THE ADVENTURES OF YEEDANT GEE BY CUTHEERT BEDE, B.A. THREE VOLUilES IN ONE. WITU KEAELY TWO HUNDRED HUMOROUS ILLUSTEATIOXS BY THE AUTHOR. **A College joke to cure the duuips." SWIFT KimariETU THOUSAND. NEW Y O R K : RLETOK, Publisher, 413 Broadway LONDON : JAMES BLACKWOOD. M DCCC LXIV. Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2013 http://archive.org/details/adventuresofmrve131 bede ^557 CONTENTS OF PART h CHAPTER I. Mr. Verdant Green's Relatives and Antecedents « . , 1 CHAPTER II. Mr. Verdant Ofreen is to be tim Oxford Fr^slimaa ... 8 CHAPTER in. Mr. Verdant Green leaves the Home of his Ancestors , , 16 CHAPTEK iv\ Mr. Verdant Green becomes an Oxford Undergi-aduate . , 27 CHAPTER- V. Mr. Verdant Green matriculates, and makes a sensation . , 35 CHAPTER VI. Mr. Verdant Green dines, breakfasts, and goes to Chapel . , 45 CHAPTER VII. Mr. Vcroant Green calls on a Gentleman who "is licensed to sell" . . , . < . . . 5f! CHAPTER VIII. Mr. Verdant Greon's Morning Reflections are not so pleasant as liis Evening Diversions .66 CHAPTER IX. Mr. Verdant Green attends Lectnres, and, in despite of Sermons, has dealings with Fillhy Lucre 78 CHAPTER X Mr. Verdant Green reforms his Tailor's Bills and mns up others. He also appears in a rapid act of Horsemanship, and finds Isis cool in Summer 87 CHAPTER XI. Mr. Verdant Green's Sports and Pastimes . - . • 09 CHAPTER XTI. Jklr. Verdant Green terminates his exis^teiice as- od Oxford FreshmftQ ..•.«••.• IIC CONTENTS OF PAUT II. CHAPTER L Mr. Verdant Green recommences his existence as an Oxford UndergTaduate , , , 1 CHAPTER II. Mr. Verdant Green does as he has been done by t " I 5 CHAPTER III. Mr. Verdant Green endeavours to keep his Spuits up by pour- ing Spiiits down t . . 14 CHAPTER IV. Mr. Verdant Green discorers the difference between Town and Gown 36 CHAPTER V. Mr Verdant Green is favoured with Mr. Bouncer's Opinions regai'ding an Undergraduate's Epistolary Communications to his Maternal lielative 39 CHAPTER VI Mx. Verdant Green featliers his oai's with skill and dexterity . W vi CONTENTS. CHAPTER VII. PAOB Mr. Verdant Green partakes of a Dove-tart and a Spread-eagle 69 CHAPTER VIII. Mr. Verdant Green spends a Merry Christmas ana a Happy J^ew Year • 68 CHAPTER IX. Mr. Verdant Green makes his first appearance on any Boards . 7fi CHAPTER X. Mr. Verdant Green enjoys a real Cigar . . • . . 87 CHAPTER XI. ' Mr. Verdant Green gets throusrh his Sinalls • • • • 9«) CHAPTER XII. Mr. Verdant Green and his Friends enjoy the Conunemorftlidn . 104 CONTENTS OF PART TIL CIL\PTKR L Mr. Verdant Green travels North 1 CHAPTER II. Ur. Verdant Green delivers Miss Patty Honej-wood from .he Horns of a Dilemma ,7 CHAPTER III Mr. Verdant Green studies Manners and Customs of y° Natyves 19 CHAPTER IV. Mr. Verdant Green endeavours to say Snip to some one's Snap '^5 CHAPTER V. Mr. Verdant Green meets with the Green-eyed Monster . . S3 CHAPTER VI. Mr. Verdant Green joins a Northumberland Pic-Nic . -41 CHAPTER VII. Mr. Verdant Green lias an hikling o( the Future 49 viii CONTENTS. CHAPTER VIII. Mr Verdant Green crosses tbe Eubicon . • » • , 07 CHAPTER IX. Mr. Verdant Green asks Papa . . , . • • • £8 CHAPTER X. Mr. Verdant Green is made a ^lason . .4 . .78 CHAPTER XI. Mr. Verdant Green breakfasts with Islr. Bouncer, and enters for a Grind 83 CHAPTER XH. Mr. Verdant Green talces his Degree 95 CHAPTER THE LAST. Mr. Verdant Green is MaiTied aad Done for , . . , 104 THE ADVENTURES OF MK. YERDANT GREEK. CHAPTER 1. MS. VEEDANT GREEN'S RELATIVES AND ANTECEDENTS. fF you will refer to the unpublished volume of " Burke's Landed Gentry,'' and tui'n to letter G, article " Green," you will see that the Verdant Greens are a family of some respectability and of con- siderable antiquity. We meet with them as early as 1096, flock- ing to the Crusades among the followers of Peter the Hermit, when one of their name, Greene surnamed the ^Yitless, mortgaged his lands in order to supply his poorer companions with the ^sinews of war. The family estate, however, appears to have been redeemed and greatly increase^ by his great-gTandson, Hugo de Greene, but was again jeoparded in the year 1456, when Basil Greene, being commissioned by Henry the Sixth to enrich his sovereign by dis- covering the philosopher's stone, squandered tiie greater part of his fortune in unavaihng experiments ; while his son, who was also in- fected with the spuit of the age, was blown up in his laboratory when just ou the point of discovering the elixir of hfe. It seems to have been about this time that the Greenes became connected by marriage with tlio equally old family of the Verdants; and, in the year 1510, we find a Verdant Greene as justice of the peace for the county ){ Warwick, presiding at the trial of three decrepid old women, who, being found gudty of transformiDg themselves into cats, and in that shape attending the nightly assemblies of evil spuits, were very pro- perly pronounced by him to be -witches, and were burnt wfth all dne ioiemuity. 1 2 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, In tracing the records of the family, we do not find that any ci its members attainccl to great eminence in the state, either in the counsels uf the senate or the active services of the field ; or that they amassed any unusual amount of wealth or landed property. But we may perhaps ascribe these circumstances to the fact of finding the Greens, generation after generation, made the dupes of more astute minds, and when the hour of danger came, left to manage their own affairs in the best way they could, — a way that commonly ended in their mismanagement and total confusion. Indeed, the idiosyncrasy )f the family appears to have been so well known, that we continually neet with them performing the character of catspaw to some monkey who had sefen and understood much more of the world than they had, — putting their hands to the fire, and only finding out thek mistake ivhen they had burned their fingers. In this way the family of the Verdant Greens never got beyond a certain })oint either in wealth or station, but were always the same unsuspicious, credulous, respectable, easy-going people in one century as another, with the same boundless confidence in their fellow-creatures, and the same readiness to oblige society by putting their names to little bills, merely for form's and friendship's sake. The Vavasour Verdant Green, with the slashed velvet doublet and point-lace full, who (having a well-stocked purse) was among the favoured courtiers of the IMerry IMonarch, and who allowed that monarch in his merriness to borrow his purse, with the simple 1. 0. U. of " Odd's fish ! you shall take mme to-morrow and who never (of course) saw the sun rise on the day of repayment, was but the prototype of the Verdant Greens in the full-bottomed wigs, and buckles and shorts or George I.'s day, who were nearly beggared by the burstmg of the Mississippi Scheme and South- Sea Bubble ; and these, in their turn, were duly represented by their successors. And thus the family character was handed down with the family nose, until they both re-appeared (according to the veracious chronicle of Burke, to which we have referred) in " Verdant Green, of the Manor Green, Co. Warwick, Gent., who married Mary, only surviving child of Samuel Sappey, Esq., of Sapcot Hall, Co. Salop; by whom he has issue, one son, and three daughters : Mary, — Verdant, — Helen, — Fanny.*' Mr. Burke is unfeeling enough to give the dates when this bunch of Greens first made tlieir appearance in the world ; but these dates we withhold, from a delicate regard to personal feelings, which will be duly appreciated by those whv. have felt the sacredness of their domestic hearth to be tampered with by the obtrusive impertinencoa of a census-paper. It is sufficient for our purpose to say, that oui" hero, Mr Verdant AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. Green, junior, was born much in *lie same way as otliei folk. A nd although pronounced by Mrs. Tousypegs his nurse, when yet in the first crimson blush of his existence, to be " a perfect progicly, mum, which I ought to be able to pronounce, 'avin nuss"d a many parties through their trouble, and bein aweer of what is doo to a Hinfant," — yet we are not aware that his debut on the stage of life although thus applauded by such a clacqueur as the indiscrimuiating Toosy- pegs, was announced to the world at large by any other means than the notices in the county papers, and the six-shilhng advertisement in the Times. " Progidy" though he was, even as a baby, yet ]\Ir. Verdant Green's nativity seems to have been chronicled merely in this every- day manner, and does not appear to have been accompanied by any of those more monstrous phenomena, wliich in earher ages attended the production of a genuine profiigy. ^^'e are not aware that M s. Green's favourite Alderney spoke on that occasion, or conducted itself cthei-wise than as unaccustomed to public speaking as usual. Neither can we verify the assertion of the intelligent Mr. Mole the gardener, that the plaster Apollo in the Long Walk was observed to be bathed in a profuse perspiration, either from its feeling compelled to keep up the good old classical custom, or because the weather was damp. Neither are we bold enough to entertain an opinion that the chickens in the poultry -yard refused their customary food ; or that the horses in the stable shook with trembling fear ; or that any thing, or any body, saving and excepting Mrs. Toosypegs, betrayed any conscious- ness that a real and genuine prodigy had been given to the world. However, during the first two years of his life, which were passed chiefly in drinking, crying, and sleeping, Mr. Verdant Green met with as much attention, and received as fair a share of approbation, as usually falls to the lot of the most favoured of infants. Then Mrs. Toosypegs again took up her position in the house, and liis reign was over. Faithful to her mission, she pronounced the new baby to be the " progidy," and she was believed. But thus it is all through life ; the new baby displaces the old ; the second love supplants the first ; we find fresh friends to shut out the memories of foraier ones ; and in nearly everj^ thing we discover that there is a Number 2 which can put out of joint the nose of Number 1. Once more the shadow of Mrs. Toosypegs fell upon the walls of Manor Green ; and then her mission being accomplished, she passed away for ever ; and our hero was left to be the sole son and heir, and the prop and pride of the house of Green. And if it be true that the external forms of nature exert a hidden but powerful sway over the dawning perceptions of the mind, and shape its thoughts to harmony with the things aroimd, then most 4 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, certainly ought ^Ir. Verdant Greer, to have been born a poet; for he grew up amid those scenes whose immortahty is, that they iuspii'ed the soul of Shakspeare with his deathless fancies ! Tlie Manor Green was situated in one of the loveUest spots in all Warwicksliire ; a county so rich in all that constitutes the pic- turesqueness of a true EngUsh landscape. Looking from the (h-aw- ing-room windows of the house, you saw in tlie near foreground the pretty French garden, with its fantastic parti-coloured beds, and its broad gravelled walks and terrace ; proudly promenading which, ji perched on the stone balustrade, might be seen perchance a pea- cock tiaunting his beauties in the sun. Then came the carefully kept gardens, bounded on the one side by the Long Walk and a grove of shrubs and oaks ; and on the other side by a double avenue of stately elms, that led through velvet turf of brightest green, down past a little rustic lodge, to a gently sloping valley, where were white walls and rose-clustered gables of cottages peeping out from the embosoming trees, that betrayed the village beauties they seemed loth to hide. Then came the grey church-tower, dark with shroud- ing ivy ; then another clump of stately elms, tenanted by cawing rooks ; then a yellow stretch of bright meadow-land, dappled over with browsing kine knee-deep in grass and tlowers ; then a deep pool that mirrored all, and shone hke silver ; then more trees with floating shade, and homesteads rich in wheat-stacks ; then a willowy brook that sparkled on merrily to an old mill-wheel, whose slippery stairs it lazily got down, and sank to quiet rest in the stream below; then came, crowding in rich profusion, wide-spreading woods and antlered oaks ; and golden gorse and purple heather ; and sunny orchards, with their dark-green weaves that in Spring foamed white with blossoms ; and then gently swelling hills that rose to close the scene and frame the picture. Such was the view from the Manor Green. And full of inspira- tion as such a scene was, yet Mr. Verdant Green never accomplished (as far as poetical inspiration was concerned) more than an " Address to the Moon," which he could just as well have written in any other part of the count ry, and which, commencing with the noble aspiration, " moon, that shinest in the heaven so blue, I only wish that I could shine hke you !" and terminating with one of those fine touches of nature which rise superior to the trammels of ordinary versification, ** But I to bed must be going soon, So I will not address thee more, moon !" will no doubt go down to posterity in the Album of lii? sister Mary AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 5 For the first fourteen years of his life, the education of Mr. Ver- dant Green was conducted wholly under the shadow of his paternal roof, upon principles fondly imagined to be the soundest and purest for the formation of his character. Mrs. Green, who was as good and motherly a soul as ever lived, was yet (as we have shown) one of the Sajjpeys of Sapcot, a family that were not renowned either for common sense or worldly wisdom, and her notions of a boy s educa- tion were of that kind laid down by her favourite poet, Cowper, in his " Tirocinium," that we are " Well-tntor'd only while we share A mother's lectiires and a nurse's care;" and in her horror of all other kind of instruction (not tliat she ad- mitted Mrs. Toosypegs to her counsels), she fondly kept Master Ver- dant at her own apron-strings. The task of teaching his young idea how to shoot was committed chiefly to his sisters' governess, and he regularly took his place with them hi the school-room. These daily exercises and mental drillings were subject to the inspection of their maiden-aunt, Miss Virginia Verdant, a first cousin of Mr. Green's, who had come to visit at the Manor during Master Verdant's infancy, and had remained there ever since; and this generalship was crowned with such success, that her nephew grew up the girlish companion of Ids sisters, with no knowledge of boyish sports, and no desire for them. The motherly and spinsterial views regarding his education were favoured by the fact that he had no playmates of his own sex and age ; and since his father was an only child, and his mother's bro- thers had died in their infancy, there were no cousins to initiate him into the mysteries of boyish games and feelings. Mr. Green was a man who only cared to live a quiet, easy-going life, and would have troubled himself but little about his ueighboiu-s, if he had had any; but the Manor Green lay in an agricultural district, and, saving the Rectory, there was no other large house fur miles around. The rector's wife, Mrs Larkyns, had died shortly after the birth of her first child, a son, who was being educated at a public school ; and this was enough, in J\lrs. Green's eyes, to make a too intimate ac- quaintance between her boy and Master Larkyns a thing by no means to be desired. With her favourite poet she would say, ** For public schools, 'tis public folly feeds ;" and, regarding them as the very hotbeds of all that is wrong, she would turn a deaf, though pohte, ear to the rector wlienever he said, •* Why don't you let youj Verdant go with my Charley ? Charley 6 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, is three years older than Verdant, and would take him under hia wing." Mrs. Green would as Sinm think of putting one of lu r chickens under the wing of a hawk, as intrusting tlie innocent Verdant to the care of the scapegrace Charley ; so she still persisted in her own system of education, despite all that the rector could advise to the contrary. As for Master Verdant, he was only too glad at his mother's decision, for he partook of all her alarm about public schools, though from a different cause. It was not very often that he visited at the Eectory during Master Charley's holidays; but when he did, that young gentleman favoured him with such accounts of the peculiar knack the second master possessed of finding out all your tenderest places when he licked a feller for a false quantity, that, by Jove ! you couldn't sit down for a fortnight without squeaking ; and of the jolly mills they used to have with the town cads, who would he in wait for you, and half kill you if they caught you alone ; and of the fun it was to make a junior form fag for you, and do all your dirty work ; — that Master Verdant's hair would almost stand on end at such horrors, and he would gasp for very dread lest such should ever be his dreadful doom. And then Master Charley would take a malicious pleasure in con- soling him, by saying, " Of course, you know, you'll only have to fag for the first two or three years ; then — ^if you get into the fourth form — you'll be able to have a fag for yourself. And it's awful fun, I can tell you, to see the way some of the fags get riled at cricket ! You get a feller to give you a few balls, just for practice, and you hit the ball into another feller's ground ; and then you tell your fag to go and pick it up. So he goes to do it, when the other feller sings out, ' Don't touch that ball, or 1 11 lick you !' So you tell the fag to come to you, and you say, ' Why don't you do as I tell you ?' And he says, ' Please, sir !' and then the little beggar blubbers. So you say to him, ' None of that, sir ! Touch your toes !" We always make 'em wear straps on pui^pose. And then his trousers go tight 4nd beautiful, and you take out your strap and w'arm him ! And t.hen he goes to get the ball, and the other fellow sings out, ' I told you to let that ball alone ! Come here, sir ! Touch your toes !' So he warms him too ; and then we go on all jolly. It's awful fun, I can tell you !" Master Verdant would think it awful indeed ; and, by his own fireside, would recount the deeds of horror to his trembling mothe' and sisters, whose imagination shuddered at the scenes from which they hoped their darling would be preserved. Perliaps Master Charley had his own reasons for making matters worse than they really were ; but, as long as the infurmatiou he de- AN OXJ'ORD FRESHMAN. 7 rived concerning public schools was of this description, so long did Master Venlant Green feel thankful at being kept away from them. He had a secret dread, too, of his friend's superior age and know- ledge*, and in his presence felt a bashful awe that made him glad to get back from the liectory to his own sisters ; while Master Charley, on the other hand, entertained a lad's contempt for one that could not fire olf a gun, or drive a cricket-ball, or jump a ditch witlKjut falling into it. So the llectory and the ]\Ianor Green lads saw but vei^ little of each other ; and while the one went through his • public-school course, the other was brought up at the women's apron- string. But though thus put under petticoat government, Mr. Verdant Green was not altogether freed from those tyrants of youth, — the dead languages. His aunt Vu-ginia was as learned a Blue as her esteemed ancestress in the court of Elizabeth, the very Virgin Queen of Blues; and under her guidance Master Verdant was dragged with painful diligence through the first steps of the road that was to take him to Parnassus. It was a gTeat sight to see her sitting stiff and straight, — with her wonderfully undeceptive " false front" of (somebody else's) black hair, graced on either side by four sausage- looking curls, — as, with spectacles on nose and dictionary in hand, she instructed her nephew in those ingenuous arts which should soften his manners, and not permit him to be brutal. And, when they together entered upon the romantic page of Virgil (which was the extent of her classical reading), nothing would delight her more than to declaim their sonorous Arma-virumque-cano lines, where the intrinsic qualities of the verse sui'passed the quantities that she gave to them. Fain would Miss A^irginia have made Virgil the end and aim of an educational existence, and so have kept her pupil entirely under her own care ; but, alas ! she knew nothing fm ther ; she had no acquaintance with Greek, and she had never fluted with Euchd ; and the rector persuaded Mr. Green that these were indispensable to a boy's education. So, when Mr. Verdant Green was (in stable lan- guage) " rising" sixteen, he went thrice a week to the Kectory, whei e "Mr. Larkyns bestowed upon him a couple of hours, and taught him to conjugate rvTrru), and get over the Pons Asinorum. Mr. Larkyns found his pupil not a particularly brilliant scholar, but he was a plodding one ; and though he learned slowly, yet the Uttle he did learn was learned well. Thus the P.ectory and the home studies went hand and hand, and continued so, with but little interruiarkyns, after some good-natured praist; of his diligence, suid, " By the way. Green, he's now quite old enough, and prepared enough lor matriculation : and 1 suppose you are thinldng of it." Mr. Green was thinking of no such thing. He had never been at college himself, and had never heard of his father having been there; and having the old-fashioned, what-was-good-enough-fur-niy-father-is- good-enough-fur-me sort of feeling, it had never occurred to him that his son should be brought up otherwise than he himself had been. The setting-out uf Charles Larkyns for colh-ge, two years before, had suggested no other thought to Mr. Green's mind, than that a univer- sity was the natural sequence of a pubhc school ; and since Verdant had not been through the career of the one, he deemed him to be exempt from the other. I'iie motherly ears of Mrs. Green had been caught by the word " matriculation," a phrase quite unknown to her ; and she said, " If it's vaccination that you mean, Mr. Larkyns, my dear Verdant was done only last year, when we thought the small-pox was about ; so I think he's quite safe." Mr, Larkyns' politeness w^as sorely tied to restrain himself from giving vent to his feelings in a loud burst of laughter ; but Mary gal- lantly came to his relief by saying, " Matriculation means, being entered at a university. Don't you remember, dearest mamma, when Mr. Charles Larkyns w^ent up to Oxford to be matriculated tost January two years?" " Ah, yes ! 1 do now. Bnt I wish I had your memory, my dear." And Mary blushed, and ilattered herself that she succeeded in looking as though Mr. Charles Larkyns and his movements were objects of perfect iudilierence to her. So, after luncheon, Mr. Green and the rector paced up and down the long- walk, and talked the matter over. The burden of Mr. Green's discourse was this : " You see, sir, I don't intend my boy to go into the Church, like yours ; but, when any thing happens to me, he'll come into the estate, and have to settle down as the squire of the parish. So 1 don't exactly see what would be the use of sending him to a university, where, i dare say, he'd spend a good deal of money, — not that 1 should grudge that, though ; — and perhaps not be quite such a good lad as he's always been to me, sir. And, by George ! (I beg your pardon,) 1 think his mother would break her heart to lose him ; and 1 don't know what we should do without him, as he's never been away from us a day, and his sisters would miss him. And he's not a lad, like your Charley, that could fight his way in tiie world, and I don't think he'd be altogether happy. And as he's not got to depend upon Uift taiwuts for ins bread and cheese, ihc knowledge he's got at 1* 10 THE ADVENTUEES OF MK. V1ERDANT GREEK, home, and from you, sir, seems to me quite enough tc carry him through life. So, altogether, I think Verdant will do very well as he is, and perhaps we'd better say no more about the matriculation." But the rector would say more ; and he expressed his mind thus : "It is not so much from what Verdant would learn in Latin and Greek, and such things as make up a part of the education, that I advise your sending him to a university ; but more from what he would gain by mixing with a large body of young men of his own age, who represent the best classes of a mixed society, and who may justly be taken as fair samples of its feelings and talents. It is formation of character that I regard as one of the greatest of the many great ends of a uni- versity system ; and if for this reason alone, I should advise you to send yom' future country squke to college. Where else will he be able to meet with so great a number of those of his own class, with whom he will have to mix in the after changes of life, and for whose feelings and tone a college-course will give him the proper key-note ? Where else can he learn so quickly in three years, — what other men will perhaps be striving for through life, without attaining, — that self- reliance wliich will enable him to mix at ease in any society, and to feel the equal of its members ? And, besides all th:s, — and each of these points in the education of a young man is, to my mind, a strong one, — where else could he be more completely ' under tutors and gover- nors,' and more thoroughly under surveillance, than in a place where college-laws are no respecters of persons, and seek to keep the wild blood of youth within its due bounds ? There is something in the very atmosphere of a university that seems to engender refined thoughts and noble feehngs ; and lamentable indeed must be the state of any young man who can pass through the three years of his coUege residence, and bring awsij no higher aims, no worthier pur- poses, no better thoughts, from all the holy associations which have been crowded around him. Such advantages as these are not to be regarded with indilference ; and tliough they come in secondary ways, and possess the mind almost imperceptibly, yet they are of primary importance in the formation of character, and may mould it into the more perfect man. And as long as I had the power, I v.'ould no more think of depriving a child of mine of such good means towards a good end, than I would of keeping him from any tiling else that was likely to improve his mind or affect his heart." Mr. Larkyns put matters in a new light ; and Mr. Green began to think th-fit a university career might be lookeil at from more tlian one point o-f view. Put as old prejudices are not so easily overthrown gis the lath and-plaster ere.etions of mere newly-formed ophiion, JVIr. Green was not yet won ,over by Mr. Larkyns' arginnents. " There waa my Either," he said, " who yr'^ts oiie of the wortiiiest and Idndest meo AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 11 living ; and I believe he never went to college, nor diJ lie tliink it necessary that I should go ; and 1 trust I'm no worse a man than my father.*' " Ah ! Green," replied the rector ; " the old argument ! But you must not judge the present age by the past ; nor measure out to your son the same degree of education that your father might think suliicient for you. When you and I were buys, Green, thcsu things w ore thought of very diilerently to what they are in tlie pro- &eut day; and when your father gave you a respectable eihicatioa at a chuij cal school, he did all that he thought was recjuisite to ionu you into a comntry gentleman, ani lit you for that station in hie you were destined to hll. But consider what a progressive age it is that we live in ; and you wfU see that the standard uf education has been considerably raised shice the days when you and I did the ' propria quae maribus' together ; and that when he comes to mix in society, ' more will be demanded of the son than was expected from the father. And besides this, think in how many ways it will benefit Verdant to send him to college. By mixing more in the world, and being called upon to act and think for himself, he will gradually gain that exi)eri- ence, without which a man cannot arm himself to meet ihe difficulties that beset all of us, more or less, in the battle of life. He is just of an age, when some change from the narrowed circle of home is ne- cessary. God forbid that I should ever speak in any but the highest terms of the moral good it must do every young man to live ujider his "mother s watchful eye, and be ever in the company of pure-minded sisters. Indeed I feel this more perhaps than many other parents would, because my lad, from his earliest years, has been deprived of such tender training, and cut olf from such sweet society. But yet, with all this high regard tor such home influences, I ])ut it to you, if • tliere will not grow up in the boy's mind, when he begins to draw near to man's estate, a very weariness of all this, from its very same- ness ; a surfeiting, as it were, of all these delicacies, and a longing for something to break the monotony of what will gi'adually become to him a humdrum horse-in-the-mill khid of country life? And it ii just at this critical time that college life steps in to his aid. With his new life a new light bursts upon his mind ; he finds that he is not the little household-god he had fancied himself to be ; his word is no longer the law of the Modes and Persians, as it was at home ; he meets with none of those little flatteries from partial relatives, or fawidng servants, that were growing into a part of his existence ; but he has to bear contradiction, and reproof, to find himself only an er-ual with others, when he can gain that equahty by his own deserts; and, in short, he daily progresses in that knowledge of hhiiself, which, frcm the gaothiseauton days down to our own hii>^ I tea fouud to be 12 THE ADVENTURES OF ^Hl. VERDANT GKEEN, about the most useful of all knowledge ; for it gives a man stability of character, and braces up his mental energies to a healthy enjoy« ment of the business of life. And so, Green, I would advise you, above all things, to let Verdant go to college." Much more did the rector say, not only on this occasion, but on others ; and the more frequently he returned to the charge, the less resistance were his arguments met with ; and the result was, that Mr. Green was fully persuaded that a university was the proper sphere for his son to move in. But it was not without many a pang and much secret mis * Hnre never man's prospects were brighter,' I said, as I jumped from my perch ; • So quickly arrived at the Mitre, Oh, I'm sure to get on in the Church !' f Whack fol lol, lol iddity, &c." By the time Mr. Bouncer finished these words, the coach appr3- priately drew up at the " Mitre," and the p;i>sengers tumbled ofl amid a knot of gownsmen collected on the pavt-uicnt to receive tliem. But no sooner were Mr. Green and our hero set down, than they were attacked by a horde of the aborigines of Oxford, who, know- ing by vulture-like sagacity the aspect of a freshman and his gover- nor, swooped down upon them in the guise of impromptu porters, and made an indiscriminate attack upon the luggage. It was only by the display of the greatest presence of mind that Mr. Verdant Green recovered his effects, and prevented his canvas-covered boxes from being carried off in the wheel-barrows that were tnuidliiig off in all directions to the various colleges. 26 THE ADVENTURES OF MK. VERDANT GREEN, (though I have heard some call it " in-famous") Oxford port had been produced, !Mr. Green, under its kindly influence, opened his heart to his son, and gave liim much advice as to his forthcoming University career ; being, of course, well calculated to do this from his intimate acquaintance with the subject. . Whether it was the extra glass of port, or whether it was the nature of his father s discourse, or whether it was the novelty of his situation, or whether it was all these circumstances combined, yet certain it was tliat V.r. Verdant Gfeen's first night in Oxford was distingiished by a series, or rather confusion, of most remarkable dreams, in which bishops, archbishops, and hobgoblins elbowed on« another for precedence ; a beneficent female crownecfhim with laurel, while Fame lustily proclaimed the honours he had received, and un- rolled the class-list in which his name had first rank. Sweet land of visions, that will with such ease cx)nfer even a treble first upon the weary sleeper, why must he awake from thy geHtle thraldom, to find the class-hst a stern reality, and Graduate* Bhip too often but an empty dream I AN OXFOBD fBESHMAN. 21 CH.VPTER IV. MB. VERDANT GREEN BECOMES AN OXFORD XJNDERGRADUATE. Mr. Verdant Green arose in the morning more or less refreshed ; and after breakfast proceeded with his father to Brazenface College to call upon the Master ; the porter directed them where to go, ami they sent up their cards. Dr. Portman was at home, and they weie soon introduced to his presence. Instead of the stern, imposing-looking personage that Mr, Verdant Green had expected to see in the ruler among dons, and the terror of otfending undergraduates, the master of Brazenface was a mild-look- ing old gentleman, with an inoffensive amiability of expression and a shy,retirmg mamier that seemed to intimate that he was more alarmed at the strangers than they had need to be at him. Dr. Portman seemed to be quite a part of his college, for he had passed the greatest portion of his life there. He had graduated there, he had taken Scholarships there, he had even gained a prize-poem there ; he had been elected a Fellow there, he had become a Tutor there, he had been Proctor and College Dean there ; there, during the long vacations, he had v/ritten his celebrated " Disquisition on the Greek Particles," afterwards published in eight octavo volumes ; and finally, there he had been elected Master of his college, in which office, honoured and respected, he appeared hkely to end his days. He was unmarried ; per- haps he had never found time to think of a wife ; perhaps he had never had the courage to propose for one ; perhaps he had met with early crosses and disappointments, and had shrined in his heart a fair image that shoidd never be displaced. Who knows ? for dons are mortals, and have been undergraduates once. The httle hair he had was of a silvery white, although his eye- brows retained thek black hue ; and to judge from the tine fresh- coloured features and the dark eyes that were now nervously twiidi- ling upon Mr. Green, Dr. Portman must, in his more youthful days, have had an ample share of good looks. He was dressed in an old- fashioned reverend suit of black, with knee-breeches and gaiters, and a massive watch-seal dangling from under his waistcoat, and was deep in the study of his favourite particles. He received our hero and his father both nervously and graciously, and bade them be seated. " I shall al-ways," he said, in monosyllabic tones, as though he were readiiig out of a child"s primer, — " I shall al-ways be glad to see any of the young friends of my old col-lege friend Lar-l:} ns ; and I 28 THE aD^TENTURES OF ME. VERDANT GREEN, do re-joice to be a-ble to sen^e you, Mis-ter Green ; and I Lope your son, Mis-ter, ^lis-ter Vir Vir-gin-ius," — " Verdant, Dr. Portman," interrupted j\Ir. Green, suggestively, " Verdant." " Oh ! true, true, true ! and I do hope that he will be a ve-ry good young man, and try to do hon-our to his col-lege." " I trust be will, indeed, sir," replied Mr. Green ; " it is the great wish of my heart. And 1 am sure that you will find my son both quiet and orderly in his conduct, regular in his duties, and always ill bed by ten o'clock." " Well, I hope so too, Mis-ter Green," said Dr. Portman, mono- syllabically ; " but all the young gen-tle-men do pro-mise to be reg-u- lar and or-der-ly when they first come up, but a term makes a great dif* fer-ence. But I dare say my young friend Mis-ter Vir-gin-ius," — " Verdant," smilingly suggested Mr. Green. " I beg your par-don," apologised Dr. Portman; " but I dare say that he will do as you say, for in-deed my friend Lar-kyns speaks well of him." " I'^am deliglited — proud !" murmured Mv. Green, while Ver- dant felt himself blushing up to his spectacles. " We are ve-ry full," Dr. Portman went on to say, " but as I do ex-pect great tilings from Mis-ter Vir-gin Verdant, Verdant, I have put some rooms at his scr-vice ; and if you would like to see AiM OXPOliD FRESHMAN. 29 them, my ser-vaiit shall show you the way." Tlie servant was ac- cordingly summoned, and received orders to that effect ; while the Master told Verdant that he must, at two o'clock, present himself to- Mr. Slowcoach, his tutor, who would examine him for his matricu- lation. "I am sor-ry, Mis-ter Green," said Dr. Portman, " that my en- gage-ments will pre-vent me from ask-ing you and Mis-ter Virg — Yer-dant, to dine with me to-day ; hut 1 do hope that the next time you come to Ox-ford I shall he more for-tu-nate." OKI John, the Common-room man, who had heard this speech made to hundreds of " governors'' through many generations of fresh- men, could not repress a few pantomimic asides, that were suggestive of any thing hut full credence in his master's words. But Mr. Oreen was delighted with Dr. Portman's affahility, and perceiving that the interview was at an end, made his conge, and left the Master of Brazen- face to his Greek particles. They had just got outside, when the servant said, " Oh, there hi the scout ! Your scout, sir !" at which our hero hlushed from the consciousness of his new dignity ; and, hy way of appeai'ing at his ease, in«iiiii'cd the scout's name. 80 THE ADVENTUKKS OF MR. \T<:RDANT GREEN, " Robert Filcher, sir," replied the servant ; " but the gentloraen always call "em by their Christian names." And beckoning the scout to him, he bade him show the gentlemen to the rooms kept for Mr, Verdant Green ; and then took himself back to the Master. Mr. Rol^ert Filcher might perhaps have been forty years of age, perhaps fifty ; there was cunning enough in his face to fill even a cen- tury of wily years ; and there was a depth of expression in his look, as lie asked our hero if he was Mr. Verdant Green, that proclaimed his custom of reading a freshman at a glance. Mr. Filcher was laden with coats and boots that had just been brushed and blacked for thei** respective masters ; and he was bearing a jug of Buttery ale (they are renowned for thek ale at Brazenface) to the gentleman who owned the pair of " tops" that were now flashing in the ^un as they dangled fi'om the scout's hand. " Please to follow me, gentlemen," he said ; " it's only just across the quad. Third floor, No. 4 stahxase, fust quad ; that's about the mark, / think, sir." Mr. Verdant Green glanced curiously round the Quadrangle, with its picturesque irregularity of outline, its towers and turrets and battle- ments, its grey time-eaten walls, its rows of mulhoned hea\7-headed windows, and the quiet cloistered air that spoke of study and reflec- tion ; and perceiving on one side a row of large windows, with gi-eat buttresses between, and a species of steeple on the high-pitched roof, he made bold (just to try the efiect) to address Mr. Filcher by the name assigned to him at an early period of his life by his godfathers and godmothers, and inquired if that building was the chapel. " No, sir," replied Fiobert, " that there's the 'All, sir, that is, — where you dines, sir, leastways when you ain't ' ^ger,' or elseweer. Tha>t at the top is the lantern, sir, that is ; called so because it neve? has no candle in it. The chapel's the hopposite side, sir. — Please not to walk on the grass, sir ; there's a fine agin it, unless you're a Master. This way if you please, gentlemen !" Thus the scout be- guiled them, as he led them to an open doorway with a large 4 painted over it ; inside was a door on either hand, while a coal-bin displayed its black face from under a staircase that rose immediately before them. Up this they went, following the scout (who had van- ished for a moment with the boots and beer) ; and when they had passed the first floor, they found the ascent by no means easy to the body or pleasant to the sight. The once white-washed walls were coated with the uncleansed dust of the three past t-erms ; and where he plaster had not been chipped ofl" by flying porter-bottles or the leels of Wellington boots, its surface had aflforded an irresistible ^emptation to those imaginative undergraduates who displayed their *rtistic genius in candle-smoke cartoons of the heads of the Universi- iity, and other popular and unpopular characters. All Mr. Greea'i AN OXFORD FiiKSHMAN. 31 cantion, as he crept u}) the dark, twisting staircas*', eoukl not prevent him from crushing his hat against the low, cubwebbed ceiUng, and hfl • gave vent to a veiy strong but quiet anathema, which glided quietly and audibly into the remark, " Confounded awkward staircase, I think 1" " Just what IVIr. Bouncer says,"'rephed the scout, " although he don't reach so high as you, sii ; but he do say, sir, when he comes home pleasant at night from some wine-party, that it is the aukardest stah-case as was ever put before a gentleman's legs. And he did go so far, sir, as v,o ask the Master, if it wouldn't be better to have a staircase as wouiu go up of hisself, and take the gentlemen up with it, like one as they has at some pubUc show in London — the Call-and see-em, I think he said." "The Colosseum, probably," suggested Mr. Green. "And what did Dr. Portman say to that, pray ?" " Why he said, sir, — leastways so ^Ir. Bouncer reported, — that it worn't by no means a bad idea, and that p'raps IVIr. Bouncer'd find it done in six months' time, when he come back again from the country. For you see, sir, Mr. Bouncer had made hisself so pleasant, that he'd been and got the porter out o" bed, and corked his face dreadful ; and tlien, sir, he'd been and got a Hion-board from somewhere out of the tcwii, ftcd hxmg it on the Master'^ private vioor ; so cuat whtii they 82 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. \T:RDANT GREEN, went to early chapel in the morning, they read as how the Master was ' licensed to sell beer by retail,' and ' to be drunk on the pre- mises.' So when the blaster came to know who it was as did it, which in course the porter told him, he said as how Mr. Bouucei had better go down into the country for a year, for change of hair, and to visit his friends." " Very kind indeed of Dr. Portman," said our hero, who missed the moral of the story, and took the rustication for a kind forgiveness of injuries. " Just wliat i\rr. Bouncer said, sir," replied the scout, " he said it were pertickler kind and thoughtful. This is his room, sir ; he come up on y yesterday." 'And he pointed to a door, above which was painted in white letters on a black ground, " Bouncer." " ^^'hy," said Mr. Green to his son, " now I think of it, Bouncei was the name of that short young gentleman who came with us on the coach yesterday, and made himself so — so unpleasant with a tin torn." " That's the gent, sir," observed the scout ; " that's Mr. Bouncer, agoing the complete unicom, as he calls it. I dare say you'll find him a pleasant neighbour, sir. Your rooms is next to his." ^^'ith some doubts of these prospective pleasures, the Mr, Greens, •pere et fils, entered through a double door painted over the outside with the name of" Smalls to which Mr. Filcher directed our hero's attention by saying, " You can have that name took out, sir, and your own name painted in. Mr. Smalls has just moved hisself to the other qi:ad, and that's why the rooms is vacant, su'." Mr. Filcher then went on to point out the properties and capa- bilities of the rooms, and also their mechanical contiivances. " This is the hoak, this 'ere outer door is, sir, which the gentle- men sports, that is to say, shuts, sir, when they're a readhi'. Not as Mr. Smalls ever hinterfered with his constitootion by too much 'ard study sir ; he only sported his hoak when people. used to get trouble some about their little bills. Here's a place for coals, sir, though Mr. Smalls, he kept his bull-terrier there, which was agin the regu- lations, as you know, sir." (Verdant nodded his head, ?.s though ho were perfectly aware of the fact.) " Tliis ere's your bed-room, sir. Verj- small, did you say, sii' ? Oh, no, sir ; not by no means ! We thinks that in college reether a biggish bed-iH)om, sir. Mr. Smalls thought so, sir, and he's, in his seccmd year, he is." (Mr. Filcher thoroughly understood the science of " flooring" a freshman.) " Tbis is my room, sir, this is, for keepin' ynur cups and saucers, ^.Twl wine-glas&co and tumblers, and them sort o' things, and washiir 'em up wben you wants 'em. If you likes to keep your whie and Bperrits here, sii' — Smalls always did — jovlVl find it a nice cool AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. place, sir: or else here's this 'ere winder- seat;- you see> sir, it opens with d 'id, 'andy for the purpose." " If you act upon that suggestion, Verdant," remarked Mr. Green aside to his son, " I trust that a lock will be added." There was not a superfluity of furniture in the room ; and IMr, Smalls having conveyed away the luxurious part of it, that which was left had more of the useful than the ornamental character ; hut as Mr. Verdant Green was no Sybarite, this point was but of little consequence. The window looked with a sunny aspect down upon the quad, and over the opposite buildings were seen the spires of churches, the dome of the Kadcliffe, and the gables, pinnacles, and turrets of other colleges. This was pleasant enough : pleasanter than the stale odours of the Virginian weed that rose from the faded green window-curtains, and from the old Kidderminster carpet that had been charred and burnt into holes with the fag-ends of cigars. " Well, Verdant," said Mr. Green, when tliey had completed their inspection, " the rooms are not so very bad, and 1 think you may be able to make yom'self comfortable in them. But I wish tht-y were not so high up. I don't see how you can escape if a fire was to break out, and I am afraid collegians must be very careless on these points. Indeed, your mother made me promise that 1 would speak to Dr. Purtraan about it, and ask him to please to allow your tutor, or somebody, to see that your fire was safely raked out at night ; and I had intended to have done so, but somehow it quite 2* 94 THE ad\t:is ruiiES of mr. vt^edant green, escaped nie. How your mother and all at home would like to see you in your own college room !" And the thuuglits of father and soil tlew back to the ^lanor Green and its occupants, who were doubtless at the same time thinking of them. Mr. Filcher then explained the system of thirds, by whicli the furniture of the room was to be paid for ; and, having accompanied his future master and ]Mr. Green downstairs, the latter accomphsliiiig the descent not without dithculty and contusions, and having pointed out the way to ]\Ir. Slow- coach's rooms, Mr. Robert I'ilcher re- lieved his feelings by indulging m a ballet of action, or pas (Textase; in which poetry of motion he declared his joy at the last valuable addition to Bra- zenface, and Ms own pertpiisites. Mr. Slowcoach was within, and would see Mr. Verdant Green. So that young gentleman, trembling with agitation, and feeling as though he would have given pounds for the staircase to have been as high as that of Babel, followed the servant upstairs, and left his father, in ahnost as great a state of nervousness, pacing the quad below. But it was not the formidable aflFair, nor was Mr. Slowcoach the formidable man, tliat Mr. Verdant Green had anticipated ; and by tlie time that lie liad turned a piece of Spectator into Latin, our hero had some- what recovered his usual equanimity of mind and serenity of ex- pression: and the construing of half a dozen lines of Livy and Ho^mcr, and the answeiing'of a few questions, was a mere form; for Mr. Slowcoach's long practice enabled him to see in a very few minutes if the freshman before him (however nervous he might be) had the usuid average of abilities, and was up to the business of lectures. So Mr. Verdant Green was soon dismissed, and returned to his father radiant and happy. 4N OXFORD FRESHMAN. CHAPTER V. MR. VERDANT GREEN I^IATEICULATES, AND MAKES A SENSATION. As they went out at the gate, they inquired of tlic porter for Mr, Charles Larkyns, but they found that he had not yet returned from the friend's house wliere he had been durnig the vacation ; where-, upon Mr. Green said that they wouhl go and look at the Oxford lions, so that he might be able to answer any of the questions that should be put to him on his return. They soon found a guide, one of those wonderful people to which show-places give birth, and o£ wliom Oxford can boast a very goodly average ; and under this gen- tinman's guidance j\Ir. Verdant Green made his first acquaintance R'lLh the fak outside of his Alma Mater. 36 THE ADVENTURES OF mi. VERDANT GREEN, The short, thick stick of the guide served to direct attention to the various objects he enumerated in his rapid career. " Tliis here'a Christ Church College," he said, as he trotted them down St. Aldateij, " built by Card'nal Hoolsy four underd feet long and the famous Tom Tower as tolls wun underd and wun hevery night that being the number of stoodents on the foundation ;" and thus the guide went on, perfectly independent of the artificial trammels of punctuation, and not particular whether his hearers understood him or not : that was not his business. And as it was that gentleman's boast that he could do the alls, collidges, and principal hedifices in a nour and a naff," it could not be expected but that Green should take back to Warwickshire otherwise than a slightly confused impression of Oxford. When he unrolled that rich panorama befcjre his " mind's eye," all its component parts the stately portic-o of the Clarendon Press ; while the antiquated Ashmolean had given pla<;e to the more modern Townhall. The time-honoured, blax^k- looking front of University College had changed into the cold cleanliness of the ' ' dsissic'' fagade of Queen's. The two towers of All Souls',— whosa several stages seem to be pulled were strangely out of i)lace. The rich spii'e of St. Mary's claimed acquaintance with her poorer sister at the ca- thedral. The cupola of the Tom Tower got into close quarters with the huge dome of the IJadclitie, that shrugged up its gi'eat round shoulders at the intrusion of the cross-bred Grseco- Gothic tower of All Saints. The theatre had walked up to St. Giles's to see how the Taylor Buildings agreed with the University galleries,- while the Mar- tyrs' ]\temorialhad stepped down to Silagdalen Bridge, in tim^ to see the col- lege taking a walk in the Botanic Gardens. The Schools and the Bo€leian had set then" back against AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. ' 37 out of each other like the parts of a teh — had, somellow, removed themselves from tlie rest of tlie biiiMiiij^, which had gone, nevertheless, on a tour to Broad Street ; behind whicli, as everj one knows, are the Bro;id Walk and the Christ Church meadows. Merton Chapel had got into New quarters ; and Wadham had gone to Worcester for change of air. Lincoln had migrated from near Exeter to Pembroke ; and Brasenosfc had its nose quite put out of joint by St. John's. In short, if the niajts of Oxford are to be trusted, there had been a general pousset movement among its pub- lic buildings. But if such a shrewd and practised observer as Sir \\'alter Scott, after a we^'k's hard and systematic sight-seeing, could only say of Ox- ford, " The time has been much too short to convey to me separate and distinct ideas of all the variety of wonders that I saw : my me- mory only at present furnishes a grand but indistinct picture of towers, and chapels, and oriels, and vaulted halls, and libraries, and paint- ings ;" — if Sir Walter Scot^ could say this after a week's work, it is not to be wondered at that Mr. Green, after so brief and rapid a sur- vey of the city at the iieels of an unintelligent guide, should feel him- self slightly confused w^hen, on his return to the Manor Green, he at- tempted to give a slight description of the wonderful sights of Oxford- There WaS one lion of Oxford, however, whose individuality of expressini. was too striking either to be forgotten or confused with the mu,ny other lions around. Although (as in Byron's Dream) " A mass of many images Crowded like waves upon" Mr. Green, yet clear and distinct through all there ran ** The stream-like windings of that glorious street,"* to w^hich one of the first critics of the agef has given this higli testi mony of praise : " the High Street of Oxford has not its equal in the whole world." Mr. Green could not, of course, leave Oxford until he had seen his beloved son in that elegant cap and preposterous gown which constitute the present academical ch'ess of the Oxford undergraduate ; and to assume which, with a legal right to the same, matriculation is first necessary. As that amusing and instructive book, the Uni- versity Statutes, says in its own delighitful and unrivaJletl canine Latin, Statutum est, quod nemo pro Studente, seu Scholar^ haheatvr^ nec tdlis Universitatis privilegns, aut benejiciis^' (the cap and gown, * Wordsworth, •Miscellaneous Sonnets. + Dr. Waagen, Art and Artists in England, 38 tup: adventures of me. verd.int green, of course, being among these,) " gaudeat, nisi qui'in aliquod Colle- gium vel Aulam admissus fuerit^ et intra quindenam post talem ad- missionem in matriculam Universitatis fueiit relatus.'' So our here put on the required wliite tie, and then went forth to complete his proper costume. There were so many persons purjiorting to be " Academical robe- makers,"' that Mr. Green was some little time in deciding who should be the tradesman favoured with the order fur his son's adornment. At last he fixed upon a shop, the window of which contained a more imposing display than its neighbours of gowns, hoods, surplices, and robes of all shapes and colours, from the black velvet-sleeved proc- tor's to the blushing gorgeousness of the scarlet robe and crimson Bilk sleeves of the D.C.L. " I wish you," said j\Ir. Green, advancing towards a smirking individual, who was in his shirt-sleeves a^d slippers, but in all other respects was attu-ed with great magnificence, — "I wish you to mea- sure this gentleman for his academical robes, and also to allow him the use of some to be matriculated in." " Certainly, sir," said the robe-maker, who stood bowing and Bmirking before them, — as Hood expressively says, *' Washing his hands with invisible soap, In imperceptible water ;" — " certainly, sir, if you wish it : but it will scarcely be necessary, sir ; as our custom is so extensive, that we keep a large ready-made stock constantly on hand." " Oh, that will do just as well," said ]\'Ir. Green ; " better, in- deed. Let us see some." "What description of robe would be requu'ed ?" said the smirking gentleman, again makmg use of the invisible soap ; "a scholar's ?" " A scholar's !" repeated Mr. Green, very much wondering at the question, and imagining that all students must of necessity be also scholars ; " yes, a scholar's, of course." A scholar's gown was accordingly produced : and its deep, wide sleeves, and ample length and breadth, were soon displayed to some advantage on Mr. Verdant Green's tall figure. Reflected in a large mirror, its charms were seen in their full perfection ; and when the delighted Mr. Green exclaimed, " ^^'hy, Verdant, I never saw you look so well as you do now 1" our hero was inclined to think that his father's words were the words of truth, and that a scholar s gown was indeed becoming. The tout ensemble was complete when the cap had been added to tlie gown ; more especially as Verdant put it on in such a manner that the polite robe-maker was obhged tc 9 AN OXl^ORD FKESHMAN. say, " The hother way, if you please, sir. Immaterial perhaps, but generally preferred, in fact, the shallow part is always the fore- head, — at least, in Oxford, sir." While ]Mr. Green was paying for the cap and gown (N.B. the money of governors is never refused), the robe-maker smirked, and said, " Hexcuse the question ; but may I hask, sir, it this is the gentleman that has just gained the Scotland Scholarship ?" " No," rephed Mr. Green. "My son has just gained his matri- culation, and, 1 beheve, very creditably ; but nothing more, as w: only came liere yesterday." " Then I think, sir," said the robe-maker, with redoubled smirks — " I think, sir, there is a leetle mistake here. The gentleman will be hinfringing the University statues, if he wears a scholar's gown and hasn't got a scholarship ; and these»robes '11 be of no use to the gen- tleman, yet awhile at least. It will be an undergraduate's goyr that he requires, sir." CAPSIJ QBE MA It was fortunate for our hero that the mis- take was discovered so soon, and could be rec- tified without any of those unpleasant conse- quences of iconoclasm to which the robe- maker's infringement of the " statues" seemed to point ; but as that gentleman put the scho- lar's gown on one side, and brought out a com- moner's, he might have been heard to mutter, *' I don't know which is the freshest, the fresh- man or his guv'nor." When Mr. Verdant Green once more looked in the glass, and saw hanging straight from his shoulders a yard of blueish-black stuff, garnished with a little lappet, and two streamer* whose upper parts were gathered into double plaits, he regretted that he was not indeed a scholar, if it were only for the privilege O' wearing so elegant a gown. However, his father smiled approvingly 40 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, the robe-maker smirked judiciously ; so he came to the gratifying conclusion that the commoner's gown was by no means ugly, and would be thought a great deal of at the Manor Green when he took it home at the end of the term. Leaving his hat w^ith the robe-maker, who, with many more smirks and imaginary washings of the hands, hoped to be favoured with the gentleman's patronage on future occasions, and begged further to trouble him w^ith a card of his establishment, — our hero proceeded with his father along the High Street, and turned round by St Mary's, and so up Cat Street to the Schools, where they made their way to the classic " Pig-market,"* to await the arrival of the Vice-Chancellor. When he came, our freshman and two other white-tied fellow- freshmen -were summoned to the great man's presence ; and there, in the ante-chamber of the Convocation House,-]- the edifying and imposing spectacle of ]\Iatriculation was enacted. In the first place, Mr. Verdant Green took divers oaths, and sincerely promised and swore that he would be faithful and bear true allegiance to her Majesty Queen Victoria. He also professed (very much to his own astonishment) that he did " from his heart abhor, detest, and abjure, as impious and heretical, that damnable doctrine and position, thai pnnces excommunicated or deprived by the pope, or any authority of the see of Kome, may be deposed or murdered by their subjects, or any other whatsoever." And, having almost lost his breath at tiiis novel " position," Mr. Verdant Green could only gasp his decla- ration, " that no foreign prince, person, prelate, state, or potentate, hath, or ought to have, any jurisdiction, power, superiority, pre- €minence, or authority, ecclesiastical or spiritual, wdthin this realm." When he had sulhciently recovered his presence of mind, Mr. Ver- daui Green inserted his name in the University books as " Generosi fihus natu maximus and then signed his name to the Thirty-niiie Articles, — though he did not endanger his matriculation, as Tlieodore Ho(>k did, by professing his readiness to sign forty if they wished it ! * The reason why such a name has been i?iven to the Schools' quadrangle tflay be found in the foUowmg extract from Ingram's MemoriMs : " The schools built by Abbot Hokenorton being inadequate to the increasing wants of the University, they applied to the Abbot of Reading for stone to rebuild them ; and in the year 15-3 - it appears that cons ierable sums of money were ex- pended on them ; but they went to decay ir. the latter part of the reign of Henry VIII. and during the whole reign of Ldward VI. The change of reli- gion having occasioned a suspension of the usual exercises and scholastic acta in the University, in the year 1540 only two of these schools were u.sed by de- terminers, and within two years after none at all. The whole area between these schools and the di%'inity school was subsequently converted into a garden »nd pig-market ; and the schools themselves, being completely abandoned bj ihe masters and scholars, were used by glovers and lavrndresses." "t* " In apodyterio doraui congregationis." AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 41 Then the Vice-ChanccUor concluded the performance by presenting to the three freshmen (in the most liberal maimer) three brown-looking volumes, with these words; " Scitote vos in Matriculam Universi- tatis hodie relutos esse, sub hac conditione, nempe ut omnia Statuta hoc libro comprehensa pro virili observetis." And the ceremony was at an end, and Mr. Verdant Green was a matriculated member oi the University of Oxford. He was far too nervous, — from the weakening effect of the popes, and the excommunicate princes, and their mm^derous subjects, — to be able to translate and understand what the Vice-Chancellor had said to him, but he thought his present to be particularly kind ; and he found it a copy of the University Statutes, which he determined forthwith to read and obey. I'hough if he had known that he had sworn to observe statutes which required him, among other things, to wear garments only oi a black or "subfusk" hue; to abstain from that absurd and proud custom of walking in pubhc in hoots, and the ridiculous one of w^ear- ing the hair long ;* — statutes, moreover, which demanded of him to refrain from all taverns, wdne-shops, and houses in which they sold wine or any other drink, and the herb called nicotiana or " tobacco;" not to hunt wild beasts with dogs or snares or nets ; not to carrj crossbows or other " bombarding'" weapons, or keep hawks for fow) • See the Oxford Statutes, tit. xiv. " De vestitu et habitu scUolastioo." 48 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, ing ; not to frequent theatres or the strifes of gladiators ; and onlj- td carry a bow and ar.ows for the sake of honest recreation ;* — if IVIr Verdant Green had known that he haJ covenanted to do this, he wouhi, perhaps, have feit some scrupits m taking the oaths of ma- tri'^iilation. But this by tlie way. Now that Mr. Green .lad seen all that he wished to see, notning remained for him but to discharge his hotel bill. It was accord- ingly called for, and produced by the waiter, whose face — by a visitation of that complaint against which vaccination is usually con- sidered a safeguard — had been reduced to a state reseuiblm^ the in- terior half of a sliced muffin. To judge from the expression of Mr. Green's features as he regarded the document that had been put into his hand, it is probable that he had not been much accustomed to Oxford hotels ; for he ran over the several items of the bill with a look in which surprise contended with indignation for the mastery, while the muffin- faced waiter handled his plated salver, and looked fixedly at nothing. Mr. Green, however, refraining from observations, paid the bill; and, muffling himself m greatcoat and travelling-cap, he prepared himself to take a comfortable journey back to Warwickshire, inside the Birmingham and Oxford coach. It was not loaded in the same way that it had been when he came up by it, and his fellow pas- sengers were of a very different description ; and it must be confessed that, in the absence of Mr. Bouncer's tin horn, the attacks of hitru- sive terriers, and the involuntary fumigation of himself with tobacco (although its presence was still perceptible witliin the coach), Mr. Green found his journey /rom Oxford much more agreeable than it had been to that place. He took an atiectionate farewell of his son, somewhat after tho manner of the " heavy fathers" of the stage ; and then the coach bore him away from the last lingering look of our hero, who felt any thing but heroic at being left for the lir^t time in his life to shift for himself. His luggage had been sent up to Brazenface, so thither he turned his steps, and with some Httle difficulty found his room. Mr. Filcher had partly unpacked his master's things, and had left everything uncomfortable and in "the most admired disorder;"' and Mr. Verdant Green sat himself down upon the "practicable" window- seat, and resigned himself to his thoughts. If they had not already flown to the Manor Green, they would soon have been carried there ; iovp German ban(l,just outside the college-gates, began to play "Home, -wcet home," with that truth and delicacy of expression which the * D-tto, tit. XV, " De moribua conformaodis.'* AN OXFORD FEESHMAN. 48 wandering minstrels of Germany seem tu acquiie intuitively. The sweet melanciioly of the simple air, as it came subdued by dis- tance into softer tones, would have powerfully affected most people who had just been torn from the bosom of their homes, to tight, all inexperienced, the battle of hfe ; but it had such an effect on Mr. Verdant Green, that — but it* little matters siiying what he did ; many people will give way to feelings in private that they would stifle in com- pany ; and if Mr. Filcher on his return found his master wiping his spectacles, why that was only a simple proceeding which all glasses frequently require. To divert his thoughts, and to impress upon himself and othera tlie fact that he was an Oxford max, our freshman set out fur a stroll; and as the unaccustomed feeling of the gown about his shoulders mada him feel somewhat embarrassed as to / ■ , ' ste])ped the carriage of his arms, he into a shop on the way and purchased \\(Y,<^ i- a hght cane, which he considered woidd 7jv\lV h greatly add to the effect of the cap and gown. Armed with this weapon, he pri)ceeded to disport himself in the ^ Christ Church meadows, and prome- |^ naded up and do^vn the Broad Walk. ^ The beautiful meadows lay green and bright in the sun ; the arching trees threw a softened light, and made a chequered pavement of the gi eat Broad ^ Walk; " witch-elms (i/Jcounter-change W the floor'" of the^ gravel-walks that wound with the windings of the Cher- ^| well ; the drooping willows were mir- H rored in its stream ; through 0})enings pzS: "N in the trees there were glim})ses of = grey old college-buildiiius ; then came tbe i^aik aloMg the baiilvs, the Isis ^ AN OXFOED FRESHMAN. 45 the rail^^y-station ; and a background of gently-rising hills. It was a cheerful scene, and the variety of figures gave life and animation to the whole. Young L dies and unprotected females were found in abundance, dressed in ad tlie engaging variety of hght spring dresses; and, aa may be supposed, our hero attracted a greal deal of tlieir attention, and afforded them no small amusement. But the unusual and ter- rific appearance of a spectacled gownsman with a cane produced the greatest alaim an'iong the juveniles, who imagined our freshman to be a new descripti m of beadle or Bogy, summoned up l)y the exigen- cies of the timi^s to presei've a rigorous discipline among the young people ; and, regarding his cane as the symbol of his stern sway, they harassev'i their nursemaids by unceasingly charging at their petticoats for protection. AltC'gether, Mr. Verdant Green made quite a sensation. CHAPTEl^ VI. MB. VERDANT GREEN DINES, BREAKF ISTS, AND GOES TO CHAPEL. Our hero tfe-essed himself w^ith great care, that he might make his first appearance in Hall with proper /cZa^ ; and, having made his way towards the lantern-surmounted building, he walked up the steps and under the groined archway w^ith a crowd of hungry undergradu- ates who were hurrying in to dinner. The clatter of plates would have alone been sufficient to guide his steps ; and, passing througli one of the doors in the elaborately-carved screen that shut off" the passage and the buttery, be found himself within the hall of Brazen^ face. It was of noble size, lighted by lofty windows, and carried up to a great height by an open roof, dark (save where it opened to the lantern) with great oak beams, and rich with carved pendants and gilded bosses. The ample fire-places displayed the capaciousness of those collegiate mouths of " the \\ken, that's it, sir !" And Mr. I'ilcher vanished just in time to prevent httle Mr. Bouncer from finisliing a furious solo, fiMra an entirely new version of Robert le Diable, which he was giving with novel effects through the medium of a speaking-trumpet. Verdant found his bed-room inconveniently small; so contracted, indeed, in its dimensions, that liis toilette was not completed without his elbows having first sulfered severe abrasions. His mechanical turni]) showed him that he had no time to lose; and the furious min- ing of a bell, whose noise was echoed by the bells of other colleges, made him dress ^\^th a rapidity quite unusuaL and hurry down stairs and across quad, to the chapel steps, up which a thrcng of students were hastening. Nearly all betrayed symptoms of having been aroused from their slee]) without having had any spare time for an elaborate toilette ; ami many, indeed, were completing it, by thrusting them- selves into surplices and gowns as they huriied up the steps. Mr. Fosbrooke was one of theses and when ho saw Verdaut cloea AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 51 to him, he benevolently recognised him, and said, " Let me put yoii up to a wrinkle. When they ring you up sharp for chape), don't yovi lose any time about your absolutions, — washing, you know; but just jump into a pair of bags and Wellingtons; clap a top-coat on you, and button it up to the chin, and there you are, ready dressed hi the twinkhng of a bed-post." Before Mr. Verdant Green could at all comprehend why a ))erson should jump into two bags, instead ofdresshig himself in the normal manner, they went througli the ante-chapel, or " Court of the Gen- tiles,"' as Mr. Fosbrooke termed it, and entered the choir of the chapel through a screen elaborately decorated in the Jacobean style, with pillars and arches, and festoons of fruit and fiow^ers, and bells and pomegranates. On either side of the door were two men, who quickly glanced at each one wdio passed, and as quickly pricked a mark against his name on the chapel lists. As the freshman went by, they made a careful study of his person, and took mental daguerreotypes of ^lis features. Seeing no beadle, or pew-opener (or, for the matter of thai, any pews), or any one to diiect him to a place, ]\Ir. Verdant 52 TIIE AD^^NTURES OF -ME. VERDANT GRFF.N, Green ti[uietly took a seat in the first place that he fouud emy^ty, which happened to be the stall on the right hand of the door. Un- conscious of the trespass he was committing, he at once put his cap to his face and knelt down ; but he had no sooner risen from his knees, than he found an imposing-looking Don, as large as life and quite as natural, who was starhig at him with the greatest astonishment, and motiohing him to immediately " come out of that !" This our hero did wi'tli li.e gi'eatest speed and confusitm, and sank breathless on the end of the nearest bench ; when just as, in his agitation, he had again said his prayer, the service fortunately commenced, and somewhat if'lieved him of his emhariassment. Although he had the glories of Magdalen, Merton, and New Collefre chapels fresh in his mind, yet Verdant was considerably impressed with the solemn beauties of his own college chapel. He admired its harmonious proportions, and the elaborate carving of its decorated tracery. He noted eveiy thing : the great eagle that seemed to be spreading its \n\igs for an upward flight, — the pavement of black and white marble, — the dark canopied stalls, rich with the AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 53 later work of Grinliiig Gibbons, — tlie elegant tracery of the -wnTiaows; and be lost himself iu a solemn reverie as he looked up at tlie saintly forms through which the rays of the morning sun streamed in rain- bow thits. But the lesson had just begun ; and the man on Verdant's light appeared to be attentively following it. Our freshman, however, could not lielp seeing the book, and, much to his astonishment, he fouiul it to be a Livy, out of which his neighbour was getting up his morn- ings lecture. He was still more astonished, when the lesson had come to an end, by being suddenly pulled back when he attempted to rise, and linding the streamers of his gown had been put to a use never in- tended for them, by being tied round the tinial of the stall belnnd him, —the silly work of a boyish gentleman, who, in his desire to play oH a practical joke on afrebliman, forgot the sacredness of the place where C(dlege rules comp^elled him to show himself on morning para.le. Chapel over, our hero hurried back to his rooms, and there, to his great joy, found a budget of letters from home ; and surely the litt [e items of intelligence that made up the news of the Manor Green ha i never seemed to possess such interest as now ! The reading and re- ^ readhig of these occupied him dmung the whole of breakfast-time ; and Mr. i'ilcher found him still engaged in perusing them when he came to clear away the things. Then it was that Verdant disco veie4 54 THE Al>^'T•.NTUIlES OF MR. VERDANT GLEEN, the extended meaning that the word " perquisites" possesses in thi eyes of a scout ; for, tc a remark that he had made, liohert replied in a tone of surprise, " Put away these bits o' things as is left, sir !" and then added, with an air of mild correction, " you see, sir, yoir-s fresh to the place, and don't know that gentlemen never Hkes that sort o' thing done here, sir; but you gets your commons, sir, fresh and fresh every morning and evening, which must be much more agreeable to the 'ealth than a heating of stale bread and such like. No, sir !" continued, Mr. Filcher, with a manner that was truly parental, " no, sir ! you trust to me, sir, and I'll take care of your things, I will." And from the way that he carried oti' the eatables, it seemed probable that he would make good his words. But our freshman felt considerable awe of his scout, and murmuring broken accents that sounded like " ignorance — customs — University," he en- deavoured, by a liberal use o-f his pocket-handkerchief, to appear as if he were not blushing. As Mr. Slowcoach had told him that he would not have to begin lectures until the following day, and as the Greek play fixed for the lecture was one with which he had been made well acquainted by Mr. Larkyns, Verdant began to consider what he could do with him- self; when the thought of Mr. Larkyns suggested the idea that hw AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 55 son Charles had prohahly hy this time returned to coUe^e. He de- teniiined therefore at once to go in search of him ; and looking o'Jia letter which the rector had commisbioned him to deliver to his son, he inquired of llobert, if he was aware whether Mr. Charles LarkjTia had come back from his hoHdays. '"OUidays, sir?" said Mr. Filcher. Oh ! I see, sir! Vaca- tion, you mean, sir. Young gentlemen as is men, sir, likes to call their 'ollidays by a different name to boys, sir. Yes, sir, Mr. Chai'lea Larkyns, he come up last arternoon, sir ; but he and Mr. Smalls, the gent as he's been down with this vacation, the same as had these rooms, sir, they didn't come to 'All, sir, but went and had their dinners comforial)le at the Star, sir ; and very pleasant they made theirselves ; and Thomas, their scout, sh", has had quite a border for sober-water this morning, sir." With somewhat of a feeling of wonder how one scout contrived to know so much of the proceedings of gentlemen who were waited on by another scout, and wholly ignorant of his allusion to his fellow- servants' dealings in soda-water, ]\Ir. Verdant Green inquired where he could find Mr. Larkyns ; and as the rooms were but just on the other side of the quad., he put on his hat, and made his way to them. The scout was just going into the room, so our hero gave a tap at the door and followed him. CHAPTER VII. ME. VERDANT GREEN CALLS ON A GENTLEMAN WHO " IS LICENSED TO SELL." • Mr. Verdant Green found himself in a room that had a pleasant look-out over the gardens of Brazeuface, from which a noble chestnut tree brought its pyramids of bloom close up to the very wuidows. The wails of the room were decorated with engravings in gilt frames, their variety of subject denoting the catholic taste of their proprietor. " The start for the Derby," and other coloured hunting prints, showed his taste for the field and horse-fiesh ; Landseers " Distinguished Member of the Humane Society," " Dignity and Impudence," and others, displayed his fondness for dog-tiesh ; while Byron beauties Amy Kobsart," and some extremely au naturel pets of the ballet, proclaimed his passion for the fair sex in general. Over the fire- place was a miii'or (for Mr. Charles Larkyns was not averse to the reflection of his good-looking features, and was rather glad than otherwise of "an excuse for the glass"), its frame stuck ftiil oi 56 THE DVEXTUEES OF KR. VERDANT GREEN, iraJesmen's cards and (unpaid) bills, invites, " bits of pasteboard*' peneilled with a mystic " wine," and other odds and ends: — no private letters though ! Mr. Larkyns was too wary to leave his " family secrets" for the delectation of his scout. Over the mirror was dis- played a fox's mask, gazing vacantly from between two brushes ; leaving the spectator to imagine that Mr. Charles Larkjais was a second Nimrud, and had in some way or other been intimately con- cerned in the capture of these trophies of the chase. This supposition of the imaginative spectator would be strengthened by the appearance of a list of hunting appointments (of the past season) pinned up over a list of lectures, and not quite in character with the tabular views of prophecies, kings of Israel and Judah, and the Thirty-nine xVrticles, which did duty elsewhere on the walls, where they w^ere presumed to be studied in spare minutes — which were remarkably spare in- deed. The sporting character of the proprietor of the rooms was fiirther suggested by the huge pair of antlers over the door, bearing on their tines a collection of sticks, whips, and spurs ; wliile to prove that Mr. Larkyns was not wholly taken up by the charms of the chase, fishing-rods, tandem-whips, cricket-bats, and Joe Mantons, w^ere piled up in odd corners ; and single-sticks, boxing-gloves, and foils, grace- fully arranged upon the walls, showed that he occasionally devoted himself to athletic pursuits. An ingenious wire-rack for pipes and meerschaums, and the presence of one or two suspicious-looking Doxes, labelled ' coUorados,' ' regalia,' ' lukotilla,' and with other un- known words, seemed to intimate, that if Mr. Larkyns was no smoker himself, he at least kept a bountiful supply of ' smoke' for his friends ; but the perfumed cloud that was proceeding from his lips as Verdant entered the room, tlisj)elled all doubts on the subject. He was much changed in a])pearance during the somewhat long interval since Verdant liad last seen him, and his handsome features had assumed a more manly, though perhaps a more rakish look. He was lolling on a couch in the neglige attire of dressing-gown and slippers, with his pink strii)ed shirt comfortably open at the neck. Lounging in an easy chair o}>posite to him was a gentleman clad in tartan-plaid, whose face might only be partially discerned through the glass bottom of a pewter, out of which he was draining the last draught. Between them was a table covered with the ordinary appointments for a break- fast, and the extra-ordinary ones of beer-cup and soda-water. Two Skye terriei's, hearing a strange footstep, immediately barked out a challenge of " Who goes there ?" and made ]\Ir. Larkyns aware that an intruder was at hand. Slightly turning his head, he dimly saw through the smoke a i^ctacled tigure taking off his hat, and holding out an envelope ; and AN OXPORD FRESHMAN. 57 without looking further, he said, " It's no use coming here, young man, and stealing a march in this way ! I don't owe you any tiling: aud if I did, it is not convenient to pay it. 1 told Si)aviii not to send me any more of his confounded reminders ; so go back and tell him that he'll lind it all right in the long-run, and that I'm really going to read this term, and shall stump the examiners at last. And now, my friend, you'd better make yourself scarce and vanish ! You know wheie the door lies!" Our hero was so confounded at this unusual manner of receiving a friend, that he was some little time before he cou] i gasp out, " ^^ hy, Charles Larkyns — don't you remember me ■ Verdant Green !" Mr. Larkyns, astonished in his turn, jumped up di^-ectly, and came to him with outstretched hands. " Ton my word, old fellow," he said, "I really beg you ten thousand pardons for not recognising you; but you are so altered — allow me to add, improved, — since I last saw you ; you were not a bashaw of two tails, then, you know ; and, really, wearing your beaver up. hke Ilamlefs uncle, I altogether took you for a dun. For 1 am a victim of a very remarkable mono- mania. There are in this place wretched beings cal'iing themselves tradn, 6th Edward I., 1278, it was known by the name of Brasen Nose Hall, which peculiai: name was xmdoubtedly owing, as the same author observes, to the circumstance of a nose of brass affixed to the gate. It is presumed, however, that tliis conspicuous appendage of the portal was not formed of the mixed metal wliich the word now denotes, but the ge- nuine produce of the mine ; as is the nose, or rather face, of a lion or leopard still remaining at Staml'ovd which also gave name to the editice it adorned. And hence, when Henry \'in. debased the coin by an alio}- of fow^rr, it was a conmioD remark or proverb, that ' Testons were gone to Oxford, to atudy is Brazen Nose.' " — Churtoiis Life of Bishop Smyth, p. 227. AN OXFORD FRESHMAN 69 Radcliffe, " is the Vice-Chancellor's house. He ha& to go each night up to that balcony on the top, and look round to see if all's safe. Those heads," he said, as they passed the Ashmolean, " are supposed to be the twelve Cjesars ; only there happen, 1 beheve, to be thirteen of them. I think that they are the busts of the original Heads of Houses." Mr. Larkyns' inventive powers having been now somewhat exhausted, he proposed that they should go back to Brazenfaee and have some lunch. This they did ; after which Mr. Verdant Green wrote to his mother a long account of his friend's kindness, and the trouble he had taken to explain the most interesting sights that could be seen by a Freshman. " Are you writing to your governor, Verdant ?" asked the friend, who had made his way to our hero's rooms, and was now perfuming them with a little tobacco-smoke. " No ; I am writing to my mama — mother, I mean !" " Oh ! to the missis !" was the reply ; " that's just the same Well, had you not better take the opportunity to ask them to send you a proper certificate that you have been vaccinated, and had the measles favourably ?" " But what is that for ?" inquired our Freshman, always anx- ious to learn. " Your father sent up the certihcate of my baptism, and I thought that was the only one wanted." " Oh," said Mr. Charles Larkyns, " they give you no end of trouble at these places ; and they require the vaccination certificate before you go in for your responsions, — the Little-go, you know. You need not mention my name in your letter as having told you this. It will be quite enough to say that you understand s-uch a thing is required." Verdant accordingly penned the request ; and Charles Larkyns smoked on, and thought his friend the very beau-ideal of a Fresh man. " By the way. Verdant," he said, desirous nyt to lose any opportunity, " you are going to wine with Smalls this evening ; and, — excuse me mentioning it, — but I suppose you would go properly dressed, — white tie, kids, and that sort of thing, eh ? Well ! ta, ta, till then. * ^\ e meet again at Phihppi!' " Acting upon the hint thus given, our hero, when Hall was over, made himself uncommonly spruce in a new white tie, and spotless kids ; and as he was dressing, drew a mental pictui'e of the party to which he was going. It was to be composed of quiet, steady men, who were such hard readers as to be called " fast men." He should therefore hear some deligiitful and ratiomd con\ ersation on the hteratm^e of ancient Greece and Home, the present stiindai'd of 00 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. \T.RDANT GREEN, scholarship in the University, speculations on the fortha ming prize- poems, comparisons between various expectant class-men, and de- lightful topics of a kin- dred nature ; and tlie evening would be passed in a grave and sedate manner ; and after a couple of glasses of wine had been leisurely sipped, they should have a very enjoyable tea, and would separate for an early rest, mutually gratified and improved. This was the nature of Mr. Verdant Green's speculations ; but vrhether they were realised or no, may be judged by transferring the scene a few hours later to Mr. Smalls' room. CHAPTER VIIL MR. VERDANT GREEn's MORNING REFLECTIONS ARE NOT SO PLEASAIs^T AS HIS EVENING DIVERSIONS. Mr. Smalls' room was filled with smoke and noise. Supper had been cleared away ; the glasses were now sparkling on the board, and tlie wine was ruby bright. The table, moreover, was supi)lied with spirituous liquors and mixtures of all descriptions, together with many varieties of " cup," — a cup wliich not only cheers, but occa- sionally inebriates ; and this miscellany of liquids was now being drunk on the premises by some score and a luilf of gentlemen, who were sitting round the table, and standing or lounging about in va- rious parts of the room. Heading the table, sat the host, loosely attirep3 that would soon be pressing against Ttarawaijs sides, tliat gallant jinimal being then in wailing, with its tiusty' groom, in the nlley at the back of lirasenface ? And if little ^Mr. Bouncer, for astute rea- sons^ of his own, wished Mr. Slowcoach to believe that he (Mr. B.) was particularly struck with his (Mr. S.'s) remarks on the force of Kara in composition, what was to prevent ]\Ir. Bouncer from feigning to make a note of these remarks by the aid of a cigar instead of au ordinary pencil ? But besides the regular lectures of Mr. Slowcoach, our hero had also the privilege of attending those of the Rev. Bichard Harmony. ]\luch learning, though it had not made j\Ir, Harmony mad, had, at least in conjunction with his natural tendencies, contributed to nuike him extremely eccentric ; while to much perusal of Greek and He- brew MSS., he probably owed his defective vision. These infirmities, instead of being regarded with sympathy, as wounds received by Mr. Harmony in the classical engagements in the various fields of literature, were, to ^Ir. ^'erdant Green's surprise, much imposed upon ; for it was a favourite pastime with the gentlemen who at- tended ]Mr. Harmony's lectui*es, to gradually raise up the lecture- 80 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, tible by a concerted action, and when Mr. Harmony's book had nearly reached to the level of his nose, to then suddenlj drop the table to its orighial level ; upon which j\Ir. Plarmony, to the immense gratification of all concerned, would rub his eyes, wipe his glasses, and murmur, Dear me ! dear me ! how my head swims this morn- ing !" And then he would perhaps ring for his ser^'ant, and order his usual remedy, an orange, at which he would suck abstractedly, nor discover any difference in the flavour even when a lemon was surrei)titiously substituted. And thus he would go on through the lecture, sucking his orange (or lemon), explaining and expoundhig in the most skilful and lucid manner, and yet, as far as the " table- . movement" was concerned, as unsuspecting and as witless as a httle child. Mr. Verdant Green not only (at first) attended lectui-es with ex- em[)lary diligence and regularity, but he also duly went to morning and evening chapel ; nor, when Sundays came, did he neglect to turn his leet towards St, Mary's to hear tlie University sermons. Their effect was as striking to him as it probably is to most persons who have only been accustomed to the usual services of country churches. First, there was the peculiar chai'acter of the congregation : down AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 81 below, the vice-chancellor in his throne, overlooking the other dona m their stalls (being " a complete realisation of stalled Oxon as Charles Larkyns whispered to our hero), who were reheved in colour by their crimson or soviet hoods ; and then, " upstairs," in the north and the great west galleries, the black mass of undergraduates ; wbila a few ladies' bonnets and heads of male visitors peeped from the pews in the aisles, or looked out from the curtains of the organ -gall ei-j", where, " by the kind permission of Dr. Elvey," they were accommo- dated with seats, and w^atched with wonder, while ** The wild wizard's fingers, With magical skill. Made music that lingers In memory s.till." 4* 82 THE AD\T:NTUIIES of Mil. \Ti:RDANT GREEN, Then tliere was the lji(l.liiig-])rayer, in which !Mr. Verdant GreeE was somewhat astonished to hear the long list of founders and bene- factors, " such as were, Philip Pluckton, Bishop of Iffley ; Khig Ed- ward the Seventh ; Stephen de Henley, Earl of Bagley, and Maud liis wife ; Nuneham Courtney, knight," with a long et-cetera ; though, as the preacher happened to be a Brazenface man, our hero found that he was " most chiefly bound to praise Clement Abingilon, Bishop of Jericho, and founder of the college of Brazenface ; Kichard Glover, Duke of Woodstock ; Giles Peckwater, Abbot of Oseney ; and Binsey Green, Doctor of ]\Iusic ; — benefactors of the same." Then there was the sermon itself; the abstrusely learned and classical character of which, at first, also astonished him, after having been so long used to the plain and highly practical advice which the rector, Mr. Larkyns, knew how to convey so well and so simply to his rustic hearers. But as soon as he had reflected on the very different cha.acters of the two congregations, Mr. Verdant Green at once recognised the appropriateness of each class of sermons to its peculiar hearers ; yet he could not altogether drive away the thought, how tlie generality of those who had on previous Sundays been his fellow-worshippers would open their blue Saxon eyes, and ransack their rustic brains, as to " what could ha' come to rector," if he were to hidulge in Greek and Latin quotations, — somewhat after the fol- lowing style. " And though this interpretation may in these days be disputed, yet we shall find that it was once very generally received. For the learned St. Chrysostom is very clear on this point, where he says, ' Arma virumque cano, rusticus expectat, sub tegmine fagi^' of which the words of Irenasus are a confirmation, — hroToroLOy TcairaTTEpal, iroXvcpXoh^oio daXaacnjc." Our hero, indeed, could not but help wondering what the fairer portion of the congregation made of these parts of the sermons, to whom, probably, the sentences just quot -d would have sounded as full of meamng as those they really heard. Hallo, Gig4amps 1" said the cheery voice of little Mr. Bouncer, as he looked one morning into Verdanfs rooms, followed by his two bull-teriiers ; " why don't you sport something in the dog line ? Some- thing in the bloodhound or tarrier way. Ain't you fond o' dogs ?" " Oh, very !" replied our hero. " I once had a very nice one, — a King Charles." " Oh !" observed Mr. Bouncer, " one of them beggars that yon have to feed with spring-chickens, and get up with curUng tongs. Ah ! they're all very well in their way. and do for women and carria^fe- exercise ; but give me this sort of thing i" and j\lr, Bouncer patted one of his villanous-looking pets, who wagged his corkscrew tail in reply. AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 88 '*Now, these are beauties, and no mistake ! What you call useful and ornamental ; aiu t you, liuzzy ? The beggars are brutliers ; so J call them liuz and liuz : — liuz his hrst-borii', you know, and Buz hia brother " " I should like a dog," said Verdant ; '* but where could I keep one?" " Oh, anywhere !" replied Mr. Bouncer confidently. I keep these beggars in the little shop for coal, just outside the door. It ain't the law, 1 know ; but what's the odds as long as they're happy ? They think it no end of a lark. I once had a Newfunland, and tried him there ; but the obstinate brute considered it too small for him, and barked himself in such an unnatural manner, that at last he'd got no wool on the top of his head, — just the place where the wool ought to grow, you know ; so 1 swopped the beggar to a Skim mery* man for a regular slap-up set of pets of the ballet, framed and glazed, petticoats and all, mhid you. But about your dog. Gig- lamps : — that cupboard there 'A'ouUI be just the ticket ; you could put him under the wine-bottles, and then there'd be wine above and whine below. Videsne puer'^ D'ye twig, young 'un ? But if ym" re squeamish about that, there are heaps of places in the tow^n where you could keep a beast." So, when our hero had been persuaded that the })Ossession of aa animal of the terrier species was absolutely necessary to a Univer- sity man's existence, he had not to look about long without having the void tilled up. Money will in most places procure any thing, from a grant of arms to a pair of wooden legs ; so it is not surprismg if, in Oxford, such an every-day commodity as a dog can be obtained througli the medium of " tiithy lucre for there was a well-known dog-fancier and proprietor, whose surname was that of the rich sub- stantiye just mentioned, to which had been pretixcd the " tiithy"' ad- jective, probably tor the sake of euphony. As usual, Filthy Lucre was clumping with his lame leg up and down the pavement just in front of the Brazenface gate, accompanied by his last " new and ex- tensive assortment'"' of terriers of every variety, which he now pulled up for the inspection of Mr. Verdant Green. " Is it a long-aird dav.'g, or a smooth 'un, as you'd most fancy ?*' inquired Lucre. " Har, sir !" he continued, hi a flattering tone, as he saw our hero's eye dwelhng on a Skye terrier ; " 1 see you're a gent as does know- a good style of dawg, when you see 'un ! It ain't often as you see a Skye sich as that, sir ! Look at his colour, m\ and the way he looks out of his 'air ! He answers to the name of Mop, sir, in consekvence of the length of his 'air ; and he's cljueap * Oxford slang ibr "St. Mary*s HalL** 84 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. \T^RDANT GREEN, as dirt, sir, at four-ten ! It's a throwin' of him away at the price ; * and I shouldn't do it, hut Tve got more dawgs than I've room for ; so I'm obligated to make a sacrifice. Four-ten, sir ! 'Ad the dis- temper, and everythink, and a reglar good 'un for the varmin." His merits also being testified to by ]\Ir. Larkyus and Mr. Bouncei (wlio was considered a high authority in canine matters), and Verdant also liking the quaint appearance of the dog. Mop eventually he- came his property, for " four-ten" minus five shillings, but plus a pint of Buttery-beer, which Mr. Lucre always pronounced to be cus- tomary " in all deaUns whatsumever atween gentlemen." Verdant was highly gi\atified at possessing a real University dog, and he patte^i Mop, and said, " 1*00 dog ! poo Mop ! poo fellow then !" and thought what a pet his sisters would make of him when he took him back home with him for the holi — the Vacation ! Mop was for following Mr. Lucre, who had clumped away up the street ; and his new master had some difficulty in keeping him ai. hia heels. By Mr. Bouncer's advice, he at once took him over the river to the field opposite the Christ Church meadows, in order to test liia AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 86 rat-killing powers. How this could be done out in the open country, our hero was at a loss to know ; but he discreetly held his tongue, for he was gradually becoming aware that a freshman in Oxford must live to learn, and that, as with most men, experieutia docet. They had just been punted over the river, and Mop had been restored to terra Jirma, when Mr. Bouncer's remark of " There's the cove that'll do the trick for you !" directed Verdant's attention to an individual, who, from his general appearance, miglit liave been lirst cousin to " Pllthy Lucre," only that his live stock was of a different description. Slung from his shoulders was a large but shallow wire cage, in which were about a dozen doomed rats, whose futile endea- vours to make their escape by running up the sides of their prison were regarded with the most intense earnestness by a group of ter- riers, who gave way to various phases of excitement. In his hand he carried a smaller circular cage,-" containing two or three rais for immediate use. On the receipt of sixpence, one of these was libe- rated ; and a few yards start being (sportsmanlike) allowed, the specu- lator's terrier was then let loose, joined gratuitously, after a short interval, by a perfect pack in full cry, with a human chorus of" Hoo rat 1 Too loo ! loo dog 1" The rat turned, twisted, doubled, be- 66 TIIE AD\'EXTURES OF MR. MORDANT GREEN, came confused, was overtaken, and, with one giip and a shake, waa dead ; while tlie excited pack returned to watch and jump at the wire cages until another doomed prisoner was tossed forth to them. Gentlemen on their way for a walk were thus enabled to wile away d few minutes at the noble sport, and indulge themselves and their dogs with a little healthy excitement ; while the boating costume of other gentleni^n showed that they had for a while left aquatic pur- suits, and had strolled up from the river to mdulge m " the sports of. the fancy." Although his new master invested several sixpences on Mops behalf, yet that ungratefid animal, being of a passive temperament of mind as regarded rats, and a slow movement of body, in consequence of \\U long hair impeding his progi'ess, rather disgi'aced himself by allowing the sport to be taken from his very teeth. But he still further disgi'aced himself, when he had been taken back to Brazen- face, by howling all through the night in the cupboard where he had been placed, thereby settmg on Mr. Bomicer's two bull-terriers, Huz and Buz, to echo the sounds with redoubled fury friMii their coal-hole quarters ; thus causing less of sleep and a gTeat outlay of Saxon ex- pletives to all the dwellers on the staircase. It was in vain that our hero got out of bed and opened the cupboard-door, and said, " Poo Mop ! good dog, then !" it was in vain that Mr, Bouncer shied boots at the coal-hole, and threatened Huz and Buz with loss of life ; it was in vain that the tenant of the attic, Mr. Sloe, who was a read- ing-man, and sat up half the night, working for his degree, — it was in vain that he opened his door, and mildly declared (over the banis- ters), that it was impossible to get up Aristotle while such a noise was being made ; it was in vain that Mr. Foui'-in-hand Fosbrooke, whose rooms were on the other side of Verdant's, came and adminis- tered to Mop severe punishment with a tandem-whip (it was a favouiite boast with Mr. Fosbrooke, that h€ could fhck a fly from, his leader's ear) ; it was in vain to coax Mop with chicken-bones : he would neither be bribed nor frightened ; and after a deceitful lull of a few minutes, just when every one was getting to sleep again, his melancholy howl would be raised with renewed vigour, and Huz and Buz would join for sympathy. " I tell you what. Gig lamps," said INIr. Bouncer the next morn- ing; " this game '11 never do. Bark's a very good thing to take in its proper way, when you're in waiit of it, and get it with port wine ; but when you get it by itself and in too large doses, it ain't pleasant, you know. Huz and Buz are quiet enough, as long as they're let alone ; and I should ad\dse you to keep Mop dowTi at Spavin's stables, or somewhere. But first, just let me give the brute the hiding lifl deserves." AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. SI Poor Mop underwent his punisliment like a martyr ; nm} in th« course of the day an arraiigement was made with Mr. Si)a\in for Mop's board and lodging at his stables. But when Verdant called there the next day, for the purpose of taking him for a walk, there was no Mop to be found ; taking advantage of the carelessness oi one of Mr. Spavin's men, he had bolted through the open door, and made his escape. Mr. l^ouncer, at a subsequent period, declared tha' he met Mop in the company of a well-lmown Kegeut-street fancier . but, however that may be, Mop was lost to Verdant Greeu. CHAPTEK X. ME. VERDANT GREEN REFORMS HIS TAILORS' BILLS AND RUNS Ul OTHERS. HE ALSO APPEARS IN A R.U>ID ACT OF HORSEMANSHIP. AND FINDS ISIS COOL IN SUMMER. The state of Mr. Verdant Green's outward man had long offended Mr. Charles Larkyns' more civihsed taste ; and he one day took occa- sion delicately to liint to his friend, that it would conduce more to - his appearance as au Oxford undergraduate, if he foreswore the pri mitive garments that his country-tailor had condemned him to wear, and adapted the " build " of his ch'ess to the pecuHar requirements of university fashion. Acting upcjn this friendly hint, our freshman at once betook him self to the shop where he had bought his cap and gown, and found its proprietor making use of the invisible soap and washmg his hands in the imperceptible water, as though he had not left off that act of imaginary cleanliness since Verdant and his father had last seen him. " Uh, certainly, sir; an abundant variety," was his reply to Yerdant's question, if he could show him any patterns that were fashionable in Oxford. " The greatest stock hout of London, I should say, sir, decidedly. This is a nice unpretendmg gentlemanly thing, sir, that >ve make up a good deal !" and he spread a shaggy substance before the freshman's eyes. " What do you make it up for ?" inquired our hero, who thought it more nearly resembled the hide of his lamented Mop than any other substance. " Oh, morning garments, sir ! Eeading and walking- coats, for eniditi(m and the promenade, sir ! Looks well . with vest of the same material, sprinkled down with coral currant buttons 1 We've some 88 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, sweet things in vests, sir; and some neat, quiet trouserings, that Tin sin e would ^ive satisfaction." And the tailor and robe-maker, be- tween washings with the invi- uL-J^l .Till' ' sible suap, so visibly " soaped" cm' hero in what is understood to be the shop-sense of the word, and so surrounded him with a perfect irradiation of aggressive patterns of oriental gorgeousness, that ^Ir. Ver- dant Green became bewil- dered, and finally made choice of one of the unpretending; gentlemanly Mop-like coats, and " vest and trouserings" of a neat, quiet, plaid -pat tern, in red and green, which, he was informed, were all the rage. When these had been sent home to him, together with 8 neck-tie of Oxford-blue from Randall's, and an immaculate guinea Lincoln- and - Bennett, our hero was delighted with the general effect of the cos- tume ; and after calling in at the tailor's to express his ap- probation, he at once sallied forth to " do the High," and display his new purchases. A drawn silk bonnet of pale lavender, from which floated some bewitching ringlets, quickly attracted our hero's attention ; and the sight of an arch, French-looking face, which (to his short-sighted imagination) smiled upon him as the young lady rustled by, immediately plunged him iuto the depths of first-love. Without the slightest encouragement being given him, he stalked this little deer to her lair,, and, after some difficult}', discovered the enchantress to be Mademoiselle Mous- lin de Laine, one of the presiding goddesses of a fancy hosiery warehouse. There, for the next fortnight, — until which immense period his ardent passion had not subsided, — our hero was daily to be seen purchasing articles for which he had no earthly use, but fiilly recom[)enped for his outlay by the artless (ill-natiured people Baid, artful) smiles, and engaging, piquant conversation of made- moiselle. Our hero, \S"hen reminded of this at a subsequent perio4t AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 09 IT protested that he had thus acted merely to improve his French, and only conversed with mademoiselle for educational purposes. But we have our doubts. Credat Judceus! About this time also our hero laid the nest- eggs for a very promis- ing brood of bills, by acquiring an expensive habit of strolling into shops, and pui ci asing " an extensive assort- ment of articles of e\ery description,' tor no other consideration than that | he should not be called upon to pay for them until ne had taken his degree. He also deco- rated the walls ot his rooms with choice spe- cimens of engravings : foi the tui'ning over of portfolios at Kyman's, and Wyatt's, usually leads to the eventual turning over oi a considerable amount of cash ; and our hero had Hut yet become acquainted with the cheaper circulating-system ol pictures, which gives you a I'resh set every term, and passes on your old ones to some other subscriber. But, in the mean time, it is very delightful, when you admire any thing, to be able to say, " Send that to my room !'"' and to be obsequiously obeyed, " no questions asked," and no payment demanded ; and as for the future, why —as Mr. Larkyns observed, as they strolled down the High — " 1 suppose the bills ivill come in some day or other, but the governor will see to them ; and though he may grumble and pull a long face, yet he'll only be too glad you've got your degree, and, in the fulness of his heart, he will open his cheque-book. I daresay old Horace gives very good advice when he says, ' carpe diem but when he aads, * quam minimum credula postero,'* about " not giving the least credit to the succeeding day," it is clear that he never looked forward to the Oxford tradesmen and the credit-system. Do you ever read Wordsworth, Verdant ? " continued Mr. Larkyns, ai * Car. i. od. xi. 90 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, they stopped at tlie corner of Oriel Street, to look in at a spaciouft range of shop windows, that were crowded with a costly and glit- tering profusion papier mache articles, statuettes, bronzes, glass, and every kind of " fancy goods ' that could be classed as " art-work- manship." " Why, I've net read much of Wordsworth myself," replied our hero ; " but I've heard niy sister ]\Iary read a great deal of his poetry." " Sliows her taste." said Charles Larkjiis. " Well, this shop —you see the name — ^is Spiers'; and Wordsworth, in his sonnet to Oxford, has immortalised him. Don't you remember the lines? — * O ye Spiers of Oxford ! yoiu- presence overpowers The soberness of reason !'* It wa^ very queer that Wordsworth should ascribe to Messrs. Spiers * Wc suspect that Mr. Larkyiis is apfain intentionally deceiving his fresh- man friend ; for on looking into our Wordsworth {Misc. Son. iii. 2) we find that the poet does not l otbr to the establishment of Messi-s. Spiers and Sou, and that the lines, truly quoted, are, ye S2)ire.i of Oxford ! domes and towers! Gardens and groves ! Your presence," &c. W« blush for Mr. Larkyns ! AN OXFOI D FRESHMAN. all the in!^xi^atioi cf th • place ; but chei he w;>,s a famlTidge man< and prejudiced. Nice shop, though, isi t it? Par dcular.y useful, and no less ornamental. It's one of the greatest lounges of the place l,et us go in and have a look at what Mrs Caudle calls the articles of bigotry and virtue." Mr. Verdant Green was soon deeply engaged in an inspection of those papier-7nach€ " remembrances of Oxford" for which the Messrs. k 'piers are so justly famed ; but after turning over tables, trays, screens, desks, albums, portfolios, and other things, — all of which displayed views of Oxford from every variety of aspect, and were executed with such truth and perception of the higher qualities of art, that they formed in themselves quite a small but gratuitous Academy exhibition, — oiu- hero became so confused among the be- wildering allurements around him, as to feel quite SLnemban-as de richesses, and to be in a state of mind in which he was nearly giving Mr. Spiers the most extensive (and expensive) order which probably that gentlen^an had ever received from an undergraduate, i'ortu- nately for his purse, his attention was somewhat distracted by per- ceiving that Mr. Slowcoach was at his elbow, looking over ink- stands ami reading-lamps, and also by Charles Larkyns calling upon him to docide whether he should have the cigar-case he had piu"- chased emblazoned with the heraldic device of the Larkyns, or illu- minated ^vith the Euripidean motto, — To (iaic^tKov ^ojprjfia Xa/3e', (re yap 0t\a>. ^\Tien this point liad been decided Mr. Larkyns proposed to Ver- dant that he i-hould astonish and delight his governor by having the Green arms emblaz. ned on a fire-screen, aiid taking it home with him as a gift. " Or-else," he said, " order one with the garden viev. of Brazenface, and then they'll have more satisfaction in looking at that than at one of those offensive cockatoos, in an arabesque land- scape^ , under a bronze sky, which usually sprawls over every thing that is papier-mache. But you won't see that sort of thing here ; so you can't well go wrong, whatever you buy." Finally, Mr. Ver- dant Green (N.B. Mr. Green, senior, would have eventually to pay the bill) ordered a fire-screen to be prepared with the family-arms, as a present for his father ; a ditto, with the view of his college, for his mother; a writing-case, with the High Street view, for his aunt; a netting-bcx, card- case, and a model of the Martyrs' Memorial, for his three sisters; and having thus bountifully remembered his family- circle, he treated himself with a modest paper-knife, and was treated in return by Mr. Spiers with a perfect bijou of art, in the shape of " a meuiorial fur visitors to Oxford," in which the chief glories of that 92 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, city M'ere set forth in gold and colours, in tlie most attractive form, and which our hero immediately posted off to the Manor Green. " And now, Verdant," said Mr. Larkyns, " you may just as well get a hack, and come for a ride with me. You've kept up your riding, of course." " Oh, yes — a little !" faltered our hero. Now, the reader may perhaps remember, that in an early part of our veracious chronicle we hinted that Mr. Verdant Green's eques- trian performances were but of a humble character. They w^ere, in fact, limited to an occasional ride with his sisters when they required a cavalier; but on these occasions, the old cob, which Verdant called his own, was warranted not to kick, or plunge, or start, or do any thing derogatory to its age and infirmities. So that Charles Larkyns' proposition caused him some little nervous agitation ; nevertheless, as he was ashamed to confess his fears, he, in a moment of weakness, consented to accompany his friend. " We'll go to Symonds','* said Mr. Larkyns; " I keep my hack there ; and you can depend upon having a good one." So they made their way to Plolywell Street, and turned under a gateway, and up a paved yard, to the stables. The upper part of the yard was littered down with straw, and covered in by a light, ojieu roof ; and in the stables there was accommodation for a hundred horses. At the back of the stables, and separated from the Wadham Gardens by a narrow lane, was a paddock ; and here they found ]\lr. Fos- brooke, and one or two of his friends, inspecting the leaping abilities ©f a fine hunter, which one of the stable-boys was taking backwards and forwards over the hurdles and fences erected for that purpose. The horses were soon ready, and Verdant summoned up enough courage to say, wdth the Count hi Mazeppa, " Bring forth the steed !" And when the steed was brought, in all the exuberance of (literally) animal spirits, he felt that he was about to be another IMazeppa, and perform feats on the back of a wild horse ; and he could not help saying to the ostler, " He looks rather — vicious, I'm afraid !" " Wicious, sir," replied the groom ; " bless you, sir! she's as sweet- tempered as any young ooman you ever paid your intentions to. The mare's as quiet a mare as was ever crossed ; this ore's ony her play at comm' fresh out of the stable !" Verdant, how^ever, had a presentiment that the play would soon become earnest ; but he seated himself in the saddle [after a short delirious dance on one toe), and in a state of extreme agitation, not to say perspiration, proceeded at a walk, by ]\Ir. Larkyns' side, up Holywell Street. Here the mare, who doubtless soon understood what sort of rider she had got on her back, began to be more de- monstrative of the " fresh"ness of her animal spirits. Broad Street AN OXFOED FRESHMAN. 9a was scarcely broad enough to contain the series of tableaux vivants and lieraldic attitudes that she assumed. '* Don't pull the curb-rein so !" shouted Charles Larkyns ; but Verdant was in far too dreadful a state of mind to understand what he said, or even to know which was the curb -rein ; and after convulsively clutching at the mane and the pommel, in his endeavours to keep his seat, he first " lost his head," and then his seat, and ignominiousiy glid- ing ttver the mare's tail, found that his lodging was on the cold ground. Keheved of her burden, the mare quietly trotted back to her stables; while Verdant, finding himself unhurt, got up, replaced his hat and spectacles, and regis- tered a mental vow never to mount an Ox- ford hack again. " Never mind, old fellow !" said Charles Larkyns, consolingly ; " these little accidents will occur, you know, even with the best-regulated riders ! There were not more than a dozen ladies saw you, though you certaiidy made very creditable exertions to ride over one or two of them. Well ! if you say you won't go back to Symonds', and get another hack, I must go on solus ; but I shall see you at the Bump-supper to-night ! I got old Blades to ask you to it. I'm going now in search of an appetite, and 1 should atlvise yuu to take a turn round the Parks and do the same. Au reservoir /" So our hero, after he had compensated the livery-stable keeper, followed his friend's advice, and strolled round the neatly-kept potato-gardens denominated " the Parks," looking in vain for the deer that have never been there, and finding them represented only by nursery-maids and — others. Mr. Blades, familiarly known as old Blades" and Billy," wa.s a gentleman who was fashioned somewhat alter the model of the THE ADVENTURES OF mt. \'EIIDANT GREEN, torso of Hercules ; and, as Stroke of tlie Brazenface boat, was held ia high estimation, not only by the men of his own college, but also by the boating men of the University at large. His University existence seemed to be engaged in one long struggle, the end and aim of which was to place the Brazenface boat in that envied position known in aquatic anatomy as " the head of the river and in this struggle all Mr. Blades' energies of mind and body, — though particularly of body, — were engaged. Net a freshman was allowed to enter Brazen- tace, but immediately Mr. Blades' eye was upon him ; and if the ex- pansion of the up})er part of his coat and waistcoat denoted that hia muscular development of chest and arras was of a kind that might be serviceable to the great object aforesaid — 'the placing of the Bra- zenface boat at the head of the river, — then ^ir. Blades came and made flattering proposals to the new-comer to assist in the great work. But he was also indefatigable, as secretary to his college club, hi seeking out all freshmen, even if their thews and sinews were Dot muscular models, and inducing them to aid the glorious cause b^ becomingmembers of the club. A Bump-supper, — that is, ye uiiin- itiated ! a su})per to commemorate the fact of the boat of one college having, in the annual races, bumped, or touched the boat of another college immediately in its front tliereby gaining a place towards the head of the river, — a Bump-supper was a famous opportunity for dis- covering both the rowing and payhig capabilities of freshmrn, who, in the enthusiasm of the moment, would put dowi] their two or thres AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 96 guinea?, and at once propose their names to be enrollc'd as meiuberti at the next meeting of the club. And thus it was with Mr. Verdant Green, who, before the evei> ing was over, found that he had nut only given in his name (" pro posed by Charles Larkyns, Esq., seconded by Henry Bouncer, Esfj."), but that a desire was burning within his breast to distingiiisli hinist'll m aquatic pursuits. Scarcely any thing else was talked of during the whole evening but the prospective chances of Brazeuface bumping Balliul and l>rasenose, and thereby gettmg to the head of the river. It was also mysteriously whispered, that Worcester and Christ Chur(;h were doing well, and might prove formidable; and that Exeter, Lin- coln, and W'adliam were very shady, and not doing the things thai (vere expected of them. Great excitement too was caused by the announcement, that the Balliol stroke had knocked up, or knocked down, or done something which Mr. Verdant Green concluded he ought not to have done ; and that the Brazenose bow liad been seen with a cigar in his mouth, and also eating pastry in Hall, — tilings shocking in themselves, and quite contrary to all training })riuciples. Then there were anticipations of Henley ; and criticisms on the new eight out-rigger that Searle was laying down for the University crew , and comi)arisons between somebody's stroke and somebody else's spurt ; and a good deal of reference to Clasper and Coombes, and Newall and Pococke, who migl^ have been heathen deities for all that our hero knew, and from the manner in which they were men- tioned. The aquatic desires that were now burning in 'Mr. Verdant Green's breast could only be put out by the water ; so to the river ae next day went, and, by Charles Larkyns' advice, made his first essay in a " tub" fi"om Hall's. Being a complete novice with the oars, our hero had no' sooner pulled off his coat and givei^^ull, than he succeeded in catching a tremendous " crab,'' the effect of which was to throw him backwards, and almost to upset the boat. Ir ortu- nately, however, " tubs" recover their equilibrium almost as easily as tombolas, and "the Sylph"' did not belie its character; so the fresh- man again assumed a proper position, and was shoved oft' with a boat- hook. At first he made some hopeless splashes in the stream, the only effect of which was to make the boat turn with a circular move- ment towards Folly Bridge ; but Charles Larkyns at once came to the rescue with the sLnple but energetic compendium of boating iu struction, " Put your oar in deep, and bring it out with a jerk !" Bearing this in mind, our hero's efforts met with well-merited ■success ; and he soon passed that mansion which, instead of cellars, appears to have an ingenious system of small rivers to thoroughly irrigate its foundations. One by one, too, he passed those houafr 96 THE ADVENT?"RES OF MB VERDANl IREEN, boats which are more like the Noah's arks of ;oy-shops than any thing else, and sometimes contain quite as onginal a mixture ol animal specimens. Wanning with his exertions, Llr. Verdant Green passed tlie University barge in great style, just as the eight was pre- paring to start ; and though he was not able to " feather his oars with skill and dexterity," like the jolly young waterman in the song, yet his sleight-of-hand perfomiances with them proved nut only a source of great satisfaction to the crews on the river, but also to the promenaders on the shore. He had left the Christ Church meadows far behind, and was be- ginning to feel slightly exhausted by his unwonted exertions, when he reache||^iat bewildering part of the river termed " the Gut." So confusing \^e the intestine commotions of this gut, that, after passing a chequered existence as an aquatic shuttlecock, and being assailed with a slang- dictionary-full of opprobrious epithets, Mr. Verdant Green caught another tremendous crab, and before he could recover himself, the " tub"' received a shock, and, with a loud cry of " Boat ahead !" ringing in his ears, the University Eight passed over the place where he and " the Sylph" had so lately disported themselves. ^\ith the wind nearly knocked out of his body by the blade of the bow-oar striking him on the chest as he rose to the surface, our unfortunate hero was immediately dragged from the water, in a con- dition like that of the child in The Stranger (the only joke, by the way, in that most dreary play) " not dead, but very wet !" and forth- with placed in safety in his dehverer's boat. " Hallo, Gig-lamps ! who the doose had thougjit of seeing you here, devoiuing Isis in this expensive way !" said a voice very coolly. AN OXFOED FRESIEMAN. 97 And our hero found that he had been rescued by little Mr. Bouncer, who had been tacking up tlie river in company with Huz and Buz t and his meerschaum. " You have been and gone and done it now, young man !" continued the vivacious Uttle gentleman, as he surveyed our hero's draggled and forlorn condition. " If you'd only a comb and a glass in yoLir hand, you'd look distressingly hke a cross-breed with a mermaid ! You ain't subject to the whatdyecallems — the rheumatics, are you ? Because, if so, I could put you on shore at a tidy little shop where you can get a glass of brandy-and-water, and have your clothes dried ; and then mamma won't scold." " Indeed," chattered our hero, " I shall be very glad mdeed ; for I feel — rather cold. But what am I to do mth my boat ?" " Oh, the Lively Polly, or whatever her name is, will find her way back safe enough. There are plenty of boatmen on the river wholl see to her and take her back to her owTier ; and if you got her from Hall's, I daresay she'll dream that she's dreamt in marble halls, hke you did. Gig-lamps, that night at Smalls', when you got wet in rather a more lively style than you've done to-day. Now I'll tack you up to that httle shop I told you of." So there our hero was put on shore, and Mr. Bouncer made ^osk 5 96 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, his boat and accompanied liira ; and did not leave him until 1 e had 5eeu him between the blankets, drinking a glass of hot brandy-and- water, the while his clothes were smoking before the tire. This Uttle adventure (fur a time at least) checked ]\Ir. Verdant Green's aspirations to distinguish himself on the river ; and he there- fore renounced the sweets of the Isis, and contented himself by prac- tising with a punt on the Cher\N-ell. There, after repeatedly over- balancing himself in the most suicidal manner, he at length peacefully settled down into the lounging blissfulness of a " Cherwell water- lily and on the hot days, among those gentlemen who had moored iheir punts underneath the overhanging boughs of the willows and limes, and beneath their cool shade were lying, in dx}lce far niente fashion, with then- legs up and a weed in their mouth, readitig the last new novel, or some less immaculate work, — among these gentle- men might haply have been discerned the form and spectacles of Mr« Verdant Green. AN OXFORD FRESIIMAI*. 99 CHAPTER XI. MR. VERDANT GREEN's SPORTS AND PASTi:\IES. Archery was all the fashion at Brazenface. They had as fine a lawn for it as the Trinity men , had ; and all day long there was somebody to be seen makmg holes in the targets, and emleavouring to reahse the pose of the Apollo Belvidere ; — rather a difficult thing to do, when you come to wear plaid trousers and shaggy coats. As Mr. Verdant Green felt desirous not only to uphold all the institu- tions of the University, but also to make himself acquainted with the sports and pastimes of the place, he forthwith joined the Archery and Cricket Clubs. He at once inspected the manufactures of Muir and Buchanan ; and after selecting from their stores a fancy-wood bow, with arrows, belt, quiver, guard, tips, tassels, and gi^ease-pot, he felt himself to be duly prepared to represent the Toxophilite cha- racter. But the sustaining it was a more difficult thing tlian he had conceived ; for although he thought that it would be next to impos- sible to miss a shT> VENTURES OF ME. VERDANT GREEN, lums Life), when he tohi Verdant, that his claret had been repeatedly tapped, liis bread-basket walked into, his day-lights darkened, hii ivories rattled, his nozzle barked, his whisker bed napped heavily, his kissing-trap countered, his ribs roasted, his nut spanked, and his whole person put in chancery, stung, bruised, fibbed, propped, fiddled, slogged, and otherwise ill-treated. So it is hardly to be wondered at if ]\lr. Verdant Green from thenceforth gave up boxing, as a senseless and ungentlemanly amusement. But while these pleasures (?) of the body were being attended to, the recreation of the mind was not forgotten. Mr. Larkyns had pro- posed Verdant's name at the Union ; and, to that gentleman's great satisfaction, he was not black-balled. He daily, therefore, frequented ihe reading-room, and made a point of looking through all the maga- liines and newspapers ; while he felt quite a pride in sitting in luxu- rious state apstairs, writing his letters to the home department on the very best note-paper, and sealing them extensively with " the Oxford Union" seal ; thuugh he could not at first^be persuaded that trusthig his letters to a wire closet was at all a safe system of postage. He also attended the Debates, which were then held in the long room behind ^^'yatt's ; and he was particularly charmed with the manner in which vital questi^»ns, that (as he learned from the news- papers) had proved stumbhng-blocks to the greatest statesmen of thf; knd, were rapidly solved by the embryo statesmen of the Oxford Union. It was quite a sight, in that long picture-room, to see the rows cf light iron seats densely crowded with young men — some oi whom wc^d perhaps rise to be Cannings, or Peels, or Gladstones,—-* AN OXFORD FEESHMAN. 107- and to hear how one beardless gentleman would call another beardless gentleman his " honourable Mend,'"' and appeal " to the sense of the House," and address himself to "Mr. Speaker;" and how they would all juggle the same tricks of rhetoric as their fathers were doing it certain other debates in a certain other House. And it was curious, too, to mark the points of resemblance between the two Houses; and how the smaller one had, on its smaller scale, its Hume, and its Lord John, and its "Dizzy;" and how they went through the same tra- ditional forms, and preserved the same time-honoured ideas, and de- bated in the fullest houses, with the greatest spirit and the greatest length, on such points as, " What course is it advisable for this coun- try to take in regard to the government of its Indian possessions, and the imprisonment of Mr. Jones by the Rajah of Humbugi)oopoonah ?" Indeed, ISIr. Verdant Green was so excited by this interesting debate^ that on the third night of its adjournment he rose to address the House ; but being "no orator as Brutus is," his few broken words were received with laughter, and the honourable gentleman was coughed down. Our hero had, as an Oxford freshman, to go through that cheerful form called " sitting in the schools," — a form which consisted in the follo\\dng ceremony. Through a door in the right-hand corner of the Schools Quadrangle,— (Oh, that door ! does it not bring a pang into youi' heart only to think of it ? to remember the day when you went in there as pale as the little pair of bands in which you were dressed for your sacrifice ; and came out all in a glow and a chiU when youi^ exammation was over; and posted your bosom-friend there to receive from Purdue the little shp of paper, and bring you the thrillmg intelligence that you had passed ; or to come empty- handed, and say that you had been plucked ! Oh, that door ! well might be inscribed there the hne which, on Dante's authority, is assigned to the door of another place, — " ALL HOPE ABANDON, YE WHO ENTER HERE !") — entering through this door in company with several other unfor- tmiates, our hero passed between two galleries through a passage, by which, if the place had been a circus, the horses would have en- tered, and found himself in a tolerably large room lighted on either side by windows, and panelled half-way up the walls. Down the centre of this room ran a large green-baize-covered table, on the one side of which were some eight or ten miserable beings who were then undergoing examination, and were supplied with pens, ink, blotting- pad, and large sheets of thin " scribble-paper," on Avhich they were struggling to impress their ideas ; or else had a book set before them, out of which they were construing, or being racked with questions that touched now on one subject and now ou another, like a bee 108 THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN, among flowers. The large table was liberally supplied with all the apparatus and instruments of torture ; and on the other side of it sat the three examiners, as dreadful and formidable as the terrible three of Venice. At the upper end of the room was a chair of state for the Vice-Chancellor, whenever he deigned to personally superintend the torture ; to the right and left of which accommodation was pro« vided for other victims. On the right hand of the room was a small open gallery of two seats (like those seen in mfant schools) ; and here, from 10 in the morning till 4 in the afternoon, with only the interval of a quarter of an hour for luncheon, Mr. Verdant Green was compelled to sit and watch the proceedings, his perseverance being attested to by a certificate which he received as a reward for his meritorious conduct. If this "sitting in the schools"* was estabUshed as an in terrorem form for the spectators, it undoubtedly generally had the desired effect ; and what with the miseiy of sitting through a whole day on a hard bench with nothing to do, and the agony of seeing your fellow- creatures plucked, and having visions of the same prospective fate for yourself, the day on which the sitting took place was usually regai'de«J • This form has been abolished (1853) under the new regulations. AN OXFORD FRESHMAN. 109 as one of those wliich, "if 'twere done, 'twere well it sliould be done quickly." As an appropriate sequel to this proceeding-, ]\lr. Verdun L Green attended the interesting ceremony of coniorrnig degrees ; where he discovered that the apparently insane promenade of the proctoi gave rise to the name bestowed on (what Mr. Larkyns called) tne equally insane custom of " plucking."* There too our hero saw the Vice-Chancellor in all his glory ; and so agreeable M ore the proceedings, that altogether he had a great deal of Bhss.-|- * When the degrees are confeiTod, the name of each person is read ont ccfore he is presented to the Vice-Chancellor. The proctor then walks once itj) and down the roonii, so that any person who objects to the degree being orranted may signify the same by pviliing oc " plucking" the proctor's robes This has been occasionaUy done by tradesmen, in order to obtain payment ol their little bills ;" but such a proceeding is very rare, and the proctor s pro* tnenade is usually undisturbed. t The Rev. Philip Bliss, D.C.L., after holding- the onerous post of Itegistral of the University for many years, and discharging its duties in a way ihat called forth the unanimous thanks of the University, resigned ofSce in 1853. 110 THE ADVENTUEES OF ME. VERDANT GRKBX, % CHAPTER XII. MR. VERDAJJT GREK-J TERMINATES HIS EXISTENCE AS AN OXFORl FRESHMAN. ** Before I go home," said ^Mr. Verdant Green, el he expelle(^ k volume of smoke from his lips, — for he had overcome his tirst weak' ness, and now " took his weed" regularly, — " before 1 go home, 1 must see what I owe in the place ; for my father said he did not like for me to rim in debt, but wished me to settle my bills terminally." " What, you're afraid of having what we call bill-ious fever, I suppose, eh ?" laughed Charles Larkyns. " All exploded ideas, my dear fellow. They do veiy well in their way, but they don't an- swer; don"t pay, in fact; and the shopkeepers don't like it either. By the way, l52an show you a great curiosity ; — the autograph ol an Oxford tradesman, very rare I I think of presenting it to tha Ashmolean." And Mr. Larkpis opened his writing-desk, and took therefrom an Oxford pastrycook's bill, on which appeared the magio word, Received." " Now, there is one thing," continued Mr. Larkyns, " which you really must do before you go down, and that is to see Blenheim, And the best thing that you can do is to join Fosbrooke and Bouncer and me, in a trap to Woodstock to-morrow, ^^'e'll go in good time, and make a day of it." Verdant readily agreed to make one of the party ; and the next mornmg, after a breakfast in Charles Larkyns' rooms, they ma