k m 
 
 D UKE Wv 
 
 
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 ECTION 
 
 ;8LBVA^ 
 
 AND _ TC -M 
 
 H METHOD« M 
 
 I 
 
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 /■■ :■ I 
 
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OB. 16. i7 x 4- 
 
 Imprimatur. 
 
 pErlegi ingeniojum tyeruditum hunc 
 r Librumcui Titulus (a Second 
 TALE of a TUB; orthe 
 Hiftory of Ro bert Po wel the 
 Puppet>8how-Man) in quo nil 
 reperio bonis moribus^ farue *Do- 
 Srina^ vel Legibw* nofiris con* 
 trarium* 
 
 T. D. R. L. 
 *S.D. 
 
: t 
 
 A Second 
 
 TALE 
 
 O F A 
 
 TUB: 
 
 O R, 
 
 The Hiftory of Robert Powel 
 the Puppet-Show-Man. 
 
 Dingdong. Give me your Hand— ■'Humph, you go to fee 
 Fajbions ; you are the King's Jejler ; your Name is Robin 
 Mutton. Do you fee this fame Ram ? His Name too is 
 Robin. Here, Robin, Robin, Robin; Baea, Baea, Baea. 
 Hath he not a rare Voice t 
 
 Panurge. Ay marry hath be, a very fine and harmonious Voice. 
 
 Dingdong. Well, this Bargain Jball be made between you and 
 me, friend and Neighbour j we wiliget a Pair of Scales, 
 then you, Robin Mutton Jhall be put into one of them, 
 and Tup Robin into the other. Now I'll hold you a Peck 
 ofOyfters, that in Weighty Value, or Price, he Jball outdo 
 youy and you Jball be found light in the very numerical 
 manner as when you Jhall be hanged and fuj fended. 
 
 Rabelais, Book 4. Chap. 6. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 Printed for J. Roberts near the Oxford Arms 
 
 in Warwick-lane, 171 5. Price 3 s. 6 d. 
 

b» 
 
 To the Right Honourable 
 
 THE 
 
 E-l of Ox-d. 
 
 MT LORD, 
 
 m T is the Cu 
 
 I (torn of Man- 
 
 kind to fol- 
 low the For^ 
 tunes of a Great Man, 
 as long as they conti- 
 nue to be a Support to 
 A ,a his 
 
iv TotheE-l of Ox*-*!. 
 
 his Dependants ; but 
 when once his Power 
 is loft, the Croud for- 
 fake his Levee, and e- 
 ven (hun the Idol, to 
 whom before they had 
 paid their Homage. 
 
 I fcorn to be of the 
 Number with fuch 
 Men, and therefore 
 begin to take Your 
 Lordfhip for my Pa- 
 tron, when everyone 
 beiides avoids the ve- 
 ry Sight of you ; but 
 
 to 
 
:■ -■ ■. 
 
 To the E-l of Ox-d. v 
 
 to me You appear as 
 honefl, as wife, and as 
 worthy of Refpett as 
 ever. 
 
 The Author of the 
 following Sheets has 
 indeed dedicated 'em 
 to the Lady Majority, 
 who of late has with- 
 drawn all her Smiles 
 from Your Lordfliip, 
 and left You to enjoy 
 Your own cloudy fal- 
 len Brow. But cheer 
 up, my Lord; 'tis time 
 
 enough 
 
vi To the E. of Ox— d. 
 
 enough to wear a hang* 
 ing Look, when thatLady 
 fhallcome impartially 
 to examine into Your 
 Conduct, and when 
 You may be in danger 
 of being condemned, 
 even by Tour own Peers. 
 In the mean time, I 
 beg Your Protection 
 for Your Countryman 
 and Namefake, Mr. 
 Robert Powel, whofe A- 
 clions are too ingeni- 
 ous not to merit Your 
 
 Appro- 
 
TotheE4ofOx'*d. vii 
 
 Approbation, andwhofe 
 Fortunes bear too near 
 a refemblanee to Your 
 Lordfhip's, not to claim 
 Your Pity. And here, 
 My Lord, had I the Ge- 
 nius of a Bentley, I 
 would in a familiarDia- 
 logue inform my Book 
 of all Your Lordfhip's 
 Virtues, not omitting 
 to mention Your Wife 
 and Children. 
 
 But, Alas ! thefe are 
 Flights too high for a 
 
 Poor 
 
viii To the E-l of Ox-d. 
 
 Poor Publiiher ; who 
 muft be content with 
 only touching upon 
 one or two of your 
 more remarkable En- 
 dowments , fuch as 
 your Nobk Spirit, or 
 your Open Sincerity. 
 
 One of which you 
 have given fignal In- 
 ftances of, from the ve- 
 ry moment you were 
 difmift the Manage- 
 ment of Publick Af- 
 fairs : And the other 
 
 has 
 
To the E-l of Ox-d. ix 
 
 has been the Charm 
 with which you long 
 have held all Europe 
 linked to your Inter- 
 eft; For, my Lord, 'tis 
 that undefigning Inte- 
 grity and Jincere Con* 
 dutt of yours, that has 
 madeMankind repofe 
 fuch Confidence in 
 your Lordfliip, and 
 ftile you the Retriever 
 of Public Credit. 
 
 But no longer to 
 trefpafs upon your 
 
 Mo 
 
x To the Erlof Qx-~d. 
 
 Modefty, whilftlam 
 doing Juftice to your 
 Merit; I fhall only 
 afliire your Lordlhip, 
 that mould this Book 
 meet w ith a favourable 
 Reception from the 
 Town, I (hall impute 
 it wholly to your Lord, 
 flip's Charafter ; and 
 am, with all due Refpeff y 
 
 My Lord, 
 
 Tour Lord/hip's moji 
 Humble Servant, 
 
 The Publifber. 
 
THE 
 
 Dedication. 
 
 T O T H E 
 
 Lady MAJORITY, 
 
 the Infallible Decider of Cafes 
 Known or Unknown. 
 
 Madam, 
 
 fjf^lf^fii r 16 t0 y m -> m the great 
 
 ^ir^s^S ™ at I dedtcate this elabo* 
 
 M^^WL rateTiece of Mr. Powell, 
 
 wboje vajt ouccejfes ana 
 
 furprizing Enterprizes have been all 
 
 owing 
 
xii The Dedication. 
 
 owing to your Lady /hip. 'Tis you 
 Madam.) who have dub'd the Hero, 
 and as he is wholly a Creature of your 
 own, fo I leave him under your Pro* 
 teffion \ which as long as he enjoys, I 
 doubt not of his Prosperity ; but fhoud 
 you fling him off and difown him, I im- 
 mediately read his difmal Fate, Axes, 
 Gibbets, Halters, pillories, whipping 
 Pcfts mufl certainly attend him, while 
 *Pyes, Pepper^ Ginger, Sugar, and o- 
 ther Grocery Wares, /kali take his Hi- 
 ftory. But I hope you will not leave an 
 Animal fo entirely your Lady/hip*s to 
 the Mercy of that mercilefs, bloody, 
 and evcrlajling Enemy of yours, I mean 
 that pimping jfade Minority ; who ever 
 in the wrong continues to be your teaz- 
 ing Opponent, and whom nothing but 
 wholeibme Severities can bring over. 
 0, Madam, let not Correction be want- 
 ing, but even for your own and her Con- 
 flitution correct her wholefomely, and 
 put her to filencc with Faggots, like a 
 
 Here- 
 
The Dedication, xiii 
 
 Heretkk as fie is. Minority, Madam, 
 is Latin and Greek both for Herefy, 
 the Word fully implies it, and I need 
 not tell you, that it contains a Thou- 
 fand other fcandalous Significations, as 
 that Minority denotes Nonage, Want 
 of Senfe, Atheifm, Folly, Cunning y 
 Stupidity, Knavery, Ambition, Nar- 
 row-heart ednefs, prodigality, Covetouf- 
 nefs, Cowardice^ Rafhnefs, and what 
 not. 
 
 What Man has been beheaded for 
 Treafon, hanged for Felony, burnt for 
 Herefy, pittord for Forgery, whipt for 
 Larceny, Stock 9 d for'Drunkennefs, pu* 
 ni/Fdfor Bribery, but was of the fame 
 Side with Miftrefs Minority, an un- 
 lucky Leader to all her Followers? Who 
 was ever expelTd the Houfe of C — s y 
 who ever fent into Mr. Serjeant's Cu- 
 fiody, who ever committed unto New- 
 gate, who ever clapt up in the Tower, 
 but was an unhappy Retainer to tbat 
 
xiv The Dedication. 
 
 Jilt Minority ? Minority that ever- 
 lafling Culprit ! Avaunt then, Mino- 
 rity, and let the glorious Name of your 
 Lady/hip he the Theme of my Ten. 
 Majority the Victorious and Infallible, 
 ivhofe Judgment is for ever found, whofe 
 Opinion is uncontrovertible, and whofe 
 'Religion is eternally Orthodox. It is 
 you, my Lady, that have planted T?ro* 
 tefiantifm in Britain, Topery in France, 
 Mahometifm in Turky, Heathenifm 
 in China ; yet who dares tax you with 
 Herefy ? It is Tou that have fet up a 
 mixt Government in England, Slavery 
 in France, and a Commonwealth in 
 Holland ; yet who calls you Tyrannical 
 or Republican ? It is Tou, my Lady, 
 that have eflabli/Fd an annual Repen* 
 tance in England for one King's Mur- 
 der, while in Scotland you have deposed 
 and butcher d Numbers, never to be 
 lamented ; yet who will charge you as 
 Antimonarchical ? *Twas you, my 
 Lady, that deposed K/W Charles the 
 
The Dedication. xv 
 
 \fi 9 and then beheaded him \ that after* 
 wards jet up the Ufurper Oliver, 
 that addreftd his Son Richard 5 and 
 then dij carded him \ that brought in 
 X. Charles the id, and addrefs d him 
 with Lives and Fortunes ; that pafi the 
 fame Compliment upon his Brother, and 
 then fent him packing ; that fet up the 
 Trince of Orange King, that addrefs*d 
 the late Queen with Notions 0^ Divine, 
 indefeazable, Hereditary Right ; and 
 that will fhortly addrefs our New King 
 with a new Set of Lives and Fortunes 
 Tet after all, who fo fleddy^ who fo 
 faithful, who fo loyal, as the Lady Ma- 
 jority ? 
 
 I will not prefume to offer grofs 
 Flattery, thecoarfe Trovender of Fools, 
 well knowing, that tho* fome Members 
 belonging to your Ladyfhip^s Body are 
 none of the wifefi \ yet your Head, like 
 the great Face upon the 'Picture of 
 HobbsV Leviathan, has more Brains 
 
 in 
 
xvi The Dedication. 
 
 in it than all tbofe Tins-heads of Fi* 
 gures that compofe either the Body or 
 Arms. 
 
 Bcjides Numbers, which always are 
 jours , will not permit your Ladyjhip to 
 want either Senfe, Honefty, or Reli- 
 gion. — Behold that Brick, an ordinary 
 thing to look to; yet add that to afuffcient 
 Number, and you may divert your Eyes 
 with the c Pr of peel of a magnificent Build- 
 in^. T)o not Feathers, almofi as light 
 as the fleeting Air> by Addition make 
 *Pounds ? Do not Drops make Rivers ? 
 and Rivers make Seas, by Addition ? 
 Then why fhould not this general Rule 
 hold either as to Senfe, Honefty, or 
 Religion. — Certainly it does. — For 
 inftance : Clap five Hundred Fools to- 
 gether, allowing each to have one Grain 
 of Senfe } is it not then mathematically 
 demonfirable, that there are Five Hun* 
 dred Grains of Senje in that Room or 
 Society ? One Man to whom the fame 
 
 £>uan- 
 
The Dedication, xvii 
 
 Quantity belongs, we juftly call wife ; 
 then why fhould not this Society merit 
 that Epithet^ fence their Stock is equal 
 to his ? When we confeder it, Five 
 Hundred Grains of Senfe is a great 
 Quantum, when indufirioufly collected 
 by an able Hand from each mpromu 
 fing Member \ whofe Head is like the 
 gawdy Flower, the Smell nor Tafle of 
 which feems not to contain the leajl 
 %)rop of Honey, yet notwithftand* 
 ing adds to the Collector's treafur'd 
 Store. 
 
 A Flint looks like a common Stone, 
 and promifes little Fire, and to a gentle 
 Touch feems to partake more of Ice 
 than Burning or Heat. Religion is like 
 this Flint ; and were Steel, were the 
 Sword of Terfecution roughly applied, 
 we fhould fee latent T * articles of Religion 
 fparkle out from People, who feemd 
 before to have no more Religiom Fire 
 than a Stone* And here I dare be con* 
 B fident^ 
 
xviii The Dedication. 
 
 fident, fome fnarling, carping, fault* 
 findingCritick, not liking thisDifcourfe, 
 will fay, I argue not clojcly, and will 
 
 presently top this Inftancc upon me 
 
 As five hundred Blind Men, five hun- 
 dred Deaf Men, five hundred 'Dumb 
 Men, five hundred Dead Men, Jee y 
 hear.. Jpeak and underftand no more 
 than one Blind, Deaf^ Dumb, or Dead 
 
 Man \ fo But this being a blind, 
 
 deaf dumb, and defund Argument, I 
 refer the Difpute to my Eighteen Vo- 
 lumes in Folio coming out as a Comment 
 upon Duns Scotus . In the lajl of thofc 
 Tomes, Se£t. 9549, beginning at Page 
 654a, you will fee that Sentence of 
 Varro'j* difcufs^d, viz. An quid- 
 quam ftultius quam quos (inguk>s 
 contemnas, eos aliquid putare urn* 
 verfos. Where this Argument is an- 
 \werdat full, to the great Satisfaction 
 of the Patient Reader, who will to his 
 Edification find, that blind, deaj, dumb, 
 and dead Men, fee, hear, Jpeak and 
 
 under'* 
 
The Dedication. xix 
 
 underftand much letter than he thought 
 for. 
 
 But to return to your Lady/hip, whofe 
 vertues are indeed innumerable, and 
 whofe Goodnefs to your ^Devotees is in- 
 expreffible. The knavijh Bankrupt may 
 brag of the Fleet, the Queens Bench, 
 and the Mint ; the absconding Lawyer 
 of the Temple and White Fryars ; 
 the cafi-off Courtier of Whitehall and 
 St. James'j-j and the faucy Footman of 
 the Court of Requetts and Parlia* 
 ment Stairs : But who of them all can 
 pretend to the Security, the Impunity, 
 or the Honour of him, who fits under 
 theTrotedion of your Lady/hip* s Wings ? 
 Who dares arrefi where you protect ? 
 who imprifon when you give Bail ? who 
 condemn when you acquit ? Actions 
 cannot be bad when you fanclify them, 
 neither ts it poffible for a Man to be evil, 
 who is on the Side of Majority. A 
 Side which worketh Wonders, which 
 B i often 
 
xx The Dedication. 
 
 often makes Right Wrong, and Wrong 
 Right, to the content of all jufi and 
 
 honefi Men. To be (hort What 
 
 may not a Man fafely do under your 
 'Ladyjhifs Umbrage ? May he not be* 
 tray, fell, pillage, rob, cheat, and turn 
 the World topfiturvy ? And may he not 
 at the fame time bear the Titles of 
 Great, Illuftrious, Faithful, the Re- 
 triever of Honour, Refcuer of Cre- 
 dit, and Father of his Country ? 
 And is it pojfble for that fame Ter/on 
 to be mifiaken, to do amifs ? No, no^ 
 he is your Lady/hips Favourite, and as 
 long ccs he is Jo, black mufl be white^ 
 and white black, rather than his Turn 
 fiould not be [erved. 
 
 Tet not with flanding all this, great 
 are our Obligations to you, and we are 
 ready to acknowledge them, when we 
 confiderthat nothing is done without your 
 Approbation throughout the World: 
 From you all Topes and Emperors 
 
 derive 
 
The Dedication. xxi 
 
 derive their 'Divine Right, you are the 
 
 Infallibility of a general Council ; and 
 
 to come nearer homc y you are the Elector 
 
 of all 'Parliaments and Convocations, 
 
 and it is by your Authority that ihey only 
 
 can aB, Tour JLadyfhifs perfonal ¥ru 
 
 vileges are fuch ai no Mortal befides can 
 
 pretend to. Tou can take large Bribes, 
 
 yet be uncorrupt , you may rebel, yet be 
 
 loyal j you may count five more than 
 
 fifty, and yet be a good Arithmetician ; 
 
 you may imprifon without Caufe, yet be 
 
 jufi • you may hang, draw and quarter 
 
 without Accufation ; commit Murder, 
 
 Sacrilege, or any Crime y and remain in* 
 
 nocent. 
 
 Madam, cwfidering thefe Things y 
 we mufi coyiclude Sir Thomas More to 
 have been much in the Wrong, when he 
 rejufed the Oath of Succeffion tender d by 
 the Abbot of Weftminfter, who told 
 him, that he ought to think himfelf 
 rnifled, fince the Majority of the 
 B 2 Par- 
 
xxii The Dedication. 
 
 Parliament were of another Mind.- -< 
 And here we have the full Opinion of a 
 
 learned Abbot That a Majority of 
 
 an Englifh Parliament is as infallible as 
 
 the Tope And really I am fo far a 
 
 Catholick as to be of the wife Abbot's Opi* 
 nion in thu Toint. And every honefi Clcr~ 
 gyman in England has the fame Thoughts 
 of a Majority of the Lower Houje of 
 Conv ocation, wber e fo many learned \ in* 
 genious, and I may add cool Heads, meet 
 for the Benefit of our Ecclefiajlical Con* 
 fiitution. Certainly 'tis a Tar ados to 
 imagine that Error ^ that Prejudice, that 
 falje Judgment can have any Influence 
 on the Majority of fuch a Set of Men, 
 who have fo many Articles and Canons 
 to dirett them, which they have always 
 firiclly follow' d. — - For the Truth of 
 this, 1 appeal to the prejent Biftop of 
 Rochefter, who is a Man of great Ho* 
 nour, Confcience, Mode fly, and Good- 
 nature, which four Qualities, I pre- 
 fume, have placed him a chief Favou- 
 rite with your Lad\fhip. Here 
 
The Dedication. xxiii 
 
 Here I could bring cndlefs Examples 
 of Terfon^whofe Honour ,Ric he s,Senfe, 
 Tarts, Hone fly, nay and Religion toe y 
 have been all owing to you \ and this 
 
 plainly, even beyond Contradiction. 
 
 For as the poll fi> f d Mir r our, when SolV 
 bright Rays illuminate our Hemifpbere, 
 frejents us with various Lands kips and 
 Figures borrowed by Reflection from the 
 adjacent Tr of peel ; //; tbeje ^People, 
 while your Lady/hip 1 s Sun- beams of Fa- 
 vour fkine on them, dij cover to us a 
 
 Variety of Graces and 'Perfections - 
 
 But when thofe Beams are withdrawn, 
 not unlike a Looking*glafs in the 'Dark, 
 wholly bereft of all their borrowed 
 Gaieties, they appear only deck'd with 
 
 Blacknejs and Horrour I know 
 
 there are fome, who like Diamonds of 
 the clear eft Water fir ike a Lujlre in the 
 midfi of fable Night. I /hall only in* 
 fiance jome of the fir ft fort by juch. 
 Dafhes as thefe : E. \r O. V. \~B. 
 E. St j/ d ; and fome of the latter by 
 B ^ fuch 
 
xxiv The Dedication. 
 
 Juch Scrawls as ZX M— h, E. S" d, 
 
 E. W — n, E. G n, I, S s, 
 
 L.H x, I.C— r, R.W le, 
 
 &c. who when in your Favour are as 
 great an Honour toyou^ as your Lady (hip 
 is a Support to them. 
 
 But to return to the Gentleman^ 
 whom I recommend to your Protection ^ 
 Mr. Powel the Tuppet-fiow-man. 
 2) ] id your Lady/hip not know him^ I 
 would defcribe bis ^Per/on and Tarts ; 
 but he has already been diftinguifid by 
 the Lady Majority. For what Man, 
 Woman cr Child, that lives within the 
 Verge of Covent-Garden, or what 
 Beau or Belle Vifitant at the Bath, 
 knows not Mr. Powel ? Have not 
 England, Scotland, France and Ire- 
 land ; have not even the Orcades, the 
 utmojl Limits of CesarV Conqueft, 
 been filled with the Fame of Mr. Pow- 
 elV mechanical Atchievcments ? The 
 Dutch, the mofi expert Nation in the 
 
 World 
 
The Dedication, xxv 
 
 World for Tupfet-flows, mufi now con* 
 fefs themfehes to be fhamefully out- 
 done. It would be trifling after this 
 to recount to you, how Mr. Powel 
 has melted a whole Audience into Pity 
 andTears, when he has made the poor 
 ftarved Children in the Wood mife- 
 rably depart in Peace, and a Robin 
 bury them.- — It woud be tedious to 
 enumerate how often he has made 
 Punch the Diver fion of all the Specta- 
 tors, by putting into his Mouth many 
 Bulls and flat Contradictions, to the 
 Dear Joy of all true Teagues. Or to 
 what end fhould I attempt to defcribe 
 how heroically he makes King BladUd 
 perform the Part of a Britifh Prince ? 
 But I /ball no longer harangue to prove 
 that the Sun jhines, but conclude my f elf 
 
 Tour Ladyjhtfs Humble Admirer, 
 and J^ajfal, 
 
 The Author. 
 
9»^@^t»^^^^^^@@@ 
 
 THE 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 EFORE we begin our Hi- 
 ftory, -we fhall, according 
 to Form, fix an Introduction 
 to it, thinking that much 
 properer than a Treface ; 
 for when you would be ac- 
 quainted with any one, you do not fay 
 
 preface me to fuch an one- No-— but 
 
 introduce me Now this being the 
 
 Hiftory of a Perfon now living, and that 
 
 no fmall one too- no lefs than a Lord, 
 
 which, prima velfecunda facie, you may 
 perceive by his Back ; an Introduction 
 will be highly requifite to a Perfon of fuch 
 Quality, whofe Life and Actions I have 
 undertaken to defcribe ; and who, in 
 fhort, is the Great, the Illuftrious, and 
 the Celebrated Mr. Powel, the Puppet- 
 Show Man, who has worthily acquired 
 the Reputation of one of the moft dex- 
 trous Managers of human Mechanifm, no 
 
 Eng- 
 
The Introduction, xxvii 
 
 Englijh Artift ever coming in vie with 
 
 him His Wires are perfe&ly invifi- 
 
 ble, his Puppets are well jointed, and ve- 
 ry apt to follow the Motions of his direct- 
 ing Hand • and as for Tunch, who ufed 
 heretofore to be nothing but a roaring, 
 lewd, rakifh, empty Fellow, a perfect 
 Mohock, he now fpeaks choice Apothegms 
 and lterling Wit, to the Amazement of the 
 applauding Audience both in Pit and Box- 
 es. But to lay afide all Panegy rick on Mr, 
 Powel's matchlefs Puppet-Show, which 
 does enough recommend it felf to all faga- 
 cious Readers, efpecially thofe of a Dra- 
 
 matick Genius I fhall learnedly come 
 
 to the Point in hand, that is, to fet down 
 fome Account of the following Hiftory, 
 together with the important Reafons that 
 induced me to attempt fuch a laborious 
 Work. 
 
 When an ingenious Perfon, who thinks 
 to acquire a large Eftate, by furprizing 
 the World with ftrange Sights, has got- 
 ten a full Synod, Ajjembly y or Convocation 
 of Bears, Lyons, Tygers, Hyaena's, Apes, 
 Monkeys, Baboons, Civet-Cats, Dogs 
 with three Legs, and fome with two, 
 Dwarfs, Pigmies, Giants, or their Thigh- 
 bones, and feveral other Tranfmarine and 
 Tramontane Gentry ; he paints them all 
 in a large Canvas, which being hung o^ 
 ver his Door, ferves for a Preface or In» 
 
 tro- 
 
xxviii The Introduction. 
 
 trodu&ion to the Show. Now though it 
 looks a little odd to give you firft a Sight 
 of the Rarities, and then ask you to fee 
 them ; yet fuch is the Novitatis Ardor , 
 the Curiofity of the World, that though 
 they have viewed the Pi&ure already, yet 
 they muft pay to fee it move ; and I doubt 
 not, but the fame Itch of the Eyes might 
 tempt People to fling away their Money, 
 
 to fee a moving Pi&ure ftand ftilh 
 
 Well, Gentlemen, you fhan't be baulk'd — 
 I'll hang out my Canvafs too, and like my 
 Brother Monfter- mongers, well daub'd 
 
 into the Bargain Stare then and 
 
 behold the Novel Figure- You fee 
 
 what is written over his Head, This is 
 
 Mr, Powel' That's he the little 
 
 crooked Gentleman, that holds a Staff in his 
 Hand, without which he muft fall" 
 The Sight is well worth your Money, for 
 you may not fee fuch another thefe {even 
 Years, nay, perhaps not this Age: And 
 
 fo without Lett or Hindrance that is 
 
 farther reading, you may ftep into the 
 Show, and turn to the Book it felf - 9 for I 
 don't question, but like other Folks, that 
 love fine Sights, you are in great Hafte 
 to fee all, though perhaps when you come 
 to the End, you may wifh the Show were 
 a little longer. 
 
 It has been the Cuftom of antient times 
 to record the great Actions of Men, with- 
 out 
 
The Introduction, xxix 
 
 out confidering their Quality ; on which 
 Account the particular Tranfadtions of 
 Diogenes in his Tub, who was the firft 
 Presbyterian I ever read of, have been 
 tranfmitted to us with the fame Care as 
 thofe of the two great Lawyers, Lycur- 
 gus and Solon- and Spartacus that 
 valiant Slave, who fo glorioufly attempt- 
 ed his Liberty, now lives as well as Are- 
 jus, Crassus, or Pompey, who fubdued 
 him, Ero stratus the Doctor of that 
 Age, furvives as a famous Incendiary, and 
 has rais'd himfelf a durable and lading 
 Name, out of the Afhes of Diana's Tem- 
 ple. Casar built his Glory on the Ruins 
 of his Country ; and we muft agree that 
 Alexander was, as the Pirate called 
 him,butagreat Robber. In Imitation there- 
 fore of thefe antient Hiftorians, our Mo- 
 derns have been employ'd in recording the 
 famous Actions of private Men, whofe 
 Hiftories bear the Title of, The Sfanifi 
 Rogue , the EngliJJ; Rogue, the Scotch Rogue y 
 the French Rogue, 8cc. The Authors I fup- 
 pofe, imitating Quintus Curtius, Ze- 
 nophon, Thucydides, Plutarch, and 
 the reft of thofe Antients, whofe Writings 
 have eternized their Heroes, and by that 
 Means themfelves too Thus Hiftori- 
 ans immortalize great Men, and great 
 Men again immortalize Hiftorians. There- 
 fore the Writer is as much obliged to the 
 
 Hero, 
 
Xxx The Introduction. 
 
 Hero, as the Hero is to the Writer, whofe 
 Works have embalm'd both their Memo- 
 ries, and prefer ved them like Mgypian 
 Mummies, from crumbling into Duft and 
 Afhes. And on this Account Homer 
 (lands on a Level with Agamemnon, U- 
 lysses, and all the reft of his well-booted 
 Champions. 
 
 4 Father Kircher, in his mod ingeni- 
 ous Treatife, call'd Mundus Subterraneus, 
 Tom. i. tells us this Story : Once upon a 
 time, a certain Man gathering Sam- 
 phire on fome high Rocks, his Foot flip- 
 ping down he fell but as his good 
 
 Stars would have it, a Crag of the Rock 
 jutting out underneath, caught him, 
 without any other Damage, than being 
 ftunn'd with the Fall. The Man foon 
 came to himfelf, and with great Grief, 
 faw that it was impoflible to climb up 
 above, and below waited a dreadful 
 Precipice, terrible to behold. Upon a 
 fecond Review of the Place he fpies the 
 Mouth of a Cave, and into it he goes, 
 where he finds two mighty Dragons 
 
 fleeping The Man > whether his 
 
 Spirits were funk with Defpair, or 
 numb'd by the Dampnefs of the Place, 
 with Drowfinefs o'er-taken, lays himfelf 
 down to deep near one of the Dragons ; 
 Cold foon drove themclofe together, like 
 Man and Wife, and upon better Aq- 
 
 * quaintance 
 
The Introduction, xxxi 
 
 qua intance with the Monfter, he found 
 that he had Down under his Wings, and 
 thither he crept : But alas ! Meat was 
 wanting for hungry craving Stomachs ; 
 when by and by the Dragons, though 
 faft afleep, arofe, and lick'd the Cave, 
 which flood in Oily Drops, and fo to 
 Bed again ; this did the Man, and fa- 
 tisfy'd his Hunger. And thus they li- 
 ved together till Spring came on, at 
 which time one of the Dragons awa- 
 king, walk'd to the Mouth of the Cave, 
 where having fate fome time, and plu- 
 med himfelf, clapping his Wings, away 
 
 he flew The other Dragon began 
 
 to yawn— ■ — and the Man to bethink 
 himfelf, that fhould he be left alone, be- 
 reft of his Companions, whofe Heat had 
 hitherto preferved his Life' foon he 
 fhould ftarve, and lie there bury'd in e- 
 
 ternal Oblivion therefore he refolved 
 
 not to let his Efcape go unattempted, but 
 
 rather perifh in it This was fcarce 
 
 determin'd, when the other Dragon fla- 
 ttens to the Cave's Mouth, and juft as 
 with Wings extended,he mounts the Air, 
 the Man takes hold of his Tail, and a- 
 way they flew together, till skimming 
 over the next Mountain, the Man lets go, 
 and fo walks home — — Thus the Dra- 
 gon preferv'd the Life of him, who has 
 fince immortalized the Dragon, and re- 
 
 • gifter'd 
 
xxxif The Introduction. 
 
 * gifter'd his Humanity in Father Kir- 
 
 * cher's wondrous Works. 
 
 Thus I confider that I am but mor- 
 
 tal, and that when I die, Iftiall certainly 
 be bury'd, and if I do not take good Care, 
 in Obfcurity too : Therefore I am refolv'd 
 to catch hold of fome overgrown Dragon's 
 Tail, in order to take a Flight out of the 
 Dungeon of the S/*-o*mJ, and if the faid 
 Serpent don't call: his Skin in the Voyage, 
 as a certain Teacher told his Congregation 
 he would do, if they took hold of his 
 Cloak, it is well enough. Now I have 
 pick'd out Mr. Powel for this fame fly- 
 ing Purpofe, the Wings of whofe Exploits 
 I hope will bear me up — And here I know 
 a great many People will ask me, how I 
 came to chufe him- for fince fo many 
 
 Patriots adorn this Age, it's very odd I 
 fhould take a Puppet-man for my Subject 
 
 Did a Military Scene delight my 
 
 Pen ? Are there not the Duke of Or d y 
 
 and the Earl of Tet gh ? Did a learn- 
 ed Treatife of Politicks, Civil Govern- 
 ments, or State Affairs affect me ? Are 
 
 there not the E. of Ox d, the E. of 
 
 T 1 9 the E. of St d, and the 
 
 Bifhop of Lo ?;? Did Ecclefiaftical 
 
 Hiftory fuit my Genius ? Are there not 
 
 the Lives of the Bifhop of T> m, the 
 
 Bifhop of Ro r , the Bifhop of 
 
 Ch—ch—r, and the famous Do&or Sa- 
 
 che- 
 
The Introduction, xxxiii 
 
 cheverell, that would fparkle in Story 
 
 * But forfooth— thefe I muft difin- 
 
 genuoufly pafs over, to fcrawl the Life of 
 
 Mr. Powel, the Tuffet-Show Man 
 
 This is very true But alas 1 what can 
 
 you expect from fuch a feeble Quill as 
 mine ? Should I attempt the Praifes due 
 to the great Perfons above-mentioned, I 
 fhould but difgrace the SubieQ; ; and 
 while the World expe&ed a Panegyrick 
 upon them, it would prove but a down- 
 right Lampoon — Upon which Score 
 
 my Modefty forbad me aiming at things 
 
 fo far out of my Reach Be content 
 
 with this, fhe cry'd ■ The noble Acts of 
 
 Tom Thumb, Jack Straw, Wat Ty- 
 ler, Robin Hood, are enough for you ■ 
 
 If you muft write, take one of thofe, or 
 Robert Powel, the Puppet-fhow Man. 
 I immediately concluded on my Friend 
 Powel, both becaufe I was acquainted 
 with him, and becaufe I was fure, being a- 
 live, that he would help me in the Narra- 
 tion, for which I here heartily thank him. 
 But the main and principal Reafon that 
 induced me to write this Hiftory, was 
 this. 
 
 A few Years ago, there was a Prize 
 fought for by two Champions, the one 
 of Exeter, named Dennis Wooden- 
 Shoe; and the other of Taunton, named 
 George Hobnail. And among many 
 C other 
 
xxxiv The Introduction. 
 
 other Rural Squires, I rode thither my 
 ielf to be a Looker on, and being an Eye- 
 witnefs to the whole Tranfaction, I beg 
 Leave to be Tome what particular in my Re- 
 lation of it Dennis Wooden-Shoe 
 
 was a very nimble Fellow, one that un- 
 derstood his Weapons very well, but his 
 chief Art lay in Feints and quick Thrufts. 
 His Antagoniit. George Hobnail, was 
 a plain thick fet Man, exceeding ftrong, 
 and withal laid his Blows on heavily, he 
 knew how to pufb, and how to parry, 
 and a>- he was of an excellent Courage, he 
 fcorn'd all Trick and Shuffle. Thefe two 
 mounted the Stage, fhook Hands, drank 
 to one another, and according to Cuftom, 
 fell to exercifing their Weapons. The 
 Gentleman who gave the Plate fate as Um- 
 pire, and as I thought, with this Motto, 
 written in large Characters over his Head, 
 Detur 'Digniffimo • Well the Com- 
 batants began ; the firft Onfet George 
 had like to have been worried, having 
 
 receiv'd a large Cut over his lefr Arm 
 
 In return, Dennis got a great Scar on his 
 left Eye-brow ; this was feconded with 
 another Gafh under the fame Eye ; the 
 Blood trickling down, made the Mob 
 think his Eye fliced out, on which enfued 
 a great Huzza by the Inhabitants of So- 
 merfetfhire y while the Men ofD^'flflftood 
 pale in the midit of deep Silence. The 
 
 Wounds 
 
The Introduction, xxxv 
 
 Wounds were foon cured, and the Blood 
 ftopt by the attending Surgeon, and each 
 Champion renew'd the Attack. I will 
 not trouble you here with an Account of 
 every Stroak, how aim'd, how defended 
 and return'd ; but in fhort fhall tell you, 
 that George Hobnail being the ftouteft 
 Fellow of the two, beat his Adverfary 
 Dennis Woo den-Shoe clear off the Stage, 
 miferably wounded, and utterly unable 
 any longer to fuftain the Blows of his 
 Ruftick Antagonift. I was not a little 
 pleafed(being my felf a Somerfet-JbireMan) 
 to fee my Country-man come off fo well, 
 who had now the Stage clear to him- 
 felf. The next thing I expected was, that 
 the Plate fhould be deliver'd to him as a 
 Reward for his Victory — — But alas ? 
 the filly Umpire, though a Somerfet-Jhire 
 Man, and even Landlord to GEORGE,con- 
 trary to all Mens Expectation, began this 
 
 Speech. * Gentlemen as I am Um- 
 
 4 pire, 'tis my undoubted Right to give 
 ' the Plate to whom I pleafe ; therefore 
 
 ' let no Man be angry at what I do 
 
 i My Tenant and Country-man George 
 
 * Hobnail, is not able to ftrike one 
 ' Stroak ; for his Benefit therefore I give 
 
 * the Plate to Dennis Wooden-Shoe — 
 
 * No Perfon loves his Country-man better ; 
 
 * no one has his own Tenant's Intereft 
 4 more at Heart than I And he that 
 
 C 2 J fays 
 
xxxvi The Introduction. 
 
 : fays the contrary, is an ill-minded de- 
 < figning Puppy. 
 
 This Speech being finifh'd, the Plate 
 (a Silver Punch Bowlj was given to Den- 
 nis Wooden-Shoe, "who promis'd he 
 •would never part with it ; and fo the Prize 
 was carry 'd off, to the great Joy of the Ex- 
 eter Men, and to the greater Mortification 
 of the Tauntonians. In fhort, I my felf 
 could not help being vex'd at this fo extra- 
 ordinary Judgment Riding home, 
 
 according to the laudable Cuftom of the 
 Country, I began, for want of better 
 Company, to difcourfe on this Topick 
 
 with my Man * Roger, quoth I, 
 
 what think you of Dennis Wooden- 
 Shoes carrying away the Plate from 
 Gt.iF.GF. Hobnail, who had beat him 
 off the Stage. Ah ! Sir, (fays he) I could 
 have told you long ago,how it would have 
 gone. You told me, reply'd I, how could 
 that be ? Why then, Sir, fays he.you muff 
 know that lam very well acquainted with 
 a Footman of Sir Simpleton Wood- 
 ENHE\D,who was the Umpire, he and I 
 fometimc ago, talking of this Prize to be 
 fought, among other things he told me, 
 Dennis would carry the Bowl: for, faid 
 he, right or wrong, he fhall have it, I 
 have I nterefr. enough with my Matter, to 
 make him give the Plate to whom 1 pleafe. 
 And I tell vou once more, he fhall have it. 
 
 < I 
 
The Introduction, xxxvii 
 
 ' I thought that he only banter'd, but I find 
 ' he did not ; for I faw the fame Rogue 
 c Shinkin prompting tohisMafter, that 
 c very Speech to Day that he fpoke, which 
 i fo much furprized you. 
 
 This indeed amazed me, and from pra- 
 ting with my Man, I fell into Contem- 
 plation all the reft of the way. One while 
 thinking of the different Modes of ad- 
 miniftring Juftice, by and by on the 
 ftrange Government of Families ; the firft 
 brought to my Mind, feveral partial A£ts 
 of Judges, on Account of their Favourites, 
 being fte'd,or not fec'd in a Caufe ; the fe- 
 cond the unaccountable Actions of thofe 
 who are ruled by their Servants, ?or vile 
 Sycophants, who never fail to lead their 
 Cully-Mafters into the moft ridiculous 
 Meamres. Thefe Cogitations, together 
 withfome Reflections on the ftrange Insta- 
 bility of human Kind, fo apt to be drawn 
 to make wrong Conclufions from ever fo 
 right Premifes, and fo prone to finifh the 
 Piece quite different from what the firft 
 Draught feem'd to promife. Thefe 
 Thoughts, I fay, made me refolve to write 
 Mr. Powel's Life, which, I think, may 
 ferve as a Pattern of that kind. 
 
 Mr. Hobs fays, That Hiftory is the Rey- 
 fter of Knowledge, of Matter of Fati>« 
 Now every one, who is intimately ac- 
 quainted with Mr. Powel, will know 
 
 C $ that 
 
xxxviii The Introduction. 
 
 that the following Hiftory is no feign'd 
 thing, but a Collection of Matters of Faff 
 taken out of Mr. Powel'j Journals and 
 Minutes ; and therefore I wou'd not have 
 any one think it a Fable, or that any My- 
 ftery or Reflection is couch'd under the Sto- 
 ry. And be it known to that wife and 
 inquifitive Man, who fhall fifh out for any 
 other Meaning, than that which appears 
 in the literal Senfe of the Words, that I 
 declare the fame of this Book as Dr. Al- 
 d rich did of his Almanack, That there is 
 no Meaning at all in it — And I humbly 
 hope I may be allow'd to write a Piece 
 with as little Meaning and Senfe as that 
 learned Dotlor drew one. 
 
 It is odd, I know, to write the Hiftory 
 of a Perfon while living, and that made 
 me almoft in the mind to give my Book 
 the Name of Mr. Powel's Memoirs, but 
 knowing my Work to be a true Hiftory y 
 «*«0»s WoeU fas Luc i an calls it) and that 
 the Word Memoirs imply'd nothing but 
 Romance and Fable, I loon dropt that 
 Thought, and concluded on the Word Hi- 
 ftory, as you will fee in my Title Page. 
 Indeed I was much confirm'd in the Pn> 
 priety of this Expreflion by the daily Hi^ 
 ftorical Volumes that us'd to come out, of 
 Men, nay great Men now alive. As, 
 
 The Conduct of the LordP gh in Spain, 
 
 The Conduct of the Earl of Gal way, The 
 
 Conduct 
 
The Introduction, xxxi^r 
 
 Condutl of the Duke of M in Flan- 
 ders, and The Conduti of the Allies. This 
 made me think of The Condutl: of Mr Po<v- 
 el for my Title ; but I foon quitted that 
 Defign, finding that there was little Qtmi 
 dutl in his whole Life, and fearing left 
 then my Book might be look'd upon as a 
 Ridicule upon the aforefaid Conduces ; fo I 
 ftuck to the Title of Hiftorj, which if the 
 Reader likes not, let him even alter it, 'tis 
 the fame thing to me, and to the Book 
 alfb. 
 
 The Wife and Learned meet with a vaft 
 deal of Divinity, of Politicks, Ethicks, A- 
 ftronomy, Aftrology, Mathematicks, Na* 
 tural Philofophy, and what not, in the 
 Great Homer ; and I doubt not but the 
 ingenious Reader may do fo here, and 
 find out a great many fine things, which 
 neither Mr. Powel nor my felf ever dreamt 
 of. This very Accident happen'd to me 
 the other Day, upon fhewing the follow- 
 ing Hiftory to the Parfon of our Parifii, 
 who is a grave and Book-learned Man, 
 and an accurate Latin Poet. After he 
 read it over, he ftroak'd his Beard, and 
 told me he liked it all well enough, except 
 that Part relating to the Maypole ; adding, 
 that he was afraid that might give a Scan- 
 dal to Religion. I afTur'd him that it no- 
 thing concern'd Chriftianity, but was the 
 true Pagan Worfhip of the Ifland of Tacu- 
 C 4 peltheia 
 
xl The Introduction. 
 
 feitheia, the fame Ifland which Psalm a- 
 naasar falfly calls Formofa, which is a La* 
 tin Name lately given it by the Spaniards, 
 becaufe it makes a beautiful Profpeft at 
 Sea. But the true antient Name is /Bjzfa/fc 
 £ctn ^.U^ ; that is Talicukieu or Tacufei- 
 theia, which I fhew'd him in my Malayan 
 Di&ionary. — And that great Devil-faced 
 Pa god, which the fame Author keeps a 
 Clutter about in his Book, is nothing but 
 a huge Maypole. This, and a long Letter 
 which I had fent me by the Duke and Dut- 
 ehejs ofBriflol, from a Friend in the Eaft 
 Indies, convinced our Reverend Doftor 
 of the Truth of it. Upon which he was 
 fo pleased, that he promifed me he wou'd 
 give his Approbation to fet before my Book 
 (which you fee he has done) and not content- 
 ed with that, he wou'd have invoked his 
 Mufe to have aflifted him incompofing for 
 me a Copy of Verfes, to have been put at 
 the very Head of my Book, directed Inge- 
 mofijfimo oAutbori ; but that he was wholly 
 taken up in writing a Tanegyrick upon the 
 New Kj?ig. And for that reafon I was 
 forced to fit down fatisfied with his Impri- 
 matur in Profe. 
 
 And here I cannot but inform my intel- 
 ligent Reader, that tho' all the firewdeft 
 Tieces of the firit Tale of a Tub were con- 
 ceived in a c Bed in a Garret, nay continued 
 and ended under a long Courje of Thyjick, 
 
 which 
 
The Introduction. xli 
 
 which the Surgeon can teftify, and written 
 out by a Quill worn to the Tith in the Ser* 
 vice of the State in Pro'i" and ConV, u^on 
 Topijh 'Plots and Meal Tubs, Exclufion T&Us, 
 and Taffive Obedience, and tAddrejfes of 
 Lives and Fortunes, and Prerogative, and 
 Troferty, and Liberty of Conscience, and 
 Letters to a friend, WITH <AN UN- 
 DERSTANDING AND A CON- 
 SCIENCE RAGGED <AND THREAD- 
 BARE WITH PERPETUAL TURN- 
 ING; yet this fecond Tale of a Tub was 
 not born in fo exalted a Sphere, but con- 
 ceiv'd in a Cellar, continued and ended in 
 a Courfe of Mirth, to which the Drawer 
 can terrify, and written out with a new 
 frefli Quill upon the Bottom of a Tub 
 turned upfide down ; and as it is a com- 
 mon thing to give a Baftard the Name of 
 his Mother, efpecially when the Father is 
 not willing to be known ; fo for that very 
 reafon I chriften this the Tale of a Tub, as 
 genuinly proceeding from the Fundament 
 or Bottom of a leaky Veflel of the fame 
 Name. 
 
 Indeed when firft I turn'd the Tub up, 
 I concluded forthwith, that I fhould beget 
 fome fuch thing, upon it ; nor was I 
 miftaken ; for in lefs than a Fortnight's 
 time, my Hero was brought forth, like 
 another Minerva, out of my Brain. 
 
 And 
 
xlii The Introduction. 
 
 And now, my good patient Reader, I 
 have aftcd the Part of a Gentleman-Ufher, 
 and therefore (hall civilly withdraw, and 
 leave you and Mr. Pot/el together, in 
 order to be better acquainted. 
 
 N. *B. Gentle Reader, if this Book 
 fuits not thy Genius, I fhall in a 
 little time publifh Eighteen Vo- 
 lumes in folio upon Duns Scotus 
 and Thomas Aquinas, in which 
 Controverfy I much incline to 
 Scotus's Side. I fhall alfo publifh 
 by way of Poftfcript a long Dif- 
 fertation on the Nature of Annota- 
 tions and Comments, with an 
 Account of thofe who have ob- 
 fcur'd the Text by explaining it, 
 in a Letter to the polite Dr. 
 Bentley. 
 
 THE 
 
THE 
 
 HISTORY 
 
 F 
 
 ROBERT VOWEL. 
 
 &w 
 
 2*:S2S*2 
 
 CHAPTER the Firft. 
 
 T "will be endiefs to run 
 through all the long Pedi- 
 gree of the celebrated Ro- 
 bert Powel — Then let it 
 iuffice, that one of his An- 
 ceftors was Privy Counfellor 
 to the famed Tiberius C&sar, and after- 
 wards fent over into 'Britain, as Gover- 
 nour in one of the Provinces ; but Tibe- 
 rius dying, Caligula f©on remov'd all 
 
 his 
 
44 The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 
 
 his Uncle's Favourites, and amongft the 
 reft, the great Anceftor of this our Powel, 
 he fearing to be brought to an Account, 
 as he faw his Brother Favourites were, 
 by the cruel Emperor Caligula, for his 
 own Security fairly fled into the Mountains 
 among the antient 'Britain, with whom 
 this Family has ever fince continued in 
 great Repute ; tho' indeed entirely known 
 by another Name, that of Powel being 
 lately taken up by the Gentleman whofe 
 Hiftory I now write. For as a fatal Acci- 
 dent metamorphofed his Body, and from 
 a ftrait proper Man reduced him almoft to 
 the Shapes of a Monkey ; fo being fenfible 
 ofhisDifgrace, and willing from that time 
 forwards to continue incognito, he purpofed 
 the changing of his Name, and inftead of 
 Volfone, the antient Name of his Family, 
 affumed that of Powel ; which tho' it be 
 a fictitious one, yet becaufe he is beft 
 known by it, and becaufe it's a Name he 
 himfelf moft fancies, we fhall for the fu- 
 ture throughout theThred of this Difcourfe 
 call him Mr. Powel- 
 
 I will not here tell you how many <Afs 
 we find in his Pedigree, which wou'd be 
 too tedious for this fhort Tract,- which 
 contains little more than the memorable 
 Actions of this one Man, the Offspring of 
 fuch an antient and honourable Stock : 
 Therefore I refer the Reader to the Pedi- 
 gree 
 
The Uijlory of Robert Powel. 4 5 
 
 gree it felf, which is kept among ma- 
 ny other facred Reliques and Curiofities,- 
 in the Elaboratory, or Mufaum 9 at Nabir- 
 ampton, the Seat of the Family of the 
 Volpones. This Mufaum is very well worth 
 feeing, efpecially by Perfons of an inqui- 
 fitive Genius, who think the Sight of a No- 
 vel Obie&afullRecompence for a hundred 
 Miles Fatigue. Not to mention thofe 
 it range Deviations and Excrefcencies of 
 Nature, which may be feen at Oxford^Gre- 
 Jham 9 Leyden, Rome, or Florence, I fhali 
 be guilty of Injuftice to the Family of my 
 Hero, fhould I wholly pafs over in Si- 
 lence all thofe extraordinary Rarities, 
 which areconferv'd at NabiramPton\ there- 
 fore as a fhort Specimen, I will fet down 
 two or three Curiofities which I faw there 
 my felf; befides a Ship-load of things, which 
 perhaps you may fee in other Places. I 
 Jaw one Quart full of Honefty, hermetically 
 ieaPd, never to be open'd. One Vial of 
 the QuintefTence of Loyalty, with the 
 Stopper out. Nine Medals of Oliver 
 Cromwell, which turned upfide down 
 would ferve for King Charles. A fmall 
 Magick Wand, which transforms Metals, 
 Perfons and Things into whatfoever the 
 Bearer pleafes, which lofes all its Virtues, 
 when removed out of this Family. There 
 were three Manufcripts, which becaufe 
 written by the Family, I cant't omit ; 
 
 The 
 
4.6 The Hiflory 0/* Robert Powel. 
 
 The Title of the firft is, Machiavel in 
 a Nutfiel ; The fecond is called, 'De-Wit 
 in England ; and the third, A Treatife 
 f roving that the Countenance ought not to 
 be an Index of the Mind, or the Art of 
 -putting a merry Face on a jad Heart. 
 Thefe, with a vaft Number more, whofe 
 Catalogue is too long to be here inferted, 
 are kept with great Care and Induftry in 
 the faid Mufieum, and if any one likes 
 thefe, he may even go to Wales, and 
 fee the reft himfelf. 
 
 But to proceed, The Father of this Hero, 
 was Sir Oliver Volpone, a Man much 
 addi&ed to Vifions and Prophecies ; who 
 one Day dreaming he heard a Noife in his 
 Man's Chamber, and putting a well rub'd 
 Pair of Spectacles on, went up Stairs, and 
 there unexpe&ly catches his Man John, 
 and his Maid Susan, in the antientPofture 
 of Mars and Venus; it cannot be ima- 
 gin'd what a Confufion the old Gentleman 
 
 was in amaz'd he {rands, with one 
 
 Hand on his Beard, and the other ftuck in 
 
 his Belt But after fome Paufe, and a 
 
 few inward Ejaculations, he recovers — — 
 Oh Heavens ! what Abomination is com- 
 mitted in our innocent Manfion ? Are Beds 
 
 1 fay, are harmlefs Beds made to fin 
 
 on? Arife John, arife Susan, begon ye 
 Defilers of my righteous Houfe, begon, 
 that the bare Walls may not bear Witnefs 
 
 againft 
 
The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 47 
 
 againft you. O Modefty! O Chaftity! 
 O Virginity ! whether are you fled ? On 
 "which, fetching a deep Sigh, he drives the 
 amorous Couple down before him, and 
 having turn'd them both out of Doors, he 
 calls a Confult, in which the Old Gentle- 
 man's dear Wife, Dame Druida, was 
 chief Advifer. There having pathetical- 
 ly open'd the Cafe, and laid down the 
 Heinoufnefs of the Crime, and made a 
 fhort Prayer, for diverting future Judg- 
 ments (without confidering what other 
 Beds in the fame Houfe deferved, for 
 Crimes committed by thofe of nearer kin) 
 It was unanimoufly agreed for the Expi- 
 ation of the Guilt that the Bed as a 
 
 Pa.ffi.ve eAffor, and a Sword that huag by 
 the Bed-fide, as an Abetting Spectator, 
 fhould both be committed to the Flames, 
 which accordingly was done in the Mar- 
 ket- Place of Nabiramfton About this 
 
 remarkable time, Dame Druida found 
 her felf with Child,and was haftily brought 
 to Bed of a Son, who, as he was brought 
 into the World before his time, fo probably 
 may go out of it in like manner. The 
 Child was obferv'd from the Hour of his 
 Birth, to have a red Nofe, which fpoil'd 
 the Goflips Jeft, of having 'Dad's own 
 Nqfe, which on the contray, was exceed- 
 ing Pale, whether occafion'd through Ab- 
 fiinence and Fafting, or that it was natu- 
 rally 
 
4.8 The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 
 
 rally fo, Records make no mention. But 
 fo ir was, that the old Knight feeing his 
 Son's Nofe fo different from his own, it 
 put him into ftrange Perplexities, to un- 
 derftand the true meaning of fo important 
 an Accident. It was not long before Sir 
 Oliver had a Vifion upon the fame Ac- 
 count, which we find tranferibed at length 
 in a Journal Book , written in his 
 Hand, that lay amongft feveral other Pa- 
 pers, which he kept by him in his own 
 Study for his own Ufe, and becaufe the 
 Reader may be curious, we will let it down 
 verbatim, as we find it. 
 
 Memorandum Die Mercurii, Anglice 
 
 Wednesday my Wife was brought to 
 Bed of a Son. 
 
 Die Jovis — Thurfday I looked 
 
 over the Revelations, but could find 
 nothing about Nofes, when lo I my 
 Son hath an exceeding red one. 
 
 Die Veneris* — - Friday. I fafted and 
 groan'd in the Spirit. 
 
 Die Saturni Saturday. I examin'd 
 
 forty one Sheets of Merlin* 
 
 Die Solis . Sunday. I went to the 
 
 Meeting, and met with many of the 
 Faithful. Ditto 
 
The HiSlory of Robert Powel. 49 
 
 <Ditto — At Night I had a Vifion. 
 
 ' About Twelve a Clock at Night I 
 dreamed a Dream, and behold I law a 
 Vifiori. A vaft Sea reaching every way* 
 beyond the Bounds of Sight, bleft with 
 a Calm, as when Halcyons build their 
 Nells; when lo ! in.the.Watry Plain, a 
 Mountain arifes, in Shape of a Nofe, and 
 forms a pretty Ifland ; Creation feem'd 
 to be perfected at once, for nofooner 
 was the Ifland figur'd, when Houfes, 
 nay Towns and Cities appear'd indecent 
 Order upon it. Methought, by help of 
 fhipping, I arrived there — — But alas 1 
 how great was my Confternation, when 
 among fo many ftately Edifices, noble 
 Palaces, and great Cities, I found no- 
 thing but Nofes inhabiting ; how to corn 
 verfe with them, I was in a Doubt, and 
 how to underftand their Language I 
 
 was prodigioufly at a Lofs- — In the 
 
 midft of this my Trouble, methought 
 an honeft poor Nofe with a Pair of Spec- 
 tacles on it, came up to me, and with a 
 low Congee, began thus ; Hail, noble 
 Sir,' welcome to this Ifland of Nofes ; 
 On which, being furpriz'd to hear my 
 own Country-Language, I reply'd-~ — \ 
 Mr. No\e y I know you not, however, - 1 
 am your humble Servant. I feci Sir, 
 D < favs* 
 
50 The Hijlory of Robert Powel. 
 
 1 fays he, you are a Stranger, and to Stran- 
 gers it is an Act of Generality to fhew 
 Kind nefs, and I would not willingly be in 
 the Number of the Ungenerous ; though 
 I mud tell you, that Meannefs and fogra- 
 titude, are the moil: fafhionable Vices of 
 this Country See, Sir, thefe Rags- 
 How do you think I purchased them ? 
 View thefe Scars, all cover'd with Dirt ; 
 
 * what think you ? On which I reply'd, 
 Sir, I fuppofe you have met with fome 
 
 Rakes or idle Company lately No — 
 
 no— cry'd he, you are miftaken, Sir— 
 Thefe very Rags are the Rewards my 
 Country has allotted me, for managing 
 their publick Treafure to the bell Ad- 
 
 * vantage ; and this ftinking Dirt, which 
 '* you fee on me, they have flung only to 
 
 * hide thefe great and honourable Wounds 
 ' that I have receiv'd, in fighting and 
 
 * beating their Enemies. Blefs me ! cry'd 
 
 * I, 'tis impoflible ; what thus rewarded 
 6 for beating their Enemies ! how could 
 ' they have rewarded you, had you been 
 4 beaten your felf ? I never heard of any 
 
 * Example like this, unlefs it be that of 
 1 the great Belisarius, who was fent a 
 
 * begging by the Emperor, who owed his 
 4 Crown, Life, and Empire to him. Puh, 
 
 * quoth the Nofe,if that Belisarius were 
 
 * here, he would be ufed fo again ; for 
 
 * Worth and Honour are baniih'd thiV 
 
 ' King- 
 
The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 5 1 
 
 Kingdom, and he that would rife and 
 be great, muft utterly defpife them. To 
 convince you farther of this, I will give 
 you a fhortDefcription of our Country — 
 Know then, that this Ifland is called 
 MuHeria, and the Inhabitants of it 
 Mutlerians, which in your Language, 
 fignifies the Land of Nofes. As you fee 
 we are all Nofes, fo we are govern'd by 
 a Nofe, what fort of one it is, I am not 
 able to inform you, but moft People fup- 
 pofe it to be of Wax. For it has been 
 known to receive feveral different Im- 
 
 preflions And fince it varies fo often, 
 
 to defcribe it, were the fame as painting 
 yonder Waves, which never are the 
 fame. There are abundance of other 
 waxen Nofes in the Kingdom, which 
 change for Fafhion fake, and that's the 
 Reafon you fee fo many Nojes alike. As 
 now almoft every one wears a great Bot- 
 tle turn-up Nofe, but t'other Day a great 
 Hook turn-down Noje was moft in Fafhi- 
 on. And all this happens as the great 
 Waxen Noje is made to fit. Come let us 
 walk a little, and I will fhew you the 
 
 City With all my Heart, reply 'd I ; 
 
 but pray what Company of No[es are 
 thefe now coming along, I fee there is 
 one brazen Nofe leads about three hun- 
 dred of them in a String, all walking in 
 due Order, like Horfes in a Team, and 
 D 2 [ they 
 
5 a The Hiftoryof Robert Powel. 
 
 they feem to be mightily pleas'd ; pray, 
 Sir Nofe, what may be the meaning of 
 this Proceflion ? Oh ! Sir, cries my 
 Friend, well minded; thole are a Parcel 
 of great Nufes that belong to our Diet ; 
 they have been taking golden Snuff, and 
 now are going to fneeze together, in the 
 great freezing .Room, which belongs to 
 the Town ; for you mult know, that 
 we Nofes do our moft important Affairs 
 now by fneezing ; not but that hereto- 
 fore we could talk very liberally, but it 
 is now grown very much out of Fafhion, 
 efpecially in the fneezing Room, that I 
 told you of; for a 'Diftemper lately come 
 from France, has fwept away moll: of 
 our Talates, and funk our Nofes in the 
 manner that you will fee, and that is 
 one Reafon why the high-hook Nojes 
 have of late been fo much out of Fafhion 
 
 My Friend was going on, when at 
 
 the End of the aforefaid Cavalcade, a 
 Parcel of Rabble, flat, frenchify'd, 
 bridglefs Nofes, came and fet upon him 
 in a moft bafe and barbarous manner,and 
 with a muffling broken Tone, call'd 
 him Traytor Upon which my friend- 
 ly Mutterian took to his Heels, and by 
 that efcap'd their Fury. I could not but 
 ask in a fret, why they dealt with him 
 in that inhuman manner ; which I no 
 fooner had laid, when up comes a Nofe 
 
The HiSlory of Robert Powel. 5 3 
 
 quite black and rotten with the Pox, 
 and in pieces of Words tells me, that I 
 am a fawcy Fellow to queftion a thing 
 
 fo well known. As what, quoth I 
 
 As what, fays he ; why that Fellow you 
 was in Company with, is a Traytor, for 
 'tis plain he beat the Farts our Enemies, 
 and fo prolonged an offenfive War 
 Befides, he's a high crooked Noje, and 
 is a Traytor of courfe. Indeed I obferv'd 
 my Friend's Nofe was fomething high 
 and crooked, but in all my Life, I never 
 heard the Shape of a Nofe urged as Trea- 
 fon before. In fhort, thefe vile flat No- 
 fes did not ftay for my Anfwer ; but one 
 of the moft ftinking among them, blew 
 himfelf out upon me, and then calJ'd me 
 nafty Fellow, and fo left me to wipe up 
 the Affront. 
 
 ' The Rabble were no fooner gone, and 
 I bereft of my new Friend, when I re- 
 folv'd to ramble alone over the Ifland, 
 to procure farther Information. As I 
 travell'd, I obferv'd, that though the 
 City was wholly inhabited by Nofes 9 
 yet the Streets were kept the naftieffc 
 that ever I fa w. The Caufe of which I 
 took to be the Vicioufnefs of the Inha- 
 bitants, who, though they are all Nofe, 
 yet by Means of the golden Snuff, and 
 being maul'd off fo bad with the trench 
 Diftemper, had loft their proper and 
 D 3 * chiefeft 
 
54- The Hiftory 0/ Robert Powel. 
 
 chiefeft Senfe, which is Smelling. And 
 that I believ'd was the reafon of their be- 
 ing reconcil'd to the Farts, who former- 
 ly ufed to ftink in the Noftrils of an ho- 
 ned: MuBerian. 
 
 ' I had not travers'd many of thefe dir- 
 ty Streets, but from an Eminence, I 
 perceiv'd a vail Concourfe of Nofes, ma- 
 king a prodigious Noife ; and as I drew 
 near, I could diftinguifh how fome 
 humm'd like the deep Bafe of an Organ, 
 fome muffled like a Scots Bagpipe, fome 
 made a ill rill fquawiing Noife like a 
 French Hautboy; but I foundthey join'd in 
 a general Acclamation of a red Coffer- 
 Nofe, which had got upon a Pinnacle of 
 the Queen of Mutieria's Palace ; from 
 whence he blew yellow Duft into the 
 Noftrils of the Nofes below, and fome- 
 times threw down fome red moift Snuff, 
 much of a Claret Colour, to his Favou- 
 rite Nofes, which they greedily fnuft'd 
 up ; and I faw that upon taking this, 
 the Nofes began to look much ruddyer, 
 and even the Coffer- Nofe feem'd to have 
 a vifible Change, and began to fhine 
 like Fire ; fo that Flames iffued out from 
 his Noftrils, which put me in mind of 
 the Brazen "Bulls at Colchis, which Jason 
 tamed by the Help of Medea. In fine, 
 the more I gaz'd on, the more fiery and 
 fparkling the Nofe grew, that at length, 
 
 * from 
 
The History of Robert PoweL 5 5 
 
 from the Eminence where it ftood, it 
 look'd more like a blazing Comet than a 
 Nofe, and vaft Streams of Fire iiTuing 
 our of its Noftrils, lighted on the Queen's 
 TaJace, Jul! at this time I heard a 
 (ingle Nofe, which I fancy was of the 
 Wooden kind, cry out that there was 
 Fire ; upon which one hundred and fifty 
 more Wooden Nofes cry'd, that they fmelt 
 Fire : But immediately a Parcel of 'Bra- 
 zen Nofes came up, and calPd them a 
 Pack of imfudent, mutinous Scoundrels, 
 Villains, Devils, Hereticks, and wood- 
 en Dogs, that pretended to fmell Fire, 
 when they were fit for nothing but to 
 make one, and fo drove them clear a- 
 way. 
 
 ' And now I faw and perceived in my 
 Vifion, that the Palace was all on Fire, 
 the Flames feem'd to melt the Clouds, 
 and the Sparkles mounted above the 
 Primum Mobile — ■ — The "Brazen Nofes 
 themfelves, began to fmell Burning, and 
 cry'd fohl what a Stink is here, has any 
 one burnt his Cloaths ; and prefently a 
 whole Drove of Waxen Nofes, who 
 had been filent hithertoforFafhionfake, 
 now ftanding all in Drops, upon the 
 Point to melt, cry'd out moft violently, 
 
 the Palace is on Fire Fire, Fire ; help, 
 
 help ; then began a mighty Buftle about 
 
 putting it out, fome fell to blowing 
 
 P 4 ' them* 
 
56 The HiJrtory of Robert Powel. 
 
 them felves out upon it; fome {pit, fpaw- 
 led, hawked, coughed and fpew'd, but 
 all to no purpofe ; for the Coffer Nojes, 
 by whofe Contrivances I fa w the Palace 
 was fet on Fire, being mingled with the 
 reft of the Rout, under pretence of en- 
 deavouring to extinguifh the Flames, 
 threw in every now and then Sulphur 
 
 and Bitumen, to nourifh the Fire 
 
 Swearing, Curfing, Damning, Crying, 
 Praying, Laughing, were there all in Per- 
 fection. This is all your Fault, fays one, 
 
 and be d nM to you, if we had not 
 
 taken fo much Snuff, we fhould have 
 fmelt the Fire before now; why you rot- 
 ten Dog, cries another, how can you 
 pretend to fmell, you bridglefs pockify'd 
 Puppy ? As I was in the midft of this 
 ftrange Company, of a fudden I heard a 
 doleful Cry, of People weeping, fnuf- 
 fling, fighing and fobbing ; and I obfer- 
 ved the great Coffer Noje, who had been 
 hitherto fo fubmiflively followed, left 
 defolate and deftitute to enjoy his own 
 Thoughts, which feem'd to be melan- 
 choly enough, notwithstanding all his 
 E mica voiirs to look chearful. At length 
 lefpy'd my old Friend Mr. Nofe, who 
 had met me on my firft Arrival at this 
 Ifland. Oh ! Sir, quoth I, fome ftrange 
 Alteration is here, but what it is, I can- 
 not imagine ; pray inform me, if you 
 » < know 
 
The Hiftory of Robert Powel, 5 7 
 
 know Why, Sir, fays the Nofe, you 
 
 muft have feen the Palace all on Fire, 
 which the Coffer Nofes defign'd, Ibme 
 of them, to make their own Advantage 
 of, but by chance, before they could 
 come to Help, their great Waxen Nofe 
 was quite melted away, and now a no- 
 ble wooden-hook Nofe fucceeds to the 
 
 Government Turning then to the 
 
 City, I beheld how that this Accident 
 had made a full Difcovery of Impofture 
 and Hypocrify. For almoft every Nofe 
 appear'd as it really was ; fome Nofes 
 which feem'd to be perfect Wood, pro- 
 ved now to be down-right Copper ; o- 
 thers looked like Copper, and proved to 
 be Wood ; others that had bruifed their 
 Bridges down, to look faffnonably pocky, 
 now raifed them up again, and looked 
 prodigious hooked, Koman s and found; 
 others that were hook'd fell flat on a fud- 
 den. I was mightily diverted with this 
 Metamorphofis,when, by came the great 
 Coffer Nofe, more attended than ever, 
 but it feem'd againft his Will, and he 
 all' the way cry'd Mortlleu, which ftart- 
 ledmefo, that I awak'd. 
 
 Memorandum To enquire what 
 
 Mortlleu fignifies, and what Country 
 Language it is. 
 
 This 
 
58 The Hisiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 This was Sir Oliver's Vifion : You can- 
 not but think that the old Gentleman was 
 much concern'd at it, and as he pen'd it 
 down, fo he often ruminated upon it, efpe- 
 cially that part of it relating to the great 
 Coffer Nofe, which he thought in fome 
 meafurenot unlike his Sons ; and therefore 
 with fome Reafon might apply that part of 
 the Vifion to his Son, whofe Nofe did in an 
 eminent manner excel the common fort in 
 Luftre, though not in Magnitude. One 
 Pay, as the good old Gentleman was fit- 
 ting by the Fire, he order'4 his Son to be 
 calPd to him, and as the Butler then pre- 
 fent inform'd me, fpoke to him as follows 
 
 : ■ My dear Child Robin- fome 
 
 time ago I had a Vifion, which has given 
 me great Uneafinefs, I wifh it may not 
 
 concern. tjlee, my Child But I much 
 
 fear it The Vifion I have written for 
 
 my own Satisfaction and Remembrance, 
 and for thy future Information. Ah ! 
 
 Robin, I doubt the Event Here the 
 
 Knight paufed a little, and after deep 
 Sighs, cry'd~- — Alas! alas! Bob, thy 
 
 Nofe will fet a Nation on Fire And 
 
 then he fell to down-right weeping 
 
 Now we do not hear that the old Man 
 
 ever fpoke a Word more but certain it 
 
 is, that he lived not long afterwards, 
 
 CHAP- 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert PoweL 5 9 
 
 
 CHAPTER the Second. 
 
 OLD Sir Oliver beingdead, his Wife 
 Dame Druida took Care to breed 
 up her Son, in the bell: Manner and Fa- 
 
 fhion fhe could Sir Oliver had from 
 
 the Beginning provided himfelf with a 
 Tutor to educate his Son, who proved to 
 be a tractable Lad ; but upon his Father's 
 Death he began to be very obftreperous. 
 His Mother, like moft fond Women, was 
 willing to be in the good Graces of her 
 dear Favourite, and by that Means young 
 Mr. Powel had fuch an Advantage as to 
 make his Mother's Credit, which was ve- 
 ry good in the Neighbourhood, ferve his 
 by Ends and fly Purpofcs. In fhort, he 
 wou'd make her fay or unfay any Thing, 
 and (till the more this poor Woman 
 doated on him, the more ridiculous he 
 wou'd make her. The young Squire fet 
 up to be fole Manager, but how to com- 
 pafsit, he could not tell, unlefs the whole 
 Oeconomy of the Houfe was chang'd— 
 In order then to effect, this, having conti- 
 nually his Mother's Ear, he never left off 
 complaining againft one Servant or ano- 
 ther, till by Degrees he had pick'd them 
 
 all out As in the firft Place he perfwa- 
 
 ded the old Lady, that her Steward cheat- 
 ed 
 
6o The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 
 
 ed her, and leffen'd her Revenue to that 
 Degree, that fhe muft infallibly be ruined, 
 unlefs flbe turn'd him out of Doors, which 
 was immediately done. And though Dame 
 Drutda had given Receipts for every Pen- 
 ny of Money that fhe had received of her 
 Rents, yet he made her believe that fhe 
 never did, and perfwaded her even to de- 
 ny her own Hand, and to accufe her Stew- 
 ard of not having accounted for thirty 
 Thoufand Pounds. Now leaft the old 
 Lady fhou'd difcover this Fallacy and Kna- 
 very, he prefents her with a dim Pair of 
 Spectacles, whofe Vertues were very ex- 
 traordinary : They made every Thing ap- 
 pear the Reverfe, black was white, and 
 white was black; great Things look'd 
 fmall, and fmall Things great ; Honefty 
 and Fidelity, fcem'd like Treachery and 
 JCnaverv ; Tricking, cheating and plotting, 
 appear'd in the Shapes of Honour, Plain- 
 dealing and Friendfhip ; pad Services and 
 real Benefits cou'd not be feen in them at 
 all. Thefe Spectacles the poor Woman 
 wore all the Time her Son Powel had the 
 Management of her Affairs. Her Stew- 
 ard was not long difcarded, before the reft 
 were all clearM too. Her Hind or Carter 
 was turn'd off, becaufe he would plow the 
 Land ; for the good Woman was prevaiPd 
 with to believe that the Way to have a 
 good Crop, was not to plow or fow at all. 
 
 A no- 
 
The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 6 i 
 
 Another Day fitting at Table with his 
 Mother, the Chaplain, who was a fober, 
 honeft and plain Man, being indifpos'd, 
 Mr. Powel would have him drink, and 
 upon his Refufal perfwaded Dame Druida 
 that he was a Mahometan, and according- 
 ly the honeft Man was banifh'd the Houfe. 
 Ton fee Mother, fays he, how you wou'd he 
 imposed on if it were not for me ; there is a 
 Rogue of a Steward has cheated you of fo 
 many Thoufands ; there is your Hind would 
 have ruin d your Eftate by plowing it up and 
 beggaring it ; and now this Mahometan 'Do- 
 ctor had ftill continued here, wider the No- 
 tion of a Chrifiian, if it had not been for 
 me. It's well you have fuch a Son, Iajjure 
 you, Madam. Alas ! Alas ! my dear Boy, 
 very true. eAye Madam, I warrant you, 
 your Ladyfhip believed this fniveling, cant- 
 ing, hypocritical Mujfulman had continually 
 taken his Grace Cup off. A 7 o, no, "'twas all 
 Legerdemain, the T)uce a 'Drop did he ever 
 {wallow, a Pagan, a Heathen, a "Devil-, 
 be fure, Madam, when a Man won't drink 
 he is a Mahometan, and has no more Religi- 
 on than an Horje. Upon which the good old 
 Woman, to prove her felf no Ways in- 
 clined to Mahometifm, calls for the Butler, 
 to bring up a Gallon of Wine, the beft in. 
 the Cellar ; fo Mr. Powel and his Mo- 
 ther fate all the Afternoon together, and 
 drank Confufion to the Turks, till at 
 
 Night 
 
6 a The. Hifiory of Robert Powcl. 
 
 Night they went to Bed very good Chru 
 jiians. 
 
 I need hot here make a Diary, how the 
 young Squire and his Mother did Day after 
 Day renew their Chriftianity ; but thus 
 they continued till the old Lady had a Nofe 
 almoft as rubicund as her Son's, which 
 did not a little fhine upon the Account of 
 this their old Religion, as Mr. Powel 
 call'd it. Thus our young Hero daily ca- 
 rous'd and fudled his Mother, that fhe, 
 good Woman, knew no other Way to Hea- 
 ven than a Bumper. Wine was now be- 
 come both Law, Phyfick and Divinity, 
 
 Had fhe a Qualm of Confcience Mr. 
 
 PowELcry'd, Drink Mother, drink ftout- 
 ly, and immediately the Qualm vanifhed, 
 like a Miff, before the Sun. Had the old 
 Woman the Tooth-Ach, Cough, Catarrh, 
 Defluxion , the Belly-Ach, Chilblains, 
 Gout or Rheumatifm, in fhort, had fhe 
 cut her Finger, or did her Corns pain her, 
 prefently her Son would prescribe the heal- 
 ing Bottle. Had any one ftolen her Sheep, 
 or Horfes, trefpaft on her Eftate, or im- 
 pounded her Cattle, 'twas, drink Mo- 
 ther, luftily, floutly, bravely, you will 
 ne'er go the fooner to the Stygian Fer- 
 ry ; And accordingly the old Woman 
 quaff 'd off her Cups moil unmeafurably. 
 Her Son likewife to fhow that he prefcri- 
 bed nothing but what he took himfelf, 
 
 fwal- 
 
The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 6 5 
 
 fwallow'd full as large a Dofe every Day 
 of this grand Catholicon. 
 
 Now you are to underftand that two 
 make not fo good Company as three, and 
 therefore becaufe they would not be 
 destitute of a third Perfon, they called the 
 old Lady's Chambermaid down to fit and 
 tipple with them, who foon grew to be a 
 great Proficient in this old Religion, and 
 could in a very little time take off a full 
 Glafs without baulking one Drop,fo that all 
 three of their Nofes grew to be of the 
 fame Complexion with their Tipple, which 
 fome Folks call Claret. Thus they cuff'd 
 
 their ,Cups about with Here*s fye 
 
 Mother — Thank ye Child 'Damn all 
 
 the Mahometans — eAmen — Ah! my La- 
 dy, if it had not heen for tny young Mafter 
 here, we might all have been Hunneduns 
 
 by this time / am fure our Chaplain 
 
 was one — for I remember one 'Day, we had 
 black Tuddings, and he would eat none ; and 
 I ask?d him if he lov'd a roa fling Pig, and 
 he told me he could not abide it — > TSfef flain 
 he is a Hunnedun, and I think your Lady- 
 Jin f have ejcapedagreat Scouring ; for had 
 he continued here much longer, who knows 
 what Judgments might have lighted on this 
 
 Houfe Here is your Ladyjhifs Healthy 
 
 and may you never fall again into Heathen- 
 ish Hands — ■ Sir, here^s my humble Service 
 
 to you Thank you, Susan. Thus in 
 
 this 
 
6 4 The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 this boufing, caroufing, quaffing, and jolly- 
 Manner, our young Hero, Mr.PowEi^ 
 fpent his time, when being of the Age of 
 one and Twenty (though before that he 
 Was plainly at Years of Difcretion) he 
 began to pick up Acquaintance according 
 
 tO HORACt. 
 
 j£tas, animufq; virilis. 
 
 Quxrit opes i$ Atnicitias injervit Honoril 
 
 I wifh I could add the next Verfe, which is; 
 
 Commifijje cavet, quod Mox mutarelaboret. 
 
 For the Truth of it is, our Squire took 
 little Care what he did, fo it ferved but his 
 prefent Turn ; this Humour brought him in- 
 to an infinite number of Scrapes, as you will 
 find by the Sequel ; and being of a moft 
 ambitious Temper, that hated any Thing 
 fhou'd be done but by his Direction and Ma- 
 nagement, he was forced to ilrike Abun- 
 dance of bold Strokes to carry him through 
 the frequent Blunders he fell into ; for he 
 wou'd never look back or recede from any 
 Undertaking, were it ever fo ridiculous or 
 impracticable, but through he wou'd go, 
 depending on this Maxim, that moreThings 
 have failed through Faintheartednefs and 
 Cowardice, than by all other Mifmanage- 
 fnents in the Would befides* He had great" 
 
 Re- 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powel. 65 
 
 Refpe£r, for thefe two Lines in Hudi« 
 
 BRASS: 
 
 Fortune th"* Audacious does Juvare ; 
 But lets the Timidous mi/carry. 
 
 But to proceed He had hitherto been 
 
 a fad Prodigal, and covetous of nothing 
 but Authprity and Drink ; but now he 
 was taken with a fmall Touch of Avarice , 
 which was foon perceiv'd by all the Neigh- 
 bourhood* and ; efpecially his Mother's 
 Tenants, who did not fail to make Prefents 
 to their young LandLord, in order to get 
 better Bargains of their old Landlady ; 
 being directed m this by Ovid ; 
 
 Munera crede mihi cdpiunt hominefy; 'Veofq-, 
 
 Though he was tricking, cunning, and of 
 a four Temper, little inclinable to do much 
 for his Clients, yet he was fo mollify'd, 
 and brought over, that good Bargains 
 were very eafy to be had, through his 
 Means ; for the old Lady did every thing 
 as her Son advis'd her. If a farm of five 
 or fix hundred Pounds a Year, was to be 
 lett, the Farmer making a fmall Prefent to 
 Mr. Powel, of Money, and fame Wine 
 (for he hated dry Bargains) immediately 
 the Eftate was lett for two or three hun- 
 dred Pounds fer. Annum. If his Mother 
 E Stfarir-i 
 
66 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 wanted a Bailiff, or any other Servant to 
 put in a Place of Truft ; Mr. Powel, for 
 the fake of Money, would promote the 
 mod vile, profligate, unqualifyM Fellow 
 imaginable ; by this Means doubly ferving 
 himfelf, firft, by putting Gold into his 
 Pockets, and then by letting none be em- 
 ploy'd, but fuch as were proper Tools to 
 be made ufe of. Thefe were the Politicks, 
 by which he was haftening on the Ruin of 
 the good old Woman, who, inftead of 
 Money or Accounts, now and then recei- 
 ved a Prefentof Wine, which pleafed her 
 fo well, that fhe feldom enquired after a- 
 ny thing elfe. 
 
 CGSeOSTj &20£&2 ©5XKK9S3 $383 eG^WZQ £$00 
 
 CHAPTER the Third. 
 
 ABOUT Eleven Years before this, a 
 NeighbouringGentleman fell fick and 
 died, and by a Will left to a Kinfmanofthe 
 Lady Druida (who was Guardian to him) 
 a large Farm and aMannor,which fhe fent 
 to take PofTeffion of; but another Gentle- 
 man, who had trumptup a fham Will, got 
 Poffeflion before her, upon which a Law- 
 Suit began. In this Law-Suit, the Lady 
 Druida had the good Fortune to employ 
 a very able Lawyer, and by his Skill, as 
 well as the Juftice of her Caufe, fhe ob- 
 tained 
 
The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 67 
 
 tained feven Verdi£h againft her Antago- 
 nift ; fo that Hie had nothing left for him 
 to do, but to deliver up Poffeflion, of what 
 he had fo long, and fo unjuftly detain'd, 
 which if he did not prefently do, it was • 
 not doubted, but a Decree would be ob- 
 tained in Chancery, to fequefter his own 
 lawfully inherited Eftateby way of Punifh- 
 ment, for his unjuft Detainer of another's 
 Right. But alas ! how mutable is the Face 
 of human Affairs ? This Antagonist of 
 Lady Druida's, kept the Farm not in his 
 own PoiTeflion, but in the Hands of his 
 Grandfon, who by his forged Will, was 
 Heir to the Tefiator. He was a very craf- 
 ty old Fellow, one who had been ufed to 
 manage Law-Suits,by bribing the Evidence 
 and Juries, making very light of Perjury, 
 Forgery, or Subornation, &c. This cun- 
 ning old Sophifter knowing how Matters 
 ftood between Mr. Po w el and his Mother, 
 and how well the former loved Money — 
 Immediately fcrapes an Acquaintance, and 
 claims an old Friendship with our young 
 
 Squire Sends him a vaft Cargo of Wine, 
 
 and withal, a large Purfe of Guineas, pro- 
 mising more of both, to cultivate a Stricter 
 Friendship ; adding, that it wasthegrea- 
 teft Pity in theWorld,thattwofuch Friends 
 and antient Neighbours,fhould differ mere- 
 ly about a Trifle With a great deal 
 
 more of fuch diffembling Stuff Our 
 
 E 2 young 
 
68 The Hiftoryof Robert Powel. 
 
 young Mafter no fooner receives this 
 MeiTage t "with the prefent of Wine and 
 Gold, but he fills his Belly with the one, 
 and his Pockets with the other; and out 
 or the Wine, makes a noble Prefent to his 
 Mother. Then retires to his mufing Room, 
 and having call'd for Pen, Ink and Paper, 
 "writes as follows ; 
 
 My mofi honour* d and worthy Friend, 
 
 I Send you many Thanks for your 
 4 bountiful Prefent, which I fhall en- 
 deavour to merit The Wine is ad- 
 mirable- Your Guineas want the 
 
 Scepters I doubt not but the Gold 
 
 is true. 
 
 I am your trufiy Friend, &c. 
 
 c P. S. The Bearer my Butler is an ho- 
 
 neft Fellow You may confide in 
 
 him, and he will let you know my In- 
 tentions. 
 
 Having feal'd and fuperfcribM this fhort 
 Epiftle, he calls his Butler; ' D'ye hear, 
 
 c Matt, take this Letter You know 
 
 < old Sir Anthony Slyboots, that lives 
 
 1 at the Tile -kilns Slip out at the 
 
 * Back- 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 69 
 
 4 Backydoor, and carry this Letter private - 
 
 * ly.to him AfTure him that I am his 
 
 ' Friend • Remember to tattehis Wines, 
 
 ? and fee what Stock he has in his Cellars 
 
 1 ■ Make hafte, and be private. 
 
 The Command was no fooner given 
 than obey'd, by the obfequious Butler, 
 who knew to a Hair his Matter's Mind, 
 and therefore was the fitter forthis Under- 
 taking. Highly tickled was old Slyboots 
 with this MefTage, rinding now all things 
 go according to his Wifhes. Therefore 
 doubtlefs, honeft Matt the Butler, was 
 rewarded for his good Service. Well, 
 Matt returns, and gives his Matter a full 
 Accpunt of all the Tranfactions, which 
 did not a little pleafe Mr. Powel, who, 
 from this Hour, began to labour old Sly- 
 boot's Affair to the utmott of his Power. 
 Though indeed, before this MefTage by 
 the Butler, there had been a Fellow-feeling 
 between our Hero and the old Sophifter ; 
 and the Reafon why the honeft Steward, 
 laborious Hind, and religious Chaplain, 
 were difcarded, was becaufe they were 
 Enemies to old Slyboots. Now they be- 
 ing out of the way, Mr. Powel, though 
 baulk'd hitherto in his Projects for old 
 Slyboots (having had one of his Tools 
 in that Affair ftabb'd to Death, with a 
 'BridrPort Dagger j yet having his Mother 
 folelyat hisDifpofal, with no one elfe to 
 E 3 counfel 
 
70 The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 counfel her now ; he refolv'd, whatever 
 might be the Confequence, to carry the 
 /)ld Trickfter's Point for him. In order 
 then erTecruallyto do it, he perfwades his 
 Mother, that her Kinfman nSew'd her no 
 Refpecr, that he was very fa wcy and un- 
 grateful, that he did notdeferve her Care 
 of him; that her Neighbour Slyboots 
 was an honeft grateful Gentleman, one 
 that (lie might depend upon ; that his 
 Words and Promifes were bona fide, as 
 unalterable as the Laws of the Medes and 
 Perfians; that the Families of the Vol- 
 pone's and the Slyboots, had receiv'd 
 vaft and many Obligations from one ano- 
 ther. 
 
 * You know, Mother, ' quoth he, how 
 
 * often your Family has been made wel- 
 
 4 come by Sir Anthony How long 
 
 ' we ufed to fray at his Houfe at a time — 
 4 You may depend on it, Madam, he has 
 
 1 a lafting Refpect for you Then why 
 
 4 fhould not you accommodate Matters 
 4 with him? What Reafon can there be 
 4 for not joining with thole jufi and honou- 
 4 rable Me a fares he offers ? He is reafon- 
 
 4 able Why fhould not you be fo ? 
 
 4 He wou'd now compound-—— - Why will 
 1 not you ? In fhort, Mother, you can get 
 
 * nothing by this Law-Sun, fcr his Wealth 
 is inexhauftible, and yours already ex- 
 
 * ha ufted; and though you fhould get 
 
 < twenty 
 
The History of Robert Powel. 7 1 
 
 twenty more l^erdifis, he- mud carl you 
 in the End : And this Rifque you run 
 for a Nephew that cares not a Fig for 
 you. None but Lawyers get by the Law, 
 and th(? the.Terfon you employ has ob- 
 tained [even VerdiFts for you, yet be 
 affured, ^twas only in order to -Prolong 
 the Suit. Will you not compound 
 
 then ? The good Lady ory'd, l I will 
 compound. Dear Son, I will compound, 
 
 Do you compound for me Well , 
 
 Mother, fays Mr. Powel, I will, and 
 fo here is Sir Anthony Slyboots's 
 Health, and Confufion to all thofe that 
 delight in Law Immediately the old 
 
 Lady pledged him, and thought no more 
 
 of the matter, which fhe entirely left to 
 
 her Son's Management. 
 
 . 
 
 CHAPTER the Fourth. 
 
 MR. Powel having carry'd his Point 
 thus far, refolv'd to ftrike while 
 the Iron was hot, that is, while he had 
 this good Opportunity ; therefore having 
 called Susan the Chambermaid, he leaves 
 her to keep his Mother Company, and a- 
 W"ay he marches. Firft he difchargcs all 
 E 4 the 
 
•ji The Hisiory of Robert Powel. 
 the Lawyers ; fome he paid with Money, 
 fome he wou'd not pay at all, and to fome 
 others he gave Hills, which he knew would 
 never be paid ; yet thefe they were forced 
 to take ; and thus he fent all packing, ex- 
 cept a few ^Attorneys that he thought were 
 entirely at his Beck. The next thing to be 
 done, was to procure fome Referees to his 
 Mind, and that puzzled him extreamly ; 
 for he knew none in the Neighbourhood, 
 but what were too honefr. for his Service, 
 and wou'd incline rather to his Mother's, 
 than Old Slyboots's Side. In the midft 
 of this Perplexity it came into his Head, 
 that at a neighbouring Town, there were 
 a Parcel of Strolers, Fellows who got their 
 Living by ajjimilat'tng other Perfons ; thefe 
 he thought, being truly mercenary, might 
 ferve his Purpofe ; and indeed he was not 
 wrong in his Opinion, as the Story will 
 fhew you. Hehyes then to eAricon(fov that 
 was the Town's Name) and coming there 
 pretty late, finds them at their Occupation. 
 They were afring the Committee, and the 
 Mailer of them play'd Teague, or the 
 Faithful hifmian. Immediately he gets 
 behind the Scenes, there to makehis-Ob- 
 fervations, and pick out thofe that were 
 the fitted for his Defigns ; and to tell you 
 the truth, he found them very expert Lads, 
 for they had all at feveral Times a£ted in 
 l Drury-lan : ', ;ind come off with a great 
 
 LJa£. 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 7 3 
 
 Clap. The Play being over, and Compa- 
 ny gone, he foon picks out the Matter of 
 thefe Strollers, and taking him afide, told 
 him, he fhould be glad to fpend an Hour 
 or two in private Converfation with him, 
 and that if he pleas'd, he wou'd prefent 
 him with a Bottle of French Wine, Tort 
 being his Averfion. The poor half-ftarved 
 Actor did not flay to be asked twice, but 
 to the Tavern they jogg'd together. 
 
 It was not long before they were gotten 
 into a profound Chat about Plays, as 'tis 
 natural for Men to fall into Difcourfe of 
 tlaeir own Craft and Science ; but what 
 made the Actor the more particular and 
 circurnftantial on the Subject, was Mr. 
 Powel's encouraging him to it, who was 
 willing to found the Depth of the Fellow's 
 Capacity ; knowing that if a Man be a 
 Bungler in what he profeifes and was bred 
 up to, he will fcarce be capable of taking 
 any thing off hand : befides that, he pur- 
 pofed to mate the Actor mellow before he 
 broke his Secret to him. Therefore when 
 his Companion began to flag, he wou'd 
 
 remind him ■ ' True, Sir, as you fay, 
 
 \ Venice freferv'd is an admirable Come- 
 6 dy, I am much pleafed with the Senate 
 
 ' in it The Actor replys, Sir, begging 
 
 4 your Pardon, Venice prejerv'd is a deep 
 < Tragedy, tho' indeed the Senate is a per- 
 f feft Je/t : But lean allure you it is a 
 
 < Tra- 
 
74- The HiBory of Robert Powel. 
 
 € Tragedy written by Mr. Otway. If 
 € you delight in Comedy, let me recom- 
 c mend to you a Farce of the fame Poet's, 
 t the Cheats of Scafin ; it's taken from the 
 x French ; but looks very natural in the 
 i Englijh. ■ True, quoth Mr. : ?owei, that 
 c is an excellent Farce, the French outdo 
 c us ; I wonder we don't import more of 
 
 < their Stirling Wit. Indeed, Sir, fo do 
 
 < I, quoth the A&or — — Nothing can 
 c come up to that Pafroral Tragicomedy, 
 c Noble Ingratitude, tranflated from the 
 t French \ it was printed in Holland, but 
 I hut heen aHed divers times in England. 
 c I am fute you cannot but like it. — 
 
 < Then there is Englifimen for Money, a- 
 
 < nother very pleafant Comedy : I believe 
 
 < it's borrow'd from France. Then there 
 t is another merry Comedy,- tho' it has 
 | but little in it, called Robin's Conscience. 
 \ I gad Sir,T find the People extremely 
 c pleafed with it, and laugh all the time 
 \ of Afting, 'tis fo full of Irony. The IJle 
 
 t of Gulls too is very comical And that 
 
 i other Play of Mr. Tate's, called, The 
 t Ingratitude of a Commonwealth, was 
 
 acitedwitha great deal of Applaufe, tho' 
 A I thiuk it cannot take long with the 
 
 t People. It's not to be imagin'd, 
 
 ( Sir, how much the Fox of Ben John- 
 
 e son's has taken of late. Pray, good 
 
 6 Sir, how do you like the Characters of 
 
 « Tri« 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert Po wel 7 5 
 
 Tribulation and eAnanias in the <Akhy- 
 mlB . ? You can tell whether they have 
 the true fanctify'd Cant or no. Why 
 truly, fays Mr. Powel, I like the Cha- 
 racter of- Face in it much the belt ; it 
 feems to hit my Humour more than all 
 the reft. Sir, fays the A&or, how do 
 you like the 'Duke and no 'Duke ? and 
 The Man's the Mafter t What think you 
 of the True Widow, a Comedy, and the 
 Ungrateful Favourite, a Tragedy. The 
 7 lain 'Dealer alfo is a noble Play, how 
 do you approve of that, Sir ? A pietty 
 good Play, fays Mr. Powel, but better 
 to be read than a£red. Very right, cries 
 the A&or ; it took mightily heretofore, 
 but Peoples Taftes being alter'd, we 
 have not play'd it for fome Years. But 
 there is Trick for Trick, a Comedy of the 
 , Ingenious Mr. D'LTrfy, and The Politi- 
 cian cheated, and Woman's a Weather- 
 cock, are three notable Comedies ; and 
 if you ftay in Town, we will aft which 
 of them you pleafe ; or if you will come 
 next Week again, the Quality have be- 
 fpoken The Ambitious State/man, a Play 
 of Mr. Crown's, and The Falje Favou- 
 rite difgrac'd, a Play of Monfieur D'O- 
 villy's. 'Tis pity that excellent Play 
 of Ben Johnson's, call'd Mortimer's 
 Fall, is not finifh'd. Believe me, Sir, 
 it would pleafe the Town extremely. 
 
 Puh! 
 
7 6 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 e Puh I Pox on all Tragedies ( quoth Mr. 
 
 * Powel) away with them ; here's my 
 c Service to you in a Bumper ; let us talk 
 
 * no more of Plays. I have fomething of 
 c Importance to tell you. The A&or 
 drinking off his fHafs and pricking up, his 
 Ears ; Mr. Powel began and related his 
 whole Defign ; how he wanted fbme Re- 
 
 fences, but fear'd he fhou'd get none to his 
 Purpofe, and clapping a Purfe into the 
 poor Actor's Hand, tells him farther, that 
 he beg'd his Afliftance in fo nice an Affair. 
 Immediately the obliged Aclor offer'd Life 
 and Limb to ferve fo good a Benefactor ; 
 a-ffuring him that he had no need to fuf- 
 peft his Fidelity, Diligence, and Secre- 
 {y. In fhort, after fome Time fpent in 
 Tippling and Talking over this Matter, 
 
 they came to the following Refolution 
 
 That J a co mo (for that was the Actor's 
 Name,) with all the reft of his Company 
 well difguifed, I mean leing all drefs^d 
 like Gentlemen, fhould make the Lady 
 Druida a Vifit : That they fhould perfo- 
 nate People of Quality, and fo be made 
 Referrees in the Lady Druida's Affair. 
 They agreed upon what Titles and Names 
 they fhould go by, and what Day they 
 fhould come ; then called for the other 
 Bottle, drank that up, and fo parted. 
 
 CHAP- 
 
The Hiftorj of Robert Powel . 7 7 
 CHAPTER the Fifth. 
 
 NEXT Morning Mr. Powel rides 
 home, where having ftaid about a 
 Day or two, he acquaints his Mother that 
 feveral Perfons of Quality — Sir Thomas 
 Bacon, Sir Harry Codfish, Sir Jeffrey 
 Pork, Sir Alexander Beans, and Sir 
 William Peascods, withfeven more, all 
 his very good Friends, wou'd fhgrtly make 
 her Lady fhip a Vifit. Accordingly the good 
 old "Woman provides for their Reception ; 
 and the aforefaid Perfons of Quality came 
 at the Time appointed, and were receiv'd 
 with the utmoft RefpeQ: by the Lady, and 
 a great Deal of Complaifance by Mr. 
 Powel ; Dinner" comes in and they are all 
 placed in Form ; After Dinner the Grace 
 Cup walks round, which is follow'd with 
 other Cups of equal Moment, till every 
 one begins to be cheerful, and after many 
 Stories told, and Jokes paft about, Mr. 
 Powel begins to tell them my Ladfs 
 Cafe, How that being tired with an end- 
 lefs Law-Suit, fhe was refolved now to 
 refer it, and that it was the hardeft Mat- 
 ter in the World to meet with Gentlemen 
 fit to be made Referrees, thofe that were 
 qualify'd, would feldom undertake the 
 
 Trou- 
 
78 The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 Trouble ; thofe that would undertake it 
 were fcarce ever qualifv'd ; That therefore 
 it wou'd be a great A61 of Charity in an 
 honeft Man to take upon him fuch an Of- 
 fice Thar he was indeed afhamed to of- 
 fer fo irkfome an Affair to Sir Thomas 
 Bacon, or any of the Gentlemen there 
 prefent, otherwife he wou'd have trefpaft 
 
 fofar on their Goodnefs. In anfwer to 
 
 which Jacomo, (now Sir Thomas Ba- 
 con) replies, O good Sir, — I am fure I 
 fhou'd hold my felf ever unpardonable, 
 fhou'd I refufe my Lady Druida any 
 Thing ; This is a fmall Service, in Com- 
 parifon with what I owe her Son, and I 
 dare anfwer for my Neighbours here, that 
 they fhall rather efteem it an Honour than 
 
 a Trouble Upon which all the twelve 
 
 agreed to what their Foreman had faid, 
 and were upon that declared my Lady 
 Druida's Referrees. This being done, 
 Mr. Powel got his Mother to write or 
 fend the following Letter to her Kinfman 
 Charles who was her Truft. 
 
 'Dear and well beloved Cuz, 
 
 * "T Greet you well, and do allure you, 
 \^ i notwithstanding all Reports to the 
 
 4 contrary, that I am for your Intereft, 
 
 * and will not give over the Law-Suit y 
 
 < till 
 
The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 79 
 
 1 till I have recover'd every Foot of your 
 6 Eftate from young Slyboots. 
 
 i I am your truly affectionate 
 * Kinfwoman, 
 
 Druida Volpone. 
 
 The next Day thefe noble Referrees of 
 the Lady Druida, metfome others of Sir 
 Anthony Slyboots, 'where after they 
 had fet their Heads together, rather for 
 Form Sake than any other Defign, they 
 came to this upright and juft Award, 
 which was eafily to be expected from Per- 
 fons of their Worth and Character. 
 
 The Award of the Referrees. 
 
 rHoAT Sir Anthony Slyboots's 
 Grandfon, jhotfd have the whole Farm in. 
 T)ifpute between him and the Lady Drui- 
 d a'j Kjnfmanjogether with the Manour and 
 all its Appurtenances, and that Sir Antho- 
 ny Jbou'd be repaid the Charges he had been 
 at by his Jaid Grandfon, but that the Lady 
 Druida fhou'd bear her own. That the 
 [aid Sir Anthony fhou'd make a Trefent 
 of a fine Seat on the River Side, to the 
 
 of or ej aid Lady Druida, to be by her fulTd 
 
 down 
 
8o The Hifiory dj Robert Pbwel. 
 
 down, unlefs Sir Anthony Jlwu'd at any 
 Time intend to ufe it again. <And farther^ 
 the Lady Druid a and her Servants flwifd 
 have Liberty to walk in the Manour and 
 Farm belonging unto Sir Anthony'j [aid 
 Grand] on, provided fie and they always kept 
 in the common Roads, and the trodden Taths. 
 cAnd laftly, where us the J aid Sir Anthony 
 was pojjefs' l dof certain black Cattle, which 
 were more Charge than "Benefit to him; he 
 therefore JJjou'd out of FriendJJrip and pure 
 Kjndnefs tra?isfer all his Right in them to 
 the. L^dy Druida aforefaid- 
 
 This Award being made, Mr. Powel 
 gave fome Money to his oAclors, and fcnt 
 them home well contented, and very ready 
 to ferve.him upon a like Occafion. 
 
 You may think this Tranfafrion did not 
 
 only aftonifhthe Lady Druida's Kinfman, 
 
 -who iuft before receiv'd the Letter from 
 
 her, but it alarm'd the Country round. 
 
 Every one's Mouth was full of the ftrange 
 
 Award— Some condemn'd the old Lady,' 
 
 but others that knew her better only ac- 
 
 cus'd her Son — At laft the Hubbub grew 
 
 fo great, that it reach'd the good Woman's 
 
 Ears, who was in no fmall Confternation, 
 
 for fhe had never heard the Truth of it 
 
 before, but was fo deluded by her Son's 
 
 Artifices, that fhe knew not but that fhe 
 
 had made a moft honourable End of the 
 
 Law- Suit. 
 
 And 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 8 h 
 
 And now began young Squire Powel's 
 Misfortunes ; for jull as this furprizin^ 
 News was brought to his Mother, Hie fell 
 Into fuch a Fit of Trembling, that fhe let 
 fall her dim Spectacles, which he had made 
 her a Prefent of, and the Pavement being 
 fomewhathard, they broke in. Pieces. So 
 that the Lady was forced to ufe her own 
 Eyes, which fhe had not done before in 
 all the Time of her Son's Management. 
 What a prodigious Change enfued, is hard 
 to tell— The poor Old Woman icok'd 
 about and faw every thing clearly, yet 
 could fcarce believe her Eyes open : In 
 the midft of this Agony, (lie calls to Susan 
 for a Dram: Su^an comes with it, but 
 fo alter'd, that her Miitrefs fcarce knew 
 
 her What, fays the old Ladv, are you 
 
 Susan? Susan upon that looking up, 
 and feeing Lady Druid a had not on her 
 Spectacles, fhe fets down the Cordial,, and 
 takes to her Heels. The Lady drank up 
 the Dram, and into her Glofet fhe goes, 
 where fhe began to look over her Ac- 
 counts, and Chefts of Money, which con- 
 trary to her Expectation (he finds empty 
 of Cafb, and fturPd with nothing but un- 
 paid Bills, Letters of Advice from her 
 Friends, and Remonftrances full of Grie- 
 vances from her Tenants. Some of them 
 
 fhe reads But not having Patience to 
 
 ted a Quarter of them over ; down Stairs 
 F fhe 
 
%i The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 fine goes, to look into her Family Affairs, 
 when to her Amazement fhe finds all hef 
 Servants clad in Sir Anthony Slyboots's 
 Livery. This convinced her, thatherSon 
 Powel had betray'd her, and what with 
 Grief for her Lofs of Credit, and Shame 
 that fhe fhou'd have been fo long bubbled ; 
 fhe fell into a Swoon, and never recover'd 
 out of it ; but dying, lefc her Eltate to a 
 Kjnfma'ri, on whom it was entaiPd after 
 her Life, who at this Day enjoys it with 
 great Reputation and Conducl. To avoid 
 his juft Refentment, Mr. Powel and 
 Susan fled for fhelter to Sir Anthony 
 Slyboots's Houfe. 
 
 CHAP- 
 
The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 83 
 CHAPTER the Sixth. 
 
 MR. Robert Powel being now fafe, 
 like a Thief in a Mill, at the Old 
 Trickfterh Houfe in the Tile-kilns, there he 
 defign'd to ftay. But Sir Anthony, tho' 
 he was one of thofe that loved the Trea- 
 fon, yet he hated the Traytor ; and being 
 a crafty Man, and of a quick Apprehen- 
 fion, he foon found, that the only way to 
 keep his Family quiet, was to get his 
 Friend or Tool Powel out of the way. He 
 cou'd not in Gratitude bid him go ; the 
 only way he cou'd think of, to fend him 
 packing, was to make him quite weary of 
 the Place : Which he foon accomplifh'd, by 
 fetting Spies over him, by placing no Con- 
 fidence in him, and by withdrawing his 
 daily CarefTes from him ; fo that as a 
 Strangenefs grew between them, Mr. 
 Powel foon form'd a Defign of Remo- 
 ving. Day after Day he beat his Brains 
 in laying Plots and Schemes to anfwer his 
 ambitious Defigns. At laft it came into 
 his Head, that in the Eaft Indies there was 
 an Ifland, where feveral of his Country- 
 men from low Beginnings had quickly 
 raifed themfelves to very great Riches and 
 Honour. Thither he refolves to go, and 
 F 2 being 
 
84 The Hifloryof Robert Powel. 
 
 being fix'd in his Refolution, he imparts it 
 to two or three Friends, who having all a 
 great Opinion of Mr. Powel's Sagacity, 
 were ready to run all Hazards with him. 
 The thing was concerted, and they pre- 
 pared for their Voyage there being then 
 three Men of War in the Bay ready to fet 
 Sail ; they took their Leaves of Sir An- 
 thony Slyboots, who was glad at their 
 Departure, and embarqued in one of the 
 VeiTels, which foon carry'd them out of 
 fight of Land. 
 
 And here I need not infert the Circum- 
 franccs of every Day's Sail, how they 
 fteer'd, what Winds blew, what Storms, 
 what Calms, what Capes and Promonto- 
 ries they pa it, whatFifb, Fowls, or Mon- 
 gers they met with • becaufe a large Ac- 
 count of all thefe may be fecn in Mr. Pow- 
 el's Journals of his E&fi- India Voyage, 
 which he defigns fpeedily for the Prefs. 
 Therefore I fhall only here obferve to my 
 Reader, that they all had like to have been 
 loif ; and becaufe the Story is remarkable, 
 and Mr. Powel being the Occailon of the 
 whole Danger, not defigning probably to 
 print it in his Journal, I. will as faithfully 
 as poilible relate it. 
 
 The Ship they fail'd in was the g/4/£/o# ; 
 the Captain of the Ship was a good ho- 
 neit Man, but wholly ignorant of Sea- 
 Aflairs— — How he came to that Polt I 
 
 forgot 
 
The History 0/ Robert Powel. 8 5 
 
 forgot to enquire, whether his Father was 
 Captain before him, or whether the Sai- 
 lors put him there out of Love, or whe- 
 ther the Ship might be his own- But 
 
 fo it was -The Captain was a perfect 
 
 Novice; yet what made amends for all, 
 he had provided himfelf with a Sett of 
 able and expert Officers under him. His 
 Lieutenant and Mafter were accounted, 
 one the beft Soldier, . the other the beft 
 Sailor on all the Seas ; the one renown'd 
 for the greateft Valour and Conduct in 
 Fight, and the other for the higheft Pru- 
 dence in a Storm. — All the Sailors thought 
 themfelves fafe, when thefe commanded, 
 while the honed: Captain fate and enjoy'd 
 himfelf, and his Friends, over a Bottle, or 
 a Bowl of Punch, in his Cabin. Tfvs, 
 Sir, was the old State and wonted Ma- 
 nagement of the oAJbion, before Mr. Pow- 
 el and his Company came on board ; and 
 at this rate did they for feveral Years ride 
 Matters of the Seas, beloved by Friends, 
 
 and fear'd by Enemies But alas ! For- 
 
 tuna vitrea eft. Or to ufe Horace's 
 Words, 
 
 Fortuna fevo lata negotio. 
 Et ludum injolentem ludere pertinax. 
 
 L. }. Ode 29. 
 
 F 3 No 
 
86 The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 
 
 No fooner was Mr. Powel on board, but 
 Diilentions arofe among the Ship's Crew ; 
 for he being a true 'Boutefeu, could not 
 help fowing Mifehief wherever he came. 
 His Companions, according to Order, ply'd 
 it Night and Day to corrupt the poorTarrs. 
 And to make himfelf more fure in carrying 
 on his fly Defigns, he takes the Chaplain 
 of the Ship afide, and thus harangues him ; 
 Molt Reverend Sir, I always had, and 
 always fhall have, a vaft Efteem for your 
 Coat ; I highly honour you, Sir, and 
 'tis no more than what is due to your 
 Deferts. Worfhip ought to be given to 
 Religion, and Reverence to thofe who 
 are its Minifters. It's Ingratitude not 
 to pay a Homage to the AmbafTador of 
 Heaven, and who would be guilty of In- 
 gratitude ? For my part, had I the Ma- 
 nagement of this Ship, the Chaplain 
 fhou'd no longer be call'd Chaplain, *Par- 
 Jon or Triefiy but Lord 'Bijbap. Believe 
 me, Sir, Lawn Sleeves wou'd very much 
 become you. I wifh it lay in. my Power 
 to promote you to the Dignities which 
 I ki:ow you deferve : But alas ! why do 
 I talk ? when am I likely to be in a Con- 
 dition to ferve fuch Friends ? My Friends 
 are now no more refpecled than common 
 Tars by your eAtheiftical Lieutenant and 
 fly Mafter. Dear Sir, my Heart grieves 
 for you — — I fhed thefe Tears for your 
 
 * fake 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powel. 87 
 
 ' fake-— I can fay no more Wou'd it 
 
 1 lav in 1 my Power- Farewell. 
 
 Away he goes, and leaves the Chaplain 
 fwelled, and bloated up ; that had he faid 
 fix Words more, he had burftlike i£so 's 
 Toad. Lupercus (which was his Name) 
 grew in an Inftant from the flender Shapes 
 of a Trencher- fcra per or Servitor at Ox- 
 ford, to the portly Bulk of a 'Biflnp or Lord 
 Ahhot. Immediately he trudges to his Ca- 
 bin, where having fate fome time mufing 
 on the Grandeur, Riches, and Power of a 
 Bifhoprick, he fell to compofing a Sermon 
 for Sunday. The Sermon, tho' very re- 
 markable, we have not by us. And from 
 that time forward, Lupercus made it his 
 whole Bufinefs to revile the Lieutenant and 
 Mafter, to whofe Care and Vigilance, next 
 to God, he owed his daily Safety. He 
 told the poor credulous Tars, that their 
 Lieutenant and Mafter intended to ruin 
 them ; that they were Atheifts ; that they 
 Cheated them of their Pay and Provifions ; 
 and that if they were not turned out, fome 
 dreadful Judgments would light on the 
 Ship. And that they might the more fted- 
 faftly believe him, he adds, that he was 
 the oAmbajJador of Heaven, and if they 
 did not believe whatever he faid to them, 
 they wou'd infallibly be damn'd. 
 
 In the mean time Mr. Powel daily, 
 
 over the Punch-Bowl, plys the credulous 
 
 F 4 ' good- 
 
88 The HiBory of Robert Powcl. 
 
 good-natur'd Captain with the like For- 
 geries, telling him that his Lieutenant was 
 certainly a Travtcr. and that he meant to 
 eclipfe his Glory by continually beating 
 the Enemy ; and that both he and the 
 Clownifh Matter (who was indeed pretty 
 blunv, 2nd apr to fpeak Truth freely) 
 fbew'cj him no Refpv.£L Nay, that they 
 had foi m'd a Defgn to fling him over- 
 board, and then make the Lieutenant Cap- 
 tain ; ' therefore, added he, even throw 
 
 ? him over-board to (ecu re your ft if ■ 
 
 But the Captain, tho' frighted out of his 
 little Wits, was too tender-hearted for 
 fuch a barbarous Enterprize, and there- 
 fore contented himfclf with only difcharg- 
 ing him and all his Friends, and putting 
 in Mr. Powel, and whomsoever elfe he 
 
 recommended.' For a Lieut e?iant they 
 
 vampn up a Man, who had heretofore 
 b:en Captain of a Fire-fhip, and leaft he 
 fhould fight, they took away his Cutlace. 
 Tie Places of Midfhipmen, Matter's 
 Mates, Gunner and Carpenter, were filled 
 wich Mr. Powu's Companions, who 
 knew nothing of the Bufinefs. The Ma- 
 tters Place, which was the Management 
 of the Sailing Part, Mr, Powel took to 
 himfelf — So he gravely fate at the Helm. 
 Upon this Change, great was the Altera- 
 tion in the Method of Governing the Ship. 
 In a Calm, all the Sails were immediately 
 
 taken 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powel. 89 
 
 taken down, and furPd. In a Storm, all 
 the Cloth poffible was hoifted ; in {hort 
 and breaking Seas they freer"' d ftrait, with- 
 out regarding the Land marks ; in the 
 open Main they veer'd, and ib loft time 
 in failing. Now though every Mariner 
 in the Ship knew better, yet according to 
 the Proverb ; 
 
 Ouos Jupiter vult ferdere, hosgrius de~ 
 mentat. 
 
 They were fo infatuated with a Belief of 
 Mr.PowEL's good Conduct, andfo blinded 
 by the Perfwafions of their Chaplain Lu- 
 percus, as to think it all for the beft. 
 The other two Men of War, that accom- 
 pany'd the eAlhion, were the Eagle and 
 the Lyon ; the firft a vaft large Ship, but 
 an ill and old Sailor ; the latter a much 
 lefTer VeiTel, new, and well built, and an 
 admirable Sailor. The Captains of each 
 werefuch, that it would derogate from 
 their Deferts, fhould I attempt to give 
 them a Character, a Jot beneath what is 
 due to the moil Prudent, Honeft, Wife, 
 and Valiant of Men. Thefe three Ships, 
 viz. The Albion, the Eagle, and the Lyon, 
 with their Tenders, were conftant Com- 
 panions in all the Fortunes of the Seas ; 
 had weatherM many a Storm, and had 
 been very merry together in many a peace- 
 ful 
 
90 The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 
 ful Calm : They had aflifted one another 
 often in bloody Fight, and as they always 
 fhick faithfully together, fo they never 
 came off but Conquerors, though their 
 Enemies were very often more in Number. 
 Now thefe Ships were bound to join in all 
 their Enterprizes by common Confent ; 
 and no one to do anything, or undertake 
 any Voyage, without imparting it to the 
 other Two. 
 
 The Captains of the Eagle and Lyon y 
 though they were not furpriz'd, to hear 
 that the eAlhion had degraded her Lieute- 
 nant, having had fome Notice of it, before 
 'twas done, and their friendly Advice up- 
 on that Occafion having been fcornfully 
 reje&ed ; yet they were quite aftonifh'd, 
 to fee the new Ways of Sailing ufed on 
 Board her. For commonly when they 
 furl'd their Sails, fhe hoifted hers ; when 
 they hoifted, fhe furled ; when they veer'd, 
 flie fail'd ftrait ; and when they made the 
 beft of their way, fhe veer'd or tack'd — 
 In fhort, they could not, as Friends, fit 
 ftill, and fee thefe ruinous Methods pur- 
 fued ; but writ a Letter to the Captain of 
 the Albion, informing him, that if he took 
 not another Courfe, he would lofe his 
 Ship. But the Meflenger, inftead of de- 
 livering it to the Captain, gave it to one 
 of Mr. Powel's Companions, who put 
 it in his Pocket, and there ftifled it. Some 
 
 time 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert Po wel. 9 1 
 
 time after this, feeing the fame Methods 
 ufed without Alteration, unlefs for the 
 worfe, they wrote another Letter, to the 
 fame purpofe, which the MefTenger de- 
 liver'd to the Captain himfelf. This put 
 the poor Man into a Tremor for a while ; 
 but at Night, over a humming Bowl of 
 Punch, Mr. Powel made him quite for- 
 get it. Afterwards the Captain of the 
 Lyon , through his fpeaking Trumpet, 
 warns them of a dangerous Rock juft before 
 them, which, Mr. Powel, with all the 
 Sail he could make, fleers full againft, but 
 by Chance, the Current carry'd them on 
 one Side. By and by the Mafier of the 
 Eagle gives Notice, that if they did not 
 keep more to the Windward, they would 
 run on the Quick- fands. Tfye fee, fays 
 Mr. Powel, to his Captain, how. jawcijy 
 they ufe you, and like impertinent ^Dogs, 
 would direB you how to fail, they certainly 
 were in the Tlot with your Lieutenant ; and 
 away he fleers directly to the Sands, but 
 it being high Spring-Tide, he rode over 
 them. A fhort time after, a Fleet of the 
 Enemies appear'd, but feeing thefe three 
 Ships, they made off; however, being bad 
 Sailors, they were foon over- taken ; and 
 juft as the Fight was to have begun, and 
 the new Lieutenant of the eAlbion was 
 making a Buftle to get his Sword, which, 
 by Order, was lock'd up from him ; Mr. 
 
 Pow- 
 
9 2 The Hiftory of Robert PoweL 
 
 Powel fteer'd quite away, and left the 
 Eagle and the Lyon in the Lurch, to grap- 
 ple with a very great Majority. Pox 
 take tbem, fays he, let them fight by them- 
 felves ; fince they love fighting [o well, let 
 them even take their Bellies full of it, IajJ'ure- 
 you, noble Captain, the only way to get rid 
 of your Enemies, is not to -provoke them, not 
 to fight them ; but leave that to difcontented 
 *BuUies. And thus he made the Captain, 
 fhamefully, treacheroufly, and fcanda- 
 louflv abandon his true and old Friends. 
 Oh! unaccountable Folly, and bafe Ingra- 
 titude! Burfoon repaid by Divine Ven- 
 geance : For as they were making all Sail 
 poffible to Tactepeitheia, whether they were 
 bound, they ftruck upon a Quick-fand ; 
 which, as Toon as Mr. Powel perceiv'd, 
 he efcaped with his Crew, at one of the 
 Vortholes, and made the beft of his way. 
 The Sailors now feeing themfelves deferted 
 by thofe, who had drawn them into all 
 this Trouble, began to open their Eyes ; 
 and the Captain forthwith fent for his old 
 Lieutenant, who after having a little 
 remonft rated the Danger, advifed him to 
 prepare for another World ; upon which 
 the Captain began to weep, lament, and 
 tear his Hair, like a perfect Woman ; and 
 now the Chaplain was called for to fay 
 Prayers, but he could not be found ; For as 
 the Clergy are always careful of themfelves, 
 
 Luper- 
 
The Bifiory of Robert Powel . 9 3 
 
 Lupercus was fled away with his Friend 
 Powel. In the midft of thefe Straits, the 
 Lyon and Eagle came up, having been 
 mauPd by their Enemies, whom the Trea- 
 chery of the Albion had made too ftrong 
 for them. Thefe Ships in their Flight 
 hearing Guns of Diftrefs, gueft it was the 
 oAlbion, which had, in running away, 
 ft ruck upon the Sands of ' Kjiechtjlmfi;, which 
 the Lyon being the beft Sailor, firft found 
 to be true. As foon then as the Eagle 
 came up, by Help of their Long-boats and 
 VeiTeis, and by emptying her of all Rub- 
 fafh a nd Foreign Luggage, thefe two Ships 
 faved the nAibion, without the Lofs of any 
 one Man, but the poor Captain, who dy'd 
 of the Fright. Thus the lAJ&'wn now tails 
 with as much Honour and Power as ever, 
 and owes her Being to thofe, whom fhe 
 once had lb fhamefully deferred. And 
 therefore, as in Ecclepafles, chap. 10. ver, 
 16. it is fa id, Woe! to thee, Land, when 
 thy Kjng is a Child, and thy Trinces eat in 
 a Morning ! So we may fay, ' Woe ! to thee, 
 4 OShip, when t'^y Captain has no more 
 f Senfethan a Child, and thy Officers are 
 * Sots from Morning unto Evening. 
 
 CHAP- 
 
94 The Hiftory 0/ Robert Powel. 
 
 CHAPTER the Seventh. 
 
 WE left Mr. Powel fome time ago, 
 failing in his long Boat for Tacu- 
 feitheia, by fome calPd, Credulous IJland, 
 whichnowappear'dto them like a great 
 Head, with two monftrous Ears er'eft, not 
 unlike thofe, which you fee upon that 
 Beaft of Gravity, called an Afs. And, as 
 often at Sea, Inland Mountains feem to 
 meet one another ; and as you draw nearer 
 to them, fhrink their Heads, and are not 
 feen at all ; fothefe Ears alter'd by Degrees, 
 and fometimes you faw but one, and by 
 and by the Mountains vanifhing, you faw 
 none at all, and the Promontory by that 
 Means look'd like a round Head, fuch as 
 that of the Bird, facred to Minerva* 
 Thefe things Mr. Powel took a particu- 
 lar Notice of, as lucky Omens of his Suc- 
 cefs in an Ifland, the Difpofitions of whofe 
 People were fo plainly reprefented to him 
 already. 
 
 It was not long before they arrived at 
 the Haven of Oreja, where, as foon as they 
 came to Land, they received wonderful 
 Civilities, and in requital, told them as 
 
 wonderful Stories How that their Ship 
 
 was funk, and they themfelves like to 
 have perifh'd by Hunger, having been a 
 
 Fort- 
 
The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 9 5 
 
 Fortnight in the Long-boat without Pro- 
 vifions, when a happy Wave caft themon- 
 that Shore. The Maamnis (for that is the 
 Name of the Inhabitants of Orejd) being 
 a long ear'd People, believ'd their Tale* 
 and pitying their Misfortune, immediately 
 fell to making them Prefents to fupply 
 their Wants, and repair their LofTes ; fo 
 that while they ftay'd there, they were 
 ador'd by thefe GuUs, who little thought 
 what Pagods they worshipped. 
 
 It happen'd about that time, that the 
 Lady of the Mannor of Ore] a, the Lady 
 Hilela by Name, had an Occafion to take 
 a Journey to Otiplis^ the Metropolis of 
 Tacufeitheia ; and fhe being a charitable 
 good Woman, and hearing that thefe 
 Strangers were bound thither, fends 
 Word to Mr. Powel, and the reft of his 
 Companions, that if he, and one Friend 
 more, would accept of Places in her 
 Coach, fhe fhould be glad of their Com- 
 pany. This kind Offer was foon accepted 
 of by him, who never let flip an Opportu- 
 nity of gratifying himfelf in his Life ; and 
 having hired Horfes for the reft of his 
 Gang, he went the next Morning, with 
 his chief Crony, Venerio, to wait on 
 the Lady Hilela. They had not travel- 
 led many Miles together, before the Lady 
 and Mr Powel grew very well acquaint- 
 ed ; (for the Truth is, Mr. Powel knew 
 
 to 
 
96 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 to a Nicety, how to captivate a fimple 
 
 Woman) Well he foon found that the 
 
 Lady had large Ears, and knowing that 
 thofe who are endowed with fuch, love to 
 be tickled there; he did not fail of ufing 
 fuch Difcourfes, as pleas'd her extreamly. 
 Befides, he obferved, that her Maid (a 
 Slut, who had gotten the Lady's blind 
 Side) when fhe began to nod, officioufly 
 tickled her Ear, and then pulPd out her 
 Viaticum, or travelling Bottle, and upon 
 a Sip of it, the Lady grew as fprightly as 
 ever. This put Mr. P >vel upon a Pro- 
 ject of counting the Maid, who, he law, 
 fo abfolutely govern'd her Miftrefs; and 
 having an Opportunity at Night, he got 
 her good Will, and ever afterwards fhe 
 Was at his Devotion; For Chambermaids 
 
 are eafilywon The next Day, who fo 
 
 great as the Ladv H L£LA,and Mr. Pow- 
 xl ? For her Lachfhip had now a mighty 
 Value for him, having been harangu'd a 
 great part of the Ni^ht by her Maid in 
 his Favour. The old Lady then breaking 
 t Silence, cries, 4 Dear Sir, how happy was 
 
 * I to meet with luch a Fellow-Traveller, 
 
 * had it not been for you, I had dy'd of 
 
 * the Spleen, and the Tedioufhefs of the 
 
 * Journey ; and then pulling out a Bottle 
 of Milleflew, fhe fays, Sir, will you 
 
 1 pleafe to drink any of mv Liquor here — 
 
 * O dear, my Lady (fays Gu.anv di 
 
 ' OKiijA, 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powel. 97 
 c Oreja, the Wairincr- woman J I afTure 
 i ymir Ladvfhip, the Gentleman is a Cri- 
 ' tick in Cordials, and I am fatisfv'd, he 
 
 * cannot bur approve of yours, whi:h is 
 
 * fo good. Forthwith the Bottle walk'd 
 its Rounds, till ir began to be at low Ebb, 
 Mr. Powel, and Venerio, by Turns, 
 commending the Eleganre of the Tafre— 
 This brought on a long Debate about 
 Cordials, one being tor Citron, another 
 for Ratafia ; but they all acknowledg'd 
 my Lady's Millefteur to be beyond both. 
 In the midftof this Difcourfe, Mr. Powel 
 whips in a Viol of a pleafant Liquor, call'd 
 in his Country 'Dallineb, it's very ftrong, 
 and extracted from a Hebrew Root, nam'd 
 'Biltbi-adijab. Upon his recorniflendjing 
 it, Gusana di Oreta, and then her Mi- 
 ftrefs, took a large Dofeof it. The Virtue 
 of this Liquor was, that it took away ail 
 your difcerning Faculties ; and in the ftead 
 of it, left you nothing but an Opinio i of 
 your own Self luificiency. The Effects 
 of this Liquor, the poor Lady Hit el a 
 foon felt; and having tfoft all tru Particles 
 of Scale, which before inhabited her Brainy 
 fhe now perfectly doatecl upon Mr* 
 Powel — — It now cane into his Head, 
 that he wou'd drive the Coach, which he 
 immediately acquainted* Gils aha- with^ 
 Upon t ha r, (he did ill that lay in her 
 Power, to ineenfe hchLady agai^ft her 
 
 O oU 
 
98 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 old trufty Coachman, who had always 
 driven her very fafe, and never broken 
 the way to any other Traveller, nor faiPd 
 of keeping her Horfes in the beft Order—* 
 In fhort, he was thought the moft experi- 
 enced Coachman, and careful Servant, that 
 
 ever fat in a Box * 'But what fignifies 
 
 Merits or (aft Services, to a Hind Woman, 
 and an ungrateful Chamber-Maid! The 
 
 next little Stone that jolted the Coach ■ 
 
 the Maid cries ■ ' Oh ! my dear ho- 
 
 * nour'd Lady, do you fee how John 
 i drives ? This he does on purpofe to af- 
 1 front your Ladyfhip ; if you don't dif- 
 
 * card him, he will kill you before you 
 
 * come to your Journey's End Ay, 
 
 i fays Mr. Powel, he does it with that 
 4 Defign ; and when he has broke your 
 1 Ladyfbip's Neck, this Fellow will kt 
 c up for a Lady Hilela. The Lady 
 frighted at her Coachman's Ambition, bids 
 him come down, for fhe had no farther 
 Occafion for his Service. John defcends 
 very dutifully, thanks his Lady, and 
 trudges home to his Wife and Children. 
 And then, by the faithful Gusana's Ad- 
 vice, Mr. Powel mounts in hh Room. 
 It will not be improper here to tell you, 
 that John had drove them very well 
 all the way, and was difcarded mofr ri- 
 diculoufly, within three Miles of their 
 Journey's End. But the Change is made, 
 
 and 
 
The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 99 
 
 and as all rafh and inconfiderate Actions 
 have their proper Confequences, fo Mr. 
 Powel had not driven them above half a 
 Mile, before he over-turn'd the Coach, 
 broke it almoft to pieces, and bruifed the 
 old Lady at fo miferable a rate, that her 
 Recovery was defpair'dof. Mr. Powel, 
 and his Friend VENERio,happen'd juftat 
 that time to be over-taken by two of their 
 Companions, who took them up behind, 
 and fo gallop'd on towards Otipolis, to 
 avoid the Rage of the Country-Mob, who 
 were rifing up in Arms, to revenge the 
 Death of their Lady, on her AfTaffins. 
 
 G 2 CHAP- 
 
 ^ 
 
ioo ThcHiftorjof Robert Pcwel. 
 CHAPTER the Eighth. 
 
 Aving now brought Mr. Powei, to 
 the End of his Voyage, I muft leave 
 Tin a while, to inform my Reader of the 
 Government, Laws, Cuftoms, and Re- 
 ligion of the Inhabitants of Otipolis, which 
 I Than" endeavour to perform wirfi the ut- 
 rnoft Brevky. 
 
 And firft, aS to their Government, tho' 
 Psalmanaaza^ tells you, that it is Arbi* 
 
 trarv, and the Lord knows what I 
 
 do affirm, that it was like that of all other 
 free States, which are ruled by their known 
 and eftablifh'd Laws. 
 
 Palling over the Cuftoms of the Coun- 
 try, I fhall confine my felf wholly to the 
 City ofOtifolis, which wasgovern'd by a 
 Lord Major, Court of oAlderwa?, mid Com- 
 mon Council. Now as we in London have 
 a great Horfe for our Lord Major to ride on, 
 fo here was kept a huge Mule for the fame 
 purpoie. This Mule was accounted the 
 very palladium of the City ; for it was 
 obfeiVd, that whoever had the Pofleflion 
 of it, was fure of Succefs,; therefore it was 
 in high Efteem, and kept very choice. 
 Befides, there went a Prophecy, that as 
 long as the Qtiplians had the full PoiTef- 
 
 fion 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert PoweL i o i 
 
 fion of this Mule j their Enemies, the 
 Megalatichians , fhould never overcome 
 them. But more of this hereafter. 
 
 Their Laws were infome Meafure like 
 ours, though they dirTer'd much in Form 
 and Practice. We have Attornies, Solli- 
 citors, and Council, fo have they; we 
 have Judges, and fo have they ; as we have 
 notable Juries, fo have they. But then 
 the Method of Proceeding is vaftly vari- 
 ous ; for there let a Caufe be ever fo right, 
 or wrong, it fignified nothing, it went al- 
 ways for the richeft, and moft mony'd 
 
 Man Now becaufe my Reader may 
 
 perhaps be an ingenious Student of the 
 Temple, or of Lincolns Inn, Grays Inn, 
 Serjeants Inn, New bin, Lions Inn, Cle- 
 ments Inn, or of Thavies hm, or of any o- 
 ther Inn, where Pracl:icers of the Law 
 refort — — I will here give him. as honeft 
 an Account of the Proceedings in the Tacu- 
 feitheian Law as I am able/ At the Weft 
 End of the Town, ftands a v a ft Pile of 
 old Building, not unlike iVe/hunfter-HciU 
 
 • In this Building are erected the Cmrts 
 
 of Juftice. In each Court, is hung a huge 
 Pair of Scales, and on the Table in die 
 Middle, are laid feveral Wands and Sricks, 
 in Form, refembling our Excije-mens 
 
 Gauging-Stafts Now when a Suit 
 
 commences, the Tlaintiff, or Tlaintifs, 
 
 Defendant, or Defendant s y arefummon'd 
 
 G 3 into 
 
i en The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 
 
 into Court, where each produces his Turfe, 
 or Turfes, which are gauged by the ex- 
 pert Lawyers ; and then laid the one a- 
 gainft the other, in two oppofite Scales, 
 and that, or thofe, Purje or Turfes, which 
 is, or are wideft, deeper!:, and neavieft, 
 carries the Verdi ft or VerdiBs. For the 
 Jury-men are fworn by God Plutus, to 
 make a faithful Report to the Judge, of 
 the Weight and Meafure ; and he fitting 
 blindfold, as Juftice fhould do, pronoun- 
 ces the decifive Sentence, which the Par- 
 ties certainly muft abide by, till "Plaintiff 
 or Plaintiffs, Defendant or "Defendants, 
 bring other Purfe or Purfes, to weigh a- 
 gainft each other again ; which faid Pur- 
 fes are faithfully re-deliver'd to the Owner 
 or Owners, after the Money is cleanly ta- 
 ken out, and diftributed among the Law- 
 yers, as a Recompence for their great 
 Trouble. 
 
 And fince I have gone thus far in de- 
 fcribing the Law-Proceedings in the Tacti- 
 feitheian or Otifolian Courts of Juftice ; 
 for the Benefit of any, who fhall have a 
 Mind to practife in the faid Courts, I will 
 fct down fome of their moft material 
 Terms of Law, with their proper Signi- 
 fications. 
 
 OTIt 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powel. 103 
 
 Otipolian Law-Terms Explain d. 
 
 Judgment on an AN unfathomable 
 Appeal •** Purje. 
 
 A Common Ver- A Turfe fomething kn- 
 
 di6t ■ get than the Anta- 
 
 gonifts. 
 
 A Non Suit > A Turfe fomething lefs. 
 
 A Demurrer - — <— qA Purje of equal Size 
 
 with your eAntago- 
 nifts, 
 Caufa Peffima < — ■ qA very fmall Purfe. 
 Caufa fine qua non qA Purfefull of Money. 
 Audita Querela— qA reflenijtfd Purje. 
 
 A Premunire <A Turfe with the 
 
 Strings hard tied. 
 
 A Reference When Purfes on both 
 
 fides are empty. 
 
 Amendment Tutting more Money in 
 
 your Purfe. 
 Apertum Murdrum To cheat a Lawyer of 
 
 his Fee. 
 
 Afrefh Suit A Second Turfe. 
 
 Non Compos Men- ^4 Man at Law. 
 
 tis 
 
 Superfedeas Frefi Fees. 
 
 Probatio <A large Fee. 
 
 Scire facias ■ A Rich Tlaintiff. 
 
 Scandalum Magna- True Evidence. 
 
 turn — 
 
 G 4 Nihil 
 
£04. The Hiffory of Robert Powel; 
 
 Otipolian Law-Terms Explain d. 
 
 Nihil dicit - A Hand without a Fee. 
 
 A Default A [mall Fee. 
 
 Distringas ■ 'Dues of the Court, 
 
 Duces tecum Money or Bills, 
 
 Efcapium oAvoiding the Law, 
 
 pftoppel ■ qA 'Bank Note, 
 
 j i.dwit — Empty Coffers, 
 
 Green wax Sweepings of the Court, 
 
 JIa hxas Corpus — When there is no Money, 
 
 h deketor oA Deaf Evidence. 
 
 Jeofaile &■ Replead little Fee mended 
 
 der 1 ■ with a great one, 
 
 Hondfangenetheif-- <An Attorney \r Bill juft 
 
 paid* 
 
 Ignoramus oA Country Fore-man, 
 
 In forma Pauperis— &4 Suit out at Elbows. 
 Non fum Informa- The T/ea of an unfeed 
 
 tus ' ; ^Attorney. 
 
 Male-faifance "Buttoning up your Poc- 
 kets. 
 Lidford Law — - What they try Gene- 
 rals by. 
 Non eft Culpabilis One that has paid all 
 
 Fees. 
 Non eft Factum — cA Divorce, 
 
 Bona fide . aA Man bound over 
 
 without Securities. 
 frece Partium — ; Two Fools at Law, 
 
 Quan- 
 
The UlBory of Robert Powel. 105 
 
 Otipolian Law-Terms Explaind. 
 
 fa G allows, 
 
 1 JVreaths of 
 Quantum meruit— Sometimes* i awre j 
 
 [a Fools Coat 
 Refcous - — A Comfofition. 
 
 Supplicavit eA Parchment "Doublet. 
 
 Averiacapta mWl- Rakes taken in "Bed 
 
 thernam with other Mens 
 
 Wives, 
 
 By-Laws "Bribes to Jufiice $f 
 
 Peaces Clerks. 
 Unreafonable Cu- To get more by the Law 
 
 from ■ than pur CounfeL 
 
 Continuance of a ©4 very deep Turfe. 
 
 Suit — -~ — - 
 
 Diftrefs' Want of Money. 
 
 Honour and Words of Course 
 
 Conscience — in Treaties. 
 JuftifiGationinSlan-T/to a Man is out of 
 
 der ■ Employment. 
 
 Rem in Re ■ a/1 Man in Prifan. 
 
 Thefe are fbme of the Otifolians mod 
 material Law- Terms, and if any Perfon 
 defires a farther Information, I refer him 
 to a Book which will be fpeedily publifrYd, 
 cail'd thzTacupeitbeian T>oclor and Student r 
 which is upon the point of being now 
 
 fininYd 
 
106 The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 finifh'd, by one who formerly was a Tien- 
 cher in the City cf Otifolis y who earnestly 
 intreated me to publifh this Specimen, to 
 help forward the Sale of his Book. Now 
 as the Senfe of this Law, and the Method 
 of Proceeding in it, will appear mighty 
 furprizing to my Englifh Reader ; fo will 
 the Recital of their Cuftoms, which differ 
 prodigioufly, according to the feveral Parts 
 of this their City. In one part of the Town 
 it is a Token of Grandeur and Honour to 
 wear a Chain ; in another 'tis a Mj i b of 
 Infamy and Guilt. In one part, to ride 
 on a Horfe is a Sign of Authority ; in a- 
 nother 'tis a Punifhment, and a fhrewd 
 Sign that a Man is under Difcipline. In 
 one place a Curtefan iscarefs'd and fondled ; 
 in another the poor kind She is unfufferably 
 whipt, and forced to manufacture that 
 which is a Remedy for all Diftempers, and 
 which even fhe her felf in time may come 
 to make ufe of. Atone End of the Town 
 Women are like Men, and Men like Brutes* 
 at another, Men are like Women, and Wo- 
 men like Angels. Look about, and in one 
 place a Rofe is a Sign of a Tavern or Baw- 
 dy-houfe ; in another, a formal Token of 
 found Learning and deep Divinity. (Wo ! 
 unto the Time, when thefe two Rofes 
 fhall meet, for then verily the Church wiU 
 he in danger.) Sometimes a roaring Bull 
 and open Mouth notifies that there is hard 
 
 by 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert PoweL 1 07 
 
 by a filent Meeting ; fometimes, that you 
 may be entertain'd with that genteel and 
 fonorous Sport called Bull-baiting. In fome 
 places horned Cattle are knock'd on the 
 head ; in others they are reverenced. Here 
 they fhut up Madmen, there Rogues and 
 Vagabonds, and in a third place they con- 
 fine the honefteft of Men, and all accord- 
 ing to Cuftom. Here Rogues and Tray- 
 tors are hanged, there they ride in State, 
 and are even worfhipped by the Execu- 
 tioner ; and here it is that petty Raskals 
 are punifh'd for fmall Faults, while great 
 Villains are promoted and applauded for 
 the moft flagrant Crimes. 
 
 The Inhabitants of Otifolis are as vari- 
 ous as their Cuftom s ; only in this they all 
 agree, to wit, in being felf-interefted , 
 credulous, and bigotted to their Deceivers. 
 The more improbable a Story is, the more 
 firmly they believe it, and the greater a 
 Lie is, the more the Liar fhall be efteemM 
 and credited. This makes Jugglers in 
 great Requeft there ; and I am informed, 
 that the managing the Cup and Balls, and 
 fuch Dexterities, have been accounted the 
 fitted Qualification for a Trime Minifter of 
 
 State, in this Country. This, without 
 
 a true Knowledge of their prodigious Igno- 
 rance, may look like a Fable ; but I am 
 fatisfied of the Truth of it, by the beffc 
 Jiands And indeed the more Opportu- 
 nities 
 
1 o8 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 nkies a Maamin has of being well inftruft- 
 
 ed, the lefs he is fo. Has any one there 
 
 a good Eft ate, whereby the Neceflity of 
 daily Labour is taken off, and he left at 
 
 leifure to cultivate his Mind Inftead of 
 
 applying himfelf to Learnings you fhall be 
 fure to find that Perfon flinging away his 
 Hours and Conftitution at the Tavern, 
 Gaming-houfe or Stews. And the greater 
 the Eftate is, the higher the Ottyolian is 
 above Learning. 
 
 Infelix qui paucafapit, ppernitque doceri ! 
 
 Such an one is ever furrounded with Syco- 
 phants, and bafe Flatterers, who like Lice 
 tickle him while they reed on him. But 
 this profound Stupidity is in a great mea^ 
 fure owing to the Bonzees (for fo the 
 Priefts of this Country are called ) who 
 think that the hail Knowledge in a Layman 
 is an Invafion on their property, and fear, 
 that if the Laity fhou'd once come to have 
 common Senfe, they wou'd fcarce main- 
 tain their Priejtsin a State of Luxury and 
 ldlenefs, or permit them any longer to 
 carry their Hearers to Market like Sheep 
 to be fold. Upon this fcore, at Pexowaert, 
 which is their Univerfity, there are fcarce 
 the Footfteps of Erudition left. The origi- 
 nal Defign of founding that Place, was for 
 the Inftruction of young Gentlemen in Lo- 
 
 gick, 
 
The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 1 09 
 
 gick, Phyficks, Ethicks, Divinity, Law, 
 and all other noble Arts and Sciences ; but 
 inftead of thefe, now Smoaking, Drink- 
 ing, and Whoring, a re the reigning Studies 
 there, in which the 'Bonzees themfelves 
 are as affiduous as their Difciples. They 
 teach them indeed a Set of Principles, 
 which, if they have a Grain of Senfe, 
 they mufr no fooner examine than reject 
 The firft Virtue they preach up, is to obey 
 their 'Bonzee implicitly in every thing ; 
 and accordingly, lew dare fay their Souls 
 are their own, unlefs one of thefe gives 
 feim leave. Nor is it ftrange, that this 
 blind Compliance to Priefts fhould prevail 
 among the ignorant Otifolians, when it 
 was fo remarkable in the polite Republick 
 of Rome, whofe Inhabitants never under- 
 took any thing without firft confulting the 
 Sacred Order ; but then at Rome fquite the 
 Reverfe of what was done at 0*ipo/i*) no 
 one was made a Prieft, but fi ; ch as they 
 knew was a true Friend to their Conftitu- 
 tion and Government. It will be expected 
 before I end this Chapter, that I fhould 
 give you fome Account of the Religion of 
 this Nation, for the Benefit of thofe wor- 
 thy Divines, who mav be willing to leave 
 their fat 'Dignities and Cures here, in order 
 to eftablifh the Protcftant Faith in this 
 •Credulous Ijh.nd y where they rtjay have fuch 
 f^roipe&s of .Succefs* The Qtipiian Reli- 
 gion 
 
no The Hiftoryof Robert Powel* 
 
 gion then is entirely Pagan, andconfiftsof 
 various Rites and Ceremonies. 
 
 Very few People in England, efpecially 
 thofe who inhabit in or near the Strand, 
 but may have a juft Notion of it ; their A- 
 doration, in fhort, is all paid to a Maypole, 
 not unlike that which is dreft up every 
 May-day by our Country Rufticks. This 
 Cuftom, even among our felves, is allow'd 
 to be Pagan, totally derived from our Hea- 
 then Anceftors, who eftablifh'd it in honour 
 of the Goddefs Maia. Now the Maamins 
 or Otipolians have no Religion butfuch a 
 Maypole ; and yet what is ftrangeft, they 
 keep more Noife and Clutter, and quarrel 
 more about it, than all the Tagan World 
 befides, tho' they worfhip a thoufand more 
 Gods than the long-ear'd Otipolians. Nay 
 they all agree in worfhipping and dancing 
 round the Maypole,but are divided into Seels 
 about dreffing it up, and other petty Diffe- 
 rences not worth naming. One Party is 
 for loading the old Maypole to that degree, 
 that it wou'd look more like a Mountain of 
 Flowers than a Maypole, and this by con- 
 tinually heaping on new flowers, without 
 taking off the lean: wither'd Leaf of the old 
 ones. Another Party is for taking all the 
 wither'd Rubbifh off, anddreffingitneat, 
 fo that you may not only fee the Flowers^ 
 but the Maypole too. A third fort are for 
 having no Flowers at all, thinking, that 
 
 as 
 
The Hijlory of 'Robert Powel. 1 1 1 
 
 as good Wine heeds no Bufb, fo a good 
 Maypole needs no Garland to fet it off; 
 and that as a great deal of Garnifh does 
 but incumber a Difh of Meat, and very 
 often flipping into the Sauce, fpoils it ; fo 
 a great Variety of Ornaments hung about 
 the Maypole does but adulterate their Re- 
 ligion. And ! as they differ about the 
 manner of drefling up their Maypole, fo do 
 they about the Manner of worfhipping it. 
 It's true they all agree in Dancing, which 
 is the main Point ; but fome, be the Wea- 
 ther ever fo cold, -will dance in their Shirts, 
 and have a Bagpipe play briskly to them 
 moft of the Time. Others again, as if it 
 were for Contradiction-fake , tho' in the 
 Middle of the Dog-days, will dance in 
 great Cloaks, without one Semiquaver to 
 cheer up their fuitry and finking Spirits. 
 Thefe little Distentions in Opinion fet them 
 at fuch a variance, that unlefs the Laws 
 reftrain'd them, they wou'd foon knock 
 one anothers little Stock of Brains out. 
 The Ttonzees, who are the Priefts of the 
 Maypole, are the mofl: violent, and they 
 differ among themfelves, not fo much a- 
 bout the Drefs of the Maypole, as about a 
 Weathercock, which {rands on the Top, to 
 fliew which way the Wind blows. The 
 maddeft ofthe c Bo#;s^J-arefbr taking that 
 down, and placing in its ftead a Great 
 Goofe, which they would fend for from the 
 
 Capiiol 
 
1 1 1 The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 
 
 Capitol of Rome> and which they fay will 
 Jhew which way the Wind fits much bet- 
 ter. Others, who are moft moderate, are 
 for keeping the Weathercock where it is, 
 alledging, that it has not fail'd to fhew the 
 Wind ever fince it was placed there, which 
 is two hundred Years ago; therefore they 
 are againft putting on a heavy Goofe in the 
 room of it, whofe Weight may perhaps 
 break down their antient Mayple* There 
 are other Honzees, and thofe not a few, 
 who being neither for the Weathercock nor 
 Goofe y would fain fit on the Top of the 
 Mayfole themselves.-— But this Project 
 is fowild, that they dare not openly avow 
 it, for fear of being clapt up in a dark 
 Room with fome clean Straw ; a Place 
 too good for fuch ambitious Madmen. 
 
 &msG3esm^0smsa<3«SGJ es>&»3Gse©0GJ 
 
 CHAP. 
 
The History of Robert Powel. 1 1 3 
 CHAPTER the Ninth. 
 
 AN D now we return to Mr. Po wei ,' 
 who is by this time arrived with all 
 his Companions fafe at the City of Otipolis ; 
 and coming in at the Weft End of the 
 Town, he fets up at a very great Inn, the 
 Sign of which, they fay, was the Thiftle 
 and Crown, The Landlord was a very 
 plain Man, and as he himfelf was exceeding 
 honeft, fo he hated Tricking and Knavery. 
 At this Place Mr. Powel continued fome 
 time without doing much Mifchief. It is 
 true he would often, according to his lau- 
 dable Cuftom, play fome little fly Pranks ; 
 but the Landlord thinking him honeft in 
 the main, paft all thefe Peccadillo's over. 
 At laft Honeft William, the Landlord, 
 found him out, and was going to turn him 
 away, had not the cold Hand of Death 
 prevented him on a fudden, 
 
 On William's Deceafe, his Sifter took 
 
 the Care of the Inn upon her She was 
 
 a very good Woman, but had not bv a 
 great deal fo much Infightas i^rBrother, 
 which gave Mr. Powel greater Opportu- 
 nities of accomplifhing his pernicious De- 
 figns, 
 
 n No 
 
114. The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 No fooner had my new Landlady fettled 
 the Affairs of the Houfe, but Mr. Powel, 
 through the Means of the Bar-keeper, 
 whom he had wheedled into a Friendfhip 
 for him, was crept into her Favour ; fo 
 that when the Houfe was empty, they ufed 
 to drink a Bottle together. In fhort, fuch 
 Amity there was between them, that fhe 
 never undertook any thing without Mr. 
 Pow i l's Advice. All Servants were taken 
 or difmifs'd, all VefTels tap'd, or Drink 
 br w'd, as he directed. In fhort, he was 
 the infallible Oracle that guided everything 
 in rliis Inn, which by his Means foon fell 
 i ito Diforder and Confufion. At laftthe 
 Sign did not pleafe him, and finding the 
 Landlady unwilling to pull it down, he 
 harangued her thus : ( Madam, had I not 
 1 the greateft Refpecl for you of any Man 
 
 * living, I fhould have held my Peace ■ 
 
 4 But when your Interefr is fo much at my 
 4 hearty and I perceive your Sign to be 
 
 * fo detrimental to your Bufmefs, I cannot 
 
 * but imploy all my Rhetorick to perfwade 
 ' you to pull it down. The whole World, 
 c Madam, is a Sign, we all live by Signs, 
 c and he that has a "Bad one can never 
 4 thrive. Does not the Courtier \iv& 
 ' by the Sign of Sincerity ? the Citi- 
 
 * zen by the Sign of Uprightnefs ? the 
 
 * Tradefman by the Sign of fair Dealing? 
 4 the Lawyer by the Sign of Juftice ? the 
 
The Hiftory of Robert Poweh 1 1 5 
 
 Phyfician by the Sign of Ability ? and the 
 Prieft by the Sign of Religion ? Shou'd 
 they but paint Tricking, Hyfocrify, Coze- 
 nage, Ignorance, Quackery, oAxheifm and 
 'Debauchery over their 'Doors ; Jove have 
 Mercy on them ! they wou'd be as much 
 avoided, as a Houfe that has written 0- 
 ver it, Here is the Plague. 
 * ¥our Sign is the Thiftle and Crown, but 
 why a Thiftle, Good Madam? ArTes 
 love Thiftles, wou'd you have AfTes only 
 for your Cuftomers ? I know you wou'd 
 not ; then why a Thiftle? — —africkly 
 
 Weed Ah, Madam ! blot it out as a 
 
 Shame to your Sign, and fince you wou'd 
 have a prickly thing, take a Rofe, a Flower 
 which pleafes both Sight and Smell. Be- 
 (ides, is not the Rofe an ornamental Part 
 of your Mayfole, and th.er.fore of your 
 Religion too ? And do not the TSonzees, 
 in imitation of this Maypole, flick their 
 Turbants round with Flowers ; nay with 
 this very Flower ? Believe me, Madam, 
 a large Rofe ftuck in a Turbant is a cer- 
 tain Sign of a Religious "Bonzee, and of- 
 ten the only Sign that diftinguifhes him 
 to be fo — Then ufe my Advice for once ; 
 take down your Sign, and paint the 
 blooming Rofe ; you cannot mifs of the 
 Cuftom of all true Pagans, who have 
 any Value for an Orthodox Sign, 
 
 H 2 My 
 
1 1 6 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 My Landlady, now convinced, pulPd 
 down her &«*, blorted out the Thiftle, 
 and in its Head painted the Roj'e: This plea- 
 ted fome, difpleafed others, and made a 
 t! id fort thi.ik her crazv. But fo it hap- 
 
 :'J, that by it floe loft all her old Cufto- 
 rj.ers • for the}' having long Ears, and be- 
 ing pretty much of the Afs-kind, were 
 
 at-ly affronted at having their beloved 
 blotted out. My Landlady how- 
 
 : had in their room Tom e of the moil 
 
 liag, fotting, drinking Cuftomers in the 
 
 whole City 1 mean the f Bopzpes > who 
 
 tho' they look'd Reverend, Godly and So- 
 ber, yet love dearly (under the Rofe) to 
 ib.ik and. fuddle their Nofes in a Glafs of 
 good Wine. But at the End of the Year, 
 when the good Woman came to call: up 
 her Accounts, fhe found her felf in a fan- 
 way towards Ruin by thefe new Guefts. 
 For tho' they drank liberally , t they always 
 fou id one Shift or other not*-to clear their 
 Score, and at la it comhin'd together not to 
 pay her one Farthing, unlefs flie wou'd 
 give them Security, that none but \Bonzees, 
 or whom they introduced, fhou'd have one 
 Drop of her Wine, or even be admitted 
 within her Doors. This mad and unjuft. 
 Proceeding, made her regret the Lofs of 
 her old Cuftomers ; and therefore after ha- 
 ving warned away the'Bovzees, and their 
 Companions, (lie blotted out the Rofe, and 
 
 a gam 
 
The HisioYy 0/ Robert Powej. 1 1 7 
 
 again painted the Thiftk. This foon 
 brought her old Friends about her again, 
 who immediately made her grow very 
 rich, by paying all their Reckonings be- 
 fore-hand. In fhort, the good Landlady 
 was fo overftock'd with Money in a fhort 
 time, that it perfectly burnt in her Poc- 
 kets. But farther, thefe Cttflomer s y to per- 
 fwade her how different their Temper was 
 from that of the perfecuting Bonzees, and 
 that they were willing to do her all man- 
 ner of Service, defired her to paint a Rofe 
 and a Thiftk together upon the fame67g^, 
 which fhe did and according to Ex- 
 pectation a good Trade enfued, and fhe 
 began to be the Credit of her Profeffion, 
 and the Envy of her Neighbours. But 
 alas ! what mortal Glory has not its Pe- 
 riod ? My Landlady, as Riches flow'd in, 
 began to forget' her former Errors, and 
 Mr, Powel, Who had been out of favour 
 on account of his ill Advice, was private- 
 ly, by means of his trufty Wench the 'Bar- 
 keeper, brought more into her good Gra- 
 ces than ever. He nofconer was in play, 
 than he psrfwaded the good Old Woman, 
 that the Thiftk was not well painted, and 
 had it new drawn, but fo like a Roje, 
 you could not know the one from the other, 
 and writes over it, This is the T/oiftk, 
 This paft upon the. long-ear'd Cuitomers 
 pretty well \ for the reading what was 
 H $ writ- 
 
1 1 8 The Hiftory 0/ Robert Powel. 
 
 written fully fatisfy'd them. And here I 
 cannot omit an old Story fomething of this 
 nature,of an Inn-Keeper, who had painted 
 an Owl in an Ivy-'Bufh^nd leaf!: it fhould be 
 taken fbr a Reflect ion on King Charles 
 the Second, he writ under it, This is not 
 the Royal Oak. It wou'd bendlefs to re- 
 count what Abfurdities Mr. Powel drew 
 his Landlady into, and how fhe became 
 by it the Jeft and Contempt of all that 
 knew her. But this did not fatisfy Mr. 
 Powel's Ambition, who never cou'd be 
 contented till he had the fole Management. 
 To procure which, he contrived to poifon 
 her, by putting into her Evening's Draught 
 a foporiferous Herb called Necedad, on 
 which the poor Woman went to Bed, and 
 as Jbme think, never after open'd her Eyes. 
 Immediately Mr. Powel and the 'Bar- 
 keeper divided the Spoil, and fell to ma- 
 naging the Houfe, telling their Cuftomers, 
 that their Landlady had the Gout, and 
 cou'd not come down Stairs ; but that they 
 fhou'd be as well ferved, as if fhe were 
 below in the Bar her felf. In the mean 
 time, they poifon'd and adulterated every 
 thing in the Cellar, fo that in a little time 
 the whole Town was in an Uproar, fome 
 died, fome were diffracted, fome had the 
 Head-ach, fome the Heart<ach, fome the 
 Gripes, fome were bound, fome were loofe, 
 fome had the Cholick, fome the Gout, 
 
 fome 
 
The Htftory of Robert Povvel. 1 1 9 
 
 fome the Stone. In fhorf , the People, tho' 
 moft of them none of the wifeft, began to 
 find themfelves miferably impos'd upon, 
 and having affembled themfelves together, 
 they took a Refolution of being revenged 
 upon this Ufurper'Pow e l, who had given 
 them the poifon'd Wine ; and away they 
 march'd directly to the Inn, where when 
 they came (Mr. Powel, Lupercus, and 
 the reft of the Gang being ilipt out at the 
 Back-door) they found none but the Land- 
 lady ftretched out at length on the Bed, 
 whom they cou'd not with all their Art 
 reftore to Life, her Senfes having left her 
 a great while before they came to her Af* 
 fiitance. 
 
 @®®»®:»@@-.®®@@®8f-@@@@@ 
 
 H 4. CHAP- 
 
1 2 o The HiBory of Robert V owel. 
 CHAPTER the Tenth. 
 
 TNa certain Street in Otipolis, a rich Wi- 
 * dow lived in great Reputation with all 
 her Neighbours ; her Riches and good 
 Name, but chiefly the former, brought 
 manv Courtiers to the Houfe, and among 
 the reft, a crafty Old Fellow, -named Per- 
 fidc, a Mercer by Trade, one of a litigi- 
 ous Temper, ever encroaching ; who had 
 by the Largenefs of his Turfe, caft feveral 
 of his Neighbours, after having forcibly 
 ejected them out of their own Houfes ; and 
 by this Practice had gotten a very great 
 Part oftheStreethe lived in, into his PofTef- 
 fion : For when he law a handfom Houfe, 
 he immediately order'd his Servants to 
 break open the Door, and then he himfelf 
 entering, turned out all thofe that he found 
 inhabiting ; nor durft they fue him in an 
 Otifolian Court of Juftice,' knowing that 
 their Purfes cou'd not come in competi- 
 tion with his. Well the Widow's Ri- 
 ches feem'd exceeding defirable to old Per- 
 fido, and refolv'd he was, that if he cou'd 
 not by fair, he wou'd enjoy them by foul 
 Means ; but the Widow perceiving his De- 
 fign, foon dif;arded this mercenary Lover. 
 In Revenge, Perbido trumps up a fham 
 
 Title, 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powel. 1 2 1 
 
 Title, and fends a fret ended Owner to 
 take Poffeffion of her Houfe, but to no 
 purpofe. Sometime before this, a Neigh- 
 bour dying, and the next Heir not being 
 then in Town, Perfido broke into the 
 Houfe and Gardens, and has ever fince 
 kept Poffeffion by his Bayliff, of all, but 
 one Farm, the Tenants of which refufe 
 to atturn. Not contented with this, 
 the old Rogue alfo gets into a Backfide, 
 which belong'd toVANHERRixcK, a Fifh- 
 monger, and feiz'd all his back 'Buildings 
 and Ware-houfes* and had come into the 
 Dwelling-houfe it felf, had not Vanher- 
 rinck, by his ftoutRefi (lance, prevented 
 it. The Widow, whofe Houfe was next 
 to Vanherrinck's, being fufficiently 
 provoked by Perfido's trumping up a 
 fham Title to her Eftate, and fearing to 
 have fuch a troublefome Neighbour, fent 
 her Servants,whoaffifringVANHERRiNCK, 
 recover'd for him his Backfide and Ware- 
 houfes inftantly. This remarkable piece 
 of Service work'd very considerably upon 
 the Fiflmionger, who fa i I'd not to exprefs 
 daily his grateful Senfe of the Widow's 
 Relief. This Gratitude foon grew up to a 
 great Friendfhip, and that Friendfhip into 
 Love, with which poor Vanherrinck 
 was violently feiz'd, and began to fee in 
 his Female Neighbour thoufands of 
 Charms altogether invifible to every body 
 
 elfe 
 
in The Hi&ory oj Robert Powel. 
 
 elfe— Now Vanherrinck, as to his 
 Perfon, was not very captivating, being a 
 thick, clumfy made Man, oneofaclown- 
 ifh rough Carriage, a flovenlyAfpe£t, and 
 a very odd Gait ; for when he walk'd, he 
 either fwing'd his Hands, as if he was 
 rowing a Boat, or held them in his Pock- 
 ets. His Doublet was commonly greazy, 
 and lined with poo" John ; his Trowfers 
 or Breeches, whole Infide was dry'd Cod, 
 were of an immenfe Size, for V - nher- 
 rinck's Pofteriors were the largeft that 
 ever were ieen, and rather bigger than the 
 reft of the Man, which made the Wags 
 
 fay, as he walk'd the Street There goes 
 
 an oArfe of a Fellow However Van- 
 herrinck took no notice of fuch Jeers, 
 and inftead of being afham'd of his Pofte- 
 riors, valued himfelf upon them, calling 
 them his Netherlands. He was a very 
 great Manager, and wou'd put Pitch and 
 Tar in his Travelling Shoes, in order to 
 keep out the Wet; however, he was a 
 fenfible Man, a very good Neighbour, and 
 a rich Trader. And being now in Love, 
 he fpruced himfelf up like a Country 
 Bumpkin, on a Revel Day, and fo habi- 
 ted, he went to vifit his Miftrefs the Widow, 
 who gave him fo kind a Reception, that 
 never Courtier had a fairer Profpecl: than 
 he. At length he grew fo intimate with 
 her, that neither of them did any thing 
 
 without 
 
The Hiiiory of R obert Po wel 1 1 3 
 
 without the other's Advice ; and for their 
 mutual Benefit, they joined Stocks, to 
 make a large Turfe, to produce in Court 
 againit 0/*/P£RrtDO, whom they refolv'd 
 to profecute, till he deliver'd up all thofe 
 Houfes in the Street, which he unjuftly 
 had detain'd from the rightful Owners. 
 This they had in a great meafure effected, 
 for by the Help of their joint Cafh, they 
 commonly produc'd the largeft Turfe, to 
 the Confufion of the old Barretor Per- 
 fido. 
 
 Now though they were next Neigh- 
 bours, yet fcarce a Day pair, but Van- 
 herrinck wrote to his Miilrefs, or fhe 
 to him. The Copies of two of them we 
 have by us. Thefiritis Vanherrinck's 
 to the Widow. 
 
 My 
 
ia/j. The Hiftory of Robert Powel, 
 
 My Dear Lady \ 
 
 * X Hope you are well, as I am, at this 
 J^ ' prefent Writing, I repofe an entire 
 
 < Confidence in your Friendfhip, which 
 ' you have fo often, and fo folemnly pro- 
 ' mis'd me, and which I will all my Life- 
 
 * time endeavour to deferve : May ten 
 
 * thoufand Tun of Devils take me, if I am 
 ' not ready to venture Life and Limb to 
 j ferve you. 
 
 I am, 
 
 Dear Madam, 
 Tour obliged humble Servant, 
 Vanherrinck. 
 
 To this the Lady return'd the following 
 Anfwer. 
 
 Dear Sir, 
 
 i "\7"Our Confidence in me is not ill- 
 j[ f grounded, I allure you. My 
 * Inclinations are entirely for entertaining 
 ' a conftant Union and Friend fhip with 
 4 you ; and every Promife I have made to 
 
 ' you, 
 
The Wftory of Robert Powel . 125 
 
 you, fhall be inviolably maintain'd. I 
 am refolv'd alfo to concur with you in 
 all fuch Meafures, as fhall be concerted 
 for our ft richer Alliance together, and 
 for keeping old Perfido at a greater 
 Diftance from us, which cannot be done, 
 unlefs we take from him the Houfes he 
 enjoys in this Street, without any legal 
 Right. Good Mr. Vanherrinck, be 
 you fatisfy'cl, that I fhall for ever look 
 upon your Intereft and mine as infepara- 
 bje. For as I take it, we are linked to 
 each other by a Chain of fuch Promifes, 
 as cannot be broke through with a good 
 Confcience. 
 
 J am Tours, 
 
 Martinetta Marrall; 
 
 Thefe two Epiftles, which I have here 
 inferted, are a fufficient Demonstration of 
 the loving Correfpondence that paft be- 
 tween thefe tw.o Perfons. Well . 
 
 'Twas to this Widow Mr. PowaL came, 
 who being a drift, and all his Money be- 
 ing fpent, offer'd his Service to her as a 
 Footman, and fhe unluckily received 
 him ; but foon after taking a Liking to 
 him, flie advanc'd him to the Poft of her 
 Steward. He was not long in that Poft, 
 
 before 
 
1 26 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 before he took a Difguft at poor Vanher- 
 rinck, whether it was, becaufe he did 
 not greaze his Fift as much as he defir'd, 
 or whether his Honefty and Plainnefs of- 
 fended him, I cannot tell ; but fo it was, 
 that he refolved to do him all the Damage 
 that lay in his Power. In order thereun- 
 to, he gets acquainted with old Perfid^o, 
 who being over-joy'd at having fo good a 
 Friend in his Miftrefs's Houfe, (ruffed hint 
 with Money, fo that Mr. Powel had 
 quickly all the Widow's Servants, and par- 
 ticularly the Chamber-Maid, at his Beck. 
 Her, Mafter Powel inftru&ed how to ha- 
 rangue her Miftrefs, againft her Suitor 
 Vanherrinck, telling; her, what a flo- 
 venly ill-manner'd Beaft he was, what a 
 huge Pair of Buttocks he had, which 
 ought by right to bechoppMof; and that 
 he meant nothing but filthy platonick 
 Love; the Chambermaid obferv'd his Di- 
 rections to a Hair, and foon had wrought 
 in her Miftrefs fuch an Averfion to the 
 Fishmonger, that he was baniih'd her Af- 
 fections ; affoon as Mr. Powel found 
 that, he fends Perfido this concife 
 Note. 
 
 S I R, 
 
The Hzftory of Robert Po wel . 127 
 
 SIR, 
 
 i f AElays are dangerous— My Mi- 
 \_J t ftrefs now is in a right Cue— 
 * Come and fucceed. 
 
 Yours, &C: 
 
 The old Lover, fans more ado, drefl 
 himfelf, came away, and according to In- 
 formation, finds the Lady in a Difpofition 
 proper to receive him ; lie, upon this, to in- 
 gratiate himfelf the more, being a Mercer 
 by Trade, prefents her with a very rich 
 Piece of Silk, which, with other vaft Pro- 
 mifes of Equipages, Foot-men, Liveries, 
 Coach and Horfes, i$c. fo won the Lady, 
 that a Match was concluded on, and all 
 the Widow's Proceedings againft Perfido 
 ftopp'd ; fo that poor Vanherrinck was 
 left tofcuffle with his encroaching Neigh- 
 bour by himfelf. However, the Lady 
 thought her felf obliged, after fo much 
 Encouragement given him, toaffignfome 
 Caufe for this fudden Change, and there- 
 fore writes him the following Letter. 
 
 Mr, 
 
1 7 8 The Hiftory oj Robert Powel 
 
 Mr. Vanherrinck. 
 
 I A flu re you, I have the greateft Kind- 
 6 nefsforyou imaginable; your In- 
 
 tereft is infeparable from mine • 
 
 Depend on't, Sir, I love you extream- 
 
 ly Butmy Mind is chang'd, and I 
 
 take my felf to be totally difengaged from 
 
 you I amrefolv'd not to have you; 
 
 but 'tis your Fault, if you have not me-^ 
 I am always the fame ; you are lamenta- 
 bly unfteady, Mr. Vanherrinck, I 
 wonder you cannot keep your Word, 
 you faithlefs Fellow, while I am con- 
 ftantly, 
 
 Tourfieady Loving, 
 
 'Difengaged faithful Miftrefs, 
 
 Martinetta Marrall. 
 
 At the Receipt of this Epiftle, Mr. Van- 
 herrinck was quite confounded, but ha- 
 ving cheer'd hk Spirits with a large Dofe 
 oVBatt avian oArracky he fcrawPd this 
 long Letter. 
 
 Madam ( 
 
 
The Biflory of Robert Powel. I H j 
 
 Madam ; 
 
 C A F ter Romany Proofs of you*- kind 
 jT\ < Love, after fo many "Marks of 
 your Affe&ion, I cannot but be aftonifh'd 
 at your la ft Epiftle; Madam, I protefl: 
 before all things, that I Baye* the trueft 
 Friendfhip and firicereft Affc&ion for 
 you. And defire nothing more tha n* to 
 be marry'd— — And adad, I Wifh you 
 wou'd try me you fbould not re- 
 pent it. I fhall not pretend to defcribe 
 to you the Nature of a Love- Engage- 
 ment, efpecially now, that you declare 
 your felf difengaged frorri everv Obliga- 
 tion with regard to me But your 
 
 Lady (hip's Penetration, mav give you a 
 large View of ill Confequenccs, attend- 
 ing broken Vows, which the Goddefs 
 Venus certainly revenges on all faithlefs 
 Lovers. Pray, Madam; will you read 
 over all your Letters, will you recollecl: 
 all your repeated AfTurances of eternal 
 Love and Friendfhip to me. Think 
 how often we have engag'd our felves 
 to one another, to which the Gods are 
 Witneffes, and think of your prelent 
 Declaration of your being difengaged { 
 think, I fay, on this, and then tell me, 
 if for no other Caufe than a bare Alte- 
 I * 4 ration' 
 
1 30 The Hifiory 0/ Robert Powel. 
 
 ration of Opinion, any Perfon -who has 
 been fo folemnly united, and fo ftrongly 
 tied by Oaths and Promifes, fhould 
 quit all his Engagements, and pronounce 
 himfelf difengaged from all his Obliga- 
 tions, there can be any Tye fo frrong, 
 which may not at any time be broke ; or 
 any Engagement fo {trict, that it may be 
 
 rely'd on for the future Well, 
 
 you have alter'd your Mind, and that's 
 
 c Reafon enough you fay How you 
 
 came to do fo, I cannot conceive; for 
 upon the ftri&eft Examination of my 
 Conduct towards you, I cannot find the 
 leail Grounds for that Diflatisfa&ion, 
 which you exprefs in your Letter. I am 
 fure, from the very Beginning, I have 
 fhew'd you all the Deference you could 
 defire from a Lover. I always carefully 
 fought after your Affection, and culti- 
 vated it Ay, marry did I and 
 
 to a very good Purpofe— Alas 1 poor 
 . Vanherrinck, thy Dream is come to 
 pafs, I doubted there was no good bo- 
 ded thee by it. Perhaps your Lady- 
 fhip may be able to explain it better 
 than I, and therefore I will venture to 
 fend it you. 
 * The other Night, as I lay aflcep, me- 
 
 thought I made you a Vifit At my 
 
 Entrance into your Chamber, my Nofe 
 was accofted with a noiibme Smell, 
 
 * which 
 
TbeJIiftory of Robert Powel. 1 3 1 
 which, as I drew near to you, I percei- 
 ved, wasoccafion'd by a vaft over grown 
 
 Leek ftuck in your Bofom Blefs me, 
 
 cry'd I, Madam, what do you do with 
 that noifome Vegitable, 'tis the only 
 
 thing I hate It makes you ftink all 
 
 over the Houfe — 1 Foh This faid, 
 
 Colour arofe in your glowing Cheeks, 
 and Anger darted in Flafhes from your 
 piercing Eyes, and in Words unknown 
 in Love's Academy, you thus reply'd— - 
 Thou Pond-robber, thy (linking Fifti 
 fmell worfe, dareft thou, to fuch an odo- 
 rous fragrant Flower as this, the Com- 
 panion of the blooming Role, and pale- 
 faced Lilly, add the Epithet of Noifome ? 
 To this, in humbleft Manner, I retur- 
 ned Madam, my Eyes and Nofe 
 
 have both deceiv'd me, if that now ftuck 
 
 in your Bofom, be not a Leek A 
 
 Leek, Madam, that makes you ftink, 
 nay, ftink like that Roman Emperor, who 
 for his immoderate Love of Leeks, was 
 term'd Torrophagus. With that you prV'd, 
 Mifcreant, be gone, from thee I km dif- 
 
 engaged ~ Thefe difmai Words a- 
 
 waked me. This is my Dream, 
 which I leave your Ladyfhip to inter- 
 pret, and remain, 
 
 Tour fincere Friend and humble Servant, 
 
 I a Vanherrinck. 
 
*3 3 Tfc Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 In Anfwer to this long Remonftrance, 
 the Widow fent the following Epiftle. 
 
 Mr. VanherRinck ; 
 
 * \/i Y Conference is as clear as a new 
 1\A i rubb'dRoom, fori am fenfible 
 I have not broke my Word to you in the 
 
 leaft But you have broken yours, 
 
 and I think of it with Pleafure I tell 
 
 you I am entirely difengaged from you 
 
 for ever And it will be your own 
 
 Fault, as it has hitherto been, if we 
 
 don't continue our Loves Though 
 
 I tell you, I never will love you; for I 
 take it very much amifs, that you fent 
 your la ft Letter by the Town-Crier — Me- 
 thinks you might have difpatch'd one of 
 your Servants, or brought it your felfj 
 
 you heavy-ars'd Fellow Then take 
 
 this for a final Anfwer, for I will make 
 you no Anfwer at all. I am your fincere 
 Friend, on whom you may confidently 
 
 rely, 
 
 Martinetta Marrall. 
 
 Win- 
 
The Hi/lory of Robert Powel. 133 
 
 Whether Vanherrinck made any An- 
 fwer to this, I know not ; but he being 
 now left alone, and having not a Purje 
 fufficientto contend with Perfido ; that 
 old Rogue took this Advantage, and broke 
 into his Houfe without much Buftle ; the 
 Widow having before threaten'd Vanher- 
 rinck, to fend her Purfe againft him, if 
 he refilled. By this Means Perfido eafi- 
 lyenter'dhis Houfe, and finding the poor 
 Fifhmonger defencelefs, lays him down 
 upon a Block, and chops off a great Slice 
 of his Buttocks, and carry'd it in Triumph 
 to Jiis Miftrefs, who only obferv'd that 
 Talicotius would now have Stock of 
 Nofe Timber for his Journey-men. 
 
 And now Perfido, by Mr. Powel's 
 Means had inveigled poor Mrs. Mar- 
 RALLfo far, that the Day for celebrating 
 their Nuptials was appointed, and Con- 
 fummation long'd for by both Parties; 
 when on a fudden, fhe was taken with a 
 violent Fit of a Palfy, in which fhe was 
 heard to fay faintly, and with a trembling 
 Voice Undone — Sold poor Crea- 
 ture — faithful Lover — Rogue Perfido — 
 
 Ah good abufed Vanherrinck r 
 
 Oh the vile Dog Powel — and with thofe 
 Words fhe fainted away, and foon after 
 
 dy'd Leaving a worthy Gentleman as 
 
 her Heir, who 'tis hoped will fufficiently 
 I $ re- 
 
1 34 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 revenge himfelfon that Rogue Perfido. 
 But before he cou'd lay hold of the Au- 
 thors of all the Mifchief, Mr. Powel, and 
 the Chamber-maid, they were fled away 
 in a Difguife out of his Reach. 
 
 CHAPTER the Eleventh. 
 
 LIFE it felf is Motion, and Stagnation 
 is the End of it ; for when the Pulfe 
 ceafes, and the Interlines loofe their ver- 
 micular and periftaltick Rotation, the 
 Perfon is dead. Man is an Epitome of the 
 World, and the World is but a Man at 
 large. Active and volatile Men, are the 
 molt fubtle Particles, the Tulfe and Spitits 
 of that Body, which though afleep and 
 nodding ; yet thefe are twirling, beating 
 and turning, by which we know this Le- 
 Vi athan to be alive. Now as the Spirits 
 or acrimonious Pieces of human Body, ne- 
 ver ceafe their Agitation, or let flip any 
 Opportunity of inflaming the Part, be they 
 lodged in an extraordinary manner, either 
 in the Head, the Arms, the Body, or the 
 Heels ; fo thefe aftive, turbulent People, 
 
 be 
 
The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 1 35 
 
 be they in a Degree ever fo confpicuoiis or 
 obfcure, yet their Minds and Endeavours, 
 like the ferfetual Motion, are never at reft 
 till the Materials are worn out— — This 
 was the Cafe of Mr. Powel, who tho*' 
 turn'd a drift, and reduced to the very 
 Heels of the World, yet could no more 
 confine himfelf to the humdrum Way of 
 Living, pra&is'd by the Vulgar, than an 
 Alexander cou'd contain himfelf in the 
 fmall Kingdom of Macedon. Mean Em- 
 ployments he was not bred to, Art and In- 
 genuity were his Talents, and being re- 
 folv'd to mount above the common Herd, 
 he fets up the laudable Trade of a Juggler — 
 He hired himfelf a Houfe, and wrote over 
 his Door in large Characters ; HERE 
 LIVES THE PLAIN DEALER, 
 WALK IN AND BELIEVE YOUR 
 EYES. Many walked in, and believed 
 their Eyes, and fo were deceiv'd, for his 
 Tricks were manag'd with great Dexteri- 
 ty, by the Help of Lupercus, Venerio, 
 and Maurus, his Confederates. Not to 
 mention the Cups and Balls, which are 
 known by every Pretender to Legerdemain, 
 he was excellent at all Tricks on the Cards, 
 Commanding and altering the Colours as 
 he pleas'd, without even touching them. A 
 Queen of Hearts he would blow upon, and 
 turn her prefently into a Hack K.nave y my,\\e 
 I 4 would 
 
1 3 6 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 •would make a whole Pack turn all black 
 Cards ; and I have often heard that he has 
 made the Pack Jtfes, Kjngs, Queens, 
 Kjiaves, as he pleas'd, and all this by a 
 Towaer ofT'imp, or the Touch of a Notched 
 Stick, of which he had Plenty by him, 
 and found them very powerful in Conju- 
 rations of this fort. He wou'd like-wife 
 pretend by the black Art, to read the De- 
 ftinies of People, and in order to gain Cre- 
 dit as tp Futurity, he told them feveral 
 PafTages of their pad Life, which he knew 
 by his Spies, that were planted almoft in 
 every confiderable Family of Otifolis. 
 Nay farther, he had by his ingenious 
 Brain, contriv'd an enchanted white Staffs 
 that he commonly carry'd in his Hand, the 
 Vertue of which was fuch, that at Plea- 
 sure, he could fet all the Company by a 
 Touch, either a Singing, Crying, Laugh- 
 ing, Dancing, Rhyming, Lying, Pane- 
 gyrizing, Lampooning, Railing, writing 
 Pamphlets, Fighting, or running away y &c. 
 And whereas a certain Practitioner, in the 
 Art of clean Conveyance, will, out of a 
 'Bag, turn'dlnfide out, and ftamped up- 
 on, produce you a live Hen, with a great 
 Number of Eggs. Mr. Powel fhall do 
 more, for he fhall put into a Bag a ftoup 
 Englifh "Bull Dog, and by and by, he fhall 
 come out a f erf eft Cock. 
 
 This 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 157 
 
 This is look'd upon by the Otiplians, as 
 a very ftupendious Miracle, they not con- 
 fidering the near Affinity that there is, 
 between a true 'Bull-Dog, and a right 
 Game Cock ; and indeed, 'tis no wonder, 
 if ordinary Capacities are furpriz'd by the 
 uncommon Operations of natural Magick. 
 But to us, Vere Adept ; nothing appears 
 more plain, than that a ( Bu\UDog, and a 
 Game Cock differ in nothing but externa 
 fpecie, being both comprized under the 
 Genus- ■ ' aAnimal-r- — oAudax* Fe- 
 
 rox — Tugnax — And that their Tunic Jes or 
 Tellicles, may, by proper Applications, be 
 reduced to an Identity; and leaft you 
 fhould take this for a Story of a Cock and 
 a 'Bull, arid becanfe the miraculous No~ 
 ftrum fhall no longer be bury'd in Obfcu- 
 rity, to the great Detriment of the occult 
 Sciences, and to the retarding the glori- 
 ous Progrefs of modern Learning, I will 
 here fet down this Receipt for Tranfmu- 
 tation. 
 
 Ifc Levitatis volantis sjj. Perfidid ve- 
 re Gallics decies jublimat Terjurii a 
 tbj. Malivolentia vel invidix irreqid- 
 etijjima Sex Manipihs, IngraiitoA 
 dinis -fcjjj. fine JcrufuHs, de repe- 
 tundis vel munerilus Macedonia 
 
 CIS, 
 
138 The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 
 cisjnore Vhillip ico^impenfis quan* 
 
 turn fufficit Fiat tritura morta- 
 
 rio Jeri)itudinis durijjimo Tjrannidis 
 Tiflello. 
 
 M. F. S. A. M, 
 
 This was the great Noftrum Mr. Pow- 
 el ufed, and having the Medicine by 
 him, he never failed of his pretended Mi- 
 racle ; for when «ver he gave the Dog this 
 Dofe, it inftantly did his Bufinefs, and in- 
 fiifed thofe CockiJ}) Qualities, which before 
 the Quadruped wanted. The Levitas 
 volans changed his fore Feet to Wings, and 
 his Hair to Feathers. The Terfidia me- 
 tamorphosM his Mouth, Head, and Ears, 
 into Bill, Comb and Gills ; the Terjurium 
 gave him Crowing inftead of Barking ; the 
 Invidia made him Cunning inftead of 
 Bold ; and the Repetund* finifhed the 
 Work, by giving him all the other Quali- 
 fications neceffary for a Cock. 
 
 - Thus how great is the Tower of Herbs ! 
 
 But to return to the Story, Mr. Powel 
 had by thefe Means acquired great Repu- 
 tation, few thinking his Performances lefs 
 than Wonders. 
 
 I 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 1 59 
 
 I forgot to inform my Reader, that Mr. 
 Powel, and his Companions, Lupercus, 
 Venerio, and Maurus, juft upon their 
 coming to Town, chang'd their Religion, 
 and from Chriftians became Tagans, that 
 being, as I before inform'd you, the Re- 
 ligion of the Maamins ; and tney never ad- 
 mitted any one into a Place of Truft or 
 Profit, unlefs he were a Tagan, which I 
 fuppofe was the main Argument, by which 
 our Travellers were converted. For ac- 
 cording to the Orthodox Opinion of a learn- 
 ed Divine, Mr. Powel and his Compani- 
 ons, ufed their Confcience like a Pair of 
 ^Breeches, which, though a Cover for Lewd- 
 nefs and Naftinejs, is eafily flip down for the 
 Service of both. 
 
 About this time there was a Lord Mayor 
 that gpvern'd the City ofOtiplis, an ho- 
 neft, but a weak Man, and one who was 
 entirely ruled by his Servants, nor was 
 that regretted at prefent, for they being 
 faithful and wife, advanced his Credit and 
 Reputation, all the time they were in the 
 Management of his Affairs, which was 
 much the greater]: Part of his Mayo- 
 ralty, 
 
 To this Lord Mayor, by Means of his 
 vaft Intereft with the common People, 
 Mr. Powel was recommended. But my 
 Lord's Servants being Enemies to Juglers, 
 
 exerted 
 
140 The HiBory 0/ Robert Powel. 
 
 exerted their whole Strength to keep him 
 out, and accordingly prevail'd with my 
 Lord to refufe his Service. This fet 
 Mr. Powel's Invention at work, for he 
 was refolved to be revenged on my Lord 
 Mayor's Servants, though it were by the 
 Ruin of the City, according to Juno's 
 pious Refolution. 
 
 FleBere fi nequeo fuperos, Acheronta mo- 
 vebo. 
 
 And now you fhould fee him converfing 
 with thofe whom formerly he d^fpifed, 
 promifing vaft things were he in any fort 
 of Power ; what Places, what Prefer- 
 ments would he not beftow on every ho- 
 nefl Otifolian ? What Riches and Power 
 would he beftow upon the "Bonzees^ were 
 he at the Helm ? Thefe Arguments foon 
 worked upon the long-ear'd Rout, who fell 
 to worfhipping him, as a Man fent from 
 Heaven. The ( Bonzees proclaim'd his 
 Miflion, and confirm'd it in their daily 
 
 Speeches All Hands to work This 
 
 is the Man on whom w^ mull depend— 
 Thus ran the Humour of the Town againB 
 common Senfe and public :k Conviction. And 
 though they all knew him to be an errant 
 Jugglery and that nothing but cheating 
 Tricks were to be expected from him, yet 
 
 they 
 
The HiStory of Robert Powel. 1 4. 1 
 
 they all acr.ed,asifthey knew the contra- 
 ry, being perfwaded to it by their Priefts, 
 •who told them that their May-pie would 
 be funk into the Earth, unlefs Mr. Powel, 
 who was rais'd up by the Gods for its Pro- 
 tecl:ion,were put into fome great Employ- 
 ment. This mighty News foon ftartled 
 the poor giddy Mob, who (juft like the 
 trembling Larks, when the blew Sky 
 threatens a dreadful Fall) to avert the 
 difmal Judgment of the May-poles tumb- 
 ling, ran into all the foolifh Meafures pro- 
 pofed to them, by the Zealot "Bonzees ; 
 yet all this wrought not the dell red Effect. 
 The Lord Mayor did not think fit to em- 
 ploy him, but kept the Juggler at a Di- 
 flance from himfelf, and all his Friends— 
 Thus good Counfei is not only a Safe- 
 guard, but an Honour alfo to a Gover- 
 nor. Thefe fly Tricks, popular Ha- 
 rangues, and vaft Promifes failing, Mr. 
 Powel bethought himfelf of a farther Stra- 
 tagem He gets him acquainted with 
 
 a bold impudent Bonze e, whofe Madnefs 
 made him fearlefs, whofe Ignorance had 
 banifh'd Modefty, and whofe Poverty 
 had made him capable of the moft defpe- 
 rate Actions ; For what may not a Man 
 venture, who has nothing to lofe ? 
 
 With this Bonzee, by Name Harrico 
 Charlatan, heftrikesup a Friendfhip, 
 
 makes 
 
142 The UlSiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 makes him vaft Promifes, and tickles up 
 his Ambition with the Names of F/amen, 
 
 and oArch-Flamen Tells him, that the 
 
 great Turn muft be made by him, and 
 when made, how great muft the Author 
 be? That the only way to bring fuch a 
 thing about, would be to make fuch an 
 
 Oration as he fhould direct him- ■ In 
 
 fhort, if he would be ruled by him in this 
 Point, he would make him the great eft Man 
 in Otipolis. Highly etfalted was the emp- 
 ty Prieft Harrico Charlatan, with 
 thefe Hopes of future Grandeur, and as a 
 fiiitable and grateful Return to thofe glo- 
 rious Promifes he had juft now receiv'd 
 he forthwith makes this Speech 
 
 Great Sir, 
 
 I T HE peculiar Honour you are 
 X * Pleafed to confer upon me 
 • by thinking me a proper Inflrument or 
 
 \ h 1S t SigUalj that nothill g J efs than a 
 publick Acknowledgment can acquit me 
 i from Ingratitude. 
 
 Now 
 
The HiBury 0/ Robert Powel. 14.5 
 
 < Now when the Principles and lnte~ 
 refts of our Tarty and Cenflitution are fo 
 fhamefully hetrafd and r## <foze;# ; it 
 can be no fhiall Comfm to fee, that not- 
 withstanding the fecret Malice or of en 
 Violence they are perfecuted with, there 
 are ftill to be found fuch worthy Patrons 
 of both, who dare own and defend them, 
 as well againft the rude and presumptuous 
 Infults of the one Side, as the hafe un- 
 derminingTreachery of the other^ and who 
 fcorn to fit filently by, and partake in 
 the Sin of thefe. ajfociated Malignant s ; 
 and I am, Sir, with all tfie fincers, true^ 
 unfeigned Zeal in the World, 
 
 Yours to be commanded. 
 
 To which Mr. Powel made no other 
 Reply, than only telling him, that by his 
 very Speech he found him the fitteft Man 
 for his Purpofe : And that what he pro- 
 pofed to him was only to make a large 
 Harangue the next Holyday, and in it to 
 prove that my Lord Mayor's Mule is an sAfs y 
 a downright oAfs. Be fure and ufe the 
 fame^Stile, and you cannot fail of fucceed- 
 ing. I need not here infert the 'Bonzee's 
 Anfwer, which was much the fame fort of 
 Oratory with this Speech. But as the 
 
 Ha- 
 
i44 The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 Harangue was made according to Order, 
 and is an Original in its kind ; I fhall 
 here at length fet it i)wn in the beft man- 
 ner we cou'd tran.late it from the Malayan 
 Tongue, which you will find to be very 
 full of Epithetical Adjectives, from this 
 very Piece. 
 
 N. B. The Reader may either fafs this 
 ' over as a nonfenfical thing not worthy of 
 his Reading, or out of his mature Judg- 
 ment declare it to he a Piece of grand 
 and deep Defign. 
 
 ©aea^csx9G3^©S5ca^{ss^ t&eseae&ra 
 
 CHAP- 
 
The Hijlory of Robert Powel. 145 
 
 C H A P T E R the Twelfth. 
 
 AMong all the Days of the whole 
 ' Year, this Day is a never to be 
 forgotten Day; and in our Tacupeitheian 
 Kjtlendar ought to ftand as an Mr a, as an 
 eternal Mr a at one end, becaufe there is 
 a memorable Day at the other end, which 
 may ltand for the fame Furpofe, and 
 therefore thefefnw Days are but one uni- 
 ted Proof and vifible Testimonial, that 
 the Kjtlendar (like a Rope-dancers Pole) 
 has two Ends, which two Ends, by 
 means of thefe two heavy Mra's, being 
 pois'd, will ferve to keep me up in the 
 Thread of my Argument, which entire- 
 ly choaks, if rangles, and extirpates that 
 new f 'angled, Fanatical, Republican, Lati- 
 tudinarian, Anarchical, Damnable, Shif- 
 matical, Mgyptiacal, Hieroglyphic al Noti- 
 on, of the Years being rotund like a 
 Snake with his Tail in his Mouth. 
 ' Now, becaufe the Adverfarie of our 
 Party, thofe acute and wife Judges, who 
 condemn Things without Sight or Hear- 
 ing, are likely to traduce what 1 fhall 
 now deliver ; and that I may put to fi- 
 lence the loud Clamours of gainfayirtg Fa- 
 mucks, rectify the mijled Zj>al of thofe 
 K * deluded 
 
1^6 The WJloryof Robert Powel. 
 
 4 deluded People, and quafh the damnable 
 4 Dottrine oftbofe [edit torn Impoflors, I fhall 
 4 now very briefly fet down what I defign 
 
 * to prove, in thefe two following Pofiti- 
 ■ ons : 
 
 4 Fi>ft>— — That my Lord Mayors Beaft 
 1 is not a Mule but an Jfs. 
 
 4 Second!}, That the Jfs ought not to 
 
 4 mme be he whipt ever To much or often. 
 
 4 And, Firfl, I will fhow you in what 
 4 fenfe, and on what icore my Lord Mayor's 
 1 Bead is an Jfs, I fay a very Afs. In or- 
 
 * der to which it will be necelfary to pre- 
 
 * mile fomething concerning the Nature 
 
 * of Mules and A'fes. 
 
 4 This Term ?»-©-, an Jfs, being derived 
 4 from onmsi which fignifies Profit , or 
 4 oni///, to help (take it which way you 
 1 wi\}J has a relative Signification to its 
 4 Owner. Therefore whatfoever Beaft 
 4 fhall be found deviating, by an unreafon- 
 4 able alteration of Judgment, or by any 
 4 tacit, mental Rejerve, or Equivocation, up- 
 4 on any indirect Ends or Deligns from 
 4 being a lole Prop: or Help to its Majier 9 may 
 4 properly be laid not to be an Af, but 
 4 rather a Mule, an n/u.-or©-, a halt Profiler, 
 4 or a Helper of bis Majler bj halves — Now 
 4 I dare fay, no Man can pretend that my 
 4 Lortfs Beaft ever he If A his Majler by 
 
 4 halves j 
 
The Hijior y of Robert PoweL 147 
 
 halves, or was a half P rafter to him— 
 How often has he bravely ventured h ls 
 Life and Fortune in behalf of his Lord . ? 
 How often has he bore my Lord, and his 
 great Predecejfors on his Back long and 
 tedious Journeys, even when gauied to 
 the Bone ? How often ha> he carry'd my 
 Lord's Servants, my Lord's Chamber-maids , 
 nay, my Lord's Mtfireffes, with a true 
 Als like Patience ? Is he not a Property, 
 a Slave of my Lord's, whofe Life, whofe 
 Being is in my Lord's Hands ? Yea, my 
 Brethren — he is fo by a Divine Right, 
 derived even from thofe happy Times* 
 when Royal and jbfolute Fathers governed 
 their fubjecl Families in tulnefs ot Pow- 
 er Is he then a. Proffer or Server of 
 
 my, Lord in part I Do not all his Labours, 
 and Acquifitions ; nay, do not his ve-y 
 Hide and Ears belong to my Lora v y 
 is the fole Proprietor of this tfeaft, .which 
 was only created for my L :rd'> J>c and 
 Pleafure. Who then will lay he i> 
 a Mule, half a Propter, a half Servant of 
 
 my Lord's. No, no, 'tis plain he is a 
 down right Jjs. 
 
 i Farther- View but the Beaft, and 
 
 believe your Eye-fight See hi; long 
 
 and monltrous Ean, certain Signs of an 
 jfs ', behold his profound Gravity andjolid 
 jtijpect, va/i Tefiimomals of. an Affes 1)n~ 
 demanding, Look with what gentle Be- 
 K 2 'havio'ur 
 
14.8 The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 haviour and fubmifTive Obeifance he 
 ftands to be curry'd, bridled and faddled, 
 fure Symptoms of an Affes Conitituti- 
 on— --See how heartily the Beaft brow- 
 fes a Thiitle, a true AiTes Sallad, while 
 the Horfe eats up the Corn ; do not 
 thefe Tokens, thefe Manifeitations,prove 
 him to be an jfs? A downrignt, dull, 
 brainlefs, ftupid, vile Afs. Thefe Evi- 
 dences, my beloved, are fo glaring as to 
 leave no room for Argument, and if any 
 one offers, to difpute it, I pronounce him & 
 damned Heretick , a [editions lmpoflor 
 a rebellion*, infolent, imoudent Schijmatick 
 a damnable, fanatical, factious, wjidiou 
 wretched , empty , hypocritical Sophifier 
 and a villanous, treacherous, faint-hearted 
 knavifb, /lie, vile, monjlrous, canting 
 
 * falfe tongued, ant monarchical Republican. 
 
 ' But now I come, Secondly, to prove 
 
 * that the Beaft ought not to wince, be he 
 ' beaten ever fo much or often. 
 
 ' I have proved him an Afs, and me- 
 
 * thinks that fhould be Argument enough 
 ' for his Pajfive Obedience. AlTes are al- 
 
 * ways couchant and paffive, and we read 
 ' but of one Afs that ever open'd his 
 
 * Mouth and winced when his Matter beat 
 
 * him, and that is in Jewifb Records, which 
 
 * we hope can be no Precedent for us. Pa- 
 ' gan Affes can't be guilty of fuch horid, 
 
 * flagrant 
 
The-Hiftory of Robert Powel. 1 49 
 
 flagrant and monftrom Rebellion. Our old 
 Father Silenus*s Afs, carried him drunk 
 or fober, bore, like a true and faithful 
 Subjed, with all Afs Submiffion,xhz blows 
 that were distributed upon his Hide, 
 whether deferv'd or undeferv'd, and 
 proud of his God-like Burden, thank- 
 ed the Hand that exercifed his un- 
 conquer'd Patience. The Great and Im- 
 mortal Lucian, when converted into an 
 Afs, bore his Servitude fubmiffively, e- 
 ven when he was in the unjuft PofTeffion 
 of infidious Robbers. How great, and 
 how enforcing ought thefe Examples to 
 be to Beafts form'd for Toils and heavy 
 Burdens? Atcend my Brethren, andcon- 
 fider well this Dottnne of Affes. Affes 
 ought not to refifl on any pretence whatsoever y 
 be their Mailers Mahometans, Chriftians, 
 Jews, Barbarians, or 'Pagans, or they 
 themfelves drub'd, laftfd, thrafhi'd, thawckt, 
 beaten, nay, be they excoriated, and their 
 Ears hewen clofe to their obeifant Noddles* 
 This is the Orthodox Dotfrine of Affes, 
 who ought not to open their Mouths, not 
 to fling, flart, or wince, but quietly bear 
 their Burthens ; for thofe that fit on their 
 Backs are their Lords, and confequently 
 have an undoubted Right, and Divine Su- 
 periority over them, not to be queftion'd 
 by flavifh or ftupid Beafts, whofe Backs 
 were form'd for Loads, and whofe 
 K $ * Mouths 
 
i 50 The Hijlory of Robert Powel. 
 
 c Mouths were predeftinated for Bridles. 
 1 To proceed — why fhould Affes ambi- 
 tioufly attempt to be more than them- 
 felves? Why fhou'd they propofe a 
 Sphere fo unrit for them, and fo far a- 
 bove their vile Conftitution ? Are AfTes 
 to enquire, to reafon, to diredf, to 
 counfel? No, no, fee their long Ears 
 
 and brawny Racks Their Buiinefs is 
 
 to bear, believe, and obey Hear, be- 
 lieve and obey, my Brethren, what a 
 Man {peaks out of the fwceritj of his 
 H art. 
 
 4 Now as Affes are created for the fole 
 Ufc and Drudgery of their Maflersy fo 
 on the other hand it cometh neither of 
 Lbance nor Fortune, nor of the Ambition 
 of mortal Men and Women climbling 
 up into the Saddle, that there are Owners, 
 Matters and Proprietors of thofe Affes. 
 But all M afters, Owners, Lords, and Pro- 
 prietors of Affes are appointed by the Im- 
 mortal Gods; therefore the Aj's that 
 fpurns againit his Majler, kicks againfl 
 the Gods, and is guilty of the bUckeft 
 Treafon, and bigbejt Rebellion ; a Sin of 
 fuch a dye, as never to be wafh'd out or 
 forgiven. 
 
 c 1 know fome new Teachers, new Poli- 
 ticians, tell us, I fuppofe by a new and 
 unheard of Law, in contradiction to- 
 
 { this my sifs Dottrine, that the Power is 
 
 * inverted 
 
The Hiftory of Robert Pow el. 1 5 1 
 
 inveited in the Beaft,and that he may fpu en 
 and fling his tyrannizing Rider when he 
 pleafes. And what is moft incredible, 
 they prefume to make their Court to my 
 Lord Mayor by fuch Antimonarchical 
 
 Schemes ; but thanks to the Stars — 
 
 Thefe damnable Positions, let them come 
 either from Turkey or Chrijtendom, from 
 the Roftrum or the Prefs, are by all fen- 
 fible Maamins condemned for Rebelli- 
 on. 
 
 c Our Adverjaries think they effectually flop 
 our Mouths , and have m fure and unan- 
 fverable on this Point, when they urge the 
 fatal Accident of this Day, I mean, that of 
 a former Lord Mayors falling from the 
 baek of the Afs ; but certainly they are 
 a pack of ungrateful Num-skulls: How 
 often mud it be told them that the late 
 Lord Mayor declared that the Afs never 
 fo much as ftirr'd, and that the Court of 
 Aldermen and Common Council affirm'd 
 that they helpM the late Lord Mayor into 
 the Saddle upon no other Account, but 
 becaufe the preceeding Lord Major fairly 
 alighted and walked off. What would 
 thefe Antimonarchical , factious Incendia- 
 ries have? Wou'd they have this $eajf as 
 bad as his Lather, who throughly polfeil: 
 with fome infernal Spirit drawn from 
 the republican Dregs of the Stygian Lake, 
 and being perfe&iy intoxicated, Reard, 
 K 4 ' cur- 
 
i 5 2 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 curvetted, kickt, fpurrPd, flung, and win- 
 ced fo long as to throw his Rider, and 
 break his Neck ? But they are miftaken, 
 
 theprefent Beajl is of another make 
 
 Aftnfible Be aft , an obedient Beafl, a pa/five 
 Be aft, a loyal Be aft , a dutiful Be a fly and 
 what not. 
 
 * Whereas his Sire was a high metal'd 
 Horfe, a run away Jade, a ftarting, 
 flaring , fnorting , flying , prancing, 
 flinging , ftumbhng , tickiifh, skittifh, 
 wincing Devil, one that wou'd neither 
 lead nor drive. Yet thefe canting Preach- 
 ers , blafphemom Libellers and J cut ri lows 
 Lampooners affirm, that that Horfe and 
 this Jfs are verily and identically the 
 fame. Thus we fee how ready thefe 
 Incendiaries are to charge all the Crimes 
 of the curfed unlucky Horfe on the Back 
 and Shoulders of this Taffive Obedient . 
 Jfs. Thus they do endeavour to draw 
 Comparifons, and juftify the horrid and 
 rebellious Actions of the Horfe, which to 
 the fcandal of our May-pole have been 
 publickly defended even by fome who 
 have had the confidence to ftile them- 
 felves Bon zees. Thefe Men in open de- 
 fiance of the moll peremptory Declara- 
 tions of our Law fnever to be evaded 
 by any fhiftsor iriifreprefentations) dare 
 in defpighc of all Testimonies to the con- 
 trary, manifeitly defend this Doctrine, 
 
 < Thai 
 
The HtBory of Robert PoweL 159 
 
 That an Afs, if unjufilj beaten, may wince. 
 Oh Horrid, Monfirous, Blafphemousl 
 * Having done with the 4f** I fhall add 
 a Word concerning thofe Mifcreants that 
 would have him to be a Mule, and fo 
 conclude. 
 
 ' Thefe, my Brethren, are the Jefi of 
 Human kind, worfe than the worft of 
 Turks : Thefe are the People whom we 
 ought to reftrain by rvholefom Severities, 
 by Whipping, Fining, Pilloring, Impri- 
 foning, Banifhing, Hanging, Drowning, 
 Burning, Knocking on the Head, Chain- 
 ing to the Gallies, Torturing, and by even 
 fending them alive to the Bottom of the 
 Stygian Lake ; to Pluto and all his Imps ; 
 to Cerberus, and all the Dogs and 
 Bitches in Hell, that they may accom- 
 pany thofe with whom they have kept 
 a conftant Correfpondence. 
 ! And now, left you fhould miftake 
 the Perfons I mean, I will pathetically 
 defcribe them to you. 
 4 You all know we have a May-pole, a, 
 dainty fine May-pole — Obferve thofe fa- 
 crilegious Villains who are for pulling the 
 Garlands, the Leaves, the Flowers, and 
 the Bufhes from it~— Obferve thofe 
 Tray tors, thofe falfe Brethren, who talk 
 indifferently whether there are any Flow- 
 ers on it at all. Obferve thofe Hypocri- 
 tical Sophifters, who argue that the May- 
 
 < pole 
 
1 54. The HiBory of Robert Powel. 
 
 pole would look better if fome of the old 
 wither'd Leaves were taken away— —• 
 Nay, obferve even thole Lukewarm Pa- 
 gans, that will not (wear, damn, and 
 drink the May-pole's Health, and fight 
 up to the Ears in Blood in behalf of the 
 
 leaft wither'd Leaf on it Obferve 
 
 thefe, my Brethren — for thefe are thofe 
 Clamorous, Infatiable, May-pole devouring 
 Malignant s\ Mifcreants, begot in Rebellion, 
 born in Sedition, nursed up in Faction. 
 • Thefe are the Crafty, Infidious, wily 
 Volpones ; thefe are the Proud, Humorous, 
 Capricious, Qualm-fick, Objlwate, Moody, 
 Wayward, Self-conceit ed, Hypocrites and 
 Enthufiajts. 
 
 ' Thefe are the Dreadful, Difmal, Hor- 
 rible, Black, Deep, Dtjlruclive, Sanguinary, 
 Malicious, Jnjatiable t Cruel, Diabolical, 
 Revengeful, Ir reconcile able, Blood-thirfly, 
 Ecclefiaftical Achitophels, Hatctid in the 
 Cabinet Counfel of Hell, and brought forth 
 in a CONCLAVE OF JESUITS, 
 with whom, like TWOPARALLEL 
 LINES, they always meet in the Center. 
 ' Thefe are the Mongers , Vipers , 
 Serpents, Toads, Plotters, Tray tors, Re- 
 bels, Spiritual Jugglers, Double Dealers, 
 Infinuators, Equivocators, Dijjemblers, Vp- 
 ftart Novelifis, Enthufiafs, Injamous Li- 
 bellers , Hypocritical Sophijlers , Modern 
 f < Phi- 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powcl. 1 5 5 
 
 * Tbilofopbers, Villains , Impoftors, Sly Saints y 
 
 * Sanctified Devils , Incendiaries, Clande- 
 1 Jline Vnderminers, Falje-hearted Kjiaves, 
 ' Latitudinarians, Encroacbers, Blafpbemers, 
 ' Canters, Apoflates, Cozener s\ Sharpers, 
 
 ' Temporizers and objlinate Here ticks- ■» 
 
 e In fhort, tbeje are F^<? Brethren, that 
 
 * deferve the rvbolefomeft Severities imagina- 
 ' £/<? ; that ought to be damn'd — Damn 
 
 ' them all And let any Man undamn 
 
 \ them if he dares. 
 
 Thus ended the Harangue, and upon it 
 no fmall Stir enfued ; the Ferment grew 
 fo high, that at laft the Bon zee was accus'd 
 before the Lord- Mayor, and Court of Alder- 
 men, where fundry Debates paft on it Pro 
 and Con, in which the Learning of his Op- 
 ponents far eclips'd that of his weak De- 
 fenders, who were obferv'd to give up 
 the very Caufe they were employed to ef- 
 poufe. His Adverfaries, on the one hand, 
 accufing him for being a feditious Diftur- 
 ber of the Peace, a Man fit for nothing 
 but to let a Nation together by the Ears ; 
 and his Friends endeavouring to excufe 
 him, by alledging that his Harangue was 
 nothing but Nonienfe, and 'twould be very 
 hard to punifh a Man for being a Fool, no 
 body knowing how far that might extend. 
 To this it 'twas replied by his Profecutors, 
 
 That 
 
156 The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 That had it been fpoken in the Month *Lj- 
 comene y it might have been excufable ; but 
 fince he had not that to plead, he ought to 
 be punifh'd as an Incendiary. 
 
 Upon the whole, after a great Buitle, 
 he was found Guilty of Great Crimes, and 
 for a.fuitable PuniJJwent it was Ordain'd, 
 
 That the faid Harrico Charletan 
 fhould not break Wind in publick for 
 Three Tears ; and his Oration^ being in 
 the Nature of a Fire br and , jhould be de- 
 dicated to the Lame God Vulcan. 
 
 Which was accordingly done, and a Prieft 
 of the Goddefs Dice wrote the Dedication, 
 in the warmer! Expreflions poflible. 
 
 * Lycomene is a Month in which the Moon has 
 a more than ordinary Effect on the Otipolians j for 
 then every Man becomes that in Perfection "which his 
 Genuts in an Inferiour Degree prompted him to be all 
 the reft of the Tear In this Month Men of morofe 
 Tempers become pcrjetl Dogs : Thofe of fluggifh and 
 flow Difp'fitions become AiTes : Night-walkers and 
 Serenaders commence Owls : Beaus and Fops change 
 into Monkeys and Peacocks } Gojfips and Story- 
 tellers into Parrots and Jack- Daws ; and moft of the 
 BonzeeSj efpeciully towards the latter End of the 
 Month, being naturally of a rapacious Temper } turn 
 into perficl Wolves, and even worry their own 
 Flock ; and "'tis from their Madnefs, that this Month 
 
 is called Lycomene, or Wolf- Month. 
 
 In 
 
The HiSlory of Robert Powel. 157 
 
 In the mean time, the Bonzee being a 
 Corpulent Man ; and, 
 
 4 As Wind in Hypochondria pent, 
 € Is but a Blaft if downwards fent ; 
 * But if it upwards chance to fly, 
 ' Becomes new Light and Prophecy*" 
 Hud. Part II. Cant. J. 
 
 So he being under the Penalty of Not Fart- 
 ing, the Air which fhould have gone out at 
 his Pofteriours, and made but a Puff, be- 
 gan to rife and affect the Brain ; fo much 
 that the Bonz.ee ran directly mad. One 
 while he fancied himfelf to be a Pope, and 
 then he gave his Toe to be kifs'd ; another 
 time he fancied himfelf an Emperour, and 
 then he ftretch'd out his Hand ; and as the 
 Moon wairfd or encreas'd, he became either 
 King, Prophet or Emperour. But to fpend 
 no more time upon this Poor, Proud, Mad 
 Bonz.ee ; the Frenzy grew fo high, that 
 with HiGgnio for a Zjwy, he travell'd all 
 over lacupeitheia, mounting the Stage, and 
 feiling Powder of Poft in all Towns where 
 he came. 
 
 CHAP- 
 
1 58 The HiSiory of Robert Powel. 
 C H A P T E R the Thirteenth. 
 
 LE T us now return to the Lord-Mayor, 
 who at firftwas very angry with the 
 Harangue, thinking it to be a great Affront 
 to ftave the Beajl which he moft valued 
 called an Afs in fo publick and opprobrious 
 a Manner. But recollecting what Epi- 
 thets and Qualities the Bonz.ee had beftow'd 
 on this Animal, to wit, that an Afs never 
 ftartles, ftumbles, curvets, kicks, winces, 
 or throws his Rider ; but patiently fub- 
 mits to all Blows or Burdens which a Lord- 
 Major fhall pleafe to lay upon him ; and 
 confidering that he himlelf was lame and 
 decrepid, and no good Horfeman into the 
 Bargain, he began to have a very good 
 Opinion of the Bonzee 7 s Argument, and 
 to think that his Mule was a very Jfs \ and 
 the greater Jls the better for him, fince 
 he was the more unlikely to have a Fall. 
 Thefe Thoughts were much improv'd by 
 a Valet that my Lord kept to powder his 
 Wigg f, and tie on his Band. Every Day 
 when the Wigg was fetting at the Glafs, 
 
 \ Ybey wwr Wiggs in ibis Country to hide their 
 long Ears. 
 
 Mon- 
 
The History of Robert Powel. 1 5 9 
 
 Monfieur Fadle, the Valet cries, ■ Be- 
 
 gar, mee Lord de Afs be de Bead 
 
 tor mee mee kick mee beat — *— • 
 
 mee whip- mee fpurr ■ begar 
 
 de Beaft no flinch—" but look as grave 
 
 as de Shudge upon de Bench — but 
 
 mafoj de Mule, and de Horfe, be de Di- 
 vel Begar mee gall my Hand hold- 
 ing de Rein. me ftink for Fear, mee 
 
 tink every Moment mee break my Neck — 
 Begar, if mee vas you, me turn away all 
 de Serviteurs dat vil not let de Mule be de 
 Jfs. 
 
 According to Monfieur Fadle's Ad- 
 vice, my Lord, calling up his trufty Ser- 
 vants one by one, ask'd them, if they 
 thought his Great Beaft a Mule or an J/s, 
 and upon their down-right and honeft de- 
 claring that he was a Mule, they were all 
 immediately difcarded. 
 
 Now a new Sett of Servants were to be 
 taken in, and among the reft, our Hero, 
 Mr. Powel, who, by Monfieur Fadle's 
 Means, wasfoonin my L^rd-M^r'sgood 
 Graces ; and alter having been fometime 
 in the Houfe, he was made See ward of 
 my Lor a^s Family: And in a fhort time 
 acquir'd the fole Management of all my 
 Lord's Affairs ; having turn'd out all that 
 were Friends to the Old Servants, and 
 placed his own Tools and Creatures in 
 their Room. 
 
 CHAP. 
 
1 60 The HiBory of Robert Powel. 
 C H A P T E R the Fourteenth. 
 
 TH E Great St. Francis commanded 
 a Minorite of his Flock to dig a deep 
 Hole, and put himfelf in it, which being 
 done, St. Francis cover'd him with Earth 
 up to the Chin, and then askM him if he 
 were dead. Yes, quoth the poor Fry or ^ I 
 am dead. Are you fo? fays St. Francis, 
 
 then Rife up Upon which the Fry or 
 
 came to Life, and arofe out of the Grave* 
 And now that I have told you a Chrijli&n 
 Miracle, pray let me alfo recount to you a 
 Tagan one, wrought by no lefs a Man 
 than Mr. Robert Powel, whole Hiftory 
 we are now writing, and it was this — 
 The fame Night he enter'd my Lord's 
 Houfe as a Servant, tho 5 he did not ftirr 
 out of Doors, yet there was not a Man 
 in the whole City of Otipolis but loft Mo- 
 ney out of his Pockets, by his Means, and 
 not only out of his Pockets, but alfo out of 
 his Bags and Chefts, were they ever fo fe- 
 cure. Had a Man a hundred and thirty 
 'Pounds there, when he came to tell it, it 
 was fcarce a Hundred, This, you may i- 
 magine, caufed no fmall Conlternation, 
 and no one could conceive what it por- 
 tended j though the Jflrologers faid, it 
 
 plainly 
 
The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 1 6 1 
 
 plainly denoted, that my Lord's Affairs 
 were manag'd by a Juggler. But the Chal- 
 dean Sootbfayers affirm'd, that it was be- 
 caufe my Lord had taken a Common Rob- 
 ber, a Political Pick- pocket into his Houfe ; 
 one in whofe Nativity they plainly read 
 the Word bed"? Uftes. But the Otipoli- 
 ans being perfwaded by their Bonzees, 
 that it was a thing of courfe, foon forgot it. 
 In the mean time, Mr. Powel promotes 
 all his Friends : One he makesCuftard-eater, 
 another Sword-bearer, a third Huntfman, 
 and his Friend Venerio, who was a/«w- 
 bling Whore-mafier, he makes Clerk of the 
 Kjtchen, that he might enjoy a handfom 
 Cook-maid, that then was in my Lord- 
 Mayor's Service. Lupercus too, who was 
 Mr. Powel's Tool on board the Albion, 
 and had ever fince fhar'd Fortunes with 
 him, was now promoted to the Station of 
 a Flamen, which is the higheft fort of Pre- 
 ferment among the Priefts mTacupeitheia. 
 
 And here I fhall, for the Benefit of 
 Young Men, at any of our Vniverjities 9 
 who may be curious to know how they 
 examine their Priefts in thofe Parts, infert 
 Lupercus's Examination. 
 
 My Lord Mayor fitting at Table, Lu- 
 percus being call'd in, Mr. Powel, who 
 was at my Lord's Right Hand, began as 
 follows. 
 
 L Mr. 
 
1 6 a The Hiftory 0/ Robert Powel. 
 
 Mr. Powel, Mr. Lupercus, what is your 
 Calling ? 
 
 Mr. Lap. A Flamenfhip. 
 
 Mr. Powel, How will you obtain this ? 
 
 Mr. Lap, By deferving it. 
 
 Mr. Powel, And how Will you defer ve it? 
 
 Mr. Lap. By doing whatfoever I am 
 bid. 
 
 Mr. Powel, You have been bred on board 
 a Ship ? 
 
 Mr. Lap. Yes. 
 
 Mr. Powel, What are your Terms of 
 Sailing? 
 
 Mr. Lap. Tack, Tack about. 
 
 Mr. Powel, What Religion are you of? 
 
 Mr. Lap. My Lord's and your's. 
 
 Mr. Towel, What Religion was you for- 
 merly of ? 
 
 Mr. Lap. I pretended to Chriftianity. 
 
 Mr. Powel, How came you to leave it ? 
 
 Mr. Lap. It was not my. Intereft to 
 keep it. 
 
 Mr. Powel, How many Apoftles had the 
 Christians ? 
 
 Mr. Lap. Twelve. 
 
 Mr. Powel, Which was the beft of them ? 
 
 N v. Lap. Judas. 
 
 Mr'. Powel, Why fo ? 
 
 Mr. Lap. He carried the Purfe. 
 
 Mr. Powel, Would you carry the Purfe ? 
 
 Mr. Lav. Yes. 
 
 Mr. 
 
The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 1 6 3 
 
 Mr. Powel, I'll get you one very fhortly. 
 
 Mr. Lup. Thanks, good Sir. 
 
 Mr. Powel, Pray, Mr. Lupercus, what's 
 become of your Confcience ? 
 
 Mr. Lup. Dead. 
 
 Mr. Powell, Good lack ! Dead ? 
 
 Mr. Lup, Aye, and buried too. 
 
 Mr. Powel, What Death did your Con- 
 fcience die of ? 
 
 Mr. Lup. i quite ftarv'd it. 
 . Mr. Powel, What is my Lord-Major's 
 Beaft .? 
 
 Lord- May or, Aye, What is my Beaft ? 
 
 Mr. Lup. Even what your Lordfhip 
 pleafes. 
 
 Mr. Powel, Very well, Mr. Lupercus, I 
 fee you are a Perfon thoroughly qualified to 
 rife in the World : And i am fure, my 
 Lord will not fail of promoting a Man of 
 fuch plain and fleady Honefty. 
 
 My Lord, without more ado, promifes 
 Lupercus a Flamenjhip, and in a very ihort 
 time gave him one. 
 
 Now, before I go farther, it will not be 
 amifs to give my Courteous Reader an 
 Account how Matters flood in relation to 
 
 my Lord-Mayor and the City You 
 
 muft know then That the Great 
 
 City ofOtipolis flood upon the Banks of a 
 large River, on which my Lord, and the 
 Citizens (who claim'd the fole Authority 
 
 L 2 ovex 
 
i &\ The ffiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 over it) had a vafl Number of Bouts, fome 
 for Show, and others for Ufe. In thefe, 
 bedeckt after a pompous manner, at cer- 
 tain revolving Tides, my Lord, with the 
 reit of the Utipolian Citizens, appear'd in 
 Regal State, failing with Grandeur o're 
 the Rowling Surges, to the no fmall Afio- 
 nifhment of the wondring Fifh, thunder- 
 ftruck and aghaft, to behold thefe gawdy 
 Strangers, whilft even the grijly Gtd, and 
 all his Train of Water Deities, in precipi- 
 tate Halle ftrike to the profoundeft Abyfs, 
 afham'd to fee the Gorgeous Day, when 
 Thetis blefsM his Arms, and God and God- 
 defs joiri'd in Watry Hymenials, fo far out- 
 done by glittering Streamers, Pageants, 
 Golden Chains, and Fur-gown^ (Emblems 
 of decent Gravity,} in Royal Order moving 
 down the ebbing Tide. The South and 
 oppofite Coaft confeft the Superiority of 
 Boats and Watermen of the City of Oti- 
 polis ; yet for feveral Years there had been 
 hot Skirmifhes between them and the Oti- 
 poliam, about the Poifeflion of a Vineyard^ 
 which (landing on that fide of the River, 
 was generally in the Hands of the Mega* 
 laudnans ; that is the Name given to thofe 
 who inhabit the City of Dowloprepia, which 
 ftands on the South fide of the River, op- 
 polite to Otipolis, as Southwark does to Lon- 
 don. Now tho' thefe Men hid moil com- 
 monly the Pofleflion of the aforefaid Vine- 
 yard, 
 
The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 1 6 5 
 
 yard, yet the Uncertainty of Keeping it 
 was very great •'( For there went a Proplie- 
 cy, that as long as the Great MuU conti- 
 nued in the Cuftody of the Lord- May or 
 ofOtipolis, the Dowlofrep'iAtis fbould never 
 fucceed. And indeed things were brought 
 to fuch a Gfffis, that the JVPgaUuchians 
 offer'd to deliver up the Vineynrd % provi- 
 ded they might take away fome of the 
 Vines, which Terms were refus'd by thofe 
 then in Management, becaufe they knew, 
 that in a very fhort fpace of Time, the 
 Enemies would be obliged to fubmit with- 
 out any Articles or Conditions. 
 
 Sed mult a eadunt inter Calicem fuprewa* 
 que LabrA — 
 
 In this fhort Space happened this unex- 
 pected Change, which not only gave new 
 Life and Courage to the MigAUuchims r but 
 alfo difcourag'd and difpirited every honed 
 Onpolian at home. 
 
 Now the Governour ofDowloprepia. was 
 one of the cunningeft foit of Men, one 
 who added the Fox-Skin to the Lion, and 
 thought with Lysander, that tho' Truth 
 was better than L{es y jet both were to be mAtie 
 ufe of upon Oecafwn. This Man, for ieveral 
 Years before, according to his ufual Cu- 
 ftom of Traytor-making, had attempted 
 %q corrupt the Lord-Major of Otipolis his 
 L 3 Ser- 
 
1 66 The Hiftory of Robert Povvel. 
 
 Servants ; but his Gold, as if it had recei- 
 ved a bafe JlUy from the Vilenefs of its 
 MelTage, like falfe Coin return'd back to 
 the Hands of its Owner. 
 
 But now the Face of Affairs changing, 
 the old Gentleman not difheartned with 
 former Rebuffs, again invokes the God 
 Plutus, who, out of Compaflion to fo 
 old a Votary, brought Bacchus, another 
 God, to his Afliftance, where we fhall 
 leave them confulting together ; and re- 
 turn to 
 
 Mr. Powel, who having my Lord now 
 in Leading-ftrings, fets up for a great Po- 
 litician, and in order thereto, gets him a 
 vaft Machiaviltan Peruque, the Virtue of 
 which was fuch, that by Help of this Po- 
 litick Ornament, he could (according as 
 his Intereft flood) remember or forget 
 
 whatfoever he pleas'd For as Hudi- 
 
 eras fays 1 
 
 To be able to forget 
 Is found more ufeful to the Greats 
 Than Gout, or Deafnefs, or bad Eyes, 
 To make them pafs for wondrous wije. 
 
 Epiftleto the Lady. 
 
 If the poo re ft Tradefman came for Mo- 
 ney, by the Tofs of one of the Bobs, the 
 Debt was forgotten. If a hungry Sollici- 
 tor came to remind you of a Promife, pull 
 
 one 
 
The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 167 
 
 one of the Tyes, and you could not re- 
 member you ever law his Face before : If 
 an old Acquaintance, that cannot be fer- 
 viceable, claims Friendlhip, this Wigg 
 makes it impoflible you ihould know him ; 
 
 Lord, Sir, What may your frame be? But it a 
 
 wortlilefs Fellow of a good Eltate came in 
 the Way, he was immediately known and 
 addreit to ; Oh! my dear Kjnjman^ 1 have not 
 feen you this Age y What can I do to jerve you ? 
 / was intimately acquaint id with your Father, 
 your Grand-father was my very good friend, 
 Thefe were the Excellencies of Mr. Pow* 
 el's new farufuq, which he wore all the 
 Time of his Greatnefs. 
 
 C H A P T E R the Fifteenth. 
 
 NO W all ye tricking Mercurial Pow- 
 ers afTift my unequal Quill, warm 
 and enliven my Fancy, and irradiate all 
 my intellectual Faculties, that I may be a- 
 ble to paint out in their true Colours the 
 new Politicks, and deep Machinations of 
 Mr. Ro?.£kt Powel; who, by means of 
 my Lord 7 s, Lethargick Temper, was how 
 virtually become the greateit Man in Oti- 
 
 L 4 folis j 
 
1 6 8 The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 folis ; Cunning, Jtgglwg, and Deceiving, 
 were his peculiar Talents, and his Plots 
 grew larger as himfelf mounted higher ; 
 and now being a great Man, he fcorn'd 
 to be a little Knave. For as the Laws of 
 Perfpe&ive direcl: us to make all thofe 
 Paintings and Sculptures, which we place 
 at the Top of a great Edifice, far exceed- 
 ing the Life, which, if put in lower or 
 fmaller Buildings, would look frightful 
 and prepofterous ; fo the Ad ions and Per- 
 formances of Men are to be look'd upon in 
 the fame Proportion ; and the higher above 
 the common View a Man is, the more a- 
 bove the common Rules of Life his Actions 
 ought to be — And as a mean Fel- 
 low fhall prefently be hang'd for Crimes 
 that cannot be feen in a Minifter of State, 
 fo the Ruin of Kingdoms and Common- 
 wealths, are too itupendious for the Un- 
 dertaking of an ordinary Perfon. A little 
 Villain is fent to Execution if he picks 
 
 your Pocket ! but a Lord T- muft 
 
 be a very notorious Peculator if he is pu- 
 nifh'd. A Common Soldier is ihot to 
 Death if he deferts his . Colours ; but; a 
 
 G- 1 muit deliver up Colours and all to 
 
 the Enemy, if he is condemn'd. 
 
 To return to Mr. Powel——- The firft 
 thing he did, he fent to all the Augurs, 
 Jugglers, Conjurers, Soothjajers, Scriblers, 
 and PrcjtBors, of the City ; took them in- 
 to 
 
TheHi&ory of Robert Powel. 169 
 
 to Friendfhip, and fettled Penfions on 
 them out of my Lord's Revenue ; and here 
 I muft not omit the League he made 
 
 with the Hag Dips as. She being 
 
 both Bawd and Witch, ferv'd him and Ve- 
 nerio in a double Capacity Not on- 
 ly a (lifted them with Girls, and Strength 
 to fupply their Vicious Inclinations, but 
 alfo help'd them in their Ambitious and 
 Politick Defigns : For fhe fent about the 
 City,; Enchantments (made with black 
 Gall, and Diabolical Venom dawb'd on 
 Paper) on which whofoever lookM, whofe 
 Brains were not well ftorM with Senfe, 
 the Poyfon crept into him thro' his Eye- 
 lids ; and from that time forwards, bereft 
 of common Underftanding, he commen- 
 ced a wretched Tool of Mr. Powel's. This 
 Witch, by her Enchantments, pretended 
 to know others Secrets ; and as 'tis ufual 
 for the mod Criminal to cry Whore Firtf, 
 fhe, being both Whore and Witch, charged 
 feveral others with the fame Crimes. 
 
 The next Thing our Hero did, was, he 
 turned a Roficrucia??, and undertook to pay 
 my Lord's Debts, which were many and 
 great, with an Eftate he had found out in 
 the Moon i which in it had an inexhaufti- 
 ble Mine, capable of enriching every one 
 
 that couM come at it This Eftate he 
 
 farm'd out to a great many long-ear'd 
 Qtipoltw, who got very little by the 
 
 Bar- 
 
170 The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 Bargain ; others that were Creditors he 
 forced to take Bills upoo his Moon Miners, 
 and 'tis thought they will be anfwer'd as 
 foon as the Man in the Moon receives 
 them, to the great Satisfaction of thefe 
 wife Gentlemen. Nay, fo far he carry'd 
 this Moon Project, which I may well call 
 a Lunatick Enterprise, that when fome 
 Money had been given my Lord Mayor, 
 by the Court of Aldermen dnd Common Coun- 
 cil, to feize upon the Vineyard which I be- 
 fore mentioned , he perfwaded his poor 
 Lord, to apply it all in buying up (bme 
 Wings for Meffengers, which he wou'd 
 fend to his Moon Mine for Money ; But 
 the Project faiPd in the Execution, for be- 
 fore they cou'd arrive at tneir Journeys 
 end, the Wax, by which their Wings were 
 fixed on, melted, and down they dropt, 
 many into the Sea; and there were 
 drown'd; and the relt into their own 
 Land, and of thofe but few efcaped With- 
 out broken Legs or Arms This mad Un- 
 dertaking having fo fuitable an Event, 
 made all Mankind defpife the poor Lord 
 Mayor, who cou'd be lb ndiculoufly impo- 
 fed upon by his Steward, Mr. Powel. 
 
 But he, as Mifchief, is never fatisfy'd, 
 did not ftop here, but having fome under- 
 hand Dealings with old Reynard, the Go- 
 ve rnour of Dotvloprepia, he fends to him 
 privately to make up the Quarrel between 
 
 him 
 
The HiSiory of Robert Powel. 171 
 
 him and the Otipolians, which cou'd not be 
 done but by the confent of Lord Mayor % 
 Court of Aldermen and Common Council. 
 This being the boldeft Task he had hi- 
 therto undertaken, he was puzzled moil 
 egregioufly, and nothing but his happy 
 Deifiny, and an accidental piece of good 
 Fortune cou'd have carry'd him through 
 it — « — The Lord Mayor he took for 
 granted he cou'd make fure of, but how 
 to bring the Court of Aldermen and Com' 
 mon Council to ferve bis Turn he cou'd not 
 tell, l for he knew they wou'd not all agree 
 to deliver up the Mule to the Enemy ; 
 and which was worfe, fome Aldermen 
 who had fmelt his Defigns, began to make 
 a great ftir againft him, and his Intereft 
 was finking, when by a miraculous Acci- 
 dent his Difgrace was prevented. As he 
 was fitting in a Room with the Doors o* 
 pen, in came a mad Dog and bit him, and 
 had it not been for the Bone 'tis thought 
 he had quite fnapt off his Leg. Now, as 
 'tis ufual among the Indians, when a Wo- 
 man is deiiver'd of a Child, for the Man 
 to lye in, and feel all the Pangs of Child- 
 birth, while the Woman, free from Pain, 
 takes care of him ; fo Mr. Robert Pow- 
 el, though his Leg alone was bitten, yet he 
 efcaped all farther harm, while the Lord 
 Mayor, Aldermen and Common Council, or 
 at kaft the greater part of them were 
 
 feized 
 
172 The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 
 feized with that mad Dog Diftemper, by 
 the Learned called Hydrophobia : How this 
 came to pafs, whether by fimpathy, or by 
 means of the Witch Dipsas, or fome other 
 Caufe, I cannot tell ; but this Delirium fo 
 turned their Brains, that from accufing 
 Mr. Powel of great Crimes, they fell to 
 applauding his Merit ; and from a Common 
 Council Man out of Favour made him an 
 Alderman, and gave him a noble Houfe 
 to live in. Well « Now being an 
 
 Alderman he began to fifti out the Opinion 
 of his Brethren, but the more he fearch'd 
 the more perplex'd he was ; for though 
 the Aldermen were diftracled by means of 
 Mr. Powel's bite, yet by continually dip- 
 ping in Salt Water they began to recover 
 their loft Senfes. In the midft of thefe Po- 
 litick Dumps, up comes Lupercus, takes 
 him by the Hand, and thus accofts him. 
 
 * What, my noble Friend, are you out of 
 
 * Humour? Does wayward moody Dif- 
 f content fit upon that Politick Brow ? 
 
 * Do not your Affairs go well? Come, 
 4 fhake off this ufelefs Melancholy, and 
 4 attend to a Dream which I had lalt 
 
 * Night, that probably may divert you. 
 
 * With all my Heart, fays Mr. Powel, in 
 
 * a difmal, dilcontented Tone ; upon which 
 ' Lupercus proceeds. 
 
 1 Methought I fail'd in a little Boat, up a 
 ( broad River, whofe Banks were, adorn'd 
 
 ' with 
 
The HiBory 0/ Robert Powel. 1 73 
 
 with (lately Edifices, whofe lofty Spires 
 feem'd to threaten theiSkies themfelves ; 
 and as I fail'd, each Minute the Profpect 
 changing, added tothePleafureof theglid- 
 ing Stream, whofe Waves we had not long 
 lafh'd with the laborious Oar, but a mag- 
 nificent Houfe feem'd proudly to ftand 
 before us, built upon the watry Element, 
 and as it were declaring it felf to be Nep- 
 tune's Talace. I foon approach'd the 
 floating Fabrick, and perceiv'd the Cor- 
 ners fixt to four mighty Chains, which 
 were fteadily held to the Bottom by lour 
 robuft Tritons, who there attended in the 
 fhape of Anchors, Nereids and Naiads 
 too were there in numberlefs throngs, 
 ready to be boarded at Neptune's Com- 
 mands. 
 
 * On each fide of this Building was 
 written in Capital Letters, The Roy- 
 al Diversion; this fully confirm'd me 
 in my firft Opinion, that this was the 
 Neptunian Manfion , well knowing 
 what an Architect that God muft have 
 been, having built thofe mighty Walls 
 of Ilium, which withiiood the well boot- 
 ed Greeks in fuch manful wife for ten 
 long Years, and had remain'd impregna- 
 ble to this very Day, had it not been for 
 the Treachery of Antenor — • But 
 rvbat Fort if cations, what Bulwarks can witb- 
 fiand undermining Ireafon ? 
 
 1 T* 
 
1 74. The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 
 * To proceed, thefe Thoughts foon 
 vanifh'd on my coming clofe to the ima- 
 gined Palace, for asking one who ilood 
 at the Door what Place it was — , he 
 fmilingly anfwer'd us, that 'twas The 
 Folly, and that a Woman kept it, and if 
 we pleafed to walk in we fhould meet 
 with very civil Entertainment. Upon 
 this I afcended out of my Boat into the 
 Houfe, which I was no fooner enter'd, 
 than the Man who was at the Door ci- 
 villy conducted me to a Seat, and ask'd 
 
 me what I wou'd have I told him, 
 
 I wou'd fpeak with the Mifirefs of the 
 
 Houfe He anfwer'd, that Icou'd 
 
 not, for that fhe was learning a new 
 
 Song of her Organifi How, cry'd 
 
 I, does your Miftrefs keep an Organ — 
 Yes, Sir, fays he, and a very fine one — 
 Let me tell you, when it is well play'd 
 on, there is no Man in this Houfe can 
 forbear dancing, efpecially, when my 
 Mifirefs fings to it ; therefore take care 
 of your felf, by and by, for we fhall have 
 
 a Tune Prithee Friend, faid I, 
 
 fetch me a Bottle of Wine, for I muft 
 chat with thee about this fame Organ, 
 for I love Mufick extremely. 
 ' While the Fellow was away, I faw 
 and perceiv'd in my Dream, that the 
 Room was full of fundry Sorts of People, 
 and indeed a perfect Medley ; for at the 
 
 1 North 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powel. 1 7 5 
 
 North End were a parcel of Brawny 
 Fellows with Mantles about their Shoul- 
 ders, and blew Caps about their Heads. 
 Next to them fate a Company of Clow- 
 nilh look'd Fellows with leathern Breech- 
 es, and hob naiPd Shoes, full about 
 the Organ, which ftood in the South Eaft 
 part of" the Room, flood a vaft many 
 dapper Sparks, with huge powder'd Pe- 
 rukes, red heelM Shoes, laced Cravats, 
 and brocade Waitcoats, intermingled 
 like a Chefs-board, with Men in dark 
 long Habits, whofe red Faces were co- 
 ver'd with large broad Brim'd Hats, 
 which refembled a Stick of Charcoal 
 burning at one end, and betoken'd fu- 
 ture Combuftion, At the Southermoft 
 part of all, fate a Mixture of all the 
 Sorts aforefaid, and they feemM to be 
 queer ones pickt out of every Pack ; thefe 
 were all Vomiting and Retching, taking 
 oiLarduws, BenecUffu4 y Hjpocacuana, and 
 Crocus Metallorum. 
 
 f The Organ-Loft had a Curtain drawn 
 before it, fo that though the Inftru- 
 ment was vifible, yet you cou'd fcarce 
 fee what the Urganift and his Miftrefs 
 were doing. As I was viewing this, 
 my Man comes with the Wine, and af- 
 ter having drank, and feated himfelf, 
 
 began thus Sir, ai your requeft, 
 
 I ihall relate what I know concerning 
 
 * this 
 
76 The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 
 this Organ. You muft underftand, then, 
 that my Miftrefs is obliged to keep one 
 upon the Account of her Lu/lomers, with 
 Stops enough to fuit the Genius of each 
 Country from whence they come. 
 For Example. Thofe blew Caps delight 
 in a loud, fquawling, fnotching, muf- 
 fling Tone ; my Mijlrefs has a Set of 
 Pipes for them. Thofe Hob-nailed Boo- 
 bies loved a fcraping, drumming Noife, 
 like a Dulcimer or Fiddle ; my Miftrefs 
 has a Box of wooden Pipes to pleafe them.' 
 Thofe Beaus and black Coats are ftrange 
 admirers of a Harp, and there are, Sir, 
 two Stops, one of Brafs, and the other 
 of a mixt Metal, in the Organ, that go a 
 Welch Harp charmingly. And as for thofe 
 fick Gentlemen, they are perfect adorers 
 of & French Hautboy, and a double Cur- 
 tail, there is a great Sett of Iron gilt Pipes 
 for them. There are divers other Stops, 
 but I think they are not very perfed, 
 
 and feldom ufed Now every one 
 
 of thefe People, though they vary in 
 Opinion about the Stops of the Organ, 
 yet they all agree in the Applaufe of a 
 Voice, for which reafon my Miftrefs 
 lings — She has a very good Voice 
 indeed, but no Skill in Mufick, and 
 therefore only fings as the Organift teach- 
 es her. At this Time fhe is learning 
 a perfectly new Tune of our new 
 
 <0r- 
 
The HiSiory of Robert PoweJ. 177 
 
 Organift, and we expe£fc a wonderful 
 
 Performance What, cry'd I, have 
 
 you never heard this Orgamfl before ? 
 No, reply'd he, 'tis but a Day or two 
 ago, fince our Miftrefs turn'd away her 
 old Servant, becaufe he would not play 
 Mad Robin, which this Organift has 
 promifed to do. I will fay that for hira, 
 the old Organift was an excellent Mufi- 
 cian, but fomewhat of a Hurnourrft; 
 he wou'd have his own Way, and play 
 his own Turns, which his Enemies ac- 
 knowledged to be Harmonious. This 
 new OrgAfUfi, they fay, is a fhrewd, 
 cunning Fellow : How he plays upon an 
 Organ I cannot tell, but he tickles a 
 Welch Harp nicely. 
 
 4 Jutt here, I remember, one who fate 
 at the SourtiSide of the Room, holding 
 his Sides, and Retching with great. Vi- 
 olence* brought up feveral fcraps of 
 Paper ; on one I faw written in legible 
 Characters, 1 A. B, do fincerely ; upon 
 another, hath not any Right or title ; upon 
 a third, u Lawful and Rightful; and be- 
 fide thefe, fome other bits whofe Wri- 
 ting \v.i ; not to be read. 
 4 fray, Sir,' fays I, to my Companion, 
 wh>> lefe Emetick Gentry ? Have 
 
 tho n 'he French Diftemper,- and 
 
 n Or have they had 
 
 jome fucfa Thing* faid he, 
 M * they 
 
178 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 they have all been cixpt in their Time, 
 but that is not the occafionof their pre- 
 fent Illnefs. In the old OrganiJPs Time, 
 thefe were the moft hooting, noify Fel- 
 lows in the whole Houfe, and wou'd let 
 nothing be play'd but their fimple, dull 
 Tunes; upon which, to make them lefs 
 troublefom , the Landlord then (my 
 Miftrefs's Brother, who died fome Years 
 ago,) contrived fome Rolls of Parch- 
 ment, which have ftuck in their Throats 
 ever fince they fwallow'd them, that 
 they have not been able to call up one 
 Dance. But upon this new Orgamft*s 
 coming into Play (who has promifed to 
 play them any Tune that they fhall call 
 for, having provided a whole Sett of 
 Pipes for their Ufe) they have takeii 
 good (lore of Emeticks, that getting rid 
 of thefe curfed Rolls of Parchment, they 
 may be in a Condition both of calling 
 and dancing too. I warrant you'll hear 
 them call loud enough prefentiy. 
 ' In the middle of this Chat my Land- 
 lady appears, and having tuned her 
 Voice, She chanted an admirable Song to 
 the Satisfaction of all Hearers; and up- 
 on her withdrawing, the new Organifs 
 touch'd over the Organ, but to my dull 
 Apprehenfion it did not at all anfwer the 
 Character given it by my new Comrade. 
 Upon the Prelude's being ended, each 
 
 * Party 
 
The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 179 
 
 Party fell to bawling, and calling for 
 particular Tunes, the great Booby, 
 Hobnail'd Fellows, whofe Breeches and 
 Lungs feem'd to be of the fame Leather, 
 cry'd out for Chejhire Rounds , Roger of 
 Cover iy , Joan's Placket , and Northern 
 Nancy, Thofe with the blew Bonnets 
 had very good Voices, but being at the 
 fartheft end of the Room, were not fo 
 
 diftin&ly heard Yet they fpltt 
 
 their Wems in hollowing out — Bonny 
 Dundee , Valiant Jocky, Sawny was a Daw- 
 dy Lad, and "'twas within a Furlong of E- 
 dinborough Town, Thofe hard by the 
 Organ had ftrange, weak, and effemi- 
 nate Voices, but being near, and well 
 aflifted by the fturdy Lungs of the black 
 coated Fry, they were diftinctly heard to 
 call, Of noble Race was Shinkin, Chrift 
 Church Bells, the Duke of York'/ Delight l , 
 Welcome home old Rowley, the Kjtot^ and 
 the Hemp-Drejfers ; which la ft Dance I 
 thought wou'd not relifh long with 
 them. But the fpewing Gentry having 
 now clear'd their Throats, and Confer- 
 ences, began to bawl out very loud ■ ■ 
 Hear, hear, — Play Count Tallard, 
 Toung Jemmy, Wooden Shoes, Alamode de 
 France, and the Kjng fhall enjoy his own 
 again. In the midft of this general Hub- 
 bub, I obferv'd one (ingle Perfon parti- 
 cularly ftrain his Throat to ci y out, The 
 M 2 ' Marl- 
 
180 TheHiftoryof Robert Powel. 
 
 Mirlborough, when an unlucky Rogue 
 of a By-ftander knock'd him clear out 
 of the Window into the Water ; what, 
 faid he, ycu impudent Dog, muft we 
 have a Dance on purpofe for you, you 
 Rogue dance in the Water and be 
 damn'd. This ftrange Confufion laired 
 fome Time, when Mr. Orgamfl, after 
 fiience was proclaim'd, fpoke to them in 
 the manner following. 
 
 * Gentlemen ye are all my 
 
 Friends I wou'd oblige you all 
 
 It is impoffibls for me to play two Tunes 
 
 at once ; with fubmimon then I 
 
 conceive it I cannot play all thofe 
 
 Tunes you call for at prefent ■ I 
 
 fhou'd be proud of the Honour of find- 
 ing out an expedient but iince you 
 
 cannot all pitch upon one Tune I 
 
 beg leave to propofe one to you And 
 
 if you confent to it, my Mifirefs fhall fing 
 
 into the Bargain ■ What I wou'd 
 
 recommend, with all Deference to bet- 
 ter judgments, is, The iV/7 take the 
 Weirs This pleated all the Company, 
 who agreed this fhou'd be the Tune ; 
 but to the Conlternation of all prefent, 
 tiie Organ wou'd not go ; for tho' there 
 were Pipes enough or all Sorts, yet a- 
 bove half of them were not in a Key pro- 
 for that Tune. Down fat the poor 
 fbilorn OrggitiJ} in deep Defpair, raging 
 
 4 at 
 
The HiSiory of Robert Powel. 1 8 1 
 
 at himfelf for undertaking what he cou'd 
 not perform ; while fome of the Compa- 
 ny laugh'd, others curft and fwore, and 
 a third fort banter'd and jetted upon their 
 Difappointment. 
 
 ' We had not fate long, when from a 
 corner of the Room, I faw a venerable 
 Lady get up, by her Garb I cou'd not 
 guefs who fhe was, it being of all Co- 
 lours and no Colour, for like Proteus, 
 it changed every Moment ; and as I was 
 inform'd, was made of Camelions Skins; 
 fhe had a Reverend Countenance, but 
 fquinted moft dreadfully, to hide which, 
 fhe generally kept one of her Eyes fhut. 
 She was fluent in Speech, but feldom 
 told Truth, and when fhe imparted 
 a Secret, it was rather by Nods and 
 Shrugs than Words. Upon Enquiry 
 who the Lady was, my Neighbour in- 
 form'd me 'twas the great Lady Pa-. 
 nurgia, who being related to the Or- 
 ganift came to hear his firft Performan- 
 ces. Ah thought I, her Lady- , 
 
 fhip is baulk'd as well as we Ju(t at , 
 
 that Intrant I heard one cry, it wi/1 do . 
 
 at lafi •* i This made me look up , 
 
 towards the Organ-loft, where I fiw the 
 old Lady very clofe in confu.'t with her 
 
 Kinfman the Organift After fome 
 
 Time fpent in earned talk, i thought 
 
 they began to examine the Organ, pull- 
 
 M i < ing 
 
1 8 a The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 ing the Pipes about, they blew in them 
 fingle, and then put back fome, and 
 others from the lower Cafe they took and 
 removed into the upper. After they had 
 thus forted and fuited them, the old Wo- 
 man fumbling a while in her Pockety at 
 laft pulPd out a huge pair of Gold Stops, 
 telling the Organijt, that if he wou'd fix 
 them in, he wou'd find all go to his 
 
 Mind He did fo, and I do not 
 
 know that ever I heard an Organ go 
 
 truer than that did In fine ■ 
 
 He De 7 il take the Wars was play'd over 
 and over, and they fell to dancing and 
 romping from one end of the Room to 
 
 the other When on a fudden 
 
 one of them cry'd out, that by their ve- 
 hement Motions, a plank had ftarted, 
 and all were on the Point of being loft. 
 This Alarm made me look for my Boat, 
 and while I was calling for my Water- 
 man I awakM - This, Sir, was 
 my Dream. 
 
 ' And this Dream, quoth Mr. Powel, 
 thou didft dream for me, I underftand it, 
 
 and fliall follow its Advice Yes 
 
 The Golden Stops fhall make the Organ go, 
 and I'll put the Tipes in proper Order. 
 Farewel, this Thing admits of no delay. 
 Succefs attend you, quoth Lupercus. 
 
 CHAP- 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powel. 183 
 
 CHAPTER the Sixteenth. 
 
 T Aught by Lupercus's Dream, a- 
 way he hyes full fraight with 
 Politicks, Mifchievous, and mad to put 
 his defperate Projects in fudden Practice. 
 He immediately lets out for the Tavern, 
 his ufual Place of Confultation , when 
 any bold Stroak was to be (truck; 
 where having recruited his weary'd Spi- 
 rits with fome Burgundy, he calls up a 
 Drawer, a Comical Fellow, with whom 
 he ufed to play at Crambo. 
 
 Mat. Mat. Come hither Sir. 
 
 Drawer, Whither Sir ? 
 
 Mr. Pow. Here, bring me another Quart 
 of Wine ? 
 
 Draw. Right true and fine. 
 
 Mr. Pow. Get me Paper, Pen and Ink. 
 
 Draw. You fhali have it while you wink. 
 
 Pens and Ink being brought, and a Let- 
 ter being wrote, the Dialogue was conti- 
 nued as follows. 
 
 Mr. Pow. Take this Letter in your Poc- 
 ket, and flip away. 
 
 Draw, By Night or by Day? 
 
 Mr. Pow. By Night Sir. 
 
 Draw. Right Sir. 
 
 M 4 Mr. Pow*, 
 
184 The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 
 Mr.P<w. Goto Reynard, the Govemour 
 of Dowloprepia, tell him what an Efteem 
 
 I have for him, deliver this Letter . '< 
 
 Bring an Anfwer as foon, and privately as 
 'tis poffible — and do not deceive me. 
 
 Draw. If I do then ne'er believe me. 
 
 Mr. Potv. Well, before you go, here's a 
 Health to Reynard. 
 
 Draw. To ferve him I will (train hard. 
 
 After this witty Converfation away 
 goes the Drawer on this important Mef- 
 iage, and to Mr. Powel's great Content 
 brought back the following Anfwer. 
 
 Mj dear worthy Friend y 
 
 i t thank you for your kind Propofals — 
 1 ' I fhall not fail you - — — Depend 
 
 * on me I have fent you by the 
 
 c Bearer a large Basket of * Hrfperides, 
 
 * as a fmall Token of my Efteem and 
 1 Friendfliip. You muft fend me the 
 6 Mule of Qtipolis. I am your trufty 
 ' Friend, 
 
 Reynard. 
 
 * A Sort of Golden fruit much valued in thefe 
 Tarts. 
 
 p. s. 
 
 1 
 
The HiHury of Robert Powel. 1 8 5 
 
 P. 5. * I have refolv'd to fend a Friend 
 
 * to you incognito ; remember to introduce 
 
 * him and give the Cue to my 
 
 1 Lord's Porter, that he be not intercept- 
 1 ed or difcover'd. 
 
 Now here it muft be obferved, that 
 when a poor filly old Woman, for the 
 fake of Riches or Revenge, fells her felf 
 %o the Devil, fhe thinks to fend him of all 
 her impertinent Errands ; but when once 
 the Contract is fign'd, Ae muft for ever 
 be a Slave to the fame Fiend, and cannot 
 be at reft, till fhe has gone through all the 
 Drudgery his horrid Wickednefs can invent. 
 Juft fo the Cafe ftood between Reynard 
 and Mr. Powel, who loved one another 
 in the main juft as well as the Witch and 
 the Devil. That is, their Friendfhip con- 
 fifted in ferving themfelves. Reynard 
 loved Mr. Powel becaufe he could fell 
 good Bargains. Powel loved Reynard 
 becaufe he had Money to buy. 'Twas the 
 Intereft of the latter to keep up a Friend- 
 fhip with the other, and the former durft 
 not retrad or fall off; for Fear, by that 
 Means, his Villanies fhould be open'd to 
 the Eyes of the World. 
 
 Thus, like the Witch (whofe Soul is fo 
 mortgaged, that the Equity of Redemp- 
 tion is loreclosM) Mr. Powel was bound 
 
 to 
 
1 86 The HiSiory of Robert Powel. 
 to attempt any Project propos'd by Rey- 
 nard, were it ever fo bafeor treacherous, 
 were it ever fo prepofterous or impractica- 
 ble Well as the Epiftle com- 
 mands, Mr. Powel muft fend the Mule ; 
 for which vile Service he was to receive a 
 farther good Quantity of Reynard's Hef- 
 ferides. Now how to contrive to fend this 
 J3eaft, Mr. Powel could not tell. Before 
 he attempted it, he was refolved to bring 
 my Lord- Mayor into the Plot, but without 
 letting him know any thing more of the 
 Matter, than only that he defign'd to make 
 up the Quarrel between him and Rey* 
 nard, which my Lord Mayor, being of a 
 peaceable Difpofition, was willing enough 
 to have done. But to lull my Lord into a 
 farther Dependance on Mr. Powel's Sin- 
 cerity and Ability, and that he might ne- 
 ver after queftion his Actions, he plants 
 feveral of his own Creatures in the City 
 and Suburbs, in certain Places called * Co- 
 wofoles y or Ecchoing Places, whereby he 
 would make thofe Comopoles return what 
 Anfwers he pleafed, to the great Confir- 
 mation of my Lord- Mayors Folly, and the 
 Admiration of all the Otipolians ; for as all 
 Ecckoes'&vc but bare Repeaters of the Words 
 
 * "Thefe are reckon W Sacred and Oracular a- 
 viong the Tacupetheians, 
 
 juft 
 
The ffl&ofy of Robert PoweL 1 8 7 
 
 juft before pronounced, fo thefe Comopoles 
 (by Means of Mr. Powel's Accomplices; 
 not only repeated the Sentence juft before 
 expreft, but would make a Return in a 
 quite different Sentence. As for Example, 
 Should you fay, Shall my Lord-Mayor make 
 up the Quarrel ? a common Eccho would 
 anfwer, Quarrel. But inftead of that, here 
 you fhould have, We dutiful Comopoles leave 
 all to my Lord- Mayor's conjummate Wifdom, 
 which never did or can act amifs, while dire— 
 Bed by the wife and hone ft Mr. Powel. Here 
 is an Eccho for ye ! What Lord-Mayor 
 could withftand fuch an Eccho as this? 
 
 Tell me, for I allure you this Lord did 
 
 not t But throughly convinced of his own 
 Wifdom and Happinefs, in the Choice of 
 fo trufty and able a Servant, left all things 
 to the Management of Mr. Powel, with- 
 out ever troubling himfelf to enquire what 
 he did. 
 
 Now it was that Mr. Powel fent Lu- 
 pekcus in Form to deliver up the Vine- 
 yard, and Right of Pofleflion to the Mega- 
 lauchians ; which the Flamen did in the fol- 
 lowing manner. Being arrived in a Place- 
 appointed for the Meeting the Deputies 
 from Dowloprepia, he, inftead of a Roftrum, 
 mounts up into a Wine-Prefs y and before 
 as many People as could be gathered toge- 
 ther upon fo fhort a Warning, he makes 
 this Speech, 
 
 In 
 
1 8 8 The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 
 
 ' In the Name o£ Jupiter Ammony Amen. 
 I Lupe^cus, being of found Health, Senfe 
 and Underftanding, do, in this my laft 
 Will and Teltament, roundly give and 
 bequeath unco my good Friends the Me- 
 galauebian*, two things ; N*md^ firft, 
 all that Sp^t of Land tailed theVhejardy 
 with all the Vines growing thereon, to- 
 gether with all Appurtenances thereun- 
 to belonging- And namely y fecondly, 
 The Great Mule o/UtipoUs, which fhall be 
 deliver'd the firit Opportunity. And 
 now, Gentlemen, it is yoar own t'aulrs^ii 
 you do not keep PofTeflion of the firft, 
 namely, the Vineyard ; and if" you get not 
 Pofleffion of the latter, namely, rhe Mule. 
 
 The Anfwer to this Speech, becaufe it is 
 very fhort, we fhall here infert. 
 
 * Mr. Lupercus, we will endeavour to 
 * fee your Will executed : We hope Mr. 
 1 Powel will keep his Word ; for bon* 
 [ fide we will keep ours. 
 
 CHAP- 
 
The Hiftory of Robert Powcl. i 89 
 C H A P T E R the Seventeenth. 
 
 WHILE thefe things were tranfafr- 
 ing on the Dowloprrpian Side of the 
 Water, over comes a Gentle/nan »r >ni 
 Reynard the Governour, ro Utigofy H s 
 Name was Dion^sius, and k<„ was nearly- 
 related to theGtf^BAcciiiw, whom, lome- 
 time ago we left conful ring with j^lu^us, 
 for the Benefit of then Liue Adore; K^*- 
 
 NARD. 
 
 Strange was the Fq>upage this Diony- 
 sius appear'din; cii-i.i ie iihall fee down 
 a fmall Account of Jus • 
 
 ■ Pa//:, 11 ik. 
 
 The Manner hov : ' r ' ■■ * ' ; 
 
 That's Aims and, i- 
 His Horjes Vtr;» , 
 
 This Great Man,lii ctions 
 
 perfect from hi* Majt not far 
 
 from the Suburbs of where he 
 
 began his Cavalcade 1 ,c --Major's 
 
 Houfe, in nunnerfoiK 5. Firft, rode 
 aTojl-Bo), founding- u a French Horn a 
 Fox Chafe. Next toll wM a Gentleman 
 mafq'd, bold ng a Pm fe in his Hand, and 
 a Letter in it. Atter him, in decent Or- 
 der, 
 
190 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 der, follow'd Seven Hundred Thoufand little 
 Youths in yellow Liveries, with each of 
 their Pockets full of a fmall Seed called 
 Dijcordia y which is accounted one of the 
 quickeft Growers in the World ; thefe lit- 
 tle Brats Dionysius cali'd his Tellow Boys - 7 
 and indeed they were notable Rogues for 
 going on Errands. In the Rear of this 
 large Train marched Dionysius himfelf, 
 clothed in rich Brocade, interwoven with 
 Lillies ; on his Head he wore a Golden 
 Helmet, whofe Creft was a Capacious 
 Rummer, with Borage waving o're the 
 Brims, portending fudden Deftru&ion un- 
 to parching Thirft. By his fide he wore 
 a Scymiter, wrought all of that Metal 
 call'd Vermiel Doree, of fo great Virtue, 
 that no bright Turkish Blade, nay not that 
 with which the Macedonian Conqueror di- 
 vided the Gordian Kjiot^ could exceed ir, 
 in forcing its Way through all Obftacles. 
 
 Four Ladies attended him, two on each 
 fide ; their Names were Mademoifelle Belle- 
 jemblant^ La Putain, Finejfe, Dame Flatpe- 
 rie, and La Qoquine Menjonge : The two 
 former held Skreens in their Right Hands, 
 and the latter Pick-lock Keys in their Left, 
 and each of them in their other Hand a 
 Thyrfus. Behind came Efclavage, a Gigan- 
 tick raw-bon'd Fellow, with down-cart 
 hanging Looks, wearing only on his Head 
 a red Cap, and orj his Back-fide a Pair of 
 
 Drawers 5 
 
The Hiflory of "Robert Powel. 1 9 1 
 
 Drawers ; on his Legs Wooden Shoes, and 
 all the reft of his Body was naked, afte* 
 the manner of our antient Pitts ; for on 
 his brawny Back was painted the Goddefs 
 Patientid, to the Life, array'd in a ftriped 
 red, black and blue Gown : In his Right 
 Hand he held an Oar, his Left Hand grafp'd 
 a mighty Chain. In the midftof thefe 
 five rode the Great Dionysius, mounted 
 on a potent Steed : And as moft Hero's 
 Palfreys had their Names, fuch as that of 
 valiant St. George, the Englijb Champi- 
 on, the famed Don Quixot's, the renown- 
 ed Ctesar's, and the invincible Alexan- 
 der's, fo this bore the Name of Choir ocepha- 
 lus, whofe Vertues we fhall fpeak of by 
 and by. Thus equipt the Dorvloprepian 
 Hero march'd, and foon was met by Ve- 
 nerio and Maurus, whom Mr. Powel 
 had fent to conduct him to Otipolis. After 
 ufual Complements, they travel'd on the 
 Road together, diverting themfelves with 
 Difcourfe of Affairs : But they had not 
 gone far before they met with a huge Pile 
 of Faggots. Gentlemen, fays Dionysius, 
 to his Friends, I now will fhew you the 
 Power of fome Seeds I have brought with 
 me ; and with that, calling to his Teilorv 
 Boys, he bid them throw fome Difcordix, 
 into the Faggot-pile. That was no fooner 
 commanded than obey'd, and immediately, 
 to the Diverlioa of all the Company, the 
 
 Pile, 
 
191 The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 
 
 Pile, which lay in regular Order, begari 
 to move, and in vaft Hurry each Faggot 
 buttled to get on its End, ftriking and fight- 
 ing with its neighbour Faggot. Here 
 Boys, cried Dionysius, fling more Seed, 
 and upon this fecond Volly, the Withe 
 which held each Faggot burft, and upon 
 that the very Sticks, which before held 
 together in one Bundle, fell to belabouring 
 one another, in fuch a manner, that you 
 would have thought the Devi/, inftead of 
 being upon two Sticks, had been on Ten 
 Thoufand. In the midft of this Fray out 
 came the Owner of the Pile, who hap- 
 pen'd to be Conftable of the Hundred for 
 that Year, and with his brown Bill, in my 
 Lord-Mayor's Name, commanded the Peace. 
 In a trice he had a whole Cargo of Seed 
 flung upon him, which done, Mr. Con- 
 {table's Left Hand took hold of the brown 
 Bill, whicn his Right Hand had no mind 
 to part with ; and fuch a Quarrel arofe be- 
 tween the two Brother Fifts, that at laft, 
 not minding fo much what they contended 
 for, as Revenge, down fell the Enfign of 
 Authority, and to boxing they went ; till 
 falling upon the Brown Billy both the 
 Hands were chop'd off at once. Diony- 
 sius and his Company joggM on, ready to 
 burft their Sdes with Laughter. 
 
 A little farther they faw a Boar, which 
 {food at Bay, almoft over-power'd by a 
 
 Pack 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 1 9 3 
 
 Pack of Dog?, fome of whom had feiz'd 
 him by the Throat. Dionysius, to di- 
 vert his Companions, order'd forrfe of his 
 Seed to be fcatter'd among the Pack, upon 
 which they all left their Prey, and fell up- 
 on one another ; till having fpent their 
 Strength in this Civil War, they were in- 
 continently devour'd by the Boar, who 
 in the mean Time had recover'd. 
 
 Several of thefe Pranks did Dionysius 
 play in his Road to Otipolis, whofe Inha- 
 bitants he afterwards diverted to an ex- 
 ceeding Degree ; for he was one of the 
 moft pleafant Fellows in the Univerfe, 
 having a jolly red Nofe, bloated Cheeks, 
 fparkling Eyes, a protuberant Tun of 
 Guts ; and being a Man full of Frolicks, 
 who, though he was a defigning, plotting 
 Fellow at bottom, yet feem'd to be no 
 more than a merry, toping Companion. 
 One that cou'd converfe with all Ranks 
 from a Lord to a Tinker ; from a grave Al- 
 derman in a Meeting, to a Rake in affaiy- 
 dy Houfe. 
 
 For when he jefted— * y Twas breaking cf Win- 
 dows. 
 When he frolick'd — 'Tiros Mohocking. 
 When he broke Wind 'Twos Wit. 
 
 upwards ■ 
 When dGwnwards — 'Twas Proverbs and 
 
 old Saj/ings. 
 N When 
 
194 The H'ft°V °f Robeit P ° We1 ' 
 When he quarrel'd - Tw* fmd Beer. 
 When he wept Tim» Tears of the 
 
 Tankard. 
 
 When he talk'd Twi empty Glaffes. 
 
 -When he drank — Tn> as full Gallons. 
 When he took Phy- Taw >/»w*. 
 
 WhenheflepT 'Twas Benchers and 
 
 Aldermen. 
 When he waked — Tw* «^ Hm^. 
 When he walked ^Tw as Country Dances. 
 When he danced —'IW round the Table. 
 WhenheyawnM -\Tw as for Bumpers 
 When he fneez'd -'^ ring the Bell 
 When he laugh'd '**£** * ^7f 
 WhenheinnTd Taw /»** - iwjfc/*/ 
 
 When he untrufs'd a Taw pure Gold. 
 Point ■ 
 
 When he took Snuff 'Twos bad Wine. 
 
 When he fmoak'd — 'Twos a Tipe of Ca- 
 nary. 
 
 When he run 'Twas out at Heels. 
 
 When he fung Taw old Chiron. 
 
 When he fpit TW muddy Me. 
 
 When he fpew'd — ^hvas Country Squires. 
 
 When he fate Taw Gout or Rheu- 
 
 matifin. 
 
 When he went to Taw two of the Clock. 
 Bed 
 
 His 
 
The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 195 
 
 His trufty Steed, Coir oceph alas, was no 
 lefs remarkable than Dionysius himfelf, 
 for he eat nothing but Grapes, and fome^ 
 times Apples and Sloes ; he pift nothing 
 
 but pure French Claret, and Sh 1 
 
 nothing but Mufl ; and for that reafon, 
 there was always a Plug in his Breech, 
 which his Matter Dionysius wou'd often 
 pull out for the Entertainment of the Mob, 
 referring what came from the other part 
 for his foaking Friends, who might love 
 good old Wine. 
 
 As foon as Dionysius came to the City 
 of Otipolit, he fteer'd his Courfe directly 
 to the Lord Mayor's, whom he prefented 
 with a large Box of his Matter Rey- 
 nard'j Pictures, together with feveral 
 Hampers of HeCptrides. Then he led 
 his Horfe, Coirocephalus, down into my 
 Lord's Cellars, and made him pifs all the 
 VelTels there full of Claret, which faved 
 abundance of Money that Year. After 
 that he vifited Alderman Powel at his own 
 Houfe, where he flip'd down his Breeches, 
 and filled all the Alderman's Chefis With 
 that which is better than Civet, as I told 
 you before* In the mean time, the little 
 yellow Boys fcatter'd themfelves all over the 
 City, fowing the Seed which they had 
 brought with them • fo that while Diony- 
 sius was cultivating all the Friendfhippofli- 
 ble between my Lord Major, Mr. Powel, 
 N % Rey- 
 
1 96 The Hiftoryof Robert Powel. 
 
 Reynard, and himfelf, his yellow Boys 
 had fet the whole Town in deep Enmity 
 and jarring Difcord : Nothing but Com- 
 plaints, Accufations,Curfing and Swearing 
 were to be heard. If an old Woman fpilt 
 her Broth, or had the Cat overturn'd her 
 Furmety Kettle, fhe curs'd her Neighbour 
 
 as the Caufe of it. D n it, cries 
 
 one, if Jack fuch an one had not crofs'd the 
 way my Horfe had never died. Pox take 
 you, fays another, if your Bitch of a Wife 
 had not fcolded to Day, we might have 
 had fair Weather. Oh, Rot ye, fays a 
 Third, my Corns had never ached, if you 
 had not eat thofe curfed Onions. Oh, 
 Plague, fays a Fourth, I had not loft my 
 Ship, if the damn'd Son of a Whore of a 
 Mafler had not whittled, and fo made a 
 Storm. Thus were People bufied in find- 
 ing fault with one another, and laying all 
 their Misfortunes, right or wrong, at 
 their Neighbour's Door. Which Humour 
 Dionysius encouraged, by difperfing his 
 Seed, while Mr. Powel ply'd the main 
 Affair with all poflibie haft and diligence. 
 
 CHAP- 
 
The HiSlory of Robert Powel. 1 9 7 
 
 CHAPTER the Eighteenth. 
 
 MR. Alderman Powel had often at- 
 tempted to win his Brother Aider- 
 men, and the Common Council, but as yet 
 
 cou'd never bring them to his Beck 
 
 Now becaufe the Common Council were the 
 larger! Company, made up of the moft 
 noify, bawling Fellows, he firft threw a- 
 mong them fome of Reynard's Hefperides, 
 which they caught as greedily at, as hun- 
 gry Dogs wou'd at a piece of Beef or 
 Mutton. And 'twas obferv'd among 
 them, that thofe who raved moft again It 
 Bribes, were the readieft to take them, 
 which had almoft perfwaded me to think, 
 that our Patriot Speeches, now a Days, were 
 
 no more than Pieces of Irony Well — 
 
 This Management foon brought a vaft 
 Majority of the Common Council to be Mr. 
 Powel's Creatures, So that rvhatfoever he 
 proposed, they pre fently approved of The 
 
 Aldermen were the only Perfons whom he 
 cou'd not manage, for they being rich 
 Cuffs, and Perfons of Honour, refufed our 
 Hero's glittering Offer. And now it was, 
 that he began to put in Pra&ice that part 
 of Lupercus's Dream concerning remo- 
 N 1 ving 
 
1 98 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 ving fome Pipes from the Lower Cafe into 
 the Upper, for immediately he procures a 
 Set of Fur-Gowns and Gold Chains, and 
 thefe Emblems of Jldermanjbip he beftows 
 on a whole Drove of his Common Council 
 Tools, who were not only proud of the 
 Honour, but glad of an Opportunity to 
 ferve their generous Benefactor. Thus 
 he dubbs or creates, which you pleafe to 
 call it, an artificial Majority of Aldermen, 
 which for diftin&ion fake we fhall for the 
 future call Rump Aldermen. 
 
 This every one declared to be a bold 
 ftroak, for there never had been a Prece- 
 dent of fuch a Thing in all the Otipolian 
 Records. But what fignified that to Mr. 
 Powel, whofe Guilt and Cowardice drove 
 him to commit any Action that wou'd 
 ferve his prefent Occafions. 
 
 Thus it always happens when Quacks 
 and Juglers are trufted with Conftitutions, 
 which whilft they pretend to cure, they 
 never fail of deftroying. 
 
 Places of Truft require Men of Con- 
 ftancy and Courage, whereas Trickfters are 
 everlajling Cowards ; and thofe bold Jlroaks 
 which the vulgar interpret as Marks of 
 Courage, are nothing but the Effects of 
 Fear ; and 'tis by thefe that we know the 
 timorous Villain. 
 
 So 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powel. 1 99 
 
 So when a Woman is engaged in a def- 
 perate and wicked A&ion, ihe is apt to be 
 the firlt that counfels Barbarity ; and fel- 
 dom fhall you hear of a female Robbery with- 
 out Murder : And what can the reafon of 
 this be ? Nothing but the fearfulnefc of 
 the Sex. 
 
 It was not the Saying of brave Caesar, 
 
 Vtinam Voyulm Romanus unam Cervicem 
 haberet. 
 
 No but 'twas the vile Wifh of that 
 
 cowardly Tyrant Caligula. Thus trai- 
 terous CorVards do more Mifchief than the 
 boldeft Enterprize of a generous, valiant 
 Enemy. 
 
 And thus it is when an upftart Wretch 
 fwhofe Tricking and Falfhood have joggled 
 him into Powerj has committed one E- 
 normity, his Fear (hall make him not 
 only wifh one Neck to a People, but actu- 
 ally betray a whole Kingdom, and facri* 
 flee many thoufand Necks to fave his own 
 worthlefs, fcoundrel Head : The lofs of 
 which, duly confider'd, wou'd fcarce be a 
 fufficient Recompence for the Death of 
 
 a Dog To return from whence [ 
 
 digrefs'd. 
 
 All the Otipolians, though otherwife 
 
 dull and unthinking Sots, ftood amazed 
 
 at this extraordinary Proceeding ; fome 
 
 N 4 thought 
 
aoo The HiBory of Robert Powel; 
 
 thought the advifer of it wou'd certainly 
 be put to Death ; others believ'd the Court 
 of Aldermen wou'd not admit thefe new In- 
 truders ; but all agreed it was a mortal 
 Stab to the Conftitution, and wou'd make 
 the Court of Aldermen as much a Cypher 
 as they had been once before upon a quite 
 different Qccafion. In fhort, the old Al- 
 dermen were out-voted in every Point, by 
 means of fome falfe Brethren among them- 
 felves, who joyn'd with thefe Rump Alder- 
 men, and faw their Liberties in a fair way 
 to be ruin'd ; but alas, there was no help 
 for it, the poor Lord Mayor was grown 
 blind, and faw not what a Viper he had 
 taken into his Bofom. 
 
 And here I cannot but infert a Comical 
 Accident that happened much about this 
 Time. Mr. Powel fends round to the 
 Lord Major, Aldermen, and Common Coun- 
 cil Men to invite them to a nice Dinner, 
 which he wou'd give them, drefs'd up by 
 a French Cook, that was come to him from 
 Europe, and done Alamo de de Parts, 
 
 Accordingly, on the fir ft Day of April, 
 being the appointed Time, my Lord 
 mounted on his great Mule ^though now 
 an Afs) with his long Sword and Cap of 
 Maintenance, came together with the Al- 
 dermen, and all the other Guefts in their 
 Pontificalibus. When they were arrived 
 at Alderman Powel's Houfe, with hun- 
 gry 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert Powel . 201 
 
 gry, expecting Stomachs, down they fate, 
 and prefently fome fell to chipping their 
 Bread, fome to whetting their Knife and 
 Fork together ; fome to making Circles, 
 Squares, Secants, Tangents, and other 
 mathematical Figures at the bottom of 
 their Plates, while others were twirling 
 their Plates round upon the point of their 
 Fork, others playing fome jejune Ditty 
 with their Fingers on the Table ; others 
 tying and untying their Band-ftrings ; 
 fome wou'd be whittling an old Ballad, 
 fome humming, fome taking Snuff, fome 
 biting their Nails for Anger that Dinner 
 was not come, and fome playing with 
 
 their B s like Monkeys, while others 
 
 were flaying their Appetites with a Cruft, 
 and my Lord was whetting it with a Bot- 
 tle of Rhenifh. In the midft of thefe 
 Ant epr an dean Amufements, Mr. Powel 
 comes in, and tells them with a folemn 
 Face; ' Gentlemen , I am extreamly 
 grieved that my Cook let fall a Bottle of 
 Catchup, by which means you can have 
 no Dinner to day, but if you will ho- 
 nour your Friend Powel next Week 
 with your Companies, you fhall fee the 
 niceft Entertainment I can provide for 
 you ; to give you a bad Meal after thefe 
 Promifes will be treacherous, fcandalous, 
 and vilLanou* ; and if I did fuch a Thing, 
 I fhou'd deferve to have a Kjtife flung at 
 * my Head, This 
 
201 The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 
 This faid, with fad, grumbling, hungry 
 Gizards, all the Company departed in 
 Peace ; but footh'd with Mr. Powel's 
 fmooth Tongue, and having fome of that 
 given them which makes the Mare to go, 
 thefe Fellows who had no more Senfe than 
 an Horfe, came on the fecond appointed 
 Day, expecting a Feaft, if ever they read 
 
 him ; fuch as Varro defcribes viz. 
 
 Peacocks from Samos, Phrygian Turkeys, 
 Cranes from Melos, Ambracian Kids, Tar- 
 tefian Mullets ; Trouts from Peffinuntium y 
 Tarentine Oyfters, Crabs from Chios ; Ta- 
 tian Nuts, JEgypian Dates, Iberian Cheft- 
 nuts, &c Then at laft out comes this long 
 expected Diu mulium^ae desideratum, and 
 much vaunted Dinner. 
 
 Parturiunt Montes, nafcetur Ridiculm Mus. 
 
 My Lord Mayor, who fate at the upper 
 end of the Table, had a couple of Ortolans, 
 and a bottle of Wine fet before him ; the 
 reft had a few little Difhes of ragoo'd 
 Frogs, together with an innumerable Com- 
 pany of Snails, Toads, Vipers, Maggots, 
 Snakes, Worms, Spiders, Flies, Flea's, 
 Lice, ind all other Sort of Vermin done up 
 in Pafte, in the form of Caitles, Towns, 
 Fortifications, Ships, &c. which made 
 every one fick that tailed them, and pre- 
 fently fet fome to fpewing , retching , 
 
 cough- 
 
The Hi Story of Robert Powel. 203 
 coughing, freezing, farting, filling, purg- 
 ing, grumbling, ranting, raving,qtiarrelling, 
 fighting, and the Ferment in the end grew 
 fo high, that Mr. Powel had been Detvit- 
 tedy had not Dionysius's yellow Become 
 into the Room at that Inftant, who made it 
 out to them plainly that this was European 
 Cookery, and that if they did not like it, 
 the fault was in their bad Palates, that 
 were not accuftomep! to fuch Delica- 
 cies. 
 
 Much about this Seafon, MinheerVAN 
 Vryheyd, an honeft old Gentleman, who 
 lived in a Fenny Seat of his own, called 
 Batrachy, fent a Letter to my Lord Mayor, 
 who was his old Friend, to inform him 
 what a Rogue Mr. Powel was, which 
 being intercepted by Venerio, heapply'd 
 it to his proper Occafions. The honeft 
 fiatrachian receiving no Anfwer to his 
 Letter, fends another, which we have 
 the Copy of, and therefore (hall infert it 
 
 here. 
 
 ' My Lord, 
 
 1 r TpHE ancient Friendfhip, and good 
 
 ' Correfpondence that has been 
 
 ' held between us, and the true Concern 
 
 ' I have for your Welfare, have occafion'd 
 
 < this 
 
r so4 The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 
 
 * this Trouble. I am old I fore- 
 
 < fee my End approaching, and my Utter 
 1 Days are mar at hand* 
 
 ' I underftand that your Lordfhip has 
 
 * icceiv'd a Prefent of Hejprid.es from 
 1 Reynard, the Governoar of Dowloprepia, 
 
 * Ah I my Lord 
 
 \ Tirneo Danaos & Dona ferentes. 
 
 c The Gifts of Enemies are but Hooks to 
 
 * entrap you, to lead you into fome Snare, 
 
 * or (hameful Engagement. Avoid ■ 
 
 1 Avoid thefe new deceitful, and dange- 
 ' rous KindnefTes, from an Enemy whofe 
 4 Intereft it is to draw you off from old 
 € Friendjhips I fear the EfTe&s of 
 
 * his Prefent for thefe Helper ides 
 
 1 are a more bewitching Fruit, than the 
 
 * Apple, which the Jews fay, ruined our 
 
 * firit Parents. 
 
 6 Confider this, my dear Lord, examine 
 
 < your Servants Actions, and by them you 
 c will find your Friends, your Citizens, 
 
 * and your felf moft horridly abufed. 
 
 * Pray hearken to your fteady, old Friend, 
 
 * who is, was, and ever will be ready to 
 f ferveyou, 
 
 Vryheyd; 
 
 This 
 
The Hiftoryof Robert Powel. 205 
 
 This Epiftle he fent by his own Man, 
 
 who deliver'd it to my Lord Mayor bimfelf 9 
 who deliver'd it to Monfieur Fadle, who 
 deliver'd it to Mr. Powel, who return'd 
 an Anfwer in my Lord's Name thus — . 
 
 Mr. Vryheyd, 
 
 1 T" wonder what Malicious, Ill-minded 
 A ' Son of a Whore told you, that I had 
 
 * receiv'd a Prefent from Governour Rey- 
 ( nard ■ I tell you pofitively 'tis a 
 ' damn'd Lie, I have not feen the Value 
 
 * of a Cow's Thumb of his Fruit. I muft 
 ' tell you, that you are very fawcy and 
 
 * impertinent to meddle in other Peoples 
 
 * Affairs. Belides, you are a cur fed Cheat, 
 1 and a Feljow that never perfbrm'd your 
 ' Promife. 
 
 4 You need not fear the Effects of Rey- 
 
 * nard'j Gifts, for you fee I am your 
 ' Friend, and 'tis your Fault, you Pup- 
 4 py, if I do not continue fo ■ kifs 
 
 * my A e I will not quarrel 
 
 * with you, you ill manner'd Booby, but 
 ' fball certainly follow your kind Advice, 
 
 * and you fhall have no reafon to com- 
 ' plain of, 
 
 lour humble Servant , &c. 
 
 This 
 
so6 The tliflory of Robert PoweL 
 
 This elegant Epiftle was not given to 
 Minheer Van Vryheyd's Man , but 
 fent by an old Butter- woman, who calling 
 at his Houfe, deliver'd it to him. He was 
 mightily furprifed at the Contents, and 
 fent feveral other Letters, none of which 
 were anfwered or regarded ; and here I 
 think it will be needlefs to trouble my Rea- 
 der with a long Detail of Letters written, 
 or Speeches made to the Courts of (Alder- 
 men and Common Council, upon Mr. Pow- 
 el's unwarrantable Proceedings ; who in 
 Spight of daily Experience, voted all Rea- 
 jon, Senfe, and Truth, which was not for 
 Mr. Powel's Purpofe, to be nothing elfe 
 but Lies, Nonf'enfe, and Malice. And be- 
 caufe I will not pafs for a Romancing 
 Hiftorian, I will here fet you down fome 
 Afrs of Common Council, which are left as 
 (landing Rules for other Common Councils 
 to go by ; I mean fuch, whofe Confcien- 
 ces, like common Strumpets, are to be 
 proftituted for Money. 
 
 Firft As an Inftance of their Ju- 
 
 ftice, Maurus, Alderman Powel's Foot- 
 man was complained of, for picking a 
 Lady's Pocket, and the Fa£l was proved 
 upon him, for which they threaten'd to 
 hang up the poor Woman. 
 
 They made an Ad:, that Debtors fhou'd 
 all be releafedout of their Prifons ; with a 
 Non-obflante—* That they fhou'd pay 
 
 the 
 
The Hiflory ^Robert Powel. 107 
 the Money they owed their Creditors, to 
 
 Mr. Powel's Clerk This releafed a- 
 
 bundance. 
 
 The Common-Council, a lfo fettled ma- 
 ny Maxims (which, like a Choak-pear 
 Creed, compofed to make Hereticks) they 
 forced on all their Members, turning out 
 of their Body all who wou'd not fubfcribe 
 to them. 
 
 The Otipolian Common-Coun- 
 cils Maxims. 
 
 1 
 
 higgling and Shuffling are certain Signs of 
 Honefty and T 'lain- dealing. 
 
 'Betraying Secrets to the Enemy ', is a Sign 
 of a faithful Minifter. 
 
 To receive Penfions,, is the Token of an m- 
 corrupt Patriot. 
 
 To take ^Bribes of the Enemy, is true Toll- 
 ticks. 
 
 The Way to make Men fee, is to pit out 
 their Eyes. 
 
 To beat the Enemy, is not to fight him. 
 
 To borrow Money, and never fay, is the way 
 to reftore Credit. 
 
 To ajjift an Ally, is to leave him in the Lurch 
 to be beat. 
 
 To end a War with Honour, is to fend a Ge- 
 neral with a Commijfion not to fight. 
 
 Thefe 
 
io8 The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 Thefe, with feveral others, too long 
 here to infert, were the Maxims of that 
 Mercenary Common Council , who after a 
 great deal of Scuffle, Pro and Con y did mi- 
 ferably abufe Minheer Van Vryheyd's 
 Man Warheit, whom he had fent to 
 fpeak with them ; and after they had cru- 
 elly mauled him, without hearing what 
 he had to fay, they banifhed him their 
 City. 
 
 CHAPTER the Nineteenth. 
 
 ASpaniJh Bravo once pay'd, thinks it 
 a difhonourable Piece of Injuftice y 
 not to perpetrate the Murder he was hi- 
 red for. And can thofe wicked Parricides, 
 who have receiv'd Premiums to deftroy 
 their Conftitution, ftand lefs upon their 
 TunBo^s in fuch an Occafion, than a Sf a- 
 ntjh TSravo? No — for when Men once 
 violate their firft Modefty, and fell their 
 Confcience, they commence fuch aban- 
 don'd Villains, as not to ftart at the moft 
 deteftable Actions, when they fee a Pro- 
 fpett of prefent Benefit, or of conferring 
 further Obligations on their Pay-Mafters. 
 This Mr. Powel very perfectly under- 
 ftood, having himfelf experienced that 
 Confcience and Modefty, like a Maiden- 
 head, 
 
The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 209 
 
 head, when once loft, are never truly to 
 be found again : and a Man that has once 
 fold himfelf, never fticks at any thing, or 
 pretends Confcience on any other Score, 
 than what a Strumpet counterfeits Mo- 
 defty for, I mean to enhance the Trice ; 
 but pay them that, and all their Scruples 
 are in a Moment fled. 
 
 On this Score he knew the Majority of 
 the e/ildermen and Common Council were 
 his obfequious Tools, and even ready to 
 do more than he required of them. How- 
 ever, he refolved to break his Project to 
 Hiem, in fuch a manner, that fhou'd it 
 mifcarry, he might himfelf efcape, and 
 only leave his Mercenaries to bear the 
 Brunt. Accordingly one Day, in full Af- 
 fembly, he thus befpoke them ; < Gentle- 
 
 * men whatever People may think, I 
 
 * fay, that to deliver the Vineyard to old 
 ' Reynard, is foolijh, knavifh, and villa- 
 
 * nous ; and whofoever adviles it, ought to 
 6 be hanged — I declare I am againft it — 
 
 i It is but my fingle Opinion After 
 
 4 this, you may do juft what you fhall 
 ' think good. This faid, he tip'd the 
 Wink upon Venerio, who immediately 
 went round, and informed them, that 
 Mr. Powel only fpoke by the Figure Irony, 
 and that they ihou'd make up the Quarrel, 
 
 and deliver up the Vineyard which 
 
 they did without more ado, though in 
 
 O Truth 
 
a i o The Hifiory 0/ Robert PoweJ. 
 
 Truth, 'twas ready done to their Hands. 
 Well — • The Train-bands were fent for 
 home, and the Megalauchians had quiet 
 PoiTeflion of their Vineyard, but Rey- 
 nard knowing that otherwife he never 
 cou'd be fecure, ftiil infifted upon having 
 the OtipoJian Mule in his Hands. 
 
 Now this TrojeB was fo hafe y that Mr. 
 Powei. durft not truft his Riqnf oAlfer- 
 men, and Common Council with it ; nay, 
 fcarceanyofhis own Confidents, knew it, 
 bs.fides his Friend Veneriq, his trufty 
 Footman Maurus, and the Non-confcien- 
 ced 'Bonze e, or Flanzen Lupercus, wh§ 
 all came to the following Refolution, ' That 
 •Reynard, the Governor of r Doifo)op'^fia > 
 4 fhould fend over a little Kjnfman of his,at- 
 ' tended by fome more Megalauchians^ all 
 i dreft in an Otipolian Garb j and the. KinC 
 **man himfelf fhould be dreft in the Habit 
 ' of a Lord Mayor-, for the Mule, though a 
 
 * dull Bead:, wou'd let no Body mount him 
 
 * but the Lord, Mayor himfelf, or whom my 
 1 Lord efpecially appointed— r~r XWs they 
 fent Word of to Reynard,, who pro- 
 mifed upon the Ipay appointed, to fend his 
 Kjnjmau dreft, and attended as they de- 
 fired. Mr. Powel upon this, to amufe 
 thofe who might pry into lys Attions,, i£ 
 they had nothing, elfe- to do*, gave Money 
 for Bonfires, Fire- works, and Illuminati- 
 ons, which wholly took up the Minds of 
 
 the 
 
The, Hiftoyy of Robert Povvel. 2 1 f 
 
 the giddy Mob. DiOnystus likewife 
 mounts his Horfe Coirocephalus, and like 
 a Champion on a Coronation Day, when 
 he challenges every one, aj^d is fure no 
 body will fight him ; or like a Lord Mayor 
 on a Show- day ; or like a Colonel of the 
 Train'd-Bands on the Artillery Ground ; 
 or like that merry Fellow Pinkethman 
 on an Elephant ; or like Nicholini, 
 when he kills a Lion in Recitativo ; or like 
 the King at Stocks -Market ; or like T>itto 
 at Charing Crofs ; or like St« George on 
 Horfeback; or like (and indeed liked: of 
 all) Bacchus on a Tun, the aforefaid Di- 
 onysius rides out into the Streets, and 
 pulls the Plug out of his Horfes Poneriors, 
 where the Mob in mighty Throngs at- 
 tended the falling of what came out, feme 
 with GlafTes, fome with Cups, Flaggons, 
 Jugs, black Jacks and Mugs, fome pulPd 
 oif their Shoes, fome their Boots, fome 
 their Caps and Hats, fome caught with 
 their Hands, whilft the moft greedy open'd 
 their Mouths, and clapping them clofe to 
 his Touch-hole, hung like Leaches, till 
 thruft away by others of as thirfty Con- 
 ftitutions. 
 
 Now this Horfe Coirocephalus had a 
 Trick, that he wou'd fometime look a- 
 bout, and if he efpy'd any one who had 
 drank more than his Share, he would lift 
 up his Heel, and with one Knock on the 
 O 2 Fore- 
 
^ 1 1 The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 
 
 Forehead, lay him down as flat as a Floun-* 
 der. At this time, he had a great deal 
 of Work of this kind, for he knock'd down 
 feveral thoufands that Day, who lying 
 on the Ground, ftunn'd with his Blows, 
 and weltring in the red Liquor, which 
 they had drank, and fpew'd up, look'd like 
 the fad Signals of a cruel Battle there 
 fought. 
 
 While the People were thus taken up, 
 Mr. Powel remembred his Promife to 
 Reynard; and therefore having put the 
 Lord Mayor to Bed, he went to prepare e- 
 very thing for the Delivery of the MuJe, 
 according to the Appointment before- 
 mention'd. 
 
 To this End, having found Venerio 
 and Maurus, with them he goes to the 
 Stable, intending to Shoe the TaJJive Beaft, 
 with Wood, inftead of Iron, that he might 
 make the lefs Noife, when he was carry'd 
 
 off. Well to the Stable Door he comes, 
 
 where ftanding fome time with his two 
 Companions, a Wind, which blew him no 
 good, arofe, and drove fome of that Seed 
 f Di[cordia > which I before- mention'd a- 
 mongft them. 
 
 That had no fooner happen'd, than Ve: 
 nerio and Mr. Powel fell to quarrelling, 
 who fhou'd put on the Mule's new Shoes. 
 Venerio fwore, and Powel ftampt; 
 * You pimping Dog, fays~the former, what 
 
 ' do 
 
The Hifiory of Robert Powel. 2 1 3 
 
 * do you pretend to Shoe the Mule for ? It 
 
 * is not your Bufmefs and be d d to 
 
 < you— Why you rotten Fumbler, do 
 
 * you pretend to be a Carpenter, reply'd 
 the other, am not I the only Jack of all 
 
 4 Trades that you have, and pray do you 
 
 * forget that you owe your Bread to me — 1 
 Upon this, to boxing they went, and Ve- 
 nerio being a. Coward, had certainly come 
 by the worft, but Maurus ftept in, 
 and with one Blow of an Iron Bar, broke 
 Mr. Powel's Back-bone ; and indeed there 
 he wou'd have died, had not Mercury in 
 the Shape of a Carpenter, taken his Vo? 
 tary away. 
 
 Mr, Powel being thus removed, Ve- 
 kerio with his new hir'd Footman Mau- 
 rus, enter'd the Stable, and fell to fhooing 
 the Mule. But as III Luck attends Vih 
 lains in the End, fo while Venerio wa> 
 putting on the Wooden Shoes prepared by 
 Reynard for the Mule, not taking due 
 Care of his Neck, he entangled himfelfin 
 the Halter that tied the Beaft to the Man- 
 ger, which ftrangled him fo foon, that 
 when Maurus, who was getting ready 
 the Bridle, came to his Afliftance, he found 
 him Breathlefs, and his Breeches full of 
 Courage, 
 
 Oh! fuitable End of fuch afitlful fca&Ja- 
 Iqus Life! 
 
 O] In 
 
a 14 The Hifiory 0/ Robert Powel. 
 
 In the mean time, the poor Mob were 
 fo far poifon'd with what came from Coi- 
 rocefhalus*s Breech, that they all run Mad • 
 fome hang'd, others drown'd, a third fort 
 frabb'd themfelves. In fhort, the Place 
 was in a fair Way of being made a Defart, 
 when, in a happy Hour arriv'd an High 
 German 'Do&or of extraordinary Fame and 
 
 Skill To him they all applied, and 
 
 fecundum art em he prefcrib'd to each one 
 accorcjing to his Constitution proper Me- 
 dicines As for Example, To all Mr. 
 
 Powel's Tools, and efpecially to Mau- 
 rus, Lupercus, and the Crambo T>rawer^ 
 a large Dofe of the Herb Pantagruellion. 
 To fome of the wild diftra&ed Aldermen, 
 he ordered Chalybeats, and 'Phlebotomy in 
 the Neck. To feveral of the Common Coun- 
 cil he prefcribed Exercife, fuch as Daneing 
 on the Ropes, and Riding the Great Horfe. 
 Some of the common fort his Man An- 
 drew Buttel cur'd with that Emetick 
 Herb call'd Hanf; others with a Cepha- 
 lick Bolus calPd Halfeifen ; a third fort 
 with Gum Mafiix, or a fticking Plaifter of 
 Getflelmg, well laid on. To all the reft he 
 gave large Dofes of hellebore and Eye- 
 bright ; by means of which they all grew 
 well in a fhort time, to the great Jlonour 
 of the Phyfician that cur'd them. 
 
 While thefe things were tranfa&ing, 
 Mr. Powel, by the Help of an able Sur- 
 geon, 
 
The Hiflory of Robert Powel. 1 1 «; 
 
 geon, recover'd indeed, not fo perfect Iy but 
 that he was obliged ever after to walk 
 double. In this crooked Difguife he dipt 
 out of Otipohy, and took Shipping by the 
 firft Opportunity, to fee his Native Coun- 
 try, and once more to turn Chriftian. 
 
 C H A P T E R the Twentieth. 
 
 N'Othing worthy of my Remarks hap- 
 pen'd in all Mr. Powel's Voyage 
 home • therefore I fhall concifely tell the 
 Reader, that he arrived fafe at IBrifto/, 
 very much reduced ; having nothing left 
 of all his Wealth, but a Cloak to hide his 
 Poverty and Deformity. 
 
 Ahd'here k was that he firft changed his 
 Name, taking that of Robert Powel, 
 which he now goes by, inftead of his true 
 Name, Oliver Volpone. The fteafon 
 of his doing fo, he himfelfboft knows. As 
 foon as he landed he fell luckily irito a 
 Company of Strolers, and joining with 
 them, he often a£ted the Parts of JE s o p, 
 and Burleigh the Crooked Lord Treafnrer ; 
 the former with fame Applaufe, but the 
 latter to the Approbation of but very few. 
 O 4 His 
 
a 1 6 The Hiftory of Robert Powel. 
 
 His Deformity permitted him not to a£t a- 
 ny other Parts, unlefs it were that of a 
 Candle-Snuffer, which he performed very 
 
 Jl, often putting out the Lights, and lea- 
 ing the whole Audience in the dark. But 
 tne Pott he chiefly ftuck to, was that of a 
 Prompter, which he was very dextrous at, 
 even to the Aftonifhment of the famous 
 Mr. Downs; for as that Gentleman 
 prompted honeftly, and put the Poet's own 
 Words and Senfe into the Mouth of the 
 A&or, to the Credit of both ; fp our He- 
 ro, having a Genius too Mercurial to be 
 bounded by the dull Rules of the Stage, or 
 tied down by the Eiltablim'd Laws of Par- 
 naffiM) would very often prompt out of 
 his own Head, and to the great Surprize 
 of the Audience, he would make a Thea- 
 trical King or Queen talk like a downright 
 Xfinj ; and when every one expected that 
 the Audience fhould be melred into Tears, 
 the Royal oAHor fhould fet them into a 
 Horfe- Laugh. 
 
 This pleas'd the 'Brifiolians well enough, 
 (who, tho' very honeft and good Mer- 
 chants, were no great Judges of Dram- 
 matick Performances) till at laft, one Day 
 they were acting the Mayor of Queenbo- 
 rough, a Play of Mr. Middle-ton's, where 
 Mr. Powel, thinking to fhew his Parts, 
 prompted quite befide^the Meaning of the 
 Play : So that the poor Mayor of Queenbo- 
 
 rough 
 
The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 217 
 
 rough talked down-right Nonfenfe, and 
 miferably expos'd himfelf in every Scene. 
 The Second AB contradicted the Firft ; the 
 Third the Second ; and the Fourth the Third ; 
 and in the Loft oAtl, contrary to the whole 
 Tkt and End of the Piece, he made the 
 Mayor formally come in his Fur-Gown on 
 the Stage, with the Charter of Quee?ibo- 
 rough in his Hands, and pulling down his 
 
 Breeches, wipe his Backfide with it > 
 
 And fo ended the Play. 
 But this Jeft, however merry in it ielf, 
 did not pleafe the Men of 'Brifiol, efpeci- 
 ally the Mayor and eAlderme'n, who took 
 themfelves to be very much affronted by 
 it. And therefore to revenge this Indigo 
 nity, they met in the Town-Houfe, and ha- 
 ving agreed, that 'twas better fpending 
 their Time on the Top of the Toulfey than 
 at the Play-houfe ; they unanimously refold 
 ved to drive this Company of Strollers out 
 of the Town, and accordingly 'twas done. 
 And the Gentleman who was at the Charge 
 of building this new Fabrick of a Play- 
 houfe, was forced to let it out for the Re- 
 ception of Wares. 
 
 Thefe Actors being thus turned a-drift, 
 foon difcarded their mad Prompter Powel, 
 who fet forwards, as well as the reft, for 
 'Bath ; where, as foon as they were ar- 
 rived, the Strollers went to the Tlayhoufe, 
 which was committed to the Manage- 
 ment 
 
a 1 8 The Hi&ory of Robert Powel. 
 
 mentofMr. Poor ; and Mr. PowEL,with 
 that little Money that "he had left, pur- 
 chas'd himfelf another Theatre , and fingly 
 fet up in Oppofition to them all, like Sal- 
 mon againft the whole College of Thyfi- 
 cians: 
 
 Nov/ was he refolv'd to get oABors, 
 that fhould fpeak and move as he pleas'd. 
 The firft he hired was one Punch, a co- 
 mical, (taring, gaping, noify Fellow, who 
 had been formerly Footman to a Swifs 
 Count, but now was fet up for himfelf. 
 Punch was foon attended by a whole 
 Train of Diminutive Jffors of both Sexes, 
 viz. Jointed Kings, Queens, Waiting- 
 Maids, Virgins, Babies, Noblemen, Ba- 
 boons , Tumblers , Aldermen , Rope- 
 dancers, Geefe, Country-Squires, Rats, 
 Lord - Mayors , Footmen , Sows , In- 
 dians, Cats, Conjurers, Owls, Priefts, 
 Brazen-heads , Robin-Red- Breafts , and 
 Elders, all which were afiifted by a wife 
 
 Interpreter So that Mr. Powel had 
 
 quickly a full Stage. In fhort — he was 
 mightily frequented by all forts of Quality, 
 and Punch, with his Gang foon broke the 
 Strolersi and enjoy'd the City of Bath by 
 themfelves. Money coming in a-pace, 
 Mr. Powel bought him feveral new 
 Sets of Scenes for the Diverfion of his Au- 
 dience, and the better A&ing of feveral 
 
 incomparable Dramas of his own Compo- 
 sing , 
 
The HiBory of Robert Powel. 1 1 9 
 
 fing— - fuch as Whittington and his Cat, 
 The Children in the Wood, TV. Fauftus, 
 Friar Bacon, and Friar Bungey, Robin 
 Hood, Little John, Mother Sbipton, Mo- 
 ther Lowfe, together with the Tleafant and 
 Comical Humours of Valentini, Nicolinf, 
 and the tuneful warhling Tig of Italian 
 Race. 
 
 And here I Ihould be unjuft to my Hero, 
 fhould I omit ("before I conclude) to in- 
 form my Reader, that Mr. Powhl, ft ruck 
 with the Great Favours he has met with 
 at "Bath, and willing to fhew his Grati- 
 tude to that Noble Place, has traced its 
 Original from the moft ancient Hiftorians* 
 And having found that it was built by 
 King Bladud, a Welch Conjurer, he de- 
 figns on the firfl of April next, to prefent 
 the Ladies with a Puppet- fhow, in Honour 
 of the Founder ; to which, befides many 
 new Scenes, will be added an Efilogm 
 fpoken by Mr. Powel himfelf,in a Conju- 
 rer's Habit, without a Magical Wand in his 
 Hand ; which at his Requeft I have here 
 fubjoin'd. 
 
 The 
 
The EPILOGUE. 
 
 /*M come to beg your Favour to our Stage, 
 The lively Emblem of the prefent Age. 
 For as my e Puj>f>ets y 'whenyou hear them I'quedk, 
 vfoe but the Wooden Tubes thro 1 which I 
 
 fteak : 
 So many now a*daysftrut and look vain 
 With the Produtlions of another "Brain. 
 King Bladud flayed to Night the Conjurer's 
 
 Part, 
 The only Trince that ever skilPd that aArt. 
 His Eloquence you heard was mighty great, 
 'But Thanks to Me, his Minifter of State. 
 He ne'er hadfpoke, nor acled with fuch Fire, 
 Had not Lord Powel fiood behind the Wire. 
 Tou can't imagine, Sirs, what eArt can do ; 
 *Twill make a Wooden Head, a Wife one too. 
 So have I often in a Tlay-houfe feen 
 The fomfous Figure of a Buskin Queen, 
 
 Start 
 
The EPILOGUE. 
 
 Start from her Throne ■, and make a folemn 
 
 Spech, 
 Which hidden Downs flood pomping at bejf, 
 
 "Breech. 
 The Gazing Crowd ne'er fmelt the jubtfe 
 
 Joke y 
 'But thought por Moppet ofherfeJfhadfpke* 
 
 ■ : 
 
 jih. 
 
 ^&£^Rt2&£0#,K9A "03294 SSMss 
 
 FINIS. 
 

 
 
 INDEX 
 
 Of all the UnintelligibleW ords 
 in this Book. 
 
 n \*4 "Beadle, or 
 
 JDUTTEL German 2 Hangman 
 Bilthi-Adijah Hebrew hnorance 
 
 'Bonzee Indian Trie/} 
 
 Batrachy — Greek Frogland 
 Comoples Greek Little Towns 
 Coirocefhalus Greek A Hogs-head 
 
 DaUineb Welch Blindnefs 
 
 'Dowhprepia Greek Slavery 
 
 q)ifj'as Greek oA Viper, alfo Thirfi 
 
 Dionyfius — Greek "Bacchus 
 Geijfelung •*-» German aA.ScUr%e 
 
 G $ r a e nadi I Spanifh <An Earwig 
 
 Hanf — German Hemp 
 
 Haljeijen German A Tiihry 
 Hilela — - Hebrew Folly 
 
 Kjiech- 
 
INDEX. 
 
 JQiechJhaft German Slavery 
 0100*7 Leftes ChaldeeTo Rob 
 
 Lycmene -Greek f^f5^> or > 
 J I nuary 
 
 Mafiix ■ Greek e/LWhty 
 
 Mutrteria — .Greek Nofe-land 
 
 Maamin — ■ Hebrew Credulous 
 
 ^htT l G ^ Grafters 
 
 N*wda&-~ Sj$ni{h RMy 
 
 Otiplis Greek A City of Owls 
 
 Oreja. Spanifh o&n Ear 
 
 Tayurgia — Greek Tolitkks? or Tricking 
 
 ^tmT 1 * ?Rabla6»wf 
 
 Tacufeitheia Greek Credulity 
 
 Vryheyd -Dutch Liberty, 
 
 War fait- 'Dutch Truth 
 
 M- 
 
MiMiMmMiMtMMMk 
 
 r Advertifement of the Author. 
 
 1"F any Reader fhould imagine by my 
 * Comparing the Otiplian Religion to a 
 Maypole, that I have as little Piety as the 
 Author of the fir ft Tale of a Tub ; thefe are 
 to inform him, that the Satyr is only le- 
 veled at thofe, who feem to value the E£ 
 fentials of their Faith no more than a May- 
 fole y and prefer one Ceremony of Human 
 Inftitution, to twenty Rules of Morality 
 and good Life. 
 
 wmwmwwwwm^