DUKE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY Treasure %Qqm m:^:/mmimM ,^J :> M^tf^^'-J. tr. S)f^ A LEGACY for the Ladies. CHARACTERS O F T H E Women of the Age. Bj the late Ingenious JMr. Thomas Brown, W I T H A Comical V I E W of London and Wefu minfter : Or, The Merry Quack ^ where- in Phyfick is Reftified for both the Beaus and Ladies. In Two Parts. The Firft Part by Mr. Tho. Brown : The Second Part by Mr. Edw. Ward, Author of the London-Spy^ 6cc. To which is prefixt, The CHARACTER of Mr. Tho. Brown, and his Writings, Written by Dr. Drake, LONDON, Printed by H. Mene, for S, Brifcoe, and Sold by J. Nutt, near Stationers-HalL i-jq^, t+t The Firft and Second Volumes of Mifcellanious Works, written by George late Duke of Buckhighmn ; con- taining Poerns, Satyr Sy Letters, the Eirce of Segmoor^Fight, the compleat Key to the Rehearfal, a Conference between the Buke and Father Fitz-Gerrard, an Jrijh Priefl : With feyeral Speeches in Parliament by the late Duke of Buck- ingbanty and other Lords and Commoners. Sold by J,Niitt. t o Madam Dorathea Hubert. MADAM, THIS Piece was intend-^ ed for you hy the De- ceasd Mr. Brown, who in the latter part of his Life, how negligent foever he Tnight formerly have heen, was re- fohJd to Dedicate his laft Labour to the Service of Vertue; and therefore this Book defcends to you, as the laft Legacy of a Gentleman, who had no other way of /hewing the RefpeB he lore you, than hy putting his laft A 2 Work The Dedication. Work tinder your ProteBwn. If Madam, who am in this particular, the Executor of his Will, do that now out of OMigation, which any Man might he proud to do of Choice. The Original Author of this Piece, thought it worthy the Patronage of a Princefs of the Royal Blood of France ; hut we, Madam, lefs Often- tatiojis, tho' not lefs Amhiti- oits, prefer Vertue to Titles. Tlyough ifNohle Blood were requifd , I Jhould not feek further than your Self for it, whofe Family has from a- mongji your Anceflors, given Chief juftices andChancellors to The Dedication. to the Law, Miniflers to the State, Peers to the Realm, and Prelates to the Church, whofe Nobility was grown Ancient before mojl of theirs, who now lay Claim to it , began, Hubert de Burge, Chief Juftice and Chancellor of Enghnd , and Earl of Kent, was Wife, Stout , Loyal , and very Learned in the Law, and as well a good Patriot to his Country, as a good SubjeEl to his Prince, which procufd him thofe Honours which few have arrived at, and fewer have defervd. I might enlarge upon the Number of Great men your A 3 Family The Dedication. Family has produced , and viention two BiJJjopSy and a- nother Chief Jiiflice; Men whofe Learningy Piety, and Prohity render" d 'em the Or- naments of their Country. But it is not their Vertue, iiit your own, that Tarings you this Addrefs. None hut a Lady of your flrict Ver- tue, could he a proper Patro- trefsfor Rules fo fevere as are here laid down. This Book was intended as a Piece of PraSlical Morality, andtho" it is particularly itifcrih'd to your Sex, yet it contains Lef- fons equally good for ours, and wherein we may find our aipnVanities as fexerely corre^ cted. The Dedication. Bedy as thofe of the Ladies. The Author was h'mifelfjc-- vere; and Mr.l^vown, in his > latter Time, was far from a Humour to indulge greater Liberties, or to relax any thing of the Severity of his Difcipline. This, Madam, made it necejjary to Addrefs to one of your exemplary Vertiie, and clear Underftanding. Om of lefs ExaBnefs or Judg- vient , might have thougljt this, whicfj is a fort ofDire- Bory to the Sex, to make their ConduB iirreproachahle in the World, a Satyr upon the Sex, and perhaps a Re- fleBion upon her own Con- A 4 duct. The Dedication. duB:, But you. Madam, who know that Rules are al- low'' d to T?e fever e, thd Gen- fures ought to T?e tender-, from the Regularity of your own Life, juftify all which is here requifd of a Modefl, Pious, and Prudent Lady ; and thd fome things contairid in this Book, may feem too rigorous for the Humour of the pre- •fent ^ge, yet if all Ladies had your Vertne and Under- {{2.u6m^,none would complain the Conditions were hard, thd the great eft part of it would he then imtrue, and all of it unncceffary. Some Ch2iX2i^cvsmay how- ever feem to refleB: upon the ^Sex, The Dedication. Sex, and would he libels, if fpoken of the Ladies of this Nation ; hut they were written in ¥YSince,whereGal/antry,as it is caird hy them, is efteentd the chief Accomplifljment,a7id Coquetry, clearly carried the Perfection of Female Pru- dence. Tljd this he not fo much the Infirmity of the Ladies of our Nation , yet Mr, Brown, in his feriom Confiderations , thought he found too much Occafion for foher Precepts , and good Examples ; and therefore thought at once of this Book-, and you, of whom he had re- ceived fo high a Character from a Sifter, . whom he peld moft The Dedication^ 7mfl Dear, he was refplvd therefore to propofe this to their Reading , and you to their Imitation ; of which, if they made right Ufe, he thought he had provided a fifjjicient Antidote againfl the Contagion of the Neighhour^ ing Vanities of France ; and tho' he knew that the Ver- tne of our Ladies is as much fuperior to that of the French, as their Beauty, yet he thought he 7ieed abate nor- thing of the Rigor of thefe Precepts, fince jmfl are na- turally too apt to f often 'e?n to their own tiumour, . / need not tell you this Bogk is much i?nproved a/id . mended The Dedication. it mended hy fnUing under the Hand It came laft from: You , Madam , k7ioip the Character of the Gentleman-^ and that few could come up to him in Wit or Learning, Toil that have fo much Wtt your felfy can never want a Value for his ; and for this one Vertuom Attempt , will forgive all his Juvenile E- fcapes, which have come from him in meer gaiete duGoeur, fince he had laid all that afide for a profound Refpect for your Ladilhip ; which he has, with the Care of this, tranf- mitted to, Madam, Your moft Devoted, Humble Servant, [i] A CHARACTER O F Mr. Thomas Brown, AND HIS Writings. TH E unfair and injurious Li- berties that have been taken with Mr. Brown ^ lince his Death, render it neceflary, by a juft Character y to remove that Load of Dirt and Ribbaldry, which have been thrown upon his Allies j and to vindi- cate his Wit and Learning from the rude Infults of thofe that have nei- ther. ii A Character of . ther. Oxford was an early Witnefs of his extraordinary Genius, which he lignaHz'd at Chrifl-Church whilft yet very Young, by divers Ode's, and Copies of excellent Latin Verfes, and other extraordinary Exercifes, many of which are extant in fome of the Printed Exercifes of that XIniverfity upon pubUck Occaiions, but under other Names ^ a Practice very frequent there , for the Youth of Wit and Learing to grace thofe of better Quality with their Produflions, and efpecially neceflary to Mr. Brown^ whofe Fortune obliged him to prefer Money (which he only wanted) to Reputation, of which he hadt e- nough. There is but one ( that I re- member) preferv'd with his own Name to it, which is Printed in the Firft Volume of the Mw/^ Oxonienfis^ under the Title of Soteria Ormondiana ; which tho' written while he w^as very Young, is equal to any Modern Ode whatfoever. This may fuffice to give the Mr. Tho. Brown. iii the Learned Reader a Tafte of the De- licacy of his Latin Poetry, which would his Fortune have allow Vi him to have cultivated with due Care and Application, he might perhaps have excelled any Modern whomfoever in it. By this Talent, and fome witty Pieces in EngliJJjy which becaufe Lu- dicrous^ tho' ingenious, and fuch as are not only excufed, but admir'd in Youth, he took no Care to prefeiTe, he became Famous in the Univeriity* But the Difadvantages of a narrow Fortune, and an Education in a pri- vate Gountry-Shcool, which intituled him to no Accademical Preferment, tvould not fufFer him to continue very long there, where the Expence was like to be too great for him, and the Profpe£l of Preferment too little* From thence he came to Town, with- out any other Recommendation, than a ftock ojF Wit and Learning fufficient to iv ji GharaBer of to have advanc'd him to much better Fortune than he ever lived to fee. His Wit foon procured him a numerous Ac- quaintance here, who being greater Ad- mirers, and more competent Judges of that, than of his Learning, made him more Oftentatious of it, and per- haps think it the furer Recommen- dation. His Converfation was al- ways pleafant and entertaining, fel- dom ferious, but like his Humour, which vvas negligent and chearful, fit- ter for Company than Buiinefs, which made it very much coveted by thofe who knew no other Ufe of Time, than to pafs it away agreeably. By thefe he was much eiteem'd and cherilh'd ; and as they were the moft fond of him, fo they were the moft agreeable to his Temper, which was natvirally averfe to Buiinefs and fevere Thinking, fo it's probable, if his Fortune had been ealier, the World had feen lefs of his Writing. But thofe merry Companions that robb'd Mr. Tho. Brown, v robb'd him ofhisTime, were not the Men that could provide for his Sub- liftance : A Jeft and a merry Tale, tho' they might Ibmetimes pay for his Wine, would not find Cloaths and Lodging ; For thofe^ he was forced to have Re- courfe to his Pen ; his Wit and Learn- ing being the only Revenue he had to fubfift upon. The firft Piece which made him known to the Town, was an Account of the Converiion of Mr. BayeSy in a Dialogue, which met with a Reception fuitable to the Wit, Spirit, and Learning of it. But this, tho' it brought him a- bundance of Reputation, did not add much to his Subftance ; for tho' it made his Company exceedingly coveted, and might have recommend- ed him to the Great, as well as to the Ingenious, yet he was of an Hu- mour not to chufe his Acquaintance' by his Intereft, and flighted fuch an Opportunity then, as ethers, by im- b proving vi A CharaBer of proving Wifely, have rifen to great Dignities and Preferment by. The Stile of this Dialogue was like that of his ordinary Converfation, lively and facetious, and the Matter full of found Argument and fine Learning, but managed according to his natural Temper, with a great deal of Humour, and in a Burlefque way, which make both the Reafoning and the Reading, which are abundantly ihewin in 'em, extreamly furprizing and agreeable. The fame Manner and Humour runs through all his Writings, whether Dialogues, Let-s ters, or Poems ; of all which kinds of Writings, he has left behind him not a few. The only confiderable Objection, which the Criticks have made to his Writings, is, That fome ofiTem have thought they wanted De-? 'licacy, not coniidering, that Delicacy is not the Charafter of Humour, and perhaps fcarce conlillpnt \vith it. But in Mr. Tho. Brown, vii in anfwer to this, it may be affirm'd,' that there is as much DeHcacy in hir> Writings as the Nature of humorous Satyr, which is the chief Beauty of his Works, will admit; which re- quiring ftrong Ideas, will fccmtimes unavoidably have 'em hard too. But that Delicacy which they fo much re- quire, by too much foftening the Co- lours, weakens the Drawing. Others have complain'd, that his Writings are unequal, a Fault that no Alan that hath writ much, ever avoided, not Horner^ Horace^ or Virgil them- felves excepted. That this v/as not his Fault, beyond the unavoidable Condition of Humanity, is apparent from the Equality of his Dialogues, of which the Second and Third Part of Mr. Bayes\ Ccnveriion, are not inferior to the Firft ; nor were they worfe received in the World ; a Fate which has befallen ftw Second and Third Parts. The flur.e may be laid of his other Dialogues, in which b 2 kind viii ui CharaBer of kind of Writing, no Engli/h-Man has hitherro exceird him , perhaps few will hereafter equal. His Letters, tho' written loofly, and in a carelefs way to private Friends, bare the true Stamp and Image of their Author, and the fame Humour and Spirit runs through 'em. The Variety of his Learning, may be feen in the Lacedaemonian Mer- cury^ where abundance of Critical Que- ftions of great Nicety are anfwer'd with a great deal of Solidity and Judgment, as well as Wit and Humour. But that Defign expofing him too much for his Humour to the Scruples^^ the Grave, and to the Curiofity of the Impertinent, he continued not that Ddign long. Even the leaft and iighteft of all his Writings, which under the borrow- ed Name of Silvefler Partridge^ he publiilied by the Name of t\\Q Infallible Aftrcloger\ partake of the fame uni- verliil Spirit and Humour which ani- mates ail his other Writings ; and nothing could be a more cfFedlual and handfome Mr. Tho. Brown, ix handfome Satyr upon the Folly and Credulity of the Town, which run Mad after the Weather Prophet y the Mi- lan Almanacky and other fuch Impo- ftors. Nor can there be a clearer Evidence of his unimitable Manner in this way of Writing , than that this very Delign was afterward con- tinued by one who hath been thought to have no mean Talent of Humour, and whofe Writings have on that Score been very well receiv'd ] yet, without affronting that Gentleman's Performance , the Copy has been thought no more to rival the Origi- nal, than a Kite does an Eagle ; but perhaps one, and that the main Rea- fon, why Mr. Brown has been char- ged with Inequality in his Writings, is , . that moft of the Anoninous things that took with the Town, were fathered upon him. This, tho' an Injury in Reality to him, is a plain Demonftration of b 3 the X A CharaBer of ^ the Univerfality of his Reputation, when whatever pleafed from an un- known Hand, was afcribed to him : And thus he came to be the reputed Author of many things very unwor- thy of him. In Poetry, he was not the Author of any long piece ; of which^if any be found lefs correfl than might be expefted from a Man of his Judgment and Learning , it muft be imputed to his being unambitious of a Reputation in that kind ; how- ever, that Negligence is abundantly recompcnced by the Richnefs of his Fancy. His Poems are moft of 'em Imitations of Antiquity, and fo called by him, but generally fo improved under his Hands , they may juftly be efteem'd Originals. They were generally Odes, Satyrs, or Epigrams, and tho' moft of 'em be admirable, and fome almoft inimitable, yet per- haps they are not much out in their Judgment, who think his Poetry not the beft part of his Works. Of Mr. Tho. Brown, xi of his Profe Tranflations, much need not be faid j they were ma- ny, and of various kinds; but in general, thus much, that he was juft to his Authors, and underflccd Greekj Latin^ and French excellently well , which were the Languages out of which he Tranflated ; nor was he ignorant of the Italian and Spani/J:^. His Engli/Jj was pure, his Stile ftrong and clear ; and if he was not fo nice in the Choice of his Authors as might be expefted from a Man of his Talte, he muft be excufcd, becaufe doing thofe things for his Subiiftance, he did not confult his own Liking fo much as his Bookfellers^ and . took fuch as they offered the beft Price for. Nor can he be blamed for this, fince Fortune ha- ving provided no other way for him to Live by, Prudence direfted him to prefer the Drudgery of moft Gain, before a n>ore fpecious one of Plaufe, and taught him not to barter his b 4 Eafe / xii ACharaBer of Eafc and Profit for the Reputation of being Nice. To fum up all, if he cannot be called one of our beft Poets, he was undeniably one of our greateft Ge- nius's ; and tho^ fome may have excelled him in fome Particulars, fcarce any one has reached him in all It was his Misfortune to appear upon the Stage of the World when Fear^ and Jealoufi.es had four'd the Peoples Blood, and Politicks, and Po- lemicks had almoft driven Mirth and good Humour out of the Nation ; fo that that carelefs gay Humour and negligent, chearful Wit, which in former Days of Tranquility would have made him the Delight of Princes, was in a quarrelfome contentious Time, loft upon a parcel of thouglitlefs Men, whom either ,. want of Intereft or Ambition rendred uncapable of fcrving themfelves or others, Thefe Mr. Tho, Brown, xlii Thefe, becaufe they did not like fome things that were at that time done, or becaufe they did not care a Farthing what was done, poffefTed themfelves firft of Mr. Brown^ as a Man whofe Converfation was the beft of their Entertainment ; and he on the other Hand, who aimed at nothing more than Hving pleafantly, indulged his own Humour amongil: 'em ; and living at his Ea:.-. , without; Care , fought no fan.! r. Thus, tho' in his firll Dialogue. : s was fo happy both in tlie Chcj: of his Subject, and in the Execution, as to be read and known by Name to the Ingenious of all Ranks and Conditions ; yet he was f ) legardlefs of his own Intereft , a^ fcarce to make himfeli known by Face to any Body about the Goiur, where his Work was at that time il .he higheft Efteem. " But this carelefs Humour, which loft him tha Jpportunity, Ibilowed him thrca:^;i.- the whole Courfc xiv A Caracler of^ Sec. Courfe of his Life, and fubmitted him to fome uiidefen^e^ ill Ufage and Infiilts, aind gave Courage to petty Scriblers, who envied his Me- rit, to arraign him upon his Fortime, who yet were never fo proud as when their Trifles were by ill Judges taken for his ; and took a Pride in attacking him, tho' they never got more by their Performance, than the Reputation of as little Manners and Probity, as Wit. Some of thefe things have been publiftied on him lince his Death, with as little Foundation of Truth as Wit in the Performance ; the Authors of which have fhewn but one Sign of Senfe, which is, that they have fuppreffed their Names. The The Contents of Mr. Brorrn's Legacy to the Ladies ; or, Charafters of the Woman of the Age. THE CharaSer of a Wanton Woman^ page I. ' The CharaBer of a Modejl Woinan^ p. 9. The CharaEler of a pretended Godly Wo?nan^ p. 15. The CharaEler of a Religious Woman^ p. 25. The CharaEler of a Witty Woman ^ P« 3i- The CharaBer of a Vrudent Woman^ p. 57. The CharaEler of a HoiifeWife^ or a Venn- riom Woman^ P* 4S* The CharaBer of a Good Houfe-Wife ^ p. 5 o. The CharaBer of a Ga7ning Woman^ p, 54. The CharaBer of a Diligent Wonian^ p. 61. The CharaEler of a Litigious Woman^ p. 66. The CharaBer of a Quiet Wo?nan, p. 72. The CharaBer of Self-Love • or^ the Pre- (iominantVa^ionofWojmn:^ /^iWr. Brown, P The Contents. The G>ntcnts of the Firji Part of the Comi- cal View of London and Weftminfter, the firft Part ^ hy Mr. Tho. Brown, p. IC9* The Merry Quack -^ or ^ Thyftck ReBtfied^ for both the Beam and Ladies 5 hy Mr. Tho. Brown. p. 1 30. 71?^ Contents of the Second fart of the Comi- cal View of London and Weftminfter ^ by Mr. Edw. Ward, Author of the London Spy, ^f. P-I5I* The CharaEter of a True-Born Dutch Skip^ per , a Poem-^ by Mr. Edward Ward, p. 176. ^he Chara8er of a Welfh*Man, a Poem 3 by Mr. Edward Ward, p. 181. A Satyr upon a Fart^ Written hy an Irifh- Man, ' p. 187. The Chara&er of a Barren Adidtrefs^ a Po* em-^by Mr. Edward Ward, p. 192. Catalogue of Books^ jufi FubliJJjedy and in the Prefs ; Sold by John Nutt, near Stationers Hall. TH E Firft Volume o£ Mifiellmeous Works, Writ- ten by his Grace, George^ late Duke o£ BuckinghofK. Printed from the Original Papers, containing Poems on levtral Subjects, Epiftles, Characters, Pindaricks, the Militant Couple, a Dialogue j and the Farce up-. on Segrr/oor'¥i2,ht ; with Letters by and to the Duke o£ Buckingham y by Perfons of Quality. Alio State- Poems on the late Times, by Mr. Dryden, Sir George^ Ether edge. Sir Fleetvpod Sheppard, Mr. Butler^Auihot o£ Hudibra^, Earl of D — , Mr. Con^reve, Mr. Onv^y^ Mr. Brown^ Capt. Ayliffe, &ic, Witii the late Duke of Bu:kinghams Speeches in the Hoj^fe of Lords, upc% Conference with the Commons. To which is added, A Colledtion of Speeches in both Houfes of Parlia- ment , by feveral Noble Peers and Commoners in thrc^ late Reigns j and ibme Speeches in Time of the Ufiirpation of the Kump and Oliver Cromt^elL The Second Volume of Mifcellaneous Works , written by his Grace, George, late Duke of Bucking- ham. Containing an Aflay on Religion ; a Key to the Rehearfal, or," a Critical Veiw of the Authors ex- posed in that Celebrated Play, by the Duke Bucking- ham: An account of a Conference betwixt Father Fitz, Gerrardy an Irijh Prieft, and his Grace, w^hom King James fent to his Grace, to endeavour to per- vert to him the Popifli Religion, with LettcrSj^ Po- ems, Speeches, never before Printed: Alfo a Colle- dion of Speeches in the Houfe of Lords and Com- mons, State Maxims, EiTays, Charadtcrs, Letters, Poems, Satyrs, coUeded out of fever.d valuable Ma- nufcrpts, written by, w;c. Tiie Duke of Lauderdale^ the A Catalogue of BOOKS* Xht Marqnefs of Hallifax^ the Duke of B ^, tfie Earl of Shaftshury, the Lord Chief JulHce Trehy, the Earl of /?oc^f/fr, the Earl of Dor/ef, Sir George Etheredge, Si\ Charles Si'dley, Mr. Con>ley, Mr. Dry den and Captain ylyfofcy Revised and Correited by Mr. Brown. Farther Thoughts concerning the Human Soul now fully explained by Dr. Coivardy being a Supplement to his fecond Thoughts upon the Soul, &c. The Mifcellaneous V^o^kso^ Six Charles Sedley Bar. in one Volume; containing Satyrs, Epigrams, Court Characters, Tranllations, EfTays, and Speeches in Par- liament, and the Death of Mark j^tony^ a Tragedv Publiflied by Captain ^yloffe. Familiar and Courtly Letters, in three Parts, in one Volume, written to leveral Perfons of Honour and Qiiality. By Monf. Voiture^ ?i Member of the Royal Academy ofPari^; made Englifhhy Mr. Dryden, Thu. Cheeky Elq ; Mr. Dennis^ Hen. Cromwell., Efq ; M. Raiphjon , Fellow of the Royal F. S.'R. Dr. &c. with the" fele6t Epirtles oui o^ AriftanettUy Tranflated tirom the Greek : Some Icledl Letters out of Pliny Junior, and A<1. Fcntenelle ; and a Colledtion of original Let- ters lately written on leveral Subje6i;s, and now much improv'd, by Mr. T. Brown: To which is added, a Collection of Letters of Friendllip, and other occa- lional Letters, written by Mr. Dry den, Mr. Wycherly. }s/lt.- ,Mr. Congreve^ and Mr. Dennis, The 3^ Edition. The Generours Conqueror : Or, Timely Difco very. A Tragedy, as it was a6i:ed at the Theatre Royal, by her Majetty's Servants. Written by Bevil Higgens^ Efq; Price is. 6d. A general and comical Veiw of the Cities of Lo«^o» ^nd Weftminfler, Or, Mr. Sylvefter Partridge's Infalli- ble Predidions, in two parts ; giving an Account of leveral merry Humotirs, Occurrences and Intrigues that will be tranfad^ed amongft all Degrees of People, and in all manner of places, down from the Beau to the Bellows-mender ; and the Nice Eaft-Indk La- dy to the Covent'Garden Crack; and from We^mnf^er- Hall to the Bear-Garden, for thefe fix Months, OUo- her. A Catalogue of BOOKS, her, JSJcrvemhr ^ Vecenjher, January, February, and Anarch, ^vrittcn bf Mr. Tf:o. Brotvn. Advice to the Kentijh Long-tails: A Poem. By the fame Hand. The Law againft CuckolJom : Or, a Tryal of an Adultrefs : A Poem , price 6 d. The happy Pair : Or, A Poem on Matrimony : By Sir Chnrles Sedlcy, Bar. price 6 d. The Secret Hillory of the Calves-Head Club, or the Republican Unmask'd; -wherein is fully lliewn the Religion of the Cahes-He^dHQwcSy in their Anni- verfary Thankfgiving-Songs on the Thirtieth o£ Jamt- ^r), by them called Anthems^ for the Years_ i6c)2y i6p3, 1694, i6p'5, 16965 i6p7. Now Publillied to demonftrate the Reftlefs, Implacable Spirit of a cer- tain Party, ftill among us, who are never to be la- tistied till the prefent Eftablilliment in Church and State is fubverted. TLc Fourth Edition mth Addi- tions, Correaed. Dedicated to the OBSERVATOR, Letters from the Dead to the Living, in three parts, by Mr. Tho, Brmn. QrtamenEpijtolare^ or, VIII Letters between an At- torney at Law and a Dead Parfoii. The third and iaft Letter of News from Joe Hains of Merry Mi^moryy to his Friends at Will's Cofiee-Huufc in Covent-Gcirden ; being a Supplement to the fecond part, and a Third Volume of Letters from the Dead to the Living, by MuTho. Brown. Never before Printed j with a Col'cc^i- on of Letters on Entertaining Subje^s^ichti^d. out of the moft Celebrated Authors, both Ancient and Modern ; Tranflated into Englifh^ with large Improvements, and Original Letters, adapted to the Humour of the prefent Times ; the whole Volume by Mr. Tho. Brovpji. The Source of our Prefent Fears diicoverd ; or pljin Proof of fome late Deligns a2;ainft our Prefent Conjti- tmion and Government ; containing Remarks on Scanda- lom Libels and Pamphlets publilhed of late, and a Juftification of fome Paffages in a late Book, Enti- tuled. The Hijhry of the Uft Seffion of Parliament ; writ- tcti by the Auhor of the Hiftory of the laft Parliament ; Price 1 s. The A Catalogue of BOOKS. The MoHrning Poet^ or the unknown Comforts of Imprifonment, ^Calculated for the Meridian of the Three Populous Univerfities, of the Queens Bench^ the Mtrjhalfeay and Fleet : But may indiflFcrently ferve any Prifon in the Kingdom of England, Domi- nion of Wales, or Town of Bamick upon Tiveed : With a few Words of Chriftian Advice to Obdurate Creditors ; (hewing, that it is the prefentTntereft of the Nation to fet all Infolvent Prifoners' at Liberty. Written by Tho. Brojvn, An EfTay on Ways and Means to maintain the Ho- nour and Safety ofEnglandy to encreafe Trade, Mer- chandize, Navigation, Shipping, Mariners and Sea- men, in War and Peace: Written by Sir Walter Ro- leigh, Kt. With ufeful Remarks and Obfervations towards the Improvement of our Harbours, Ports, and Havens. By Sir Henry Sheers, Kt. Price 6 d. Commendatory Verfes on King A^hur , Prince 'Arthur, and the Satyr againft Wit, and Job ^znd Hahhalkuh An Heroick Poem , Or, a ftep towards a Poetical War, betw'ixt Covent-Garden and Cheap- fide. By feveral Hands : Together with am Epitome of that Immortal Poem, truely call'd, A cMyr againft IVit. The Iccond Edition. To which is added, a Lent-Entertainment: Or, a Merry Interview by Moon-light , between the Ghoft of Msvim of an- cient Renown, and the City-Bard : Humbly dedi- cated to all the honourable Citizens within the Bill of Mortality. Price i s. CHA t '] CHARACTERS O F Women, 6'c. By Mr. Tho. Brown. The Characier of a Wanton Wonmn. THAT which we call Gallantry, is a fond Relifh of the World, and of its Pleafures in general ^ and this Spi- rit is born with the Female Sex, Their na- >t?ral Temper contributes much to Foppery ^ B but 2 THE CHARACTER OF their Education confirmes it, and fo renders the Folly entire. Civility indeed poli(hes it, and that is the beft AJ/y^rf/fbeftowed upon it. By I know not what unhappy Fate, the very Care, that Art takes of that Sexs Perfeftions, deflroys it : So foon as a Girl karns to fpeak, Ihe is taught /?re^^y ^A/;;^x , but few that are ufifHl : Her firfl: Steps are direded for Dancing , and to avoid the Trouble and Labour of making her a Ver- tiioi^ Perfon, her Friends are contented to make hef a Fine Woman 5 (he is only taught the Art of Vhafmg^ but not of Li- ving well. People wonder now a Days at the loofe Behaviour and Wantonnefs of Women 5 for my part I wonder as much at them 3 for what can they expeft of Perfons thus Educated ? Their natural Difpofitions in- cline them to a foft and eafy Life, and to agreeable things : Their Beauty creates Self- Love 5 and inftead of deftroying this Effe- minate Tendency, they are fupply'd with divers modil'h Vices, that ftrengthen the ill Habit, and makes 'em only take the more Delight in it. A young Woman knows her Religion only by her Catechijm 5 the Sciences only by Name, and Vertue only in Idea. She under- ftands Mufick to a Nicety.but knows nothing of the real and good Intentions of it. She plays at all forts of G;f^^eT,and reads no other Book^s A WANTON WOMAN. 3 Books^ but what are ficter to corrupt, than inftrufl: her. And what will be the Confe- quence of this firft Mifmanagement ? An Averfion to all that is Good^ for want of knowing what it is ; a Diflike of comme^jdnble things, tor want of underftanding them, and a Spirit of Cc^/^rf-w^/^^and Envy producM by Ignorance, which nriakes thofe Women, who know nothmg, hue what fhe her felf ' is, and is portefled, but with wha fhe knows her felf, gives up her whole Time to the Care of Pleafing, and beftows all her Praifes onhtx o^n Maxims. Thefe are the Confe- quences of mif-imployM Toutb^ which has receivM no other Inftruftions, but fuch as make it ftill the more in Love with ir felf, and left acquainted with it felf. It frames a Sdn^vci^Q^Perfedtions fuitable to its own proper Paljate, and the Cuftom ofthe Age : It is from fuch Models thatWomen,takea DM//^/;r of their Condufl: and Aftions ; and the Refuk of all this is an unhappy, tho^ general Confu- fion in their Underftandmg and i^eportment. Vanity is fo imprinted in the Minds of Women, that nothing lefs than a luper- natural Hand can totally efface it. It is a prudent Intention to deprive them ofthe Senfe of true Kjiowledge^hwi. air ill Effeft is all the Fruit of that good De^ign^ to prevent their falling into the Pride of the Half-learned^ they are led into the Paths oi Ignorance, Pride and Affectation J and firmly believe, that to under- B ft ftand 4 THE CHARACTER OF ftand the World^ is in them as great a Talent^ as the profoundeft Learning in Men ; and that their Perfuiio»scov\{\?t in nothing more,^ than in being skilFd in xhtvjdiysoi f leafing Men ; and therefore they make it their whole Application. A Woman reads with no other Defign, than but to inform her felf of others Intreagues^ and from thence to know better^ how to manage her own : She dreffes her felf, not with an Intention to be more Charming, but toCharm more Men^and think it a Dimi- nution to their Beauty, to make but one Conqueft, tho' it be never fo confiderable ; and defign not to fix themfelves inviolably on One , but togainM^/y, being much bet- ter pleas'd in the Croud of their Lovers^ than with the Reality oiLove, They ftudy their Looks, ( many of their Charms being but the Convulfions of their Eyes) and v/hich agrees beft with them, they prefer, and all this is managM with a won- derful Art : They frequently add with Defign to their Charms^ that which Nature had refufed them with Juftice. Finally they confult all the pre external Advantages, in order to attraQ: Love ; and thefeDefigns are offo large an Extent, that they no fooner find they pleafe one Sukje^^ but they are ready to pleafe others alfo ; and every new Cor/quefi niflames 'em ftill with , a Defire of extending their Viftories yet farther ; and the Vanity of their Defires continues, tho' the Power A WANTON WOMAN. 15 Power to pleafe has been long fince extin^ guifliM. The Employment of a vain Woman is very fingular;fhe is idle,tho' perpetually in Aftion : From Morning till Night their Thoughts are on what they love; they fpeak to all they meet, tho' they have nothing to fay to 'em ; The Exteriour of Acquaintance is all they aim at ; and affeO: Familiarity , to be thought worthy of Friendfljip As they Chatter only to prevent the Cenfure of Stupidity, fo the Lapdog,Mof^kj/y and Squiril are as copious Subjefts of their Wit and Railerj, as any of the Neighbours , as frequent ObieGs of their tendereft Careffes. their moft endearing Lan^ guage, and their mofl: folid SatisfaftioiK Their J^«or4;?c^nece(ritates 'em to this ridi- culous Diverfion ; for as they admire nothing but themfelves , fo vertuous Converfation wou'd put 'em out of Countenance, and a ferious Refleftion make 'em Dijiraffed, But alas ! their Conduft refts not here, in time that continual Idlenefs grows tedious ; y€t being unwilling to fhake it quit^off, and in the room of it, take fome profitable Em-^ ployment unknown to them, they indulge themfelves in irregular Defires ; and this leads them to bafe and dangerous Attempts. The Ajf eel ions of their Hearts being the Rule they go by, they employ their whole Minds in theSatisfaftion,they procure tCKthemfelves, |nd ftiutting their Ears to the Voice of Duty B J anc^ 6 THE CHARACTER OF and Reafon, they ftudy but to pleafe their predominant Paffio^s , and to render their Minds the Inftruments of the Diforders of their Hearts: For as they have an equal Share of Natural Parts with the Men, (^only with this 1 iflFeience, that they are not fo rightly applied) the M^ittj Wanton pleafes more, deceives much better, and is not one Grain the more improved by it ; for Wit is the moft dangerous Weapon when ill ap- plied, and taken offofgood and worthy Sub- jefts, to exercife fuch vicious Ufes as per- verts it. Yet this is what moft Women do ; a quick Apprehenfion ferves but to render them more inconftant ; Solidity makes them more Crafty ; Penetration makes them more Saty- rical, and all thofe Defeats make them more Proud , and fitter ObjeGs of our Scorn and Contempt ; which is the only juft Reward of their imaginary Merits. They are com- monly valued proportionable to the Dura- tion of their AfFeftions, that is, for a Mo- ment. Their Beauties furprife us, their Wit engages us, and their Defeds drive us away again. A Thoufand pleafing Tqyes draw Men to them, and as many Reafons make them be avoided by 'em ; Volupteoufnefs ii^- tices Men on again, and Wifdcm perfwades him to make no ftay with them, and to make Men to entertain theni more through Flatterjy then real A^flkmon. A A WANTON WOMAN. 7 A Wanton or Loofe Woman runs Iier felf into all forts of Excreams ; Prodigdttj accom- panies all her Expences, and Covetotifr/ejs at- tends all her Frugality ; for Vertue having no fliarein her Conduft, fhe can never enter- tain a juft Medium in any thing. If fhe Loves, tho' but for a Minute, it borders up- on Fury. If file Hates, it will laft longer, I confefs, but fooner or latter always terminates in Revenge. If fhe Wifhes, it is with infa- tiable Defircs. If fhe fears, her Apprehenfions are without Bounds. Yet notwithftanding this prodigious Heap of dreadful Qualities, file is plealing, and her Air, her Ways, her Beauty, &c. feduce Men, and enflave ^hem to their falfe Merits. But in Requital, a Woman frequently pays feverely for thofe Impofitions, and the Love fhe infpires ; for it being wholly grounded on Intertft, as its Caufe, commonly it happens, that the Fruit of fuch Commerce, is the Mine of the Man's Fortune fometimes, but always of the Woman's Reputation; and as flie has not rendered the Man really happy, neither has he increased much her Riches, and being both difgufted of their Familiarity, they fhare betwixt them Sorrow and Rcgrer, which are the ufual Refults of a wild illegiti- mate Paflion. Serioufly, if thof^ Hght Women did but once examine their Conduft with fome Grains of Reafon, they would not com- plain of any Misfortune that happenM to B 4 them. 8 THE CHARACTER OF them , but employ themfelves to correft thofc Defefls ; and the' their Natural Ten- dency, their ill Education, and their bad Habits muft render the Change of their Manners very diflScult ; yet by Degrees how- ever they would attain to a true Relifh of good things. Religion and Honour would no longer prove defeftive, the Satisfaftion of being efteem'd and rightly valued would fucceed in the place of Pleafing ; for Vertue is honoured wherever it is found, whether preferv'd by Wifdom, or reftor'd by Reafon, and with Juftice they would obtain that Refpe£t, Value and Efteem, which is re- fused them on any other Terms, while* they are thus advis'd. Let Modefty inftrud them alfo, if they are willing to embrace her DiSates. The 4 MODEST WOMAN. 9 The Modeft Woman. THERE are Duties of Honour , as well as Religion, and it is in thofe thdit Modejly gives us the beft Leflbns; it re- quires that all the Actions of Women be ac- companied with Decency ; that they be Born bafliful, Live with Circumfpeftion, and Die withWifdom; that their youthful Days be adorn'd with Innocence, their riper Years be endowM with Purity, and that their whole ConduQ: conclude with an happy and lau- dable Simplicity. Modefty is not morofe ; that which it pre- fcribes, is juft and natural ; it requires but Re- gularity and Perfeftion , and whoever re- jefts her , abandons Honour and Vertue. When a Woman, whofe Heart is affeded with Worldly Pleafures, abandons the Rules that Modefty prefcribes, wherein Honour refts fecure, fhe is foon made fenfible of the Dangers, wherein her Negligence has led her ; and her beft Courfe is, to haften her Re- turn into the forfaken Path, that her natural Conftitution inclin'd her to leave. There are fome Inclination^ fo excellent,as to put us on our Duties without Reludancy; butfuch a natural Propenfity is very rare,and there are but very few Minds endowed with fo happy a Temper^without Liformation , ^nd 10 THE CHARACTER OF that walk in the Paths of Vertue, without any other Guide than their own Reafon. Ic is only to thofe Women, to whom na- tural Weaknefs, Tendency, and Opportu- nity appear invincibly Obftacles, that Mo- defiy gives Rules. It requires, that an habitual and niodert external Behaviour fupprefs thofe nnruly iMotions of the Mind, that are bred by Self Jove ^ that aq evil Example may touch, but not move. That Beauty ^dorn Without Flattery ; that Joy never ap- pear without a Rertraint, and that it be more eafy to be intruded, than pleas'd. For a Wotnun, that makes her Duty her Study, has lels Regard co her own Worth, than to the Mf^i-us oi becoming worthier ; and as fhe is pclTtfb'd with a i -efire to Learning, fhe is ret contented with the bare Idea of Knowing; Ihe is more apt to judge f >er felf guilty of an Error, than Praife-worthy for any good Afiion. This is that happy Application, hat is produced by Fear and Defire, unto which a Woman fhould give her felf entirely up ; then would that Tendency fhe ftill retains for vainer ?/&%., foon vaniHi, when fhe be- gins to tafte the Sweets oiGood ; for the chief Difficulty of Perfection, proceeds from a cer- tain Tirefomntfs, we find in perfevering in good Manners. To cure the Diforders of the Mind, there is required a regular, wife, and modell Conduft, that never varies : It is very difficult for a vicious Mind to judify its Cha- A MODEST IVOMAK ii CharaOier againft a vertuous Regularity, and a fpontaneous Refer vednefs. His Perfeverance in good Aaions,that Modefty innpofes Laws* As theFirmnefsofa good Refolucion makes a Man^s Merit,the Continuance of a difcreet Conduct makes the Praife of a Woman's ; for it is as difficult for a Woman never to ftep out of the way of her Duty , either through her own Temper, or through lome tempting Occafion, as it is difficult for a Man never to alter his Opinion, either through Paffion or Neceffity ; but the way to attain to that noble Conftancy is by Modefty, which renders it profitable, when it reftrains the too great Freedom that Youth ufurps,the great Familiarity of pleafant Illecebrations, the great continual Frequentation of Balls and Feafts ; and for a more particular Difference of her Will, when fhe denies her felf all that does oppofe a noble Regularity, fuch a one, as requires a Woman, not to lend an Ear to doubtful Expreffions, co ambiguous ways of fpeaking on certain Matters of Gallantry, nor to difcourfe with certain forts of Perfons. No Looks beyond their Limits ; Regard muft be had to Time and Place, to give a Loofe to ones Eyes; no loud or fudden Laugh- ter muft break forth, and the SubjeQ: that tempts it, muft be common in its Effefts ; no loofe and eafy Pofture, tho^ Conveniency may invite them to it ; no new ways of Dref- fes; no Matches ofDiverfion in Mafquerade; no j2 THE CHARACTER OF no Friends, but fuch as are wife ; no Ene- mies but the Wicked. Finally, no Eyes for her own Vertues, nor Ears, nor Tongue for her own Praifes. This is the right way to begin a glorious Life, and to continue it without Cenfure, and I may fay too with- out Envy, but not without Satisfaction and Pleafyrq. But the greateft part of Women want thefe Means, and the Courfes they com- monly take, are neither fuch as Honour di- flates, or Modefty requires. Thefe being oppbfite to Vanity and Voluptuoufnefs ^ a Woman rather chufes to abate of her Mo- deily, than to retrench any thing of her Self- liove: That is the Caufe ftielays not afide fo many Circumftances of Ceremonies, fo many Niceties, which ar^ condemned by Modefty, as Conferences with fingle Men, a liicc Examination of xMens external Parts, the Preheminence in AlTemblies, the Accounts given of her own Inclinations, her diligent Examination of others Humours, her Faci- lity in Blaming,her Difficulty to approve, and the Liberty llie takes to impofe, order and command People in Places , and on fuch, things, which have not been committed to her Care. If a Woman was but an exa£t Performer of her incumbent Duties, fhe would not be fo apt to fet her felf forth in publick, nor fo peevifh at home ; Modefty would incline her to embrace Retirednefs; A MODEST WOMAN. 13 Ihe would be fenfible of the Contentments^ that Solitude and Privac y affords, and would dread the Troubles and Inconveniencies that Tumults and Confufions bring along with them. Itis infuchHurry, that we are apt to flip into Irregularities ; great Companies diftraft us even to Forgetfulnefs , and the fevereft Reftraint deftroy it felf by fre- quent Meetings^ and when a Woman is ac- cuftomed to the fight of new Faces : For Women love to be flattered, which is mofl: us'd by thofe, that have the lead Acquain* tance with them. The Want of knowing their Imperfeftions is the Reafon that they are more readily prais'd ; but this Incenfe fo pleafing to their Self-Love caufes them to be flighted in divers RefpeQs, and they com- monly are to the flattering Approbation of one fingle Perfon, an Hundred Defefts that are obvious to all the World befides. When once a Woman is fo far infatuated with Self-Love, as to fhake Hands with her Modefty, flie becomes the mofl: dangerous and ungovernable Monfter that is ; her Pride puts every Aflion, every Word, nay every Incident and Circumftaqce, how Mi- nute fo ever, into falfe Lights : Every un- common Civility flie looks upon as Adora- tion, and the mofl: notorious Flattery for Truth. She is violent in all fhe fays or dees ; her Efteem is but fliort, her Hatred impla- cable : A dubiousAnfwer flie thinks contume- 14 THE CHARACTER OF ly ; a cold Salute, an unpardonable Affront. Nothing can be right, but what bear the Stamp of her Approbation; no Perfon well bred, but what pay their Homage to her. To offer to take the Upper-hand of her, is a mortal Sin ; her arrogant Looks Crow-beat her Equals; and her haughty Carriage fpurns her Inferiours. Thofe whom a diftinguifhM Rank place above her, fhe fbuns more than the Plague, ancf even her Pride makes her glorious Amends , for (he believes her Ac- complifhments merit that Grandeur, which the others poffefs; nor will fhe allow it them, butasconferrM upon 'em, not only unreafo- iiably , but even by a meer Miftake too. Whatever Obligation fhe receives, (he takes it as a Debt paid, not a Favour conferred, be- caufe her Pride will not let her own,fhe flood in Need of any Body. She forgets her Duties towards her Neighbours, and her Pride con- ceals from her thofe Obligations (he has to ethers, fo that attributing to her felf through an ill grounded Opinion of her own Worthy thofe Honours and RefpeQs that fhe deferves not, fhe has no Regard for any thing but her felf, and ncglefts all thofe Duties, which JVlodefty direfts her to perform towards others. You'll frequently fee her fail in the common Civilities us'd at Meetings, in the converfing Part, and at the taking Leave; Not regarding that the Infractions of the Laws of Civility frequently turn to the De* ftruaiod A GODLT WOMAN. 15 ftruflion of Charity, and that there is but very little Diftance betwixt Dil-fatisfattion and Hatred. Therefore a rational Woman is ofanaccomplifh'd Exafctnefs in the nriea- neft Duties, that Moderty and Civility re- quires in Relation to others ; and bidding Adieu to Foppery, flie wholly applies her felffo to order her Conduft, as that ic may be Blamelefs as well in the meaneft, as in the greateft things. i6 THE CHARACTER OF A pretended Godly Woman. AFalfe Devotion is the moft dangerous of all Crimes, and the moft common of all Defetts ; fometimes Men ufe it for Reafons of State and Intereft ; but Women cortimonly on the Account of Pride andSelf- Love. A falfe Piety has divers Motives that engage Women on its part ; it is eafy, fortunate, and very fuccefsful. There is fre- quently no occafion to change Maxims, to flep from a moft licencious Life, to that which may appear the moft retired ; it is but fliifting our Habits, and then all thofe things that were denied to our Pleafures before, be- come fuitable to our Defires. Experience fets this To frequently before our Eyes, that we cannot wonder at the good Fortune of a great Number of Biggots of this Age. A Woman born with good Inclinations, edu- cated in good Principles, that would live in the Freedom of agreeable Societies, and yet retain the Charafter of vi^ife^ needs but one thing to compare both at onc^. Hypocrify will foon find her out a way to reconcile God and the World together, and to gratify her Self-Love, without Scandal to her Devotion. The World is in a ftrange Miiiake on the Account of Religion : The Learned confider it in its moft Sacred Myfterics : The Vulgar id A GODLT WOMAN. if in thofe outward Shews, that it impofes on them 5 and Women in certain Pradices, which they propoie to themfelves as Laws; by which they regulate the PerfeEli67i of their State. The Learned underftand Reli- gion^ the Vulgar believe it, and Women Ipoil it : For the firft feek it, the fecond foUov/ it, and the laft counterfeit it. Thefe Women bufy themfelves to pick but a parcel of Maxims fuitable to their own • Inclinations, on which Choice they frame a Scheme of their own, and the great Love they bear to thdfe fele'ded Vertues;^ caufes them to negled all the others. It is no matter amongft them, whether fuch or fuch a Lady is really Charitable^ fo fhe but ap- pears to be a L^dy of Charity, The bare Outfide of Reiigion is fufficient for them ^ no matter tho' the Infide be quite oppoiite to their PraHic^s. They value not much to omit Duties of Obligation^ provided the other Duties they perfer to thefe, be not very guilty in them- felves, aud that there be but as much room left as will contain their Excnfes^ or others Praifes of them. For it is thd Property of .falfe Devotion^ to imbue the Mind with Pride , and make it pretend to HttrniUty^ while it is drowned in Oftentation^ to un- dervalue and defpife fuch things as are tonfiderable in themfelves, and prize incon- fiderable things, as if they were of great C Moment, 18 THE CHARACTER OF Moment, This is the Secret the Devil makes ufe of with Women ^ he makes them behold with IndifFerency the Precepts of Religion^ while they are wholly taken up with bare Scriptural Advices, and that they employ all their Care Night and Day to praftife them. They will be very diligent to corred themfelves of fome fmall Defeds, and negligent in Matters highly Criminal : They need not fear to feel the Preflure of Sin, while they are ignorant of the Light of Grace, nor be concerned that they apply themfelves to fuch trivial things as fuit beft their Characters ^ while they negled thofe great Myjleries fo neceffary to their Sal- vation. Meantime, under the ufeful Vail of an Holy Appearance^ they remain fafe, and repair in th,e Minds of People the ill Im- preflions that any Diforder may have made, only by changing the Exterior, and adding Hypocrify to the reft of their Errors. By the laft EvH all the former are blotted out, and by a regular Outfide^ they endeavour to perfuade, that the Inward is pure and inno- cent. \Vhat a ftrange Error it is to judge of a Perfon's Conduft by a feeming Devoti- on ! Thofe that juftify a Bigot, are more apt to be deceived, than thofe that condemn a Uhertine, A meer Vrofejfion is no good Caution of Honour and Vertiie. Thofe that are moft inlightned A GODLY WOMAN. 19 inlightned, are the lefs deceived by thofe outward Grimaces^ becaufe they moft diftruft them ^ and all Hypocrites are fufpefted amongft rational Men. The Simple are deceived by the Hypocrites^ but the Hypo- crites are detefted by the Wife^ who do not eafily pafs by thofe three CharaBers which Hypocrify impofes on them , fo diredly op- polite to the Love we owe to God, and to our Neighbour, namely, iride^ Cruelty^ and Dijfimulation, Through the Inftigations of Fride^ they affume an Authority over all others that are not of their Kidney , and fome of them too are not exempt from their Infults^ efpeciaily if they are not equal at leaft to 'em in the refpeft of the Congregations and the Glories of an Exterior SanElity. They ufurp a Right of Cenfuring all the vVorld,and make 'em fall fhort of their own Devotion^ only to have a larger Scope of Backbiting, She robs her Family to fatten the Santlified Station^ and Cuckolds her Husband in the Fear of the Lord : Five a Clock Prayers are her Delight, and an Evening LeBiire the happy Corifiim- mation of a Day well fpent. She' is conftant at Ckitrch^ but 'tis to be feen there ^ and bitterly inveighs againft the Impious Lazi^ nefs of the Ungodly Wretches that don't come thither. . Tho' the Outfide appears fo Demure^ yet were the Soul to be feen. Hell was mine Ci^ A 20 THE CHARACTER OF A to it: However, God'be praifed their Aftions give us to underftand, that it is a Mercy not to fee a thing fo frightful. Speak againft her Teachers^ and Ihe foams at the Mouth •, Pious Furies dance in her Eyes, and Two and Twenty Legions at leaft fwell her Breaft : Damnation is your Lot to be fure -, and if it were not for the Law^ Ihe would have the Leachery of Murthermg you her felf : For nothing is more Cruel than an irritated Bigots As for I/iJJmmlatmi^ 'tis the Bafis of their Religion^ the formal Cant and Turfihig np of the Eyes^ the frequent Sighs and Sobbs^ the artificial Hmn's and Ha's^ the exegetical Motions of the Handkerchief ^ni Month:, are but the Superftrudure and Decorations of the Hypocritical Temple : By all thefe flu- died Arts they impofe upon the unthinking Mob, and exaft, nay, fometimes too, obtain freely a Reputation and CharaBer that is by no means in the World their due. As one of the Charms of Greatnefs and of Riches, is that Refped and Deference which they iiupofe -, fo one of the Afflidions of Mifery^ is the Contempt it draws upon it felf. Indigeyicy and Poverty blof out of weak Minds the Advantage of a good Birth^ the Splendor of iVfrn^, and the Beauty oiVertite, But if hijitftice raifes Fortune to fo high a Pitch, more equitable Tn/f/? always leaves it in the lowed Rank, and that Trtftb which . feems A GODLT WO2MAN. 21 fcems to mlighten the Bigots^, is trod under Foot by their own Cruelty* There is no barbarous Ufage which they do not inflift on thofe whom God has vifited with Poverty ^ Hunger^ Tbirft^ and Nakednefs^ are the meaneft Affliftioris that proceed from their Cares : Backbiting^ Slander^ Contempt^ and Ahiife^ are the Confequences of the Zeal they pretend to have for their 'Neighbour. When they are employed in the Relief of Families, and that a Paftors Goodnefs, who would not have any of his Flock to fufFer^ employs them in theExercife of the Duties of Charity •, they aft very barbaroufly and bafely : He relies on thofe pretended Zealous Souls, whofe exterior Praftices are exem- plary, and who Ihew in Publick the Duties which they owe God, but that little trouble themfelves in private about thofe due to their Neighbour. It is according to. the T I muft confefs, that a Ei^ot Woman is fo guilty, and has fo many I)efe6ls, that I muft not pretend to give a juft Account of them all : 1 treat but of thofe annexed to the profe(fed. The Hatred they have for all Women that are not Drefs'd after the Hypocritical Mode^ is fo great, that they cannot indure them, altho' they lead a Life e'xempted from all Blame. They fancy it is an horrid Crime to be adorned with fuch Ornaments as Birth and Eftate allows of, as if it was neceffary that thofe who are devoted to God, fhould begin their Reformation by putting on of Sack-cloth^ which frequently ferves but to cover a greater number of Sins^ without the Difcovery of one Vertue. Let the D^- cetts of a Linfy-Woolfy Modejly multiply in the World, it will itill be certain that the large Sleeves conceal more the Hands than the Covetoufnefs of the Wearers ^ and that It is not the Bigofs Drefs that makes Ver^ tuous Wo7nan, Mean time under that Habit they are apt to condemn others confidently, while A GODLT WOMAN. 23 while they Sin unpunifhed ^ they then raife themfelves above all Cenfure^ and Avhoever fpeaks Truth on this SubjeB ^ runs the Hazard of having Lies raifed on himfelf ^ for a falfe ?tety cannot fuffer to be blamed , tho' never fo juftly, without returning a Slander for it - and the ordinary Confequences of a Bigofs Anger, is, to Ruin thofe that have blamed her, tho' rightly. The moft excel- lent /^r;y?/^;«, tvQn Tmth it felf, Chri ft ^ did condemn the Afifeftation or Singularity of Apparel, when he blamed the Phar'/fees in long Robes and peculiar Fringes. He re. gard^d not their Accufation of the Adultrefs Woman •, he condemned them wh^n they offered to condemn others. This was a LeJJon of Providence^ to inform fuch as have Authority to proted thofe that are forfaken, and to correct thofe who accufe others, while they themfelves arp guilty. There are fuch nice and dangerous Ch\ cumflayices of Sin in Hypocnjy , that the Guilty frequently remain ignorant of the Mifery of their own Condition, A Tf^oman of the CharaEier I am now fetting forth, owns no other Iseighbour but thofe of her own Profejjion :. Whatever they fay or do, is pofitive in all refpeds, and a Bigot would make it a Scrifple of Confcience to doubt of a Slaiider that is -hatch'd by one of her own Tribe^. By the Means of this Error^ ihe ^efpifes all thofe that have been accufed, and C ^ undc3;= 24 THE CHARACTER OF under the Pretence of Reproving their Errors^ fhe publifhes them every where : For Slande-r is no Crime amongft the . Bigots, If they but fancy they fay the Truths they think they don't offend God ^ but Piety fpeaks a Lari^nage very different from thofe Maxms-^ and 'the true way to be a fincere and real Devote Woman^ is, by confuithig of it. In fhort, to fum up the CharaBet pf a Female Bigot ^ fhe is a Cur Jed Compofttion of Evil Qualities ; Her Hypocrijy juftiiies her. Fride^ and her Pride fupports her Hypocrify : The formal Zeal of her Lips countenances the Scandal of 'till -^ and fhe thinl^s that if fhe goes duly to Churchy flie may raife Lies upon all Mankind/ To turn up her Tail to the Godly ^ is Charity and Brotherly Love : To fpeak well of another SeB^ is Prophane : To have civil Commerce with em, is Abomi- nation^ unlefs there appear fome Hopes of bringing em over to the Lord. Hypocrify has nothing good in it, but that peradven- ture the zealous, exterior, and the feigned Devotion^ gives fome of the weaker People a real Inclination to Piety and Goodnefs : In every other Particular it is worfe than Atheifin ^ for one only affronts God by denying him, whereas the other confelTes him., and Impioufy Laughs at him to his very pace in every A3 of Devotion. • The A R^LjIGIOUS WOMAN, if The Religious Woman. FAtth is the Mother of Piety ^ whoever gives himfelf to GoJ}y.imd makes Pro- fejfion thereof, ought to. underftand well his Religion^ to delight in the Diftiej there- of, and perfectly perform them. His firft Care is to imfprm himfelf, and to guide the Coitrfe of his Life by the Faith of hi^ Knowledge J that he may not know thQ Law as Libertines do, nor praftice his Obedience to it as Bigots. But when Faith has Qnce fucceeded the Care of his InftrnBion^ that he is fure of having found out the Way^ the Truths and the Lt/c. 5 that he feels, that admirable Peace . which Txuth fpreads in his Soul, that hi^ Heart filled- with Charity , entertains no more Thoidghts^ but fuch as lead to the . Joys of Eternity i, bis Underftanding is con- vinced, his Soul is filled, with Holinefs^ and the Practice ofVertue becomes eafy, when the Mind is certain of what it ought to know, and the Fruit of that Knowledge becomes the Zeal of the WiH. Then is feen that Mary A'ikt prefling Defire to find out Chrijl^ that Love of the Magdalen s^ tp follow him, and that Care of the Martlya?, to ferve>. 'knyi. Neither the fr^r^ of the Angela nor the Oppofitioik 4 26 THE CHARACTER OF Oppofttion of the Pharzfies, nor the Pref}f-^ rence of li^lagdalen, can flop them. Depre^ Courage^ and Power to perform, follow Faith clofe at the Heels, Hope and Charity animates them 5 they run tranfported by their earneft Defires^ but all this in the way pf Truths following Chrifi without ceafing and Reft, continually bufying themfelves in the Lord's Vineyard^ and never draining the Tower of their Will, tho' they weaken the Strength of their Bodies. This is xhtRule of a Soul that truly feeks after God, a burn- ing Defire of performing all things for the Love of him, fuch an ImpreJJion of his Di- vinity that continually humbles us, and that flielters us from the Pride of the Jjevdy which is fo dangerous to innoceirt Souls. An inexpreflible Refohtion, which makes us to overcome all Obfiacles which we meet in the Way, traced out by Jefu5 Chriff, in which we muft go without Intermiflioh or Looking back, if we would be perfeH. None can follow Chrifi by Intervals, it is a Courfe without Interruption^ which the Will mufl perform ^ the leaft Reft diftances us from_ it, and frequently Neglect makes, us to loofe the Sight of it:, and fo ftraggle out of the Way as never to retrieve it again : It is our faithful and diligent following of him, which is the moft elfential Article of true Piety. How A RELIGIOUS WOMAN. 27 How many Souls feek after Chriji that find him, and afterwards leave, and fly from him > The Fervency of Devotion gives them impetuous Motions, which natural TTeak^ nefs^ Occajiony and Tendency^ flops in the midft of their Cottrfe, and frequently that great Zeal which our Conjiitntion animates, yields to the meaneft Trifle which offends the Predominant faffmu We ought not to give the ConduB of the other Venues to that which we value mofl, but to that Vertue that is mofl neceffary, which is that that curbs moft our Will^ and ivhich makes us the clofer to follow Chriji. Love cannot move with'heavy Feet :, when the Heart freely gives it felf up, we fly 5 when Love calls upon us, the Spirit of Ci&^- rity pufhes us on, and the Holy Tranfport of a Soul that loves God, caufes it to follow the Precepts and the Councels of Chriji fo exaftly, that its ConduB appears as a Gofpel^ wherein one fees writ down the LeJJons of a Crucified God. I confefs, that the Scarcity of thofe Apojlolical Perjons which filled the firft Agesy would give Caufe to doubt whe- ther there have been any fuch in ours > if the Perfeftion of thofe that give us Examples^ did not attone for the fmall l^umbery and did not perfuade us by the BxceUency of fo wonderful ^ State y of the Comforts which Grace communicates in this laborious way of Pejiitencey to ferve ^nd follow Chift : For #^' 28 THE CHARACTER OF For the fame Wil/ which makes us to follow Iiim every where, makes us to ferve hirri' in all things : It fuffices not to love him in Co7itemplation 5 we muft worfhip him in Bubmijjion alfo. We muft ferve him with a Taklfidnefs proportionable to our Condition^ for die Law is r^ot kept by meer Speculation 5, that C^^rfzrv which God requires of us, muft be a6live,and Faith^ th2LtDwi?ie Vertue which makes, us to adore him, is not contented with the* bar^ Sub?mffion oi pur Knowledge^ but requires alfo t\it Wori-s of an adive Charity^ and. chat i\\tJieart be aflifted by the i/^Wj-. Wherefore there is no Reft to a Ci?ri/?i^«j Soul 5 its Work is to begin with ,its Reafon^ and end but with its Lifi^ and all its , PerfeSion confifts to begin it with Chearfulnefs^ to continue it with CouragCy and to- end it with Love. When that Love^ which is the Foundation of the Law; has once penetrated the Heart of Man^ all the Severities of Venance^ all Rigours appear pleafing to his Defires^ all his Obligations towards God are filled with an unlimited Fervency: JrlisZeal omits nothing that might contribute to tht Glory of God 3 and his Neighbour, through an Effiifion of the fame Charity, is fought after with Care, wherever he fuffers 3 is affifted with Diligence in any thing that he wants ^ and is comforted with Mildnejs, according to hisCqnditioii^ The f^me. A RELIGIOUS WOMAN. 29 fame Zeal which raifes him towards God through Love, >that unites him to his Neigh- bour by C^^^rir;', humbles him alfo, and fhews him ihcit Not hing^ni thatSm which are truly his orvriy and proper to him. In reflefting on his owniM/y^ri^j-^he conceives the vaftDillance he is at from the Excellencies of the Divhiityy and ftrengthens his Faithy which caufes him to adore that hnmenfity which he admires : He examines what is that Non-entity whereof he confifts, and that RefleBion leads him to a Co7itempt of himfelf, and to the Love he owes to his God. This is the true Situati- on of a Chrijiian Soid that profefTes Piety 5 there is no Thoughts left of outward Jp- pearances, when one publickly declares to be a Child of the Eternal Joys : For this there is required a Circiinictjwn of the Will^ and that Interejl and Self-Love being for ever deftroyed by the Power of our Love to- wards God, they may no longer be capable to ftay us in the way of Vertue : We muft be, as St. Paid fays, Stronger than the Gates of Hell y through the Power of Charity. Let every one exarnine himfelf on this Modcd of Piety, and judging himfelf with Severity, confefs his Sins towards God, and Faults towards Men 5 and let this fincere Acknowledgment create in him the ftrongeft Senfe of Abnegation that we are capable of feeling :, 30 RELIGIOUS WOMAN. feeling , without which we can never feek after ^ follow^ nor ferve Chrijiy as he requires^ and as we ought to do. , tk THE CHARACTER OF 31 The Witty Woman. W7 T in Women^ is like Metal in a Blind Horfe 5 it ferves only to ha- zard their Shins. The Vanity of Ihewing it, expofes 'em to all Company 5 and it%)ften ' happens, that in a numerous Acquaintance^ where they ftrive to eftabliih an Empire^ they make Shipwreck of their Reputation^ and fometimes of their Vertue, The vio- lenteft PaJJion imaginable has not fo much Effeft upon a Lovely Woman^ as a little well- managed Flattery and Incense has upon one that values her (elf upon a pert Humour^ and a Volubility of Language. But, in a Word, a Woman that pretends to ?F7Y,is infufferable in Society^ becaufe it is very rare to meet with any of that CharaBer^ but fuch as are infupportably Vain and Arrogant 3 of which I am going to give you an Account. The greateft Wanton is lefs charmed with her own Beauty^ than the leaft Witty is con- ceited with her own Genius : She has an univerfal Contempt for all Creatures ^ flie in a manner confounds Man with Beajls^ if ^Ihe finds his if ^/zpw not accompanied with Wit 5 and fhe lives at a great Diftance from common Senfe^ through that Pride into which fhe 3^ THE CHARACTER OF Ihe is puffed up by her pretended Jhc Wit^ which makes her to become as infufferable to others^ as others appeai: to her. A Wo- man that is thus blinded, is fo far from Truths that it is no wonder the moft Prudent avoid her, and the lefs Fearful dread her • fot Ih'e is capable of nothing but to gi\'e falfe Colours to L?>j, and to commit Evil with the in'ore Cunnmg ~: Of which this is the Reafon ^ a Woman runs fuperficially over the Sciences^ but never dives into them t She naturally receives Eloquence^ and puts it in Ufe without the Rules requifite for it .5 Ihe ^' Ives to thofe Authors that fpeak moft her oum Senffe, without giving her felf the trouble to pick put thofe that are moft ufe- ful for her. She ftlidies Words only, for ihe believes that it is the Term that does all. No Condition can pleafe her, without Fo- litejiefs^ becaufe Wifdom and Tn4th are ba- nifhed from her Studj\ which ftie wholly applies to the moft recei\^ed nice and Ex- freljions : And if fhe does but obferv^e fuch an ExaBnefs in Speechas exempts her from trefpafling againft the Rules of a corred: Dif- conrfe^ ftie troubles her felf no ferthet, and cares nor whither flie thinks as others do, provided another fpeaks not fo finely as ftie. The Defire ftie has to appear Learned^ is the chiefeft Oh(lacle to hinder her from being fo 5 for there is required a great Proportion of concealed Tiyne and Labour to attain to . an A WITTY WOMAN.^ 33 an ^proved Merit : and Women are more inclihed to loofe their Time at Eafe, than to employ either Time or Labour to acquire Vertue, That is the Reafon their beft and chiefeft Talent confifts in Converfation -^ it is at fuch a time that their earneft Dejire to appear fomething more than ordinary breaks forth, and that they fpread in others Mi?ic}s fome Defect of their own ^ for in one Af- ternoons fpace they make a whole Courfe of Wit ^ they pafs from BoElrine to Manners^ from life to Opinion^ from Serioufnefs to Airi?iefs 5 and in two Hours time they treat of all the Interefts of Europe^ tho' they know not the leaft of them 5 they drain Matter dry, without fo much as touching them 5 they o^tnA. Reafon in but attempt- ing to Reafon 5 they have fuch a Series of Thoughts as furniilies them with Siifficieyjcy of Words to fill up the Chafms of Time^ and are very well pleafed to fpend a World of Exprejfwns on things that they are utter Strangers to. They ufe Caufes, that a Politenefs of LaJi-, guage conceals part of their Ignorance ^ and that an Adulator pleafes and prepolfefles them with his Bazvbing^ v/hich with them paffes for a juft Homage. The Flatterer is not diftinguiflied from the Sincere amongft ' them 5 they rely on a dangerous Approbati- on^ not confulting Science which might en- lighten them ^ thofe falfe Glimmerings that D dazle 34 THE CHARACTER OF dazle them, give fo fair a Light, that Self- Love takes care to preferve it, to fet forth it felf by it. And thus they fancy them- felves raifed up to a Pitch of Knowledge^ of which they fcarce preferve the bare Name in their Memory. This is the Cuftom of your Witty Women^ they have a vaft Idea of Wit in their Imagi- nation^ but no XnoTvlecIge^ no Rule, nor Under/landings a bare Idea only, that is, a vaft Extent which comprehends all grea^t things 3 a great Space within themfelves where they fancy to behold an AiTembly of ail the various AccompUjhments of the Mind. When a Trudent Man confults Truths and believes he has found it, ht fixes and termi- nates there : He no longer ftrays from that Point -^ he is doubtful of all things eife, and is not certain of any thing, but in Relation to that which h^s fi^xed him, and unto which he believes Truth to be annexed 5 and that is what renders him juft in the Cojifequences^ provided he has not been deceived in his iirfl: Choice 5 for he deviates not from his firfl: Principle ^ he is ftill the fame, an uni- form Senfe guides him in all refpefts. He is prefently fenfible that the Fruits of his Labour is a Light without Shadow^ which exempts him from all the Spots and BlemiJIjes of Error. But the fame Reafon that ftrengthens A WITTT WOMAN. 55 ilrengthens fo good a GeniuSy does alfo for- tify a bad one. Stability is the Confequeiice of an accepta- ble Opinion, and Women^ who determinate their Thoughts with much more Eafe than Men^ are alfo more apt to prevaricate from Truth ^ they efpoufe a Party without con- fulting their Reafon^ and they have no fooner followed their own Byafs^ but it becomes their whole Lights and perpetuates them in that Error of Choice 5 they err through Quicknefs of Apprehenfwn^ which makes them to refolve before they have thought 5 and this firft Error^ into which Ignorance has led them, is the firft Caufe of all thofe Strayings of Reafon and Common Senfe^ which they have on all things, which renders them infufferable 5 for they have not the Ppwer to correft themfelves, their Knowledge being feduced through Opinio7iy will not yield to friendly Cares^ to the Ad-^ vices of good Authors, nor even to the firft TinBitres they have, to change. The Habit of Opinion is more powerful than all the Pajjions together 5 there is required a fuper- natural Power to reduce tQ> Truth a Mind that is fpoiled by falfe Principles that pleafe it. A Woman whofe Mind is not right, changes the Oh]t(ksoi Nature^ andofP/^f^^ Truth muft ftand awry, that Ihe may fee her aright ^ for (lie perceives nothing but through fuch Shadows, as deceive her^ and Da' \ that; 3^ THE CHARACTER OF that caufes her to deceive others, becaufe flie infimaates thefe falfe Lights^ and makes ufe of the moft lively Colours^ to make them appear to others as right asftieher felf fan- cies them. Men are exempted from that dangerous Sand'^ but Women^ whofe Blindnefs caufes them to feek after Lights grow the more blind the more they go about to enlighten themfelves, and fall into the Inconveniency of the Witty ^ which is to admire while they deceive themfelves. Their confufed Know- ledge^ the Aptnefs they have to afpire to elevated things, and the Beftre to appear capable, are the Caufes of their Ignorance 5 and it produces fuch Obfiacles as render Sci- ence much more neceflary and convenient to them. Th A PRUDENT WOMAN. 37 TJ7e Prudent Woman. W/ T is of both Sexes. The Soul is a Spiritual being, capable to perform its Operations in Women as well as Men 5 and tho' Men are defignd for laborious Em- ploys^ and fuch as require Knowledge and Application 5 Women^ whom Cuftom has juftly excluded from thofe Employs^ ( their tender and foft Tempers not inabling them to bear the Burden thereof) are not to be excluded from the Labouring after Know- ledge^ becaufe it is very neceflary to all, and if it prejudices any, it is fuch as would be much more injured by Ignorance^ than bv the Lights of Knowledge. As one that is Half Wi[e values himfelf even upon that little he knows, fo an Ignorant Coxcomb is puffed up with nothing at all, and would think himfelf an Angela fhould he know never fo little. All that he learns, contri- butes much more to his tride^ than to his VerfeBion. Wherefore the fir ft Step of an Ingenious l^trfon is to be fenfible he knows nothing 5 and to have a Dejire to know much, before he knows any thing at alL As there is nothing more deiirous than Knowledge^ fo the Difficulties of attaining to any Degree of FerfeBion in it, require a D 3 great 38 THE CHARACTER OF great deal of Tme, and an afliduous Jppli- cation. This difgufts the Lazy^ and makes 'em content themfelves with being not quite Fools :^ 2indi fince a fupeirficial Acquaintance may be had with the Sciences at a much ea- fier Rate, they beg your Pardon for long Watchings , and tedious Turnmg over of Voluminous Authors : And if they attain to fome fmall Smattering in Letters, they are vainer by half than a confiderable Projicient in Learning and Knowledge. This pitiful Sample of tfnderfianding having had no folid Bafts y never proceeds very far 5 and if Pride I and Self-Love did not cherilh and nourifh it, we could not but blufh at our pretended Scholarjinpy which in EfFed is nothing more than a well-varnifh'd Ignorance. Many Men^ through want of a jull Relifli of Learnings are mighty inquifitive after Curiofities : And thefe feeble fantaftical Genius's never arrive to any PerfeBion ^ they are pleafed with the good Phantomof Knowledge^ and think every little Out-of-the-way thing that they ftumble upon, is an Arcanum of 'Fature 5 for it is rare if ever theCe forts of Capacities have their Eyes opened 5 and fo their vain Error roots it felf into 'em, and attends em to ^heir Grave. The great Advantage of Knowledge^ is, to correft all the Abufes of OUT mii'-guidtd Ed?4cat2on^ and ifpoflibe, to eftablifh the Soul and Reafon in their proper Empires. He that has pry'd the moft nar- rowly r^ A PRUDENT WOMAN. 39 narrowly into himfelf, has only the Confo- iation of difcovering how ignorant he was even when he thought he knew confidera- bly. Real Knowledge makes us humble, but a Smattering of Learning only feeds our Vride^ Vanity, and Self-Conceit. Certainly he who neglefts Knowledge^ is very near quitting his Reafon 5 and from a Difguft of the juft Rules of Philofophy, it is not far to the Lofs of Common Senje ; For how can a Perfon be counted Judicious that pofTeiTes nothing but thofe Vapours of a quick Apprebenjion^ which a boiling hot Blood produces on certain occafions, where the Difpofttion of the Organs, join'd to the VaJJjon which then animates him, makes him accidentally light on fome good Notions, and exprefs them rightly 5 whoever fhould judge of any Perfon on fo bare a Tryal, would think him Learned, while he only pofleffed the Means of being fo ! No ^ tho' we have never fo good natural Parts, they require the Mafter-ftroaks of Sciences, to render them accompliihed, and with what fine Wit foever Mature has endowed a M.an, it is never naturally what it would be when aflifted with the Advantages of Learning, It happens alfo fometimes, that an Under- fianding Perfon, that has but an indifferent Genius, is capable of deftroying it without Redemption, for want of certain Rules : for the natural ABions of the Mind may as foon D 4 flip ^o THE CHARACTER OF flip by a Tntth, as find it. It is meer Chance tliat is the Reafon that Women^ who are moft capable through their Acittenefs to raife themfeh^es unto the moft fublime things, ?.nd more liable through Change to abandon Truth after they have attained to it, have more need of a regular Knowledge^ than all others to frame their Minds into Order ^ and to fix them firm with JJfurance, we ought to feek after the moft approved Method of Stitdji^ and ftick to its Rules to guide our Knowledge ^ and when by fuch Matters as are generally approved, we have informed our felves of all things, we muft not yet fancy we know enough. It is for want of a perfed U?iderftanding that we make Halts in the Way of Truth. Scarce does a Ma?is Life fuffice to know that which a Child fhould not be ignorant of ^ we grow weary inftead of taking Ceufage ^ Vanity fixes us, and frequently an Approbation makes us fo Proud ^s to negled to take thofe Pains which v.'O'ild tend to our JccomplifJjments. We make a Stop at the firft Tinftures of Learn- ings and inftead of animating our felves Avith thofe DeJIres that an inlightned Mind V70uld inTpire, we remain in the Co7idition of the half Learned, which is only to ap- pear fomerhing. However, there are but few of thofe elevated Minds that are above iho: Co?n?noii Levels that fall into {uohCare- , lefnefs -^ they are raifed by a more Noble hnpidfe A PRUDENT WOMAN. 41 Impnrfe above all Vain-Glory 5 and that which they already know, ferves as a Spur to make them learn more. You ftiall iind them ( tho' fixed to the Sentiments of the moft Eminent Authors) inftruding them- felves with all the others of lefs Efteem, and without being puzled with the Vanity of Opinions , confirm themfelves in the moft jult of thofe which they have made Choice^ and caufe all Oppofttions to contribute to the Glory of Truth. To know much, we ought not to value nor confult our felves ^ Self- Love is an Enemy to Labour and fain^ and Opinion to Truth : wc ought to fufped: all things which we either advance of our felves, or that we are Judges of. Not that we (hould fubmit our felves to all forts of Judgments more readily than to our own, but our own ought always to make us trem- ble when it is not diredly conformable to the Aficients^ and to thofe Moderns that are indued with ftrong and powerful Reafons. Wherefore it is obferved, that your great Wits that afpire to the Knowledge of the moft abftruce things, confult all things, con- tinually informing themfelves, and approve not much their own Conceptions. To what Degree and Pitch foever we have by our Indiiftry advanced our Learnings either as to Generals or Particulars, or through the Sublimity of our Ge?iiiis's^ we fhould feem to have out-ftript Com?non Knowledge ^ yet after 4i THE CHARACTER OF after all, this would but aflure us how vaft and immeafurable a Qiiantity of Knowledge Jay out of Sight, as well as out of our Reach. Art^l Hztmility is the moft infalli- ble Argument of a Ma?is being a Knowing Man. We ought to know all things, the better to know, and lefs to value our felves, and with a continual Application^ inftrud our felves in the Knowledge of God, in whom alone is the true Knowledge of all things, and the Fulnefs of Eternal Wifdom. The A PENURIOUS WOMAN. 45 The Houfe-Wife, or Perm-- riom Woman. TH E R E is nothing fo good in its own Nature^ but what Ignorance and Pride may diftort to its contrary, and of a necef- fary Vertue make commodious Vice, That wonderful Dijcretion fo requifite to every Married Woman, tho' fo rarely to be found amongft em, I mean a good Oeconomy, is the frefervation of a Mans Honour, without the Impairing his Temporal affairs 5 a judici- ous Dijiin&ion between Penury and Profufe- nefs. Hofpitahty is often the Ruin of a Man when a vain or a Foolijh Womm has the C^w- i^f/S of his Fajnily : What he intends gene- rouily, Ihe laviihes away through want of ConduB, and willing to gratify her own y/w- iition, as well as comply with the noble free Spirit of her Hnjband, the unhappy Man tinds his Elate finking, and he reduced to an un- grateful NeceJJity of contrafting his way of Living, which might have been continued had not a Foolijh JToman had the Manage- 7ne?it of his Expence, The Misfortune of one extream precipitates them, or rather her, into another, more fafe, but hardly more honourable : Now ihe is as clofe-fifted, as i)efore (he had been liberal, now every Body in 44 THE CHARACTER OF in the Family muft ftarve to repair former Extravagances : to drink between Meals is perfeft Gluttony -^ to t^t Butter with Cheefe, perfed wafte 5 a Cruft of Brea dgiven away at the Door is robbing her Hiijband: Sawces with Meat is Sitperflinty^ and every Relation that comes to Dine with them , is wilh'd choak'd with the firft Bit he puts in his Mouth. A Woman whofe Heart has not been mov'd by Gallantry , nor by vain Glory ^ ought to fear being overcome by Intereji^ and it's a very difficult Tajk for her to avoid the Love of Riches^ when fhe defpifes Am- bition. The fame Temper that leads her to live a retired Life, inclines her to hoard her Money up, and all the hove flie exprelfes towards thmgs that are reafonable at the Bottom, is but a fordid hove of Wealth, A Covetous Woman^ that has acquired the Title of Good Houfe-Wife^ is wonderful in her Vigilance^ ExaSnefs and in her Under-' Jlandhig, Nothing out-does her Cares^ noth- ing furprifes her ExaEinefs^ and nothing ef- capes her Knowledge. Her Defire continu- ally agitates her, which makes her more reftlefs then others, as the continual Fear fhe is in to loofe anv thing, perpetually difturbs her. She examines ail thmgs very ftriaiy 5 fhe fpends nothing idly , and caufeS her to take Notice of every thing that is PENURIOUS WOMAN. 45 is done in her Family^ and frequently to fee even what is not done in it 5 for on that falfe Opinion that prepoffeffes her, Ihe fre- quently fancies things that are not. Her 'Love tyres her, her ExaBnefs troubles her, and her very beft concerted Meafitres deceive her : She taxes her felf with Sloth^ with Carelefnefsy and with BUnclnefs , without once thinking on Covetoitfnefs^ which is the only thing that difturbs her, and which putsr her on taking a thoufand Troubles upon her, which terminate in Vice, One rnay be : fparing without Difturbance, and frequently I an over diligent Woman fpares more and ' faves lefs, then fhe loofes otherwife. How many do we fee amongft thofe that pinch in neceffary Expences^ who by a Cuftom of Pe?iurenefs at laft bring themfelves not to fpend any thing at all, and will hazard all in hopes of a great Gain ^ we live no longer in the Days of Vertiie 5 all things are now CdLvntdi mto Extremities. If any Perfon is expenfive it is even to Prodigality^ and if any are fparing,it is through Avarice. A Woman thus blinded, is the moft to be la- mented 5 for fhe is pafs'd all Hopes of A- mendment 5 forne Perfons may be fenfible of others Errors, but fuch as are guilty of this /w^7//^d' themfelves. Hardnefs of Heart is infeparable from it, becaufe Cnftom, Reafon^ Vrndence^ and even Neceflity, engage us to good Management , and form good Hitjbandty to 46 THE CHARACTER OF to avarice, there is but one Step to make 5 which is done frequently without Conlide- ration. An exad Perfon is as rare to be fo ad under the 7iew , as it was under the ancient Law. It is difficult to ftancj iirm when the Ground is fo flippery* It is to ■ he Conqueft of this approved Vice that I would condud the Women of this Age 5 1 would fain root out their Heart, their Spi Tit of Pemtrenefs , take away AElivity o ABio7u , which exprefs fo much Paffioi in thofe Cares they take upon themfelx^es. would not that any unexfpeded Slight ^ fhould ever furprlfe them fomuch as to xtn them that thofe fmall Lolfes which happer by a thoufand Accidents , Ihould difturb their Reft, It would be a very agreable thing to fee a Woman wife and regular Thofe that pretend to thofe Qualities, have commonly nothing in them, but a Craftinefi to hoar'd up, and Objlinacy to keep , and s dreadful Apprehenjion to loofe. You Ihall fee them employ all their Wits, in finding out ways to increafe their Stores, take all the Pains imaginable to preferve the means they poifefs, and fret themfelves to Death at the Thoughts of neceffary Expences^ and oi the evil Accidents that might happen ^ fo, that the time pafs'd is the Caufe of theix "Regrets, the prefent time, that of their Ve- xation^ and the time to come, that of theix Fears and Apprehenfwns^ Thus tormentec in A PENURIOUS WOMAK 47 in Heart and in Mind, they have no Eyes but to behold their own Interejly all they do, is in relation to that, and even their Afts of Piety y are bent intentionally on In- terejl. They hope from their Prayers, the Profperity of their Family 5 and this is fo true, that when the Duties of Religioii are oppofite to their Penurioiifnefs^ they curtail little the tirft, that they ipay not take any thing away from the latter. And there is no Scruple made in Relation to Honfewifery^ to take Care of the main Chance as they call it, before they entertain any Thoughts con- cerning Salvation. The Cahn of an a\'ari- cious Cofifcience, is a Condition worthy Q?w-_ pajjion \ no Trouble awakens it out of that he- thargie of Intereft, which Women fuit with their Reafon. Sometimes they return God Thanks even for that deplorable Condition jhey are in, as if it was a Gift of his Mercy ^ returning frequently lefs Thanks, for the Goods God has bellowed on them, than for the Lcve that they bear towards thofe Means they have received ^ for all the RefieSion which a Woman's Charity caufes her to make at the Sight of a miferable Mans Condition, is nothing but the Refolution of keeping fafe what fhe has, for Fear of failing into the like Neceflity. A Covetous Woman feeks every where for fome B'jdy moTe Covetous than her felf, to '48 THE CHARACTER OF ^ohthQT Models and to give to others an Example ^ and the Confequence of this is to fix her Mind on avarice, fo as to carrj it on to the his^heft Degree^ and to exerciie it above ail tilings in her Family 5 retrenching part of what is neceflfary, affording no more NourifhmenC than what will ferve to make Servants languifh^butnot live^ denying to her felf all that fhe might allow to others, with- out Prejudice to the mainland leading a moft miferable Life , under the fpecious Pre- tence oi Hoitfe-wtfery. A Pretence that de- ceives her in abufing others , and which caufes her to ad fuch Jhamefid Things^ of which flie glories in private,pradifing to her felf her Indujlry in the Performance of a Thoufand bafe Things, which faves her fome Pence, but cofts her more in Reputation and Honour^ than fhe has of wealth. AH Reafon and even Chrijlianity are to be laid afide where her hiterejl is concerned. She forgets the Duties of Bloody of Friendship and of Acknowledgment or Gratitude , where there is any ProfpeB of Gain ^ and where Profit has a Share. She remembers not any thing of Duty ^ but thinks of all that Ihe is worth, and Intereft alone judges of all her Circumfiances^ and is the Rule of her whole ConduB. Such an Hoitfe-Wife bids welcome but to fuch as vifit her on the Account of her own Intereft. ' Birth-right^ Good Will aud Frkndfoip are always beftowed on the moft A GOOD HOUSE-WIFE. 49 ttioft Lucky of M her Children, Her Kind- nefs in her Family is always for that Perfori that is leaft chargeable, tho' he may be the Word of all the Servants ^ and her Dijl'm- Sion amongft her Friends is always to prefer the moft Rich, becaufe he cannot be char- geable, and becaufe Ihe hopes for fome Ser- vices from his Credit^ Authority^ and Favour i the Greatnefs of which Ihe exprelles by her obfequious Seeking after fuch Perfons and their Meannefs^ and by the forgetting of them, which foon follows. This is the Condition of the Houfe-wifery of this x\ge, which (lands in need of a Rule, to be cor- reded by, which Rule immediately follows. E The 50 THE CHARACTER OF The Good Houfe-Wife, ORDER is fo neceffary , that neither Kingdoms^ Commonroealths^ Repuhlicks^ nor even particular Families could long fub- fift without it. It is a Rule that preferves our Quiet ^ Healthy and IVealth ^ we are not troubled with any Vneafmefs :, when we regulate our Time and Bufinefs 3 and take our Sleep and Diet with Moderation : Neither is our Wealth exhaufted, when a ju- dicious Rule fixes our Expences. That e- quitable Rule permits us not to go beyond our Abilities^ if we ferioufly confult it, we keep our Subjlance in good Order, and it's rare to Die Infirm or Poor , after we have continually praftifed it. This is the Venue which reconciles Authority and lA- ceyice^Avarice and Prodigality\^ni that by the bringing together thole two oppofite Ends, makes up a good thing of two Bad ones, and hinders the Exceffes, in which thofe diffe- rent Fices lead each particular Perfon, ac- cording to his particuhr Te?nper. It is not only necelfary to each Family^ to each Per- fon^ but alfo to every AElion of our hives, .\Ve cannot well make a Qift^ a Purchace^ or a Payment^ without the Ride ^ which prefcribs to buy things according to their Val^ A GOOD H0USE4VIFE. 51 Value, to pay juftly what we owe, and to give what is properly our own : That a yu~ (lice fuitable to each particular u45?^w of ours, fums up the fall Number of them all, and renders the Courfe of our Lives comfortable. For the moft perfed: SatisfaBiG?t in this World, is, that which the Tranquility of the Soul affords "us, and that compleat foj can- not fubfift where Cri?nes and Vices reign x, for it is the Refult of an irregular Conduft to hate what is Goocl^ and to accuftom our felves to what is Evil. Excefs is the only thing that pleafes a Mind not guided by Reafon 5 and Reafon is too great a Friend to Regularity , to cohabit with Vice 5 it drives Vice away, or Vice' deGiioy^ it : It is a Combat that lafts but a fhort while, for the Strongeft ftands to ir, and the Wifeft flies. Vice acts Tyrannically, but Reafon vvith Mildnefs 5 and the Refult of thefe paffionate Motions, is a Regret proceeding either from the Guilt or the Misfortime. Diforder does not lefs feparate a Man from Jiifiice and Honour^ than from Vertue 5 for a Mind or an Heart that is carried away by the Power of its /7zc///7/2f7^?7j-, Vv^hich fubmits its Knowledge , to the Pleafures of its, own Will, and that rules its ABions by the Motions of a diforderly Principle^ does by this univerfal Confnfwn^ make all its conferves Partaker of its Corruptions^ and creates a Diforder that confounds the ways E 11 of 52 THE CHARACTER OF of Truih with the Paths that lead to Falfe- hood, and itill adds to its Confufwn by fuch RefieBiGns as afflift it. A Man is no longer capable of a happy Return from Evil to Good, from Difquietnefs to Reft, he ftands in need of foreign Advices to regu- late himfelf by, and tho' he knows them, he is Jefs capable of managing them^ than an abfolute Stranger. The Caufe of all thefe T>7forJers^\s> the forfaking of that Rule,which limited his Dzfties^ and having yeilded into SaJJions that diforder'd his own ConduB^ and that of his Family. This Diforder ruins fome through PJenty, and others through Avarice. Men are apt to fall into this firft Error ^ they yield themfelves up to the Plea- fitres of this Worlds and without making ReffeBions they beftow on Pleafure all their Wealth Rud Fortwie. They fome times find fome Plea fur es alfo in the outward Appea- ranee of an imaginary Glory^ and tho' it proves chargeable both to their Co7ifcience and to their Piirfe^jct they retrench nothing their Rethme 5 but rather increafe their Fa- imlyy as they do their A?nbition. As to Women whole Minds are naturally bent to Cov^tonfnefSy they are very different from thefe I have now mention d. They increafe in nothing but in Fice, Their Penimcufnejs makes them pinch on every thing 5 and their Rule confiils in perpetual Dimhiytions^whioh Practice becomes in time Cujlo-mary to them, and ^A PENURIOUS WOMAN. 53 and in vain does Rule admonifli them in all their Houfhold Concerns, in order tore- claim them. Nothing can move them 5 a negleded fick Bociy^ a Child ill cJoathed, a Servant ill pay'd, and worfe fed, all thofe Diforders move not their Minds. They themfelves fufFer through their own Cove- tmtfnefs^ and think they ought fo to do 5 and provided there be no fuperfluous Expen- cesy let the necelFary Charges be never fo retrenched, all appears to her in a good Or- der. Thefe are not the Laws that an Equi- table Rule requires us to obfer\'e, if they forbid ExceJfeSy they alfo forbid Pemiry ^ if it dif-allows continual Falling?, it permits moderate and orderly Meals, and when it retrenches the Superfluity of Dilhes, it does not ftrike at to what is necelfary for Life. AVhile it oppofes Magnificence , it ft ill remains a Friend to Decency^ and its princi- pal Bufinefs is to limit every one to their proper Condition, and to allow of all that can be done within the juft Bounds of every Man's Eftate. The 54 THE CHARACTER OF The Gaming Woman. Gx\ M I N G is a dangerous Paflion, which fome times caufes in one Day the Lofs of more than the Expences of a whole Year, and the moft wealthy and beft regulated Family cannot hold out againft the Extravagancies of a Woman that Plajs^ who to pleafe her felf loofes her Reft, and for whole Diverfwyi the whole Day is too fliort, Night muft partake of them alfo, and her whole Life is perpetual Gaming, A Woman whofe depraved I^ature inclines her to this, and who has been fortified in it by Habit^ has no other Defires. She neglefts all othet Cares, and through a Paflionate Vre-Poffefflon^ makes of Gaming a Law^ an Honour^ and a Rule. She examines what is its due, and performes it exactly, cafts up the Expences of it, and liberally fupplies them : She approves of its Rules, and ob- ferves them Regularly. Therefore fuch a Woman is rarely at Church, at fucTi Vi- fits as fhe is obliged to pay, nor at home. Through this Profejfiou of being a Ga- ?nejtrefs^ ftie renounces to Pietj^ Ho?W7n\ and Regularity 5 flie cannot comply with all the Obligations of her Duties , while her Paffion impofes others upon her, that are fQ A GAMING WOMAN. 55 ib preffing, fo adive, and fo continual, that fhelias no Time, no Defire^ nor hove, for any thing elfe. She hates all other Diverji- ons^ but through the Love fhe has for that Particular one, pie is fparingin all things but thofe which conferve Gaming to defray the Expences of it. And it is thefe Ga- ming-Tables that caufe the Lof? of all our Wealth, and create the Greedbiefs of Riches ^ at thefe the whole Delight of their Souls, ^o^s profufely waft it felf. The Broils which hiterefl caufes in Difputes are but as fo maliy Grains of Salt to whet their Appetites. The Vexations arefuited to thcivPleafures: they are mov'd 5 but to appeafe themfelves again, and ■hey appeafe themfelves, but to be the oftner tranfported. It's in thofe oppofite PaJ/ions that they find their Healths, and SatisfaBi- ons, and they are never feen more pleas'd, than in the Midft of the Confiifions of Ga- mtng-Hoitfes, where Intereft Avarice, and Deceit maintain their Voclmnal Efnpire. There they fortify their Vafjion, empty their Purfes, and fpend their Lives. There a Woman loofes all the Ideas of Vertne, and is apt to receive and entertain a Thoufand un- Vv^orthv 6V^;r^-P^^i9«j,under the Veil of this publick one. There are frequent Appointmer. 1 3 made on the Account of Vohiptmufnefs, as well as oi Intereft. Thofe unlawful Aifem- biies are as favourable to the D^?no72 of i?;/- purity, as to that of Blafphe?ny, Fwy and E 4 Be- 56 THE CHARACTER OF T>ebauchery are found there ^ and in the Midft of fuch an horrid Society will. Some Women glory to have a Place, and ftie gives her felf a Reputation in the World, in declaring fhe is one of that Society. She even feems to glory in thofe Misfortunes^ which are the Pzmijljinents of her Diforders. For fhe braggs loudly cf her LofTes, and endea- T'oi rs to comfort her felf in them, by con- ^ erting them into Merits , never confi- dering that this Superfuity which fhe beftows on chance, is what Providence has depofited to her Care , for the Ufe of her Family, or the Poor at leaft. But how can the Con- cerns for Religion^ and for her Neigh i our move her, and cure her Weahiefs , when more fenfible Reafons, tho' lefs powerful, make no hnpreffions on her Heart ? and not limiting her felf to xki^Expences of what is fu- perfluous,the alfo laviihes that which is pure- ly neceifary :, and the Sight oi^Difiontented Hujband^ of miferable Children, of a ruined Family^ and of all the Evils to which Ihe expoies her felf, are not fufficient to reclaim her. Want will fooner exclude her from Gaming^ than Reafon can banifli that Pa/Jion from her Heart ^ and Ihe mufl: become the fcorn ^ndCo7itempt of alltheWorld,beforeihe can leave oif. What Blindnefs^ what Dark- 7iefs, do fuch Paffions infufe into a Soul} She is ignorant of the very Evils that fhe fuf- fers 5 and when Ihe finds that flie canno^ ' ■■ *' cure A GAMING WOMAN. 57 cure her Pajion, nor fatisfy it, then it is that fhe begins to examine her Cojichtwn^ and not before •, and the hnpcffihHity flie is in to continue her ill Courie, makes her fenfibJe of it 5 flle beholds a great Number of EvHs^ that have been caus'd by one (ingle ?aJ]ion^ fhe looks on the Consequences of the unruly Motions of her Heart ^ but this Knowledge does but half enlighten her. She but hates the EjfeBs of that Caufe, ftie ftill Loves^ and her greateft Sorrow is, not for being un- fortunate, but becaufe fhe has no longer the Means to make.her felf fo, and to be reduc'd to acknowledge an Evil, which fhe ftill purfues. Other Vices have fomething to plead in their own Behalf 5 but the Itch of Gaming is the moft unaccountable, as having no £r- cjife^ no Incentive^ but Vice alone ^ for al> ftrading from the PaJJions it provokes us to, it fubfifts by a Covetous Dejire of what is anothers, or a lavifh Squandering away our own. Nature has made Man a fenfible Crea- ture. Beauty moves him, the Asfion fuch as the World could not continue long without. Time takes away the violent Edge of it, when vigorous Youth linds it felf tempted to frequent Sallies. Wine was the immediate BleJJing of Heaven^ to c hear our languilhing Spirits J the Confolation of the jiffiiBeJ, the Joy of tht Happy^ the Benefit of the Rich^ and 58 THE CHARACTER OF and the Cordial of the Poor -^ and if it's Charmes do now and then trip up the Heels of our D?/cretion, a Day of two's Modera- tion fets all in order again. But nothing can recal the Precious Pence^ that unlucky run of the Dice has now determined to be no longer your own : And 'tis obfervable that t\{\s Plague oi Gaming gYOw^ more obftinate by Age, and will not admit of any Cure, while a Foot of Land, or a Penny is left. This Curfed Fire cannot be extinguifli'd, but by want of Fewel. How many Rafcals keep their Coaches at the Ex^ence of young 'Bohlemen^ and in the Revolution of a few Years, have fhaken great Eftates out of the rich Heirs-Pockets into their own ^ and a fat Man vie Equipage with the Duke he bullied. If we fee forne fewPerfons reclaimed from the Exercife of Gaming^ we fee none.decline the Love of it. They ceafe playing, but ceafe not to love it 5 and that reinnant of Injuftice that is in them , ferves but to renew that Fury at the firft Occafion that will offer it felf, and to fnatch from them that little which Providence fends. You fliall fee fome that torment themfelves, and give them- felves a World of Trouble^ and all the Fruits of their L^^^x/r are laid on a fingle Card. They'll toy! a whole Month to play one Hour only, and their Labour is as full of Evil as is their Pkafiire^ doing the one A GAMING WOMAN. $9 one but in Love to the other ^ and this ftrange Pre-PoffeJ/ion renders them, equally paflionate in all the other JBions of their Lives. If a Chrijiian Woman did but know to what Extremity fuch a Vaffion leads , and the Difficulty of getting off after once engag'd iri it, ifhe would never allow her felf the Ufe of fo dangerous an Exerdfe^ and look on all other Diver/ions as guilty, while ihe would hold this for Harmelefs. It is the moftfeducingof allP/?^(9;zj', becaufe its be- ginning is approved by all, and is blamed but in its Excefs ^to whichiiontDeftgns to at- tain. Its Power which begins under the Pretence of a Diver/ton^ does fo infenfibly increafe, that that Pleafnre diOts frequently turn to a 'NeceJJityy and from an Hour em- ployed at it, one comes to fpend a whole Life ^ and this is done without thinking on it,much lefs after ^tis once done 5 for time runs away fo eafily at it, that for want of ob- ferving it/heLofs is withoutRedemption ^^the Term of our Lives finiihes,and the long Series of our.Days paffes away without the Ufe of one Grain of Fertue, /)r Emplhyment 5 and of fo many Moments that we had at our Difpo- fal, there remains but one to regret all the others in. In this laft we have fo much Sight as ferves to punifh us, it's fmall fpace containes the /^/(f/? of all the others, and the Sight of that infinite Number of the pafs'd* 6o THE CHARACTER OF pafs'd wafted Moments, makes us fenfible of the Eternity of the Time to come, when we Ihall anfwer for every ill fpent Moment of our Lives. If all the Moments of our Lives are numbred, how ought we to manage them to render us perfeft 5 and if our whole Life ought to be employed in one continued Vrayer^ let us fo order our Affairs^ that thofe Moments^ which we ceafe from giving to GOD, be not fpent in Idlenefs -^ but let us employ them carefully in the waysofT^r- tue^ and never let any part of our Time bq ufelefs to our Salvation, The A DILIGENT WOMAN. 6i The Diligent Woman. OF all natural Inclintrtiom , Idlenefs is the worft and moft dangerous. It is hard for a Perfon born with that un- happy Difpojiuon^ to have any great Share of Reafofi^ or of Venue 5 which makes E7nploy?}ient to be fo neceilary a thing for all Perfons : There fhould not be one Moment loft in the whole Life of a Avife and worthy Perfon. Therefore a Woman of Senfe ought not only to perform her Duties, but to employ her whole Time alfo ^ and that each » Moment of it may be found weighty, fhe ought to begin her Labour with her Life5and her Life muft be one con- tinual ^S/^;? to the Glory of GOD. And if the Difference of Times which compofes her Life alter her Employ?nents^ let it be in rendring them ftill more and more Vertuous, more 'Sable ^ and of a more large Extent ^ (he never ought to be feen free from Care. Pro- vidence has impos'd on her, as well as on Men^ a perpetual Labour in the Work of their Salvation, To perform well that Tafk, a Woman muft have a zealous Vigilance 5 which may wean her from the htii'Dulnefs of Self-Love. "Whoever is convinced, muft be animated alfo, and who wants not Faith^ \v2ims xiotCourage likewife^ the Bottom of the H^art 6z THE CHARACTER OF Heart being once corrupted, that Heap of Corruptions becomes the Caufe of that foft and eafy Life which the Wo7nen of this Age: lead. If Religion was believ'd, it would be pradis'd alfo, but it is profefs'd and not known, or but by halves , and without being praclis'd^ and all thefe Diforders render theSouljinfeniible of what relates to E/r^nwry,- It muft not furprife us, to fee, that a Woman who has no more Religion than another,; fhall yet abound in Self-Love , and feek more after Rleafiires^ then after any good Employment. . Slothfuhiefs is the High-road to Crimes ^zni. to all manner of Voluptuoufnefs ^ and tho' it is more difficult to pleafe Men than GOD^ Yet it is more eafy for Women to endeavour topleafe ifoz^than to doany thing elfe. That Dejire keeps them perpetually out of A3io7i^ and to redify that unhappy Td'?;^/?/;^' toward^ Worldly things, the Heart muft be touch'd with a Divine Infpiration^ and Grace mufB ^d an extraordinary EffeSl in their Behalf; But that Grace will not opera:te without the Affiflance^ they muft give way to that Di- vine Vertue^ they muft begin their own Con- verjion^ if not in abandoning immediately, at leaft in forfaking Idlenefs, the firft Caufer of all thofe PaJJwns that make us guilty^ Wherefore no JDiz;^?^//^;? no Reft x^ let Vrayer begin and conciitds the Day, they muft not only A DILIGENT WOMAN. 65 only Labour^ but they mufl: Labour for GOD alfo. Thofe that are animtaed with a good IntenU07i^ can never be tir d, and the way to ad with Efficacy and Confiancy^ is to con- fider that Time is the way that leads to E- ternity^ that the Lofs of it is irrecoverable, and that the way is to Diftance our felves fronl the Vertiie, This fame Time, feems flow paced and tedious when we fuffer in the Intervals of it ^ but flies away fwifter than thought, when Pleafure att-ends each Moment. But to thofe that idly let it pafs, it becomes that vaft Emptinefs, which con- tains their Diforciers, and that draws their Condemnation upon them. Short and un- known Term! precious, yet fatal Moment! Time on which depends Eternity , fhalt thou always be forgotten ? Always negleded,"and . always fpent in vain, and never vertuouily aj)piied ? Shall hiterefl and Fleafure be the Caufe of all our Actions ^\it in order to grow wealthy, or to pleafe our felves in fome other Manner, fhall Avarice 2ini J^ohtptuoiff- ' nefs alw' ays reign as Sovereigns in the Bot- tom* of our Hearts, our Lives be fpent in ferving our felves, or in loofing our Wealthy ' and can \vt not by a generous Force feparate our JF///? Satisfy the Befires oi Nature^ without p leafing our own Dejires : And fo re- gulate each Moment,as to exempt it from the Crhr:e of IcUenejs} There is no Condition that has not need of its whole Time, to till 64 THE CHARACTER OF fill up the Duties thereof: And thofe Mo merits that a Wo7nan fpends in Gaming^ are fo many ftolen from thofe appointed Duties ^ was there but that Fault only to render her guilty, it would do it infinitely , if not through the Evil fhe has commited , yet through the Good fhe has omited. For the Negleft of Duty is not much lefs than the Commitment of Evil^ the Truth is not well known. We are apt to flatter our felves that Idlenefs may be Innocent, or at worft not very Criminal We applaud our felves fot bemg Vertiious^ becaufe we are not guilty 3 and in the Courfe of a Lake-warm Life, con- demned by Chrifly we promife to our felves the Rewards 01 Eternity^ which is referv'd, for thofe violent Perfons mentioned in the Scriptures , who wean themfelves from the World, to apply themfelves entirely to GOD's Glory. Yea, Zeal of ASion^ vertu- ous Earnefinefsy Defigri of Providence, Em^ flojments unknown to Libertines, '^nA negle- ded by the Wife ! We have pafs'd the Time of knowing you, when we can no longer put you in Practice, neither can you be put into Praftice, when we have no Time left to know you in. You are not negleded without Danger, feeing that no Crime cdon be conftantly avoided, and Vertue preferv'd^ but by your JJJiftance. You are fo neceffary to a Chriftian Life, that thofe who would Reli^ A DILIGENT WOMAN. 6$ ReUgioiiJly devote themfelves to G D, and renounce all the Maxhnes of the World, ought not to f pare you one Moment. Their Life ought to be continually employ 'd, and their Time fiU'd up, that their Eternity may be happy. The 66 THE CHARACTER OF The Litigious Woman. IF the Soul's Tranquility, and the Hearts Quietnefs , be a compleat Happinefs 3 perpetual Troubles and Vexations are to be accounted very great Evils ^ and this is the Lot of thofe that are in Law^ efpecially amongft Women^ who being more fenfibly concerned at any imaginary Injuries than Men^ are more frequently affrightned^ affli- 8ed^ and fretted. When their wronged Intereji leads them to maintain their Rights and that Law agreeing with their Humour^ makes them wholly apply themfelves to their own Concerns^ giving themfelves up a Trey to the Cares of their Wealth ^ then do they employ their whole Time^ all their Cares ^ their whole Mmd^ and fometimesall their chiefeft Good^ to gain fuch as they enjoy but in bare Speculation. When once an Heart is pleafed to be concerned in a difputed Intereji, and that the Difficulty of it does but the more whet the Befires^ that Ciiftom begins to ftrengthen the natural In- clination^ and that Opportunity offers a For-- tune^ or a fweet Revenge for an Injury re- ceived, who can forbear going to Law ^ The Heart is delighted in the very Antici- pation^ it reckons on its own Deftres^ the Defira A DILIGENT WOMAN. 6^ Pefire aflures the Pojjejjion , and on this Ground it ads^ and all the Defigns that our Imaghiation can furnifh us with, are em- ployed to bring about our ProjeB : All is employed about a Chymerical Nothing, On the Contrary, when once a Woma?i has had fome Smackermg of the L^zr, or the Account of Malice^ Injujike^ or Interejl^ and that fhe begins to know the ways and Methods of QuareUmg^ according to the ancient and lau- dable Cultom oiWejiminJler-Halli^ PriJe then is added to the former D^<5j'5and frequently Ihe is fo prepoiTeffed with her own Skill that way^ that ihe is for continuing fuch Law-fuits, in which fhe has not the leaft Concern, and will plead lefs to gain the Caufe, than to fet forth her Abilities that way^ and to pleafe her own vain Humour^ A Woman of this Complexion^ is an infuiFer- able Creature^ efpecially when fhe has beeri inftrufted by the whole Management of Bufi- nefs, according to the Rules of Art, in an Hundred different Law-tricks, by which fhe her felf has formerly been deceived : The natural Effed of vexatious Law*-fuite5, is to ctack the Brains, if not through folly, yet through Obftinacy, and that is one of tht Wo7?ie?is chlcfeO: Tale?its. ThtVexa- timfnefs of ^ufxntk becomes their Dix;v^ ich it procures us ^ and for want of know- ing the Value , that its Tranquility affords vs^ wecaiinot find the Height of its Ferfe- B'lon. rQ feek after it effeftually, and to iind it with Eafe, we fhould be inform'd of its Qiialittes^ its EffeBs^ of the Store of its CoweUnefsy of that Stock of Blefling which it affords, of that fweet and quiet liap- pinefs which is found only in it. What Weaknefs is it in the Troubles of a Tminltii- 0H3 Life, full of fuch Cares as the Mind greedily catches at, to imagine to find a comfortable Peace, which is an abfolute Gift of G D, a Senfe of the Divinity^ a State or Temper, in which the Power of outward things do no longer ad within us, and which being enlightned, feparated, and dis-jointed from Worldly things, is raised above the Fears and Defires which fuch things ufually produce. It is in thefe things that Feace confifts, in a reafonable Vertue^ or in a vertitous Reafon^ which comprehends a juft Will^ and a found Judgment^ an Heart feriou'fly fixed on its Duties^ a Mind throughly A ^VIET WOMAN. 73 throughly convinc'd oiTmth^ that perceives it, follows and loves it where ever it is. A right Regulation of ones Mind and Heart, is not above us, as we imagine ^ we are not allowed to raife Qur Knowledge to certain Heights ^ but it is poffible for us to redrefs them fo far as they are to reach, and as the Excellency of our Underftanding depends on frovidence^ which indifferently diftributes Cojmnon Senfe 5 Right eoitfnefs and Trut.h de- pend on the Violence which is made to t\io{t ?aJ}io7is^ which oppofe themfelves to their Eff'eBs. Every Body may be perfedly rational if they will, their Reafon depends on their Will^ and on their Reafon depends that ?eace which it feeks after. In the Bot- tom of an Heart wafted with a Thousand Inciimhrances 5 in the midft of a Mind that is crofs'd, and led aftray, and feduced by an Hundred Errors^ there is no Peace to be found. Neither will it be found in tht En- gagements of a Soid^ carried head-long by its own Inclinations^ which freely yields to the Charms of a conceal'd Paffion. It's Divine Oitiet is quite^ppoiite to thofe Human Ccru fiifwns which (Jifturb us : And if we v/ould enjoy a true Peace ^ we muft rightly feek af- ter it, in Truth it felf, A true Peace confiftir in the Quiet of the Soid^ which nothing can difturb. We muft be dif-ingag d frooi thofe troublefome Thoughts which polielles our whole Lives, of that Int er ejl w\\id\ aIIo'>^^3 us 74 THE CHARACTER OF us to attempt any thing of that Self-Love that prepofleffes us, and renders us too fen- fible of all things 5 and this way which leads us to this Peace^ is a certain By-way un- known to the Will. The Troubles and Cares of Wealth and Riches have Charms, which deface the Quiet of Indigency^ and we elf-Love : And this is fo cer- tain, that amongft fuch Women of an ordi- nary C^/^^^ri^w, who for the Benefit of their Tamtlies are concerned in fomeway of Trade, there is obferv'd fuch a ftore of Self-Love^ as voverns all their Jclions.^' It is very rare to find a Wcman who takes Bufinefs upon her with a Spirit of Meeknifs and of Carefithiefsy and who has no other aim in it than her Duty, and the- Fear of God. Never did the Praife and Keprefentation of the' Vertiwus Woman mention d in the Scripture^ appear a Meer-Idea^ (of which the Reality can never be found) more than in this Age, and the Caufe of it is, that Self-Love which deprives Women ofallthofe excellent ^/^//Y/Vj-, which the Scripture expreffes as moft neceflary to render a Woman perfeft. So long as a Woman yields to thofe fecret hnpnlfes^ that eftrange from a fevere Juftice^ fhe is incapable of Per- feclion ^ I fay, the Severity of Juftice^ be- , caufe Mature has a Tendency^ that is imper- fect ^ which oppofes it felf to Right, and which makes-^that even indifferent things become difficult to her. It is but with great Information , and many Struglings ,that a Wo7nan can overcome fuch a natural Propen- fity^ v/hich leads her out of the way of Per^ feSton, PASSION OF WOMEN. 87 fiBion. How can the moft part of Wo?}w?i be able to ufe that generous way oF tearing themfelves from their Self-Love^ to give themfelves up to Wtfdofn ? If therefore this infinuating Qiialky^ can find Ways and Means to fupplant our Reafon^ what can we expect from thofe Ladies whofe Lives have been but one continued Thread of Gaiety^ Idlenefs^ Ignorance^ Vanity and Voluptnoiifiiefs: How can this CitrfedPaJJionhQ extirpated after fo long an ^'w/^ir^^^rivetted (q firmly by the continued hididgences oi Flat- terers in ^Acquaintance , Flatterers in Con- verfation^FhtttYCVS in the moft private Reti-^ reme?its withthtir own Dome flicks : InaWord, they fuck'd it in with their Milk^ and all their hfancy was nourifhed up in a Thou- fand Opportunities of creating Self-Love^ if 'Nature peradventure had not iuperceded that Misfortune in our Education, There is a vaft T>ijlance betwixt idle Cojiverfations^ perpe- tual Gaming , flothful Infipid alTemblies , and Vertitous E?npIoyme?its that are continual, Self-Love^ manages too well its own hitereft^ with thofe Women that are given up to Ga^- 7ning^ to pleafe them within fight of that AbyJJey which is betwixt their Conduci^ ai:d the Maximes of a Cbrijlian Life ^ throuph which they can not pafs. And I wonder rot that Self-Love which governs all Wowen^ leaves not one Moment at the Gamjlrefs^ her G 4 difpo-. 28 THE PREDOMINANT difpofal but to play in, or defire to do fo : If they had but Ibme free Moments from th'^tFre-polJeJJiGn^ they could not behold the Idlenefs of their paft Life , without pro- pofing to themfelves a more ufeful After- time: And that is one of the {ccvttPolitkks of Self-Love^ fo to guild over the Objed that aniules them,that they ever be employ ^d in it : Tho' really G/^wm^ can never be cairdan\Ew- plojf^ being only a kind, of moving Idlenefs^ or a Diver/ion from better things 5 which Ihould never be us'd, but to afford Natm^ fame Mofnents of reft, to gratify its Weaknefs. But Self-Love^ that feducirig" Paffion^ never propofes fuch ways to Women ^ but^ to fur- feit them, and make them give up 'their whole Time and Heart to that FooUjlmefsy which fo well agrees with that fajjion^ that caufes it to be fo entirely belov'd 5 for Self-Love fupports that Idleiiefs of the Mind 2indi Body ^ which feeds and nourilhes itfelf^ it fills the 56?«/, but does notnourilh it 5 it is wholy devoted to that Vre-foJfeJJi- on that lulls it afleep, and renders it infen- fible, and incapable of embracing thofe Re- feciions ^ 2iXA Ideas with the Infptrattons^ and all the Impiilfes which Grace and Reafon promotes, in order to enlighten them. But this Self-Love has fo well eftablifh'd itfelfinthe Hc^rt of Women through that Maxi?ne-^ that thereby it is not only become >th€ PASSION OF WOMEN. 89 the Caufe of this foft and motionlefs way of Living, but it is the Caufe alfo of a Thou- fand Pains and Labours^ that are annexea to another CharaBer. It is the fame Self-- Love^ that is the Principle of thofe painnil and laborious things in which Law-:fuit engages Women. Under thofe melancholy wakeful Nights and bright Days without Reft and CLuet, is concealed the moft invin- cible, and\moft nice Self-Love imaginable : It is in thePraftice of thofe mean and toil- fome Solicitatwns^ that they find the moft rooted good Optnion of themfeh es. Women never love themfelves better than when it is at the Charges of all the Troubles that they moft abhor,to enjoy the Tleafitre which they defire 5 yet it would be an hard Talk to make them acknowledge a Truth which they both fed and love, and which they will no:, own, but becaule they would not part with?their Pleafure. The Pains and Dif- orders which thofe Law-Cavils a ad Cujlorji breed , are produced by Self- Love^ and no Woman can deny (if ihe is fincere) but that it is that Self-Love v/hich animates her, when fhe takes upon her thofe repeated Cares, which pleafe her in the midft of a Thoufand different Vexations that incompafs her Mind. Self Love h^LS in it fomething that is fo ggreable to 7Fbw^7z, that when once Mature has ^o THE PREDOMINANT has.delivj^r'd UiemjUptoits Power, they are not contented to pafs their whole Lives ii^ the Cuftom whicjh that iaffion makes them to contrad, but they alfo nouriih, foment, a^id^ lincreafe . this ; P^^^^^ in themfeh^es, ana miot flopping there as they entertain it themfelves^ -they commu-mcate it to Others^ for it is a Poifoji^ with which one becomes infected by Meer- Convert Jaticrt^ fo dangerous and imperceptible, that It cannot be cur'd, except it be known, be- fore one is tainted with it 5 or fuch Care be laken to deftroy it w ith as much Diligence as there is. taken to preferve it. Iwifh Women would frequently frame to themfelves an U^^ of this beloved P^/^w, and that they would but dive into the Nature^ and EfeBs- pf it, thereby to avoid its Power and CbarmSy and not become Slaves to an effemi- nate Pajion, which derives from the moft Illujlrious PaJJion in Man, For no Body can dorubt but that Love is the Nobleft of all the,. P off ions ^ and it is certain, that th^rougii our^ firft Father s Sin, that fublime, and na- tural Love of Man is degenerated into a guilty and fenfual'iy?^'^, and that the Spring of Blifs is become the Principle of a Thou- fand Evils ^ becaufe that Natitre which was tempered with Grace, and whofe Liclinations were laudable and holy, predominating Cha- rjtty, deltroying Self-Love, and not allowing ^olove our felves but in QOT> alone, has chan8;'d PASSION OF WOMEN. 91 chang'd its Kature. Man has no longer lookdonObJ€ds with the fame Eyes he did before, the profitable and pleafing things have attr^ded his Delires ^ he has loft the Rellifti of Innocence^ Self-Love is become hia Aim, his Motive and his Principle 3 he has no longer had a regard to pleafe GOD in all things but himfelf 5 he has ever fince valued himlelf, that fatal Metamoiphofes^ and after he had degenerated from that blelled way, wherein he liv d plentifully in the Earthly Paradke^ he has yielded himfelf up to an in- ordinate Love of himfelf, even in themidft of IncUgejice^ and the wants of a corrupt Na- ture 5 fo that from the happy Eftate in which GOD had placed him, he has plunged him- felf into that Jbyfs of Miferies and Sorrows^ in which he remain'd until the Coming of Chrijl. Not that this MiJJion ofChrift, which has expung'd the Guilt of the OU Adam^ was to re-eftablilh ]i^Ian inxh^x.^ P erf eBw?i^ in which he was at firft 5 but to confer on him the Redeemers Grace^ to enable him to enter into it by Violence 5 and the Excellency of the Redemption is an Advantage to Human 'Nature^ becaufe that in the Eirf: Man there was nothing difficult in the Verfeclion of his Vertue ^ but in the l^ew Man he earneftly concurs, by his Will united to Grace^ to the Perfection of his Merits :> and he is fo much above his firft State by EM.\ that he cannot but ^z THE PREDOMINANT but acknowledge how much Nature has been advanced fince Chrift Jefus has purified it, by his Combig^ his Word^ and his Grace. By the Niw Law^ Man finds himfelf to be a Difciple ois. Crucified GODy who came to teach Men to become Offerhigs^ and to make them comprehend, that to the Confufion of tht Devily he did enable him to triumph over a perverfe NatT^re^s^ud to be a Sufferer in Heart and Mind, that he might become a Ci- tizen oi Glory and of Blejfeclnefs. But what was this World that was to be deftroy'd, thofe Enemies that were to be overcome', but that Store of Self-Love^ which had the Mafiery over the thifl Mafi. That Love of ones felf, and of his own In^ tereji^ that had plung'd him into a perpe- tual Labour^ and an infallible Death, to which we have all been fubjefted? It was the firfl: Motive of his Lofs, and is frequentl the Caufe of ours 5 that is, the Monfter which is to be vanquifti'd by Grace ^ which is given us, and about the DeJinSion of which we ought continually to be employ'd. It is againfl: this fo natural, yet fo forbidden Self.Love^ that we muft have a perpetual Warfare, fince our Reward is annexed to the ViBory over that Vajjion^ and that who fo ever does not hate himfelf, muft not pre- tend to thofe Recompences referv'd only for thpfe that love none but G D. But if it is- PASSION OF WOMEN. 93 is fo difficult for the wifeft and beft of jk&w, abfolutely to deftroy that Enemy 3 and that fo Jong as we live, we retain that Hereditary Mark of the firft InfraBion of the Law of GO D :^ How much more difficult muft it be to a weak, frail, inconftant Sex^ and to fpeak more home yet, fuch a one as is fo clofely link'd to that enjoy 'd EffeEi^ to pre- ferve it felf from that lUitJion of Nature and of the D^i'/7,and to overcome a Tendency ^which forces it not to any thing, but leaves it in a foft hUenefsj in which thofe that love them- felves continually remain ? What Likely- hood for Women , who rarely examine themftlves in order to be inftrufted, and that of every kind of Knowledge entertain but a bare Defire in the Heart, but not in tht'ix Memory^ to withdraw themfelves from thofe favourable RefleSions^ from that per- petual Return^ which is nothing elfe but a QrcitlaUon which their Imagination and Will make upon themfelves, which always ter- minates in a Self-Applaufe^?,'^ fecret asunjuft? What Means is there, I fay, for thofe tender Perfons^ accuftomed to a Self-Love, to di- vorce themfelves from that Corruption, which their Nature and Education have communi- cated to them ? How v^ould vou have a Woman to be capable of Refohttion , and worthy to be intruded, w^hofe W^eaknefs permits her not to keep a fecret even with thofe She-Loves, nor to maintain the Interefl of 94 THE PREDOMINANT of- Truth , againft tfaofe fhe fears > It is the EfeS of Self-Love in Women which gives them that great Inclination to divulge what th&jx kriow of evil conceard in others , neveir being capable to keep in Silence that which is particularly confided to them* Wherefore, as a natural Punijhment of Tem- per y thofe that are fo bold in the Concerns of others, are very fearful on thofe of Truths and you Ihall but rarely fee them take with Zeal the part of fuch Perfons as are op- prefs'd, tho*th€y be never fo ready at the Difcovery of the DefeSs of thofe Perfons they are acquainted with ^ and this cruel CondtiEl is the common EffeEl of Self-Love^ when once we love our felves, we cannot re- folve to fav fuch things of others , as Vv'-ould caufe than to be beiov'd, nor to conceal the Efteein'JUfw have for us, by the Conceale- ment oftliefecretby them intrufted to us. AWoman fancies fbe may acquire great Efteem from her own Indifcretion^ and a great Advantage from her Complaifance 5 and that falfe Opimoji^ continues her in the VraElicB of thofe evil Maximes, and always keeps her clofe to that Stock of Self-Love^ which makes her aft in that manners i In this Cafe the EffeSs fupport theCaufe, Self-Love produces thofe evil Fajides^ that are the Caufes of a Thoufand unjuft and un- -reafonabk PASSION OF WOMEN. 95 reafonable JBions-^ and thefe ifregnlar -Jcli- ons in their turn, maintain the &zi/ irt thofe evil FraBkes^ which afterwards return to their Spring, to take and give fuch new fatal Powers as.coiiduce only to Cormption 'mi Diforder. This is the Effe^- of Self-Lote^ which may be term'd an JEbi/, that contdns all others 5 fince there hnoDiforcler in tht World, whifch does not acknowledge that fajjionxo be its Principle : And lam of Opu nion t\i2it Chrijitamty^ Poiitie^ and Morah-^ cannot make ^n H^neji Man^of^t Man that too much loves himfelf 3 yu/Hce'-hc'mg necefey in all Cojidkions ^Mt cannot fubfift' with ,^^^ Love^ whith always takes' the- ^art ojf Vo- iitptitoitfiie-fs and Pieafures, never confidering that Sitbmiffion which the Body owes to the Mind, and how we are oblig d to do Vio- lence to ourfelves,that fo Wfettiay become juft. Self-Love ^^VQ'i?, a Licence to ovlv InclinatUn^ and leaves our Defires free in tfieir Diforder^^ not bufying it felf, but to flatter our Mind^ to render pleafing to^us, the Cuftom of hear- kening to its Ji/ifreme?its , and fo to order things that we may not be poffefs'd butwith a good Opinion of our felv^^, and to make us fingular even in publick Concerns, by prefering our felves before all things elfe, and not obferving the Law, but withal the Refervednefs that it propofes to us, baniih- ing all thofe fevere and laborious Duties^ where- S6 THE PRE DO MI N A NT wherewith we cannot difpenfe nor exempt our lelves from without being guilty. Self-Love is , oppofite to the Law^ and to Wartlmiefs^ it affords us no Deftres but for Greatnejsy for Beauty^ or for Rkhes -^ fetting Ambition^ Volitptiwufnefs ^ and Avarice^ no- thing pieafes it : And it is by thofe unhappy Paffions that we preferve Self-Love, as it is by the fame Self-Love ^xh^it we preferve thofe three Paffions in our Hearts ^ It is becaufe we love our felves, that we would be rais'd above others : It is that fame Love, which makes us to deflre thofe Objeds, which we fancy may incr^afe our Delights-^ it is on the fame Account alfo that we accumulate Wealthy that the more wq have of our own, the left we may depend on others, and ha\'e mote to depend on us. The unhappy G//?^w eftablifli'd bylnterejlj infufes fuch Thoughts in the Covetous, and in effeft they daily fee Peopleof thebeft Rank^ renounce the law- ful Rights, which they have received from their Jficejlors, and yield their Rank, fub- mit their Reafon^ and what is more, facrilice Truth, to acquire fome fmall Means, or meerely to gain the Efteern of thofe that are Wealthy, and this with a Defign to con* firm or increafe their Reputation 5 believing that Reputation depends on the Recommenda- tion of thofe whom Riches has brought into Credit'. So that Self-Love has the Art of rendring PASSION OF WOMEN. 97 rendring Covetous ^not only thofe who pofTefs JFealth, but even thofe alfo that have none. It is not lefs through a Principle oiCovetoitf- nefs^ that we do an ill thing to gain Wealthy as that we hoard it up when got. It is the feme to follow a Rich Man that a\'o>ds us, as to fly from a Poor Man that purfues us. A Mart is as covetous iii hunting after Wealthy as in hoarding it up 5 and Self-Love is not lefs bufy in the one, than in the other ^ for we love our felves in relation to our Fortune^ when we hate our fehes in relation to Honour 5 and Women are very apt to em- brace that kind oi Covetoufnefs which is brought forth by Self-Love : They confider Perfons but in reference to their Fortune^ and the abundance of Wealth ^\% the Standard of their Efteem : They alfo meafure a Man s Merits by the Largenefs of his Purfe 5 for when they go about to praife any Perfon, his Wealth has a great Ihare in it, and they rarely beftow the like Pr^ifes on a Perfon indowed with all the Vertites^ when Fortune is averfe to him, and this is, becaufe Self- Love will not permit a Woman to praife a- nother s Merits^ who has nothing but his good Qualities to be admired by, and no Means to feed their Hope with ^ fo true it is, that we love intirely our felves^ and that we cannot applaud nor ingage a Perfon, from Vv^hom we promife not to our feh'es fome particular Advantage in fome manner H or 98 THE PREDOMINANT or other, and on whom we fix not our Hopes offome Advantage X, which is the Caufe of the Good we do others, by the juftifying their ConduB^ or procJaming their Vertites. It is the Spring of all Evils ^ of all Vices ^ and of all Errors , that Self- Love fo ex- tended, and fo fecret ^ why is it not pur- fued with the fame Zeal, to deftroy it, that the Apo files and Martyrs of former times were animated wath, to facritice it to the fevere Yoke ofPenitefice^ or to *Mar- tyrdo7n ? how beautiful would it appear in thefe Days, I mean not thofe bloody Of- ferings that maintain the Truth of Religion 5 but thofe Godly Retirements^ where 'fears were abundantly flied, for the Converfwn of Sinners ? Thofe Aiiemblies of llJuJlrioii'S Virgins , which were fo efteemed more through their Vertues than their Births^ that pafs'd their Lives in the fevere Exercije of a Mortijkation ^ as continual as voluntary? thofe Virgins who were fo many Examples for thofe of our Age^ and which it is much 10 'be fear'd, will ♦be the only Example that will remain for future Ages 5 thofe Vir- gins^ 1 fay, in whom the more Self-Love did murmur, agitate it felf, ad, and refill, the more it. did enable them to oppofe its Fury ^ and whofe Befires^ animated by a couragious and infpired WiU^ had overcome all the Im- f'ulfes of a rebellious and corrupt ISatitre : But all the Wilhes that I couid expreis on this PASSION OF WOMEN. 99 this Occafio7i^ would be as ufelcfs as th^ Words which 1 write. Tho' all iLoie Writ- ings that blame Self-Love^ be never fo much feen and read, and thofe Impulfes that con- demn it felt, it is ftronger than all, and it would be impoflible to fubdueit,wiihoutthat aflifting Grace which incourages ys,and raife^ us up. Which Grace is never wanting to us, if we require it with a real Defire to obtain it 5 it is frequently the Carelejnefs of making ' the Reqvefl^ that renders the Frajer fruitlefs. We mufl make ufe of Zeal to obtain the Fi- Qory over a PaJJion^ which dulls our Will, and that cannot be vanquilh'd without Fer- vor, becaufe that of all the Pafficns^ it is that which is mofl friendly to Kelt, all the other Pajjions cannot ufe their Violence^ without agitating our Hearts, our Bodies, and our Minds 5 but Self-Love acts with all its Power in the moft perfeft Tranquility^ and caui'es neither Motion nor Agitation . in us. Jts evil Aciions can naturally abide in the moft quiet Condition and Situation^ in which any Creainre can be, it may have a Self-Love^ even to Excefs^ and tho* fometimes this Paf- fwn is found in the midft of Troubles^ it is alfo met with in Tranciuility \ that for which Reafon it is fo common to IVonien^ the foft and eafy Life they lead, thofe Fooleries that amufe them in a fenfelefs and continual Idle-- nefs^ is a Bait for Self-Love 5 and it is very natural to love ones felf extremely, wlien H 2 davs. ICO THE PREDOMINANT one leads fuch a Life as Women do now a days I wonder not, that in the Opinion of the WlJeflPtfrfons^ all the Vertues thztWomen feem to have,are fufpefted, and that it is dif- ficult to imagine that any perfed thing can be produced from that which is not fo of it felf^ for commonly thofe outward Jppea^ ranees of Modefty^ which might be the Ar- guments of Piety ^ are but thofe of Superjli- tion and Bigotry ^ their Firmnefs is but a pure Ohjlinacy^ and their Mirth is always mixt with a World of InJifcretion. But how comes it to pafs, that what would be counted laudable ^alities^ and even Vertiie in others, becomes /^ic«? and Dif- orders in them > It is becaufe Self -hove makes Choice of thofe Vertues which they profefs. They incline to Viety ^ becaufe they are naturally inclined to a cjinet and fcher Life , and frequently alfo, becaufe they love Slander better than they do Volup* tiioiifnefs^ for under that Veil they fan- cy that they may talk of others, while they take from others ali^Occafion to fpeak of them. They maintain their Opinions with- out Re a f on and Interniiffion ^ not becaufe they underftand, but becaufe they love them ^ and the Reafon that they jiever yield, i?, becaufe thofe falfe Ideas^ with which they pre-polfefs themfelves, ftand them in ftcad of true Reafon^ ^d they would have them to pafs fo with others. and PASSION OF WOMEN. loi and that their bad Reafoiu are preferred to thofe good ones that are given them ^ and that the iaft that fpeaks they repute to be in the Right. They are always fure to be on the beft fide in that refpect, but moreover when they allow themfelves any pleafant Converfation of Wit. It is never with the neceflary Moderation that Ihouid authorize it. They always adicl themfelves to things beyond Meafure ^ their Serioufnefs is forced, and their Joy extravagant 5 and that Point ofVertue which leaves the Soul in an equal Temper, is not found amongft them, becanfe Self-Love does always lead them to the moft blamable Extremities, and permits them not to perceive the Excefs which fpoils all things, but in other Perfons, and never irv themfelves. That Self-Love does fo^ blot out all the good Qualities in Women, that tho* they may be capable of Leamijig and Policy, it is always with fo much Pre-poffef^ fion, that their Vride and Sukility is iooner difcover'd, than their Application and Frit- dence. You never fee her in BufinelTes of the Mind and Uyiderftanding. A Woman ad like an underftanding Man, there is ftill fome Grains of Pride or of Weahiefs in them, that fpoils all they do or underftand, and it is not without Reafon, that Ciifto?H has barr'd them from the Knowledge of the Sciences. H. 3 Moft IC2 THE PP.EDOMINANT Mod frequently SttuJy fpoils a Woman more than it improves -her, and their own lyatTire^ culti\'ated by a right Reafon^ is al- ways more folid and more agreeable, than when their Brains have been tormented to learn, more with defign to feejn to know, than to know realy. Their quick Apprehen- fton may fometimes carry them fo tar as to conceive fome right Ideas of great things 3 but that fixed Temper of the Mind that is neceTary to fupport that firft Attempt, is not to be found in them : Their RefeBtons are fo hx from ftrengthening the Idea^ that it blots it out, and that pleafes them in the Agreeablenefs of any great Defign that they prcpofe to themfelves, yields to the Sat isf a- clion they take to deftroy that ReJbluUon which they had taken 5 and becaufe this Mutabiltty of Opinions is natural, by reafon* of that Self-Love that predominates in them, they neither are very Wife nor very Learned^ ;ind yet they might attain to either with more Eafe than Men^ if they would but ap- plv themfelves to deftroy that fajjion of Seif-Lcve, It is a Pre-poffefflon without Senfe^ and a 'Nicety without Reafon^ that deprives them of all thofe great Parts for which their na- tural Temper feems to be framed, if their Self Love was but put away, and that through a worthy Refohttion^ they force themfelves from the fovrer of that deceitful Charm PASSION OF WOMEN. 103 Charm that keeps them continually in play. ' An Unclerjlanding Woman would certainly go beyond any Man 5 her quick ApprehenjU on^ her penetration ^ her hicety^ the Heat of her Courage^ the Sukilty of htv h/eas^ which are mov'd by a more fudden Motioii than in Meji^ would render her capable of the higheft Enterprises^ and of the moft fudden Excecntion : And at the fame time that Flame that renders her temperate when flie pleafes, would make eafy thofe tedious Ways^ through which they are to pafs, to attain to Reptuatio7i^ to Fortune^ and to Vertite : Then nothing would be difficult to a Sex^ to which now nothing is fcarce pof- fible, becaufe Self-Love makes all Pains feem unfufferable to them, all Cares trou- blefome, all Employ?ne?its uneafy, and let- ting afide the Pleafitres which they defign, all things elfe appear ditl/. It is with Co?!- firaint that fome Mo?nents are allowed to the Performance of things which Ditty and IJeceJfity obliges them to do : Thofe Mo^ tnents are found fo tedious ^ xho never fo 'port J that the meaneft Motives that can but exempt them from performing thofe Duties^ appear very reafonable, that they prefently embrace them, and all becomes reafonable enough to engage us to abandon Reafon. Thefe are the Weaknefs^ the llyijujlicey 2ind Diforders^ that Self-Love brings us to ^ H 4 we 104 THE PREDOMINANT we cannot free our felves from it, but by fach a generous Contempt of our felves , as may frde us from thofe too great Concerns that we have for our own Interefts^ and that infpires us with a necelTary ExaBnefs^ a 5^- verity that checks the meaneft Defe8s: Thofe vertuoust iyuaUttes which are formed in a proround i/?/wi/i^, are the Principles of the other Vertms : JccompliJIjment is annexed to the PracT:ice thereof, it fandifies all the na- tural Motions of the Heart, and thofe brave jr^w^/j of former Ages, that have been £v- amples to Pofteritj^ were fill'd with Hatred of themfelves. No Perfon can be above, the CrofTes of Fortune^ and of the Jccule7it^' of this Life, but thofe that are above them- felves. No Perfon can be capable of enjoy- ing a right Reafon, and perfed: Health, but fuch as can overcome and hate themfelves. Wherefore no Woman ought to fancy her felf Rational, Wife, and Acco7npliflod, that enter- tains any Self-Love. Women in other re- fpefts, have To many PrivileJges above Men, that it Ihould animate ihem to overcome a Vaffion which renders them inferior to Men. It is nothing impoffible, that fuch an Accom^ f/lijhment requires of them ^ they may, with- out lelfening their Fortune, their Credit,^ their Beauty, their Quiet, render themfelves worthy of the Efleem of the moft Judicious 5^ they need but to entertain a little more of good Order, of Truths, and oijufiice in their Con^ PASSION OF WOMEN. 105 Conceptions^ in their Bifcourfes^ and in their CondvtB 5 then would Self-Love foon be turn'd out of their Souls, banifh'd from the World, and to the Honour of the fair Sex^ we fliould beobligd to acknowledge, that they had been greater Conquerors in the fub- duing of that VaJJion^ than all the Courage and Vahiii' of Men have perform'd in fo many Ages. THE END. A Comical VIEW O F T H E TranfaBions. that will happen in the Cities of London or Weflminfter. OR, THE MERRY aUACK; Wherein Phyfick is Reflified for both the Beans and Ladies. In Two Parts. The Firft Part Written by the late Ingenious Mr. Thomas Brown. The Second Part Written by Mr. Edward Ward^ Author of the London Spy, &c. LONDON, VvinUi (ov Sam, Brifcoe^ 170^. A Comical VIEW OF THE TRANSACTIONS That will happen in the Cities of London and Weftminfter. Continued Weekly. From October i6. to OStober zz. Gentlemen, WHereas the Town has been Bantered near two Months with a Sham Ac^ count of the Weather^ pretended to be taken from Barometers, Thermometers, Hygrof-- copes, Telefcopes, and fuch Heathenijh In- ftrnments 5 hy which means feveral of her Majejljs good SubjeEis have put on their Prize Coats^ expeBijig it Jhoula Rain^ when n has been Fair ^ and wore, their bejl Cloaths^ thinking I lo A Comical VIEW of thinking it would be Fair^ when it has Rain J ^ to the no little Detriment and prejudice of their aforefaid Cloaths and Perfons : And likewije^ whereas the Planets that have re^ gulated the Almanacks for about two thousand Tears ^ have been mof wickedly fanderd by a late Author^ as if they had no Influence at all upon the Weather^ the Publi^ljer of this Paper has been perfwaded by his Friends to Print thefe his Infallible PrediBions^ gather d from the Experience of thirty Tears and upwards 5 and will warrant them to be true^ thd he ne- ver Travelled Abroad^ nor pretends to be the Seventh Son of a Seventh Son^ nor calls him^ felf the Unborn DoBor^ nor has the Seed of the Female Fern, the Green and Red Dragon^ or any of the like Secrets. Wednefday 16.3/^Loudy foggy Weather at \__j Garraways and J-ofia^ thans^ and moft CofFee-houfes, at and about Twelve. Crowds of People gather at the Change by One, difperfe by Three. After- noon Noifie and Bloody at her Majefty's Bear-Garden in Hockley-in-the-hole, Night fober with broken Captains and others, that have neither Credit nor Money. If Rainy, few Night-walkers in Cbeapfide and Fleet- jlreet. This Week's Tranfaciions cenfur'd by the Virtucfoes at Childs frojn Morning till Night* Thurf London and Weftminften 1 1 1 Thurfday 17.") Coffee and Water-gruel to be had at the Rainbow and l andd^ at Four. Hot Furmety at tleet-bridge by Seven. Juftice to be had 2it Do8orS'Commons when People can get it. A Ledure at Pinners- Hall at Ten. Excellent Peale-porridge and Tripe in Baldwin'^ Gardens at Twelve. At Night much Fornication all over Covenu Garden^ and five Miles round it. A Con- liable and two Watch-men Killed, or near being KilFd in Wejlrninfier ^ whether by a Lord or a Lord's Foot-man, the Planets don t determine. Friday 1 8.] Plenty of Cuckold trudging from all parts of the City towards Horn Fair by Eight. Damfels Whipt for their good Nature at Bridewell about Ten. Several People put in fear of their Lives by their God-fathers at the Old Baily at Eleven. Great Deftrudion of Herrings at One. Much Swearing at Three among the Horfe- courfers in Smhhjield ^ if the Oaths were Regifter'd as well as the ttorfes, good Lord, what a Volume 'twould make ! Several Tails turn d up at P^w/'s School, Merchant-- Taylors y 5:c. for their Repetitions. Night very Drunk, as the two former. Saturday 19."! Twenty Butchers Wives, in headen-Hall and l^ewgate Markets overtaken with Sherry and Sugar by Eight in the Morning. Shopkeepers walk out at Nine to count the Trees in More-jilds^ and avoid Duns. 112 A Comkdl Vietp of Duns* Peoples Houfes cleaned in the After^ tioon, but tlieit Confciences we don t know when. Jews fornicate away the Sabbath in Drury-Lane and WHd-Street. Evening pret- ty Sober. Sunday lo.'] Great Jangling of Bells all over the City from Eight to Nine. Pfalms murder d' in moft Pariflies about Ten. A- bundance of Dodrines and Ufes in the Meetings, and no Application. Vaft Con- fumption of Roaft-Beef and Pudding at One. Afternoon fleepy in moft Churches. Store of Handkerchiefs ftolen in Pauls at Three* Informers bufy all Day long. Night not fo Sober as might be wimd. Monday 21 r\ Whores turn'd out of the Temple^ Grays-Inn^ &Cc. by Six. Catchpoles up early to feize their Prey againft the firft Day of Term. Journey-men Taylors,Shooe- makers, and 'Prentices Heads ake with what they had been doing the Day before. Tradef- men begin the Week with Cheating as foon as they open Shop. If Fair, the Park full of Women at Noon, fome Vertuous,and fome otherwife. Great Ihaking of the Elbow at TTi// s, &c. about Ten. Two Porters fall out at Putt in a Cellar in the Strand at Twelve precifely. Tiiejday 22.] Wind, whether E. W. N. or S. no matter^ but in one Corner or other* of the Compafs moft certain : If high, the Beaus advifed to be merciful to their long Periwigs* London and Weftminlter. i 1 5 Periwigs. Maflins and Pepper rife at the Eaft India Houfe at Twelve. Calicoes fell before Two. Coach'd Mafques calling' at the Chocolate-houfes between Eight and Nine. Baflards begot, and Cuckolds made this Week numberlefs, Advertifement to Ladies. T T jOnien^ whether with CJoilJ or no ? V V Children^ whether Male or Female > Toung Maidens^ whether they w'^U have their Sweet-hearts^ or no ? and Lovers^ whether Able and Conflant ? The Critical Minute of the Day to Marry in. What is the heft Hour fir Procreation. Hujhands , whether long Livd or no} The fecond Match^ whether Happy or Unhappy ? What part of the Town- hefl for a Sempfirefs to thrive in ? What the mofl fortunate Signs for a Shopkeeper^ and n;ider what Planet to be fet up ? With other like Queflions^ fully and fatvsfaBorily Refol- vedby me Silvefter Partridge, Student in Phy^ 'fick and Aerology , near the Gun in Moor- litlds. roni 114 A Comical VIEW of From Ociok 22. to O^oh. 29. Gentlemen, IJm glad that my lafi Week's Tredt&ions were fo happy as to pleafe yon^ and for that Reafon am encouraged to proceed. Did the Town require it of me^ I could much enlarge my Predi&ions^ and for et el what will happen in Foreigji Countries^ as well as what will fall oi{t in London : As for Injiance^ I coidd tell yoii^ that the Cz,ar ^/Mufcovy, is going to make Hemp dear in the North- That the King (?/^ Spain is like to raife the Trice of Iron in the South. That Bullets fiy as thick as Mail in Livonia ^ and Bribes in the Conclave. That his Polifli Majefly is as fick ^/Riga, as the Scots were of Darien 5 with other Mat- ters of the like Importance^ which I fjal/ omit at prefenty and come to Things that concern lis nearer. But before I proceed to them^ I have a TFord or two to fay for my felf-^ Some Perfons that are in the Barometer-/?;r^r Ditto. Made the Beaft with ten Horns 5 that is, a worfe Beaft by four Pair of Horns than any in CheapJJde. Ditto, Did he live in London^ the Grand Jury of Middlefex^ and our new Reformers wou d certainly Indift him for keeping a lewd difor- derly HoufeT Night clear and light in all the Proteftant Streets. Watches , Whores, Clocks, Widows, Phyficians and Lawyers tell Lies every every Day in the Week. From Nov. 13. to Nov. 20. Gentlemen, IDifappointed you laft Week^ but am apt. to flatter my felf that you 11 Excufe ity Tvhen you know the Reafon. I was fent for 2?ito the Country J to Cure a Gentlemaris Lady that was troubled with a Palfie in her To7igite to that Degree^thatfie.cordd not /peak one Worddt- JlinE{ly:^hutuponmy telling her Hufl?and^ that \hree cjitarters ofihe Married M^n in the King^ dom London and Weftminfter. 1 2 5 dom^ tpoiild give half they were worthy to have their Wives in the fame Conditiofi^ and that it was much better for his own and his Spoifes Repofe^ for her to continue as Jhe was^ the Gentleman was pleafed to take my Advice^ and fo I retimied to London. But before I dif- patch this Jljort introduBion^ -give me leave to fay a Word or Two in jiiflif cation of my Pa- per. It has been Induflrionfy given out by fome Gentlemen^ who have no faith in the Phmets^ that 1 1 ruffed up the ^QWga,tQ Prifo- ners a Fortnight before it happen d, I oxon that I was out as to the Day 5 but as to what J foretold concerning the Ceremonies of the Ex- ecution^ as fingrng the lafi concluding Pfahn^ picking of Pockets under the Gallows^ s Synagogue about Ten. A Receipt how toDme upon good whol- fome Air, to be had of Six ancient Perfons, who are to be found in Grays-hin-wdlVs every day at One. Tradefmen fummon d before the Court of Confcience for defrauding their Journy-men of their Wages. If fuch a Court were erefted to punifh thofe who de- fraud their poor Wives, the Lord have mer- cy on ail unperformine Sinners, between U8 A Comical VIEW of tVhite'chappel and Temple-bar^ Sunday ij.'] Surgeons knocked up by Twelve-penny Cuftomers at Seven, and hin- dred^Jis rhey fay,fromgoingtoChurch,butTen to One whether they woud have gone thither, tho'noBody hadvifitedthem. Dumplins,far exceeding thofe of Norfolk, at the Half-moon^ in Ckeapfide and the Rofe by Temple-bar at Eleven. Citizens whet away their Sto- machs, and judicioufly cenfure the Sermon in moft Taverns about Twelve? in the Strength of Roaft-beef, and the Suiiday- bottle of Claret, give their Wives a com- fortable Refrefliment on the Couch about Two : Beget Block-heads to continue the City-breed. A Magiftrate with a Golden- chain about his Neck, Snores inordinately in a Conventicle at Three. Tradefmens Wives Treat their Children at the Farthing- pye-houfes at Four. Not one Phyfician at Church, except the City-bard, within the Bills of Mortality. The Bankers in Lim- hard'flreet want David Jones to put 'em in mind of their Sins. Mnnday \'ir\ 'Prentices Summon d before the Chamberlian at Ten, to Anfwer for their undutiful Rebellion againft the Cook- maid. Lozeiiges, Butlers, Horfe-balls, Tu- tors to young Noblemen, Nephr it ick-ftones,' Brewers-clarks, Diapalma Plaifters, Ladies Women, Sago, fecond-hand Sermons, Goa- ftone?, and Receipts how to make a Puddings t4 London and Wcftminltcr. i 29 to be had at the Fleece in Grace-Church- ftreet^ from Miinday Morning till Saturdays Night. Evening very Drunk with the Journey-men Shoomakers in St. Martins^ Heads hot next Morning. Tuesday 19.^ Six Daughters of Mercury and Turpentijie , bilk their Lodgings in Spring-garden^ and carry off all their Effects in a (ingle Sheet of brown Paper about Nine. Great whifperirlg and nodding among the Politicians at the George in Iroji-jnonger-lane^ from One' till Four. City Preferments dif- pofed off, and Lord-Mayors and Sheriffs Elefted there for a Hundred Years to come. A noify, Toublefome, crop-ear'd Coxcoiiib at B Coffee-houfe inJlderfgate-Jireet^tircs every thing but his own Lungs, with fet- tling the Spanifli Succeffion, and contriving Matters fdi: the Parliament, at Four. The Author of this Paper is as dull as a lawfully . begotten Citizen s eldeft Son 3 but 'tis hop d he'll mend; THfe THE MERRY dUACK^ O R, P H Y S I C K Reaified, FOR THE BEAUSmdLADIES. By Mr. Tho. Brown* From Nov. 20. to Nov. 2j, Gentlemen, ^ I Prom? fed in my loft, to give you an Ac- count of my Pills and other Medicaments^ fo defer vedly Famous for Curing all manner of Dijiempers^ and am now as good as my Word. I confefs it goes fome^vhat again ft the Grain to difplay my felf thus in Print ^ fince fo ?nany Ignorant Quacks have made the Method In^ famous 5 and indeed nothing hut 7ny great Re- gard for the Publicky to which, as St. Auiihi fays. London and Weftniinfter. 1 2 1 /ays^ every honejl Mati ought to facrifice all frivate Conjiderations , coiicl have induced me to appear in a Paper in this Nature : But if a thing 7j to be totally layd, djide for the Abufe of 7t^ Good-night to the Law and the ■ Gofpel 5 we mufl een turn our Pulpits into Vowdering-tubs ^ and Weftminfter-hall into a Meal-market. So much by Way of Intro du- Bion, I J Have been often grieved to fee the noble Art of Phyfick fo run down and defpifed, and invaded as it has been of late 5 but to fay the Truth, the Profeilors may thank them- felves for it. They are eternally Jangling ' and Quarelling at the CoUedge^ and perfe- cuting one another, while they ought to lay their Heads together, and Unite to baffle thofe undermining Enemies of Mankind, caird Difeafes. Thiswoudbe an Employ- ment worthy of their moft ferious Thoughts, and recommend them to the good Opinion of the World 5 but, as Affairs are managed at prefent, they don't fo much endeavour to reftore People to their Health, as to make a \'ain Oftentation of their Learning. The fir ft thing they think of^ is to fet ap ?in Hy- pothefis'^ as they call it, even before they think of fetting up a Coach ^ and as they make all the Shifts in the World to fet up the latter 3 fo'tis to keep up their beloved Hypothefis , they ftrain every Phenomenon K 2 \x\ 1^2 A Comical VIEW of "' in Nature to make; it bear that way* Tis ^ j melancholy, but true Obfervation, that as '; our Number of Phyficians has increafed, fo the Weekly Bills hav^ done the fame. Gentlemen, I was born with a natural Antipathy to all Difeafes whatever, as fome People are to Cheefe and Onions. I hate Difeafes, and Difeafes hate me 5 by the fame Token they fly from my Prefence, as 'twas obferved iu the laft great Plague,. that the Dogs by natural Inftincl ran away from the City-Dog-killer : Neither can I blame 'em for it, for I make it my conftant Bufinefs to deftroy 'em Root and Branch whereever I meet 'em. But Gentlemen, don t mifun- derftand me 5 tho' I kill the Difeafe,I do the Man no Harm , like Lightning that melts the Sword, and never injures the Scabbard. To qualifie my felf for this noble Profef- fion, I never troubled my Head with reading Hippocrate^ Dioforules^ Selfm^ Galen^ and other reverendr Blockheads of Antiquity, neither did I think it worth my while to loofe any time in perufing the modern Cox- combs, for fo I may juftly call them. No, Gentlemen, I went a wifer way to Work 5 inftead of turning over old mufty Pagan Vo- lumes, I have walked over every Mountain in England^ ScotIa?idy ^nd Wales: -I have en- quired into the Nature of every Plant and Ve- geetable^ examined every Mofs, Grafs, and Flov/er,andby Vertue of thirty Years Obfer- vation London and Weftminfter. 1 3 5 vation and upwards, have forced them to con- fefs their refpeftive Vertues and Qualities. Nor was this all ^ for ever fince I have been able to write, I have kept a conftant Correfpondence with all the knowing expe- rienced Men in our Faculty from LonJo?i to Japan ^ I don t mean thofe nonfenficai Hobby-horfes, the Virtuofoes of Holland^ Spain^ Italy and Ger7nsny^ that value them- felves fo much upon their Philofophy, and the Lord knows what unintelligible Stuff. I only concern d my felf with Men that read the great Folio of Nature, and inftrufted themfelves out of that, I have maintaitfd a Monthly Commerce thefe twenty Years with the Famous Dernetrim Bajilowish, Phi- fician to the prefent C^ar of Mufcovy^ with the Induftrious Abrahim JUbanali , who ferves the Grand Signior in the fame Capaci- ty, with the Courteous Achmet Ben IfJjmael, Dodlor to the Sophi of Perfia, with the In- quifitive Ibin Hafna Mnladezar^ who con- itantly attends the Perfon of the Great Mo- gid^ and the Infallible Kara Shu, who re- lides in the Palace of the E?np^rour of Chma^ not to mention the Phificians belonging to the powerful Monprchs of Tonquhi, Mala- bar, Mmgrelia, Bifnagar, Golcojida, Gur-, I . ffflan, Pegu, S'lam , Sumatra , Pale?nban, and the reft 5 from whofe Obfervations, to me moft friendly communicated, as likewife niy own Experience, I have arrived to a K 3 greater 1^4 -^ Comical VIEW of greater Knowledge than any Phyfician be- fore me, as will appear, tirfi^ By my Pillula Intentionalis'^ or, my IntentiGnd PilL I defie any Phyfician in the King's Dominions to fhew me the like. It ne\'er Works but when the Recipient wou'd have it, and, 'therefore is of fingular Ufe for all Perfons who may be obliged to take Phyfick^ and yet by reafon of their Em- ployments and Dufinefs cannot confine - themfelves to their Cham.bers. I dare en- gage that a Man may take it upon a Journey, and never be incominoded by it. Laft Eajler-Ttxm^ I gave \\:'lo ^ Torkjloire Attorney, the very Morning he went out of Town, who had no occafion to Evacuate till he came to Leeds. But what is more furprizing , one Ezechiel Tar^ Boatfwain to the Sa-mpfom^ took three of them at Bepu ford^ upon Apnl i6, 1699, and intended they fiiould never Work with him till he came under the Eqimiociial^ and according- ly fo it fell out, and then he had a Stool, that any Prince in Chrifl:endom would have been glad of, as he informed me in a Letter, dated from Fort St. George, Nov, 22. In fhort, a Man that takes it, may Adjourn and Prorogue his Backfide, as long as he pleafes 5 and this , as I take it, can be faid of no Pill now known in Chriftendom. Secondly , My Pillula Dividgatoria^ or, ;ny Divulgatory Pi// : The great Excellencv of London and Weftminfter. 335 of this Pill lies extorting Secrets from whoever takes it: Very proper confequently for married ^AtninCheapfide^ Cornhil^ or any part of England^ to know how their refpe- dive Wives ftand affeded to them 5 for as 'tis no bigger than a Pin's Head, fo if the Party dextroufly flips it into a Glafs of Ale, or Wine, or any fuch Vehicle, and gives it his Wife, it will make her tell all the Secrets of her heart in her Sleep ^ as for Inftance, Whether flie has adually Cuc- kolded her Hufband,or has only intended it 5 as likewife who is the Perfon flie moit ad- mires. Thirdly^ My Pilhtla Otwfa 5 or my Idle Fill. This is the ftrangeft Pill of em all, for 'tis neither Diaphoretic, nor Diuretic, nor Hedrotic, nor Hypnotic, nor yet Eme- tic 5 that is to fay, it neither operates by Stool, nor Urine, nor Sleep, nor Vomit ^ and yet makes a fliift to do its Bufinefs by doing nothing at all, as fome Lawyers do theirSj^ by being bribed to hold their Tongues. , Fourthly^ My Pillida Jfiti-MoaHtka-^ or^ my .Anti-Moabite-pilI. A Man that takes one of thefe Pills before he ftirs out of his Lodgings, tho^ he ows as much Money as the two late Sheriffs were worth, yet may go and whet his Knife fafely and fecurely at the Counter- gate, and the Devil of a Ser- geant dares meddle w^ith him, by reafon of fome wonderful Effluvhm^ it fends out of K 4 the 136 A Comical VIEW ef tlie Thorax : Very ufeful for breaking Tradefnien, difbanded Officers, and others in the fafne Predicament. In tine, 'tis infi- nitely better and cheaper than a Protedion irom' a L— d or a P t-Man. Tho' I conftantly keep fixty Operators at work, yet I can hardly ferve the Town for their Occafions. I would fay more of it, but an rncient Gentlewoman, who has Buried four Hufbands, and is in hopes to Bury the fifth, ftays for me beloxv in the Parlour, to have her Fortune told: Sp, Gentlemen, Adieu till next Wednefday. From tic GhhsmdVnn^l Yours SkC, in Moor-fidus, )iext r.-i '^ n -r. -i Voor to the Gun. Silvelter Partridge, From Nov. 27. to Dec. 2. Gentlemen, THE Hebrew hangitage^ I kiiom I jljall he cenfured for makmg this fieri- tatwn of ?ny Learning 5 however^ I afu re- folved to go on with my Shew 3 hit the He- brew Language^ ^ f^y-> ^^ ^^^^ ^^ft expreffke^ Jignificant Language in the whole Worlds as will appear by the following Inflances : The Hebrew Word for Woman, fignifies Forget- iulnefs 5 and Til appeal toyoit^ 'whether any thing London and Weftminfter. 1 3 7 thhig can he more Emphatical } Dont the frequent Elopements hi Fleet-flreet, Cheap- fide, and all parts of the Qty^ Jljew^ that the firji thing your Married Women forget, is their Mariage-Vow^ and their Duty to their Hitjbaiids } Thus likewife in the fame Tongue, the fafne Phrafe exprejfes both Death and Mariage. ISow^ tell ine^ Gentlemen , is not Mariage the Death d^Love? and does not Experience fiew, that 7no(l Men had better go to their Graves, than the Nuptial-Bed > They alfo iife the fame Word to exprefs a Beau and a Butter-fly ^ and is not the whole EJfence of a Beau exprefs d in that of the gaudy InfeB above-mentioned ? And laflly^ Ge7ithmen^ to come to the Point I drive ^t, (for I woidd not tire you with too many Par- ticulars ) one Hebrew Word fignifies both Phyficians and Dead Men ^ and indeed^ as- the World is managed at prefent^ a Man may reckon himfelf as good as Dead, who goes to confidt a DoBor :, S,o much is the noble Art of FhyRck debauclfd of late I THE two Epidemical Difeafes of E?ig^ land are the Scurvy and Confumption. They were all-reigning Diftertipers of this Ifland a' thoufand Years before Julius Cafar came to make us a Vifit ^ as any Man. that defires to be fatisfied, will find by the K:- florians of thofe times ^ and fo they ftill continue, notwithftanding we have had fo many 138 A Comical VIEW of many famous Phyficians among us. Now* is it not a Shame, a moft horjid Shame, that the moft Proteftant Lungs in the Univerfe, and thofe which deliver the moft Evangelical Truths, ftiould be invaded by this fatal Di- feafe ? and is it not a thoufand Pities, that a People who have the pureft Souls, Ihould have the naftieft Bodies ? I havebluih'd, nay, I profefs,! have been fcandaliz d , when fbme Foreigners from Chhia^ Bifnagar^ CircaJJia^ Trepizond., and Mingrelia^ have come to fee me, and defired me to carry them to our Churches in the Winter. I have been fcandaliz d, I, fay, to hear fuch Barking, and Wheezing, and Coughing there, when they have nothing like it in Laplam/^ Norway^ and Livonia^ which Countries lie fo much more to the Northward than we do. Some ancient Al- derman or Deputy of a Ward firft begins the Harmoiiy^ then, like a Train of Wild-fire, it impudently runs up to the Communion- Table : After this it gets into the fide lies, and then. Good Lord Ifthere's fuch a Noife, that no Body's a Farthing the better for go- ing to Church \ The Parfon he lofes all his fine Quotations out of Gregory and Chry- foftome^ which coft him fo many precious Hours the Saturday before 5 the People loofe the End of their coming to Church, which was to hear thofe Learned Qiiotations ^ that honeft Clerk loofes. a delicious Qiiaver upon one London and Weftminfter, 1 3 9 Kintoi John Hopkins Ekes ^ ^nd Jjes, being moft malicioufly interrupted in his Melody by a Whorefon Cough. In fhort , Parfon, Clerk and Congregation are all Lofers. Now to obviate and prevent this difgrace of our three Kingdoms, I have been thirty Years and upwards contriving iny Anti-tiiJJi- ent Pills^ which are compounded of thofe admirable Balfamic Ingredients, that, Gen- tlemen, the Party that takes them, may lie up to his Chin in Water for a Fortnight to- gether, or cover himfelf all over in Snow, as naked as when he came firft into the World,andifhe Coughs forty Years after that, I am content to lofe my Ears. Let any Man, that diflrufts the Vertue of my Jntir- tnjjient Pills^ make the Experiment, and if, as I have faid before, he Cough forty Years after that, I engage before this honourable Company, to be his Bond-flave. And then as for the Scurvy^ which feems to have fet up her Head-quarters in Wales and Scotland^ I have found out a Puloic Mwi- dificatwit^y altho' a Man made as wretched a Figure as a patient Gentleman, who has been very much abafed by a certain City- Knight, did upon the Dung-hill^ yet in a Minute, I'll make him Retim in Corpore. But Gentlemen, my Talent is not con- fined only to thefe two Dlftempers : I Pra- ctice alike upon all Difeafes, and with the lame Succefs and. Facility. ■ Show J 40 London 4«^ Weftminfter. Show me a Fellow that has got as inucli Water in his Abdomen^ as will till the Tim of Heidelburg :y Ihow me, I fay, fuch a Fellow , if you dare. \ wou d willingly ride two /thoufand Miles at my own Ex~ pence to fee fuch a Sight. Now , you 11 fay, what will you do with him, when you have got him ? Why, before you can anfwer me what's this. 111 tap his Abdojnen^ and fet him to rights. Show me a Scrotum diftended to the fize of hoiieft Mr. Moxon?, Globe upon Atlas ^ Shoulders in Warwick-lane^ Til reduce it to its Priftine State, while a VirtiwfQ at Child's^ is fupping his Dilh of Coffee. Show me a Son of Bacchm^ who by his indefatigable lifting up his Hand to his Head, and his nodutnal Induftry, has ac- quired as many Pimples in his Face, as there are Jewels in Lombard-Jlreet^ nay, whofe Phyz is fo fiery, and rubicund, that it wou'd put the laft Conflagration out of Countenance: I have a Water, that in a Moment, Ihall extinguifli all thefe Vitlcandsy and make him look as fair as a Sinner newly come out of the Powdering-tub, or, if you pleafe, as pale as a Guinea-dropper, when hes carried before a Worfhipful Ju- ftice. Show me a Man fo pitted by the Small- pox, that his Face looks like the Map of » ■Switzerland ^ with the Hills and Vallies A Comical V I E JV of 141 in itj with my , Lympha Cofmettca^ or my Levelling Drops^ 111 make it as even as a Bowling-green. But what I moll vahie my felf upon, and indeed I defie any Dodor within the Bills of Mortality, (you fee I circumfcribe them. Gentlemen, within their ownDominions) to do the like, I ha\'e fo improved the ancient and laudable Art of Qiiro-maiiteta^ or Our- ofcopy^ that is to fay, of Prognofticating all future Contingents by Urinethat the like was never heard of in Europe. I know that fe- veral Blockheads pretened to tell a Man the prefent State of his Body, by feeing his U- rine (and what Fool by the Broth cannot make a Ihift to guefs at what Meat is in the Pot 5 ) but I have carried my Difquifitions much farther : As for Inftance, Let an At- torney bring me his Water, and I will tell him how his Client's Cauie will go in Wefl- minJitr-haU^ aud whether any of his Adver- fary's Witnefles are like to Perjure them- felves. Let a young Maiden Ihew me but a Thimble-full of her Urine, and I will re- folve her when fhe fhall be married, how niany Children llie Ihall have, and what theit refpedive Fortunes Ihall 'be. This, Gentlemen, may fuffice at prefent, to let you fee I can do fomewhat more than my F; 077/ the Globe nnd Urinal Toiirs d\C* in Moor-fields , it^xt o • i ' /i r") ^ * J Deny to thi Gun- Silvelter Partridge. Bre^- t4i ^ Cvmical VIE W of Brethren. Next Weditsfday I fliall addrefs my felf to the Ladies. From Dec. the 3. to Dec. 11. » Ladies. ISuppofe it will he granted me without niuch ^Difficulty , that Beauty is the greatefl triviledge and Blejjing^ which Heaven has beflowd upon your Sex, Even Vertue it felf^ as Magnificently as fome People love to talk ofity is inferiour to Beauty. This you II think to be a Paradox^ but 'tis eafily De?non^ firated. Is it not the Bufmefs of Vertue to wait upon Beauty, and to gu^rd it from all rude Invaders / Now will any Man in his fi- ber Sejifes^ maintain that my Ladies Ge?itle^ woman is above her Miflrefs ^ By the fame fort of Reafoning he might as well pretend that a furly Beef-eater is as good a Man as his Majefly^ which Heaven forbid! TIS to this happy Qiialification, I mean to your Beauty^ Ladies, that you owe all your Conquefts and Acquifitions. Charity may carry a Woman into a Nunne^ ry, but it will never prefer her to a Mo* iiarch's Embraces 5 and Mo?iey ^ the moft powerful Magnet next to Beauty^ tho' ;t Brings you abundance of Hypocrites, was iievet London and Weftminfter. 145 never guilty of making one real Lover fince the Creation, Tis by your Beauty that you make fo many of your Admirers hang and drown themfelves every Year, to the unfpeakable Satisfaction and Comfort of your Hearts. By this you Triumph over the Severity of the Wife, the Indifference of the Infenfible, and the Refolution of the Brave. This made Julius Cafar^ and after him Mark Ajitoriy^ to lay their Lawrels in Cleopatra s Lap. JuclitJos Eyes lirft pierced Holoferness Heart, before her Hands fmote off his Head. Hercules, tho' his Sinews were as llrong as Cable-ropes, yet a fingle Hair of his Miftrefs Omphale draggd him whither fhe pleafed. \ How many Gallant Officers do we daily fee in our Streets, who at the Seige of Na-^ mw\ marched up boldly to the very MoutK of the Cannon, and received no harm, that have been fince wounded by the fatal Glan- ces of the Belhidds and Mela?iiffas in the Park and Play-houfe ^ Not to infifl any longer upon this Head, 'tis plain, that the Prize was long ago deter- mined in Favour of Beauty by Prianh judici- ous Son, upon Mount Ida^ when the three Coddefles appear d before him in their Purls Naturalihw, and that nothing in the World is able to maintain its ground againft it.; It difarms Fortitude, it blinds the Eyes oiju- fiice, it has betrayed Prudence into a thou- fand 144 London ^/^^ Weftminfter. fand Follies, it has inveigled Temperace in- to a Female CofFee-houfe, where it has Taught her to Debauch in wicked Cherry- brandy, and Dr. Stephens s Water. In fine. Ladies, had it not, been for this, ten to one but the Men had long ago pradifed a piece of Jewijij Policy upon her Sex, and con- trived feparate Apartments for you in their HoufeSj as the Sons of Circumeifion flill do in their Synagogues. Can you then ever do enough. Ladies, for the Man, who by Heaven s Blefling up- on his Indefatigable Application and Indu- ftry has attain d to the Secret of not only continuing this Blefling to you, but even of beftowing it upon thofe^ whom Nature never befriended with it , who has found but an Antidote againfl: thofe tertible Things, call'd Wrinkles, and can fecure all your Charms to the lafl Moment of your Life ? Ought you not to hang up his Pi- dure in your ill our Bed-chambers and Clo- fets ? Ought you not to ered Statks to him, fince by a contrivance, much more furpriz- ing, than that of a modern Uertuofo's ma- king a Buring-glafs of Ice, he can Teach your Eyes , even a * Fourfcore to inflame Hearts, and burn them to Tinder ? You complain of the great Inconftancy of the Men, and indeed, I will not pre- tend v/holy to excufe them : But, alas! La-., dies, youll foon drop this Accufation, if you London and Weftminfter. 1 4 5 yow confider that your Faces are ^s changea- ble as they. When you have once feen Twenty, that impudent Underminer, Time, daily fteals a Charm from you, and why fliouH the Load-ftone complain of the Iron for not dancing Attendance after it, when it has loft it's attradive Vertue 5 Lovers are of the Religion of the ferfians^ worlhip the riling Sun, and never mind him when he Declines. In fhort, Ladies, Love follows Beauty, as the Shadow folio y^^s the Body 5 and for a Woman to Dream of getting Gal- lants, when that has left h-^r, is to expect as great a Miracle as Traiifubftantiation wrought in her Fa\ our, where the Acci- dents continue, when the Subftance, that fupported them, is demolifli'd. But this, I prefume;, is no Age for Miracles, What 'farther Difcoveries^ I have made hi my Vrofejjion for the Service of your Sex^ I hitend to Pnhlifh in my next^ and in the mean time beg heave to Subfcnbe my felf From tlie Glohe and Vr'mal Xoiirs £\C ^Bj»;fe«;""^ Silvefte'rPartridgm L From 1 4(5 A Comical VIEW of From Dec. ii. to Dec. i8. Ladies, BE^uty is fo itnfpeakable an Advantage, and a Jewel of fo inefiimable Value to the Pofeffors of it, that you muji excufe me, if 1 pre fume to V reach to you upon the fame SitbjeB again ^ which Ipurpofely do, that you may take the more care to preferve it ^ for, between Friends be it faid, a Woman that negleEis her Beauty, is in a fair way to neg- leB her Soul. WHatever has been faid by fome Ora- tors, concerning the mighty Pow- er of Eloquence, may with more Juftice be attributed to Beauty : 'Tis the moil perfuad- ing Advocate in the World, by the fame Token, that it pleads its Caufe, even when it is filent. If it appears at Court, every Door flies open to receive it :^ Gouty de- crepit Minifters of State, who are deaf to all the World befides, wou'd not ftir fi'om their Couch to hear a Bifhop, run and li- ften to it with x\dmiration and Pleafure. If 'tis engaged in a Law-fuit, it foftens the auilere Judge 5 nay, the beft Councellor of 'em. all, is proud to open its Caufe. At Church, and at both Theaters it drav/s the Eves London and Weftniinfler. i 4 y Eyes of all Speftators^ it confers Grace and Greek, for it makes Deans and Pre- *bends^ it confers Fortitude too, for it tnakes Colonels and Captains 5 it draws Shoals of Cuftomers to the Coifee-houfe or Tavern where it inhabits 5 it begets num- berlefs Serenades and Sonnets: In fliort, its Health is toafted m all Companies, and its Name written in all Glafs-windows. Some have ventured to make a Parallel be- tween MifJIc ^ni Beauty^ but with great In ju- ftice to the latter in my Opinion 5 for, Ladies, to exprefs my felf like a Philofopher, that which we receive in at our Ears, makes in- finitely a weaker Irapreflion upon us, than what our Eyes convey to us 5 But this is not all, for Beauty is the Mother of MuftCy as appears by the numberlefs Songs that are made to it ^ and is't not rediculous to the laft degree,to prefer the Oblation to the Divi- nity that receives it? If Orpheii^ and Aifiphion drew Stones after them by the Influence of their Harmony, TIJ appeal to you. Ladies^ whether Beauty has not done the fanle Thing a Thoufand times, and all by the Power and Prevalence of its Charms. jBut, alas! when a Perfon, let her Con- dition and Qiiality be what it pleafes, has once loft this Treafure^ fhe may Ihut up her Exchequer 5 file's perfedly dead to this wicked World, and is no more regarded by the Sparks of the Town, than the Barorne- L 2 ter- 148 A Comical VIEW of Tapers are by the Tradefmen, fince tjiey have been fo wickedly bilk'd by them. What is more affliding, her very Hulband, ' who was acceflary in part to the Deftrufti- on of her Beauty^ (Ladies, you know my Meaning, without explaining my felf farther looks upon her with the fame Contempt and Scorn, as he does upon a Play that has been thrice damn d : All that fuch an unfortu- nate Perfon has left her to do, is to Admini- fter to the Pleafures of others, when fhe is paft them herfelf ^ which is as great and mortifying a Fall, as it wou d be in a Gen- tleman, that ufed to play upon his own Head at the Groom-Porter^ to content him- felf with being an humble Spectator, or Dealing the Cards to the reft of the Game- fters. And as for thofe unfortunate Women, that never enjoy'd it, ought they not to run barefoot to the North Pole 5 ought they not to cut the Equ'moclial and vifit both In^ dies to procure that Qualification, (if it were poflible for Travelling to procure it,) which wou'd not only proted them from Contempt, but give 'em an Empire over all that behold them? But, Ladiesy you need not give your felves the Trouble to Travel fo far : You that have Beauty ^ and are willing to pre- ferve. it, and you that were born v/ithout it, and defire to obtain it, need only make a fmall London and Weftminfter. 149 fmall Vifit to Dr. Silvefior Partridge^ nex^ Door to the Gun in MoorJieUs,, and he wiU do both your Bitftnejfes for you effeftually. . It may be faid perhaps that no young Woman in the World ever thought hei: felf Ugly, as no Wit ever thought himfelf dull, and confequently that this Advice is loft to them : But to prevent this Objedion, I have at home a Speculum Veritatis^ or an hnpartial Looking-glafs -^ which no Aftrolo- ger in the Univerie has befides my felf, in- to which, whoever looks, he Ihall foon Tpy all his Infirmities: The Wit fhall find him^ felf to be a Coxcomb, and the Lady fhall own her felf to be Deformed, altho' Ihe is. a Dutchefs. Does it not then highly behoove, (pardoa me, Ladies, if I exprefs my felf with fome Warmth) does it not highly behoove every individual Woman in the three Kingdoms^ who pofleffes fo precious a Flower, to cher- ifh and nurfe it up with all the Care ima- ginable ? Is Ihe not obliged in Point of Re- putation and Intereft (whatever you. La- dies, may thiuk of the fornjer, I am fure you ought not to negledt the latter,) to. maintain the thing that contributes fo much to her Peace at home, and her Satisfaftioa abroad? And can any thing be more unna-. tural, than to omit the preferving of that Strufture,. and fuffer it to run to dec^y ^ up- L 3 ou ! yo A Comical VIEW of on which her Security as well as Pleafure depends ? But, Ladies, left I fhould feem to in- vade your own Prerogative , which is that of Talking more than comes to my Share, I will here break fliort and conclude. Next Wed fief day I intend to hold forth to you upon thefe three great Deftroyers oi Beauty 3 Pant, Cold Tea, aud Ratifia-^ and in the mean time am From the Qhhe ani Urbml Jhurs &C, in Moor-fields, next e^\ cl n -. 'j Door to the^Gun. Silvefter Partridge. The End of the Firfi Part. The 151 The Second Part By Mr. Edward Ward, Author of the LONDON spy! Continued Weekly. From Jan. 6. to Jan. i^. PErhapsyou niay afcribe my Fortnight's O- rnijjwn^to the fame P oU'icy praEtisd amongfi the good naturd Ladies of the Age^ who often withdratp their Favours from their Gallants^ on purpofe to whet their Appetites to the next Blifs they intend to impart to 'em : But ifyou^ think fo^ I mufl take the Liberty to tellyou^ you are much mifiaken^ for you mufl know we Wits have our intervals of Duhiefs^ as mad Men have now and then their Lucid inter-. L 4 mijjions y \ 5z A Comical VIEW of vnjfions ^ and altbd I can njjiire you I enjoy the Benefip ^/ Mem fana in Cor pore fano, as vntch as any Clergy-rnaji that gives hie Lungs a breathing twice a week at his Parifb-Chitrch^ yet^ like them-^ I cannot altogether excnfe my felffrom being fubjeB to that fatal Diftem- fer^ < called ■ t^je Dr74?iken Stupidity^ in which Difeafe Morpheus ?nuft be allow d to he a' better Tlyfician^ than your old Friend Cafe, or the imhorn DoBor ^ therefore I woidd have yoit believe-^ thai irrefifiible Temptation^ the Bot- tle^ drew me into the Sin ofrT^egligence^ and made 7ne either very ' iin'unlling:^ or el fe inca- pable of obliging you : But however^ How I am thorowly av,?ake7id^and begin to re feci on my paf Forgetfulnefs^ I am refolved to endea- vour to divert you for the future with more Conjlancy. WE are credibly informed, the Czar of Mufcovy is fo highly Enraged at his late Overthrow, that he is refolved to turn Pagan in Oppofition to allChriftianity 5 and is fo angry with his Clergy, that their Prayers for his Succefs have been ineffedu- al, that he has threaten d the Heads of fome, and the Tefticles of others, to . die great Lamentation of the female Sex, through- put his v/hole Territories, Coffee-houfe Politicians are at a great Puz2;le about the prefent Affairs of Europe, The Treaty of Partition, a War or no War. The London and Weftmlnfter. i ^^ The new King of Spa'ni, and the new Parli- ament 5 being all the Subjeft of the Evening Tittle-tattle, about which many a fools Bolt will be foon ihot, and many a wife Man confounded. It may be cafily forefeen, without the Confultation of the Stars, that Watermen till next Term, will have little elfe to do, than to play at Slap-at-depouch in their Boats to warm their Fingers, or elfe drink in Ale- houfes, till they be Drunk, and then foj want of better Employment, baft one another with their unmerciful Stretchers. /mpetuous Storms may be reafonably ex- pefted before the Winter is over, efpecially in thofe Families where the Wives wear the Breeches 5 and fuch loud Winds will be apt to. arife in and about the City of Londo?z^ that maliy ho.ufes will be untiled, and the^ poor Cuckold whirled out of Doors, that the Coaft may be clear for fome Iriflx Pentioner ^ alio Aches' in the Shoulders will be much complain'd of amongft- divers- marry'd Women, who have furl y- Knaves to their Hulbands ^ and many a wrangling Difpute arife in the blelfed State of Matri- mony, that never will be decided till Death part the Difputants. Maids this Winter will be troubled with ftrong Stiches , about the Girding, place >^ which Difeafe will principally proceed from ilieir Situation in Supinity^ . and many a marry U. 154 A Comical VIEW of Gentleman will be troubled with fuch a dimnefs of Sight, that they will make but fmall Diftinftion between their own Wives and their Chamber-maids. It will certainly prove a hard Winter with many Scholars , for though they Stu- dy much, they are likely to gain but little^ they will be apt to carry more Wit in their Pates, than Silver m their Breeches. Dunces fhall prove more Wealthy than Do- dors , infomuch, that fundry unletterd Sots Ihall ferve themfelves into the Mini- ftry, if the provident Care of Reverend Bi- fliops don t juftle them afide. Butchers, though they have been draggd up amongft black Cattle, if they have not a Care, will find Horns hurtful to 'em^ and fome (hall be fo Wedded to Swines-flelh, that they will never be without a Sow in their Houfes, fo long as they continue in the State of Matrimony. Many Tokens of the Horn-plague, will very fuddenly appear upon divers Citizens, who have celebrated Beauties to their Wives , and deal cheifly with Courtiers. 'Tis likely to prove an ugly Diftemper, and will greatly affed both the Head and the Heart of thofe Patients it afftideth 5 'twill be to fome as troublefome a Diftemper, as the Small-pox, tho* not fo mortal 5 and will make em fo wilfully weak-fighted^ tlaat they wont forbear winking at their '■'■' ■ * : '■ ' "Wiy^s. London and \Veftir»infter. i 5 5 Wives failings, or will they be able to dif- cern their own Unhappinels, till the Pefti- lence of Cuckoldom, which their Heads catch from the Tails of their Help-mates, brings their whole Families into a deep Confumption. From Jan. 13. to Jan. 20. • Gentlemen, SHoitld a Leviathan fwim up to Cuckolds- point, a Vorpus be cdtckid as high as i^2imhQth-houfe ^ or a Blazing Star appear within our Horizon^ 1 could from theje or fitch'Uke Prodigies^ amaz>e the World with Aftrological Judgments grounded upon fome Authority %, orJhotddaPhyJiciango ten Miles in his Coach to fee a pennylefs 'Patie?it:^ a Lawyer zvithout a Fee^ talk tiU he fweats in a Paupers Caitfe -^ or a rich Parfon when he dyeSy leave all he has to the Poor of his Pa- ri[h 3 thefe woidd be mofl miraculous SigJis of fome wonderful Revolution^ and well worthy of an AJlrologers ConjeBures : jherefore when any thing happens that is firange or re- markable^ you may befure of my Opinion con- cerning it, given Secundum Artem : till then I can only Buertainyou with ordinary Predi- Bions 1^6 A Comical VIEW of eiions^ for common Caufis produce common EffeBs. I Can plainly forefee the Sons and Daugh- ters of Iniquity, will never have done- riding through the filthy Roads of Adulte- ry and Fornication, as long as Tavern- chairs are able to carry double 5 and many will fo grievoufly gaul themfelves, though it be a fliort Journey, that they wiH be fore d to take the fame Phyfick as Sinners do, for a Gonorrhos Virulent^ before they will be curd. Many political Reports will be fcattered abroad within this three Months, concern- ing foreign Affairs, which will greedily, be believ'd as true as the Gofpel, tho' as falfe as the Devil. Fears and Jealoufies of fome Courtiers will make the Citizens Beards wag over their Coffee, like Clock- work-Drummers over the HefpitaUgate in Bartholomew-fair time^ and caufe many a tatling Mechanick to fay ill things of fome Folks, whilft their Wives at home are do- ing as bad with others. Broken Officers will renew their Courage with the hopes of a new War, whilft Merchants upon Change fiiall look as dull as a caft Client, through defpair of Trade. When Mifers begin ^ grow Charitable, aod Courtiers as good as their words, Tay- ' ' ' k>rs London and Weftminften 15-7 lors will begin to make honeft Bills, and Excife-men do Juftice between the King and the Subjed. When Flatterers fpeak as they think, and Hypocrites ferve Heaven with Sincerity, then fhall Tally-men forfake their Knavery, and Strumpets their Impu- dence, and the World turn honeft all of a fudden to IVIankind's Ajnazement 5 Conten- tion ceafe, to the Lawyers undoing, and the Black-Lift want Names to the great dif- fatisfadion of the Reforming Society. It may be greatly fear d the Nation in general, will in a little time be very much troubled with the Megrims 5 infomuch, that he muft be a found Man in Condition, as well as in Conftitution, that will be able to ftand on his own Legs, without four Hundred and &c. to fupport him^ for Wars, or Rumors of Wars, will make People as dizzy as a Cat, whofe Fore-head has been rub'd by the heavy Hand of a Porter 5 and Fears and Jealoufies will make us too apt to lip out of the Frying-pan into the Fire, if not prudently prevented. Women,in fpight of Prayers twice aday,and two good Sermons on a Sunday^ will for this prefent Year,as well as in all times hereafter^ become lefs Vertuous, as they grow more Cunning, prove greater Hypocrites as they ftiew more Piety, flight thofe moft, that Love em beft, and fufely make Fools of all fuch Wife-akers as are filly .enough to let «m. The i$Z A Comical VIEW of The Black Jaundice of Ingratitude, will be a reigning Diftemper amongft fuch Men, who have much Wealth and no Wifdom, large Purfes and little Confciences^ info- much, that you may do twenty Kindnelfes to one Man, before you receive one from any Man 5 oblige every Body, till you have found Honefty in no Body ^ and part with many a Pound of true Sterling, before yoii will purchafe one Grain of true Firiend- ihip. When every Man in this World has ac- cording to his Defert, many will be taken out of their Coaches and put into Carts 5 fome tumble from the B to the Bar, and many be call from the P 1, and piit to the Paring-lhovel 3 whilft fome others, on the contrary, Ihall Ihift off their Rags, and be put into Robes,'.'change their Poverty for Plenty • and the Jnjur'd will enjoy that to which they have Right and Title 5 then will the Mifery of Iniquity be laid open without Law, and Mankind have Juftice done 'em without Bribery 5 and he that has Patience to wait till the Sky falls to catch Larks, \\ill fnrely find thefe things hap- pen when the Wdrld's turn'd topfy-turvy. , §he that has a Sot to her Husband, will find file has a Beaft to hef Bedfellow 5 and he that Marries my Ladies Chamber-maid, Will go near to ha\'e a Slut to his Wife 5 Ihe that's London and Weftminfter. 1 59 that's an ill Woman bcfooe fhe is Marry'd, will prove worfe after, if (he repents not heartily of her Sins ^ but he that Marries her will prove the beft Husband that re- pents the leaft of his Folly: Some impati^ ent Cuckolds will be fo cliollerick and ha- fty, that a Neighbour won't dare to fay Horns within his hearing, without the ha- zard of having his Head broke with a Pa- ring-fhovel, whilft other tame Cornuloes bear their Antlets with fo little concern, that a Man may cry Cuckow at his Shop- door without affronting him. He that goes into SmhhfieU on any Fryday in the Year, muft be a Man of very ftrong Sight, that will be able to difcern a Horfe- courfer from an arrant Knave 5 and he that goes into Long-lane on any Work-day in the Week to buy Cloaths, will have as hard a matter to efcape being Cheated. WhiJft the Thaw lafts, it will be much eafier fleeping in a warm Bed at Midnight, than riding Poft to Canterbury:^ and a Free- holder that goes into the Field tochufe P t-Men, will be much more fafe with a two Penny Oaken Cudgel in his Hand^ than a Groatfworth of addled Eggs in his Pocket. He that has a W e to his Wife, an Extravagant to his Son,and a Thief to his Servant, is in a fair way to be undone, with- out himfelf lending a Helping-hand to the mattet^ and the poor Client that is ruin d in 1 ^o A Comical FIE W of in WejimmfierAiM., wiJl never count a LaM^f- yer an honeft Man, as long as two to one ihall be thought Odds at Foot-balJ. From Jan. 20. to Jan, 27. Gentlemen, SlNce^ without ?nuch -Vanity^ t can war- rant 7ny PreJiElipns as Infaliible^ a^ the thrice Croaking of a Raven over a Honj'e-top^ the Screaming of a Weafel in the Chamber of Jick Patient^ or the Chirping of a fingle CIricket in a Chimjiey-corner^ which are all looked upon as inelancholy Omens offomefuc" ceeding Evil that will attend the Family 3 Why fhould not I^ that can fore fee the merry Occurrences of the Town^ as well as any Mo-. J^^rShipton, and can foretel the Follies and Knaveries of Mankind^ much better than a Death-watch can the fad Exit of a languiflj- hig Mortal^ take the liberty cf Piiblijhing ?ny Vrognojlications^ fince 1 hope they propofe 710 other S,ewardy than now and then to be Laiiglod at ^ I could heartily wifj^ Gefitlemen, for your fakes ^ my Paper was as full of Wi't^ as a Hogs Pudding is full of Oat-meal^ or an old Pedagogue full of Latin Scraps 5 and then perhaps it would relifh with you as wetl^ and prove London and Weftminfter. 1 6 1 prove as pleafant^ as a Mefs of Leek-porridge to a Jmngry Wclih-;//^/z, or a Bottle of fniall Beer to a droughtJy Drunkard'^ but we f crib- Ivig Aftrologers^ you 7nii\l hiovPy are better Husbands of our Wit fhanCriticks are of their CenfureSy and let the?n out by fundry fnall Parcels^ as Ufurers do their Money ^ the Ha- ^ard being the lefs^ and the Advantage the greater : So that ive take care to cut you out jiift a fenniworth for your Venny^ and hope every reafonabU Reader ^ will accordingly be fatisfied. ABundance'of Female-Hippocrites, who have the PraElice of Piety laid open, upon their Dreffing-table, will be obferv'd by their Chamber-maids to be very Extra- vagant, laying out fach large Sums of Time in new White-wafliing their Faces, that they will begin their Work in their Beds be- times in the Morning, and will not have ended their Diabolical Task, till a little before Dinner-time 5 yet will be feen at Church, as often as at the Play-houfe 5 and will be heard much louder than the Clark, in their Refponfes to the Parfon. When he that ftands for a Reprefenta- tive, hears nothing of his Faults, then Ihall, Silence put a Padlock upon the Mouths of the Rabble, and a Man s Enemies be deaf to all manner of Calumny^ but that will never happen Wejiward ^ whilft double M Fines i6z A Comical VIEW of , Fines and Ginger-bread are hit in the Teeth of a great Man in the Law, and a Box and Dice are rattled in the Ears of a great Game- fter, and a Courtier. When Religion, without Intereft, is Preached up for the Lord's fake only, and Courtiers mind the Welfare of the Publick, and pay their Debts without many Importu- nitieSjthen Ihall the People oi England be all one Opinion: Women forfake their Pride 5 Tradefmen forbear Lying in their Shops 5 and Libertines, before Thirty, renounce the Flefli and the Devil : But he that intends to be an Eye-witnefs of thefe happy Revoluti- ons, muft be ^rm'd, and live beyond the Age of Methnfalem. Shakefpere and Ben, JohnfoJis Ghofts, will in a little time pay a Vifit to both Play- houfes 5 and if their Fury be not appeafed by a fair Promife of a new Regulation of their Stages, with Scorpion Rods, borrowed from the Furies, they will whip the Barnet Mimick and the Fre?ich Tumblers out of both Houfes, and convince the Speftators, a good old Play is a better Entertainment for a feniible Audience, than a modern Farce with Bartholomew-fair Sauce to it 5 and that a good Moral Speech, is far more Edi- fying than the Braying of an Human Afs 5 and the neat Contexture of a good Plot, far more delightful than the Flip-flap, or the double Summerfet. When London and Weftminfter. i^^ When difafiFeded Statefmen pclt'a finking Government with Libels, and the Rabble refufe to believe 'em, then Ihall News-Pa- pers report nothing but Truth, and the grif- \y fober Citizen forbear to read 'em. But thefe things will never come to pafs, as long as there's a Flatterer at Court, a Cuckold in the City, a whimfey-headed Fool within a Stone's Call of Grd'/7j^w-Col ledge, and a Pack of Knaves within a Bow's Shot of Leaden-hall Market. When Aftrologers dare tell fome fort of Truths, without the Danger of being pu- nifli'd, a miflerious Way of Speaking will be laid a fide, and many a great Man's Picture would be drawn in plain Englifi. But till then, you muft, fay. And pleafe your Ho- nour, to fome high Knaves 5 Your Ladi- ihip, to fome great Wh — s, v/hilft the lit- tle Rogue Ihall be hang'd, and the poor Strumpet whip'd, for offending againft thofe Laws which the other bid Detiance to. Tho* the Weather be cold , the hot Plague of Luft will be very brief among Chamber-maids and Exchange-wenches , who are young and fair, but have no Por- tions 5 are of ripe Years to be marry 'd, but can get no Body to have 'em ^ and pine un- der the Green-ficknefs for want of fome Bo- dy to cure 'em. Many a Citizen s Plump- clieek'd Daughter would go near to fall un- M 2 der 164 ^ Comical y LEW of der the fame Misfortune, were it not that the Smoch-facd 'Prentice us'd the natural Expedient for preferving her Complexion. And for ought I know, fome forward La- dies of higher Quality, would oftner fall in Love with Oat-meal , Wall and Cinders, did not young Smell-fmock, the Page, ftand between her and the Diftemper. Great Fears and- Jealoufies will arife a- mongft our Proteflant Neighbours, about a Popilh Incurfion^ and many good Chrifti- ans in England^ will be fo over Charitable, that they will fhow a great Forwardnefs of taking the Burthen off their richer Neigh- bours Backs, to bear it upon their own poor Shoulders 5 and ufe the utmoft of their En- deavours to procure the Nation s Confent to fling the Helve after the Hatchet. But I can pretty well forefee by fome good Pla- netary Influences, that the Bank of Amfier- dam , the Rheni/h-wme Fat at Hidleberg^ and the Dutch Proteftant Religion, will be all render'd fafe without fuch an expenfive x\liifl:ance from England^ as fome of our over-amicable Friends are willing to afford 'em. • Men, we fliall find in a little time, will become Wolves, or worfe Creatures: Coun- try Gentlemen fliall eat up the induftrious Fanners 5 Citizens the Country Gentlemen^ Courtiers the Citizens^ the Ufurer the poor Houfe-keeper, and the Devil the Ufiirer. Crafty- London and Wcftminfter. 1 6 5 Crafty-headed Men fliall feed on the Han- dy-Craftfmen ^ Lawyers fliall fwallow their Clients , and many of em be fuddenly choak'd with a bad Caufe ^ Scriveners fliall cram down young Heirs, as if they were roafled Green-Geefe, or fat Woodcocks 3 and Bayliffs fliall fnap up poor Debtors, as fafl: as a Glutton does Shrimps and Oifters at a Fifli-dinner. When Hog's-Flefli is belov'd in Scotland^ as much as Whore s Flefli is in EfiglanJ^ then fliall the T^orthern Puritans renounce their Covenant, and fl:and up for Epifcopa- cy : And when a Weljlj-mdin rails againft toaflied Cheefe, and Herefordjhire Cyder, then fliall an IriJIj-Pott write a Satyr againft Ufquebaugh, and gain , fy my Shoul , dear Joy^ the Applaufe of his whole Country. But when thefe Wonders fliall come to pals, whoever can tell, muft be the Devil of a Conjurer. From Jan. 27. to Feb. ^. Gentlemen, THe Loftinefs of my Mhid ^ made me climb ^ laji Week to the top of the Mo- nument vphere I aa::^\l around me^ like a Jack-Daw percUcl upon the Battle??}ents of ^ M a * \66 A Comical VIEW of a Chnrch'fleeple. J?iJ irhen I had jitflly . admird the hmnejifity of the Heavens^ and pleased my felf with feeing many a Cuckold's Cat dance alojig theRidge of his Hotife^ with as much Grace as a Dutch Rope-dancer. I looUd dmi>n into the Streets^ where I faw a Parcel of hffie Mortals, nmniiig backwards and forwards , who feem'd' to be dwindled into fuch little Knaves, that I fancy d my felf in Prefter John'j Country, mounted upon the Verticle Voint offome over-grown Male-hill -^ obferving the Hurry and Confufi on of a Race of Pig7nies, who feehid to be mud ling a?id working one among amother , like fd many Maggots 7n a Tub of fl hiking Kitchen- fluff'. When I had ?nus'd fame ti?ne upoji the fundry Objects I beheld, and looUd Over London, like the Devil over Lincoln, / tfiuft confefs^ I had the ill Manners to turn my Breech upon the City, as a morofc Cinich does 1ois Back upon the gaudy Po?nps a?td Vanities of ' the World , and facd about towards the River ^ which kept a Roaring as it run thro the Arches, as if it was very angry with London- bridge, for obflruBing its Paffage. Every now and then, a Mortal or two pofd thrd hi white Shirts, with fuch unaccounted Cele^ rity , that I thought Old I^ick had been Vlaying at "Nine-holes through the Arches of the Bridge, and inftead of Bowls, made 7tfe of Watermen. Having thus, like a Sailor at Tepmajl-head ^ looked rouiul the Horizon, from London and Wcftminfter, 1 57 fro7n the many Obfervatians I niade^ both of things above me and below me^ I may reafon- bly conclude , my following Prediciions will prove much truer than the Marfial Stories of an old Low Country Soldier^ or a Marri- 7icrs flrange Report of Lapland or New England Witches, If they do not , / tpVl make Bumf odder of Ptolomy, and condemn Albumazar to the Lining of Trunks^ or Cover- ing of Band-boxes^ THere will be more Cunning in fome Lawyers Chambers pradis'd during the Term, than Plain-dealing us'd in all the Tally-mens Shops in London for a whole Year: Such opening of Green Bags, fuch ruffling of Papers and Parchments , fuch ratling of Pens and In-khorns , and fuch a rangling Noife of Tongues will be heard in Weftfninjler'hall^ that many a poor Client will be frighted out of all he has before the Hurry will be over. The Taverns and Eating-houfes near the Inns of Courts and Chancery, for a Fort- night or three Weeks, will be fo abominably pefter'd with Country Attorneys, that it will be as hard a matter for an honeft Man to fqueeze in amongft 'em , for a Slice of Ghancery-layie Pudding , or a Fetter-lane Dumpling, as 'tis for a Man of true Merit to joftle into a Place at Court without Bri- l)ery. Many warm Difputqs will arife M 4 amongft 1 68 A Comical VIEW of amongft the Lawyers during this cold Term > yet amongft all the Arguments they ufe, they will give but few of their Honefty, He, who by the Tallons of the Law, has been once claw'd till he feels the Smart on't, will rather choofe to be Floggd with French Birch, and lie a Month under the Chyrurgions Hands, than to be at the Ex- ■ pence of maintaining a Suit feveral Years in Chancery: No Man is fure of having Right done him, as long as WitneflTes will be perjur'd^ for many an ill Caufe will be made good by bad Confciences. Many Widows, who follow their dead Hufband howling to Church, and at the Grave drill fuch Showers of Sorrow from their Watry Eyes, will be better than half fped of frefh Bed-fellows before the Burial- Ceremony will be fully over^ efpecially if they are but either Rich or Pretty in Illufi- on^ to which we have an old Adage, which fays, No more Pitty to fee a Widow Weep, than to fee a Goofe go Bare-foot. Many who complain much of thofe Eyig- I'tflo Diftempers, the Rhumatifm and Scurvy, if they have not a fpecial care of themfelves, will find em turn d into the French P — by the next Spring f, therefore I would ad- vife 'em to have Recourfe to me , or fome other Phyfician, left their Difeafe fliould lead *em by the Nofe iiito publick Shame and Derifion. Young London and Weftminften i ^9 Young Men will grow fo covetous in that rampant Seafon, the Spring, that they'll defireto feizeon every pretty Girl they come at ^ and old Leachers will grow fo Lufty and fo Wanton, that they will give twice more Money for a Maiden-head,than they will put into the Poors Box at an £^/?^?*-OfFering. Batchelors Wives and Maids Children, will be brought under rare Difcipline , notwithftandmg the old Proverb, viz,. That none knows how to tame a Shrow^ but he that has her 5 and more feeming Friendfliip may be had in a Houfe of Tranfgreflion for a Crown, than at Billing fgate'lA2ixktt. for an ill Word , or at the Bear-garden for a box of the Ear. Many People fliall be troubled with fuch aDizinefsofPate, arifing from the Fumes of Wine and Taplalh,that they will be abomi- nably plagu'd with a forgetful Carelefnefs of their own Bufinefs 5 and abundance of fot- tifti Michanicks , in fpite of Almanacks, wiil turn Worky-days into Holy-days^ and many a City Shop-keeper's Wife, when her Hufband has ftiut up Shop, upon an Anniver- fary, and fufFers not his Servants to expofe his Commodities, will, contrary to Mr. Hide^ fham her Spoufe's Knowledge, fuf^ fer her Ware to be tumbled and tous'd about by one- who is rather a Partner than Cufto- mer and comes rather toSte^l,thanlay;out any Mon?y„ Porters, 170 ^ Comical VIEW of Porters, in regard they are reputed Men of the beft Underftanding, fhall in all bur- thenfome Difficulties, be trufted with the weightieft Matter of the Kingdom 5 and notwithftanding they drink abundance of ftrong Drink, to make 'em light-hearted , yet Ihall it prove a heavy Year to em, in fpight of Ale, Brandy and Tobacco. Fid- lers and Drummers will prove very trouble- fome to new Marry 'd People, infomuch, that a Man cant Marry a Woman with a little Money, but prefently they make fuch Noife about the Matter, that all the Town Ihall be acquainted with it ; Players, tho' they feldom are, ought to be accounted Men of confiderable Parts, and though they make almofl: every Day a Play-day, yet can- not they be reckoned idle People, fince they are commonly in Action 5 yet are they Per- fons but of fmall Condufl: in their Affairs, for every time they go about their Bufinefs, they are put to their Shifts. When St. Athinafmss Creed is believed by the fuperfine holy People of England^ without Scruple or Objection, then will the Revelations of St. John be expounded, and all that believe in A — — /'s Doftrine, upon a due Proportion of Faith , enjoy^ without Death, the Benefit of Tranflation, From London and Weftminfter. lyV From Feb. 3. to Feb. 10, Gentlemen, AS I fat lafl Week mufiiig in my Study ^ fiirroiinded with many well'difciplin d Regiments of old Authors^ whofe Force I had Jirengthe7id with fome fen> Battalions of mo- dern Pamphlets 5 / began ^ in a melancholy Fit^ to fancy my f elf as Great as fome Confe- derate General at the Head of an Invincible Army^ coyflfling of as many fever al Nations^ as my Books were of divers Languages : But as my Senfes were tints deluded with this fren- izical Piece of Vanity^ I happen d to have a folid Globe Cdileftial hanging over my Head^ "which Minute Reprefentation of the Heavens^ yon cannot hut know^ is very rtfeful for us A- Jlrologers 5 and jufi as I was thi?iking to lay Siege to the Bank of Amfterdam, what the Globe htmg by^ happen d to give way , and clown it came upon my Head^ with fuch an infupportable Weighty that it knock d me out of my Chair ^ and laid 7ne fprawlijig^ like a Grdh^m-Col/ed^e Vertuofo praclifing t9 Swim npon a Table. Wloen I came a little to my felf and finding a worfe Pain in my Head than a Citizen troubled with Brow-antlets, I could no more forbear fcratching iny Ears at my Misfortune^ than a Porter that has turn- bM 172 A Comical VIEW of bled down with a Bajket of fitU Bottles^ or a hungry 'Vrenlke that has fiung down a Vlumb Pudding in carrying ont to the Bake- houfe: When the JnguiJIj of the Blow was fretty well abated^ an old Saying happen d to revive it felf in my Noddle^ fome thing appli^ cable to my Mifcha?ice^ That when the Sky falls we ihall catch Larks : But I had the who Heavens^ the twelve Houfes^, and the Pla-^ nets about my Ears at once^ and all that I got ^ was a broken Head by the Bargain. This wilucky Plot on my Pericranion, you muji needs think ajuakd me throughly from my melancholy Dream , and indeed occafiond me to take into Confideration what might be the be ft Ufe I could make of this unhappy Acci- denty and found my Reafo7i inclinable to be- lieve^ that my undertaking to PrediB many Things without the Cotifidtation of the} Stars^ load made the Heavens angry with me^ and that they had fent a whole Jrmy of Coyijlela^ iions upon my Head^ with a defign to knock my Brains out, as a lR:evenge for the Affront. Upon which ^ I refolvd for the future^ to go more methodically to Work--^ and taking up my Globe^ after I had turiid it aboiit and about, as a Cat will do a Ball, or a Monkey a Cocoa-nut, I found by my Obfervation of the Stars, thefe following Wonders will ve- ry fpeedily happen-^ ^f ^^ot, I JJjall be well fatisfied for the future, the Planets know no more of the Matter than the Man in the ■Moon, Un- London and Weftminfter. 1 7 5 UNlucky Birds fhall foul their own Nefts, and Engl'ijhMtn (hall rail a- gamft E?igIiJlj'Mcn, to the Shame of them- felves, and Scandal and Contempt of their own Native Country ^ pretending to teach us how to behave our felves weJl to Stran- gers, by a bafe Example of behaving our felves ill one to another ^ which might be thought paiTable Dodrine from a Dutch Trooper, fent back by the Laws ^ of the Land into his own Country 5 but ought to be look'd upon by all true-born EngliJIj- Men, as a Scandalous Undertaking of an E7igUjJj Poet, who juftly defer\'es Punifh- ment inftead of Praife, for fo Rediculous a Labour. Whein a Pamphlet, EntituFd, The Stock-^ jobber^ S\c, ihall be prov'd fo plainly true, as to convince the Publick , then will it be high time for the People oi England to begiii to look about 'em, left their Religion, Li- berties and Properties, are facrific d to the Avarice an^ Ambition of fome mercenary Senators, who prefer Mammo?i to the Die^ ty, and efteem their own private Intereft and Safety before the common Security of Mankind, and publick Welfare of the Na- tion ^ but as the old Woman faid, when her Prieft told her of the Jews ill Ufuage to our Saviour, In Grace of God it may 'n't be true ^ and then we are m.ore afraid than hurt, and fhall have no Occafion, I hope^ but 1 "74 ^ Comical VIEW of but to think well of thofe who are eleded as the Guardians of the Kingdom to fecure its Happinefs. Abundance of two-leg d Caterpillars this Year, fuch as P^etty-foggers , Flatterers, Brokers , Tally-men, arid mercenary Cuc- kold-makers , Ihall feed upon the Sweat of other Mens Brows, and bring many poor Families to Beggary , unlefs a Notherly Blaft of Heaven's Vengeance happen to clear the Land of fuch deftrudive Vermin. And if my Judgment fail me not, the In- gratitude of Vintners and Viduallers will be as much complain d on amongft negli- gent Sots and extravagant Tiplars, as the Knavery of fome La wy ers and Money-Scrive- ners, will be rail'd againft by fuch as have been Sufferers by the Law, or have Mort- gaged their Eftates for Qparter of the Worth, and have at laft been trick'd out of the fame for half the Value. Many brave Spirits, and worthy Men of lingular Merit , Ihall in a little time be fo ungratefully dealt by, that for their great Services, and magnanimous Atchievements, they Ihall be recOmpenc'd with a BetJifari- an Alms, and have the Eyes of their Repu- tation popt out by the infedious Fingers of Envy and bafe Negled 5 and fo call out of Favour, to make Room for thofe who have more Confidence than Vertue, and more Cunning than Honefty, When London and Wefttninfter. 175 When a felf-conceited Beau thinks his Miftrefs bandfomerthan himfelf, or the Eyes of a crooked Woman are open to her ov^n Deformity, then fhail Wits forbear railing one againft another , and Beauties without Envy, commend one another's Perfedions : But when thefe things happen, Ufurers ihall build Churches with their Money ^Law- yers plead heartily without a Fee,- and Ho- nefty at Court be pradis'd more than Flat- tery. When the Hands of the -^r^f J:? Highlan- ders are as free from the Itch, as their Hearts are from Loyalty , then Ihall the Bufinefs of Blinco,thtir DilTettfement at Da- rien^ and their Charter for an Eafl-India Company, be utterly bury'd in Oblivion 5 and when their Scotch Senate Vote to ftand by the Govetnm.ent of Engla7id againft France and Spain^ wuth their Lives and For-* tunes, then Ihall the Snake 'lift up his Head above the Grafs, and fhow himielf fo plain to the Wifdom of England ^th2it we fhall truft em juft as far upon their frefli AfluranceofFi- delity, as a good Chriftian would the De« vil, becaufe he appeared to him in a Saint's Apparel. The t7^ A Comical VIEW of The Charafler of a true Borri Dutch SKIPPER. V)Egrt on Board Jhme Fly-heat^ Ship or Hoy'y -^-^ That did at Anchor fafc in Harhonr lie ; JNursd up vpith Burgooe^ Herrings , Scate and Cody Which gave an Ottors JSIatttrc^ to his B'ood : ^ Whoje muddy Streams motve flovp, and are fo cold. He mu'l have Brandy to he Warm or Bold ^ Bred up to Bu/inefs^ fuited to his Mettle ^ Tofmh the Dck^ hand Sail, and Cook the )Cettle, When four times f even Tears he's dind andfap'd -^ On Fipr^ and Crcut fthen 04 he long has hop' d) v He Rules a Wo^'den We^^d, vpherein he fir^ rvas papd : J With a Thrum Cap he flruts upon the DecJc, And has his loafie SubjeEis at his Beck: But when on Shore , he like a Afonfierfeems, Walks like a Cow, and looks as if he dreams ; Hisfandy Whiskers, he doth well become, Turnd up with Snivil oft inftead of Gum : Does little good on Land, yet thinks no harm, Keeps Hands in Pockets, Glove k'neath his Arm': . Afeifelcfs Fajhion which our Beans think fine. Dull En§UlTi Calves to imitate Dutch Swine. From Fek lo. to Feb. 17* Gentlemen, OUR Horizon laft Week^ by a more than ordinary Agitation of the Wind^ being clear d of all Clouds and condencd Vapours^ that often hjnder m from the plea- Jlng London and Weftminfter. 1 7 7 fmg Sight of thofe glorious Conftellations that fbine above us , / was tempted by the Bright- nefs of the Heavens one IS-igJpt^ to walk as far as Lamb'i Conduit with my Quadrant^ Telefcope^ and NoBtmial, to Delight my Sen- fes as well as Improve my Judgment ^ with an Hours Star-gazijig: When I was advancd far enough in the fields to make a clear Ho- rizon to the Northward, I clafd my Rump againfl the Pojl of a Stile ^ to keep my Body the more Jleddy^ and elevating my Telefcope to my right Ey^ I began to play at Bo-peep with the Planets Jike any Country Conjurer. I had not been long ejiough at my Heavenly Exercife^ to difcover how many Spokes were in one of the Wheels of CharlesV Y^ain , or to teU how 7nany Sticks were bundled lip in the Man of the Moo?is Foggot ^ but a Milk-Maid crojjing the Fields to Pi?i- dar of Wakefield, afHd me what I was lookijtg at : If put ?ne^ I confefs^ to a Puz- s^de at the prefeiit^ to anfwer her hnperti^ nenceiy but after a little Deliberation'^ I told her by way' of Baiiter^ that Mars and Venus j with the reft of the Planetary Gods and God- deffeSy had got the Dogftar in a Halter^ and were going to Bait the little Bear in the North 5 and that within a quarter of an Hour there would be as good Sport in the Heavens ^as ever was feen at the Bear-garden. Pray^ Sir^ fays Jlje^ let 7ne have the hajidling if yonr Icn^ Thing a little^ that I 7nay look N thro 178 A Comical VIEW of thro' and fed fotne of the Paftime. Upo?i 7i>kkhj willing to oblige Jugg Handle-tet, / lent her my Infirument^ (I mean not that of Generation) and whenjhe had peeped thro it about half a' quarter of an Hour^ as in- tent ively as any Fl-mft-d, / aftd her what foe could fee ^ To which the Baggage reply d^ Nothing , hift that you Star-gazers are a Pack of Lying Knaves^ and that they are a Parcel of filly Fools who give any Credit to your Sayings. This fiarp RefleBion on my Profeffion^ put me not a little to the Bhfo^ and ft ruck me as Dumb as aflark mad Lover ^ fi-- lencd by a l^egative Anfwer frG?n his Mi- ftrefs^ fo that \vas as much as ever I could do from that Night's Obfervations, to calcu- late the following PrediBions^ which I have given to divert you. WE Ihall have abundance of lying, as well as flying Reports, fcatter'd abroad amongft us^ by lome who have more Craft than Honefty, on purpofe to try the VVeaknefs and Credulity of the common People : Some concerning ftrange Hairy Monfters as tall as a May-pole, and as big bout as a Brewer's Copper ^ as wild as an Arabian Boar, as ravenous as a Wolf, and as ftrong as an Elephant, that bears a Ca- ftle on his Back ^ taken the Lord knows where, by God knows who, and carry'd the Devil knows whither* Other London and Weftminfter. 179 Other Stories of Strange Armies feen in the Skies , fome accourter'd with fhort Cloaks and long> Spada's, with huge Snufh- boxes in their Hands, and a Clove of Gar- lick in their Months, as if they were Spa- niards. Others in ragged Coats, with ninibJe Heels, and more nimble Tongues , Cutting of Capers, and Whittling of Minuets, with a brown George in one Hand, and a Wifp of Dandelion in toher, as if they were French. Others with Carrot Hair and frec- kled Faces , rubbing their Elbows and fcratching their Knuckles in Plads and Bon- nets, with a Bag of Oat-meal by their fides, as if they were Scotch. Other hugd lufH Fellows, with broad Faces, fiat Nofes, and no Brains, with a Pouch full of Tobacco- duft, and a Bag full of Potatoes flung crofs their Shoulders, mumbling their Pater No- fter^ telling their Beads, and running away in their Brouges as if the Devil were behind em, looking as if they were Trjflj. Others Damning and Sinking in bloody-colour 'd Coats, with a Lump of Bag- pudding in one Hand, and a piece of powdered Beef in the other, running headlong into Danger, with- out Fear or Wit , as if they were Englifhi Others half Drunk, looking like brawny Slovens, with yellow Whifkers, and brown Skins, in white Coats, with red Herrings in their Hands, and Brandy-bottles at their Girdles , {landing a loof off of all Danger, N Q refem- i8o A Comical VIEW of refeinbling the Dutch. Thefe and fiich like kind of Stories, will be impos'd upon the Publick, by News-makers and News- papers, that fome Folks may know the bet- ter how to carve out News for the Multi- tude, that may be cleverly fwallow'd with- out Kecking. The Rife and Fall of Guineas being pre- vented by Aft of Parliament, the Devil's principail Agents upon Earth, called Stock- jobbers^ will be as bufy about lowering of French Gold, and darting other new Pro- jefts to cheat the Publiek, as ever a Pack of City-Knaves were in Cozening the Or- phans of their Patrimony, till they have got moft of the Lewi'd'Ores into their own Clutches, and then the Publiek will fee they will find a way to make em go currant at their former Value, with many Thou- fand Pounds Gain into their own Pockets 5 therefore if the Town is not as cautious as thefe Sharpers are cunning, Knavery will thrive, and fend Honefty a begging. There is a fine Pifture, relating to the Char icable Sir Some-body, which hangs up againft St. Sepulchre ?> Church-yard-wall, and a fine Speech relating to the fame v/or- thy Citizen, at the latter End of the True- born Ejiglijbman 5 from which oppofite Reprefentations, I can plainly forefee ma~ ny warm Difputes will arife between his Friends and his Enemies , about which of London and Weftminfter. 185 Courtier^ wallowing in the Embraces of an old Alderman s young Quiddle-doodle, Have I catch dyoii^ thmtght I : Marry ^ if Drinking and Whoring are praBical Delights among Gods and Goddeffes^ well may poor Mortals^ who are fubjeEl to the Influence of your De- baucheries^ have an irrefjiible Propenfity to oblige tJature with novo and then a Tajle of the like pleafant Recreations. Having thus difcoverd^ Secundum Artem, the remote Caufe that had fermented my Blood into this Venereal Ebolition^ I retird into my Study ^ -where from fever al Celefiial Obfervations^ as well as thofe already mentioned^ according ta the Infallible Rules and Judgement of Aftro- logy^ I have hereafter foretold^ in this pre fent Paper ^ many ftrayigey but true things^ that fl)ali C07tie to pafs i?i futuro. THEprefent Jundure of Affairs wili go near to require a Standing Army by Land, as well as a I^^et at Sea ^ and the Country Wenches will be fo Inamour- ed with Scarlet Cloth, that they wiU run after a Soldier, like a Turkey-Cock af- ter a Woman in a red Petticoat : For the Word Standings will be of fuch Efficacy, that Ladies of all forts, from the Commode to the blew Apron, will be ready to lye- down before any of the Marfhal Youths, that are honour'd with fo ftiff an Epi- thite. N 4 If ^1^4 ^ Comical VIEW of If we happen to have a War, abundance of poor Englifb People, who are ready to go bare-foot will be mightly afraid of wear- ing Wooden-fhooes , if France fhou'd get the better 5 and many grave old Hypocrites, who have neither a Dram of Religion, or on Acre of Church-Land, will be as won- derfully fearful of the fad Bugbear Popery, as a Squirrel is of the found of a Drum 5 but I can pofitively foretel 'em, they will be n.ore afraid than hurt, and that they need not doubt but ftill to enjoy their Poverty, Ignerance, and Name of Religion,withoutthe Danger of any Interruption from our Ene- mies 5 for God be thank'd, we have Wealth, Strength and Courage enough within the Nation, with good Managment, to compleat our Safety. •-.>.!-■ Thofe City-Sweeteners, call'd Stockjob- bers, begin to look as peevifli and as pale up- on the fudden fall of Eaft India-Stock above forty fer Cent, as a Parcel of Petty-fogging Sollicitors in the middle of a long Vocation 5 or like a Horn-mad Cuckold , under a Courfe of Phyfick Clap d by his own Wife, that you may know em as well upon Change hj their difpirited Countenances, as you may a Jew by his figmatur'd Caft, an Injh-mtn by his Ignorance, or a Dutcb-msin by his boariih Deportment. Thefe are the City Kites that devour the heedlefs Chickens ; the Brambles that tear part of the Fleece off London and Weftminfler. 1 8 5 off every Sheeps Back they lay hold 0113 the Sharks that prey upon the more innocent Filh 5 the Wolves that devour the Lambs , the private Enemies to the publick Welfare^ who if they can but advance and lower Stocks as will beft ferve their own Purpofe, care not if Peace, Liberty, Religion, and all that conduces to the common Safety of Mankind, were running headlong to the Devil 5 but now they are moft of them caught in the Snares they laid for others, (it is believd) and hop d, the Scene of Affairs will fo alter, that they will fome of them itink worfe than a Pole-cat in a VVarriner's Trap , if an unexpeded Providence don't favour 'em. Coulitry Attornies will fly as faft to their jural Habitations now the Term's over, as the Heard of Swine did towards the Sea, when the Devil was in em 3 thofe that came hither with full Pockets, will go near to return empty 5 and moft of them will take' care , efpecially T^orkfljire Scribes , to carry no more Honefty out of Town, than they brought along with em. Tho' the Term be over, yet Lawyers will have great knocking at their Chamber-doors for above this Fortnight bj importunate Duns, whofe Vifits will be far more troublefome, than the Teaze of a Pauper-Client , Taylors, Periwig-makers, Drapers, Hatters, Sword- Cutlers, and Shooe-makers,- will ply as thick in l26 A Comical VIEW of . in the Sair-cafes of Inns of Court and Chan- cery,as Greenwich Water-men at Btllingfgate^ or the foDty Fraternity at Cheap-fide Con- di^it 5 but I can tell em this for their Com- fort, (by the help of the Stars) that two Whores will have Admittance before one Creditor. The godly Seafon next Lent^ will make the Devil to do amongft the Fifli-women at 'BilUngfgate 5 infomuch, that the well-bred Language of Barren-fow, Whore, Pimp, and Cuckold, may be had by Whole-fale, much cheaper than Oyfters^ and good Words will be more difficult to be got for Money, than Plaice, Flounders, and Whit- ings. All forts of Fifh will be as plen- tiful and cheap , as Whores at the fourth Ad in either . of the Play-houfes 3 but good Manners will prove as fcarce a Com- modity, as Silence at a Chriftening. Poets, who ought to be Vertue's Crutches to fupport the Lame Lady from falling tothe Ground, when Vice has crippled her, will be apt this Year (as they have -done for many) to give the feeble Gentlewoman the (lip 3 fo that I plainly forefee Ihe will never be able to hold up her 4lead, whilft fhe has none elfe but fuch broken Reeds to depend on 5 therefore if the State does not take care to repair her injur'd Innocence, our Pofterity will find, as well as- our feh^cs, to the forrow of all good Chjriftians, • ' and London and Weftminften 187 and the great J07 of the Devil and his An- gels, that Ihe 11 be trampled under foot, and render'd hereafter incapable of ever rifing 5 fo that we Ihall have Swearing for nothing. Whoring as cheap as Neck-beef, Knavery- be efteemed as commendable Ingenuity, and Drinking to Excefs, to be the only Talent of a Gentleman ^ then will Play-houfes be as common as Meeting-houfes, that is two to one Church, and the Proteftant Religion-, inftead of a Bay Tree, flourifh like a Pum- kin on a Dung-hill. A S4tyr againft a Fart. Written by an Irifh-iVto, J^Oh^ hy my Shoul, thm art a. heafrly Word^ -^ Spoke hy a nafty A—fe^ whofe Brains are T — d 5 The Mouth thott com ft from, is a Jtinking Gm^ Deel tanke mine Ears, hut they didjmell thee out : Huhhoo, I mfh thee huryd ahove Gronnd, By Crcefht, my JSJofe is poyfind with the Sound -^ Wert thou a Man^ with dis hig HaJJpel Sticky rd cut thy Treat for a damn'd Heretic k ; Deel tauke thy Body for a pifnom BUfi, Thourt gone^ 'Gad thou ft ink' ft too long ta lajt. Itom 1 88 A Comical VIEW of From Feb. 24. to March 3, Gentlemen, I Ts as natural for we Star-gazers^ to give our Jelves a little Light into the dark My- (lery of Phyfick^ as 'tis for a Dancing-mafter to fcrape upon the Violin^ or a isoble Mans Hoiife-keeper to underftand Pickling and Preferving 5 and the only Reafon I conceive vphy Aflrolog''rs have fo great a Propenjity to the KnorpUJe^e of Mediciiie^ is, that our Ptolomean Fraternity very wifely confider^ 'that the Title of DoBor is more Reputable ^ than that of Conjurer ^ for by one or the other J we are mofl commonly diftinguifii d, I have therefore^ like a ctmning Angler^ thought it my befl Way to bait two Hooks, the one to catch fick Fools, who want Health more than Wealth, and the other to allure fnch diffatis- fiedWife-akers, who fling away their Money, to know that which no Body can tell *em : Profejjing thus both Phyfick and JJlrology, as I was the other Day fitting in my Study, tumbling over fome old mufly Receipts that were left me by my Grand-mother; a Female Patient Mastl, wrapt up in a Velvet Hood and Scarf, came and thumped at my Door with as much jiuthority^ as a poor Cuckold at Midnight London and Weftminfter. 189 Midnight^ knockifigfor a Midwife at the Sign cf the Cradle 5 my Man fteppmg to the Docr^ with an and ible Voice ^jh^ enquired for the Do- ctor 5 up07i which I werit down Stairs^ and examiiid her Bitfinefs^ who in plain Words^ told me^ Jhe was Clapd^ and afltd me for what Money Td undertake to Cure her 5 / told her ^ fiveVounds: Confound you. ^ f^y^ P^^-, for an old groping Fumbler^ I have been a Trader in this Town almoft this twenty Tears ^ a?id never gave above a Guinea in my Life. Indeed^ Madam, faid /, / cannot un- dertake the Cure for fo inconfiderable a Sum, Well ^ fays fije^ TU defer fhyficking a little, and Kifs on for a Fortnight or three Weeks longer^ for the Benefit of your Bofejfwn z^ andifyoit wont undertake me then for the Money I have offer d, you are the moji ungrateful old Tuzzy- 7nuz>'Zy Me?ider that ever handled Surrifige 5 and away jhe trip'd, without another Word, as ?ii?nbly out ofmy Doors, as a Town Lady early in the Morning out of a Temple St air-cafe i^ af- ter which I retird to my Study, and by the help of the Stars, composed the foUowing Pre- diBions. THe Beards of CofFee-houfe Politicians will wag mightily, during this Sefli- on of P 1 5 and every flying Gull, and foolith Impofition, inferted in the News-Pa- pers, will go down as glib, with the Sippers of Ninny-broth, as a White-Fryers Falfity pub- 1 90 A Comical VIEW of publifti'd by fliam Authority, does often- times with the too credulous Multitude. Great talk of ftrange Plots will addle the Noddles ofthePublicic, and thofe who are filly enough to believe the Reports of ill Deligns, without good Grounds for it, tho* they are much more fafe, are but very lit- tle wifer than thofe who are drawn into the Projedl, to be made a hanging Teftimo- ny to convince the World of the Truth therefore, who are apt, in fuch Cafes, to be better confirmed by a dying Convift, than a living Evidence. It will be hard for a poor Man to be thought a good Man, or a rich Man an ill Man, in this Age ^ whilft Men fliall be efteem'd Honeft for their Wealth, much rather 4:han their Vertues 5 and as for Z- piBetiis or Seneca s Morals, they are much talked of amongft Shollars, but not half fo muchpraclis'd 2iS>Machiavns^o\kQks amongft Courtiers 5 fo that I fear in a little time, the World will be of an Opinion, that Religion and Intereft, Riches and Honefty, Greatnefs and Goodnefs, and Poverty and Knavery, are as infeperable Companions, as Pride and Beauty in a Woman, or the Words Popery and Slavery in a true Proteftant Addrefs. When the Law finds out a Way to make Church-wardens honeft, then will the Poor of Eiiglafidht well provided for 3 but as long as they meet at a Tavern over roafted Alder- men London and Weftminlter.' 191 inen and raifie Canary, to difpatch Parifh- bufinefs, which ought to be done in the Ve- ftry^ and to one Shilling they give the Poor, put another into their own Pockets 3 well may fuch trufty Officers grow Rich and Fat, and the Poor for want of their due Allow- ance, become fo Lean and Loufie. When Maids want an Itch after Matrimo- ny, Women prove Obedient to their Huf- bands, and Wh-rs faithful to their Keep^ ers, then will the pious Work of Reforma- tion go on as fure, but as flow, as the good- Ij Strufture of St. Tauls 5 but as yet, ac- cording to all Appearance, notwithftanding the Care of the Reforming Society, the ho- ly Undertaking crawles lik^ a Crab, and Mankind grow infenfibly worfe and worfe for want of due Meafures to recover the wicked World into the Paths of Vertue. But this will never be done, according to the old Proverb, that is, By fetting one Theif to catch another-^ for if thofe whoare appointed to perfecute Vice, are not true Lovers of Vertue, abftrafted for all pecuni- ary Intereft , the Work will never be carry 'd on with that 'Sincerity that is ne- ceflary, nor ill Perfons daily correfted where Money Ihall Bribe off Punilhment. The Plague of Poverty in a little time will creep into many a Cuckold's Family, where the Wife wears the Breeches, infomuch that the good Woman will rnn away to avoid the 192 A Comical VIE W of the Contagion^ and leave her poor Hufband to be fliut up in Wodd-Jlreet^ or the 'Poultery- Hofpital 5 where it is ten to one, but he will at laft Perifli under this Beggarly Pefti- ience: Therefore the beft Prefervative againftt his Diftemper, is, for him to keep the StaflF in his ouai Hand 5 that is, dif- fpatch his Bufinefs himfelf,and keep his Mo- ney in his own Counting-houfe , left, tho' a Woman be Honett, ftie may want Prudence, Or if feeming Predent, flie may want Hone- fty: And let every Shop-keeper remember this, whoever has his Wife by the Heart, if it fee in her Power, may, if he pleafes, have the Money-box by the Handle.^ The Charafter of a Barren Adultrefs. w ^O T and Infatiahk as the thirjly Sand, That drinks all tip, hut is a frmtM Land^ So her dry Womb mhihes the Balmy Showr, Pleased mth each Blifsfd Drop^ fiill covets wore, Andfee77}s next Minute drouthy as before. Swears to each labouring Slave, mth vfkom fhe^s frce^ She Inoivs no Mortal, hut her Lord, and he : Tet to the fond believi'^g Cuckold, vows JSi'o Man eer Kif her hut her orvn dear Spoufe : Barren her Wcntb, diffatisfyd her Life^ A Uflful Miftrefi and a Faithlefs Wife. FINIS. } ^wiHF^,