DUKE UNIVERSITY LIBK,ARY 
 DURHAM, N. C 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 in 2015 
 
 https://archive.org/details/gemsofprosepoetr01aike 
 
G E M S 
 
 OF 
 
 Prose and Poetry, 
 
 THE FRUITS OF LEISURE HOUIiS. 
 
 ARRANGED WITH A VIEW OF ASSISTING THE MEMORY, PRO- 
 MOTING METHODICAL HABITS, AND ACCUMULATING 
 A FUND OF KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 In reading authors, should you And 
 Choice passages that strike your mind. 
 And which no doubt yoti may have reason 
 To think on at another season ; 
 Rest n.it contented with the sight. 
 But take them down in black and white. 
 
 Should frequent beauties strike the reader's view, 
 Pray do not quarrel for a fault or two. 
 But pardon imperfections in such men 
 As faults of human nature and the pen." 
 
 FKOM; the MANtrsCREPTS OF 
 
 JAMES R. AIKEN, 
 
 OF SOUTH CAROLINA. 
 " Julavii meminisse hmc siudia c;?!m."— Viegtl. 
 
 TsEW YOEK : 
 J^MES Mrr^JLER, P'lo.bli slier, 
 Wi>rNSBORo, S. C. : 
 
 McMASTER & BRICE, AGENTS. 
 
 1876. 
 
V 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1876, 
 BY JAMES MILLER. 
 
 Lange, Little & Co., 
 Printers, Elcctrotypers aud Bookbinders, 
 Nos. lu t) M Astor Place, 
 New York. 
 
IXTEODUCTIOX. 
 
 As wise a man as Lord Bacon lias said, that, 
 *'meu of long experience "uitliout learning liare 
 often jiroved of more benefit to society tlian learned 
 men without experience.'' I am not vain enough 
 to flatter myself with the idea that either my 
 learning or experience has ever benefited any one, 
 not even myself; yet what I hare learned in the 
 journey of life convinces me that it requires no 
 ordinary degree of observation to discover that our 
 experience of human nature is too often attained 
 by the purchase of time, fortune, and even reputa- 
 tion. 
 
 Fully convinced of this idea, and yet more 
 strongly impressed with the conviction as a man 
 of business, whose associations have been more or 
 less with men in every relation of hfe, I determined 
 at times to take advantage of leisure moments, in 
 committmg to manuscript what might enable me 
 
 " To eye nanire's walks, shoot folly as it flies, 
 And catch the living manners, as they early rise." 
 
 To attain this purpose I have from time to time 
 set down,' for future reference, brief passages, trite 
 
 1 P:P:Q/^ P. 
 
4 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 sentences, appropriate references, axioms, maxims, 
 etc., which contained ideas that might be of some 
 benefit to myself, if not to others. Whether the 
 effort will prove beneficial or not is left entirely to 
 the judgment of those who may feel disposed to 
 criticise the task which I have undertaken. I am 
 aware it is a hazard on my part to play the 
 author, even with a limited and imperfect knowl- 
 edge of human nature ; to commit, for the edifica- 
 tion and instruction of others, "thoughts that 
 breathe, or words that burn," whether in prose, 
 poetry, fact, or fiction. I think, however, a care- 
 ful perusal, without prejudice, of this humble 
 effort, will afford an impartial reader some 
 thoughts for reflection, that may, if properly appre- 
 ciated, improve tlieir manners, aid in conversation, 
 increase their pleasure, strengthen their morals, 
 and, I hope, promote their temporal and eternal 
 happiness. 
 
 I claim the indulgent consideration of the 
 reader in stating that many of tlie ideas suggested 
 are not entirely original, as the emanations of my 
 own brain, but taken in part; and in many in- 
 stances, from tlie views and opinions of others, 
 yet more or less analyzed, and/ frequently j^ara- 
 phrased, as I verily believe, without egotism, to a 
 better appreciation and application to modern 
 society. As far as my limited reading from the 
 resources of a private library have been permitted, 
 and from other sources of a common literature, I 
 have, in every paragraph, attempted to "'sift the 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 5 
 
 wheat from the chaff," and so to arrange the order 
 tliat the scholar, the statesman, the orator, editor, 
 lawyer, or divine, might the more readily find a 
 ready reference to such subjects as might be of ap- 
 propriate application in expressing his own ideas. 
 The young readers, too, of both sexes, may also 
 find some very valuable and appropriate texts for 
 their especial use, if not to enrich their minds 
 with knowledge, certainly to please their fancy. 
 
 In the commencement of this work (many years 
 since), having not the remotest idea of publishing a 
 book of this kind, but little attention was paid to 
 the source from which many of the selected scraps, 
 or extracts, were taken ; consequently, some of the 
 authors have not been given; but in every instance, 
 as far as memory serves, proper quotation marks 
 will be found, to indicate what is not original. 
 The book contains more than a thousand separate 
 and distinct pieces, of which one-half, at least, 
 have been written and compiled during the past 
 year, in moments and hours taken from business, 
 under influences of a peculiar nature, and which 
 would be of no interest for the reader to learn. 
 
 The practical, statistical, and historical facts in- 
 troduced, are only recorded as being useful for 
 future reference. 
 
 In conclusion, suffice it to say, dear reader, tlie ~" 
 book is now before you. So far as regards the 
 
 scintillations " of my own brain, they are scat- 
 tered through the whole compilation, and for them 
 I have no further apology to make, except it be to 
 
6 
 
 INTEODUCTION, 
 
 tlie opinions of those who are competent to decide 
 upon their literary merits. 
 
 There is "nothing extenuate, nor set down 
 aught in malice ; " not a line has been written to 
 gratify or displease any one but myself ; and it has 
 been only at the suggestion of friends that I have 
 consented to the publication. If the book meets 
 their approbation, and the good opinion of others 
 whose favorable consideration I am solicitous to 
 obtain, then I shall be satisfied ; and to those who, 
 upon a careful perusal, may think otherwise, I have 
 only to say, in all sincerity, Try your tiand^ Icind 
 friend ; make the effort to write a tooTc ; perhaps, 
 you may secure for yourself a niche in the temple 
 of fame^^erAajJS not^ — but should you fail, poster- 
 ity will, at least, engrave on the wrong side of your 
 tomb-stone, as a titlejoage, 
 
 " 'Tis pleasant, sure, to see one's name in print, 
 A book's a book, altho' there's uoiMng in't." 
 
 J. R. A. 
 
 So. Ca., June 1, 1876. 
 
OEIGIXAL 
 SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 ABSENCE. 
 
 "When all that in absence vre dread 
 
 Is past, and forgotten the pain, 
 
 How sweet is the tear at such moments we shed, 
 
 When we see our sweetheart again." — Willis. 
 
 "Xow, since thy graceful form has gone, 
 Thine absence each emotion smothers. 
 For what I sought in thee alone, 
 In truth I cannot lind in others ; 
 So fare thee well, my dearest maid, 
 'Tis rain and fruitless to regret thee ; 
 iSTo hope nor memory yields me aid, 
 Yet pride may teacli me to forget thee." 
 
 "Yet now and then a thought will steal. 
 In spite of every vain endeavor : 
 Does Emma know the pangs I feel ? 
 Believing that she's lost forever." — Bums. 
 
8 ORIOINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 ABUNDANCE. 
 
 What does any man want wh6 has abundance, or 
 what is he the better off for more, if never satis- 
 fied? 
 
 ACTIONS. 
 
 All our actions in this world are judged by oui 
 fellow man, but the consequences of a final verdict 
 will be given by the Judge of Heaven. 
 
 ADIEU. 
 
 "And now, fair ladies, one and all, adieu. 
 
 Good health, good husbands, and good-by to you." 
 
 — WaUon. 
 
 ADVERSITY. 
 
 " In this wide word, the fondest and the best 
 Are ofttimes tried; most troubled and distressed." 
 
 — Crdbbe. 
 
 ADVERTISE. 
 
 Merchants, "you should never let" 
 
 Your advertising rest ; 
 Your dirty liands were never made 
 
 To hang into your vest. 
 
 ADVICE. 
 
 Advice is often dispensed at wholesale, but more 
 generally taken at retail. 
 
OEIGIKAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 9 
 
 Whene'er you are in doubt — 
 
 Said a man I once knew — 
 Twixt two lines of conduct, 
 
 Which course to pursue, 
 Ask a woman's opinion, 
 
 And whatever she advise, 
 Take the contrary course, 
 
 And you are sure to be wise. 
 
 *'Come, come," said Tom's father, "at your time 
 of life, 
 
 There's no longer excuse for playing the rake, 
 It is time you should think, boy, of taking a wife." 
 " Well, so it is, father — ^but whose shall I take ? " 
 
 Don't think too much of money, 
 
 But learn to work and plan ; 
 Use honesty in every shape, 
 
 And hoard up all you can: 
 'Tis the fool who boasts of riches. 
 
 His dollars, dimes, or pence, 
 The best of wealth is youth and health, 
 
 With good sound common sense. 
 
 "Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice. 
 Hear each one's counsel, but reserve thy choice." 
 
 AFFECTATION. 
 
 Affectation, with a full supply of chalk and paint, 
 has ruined more pretty faces than the small-pox. 
 
10 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 AGE, 
 
 " 01(1 as I am, for ladies' love unfit, 
 The power of beauty I remeLaber yet. 
 For when I saw you, Cupid shot a dart 
 "Which gave a wound I still feel in my heart. 
 
 — Dryden. 
 
 The greatest comfort of. old age is the pleasing 
 remembrance of the many benefits and favors done 
 to others during youth and manhood. 
 
 "Our age to seventy years is set, — 
 Tho' short the time, how rarely met! 
 Yet if to eighty we arrive. 
 We toil in pain — yet wish to live." 
 
 Old age, cradled in piety and matured by faith, 
 is but the childhood of immortality. 
 
 Every returning birthday is another milestone 
 in the journey of life. 
 
 AGREEABLE. 
 
 The true secret of being agreeable in company 
 is to appear well pleased with all the company, and 
 to be well entertained with the idea that you are 
 entertaining others agreeably. 
 
 "He that can please nobody is not so much to 
 be pitied as he whom nobody can please. " 
 
ORIGINAL AXD SELECTED SEilARKS. H 
 
 A.LPHABET. 
 
 English 
 
 Alphabet 
 
 contains 26 
 
 French 
 
 
 23 
 
 Italian 
 
 u 
 
 ' 20 
 
 Spanish 
 
 u 
 
 27 
 
 German 
 
 ' i i 
 
 " 26 
 
 Russian 
 
 4 ; 
 
 " 41 
 
 Persian 
 
 li 
 
 " 32 
 
 Turkish 
 
 u 
 
 33 
 
 Latin 
 
 ( ( 
 
 " 22 
 
 Greek 
 
 u 
 
 . " - 24 
 
 Hebrew 
 
 a 
 
 ' ' 22 
 
 Arabic 
 
 11 
 
 28 
 
 Sanscrit 
 
 I i 
 
 50 
 
 Chinese 
 
 ( ( 
 
 2U 
 
 AMBITION, 
 
 " Tis Touug ambition's ladder 
 "Whereto the climber turns his face; 
 But when he once attains the upmost round, 
 He to the ladder turns his back, 
 Looks to the clouds, and scorns the base degrees 
 By which he did ascend." — Sliakesjjeare, 
 
 "I am the founder of my own fortunes. I date 
 mr predigree. not from musty parchments or 
 worm-eaten rolls of heraldry, but from myself, and 
 myself alone — I am the first of my line," — yajjoleon. 
 
12 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 " 'Tis like a circle in the water, 
 Which never ceases to enlarge itself, 
 Till by expanding it destroys its aim 
 And vanishes in naught." — Shakespeare. 
 
 The ambitious man, too covetous of fame, 
 
 Too full of hery metal in his frame, 
 
 How oft he strays from virtue's sacred ways. 
 
 When drunk with honor or debauched with praise. 
 
 AMERICA. 
 
 ' ' Let it be a truth engraven on our hearts, that 
 we are one, united and entire ; let it be borne on 
 the stars and strijDes, that glorious banner under 
 which we rally in every exigency, that we have 
 but " one country, " "one constitution," "one 
 destiny. " — Webster. 
 
 "If this great western sun should be struck out 
 of the firmament, at what other fountain could the 
 lamp of liberty be illumined ? What other orb 
 could even emit a ray of freedom, to glimmer on 
 the darkness of the world ? " — Wehster. 
 
 "Before the year 1900, the population of 
 America will be more than equal to the inhabit- 
 ants of all Europe. When her Whigs are thus 
 multiplied, let all the princes of the earth tremble 
 in their palaces." — Dr. SamH Johnson^ 1779. 
 
ORIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 13 
 
 AMEHICAN GENIUS. 
 
 "Franklin established liis reputation as a genins 
 throughout the land ; Fulton made the broad 
 bosom of the ooean the theater of his fame ; whilst 
 Morse now writes his immortality with the light- 
 nmgs of heaven.'''' 
 
 AMIABILITY. 
 
 There are some men who can deny a favor so 
 graciously as to please us in the refusal ; whilst others 
 confer an obligation so rudely as to disgust us in 
 their kindness. 
 
 AMUSEMENTS. 
 
 If the enemies of innocent amusements had the 
 control of worldly matters, they would deprive 
 youtli of its spring, middle age of its summer, man- 
 Jiood of autumn, and crush oM age with the icicles 
 of winter. 
 
 ANAGRAMS. 
 
 Astronomers — " Moon starers. " 
 Breakfast— ' ' Fat bakers. " 
 Christianity — " It's in Charity." 
 Democratical — " Comical trade." 
 Embargo — ^" O, grab me." 
 Elegant — "Neat leg." 
 Encyclopedia — "A nice cold pie." 
 
14 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Festival— "Evil fast." 
 Gallantries — "All gre^t sin," 
 Impatient — " Time in a pet." 
 Lawyers — " Sly ware." 
 Matrimony — "Into my arm." 
 Melodrama — "Made moral." 
 Miniature — " True, I am in." 
 Misanthrope — " Spare him not." 
 Monarch — ' ' March on. " 
 Parishioners — "I hire parsons." 
 Parliament — "Partial men." 
 Pedagogue — "See a pug dog." 
 Penitentiary — " N'ay, I repent it." 
 Presbyterian — " Best in prayer." 
 Punishment — " Mne thumps." 
 Revolution — " To love ruin." 
 Solemnity— "Yes, Milton." 
 Sub-treasurer — "A sure burster." 
 Sweetheart — "'Inhere we sat." 
 Telegraphs — "Great helps." 
 Wealth— "The law." 
 
 ANCESTRY. 
 
 " Superior worth your rank requires, 
 
 For this mankind reveres your sires ; 
 
 If you degenerate from your race, 
 
 Their merit hightens your disgrace." — Gay, 
 
OEiaiNAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 15 
 
 " The man who prides himself of a long line of 
 ancestry, of whose merits he is unworthy, is like a 
 potato-|)lant, the best part is under ground. 
 
 ANGER. 
 
 "Of all the ills by which mankind are cursed, 
 Their own bad tempers surely are the worst." 
 
 — Cuinberland. 
 
 
 
 ANTIGITJITY. 
 
 "All men are fond of tracing back their family 
 records, but never consider that there is a point in 
 which they become related to a band of thieves 
 and robbers." 
 
 APOSTLES. 
 
 Andrew was crucified. 
 Barnnbas was stoned to death. 
 Bartholomew was skinned alive. 
 James (great) was beheaded. 
 James (less) was thrown from a pinnacle. 
 John was put in a pot of boiling oil. 
 Jude was shot with arrows. 
 Luke was hanged. 
 
 Mark was dragged through Alexandria, 
 Matthew was martyred in Ethiopia. 
 
16 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Matthias was stoned to death. 
 Paul was beheaded. 
 
 Peter was crucified with his head downward. 
 
 Philip was beheaded. 
 
 Simon was crucified. 
 
 Thomas was pierced with a spear. 
 
 APPEARANCE. 
 
 The charms of life, like a deceitful dream, 
 Not oft as beautiful as what they seem ; 
 Appearance will betray, for, understand, 
 A pure white glove may hide a filthy hand. 
 
 APPETITE. 
 
 *'The shortest road to people's hearts, I find, 
 Lies through their throats, or I mistake mankind ; 
 Their several cares in one great point combine. 
 The business of their lives — What hour to dine ? " 
 
 — Young. 
 
 " The chief end of man," the hungry sinner. 
 Since Eve ate apples — is a good dinner. 
 
 ART. 
 
 No cosmetics, no art of dress, no studied adjust- 
 ment of lights and shadows, can adorn the human 
 form like good health, accompanied with moder* 
 
ORIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 17 
 
 ate exercise; 'tis this alone which blends them all 
 in jDerfection in. the face of the immortal. 
 
 ARTIFICE. 
 
 Maidens in vain their pretty e5'es may roll; 
 Charms please the sight, but merit wins the soul; 
 'Tis not the chalk or paint — for both decay, 
 And dark or flaxen curls will turn to gray ; 
 Use no deception, girls, for all must fade, 
 And she who cheats a man must die a maid. 
 
 ASSOCIATION, 
 
 Dear friend, you have told me, go mix with mankind ; 
 
 But linust deny such a precept as wise; 
 As seclusion accords with the tone of my mind, 
 
 I cannot descend to a world I despise. 
 
 ATOMS. 
 
 "All nature's great developments are made 
 From microscopic atoms, form, and shade: 
 This should remind us, that many little things 
 Produce abundance and contentment brings. 
 Our Saviour did himself the lesson give, 
 That ' ' nothing should be lost " on which we live. 
 When the great feast of miracles was stayed, 
 Twelve overflowing baskets still were made. 
 Just so with scraps of wisdom which we find 
 In books or by experience — if we mind 
 To hoard them up, if not too much in haste, 
 A fund of knowledge we'll obtain at last. " 
 
18 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 ATJTHOH. 
 
 He only is entitled to be kno>vn as an author, wlio 
 writes something that others never thought of ; or 
 enlarges and improves upon ideas with more feel- 
 ing, poetry, sentiment, or wit, which others never 
 wrote upon, if worthy of notice. 
 
 AVARICE. 
 
 "Who, lord of millions, trembles for his store. 
 And fears to give a farthing to the poor; 
 He dreads that penury will be his fate. 
 And, scowling, looks on charity with hate." 
 
 — Wolcot. 
 
 BABY. 
 
 A coupon due to a marriage hond, payable nine 
 months after contract, and received without pro- 
 test. 
 
 BACHELOR. 
 
 A whimsical being, made out of the odds and 
 ends, the chips and scraps, left by nature after the 
 great work of creating man and wife was accom- 
 plished ; of as much use to women as the odd half 
 of a pair of scissors. 
 
 BALL. 
 
 Of all who did dance 'twere a long tale to tell, 
 Of flounces or dresses, or who was the belle; 
 
OBIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMABKS. 
 
 19 
 
 For each one was happy, and all were so fair, 
 That night passed away, and the dawn caught 
 them there ; 
 
 "When, wearied and tired, they put ofi their graces, 
 And strolled oS forborne, to wash their dear faces; 
 Then take a good nap, and talk, one and all, 
 Of the pleasure enjoyed at the Calico ball. 
 
 BAR-ROOM. 
 
 "In every town you find a house for prayer, 
 ISTot far away you'll see a bar-room near, 
 But 'twill be found, on close examination, 
 The latter has. the largest congregation." 
 
 BASHPTJLNESS. 
 
 " Before her face her handkerchief she spread, 
 To hide the flood of tears — she did not shed." 
 
 — Pope. 
 
 BATTLE, 
 
 "Victors and yanquished join, promiscuous cries, 
 Exulting shouts, and dying groans arise ; 
 With streaming blood the grassy fields are dyed, 
 And friends and foes are mingled in the tide." 
 
 The falhng shot, the bursting shell, 
 The war-cloud's leaden rain; 
 
 A perfect mimicry of Hell 
 Is seen upon the battle plain. 
 
20 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 'Tis the fate of the soldier, so stand by your arms; 
 
 Soon or late, death will take, us in tow; 
 Each bullet has got its fearful alarms, 
 
 But when the time comes we must go. 
 Be merry, my boys,' drown fear and sorrow; 
 
 To the Yankees we never will yield ; 
 Though to-day we are safe, on the morrow, 
 
 Perliaj)S, we may be shot on the field. 
 
 BEAUTY. 
 
 "I admit you are handsome, but still I should 
 guess 
 
 That others are handsome as you ; 
 I've heard you called charming, but you must 
 
 confers 
 
 That all things we hear are not true." — Watson. 
 
 "With graceful ease and sweetness, void of pride, 
 She hides her faults— if she has faults to hide; 
 If to her charms some female errors fall, 
 Look in her eyes, and you'll forget them all." 
 
 Thou art beautiful, Miss Emma, 
 But I need not tell you this; 
 
 I am caught in a dilemma 
 By a spell of loveliness. 
 
 "The charms of beauty are as transient as the 
 hectic flush which tinges the cheek of disease, and 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 21 
 
 the distinctions won in the court of Fashion are as 
 fitful as the gleam of a meteor." 
 
 "Beauty's a doubtful good, a gloss, a flower, 
 Lost, faded, broken, dead within an hour; 
 And beauty blemished once, for ever's lost, 
 In spite of physic, painting, pain, or cost." 
 
 — 8hal:espeare. 
 
 "For every block of marble holds a Yenus, 
 With nothing but unchiseled stone between us." 
 
 — Byron. 
 
 "Without a smile from partial beauty won, 
 Pray, what is man — a world without a sun." 
 
 — Campbell. 
 
 As long as the world has such lips and such eyes, 
 As before me this moment enraptured I see, 
 
 They may say what they will of the stars in the skies, 
 But this earth has a planet sufficient for me. 
 
 She's neither Violet or Rose, 
 
 Nor Hyacinth or Daisy; 
 But all combined in one bouquet, 
 
 Her beauty has amazed me. 
 
 "I long not for those cherries on the tree, 
 
 So much as those which on thy lips I see, 
 
 And more affection have I for the rose 
 
 That' s on thy cheek — than in the garden grows." 
 
 — Randolph. 
 
22 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 'Tis heaven that gives to thee thy form and grace, 
 And plants an angel in thy sweet young face. 
 
 BEAU. *^ 
 
 They that have never seen him, yet admire 
 What has been heard of him, and much desire 
 To have his company, and hear him tell, 
 Some wonderful exploit He done so well. 
 
 ''Rich poult de soie and darege Anglais^ 
 
 With petticoats frilled around the knee; 
 Alpaca, cashmere, or dmp d'' eU^ 
 
 Or an elegant organdie ; 
 A parasol tiny, or a small rattan, 
 
 Bootee of patent leather, 
 A Panama hat, a Chinese fan. 
 
 For a bonnet an ostrich feather; 
 A gorgeous dress, five dollars a yard, 
 
 Of an exquisite greenish silk. 
 With laces and muslin, all the rage, 
 
 As white and as pure as milk." 
 
 BIBLE. 
 
 Be this your study and your chief delight, 
 
 Read it by day, but meditate at night; 
 
 Its happy prece^Dts to yourself apply, 
 
 That you may live as you would wish to die. 
 
 The Bible contains 66 books, 1,189 chapters, 
 31,173 verses, and was written by fifty diiferent 
 authors. 
 
ORIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 23 
 
 " Within tMs sacred volume lies 
 The mystery of mysteries ; 
 But better had they ne"er been born 
 TTho read to doubt, oi read to scorn." 
 
 " The offspring of sanctified intellect, conceived 
 in the councils of Eternal TVisdom; through life it 
 pours the balm of heaven into the wounded heart, 
 and in the hour of death, blazing vith the luster 
 of Jehovah's glory, sheds the light of immortality 
 upon the darkness of the tomb." 
 
 '•I would sooner undertake to convince an infi- 
 del of the truths of the Bible, than, by a course of 
 reasoning, to prove its authenticity." — Henry. 
 
 "Heaven is not more spangled with stars than 
 the TTord of God with the refulgent promises of 
 ids love." 
 
 In all the journey of life. 
 
 Xo matter which way we turn, 
 "VTe can always find in the Word of God 
 
 Some u.seful lessons to learn. 
 
 BIGOTRY. 
 
 "Mad as Christians used to be 
 
 Ahout the thirteenth century, 
 
 There's lots of bigots to be had 
 
 In this, the nineteenth, just as bad." — Jfoare, 
 
24 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 BIRTH. 
 
 "My boast is not that I deduce my birth 
 From wealth, or state, or rulers od the earth, 
 But higher far my proud pretensions rise, 
 The son of parents passed beyond the skies.-' 
 
 — Cowper. 
 
 BLASPHEMY. 
 
 "Improper words admit of no defense, — 
 A want of decency is want of sense." — Fojpe. 
 
 BLISS. 
 
 " There's a bliss beyond all that the minstrel has 
 told, 
 
 When two that are linked in a heavenly tie. 
 With hearts never changing, or brow ever cold, 
 Love on through this life — love on till they die." 
 
 — Moore, 
 
 " If there is happiness on earth, 
 
 A fellow knows it when 
 He's been away from home a week, 
 
 And then gets back again. " 
 
 If there is happiness on earth, 
 
 A place where bliss is found, 
 'Tis when a fellow meets liis girl 
 
 And hugs her all around. 
 
 BOOKS, 
 
 Were it possible to reduce every book to its 
 quintessence, many an author would appear in a 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 25 
 
 penny sheet, while millions of volumes would be 
 utterly annihilated. 
 
 "Many books owe their success, not so much to 
 the good memory of those who wrote them, as to 
 the bad memory of those who read them." 
 
 "The monuments of mind;- sweet solaces of daily 
 life; proofs of immortality; trees yielding fruit, 
 whose leaves are for the healing of all nations; 
 tables of knowledge, where all may eat, nor ever 
 fear a surfeit. " 
 
 ' ' 'Tis pleasant sure to see one's name in print, 
 A book's a book — altho' there's nothing in't." 
 Of making many books there is no end, 
 Alas I how many to no good purpose tend. 
 Perhaps, dear friend, this very book, indeed, 
 Confirms the sentence which above you read. 
 
 There are more persons who read books of 
 worldly matters than buy them, and there are more 
 who buy books of devotion than read them. 
 
 May every precept here a blessing be. 
 
 To those who read this book compiled by me; 
 
 And may each reader have no cause to say, 
 
 " J/y money's lost ! I'll throw the book away; " 
 
 But may it some persuade, who go astray. 
 
 And turn, their thoughts from every evil way. 
 
26 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMAEKS. 
 
 BUN Y AN. 
 
 "The Bible has been compared to a fountain of 
 milk, of which every one can drink to their heart's 
 content, but it was the good fortune of Bunyan to 
 collect the cream, which he offers to every thirsty 
 soul in "The Pilgrim's Progress." 
 
 BUSINESS. 
 
 Some men think business consists in holding on 
 to what you can get, unlawfully, and refusing to 
 give up what is not your own, in accordance with 
 law. 
 
 CALHOUN, JNO. C. 
 
 "When parties and partisans have passed away; 
 when petty schemes and political rivalries are for- 
 gotten, posterity will pass its unbiased judgment 
 upon the great drama; then will the lofty patriot- 
 ism, the stern integrity, and commanding abilities 
 of John C. Calhoun stand out in bold relief, un- 
 scathed by the shafts of malice, to stamjD him — 
 *The Statesman of the Age.' " 
 
 CANDOR. 
 
 "With pleasure let us own our errors past, 
 And make each day a critic on the last.*' — Popd. 
 
 CARE, 
 
 There are three modes of bearing the ills of life; 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 27 
 
 by stolid indifference, tlie most common ; by philos- 
 ophy and reason, the most ostentatious; by reli- 
 gion, which is the most effectual. 
 
 "Here's a sigh for those who love me, 
 
 And a smile for those who hate 
 For whatever may befall me 
 
 I have a heart for every fate." — Byron. 
 
 Care to our cofSn adds a nail no doubt. 
 
 But every time we smile w^e draw one out ; 
 
 If this be true, the man who never sighs 
 
 Should split his sides with mirth — he never dies. 
 
 If the heart of a man is depressed with care, 
 To dispel it at once, let a woman appear, 
 Take hold of her hand, and give her a kiss. 
 And care is immediately changed into bliss. 
 
 " Care that has entered once into the breast, 
 Will have the whole possession ere it rest." 
 
 — Johnson. 
 
 But can a noble mind forever brood, 
 The willing victim of 9, weary mood, 
 On heartless cares that squander life away, 
 And cloud a genius briglit'ning into day ! 
 
 CABOLINA, SOUTH. 
 
 "The land of my birth, Heaven's blessings attend 
 her I 
 
28 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS 
 
 While I live I will cherish ; yes, love and defend 
 her; 
 
 Though others may sneer, and in envy defame her. 
 My heart swells with gladness whenever I name 
 her." — Gaston. 
 
 "The renown of her soldiers is proven by the 
 blood-stained folds of her tattered banner; their 
 highest eulogy is : they left no names on the 
 records of a court-martial, but in one campaign 
 they left two-thirds of a thousand men on the plains 
 of Mexico." — Jno. Preston. 
 
 "When the rights of Carolina are invaded, and 
 the war blast shall sound to arms, he who mounts 
 his charger to avenge her wrongs, sooner than I, 
 must rise by the dim twilight of the morning star, 
 and whet his sabre before the dawn of day." 
 
 — Jas. Hamilton. 
 
 CATEGORY. 
 
 Which is the girl that I love best? 
 
 For I see a score around me. 
 Some brunette, and some are fair. 
 In the dance that now surrounds me. 
 Great Heavens! what can I do? 
 
 Or whorh shall I love best? 
 I'm half inclined to take some one 
 Whose smiles would give me rest. 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED RE^LARKS. 29 
 
 Here's one "with fair white arms, 
 
 She never would forsake me. 
 Through all life's ills, or harms, 
 I wonder if she'd take me? 
 
 My doubt grows strong and stronger. 
 
 Who answers to my call? 
 For if I pause much longer, 
 I'm sure I'll love them — all. 
 
 CATERPILLAR. 
 
 I'm in my dishabille, 'tis true, 
 
 'Tis often so, dear girl, with you ; 
 
 When I become a butterfly. 
 
 In colors, then with you I'll vie ; 
 
 Let not this thought your mind perplex, 
 
 I'm a true emblem of your sex. 
 
 CHARMS. 
 
 Let others say how much they prize. 
 
 Charms that adorn the fair, 
 The rosy cheek or sparkling eyes, 
 
 The blonde or brunette hair; 
 'Tis not the bust or polished arm 
 
 Could my approval win. 
 But a lively animated form. 
 
 With a noble mind within. 
 
 CHARACTER. 
 
 A certain degree of self-respect is one of the best 
 securities against moral degradation. 
 
80 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 (Doubtful.) A man, whose reputation was un- 
 known yesterday, exists only to-day, without any 
 hojpe of being remembered to-morrow. 
 
 "With or without offense to friends or foes, 
 
 I'll sketch the world, exactly as it goes." — Byron. 
 
 In our intercourse with men, how many we find 
 whom the opinion of the world, or some mere cir- 
 cumstance of good fortune, has placed them in a 
 much higher position than they deserve, when the 
 truth in the abstract convinces us they are not only 
 fools, but knaves and hypocrites. 
 
 If all men were honest and candid in the expres- 
 sion of their own opinions of human nature, they 
 would confess that, whilst they knew of themselves 
 enough to secure friends, they should also know 
 enough of others to find out they have enemies. 
 
 CHARACTEKISTICS, 
 
 A kind Providence has given us two eyes, but one 
 tongue ; the inference is, that we should see twice 
 as much as we say ; but there are many men born 
 with two tongues and only one eye, if we are to 
 judge them by what they say and see. 
 
ORIQIXAL AND SELE:TEB REMARKS. 31 
 
 Cruel men are the greatest lovers of mercy ; ava- 
 ricious men, of generosity ; proud men, of humility 
 — i. e. — in others, not in themselves. 
 
 "In all thy manners, whether grave or mellow, 
 Thou'rt such a jovial, witty, pleasant fellow. 
 With so much fun, and jokes, and mirth about you, 
 I don't see how the girls can live without you." 
 
 — Martial. 
 
 The charms of wit excite admiration ; those of 
 the heart impress esteem; hut it is the beauty of 
 the face that provokes love. 
 
 Mankind are generally classified in three parts : 
 "Those who will; " "those who won't;" "those 
 who can't." The first accomplish everything; the 
 second oppose everything, and the third fail in 
 everything. 
 
 'Tis not what we eat, but what we digest, that 
 makes us strong; not what we gain, but what we 
 save, that makes us rich ; not what we read, but 
 what we remember, that makes us wise ; and not 
 what we profess, but what we practice, that makes 
 us Christians. 
 
83 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 CENSURE. . 
 
 When you feel inclined to censure 
 Acts of others which you know, 
 
 Ask your conscience, ere you venture, 
 If it has not failings too? 
 
 CENTENNIAIi. 
 
 The dress, in the year '76 that was worn, 
 Is forgotten and lost, and new fashions are born ; 
 *Tis at the Centennial all prices advance, 
 And we take all our fashions from England or 
 France, 
 
 With a hundred silk dresses, and velvets a score. 
 And a thousand small ornaments, just as before; 
 A jacket or cloak, as fancies prevail, 
 Strung with beads or with flowers, to embroider 
 the tail, 
 
 A pin-back of course, stoekings striped to the knees, 
 Leaving men to imagine just what they please ; 
 A bonnet as large as a butterfly's wing, 
 Pinned on to the hair, or tied with a string ; 
 Add now to such nonsense a smile or a nod, 
 When at the Centennial you'll bethought "a-la 
 mode. " 
 
 CHARITY. 
 
 Charity, after death, to those who would give 
 nothing while living, is but bequeathing a fund to 
 erect a monument to selfishness. 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 33 
 
 Such is the chanty of some men, that they "owe 
 no man " ill-will, always making payment in ad- 
 vance. 
 
 To others let me always give, 
 What I from others would receive : 
 Good deeds for evil ones return, 
 Nor, if provoked, with anger burn. 
 
 — WatU. 
 
 Some men are so charitable, that, if they meet a 
 beggar on one wooden leg, they will still reserve 
 their alms until they meet another with two., as the 
 most worthy. 
 
 If universal charity prevailed, earth would prove 
 "a heaven begun below," but hell would be a 
 mystery and a fable. 
 
 In all distresses of our friends, 
 
 We first consult our private ends, 
 
 A dime to charity we give. 
 
 But grasp a dollar., on to live; 
 
 This consolation thus we take, 
 
 The Lord requires "one-tenth we make." 
 
 "Let generous charity adorn your zeal. 
 
 The noblest impulse virtuous minds can feel. " — Rill. 
 
34 ORIGIN' AL AND SELECTED BEMARKS. 
 
 CHART. 
 
 If any man, who has reached the period of throe 
 score years and ten, was given a chart of his life 
 by the recording angel, he would find the blots and 
 "errata" so numerous as to prevent the discovery 
 of what was pure and good. 
 
 CHASTITY. 
 
 ' ' Bid me leap from off the battlements of yonder 
 tower, or lurk where serpents are ; chain me with 
 roaring lions ; shut me nightly in a charnel-house, 
 covered with dead men's bones ; or hide me in a 
 shroud, and bid me go into a new-made grave — 
 tilings, that to hear them told, have often made 
 me tremble ! 
 
 Yet, all this I'll do, without a fear to move, 
 To live a wife, of chastity and love." 
 
 CHEERFULNESS. 
 
 "With mirth and laughter, let old wrinkles come, 
 Yet let my liver rather heat with wine, 
 Than my heart cool with mortifying gloom. " 
 
 — Shalcspea-e. 
 
 CHILDREN. 
 
 "Train up a child in the way he should go," 
 but first go in the way you would train up the 
 child. 
 
OBIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 35 
 
 Every child that comes into the world is a dele- 
 gated prophet, to herald good tidings, and "to turn 
 the hearts of the fathers to the children, and to 
 draw the disobedient to the wisdom of the just." 
 
 CHIVAILIIY. 
 
 " Could deeds my heart discover, 
 Could valor gain your charms, 
 
 I'd prove myself your lover 
 Against a world in arms." 
 
 CHIlISTIAm.TY. 
 
 We should embrace Christianity, even on motives 
 of prudence ; for if it be false, we cannot be injured 
 in believing it; but if true, an awful destiny in re- 
 jecting it. 
 
 Tliere is nothing noble and generous in human 
 character, nothing amiable and virtuous in society, 
 nothing just and honorable in politics, which is 
 not brought out and develope'd in the Christian 
 religion. 
 
 ■ With one half of the world, civilization has led 
 to Christianity ; whilst in the other half, Christian- 
 ity is loading to civilization. 
 
36 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 CIGAR. 
 
 "Alone, I've yet one solace left, 
 
 Which cheers my broken heart. 
 And in that thought a thousand hopes 
 
 Come springing into birth. 
 How beautiful the vision seems. 
 
 Amidst life's troubled cares, 
 To drink a glass of good champagne 
 
 And smoke the best cigars." — McGdbe. 
 
 Should wicked thoughts your visions mar, 
 Sit down and smoke a good cigar ; 
 Lean back your head, throw up your heels, 
 And dream away of " Elysian " fields. 
 
 COMMANDMENTS. 
 
 P, R, S, V, R, Y, P, R, F, C, T, M, N, V, R, 
 K, P, T, H, S, P, R, C, P, T, S, T, N. 
 Use the letter E, and decipher : 
 
 "Persevere ye perfect men, 
 Ever keep these precepts ten." 
 
 COMPASSION. 
 
 Compassion proper to mankind appears, 
 Which nature witnessed when she gave us tears; 
 To show by pitying looks and melting eyes, 
 How with a suffering friend we sympathize. 
 
 Who can all sense of others' ills escape ? 
 Is but a brute, at best, in human shape. 
 
I 
 
 OP.IGIXAL Ayi) SELECTED EEMAEKS. 37 
 
 COXPLAIN. 
 
 Though life to some is a pleasant dream 
 
 Or oft'tunes mixed with sorrow. 
 And though the clouds seem dark lo-daj 
 They may clear o5 to-morrow. 
 Then go ahead, nor be afraid, 
 
 A better life to gain. 
 You will succeed in the hour of need 
 If you never will complain. 
 
 COITRTIEE. 
 
 *• True courtiers should be honest, not over nice, 
 Bold, but not impudentj and free from every vice.'' 
 
 — CTia-priian, 
 
 _ CBEATION, 
 
 Prior to the great beginning. 
 
 When there was no heaven or earth, 
 TVhen there was no sun or star-light, 
 
 TThen Creatio had no bdrth; 
 TThy was silence ever broken-' 
 
 TVhy was man to weakness born? 
 TThy were devils made to tempt him? 
 
 Why was he left on earth to mourn? 
 Vast and searching are these questionSj 
 
 Piercing, probing to the core, 
 Looking back beyond Creation. 
 
 Was there nothing, nothing more I " 
 
 I 
 
38 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 CRITICISM. 
 
 *' Authors are partial to their own, 'tis true, 
 And so are critics to their judgment, too; 
 Let such teach others, who themselves excel, 
 And censure freely, who have written well." 
 
 * 'Where nature moves and rapture charms the mind, 
 Survey the whole, nor seek slight faults to find ; 
 A perfect judgment reads each work of wit 
 With the same spirit that its author writ. 
 'Let such teach others, who themselves excel, 
 And censure freely, who have written well." — Pope. 
 
 CBITICS. 
 
 "Approves to day, what yesterday he cursed. 
 Censures the wise, yet extols the worst ; 
 Pray, who can tell, so coarse the dirt he lays, 
 Which daubs the most, his slander or his praise I" 
 
 — Sprague, 
 
 "Critics are sentinels in the grand army of let- 
 ters, stationed in the columns of newspapers, to 
 challenge the writings of every recruited author." 
 
 — Longfellow. 
 
 CONCEIT. 
 
 Conceited thoughts, indulged without control, 
 Exclude all future knowledge from the soul. 
 For he who thinks himself already wiae, 
 Of course, all future learning will despise ; 
 
ORTGiyAL A^D SELECTED REMARKS. 39 
 
 Ah ! but for this, how many might have been 
 Just — Reputable — wise — and honest men. 
 
 Some men through life assume a part 
 For which no talents they possess, 
 
 Yet wonder still, with all their art, 
 They meet no better with success. 
 
 Devoid of talent, manner, wealth. 
 
 Of obscure origin himself, 
 
 Forgets the land whereon he grew, 
 
 And thinks himself — the Lord knows who ! 
 
 CONTRIBUTION. 
 
 Not a part of Christian faith among the things 
 to be believed, but a part of Christian practice 
 among the things to be performed. 
 
 CONVERSATION, 
 
 "Let your conversation be pleasant, withoufc 
 scurrility; witty, without affectation; free without 
 indecency; learned, without conceit, and novel, 
 without falsehood." 
 
 Tho' conversation in its better part 
 May be esteemed a gift and not an art, 
 Yet much depends to all the gifted toil 
 On proper culture in a proper soil. 
 
 The object of all conversation is to entertain and 
 amuse; society, therefore, to be agreeable should 
 never be made the arena of dispute. 
 
40 ORIOINAL AND SELECTED EE MARKS. 
 
 The pleasure of conversation consists in the en- 
 joyment of each other's excellencies, and not in the 
 triumph of each other's imperfections. 
 
 Conversation is the music of the mind ; it is an 
 intellectual orchestra, where all the instruments 
 should play a part, yet only one play his part at 
 the proper time. 
 
 Some men are silent for want of information, but 
 how many are talkative for want of sense ! 
 
 A man too full of conversation is like an over- 
 flowing fountain — the sui-plus soon creates a puddle. 
 
 In conversation sometimes we find 
 That men are differently inclined ; 
 With talent quite distinct, yet each, 
 Mark'd by peculiar powers of speech ; 
 With tempers too, as much the same 
 As milk or acid, ice or flame ; 
 Their speech by properly sustaining 
 May all prove highly entertaining. 
 
 Don't talk too much, and then you've nought to 
 fear, 
 
 But say what's sensible; let others hear; 
 
 In tills the skill of conversation lies, 
 
 And which will make you both polite and wise. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMARES. 
 
 41 
 
 Few persons think less of vrliat tliey say than an- 
 swering correctly what is said to them ; "tis listen- 
 ing attentively and answering to the purpose that 
 constitutes the perfection of conversation. 
 
 COWARD. 
 
 ''That man who lays his hand upon a woman, 
 save in some generous act of kindness, is a wretch, 
 and whom to call a coward would be the basest 
 flattery." — Tobin. 
 
 
 
 "Thou coward slave, thou little valiant, but 
 great in villainy, ever strong, when on the stronger 
 side, who dost not fight but when fortune teaches 
 safety. Thou rampant fool to wear a lion's hide; 
 dofi it for shame and hang a sheepskin on tiiy 
 recreant limbs. " — SJiahspeare. 
 
 COBRUPTIOIT. 
 
 " What mortal power from things unclean 
 
 Can pure productions bring? 
 Who can command a vital stream 
 
 From an infected spring? " 
 
 COURTSHIP, 
 
 A little sighing, a little crying, a little d^dng, 
 and a little lying. 
 
42 ORiaiNAL A^D SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 *' There's nothing like manoeuvering in season, 
 Ye parents who have daughters to dispose of. 
 
 Especially if you have any reason 
 
 To think, like spinisters, they will not go off. 
 
 There may be one in twenty thousand chances 
 
 Some man with money may propose advances." 
 
 " He that would win his girl mnst do 
 As love does when he draws his bow: 
 "With one hand thrust his lady from. 
 But with the other pull her home." — Butler. 
 
 *'Now stir the fire and close the shutters fast, 
 Let fall the curtain, wheel the sofa round ; 
 
 Well talk of love till midnight's hour is past, 
 "While the old folks in bed are sleeping sound.'' 
 
 — Dawes. 
 
 'Tis sweet to court a pretty girl, but ah, alas, how 
 bitter. 
 
 To be refused by her you love, and find you can- 
 not gel her. 
 
 How swiftly pass the hours away. 
 
 When thou, dear girl, art by my side ; 
 
 With thee each year would seem a day 
 Should you consent to be my bride. 
 
 'Tis ecstacy when happy lovers meet, 
 
 In some lone spot, where not a sound is heard, 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMABKS. 43 
 
 Save their own sighs, or the unequal beat, 
 Of their young hearts to tender wishes stirr'd. 
 
 ^Vhen hand seeks hand and melting Mances 
 tell, 
 
 The unutter'd tale of lore — too sweetly well." 
 
 _ —Mrs. \Yelly. 
 
 "Flatter and praise commend — extol their graces, 
 Tho' ne'er so ugly, say they have angel's faces; 
 That man wlio has a tongue is no man, 
 If witli that tongue he cannot win a woman." 
 
 — Sfiakspeare. 
 
 COTJRTING. 
 
 "As rivers which their sources find 
 
 In mountain summits parted wide, 
 They meet at last and find the sea, 
 To mingle in one common tide ; 
 So we. of diflerent states and clime, 
 
 Strangers for years, our race did run, 
 Till fate decreed in course of time 
 
 Our fortunes should be merged in one." 
 
 — Jfrs. Toicnsend. 
 
 True did the fates my hopes decree 
 
 TThen at the springs I tarried. 
 'Twas there I met the one I loved, 
 "\IVliom afterwards I married. 
 
 Altho- from difierent states we came 
 Our mutual pledges taken, 
 The tide of union changed the name 
 Of S into A . 
 
44 ORIQINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Good-night, good-night, my dearest, 
 
 How fast the moments fly, 
 'Tis time to go — thou hearest 
 
 The city watchman's cry : 
 
 Past twelve o'clock. 
 
 O ! stay a moment longer, 
 
 Alas! why is it so? 
 The wish to stay grows stronger 
 
 And yet 'tis time to go. 
 
 Past one o'clock. 
 
 Now wrap your shawl around you, 
 
 I think the clock is wrong, 
 For when I am without you, 
 
 The hours are twice as long." 
 
 Past two o'clock. 
 
 Again I hear that warning. 
 
 Had ever time such flight? 
 Methinks the day is dawning 
 
 The hour is past midnight. 
 
 Past three o'clock. 
 
 Sweetheart, I say good-night! 
 
 rd like to talk some more, 
 The moon is at its height. 
 
 Now, pray, show me the door. 
 
 Past four o'clock. 
 
 Well, if you thus will leave me, 
 Don't take me by surprise, 
 
ORIG-IXAL AXD SELECTFD EEIIAEKS. 
 
 Just wait one iiour longer 
 And tlien the snn will rise. 
 
 Past five o'clock. 
 
 COaUETTE. 
 
 Vain with the idea, she every man can please, 
 She spends her life in learning whom to tease, 
 Her affectation meets with no regard, 
 Contempt from women is her last reward. 
 
 A kind of fish which neither hook or line, 
 Xor snare, or trap, or net, can make her thine, 
 She must be baited and be tickled too. 
 Or she will not be caught what'er you do. 
 
 I will not marry, for I cannot get 
 The man I want, but one I've yet 
 To choose from all. at least a score ; 
 But ah. alas I I siirh for more. 
 
 " TVho has not heard coquettes complain 
 
 Of half their life mispent in vain? 
 
 For time that's lost they pine and waste, 
 
 But love's sweet pleasures never taste." — Gay. 
 
 There are too many among the fair sex so unre- 
 liable that were you to offer' one of them a mint- 
 julep she would spurn the idea of drinking it. but 
 at the same time would take a French liqueur " if 
 she ever knew its ingredients were the same as the 
 julep 
 
4-Q ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMAJ2KS. 
 
 COFFIN. 
 
 There is one piece of furniture wliich we al^ 
 want aud must have, and, strange to say, we never 
 purchase it, yet our friends pay for it after we ire 
 dead. It is our coffin. 
 
 CONTENTMENT. 
 
 Contentment here will add far more 
 
 Of bliss than we possessed. 
 By faith we can secure a home. 
 And be forever blessed. 
 
 Then why should we, let troubles rise 
 
 "When earthly good retires ? 
 For here "there's no abiding place," 
 But one^ Mdien life expires. 
 
 Tho' humble be my little cot 
 
 With wife and children nigh, 
 I am contented with the spot 
 Which money cannot buy. 
 'Tis not the mighty piles of gold 
 
 That sweetens life alone, 
 But knowing what you have and hold. 
 Is honestly your own. 
 
 '"Tis better to be lowly born, 
 And range with humble livers in content, 
 Than to be perk'd up in a glistering grief 
 And wear a golden sorrow." 
 
ORIGINAL A:sI) SELECTED EEMARKS. 47 
 
 '"Tis said that frail, inconstant man, 
 
 Is ne'er content with what he is ; 
 Each thinks he can in others scan 
 
 A happiness more pure than his." — Watson. 
 
 The wicked are never liappy, although possessed 
 of everything the world can give; the righteous are 
 never miserable, although deprived of evertliing 
 the world can take away. 
 
 CONSPIRACY. " 
 
 "Between the acting of a dreadful thing 
 And the first motion, all the interior is 
 Like a vision or a hideous dream; 
 'Tis then we suffer (like a little kingdom) 
 The nature of an insurrection." 
 
 COMPLIMENT, 
 
 Delicate minds may be disgusted by compli- 
 ments, although such compliments would please 
 those of a grosser intellect. Some persons who 
 despise flattery are more easily flattered by being 
 told that they despise it. 
 
 COIilPIlOTiIISE. 
 
 "Where parties are obstinate or punctilious, a 
 slight condescension may effect a great deal ; a drop 
 of oil may set a machine in motion, when a gallon 
 of vinegar would only corrode it. 
 
48 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 CONSTITUTION, 
 
 The Federal Constitution ,was ratified by tlie 
 original States as follows, viz : 
 
 Delaware, Dec. 7, 1787. 
 Pennsylvania, Dec. 12, 1787. 
 New Jersey, Dec. 18, 1787. 
 . Georgia, Jau'y 2, 1788. 
 Connecticut, Jan'y 9, 1788. 
 Massachusetts, Feb'y 6, 1788. 
 Maryland, April 28, 1788. 
 South Carolina, May 23, 1788. 
 New Hampshire, June 21, 1788. 
 Virginia, June 26, 1788. 
 New York, July 26, 1788. 
 North Carolina, Nov. 21, 1789. 
 Rhode Island, May 29, 1790. 
 
 CONTEMPL A.TION. 
 
 " From every object in creation 
 
 We get a hint for contemplation. 
 
 And from the basest and the mean 
 
 A virtuous mind can morals glean." — Gay, 
 
 CONSCIENCE. 
 
 ' ' Not all the glory or the praise, 
 That decks the hero's prosperous days, 
 The shout of men, the laurel crown, 
 
ORIGINAL AXD SELECTED BE HARKS. 49 
 
 Tlie loud applause of just renown 
 
 Can conscience's dreadful sentence droTvn." 
 
 — Eolford. 
 
 " In early youtli the conscience rarely gna^vs, 
 So much as when in riper years it draws. 
 But at three score and ten. the account of evil 
 Shows a heavy credit balance with the Devil." 
 
 — Byron. 
 
 CONPIDENCE. ' *^ , 
 
 He that tells his friends all he thinks about 
 them, may rest assured those friends will tell his 
 enemies much they do not tliink of lihn. 
 
 CONSOLATION. 
 
 All things must fade in course of time, 
 
 Our brighest prospects fly. 
 The fairest thing in all the earth 
 
 Is only bound to die. 
 Console thyself, nor let thy cares 
 
 To this poor world be given, 
 Xor let the thought be once forgot, 
 
 We'll have a home in heaven. 
 
 It should be a comfort to us all. in affiiction, 
 cares and calamities, that if we lose anything and 
 get more wisdom by the loss, we are still the 
 gainer in the end. 
 
50 
 
 VEIQINAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 COTTNTRY. 
 
 " Whenever the wide o]d kitchen hearth 
 
 Sends up its smoky curls, 
 'Tis then I enjoy so many things 
 
 From the hands of our country-girls. 
 Let city prudes who roll in silk 
 
 Or set at the costly board. 
 Just think of the bowl of l)utter-milk 
 
 By homespun beauty poured. 
 
 These are the ones who all through life 
 Make the best material for a wife." 
 
 "Let Spain boast the treasures that grow in her 
 mines ; 
 
 Let France, too, rejoice in her olives and vines; 
 In bright, sparkling jewels, let India prevail, 
 And Arabia's sweet odors perfume every gale; 
 'Tis our union of States which gives us a fame, 
 That protects every man with liberty's name." 
 
 COUNTENANCE. 
 
 " His very face was a full receipt (already 
 stamped) for perfidy, cowardice and villany; 
 'twould make a scarecrow in a field of scoundrels.'* 
 
 COBSET. . 
 
 "No longer should the body tightly laced, 
 
 From the full bosom to the slender waist, 
 
 To give a shape or harmony express, 
 
 Small by degrees, and beautifully less." — Prior, 
 
CEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 51 
 
 CHURCH. 
 
 "Some go to cliurcli just for a walk, 
 Some go there to laugh and talk ; 
 Some go there the time to spend, 
 Some go there to meet a friend : 
 Some go to learn the parson's name, 
 Some go there to spread his fame ; 
 Some go there for speculation, 
 Some go there for ohservation ; 
 Whilst others go to sleep and nod, 
 How few go there to worship God." 
 
 CURIOSITY. 
 
 "As dov\m a pane of glass two rain-drops chase. 
 Curious, we watch to see which wins the race; 
 Or let two dogs beneath our window fight, 
 "We'd stop our prayers just to enjoy the sight.'' 
 
 — Spragv^. 
 
 CTJIISES. 
 
 " 3Iay the grass wither beneath his feet 1 the 
 woods deny him shelter I the earth a home I the 
 dust thereof a grave, and Heaven a God ! and for 
 my sympathy let Hell be his abiding place." — 
 
 Byron. 
 
 DANDY, 
 
 Tho' your figure be gracefully deck'd, 
 And your nature be tender and kind, 
 
 With the girls you secure no respect. 
 They say you're deficient in mind. 
 
52 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 By the smile that sliines in your face 
 
 And the manner in which you are dressed, 
 The soul of discernment can trace 
 
 What the minds of these girls have expressed. 
 With such weakness your notions abound 
 
 As you boldly your" nonsense declare, 
 Each one of them surely has found 
 
 Such a fool won't do for the fair. 
 That you are deficient in taste, 
 
 Will surely be known round about. 
 That you should leave their presence in haste 
 
 Precludes the least shadow of doubt. 
 
 Fantastic, proud, and always vain, 
 From such a man you've nought to gain, 
 He laughs with counterfeited glee 
 At others' jokes — no joke has he ; 
 His emptiness will sure betray 
 A shallow stream from a muddy way. 
 
 False this doctrine I do aver, 
 Loolcs we oft interpret wrong. 
 
 Women, like men, too often err^ 
 In eyes, in looks, in heart and tongue. 
 
 DEBAUCH. 
 
 "The joys from such pleasures do often arise 
 From passion and lust, and are never sincere. 
 They are taken in haste, or snatched by surprise, 
 Interrupted by doubt and created in fear." 
 
OBIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EE2IAF.KS. 
 
 53 
 
 DEATH. 
 
 "Soon will tills lingering spark of vital flame 
 
 Forsake its languid, melancholy frame! 
 
 Soon will these eves their trembling lustre close, 
 
 To sink in dreamless sleep of long repose! 
 
 Soon will this troubled spirit seek the bourne, 
 
 Where hushed in slumber grief forgets to mourn! " 
 
 "^rethinks I saw the ghastly spectre stand. 
 Roll the dim eye and wave the palid hand ; 
 His sleepless spirit stalking from the tomb, 
 Fortells my fate and summons me to come." 
 
 " 0, may I (with life's last prayer still trembling 
 
 on my lips) 
 Sink to repose in calm unrulfied peace, 
 Like the mild glory of the setting sun, 
 And when the mighty change shall come, 
 May I awake, bright as the orb of day, 
 When from the east he rises in his strength, 
 To prove there is a God." 
 
 The man who is bom but once, dies twice — but 
 he that is bom twice dies but once. 
 
 How awful must thy summons be, O, death 1 
 To him who is at ease in all his wealth ; 
 Counting all things as pleasure whilst at home, 
 Yet losing ell his interest in the world to come. 
 
54 ORlOmAL AND SELECTED REMAEKS. 
 
 The time draws near, a few brief days will close 
 To me this transitory scene of joys and woes; 
 Each knell of time now warns toe to resign 
 All hope, and peace, and friendship, which were 
 mine. 
 
 The grave is near the cradle seen, 
 The moments swiftly pass between, 
 
 And whisper as they fly: 
 Unthinking man, remember this, 
 Now fond of every worldly bliss. 
 
 You must be called to die. 
 
 Death has been called "the King of terrors;" he 
 is certainly the terror of kings; and if he be an 
 evil without end, he is likewise an end of all evil. 
 
 DEBT. 
 
 Take my advice, for it is good and 'tis true. 
 
 Although, dear friend, you may doubt it, 
 I'll tell you the secret, it may benefit you, 
 
 I have tried it, and know all about it; 
 'Tis simply this : don't incur debt any more, 
 
 'Tis the worst of all things to bring sorrow, 
 Just think of the man who calls at your door 
 
 For a debt you put off till "to-morrow. " 
 So don't go in debt but take tliis advice. 
 
 If your clothes are all faded and greasy, 
 Fit them up, wash them out, 'tis better by far; 
 
 When out of debt, you can take the world easy. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 55 
 
 There's nothing that I fear of all the worldly ills, 
 So much disturbs my mind as the grocer's lengthy 
 bills, 
 
 For in my better days I got credit such a way, 
 Which now I find indeed so troublesome to pay. 
 
 DECEIT. 
 
 Some there are who tell you oft, 
 
 'Tis wrong to trust these cruel men, 
 They will deceive in accents soft, 
 
 And cheat the sex, nine out of ten ; 
 But when the truth you would discover 
 
 Look him boldly in the eye, 
 Then you'll find, if a true lover. 
 
 His looks alone will truth supply. 
 
 Oh ! who can tell where the maid is found 
 
 Whose heart can love without deceit, 
 I'll travel all the world around 
 
 To kneel one moment at her feet ; 
 Show me on earth a thing so rare 
 
 Then I will prove the fact most true, 
 To make one maid sincere and fair 
 
 Would be the utmost heaven could do. 
 
 Her hand, the softest I ever felt. 
 
 When cold would burn, when dry would melt; 
 
 It was her heart so many cheated, 
 Just like an icicle when heated. 
 
58 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 " I have tasted the sweets and the bitters of love; 
 
 In friendship I early was taught to believe ; 
 My passion the matrons of prudence reprove, 
 
 I have found that a friend may profess — yet 
 deceive." 
 
 " The ivy climbs the crumbling hall 
 
 To decorate decay, 
 And spreads its dark deceitful pall 
 
 To hide what wastes away." 
 
 "If you desire a length of days, 
 And peace to crown your mortal state, 
 
 Restrain your feet from impious ways, 
 Your lips from slander and deceit. 
 
 DEPRAVITY. 
 
 "Our nature's totally depraved. 
 
 The heart a sink of sin. 
 Without a change we can't be saved. 
 
 We must be born again. 
 
 Nothing can atlord us a more proper apprecia- 
 . tion of the depravity of human nature than an 
 exact knowledge of our own corruption. 
 
 DESIGN. 
 
 When any great designs thou dost intend, 
 Think on the means, the manner and the end. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED BEITAEKS. 
 
 57 
 
 " He that intends well, yet deprives Mmself of 
 means to put his good thoughts into deeds, deceives 
 his purpose of the due reward." 
 
 DESPAIR. 
 
 " The fond illusions I have cherished, 
 At last, too true, they all have perished, 
 Anticipations once so fair, 
 There's nothing which I cannot bear. 
 In pain or p»leasure but des]:air. 
 
 TThen we in darkness walk, 
 
 Xor heed the spmt's flame, 
 'Tis time to put our trust in God 
 
 And call upon his name. 
 
 DESTINY. 
 
 How many men are wheeled to hell in a chariot 
 of pleasure 1 How many are whipped to heaven by 
 the scourge of affliction I 
 
 DISAPPOINTMENT. 
 
 Xow, such is man's philosophy, 
 TVhen woman proves untrue, 
 
 The loss of one should teach him — 
 "Why, make some other do. 
 
 Whilst in the dark, on her soft hand I hung. 
 And lieard tlie sweetest lispings of her tongue, 
 "What thought, what darts, what anguish I endured. 
 But when she struck a light — my love was cured. 
 
 — Marslial. 
 
58 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 "I loved her well, I would have loved her better, 
 Had love met love, but that confounded letter 
 Give me to understand I could fiot get her. 
 
 I loved Miss Emma dearly, 
 
 Her favor I have prized. 
 She caught me first and early 
 
 By the beauty of her eyes; 
 The hopes my soul had cherished 
 
 Has withered, one by one, 
 And though her love has perished, 
 
 I live to linger on. 
 Perchance, some future day 
 
 That love may be restored, 
 And I be called to love again 
 
 The girl I once adored. 
 
 DISCONTENT. 
 
 " 'Tis said that frail, inconstant man, 
 Is ne'er content with what he is ; 
 
 Each thinks he can in others scan 
 
 A happiness more pure than his." — Watson. 
 
 DISCRETION. 
 
 May all her beauties, like my hopes, be blasted, 
 And, sorrow, shame, and sickness overtake her; 
 
 Just twelve long months my love for her has lasted, 
 But now 'tis prudence calls me, to forsake her. 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED BEMABKS. 59 
 
 DISEASE. 
 
 " Some men are brought to worse distresses 
 
 By taking phj'sic than diseases; 
 
 And, therefore, generally recover 
 
 Just as the doctors give them over. ''^—Butler. 
 
 DISPOSITION". 
 
 "It was not mirth; for mirth she was too still, 
 It was not music ; for that she had no will, 
 But a pleasing conversation, which, with ease, 
 Pleased all about her, from a desii-e to please." 
 
 — Byron. 
 
 DISSENSION. 
 
 " Alas! how slight a cause may move 
 Dissension between hearts that love ; 
 Hearts that the world in vain had tried, 
 And sorrow but more closely tied." — Moore. 
 
 DISSIPATION, 
 
 By certain, fixed, and settled laws of Nature ex- 
 cess brings on its own jDunishment, and dissipation 
 destroys that constitution which temperance would 
 preserve. Every debauchee "offers up Ms body 
 a living sacrifice to sin." 
 
 DISTANCE. 
 
 In the United States a mile is 1,760 yards. 
 " England " 1,760 " 
 
 *' Netherlands " 1,093 " 
 
60 OEiamAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 In Germany, a mile is 10,120 yards. 
 " France, " 3,025 " 
 
 " Scotland, " 1,984 " 
 " Ireland, " 2,038 " 
 
 " Sweden, " 11,700 " 
 
 " Spain, " 2,472 " 
 
 DIVORCE. 
 
 'Twas once I hovered ronnd about you 
 And thought I could not live without you, 
 But as we've lived six months asunder, 
 How ! I lived with you, is a wonder. 
 
 DOUBT, 
 
 Cowardice asks, Is it safe? Expediency asks, 
 Is it politic ? Vanity asks, Is it popular ? Con- 
 science asks. Is it right f 
 
 'Tis a question I must parry, 
 
 Or a wayward truant prove ; 
 Wliere I love I cannot marry. 
 
 Or where I marry cannot love. 
 Love will never bear enslaving, 
 
 So it cannot prove the best ; 
 Bliss itself is not worth having 
 
 If by compulsion only blest. 
 
 In many cases where we doubt the propriety of 
 doing a thing, we ask, Is there any harm in it? but 
 never think of a better answer. Is there any harm 
 in letting it alone and not doing it? 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 61 
 
 DREAM. 
 
 ''Alas! I wake ; 'tis gone, for never 
 
 Mine such bliss can ever be ; 
 Or I wonld sleep, and sleep forever, 
 
 Could I, thus alv-ays dream of Thee." 
 
 DREAMS, 
 
 ''Dreams are but interludes which Fancy makes; 
 "When mighty Reason sleeps this mimic wakes ; 
 How many monstrous forms in sleep we see, 
 TThich neither were, nor are, nor e'er can be." 
 
 — Dryden. 
 
 DRESS. ' 
 
 The dress of a modern lady is a perfect mystery: 
 
 It is flounced and frilled ; furbelowed and fluted ; 
 folded and frizzled ; paniered and puffed ; jDinned 
 back and plaited ; sashed and shirred ; corded and 
 corseted; looped and laced ; bowed and buttoned; 
 trailed and twisted, with other innumerable at- 
 tachments — characteristic of the Centennial. 
 
 DRUNKENNESS. 
 
 '* ]\Ian, with raging drink inflamed, 
 Becomes more savage and untamed ; 
 Supplying loss of wit and sense 
 With blasphemy and insolence. 
 And thinks himself, the less he's able, 
 Heroic, brave, and formidable, 
 Whilst others see 'tis all in vain 
 Until he's sobered down again." 
 
62 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 "Time wears me away," 
 Says tihe drunkard each day, 
 
 "Ere I scarce have arrived at my prime; " 
 "Hold! Hold! not so fast," 
 Says the scholar in haste, 
 
 "For I think it is you, that wastes time." 
 
 " Man, bein2f reasonable, must get drunk. 
 The most of life is but intoxication ; 
 
 Glory and wine and love and gold — in all are sunk 
 The hope of every man and every nation." 
 
 — Byron. 
 
 Every living creature that exists becomes thirsty^ 
 but it is only man that quenches his thirst by 
 drunkenness. 
 
 Strange, men will drink until they sink 
 
 In damning, deep despair; 
 With liquid fire destroy the mind, 
 
 If pressed with grief or care. 
 'Tis only man that doth carouse 
 
 In bumpers flowing o'er, 
 Whilst adding to his grief and care 
 
 He suffers more and more. 
 
 DUELLING. 
 
 "Honor's a puff of noisy breath, 
 Still men expose their blood 
 
 To gain an everlasting death, 
 Yet loose all earthly good." 
 
^jei&ixal axd selected remarks. 63 
 
 "If all 'seconds' were as averse to duels as 
 their • princiijals, ' it niiglit spare many 'valuable 
 lives.'' 
 
 •■It lias a strange, quick jar upon the ear, 
 This cocking of a pistol, when you know 
 
 A moment more will bring the sight to bear 
 Upon your body, ten paces off or so/" — Byron. 
 
 EATING, 
 
 The turnpike road to people's hearts I find 
 Lies thro' their mouths, or I mistake mankind." 
 
 — Pindar. 
 
 It has been clearly demonstrated that a' man of 
 threescore years and ten will consume in sixty 
 years as follows : 
 
 Of beef. 1-2.000 pounds; of pork. 9.000 pounds; 
 of mutton. 10.000 pounds: of poultry, 20.000 
 poimds ; of fish, IS, 000 pounds: of salt meats. 
 8.000 pounds: of vegetables. 17,000 pounds; of 
 pastry, 6.500 pounds: of fruit. 3.500 pounds; of 
 butter, 3.300 pounds; of eggs, 15.000: of bread, 
 7.000 pounds; of wine. 1.000 gallons; of alco- 
 holic hquors, 800 gallons; of tea and coffee, 3,600 
 gallons; of confectionery, 5.000 pounds. Total, 
 120.000 pounds per year. It is not one pound per 
 day for three meals, everything included. — Soyer. 
 
64: OEiamAL AND SELECTED BEMARKS. 
 
 ECONOMY. 
 
 He who lives according to the dictates of IsTature 
 will never be poor; whilst he who violates her 
 laws by luxury and extravagance will never be rich. 
 
 ECSTACY, 
 
 " A taste of such bliss is a life ere it closes, 
 'Tis the sweetness of fragrance from thousands of 
 roses. " — Wetmore. 
 
 "Love, fame, ambition, avarice — are all the same, 
 For all are meteors by a different name." — Byron. 
 
 EDTJCATION, 
 
 " Why did my parents send me to the schools. 
 
 That I with knowledge might enricli my mind, 
 Since the desire to learn, first made men fools, 
 
 And did corrupt the root of all mankind?"' 
 
 — Spencer. 
 
 A base assertion, tho' by Spencer made, 
 
 Unless, perchance, he was the fool in question; 
 
 If learning proves corruption to mankind, 
 Then truly he has made a wise suggestion. 
 
 EGOTISM. 
 
 Some men, to gain a little more of fame, 
 Do oft claim kindred with a better name; 
 Filled up with vanity, devoid of common sense, 
 They've nought to boast of, but their impudence. 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 65 
 
 ELOaUENCE. 
 
 " There's a charm in deliveiy, a magical art, 
 That thrills like a kiss from the lip to the heart; 
 'Tis the look, the expression, the well-chosen word, 
 By whose magic and power onr feelings are stirr'd. 
 'Tis the smile, with the gesttire — the soul-stirring 
 pause — • 
 
 The eye's sweet expression, that melts while it 
 awes — 
 
 The kind, soft persuasion and musical tone — 
 Oh! such are the charms of an eloquent one." 
 
 — Mrs. Walby. 
 
 "He scratched his ear, the infallible resource, 
 To which^embarrassed people have recourse,'- 
 
 — Byron. 
 
 ' ' His words of learned length and thundering sound 
 Amazed the gazing crowd collected 'round ; 
 Yet still they gazed, and still the wonder grew. 
 That one small head should carry all he knew." 
 
 — Goldsmith. 
 
 " At length he ceased; that silence now was broke 
 Wliich reign'd triumphant while our hero spoke; 
 And then was heard, amidst the general pause, 
 One simultaneous burst of loud applause." — ■ Watson. 
 
 "The popular harangue, the grand debate, 
 
 The last reply, the logic, wisdom, wit, 
 
 Then the loud laugli — I love to hear them all." 
 
 — Cow per. 
 
66 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Men are more eloquent than women made, 
 But women are more powerful to persuade ; " 
 'Tis when they want a shawl or silken dress 
 They show what powers of speech they do possess. 
 
 EMBRACIJ. 
 
 The roses on your cheek were never made 
 To bless the eye alone and then to fade ; 
 Nor had the cherries on your lips their being, 
 To please no other sense than that of seeing; 
 But both ambitious for celestial bliss. 
 The point's decided, when you get a kiss. 
 
 EMOTION. 
 
 " I think there is a certain love between us, 
 For Cupid, that little artful boy of Venus, 
 Has, with his arrow, pierced my heart so skillful 
 Deeply I feel the wound, but 'tis quite willful." 
 
 ENGLAND. 
 
 " A power whose possessions have dotted the sur- 
 face of the whole globe, whose navy may be seen 
 to whiten every harbor, whose morning drum may 
 be heard with the rising sun, and, keeping com- 
 pany with the hours, circles the earth with one 
 continued and unbroken strain of the martial notes 
 of England." 
 
OEIGIXAL A XD SELECTED EEMAEKS. 
 
 67 
 
 ENJOYMENT. 
 
 " Consider man in every sphere, 
 
 Then tell me, is your lot severe? 
 
 'Tis murmur, discontent, distrust, 
 
 That make one wretched ; God is just ; 
 
 We're born a restless, needy crew. 
 
 Show me a happier man than you." — Gay. 
 
 ENNUI. 
 
 The only element of our nature which, if added 
 to a deep, damning sense of guilt, extinguishes 
 every pleasure on earth, and creates a hell w^ithin 
 the soul, of its own origin. 
 
 ENVY. 
 
 He who would free from envy pass his days 
 Must live obscured, and never merit praise. 
 
 "If, on the sudden, man begins to rise 
 No other man can count his enemies." 
 
 "Many persons speak the truth when they say 
 ' that they despise riches and promotion,' but they 
 mean the riches and promotion of other men." 
 
 EPITAPH. 
 
 " Underneath this stone doth lie 
 As much virtue as could die, 
 "Which when alive did vigor give 
 To as much beauty as could live." 
 
68 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMARK8. 
 
 " Beneath this slab my wife doth he, 
 She's now at rest and so am 1. 
 Just keep that shib in' proper plight, 
 For if she rises, there'll be a fight." 
 
 "Life is a jest, and all things show it, 
 I thought so once, but now I know it." 
 
 "As Adam first by Eve was fooled, 
 A case that's still quite common ; 
 
 Here lies a man by woman ruled, 
 
 But the Devil ruled the woman." — Burns. 
 
 Underneath this slab doth lie. 
 Back to back, my wife and I. 
 When the last trump the air shall fill, 
 If she wakes up I'll just lie still. 
 
 ERROR. 
 
 Tlie errors which we commit to-day should guard 
 us against those we are likely to commit to-morrow. 
 
 ESTEEM. 
 
 However high a man may estimate himself, the 
 world will judge him by any other standard 
 than his own. 
 
 ETERNITY, 
 
 A day without yesterday, or to-morrow — a line 
 without an end. 
 
OEIGIXIL ASD SELirCTED REMARKS. 69 
 
 A7aen Gabriel rings the last bell of the uni- 
 verse, the sermon to be preached on that occasion 
 Tvill be strictly heard, and command the attention 
 of all created intellects. 
 
 Eremity is a depth which no geometry can mea- 
 sure, no arithmetic calculate, no imagination con- 
 ceive, and no rfietoric describe. 
 
 ETIQUETTE. 
 
 •■Eriqiierte is the barrier which society dravrs 
 around itself as a protecrion against oiiences which 
 the 'law' cannot meddle with." 
 
 So much depends upon suavity of manners that 
 some people with all their merits become disgust- 
 ing, whilst others become agreeable with all their 
 imperfections. 
 
 EXAMPLE, 
 
 '•For as the light 
 Xot only serves to show, but renders us 
 Mutually profitable ; so our lives, 
 In acts exemplary, not only win 
 Ourselves good names, but do to others g:\xQ 
 Matter for vii'tuous deeds, by which we live." 
 
 — Cliaiyman. 
 
70 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMAEKS. 
 
 EXCELLENCE. 
 
 That man whose moral or intellectual excellence 
 has caused envj, malice, or hatred during life, is 
 the surest to be revered for his excellence when 
 consigned to the tomb. 
 
 He who acquires excellence in any manner at the 
 expense of morals is not profited by his education. 
 
 EXERCISE. 
 
 Rise early and take exercise in plenty, 
 
 But always take it with your stomach empty; 
 
 Eat slowly, but masticate your food, 
 
 Then go to work again, 'twill do you good. 
 
 Don't call a doctor ever to attend you. 
 
 In health youll live until old age will end you. 
 
 EXTRAVAGANCE. 
 
 He that buys what he does not want w^ill soon 
 want what he cannot buy. 
 
 EYES, ^ ' 
 
 "The fair black eye, the melting blue, 
 
 I cannot choose between the two ; 
 
 But she is dearest, all the while, 
 
 Who throws on me the sweetest smile." — Holmes. 
 
 Just as the sun doth glorify the skies. 
 
 So is her face illuniin'd by her eyes ; 
 
 And tho' the sun must set, nor moon shine bright, 
 
 Those eyes will sparkle like the stars at night. 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 71 
 
 " From the glance of her eye 
 Shun clanger and fly, 
 
 For fatal's the eye of Kate Kearny." 
 I'll do no such thing, 
 But to Kate Kearny cling 
 
 In despite of such Irish blarney. 
 
 In those dark eyes the grief of years I trace, 
 And sorrow seems acquainted with your face. 
 
 FACTS. 
 
 A firm faith is the best divinity; a good life the 
 best philosophy; a clear conscience the best law; 
 honesty the best policy; and temperance the 
 best physic. 
 
 The greatest pleasure of life is love ; the greatest 
 treasure, a true friend ; the greatest possession, 
 health ; the greatest ease, sleep ; and the greatest 
 medicine, contentment. 
 
 FAITH. 
 
 "'Tisonlyto confess, 
 
 And humbly to believe. 
 That what you ask in Jesus' name 
 
 You surely will receive." — Watts. 
 
 Whate'er may be your want 
 Go tell Him all you need ; 
 
 Put all your trust in Him alone, 
 And this is faith indeed. 
 
73 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Faith sustains the same relation to works that 
 lightning does to thunder. "JFaith without works 
 is dead," and lightning without thunder is inef- 
 fective. 
 
 PAL.SEHOOD. 
 
 Falsehood, though often rocked by truth, soon 
 outgroAvs the cradle and discharges the nur^e. 
 
 Some men are so notorious for speaking lies that 
 tliey are not believed when they tell the truth, 
 whilst men of undoubted veracity are believed 
 though they utter what is false. 
 
 FAME. 
 
 If we would perpetuate our fame we must do 
 sometliing worth writing, or write something 
 worth reading. 
 
 "With fame in just proportion envy grows, 
 The man that makes a character, makes foes." 
 
 — Young. 
 
 Not always so, for some have made a fame 
 By generous deeds, and left a noble name. 
 
 It was a wise remark of Cato: ''I would rather 
 posterity should inquire, why no statues were 
 erected to my memory, than why they were." 
 
ORIGINAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 73 
 
 "What is the end of fame? 'Tis but to fill 
 A certain portion of uncertain paper; 
 
 Some say 'tis climbing up a hill, 
 
 Whose summit is forever lost in vapor." 
 
 — Byron. 
 
 FAMINE. 
 
 Lo! a dread famine stalks abroad the land, 
 Omniscient God withholds His bounteous hand; 
 Sinners, behold a righteous judgement sent 
 On your accursed heads for time misspent. 
 
 o-^« 
 
 FANATICISia. 
 
 " A fictitious fen-or in religion, fanned by false 
 enthusiasm, inflamed by hatred,'' 
 
 FAREWELL. 
 
 Fare thee well, yet think awhile, 
 On one who would not dare to doubt you ; 
 
 I'd rather see that pleasant smile 
 
 And die at home than live without you. 
 
 — Moore. 
 
 My weeping eyes may nevermore behold thee., 
 My feeble arms may never more enfold tliee., 
 To this sad heart I never more may press tkce^ 
 But day and night I ever more shall bless thee. 
 
 Who can conceive who has not proved 
 The anguish of a last embrace, 
 
 When forced from lier you truly loved 
 And bid a long farewell in peace? 
 
74 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 FARMERS, 
 
 " Princes and lords may flourish or may fade, 
 A breatli can make them as a breath hath made ; 
 But a bold peasantry, their country's pride, 
 If once destroyed can never be supplied." 
 
 — Goldsmith. 
 
 FASHION. ~ *^ " 
 
 Pray, why should I mingle in Fashion's base herd. 
 
 Why crouch to her leaders or cringre to her rules? 
 "Why bow to the proud or approve the absurd, 
 
 Or search for delight in the friendship of fools? 
 
 Fashion's an idol which we all adore 
 
 Both men and women praise her, less or more, 
 
 If once a tailor doth some style conceiv^e, 
 
 We leave our measure and his taste believe ; 
 
 Or milliner, with not less skill, transforms a dress, 
 
 And then the pocket suffers more or less. 
 
 FASTING. 
 
 ' ' Is the diet of angels, the food of souls, and fche 
 nourishment of grace." — Lowtlie. 
 
 FATE. 
 
 "'Tis with an equal pace impartial Fate 
 Visits the palace and the cottage gate." 
 
 — Pope. 
 
 " 'Tis true the world must turn upon its axis. 
 And all mankind turn with it, heads or tails: 
 
 We live and die, make love and pay our taxes, 
 And as the wind doth shift we set our sails." 
 
 — Byron. 
 
ORIGIXAL AXD SELECTED FcEMAUKS. 75 
 
 FAULT. 
 
 If tlie faults of the most pious man on earth 
 \rere engraved on his forehead, they vrould natu- 
 rally make him pull his hat over his forehead to 
 conceal the same. 
 PAYOR, 
 
 He who receives a favor should never forget it; 
 but he who bestows one should never remember it. 
 
 FEATTJIIE. 
 
 ''Bright as the sun which glorifies the sky, 
 So is her face illumined by her eye ; 
 
 But if she frowns we stand aghast and wonder, 
 Just as the lightning, which foretells the thunder." 
 
 FEMALE. 
 
 Fee-simple, or a "simple fee,-' 
 
 Or all the fees in tail, 
 Are nothing when compared to thee — 
 
 TJiou best of fees — Female. 
 
 FEVEB, 
 
 Thus when a raging fever burns, 
 TVe shift from side to side by turns; 
 And yet a poor relief we gain, 
 AVe change the place, yet keep the pain. 
 
 FICTION. ^ 
 
 When fiction rises pleasing to the eye, 
 31en will believe because tliey love a lie; 
 But truth itself, if clouded with a frown. 
 Must have some better proof to pass it "round." 
 
 — Churchill. 
 
7f> ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 FIUMNESS, 
 
 To meet adversity without an exhibition of ill- 
 humor, and to enjoy prosperity without symptoina 
 of exultation, are the chief characteristics of a firm 
 and noble mind. 
 
 "The noble mind uncouscious of a fault, 
 Ko flattery can bend or smiles exalt ; 
 Like the firm rock that in mid-ocean braves 
 The war of whirlwinds and the dash of waves." 
 
 TTRST LOVE, 
 
 From the first hour she caught my sight 
 I've thought of her both day and night; 
 She kept my heart forever glowing, 
 ]S"o other girl could make a showing; 
 Whilst she my fancy seem'd to take 
 I loved her for her own dear sake. 
 
 FLATTERY. 
 
 " 'Tis an old maxim in the schools^ 
 That flattery is tlie soul of fools. 
 And now and then there're men of wit 
 Will condescend to take a bit." 
 
 —Swift. 
 
 The love of flattery, altho' concealed by art, 
 Reigns more or less and grows in every heart; 
 The proud to gain it, toils on toils endure, 
 The model shun it — but to make it sure. 
 
OEIGJXAL ASD SELECTED LEMARKS. 
 
 77 
 
 A man ^vho flatters to tlie fair 
 
 Ma}' oft succeed, but should beware 
 
 Of her whose wisdom might perceive 
 
 He flatters only to deceive; 
 
 For sc)me there are withai:iodest grace 
 
 Shine more in knowledge than in face. 
 
 FLIHT. 
 
 In diamonds, curls and rich brocades, 
 She shines among the dancing maids, 
 
 And flutters in her pride; 
 She'll waltz and flirt and nonsense talk 
 With her painted lips and cheeks of chalk. 
 
 And wish she were a bride. 
 
 She's like a dipper at a hydrant — every one may 
 drink of it but none dare take it away. 
 
 I see no guile upon her face, 
 
 At least to look one would believe so ; 
 
 She seems a paragon of grace, 
 
 But yet tliese flirts they can deceive so. 
 
 FOLLY. 
 
 "When lovely woman stoops to folly 
 And find too late that men betray. 
 
 What charm can sooth her melancholy, 
 What art can wash her guilt away? 
 
78 ORIGINAL AND- SELECT WD REyiARKS. 
 
 The only art her guilt to cover, 
 
 To hide her shame from every eye, 
 
 To give repentance to her lover, 
 And wring his bosom — is to die." 
 
 — Goldsmith. 
 
 When a man pretends to wit of sense, 
 Wishes to shiue at your expense,- 
 Ask him to explain, and then will you 
 His ignorance and folly show. 
 
 FOOL. 
 
 The fool in nature stares with stupid eyes 
 And open mouth that testifies surprise; 
 He moves along, unknowing what he sought. 
 And whistles as he walks for want of thought. 
 
 FORBEARANCE. 
 
 " The kindest and the happiest pair 
 
 Will find occasion to forbear. 
 
 And something every day they live. 
 
 To pity, and perhaps forgive." — Cowper. 
 
 FORGIVEITESS. 
 
 Oh, may I walk in perfect faith, and by that pre- 
 cept live, 
 
 Which call so loud on every man — "to give and 
 to forgive." 
 
OBIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 79 
 
 FOBGOTTEN. 
 
 i. Forget thee ! No, there still exists 
 
 A place within my heart, 
 Tf hicli I shall ever keep for thee, 
 
 Dear friend where'er thou art; 
 Wherever fate shall mark thy path 
 
 By mountain, plain or sea. 
 Thy presence I shall not forget, 
 
 For I'll remember thee. 
 
 POUTITUDE. 
 
 There is nothing in life more sweet to a tender 
 sensibility than to find a loving wife who has trod 
 the patlis of afiluence, suddenly rising in mental 
 force under misfortune, who, with an unshrinking 
 firmness, comforts her husband during the bitter 
 blasts of adversity. 'Tis Fortitude personified. 
 
 FORTUN'E. 
 
 There is no fortune, however good, that may not 
 be reversed, none so bad that it cannot be 
 improved. 
 
 ^The sun that rises in splendor may set in gloom, 
 and that which is obscured by clouds may set in 
 grandeur. 
 
 Let not one look of Fortune cast you down ; 
 She were not Fortune if she did not frown; 
 Those who act noblest, bear her scorns awhile, 
 Prove those at last on whom she most will smile. 
 
80 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 The mutability of fortune is such that the poor 
 have but httle to lose, whilst the rich have a great 
 deal to fear. 
 
 ^ "There is a tide in the affairs of men, 
 Which at flood-tide to fortune tends ; " 
 But Shakspeare never told us when 
 The tide goes down — to him who spends. 
 
 " As many a shaft at random sent, 
 Finds mark the archer little meant; 
 So many a word at random spoken, 
 May soothe or wound a heart that's broken." 
 
 Scott. 
 
 PBEEDOM. ~ 
 
 " Easier is it to hurl the rooted mountain from 
 its base than force the yoke of slavery upon men 
 determined to be free." 
 
 Oh, Freedom! Liberty! Heaven's best gift to man, 
 To execute at will each wondrous plan; 
 Deprived of Freedom all our joys grow dim, 
 Tho' pleasure's cup should overflow tlie brim; 
 Yet there's a freedom, oh! most glorious thought, 
 Kot to be fetter'd or in bondage brought ; 
 Freedom of conscience — 'bove the world's control 
 To light forever the immortal soul. 
 
 FHIENDSHIP. 
 
 T hate that fi'iendsh'p which doth need 
 A moneyed bribe its fires to feed; 
 
OBIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 81 
 
 'Tis that which acts the nobler part 
 That comes unfettered from the heart. 
 
 The friendship of that man who sticks by yoii 
 in the thirk hours of adversity, is far more reliable 
 than that of him who seeks the sunshine of your 
 prosperity. 
 
 I'd rather meet a l^rare and manly foe, 
 (Courage and cauelor may avert his blow,) 
 But of all men, great heaven, thy wrath can send, 
 Save me, I jDray thee, from a drunken friend. 
 
 " How much to be priz'd and esteemVl is a friend, 
 On wdiom we can always with safety depend : 
 Our joys w^hen extended will always increase, 
 And griefs, w^hen divided, are hushed into peace." 
 
 — Smith. 
 
 '•"Who shall compare Love's mean and gross desire, 
 To the cliaste zeal of Friendsliip's sacred fire? 
 Love is a sudden blaze which soon decays 
 But Friendship like the sun's eternal rays — 
 No powder on earth can e'er exhaust the flame 
 Which shines so bright and ever burns the same. " 
 
 _______ —Gay. 
 
 'Tis always in the choice of friends 
 Our good or evil name depends ; 
 Who friendship with a knave hath made 
 Is judged a partner in the trade." 
 
83 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 In calm composure I had fondly thought, 
 In thee I found the friend my heart had sought; 
 I fondly dreamed ere Summer's days were gone 
 Tliy heart and mine would mingle into one. 
 
 He is a happy man who finds a friend in need, 
 but he is more fortunate who never needs a friend. 
 
 That friendship you boast of deserves not the name, 
 For friendship and love are forever entwined; 
 
 Whilst yours is deceit and is never the same, 
 As it comes from a lieart that is never refined. 
 
 Friendship often ends in love, 
 But love in friendship never; 
 
 The reason why — if love be true — 
 Friendship is merged forever. 
 
 FUNERALS. 
 
 Every funeral is but an additional notice of 
 preparation for death; to neglect this warning in 
 youth, is like sleeping on our post of danger, with 
 the enemy in sight ; but to disregard it in old age, 
 is to sleep during the attack. 
 
 Yes, day by day, and month by month we passed, 
 
 It pleased the Lord to take my spouse at last ; 
 
 I tore my gown, I soiled my head with dust, 
 
 I smote my breast, as lonely widows must ; 
 
 Before my face my handkerchief I spread, 
 
 To hide the flood of tears I did not shed.— Pojoe. 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 83 
 
 "Why is the liearse, with fringe and velvet round, 
 Or deck'd with nodding plumes of ostrich crou^ned? 
 The dead, who know it not, no profit gain, 
 But yet it serves to prove, the living vain Gay. 
 
 PTJTUE-ITY. 
 
 " The earth, with its varied face, is but the sym- 
 bol of the 'Past,' whilst the pure air of heaven is 
 the symbol of the 'Future.' " 
 
 
 
 GAMBLING. 
 
 " Some play for gain; to pass the time, some play 
 For nothing; others play the fool I say; 
 But neither time, nor money, idly spend, 
 For though you gain by play, you're loser in the 
 end." — Heath. 
 
 Four persons sat down, at a table to play, 
 They played all the niglit, and part of next day, 
 Ko others played with them, and when they were 
 seated, 
 
 Each played for himself, not one of them cheated; 
 And when they rose up, eacli was winner a dollar, 
 If you decipher this riddle, I'l think you're a 
 scholar. 
 
 GENIUS. 
 
 Such is the fate of genius: to pass through life, 
 with little sympathy, and less cash. — '•''Sam Slick.^^ 
 
84 oeigijval and selected remarks. 
 
 Katiire scatters the seeds of genius to the winds, 
 and though some are choked by the tliorns of ad- 
 versity, others strike root and struggle into sun- 
 shine, to spread over their birth-place the beauties 
 of prosperity. 
 
 The majority of mankind may sneer at the noble 
 soul they cannot imitate, and rebuke the nature 
 they cannot comprehend, but Genius, like tlie 
 fabled bird of Eden in its upward flight, will re- 
 flect from its pinions the radiant hues of Paradise. 
 
 GENTLEMAN. 
 
 "His years but young, but his experience old. 
 His head unmellow'd, but his judgment ripe, 
 And in a word — 
 
 He is complete in feature, and in mind. 
 With all the graces that adorn a gentleman." 
 
 "I do not think a braver gentleman. 
 More active, valiant, or more valiant young, 
 More daring or more noble, is now alive. 
 To grace society with noble deeds." 
 
 — Shakesipeare. 
 
 GIULS. 
 
 *' Girls, a simple tale I would relate, 
 And the lesson you must carry. 
 
 Choose not alone a proper mate, 
 
 But a proper time to marry." — Cowper, 
 
OBIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 85 
 
 GOD, 
 
 Some men believe there is no God to conticle in; 
 yet they find a God to svrear by; the oath exem- 
 plifies its own value. 
 
 "The seas shall waste, the skies in smoke decay, 
 Rocks fall to dust, and mountains melt away; 
 But fix'd His word. His saving power remains, 
 His realm forever lasts, the great Jehovah reigns." 
 
 GOLD. 
 
 All is not gold that glitters, 
 
 Though it makes tlie vulgar stare. 
 
 For those we deem tlie richest 
 Have oft the least to spare. 
 
 An idol worshipped in all countries, without a 
 single temple, and by all classes, in every climate, 
 without a hypocrite. 
 
 GOOD-BYE. 
 
 Good-bye dear friend, to you good-night. 
 With pleasing dreams, and slumbers light; 
 
 But stop a moment — won't you take 
 
 Something good for your stomach sake? 
 
 Indeed I will — since I come to think — 
 Come join me in a final drink. 
 
 GOSPEL. 
 
 "Oil! how many still are found, 
 Strangers to its joyful sound, 
 
86 ORIGIN A L AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Ffitlier, let Thy kingdom come, 
 
 Bring these wandering sinners home." 
 
 " Go preach my gospel, saith the Lord, 
 Bid the whole earth my grace receive ; 
 
 He shall be saved who trusts my word, 
 He shall be damned who won't believe." 
 
 —Watts. 
 
 GOSSIP. 
 
 Some men (and women, too, often) addicted to 
 this vice, are like narrow-necked bottles : the less 
 they have in them in truth, the more fuss they 
 make in pouring it out. 
 
 Don't talk about your neighbors, 
 
 Their sorrows or their cares; 
 Youl'l find enough to do, sir, 
 
 To mind your own affairs. 
 The world is full of idle folks, 
 
 You. can afford to shirk. 
 For there's crowds of people ready 
 
 To do such dirty work. 
 
 Said Mrs. C. to Mrs. A., 
 
 In quite a confidential way, 
 
 " It seems to me that Mrs. B. 
 
 Takes too mucli something in her tea." 
 
 I'lien Mrs. A. went right away 
 
 And told a friend that very day: 
 
CRIGIXAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 87 
 
 ' ' How sad to tliink ! " with a cruel wink, 
 
 "That Mrs. B. was fond of drink." 
 
 So Mrs. B. saw Mrs. C. — 
 
 *' What's that, you wretch, you said of me ? " 
 
 "I only said, 'It appeared to me 
 
 " You mixed a liquor in your tea ; ' " 
 
 " Suppose I did — what's that to you ? — 
 
 To scandalize your neighbor too — 
 
 You know full well, if you would think, 
 
 There's nothing like a pleasant drink, 
 
 "When one feels bad, we something take, 
 
 As the scripture say, 'for your stomach's sake.' " 
 
 GOVEHNMENT, 
 
 "In a free country there is often much com- 
 plaint with little suffering; whilst in a despotic 
 government there is little complaint but much 
 grievance." 
 
 GBACE. 
 
 'Tis not by works of righteousness, 
 Which our own liands have done ; 
 But we are saved by sovereign grace, 
 Abounding through the Son. — Watts. 
 
 The "Grecian Bend" in a woman is not so 
 graceful as the bend over the wash-tub, or tlie 
 cradle, much less bending at the altar in prayer. 
 
88 ORIGIXAL AND SELECTED REMAEKS. 
 
 GRACES. 
 
 There's many a girl Avill pass as ^\fair,^^ 
 Because a merry lieart dwells there; 
 
 Wliilst otliers with more beauty shine, 
 Drest up like peacocks, all so fine ; 
 
 The reason's plain; so, boys, beware. 
 
 Good looks with manners won't compare. 
 
 GRATITUDE. 
 
 Those who feel the spu'it of gratitude in receiv- 
 ing a kindness, only want an opportunity to dis- 
 play the spirit of generosity in bestowing one. 
 
 All that I own and all I have 
 Sliall be forever thine; 
 
 Whate'er my duty bids me give 
 My cheerful hands resign. 
 
 GRAVE. 
 
 " Here masters, servants, poor and rich, 
 Partake the same repose, 
 And here in peace their ashes mix. 
 Of those who once w^ere foes. " 
 
 The last public inn, "wnth lodgings for one," 
 A bed of cold earth, when life's journey is done, 
 With a slab at your head, a stone at your feet. 
 To point out the carcass which the vermin shall 
 eat. 
 
OEIGiyAL AXD SELECTED EEMARKS. 89 
 
 GRIEF. 
 
 As sparks l)reak out from burning coals, 
 And still are upward borne; 
 
 So grief is rooted in our souls, 
 And man grows up — to mourn. 
 
 Oh ! 'tis not in giief to barm me, 
 AVben such tender love I see; 
 
 Kor can any joy deceive me, 
 If that love be bid from me. 
 
 GUILT. 
 
 Indeed, no tortures which the poets feign 
 Can match the tierce, unutterable pain 
 
 He feels who night and daj^ — devoid of rest — 
 Carries his own accuser in bis breast. 
 
 —Gifford. 
 
 SAEIT. 
 
 Mankind in crowds, thro' force of habit stray. 
 Mislead each other into Error's way; 
 Sin by mistake, and without tliought offend, 
 Pursue the road, forgetful of the end. 
 
 HAPPINESS. 
 
 If you ask me from what my happiness flows, 
 The answer is short — From my icife; " 
 
 Her cheerfulness, sense, and good nature I cliose 
 As the beauties and charms of her life. 
 
90 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMAEKS. 
 
 Could we, whilst in this world of ours, 
 Reject the weeds, and keep the flowers. 
 
 What a heaven on earth we'd make it; 
 So bright a home would be our own, 
 We'd see tlie angels coming down, 
 
 And by possession take it. 
 
 The surest means of finding happiness in every- 
 thing is to seek pleasure in nothing. 
 
 "Pure and exalted love, founded on charms, 
 both mental and corporeal, constitutes the highest 
 happiness on earth ; yet, for anything we know to 
 the contrary, may form the lowest happiness of 
 heaven." 
 
 "This world can never give 
 Tlie bliss for which we sigh; 
 
 'Tis not the whole of life to live, 
 Nor all of death to die." — Watts. 
 
 If happiness on wealth were built, 
 Rich rogues might comfort find in guilt; 
 As grows the miser's hoarded store, 
 His fears and wants increase the more. 
 
 I often Avish that I had clear 
 
 A thousand dollars every year; 
 
 A handsome house, a loving wife, 
 
 With friends and health thro' all my life. 
 
OEIGIXAL ASD SELECTED EEZIAEKS. 91 
 
 Lol€, Fame, Anibition. Azarice. "tis all the same, 
 For all are meteors, by a different name. 
 
 — Bur on. 
 
 Tnere's nothing sought in life h^jt harm doth 
 bring. 
 
 Even to be happy is a dangerous thing. 
 
 The best way to enjoy happiness is to keep both 
 mind and body so busy that you -will have nc 
 spare time to be miserable. 
 
 Indeed, I -would not now complain, 
 If all the crowd were gone; 
 
 For I could find more happiness, 
 TTere you and I alone. 
 
 HAH VEST. 
 
 TVhat noble fruits the fields produce, 
 The vineyards yield a pleasing juice ; 
 The grove, the garden, and the field 
 A thousand joyful blessings yield. 
 
 — Thorn son . 
 
 HATRED. 
 
 '•Oh I that I and he were on the waves together, 
 "VTith but one plank between us and destruction, 
 Tbat I miglit grasp him in these desperate arms, 
 To plunge him 'midst the stormy billows. 
 And view him gasp for liie.'^ — Jfafurin. 
 
93 
 
 OniGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 "Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure, 
 We love in haste, but show our hate at leisure." 
 
 — Byron. 
 
 " When I loved you, I can but allow, 
 I had many an exquisite minute ; 
 But the scorn I feel for you now 
 
 Hath even more luxury in it. 
 So whether we're off or we're on, 
 
 Some witchery seems to await you ; 
 To love you was pleasant enough, 
 But now 'tis delicious to hate you." 
 
 — Moore. 
 
 Offend her, if she loves you she'll forgive; 
 Oblige her, if she hates you don't believe 
 That she's in earnest, but try her once again. 
 You'll find she'll soon decide twixt love and 
 pain. 
 
 HEART. 
 
 Hearts are like flint — yet flint is rent ; 
 Hearts are like steel — yet steel is bent; 
 Some soft, some hard, 'tis often said; 
 Of what material is your heart made ? 
 
 Your heart is not on honour bent, 
 Nor can I condescend to love ; 
 
 I will not dare, had I the power. 
 Such a vile heart as yours to move. 
 
ORIGIXAL AXD SELECTED BE^£ABK<. 
 
 93 
 
 HEAVEN. 
 
 Through life manv tears may fall, 
 And the heart to its depth be driven 
 
 With storm and tempest ; v^o, need it all 
 To render us meet for Heaven. 
 
 Tell me. my sacred soul, 
 Yes tell me, Hope and Faith, 
 Is there no resting-place, 
 From sorrow, sin. and death ? 
 Is there no happy spot 
 Where mortals may be blessed, 
 "VThere grief may find a balm, 
 And weariness a rest ? 
 
 Yes : 
 
 Faith. Hope, and Love, to mortals given, 
 Points out that place — "tis only Heaven. 
 
 "Through life we'll pass with hearts as one, 
 Our souls no one can sever . 
 To seek that bright and happy home. 
 Where love endures forever." 
 
 — J/}'.?. To'icnsend. 
 
 Yes. when you reach the pearly gates. 
 
 Outside you'll have to tarry; 
 The Bible says, in Heaven, most true. 
 
 That people never marry. 
 Get a divorce before you leave, 
 
 Your marriage tie dissever ; 
 Go it alone, and then renew 
 
 That love which lasts forever. 
 
I 
 
 I 
 
 94 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS 
 
 HELL, 
 
 Where is hell ? Anywhere outside of Heaven. 
 HEALTH. 
 
 "The surest road to health, say what we will, 
 Is never to suppose we shall be ill ; 
 For roost of evils, we poor mortals know, 
 From doctors and imagination flow." 
 
 — Churchill. 
 
 There is a great difference between those temporal 
 blessings, health and money. The poor laborer 
 will not part with health for money, but the rich 
 will give all his money for health. One is envied, 
 but not enjoyed ; the other enjoyed, but not en- 
 vied. 
 
 'Tis vain, through infinite trouble and strife, 
 How many their labors employ; 
 
 For all that is truly delightful in life 
 Is what all, if they wish, may enjoy. 
 
 HOME. 
 
 "The scenes of home are rendered happy or 
 miserable, in proportion to the good or evil in- 
 fluence exercised over them by woman." 
 
 "Man through all ages of revolving time, 
 Unchanging man, in every varying clime, 
 
 I 
 
ORIGINAL AXB SELECTED REMARKS. 95 
 
 Deems his o^n land of every land the pride, 
 Belov'd by heaven o'er all the world beside: 
 His home, that spot of earth supreme!}^ blest, 
 A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest." 
 
 — Montgomery. 
 
 Our early days ! How often back 
 We turn on life's bewildering track. 
 To where o'er hill and valley plays 
 The sunlight of our earliest days. 
 
 To make a home happy, with exquisite delight, 
 
 - We should always endeavor to please ; 
 Be in a good humor, from morning to night. 
 Taking all things that happen with ease. 
 
 "The man who builds and wants wherewith to pay 
 Provides a home from which he'll run away." 
 
 — Young. 
 
 He is a fool who builds witliout the means. 
 Better by far board out, to me it seems ; 
 He wants no home, unless he has a wife, 
 So go to work, and lead a happy life. 
 
 I've travelled over many plains. 
 Where flowers of beauty grew, 
 
 When all was pleasant to the eye 
 And lovely to the view ; 
 
96 ORIGIYAL AND SELECTED REMAEKS. 
 
 Have looked on things, in all their pride, 
 
 And radiant as the morn, 
 Yet none appeared so sweet to me 
 
 As the place where I was born. 
 
 HOMESTEAD. 
 
 "What scenes have passed in this old house, 
 
 What scenes of woe and mirth, 
 Since first I saw the fire blaze 
 
 Upon that good old hearth ! 
 If that old clock that looks so grim. 
 
 Could be endowed with speech, 
 What startling tales it could narrate. 
 
 What sermons it could preach ! 
 What graphic pictures it could draw 
 
 Of gladness and despair, 
 Of courtships, weddings, births and deaths, 
 
 Of merriment and prayer ! " 
 
 "Does any honest man obtain that he merits ? 
 Or any knave merit that he obtains ? " 
 
 Mine be the heart that can itself defend, 
 Hate to the foe, devotion to the friend ! 
 The fearless trust, and the relentless strife, 
 Honor unsold, and wrong avenged with life! 
 
 HOPE. 
 
 "Unfading Hope, when life's last embers burn, 
 When soul to soul, and dust to dust return. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 97 
 
 Heaven to tliv charge resigns tlie awful hour. 
 'Tis then '"thy kingdom comes"' Immortal 
 PoTv-er ! 
 
 "True hope is svrift, and liies with swallows win^s ; 
 Kings it makes Gods, and meaner creatures 
 Kings. 
 
 — Pope. 
 
 ■•Hope springs eternal in the liuman breast, 
 Man never is, but always to be blest ; 
 The soul uneasy, and confined from home, 
 Rests and expatiates on a life to come." 
 
 "Tis very certain the desire of life 
 
 Prolongs it: tliis is obvious to physicians 
 When patients, if not plagued with friend or wife, 
 Survive through very desperate conditions ; 
 Despair of all recovery, spoils longevity, 
 And makes mams miseiy of alarming brevity- " 
 
 HOSPITALITY. 
 
 ■pis in my house my friends are free, 
 Free with everything they see ; 
 Free to pass a harmless joke. 
 Or to take a friendly smoke ; 
 To eat or drink just what they please. 
 As if at home, and at their ease ; 
 Free to stay all night, just so ! 
 But if uneas}'— free to go. 
 
98 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 " His frugal breakfast shines with reputation, 
 His dinners are the wonder of the nation ; 
 With these he treats both common folks and 
 quality, 
 
 Where'er he goes they praise his hospitality." 
 
 — Wolcott. 
 
 HOUSEKEEPER. 
 
 There's nothing worthier can be found, 
 In woman, than to look around, 
 And all lier household goods survey. 
 And neatness in the same display. 
 
 HUNGER. 
 
 "As a man is a carnivorous production, 
 
 He must liave meat, at least one meal a day ; 
 He cannot live, like woodchucks, upon suction, 
 But, like the sharker tiger, must have prey." 
 
 HYPOCRISY. 
 
 "An open foe may prove a curse. 
 But a pretended friend is worse." 
 
 — Gay. 
 
 Ostentatious hypocrisy creates disgust, whilst 
 conceited ignorance only excites pity. 
 
 Thy love is vain, thy friendship all a cheat, 
 Thy smiles hypocrisy, and thy words deceit." 
 
 — Byron, 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED BE3TARKS. S9 
 
 There is as much hypocrisy in the carnal as 
 there is in a religions life. Men are often sick of 
 this world, and think about religion, whilst pro- 
 fessors are sick of their religion, but in love with, 
 the world. 
 
 There is no species of hypocrisy so base as that 
 which men practice by fraud, under the guise of 
 morality. 
 
 If the devil were to write a book, it would cer- 
 tainly be in praise of virtue, for those who profess 
 to be good, would purchase it for its title, while 
 the wicked woulcb read it for their own ostenta- 
 tion. 
 
 HYPOCRITE. 
 
 "A creature of amphibious nature, 
 A beast on land, a fish in water ; 
 His best attempts so mixed with sin, 
 A sheep without, but a wolf within." 
 
 —Butler. 
 
 IDLENESS. 
 
 Waste not thy spring of youth 
 In idle dalliance; but plant rich seeds. 
 To blossom in t:iy manhoo.l, tliat may bear fruit 
 When you are gray with age." 
 
100 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 "What is the issue of your sloth ? 
 
 Of sloth comes pleasure, of pleastire riot, 
 
 Of riot comes disease, of disease comes spending, 
 
 Of spending want, of want comes theft, 
 
 And last — of theft comes hanging." 
 
 IGNORANCE. 
 
 He who attempts to show his learning to the 
 ignorant generally exposes his ignorance to the 
 learned. 
 
 "There's many a boy returns from school, 
 
 A Hebrew, Greek, or Latin, fool ; 
 The classics prove a stumbling block. 
 
 He never learned his ' Hie, Haec, Hock.' " 
 
 — Pattison. 
 
 INCONSTANCY. 
 
 Good-bye, dear girl, I'd rather make 
 My home upon the infernal lake. 
 Where the bright sun can never shine, 
 "Thau trust to love as false as thine." 
 
 " Oh, woman, your heart is a pitiful treasure. 
 And Mahomet's doctrine is not too severe ; 
 
 He says, 'You are but materials of pleasure,' 
 And reason and thinking are out of your sphere.'^ 
 
 INDIFFERENCE. 
 
 "Your coolness I heed not, your frown I defy, 
 Your affection I need not, the time has gone by; 
 
ORIGINAL AXI) SELECTED REMAUKS. IQI 
 
 Not a l)lusli or a kiss from your clieek coukl be- 
 guile, 
 
 My soul from, its safety, 'tis hypocrisy's smile." 
 
 — Osgood^ 
 
 INDOLENCE. 
 
 A want of occupation is not rest ; 
 
 The mind, if vacant, is a mind distressed. 
 
 INFATUATION, 
 
 My heart was caught by her dark eyes, 
 I felt my soul grow tender ; 
 
 What would I give for such a prize ? 
 She's a girl of royal splendor. 
 
 If fame, and wealth, and love, were mine, 
 And health and youth possessed me ; 
 
 I'd give the gold of Ophir's mine 
 To get her to caress me. 
 
 On her sweet lips I'd leave a kiss, 
 I never should forget it ; 
 
 T'would be to me celestial bliss, 
 And she would not regret it. 
 
 INFIDELS. 
 
 "Julius Caesar died proudly adjusting his robe, 
 that he might die gracefully; Augustus, flattering 
 his wife; Yespasian, jesting; Hume, joking about 
 
102 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Charon and liis boat; Rousseau, bragging and 
 boasting; Voltaire, cursing yet supiDlicating ; and 
 Tom Paine, with shrieks of agony and remorse. " 
 
 INFLUENCE, 
 
 No love nor money hath the power 
 Like woman in the conquering hour; 
 Be tliou but fair, mankind adore you, 
 But when you frown, he yields before you. 
 
 "At Beauty's door of glass, 
 
 Where Wealth and Talent stood, 
 They ask'd her, " Which might pass ?" 
 
 She answered, He who could." 
 With golden key Wealth thought 
 
 To pass, but 'twould not do; 
 While Brains a diamond bought, 
 
 And cut his bright way through." 
 
 — Moore, 
 
 'Twill ever be the case 
 With her who seeks for gold ; 
 
 For if she prove so base 
 Her ha^^piness is sold. 
 
 INGRATITUDE. 
 
 Men who are always blind to their own faults 
 are sure to discover the faults of others. 
 
 Ungrateful friends, deceitful, full of lies. 
 Like bees in flowers they sting us with surprise. 
 
ORIGINAL AXD SELECTED EEMAEKS. 
 
 103 
 
 ''If there be a crime of deeper dye than all the 
 guilty train of human vices, 'tis base ingratitude." 
 
 Garrick, Forrest, Booth, and Macready hare 
 each realized a richer harvest in one night, by the 
 performance of Shakespeare's plays, than the poet 
 and author realized by his genius which inspired 
 the whole of them. 
 
 INJUSTICE. 
 
 '"What stronger breast-plate than a heart un- 
 tainted, 
 
 Tlirice is he arm'd who has his quarrel just ; 
 And he but naked, tho" locked up in steel, 
 Ty'hose conscience with injustice is corrupted." 
 
 — Shalesijeare. 
 
 INSTINCT. 
 
 '■Learn from the bii'ds what food the thickets 
 yield ; 
 
 Learn from the beasts what physic's in the 
 field: 
 
 Learn of the mole to j^lo^'^ghr "^be worm to 
 weave. 
 
 The art of living from the ant receive." 
 
 • — Poxje, 
 
 INSTHUCTION. 
 
 "^Vise men are instructed by reason ; foolish men 
 
104 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED BEMARKS. 
 
 by experience; ignorant men by necessity; and 
 beasts only by nature. 
 
 INTELLiaENCE, 
 
 A Pliilosopher was asked : ' ' What should chil- 
 dren learn to improve their minds ? " He replied: 
 "Just what those minds would approve in old 
 age, and nothing more." 
 
 INTEMPERANCE. 
 
 "Man, with raging drink inflamed, 
 Is like a savage, wlien untamed ; 
 Supplying loss of wit, or sense 
 With blasphemy or insolence." 
 
 In youth intemperance, by sad experience found, 
 Ends in an age, imperfect, and unsound. 
 
 — Denliam. 
 
 INVENTIONS, 
 
 Every new invention affords additional liglit to 
 guide us to a new discovery; and will so continue, 
 until all the dark corners of ignorance are visited 
 by tlie rays of science. 
 
 INVITATION. 
 
 From your dinner one guest I hope you will spare, 
 For the charms of the country doth beckon me 
 there ; 
 
 I'm a pilgrim of nature, and ever shall be, 
 Your city's too stiff — so I can't dine with thee. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEJTAEKS. IQo 
 
 JEALOUSY. 
 
 'We should not complain at all times of a jealous 
 vv-ife. for slie often speaks of a subject that pleases 
 her husband. 
 
 JESTIN3-, 
 
 ••Of all our griefs, \vhen once distressed, 
 
 Sure the most bitter is a cruel jest : 
 
 Fate never rounds more deep a noble heart 
 
 Than v^-hen a blockhead's insult points the dart." 
 
 — Joh'/ison. 
 
 Improper jests untimely spoken 
 The closest ties have often broken; 
 Men vrill fall out. they ask not 'why, 
 Till vrord and anger both grow high; 
 Tho" one be weak, another strong. 
 It often happens both are wrong. 
 
 JUDGES. 
 
 How oft our Judges, who rule by laws, 
 -STeglect a plain and honest cause : 
 'Tis vile corruption, in our land, 
 That bribes with gold their filthy hand. 
 They have forgot — or never knew — 
 That God will judge these Judges too. 
 
 JUDGING-. 
 
 The faults and weaknesses of men are kno^n 
 from their enemies, their virtues and abilities from 
 
103 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED HEM ARKS. 
 
 their friends; and tlieir lives and habits from tiieir 
 servants. 
 
 JUSTICE. 
 
 "It is a powerful argument, in the firm belief of 
 a superintending Providence, that every criminal 
 (whether sooner or later) has ever escaped the pun- 
 ishment he deserved at the bar of justice, or a 
 candid confession in the hour of death." 
 
 " Justice, whilst she winks at crimes, 
 Stumbles on innocence sometimes." — Butler, 
 
 KINDNESS. 
 
 A little word in kindness spoken, 
 
 A motion or a tear, 
 Has often heal'd a heart that's broken 
 
 And made a friend sincere. — Watson. 
 
 KISS. 
 
 "I love the sex, and sometimes would reverse, 
 The tyrant's wish — ' That mankind only had 
 One neck, which he, by one fell stroke, might 
 pierce ; ' 
 
 My wish is quite as wide, but not so bad. 
 And yet more tender on the whole than fierce; 
 It being (not now but only in my youth) 
 That eveiy woman had a rosy mouth, 
 I'd kiss them, all at once, from North to South." 
 
 — Byron. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMAEK3. 10? 
 
 Of all delights, pray tell me this, 
 
 TVhat is the thing vre call a kiss? 
 
 It is a creature bom and bred 
 
 "Within 'the lips of cherry red; 
 
 By love and warm desire "tis fed, 
 
 Elysium of the marriage bed. 
 
 It is an active flame that flies 
 
 First to the cheeks, and then the eyes; 
 
 Then, to the chin, the brow, the ear, 
 
 And frisks and flies about elsewherb ; 
 
 Has it a speaking virtue? Yes I 
 
 How shall I know? "\Miy just do this: 
 
 Apply your lips, and take that kiss, 
 
 And taste the essence of heavenly bliss. 
 
 'Twas Emma's hand I gently pressed 
 
 And stole an amorous kiss. 
 She, blushing, modestly confessed 
 
 It was ecstatic bliss. 
 
 ZSTow. where is the joy, when we trifle and toy, 
 Yet dread some disaster from beauty? 
 
 For sweet is the bliss from a conjugal kiss 
 AVlien love mingles pleasure with duty. 
 
 — Weems. 
 
 "Kiss the tear from her lip. you'll find the rose 
 
 Much sweeter for the dew," 
 Unless the drop comes from her nose, 
 
 'Twould then embarrass you. 
 But draw your mouth across your sleeve, 
 Kiss her again, and then, take leave. 
 
108 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 " How pleasant is the welcome kiss 
 
 When daily labor's o'er, 
 And sweet the music of that step 
 
 That meets us at the door." 
 
 — Drake. 
 
 " I never give a kiss," says Lou, 
 " To naughty man, I do abhor it." 
 
 She will not give a kiss 'tis ti'ue, 
 
 She'll tale one though, and thank you for it. 
 
 From the moment she printed that kiss 
 Nor reason, nor rest has been mine, 
 
 My soul has been drunk with the bliss 
 And feels a delirium divine. 
 
 "When on your sweet lips for a moment I gazed 
 
 A thousand temptations beset me. 
 And I thought I could kiss till a blister I raised 
 
 And how delicious 'twould be, if you let me." 
 
 — Moore. 
 
 KNOWLEDGE, 
 
 Reading furnishes the mind with the rough ma- 
 terials; Reflection prepares it for constructing; and 
 Study completes the edifice. 
 
 "Who reads incessantly, yet to his reading brings 
 not 
 
 Good sense, or judgment, equal or superior, 
 
OEiaiXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 109 
 
 Unlearned, unsettled, and uncertain still remains; 
 DeejD versed in books, but shallow in himself."' 
 
 —Milton. 
 
 The sublimest form of knowledge is theology, 
 and the next is history; without the former we 
 would be ignorant of eternity, without the latter 
 we would be ignorant of time ; deprived of one, 
 we would know nothing of a God. deprived of 
 the other we would be forgetful of man. 
 
 Knowledge is a commodity, the demand for 
 which is always greater than the suppli/. 
 
 LABOR. 
 
 ''Without attempting to unravel the great pur- 
 pose of Jehovah, it was no doubt part of the 
 Divine Economy in deputing a poor carpenter, as 
 the foster-father of our "Redeemer, to stamp upon 
 the cause of labor the seal of His high and holy 
 approval." 
 LADY. 
 
 There are some ladies who are proud to be 
 recognized as the monthly roses of fashion ; but 
 they are not to be compared vsuth those who are 
 evergreens of society, flourishing always, des- 
 pite of the fluctuations and changes of fashion. 
 
110 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 LANGUAGES. 
 
 "Europe has 580; Asia, 396; Africa, 275; and 
 America, 1,2G0 ; and there are 1,000 different forms 
 of religion in these countries." 
 
 LAW. *^ 
 
 " A jury passing on a prisoner's life 
 
 May in the twelve that's sworn 
 
 Have a thief, or more, guiltier than him they try." 
 
 — Sliakespeare. 
 
 He that with injury is grieved. 
 And seeks the law to be relieved, 
 Entrusts his case to cunning men, 
 "Who rob him of his goods again; 
 When all he can expect to gain 
 Is but to squander more in vain. 
 
 A too sensitive interpretation of the law fre- 
 quently produces results not in accordance with 
 equity. 
 
 Law and Equity are two things which God has 
 joined together, but man has too often put 
 asunder. 
 LAWYER. 
 
 A lawyer is the worst sleeper of all men. Why ? 
 First, he lies on one side, and then he lies on the 
 other side, and yet he is "wide awake" all the 
 time." 
 
OIUOIXAL AND SELECTED EE.MARKS. 
 
 Ill 
 
 Men by profession, who practice in deceit, 
 Who wonld, 'twere possible, their Maker cheat; 
 Religion strip of half her sacred creed, 
 And make those poor who are indigent indeed. 
 
 "We know that lawyers can with ease 
 Twist words and meanings as tliey please;" 
 So clients thus are often cheated, 
 Who seek the law should thus be treated. 
 The plaintiff goes to law for gain, 
 Defendant pays the cost with pain; 
 If botli give up 'tis only when 
 Experience makes them better men. 
 
 "Some there are, base in intent, who flutter 
 round the blaze of popularity; vile mercenary 
 wretches, who would for gold forswear themselves, 
 their country and their God; yea, firm allegiance 
 swear to all the powers below, to buy a life of 
 luxury and ease," 
 
 From sad experience we often draw, 
 Trite maxims that apply in law; 
 As every fool should know his brother, 
 We send one rogue to catch another. 
 
 LAZINESS. 
 
 One-half of the world do not honestly make 
 their board and clothing ; for this misfortune one- 
 
113 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED BEMARKS. 
 
 half of the other half suffer trials and tribulations 
 by their laziness. 
 
 LEAP YEAR, 1868. 
 
 This event will not occur again on Saturday be- 
 fore the year 1936, nor has it happened but four 
 times within a hundred years, viz. : 1773, 1813, 
 1840, 1868. 
 
 LEARNING, 
 
 Learning by study must be won, 
 
 'Tis not entailed from sire to son." — Gay. 
 
 "Where Learning imposes hard labor on herfol- 
 lowers she is sure to compensate such devotion 
 with munificent rewards." 
 
 LENT. 
 
 Good-bye to satins, silks and laces, 
 To swallow-tails and smiling faces; 
 Good-bye to opera and to ball, 
 Theatre, lecture, or morning call, 
 ril store away my party dresses, 
 And straighten out my flowing tresses; 
 ril sober down my girlish look, 
 'Tis time to hunt my lost prayer-book; 
 For now, with pious soul intent, 
 'Tis time I think I should repent; 
 
OBIGISAL AXD SELECTED BEilAEES. II3 
 
 I am informed, the parson says. 
 The Lent will last but forty days. 
 Then after, Easter joy and smiles, 
 In looking over the latest styles ; 
 These things in view. Ill rest content, 
 To run through forty days of Lent. 
 
 ■LETTEE,., 
 
 Pray,vrhat did thy letter contain ? 
 '•Xot a line that a serf might not have written 
 an Em^oress."" — Lytton. 
 
 ' - The earth has nothing like a sTie epistle, 
 And hardly heaven — for it never ends ; 
 
 I love to rend a female missaile. 
 
 TThicli never writes in truth what it intends. 
 
 Be cautious then, my friend, for you had better 
 
 Take care what you reply to such a letter."' 
 
 — Byron, 
 
 '"Well. Emma. I've seen your nice billet, 
 
 It came whilst I was at dinner : 
 My appetite was good, but it did kill it, 
 
 Or I swear Old Satan's no sinner. 
 I read it. perused it. and scanM it. 
 
 I pondered, reflected, and thought 
 TVhat the devil induced you to write it; 
 
 The conclusion arrived at — was nought " 
 
114 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 I wrote a letter to my lady love, 
 'Twas filled with words of, keen desire; 
 I hoped to raise a flame, and so I did — 
 The cruel girl — she put it in the fire. 
 
 LIBERTY. 
 
 "No monarch's edict shall contract our powers, 
 The whole unbounded continent is ours." 
 
 — Pilgrims. 
 
 " On the deep billows of the dark blue sea 
 With minds as spacious, and our hearts as free." 
 
 — Pilgrims. 
 
 LIBRARIES. 
 
 Libraries are the great wardrobes of literature, 
 where some authors are clothed for ornament, some 
 for service, but many for curiosity. 
 
 LIES. 
 
 Tliere are more lies told in the simple expression, 
 "I am glad to see you," than any other six words 
 in the English language. 
 
 LIFE. 
 
 " Slow pass our days in childhood — every day 
 seems like a century — rapidly they glide in man- 
 hood; but in old age decline, and like a tale that's 
 told we pass av/ay." — Bryant. 
 
OPJGIXAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 115 
 
 Youth is the comma of life ; middle age the semi- 
 colon; manliood the colon; and death puts the 
 period to old age. 
 
 "How frail our life, hoTr short its date, 
 How insecure our mortal state! 
 Where is the man that draws a breath 
 Safe from disease or safe from death ?" 
 
 "'Tis but a few whose days amount 
 To threescore years and ten; 
 For all beyond that short account 
 Is sorrow, toil and pain." — Watts. 
 
 "Man's life is but a dream — nay less — a shadow 
 of a dream." 
 
 "Live regularly, sociably, and humbly. Regu- 
 larly, as to yourself, sociably to your neighbors, 
 humbly to your God." 
 
 This world has pleasure for us all. 
 
 As well as care and sorrow; 
 What tho' the skies look dark to-day ?— 
 
 They may clear off to-morrow. 
 Then why should we let present cares 
 
 Of former ones remind us ? 
 They're past and gone — so let's forget 
 
 The ills we leave behind us. 
 
116 OBIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 " Like leaves on trees the race of man is found, 
 Now green in youth now withering in the ground; 
 Thus generations in their turn decay. 
 So flourish these when those are past away." 
 
 "The average of human life being 33 years, 25 
 per cent, die under seven, and 50 per cent, under 
 seventeen. One person dies every second of time ; 
 of the living, one in 11,000 reach 100 years, twelve 
 reach 75, and sixteen reach 66. " 
 
 In youth hearts generally win, in manhood dia- 
 monds are the favorites; in advanced years how 
 often clubs are relied upon; but yet 'tis in old age 
 that spades take all the tricks. 
 
 Since every man who lives is born to die, 
 
 And none can boast sincere felicity. 
 
 With equal mind, what happens, let us bear, 
 
 Nor joy, nor grieve for things beyond our care ; 
 
 Like pilgrims to the appointed place we tend ; 
 
 The world's an Inn, and Death our journey's end. 
 
 — Dryden. 
 
 I\ " Life has many sorrows, 
 ■ As it has sunny hours; 
 
 Some are like sharpest thorns, 
 But others are like flowers." 
 
 — Smith. 
 
OniGINAL AND SELECTED EEMABKS. 117 
 
 " Life's a jest and all things show it, 
 I thouglit so once, but now I know it." 
 The reason why — no jest to tell — 
 I've lost the girl I loved so well. — Gay. 
 
 "What is life? An empty vapor, 
 
 Soon it vanishes away ; 
 Flickering, like a dying taper, 
 
 Here on earth how short we stay! 
 There is a life far more resplendent, 
 
 Brighter too than fancy paints. 
 Where in happiness transcendent 
 
 We'll spend our time among the saints. 
 
 Oh ! what a lump of clay 
 Is tliis our mortal frame ! 
 
 Our life how poor a trifle 'tis ! 
 It scarce deserves the name. 
 
 LIGHT. 
 
 • ' ' The night has a thousand eyes, 
 
 And the day has one; 
 Yet the light of tliis world dies 
 
 With the dying sun. 
 The mind has a thousand eyes, 
 
 And the heart but one; 
 Yet the ligiit of a whole life dies 
 
 When our day is done." 
 
 — Bourdillon, 
 
118 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 LITERATUIIE. 
 
 Has lier quacks as well as m'edicine. Some men 
 have erudition without genius, others have fluency 
 without brains: from one we get second-hand 
 sense, and from the other original nonsense. 
 
 In the morning of life it comes to us arrayed 
 in the beauty of hope ; m the evening of declining 
 years, clothed in the beauty of recollection." 
 
 LIVING, 
 
 Judge a man by his good deeds, and he has lived 
 long enough ; judge him by his evil deeds, ho has 
 lived too long; but judge ]iim by his own desires, 
 and he will never die. 
 
 LOaUACITY. 
 
 *'If, in talking from morning to night, 
 A sign of our Avisdom there be, 
 
 The swallows are Miser by riglit, 
 For they chatter much faster than we. 
 
 — Moore. 
 
 »-o^ 
 
 LOTTERY. 
 
 He that in a lottery spends his cash 
 
 Is more or less a thief, say what you can; 
 
 For, ten to one, lie stole the very trasli 
 That bought tlie ticket, from anotlier man. 
 
aniGIXAL AXn SELECTED BEMAI^KS. 119 
 
 LOVE, 
 
 "^ly heart owns none before thee — 
 For thee, dear girl, I thirst ; 
 This knowing, if I love thee, 
 Thou must have loved me first." 
 
 "Some feelings are to mortals given, 
 With less of earth and more of heaven;-' 
 How happy should I feel to see 
 Such pleasure now 'twixt you and me. 
 
 " Oh! Tvhat was love made for, if 'tis not the same 
 Through joy and through sorrow— through glory 
 and shame." 
 
 — Moore. 
 
 I love thee in the Springtime's blushing hour, 
 
 I love thee in the Summer's brightest day; 
 
 I love thee in Autumn's budding flower, 
 
 And love thee still in Winter, say what you may ; 
 
 No, not an hour in the year will see 
 
 My heart grow cold — 'tis always warm for thee. 
 
 "'Tis Love whose violent property undoes itself, 
 And leads the will to desperate undertakings. 
 As oft as any passion under heaven 
 That does afflict our natures." — SJiakesjyeare. 
 
 "He says he loves her; I think so, too; for never 
 gazed the moon upon the water as he'll stand and 
 
120 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 read, as 'twere, her very eyes; and, to be plain, I 
 think there is not half a kiss to choose who loves 
 each other best." — Shakespeare. 
 
 "By the roses of the spring, 
 By beauty, virtue, truth and everything, 
 I love thee so that, spite of all thy pride, 
 Nor wit, nor reason, can my passion hide." 
 
 ' ' Aye, better to live in poverty with him I love 
 than to despair in pomp and luxury, which are but 
 as the flowers that adorn the victim before the sac- 
 rifice." 
 
 " In submission I yield to your charms and allow 
 That in graces but few are above you ; 
 
 And, charming and fair as I see you, I vow — 
 For I will not deny it — I love you. 
 
 " Oil ! what a pain to love it is, 
 Yet 'tis a pain that pain to miss; 
 But of all pains the greatest pain 
 To love and not be loved again." 
 
 — Cowley, 
 
 "I did not know I loved him so, 
 Until I bade him leave me ; 
 
 I did not know, when he did go, 
 His absence thus would grieve me ; 
 
ORIGINAL ANB SELECTED REMARKS. 121 
 
 Xow. since he's gone, I feel forlorn, 
 
 I tliink all day about him — 
 To cancel all, I'll liim recall 
 
 I feel so sad without him."' 
 
 — Watson. 
 
 "That man who hath not loved 
 Hath half the sweetness of his life unproved; 
 Like he, wlio, with the grape within his grasjD, 
 Out from his careless and unheeding clasp 
 Drops it, with all its hidden juice unpressed, 
 And all its luscious sweetness left unguessed." 
 
 — Townsend, 
 
 If you cannot inspire a woman to love you, fill 
 her to overflowing with love for herself; all that 
 runs over will be yours. 
 
 I loved thee once I Yes, tell me when it was 
 I loved thee not? In childhood, youth, in manhood 
 And old age — in all I loved thee! 
 And were I once again to live life over, thou 
 would'st be 
 
 To me in memory dear, that I might truly say in- 
 deed, 
 
 "I loved thee once," but that Avas all my life. 
 
 ''Love born in hours of joy and mirth, 
 TVith joy and mirth may perish, 
 TThilst that to which our ills gave birth 
 We oft-times fondly cherish." — Bai'-ti>a. 
 
122 01UGI¥AL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 In joy or sorrow such is the fate 
 Of all who enter the marriage state. 
 
 Yes, you may smile, young man, but still 'tis true, 
 And not the fiction of a distempered brain; 
 
 The first effect of love, like morning dew. 
 
 If crushed ne'er sparkles on that flower again; 
 
 Unless, perchance, like clouds behind the skies, 
 
 It shines again more bright when morn arise. 
 
 "How much do I love thee ? Go ask the deep sea 
 How many rare gems in its coral caves be ; 
 How much do I love thee ? Go ask of a star 
 How many such worlds in the universe are ; 
 How much do I love thee ? Go ask of the sun 
 To tell when his course will forever be done; 
 How much do I love thee tliese secrets reveal; 
 You can learn from my bosom, which loves thee 
 can feel." — Townsencl. 
 
 A better proof I would suggest, 
 
 I'd like to make the trial ; 
 No doubt you'll think 'tis for the best, 
 
 If met with no denial; 
 From your sweet lips pray let me steal 
 
 Just v)liat the spirit moves you; 
 'Tis then you will begin to feel 
 
 How much in truth "I love you." 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. VZ'6 
 
 LTJXTJUY, 
 
 "Real Poverty, disguised in gold, 
 In Luxury's lap ^^e oft behold ; 
 While truest Wealth and noblest Worth 
 In rags and ruin T^•alk the earth." 
 
 "I do confess, in many a sigh, 
 My lips have told you many a lie ; 
 But who, with such delights in view. 
 Would lose the chance for a Ke or two?" 
 
 MAIDEN. 
 
 In Arorldly goods she may be poor, 
 
 Whilst otliers boast of riches ; 
 Still many things she lias in store 
 
 Which mortal man bewitches. 
 Her beauty, grace, and manners all 
 
 Adorn her walk through life ; 
 Ten thousand times I'd take her chance 
 
 To make the better wife. 
 
 MAIDENS. ^ 
 
 Maidens, like moths, are often caught by glare, 
 And Mammon wins where Cupid would despair. 
 
 — Byron. 
 
 MAIDS, (OLD.) 
 
 Such be my condition, whether wretched or blest, 
 Old maid is a term I do firmly detest ; 
 And rather than suffer such a horrible fate 
 I will marry a man whom I perfectly hate. 
 
124 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED TiEMAEKS.. 
 
 And so slie's engaged to be married ; 
 
 How often I've heard of her said 
 That if mucli longer she tarried 
 
 She surely would be an old maid. 
 I pity the unfortunate fellow, 
 
 For I'm often inclined to believe 
 That old maids, like apples, though mellow, 
 
 Like apples, at heart they deceive. 
 She's a scheming coquette, and I know it, 
 
 She hasn't the least bit of soul. 
 And, to tell you the truth, she will show it, 
 
 When she's married, by taking control. 
 
 You may laugh ; but, believe me, you're all in the 
 wrong. 
 
 When merrily old maids you deride ; 
 For to them, I am sure, certain pleasures belong, 
 In which bachelors alone can confide. 
 
 MAN. 
 
 ''What a piece of work is man! How noble in 
 reason! How infinite in faculties! In form and 
 moving how express and admirable ! In action how 
 like an angel! In apprehension how like a God! 
 The beauty of the world! The paragon of arii- 
 mals ! And yet, what is man? — the quintessence of 
 dust ! 
 
 "Reading maketh a full man ; speaking, a ready 
 man ; writing, an exact man." — Lord Bacon. 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EE2IARES. 125 
 
 Mankind are properly divided into three classes: 
 First, Those who study the jjcis^ in endeavoring 
 
 to imitate the virtues of their ancestors. 
 .Second, Those who think only of the 'frre^ent^ 
 
 and are busy at all hours promoting their worldly 
 
 interest. 
 
 Third, Those who are only anxious about the 
 future^ and to enjoy which are ready to sacrifice 
 all advantages, both of the past and the present. 
 
 He is a good man, whose friends are all good 
 and whose enemies are all bad. 
 
 "Gnats are unnoticed, wdiereso'er they fly, 
 But eagles are gazed upon, by every eye ; 
 Just so with men : some always in the way, 
 Whilst others we admire, whatever they say." 
 
 Mankind one day serene and free appear. 
 The next grow cloudy, sullen and severe ; 
 Kew passions, new opinions, still excite, 
 And what he liked at noon he hates at night." 
 
 — Qartli. 
 
 "How few are found', wdtli equal talents blest, 
 Fewer with nature's gifts contented rest ; 
 Man from his sphere, eccentric, starts away 
 To seek for fame, but oft mistakes the way." 
 
 — Churcldll. 
 
126 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 KLAimiAGE. 
 
 How often we see in our progress through life, 
 where the affections are not properly secured Lefore- 
 liand, that those who marry where they do not love 
 are sure to love where they do not marry. 
 
 "There's a bliss beyond all that the minstrel has 
 told, 
 
 When two that are linked in a heavenly tie, 
 With hearts never changing, and love never 
 cold, 
 
 But amidst every fate love on till they die." 
 
 *'How happy they — the happiest of their kind — 
 Whom love secures, and in one fate unite! 
 Their hearts, their fortunes, and their beings 
 blend, 
 
 In all things here on earth to take delight." 
 
 — Tlmnpson. 
 
 Let no repugnance to the single state 
 Lead to a marriage with a worthless mate ; 
 A single lady, though advanced in life, 
 Is far more happy than an ill-matched wife. 
 
 " Blest be the tie that binds 
 Two willing hearts in love ; 
 The fellowship of kindred minds 
 Is like to that above. " — Watts. 
 
OEIGIXIL Ayj) SELECTED EEMAEKS. 127 
 
 " There swims no goose so old but, soon or late, 
 She finds some honest gander for her mate." 
 
 "The husband's sullen, dogged, shy. 
 The wife grows angry in reply; 
 He then commands with due restriction, 
 And she full well likes contradiction. 
 She never slavislily submits, 
 She'll have her way, or go to fits ; 
 He one way tugs, she that way draws, 
 And both find fault, with equal cause." 
 
 —Gay. 
 
 "Thy soul and mine, by mutual courtship won. 
 Meet like two mingling flames and make ])ut one ; 
 Union of hearts, not hands, does marriage make, 
 And cordial sympathy keeps love awake." — Rill. 
 
 Though fools spurn Hymen's gentle powers, 
 Those who improve his golden hours 
 
 By sweet experience know, 
 That marriage rightly understood 
 Gives to the amiable and good 
 
 A Paradise below. — Cotton. 
 
 Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes 
 better than the dinner. 
 
 If Heaven is ever felt below 
 A scene so like it, sure is this, 
 
 When bride and groom begin to know 
 A foretaste of celestial bliss. 
 
128 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMAUKS. 
 
 Roses bloom, and then they perish, 
 Cheeks are bright, then fade away; 
 
 Marry him whose love you cherish, 
 Nor postpone the happy day. 
 
 " The man who secures a good son-in-law gains 
 another son, but he who has found a bad one 
 loses a daughter." 
 
 What are all tlie charms of earth 
 With its pride or treasures wortli, 
 Without a wife close by your side, 
 Your joys or miseries to divide? 
 ^TM^as Providence,, with gracious plan, 
 Distinctly saw and told to man 
 ''He was not made to live alone," 
 Therefore marriage first was known. 
 
 May every tie that binds thee 
 
 In tliis marriage always prove 
 (As I know it will remind me) 
 
 Of the pleasures when ice loved. 
 How oft, asleep or waking, 
 
 Thy image haunts me yet ; 
 My heart is almost breaking 
 
 For the girl I can^t forget. 
 
 I'm married and happy, now do you hear this, 
 You men, who wei-e never engaged? 
 
 Invest all your funds in ccmjugal bliss, 
 'Tis the best paying stock of the age. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMABKS. 129 
 
 IttEASTJUE (See Weights). 
 
 A bushel is 18^ in. X8 in. and contains 2,218 
 cnljic inches ; heaped measure is 2. 815 cubic inches. 
 
 The Enghsh "quarter" is eight bushels, or 
 560 lbs. 
 
 A gallon of flour is T lbs., or 28 gallons a bbl. 
 A gallon of water weighs 8^ lbs., a cubic foot 62 
 lbs. 
 
 A Scotch pint is an English half gallon. 
 
 A French foot is to the American as 9i-o to 10. 
 
 A bushel of -udieat weighs 60 lbs. ; corn, 56 ; lye, 
 52; barley, 47; clover, 65; beans, 63; oats, 34; 
 peas, 64. 
 
 A surveyor's chain is 22 yards. 80=a mile. 
 
 To find the bushels of cubic feet. x45-^56, or 
 X8 and cut off the last figure. 
 
 XoTE. — To measure corn "net. "take one-half of 
 the product. 
 
 To find the area of a circle multiply half the 
 diameter by one-half the circumference. 
 
 To find the contents of a pyramid (or cone), find 
 the area of the base (as above), multiply by the 
 height and take ^. 
 
 To find the nttmber of gallons find the cubic 
 feet and X6j; there are 230 cubic inches in a 
 gallon. 
 
130 OEIGJNAL AND SELECTED BEMABK8. 
 
 MEDIOCRITY. 
 
 Poverty too often makes men cold and callous, 
 and property as often makes fliem arrogant and 
 proud; it is generally in the middle classes of 
 society we find the most genial and amiable char- 
 acteristics of human nature. 
 
 MEDITATION. 
 
 There are moments, methinks, when the spirit 
 receives 
 
 Whole volumes of thought on its unwritten leaves ; 
 When the folds of the heart in a moment unclose 
 Like the innermost leaves- from the heart of the 
 rose. 
 
 • — 
 
 MELANCHOLY. 
 
 "Why should a man whose blood is warm 
 within sit like his grand-sire, cut in alabaster ? " 
 
 MEMORY. *^ 
 
 " Long, long be my heart with such memories 
 filled; 
 
 Like the vase in which roses have once been dis- 
 tilled. 
 
 You may break, you may ruin, the vase if you will, 
 But the perfume of roses will hang round it still." 
 
 It is no vision fair, of transitory hue, 
 The souls of those whom once on earth we knew, 
 And loved, and walked with in communion kind, 
 Departed hence, again in Heaven to find. 
 
OEIGIXAL AND SELECTED F^EJIARKS. 131 
 
 MERCHANT. 
 
 The -worldly merchant ventures far and near, 
 Nor shuns the land or sea to make his gain ; 
 
 Thinks neither travel, care, nor cost too dear 
 If that his losses never give him pain ; 
 
 But when his cargo safely lands on shore 
 
 Converts it into gold, yet still desires more. 
 
 KLERIT. 
 
 Be thou the first true merit to befriend, 
 His praise is lost who stays till all commend. 
 
 A noble mind, unconscious of a fault, 
 iSTo fortune's frown can bend or smiles exalt; 
 Like tlie firm rock, which m mid-ocean braves 
 The rage of whirlwinds and the dash of waves. 
 
 METALS. 
 
 Gold can be hammered so that 1.300,000 layers 
 woukl make an inch; an iron bar (of any weight), 
 will support its own weight if extended 3i miles 
 in extent, and a wire of steel will sustain its own 
 weight at a length of 13 miles. 
 
 MIND. 
 
 With curious art the l3rain too finely wrottght 
 Preys on itself and is destroyed by thought; 
 Constant attention wears an active mind, 
 Destroys her powers and leaves a blank behind." 
 
 — Churchill. 
 
132 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 "•The mind ainiclst the ruin of all earthly things, 
 Firm as tlie solid base of this great world, 
 Rests on its own foundation," 
 
 The minds of men are as different as their faces, 
 they all seem to be travelling to one end — Happi- 
 ness — yet no two of them travel the same road. 
 
 We often find traits essentially '■'■feminine,''' in 
 the mental character of men of genius, and de- 
 cidedly ^'■7nascuUiie'''' traits in the intellectual de 
 velopment of a gifted woman. 
 
 Mental pleasures never satiate; unlike those of 
 the body, they are increased by study, approved by 
 reflection, and strengthened by enjoyment. 
 
 MIITISTRY. 
 
 The preservation of the ministry in despite of trials, 
 difficulties, persecution and sorrow — in the midst 
 of grief, perplexity and opposition — is one of the 
 most convincing proofs of the divinity of the Chris- 
 tian religion. 
 
 MIRROR. ^ 
 
 What a charming fine glass! no wonder the Graces 
 So often come here to behold their fine faces; 
 Why, it shows every feature, copies every com- 
 plexion. 
 
 And affords to us all, a place for re/lection. 
 
ORIGINAL AXD SELECTED HEJIAIiKS. 
 
 133 
 
 lORTH, 
 
 " jMirth is the merlicine of life, 
 It cures its ills, it calms its strife ; 
 It softly smooths the brow of care 
 And writes a thousand graces there." 
 
 MISER. 
 
 As S(mie lone miser visiting his store, 
 JBends at his treasure as he counts it o'er; 
 Pile after pile his rising raptures fill, 
 Yet still he sighs — for more is wanting- still. 
 
 A leech in disposition ; a screw-auger in his ac- 
 tion ; a snake in his twisting ; a vice in his deal- 
 ings, and a lobster in manipulation. 
 
 'Tis strange the miser should his care employ 
 To hoard up riches other men enjoy; 
 Through life's dark ways his daily duty bends, 
 And thinks of nought but stocks and dividends. 
 
 He dies, but leaves his wealth behind. 
 
 His putrid corpse is cold ; 
 No longer he a pleasure finds 
 
 In counting o'er his gold; 
 So let him rest in quiet now. 
 
 He's free from' worldly evil; 
 But when he gets to hell below 
 
 He's sure to cheat the Devil. 
 
 MISFOHTTJNE, 
 
 ' ' For each man who sincerely pities our misfor- 
 
134 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 tune, tliere ai:e a thousand who sincerely hate our 
 success.'* 
 
 " Of all the horrid, hideous notes of woe, 
 More sad than howling in a midnight blast, 
 
 Is that portentous phrase, ' / told you so^ ' 
 Uttered by friends, as projjhets of the past; 
 
 Instead of saying wliat you now should do. 
 Foretell that you would surely fail at last." 
 
 — Byron. 
 
 Sympathy enables us to bear the misfortunes of 
 others, but religion alone can teach us to bear our 
 own with resignation. 
 
 MISSES. 
 
 One extravagant Miss won't cost a man less 
 Than a dozen good wives who are saving; 
 
 For wives they will spare, that others may share, 
 But the Misses forever are craving. 
 
 MODESTY. 
 
 As lamps burn silent with unconscious light, 
 So modesty in beauty shines more bright ; 
 Unaiming-tiharms with rays resistless fall. 
 And she who means no miscliief does it all. 
 
 MONEY. 
 
 Tliere is a plan for gaining money 
 Better than banking, trade or leases; 
 
 Take a bank-note and fold it across, ^ 
 And then you will find your money in-creases. 
 
OEIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 135 
 
 MORALITY. 
 
 "There are, 'tis true, melanclioly instances of 
 great intellectual powers, united to acquisitions 
 from the whole circle of learning, without a corres- 
 ponding moral elevation; but 'tis the general order 
 of Providence that whatever enlarges and exalts 
 the intellect ; promotes, purifies and invigorates 
 the virtues of the heart.'' — Preston. 
 
 A corruption of morals invariably follows a 
 wicked profanation of the Sabbath. 
 
 MORTALITY. 
 
 Of the whole human family, one-fourtli die be- 
 fore they reach one year of age; one-third before 
 three years; one-half before eighteen years, and 
 two-thirds never reach forty; three-fourths die be- 
 fore fifty-five, only twelve per cent, reach three- 
 score and ten; and for every 12,000, only one per- 
 son reaches one hundred years of age. 
 
 MOTHER, 
 
 From the lips of a mother the infant hears the 
 first accents of affection ; in youth he receives the 
 first lessons of duty; in manhood, for her sake, he 
 undertakes the boldest enterprises ; in maturer years 
 he encounters danger and even death itself ; whilst 
 
136 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS, 
 
 in his declining years 'tis a mother that atfords 
 tire last consolations of a dying bed. 
 
 MUBDER, 
 
 ' ' To take one's life is murder by the law, 
 The gallows keeps the murderer's hand in awe ; 
 To murder thousands takes a specious name, 
 We go to war, to gain immortal fame." 
 
 — Young. 
 
 MUSIC. 
 
 "The man who hath not music in himself, and 
 is not moved with concord of sweet sounds, is 
 only fit for treason, stratagem, and spoils." 
 
 — 81ialces])eare. 
 
 "Music the fiercest grief can charm. 
 And fate's severest rage disarm ; 
 Our joys below it can improve 
 And antedate the bliss above ; " 
 But when you thump that big piano, 
 Just pause a moment, dear Diana! 
 For those who listen — O, what pain, 
 Applauding music in such a strain. 
 
 MYSTERY. 
 
 It is the greatest mystery in the records of 
 time, "that in the beginning God created all 
 things ; " yet there is a mystery of mysteries. 
 Who created that beginning ? If God, then eter- 
 
OBIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 137 
 
 riity can alone SDlve the greatest of all mysteries 
 — TS'lio created God ? 
 
 NAME. 
 
 Words cut in marble are but trifles spent: 
 'Tis a good name that makes tlie monument." 
 
 NAPOLEON. 
 
 ■• His game "\vas empires: his stakes were thrones, 
 Ms table eaitli; his dice were human bones." 
 
 — Byron. 
 
 NATIONALITY. 
 
 '•The spirit of a nation, like that of man, is 
 immortal : the Parthenon may be robbed of its im- 
 posing decorations, and the Colyseum exist only 
 in mutilated grandeur, but the spirit of the mights- 
 nations that gave them existence, breathing in 
 their undying literature, will survive to the latest 
 season of recorded time." — Beyiiolds. 
 
 "The strongest sentiment on the continent is 
 nationality. Boil a Xew Englander. and you will 
 find the soup made of Fourth of July, and Ameri- 
 can Independence swimming on top."" — Pnillips. 
 
 NATIONS. 
 
 There are three hundred distinct nations and 
 tribes of human beings on earth, in almost as many 
 
138 OniGlNAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 different stages of civilization, dialects, knowledge 
 and forms of government. 
 
 NATTJRE. 
 
 " Unerring nature, still divinely bright, 
 One clear, unchanged, and universal light ; 
 Life, force, and beauty, must to all impart. 
 At once the test, the source, the end of art. " 
 . 
 
 Nature hath nothing made so base but can 
 Read some instruction to the wisest man. 
 
 " There is no void in Nature; her operations 
 are by mutual and imperceptible gradations: the 
 mineral joins the vegetable, the vegetable the 
 animal, the animal the intellectual." 
 
 He who journeys throagh life, whatever may be 
 his experience of books, without a knowledge of 
 human nature, is like the German without his 
 pipe; the Italian without his fiddle; the French- 
 man without his mistress, or the Englishman with- 
 out his umbrella. 
 
 NEWS. 
 
 "The crowd will gather round the man of news, 
 And listen with their mouths wide open ; 
 
ORIQmAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 139 
 
 Some tell, some hear, but all will judge the news, 
 . And he is most believed who lies most open." 
 
 — Dryden. 
 
 "The 'news!' 'tis morning, noon and evening cry, 
 Day after day repeated till we die ; 
 Yes, about the corpse of friend we gather round 
 And ask ' the news,' then lay him in the ground." 
 
 —S2:)rague. 
 
 NOBILITY (THE). 
 
 " One of the greatest advantages which ^noble- 
 men ' (or the aristocracy) possess over other men, 
 is that of being often attended by servants of 
 more talent than themselves." — Disraeli. 
 
 NOSTRUMS. 
 
 "If we read the catalogue of disorders we are 
 astonished tliat men live. When we read the cata- 
 logue of cures we are surprised that they die." 
 
 NOVELS. 
 
 The highest merit that can be claimed for popu- 
 lar fiction is, that it occasionally supplies relaxation 
 and amusement for partially exhausted, intellectual 
 energy. 
 
 Light and empty minds are always running after 
 trashy, superficial literature, just as the winds flow 
 
140 OBIGINAL AND SELECTED BEMAllKS. 
 
 towards the i^lace whei'e there is the "east rarefied 
 atmosphere. 
 
 'Tis happiness to lounge upon a couch, says Gay, 
 And read dime novels on a rainy day ; 
 But when night comes you sneak away to bed 
 With not one virtuous idea in your head. 
 
 "He said the world, as time would prove. 
 Was filled with cunning and with love. 
 Just so with novels ; for what else 
 Is in them all but love and nonsense?" 
 
 — Butler. 
 
 NOVELTY. 
 
 Of all the passions that possess mankind. 
 The love of novelty rules most the mind. 
 In search of this from world to world we roam 
 To send our fleets with every folly home. 
 
 NUTRIMENT. 
 
 Beef, 26 per cent. 
 Veal, 25 " 
 Mutton, 27 " 
 Pork, 24 
 Fowls, 27 " 
 Fish, 18 " 
 Eggs, 14 " 
 Milk, 7 
 Turnips, 4 " 
 Melons. 3 " 
 
 Flour, 90 per cent. 
 Meal, 90 
 Barley, 88 " 
 Rice, 86 " 
 Rye, 78 
 Oats, 74 
 Potatoes, 24 " 
 Beets, 15 " 
 Carrots, 10 " 
 Cabbages, 7 
 
OIUGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEirARKS. 
 
 OATS. 
 
 •■He that requires an oath makes it. 
 Xot he ^ho by compulsion takes it. 
 HoTvthen can any man be said 
 To make an oath he never made?"' — Butler. 
 
 OBEY. 
 
 The preacher says tlie fate ordain 
 
 That women must obey; 
 But common sense, that man shoukl reign, 
 
 Yet each vrill have their way. 
 
 OBSTINACY. 
 
 Some fools I know — dear reader, is it you? — 
 TTho. if once wrong, " will still the wrong pursue." 
 'Tis better far to own your errors past 
 Than cling to notions tbat are wrong at last. 
 
 For if she will, she will, depend upon it. 
 
 But if she won't, she won't, and there's an end on't. 
 
 OBSTINATE. 
 
 How often do we see mankind 
 To good advice both dumb and blind ; 
 With perverse notions in their head. 
 Like stupid mules, they must be lead. 
 
 OFEICE. 
 
 To hold a place in council was once an honor, 
 fit reward esteemed for virtue, but now its lustre 
 
142 OEIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 dim'd, its reputation lost, 'tis made a mercenary 
 purchase. " — Massinger. 
 
 OMNIPOTENCE. 
 
 'Twas great to make this world from naught, 
 
 But greater to redeem it ; 
 Yet greater still will be the thought, 
 
 Where are we? — when we leave it. 
 
 ORATORY. 
 
 " Some men so strut and bellow that I have 
 thought that nature's journeymen had made them 
 and not made them well — they imitate humanity so 
 badly. " — Shakespeare. 
 
 " There are some men in this world who would 
 rather talk than listen, though Shakespeare were 
 the orator and human nature the theme." 
 
 Those who make the most noise, with the least 
 wit or argument, should take a lesson from nature. 
 She often gives us the lightning without the thun- 
 der, but never thunder without lightning. 
 
 ORGANS. 
 
 The praise of God in the sanctuary no more be- 
 longs to the organ than a railroad track belongs to 
 the locomotive. To switch off a congregation of 
 
OEIGINAL AXn SELECTED REMARKS. 143 
 
 worsliipjDers by music to a side track, is to endan- 
 ger a smasli-up, Loth of the sermon and the 
 prayers. 
 PAPIST. 
 
 Be not afraid of sin, if for it you pay well, 
 There are no wealthy men in the Roman Papist 
 hell; 
 
 Gold opens him the gate, and lets him enter in, 
 The want of funds to pay, is far the greater sin, 
 For all things else on earth you settle when in 
 lieaven, 
 
 So count your beads again and keep the tally even. 
 
 — Dry den. 
 
 PARADOX. 
 
 When all the world is wrong, then all the world 
 is right. 
 
 Those who speak or write against the fame of 
 others are only seeking that fame which tliey pro- 
 fess to despise. 
 
 PARASITE. 
 
 Some men can stoop to anything that's base, 
 Confront the devil and stare him in the face ; 
 'Tis with sucli impudence they rise much sooner 
 Than men entitled to' more worth and honor. 
 
 PARTING. 
 
 Farewell, I leave, nor seek your love, 
 Nor ask for friendship more. 
 
144 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED BEMARKS. 
 
 That happiness that I approve 
 Is not within your power. 
 
 "Goodnight, good night, parting is such sweet 
 sorrow 
 
 That I could say good night until it be mor- 
 row. " 
 
 — 81ial:espeo.re. 
 
 I cannot blame thee, though tliy love has faded, 
 
 Silent my soul shall bear its hopeless pain; 
 But still my love remains, although unaided. 
 
 Still in its grief shall hope for love again. 
 For in my heart the hope thy love is given 
 
 Shines bright and pure, although its sun is gone; 
 It cheers my darkness with a gloom of heaven. 
 
 And lights my pathway when I walk alone. 
 Yes, when declining shadows gather o'er me, 
 
 Strong e'en in death my soul will know thy spell; 
 One thought of thee will light the gloom before me 
 
 When joy or grief shall say the w^ord — ' Fare- 
 w^elL' 
 
 "Parted friends wdll meet again 
 
 When the storms of life are past. 
 For the spirit, freed from pain. 
 
 Will rest in friendship that will last." 
 Yes, parted friends again will meet, 
 
 From the toils of nature free. 
 Crowned with mercy — O ! how sweet 
 
 Will that eternal f riendsliip be ! 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 145 
 
 For the present we part, though I hope not forever, 
 Till death on my shoulders liis mantle shall cast ; 
 
 But to prove each sincere we both should endeavor 
 To forget and forgive what was said in the past. 
 
 TVith all my soul then let us part, 
 Since Loth are anxious to be free, ^ 
 An^l I v/ill send j^ou home your heart 
 If you will send back mine to me." 
 
 — Moore. 
 
 ''Brethren, we here may meet no more, 
 
 But there is yet a happier shore. 
 
 'Tis there, released from toil and ]3ain, 
 
 Dear brethren, we shall meet again." — Wattn. 
 
 PASTOB. 
 
 Though the sheep delight in green fields, a re- 
 ligious flock is not always j^leased with a 'cerdanA 
 pastor. 
 
 PASSION. 
 
 "Our passions are the gales which threaten us 
 through life; 'tis religion alone that protects us 
 from the tempest." 
 
 " Oh, how our passions, insolent and strong, 
 Bear our weak minds their rapid course along; 
 The ruling passion, be it what it will, 
 That ruling passion conquers reason still." 
 
146 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED FEMARKS. 
 
 PATIENCE, 
 
 "JSTature hasnqthing made so base but can 
 Read some instruction to the wisest man ; 
 The sluggish ass, himself, will patience teach, 
 A virtue which few mortals ever reach." 
 
 Patience and moderation are the ends of the 
 silken cord, that string together all connecting 
 virtues. 
 
 PATRIOT. 
 
 Between the patriot and the ^^olitician 
 
 There is this difference known: 
 The former seeks his country's good, 
 
 The latter seeks his own. 
 
 PATRIOTISM. 
 
 " Breathes tliere a man with soul so dead 
 Who never to himself has said. 
 
 This is my own, my native land, 
 Whose heart has ne'er within him burned 
 When home his footsteps he has turned. 
 
 From wandering on a foreign strand." 
 
 —Scott. 
 
 "He who counts the danger of defending his own 
 honor is already degraded ; he who counts the cost 
 of maintaining the honor of his country is ready 
 for slavery." — Toombs. 1850. 
 
OniGU'AL AXD SELECTED EEMAEKS. 147 
 
 ]Men T\-]io are animated ^-\t\\ heroic sentiments, 
 and imbued with a j^atriotic spirit, invariably live 
 longer than others. The fifty-six signers of the 
 Declaration of Independence arrived at a greater 
 age, and died more calmly, than the same nnmber 
 of men ever engaged in any important national 
 event. 
 
 PEACE. 
 
 "Let ns have peace,'' says Useless S. Grant, 
 
 Spread ont on a flaming red banner. 
 'Tis the voice of deceit, 'tis the hypocrite's cant 
 
 That conies from this Illinois tanner. 
 He conquered the South by force and by might, 
 
 With money and power to aid him. 
 Yet he never could put Robert Lee to the flight 
 
 Whilst a General good fortune had made ]]im. 
 As misfortune has frowned on the cause of the South, 
 
 And our men have been forced to surrender, 
 A volley we'll fire, from the old cannon's mouth, 
 
 In token of friendship forever. 
 
 PEACE (OF MIND). 
 
 "If you desire a length of days, 
 And peace to crown your mortal state, 
 
 Restrain your feet from wicked ways. 
 Your tongue from slander and deceit." 
 
 —Dr, Watts. 
 
148 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED BEMARKS. 
 
 PEDIGREE. 
 
 Of what avail are pedigrees of birth, from a 
 long train of ancestry, without genius or virtue? 
 Nought but foam that perishes at the ebbing of the 
 tide. 
 
 A man is what he is, in spite of blood, 
 
 But if he is in want of more intrinsic worth 
 
 It matters little be he of the brood 
 Of all the proudest families on earth. 
 
 Fools have been known to spring from kings direct, 
 With all their idiocy sliining in their face. 
 
 Whilst men of strength and kings intellect 
 Have been the offspring of a peasant race. 
 
 PERSEVERANCE. 
 
 "The proudest motto for the young. 
 
 And precious more than gold, 
 Within tliy heart and on thy mind 
 
 This stirring word enfold. 
 If in misfortune's dreary hour. 
 
 Or fortune's prosperous gale. 
 Just ' go ahead ' with all your power, 
 
 There's no such word as ^fail.^ " 
 
 — Lee. 
 
 In the turmoils of life, should misfortune assail, 
 Look well to your anchor, and furl every sail. 
 Steer your craft "ii la porte," examine your chart, 
 And weather the storm with a boldness of heart. 
 
ORIGINAL AXI) SELECTED EEMAEKS. 149 
 
 Then frien-cls will assist you, but should they say ISTo ! 
 Give a smile for refusal, shed a tear for each woe ; 
 But be true to yourself, consult the main chance. 
 For honor and wealth will your future enhance, 
 Till death casts the anchor in a haven of rest 
 And the cargo is landed on the shores of the blessed. 
 
 In the progress of life don't take notice of the 
 order "right about, " but be sure you are about 
 right, then ''go ahead." 
 
 PHILOSOPHICAL FACTS. 
 
 Air is 816 times lighter than water. 
 
 The force of gunpowder is 6 tons per square inch. 
 
 Heat expands water 600 times, 
 
 TTater converted into steam increases 1,800 times. 
 
 Quicksilver becomes malleable at 39*^ below zero. 
 
 The pressure of the atmosphere is 2,160 lbs* per 
 
 square foot. 
 Thunder can be heard 30 miles only. 
 Lightning can be seen 200 miles. 
 Sound travels in air 1,140 feet per second; in 
 
 water 4,960; in wood 10,000; in iron 11,000 ; 
 
 in steel 17,000; and in glass 18,000. 
 Light travels 200,000 miles per second. 
 Electricity (magnetic telegraph) moves w'ch 
 
 greater velocity than light. 
 Eain falls 34 feet per second, and hail 112. 
 
150 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMAEKS. 
 
 The number of bones in a human body are 260, 
 
 and the blood of a healthy man weighs more 
 
 than his bones. 
 In Guinea the thermometer rises to 140^, and in 
 
 Greenland descends 70° below zero, yet human 
 
 beings endure both extremes. 
 
 PHOTOGRAPH. 
 
 How true to life — it seems to breathe and move 
 The very image of my dark-eyed love ! 
 Sweetness and pleasure on her cheeks express 
 The liveliest spirit, void of all distress ; 
 The lights and shadows all harmonious glow, 
 A heavenly radiance settles on the brow. 
 But oh! that mouth, how tranquil in repose, 
 Its fragrance smiling, like a new blown rose. 
 Those ruby lips — the pearly gate of bliss — 
 I long to enter and secure a kiss ! 
 
 PHRENOLOGY. 
 
 You might as well undertake to tell how much 
 money is in an iron-safe by feeling the knobs, as to 
 tell what is presumed to be in the head of some 
 men by feeling their bumps. 
 
 PIETY. 
 
 There are instances, few enough, in the liigher 
 walks of life, to show that true piety does not de- 
 pend upon them, yet they are numerous enough to 
 
OEIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMAEKS. 151 
 
 confute the prejudice "that religion is onl}' suited 
 to the poor and ignorant." 
 
 PLAGIARISM. 
 
 ''Poets and painters, who from nature draw 
 Their best and richest stores, have made this law: 
 That each should neighborly assist his brother. 
 And steal with decency from one another." 
 
 " When we steal the thoughts of the moderns we 
 are ridiculed as plagiarists, but if we take from 
 the ancients it is approved as erudition." 
 
 PLEASUHE. 
 
 "In vain on earth we hope to find 
 Some solid good to fill the mind. 
 We try new pleasure, still we feel 
 An inward thirst and torment still." 
 
 " Sure all delights are vain, but that most vain, 
 Which, with pain purcliased, doth inherit pain." 
 
 'Tis all through life we hope to find 
 Continued pleasures for the mind ; 
 We test all things, yet still we feel 
 The want of some new pleasure still. 
 
 The seeds of repentance are sown in youth by 
 pleasure, but the harvest is rea|)ed in old age by 
 pain. 
 
^52 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMABKS. 
 
 "Mental pleasures never cease ; unlike those of 
 the body, they increase by cultivation, encouraged 
 by reflection, and strengthened by enjoyment." 
 
 Those who dive to the bottom of pleasure gen- 
 erally come out besmeared with dirt. 
 
 Pleasure is to women what the sun is to the 
 flower: in moderation it beautifies, refreshes and 
 improves ; in excess it withers, deterioi ates, and 
 destroys, 
 
 "Wine and beauty, both exciting. 
 Each to different joys inviting, 
 
 To which shall now my choice incline? 
 To waste no longer thought in choosing, 
 And neither this nor that refusing, 
 
 I'll make them both together mine." 
 
 — Goldsmith, 
 
 PLANTER. 
 
 How happy he who leads a planter's life, 
 Unvexed by care, and with a loving Avife ; 
 Who studies peace, avoiding civil rage. 
 And takes his counsel from the sacred page, 
 Just, good and wise, each comfort makes his own, 
 And to be loved by all, is only to be known; 
 His mission ended, his worldly labors done, 
 He sinks to rest, pure as the setting sun; 
 May such a life to every man be given. 
 Peace whilst on earth,and happiness in heaven. 
 
ORIGIXIL ASD SELECTED EEMAEKS. 
 
 153 
 
 POET. 
 
 '•Tlire^ poets, in three distant ages born. 
 Greece,- It :dy and Eagliwl did adorn; 
 Homer in loftiness of thouglit sui-passed, 
 Yirgil in majesty — in both the hist : 
 The force of nature coiikl no further go. 
 To make a Yilton she joined the other two."' 
 
 —Drudtn, 
 
 Two objects always should the poet move, 
 To study both to jjlease and to improve. 
 
 The squabbling critics with themselves dispute 
 This point ('as puzzling as a chancery suit). 
 So long contended, whether poets claim 
 From Art or Mature their best right to fame.'' 
 
 From both — if when, by love inspired. 
 
 The point's decided which critics so desired. 
 
 POETRY. 
 
 ••How oft a thought of fancy doth sometimes 
 Make us commit our thoughts in running rhymes ; 
 Though nothing seems more easy, yet no part 
 Of writing verses requires a nicer ait; 
 A poet's mind, indeed, must be inspired 
 With thoughts of love, as well by fancy fired; 
 For. as in strings of pearl, there often lies 
 Many a blemish that escapes the eyes ; 
 So verses should be. to perfection brought — 
 But where can one be found without a fault I'" 
 
154 
 
 OEIGmAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 POLICY. 
 
 "He who only 'strikes when the iron is hot,' 
 will be overtaken by him wlio,makes 'the iron hot 
 by striking.' " 
 
 POLITICIAN. 
 
 Tlie politician has a world of plots, 
 
 And in his schemes he has as many spies; 
 
 He ties and tangles a thousand mazy knots, 
 In which the substance of his study lies. 
 
 How to deceive the world with many a wile, 
 But never thinks of heaven all the while. 
 
 Midas, 'tis said, professed tlie art of old, 
 Of turning whatso'er he touched to gold ; 
 The modern politician can reverse with ease — 
 Touch him with gold, he'll turn which way you 
 please. 
 
 POVERTY. 
 
 Happy the man whose heart can move 
 And melt with pity for the poor; 
 
 Whose soul by sympathizing love 
 Can feel in part what they endure. 
 
 " O, grant me, Heaven, a poor estate, 
 Not too low nor yet too great ; 
 But quite enough for Nature's ends ; 
 With cash on hand to treat my fi lends.'* 
 
 —MalUt, 
 
OBIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMAEKS. 155- 
 
 Be o^entle to tlie aG:ed, 
 
 At poverty never jest; 
 For many a brave and noble heart 
 
 Beats 'neath a ragged vest. 
 Be good and kind and noble, 
 
 Be honest, brave and true, 
 And ''do to otiiers as you would 
 
 That they slionld do to you." 
 
 POWER. 
 
 " Three things most powerful with men, 
 The sword, the sceptre, and the pen." 
 
 PRAISE. 
 
 The love of praise, howe'er concealed by art, 
 Eeigns more or less, and glows in every heart; 
 Mankind to gain it toils on toils endure, 
 And labor all their life to make it sure ; 
 Kor end with life, but nods in sabk^ plumes 
 To adorn our hearse, then flutters on our tombs. 
 
 — Young. 
 
 ^'If some men could lise from the dead and 
 read the inscriptions on their tombstones, they 
 would think they had got into the wrong grave." 
 
 There are three kinds of praise : that which we 
 yield to the powerful from fear, that which we 
 lend to the weak from interest, and that which wc 
 pay to the deserving from gratitude. 
 
156 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REM AUKS. 
 
 PRAYER. 
 
 The simplicity, beauty, tenderness and grandeur 
 which is concentrated in the Lord's Prayer is of 
 itself sufficient to illustrate the truth of Holy Writ 
 and stamp upon it the seal of Divinity. 
 
 ''Prayers are the rose leaves between the pages of 
 God's book of remembrance. When the volume 
 is opened, a precious fragrance springs up to 
 sweeten with its perfume the throne of heavenly 
 grace." 
 
 '^A seraphim of the eternal spirit, rich with all 
 utterance and knowledge, with a hallowed fire from 
 Jehovah's altar, touching and purifying with celes- 
 tial grace the lips of all God's people." 
 
 He who seeks a throne of grace 
 Will find that throne in every place. 
 He who leads a life of prayer 
 Will find God present everywhere. 
 
 PRESIDENTS. 
 
 Washington, 
 
 . Born 1732. 
 
 Died 
 
 1799. 
 
 Age 
 
 67 
 
 Adams, 
 
 " 1735. 
 
 u 
 
 1826. 
 
 u 
 
 91 
 
 Jefferson, 
 
 " 1743. 
 
 (C 
 
 1826. 
 
 u 
 
 83 
 
 Madison, . 
 
 " 1751. 
 
 u 
 
 1836. 
 
 L ( 
 
 85 
 
 Monroe, . 
 
 " 1759. 
 
 u 
 
 1831. 
 
 < ( 
 
 72 
 
 Adams, 
 
 " 1767. 
 
 u 
 
 1848. 
 
 
 81 
 
ORIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMARKS. 157 
 
 Jackson. 
 
 Born IT '37. 
 
 Died 1S45. 
 
 Age 73 
 
 Van Buren, . 
 
 
 , i 1 Q A 0 
 ioO-i. 
 
 oO 
 
 Harrison, 
 
 i -1 "^ — o 
 
 lb41. 
 
 
 1 Tier. 
 
 ( ; -1 -^nn 
 l<yU. 
 
 Ibb^. 
 
 
 r^oits.. 
 
 
 
 0-1 
 
 Taylor, . . 
 
 " 1784. 
 
 " 1850. 
 
 66 
 
 Fillmore, 
 
 ^' 1800. 
 
 1874. 
 
 
 Pierce, 
 
 " 1804. 
 
 1869. 
 
 " 65 
 
 Buchanan, . 
 
 " 1791. 
 
 1868. 
 
 
 Lincoln, 
 
 " 1809. 
 
 " 1865. 
 
 " 54 
 
 .Johnson, 
 
 " 1808. 
 
 " 1875. 
 
 " 67 
 
 Grant, 
 
 " 1825. 
 
 
 
 PRESS (THE), 
 
 "A lever small enough to be used one man, 
 yet powerful enough to raise the world."' 
 
 Turn to the press, its teeming sheets smwey, 
 Full of the wonders of each passing day; 
 Births, deaths, and marriages, murders, fires and 
 wrecks, 
 
 Harangues and trials, brawls and broken necks. 
 
 — Spragu-e. 
 
 PBIDE. 
 
 Pride may breakfast with Plenty^ yet dine with 
 Puterty. sup with Infamy^ and sleep in Disgrace. 
 
158 OEIGIXAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 "Fond pride of dress is sure a very curse; 
 Ere fancy you consult, consult your purse." 
 
 " Of all the causes which conspire to blind 
 Man's erring judgment, and misguide the mind, 
 Wliat the weak head, with strongest bias rules. 
 Is Pride^ the never-failing vice of fools," 
 
 — Pope. 
 
 Because you flourish in worldly affairs. 
 Don't be haughty and put on airs 
 
 With insolent pride of station ; 
 But learri for the sake of your mind's repose 
 That wealth's a bubble that comes and goes, 
 
 And is subject to irritation. 
 
 "Pride often guides an author's pen, 
 Books are affected just like men; 
 Yet he who studies nature's laws 
 From certain truths his maxims draws; 
 Then try, dear friend, each way devise 
 To make men moral, good and wise." 
 
 —Gay. 
 
 PRINCIPLE. 
 
 There are men whose principles consist in having 
 no i)rinciple on wliich to depend; a free-thinking 
 without thinking freely; and whose common sense 
 is nothing more than that which is common. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. I59 
 
 PHOCBASTINATION. 
 
 Whenever duty calls thee, 
 
 TVith sober judgment view it, 
 
 But never idly wish it done ; 
 Begin at once and do it. 
 
 PEODIGALITY. 
 
 The prodigal starts in life with a fortune, ljut 
 dies poor: the miser starts life in poverty, but dies 
 rich ; the former spends his fortune to enjoy life, 
 the latter hoards up his fortune, but enjoys noth- 
 ing. 
 
 PHOFANTTY, 
 
 "In common life you'll ovrn this reason light, 
 That none but fools in gross abuse delight; 
 Be on your guard, nor think tills caution vain : 
 To be polite we need not be profane." 
 
 ''As polished steel receives a stain 
 
 From drops at random flung, 
 So does a cliild, when words profane 
 
 Drops from a parent's tongue." 
 
 PROFESSIONS. 
 
 Hen are not disposed to treat the learned pro- 
 fessions as they deserve, but in inverse ratio; 
 for he who would refuse a dollar to his pastor, 
 would give five to his physician on a bed of sick- 
 ness; and if restored, would not scruple to si^end 
 twenty in a law suit. — Lucon, 
 
160 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 Mankind are too much inclined to speak of pro- 
 fessors. {Doctors^ Lawijers] and Divines) as learned 
 men ; as titles oftentimes serve- to cover ignorance, 
 we are only safe in saying such men ought to de 
 learned. 
 
 PROGHESS. 
 
 He that is really good will infallibly become bet- 
 ter; he that is bad will as certainly become worse; 
 for neither vice nor virtue is stationary. 
 
 PROPOSAL. 
 
 Pray give a gentle answer now, 
 
 A soft responding Yes ; 
 Then let us seal the mutual vow 
 
 With what we call a kiss! 
 
 Will you, dear girl, relieve my mind — 
 You, who have always been so kind? 
 Have you no word of hope to give- 
 Would you not like witli me to live? 
 
 "Oh ! dear to me is blissful married life — 
 Girl of my choice, to thee I humbly sue; 
 Will you accept me, be a loving wife? 
 
 Then to my heart I'll take thee ever true." 
 
 To my heart's core your words have sent 
 
 A spark of love so eloquent 
 
 That I can truly answer. Yes; 
 
 To seal the vow, Come, give a kiss! 
 
OFdGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEAIAEKS. 161 
 
 PROSPERITIT. 
 
 Prosperirr is DO test of character: 'tis Adversity 
 that establishes a good or bad reputation. 
 
 ''Constant sunshine, however welcome. 
 Xever ripens fruit or flower; 
 The best of men owe half their greatness 
 To adverse things beyond their power."' 
 
 PRUDE. 
 
 " Good graciotisl says the pnide. 
 
 (Her face behind her fan), 
 •'How can you girls believe 
 
 There's beauty in a man? 
 If tlie race was once extinct. 
 
 Tra sure 'twould never grieve me; 
 I see no beauty in a man. 
 
 They never can deceive me. 
 One half of them are crazy, 
 
 Tlie other half as bad ; 
 T would never like to marry one — 
 
 The thought wotild drive me mad! " 
 
 Some women are the very reverse of their own 
 mirrors: they talk without reflecting, whilst theil 
 mirror reflects without talking. 
 
 PUNCH. 
 
 Whene'er a bowl of punch we make 
 Fotu- ingredients first we take 
 
163 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 The strong, the acid, the cold, the sweet; 
 If mixed up well, they kindly meet; 
 And when they happily unite 
 A glass will fill you with delight. 
 
 PUZZLE. 
 
 "If you say 'JZie,' and in so saying tell the 
 truth, you do lie ; if you say ' I lie, ' and in so say- 
 ing you do lie, then you tell the truth." 
 
 QUACK. 
 
 It is better to employ a quack, if he can cure 
 your complaint, although he cannot explain it, 
 than employ a physician who understands your 
 disease but cannot cure it. 
 
 aUARREL, 
 
 Sooner than quarrel with a blackguard, hand 
 your case over to a lawyer. Every man to his 
 trade. No gentleman cleans his own chimney 
 when he can employ a sweep to do the dirty work, 
 because it is his trade and calling. 
 
 QUESTION. 
 
 Now. should we wed, our mortal life 
 Will seem so short we should not tarry. 
 
 Say, then, I pray, will you be my wife ? 
 If so, well go at once and many. 
 
OBIGIXAL ASD SELECTED EEMASKS. 163 
 
 " When there was no sun or moonlight, 
 When there Tvas no heaven or hell ; 
 
 When there was no place for sinning, 
 Or for sinful man to dwell ; 
 
 When the great and. boundless nothing 
 Harmless, lifeless, round him fell, 
 
 Why did God create a devil, 
 Or conceive a boundless hell? 
 
 Did creation send forth evil, 
 Or did evil come of good? 
 
 If so. Where's the spot dividing- 
 Satan's works from those of God? 
 
 Yast, tliough simple, is the question. 
 Piercing, probing to the core : 
 
 This we know: there once was nothing, 
 ISothing, nothing, nothing more." 
 
 — Stewart. 
 
 QTJOTATION-S. 
 
 Some men quote nonsense from the dead lan- 
 guages, to show their knowledge; whilst thev 
 cannot speak in languages that are licing, to con- 
 ceal theii' iguorance. 
 
 RADICAL. 
 
 Such is my advice, and in one single verse 
 I draw the conclusion, and its substance rehearse* 
 Be all that a radical is not — nor could be — 
 And then you'll be all that an honest man should be. 
 
164 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED RE ARKS. 
 
 How many candidates we have who exercise their 
 wit 
 
 In getting into offices for wliich they are not lit ; 
 Both black and white and copper-colored faces 
 Start up as statesmen, but dull as stupid asses. 
 
 REBUKE. 
 
 It is easier to bear the scoffs of the world than 
 the rebuke of conscience. 
 
 BEPINEMENT. 
 
 A high degree of intellectual refinement in a 
 woman is the surest pledge society can have for 
 the improvement of man, 
 
 REFLECTION", 
 
 "Each human being some solemn idea hath; 
 
 For one, a hidden love; for others, cruel hate; 
 Unconscious, wandering in our worl lly path, 
 
 We strive in vain to break the will of fate." 
 
 REFXTSAIi, 
 
 "If you oblige me suddenly to choose, 
 My choice is made, and I must you refuse. 
 My friendship take, if you on that can live, 
 But frankly, Sir, 'tis all I have to give." 
 
 — Dry den. 
 
 "I do not love you." Yet I suppose you virtu- 
 ~ ous ; know your blood ; your good estate ; your 
 
OFIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMAEKS. 165 
 
 reputation stainless : in books well learned ; and in 
 dimension and the shape of nature a gracious 
 person; valiant with all; and yet with all. the 
 truth divulged, "I do not love you." 
 
 — Sh aJcespeare. 
 
 You ask'd her once — ask her again, 
 Perhaps she may remove the pain ; 
 For one refusal's no rebuff, 
 If she Mcks again, why, that's enough. 
 
 So you think me cruel? Indeed, sir I 
 
 Then of naught can you fairly complain; 
 Yott may thank your good luck that you're free, sir, 
 
 From a girl that loves to give pain. 
 You say ''that my form is seraphic," 
 
 ]My eyes are most beautifully blue. 
 If they a-re — and your language is graphic — 
 
 Then, sir. they are too good for you. 
 You may call me tmkind and capricious. 
 
 Though my clioosing is cautious and slow; 
 And though yoti may say "I am vicious,'' 
 
 I am determined at last to say Xo ! 
 
 KEGARD. 
 
 '•Long may he live; 
 
 Yes, longer than I have time to tell his years; 
 Ever beloved and loving may he be; 
 And when old Time shall lead him to his end 
 Goodness and he will fill one monument." 
 
166 OBIGINAL AND SELECTED BEMAEKS. 
 
 The first mark of a gentleman is a sensitive 
 regard for the feelings of others. 
 
 REJECTED. 
 
 Sad and lonely, sick, dejected; 
 
 More than all, I am rejected. 
 
 To shoot or hang, which do you think 
 
 Can cure my pain? " Go take a drink." 
 
 RELIANCE, 
 
 "There's a game now in fashion, I think it's 
 
 called euchre. 
 Some play it for fun, some play it for lucre, 
 When one of the party, in a confident tone. 
 Thinks Tie can best play it by 'going alone.' 
 In life much depends on the hand you muy hold, 
 To secure for yourself, wit, beauty or gold ; 
 Yet the game may be lost with all these for 
 
 your own. 
 
 Unless you have courage to ' go it alone.' 
 In love or in business, whatever the game, 
 In pleasure or profit, 'tis always the same; 
 In a struggle for power, or scramble for pelf, 
 Always 'go it alone,' and rely on yourself." 
 
 — 8axe. 
 
 RELIGION. 
 
 Men will wrangle for i-eligion, write for it, fight 
 for it, die for it — anything but lue for it. 
 
 "There are but three classes of men in this 
 
OEIGIXAL AXJ) SELECTED BE MARKS. 167 
 
 ■^'orlcl: those who hare religion and believe in it; 
 th(^se Avho have it not, but are searching for it; 
 an 1 those who neither have it nor care to look 
 after it. The first are hap^Dv; the second, wise; 
 the third, fools.'' 
 
 "For modes of faith let all sectarians fight; 
 He can't be wrong whose life is in the right." 
 
 Religion is an insurance against fire (in the next 
 world), and honesty is its best jjolicy. 
 
 It sweetens the tears of humanity, purifies and 
 exalts the sentiments of gratitude, honor and jus- 
 tice, and transforms patriotism into piety. 
 
 BEPENTANCE. 
 
 The tears of repentance are the diamonds of 
 heaven, and the sighs of the jDenitent are the 
 musical notes of Jehovah's gamut. 
 
 "The rocks do rend, the earth can quake; 
 The sea doth roar, the mountains sliake; 
 Of feeling all thino-s show some sign 
 But this unfeeling heart of mine." 
 
 A death-bed repentance is to burn out the candle 
 of life in serving the devil, and then blow the 
 flickering snuff in the very face of heaven. 
 
 — Lorenzo Bow. 
 
163 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 BEPORTEE,. 
 
 •Tis tlirougli the noisy crowd he treads his way, 
 To catch the flying rumors of the day. 
 As correspondent of some morning paper, 
 lie spreads the newfe like evanescent vapor. 
 
 KEPROACH, 
 
 "I had rather be reproached by the devil for 
 seeking salvation, than reproved of God for 
 neglecting it." — Baxter. 
 
 REPROOF, 
 
 "Harsh to the heart, and grating to the ear, 
 Who can reproof -without reluctance hear? " 
 
 REPUTATION. 
 
 The gain secured by the loss of reputation is 
 often credited to the wrong side of j^rofit and loss. 
 
 "The purest treasure mortal times afford is 
 spotless reputation. That away, men are but 
 gilded loam or painted clay.". — 81iake»'peare. 
 
 "Men's evil manners live in brass; their virtues 
 w^e write in water." 
 
 Our reputation is equally well secured when 
 abused by rogues as praised by honest men. 
 
 He is doubly guilty who, having inherited dis- 
 
ORIGINAL AXD SELECTED liEMlRKS. 169 
 
 tinction from his ancestry, bequeathes disgrace to 
 his posterity. 
 
 It is a sad tiling to any one whose reputation is 
 beyond his merit, or his ambition beyond his 
 al)ility. 
 
 RESIGNATION. 
 
 To be resigned when ills betide, 
 Patient when favors are denied, 
 
 And pleased with favors given — 
 Most surely this is wisdom's part, 
 And "tis that incense of the heart 
 
 Whose fragrance smells to heaven." 
 
 "Often has the pearly tear 
 
 Stolen softly down my cheek, 
 To tell, in eloquence sincere, 
 
 A tale of love it could not speak. 
 Those days of weeping have passed o'er, 
 
 Although accompanied with pain; 
 Thank God, I feel distress no more — 
 
 I ne'er shall think of her again." 
 
 B.EST. 
 
 There is an hour of peaceful rest 
 To mourning wanderers given ; 
 There is a joy for souls distressed, 
 A balm for every wounded breast — 
 'Tis only found in heaven. 
 
170 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMABKS. 
 
 After we enter this vale of tears, 
 After youth we have our fears ; 
 After the wedding, marriage-bell; 
 After the greeting, a sad farewell; 
 After the shower, the setting sun ; 
 After his hours the day is done; 
 After the harvest, the golden sheaves ; 
 After the autumn, the falling leaves ; 
 After the storm, the quiet waves; 
 After the battle we dig the graves ; 
 After the bud then comes the rose ; 
 After labor, sweet repose ; 
 After night, to our downy nest; 
 But after death — we then have rest. 
 
 REVENGE. 
 
 "Yes, now, at this, the darkest hour of night, 
 when churchyards yawn, and hell itself breathes 
 out contagion to this world ; now could I drink his 
 hottest blood, and do such bitter things as dawn- 
 ing day would quake to look on! " — Shakesjjeare. 
 
 RHYME. 
 
 There is one word in the English language that 
 has never been rhymed, viz: month, 
 I've tried a hundred times I think 
 
 To find a rhyme for month. 
 And just as often have I failed 
 
 Till I tried the hundred and one-th. 
 
ORIGINAL AXD SELECTED BEMABKS. 171 
 
 BICHES. 
 
 " Some men speak the truth when they say they 
 despise riches, but they mean the riches possessed 
 by other men." 
 
 All men pay respect to riches without inquiring 
 v^eiy scrupulously as regards the means by which 
 they were obtained. 
 
 "'Tis when to virtuous hands 'tis given 
 It blesses like the dews of Heaven ; 
 Like Heaven it hears the orphan's cries, 
 And wipes the tears from the widow's eyes," 
 
 Abundance is. a blessing to the wise, 
 The use of riches in discretion lies. 
 Learu this, ye men of M-ealth, a heavy purse 
 In a fool's pocket is a heavy curse. 
 
 
 ROMANCE. 
 
 "Such tales too often only prove 
 Fictions of dariug and of love. 
 So all romances, for what else 
 Is in them all, but love and nonsense?" 
 
 RUINS. 
 
 "There is a charm in contemplating the spot 
 once printed by the footsteps of learning; if hal- 
 lowed by the lapse of ages it creates a moral sub- 
 limity made sacred by the relics of dilapidated 
 
172 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 grandeur; where poetry breathes o'er nature, an 
 odor more exquisite than the perfume of roses and 
 sheds o'er the ruins of art a tint more magical tliau 
 the blush of morning." 
 
 RUMOR. 
 
 The flying rumors gather'd as they roll'd; 
 Scarce any tale was sooner heard than told; 
 And all who told it added something new, 
 And those who heard it made enlargement too." 
 
 — Pope. 
 
 "Popular rumor, unlike the rolling stone of the 
 proverb, gathers a deal of moss by circulating up 
 and down the world," — Dickens. 
 
 It must be so, for Billy Brown, Esquire, 
 
 Heard Henry Thompson's wife tell Mr. Smith 
 (He that was cliristened John by his grandsire), 
 
 That Johnston said when he was walking with 
 Miss Sally Clieatham, the maiden gal of forty, 
 
 She heard Miss Higgins say in whisper low ' 
 (To tell it confldentially), how naughty, 
 
 That Polly Wilkins' cousin's aunt said "so and 
 so." 
 
 SABBATH. 
 
 On this, the solemn, sacred day of rest, 
 "With gifts of plenty and with bounty blest, 
 Great God, forgetful of Thy favors still. 
 How many break Thy laws against Thy willl 
 
OniGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMABKS. 17:j 
 
 The Greeks observe Monday^ the Persians, Tues- 
 day, the Assyrians, Wednesday, the Egyptians, 
 Thursday^ the' Turks, Friday, the Jews, Saturday, 
 and the Christians Sunday^ as tlieir Sabbath for 
 public worship. 
 
 The Sabbath is the golden clasp that binds to- 
 gether the volume of the week. 
 
 "In holy pleasures let this day 
 
 In holy duties pass away ; 
 - How sweet the Sabbath thus to spend 
 
 In hope of one that ne'er shall end!" 
 
 SADNESS. 
 
 What is the worst of foes that wait on age, 
 
 "What stamps the wrinkles deeper on the brow? 
 
 It is to see each loved one blotted from life's page, 
 And left alone on earth as I am now. 
 
 SAFETY. 
 
 "It is universally true that mankind at large 
 can enjoy the distress of others wlien they can 
 Bafely indulge in their own security." 
 
 ''Happy were men if they but understood 
 There is no safety but in doing good. 
 Yet when we think they most in safety stand, 
 The greatest peril often is at hand." 
 
 — Fountain. 
 
174 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED BEMARKS. 
 
 ''Prepare your mind, I'll publish, right or wrong. 
 Fools are my theme, let satire be my song, 
 Cursed be the lines, how well soe'er they flow, 
 That tends to make one worthy man my foe." 
 
 We seldom tliink when we in safety stand 
 Our greatest danger often is at hand. 
 Happy were all if they but understood 
 There is no safety but in doing good. 
 
 SATIRE. 
 
 " Satire recoils whenever charged too high, 
 Round your oAvn fame the fatal splinters fly; 
 As the soft plume gives swiftness to the dart, 
 Good breeding sends the satire to the heart." 
 
 SCANDAL. 
 
 " There is a lust in man no charm can tame, 
 Of loudly publishing his neighbor's shame; 
 On swiftest wings accursed scandals fly. 
 While virtuous actions are but born and die." 
 
 — Harvey. 
 
 *"Tis mingling truth with falsehood, sneers with 
 smiles, 
 
 A thread of candor to a web of wiles." 
 
 SCHOOL. 
 
 "Now, ye wdio teach the ingenious youth of na- 
 tions — 
 
 Holland, France, England, America, or Spain — 
 
OEiaiXAL AXD SELECTED EE2IAEKS. 175 
 
 I tell thee flog them, upon all occasions; 
 
 It mends their morals — nerer mind the pain." 
 
 SCIENCE. 
 
 '•Every advancement in science but adds to the 
 echo of all things : 
 
 " The hand that made us is diyine." 
 'Tis an echo that is whispered in the winds, smiles 
 from the flowers, thunders in the clouds, and 
 twinkles in the firmament." 
 
 Every improvement in science has a correspond- 
 ing tendency to check the baneful and enervating 
 effects of luxur}' and dissipation. 
 
 
 
 Science, of her toil unsparing, 
 
 Nature's mysteries doth explore, 
 Entering with a fearless daring 
 Paths she never trod before. 
 Testing by investigation 
 
 Everytliing, however sage; 
 Invention on a sure foundation 
 Is the S23iiit of the Age. 
 
 " Science kindles her torch at eveiy light be- 
 tween a glow-worm and a star, and the frankin- 
 cense of all her discoveries burns upon the altar of 
 inspired Truth." 
 
176 OEIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 "Science and Truth will assemble the elements 
 and powera of Kature in one mighty 'orchestra.' 
 Revelation will give the key-note of praise, while 
 heaven and earth join in the rehearsal of the grand 
 ' Oratorio ' 
 
 SCIENCES. 
 
 In the learned sciences mathematics performs 
 more than it promises; ])ut metaphysics promises 
 more than it performs. 
 
 SCORN, 
 
 "The curses of hate and the hisses of scorn 
 Has followed the wretch since first he was born; 
 O'er his life may contempt forever be hurled, 
 The laughter of triumph and the scorn of the 
 world. " — Byron. 
 
 "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, 
 Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." 
 
 — Congreve. 
 
 SECRECY. 
 
 " Search not to find what lies too deeply hid. 
 
 To learn those things where knowledge is forbid; 
 
 'Tis that corroding secrecy which gnaws 
 
 The heart, to show the effect, but not the cause." 
 
 SECRET. 
 
 How many men are fond of the secrets of 
 
OEIQWAL AND SELECTED BE MARKS. 177 
 
 others, and covet them as a spendthrift does your 
 money — only waiting for a proper time to put them 
 into circulation. 
 
 Be thou assured if words be made of breath, 
 and breath of life, I have no life to breathe the 
 secret thou hast told me." 
 
 SECTARIANISM, 
 
 If the Apostle Paul were to appear on earth and 
 see the many denominations of Christians and the 
 diversity of creeds, he would be inclined to say, 
 ''Pure and undefiled religion is to Iceep yourself 
 unspotted from the icorldy 
 
 SEDUCER, 
 
 " Oh, lost to honor's voice, oh, doomed to shame, 
 Thou fiend accursed, thou murderer of my name ! 
 Where shall thy baseness meet its just return, 
 What can repay thy guilt but endless scorn?'' 
 
 SELFISHNESS. 
 
 "The noble horse you pompously bestride 
 Shares with his rider his pleasure and his pride ; 
 Creation's handiwork divides her care ; 
 The fur that warms a monarch warmed a bear; 
 And man exclaims: " See all things for my use." 
 " See man for mine," responds the silly goose." 
 
178 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 ' ' In other men we faults can spy 
 
 And blame the mote that dims their eye. 
 
 Their secret iaults we're sure to find, 
 
 But to our own we're always blind." — Gay. 
 
 SELF-RESPECT. 
 
 "A certain degree of respect for one's self is the 
 best security against moral degradation." 
 
 SENSES. 
 
 " And though things sensible be numberless, 
 
 Yet only five the senses' organs be, 
 And in these five all things their forms express, 
 
 Which we can touchy taste, smell, hear, or see." 
 
 SEPARATION. 
 
 The worst of tortures fate can find 
 
 To lacerate a feeling mind. 
 
 Or rob the soul of rest, 
 
 Is when its adverse laws ordain 
 
 That separation's powerful pain, 
 
 Should agonize the heart. 
 
 SERMON. 
 
 The length of a sermon is in proportion to its in- 
 terest ; some are long after fifteen minutes, others 
 short after an hour. If eternity had an end, it 
 would be short in Paradise. 
 
 "Such vast impressions did the sermon make 
 He always kept his hearers wide awake." 
 
OBIG-IXAL AXD SELECTED EEMABKS, 
 
 179 
 
 SERTILITIT. 
 
 ''"Within the bond of marriage, pray tell me, sir, 
 is it expected I should no secrets know that apper- 
 tain to you? Am I thus held in base suspense and 
 limitation, only to sit ^vith you at meals or comfort 
 you in bed, or talk perchance at times? If I but 
 dwell witliin the suburbs of such pleasure, then I 
 swear I am no more your wedded wife." 
 
 — Shakespeare. 
 
 SHAKESPEABE. 
 
 Has been spelt in fifty-four different ways, viz : 
 Shaxspur, Shagspere, Ghagsper, Chakespur, Chaks- 
 pear, Shaxspear, Shakespire, Shaxpeer, Shakspere, 
 Shaxsper, Schaksper, Saxpiere. Shakspyer, Shakas- 
 peer, Shaxper, Shaxpyer, Schakspeare, Schaks- 
 piere, Saxpere. Shaxpere, Shakesper, Schakspere, 
 Scliakspyre, Schakespear, Schakspear, Shakesper, 
 Shaxpyiere, Sliaykspur. Shaiksper, Shaiksperie, 
 Shaxperee, Shaksper, ShakyesiDeir, Shakyspur, 
 Shakes-peer, Chakes-pear. Shaikspeer, Shakespeare, 
 Chavspur. Schakspir. Schakespyre, Scliakeespur, 
 Schaykespiere, Chaxpeer, Shayxpur, Shaigespare, 
 Scliakesper, Schagyespur, Schapespyer, Shaikes- 
 peer, Chakespeere, Shaikspieere, Shaikspere, 
 Chaxpur. 
 
180 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 SHREW, 
 
 '^Have I not in my time heard .lions roar? 
 
 Have I not seen the sea puffed up with winds? 
 
 Have I not heard great ordnance in the field, 
 
 And Heaven's loud artillery thunder in the skies? 
 
 Have I not in a fiery battle heard 
 
 Loud clarions, neighing steeds and trumpets clang? 
 
 And yet you tell me of a woman's tongue." 
 
 — 8haki<peare. 
 
 SIGNATUHES, 
 
 The following are the names of the original 
 ''Fifty-six'' (from the original Thirteen States) 
 who signed the Declaration of "American Inde- 
 pendence : " 
 
 Massachusetts. 
 John Hancock, President, 
 Samuel Adams, 
 Robert Treat Paine, 
 Elbridge Gerry, 
 John Adams, 
 
 Connecticut. 
 
 Roger Sherman, 
 Samuel Huntington, 
 Oliver Walcott, 
 William Williams, 
 
 Died, 1793 Age, 55 
 
 " 1803 " 81 
 
 " 1814 " 83 
 
 " 1814 " 70 
 
 " 1826 " • 91 
 
 " 1793 " 72 
 
 u 1796 " 64 
 
 " 1797 " 73 
 
 " 1811 " 81 
 
ORIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 181 
 
 Xew HampaTiire. 
 "William Wliipple, 
 Josiali Bartlett, 
 Matthew Thornton, 
 
 Mhode Island. 
 Stephen Hopkins, 
 William Ellery, 
 
 New York. 
 Abram Clark, 
 Lewis Morris, 
 Philij^ Livingston, 
 Francis Lewis, 
 William Floyd, 
 
 New Jersey. 
 John Hart, 
 Richard Stockton, 
 Francis Hopkinson, 
 John Witlierspoon, 
 
 Penmyltania. 
 John Morton, 
 George Ross, 
 George Taylor, 
 Benjamin Franklin, 
 James Wilson, 
 James Smith, 
 
 TT85 
 
 
 65 
 
 1795 
 
 ( ( 
 
 66 
 
 1803 
 
 ( ( 
 
 89 
 
 1785 
 
 
 78 
 
 1820 
 
 
 92 
 
 1794 
 
 U 
 
 68 
 
 1798 
 
 
 72 
 
 1798 
 
 1. f. 
 
 62 
 
 1813 
 
 u 
 
 90 
 
 1821 
 
 ( i 
 
 87 
 
 1780 
 
 
 — 
 
 1781 
 
 
 53 
 
 1791 
 
 ; 4 
 
 53 
 
 1794 
 
 
 72 
 
 1777 
 
 
 53 
 
 1779 
 
 1, 
 
 50 
 
 1781 
 
 ( ( 
 
 65 
 
 1790 
 
 C( 
 
 84 
 
 1798 
 
 
 56 
 
 1806 
 
 
 93 
 
182 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Robert Morris, 
 Benjamin Rush, 
 George Clymer, 
 
 Delaware. 
 Caesar Rodney, 
 George Read, 
 Thomas McKeown, 
 
 Maryland. 
 Thomas Stone, 
 William Paca, 
 Charles Carrol, 
 Samuel Chase, 
 
 Virginia. 
 Thoms Nelson, 
 Benjamin Harrison, 
 Richard Henry Lee, 
 Carter Broxton, 
 George Wythe, 
 Thomas Jefferson, 
 Francis Lightfoot Lee, 
 
 North Carolina. 
 Joseph Hewes, 
 William Hooper, 
 John Penn, 
 
 Died, 1806 Age, 73 
 1813 
 1813 
 
 1783 
 1798 
 1817 
 
 1787 
 1799 
 1832 
 1811 
 
 1788 
 1791 
 1794 
 1797 
 1806 
 1826 
 1797 
 
 1779 
 1790 
 1788 
 
OEIf^IXAL AXD SELECTED EEMAEKS. 1S3 
 
 SoutJi Carolina. 
 
 Thomas Lynch, 
 
 Died, 
 
 i:t6 
 
 Age, 
 
 27 
 
 Arthur ^Micldleton, 
 
 u 
 
 1787 
 
 
 o4 
 
 Edward Rutledge, 
 
 t ( 
 
 1800 
 
 c ; 
 
 51 
 
 Thomas Heyward, 
 
 u 
 
 1809 
 
 u 
 
 64 
 
 Georgia. 
 
 
 
 
 
 Button Gwinnett, 
 
 ( i 
 
 1777 
 
 ( : 
 
 45 
 
 Lyman HalL 
 
 ( ( 
 
 1781 
 
 a 
 
 60 
 
 George TTalton, 
 
 ( ( 
 
 1803 
 
 
 64 
 
 SILENCE. 
 
 Silence is not always commendable : it is foolish, 
 if we are wise, and certainlr wise if we are fools. 
 
 Some men are silent for want of matter, whilst 
 others are veiy talkative for want of sense. 
 
 SIMPLICITY. 
 
 '"Oh. I could walk a journey to the farthest 
 verge of this great world, to see that man. who. in 
 the power of wisdom and of art. preserves a lovely 
 mind, or feels the sense of his own littleness in 
 meek simplicity.'' — Wfiite. 
 
 SIN. 
 
 '•Indifference to sin is the first step towards the 
 love of it." — Br. Dwigfd. 
 
184 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 "He that would grow divinely wise, 
 Must with God's fear begin ; 
 The strongest jDroof of knowledge lies 
 In hating every sin." 
 
 — Watts, 
 
 "Soon as we draw our infant breath, 
 The seeds of sin grow up for death; 
 Virtue demands a perfect heart, 
 But we're defiled in every part." 
 
 — Watts. 
 
 SINCERITY. 
 
 "Thou art the dearest object of my heart — 
 Pray search that heart and see ; 
 And from my bosom tear that part 
 That beats not true to thee." 
 
 "Yes! in that bosom thou art dear, 
 Far more than words can tell; 
 If there's a fault concealed within, 
 'Tis loving thee too well." — Moore. 
 
 Cold as a frozen fountain, 
 
 Colder my heart must be. 
 If ever I forget the love, 
 
 The love I had for thee. 
 Bright as the purest flame. 
 
 Illumined by the sun, 
 My heart has burned with fire. 
 
 Since first that love begun. 
 
oeiCtIxal asb selected EEMAEKS. 185 
 
 Pure as a flake of sno^-, 
 
 By geutle zephyrs driven, 
 The love that's in my breast 
 
 Is trite as that from heaven. 
 Calm as the shades of night. 
 
 And quiet as the grave, 
 "VTouId I my life lay down, 
 
 That love for you to ha^-e. 
 
 For when this life is o"er, 
 
 The value of that love 
 "Will then begin to shine 
 
 In realms of bliss above. 
 Anticipate the day. 
 
 And whilst my love is thine, 
 Eeciprocate the same. 
 
 And be forever mine. 
 
 SLANDER. 
 
 •'A slanderer felt a serpent bite his side; 
 TThat followed from the bite? 
 
 The serpent died." 
 
 Pray do not state opinions Idindly, 
 AVhich, if false, to trouble tends. 
 
 He of whom you spoke unkindly 
 May have been your warmest friend. 
 
 Take then wisdom's warning voice, 
 Censure not your neighbor's acts, 
 
 But It-t it always be your choice 
 To found the truth upon the facts. 
 
186 ORlQmAL AND SELECTED BEMARKS. 
 
 SLEEP. 
 
 " Sleep dwell upon your eyes, peace in thy breast; 
 Would I were sltsj) a.nd peace to enjoy such rest." 
 
 — ShaJcesjjears. 
 
 SMILE. 
 
 "His very smile was cunning; liis wooden face 
 resembled a big O in the centre of a play-bill; his 
 study was among the portraits of the rogues' 
 gallery. — DicJcens. 
 
 "When tradesmen smile, they safely cheat with 
 ease, 
 
 And smiling lawyers never fail for fees ; 
 
 The doctor's look, the patient's pain beguiles; 
 
 The sick man lives, if his physician smiles; 
 
 A lover smiles, too many do believe, 
 
 And women smile on those they would deceive. 
 
 Thus smiles, with interest, hand in hand do go; 
 
 He will succeed, who smiles in joy or woe; 
 
 So let it always be your chief endeavor 
 
 To lead a merry life, and smile forever." 
 
 SNXTFF. 
 
 "And 'twixt his finger and his thumb he held a 
 perfume box, which, ever and anon, he gave his 
 nose, then took it away again." — Sliakespeare. 
 
 SOCIETY. 
 
 Society is the atmosphere of souls, in which we 
 always imbibe something infectious or salubrious. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EE1[AEKS.. 187 
 
 The society a man keeps, is not onlr the index of 
 his character, hut it likewise tends to form and 
 fashion it. 
 
 To determine a man's position in society, from 
 the calhng he foUoTrs for an honest living, is con- 
 trary to the justice of good sense and the genius of 
 our political institutions. 
 
 Some men are as entertaining in society, on first 
 acquaintance, as a hand-organ; but like that 
 instrument, when the tunes are played out, on the 
 next interview they are just as dull and monoto- 
 nous. 
 
 In entering into good society it is always best to 
 strike high: not that the highest are always the 
 best. but. if disgusted, you can descend at auy 
 time with grace: whilst if you begin with the 
 lower grade you will find it very difficult to 
 ascend. 
 
 SOLDIER. 
 
 '•On Fame's eternal camping-ground 
 Their silent tents are spread, 
 And glory guards, with solemn round, 
 The bivouac of the dead.'" — Toixmend. 
 
188 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 TJie best soldier is an Irishman half drunk; a 
 Scotchman half starved ; an^ EDglishman with his 
 belly full; and a Yankee with "Hail Columbia" in 
 his knapsack. 
 
 SOPHISTRY, 
 
 "Dogmatic jargon, learnt by heart, 
 Trite sentences, hard terms of art. 
 To common ears seems so profound 
 They fancy learning in the sound." — Butler. 
 
 SORROW. 
 
 "The path of sorrow, and that 2:>ath alone, 
 Leads to the land where sorrow is unknown. 
 No traveler ever reach'd that blest abode 
 Who found not thorns and briers on the road." 
 
 — (Jowijer. 
 
 SOTJI.. 
 
 "When nature ceases thou shalt still remain, 
 Nor second chaos bound thy endless reign; 
 Fate's tyrant laws thy happier lot sliall- brave. 
 Baffle destruction and elude the grave." — Tickell. 
 
 SPECIES, 
 
 There are upon the 
 600 quadrupeds of 
 700 reptiles 
 3,000 fish 
 4,500 birds 
 40,000 insects 
 
 earth and in the seas: 
 
 various kinds, 
 u u 
 
 U (( 
 
ORIGIXAL AND SELECTED BEMARK3. 
 
 183 
 
 "The earth is full of Thy riches, O Lord, and 
 Thou givest to all their meat in due season." 
 
 SPECULATION. 
 
 Of all speculations the market holds forth, 
 The best that I know, for a lover of pelf, 
 
 Is to buy "Johnny" up, for the price he is worth. 
 And then sell him out, what he asks for himself. 
 
 SPEECH. 
 
 We sometimes think we could a speech produce 
 Much to the purpose, if our tongues were loose; 
 But when we try. words die upon tlie lip, 
 Faint as a chicken's note that has the pip. 
 
 STEAM, 
 
 "Steam, like a mighty shuttle, flies across the 
 ocean, weaving the web of commerce, and warping 
 in national amity every people of the civilized 
 world." 
 
 STUDY. 
 
 "With curious art the brain (too finely wrought) 
 Preys on itself, and is destroyed by thought; 
 Constant attention Avears the active mind. 
 Destroys her powers and leaves a blank behind." 
 
190 OBIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 SUCCESS. 
 
 It is success that colors all iji life, 
 
 Makes villains honest, and the rogue admired; 
 Yea, even virtue, if opposed by strife, 
 
 Yields to success, no matter how acquired. 
 
 SUICIDE. 
 
 I am weary of life, I am tired of earth. 
 
 Of its painful sorrows and its boisterous mirth ; 
 
 Of its changeful scenes, its uncertain joys. 
 
 Its woes and frowns, and its pleasure that cloys ; 
 
 Of its dreams that harrass my troubled breast — 
 
 'Tis the grave alone that can give me rest. 
 
 "To cut his throat, a brave man scorns; 
 Instead of his throat, he cuts his corns," 
 
 SUNSET. 
 
 "Then twilight drew the curtain up, and pinned 
 it with a star." 
 
 If there's a time when moments flow 
 
 More pleasantly than all beside. 
 It is, of all our hours below, 
 
 A sunset eve in summer time. 
 
 SURPRISE. 
 
 Emma, I swear by all I ever swore, 
 Now, from this hour, I sliall not love thee more. 
 What! not love me m(n-e? Why this broken vow? 
 Because I cannot love thee m,ore than now. 
 
OEIGIXAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 191 
 
 SWEAHING. 
 
 From every tongue let praise be heard, 
 Not oaths or songs profane ; 
 
 Remember who has spoke the "word: 
 "Take not my name in vain." 
 
 I think, Mr. D. , since so often you swear 
 
 (For you swear both in day and by nigiit), 
 If called to defend what no doubt you commend, 
 
 You'll convince us that swearing is light ; 
 If 'tis not the case, I declare to your face 
 
 I could wish you a little more cool, 
 Lest some of your friends, severer tlian me, 
 
 Should plainly pronounce you a fool. 
 
 "It chills my blood to hear the blest Supreme 
 Rudely appealed to on each trifling theme! 
 Maintain your rank, vulgarity despise ; 
 To'swear is neither brave, polite, nor wise; 
 You would not swear upon a bed of death" 
 Reflect — your Maker now could stop your breath. 
 
 TALENT. 
 
 " How few we see with real talents blessed, 
 Fewer with Nature's gifts contented rest;" 
 How many in the world go headlong and astray, 
 Looking for something good, but oft mistake the 
 way. 
 
 TALKING. 
 
 Men of good, sound, common sense, say a great 
 
192 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 deal in a few words, whilst the conceited scholar 
 has a talent for saying^too much that amounts to 
 nothing. 
 
 TASTE. 
 
 In reading authors, some their taste express, 
 And value books as women do their dress; 
 Talk as you will, of taste you often find 
 That gill-edged nonsense captivates the mind; 
 If this be true, dear reader, you may see 
 The moral of these lines, applied to thee. 
 
 TAXES. 
 
 There is one passage in Holy Writ in which all the 
 powers on earth agree, viz. : ' ' And there went out 
 among them in those days a decree that all the 
 world should be taxed." 
 
 THEATRE, 
 
 "Where one base scene will turn more souls to 
 shame. 
 
 Than ten good moral lectures can reclaim." 
 
 — Sprague. 
 
 "A place where dancing sybils wear tight panta- 
 lettes. 
 
 And fill immoral heads with luscious pirouettes." 
 
 — Sprague. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMAEKS. 
 
 193 
 
 THEFT. 
 
 " He that is rolDb'd. not ^vanting what is stolen. 
 Let him not know it. and he's not robbed at alL" 
 
 TELEG-RAPH. 
 
 "Twas Franklin's hand that caught the horse 
 "^Vhicli. harnessed by Professor Morse. 
 Like lightning runs through all the States, 
 Bringing the news to latest dates. 
 
 e-»-» 
 
 TEMPEKAK-CE. 
 
 3Iakes the head clear, tlie heait light, the body 
 warm, the purse heavy, health better, and death 
 easy. 
 
 TEMPEB. 
 
 That man's a fool, who tries by force or skill 
 To stem the current of a woman's will: 
 Better to yield, if in her love your trust is. 
 Than cross her ways and do yourself injustice. 
 
 Persons of diflerent temperament should never 
 marry: like ice and fire, whilst one extinguishes 
 the other, it destroys itself. 
 
 TEMPTATION. 
 
 Temptations eveiywhere annoy, 
 And sinful snares my peace destroy; 
 ]\Iy life with various troubles tossed, 
 My hopes are blasted, projects crossed; 
 'Tis every day such hours I spend— 
 I wonder when this scene wi;l end I 
 
194 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 TIME. 
 
 We compute the days from midnight, the Chi- 
 nese from sunrise, and the Je'ws from sunset. 
 
 Tlie year 1900 will not be leap-year: in course 
 of time the odd minutes making an extra day. 
 
 We lament the shortness of time, yet have more 
 spare hom-s than we know what to do with. 
 
 In the United States, the longest day has 14 
 hours; in Stockholm, 15; in London, 16; in Ham- 
 burg, 17 ; in St. Petersburg, 19 ; in Finland, 21 ; in 
 Norway, the sun shines two months, and in Spitz- 
 bergen, three and a half months consecutively. 
 
 o'clock in New York it is 
 00 midniofht " Pekin. 
 
 At 12 
 12. 
 11.36 A. M 
 11. 
 11. 
 10. 
 10. 
 
 12. 
 6. 
 5. 
 6. 
 5. 
 4. 
 
 20 
 05 
 50 
 48 
 40 ' 
 15 p. 
 40 
 
 45 ' 
 45 ' 
 05 ' 
 55 
 
 in Charleston, 
 Cincinnati, 
 " Chicago, 
 " St. Louis, 
 " New Orleans, 
 ' San Francisco, 
 in Portland, 
 " Constantinople, 
 " Rome, 
 " Vienna, 
 " Paris, 
 " London, 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED BEMARKS. 195 
 
 A line wliich has two ends, one beginning in the 
 cradle, the other ending in the tomb. 
 
 "Six hours to sleep, to honest labor seven, 
 The same to study give, iDut all for heaven." 
 
 Tlie moments fly — a minute's gone, 
 The minutes fly — an hour has run ; 
 The day is past, the night is here ; 
 So flies the week, the month, the year. 
 
 TIMIDITY. 
 
 I pity him so deep in love, 
 
 Who won't confess the itching pain 
 
 So timid he to make the move. 
 And ask his girl to change her name. 
 
 TOAST. 
 
 Come, fill up your glasses, fill high to the brim. 
 And he that won't fill, I'll not drink to him : 
 "Here's" our next jovial meeting, and then 
 
 when we meet. 
 May the wine be as lively and our meeting as 
 sweet. 
 
 " Here's to the girl of bashful sixteen, . 
 And here's to the widow of fifty, 
 And here's to all ages that come in between, 
 But all, to the one that's most thrifty." 
 
 — SJLeridan. 
 
196 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 To each and all I bid good night, 
 
 May pleasing dreams and -slumbers light 
 
 Attend yon all till break of day. 
 
 When we meet again, I'll have more to say. 
 
 ' ' Now here's to thee, my pretty dear. 
 And may your eyelids never shine 
 Beneath a darker, bitterer tear. 
 
 Than bathes it in this glass of wine." 
 
 " Fill your glasses full, every drop we sprinkle 
 O'er the brow of care, smooths away a wrinkle ;" 
 Should you- not drink at all, you then should feel- 
 no pain. 
 
 But if you drink and fall, you should never drink 
 again. 
 
 Who cares for wrinkles when, the face presents 
 a smile. - 
 
 Surely the wine is false and the brow is full of 
 guile. 
 
 TOBACCO, 
 
 Pernicious weed, whose lilthy taste annoys 
 Our finer feelings, and our healtli destroys. 
 Its worse effect is banishing for hours 
 The sex whose presence civilizes ours ; 
 A drug but suited to a gardener's wants 
 To poison vermin that infests his plants. 
 
OEIGIXAL Ayi) SELECTED BEMAP.KS. 
 
 197 
 
 TOILETTE. 
 
 Of what is your toilette made, dear girl, 
 
 Of what does your dress consist? 
 
 Of jewels and silks and marvelous lace, 
 
 Which a princess royal, well might grace; 
 
 Bracelets of pearl with enamelled clasp, 
 
 Girdles of gems with a golden hasp 
 
 Of such is my toilette made. 
 
 No — of gems and laces and girdles gold, 
 
 Of something besides, dear girl ; 
 
 'Tis made of the bitter and terrible cost 
 
 Of the lives of a hundred women lost, 
 
 Who, with toiling fingers and hearts of care, 
 
 Did labor for life and all things dare 
 
 For bread to eat, and an bumble bed, 
 
 A pillow of stone for a virtuous head ; 
 
 With eyes to glare, with a stupid stare, 
 
 At the iron face of dark despair. 
 
 Of these is your toilette made. 
 
 TOMBS. 
 
 We see their names engraved on stone, 
 
 Their bodies in the clay. 
 Perhaps before the year is gone. 
 
 Ourselves may be as they. 
 
 TO-MOmiOW. 
 
 To-day man's dressed in robes both clean and 
 bright, 
 
 Wrapt in a shroud before to-morrow night; 
 To-day he feeds upon delicious food, 
 To-morrow dead, unable to do good ; 
 
198 
 
 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED liEJfAEKS. 
 
 To-day,he's grand, majestic, all delight, 
 And then a corpse before to-morrow night. 
 True, as the Scripture says, man's life's a span; 
 The present moment is the life of man. 
 
 TOPER. 
 
 In spite of misfortune, a refuge I know. 
 When the world coldly frowns, to the bar-room I 
 go, 
 
 And there bid defiance to foes and to strife, 
 In a glass of good brandy, the joy of my life. 
 
 TREASON, 
 
 "Is there not some chosen curse. 
 Some hidden thunder in the stores of heaven. 
 Bed with uncommon wrath, to blast the man 
 Who owe's his greatness to his country's ruin? " 
 
 — Addison. 
 
 TRIFLE. 
 
 Emma, you know I'm fond of cake, 
 That heart of yours I long to lifle ; 
 
 So give it me — I want to make 
 A fine dessert of cake and trifle. 
 
 TROUBLE. 
 
 If it were not for trouble and sorrow, we would 
 never discover the good there is in us. 
 
OEIGIXAL A^^D SELECTED REMAEKS. 199 
 
 To tliee I tell my every grief, 
 
 'Tis you alone can heal ; 
 Just speak the word, and bring relief, 
 
 And cure the pains I feel. 
 
 With feeble heart and troubled mind, 
 No consolation can I find, 
 But not to thee I lay the blame. 
 'Tis from your eyes my illness came. 
 Is there no cure, yes, I am sure 
 Frenzy may be changed to bliss. 
 Those lips of yours, if once applied. 
 Could soon restore me by a kiss. 
 
 TUTJE. 
 
 AVlien you are clieerful. kind and free, 
 You'll surely find a friend in me ; 
 And when you sigh for one alone, 
 How pleased Td feel to be that one. 
 But since I hear you're inclined to rove 
 With other men, then good-bye, love. 
 Ton must be candid, fond and true, 
 Through good report and evil too ; 
 If not, I swear your love may go — 
 For aught I care — to '■Jericho.^ 
 • »>-« • 
 
 TP.UST. 
 
 Trust no party, church or faction, 
 Trust no ' leaders ' in the fight ; 
 Trust no custom, school or fashion, 
 Trust in God and do what's right." 
 
200 ORIGIJSfAL AND SELECTED EEMARKS. 
 
 TRUTH. 
 
 "Dare to be true, as nothing ^eeds a lie; 
 A fault that makes it grows two tliereby." 
 
 Fearlessly the truth i's probing 
 Systems, time has rendered gray, 
 
 And hypocrisy disrobing, 
 
 Tearing falsehood's mask away. 
 
 
 
 Encourage then its happy mission. 
 Speed it in its work of good. 
 
 Teach mankind their true position — 
 Universal brotherhood. 
 
 There are some men who say more than the truth, 
 on some occasions, and balance the account with 
 their consciences by saying less than the truth, on 
 others. 
 
 Truth is as often violated by silence, as by false- 
 hood itself. 
 
 "He who is afraid to express his opinion freely, 
 when true, is not only a fool, but a coward, if he 
 dreads the opinion of others." — De Foe. 
 
 TUNNELS. 
 
 "The longest tunnels in the world are in Germany. 
 At Frieberg, 24 miles long; the Ernst Aug. tun- 
 
OBIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 201 
 
 nel is miles, at Clanstlial, lOf miles; at Schem- 
 nitz, 9 miles. Mont Cenis is 7i miles long. In the 
 United States, the Hoosac tunnel is the longest tun- 
 nel finished— 5 miles. The Sierra Madre, when 
 completed, will be 12 miles in extent." 
 
 TWILIGHT, 
 
 " Behold the sun fast hastening to his rest! 
 With golden lustre he gilds tlie gorgeous west ; 
 Lo ! the bright orb, with brilliant evening ray. 
 Glows from the heavens to mark the closing day; 
 Above the azure skies his glories spread, 
 To show creation's works with joy arrayed. 
 'Tis thus to earth a moment's glance is given 
 To think of endless blissfulness in heaven." 
 
 TYUANNY, 
 
 " Of all the tyrannies of human kind, 
 
 The worst is that which persecutes the mind." 
 
 UNBELIEF. 
 
 Hast thou in moments calm, serene, 
 An unbeliever's death-bed seen ? 
 What anguish, terror, fright and pain, 
 Racks his benighted, fiery brain ; 
 
 A foe to God ! with expiring breath, 
 lie cries, "O save me ! now, from death." 
 
202 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 UNITED STATES. 
 
 
 Settled. 
 
 AdTTiission. 
 
 
 Florida, . 
 
 1565. 
 
 1845. 
 
 Spanisli. 
 
 Virginia, 
 
 1607. 
 
 1788. 
 
 English.. 
 
 New York, . 
 
 1614. 
 
 ( ; 
 
 Dutch. 
 
 JVEassacliusetts, 
 
 1620. 
 
 a 
 
 English. 
 
 IT. Hampsliire, 
 
 1623. 
 
 ii 
 
 u 
 
 IT. Jersey, 
 
 1624. 
 
 1787. 
 
 Danes. 
 
 Delaware, . 
 
 1627. 
 
 u 
 
 Swedes. 
 
 Maine, 
 
 1630. 
 
 1820. 
 
 Encrlwh 
 
 r "» nn p p f 1 p n i", 
 
 1630. 
 
 
 U 
 
 lYffi Tvl and 
 
 1633. 
 
 
 u 
 
 "Rliorlp TslflTifl 
 
 1636. 
 
 1790. 
 
 (( 
 
 "N" OfifrtliTin 
 
 1650. 
 
 1789. 
 
 u 
 
 S. Carolina, 
 
 1670. 
 
 1788. 
 
 u 
 
 Michigan, 
 
 1670. 
 
 1837. 
 
 French. 
 
 Pennsylvania, 
 
 1682. 
 
 1787. 
 
 Er> <Tli<5h 
 
 Illinois, 
 
 1683. 
 
 1818. 
 
 FrPTioh 
 
 Arkansas, 
 
 1 RQK 
 iDOO. 
 
 looo. 
 
 (( 
 
 Indiana, . 
 
 1699. 
 
 1816. 
 
 (I 
 
 Louisiana, . . 
 
 1699. 
 
 1812. 
 
 ( ( 
 
 Alabama, . . 
 
 1702. 
 
 1819. 
 
 U 
 
 Mississippi, 
 
 1716. 
 
 1817. 
 
 (( 
 
 Yermont, 
 
 1725. 
 
 1791. 
 
 (( 
 
 Georgia, . . 
 
 1733. 
 
 1788. 
 
 u 
 
 Tennessee, 
 
 1756. 
 
 1796. 
 
 n 
 
OBIG-IXAL AXD SELECTED EEMAEKS. 203 
 
 Settled.. Adm ission . 
 
 ]\Iis50uri, 
 
 1763. 
 
 1821. 
 
 French. 
 
 Kentucky, 
 
 1775. 
 
 1792. 
 
 Daniel Boone. 
 
 Ohio, . . 
 
 1780. 
 
 1802. 
 
 Yankees. 
 
 TTisconsin, 
 
 1836. 
 
 1848. 
 
 Emigrants. 
 
 lova.. . . 
 
 1838. 
 
 1846. 
 
 ( ( 
 
 Texas, . . . 
 
 1845. 
 
 1845. 
 
 u 
 
 Kansas, . 
 
 . 1858. 
 
 1862. 
 
 li 
 
 Xebra^ka, 
 
 
 
 
 Oregon, . 
 
 1859. 
 
 1858. 
 
 il 
 
 California, 
 
 1850. 
 
 1850. 
 
 Yankees. 
 
 3Iinuesota, . . 
 
 1857. 
 
 u 
 
 ( ( 
 
 ZSTevada, . 
 
 1864. 
 
 
 (( 
 
 TT. Virginia, 
 
 1863. 
 
 
 Emigrants. 
 
 
 
 
 
 Oar hearts, dear girl, responsive still 
 
 In unison so closely sweet, 
 Each to the other's movements thrill 
 
 Must love in truth, or cease to beat. 
 
 Then let our hearts forever Aotv 
 In gentle streams together ran, 
 
 To part them now — forbid — Oh. no ! 
 We cannot part : our hearts are one. 
 
 UNIVERSE. 
 
 ''The centre cf the universe is every-where, and 
 its circumference nowhere." — Pascal, 
 
204 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 UNREGENERATE. 
 
 " Alas for those whose hour is near, 
 When mercy will be heard no more ! 
 
 Then will they ask, in vain to hear 
 
 That voice they would not hear before." 
 
 —Dr. Watts. 
 
 VANITY. 
 
 When young indeed, 
 In full content we oft-times proudly rest, 
 Regardless of ourselves ; but only wish, 
 Like duteous sons, our fathers were more wise." 
 
 "How vain are all things here below, 
 
 How false and yet how fair! 
 Each pleasure has its poison, too. 
 
 And every sweet a snare. " 
 
 — Blair. 
 
 " In vain on earth we hope to find, 
 Some solid good, to till the mind ; 
 We try new pleasures, yet we feel 
 The inward thirst and torment still." 
 
 "Man has a soul of vast desires ; 
 He burns within with restless fires; 
 Tossed to and fro, his passions fly ; 
 'Tis naught on earth but v^inity." 
 
 VICE, 
 
 "Vice stings us even in our pleasures, whilst 
 virtue consoles us in our pains." — Lacoii. 
 
0RI9IXAL AXD SELECTED EEAIARKS. 
 
 205 
 
 VIHTUE. 
 
 Kefp virtue's simple path Ijefore your eyes, 
 ]S"or tliiuk from evil, good can ever rise. 
 
 " Such is tlie fate unhappy Tvomen find, 
 And such the curse entailed upon their kind; 
 That man, the lawless libertine may rove. 
 Free and unquestioned, in the wilds of love: 
 T\'hile woman, if she swerves from virtue's way. 
 And in the hidden paths of pleasure stray, 
 Ruin ensues, reproach and endless shame, 
 By one false step, entirely damns her fame." 
 
 Virtue can face the storms of age,. 
 "T will prove itself in every stage ; 
 But if once lost, it suifers more 
 Than it had ever gained before. 
 
 VOLCANOES. 
 
 Volcanic fires are hieroglyphics of nature, never 
 fully deciiDhered, 
 
 VOLUNTEER. 
 
 "Roll, Rappahannock, proudly roll, along thy 
 rocky glen. 
 
 Above thee lies the grave of one of Stonewall 
 
 Jackson's men ; 
 Beneath the shade of a lofty pine, in solitude 
 
 austere. 
 
 Unknow, unnamed, forgotten, lies — A Georgia 
 Volunteer." 
 
 — Jlrs. Toicnsend. 
 
206 
 
 OBIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 When Gabriel blows his final blast, 
 If " Stonewall" should be near, 
 
 You'll hear the shout of "Z^me," then, 
 From this Georgia Volunteer. 
 
 VOWS. 
 
 Once your sacred vows are broken, 
 Friends j^ou cannot then retain; 
 
 Often words in error spoken 
 Find a passage home again. 
 
 VOYAGE. 
 
 In the voyage of life, how many profess to be 
 sailing for heaven; but take special care not to 
 venture outside of earth, for fear of shipwreck. 
 
 WAITING. 
 
 *'She watches at the door, and waiting at the gate, 
 Sighs for her old man, like a bird that's lost its 
 mate. 
 
 The hour is late, the lamp is trimm'd, her loving 
 
 heart is there. 
 Her g-entle eyes with tears are dimm'd, see here his 
 
 emjity chair." 
 
 Roll back that chair and go to bed, 
 
 Nor slied another tear; 
 The old man's gone to the wayside inn, 
 
 To get a glass of beer. 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 207 
 
 WALTZ, 
 
 " Her feet, beneath her petticoat 
 Like little mice stole in and out, 
 
 As if they feared the light ; 
 She whirls around in such a way, 
 I wish the night would turn to day, 
 
 To better view the sight." 
 
 WANTS. 
 
 The only thing which we are sure to want in 
 this world, and which we can never purchase, is a 
 coffin ; and the only act performed by our friends, 
 of which we cannot complain, is our funeral. 
 
 
 He who buys what he does not want, will soon 
 have to want, that he cannot buy. 
 
 WAH. 
 
 The war of the French Revolution cost 2,500,000 
 lives. 
 
 The wars with Napoleon cost England 4,000,000 
 lives, and £1,500,000,000 in treasure. 
 
 The war with America cost the British nation 
 340,000 lives, and £151,000,000. 
 
 Kapoleon's glory was purchased by the sacrifice 
 of six millions of human beings. 
 
208 OEIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Tlie Florida Seminole war cost the United States 
 $45,000,000 to subdue fifteen hundred Indians. 
 
 The expenses of the war with Mexico was 
 $100,000,000. 
 
 The war between the North and the South cost 
 the United States $5,500,000,000. The South lost 
 one-half this sura in property alone, whilst the 
 [North sacrificed at least 620,000 men. 
 
 " War is of use to human kind ; for, when we have 
 passed a few dull years of peace and propagation, 
 the world becomes overstocked with fools, and 
 wants a pestilence, at least, if not a hero." 
 
 WASHINGTON. 
 
 "Marble columns may molder into dust, and 
 time erase all impress from the crumbling stone, 
 but his fame rose with American liberty, and with 
 American liberty alone can perish. The last swell- 
 ing peal of his funeral choir announced ' his body 
 buried in peace ; ' but posterity caught the echo of 
 funeral triumph to proclaim, ' His name will live 
 forever. ' " — Webster. 
 
ORIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEITABKS. 209 
 
 WATCH. 
 
 '• He who a cratch innst wear, two things should do : 
 Pocket his watch, but watch his pocket, too." 
 
 WEALTH, 
 
 "Wealth "is the root of every evil,'' 
 As the Sacred Scriptures tell ; 
 
 We. hoard it liere, to serve the devil, 
 Who pays us l3ack in hell. 
 
 Those who are in the ^Dossession of wealth are, 
 in effect, intended by Providence as the trustees of 
 the poor and ; distressed and will be so reckoned, 
 when they give their final account. 
 
 ''Abundance is a blessing, to the M'ise, 
 The use of riches, in discretion lies; 
 Then learn this maxim: that a heavy purse 
 In a fool's pocket, is a heavy curse."' 
 
 — Curiiberland. 
 
 Men sometimes bequ£ath property that is often 
 mortgaged, or money that is soon squandered. 
 The best inheritance is a sound constitution, with 
 an unblemished reputation, based on a liberal edu- 
 cation. This IS true wealth, better far than gold 
 or silver. 
 
210 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Wealth, spent in sclienies of ambition, produces 
 disapjDointment ; if in law, vexation ; if in luxury, 
 disease. 
 
 "Madam, I own 'tis not your person 
 My stomach's set so sharp and fierce on, 
 But 'tis your better part — your riches — 
 That my enamor'd heart bewitches. 
 
 • — Butler'. 
 
 He is rich, whose income is more than his ex- 
 penses ; but he is poor, whose expenses exceed his 
 income. 
 
 WEBSTER. 
 
 "When the genius of American liberty shall 
 weep over the grave of Webster, it will be in the 
 bitterness of a widow-hood made desolate by the 
 loss of her ablest and firmest supporter." 
 
 WEDLOCK. 
 
 In wedlock a species of lottery lies, 
 Where in blanks and in prizes we deal; 
 
 How comes it that you, such a capital prize, 
 Should remain so long in the wheel? 
 
 If ever by Fortune's indulgent decree, 
 
 To me such a ticket is sold, 
 One-eiglith, heaven knows, would satisfy me. 
 
 For what could I do with the whole ? 
 
ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMAEES. 211 
 
 " Oh, liappy pair, to every blessing born. 
 For you may life's calm stream in quiet run ; 
 
 For you its flowers bloom without a thorn, 
 And bright as morning be your setting sun." 
 
 — Paine. 
 
 WEEPING. 
 
 "Oh, what temptations o'er our souls do creep! 
 Our earthly errors make the angels weep." 
 
 — Mrs. Townsend. 
 
 The classic poet truly said. 
 
 In words of deepest scorn, 
 ' ' Man's inhumanity to man 
 
 Makes countless millions mourn." 
 This mighty truth is verified ; 
 
 We heedless hear the cries; 
 In sympathj- the angels weep, 
 
 In sorrow, tears and sighs. 
 
 WEIGHTS (vide Measures'). 
 
 A cubic foot of sand weighs 100 pounds. 
 
 u 
 
 u 
 
 clay. 
 
 
 125 
 
 
 (( 
 
 u 
 
 brick, 
 
 u 
 
 130 
 
 u 
 
 (( 
 
 (( 
 
 granite, 
 
 u 
 
 205 
 
 u 
 
 u 
 
 u 
 
 iron. 
 
 u 
 
 450 
 
 u 
 
 n 
 
 (( 
 
 steel. 
 
 ( 1. 
 
 490 
 
 u 
 
 
 u 
 
 copper, 
 
 u 
 
 490 
 
 (I 
 
 
 u 
 
 lead, 
 
 u 
 
 700 
 
 u 
 
212 
 
 OBIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 A cubic foot of silver weighs 650 pounds. 
 " " gold, 1200 
 
 " " oak, " 66 
 
 " " water, " 62 
 
 " " cedar, " 34 
 
 " cork, " 15 
 
 WICKEDNESS. 
 
 What wicked thoughts corrupt our mind: 
 
 How obstinate our will ! 
 In all that's good our eyes grow blind, 
 
 But prone to all that's ill. 
 
 WIDOWER. 
 
 Soou as death has deprived him of a dear, loving 
 wife, 
 
 He mingles again in the pleasures of life; 
 To seek a new object, and, cheerfully, then 
 Concludes it is best he should marry again; 
 With a foretaste of w-edlock, no time to consider. 
 His choice is soon made, whether maiden or 
 widow ; 
 
 Just so with such men, how seldom they tarry; 
 They are never contented till some one they 
 
 marry. 
 WIFE. 
 
 " How pleasant 'tis to meet a wife 
 
 When our daily lal)or's o'er; 
 
 How sweet the music of her step 
 
 When she meets you at the door." 
 
 — Brake. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED r:E3lASE.S. Oyi 
 
 When fortune frowns, or friends forsake. 
 
 A loving wife T\-ill cheer us ^ 
 Li all our woes she will partake, 
 
 And in distress endear us. 
 
 The man who, iii life, is blest with a wife. 
 
 Is sure in a hajDpj condition: 
 Try things as you will, she'll stick to you. stilly 
 
 As comforter, fiiend. and physician. 
 
 I want a wife, both young and fair. 
 
 With spirits light and cheery. 
 To bless me with her pretty smiles. 
 
 And cheer my heart when weary. 
 When dark misfortune's hour is come, 
 
 Of sorrow's clouds comes near me, 
 To make my home an Eden here. 
 
 And fondly call me dearie." 
 2vow should this meet the eye of one, 
 
 And that one deign to hear me, 
 rd lire for her. and her alone. 
 
 And she shall be my deary. 
 
 Tliey seek for mle. supremacy and sway. 
 When they have sworn to serve, love and obey, 
 
 Wlien on thy bosom I recline, 
 Euraptur'd when I call thee mine. 
 
 Through all the scenes of life, 
 I olory in those sacred ties 
 Which bachelors and fools despise, 
 
 Of husband and of wife." 
 
214 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 'Tis said that all the women 
 
 Were made, as wiv,es, for men ; 
 And this is true, 'tis holy writ; 
 
 It surely follows, then — 
 That every mortal man, on earth, 
 
 Should not delay nor tarry; 
 But get himself a mate at once, 
 
 And then prepare to marry. 
 Now, I believe, the truth indeed. 
 
 The men would not refuse, 
 If they could only once secure 
 
 The woman whom they choose; 
 But such is my experience, 
 
 Which I candidly confess, 
 I loved a pretty maiden once — 
 
 Her name perhaps you'll guess; 
 That love for her icastnie,''^ sincere, 
 
 I was caught in a dilemma. 
 "Old maid," says she, "I'll never be; " 
 Yet I have my doubts, Miss E. 
 She thus denied the adage, too, 
 
 That women were ever made 
 As merchandize, to barter off 
 
 To every man in trade. 
 Now had her love been true as mine. 
 
 All other things explained, 
 I think she might have changed her mind, 
 
 And thus her heart have gained ; 
 Yet do not tarry longer, boys, 
 
 For I'm sure you never can 
 Prove any women so sincere 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED REMARKS. 215 
 
 To many any man ; ^ 
 There is a special Providence 
 
 Directs us all through life, 
 Who tells each man the proper time 
 
 When he should take a wife. 
 There's women plenty, now-a-days, 
 
 So take this consolation, 
 'T is given freely for you all, 
 
 Without further explanation. 
 
 Viz. — "There is no goose in this wide world 
 Who, whether soon or late, 
 That does not wish a gander boy 
 For her true and loving mate." 
 
 WILL. 
 
 He is a fool who thinks, by force or skill, 
 To turn the current of a w^oman's will; 
 For if she will or won't, depend upon it, 
 Shell do it in dispute, and there's an end on't. 
 
 —Hai. 
 
 WINE. 
 
 "Wine is held to be a libation worthy of the 
 gods, and clustering grapes have entwined the 
 brows of its divinity; yet how many have poured 
 forth Ijoth tears and l)lood, to prove 'tis only a 
 fountain of eternal damnation." 
 
216 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 "Drink wine, my friend, the goblet sip; 
 
 'Twill dry the falling tear; 
 'Tis not so sweet as woman's lip, 
 
 But, oh, 'tis more sincere ! " 
 
 — Moore. 
 
 "The joy which wine does give, like smoky fires, 
 Obscures the sight, whose fancy it inspires, 
 'T is to tliy rules, O ! temperance, that we owe 
 All pleasures that from health and strength do 
 flow." 
 
 WISDOM. 
 
 " Wise is the man wiio labors to secure 
 His person safe, ]iis reputation sure." 
 
 "Men of wisdom are instructed by reason; men 
 of understanding by experience ; the ignorant only 
 by necessity, and brutes by nature." — Cicero. 
 
 Tlie door-step to the temple of wisdom is a true 
 knowledge of our own weakness. 
 
 "Delightful task, to rear the tender thought, 
 To teach the young idea, how to shoot ? " 
 
 — Tliornson. 
 
 Shoot what ? Did Thomson ever mean, in truth, 
 He could shoot wisdom, in the heads of youth ? 
 Boys, now-a-days, would ratlier slioot a gun; 
 "Delightful task" to them— 'tis only fun 
 
ORIGIXAL AXD SELECTED l^EMABKS. 
 
 217 
 
 To shoot a robin, jay, or yellow-hammer. 
 Thau squib at "Pike " or Anthou's Latin grammar, 
 In my young days, it was Mt. Zion's rule 
 To iciiip this knowledge in our heads, at school. 
 Say what you please, a better way it teaches, 
 To "rear a tender thought" beneath one's 
 breeches. 
 
 "1^'isdom by study must be won, 
 'Tis not entailed from sire to son." 
 
 — Gay. 
 
 Happy the thought, look at the masses ! 
 One part are fools, the other asses ; 
 Experience says, 'tis for the hest. 
 Wisdom should govern all the rest; 
 But such is now our sad condition, 
 We occupy the first position ; 
 If we don't strive to mend the matter, 
 We'll soon be worthy of tlie latter. 
 For sire and son, are bent on evil, 
 Our State is going to the devil. 
 
 WIT. 
 
 •Olen have for wits at first, then poets, passed; 
 Turn'd critics next, but proved but fools at last, 
 xls clumsy mules are neither horse nor ass, 
 So they for neither wits nor critics pass," 
 
 — Pope. 
 
318 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED EEMAEKS. 
 
 "Excess of wit may often-times beguile; 
 Jests are not always pardoned by a smile; 
 Men may disguise their malice at the heart, 
 And seem at ease yet pained with inward smart." 
 
 — Dry den. 
 
 "Wit, well applied, doth use its wisdom right, 
 And gives us knowledge while it gives delight ; 
 Thus, on the stage we with applause behold 
 What would have pain VI us from the pulpit told." 
 
 "His conversation, in earnest or in jest. 
 His judgment, prudence, manners, and his wit, 
 
 Were deem'd appropriate, and a truthful test 
 Of what was ^^roper, graceful, just and fit." 
 
 — Frere. 
 
 Forever foremost in the ranks of fun. 
 The laughing herald of a harmless pun; 
 So rich, so gay, so full of lively wit, 
 He never makes a pun without a hit. 
 
 True wit is like a diamond light 
 When taken from the mine, 
 
 Like genius; when 'tis polished bright 
 'T will cut as well as shine. 
 
 WOMAN. 
 
 History proves that woman, although influenced 
 by lofty impulses, approaches the angels ; yet 
 
OUIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMAEES. 219 
 
 Vviien yielding to passion exhibits a refinement 
 of wickedness never attained by man. 
 
 A good woman is like a Cremona fiddle: the 
 older she gets, the sweeter her tone. 
 
 Like a gold coin, no matter what stamp or 
 superscription, she is a legrd tender the world over. 
 
 The lords of creation." men we call; 
 
 (Some think they rule creation) 
 But they're mistaken, after all: 
 
 'T is woman rules the nation. 
 
 " Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, 
 And hell no fury like a woman scorned." 
 
 — Congrece. 
 
 "T is woman's smiles that lull our cares to rest, 
 'T is woman's charms that gives to life its zest. 
 'T is woman's hand that smooths afliiction's bed. 
 Wipes the cold brow, supports the sinking head." 
 
 "This world is all a fleeting show, 
 
 For man's illusion given: 
 Tlie smiles of joy. the tears of woe 
 
 Deceitful shine, deceitful show 
 There's nothino- true but heaven.'' 
 
 O woman, woman, whether lean or fat, 
 In face an angel, but in heart a cat, 
 
230 ORIGINAL AND SELECTED REMARKS. 
 
 Witli SO mucli of heaven and hell about yon, 
 There is no living with, or without, you. 
 
 "The progress of any nation in morals, civiliza- 
 tion and refinement, is just in proportion to the 
 elevated or degraded position in which woman is 
 placed in society." 
 
 Without woman, the beginning of our lives 
 would be helpless, the middle without pleasure, 
 and the end without comfort. 
 
 "Though but common clay, taken from com- 
 mon earth, molded by Deity himself, and tem- 
 pered by the tears of angels, to make the perfect 
 form of woman." 
 
 The best, are like the ivy — the more you are 
 ruined, the closer they cling to you; yet the worst 
 like the iv}^ — the more they cling to you, the more 
 you are ruined. 
 
 "The heart of woman tastes no truer joy, 
 
 Is never flattered with such dear enchantment ; 
 
 'Tis more than selfish vanity, as when 
 
 She hears the praises of the man she loves." 
 
 — Thompson. 
 
ORIGIYAL AN-D SELECTED REMARKS. 221 
 
 If tlie heart of a man is depressed with cares, 
 He soon feels relief when a woman appears, 
 Provided she's handsome and loving- and true; 
 But if on the contrary, it makes him look blue ; 
 
 An inconstant woman is never in love; a false 
 woman, in love with more than one ; a fickle woman, 
 in love with nobody in particular; and an indiffer- 
 ent woman, nobody can love. 
 
 WOUDS. 
 
 There are but two words in the English lan- 
 guage which contain all the vowels in their regu- 
 lar order, viz. : abstemiously, facetiously. 
 
 WOULD. 
 
 The world is strong and mighty ; but, in its in- 
 finity of littleness, it is certain to wring that noble 
 heart that would dare to defy its power. 
 
 "I am creation's heir, the world, the world is 
 mine . ' ' — Najjo leo n . 
 
 This world is a bundle of hay, 
 Mankind are tiie asses who pull; 
 
 Each tugs it a different way, 
 
 And the greatest of these is John Bull. 
 
 The world is the great turnpike gate on the road 
 
223 
 
 OBIGINAL AND SELECTED EE3IAEKS. 
 
 to immortality, where every man pays toll accord- 
 ing to the manner in which he travels. 
 
 "The world is a well-furnished table 
 Where guests are promiscuously set ; 
 
 They fare as well as they're able, 
 
 And scramble for what they can get."' 
 
 — Bickerstaff. 
 
 " This world's a book, writ by the eternal art 
 Of the great Author, printed in man's heart ; 
 
 'Tis falsely printed, though divinely penn'd. 
 With all the 'errata' showing at the end." 
 
 WOE. 
 
 "The happiest man that ever breathed on earth, 
 With all the glories of estate and birth. 
 Had yet some anxious care to make him know 
 No grandeur was above the reach of woe." 
 
 WORSHIP. 
 
 Blest is that pious house 
 
 Where love and friendship meet. 
 
 Where praise, and prayer, and holy vows, 
 Make their communion sweet. 
 
 WRITING. 
 
 ' ' Of all those arts in which the wise excel, 
 Nature's chief master-piece is writing well; 
 No kind of work requires so nice a touch. 
 And, if well finished, nothing shines so much. " 
 
 —Swift. 
 
OEIGIXAL AXn SELECTED REMARKS. 223 
 
 WRONG. 
 
 "We see the right, and we approve it, too; 
 Coademii the wrong, but yet the wrong pursue." 
 How oft in life we tliink weVe done no evil, 
 Bat on reflection we have played the devil. 
 
 YANKEE. 
 
 "He loves his land, because it is his own. 
 And scorns to give some other reason why; 
 
 He dare sliake hands with king upon a throne, 
 And think it kindness to his Majesty." 
 
 — Halleck. 
 
 YEAR (NEW). 
 
 " The opening year God's mercy shows. 
 Let mercy crown it till it close ; 
 With grateful heart the past we own 
 The future is to all unknown." 
 
 YOUTH. 
 
 " 'T is vain to think love's bright hour 
 
 In blooming youth is shown, 
 For sure its purest, warmest power 
 
 In after age is known ; 
 If passions, chastened and subdued. 
 To riper years are given, 
 ^ 'T is then we view all earthly things 
 In a light that shines from heaven." 
 
 — Barton. 
 
224 onmmAL and selected remarks. 
 
 Nothing should be neglected, which is calculated 
 to improve the taste, cultivate the understanding, 
 or elevate the character of the rising generation. 
 
 "The excesses of youth are but debts due to old 
 age, and payable about tliirty years afterdate, with 
 heavy interest." 
 
 This world is a stage of excitement 
 There's danger wherever you go, 
 
 But when you are tempted in weakness 
 Have courage, brave boy, so say No ! 
 
 The seeds of repentance are sown in youth by 
 pleasure, nurtured in manhood M'ith satisfaction, 
 but reaped in the harvest of age by misery and 
 pain. 
 
 Be up and doing now, young man. 
 For "life is short," do what you can; 
 With you 'tis sweet, with me no more, 
 Though continued to three-score ; 
 For three-score years, when they are gone, 
 "Will then appear as short as one. 
 
 ZEAL. 
 
 ' ' For virtue even, may too much zeal be had, 
 
 The worst of men are fanatics run mad ; 
 
 No wild enthusiast ever yet could rest 
 
 Unless we grant his ideas are the best." 
 
 — Gowper, 
 
OEIGIXAL AXD SELECTED EEMAEKS. 225 
 
 ZEALOT. 
 
 " Fanatic faith when once 'tis wedded fast 
 To some dear falsehood hugs it to the last.'" 
 
 — ^Gore. 
 
 F I I S . 
 
 Some say a poet is a fool: 
 
 By demonstration, reader, show it; 
 Perhaps you can — invert the rule, 
 
 And prove yourself to be a poet. 
 
 This book, my friend, which you Lave read, 
 
 In part I claim as mine ; 
 But what you cannot understand, 
 
 I grant you — " Make it thine ; 
 Though others may its merits seo. 
 
 And credit Avhat is due. 
 Let them the better part secure, 
 
 And leave the rest for you. 
 Should both review this humble work, 
 
 And each the critic play, 
 Just try your hand to write a book. 
 
 I've nothing more to-day. 
 
 ADIEU. 
 
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