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 http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924022359313 
 
"YOUR LOVING 
 NELL" 
 
^^^^-^4Ch^ 77c^ 
 
 NOTES FROM VIENNA AND 
 PARIS MUSIC STUDIOS 
 
 GATHERED BY "DEAREST" 
 FROM LETTERS HOME 
 
 Of the Late 
 
 MRS. NELLY GORE 
 
 FUNK &> WAGNALLS COMPANY 
 
 NEW YORK AND LONDON 
 
 1904 
 
Copyright, 1904, bv 
 
 FUNK & -WAGNAI<I,S COMPANY 
 
 [PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA] 
 
 Published, September, 1904 
 
To the Memory 
 
 OF 
 
 NELLY GORE 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Introduction. By Mabel Wagnalls xi 
 
 Part One 
 
 Letters from Vienna . . . 17 
 
 Part Two 
 
 Letters from Paris . . , 119 
 
 Appendix 
 
 Piano Exercises . . . .211 
 
 Exercises Given by Frau Bree . 213 
 
 Lessons Given by Leschetiszki . 217 
 
 Technical Exercises . • . 229 
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 FACING PAGE 
 
 Mrs. Nellie Gore . Frontispiece 
 
 Professor Leschetiszki .... 44 
 Professor Moszkowski . . . .164 
 Grave of Mrs. Nellie Gore . . . 207 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 With an " open grave," by strange coincidence 
 casually mentioned in the first letter of this col- 
 lection, and a closed grave pictured at the end, 
 the imaginative reader can almost see the hand 
 of Fate propelling the pen of the writer. Every 
 word seems to converge toward the tragedy which 
 occurred only two days after the last " Good-by, 
 dear," was written to her aunt by " Your loving 
 Nell," and which was announced in our daily 
 papers by the following head-lines : 
 
 AMERICAN LADY SHOT IN PARIS 
 IN THE APARTMENT OF A RUSSIAN BARYTONE 
 
 This seemed to suggest a scandal; but those 
 who followed the particulars of " Mrs. Gore's 
 death," which remained prominent in the papers 
 for more than a week, were gradually convinced 
 that their first surmise was erroneous. 
 
 It developed that the " barytone " had been 
 ill for several days, and the lady had presuma- 
 bly called out of sympathy. 
 
 " An accidental discharge of a revolver," which 
 had been lying on the table at his bedside, was the 
 
xii INTRODUCTION 
 
 verdict finally accepted by the court, after suicide 
 had been proved impossible. 
 
 The Americans in Paris unanimously protested 
 against any aspersions on Mrs. Gore's name, 
 and attested their regard for her by attending her 
 funeral en masse — a demonstration of unusual 
 import. Aside from this, it was almost, if not 
 quite, convincing to read a eulogy, in the strongest 
 terms, of her character and disposition indited by 
 her divorced husband. 
 
 But there was one final fact which, to those 
 who knew, left no shadow of doubt as to Mrs. 
 Gore's purity of life and purpose : 
 
 She was studying the piano with Moskowski. 
 
 To say that she was a musician would convey 
 little impression, or that she studied singing, or 
 even piano, would not denote much, for there are 
 many phases and degrees of art ; but to be work- 
 ing with Moskowski meant everything. 
 
 The woman who has advanced herself enough 
 as a pianist to be accepted for tuition by a teacher 
 of such rank has no time or strength for anything 
 ignoble. Only an abiding ambition and deter- 
 mined effort along one path could have brought 
 her to such a point in her art. 
 
 Read these letters, which were penned with no 
 thought of publication, and you will know how 
 
INTRODUCTION xiu 
 
 earnestly she worked, and how deeply she had 
 learned that, as she herself expresses it, "to be a 
 great pianist means absolute self-mastery." Her 
 account of the discouragement and loneliness, 
 which often followed after weeks of nerve- 
 straining work, depicts the experience of count- 
 less students in the capitals of Europe to-day. 
 Her life in Vienna, under Leschetiszki's regime, 
 and her struggles to master his method, are told 
 with minute and peculiar power. 
 
 To the casual reader it might seem that her 
 ambition and efforts were, after all, in vain ; but on 
 further thought we realize that it was her cease- 
 less work and "self-mastery" which, all-uncon- 
 scious to herself, had made the impression on those 
 who met her which so redounded to her credit 
 when her memory was assailed. 
 
 With circumstances all against her — no parents 
 to uphold her, alone in Paris, divorced, and, last 
 but not least, of exceeding beauty, dying in a 
 tragic way, the mystery of which will never be fully 
 solved — she was yet saved from condemnation by 
 the earnest purpose which had dominated her life 
 and made itself felt wherever she went. A grow- 
 ing pathos pervades her final letters, in spite their 
 constant theme of "work, work, work." 
 
 Startling as a prophecy is the unaccountable d&- 
 
xiv INTRODUCTION 
 
 pression she describes in her very last letter — 
 her despairing thoughts of death. 
 
 "It is the first time I was ever so troubled," 
 she adds. "Ail our efforts and endless striving 
 seem so petty and vain." 
 
 Poor Nelly Gore ! 
 
 Blighted ambition is ever a source of pathetic 
 interest. This accounts for the many visitors to 
 the massive mausoleum of Marie Bashkirtseff, and 
 with equal sentiment they may some day go to the 
 grave of Nelly Gore. 
 
 Mabel Wagnalls 
 
PART ONE 
 
 LETTERS FROM VIENNA 
 
"Your Loving Nell" 
 
 S. S. "ViGILANCIA," 
 
 September 12, 1900. 
 Dearest: — 
 
 I wish, first of all, to write you of my trip 
 to Vera Cruz. Oh, how I longed for you to 
 enjoy it with me ! And in this way, perhaps you 
 can — a little. 
 
 There are two lines connecting Vera Cruz with 
 Mexico City, and along each, I was told, the sce- 
 nery is equally grand. As I could not well travel 
 on both, I chose the later built. 
 
 I left Mexico City at 6 a.m., and, until after 
 reaching Puebla at twelve o'clock, there was little 
 that was new to see — a few mountains and jagged 
 rocks, but mostly level, hot fields of the pulque 
 plant. It is wonderful how much of it is grown, 
 and shocking, too, the amount drunk. They say 
 the soil is too alkali to grow anything else, and it 
 must be true, for everywhere around there there 
 is the same dearth of vegetation. Of course, near 
 the city there are some beautiful spots, but the 
 country at large seems that way. 
 
 17 
 
1 8 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 You would laugh to see the little pears and 
 peaches Mexico affords — not larger than walnuts. 
 
 After leaving Puebla, whose elevation is about 
 the same as that of Mexico City, we begin to de- 
 scend, and the scenery becomes grand in the ex- 
 treme. Such wonderful mountains and such 
 frightful precipices ! They have been very bold 
 in building the road — such sharp curves and 
 such ascents and descents that it frightens one. 
 There are two places on the road where we cross 
 three times — a double loop. The mountains are 
 covered with fine, tall pines and lovely little ferns 
 (which I longed to gather), and all kinds of palm 
 and other trees. 
 
 At seven in the evening we reached Jalapa 
 (pronounced Halapa), a beautiful spot, the air 
 balmy and heavy with the perfume of flowers 
 that we saw all about us. We had descended 
 four thousand feet. Jalapa is said to be the most 
 healthful place in North America. No one ever 
 grows old or dies there. However, they have a 
 fine cemetery, which we visited with much interest. 
 They build their cemeteries just like ours ; only a 
 grave, I noticed, which they had dug was plastered 
 and whitewashed inside. 
 
 Just this side of Jalapa there is the most won- 
 derful vegetation I ever read or dreamed of. It 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 19 
 
 must be like that which they tell us existed in the 
 first stages of the world. I can not describe it, it 
 is so profuse and luxuriant. There is not a spot 
 not covered thickly with rich green vines and 
 plants and ferns, and, over all, millions of perfect 
 palm varieties, banana-trees, and the most beauti- 
 ful fern-tree, which they say grows only in that 
 little spot and in New Zealand. It has a slender 
 trunk, perhaps three inches around, and shoots up 
 straight and bare and brown for twenty or twenty- 
 five feet, where fine green fern leaves spring out 
 in all directions, each leaf being about five feet 
 long. They are exquisite. 
 
 The trees are all covered with morning-glory 
 vines and wistaria in full bloom, and the track is 
 cut through all this growth ( doesn't it seem a pity 
 for man to hack at nature's glory in such a way?), 
 and, in places, the vines have caught the trees on 
 the other side of the track and form an archway 
 for us to pass under. 
 
 After that everything seemed tame — from 
 comparison, no doubt. 
 
 Vera Cruz' is nothing but a miserable seaport 
 town. We had time before sailing, and so visited 
 the penitentiary, situated on a small island half a 
 mile out in the gulf, and a most frightful place. 
 Most of the cells are dark and, built under water, 
 
20 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 are damp and vile, they say, tho we were not al- 
 lowed to enter them. 
 
 New York, September 11, 1900. 
 
 The last few days at sea were very rough. 
 Even I, who am a good sailor, was ( as Dearest 
 always says when suffering from mal de mer) 
 "unhappy," and could not add to my steamer 
 letter. 
 
 I shall remain here a few days to attend to 
 matters of business, as you know, but expect to 
 be ready to leave somewhere about the first. 
 
 Two dear letters from you were here to give 
 me greeting. 
 
 What should I do without your letters ! 
 Always your 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 21 
 
 September 30. 
 
 I have engaged passage on the S. S. Friesland, 
 which leaves for Antwerp on the 3d. 
 
 Have sent you two letters since that of the 
 I2th-a2d, tho they were awfiiUy little ones. I 
 was so very busy; but Dearest always understands. 
 She knows the very heart of me. All the en- 
 vironment from which fate has flung me, alone, 
 into a world I know not is familiar to her as to 
 me. I go to a land of strangers and yet to the 
 home of art ! Dearest, it is Destiny ! 
 
 O art, my art! God be thanked that that is 
 left me from the ruin and the wreck of much ! — 
 that, and your true, true love. 
 
 You are not to be anxious, dear. Providence 
 is watching out for me. AH my life, you know, 
 I have dreamed of just the opportunities that are 
 now to be mine. I shall make the most of them, 
 you may be sure, if only once again I can get 
 back the strength that seems washed away in the 
 awful storm of tears. Now, Dearest, it is not 
 wise for either of us to shadow our letters with 
 anything. 
 
 Let us take hold of Hope, and work, work, 
 work to certain ends — you there, and I across the 
 sea. I did not choose this way to success in art, 
 but this way I go, and, somehow, it must be best. 
 
22 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 "What we choose may not be good. But 
 that we choose it, proves it good for us." 
 
 Mrs. Browning is inspiring! 
 
 ***** 
 
 Dearest, you are not to grieve. Think always, 
 " At morning when aweary, or at midnight when 
 afraid," that, wherever she is, your "little girl" is 
 thinking of and loving you. 
 
 Keep heart, sweetheart. I send this kind 
 command to you — with kisses blown your way — 
 out of the fulness of my love for you, and I do 
 it for my sake no less than for your own. We 
 shall not be divided. Beyond the touch of hands ? 
 Yes. But that is not much, comparatively. 
 How often you used to quote your kind friend 
 in New York — a clergyman as well as editor, if I 
 remember rightly — who once said to you of sep- 
 arations: "They are much to most. But we 
 may be worlds removed from those who sit oppo- 
 site us at table day after day, year after year, till 
 the limit of earthly life is reached, and we pass to 
 the world that sets this right." 
 
 Dearest, often I think of what he said, and 
 wonder if his beautiful life had not its hidden 
 tragedy ! 
 
 You and I can never be divided. 
 
 Always your Nelly. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 33 
 
 S. S, "Friesland," October 5. 
 
 Yesterday, at the table, the ship's doctor told 
 
 me that there was a gentleman, Mr. F , on 
 
 board who wished to be presented to me. Last 
 evening he introduced us. 
 
 He knows some of my friends in Mexico, and 
 I do not feel quite so alone, you see. 
 
 I have also become acquainted with Mr. 
 
 K , a gentleman who is a botanist employed 
 
 by the United States government. He has been 
 all over the world, and speaks seven languages. 
 He goes from Antwerp to Nuremberg, which is 
 almost to Vienna, and has kindly offered to take 
 charge of me. 
 
 I am greatly relieved. I hoped that Provi- 
 dence would provide a guide for me. 
 
 There are some musical people on board, and 
 we play cards — tho you know I am not over- 
 fond of that form of diversion. Mr. F is 
 
 teaching me chess. He has been very ill, he 
 tells me, and his hair is white, tho he is a young 
 man. He speaks five languages, one as well as 
 the other. He seems to be a gentleman, is cer- 
 tainly highly educated, and his manner is always 
 kindly courteous. 
 
 There are two sweet-faced old ladies on board 
 
24 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 of whom I am really fond. Some time I will tell 
 you of them. 
 
 Friday. — We are now in the Channel, between 
 England and France. I can not realize it ! We 
 reach Antwerp to-morrow afternoon. I shall 
 
 stay until Monday. Mr. F and Mr. K , 
 
 the botanist, are friends, and we have all planned 
 to go to church on Sunday morning, and to the 
 opera in the evening. 
 
 I am eager to reach Vienna, and to get at my 
 piano work. All, except music, however de- 
 lightful in the passing, seems apart from my real 
 life, and to be remembered only as incidents or 
 as phases of life, and not life itself. 
 
 I wonder if I shall feel lonely in Vienna? Am 
 very thankfial Miss W is there to meet me. 
 
 Saturday. — All is bustle and confusion, pre- 
 paratory to the landing. The voyage has been 
 a not unpleasant one, and more and more I feel 
 that Providence is taking care of me. I am 
 stronger for the sea winds, and everybody is 
 kind to me. They say I am getting a bit of 
 color in my cheeks. That will please my dear- 
 est, I know. 
 
 I shall have a letter from you when I reach 
 Vienna. Lovingly, 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 25 
 
 AcKERGASSE 3, Vienna, October 19. 
 Dearest — Dearest : — 
 
 I have your letters of the 26th and 28th ult., 
 and I love them so ! 
 
 Well, I have much to write you. I tele- 
 graphed from Antwerp to my friend, Miss 
 
 W , here, asking if she knew of a pension 
 
 suitable for me. She answered that she would 
 meet me Thursday evening. I was so relieved. 
 Providence is, indeed, taking care of me ! 
 
 I arrived night before last. Miss W met 
 
 me, and brought me to this lodging-house. Some 
 
 friends of Miss W live here — a Dr. and 
 
 Mrs. H , from Chicago, I think. They are 
 
 pleasant and kind. They have dinners and sup- 
 pers served in their room for themselves and four 
 young American doctors. They have invited 
 me also, for which I am very grateful, as it will 
 keep me from being lonely. The whole party 
 goes out to some opera, concert, or something 
 several times a week ; so I can go, too. 
 
 I have so much to tell you ! 
 
 We reached Antwerp a week ago to-day. Mr. 
 
 F 's father and mother met and wept over 
 
 aim. Of course, he went with them, and Mr. 
 K , the botanist, took me in charge. He 
 
26 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 took all my baggage through the custom-house 
 with his, and without opening, as he has a pass 
 from the United States government. 
 
 We got in at 9 p.m. and went to a hotel, where 
 I had a hot bath, and then to bed. 
 
 The next morning, at ten o'clock, Mr. F 
 
 called for me. He brought the most lovely bunch 
 of white chrysanthemums — flowers as big as plates, 
 with stems a yard long. Antwerp is famous for 
 its chocolate candies. He also brought a box of 
 those. 
 
 And the Cathedral ! Oh, what a marvel it 
 is ! Such space ! Such wonderful domes and 
 arches ! Such stained-glass windows ! And two 
 wonderful paintings by Rubens, and one by Van 
 Dyck ! And the organ ! I never heard such 
 tones. They say it is one of the finest in 
 Europe. 
 
 Later we all lunched together. Mr. F 
 
 had said that his mother wished to have the honor 
 of entertaining us at dinner that night. Of course, 
 we both accepted, and after they left me at my 
 hotel I took my beauty nap, wishing to be well 
 rested for the evening. 
 
 I must here tell you something of Mr. K . 
 
 He is thirty-two years old, and comes of an old 
 and brainy family. His father and four uncles 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 27 
 
 are presidents of different colleges. He speaks 
 seven languages, has studied six years abroad, and, 
 of course, is a man of the world, tho he is, first of 
 all, a student, and as innocent as a child. He has 
 known little of the society of women, tho he is 
 perfectly at ease with them, being too earnest and 
 sincere to be otherwise. He is tall and well 
 formed, with a fine, intellectual face. His life- 
 work, he tells me, is botany. He has been sent 
 abroad to try to get hold of a special variety of 
 hops that grows in Germany, but which we have 
 not in the United States. He says he can but 
 feel a certain satisfaction in seeing things he has 
 brought from distant lands growing all over the 
 United States. He has been in every country on 
 earth. He brought, from Egypt, seedless grapes 
 for raisins, an alfalfa that will grow in alkali soil, 
 dates, different trees, and a new kind of celery. 
 He went wild in Nuremberg over some horse- 
 radish with tremendous roots. 
 
 At 6.30 Mr. F sent his carriage for us. 
 
 We drove to the house, and entered by a marble 
 staircase. A maid removed my wraps, and we 
 were ushered into the drawing-room, where were 
 the father of our companion de voyage, a man with a 
 spiritual face and charming manners, and his 
 mother — a great lady, evidently. She has a 
 
28 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 young face, surmounted by quantities of gray hair, 
 artistically arranged. There were also their 
 daughter and her husband, and his brother. It 
 was a trying moment for me. They are people 
 of elegance and evident wealth, the home being 
 luxuriantly furnished and full of works of art. 
 
 Mrs. F at first, I could see, did not half 
 
 like me, but somehow this knowledge seemed 
 not to embarrass, but rather to put me at 
 ease. 
 
 Mr. F soon offered me his arm, and we 
 
 went to the dining-room. I sat at the father's 
 right; his son, Constant, on my right. My host 
 and I conversed in English ; his son and I in 
 Spanish ; he and his brother-in-law in German ; his 
 
 mother and he spoke French, and Mr. K , who 
 
 was simply heroic, talked of every subject in every 
 tongue. We got on famously. I found, much 
 to my satisfaction, that I understood everything 
 
 said in French. Mrs. F speaks no English, 
 
 but she understands it. I, fortunately, had a 
 pretty gown to wear — a blue-and-white foulard — 
 and I laid myself out to win — and I did. The 
 mother soon looked less suspiciously at me, and, 
 I could feel, liked me. 
 
 The dinner was exquisite, and beautifully served! 
 The finest linen, glass, and silver. Rare old 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 29 
 
 wines in dusty bottles, passed around carefully in 
 baskets. 
 
 After-dinner coffee was served in the drawing- 
 room. 
 
 Later they asked me to play, and they enjoyed 
 it. I saw the father stand at one end of the room 
 and watch me. His son told me the next day 
 that his father had called him to his side, and had 
 said : " What a beautiful woman ! I am a mar- 
 ried man, but if I were not — ! " 
 
 Well, I am glad I pleased them all. They sent 
 us back to our hotel in their coupe, and so ended 
 a delightfully informal evening. 
 
 Next summer I am to visit there again^ by in- 
 vitation of my hostess. I am glad to have been 
 received so kindly. 
 
 On Monday afternoon Mr. K and I left 
 
 Antwerp for Brussels, where we took a Pullman, 
 or, rather, a sleeping-car, and reached Nuremberg 
 at eight the next morning. Such quaint and won- 
 derful architecture ! Such peaked roofs of red 
 tiles ! I bought a postal card for you, which will 
 give you an idea of it. 
 
 Nuremberg is an imperial, fortified city ; popu- 
 lation, about one hundred thousand. In every- 
 thing all over the city " he who runs may read " 
 delightful stories of the rich old burgher classes 
 
30 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 who belonged to the middle ages. Its city hall 
 ranks among the noblest in Germany, and in it 
 one sees some of the paintings of Albert Diirer — 
 the prince of artists, as his countrymen called him. 
 Poor fellow ! You recall how I wept over your 
 reading of his " strange sickness " contracted in 
 Antwerp, and of his eight long years of suffering 
 before he passed away ? Somehow I never could 
 cry over my own reading of history, but you 
 could break me all up in just about five minutes. 
 And then when I read the same eventful lesson 
 over and over by myself, for the life of me I 
 couldn't find a thing to cry over ! 
 
 We visited most of the famous places in Nu- 
 remberg, including the old Cathedral, old Roman 
 Tower, full of relics, and the Museum. Mr. 
 
 K and I got on famously together. Before I 
 
 left — -just to show you how kind and thoughtful he 
 is — he brought me a bottle of quinine (" In case 
 you should take cold," he said), a new lead-pencil, 
 all sharpened, and a dictionary of German and 
 English. I have this moment received a note 
 from him, which I inclose. 
 
 I really feel Providence is watching over me. 
 Ever since leaving Mexico, no woman could have 
 been more tenderly and considerately cared for 
 than I have been. Going up in the Vigilancia, 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 31 
 
 Mr. M was so good to me ! Mr. C met 
 
 me with a carriage, and took me to my old place. 
 
 From New York here, Mr. F and Mr. 
 
 K ; and now, here. Miss W met me, and 
 
 made all arrangements for my living here, where 
 already I am welcomed as one of the crowd of Dr. 
 
 and Mrs. H and the doctors. I shall work 
 
 very hard. Is not this a long letter? I hope all 
 is well with you. 
 
 Love from 
 
 Nell. 
 
32 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 WiEN, October 22. 
 
 Yesterday afternoon Miss W invited Mrs. 
 
 H and me to have tea with her. We had a 
 
 pleasant time, but I felt anxious to get back, feel- 
 ing sure your letter was awaiting me. I flew up 
 the stairs, and asked my Frau " Ein Brief? " She 
 was as happy as I when she answered, " Yes." 
 For I had asked the same question about every 
 hour for the last two days. I could not read your 
 dear words fast enough, and now I shall count 
 the days and hours until the next. 
 
 Did I tell you how disappointing Miss W 's 
 
 experience has been ? She has been here over a 
 year, and she studied for two years in Chicago 
 with one of Leschetiszki's pupils, and, notwith- 
 standing all this, she is still unable to secure 
 lessons from Leschetiszki. It is a poor outlook 
 for me ; but I shall remain, anyway, a few months, 
 and see what I may be able to accomplish. I 
 think I shall remain here in this house. I have 
 been negotiating to-day for two rooms in the 
 front. This room is fearfully dark, and so cold ; it 
 is now twelve o'clock, and, tho my desk is by a 
 window, I am writing by lamplight. It is dark 
 here nearly all the time ; the sun seldom shines. 
 I feel the cold greatly, tho the cold weather is 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 33 
 
 not here yet, they say. I have always a fire in 
 my tall old German stove. They are about a 
 century behind the times on this side the water 
 in all the comforts of life. There are no bath- 
 rooms in the houses. Other essentials are hidden 
 away in dirty, dark little corners of the house, and 
 are vastly inconvenient. There are no elevators ; 
 it seems to me I do nothing but climb stairs. 
 There is not a rocking-chair in all Germany, they 
 say. Even poor old Mexico is away ahead of 
 Austria in many things. I also miss the warmth 
 and sunshine of Mexico. If I go to the front, 
 perhaps the rooms will be more comfortable. 
 
 My own landlady furnishes me with coffee and 
 rolls in the morning, and my dinner and supper 
 
 are taken down-stairs, in Mrs. H 's room, 
 
 with herself, her husband, and the young Amer- 
 ican doctors ; they are all kind to me. I am, in- 
 deed, fortunate in finding them. It would be 
 awful here alone, hearing this strange tongue on 
 every side. 
 
 My poor old landlady's sole aim in life seems 
 to be to keep the fire going in my tall stove and 
 to supply me with hot water. I wonder if she 
 knows that she is living in the midst of so much 
 that is great and beautiful? 
 
 So far I have been around very little. I have 
 
34 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 been ill since arriving; besides, it has been 
 raining. 
 
 Mrs. H took me to several churches this 
 
 morning. St. Stephen's is marvelously beautiful 
 and majestic from the outside, but inside it was 
 so dark we could see nothing. My thoughts flew 
 back to a week ago to-day, when I stood in the 
 lovely Cathedral in Antwerp and heard the sweet 
 tones of the organ. Oh, dearest, that music en- 
 tered my soul! My eyes filled with tears from 
 deep and sacred thoughts. 
 
 The first day after I arrived here was a triste 
 one. I felt I could not remain. I longed to take 
 the first train away, or to "flee as a bird" back 
 to my native land. Oh, those were bitter hours ! 
 But I shall try to be brave, and to work, work, 
 work ! 
 
 Tell Nonksie all my letters are for him, too. 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 35 
 
 WiEN, November i. 
 
 I have your letter of October i. We are, in- 
 deed, far apart. It would be nearer from San 
 Francisco to come around the other way, I think. 
 
 The reason my letters are sent in the care of 
 the British Consul is that, having married a 
 British subject, my passport had to be issued by 
 the British Consul in Mexico. The American 
 Ambassador, tho a friend of mine, could not even 
 give me a letter of introduction to the American 
 Minister here. He said it was not in accordance 
 with diplomatic etiquette. I must get it from the 
 English Minister. Anyway, a British subject is 
 sure to be looked after abroad, if anything occurs 
 to make protection necessary. You will recall 
 how, some years ago, a tribe in South Africa did 
 violence to some missionaries. They were badly 
 treated, and to the English government were re- 
 ported killed. The government ordered troops 
 sent to Africa at once, conquered the offending 
 tribe, and took their country. So much for being 
 subjects of a government that defends its own, or 
 avenges their murderous taking off, as the case 
 may be. 
 
 Our own government — for I am a true Amer- 
 ican — has been thought remiss in such emer- 
 
36 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 gencies. Still, we must not forget that, at the 
 time to which I have referred, a score of years 
 ago, we had yet an army to create and a navy to 
 build. These marvels have been since accom- 
 plished, and no doubt to-day Uncle Sam would 
 put his weather eye on his own if necessity for 
 prompt action should arrive. 
 
 I am about to move into the front of the house. 
 The landlady said that if I would take the rooms 
 she would freshly paper the walls. For the tiny 
 bedroom I chose a pale blue, and for the little 
 sitting-room a rose color. The colors do not 
 look very well, but they are as good as one can 
 expect here. She is now scrubbing the floors, 
 and is going to move the furniture of this room 
 in there. 
 
 I am anxious to get to work, and shall get a 
 piano the first of the week. I think I shall be 
 
 more successful than Miss W . She takes 
 
 of one of Leschetiszki's preparatory teachers, and 
 so attends his classes, and hears his pupils and his 
 remarks upon their playing. 
 
 I intend to work like a Trojan. Perhaps, not 
 to fail, either, as did the Trojans ; at any rate, I 
 shall not be conquered by any ordinary circum- 
 stances. I am arranging to have German lessons 
 — it is awful, not speaking a word ! Mrs. H 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 37 
 
 is very good to me. We go around everywhere 
 together, and she speaks quite well. Living is 
 dearer here than I had thought. My room and 
 board will cost about $50. My piano will be 
 about J5. The piano lessons, in the neighbor- 
 hood of |2o; German, $10; harmony lessons, 
 about $10. Then laundry, car fare, concerts, 
 and clothing myself will make me count every 
 penny. From to-day I am going to keep an ac- 
 count, money runs away so. I arrived with less 
 than I had expected to. They do not allow you 
 any baggage over here on the trains. It cost ^20 
 to get my trunks from Antwerp here. 
 
 I will close now, as they have just called me to 
 dinner, and I want to give the letter to one of the 
 doctors to post. I do not want to go out in the 
 rain. Will write again in a few days, and send 
 you some photos. 
 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Nell. 
 
38 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 November 7. 
 I am now in my two new rooms. Miss W- 
 
 came and spent the day, and helped me to settle. 
 I brought a lot of things with me — photos, which 
 we tacked on the wall, some old Spanish fans, a 
 good many books on a little bookcase. On my 
 dressing-table is a drawn-work cover and all my 
 silver toilet articles. The piano is draped with a 
 rich old shawl — rose and black satin. There is a 
 big couch, with some pillows. Over the door we 
 hung a Mexican serape ; it makes a good por- 
 tiere. Then there is a tea-table, with all my cups 
 and saucers, tea-cosy, etc., and a cracker-jar. On 
 a polished table is a tall lamp and all my choice 
 bric-a-brac. It is a standing joke here : all the 
 things I brought in my trunks ; but I think I was 
 very wise ; my room certainly looks cosy and quite 
 "Americanish." 
 
 I am starting my practise to-day, and find my 
 hands in much better condition than I could ex- 
 pect. 
 
 I shall so miss dear Mrs. H . The 
 
 H es leave Wien in two weeks. He (Dr. 
 
 H ) has been taking "courses" here at the 
 
 hospital. There is nowhere else in the world 
 where doctors have such opportunities of seeing 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 39 
 
 for themselves. It is a charity hospital, and they 
 average 7,000 patients all the time. They are 
 treated like animals — all in the interest of Science. 
 The students are allowed to handle, and even to 
 operate, on any one. That is why hundreds of 
 American doctors are here. 
 
 The other day my landlady sent in a bill about 
 a yard long — room so much, twenty little sticks 
 of wood for lighting my fire, thirty lumps of sugar, 
 and fifty-three "Semels" — these are little rolls 
 she serves with my coffee. I eat them every 
 morning, and have nothing else but one cup of 
 coflfee. They call me "Sunshine Semel." They 
 say I am always good-natured — I suppose I am. 
 I have been through too much ever to be annoyed 
 by little things. Then, too, 
 
 " For me Fate gave, whate'er she else denied 
 A nature sloping to the southern side." 
 
40 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 November 15. 
 
 I have a cold. Every one predicted it when I 
 first came here. They say it is always so with a 
 new arrival. It is the first I have had in a long 
 time. The climate here is awful ! Rain, rain 
 every day, and mud ! — I never saw anything like 
 it — like brown buckwheat batter, about an inch 
 deep all over the walks ; one has always to wear 
 rubbers. Since being here — four weeks — I have 
 seen sunshine twice, and then only for a few hours. 
 
 I must bear in mind Miss W 's advice to her 
 
 friend, Mrs. H : " Cheer up, Maria, the worst 
 
 is still to come." I like Miss W , but she 
 
 has worked so hard that she is in an extremely 
 nervous state. Oh, how I shall miss Mrs. 
 H ! I am to begin German lessons to-mor- 
 row and take them twice a week. It seems a hope- 
 less task, but I must learn to speak a little anyway. 
 I begin piano lessons next week, and also lessons 
 in harmony. I am also to have a young violinist 
 come to play with me twice a week, as I need prac- 
 tise in sight-reading. 
 
 Mrs. H and I go often to the opera. I 
 
 like the hours here. Performances begin at seven 
 and are over by ten. The waits between acts are 
 short, excepting the middle one, which is long 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 41 
 
 enough to allow every one to get up and walk 
 around the spacious corridors, and a beautiful 
 salon, where the ladies show ofF their fine gowns 
 and the officers ogle every one. I see many beau- 
 tiful women, but the boasted Austrian officer is 
 not so much ! 
 
 Dearest, it is a pity you have not a feather bed, 
 so you could learn what true joy is. Just put a 
 sheet over your mattress, sew the bed up in an- 
 other sheet, and lay it on, and get under it. No 
 blankets, no daintily tufted "comforts," no 
 anything to tuck in ; the feather bed is so narrow 
 that you must lie plumb in the middle, and never 
 turn on your side, nor bend your knees, or you 
 stick out somewhere in the cold night air. The 
 thing has a habit of crawling up and leaving one's 
 feet to freeze ; it also likes to lie on the floor. 
 I was sure I could never sleep so, but what is one 
 to do? One has to have a cover of some kind, 
 and there is nothing else. 
 
 I had my picture taken a few days ago. Will 
 send you one as soon as I get them. They are 
 not bad — nor particularly good, either. 
 
 This is rather a Bohemian household ; there is a 
 kind of common purse. Some one's check fails to 
 appear at the proper time, and it then becomes the 
 
42 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 duty of the person who has money to do the lend- 
 ing. He, in turn, of course becomes short, and 
 borrows of some one else, who also runs short; and 
 so it goes in a circle, until the first man appears 
 some day with a radiant face and pays his debts. 
 Sometimes the checks all appear at about the same 
 time, and then every one is rich, and great is the 
 rejoicing. When every one is broke, the motherly 
 landlady lends right and left and then they all ad- 
 vise her to be careful, or some one will have skipped 
 under cover of darkness some awful night, and 
 she will be left to bewail her trust in foreign hu- 
 manity. 
 
 Just a hundred kisses for my two dears ! 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 43 
 
 WiEN, November 21. 
 I came here to study with Leschetiszki, the 
 world's greatest piano teacher — Paderewski's 
 teacher, and the teacher of the foremost pianists 
 of to-day. You know I studied his method in 
 New York. I am to go to one of his preparatory 
 teachers, and hope to get with him in at least six 
 months. One has really to be an artist before he 
 will receive him, and then he is terrible^ tho all 
 agree as to his greatness. Every two weeks, be- 
 ginning in December, he has certain pupils give 
 recitals. He criticizes each one after each piece. 
 The pupils of the preparatory teachers are allowed 
 at the recitals, and benefit by hearing the music, 
 and especially by Leschetiszki's remarks — ^which 
 are in German. It is an awful ordeal, playing at 
 these evenings. They say the pupils walk the 
 floor all the night before. He is apt to be like a 
 wild lion. It all seems longer work than I had 
 supposed. His pupils never play at the classes 
 until they have been with him two or three years, 
 but then they are ready for any concert stage. 
 All the celebrities come to these recitals, tho only 
 they, and pupils, have the entrie. There are 
 more than one hundred students here with his 
 preparatory teacher. I thank God / am here ! 
 
44 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 It is what I have longed for, and, no matter what 
 my life is to be, the piano will always be my con- 
 soling friend. 
 
 It is now late. 
 
 Accept, dearest, love and all good wishes from 
 
 Nell. 
 
 Oh, I meant to speak of what you say of 
 "love, born of magnetism." 
 
 There are different kinds of magnetism. The 
 most potent is not from animal spirits, but from a 
 calm, strong soul. I hope mine — if I have any 
 — is the latter. Certainly all successful people 
 have been magnetic. N. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 45 
 
 Vienna, December i. 
 
 Well, my dear, I have good news for you! 
 I played yesterday for the great and terrible 
 
 Leschetiszki. Miss S , a dear Scotch lassie, 
 
 took me out to call on Madame Leschetiszki, 
 to arrange an audience with him for some other 
 day. I was as cool as the proverbial cucumber, 
 for I had no idea of playing for him then. Other- 
 wise I should have worked myself up into several 
 thousand different kinds of fits, and have been un- 
 able to play at all. 
 
 " The professor is disengaged," madame said. 
 " Would you like to play for him at once ? " 
 
 The thought took my breath away, and I stood 
 fully ten seconds before answering — stood like a 
 detached infinitesimal fragment of a glacier. Then 
 I stood up very straight, put on a brave front, 
 and, in as controlled a voice as if playing for 
 Leschetiszki were an every-day occurrence, an- 
 swered : 
 
 " If the master will be kind enough to hear me 
 — yes. 
 
 I was presented to an old man with a full white 
 beard and mild brown eyes (that can change at 
 times and flame with rage). I sat down at an aw- 
 ful piano, and played a Chopin Nocturne, Op. 9, 
 
46 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 No. I. I played one wrong note in the begin- 
 ning, and then compelled myself into thoughts of 
 the sentiment in the music to be brought out. 
 Altogether it went not badly, and, at the end, the 
 professor positively said " Gut," which, Scottie 
 says, is great praise — coming from Leschetiszki. 
 He then made me read some music at sight, which 
 I could do, as it was very simple. He then tested 
 my ear by striking notes at another piano, then 
 made me play scales up and down while he felt 
 my arms. He said I contracted the muscles too 
 much. Madame Leschetiszki acted as interpreter. 
 He asked how long I would stay if he took m?. 
 I said : " Two years." 
 
 " Shall you then wish to teach or give con- 
 certs ? " 
 
 I said : " The latter." 
 
 He looked me straight in the eyes — well, it 
 seemed to me fully an hour — and then said I 
 must begin preparatory lessons at once, take them 
 twice a week, and he would receive me as soon as I 
 could understand and speak enough German for 
 the lessons. 
 
 I feel as if I had conquered the world ! 
 
 I am going to try the Berlitz School of Lan- 
 guages here, and take a lesson every day. I shall 
 also get some one to give me an hour's conversa- 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 47 
 
 tional lesson once a day. It will be expensive, 
 but I think I can make ends meet. My whole 
 future hangs on learning German. No student 
 should come here without some knowledge, at 
 least, of that language. It is much the cheaper 
 and better way all round to have a fair conversa- 
 tional command of German before leaving home. 
 
 Two piano lessons a week will be more than 1 
 expected. I think I will not bother about har- 
 mony, tho I really should. I shall have to begin 
 again at the beginning — every one does. But 
 having learned so much in New York, under Miss 
 Miller, it will go quickly. 
 
 Frau Bree, Leschetiszki's best preparatory 
 teacher here, will now, no doubt, receive me. 
 •^ ^ 9^ -^ ^ 
 
 Dr. S took me to hear Mozart's " Magic 
 
 Flute." It is a beautiful opera. The concert by 
 D'Albert last night was magnificent. Oh, I never 
 heard such piano-playing ! He certainly deserves 
 his reputation of being the foremost pianist in the 
 world. They say he is a natural son of Ruben- 
 stein. These pianists are great people ! A few 
 years ago D'Albert married Teresa Careno, a 
 celebrated pianist also. She told a pupil of hers 
 that she was " heavenly happy " with D'Albert, 
 and thought at last (it was her third marriage) 
 
48 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 that she had found a truly congenial companion 
 with whom to spend the rest of her days. But one 
 morning, after a year and a half of bliss, he said, 
 leaning over the breakfast-table : " Teresa, I am 
 awfully tired of you." So they got a divorce, and 
 thus ended that chapter. D' Albert is nowmarried 
 to some one else. 
 
 Last night I went with Mr. K , who has 
 
 been in Vienna for a week, and Dr. S to a 
 
 concert given by Kubelik, a Hungarian boy vio- 
 linist. He is to be another Paganini, they say. 
 I heard him in his first concert here, a couple of 
 weeks ago, but he played much better last night. 
 He no doubt was nervous the first time, and he 
 could well be. The Vienese audience is the most 
 critical in the world, and its verdict makes or mars 
 an artist's reputation. 
 
 At the end of the evening the people went wild. 
 I have read of such enthusiasm, but I never saw 
 it before. They shrieked and roared, and crowded 
 on the stage and in front of the house, and simply 
 would not go. It was a great ovation, and more 
 wonderful when one remembers that Kubelik is a 
 Hungarian and that the Austrians hate the Hun- 
 garians. 
 
 How I am enjoying this music ! It is an edu- 
 cation in itself. I have done very little practis- 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 49 
 
 ing, but my playing certainly is improving. It is 
 the atmosphere, I suppose. 
 
 To-night we go to hear " The Prophet," by 
 Meyerbeer. 
 
 We are having a big snow-storm, but we are 
 
 going to the opera all the same. Mr. K is a 
 
 most delightful man to be with. He has visited 
 every corner of the world, and is full of interesting 
 talk of people and places. But, more than all, he 
 is a gentleman. 
 
 Nell. 
 
50 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Vienna, December 8. 
 
 Dearest : — 
 
 You will be happiest of all in knowing that my 
 health is better than it has been for years. Of 
 course, without health I could not hope to succeed. 
 
 I thank you for your kind letter and for your 
 thoughtful advice. All the points you touch upon 
 have received my serious attention from the first, 
 and now that you also think of them proves that 
 we can look at things in much the same light. 
 
 I am thinking of you so much ! And, dearest, 
 I find that you were oftener right than I in con- 
 versations on things and people. I have come 
 round to your way of thinking in more ways than 
 one, and I should have been sorry if you and I 
 had not looked in the same light upon matters re- 
 ferred to, because, in the end, I must do what 
 seems to me right and wise. People who live a 
 normal, ordinary life can not judge one justly 
 whose life is full of strange happenings ; and, as a 
 rule, the one to judge the most severely would, if 
 placed in the same circumstances, go all to pieces, 
 and either make a fool of himself or worse. It is 
 my intention to settle down to hard work for two 
 years, and at the end of that time to do what seems 
 best. 
 
YOUR LOVmC NELL 51 
 
 I wish I could send you some papers or some- 
 thing, but I myself feel as if I were on a desert 
 island. I have not seen a newspaper since arriv- 
 ing. Am going to subscribe for the Paris Herald^ 
 so as to know something of what goes on in the 
 world. The Overland Magazine has not yet come. 
 I shall love it because it is from you. 
 
 Miss W and I are gomg to the opera this 
 
 evening, if she is able to secure seats. All seats 
 are reserved until noon of the day of the perform- 
 ance for the regular subscribers. 
 
 Miss W is an American. I met her first 
 
 in Chicago. 
 
 No, it is not usually dark here at midday. It 
 was foggy when I wrote. It gets dark at 4.30 
 P.M. So far it is not very cold, and not much 
 snow. But rain ? Well, some ! 
 
 Yes, every one tries to cheat me ! Miss S , 
 
 the dear little Scotch lassie, fought a battle with 
 my landlady for me. Scottie speaks perfect Ger- 
 man. The old woman overcharged me for coal, 
 petroleum, coffee, butter, bread, etc. Now she is 
 reformed. You see, I am answering some of your 
 questions. 
 
 Oh ! It cost me from New York to Antwerp 
 $75, and from Antwerp to Vienna about $40, ex- 
 
52 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 elusive of freight for trunks. It is ten hours by 
 train from Nuremberg to Vienna. 
 
 •}■ •!■ Sji tp St* 
 
 I now take my dinners at a pension not far 
 
 away from where Miss S dines. There are 
 
 about twenty at table — doctors and students. Only 
 German is spoken. They are all pleasant. I climb 
 three flights of stairs, but my breakfast is served 
 in my room, and I make a cup of tea for supper 
 on an alcohol lamp. 
 
 On Friday Miss S took me to Frau Bree, 
 
 a preparatory teacher here, and the one to whom 
 Leschetiszki had recommended me. After hear- 
 ing me play, she accepted me as a pupil. It is a 
 compliment, as she only takes a few especially tal- 
 ented. I have my first lesson next Friday at 
 " cinq heures et demie." She speaks only French 
 and German. I shall be so glad to get to work ! 
 
 Mr. K is gone. He is a great soul. We 
 
 are good friends. He is gone back to Bohemia 
 to get ten thousand more hop cuttings. He goes 
 next to Egypt. He took me about a good deal 
 to art galleries, operas, concerts, etc. 
 Fondly, your 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 53 
 
 January 21. 
 
 How good it is to be seriously at work again ! 
 I never lose sight of my one great ambition — to 
 be a good, better, BEST pianist. Among the 
 best, I mean. 
 
 I am getting on well with my German, but to 
 me the language sounds less musical when spoken, 
 even by those "to the manner born," than does 
 the Spanish or the French. I like Spanish, and 
 speak it very well ; but to be one of the best of 
 French scholars is also one of my ambitions. I 
 wonder if you recall compelling me to go without 
 certain articles of food at oviX petit dejeuners a deux 
 if I failed to ask for them in French ? It was 
 fine discipline, as was much else along different 
 lines that I thought severe in those days. But 
 long ago I learned to appreciate and to thank you 
 for it all. And I know now, beyond the shadow 
 of a doubt, that Dearest always knew best. When 
 one is very young one is also very wise, in one's 
 own esteem, and disillusionizing processes are 
 sometimes severe. But from such, I think, come 
 truest, or, rather, worthiest ambitions. What I now 
 wish most of all — the piano part of my ambition 
 — is likely to be accomplished, since it is a passion 
 with me and I have golden opportunities. There 
 
54 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 is nothing I would not give up for it. With all 
 my enthusiasm I try also to be, what is necessary 
 at present, very dry and practical. Hour after 
 hour, day after day, I do nothing but technique. 
 I am forbidden to play any of my old things, but 
 once in a while I disobey and do try them, just to 
 see how all the technical work effects them. The 
 improvement is already very noticeable — no false 
 notes. My touch is more delicate and my cres- 
 cendos much broader. That is, you know, one 
 great difference between an amateur and an artist 
 — in the light and shade, I mean. It is like this : 
 
 AMATEUR 
 
 Pianissimo Fortissimo 
 
 ARTIST 
 
 Pianissimo Fortissimo 
 
 A poor pianist can play neither loud nor soft. 
 It is all done with the wrist. In pianissimo the 
 wrist is slightly elevated, so that the hand touches 
 like a feather on the keys, while for loud playing 
 the wrist is depressed. 
 
 I have learned much in the last month about 
 how to practise. All my life when I have been 
 at the piano my mind has often wandered in a sort 
 of reverie. No teacher ever told me that I must 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 55 
 
 not do it. Frau Bree, my teacher here, says two- 
 thirds of the technique is in the head, that only 
 one-third is physical. I did not believe her at 
 first, for, I argued, it was the same brain control- 
 ling both right and left hand, and the right was 
 much the better. But I set my brain to work on 
 the left hand, and really it is wonderful how it has 
 improved. They expect the two hands to be equal 
 over here. All the different Czerny studies, only 
 written for the right hand, they require with the 
 left hand also, an octave lower. A left-hand trill 
 must be as perfect as a right-hand trill. My left 
 hand is not far behind now. I try so hard to con- 
 centrate my thought. I am making it a practise 
 to leave the piano for a couple of minutes the in- 
 stant my mind wanders. Frau Bree says that is 
 the only way to overcome it. She says that, as a 
 rule, it takes her pupils a year to learn how to 
 practise. She also says that most people — even 
 those of her pupils who think they do good work 
 — spend four hours a day at the piano, having 
 wasted three. I realize so deeply the importance 
 of what she says that I think I shall soon over- 
 come the difficulty. 
 
 The days seem to fly away. They only seem 
 about five minutes long. I, of course, study my 
 German every day. I must, since it is the ladder 
 
56 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 up which I climb to Leschetiszki ! What an awful 
 language it is ! Every object having a gender (as 
 the Spanish and French), and every gender hav- 
 ing four cases and four different sets of articles. 
 Ugh ! it's like taking a bad medicine that one 
 may gain health. There is a set of four for the 
 masculine, four for the feminine, and four for the 
 plural. But I am forgetting that you know all 
 this. It all seems queer and inconsistent to me 
 (as no doubt it does to all beginners), but some- 
 way I rather enjoy pegging away at it. This is a 
 letter very full of "I," but you like to know all. 
 By the way, how egotistical we Anglo-Saxons are, 
 always writing " I " and " God " with capital let- 
 ters. All other nations are more modest. In 
 Spanish, "yo"; in French, "je"; in German, 
 "ich"; and they write " you" with a capital letter, 
 " Ihr," which is quite polite. 
 
 Always, with a world of love, 
 
 Nell. 
 ***** 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 57 
 
 Vienna, February i. 
 
 I am surely getting on very well. Am just in 
 from my lesson. My teacher encouraged me by 
 saying I have made great progress for so brief a 
 time of study, and I can see it myself. I feel sure 
 of becoming an artist. Everything is in my favor, 
 excepting my age. When I look about here and 
 see a dozen wonderful pianists anywhere from 
 twelve to twenty, it is a little discouraging. There 
 is a Russian girl here only twelve years old, and 
 already she is an artist. Just think, if I could 
 have had these opportunities twenty years ago ! 
 But I have fine hands and arms (I can say this to 
 Dearest), a brain that sometimes I can feel stirring 
 around inside of my head, plenty of musical feel- 
 ing, and a devotion to hard work. So if I do my 
 best now, it is all I can do. I am unable to an- 
 nihilate the years between me and early youth. 
 
 Frau Bree gives me plenty of work to do, and 
 that is what I most desire. This last week I had 
 a Czerny study and a waltz, by Schutt, to learn. 
 By learn I mean every note transferred, as it were, 
 from the printed page to my brain. They require 
 you to practise, and play at the lessons everything 
 without the music. That I can easily do, thanks 
 to dear old Professor Hartmann, who, tho always 
 
58 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 kind to me, was invariably strict — so much so that 
 I, for one, received his suggestions as commands, 
 and at my lessons played, almost always, without 
 my music. And always since, in all my practis- 
 ing, I have memorized everything I played. That 
 habit is a great saving of time over here. 
 
 As I said, Frau Bree gives me a lot of work to 
 do, which suits me well, since I am here to work. 
 
 First you are supposed to sit down quietly and 
 read the music mentally, then go to the piano 
 and play it. They test you to see if you have 
 really learned it that way, or if it is only " finger- 
 memory," by stopping you in the middle of a 
 phrase and requiring you to name all the notes in 
 the coming bars. As you can see, the brain has 
 to be used. I am improving in concentration. 
 I know my lesson to-day. For this next week I 
 have another Czerny study and a beautiful Etude 
 by Schutt — besides, of course, the regular tech- 
 nique work. 
 
 I received such a dear letter to-day from my 
 
 friend, Mrs. W , of Mexico. I enclose it. 
 
 She is a charming woman, comes of a wealthy 
 and aristocratic English family, and her daughter, 
 of whom she speaks, was a great society woman — 
 
 presented to the Queen, etc. Dr. W is a 
 
 thorough gentleman, but he is now old for his 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 59 
 
 medical profession and his fortune is not large. 
 He was always wrapped up in art, and when he 
 had patients he would never send in a bill. In 
 England and Europe they are very shy about 
 that sort of thing. For instance, I have to put 
 my money for my lesson in an envelope and hide 
 it somewhere under some music on the piano. 
 
6o YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 February ^. 
 Dearest: — 
 
 I am more than ever convinced that Lesche- 
 tiszki's method is the shortest and surest way to 
 the art of piano-playing. I have written out some 
 exercises for you — the ones they give in the first 
 lesson.* It is well-nigh impossible to explain by 
 letter how to do them. But if you work faith- 
 fully, each day a little, on holding down four 
 notes and striking one finger repeatedly, some- 
 times slow and then fast, you will begin to gain. 
 The great tendency is to stiffen the wrists, and 
 this is the most important thing in all piano-play- 
 ing not to do. While working on these exercises, 
 at intervals raise and depress your wrist, just to 
 see if it is loose. Get some one to sit by you and 
 touch your wrist when you are not expecting it, 
 to see if it goes down. It should be perfectly 
 flexible, and go down under the slightest touch. 
 The fingers must be well curved and as firm as 
 steel, while the arms and wrists must be like india- 
 rubber. I can not express this too forcibly ! As 
 soon as the muscles in the arms or wrists tighten 
 up, it acts just like a brake on a wheel. It is 
 true there are times when the wrist must be firm, 
 
 *See Appendix. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 6i 
 
 but only for an instant, to make certain effects on 
 " nuances." After you can raise each finger high 
 and with freedom (holding the others down), and 
 strike with a round, full tone any two notes de- 
 sired, there are many exercises for the perfection 
 of the scale, the great difficulty in which is get- 
 ting, or having, the thumb under the hand. 
 
 Here is another exercise to be practised every 
 morning of your life ! Hold down 2d, 3d, 4th 
 fingers as before, only instead of putting the thumb 
 down where it naturally goes, put it under the 
 hand, holding down the note next above the 4th 
 finger. Especially limbering is a trill between 
 the 4th and thumb. Do not practise it too much 
 at first ; it will lame your hand. Work as much 
 with the left hand as with the right. To be a good 
 pianist one's hands must be equal. 1 am not a 
 good pianist yet, but my hands are about equal 
 now. After this take three notes, not holding 
 down any. Take 
 
 BCD 
 
 3 I 2 
 
 Play the notes back and forth, at first very slowly, 
 keeping all the fingers near the keys. The hand 
 must move back and forth, or, rather, the arm, 
 tho the motion is very slight. This, as you see, 
 is a part of the scale. Afterward take it 4 i 2. 
 
62 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 In order to test yourself occasionally, take it 
 B C D vci the natural order of the fingers. It 
 must be just as smooth with the 4th finger over 
 as with I 23. Later, gradually increase the speed. 
 After a while you will find it going like lightning 
 and with perfect ease, and your scale will be just 
 that much improved. After that play the first 
 notes : 
 
 c 
 
 z> 
 
 E 
 
 F 
 
 C 
 
 I 
 
 2 
 
 3 
 
 4 
 
 I, or 
 
 I 
 
 2 
 
 3 
 
 I 
 
 2 
 
 Occasionally play with the regular fingering. It 
 will come, little by little. These are the exercises 
 which have done me so much good. There are 
 more in the scales and arpeggios which, if you find 
 these of any help, I will explain to you. But 
 these are plenty for the present. 
 
 Be careful, or you will lame yourself — only a few 
 minutes at a time. There is much I can tell you 
 about things in general — the pedal, how to play 
 a melody, etc. In everything you play, hunt 
 for the melody. In chords, as a rule, it is in the 
 top note. The little finger must be trained to 
 take it, and make it sing above all the other notes. 
 
 Many things are impossible to explain in writ- 
 ing, but perhaps you may gain some ideas from 
 these hints. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 63 
 
 It all means hard work ; the uprooting of vain, 
 anxious thought ; calmness ; concentration ; living 
 in the spirit ; loving the silence, which is 
 
 " More musical than any song," 
 
 and the recognition, in all that is, of the 
 
 " Divinity that shapes our ends. 
 Rough-hew them how we will." 
 
 Oh, dearest, it means so much — so much ! 
 
 Pour le present, au revoir I 
 
 Nell. 
 
64 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Yi-E.-iitiiA, February 12. 
 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 Tho my last lesson was not altogether as good 
 as I had expected it to be, I certainly am making 
 progress. I had worked hard on a difficult new 
 study ; had it all memorized, and played it almost 
 up to time — in fact, was quite proud of myself. 
 But Frau Bree wished many little things different, 
 and said I must work slower. It only goes to 
 show my real need of a good teacher. I do not 
 mean there were any wrong notes or anything 
 careless about it, but she showed me different ways 
 of using my hands to bring out different effects. 
 I am very happy to have, at last, some one to teach 
 me the right way. 
 
 Oh, dearest, music is so much to me ! All my 
 life it has been that, of course, and I am not able 
 to express in words just the feeling of my heart, 
 even to you. But day by day and more and 
 more I seem to be borne, on the wonderful wings 
 of melody, farther and farther away from the old 
 unrest and into an atmosphere perfect and divine. 
 My soul — myself- — seems to have arisen, like a 
 flower from among ruins, into a dawn behind 
 which the sun is. I am a new being, in a new 
 world — music, a fountain — nay, an unfailing well 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 65 
 
 from which I draw the waters of healing and de- 
 light. Oh, it is all so new, so sweet, so dear! 
 
 I begin to understand, as never before, some 
 things you tried to teach me. For instance, do 
 you remember how, one morning, when I was 
 practising my vocal lesson, you flew down the 
 stairs and up beside me, crying, "Nelly, Nelly, 
 wait a minute ! " I was frightened, for you had 
 come like a spirit, and your face was white, and 
 your eyes were wide, wild things that hurt me — 
 hurt me. I think I shivered a little, for you put 
 your arms around me and said, very softly : 
 
 "Do you see the picture in the song, my dear? 
 Do you feel its pathos and its power ?" 
 
 It was that old, old song : 
 
 " Break, break, break. 
 On thy cold gray stones, O Sea ! ' ' 
 
 And I answered that I had not given a thought 
 to the words, but only to the melody. And that 
 if there were indeed a picture in the song, I cer- 
 tainly had not found it. I was sorry, but it was 
 true. 
 
 " Listen," you said. " You must see, and you 
 must/f(?/ the work you do, or you are going to 
 fail in your chosen career and be commonplace. 
 
66 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 like most. Listen^with soul, not sense — while 
 I read to you the song ; while I show you, if I 
 can, the picture that it brings to me, and the sor- 
 row of the singer." 
 
 What followed I can not write. I remember 
 that, looking at your lips that held no color, and 
 your eyes, from which great tragedies came beating 
 their hitherto blind meanings into my quickening 
 mind, I saw nothing but a great waste of water, 
 rushing in anger to hurl itself against unyielding 
 rocks ; its white spray, dashed aloft, flinging itself 
 impotently heavenward — heard nothing but a cry 
 that must have pierced the very heart of Paradise : 
 
 " Oh, for the touch of a vanished hand. 
 And the sound of a voice that is still. ' ' 
 
 And in that never-to-be-forgotten hour, dearest, 
 dearest, I found my soul — or my soul found me ! 
 Something, some One (?) seemed revealing to my 
 new-born self a little of the meaning of the mes- 
 sage, the purpose in the pain. And, oh, and 
 
 " Oh, and deeper through the calm 
 Rolled the ceaseless ocean psalm ; 
 Oh, and brighter in the sunshine 
 All the meadovirs stretched awray ; 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 67 
 
 " And a little lark sang clear 
 From the willow branches near. 
 And the glory and the gladness 
 Closed about me where I lay. 
 
 " And I said : ' Ay, verily 
 Waiteth yet the Master Key, 
 All these mysteries that shall open, 
 Tho to surer hand than mine ; 
 
 " All these doubts of our discerning. 
 To the peace of knowledge turning, 
 AU our darkness, that is human. 
 To the light, which is divine.' " 
 
 " With my heaft on my lips " I kissed you — 
 and — I kiss. 
 
 Your 
 
 Nell. 
 
68 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Vienna, February 20. 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 I have your two dear letters of the 29th and 
 1st. Thanks, so many, for them, and also for 
 the papers. I enjoy them and they rest me. 
 
 I am indined to be indignant over " I wonder 
 if you find time for practise?" Well, I should 
 think I do ! That is what I am here for. And 
 I appreciate the fact that my opportunities are 
 passing, never to return. True, I left off work 
 during the holidays ; but, aside from that, I have 
 never missed a day of at least four or five hours' 
 practise. That is something I allow nothing to 
 interfere with. I keep my mind on my work, 
 too. And every night I seriously ask myself, 
 " Have I accomplished as much as was possible to- 
 day ? " And if I feel I might have done a little 
 better it distresses me, and I try harder the next 
 day. 
 
 My work shows, too. From week to week I 
 can see improvement. I enclose an interesting 
 letter from a lady whom I met going down from 
 New York to Mexico last June. She has the 
 most wonderful memory of any one I ever knew, 
 except dear Nonksie. We all used to sit out on 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 69 
 
 the deck while she would repeat, hours at a time, 
 poetry and stories from every well-known writer. 
 And by a strange coincidence, when I returned in 
 September, who should get on the steamer at Vera 
 
 Cruz but Mrs. F , all in white duck, just as 
 
 she had been when she got off there four months 
 before. She was greatly surprised to see me. 
 Her fad is beautiful books, and she and some of 
 her friends away off there in the wilderness spend 
 their evenings in printing, by hand, on parchment, 
 some of their pet volumes. You may have read 
 of the Roycrofters in New York. They make 
 beautiful books printed on the heaviest linen 
 paper, and they bind them in chamois, or heavy 
 satin, or tortoise shell. Each capital is illumi- 
 nated by hand. They are works of art. Mrs. 
 
 F was talking to me about these books, and 
 
 when I sailed from New York for Antwerp she 
 came down to see me off, and left with me a 
 package, saying : " It is something for you to read 
 going over." Later I found it was one of those 
 beautiful books, and you can imagine my delight. 
 It is Charles Lamb's Essays, bound in a lovely 
 shade of green chamois. Was she not kind to 
 me ? Everybody is. 
 
70 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 A letter just now from Mr. M . The 
 
 poor old Vigilancia is on the reefs just off the 
 Cuban coast. The captain was stricken with 
 paralysis, and the first officer took charge, land- 
 ing her in short order on the rocks, where she 
 
 will be forever. It was at 2 a.m. Mr. M 
 
 writes : " She took the rocks like a horse leaping 
 a hurdle. The women were much braver than 
 the men." (Quite entre nous, dearest, we think 
 that, in emergencies, they usually are.) Oh, it 
 must have been awful ! Then a terrible storm 
 arose, and they all thought the end had come. 
 
 Poor Mr. M ! I hope he is off before 
 
 now. 
 
 Yes, dearest, you are right ; and I, too, say that 
 real love — the love that lives — is friendship, re- 
 spect, and everything that is exalted and exalting. 
 Speaking of men, I never see any here except at 
 the boarding-house, and they are all doctors. I 
 can not endure doctors, they are so horribly 
 material in all their views. Who knows but I 
 shall forget how to conduct myself in the presence 
 of God's greatest masterpiece ? 
 
 Who was it said, " Man is the work of an un- 
 trained Hand ; woman the last production of the 
 
 Master " ? 
 
 ***** 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 71 
 
 22d. — It is just eight o'clock, and I am but a 
 short time back from my lesson. Frau Bree is 
 an angel. I never dreamed of what piano teach- 
 ing could be until now. I adore her — in fact, we 
 all do. I suppose I shall be going to the " terri- 
 ble Lesche " pretty soon. 
 
 I had an interesting lesson to-day. Have been 
 studying a little waltz by Schutt, a Wien com- 
 poser. Frau Bree told me to play it more coquet- 
 tishly. I replied it was not my nature. So, you 
 see, that is a faculty I must cultivate. 
 
 Dearest, I am so homesick for you to-night ! 
 All the way home from my lesson I longed for 
 you. I rushed into my room and made a bright 
 fire, lit the two lamps (I always light two if I am 
 blue, and one otherwise), and set my little tea- 
 kettle to singing cheerily, and, notwithstanding all 
 that, I still feel like a big baby wanting to be 
 comforted. 
 
 No, I have not seen anything of the carnival 
 here, and have not been to any ball. But I did 
 
 go to a wedding. Miss H was married in 
 
 the Polish church, away at the other side of the 
 town. I was invited for two o'clock; but the 
 horses in the carriage I took happened to be very 
 
72 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 fast, so I arrived about twenty minutes before the 
 time. I dismissed the coach, thinking to go in- 
 side the church ; but it was all shut up, and I 
 waited in the snow until, just at two, the wedding 
 party drove up. We all entered by a little door 
 at the rear of the church. There were Mr. and 
 
 Mrs. H , two friends of the groom. Count 
 
 Baoroszki, the King's chamberlain, and his 
 brother, the American Ambassador and his wife, 
 and myself. The church was not heated. The 
 bride was all in white satin, and the mother was 
 beautifully gowned, ditto the Ambassador's wife. 
 So we all laid aside our wraps — out of the loving 
 kindness of our hearts — in order to give each other 
 and the shivering men a treat in gazing upon our 
 finery. Never shall I forget the glacial, arctic 
 atmosphere of that church ! The seemingly end- 
 less ceremony was at last ended, and another man 
 and another woman had clasped hands to go forth 
 in the world together and face — what ? God only 
 knows. I came home and wept, and could do no 
 more work. I think weddings are the most 
 pathetic scenes one can witness. One can feel 
 peaceful at a funeral, knowing the poor wretch is 
 out of it all. But a wedding ! Perhaps you will 
 think it a pity I have not three lamps burning in 
 my room ! My dear, I want you to take me in 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 73 
 
 your arms, I am so lonely. Perhaps I am tired. 
 I will go to bed, and in the morning work, work, 
 •work ! I have a German lesson at twelve, and 
 have not studied it yet. 
 
 Good-night. Pleasant dreams. 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Nelly. 
 
74 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 March i. 
 
 This is Friday, my lesson day, and I have just 
 finished one hour's practise. I will write you a 
 few words, and then do another hour and a half 
 before dinner. I feel that I have not accom- 
 plished as much this last week as I should, tho I 
 have tried hard to do my best. Somehow my 
 poor old brains seemed to be in a kind of a fog. 
 I have, however, memorized a Czerny study and 
 a Scherzo, by Mendelssohn, and made some im- 
 provement in a technical way, but I expect and 
 require of myself over here about ten times as 
 much as I used as a girl. 
 
 Yes, I mean my mind wanders as in a dream 
 when I practise, but more especially when I play 
 things. I go oiF into a kind of a state. Music 
 effects me as, I suppose, an opium pipe does the 
 smoker. I always seem to play better the more 
 I lose myself. But, over here, music means 
 something very different. It is an actual science 
 instead of a poetical revery. They say this : that 
 if one is in an inspired mood, one would play a 
 given phrase in such and such a way that would 
 touch the heart of any listener. They have dis- 
 covered the laws governing the true art of expres- 
 sion, and they teach you to play that same phrase 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 75 
 
 in a feeling way — not from the heart, but from 
 the head. In that way, as they say, one always 
 plays well ; one's mood makes no difference. 
 
 Oh, I am not alone in not being able to con- 
 centrate my mind. Every pupil has the same 
 trouble. Frau Bree told me that, out of one 
 hundred pupils, there were one hundred who did 
 not practise properly, and that when one had 
 learned to do so, one was already an artist. She 
 told me of the awful struggle she had in learning 
 how to keep her mind from wandering. It was 
 one summer when she was off in the quiet coun- 
 try that at last she was victorious. At first she 
 would perhaps be only able to sit five minutes at 
 the piano, playing scales, when some outside 
 thought would pop into her head. She would 
 then leave the piano, and go back after a while 
 and try again. Finally she got so she could work 
 an hour at a time. They expect you to be dead 
 to the world and all going on about you while 
 you are practising. 
 
 To test one of his pupils who was playing at 
 the class one night, Lesche came up and dropped 
 a big book on the floor behind her. It startled 
 her, and she gave a jump ; Leschetiszki was furi- 
 ous. He said if her mind had been on her play- 
 ing she would not have heard the book. 
 
76 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 I did not mean it was "egotism" which made 
 us write the name " God " with a capital letter, but 
 egotism writing " I " with a capital — placing our- 
 selves, as it were, on the same level. 
 
 Thank Uncle for his bit of a letter. I could 
 read it quite well. There is no reason why the 
 left hand should not write as well as the right — 
 "practise makes perfect." It is the same way in 
 my piano work. My left hand used to be a per- 
 fect stick, but now it is almost as good as the right. 
 
 Good-night, dear. With best love to you each, 
 Always affectionately, 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 77 
 
 WiEN, March 11. 
 
 I am hard at work. I can see good results. 
 
 "Scotland" (Miss S ) and I had a discus- 
 sion the other day about modesty. She "did like 
 to see a person modest about what he could do." 
 I said / liked to see a person have a correct esti- 
 mate of his own attainments. If one really did 
 something well he must be conscious of it. And 
 it seemed to me mere affectation and idiocy for 
 such a one to deny his ability. We were digx 
 cussing particularly Lesche's best pupil, B- ^HJU 
 JflUSfl-, whom Scottie admires because " she seems 
 so modest." What I claimed most vehemently 
 — and I think I almost convinced "Scotland" — 
 
 is, that if B J is really as modest as she 
 
 seems, she must think she does not play at all. 
 And so, when Scottie compliments her next time 
 
 upon her playing, if J is conscientious she 
 
 will reply : "You are either a hypocrite or a fool." 
 That is the way "modest" people must talk un- 
 less they are hypocrites. 
 
 I heard one of the best pupils at Miss W 's 
 
 the other day. She has very slender hands and 
 arms, and yet I never heard any man with more 
 strength. She said a doctor explained it to her 
 this way: "There is a man with long legs who 
 
78 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 wants to jump a ditch. He tries, and falls in. 
 A man with short legs tries, and he is successful. 
 The reason is not in the legs, but in the brains. 
 The short-legged man used a nervous force which 
 carried him over." 
 
 That illustrates exactly the Leschetiszki school 
 of technique — they teach every pupil to develop 
 that nervous force. That is why they go so far. 
 There is something really strange in that quality 
 of force which Leschetiszki brings out in every 
 pupil. It is not to be found in any other pianist's. 
 That is why a Leschetiszki pupil can never be 
 mistaken. I do not mean they bang. On the 
 contrary, the heaviest chords are struck with the 
 hands resting on the keys. I am getting it. My 
 playing has changed altogether in these last three 
 months, and I have the faculty of picking things 
 up quickly. My teacher has never to tell me a 
 thing twice. But I am an idiot in some ways. 
 I can not read at all well — I even read print 
 slowly. My eyes and my brain do not seem to 
 pull together, except they pull your way, and then, 
 as now, they carry my heart along. 
 With kisses, your 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 79 
 
 March 26. 
 A week ago I thought spring was here, but 
 yesterday when I awoke I saw the roof opposite 
 was white with snow. To-day it snows and blows, 
 and is disagreeable to even consider. So I am 
 going to inflict a long letter upon you, dearest, 
 and tell you a lot of things. Yes, indeed, I am 
 thankful to be here, and yet I get awfully dis- 
 couraged sometimes. But all the students over 
 here have blue days. So much is expected of 
 one. The only thing that I have learned per- 
 fectly is that I shall have to live " more lives yet" 
 before I compass "the ends I aim at." 
 
 ***** 
 
 But I must tell you something of the method 
 here. In the first place, Leschetiszki has a corps 
 of assistants, and all the students are under these 
 " preparatory teachers." They teach one Lesche's 
 own peculiar technique, and also Czerny studies 
 and pieces. When one knows a set of pieces 
 thoroughly, and could play them while asleep 
 or standing on his head, or from the end to 
 the beginning, he may go and play them before 
 the great master, who will ask : " Why don't you 
 scrub floors for a living? " Really he is awful! 
 
8o YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 — at least, so all who have been to him say. Of 
 course, he was exceedingly kind to me when I 
 played for him ; but they say he always is so be- 
 fore you become his pupil, because he does not 
 expect you to know anything until then. 
 
 My friend. Miss V (the only person I 
 
 knew coming here), has been here two years, and 
 she has not had a lesson with him, tho, as she 
 says, she has "worked like a dog"; and that 
 means something in this country, where one sees, 
 all about the streets, dogs hitched to little wagons 
 and pulling away hke little horses. And they 
 always look so willing and enthusiastic, with 
 smiles on their faces. 
 
 Even after one has been here several years, 
 and is having regular lessons with Lesche' (he 
 never gives any one a lesson oftener than once in 
 two weeks), one still always keeps on with the 
 " preparatory teachers." What wonderful teachers 
 they are ! I thought I knew a little something 
 of a piano when I came here, but I did not. 
 
 In the first place, there is his technique. He 
 has thought out exercises by which one may learn 
 to overcome every possible difficulty. But the 
 thing they preach most of all is concentration. It 
 is something I (and others say the same) never 
 thought of. All my life, while I have been prac- 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 8i 
 
 tising, my mind wandered here and there. That 
 is a terrible fault, and hard to overcome. Ten 
 minutes' work with the mind fixed on some par- 
 ticular aim is better than an hour of mere mechan- 
 ical work. This is what they require : One is 
 given a new piece. One goes over it, with the 
 teacher, marking the fingering and the pedaling. 
 When commencing work on it, one carefully looks 
 at the notes of the right hand for, usually, four 
 measures. The page is then closed, and one plays 
 it over once, with all the shading, and then one, 
 still without looking, says the notes aloud, as if 
 reading them, then plays it again. Then one 
 opens the music, going through the same per- 
 formance with the left hand, using the pedal ex- 
 actly as marked by the teacher. One learns the 
 whole piece, measure by measure, in that way, with 
 all the expression and pedaling, with but one hand 
 at a time. They wish you to do more thinking 
 than playing. One must go through things again 
 and again, note by note. My great time for 
 mind-training is in the morning before I am up. 
 Leschetiszki tests his pupils on that. He will 
 suddenly ask in the lesson for, say, the twentieth 
 measure of something — anything. One must 
 then quickly think up to the twentieth and play 
 it. If one fails, he gets furious, and says : " So 
 
82 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Americanish I " (unutterable scorn). He always 
 speaks German, and that is another difficulty. 
 
 One learns everything in this way of which I 
 speak — Czerny studies, and all. One never uses 
 the music with the lessons, even with the prepara- 
 tory teachers. When playing, the mind must al- 
 ways be on the measure ahead. One sees it, or 
 should, mentally, as on the printed page. My 
 poor old brain ! It tries hard, and I will do it 
 the justice to say it is a little better under control 
 than at first. 
 
 I have had about six Czerny studies and two 
 things by a Viennese composer, a friend of Lesche's 
 (Schutt), a Waltz and Etude Mignonne ; an 
 Impromptu, by Schubert; a Scherzo, by Men- 
 delssohn, and a Chopin Nocturne, Op. 62, No. 2. 
 
 My teacher says I am well up now in my Ger- 
 man, and may go for a lesson soon with Leschet- 
 iszki. But I am frightened ! I am afraid, if he 
 growled at me, I might not be able to tell him 
 the forty-ninth measure ! The pupils meet at his 
 house every two weeks, and his best pupils (those 
 having been here from five to ten years) play. It 
 is very enjoyable as well as instructive. Of course, 
 all musical people are interested in each other, and 
 there seems to be a finer spirit of comradeship 
 here, and less of that meanest of all feelings — 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 83 
 
 jealousy — than in our musical circles at home. 
 Every one seems trying so hard for success, and 
 each sympathizes with the other when the blue 
 days come — as come they will to all. 
 
 There are about one hundred and fifty students 
 here. The preparatory teachers charge $2.50 a 
 lesson, and Leschetiszki, |8.oo. 
 With love, 
 
 Nelly. 
 
84 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 April I . 
 
 We are just back from Schonbrun, a suburb of 
 Wien, where the King has his summer palace. 
 There are beautiful woods and walks all about, 
 and while as yet the trees are not in leaf, the first 
 little tender green plants are carpeting the ground. 
 The sun — it seems to me the first real sun this 
 winter — was warm, the birds were busy building 
 their nests, and calling to each other from branch 
 to branch. We found two little wild flowers. 
 My poor feet begin to feel quite abused with so 
 much tramping about, but the fresh air does me 
 good. 
 
 We have been several times to the opera, and 
 to a concert, and to the theater to see " Faust." 
 Of course, I could not understand all the beauti- 
 ful words which are so celebrated, but I had read 
 it in English. It was marvelously staged. The 
 cast was of celebrated actors, and the entire eve- 
 ning something to be remembered all one's life. 
 The play was very long — from 7 until 1 1.30. As 
 a rule, the performances — opera, concerts, etc. — 
 are over here before ten o'clock. That is to allow 
 you to get into your house without paying ; for if 
 one is out after ten o'clock the doors are closed. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 85 
 
 and one has to ring and pay the porter twenty 
 hellers (about five cents) for getting in. 
 
 *■!' bI* ^ ^ 
 
 •i> •!• "I" "^ 
 
 I wonder where your missing papers went? I 
 sometimes fancy things hide themselves just to lie 
 in some quiet corner and watch us rush about and 
 hunt them. 
 
 I am well. The fresh air I had in going about 
 did me good. I shall be able to work all the 
 harder. 
 
 Always your 
 
 Nell. 
 
 P. S. — I enclose some exercises.* Don't work 
 too long at one sitting. N. 
 
 *See Appendix. 
 
86 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 April 9. 
 My Own Dear: — 
 
 It was sweet of you to write me such a kind, 
 encouraging letter — so filled, too, with sensible 
 advice. I really do not know how I could get 
 along even ten days without a letter from you. 
 And I wished to answer this one the very hour it 
 came ; but some ship acquaintances were here in 
 town, and all my spare time was taken up in going 
 about with them. Now they are gone, and I am 
 going to write you a long, long letter, and tell you 
 everything. Now, listen. 
 
 I copy some good words of counsel received 
 this morning from Mr. Elmhurst: "I am sur- 
 prised to hear you have not taken a lesson from 
 Leschetiszki as yet. Perhaps he wishes to save 
 himself all trouble and teach only finished artists. 
 That you feel discouraged at times I do not doubt, 
 and, knowing your ambitious and exacting nature, 
 I fully comprehend. 'Art is long and life is 
 brief,' said the ancients, who knew a thing or two, 
 and, what is more, knew how to say it. But your 
 discouragements are only signs of your advance- 
 ment: they mean that you have come to more 
 difficult passages ; and you must know that in a 
 fortified citadel the strongest and most difficult 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 87 
 
 intrenchments are nearest the ramparts, and that 
 once' the attacking party has taken those, the gates 
 of the invested city are in full view. So, then, 
 you are getting nearer the goal, and every time 
 you get over a discouragement it means you have 
 franchised an intrenchment and are on the high 
 road to victory. 
 
 "So, 'Concentration' is the watchword of the 
 conquering legion, eh ? Yes, that is a very good 
 word. But I will give you another which will act 
 as a magic 'open sesame' when you get past the 
 technical barrier, and will throw open to you the 
 gates of the fortress. That word is ' Soul ! ' ' Soul ! ' 
 'Soul!' 
 
 " Believe me, all the years of hard work, all the 
 mastery of technique, all the lessons of Leschet- 
 iszki, will stand for naught unless you put your 
 whole soul into your playing. Technique is only 
 a means to an end. The end is 'feeling,' and 
 feeling can not be taught; it springs from the 
 soul. Technique will enable you to express your 
 feeling with correctness ; but unless you have some 
 feeling to express, technique will be to you — well, 
 like the perforated rolls that are used in playing 
 the pianola, where the most difficult passages are 
 interpreted with mathematical accuracy. 
 
 " So, then, do not sacrifice everything to tech- 
 
88 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 nlque — a mistake which is general among virtuosi. 
 Technique is mechanism ; art is not. But, of 
 course, you know all this. If I said it, it is only 
 a reminder. I can not forget that the first time I 
 heard you play you sent a thrill over me which 
 was simply a transmission of your feeling from 
 your nature to mine through the sound waves. I 
 felt your soul mingling with mine ; and when a 
 player can do that with his audience, then he is a 
 true artist." 
 
 Is not he a dear ? 
 
 Your 
 
 Nelly. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 89 
 
 WiEN, Austria, April 19, 1901. 
 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 This is Friday night, 8.30. I am writing be- 
 side a roaring fire. It has been very cold here 
 the last week — really most unpleasant weather. 
 All winter I have not known the difference — 
 whether my room was facing north or south, as 
 there was no sun anywhere. But now it makes 
 me envious to see the sun streaming in the win- 
 dows across the street and my room so dark and 
 damp. I have thought seriously of moving, but 
 
 Miss S says that by May I will be glad 
 
 I have a north room. But when I go away for 
 the summer vacation, the last of June, I shall give 
 up my room and not return here. I have thought 
 of moving all winter, for, after I was settled here, 
 I found the location anything but inspiring. 
 Around the corner is the old people's poorhouse. 
 As I go to dinner I see dozens of the poor old 
 creatures out sunning themselves. Farther up is 
 the hospital, where they murder people in the 
 interest of Science. They average fifteen funerals 
 a day, and they have them all at once — at one 
 o'clock, just as I go to dinner. There are always 
 groups of mourners standing about, and the air is 
 
90 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 heavy with incense which they burn. Altogether 
 it is not a cheerful neighborhood. 
 
 So far, all the flowers I have seen here have 
 been in florist's windows, and the prices are awful. 
 
 Yes, I have three German lessons a week, and 
 I always take two lessons each time out of the 
 grammar and write out the exercises, and know 
 the lessons, too. But I seldom hear it spoken. 
 My piano teacher spoke only German to me 
 during my last lesson, and I understood nearly 
 all. I am working away as best I can, but some- 
 times I feel awfully discouraged. I talk with 
 other pupils, and I find they all have come to be 
 very humble-minded, and convinced that they are 
 perfect idiots. Now, for instance, in my last 
 lesson I had a Nocturne by Chopin (I am daft 
 over Chopin anyway ; every note appeals to me ; 
 every note has a real meaning to me), and I have 
 seen in the past that my playing of Chopin not 
 only gave myself pleasure, but pleased, and even 
 moved, other people. I have always felt that 
 after the excellent training I had with Mr. Hart- 
 mann and my own work (in which I can truly say 
 I have always been conscientious and tried my 
 best), and hearing artists in New York last year 
 whose playing sounded like what I aimed at, that 
 I could not be far wrong. Well, I had worked 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 91 
 
 so hard over the Nocturne ! I had memorized It 
 all, just as they require, being able to say the 
 notes aloud away from the music. I could play 
 ,each hand alone or both together. I studied the 
 pedal, and used it just as she had marked it. Of 
 every little phrase I studied the shading, and 
 toward the end of the week I could have wept at 
 the feeling I put into the thing. I went to my 
 lesson with quite a humble feeling of pride, think- 
 ing, " Perhaps to-day she will be pleased with 
 me." Well, I assure you there was not a measure 
 I was allowed to play through without a sugges- 
 tion. The chief difficulty is what she calls 
 " Hand-gellent " — I do not know how they spell 
 it, but it means hand and arm movement. They 
 produce nearly all their effects over here with 
 little turns and twists of the hands, fingers, wrists, 
 or arms. 
 
 Frau Bree says my arms are so stiff. I was 
 talking with Miss McB-S^^^^^ girl who has been 
 here five years, and she worked two years before 
 getting into this flexibility. 
 
 Finally, Frau Bree ended my lesson by telling 
 me that the Nocturne was too difficult for me! 
 She just about broke my heart, and yet I realize 
 that she is right; for I am certainly not equal to 
 doing it as she requires. The fact is, I must be 
 
92 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 an artist before playing that Nocturne. She gave 
 me a Chopin waltz to do this week. I memorize 
 a page each day. When I go to bed I say the 
 notes from the beginning. I am trying, in a dis- 
 heartened way, but I shall not be so foolish as 
 again to suppose I shall have a good lesson. 
 
 But I try to cheer myself by playing over some 
 of my old pieces, and they certainly are quite 
 different — a much fuller undertone, and altogether 
 freer and easier. 
 
 Oh, dearest, it is a long, hard road ! One who 
 has not studied — and even one who has, like my- 
 self — can have no realization of the distance be- 
 tween the artist and even a good amateur. I had 
 not, but I have now. 
 
 Dearest, just now I want just you. I want to 
 put my face down in your lap, just as I used in 
 the still twilight — oh, ages ago, it seems! — and 
 hear, as then, your low voice saying, softly, " My 
 little girl, my little girl ! " 
 
 I feel sure I shall dream to-night the best of the 
 old life over. And always — sleeping or waking — 
 I shall be your own 
 
 " Little Nell." 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 93 
 
 April 28. 
 Yesterday brought yours of the 9th. Of course, 
 I know you appreciated my telling you every- 
 thing. I so often think of you, and want to tell 
 you a million little things just then and there. 
 But — I do not know how it is — the time runs 
 away, and tho I seem always to be in a rush I ac- 
 complish little of all I plan to do. 
 
 Yes, in October I shall not have to practise 
 such rigid economy, for I am then to have one- 
 third of the Mexican income. I get on beauti- 
 fully here, however, and have even saved a little 
 toward my summer vacation trip. I want to go 
 to The Hague, and have a bit of tramping over 
 the Swiss mountains. The Hague is on the sea, 
 you know, and the bathing is fine. Orchestral 
 concerts are given by the famous Berlin Orchestra, 
 the finest in the world. 
 
 Mr. F 's sister and her husband live there. 
 
 He is a lawyer, but does not practise, devoting his 
 time mainly to painting and music. Constant says 
 he plays the violin really well. Twice a week 
 they have musical evenings at his home. I will 
 go to a pension near there, where the expense will 
 be about the same as here. I enclose a letter 
 
94 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 from Constant, in which he speaks of it. I think it 
 will be very pleasant for me to pass a month that 
 way. Then, as I said, I want to go through 
 Switzerland. That can be done very cheaply. 
 
 Miss S went last year. They sell a ticket 
 
 for $5, on which one can travel all one wants to, 
 for a month, through Switzerland. I like it here 
 so much for that reason. At least among the 
 students it does not matter if one is rich or poor ; 
 we all chum together — in fact, no one thinks of 
 " cutting a dash," as with us. I was much more 
 lonely in New York and Chicago than I am here. 
 Our people are certainly selfish and brusque in 
 manner. In New York, especially, every one 
 seems cold and utterly selfish. They have no 
 time to be polite. 
 
 Friday night I gave a little party — just the 
 students from the ■pension — nine of us. We were 
 all jolly, and played guessing games, and two of 
 the doctors did sleight-of-hand tricks, which were 
 really very clever. I served sandwiches, tea, and 
 cakes. Yesterday we began playing tennis. I do 
 not know the game, but they are all kind enough 
 to be willing to teach me. We are to play twice 
 a week. 
 
 I am going, this morning, to hear Verdi's Mass, 
 conducted by Mascagni. Mascagni is also going 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 95 
 
 to conduct his own opera, " Cavelleria Rusticana," 
 
 some night this week at the opera. Miss S 
 
 and I are going. We go everywhere together. 
 She is a dear girl, and I am very fond of her. I 
 must now stop writing and get dressed, so as to 
 meet her on the corner in half an hour. I will 
 write on the ist, as usual. 
 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Nell. 
 
96 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 May 2. 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 I tried to write you yesterday, but in the morn- 
 ing I had to go away to the other end of the city 
 for my piano lesson, and then in the afternoon, 
 after dinner, I came home, rested a little, practised 
 an hour, dressed for the opera, and had just an 
 hour in which to write to you before expecting 
 the girl, with whom I was going, to call for me. 
 As I was just commencing to write there came a 
 knock at the door, and there she was ! I was so 
 disappointed. It was not five o'clock. She was 
 to come at six. The opera begins at seven here, 
 you know. It was Mascagni's opera, " Cavalleria 
 Rusticana," that we heard last night, under his 
 own leadership of the orchestra. I have often 
 heard it in Mexico, but last night it was a differ- 
 ent opera altogether — fuller of rhythm and poetry. 
 
 Mascagni received quite an ovation. Miss S 
 
 and I have made up our minds to go twice a week 
 to the opera. We get seats in the third gallery 
 for about seventy cents, and we see and hear very 
 well there. It is foolish to be in the midst of 
 such opportunities and not take advantage of 
 them. How often, when I see and hear beauti- 
 ful things, do I long — oh, with such longing that 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 97 
 
 I really achel — to have you with me. But I 
 shall see and hear /or two, and when I come we 
 will live it all over again together. I think I have 
 not spoken of it very much, but I do appreciate 
 these long, weary years you are passing through, 
 and I think you have been extremely sweet and 
 brave through all, and so has dear, dear Nonksie. 
 Perhaps he will recover, after all, and I shall see 
 him once again. How good he always was to me ! 
 And I want you to hope and believe that brighter 
 days will come, and that only a little later on we 
 are all going to be happy together. But for a 
 while I must stay here at my piano work. I am 
 learning, certainly, but I fear I shall not, in this 
 life, reach the summit for which I strive. One 
 who has not been through it can have no idea 
 what it means to be an artist. I have been quite 
 discouraged lately, and one in such a state of mind 
 can not do good work. Yesterday I told my 
 teacher how I felt. She was very kind, and said 
 every one passed through these stages. She said 
 to play the piano well was a very, very difficult 
 art, and that any teacher who is easily satisfied 
 with a pupil's work is a poor teacher. I often 
 think of the old saying about " fools rushing in 
 where angels fear to tread." I certainly was a 
 "fool," but I doubt if I am an "angel " now, even 
 
98 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 if I do fear to attempt anything. Positively I can 
 not find any piece of music simple enough to play. 
 I suppose it is as my teacher says, that, when one 
 is able to play even a simple thing well, one is 
 then prepared to go ahead with anything and 
 everything. Now, in a Chopin Waltz I am learn- 
 ing, I assure you she has some especial direction 
 to give about the playing of almost every note. I 
 play it slowly, slowly, one hand at a time, trying 
 to remember every detail. For instance, I have 
 to think like this (practising always without 
 music) : at the beginning of bar, the hand in 
 arched position, take pedal with first note, raise 
 it the instant the third note is struck ; depress 
 wrist with fifth and sixth notes ; raise wrist on 
 certain other notes ; the thumb goes under the 
 hand on certain notes ; throw the hand up in other 
 places, always watching out that the pedal is raised 
 and depressed as she has marked it. I have cer- 
 tainly learned a great deal, tho, for now in going 
 over my old pieces I can by myself improve them 
 measure by measure, applying all these things. 
 
 Miss S was four years in Berlin and Leipsic, 
 
 and she says the teachers there know nothing 
 about a piano compared with here. For instance, 
 I suppose she thought she was quite a fine pian- 
 ist when she came here, because I know when 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 99 
 
 she, upon arrival, went to play to Leschetiszki 
 she played a big Concerto by Chopin (it is for 
 piano and orchestra, and Lesche played the or- 
 chestral part on a second piano). Now she has 
 been here almost two years, and she says she 
 would as soon think of jumping over the moon 
 as of attempting that Concerto ! So fade our dear 
 illusions ! You know, tho Paderewski was a con- 
 cert pianist when he came here, that he studied 
 here for four years ! 
 
 I shall not worry myself about it. I shall try 
 my best, and at least I shall be better than I was. 
 
 I enclose some photos. 
 
 Always your 
 
 Nell. 
 
loo YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 May 5. 
 There is the most awful old grind-organ play- 
 ing out in the street. I am on the point of going 
 mad ! Really they ought not to be allowed at 
 large! I will bury myself in thoughts of you. 
 Dearest, which will deafen me to all unpleasant- 
 ness. I was so happy, yesterday, to hear from 
 you, and eagerly devoured every word, as always. 
 Dearest, we will hold each other close all our lives 
 to prevent dark shadows creeping in. After all, 
 as you say, "What is life without love?" One 
 strives to attain a certain perfection in any branch ; 
 one grows aweary; one's ideal is ever far away, 
 like the bag of gold hidden behind the rainbow ; 
 faint-hearted, exhausted, despairing, one sinks by 
 the wayside ; and then one thinks, " What is it 
 all for?" The brain of clay realizes its finite, or, 
 rather, infinitesimal, limit or capacity ; but, thank 
 God, one then thinks of the soul, which is not 
 finite but divine, and as great as heaven itself! 
 The one great prerogative of the soul is to love, 
 and only in loving is it worthy its divine origin. 
 In loving, one shakes off these earthly shackles; 
 one rises to a purer, sweeter atmosphere, where 
 all is harmony, beauty, and content, and an in- 
 finite range of vision. Dear, I am beginning to 
 feel that God, in pity, is to heal my bruised and 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL loi 
 
 wounded spirit. Then, indeed, shall I once more 
 live again. 
 
 ■^ in ^ if. if. 
 
 Do you know, dear, perhaps I will not return 
 here in the fall ? I have been making inquiries, 
 and they say one of Leschetiszki's best preparatory 
 teachers lives in Paris — a Mr. Swain. Many say 
 he is far better than Frau Bree, for the reason 
 that he " illustrates " — that is, plays the things he 
 teaches. That is something that I miss very 
 much with Frau Bree. She never plays a note, 
 and you know how it is — one may talk all day, 
 and yet not convey the idea as in five minutes' 
 practical illustration. I will think seriously before 
 deciding. In Paris I could devote myself to 
 French and Require it somewhat. I enjoy the 
 French magazine very much. It seems easy read- 
 ing someway, and I find many things to interest 
 me in its varied topics. 
 
 I am sure you are right in what you say about 
 tennis. I certainly feel very much used up after 
 playing. 
 
 Miss S and I went to hear "Martha" last 
 
 night. It was not very good. I really must 
 practise another hour to-night. Frau Bree gave 
 me a long lesson last week. Sleep well ! 
 
 Your loving Nelly. 
 
I02 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 May 12. 
 
 Pardon my writing with a pencil. I am not 
 feeling well. I do not know what the reason is, 
 but for some time I have not been well — perhaps 
 because of a cold, or too much stair-climbing, or 
 too much sitting at the piano. For several weeks 
 now I have been all broken up. It makes me 
 furious ! I feel that I can not endure it if I am 
 not to be well. Ah, but surely I shall be strong 
 as a veritable daughter of Hercules in the sum- 
 mer, and able to tramp all over the mountains of 
 Switzerland ! 
 
 Yesterday brought your dear letter of the 1 8th 
 ult. Your words always make me happy. It is 
 as if a bit of yourself came floating into the room. 
 Oh, yes, you are going to receive the song some 
 time ! It is almost copied now. If I have not 
 before sent it to you, it is because I know it to be 
 so utterly poor and valueless. It seems a pity to 
 spoil good paper with it. And, too, I am afraid 
 you might, in a moment of madness, show it to 
 some one. xsAvi^^f^v ^a ^ -MVi '^J^.-adv VJu)^V 
 
 Miss S and I have been out in the coun- 
 try this afternoon. Oh, it was all so sweet out 
 there, and restful ! I think, however, that to en- 
 joy it to the same extent and degree that I do. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 103 
 
 one must needs have lived in Mexico, as I for so 
 many years. I brought back seven shades of 
 green leaves. How Nature comforts her children ! 
 Each tender little leaf, timidly unfolding itself, 
 seems to convey a Divine message. It is God's 
 own voice, announcing newly to the world not 
 only His omnipotence and omnipresence, but His 
 great and unchangeable love! Surely the days 
 of miracles are not passed. The garden to the 
 left of Waringer Strasse is now a marvel of tints 
 and fragrance. Lilacs, white and lavender, per- 
 fume the neighborhood, and all overhead is a sea 
 of foamy green. I am longing for the country 
 and for you ! Sometimes I become depressed 
 just from loneliness, which unfits me for anything. 
 It is a kind of mania possessing one. It would 
 be all right if one always had the talent to justify 
 one's abject devotion to one aim, but so often we 
 see good honest efforts applied in the wrong 
 direction. Ah, well, " Nothing succeeds like suc- 
 cess!" And most of all is that true with our- 
 selves. If we accomplish what we set about we 
 feel a new power arising and greatening within 
 us ; but if we fail, or if success be delayed, it takes a 
 heart of iron and a giant spirit to march bravely on. 
 All my life I have dreamed of Vienna as of a 
 place of enchantment which I had only to reach 
 
I04 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 to be transformed into a marvel. And it is true, 
 but not in the way I dreamed ! I do find myself 
 " a marvel " — of stupidity. Every day as I look 
 in the glass I fully expect to see ass's ears grow- 
 ing out of my head. I used to love the piano, 
 and my playing was a source of pleasure to my- 
 self and to my friends (unless they told big 
 stories), but now it is only painful. I no longer 
 find pleasure in it. I hate the piano — in fact, I 
 scarcely know one when I see one. The sight of 
 one benumbs my brain (or the place where my 
 brain should be), and yet I can not give it up. I 
 suffer — as a woman loving a drunken husband — 
 disappointment and bitterness, but still I would 
 not give it up for all the world. It is pitiful ! 
 
 I enclosed the slip about hypnotism only be- 
 cause'it seemed so wonderful that they could use 
 it as an anesthetic in that way. I am interested 
 in hypnotism ; I think it may solve the problem 
 of human unhappiness. Really, all we have to do 
 to be happy is to believe we are so. "As he 
 thinketh in his heart, so is he," saith the Bible — 
 speaking of man generically. I send you some 
 of my pretty leaves. My kisses are among them. 
 Your 
 
 Nelly. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 105 
 
 May 16. 
 
 We (Miss S and I) have been out in the 
 
 country again. It is now 8.30, and she and Mrs. 
 R {nee H , the girl who took the Ger- 
 man degree of " Dr. of Philology," and who re- 
 cently married a Pole) are just gone. 
 
 This week I am working on an awful study by 
 Leschetiszki, "Jeu des Oudes " (Play of the 
 Waves). It is the most awful thing (to memo- 
 rize) I ever came across. They say he wrote it to 
 make it difficult. Each measure goes in about 
 two different keys. It is six pages long, and I am 
 supposed to know it perfectly by my next lesson 
 — Wednesday. I only began it Thursday. Yes- 
 terday afternoon I was just about crazy over it. 
 I would sit and look at the music and say the 
 notes aloud, but it would not make any impression 
 on my brain. Finally I just sat down at the 
 piano, and played it over and over again, looking 
 at the music — a thing we are especially forbidden 
 to do, because then we learn by "finger memory " 
 and not from the brain. I finally got almost wild 
 
 over the thing, and in came Miss S , saying, 
 
 " Well, my dear, I just ran down to you, for I am 
 about off my head." I told her I was simply 
 desperate. We talked it all over and comforted 
 
io6 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 each other, and then she gave me an examination 
 on the first two pages, which I had tried to study 
 well. She would say, " Tell me the notes in the 
 last half of the fourth bar, and the third beat 
 of three bars ; after that," etc., etc. As you may 
 imagine, it is very difficult, and I had just about 
 made up my mind not to try any more. My 
 brain does not work right. I have never learned 
 
 to think or to apply myself. Miss S is a 
 
 little brick. She has been here longer than I 
 and is more advanced, and she insists on dragging 
 me after her. She does more for me than any 
 teacher does. She can tell me from experience 
 the importance of mastering this, and I begin to 
 be convinced that it is vital. For instance, pupils 
 who have been here — three years, say — and who 
 have trained their brains, can memorize a long 
 and difficult piece in one day. To me it seems 
 incredible and impossible. But I have known of 
 many doing it. Even in one day they would 
 know it so well that If they would start playing it, 
 and if at, say, the tenth bar you would take their 
 hands off the piano and go on, counting the bars, 
 and then suddenly tell them to come in with the 
 music at the place you had reached, they would 
 do it with perfect security. It is little short of 
 marvelous. Lesche requires his pupils to have 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 107 
 
 the notes (and, of course, a clear and fluent tech- 
 nique) so clear in the mind that if he makes some 
 suggestion as to interpretation, necessitating an 
 entirely different rendering, one can do it with 
 perfect ease. The fingers are merely the mem- 
 bers of one's orchestra, and the leader is the brain. 
 To-day I have been practising much better, and 
 I see just a little glimmering of light. All this 
 talk about Lesche — technique ! It is a practical 
 study to overcome physical difficulties, but that is 
 scarcely even the beginning of it. Four-fifths of 
 their technique comes from the brain. I can well 
 understand, as Frau Bree says : " You are study- 
 ing the piano, but this training will apply itself in 
 every direction." I am afraid I have given you a 
 big dose of piano talk, but it occupies my mind. 
 
 I have the brooch. It is beautiful! 
 
 A world of love to you each. 
 
 Nell. 
 
io8 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 May 23. 
 
 How foolish of me to write my moods out for 
 your bewilderment, my dearest. I know it will 
 give you pain, and if I only had the letters back 
 I would fill them full oi joy, of joy, of JOY — for 
 your dear sake, my darling ! 
 
 Yes, I know ; but not even the jeopardizing of 
 all my property interests could induce me to leave 
 here now — at least, so I feel to-day. And yet I, 
 of course, can not get on without my income. It 
 is now or never with my music, and I feel that 
 even a brief interruption might be fatal. To tell 
 the truth, I have been very discouraged of late, 
 and only in the last two weeks have I begun to 
 see a way through. You can imagine what it 
 means for a mature person like myself to drop 
 suddenly all her particularly pet little ways and 
 change everything — never to be able to play a 
 single note in anything in what would be to me 
 a free and natural way. In my lessons there was 
 seldom a note that escaped criticism. I had the 
 satisfaction, in my lesson yesterday, to be told that 
 I had practised 100 per cent, better this last week 
 than ever before. I thought also, before I went 
 to my lesson, that I had; but I have so often 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 109 
 
 been disappointed in trying to please Frau Bree 
 that I did not expect any praise. It did me a 
 world of good, however. And often I think — 
 more and more approvingly — of what you used 
 to say : " What we all need, what all the world 
 needs, is encouragement — encouragement to do our 
 best ; and even in the midst of failure, still, and 
 and all the more, encouragement ! " I think 
 you used to add that, after all, failure was but a 
 stepping-stone to success, as out of evil God 
 brings good. If that be so (and, as I used to 
 say, " What Dearest says is so — is so, if it isnt 
 so") I surely shall some time succeed marvelously, 
 for the stepping-stones of failure are many along 
 my way. 
 
 One thing so difficult over here is the pedaling. 
 I was never taught pedaling, but always used it at 
 random, as I thought it should be. I find Les- 
 chetiszki's way and mine are never the same, and 
 I am free to acknowledge that his is much better, 
 but it is difficult. I noticed, when I first came 
 here, in the playing of his pupils, such full, rich, 
 velvety, organlike notes, and I find it is all in 
 the pedaling. I begin to see into this, and I be- 
 
no YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 gin to memorize as they require, always seeing 
 the notes in the mind's eye, and never playing 
 any faster than the brain dictates — not letting the 
 fingers run on. You would not believe it, but a 
 thing learned and played from the brain has an 
 entirely different sound. My hands and arms, 
 too, are limbering, and I am " catching on " to all 
 their little twists and quirks. I do not want to 
 boast, but I believe if I work hard for the next 
 year and a half that I shall play better than I do 
 now. 
 
 Last night was the night at Leschetiszki's. 
 Rosenthal, the great pianist, was there. Did I 
 tell you of the six-year-old prodigy? He plays 
 at every class. He is a Pole. One night he 
 played "The Mill" and a Chopin Nocturne. 
 He played them better than I used. Last night 
 he played a Haydn trio — piano, cello, and violin. 
 He played the long and difficult piano part with- 
 out music. It is simply uncanny! He is a little 
 totsie in short gowns, and they have to pile books 
 on the piano-stool for him. They have a mechan- 
 ical arrangement attached to the pedal for the use 
 of his little feet. 
 
 It Is lo P.M., and I am tired. 
 
 Miss S has her first lesson with Leschet- 
 
 iszki to-morrow! She is in a great state. You 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL iii 
 
 would love her! We are always together. She 
 has been, in many ways, a world of help to me. 
 She takes nutmeg in her tea. It is her own in- 
 vention, and something awful, I think. 
 With much love. 
 
 Always aiFectionately, 
 
 Nell. 
 
112 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 WiEN, June I. 
 
 I received your letter of May lo, just after my 
 last was posted, and this morning the one of the 
 1 6th arrived. 
 
 Oh, poor little Martha! I am so sorry! But 
 I hope he will suffer for his sins. Martha (just 
 between ourselves) made a great mistake in not 
 attending more to her personal appearance and in 
 not keeping up to the times. When I was there 
 last I noticed this, but I thought her extreme 
 devotion would more than make up for it. And 
 so it should if the man were what he ought to be. 
 I am sure the wise way is for a woman, first of all, 
 to be well " groomed," then to wear pretty and 
 becoming clothes ; be a little selfish in expecting 
 more care and attention than she gives ; always be 
 kind and affectionate, but always let the man feel 
 that there are still some little recesses in her nature 
 which he can not reach; always have something 
 interesting to talk about; never worry; never 
 nag! In this way a woman can always keep a 
 good man's devotion. An inexperienced young 
 girl could never do this. She knows nothing of 
 the pitfalls in married life. All she knows to do 
 — poor thing ! — is to give herself, body, heart, and 
 soul, and live in abject devotion — certainly the 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 113 
 
 most foolish and disastrous course imaginable. 
 A woman could not follow out my plans unless 
 she were well, and unless there were money enough 
 to make life easy. But even in unfortunate cir- 
 cumstances a woman could do many of these 
 things, and all the rest would have to come from 
 her own broadness, strength, wisdom, and — most 
 of all — goodness and sweetness of character. 
 
 A woman to win a man's everlasting devotion 
 and adoration must be a Solomon and a saint — 
 full of infinite force and never lessening resources ! 
 Some of us are not up to the standard, and that 
 is why our marriages are unhappy. It reminds 
 me of some great actress's advice to young girls 
 wishing to go on the stage: "Unless you have 
 the face of a Madonna, the figure of a Venus, 
 the skin of a rhinoceros, the brain of a genius, 
 more patience than Job — don't ! " 
 
 It is now very hot here, and^ tho I am feeling 
 quite well again, I do not think this last month 
 of piano practise would do me any good ; and so 
 I have decided to go to The Hague and rest, and 
 take the sea baths as soon as possible. I think 
 in about two weeks I shall leave. And I may 
 not return here for another year, but settle in 
 Paris. I have heard of a celebrated pupil of 
 Leschetiszki's, a Mr. Swain, who is, they say, as 
 
114 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 great a teacher as Lesche, and more patient and 
 painstaking. He is in Paris. I have letters of 
 introduction to pupils who left here to go to him 
 by preference. I could perfect my French there 
 also. But I have not yet decided. 
 
 Address care of Mrs. F . She will for- 
 ward my letters to The Hague address. 
 
 Best love to you each 
 
 From 
 
 Nelly. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 115 
 
 June 5. 
 
 I expect to leave here a week from to-morrow. 
 My piano goes to-morrow, as the month is then 
 up. I am busy remodeling some of my gowns. 
 (Am I not fortunate in knowing how to do that? 
 And more and more I thank you, dearest, for in- 
 sisting that such knowledge should form a part 
 of every girl's education.) And I am having a 
 pretty dotted mull made for afternoons at the sea- 
 shore. 
 
 Yesterday was the great parade — Corpus Christi 
 Day. It was a most gorgeous spectacle! Miss 
 
 S and I were most fortunate in securing seats 
 
 on Drecoll's balcony, and we had a perfect view 
 of everything : the choir-boys, the priests, with 
 hundreds of banners in marvelous colors; all the 
 members of the royal household ; all the nobles ; 
 the city mayor; the generals of the army; the 
 cardinal ; the emperor ; Ferdinand, the heir to the 
 throne; his handsome but wicked brother. Otto; 
 all the fine horses of the royal stables, and some 
 of the royal carriages. It was an indescribable 
 sight! Some day I will tell you all about it. 
 Everybody was in full uniform. 
 
 Tho we had seats, we were obliged to leave here 
 at 6 A.M. (the parade was at 9). The crowd was 
 
ii6 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 dense. Many people stood all night to get places. 
 I tried to take some photographs, but the light 
 was too poor. 
 
 Just now a French magazine came. I see it 
 continues " The Queen's Necklace." I am in- 
 terested in it. 
 
 I have been reading Dreyfus's "Cinq Annees de 
 ma Vie." It is the most heartbreaking story ! 
 His sufferings haunt me nights ! I make it a 
 point to look up all the words I do not know, and 
 often I can not see for the tears in my eyes. 
 What fine, noble natures are he and his wife ! 
 What ideal love between them ! What tender- 
 ness, what devotion ! It has convinced me that 
 true love can endure — even through years of 
 wedded days. 
 
 To-day I read from Raja Yoga this : " He who 
 can become mad upon an idea, he alone will see 
 light." I wonder if it is true ? If, in other words, 
 as has been asserted heretofore, all genius is in- 
 sanity ? 
 
 I will write again before leaving. 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Nell. 
 
PART TWO 
 
 LETTERS FROM PARIS 
 
Brussels, June 20. 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 I arrived here yesterday, after the most ideal 
 trip by boat down the Rhine. I sent you postals 
 from Frankfort, and from every place along the 
 Rhine where we made a landing. I also took 
 photographs on the way, and, if they turn out well, 
 you shall have copies. 
 
 I visited Frankfort, Mainz, Konigswinter, Co- 
 logne, Aix-la-Chapelle, and now Brussels. It is 
 a trip I shall remember all my life — such wonder- 
 ful things I have seen ! 
 
 The scenery and the magnificent ruins along 
 the way, the castles, old and modern — oh, it is all 
 so wonderful ! 
 
 Mrs. F is here. She called on me yes- 
 terday afternoon, and later we went for a drive 
 through the lovely woods near here. 
 
 It is now 10.30, and soon a carriage is to come 
 
 to take me to lunch with Mrs. F^ . In the 
 
 afternoon we go sightseeing, and then she will dine 
 here with me. I like her, and she, I am sure, 
 feels that I respect myself. She speaks always to 
 
 119 
 
I20 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 me in French, and I in English to her, and each 
 understands perfectly. 
 
 I shall go to The Hague in a few days. I am 
 feeling very well — have walked a great deal, and 
 do not tire easily. I will write you long letters 
 from The Hague, and tell you all about my trip. 
 Brussels is a beautiful city. 
 
 Dearest love to you two dears 
 From your own 
 
 " Little Nell." 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 121 
 
 Hotel Zeerurst, 
 
 Scheveningen, July i. 
 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 I arrived here last Tuesday at i p.m., having 
 had a most interesting and pleasant little trip 
 from Brussels. Holland is such a beautiful and 
 picturesque country, with its windmills and dikes 
 everywhere. You know, nearly the whole coun- 
 try is below the level of the sea. They built 
 these tremendous dikes everywhere, and the wind- 
 mills to pump the water out of the land so in- 
 closed. Holland has been stolen from the sea. 
 In these days the windmills are used in grinding 
 corn, etc. 
 
 Arriving at The Hague, I began hunting for a 
 boarding-house (^pension), where I could remain 
 for a couple of months at not too great an ex- 
 pense, I went to dozens of places, and either 
 every place was full for the summer or else the 
 prices were equal to the best hotels. At 6 p.m., 
 worn out, I gave up the search for the day, and 
 went to my hotel. The next day I found a place, 
 but the only vacant room was on the fourth floor, 
 and all meals on the first. I found it too much 
 climbing, and began room-hunting out here at 
 
122 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Scheveningen. This is only a half-hour by horse- 
 car from The Hague. It is a seashore resort, one 
 of the most fashionable in Europe. The beach is 
 beautiful white sand, with many hotels all along 
 the promenade. I am at one of them, but am 
 not satisfied. The prices are all so much higher 
 than I expected. You see, the season here is dur- 
 ing July and August, and they have to make ex- 
 penses for the whole year during those months. 
 I pay six guldens (one gulden is forty cents) a 
 day. I ought to live for half that. I care noth- 
 ing for any place simply because it is fashionable. 
 I am writing to various small seaside places for 
 prices, and may leave here in a few days. I am 
 glad, tho, to have seen it. 
 
 The peasant women are interesting in their 
 quaint gowns, and with the golden (real gold) 
 bands they wear about their heads, with white 
 bonnets over them. I hope to get some good 
 photos, and will send you some. 
 
 Wednesday afternoon and evening I spent with 
 
 Mrs. F 's married daughter, who, with her 
 
 husband and son, lives near the most beautiful 
 wood, in which we took a long walk. 
 
 Really I must say The Hague is the most en- 
 chantingly beautiful city I was ever in. In the 
 first place, it is one great garden — woods, parks. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 123 
 
 and trees everywhere. Then the city is full of 
 canals, just like Venice — quaint bridges, boats, old 
 towers, and castles all about. I am sending you 
 postal cards, which will give you a very good idea 
 of it. 
 
 Mrs. V , Mrs. F 's daughter, is very 
 
 pretty. Her husband is devoted to her and to 
 their only child, Walter, who is five years old. 
 They have a beautiful home, with a pretty gar- 
 den. I have quite lost my heart to the entire 
 family, they are all so devoted to each other. Mr. 
 
 and Mrs. F have been married over thirty 
 
 years, and they are like young lovers. I saw 
 several kisses and sly little love-taps pass between 
 them. I think they like me. They have always 
 been most kind to me. I was in Antwerp three 
 days. Every day I lunched, spent the afternoon, 
 dined, and passed the evening with them. Con- 
 stant took some photos of me with his father. I 
 will send one for you and Nonksie (bless the dear 
 
 heart of him !). Mrs. F is really awfully 
 
 nice, and not a bit horrid, as I fancied she might 
 be. I was so happy, and always so hungry. The 
 service and customs in general seem quite like 
 ours at home. I was anxious to see Constant 
 with his mother and sister, to learn if he treated 
 them with the same thoughtful courtesy which he 
 
124 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 showed to me. I am glad to say he does — ^which 
 shows that it is real. 
 
 Here, in the evening, Mr. V and I played 
 
 duos — piano and violin. He plays very well. 
 Here Dutch is the language spoken. It is not 
 at all like German. I do not understand a word. 
 Fortunately, nearly every one speaks English. 
 
 Of course, I do not know where I may go, but 
 I will not pay more than half what they charge 
 here. It does not cost much to travel about. 
 The distances are short, and I go second class. 
 
 Miss S is gone home to Scotland, but we still 
 
 hope to go through Switzerland together. I do 
 not like being alone here. It seems very lonely. 
 I would go to Paris at once (where I know some 
 Vienna people and have letters to others), but I 
 fear the heat. But I am having a needed rest, 
 and feel all right again. 
 
 Every afternoon and evening they have fine 
 concerts here by the Berlin Philharmonic Orches- 
 tra — one of the finest in the world. I went on 
 
 Friday evening with Mr. and Mrs. V . She 
 
 is coming out to lunch with me to-morrow. 
 
 I do hope all is well with you two dears. Now 
 I go to buy you some postal cards. 
 Always your devoted 
 
 Nelly. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 125 
 
 Brussels, July 16. 
 My Dearest: — 
 
 I am at last settled here in Brussels. I wrote 
 you several times from Scheveningen. It was 
 too expensive there, and, besides, I did not feel 
 comfortable there alone. I find that here in Eu- 
 rope a woman traveling alone occupies an awk- 
 ward position — not at all as in the United States. 
 More especially does this apply to a seaside re- 
 sort. I thought I should be able to make ac- 
 quaintances quickly, but all respectable families 
 are afraid of a woman who is alone. Besides, I 
 was very lonely. A woman over here has not 
 
 the liberty she has with us. Even Mr. V 
 
 would not allow his wife to come out to Scheven- 
 ingen to luncheon with me. They came out to- 
 gether several evenings, and took me out to the 
 concerts, and invited me to their home ; but Mr. 
 
 V does not like his wife to go about alone, 
 
 claiming that European women are not able to 
 
 take care of themselves. I wrote to Mrs. F , 
 
 telling her how I felt, and she suggested that I 
 come to a quiet little hotel in Boisforts (a suburb 
 of Brussels), where she used to go sometimes. So 
 I came at once, stopping two days at Antwerp. 
 They were all, as before, most kind to me, and I 
 
126 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 spent all my time at their house, only sleeping at 
 
 the hotel. Mrs. F , tho physically unable to 
 
 do me so great a kindness, came with me last 
 Tuesday to Brussels. We went to Boisforts, but 
 found the hotel was full, so I went to ■& pension, 
 and in a couple of days I found the place where 
 I now am. It is beautifully situated, near the 
 famous Bois de la Cambre. I am with a widow 
 and her three daughters. I have two pleasant 
 rooms with a fine view, and I pay just half what 
 I did in Scheveningen. Oh, Providence is taking 
 care of me! I am so satisfied to be here. It is 
 also a fine thing for my French. They speak in 
 French, and I have two good hours with them 
 every day at dinner and luncheon. Even in these 
 few days I speak easier. They know I want to 
 learn, and are kind enough to correct anything I 
 say wrong. The eldest daughter (about twenty, 
 I think) is an artist of great talent. Last night 
 she showed me some of her work, and suggested 
 that some day we go to the country together, 
 where she will paint and I can read. 
 
 Mrs. F is coming to see me to-morrow. 
 
 I have a piano, and am doing some good practis- 
 ing. I only just begin to realize how much I 
 learned in Vienna ! I am, indeed, thankful for it 
 all, and often I long for a glimpse of the kind 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 127 
 
 faces I learned to love there. How good they 
 all were to me ! I shall remain here until Sep- 
 tember, and then, perhaps, go to Paris. 
 
 O dearest, if only you could have enjoyed 
 with me the trip down the Rhine, and all the beau- 
 tiful, historic places that I visited en route! Espe- 
 cially in the Cathedral at Cologne was I filled with 
 a longing for you that would not let me rest. It 
 is a wonderful structure ! About as large as the 
 Cathedral in Antwerp and marvelously impressive. 
 How vividly it brought back to me dear Nonk- 
 sie's reading — from John Lord, I believe — of this 
 same Cathedral, in the evenings long ago. Little 
 I thought then that I was to see with my own 
 eyes the colossal towers that he read about — " the 
 delicate spires, rising to a height of five hundred 
 and twenty feet ; . . . the wonders that must 
 be studied like the glories of a landscape, with an 
 eye to the beautiful and the grand, and practised 
 by the contemplation of ideal excellence." And 
 all these thousands of wonders consecrated to the 
 God of the high and the low, to whom all are re- 
 sponsible — the one dear Providence who is watch- 
 ing over your little girl wherever she may be, and 
 always taking care of her. Tell Nonksie — with 
 my dear, dear love, and a thousand kisses right 
 from the heart of me — that I thought of him there 
 
128 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 in that holy place, and prayed for his healing and 
 his peace. Tell him, also, that I never forget to 
 be gratefial that, through all those years — seem- 
 ingly now so far away ! — he gave lavishly to me 
 from the storehouse of his remarkable memory, 
 of his wide knowledge of men and events, of all 
 the riches of his mind so marvelously trained, so 
 keenly analytical in its scope and power. 
 
 Le bon Dieu will not let me disappoint his beau- 
 tiful faith in me ! 
 
 Lovingly yours and his 
 
 " Little Nell." 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 129 
 
 August 20. 
 
 Tell you of my home-life — of each day's pro- 
 gram, dearest? It is all very simple and scarcely 
 deserving mention, except because you wish it. 
 In the first place, I get up at 7.00 always, when 
 the maid knocks on my door, waking me from 
 sound slumber, and I spring out of bed to take 
 the pitcher of hot water she brings me. 
 
 Then (I will confess) I sometimes go back 
 again for five minutes, just to wake up properly. 
 But I can not linger long, for at 7.30 she brings 
 my coffee and bread, and puts it on the table in 
 the front room, and I must be dressed, so as to 
 take it before it gets cold. I usually get to the 
 piano at 8.30. At 9.30 I begin French by read- 
 ing through the morning paper, looking up in 
 the dictionary all the words I do not know, and 
 writing them for reference. Then I read a book 
 of mythology in French, and, after about an hour 
 of this, I practise another hour. Then I learn 
 about five irregular verbs and write out a French 
 exercise. At 12.00 Miss Frere, my teacher, 
 comes, and I have to recite my verbs and the 
 words I wrote down in my little book, and read 
 aloud and speak, etc. 
 
 We are always still hard at work when the 
 
I30 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 lunch-bell rings. At luncheon — or, rather, din- 
 ner — we speak only French, so that is like another 
 lesson, as they always correct any mistake I make. 
 When I first came I could understand, but I 
 spoke with great difficulty. Now there is the 
 greatest difference. Of course, I often make mis- 
 takes, but in a few more months I shall speak 
 fluently. They say I have no foreign accent. 
 That comes from a musical ear. It was the same 
 in Spanish. 
 
 At dinner I might almost think I was at home 
 with you. Almost the same things we use to 
 have, and cooked just the same ! Madame Frere 
 is such a sweet woman! I like them all very 
 much, and shall be sorry to leave. 
 
 After lunch I take a nap and regown myself. 
 Then I drink a cup of tea, and either write some 
 letter or practise. At about 5.00 or 6.00 I go 
 out to walk in the lovely woods, or go into town 
 and wander about looking in the shops, or I leave 
 home at 3.00 and go to an art gallery, etc. At 
 7.00 o'clock is supper. After supper, at 8.00, 
 I come to my room, wheel a big chair under the 
 lamp, and read history. Am reading a general 
 history and a Dutch history. At 9.30 the maid 
 brings hot water, and I bathe and go to bed. 
 
 Sometimes the program is varied, and we go 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 131 
 
 for a drive in the woods or into the country, where 
 there are lovely spots. Next summer we mean 
 to visit the battle-field of Waterloo. Yet, in the 
 main, one day is very like another. 
 
 And so you see me, dear, and always I am 
 Yours fondly, 
 
 Nelly. 
 
132 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 August 26. 
 
 My birthday was such a happy day, my dear- 
 est! The first thing in the morning came, by 
 express, a great boxful of long-stemmed roses — 
 perfect beauties ! Later another lovely bouquet 
 
 (from Mrs. F ) and two lovely real Delft 
 
 placques. They are exquisite copies of celebrated 
 pictures. Also a dozen fine linen handkerchiefs 
 trimmed with real lace, and an " N " embroidered 
 in each. 
 
 In the evening Madame Frere and her daughters 
 entertained me charmingly. An interesting story 
 told by Mrs. Frere I will give to you. Who 
 knows what you may make of it ? 
 
 Before commencing the story, Mrs. Frere 
 showed me some pieces of lace — " Point de T Ai- 
 guille" they call it. I never saw such exquisite 
 lace ! The foundation is the finest net, so fine 
 that it seems impossible that it could ever have 
 been made by any human fingers. Through the 
 net are flowers and leaves and a marvelous border. 
 It was made by a young girl from a small town 
 near Brussels, who makes lace for a living and for 
 the support of a drunken father. Mrs. Frere got 
 her to come here for a few weeks to make the lace. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 133 
 
 and until then she had never been out of her 
 native town — scarcely ever out of her own home. 
 They all say she is the most beautiful creature 
 they ever saw. She was as innocent and unso- 
 phisticated as a young -savage who knows only 
 nature. She did not know that she was beautiful. 
 She hated to go on the street because every one 
 turned to stare at her. She would come home 
 with her lips quivering and her great eyes half- 
 drowned in tears, and ask madame if anything was 
 wrong with her dress. She said it seemed to her 
 that the men looked at her more than did the 
 women. " What could be the matter ? " 
 
 In Brussels every year there is a grand fair — 
 " la fair e," they call it. It is in a wide street by 
 the Gare du Midi, and it is a veritable Bedlam 
 that everybody enjoys — and later wonders why. 
 Of course, as is common at such places, there are 
 lines of little booths where they sell all sorts of 
 rubbish. 
 
 Well, this girl went to the fair one fine day, 
 her jet-black hair falling in perfect waves below 
 her knees, and herself a picture that any lover 
 of the beautiful in nature must inevitably rejoice 
 in. One of the booth-keepers, seeing her stand 
 in rapt admiration before two vases made of com- 
 mon glass, through which sparkled tin-foil, came 
 
134 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 up to her and wickedly oiFered to trade the vases 
 for her hair. The vases were each marked " 50 
 centimes " (10 cents). The girl was delighted, 
 and came home with short-cropped hair, but 
 happy as a child over her treasures. She filled 
 them with fresh flowers every morning, and set 
 them in the little window where all the days she 
 sat patiently making her lace, never thinking of 
 the price she had paid, so delighted was she to 
 have something beautiful really her very own. 
 One day a sudden storm arose, and the window, 
 being insecurely fastened, came down, and the 
 vases were broken into a thousand pieces. Poor 
 Gretchen ! She wept, and refused to be com- 
 forted until the man who sold her the vases, hear- 
 ing of her misfortune, brought her two others 
 really beautifiil, and later offered her his heart and 
 hand, which she dutifully declined. Her " father 
 could not take care of himself," she said, and, 
 without her, " he would die. She thanked mon- 
 sieur, but she should never marry." 
 
 And " monsieur " went back to his truck-booth 
 whistling the Marseillaise, and, apparently, quite 
 content. But, after all, he had done the sweet 
 little lace-maker the highest honor he could com- 
 pass in her behalf, and she seemed to appreciate, 
 in a modest way, the distinction she had gained. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 135 
 
 weeping a little In Madame's motherly embrace, 
 because " she was so sorry for him ! " 
 
 Dear little Gretchen ! I am glad her smile will 
 come again — likewise her hair. 
 
 Good-night, my best beloved. 
 
 Nelly. 
 
136 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Brussels, August 28. 
 
 How happy I was to get your dear letter this 
 morning ! It started the day brightly for me, and, 
 because of it, I have done betterwork to-day. Oh, 
 I am so sorry the summer is passing ! I do not 
 like the cold winter. To-day is a foretaste of it. 
 
 Just now I have had my French lesson, and 
 
 have written to Miss T and to Dr. R , 
 
 Paris. I wrote to Vienna to get his address; 
 it is different from the one he sent me in The 
 Hague. I hope now to have an answer from 
 him, and shall be glad if he is in Paris when I ar- 
 rive, as I know he will be of help to me in find- 
 ing just the right place. 
 
 Do you know, I have been thinking about my 
 coming life in that gay city, dear heart, and won- 
 dering if you might ever have any anxieties about 
 me at any time. I was thinking, too, how loving 
 and kind and all that is dear you are, and of how 
 truly I love both you and Nonksie, and I want 
 you both to trust me implicitly. I shall, no 
 doubt, go about some, and meet a good many 
 people — notable men and women ; but, in our 
 separation, I am sure you will keep a firm faith in 
 me and in my perfect safety, and so be peaceful 
 and happy in every thought that comes my way. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 137 
 
 No matter where I may be, in absence from you, 
 I want you always to be possessed by a feeling of 
 joyous security — believing, as I do, that Provi- 
 dence is taking care of me. 
 
 This is just a little extra, dear heart. 
 ***** 
 
 I had a very sad letter from Mr. M the 
 
 other day. For the past four or five months his 
 health has been failing, and his ship, the Vigilancia, 
 went on the rocks, you know. It was just off the 
 coast of Cuba, and he remained on board six 
 weeks while wreckers were trying to get the noble 
 old ship off. He contracted a fever there, but re- 
 covered somewhat, and was offered a position as 
 chief engineer on a fine new ship, the Esperanza. 
 He wrote me from Vera Cruz, saying that every 
 hour he grew worse, and that he is almost totally 
 blind. He thinks, and hopes, the suflFering will 
 soon be over. He is a splendid man, always 
 doing some kind act for somebody. It seems 
 too hard, and he is only forty years old ! 
 
 How many sad things one finds in life ! After 
 all, health is the most important thing, and all 
 troubles are as nothing compared to a desperate 
 physical condition. 
 
 Good-by, dear heart. 
 
 Fondly, your Nelly. 
 
138 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Brussels, September i. 
 
 I could not write you yesterday, tho all day, 
 out in the country, I kept the trysting-time with 
 you in loving thought and plan. We visited the 
 ruins of an old monastery — Le Abbaye de Villars. 
 It is about an hour, by train, from Brussels. 
 Baedeker speaks of it only a few words. It was 
 built in 1 200, and practically destroyed at the 
 time of the French Revolution. My dear, it is 
 marvelous ! The church and monastery cover a 
 large space of ground, and even the ruined castles 
 on the Rhine are not so imposing. I never saw 
 anything so picturesque and fascinating. We are 
 going again next Sunday, and I shall take some 
 photographs. We bought a French book telling 
 all about it, and I shall send it to you with the 
 pictures. What made me know of and wish to 
 visit the ruins was a book Miss Frere gave me to 
 read — "Dom Placide." It is a diary kept by a 
 monk who lived and died there, and whose body 
 was found a long time afterward when an old wall 
 was torn down. 
 
 Such a mistake we made yesterday ! — a mis- 
 take that nearly resulted in our not seeing the 
 ruins at all. We did not leave town until 2 p.m., 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 139 
 
 and, after traveling about an hour, expecting every 
 moment to arrive at the station, the train finally 
 stopped, and outside, on a big board, we saw : 
 " Hotel des Ruins de Villars." We naturally 
 thought that was the place to get off, and only 
 when the train was moving did we find out our 
 mistake. We had left the train — and the train 
 had left us — two stations too soon ! We tried to 
 hire a carriage, but there was none to be had, and 
 no train again for two hours. We were told that 
 by fast walking one could cover the distance in 
 an hour and a half, and we decided ta try it. 
 The day was magnificent — a little breeze at our 
 backs, a good road, and a little sun floating in 
 and out between beautiful white clouds. I started 
 with a jacket and feather boa on, but soon gave 
 them up to be carried for me, and the last half 
 hour I could only go stumbling along. 
 
 We reached the Abbaye at just half-past six, 
 and as at seven it is dark now, we saw it only 
 hurriedly. 
 
 Returning, we dined at the Hotel des Ruines 
 (which had caused us such a long walk), and, tho 
 tired, we were quite proud of ourselves, as in the 
 train we simply flew along, and it had taken even 
 the great engine to do the distance in twenty 
 minutes. 
 
HO YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 We reached home at lo p.m., and I found 
 
 awaiting me a letter from Miss M , telling 
 
 me of her brother's death on August 3. It was 
 a terrible shock to me, for, tho I knew he was 
 very ill, I did not think he would die. I was so 
 tired I could not sleep all night, and every instant 
 to-day the thought of his death is present in my 
 mind. 
 
 When I think that that fine ship, the Vigilanciay 
 on which I came up to New York not a year ago, 
 has gone to pieces on the rocks, that her captain, 
 who for thirty years had followed the seas, is dead, 
 
 and now poor Jack M , I can not realize it! 
 
 It seems to me I could again step aboard, as I did 
 at Vera Cruz, and find everything and every one 
 "just as of old." It seems impossible that he 
 whom I saw so strong a year ago is no longer 
 upon the earth ! Where is he ? The whole idea 
 of death, with all its awful mystery and irrevo- 
 cableness, has been brought vividly before my 
 mind. Forgive me, dear, for burdening you with 
 such thoughts ! Life is brief. It is but a moment 
 at longest. Let us love each other well. The 
 sweetness and purity of that love will prepare us 
 for that supreme moment which we must all 
 know. 
 
 To-day I have had my French lesson, but have 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 141 
 
 done nothing else — nor tried to. I feel home- 
 sick. I •^■aioX.you! 
 
 Good-night, my dear. To-morrow I shall be 
 all right, and will apply myself diligently to my 
 work. 
 
 Always lovingly and faithfully 
 Your 
 
 " Little Nell." 
 
142 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 September 9. 
 
 What an awful thing, the shooting of President 
 McKinley ! I sincerely hope that when you read 
 these lines he may still be alive and on the road 
 to health. To-night's paper says the doctors 
 think that they can save him. 
 
 I am in the midst of packing, and am to leave 
 here the nth, as I wrote you, and for Paris on 
 the 14th, being the guest of Mr. and Mrs. 
 F en route. 
 
 I am so happy to know that dear Nonksie's 
 hand and arm are recovering. I trust he will 
 soon be as well as ever ; and you — you must 
 take life as easy as you can, and be always hope- 
 ful and happy. 
 
 ***** 
 
 I do not know anything about the " Kneip 
 cure," excepting that the patients walk about with 
 bare feet each morning (the colder the better), 
 and put their stockings on without drying their 
 feet. I know I had a French teacher in Mexico 
 who, having no garden in which to walk, used to 
 have his servants throw buckets of icy water on a 
 brick floor and then walk barefooted. 
 
 Also, from an " altogether " bath, they get into 
 their clothes without drying themselves — some- 
 thing like a cold compress, I suppose. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 143 
 
 It is very cold here. I shall be glad to get to 
 work again, and now my holiday is practically 
 ended. I am sending you, by registered mail, a 
 catalog from Wiertz's Museum and a few photos of 
 his pictures. One thing I heard that his biogra- 
 pher has not included in the book. When he was 
 presented by the city with this mammoth studio, 
 he complained that it was too small ; but he set 
 to work immediately on his picture, " One of the 
 Great Ones " (about thirty-five feet high). I 
 send a photo of this picture. You will see the 
 giant is bent double, the length of his leg and 
 doubled body occupying the height of the can- 
 vas. Wiertz, in disgust, called in the city au- 
 thorities, and said : " You see, I shall have to 
 make all my figures doubled over in order to get 
 them in ! " 
 
 The city fathers expostulated with him, and 
 after that he confined himself to his limits. And 
 yet he painted many little pictures, marvels of 
 beauty and of delicacy of finish — especially so 
 " The Carrot," I think they call it. You will find 
 it in the catalog. I do not send any photo of 
 his greatest picture, " The Triumph of Christ," 
 because none is clear. They give no idea of it, 
 but you will find in the catalog a full and excel- 
 lent description of it, as well as of many others 
 
144 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 of his marvelous paintings; This gallery is an 
 immense room. In two ends the corners are 
 screened off, and one looks at pictures only 
 through little peep-holes. The subjects are ter- 
 rible, and, seen in that way, they do not look 
 like paintings, but reminded me of the " Chamber 
 of Horrors," in the Eden Musee. One is a per- 
 son bursting his way out of his cofRn. Another, 
 " Crime and Famine " — a woman with crazy, 
 laughing eyes, who has killed her child, one little 
 foot and leg of whom protrude from a boiling pot 
 near by. She holds the little body in her lap, 
 cutting off the other leg. It is wonderfully done, 
 and keeps me awake o' nights when I ought to be 
 asleep. It is a sermon against the monopoly of 
 riches. And yet I never, in all the galleries, have 
 seen feminine beauty more exquisitely portrayed 
 than here (you will see in the " Two Young 
 Girls " what a lovely creature a maid is), and his 
 coloring is wonderful. 
 
 I leave here for Paris on the nth, stopping 
 three days in Antwerp, the guest of Mr. and Mrs. 
 F . 
 
 You may still send my letters here. Mrs. 
 Frere will forward them as soon as I can send her 
 my address. 
 
 With dearest love, your Nelly. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 145 
 
 22, Avenue Montaigne, Paris, 
 
 September 11, 1901. 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 It seems a long time since I wrote to you, tho in 
 reality I believe it is not. In traveling and seeing 
 new faces, a few days seem weeks. I wrote you 
 from Antwerp on the 13 th and registered the letter, 
 which contained a little birthday remembrance. 
 
 I arrived here — in big, beautiful, wonderful 
 Paris — a week ago to-morrow, and have spent the 
 entire time trying to find a suitable place to live 
 in. I brought addresses from various people and 
 got others from good agencies. The first day I 
 went to a select but expensive pension, and from 
 there began my search. Of course, the first two 
 days, being so utterly strange here, I was obliged 
 to engage cabs — two francs an hour (forty cents) 
 to take me about, and it cost me a great deal, as 
 distances are so great. I also used cars and buses, 
 and walked. 
 
 The city on the south side of the Seine is filthy, 
 but cheaper : narrow, dirty, crowded streets, with 
 Heaven only knows what kind of people. The 
 so-called " Latin Quarter " is over there. I am 
 told many Americans live in the Latin Quarter, 
 but the mere mention of that part of the city is an 
 oflFense to a European. 
 
146 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 On the north side I find the prices awful! I 
 have worn myself out hunting, and Friday I was 
 too ill to leave my room. Yesterday I moved 
 here. I am between the river and the Champs- 
 Elysees (the newest and best part of the town), 
 and have one room on an inner court, for which I 
 pay twenty-five francs a week. Near is a -pension 
 at which I take my dinners. It was my inten- 
 tion to get my own luncheons in my room, but 
 now the landlady of the -pension has come down in 
 her prices, and offers me a pleasant room on the 
 street, my board, lamp, fire in room, and a French 
 lesson daily for ten francs a day. 
 
 I have figured it out in every way, and I could 
 not live any cheaper here. Besides, there I shall 
 be much more comfortable, and not lonely, as there 
 are plenty of nice people in the house, tho most 
 of them, I am sorry to say, English-speaking. It 
 is wonderful how we overrun the whole country ! 
 I am sure if it were not for Americans, nine-tenths 
 of the hotels in Europe would have to close. 
 
 T\vt pension will thus cost about %(>% a month. 
 It seems dear, but I have not found anything 
 cheaper, even in the least desirable places ; and 
 this is really beautiful. There is an elevator, so I 
 shall not have to climb stairs. I shall leave here 
 when my week is up. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 147 
 
 As yet I have seen nothing but streets and the 
 buildings I have chanced to pass, but I can readily 
 believe that Paris deserves her reputation of being 
 the most beautiful city in the world. I shall try 
 to take some good photos. To-day I went to the 
 Louvre. Of course it is wonderful, but I was too 
 tired to look about much. I intend to spend my 
 recreation hours there, and will tell you of the 
 things I see, and send you photos. 
 
 I have not yet seen my piano teacher. After 
 moving into the^(?«j/o«,I shall get a piano and prac- 
 tise a week before going to him. In the pension I 
 can speak French with madame, her daughter, and 
 a charming Norwegian girl who is studying to be a 
 concert-singer. We shall get on famously together. 
 I have several very good letters of introduction 
 — one to a Spaniard who publishes a musical 
 paper here and at whose house many artists meet, 
 one to the Spanish Consul and his wife; and, tho 
 the first days in a strange city are always miserable, 
 I shall soon be hard at work again, and so forget 
 that I have, since coming here, seemed to myself 
 like a body walking around without a soul. Did 
 you feel it with you, dearest ? 
 
 I shall move, on Saturday, to Rue Boccador, 
 No. 4, corner Avenue Montaigne. 
 
 Lovingly, Nell. 
 
148 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 September 26, 1901. 
 
 I am distressed at the delay in the forwarding 
 of my mail from Brussels. I wrote Madame 
 Frere, asking her to send my letters, and all the 
 week I have been expecting them. To-morrow 
 I move to the pension, where I am to have a room 
 on the fifth floor. There is a funny little elevator 
 — just large enough for two — into which one 
 enters, closes the door, presses a button indicating 
 the floor one wishes to stop at, pulls a rope, and 
 up one goes — but oh, so slowly! When you 
 reach your floor you get out, shut the door, pull 
 a rope, and the little thing goes down again. The 
 funny part is, you can go up, but not down, in it. 
 
 Many things over here amuse, and sometimes 
 irritate, me too. For instance, I went, the other 
 day, to a Turkish bath-house, bought my ticket 
 of a woman at the desk, paying for it two francs 
 and a half (fifty cents). I was shown into a little 
 room, where I disrobed, put my sheet about me, 
 and was ushered into a terrifying-looking place — 
 a square room with ceiling about six feet high, 
 and all in stone, barred windows letting in a few 
 rays of light. I, who have been reading so much 
 of late of various prisons and chambers of torture 
 about Paris, could not help a feeling of awe creep- 
 ing over me, especially as the temperature was 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 149 
 
 sufficient (so it seemed) nicely to roast and brown 
 a person in about twenty minutes. The attend- 
 ants had left me, after showing me into this dread- 
 ful place. I stood it until I felt the blood burst- 
 ing out of the top of my head, and then, after 
 quite a search, I found a tap of cold water, with 
 which I cooled and wet my hair. At last I found 
 a bell and called the attendant. I told her I 
 wanted my bath ! She said if she " scrubbed me 
 off with soap and water " it would be one franc 
 and fifty centimes, and if she washed my hair it 
 would be another franc and fifty. I indignantly 
 protested, saying I had already paid 2.50 francs 
 for a bath, and I had had no bath. She replied 
 that the price was 2.50 to come in. Of course, I 
 had to pay the other three francs, but I was very 
 angry. That is the way over here — pay, pay, 
 pay, at every turn. Every one is very kind and 
 polite, but you are expected to pay for it all ; and 
 if you do not, you are snubbed and scowled at. 
 
 The water of Paris is unsafe to drink. Every 
 one drinks wine instead, but I am not accustomed 
 to it, and, besides, I do not like it. At the -pen- 
 sions, hotels, and restaurants the wine is served 
 free at dinner — like water at home. If one wants 
 water, one must buy mineral water. I bought at 
 a drug-store near here a bottle of Vichy water — 
 
I50 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 sixty centimes (about fifteen cents) — the druggist 
 giving me change for a ten-franc gold piece. 
 Yesterday I had my luncheon down-town and 
 near the Louvre, so that I could go easily to the 
 gallery afterward. I gave a five-franc piece to 
 pay for my lunch (2.50 francs), and the clerk said: 
 " Oh, that is Spanish money, and worth only 
 3.50 ! " I had to give them other money. When 
 I came out I could not remember where I got it, 
 but afterward recalled the druggist. I went there, 
 and accused him of giving it to me. He coolly 
 admitted it, and gave me another five-franc piece. 
 Would you not have thought he would have been 
 ashamed — cheating a stranger, or any one else, 
 like that? But he did not tell a lie about it, and 
 that must be set down to his credit. 
 
 I am disappointed in the shops of Paris. I 
 expected to go wild with longing for all the pretty 
 things, but I have not bought five cents worth, 
 nor wished to. 
 
 The celebrated Louvre is just like one of our 
 department stores at home, and not so nice-looking 
 as Wanamaker's, in New York — at least, / think 
 so. The best dressmakers do not display to the 
 public. 
 
 So far, I like Brussels much better than Paris. 
 The shops are certainly more beautiful, and the 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 151 
 
 prices lower. A lady at the ■pension told me that 
 the cost of almost everything is much greater than 
 formerly. She ought to know, as she used to live 
 here, and this is her sixth trip abroad. She lays 
 it all to the " rich Americans." 
 
 The Louvre (entrance free) is wonderful, but 
 so big that, in seeing so much, one sees scarcely 
 anything. It takes an hour and a half of good 
 fast walking merely to go through all the rooms ; 
 and when one thinks how each room is full of 
 priceless paintings, sculpture, jewels, tapestries, 
 carpets, rugs, furniture, antiquities from all nations, 
 etc., one can not expect to see all — in a hurry. 
 I have been twice now, but it is tiresome, as there 
 are not many benches for sitting. I intend mak- 
 ing a point of going regularly — about twice a week. 
 
 There are plenty of buses and steam-trams 
 running in every direction. All of these have 
 seats on top, which are fine for observation and 
 very cheap (fifteen centimes). I got on one to- 
 day at random, and rode more than an hour 
 straight east over the city. I went to the former 
 site of the Bastile, now nothing but a square with 
 a monument rising from it. 
 
 I will write you the first of the week. 
 A world of love to you each. 
 
 Nell. 
 
152 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Paris, October 4. 
 Dearest : — 
 
 I wrote you in detail (on the ad) of the word 
 from Mexico which seemed to make imperative 
 my immediate return. There is nothing here to 
 keep me except my piano work, which is, of 
 course, out of the question now. Without an 
 hour's sleep, I have given two days and nights to 
 anxious study of the situation, and have decided 
 to sail from Antwerp on the steamer Zeeland, Red 
 Star Line, October 12, arriving in New York the 
 lid.. I . go to-morrow to Brussels. Address : 
 No. 209 West Forty-fourth Street, New York. 
 
 This has all come upon me so suddenly that I 
 think I feel as you did when the typhoon struck 
 your ship off the coast of Japan ! Heaven send 
 me as safe a landing ! But still I know that, amid 
 the seeming wreck of things, the same good Provi- 
 dence is taking care of me ! Perhaps the better 
 so by giving me the will — and, I trust, the judg- 
 ment — to take care of myself. I shall do the 
 best I can in the position forced upon me. And 
 / shall see you — you and dear, dear Nonksie ! — 
 before I come back again, which, I hope, will not 
 be long. 
 
 Say a little prayer for Nelly. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 153 
 
 S. S. "Friesland," 
 
 Sunday, July 21, 1902. 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 This is our first rough and unpleasant day. 
 Nearly every one is ill, so I will take advantage 
 of the opportunity to write to you. Since we left 
 New York the weather has been perfect, and at 
 the captain's table we have a congenial little party 
 of six : two well-known portrait-painters (one ac- 
 companied by his wife) of New York ; a young 
 Englishman^ who has a house there for artistic dec- 
 orating ; and a Dutch girl, who is a journalist. 
 
 Miss H , the journalist, makes a specialty of 
 
 art criticism. She is quite young and simply fas- 
 cinating — a perfect child in some ways, with the' 
 keen, clear brain of a man. She keeps us in roars 
 of laughter. We have formed ourselves into what 
 we call "The Modern Laughing and Art Club." 
 In the day we play shuiBeboard, tell stories, talk 
 of art and artists, and in the evenings play chess, 
 dominoes, or other games. 
 
 I sometimes play the piano for them. Mr. 
 
 V , the Belgian artist living in New York, 
 
 has asked permission to paint me for the Paris 
 Salon. In payment for my posing for him, he 
 has agreed to paint a copy for me, and I bind 
 
154 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 myself not to let any other artist paint me. Miss 
 
 H is the only woman journalist in Holland, 
 
 and she has been in New York for three months. 
 Her impressions of our country are very interest- 
 ing. In every part of the world she has passes 
 to all theaters and concert-halls. At table we 
 speak only French. 
 
 ***** 
 
 This is our eighth day out. We shall arrive 
 day after to-morrow. I wrote you at some length 
 the last thing before leaving. Certainly Provi- 
 dence has taken care of me and success has at- 
 tended me since I crossed, nine months ago. Now 
 I mean to see what is in me. Some things are 
 more in my favor than when I first went to Eu- 
 rope, for I have now good friends there, some 
 places that are like home to me, and I have suffi- 
 cient means to live comfortably and to study art 
 as long as I shall find pleasure in it (which surely 
 will be as long as life lasts). Above all, and better 
 than all, / have health. I shall spend a few days 
 in Brussels with Madame Frere, and then go on 
 to Paris and get hard to work at once. 
 
 I am all alone in my stateroom and very com- 
 fortable, excepting that to-day, on account of the 
 storm, the port-hole has to be closed and the air 
 is stuffy. There are but few passengers. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 155 
 
 Good-by, my dearest. You must not feel 
 that you are alone, even if I am so far away, for 
 always I am with you in spirit, and you know you 
 can always count on me, whatever comes. I will 
 write you from Antwerp. 
 With best love to each. 
 
 Yours, 
 
 Nelly. 
 
156 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Antwerp, 39 Rue Peter Benoit, 
 
 July 24, 1902. 
 My Dearest: — 
 
 I posted you a letter from Flushing. We ar- 
 rived here at 8 p.m. Tuesday evening. It was 
 raining, but Mrs. F had kindly sent a car- 
 riage for me and a cordial invitation to pass a few 
 days with them. I received a hearty welcome 
 from all. 
 
 Yesterday morning we went to the picture 
 museum, where our little crowd from the ship 
 had arranged to meet. I found it interesting and 
 instructive — viewing the pictures by the side of 
 artists. I do not yet know a good picture from 
 a bad one, but I hope to learn. It is in painting 
 as in music — unless one has studied music one can 
 not know good from bad. How often it hap- 
 pens that critics are not competent judges. Miss 
 
 H , the little Dutch girl, the art critic, of 
 
 whom I wrote you, was yesterday standing before 
 a certain painting. She said : " I do not like it ! " 
 
 Mr. B , the celebrated portrait-painter, 
 
 said: "Why?" 
 
 She answered : "It does not appeal to me. I 
 feel nothing for it." 
 
 " My dear young lady," reproved Mr. B , 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 157 
 
 "it is not a question of what you '■feeV for a pic- 
 ture, but of what you know about it." 
 
 Mr. V has asked permission to present 
 
 me with a painting of violets (his own work) for 
 my room in Paris. Is he not kind ? You may 
 
 be sure I accepted. Mr. V is one of the 
 
 first Belgian artists of the day. 
 
 I remain here until Monday, when I go to 
 Madame Frere's, in Brussels. It will seem quite 
 like home there, and I shall stay, perhaps, a week. 
 Madame Frere is such a dear ! You remember 
 how she took me in her motherly embrace, weep- 
 ing, when I left, last year, and during the months 
 of absence what fond and beautiful letters she 
 wrote to me. You may continue addressing me 
 there until you know where I am to settle in Paris. 
 
 Yesterday we went to the Zoological Gardens. 
 They have the largest and finest collection of ani- 
 mals in the world. The garden is also very beau- 
 tiful. There was a good military band playing, 
 and after we had walked all about we sat on the 
 
 veranda and drank tea. Mrs. F , Constant, 
 
 and I went together. She is very kind to me — 
 often as tender as tho I were hers instead of 
 yours. It is nice to be here again, but I am rest- 
 less, and anxious to get to work. 
 
 Always your Nell. 
 
158 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 50, Rue du Monastere, 
 
 Brussels, August i. 
 My dear, dear. Dearest : — 
 
 I came here to Madame Frere's on Monday, 
 and found awaiting me your dear letter of July 9. 
 It is too bad that you felt so lonely when you 
 were writing. I can sympathize with that feeling, 
 because I have often had it — the desolation of a 
 lost dog ! I suppose every one suffers so at 
 times, but it is a dreadful sensation. Still, my 
 dearest, you must not feel alone, because, as I 
 always tell you, you can count on me ! Tho I am 
 far away, you are a part of all my thoughts — of 
 all my inmost life. 
 
 It is very cold here, and I am half frozen all 
 the time. Shall be glad to get to Paris, where, I 
 hope, it will be warmer. I think I even prefer 
 the heat of New York to this out-of-season cold. 
 
 I received here a notice from the New York 
 post-office of a registered package. I could not 
 imagine what it was, but your letter explains it is 
 for my birthday. How kind and sweet of you, 
 dearest, to send me the amber things ! And how 
 I shall love them and be proud to wear them ! I 
 am writing to the post-office to deliver package to 
 Mr. C , and I shall ask him to call for it and 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 159 
 
 forward to Paris when I am settled there. Miss 
 
 M is not in New York now, or she would 
 
 attend to it for me. 
 
 Thank Nonksie for his letter to me. I shall 
 certainly follow his advice. Explain to him, 
 please, that my reason for going to Paris instead 
 of Vienna is, as I wrote you, that I may live with 
 
 Miss M . She does not like Vienna, and I 
 
 can study as well in Paris as anywhere. Besides, 
 it is a more cheerful city to live in. I did not 
 like it last year, but that is not to say that Paris 
 is not delightful. I saw it under the worst cir- 
 cumstances. This year I hope to get on better. 
 
 Miss M can not come before October. I 
 
 am very fond of her. I am surprised that when 
 you wrote you had not received my letter acknowl- 
 edging the receipt of your beautiful gift of the 
 gold spoons, cake-knife, and the lovely silk lin- 
 gerie made by your own hands. I love them all 
 very much, and wrote as soon as I received them 
 (the day before sailing). 
 
 Brussels is as beautiful as ever, or would be if 
 the sun would show his smiling face ! 
 
 Madame Frere gave me a motherly welcome. 
 To-day it rains — rains. We were going for a 
 drive, but I do not know now what we can do. 
 The Art Gallery closes at 5 p.m. 
 
i6o YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 I shall go to Paris next week. Thank Nonk- 
 sie again for his dear letter, and assure him that 
 I am going to do the very things he wishes, and 
 that Providence is going to help me. 
 With very best love to each, 
 
 Your 
 
 Nelly. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL i6i 
 
 Brussels, August 6. 
 
 1 have two letters ot yours to answer, of the 
 17th and 22d — the latter received yesterday. 
 
 I am glad that you and Nonksie feel as I do 
 
 about my attitude toward . He is a 
 
 gentleman in every way. In fact, I never met 
 any one so refined and delicate as he, and so 
 thoughtful and kind; but he has gone through 
 great troubles, and their shadow will, I fear, 
 always be over him. I, who have had my share 
 of sorrow and many a fight to keep my spirits up, 
 need some one (if ever I need any one) full of 
 hope and animation. I am very well off as it is. 
 I am not now, as I was two years ago, a lonely, 
 frightened creature, starting out alone in the world 
 and shrinking almost from my own shadow, but 
 a self-reliant woman, who commands respect and 
 makes friends in every direction — friends, too, 
 among the very best; and they always remain my 
 friends. Mr. is satisfied, or, at least, ac- 
 cepts my decision to remain as I am for some 
 years and to develop myself — not only in piano- 
 playing, but in every direction. I tell him I feel 
 I never before had a chance to broaden out. In 
 Wien I was too miserable and worried. Now I 
 mean to see what is in me. 
 
i62 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 On the 13th I leave for Paris. There I shall 
 present my letter of introduction to Mr. Toledo, 
 who is, I am assured, prominent among musical 
 artists there, and see what the prospects for good 
 study are. I think I wrote you last week that 
 Mr. Swain, with whom I intended to study, is 
 not there any longer. Since then I have been 
 hesitating whether or not to go to Vienna, where 
 
 my good friend Scottie (Miss S ) is, but now 
 
 I have decided to go first, anyway, to Paris. It 
 will be but a trifle more by way of expense to do 
 so, and then I can look about and remain if I 
 think best. I prefer Paris on account of my 
 French (which needs a good deal of polishing), 
 
 but I am sure Miss M would go to Wien, 
 
 if I were there, instead of to Paris. 
 
 Mr. V , the artist of whom I wrote you, 
 
 called yesterday, and introduced me to his father, 
 who is also an artist ( Professor at the Royal 
 Academy of Belgium), and eighty-three years old. 
 
 His mother is the same age. Mr. V , senior, 
 
 is a distinguished-looking man, straight as the 
 proverbial arrow, and bright and jolly as a boy. 
 He and his wife are soon to celebrate their 
 sixtieth wedding anniversary ! They live in 
 Edeghen, a province of Antwerp. To-day a big 
 box of flowers came to me from their country 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 163 
 
 home — such wonderful roses, and so fragrant. 
 The house is sweet with them. Was it not kind 
 of the dear old people ! Every one is good to me. 
 
 Mr. V , the younger, is also a delightful 
 
 man. As Mr. B , another New York artist, 
 
 said of him on the ship, " He has all the polish 
 of a European and the solidity of an American." 
 He has lived fourteen years in the United States, 
 and has quite a reputation in New York and in 
 Paris as a portrait-painter. It is he who is to 
 paint my portrait for the Salon, but not until next 
 year, as he returns to New York next month. 
 
 I enclose a photo taken in the F 's garden 
 
 at a dinner they gave to their family doctor and 
 his children. It is not good of any of us, the 
 sun would shut our eyes ; but it gives you an 
 idea of the group, and allows a peep at the 
 grounds, which are lovely. 
 
 This is a long letter, but never too long, I 
 know, since you are always, as you say, searching 
 every little corner and margin of my letters with 
 an Oliverian cry for " more." 
 
 Thank dear Nonksie for his sweet messages, 
 and give him my love. With much for yourself, 
 Always yours, 
 
 Nell. 
 
i64 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Paris, August 14, 1902. 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 I arrived here yesterday at 6 p.m., and came at 
 once to this boardirig-house (Rue Lord Byron), 
 as I had a card of introduction to the landlady. 
 She seems a kindly disposed little woman, but 
 the house and furniture are old. However, I 
 have decided to remain here until I look about. 
 I have unpacked my valises. The sight of my 
 own familiar little things always comforts me. 
 They are like loving, faithful little friends. And, 
 after all, there is no place like home — like Amer- 
 ica, I mean. I am going to-day to present my 
 letter to Mr. Toledo, and to learn how he prom- 
 ises to treat me. I think you know that he is the 
 editor of a musical magazine, and at his house, so 
 
 Mr. C says, one has a chance of meeting all 
 
 the great musicians of the world. I shall make 
 an effort to find Mr. Swain. Am going to the 
 American Minister and Consul. They may be 
 able to tell me. 
 
 Later. — I am back from my interview with 
 Mr. Toledo. He was very kind. He recom- 
 mends Moszkowski. He is a great artist as well 
 as composer. Mr. Toledo says he will introduce 
 me to all the great artists in the season. He 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 165 
 
 showed me the beautiful concert-hall in their store 
 (they sell ^olian and Steinway pianos). The 
 hall is already engaged for one hundred and fifty 
 concerts, to which Mr. Toledo will perhaps give 
 
 me tickets. Mr. C thought he would. I 
 
 told him I wished to live comfortably, but cheaply. 
 He agreed with me that a select private family 
 would suit me better than a boarding-house — at 
 which there are always Americans and, conse- 
 quently, high prices. Besides, I wish to hear 
 only French. Mr. Toledo will get some ad- 
 dresses for me, and Saturday he will go about 
 with me to see what we can find. With such 
 prospects, I think I would better decide to remain 
 here. I am so anxious to get settled and to work ! 
 
 In \K\% pension there are some interesting mu- 
 sical people — two opera-singers (gentlemen), and 
 a lady singing-teacher from Boston. 
 
 I enclose some photos taken on the steamer 
 between Vera Cruz and New York, and between 
 New York and Antwerp. Continue for the pres- 
 ent addressing my letters to Brussels. With very 
 much love, and hoping all is well with you. 
 Your affectionate 
 
 Nell. 
 
1 66 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 August 1 6. 
 
 I had a great experience yesterday. After d'e- 
 jeuner I decided to visit the Musee de Luxem- 
 bourg, to see some of the paintings of which I 
 have read so much. The landlady informed me 
 that I must take the bus at the Etoile and trans- 
 fer at the Palais Royal. I got safely to the latter 
 place, and waited and waited for a bus saying 
 " Luxembourg " on it. Finally, becoming dis- 
 couraged, I went into the little bus-stand and 
 made inquiries. 
 
 " Yes," the man informed me, " the Luxem- 
 bourg bus passes this way." 
 
 He gave me a little ticket with a number on it. 
 Again I waited. I read in vain the many signs 
 on the passing buses. At last I went again to 
 consult the man in the little house. He said : 
 
 " The bus has passed a dozen times. It does 
 not say ' Luxembourg.' There it is now ! " 
 
 I flew out as a yellow bus pulled up. I 
 jumped on the steps and darted inside, determined 
 not to be left. The conductor yelled at me, and 
 came, screaming, inside, and tried to put me out 
 by force. It seems I should have waited my 
 turn. But I stuck to my position with true 
 American spirit. By that time the attention of 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 167 
 
 every one in the bus was attracted to me, and 
 some man observed that I held a transfer in my 
 hand. He and all his family (Jews) began in loud 
 tones to inform me that it was a matter of life 
 and death that I give that transfer up to some in- 
 spector standing outside. As I did not understand, 
 the Jew seized my ticket, tore out, and gave it 
 away to somebody. At last we were off to the 
 Musee ! After much bumping around inside the 
 bus, and many windings in and out streets, we 
 arrived. 
 
 And I found the Musee closed, out of respect 
 to the " Assumption of the Virgin ! " 
 Your loving 
 
 Nell. 
 
1 68 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Paris, August 24. 
 
 I fear that my letter this week is a little late. 
 I intended to get it off for yesterday's steamer, 
 but was not feeling well. 
 
 As I am not settled, I have no piano, and, in 
 consequence, plenty of leisure, which I have em- 
 ployed in studying French. The people here in 
 the house have been very good to me. Two 
 American ladies are friends of a friend of mine in 
 Mexico. They got up a little concert last night 
 in the parlor in celebration of my birthday. Mr. 
 Redzewski, a Russian opera-singer,* sang some 
 big arias in a wonderful way. He is a great art- 
 ist, first barytone in the Imperial Theater of St. 
 Petersburg, and has received medals and decora- 
 tions from the Czar and Czarina. His art seems 
 to be all his life. He has been here in Paris 
 three months, and during that time, they say in 
 the house here, he has never been out a single 
 evening. He studies and works all day. He 
 takes a lesson each day with a great teacher here, 
 and the other day he was kind enough to invite 
 me to go with him to his lesson. It was a reve- 
 lation to me! The master. La Salle, has a great 
 name as artist and teacher, and I am sure he de- 
 
 * The " barytone " referred to in Introduction, 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 169 
 
 serves it. The lesson lasted over an hour, begin- 
 ning with simple exercises, and ending with the 
 big barytone arias in " Damon," an opera by 
 Rubenstein, with which they open the season in 
 St. Petersburg two weeks from now, Mr. Red- 
 zewski taking the part of Damon. He left this 
 morning. Also last night a young American 
 tenor, who has been four years studying here, and 
 who is to make his debut in New York this win- 
 ter in grand opera, sang. (That sentence is quite 
 German in construction.) I played all the ac- 
 companiments. I am going to move from here 
 to-morrow. I found a tolerable room, with 
 board, at eight francs a day (^1.60). That price 
 does not include light or heat, I wanted to get 
 something cheaper, but could not in a clean and 
 decent locality. I will not give you the new ad- 
 dress until I have been there a week and know if 
 I can remain or not. 
 
 I am full of fine resolves about what I am to 
 accomplish. I shall work more with my head 
 and less physically than I used at the piano — and 
 in everything. I am also going to take singing 
 lessons for a month or so with this great master. 
 La Salle, until I see if it will be worth while for 
 me to make the sacrifices it would be necessary 
 for me to make in order to afford it. Fortunately 
 
I70 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 I have passed that period of life where I long to 
 buy the pretty things I see in shop windows. 
 There was a time when the beautiful things I 
 could not have used to give me a fever. Now, 
 for instance, since arriving in Europe I have not 
 spent anything except for board and my trip from 
 Brussels here (twenty-five francs). I shall take 
 two French lessons a week (two francs a lesson), 
 read only French books and newspapers, and talk 
 as much as I can. I want to make a special study 
 of French literature. I am told there are very 
 good free lectures given on that subject. 
 
 I am satisfied now that I chose Paris instead 
 of Vienna. I believe I am in the right place. I 
 am by nature and habit slow and heavy in thought 
 and speech — always looking at everything too 
 seriously. Here one breathes a lighter, gayer 
 atmosphere, and the beauty and art surrounding 
 one in every direction makes one feel happy and 
 more satisfied with life. It is a sweet thought 
 that the spirit of man is the only real part, and it 
 is the spirit which produces all works of art. 
 
 Paris is marvelously laid out. Take, for in- 
 stance, the Champs-Elysees, which is a broad 
 avenue a mile long. The whole distance is a 
 gentle ascent, and at the top stands the great 
 triumphal arch. One from the arch can look in 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 171 
 
 one direction straight down the Champs-Elysees 
 and on to the big Place de la Concorde, where 
 the guillotine used to be ; straight beyond that is 
 the Garden of the Tuilleries, and then another 
 smaller arch, and there stands the palace of the 
 Louvre ! But the impressive part of all this is 
 that it is in an open, straight line, and can all be 
 seen in one glance. Another wonderful vista is 
 looking down the broad Avenue de 1' Opera, at 
 the end of which stands the Grand Opera House, 
 probably the most beautiful building in the world. 
 Then, all about, everywhere, one sees beautiful 
 statues, fountains — works of art of every descrip- 
 tion. I will send you some photos, which will, 
 however, only give you a faint idea of it all. 
 
 Mr. V is to be in Paris some time this 
 
 week, and he has invited me to go with him and a 
 small party of his " intimates " to Fontainebleau, 
 where Rousseau and Millet and many great paint- 
 ers used to live. 
 
 I enclose a letter from Miss H . She is a 
 
 delightful child. The story which she speaks of 
 writing is of a little boy who was always dreaming 
 beautiful things. One day he, with great labor, 
 climbed upon the wall which surrounded his 
 house. In the distance he saw a white and mar- 
 velously shining city. He longed so to reach it. 
 
172 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 He tried to go, but fell, and every time he tried 
 he fell again, until at last he knew he must learn 
 to fly before he could reach it. This is as far as 
 she had written when she told me of it on the 
 steamer. It is symbolic of the struggles one has 
 in becoming an artist. The spirit must first learn 
 to spread its wings. 
 
 This is a rainy Sunday afternoon, and I would 
 like to write on and on to you, and if to you, of 
 course to Nonksie, but this letter is far too long 
 already, I fear. 
 
 With a thousand tender thoughts and a solici- 
 tude that never ceases, I am always 
 Lovingly yours, 
 
 Nell. 
 
 P.S. — I expect to lead a quiet, simple life, as I 
 have always done. I shall work hard over my 
 piano and try to get on in French. These last 
 few days I have practised well. I have also 
 been memorizing some music according to the 
 way taught in Vienna — that is, away from the 
 piano. I find it works very well. Yesterday I 
 memorized two pages in about an hour, and this 
 evening another page in a few minutes. In 
 Vienna I could not do it at all. It requires a calm 
 and collected mind. N. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 173 
 
 No. II, Avenue de la Grande Arm£e, 
 
 Paris, September i, 1902. 
 My Dearest: — 
 
 I wrote you a week ago, and since then have had 
 no word from you. I moved to this boarding- 
 house a week ago to-morrow. I have had the 
 misfortune to lose my keys — five of them. I can 
 not imagine how it happened. Some of the ladies 
 in the house lent me their keys, with which I got 
 into one trunk and one valise. It is very an- 
 noying. 
 
 I expect Miss M next month, tho she 
 
 writes she may be delayed a little longer. I have 
 given up the idea of renting an apartment and just 
 we two having our own little home, as we have 
 planned to have, for I find it will be far more ex- 
 pensive than living in a pension. I shall remain 
 here, I think. I have a comfortable room with a 
 couch in it, instead of a bed, and a screen in front 
 of the wash-stand. I have put my drapes about, 
 and my little pretty things here and there, so it 
 looks quite homelike. I pay eight francs a day, 
 and that does not include light or heat. The 
 table is not anything extra, and the street is in- 
 tolerably noisy. 
 
174 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Since I came here I have been out one evening 
 
 with Mr. G , the tall man in the group I sent 
 
 you from the ship, and his mother and sister. 
 We went to several Boulevard cafes and watched 
 the crowds — every phase of human life, from the 
 rich society people to the crooked old man with 
 a stick with bent pins in the end of it, who came 
 about reaching under tables for stumps of cigars. 
 Then there were several street performers, acro- 
 bats, etc. Later we went to the Jardin Paris. It 
 is a garden where a band plays. At one side is a 
 stage where a variety performance is given while 
 people promenade around the garden. The place 
 is full of demi-mondaines. I never saw so many 
 beautiful women and lovely gowns. Some of 
 them danced the cancan, which is simply a vulgar 
 display of tights. It is a place, you understand, 
 where all Americans and tourists go ; it is one of 
 the sights. We stayed about half an hour, which 
 was quite too long, and I certainly shall never 
 go again. Things of that sort make me sick of 
 life. 
 
 This is our dear, dear tryst-day! For eleven 
 years now we have set it apart from all other days 
 as sacred to each other — have we not, my dearest ? 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 175 
 
 — and I think that even in Paradise I should feel 
 sad if I could not write to you on the ist of every 
 month. 
 
 To-morrow we go to Fontainebleau. 
 
 Will tell you all about it afterward. 
 
 Nelly. 
 
176 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 No. II, Avenue de la Grande Armee, 
 
 Paris, September 7, 1902. 
 Dearest : — 
 
 Your long and loving letter of the 1 5th reached 
 me a few days ago. How dear it is! 
 
 This last week I have been very gay. As I 
 wrote you was our intention, we went on Monday 
 to Barbizon, a quaint little town with only one 
 street running through it, and into the great and 
 beautiful forest of Fontainebleau. This town is 
 where Millet and Rousseau and many great art- 
 ists worked and lived. Mr. V used also to 
 
 live there, but everything is changed since then. 
 The artists are gone away, because too many city 
 folk came there, destroying the quiet so essential 
 to best work. 
 
 We drove through the forest to Fontainebleau, 
 where we went through the Palais. There is no 
 use trying to describe it, because it is indescribable 
 — room after room of the rarest and most sumptu- 
 ous furniture the world has ever seen, and all full 
 of historical reminiscences. We saw the table on 
 which Napoleon signed his abdication; the room 
 where Josephine's sentence of divorce was passed; 
 the apartment where Louis XIII. was born; the 
 chapel where Louis XX. was married, etc. — all 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 177 
 
 doubly interesting to me because, in the dear 
 sweet evenings long ago (if we " count time by 
 heart-throbs") Nonksie used to read and talk 
 to us of all those epochs of history. And Nonk- 
 sie knew just how to put things so we could never 
 forget. He was my Encyclopedia (give that book 
 a good hug for me right here, and one hundred 
 loving kisses!). 
 
 But to resume. Tuesday we went, by boat, 
 down the Seine to St. Cloud. The gardens there 
 are splendid, and the view over Paris magnifi- 
 cent. The Palais was destroyed in 1870 by the 
 Germans. 
 
 Thursday afternoon I went to the Luxembourg 
 Museum. I enjoy it more than the Louvre be- 
 cause the paintings are modern, and I can under- 
 stand them better. The best works of living 
 painters are in the Luxembourg. After the death 
 of an artist his pictures go to the Louvre. At 
 the gallery I met Mr. R , a New York law- 
 yer who came over on my ship. He knows Mr. 
 
 P and Mr. C . He was pleased to see 
 
 me, and invited me to go to Versailles with him 
 on Sunday (yesterday) afternoon on the four-in- 
 hand coach from his hotel. There were six of us 
 in his party, and we left at 1 1 a.m. 
 
 The drive was ideal. Up the Champs-Elysees, 
 
178 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 through the Bois de Boulogne, and on through 
 charming little towns and the lovely country, 
 reaching Versailles at one o'clock. Our guide 
 took us first to the Grand Trianon. It is a 
 one-story building, horseshoe shaped, and of pink 
 marble. It was built by Louis XIV. for his mis- 
 tress, Madame Maintenant ; afterward it was oc- 
 cupied by Madame Antoinette, and, later, by 
 Napoleon. The rooms and furniture are beauti- 
 ful and interesting. 
 
 After dinner the guide took us through the 
 Palace — or, at least, through some of the rooms. 
 There is no furniture, but only paintings. I in- 
 tend to go often, since one can learn there, in a 
 vivid way, the history of France, as many paint- 
 ings are of battles and different historical scenes, 
 kings, queens, etc. 
 
 We saw the secret door by which Marie An- 
 toinette escaped when that awful mob came out 
 from Paris. At four o'clock the fountains in the 
 garden all began to play. They play once a 
 month in summer. There are one hundred and 
 fifty of them, and it costs ten thousand francs to 
 play them an hour ! Immense crowds always 
 come to see them. It was a beautiful sight. 
 
 We left at five o'clock. The drive home — a 
 different route — was delightful, and altogether the 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 179 
 
 day was one of the pleasantest of my life. Mr, 
 R leaves to-day for London. 
 
 Mr. Toledo helped me choose a piano on Sat- 
 urday. It is a very good one, and very cheap 
 too, I think — fifteen francs per month. It has 
 just come, and I intend now to bsgin serious 
 work. I shall not be so gay any more, as all my 
 friends are gone. To-morrow I begin French 
 lessons. 
 
 I hear often from Mr. Redzewski, the Russian. 
 He is greatly pleased and excited because he has 
 sung with great success before the Opera director 
 and the Czar and Court, and because the govern- 
 ment is going to give him money to travel and 
 study for a year. He will be again in Paris by 
 the end of the month. 
 
 This is a long letter, but I could go on for 
 hours, I have so much to say. You will see by 
 the enclosed what a dear girl Scottie is. 
 I am always lovingly, 
 
 Nelly. 
 
i8o YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Paris, September 14. 
 My dear, dear. Dearest : — 
 
 I have just received your loving letter begun 
 on my birthday and finished afterward. I thank 
 you for the little remembrance, but, indeed, your 
 love is, after all, the very best and sweetest gift 
 you could send me. 
 
 I have begun my work, and have practised hard 
 this last week. Have been memorizing music 
 away from the piano, as they require in Vienna, 
 and I am delighted to find / can do it ! I learned, 
 that way, two pages each day of Schumann's " Car- 
 nival." After one works in that way for some 
 time the mind becomes trained, and. one gets on 
 rapidly. 
 
 I make it a point to go to see something beauti- 
 ful every afternoon. That keeps me happy. I 
 go often to the Louvre. 
 
 Mr. Redzewski, the Russian opera-singer, is 
 coming back in two weeks. He is a big man of 
 six feet, weighing 200, and is twenty-eight years 
 old. His heart and character seem broad and 
 poetic. I believe some people are created with a 
 talent for feeling, as others are given the gift of 
 speech, or color, or sound. I know, when I have 
 heard him sing some of his big roles, I have felt 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL i8i 
 
 myself in the presence of a giant spirit — a creature 
 capable of unutterable feeling ! I must be careful. 
 Passionate men like that are dangerous. I do 
 not mean that there is any danger of my losing 
 my head over him or any one, but he might become 
 desperate over me; for he seems to have fallen 
 madly in love with me. I have received some 
 very beautiful letters from him — always in French, 
 as he knows nothing of English. 
 
 All my silly affairs are very little, I know, beside 
 your great and increasingly overwhelming sorrow, 
 but I know you like to hear all about me. 
 
 With very fond and sincere love, 
 I am always your 
 
 Nell. 
 
i82 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 September 22, 1902. 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 It seems to me that the weeks come around 
 too quickly. This last week I have not done any- 
 thing in particular. I have practised a good deal, 
 been twice to the Louvre to look at pictures, 
 lounged around, and read books on art. 
 
 I have your loving tryst-letter, and by this 
 time you have mine. I am sorry you are to lose 
 Mori. He has been with you for so many years 
 — always faithful, and so good to darling Nonksie ! 
 But you will do the best you can, and the Provi- 
 dence that is taking care of me will surely help 
 my dearest. 
 
 Mr. Redzewski, the Russian, is coming the end 
 of the week. In a way, I am sorry he is to be in 
 Paris this winter. I can see by his letters that he 
 intends to take up as much of my time as possible. 
 I shall take a firm stand, and keep him at a dis- 
 tance. I wrote him that I am here to study seri- 
 ously, and that I shall be unable to see him, or 
 any one, often. I shall tell the servants that I 
 am not at home to him. Once in a while I may 
 go out with him, for, between you and me, dear- 
 est, I feel afraid to offend him seriously. He 
 wanted to come to live in the same pension with 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 183 
 
 me. I wrote him if he did it would be against 
 my wishes, and if he came (I have an idea that he 
 thinks a woman's wishes are of no account) that 
 he would put me to the trouble of moving out. 
 
 I think I am sufficiently up vn my practise to 
 begin my lessons next week, f do hope Mosz- 
 kowski will like me and be kind to me. I believe 
 that he will, because he will see that I am in 
 earnest. My technique is improving all the time, 
 and I feel well and strong. I am determined to 
 succeed. 
 
 With all kinds of best wishes. 
 
 Your loving 
 
 Nell. 
 
1 84 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 No. II, Avenue de la Grande Arm^e, 
 
 Paris, October i, 1902. 
 Dearest : — 
 
 We are having the most awful weather, rainy 
 and cold, and I have just contracted my first win- 
 ter cold, which makes me feel miserable indeed. 
 My room is chill and dreary. It faces the north. 
 Had I known it before I came, I would never 
 have taken it. The landlady assured me it was a 
 warm room, and that it had the sun in the after- 
 noons. As a matter of fact, when the sun shines, 
 which is not often at this season of the year, it 
 just comes in three-eighths of an inch and stays 
 four minutes. If it were not such a terrible 
 trouble, I should certainly try to find something 
 more satisfactory. The question of heating is go- 
 ing to be a great problem. I thought of getting 
 a little petroleum-stove, but petroleum is absurd- 
 ly dear. There is a tax on it when it enters the 
 city, and it is two francs (forty cents) a gallon. 
 To-day I have had them make a coal fire in my 
 grate, but it does not seem to give out any heat, 
 and they ask thirty cents for a small bucket of 
 
 coal. I shall go to consult Mr. T about it ; 
 
 he always seems to know the best thing to do. 
 One has not many comforts or conveniences over 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 185 
 
 here. For instance, one does not find any bureau 
 in a furnished room. There are two wardrobes, 
 one with hooks and one with shelves. I keep my 
 steamer trunk under the large table and my hat- 
 boxes under the small tea-table. In spite of the 
 million and one things in it, my room looks quite 
 " Americanish ! " 
 
 I had quite a satisfactory letter from Mr. 
 
 B a few days ago. He thinks — now that my 
 
 property is entirely by itself, as to electric lights 
 and water service — that he will have no more 
 trouble, and that expenses will be small. 
 
 Of course, all Paris is much excited over Zola's 
 peculiar death. Some people think it was suicide, 
 but it was really a choked-up chimney, which 
 allowed his room to fill with gas. 
 
 My fire will not burn, and I feel so stupid 
 from my cold that I will not try to write more 
 to-day. 
 
 With much love, as usual. 
 
 Yours, 
 
 Nell. 
 
1 86 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 October lo, 1902, 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 I wrote you a week ago, but I believe it was 
 not much of a letter, I was feeling so ill from a 
 cold. Now I am all over it, the weather has 
 turned warm, and life seems worth living again ! 
 Yes, I know what you will ask, so I answer now: 
 Yes, I am ! and good American ones, too ! Kiss 
 me, now, because I am reformed. 
 
 The Russian arrived, and his card came up to 
 me almost immediately; but he has been very 
 well-behaved. We have been once to the theater ; 
 but I do not like to be bothered to go about, espe- 
 cially when I want to be working. 
 
 Madame G and I were last night talking 
 
 over the music and plot of an opera called 
 " Louise." The leading part is taken by an 
 American girl, a Miss Garden. She is a very 
 good artist. The opera depicts life here in Paris 
 in a quarter called Montmartre, where working 
 
 people and artists live. I asked Madame G 
 
 why, when the artist sincerely loved the girl, he 
 did not marry her? She assured me that it is 
 not the custom here among artists to marry. 
 They " fall in love " with a girl, and live with 
 her, and are faithful to her for years and years, 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 187 
 
 and often for a lifetime, but marriage is never 
 thought of. And the strange part (to me, as an 
 American) is, that the couples living in that way 
 are sometimes respected. 
 
 Well, give me " The Land of the Free " (in a 
 loftier sense) and the " Home of the Brave " for- 
 ever! 
 
 ***** 
 
 Yes, I am sure Scottie loves me, and I love 
 her, too, dearly. We were always together dur- 
 ing the nine months I was in Vienna, and we 
 never had a moment's friction or anything ap- 
 proaching it. We were always happy together. 
 
 Tell Nonksie that I will not disappoint him. 
 
 I have played for Moszkowski ! He has such 
 a great reputation that I expected to see a big 
 man; but he is a wisp-of-a-man, with faded, 
 straw-colored hair. He was very kind. He said 
 I had a good touch, but he judged I had not 
 played very much Bach. (It is true !) 
 
 Oh, to think I must now wear my soul out over 
 Bach fugues when I want to be playing Chopin ! 
 He told me to prepare a Tocatto, by Czerney, 
 and the 5th Bach fugue for my Tuesday's lesson. 
 The Tocatto is an awful thing — thirds and sixths 
 in the right hand, with trills and octaves in the 
 left. I am working like ten little Austrian dogs. 
 
i88 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 and I try to keep as resigned a smile on my face 
 as they always wear, no matter how heavy their 
 load ; but I will admit, just to Dearest, that I find 
 it rather hard sometimes, and no doubt my fore- 
 head gets into many a pucker, such as she used 
 to smoothe away with the kisses I long for now. 
 
 I wish I could write you in short-hand — I have 
 so much to say. But I must get to work. And 
 I am prepared to work now as never before. In 
 Vienna my poor old brain used often to be in a 
 fog. Now it is not exactly scintillating, but it 
 will wake up once in a while and condescend to 
 learn a few notes of music. You know, I study 
 all my music away from the piano. I look well 
 at the notes, then shut my eyes and say them 
 aloud. Then I think them several times. Then 
 I go and play them. One learns quickly in that 
 way. As Leschetiszki used to say: "Three- 
 fourths of the technique is in the brain, and only 
 one-fourth in the fingers." I begin now to see 
 that that is literally true. 
 
 Miss M is to arrive at the end of this 
 
 month. I do not know if she will come here, or 
 if I shall go somewhere with her. 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 189 
 
 Paris, October 18, 1902. 
 
 I am quite ready to cry ! I was sitting here 
 thinking of you and Nonksie and saying to my- 
 self, " The ad of next month is Dearest's birth- 
 day," when suddenly it flashed over me " This is 
 October !" I felt as if I had been shot. 
 
 For months I have been thinking of your 
 birthday, and planning to send you something 
 lovely — with a fat letter for that special occasion. 
 Oh, dear ! I do feel so bad ! But my dearest 
 loves me, and she will forgive me because she 
 knows I love her awfully hard. Just to think, 
 I wrote you on your birthday and never realized 
 what day it was ! I have been thinking of it so 
 long, too, and always kept saying, " It is a long 
 time yet." And when the day was here I never 
 knew it ! Oh, oh, dear ! Please accept a million 
 kisses with my very, very dearest love and con- 
 gratulations, and believe me 
 
 Your sorry little girl, 
 
 Nellv. 
 
 I enclose a little kerchief. 
 
I90 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Paris, October 19, 1902. 
 
 I sent you a teary little letter yesterday. 
 
 I have been working very hard this last week. 
 On Tuesday I had my lesson with Moszkowski. 
 He was very kind and gentle. I am sure I shall 
 make rapid progress under his influence. It is 
 inspiration. The people here in the house de- 
 clare that I practise ten hours a day, but I do not. 
 If I do not succeed it shall not be for lack of try- 
 ing. But I am sure to succeed. It is the only 
 thing I really desire in the world. 
 
 I have been studying the history of France of 
 the nineteenth century. I bought a history in 
 French, on purpose, the other day. It is good 
 practise, outside of the information acquired. 
 
 There is a young Englishman living here in 
 the house — an Oxford man, and extremely clever, 
 but with the weirdest ideas. He really says 
 extraordinary things in a most extraordinary way. 
 He is familiar with all the great writers and his- 
 torians, and has a thousand illustrations to prove 
 any ridiculous theory he starts in on. He is 
 much too clever for me. For instance, at table 
 last night he said : " A state of nothingness is the 
 ideal condition. The Narcissus, hanging over the 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL igr 
 
 turbulent current in which it is reflected, leads an 
 ideal existence." 
 
 " Oh, now ! " I said. " In the first place, a 
 ' turbulent torrent ' does not reflect ; and, in the 
 second, if the Narcissus is happy because it is re- 
 flected, it reveals a spirit of vanity which is not a 
 condition of emptiness." 
 
 He answered : " I said ' turbulent torrent ' be- 
 cause I wished to convey the idea of not one but 
 a thousand impressions of the Narcissus buried in 
 the bosom of the water, caressingly cherished, and 
 carried by the flowing river far, far out to sea." 
 
 " But," I said, " a reflection endures but in the 
 presence of the image reflected." 
 
 "Ah ! How do we know that? I hold that 
 an image endures, like a thought, forever." 
 
 " But," I inquired, " was not Narcissus and the 
 flower that bears his name in some way associated 
 with a fountain rather than with a river? And 
 what a vain, inglorious fellow he was, even tho the 
 son of a god, to die for very love of himself I 
 Oh ! " Mr. Englishman laughed over my " Oh J " 
 
 ' You are severe on poor Narcissus," he re- 
 proved, mildly. " But to go back to the image 
 that endures. It is well known that we of to-day 
 see the light which emanated from the distant 
 stars thousands of years ago. If man, in leaving 
 
192 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 the earth, could travel fast enough, faster than 
 light, he would look back and see the events of 
 his past life, or lives, all in inverted order — first 
 the punishment, then the crime, or sin, and, lastly, 
 the temptation, which often, when known, ex- 
 cuses the crime. The French, you know, say : 
 ' Savoir tout cest tout far dormer.^ " 
 
 " I think we shall never travel fast enough to 
 get ahead of our sins, whether in the body or out," 
 I said. " If that were possible, we might fly up 
 to heaven and creep in before our graphs began to 
 be on record there." 
 
 Of course it is all nonsense. Dearest, but I 
 thought you might like to know somewhat of the 
 conversations we have sometimes. But Mr. Eng- 
 lishman is far too clever a man for me to cope 
 with. He always, " by hook or by crook," comes 
 out ahead. 
 
 I was invited to go to the opera last night, but 
 did not feel quite able to go and so sent regrets. 
 
 Mrs. F writes that she is planning to come 
 
 to Paris for a little visit this winter. I do hope 
 she will. She could stop in this same pension, and 
 we could have a fine time going about to see the 
 sights. I wrote her that she must tell her hus- 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 193 
 
 band that I will be her chaperon, and see that she 
 does not get into any mischief! 
 
 The weather is perfect, and if she comes we are 
 sure to thoroughly enjoy ourselves. Paris is in- 
 deed beautiful, and I love it for its artistic worth. 
 It is only seven minutes by the Metropolitan 
 from the Louvre. 
 
 Good-by, my two dears. 
 
 Fondly, 
 
 Nell. 
 
194 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 October 22, 1902. 
 
 I had my second lesson with Moszkowski yes- 
 terday. He said I had worked well. I should 
 say I had ! If he knew how stupid I am he 
 would appreciate the progress I make. He is a 
 droll character. He smokes a pipe all through 
 the lesson, seeming not to care if it makes me ill 
 or not. And he has cages of birds all about the 
 room that, when loud passages are played, set up 
 an awful chatter. I suppose the little singers 
 think that I come there — at a slight cost to my- 
 self of twenty-five francs an hour — -just for the 
 purpose of entertaining them ! What vain little 
 men and women they will make some day ! 
 
 Yes, dearest, I too feel that the appreciation 
 and achievement of art is God's great gift to man. 
 It is His finger pointing the way toward perfect- 
 ness and heaven. It is His sweet and holy balm 
 for a bruised and wounded spirit. But they who 
 truly love become as gods. They no longer walk 
 enchained to earth, but soar to realms of sweet, 
 enchanting mysteries. A great passion, because 
 of its greatness, must be pure. What is purer 
 than a great fire ? It burns without smoke. A 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 195 
 
 little fire sends up clouds of black, soiling all 
 within its range. There shall be no such in my 
 life. And still I think that the only enduring 
 part of love is friendship and companionship. 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Nell. 
 
196 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 Avenue de la Grande Armee, No. ii, 
 
 Paris, October 28. 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 My letter is several days late, and I am sorry. 
 I have intended to write from day to day, but 
 every day is a race with me from morning until 
 night. I feel so much the responsibility of hav- 
 ing lessons with a great man like Moszkowski 
 that I work, and work, and work! In fact, evi- 
 dently I have sat too long at the piano, for I 
 have been suffering this last week with that old 
 pain in my back, and it is very discouraging. I 
 see that I must be cautious or I shall be down, as 
 I was in Vienna. I had my lesson yesterday. 
 Moszkowski was pleased with me ; he said I had 
 made great progress. This week I have a long 
 and difficult thing, by Mendelssohn, to learn. I 
 have also three French lessons a week. The 
 master seems very good. 
 
 I do not know where, but I have lost my 
 French grammar that used to be yours. I have 
 always carried it about with me ; had it in Mexico 
 and in New York, I think, but when I unpacked 
 my trunk here it was not in it. I miss it very 
 much. It is the best grammar I ever saw. I 
 must buy some other one. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 197 
 
 I have only been out once this last week in the 
 evening. Mr. T took me to the opera. 
 
 I have your dear letter of the 8 th. Thanks 
 
 for the clipping about Mrs. C . I also always 
 
 thought that she was very sweet and charming. 
 
 I enclose a letter from Miss H . Mr. 
 
 B , of whom she speaks, is the New York artist, 
 
 who, with his wife, came over on the steamer with 
 us. They are of the party of six in the photo I 
 sent you. I have lately been studying a book by 
 Van Dyck — " How to Judge a Picture." In it 
 
 he mentions Mr. B as one of our best 
 
 American artists. 
 
 Almost every afternoon I go down-town by the 
 underground railroad — the Metropolitan. The 
 stations, like everything in Paris, are artistic. 
 They are of rough pale yellow glass, in the shape 
 of a flattened dome. One goes down about 
 twenty steps, and finds one's self in another 
 world — long galleries leading in various direc- 
 tions to the diiferent lines. All the walls and 
 ceilings are in white glazed tiles lit up by hun- 
 dreds of electric lights. The trains are made up 
 of five or six long cars of the first and second 
 class — first class, twenty-five centimes (five cents); 
 second class, fifteen centimes. The force is elec- 
 tric, so there is no smoke, but for some reason 
 
198 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 there is an awful noise. Along about six o'clock 
 the crowd is terrible. The lines are not yet fin- 
 ished all over the city, but the company already 
 pays its dividends. 
 
 The winter seems to have begun in earnest 
 here. I have now a nice fire of coke in my grate. 
 I arranged to pay two hundred and sixty francs a 
 month, and that is to include heat and light, tho 
 as far as light goes I have a miserable little lamp 
 that gives about as much light as a candle. I 
 will write again on the ist. 
 
 With lots of love from 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 199 
 
 Avenue de la Grande Armee, No. 11, 
 
 Paris, November i. 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 I wrote you a couple of days ago, but this is 
 our dear tryst-day. I hope all is well with you. 
 
 As for me, I am in a rush, as usual. The days 
 seem to fly by ! 
 
 Tho I am well, I am not very strong, and, in 
 order to stand the strain of hard work at the piano, 
 I require a good deal of rest. I always get to bed 
 by 9.30. I very seldom go out anywhere even- 
 ings, and no one comes to see me. Once in bed, 
 undressed, I feel somewhat rested, and often read 
 until after eleven. I read a French daily paper 
 and some French book. I read French easily 
 enough now to find pleasure in it. It is no longer 
 a task. I get up at eight ; take a sponge bath ; 
 the maid brings in on a tray a little pot of coffee, 
 another of hot milk, a piece of bread-and-butter. 
 That is the custom here, and it is the only break- 
 fast one gets. It is invariably served in the bed- 
 room. I get at the piano at nine, and before d'e- 
 jeuner — twelve o'clock — I get in two good hours 
 of practise and also study my French lesson. 
 After luncheon I take my half-hour's siesta, prac- 
 tise another hour, then go out for a walk. Every 
 
200 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 other day I have a French lesson at four. I get 
 home in time to practise another hour before din- 
 ner, at seven o'clock. One day is just like the 
 other, excepting some days I do good work and on 
 other days my brain seems all in a fog ! But, peg- 
 ging along that way, I seem to get on. You see, 
 it does not leave me much time for anything out- 
 side. Lots of little things I have wanted to do 
 for a month now, and I never find a moment. I 
 make it a rule to neglect anything and everybody 
 before my piano. 
 
 I will write soon again. 
 
 Accept lots of love for each of you from 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 201 
 
 No. II, Avenue de la Grande Armee, 
 
 November 7, 1902. 
 My Dearest: — 
 
 You know that always news from you gives me 
 the greatest pleasure. Your dear letter of the 
 20th arrived yesterday, just as I was starting to 
 the matinee. They gave " Les Huguenots," but 
 I did not enjoy it. I would rather have spent 
 the hours at the Louvre, where I always go for 
 meditation and strength. The -pictures never dis- 
 appoint me ! I am beginning to understand, and 
 to interpret, somewhat, the meaning behind the 
 
 tint. 
 
 ***** 
 
 My French teacher is really very good. For 
 every lesson I have to write a little essay, making 
 use of the different modes of the verbs. To-day 
 I had to use the Imparfait and the Subjouctif. 
 Just for fun, I enclose my exercise as corrected by 
 my teacher. 
 
 Next matinee I am going to the Odeon, where 
 Tolstoy's " Resurrection " is to be given. I have 
 read the book, but to see the play will be a deep 
 tho sad enjoyment. It is a profound psycho- 
 logical study. It is the story of a pure and sweet 
 young girl's perversion through a young officer. 
 
202 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 who, later, sees the awful result of his sin. He 
 renounces all (his family, his fiancee, his comfort) 
 to follow, in exile to Siberia, this poor wretch 
 — not because he loves her, but because of his 
 conscience, and to do his duty as he sees it. 
 
 After many discouragements, he saves her, 
 spiritually. It is full of noble sentiments, and is 
 said to be splendidly played. 
 
 Miss M is still in New York, detained by 
 
 matters of importance in a business way ; but she 
 will soon be here now, and we shall be ever so 
 happy together. I am fond of her. Sometimes 
 I am very lonely. 
 
 ***** 
 
 Good-night, my dearest. Every night, before 
 I fall asleep, I say a little prayer for you and 
 darling Nonksie. I think I sleep better because 
 of it, but always I am thinking of you and of 
 your great sorrow, beside which my own seems 
 infinitesimal. Never mind, my dears ! After a 
 time we shall be together again, and, meanwhile. 
 Providence is taking care of us. 
 
 Good-night. With very loving kisses for you 
 both, I remain 
 
 Your affectionate 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 203 
 
 November 9. 
 
 This last week I have been out one evening. 
 It was to the opening of the new -Solian concert- 
 hall, in the rear of Mr. T 's store. It was an 
 
 invitation affair. Mr. T gave me permis- 
 sion to bring a friend with me, so I asked a lady 
 here in the house. We enjoyed it much. There 
 were scores of celebrities there, and many beauti- 
 fully gowned women. The hall is the prettiest I 
 have seen. Refreshments of sandwiches, cakes, 
 coffee, and champagne followed the program, 
 which was interesting. 
 
 Yesterday I went to the Colonne orchestral 
 concert. It began at 2.15 and did not finish until 
 5.30 — and without intermission. The theater 
 was packed, and it was hot and stuffy. I was 
 very tired before it was over, and last night I 
 could not sleep at all. Every little noise went 
 through my body like an electric shock, and 
 caused the greatest pain. 
 
 This last week I have made some new laws for 
 myself. One is, not to get up in the morning 
 until I feel like it. Another is to allow myself 
 some amusements. Until now I have not allowed 
 myself to go to the theater or anywhere evenings, 
 always saving my strength for work, work, work. 
 
204 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 I wore myself completely out, and at last was un- 
 able to accomplish anything. I felt stupid and 
 distressed. As we say, "All work and no play 
 makes Jack a dull boy." I am too intense and 
 serious. 
 
 Recently I have read "Manon Lescaut" in 
 French. It is beautifully written, but I think 
 Abbe Prevost, the author, is wrong in thinking 
 to reform his readers by revealing the misery of 
 vice. I think that preaching against an evil never 
 did any particular good. I believe the way to re- 
 form people is by showing the beauty of goodness. 
 A loving kiss from your 
 
 Nell. 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 205 
 
 Avenue de la Grande Armee, No. ii, 
 
 Paris, November 17, 190a. 
 My Dearest : — 
 
 Your tryst-letter came yesterday. I was be- 
 ginning to worry about you, as I had not heard 
 for almost two weeks. And it seems there were 
 plenty of reasons for my feeling uneasy. Poor 
 Nonksie and poor you ! It is certainly terrible. 
 But let us hope for the best, my dearest, and that 
 will help to bring it to us. 
 
 This last week has been a very dark one for 
 me. It began by my being horribly depressed — 
 not personally, but for all mankind. All our 
 efforts, our endless striving, seemed so petty and 
 vain. I came to doubt even the existence of a 
 soul — an immortal spirit in man. Doubting that, 
 everything in life, for me, was worse than useless. 
 I spent two days in a dreadful torment of doubt, 
 until I realized that my own salvation lay in an 
 absolute faith in our immortality. I went to the 
 Louvre, and, little by little, I found consolation 
 before the great and inspired paintings to be 
 found there. All my doubts (or, were they but 
 shadows of doubts ?) flew away and lost them- 
 selves, as mists in the light of the sunrise. All 
 this may seem extraordinary to you, and quite 
 
2o6 YOUR LOVING NELL 
 
 foolish and unnatural, but I can assure you it has 
 been very real and painful to me, and has, I feel, 
 marked an epoch in my life. It is the first time 
 I was ever so troubled, and, I believe, it was all 
 the fault of our clever Englishman, whose doc- 
 trines are most depressing. How often I have 
 cried for you ! You see, I need you, Dearest. 
 
 Perhaps your prediction of an utter collapse for 
 me from overwork came true. 
 
 ***** 
 
 Mexican money keeps going lower and lower. 
 A dollar is now worth only two francs instead of 
 five, as it should be. My living, lessons, piano 
 rent, car fare, and et ceteras — including what little 
 recreation I feel I must h,ave — take my entire 
 income. I have had nothing new by way of 
 clothes since I was in Vienna. However, I am 
 satisfied. I believe the expression in one's face, 
 and what one has in one's head, is of more im- 
 portance than anything else. But I often feel, 
 Dearest, that after a few months of hard work, 
 lessons and concerts, that it will be the best and 
 wisest thing for you and for me that I return to 
 Mexico to remain. I could then administer my 
 own property, and, living at small expense, be 
 quite independent, and able to be with you often. 
 
 I have been feeling a little discouraged about 
 
YOUR LOVING NELL 207 
 
 my music, and I had a talk with Moszowski 
 about it. He is satisfied with me and encourages 
 me, but I am disappointed in myself — physically 
 and mentally. Physically I am not so strong as 
 I supposed. The piano work exhausts me, and 
 often brings on that old pain in my back. Then 
 I get big, dark rings under my eyes, and feel 
 utterly weary of life. Mentally I lack in concen- 
 tration, and my nerves are not steady enough. 
 
 Oh, the great art of piano-playing is so difficult 
 that one who does not study it (I do not mean 
 ordinary piano-playing) can have no conception of 
 what it means ! It means an absolute mastery of 
 one's self. It means broad thoughts, charity 
 toward all mankind, a firm faith in one's own 
 divinity ; and all expressed with absolute accuracy, 
 and with the exquisite shadings one sees on the 
 canvas of the great old masters. 
 
 I suppose I demand too much, all of a sudden, 
 of myself. 
 
 Good-by, my dear. 
 
 With all tender and affectionate good wishes. 
 Your 
 
 Nell. 
 
APPENDIX 
 PIANO EXERCISES 
 
PIANO EXERCISES 
 
 [Note. — Whoever glances at the following 
 exercises will be impressed with the truth of an 
 assertion once made by Jan Kubelik, the famous 
 violin virtuoso : 
 
 " Only those who long intensely to be great 
 musicians ever become such. It must be some- 
 thing more than a mere desire. Many people 
 say, ' Oh, I should like to be a great musician.' 
 That is nothing. They will not amount to any- 
 thing. But the man who is possessed with such 
 a yearning that it hurts him, and haunts him, and 
 keeps him awake nights, and makes him forget 
 his meals — he will succeed." 
 
 Only the " yearning " that " hurts " could im- 
 pel one to follow faithfully these Leschetiszky ex- 
 ercises after one has already worked many years 
 and attained supposed proficiency. Two months 
 at these and at nothing else is the minimum time 
 even the most advanced artists are required to 
 work with an under teacher before Leschetiszky 
 himself will give a lesson. Players already suc- 
 cessful before the public and well-known, one 
 and all, must knuckle down very literally to this 
 
212 APPENDIX 
 
 minute work before the master will receive them. 
 But the majority must keep at it many months, 
 and always shadowed by the uncertainty of ulti- 
 mate success. This ever-recurring doubt would 
 cause them to give up were it not for that per- 
 petual " yearning " that " hurts." — M. W.] 
 
EXERCISES GIVEN BY FRAU BR^E * 
 
 FIRST EXERCISE 
 
 A. Five notes pressed down at once. 
 
 B. Play one finger at a time, holding the other 
 four down. 
 
 i 
 
 s a- 
 
 Move wrist up and down, to see if it is loose. 
 C. Strike each finger five times legato, with 
 round, full tone, and five times staccato. 
 
 fe 
 
 SECOND EXERCISE 
 B 
 
 iJiJiJj. ' iJ ^ 
 
 ' •J- ^ V ^ ■ 
 
 A. Holding the third, fourth, and fifth notes 
 down. 
 
 B. Hold four notes down — all but the one being 
 struck. Play each two notes many times. 
 
 THIRD EXERCISE 
 
 %^^^^^^^- 
 
 $ 
 
 
 ^3Sr 
 
 Hold all notes down but the one being played. 
 
 * See page 85. 
 
 213 
 
214 APPENDIX 
 
 FOURTH EXERCISE 
 
 ^^^^^^m 
 
 Hold all notes down but the one being played. 
 
 Hold all notes down but the one being played. 
 
 Place the hands on the keyboard, three con- 
 secutive notes pressed down with first (thumb), 
 second, and third fingers. This is for position. 
 The first and second finger form almost a broken 
 circle. The thumb must be bent, and placed on 
 the key only to the root, or side, of the nail. First 
 two fingers well curved. The knuckle-joints must 
 be somewhat elevated, so that the space under the 
 hand, to the keys, is deep. The fourth finger raised 
 as high as possible, and well curved. The little 
 finger must be only slightly curved. This is the 
 correct position, and very important. Place the 
 hands in this position many times a day — on a 
 table, or anything — until it becomes natural to 
 them. 
 
APPENDIX 215 
 
 FIFTH EXERCISE 
 
 i 
 
 3 3 3 
 
 (Third and fourth fingers raised very high and 
 curved ; fifth finger not quite so high.) 
 
 t 
 
 =3=^=^ 
 
 % 
 
 
 The fingers not playing raised high. These 
 are what I call " props." Each finger has a prop 
 before it plays. Keep wrist flexible. 
 
 After playing this carefully and slowly several 
 times with each hand in turn, repeat the exercise 
 again, and, instead of raising high the finger which 
 is playing the note, place it on the key, and each 
 time press quickly and firmly down to the full 
 depth of the key and raise quickly to the level of 
 the key. Do not play rapidly, but make the fin- 
 gers move quickly. It is a good idea to count 
 two while holding the note down, and while the 
 finger rests on the key before pressing. 
 
 This is very important practise. The diflference 
 in touch in this exercise and the above is applied 
 
2i6 APPENDIX 
 
 in everything one plays — the first for brilliant 
 work, and the latter for legato. 
 
 Next a slow trill with each two fingers in turn. 
 (Practise with the left hand as much as the right 
 hand, but never together.) In playing a trill with 
 second and third fingers, or fourth and fifth fin- 
 gers, place the thumb under the hand, not tightly 
 but comfortably — just escaping the keys. This 
 is a great help. Fingers not trilling held high 
 and curved (except fifth). 
 
 Next play three notes, beginning with each 
 finger in turn up to third finger. 
 
 Next play four notes, beginning with each finger 
 in turn up to second finger. 
 
 Next play five notes, beginning with each finger 
 in turn. 
 
 Play exercises with legato and staccato move- 
 ment. When the thumb is not in use, place it 
 under the hand 
 
LESSONS GIVEN BY LESCHETISZKI 
 
 LESSON I 
 
 \st. Thumb and first finger pressed together, 
 forming circle — -joints out. Play up and down 
 two octaves with stiff arm, moving arm and hand 
 from key to key with slight jerk. 
 
 id. Same position of fingers, but played from 
 wrist, with arm held low. The hand drops on i , 
 and comes well back and remains motionless while 
 counting i — falling suddenly, sometimes p. and 
 then S. Play two octaves. 
 
 ^d. Same, with short staccato. 
 
 4/A. Place thumb and first finger as in u/; in 
 addition, place second finger firmly on first. Play 
 as in 1st, id, and 3^. 
 
 ^th. Same as Ath, with third finger joined also. 
 
 LESSON II 
 
 1st. Hand placed on five keys — knuckles out, 
 thumb joints out. Three middle fingers in cen- 
 ter of keys and on a line. Small finger on edge 
 of key. All keys pressed down. Play one finger 
 at a time. Count i, 2. Raise finger to level of 
 key (i, 2); press down (i, 2). Many times each 
 finger, always sustaining arched position of hand. 
 
 id. Five notes pressed down. Fingers only 
 
 217 
 
2i8 APPENDIX 
 
 clinging on to keys from below. Hand pressing 
 woodwork toward thumb. Play as in \st. 
 
 2)d. Same as 2d, only with thumb bent in palm, 
 supporting hand on woodwork. 
 
 LESSON III 
 
 1st. Arched position of hand, fingers only rest- 
 ing on top of keys, each finger over its key. Play 
 as in Lesson II., ist. 
 
 id. Same as in Lesson 11., id, only fingers rest- 
 ing on keys. 
 
 3^. Position on keys pressed down. Arm 
 pressure, wrist pressure, finger pressure, and re- 
 laxation. 
 
 ^th. Play each finger, alternating arm, wrist, 
 and finger pressure ; also p. and f. with each pres- 
 sure. 
 
 ^th. Same as 3/^. Using each pressure with 
 flexible wrist, first high and then low. 
 
 6th. Play ^th with flexible wrist. 
 
 LESSON IV 
 
 \st Five keys pressed down. Raise each finger 
 separately, slowly, and with great force ; lower in 
 same way. 
 
 id. "Props." Thumb pressed down, first finger 
 resting on key, other fingers elevated ; play first 
 
APPENDIX 219 
 
 finger, counting i, 2, with it pressed down; then 
 I, 2, resting on key. Each finger in same way. 
 The finger playing always rests on key ; the 
 "prop" is pressed down. The thumb always re- 
 mains on key when not a "prop." 
 
 3^. Five keys pressed down. Raise each finger 
 separately as high as possible, holding veryquiet 
 while counting i, 2. Strike quick, firm blow, 
 sometimes finger pressure, sometimes arm or 
 wrist; also f. and p. Count i, 2, holding note 
 down. Also raise and depress wrist. 
 
 \th. Same as 2)d, using staccato blow. 
 
 LESSON V 
 1st. Chord practise. Notes, right hand, Fy G, 
 B, D, F. Thumb and first finger pressed to- 
 gether, forming circle ; third and fourth finger 
 lying on side ; fifth finger straight, with knuckle- 
 joint out. Notes pressed down, play one finger 
 at a time, counting. Two fingers together. Use 
 little finger for pivot. Raise free part of hand 
 with great force. Lower slowly with force. 
 Strike chord. Pass hand in same position, close 
 to keys, to different octaves. Strike chord from 
 arm raised from elbow ; raise high, maintaining 
 position of fingers. Strike octaves with quick 
 side-motion of arm. 
 
220 APPENDIX 
 
 id. Rosenthal's exercise, middle finger (E) held 
 down. Play 
 
 D , c 
 
 with various accents, using different pressures and 
 p. and f. 
 
 3^. Roil fingers, one at a time, in firm arched 
 position on hard wood, slowly from side to side, 
 also quickly. 
 
 Roll with force on top of nail. 
 
 4/A. Exercise for stretching ligaments. Place 
 thumb and finger together in circle ; place 3d fin- 
 ger on top of first joint of 2d finger, 4th on 3d, 
 and 5 th on 4th ; maintain position but an instant. 
 Rest hand, palm up, and arm on table, fingers ex- 
 tended ; move slowly, one finger at a time, first 
 joint, then second joint, finally curving finger. 
 Slowly put back again in same order. Use mus- 
 cular force of arm. 
 
 5/A. Same position. Bend all the fingers at 
 once ; when still curved, turn hand over in arched 
 position. 
 
 6th. Roll fingers on hard wood from side to 
 side and on nail to toughen them. 
 
 yth. Play as in ^d, striking each finger several 
 times rapidly, 4th finger more especially. 
 
APPENDIX 221 
 
 LESSON FI 
 
 1st. Scale in blocks. All fingers resting on 
 keys. Press thumb, count 1,2; strike 2d and 
 3d together, counting i ; draw thumb over keys, 
 counting 2. Strike thumb, still holding down 2d 
 and 3d ; hold while counting i ; bring over quick- 
 ly, after counting 2. Strike 2d, 3d, 4th fingers to- 
 gether, count I ; slide thumb on 2, etc. 
 
 2d. Same as ist ; but, instead of pressing fin- 
 gers down together, they are pressed one at a time 
 and held down, while thumb is drawn under. 
 
 2d. All fingers resting on keys. Press down 
 thumb, then 2d finger ; as soon as the 2d fin- 
 ger is struck, the thumb goes quickly under hand, 
 close to keyboard, and remains resting on its key. 
 Take hand over with side-arm motion when play- 
 ing thumb. 
 
 4.th. Thumb exercise. Second and 3d fingers 
 pressed down ; play thumb on C and F. 
 
 ^th. Second, 3d, 4th fingers held down. Play 
 thumb as quickly as possible, keeping arm and 
 
 hand quiet. 
 
 LESSON VII 
 
 \st. Prepared touch. Thumb resting on key ; 
 other fingers elevated, well curved. Press thumb, 
 and immediately let 2d finger fall to position on 
 key. Press 2d, let 3d fall in same way. Press 
 
222 APPENDIX 
 
 3d, bring 4th down, letting 2d rise. Press 4th. 
 Fifth finger strikes from above. Thumb always 
 remains on key. 
 
 id. Scale with prepared touch. 
 
 ■^d. Staccato thumb. Fingers pressed down. 
 Raise thumb high, strike with sharp blow ; pass 
 under hand, high from keys, strike staccato. Play 
 back and forth with quiet hand. 
 
 \th. Forcible chords. Fingers over notes of 
 chord press by sudden depression of wrist, recoil- 
 ing quickly, as if with strong spring. When the 
 thumb and 5th finger come on black key, the 
 wrist rises instead of lowers. 
 
 LESSON Fill 
 
 1st. Brilliant touch. Thumb on keys, fingers 
 raised and curved. Strike each finger with force, 
 letting it recoil immediately to full height on 
 striking next note. Play scale, keeping thumb on 
 its key 
 
 GYMNASTIC EXERCISES 
 
 Either on the piano (wood) or on the keys press 
 firmly with the end of the fingers, turning hand 
 slowly on one side with arm pressure and then on 
 the other. Repeat quickly, counting 3. Keep 
 the fingers well curved, and throw out the elbow 
 when the hand is turned in. Bend thumb on 
 
APPENDIX 
 
 223 
 
 point. Depress the wrist, with the fingers firmly 
 on the keys ; raise slowly, pressing the fingers flat 
 to the first joint, then lower. Repeat, moving 
 rapidly. 
 
 With the thumb pressed on the key, raise the 
 wrist until the thumb stands on end ; strike many 
 times in this position. Do the same with the 
 fifth finger, keeping the knuckle out well. Strike 
 with force without bending joint, letting the 
 thumb hang meanwhile. With the wrist de- 
 pressed and the thumb and 5 th finger pressed on 
 the keys, raise until the fingers are straight. De- 
 press slowly. Repeat quickly. 
 
 Fold thumb in palm ; draw 2d, 3d, and 4th 
 fingers down over it. 
 
 ***** 
 
 In playing chords, where an interval of a second 
 or third comes between the thumb and 2d finger, 
 the hand is turned. With greater intervals, it is 
 straight. Move the hand an octave, and take 
 chord without looking. Play same chord, struck 
 from high arm, semi-staccato and staccato. 
 ***** 
 
 There are six kinds of touch : 
 
 \st. The very legato, for broken chords and 
 the most rapid scale passages. Fingers rest on 
 keys and merely press down. 
 
824 APPENDIX 
 
 id. The legato, also for very rapid work. The 
 fingers rest on keys until pressed to play, then 
 rise. 
 
 2)d. The legato, for slower passages. Thumb 
 touches key after having pressed it. All the other 
 fingers raised; but each in turn covers its key 
 before pressing it, just as the preceding key plays. 
 (Prepared touch.) 
 
 \th. All the fingers play from over, but remain 
 on the keys after striking. 
 
 c^th. Like \th, but the fingers rise immediately 
 after playing, or as the next key plays. Thumb 
 resting on key, raised and under hand. Called 
 " half staccato." 
 
 dth. Short staccato. Finger rises immediately 
 after striking the key with a blow. 
 
 Practise all touches with low wrist. Practise 
 taking octaves with 2, 5, and i, 2. 
 
 Raise and depress hand with great resistance, 
 for strengthening wrist. 
 
 Play scale with the six touches in turn, slowly 
 and forte. 
 
 LESSON IX 
 
 Exercise for passing the thumb under. Play 
 C, D, E, F, thumb on C, and F. Practise p. and 
 f. legato and half staccato in all rhythms, beginning 
 on each tone in turn. 
 
APPENDIX 
 
 225 
 
 Practise same with i, 2, 3, 4, i ; i, 3, 2, 3; 2, 
 4> 3> 4; 3j 53 4. 5 ; 5> 3> 4> 3 J etc., and, when un- 
 even, practise opposite the defect. 
 
 RAPID SCALE-WORK 
 
 Play I, 2 fast, and 3 after a pause, letting it 
 drop on the key first, also playing from above. 
 Continue in the same way, taking a new tone 
 each time, and playing legato and half legato. 
 
 Put the thumb under immediately, and play it 
 after each end tone. Begin the new octave on the 
 4th finger, and, when completed, play two to- 
 gether. When practising the scale in groups, 
 practise both with the hand in the scale position 
 and straight. 
 
 Repeat the scale practise, descending with the 
 hand in scale position, but the wrist raised and 
 lowered in ascending (right hand). 
 
 Then play ascending and descending three and 
 four octaves by contrasts — forte and piano, cres., 
 dim. 
 
 ARPEGGIO 
 
 Pressing firmly with the fingers on the keys 
 and the hand very much turned on the side, play 
 I, 2, 3 separately and as a chord; take the next 
 note with the thumb and play as a chord. 
 
226 APPENDIX 
 
 Thumb under, change fingers and slide to the 
 next note of the arpeggio ; change again, return- 
 ing to first note, counting i, 2, 3. Repeat play- 
 ing the thumb in return. (The hand sinks when 
 the 5th finger plays, and the thumb is under 
 the hand if the first interval is a third. If a 
 fourth, the hand is straight, and all the keys are 
 held.) 
 
 Returning. Five and 3 play with the hand low; 
 on 1 it rises and turns. Play the thumb and 
 change fingers, taking the new note and back, as 
 in ascending, but with the wrist raised. 
 
 In rapid work, do as in scales. On the black 
 notes as well as the white — first up, then down, 
 then both together. 
 
 LESSON X 
 
 CHROMATIC SCALE 
 
 One, 2 on C and Ctt. One against the black 
 note. Practise each separately and together in the 
 six touches. Thumb near and raised. Same with 
 thumb on D. Moving arm, play Cjj, Z)ti with 
 2 and 3. 
 
 With 2 on C^ play C, and D with i, without 
 moving arm. 
 
APPENDIX 227 
 
 When 2d comes to a white note, play in the 
 middle of the key, moving arm. 
 
 Holding 2 and 3 on white and black note, play 
 thumb back and forth. Descending, raise the 
 wrist, and let the 2d finger hang close to the keys 
 while 3 plays, so as to be in readiness for its note. 
 End with 3, i, 2, i. 
 
 TRILL 
 
 Preparatory exercise with all fingers down. 
 Repeat each in turn as rapidly as possible with- 
 out moving hand. Both with the hand up and 
 pressed against the wood. Repeat the same with 
 one finger for a prop and finally without support, 
 the note being repeated in all rhythms. 
 
 Test the trill for evenness in time and tone, 
 and correct by playing the opposite of the error, 
 the loud piano and the slow quickly. 
 
 Play on white, black and white, and white and 
 black. 
 
 Repeat with the following fingering: i, 2, 2, 3, 
 etc.; I, 2, 1,3; I, 3, 2, 3, holding the thumb and 
 3d, and playing the other two staccato, legato, p., 
 and f. 
 
 Same with the other groups: i, 2, 3, 4; 2, 4, 
 3, 5; also, 1,3, 2,4,3, 5- 
 
228 APPENDIX 
 
 LESSON XI 
 
 OCTAVES 
 
 Fingers stiff, thumb and fifth curved for white 
 notes, straight for octaves, on black keys. With 
 the wrist and arm stiff, holding the thumb, play 
 the 5 th finger, first slowly, then rapidly, near the 
 key. 
 
 Turn the hand as high as possible, holding the 
 thumb. Same exercise, holding 5th finger and 
 playing thumb. Then both together, near and 
 from on high, half staccato and staccato. 
 
 Finally two, three notes, etc., until the octave. 
 
 For legato chromatic scales, with the wrist high. 
 Hold the thumb, play the 4th and 5th. 
 
 Later, practise the same from the wrist. 
 
 Play right hand in bass for heavy action. 
 
 To help the ear, play a melody in different keys, 
 using the 4th finger alone, so as to strengthen it. 
 
 THIRDS 
 
 Play each part alone, then together, fingers 
 firm and wrist loose, moving it to avoid stiffness. 
 
 Legato thirds are an illusion. The secret of 
 playing them is to keep the fingers firm and the 
 wrist loose. 
 
 Turn the hand at the wrist without moving the 
 arm to assist the fingers. 
 
TECHNICAL EXERCISES 
 I 
 
 1. Hollow hand, sound thumb and forefinger 
 pressed tightly together on thumb as a founda- 
 tion. Stiff arm and wrist. 
 
 At one, strike key; two, slide, without raising 
 more than necessary, to next key. 
 
 2. Wrist exercise, semi-staccato. Piano and 
 forte. First on one key, then two octaves. 
 
 3. Short staccato. Rising and falling sudden- 
 ly. Piano and forte. Fingers always pressed 
 tightly together. 
 
 II 
 Repeat the same, with the middle finger press- 
 ing tightly against the forefinger, and perfectly 
 even with it at the nail, but apart at other points. 
 Other fingers arched and separate. It is most 
 important that the knuckles should be firm as 
 rocks and the muscles like iron. 
 
 Ill 
 Repeat the same, with three fingers pressed 
 tightly together without slipping at the end, but 
 otherwise apart. Little finger curved and higher. 
 Arm always straight and level, wrist higher than 
 keyboard, fingers curved high. Piano and forte. 
 
 229 
 
230 APPENDIX 
 
 Gymnastic exercises to be practised three times 
 a day — morning, noon, and night. Curve the 
 middle finger slowly and with great power, and 
 then straighten in the same manner. Lay the 
 hand, back down, on table, and repeat same exer- 
 cise with the fingers and thumb together, being 
 careful not to curve too far in. 
 
 Repeat with each finger. 
 
 Exercise for the forearm, wrist, and finger 
 power, forte-mezzo, forte, and piano : 
 
 Press down the five keys with power from arm, 
 keeping hollow-arched palm. Then press with 
 power from wrist and fingers, returning to wrist 
 and forearm. 
 
 Repeat the above, moving the wrist slowly up 
 and down as far as possible — first, with forearm ; 
 second, with wrist ; third, with finger power. 
 
 Slowly at first, repeat, moving wrist quickly. 
 
 Then go from first to second and from second 
 to third at each wrist-motion, and from the third 
 to relaxation. Rest the hand frequently. Always 
 feel fresh. 
 
 LEGATO TOUCH 
 
 With the hand in the position just described — 
 viz., knuckles out, thumb curved, fingers arched 
 and separate, and in a straight line in the middle 
 
APPENDIX 231 
 
 of each key, the thumb pressed on the side and 
 as far on the key as the root of the nail — raise and 
 depress the fingers without leaving the keys, play- 
 ing pp., p., and f. from arm, hand, and finger. 
 
 Later, do same with two, three, four, and five 
 fingers. Drawing the fingers to the edge of keys, 
 depress wrist and press the thumb side of hand 
 (the outside free) tightly against the wood, keep- 
 ing the joints, arched as much as possible. 
 
 Repeat the above exercise. 
 

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