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THE NOBLER SEX 
 
THE NOBLER SEX 
 
 By FLORENCE MARRYAT, author of 
 ''The Master Passion,'' "^ Harvest of Wild 
 OatSj' ''Mount Eden" "The Heir Presumptive,'' 
 etc. 
 
 NEW 
 
 YORK 
 
 AND 
 
 LONDON 
 
 STREET & 
 
 SMITH, 
 
 PUBLISHERS'^ 
 
22S2 y/^ 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 I AM EITGAGED. 
 
 I DO not wish to commence my story by denouncing a life, 
 whicli has at least afforded me much pleasure mixed with 
 its pain ; but I do not think I came iato this world imder 
 exceptional advantages. Born of a man of abnormal 
 physical and mental strength and a woman of an excitable 
 temperament, I inherited from them the imfortunate 
 combination of a powerful and somewhat advanced brain 
 and a highly-strung and emotional nature. My brain 
 has been aptly described as "iron" and my heart as 
 " wool." What the one has approved of the other has 
 seldom had the courage to carry out. I have dared to 
 do things during my career that other women have shrunk 
 from, and yet I have not had the nerve to secure my 
 own happiness at the expense of that of some one else. 
 I have always been too frank and too yielding. The first 
 characteristic has placed me in the power of my enemies ; 
 the second has made it difficult for me to say "No." 
 I have dreamed too much and hoped too much — ^have 
 lived in the future more than in the present — and per- 
 mitted my imagination to create lofty ideals, which 
 have served as clothing for my earthly idols, until they 
 fell from them and disclosed the feet of clay. This is 
 what I see and know to be true now, as I look backward, 
 standing as it were upon the summit of Time and Ex- 
 perience and gazing at the footprints (often marked with 
 my own blood) by which I have toiled up from the valley 
 below. What I am about to write is a true history of my 
 
6 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 life. I have entered into a compact with myself neither 
 to extenuate my faults, nor exaggerate my wrongs; at 
 the same time I shall not mmce the truth with regard 
 to my better qualities. I have said that I have talent, 
 but I have never made the use of it I should have done. 
 And that is because, whilst my bump of love of appro- 
 bation is very large, my bump of self-esteem is very 
 small. I never believed in myself until others forced me 
 to do so, and am too much incUned, even to this day, to 
 think every one more capable than I am. And yet I 
 have cherished lofty ambitions and the noblest dreams. 
 All readers are curious to learn what their heroine is like, 
 but frankly I am not and never have been possessed of 
 handsome features. My chief attractions, even when 
 young, lay in a white skin and a well-moulded figure, 
 and yet men have called me fair. But, after all, what 
 has mere detail to do with the attractive qualities of 
 either sex ? Has not the experience of life taught us 
 over and over again that in such instances, "one 
 man's meat is another man's poison?" I have held 
 all my life a gift which has brought me closer to my 
 fellow-creatures than any physical charms could have 
 the power to do — ^which has made it difficult for them to 
 forget me, even when they desired it — ^which has forced 
 them, when in my presence, to do and say things which 
 during absence they had resolved against. I allude to 
 the fatal gift of magnetism — fatal, because it draws for 
 evil as well as for good — and which has had more to do, 
 I am convinced, with the number of my admirers than 
 anything else which I possess. From the commencement 
 of my career of womanhood my own sex have come to 
 me with their domestic troubles and poured them into 
 my ears, whether I would or not. I have seemed in many 
 instances to exercise a mysterious influence over them 
 which they had no power to resist, and confidences have 
 poured from their lips which I had no desire to hear and 
 they would have given the world afterwards to have re- 
 called. But should any such read these lines, let them 
 set their hearts at rest. Amidst many sins, I have never 
 committed that of betraying a confidence. To tell truth, 
 my own life has been too full even to remember them. 
 It is the empty-headed alone who take interest in retail- 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 7 
 
 ing gQSsip and scandal. Men too — especially young men 
 — ^have been in the habit of seeking me for advice or as- 
 sistance — ^involuntarily asked and freely given — until I 
 have seemed sometimes to hold the secrets of half my 
 acquaintance in the hollow of my hand. And here, spite 
 of all criticism, I will confess that I have always pre- 
 ferred the society of men to that of women. I have had no 
 reason to love either men or women overmuch, but men 
 have been the better company to me. They are less 
 bitter and less mean than women — more liberal-minded 
 and more true. Did I believe in the doctrine of the trans- 
 migration of souls, I should feel quite sure that I had 
 been male instead of female, in my last incarnation, for 
 all my tastes and proclivities are masculine, rather than 
 feminine. By this I do not mean that I shout, or smoke, 
 or swear. But I derive no pleasure from lyiag late in 
 bed or on a sofa, nor do I enjoy the reading of ungram- 
 matical novels, the singing of weak ballads, nor the pro- 
 duction of fancy needle-work. I care little for dress, or 
 fashion — detest afternoon calls — and look upon all society 
 as one big lie and sham. I do not cultivate any talent, 
 unless it can be turned to account, and I hold an unor- 
 thodox notion that life was intended for something better 
 than the frivolity in which it is usually spent. Yet I 
 am no preacher — ^unless it be for myself alone. Before 
 and above all things I am lilDeral-minded, and would have 
 every man and woman the same. I have no belief in sects, 
 or creeds, or parties, or denominations. My reUgion is, 
 that I believe in one God the Father Almighty, and look 
 upon all the human race as my brothers and sisters. But 
 I am speaking of my opinions now — now when I have 
 proved the instability of the world's creeds and sects to 
 keep men either holy or fraternal. I started life like 
 others, my mind, a sheet of white paper, ready to receive 
 what men might write upon it. At fifteen I was a tall, 
 fair, yellow-haired slip of a girl, full of dreams and fancies, 
 but vdthout education or stability. To explain my 
 position I must say somewhat more about my parents. 
 My father Thomas Malmaison, was a man of genius 
 — a scientist a philosopher. My mother was also clever, 
 but possessed so irascible a temper, that after a long trial 
 of matrimony, the two found it impossible to live to- 
 
8 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 gether. My father loved tlie country and abhorred the 
 town. My mother loved the town and all the pleasures oi 
 the town and found no solace in green fields and flowing 
 streams. So they parted, and their children were Dan- 
 died backwards and forwards, from one parent to tne 
 other, and never knew which was in the right and whicJi 
 was in the wrong. But all this happened before 1 can 
 remember. By the time I was fifteen my father had long 
 passed away, and his house and estates, instead of coming 
 to my mother, were in the hands of my only brother 
 Henry, whilst I and my sisters lived with her in a Lon- 
 don suburb and were considered children, as indeed we 
 were. There was one thing which appeared veiy curious 
 to me. I was called Mary (or generally Mollie), but I 
 had never been baptized by any name. My parents ap- 
 pear to have been very careless in those days, and the 
 Act of registration of birth was not then in force. So to 
 this moment I am not quite sure what age I am. But 
 then I thought nothing at all about it. Subsequent 
 events alone made it a matter of importance to me. An- 
 other thing was, that my father had had my horoscope 
 cast at my birth, by which the astrologer foretold that 
 the best part of my life would be marred by men. But 
 who takes note of such exploded superstitions as horo- 
 scopes in this enlightened century ? If I thought of mine 
 at all, it was probably to ridicule the stupid old astrolo- 
 ger who could wish to eliminate such delightful creatures 
 as men from the drama of my life. Yet all the bitter- 
 ness I have experienced has come through them. I have 
 said I was uneducated, I might have added, shamefully 
 so. My father, notAAdthstandtng his ability and the fact 
 that he had begotten five daughters, did not place woman- 
 hood on a high standard. He held the good old-fashioned 
 idea, that women were creatures sent into the world sim- 
 ply to minister to the pleasures of men, and that if they 
 could read their Bibles, write their love letters and add 
 up their housekeeping accounts, they had sufficient edu- 
 cation for their need ; and my mother, notwithstanding 
 their difference of opinion in other respects, seemed to 
 have agreed with her husband in this. My sisters and I, 
 therefore, were educated entirely by daily governesses, 
 who knew little more than ourselves. I was an inordi- 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 9 
 
 nate reader, and before I was ten years old had devoured 
 all Sue's and Dumas' novels, besides a great many other 
 volumes, quite as useful for my tender age. But I was 
 innocent, and the evU, from lack of understanding it, ran 
 off me like water from a duck's back. A volume of 
 Byron's works was my constant companion, and after 
 having wept over the " Bride of Abydos " or " The Pris- 
 oner of Chillon," what girl of fifteen could be expected 
 to fix her mind on moods and tenses, or latitude and 
 longitude? Mine refused to do so. Governess after 
 governess left us, on account of my neglect and inatten- 
 tion — sometimes, I am afraid, of my impertinence — ^till 
 my mother thought it best to let me educate myself. 
 But I was stUl in bondage to my teachers on the event- 
 ful day of which I am about to speak — the first day of 
 November, three months after my fifteenth birthday. I 
 was in the kitchen of my mother's cottage, amusing my- 
 self by ironing some lace. I can see the scene before me 
 now. I wore a large brown holland apron to protect my 
 frock, and had made great preparations for my work in 
 the shape of hot irons, ironing blankets and iron stands. 
 I had a favourite little terrier with some puppies, and 
 the farrier had called that morning to bite off the puppies' 
 tails, and being a facetiously-disposed farrier, he had tied 
 the four little taUs on four hooks of the dresser, which 
 had greatly amused me. 
 
 Great heavens ! what a ghastly farce it looks in retro- 
 spect. The most important event of my life about to hap- 
 pen — that which left so much heart-breaking misery in 
 its wake — and I giggling at a row of puppies' tails. I 
 was a taU, slight girl without any development of figure, 
 and my yellow hair hung in two plaited tails down my 
 back. I was laughing at the squeamishness of my sister 
 Letty, who had taken a seat as far as possible from the 
 dresser, when one of my mother's two maids entered the 
 kitchen. 
 
 " Come along. Miss Mollie," she said. " Let me take 
 off your pinafore. Tour mamma wants you in the draw- 
 ing-room." 
 
 " What for ? " I inquired, as she twisted me about. 
 
 " There's some young gentlemen come and you're to go 
 and help amuse them." 
 
10 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 The intelligence had no power to confuse me, as it 
 might have done a more self-conscious girl. My wing- 
 ing-up had had one great advantage. It had robbed me, 
 even at that age, of all the stupid, giggling bashfulness 
 of raw English girls. 
 
 I was precocious. I had been forced into womanhood 
 before my time, but it was not the womanhood of loyers 
 and lovemaking, and to entertain a gentleman was aU 
 the same to me as entertaining a lady. Mine was the 
 precocity that enabled me to check my mother's house- 
 keeping accounts, and market for her to the best 
 advantage, and to enter a room full of company with 
 as much ease as if it had been empty. All I wanted 
 now was, that my sister Letty should obey my mother's 
 summons and leave me to my ironing, but Letty stoutly 
 refused to move. She possessed a timid and irresolute 
 nature that from a child had been her greatest bane. 
 She was much handsomer than myself, indeed aU my sis- 
 ters were, and I had heard the fact stated so often that I 
 had come to look upon my own face as hopelessly plain 
 and not worth thinking about. This belief robbed me of 
 all self-consciousness, and I entered the drawing-room on 
 the present occasion with the coolness of a grown-up 
 woman. 
 
 I found my mother engaged in conversation with two 
 boys — young men as they appeared to me — ^whom she in- 
 troduced as WUUam and Charles Stopford. 
 
 " Sons of the Mr. Stopford who used to be such a friend 
 of grandmamma's," she explained, " and they have ridden 
 oyer from Warnley House, where they are staying on a 
 visit, to make our acquaintance." 
 
 I looked them both in the face as I shook hands with 
 them. One was a lad of sixteen who was studying under 
 the clergyman at Warnley ; the other a young fellow 
 of twenty, engaged in some mercantile house in town. 
 This was William Stopford — ^my future husband. He 
 had a slight insigniflcant figure of about five-foot nine 
 or ten — stiff as a poker and narrow-chested, with sloping 
 shoulders— large brown eyes like a spaniel dog, curling 
 brown hair, an aquiline nose, and a weak womanish 
 mouth, shaded by a tender moustache. " A pretty boy " 
 as I often heard him called afterwards, and lookmg 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 11 
 
 backwards, I suppose he was entitled to the cognomen. 
 But the possessor of a weak and brauiless head never- 
 theless, with a large bump of obstinacy to confirm its 
 errors, though I was too young and inexperienced to 
 read the indications of his character in his head and face. 
 Why are not phrenology and physiognomy included in 
 the studies of our youth ? Why are we not all taught 
 how to detect the symptoms of vice and weakness in 
 our fellow-men ? How much misery might be saved by it. 
 How many false friends we should be warned against. 
 How many unsuitable marriages avoided. How many 
 less unfortunates have reason to cry out in future years, 
 " Had we but known ! " 
 
 William and Charles Stopford were the sons of an old 
 friend of my father's mother, who was a widow, living a 
 few miles from us, and she considered them in a measure 
 placed under her care. Their father was a merchant 
 resident in the Brazils, and he had sent them home to 
 England for their education. William was studying 
 commercial business in order to be able to help his 
 father, and Charles was to go to college and become 
 a clergyman. Well, they made our acquaintance, and 
 it was the beginning of the end. Naturally, the first 
 interview was commonplace enough, but it was soon 
 followed, on William's part, by a second and a third, until 
 he spent every hour he could steal away from bus- 
 iness at our cottage. How or when he first began to 
 " make love " (as it is called) to me, it would be impossible 
 for me to say. I cannot remember that there was any 
 particular moment when he asked me if I loved him, or 
 would be his wife. We seemed (like the children we 
 were) to grow gradually and unconsciously to the conclu- 
 sion that we liked each other better than any one else. 
 William used to visit us on every possible occasion, and 
 walk about the little suburban garden with me, or along 
 the quiet roads. Sometimes he would bring me trifling 
 presents — a book, a cheap trinket, or a bunch of flowers 
 — occasionally, too, he would kiss me when we found 
 ourselves quite alone. I blushed, maybe, on the receipt 
 of those kisses, but they had no power to stir my blood. 
 I remained as quiescent under them as though he had 
 been another girl. My mother (who had her own pur- 
 
12 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 suits and was glad, doubtless, to get rid of two awkward, 
 half-grown girls) used to let Letty and me wander about 
 as we chose, and never inquired where we had been. 
 And William and I considered Letty next to nobody at 
 all. She was an excellent « gooseberry picker," and never 
 seemed to hear or see anything that was going on. At 
 last, however, my grandmother came to hear of the 
 state of affairs, and drove over from Warnley in great 
 pomp and with much indignation, to ask my mother 
 what she meant by allowing it. Then the storm burst. 
 My mother's temper came to the front, and she raged at 
 me and called me all sorts of names. I wept, but insisted 
 I had done no wrong, and "William Stopford, finding 
 we were to be separated, spoke out and asked leave for 
 us to be engaged to one another. How often I wished 
 afterwards that they had given a deliberate refusal. 
 But the elders met again for consultation. The young 
 man was bound tb go out to the Brazils the following 
 spring, and would be absent some years. But his father 
 was a rich man, and the match was likely to prove a 
 good one. My grandmother had a great idea of old Mr. 
 Stopford — I think he must have been an admirer of her 
 youth — and she considered William far too good for me. 
 So it was finally decided to refer the matter to his father 
 and mother. After some delay the answer came. Mr. 
 Stopford consented to the engagement between us, so 
 long as the marriage did not take place until his son had 
 attained the age of twenty-two. In the Brazils, he 
 averred, the sooner a young Englishman was married the 
 better, but William must join his family and settle down 
 to business first. My mother declared that nothing coidd 
 be kinder, nor more reasonable, and I thought so too. 
 But I knew afterwards why Mr. Stopford had good 
 reason to consider the connection (notwithstanding my 
 want of fortune) as far better than any of his children 
 had the right to expect. However, the deed was done. 
 William Stopford put a ring of turquoises on my 
 unformed hand, and I was considered to be his affianced 
 wife. May God forgive all those who took part in 
 bringing about so iniquitous a transaction. Of course I 
 considered myself a fortunate girl. I was anything but 
 nappy at home — we none of us were — for my mother's 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 13 
 
 violent and easily aroused temper turned the house Into 
 a pandemonium, and I thought it rather a fine thing to 
 be engaged before my elder sisters, and tried to persuade 
 myself that I was very much in love with my future hus- 
 band. I looked forward to the life in the Brazils, which 
 William described to me, as an emancipation from every- 
 thing that was disagreeable in the present, and amused 
 myself with day-dreams of all that I should see and do 
 there. As to having any serious thoughts about the 
 duties I had pledged myself to tmdertake, that was out of 
 the question. I did not know what they were. I had 
 no better idea of marriage than a baby. Neither had I 
 any idea of love. I was pleased and proud when WUliam 
 visited me. I liked to hear people say, " Mollie Malmai- 
 son is engaged," and to listen to the jests that usually 
 follow a young couple ; but I kissed him with the same 
 equanimity that I did Letty, and no word or look of his 
 had the power to make me t;remble. It was not my 
 fault or his. The fault lay with those who had permitted 
 a child to be placed in so false a position. My nature 
 was not yet awake, and it did' not awake for many years 
 aiterwards. 
 
14 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER n. 
 
 I EDUCATE MYSELF. 
 
 The first unpleasantness that took place after my en- 
 gagement arose from the return home of my sisters. I 
 have not mentioned my elder sisters yet, because they were 
 all from home. There were three of them beside Letty, 
 Charlotte, the eldest of all, was married to a clergyman 
 and lived in Devonshire. The next two, Annie and 
 Elinor, had been making a stay of several months with 
 their brother and his wife, and it was during their ab- 
 sence that my engagement had been arranged. As soon 
 as they returned home my mother announced the fact 
 to them, and they were indignant at the idea. They 
 were several years older than myself, and they had never 
 been very kind to me, but now they were positively 
 insulting. Their jealousy of my being engaged to be 
 married before themselves made them not only bitter, 
 but cruel. With their larger experience of men and man- 
 ners, they saw all the faults of my young fiance at a 
 glance, and ridiculed him openly. 
 
 "Absurd nonsense," Annie would exclaim. "Why, 
 he's nothing but a schoolboy. He has not the slightest 
 idea of the manners of society. Did you see how he 
 bowed when mamma introduced him to Lady Locock. 
 Elmor?" 
 
 "Well, what canyon expect? He is only a counter- 
 ^"umper," Elinor would reply. "I can't even see that he 
 IS good-looking ; and if he is there are thousands of good 
 looking shop-boys about London." 
 
 " He is not a shop-boy," I cried indignantly ; "he is in 
 Mr. Twyning's office only to learn the business, and 
 grandmamma says he will be one of the richest merchants 
 in the Brazils when his father dies." 
 
 "Well, what is a merchant but a shopman?" replied 
 Elinor. "However, it would be all the same if William 
 
TEE NOBLER SEX. 15 
 
 Stopford were a prince ; any one could see he's a fool — ^he 
 can't talk upon the simplest subject, and he's the stingiest 
 fellow with his pocket money I ever came across. He 
 loves that better than he does you, Mollie." 
 
 Thus would my elder sisters laugh at my lover's per- 
 sonal appearance, at his manners, his youth and vapid 
 conversation, until they made me miserable. At the 
 same time they tried their best to usurp me in his estima- 
 tion by flirting openly with him, especially Annie, who 
 still remains the old maid of the family and bitterly 
 censorious of all those who have passed her in the race 
 of life. They abused my mother for permitting such a 
 piece of folly, recommended her to send me to a board- 
 ing-school, and embraced every opportunity of comment- 
 ing on my youth, my plainness and my want of education, 
 until I felt as if both my lover and myself were too 
 ridiculous. Yet they could not make me disloyal to my 
 word. Had I wanted an iacentive to make me faithful 
 to William Stopford, their jeers provided it. I burned 
 inwardly under a semi-conviction that they were right 
 in their judgment, but I would not let it influence me, 
 because it was delivered so unkindly. I often wondered 
 if what they said was true, and William's love for me 
 was only " calf love," which the first pretty woman he 
 met in the Brazils would make him forget, or that so 
 long a time must elapse before we were married that I 
 should be an ugly old maid when it took place — if it ever 
 took place at all. But still I was engaged to him and 
 engaged I meant to remain. The time arrived for my 
 lover to sail, and I cannot remember being very unhappy 
 at his departure, except at the prospect of the dull 
 stretch of time that must elapse before he came back, to 
 take me out with him to commence that happy life in the 
 BrazUs. He went, after having presented me with a 
 church service (which I ever after preserved in a velvet 
 cover ) as a parting present. I used to be very indignant 
 when my sisters called him mean and stingy, but I have 
 often thought since that, considering the liberal allowance 
 his father made Mm, he spent very httle upon me. " And 
 if these things are done in the green tree, what shall be 
 done m the dry ? " Just what might be expected. The 
 close-fisted lover is not likely to make a generous bus- 
 
16 TME NOBLER SEX. 
 
 band. ■William Stopford has been through life a parsi- 
 monious, narrow-minded and bigoted man. It sounds a 
 hard judgment, but it is a true one, and if I am to be 
 true to myself I must be true to others. Yet my fancy 
 had idealized him into something so generous and warm- 
 hearted that, if his faults had an unpleasant habit occasion- 
 ally of thrusting themselves mider my notice, I used to 
 cover them up quickly, and accuse myself of want of 
 charity. As soon as my lover was gone I sat down to 
 study in real earnest. My engagement had been produc- 
 tive of at least one good — ^it had made more of a woman 
 of me and opened my eyes to my shortcomings. I was 
 quite aware how I had wasted my opportunities and how 
 much I had to learn, and whilst pursuing a course of 
 systematic study I did not leave myself much time for 
 idle regret. I used to shut myself up in my own room 
 for half the day whilst I patiently pounded through long 
 dry treatises on history, geography, grammar and elocu- 
 tion, or varied the monotony of my self-imposed tasks by 
 an hour with my beloved poets or novelists, or by culti- 
 vating music, for which I had a decided taste. But I 
 had not much incentive for mixing in the family circle at 
 that period, for it was not a cheerful one. My brother 
 Henry, who had always been a wild reckless sort of fel- 
 low, had run through all his money and been compelled to 
 sacrifice his father's estate and take his wife and children 
 to America. Like the frog in the fable, he had tried to 
 emulate the ox, and had ended by burstiag himself. My 
 sisters, Annie and Elinor, who had almost entirely lived 
 with him since their father's death, were thrown com- 
 pletely on my mother's hands, and as her income was 
 limited, she grumbled incessantly at the extra expense 
 in her household accounts. She seemed to grudge us 
 even the common necessaries of life, and would sigh 
 heavily if we demanded a second helping of meat at din- 
 ner or sometMng more substantial than bread and butter 
 at supper. As we were all healthy growing girls, with 
 good appetites, we felt the hardship keenly, and my 
 thoughts, for one, were often directed towards the flesh- 
 pots and garlic of the Brazils, and my soul longed not 
 for Wilham Stopford, but for liberty and an unlimited 
 table. And our intellectual pleasures did not make up 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 17 
 
 for the lack of material ones. "We never went to any 
 parties or theatres on our own account, as my mother 
 averred that she could neither afford dresses nor cab 
 hire. And if a friend sometimes took compassion on our 
 monotonous lives and invited us to her house or to accom- 
 pany her to places of amusement, it was always Annie 
 or Elinor, or even Letty, who went before myself. 
 " Mollie is engaged," they would cry, " and engaged girls 
 have no right to go to dances or theatres whilst their 
 Jianc&s are absent. Why, WiUiam Stopford may be 
 dead at this very moment. How can she tell with so 
 many thousand miles between them ? It is clearly Mol- 
 lie's duty to stay at home now and give us the chance of 
 forming engagements for ourselves." 
 
 And I would acknowledge the fairness of the argu- 
 ment, however much it disappointed me, and retire to my 
 room again and to the perusal of Macaulay's Essays, or 
 Mommsen's " History of Rome," or to dream a little of 
 the future, perhaps, and of the fine handsome man into 
 which William Stopford would have developed by the 
 time we met again. Thus you may say that I never was 
 a gh"l, indulging in a girl's pleasures and pursuits. I 
 leapt at one bound from a child in the schoolroom to the 
 responsibilities of a married woman. From the moment 
 I became engaged to Wmiam Stopford my fate was 
 sealed, without a chance of rupture. I could hardly have 
 been kept more closely in a pacha's harem. I never 
 spoke to, or danced with — ^hardly ever saw — another 
 man. I certainly never had the opportunity to compare 
 my affianced husband with any others of his sex. I 
 went to him as ignorant of the world and its many 
 charms as when we met. Had they but accorded me my 
 liberty the bandage might, nay, it would, have been torn 
 from my eyes. Are such fatal mistakes ordered for us, 
 or do we make them for ourselves ? Is this world the 
 hell that has been pictured to us, and are its burning 
 tortures the expiation of our sins ? Let us hope so. It 
 is hardly possible that a just Creator could condemn his 
 creatures to pass through such misery twice. My mother 
 was a strange creature, so incomprehensible in her moods 
 that I never wondered that my father had been unable to 
 live with her. She longed to get rid of her daughters, 
 
18 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 and was for ever throwing the fact in their teeth that 
 nobody came to marry them. And yet she refused to 
 entertain any friends at her house, and if a young man. 
 took a fancy to either of my sisters and tried to follow 
 up the acquaintance by a call, she received him with such 
 black looks and scant hospitality that he seldom ventured 
 to show his face a second time. What induced her to 
 behave in such an extraordinary manner I never could 
 understand. As time went on she seemed positively to 
 grow to hate her elder daughters. 7" was looked upon as 
 a temporary inconvenience only, and treated in conse- 
 quence with greater forbearance. But with Annie, EU- 
 nor, and Letitia she openly quarrelled — reviling them for 
 their want of luck in the marriage lottery, while she gave 
 them no chance of drawing a prize. They were all hand- 
 some and intelligent women, but the men who would 
 have proposed for them were too much afraid of my 
 mother to visit the house. 
 
 How often mothers stand in the way of their daugh- 
 ters' settlement in life ! How many men look from the 
 blooming, slender, sweet-smiling maiden, to the red-faced, 
 stout and cross-grained mother and wonder if her appar- 
 ent intelligence and readiness to please will culminate in 
 the other's inane conversation, harsh voice and defiance 
 of her lord and master. When the daughters become 
 marriageable the parents should (as a rule) be hidden 
 away somewhere. The chaperons who sally forth in 
 charge of the white-fleeced lambs to market are fre- 
 quently the very cause why the flock has to be driven 
 imder shelter again when nightfall comes. 
 
 So great a difference is there betwixt then and now. 
 So the years dragged themselves wearily away, and I 
 looked forward feverishly to the hour of my emancipa- 
 tion from home life, and was only anxious to fit myself 
 for the society I was about to enter. So far so good. 
 My early engagement had made me rectify the deficien- 
 cies of my bringing up, and at seventeen I was a self- 
 educated yoimg woman, and though I could hardly have 
 graduated at Girton perhaps, I knew a great deal more 
 than most girls of my age. One thing rather disturbed 
 me at this period, and that was the inefficiency of my 
 lover's letters. They came regularly and were affection- 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 19 
 
 ate enough — ^that is to satisfy me — but his grammar was 
 very unsatisfactory, and his composition (to say the least 
 of it) uniaterestiQg. I can remember how anxious I al- 
 ways was to keep them from the scrutiny of my sisters, 
 and how I used to grow hot, even when alone, to see 
 that he wrote " where " for " were," or faUed to omit the 
 " e " in the present participle of the verb " to come." 
 
 Schoolboy errors doubtless — ^but then William was no 
 longer a schoolboy, but fast approaching the age which 
 Mr. Stopford had ftxed for our marriage. It was strange 
 I had not noticed these deficiencies in his education until 
 he left me. But he had had very little need to write to 
 me whilst iu England, neither was I so well able to dis- 
 cern his errors till I had corrected my own. But now, in 
 the light of my newly-acquired knowledge, I saw them 
 all too plainly. It gave me a nasty twinge, but I re- 
 flected these were trifles that I could easily correct, and 
 used to try how many times I could introduce the out- 
 raged word in my answer, so as to impress William with 
 its orthography. But I do not think I ever succeeded in 
 doing so. At the end of two years, however, my mother 
 began to think that the engagement had lasted long 
 enough, and it was time the burden of supporting me was 
 taken off her hands. I believe she and my grandmother 
 held some private communication with Mr. Stopford on 
 the subject, the upshot of which was that a letter was 
 received from him to say that, if his son William (who 
 was only just settling down to business) were to leave 
 Rio de la Plancha at so early a stage of his mercantile 
 career, it might ruin his future prospects. He therefore 
 proposed that I should be sent out to the Brazils to 
 the care of his wife — ^whom he declared to be ready to 
 receive me as a mother — and that his son should marry 
 me from his own house. The old gentleman inclosed a 
 check for two hundred pounds to pay for my passage and 
 outfit, and expressed a hope that I should join them at 
 the first favourable opportunity. 
 
 More confabulations on the subject passed between the 
 elders of the family, and then, when they had settled 
 everything to their own satisfaction (and not before), 
 their decision was made known to me. 
 
 At first I was indignant at the proposal and absolutely 
 
20 THM NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 refused to accept it. We Malmaisons were a proud and 
 haughty family who had never stooped to accept favours 
 from our friends, and I felt insulted to think that any 
 one but my mother should pay for my trousseau and 
 passage, or that I should be married anywhere indeed, 
 except, like other girls, from home. I begged her to 
 send the cheque straight back again to Mr. Stopford, 
 with a message that if his son could not come back to 
 England to fetch me, I refused to be married to him 
 at all. And I know there was a lurking hope in my 
 heart the while, that this contretemps might break 
 off the engagement altogether. But my mother soon 
 brought me to my senses. Instead of sympathising 
 with my natural pride in my family and myself, she 
 flew into one of her violent tempers, and declared if I 
 refused to take advantage of the opportunity offered to 
 me, she should send me at once off to a second-rate 
 boarding-school. She intended to leave her present 
 abode and take my sisters to live at a fashionable 
 seaport town, where military and naval officers were as 
 plentiful as blackberries, and she was not going to let 
 me interfere with their prospects. She extolled the 
 wisdom and generosity of Mr. Stopford, Senior, and the 
 virtues of Mr. Stopford, Junior, and declared that if I 
 threw away this lucky chance and refused to fulfil my 
 engagement, I should disgrace her and myself. 
 
 And then Annie and Elinor (who wanted me at home 
 no more than my mother did) joined their persuasions 
 to hers. 
 
 What did I want more ? they asked shrilly. Here had 
 I wasted two good years over this stupid engagement 
 and might waste fifty more, if I waited for William 
 Stopford to come back for me. How could he come back, 
 unless his father gave him the means, and what was the 
 use of wasting the money when I could just as weU go 
 out to him? It was done every day. Flo Rushton had 
 joined young Playfair in Bengal, only the year before, 
 and her mother expected her home with her baby in the 
 spring. It was absurd my making such a fuss about a 
 trifle. I ought to be very thankful my mother was saved 
 the expense of providing my outfit. I must know that, 
 had she to do it, they would suffer. In fact it was dig- 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 21 
 
 gustingly selfish of me to make any objection at all, and 
 aU they hoped was that if I threw up this chance I 
 should never get another. 
 
 And so, between my mother's and sisters' evident 
 desire to get rid of me and my own anxiety to leave 
 home, I was brought at last to consent to their wishes. 
 
 Letty, indeed, did not take any part in driving me 
 away. Letty and I had always been good friends, and 
 she and my little terrier Bob were the only two creatures 
 whom I was likely to regret. When Letty leaned over 
 me with the tears trembling in her large dark eyes, and 
 Bob scratched impatiently to get upon my lap, I felt too 
 great a coward to leave them and go out into the wide 
 world alone, but my mother's and elder sisters' sarcasm 
 rang in my ears and kept me resolute. And I had no 
 sooner given my consent to the proposal than the thing 
 was done. Before the end of the week a passage had 
 been secured for me to Rio de la Plancha, and my wed- 
 ding trousseau put in hand. Presents and congratula- 
 tions commenced to come in from the different members 
 of the family and I was engaged in making my last prep- 
 arations. The news of my approaching marriage had 
 been publicly announced, and it was too late lo draw 
 back again. 
 
22 THE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 CHAPTEE m. 
 
 I CROSS THE SBA. 
 
 As soon as I had reconciled myself to the idea of going 
 out to the Brazils alone I began, with the light-hearted- 
 ness of youth, to believe it was the best thing that could 
 happen to me. Why should I grieve, I argued with my- 
 self, over a prospect which evidently afforded my family 
 the greatest relief ? As the day for my starting for Rio 
 de la Plancha drew near, I experienced some natural 
 regret at leaving my country and my friends — some 
 natural fear at going among strangers. But if I must 
 teU the truth, my deepest sorrow, my heaviest tears, were 
 reserved for parting with my faithful little terrier Bob 
 (the mother of the immortal puppies whose tails had 
 been hung upon the dresser hooks), and who had so 
 sadly belied the name bestowed upon her infancy by 
 produciQg a family. Mrs. Bob had been my companion 
 and my pet and the recipient of a large portion of my 
 affection for many years, and the knowledge that I could 
 not take my dog with me had been a great stumbling- 
 block in the way of my going out to the Brazils. When 
 the very day of parting arrived, I managed to kiss my 
 mother and sisters and bid God bless them through my 
 tears, but I could not trust myself to say good-bye to 
 Mrs. Bob. I let her creep into my bed that morning — in 
 general a strictly forbidden indulgence — and covering 
 her up with the bedclothes, locked my door and ran 
 downstairs and left her sleeping there. Peace to your 
 ashes ! my little Bob. You died with all my happiness, 
 and I never saw you any more. My mother accom- 
 panied me to Liverpool, and left me on board a steamer 
 called the " Juan Fernandez " and under the charge of a 
 lady named Mrs. Buschmann, who had consented to chap- 
 eron me across the Atlantic. I soon found, however 
 that her self-imposed duty was a sinecure, for she had 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 23 
 
 four small children of her own to look after, and scarcely 
 ever left her cabin during the voyage. When I had 
 recovered from my first grief and my first mal de mer, I 
 began to enjoy my position. Sometimes I think it was 
 one of the happiest episodes in my Ufe — certainly the 
 most free from care. Escaped from the carping temper 
 of my mother and the jealons sarcasm of my sisters, I 
 found myself for the first time in my existence regarded 
 as some one of importance, and I abandoned myself to 
 please and to be pleased. The vessel was a large one 
 and carried forty or fifty first-class passengers, amongst 
 whom I soon had plenty of friends. I made no secret of 
 my destination, nor the reason for which I was going 
 there, and was delighted to find I was treated with the 
 respect due to an engaged young lady. Everybody 
 seemed to consider I was far too young to be married, 
 and I think a few of my fellow-passengers were surprised 
 to find a daughter of Mr. Malmaison, the well-known 
 scientist and philosopher, in such a situation ; but I was 
 too light-hearted to heed the whispers that went on con- 
 cerning me. The dehghtful feeling of liberty and re- 
 sponsibility that environed me — ^the consciousness that I 
 was no longer a schoolgirl, but a grown up woman — the 
 new scenes I witnessed — the new acquaintances I made 
 — all combined to intoxicate and elate me. Mrs. Busch- 
 mann was no restraint upon my actions. I referred to 
 her occasionally as my chaperon, but we scarcely ever 
 saw each other. I danced and sang and talked and 
 flirted to my heart's content all day long, and thought 
 each hour more delightful than the last. These pro- 
 miscuous and unrestrained friendships, however, were 
 not without their consequences. Among the many young 
 men who laid themselves out to please me during the 
 voyage was one called Mr. Lawson. He sought my com- 
 pany from the very first, and before long we had told 
 each other all we could concerning our two selves. He 
 knew that I was on my way out to marry "WiUiam Stop- 
 ford, of Kio de la Plancha, and I that he was simply a 
 rover — a gentleman at large, who had lately succeeded 
 to a comfortable property and had taken a fancy to 
 travel in South America. He was a good-looking young 
 fellow of about four or five and twenty, with a tall 
 
24 THE NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 graceful figure, grey-blue eyes — not too large — dark hair 
 and delicate features. But of his personal characteristics 
 I thought very little. Of what account were they to the 
 afllanced wife of William Stopf ord ? It was his versatile 
 talent that attracted me, and the quick sympathy that 
 never clashed with my own opinions. We discovered 
 that we loved the same authors and the same music, and 
 though Mr. Lawson, having come straight from Oxford, 
 was far my superior in every branch of learning, I found 
 to my great delight that I was not so much behind him, 
 but that I had the capability of appreciatiug and under- 
 standing all that he ventured to teach me. He was a 
 deeply religious thinker too, for so young a man, and 
 used to combat my indifference on the subject (for I 
 regret to say I was very indifferent about religion at 
 that time) tiU he almost persuaded me to be a Christian. 
 It may be well imagined that I found him a companion 
 after my own heart. We used to sit together on the 
 deck of the " Juan Fernandez " every evening, till the 
 order for " All lights out " drove us regretfi:dly to our 
 cabins, discussing poetry and theology and a dozen 
 different subjects, on which Mr. Lawson appeared never 
 tired of drawing out my girlish ideas. But yet I did 
 not imagine that he regarded me in any light but that of 
 a pleasant acquaintance, until the evening before we 
 sighted Rio de la Plancha, when, as we were sitting on 
 one of the paddle-boxes, watching the creamy foam 
 thrown upon the dark blue waters, Mr. Lawson, under 
 cover of the long mantle I wore, slid his hand gently 
 into mine. We had been rather sUent that evening, or 
 perhaps he had. Anyhow our usual sparkling conversa- 
 tion had flagged and once or twice I had heard my com- 
 panion sigh. But I had not been prepared for his final 
 action and drew my hand away at once. Though had I 
 followed my inclination, I would rather have left it 
 there, because I liked him, as a friend, so very, very much. 
 
 " You must not do that," I said reprovingly. 
 
 " Why not ? " asked Mr. Lawson, turning his soft grey 
 eyes upon me. 
 
 " Oh, Mr. Lawson, you know as well as I do. I have 
 told you again and again, I am engaged to be married 
 to Mr. Stopford." 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 25 
 
 At this Mr. Lawson broke out into a ferrent declara- 
 tion which I was quite powerless to stop. He told me 
 that he cared nothing for my engagement — ^that he was 
 sure I did not love my intended husband, that he adored 
 me to distraction and wished to make me his wife, and 
 that if I would consent to go on shore with him at Rio 
 de la Plancha, he would place me under the charge of 
 some of his friends there until we could be married and 
 leave it together. It was a mad scheme, born of a man's 
 consuming passion ; but though I resisted his proposal, 
 it affected me deeply. 
 
 I liked Gervase Lawson. He was a young man of the 
 world who had seen the best side of life, and he was 
 bright and intelligent and companionable, and appeared 
 to me to be a most desirable husband for any girl. But 
 I was not in love with him, and had not the slightest 
 intention of breaking my promise to "William Stopford. 
 I was an honourable girl at that time, and would have 
 cried shame on myself for playing him false for the 
 sake of another man. Still, I can remember that more 
 than one tear rose to my eyes at having to disappoint 
 Mr. Lawson, and that I felt a little sorry to think I was 
 engaged. I advanced the tremendous argument against 
 a possible breach of faith that all the articles of my 
 trousseau were marked with my future name, which 
 must have appeared very childish ia my lover's eyes. 
 Of course he told me to throw all the horrid things into 
 the sea, and trust to him to provide me with everything 
 I might require in the future. But he could not per- 
 suade me to be faithless, though I believe fear of what 
 everybody would say was the chief thing that preserved 
 my fidelity. The Malmaisons might be poor and disa- 
 greeable and plain, but they had never been known to 
 do mean or dishonourable actions. Even my scapegrace 
 brother Harry had only wasted his own substance in 
 riotous living. He had defrauded no man, and injured 
 no man but himself, or he would not have been reduced 
 to poverty and expatriation. 
 
 Finding that none of my arguments had any effect 
 upon Mr. Lawson, I told him, like a silly girl, that I 
 would not because I would not, and parted with him 
 under something very like a quarrel. He left me with a 
 
26 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 hasty reproach for the intimacy I had permitted to 
 grow up unchecked between us, and I went to my cabin 
 and cried myself to sleep, and wished to goodness I had 
 never met him. Would it have been better for me if I 
 had not been quite so honourable and yielded to my 
 natural impulse to love this man who had attached him- 
 self to me? I think it would— better for me and for 
 "William Stopford. But the Fates, who exist only to 
 entangle the threads of life, interfered to prevent it. 
 I preserved my honour so far, but I laid up a bitter 
 future for myself. I dreaded- with aU my heart meeting 
 Mr. Lawson again, and was relieved on the following 
 morning, when we woke to find ourselves anchored off 
 Rio de la Plancha, to hear that he had left the vessel at 
 daylight. All then was bustle and confusion, and httle 
 time was left me to think of anything but my expected 
 meeting with my promised husband. I believed naturally 
 that William would make a point of being the first to 
 welcome me to my new home. My fellow-passengers 
 were all excitement as boat after boat arrived with 
 husbands, fathers, or brothers to take them ashore. But 
 I stood there, feeling like a stranger and an alien amidst 
 the fast decreasing crowd, until one of the officers of the 
 vessel handed me a letter, which had been brought on 
 board by a native servant. I read it and my blood 
 boiled. It was from my future father-in-law, to the 
 effect that he regretted not being able to welcome me to 
 Rio de la Plancha in person, but that his wife was suf- 
 fering from fever, and he was obliged to accompany her 
 to the hills ; that William was expected to reach Rio de 
 la Plancha in the course of the week, and meanwhile he 
 confided me to the care of his married daughter, 
 Madame Muchas, who would be ready to receive me on 
 arrival, and from whose house they had decided it 
 would be best for the marriage to take place, as Mrs. 
 Stopford was in delicate health, and quite unfit to 
 undertake the trouble attendant on a wedding. 
 
 This letter was accompanied by a slip of paper, on 
 which was written in a very unformed hand that the 
 bearer was a servant of Sefiora Muchas, and would 
 conduct Miss Malmaison to her house. 
 
 These epistles deeply offended me. Young as I was, 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 27 
 
 I detected the slur cast on me by them at once, and had 
 Mr. Lawson not left the " Juan Fernandez," I believe I 
 should have asked him to let me reconsider my decision. 
 I saw that I had placed myself In a position whence I 
 had no power to resent an insult, and that I was about 
 to meet people who were not well bred enough to know 
 when they offended one. 
 
 Who were these Stopfords, I asked myself, who dared 
 to receive the daughter of Thomas Malmaison as if she 
 had been a servant ? All my sisters' sarcastic remarks 
 about " shopkeepers " and " underbred Brazilians " 
 came back to my mind as with a swelling heart I set 
 about my preparations to go ashore. 
 
 I shoidd have liked to have refused to do so altogether, 
 but I had no alternative. I had no right to remain on 
 the vessel, and no one but Madame Muchas to go to ; so 
 my luggage was placed in the boat which the servant 
 Pablito had brought for me, and as we landed on the 
 jetty he placed me in a hired carriage, which had soon 
 rolled rapidly through the town and entered the open 
 coimtry. As I drove along I tried to recall what 
 William had written me concerning Madame Muchas. 
 She was his eldest sister, I knew, and her name was 
 Caroline, and she was married to a Brazilian gentleman. 
 But that was all. Not one line of greeting or congratu- 
 lation had I ever received from any of the female 
 members of the Stopford family, and I had an instinctive 
 knowledge that they were not prepared to like me. 
 The country through which I drove was beautiful, but 
 I had no heart at that moment to admire scenery. My 
 mind was entirely filled with the idea of the meeting 
 before me. At last the carriage turned into a large 
 wooden gate, and stopped before a low white building, 
 which was environed by leafy mango and cashew trees, 
 and surrounded by beds blossoming with white myrtles, 
 scarlet cacti and olive-like camaras. It was sheltered 
 by a broad verandah, which ran roimd three sides of it, 
 and the windows were shaded by green jalousies, care- 
 fully closed to exclude the heat. Anxious to get the 
 ordeal of meeting over, I leapt from the carriage, and 
 was ushered by a native servant into a large bare-looking 
 apartment. It was papered with white, but no orna- 
 
28 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 ments or pictures decorated the walls. The floor was 
 matted and the furniture was chiefly made of bamboo. 
 On an ebony table ta the centre of the room stood a large 
 vase of the most gorgeous flowers and a couple of Span- 
 ish newspapers. Otherwise the room bore no signs of 
 occupation. 
 
 "Madame Muchas?" I said interrogatively, as I stood 
 on the threshold. The servant motioned me to take a 
 chair and said a few words which were unintelligible to 
 me, but no one else appeared to welcome me. I sat 
 down, not knowing whether I felt more heart-sick, or 
 indignant, and repeated my question at greater length. 
 
 " Where is your mistress, Madame Muchas ? GrO and 
 tell her Miss Malmaison has arrived." The man could 
 not imderstand my words, but he must have caught 
 their meaning, for he bowed and left the room, return- 
 ing a moment after with a female servant, who told me 
 in very broken English, that madame would be with me 
 as soon as possible. I nodded my head in answer, and 
 bit my lip and sat there feeling very much neglected and 
 hurt. Presently I saw two dusky little children with 
 large black eyes and yellow skins peering at me through 
 the open doorway. They were dressed in nothing but a 
 little cotton garment, that reached to their knees, and a 
 pair of shoes. Their brown naked legs and arms were 
 very thin, and their faces struck me as cunning and un- 
 pleasant. I am fond of children as a rule, but I could 
 not feel drawn towards these two strange-looking little 
 creatures, who stared at me and chattered to each other 
 in Spanish, and whom I concluded to belong to one of the 
 servants of the establishment. I took no notice of them 
 whatever indeed, but sat there for nearly an hour, wait- 
 ing the advent of my future sister-in-law, and feeling 
 that I should have a crow to pluck with WnUam, when 
 we met again, for having subjected me to such an insult. 
 At last Madame Muchas appeared and startled me be- 
 yond measure. She was a short, stout woman of about 
 thirty, with jet black eyes and hair, an olive complexion, 
 and brown hands and arms that unmistakably portrayed 
 the signs of native blood, even to one so untutored as 
 myself. Her voice too was most unpleasant. She spoke 
 in a shrill, high key, without one soft cadence, and her 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 29 
 
 mouth was over full of large long teeth. To add to my 
 horror, the two half-naked children who had heen peer- 
 ing at me from the verandah, saluted her with a cry of 
 " Mamalita," and sprang forward to cling to her skirts. 
 These then were aU my future relatives. I was so con- 
 founded I could hardly find words in which to address 
 Madame Muchas. I disliked her from the moment of 
 our meeting, and from the insolent stare with which she 
 regarded me, I could see that the feeling was reciprocal. 
 She opened her black eyes and looked at me as if I were 
 a wild beast, and elevated her brows at everything I 
 said. 
 
 " So you are Miss Malmaison," she commenced, as she 
 extended a pudgy hand covered with diamond rings, for 
 my acceptance. "I suppose you received my papa's 
 letter." 
 
 "Naturally," I answered, "or I should not be here. 
 And I was very much surprised to receive it into the 
 bargain." 
 
 " Indeed ! May I ask you why ? Papa appears to have 
 made a most admirable arrangement for you." 
 
 "It may be admirable, but it is not what he led me 
 and my mother to expect. The agreement was, that I 
 was to be married from his house. She would not have 
 allowed me to come out under any other circumstances." 
 
 " Indeed ! " with elevated eyebrows. " Nobody here 
 thought you would be so particular. But then we are 
 not used to receive young ladies mider such peculiar cir- 
 cumstances. I am sorry you do not approve of papa's 
 arrangements. He has been put to expense enough over 
 the affair, I am sure." 
 
 I tried to swallow down my indignation as I asked : 
 
 " When is William expected, and why is he not here 
 to welcome me?" 
 
 " Are you in such a terrible hurry to get married ? " 
 demanded Madame Muchas with a sneering smile, for 
 which I should have liked to fell her to the ground. 
 
30 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER rV. 
 
 I AM MA.KBI£D. 
 
 I HAD wished and intended to be civU, but her undis- 
 guised rudeness made me as bad as herself. " There was 
 a time when I may have been," I answered quickly, " but 
 circumstances alter cases. In coming out to Rio de la 
 Plancha, I sacrificed my pride to what I was led to be- 
 lieve were the wishes of William's family, but I am not 
 sure that I do not already regret it." 
 
 Then she seemed to think that she had gone too far, 
 for she said hastily, " Oh ! no ! you mustn't say that, or 
 my brother will scold you. We expect him early next 
 week ; indeed he may be here at any time. He went up 
 the river a fortnight ago, but he has been unexpectedly 
 detained. But he concluded you would make yourself at 
 home with us tUl he could return." 
 
 " What is the matter with Mrs. Stopford," I asked 
 brusquely, " that she was unable to remain here? " 
 
 Madame Muchas shrugged her shoulders. 
 
 " MamaUta is not strong and she is — ^well, she is not 
 very patient. I do not think she could be worried with 
 the fuss of a wedding. The idea distracted her, and papa 
 could do nothing but take her away." 
 
 " In fact she has left Rio de la Plancha on purpose to 
 avoid the trouble of receiving me." 
 
 "Well! what matter if she did? The marriage can 
 take place from here just as well. I suppose you do not 
 desire to make a great festival of it. Miss Malmaison." 
 
 " I desire nothing but to get it over, as quietly and 
 quickly as possible," I answered irritably, " and to feel I 
 am dependent on no one but my husband." 
 
 " Oh !— so ! " ejaculated Madame Muchas, and then she 
 added offensively, "But you are not yourself perhaps. 
 The fatigue and excitement have upset you a little. You 
 will like to retire to you own room." 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 31 
 
 "Above all things," I cried, as I rose to follow my 
 hostess. She conducted me to a large, airy apartment, 
 suitable to the climate, and stood for a moment side by side 
 with me before the mirror. We formed a vivid contrast. 
 I, with my fair skin and pale face, and she, so dark and 
 dirty-looking. Madame Muchas seemed to perceive the 
 difference between us, for she shrunk back again hastily, 
 and I could not help saying : 
 
 " How very unlike you are to "William. I should never 
 have taken you for brother and sister." 
 
 " Ah ! my brother William," she reiterated, " he and 
 Carlos are the only two that take after papa. The others 
 favour Mamalita. We do not consider ourselves English, 
 although we speak the language. We are Brazilians." 
 
 " So I perceive," I replied curtly. 
 
 " And you do not lite the Brazilians," she retorted 
 " Why not say so at once ? " 
 
 ,"I know nothing about them, Madame Muchas. I 
 did not expect to meet them in William's family. Had I 
 done so, I might have made myself more familiar with 
 the subject. But I had no idea of it." 
 
 "No idea that Mamalita was a Brazilian lady — the 
 SeSora Anita Rabiero ? But your mother and your grand- 
 mother knew it, Miss Malmaison. How remiss of them 
 to keep you in ignorance." 
 
 " Perhaps they thought it was of no consequence," I 
 rejoined with assumed carelessness, " for after all I am 
 not going, I presume, to marry the whole family. So 
 long as William pleases me, the rest does not matter 
 much." 
 
 " There is no reason we should not all please you. Miss 
 Malmaison ; but I am afraid you are too proud for your 
 position. If you are so very pp.rticular I wonder you did 
 not stay and marry in England." 
 
 " I wonder at it too, sometimes, Madame Muchas ; but 
 I have been engaged to William so long that I have never 
 dreamt of not fulfilling my engagement. I was disap- 
 pointed by Mr. Stopford's change of plans, I allow ; but 
 it wiU make little difference in the end, and so let us say 
 no more about it." 
 
 But though I tried to appear brave before Madame 
 Muchas, it was all assumed, and as soon as she had left 
 
32 TBE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 me to myself, I burst into a piteous flood of tears. Oh, 
 what had I done ? Lowered myself by consenting to a 
 proposition which my nature instinctively recoiled from, 
 and laid myself open to the irony of a woman beneath 
 myself. Besides — ^besides — they were not E-nglish people. 
 They were half-breeds (..j they are termed in the Brazils) 
 and the most looked down upon of all the population — 
 people whom the pure-bred Spaniard would disdain to 
 intermarry or associate with (though this was a fact that 
 I knew nothing of till afterwards). All I cried for now 
 was to think that I had come into a family the members 
 of which were not my equals, and that my mother and 
 grandmother had known of the tainted blood, and never 
 given me the option of refusing to mix mine with it. 
 Poor MoUie Malmaison ! It was the first severe blow my 
 pride had ever received — the first time my eyes had 
 been opened to the fate I had brought on myself, and 
 I cried as if my heart would break. 
 
 I must have looked a plain enough creature that day 
 when the luncheon was annoimced, and I walked into the 
 dining-saloon, to be presented by Madame Muchas to her 
 husband. Sefior Fillipo Muchas was a typical Brazilian 
 -.-short, dark, black-eyed, and curly-haired — who saluted 
 me with many smiles and many bows and seemed in- 
 clined to make as much of me as his wife had made little. 
 But this behaviour (though soothing to my wounded 
 feelings) opened up a new difficulty in my path. Before 
 the meal was concluded, I could see that Caroline Muchas 
 was madly jealous of her polite little husband, and 
 would not permit of his paying me any attention. He 
 spoke the most broken and ridiculous English, interlarded 
 with many native words and significant gestures, but the 
 moment he opened his mouth to address me she inter- 
 rupted him flat, and took the rest of the sentence upon 
 herself. Whereupon Seiior Muchas would glance dep- 
 recatingly at me with his big black eyes, shrug his 
 shoulders slightly, and heave a gentle sigh. His wife's 
 evident desire to prevent his cultivating my acquaintance 
 had no effect upon him, for he continued (as far as he was 
 able) to make himself agreeable to me, presenting me 
 with a few flowers, and inviting me to inspect the garden 
 with him, untU Madame Muchas became so sarcastio 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 33 
 
 and unpleasant in her remarks, that I thought it wiser to 
 return to the house. The day after my arrival brought 
 me a letter from my intended husband, deeply deploring 
 the necessity which had prevented my being entertained 
 at his father's house, but hoping I should make myself 
 happy at the Muchas's for a week, when he should join 
 me. He wrote affectionately and his letter consoled me ; 
 but what a period of misery his sister contrived to make 
 that week ! After the first day she put no restraint on 
 her temper or her tongue, but flew like a spitfire at her 
 hnsband if he attempted to make things more pleasant 
 between us. It was of no use my trying to make myself 
 agreeable to the little half-breed. Everything I did or 
 said was wrong. If I sang to them, Madame Muchas 
 declared my voice was so loud it stunned her. If I 
 dressed in one of my new frocks, it was so remarkable, 
 she said, that she would not venture to go out with me 
 in it. She insisted that my skin, which was innocent of 
 all cosmetics, must be chalked, because it was so un- 
 naturally white — ^that I talked too loud and too fast — and 
 my manners were a great deal too free, especially with 
 gentlemen. These accusations, which were wholly false 
 and only born of her insensate jealousy, roused my pride 
 so much that I refused to accompany her anywhere, and 
 sat in the house, gloomy and depressed, anxiously waiting 
 the arrival of va.j fianc&. Madame Muchas did not fail 
 to let me know that the delay in her brother's appearance 
 put her to a great deal of extra expense, and it was in- 
 considerate of him to entail it. She appeared to take a 
 fierce and unnatural delight also, in setting me against 
 my approaching marriage, although she must have known 
 I had gone too far to break it off. Probably that was 
 the very reason that begot her courage, as we may have 
 seen cowards torturing the entrapped animal, which 
 they would not have dared to approach whilst it was at 
 large. It appeared after a while that she had quarrelled 
 violently with her own mother, whom she described to 
 me as a veritable termagant, who was also more than 
 half mad. She told me (watching my countenance ma- 
 liciously the while) that naturally William had told me 
 before coming up that they had mixed blood in the 
 family, and that her mother's mother had actually been 
 
 3 
 
34 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 a negress, and the mistress of a Brazilian planter, who 
 had been rich enough to make the dowry of his half- 
 breed illegitimate daughter, the Senora Anita Rabiero, 
 a sufficient inducement for the young English merchant 
 to marry her. The first announcement of this terrible 
 tnesalliance was a great shock to me. I had never heard 
 a hint breathed on the subject before leaving England, 
 though I knew afterwards that both my mother and 
 grandmother had wickedly kept it from me. Like all 
 white people, I had an instinctive horror of black blood, 
 and the idea of an alliance with it, however remote, was 
 repulsive. I daresay every drop of my own blood 
 deserted my face as I heard the intelligence, but I was a 
 plucky girl, and I would not let this spiteful woman 
 triumph over my distress. I made my moan in secret, 
 and wrote a long letter to my mother, in which I re- 
 proached her bitterly for the secrecy she had maintained 
 towards me. But on second thoughts I tore it up ; it 
 would only make my sisters laugh at, and triumph over, 
 me. It would be better to wait for William's arrival, and 
 hear what explanation he had to give. It was too late 
 for regret, for reproaches — ^too late for everything. I 
 was still of this opuiion when "William returned to Rio 
 de la Plancha. Although I did not love him very 
 ardently, I had been longing feverishly for his arrival, 
 that he might take me away from the humiliation I was 
 enduring, and as he entered the room 1 rose up joyously 
 to receive him. But my first sight of him was another 
 shock. I hardly recognized him. I should not have 
 known him unless I had been apprised of his approach. 
 The enervating climate of South America had robbed 
 him of half his boyish attractions. His skin had become 
 sallow and his hair thin. He had lost several teeth, and 
 his figure seemed to have shrunk. Instead of being 
 more manly he was less so, whilst I had developed into a 
 tall, upstanding woman, with a figure that promised to 
 be full. But after the first little disappointment (and 
 which perhaps was due more to the enlargement of my 
 mind and powers of judgment than to William's per- 
 sonal deterioration) I forgot all about his looks. He 
 had come to set me free, and he appeared to be very 
 much in love, and eager to be married, and I was so 
 
TBE NOBLER SEX. 35 
 
 anxious to get away from his sister's hateful jealousy 
 that I agreed readUy to everything that he proposed. 
 Madame Muchas and he agreed that the wedding should 
 take place within a week, and I allowed them to settle 
 it between them. Even on my marriage day Caroline 
 Muchas could not let me be in peace. It was her hus- 
 band's part to act as a father towards me, and give me 
 away at the altar, but she insisted upon accompanying 
 us in the carriage that took us to the English church, 
 and when the ceremony was over, and Senor Filippo 
 Muchas advanced to claim a paternal kiss in return for 
 his services, she almost struck her hand upon his mouth. 
 She was too stingy to give a wedding breakfast to the 
 assembled guests, but entertained them only on cake 
 and wine, for which she sent William in an account, 
 after which I laid aside my lace veil and orange 
 wreath (in which Madame Muchas said I looked ridicu- 
 lous) and prepared to accompany my husband to the 
 Mils for a fortnight's honeymoon. I am not going to 
 pretend that I was miserable from the first moment of 
 my marriage; few people are. I was not in love with 
 William Stopford, then or at any time, and I felt very 
 strange with him. A marriage after a month's intimacy 
 in a country house would have seemed less unnatural 
 and more familiar to me. I had been engaged to him 
 for two years, it is true, but we had been separated most 
 of the time and growing asunder, liked the forked branch 
 of a tree, more and more every day. We had everything 
 to tell each other during that fortnight's honeymoon, 
 but very little that was sympathetic, or that drew us 
 closer together. I was a frank, warm-hearted, open- 
 spoken girl; he was a reserved, timid and somewhat 
 priggish man, so there was little hope of our agreeing on 
 the majority of subjects. I was courageous in my 
 opinions also, which were rather decided for my age, 
 and William considered my frankness too bold and my 
 assertions too definite. However, he was in love with 
 me then, after his rather indifferent fashion, and I was 
 quite happy and contented with hiim, and wrote home 
 to England to that effect. But the strongest reason for 
 this was that I had never known anything better. I 
 was free, my life was before me, and I believed I could, 
 
36 TSE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 make it what I desired. After we had been a fortnight 
 on the hills we descended again to Rio de la Plancha to 
 pay a visit to William's parents, who had by that time 
 returned to their own home. Here again, though 
 surrounded by every luxury, and disposed to be pleased 
 with my new style of hfe, I was made generally uneasy. 
 My mother-in-law was all that her daughter had 
 described her to be, a half-caste women of a malignant 
 turn of mind, and decidedly wrong in her head ; in fact 
 she was insane for many years before her death. She 
 was not at all Uke Madame Muchas, being thin to 
 attenuation, with hollow cheeks and dark glaring eyes, 
 that seemed to follow me wherever I went. She spoke 
 very broken English, arrayed herself in the most 
 fantastic fashion, and usually contradicted everything 
 that her son or husband said. 
 
 Mr. Stopford, Senior, was the picture of an English 
 tradesman — slow, heavy, respectable, bald-headed and 
 red-faced. He appeared to have plenty of money, and 
 to spend it freely, and he never interfered with his wife 
 in any way ; in fact he was afraid of her. He was a tim- 
 ber merchant, and spent more than half the day in his 
 office, far from the reach of her cross-grained tongue, and 
 so perhaps he little guessed how much the rest of the 
 family suffered from it. But what distressed me most 
 was the discovery that Mrs. Stopford had two insane 
 brothers living in Rio de la Plancha, to whom she intro- 
 duced me as a relation — two dark-skinned, melancholy 
 individuals who lounged about their houses and gardens 
 under the surveillance of keeper-servants, who never lost 
 sight of them for a moment. To hear Mrs. Stopford 
 jauntily addressing these madmen, and rallying them on 
 their indolence, or their indifference, was ghastly. Did 
 she think to deceive me by her mode of treating them, 
 and what had been her object in introducing me to them ? 
 Like most young creatures I had a great fear of insanity 
 in any shape, and this visit quite upset me. I could not 
 conceal my distress from my husband, who had no sym- 
 pathy with it. What could it signify to me (he asked) 
 who or what his mother's relatives might be ? He revUed 
 her for taking me to see his uncles, but he was too dense 
 to understand the terrible calamities which might in con- 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 37 
 
 sequence be concealed in the future for both of us. But 
 I never told him the extent of my misery concerning it. 
 I blamed my mother deeply for not having satisfied her- 
 self on all such points before she sent me out to the Bra- 
 zils, a helpless girl, to encounter them alone ; but they 
 were beyond cure, and I felt that the wisest thing would 
 be to try and forget that they existed. One never gains 
 any good by washing one's soiled linen in the pubUc 
 view. WilUam and I were not to live in Kio de la Plan- 
 cha. When I heard that I was very glad. His father 
 had another place of business, consisting of several large 
 wharves and storage houses, at a settlement called Fingas 
 di Rey, some dozen miles up the river. These wharves 
 were under the charge of a manager named Francillon, 
 and William was next in authority imder him. He had 
 already secured a cottage there and furnished it for our 
 accommodation, and I pressed him eagerly to hurry the 
 moment when we should leave his father's house and set- 
 tle down. He was as anxious to be gone as I was. He 
 did not care for either of his parents (as he openly con- 
 fided to me), but he loved money above all earthly things, 
 and his position and advancement entirely depended upon 
 their favour. Their fortime was their own, to be left as 
 they thought fit, and the mother's fitful and capricious 
 temper so swayed the father's actions that it Was of the 
 utmost consequence to us not to offend her. So William 
 explained to me, and I dutifully followed his directions. 
 We parted good friends with all at Rio de la Plancha, 
 but I never was more thankful in my life than when I 
 found myself on the road to Fingas di Rey. How shall 
 I describe the beauty of my new home? I have travelled 
 much since, but never seen anything to equal it. The 
 wharfs were situated on the edge of a wide bay that 
 was more lovely in colours and scenery than I could tell 
 in words. Upon its tranquil purple bosom were dotted 
 tiny islets, fringed vdth grasses and blossoming with na- 
 tive flowers, whilst above it hung a canopy of the purest 
 brightest hyacinthine blue, just broken by a few fleecy 
 snow-white clouds. But our destination was beyond all 
 this. Situated above the little tovra of Fingas di Rey 
 were various wood-covered hills, on the slopes of which 
 nestled villas and cottages, erected for the occupation of 
 
38 THE NOBLMS SEX. 
 
 the European settlers, and "William had secured one of 
 these, which went by the name of " Bon Esperance." I 
 almost screamed when I saw it. A one-storeyed dwelUng 
 of white painted wood covered with a profusion of creep- 
 ers, and surrounded hy an extensive garden. This 
 garden in itself was a deUght. The trees were full of air 
 plants that nestled in their forks, and pendent with 
 lovely ribbon-like ferns that hung from their branches, 
 waving in the evening breeze. The hedges were formed 
 of feathery bamboos and velvety stapelias, and the lawn 
 was a carpet of green and brown mosses from which 
 sprang the heads of every coloured flower. I thought 
 at first that no trouble could ever touch n;e in this lovely 
 spot. So did Eve, perhaps, when she first opened her 
 eyes in the garden of Eden. 
 
 "William could not understand my enthusiasm, and 
 rather threw cold water on it. 
 
 " A primrose on the river's brink 
 A primrose was to him, and nothing more." 
 
 But his want of sympathy could hardly rob me of my 
 joy in the possession of this little paradise. He had pro- 
 vided a pony also for my especial use, and before many 
 weeks were over the English girl with the fair hair, 
 scampering all over Fingas di Rey on her little steed, was 
 as well known as Stopford's wharves themselves. I had 
 been duly introduced to "WilUam's manager, Mr. Francil- 
 lon, but I much disliked him, which was the occasion of 
 some little diflEerence between my husband and myself. 
 Francillon was a middle-aged man, though he appeared 
 old to me. He was stoutly buUt, with broad shoulders 
 and an enormous chest. He had small blue eyes, a heavy 
 nose, and a coarse mouth with thick lips, shaded by a red 
 moustache. His hair had also been red, but he was very 
 bald, and all that remained of it was a mixed fringe of 
 sandy grey. I feared and disliked this man from the 
 beginnuig, but I was obliged to be civil to him for "Wil- 
 liam's sake. He was married, but his wife was much 
 older than himself, and not very amiable. Every week 
 or so the Francillons dined at our house, and returned 
 the compliment to us, but I carefully avoided all further 
 
 ^ 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 39 
 
 intimacy. The first year of my married life passed (let 
 me say) with closed eyes. Had I been solely dependent 
 on my husband for my happiness they would have opened 
 much sooner. But I was not dependent upon him. Be- 
 fore the year was out I had become the mother of a little 
 girl. 
 
4W THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 I AM UNDECBIATED. 
 
 I COULD not describe if I would the joy my child became 
 to me. In all my life I had never had anything, that I 
 felt belonged to myself alone, except Mrs. Bob, and I had 
 already experienced the pain of hearing that my mother 
 had had my old favourite destroyed. But my baby 
 (whom my husband insisted should be called after his 
 mother), my little Nita, was all my own. I never thought 
 of her as William's child. She was mine — mine only. I 
 lived for her. My days and nights were alike given up 
 to her. I watched her momently. A change ia her coun- 
 tenance was sufficient to alarm me — a smile on her baby 
 lips enough to fill my heart with joy. I had several 
 friends in Fingas di Rey by that time, and many amuse- 
 ments — everything indeed, I suppose, that a reasonable wo- 
 man could desire ; but all was as nothing to me compared 
 with this fragile little blossom of humanity that I nursed 
 in my bosom. The letters I sent home about her beau- 
 ties and her intelligence were extravagant in their phra- 
 seology, and called forth many a sarcastic rejoiuder from 
 my sisters, who told me I wrote as if no one else had ever 
 had a baby in this world, and that my sister Charlotte 
 (who had just been confined of her sixth) had never raved 
 so much about the whole half-dozen as I did about my 
 one. They were not sympathetic certainly, but I think 
 they were just. I have seen some of those letters since, 
 and I could not help smiling as I perused them. Yet with 
 all their extravagance they could not have told one half 
 ■ of the love I felt for my baby Mta. In possessing 
 her I thought I had found the completion of my hfe, 
 whereas my life had not yet begun ; and if ever I felt dis- 
 appointed in my husband I remembered he was the father 
 of my little girl, and called myself by aU sorts of hard 
 names for my discontent, for I had discovered by this 
 
THE NOBLES, SEX. 41 
 
 time that William was not a companionable being, at 
 least for me. "Whilst we had been separated we had 
 grown apart as much in mind as in body. I had devel- 
 oped into a woman, with a woman's serious thoughts on 
 Life and Death and Eternity (for the unseen and the in- 
 inscrutable and mysterious have ever been subjects of 
 the deepest interest to me), and he had remained pretty 
 much as he was from the beginning. He had done noth- 
 ing since leaving school to elevate his mind or draw forth 
 his mental powers, and so he had no power to follow nor 
 understand me. Any serious, sentimental or lofty idea, 
 original or borrowed, would provoke him to an inane fit 
 of giggling so beneath a sensible creature as to disgust 
 me. He professed, like all second-rate men, to consider 
 women as fools and unfit to be serious companions, 
 whereas his vapid conversation and silly attempts at 
 maintaining his dignity as master of the household, had 
 already filled me with contempt. He had learned a little 
 bit about timber, I believe, but not much of that, and 
 would have been made a butt of at the wharf, had he not 
 been the son of the owner. I had soon left off appealing 
 to him, therefore, for sympathy or information, and shut 
 up all the ideas which were just beginning to germ and 
 bud hke the trees in spring, in my own breast — a dan- 
 gerous thing for a young and emotional girl to do. But 
 as yet, I was perfectly happy (or I thought I was) with 
 my baby. To watch Uttle Nita's growing intelligence, 
 while she was awake, and to live in my beloved books 
 while she was asleep ; to transcribe a few of the many 
 thoughts that each hour seemed to awaken in my mind 
 too (but this was a profound secret that I never even con- 
 fided to my baby), made up the sum of my innocent exist- 
 ence. It was useless of Mrs. Francillon, who had never 
 been a mother, to sneer at my devotion to my child, and 
 say that, if she were my husband, she would be jealous 
 — ^useless for William to follow suit and declare I wasted 
 my time performing the duties for which the native Bra- 
 zilian nurse had been engaged — ^no one and nothing could 
 make me relinquish the charge of my little girl. And we 
 were so happy together — O ! we were so happy, until a less 
 pure love stepped in to mar our undivided enjoyment of 
 each other's company. About this time I had my first 
 
42 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 serious quarrel Avith my husband, and it was all about 
 Mr. Francillon. I have said before, how much I disliked 
 this man, but lately I had had reason to dislike him more. 
 He had assumed a familiarity towards me, especially if 
 we happened to be alone, for which he had never received 
 the least encouragement, and for which also I had openly 
 reproved him. I had spoken to William on the subject, 
 but he had sternly rebuied me for even hinting at such 
 a thing as impropriety on the part of his manager, and 
 accused me of over- welling vanity in taking alarm. 
 
 "Really ! " he said, " I believe that Caroline was right 
 when she declared that you were the most conceited girl 
 she had ever come across. What on earth do you sup- 
 pose Francillon, a married man and old enough to be 
 your father, should want to kiss you for except out of 
 pure kindness? Do you suppose he admires you too 
 much ? You are not beautiful enough for that, I can tell 
 you." 
 
 " I never thought I was beautiful," I replied hotly — 
 for his allusion to Madame Muchas's opinion had roused 
 my temper — "but whatever I am, I wiU not permit that 
 man (or any man) to touch me without permission. And 
 to try to kiss me, too. That horrid, red-faced, whisky- 
 drinking old fellow. If he dares to attempt it again, I'U 
 strike him across the face." 
 
 "If you forget yourself so far," exclaimed William, 
 " you will not only incur my serious displeasure, but you 
 will ruin all our prospects. Francillon has everything 
 in his hands just now. He is more powerful than my 
 father. A word from him is law." 
 
 " Well, I am not going to submit to be kissed by him 
 because of that," I retorted. 
 
 WiUiam grew very pale. He always turned a sort of 
 greenish hue when he was angry. "Look here, MoUie," 
 he said, "you will not offend Francillon at your peril. 
 The Salvator Rosa wharves are to be enlarged, and he will 
 probably have to go there to superintend the works. 
 Then the wharves here will require a manager, and I want 
 to step into his shoes. Do you understand me? It 
 will double our income and be a permanent appoint- 
 ment." 
 
 " Why don't you ask Mr. Stopford for it, then ? " 
 
 i ^ 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 43 
 
 « My father would no more put me in it without Fran- 
 cUlon's approval, than he would attempt to fly. He has 
 the upmost faith in this man's judgment, and whoever he 
 may suggest, will become the manager at Fingas di Eey. 
 That is what I am tryuig for, with all my might and 
 main — to get FrancUlon's recommendation, and that is 
 what you must try for too. If you affront him it is all 
 over with us, for he is very revengeful. You must keep 
 friends with him at all costs." 
 
 " Then you must keep him out of my way," I answered 
 lightly ; but I was disgusted with the Ime of argument 
 he had adopted all the same. A few days afterwards I 
 found myself, in company with my husband, making one 
 of eight or ten guests assembled to dine at the Francil- 
 lons' house. Mrs. Francillon and I were the only ladies 
 present — the rest of the party consisting of young men 
 employed about the wharfs, most of whom were well 
 known to me. Being the only woman invited, I naturally 
 sat in the place of honour by Mr. Francillon's side, and 
 before the meal was concluded he began to make him- 
 self very offensive to me. I had seen on entering the 
 house, that he had been partaking freely of his favourite 
 whisky. His eyes were bloodshot, his voice thick and 
 husky, his breath foul and feverish. He kept edging his 
 chair closer and closer to mine, as the meal proceeded, 
 until his face almost hung over my shoulder, and his 
 coarse fingers more than once were laid upon my bare 
 arm. I glanced across the table at William, with a 
 piteous appeal for help, but he kept his face bent upon 
 his plate and refused to take any notice of what was 
 going on. I grew red and white by turns, in my en- 
 deavours to keep the manager at bay without offending 
 my husband, but it was impossible to check him. At last 
 I could stand it no longer. As vdth a leer Mr. Francillon 
 placed his hot hand upon my neck, I sprang from my 
 seat and, exclaiming vehemently, " You brute. How dare 
 you touch me like that ? " I pushed my chair away from 
 the table and stood panting, with a crimson face, against 
 the wall. My readers may imagine for themselves the 
 commotion this speech produced. Everybody rose from 
 the table. The manager spluttered out a lame apology 
 — ^his wife looked as if she would hke to kill me — and 
 
44 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 the young men (with the exception of William) were aU 
 on the point of irreverent laughter. 
 
 « Are you mad!" exclaimed my husband, angrUy. 
 
 " No ! " I panted. "That man has been insulting me 
 all dinner-time, and I will bear it no longer. Let me go 
 home. I refuse to remain in this house another minute." 
 
 I was about to rush from the room, but William barred 
 my egress. 
 
 " You cannot leave like this," he exclaimed ; « you are 
 insulting Mr. and Mrs. Francillon and all the company. 
 Mr. Francillon did not intend to offend you. You must 
 remain out the evening." 
 
 " I refuse to do so," I replied hotly, " and if Mr. Fran- 
 cUlon does not know when he is outraging decency at his 
 own table, the sooner he learns it the better," and without 
 another word I left the house — ^my husband following me. 
 The little carriage in which we made such excursions 
 was waiting for us, and in a few minutes we were driv- 
 ing homewards together. I leaned back in my seat, my 
 mind and body in a turmoil with the violent emotion I 
 had passed through, and I could hear WnUam breathing 
 hard beside me, although he did not speak. We arrived 
 at our destination and walked into the lighted sitting- 
 room together. I had just dropped the mantle from my 
 shoulders and was about to make some remark on what 
 had passed, when my husband strode up to me and seized 
 me roughly by the arm, digging his naUs into my flesh. 
 
 " You she-devil," he hissed between his teeth, " you've 
 ruined my prospects and you meant to do so. You've 
 beggared your child and thrown yourself an useless 
 burden on my hands, you d — d selfish conceited pauper. 
 You're a nice bargain for any man. You bring notMng 
 to your husband and you do yoiir best to take away what 
 he is trying to make. I hate you." 
 
 And with these words he pushed me violently against 
 a carved table, which bruised my arm and shoulder from 
 the contact, and throwing himself doAvn into a chair, 
 burst into a childish fit of tears. His behaviour paralysed 
 me. Although he had been often snappish and irritable 
 before, he had never laid hands upon me, nor called me 
 names, and that he should show his true character for 
 such a cause, struck me as truly contemptible. Thist 
 
THM NOBLER SEX. 45 
 
 then, was the man who had vowed to protect and cherish 
 me — ^this, the husband I had been taught it was my duty 
 to look up to honour, and to obey. 
 
 "I believe," I cried indignantly, "that you would 
 rather see me prostituted to that old man than lose your 
 appointment." 
 
 "It's nothing to me," he replied angrily, "if you walk 
 the streets or not." 
 
 Up to that date I had never had any feelings with 
 regard to religion but those of distaste. My mother's 
 ultra-evangelical creed and domestic life, so strangely at 
 variance with one another, had made me look upon all 
 religion as a fraud. I hated going to church, and avoided 
 it whenever it was possible. The long-drawn-out mo- 
 notonous service repeated in the same words, Sunday 
 after Sunday, wearied me beyond measure, and I had 
 always been glad of an excuse to stay at home. And 
 though I went through the formula of saying my prayers, 
 I had very little faith, or interest in them. But I had 
 believed in my fellow-creatures. I had built up ideals in 
 my mind of what husbands and wives and fathers and 
 mothers should be — how faithful and true to themselves, 
 to each other, and to their children. The notion of infi- 
 delity on either side was an unknown horror to me — some- 
 thing I had heard of but could not realize — ^like Hell, 
 which no one had returned to tell us of, or murder, which 
 we know exists, but never believe can happen to our- 
 selves. And this quarrel with William was the first 
 upUfting of the veil to me. If he, who was used to be 
 absurdly jealous if another man offered me a flower, or 
 lent me a book, could contemplate with equanimity any- 
 thing so dreadful as Mr. Francillon's familiarities — could 
 even blame me for resenting them as any pure-minded 
 woman would have done — why, the world must be going 
 round as my head was. Let married men who wish to 
 preserve the virtue of their wives be very careful how 
 they speak lightly of vice before them, or drive them to 
 others for sympathy and confidence. Honestly, I can 
 look back on this disgraceful episode, as the first turning 
 point of my existence, and responsible (may be) for all 
 that succeeded it. Till then, I had been very blind and 
 very innocent. I had been perfectly aware that I had 
 
46 THE NOBLJEB SEX. 
 
 married a silly, narrow-minded, and mercenary young 
 man, but I had not conceived it possible that he could 
 have been grasping enough to prefer his own aggrandise- 
 ment to my untaiated purity. From the moment I un- 
 derstood the truth, he became something lower than 
 myself, and I despised him. What virtue I maintained 
 thenceforward was from a sense of justice to myself and 
 to my child, and not from any afEection for him, or belief 
 that I owed him any further duty. This matter estab- 
 lished a great coolness for some time between WiUiam 
 and myself and broke ofE all intimacy with the Francil- 
 lons. But the management of the wharfs at Fingas di 
 Rey fell to my husband all the same, for when Mr. Fran- 
 cillon moved to Salvator Rosa, he deemed it wisest, from 
 motives of policy perhaps, to recommend him for the 
 position, and having gained his desire William seemed, 
 after a while, to forget the danger by which it had been 
 threatened. Not so with myself. 
 
 My mind was overburdened with the shock it had re- 
 ceived, and my health began to fail. I never alluded to 
 the subject before my husband, but I avoided his com- 
 pany as much as possible, and even his touch became 
 distasteful to me. His new duties took him a great deal 
 away from home — sometimes up the river for days to- 
 gether — and I was left alone to amuse myself as best I 
 might. I had my baby, however, and my pony and my 
 garden, and never felt time hang upon my hands, although 
 I led a very quiet and uneventful existence. Looking 
 back, I cannot help thinking that, considering my youth 
 and the cool terms on which we had come to live together, 
 my husband was very careless, for he left me entirely to 
 the society of other men — there being scarcely any lady 
 but myself in Fingas di Rey now Mrs. Francillon was gone. 
 
 Perhaps he was already sick of me (after the fashion 
 of husbands), or perhaps his self-esteem made him forget 
 that I might find amongst my friends more attractive 
 metal than himself. Anyway he appeared to have no 
 suspicion and no fear, and left me to scamper through the 
 woods on my pony or take long rambles m the surround- 
 ing country — or sing duets all day to the accompaniment 
 of the piano, with any idle young fellow who chose to 
 honour me with his society. I was sitting alone one 
 
THE NOBLBB SEX. 47 
 
 mommg, William having gone down to Eio de la Plancha, 
 and little Mta being fast asleep, when a visiting card was 
 brought to me. I glanced at the inscription. It was 
 Mr. Gervase Lawson. My face flushed with excitement. 
 So many things had happened since we parted, eighteen 
 months before, that I had hardly given a thought to my 
 travelling companion ; but now with the immediate pros- 
 pect of meeting him again, I seemed suddenly to remember 
 how charming and delightful and conversational he was. 
 
 " Show Mr. Lawson in," I said quickly, in my Spanish 
 patois, and in another moment we were standing together, 
 nand-in-hand. 
 
 " O ! you have surprised me," I exclaimed. " I thought 
 you must have returned to England long ago. What 
 have you found in the Brazils to detain you here for 
 eighteen months ? " 
 
 "Everything," he replied. "I think it is the most 
 lovely and romantic country I ever visited. But I have 
 been to Mexico since I saw you last, and a dozen other 
 places." 
 
 I seated myself and Mr. Lawson sank on the sofa beside 
 me with a shght sigh. 
 
 " Am I welcome ? " he asked. " Are you glad to see 
 me again ? " 
 
 " Very glad," I answered frankly. " Fingas di Rey is 
 a stupid little hole, though it is so lovely. Like a pretty 
 woman whose face never changes, you know, and you 
 grow sick of it after a while. Even the bay is always 
 the same, ' deeply, darkly, beautifully blue,' and without 
 a ripple on its surface." 
 
 " Just as I trust your married Ufe is, Mrs. Stopford. 
 ShaU I have the pleasure of seeing your husband?" 
 
 " Not to-day, for he has gone down to Rio de la Plancha ; 
 but I will introduce you to my daughter by-and-bye. 
 Doesn't that sound grand? " I asked him with a smile. 
 
 " Very grand indeed. I wonder you do not look more 
 dignified under your new honours. I cannot see the 
 least difference in you." 
 
 " Can't you ? There is a lot, though," I answered. " I 
 am not at aU the same girl I was on board the ' Juan 
 Fernandez.' But you have not told me yet what brought 
 you to Fingas di Rey, Mr. Lawson." 
 
48 T3B NOBLER SEX. 
 
 « Would you be surprised if a strong desire to renew 
 our acquaintance formed the chief motive, Mrs. Stopford ? 
 I thought that after eighteen months of matrimony I 
 might be allowed to come and view your happiness for 
 myself ; so I have taken up my abode for a few weeks 
 or months, as it may suit me, at the hotel on the wharf. 
 It is not a very grand domicile, but it will serve my pur- 
 pose. I have been knocking about a great deal and I 
 want rest." 
 
 " You will be quiet enough here, I wiU guarantee that," 
 I said ; " and if you will get a pony, you can have the 
 most delightful rides about the hills that surround us." 
 
 Mr. Lawson did not stay long on that occasion, but he 
 gratified my maternal pride by admiring my little Mta 
 before he left, and promising to bring her some toy? 
 when he came again. 
 
 I was very pleased to renew my acquaintance with 
 Mr. Lawson. I remembered the interesting conversa- 
 tions we had enjoyed on board ship, and looked forward 
 to their renewal with pleasure. As soon as William re- 
 turned I introduced the gentlemen to each other, and for 
 a while they promised to be good friende. But their 
 mental constitutions differed too widely to admit of any 
 real friendship between them. Mr. Lawson was rich, 
 and that was his chief merit in my husband's eyes. He 
 said more than once that I had been a fool not to think 
 of him as a godfather for Nita. ' I, on the contrary, 
 thought of nothing but my friend's intellectuality as a 
 companion, and as I listened to the arguments and ex- 
 positions and quotations that had charmed me so much 
 on our former acquaintance, I began to wonder how I 
 could have existed so long without anyone to take his 
 place. Hardly a morning or evening passed but that 
 Gervase Lawson and I met in our rides, and spent hours 
 roaming about the wild woods together, or galloping over 
 the prairie land. He was a man who could talk well 
 upon every kind of subject. He possessed a sweet tenor 
 voice also, and a scientific knowledge of music, which he 
 turned to account on my behalf by giving me lessons in 
 singing. He played several musical instruments, spoke 
 French fluently, had an intimate knowledge of the clas- 
 sics, and sat a horse to perfection. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 49 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 I FALL IN LOVE. 
 
 When two young people of opposite sexes and emotional 
 temperaments are thrown daily and almost hourly to- 
 gether, it is not surprising if they find themselves ia 
 each other's confidence. My thoughts and ideas upon 
 matrimony, and many other subjects, were soon the 
 property of Gervase Lawson. He was so cordial and 
 sympathetic in his manner towards me, and yet so per- 
 fectly respectful, and I looked upon him so much as a 
 friend, that it was a solace to confide in him, and 
 especially as there was no one else whom I could talk to. 
 Being a married woman, tied indissolubly to William 
 Stopford, and without a thought of the possibility of 
 breaking that tie, I saw no danger in the course I was 
 pursuing. And Mr. Lawson never said a word to make 
 me see the danger. He did not disguise his iudignation at 
 my husband's treatment of me and apparent indifference 
 to me, and the two men, though outwardly polite, 
 evinced a decided antipathy to one another. So three 
 months passed away, and then Mr. Lawson told me he 
 had received a letter from England concerning his 
 mother's health, and considered it his duty to return at 
 once, in case she needed him. I was not at all surprised 
 that I felt dull at the prospect of losing my companion — 
 we had been such excellent company to each other — and 
 I openly lamented his departure, the cessation of our 
 rides and conversations, and the loss of my singing 
 lessons. I told him before my husband's face that I 
 should never touch the piano again when he had gone, 
 and he smiled and called me a goose, and WiUiam said 
 I should be " strumming enough to deafen one " before 
 Lawson had been out of the house an hour. The last 
 moment arrived, and he came to wish me good-bye. I 
 was leaning over the raised balcony that ran round three 
 
 4 
 
50 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 sides of our cottage, he standing beneath it, which 
 brought our faces almost on a level, and as he pressed 
 my hand he looked me full in the eyes. It was the first 
 time I had met his direct gaze, and something in his ex- 
 pression seemed to penetrate my soul and make the 
 blood rush to my face. It was nothing more. In another 
 moment he had raised his hat and was gone, and I watched 
 his figure swinging easily down the garden path, tiU at 
 the gate he turned and waved me a last farewell. I 
 turned away and walked back into the house with my head 
 spinning, and a cold heavy feeling like a lump of lead at 
 my heart. My little Nita crawled to my knee and began 
 prattling to me in her baby language, but I could not 
 respond. I lifted her in my arms and kissed her passion- 
 ately, until she cried from the roughness of my caresses, 
 and I was obliged to soothe and quiet her, but I did it 
 all mechanically. Everything seemed dull and dead and 
 worthless, though I could not have said why it should 
 be so. It was as if the sun had been shining brilliantly 
 but a moment before, and now a black cloud had shut it 
 from view, and it was gone. All day I felt the same. I 
 went for my ride as usual, but I returned home very 
 early, because a young fellow named Parker had joined 
 me and talked all sorts of nonsense, and liis voice jarred 
 on my thoughts and made me feel impatient. I tried to 
 be cheerful during dinner, and to smUe when my hus- 
 band spoke of our absent friend, and wondered whether 
 he would send me something handsome in return for my 
 hospitality to him, but my heart felt heavy and lifeless. 
 At last I rose and retired to my room, wearied with an 
 excess of emotion to which I dared not give vent. As I 
 was undressing, I heard the sound of a horse's feet gal- 
 loping up the drive, and then the confusion of voices. 
 William had run out into the verandah. 
 
 " Hullo, Lawson ! " I heard him exclaim, " what brings 
 you back ? " 
 
 "A reprieve," replied the voice of Gervase Lawson. 
 "I found a telegram at Kio de la Plancha to stop me 
 from going home. My mother is much better, and 
 ordered to HySres for the winter ; so I shan't start foi 
 another month, and thought I'd run up and let you and 
 Mrs. Stopford know." 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 51 
 
 " Very kind of you, I'm sure," said William. « My 
 wife has a headache and has gone to bed, but I'll let her 
 know in the morning. Come in and have a drink." 
 
 " No, thank you. I'm dead beat and want to turn in 
 myself. Good-night." 
 
 Then I heard the horse gallop down the drive again 
 and all relapsed into silence. 
 
 Except my heart — my heart that had but that moment 
 waked to a knowledge of itself — I stood for a few min- 
 utes as though turned to stone, and then the storm burst 
 and I flung myself on my knees in an agony of grief. 
 There was no more ignorance for me then. It seemed as 
 if I had suddenly been turned into crystal and given the 
 power to read everything that was going on within me. 
 Like a flash of lightning, sight and knowledge had been 
 bestowed upon me. 
 
 I knew what love and life were — what men and women 
 were — what marriage meant, and all it was intended to 
 be — and Heaven and Hell, and everything that had been 
 a mystery to me hitherto. 
 
 I knew what J" was also — a married woman, who had 
 never truly been married — a wife who had never loved 
 her husband — ^who had never had the slightest idea of 
 the meaning of the word love, until she had met Gervase 
 Lawson. 
 
 0! God! my Judge! here and hereafter. Bear witness 
 for me that here was no affectation — ^no morbid senti- 
 mentality — no craving for admiration — but only an hon- 
 est and abundant love, bestowed from the very depths of 
 my heart. But this discovery made me terribly ashamed. 
 I had committed no sin. I had not even been aware of 
 the danger I ran — yet I felt fallen, crushed and humili- 
 ated in my own eyes, and my greatest dread was to meet 
 Mr. Lawson again. As soon as I had somewhat recov- 
 ered my composure, I crept to the cot where my little 
 Mta lay asleep, like a flushed rosebud, and laid my in- 
 flamed and smartiag eyes against her baby cheek. She 
 woke at the contact and I carried her into my own bed 
 and lay with her in my arms tiU morning, wondering 
 how I could escape the ordeal that was before me. But 
 of course I could not escape it. I must necessarily meet 
 Mr. Lawson, or confess why I was afraid to meet him. 
 
52 THE NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 And the first dawn of day found him waiting, as usual, 
 to accompany me in my early ride, and though I felt 
 guilty and constrained, my native pride came to my 
 assistance and I soon found myself chatting to him much 
 the same as I had been used to do. No allusion was 
 made on either side to the parting of the day before, and 
 yet I think we each instinctively felt that we renewed 
 our intercourse upon a different footing. I could not be 
 quite the same. As the days succeeded one another I 
 invented all sorts of excuses to avoid being left alone 
 with him, and our former intimacy was consequently at 
 an end. Mr. Lawson saw through my devises and be- 
 came silent and melancholy, frequently alluding to the 
 happy times that had gone forever. 
 
 "Do you remember our passage on board the 'Juan 
 Fernandez ? '" he said one day. " What wild dreams I 
 formed of a future that could never be mine. I tried to 
 forget them but it was impossible. Was I a fool to come 
 to Fragas di Rey, I wonder ? Would it have been wiser 
 to have gone straight home to England? " 
 
 We were riding through a narrow path in the woods, 
 so narrow that our ponies' heads were close together, and 
 it was a few days before Mr. Lawson was to leave the 
 country in good earnest. 
 
 I could not answer him. I dared not, so I hung my 
 head down on my breast and was silent. 
 
 "Well! thank Heaven," he went on, after a slight 
 pause, "that I have hurt no one but myself. You are 
 not so happy as you deserve to be, my poor Mollie, and 
 sometimes I think — ^I am presumptuous enough to think 
 — I could even have made a happier life for you than 
 this. But no one is quite content in this world, you know, 
 and perhaps it is not meant we should be, else we might 
 never think about another. I shall be gone in a short 
 time now, and Heaven only knows when we may meet 
 agaia. But I shall always be your friend and your 
 counsellor if you should need one. Don't forget that." 
 
 My tears had been falling fast, but silently, on the 
 bosom of my riding habit, as he spoke to me, and for the 
 moment pain and regret made me lose sight of my usual 
 prudence. 
 
 "Would to Gk)d," I cried passionately, "that I covM 
 forget." 
 
TBE NOBLER SEX. 53 
 
 Directly I had said the words the madness of them 
 struck me, and the fear of how Mr. Lawson might look, 
 or what he might reply, made me put spurs to my pony 
 and gallop far ahead of him. My action was so sudden 
 that it took him by surprise, but in a minute I heard the 
 hoofs of his pony clattering after mine, as he exclaimed, 
 " MoUie ! MoUie ! speak to me." The race could not 
 last for long. My little steed was soon exhausted and 
 Gervase Lawson overtook me. As he did so he threw 
 his arms about my waist, and gazed with his beaming 
 eyes in mine. 
 
 " My darling ! " he exclaimed, " say those blessed 
 words again." 
 
 " No ! no ! " I cried, shrinking from him ; " I should 
 not have said them. What is the use ? You gave me 
 the chance once and I refused it, and now it is hopeless. 
 We can do nothing but part. Oh, Gervase, have pity on 
 me. I am so very miserable." 
 
 "I know you are," he answered, but without relaxing 
 his hold upon my waist ; " I have seen it for months 
 past, and so am I. But we must not despond, MoUie. 
 We each have our duties to do in this world and the 
 better part of love is ours still. Do you think I would 
 exchange your sweet trust and confidence in me to step 
 into your husband's shoes and own yourself without 
 your heart ? No ! my sweet ! you must think higher of 
 me than that, as I think higher of you. I have loved you 
 from the day we met, Mollie. I shall love you to the end. 
 But it must be as a friend, dearest — a friend and nothing 
 more." 
 
 " Of course, of course," I answered. 
 
 " I am glad now that I am going home," continued 
 Mr. Lawson, " and I know you will agree with me that 
 it is better we should part, at least for a few years. I 
 will write to you by every mail and you must write and 
 tell me all you think and feel ; and by-and-bye, when we 
 have schooled ourselves to be dear friends and nothing 
 more, we may meet again without a trace of pain." 
 
 My tears were still falling, and as he spoke I felt Mr. 
 Lawson tighten his clasp until he had drawn me close to 
 him and kissed my wet face. 
 
 " My darling ! " he exclaimed fervently, " the task is 
 
54 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 hard enougli. Don't make it harder than it need be. I 
 shall never marry now, MoUie. Meeting you and miss- 
 ing you have put all ideas of that out of my head, and 
 for the future we will belong solely to each other, and be 
 the truest of friends through life." 
 
 " I would rather have you for my friend," I murmured, 
 " than any other man for my husband. If I were only 
 quit of this galling chain which I have riveted with my 
 own hands " 
 
 "You must not speak like that," he said, almost 
 sternly. " Duty is a hard task-master perhaps, but she 
 is the only one that brings us comfort in the end. To 
 know that you care for me will be the happiness of my 
 life. But we must look upward, in order to render it 
 safe." 
 
 I acquiesced in his decision of course, with immense 
 admiration for his lofty principles, and we parted sadly 
 enough, but still feeling that the active correspondence 
 we promised ourselves, when he returned to England, 
 was a great consolation to look forward to in the future. 
 But when I reached my house I felt really Ul. The re- 
 straint I had put upon my words and feelings for some 
 time past, had had its effect upon my health, and ren- 
 dered me an easy victim to the malaria fever which was 
 always, more or less, stalking about Fingas di Rey. 
 Before nightfall I was burning from head to foot and my 
 head felt three times its usual size. Wilham was not 
 easily frightened by illness (unless it happened to attack 
 himself), but he thought my case serious enough to send 
 for the doctor, who ordered me at once to bed, and for 
 some days after I knew nothing that occurred to me. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 55 
 
 CHAPTEE VII. 
 
 I AM HAPPY. 
 
 When I recovered my powers of observation, I found 
 myself in my own room, with William sitting beside me. 
 
 "William!" I exclaimed. 
 
 " So you're yourself again," he said curtly, as my eyes 
 met his. " I am deuced glad of it, for I have to go to 
 Placenta next week, and your illness has threatened to 
 put off my journey. I should have been pounds out of 
 pocket if it had." 
 
 "Have I been ill ? " I asked wonderingly. 
 
 "I should think you had. You've been down with 
 malarial fever for a fortnight and quite off your head for 
 the best part of the time." 
 
 Everything flashed into my mind then. " Oh, I hope 
 I haven't been talking," I cried. 
 
 "WeU, if you haven't may I never talk again," he 
 answered. " You've chattered like a magpie and kept 
 me awake all night. I had half a mind to go down to 
 the hotel on the wharf to sleep." 
 
 " I'm very sorry," I said humbly. " I don't know how 
 I can have caught it." 
 
 " Dr. PUcher says you frequent the woods too much 
 for this time of year. They're full of malaria, when the 
 leaves are falling." 
 
 The woods ! The mention of them brought back all 
 the past on my weakened memory, and I felt my pale 
 cheeks flush. 
 
 I had been lying there for a fortnight, and Mr. Lawson 
 must be far away upon the ocean by this time, and we had 
 parted without a last farewell. The tears welled up into 
 my eyes as I asked to have my little Mta brought to me. 
 My Brazilian maid, Manuela, left the room for that pur- 
 pose, whilst my husband begged I would not exert 
 myself. 
 
56 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 " Don't throw yourself back, now you are better, for 
 God's sake," he said, " or you'll be a dead loss to me. 
 I'm depending now on seeing you about again before I 
 go." 
 
 " It will not hurt me to see my child, William." 
 
 «' I don't know that. The brat has been turning the 
 house upside down with her tempers and her squalling 
 since you have been ill. You indulge her too much, 
 Mollie. It is time she was disciplined. If you can't 
 manage her better, I shall have to take her in hand." 
 
 I smiled faintly at the idea, being too weak to laugh, 
 and the next minute the nurse entered with my baby in 
 her arms. I fancied little Mta looked pale, and that her 
 eyelids were swollen, as if she had cried too much, but 
 she displayed so much pleasure, in her infantile way, at 
 seeing me again, that I concluded she had fretted for 
 want of me. 
 
 I thanked God fervently, as I clasped her in my arms, 
 that she was left to me, and resolved I would let no 
 other love take too great a hold upon my heart. 
 
 My husband seemed so anxious that I should recover 
 sufficiently to accompany him to Placenta, which was 
 on the sea-coast, that I ate and drank everything that 
 was offered me, and in a short time I was able to sit up 
 and come out into the drawing-room. I could not under- 
 stand why William wished to take me to Placenta with 
 him. The distance was not great, but he knew that I 
 could not leave home without Mta, and he would have to 
 hire a furnished villa for us whilst there, and he was not 
 fond of parting with his money. 
 
 "Will it not be very expensive to take me and baby to 
 Placenta ? " I asked him. " Is it necessary I should go ? " 
 
 "Pilcher says it is quite necessary," he answered; 
 " and that you will not shake off the fever without sea 
 air. Fingas di Rey is too inclosed, and Placenta faces 
 the Atlantic. Besides I have received an invitation to 
 take you there, which is too good to be refused." 
 
 " An invitation," I repeated curiously. " From whom ? " 
 
 " From a friend of yours — Mr. Lawson." 
 
 " Mr. Lawson," I exclaimed, whilst all the blood in my 
 body rushed into my face. " But he has sailed for Eng- 
 land, surely." 
 
THM NOBLER SEX. 57 
 
 " No, he hasn't. He had settled to do so, but when you 
 fell ill he stayed to see if you got better. And when Pil- 
 cher told him you could not recover your strength without 
 change of air he took a villa at Placenta and invited us 
 all to go there. It suits me down to the ground. I have 
 business there that may detain me for some weeks, and 
 should have had to live at an hotel." 
 
 " But Mr. Lawson," I stammered, " is a single man. 
 Is it comme ilfaut that I should stay at his house ? " 
 
 " What ! with your husband ? " laughed William. 
 " What ridiculous nonsense ! You won't think it proper 
 to entertain a bachelor at dinner next." 
 
 " But it is laying ourselves under a great obligation to 
 Mr. Lawson," I murmured, " and — and — I am afraid you 
 will be a great deal away." 
 
 "Not at all. And as for the tremendous obligation, 
 hasn't he come backwards and forwards to our house, 
 as bethought fit? It seems tome you never care how 
 much of my money is spent, MoUie ; but when it comes 
 to that of another person " 
 
 " Oh, say no more about it," I rejoined hastily. " If 
 you think it right of course it is, and I will make' no fur- 
 ther objection to the plan." 
 
 Why should I (I pondered) as I lay back on my cushions 
 and played with the golden tendrils of hair upon my 
 baby's head? Mr. Lawson had evidently delayed his 
 journey and gone to all this expense for my sake. It 
 would ill become my heart, or me, to requite his kindness 
 with ingratitude. 
 
 And I longed to see him again with all the depth and 
 fervour of my untutored nature. Why should I not long 
 (I asked myself) to see my friend and brother, who was 
 never to be anything more in all the world to me ? The 
 prospect helped my recovery more than anything else 
 could have done. In another week I had started with Wil- 
 liam for Placenta, hopeful and smiling, and the first sight 
 I saw on reaching it, was Gervase Lawson's face, full of 
 anxiety until he caught sight of mine. He had brought 
 a carriage for our conveyance, and we were soon en route 
 for the Villa Pepita, which was situated actually on the 
 margin of the sea. This charming little retreat, which was 
 some distance from the town, had been originally built by 
 
58 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 a wealthy Brazilian for the use of his family during the 
 bathing season, but having fallen into other hands had 
 become the most favourite house for hire in all Placenta. 
 It was built upon the sands. No vegetation grew near it. 
 It stood unsheltered and alone. But oh! the delicious 
 breezes that fanned it from every side. I can recall the 
 feeling of them now, as I lay on my couch beneath the 
 shade of the broad verandah and drew in fresh life and 
 health with every breath, whilst Mta rolled in the warm 
 dry sand by which we were surrounded. 
 
 The Villa Pepita consisted of five rooms only, two on 
 either side and a sitting-room in the centre. My husband 
 and I, with Mta and her nurse, occupied one side of the 
 little villa; the other being reserved for Mr. Lawson. 
 whilst the centre apartment was, of course, common to aU. 
 It was seldom used, however, except by my friend and me. 
 William would start off on his business each morning as 
 soon as the sun rose, and remained all day in Placenta 
 or its vicinity, joining Mr. Lawson and myself only at the 
 late evening dinner; after which, being a weakly and 
 feebly-constituted man, he would retire to his bed and 
 leave us to our own devices. At first we used to pass 
 the time innocently enough. The agreement we had come 
 to during our last interview in Fingas di Rey was stUl 
 fresh in our minds, and we had no intention of breaking 
 it. A few words of thankfulness for my recovery were 
 all that had passed between us on meeting, and Mr. Law- 
 son had scrupulously treated me vnth the respect due to 
 his guest since. But it was hard now to renew the old 
 familiar intercourse without occasionally stepping over 
 the boundary we had laid down for ourselves, vnthout 
 letting an accidental " MoUie " or " Gervase " pass our 
 lips before we were aware of it — without pressing the 
 hands that met each other night and morning — or letting a 
 tell-tale sigh escape our over-burdened hearts. I was too 
 weak as yet to resume horse exercise even if I had taken 
 my pony to Placenta. I sat or lay, therefore, in the 
 house all day, drinking in the sea breezes, whilst Gervase 
 Lawson sang to me in his melodious voice, or read aloud 
 from some of our favourite authors. These constituted 
 the day's simple amusements during my convalescence, 
 but oh ! the danger of them. The danger of these con- 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 59 
 
 fidences and reminiscences — those speaking looks — those 
 suddenly checked sighs — those tremulous hands — those 
 burning faces and beating hearts. What was William 
 Stopford thinking of, to leave us unprotected and to- 
 gether, as he did for weeks, whUst he went about inspect- 
 ing timber and pricing tar and rope ? Did he want, even 
 at that early period, to get rid of me ? Whose fault would 
 it have been had Gervase Lawson and I forgotten every- 
 thing and everybody but ourselves and what our hearts 
 said to us? We tried to keep silence regarding it, but 
 each topic seemed to lead back to the forbidden subject, 
 and it was not long before we touched on it more fully. 
 Mr. Lawson had been telling me of some young lady, whom 
 Ms mother was very desirous that he should marry, as by 
 his father's death, which had taken place some time be- 
 fore, he had come into possession of a large estate and a 
 vast fortune, to which she- considered he was bound to 
 give an heir. 
 
 " Before I met you again, MoUie," he continued, " I had 
 almost made up my mind to go home and propose to her. 
 Miss Fuller is young and pretty and her estates join 
 mine, and I suppose I shall be worried into taking a wife 
 some day. There is a certain responsibility attached to 
 the ownership of landed property, and old age must be 
 very dull and lonely without family ties — and yet " 
 
 " Go on," I answered. " And jekr—what ? " 
 
 " How can I marry any woman," he burst forth, " whilst 
 you exist and are inaccessible to me ? Wouldn't your 
 eyes — your voice — ^your smUe — come between me and 
 every word I said to her ? Oh ! MoUie ! what cruel fate 
 brought us together ? Shall we suffer for a lifetime ? Is 
 this torture never to cease ? I love you. I love you. 
 You have wrecked my life forever." 
 
 I had never seen Gervase Lawson so moved before — 
 had never heard him speak so passionately — and the idea 
 that I was the cause of his lifelong misery broke all the 
 ice between us. The tears were standing in the eyes he 
 raised to mine, and I took his head between my hands 
 and drew it down until it rested on my breast. I sup- 
 pose it was very wicked (as the world classes wickedness), 
 but it did not seem so to me then. It does not seem so 
 to this day. I loved him from the bottom of my soul and 
 
60 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 I had never loved any other man. For months he had 
 been my secret idol, and he had stirred the deepest feel- 
 ings of my unfathomable nature. And though it threat- 
 ened to bring more misery in its wake, I was happy that 
 we understood each other at last. 
 
 " I love you, Gervase ; I love you," I murmured after 
 him, and then we kissed each other, and were silent from 
 excess of joy. 
 
 We loved. Those two words embraced the whole world 
 and opened Heaven for us. 
 
 During the first weeks that followed that mutual con- 
 fession, we were quite content with it alone, and I don't 
 think either of us dreamt of asking for anything more. 
 I am sure that I did not. To stroll about the sands with 
 Grervase's hand clasped close in mine — sometimes to feel his 
 arm around my waist — ^his lips upon my own — ^to receive 
 his confidences and to know he loved me, was all-sufficient 
 for my happiness. So fully wrapt up was I, for the time 
 being, in the wonder of my new possession, that I cannot 
 remember that I ever looked forward to the day of sep- 
 aration, or a time when I should be again without him. 
 I was a fool, and lived in the paradise which fools create 
 for themselves. 
 
 Gervase loved me. That was enough. I thought only 
 of the present and let the future take care of itself. But 
 it was no ordinary affection I felt for him. I have 
 watched many lovers since that time. I have dreamed 
 of them, and read of them, and written of them, and re- 
 ceived many heartbroken confidences from them ; but in 
 all my experience I have never conceived, nor heard of, 
 such a completely absorbing, intense and passionate de- 
 votion, as I felt for Gervase Lawson. It was as if the 
 whole of my great power of loving had been evoked in 
 its full-grown strength — ^like a giant arising refreshed 
 with sleep. It was like the old-fashioned reverential 
 worship which women were supposed to feel for men in 
 former times, but which they never seem to feel for them 
 now, chiefly, perhaps, because it is difficult to find a man 
 worthy of it. I looked up to my lover. I felt myself to be 
 miles beneath him, in intellect, in culture, and in worth, 
 and he had the power in consequence to wield me as he 
 would. 
 
THE NOBLBR SEX, 61 
 
 I was awake now, God help me! for evermore. My 
 eyes had fully opened, and (as is usual in such cases) 
 the first use their sight afforded them was to reveal how 
 very mean and small minded and unsympathetic William 
 Stopford looked beside Gervase Lawson. But the great 
 discovery I had made induced me to show more kindness, 
 instead of less, to my husband. I seemed to look down 
 upon him from a great height of happiness, and pity him 
 for having missed it, for never having known how well I 
 could love, and for having no one to call forth his own 
 affections. I was so intensely happy I felt I could afford 
 to give up a little of it for him. I used to urge him to 
 accompany Mr. Lawson and me to the beach after dinner, 
 or to sit up for an hour or two and hear me sing. But 
 he invariably refused — often with irritation. He had 
 better things to do, he said, after a long day's work, than 
 pottering about the sands or listening to my screeching. 
 He didn't care for music, and he confessed my conversa- 
 tion was not, as a rule, interesting to him. He was tired 
 and wished to go to bed. Why on earth couldn't I leave 
 him alone, and not worry htm ? He was quite capable of 
 joining us if he wished to do so — meanwhile the sooner I 
 went and left him to himself the better. 
 
 What woman, under the circumstances, would not 
 have done as I did? Put my good intentions in my 
 pocket and run away to join the friend who never gave 
 me a cross look or an unkind word, and who thought so 
 much more of me than my husband did. At last, after 
 two months of close communion, during which WiUiam 
 kept on travelling backwards and forwards between Pla- 
 centa and Fingas di Rey, after two months' analyzation 
 of our own hearts — two months' hourly companionship, 
 which made us daily dearer and more necessary to each 
 other — ^the great crash came. 
 
 I had discovered long before this time that William 
 was not likely to prove a fond father to my little Mta. 
 He was a cold-hearted, passionless man, and very impa- 
 tient of her infant faults. And she had not been at her 
 best during our visit to Placenta. She was but a year 
 old and in the midst of her teething, and the hot nights 
 increased her fretfulness and disturbed her slumbers. 
 On several occasions, I had not undressed all night, but 
 
62 THE NOBLEU SEX. 
 
 walked incessantly up and down the room to try and 
 keep the child from exciting the irritable temper of her 
 father. The tales I had heard from Manuela had fright- 
 ened me. She had assured me (though I scarcely knew 
 how to believe her) that when I lay ill in Fingas di Rey, 
 my husband had frequently been so annoyed by my baby's 
 whimpering as to strike her severely. If this were true 
 I had determined it should never happen again, but one 
 night I was quite unsuccessful in preventing her from 
 attracting his notice. My poor little Mta was burning 
 with fever, and whimpered incessantly from pain. A 
 dozen times William had called to me from the adjoining 
 room to put " the d — d brat " into its cot, and come to 
 bed, but I refused to do so. She was too ill to sleep. At 
 last, enraged by my obstinacy (as he called it) and his 
 his own inability to obtain rest, he left his bed, and seiz- 
 ing the infant from my arms, declared he would soon 
 teach her to go to sleep when she was told. I followed 
 him, expostulating, to the middle of the apartment, where, 
 to my horror, he caught up a riding whip, and slashed 
 the little naked legs and body of my baby till they were 
 covered with weals. The terrified infant could not re- 
 cover her breath. I thought she would have had a fit. 
 I sprung forward and clung to his arm, exclaiming, "Give 
 me my child. You shall not strike her. I will not have 
 it. You are a brute to beat an infant in that way." 
 
 He turned on me in a fury. 
 
 " It is my child," he said, " and I shall treat it as I 
 choose. Leave go my arm at once. If you attempt to 
 interfere with me I will put you out of the room." 
 
 And in effect, wrenching his arm away he threw me 
 violently across the threshold which divided the two 
 apartments, where I fell agaiast the bed he had just 
 quitted. I was considerably shaken and my spine was 
 bruised and hurt, but I could feel nothing whilst my child 
 was being ill-treated. As soon as I regained my feet, I 
 rushed forward a second time and tried to wrest the 
 screaming infant from his grasp. Needless to say I 
 failed. What chance has even a strong young woman, 
 when she attempts to pit her strength against that of a 
 man, however emasculate. I felt I was powerless, though 
 I continued to upbraid him for his cruelty in a loud voice, 
 by which I hoped to shame him to desistance. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 68 
 
 CHAPTER VIIL 
 
 1 CONSBITT. 
 
 I SUCCEEDED. The noise I made disturbed Mr. Lawson, 
 and in another moment he had thrown on some of his 
 clothes and entered the apartment. 
 
 " What is the matter ? " he exclaimed. But when he 
 saw my distress, and the terrified baby and the riding 
 whip, his face became majestic in its wrath. 
 
 " Drop that child, Stopford," he said La a determined 
 voice, as he strode up to my husband's side, "or I'll 
 knock you down." 
 
 WUham looked up at him in surprise, angry ia his turn, 
 but cowed as well. 
 
 "And how darejou speak to me like that?" he de- 
 manded. " What right have you to interfere? " 
 
 " The right of every man to defend a woman and a 
 child against a brute. You ought to be ashamed of your- 
 self," replied Gervase Lawson. 
 
 " Mary ! leave the room," said my husband. He always, 
 called me " Mary " when he wished to be offensive. 
 
 " Not imtil you give me my child," I answered. " Oh, 
 Mr. Lawson, he has beaten her black and blue." 
 
 " Give Mrs. Stopford the child," said Lawson ia a firm 
 voice. William's only answer was to throw little Mta 
 into my arms. 
 
 " Take the young devil and be off with you," he said 
 sullenly ; " she's the moral of her mother, and will be a 
 blessing to the man who gets her." 
 
 I did not care what he said, as I hastened to the nursery 
 to rub the poor bruised little limbs and kiss the sobbing 
 little mortal to sleep. I heard a lot of talking and some- 
 thing very like high words going on in the sitting-room, 
 but I coTdd not (Mstinguish what was said between the 
 two men, and after a while William re-entered his own 
 apartment, which I took care not to approach again that 
 
64 THE NOBLES. SET. 
 
 night, nor the next morning till he had vacated it. When 
 I heard him leave the villa I sent my poor swollen-eyed 
 baby (then in a heavy slumber) out with her faithful 
 nurse upon the beach, and went myself into the sitting- 
 room to meet my host. I know I must have looked a 
 fright for my head ached like fury and my features wera 
 white and puffy with crying, but Gervase only gazed lov- 
 ingly and sympathetically at me. He gave my hand a 
 significant squeeze, as we sat down to breakfast together, 
 but did not touch on the events of the night before, until 
 the meal was concluded. Then he said, "You look 
 tired, MoUie. Suppose you rest on the sofa for a httle 
 while before you go dot, and I wiU tell you something 
 that is on my mind." 
 
 I lay down submissively — ^I always did anything he 
 told me— ^and Gervase arranged the cushions comfortably 
 beneath my head, and spread a shawl over my feet and 
 kissed my swollen eyelids, before he took a chair beside 
 me. 
 
 " MoUie," he commenced, as he laid his hand on mine, 
 " you know what the upshot of last night's business must 
 be. I shall have to go away." 
 
 " Go away," I reiterated, in a voice of pain. 
 
 " Dearest, how can I stay, after what I said to your 
 husband last night? I couldn't help it. I should do 
 just the same if it happened over again, for he behaved 
 more like a fiend than a man. But I outraged aU the 
 proprieties between a host and his guest, and he can- 
 not go on accepting my hospitality after it. You 
 must see for yourself that it is impossible. He told me 
 last night that one of us two must leave the villa, and it 
 must be I." 
 
 " But it is your house ! " I argued. 
 
 " That is no matter. I took it for a term and I shall 
 vacate it in your favour. I shall say I am tired of 
 Placenta." 
 
 " But where will you go ?" I asked in a low voice. 
 
 " Well, I have not exactly decided, but I think it will 
 be best for me to go straight back to England. It will 
 only be forestalling my return by a few weeks. I shall 
 travel from here to Buenos Ayres, and take the first 
 steamer home. I don't see anything else for me to do." 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 65 
 
 ' «« TF^en.^" I said tremblingly. 
 
 " At onc&i my darling. I cannot meet that man again, 
 I cannot trast myself. I might do him some injury. I 
 mean to leave Placenta to-day." 
 
 I could not answer him. My brain was chaos. The 
 world in which I had seemed to live so securely was 
 (jrumbling beneath my feet. Gervase was going to leave 
 me and I was to remain behind, alone with him. That 
 was all I comprehended and it seemed to spell death. 
 I lay my head back on the pillows and closed my eyes. 
 My breath seemed as though it were failing me. I longed, 
 oh ! so ardently, to die then and there, and get the misery 
 over. 
 
 « MoUie," said Gervase softly, " have you nothing to 
 say to me ? " 
 
 I shook my head in silence. Then I felt his lips close 
 to my ear. 
 
 "Darling," he whispered, "am I to go alone?" 
 
 I started and flushed scarlet. He had never hinted at 
 such a thing before. The very idea arrested my heart's 
 action. 
 
 " Mollie," continued Gervase earnestly, " as far as other 
 women are concerned, you have spoilt my life. I can 
 never love any one again as I love you. From the very 
 first moment I met you, you have filled all my heart. 
 Are you going to condemn me to a life of loneliness ? It 
 i^ rather hard — ^isn'tit? — ^for a man to feel his Ufe is 
 practically over, at seven and twenty." 
 
 « It is very hard," I answered, through my tears. 
 
 "And you are not happy either, my dearest. You 
 cannot be happy with such a cowardly, mean-spirited 
 cur as WUUam Stopford. His miserable Brazilian blood 
 comes out on every occasion. However did two such 
 opposite natures as yours ever come together ? He will 
 make all your life a purgatory to you. Come to me, 
 my love, and let my devotion atone for the miserable 
 past." 
 
 Go to him. How the thought made my heart glow 
 and my face tingle. To be lapped for the rest of my Ufe 
 in the depths of the love I knew so well — ^to be his daily 
 companion — ^to sink to sleep in his arms — ^to wake to 
 gaeet his welcoming smile. Heaven itself could not have 
 
 5 
 
66 THE NOBLER SET. 
 
 presented a fairer prospect to me. I blushed and trembled 
 and knew not what to answer. But my eyes spoke for 
 me. 
 
 " You wi'K come," said Gervase, triumphantly. "You 
 will not condemn me to an empty and desolate home and 
 a still more desolate heart. We have loved each other 
 for too long. How could we bear to part now ? It would 
 be the death of both of us. But together — ^think, Mollie, 
 what life will be together ! as loving, faithful husband and 
 wife to our lives' end. Think of me too, darling, and say 
 that you will come." 
 
 My heart took a sudden resolution. I had been hesitat- 
 ing hitherto — shocked, as all women are at the first idea 
 of outraging propriety — ^but my love for Gervase over- 
 came my scruples. What would I not have done for him 
 — ^my idol and my king ? And he would love my little 
 Nita too — ^he, who was so kind to all helpless creatures — 
 and she woiild grow up good and happy beneath our 
 care. 
 
 " Yes," I answered quickly, rising to a sitting posture, 
 " I cannot part with you, Gervase. I cannot Uve without 
 you. IwUl come." 
 
 " Thanks, thanks, my darling," he said, with a glow- 
 ing face ; " and before God you shall never have cause t» 
 regret your decision. It will be the easiest thing pos- 
 sible, Mollie. You have only to put a few things together, 
 which I will contrive to send out of the house for you, 
 and then after luncheon we will go out as usual for our 
 walk, and be miles away on our road to Buenos Ayrea 
 before Stopford returns from business." 
 
 " But you forget baby, Gervase," I interposed. " Can 
 I take her without Manuela ? Will she not worry you?" 
 
 I looked up. Mr. Lawson's brow had clouded, and hi 
 appeared uncertain and ill at ease. 
 
 "Darling," he said at length, "you are such an inno' 
 cent girl, I hardly know how to explain matters to you. 
 What would be the use of taking little Nita with us ? " 
 
 " The use, Gervase ? It is not a question of use. But 
 how could I go without her ? Do you suppose I would 
 part with my baby? No ! not for any one." 
 
 " You don't seem to imderstand what I ask of you. 
 Mollie. It is to be my viife. Of course we should b* 
 
TBE NOBLER SEX. 67 
 
 obliged to have a little patience. Such things take time. 
 But as soon as the divorce is over " 
 
 " The divorce," I stammered. 
 
 « Why, of course. You don't think that Stopf ord would 
 refuse you a divorce, do you ? As soon as he has pro- 
 cured it I shall marry you and install you as the mistress 
 of "Westmoreland Hall. Now, with regard to the little 
 one, we cotild not keep her, even if we took her with us, 
 for she is Stopford's chUd and he has the legal power to 
 claim the guardianship of her. You would only be lay- 
 ing up more unhappiness for yourself in the future. It is 
 far better to part with her at once, while she is too young 
 to miss you. Cannot you trust me, dearest ? Will not 
 my love make up to you for the sacrifice ? Will not my 
 children be as dear to you as his ? " 
 
 I could not say yes. I loved him as my life, but some- 
 thing was tugging at my heartstrings, as if they would 
 crack. 
 
 " I must go alone then. I see I am not as dear to you 
 as your child," he said, in a disappointed voice. 
 
 "No, Gervase! darling, dearest Gervase! It is not 
 true. You are first of all the world to me, and I will 
 leave everjrthing and every one for your sake." 
 
 " Thanks, my own. I thought I had not mistaken the 
 magnitude nor strength of our mutual love. Lie down 
 again, dear Mollie, and take your rest. I will walk down 
 to the depot and inquire about the trains. I know there 
 is one about three o'clock. Keep up your heart, beloved. 
 Our trials are nearly over." 
 
 He left me with a glad smile, and as soon as he had 
 disappeared I left the sofa and walked into my own room 
 to make my preparations. My heart was beating very fast 
 the while and my head was dizzy. I hardly seemed to 
 reahze the importance of the step to which I had pledged 
 myself. I only remembered that I was going away with 
 my Gervase — my perfect Gtervase — ^to begin a life of love, 
 which should last throughout eternity. 
 
 I walked about my room in a glow of expectation, that 
 was more excitement than pleasure, as I thought of the 
 daring deed I was about to do, and the scandal it would 
 create in the family. How the people at Rio de la Plan- 
 cha would talk of and revile me. How Caroline Muchas 
 
68 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 would shake her head and say she had foreseen it from 
 the first, from the horrible way in which I had flirted with 
 her Fillipo. And Mrs. Francillon and the few women I 
 had known at Fingas di Rey, how they would delight to 
 cut me up into little pieces over their tea-tables, and pity 
 the unfortunate man whom I had deluded into eloping 
 with me. I laughed in a nervous manner over the pic- 
 tures which my imagination drew for me, and was rather 
 pleased than otherwise to think of their impotent disap- 
 proval. What would it all matter so long as I had my 
 Gervase ? But I did not laugh as I thought of my mother 
 and sisters. I grew cold instead, and very sick at heart. 
 I should never see them again, I suppose, never — never. 
 I should be too improper a person to go to their house, 
 nor would they accept an invitation to mine. I had parted 
 with them once and for all. But even this remembrance 
 had no power to shake my resolution. I have been endowed 
 with so strong a sense of humour to bear me up under 
 my various troubles, that the comical side of life has 
 ever been more present to me than the sentimental, and 
 what people may say or think of me behiad my back does 
 not concern me in the least, so long as my conscience ap- 
 proves the action. But now, of course, I was walking 
 about as in a dream and hardly realizing what I was 
 doing. I spent most of the morning mechanically put- 
 ting together such garments as I needed for immecHate 
 use, wondering as I folded that, or rolled up this, imder 
 what circumstances I should next wear it. About twelve 
 o'clock Manuela brought my little Mta home from the 
 beach. I saw them approaching from my open window 
 and turned my head the other way. I felt I had not the 
 courage to look at her. As the nurse appeared on the 
 threshold of my room, I said hurriedly, " Take baby into 
 the nursery, Manuela. Don't wake her up, whatever you 
 do ! " and busied myself with the article I held in my 
 hand. But Manuela was not to be so put off. Nurses 
 are important items in a household and generally give 
 themselves airs, and she sat down on the corner of my 
 bed instead of obeying my order. 
 
 " Poor baby very sick," she said in her broken English ; 
 " never laugh nor play. Keep sleep — sleep — all the time. 
 And her little legs — cruel, cruel ! " 
 
THE NOBLEB 8E3:. 69 
 
 fihe lifted up the short skirt as she spoke, and discov- 
 ered dark purple weals where the riding whip had cut 
 into the soft white flesh of my poor innocent. 
 
 " Nice sight for baby," remarked Manuela drily. 
 
 I sunk on my knees and kissed the poor bruised little 
 hmbs. 
 
 " My little angel ! " I exclaimed. " How could any man 
 have the brutality to treat a helpless child like this ? " 
 
 " I only hope the senor will not do it again. He will kill 
 her next time," said Manuela. 
 
 " Do it again / " I cried. " Beat her again ! He shall 
 not ! If he attempts to touch her, I will go straight to a 
 doctor and report his behaviour. I will not have my 
 child's health — perhaps her life — endangered by his cruel 
 treatment." 
 
 Go for the doctor. A sudden pang rushed through my 
 heart as the words left my lips. Where should I be that 
 night if my poor infant were again maltreated ? Where 
 would her only protector be ? Where her mother ? I 
 suddenly felt as if I were choking. I rose from my knees 
 and rushed into the verandah. In a moment my future 
 was revealed to me and I knew that my heart must be 
 the sacrifice. 
 
 I adored Gervase Lawson — wickedly and foolishly 
 adored him. He was my world — my all. The very 
 thought of losing him was like Hell. But he was a world 
 I had made for myself, and my child had been given to 
 me. She was part of my life. I could not, I dared not, 
 leave her. She had been my little blessing and consoler 
 from the moment of her birth. She had received all my 
 care and attention and love (until I met Gervase again at 
 Fingas di Rey) ; she needed me in her tender innocence 
 and helplessness, to guard and protect her, and I could 
 not forsake my trust. What had I been thinking of ? 
 I had fancied somehow that there was a possibility of 
 cure for the great pain of the hopeless love which I had 
 borne for so many weary months. But I saw that I had 
 been mistaken. I had forgotten, in my passion for my . 
 lover, that no sort of happiness could ever blossom for 
 me whilst the wails of my deserted, suffering child rang 
 in my ears, to murder sleep and all my peace of mind. 
 The smaller half of the sin — deserting the man who had 
 
70 THE NOBLEB, SEX. 
 
 never been a true husband to me — I could have got over. 
 But the abandonment of my unoffending child — never. 
 The other day I came across a photograph of Nita, taken 
 about that time and stuck in an old album, under which 
 was written, " Bought with a price." 
 
 Aye, my darling ! a price which you have never dreamt 
 of — a price which I little thought, at the time, would 
 stretch out into the weary months and years of misery 
 that followed its acceptance. 
 
 Yet I never regretted that I bought you back again, 
 even at the price of my broken heart. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 71 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 I EEPENT. 
 
 From the moment of making up my mind on this subject 
 I never swerved again. I loved Gervase Lawson as much 
 as ever — nothing could undo that — but my love for him 
 had become something to add to my pain, not to my 
 pleasure. All at once it had become an impossibility. 
 It was as if the shadow of God had stepped in between 
 us. 
 
 Perhaps my explanations may seem tame. I am trying 
 to describe feelings that are really indescribable — to take 
 that wonderful piece of mechanism, a heart, through 
 which a thousand thoughts can course in a minute, and 
 pick it to pieces, like some delicate morsel of workman- 
 ship, throbbing with complex machinery. And yet each 
 heart (though so dissimilar) is so much alike in bearing 
 the common lot, that I know each human creature that 
 has suffered (though not perhaps in the same way as my- 
 self) must comprehend what my suffering was during 
 the interminable hour I waited for Gervase Lawson's 
 return. When I heard his footstep I retreated to the 
 sitting-room, where I had closed all the Jalousies, and 
 met him there. In my white dress, and with my white 
 strained face, I must have looked like a ghost. 
 
 "He has not returned?" he whispered, interrogatively. 
 
 " No, Gervase ! No." 
 
 "And you are ready. You have put your things to- 
 gether?" 
 
 "Yes. Yes." 
 
 " Then let us order luncheon at once and get it over. 
 You are looking pale and scared, my darling. You must 
 eat and drink something before we start. I have arranged 
 everything. The train goes at three-twenty ; and a car- 
 riage will be waiting for us in the road above, at three. 
 It only takes five hours from here to Buenos Ayres. We 
 shall dine there to-night, Mollie, and leave it for Eng- 
 
72 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 land, as likely as not, to-morrow. But that I shall ascer- 
 tain on arrival." 
 
 " Yes ! but, Gervase, stop a moment. I want to speak 
 to you," I gasped. " But I — I cannot go ! " 
 
 " Tou cannot go ! " he reiterated incredulously. 
 "What do you mean? — that you cannot get ready in 
 time ? What have you to get ready, darling ? Just make 
 up a bundle to carry in your hand. You can get every- 
 thing you may require for the voyage in Buenos Ayres, 
 and I don't want you to take anything that you can 
 avoid, that has been bought with his money." 
 
 " It is not that," I stammered ; " but I have been think- 
 ing, and — Oh, Gervase, don't be angry. I love you ; you 
 know I love you. But my poor baby. I cannot leave 
 her." 
 
 " You have been fooling me," he replied in a wounded 
 voice. " You never meant to come." 
 
 "I did indeed. I — I — wanted to go vnth you. But 
 when I thought it over quietly " 
 
 " You found you preferred your child to me, and I am 
 not the first in your affections (as I had flattered myself) 
 after aU." 
 
 " You are — ^you are," I said sobbing, " and you always 
 will be. But my poor baby, Gervase. You have seen 
 how he treats her, and Manuela tells me that, during my 
 illness, he struck her several times. What would she 
 do without her mother, poor helpless mite ? O ! I can- 
 not leave her. I should be no good to you without her. 
 The remembrance would poison all my happiness." 
 
 Gervase Lawson had thrown himself into a chair and 
 buried his face in his hands. 
 
 Presently he looked up and said : 
 
 " Mollie, I know you are no weak fool, to chop and 
 change your opinions. Is this your ultimatum? No, 
 don't answer me too quickly. You know that Zmust go, 
 whether you accompany me or not. Look at this parting 
 as a separation forever, and tell me again, am I to go 
 alone?" 
 
 _ " You must. I see no alternative. Oh, Gervase, have 
 pity on me. I am suffering so bitterly, but I cannot 
 desert Mta. Perhaps in the future " 
 
 " Never mind the future," he answered quickly ; "the 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 73 
 
 present is all that concerns us now. If you have changed 
 your mind, I cannot change mine. I have to go and I 
 would rather go at once. Good-bye, Mollie, good-bye. 
 It may he forever." 
 
 He took me in his arms and strained me close to him, 
 and I could feel the tears upon his face. He kissed me 
 passionately — ^not once, but a hundred times, on my eyes, 
 my lips, my forehead — and clasped me so tightly that it 
 was almost pain. I felt as if my heart were bursting. 
 At last my strength gave way and I became confused 
 and giddy. I felt my lover's hold relax and knew that 
 he had laid me on a bamboo couch beneath one of the 
 open windows. The soft sea breeze blew over my fever- 
 ish face and lifted the loose hair from my temples. It 
 seemed to revive me — ^to bring me suddenly to my senses 
 — to make me realize, as by a lightning flash, what I had 
 done. I sprung from the couch crying, " Gervase ! Ger- 
 vase ! " 
 
 But no one answered me. Silence reigned around. I 
 rushed to the back of the villa. He was not even in 
 sight. He was gone — ^utterly and entirely gone — and I 
 was alone, thenceforward and forever. 
 
 I think that those people who say that virtue is its 
 own reward have never really tried it. They have never 
 given up what is the very soul of their soul for the sake 
 of doing right. If so, they would have foimd that 
 (for awhile at least) it made them feel worse, instead of 
 better, and wicked, both with God and man. I know 
 it made me so. As the days went on, and I realized that I 
 had voluntarily relinquished the joys for which I would 
 have imperilled my salvation, I cursed the fate that had 
 brought me and Gfervase Lawson together, only to play 
 football with our hearts and lives. 
 
 As I sat dreaming over the infant in my lap, I pictured 
 him miserable, despairing and resentful, and looked out 
 into a black and hopeless future, across which not one 
 streak of light brightened the horizon. 
 
 Not quite hopeless though. We were both young and 
 strong, and we should be faithful. I was sure of that. 
 Gervase would no more forget me than I could forget 
 him, and the chances of this life were many, and who 
 knew how and when we might meet again? 
 
74 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 But now — ^what comfort was there in the bleak and 
 desolate N'ow? Did I regret, then, that I had relin- 
 quished my first project ? Sometimes bitterly, or rather 
 I regretted that my project could not have included my 
 little child. But not whilst Nita smiled in my face, and 
 made me feel how essential I was to her well-being. 
 With the courage of despair I had attacked William as 
 soon as he returned to the Villa Pepita on that fatal 
 day. I was determiued to have full measure in barter 
 for my life's happiness, and I spoke to him as I had 
 never spoken before. 
 
 I accused him of having driven his host away from 
 his own house, on account of his inhumanity to my child, 
 and I threatened him with the fullest exposure if he 
 dared to imperil her health in like maimer again. Wil- 
 liam was more than astonished — ^he was cowed. He had 
 not thought I had the courage to speak so plainly, and 
 like all bullies, he drew in his horns, and promised if I 
 kept the brat out of his way, that he would not chastise 
 her again. 
 
 Naturally we could not stay at the Villa Pepita after 
 our host had gone, and so, a few days later, we returned 
 to Fingas di Rey, and the excitement being over, I set- 
 tled down again to a monotonous round of duty, that 
 almost threatened to kill me. Had it not been for Mta, 
 I could not have endured it. I would have spread my 
 wings and flown after Gervase, as a bird to its mate, and 
 felt myself a better and more virtuous woman to rend 
 the tie that bound me to a loveless and repugnant mar- 
 riage, than to go on living a life of policy and pretence. 
 But Mta was there and chained me to her side, although 
 she had not the power to make me happy, and I have 
 often thought since that it was by God's mercy alone 
 that I did not take her in my arms some night, during 
 that maddening time, and plunge with her beneath the 
 waters of the bay of Fingas di Rey. 
 
 After the first rather formal letter which told me of 
 his safe arrival in England, and thanked me for my kind- 
 ness to him during his stay in the Brazils, I heard no 
 more of Gervase Lawson for several weeks, and my 
 health (which had never been strong since my marriage) 
 began to fail in right earnest. It was the " Merry, merry 
 
TBE NOBLER SEX. 75 
 
 month of June " when Gervase left me, and the hot sea- 
 son was at its height. My little girl was weak and 
 drooping, and my own state became so precarious, that 
 the doctor recommended an immediate return to England. 
 William could not, or would not, accompany me, and 
 asked me if I would go alone. But I hesitated. I longed 
 for the cool air and healthful breezes of my native land, 
 but I dreaded lest Gervase should imagine I was follow- 
 ing after him. To seem to pursue him, when I had vol- 
 untarily sent him from my side — ^to beckon him back (as 
 it were) when I had driven him away — ^this was an act I 
 was incapable of, and rather than incur the onus of it, I 
 felt that I would die where I was. But I grew weaker 
 every day, and the change seemed imminent. Whilst the 
 final decision was pending, and when I had lived for three 
 months without the sunshine of Gervase Lawson's pres- 
 ence, William (who was always a keen sportsman) went 
 up the river with a shooting party. Their sport took 
 them some distance from Ilngas di Rey, and they ex- 
 pected to be absent for a week. On the third or fourth 
 day of their expedition the post brought me a letter from 
 my husband, which, after giving the details of their 
 success with bears, catamoUntains, deer and smaller fry, 
 wound up after this fashion : 
 
 "By the way, we met at AguQa two feUows just out 
 from England and on their way to Mexico. They dined 
 with us in camp, and I found they were acquainted with 
 your great crony, Mr. Gervase Lawson. I have a bit of 
 news for you concerning him. He was married last 
 month to a Miss Fuller, an heiress, with lots of money. 
 The gentleman seems to know how to look after number 
 one. I should think, though, considering the hospitality 
 we showed him at Fingas di Eey, he might have had the 
 politeness to inform us of his intentions beforehand. 
 You would have liked to give him a wedding present in 
 return for his gallantry in taking your part against me, 
 wouldn't you? But he's an interfering cad, and I'm 
 very glad we're quit of him. He won't show his face in 
 this country again now." 
 
 I was alone and standing in my bedroom, when I re- 
 ceived and read this letter. How vividly I can recall the 
 appearance of everything around me, as the blow of my 
 
76 THE NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 life fell on me — as suddenly, and with much the same 
 effect as if some one had hit me on the head with a heavy 
 hammer and stopped the circulation of my braia. 
 
 My room was large and square, with a door on every 
 side and several shuttered windows. The bed stood in 
 the centre. The floor was matted. By one vdndow was 
 placed a bamboo lounge. By another a table and a chair. 
 The walls were papered in white. The muslin curtains 
 were fluttering softly in the sea breeze. Outside, I could 
 hear the natives encouraging the lazy oxen to their work. 
 The sound of a scythe could be distinguished near at 
 hand. A bird was singing in a cage suspended from the 
 porch — in the next room Nita was toddling about and 
 playing at bo-peep with Manuela.. And I— I stood still 
 and dumb, and listened to it all. 
 
 Married! It was impossible. There was some foul 
 mistake. I seized William's letter for the second time 
 and tried to decipher it, but I could not. My eyesight had 
 failed me. A loud burring sound was in my head, as if 
 thousands of wheels were going roimd and round and round 
 and coming together and clashing and separating again 
 to whirl in different directions, and the bed and the room 
 and everything in it disappeared, and I stood alone in 
 the darloiess — ^wondering in a vague manner when the 
 din would cease. 
 
 At last it cleared off and the hatefully bright sun was 
 shining on me again, and on the letter in my hand. 
 
 Married! Gervase whom I had beUeved to be forever 
 mine. Married ! And it was I who had done it ! I who 
 had refused at the last moment to keep my pledged word 
 to solace the remainder of his life. Oh ! false, short-sighted 
 fool ! What had I done ? I had spoiled his lite and my 
 own. I was in that state for a few minutes that I am 
 sure if a knife had been put into my hand I should have 
 cut my throat. But God sent His little messenger to me 
 instead. Nita toddled in from the next room where she 
 had been playing and gently pulled the skirt of my dress 
 and looked up wonderingly into my face. I looked 
 down at her. She was not a very pretty child. Those 
 who did not know her sweet and loving nature have 
 thought her plain, but to me her face has ever been that 
 of an angel, as her disposition proved itself to be. The 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 77 
 
 lisping words — the baby attempts at consolation — the 
 clinging hands and lips, brought me back to myself and 
 saved my reason. I threw my arms aromid my child, 
 and sobbed my wretched heart out on her infant bosom. 
 It may have been for the first time. It was not the 
 last. If anything could make up to me for the loss of 
 Gervase, it is the knowledge that, had I yielded to the 
 temptation his love presented, Nita would not have lived 
 beside me. When the tempest of my first terrible grief 
 was over I made no further objection to returning to 
 England. No one could mistake my motives now for 
 seeking the restoration of my health in my native land, 
 and I longed to leave the spot that was associated vnth 
 so much happiness and misery. I heard no further de- 
 tails of Gervase Lawson's marriage, but I saw the rumour 
 confirmed in the English papers, and I knew it to be 
 true. But I drew from my finger the little twisted gold 
 ring which he had taken from his own and placed there 
 when we first confessed our love for one another, and 
 breaking it into two pieces I inclosed them without a 
 word, to the address he had given me, believing he would 
 read their message as an eternal farewell, and breaking off 
 of all communication between us. And then I turned my 
 thoughts feverishly towards England and began to crave 
 for a renewal of my family ties. I had not led a very 
 happy life at home with my mother and sisters, but after 
 the terrible experiences I had passed through since leav- 
 ing them, the annoyances of my youth seemed to lose all 
 their sting, and I called myself a fool for having thought 
 so much about them. My mother's temper and my sis- 
 ters' sarcasm seemed trifles compared to the disappoint- 
 ment and misery of my married life, and I panted for 
 the moment when I should find myself once more in the 
 bosom of my family and forget the hideous nightmare 
 dream of happiness I left belund me. The arrangements 
 for my departure went on rapidly, and in another month 
 I found myself with Manuela and Nita on board a vessel 
 boimd for England, my husband having elected to remain 
 behind. Of course Mrs. Stopford and Madame Muchas 
 had plenty to say regarding the. absurdity of people call- 
 ing themselves ill when there was nothing whatever the 
 matter with them, and the iniquity of wives who started 
 
78 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 on sea voyages without the protection of their husbands 
 — ^but I was too far gone to care what anybody said con- 
 cerning me. I longed to be alone, and when the excite- 
 ment and bustle of starting were over, and I was freed 
 from the curious supervision of my husband's family and 
 friends and at liberty to indulge my feeUngs, my grief 
 was something awful. I have often wondered since that 
 I did not fling myself over the side of the vessel, in one 
 of those paroxysms of pain which so endangered my 
 reason, that the ship's doctor found it necessary to place 
 me under the influence of narcotics to prevent my lapsing 
 into delirium. 
 
 For to a sensitive and highly-strung organization these 
 mental shocks come like an uprootal of all that on which 
 it had pinned its faith for this world and the next. I 
 have already said that I was not a religions woman, but 
 it does not follow that I did not possess a fervid and 
 religious temperament. I could love, deeply and ardently, 
 and the power of loving needed only to be turned in the 
 right direction. But my mother's idea of piety had re- 
 pulsed me. I could not realize it. She was all for for- 
 mula. Morning and evening family prayers (Oh ! what a 
 hypocrite I used to feel as I knelt at a dining-room chair 
 and stuck my fingers in my ears to prevent hearing the 
 same sentences over and over again, as the days of the 
 week came round), church three times on Sunday, Bible 
 readings and Sunday schools. 
 
 For week days, no theatres, no dances, no young men 
 acquaintances, no amusement however innocent. 
 
 This was the guise under which religion had been pre- 
 sented to me, and I thought it horribly dull, and more 
 than half of it horrible humbug, and it had driven me 
 into the opposite extreme of carelessness. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 79 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 I EBTUEN HOME. 
 
 Btrx faith in my fellow-creatures and in the Divine 
 love which mitigated the unhappiness inseparable from 
 life by giving us the love of friends and children and re- 
 lations — this had been illimitable in me until the deser- 
 tion of Gervase Lawson struck the first blow at the root 
 of it. I had not blamed William Stopford so much for 
 faUing to make me happy. He did not understand my 
 nature. He was incapable of beiag a companion to any 
 one. I regarded my marriage and everjrthing connected 
 with it as an unfortunate mistake, of which the onus 
 rested chiefly on those who had permitted and brought 
 it about. William and I had never really loved each 
 other. We had been married too young. Our characters 
 were unsuited to go through life together, and perhaps 
 it was just as trying to him to find me outspoken and 
 bold, as it was to me to discover he was bigoted and 
 narrow-minded. Our coming together had been a mutual 
 misfortime, and I felt he would have been more at his 
 ease with some commonplace, empty-headed woman, who 
 would have made him appear the superior of the two. 
 
 But Gervase Lawson had professed to love me ; nay, 
 he had loved me as passionately as I loved him. He 
 knew my character also. He had studied it carefully 
 throughout our acquaintance, and had discovered all 
 those traits in it which tallied with his own. He had 
 analyzed my temperament ; he knew how warmly and 
 faithfully I could love, and how I clung to him, amidst 
 the wreckage of my life, as my ark of safety and of 
 peace. 
 
 And he had sworn to keep faithful to me through life, 
 and to remain a bachelor for my sake, so that, though 
 the higher joys of marriage were denied us, I should at 
 least feel I had always a true and loving friend, and a 
 » protector, ready to do battle for me against my enemies. 
 
80 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 Had I been older and more experienced in the ways of 
 men, I might have taken his protestations cum grano, yet 
 even in that case I should not have thought he could 
 have broken them so soon. And when I had given 
 him up, I had never imagined it was for ever (excepting 
 in that sense which was denied us), but thought I should 
 always keep him as my true and particular friend, and 
 find comfort in all my troubles from his counsel and 
 assistance. For I had looked up to Gervase Lawson as 
 something much higher and better than myself. He was 
 a man with deep impressions of religion (bom, I fancy, 
 of a poetic temperament), which, in the earlier days of 
 our acquaintance, he had tried to impart to me ; and ex- 
 cepting for that one proposed lapse from virtue, when 
 his feelings had overcome his knowledge of right, I had 
 never known him deviate from the line of duty he had 
 laid down for himself. So, when I knew that he had fallen 
 — that he had been so weak as to permit himself to be 
 drawn into a marriage that was a falsehood and a mockery 
 — ^that in order to drown the pain of losing me, he had 
 forsworn himself to love another woman, deceiving and 
 wronging her no less than he had wronged me, my whole fa- 
 bric of faith fell to the ground. If Gervase were false, who 
 could be true? If his religion had no power to sustain 
 him under disappointment, what good could there be in 
 religion at all ? 
 
 Doubtless this was a weak and childish argument, but 
 in such matters I was a child, and it influenced the 
 whole of my future life. Whatever I may have done, or 
 said, or been, since that fatal time, I ascribe it all to 
 Gervase Lawson. It was the demarcation line of my 
 existence, the boundary goal which separated a period 
 when I might have been moulded for all good, from a 
 period when I went on my own way, forming my own 
 opinions, and making my own conscience. And do I ac- 
 cuse his infidelity of too much influence on my mind. 
 For what can be more intimately connected than our 
 faith in God and our faith in man ? The one makes the 
 other. The two loves are inseparable. The first feeling 
 we experience when realizmg the happiness afforded us 
 by the affection of our fellow-creatures, is gratitude to 
 the Almighty Giver of all good gifts. 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 81 
 
 And, in like manner, when our earthly hopes are 
 blighted, we are too apt to believe that God is nowhere, 
 and that all we have been taught about Him must be un- 
 true, or the calamity could never have occurred. This is 
 a long digression, but if I am to tell all the truth, I must, 
 in justice to myself, analyze the feelings that led me on 
 to act as I have done. 
 
 I reached England in such a state of collapse, both 
 mental and bodily, that my own mother hardly knew 
 me. Never shall I forget her exclamation of horror and 
 surprise when I dragged myself into her presence. She 
 declared my face was more like a skull than that of a 
 living creature. Twenty years afterwards she used to 
 say to me, " Mollie, you look younger now than when you 
 came back from the Brazils." 
 
 She was residing then in a quiet cathedral town, and 
 for some months I took up my residence with her. None 
 of my sisters had married during my absence, but Annie 
 (whose temperament was not calculated to increase the 
 serenity of the home circle) had (fortunately for us all) 
 gone on a long visit to Charlotte in Devonshire, and Letty 
 and Elinor seemed pleased to meet me again, and made 
 much of my baby Mta. I said nothing to any of them 
 of the disappointment of my married life. I was too 
 proud to complain. And I may have feared, too, lest one 
 confidence should lead to the other. But I had not been 
 many weeks in England before I fell dangerously ill. 
 The excitement of my joui'ney beipg at an end, the 
 reaction set in, and for months I was confined to a sick 
 room. It had been October when I reached my mother's 
 house ; it was March before I could walk abroad again, 
 and then with very feeble steps. 
 
 I was ordered by the doctor to mix in as much amuse- 
 ment as was available, and my mother was cautioned not 
 to aUow me to mope, or to sit much by myself, and as I 
 conclude she saw the necessity for obedience, she urged 
 me to accompany my sisters everywhere, and make the 
 acquaintance of their friends. But the society of a cathe- 
 dral town is not, as a rule, enlivening, and I soon discov- 
 ered that going out was duller than staying at home. 
 
 I found out afterwards, by confidences from Letitia, 
 that there had been a great deal of conjecture amongst 
 
82 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 my family circle as to the cause of my illness and sud- 
 sequent melancholy. It appeared that I had been light- 
 headed, and talked more than was prudent, and for some 
 time I was in an agony of fear lest I should have men- 
 tioned Gervase Lawson's name ; but subsequent observa- 
 tion proved I had not betrayed myself. My mother and 
 sisters evidently suspected there was a secret, and were 
 curious to fathom it. 
 
 The doctor had hinted that I must have experienced a 
 mental shock, and true to their sex, they immediately 
 concluded there must be a lover at the bottom of it. 
 They teased me terribly as soon as I was well. They 
 touched the raw wound with such rough fingers, as to 
 cause me the keenest agony. But I kept my mouth shut, 
 and all they could do was to conjecture, whilst I made a 
 point of going everywhere with Letty and Nell, if only to 
 distract their attention from my state of mind. 
 
 One of our invitations led me to sing at an amateur 
 concert. My voice had always been appreciated in the 
 Brazils (except by Caroliae Muchas), but there had been 
 so little good music to be heard there amongst the Euro- 
 pean residents, that I had not thought much of the dis- 
 tinction, and was quite unprepared for the furore my 
 singing provoked in England. My voice had strength- 
 ened with my growth, and my vocalization had much im- 
 proved under the tuition of Gervase Lawson, and the two 
 ballads I sung at the concert, gained me rapturous ap- 
 plause. Though in my twenty-first year, I had left home 
 so young that I was still very childlike in many things, 
 and the discovery that my voice was something above 
 the common, was a joyful surprise to me which I could 
 not believe for some time to be true. 
 
 However, the organist of the cathedral, who was a cele- 
 brated musician and teacher, took such a fancy to what 
 he called my " young, fresh, magnificent " voice, that he 
 proposed to teach me all that he considered necessary, on 
 condition that I should occasionally sing sacred music for 
 him. I accepted his offer with gratitude, for the allow- 
 ance which William made me, of one hundred and fifty 
 pounds a year, was quite inadequate for the wants of lit- 
 tle Nita and myself, and I already longed to find some 
 means by which I could make money. I have always 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 83 
 
 been of an independent nature, and averse to laying my- 
 self under obligations to any one, and I hated that my 
 mother should give presents to my child, that should 
 have been paid for by her father, to say nothing of listen- 
 ing to the remarks my sisters made upon the subject. I 
 had no money to spare for singing lessons, but Mr. Offord 
 assured me that my voice might prove a very valuable 
 possession to me by-and-bye, and from that time I became 
 an earnest student of my favourite art. Often when the 
 congregation of the cathedral imagined that the solo in 
 the afternoon anthem was given by the principal alto in 
 the choir, it was my voice that pealed forth the notes, as 
 I stood behind the green curtains that hid the organ loft 
 from the audience below. I had taken a tiny cottage on 
 the outskirts of the town by that time, and was devoting 
 myself entirely to my child and my music. Had I then 
 forgotten Gervase Lawson ? God knows I had not — that 
 I have not forgotten him to this day. But whenever the 
 thought of him arose, I tried to put it away, and crush it 
 beneath the pride, which told me he was probably quite 
 satisfied with the company of his wife, and had never 
 reaUy loved me, as I had foolishly supposed. I used to 
 be subject to occasional violent fits of weeping, when any- 
 thing that recalled my lover's memory was suddenly pre- 
 sented to me, but these attacks of emotion would weaken 
 and exhaust me, and clear my mental atmosphere as a 
 storm does the outer air. And after I had read in one of 
 the daily papers the announcement, " At Pisa, on such a 
 date, the wife of Gervase Lawson, Esq., of Westmoreland 
 Hall, Westmoreland, of a son and heir," I seemed to real- 
 ize for the first time that his life and mine were separated 
 for evermore. I had now been twelve months iii Eng- 
 land, and the improvement in the health and appearance 
 of my little Mta was a source of great satisfaction to me. 
 She was a bonny child of three years old, rosy, stout and 
 strong, and I began to think her own father would not 
 know her when they met again. A fact I secretly rejoiced 
 over was that there was no sign of the Stopford blood 
 about her. She bid fair to be a reproduction of my own 
 face and figure. The dread I had nursed lest the half- 
 caste features and colouring of my mother and sister-in- 
 law should reappear in my offspring, seemed to have had 
 
84 THE NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 no foundation, and I used to play with Nita's yellow hair 
 and kiss her white skin with thankful triumph. So my 
 life became less turbulent and more at peace, and I too 
 regained flesh and strength, and began to hope for hap- 
 pier times. About this ,period, the daughter of one of 
 my father's oldest friends came down to Essborough to 
 visit my mother and sisters, and naturally renewed her 
 acquaintance with me. She was a popular writer, whose 
 name had become a household word in the circulating 
 libraries, and who made a good income by her penman- 
 ship. She was cordial and sjrmpathetic, and I confided 
 to her my little difQculties and my hope of being able 
 some day to make money for myself. 
 
 " My dear child," she exclaimed, " why don't you write 
 a novel?" 
 
 " I write a book," I said laughing. " Oh, rubbish. I 
 shouldn't know how to set about it. I'm not clever, like 
 you are, Frances. I haven't even the patience to write a 
 letter." 
 
 "Patience, or not, I believe you have the ability, Mol- 
 lie, and you have travelled and must have had lots of ex- 
 perience of character. Do- try. It's all very well talking 
 about making money by your voice. You have a lovely 
 voice, but would Mr. Stopf ord let you utilize it ? You 
 know what men think about publicity. The odds are, 
 that you are wasting your time in spending so much upon 
 your singing. Now, no one can take an exception to 
 literature." 
 
 "My dear Frances," I replied, "you talk as if I pos- 
 sessed your talent. In this world, one must do what one 
 can, and not what one icill." 
 
 Yet I did not forget her advice, even whilst I ridiculed 
 it, and jnore than once afterwards I caught myself pon- 
 dering on various occurrences in my past Mf e, and wonder- 
 ing how they would weave themselves into a romance. I 
 had amused myself from a very early age by writing verses 
 and love stories, but late events had driven everything 
 out of my head, except a burning desire to forget. Now, 
 however, the divuie afflatus began to stir in me again, 
 and the solitude and monotony of my life were favour- 
 able to it. I never read a book after Miss Pevxil's visit 
 to Essborough, without thinking how I should have 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 85 
 
 woven the incidents together, or brought the narrative 
 to its culminating clause. 
 
 That winter, the second after my return home, I had 
 a great scare. My little girl fell sick of scarlet fever. My 
 mother-in-law, mad and eccentric as ever, had come to 
 England with her husband, on a visit, and was living in 
 London. She was giving a children's party, to celebrate 
 the birthday of her youngest son, who was twelve years 
 old, and she insisted upon Nita being present. I repre- 
 sented that the distance between us was too great, and 
 the weather too cold, but she overbore all my objections, 
 and since I feared William's resentment if I persisted in 
 my refusal, I consented to the little one going to town in 
 charge of Manuela, and spending a day and night at the 
 house of her grandparents. The result proved my fore- 
 bodings of evil to have been correct. 
 
 Nita returned to me, pale and languid from improper 
 feeding, and with a heavy cold, which developed after a 
 while to symptoms of fever. The doctor was summoned 
 who pronounced the disorder to be scarlet fever, when it 
 was discovered that my insane mother-in-law had actually 
 invited to be her playmates and occupy the same room 
 with her, a family of children who had scarcely recovered 
 from that malignant complaint. I was wild with appre- 
 hensions from the first, but there was nothing to be done 
 but to go through with it. Mta had taken it in its worst 
 form, and as soon as Manuela heard the truth, she dis- 
 played (after the manner of the cowardly Brazilian natives) 
 such an mdescribable dread of infection, that I felt the 
 best thing to do was to send her straight out of the house 
 to my mother. So — with the exception of a charwoman 
 who refused to enter the infected room, or to come nearer 
 than the lowest step on the flight of stairs which led to 
 it — I was left without assistance. My mother or my 
 sisters used to come and stand in the little front garden 
 till they had heard from the open window how my child was 
 progressing, but no one would enter the house, and prac- 
 tically I was alone. I lived in the nursery with my baby 
 isolated from all society for seven or eight weeks. I not 
 only waited on her day and night, but I cleaned the room 
 and lighted the fire, and carried her food up and down 
 stairs. 
 
86 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 The poor mite was so weak and so dependent on me 
 that she wept if I left her for a few moments to get a 
 breath of fresh air in the garden or the adjoining apart- 
 ment, and at night I always slept with her in my arms. 
 Yet I did not take the infection. When the doctor 
 cautioned me, I told him I had too much to do to have 
 the time to take it. But when the worst of my anxiety 
 was over and my baby was out of danger, I began to feel 
 very dull for lack of amusement. I had read all my own 
 books, and people do not care to lend volumes from their 
 libraries to a house impregnated with scarlet fever. 
 Letty (who has always loved me the best of any of my 
 sisters) would have come and helped me in my nursing, 
 but my mother would not hear of her running such a 
 risk. So I was very solitary, and my doctor seemed to 
 pity me for it. He thought I was too young, perhaps, to 
 bear such a burden all by myself, and often animadverted 
 on Manuel's cowardice in leaving me alone. He asked 
 me what he could possibly do to amuse me and distract 
 my thoughts — if there was nothing he could bring me 
 from the town that would help me pass the time away 
 whilst Nita was asleep. At first I answered him, with 
 thanks, " Nothing ; " but then a sudden inspiration seized 
 me. 
 
 " Oh ! Dr. Robinson," I exclaimed, " please bring me 
 some quires of foolscap paper, and I will try and write a 
 story. I am sure I shan't succeed, but it will do to laugh 
 at when this scare is over." 
 
 On his next visit my kind-hearted doctor brought them 
 in his hand, and when night had fallen and my Uttle 
 invalid was sleeping, I procured pen and ink and went 
 and sat in the next room by myself. I do not know what 
 I had intended to write — ^verses, perhaps, or a little 
 society tale — but as soon as I put pen to paper, something 
 took possession of me that I had never felt before, and 
 thoughts, and incidents, and descriptions of scenery and 
 character seemed to pour from my brain, without any 
 volition or power to prevent them, and cover the paper 
 with written words. And Gervase Lawson ran through 
 all- of them. The many tears I had dedicated to my lost 
 lover seemed to resolve themselves into ink, and stamp 
 the thoughts of him and myself on every page. Of course 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 87 
 
 other thoughts mingled with them, but they formed the 
 axle on which the wheels of my story turned. I sat, far 
 into the night, fascinated by the ease of my new employ- 
 ment — never stopping, it seemed to me, for an idea, and 
 feeling as if I could go on writing for ever. At last my 
 cramped hand and wrist warned me I cotild do no more, 
 and I retired to rest with both mind and body in a glow. 
 But rest would not come to me. I lay, wide awake, with 
 my little Mta, red as a boiled lobster, in my arms, not 
 thinking so much of, as wondering at the long train of 
 men and women and children who passed before me, and 
 grouped themselves into circumstances and causes and 
 effects, which made me long to jump out of bed and 
 commit the ideas they brought with them to paper before 
 they faded away again. But they did not fade. They 
 came to me whenever I required them, and said just 
 what I thought they ought to say, until, when I left the 
 active duties of the day behind me, and went into the 
 next room to continue my writing, I seemed to walk out 
 of one world into another, where my ideal friends were 
 waiting to communicate with me, as real, and oh! so 
 much more true, than those I had left behind. 
 
 And Gervase Lawson always came with them, and 
 brought his words and looks and deeds of long ago, to 
 idealize and beautify my conceptions. It was the grand 
 compensation of Nature. There are some temperaments 
 that are never at their best until they have suffered, as 
 there are some herbs that do not exhale their sweetness 
 untU trodden on. 
 
 Had it not been for my love and my loss I might never 
 have discovered this panacea for my trouble — this friend, 
 who has never deserted nor been imtrue to me, my gift 
 of literature. 
 
 So my first effort grew and grew. 
 
 I did not tell my mother or my sisters what I was doing. 
 I was so afraid of ridicule or failure. I did not even 
 mention it again to the kind doctor who had been the 
 means of procuring me this great pleasure, but worked 
 on in secret, growing more in love with my own creations 
 every day. This was the first intimation I received that 
 some shreds, at least, of my dead father's mantle had 
 fallen upon me. But I hardly presumed to believe it. 
 
88 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 I only recognized the delight of the labour, and did not 
 dare to hope it might turn out to be of any value. By 
 the time the spring had come, and my little girl had 
 sufficiently recovered to leave the house and pick the 
 buttercups and, daisies, my first novel was completed and 
 I sent the manuscript with fear and trembling and with 
 many an apology for my presumption, to one of the 
 oldest and best established publishing firms in London. 
 
 I had (almost unknown to myself) transcribed my heart 
 upon the paper. I had wandered again with Gervase in 
 the woods of Fingas di Rey, and wept over his departure 
 and his loss. The words might have been written in my 
 blood, they were so true. Afterwards I recognized why 
 this work, so crude in its language and construction, 
 proved such a success. The public knew that it was 
 Nature. 
 
 After an interval of some weeks, the publishers an- 
 swered my appeal. I grew scarlet as I opened the letter, 
 expecting only some curt and formal refusal of my offer ; 
 which should mean that my poor attempt was utterly 
 presumptuous and uncalled for. 
 
 There was an inclosure in the envelope, which fluttered 
 from my trembling hands upon the table, as I devoured 
 the contents of the epistle. The firm begged to thank 
 me for the offer of my manuscript, which they had pleas- 
 ure in accepting, and would like to know how soon they 
 might expect to receive another novel from my pen. 
 They inclosed the honorarium, which they trusted I 
 should consider an adequate return for my work. I 
 picked up the paper from the table, in a flutter of curi- 
 osity. I was very ignorant of the current prices of lit- 
 erature, but if I had received twenty or thirty pounds, I 
 should have considered myself amply rewarded. 
 
 It was a cheque for one hundred and fifty. I was 
 thunderstruck. Had the firm merely agreed to publish 
 my first effort, I should have thought myself lucky ; but 
 this liberal payment for my work was beyond all my ex- 
 pectations. I became tete montee with triumph and ex- 
 ultation. I hurried my dear little patient to the Isle of 
 Wight, whilst my cottage was being cleansed and fumi- 
 gated, and sat down at once to write another novel, which 
 appeared only a few months after the first. These two 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 89 
 
 novels made my literary reputation. I may say they 
 made me. How often since have I praised God, in a 
 mental Te Deum, for having given me such a panacea, 
 against the troubles of this life, as the capability for work 
 and the honest delight I take in it. Depend on it, the 
 necessity of labour is the greatest blessing ever bestowed 
 by Heaven on earth. Never pity those who are compelled 
 to work for their bread. Pity the idlers who have no 
 necessity, except to kill the time they know not how to 
 employ. All London began to talk of my novels and of 
 me. I had published under my maiden name of Mary 
 Malmaison, and my father was still well remembered in 
 literary and scientific circles. I received many letters 
 from men and women of note, who had been his friends 
 and now offered to be mine. They all urged me to leave 
 Essborough and settle in London and enter the set to 
 which thenceforth I belonged. But though I was pleased 
 at, and thankful for, my success, I shrunk from notoriety. 
 I had written two novels and I had made some money, 
 but I was still a heartbroken woman, and realized but 
 too vividly how little popularity, or anything, could atone 
 for the cloud which had fallen on my youth. Any at- 
 tempt to lure me into society only made me shrink 
 further into my shell and feel that the happiest life for 
 me was that which was passed alone with Mta and my 
 new occupation. 
 
90 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 I FEEL MY CHAINS. 
 
 Mt mother and sisters were very much surprised, when 
 I imparted the great secret to them. I must do them the 
 justice to say that they seemed proud of my success, and 
 were ready with their congratulations, although I could 
 occasionally distinguish a little sneer, mixed with their 
 good wishes. When I say my sisters, I mean Elinor and 
 Letty. Annie, who had been bitterly jealous of my 
 marriage, was no less so of my singing or my literature. 
 She paid her mother an occasional visit to Essborough, 
 but it was generally fraught with unpleasantness, and 
 we were all glad when she went away again. Indeed, 
 she only appeared when she had no one else to go to. 
 She passed her life in visiting her friends, and when she 
 did not receive an invitation to their houses, she invited 
 herself. Her sarcastic and scandalous tongue left its 
 stiug behind it, wherever she went, and she could not 
 even leave my poor innocent alone, whom she pronounced 
 to be the most pasty-faced, ill-tempered child she had 
 ever come across. Annie was true to no one. Her 
 most intimate friends, and those from whom she had 
 received the greatest favours, incurred her ridicule, or 
 abuse, directly their backs were turned, though she 
 fawned on them to a sickening degree in their presence. 
 I have often wondered if a successful marriage would 
 have transformed Annie into an agreeable woman, but I 
 doubt it. She might have made an excellent hostess and 
 housekeeper, but the bitter tongue and the false heart 
 would have been there through it all. She was very 
 like her mother in disposition, though, strange to say, 
 she clashed more with her than with any other member 
 of the family. But our mother was a strange woman, 
 and would kill the fatted calf in order to propitiate this 
 undutiful daughter, of whom she stood terribly in awe. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 91 
 
 whilst the meek and timorous Letitia ( who wept if she 
 were rebuked) came in for all her hardest words and 
 reproaches. 
 
 When I had been living for eighteen months in Eng- 
 land, I found myself, from a worldly point of view, in a 
 very prosperous condition. My child was in excellent 
 health. My voice had so improved in tone and quality 
 and volume, that my master, the organist, was urging 
 on me the desirability of a public career as an oratorio 
 singer — and I was already regarded as one of the authors 
 of the day. 
 
 The past was past. I was freed (at least for a time) 
 from William's rule, and I was at peace. I had found 
 my vocations. I knew what I was capable of. Woman- 
 hood had dawned for me at last. 
 
 When one day my servant brought me a foreign en- 
 velope, sent me through my publishers, I recognised the 
 superscription at once. It was that of Gervase Law- 
 son. 
 
 A fierce excitement took possession of me. My head be- 
 gan to spin. I was hot and cold and sick — all by turns. I 
 crushed the letter in my hand, and hurrying away, locked 
 myself into my bedroom — as if some enemy were pursu- 
 ing me. There I sat panting and looking at the letter, 
 that lay in my lap, as if it were a living thing with the 
 power to harm me. I did not feel pleased. I felt angry 
 and indignant. Why had this man, who had cruelly 
 deserted me, pursued me to my peaceful home, where I 
 was trying to forget ? What had he to say to me ? 
 
 Possibly he had heard of my literary success, and 
 wrote to congratulate me on it. 
 
 But I would have none of his congratulations, nor his 
 letters. He had voluntarily cut himself off from my life. 
 We were strangers for evermore. Still I could not per- 
 suade myself to destroy the letter without reading it. I 
 was too curious to learn what he might have to say to 
 me. Eager and agitated I tore the envelope open. The 
 first words my eyes lit upon were, " My darling." 
 
 '■'■My darling?'' The fond name reopened the flood- 
 gates of my old sorrow. In an instant my mood had 
 changed. 
 Gervase Lawson was no longer the inconstant friend 
 
92 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 and lover, but the one idol of my heart. I seized the 
 paper and, pressing it passionately to my lips, I com- 
 menced to weep as I had not wept for many months 
 before. 
 
 " My darling." In fancy I heard his tender, musical 
 voice repeat the words ; I saw his serious eyes, his deep 
 impassioned glance. His wife, his marriage, his long si- 
 lence, everything, seemed to pass away and be forgotten, 
 under the magic influence of those two words, " My dar- 
 ling." Gervase loved me stUl. He had not forgotten. 
 No one had the power to displace me from his regard. 
 He StUl thought of me and addressed me as his darling. 
 In the first mad joy of this conviction I felt almost 
 wicked, as I remembered that time had softened so much 
 of my own regret. I even accused myself of ingratitude 
 and heartlessness and infidelity, because I had permitted 
 my stricken heart to lose its sense of trouble for awhile, 
 in cultivating the talents God had given me. It was long 
 before I was calm enough to finish reading Gervase's 
 letter, and when I did, it was with flushed and fevered 
 cheeks, and eyes almost too swollen to be able to see. It 
 was not a long letter, but it was very loving and full of 
 regret. In it he asked my pardon humbly for the past 
 — 'told me that neither his wife nor child could afford 
 him any pleasure in the present, and that he held but 
 one hope for the future, to be assured that he had not 
 spoiled the happiness of my life. His terms of endear- 
 ment were plentifully interlarded with religious senti- 
 ments, for our separation seemed to have revived aU his 
 old feelings in that respect and driven him to piety, as an 
 excuse for his infidelity. I see that now, but I did not 
 see it then. I was thankful that Gervase should have 
 found consolation in anything for the sadness of our 
 love. I thought his gratitude for the intervention of 
 Providence on our behalf ; that I had been saved from 
 the defilement of his earthly passion, and he, from com- 
 mitting a sin, which would have condemned his soul for 
 all eternity — ^very proper and beautiful. 
 
 He alluded to his marriage as the bar which he had 
 voluntarily placed between us, in order that he might 
 never even think again of wronging one whom he loved 
 as he did myself, and that all his future object in life 
 
THU NOBLER SEX. 93 
 
 would be to make me thank God with him for our deliv- 
 erance from evil. He begged me to answer his letter, 
 which was dated from Italy, where he had taken up his 
 residence, and where he intended to remain until we both 
 felt we could meet again with impunity. I was quite 
 ready to agree to his request. The receipt of his letter 
 had lifted a load from my heart, and I sat down quite 
 gaily to write him a lengthy epistle, in which I gave him 
 an account of all that I had done since we parted, told 
 him of my writing and singing, of my little Mta, of 
 everything, indeed, but my own feelings. It was a letter 
 which he could have shown to his wife, as I intended it 
 should be, for I was too wise to imitate the sentimental 
 strain in which he had addressed me. To this I received 
 a voluminous answer by return of post, and from that 
 time an active correspondence was carried on between us. 
 Our letters were supposed to be open for inspection, and 
 yet by-and-bye there crept in many an allusion, which 
 would have been Greek to any one but ourselves, and I 
 am sure it would have been wiser to drop all communi- 
 cation between us. Gervase appeared to have married a 
 singularly uneducated and uninteresting young person, 
 and I often wondered what she thought of the constant 
 interchange of sentiments between us, and whether she 
 approved of her husband having so intimate a female 
 friend. If our correspondence made us really the hap- 
 pier (which I doubt), it assuredly caused our legalised 
 partners to appear in a less favourable light than they 
 would otherwise have done. 
 
 On me, I know that Gervase Lawson's constant letters 
 had a very undesirable effect, for they kept up a kind of 
 smouldering excitement in my mind as to what would 
 happen next — a curiosity to penetrate the future and 
 learn if all this superabundance of love was reaUy to be 
 wasted, or if I and this dear friend of my youth would 
 ever be nearer and dearer to each other than we were 
 then. I am not aware that I distinctly wished or hoped 
 for anything — it was all vague and unsatisfactory — ^but 
 the feverish restlessness returned with every letter, and 
 for many a long day afterwards I could neither hear his 
 name nor handle the paper he had sent me, without the 
 rebellious blood rushing to my face and to my heart, and 
 
94 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 making me feel that I would give all the world for a 
 touch of his hand, or a word from his lips. My mind 
 was still in this condition of chaos when my husband re- 
 turned home. I had then resided eighteen months in 
 England by myself, and the event was not unexpected, 
 and I had looked forward to it with dread and apprehen- 
 sion. I had just made a circle of friends for myself in 
 Essborough. I had tasted the sweets of liberty and in- 
 dependence, and experienced some slight relief from my 
 trouble, and William took me away from it aU. 
 
 He was a shy and awkward man, even in the most 
 domestic society, preferring a lonely and retired life to 
 any amusements, and so he carried me straight off into 
 the country. He chose a deserted farmhouse, which 
 had a few acres of rabbit shooting round it, for our habi- 
 tation, where we were far from any neighbours and two 
 miles from a town. Here I had no chance of cultivating 
 or exhibiting my musical ability, and was entirely depen- 
 dent on himself for company. Mta had a large garden 
 to run about in, and wanted nothing better ; but I had 
 conceived higher aspirations, and was thrown more and 
 more upon the creations of my brain for solace. William 
 did not make any objection to my pursuing literature — 
 on the contrary, he greatly encouraged it. He was just 
 what my gisters had called him in earlier days-^mean 
 and ungenerous to a degree, and anything wMch made 
 money would have found favour in his eyes. Writing 
 was a ladylike occupation which could be carried on ia 
 the strictest privacy. It was a cat, that could catch 
 mice with mittens on ; but had it not caught mice, he 
 would very soon have prohibited it. If his mother or 
 sister sneered at my ambition, he shrugged his shoulders 
 and held his peace, not being brave enough, or loving 
 enough, to stand up manfully in my defence. But when 
 at home, he afforded me every possible facility for pur- 
 suing my profession. He urged me to it, in fact, and 
 pocketed the cheques as fast as they were sent in. In 
 those days the earnings of a man's wife were legally his 
 own, and I never presumed to dispute William's right 
 to mine. We were living very comfortably, with three 
 horses in the stable and five servants in the house, and I 
 knew that my money went far towards keeping up the 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 95 
 
 riding, driving and shooting, that my husband carried on, 
 and in wliich my work left me little time to share. I 
 did think sometimes that he might have arranged his 
 excursions so that I could take part in them ; but, after all, 
 his absence was always better to me than his society, and 
 so I would not take umbrage at his neglect. Had he but 
 left me to pursue my own avocations in peace, I should 
 not have complained. But unfortimately it was not so. 
 WiUiam had returned home, improved neither in temper, 
 nor disposition. He was fractious, irritable and fault- 
 finding. With advancing manhood, he had developed 
 into a petty autocrat, and was determined to make every 
 one around him give in to his narrow and bigoted views. 
 One must either give the lie to one's own opinions, or 
 bear the brunt of his irritable opposition. His religion 
 consisted of that hard, unbending creed, which induces 
 a Christian-like desire to rap little children over the 
 knuckles if they fall asleep during the sermon. He never 
 said a prayer in private himself, but he was very parti- 
 cular that the servants should pretend to say theirs, in 
 his presence, morning and evening, and on Sundays he 
 insisted upon marching baby Nita and me to church, 
 whether it rained or snowed, and spent his time whilst 
 there in watching how we behaved. He and I often came 
 to loggerheads over his treatment of our little girl, which 
 was no better than of yore. It seemed as though he 
 knew himself to be so insignificant and unfit to rule that 
 he was compelled to impress his authority on the house- 
 hold by warnings and corrections. The English servants 
 hated him as the Brazilian ones had done, and little Nita 
 ran away whenever she saw him coming. She was a 
 sensitive and timid child, very emotional and easily 
 alarmed. I had never struck her in my life, and the 
 occasional slaps and boxes on the ear, administered by 
 her father, and which all my remonstrances were power- 
 less to prevent, made him a living terror to her. One 
 great cause of complaint on the part of my husband was 
 my indifference to attending church. It was situated 
 three miles off from the ramshackle old farm we occupied ; 
 it was more like a whitewashed barn than a temple dedi- 
 cated to the worship of the Almighty — and its slipshod 
 services, mumbled over by an incapacitated and toothless 
 
96 THE NOBLMS. SEX. 
 
 old vicar, had no sort of attraction for me, used to the 
 magnificent performances in Essborough Cathedral. 
 
 But as my husband would not allow that I was a reason- 
 able being, and able to judge for myself in such matters, 
 I was often forced to go against my will, and the circum- 
 stance led to argument and ill-feeling between us. Had 
 a really pious man tried to make me see my duty in this 
 respect, I think he would have succeeded, for I was sorely 
 sick of the world, and longing for some better comfort 
 than it afforded me. But I knew that WUliam only did 
 it to prove he was the master, and it made me rebellious. 
 At last, one day, when I had been sitting very close to 
 my work for several weeks, and felt rather overdone, and 
 my brain was in that irritable condition well known to 
 authors who have overtaxed it, he commenced to argue 
 with me, as usual about nothing at aU — I believe it was 
 the maids' caps, or Mta's pinafores, or the mice in the 
 granary, which he declared would be quite different from 
 what they were if I only looked after them — ^until I lost 
 my patience. 
 
 " If you worry me like this, William," I cried, throwing 
 down my pen, " I shall leave off writing. Why should 
 I write if I get no thanks for it ? Here I sit, ill or well, 
 toiling away to produce money which you spend, and yet 
 you cannot, or will not, recognize the necessity of lettiag 
 me work in peace. If there are mice in the granary, get 
 more cats. Do you expect me to catch them ? And as 
 for baby's pinafores, what are they put on for, if not to 
 get dirty ? It is quite impossible for me to write whilst 
 you find fault with me for every trifle. Have your own 
 way for the future and pay your own way. I am sick of 
 it all and shall take a hoUday." I leant back in my 
 chair, as if I meant what I said, as indeed in some 
 measure I did, for I knew that, if the law permitted my 
 husband to claim all my earnings, it did not permit him 
 to force me to earn them. William's olive complexion 
 turned green with anger, and his dark eyes glanced 
 evilly at me. 
 
 "Very good," he answered, with assumed coolness. 
 " Leave off writing. It will make no difference to me, 
 though it may to yourself." 
 
 " What do you mean ? " I asked. " You are bound to 
 support me, and you are well able to do so." 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 97 
 
 " That may be, but I am not bomid to keep Nita at 
 home, and if you decline to make any more money, I 
 shall not do so. I shall send her away to school in the 
 North, to the farthest distance I can, and we will remain 
 here." 
 
 " Take my baby from me ! " I gasped ; " but you can- 
 not — you dare not. You have no possible excuse for 
 doing so." 
 
 " I can and I dare," he answered. " Nita is my child, 
 and I can place her where and with whom I see fit. I 
 may not consider this part of the country suitable for 
 her, or I may think her a nuisance at home." 
 
 " Then you may Uve by yourself," I said hotly. " You 
 don't suppose that i" should remain here, under the cir- 
 cumstances. I should follow my child to the end of the 
 world. Nothing should prevent me." 
 
 " Indeed ! " he replied, with a nasty little sneer ; " and 
 where would you get the money ? You would have none 
 from me." 
 
 Then I saw the trap I was in — the trap that all married 
 women with bad husbands were in a few years back — 
 and that I had put myself positively in this man's power. 
 He could take my poor little child (whom he knew I 
 loved better than my life) from me, and he could take all 
 the money I earned and refuse to give me any in return. 
 
 The law of England (as it then stood^ made me, with 
 my strong maternal affection and my intellect, nothing 
 better than a white slave in the hands of this petty 
 tyrant, who had not so much sense in his whole body as 
 I had in my little finger, and yet could beat his child 
 with impunity, and browbeat me until I succumbed 
 to his will. And when he crowed over me in this fashion, 
 and wielded his legal authority, the black blood in his 
 veins used to turn the balls of his eyes yellow, and make 
 him look more like a flend than a man. The Acts which 
 have been lately passed for the protection of married 
 women and their earnings are the greatest blessings ever 
 bestowed upon the daughters of England, although one 
 half of the sex does not yet know the privileges it has 
 gained. Had these Acts been passed twenty years sooner 
 my life would have altered from beginning to end, and 
 the greatest sins I have committed been avoided. As it 
 
 7 
 
98 THE NOBLMS. SEX. 
 
 was, however, no one need ask how the argument ended. 
 I returned to my literary duties with swollen eyes, and my 
 little child continued by my side. The man triumphec^ 
 and the woman succumbed. But there came a moment 
 when the woman succumbed no longer. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 99 
 
 CHAPTER XIT. 
 
 I BECOME EELIGIOUS. 
 
 The cathedral services I had been accustomed to attend 
 and assist at at Essborough had naturally imbued me with 
 a strong liking for Ritualistic worship, which appealed 
 to my senses no less than to my artistic taste. I admired 
 and enjoyed them, and considered the enjoyment at least 
 an innocent one. I have mentioned how indifferent I 
 was to the services of the Protestant church near which 
 we lived, but I discovered after a while a, High church 
 about two miles distant, and I often walked over in the 
 afternoon and attended benediction. William had on 
 several occasions made my visits there the subject of 
 a discussion, but he had never actually forbidden my 
 attendance. One summer's morning, when I had been 
 unable to sleep on account of the heat, I rose early and 
 walked off through the fresh dew-laden grass to attend 
 matins, returning in time for breakfast. 
 
 William met me at the door. What had upset him 
 more than usual that morning I never ascertained, but 
 he was in one of his most irritable and irritating tempers. 
 He pursued me from attic to basement, abusing the 
 church and the churchmen, calling them and me by the 
 most iasulting names, and meeting all my objections or 
 arguments with a taunt or a sneer. At last he began to 
 bandy words so violently with me that I thought he 
 would strike me. We were standing on the upper land- 
 ing at the time, and little Mta, frightened by his loud and 
 angry voice, ran out of her nursery, and clinging to my 
 skirts, began to cry. He seized the child by the arm and 
 pushed her rudely back into the room, and when I re- 
 monstrated with him, he gave me a blow that sent me 
 reeling down the flight of stairs. I caught at the banis- 
 ters to try and save myself in falling, and broke off 
 two of them in my hand, and I landed on the mat in 
 
I.OO THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 the hall with no limbs broken, fortunately, but cut, 
 bruised and bleeding. Although William had often 
 shoved and pushed me about before, and had tied my 
 hands behind my back, and subjected me to various other 
 iadignities, this was the first time he had actually as- 
 saulted me, and my pride was fairly roused. I thought 
 of nothing but leaving him, and though I left my child 
 behind, I walked straight out of the house and to a 
 station three miles off, where I took the train to Ess- 
 borough, and appeared in the presence of my mother. 
 Her consternation, and that of Letty and Elinor, at see- 
 ing me may be better imagined than described. I had 
 been silent to them hitherto respecting the strained rela- 
 tions between William and myself. But now I told them 
 everything, and called on them for sympathy and advice. 
 The result greatly disappointed me. My mother seemed 
 much more afraid of my being thrown back upon her 
 hands than of my life's happiness being marred. She 
 made very light of the cause of my complaint, and advised 
 me at once to return to my husband's protection. Nothing 
 was such bad form (she said) as washing one's soiled 
 linen in public. I had done the rashest thing possible in 
 leaving my home, and as for William's temper, she sup- 
 posed every wife had to suffer more or less from a similar 
 cause. She made no allowance for my wounded feelings, 
 my resentment at his injustice, my humiliation at being 
 treated worse than any man should treat a dog. Any- 
 way, she said, I was married — ^there was no getting out 
 of that — and there were compensations for everything in 
 this world if people would only regard them in a proper 
 hght. 
 
 "Married!" I repeated bitterly. "Yes, I know I am 
 married, mother, and I know whom I have to thank for 
 being so. What were you and my grandmother about 
 to let a child, as I was, marry a man like WUliam 
 Stopford?" 
 
 " This is gratitude," cried my mother, " and when you 
 have made twice as good a match as your eldest sister. 
 What's the matter -with Mr. Stopford, that you cast your 
 marriage with him in my teeth? I am not accountable 
 for the temper which, by your account, he seems to have 
 developed," 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 101 
 
 «' He has madness and black blood in his family," I 
 replied defiantly, " and you and my grandmother must 
 have known it before I went out to Eio de la Plancha." 
 
 At this my mother turned livid, even to her lips. 
 
 " Oh ! hush, MoUie ! pray hush," she said. " If such a 
 thing exists, keep it to yourself. The very servants may 
 hear you, and why should your sisters be told of such a 
 terrible disgrace ? " 
 
 " Why should they not ? " I answered. " It was not 
 too bad for me to encounter in your estimation. Why 
 should it be too bad for them to hear ? Mother ! you 
 marred my life by that marriage. William's vile temper, 
 for which he is possibly unaccountable, is the least part 
 of the misfortune. How can I tell that it may not re- 
 appear, to curse my innocent child ? " 
 
 " MoUie, you must not think of such a thing. There 
 is not the slightest chance of it. You are over-excited, 
 my dear. You must go to bed, and to-morrow you will 
 return to the care of your husband. For Nita's sake, 
 you know. You would never leave the child without 
 the protection of your presence." 
 
 "I will go to bed and think it over," I replied ; "but I 
 will never subject myself to such indignities again — ^not 
 even for Nita's sake." 
 
 But when I waked up in the morning, I found that 
 William was already in the house. He had followed me 
 by a night train from Luckley. He seemed very nervous 
 at meeting, and anxious for a truce. But in the midst of 
 my family I felt safe, and I consented to it only on my 
 own conditions, which were, that Nita should join me at 
 once and that we should remaui under my mother's roof 
 until he had taken a house for me in London. I had 
 often longed to settle in town, since I had joined the ranks 
 of the literary profession, and I felt that it was abso- 
 lutely necessary, in case of my husband's further ill-treat- 
 ment, that I should be withm an easy reach of my own 
 family and able to appeal to them against him. Rather 
 to my surprise my conditions were at once acceded to. 
 William dreaded publicity above all other things, and 
 the knowledge that I had told my mother how he had 
 served me, and that it might reach the ears of his father, 
 made him for the moment humble and submissive. He 
 
102 THM NOBLES SEX. 
 
 left me for a month in peace at Essborough, whilst he 
 engaged the house and removed the furniture from 
 Luckley, and when it was ready, Mta and I joined him, 
 and we settled down again together. I was delighted to 
 find myself in London, which imtil then I had only 
 visited at long intervals. I was soon surrounded by a 
 circle of friends, and asked out everywhere. But here 
 my husband began to exhibit an insane jealousy — ^not of 
 me and my acquaintances — ^but of the literary reputation 
 I had attained and from which he derived all the benefit. 
 He could not bear to hear me praised on that account, or 
 to find that, when he accompanied me to parties, I was 
 made more of than himself. If occasionally I received an 
 invitation from some literary light, who kindly wished to 
 encourage a rising author, but which did not include my 
 husband's name, he refused to let me go, on the plea that 
 he had been insulted. It was vain to represent to him, 
 that I had been asked in a purely professional capacity, 
 and that it would be impossible to include all the families 
 of the guests. WiUiam was resolute, and I was compelled 
 to make the schoolgirl excuse, that I was not allowed to 
 go out without Mr. Stopford. This cut me off in a great 
 measure from the society of those who would have ad- 
 vanced me in my profession. If ever my husband stum- 
 bled on an unfavourable criticism of my work, he would 
 cut out the paragraph and read it aloud, at meal-time 
 perhaps, and in the hearing of the servants, and appear 
 to rejoice at my discomfiture. In fact, instead of making 
 him value me the more, the discovery of my talent seemed 
 to turn him against me. He saw that the world thought 
 more of me than of himself, and his small nature revenged 
 itself in consequence. 
 
 At times he was positively savage. I have known him 
 enter the bedroom at night whilst I was kneeling at my 
 prayers, and seize me by the arm, shaking me roughly 
 into a standing attitude, whilst he muttered texts about 
 scribes and Pharisees giving tithes of mint and cummin. 
 
 Indeed I often thought he had inherited the family 
 madness, and began to fear as well as dislike him. The 
 time was now fast approaching when he would have to 
 return to the Brazils, and I looked forward to leaving 
 England again with horror. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 103 
 
 What should I do, I thought, shut up in Fingas di Rey, 
 with this man of uncertain temper — with his utter lack 
 of sympathy — ^his diverse tastes and strained authority ? 
 I should be alone too, for Nita (who was now four years 
 old) was growing too fast to encounter so enervating a 
 climate, and would have to be left behind under the charge 
 of my mother. The idea of parting with my chUd was 
 agony to me — ^the idea of going with my husband scarcely 
 less. I felt that under such circumstances, I should have 
 heart to continue writing, and said so openly. But I 
 had no expectation of release. To my joy it came, and 
 at WUliam's own hands. He had been calculating, possi- 
 bly, how much I was worth to him per annum, and come to 
 the conclusion that it would be impolitic to kill the 
 goose with the golden eggs. So he told me casually, one 
 day, that he had been consulting a doctor about my health, 
 and the medical opinion was, that I should never be able 
 to hve long at a time in the Brazilian climate. 
 
 " It's a pleasant prospect for me," grumbled William. 
 " Here shall I have to slave out there morning, noon and 
 night, just for the pleasure of keeping that child at home 
 and sending you backwards and forwards. It won't pay, I 
 tell you, and especially if you are not going to continue 
 writing." 
 
 " How shaU I be able to write," I said, " in the heat of 
 Fingas di Rey ? You must remember how languid and 
 inert I was whilst there. Besides, in order to write, one 
 requires occasional changes of scene and society to get 
 new ideas. And I shall be miserable into the bargain 
 without Mta, and unable to fix my mind upon anything." 
 
 " Oh, say no more," he repMed testily, " I have been 
 thinking it over, and I am sure you had much better re- 
 main at home with the child." 
 
 " Do you mean it ? " I cried joyfully. 
 
 " Yes ; but upon one condition. You mustn't expect 
 me to send you any allowance. You can make more than 
 enough money to support yourself and Nita, and it is of 
 no use my supplying you with coin to put into the 
 bank." 
 
 I saw through the motive of his consideration then, 
 but I was too glad to be rid of him to dispute it. He 
 would not have parted with me for my own good, but 
 
104 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 when it came to saving his money I was easily dispensed 
 with. However, what he had said was true. I was earn- 
 ing sufficient for my own need, and I would have been 
 thankful to purchase peace at a much higher cost. 
 
 It was settled, then, that my husband was to return to 
 Fingas di Rey without me, and I travelled to Liverpool 
 to see him off. I shall never forget the sigmflcant man- 
 ner with which Nita received the news of her father's 
 departure. It was evening when I returned home, and my 
 little girl was in the drawing-room awaiting my arrival. 
 
 " Is father gone ? Did you see him go, mother ? Are 
 you quite, quite sure he will never come back again?" 
 These were the questions Nita poured into my ears, and 
 when I answered them in the affirmative she danced 
 round and round me with delight, clapping her httle 
 hands and exclaiming " Oh, joy ! joy ! " 
 
 I sunk into a chair and covered my face. In a moment 
 my little one was scrambling on my knee. 
 
 "Mother, mother ! are you crying? Are you sorry to 
 think that father's gone ? " 
 
 " Oh, no ! my darling," I replied ; " only sorry to think 
 that you should be so glad." 
 
 And what more painful sight, and what worse tribute 
 to a man's character can there be, than the ungovernable 
 joy of his child at getting rid of him ? As soon as I had 
 settled down again to a single life and had time to con- 
 sider things seriously, I decided that if I was to live for 
 the future without any assistance from my husband, I 
 must cut down my household expenses. My little girl 
 would soon require education, and my income was a fluc- 
 tuating one. If I was to apply myself entirely to litera- 
 ture I must insure more quiet than I obtained in London. 
 I wanted to study the customs and manners of other 
 comitries also, and all these considerations combined 
 made me resolve to give up my house in town and go and 
 live, for at least a while, in Brussels, where I had several 
 friends. Accordingly I took Nita over there (Manuela 
 had long since left me to return to her native country), 
 and in a short time we were quite at home in the fur- 
 nished rooms I hired for our accommodation, and where 
 I would sit and write in the sweet serenity of the old 
 city, whilst Nita learned to chatter French from the nuns 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 105 
 
 of a neighbouring convent. But Brussels played an im- 
 portant part in the drama of my future, and it came to 
 pass in this wise. My English friends used to attend the 
 yarious services in the magnificent Catholic churches and 
 Cathedrals as mere spectacles, and at first I accompanied 
 them in the same spirit. But after a while I began to go 
 by myself — ^to steal in to benediction or compline secretly, 
 and for a much more serious reason. The solemnities 
 and beauties of the Catholic religion had sunk deep into 
 my soul — already prepared to receive them by my ad- 
 miration for the High Church of England — and, for the 
 first time in my life, I felt the promptings of what is 
 termed religion. 
 
 It is difficult for me to describe the change that took 
 place in me, nor how completely it seemed to be a change 
 that must alter the whole course of my life. 
 
 I went to church day after day, and my existence was 
 transformed. Everything I had missed hitherto came to 
 me. All the emptiness of my life was filled up at once. 
 I suppose it was the depth of my emotional nature that 
 responded to the beautiful scheme of the Catholic religion. 
 Sometimes I hope it may have been more than this, and 
 that some day I shall find my faith has all returned to 
 me, and that instead of having worshipped and followed 
 after an igp,is-/atuus, I really found the golden key 
 that shall open the gates of Heaven for me at last. 
 
 Whether or no, it was all truth to me at the time — 
 solemn, undeniable, God-given truth. I commenced to 
 read deeply, and the more I read the firmer I believed. 
 At first I hkd no trust in myself or my own feelings. I 
 credited my love of music and enthusiasm for all that is 
 beautiful with the thoughts that had taken such hold on 
 me, and believed they would soon fade away again. 
 
 But they did not do so. I lived amongst a set of Prot- 
 estants, who made an open ridicule of the Catholic reli- 
 gion and all those who practised it. I tried to see it with 
 their eyes, but it was impossible to me. 
 
 The more I looked at and examined it the more trust- 
 worthy and loveable it appeared. Yet I kept my own 
 counsel — an extraordinary thing to do for me, who usual- 
 ly run about cackling like a hen with an egg over each 
 fresh treasure that I find. 
 
106 THM NOBLER SEX. 
 
 But my present feelings were too solemn and impor- 
 tant to make common property of. Supposing — I used to 
 think — I should be altogether mistaken. It would be too 
 terrible to have to recant. So I mentioned my convic- 
 tions to no one, but I went — ^not to a Catholic priest, but 
 to a clever Protestant parson, and invited him to argue 
 me out of them. He was delighted to accept the chal- 
 lenge. He foresaw an easy victory, and commended the 
 prudence I had shown in going straight to him. In con- 
 sequence, we met many times and went carefully through' 
 the whole matter, but the parson had no power to con- 
 vince me of my error. His arguments were stale and 
 cut and dried. I had heard them all before. He had not 
 a single proof to give of his assertions, which were only 
 founded on what somebody else had thought or said. So 
 he left me — ^just where he had found me — ^very much in 
 love with the doctrine of the CathoUc church, but half 
 afraid to set my feet on what might prove a shifting sand. 
 When I had quite finished with the parson, I sought out 
 a priest and asked him to teach me all I wanted to know. 
 This was naturally an easier task. My incUnations went 
 with these lessons, and I believed that I had really found 
 the panacea for all my ills. Every past trouble seemed to 
 shrivel into insignificance beneath the contemplation of 
 this new joy. 
 
 My mother's want of sympathy — my husband's ill-treat- 
 ment — ^the loss of Gervase — all seemed to find their com- 
 pensation in the enthralling and holy mysteries that were 
 revealed to me. 
 
 I suppose it was only another and rather novel form of 
 excitement, rendered necessary by the peculiar formation 
 of my brain ; but I believed it to be a firm and lasting 
 conviction of a truth that should raise me above all 
 earthly tribulation. 
 
TBE NOBLEB SMX. 107 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 I MEET GEKVASE AGAIN. 
 
 At this juncture I considered it right to inform my hus- 
 band of the change that was taking place (or rather had 
 taken place) in my mind, and waited with much trepida- 
 tion the answer I should receive to my announcement. 
 To my utter surprise it was favourable. William did 
 not seem to resent my half-formed resolution in the 
 slightest degree. On the contrary, he wrote back to say 
 that with regard to my Roman Catholic tendencies, he 
 would rather see me a good Catholic any day than a 
 humbugging High Churchwoman. 
 
 What he intended me to understand from this asser- 
 tion I know not, but I accepted it as a consent on his 
 part to my entering the Church. The priest had been 
 urging me for some time to be baptized (especially as I 
 had never undergone that rite before),, but I had deter- 
 mined to wait until I heard what my husband said about 
 it, and I joyfully carried his letter to my spiritual ad- 
 viser, who baptized me the same afternoon by the names of 
 " Mary Veronica." As soon as ever the deed was accom- 
 plished I sat down and wrote an ardent letter of thanks 
 to my husband, telling him how happy his consent had 
 made me, and how much I hoped my new faith might 
 teach me to be a better wife to him henceforward and a 
 better mother to my child. I sent off the epistle in 
 perfect trust, and opened the answer, which reached me 
 in due course, without fear. It was to inform me that 
 he had sent instructions to his solicitor that if I refused 
 to return at once to (what he termed) the Church of my 
 fathers, he was to remove Nita from my care and leave 
 me to do as I thought fit by myself. When this message 
 was summarily delivered to me I felt paralyzed. To 
 part from William and support myself would have been 
 a joyful deliverance for which I should have thanked 
 
108 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 God, but to give up my child — my sweet, loving little 
 girl, who was so dependent on me for everything-^ 
 seemed an impossibility. What was the use of all I had 
 done and borne and resigned for her sake if it was to end 
 in this? The soUcitor, Mr. Venn, commimicated my 
 husband's wishes to me, and gave me three days in 
 which to decide whether I would give up the Catholic 
 religion or my child. He represented to me that opposi- 
 tion would only prolong the pain and not avert it, as a 
 father had every right to appeal to the law against the 
 perversion of his child's soul. It was in vain to assure 
 him I had no wish nor intention to tamper with little 
 Mta's feelings. He was resolute, and I began to wrestle 
 with the question presented to me like a creature fight- 
 ing for its life. Of course the priest urged me to stand 
 firm, and be martyred, if need were, for the sake of my 
 religion. But it was not my own martyrdom I hesitated 
 to Tuidertake. It was that of my child. I held up my 
 hands to God in agony. Did He want me to do tMs 
 thing ? He had given me my child. He had made me 
 the mother of an immortal soul and a tender, unprotected 
 body — a soul and body which I trembled to think of com- 
 mitting to the sole care of an unloving father and his un- 
 sympathetic family ! 
 
 Could it be possible that the Creator, who had made 
 me and (presumably) wished me to do what was right 
 towards my own flesh and blood, could mark out my 
 desertion of Nita as a duty — that He could care more for 
 the wai/ in which I worshipped him than for the obedi- 
 ence I paid to his commands to do as I would be done 
 by ? I could not believe it, and yet I suffered the greatest 
 agony and doubt of soul and spirit. 
 
 I rushed from one friend to another, begging, praying 
 them to advise me what to do — to tell me plaiSy what I 
 ought to do in this sore strait. 
 
 The Protestants said it was the happiest thing that 
 could have happened to me. They said it was the finger of 
 God stretched out through the agency of my husband's 
 decision to pluck me as a brand from the burning, to 
 save me from the idolatries of Rome, from the very jaws 
 of the Scarlet "Woman, from the whoredoms of Babylon 
 and the worship of a water ! 
 
THE NOBLBB SEX. 109 
 
 The Catholics, on the contrary, regarded my doubts 
 and fears as a temptation of the Evil One, and implored 
 me to keep steadfast, to place my naked feet (if neces- 
 sary) on the burning ploughshares, and that the Blessed 
 Virgin Mother and all the saints would give me the 
 strength to endure even to the end, and bear the martyr's 
 palm until I was rewarded with the martyr's crown. 
 
 But Heaven and the saints and the crown of glory 
 seemed all so far off to me, and the cry of my little child 
 was so near — the child who might go down to Hell with- 
 out her mother's love and care, and never reach the 
 visionary paradise my friends thought I was so certain 
 to attain. And I argued thus : if either I or Mta must 
 run the risk of eternal damnation, let it be myself. I am 
 surely less worthy of celestial bliss than she is, and were 
 it not the case, I would not accept the certainty of win- 
 ning it on the chance of her loss. It appeared to me to 
 be all the same as if she and I had been together on a 
 sinking ship, and my friends had said to me, " Save 
 yourself at all risks, never mind what happens to the 
 cluld." If, under such circumstances, a mother could 
 think of her own safety first, she would justly deserve 
 the execrations of her fellow-creatures. Why not, then, 
 whfere her spiritual welfare is concerned ? 
 
 But religion, as a rule, is sadly selfish. It is all " I— 
 I." " Save me, O Lord ! Deliver me from Hell. Take 
 me to Heaven, whatever may become of the rest of the 
 world." I argued on these premises with both Prot- 
 estants and Catholics, but, needless to say, I failed to 
 please either sect, and was left to decide for myself. 
 And my decision was to resign my own wishes — ^to give 
 up the practice of the Church I had just entered, and to 
 remain the guardian and protector of my little one. 
 William's cowardly nature had well known the power of 
 the whip he held over me. 
 
 I wrote him word that under any circumstances I 
 refused to part with my child — that since I had been 
 received into the Catholic Church I could not be unbap- 
 tized again, but that I agreed not to attend her services 
 nor join in her communion without letting him know. 
 At the same time I warned him that his treatment might 
 bear evil consequences in the future for both of us, as 
 
110 THS NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 though I consented to give up my adopted Church, I re- 
 fused to attend the Protestant services, which had never 
 appealed to my senses or my sympathy. Chance, I 
 added, had put it in his power to force my obedience to 
 his wishes, but he could never sway my inward con- 
 viction of a truth; and though the law might permit 
 him to keep me from church, it could not compel me to 
 attend it. So, for the time being, the matter ended, and 
 I consoled myself with the thought that Mta was still 
 with me. For the second time my love for her had had 
 the power to make me sacrifice my dearest wishes for 
 her sake. 
 
 In the exercise of the Catholic religion I had found my 
 first real consolation for my voluntary resignation of 
 Gervase Lawson. My belief was no passing fancy, 
 caught by the glitter of ceremonial. It was true and 
 real, and by forbidding me to follow inclinations which 
 were at the least innocent and pure, William Stopford 
 paved the way for something more dangerous, to iill the 
 void in my empty, aching heart. 
 
 Oh, the shortsightedness and folly of a would-be mas- 
 ter, who " drest in a little brief authority, struts like a 
 pigmy ape before high Heaven." For all that followed 
 in our married life, I blame my husband's treatment of 
 me at this juncture, far more than I do myself, andl 
 believe Heaven will so blame him for it at the last day. 
 
 I feel that this story will only interest those readers, 
 who care to study the workings of a human heart and 
 trace the influences which human beings exercise upon 
 each other's lives. It is not a concocted romance. Itis 
 a true history. The plot has not been constructed after 
 much thought and labour, so as to form a graceful whole 
 — ^with its incidents neatly fitted into one another— its 
 joy and pain equally distributed — and the comedy follow- 
 ing in time to relieve the tragedy — ^like the scenes in a 
 melodrama. That is not the way in which real lives pass, 
 though I venture to say that not many works of fiction 
 possess more incidents than mine has done. But in fiction 
 the crimes are so glossed over and committed under such 
 extenuating circumstances, in order to suit the palate of 
 the ultra-fastidious (who do not mind committing a little 
 immorality on their own account, but must not be shocked 
 
THE NO BLEB SEX. Ill 
 
 by reading of it) , that they are made to change their 
 uatures and appear like accidental weaknesses. 
 
 I have no such excuse to offer for mine. I said on com- 
 mencing my story, that I had entered into a compact 
 with myseli to tell the truth, and the truth I mean to 
 tell. I know that I started in life with every disposition 
 to do right, but the force of circumstances has seemed to 
 carry me in directions so much against my own will, 
 that I have only been able to sit down and cry with the 
 followers of Mahomet, « Kismet." " It is fate." 
 
 Looking backward, I can trace the workings of my 
 faith in God and my faith in man, winding like two sin- 
 uous lines side by side, throughout my life's history, and 
 I can see that the loss of one had much to do with the loss 
 of the other. 
 
 Trouble has different effects upon different people. 
 Some it sends to their knees in prayer ; others it hardens 
 and makes unbelieving, and I am one of the latter sort. 
 With a strong brain and determined will, I have never 
 been satisfied with the reasoning of others, unless I could 
 prove it for myself. I have wanted to know the why and 
 the wherefore of everything, and a sense of injustice has 
 always made me recoil upon myself. To attempt to kiss 
 the rod I am conscious I have not deserved, would make 
 me feel myself to be a hypocrite. So, after this last dis- 
 appointment I became silently and despairingly dull — 
 dissatisfied with myself and the world at large. My 
 Catholic friends turned from me with horror. In their 
 eyes I was an apostate and a renegade. I had put my 
 hand to the plough and had looked back. 'So tears, no 
 mother's love, no bitter struggles with heart and con- 
 science, bore any weight with them. They had loving 
 and sympathetic husbands, perhaps, by their side. Their 
 cMldren were clasped, without fear of separation, in their 
 arms. They went to Mass, surrounded by their families, 
 every Sunday. They were on the high road to Heaven, 
 booked there by a special train, and sealed with the ap- 
 proval of the Church. But for me there was no hope, 
 here or hereafter. I had fallen away from grace. The 
 Protestants did not regard me with much more favourable 
 eyes. Though I had returned outwardly to their Church I 
 was still marked with the mark of the beast. If they ven- 
 
112 TME NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 tured to congratulate me on my escape, and my return to 
 the one true fold, I answered them shortly that I had not 
 returned at all — ^that I had never been there — ^that if I was 
 anything I was a Catholic, but that imder existing condi- 
 tions I considered myself to be nothing at all. 
 
 So they, too, lifted up their eyes and hands and went on 
 their way, thanking God they were not as other men 
 were ; and as far as religion was concerned, I became a 
 pariah. 
 
 At that moment, however, when I appeared to be (met- 
 aphorically speaking) cast into outer darkness, a gleam 
 of light appeared in the horizon. I received a letter from 
 Gervase Lawson, to say that his wife and he were rather 
 tired of Continental life and had determined to return to 
 England and settle down, and that they intended to stay 
 for a while in Brussels on their way home. Gervase and 
 I had now been separated for three years, and I had long 
 ceased to look upon him as in any way belonging to my- 
 self. He appeared to live happily with his wife and to be 
 quite devoted to his little son. But we had kept up an 
 unbroken correspondence for two years past, and his 
 coming to me, just at tliis juncture, seemed as if God 
 were sending a friend to me in my distress. I was ready 
 to fall on my knees and thank Heaven for its goodness. 
 
 But I have found through life that it is a mistake to 
 thank — even Heaven — prematurely. 
 
 Gervase wrote plainly : " Were it not that you are in 
 Brussels, I should have gone straight home. It is not a 
 city that I have ever cared for, and there is only one 
 person who could draw me there — ^yourself." 
 
 From an ordinary man such a confession might have 
 appeared a premonitory symptom jjf a revival of the past, 
 but I did not read it in that light. From an ordinary 
 man, perhaps, yes ; but not from Gervase Lawson. He 
 was too good. His letters had been a course of lectures 
 against folly and dissipation, and incentive to right and 
 reli^on, from the first to the last. Ever since that pre- 
 liminary epistle, he had never alluded to our most unfor- 
 tunate attachment, except in a covert way, to thank God 
 that the danger was over and he and I firmly set with 
 our feet upon a rock of safety. He had grieved over my 
 joining the Catholic Church, and congratulated me on my 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 113 
 
 return ; but through it all, religion was the first thing 
 with him, whether its outward ordinances differed or not. 
 So I looked forward to meeting him only as a friend, 
 though not without a certain amount of excitement. As 
 soon as ever he arrived in Brussels he sent me word and 
 appointed an hour for our meeting on the following day, 
 at my apartments. 
 
 How well I remember the occasion. It stands out as 
 one of the landmarks of my hfe. Mta spent all her morn- 
 ings at her convent school and I was necessarily alone. 
 I had told my attendant that I expected an old friend 
 with whom I wished to be left imdisturbed, and dejeuner 
 was laid on the table previous to his arrival. 
 
 How vividly I recall that little meal. I can see the 
 table now. 
 
 The spiced beef, the ham salad, the dish of grapes, 
 crowned with a bouquet of pale autumn chrysanthe- 
 mums. 
 
 How such petty details remain photographed on one's 
 memory, even when the pain that stamped them so indel- 
 ibly there has passed away ! I stationed myself at my 
 window, which looked out upon the broad Place, eagerly 
 watching for Gervase Lawson's approach, and wondering 
 curiously if I should see much alteration in him after so 
 long an absence and so many changes. 
 
 As I was wondering! caught sight of him. True to 
 his time he was crossing the Place in full view, and I 
 recognized him at once. 
 
 So little changed mdeed was he — so exactly like what 
 he had been at Placenta and Fingas di Rey, that his ap- 
 pearance seemed to sweep the interval that had elapsed 
 since our sad parting away like a morning mist, and my 
 first greeting to him was conveyed in a burst of tears. I 
 tried hard to keep them back, but as soon as our hands 
 touched they got the better of me. I was horrified at my 
 want of self-control. 
 
 « Forgive me," I faltered, as soon as I could speak, 
 " but I have suffered so much since I saw you last." 
 
 "We have both suffered," he answered gently, as he 
 placed me in a chair, " but it will be cest not to allude to 
 it. Where is Nita ? " 
 
 The question created a diversion, and I recovered my- 
 
 
 
114 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 self. "We commenced to make mutual inquiries concern- 
 ing our children, and it was arranged that I was to take 
 an early opportunity to call upon his wife and see his 
 little boy, of whom he appeared to be very proud. 
 
 But during luncheon, and even as he spoke of his home 
 and his child, I could not help observing that Gervase's 
 former feelings for me were very much in the ascendant, 
 and that I was not so much at my ease as I had hoped to 
 be. Once or twice during the meal, as I stole a look at 
 the face which I had once regarded as my own, I caught 
 his blue eyes gazing at me with an expression which I 
 seemed to have met before. We had not been half an 
 hour in each other's presence before we felt wretched and 
 uncomfortable, and Mr. Lawson's want of appetite, joined 
 to his heavy, sighs, told me but too plainly what he was 
 thinking of. 
 
 I began to ask myself mournfully, if all the old busi- 
 ness had to be gone through again. Had we fought and 
 struggled and repented for three long years for nothing? 
 Was the knowledge of wrong and the resolution to do 
 right, all in vain ? 
 
 Was there something stronger in human nature than I 
 had ever dreamed of, and had this terrible temptation 
 been again presented to me just as I was weakened by 
 self-conflict, in order that I should be forced to succumb 
 to it? 
 
 " No ! no ! " I cried inwardly, " I will not succumb." 
 My Catholic teaching was still strong upon me. I was 
 better armed than I had been in former days. And I had 
 no longer part nor lot in him. I would force myself to 
 speak to bim and treat him only as a friend. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 115 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 I AM DISAPPOINTED. 
 
 We got through the tSte-d-tSte luncheon somehow, and I 
 professed to he regardless of my old lover's searching 
 looks and deep-drawn sighs. But it was a difficult task. 
 Neither of us had any appetite, and when we attempted 
 to converse we had constantly to pull ourselves together 
 and remember to whom we were speaking. It was only 
 natural that we should allude to the past. The mention 
 of my husband — of my child — of Fingas di Rey, or Rio 
 de la Plancha, all brought it on the tapis, and it seemed 
 impossible to speak of it and not stumble on the unfor- 
 tunate history of our love. So we got on very tamely, 
 and it was a relief to both of us when little Mta returned 
 from school. Mr. Lawson appeared very pleased to see 
 her. He had always been fond of children, and he caught 
 her up in his arms, exclaiming, " What a charming play- 
 fellow for my little Ronald ! He is only two years old, 
 but such a fine strong fellow of his age, and he can talk 
 as distinctly as I can. Will you come and play with my 
 little boy, Mta ? " 
 
 But Nita did not approve of such familiarity from a 
 stranger, for of course she had no recollection of Gervase 
 Lawson. She scrambled out of his grasp as soon as she 
 could, and ran to m^ side. 
 
 "No," she said, shaking her curly head. " I don't like 
 boys. I don't want your boy. I only want my mother." 
 And she held up her rosy lips to mine as she spoke. 
 
 Gervase sighed again. 
 
 « That is what your mother said, little Nita," he re- 
 plied; " she only wanted you " — and he looked me full in 
 the face as he said the words. 
 
 "Is that generous of you? " I asked in a low voice. 
 
 " Do you deserve my generosity ? " he answered ia the 
 same tone. " Your decision spoiled my whole life." 
 
116 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 "Nita," I said aloud, "put on your hat and run out in 
 the Place. I see a fantoccini show at the corner of the 
 rue Montagne." 
 
 The child went as I desired her, and I turned to my 
 visitor. 
 
 " Mr. Lawson," I commenced. 
 
 " No, not Mr. Lawson from you, Mollie, for God's sake, 
 or you will drive me wild." 
 
 " My dearest friend, then — ^if we are to meet each other, 
 we must make no allusions to the past. It is past, Ger- 
 vase — irrevocably past — and we stand on different ground. 
 Cannot we cast the bitterness behind us, and extract 
 some sweetness from what is left ? " 
 
 " That is what I want to do," he answered gloomily. 
 
 "But we shall never succeed unless we enter into 
 a compact not to touch on the old loss. The wound is 
 healed now " 
 
 " Mine is not," he said hastily ; " is yours ? " 
 
 I did not know how to answer him. Something rose 
 in my throat and eyes to prevent me. Visions of the 
 sweet long ago — of the despair which succeeded it — the 
 aching void which I felt to that day — swam before my 
 mental vision, and blinded me. 
 
 It was some moments before I could speak again. Then 
 I said brokenly : 
 
 "I shall never forget; but — ^but — ^we must not talk of 
 it — we must not think of it. You are married — and — and 
 — ^it is all over. 
 
 " Yes, I am married," he replied bitterly, " and a nice 
 hash I have made of it. I made a fool of myself. We 
 have both made fools of ourselves." 
 
 "N"o! no! Gervase, don't say that. "We did what 
 was right, and that will always be a consolation. And 
 you have your little Eonald, and I my Nita, and you 
 know that we would not exchange them for anything 
 upon earth." 
 
 " When will you come and call upon Mrs. Lawson and 
 see the boy, Mollie ? " 
 
 " To-morrow afternoon, if she will be ready to receive 
 me. I hope she will like me, Gervase, and that we may 
 be good friends." 
 
 "Thank you," he answered shortly, and went on to 
 
THE NOBLES SEX. 117 
 
 speak of my last novel, and give me his opinion on it, 
 until the time came for us to say good-bye. 
 
 But as soon as he had left me, I gave way unre- 
 strainedly to my grief. I was terribly disappointed. I 
 had looked forward with such fearless happiness to 
 this meeting, and it seemed to have raked up everything 
 that I had believed buried, if not forgotten. I was 
 angry, both with Gtervase and myself, for feeling and 
 showing emotion, which we had no right even to think 
 of. If this was the end of our conflict with wrong, we 
 must be weak mortals indeed. And I thought that 
 Gervase was to blame more than myself ; not only because 
 he was the stronger of the two, and his strength would 
 have strengthened mine, but because he was the better 
 and more religious, and should have been prepared to set 
 me an example of firmness. I could not understand, 
 since he was so ready to betray himself and to make me 
 do the same, why he should have come out' of his way to 
 visit me at all. However, I determined there should be 
 no more of it, and that I would see him for the future in 
 the presence of his wife. I walked down the rue Montague 
 de la Cour the same afternoon, and chose some toys — more 
 expensive ones than I could well afford — for the little 
 foreign-bred child, and on the following day I set forth 
 laden with my parcels for the H6tel de Saxe, where the 
 Lawsons had taken up their temporary residence. But 
 I was quite unprepared for the coolness of my reception. 
 The quondam Miss Fuller (of whom I had heard little 
 previously but the name) was an ill-educated, underbred, 
 young person, who had never been in any good society, 
 and whom her husband must certainly have kept abroad, 
 because he was ashamed to introduce her at home. She 
 was pretty, after a second-rate fashion, but she received 
 me with all the gaucherie of a housemaid, though she 
 was lodged with the luxury of a princess. The evidence 
 of their united wealth was on every side, but I felt from 
 the first that it had had no power to make them happy. 
 The little Ronald was a perfect specimen of childhood, 
 with his dark curling hair and beaming eyes, so like his 
 father's ; but he was a pampered young mortal, and ac- 
 cepted the gifts which had cost me so much as if they 
 had been of no value. Mrs. Lawson even hardly took 
 
118 TBE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 the trouble to thank me for thinMng of her child, 
 and my blood was fairly roused by her indifference. 
 I had put myself to some inconvenience and expense to 
 visit this woman (whose very existence was a grief to me), 
 and I had done it with the single-hearted motive to give 
 her pleasure, and make her feel at home with me. Be- 
 sides, I stood on a much higher platform of society than 
 herself. She was nobody, even by birth. Her wealth 
 and adjoining estates had been the only reasons for 
 which Gervase Lawson's family had urged him to marry 
 her. Whereas my title and position in the Uterary 
 world were, by this time, acknowledged by everybody. 
 No stranger who heard the name of Mary Malmaison 
 but thought it a great honour to be introduced to me. 
 And here was this ill-bred little woman, dressed in a 
 rich brocaded silk, and sitting up stiflBy in her arm-chair, 
 not only ignoring my claims to her consideration, but 
 making me feel considerably snubbed. Oh ! how I longed 
 (woman-like) to tell her that I had been her husband's 
 love long before he had ever seen her face, and that, had I 
 not rejected his pleading, she would never have caught his 
 heart (or rather his hand) in the rebound. How I would 
 have liked to tell her that he loved me even yet — ^that he 
 had told me as much only the day before — and that three 
 years' close communion with her in the sanctity of mar- 
 riage had had no power to wean his soul from mine, nor 
 to assimilate it with hers. But the laws of good breed- 
 ing forbade my noticing her rudeness, and I quitted her 
 presence as suavely as I had entered it, trying not to 
 regret (for Gervase's sake) that I had wasted so much 
 time and expense upon her. The visit was returned in 
 company with her husband (who had carefully absented 
 himself from the first interview between us), and there 
 (so far as Mrs. Lawson was concerned) the matter ended. 
 Gervase, however, called upon me very frequently, and 
 at all sorts of odd moments, and on one occasion I dis- 
 covered accidentally, that his wife did not even know 
 that he visited me. I remonstrated with him on the 
 deception, but he replied that Mrs. Lawson and he had 
 long ago come to the conclusion to lead separate Mves, 
 and he did not hold himself accountable to her for any- 
 thing he said or did. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. U9 
 
 « It is all your doing," he added significantly. "You 
 are the last person to find fault with me, MoUie. Had it 
 not been for you, I should never have married her." 
 
 " But is it right, Gervase ? " I asked him. The weary, 
 sad expression which I hated to see upon his features 
 clouded his face immediately. 
 
 "Sometimes I don't know what is right and what 
 is wrong," he answered moodily. " All I do know is 
 that I am only happy whilst I am here." 
 
 I experienced some surprise at hearing such an argu- 
 ment from the lips of a professedly reUgious man, but I 
 did not like to banish him ia consequence. I did not 
 pretend to be very strict about such matters, and if he, to 
 whom I looked up as so much above myself, did not con- 
 sider his visits to my apartments wrong, I argued that 
 they could not be so. But one day he took me com- 
 pletely by surprise. We had been talking of his departure 
 (which was now drawing near), and of his home in West- 
 moreland, from which I was at a loss to imagine how he 
 could have remained away so long. 
 
 " And you will take a double interest in it," I said, 
 trying to speak cheerfully, "now that you know that 
 every improvement or alteration you make will be for 
 the benefit of your child." 
 
 " Oh, bother the child," exclaimed Gervase irritably. 
 
 He was generally so proud and fond of little Ronald, 
 that his mood quite astonished me. 
 
 " Aren't you well," I asked, sympathetically. 
 
 " Well ! Yes. No. Have I ever been well for a mo- 
 ment since I lost you? MoUie, I can bear this state of 
 things no longer. Our reunion has awakened my old 
 love for you with double strength, and made me realize 
 that I have never lived but in your presence. Darling, 
 have you not been miserable too ? Have you not had 
 time to repent ? Could we transport ourselves again to 
 Placenta, would you not give me a different answer now 
 to what you did then ? " 
 
 He had risen from his seat and approached my side. 
 His arms were wound tightly around me. His lips and 
 eyes were close to my own. It was a terrible struggle to 
 turn my head the other way and refuse to look at him. 
 
 " No, no 1 " I cried, " I should say just the same. I 
 
120 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 could not leave my child. And oh ! Gervase, think of 
 yours, and your religion." 
 
 "What is my chUd to me, compared to you?" he an- 
 swered fiercely. " My love is not composed of such weak 
 elements as yours. And as to my religion — when I am in 
 your presence I seem to have none." 
 
 " Then I must be a snare to you," I exclaimed as I 
 struggled in his grasp. " Oh, Gervase ! Let me go. Do 
 not make my memories of you more bitter than they are." 
 
 " Then promise you will leave this place with me. We 
 have tried to do right, and it is no use. Let us commence 
 a new life on the foundation of our love. MoUie, my dar- 
 ling — my angel, hear me ! The woman who bears my 
 name can take everything. I will not defraud her of 
 one farthing. But you are my true wife and you must 
 come with me. For God's sake, come, or I wiU destroy 
 myself and you." 
 
 " Kill me, then," I answered firmly. " I would rather 
 take death from your hands than live to dishonour 
 you." 
 
 He relaxed his hold of me and I put my hand upon his 
 poor trembling head. 
 
 "Dearest Gervase," I continued, "I say it because I 
 love you still. I see clearer now. We both see clearer. 
 Do not let us combine to give the lie to our religious teach- 
 ing. And little Ronald, too. Would you have him blush 
 to hear his father mentioned ? " 
 
 He rose to his feet and staggered to the door. 
 
 " I must go, then," he said in a low voice. " I cannot 
 stay in your presence and do as you wish. We must 
 part for ever, Mollie." 
 
 " God bless you, Gervase," I faltered. 
 
 He turned and saw me standing there with the tears in 
 my eyes. He came back with a sudden impulse and 
 kissed me tenderly. 
 
 " I have wounded your life for the second time," he said. 
 " Say you forgive me." 
 
 " I do forgive you," I answered, and we kissed each 
 other again, and then Gervase Lawson went home to his 
 wife and child. 
 
 In a couple of days I heard that they had quitted 
 Brussels. 
 
THM NOBLER SEX. 121 
 
 I will not say that this event shocked me, but it made 
 my life additionally sad. 
 
 I had received so many shocks since Gervase first con- 
 fessed his love for me at Placenta, that I no longer ex- 
 pected to find human nature any better than it is. But 
 I felt deeply sorry— for him and myself, and all who 
 belonged to us. We had been wrong all through. 
 
 I saw that now. When we had once decided that we 
 could not pass our lives together, we should have sep- 
 arated for ever, and never written to or seen one another 
 more. This stirring up of old forbidden feelings is one 
 of the most dangerous things that mortals can tamper 
 with. It is like the moth playing around the flame — ^the 
 dog trying his strength against that of the lion. One is 
 bound to be burned, or eaten, at last. 
 
 It is so difficult when one knows one has been all in all 
 to one's companion, to treat him with the mere politeness 
 due to an acquaintance — so hard not to hark back to the 
 old footing — ^not to use the familiar names, and permit, 
 perhaps, the familiar caresses — feeling secure all the 
 while in the insurmountable barrier that has risen up 
 between you. But there is no barrier iu this world high 
 enough to prevent hearts and souls speaking to each 
 other. 
 
 A very stern and rigid sense of principle may do it, but 
 the only sure preventive is silence and separation for 
 evermore. 
 
 I had grown wiser since Gervase and I had parted 
 with so much pain at Placenta. I do not think I loved 
 him less in degree, but less in kind. Had we both been 
 free, my old passion for him would doubtless have sprung 
 up anew ; but we were still more mdely severed than be- 
 fore, and the old passion had been nearly drowned in 
 tears. 
 
 I had forgiven, but I had never been able to forget the 
 fact of his marriage, and that it took place at a period 
 when he must have known it would add to my suffering. 
 He had had no consideration for me then. He had fol- 
 lowed his own selfish desire to obliterate his disappoint- 
 ment as quickly as possible. 
 
 Had I found binn again, resigned and contented in his 
 home duties, it would have strengthened and completed 
 
122 THE NOB/jEB sex. 
 
 my cure. But his manner from the first moment of our 
 nieetuig had upset and made me reckless, and his final 
 outburst had made me worse. Worse, but not irresolute, 
 for as soon as he had turned his back on me I sat down 
 and wrote a letter, in which I told him that it was neces- 
 sary for both of us that we should neither meet nor cor- 
 respond with each other again. 
 
 Do not imagine that I had grown cold and heartless 
 and shed no tears upon the paper. I felt it keenly. I al- 
 most called myself unkind for writing it, but I had suf- 
 fered so terribly already for the sake of this man, that 
 I felt I had no strength to go through with it again— 
 either to combat his arguments or to oppose my own in- 
 clinations. It was the worldly wisdom I had acquired 
 that made me prefer to run away rather than to fight. 
 To that letter I received no answer. I did not expect it. 
 Gervase Lawson had returned to his home in Westmore- 
 land, and the sea once more rolled between us. But our 
 meeting had been a great disappointment to me. If my 
 ideal had toppled down from its high estate before, it 
 was ground into powder now. Gervase was no longer a 
 man to be looked up to and reverenced. He was weaker 
 than myself. 
 
 If this was all that religion could do for its devotees, 
 why should I lament over giving up mine? Philosophy 
 and a knowledge of the world would stand me in better 
 stead in a moment of danger than all these sentimental 
 prayers to an unknown Being of whom we were not even 
 certain that he could hear the words we uttered. 
 
 This was the state of mind to which the treatment of 
 two men was bringing me. Though I regarded them with 
 such different eyes, they had both done that which no 
 woman ever forgives a man — ^they had incurred my con- 
 tempt. Each in his own way had sunk lower than I 
 would have stooped to do. They had degraded them- 
 selves in my eyes, and with themselves they had de- 
 graded me. 
 
 But, luckily, I had many distractions to turn to, and I 
 took full advantage of them. 
 
XBE NOBLMB. SMX. 1^3 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 I SEE MY MOTHEE DIE. 
 
 The era that followed that second parting from Ger- 
 vase Lawson was a sad one, because it led to so much 
 that was evil. 
 
 My literary success was in the ascendant and my emo- 
 lument rapidly increased. I found the distance I was 
 hying from London interfered with business, and having 
 the means in hand, I returned to England, and took a 
 small house in a fashionable part of town and furnished 
 it according to my own taste. It was very pretty and 
 comfortable, and soon filled with a circle of private and 
 professional friends. 
 
 I have not said much hitherto about my father's family, 
 who were, nevertheless, a very numerous tribe, and 
 chiefly resident in London. Had I remained in my 
 obscurity as the wife of William Stopford, they would 
 probably have taken but little notice of me, for there had 
 always been an amount of coolness between them and 
 our branch of the family — that is to say, they associated 
 more intimately amongst themselves than they did with 
 us. When my name first appeared as an author they 
 had been very ready to condemn the presumption of the 
 attempt, and to prophesy a dire failure. But when they 
 found to their chagrin that I had succeeded, they altered 
 their tone and declared they had foreseen it from 
 the beginning. They began to come to my house in 
 shoals, and to ask me to theirs, and to boast of their re- 
 lationship to me, as the genius of the family. Persons 
 of rank and note asked for invitations to my little re- 
 unions, at which many men and women of talent appeared, 
 and my salons were soon talked of as the proper things 
 to attend. And I dashed into it all with verve and vi- 
 gour. My heart was so sore, and my mind in such a state 
 
124 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 of bewilderment and uncertainty, that I was glad to turn 
 to dissipation as a relief. Do not let any of my readers 
 be frightened at the word, which I use in its true sense. 
 To dissipate is to fritter away, and all useless lives are 
 dissipated. The necessity for constant work was not 
 yet on me, and so I sought alleviation for my oft-recur- 
 ring pain in frivolity. I became mixed up with amateur 
 theatrical societies, and first discovered my proclivity for 
 the stage by appearing in public at various London 
 theatres, in the cause of charity and amusement com- 
 bined. After my appearance at a certain well-known hall 
 of entertainment, I had a most flattering offer made me 
 by a popular manager for an immediate debut on the pro- 
 fessional stage. How amused I was at the idea of ever 
 becoming a professional actress ! And the gentleman 
 who had played with me, and who afterwards became an 
 actor himself, was indignant at such a proposal being 
 made. I can recall the lofty air with which he answered 
 the kind-hearted manager for me. 
 
 " You have made a mistake, sir. This lady is not a 
 professional, and never wOl be." 
 
 Yet, a few years later, the aim of both our lives was to 
 obtain as good an engagement as had been offered me. 
 
 My first attempt at private theatricals led to others, 
 and I was soon swamped in engagements for concerts 
 and recitations and plays. I continued to write actively, 
 but I had more leisure at this period of my life, perhaps, 
 than at any other. Nita was of an age to learn, and was 
 pursuing her studies regularly under the charge of a 
 governess. There was but little trespass on my time 
 on her behalf, and when she had retired to rest, my 
 evenings were entirely at my own disposal. I was then 
 five-and-twenty — older than my age, doubtless, in sorrow 
 and experience — ^but still yoimg enough to enter into 
 amusement with the avidity of a girl. I was in the full 
 swim of society. I might have attended dances or din- 
 ner parties every evening of my life, and received more 
 boxes and stalls for the opera and theatre than I knew 
 how to dispose of. I degenerated also into a great flirt. 
 That intense love of attraction and admiration which, if 
 it were inherent in my nature, had never developed itself 
 before, now came to the surface, and wherever I went I 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 125 
 
 had a score of admirers in my train, no one of which I 
 preferred to the other. I was always a good conversa- 
 tionalist, and travel and experience had enlarged my 
 mind, and rendered me capable of amusing my fellow- 
 creatures — ^no mean art, let me observe, in these days of 
 "used-uppishness" and ennui. 
 
 And so long as my admirers were amused, and con- 
 gregated round me, I cared little for what the world said 
 of my proceedings. It was constantly being repeated to 
 me, that Mrs. So and So had said I was very fast, and 
 Miss This or That had declared I was a horrible flirt and 
 went on in a disgraceful fashion for a married woman ; 
 but the repetitions only made me laugh and behave worse 
 than before. I was a little literary lion for the time 
 being. People could not get on without me at their par- 
 ties, and I felt I could do as I chose. I am afraid, too, I 
 was rather reckless. I actually tried to love some of 
 these men who swarmed around me. I thought it might 
 dispel my sad thoughts if I could put some feeling into my 
 flirtations. It would not be the real thing, I knew ; but 
 it might prove an excellent imitation and serve to subdue 
 the restless excitement that was always gnavraig at my 
 vitals. But it was in vain. I could not care. I flirted 
 with them aU alike — ^let them call me by my proper 
 name, and if they squeezed my hand, or put an arm 
 around my waist, I laughed at the impertinence as an 
 excellent joke, at the same time I ordered them to keep 
 their distance. In fact, my heart had hardened, and I 
 cared for nothing — except Mta. I had endeavoured so 
 hard to do what was right and my best efforts had 
 been turned against myself, so that I had begun to doubt 
 whether it was of any use trying — ^whether, indeed, there 
 were any Heaven, or any Hell — or anything after death, 
 but dust and ashes and an eternal sleep. The best and 
 cleverest men I knew at that time believed so, and who 
 was I, to set up my paltry opinions against those of minds 
 so far superior to my own ? And the puzzle of my life 
 was already sufficiently complicated to make me incred- 
 ulous of there being any one to look after me, or to care 
 if I went right or wrong. At this time I looked remark- 
 ably young for my age, and notwithstanding the trials 
 I had passed through, I was very youthful in my mind. 
 
126 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 and the electric buoyancy of my spirits, wliich were gen- 
 erally at fever heat. I constantly detected myself doing 
 and saying foolish things, of which my own child would 
 hardly have been guilty, and "the heart of woe," to 
 which I have before alluded, led me into many a scrape, 
 from which my " brain of iron " seemed incapable of pre- 
 serving me. When I was at the very height of my social 
 popularity, however — in the zenith of my London life— a 
 sad event occurred in the death of my mother. I was 
 dressing to go out to a dinner party one evening, when 
 a letter from my sister Annie was handed me. In it she 
 informed me that our mother had been ill for some time 
 from bronchitis, but they had not apprehended any dan- 
 ger till a few days before. Now, however, the doctor 
 had warned them that she was sinking, and that it was 
 necessary to summon any one who wished to see her be- 
 fore she died. In a moment my evening dress was off 
 my shoulders, and I was enveloping myself in a travel- 
 ling costume. My maid was sent for the railway guide, 
 that I might see how soon I could catch a train for Ess- 
 borough, and I was scribbling a note of apology to the 
 friends who expected me to dinner, for my necessary de- 
 falcation. The room was spinning round with me. I 
 could not see to write, or remember what was proper to 
 be said. All my poor mother's tempers and want of 
 sympathy were forgotten in the distress I experienced at 
 the news of her illness. She was my mother and she was 
 dying. That was the only thought that possessed me. 
 I started by a train that left London at seven o'clock, and 
 in an hour I found myself at Essborough. When I 
 reached the house, my sister, Charlotte Davenant, was 
 the first person I encountered. Everybody seemed to 
 have been advised of my mother's illness before myself. 
 Even Annie had travelled from a distance, three days 
 previously, and I complained bitterly to her that I shomd 
 have been kept in the dark for so long. 
 
 " Well, I didn't see the good of it," she said in her dis- 
 agreeable way. " There are more than enough of us here 
 already. And mother's been wandering for days past. 
 She won't know you now you have come." 
 
 I sat down near a table and began to cry bitterly. 
 Charlotte placed her hand kindly on my head. 
 
TBE NOBLER SEX. 127 
 
 « Eidiculous ! " I heard Annie say, as she left the room. 
 «< Don't be so afiEected, MoUie. You know she's been a 
 very bad mother to us, and it can make no earthly differ- 
 ence to our happiness, if she lives or dies." 
 
 " Oh ! hush, hush, Annie. Eemember she is our mother," 
 said Charlotte reprovingly, as the other slammed the door 
 behind her. 
 
 She then prepared me to encounter a painful sight. 
 She said that our mother's health had been breaking for 
 sometime past, and that she was now sinking from sheer 
 weakness. " We have been keepmg her strength up with 
 champagne, according to the doctor's orders, but it ex- 
 cites her terribly, though I really don't believe she knows 
 what she is saying. She exhibits a positive terror of 
 Annie, and I wish we could keep her out of the room, 
 but you know her obstinacy." 
 
 "But if she terrifies mother, she must not go in/* 
 said positively. 
 
 " I wish you may be able to keep her out, Mollle. 
 However, it won't be for long." 
 
 " How long? " I asked sadly. 
 
 " Dr. Murchison says it is impossible to tell. It might 
 happen to-night, or to-morrow, or this moment. But 
 mother has inmiense vitality. Lay aside your bonnet, 
 dear, and come up and see her. She has been very proud 
 of you, Mollie. You were always her favourite." 
 
 I did as my sister desired me, and drying my wet face, 
 followed her to the upper storey and into my mother's 
 dying chamber. But what she had said had little pre- 
 pared me for the sight I encountered there. My mother 
 was sitting up in bed — ^her grey hair streaming over her 
 shoulders, and her eyes protruding from their sockets — 
 as she pointed with her fingers at some imaginary terror, 
 which she fancied was standing at the foot of the bed. 
 
 "Go away!" she called out vehemently. "I don't 
 want you. Take Peter and Paul away. I don't want to see 
 them. I won't go with them. They are devils — devils 
 —come to drag me down to Hell." 
 
 " Oh ! dearie, don't speak so," said the sick nurse, bend- 
 ing over her. " Think of Jesus, who came to save you 
 from your sins. You are going to Jesus, you know, to be 
 happy with Him for ever." 
 
128 TBJB NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 " I don't want to go," cried my poor mother with a 
 look of terror. " I want to stay here. Give me cham- 
 pagne — port wine — anything. Don't let me die. You 
 want me to die, or you would give me something to sup- 
 port my strength." 
 
 " Here, dear mother, here," said Charlotte, as she pre- 
 sented a glass of wine to her, but the sick woman pushed 
 it away and sunk back on her pillows. 
 
 " Oh ! I am dying," she exclaimed. " I hnow I am dy- 
 ing. I can read it in all your faces — and lam not pre- 
 pared.^'' 
 
 I shrunk backwards with horror. I had never admired, 
 nor sympathized with my mother's narrow creed, but I 
 had believed, at least, that it was sincere. But to see 
 her thus, in the hour of her extremity, without hope, or 
 peace, or anything to rest upon, made the world and its 
 foundations, as it were, rock imder me. Letty read my 
 horror in my face and, crossing the room, kissed me and 
 led me silently away. 
 
 " This is terrible," I cried, as soon as we found our- 
 selves alone. " How long has she been in such an awful 
 frame of mind ? " 
 
 " You mustn't think so much of it," replied my sister 
 calmly. " Mother is not herself, remember, and she was 
 always very much afraid of death. Dr. Murchison says 
 that had she not fought against it, as she is doing now, 
 she would have sunk a week ago." 
 
 " But, Letty," I said, " her religion — ^her prayers — ^her 
 trust. What good are they to her now ? " 
 
 My sister shrugged her shoulders. " You see as much 
 as I do, MoUie," she replied. " But for my part, I never 
 had much faith in poor mother's religion. It made 
 everybody unhappy, including herself." 
 
 We had the pain of listening to the same sort of thing 
 for three long days, and then our poor mother's physical 
 strength was exhausted and she lay still and without 
 speaking. She had not appeared to recognize me once, 
 but as I was bending over her at the last, her eyes met 
 mine and I saw she knew me. 
 
 "Suig, Mollie," she whispered, "sing the Evenmg 
 Hymn." 
 
 I complied with her request, and as I finished it, she 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 129 
 
 curled herself up in her bed, like a dog going to sleep — 
 and died. 
 
 Her death seemed to be accepted as a relief by my sis- 
 ters, but it made a deep impression upon me. What was 
 the use and meaning of this hfe, which was so soon over, 
 and so full of care and misery whilst it lasted ? 
 
 And when mine should be over, like that of my poor 
 mother, what was to become of me ? Where was she ? 
 Where should 7" find myself ? This was the first time, 
 since I had been a woman, that I had ever been face to 
 face with death, and the trouble it induced checked all 
 my gaiety and made me look back upon my thoughtless 
 career with horror. I wanted to pray as I had once been 
 used to do — to pray for her — for myself — for all of us. 
 But it was now two years since I had entered a church 
 of any sort, and I had got out of the way of prayer. Be- 
 sides, the very act of falliug on my knees was a reproach 
 tome. 
 
 What right had I to address a Being whose ordinance 
 I scorned, or passed by with indifference ? 
 
 Another change came over me, or rather the callous- 
 ness which I had tried to assume towards all religious 
 things, melted away. I grew thin, pale and anxious. I 
 could not sleep, nor eat, for thinking of the good old 
 priest in Brussels, who had instructed and encouraged 
 me, and baptized me iuto the Catholic Church. He had 
 died since then, and in dying had bequeathed a book to 
 his renegade proselyte, which I had received, but never 
 dared to open. Now I reached it down from my book- 
 shelf and perused it eagerly. It was Faber's " All for 
 Jesus." 
 
 It seemed to revive all my vanished feelings — to make 
 me stand in the same place I had occupied, when my 
 hopes and desires were centred in the Catholic Church, 
 and I was miserable to remember what a coward I had 
 been to leave her fold, from sheer fright of what a man 
 could do to me. 
 
 Had I stood firm and suffered the separation from my 
 child, for a little while, might not William have decided 
 that it was better to let me have my own way, than to 
 break up his home and deprive his daughter of her 
 mother's care ? 
 
 9 
 
130 TME NOBLER SEX. 
 
 I had not seen my husband then for more than three 
 years, and I had forgotten a good deal of his former 
 treatment of me. 
 
 People thought it strange he should leave a young 
 wife so much by herself, but he appeared to be quite 
 happy in Fingas di Rey, and had neither proposed that 
 I should join him there, nor that he should pay another 
 visit to England. 
 
 Absence often softens feelings that have been hard 
 and bitter, and with the young and malleable, impres- 
 sions are quickly effaced. 
 
 Time had made me think more leniently of William. 
 I judged him as a man, whereas he was then (and always 
 had been) without any manly traits in his composition. 
 
 The result of this revival was a determination on my 
 part to do a tardy justice to my convictions. I resolved 
 to be a coward no longer. I was a baptized CathoUc, and 
 no one could rob me of my privileges in that respect. I 
 had practised heathenism long enough. For two years 
 I had led a godless, irreligious life, for the sake of keep- 
 ing my child near me, but I felt that the time was over 
 for such a sacrifice. Nita was a big girl now, in her 
 sixth year, and what her nurse termed, "well out of 
 hand." She would soon be old enough to go to school, 
 and then we must of necessity be separated. My old ex- 
 cuse, therefore, seemed to have fallen from me, and I 
 determined once more to try and do what was right. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 131 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 I APPEAL TO THE LAW. 
 
 But I set about it in a diflferent way from what I had 
 done at first. I resolved not to startle my husband by a 
 sudden declaration of my intentions, but after having 
 prepared him by several letters for the alteration in my 
 state of mind (of which he took no notice), I sent him a 
 lengthy explanation of my feelings and begged him to 
 give his sanction to my once more attending the services 
 of the Church of my adoption. I represented to him how 
 dad it was for me to live, year after year, without attend- 
 ing any of the ordinances of religion — how bad for Mta 
 to know that I did so — and I presumed to say, that I 
 should be a better wife and mother if he permitted me to 
 try and be a better woman. I reminded him that I had 
 for many years paid all the expenses of myself and my 
 child from my literary earnings, and I promised to con- 
 tinue to work for her and him, if he would only grant 
 me the privilege, unmolested, which could be claimed by 
 every free Briton, to worship God in the way I thought 
 best. 
 
 I awaited the answer to this letter in the greatest trep- 
 idation, and God only knows how I prayed that it might 
 be favourable. 
 
 Where do our prayers go to when we pray ? "We are 
 told in the Bible that if we ask, we shall receive, but 
 very few people ever hear anything of their prayers after 
 the sound of them has floated away into the ilUmitable 
 ether. The theologians try to get out of it by saying 
 that the Almighty answers prayer at his own time and 
 in his own way, but we are generally in our coffins before 
 it comes to pass. The way in which my prayer was an- 
 swered was that the letter William sent back again was 
 the most bitter I had ever received from him. It is un- 
 
132 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 necessary to transcribe the details of it, but it ended with 
 this agreeable threat : 
 
 " I shall return home by the next mail, and nothing 
 that I have ever done yet shall equal what I intend to do. 
 I will treat you as I would a drunken scullion that had 
 forgotten her duty, and you will either give in to my 
 wishes, or leave my house." 
 
 I flew with this letter to my brother-in-law, Charles 
 Stopford, who was a curate in a village not far from 
 town, called Newton Piercy. 
 
 He was a priggish, pragmatical young man, who seemed 
 to consider that his call to holy orders raised him to 
 a level with the Archbishop of Canterbury — and that, 
 although I was his brother's wife, it was exceedingly im- 
 proper I should thrust my way into his bachelor apart- 
 ments. But he was the only one of my husband's family 
 to whom I could appeal — my father-in-law having been 
 dead for some time and his widow returned to her nativie 
 Brazils — and I entreated him to tell me what William 
 meant. Did he really intend to disgrace me in the eyes 
 of the child who loved and honoured me — of the friends 
 who esteemed me — of the world who had set me on a 
 little pimiacle of fame? Would he dare — ^had he the 
 power to drive me from home, because my religious prin- 
 ciples differed from his own ? 
 
 The Reverend Charles Stopford looked very grave, but 
 replied that he really could not answer for his brother's 
 actions nor define the amount of his power; that the 
 subject of his complaint was a very sad and solemn one, 
 and he hardly thought the law of England would take 
 the part of a Catholic wife, against her Protestant hus- 
 band. He strongly advised me to leave my house before 
 William's return and stay with friends, until the matter 
 was finally decided between us. He particularly cau- 
 tioned me against meeting William, until we had come 
 to some definite settlement in writiag. I saw that he 
 distrusted his brother's self-control, and I resolved to 
 take his advice, for I had seen enough of my husband's 
 ungovernable temper to make me rather afraid of a per- 
 sonal encounter with him. It was an easy task. I had 
 only to leave my servants in charge of the house to await 
 their master's return, whilst I took Mta down to my sis- 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. Ig3 
 
 ter, Mrs. Davenant, whose husband was the rector of Dene 
 in Devon. As soon as I reached her, I sent a letter to 
 meet WiUiam on his arrival, in which I told him where I 
 was, and why I had gme there, and expressed my readi- 
 ness to return home al soon as ever I had his written 
 promise that there should be no violence. 
 
 But the promise never came. My husband's native 
 blood urged him on to nothing but revenge, and he would 
 not even try and make terms with me. I had, but a few 
 months before, paid a large sum of money to have my 
 house entirely repapered and decorated, and had put 
 furniture into it that had cost me many hundred pounds. 
 
 This furniture WiUiam immediately sold for his own 
 benefit, without any reference to me : discharged my ser- 
 vants and gave up the house to the landlord to do as he 
 chose with. He then left town and went on a shooting 
 and fishing excursion to Scotland, casting me on the 
 world (as it were) without a home. 
 
 My friends all considered that I had been very badly 
 treated, and my brother-in-law, Mr. Davenant, who was 
 much attached to me, urged me strongly to appeal to the 
 law against the treatment to which I had been for so 
 many years subjected by my husband. For I have for- 
 gotten to say that I and my four sisters had been left co- 
 heiresses and wards of court by our late father, although 
 we derived no benefit from our small patrimonies until 
 after our mother's death, which had occurred so l^itely 
 that her affairs were still unsettled. It was to the Court 
 of Chancery, therefore, that, by my solicitor's advice, I 
 presently appealed, to afford me some redress against the 
 man who had benefited by the use of my earnings so long, 
 and then actually robbed me of the possessions I had ac- 
 quired with them. The Married Woman's Property Act 
 had not then passed, but had it done so, my marriage 
 had taken place too soon for me to take advantage of it, 
 so that an appeal to the Lord Chancellor for protection 
 was the only remedy open to me. 
 
 As soon as William Stopford found that I was deter- 
 mined to make my cause a public one, he became greatly 
 alarmed, and set both his own family and mine on me, to 
 prevent an esclandre. But this time I stood firm. It 
 was not the martyr's faith that prompted me (though I 
 
134 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 longed, oh ! so tomcA, to be religious), but the dogged re- 
 solve that I would be trampled on no longer by a fellow- 
 creature so inferior to myself. 
 
 My pride was fairly in the ascendant — that pride which 
 has ever been the predominating feature in my character 
 — and the only concession I would make to him was that 
 the case should be heard in camera. It was one of the 
 greatest mistakes in my life. Had I insisted on publicity, 
 my husband would probably have agreed to my condi- 
 tions, for he knew that his deeds would not bear the light 
 of day. And had he not done so, the world, which has so 
 misjudged me, would have seen for itself which of us 
 was right and which, wrong. 
 
 As it was — my pride being too great to permit me to 
 discuss my private affairs with strangers, and Mr. Stop- 
 ford being troubled with no such scruples — ^the public 
 (in default of hearing my side of the story) accepted his. 
 As usual, it was months before the case came on, duriag 
 which time I stayed quietly in Devonshire with my sister. 
 
 At last the day for heariag arrived, and I went up to 
 town to meet this man, whom I called my husband (but 
 who, after the first few months, had never been anything 
 but a petty tyrant to me), in court. 
 
 I can see the scene now. 
 
 The judge's private chamber, not much larger than a 
 good-sized dining-room — ^the judge (who was a Jew) 
 seated at the table before a pile of papers — the counsel 
 on either side of him. 
 
 I with my hand clasped tight iu that of my sister, Mrs. 
 Davenant ; and my husband, with his dark Brazilian face 
 and cruel revengeful eyes, seated beside his brother 
 Charles, and eagerly awaiting a verdict in his favour. 
 
 The matter — so important to us two — ^was disposed of 
 as easily as if it had been a mere quibble over a laun- 
 dress's bill. 
 
 The judge smiled in a contemptuous way, at the open- 
 ing of the case. 
 
 " Being a Jew myself," he said, " I confess I do not 
 understand these petty squabbles over religion. Are not 
 the Catholic and Protestant faiths both Christian ? What 
 does it signify which church the lady attends ? " 
 
 But when my counsel in explanation began to read out 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 135 
 
 some of the letters I had received from Mr. Stopford on 
 the subject, the judge struck his hand upon the table and 
 exclaimed : 
 
 " I will hear no more. They are not the letters of a 
 gentleman. They are not the letters of a man. They 
 are the letters of a brute." At this open rebuke I saw 
 WiUiam's face grow livid, and he whispered earnestly to 
 his counsel. But the judge appeared impatient of any 
 further explanation. 
 
 " As I understand the case," he said, looking at his 
 notes, " this lady has not only educated her child by the 
 exercise of her literary talents, but has relieved her hus- 
 band of all expenses for herself or the household. Has 
 the defendant any accusation to bring against her as a 
 wife or a mother ? " 
 
 The answer was in the negative. 
 
 " Very weU," continued the judge, " then the decision 
 of the court is : that she shall be permitted to Uve by her- 
 self, free and unmolested, and have the charge of her 
 child until it shall have attained the age of seven years. 
 What age is the child now ? " 
 
 " Six years, my lord," replied the counsel. 
 
 "I wish I could do more than this," continued the 
 judge. " I wish I could give this lady the guardianship 
 of her daughter altogether, but that is beyond my power. 
 There is no English law more stringent than that, which 
 gives the father complete control of his children's minds 
 and bodies between the ages of seven and fourteen. How- 
 ever, when the time for giving up this child to the care 
 of the father arrives, I shall make an order that the 
 mother may have access to it every day." 
 
 But here the counsel for the defendant started up. 
 
 "My lord," he said eagerly, " I rise to oppose the order. 
 This lady (as perhaps you are aware) is Miss Malmaison, 
 the authoress. She is a woman with an abnormally 
 powerful brain. She has immense influence over her 
 child, who is strongly attached to her, and my client has 
 every reason to fear that, if she has such frequent access 
 to her, she will bias her opinions in the future." 
 
 The judge smiled again in a sarcastic manner. How 
 contemptible these domestic bickerings must seem in the 
 eyes of those who can regard them with impartial eyes ! 
 
136 THE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 " And this is the woman," he said, " from whom your 
 cUent wishes to separate her child. Well, these cases 
 are inexplicable to me, and seem to be brought into court 
 only to satisfy a private spite. However, as it is not in 
 my power (without the. consent of the defendant) to en- 
 force the order for more than once a week, it shall be 
 settled so, and on his part he will not be allowed, when 
 the time arrives, to remove the child more than two hun- 
 dred miles from London. And now, the only thing to be 
 decided is, the amount of alimony to be claimed by the 
 plaintifE." 
 
 Here I performed one of the most ill-advised actions of 
 my life. I sprang to my feet, exclaiming eagerly : 
 
 " I want no alimony, my lord. I would not take it 
 from him if I were starving. The crust of bread he 
 paid for would choke me." 
 
 My counsel pulled me by the sleeve, entreating me to 
 sit down and be silent, and not spoil my cause. But I 
 insisted upon refusing any ahmony. I stood there in 
 my deep mourning, with flushed cheeks and moistened 
 eyes, pleading against myself, as though it had been my 
 life that were in question. 
 
 My decision must have gladdened William Stopford's 
 stingy soul, and the case being concluded, the court 
 were about to disperse, when the counsel for the defend- 
 ant asked leave to put a final question. 
 
 The plaintiff (he averred) made large sums of money 
 by her writing, and the loss of her services would con- 
 siderably reduce his client's income. Would not his 
 lordship rule an order for a certain amount of her earn- 
 ings to be paid over annually to the defendant? 
 
 At this new perplexity I started. 
 
 Was it possible that the law would order me to toil 
 ad infinitum for the support of this man, who was to 
 pay me nothing and who had already robbed me of so 
 much ? But I need not have been alarmed. There is a 
 limit even to the law's disregard of human misery, and 
 tears. A glance at the good judge's face dispelled my 
 fears. I never saw a man look more thoroughly dis- 
 gusted. 
 
 " No ! " he thundered in reply, " and you ought to be 
 ashamed of yourself to ask me such a question." 
 
THE NOBLEU SEX. 137 
 
 And so the Stopford versus Stopford case concluded — 
 innocently enough — except for the crime of disunion, 
 though I have heard it reported several times since that 
 the reason it was heard in camera was because the 
 details were too disgusting to be published. Mr. 
 Stopford attempted to excuse his own part of the busi- 
 ness, by making the falsest and most unfounded accusa- 
 tions against me, but as my friends who believed in me 
 were many and his were few, I had the best of the 
 bargain after all. I returned at once to Devonshire 
 with my sister, and he went back to his work at Fingas 
 diRey. 
 
 We had resumed the same positions in which we stood 
 to one another before we committed the fatal mistake of 
 marriage. 
 
 Except for Nita — Mta, on whom I could not look now 
 without a twinge of pain, remembering how soon the 
 time would come when I should be compelled to hand 
 her over to her father's guardianship. 
 
138 THU NOBLMB. SEX. 
 
 CHAPTEK XVII. 
 
 I rNTEODUCB MY FBDENDS. 
 
 My readers may feel curious to learn what my own 
 relations said and did during proceedings which were 
 likely to have so powerful an influence over my future 
 life. What did Annie and NeU and Letty think of my 
 struggle for freedom ? Did they come forward to help 
 or encourage me? Did they send me sympathetic 
 letters and express their indignation at Mr. Stopford's 
 treatment ? Could I turn to my own flesh and blood for 
 counsel or for consolation? 
 
 To all of which questions I am bound to answer, No ! 
 
 My relations did what relations generally do when 
 there is any doubt, or perplexity, or trouble about ; they 
 kept out of the way. If I appealed to them for advice 
 they preferred not to express an opinion in the matter. 
 If I looked to them for comfort, they replied that I had 
 brought it on myself. 
 
 They had been unanimously opposed to my becom- 
 ing a Catholic. 
 
 Those who were pious amongst them said I was a 
 sinner — ^those who were worldly said I was a fool — and 
 all agreed that I had made a great fuss about nothing at 
 all. So I had to lie down on the bed I had made for 
 myself, and count over, like a shipwrecked mariner, my 
 gains and losses. All this worry had no effect upon my 
 literary earnings, that was one satisfaction, for I needed 
 all I could make in order to furnish a new home for Nita 
 and myself. My sisters were pretty well scattered. 
 Charlotte lived all the year round at Dene, with her 
 dear good husband and thriving family. They wanted 
 me to make a permanent residence with them, but 
 though I loved the country, it did not furnish me with 
 sufficient ideas for the brilliant and " up to date " 
 writing which is required from an author who would be 
 
TEE NOBLES. SEX. 139 
 
 popular in the present decade. Annie (who promised to 
 be the old maid of the family) lived nowhere in par- 
 ticular, but stayed about in seaside boarding-houses, and 
 was never more than a few months in the same place. 
 Elinor, who had been engaged to be married at the time 
 of my mother's death, was now the wife of a country 
 gentleman in Suffolk — a genial, kind-hearted fellow, 
 who had plenty of money and had cordially invited Letty 
 to make Saxmundham her home until she had one of her 
 own. So, as far as my sisters were concerned, I was alone, 
 virtually separated from all my nearest relations. 
 I never saw any of them for a confidential conver- 
 sation, nor had they any supervision over my affairs. 
 I was my own mistress. I saw whom I hked, and 
 visited whom I liked, uncautioned and unchecked. It is a 
 dangerous position for any young woman. One thing 
 alone held me to home and love — my little Mta. 
 
 I know that mothers are proverbially partial to their 
 offspring, but I really do not think any mother had ever 
 more cause to be satisfied with the appearance of her 
 child than I had. I do not allude to her personal looks 
 alone, though they had improved in a marvellous degree. 
 All the pallor and sickly weakness which had stig- 
 matized her early years, from being born in an enervating 
 climate, had disappeared, to give place to a fair complex- 
 ion and rosy bloom that were very attractive. 
 
 Her hair was soft as the silk of the cocoon, and much 
 the same colour ; her eyes were of the bluest grey or 
 greyest blue ; her nose delicate and piquante, though 
 not retrousse, and her mouth and chin perfect. She 
 was a tall child for her age, being generally taken 
 for some years older than she was, and from having been 
 brought up so closely to my side, her intelligence was 
 unusually developed. Bright by nature, her curiosity 
 was ever on the alert to learn the why and the where- 
 fore of everything, which her powerful memory never 
 let go again. Had I not repressed her love of reading, 
 and checked her vivid imagination, Nita would have 
 developed into that terrible monstrosity, the infant 
 prodigy. But I let her mix as much as possible witt 
 other children, and prevented her listening to conver- 
 sation above her years. Her governess told me that 
 
140 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 she attracted the attention of strangers wherever she 
 went by her unusual beauty, and I knew that had I 
 chosen to force her intellect, I could have made anything 
 of her that I chose. 
 
 Other mothers used to praise my little girl to me and 
 say how fortimate I was to possess a child so gifted by 
 nature — mentally and physically. And I would agree 
 with them, aU in a glow of pride and excitement at their 
 kindly approbation, until the thought struck me that 
 before long I must give her up — she would be mine no 
 longer — and the glow would fade away in a paUor of 
 fear. 
 
 But I would look at Nita sometimes when we were 
 alone together, and remember, with a shudder, how I 
 had bought her, and say to myself that God, for whose 
 sake I had sacriflced so much, would never let this final 
 blow fall on me. She was all I had left. Surely His 
 right arm was not shortened that it could not save ! 
 Something would intervene to prevent my losing Mta. 
 William would not use the power the law allotted him. 
 He would not be burdened with the care of a child. His 
 heart would relent at the last moment, or he woidd die, 
 and Nita and I would be free to love each other to our 
 life's end. Oh ! God would never take her from me. He 
 knew she was my all, and if I lost her I should become a 
 wicked and a reckless woman. 
 
 And though I spoke presumptuously — and what some 
 people might have termed blasphemously — I spoke the 
 bitter truth. Mta was my safeguard, my anchor to love 
 and home, and when she was taken from me I drifted to 
 and fro, like a rudderless boat, till I was socially wrecked. 
 But I must not anticipate my story. Some people may 
 think that as I had now gained my own way, and been 
 left, by the order of the court, at liberty to pursue my 
 inclinations with regard to religion, I ought to have been 
 very happy. 
 
 But I was not. What woman can be happy who feels 
 at flve-and-twenty that she has made an utter failure of 
 her life — that everything that others of her sex most 
 look forward to, in marriage and motherhood, is virtually 
 over for her, and nothing gained by it, but everything, 
 on the contrary, lost. 
 
XHE NOBLER SEX. 141 
 
 For though, in the glow of religious fervour, I had felt I 
 could resign the whole world for the privilege of pouring 
 out my prayers in a Catholic church, and being allowed 
 to confess my sins and receive absolution, and feel my- 
 self to be one with those whom I held to be the true 
 believers, I must allow that when I was free to do exactly 
 as I chose, my religion did not console me as I had ex- 
 pected it to do. Of course it ought to have done so, and 
 it was my own fault that it did not. I should have 
 gloried ia being called upon to wear the martyr's crown 
 of thorns, and kissed my cross with fervid gratitude. 
 
 But this is a record of facts, and the fact is that I 
 did not, and that the constantly recurring thought that 
 my child was to be taken from me, made me often 
 wonder if I had been wise in going to law with my hus- 
 band at all. 
 
 In this world we are ruled by our affections, and the 
 heavenly love seldom takes full possession of our hearts 
 untU the earthly is eliminated. I went to Mass regularly 
 and did my outward duty as a Catholic, but it was 
 more from a spirit of bravado, and an unconfessed feeling 
 that since I had given up so much for it, I might as well 
 get what comfort I could in return. IBut my prayers 
 were cold and lifeless, and my attention wandered. No 
 divine fervour warmed my soul to God, as it would have 
 warmed my heart, had I been assured that Mta and I 
 would never be called upon to part. I was ripe to rush 
 into any dissipation (religious or otherwise) that would 
 drown the bitter thought that my child was not my own. 
 Sometimes I even fancied that I could humble my pride 
 to write to Mr. Stopford and tell him that I had made a 
 mistake, in imagining anything could compensate me for 
 what I had reUnquished, and that if he would condone 
 the past and restore me to my rightful position as the 
 mistress of his house, I would never throw it up again of 
 my own free will. 
 
 What a mean, uncertain, contemptible spirit, some 
 people, who have never been tried or tempted as I was, 
 may cry. Let them attempt to rend the chains that gall 
 them, and they will find how little justice there is in 
 England for the woman, ho'jvever innocent, who is sep- 
 arated from her husband. It is divorce without freedom 
 
142 TBE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 — ^loss without hope of gain — the pulling down of a 
 domestic hearth, without any chance of building it up 
 again. There is a great deal, after all, in the comfort- 
 able, settled feeling that one stands upon one's legal 
 rights as the acknowledged mistress of a household. 
 
 Had only "William been less narrow-minded and un- 
 generous, and Zless craving after emotional excitement, 
 matters might have turned out very differently. 
 
 But no one knows where the shoe pinches, except him 
 who wears it. My sisters, when speaking of my imfor- 
 tiuiate marriage, used to ask me how it was I managed 
 so ill — and say that I had more sense in my little finger 
 than William Stopford had in his whole body — and with 
 a little finesse I might have twisted and turned him at 
 my will. 
 
 They may have spoken the truth, but it was not my 
 metier to get my way by duplicity or finesse. I have 
 never been able to do the " twisting " and " turning " bus- 
 iness to accomplish my designs — in other words, to lie — in 
 order to gain my end. And at this juncture, too, my pride 
 was very much in the ascendant, and I would have let my 
 heart bleed to death, sooner than confess what I suffered. 
 
 I used to say in my agony that I would make the con- 
 cession, but I never raised a finger to do it. "William 
 Stopford was not the man to have been moved by an ap- 
 peal from a suffering or repentant woman. He would 
 have rejoiced to witness her pain — would have watched 
 her struggles with delight—and taken a malicious 
 pleasure in refusing her petition. And had he, from 
 motives of policy, consented to forgive (or seem to for- 
 give) the past, and taken me once more beneath his 
 protection, how he would have triumphed over my humil- 
 iation and never let me forget one hour in the day that I 
 had undergone it. 
 
 No ! greatly as I dreaded the separation from my child, 
 I never thought of meeting Mr. Stopford again without 
 a shudder, and I had no greater relaxation from the pain 
 of thought than my work afforded me. "When I found 
 myself alone and vrithout the possibility of assistance 
 from my husband, I commenced to write more energet- 
 ically than ever. I had not only the present to provide 
 for now, but the future to think of. If illness or inca- 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 143 
 
 pacity overtook me, what was to become of Nita, or my- 
 self, without I had a few pounds laid by against a rainy 
 day? 
 
 We were settled in a small house in a small terrace, 
 close to a lovely park, in which Mta could run on the 
 green grass and beneath the leafy trees, all through the 
 summer weather. It is needless to say that I had many 
 friends. I was a woman of birth ; I had made a certain 
 mark in the literary world, and could command a toler- 
 able amount of money. 
 
 Under similar circumstances, any woman could secure 
 friendship (so called). 
 
 The wealthy and noble Catholic families opened their 
 doors to me. They considered I was one of themselves 
 in reality now. 
 
 I had been baptized into the faith, in blood and fire. 
 They did not know how unworthy I was of that baptism, 
 and that the blood only flowed and the flre burned when 
 I heard Mta's merry voice, or looked into her beaming 
 eyes and remembered that though I had bought her at 
 the price of my own happiness, I had sold her again for 
 a mess of pottage, which did not satisfy me. 
 
 So I did not frequent their houses, nor often accept 
 their hospitality. 
 
 I felt as though I visited them on false pretences. I 
 was a martyr truly, but a martyr made, not by God but 
 man, and one who did not love her martyrdom. 
 
 But men and women stiU flocked aroimd me freely, 
 although my house was smaller and my means more 
 limited than before, not limited in quantity, but in being 
 less freely spent, on account of the necessity I have 
 mentioned of making a prudent provision against a pos- 
 sible future. Amongst my intimate friends were several 
 of the other sex — whom I have always preferred as com- 
 panions to my own. Not that I am blind to the virtues 
 of women, but that I love to learn rather than to teach — 
 to listen than to talk — ^to look up, instead of looking 
 down. And men, as a rule, are less deceitful than women, 
 especially to women. 
 
 If a man does not like you he very soon shows it by 
 his avoidance of your society ; but a woman will flatter 
 you, if there is anything to be got out of you, to the 
 
144 THE NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 day of your death, and speak against you directly your 
 back is turned. 
 
 What woman is to be trusted to stand up for you when 
 you are not by ? Deceit is as easy to them as eating their 
 dinner. It is part of their religion. 
 
 A man friend thinks of you, a woman of herself ; and 
 it is hot until a woman c&n. forget herself that she be- 
 comes a true friend. 
 
 I know several ladies who are the most excellent com- 
 pany when they are alone with their own sex. But let a 
 man enter the room and they become distraite at once. 
 
 It is this self-consciousness that destroys both the 
 pleasure and the benefit of society. "With me, sex has 
 never made any difference in friendship. There are 
 women whom I have treated like men, in going to them 
 for assistance or advice, and men whom I have treated 
 like women, in confiding to them my troubles, and receiv- 
 ing their sympathy in return. 
 
 At this particular epoch of my hfe I had many female 
 friends — ^thatis, women who called themselves my friends, 
 but who turned out to be none at all in the time of need; 
 worse than that, to be the cruellest and most malicious 
 of enemies. 
 
 I had not been long in my new residence before I knew 
 half the people in the terrace ; but especially the ladies 
 who Uved either side of me. They were constantly 
 running in and out of my house, and vowed the greatest 
 admiration and affection for me. 
 
 One was the old wife of a young husband. She had 
 been married an incalculable number of times, had trav- 
 elled a good deal, and held the strings of the money-bag. 
 
 She was a silly empty-headed woman, thinking of little 
 beside her dress and jewellery, and appearance and having 
 nothing to talk of but her past conquests, or the ad- 
 miration she provoked in the present. 
 
 Wherein, then, lay her attraction for me ? In a very 
 soft and suave manner, in an apparently unfailing 
 sympathy, in a caressing voice, which breathed the most 
 delicate fiattery and appreciation of my mental gifts. 
 Most people spoke of her in compassionating terms as 
 " poor Mrs. Grant ; " still everybody continued to invite 
 her to their houses, or rather to admit her ; for she pos- 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 145 
 
 sessed a wonderful faculty for appearing uninvited, wher- 
 ever a festivity was going on. 
 
 But no one could have had the heart to give the cold 
 shoulder to anybody with so plaintive a voice and such 
 beseeching eyes. This lady made herself exceedingly 
 intimate with me. She told me all her troubles (the 
 young husband was not always so attentive as she ex- 
 pected him to be), and I told her mine. She used my 
 possessions as her own. Not a book in my library nor a 
 flower on my balcony (always rare treasures with me in 
 London), not a seat in my box at the theatre, nor in my 
 hansom cab, but she was made heartily welcome to, and I 
 came at last to regard her almost as a sister. I told every- 
 thing to Clarice Grant. It was foolish, no doubt, and 
 indiscreet, but with some hearts, if they cannot unburden 
 themselves they must break, and it was a solace to me to 
 confide in her. And a day came when her husband was 
 brought home alarmingly ill with heart disease, and I 
 watched beside him with her day and night, and kept all 
 troubles and anxieties away until he had recovered 
 sufficiently to encounter them. I can honestly say that 
 at no period of our acquaintance did I ever have any 
 good thing without wislung to share it with Clarice, and 
 was always grateful for the affection she seemed to feel 
 for me and my child. 
 
 The lady who occupied the house on the other side of 
 mine was quite a different sort of person. 
 
 She was about my own age, artistic and clever, but 
 though a CathoUc by profession, strongly imbued by 
 atheistical opinions, derived from a study of the German 
 philosophers, and very lax in her morality. I had been 
 drawn towards her from the fact of her being an author 
 like myself, though less well known in the literary world ; 
 but when I became sufficiently intimate to hear her con- 
 fidences, they deeply shocked me. She was not the first 
 specimen of the frisky English matron that I had en- 
 countered in society ; but she was the first whom I had 
 ever heard openly confess to the possession of a lover 
 without the slightest shame or apparent consciousness that 
 it was anything out of the common. My early and faith- 
 ful love for Gervase Lawson had made me very lenient 
 towards what the French call rinJlclilitS du coeur / but 
 
 10 
 
146 THB NOBLER SEX. 
 
 from rififidSliti du corps (which they consider the lesser 
 crime of the two) I shrank with horror. 
 
 The remembrance of my own experience made me see 
 that there are cases in which such a misfortune as letting 
 one's heart stray from the right path may occur without 
 any premeditated guilt, and consequently I had always 
 felt very deeply for men or women placed in the same 
 predicament. 
 
 But to glory in such a fact, or consider it a feather in 
 one's cap, was quite a new phase of the situation to me. 
 It very soon ceased to be so. 
 
 Whatever some women may attest, and however some 
 men may rave at the assertion, the fact remains that, 
 whatever England may have been in this respect fifty 
 years ago, England is very loose in her married morals 
 now. There is not a society paper that does not point 
 out this truth, over and over again. But I do not go by 
 the newspapers. I speak from my own experience. 
 Dozens of wives have placed their spontaneous and un- 
 desired confidences in me to this effect. Young girls 
 who have only been married for a year or two have re- 
 lated their love experiences with some other than their 
 husband, in a laughing, half-deprecating manner that 
 proved how lightly they thought of the occurrence. 
 Others again have owned to the possession of three and 
 four lovers at the same time, and when I have told them 
 in return what I honestly thought of such a confession, 
 they have dropped my acquaintance and told their 
 friends it was because I was too fast. 
 
 This lady, whom I will call Hilda, was living with a 
 husband who was devoted to her, and had a nursery full 
 of little children. She had a lover at the time she first 
 confided in me, with whom she had been intimate for 
 several years. She had to tell any number of falsehoods 
 and resort to all manner of subterfuges, in order to meet 
 him without the knowledge of her husband, and the life 
 of deceit she lived amazed and disgusted me. And 
 yet she had a fascination about her, the fascination of a 
 brilUant genius and a deeply-read and thoughtful mind, 
 that attracted me to her, against my better judgment, 
 and certainly against my approbation of her conduct. 
 As soon as she made me acquainted with her reckless 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 147 
 
 mode of life, I felt there must be an expose at some time 
 or other ; but it occurred sooner than I had expected. 
 One night when the inhabitants of the terrace were 
 asleep, the silence was broken by a succession of piercing 
 screams, which roused everybody and filled the win- 
 dows with spectators. Outside my house, and knock- 
 ing incessantly at the door, stood Hilda, in dishabille, 
 whilst she kept on crying out, as in great alarm, upon my 
 name. Beside her was her husband, Mr. Leopold, doing 
 all he could to make her return home, whilst a police 
 officer stood on the pavement, undecided whether the 
 lady was drunk or mad. I, guessing that some disgrace- 
 ful scene had occurred next door, refused to answer 
 Hilda's appeal or to take any part in the matter, and 
 after a while the tumult ceased and the husband and 
 wife returned to their own house. Early the next morn- 
 ing, I received an incoherent note from Hilda, desiring 
 to see me without delay. 
 
148 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XVin, 
 
 I VISIT A CLAIKVOYXST. 
 
 I POUND her alone, Mr. Leopold having gone on his 
 usual business to the city. 
 
 Hilda was still pale and agitated and evidently in a 
 great fright. It appeared that her husband had found 
 a letter in her possession, of the most compromising 
 nature, and had insisted upon hearing the name of the 
 writer. She refused to give it, and snatching the letter 
 from his hand, had rushed out of the house to seek my 
 protection, thus placing me (as her supposed confidante) 
 on the lowest plane in his opinion. When I remonstrated 
 with her on her behaviour, and threatened to break off 
 our acquaintance altogether, she burst into tears and 
 made me the recipient of a very painful confidence. 
 There was imminent danger of an immediate discovery 
 of the full extent of her misconduct, and she trusted to 
 me to get her out of the scrape. The only condition on 
 which I consented to assist her was, that she should 
 make a full confession to her husband through me. She 
 consented it should be so — ^indeed she had no alterna- 
 tive, except to leave her home altogether — and I took 
 upon myself the unpalatable task of foUovring Mr. Leo- 
 pold to his city office, and there breaking the news to 
 him. That he was somewhat prepared for it by Hilda's 
 previous conduct, did not make the interview a less 
 painful one. Mr. Leopold was a strict Catholic, and 
 would not hear of a divorce, or even a separation ; but 
 when he next met his wife, he was accompanied by 
 Father Nielson, their mutual confessor, and who made 
 Hilda take a solemn vow on the Blessed Sacrament, that 
 she would renounce her lover — once and for ever— and 
 keep faithful to her husband thenceforward. 
 
 Of course I heard all about it. She ran ia the same 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 149 
 
 evening to repeat, with some amount of levity, the de- 
 tails of the proceeding, and to tell me it was all right 
 again between herself and John. 
 
 " Hilda," I said earnestly, as I took her hand at part- 
 ing) " you will keep your promise. You will never see 
 Mr. Wisbeach again." 
 
 " Why, of course," she replied, though I observed that 
 her eyes shifted uneasily. " Haven't I just told you I've 
 sworn to do so ? " 
 
 Yet two weeks afterwards I met her with him, acci- 
 dentally, at Eichmond, where I had taken Mta for a holi- 
 day. I was too much disgusted to notice her, and passed 
 by in silence. 
 
 The next day she was trying to excuse herself and 
 conciliate me, but I told her I was horrified at her per- 
 jury. 
 
 " Why did you ever take that oath ? " I exclaimed. 
 " You have forsworn yourself." 
 
 " I can't help it," she answered carelessly ; " I cannot 
 live without my Jemmy." 
 
 " Then why not leave Mr. Leopold and live with Mr. 
 Wisbeach? A life of honesty (however reprehensible) is 
 preferable to a life of deceit." 
 
 ^^ Leave my husband!" cried Hilda in amazement. 
 " Give up my home and my children ! Oh, I wouldn't do 
 it for the world. Besides, Jemmy is as poor as a church 
 rat. He couldn't keep me. Oh, no ; whatever happens, 
 I shall stick to John." 
 
 " The day wUl come," I answered, " when John will 
 not stick to you. But don't imagine I will countenance 
 your depravity, Hilda. From this day our intimacy must 
 cease." 
 
 She cried at my resolution and said I was unkind, and 
 her husband would guess the truth if all communication 
 was broken off between us, and so she continued to visit 
 occasionally at my house and I at hers. Society has 
 often said that I am hard on my own sex. Yet I do not 
 think it is correct. I have never depicted a thoroughly 
 bad woman in any of my books, for honestly I don't 
 know one. They mostly have some redeeming character- 
 istics. Hilda Leopold came nearest of all to my ideal of 
 feminine vice, and yet she was not aU bad. She was a 
 
150 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 most loving mother, and since lier husband continues to 
 live with her to this day, it is presumable she has domes- 
 tic qualities, -which make up to him for her lawless dis- 
 position. 
 
 And who was I, I used to think to myself, to judge 
 either Hilda or Clarice ? If they had their faults, so had 
 I mine ; not of the same type perhaps, but in the same 
 degree, for I best knew how many sins of wilfulness and 
 temper I had to atone for. 
 
 But I often wondered to see how little every one — both 
 men and women — seemed to think of the actual sin, the 
 contemplation of which had made me feel so guilty in 
 years gone by. 
 
 My love for Gervase Lawson was not dead. Far from 
 it ; but time had softened it down to resignation. 
 
 I often thought of him and dreamed of him, and was 
 eager for news of his welfare. 
 
 His picture always hung in my sight, and sometimes a 
 plaintive air or an emotional scene upon the stage would 
 recall our buried afEection in so painful a degree that I 
 would shed bitter tears to think it was all over. 
 
 Yet I would not have wronged him or his wife for any 
 mortal consideration. 
 
 I wanted to rise in his esteem, not sink beneath its 
 level, and yet these women talk of loving the men whom 
 they have dragged into a course of dishonour. 
 
 My readers may say that such women were exception- 
 ally bad, and that very few are like them. 
 
 On the contrary, I am afraid they are but specimens of 
 a class, and that very many in these days resemble them. 
 
 Whether married or single they love their lovers, not 
 for themselves, but for the food with which they feed 
 their self-esteem. It is flattering to the vanity of a sUly 
 woman to think that the men cannot leave her alone, 
 even though she belongs to another, but will run any 
 risk of social dishonour in order to enjoy the pleasure of 
 her society. It is useless to dispute who is to blame for 
 the degeneration of the female sex — if indeed they have 
 degenerated, or only become more bold in avowing their 
 shame — for each side will take a different view of the 
 matter. 
 
 I, as a woman, believe the chief fault lies with the men 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 151 
 
 — collectively, if not individually — ^who, by flaunttag 
 their immorality in the eyes of the world, and invaria- 
 bly excusing it on the plea that it is not to be helped, 
 have taught their women at last to think little of it, and, 
 as a natural sequence, little of their own. 
 
 The time is approaching, slowly but surely, when the 
 sexes will stand upon a more equal footiag in this re- 
 spect, and when the man will either be required to be 
 as pure as the woman, or compelled to see her follow the 
 example he sets her. It is greatly to be desired that it 
 may be the former. 
 
 Why should not men keep their bodies as chaste as 
 those of the weaker sex? They would if they were 
 brought up, as girls are, to consider impurity as an irre- 
 mediable disgrace. 
 
 I remember once in my "green sallet" days, when 
 William Stopford opened my eyes to what men can be 
 by repeating before me a loose anecdote concerning one 
 of our intimate friends, that I burst into a childish flood 
 of tears from the shock it gave me, and declared I would 
 never shake hands with the man again. 
 
 That feeling naturally passed away. I could not give 
 up shaking hands with everybody; but I often said after- 
 wards, when referring to it, that if I could find a man really 
 pure in heart and mind and deed, I would raise a temple 
 to him. 
 
 The temple has been raised in my soul long ago, but 
 it is stDl vacant. No man has been found as yet to 
 occupy the shrine there as an example to the rest of his 
 sex. 
 
 I often spoke, both to Hilda and Clarice, of Gervase 
 Lawson. I felt no shame in mentioning his name ; 
 rather, I was proud to think I had cherished so strong 
 and enduriug a sentiment for so good a man. For Ger- 
 vase Lawson, notwithstanding his weakness in loving 
 me, was good in the true sense of the word, and I felt 
 sure he has long ago repented of the share he had taken 
 in embittering my life and turning my thoughts from 
 better things. I knew that he would rather die than 
 tempt me agaia, and that his second failure had made 
 him doubly strong. 
 
 He was settled in his ancestral home in Westmoreland, 
 
152 THE NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 doing his best to benefit others in expiation of the wrong 
 he fancied he had done to me. 
 
 He still wrote to me on occasions, and it was appar- 
 ently a bitter grief to bim that I remained careless and 
 indifferent to the things which lay nearest his heart. 
 
 But I was drifting further and further away from the 
 religion that should have consoled me for every loss. 
 My disappointments were hardening instead of softening 
 me, and sometimes, as I realised my position and counted 
 the weeks that yet remained before Mta should attain 
 her seventh birthday, I felt reckless and resentful. 
 
 About this period a curious incident happened to me. 
 I was employed on the staff of various newspapers, and 
 often received commissions to report meetings, enter- 
 tainments, or any sort of novelty. The fashionable 
 craze for occultism had just set in, and I was as ignorant 
 if it were a reality or a delusion as the rest of the world, 
 when I received an order to visit a celebrated American 
 clairvoyant who had arrived in London and wished to be 
 noticed by the press. 
 
 I went incognita, as the representative of the paper only. 
 The man, who was young and good-looking, had cer- 
 tainly marvellous powers, and, without a clue to my 
 identity, described the past, the present, and the future 
 to me accurately. Of course, at the moment I could 
 only judge of his ability by the two first, but as time 
 rolled on the third was but too truly verified. I had smiled 
 to myself as he spoke of my Brazilian home and my 
 absent husband, and thought what a wonderful thing 
 thought-reading was. But when he commenced to aUude 
 to Gervase Lawson and our secret love, I smiled no 
 longer. The clairvoyant spoke so earnestly and truly 
 that the tears rolled down my face. 
 
 " Shall I ever meet him again ? " I faltered, half afraid 
 of the sound of my own voice, though my companion was 
 apparently fast asleep. 
 
 " Yes," he replied, after a pause, " you will certainly 
 meet him again, but you will be married first." 
 
 " Married," I repeated bitterly. « I have had more than 
 enough of marriage already ! I shaU never marry again. 
 But tell me, shall I keep my child ? " 
 
 The medium evaded this question. 
 
THE NOBLES. SEX. 153 
 
 " You will have your child again," he answered, " but 
 first you will marry. I see the man standing before me 
 now." 
 
 He had been so accurate in other things that I could not 
 help feeling curious over this prophecy. My thoughts 
 flew, as usual, to Gervase Lawson. But, no ! that was 
 impossible. 
 
 His wife was well and strong — much stronger than my- 
 self — besides, something was gone out of that youthful 
 love (like sunset faded from the sky) which seemed 
 to say that it could never bloom rosily and ardently 
 again, however faithful it might prove to be. 
 
 So I replied, " I am sure you are mistaken. You have 
 told me what an unhappy life I have led, and nothing 
 would induce me to marry a second time. It has been too 
 terrible. I hate the very thought of it." 
 
 " Nevertheless, you will marry again," repeated the 
 clairvoyant firmly, " and I will describe your second hus- 
 band to you. He is very tall — taller than the ordinary run 
 of men — and broad. Ke has fair hair and a clean shorn 
 face, with a moustache of a golden shade. His eyes are not 
 large, but of a bright blue, like the summer sky, and 
 his features are heavy. His complexion is rather florid, 
 and he has plenty of magnetism. It is his magnetism 
 that will attract you." 
 
 I was not particularly interested in a mythical husband, 
 in whom I did not believe, but the clairvoyant's allusion to 
 him set my mind running on another subject. 
 
 " Tell me," I said quickly, " when and how will my 
 present husband die." 
 
 "What joy (I thought) it would be to find myself free 
 ■ — quite free and at peace once more — ^with my darling 
 child beside me, and no fear of separation in the future. 
 
 The clairvoyant looked puzzled. 
 
 "I cannot tell you," he said. "I do not see his death 
 anywhere." 
 
 " Cannot see his death anywhere ? But how could I 
 be married again, then ? What nonsense you are talking." 
 
 I was ready to leave him then and there, and go home 
 and describe him in print as a trickster and a fraud. 
 
 But he detained me, shaking his head the while. 
 
 " It is rather dark to me," he repeated, " but it will he. 
 
154 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 I see confusion and law papers and scattering and a house 
 upset and a marriage. But I can't see any death. Per- 
 haps it is an oversight, and I may read more clearly 
 another time." 
 
 I thanked the man and laughed at the prophecy, and 
 went home to write my social article on the subject. In 
 it I maintained that clairvoyance was a species of hysteria, 
 which enabled its subjects to make several palpably good 
 guesses, but many more blunders. And with regard to 
 prophecy, I declared that its utterances were no better 
 than those of any old gipsy on a race-course. I had been 
 promised things — I wound up with contemptuously — ^that 
 it was impossible in the first place that I could be offered, 
 or (if offered) that I should ever dream of accepting. 
 
 My article was declared to be a very bright one, and 
 as it coincided with the opinion of the majority, it was 
 pronounced a success. I repeated the substance of my 
 interview to several friends, and we ridiculed the second 
 husband together as a delicious myth — WiUiam Stopford 
 being one of those sort of men who never die. 
 
 And then I forgot the episode — little dreaming how 
 fatally the prediction would be fulfilled. 
 
 My little Mta had been born on the seventh of October, 
 and the anniversary of her birthday was fast approaching. 
 
 Childlike, she was eager to know what treat was m 
 store for her, and petitioned for an evening party for her 
 little friends. I was only too anxious to indulge her 
 fancy, though my heart was sore and sick with apprehen- 
 sion. I purchased the most expensive gifts I could afford 
 to give my little one, and made perparations for the 
 evening on a lavish scale. 
 
 She and her playfellows were at the height of their 
 enjoyment — ^Nita flitting about the room in a gauzy dress 
 of blue and white that made her look like a big butterfly 
 — and even I was drawn for awhile from my own sad 
 thoughts by the contemplation of their happiness — ^when 
 a servant came up to me with a salver, on which lay a 
 long blue envelope, addressed in a formal hand. 
 
THU NOBLER SEX. 155 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 I LOSE MT CHILD. 
 
 I GUESSED what that fatal letter meant but too well, and 
 I crushed the paper together in my hand and thrust it 
 into my pocket, and refused to look at it, until the day's 
 festivities were over. I thought it was so cruel of the 
 solicitors to have sent it on her very birthday. But I 
 would be happy (or at aU events my poor child should be 
 happy) for this last evening, and aprhs pa le deluge. 
 
 I feigned to laugh and dance and romp with Mta and 
 her little friends until they were all tired out, and then 
 I saw them eat their supper, and dispatched them, 
 smiling, to their homes. 
 
 " And now. Miss Mta, darling, it's time for you to go to 
 bed," exclaimed her nurse. 
 
 " Put her in my bed to-night, nurse," I said. 
 
 " In your bed, ma'am ? You had better not have her 
 to-night. She'll be so restless after all this excitement, 
 that you won't get a wink of sleep." 
 
 " Never mind ! I wish her to sleep with me," I an- 
 swered in a faltering voice. The servant looked in my 
 face and read something there (I suppose) of what was 
 passing in my mind, for she carried her little charge oflf, 
 without another word. 
 
 Yes ! I would hold her in my arms for this night ! 
 Who knew how soon my darling would lie upon my 
 heart again. As soon as her bright eyes had closed in 
 sleep I drew out the letter in the long blue envelope 
 and opened it. It was (as I had anticipated) from my 
 husband's solicitors, Messrs. Venn and Hoadley, of Broad 
 Street, reminding me that the date on which the Court 
 of Chancery had decreed that the child Anita Mary Stop- 
 ford should be given over to the guardianship of her 
 father had arrived, and that they would be prepared to 
 receive her at their office in Broad Street, or to send a re- 
 
156 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 sponsible person to fetch her from my house, on any day 
 within the forthcoming week which I might name as 
 most convenient to myself. 
 
 I sat at my toilet table, gaziag through my tears upon 
 the paper. 
 
 It was nothing new. I had anticipated and dreaded it 
 ior months past, and yet now it had come it seemed like 
 an unexpected shock. I had prayed so often and so 
 earnestly that this cup might pass from me — ^that sorrier 
 thing might intervene to prevent this last blow — that I 
 had almost grown to believe that God had pitied me and 
 my petition would be granted. But the flat had gone 
 forth and no providential interposition had occurred. 
 Nita and I were to part. The child that was part of my- 
 self was to be torn from my arms, and as I sat at the 
 toilet table through that long night, Grod was nowhere 
 for me. 
 
 But as I perused the solicitor's letter for perhaps the 
 twentieth time, a sudden resolution took hold of me. 
 
 I would not give her up, on so slight an evidence, nor 
 without more detailed information. Where was she 
 to go to ? Who was to receive her and look after her 
 tenderly as such a little creature needed? She could 
 neither wash nor dress herself, and had been attended to 
 like an infant all her life. Who was to take the place of 
 the nurse who (I presumed) was to be left behind ? As 
 these questions poured through my mind, I rose from my 
 chair and paced my room restlessly. I must be satisfied 
 on all these points before the child left me. I sat down 
 at a little writiag-table ia my bedchamber, and poured 
 out my soul upon the paper. I did not take any heed 
 that I was writing to a man of business. I said just what 
 was uppermost in my mind and implored him to in- 
 tercede with his client, Mr. Stopford, to let me keep the 
 child, who still needed a mother's care, a little longer by 
 my side. Surely (I added), since her father was at 
 Fingas di Rey, she would be safer and happier with me 
 tlian with a stranger. 
 
 I addressed this letter to Mr. Venn, with whom I had 
 had some correspondence on the same subject at the time 
 of my becoming a Catholic. His answer was kind, but 
 firm. He much regretted the step Mr. Stopford had 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 157 
 
 determined to adopt, but he had no option in the matter 
 but to carry out his orders. He had even pleaded with 
 him (he averred) to let me keep the little girl, for whom I 
 had paid every expense for so many years past, altogether, 
 and particularly as he could not look after her himself, 
 but he was obdurate. I need not, however (he added), have 
 any fears regarding her welfare, as Mr. Stopford's orders 
 were that she was to be transferred to the charge of his 
 brother, the Eeverend Charles Stopford, whose wife 
 would look after her as if she were her own, and who 
 would be waiting at his oflEice to receive the little girl, 
 whenever I saw fit to bring her to Broad Street. 
 
 I cast down the letter in despair. My last hope was 
 over. There was nothing more to be done. It was to 
 be. 
 
 The idea that Mta was to live with my brother-in-law 
 did not tend to relieve my pain. Indeed I think I should 
 have been happier if she had gone to perfect strangers. 
 
 I had never liked Charles Stopford. He was a prag- 
 matical prig, who was intensely proper — not because it 
 was his duty to be so — ^but because it accorded with his 
 profession. Lately, he had allied himself with another 
 prig — a woman ten years older than himself who had been 
 a parochial visitor and Sunday-school teacher, but had 
 a few hundreds a year of her own, which had weighed 
 heavily in her favour in the eyes of her saintly wooer. I 
 had never seen this woman, but I knew she was antago- 
 nistic to me. Ifelt she spoke of me as a lost sheep, and my 
 position in living separate from my husband as some- 
 thing verging closely on the improper. And how then 
 would she regard my little Mta ? What penance — ^what 
 purging as by fire — might she not consider necessary for 
 the offspring of so objectionable a person as myself? 
 
 I could not bear to think of it ! I ought to have been 
 thankful, perhaps, that my child was going to her rela- 
 tions, but I was not. Some relations are more bitter than 
 open enemies. But there was no alternative. Mr. Venn's 
 letter was final and the sooner the paiu was over the 
 better. In a couple of days, therefore, having written to 
 announce my advent, I took my little girl myself to 
 Broad Street, to deliver her over to her father's solicitors. 
 It was a cold day for the time of year, and she looked 
 
158 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 prettier and fairer to me than she had ever done, dressed 
 in a white serge costume trimmed with fur, and a broad 
 hat and feathers shading her blue eyes and golden 
 hair. 
 
 I had told her she was going on a visit to her uncle and 
 aunt in the country, where she would see all sorts of 
 beautiful things that she had never seen before, but as 
 we alighted and stood in the dingy office in Broad Street, 
 she kept a firm grip of my hand with her chubby little 
 fingers. 
 
 " It's only a visit, mother," she kept on repeating, as 
 though she had an inkling of the bitter truth, " only a 
 very little visit! I shall come back soon to mother, 
 shan'tl?" 
 
 "Very soon, my darling," I replied, "very, very soon," 
 but the words nearly choked me. 
 
 As soon as I had announced my name and mission, a 
 clerk sprung forward and ushered me into a private 
 office, where Mr. Venn awaited me. 
 
 He was an elderly, grey-haired man, with a stoop in 
 his shoulders and defective sight, but as he advanced 
 and took my hand in his I felt that he was kind and 
 sympathetic. 
 
 " How are you, my dear young lady ? " he began. " Let 
 me introduce you to your sister-in-law, Mrs. Charles 
 Stopford." 
 
 A dowdy-looking woman, with plain features and a 
 mottled complexion, who had been sitting in a corner of 
 the room, now came forward, and with a salutation in 
 my direction that was barely civil, tried to jerk my child's 
 hand out of mine. 
 
 « WeU, my dear," she said in a snappish voice which 
 was stUl intended to be agreeable. " And are you a very 
 good little girl? I hope so, for you are to be my little 
 daughter now." 
 
 But Mta turned from her and clung tightly to the 
 folds of my dress. 
 
 " Excuse me, madam," I replied coldly, « but I cannot 
 agree to that. Mta my be your ward for awhile, but 
 she shall never call any woman ' Mother' but myself." 
 
 " It strikes me," she said tartly, " that you have for- 
 feited your claim to the title." 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 159 
 
 "In what way ?" I cried. « What have I done that 
 you should insult me thus ? " 
 
 " Oh, come ! come ladies," exclaimed Mr. Venn. " I 
 must stop this httle passage of arms. I must, indeed. 
 Mrs. William Stopford is, I am sure, quite sensible of 
 the kindness of Mrs. Charles in accepting the temporary 
 charge of this little one, and Mrs. Charles must feel that 
 it is a compliment her home should have been selected 
 for it." 
 
 " I am sensible of nothing," I returned bitterly, " but 
 the cruelty and injustice of the world." 
 
 " Get it over, my dear lady," he whispered in my ear. 
 "Don't prolong this painful interview. Mrs. Charles 
 Stopford's cab is at the door. Let the little girl go with 
 her at once." 
 
 " I am quite ready," said my sister-in-law, who had 
 overheard part of the conversation. 
 
 I drew Mta into my arms and strained her fondly to 
 my breast. I did not weep. I could not let the stiff, 
 old-maidish looking woman opposite to me triumph over 
 my weakness. 
 
 But I suffered — God! how I suifered, and yet I had 
 brought it on myself, and had no right to moan over her. 
 
 Mta burst into a long wail as she was hurried away, 
 with her birthday doll clasped in her arms. But I — I 
 could not cry, as I sat at the table where she had left me 
 — childless and alone. 
 
 The first thing that roused me from my stupor was 
 the fact of Mr. Venn holding a glass of wine to my lips. 
 I pushed it from me impatiently, and rising, pulled my 
 veil down over my face and prepared to walk away. 
 But Mr. Venn detained me by force. 
 
 " You must not go until you have drunk this," he said. 
 " You are not fit to go home in your present condition." 
 
 " Shall I ever see her again ? " I murmured. 
 
 "AS'ee her again ! Why, of course you will ! Whenever 
 you choose. Have you forgotten the order of the Court, 
 that you are to have access to your child once a week ? 
 What is to-day, Wednesday ? Well, next Wednesday 
 you can go down to Newton Piercy from sunrise to sun- 
 down if you choose. No one can take that privilege 
 from you." 
 
160 THE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 The thought comforted me. After all, it was not worse 
 than if Nita had been sent to school and came home to see 
 me once a week. The days would soon fly past in my con- 
 stant occupation. I rose from my seat, thanked Mr. 
 Venn with trembling Ups, and returned to my empty 
 home. 
 
 But oh, how I missed her there ! 
 
 God gives the children to their mothers, after months 
 of suffering and days of pain, but the law of England 
 decrees that if the woman's religious opinions differ from 
 those of her husband she has no claim on her own flesh 
 and blood. 
 
 The lawgivers prate of morality and the prevention of 
 crime. Their eyes would considerably open if they 
 could collect the statistics of how many women have 
 been driven into sin by the cruelty of the unrighteous 
 and unjust law which takes their children from them 
 when they have committed no moral wrong. I soon 
 found that, though no one could set aside the order of 
 Court, that I should visit Nita once a week, the carrying 
 out of that order could be made so tiresome and so of- 
 fensive to me that it was next to useless. 
 
 My child might not be taken more than two hundred 
 miles away from me, and I might see her at any reason- 
 able time, or place, in the presence of a witness. 
 
 Although, during the years she had been with me I had 
 never attempted to bias her mind respecting the Catholic 
 religion, and had sent her regularly to a Protestant 
 church, as soon as she was old enough to attend it, my 
 brother-in-law and his wife chose to believe that frequent 
 interviews with me would be most prejudicial to the 
 child's soul, and that it was their bounden duty to prevent 
 our meeting oftener than possible. 
 
 William ^who had placed the Uttle girl unreservedly in 
 their guardianship) was only too pleased to carry out his 
 own revenge on me, by playing into their hands in every 
 possible manner. I soon found, therefore, that my fond 
 dream of seeing Nita every week was dispelled, for the 
 Charles Stopfords had a dozen devices ready to frustrate 
 my intentions. 
 
 It was arranged that I should visit Newton Piercy 
 eTery Saturday from two o'clock till six, and I looked 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 161 
 
 forward to the time as a ctiild does to its holiday. But I 
 was too often disappointed. 
 
 One day, Mta was said to have caught a violent cold, 
 and to be so feverish that the doctor had left especial 
 orders she was not to be disturbed. On another, Mrs. 
 Charles Stopford had been suddenly called away to' attend 
 the sick bed of one of her relations, and had taken the 
 child with her. 
 
 " But what necessity was there for her to do that ? 
 What are her relations to Mta ? " I asked of my brother- 
 in-law, angrily. " Your wife knew it was my day for 
 visiting Newton Piercy. She should have left the child 
 here to receive me. " 
 
 " I hardly think my brother William would wish that," 
 he replied, with an unpleasant smile. " My wife has a 
 duty to perform towards Anita, and as long, as she is 
 under her charge, she will do it. " 
 
 " The duty of separating her as much as possible from 
 her mother," I said sarcastically. 
 
 " The duty of religiously guarding a soul that is in 
 peril of being perverted to an heretical and damnatory 
 faith," he replied. 
 
 " Better my faith," I cried impetuously, " than that of 
 cold-heartedness and want of sympathy." 
 
 But these wordy wars did no good to my cause, and 
 when I was admitted to see my child, Mrs. Stopford 
 never left us one moment by ourselves. I would kiss and 
 hug my " mitherless bairn," and ask after her amusements 
 and her lessons, but our confidences were necessarily 
 limited ; for my sister-in-law sat in the room with her 
 work all the time, watching us with her lynx-like eyes. 
 I saw a change in Mta very soon. She grew more prim 
 and formal, and talked less. She was evidently afraid to 
 speak before her aunt. The sweet, fearless familiarity 
 between mother and chUd was gone. And if I questioned 
 her as to the diflference, and asked if she felt quite well, 
 and was as glad to see me as ever, I would watch her eyes 
 turn to Mrs. Stopford as though for instruction, upon 
 which that lady would answer for her. 
 
 "Anita is perfectly well, thank you, Mrs. Stopford, 
 and she is pleased to meet you I am sure — ^but I am 
 glad to say she is growing more sensible and ladylike. 
 
162 THU NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 I do not approve of the exhibition of violent emotions, 
 and in her case I consider they should be most carefully 
 repressed. Life is not a stage for theatrical display." 
 
 " You can hardly call the love between a mother and 
 her child, theatrical display, Mrs. Stopford," I answered 
 warmly, " and I will not have Nita's affection for me 
 repressed. That is not, at all events, one of the decrees 
 of Chancery." 
 
 She looked at me with cool impertinence. " I do not 
 think we will discuss the point," she said. " Not, at all 
 events, before my little charge. You must remember 
 that I am responsible for my method of training her to 
 my brother-in-law only, and he has been pleased to place 
 the matter entirely in my hands." 
 
 My readers may imagine how galling was such a po- 
 sition to a woman of my nature. I might look at my 
 child as through a glass-case, but I might neither handle 
 nor fondle her. She was no longer part of myself. She 
 belonged to Mrs. Charles Stopford, who was modelling 
 her into a little prig after her own fashion, and teaching 
 her (may be) to despise and look down upon her mother. 
 My pride was cruelly wounded, and my feelings were 
 more so. Sometimes I vowed I would never go near 
 Newton Piercy again to be tortured and affronted. But 
 the thought of my child's love, and the fear of losing it, 
 always drew me there at the appointed time, only to be 
 hurt afresh. Mta was not looking well either. She was 
 thinner and paler than when we parted, and she was not 
 nearly so merry. I worried myself with the idea that 
 she was ill-treated, and wrote a letter to that effect to 
 Mr. Venn, asking him if there was no remedy for the 
 girl. He wrote me very gravely to the effect that he 
 feared there was none. That he believed the Charles 
 Stopfords were conscientiously anxious to do their duty 
 by the child, and so long as that was the case, no objection 
 could be taken to the fact, that their ideas on the subject 
 of education differed from my own. 
 
 His letter was calm and practical, but it did not satisfy 
 me. He looked at the matter from a business point of 
 view, and I from that of a mother's love. Feeling that 
 my chUd was to be utterly lost to me, 1 fancied that I 
 did not care for anything that might happen to me more. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 163 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 I MAKE A NEW FEEBND. 
 
 About this time I began to make full use of the talents I 
 possessed, and had great cause for gratitude, that they 
 had not been permitted to run to waste. I was miserable 
 and lonely without my child, and I felt that if I was to 
 keep my senses I must have distraction from my seden- 
 tary life. Some time previously, a professional friend of 
 mine had discovered I had oratorical powers, and when I 
 mentioned my desire for public work, another friend ad- 
 vised me to try lecturing, to which he thought my name 
 in the literary world would add additional interest. 
 
 I took his advice, and was most successful. I wrote 
 lectures upon a variety of subjects, and delivered them 
 in the various large towns of England. At first, at long 
 intervals and with small profits, but when my name com- 
 menced to be known ia this particular line, my engage- 
 ments poured ia from all parts of the TJnited Kingdom, 
 and they were almost as remunerative to me as literature. 
 
 Wherever I appeared, I found that my name as an 
 author had prepared my welcome, and if I were not hos- 
 pitably entertained by some of the magnates of the place 
 I visited, I was always bound to receive them at the hotel 
 I patronized. 
 
 What I particularly disliked, however, were the re- 
 quests for interviews, which I continually received from 
 utter strangers, who had nothing to do with me, or my 
 business, but only wished to see me from motives of 
 curiosity, or because they had read my works. 
 
 One evening I was dressing to go to the public hall of 
 a fashionable wateriug-place in the south of England, 
 when the chambermaid of the hotel brought a gentleman's 
 card, to my bedroom door. On it was engraved : — 
 
 "LOKD ANNESLET, 
 
 " Corinthian Club, 
 "Pall Mall, S.W." 
 
164 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 To the best of my knowledge I had never heard the 
 name before, and I had no desire to see its owner. I told 
 the servant so. I can see myself now, half in, and half 
 out of a black velvet dress, as I delivered the message. 
 
 " Give the gentleman my compUments, and say I am 
 sorry I cannot see him, as I am dressing to go to the hall." 
 
 The chambermaid disappeared with my message, and 
 I thought no more of the matter. I concluded his lord- 
 ship would guess he was not wanted, and take his depart- 
 ure. But on descending to the sitting-room, to await 
 the arrival of my conveyance, I encountered, to my 
 astonishment, a tall, fine-lookiag man, who was leaning 
 carelessly against the mantelpiece. At first sight, his 
 appearance was decidedly pleasant. He had a ruddy, 
 healthy complexion, mirthful blue eyes (with a volup- 
 tuous look in them), and a full, fair moustache that hid 
 his mouth, but not a set of wholesome white teeth, which 
 he displayed liberally when he smiled. As soon as he 
 caught sight of me, he came forward with an outstretched 
 hand, as cordially as to an old acquaintance. 
 
 " I think we have met before. Miss Malmaison," he said, 
 calling me by my professional name. " Although perhaps 
 you do not remember me. I am David Annesley — ^the 
 Woodrow Annesleys, you know — and I knew your mother 
 and sisters in Essborough, when I believe you were at 
 school, or in the nursery." 
 
 " David Annesley^'' I repeated. " Are you one of the 
 family that used to live at Stoughton Manor about the 
 year 1856 ? Oh, yes ! I do remember your name, though 
 I have never had the pleasure of meeting you before. 
 But my sisters Letitia and Elinor used to mention you in 
 their letters to me." 
 
 " Oh, I remember Letty well. She and I used to have 
 great fun together," said Lord Annesley laughiag. " But 
 where were you the while ? " 
 
 " I was married, and out in the Brazils," I answered. 
 
 " Married ! Is it possible ? " he exclaimed. 
 
 "Indeed I was, although I am the youngest of the 
 family. But I can recall their mentioning your name 
 amongst others, though I had no recollection of it when 
 I received your card. You were not in Essborough I 
 think, when I returned to it four years afterwards." 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 165 
 
 " No, I had gone out into the world by that time. I 
 was always fond of travelling, and have been a wanderer 
 since my youth." 
 
 " What a lot you must have seen and heard. I hope it 
 has made you very wise," I said laughing. 
 
 " I am sure it has made me very wide-awake," he an- 
 swered in the same strain. " And so my old friend Nelly 
 is married. How foolish people are. Why can't they let 
 well alone?" 
 
 " That's what i"told her. Lord Annesley, but I really 
 think her marriage will turn out one of the lucky ones. 
 They seem so happy together." 
 
 " And — ^you will pardon the boldness that makes me 
 take an interest in the daughter of an old friend— is your 
 husband here to-night ? " 
 
 " Oh ! dear no ! " I replied. " Mr. Stopford and I have 
 agreed to differ. He lives in Fingas di Rey in the Bra- 
 zils, and I earn my own living in England." 
 
 "Whatever else Mr. Stopford is, he must be a fool," 
 replied his lordship sententiously. 
 
 I looked more particularly at him. He certainly was 
 a very handsome man. His age (as I afterwards learnt) 
 was five and thirty, but he looked much younger. Most 
 people would have set him down as seven or eight and 
 twenty. On the strength of his former intimacy with my 
 family, we were not long in making friends. He spoke 
 of my poor mother's death, and had a dozen questions to 
 put concerning my sisters, and told me that his father, 
 the Earl of Woodrow, still lived at Stoughton Manor. 
 But on thinking over our interview afterwards, I remarked 
 that he had been very reticent with regard to his own 
 affairs. That, however, may have been due to a modesty, 
 which could not believe they held any interest for me. 
 Lord Annesley had a very fascinating way with women. 
 I saw that at a glance. It seemed as if he could not take 
 too much trouble on my account. He conducted me per- 
 sonally to the hall, and remained throughout the lecture, 
 and I do not think I ever spoke more brilliantly, or more 
 to the purpose than I did that night. My subject was 
 " The Wrongs of Ireland," with which I had ever had the 
 deepest sympathy, and the building rang with the plau- 
 dits of the people. I became excited with my success, 
 
166 THE NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 and waxed more eloquent under it, and felt that I had 
 excelled myself. Throughout the evening I could discern 
 the figure of Lord Annesley seated in the front row of 
 stalls, with his eyes fixed upon me, and the sight impelled 
 me to fresh efforts. For there had been a tone of pity, 
 mixed with the surprise, to which he gave vent on hearing 
 that I maintained myself, and I wanted to show him I 
 had no need of such compassion from him or any man. 
 When the lecture was concluded, I found him waiting to 
 put me into my carriage, and to accompany me back to 
 the hotel. 
 
 " Brava ! " he exclaimed, as soon as we were alone. 
 " Let me congratulate you. I never heard such brilliant 
 eloquence from the lips of a woman before. You are 
 enough to turn the whole country into Liberals, Miss 
 Malmaison. How glad I am to have had the privilege of 
 hearing you." 
 
 I asked him how he had found me out. 
 
 " Why, I am down here for a few days with a friend, 
 and I could not help seeing the posters. But I have 
 always been strangely attracted by your name. Miss 
 Malmaison, and have always longed to meet you. I have 
 read everything you have written, and have followed 
 your career with the greatest interest. I was very nearly 
 writing to you through your publishers, when your poor 
 mother died, but I did not like to do so." 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " I thought you must be so surrounded by friends that 
 my letter would only be an intrusion." 
 
 "Indeed, you are mistaken. Lord Annesley. I have 
 many acquaintances but few friends," I answered, 
 bitterly. 
 
 " If I should ever find myself in town then — (I do not 
 go there often) — may I do myself the honour to call 
 upon you ? " 
 
 " I shall be delighted to see you," I answered, as I gave 
 him my card and address. 
 
 He accompanied me to the railway station the follow- 
 ing morning, and as we said good-bye, I felt quite sorry 
 to part with him, he seemed so friendly and so interested 
 in me. But as the train steamed out of the station, I 
 thought it probable we might never meet again, so 
 
THE NOBLES, SEX. 167 
 
 widely different and so far apart, seemed our two paths 
 in life. 
 
 On the following Sunday evening, however, as I was 
 sitting chatting to some friends, to my utter amazement 
 Lord Annesley was announced. He had told me that he 
 visited London so rarely, that I had hardly expected to 
 see him, notwithstanding his request to be allowed to 
 visit me. Yet there he was bowing and smiling, and ex- 
 pressing his pleasure at our reunion, and he sat down 
 amongst us and made himself so agreeable, that all my 
 female friends lost their hearts to him. From that mo- 
 ment he became a constant visitor at my house. Every- 
 thing I did he seemed to admire. "When I sang he hung 
 enraptured over the piano — if I scribbled a caricature, 
 it was the cleverest thing he had ever seen, and he carried 
 it off as a memento of the evening. Of my books and my 
 elocution and my acting he could not say enough. Of 
 course he could not say enough either in disapprobation 
 of my husband's treatment of me, nor the inhuman 
 cruelty that had separated me from my child. And, 
 added to his evident interest in me and my affairs, he ap- 
 peared to be so much a gentleman (in mind and spirit, I 
 mean, for of course he was so by birth) — with such easy 
 and courteous manners, and such a boyish, careless air 
 withal, that I confess I was quite fascinated with him. 
 But I did not understand what motive made him so ex- 
 tremely reticent concerning his own affairs. One even- 
 ing, however (perhaps six weeks after our first meeting), 
 he was visiting at my house, with half-a-score of other 
 friends. The subject of crystals was introduced, and I 
 overheard Lord Annesley tell another man that he had 
 brought his wife a necklace of crystals from Japan, so 
 clear and beautiful that they resembled living water, and 
 he had never seen any ornaments to equal them. I could 
 not believe my ears. 
 
 " Lord Annesley," I exclaimed on the spur of the mo- 
 ment, as I left my seat and walked up to his side, " did I 
 hear you tell Major Dowdswell that you are a married 
 man?" 
 
 "I am," he answered, smiling. "Is there anything ex- 
 traordinary in it ? " 
 
 "Certainly not," I said, feeling a little awkward. 
 "But you have never once mentioned it to me." 
 
168 THE NOBLEU SEX. 
 
 He shrugged his big shoulders deprecatingly. 
 
 " My dear Mrs. Stopford, I did not flatter myself that 
 the subject held any interest for you, and I am not in 
 the habit of boring my friends with my domestic 
 affairs." 
 
 " Perhaps not. But it seems so strange that I should 
 not know Lady Annesley." 
 
 " Do you think so? But we live in Teddington, and it 
 is such a way off that she seldom comes up to town." 
 
 " And have you any children ? " 
 
 At this question, he looked positively disgusted. 
 
 " Yes ! " he answered shortly. 
 
 " How many ? " 
 
 " Two. How inquisitive you are ! " 
 
 "Boys or girls?" 
 
 " Boys ! Two great louts of ten and twelve. And now 
 that you know the fact, Mrs. Stopford, I hope you will 
 oblige me by not alluding to it again. It is not a pleasant 
 subject to me." ' 
 
 "Don't you love them ?" I exclaimed earnestly. "Oh, 
 I love my child above every other earthly thing." 
 
 "Perhaps so," replied Lord Annesley. " Perhaps your 
 child is loveable, or has been taught to love you. Mine 
 have not ! " 
 
 And with that, he turned his attention to some one 
 else. 
 
 He had a little shocked me, but stUl I felt sorry for 
 him. I also felt a little disenchanted. For he had made 
 himself so very attentive and agreeable that I had begun 
 to think that I had gained a friend, all to myself — some 
 one who would accompany me to theatres, and walk 
 with me in the Park, and render himself generally use- 
 ful. But a bachelor with all his time at his disposal, and 
 no one to account to for his actions, and a married man 
 with a wife and family, were two very different things* 
 I was more surprised, however, than disappointed. I 
 did not regard Lord Annesley sufficiently to feel that he 
 had in any way wronged me by his unaccountable reti- 
 cence, but it repulsed my budding esteem for him, and I 
 could not look upon him in the same light as before. 
 
 After a little while he perceived the difference in my 
 manner, and asked the reason of it. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 169 
 
 I had given him the entree to my box at several 
 theatres by that time, and introduced him at the houses 
 of some of my friends, and he wished to know why I had 
 discontinued such kindnesses. 
 
 I told him frankly. Had he been a free man we could 
 have acted in such particulars as we chose, but it was 
 impossible for me — a young woman living separate from 
 her husband — to accept the escort of, or even to receive 
 at my house, a gentleman, with whose wife I was not 
 acquainted. I had no wish to thrust myself upon Lady 
 Annesley, I told him proudly, for I cared very little, as a 
 rule, for the members of my own sex, but unless I knew 
 her, I could not continue to know him. 
 
 Lord Annesley appeared annoyed, but the result of my 
 decision was that the following week I received a note 
 from his wife, begging me, on the score of her being an 
 invalid, to excuse her coming up to London to call on me, 
 but asking me instead to go down to Teddington and 
 spend an afternoon at their house. The letter was very 
 coldly worded, and I felt the writer was unsympathetic 
 with me. But I accepted the invitation, for I wanted to 
 judge for myself what manner of woman she was, as well 
 as to see Lord Annesley's home and children. The first 
 sight of it aU was most repugnant to me. It was truly 
 unpleasant, as it well could be. They were evidently 
 very poor for their station in life, but that was nothing, 
 compared to the discord and dissension that reigned 
 paramount over the establishment. Lord Annesley met 
 me at the station and walked with me to the house, a 
 damp little cottage by the side of the river, meagrely 
 furnished and badly kept. In the drawing-room (where 
 I waited for a long time without a fire on a cold April 
 afternoon, for the mistress of the house to make her ap- 
 pearance) the dust lay thick upon the books and orna- 
 ments, and everything was untidy and uncomfortable. 
 Lord Annesley fidgeted about the room and swore in an 
 undertone at his wife's incivility, and when at last she 
 came, I did not wonder at his want of love for home. 
 Lady Annesley was a handsome woman of about his own 
 age, but limp and untidy to a degree, with her hair hang- 
 ing half-way down her back, and a soiled and dowdy 
 dress. Her manners, too, were eminently offensive. She 
 
170 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 opened her eyes on seeing me, as if I had been some 
 wild animal, and scarcely touched my hand or spoke a 
 single word of welcome. I had not been five minutes in 
 her ladyship's presence, before I ardently wished I had 
 never asked for her acquaintance. 
 
 She spoke to her husband as if she hated him. I 
 looked from the handsome, fashionably-attired man to 
 his slovenly, discourteous wife in astonishment. "What 
 had he ever seen in her, that he should have married 
 her? Se, who surely, from his position and appear- 
 ance, might have mated with the noblest in the land. 
 
 After a while, I ventured to enter into conversation 
 with Lady Annesley, to ask after her children, her 
 amusements, her pursuits. But she soon cut me short 
 with the sarcastic remark : " Oh ! you must apply to Lord 
 Annesley if you wish to hear anything about amuse- 
 ments. He monopolizes them all. I have none." 
 
 "You never will go anywhere. It's no use asking 
 you," muttered his lordship. 
 
 " Certainly not, unless I could have a gentleman for 
 my companion," was the rejoinder. 
 
 " Oh ! come along to dinner, Mrs. Stopford," exclaimed 
 Lord Annesley, impatiently. "Let us try and find a 
 little comfort in the pleasures of the table." 
 
 And he offered his arm to escort me to the dining- 
 room, as he spoke. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 171 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 I RECEIVE A -WAENrNG. 
 
 If the dinner was to provide all our comfort, we were 
 badly off. It was simply uneatable. A slatternly maid- 
 servant waited at table and handed round the unpalat- 
 able viands. I watched Lord Annesley serving us to 
 greasy, watery soup, a chicken boiled to shreds, a tart 
 crust as hard as a rock, with a disgust on his face which 
 would be difl&cult to describe. His wife seemed to take 
 a savage delight in his disappointment. She took no 
 part in presiding at the table, but sat at the side with 
 folded hands, as if she were a guest, smiling compla- 
 cently, and yet maliciously, at each smothered maledic- 
 tion that played about her husband's lips, and made his 
 blue eyes dark with anger. I felt myself to be so unweL 
 come and so much in the way, that I was thankful when 
 the meal was over and I could plead the uncertain 
 weather, as an excuse for beating an early retreat. 
 There was only one distraction to the intense feeling of 
 depression induced by this unhappy visit. Lord Annes- 
 ley had been a great traveller, and had collected many 
 curiosities and ohjets d''art in the shape of china, bronze, 
 sandal- wood, ivory and lacquer. These were tastefully 
 arranged on shelves and he took considerable pride in 
 showing them to me, and explaining where they came 
 from. I, not knowing that the man was an inveterate 
 chatterer, who loved nothing so well as the sound of his 
 own voice, and had repeated the same things to dozens 
 of women before — thought he was very eloquent and 
 well-informed, and made a good listener to the intermi- 
 nable history of his wanderings and his bargains. Lady 
 Annesley (who had left the room for a few minutes) 
 returned as we were thus engaged. I thought the look 
 of dislike with which she regarded her husband and his 
 playthings, most cruel at the moment — afterwards, I 
 could read the interpretation of it. 
 
172 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 « You're looking at that rubbish," she said with a sneer. 
 " I only wish it was all out of the house or had never 
 come into it. If ever I dream of a home, it is in some 
 place without a curiosity in it " 
 
 " Or a husband," remarked Lord Annesley. 
 
 " Or a husband," she repeated after him. 
 
 I thought her words unnecessarily rude and unkind, 
 and tried to laugh them off by saying, " Well, Lord An- 
 nesley, I love pretty things, so if ever you want a home 
 for your curiosities bring them all to me." 
 
 My God ! how often I have thought of it since. 
 
 When the cab came roimd to drive me to the station 
 Lord Annesley announced his intention of accompanying 
 me there, 
 
 "You had much better not," his wife called out rudely. 
 " You have to attend Dr. Crofton's whist party to-night, 
 and you'll take an hour dressing yourself " 
 
 "2)ow'< come," I said earnestly, with my foot on the 
 step. " Indeed it will be better not." 
 
 But he insisted upon following me, and Lady Aimesley 
 slammed the cottage door as he jumped into the carriage. 
 How I pitied him for being tied to such a woman. How 
 I pitied myself for having wasted a day in her presence ! 
 
 "Well," said my companion after a short silence, " you 
 wanted to know her and now you do know her. What 
 do you think of her ? " 
 
 I really could not answer him. 
 
 "Don't ask me," I replied, "let us try and forget it. 
 She was very rude to me of course. I could not help 
 seeing that. But I suppose she does not like the look of 
 me." 
 
 " It is not that," said Lord Annesley. " She treats every 
 one the same. She is the most discourteous woman I 
 ever came across. Do you wonder now, that I don't care 
 to take her about with me, or even to remember that 
 she exists?" 
 
 " She must be a great trial to you," I sighed. 
 
 " A trial ! She is a curse. Did you ever see anything 
 like the house ? It is a perfect pigsty. It's not fit to ask 
 any lady into. But she will look after nothing — the 
 servants, the children, or herself. Can you guess the 
 reason?" 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 173 
 
 « Indeed I cannot." 
 
 " She is unfortunately addicted to stimulants." 
 
 " Oh, Lord Annesley ! you shock me." 
 
 "Nevertheless, Mrs. Stopford, it is true. She has 
 spoiled my life for me, and yet I cannot get rid of her. 
 What a miserable fraud the law is that binds a man to a 
 woman who makes this earth a hell to him." 
 
 I could say nothing to comfort him, and so I held my 
 tongue. When we reached the station we found I had 
 missed the train I intended to go by, and must wait for 
 another, so I sat for some time before the waiting-room 
 fire, while Lord Annesley leaned on the back of my 
 chair and talked to me in a low voice of his domestic 
 miseries. 
 
 There was a door, which connected the waiting with 
 the refreshment room, and several times during our con- 
 versation I saw this door slightly open and the angry, 
 flushed face of a young woman with a head of tow- 
 coloured hair (one of the barmaids) thrust into the aper- 
 ture. Then the door would close again with a loud bang. 
 After this had occurred two or three times I noticed the 
 occurrence to Lord Annesley, who smiled in a self-satis- 
 fled manner and said he supposed the young lady was 
 curious to find out who I was. 
 
 As he held my hand at parting he said : 
 
 " Am I still to be banished from your home — still de- 
 barred from accompanying you anywhere? You have 
 seen for yourself what Lady Annesley is. She wouldn't 
 visit you if you were to ask her, for she refuses to go into 
 any society. And she would only disgrace herself and 
 me before your friends, if she did so." 
 
 " If she won't come it will be her own fault," I an- 
 swered, " but I must ask her all the same, and then I shall, 
 at least, have done my duty." 
 
 Accordingly, in about a fortnight I sent the husband 
 and wife an invitation to dinner, which was curtly re- 
 fused without giving any excuse, and, honestly, I was 
 very glad not to see the lady again. 
 
 Meanwhile Lord Annesley continued his visits, and, 
 little by little, I heard every detail of his married life. 
 According to his own account he was a very ill-used and 
 unhappy man, and I was quite ready to believe him. 
 
174 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 He declared that, at the time of their marriage, Lady 
 Armesley (who was the daughter of a clergyman) had 
 been one of the loveliest women in England and he had 
 loTcd her passionately, and tried all in his power to make 
 her love him in return, but she was cold, forbidding, and 
 heartless. 
 
 He hinted at much worse than this. He believed her 
 to be unfaithful to him, and her propensity for drinkiag 
 was quite incurable. She was very seldom sober after 
 twelve o'clock in the day, and the terrible scenes that 
 had happened in consequence were a scandal in the neigh- 
 bourhood. 
 
 His children, too, were a bitter disappointment to him. 
 They took after the mother — were unaflectionate, deceit- 
 ful, and rebellious — in fact everybody connected with him 
 was bad or a fool — except himself. 
 
 I believed it all and I pitied him from the very bottom 
 of my heart. 
 
 I had seen with my own eyes what his wife and his 
 >ome were like, and I took all the rest on credit. 
 
 And Lord Annesley was very frank and open, and 
 youthful in his spontaneity — very like myself I used to 
 think in those days — and it seemed a shame that so warm- 
 hearted and affectionate a creature should not have his 
 love returned in equal measure. 
 
 I reposed a kindred confidence in him. I told him of 
 the struggles and disappointments which I had en- 
 countered in my married life, and we discovered that the 
 stories of our hearts (if written down) would be very 
 similar. One summer's afternoon as we sat together in 
 my drawing-room Lord Annesley unburdened himself. 
 
 " Both our lives have been wrecked," he said, " by want 
 of sympathy. We have never found our true mates. 
 Why should we not try to console each other ? Let me 
 call you 'MoUie.' Let us be friends. It cannot cure, 
 but it may alleviate our trouble. What do vou sav 
 to it?" ^ ^ 
 
 What I said was "Yes." I pitied and admired Lord 
 Annesley, though I had no suspicion that the feelings I 
 entertained for him were likely to ripen into love. 
 
 I thought I had done with all that sort of thing long 
 ago. But I wanted a man friend. A woman, however 
 
THU NOBLBB SEX. 175 
 
 capable and independent she may be, feels at times that 
 she requires the stronger, heavier brain of a man to lean 
 upon before she can be sure of her own mind. 
 
 But the first time I met my sister Letty, after I had 
 entered into this compact with Lord Annesley, she con- 
 siderably cooled my ardour. She had come up from Sax- 
 mundham to spend a few weeks with me, and I naturally 
 introduced her to my friend. She did not remember to 
 have been half so intimate with him in the old Ess- 
 borough days as he had told me, and she took a rooted 
 dislike to him from the moment of their reunion, and 
 would have been barely civil except for my sake. 
 
 " What can you see to like in the man, MoUie ? " she 
 inquired, with elevated brows. 
 
 Her question made me pause and ask myself the 
 same. What was it, that attracted me to him. When I 
 came to consider the question I had no satisfactory an- 
 swer to give. Lord Annesley was not particularly young, 
 nor handsome, nor clever, nor good. He was simply a 
 fine animal. But here my heart reproached me with in- 
 gratitude. He had invariably been kind to me, and sym- 
 pathized with my trials. And he was a merry, cheerful 
 companion into the bargain. What could any woman 
 desire more ? 
 
 " Why do I like him ? " I repeated ; " because he has 
 such infectious spirits that one cannot be dull in his pres- 
 ence ! You know how often I suffer from depression, 
 Letty. How could it be otherwise, in my unfortunate 
 position ? Lord Annesley cheers me up and makes me 
 forget my trouble. He is the most excellent company." 
 
 My sister said no more on the subject, but a few days 
 later she came to me with an open letter in her hand. 
 
 " Oh, MoUie ! " she exclaimed. " I told Nellie about meet- 
 ing Lord Annesley here, and she sends me a terrible ac- 
 coimt of him. She begs you won't be intimate with him. 
 She says he ought never to have been admitted to your 
 house. Dr. Stuckley (mother's old friend, you know) has 
 traced Lord Annesley's career ever since be left Essbor- 
 ough, and he says his own mother and sisters won't speak 
 to him on account of his dissipations. He has a dreadful 
 name for drinking and gambling, and with women. _ It 
 is as much as your character is worth to be seen going 
 
176 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 about with hiin. I do hope you will tell him not to come 
 to the house any more." 
 
 But this abuse of the absent made me fairly boil over 
 with rage. 
 
 " Insult my friend ! Discard a man who has shown me 
 nothing but kindness and civility, and on the word of an 
 old scandalmonger like Dr. Stuckley, Letty? Indeed! I 
 shall do no such thing. What authority has Dr. Stuck- 
 ley to propagate such reports about Lord Annesley? 
 Why, it's libel. If I were to repeat them he would prob- 
 ably be had up in court to make his statements good. 
 I suppose he has got hold of the fact that Lady Annes- 
 ley drinks, and has tacked it on to her poor husband. 
 When have you ever seen him drink? I never have. 
 How cruel the world is ! As for gambling, he hasn't the 
 money to gamble with. They are as poor as church 
 rats. And with regard to the other thing, they say it of 
 every man. I despise such statements. Dr. Stuckley 
 would be afraid to make them to Lord Annesley's face." 
 
 " I didn't know you were so much interested in him 
 as aU that," said Letty, sadly. 
 
 " I am not more interested in him than in my other 
 friends, but I will not hear people abused behind their 
 backs," I criedj hotly, as I moved away. 
 
 Letty never mentioned the subject again to me, but I 
 noticed that she left the room whenever Lord Annesley 
 was announced, and the fact nettled me so much that 
 when the time arrived for her to return to Saxmundham 
 I never pressed her to prolong her visit. 
 
 That year was an unlucky one for me. My little Mta's 
 eighth birthday was close at hand, and I found it harder 
 and harder to gain access to her. 
 
 Every possible obstacle was put in my way, and I could 
 see, by her increased constraint on meeting, that my 
 child's mind was being secretly poisoned against me 
 during my absence ; but what remedy had I ? 
 
 I had done no wrong, but I could not tell Mta so with- 
 out blaming her father, or introducing the forbidden 
 subject of religion, whilst her guardians were at liberty 
 to_ say what they liked to her. My brother-in-law re- 
 ceived a handsome allowance from my husband for the 
 maintenance of his ward, and so it became his object to 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 177 
 
 keep her with him as long as possible. He knew that 
 my literary income was variable, and that the money I 
 had inherited at my mother's death was very little. 
 There was nothing to be gained, therefore (in his eyes), 
 by sticking to me, whilst my husband was by this time 
 in the possession of a handsome fortune, which was 
 entirely at his own disposal. The Reverend Charles, 
 therefore, not only espoused his brother's cause openly, 
 but made his wife do the same. This often provoked 
 words between us, and never more so than on the occa- 
 sion of Mta's eighth birthday. I went down to Newton 
 Piercy with my little one's presents, and found that she 
 was not only absent from home, but lying ill at Buxton 
 with an attack of measles. 
 
 " The rector's children have not had it," remarked the 
 Reverend Charles, coolly, "and so we considered it better 
 to send Anita out of the way for fear of spreading the 
 infection." 
 
 " My child is ill," I gasped, " and you never even took 
 the trouble to inform me." 
 
 " There was no occasion. Mrs. Stopford is paying her 
 every attention." 
 
 " No occasion to tell a mother that her child is suffer- 
 ing. Why, she might die without my seeing her." 
 
 "That is in God's hands," remarked the Reverend 
 Charles, sententiously. 
 
 " It is not m. God's hands," I cried angrily. " God 
 would never be so inhuman as to separate a mother from 
 her child. That remains for man's cruel nature to think 
 of. It is not to be excused in any one. But for you — a 
 minister of the gospel of love and peace — to aid and abet 
 such wickedness — ^why, you ought to be stripped of your 
 cloth for it." 
 
 " I do not see that we shall mend matters by violence," 
 he replied. " You are disappointed, perhaps, hut you 
 have no right to be so. This is "Wednesday, I believe, 
 and your day for seeing my brother's daughter is Sat- 
 urday. Before that date I should have sent a post-card 
 to save you the trouble of coming." 
 
 " This is Wednesday" I repeated, witheringly. " Yes, 
 but to-day is Nita's birthday — the day God gave her to 
 me. Would any but a devil wish to prevent my seeing 
 
 12 
 
178 TSE NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 her to-day? But it will come back upon you, Charles 
 Stopford. God will punish you for your conduct to me, 
 and I hope it may be by never giving you a child of your 
 own, or taking it back as soon as given. Then perhaps 
 you may realize a little of what you have made me feel." 
 
 He grew very pale and raised his hand. 
 
 " Oh ! hush ! hush ! Do not pain me further by such 
 ungovernable language. What is the use of this con- 
 tmual fighting against the authority of the court ? " 
 
 " I do not fight against it ; I only claim the rights it 
 gave me. They are mine and I will have them. I will 
 not let go my hold upon my daughter's heart." 
 
 " And to what end ? Only to render the final separa- 
 tion, when it comes, more painful to both of you." 
 
 "There will be no final separation. When Mta is 
 fourteen she will be able to choose with which parent she 
 will live, and she wUl choose me." 
 
 "Do you think so ? What is to prevent her preferring 
 her father's home to yours ? " 
 
 " She knows nothing of him. Wilham is a stranger 
 to her." 
 
 " By that time he may not be so. It is the aim of both 
 Maria and myself to make Anita love her father. If you 
 rest much on the hope of claiming her again, Mary, I 
 should advise you to crush that hope. It is selfish as well 
 as uncertain. What advantages can you offer Anita, com- 
 pared with what my brother can give her ? He is grow- 
 ing richer every year, and wiU be able to dower his 
 daughter well. For my own part I shall do my very 
 utmost to enable Anita to judge the matter impartially 
 for herself." 
 
 " You will tempt her away from me, in fact, by the 
 thought of the superior wealth her father can offer her. 
 Are you a friend to interfere in so sacred a matter ? 
 What interest have you in it ? How much are you to be 
 paid for it?" 
 
 " I want nothing in exchange for doing my duty, Mary, 
 and considering the heretical state of your soul, I look 
 upon it as a solemn duty to detach Anita's affections as 
 much as possible from you. And you have no one but 
 yourself to thank for it. You know that this sad condi- 
 tion of affairs has been brought about solely through 
 
TBE NOBLER SEX. 179 
 
 your obstinacy, and the consequences must be laid at your 
 own door." 
 
 I could have struck him across his pasty face as he 
 delivered himself of these aphorisms, tut I was gagged 
 and bound — helpless in his hands. A pensioner upon 
 his bounty, for the times and opportunities, to see my 
 own flesh and blood. 
 
 I raved at him a little more, but I would not let him 
 read the sick, despairing heart I carried home with me. 
 
 All the little castles in the air I had built up for myself 
 had fallen to the ground. I had relied so confidently on 
 the hope that the purgatory I was passing through would 
 terminate in six years' time, and then I should have Mta 
 all to myself. I felt so sure of my darling's love for me 
 and desire to return to my protection. But now I be- 
 lieved I was parted for ever from her. She would grow 
 up and go out in the world and marry, perhaps, and make 
 new interests for herself, and still her imf ortunate mother 
 (whose heart so yearned over her) would remain only a 
 sort of acquaintance — a distant memory, a friend in dis- 
 grace, who could participate neither in her sorrow nor 
 her joy. 
 
 At that moment I wished I had relinquished her en- 
 tirely from the first and not planted this extra root of 
 bitterness for myself. 
 
 My brother-in-law's assurance had the effect for a while 
 of making me shrink from seeing Mta. Her childish ill- 
 ness soon passed and she was back at Newton Piercy, and 
 I think my reproaches must have somewhat frightened 
 the Eeverend Charles, for he wrote to apprise me of her 
 return, and to say that I could see her any day. But I 
 kept away as long as I could. I had become afraid of 
 growing too fond of her. I did not want to lay up more 
 scourges than were absolutely necessary to flagellate my- 
 self. And when I did see her I fancied she talked more 
 of her father than she had ever done before — more of the 
 presents and money he had sent her ; of the pony he had 
 promised to give her ; of the time when he was coming 
 back to England and going to take her to all manner of 
 amusements, and in all which there was no allusion to me. 
 This fresh disappointment weighed so heavily upon my 
 mind, that I believe it was the ultimate cause of a dan- 
 gerous illness that presently overtook me. 
 
180 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XXn. 
 
 I AM SOEELT TEMPTED. 
 
 I WAS engaged to open a new lecture hall in the north 
 of England, but theyery evening I was to have appeared 
 I was taken ill at vaj hotel with a violent attack of ery- 
 sipelas on the brain, which nearly cost me my life, and 
 did cost me the loss of nearly two hundred pounds. I 
 lay in the toAvn, where I was an utter stranger, for six 
 weeksl watched day and night by an experienced doctor 
 and nurse, but without any assistance from my own rela- 
 tions. The disease was infectious, and they were all 
 afraid to encounter it. 
 
 When I staggered back to London, weak as water, 
 and suffering from intense depression of spirits, Lord 
 Annesley was the only friend who volunteered to meet 
 me at the station and conduct me home. More than that, 
 on hearing me make some contemptible wail over the 
 money I had lost, and which at another time I should 
 have thought nothing of, he sent me a letter, inclosing 
 a cheque for the amount, begging me to make what use 
 I chose of it, and declaring he should never feel the loss, 
 an assertion which I knew, from what I had seen of his 
 poverty, must be untrue. This piece of generosity touched 
 me to the quick. It is such a grand, noble virtue, and 
 it is so wonderfully rare. 
 
 I was too blind to recognize it as the offspring of his 
 passion for myself. 
 
 I thought he would have behaved in like manner to 
 any woman in distress, and I honoured him for it. Of 
 course I did not keep the money — that would have been 
 impossible to me under any circumstances — ^but the re- 
 ceipt of it, and the feelings it evoked, opened my eyes 
 to the state of my own heart. Involimtarily I kissed 
 the letter he had written, and the action made my cheeks 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 181 
 
 flame like fire. "Was I falling in love -with Lord Annes- 
 ley ? The idea horrified me a great deal more than when, 
 as a girl, I found out I loved Gervase Lawson. 
 
 Then I had been frightened of myself. Now I was 
 frightened at the prospect of the suffering I should have 
 to undergo. 
 
 "No, no!" I cried inwardly, "I cannot, I will not, go 
 through all that terrible pain again. I am twice the fool 
 I was to have fallen into the trap a second time, but I 
 will be doubly wise in extricating myself from it. I 
 will leave London until I have got over my folly." 
 
 Li consequence I did go away on a lengthy visit to 
 some friends in Scotland, and for some months after- 
 wards I saw nothing of Lord Annesley although he fre- 
 quently wrote to me. 
 
 And his letters contained the gradual development 
 of a wonderful piece of news. He was on the road to be 
 freed from his matrimonial fetters. He had detected his 
 wife in gross misconduct, which seemed to have been going 
 on for years past, and she had not even taken the trouble 
 to deny the accusation. Witnesses cropped up in every 
 direction, as plentiful as blackberries, and a^ soon as the 
 case came before the court, it was decided, and a decree 
 nisi passed. I followed the suit (naturally) with the 
 greatest interest, noting every detail record.ed by the 
 newspapers, and one incident made me feel rather uncom- 
 fortable. Lady Annesley's father, the county clergyman 
 of some distant district, appeared in court as a witness for 
 his daughter's side, and swore that he could prove Lord 
 Annesley to be a drunkard,a gambler and an adulterer, and 
 so indecent and blasphemous in his conduct and conversa- 
 sion before women, that he was not fit to be admitted to 
 any respectable family. But the old man was unknown, 
 and had no one of note behind him to support his state- 
 ments, whilst Lord Annesley was represented by one of the 
 leading counsels of the day. So he gained his case without 
 the slightest trouble, and the judge pronounced all charges 
 against him from the other side to be trumped-up false- 
 hoods to attempt to whiten a very black case. I felt 
 indignant, and trembled when I thought how his life 
 might have been still further wrecked if the old parson's 
 word had been believed. But he was victorious, and I 
 
182 THE NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 hoped with all my heart that he would be happy and at 
 peace for the future. 
 
 All this time I remained amongst the Scottish hills, 
 drinking in physical health and mental energy from the 
 lovely scenery and bracing atmosphere by which I was 
 surrounded, and trying not to think too much of Lord 
 Annesley and his divorce suit. 
 
 I was the more reconciled to remaining away from 
 home because my husband had come to England for a few 
 months' holiday, and was staying at his brother's house. 
 Newton Piercy, therefore, was a forbidden place for me 
 until he had left it again, and though I had received a 
 coolly impertinent letter from Mrs. Charles Stopford to 
 say that during her " dear brother William's " visit to 
 them I could see Anita as usual at the house of her "dear 
 friend, Mrs. Jones," who had kindly consented to remain, 
 on guard during my interview with my little girl, my 
 pride forbade my accepting the insulting proposal. WTien, 
 after an absence of six months, I returned to London, 
 my husband was still at Newton Piercy, and Lord An- 
 nesley's decree nisi had been made absolute. He was a 
 free man. He came to see me directly after my arrival, 
 and gave me a detailed account of the lawsuit, and the 
 desolate condition of the cottage at Teddiugton, and the 
 two boys running wild there without a soul to look after 
 them. 
 
 "Not that she ever did so," he added significantly, "but 
 it is worse than ever now. Naturally I don't care to be 
 much in the place, and the servants and children are 
 going to rack and ruin." 
 
 " But, Davie," I said (I used to call him " Davie " when 
 we were quite alone), " surely it is time the lads left 
 home. Why don't you send them to school ? " 
 
 "Where am I to get the money from?" he answered. 
 
 "Oh forgive me. I never thought of that. I have 
 never asked, nor wished to know, what your income is." 
 
 " It is very small, you may take your oath of that, and 
 this beastly suit has impoverished me still more, for as 
 she had no money, all the costs fell on me." 
 
 " Where, then, is Captain de Ricca? " I asked, naming 
 the co-respondent. " Are they not together ? " 
 
 "Not a bit of it. De Ricca is wiser than myself. He 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 183 
 
 did not see the fun of such a bargain, and bolted to Amer- 
 ica as soon as the citation was served. Besides, he has 
 no money, so my lady went home to her father. I 
 wish the parsonage joy of her." 
 
 " Don't talk of it," I'said earnestly. " It only excites 
 you, and can do no good. Let us think of the little lads. 
 What are their ages ? " 
 
 " Ralph is twelve and Georgie ten. I know they are 
 old enough for school, but they are not fit for it. They 
 can barely do more than read and write." 
 " Who has taught them then ? " 
 " I don't know. Some old dame in the village." 
 " But what do you intend to make of them ? " 
 « I have never thought of it. Chuck then into the mer- 
 chant service, I suppose, or sent them out to Australia 
 cattle driving. ' Tve no money to spend upon them, I can 
 tell you." 
 
 " My dear friend, those are not fit occupations for 
 your children." 
 "Are they my children?" 
 
 " Of course they are. Tou must never think anything 
 else. And Ralph is the future Earl of Woodrow. He 
 must have an education to fit him to hold the posi- 
 tion." 
 
 "When I'm dead/" remarked Lord Annesley, with a 
 peculiar twist of the mouth, as if he thought me very 
 imfeeling to aUude to it. 
 
 " We must all die at some time or another, Davie," I 
 replied, "and talking of it will not bring it one day 
 nearer to us." 
 
 "Well, look here, MoUie, I'd send the boys to Eton 
 or Harrow to-morrow, and devilish glad to get rid of 
 them, if I only had the cash. But I haven't. She spent 
 all my money for me. She's ruined me and the children." 
 "Would not your family help ? " 
 " E'o. I've quarrelled with the whole lot. They hated 
 my marr3dng my late wife — they thought she wasn't 
 good enough for me. They wanted to make a match be- 
 tween me and Lady Martha Leston. But I would have 
 my own way, and this is the end of it. I thought Adela 
 was an angel. I thought her love would make up to me 
 for the opposition of my family. I thought she would 
 
184 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 have died before she had permitted a brute like De 
 Ricca " 
 
 But here Lord Annesley broke down and plunged his 
 face into his hands. 
 
 I was deeply affected. A woman generally is by the 
 sight of a man's tears. I believed in those days that it 
 was such a terrible effort to men to cry that it wrung 
 their very heart-strings. I don't believe that now. 
 
 I left my seat and laid my hand upon his shoulder. 
 
 " Don't cry, Davie," I said, " or you will make me cry 
 too. She is not worth it. She did not know how to 
 value your great, true heart. You will see that in time, 
 And had she remained at home she might have taught 
 your little lads to be as bad as herself. Let us thmk 
 only of them. Something must be done for their benefit. 
 Who has the charge of them at present ? " 
 
 " No one," he answered in a stifled voice. " There is 
 the cook at home and the man-servant. That is all. I 
 have hardly been near the place for the last three months. 
 They may both be dead for aught I know. I didn't feel 
 as if I could look at them." 
 
 I was not so infatuated but that I recognized the self- 
 ishness of such conduct. 
 
 " But that will never do," I cried. " The poor children 
 have done no wrong. It is cruel to visit their mother's 
 offence upon them. You must go down and see after 
 them at once." 
 
 " Will you come with me, MoUie ? " asked Lord Annes- 
 ley, raising his head. " It is a woman's work to see after 
 such things, and you can help me so much vrith your ad- 
 vice. If they are to go to school, their clothes must be 
 got ready." 
 
 I thought a little, and then I said : 
 
 "I see no objection to my going down to Teddington 
 for the day, if you will go first and explain to your serv- 
 ants that I am coming to visit the children, and see 
 what I can do for them." 
 
 He seized my hand and tried to kiss it, but I drew it 
 away, 
 
 "Please don't," I said earnestly. "We must be more 
 circumspect than ever in our behaviour towards each 
 other now, Davie, for the world's eyes wiU be upon us 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 185 
 
 both. But I think I can manage Teddington one day 
 next week." 
 
 When I did go down to the cottage and saw the 
 youngsters, I was horrified at the signs of neglect that 
 met me on every side. The boys were tall, lanky crea- 
 tures for their age, and neither of them good-looking. 
 Their hair was rough and tumbled, their hands and nails 
 dirty, and they appeared to have grown out of all their 
 clothes. Their father's lack of pride in them and their 
 fear of him were so pre-eArident that my heart bled for 
 the poor motherless, neglected boys, who had no respon- 
 sible person to look after them. I am afraid I must have 
 evinced my compassion too openly, for I emboldened Lord 
 Annesley (whilst talking the matter over with him a few 
 days later) to exclaim : 
 
 " I know that all you say is true, Mollie ; but I see no 
 help for it, unless, indeed " 
 
 "What?" I asked, as he gazed pleadingly with his 
 blue eyes into miue. 
 
 " Unless you will take care of them yourself." 
 
 " Davie ! how can I ? You know how fully my time is 
 taken up with writing. What leisure have I to go back- 
 wards and forwards to Teddington ? " 
 
 "I don't mean that," he said impatiently. "I want 
 you to take us all three, and make what you will of us. 
 Ah! Mollie! you know that I love you. I have loved 
 you from the beginning. Be my wife — ^be a mother to 
 these unfortunate children, and let the stigma of their 
 birth be stamped out beneath the influence of your noble 
 nature." 
 
 " But, Davie ! — you forget. How can I ? " 
 
 " There is but one way, I admit, but if you will take 
 that way, I swear you shall never repent it. Come to me 
 and let me protect you, until your divorce is over, and I 
 can make you my wife. There need be no open scandal. 
 It will all pass as quietly as possible, and the world will 
 soon forget that everything was not en raffle." 
 
 "The world," I repeated contemptuously. "I care 
 nothing for the world. I hate it for a huge lie and sham. 
 But my child " 
 
 " My dearest, how long do you suppose you wUl keep 
 your child ? She is in her ninth year, I believe. Five 
 
186 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 more, and she will go out to the Brazils with her father. 
 Do you imagine the Stopfords will ever let you get hold 
 of her again ? Never. Their object, day and night, is to 
 prevent it. What effect can your visits, at long intervals, 
 have upon Mta, compared to their hourly influence? 
 Molhe ! It is a sad thing to say, but it is the truth. As 
 far as Mta is concerned, you are already childless." 
 
 His words were true, and as the sense of my desola- 
 tion broke upon me, I burst into tears. 
 
TEE NOBLER SEX. 187 
 
 CHAPTER XXni. 
 
 I YIELD. 
 
 It has always struck me that those writers, who base the 
 interest of their story on the rupture of the marriage 
 vow, take an entirely wrong view of the matter, and rob 
 their heroines of the only possible excuse (if there can be 
 an excuse) for the commission of the crime. 
 
 They seem to be so terribly afraid of outraging the 
 sensibility of their readers, that they try to make an im- 
 proper thing as proper as possible, and render it (to my 
 mind) far worse than it would otherwise have been. 
 
 For what can be more indecent than the idea of a 
 married woman running away from her husband, with a 
 man whom she does not love ? And yet the authors I 
 allude to appear to think that it palliates the offence to 
 make it due to anything but love. 
 
 I could name a dozen such novels, but the ever popular 
 " East Lynne " (which is a glaring example of my theory) 
 will suffice. In this story (which is but a rechauffe of a 
 forgotten romance by Mrs. Marsh, entitled " The Admi- 
 ral's Daughter " ) Lady Isabel leaves a loving and gener- 
 ous husband, whom she is supposed to love in return, for 
 a mean-spirited, foolish fop, for whom she cares nothing. 
 And all because of a little causeless jealousy — which she 
 never attempts to clear up, or inquire the truth of, but 
 immediately requites, on the spur of the moment, by 
 leaving her home with another man. 
 
 This is utterly untrue to nature. 
 
 In real life, Lady Isabel might have felt the jealousy — 
 but never eloped on account of it. She would have been 
 far more likely to make a big scene of recrimination with 
 Archibald Carlyle and found out her mistake before the 
 end of it. 
 
 No woman runs off with a man, whom she does not at 
 least imagine that she loves, however soon she may find 
 
188 THE NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 out her mistake. If she does commit so glaring an im- 
 morality, she must be thoroughly and irreclaimably bad, 
 and should never have been any man's wife at all. Lady 
 Isabel's character is unnatural from the first scene to the 
 last. Had she eloped with Levison for so absurd a 
 reason she would have been too heartless a woman to 
 come back again for the sake of either her husband or 
 her children. 
 
 She would have been a far better woman had she hated 
 Archibald Carlyle and loved the man she sinned for — and 
 then, on discovering his worthlessness, her eyes might 
 have been opened to her husband's value. But these 
 pseudo-moralists seem to imagine that the crime lies in 
 loving, whereas it consists only in the yielding to the 
 love. 
 
 I do not write this to excuse my own conduct, but only 
 to show how different Nature is feom Art. 
 
 Novelists write as they imagine things to be. Happily, 
 perhaps, they have had no personal experience of the 
 truth. 
 
 Z write of what I know and have done. 
 
 But my wrong-doing was conducted in a far more 
 prosaic manner. No uncontrollable burst of passion sent 
 me flying out of my house at a moment's notice, leaving 
 everything at sixes and sevens behind me. 
 
 It was a deliberately determined-on change of life — just 
 as if I had been a widow, and Lord Annesley had made 
 me a proposal of marriage, and I sat down and quietly 
 thought the matter over. 
 
 I had been living alone now for more than five years — 
 separated from my husband by the order of the court — 
 and I considered, therefore, that (morally speaking) I 
 was a free woman. I owed no duty to William Stop- 
 ford. 
 
 There was no chance or probability that we should 
 ever come together again — ^indeed the very thought of 
 him was repugnant to me — and his cruel, tyrannical 
 treatment had never been obliterated from my mind. So 
 far, therefore, I had no compunctious prickings of con- 
 science. 
 
 Then, as to Nita, I have already stated how I stood 
 with regard to her. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 189 
 
 I was already tutoring my heart to let her go. I felt 
 she was slipping, slowly but surely, away from me, and 
 that each time I saw her she clung to me less and seemed 
 to have more interest in her surroundings. 
 
 If ever she came back to me — ^but no ! she would never 
 come ! The links in the chain, which bound me to her, 
 were being broken one by one. 
 
 I knew that it would end in her going out to Fingas 
 di Rey and settling there. 
 
 And if I refused Lord Annesley's offer, what lay in the 
 future for me ? 
 
 Probably a childless, lonely old age — ^perhaps a pov- 
 erty-stricken one — for who could say how long my power 
 of making money might last ? 
 
 And then I had learned to care for this man, strongly 
 and passionately, with all the warmth of a very warm 
 nature, that could not be happy without love and appro- 
 bation and companionship. 
 
 Yes. I have no hesitation in declaring that at this 
 period of my life and for many years after, I loved David 
 Annesley, with all my heart, and my mind, and my soul, 
 and my strength. I did not consider him to be the best 
 man on earth by a long way, but I thought him the best 
 for me, and I certainly believed him to be both honour- 
 able and true. I thought I should be very happy with 
 him, and I cared for him sufiElciently to long to act a 
 mother's part to his poor neglected children, and to bring 
 them up to be a comfort to him in his old age. 
 
 I pictured him to myself, turning round to me some 
 day, when they were good and estimable men, and saying 
 with gratitude: 
 
 "Mollie, this is, your doing. I owe all this happiness 
 to you." 
 
 I think, also, I was infatuated enough to imagine, that 
 by sacrificing myself for the sake of these motherless ones, 
 and teaching them to be good and true, I should atone, 
 in some mysterious manner, for the wrong I had done my 
 own darling in letting my ephemeral religious feelings 
 come between us. For by this time, I had lost all faith 
 in religion and everything else. What had my attempts 
 at duty done for me ? I had given up Gervase Lawson 
 for the sake of my childj and made myself utterly miser- 
 
190 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 able. Misery had driven me to religion for consolation, 
 and I had lost my child in consequence. And then religion 
 broke under me like a rotten reed, and failed to give me 
 any comfort, and my faith went after it. Man had first 
 failed me, though I had tried to do my duty by him, and 
 then God had failed me, when I wished to devote myself 
 to Heaven, so that between the two, I had come to care 
 for nothing, except that natural tie which ever bound m.e 
 like a chain of iron. Why did God fail me ? Where was 
 He, when His weak, suffering creature appealed to Him 
 for help ? I had prayed, I had wept, I had implored Him, 
 by all His promises and warnings, to keep my soul close 
 to Him. 
 
 I wanted to be so kept. I had even torn myself from 
 Mta, for the sake of what I considered a sacred duty, 
 and then, just as I had given up everything but religion — 
 home and child and position — it fell from my hands like 
 a fairy gift. 
 
 Good people informed me, that I had not prayed in 
 the proper manner, or God would have heard and answered 
 me. But I prayed as best I knew how. I prayed with 
 all my soul — T was desperately in earnest. What could 
 I have done more ? And if God loved me, and read my 
 sincerity through my imperfections, why didn't He teach 
 me to pray to Him in a more acceptable manner ? Is it a 
 wonder that I had learned to believe Him to be nowhere, 
 or (if existent) too far off, or too busy to attend to the 
 wants of the creatures He had made. As for what the 
 world and society might say to my taking up my abode 
 in Lord Annesley's house, I did not let that thought 
 trouble me one whit. By this time ; I knew what it 
 called the world to be one great falsehood. I knew what 
 it had said of me when I was innocent of evil — ^what is 
 said of its dearest friends every day — and what it did it- 
 self, under cover of its moral platitudes and scandalous 
 assertions. I despised the world and rather gloried 
 than otherwise at the idea of setting its laws at defiance. 
 I felt that if it could do without me, so could I do 
 without it and be rather pleased than sorry, to have seen 
 the last of it. 
 
 I thought a great deal more of what Gervase Lawson 
 would think of me, than what society would say. 
 
THB NOBLES SEX. 191 
 
 He was still living at Westmoreland Hall, and had 
 become the father of several children. I heard from him 
 occasionally, and his letters still had the power to stir my 
 feelings. 
 
 This first great love of mine (though never gratified) 
 yet occupied a very sacred niche in my heart, where 
 nothing had ever shared its throne. The passion had 
 evaporated and the active pain was over. But the single- 
 hearted devotion to my first lover, reigned supreme. 
 
 "What is it in these early loves, that can never be 
 repeated, nor imitated ? 
 
 Is it the freshness of them, that never fades, or is the 
 sensation one that stands alone, or are they so indelibly 
 cut iato our souls, that rivers of tears cannot wash them 
 out agaia? 
 
 I said to myself at that time, that the later and more 
 experienced love, must be the stronger of the two — ^that 
 I had loved Gervase Lawson as a girl, and because he 
 was the first man who touched my heart, but that I had 
 seen so many men suice then, and studied their charac- 
 ters so closely, that if my matured judgment siugled 
 David Annesley from the crowd, it must needs be. because 
 he was the most worthy. And yet though Gervase Law- 
 son broke my heart, and his subsequent behaviour in- 
 curred my contempt, my affection for him and my remem- 
 brance of him, as he was in those far-off days of youth 
 and hope, are as vivid now, as they were then. And 
 when I meet him in that other world, which looms so 
 close and yet looks so dim to all of us, I know that I 
 shall meet him as a friend, without one unkind thought 
 to mar the pleasure of reunion. 
 
 Even whilst my whole heart was filled with passion 
 for David Annesley, I could look back with a subdued 
 melancholy on my old love for Gervase Lawson and pray 
 God to bless him, here and hereafter. 
 
 One thing, however, I considered right, and that was 
 that Lord Annesley should be made acquainted with the 
 history of my first attachment. It was a most quixotic 
 and mmecessary determination on my part, and one which 
 I would never recommend to my women readers. Few 
 men are sufficiently generous to be trusted with the 
 secrets of a woman's life. They are careful not to tell us 
 
192 TSM NOBLER SEX. 
 
 theirs, and they are not always above using ours as wea- 
 pons to scourge us withal. I had never confided this old 
 story to William Stopford's ears, but it had pained me to 
 conceal it, and I resolved not to commence a second mar- 
 ried life with anything between my soul and that of my 
 husband. 
 
 And so one day when we were alone together, I told 
 Davie ( with many tears and much uncertainty as to how 
 he would receive the communication ) the history of my 
 early love and how faithful I had been to it. I added 
 that, if the knowledge made any difference in his feelings 
 towards me, I was ready to give him back any promises 
 he had made respecting our future. 
 
 " You have told me, Davie, that you intend to marry 
 me," I concluded, " and therefore I tell you this, as to my 
 future husband, but I have never hinted at it to another liv- 
 ing creature. Tou must regard my confidence, therefore, 
 as sacred, whether it affects our present relationship or not. 
 But I think it is only right that you should know you 
 are not the first man that I have loved, and that indeed 
 ( dear as you are to me ) I feel I shall never quite love in 
 that way again. And now what do you say ? " 
 
 I paused, rather fearful what his reply might be, for I 
 knew he was of a jealous temperament, and he had con- 
 stantly spoken as though he thought he had been the first 
 man to engage my affections. 
 
 But his answer, given unhesitatingly, was an agreeable 
 surprise to me. 
 
 "What do I say?" he repeated, holding out his arms. 
 " Why, that my MoUie is the noblest and bravest and 
 truest-hearted woman I have ever met, and that I would 
 marry her to-morrow if I could." 
 
 After this interview, I felt no more doubt upon the 
 matter, and I tried hard to render myself worthy of his 
 commendation. 
 
 I had been accustomed to indulge in a great many use- 
 less day-dreams about Gervase Lawson. 
 
 I never expected to be married to him, of course ; but 
 still it would please me to lie back in an arm-chair and 
 close my eyes, and fancy what my life would be like if 
 (by any lucky chance) Gervase and I should ever, both 
 of us, be free. 
 
THE NOBLEIt SEX. 193 
 
 It was a dangerous amusement, that unfitted me for 
 every-day life, and I knew it to be so. 
 
 And yet it had seemed a sort of consolation. My bed- 
 room wall, too, was hung with all the portraits I had 
 ever received of my lost lover, and I always wore a locket 
 containing his hair and a pair of studs that had belonged 
 to him, next my heart. I had not considered I wronged 
 any one by cherishing these trifling mementos of his bach- 
 elor life, for since his marriage, no tokens of any sort 
 had passed between us. 
 
 But pure as my love for Gervase Lawson had become, 
 I felt that to indulge even in these memories of it was a 
 sin against Lord Annesley. I had told him that it was 
 past, and I must do all I could to make it so. 
 
 So I took down the half-obliterated photographs in 
 their seedy little frames, and put them by, and drew the 
 locket and the studs from their resting-place and laid 
 them, with a farewell kiss, in the lowest drawer of my 
 jewel case. However my friends and relations might 
 resent the step I was about to take, I would at least ( I 
 said to myself) go to David Annesley with as clean hands 
 and as single a heart as lay in my power. 
 
 Of course he had heard all the details of my married 
 life over and over again, but there was another subject 
 which I felt, for my child's sake, should be clearly under- 
 stood between us before we took up the burdpn of life 
 together. 
 
 Lord Annesley did not believe that I should ever have 
 Mta to live with me again, and I dreaded the very worst 
 myself in that respect. Still, there was a chance (though 
 a faint one) that when she came of age to judge tor her- 
 self, my daughter's heart might speak to her in favour 
 of the first love of her childhood's days. And if that 
 happy moment arrived I must be prepared to meet it. 
 I was now making a good income, from a thousand to 
 fifteen hundred a year, and had already commenced a 
 little fund in Mta's name to defray the expenses of her 
 education, or her marriage, if she ever returned to me. 
 I was also in the possession of a house full of handsome 
 furniture, purchased since my separation from my hus- 
 band, with valuable paintings and books, and I felt 
 (considering the peculiar circumstances under which I 
 
 13 
 
194 fSE NOSLEM SET. 
 
 was about to marry Lord Annesley) that in the event of 
 our reunion, my child might justly complain if my prop- 
 erty were not secured to her. Particularly as, although 
 open enough on other subjects. Lord Annesley had never 
 satisfied me as to the source or amount of his own in- 
 come. 
 
 So I invited him one day to a serious conference, and 
 when he was comfortably settled with his pipe in his 
 mouth, I broached the subject to him. 
 
 It had cost me an effort to do so, for it is always an un- 
 pleasant thing to suggest that one's money should be 
 secured to oneself. But I was a business woman, and 
 knew that it was necessary — moreover, that Davie should 
 have been the one to propose it, only he was such a 
 light-hearted, careless, devil-may-care f eUow, that I could 
 well believe he had never given the matter a single 
 thought. 
 
 I sat down on a footstool at his feet, resting my clasped 
 hands on his knees, and having explained the state of 
 affairs as they appeared to me, I told him that I had 
 determined to lay by a yearly sum of three to five hundred 
 pounds, as a provision against my daughter's return, or a 
 legacy to her, in case of my death. 
 
 " For in either alternative she may need money, Davie," 
 I said. " Mr. Stopford is rich, but he is exceedingly 
 stingy and capricious, and might cut my child out of hi§ 
 will for a whim." 
 
 At this. Lord Annesley seemed to be a little annoyed. 
 
 " You have not as much confidence in me, Mollie, as I 
 have in you," he answered. " Do you suppose that if you 
 died Nita would not be my care ? My home would be 
 hers (if she needed it), and my money at her disposal." 
 
 " I am sure of that," I returned, " but it would not be 
 the same thing. Nita may be proud (like myself), and 
 refuse to accept from a stepfather what she would take 
 as a right from me. I should not be happy unless I 
 knew that, in case of accidents, my little girl was 
 provided for, or if, at any time, she needed money, it 
 would be ready, waiting for her. And since we are on 
 the subject of money, dearest, let us understand each 
 other fully. Let me know distinctly how much a year 
 you expect to receive from me. You kuow what I am 
 
THE NOBLEE SEX. 195 
 
 making at present, but a literary income fluctuates ; 
 besides, sickness may occur at any moment to prevent 
 my working. At the same time, with the boys' education 
 to think of, it is quite necessary we should determine 
 how many hundreds we can afford to spend per annum. 
 Your income amounts, I suppose, to a few hundreds. 
 Shall we fix my contribution to it at eight ? That will 
 leave a margin to lay by in case of inability or any 
 sudden need." 
 
 " I don't luiderstand you," he said, with a frown. 
 " Do you mean that we are to have separate incomes and 
 interests ? " 
 
 " Oh, Davie ! certainly not. I should wish you to take 
 entire charge of the yearly expenditure, only I want to 
 know how much of it you expect me to provide. I can 
 regulate my work better if I know exactly how much I 
 shall have to pay." 
 
 Lord Annesley's annoyance at what seemed a very 
 simple and natural proposition on my part was unqualified. 
 
 His naturally florid complexion grew crimson, his eyes 
 darted lightning at me, and he rose from his chair, and 
 flinging his pipe on the ground, paced the floor like a 
 caged lion. 
 
 "And so <Ais," he exclaimed, ^'■this is what you call 
 love and trust in me. You talk of our marriage. Why, 
 you don't know what marriage means. Would this be an 
 union of hearts and interests — ^this cold-blooded, merce- 
 nary proposition of paying so much and so much, as if 1 
 were a boarding-house keeper, and you were about to 
 lodge with me ? Is there a woman in this world who 
 knows what it is to be a wife ? One with me in soul and 
 body ? Am I to go through the old torture over again — 
 the misery of finding that I am neither trusted in nor 
 loved? I — I, who would have given you everything I 
 possessed, down to my last farthing ! And you think, I 
 suppose, that I should roh you of your money — spend it 
 on myself, perhaps — ^instead of having but one idea in 
 life — ^how to make you happy." 
 
 " Davie ! Davie I " I exclaimed, " what have I said to 
 make you speak to me like this ? " 
 
 "You distrust me, Mollie," he reiterated. "You do 
 not consider me fit to take charge of your paltry earn- 
 
196 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 ings. There are to be two bankers and two banking 
 accounts, and Lord Annesley is to draw one coloured 
 cheque and Lady Annesley another. Well, then, I tell 
 you I can't stand it, and I won't. Either let us be true 
 husband and wife, with one purse and one interest, or let 
 us separate at once, and give up all idea of spending the 
 rest of our lives together." 
 
 Now, had I been a sensible woman, with half the per- 
 spicuity I gave myself credit for, I should have given this 
 speech its true interpretation, and replied without hesita- 
 tion, "Let us part, then, for your words betray as little 
 trust in me as you say I have in you." 
 
 But I loved him, and I could not bear to see him angry. 
 Again my " heart of wool " conquered my " brain of iron," 
 and, like a fool as I was, I melted into tears. 
 
 Surely he was right and I was wrong. 
 
 I had never known what a true marriage was — an union 
 of perfect love and trust. 
 
 If I could not trust him inimitably, how could I sacrifice 
 myself for him, as I was about to do ? 
 
 It must be either all or nothing between us. 
 
 I decided that it should be all, and blamed myself for 
 possessing a mean, grasping and avaricious spirit, ever 
 to have imagined that Davie was not far better alale to 
 take care of my money than myself. 
 
 I told him as much, and an immediate reconciliation, 
 baptized with many tears and kisses, took place between 
 us, the upshot of which was that I agreed to transfer all 
 the money from my bank to his, not even excepting the 
 few hundreds laid by for Nita's benefit, which Lord An- 
 nesley promised faithfully, in case of my death, to make 
 over to her, for her sole use and benefit. 
 
 " There is another thing, darUng," I said presently, 
 as I lay with my tear-stained face upon his shoulder, 
 "that I hope you won't forget, and that is, that you are 
 (not marrying a girl with untrained habits and manners 
 that you can conform to your own. I love you dearly. 
 I have never disguised the truth from you. I could not 
 take the step I contemplate unless I loved you with all 
 my heart , but I have been my own mistress for so many 
 years, that I fear sometimes I am too old a dog to learn 
 new tricks. Having to earn my own living and to think 
 
THM NOBLER SEX. 197 
 
 and act for myself has made me more of a man than a 
 ■woman in my feelmgs. I am afraid I shall not find it 
 easy to obey. You must make allowance for my past 
 life, and let us begin the new one like two friends, whose 
 hearts can agree, even whilst their judgments differ." 
 
 My lover agreed to all this readily, and we parted 
 equally satisfied with the result of our interview. 
 
 I thmk I was a little tired of the anxiety and responsi- 
 bihty attendant on being my own mistress, and felt it a 
 relief to have my money matters taken out of my hands, 
 and not to need to think about them any longer. It 
 never struck me as strange (since Lord Annesley was so 
 anxious that we should be wholly and entirely one) that 
 he did not propose to make some sort of settlement on 
 me of the money he was entitled to at his father's death, 
 or even of my own possessions in the shape of books and 
 furniture. 
 
 But he had said that as soon as we were married he 
 should make a will and leave everything unconditionally 
 to me and I was quite satisfied to trust to his generosity. 
 
198 TSE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 I BEGIN A NEW LIFE. 
 
 I SUPPOSE a romantic elopement was never conducted in 
 such a matter-of-fact way before. "WTien I had quite 
 made up my mind to trust the remainder of my life to 
 Lord Annesley's protection, I sent all my belongings 
 down to the cottage at Teddington, with a letter to WU- 
 liam Stopford to inform him of the step I had taken, and 
 walked quietly into my new home as its recognized mis- 
 tress. The servants had been dismissed, and I was in- 
 troduced by LordAnnesleyto their successors as his wife. 
 The children also had been prepared to receive a step- 
 mother. The cottage was secluded in its own garden, 
 and the Annesleys had never made acquaintances in Ted- 
 dington, so that the position promised to afford me as 
 little annoyance as was possible. Every one with whom 
 I came in contact addressed me as Lady Annesley, until 
 I almost began to think that I was so. My first in- 
 troduction to the boys was a great disappointment to me. 
 I had seen them on several occasions before, but only 
 when they were in the presence of their father, and on 
 their very best behaviour. But in the light of every- 
 day life they appeared very different. They were, with- 
 out exception, the most terribly neglected children, in 
 their class of life, that I had ever met. To strangers 
 they must have appeared like some petty tradesman's 
 sons, instead of the Honourable Ralph and George An- 
 nesley. Their bodies and clothes were dirty, and their 
 manners rude and disobedient. 
 
 They swore as readily as their father, and used the 
 most indecent words. They had not been under my 
 charge many days before I sat down in despair. They 
 had apparently never been taught to behave themselves 
 in any way. They were so dreadfully afraid of their 
 father that they shrank from his glance like frightened 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 199 
 
 hares, and were utterly silent in his presence ; whilst, as 
 soon as his back was turned, they indulged in all sorts 
 of mischievous tricks and acts of disobedience. They 
 appeared to take a savage delight in destroying as much 
 of the property I had brought into the house as they 
 possibly could, and resented my interference with them 
 in every way. As soon as I had become acquainted with 
 them I was hardly surprised to see that Lord Annesley 
 appeared almost to hate them, and drove them from the 
 room as soon as they entered it. I (who had always had 
 my little Nita so carefully trained, both in nursery and 
 schoolroom, and kept her so entirely my own side, was at 
 a loss to understand how the children of any gentle- 
 people (however careless the parents might be) could be 
 so uncouth, unruly and ignorant. What had the elegant 
 and courteous Lord Annesley been about to allow his 
 offspring to be reared like ploughboys ? Why had Aenot 
 interposed his authority to prevent his name being 
 brought into disgrace ? But of course he had a ready 
 excuse for his failure of duty. The children were hers, 
 he said (meaning his wife) ; they had inherited her eyes 
 and her nose, and so he could never bear the sight of them, 
 and had banished them as much as possible from his 
 presence. He knew they were young bears, and dis- 
 obedient and deceitful — ^they took after her family — and 
 it sickened him to hear of it, and would I do the best I 
 could for them and leave the rest to chance ? Thank 
 Grod, they were boys, and the sooner they were out of the 
 house and out in the world the better. He had often 
 wished he could follow them both to the grave. 
 
 These sentiments, from Davie's lips, both shocked and 
 pained me. I could not believe he spoke in earnest. I 
 used to lay my hand upon his mouth to silence him, and 
 tell him when he talked in so terrible a fashion, that he 
 didn't mean what he said. But something told me that 
 he did, and after awhile (though I could not love the boys 
 as I should have wished to do) I pitied them so much that 
 I never reported their misdemeanours to him. 
 
 For once or twice he had thrashed them with his iron 
 hand and unbridled passion in a way that frightened me 
 and turned me sick, for I had never uplifted my hand to 
 Mta in her life. 
 
200 THE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 But the behaviour of the Annesley boys became in a 
 few months so bad that we were compelled to take notice 
 of it. I had done all ia my power to tame them, but their 
 father would not aUow me to do as much as I wished. 
 He required me to sit all day with him, instead of with 
 them, and if I admitted them to the room they were 
 bound to be dismissed with a rebuke or a blow. In the 
 evenings he required me to accompany him to the theatre 
 or on the river, and the " cubs " or the " louts " (as he 
 termed them) were left to their own devices, which 
 usually consisted of destroying some of my possessions. 
 It never seemed to occur to him to include the children 
 in our amusements or occupations, and if I proposed or 
 urged it he always cut me short by asking if I wished to 
 destroy aU his enjoyment. I have always been a neat 
 and particular woman (notwithstanding my literary pro- 
 pensities), and love to have everything about me, not only 
 beautiful, but in apple-pie order, and what I suffered 
 from these uncouth lads thumbing my books and break- 
 ing my china was almost sufficient expiation for my 
 sin. 
 
 I had strongly advised Lord Annesley not to commence 
 our manage until the boys had been sent to school. I 
 foresaw it would be far better for myself if they did not 
 meet me until the worst part of the storm had blown 
 over and their father and I were legally married. But 
 he had overruled my proposal. He did not care enough 
 for his children to give up anything for their sake, and a 
 boarding-school would have entaUed greater expenses 
 abroad and less luxury at home. By-and-by, however, 
 he was forced to do as I had asked him. The respectable 
 day school to which we had transferred the boys expelled 
 them for gross misconduct, and refused to receive them 
 again, even on trial. 
 
 Lord Annesley stormed and raved, and thrashed both 
 Ralph and Georgie, but the upshot was that they were 
 sent to a German college, the high-class English schools 
 refusing to admit them without a certificate of good con- 
 duct from their late masters. 
 
 I was very glad when they were gone. 
 
 Peace reigned in the cottage, and I hoped that when 
 they returned home for the holidays they would have 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 201 
 
 been disciplined, by the force of example, into better be- 
 haviour. 
 
 But before they left us I had had more than one fear- 
 ful experience of Lord Annesley's temper, which (as soon 
 as we had settled down together as man and wife) showed 
 itself to be as uncontrollable as it was violent. The 
 smallest thing seemed to provoke it. The most reason- 
 able thing would sometimes drive him into a furious 
 passion, which was akin to madness. When in these 
 moods he would seize the pictures from the walls, or the 
 ornaments off the mantelpiece, and smash them into 
 atoms on the floor. I have even seen him raise a heavy 
 mahogany chair above his head and throw it down, 
 broken in pieces, to the ground. Especially would he be 
 provoked (with anger, not sorrow) at any sign on my 
 part of the humiliation I was daily undergoing. I bore 
 up pretty bravely. I had taken up my position as mis- 
 tress of the household. I was called by his name, and 
 his children addressed me as their mother. Yet I knew 
 that my very servants and tradespeople were aware that 
 I had no real claim to either title. 
 
 I am a very proud woman. All my life my pride has 
 been my strongest point, and I had quite foreseen how 
 deeply it would be wounded by the step I had taken. I 
 had read and heard of what other women had undergone 
 under similar circumstances, and I had made a vow be- 
 forehand that I would never place myself in a position to 
 be " cut" by any of my female acquaintances. 
 
 From the moment, therefore, that I socially ostracized 
 myself, I made a point of passing aU my former acquaint- 
 ances with my eyes straight before me, as if I did not 
 see them. 
 
 I must record here that very few women took advantage 
 of my apparent blindness (for I had been a general favour- 
 ite in society), and those who did were mostly ladies 
 whose own characters would not bear inspection. 
 
 It is said that one man may steal a horse, whilst another 
 may not look over the gate. "Whether that is true or not 
 — whether the gap I should have left in society would 
 have been worse than my unworthy filling of it I cannot 
 say — ^but it is the fact that many of my female friends 
 ran after me in the street, to ask why I had not stopped 
 
202 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 to shake hands with them, and what they had done that 
 1 should pass them by. Yet, though the proofs of my 
 popularity were a great salve to my wounded pride, it 
 was impossible that I should not feel the position I had 
 placed myself in. A woman never knows how much she 
 valued her reputation until she has lost it. I tried to 
 laugh it o£E for the sake of my lover, but it ground me to 
 the very earth, and if ever my eyes showed traces of tears 
 or my spirits were depressed. Lord Annesley, instead of 
 sympathizing with me, or reminding me that I had his 
 love in exchange for my loss of character, would fly into 
 a rage, and ask me if I had not got him, and what the 
 devil could a woman want more. 
 
 One evening, when we had arranged to go to the Alham- 
 bra together, he so frightened and upset me, with one of 
 his sudden bursts of passion, that I became too hysterical 
 to accompany him, and he left the house without me. 
 
 As I sat crying by myself in the room I called my study, 
 a boy's arms were wound round my neck from behind, 
 and the voice of his eldest son Ralph said : 
 
 " Don't cry, mamma. It's no good. He'll never be any 
 better." 
 
 " Oh ! Ralph," I said (my heart opening to his sympathy), 
 " I never meant to make him angry. I don't know what 
 I've done wrong." 
 
 " It would be aU the same if you did right or wrong," 
 replied the boy. " It always has been. That is what 
 made mother leave him. You should have heard him 
 blow the roof oflE when she was here. It was twice as 
 bad as now. "We never knew if our lives were our own 
 from one hour to another. You will get accustomed to 
 it, mamma, and then you won't care for it any more than 
 we do. But he used to lead my poor mother a dance ! " 
 
 And this was the man I had given up everything for. 
 Marriage always is a process of disenchantment ; but my 
 discovery of Lord Annesley's weaknesses never made me 
 dream the tie could be broken between us. 
 
 I regarded it as sacredly as I should have done a 
 more legal connection, and mourned over the evil as 
 irremediable. 
 
 How is it that men contrive so cleverly to hide theii 
 real characters before marriage ? 
 
TSE NOBLER SEX. 203 
 
 Is ungratifled passion so powerful an agent that it can 
 control evil tempers and (like charity) cover a multitude 
 of sins ? 
 
 I had known David Annesley intimately for more than 
 a year. I thought I knew every crook and cranny of 
 his character, and never once did I witness an ebullition 
 of temper on his part, until I dwelt under the same roof 
 with him. But now it was of daily and hourly occurrence. 
 I suppose he made so sure of me. 
 
 He knew I had so publicly disgraced myself by taking 
 up my abode with him that I could not possibly go back 
 from my word to marry him, and therefore he felt at 
 liberty to do exactly as he felt inclined, and to show 
 himself in his true colours. Had everything between us 
 been right and proper, and I had married him from the 
 beginning, it would have been just the same, only I 
 should not, in that case, have had the extra misery of 
 feeling I had incurred disgrace as well as disappoint- 
 ment. Although I have several times intimated that I 
 am proud, I do not mean that I have ever been proud of 
 myself, or anything that I have done. On the contrary, 
 phrenologists tell me that, though I have a large bump 
 of love of approbation, I possess a very small one of self- 
 esteem, and that it stood in my way of advancement in 
 the world. 
 
 My pride consists in a profound contempt for any 
 mean or deceitful action, and a quick resentment of mis- 
 judgment or injustice. I know I took the social whip- 
 ping that followed the announcement of my error meekly 
 enough. 
 
 What with the discovery of Davie's irascible temper 
 and the misery of the boys' behaviour, I was broken 
 down in spirits before six months were over my head. 
 
 A harsh or a kind word would alike melt me into 
 tears, and what was worse than all, my love for work 
 and energy seemed deserting me. And another trouble 
 was yet in store. Our cottage being pleasant and our 
 dinners good, we soon became surrounded (notwith- 
 standing my desire for privacy) by a set of new acquaint- 
 ances, who took full advantage of all the good they 
 could get out of us. 
 
 Amongst them was a distant connection of Annesley's, 
 
204 THE NOBLES SEX. 
 
 a man called Vane, whom I took a dislike to from the 
 first, for his sensual face and free conversation, and 
 whom I had reason to believe afterwards was my lover's 
 evil genius and his worst friend. There were women 
 also who visited our house, amongst whom often ap- 
 peared Hilda Leopold, sometimes alone and sometimes 
 accompanied by a gentleman friend, but never by her 
 husband. This I was the less surprised at, as Mr. 
 Leopold had always been distant with me since dis- 
 covering my knowledge of his wife's frailty. It is the 
 usual consequence of knowing too nt,uch. All these 
 ladies Lord Annesley treated with his usual gallantry, 
 and for awhile I was pleased he should do so. Yet it 
 was in consequence of these women that the fresh trouble 
 began. 
 
 I am not of a jealous disposition — ^that is, I am not 
 suspicious, nor have I ever been jealous without cause — 
 and whatever William Stopford's faults may have been, 
 he never exercised my feelings in thMt respect. 
 
 I should wish the man I love and have chosen from 
 the world to be admired by other women. I should 
 wish them even to be jealous and envious of my good 
 fortune in having won him and to long to stand in my 
 shoes. I should not mind how hard they tried to usurp 
 me in his affections. I could stand by and smile at their 
 fruitless efforts if I were only sure the man was true. 
 What satisfaction can there be in possessing something 
 of which no one grudges you the proprietorship ? 
 
 And if the man I loved and trusted proved a failure, 
 if he were not proof against such attentions, if his love 
 for me was so small and weak, and his vanity so large 
 that he must needs be faithless as soon as tempted, then 
 my pride would step in and he might go without my 
 raising a little finger to prevent him. I viewed, therefore, 
 the semi-flirtations that went on between Lord Annesley 
 and these young ladies with perfect complacency. When 
 they called him " a darling " and he put his arm round 
 their waists and kissed them — all done openly before my 
 face — I used to laugh at it for an excellent joke. 
 
 I felt so sure of his complete love for me. Had we not 
 given up the world for one another ? But Lord Annesley 
 had given up many of his nomadic habits since I had gone 
 
TBM NOBLER SEX. 205 
 
 to live with him. He scarcely even went near his club. 
 He loitered about the garden or on the river, and had be- 
 come that most dangerous thing, a man without occu- 
 pation, for whose " idle hands " Satan is bound to find 
 some " mischief still." 
 
 Sometimes I would ask him how he employed himself 
 before I went there, and he used to answer, with a 
 twinkle in his blue eyes, that all his time was taken up 
 then in visiting me, and the fault of his laziness lay at my 
 door alone. My sedentary occupation certainly left him 
 much to himself, and the continued want of supervision 
 led to disastrous results. 
 
 Hilda Leopold (of all people in the world) was the first 
 to direct my attention to the matter. She was not 
 blameless herself (as we know), but she had always 
 evinced an attachment for me, and had never liked Lord 
 Annesley. Clever and experienced as she was, and 
 unblinded by love, she had a clearer insight to his char- 
 acter than myself. But she expected at least (I suppose) 
 to find him grateful for the sacrifice I had made for him. 
 
 She knew the value of the position I had lost better 
 than I did, and thought that no amount of love and 
 devotion could be too much to expect in return. But she 
 found matters at the cottage very different from what 
 she had anticipated. Lord Annesley carried the whole 
 business off with a very high hand. He would not admit 
 that we had done anything wrong, or that I had any 
 reason for low spirits. He alluded frequently, in fact, 
 to our position in a jesting manner, that was both offensive 
 and indelicate, and as though he would say that whoever 
 and whatever was in fault, he remained the finest fellow 
 in the world. 
 
 I guessed what Hilda thought of it, but she became 
 silent and reserved in his presence, and said very little to 
 me behind his back. Only once or twice she kissed me in 
 a significant manner, and as if she were sorry for me. 
 
 " MoUie," she exclaimed one day, as we were sitting 
 together in the drawing-room, and Lord Annesley was 
 romping with three or four yoimg women on the lawn, 
 "who are these girls? Where did you pick them up? 
 Why does Lord Annesley encourage their familiarities? 
 It is an insult to you." 
 
206 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 " My dear Hilda," I replied, " there is no harm in it. It 
 is only Darie's way. He has been used to a lot of flattery 
 from women. He doesn't care a pin for any one of them." 
 
 '■'■Care for them" she repeated, scornfully. "WeU, I 
 should hope not, with you here ! But the way that girl 
 he calls ' Patty ' goes on with him is positively indecent. 
 Last evening, whilst you were singing at the piano, she 
 was sprawling over his knees on the sofa. If any artist 
 forgot herself in that way in the green room of a theatre, 
 she would receive her notice. And whilst you remain in 
 your present equivocal position. Lord Annesley should 
 be careful to treat you with double the respect he would 
 his wife." 
 
 It was funny to hear HUda Leopold preaching pro- 
 priety, but she had sought me out when many others had 
 had no courage to do so, and I had lost my right to find 
 fault with her behaviour. So that it only remained to 
 me to be grateful. Her remarks made me thoughtful, 
 and as soon as a good opportunity occurred, I spoke to 
 Lord Annesley on the subject. I asked him to remember 
 for the future that my friends had not been accustomed • 
 to see such things in society, and that if " Patty " could 
 not conduct herself like a gentlewoman, she had better 
 remain at home. But he merely sneered at my prudery 
 and that of my acquaintances, and refused to believe that 
 a wife, who had Uved five years separate from her husband, 
 had not only witnessed (but done) worse things than a 
 mere nonsensical flirtation. As if there could be anything 
 more than nonsense between himself and a great, awk- 
 ward cow like Patty Fulton. And I kissed his frowns 
 away, and assured him that I had the most perfect con- 
 fidence in his fidelity, and was only afraid that people who 
 heard of such things might be unkind enough to say he 
 was already sick of me. 
 
 " And who," asked Hilda, on another occasion, " is this 
 Baroness Stevan, who is here so constantly with her son ? 
 Is she an old flame of Lord Annesley's ? It would seem 
 (to hear her talk) as though she wished us to think so." 
 
 " An old flame" I repeated. " Oh ! dear, no. Hilda, 
 you are growing suspicious. The baroness is the widow 
 of one of Davie's Heidelberg chums. A reminiscence of 
 his student days. They have been intimate for years. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 207 
 
 She was a great friend of Lady Annesley's, so he tells 
 me." 
 
 " Strange she should be a great friend of the wife's and 
 continue to visit the husband who has divorced her," 
 remarked Hilda carelessly. " However, I don't admire 
 the taste nor the perspicuity of the dear departed. The 
 baroness is a cat. I'm sure of that. No woman with 
 those green-grey eyes and shifting glance, and colourless 
 hair, was ever to be trusted. Don't give yourself away 
 to her, MoUie." 
 
 " I am not likely to do so. I dislike her too much, and 
 I think the feeling is mutual." 
 
 " Exactly so. It would be. And why does she always 
 bring that boy with her ? I thought Lord Annesley dis- 
 liked boys. I saw him give the lad a couple of pounds 
 yesterday. It was a generous tip." 
 
 " Oh ! David Stevan is his godchild, and named after 
 him. It is only natural he should give him a present 
 occasionally." 
 
 " Very natural. Oh ! these godsons," laughed Hilda, 
 almost hysterically. 
 
 "Hilda, you think the worst of every one," I said 
 reprovingly. 
 
 " Set a thief to catch a thief, Mollie," she replied. 
 
 But her hints had startled me, and I resolved that I 
 would, at least, satisfy myself that they were without 
 foundation. 
 
208 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 I AM MAEEIBD AGAIN. 
 
 The Baroness Stevan, whom Lord Aimesley had intro- 
 duced to me, was a woman of about forty years of age. 
 In appearance she was much as Hilda described her. 
 Her features were good, but her eyes and hair were 
 colourless, and she could not look you straight in the 
 face. Davie told me she was the widow of the Baron 
 Raymond Stevan, a college friend of his, whom he had 
 nursed through his last illness. 
 
 " She is very poor," he had said to me, " and so I want 
 you to be kind to her. She has depended so much on 
 my friendship and that of Adela since poor Raymond's 
 death that I should not like her to think she had lost it 
 now." 
 
 Of course I was ready to be hospitable to any friend 
 of his, but I did not like the baroness all the same. She 
 professed to admire me and everything I did, but that 
 fact did not advance her one whit in my favour. 
 
 I detest flattery from either sex, and have ever thought 
 more of deeds than words. 
 
 She was constantly alluding to the old days (when 
 Lord Annesley's name had even been unknown to me), 
 and her life-long friendship for him and his late wife. 
 She would recall certain scenes and places to him in my 
 presence, and once or twice when I saw him frown her 
 into silence it certainly struck me that the baroness did 
 talk occasionally as if she had been on more intimate 
 terms with Lord Annesley than he allowed. 
 
 One afternoon she was lounging about the cottage lawn 
 as usual, whilst her boy, who was a fine, tall, good-look- 
 ing lad of twelve, was knocking about the tennis balls to 
 amuse himself. The baroness had called my attention 
 several times to her son's actions, and I thought it was 
 a good opportunity to draw her out. 
 
THE NOBLES. SEX. 209 
 
 " He is certainly very tall and well buUt for his age," 
 I said. " Does lie take after his father, madame ?" 
 
 The baroness clasped her hands. 
 
 « The late baron ? Oh, dear, no. M. Mon Mari was a 
 very small man, and thin to a degree, with dark eyes 
 and hair." 
 
 " Indeed ? Then David does not appear to take after 
 either of his parents, for you are not tall, madame." 
 
 "Mais non," she replied, with a giggle, "isn't it 
 strange? He was only twelve years old last birthday, 
 and stands five foot three already. Some people say he's 
 so like his godpapa, but that's ridiculous. Now, dear 
 madame, do tell me. Do you see any likeness between 
 them?" 
 
 When my attention was directed to the fact in this 
 way I perceived that there was a very strong resem- 
 blance. 
 
 Young David Stevan had Lord Annesley's hair, and 
 eyes, and stature, and very much of his expression of 
 countenance, but I would not let his mother see that I 
 recognized the hkeness. 
 
 I looked her fuU in the face and answered : " Cer- 
 tainly not! Why should there be?" until she dropped 
 her eyes and said no more. But as soon as I found my- 
 self alone with Lord Annesley I put the question straight 
 to him. 
 
 "Davie," I said quietly, "has the Baroness Stevan 
 ever been more to you than a friend ? " 
 
 He laughed consciously, but uneasily. 
 
 "And so you've found that out already, Mollie," he 
 answered. " Well, you really are the most wonderful 
 woman I ever met. Nothing seems to escape you. But 
 you needn't trouble your head about it. It was aU over 
 years ago." 
 
 "For how many years ? " 
 
 " One, or two, or three," he said carelessly. " I really 
 can't remember." 
 
 " As soon as you met me ? " I suggested. 
 
 "Well, not long after, certainly." 
 
 " And for how long did the liaison last ? " 
 
 " Centuries, my dear girl. TUl I was sick to death of it 
 and her. She was my mistress for twelve years or more." 
 
 14 
 
210 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 " And that boy, then, is your son ? " 
 
 " I believe so. At all events she says so," he replied, as 
 he brushed his hair carefully before the glass ; " and that 
 is the reason I like you to be civil to her, MoUie. I know 
 that our little affair has been the cause of a great dis- 
 appointment to her. She quite thought (and I suppose 
 there is some excuse for it) that if I ever got free from 
 Adela I should marry her." 
 
 " And so you ought to have done," I rejoined quickly. 
 
 " Hullo ! That's a nice thing for you to say, MoUie. 
 However, I never had any such intention. I wouldn't 
 marry her if she were the only woman in the world. I 
 never gave her any reason to suppose she would ever be 
 more to me than my mistress." 
 
 " And yet," I said, angrily, " you dared to bring her 
 into my house — ^to ask her to sit down at the same table 
 with me, and to associate with me as a friend." 
 
 I believe it was the first angry word I ever spoke to 
 him, but I was shaking with indignation. 
 
 " And why not ? " he answered indifferently, " she's 
 just as good as you are." 
 
 He had lost his temper with me many times before, 
 but he had never given me a real, downright blow till 
 then. I knew he was correct, but I was staggered at his 
 telling me so. 
 
 And (morally speaking) the baroness was not as good 
 as I was. I had never eaten a husband's bread and de- 
 ceived him whilst I did so, nor had I ever taken a man 
 away from the woman to whom he owed his duty ; there- 
 fore I held myself higher than the Baroness Stevan, as I 
 do hold myself higher to this day than all those who lead 
 a life of deceit and fraud. 
 
 This disclosure made the first breach between David 
 Annesley and myself. I could not readily forget his want 
 of confidence in me, nor regulate my behavior to the 
 baroness so as to prevent her perceiving the change in my 
 feelings towards her. Her visits did not cease, but her 
 insolent bearing towards me became so marked that I 
 was obliged to resort to all sorts of expedients to prevent 
 a meeting between us. I had surmounted the pain of the 
 discovery, however, when I fell sick with inflammation 
 of the lungs, and my illness recjuired so much attention 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 211 
 
 that the doctor considered it necessary that I should have 
 the services of a professional nurse. In consequence l^e 
 brought to our house a young lady who was qualifying 
 herself for the profession under his instructions. She 
 was a pretty and refined girl, and I foimd her a great 
 comfort. She nursed me carefuUy during the dangerous 
 part of my illness, and whilst the doctor was continually 
 in the house, but as soon as I was convalescent, and the 
 weariness and weakness set in which render constant com- 
 panionship so invaluable, my lady nurse took to disap- 
 pearing from my sick-room for hours together, and leav- 
 ing me in want sometimes both of refreshment and 
 medicine. 
 
 I did not like to appear too exacting, or to complain 
 openly of her conduct, but one day, when I could sit up 
 again, my doctor surprised me by saying : " Well, Lady 
 Annesley, you are on the high road to recovery now, 
 and can do without your nurse, so I'm going to take her 
 away. I am afraid you have not been strict enough 
 with her. I find she has been too much with his lord- 
 ship and too little with you, and she'll get spoiled if she 
 remains here any longer. Your maid is quite competent 
 to take charge of you now." 
 
 My maid also proved competent during the remainder 
 of my convalescence to let out, little by little, all that had 
 been transpiring downstairs during my seclusion, even 
 to the fact of her having found the lady nurse sitting on 
 Lord Annesley's knee. She threw me into a perfect 
 fever of jealousy by her revelations, and I accused 
 my lover openly of want of consideration and incon- 
 stancy. 
 
 He denied the latter accusation altogether, and declared 
 he had never been so constant to any woman in his life 
 as he had been to me. 
 
 This assertion I could well believe, for he had of his 
 own free wiU placed the proofs of the infidelities of his 
 married life into my hands. 
 
 Some time previously he had brought me a tin case 
 filled with his wife's letters to him during the days of 
 their courtship and marriage, telling me to destroy them, 
 I asked his permission to read them first. This was not 
 from idle curiosity, but because it was a necessary part 
 
212 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 of my profession to study human nature, and what I had 
 heard of Lady Annesley's character puzzled me. Her 
 husband declared that he had loved her passionately and 
 devotedly for years, and that she had requited him with 
 the basest ingratitude — that she had been cold as ice to 
 him, whilst she allowed any one else to take the greatest 
 liberties with her. 
 
 Now the two accusations did not agree. 
 
 The Phrynes of the nineteenth century are not cold as 
 marble, even to their husbands, but (like my disorderly 
 acquaintance, HUda,) are ready to love everybody alike. 
 
 I had only met Lady Annesley on that single occasion, 
 and, phrenologically and physiognomically speaking, she 
 had not struck me as answering to her husband's descrip- 
 tion of her. She was rude and brusque in speech and 
 manner, and cold and hard iu disposition, but she did 
 not look like a woman who would throw herself into 
 anybody's arms for the mere sake of so doing. So I 
 opened the letters of my poor predecessor with some 
 curiosity to learn how I should find the two traits recon- 
 ciled in her character. 
 
 Alas, the riddle was not hard to read. The earlier 
 letters were full of love and admiration for her handsome 
 husband, and longing for the time of their reimion. Next 
 came a series of bitter reproaches for his infldeUties with 
 the Baroness Stevan and other women, of entreaties to 
 him to return to her, and then indifiEerence and coldness 
 — ^the "ice" of which he had complained to me. 
 
 There were no fond nicknames in those later letters, 
 no allusion to the past, nor longings for the future. 
 They were merely formal notes on business or demands 
 for money. My heart (still cleaving so closely to him 
 and so jealous for his honour, could read between the 
 lines but too well. 
 
 I had perused these letters during the days of my con- 
 valescence, and when the episode of the lady nurse 
 occurred, I reminded Lord Annesley of his former mis- 
 conduct and warned him not to repeat it. 
 
 " Be careful ! " I cried, " remember that I am a very 
 proud woman, and if you wound my pride you will kill 
 my love. I am ready to bear anything for you and with 
 you— shame, disgrace and humiliation— but I wiU not 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 213 
 
 bear infidelity. If you lower me before another woman in 
 that respect I will leave you." 
 
 "You cannot leave me," he replied. "I defy you to 
 to do so. You would ruin yourself for ever. Your only 
 chance of outliving this scandal is by marrying me." 
 
 " That fact would not deter me, Davie," I said. 
 "Better be free a thousand times than chained with 
 fetters of gold that gall you. I would rather hve alone 
 for evermore than share you with another woman. I 
 have warned you, remember. The day I find you have 
 deceived me, I shall leave you for ever." 
 
 But my spirit of independence had raised Annesley's 
 worst passions, and a scene of abuse and blasphemy 
 followed my declaration, such as I had never witnessed 
 in my hfe before. 
 
 William Stopford's petty tyranny and unmanly treat- 
 ment sank into insignificance and became child's play 
 compared to this. 
 
 No one had ever sworn at me nor called me by a filthy 
 name, and I shrank aghast from the tempest I had raised. 
 My divorce suit was by this time nearly completed. 
 The decree nisi had been pronounced some months be- 
 fore, and the period for making it absolute was close at 
 hand. In a few weeks Lord Annesley and I expected to 
 be legally man and wife. 
 
 But I felt now as if it would be an impossibility — as if 
 I would brave anything sooner than be irrevocably tied 
 to such a madman, and especially as he had assured me, 
 in his rage, that he had always cared a great deal more 
 for his late wife than he did for me — ^that she was his 
 first love and I was only a woman who had thrown her- 
 self into his arms — ^that she was worth a thousand of me, 
 notwithstanding her little weaknesses, and he would 
 take her back to-morrow if he could. 
 
 Paralysed with horror and fear, I left Teddiagton the 
 next morning and rushing to Hilda Leopold with my 
 story expressed my determination never to marry David 
 Annesley. 
 
 " I cannot ! I will not," I gasped. " I am afraid of him. 
 I believe he is mad." 
 
 I fancied that Hilda looked annoyed at my seeking 
 her in her own house. 
 
214 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 She expressed great surprise at seeing me there and 
 locked the door carefully, lest any one should interrupt 
 our conference. 
 
 " You mustn't mind, MoUie," she said apologetically, 
 " but Mr. Leopold is (as you know) so very particular." 
 
 " But, Hilda ! "What shall I do ? I cannot marry 
 Lord Annesley. He has frightened me to death." 
 
 " My dear friend," she replied, " it is nothing new. I 
 could have foretold it from the beginning. The man has 
 an ungovernable temper, and he inflames it with stimu- 
 lants. Lord Annesley may blame his late wife as much 
 as he likes, but if any one taught the poor woman to 
 drink it was himself. You must try and not irritate 
 nim, and make the best of a bad bargain. But it would 
 be more than foolish not to marry him after all this 
 scandal — ^in fact it would be very wrong. The only repa- 
 ration you can make your child is to live a respectable 
 life for the future. Mta may come back to you yet, re- 
 member. But if you refuse to marry Lord Annesley, 
 you will render it impossible." 
 
 She spoke seriously and yet so sensibly that I could 
 not contradict her. 
 
 " Besides," she added, " what good would it be your leav- 
 ing him ? You are so fond of him, that you would be miser- 
 able apart, and crying to go back in a week. No, Mollie, 
 be sensible. You have gone too far to retract. Drop the 
 subject of his former amours, and you'll get on all right 
 for the future." 
 
 She soothed me as a mother might have done her child, 
 and after a while I acquiesced in the wisdom of her ad- 
 vice. 
 
 But I did so with a heavy heart. 
 
 In one particular Hilda was right. I did love David 
 Annesley dearly. 
 
 Whether it was some subtle animal magnetism which 
 he exercised over me or not, I do not know, but I 
 was always restless and unhappy out of his presence, 
 and longing to fly back to his passionate embraces and 
 exaggerated expressions of attachment. When 1 returned 
 to the cottage on that occasion Lord Annesley was 
 out, but I found a letter from him pinned upon my pin- 
 cushion. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 215 
 
 A deeply repentant letter, full of prayers for my for- 
 giveness and blotted with his tears (he was a man who, 
 notwithstanding his physical strength, cried as easily as 
 a woman), and so a reconciliation was effected between 
 us, and I sat down to await my wedding, which took 
 place three weeks afterwards. 
 
 We were married as quietly as possible at a registrar's 
 office. It was a dismal business. There was not afriend 
 of the family on either side to wish us joy. 
 
 We crept into the office like two guUty creatures ( as 
 we were), and went through the ceremony which made 
 us legally one, but exacted no oaths of love or fidelity 
 from us for the future. 
 
 As we were walking home together Lord Annesley 
 drew my arm through liis own. 
 
 " There's no going back now, MoUie," he said fondly, 
 " we're tied together for life, and you must make the best 
 of me." 
 
 " I suppose it is fate," I answered with a smile, that 
 was half a sigh, " and we love each other very dearly, 
 Davie. Thank God for that." 
 
 We were strolling back upon the river path and the 
 words were scarcely out of my mouth, before we came in 
 contact with a man walking the opposite way. 
 
 " Who can that be ? " I exclaimed as he passed us 
 slowly. " I'm sure I've seen his face before." 
 
 " One of the tradesmen probably," said Lord Annes- 
 ley. 
 
 " No ! no ! It is coming back to me now. That is a 
 man I met years ago — ^before I had ever seen you — who 
 prophesied this very day." 
 
 In a moment it had all flashed back upon my memory. 
 The clairvoyant whom I had called on in the interest of 
 the newspapers, and what he had told me of my second 
 marriage. The scattered home — the confusion and the 
 trouble, and yet — the death of my first husband nowhere 
 to be seen. 
 
 How wonderfully it had all come to pass, and yet how 
 little I had dreamt then that it would be fulfilled through 
 divorce and disgrace. 
 
 The words knocked like two little hammers on my 
 heart, and I burst into tears. 
 
216 THE NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 " Why, Mollie, MoUie, what's the matter ? This is not 
 very flattering to me," remarked my husband. 
 
 "Oh! Davie, forgive me. I would not undo it if I 
 could ! But it is a little sad, dear ! without your friends 
 or mine." 
 
 " Oh ! bother the friends ! I've been thinking the best 
 part of it was getting rid of them. Mine have never 
 been much good to me, and I don't think yours have 
 either. But they'll come round in time, Mollie. You 
 needn't fear that. They'll be glad enough to forget the 
 past now that you are Lady Annesley." 
 
 I was not so sure of it as Davie seemed to be, but I 
 tried to smile and be cheerful in return, though I entered 
 on my second married life with a heart full of distrust 
 and fear. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. £17 
 
 CHAPTEK XXVI. 
 
 1 AM BBTEAYED. 
 
 My marriage did not make mucli difference in my posi- 
 tion, except that a good many people now came to see me 
 openly who had formerly slunk into the house under 
 cover of night. My true friends had not ceased to regard 
 nor feel for me, and they were the only ones for whom I 
 cared. My sister Charlotte and her good husband (who 
 lived too far off to be personally affected by my mis- 
 doings) had never dropped their correspondence with me, 
 and were luif eignedly happy when they heard that I was 
 safely married. Letty, too, who had always remained 
 my favourite sister, expressed her deUght at being able 
 to visit me once more without outraging the propriety of 
 Elinor, who had become so highly respectable since her 
 marriage with the Squire of Saxmundham, that she 
 would have nothing to do with me whatever. She and 
 Annie perfectly agreed on this point, but Annie and I 
 had had no correspondence for years past, and so her de- 
 falcation made no difference to me. In fact the attitude 
 my friends assumed troubled me very little. 
 
 I had more serious matters to think of. 
 
 I had found on adding up the household accounts, that 
 the expenditure during the first twelve months of my 
 new life amounted to at least four times what it should 
 have been — ^the wine and spirit merchant's bill alone 
 amounting to as much as I had been used to spend in a 
 year. Lord Annesley had had the money in his own 
 hands, and spent it as he chose, and on inquiry I found 
 that the sum he had so faithfully promised should be 
 reserved for my child's possible need, had also been 
 swallowed up in the general vortex. This discovery 
 alarmed as well as annoyed me. If my earnings vanished 
 as quickly as this I should never be able to keep pace 
 with my husband's extravagance. I had not been writ- 
 
218 THE NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 ing so well or so fast either during the past year. The 
 novelty and anxiety and pain attendant on my position 
 had dulled my powers of imagiaation and cramped my 
 energy. 
 
 I proposed to take the housekeepmg into my own hands, 
 but was met with an indignant refusal. Lord Annesley 
 would have all or none. He held me in his power and he 
 meant to make use of it. 
 
 I then proposed that, since the boys had left us for 
 Germany (and their father had made strict arrangements 
 that the poor little fellows should have no vacation), we 
 should move into less expensive quarters. The Tedding- 
 ton cottage did not involve much outlay as to rent, but 
 the garden entailed a gardener, whilst my business took 
 me constantly to town, and Lord Aimesley spent every 
 afternoon at his club. 
 
 A small house, or flat in London, would therefore, I 
 thought, prove less expensive for us. 
 
 This idea met with more approval, and introduced me 
 to a new phase of my husband's character that after- 
 wards I knew but too well. He was a man of the most 
 obstinate will, and hard to move in any direction — a wiU 
 that refused to listen to reason or argument — ^but that 
 would suddenly veer roimd when all hope seemed over, 
 and swing inexactly the opposite direction. Thus, when 
 I first started the idea of a smaller house in London, he 
 opposed it in every possible way. 
 
 The house we lived in was not too expensive — ^it would 
 be impossible to find a cheaper one, the furniture would 
 be too much for it — and if the furniture were not too 
 much, where should he put his boys, and where should I 
 put Mta, if they all came home together. 
 
 It was useless to represent to him that he had made 
 arrangements for his sons to remain in Germany until 
 they were ready to pass into an English college, or that 
 the return of Nita to our home was sadly improbable. 
 He raised all sorts of silly and frivolous objections to the 
 plan, till, in despair of making him see it with my eyes, 
 I dropped the subject. 
 
 But one day Lord Annesley returned home, broadly 
 snuling, to inform me with a kiss that he had seen the 
 very house to suit us, in the most charming situation, 
 
THE NOBLES. SEX. 219 
 
 and, in fact, he had been so taken with it that he had 
 already interviewed the agent, and signed a lease for 
 three years. 
 
 For those who liked bustle and noise it certainly was 
 delightfully situated, being close to Hyde Park, but it 
 proved, on inspection, to be a large house terribly out of 
 repair, that would require double the number of servants 
 we had hitherto employed to keep it in order, and the 
 rent and taxes came to exactly twice the amount we were 
 paying at Teddington. It was useless to say anything, 
 because the deed was done, but Lord Annesley guessed 
 from my face what I thought of his bargain. 
 
 " But think," he said in justification of himself, " how 
 easy it will be to let it if we want to go abroad, and how 
 convenient for the theatres. It is only a shilling fare 
 from everywhere. And I can walk to my club in ten 
 minutes." 
 
 So, after a while, we moved into the convenient house, 
 and I soon found that larger rooms meant larger parties 
 and larger suppers and larger expenses in every way. 
 
 The friends who had not considered it worth their 
 while to travel down to Teddington to visit us, now 
 flocked in nightly to lounge about my drawing-room, or 
 drink brandies and sodas in my husband's smoking- 
 room. 
 
 As for letting our white elephant, that was out of the 
 question. 
 
 "When people would have taken it Lord Annesley 
 wished to remain in town for the season, and when I 
 required change after my sedentary occupation, to the 
 seaside, or he wanted me to go abroad with him, London 
 was empty and the houses being given away. 
 
 So, for the convenience of my husband being able to 
 walk down to his club instead of going by train, I had 
 to work harder than ever in an atmosphere that was not 
 half so good for me, and the household near Hyde Park, 
 with the boys' school bills to pay into the bargain, was 
 twice as expensive to keep up as the one at Teddington 
 had been. How often I regretted that I had ever put 
 the idea of changing it into his head. Perhaps my 
 readers may be surprised to find that in mentioning the 
 friends who gathered round me on my d&but in the world 
 
220 THE NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 as Lady Aimesley, I have omitted the names of Hilda 
 and Clarice, who had been so intimate with me in the 
 bygone days. Hilda, especially, who had visited me so 
 frequently at Teddington — who was as lax in her own 
 principles, and who owed so much to me for friendly 
 assistance in retaining her position in society — she, of all 
 others, was surely the first to hasten to congratulate me 
 on having lived down at least a modicum of my disgrace. 
 No ! she was not. Hilda seemed to have vanished from 
 my list of acquaintances. I wrote and invited her to 
 visit me, but she had always some plausible excuse for 
 refusing the invitation, and she told our mutual ac- 
 quaintances that personally she could never cease to 
 like me, but Mr. Leopold was so very particular he would 
 not hear of her calling at the house. She could sneak over 
 to see me at Teddington when no one knew of her 
 escapades, but she was not brave enough to take my 
 hand before the world lest it should condemn the action. 
 Clarice came to my house on several occasions. She 
 retained her wonderful faculty for " scenting out " a 
 party, and often made her appearance whether invited 
 or not — so often, indeed that Lord Annesley would 
 remonstrate with me on letting " the old hag " (as he 
 called her) in. But poor Clarice was neither clever nor 
 handsome, and had arrived at an age when no one 
 seemed to want her, and so I had not the heart to close 
 my doors against her. 
 
 But after a while I could not help observing that 
 Clarice never asked my husband and myself to her 
 house in return, and that when I called on her I was 
 usually shown into a back room until the servant had 
 ascertained if her mistress had company with her or not. 
 This was an indignity I had no inclination for enduring, 
 and very soon our acquaintance was carried on from her 
 side alone. 
 
 But we had plenty of new friends, and before long 
 Lord Annesley's manner with some of our lady visitors 
 made me feel very uneasy again, whilst the money 
 question weighed heavier and heavier upon my mind. 
 Amongst the women who most frequently appeared at 
 my receptions was one of the name of Callender. 
 
 She was not an attractive person, in my idea, but 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 221 
 
 perhaps I was prejudiced. She was not young, and she 
 was all bones and brown skin and false teeth. But she 
 was very sharp and clever, and had a pair of sparkling 
 black eyes. She could talk fast and brightly by the 
 hour, and was full of wit and repartee. I used to be 
 caUed a witty woman in my youthful, days, but I was 
 " nowhere " beside Mrs. Callender, whose tongue was 
 as sharp as a needle. She was separated from her 
 husband, and lived a stone's throw from us. 
 
 I noticed that Lord Annesley laughed and talked and 
 whispered a good deal with this lady, and always 
 mentioned her to me as being the very best of company. 
 But that was not the sort of thing to make me jealous. 
 There is too little liberty, as a rule, in married life. 
 There is too much espionage carried on by both husband 
 and wife over each other's friendships and actions, until, 
 fearful of being misconstrued, they fall solely on each 
 other for company, and quarrel from too great a strain 
 being put upon their mental powers. 
 
 I had recognized that my husband was a man who 
 needed amusement because he had so few resources in 
 himself, and I had entered into a compact with my heart 
 to believe nothing wrong until I had proved it to be so. 
 
 I saw also that Lord Annesley had been so used to 
 female admiration that he could not live without it. He 
 liked to be told that he was tall and handsome and a 
 splendid figure, and that very few men were his equal. 
 I did not admire Mrs. Callender, nevertheless, and though 
 she was continually at my house, I very seldom called 
 at hers. 
 
 One afternoon, however, when I believed my husband 
 to be at his club, I set out to pay a long-deferred visit to 
 Mrs. Callender. It was not the lady's usual day for 
 receiving her friends, but I thought I would take my 
 chance of finding her at home. On the servant opening 
 the door to me, however, instead of announcing me as 
 usual, she merely smiled and said, "In the drawing- 
 room, if you please, my lady," and left me to find my 
 way upstairs by myself. 
 
 I thought it strange, but it was of little consequence, 
 and I ascended the staircase slowly (and doubtless noise- 
 lessly) and walked straight in. 
 
222 THU NOBLER SEX. 
 
 What was my amazement to find my husband lying 
 full length on the sofa, whilst Mrs. Callender sat beside 
 him with her hand clasped in his. 
 
 As soon as she caught sight of me she rose to her feet, 
 and, with a very red face, came forward to welcome me. 
 
 " Oh, my dear Lady Annesley, " she exclaimed, " this 
 is a pleasure ! " 
 
 " An unexpected one, apparently," I replied, drawing 
 back. " You must pardon the intrusion. I see I am de 
 trop. I will return home again." 
 
 At this Lord Annesley left the sofa and began stam- 
 mering out some excuse of having been taken ill whilst 
 at his club, and turned in to Mrs. Callender's to rest 
 himself. 
 
 " Oh ! yes," she acquiesced, " his lordship has been so ill. 
 You would have been quite alarmed. Lady Annesley. I 
 thought it so considerate and friendly of him to make 
 use of my house. And it was all my fault. I persuaded 
 him to stay here till he was better. He would have 
 gone straight home, if I hadn't almost forced him to 
 remaiii. And now you will stop too and have a cup of 
 tea with us, won't you?" 
 
 " No ! thank you," I replied coldly. " I am going 
 home, and you can keep Lord Annesley as long as you 
 like — altogether, if it pleases you ! " 
 
 " What the d ^1 do you mean ? " exclaimed my hus- 
 band, as he seized his hat. " Of course it you are going 
 home, I shall accompany you." 
 
 Mrs. Callender continued tearfully to entreat us not to 
 be angry with each other, and to stay and have tea with 
 her before we left. But I was firm in insisting upon 
 leaving the house, for I had seen the woman's face laid 
 against that of my husband as I entered the room, and 
 knew that they were both lying. Davie walked by my 
 side in angry silence and we reached our own house 
 together. Letty was then staying Avith me. She had 
 insisted, notwithstanding aU Elinor's entreaties and 
 warnings, on paying me a visit, and I was only too 
 pleased to have her with me. 
 
 On this occasion, I passed my husband in the haU, and 
 walked up to my boudoir where my sister sat at work. 
 We were conversing on ordinary topics — I trying hard 
 
TSE NOBLER SEX. 223 
 
 meanwhile, to conceal all traces of the emotion I had 
 passed through — when Lord Annesley entered the room. 
 I was surprised at his intrusion, but still more so, when 
 I heard him commence to give Letty an account of the 
 adventures of the afternoon and the part I had taken in 
 them. 
 
 I defended my conduct naturally, and told him what 
 I thought of his behaviour, and that of Mrs. Callender. 
 He grew furious and lost all control of himself and all 
 sense of honour (if he had any to lose). 
 
 " You're a nice person," he exclaimed, " to find fault 
 with me, or any one. You threw yourself into my arms, 
 if ever a woman did. And I was not the first either, 
 and you knew it. What about your Brazilian lover, Mr. 
 Gervase Lawson ! " 
 
 I stood before him, dumfounded ^nd aghast. Gervase 
 Lawson's name was still a sacred on3 to me. Surely — 
 surely he could never be so base and dishonourable as to 
 expose me before my younger .sister. 
 
 " No ! no ! Davie," I exclaimed. '■ I forbid you to say 
 another word. You promised me faithfully to keep my 
 secret. You shall not repeat it before Letty." 
 
 " I shall do as I choose," he replied. " I'm not going 
 to be accused of things I've never done, for nothing. 
 You come and make a disgraceful scene in another 
 woman's house, incriminate her and make me look like a 
 fool, and I'm to keep my mouth for ever closed about 
 you. You are to pose as a saint, I suppose, and I am to 
 be gibbeted as the sinner. Tit-for-tat, Lady Annesley. 
 As you make my faults public, so will I yours." 
 
 And thereupon he blurted out the story of that saddest 
 portion of my life, as coarsely as his coarse nature could 
 interpret it, whilst he sneered and pointed at me with 
 his finger to emphasize his words. 
 
 Desperation lent me courage. I raised my voice above 
 his. Letty was gazing at me with eyes full of pitiful 
 surprise and horror. I could not bear to sink any lower 
 in her estimation than I had already done ; and since 
 she was destined to hear this story of my early love, I 
 was determined I would tell it her myself. 
 
224 THU NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVn. 
 
 I GO OX THE STAGE. 
 
 I PASSED my arm around Letty's waist and she clung t« 
 me as though she would save me from him and myself. 
 
 " My dearest sister," I said in a broken voice, " it is 
 true. Years ago I loved Gervase Lawson, and I love him 
 still," I added, with a defiant glance at my tormentor. 
 " My love for him is too pure and steadfast to be affected 
 by any outward changes the world may bring me. But 
 there never was any siu between us, Letty, and they 
 who would try and make you believe so, are simply pro- 
 pagating a cowardly falsehood. I loved him, but I gave 
 him up because 1 could not find it in my heart to desert 
 my cMd. And I was weak and foolish enough to teU 
 Lord Annesley the story, on a strict promise of secrecy, 
 because I fancied that I owed it to him. And this is how 
 he has requited me." 
 
 I hung my head with shame. I felt so humiliated, and 
 I was so afraid Letty would believe him and not me. 
 But she threw both her arms around my neck, and 
 kissed my cold cheek several times, before she turned to 
 Lord Annesley and exclaimed, " I despise you, sir. You 
 are a falsehood teller and a coward." 
 
 At these words my husband drew back, white and 
 trembling with rage and excitement. But he did not 
 refute my sister's accusation. He only glared at her, as 
 though he would have liked to kUl her, and then turned 
 on his heel and went downstairs, leaving me to weep 
 with Letty alone. 
 
 But that scene taught me that I need have no further 
 consideration for Lord Annesley's feelings. He was false 
 to me all round. I could never place any confidence in 
 what he said, or did again — still, I would be true to my- 
 self and what I considered right to be done. 
 
 I had received an excellent offer a short time pre- 
 viously, to go upon the stage. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 225 
 
 I was still young, and " made up " well, and my pro- 
 clivities for the drama had not deserted me. But my 
 husband had opposed the idea. He would never consent 
 (he said) to " Lady Annesley " appearing in public. 
 When he had married me (which he constantly reminded 
 me that, if he had not been a man of the strictest honour, 
 he never should have done) he considered it a sine qud 
 non, that I abandoned all thoughts of earning money, ex- 
 cept by literature. What he considered, however, was no 
 longer a motive power with me. He had wounded my 
 vanity and disappointed my hopes so mercilessly, that he 
 was no longer entitled to be consulted as to my actions. 
 
 I sought out the manager who had made me the offer 
 (which was to play the leading part in a melodrama on 
 tour) and accepted it, without even asking Lord Annes- 
 ley's consent. When I told him of my determination, he 
 stormed and raved as usual and said I was dragging his 
 family name in the dirt. 
 
 " I have no intention of using your name," I replied. 
 " I shaU appear as Mary Malmaison. But I hardly think 
 that anything I could do, Davie, would drag it more in 
 the dirt than you have done." 
 
 For I had found out not long before, that the reason 
 neither his father nor mother, nor any of his relations 
 noticed my husband, was because of his habits of drink- 
 ing and the disgraceful liaisons he had carried on during 
 his former married life. 
 
 I continued, " I have quite made up my mind on this 
 subject and nothing that you can say will alter it. I am 
 doing it with the hope of making up the nest egg for 
 Nita, which you have unjustifiably wasted. I shall not 
 deprive you in consequence of anything you have a right 
 to expect from me. I shall go on writing as usual and 
 give you the proceeds of my work. But I shall lay by my 
 theatrical earnings for the benefit of my child." 
 
 " But what then," he enquired, with an oath, « is to 
 become of me ? " 
 
 " That is for you to decide, Davie. You can come on 
 tour with me if you like, or you can remain at home, but 
 the fact is, one of us must make money, and if you carCt, 
 or wonH, why it must be me, and it is of no use grum- 
 bling over the means by which it is acquired," 
 
 15 
 
226 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 Lord Annesley's answer was, that if I expected Mm to 
 knock about the provinces with a set of cads, I was jolly 
 well mistaken — that he should remain in town as long as 
 it suited him and then stay with friends in the country — 
 and as for myself I might go to the devil as fast as I 
 liked. 
 
 Not a word of regret for his own misconduct — ^not a 
 word of encouragement for the efforts I made to support 
 us both and pay for the education of his sons. Only un- 
 kindness and abuse and a grasping hand to take every- 
 thing from me that was offered him. Oh ! I was so tired 
 and sick of it aU. I breathed more freely, as the train 
 carried me away from town. 
 
 I was more successful on the stage than I had hoped 
 to be. The art of imitation seemed to come naturally to 
 me. I made friends with all the company — and became 
 quite content in my new occupation, hardly recognizing 
 (as yet) that my peace of mind arose from the absence of 
 Lord Annesley. 
 
 But to absence was soon added silence. The first few 
 weeks that we were separated, he kept on continually 
 urging me to pay my salary into his banking account, or 
 I was sure to be robbed if I carried about so large an 
 amount in gold. For some time I took no notice of his 
 request, but at last I wrote back, " I am quite competent, 
 thanks, to look after my own interests. I have taken 
 good care I shall not be robbed. I told you my only rea- 
 son for taken up this work was to accumulate another 
 little fund for Mta, and I am pajdng all my savings iuto 
 a bank in her name." 
 
 After this information Lord Annesley's letters to me 
 entirely ceased. My friends sent me occasional news of 
 him, by which he seemed to be quite well and happy, but 
 from himself I heard nothing. At last I grew uneasy. 
 Absence was making my heart tender towards him again, 
 and when the company arrived within a reasonable dis- 
 tance of town, I felt I could bear the suspense no longer. 
 It was a Sunday morning. 
 
 I rose at five and walked to the railway station, with- 
 out having had so much as a cup of tea. My husband 
 was then in London, which I reached about ten o'olock. 
 The servant who opened the door of my house said that 
 
TBE r^OBLEB SEX. 227 
 
 his lordship had not yet left his dressing-room. I hurried 
 upstairs and entered without knocking. 
 
 " Davie," I exclaimed eagerly, " what is the matter ? 
 Why have I not heard from you ? You have made me so 
 anxious ! " 
 
 He was standing in the middle of the room as I entered 
 and he glared at me stonily for a few seconds, as if he did 
 not know who I was. Then his countenance changed, 
 and suddenly seizing a life preserver which lay on his 
 dressing-table, he advanced upon me with it In his up- 
 lifted hand. 
 
 " Good God! " I cried, grasping his arm, "what would 
 you do?" 
 
 He stared at me for a moment and then dropping his 
 weapon, he flung himself headlong on the carpet and 
 burst into tears. I am afraid I shall run the risk of being 
 thought very hard-hearted, when I say that I have not 
 much sympathy with men who cry. I do not mean that 
 I have not seen the tears rise into men's eyes on occa- 
 sions, when I could have worshipped them for showing 
 their emotion. 
 
 But they were not like Lord Annesley's tears that 
 came in stormy gusts of passion, and only betokened 
 temper or chagrin. 
 
 To watch a man weep without difficulty — ^to hear him 
 sob and blubber like a woman — and see him wipe his 
 streaming eyes with a handkerchief, and walk away 
 with an inflamed face and swollen nose, is to me a con- 
 temptible sight, which commands my ridicule, instead 
 of my sympathy. 
 
 On the present occasion, however. Lord Annesley 
 alarmed me. I thought he must be out of his senses, and 
 flying downstairs again I haUed a cab and drove off at 
 once to the medical man who usually attended us. 
 " Doctor," I said, when I had related the above circum- 
 stances to him, " you have seen my husband lately. Tell 
 me the truth. What is the matter with him ? " 
 
 Dr. Bodwell stroked his chin and tried to look very 
 sapient. 
 
 " Well, organically, my dear Lady Annesley, organically 
 there is nothing the matter with him. He imagines he 
 has an internal disease, but it is all fancy. An hysterical 
 
228 TEE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 condition, that causes delusion. At the same time I 
 daresay, real enough to him" 
 
 '" You mean," I replied with horror, " that he is mad?" 
 
 " Well ! No ! No ! — not quite so bad as that — still 
 there are moments when he is doubtless insane. Such 
 moments, ia fact, as you have described to me. But I 
 couldn't sign a certificate of lunacy for him — far from it. 
 Many men, who walk about London to-day, are just as 
 mad. My best advice to you, Lady Annesley, is, don't 
 irritate him. Take him about with you. Soothe him. 
 Let him see plenty of life, and don't irritate him." 
 
 I returned home full of compassion for my unfortunate 
 husband and blame of myself. It had been my fault, 
 evidently, from beginniag to end. I was unaware of his 
 condition. I had considered him a healthy, responsible 
 man. But he was not responsible. All his vagaries 
 were doubtless due to that cause. I must be far more 
 sympathetic and patient with him, and I must ( on no 
 account ) leave him alone. Simdry fearful remembrances 
 of how, when he announced his intention of divorcing 
 his first wife, her father declared he would prove him to 
 be a gambler, a drunkard, and an adulterer, and unfit for 
 the society of women, fiashed through my mind, but I 
 would not let them influence me now. 
 
 Davie was m,ine. I had loved him very dearly once, 
 though sundry circumstances had tended to weaken my 
 love, but if they had occurred through the agency of a 
 diseased brain, it was still strong enough to pity and to 
 pardon them. 
 
 I sought his presence at once, and exercised aU the 
 tenderness of which I was capable, in order to make Idm 
 forget the temporary rupture which had occurred between 
 us, and succeeded in persuading him to pack his port- 
 manteau and return with me, when I rejoined my com- 
 pany. 
 
 As soon as this matter was decided. Lord Annesley 
 completely changed his manner and became as light- 
 hearted and buoyant as a boy, playing all kinds of mis- 
 chievous and silly tricks on me, which might have been 
 very laughable, except for the recollection of the sad 
 scene which had preceded them, but which he appeared 
 to have totally forgotten. This was his custom through- 
 
TBE NOBLJER SEX. 229 
 
 out life. He wounded others sorely, and then, because 
 he did not feel the hurt himself, he wondered they re- 
 membered they were bleeding. The company I belonged 
 to was visiting a succession of seaside towns, and as it 
 was summer weather, travelling was pleasant work. 
 
 Each week we arrived at a fresh place, and found fresh 
 scenes of interest to become acquainted with. The mem- 
 bers of the company (amongst which were several attrac- 
 tive young women) made constant excursions by sea and 
 land, in which I was unable to join on account of my 
 literary work confining me to the house for the greater 
 part of the day. 
 
 But it would have been unreasonable for me to object 
 to Lord Annesley accompanying them, and indeed I was 
 glad that he should have so much enjoyment and dis- 
 traction from his unfortunate condition of mind. The 
 girls were glad enough to have him with them. They 
 were proud of him as an escort, his title and position, as 
 well as his good looks, causing him to gain much favour 
 in their eyes. As my husband also he gained admission 
 behind the scenes of the theatre, and presented himself 
 there each night, frequently talking and laughing so 
 loudly at the wings as to make me uncomfortable, and 
 call down the censure of the stage-manager. 
 
 One night as I was standing at the wings waiting for 
 my cue, I heard two men talking together about him. 
 They were strangers to me, being casual visitors to the 
 theatre, and they were standing on the opposite side of a 
 piece of the scenery that completely hid me from their 
 view. 
 
 " Do you see that cad Annesley is here," said one to 
 the other, " dancing attendance on Kose Nugent. He 
 can't leave a woman alone. I wonder what his wife 
 thmks of it." 
 
 " Poor woman," replied his companion in a tone of com- 
 passion, " I suppose she's used to it by this time. He 
 only married her because she can make money, and they 
 say he's worked her like a horse ever since." 
 
 « Drunken brute," said the first speaker, contemptu- 
 ously. " He'll never keep himself whilst he can get a 
 woman to keep him." 
 
 I stood there biting my lips and listening to every 
 
230 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 bitter truth they uttered, and when I walked upon the 
 stage the footlights swum in a watery mist before my 
 eyes. So that was how men spoke of him ! 
 
 After this I was hardly surprised, when, some weeks 
 having elapsed, the acting-manager asked to speak to me 
 alone. 
 
 " Does Lord Annesley intend to travel with the com- 
 pany much longer ? " he commenced by enquiring, and I 
 told him that I did not know, but that change had been 
 recommended for him by the doctor. 
 
 " Well, I regret to have to say anything that may sound 
 disagreeable," he continued, "and we should be more 
 than sorry to lose you, Miss Malmaison ; but if yo,ur hus- 
 band intends to remain with you, you must caution him 
 with regard to his conduct. Our company has been 
 noted hitherto for its respectability and quiet behaviour, 
 but Lord Annesley is sufficient to destroy the character 
 of a dozen companies. I am afraid I shall hurt your 
 feelings by saying so, but if he continues to show him- 
 self in public with our yoimg ladies, he, or they, must 
 leave. He makes them so conspicuous that it has been 
 remarked upon, and I can't stand it any longer." 
 
 I was aware that there was a strong flirtation (to put 
 it mildly) between Lord Annesley and Rose Nugent, who 
 was a little, round, dimpled woman, with a somewhat 
 attractive face, but this was the ftrst mention I had 
 heard of the other girls. 
 
 I flushed uneasily luider the manager's caution, and 
 told him I would certainly advise Lord Annesley to re- 
 turn to London till I could rejoin him. 
 
 " I see I have annoyed you. Miss Malmaison," he said, 
 "though I couldn't help it. But in the name of heaven, 
 what made you marry such a man ? " 
 
 It was a question I had often asked myself, but it was 
 of no use searching for the answer, nor crying over spilt 
 milk. 
 
 But I did not dare to tell Lord Annesley the truth. I 
 dreaded the lengths to which his irascible temper might 
 lead him, if I attempted to check his pastime. 
 
 I had seen him before then, seize a cabman by the coat 
 collar and hurl him right across the road for demanding 
 his fare, and kick a tradesman's assistant out of the haE 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 231 
 
 door for waiting for his master's money, as he had been 
 instructed to do. 
 
 I had grave reason, therefore, to dread a quarrel be- 
 tween him and the manager, and so, as the company 
 were about to cross to Ireland, I represented the discom- 
 forts of travelling in that country in such exaggerated 
 terms to him, that he became quite wUluig to leave his 
 inamorata and all the lesser lights, and let me resign my 
 engagement, in order to return to London with him. 
 
 Of course it was a loss to me — so palpable a loss, that 
 even Lord Annesley saw the folly of attempting to keep 
 up our present establishment on my literary earnings 
 and his uncertain income, which was chiefly accumulated 
 at the gaming table. I had made but little of the sum I 
 wanted to put by for Nita, and Ralph and George Annes- 
 ley were growing too old for the German school, and 
 would soon require to be transferred to some educational 
 establishment, where they would learn more and cost 
 more. 
 
 It had become, therefore, almost a necessity that we 
 should put our present abode into the agents' hands, and 
 look out for some smaller and cheaper residence. 
 
 With this end in view, and in order to try and keep 
 my weak-minded husband out of further mischief, I bade 
 adieu with much regret to the members of my company, 
 and returned with him to London. 
 
232 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVm. 
 
 I MEET MT RELATIONS. 
 
 There was a house to let on the terrace where I lived 
 when I had the misfortune to meet Lord Annesley, and I 
 proposed that we should take it. It was small, but con- 
 venient, and charmingly situated, close to one of our best 
 parks, added to which the rent was low. Of course Davie 
 had a thousand objections to make to the plan. Some of 
 them were reasonable, however, or would have seemed 
 so to one who cared more for the opinion of the world 
 than I did. 
 
 He thought I might encounter some unpleasantness by 
 returning to the place where I had lived before I knew 
 him. But by this time I had reached such a state of de- 
 fiance, that I cared for nothing. 
 
 Hilda had deserted me. She had proved as untrue as 
 her sex generally do, to a sister in trouble. She could 
 carry on her own secret liaisons, and live a life of shame 
 and falsehood and dishonour. She could visit me whilst 
 I remained at Teddington, because Mr. Leopold knew 
 nothing of it, and she could drag her lovers after her 
 with impunity. But she could not take my hand before 
 the world — my hand, which (notwithstanding the Di- 
 vorce Court^ she knew to be much cleaner than her own, 
 and I despised and spurned her for it as I would have 
 spumed a reptile. Clarice continued to visit me, but it 
 was palpably for her oaati convenience, and because of 
 the advantages she derived from my hospitality. Both of 
 these pseudo friends of mine were beneath my contempt. 
 There was no need for me further to consider them, and 
 for the remainder of the residents on the terrace, what 
 should I care if they talked scandal of me, or not? They 
 were bound to do it, under any circumstances. 
 
 " Be thou pure as ice — chaste as snow, thou shalt not 
 escape calumny." 
 
 I knew the world now, all round, and through and 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 233 
 
 through, and was perfectly aware that if I gave good 
 dinners and pleasant suppers it would flock to eat of my 
 bread and drink of my cup, were I the vilest of the vile. 
 
 Had I not seen it done, over and over again? Do I 
 not see it, to this very day, when women, who are not fit 
 to touch the hem of my garment, exclude me from their 
 visiting list — women who are drunkards and liars and 
 universal lovers — who, though in possession of ample 
 money for their need, sell themselves to the first comer 
 who brings a ring, or a bracelet, or a necklace in his hand 
 — women who, though they live under the same roof as 
 their husbands, and bear their children, are false to them 
 as hell ? These words sound harsh, perhaps, but all the 
 world knows they are true. Such women as these, if in 
 affluent circumstances, and cunning enough to keep their 
 own secrets, hold their heads high, and have their rooms 
 filled, simply bedause their command of money floats 
 them over barriers, which intellect, pur et simple, cannot 
 surmount. I had committed the one great, unpardon- 
 able sin of Society. I had been found out, or rather, I 
 had been too proud from the begioning, to make any 
 concealment of my error. 
 
 If we have the small-pox in our house, let us by all 
 means mark our doorposts with the red cross, so that the 
 uninfected may pass us by. The only laughable thing 
 about it is to see those whose embroidered petticoats 
 alone conceal their festering bodies, trip along, with 
 pursed-up mouths, upon the other side. 
 
 The return to the terrace did not make the slightest 
 difiference in my position, and it did make a considerable 
 difference to the housekeeping expenses, to which (be- 
 yond a couple of hundred or so a year, double and treble 
 of which he spent upon himself) Lord Annesley had not, 
 as yet, made any effort to subscribe. A dozen different 
 modes of employment had been suggested to him, and 
 decidedly negatived — none of them being found to be 
 consistent with his noble lineage. 
 
 I had gone about myself and interviewed those who sit 
 in high places, in hopes of finding him some appoint- 
 ment that should keep him out of mischief, and could 
 have done so had he been amenable to reason ; but noth- 
 ing was good enough for him. He was such a tremeai- 
 
234 THE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 dous " swell " that he could not be brought into contact 
 with anything common or unclean. 
 
 The painful necessity of being associated with " cads " 
 in some form or other presented itself as an excuse, to do 
 any work of a profitable nature. 
 
 Meanwhile the Honourable Ralph and George Annes- 
 ley, having been pretty well-grounded at the German 
 Academy, had to be drafted off, the one to Wellington 
 College, and the other to Harrow, and all the expense of 
 their outfits and school fees came (as may be well be- 
 lieved) out of my pocket. The boys came home for a few 
 weeks before going to their new schools, and I was very 
 much pleased with the improvement in their manners 
 and appearance. Neither was like their father, but Ralph 
 was really a handsome youth, now about sixteen, and 
 George was gentlemanly and refined. Lord Annesley 
 might well have been proud of both of his sons, but he 
 had no paternal feeling in him. He grumbled at them 
 for being like their mother, even to their faces, and re- 
 fused to take them anywhere -with him (he didn't choose 
 to be seen, he said, with a couple of " louts " at his heels), 
 so the lads ran all over London by themselves, which I 
 knew to be so bad for them, that I was thankful when 
 the time arrived for them to go to their respective 
 schools. 
 
 When the bustle and excitement, consequent on get- 
 ting into the new house, had subsided, I could not help 
 observing, with much anxiety, that the extraordinary 
 symptoms I had noticed in my husband on his visit to 
 London when on my theatrical tour were stUl present, 
 and began to be exhibited with more frequency. 
 
 The slightest opposition of any sort now was sufBcient 
 to rouse a fit of passion in him that closely resembled in- 
 sanity, and during which he would rave and blaspheme, 
 break the furniture, strike me, spit in my face, and call 
 me by the most instdting and opprobrious epithets in the 
 presence of my servants. He carried a bottle of strych- 
 nia in one pocket, and a loaded revolver in the other, and 
 declared that he would take his own life. I, like a fool, 
 believed him. His doctor, like another, did the same. 
 
 He seriously informed me that my life was not safe 
 whilst I lived under the same roof as Lord Annesley, and 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 235 
 
 that at any moment he might be seized with homicidal 
 mania, and if I were wise I should have a male attendant 
 sleeping in the house at night in case of accident. 
 
 I laughed at his precautions. Davie hurt me. I would 
 not believe it. 
 
 He might not be all that I had once believed him. I 
 knew him to be passionate, fickle and untrue, but I was 
 sure that (under any circumstances) he would not lift his 
 hand to do me a serious injury. 
 
 The doctor shrugged his shoulders, and said that 1 
 knew very little of the matter. I argued with him thus. 
 Either Davie was fit to live with me, or he was not, but 
 so long as he was left at liberty I could not woimd and 
 iasult him by placing my safety in the hands of a ser- 
 vant. Surely if it were necessary to take precautions, I 
 could take them for myself. 
 
 The doctor then asked me if I would write to Lord An- 
 nesley's family and inform them of his condition. But I 
 again refused. 
 
 Neither the Earl nor Countess of Woodrow had noticed 
 me since my marriage to their son, and I would not stoop 
 to ask for their advice or assistance or protection now. 
 I gave their address to the doctor, however, and told him 
 to do as he thought best in the matter, for since Lord 
 Annesley was the only son and heir to the title, it was 
 but right, perhaps, that his father should be made ac- 
 quaiated with his peculiar condition. 
 
 I thought it probable that the doctor's letter might re- 
 open a correspondence between my husband and his fami- 
 ly, but I little expected that it would bring them down 
 upon me. About a week later, however, at eleven o'clock 
 in the morning, when I was in attendance on Lord An- 
 nesley, my servant informed me that three ladies were 
 waiting to see me in the drawing-room. 
 
 My husband was lying in bed at the time, tmder the 
 firm impression that paralysis of his lower limbs had 
 already set in, and I had been sitting by him and trying to 
 reason him out of his absurd conjecture. I had a morning 
 gown on, made of some light print, and tied in at the 
 waist with a little red apron, and my hair was not prop- 
 erly dressed, but carelessly gathered on the crown of 
 my head in a loose knot. 
 
236 THE NOBLES SEX. 
 
 "Who are they, Sarah ? " I asked of the servant, 
 
 « I don't know, my lady. They didn't give their 
 names, but only asked if you was at home and if they 
 could see you at once." 
 
 " It must be Letty and the Marstons," I thought to my- 
 self, as I ran downstairs — for my sister was staying in 
 London at the time with some friends. 
 
 But when I entered the drawing-room I found the 
 ladies were all strangers to me. 
 
 One was very old and bent and wrinkled, and the 
 other two were middle-aged women. In a moment I 
 guessed their identity. It was the Countess of Wood- 
 row and her two daughters, the Ladies Selina and Caro- 
 line Aimesley. 
 
 " Oh, madam ! " I cried, as I stood abashed before them, 
 with the blood mounting up to the roots of my hair. 
 
 " Why, is this Lady Annesley ? Are you Mary, my 
 dear ? " asked the old lady, as she approached and took 
 my hand. " I did not expect you would be a bit like this." 
 
 " Nor did I expect this kindness on your part," I an- 
 swered huskily. " Oh, Lady Woodrow ! I had no excuse, 
 I acknowledge it. Only — Iloved him so." 
 
 " Hush ! my dear ; hush ! " she said. " The past is 
 over. We wUl not allude to it. And you must not 
 think we have held out so long on your account. The 
 earl had quarrelled with poor Davie long before. But 
 when his doctor wrote to apprise us of his sad state, he 
 thought it right that I and his sisters should come up 
 and learn the truth of it. Woodrow could not come 
 himself. He is getting very feeble and has not left the 
 house all the winter. Seventy-flve on his last birthday, 
 my dear. It is a great age. And I am seventy-one 
 myself." 
 
 They were aU so kind and cordial to me, calling me by 
 my Christian name, and so totally ignoring the sad past, 
 that I was at my ease with them in a minute. They 
 were good and pure women, and they pitied, rastead of 
 condemning me. But none of them — not even his mother 
 — seemed very sympathetic about poor Davie. They 
 listened to my account of his illness and the alarm it 
 had caused me, and then looked at one another with a 
 peculiar elevation of the eyebrows. 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 237 
 
 " It has always been the same with him from a boy," 
 said Lady Woodrow, with a shake of the head. " My 
 poor son has attempted to be the master of every one 
 but himself. How often used his father in his early days 
 to lock him up in a room on account of his insulting 
 tempers, and he would break half the furniture in it be- 
 fore he was let out again. No wonder his first wife left 
 him. He was her destruction." 
 
 "Or rather, mother, you should say that the whisky 
 bottle has been his," interposed Lady Selina. " When a 
 man drinks to excess as Davie does, one can be surprised 
 at nothing. He wUl go quite out of his mind if he does 
 not take care." 
 
 " Heaven forbid," said the countess. " It is a sad look- 
 out for the old title. Can I see my son, Mary ?" 
 
 " Of course," I answered, as I led her up to his room 
 and left the mother and son together. 
 
 I found, on rejoining his sisters, that they had come 
 up to town under the impression that Lord Annesley 
 was dying — animated also, I think, by a little curiosity 
 to see me — and appeared rather annoyed to find the 
 alarm bugle had been sounded for so sUght a cause. 
 Had it not been for Lord Annesley, my mother and sis- 
 ters-in-law would have become my friends ; but after we 
 had got over the first awkwardness of our meeting, and 
 the countess was on the point of asking us both down 
 to Stoughton Manor, he said something to offend her and 
 she did not complete the invitation. 
 
 Neither did the ladies pay us a second visit. They 
 wrote to me on their return, giving me a general invi- 
 tation to Essborough; but without my husband, that 
 amounted to nothing. Davie, seeing that no one made 
 much of his illness, and that each fresh medical opinion 
 that he called in ended in the same injunction to him to 
 leave off all stimulants and get some active work to do, 
 pronounced the doctors to be a set of fools, and got out 
 of bed as soon as he found it too irksome to remain 
 there. 
 
 I have mentioned that when my mother died, my sis- 
 ters and myself came into the small patrimony left us by 
 our father, who had wisely tied it up beyond all hus- 
 bands' meddling, so that at last I felt I had something to 
 
238 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 depend on in my old age ; or if my powers of composition 
 deserted me. There was some question of transferring 
 this money to a more profitable investment ; and during 
 the necessary interviews that followed, my solicitor 
 asked me if Lord Annesley had settled my personal and 
 private property on myself. I answered in the negative, 
 and said that I had never thought of such a thing. 
 
 " Yoiir husband should have thought of it for you," 
 he replied ; " and the best thing you can do now, Lady 
 Annesley, is to get him to sign a deed of gift in your 
 favour." 
 
 " But Lord Annesley has left me everything uncondi- 
 tionally in his will," I said. 
 
 " That is not sufficient, unless you could be sure that 
 he would die first. Suppose now, for the sake of exam- 
 ple, that you were lost together at sea, or smashed up in 
 a railway accident. Lord Annesley's heirs would come in 
 for all the property and your child would get nothing." 
 
 I saw the wisdom of his remark and repeated it to my 
 husband as soon as I returned home, never doubting but 
 that he would recognize the justice of the proposition. 
 
 My little Mta was now thirteen years old. In another 
 year she might (though I had little hope of it) return to 
 my care. But I had never seen her since throwing in my 
 lot with that of Lord Annesley. They had removed her 
 from Newton Piercy. I did not even know where she 
 was, and I had no right to ask. 
 
 Was it likely that a child could hold a memory in her 
 heart for four long years ? 
 
 Still the cherished hope of seeing her again was always 
 present with me, and if we should not meet in this world 
 I longed to leave my daughter some token, that I had 
 never ceased to love and cherish her. 
 
 But to my astonishment (and not a little to my con- 
 tempt) Lord Annesley utterly repudiated the idea of 
 making a deed of gift—in fact, he refused to do it. 
 
 I remonstrated and pleaded with him m vain. He 
 kept on reiterating, that he had left me everything in 
 his will, and no arguments seemed capable of convincing 
 him, that it was necessary to provide against such a con- 
 tingency, as the lawyer had suggested to me. 
 
 Besides — I had lost all faith in his promises, and feared 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 239 
 
 that, in the event of my own death, he would not carry- 
 out my wishes. 
 
 I had the deed of gift drawn up, therefore, and it only 
 waited his signature, but this Lord Annesley obstinately 
 refused to afSx. At last, one evening, when we had a 
 lady staying with us, in whose eyes I knew he wished to 
 appear at his best, I tried to shame him iuto doing, what 
 should have needed no coercion. 
 
 I seized the opportunity, when our visitor and one of 
 the servants were in the room together, to produce the 
 document, and say cheerfully, and as if Lord Annesley 
 were certain to approve the proposal — 
 
 " ISTow ! Davie, that we have two witnesses at hand, 
 we wUl sign this deed of gift and get it over. We shall 
 both feel better satisfied when it is done." 
 
 I thereupon turned to our visitor and explained to her 
 the purport of the deed and why it was to be executed, 
 and she acquiesced so fully m its importance and ex- 
 pressed so much wonder that we had not done it before, 
 that my husband had no alternative but to pretend to 
 agree to all she said. He seized the pen angrily and 
 scrawled his name across the foot of the paper, which 
 was then witnessed by the servant and our friend, and I 
 locked it away ia one of the drawers of my writing- 
 table, congratulatiag myself that the deed was irrev- 
 ocably accomplished, and my personal property secured 
 for the use of myself and my little girl. 
 
240 TOE NOBZEJt SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 I GO TO AUSTEALIA. 
 
 But I reckoned without my host. I was not cunning 
 enough for Lord Annesley. I trusted him too well. I 
 did not take sufficient care to secure the document from 
 his hands. The keys of my writing-table hung in the 
 drawers half the day long, and the next time I went to 
 look for the deed of gift, it was gone. I appealed to 
 Lord Annesley to say if he had taken it, and he made no 
 secret of the fact. 
 
 "Where is it, Davie ? Surely, you will give it to me 
 again," I said, with some natural indignation. 
 
 " Where is it? Torn up and thrown in the waste- 
 paper basket. You can have it again and welcome, if it 
 will be worth your while to piece it together. Ah ! You 
 thought you had me nicely on the hip. Eh ! Lady An- 
 nesley. You'n find I know a trick worth two of that." 
 
 " I thought you were a gentleman, and I find you are 
 not," I rejoined hotly. 
 
 " Now ! look here, Mollie. We'll have no more of this 
 nonsense. Your wretched sticks that you make such a 
 
 d d fuss about, are legally mine, and I mean them to 
 
 remain so. Is a man to have nothing, in return for 
 lowering himself by marrying a divorced woman ? If I 
 hear another word about a deed of gift, I'll sell every 
 article of furniture in the house and you can replace 
 them or not, as you see fit. I can always get a shake- 
 down with Vane, or at my club." 
 
 Did I not see then, what a fool I had made of myself ? 
 What a fool any woman is, who puts herself in the 
 power of a man ? There is no " 'twixt and between" for 
 the weaker sex. They must either be entirely free or 
 slaves. Man has reigned too long alone to be willing to 
 yield his partner even so small a share of the throne. 
 She must rule by herself if she would rule at all. How 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 241 
 
 well Saint Paul knew, not only the world he lived in, 
 but that which was to come, when, speaking of his single 
 state, he said : " It is better to be as I am." Without 
 thought, or provision for the future, I had placed myself 
 and my possessions at the mercy of a man, who was in- 
 capable of either ruling himself or me — whose temper 
 changed with the passing hour — and whose brain was 
 daily becoming more softened by his prevailing weak- 
 ness. 
 
 I had robbed my poor child, perhaps to aggrandize 
 his, or, worse still, any woman to whom he might choose 
 to leave his property. But I had no remedy. 
 
 If neither shame nor a sense of justice could influence 
 him to do what was right, the law had no power to 
 compel him. I had put myself beyond the pale of the 
 law, by trusting a man who was untrustworthy. 
 
 I was perfectly aware by this time that Lord Annesley 
 had a liaison with Mrs. Callender, in fact, he confessed 
 it openly and boasted of his infidelity to my face, taunt- 
 ing me with my inability to procure any proofs against 
 him. 
 
 I suffered under his cruelty, God knows. For where I 
 love I must have all or none. 
 
 But my pride held me back from letting the world 
 guess, before it was absolutely necessary, that I had 
 made a second marriage more unfortunate than the first. 
 
 But the quarrels, consequent on the cowardly destruc- 
 tion of the deed of gift, led to a serious disaster by which 
 I narrowly escaped losing my life. 
 
 One day in the heat of summer Lord Annesley and I 
 had been out to a picnic with a large party of friends. 
 To all appearance my husband had greatly enjoyed him- 
 self, although the fascinating Mrs. Callender had not 
 made one of the assembly, and we returned home to- 
 gether to a light supper. I can see the scene now. The 
 windows of the dming-room, which looked upon the 
 terrace, were open, and the lace curtains drawn across 
 them were fluttering in the night breeze. The table was 
 daintily set with a bouquet of roses in a silver bowl in 
 the centre of it — a scarlet lobster reposing upon pale 
 green lettuce leaves — an orange jelly and a pile of sum- 
 mer fruits, making a pretty contrast with the brown loaf 
 
 16 
 
242 TBE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 and the pat of butter in its crystal dish and a cold joint 
 which rested beside them. I had thrown my hat and 
 mantle to one side, and was engaged in trying to chase a 
 night moth from its fatal proximity to the lamp, when I 
 was startled by a slight noise, and looking up saw, to 
 my alarm, my husband advancing towards me with a 
 mahogany chair held over his head, as though he were 
 about to strike me. Fearing a repetition of his former 
 attempted violence, I sprang a few steps backwards and 
 exclaimed authoritatively, " Put that chair down at once. 
 I will stand no more nonsense of that sort, and so I warn 
 you, Davie." 
 
 He glared at me in a stupid way for a second (the day 
 had been very warm and he had been drinking heavily), 
 and then dropped the chair upon the floor with a heavy 
 bang, which fortunately startled my servants in the 
 kitchen below. 
 
 Lord Annesley muttering with an oath, " I must put a 
 stop to this. One of us two must die," seized the carving 
 knife from the table and rushed towards me. 
 
 I was thoroughly frightened. I dashed round the table 
 to the open window and called out " Police ! murder ! " 
 at the top of my voice, for terror made me scarcely con- 
 scious of what I was doing. 
 
 Lord Annesley dropped the knife, and following me, 
 seized me by the throat and dragged me into the back 
 dining-room, where he pinned me against the wall. For- 
 tunately for me, however, my servants had heard me call 
 out, and, rushing into the room, pulled me away from 
 him. One of them, indeed, who professed to be much 
 attached to me, seized the poker from the empty grate and 
 flourished it about Lord Annesley's shoulders, crying, 
 " Drop her ! you brute, or I'll smash your head in." 
 
 This onslaught in the rear had the desired effect. My 
 husband beat a retreat, but when my maids had pulled 
 me out into the passage I trembled so violently that I could 
 not stand, but had to sit down upon the stairs until I recov- 
 ered sufficiently to walk up to my bedroom, where my 
 maid stayed with me for the remainder of the night. 
 And for days afterwards I had the purple marks on my 
 throat where his fingers had nearly strangled me. Lord 
 Annesley did not appear to think after this episode that 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 243 
 
 he had done anythmg out of the common. He remarked, 
 when we met the next morning, that he was sorry he had 
 given way to his temper, and he hoped I should think 
 no more about it, which was a promise beyond my power 
 to give. I did think a great deal more about it — indeed, 
 I think of it to this day. It recalled the doctor's caution 
 to my mind, and made me remember that it is of such 
 stuff murderers are made. 
 
 I imagine that very few men or women commit a deUb- 
 erate murder. It is generally the upshot of an uncon- 
 trolled temper, such as Lord Annesley's, inflamed by drink, 
 which leads to temporary insanity. That my husband 
 was occasionally insane I have no manner of doubt, and 
 it was only by the interposition of Providence that he 
 did not commit some fearful crime that would have 
 brought him under the penalty of the law. 
 
 His conduct, which kept me in a constant state of 
 anxiety and alarm, led to a long delayed decision on my 
 part. 
 
 Through the influence of a friend, who had greatly 
 assisted me in my brief professional career and well 
 knew the domestic misery I was enduring, I had received 
 a lucrative offer to appear in Australia, and I now deter- 
 mined to accept it. I was sick to death of the life of strife 
 and dissension I was leading. My presence had no 
 power to keep my husband faithful to me, added to 
 which he was constantly telling me that he wished I was 
 dead, and that he had never set eyes on me. My literary 
 work, which kept me so closely indoors, whilst Lord 
 Annesley gallivanted with Mrs. Callender, was beginning 
 to affect my health, and I felt that if I did not have some 
 change I too should go out of my mind with apprehen- 
 sion and disappointment. My husband's medical advisers 
 also urged me to leave him for awhile — in fact, they 
 told me that under any circumstances they should have 
 advised a temporary separation between us. 
 
 Their opinion made me feel qxiite easy on the subject. 
 I made no attempt to conceal from my husband what I 
 intended to do, and he appeared to acquiesce in my de- 
 cision, and to approve of the engagement, which was to 
 bring in a large sum of money. 
 
 All of a sudden, however, when the contracts had been 
 
244 TBE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 signed and sent out to Australia — ^the advance money 
 received and the passage taken — when there was no pos- 
 sibility of drawing back from my given word, Lord An- 
 nesley developed a causeless and insane jealousy of 
 me, and expressed his opinion that I was about to leave 
 England with some sinister intention. Especially did 
 he suspect the innocent friend who had taken so much 
 trouble on my accoimt, and who was to remain in Eng- 
 land whilst I went to the Antipodes, and insulted him 
 so grossly that I was compelled to keep them apart. 
 
 A few days before the time fixed for my departure, as 
 Lord Annesley was sitting at dinner with me and his 
 two sons (who were at home for the Christmas vacation) 
 he took the opportunity to say such insulting and scandal- 
 ous things of me because I could not possibly relinquish 
 my professional engagement at his bidding, that his 
 eldest boy Ralph rose up from the table in wrath, and 
 taking me on Ms arm, walked out of the house with me 
 and left me under the protection of one of my lady friends 
 who lived close by, declaring that I should never live 
 with his father again with his consent. 
 
 "What," cried Lord Annesley indignantly, "you would 
 dare to take a wife from her husband? " 
 
 " Aye, sir," replied the young fellow, unabashed, " and 
 from fifty such husbands as you, who only know how to 
 insult a woman." 
 
 Knowing Lord Annesley as I did, I thought he would 
 have struck his son for such outspoken words. But, on 
 the contrary, he seemed to shrink back from them as if 
 they had been a blow planted between his eyes. 
 
 I remained the night with my friend, and the next day 
 I received a penitent, tear-stained letter from my husband, 
 entreating me to return to the man who " worshipped 
 the very ground I trod on." 
 
 But this time I was firm. 
 
 He had insulted me grossly before my servants and 
 his children, and I refused to crawl back like a fawning 
 spaniel to the foot that had kicked me. 
 
 I replied by letter that I would return on two condi- 
 tions only. One was, that he told his sons, in my pres- 
 ence, he had no foundation for the wicked allegations he 
 had made against me. The other, that he executed a 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 245 
 
 deed of gift, similar to the one he had wantonly destroyed, 
 and sent it to me. He begged I would return at once 
 and everything I desired should be done. 
 
 But I stood out for my demand. 
 
 My faith in him and his word was gone forever. 
 
 He believed in no man (or woman), because he was not 
 worthy of belief himself, and he judged the world by his 
 own standard. 
 
 The end was that he sent me the executed deed and I 
 returned home, only anxious to spend the last few days 
 of my sojourn in England in peace, but with no fixed 
 plans beyond the moment of my departure. I was weary 
 and sore with argument. My brain was dazed and dizzy 
 with trying to think what was best to be done, and I 
 resolved to leave everything to chance or a future 
 decision. 
 
 All I longed for then was to get away. 
 
 Lord Annesley accompanied me to the Tilbury Docks, 
 whence the steamer started, apparently deeply penitent 
 for all that had passed, and trying hard to extract a prom- 
 ise from me of a speedy return. 
 
 But I refused to say anything definite. I told him 
 frankly that I wanted time to think and to consider in, 
 and I would write him fully on my arrival in Mel- 
 bourne. 
 
 He saw that he had gone too far, and I saw that he 
 was in terrible fear lest he should never see me again. 
 
 But I remained firm to the last, though we parted as 
 friends, and as I held his handsome head close to mine I 
 shed many bitter tears to think how soon all my confi- 
 dence and trust in him had died away. 
 
 But the further the steamer carried me from him, the 
 clearer did my mind become and the better able was I to 
 judge of the relations between us. 
 
 And the more I thought the more impossible did I 
 believe it to be that I could ever return to the embraces 
 of a man who had told me openly and often that he had 
 no belief in my virtue — that he wished I was " dead and 
 rotting in my grave," and that he was faithless to me 
 and intended to remain so. 
 
 His penitence was only assumed when he was threat- 
 ened with some loss in consequence of his intemperate 
 
216 THE NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 language. His tears were crocodile's tears, and lie could 
 shed them whilst he stuck his tongue in his cheek. 
 
 I saw so clearly now what a heartless, selfish, brainless 
 e:Totist and debauchee he was, that I felt I would rather 
 die than reassume the humiliating position of his wife. 
 
 My professional career in Australia opened successfully 
 and seemed likely to be prolonged. But I had not been 
 there many weeks before I had written my whole mind 
 (more explicitly than I have written it here) to Lord 
 Annesley, and told him that I saw now what a terrible 
 mistake we had made in coming together, and how far 
 better it would be for us to separate again. I was aware, 
 I said, that he had no respect left for me — ^neither had 
 I for him. For five years I had spent my hardly-earned 
 money on him and his sons, and received nothing but 
 abuse in return, and for the future I intended to work 
 for myself and my own child, and he must work for his. 
 I knew that this last proposal would bring forth the 
 most furious recrimination in return. 
 
 The boys were at expensive schools, and their fees 
 could not be paid unless their father made some exertions 
 on their behalf. His replies to my letters were full of 
 angry retorts on my attempt to rob him of what he had 
 a legitimate right to consider his own. But the Married 
 Woman's Property Act fully protected my present earn- 
 ings, and I could afford to let him rave. I knew that the 
 prospective monetary loss was at the bottom of all his 
 distress, and I told him plainly that if he forced me to 
 return to England I was determined that he should sup- 
 port me. I had worked enough, I said, and I required 
 rest. 
 
 This determination had the desired effect. Lord An- 
 nesley's reproaches and adjurations died away in injured 
 silence, and we ceased to correspond with one another — 
 in fact, he requested that I would not address hun again 
 until I had changed my opinions, and, as they remained 
 unaltered, I respected his wishes. And, indeed, the 
 longer I remained away from him and the more time I 
 had to think over quietly the course of conduct he had 
 maintained towards me, the more convinced I became 
 that I never could be happy again whilst living with 
 him. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 247 
 
 Where a woman loves and respects a man, even if 
 quarrels arise between them, separation heals the breach. 
 
 For in absence, when the heat of anger is past, we can 
 see our own faults more clearly and distinguish the 
 greater virtues of our friend. 
 
 But ia my case it was different. 
 
 Quiet reflection made the injuries I had received stand 
 out with hideous distinctness, and the justice I had had 
 meted out to me look less and less. 
 
 I recognized that my love for the man I had sacrificed 
 the world for had died with my esteem, and that life 
 with him thenceforward could only be one long struggle 
 to keep up the appearance of unanimity. 
 
 Is it not always so when two people permit themselves 
 to forget their duty to God and man for the sake of an 
 earthly passion ? 
 
 Is there any man on earth noble enough and generous 
 enough not, at some time or other, to throw a woman's 
 weakness for him ia her teeth ? 
 
 And when he has done that he has done all. For 
 politic reasons, she may force the smiles to appear upon 
 her face again and to pretend she has forgotten the 
 insult. 
 
 But she never does. 
 
 She never forgets it, nor forgives it. 
 
 As far as her whole and unlimited love for him is con- 
 cerned, he has killed her. 
 
 It is dead and she is dead — to him for evermore. 
 
248 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 I LEAKN SOMETHESTG OF THE LA"W. 
 
 I WAS thankful even for the silence between us. It was 
 like a lull after the storm, and I had come to regard peace 
 as the greatest blessing this world can afEord us. 
 
 I continued to play in Melbourne for four months, and 
 there was talk of a tour through Australia when sickness 
 again overtook me. Naturally healthy, and of a singu- 
 larly pure constitution, though not robust, I fancy that my 
 mental condition had more to do with the various ill- 
 nesses that I suffered from during my marriage to Lord 
 Annesley, than anything else. My present trouble was 
 an attack of inflammation on the lungs, which of course 
 put a stop to my appearance in public, and laid me up 
 for many weeks. 
 
 I was dangerously ill, and for three months was com- 
 pletely confined to the house. 
 
 My medical adviser sent me away from Melbourne to 
 the country, where I stayed with some kind and hos- 
 pitable friends of the name of Millerson. I had received 
 the strictest injunctions to give up all work until I had 
 entirely recovered, and as the illness had deprived me of 
 my voice, I had no alternative but to do as I was ordered. 
 Having had some experience, however, of Lord An- 
 nesley's insensate jealousy, I determined to give him no 
 possible cause of offence. I, therefore, engaged a lady 
 companion to accompany me to the Millerson's country 
 seat, as a sort of nurse in my weakness, and by this 
 means I felt sure of preventing any chance of calumny 
 or misinterpretation being put upon my actions. 
 
 After which I was more than surprised to receive 
 letters from various friends in England, asking me what 
 ground there was for the defamatory stories that were 
 being circulated of me in London. My sister Letty wrote 
 to me in great distress, even going so far as to say, « If 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 249 
 
 there is any person in Melbourne, my poor Mollie, who 
 has an interest in detaining you there, at least let me (who 
 have shared all your secrets) know the truth.' You can 
 have no idea how widely the scandal has spread." My 
 answer to all these letters was the same. 
 
 " I am coming home at once," I wrote ; " to give the 
 lie to these rumours myself." 
 
 I was not fit to travel, and my entrepreneurs were very 
 unwilling that I should leave the country. I had already 
 promised (though not pledged myself by contract) to 
 make a tour of Australia in the spring, and to return to 
 England meanwhile, entailed a considerable loss of money. 
 
 But my blood boiled when I heard how my absence had 
 been taken a mean advantage of, to scandalize me. 
 
 The falsehoods had been traced back to Lord Annesley, 
 and I was resolved they should not pass unpunished. 
 
 Mrs. Millerson, who was one of my truest friends, re- 
 monstrated with me on taking (what she considered) an 
 unnecessary journey. I had confided part of my life's 
 history to her, and she said I was a fool to take any 
 further thought about what such a man either said or 
 did. 
 
 " Why don't you let him talk," she argued ; "it is his 
 only means of revenge, and no real friend of yours will 
 beUeve him." 
 
 "But my child, Mrs. Millerson," I answered sadly. 
 "Should these rumours be allowed to spread without 
 contradiction, they may some day reach Nita's ears and 
 make her think her poor mother worse than she is. I 
 have done her wrong enough already. I cannot let her 
 bear the brunt of a second scandal. Besides, my dear 
 friend, you do not think of my feelings in the matter. 
 Why should I sit down in sUence and suffer falsehoods 
 to be told about me ? You know how untrue these 
 stories are." 
 
 "I do," she answered ; "but I am afraid of you, Miss 
 Malmaison. You are too soft and yielding, and this man 
 holds a magnetic power over you. If you should meet 
 him face to face I dread the consequences. He will cry 
 and you will relent. But if you ever go back to him it is 
 all over between you and me, for I wiU never speak to 
 you again." 
 
250 THU NOBLEU SEX. 
 
 " Go hack to him" I repeated indignantly, " after all 
 he has dared to say of me ? What do you take me for ? 
 I return home with but one intention, to obtain redress 
 for this libel. As soon as that is accomplished I shall 
 come back to Melbourne and fulfil my engagements." 
 
 " All right," said Mrs. MUlerson, " and if you want my 
 witness in your favour only let me know, and I'll be over 
 by the next steamer." 
 
 It was the fourth of March when I started from Mel- 
 bourne. I particularly noticed the date, because it was 
 that of my second marriage. I had written to Lord Annes- 
 ley before sailing to teU him that I was on my way home, 
 and for what purpose, and that I desired to see him as 
 soon as I returned. This precaution I considered neces- 
 sary, as, during my absence, he had let our house and 
 seemed to be living anywhere, the last address sent me 
 being that of a boarding-house in Bayswater. 
 
 But on my arrival at the docks I received a letter from 
 him, in which he attempted to get the start of me by 
 making the first accusation and standing on the defensive. 
 He wrote that he had heard such disgraceful accounts of 
 my life whilst in Melbourne, that he declined to see me, 
 either then or thenceforward ; and that if my sole object 
 in coming to England was to interview him, the sooner I 
 returned to Australia and the lovers I had left there, the 
 better. 
 
 After that, I felt that nothing could be done by private 
 means. 
 
 My brother-in-law, Mr. Davenant, had kindly met me 
 on arrival, and accompanied me to London, where I set- 
 tled myself in furnished apartments. He was entirely of 
 my mind — that no good could ever accrue from my living 
 with Lord Annesley again, and that the sooner a separa- 
 tion was arranged between us, the better. 
 
 With this end in view I hastened to see my solicitors 
 — a firm of note in the city — and laid the whole case be- 
 fore them. But to my chagrin and complete amazement, 
 they declared I had no redress. 
 
 " A man, my dear lady," observed one of the partners, 
 " may say what he likes of his wife — as a woman can say 
 what she likes of her husband — and neither can obtain 
 any legal remedy. You cannot go to law with Lord 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 251 
 
 Annesley for such a reason. He is at liberty to say of 
 you what he chooses." 
 
 I opened my eyes with surprise. 
 
 " But he has told my acquaintances that I am an infa- 
 mous character ; that I have had lovers in Australia and 
 been unfaithful to him. And it is utterly false, Mr. 
 Scamblin. There is not the slightest foundation for it." 
 
 " Just so, my lady. It is very sad, doubtless, and very 
 inexcusable. But that doesn't alter the law which allows 
 him to behave in so despicable a manner." 
 
 " Then am I to sit down for the rest of my life and suf- 
 fer the most libellous falsehoods to be told of me ? Lord 
 Annesley wrote to my sister that he would blacken my 
 name to that extent that not a hand should be held out 
 to welcome me on my return to England. Must I lose 
 my friends and my character to satisfy his revenge ? " 
 
 " I only see one way by which you can stamp out the 
 scandalj" said the solicitor, thoughtfully, " and that is by 
 going back and living with Lord Annesley, for however 
 short a period. Tou must sue him for a restitution of 
 conjugal rights and then he will be compelled to adduce 
 his reasons for refusing to live with you, and if he has 
 no proofs to bring forward the Court will not accept 
 them. That will be your best, and, as far as I can see, 
 your only plan." 
 
 I replied that it was impossible, and returned to my 
 lodgings utterly perplexed. 
 
 I determined, however, that matters could not rest as 
 they were, and that I must, at any cost, have a personal 
 interview with my husband and learn the source from 
 which he had gathered his information. 
 
 I set off, therefore, very early the following morning 
 and reached the boarding-house in Bayswater, where 
 he lived, before ten o'clock. A dirty German waiter, who 
 spoke French villainously, opened the door for me, and on 
 my enquiry if Lord Annesley were in, he answered 
 " yes " ; but added that milor had not yet left his room. 
 
 " Take me up to his room, then," I replied in French. 
 "I am Lady Annesley, his wife, and I wish to speak to 
 him." 
 
 The man led the way up a wide, but filthy staircase, 
 covered with floor cloth, and as I surveyed the surround- 
 
252 T3E NOBLER SEX. 
 
 ings, I wondered how the fastidious and luxury-loving 
 Lord Annesley had ever brought his proud soul down to 
 endure such a state of things. 
 
 On the second landing the waiter stopped, and pointed 
 to a bedroom door in front of us. 
 
 " Is this Lord Annesley's room ? " I enquired in my 
 usual tone of voice, as I laid hold of the door handle. 
 
 But some one had been too quick for me. 
 
 The door was locked. 
 
 «' I cannot open it," I said. " It is fastened." 
 
 The German waiter looked puzzled and felt with his 
 hand along a ledge in the wall. 
 
 " But it is impossible," he said wonderingly. " Milor 
 never quits the house at this hour, and when he does he 
 leaves the key of the door here. Milor must have gone 
 to the post with his letters and taken the key with him." 
 
 I rattled the door handle several times, and called on 
 my husband by name, but without gaining any response. 
 Then — ^fearful of making myself too conspicuous and feel- 
 ing the awkwardness of the situation, I turned to the 
 waiter and said : — 
 
 " Take me downstairs, again and teU the mistress of 
 the house that I wish to speak to her." 
 
 Thereupon he showed me into a long, dark, ill -furnished 
 dining-room on the ground floor, where a dingy tablecloth, 
 with the remains of yesterday's crumbs upon it, was set 
 with common and ill-matched crockery for brealrfast, and 
 everything reminded me powerfully of Mrs. Todger's 
 establishment for commercial gentlemen in "Martin 
 Chuzzlewit." The waiter carried my message into the 
 next room, but there was considerable delay and a length- 
 ened colloquy in the most execrable French I ever heard, 
 before the mistress of the house made her appearance. 
 
 Directly I saw her I disliked her. 
 
 I have a strong intuition in such matters, and I per- 
 ceived at a glance that this woman was common, insolent, 
 and, 1 might add, unclean both in life and manners. And 
 yet she was a pretty woman, plump and fair, with a 
 large amount of powder on her face, and a crimson 
 knitted shawl muffled up to her chin and tied across the 
 upper part of her body, as if she were not prepared to 
 show the dress beneath it. As soon as she entered the 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 253 
 
 room, with her pert nose tilted in the air, I said to my- 
 self, " Davie has made love to that woman," and yet I 
 could not have advanced a single good reason for thinking 
 so. She was very stiff with me, though perfectly polite. 
 
 "I understand you wish to see Lord Annesley," she 
 commenced, " but his lordship is not at home." 
 
 " The servant says that he is." 
 
 "He did not understand, perhaps. He speaks very 
 imperfectly, but he is mistaken. Lord Annesley is out." 
 
 Something in her manner made me disbelieve the 
 statement, and I became obstinate. 
 
 " Then I shall remain here till he returns," I replied. 
 " I am his wife. Lady Annesley. I have just come home 
 from Australia, and have business with him. It is im- 
 perative that we should meet." 
 
 " It is impossible you can remain here," replied the 
 landlady, whose name was Mrs. Berners, "because he 
 may not be back for days. He has left town on a visit 
 to the country." 
 
 " Then I will occupy his room until his return, as I 
 have a right to do." 
 
 "Lord Annesley has taken the key of his room with 
 him. He always does when he leaves London, and the 
 door remains locked during his absence. I could not 
 have it forced. I have no right to do so." 
 
 I was nonplussed. I felt sure Lord Annesley was in 
 the house, but I had no means of ascertaining the truth, 
 and I could not force myself into a strange establishment 
 and run the gauntlet of speculation and curiosity from a 
 score of strangers. 
 
 So, after a few more questions, as luisatisfactorily 
 answered as the first, I rose and said I would communi- 
 cate with my husband in writing. 
 
 "What is his address ? " I asked on leaving. 
 
 " That I am not privileged to give you. Lady An- 
 nesley," replied Mrs. Berners; "but if you will ad- 
 dress his lordship here I will see that the letter is for- 
 warded to him." 
 
 I felt the indignity of the refusal, and was insulted 
 to think that this common creature should have been 
 intrusted with my husband's address, and evidently 
 cautioned not to give it to me. 
 
254 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 I left the boarding-house with a high beating heart, 
 and wishing fervently that I had never been so foolish as 
 to enter it. As soon as I reached my apartments I sat 
 down and wrote Lord Annesley a letter, in which I told 
 him that I had returned to England with one purpose, 
 and I was resolved to accomplish it, and should not leave 
 a stone unturned till I had done so — and that was, to 
 clear my character from the mud he had cast upon it. I 
 averred myself to be perfectly innocent of the crimes he 
 had imputed to me, and that if he continued to refuse to 
 see me or give me the names of my calumniators, I should 
 adopt the advice of my solicitors, and sue him for a resti- 
 tution of conjugal rights, and force him to say in open 
 court what cause of complaint he had against me. 
 
 To this letter I received no answer. 
 
 I had but a few days to remain in London, for I had 
 accepted an invitation to join my sisters EUnor and 
 Letty in Bournemouth, where they had engaged a fur- 
 nished house for the season. 
 
 So I had only time to see a few of my most intimate 
 friends. 
 
 One was the gentleman who had procured me the 
 Australian engagement, and another, Clarice, who came 
 gushing over me in her old way as soon as she heard I 
 had arrived. Both of them were loud in condenmation 
 of Lord Annesley's treatment of me. 
 
 Mr. Burrage had a professional office in the Strand, 
 where I called to see him, and he observed that the 
 worry and excitement T had undergone had made me 
 look very thin and pale, and indeed coming so soon after 
 my severe illness, it had a very serious effect on me. He 
 had a private carriage, and asked me to let him drive me 
 down to Richmond on the following day. 
 
 "It will do you aU the good in the world, Lady 
 Annesley," he said. " The park is in its perfection just 
 now." 
 
 I should have liked to have accepted the offer, but I 
 thought it wiser not, and the same evening, when Clarice 
 was drinking tea with me, I told her so. She laughed 
 heartily at my prudery. 
 
 "Why not, MoUie?" she asked. -'What reason is 
 there against your doing so ? " 
 
THE NOBLEJR SEX. 255 
 
 "I hardly know," I replied; "but I felt it would be 
 safer to refuse. You know the things Lord Annesley 
 has said of Mr. Burrage. They were untrue, but if he 
 heard that the very first week I returned to England I 
 had been seen driving with him, he might think there 
 was some foundation for his suspicions." 
 
 Clarice looked at me curiously. 
 
 "Is it possible" she asked, "that you Contemplate re- 
 turning to that man ? " 
 
 " Of course I don't," I replied with decision. 
 
 " Well, I shall never call you a clever woman again, 
 Mollie, if you do," said Clarice. " After the disgraceful 
 manner in which Lord Annesley has treated you — after 
 the infamous things he has said of you, and to which 7" 
 can bear testimony — ^you would be worse than a fool to 
 have anything to do with him again. And after the way 
 he has pulled you down, too, selfishly sacrificing your 
 worldly position to his interests, and Uvuig on your 
 money " 
 
 "Oh! don't — dorUt! " I cried, with a sudden burst of 
 tears. She had brought the past so vividly before me 
 that I could not help it. 
 
 " I believe you love him still," she said contemptuously. 
 
 "No! no! not now," I replied, when I could speak; 
 " but you know how much I have loved him, and the 
 contrast is too bitter for me to contemplate with 
 equanimity." 
 
 " Well, I can't vmderstand it," said Clarice, shrugging 
 her shoulders, "and the next time Mr. Burrage asks 
 you to drive with him, go. Why on earth are you to be 
 debarred from an innocent pleasure because you have a 
 madman for a husband? Lord Annesley is simply a 
 jealous and vindictive fool. And as for crying over him 
 — that beats me altogether, and I've no patience with 
 you." 
 
 " I suppose not," I answered, as I dried my tears. " I 
 suppose I have no right to expect any one to have 
 patience with me. But no one knows where the shoe 
 pinches but he who wears it." 
 
256 THE NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 I EEJOIN LOED ANITESLEY. 
 
 The shoe was pinching me then, and no mistake, for I 
 knew that everybody would be readier to believe a 
 second scandal of a woman than the first. Once wrong, 
 the world believes her to be always wrong, and if a little 
 bad, why, then, bad all over. 
 
 It cannot credit a woman with being so humiliated at 
 making one false step as never to make another, and its 
 incredulity has had more to do with the ruin of female 
 lives than nature, or that poor, mythical devil, who is 
 made to bear the burden of all our shortcomings. There 
 is a proverb that says, " If one lover is not enough, 
 twenty are not too many." 
 
 It is a lie. A baseless, malignant lie. It may be true 
 of some women — often of those who are quickest to 
 quote it. It is not true of the majority. There is 
 nothiug harder to bear than the yoke of matrimony 
 when the shoulder is galled. It is (or, rather, it used 
 to be) so incurable — so impossible to shift, even by a 
 quarter of an inch. Woman used to be so entirely and 
 utterly in the power of her master. Thank God for us 
 aU that that day has passed away, and that if wives 
 continue to be white slaves, they do so of their own free 
 will. England has never borne a darker blot than the 
 freedom formerly allowed to husbands to torture the 
 unhappy creatures they had sworn to cherish. It is 
 suf&cient for a quick-witted woman to have noted the 
 ill-concealed chagrin exhibited by the stronger sex, at 
 the passing of the merciful Act of Parliament that in 
 some measure freed their wives from injustice and 
 tyranny, to see how much such a protection was needed. 
 
 Happy couples insist that so stringent a measure was 
 not necessary, and that it only requires a little mutual 
 
THE NOBLES SEX. 257 
 
 forbearance to make the married state an earthly para- 
 dise. 
 
 Perhaps so, in your estimation, mesdames et messieurs ; 
 but there are women like myself dwelling in your midst 
 who have been linked not to men, but brutes, with fewer 
 virtues and less honour than the beasts whom we have 
 been taught will perish, but who are in most instances 
 far more worthy of heaven than their masters. 
 
 When I found that Lord Annesley iatended to evade 
 an open explanation with me, and to leave society to in- 
 terpret as it might choose his refusal to live with me 
 again, I determined that, " by hook or by crook," he 
 should do so, and considered that any stratagem would 
 be excusable in order to gain my end. 
 
 He had falsely accused me of infidelity, and I would 
 make him eat his words, since to take me back, after 
 such an assertion, would be to condemn himself. 
 
 I went down to Bournemouth to my sisters Elinor and 
 Letty, and from their house I wrote to Lord Annesley 
 again. 
 
 I abstained from all threats and recriminations this 
 time, and merely went on the tack of defending my- 
 self. 
 
 To this letter I received an answer, in which my hus- 
 band said he had heard the reports of my conduct in 
 Melbourne on undoubted authority, but refused to give 
 up the names of my accusers. 
 
 Several letters passed between us, holding out the olive 
 branch on my side, and refusing it, on the plea of my 
 letters from Australia, on his. 
 
 At last, however, he wrote me to say that he believed 
 himself to have been mistaken, and should join me on 
 the following day. 
 
 I was elated at my success, but not a spark of the old 
 love stirred in my breast at the idea of seeing him 
 again. 
 
 I went out early the next morning, and engaged rooms 
 at a hotel (as I did not wish to force Lord Annesley's 
 company on my relations), and having told the manager 
 that I expected my husband to join me in the afternoon, I 
 dressed, and was about to start to meet him at the railway 
 station when a telegram was put into my hand. 
 
 17 
 
258 THE NOBLJEB SEX. 
 
 " Cannot j6in you. Have changed my mind. Further 
 evidence forthcoming. Letter to follow." 
 
 I was furious at this message, and determined I would 
 not be made a fool of before my family and the hotel- 
 keeper. However, I waited for the promised letter 
 which ran as follows : 
 
 " Since writing to you last, facts have come to my 
 knowledge that have made me resolve never to see you 
 again. The rumours of your conduct whilst in Melbourne 
 I might have overlooked, or believed to be untrue ; but 
 when I hear that since your return to England you have 
 been seen driving about London with the man whose inten- 
 tions you know I suspect, I feel you must be dead to all 
 sense of propriety. You are a false wife and a false 
 woman. I therefore rescind my proposal of yesterday, 
 and decline to meet you again." 
 
 This epistle staggered me. Of course the person he 
 alluded to was Mr. Burrage, but who could have told 
 him such an immitigated falsehood in the attempt to 
 injure me ? But I had no time to work out such a puzzle. 
 I felt that the crisis of my fate with regard to Lord 
 Annesley had arrived, and that I must make a bold 
 stroke for victoiy at once, or give in for ever. 
 
 I therefore wrote back to him : 
 
 " I shall remain at this hotel for two days longer. 
 Either come to me here or never again, for I swear 
 before heaven that if you refuse me the chance of excul- 
 pating myself from the cowardly accusations you have 
 brought against me, I wUl separate from you /or ever." 
 
 This threat (notwithstanding his own) had the desired 
 effect, and I received an answer by telegram to say he 
 should join me on the following afternoon. 
 
 Early in the morning a note was brought me in the 
 handwriting of Rose Nugent, the girl who had been with 
 me on my fiist theatrical tour. 
 
 I have mentioned this young woman before as having 
 been the object of a flirtation on Lord Annesley's part, 
 
THE NOBLEB. SEX. 
 
 259 
 
 but his flirtations had been so numerous, that by this 
 time I thought little of them. She wrote in the most 
 cordial terms, congratulating me on my return to 
 England, and asking me to come over as soon as possible 
 and pay her a visit. As she dated from lodgings close 
 to the hotel,_and I was excited and Ul at ease, I walked to 
 her rooms directly after breakfast, pour passer le temps. 
 
 I found her extremely effusive — much more so than she 
 had ever presumed to be in the olden days— and full of 
 curiosity about what I was doing and going to do. Pres- 
 ently she mentioned my husband's name. 
 
 "His lordship is with you of course," she said. 
 
 "No," I answered, "unfortunately he is not. Lord 
 Annesley and I have had a little difference. Have you 
 not heard of it ? " 
 
 She opened her eyes wide with surprise. 
 
 "No. How should I? I have never seen him but 
 once since you left the company. But it is not serious, 
 surely?" 
 
 " I don't know yet whether it will be serious, or not," 
 I replied ; " but I expect to see him in Bournemouth this 
 afternoon, and then it will be decided." 
 
 " Oh ! I am sure it will be all right," she exclaimed 
 fervently. " So fond as you used to be of him too. And 
 if he arrives, will you both promise to come and see me 
 play in ' Good for Nothing,' at the theatre to-night ? " 
 
 " I can promise nothing. Rose, because I don't even 
 know what is going to happen," I replied ; " but if Lord 
 Annesley wishes to go to the theatre to-night, I will 
 accompany him." 
 
 " That's a dear," cried the young lady, " and I shall look 
 out for you both in the stage-box." We then talked of 
 other subjects, but Miss Nugent did not forget to remind 
 me of what I had promised before we parted. 
 
 The first news that greeted me on returning to the 
 hotel was that Lord Annesley was waiting for me in my 
 private room. He had come down to Bournemouth in 
 the morning, instead of the afternoon. My heart seemed 
 to stop beating as I heard it. But I managed to mount 
 the staircase and enter the apartment. There he stood 
 beside the mantelpiece, looking a good deal older and 
 redder in the face, and stouter at first sight than he used 
 
260 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 to do, but smiling urbanely, as if there were no cause for 
 estrangement between us. 
 
 He even advanced, with outstretched arms, as if to 
 embrace me, but I set my back against the door and 
 waved him off. 
 
 "Don't touch me," I exclaimed, "until you have given 
 me the explanation I require. Who are my accusers? 
 And of what do they accuse me ? " 
 
 I looked him fearlessly in the face as I put the ques- 
 tion, and I saw his blue eyes quail beneath mine. But 
 all the answer he made was : 
 
 " Nothing, nothing. Let us forget that anything has 
 ever occurred between us. MoUie ! Come to my arms 
 and make me happy again. 
 
 He held out his arms for the second time as he spoke, 
 and I saw the tears running down his cheeks. I stood 
 bewildered at the sight. 
 
 Had I been dreaming, or was this the man who had 
 gone about London vilifying my character to all my 
 friends ? 
 
 " Do you know what you have done ? " I said at length. 
 " That you have made me sink still lower in the eyes of 
 the world than I had smik before." 
 
 " Forget it ! forgive it ! " he exclaimed, bursting into 
 tears. " I was mad. I didn't know what I was saying. 
 I have been so miserable ever since we parted. Only 
 ' forgive it aU, and come back to me." 
 
 A great compassion welled up in my heart. I know it 
 was weak and foolish and inexcusable, but my little re- 
 sentment melted before his tears like snow beneath the 
 sun. 
 
 They put him on a level with a child in my estimation, 
 and I began to question whether I— the stronger and the 
 wiser of the two — shoiild ever have left this poor silly 
 creature to himself and his weak imaginings. 
 
 I even asked myself if I were not more to blame than 
 he was. 
 
 I recalled the remark of a clever doctor who attended 
 us when first we were married, when referring to some 
 action of Lord Annesley's: "Have you not yet found 
 out that your husband is the greatest boy of his age, 
 extant?" 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 261 
 
 He seemed like a great boy to me now — almost irre- 
 sponsible for his actions— and I persuaded myself I had 
 been hard on him. 
 
 " Have you really been so miserable without me, Davie ? " 
 I said softly. 
 
 He reached out his hand and pulled me to him, and 
 kissed me passionately. 
 
 " I have not lived, MoUie, since you left me at Tilbury 
 Docks," he answered, as he gazed into my eyes. 
 
 All the rest can be imagined. I returned his embrace 
 and (as the children say) we " made it up." 
 
 Still, I was resolved to hear from whom Lord Annes- 
 ley had received his information concerning me. 
 
 " For you owe it to me," I argued, " to give me a chance 
 of refutation. Either ■ it is true, or it is false. If it is 
 false, you must contradict it. If it is true, I am not fit 
 to live with you." 
 
 He swore that he would never let me go again, and 
 tried to put me off with various excuses, but I kept him 
 to the point, and at last it transpired that the ground 
 upon which my good name had been taken from me, was 
 actually only his own assured belief that, " no woman 
 could live for a twelvemonth by herself and remain vir- 
 tuous." 
 
 Lord Annesley cried again when he confessed the truth 
 to me, and acknowledged he had been wrong, but en- 
 treated me at the same time to be more generous than 
 himself, and ignore all that he had done against me. 
 
 In the end, I consented to condone it, and begin life 
 anew. 
 
 After that we recovered our spirits and had luncheon 
 together, in the course of which I cursorily mentioned 
 my visit of the morning, and the request that Eose Nu- 
 gent had made to me about the theatre. 
 
 " Should you care to go, Davie ? " I asked. 
 
 He brightened up wonderfully at the idea. 
 
 "I should like it exceedingly," he replied; "and why 
 shouldn't we go and call on her now ? I should like to 
 see little Rose Nugent again. Go and change your dress, 
 MoUie, and we'll walk over to her rooms together." 
 
 I would rather he had negatived the proposal altogether. 
 We had been separated for twelve months, and after so 
 
262 THE NOBLjER sex. 
 
 painful a meeting I would have preferred to spend a quiet 
 day with him, exchanging confidences that might have 
 salved over some of the hitterness we had passed 
 through. 
 
 But Lord Annesley had never been a companion for 
 private life. In a ballroom, or at a garden party, per- 
 haps, he could chatter unceasingly, and pay whispered 
 compHments, which made the women giggle and blush, 
 and declare he was charming. 
 
 But the sole use he made of his own fireside was to 
 sleep at it, so perhaps I lost little by agreeing to accom- 
 pany him to the theatre, but I drew a line at the after- 
 noon visit. If we went out at all my sisters were cer- 
 tainly the first people we must call upon. So Lord An- 
 nesley, in a good temper for the nonce, went with me to 
 see Elinor and Letty, and quite disgusted them by his 
 nonchalant air and bearing. In the evening we secured 
 the stage-box at the theatre, and Miss Nugent soon per- 
 ceived our presence there, and sent many a smile in our 
 direction. Once I detected her in the act of elevating her 
 eyebrows at Lord Annesley, but as she had said she 
 knew nothing of our quarrel, I did not imderstand her 
 evincing surprise at seeing us together. As we left the 
 theatre my husband veered towards the stage door. 
 
 " Where are you going, Davie ? " I asked ; " that is not 
 the way home." 
 
 " Oh, we must wait for little Rosie Nugent," he replied. 
 " She'll think it unkind of us to go home without her." 
 
 "We shall have to wait a long time whilst she changes 
 her dress," I said. 
 
 However, we did wait, though I was dreadfully tired 
 after the excitement and fatigue of the day, and when 
 Miss Nugent at length appeared Lord Annesley at once 
 invited her to come back to the hotel and have supper. 
 
 She stayed with us at least an hour, after which I can 
 remember that my husband saw her home. 
 
 The next morning (bemg Sunday) as we were seated 
 at the breakfast table. Miss Nugent walked in again, 
 " dressed to Mil." 
 
 "Oh! you lazy people," she exclaimed facetiously. 
 " Are you not going to see the church parade ? Every- 
 body will be there." 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 263 
 
 " I cannot go," I answered, " for I have a heap of let- 
 ters to write this morning." 
 
 " Won't your lordship take compassion on me, then ? " 
 asked Miss Nugent insinuatingly. " I can't walk on the 
 Esplanade by myself." 
 
 " Delighted ! " exclaimed Lord Annesley, springing 
 from his seat, but at the same time saying to me, " You 
 won't mind, will you, my darling ? " 
 
 " Certainly not," I answered, for to tell the truth I 
 wanted to think over all that had occurred, and was not 
 sorry to get rid of them. 
 
 I had a difficult task before me — to write and tell those 
 friends before whom I had almost sworn I would never 
 live with Lord Annesley again, that I had condoned every- 
 thing and was once more his willing slave. I knew how 
 contemptible they would consider my weakness, and how 
 they would say they washed their hands of me for ever. 
 
 And yet, though ashamed, I was happy. I had suffered 
 so much, and for so long. I was so weary of contention 
 and strife that (like Gladstone) I welcomed peace at any 
 price, added to which the old glamour was on me again. 
 It could not shut my eyes for one minute to the wrong 
 that had been done me, but I tried to find an excuse for 
 it in thinking that my husband's faults were due rather 
 to the weakness than the depravity of his nature. 
 
 " He is a fool," I said to myself, " there is no doubt of 
 that, and he has no moral strength, and when I am absent 
 he is lost without me. His jealousy was roused by his 
 own foolish fancies, and he judged me by his knowl- 
 edge of himself. It was pitifully wrong, it was wicked 
 of him to spread such a scandal; but he thought 
 I was resolved to separate from him, and he wanted an 
 excuse for my desertion. It was wrong all through, and 
 most cruel to me, but he has always been queer in his 
 head, and if it sprang from a diseased brain I ought to 
 pity and forgive him." 
 
 That was how I tried to defend the weakness of which 
 I had been guilty. But to my friends I was too proud to 
 make any excuse. After all, what business was it of 
 theirs ? The man was my husband, and I had a right to 
 live with him — more, it was my business to do so. I 
 therefore briefly announced the determination I had ar- 
 
264 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 rived at to all those whom it concerned, and told them we 
 should stay for a few weeks in Bournemouth before 
 returning to town. To these epistles succeeded an omi- 
 nous silence; the recipients evidently had no congratula- 
 tions to offer me, but I cared little for that. 
 
 Once more for a brief space I was happy ; once more I 
 tried to believe in my husband's love for me, which had 
 never been more fervently expressed than now. My own 
 love for him was not yet dead, hardly as it had been tried, 
 and I dehvered myself up to its influence. 
 
 Davie and I were once more lovers. We spent hours 
 on the sea beach or roaming through the pine woods of 
 Bournemouth, and the dark past rolled from us like an 
 evil dream, which one can afford to shudder at when the 
 morning breaks. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 265 
 
 CHAPTER XXXII, 
 
 I GO TO A BOAEDESTG-HOUSE. 
 
 When I agreed with my heart to condone Lord Annes- 
 ley's offences, I determined that I would not forgive him 
 hy halves. I never mentioned the subject nor allowed 
 him to do so, and I must say that he religiously avoided 
 alluding to it. I paid over all the money I had made in 
 Melbourne to his banker, and told him to expend it just 
 as he chose. It was a large sum, and I will do him the 
 justice to say that, at first, he refused to accept it. I 
 think for once in his life he felt a little ashamed of him- 
 self. But I never was a woman who had much prudence 
 in money matters. 
 
 I do not care for money, except for what it may bring. 
 I should not care to make it, except for the need of those 
 I love. And I could not live under the same roof as my 
 husband and put him to the daUy humiliation of having 
 to ask me to unloose my purse-strings. 
 
 I sat down penniless again but (as I fondly thought) 
 all the richer for the loss, if by it I had regained Lord 
 Annesley's love. 
 
 One stipulation he had made was, that I must not 
 leave him again, and I felt that he was right. I there- 
 fore relinquished my plan of returning to Australia, and, 
 cancelling my half-formed engagements, settled down 
 quietly to write. We remained at Bournemouth for two 
 months, during which time nothing occurred to disturb 
 our new-born peace. Davie was out of the way of temp- 
 tation, and devoted all his time and attention to me. 
 
 But one morning as I was sitting by myself, deeply 
 engaged over the fortunes of my hero and heroine, a let- 
 ter with the Melbourne postmark was brought to me. It 
 was one, which had arrived there from England after my 
 departure and been re-addressed by my friend Mrs. Mil- 
 lerson. The handwriting was unknown to me and I 
 
266 THE NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 opened it with mechanical indifference. It contained, 
 folded in a blank sheet of note paper, four or five leaves 
 cut from a Letts' Diary for the current year, and covered 
 closely with entries, annotated in pencil on the margin. 
 
 At the heading of the first sheet was written, " Read 
 these papers carefully. R. IST. stands for Rose Nugent — 
 L. C. for Laura CaUender. The rest you must find out 
 for yourself." 
 
 I turned to the entries curiously. They were in Lord 
 Annesley's writing and had evidently been cut from his 
 diary of that year, in which he had been imprudent 
 enough to condemn himself on every page. I suppose 
 such a case was hardly ever known before, but the man 
 was so conceited, that he had been unable to resist the 
 pleasure of recording his conquests, if only for his own 
 gratification. My face burned, as I perused the proofs of 
 his infidelities to me — of his intimacy vrith Rose Nugent 
 and Mrs. CaUender, and several others, to whose identity 
 the initials gave me no clue. I did more than burn. I 
 wept bitterly, not so much on account of the facts re- 
 vealed to me, but because Davie had so strenuously 
 denied that he had given me any cause for jealousy dur- 
 ing my absence. If he had only had the courage to con- 
 fess his errors, they would hare been forgiven with the 
 rest. But a lie I have always held in utter contempt. 
 My first thought, after the injury to myself, was to dis- 
 cover who could have had any interest in betraying Lord 
 Annesley to his wife. I examined the envelope carefully. 
 But the writing had either been skilfully disguised, or 
 was that of a stranger. It told me nothing. The letter, 
 I could see from the postmark, had left England on the 
 4th of March, the same day I had quitted Melbourne. 
 The sender, therefore, could have known nothing of my 
 movements. 
 
 My friend, Mrs. Millerson, had only waited for my 
 departure, to leave her home on a visit to some friends, 
 and the letter must have laid at her house till her return, 
 which accounted for its delay in reaching me. 
 
 I felt sure that the person who had extracted the leaves 
 from the diary was a woman, because their jagged edges 
 proved they had been cut with a pair of scissors, instead 
 of a knife ; but as they all referred to the period which 
 
THE NOBLER BEX. 267 
 
 Lord Annesley had spent in the Bayswater boarding- 
 house, there were probably several women residing there 
 at the same time, and to look for the culprit would be 
 like searching for the time-honoured needle in the stack 
 of hay. 
 
 Well, what was I to do about it ? 
 
 Was I to make it the subject of a fresh quarrel and 
 stifle the newly-revived affection which had made me so 
 happy ? Would that be wise ? I decided in the nega- 
 tive. These disgraceful acts were part of the past, which 
 I had condoned without reserve ; therefore I felt I had 
 no right to upbraid my husband with them, however dis- 
 appointed I might feel. 
 
 A bitter pang shot through me, as I remembered that 
 even after we had met again, Davie had encouraged the 
 presence and apparently enjoyed the society of Miss 
 Nugent, when, if he had felt any shame or sorrow for the 
 past; he would have avoided both. I marvelled also to 
 think how (when conscious of his own shortcomings) he 
 could have had the heart to accuse me without cause. 
 But it was all part and parcel of the same injury and I 
 had forgiven it. 
 
 My eyes were very red and inflamed. When Lord An- 
 nesley returned home he inquired the reason at once. 
 
 My answer was to place the envelope and its contents 
 in his hand. He grew red and looked very uneasy, as he 
 perceived what it contained, but his chief anger was 
 directed towards the person who had abstracted the 
 leaves from his diary. He produced the book from his 
 writing desk, and finding the places, showed me where 
 the pages had been cut out. 
 
 " Who could have done it ? " he kept on repeating. 
 " I always kept it locked up. Some one must have pur- 
 loined my key. Good heavens ! Mollie, I might have had 
 everything that I possess stolen." 
 
 " Never mind that now," I said, disappointed that he 
 had offered no sort of apology to me. " You have them 
 back again, and you must take better care of your keys for 
 the future. But oh, Davie," I added, laying my hand 
 on his arm, " why did you ever make such entries ? " 
 
 " Now, you're going to blow me up," he replied, " and 
 I can't stand it. Look here, Mollie, if you had written 
 
268 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 me word you were coming back to me, this would never 
 have happened, and so you've no right to say anything 
 about it." 
 
 " I know it," I answered with a sigh, " and I never mean 
 to say another word, unless you force me to do so by a 
 repetition of such conduct. Let it be buried with the 
 past. Only, Davie, my darling, you must promise me 
 one thing. Never bring me in contact with any of those 
 women, whether I know them or not, and give them up 
 yourself, as entirely as you would wish me to do." 
 
 "I promise you" he said impressively. 
 
 " I believe you," I replied, " and in token of it, take 
 this and wear it for my sake." 
 
 As I spoke, I drew from my finger a diamond ring of 
 considerable value, which had belonged to my mother 
 and been left me in her will. 
 
 My husband had often admired and coveted this ring, 
 and I felt pleased to be able to give it to him now. 
 
 " Diamonds typify truth and purity," I added ; " let 
 the sight of them keep you true and pure, Davie, and 
 then our present happiness will never decrease." 
 
 ifc^ "present happiness" had been somewhat roughly 
 disturbed by this discovery, but I tried hard to shake off 
 the depression it caused me, and not to allow it to make 
 any difference in my behaviour to my husband. 
 
 N'ot so, however, with regard to the false friends, who 
 had taken advantage of my absence to betray me. I not 
 only resolved never to speak to them again, but I sent 
 them word of my resolution. And then I schooled my- 
 self to ignore the whole affair, though it never ceased to 
 eat into my soul. 
 
 Husbands are prone to imagine that their infidelities 
 are of small account, compared to those of their wives. 
 Because they cannot iajure the purity of the family tie, 
 by their irregularities, they hold them (as the law does) 
 to be the less culpable of the two, and therefore it is folly 
 of women to make so much fuss about them. They 
 forget that, where the Mart is concerned, the family in- 
 tegrity is a secondary consideration, and the man who 
 comes back polluted to the embraces of his wife, is quite 
 as loathsome in her sight as she could be (under similar 
 circumstances) in his. The rights that women want, and 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 269 
 
 which will some day be theirs, are the rights to demand 
 purity in their husbands as well as in themselves. The 
 man thinks himself a very fine fellow to have four or five 
 strings to his bow. The woman thinks bim a lustful, 
 selfish coward to take advantage of her legal impotency, 
 to insult and wound her, in the best part of her nature. 
 
 How my trust was rewarded, I have still to tell. The 
 seaside season was waning now and we intended to win- 
 ter in London. But we had no home to go to. Lord An- 
 nesley had let our house furnished for twelve months, 
 six of which only had expired. 
 
 He proposed, therefore, that we should take up our 
 residence in the boarding-house in Bayswater, where I 
 had called to see him. 
 
 " Mrs. Berners is a very nice little woman, and will do 
 her utmost to make us comfortable," he said ; " and she 
 will be proud to receive such a distinguished person as 
 yourself in her house. Besides, as the boarders all knew 
 that we had quarrelled, it will be just as weU to let them 
 see that we are friends again." 
 
 But I shrank from the idea. It seemed such a humil- 
 iation to me. I could not forget Mrs. Berners' mocking 
 glance, nor the way she had treated me, as if I had told 
 an untruth in saying I was Lord Annesley's wife. 
 
 " I could not go there, Davie," I replied. " I took such 
 a dislike to the woman. She was painted up to her eyes 
 at ten o'clock in the morning. She did not look at all as 
 if she were a proper person." 
 
 My husband seemed annoyed. 
 
 " How ill-natured you women are," he said, "always 
 making the worst of one another. All I know is that 
 Mrs. Berners did her best to be kind to me, at a time 
 when I sorely needed kindness, and I shall always be 
 grateful to her for it." 
 
 I went up to the back of his chair and laid my lips 
 upon his head. 
 
 " Davie," I began, a little shyly (for any allusion to his 
 gallantries generally made him angry), " don't be cross 
 with me, if I am going to say something very silly ; but 
 do you know, when I first saw Mrs. Berners I fancied, 
 somehow, that you had made love to her. Can you assure 
 me it was not so ? " 
 
270 THU NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 Lord Annesley bounced from his chair, like an india- 
 rubber ball. 
 
 " Good God ! " he exclaimed, " what on earth will you 
 fancy next ? Am I never to be free from your suspicions ? 
 Is every woman I have ever spoken to to come under the 
 same ban ? How many more people will you accuse me 
 of making love to ? " 
 
 " Don't be so angry about it," I replied. " I only wanted 
 to remind you of your promise to me. But if you really 
 wish me to go to Bayswater, of course it must be all 
 right." 
 
 " I do wish you to go there," he said, " at all events for 
 a few days ; and then, if you don't like it, we will move 
 elsewhere." 
 
 However, I did like it. Mrs. Berners had completely 
 changed her behaviour towards me. She received me 
 with the utmost respect and was most civil and obliging. 
 "We engaged her drawing-room suite, and settled our- 
 selves down for the winter, only joining the public table 
 for dinner. 
 
 We had not been at the boarding-house long before my 
 husband's relative, Ernest Vane, made his appearance, 
 and took to " dropping in " two and three times a week. 
 
 This was the man to whom I had taken so strong a 
 dislike on our first acquaintance at Teddington, but Davie 
 appeared to have seen a great deal of him during my 
 absence, and to look upon him as ^lasfldus achates. Mr. 
 Vane possessed the type of face I most dislike, with full 
 sensual eyes and a weak mouth. I don't know why his 
 manners should have irritated me to the extent they did, for 
 he always professed the deepest esteem for me), but he 
 had a most unpleasant habit of praising my husband's 
 looks and figure and general appearance before strangers, 
 which struck me as unnecessarily fulsome and offensive. 
 He would clap him on the back and look at me whilst 
 he said, "Here's the most faithful husband in aU the 
 world. If you had but known, Lady Annesley, how he 
 could neither eat, drink nor sleep for thinking of you 
 during your absence, you would never have stayed away 
 so long. " 
 
 And Lord Annesley would stretch out his tall figure 
 beneath Mr. Vane's caressing touch, and look up sen- 
 
THE NOBLMB SEX. 271 
 
 timentally at him until I lost patience with both of them. 
 If this man had been so intimate a friend of my husband, 
 who loved to boast of his dealings with the fair sex, he 
 must have known he was mocking me by his eulogiums. 
 One day, when Mr. Vane was talking a lot of nonsense 
 about Davie's strict fidelity to me, I was cruel enough to 
 say: 
 
 "Lord Annesley the most faithful husband ia the 
 world ? God help the faithless ones then ! " which made 
 both men turn the subject with a rapidity equalled only 
 by legerdemain. Ernest Vane continued to visit at the 
 boarding-house because he happened to be in hot pursuit 
 of a pretty French widow who was staying there, but he 
 always came in the evening, and I never saw him alone. 
 
 Lord Annesley and I had the drawing-room to ourselves, 
 but it struck me after awhile that Mrs. Berners made a 
 very free use of it. My husband used to say : " Ask her 
 to come in this evening, MoUie. She has known such a 
 heap of trouble, poor woman, and it does her good to talk 
 to you and hear you sing." 
 
 So I used to do so, for she was a chatty little person 
 and pleasant company, until she waited for no invitation, 
 but came and went as she chose. 
 
 As persons in our position are not generally found in 
 boarding-houses, Lord Annesley and I were made a great 
 deal of, and our wishes deferentially attended to. Still, 
 it hurt me sometimes to hear the authoritative way in 
 which my husband would speak to Mrs. Berners — scolding 
 her openly for faults in the cooking or house management 
 until she would rise and leave the dinner-table in tears. 
 I could not understand it from him, who was usually 
 so more than polite to women, still less that she, as 
 mistress of the establishment, should take correction 
 before her boarders so tamely. Why didn't she assert 
 her dignity and tell Lord Annesley that if he didn't ap- 
 prove of her way of ordering things he could leave her 
 house. Once or twice I remonstrated with Davie on the 
 subject, but he treated it with the utmost nonchalance. 
 
 "Rubbish," he would exclaim, "it will do her good. 
 Let her cry. Don't we pay to be properly fed and looked 
 after? The fact is she's too lazy to correct her servants, 
 and if she can't manage things better, we must go." 
 
272 THE NOBLES SEX. 
 
 Sometimes he would whisper to her when a dish was 
 spoiled, and I, sitting next to him, could not avoid hear- 
 ing what he said. 
 
 " Sarah here again ! Why will you keep that drunken 
 creature about the house to ruin all our meals ? "Well, 
 you must take the consequences. I have told you plainly. 
 Either she goes or I take my wife away." 
 
 And Mrs. Berners would cry and say : 
 
 " What can I do, Lord Annesley ? The servants won't 
 stop in their places nowadays, and Sarah is the only one 
 I can depend upon to help me in a strait." 
 
 I was rather curious on the subject of this woman 
 whom they called Sarah. I had never seen her, but I had 
 heard her. Once, after we had all retired to bed, there 
 had been a fearful uproar in the house, accompanied by 
 bad language and the soimd of smashing of glass and 
 china, and on that occasion the disturbance was all due 
 (so my husband told me) to the presence of this drunken 
 cook upon the premises. 
 
 " But why does Mrs. Berners allow her to enter the 
 house ? " I naturally asked. 
 
 " I believe she's an old servant of the family," he an- 
 swered, " and has some claim upon her. However, if she 
 doesn't get rid of her, we must go, for I will not stand it 
 any longer." 
 
 I conclude Lord Annesley had a quarrel with Mrs. Ber- 
 ners on the subject, for the following morning, as I was 
 descending the stairs on my way out of the house, I heard 
 a succession of terriflo shrieks issuing from the lady's 
 bedroom, which was on the ground floor next the diniag- 
 room. 
 
 I entered at once, to see what was the matter. To my 
 surprise Lord Annesley was there before me, trying to 
 loosen Mrs. Berners' bodice, whilst she was as stiff as a 
 deal board imder an attack of hysteria, and screamed 
 without ceasing. 
 
 " How did you come here ? " I asked of my husband, my 
 sympathy considerably lessened on finding him in attend- 
 ance on the invalid, " and what is all the noise about ? " 
 
 " Can't you see," he answered, testily, « that the woman 
 is in hysterics ? I heard her call out from the next room, 
 and ran ia to her assistance. I know how to manage her. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 273 
 
 I have often seen her in them before. I think (if you 
 don't mind, MoUie) that you had better leave the room. 
 She is always worse before strangers." 
 
 " Why don't you summon Sarah to her ? " I asked as 
 I went on my way. 
 
 I thought it very unnecessary that Lord Annesley 
 should cut Mrs. Berners' laces when she went into 
 hysterics, but I did not attribute his sohcitude to any 
 cause but kindness. Had he not given me Ms word of 
 honour that I should not be brought in contact with 
 any one who had contributed to the unhappiness of my 
 married life? 
 
 18 
 
274 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXni. 
 
 I AM FALSELY ACCUSED. 
 
 Shortly after this occurrence, I had occasion to keep my 
 bed for a few days, and Mrs. Berners was very attentive 
 to me during that time. She often set my room in order 
 herself, and always accompanied the servant who did so, 
 to see that no more noise was made than was absolutely 
 necessary. But one morning (whether she was out or off 
 guard, I cannot say), I was quite alone, when an old and 
 very dirty-looMng woman entered, with a broom in her 
 hand. 
 
 " Who are you? " I enquired. 
 
 She stepped to the foot of the bed and regarded me 
 earnestly. 
 
 " I'm Sarah, my lady, and I've come to tidy up your 
 room a bit." 
 
 " Oh ! you are Sarah, are you ? " I replied. " I've heard 
 of you, but I've never seen you before." 
 
 " No, my lady. They wouldn't let you," she said, as 
 she turned away reluctantly, and commenced her work. 
 As I watched her sweeping the floor and dusting the fur- 
 niture, I thought what a drunken, dishevelled looking 
 creature she was. As her avocation brought her near 
 the bed, she stopped, and looked again at me. 
 
 " So you are my Lady Annesley," she said. " I didn't 
 think you'd be so young, and so handsome. SJie ain't to 
 be compared to you. You didn't ought to be in this 
 house. Why do you stay here ? " 
 
 I laughed, and told her it was convenient to do so, 
 until our own was ready for us. 
 
 " 'Tisn't a fit place for such as you," she went on mut- 
 tering. " It's dirty and ill-managed. You'd better go. 
 And she (with a jerk of the head, intended to indicate 
 Mrs. Berners) is a bad woman. She ain't fit to be a 
 friend to you. She's the most lustful, drunken, lying 
 
THE NOBLES, SEX. 275 
 
 woman I ever see. I know her, and she knows I do. 
 She ought to be ashamed to keep you here. You take 
 my advice, my lady, and go." 
 
 " I cannot hear you speak of your mistress like that, 
 Sarah," I said. " You must either be silent, or you must 
 leave the room. You have no right to abuse the lady 
 whose wages you take." 
 
 " Wages ! " she repeated scornfully. " It's little of her 
 money I've ever seen. She owes me pounds and pounds, 
 my lady, else she'd be glad enough to get rid of me, for I 
 knows a deal too much. I wish I could tell you more, 
 but I dursn't. They're bad'uns, both on 'em. And if you 
 knew all, my lady, you wouldn't be here another night." 
 
 And with this parting adjuration, Sarah left the room. 
 
 As soon as I saw Lord Annesley, I told him all that 
 had occurred, and he was exceedingly angry about it. 
 He fell into one of his stormy passions, and declared that 
 if I had been well enough to move he should have left 
 the house at once. I believe there was a terrible disturb- 
 ance over it downstairs, for Mrs. Berners crept up to 
 my room, with her eyes nearly swollen out of her head 
 with crying, to apologize for the intrusion, and assure 
 me it should never happen agaia. She said that Sarah 
 had been sent out of the house and would never be per- 
 mitted to re-enter it. 
 
 What the servant had said, however, had opened my 
 eyes upon several points. When I came to consider the 
 subject, I had no doubt left in my mind, that Mrs. Ber- 
 ners took more stimulant than was good for her. 
 
 That accounted to me for the hysterics and the tears 
 and the mismanagement. 
 
 Drink is the woman's " open sesame " to every kind of 
 vice. She never confines herself (as the man may do) to 
 drink alone. 
 
 As in her purer condition, she is purer than he is, so 
 when she sinks, she sinks beneath his level. A woman 
 seldom halts between two opinions. She is generally all 
 good, or (what the world terms) all bad. She has this 
 advantage over the male. What she does do, in the way 
 of morality or immorality, she generally does well. 
 
 As the cold weather set in, Mrs. Berners' proclivities 
 in this direction became more marked. At times, she 
 
276 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 was quite unfit to superintend her household, and would 
 retire to bed, leaving her boarders, like a helpless flock 
 of sheep, to the tender mercies of the German waiter and 
 any charwoman who might be reigning over the kitchen. 
 
 Things became more and more uncomfortable, and I 
 should have urged Davie to move at once, except that it 
 wanted but a few weeks to the time, when our tenants 
 would vacate our house. 
 
 On one occasion, however, Mrs. Bemers was so hope- 
 lessly incapable of 3,ttending to her business, that her 
 mother and sister were telegraphed for, to take the con- 
 trol of the establishment. 
 
 The sister was a Miss Fairchild, a young woman of 
 pleasant appearance and manners. 
 
 I noticed that she looked at me very hard when I was 
 introduced to her, but I was growing used to that. I 
 concluded she had heard my story, and was curious 
 regarding my personality. After a while, however, she 
 began to speak openly to me of Mrs. Berners' failings, 
 and expressed her surprise at finding me in the house. 
 
 " I couldn't believe my ears. Lady Annesley, when they 
 told me you had come here. It seemed incredible to me. 
 I should have liked to have written and warned you, 
 only I was afraid it would have looked like impertinence 
 and I didn't like to expose my sister." 
 
 I thought she alluded to Mrs. Berners' weakness, and 
 the fact of the house being kept so badly, and replied 
 that I certainly should not have gone there, had I thought 
 her sister such a careless manager. 
 
 Miss Fairchild looked at me iu a puzzled manner, as 
 if she were trying to determine if I were simple or cun- 
 ning, and then said, almost in old Sarah's words, " It is 
 not a fit house for you to stay in. Lady Annesley, and 
 his lordship should never have brought you here. I 
 was surprised that my sister should have shown so little 
 good feeling as to consent to receive you." 
 
 "When I repeated this conversation to my husband, he 
 told me that he knew Miss Fairchild of old — that she 
 was a meddlesome and mischief-making young cat, who 
 was jealous of her sister's good looks, and I was not to 
 believe a word she said about her. 
 
 A few days after this, Mrs. Berners appeared amongst 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 277 
 
 as again, considerably weakened by her late illness, and 
 apt to be easily affected by any over-indulgence. 
 
 In consequence we had several disgraceful scenes in 
 the household, and I spoke openly of my intention to 
 leave as soon as I could. I conclude this came to Mrs. 
 Berners' ears and incensed her against me, for one after- 
 noon, as she was lunching with her sister and myself 
 and some other ladies, she seized an opportunity to throw 
 a doubt upon my word, concerning some trivial matter, 
 and accompanied her assertion with two or three half- 
 drunken oaths, which so offended me, that I rose from 
 the table and left the room. 
 
 Miss Fairchild pursued me up the staircase. 
 
 " Where are you going, Lady Annesley ? " she asked. 
 
 "I hardly know," I answered, "but I cannot stand 
 your sister's rudeness any longer. I was thinking of 
 going out to look for some lodgings " 
 
 The yoimg woman followed me into my room. 
 
 " Oh ! do go," she said earnestly. " Forgive me for 
 speaking so, but you have been kind to me. Do leave 
 this house. It is contamination for such as you. I can- 
 not imagiae what Lord Annesley could have been think- 
 ing of to bring you here. Indeed — indeed — he should 
 have had more respect for you and for himself." 
 
 She spoke so seriously, that I began to think that I 
 must have got into some place, more terrible than I 
 could imagine, and hurrying on my walking things, I went 
 out and engaged some furnished apartments. 
 
 I took possession of them at once and sent a letter to 
 Lord Annesley by a messenger, explaining the reason of 
 my sudden departure, and asking him to see my boxes 
 dispatched to my new quarters. 
 
 He followed me the same evening, rather relieved (I 
 fancied) to have escaped so easily from Mrs. Berners, of 
 whose vagaries he also had begun to be a little weary. 
 
 In discussing the insult she had offered me, I re- 
 marked that I would never have any further commu- 
 nication with her, myself, and I concluded that he, too, 
 would wish to break off the acquaintance. 
 
 " Oh ! of course ! of course," he replied, in his irritable 
 manner. " What should I want to see the woman again 
 for ? I only took you there because I thought you would 
 
278 THE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 be more comfortable than in lodgings, and I should have 
 taken you away months ago, only you did not seem in- 
 clined to move." 
 
 "I was not," I replied, "so long as Mrs. Berners 
 behaved decently to me, but this last insult is one that 
 I would stand from nobody. Fancy, a woman swearing. 
 I told you I didn't like her at first sight, Davie. My in- 
 tuition never fails me. Sooner or later it is bound to 
 come true." 
 
 Lord Annesley muttered something about it being a 
 great pity I had ever stayed there at all, and then the 
 matter dropped. 
 
 A few weeks after we moved into our own house again 
 and, except for the sad experiences that divided the one 
 time from the other, we might have imagined we had 
 never left it, so familiar did everything about us appear. 
 Clarice was the first to congratulate us on our return to 
 the terrace, but somehow I was beginning to lose faith 
 in Clarice. I had always known her to be silly, but now 
 I suspected her of being false. 
 
 The mystery connected with Lord Annesley having 
 been told that I had been seen driving with Mr. Burrage 
 had never been cleared up, but Letty (who was always 
 more clear-sighted than myself) declared it could only 
 have emanated from Clarice. I denied the possibility of 
 such a thing, but I was still waiting for a proof that I 
 was right in denying it. 
 
 I had been working very hard one day, soon after our 
 return to the terrace, putting the house to rights again, 
 and introducing my new servants to their duties, and I 
 was thankful when the dinner hour arrived. Lord An- 
 nesley was generally very punctual in coming home at 
 seven o'clock, but this evening he was so late, that I had 
 the dinner put back and it was nine before I finally gave 
 him up and consented to its being served. At eleven, I 
 dismissed my tired servants to bed and prepared to sit 
 up for him myself. This was not my custom by any 
 manner of means, but I always felt nervous if my husband 
 stayed from home without sending me a telegram, and 
 the last words he had uttered on going out, were that I 
 was to be sure to have dinner ready at the minute, as he 
 was engaged at a smoking concert afterwards. His non- 
 
THB NOBLMB. SEX. 279 
 
 appearance, therefore, made me more anxious than usual 
 and I remained up ; trying to fix my attention on a 
 book, until two o'clock in the morning, when I heard his 
 latch-key turn in the haU door. As he entered the room 
 I observed that his face was as white as a sheet, which 
 was always with him a sign that he had been drinking. 
 
 " What on earth is the matter ? " I exclaimed rather 
 impatiently, as he appeared. " Where have you been aU 
 this time, and why didn't you send me a telegram to say 
 you weren't coming home to dinner ? " 
 
 " I have been with friends," he replied. 
 
 His coolness considerably vexed me. 
 
 " Well, you might have let me know," I said. " Here 
 have I been expecting you ever since seven o'clock, and 
 wondering what on earth could be the reason of your 
 absence. What have you been doing ? " 
 
 I hardly think it was an unreasonable question on the 
 part of a wife, but it lashed him into a fury. 
 
 " What have I been doing ? " he repeated loudly, as 
 he advanced towards me. " What have you been doing, 
 Lady Annesley, thafs more to the purpose. Who's been 
 here during my absence, kissing you and holding you on 
 his knee ? Vane, eh ? " 
 
 " Yane/" I repeated, incredulously. "Do you mean 
 Ernest Vane ? What about him ? " 
 
 " Oh ! you think I haven't found you out, do you ? " he 
 returned, coarsely, " but I've heard all about it, and on 
 the best authority. I know now how you used to amuse 
 yourself in Bayswater, when my back was turned. I've 
 heard of your disgraceful conduct with Vane — sitting on 
 his knee with your arm round his neck — and all the time 
 you were professing to love me and be faithful to me. 
 Faugh ! it's sickening." 
 
 And thereupon he commenced to swear and call me by 
 a string of names, which I would not pollute my pages 
 by recording. 
 
 " Silence," I cried authoritatively, as I rose from my 
 seat. " I have heard sufficient insults and will listen to 
 them no longer. What you have been told is a foul lie, 
 and the person who told you is a foul liar, and the proof 
 of it is that I have never been alone with Mr. Vane in 
 my life." 
 
280 THE NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 "I don't believe you," he retorted with drunken 
 obstinacy. " I have had it on the best authority." 
 
 " Give up your authority then." 
 
 " I refuse to do so, but she said " 
 
 " She" I interrupted him. " Tour credible authority, 
 then, is that disreputable woman Mrs. Bemers ? It is of 
 no use denjdng it. No one else in that house would have 
 dared to utter such a falsehood. And after her insults 
 to me and your promise to give up her acquaintance, you 
 have actually stooped so low as to creep back to her side 
 to listen to slanders of your wife. You have chosen a nice 
 judge of character, truly, to sit in condemnation upon 
 me." 
 
 Lord Annesley began to splutter that it was not Mrs. 
 Berners who had told him, but I knew he was lying. 
 
 " Well," he cried defiantly, when he recognized his in- 
 ability to convince me, " and if she did, what then ? Her 
 word is as good as your own. I have passed over a great 
 many things I shoidd have taken notice of. You denied 
 what Clarice told me about your driving in the park 
 with Burrage " 
 
 "Oh!" I exclaimed, interrupting him, "then it was 
 Clarice that uttered that falsehood of me. Thanks for 
 the information. I shall know how to deal with her, as 
 well as with Mrs. Berners." 
 
 " I never said it was Mrs. Berners," he blustered, per- 
 ceiving, even in his maudlin condition, that he had gone 
 too far, " and as for Clarice, I forbid you to mention the 
 subject to her. She told me in the strictest confidence, 
 and " 
 
 " Good-night," I said, as I swept past him and went 
 upstairs to share the bedroom with my maid. 
 
 What an overwhelming flood of contempt I felt for the 
 man. 
 
 What an abject craven he had made himself in my 
 eyes. 
 
 The next morning I descended to the breakfast-table, 
 ready equipped for walking. 
 
 "Where are you going?" demanded Lord Aimesley, 
 who looked much like a boy who expects a whipping. 
 
 " To my solicitor's," I answered, curtly. 
 
 " I forbid you to do it. I won't have this matter made 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 281 
 
 public. It's perfectly ridiculous to make such a fuss 
 about it." 
 
 " That may be your opinion. It's not mine," I said. 
 « Absurd as it may seem to you, I value the shred of 
 character you have left me and I intend to defend it 
 against the attacks of women lower than myself. I have 
 already written to Mr. Vane to tell him of the mutual 
 libel you have repeated of us, and I trust he will go to 
 law with you as well. If he has any spirit, or any con- 
 cern for his reputation he will." 
 
 I walked straight out of the house as I concluded, and 
 drove to my solicitor's. I had more success with him 
 than I had anticipated. He had been unable to help me 
 with regard to my husband's slander of me, but of Mrs. 
 Berners he made short work. 
 
 He was at her house before noon with a couple of 
 clerks for witnesses, and gave her the choice of refuting 
 her statements in writing, or standing a prosecution for 
 libel. 
 
 Mrs. Berners chose the first alternative, and her apology 
 was in my hands the following day. As my solicitor 
 gave it to me, he said, " She is evidently a thoroughly 
 depraved and unprincipled woman. As soon as she had 
 signed this retractation, she called after me, ' The man's 
 my lover, and was so all the time Lady Annesley was in 
 Australia ; and I have only to raise my little finger to 
 whistle him back again.' 
 
 " Of course it was only an idle boast, made to annoy 
 you," he continued, " but it shows the sort of woman she 
 IS. And now, Lady Annesley, what are you going to do 
 with regard to his lordship ? You must provide against 
 a repetition of this sort of thing. My advice to you is 
 to go out of town for a week or two, until I obtain a 
 written agreement from him, to give up Mrs. Berners' 
 acquaintance. He must write her a letter to that effect, 
 and place it in my hands. It is the least reparation he 
 can make you for the insult you have sustained." 
 
 " Yes ! yes ! I wUl go," I answered, for I felt utterly 
 crushed and broken by the fresh discovery I had made. 
 
 This was the upshot of the solemn promise Lord An- 
 nesley had given, not to bring me in contact with any of 
 the women who had come between us. He had, of his 
 
282 THE NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 OAvn free will and proposal, lodged me in the same house 
 as his mistress. 
 
 I turned sick and cold as I recognized fully the worth- 
 less and dishonourable character of the man I had done 
 so much for. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 283 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 
 I SUFFEE. 
 
 1 EETUENiiD home silent and depressed, and Lord Annes- 
 ley imagined I had found my application to the law un- 
 available, and rejoiced accordingly. I heard him chuckle 
 to himself as I walked through the hall and made no 
 sign of victory. As I went mechanically into the bed- 
 room I saw the diamond ring which I had given him 
 lying on the dressing-table — ^the ring of brillants which 
 had belonged to my father, a brave and honourable man, 
 who woiild have scorned to tell a lie — the ring which 
 was to have reminded Lord Annesley of purity and 
 truth. 
 
 He should not have it. He was not worthy to wear it 
 on his finger. I took it up and replaced it on my own. 
 Naturally, as soon as we met, he noticed it and asked 
 me why I had reassumed it. 
 
 " Because you have forfeited all claim to its posses- 
 sion," I rephed. "Because Thomas Malmaison's ring 
 shall never adorn the hand of Mrs. Berners' lover, nor 
 that of a man who can break his solemn oath without a 
 thought for the decencies of society." 
 
 He swore and blustered at me, but he made no effort 
 to reclaim the riag, and the next day I left London and 
 went down to Devonshire to stay with my sister Char- 
 lotte until something should be settled with regard to 
 my unhappy affairs. 
 
 There — my sister has since told me — she thought I 
 should go out of my mind. 
 
 Day after day and night after night I paced up and 
 down my room, with difficulty restraining myself from 
 screaming aloud, or leaping from the window and being 
 dashed to pieces in the garden below. 
 
 Hope, trust, love, truth — everything seemed dead and 
 gone to me. 
 
284 THE NOBLES, SEX. 
 
 What was the use of living after it? 
 
 This period of pain was a thousand times worse than 
 any I had experienced before, either in Australia or since 
 coming home. Then,- though I mourned Lord Annesley's 
 defection towards myself, I believed him true to my 
 rivals. Now I saw that he could be true to no one. 
 Then I had suffered from wounded pride and doubt and 
 suspense and fear. Now everything was over. I had no 
 doubt at all. 
 
 The man I had loved, and loved (God knows) most 
 dearly, was gone for ever, and in his stead I seemed to 
 see a loathsome, festering carcase, full of deceit and sen- 
 suality and dishonour. 
 
 My love for him which, like a womided animal, had 
 been for some time writhing in my "bosom, now died 
 completely, but from the strength and endurance it had 
 formerly exhibited it was very hard in dying. For some 
 weeks I felt as if it would not die, and yet I despised my- 
 self so thoroughly for cherishing any lingering feeling 
 for so despicable a creature, that I longed to be able to 
 strangle it, or take a heavy club and hit it on the head 
 and maJce it die. 
 
 Communications reached me during this period both 
 from Lord Annesley and my solicitor, but I took little 
 heed of them, though I knew that my husband had 
 written the letter demanded of him to Mrs. Berners, to 
 say that he had discovered she had wilfully deceived 
 him with regard to me, and declined all acquaintance 
 with her for the future. 
 
 But what good could that do me ? I had proved Lord 
 Annesley to be a man of no honour. He might write 
 fifty such letters under protest, but they would never 
 hold him where his given word could not. 
 
 At last, however, thank God, my mental conflict 
 ended. 
 
 I buried my dead affection deep in its dishonoured 
 gra,ve, and kept nothing to remind me that it had 
 existed. 
 
 Lord Annesley had made the amende honorable and the 
 next step was for me to return home. 
 
 Some! What a mockery the word seems when it 
 means to share the same dwelling with a man whom you 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 285 
 
 despise from tlie very bottom of your soul. Lord Annes- 
 ley (whose shallow nature held no impression long) was 
 ready to receive me back with open arms and kisses, and 
 many a joke about the terrible incident that had cast the 
 last shovelful of earth on the grave of my love for him. 
 
 When I had written him word that I was about to 
 return home, I told him candidly that thenceforth the 
 name of love would be a mockery between us, but that if 
 he would treat me with the ordinary civility a gentleman 
 accords a lady, I would still live under the same roof 
 with him. 
 
 But we must go our separate ways in life ; and so long 
 as he did not openly disgrace me I should not interfere 
 with him again. 
 
 We could have our own friends and our own pursuits 
 and keep up a show of friendliness for the sake of the 
 world, which had already handled our names too freely. 
 
 To this proposal Lord Annesley had agreed in writing, 
 but strongly resented my carrying it out in practice. He 
 was so intensely conceited ; he imagined it to be quite 
 impossible that any woman (however injured and insulted) 
 could be proof against his face and figure and fascination, 
 and made it a source of constant complaint that I was 
 not as warm and loving as I had been before. His vanity 
 required to be constantly fed with compliments and 
 caresses, or Ul-humour got the better of him and made 
 him irritable and quarrelsome. But, dating from this 
 period of my acquaintance with him, it is not too much 
 to say that my former love changed to perfect loathing, 
 and I hated him to come near me, since it only evoked the 
 remembrance of what had been, but could never be again. 
 
 A short time after my return home, I received a letter 
 from my oil friend Gervase Lawson, saying that he was 
 in London for a while and should like to call on me. 
 
 I have told how hard I tried, on my marriage with Lord 
 Annesley, to put every remembrance of Gervase Lawson, 
 however innocent, out of sight and mind. 
 
 I had done more than that. I had actually ceased (in 
 any way) to care for him. The active troubles of life had 
 droAvned all sentiment, and Gervase Lawson had become 
 a memory only. 
 
 Sometimes he wrote to me, but his letters raised no 
 
286 , THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 thoughts of, or regrets for, my first lover, whom I had 
 loved so passionately, and suffered so terribly for in the 
 old days at Placenta and Fingas di Rey. I hardly seemed 
 to recognize him in the friend who sent me such sober 
 letters, filled with descriptions of his six children and 
 praises of the goodness of their mother, with whom he 
 seemed to live in perfect peace and contentment from 
 year's end to year's end at Westmoreland Hall. 
 
 I felt unequivocally that I had no longer any share in 
 his aflEections, and I was glad to think so. Therefore, I 
 knew that I was cured of the old wound, and the present 
 misery had swamped the former one. This conviction 
 rendered the prospect of meeting Gervase Lawson again 
 quite pleasant and natural to me, for I stUl felt an interest 
 in his well-doing, and was a little curious also to see how 
 the world had treated him. It was many years now since 
 we had met — never, indeed, since we had parted at Brus- 
 sels. I knew that my escapade with Lord Annesley had 
 greatly affected him, and his letters had been far less 
 frequent since my second marriage. 
 
 This, however, I attributed to his religious sentiments, 
 which came more and more en evidence as youth receded 
 from him, and the craving after excitement subsided. 
 
 Stni, I should always feel a certain interest in him be- 
 cause of his connection with my early days, and when he 
 wrote me to appoint a time of meeting, I was pleased to 
 think that he should wish to see me again. 
 
 Before answering his letter, however, I carried it to 
 Lord Annesley, and told him what I proposed to do. I 
 asked him also if he would give up an afternoon at his 
 club, and stay at home to help me to receive Gervase 
 Lawson. 
 
 « Not I," he replied, « I hate your country bumpkins 
 and never know what to say to them. What should I 
 know of turnips and mangel wurzels — the only topics, 
 probably, that interest your friend ? " 
 
 " Still, I wish you could stay at home for that one 
 afternoon, Annesley. You know I told you aU about that 
 old affair, but though it was over years and years ago, 
 yet " 
 
 My husband interrupted me here with a coarse burst 
 of laughter. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 287 
 
 "Ho! ho! ho! ho! Do you imagine I'm likely to be 
 jealous, Mollie? You need not be afraid, my dear! I 
 would pay you the compliment if I could, but I can't." 
 
 "You have been jealous for less things," I said, 
 quickly. 
 
 " I was a great fool then. But I don't think you need 
 bother your head about it now. You have only to look 
 in the glass to see that it would take a good deal to make 
 a man jealous of you. I don't know what your age may 
 be: " 
 
 " How can you say such a thing ? When have I con- 
 cealed my age from you? I am thirty-five." 
 
 " Well ! you look fifty, if you look a day. I fancy it 
 wiU be quite safe for you to meet the fascinating Mr. 
 Lawson, without a chaperon, and you have my full per- 
 mission to do so." 
 
 " Oh ! why did I ever tell you about it," I said in a 
 tone of vexation. "As you observe, I am quite old 
 enough to order my own doings without interference 
 from any one." 
 
 " Quite, my dear ; more than quite," he replied sarcas- 
 tically, as he strolled out of the room. 
 
 He had certainly vexed me. I knew that trouble and 
 disappointment had made me pale and thin, and doubt- 
 less imattractive. But it is not pleasant to be told so. 
 
 I went up to my room, after Lord Annesley had left 
 me, and examined my face in the glass. Would Gervase 
 Lawson see so marked a change in me ? I was afraid he 
 would. My skin was as white as ever it had been, and 
 my hair as abundant. But my face was very pale, and 
 my cheeks had hollows in them, and my eyes looked 
 dull and lustreless. My figure, too, which used to be so 
 plump and rounded, had sadly fallen away. 
 
 Yes ! I was not much like the Mollie Malmaison who 
 had captured Gervase Lawson's heart on board the " Juan 
 Fernandez." But what mattered it? He, too, would 
 doubtless be much changed — perhaps grown stout and 
 red-faced like my husband, imder the influence of country 
 air and exercise. His eldest boy Ronald was fourteen 
 years old — only three years younger than my Nita. 
 
 At the thought of Nita my eyes overflowed. I had 
 never ceased to lament the loss of my child. But I did 
 
288 THE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 not even know where she was, and all efforts to obtain a 
 clue to her address from the Reverend Charles Stopford 
 and his wife had been met with scornful silence. 
 
 Perhaps, by this time, she was in the Brazils with her 
 father — she might even be married and lost to me in 
 name, as weU as personaUty. Oh ! no ! it would never do 
 for me to think of Mta. Ronald Lawson was growing 
 up, and his parents had brought him to town to settle 
 him at Eton. But Gervase had not proposed that his 
 wife should visit me. His letter only said that if I 
 would name a day and place, he would like to see me 
 again. I dried my eyes, and, sitting down at my writing- 
 table, appointed the following Wednesday for him to 
 meet me at my own home. I had fancied I should be 
 somewhat excited over the event, but when the day ar- 
 rived, my pulse was as calm as my features. I think the 
 waves of this troublesome world had washed all the fever 
 out of my heart, for I felt as passive as if I were going to 
 meet my sister. 
 
 Mr. Lawson's advent had been fixed for three o'clock. 
 I took a piece of needlework into the drawing-room, and 
 sat there, quietly awaiting his arrival. 
 
 But three o'clock and four o'clock and even five o'clock 
 struck, without his making his appearance, and when 
 Lord Annesley returned for his dinner at seven, I was 
 still sitting by myself and stitching at my embroidery, 
 as though I were to be paid for it, by the yard. 
 
 " Hullo ! " exclaimed my husband. " Has the gentle- 
 man gone ? Wouldn't stay to face me, eh ? Why didn't 
 you tell him I wasn't jealous, MoUie ? " 
 
 " I've had no opportunity to tell him anything," I an- 
 swered. " He has not kept his appointment with me." 
 
 " Oh dear ! that's very wrong. Not at all like ' Love's 
 young dream,' and all that sort of thing, is it ? I should 
 demand an explanation of Master Lawson for this, if I 
 were you. No excuse for a man breaking an appoint- 
 ment with a lady. It used not to be like this at Fingas 
 di Rey, I suppose, or I don't wonder at your declining 
 the honour of an elopement with him. Perhaps it was 
 he who didn't come up to the scratch after all. I 
 shouldn't wonder and you took all the credit to yourself. 
 Oh! MolUe! What a fib " 
 
THE NOBLMS. SEX. 289 
 
 I rose from my seat and prepared to go downstairs. 
 " Don't make me sorry at the eleventh hour that it didn't 
 come oflE, Annesley," I replied. "You know I have 
 treated you with perfect confidence in this matter, and 
 I must beg you to refrain from jesting about it. It only 
 recalls painful memories." 
 
 "Why I thought you had got over it," he went on in 
 the same bantering strain. " I am afraid I have been 
 rash in allowing you to invite him to the house. I shall 
 have to stay and play propriety, if you can persuade Mr. 
 Lawson to accept a second invitation." He continued, 
 notwithstanding my evident annoyance, to allude to the 
 same subject during the whole of dinner-time, whilst the 
 servant behind his chair swallowed in all that was said 
 on both sides. 
 
 As soon as I was at liberty, I wrote to Gervase Law- 
 son, asking for the reason he had not kept his appoint- 
 ment with me. 
 
 His excuse (not received till two days later) was a very 
 lame one. He commenced by stating he had made a mis- 
 take as to the date of meeting, and then went on to say, 
 that he had been imprudent enough to show my letter to 
 Mrs. Lawson, and she had made so strenuous an objec- 
 tion to his coming to my house, that he felt compelled to 
 give the project up. His wife was in delicate health (he 
 added) and he could not think of doing anything to up- 
 set her, so he thought it better to give up the idea of see- 
 ing me until a more convenient period. 
 
 The letter said, as plainly as possible, that Mrs. Law- 
 son did not approve of his acquaintance with me and 
 had forbidden his keeping his appointment, but I de- 
 termined not to receive it at her hands. 
 
 I had seen for some time that he was completely under 
 her thumb, but I would not suffer her to come between 
 him and me, and if our acquaintanceship was to be 
 broken off, it should be by mutual consent. 
 
 I wrote again, reminding him that the proposal of an 
 interview came from himself, and asking for an ex- 
 planation of his wife's objection to his visiting at my 
 house. 
 
 To this appeal, I received no answer. His silence 
 nettled me. I was determined to know the truth of the 
 
 19 
 
290 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 matter and whether he had disclosed our former inti- 
 macy to Mrs. Lawson. Considering the temptations I had 
 resisted in order to keep this woman's husband honour- 
 able and true to her, it was galling to think she might 
 hold us in her power, and be able to coerce him, as she 
 pleased. 
 
 Anyway (I said to myself) I will hear from Gervase's 
 own lips how he intends to act for the future. 
 
 When a clever woman sits down to try and outwit a 
 man, the man has generally very little chance. I knew 
 that Gervase Lawson had one relation in London — a 
 paralyzed old amat, from whom he had expectations. 
 Her name was Mrs. Briscoe, and she lived in a large 
 house in Portman Square. 
 
 The following day I dressed myself as quietly as pos- 
 sible, and putting a thick veil over my face I went off to 
 the Baker Street post-office and dispatched the following 
 telegram to Gervase Lawson. 
 
 " Come at once. I want you. 
 
 " Bbiscoe." 
 
 As soon as I calculated it must have reached his tem- 
 porary abode at Morley's Hotel, I went into Portman 
 Square and kept a good look-out on Mrs. Briscoe's house. 
 I prepared myself to see a great alteration in Gervase. 
 It was ten years since we had met, and ten years work 
 marvellous changes between thirty and forty. He might 
 have grown stout and bald, or thin and grey. The very 
 expression of his face might be altered. 
 
 And then how would he come ? In a cab, or on foot ? 
 My eyes kept wandering all round the square and mark- 
 ing every vehicle that passed it. At last, a hansom 
 dashed up to the very door of Mrs. Briscoe's house. I 
 saw Gervase Lawson's head thrust out, to check the 
 driver. He alighted and put the fare into his hand. In 
 another moment he would have rung the bell. But I 
 mounted the steps and stood before him. 
 
 "Don't you know me, Gervase?" I asked. He stared 
 at me and his face grew ghastly pale. 
 
 " My God, Mollie ! " he exclaimed. 
 
 I need not have feared I should not know him. There 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 291 
 
 ■were a few streaks of silver in his dark hair, but other- 
 wise he looked so exactly as he had done in Fingas di 
 Key, that it was with difilctdty I could restrain myself 
 to speak to him only as a friend. 
 
 " Yes, I am MoUie, and since you would not meet me 
 at my own house, I have come to meet you here." 
 
 " But I received a telegram," he commenced. 
 
 " And J. sent it," I answered calmly. 
 
 " But why did you use another person's name ? " he 
 asked with some indignation. " Why did you not send it 
 in your own ? " 
 
 " I will tell you why. Because you are not your own 
 master, Gervase; and if you had received a message 
 summoning you to my death-bed, you would not have 
 been allowed to answer it. So I was obliged to resort to 
 stratagem. I have something to say to you. It may be 
 for the last time, but I mean to say it. Where shall we 
 go? Shall we take a cab and drive out into the country, 
 or wiU you come into the park ? " 
 
 He looked about him, like a frightened hare. " Oh, 
 not in a cab," he repUed hastily. " We might be seen 
 by somebody. If it is really necessary that you should 
 speak to me, MoUie (Lady Annesley, I mean), let us go 
 into the park." 
 
 "Very good," I answered, as I turned down a by- 
 street that led to the Marble Arch, and he walked beside 
 me in perfect silence. 
 
292 TBE NOBLER BEX. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXV. 
 
 I DETEEMHra TO HAVE A SEPAEATION. 
 
 We did not speak until we had traversed the grassy 
 part of the park, and penetrated one of the by-paths. 
 Gervase Lawson was walking just a pace in front of me, 
 and I was contemplating his face and figure all the while. 
 Handsome and commanding as it was, what a hang-dog 
 expression he wore. I guessed the reason at once ; he 
 was in a quandary. He had been unexpectedly caught 
 in the little trap I had laid for him, and he did not know 
 how to extricate himself. He was thinking what excuse 
 he should make to me for his behaviour — ^what excuse he 
 should make to the woman at home for having met and 
 spoken to me, for (whatever his failings) this man was 
 incapable of a lie. 
 
 Yet how contemptible it seemed to me, that he should 
 have any fear. 
 
 Is there no happy medium in married life ? Must one 
 always bully, or be bullied? Is there no such thing as 
 " the bondage which makes us free — as the love which, 
 being too large and generous to bind, binds by its very 
 grandeur and its strength?" 
 
 It seems to me as if we have not yet reached a high 
 enough state of civilization for marriage. As if we were 
 still too much allied to the beasts of the field, whose lack 
 of ceremonies make them (in many instances) more faith- 
 ful to each other than we are. 
 
 I suppose it is a shocking thing to say that the world 
 would be happier without marriage, but there is no doubt 
 that it is at the bottom of half its misery, for men as 
 well as women, and scarcely any one can wear its fetters 
 without being galled. 
 
 I speak feelingly, but my experience is not a single 
 one. Thousands can testify to the truth of what I say. 
 
TBS NOBLER SEX. 293 
 
 '.Viien Gervase Lawson and I had somewhat separated 
 ru' ,elves from the crowd, I was the first to speak. 
 ■ 'tVhat I want to hear from you, Gervase," I said, " is 
 1 / you asked permission to call on me ? " 
 ' iiecause I wished to see you again, and to speak to 
 1. What other reason could I have had?" 
 " Then why did you break your engagement? " 
 " I have already told you. Mrs. Lawson is not welL 
 She has not been strong for some time, and a very little 
 thing upsets her. When I told her I intended calling on 
 you, she fell into an hysterical fit, and I felt compelled 
 to give up the idea — much against my Avill, I assure you, 
 Mollie," he added with a sidelong glance at me. 
 
 "But why does she object to your visiting me, Gervase? 
 That is the question. I can understand her giving up my 
 acquaintance. But surely she cannot fear that you 
 wiU be contaminated by coming in contact with Lord 
 Annesley or myself." 
 
 At this allusion his face at once assumed a look of 
 righteous commiseration. 
 
 " Since you mention the subject," he said, " of course I 
 cannot deny that the sad news was a terrible shock to 
 both of us. I am afraid, my dear friend, that you do 
 not view it in the very serious light that I do. I am 
 afraid, now that the censure of the world is somewhat 
 appeased by your tardy marriage, you do not remember 
 that God's wrath burns for ever towards the unrepent- 
 ant." 
 
 I gazed at him with astonishment, not unmixed with a 
 sense of humour. Was this the man who at Placenta, 
 and again at Brussels, had urged me, with all the force of 
 which he was capable, to do the very thing which he 
 now condemned? I could not resist reminding him 
 of it. 
 
 " That is all very true, Gervase," I answered, " but 
 how about the instigator to the crime. Who first put 
 such an idea into my head, think you ? " 
 
 He grew a little rosy as he replied that he could not 
 tell. 
 
 " I will tell you, then. It was yourself. When you 
 first met me at Fingas di Rey I was as innocent as my baby. 
 I looked up to you and reverenced you. Your sentiments 
 
294 THM NOBLES. SEX. 
 
 were so much more lofty and religious than my own ; 
 and when I found that your religion could not keep you 
 from instigating me to a sin from which I recoiled with 
 horror, religion went down a hundred per cent, in my 
 estimation. I loved you dearly, Gervase. I have never 
 denied it. Sometimes I think I love you still. But don't 
 preach to me, for you are the last person in the world 
 who has the right to do so." 
 
 " Forgive me," he said in a low voice. " I know I am 
 not worthy. But no one has repented more bitterly of 
 that youthful error than I have." 
 
 " Perhaps," I answered coolly, " when the temptation 
 was out of sight. But I cannot forget that you renewed 
 your offer in Brussels. I am not reproaching you, Grer- 
 vase. But don't talk about religion. I have very little 
 faith left ia it. Experience has taught me that men are 
 very much alike, whether pious or otherwise. They are 
 all lamentably weak in the presence of temptation, 
 though some cry when they yield to it, and others laugh ; 
 that is all the diiference." 
 
 " You have grown hard, MoUie," he replied. " I never 
 thought to hear the powers of sarcasm I admired in you 
 turned against myself." 
 
 " I am what men and the world have made me, Ger- 
 vase. But to return to our subject. Why did Mrs. Law- 
 son indulge in a fit of ill-temper when she heard you were 
 gorag to call upon me ? " 
 
 " I said a fit of hysterics," he corrected me. 
 
 " And Zsay a fit of tantrums, and being a woman my- 
 self, am possibly a better judge of her motives than you 
 would be. What have I ever done to Mrs. Lawson to 
 make her wish to prevent your seeing me ?" 
 
 He hesitated and seemed unable to answer. I supplied 
 the deficiency for him. 
 
 " ZwiU tell you," I said. " She has found out some- 
 thing about you and me. Did you tell her ? " 
 
 I veered round and looked him straight in the face as 
 I spoke, and I saw from the consciousness he displayed 
 that I had guessed the truth. 
 
 "You Aawe /" I exclaimed indignantly. " I can read 
 it in your face." 
 
 " No ! no ! that is, yes," he stammered. « If you will 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 295 
 
 only hear my explanation, MoUie, you will see it was not 
 my fault. There was a sentence in one of your letters, 
 and when Mrs. Lawson asked what it alluded to I could 
 not tell her an imtruth, and so — and so " 
 
 "And so," I repeated sarcastically, "you did what any 
 schoolboy is ashamed to do of another— you betrayed the 
 woman you professed to love. You laid my most sacred 
 feelings bare for the inspection of one, who you knew 
 would have no mercy on them— who may, at any moment, 
 tell the story of my weakness to her friends." 
 
 « Oh, no ! " he interrupted. " Believe me, she is too 
 much ashamed of it to make it a subject of discussion." 
 
 " Too much ashamed" I repeated contemptuously. 
 
 " It is of her own act in marrying a man who cared nothing 
 
 for her, that she should be too much ashamed. Our 
 
 love, as it was in those days — single and devoted — ^was 
 
 . something to be proud of, in comparison." 
 
 " She has been an excellent wife and mother," he com- 
 menced chivalrously. " And is a sincere Christian." 
 
 "And what temptation has she had to be otherwise 
 than a good wife and mother," I exclaimed, firing up in 
 my own defence, " when you have kept her down in 
 Westmoreland all the year round and danced attendance 
 on her morning, noon, and night ? What virtue is there in 
 a bird not flying away when his cage door is kept fastened ? 
 Had Mrs. Lawson been good-looking and clever and agree- 
 able, and living in the whirl of London society, you might 
 not have plumed your feathers so gaily as you are doing 
 now." 
 
 "Mollie,"he remonstrated in a voice of distress, "don't 
 speak to me like that. You know I do not love her. I 
 have tried, but it is impossible. Your image has always 
 come between us. You have been the love of my life. 
 What use is there in denying it." 
 
 " And yet you have put me in the power of another 
 woman! Gervase, I would not have believed it of 
 you." 
 
 " How can I convince you it was inevitable ? My wife 
 asked me plainly if there had ever been any passages of 
 love between us — ^if we loved each other still — ^if I would 
 have married you in preference to herself had you been 
 free ? There was no end to her questions. She got me 
 
296 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 into a corner, and the only way out was to make a clean 
 breast of it. If you only understood " 
 
 " Oh ! I understand perfectly. Some one had to be 
 sacrificed and so you chose me. You knew it would place 
 a barrier between us for ever. But no matter what I 
 lost so long as you gained your point." 
 
 "Why should we lose anything?" he said eagerly. 
 " Why cannot we stUl be friends ? Let me come and see 
 you, MoUie. It is so little comfort we have left." 
 
 " What ! and be the cause of your either quarrelling 
 with your wife, or telling a lie ? Oh ! no, Gervase. Lite 
 is hard enough as it is, for both of us. We will not make 
 it worse. We will part from to-day." 
 
 " Part I You do not mean for ever ! " 
 
 " Yes, for ever." 
 
 " Oh ! surely not ! Where is the necessity ? WiU Lord 
 Annesley object to our remaining friends ? " 
 
 " No, Lord Annesley is too sensible to make a fuss 
 about trifles. You are the one who has made it necessary. 
 I never receive a married man whose wife objects to his 
 visiting me." 
 
 " And you can class me with your ordinary friends ? 
 Oh ! Mollie ! you are cruel." 
 
 His voice had so much of the old ring ia it, that I had 
 to pause a moment before I replied : 
 
 " No, Gervase. I am only prudent, as you have taught 
 me to be. The past is over. You must have known that 
 when I married Lord Annesley. But yet I kept a very 
 sacred niche in my heart for your memory, and I think it 
 will be there when we meet in another world. But for this 
 one I am going to say to you good-bye. You are a slave, 
 my poor Gervase. I can see it plainly. You are afraid of 
 this woman who holds you under her thumb by means 
 of her jealous temper and long tongue. Well, then, I 
 want no other woman's slave, not even for a friend. You 
 have not the courage to visit me openly, and you must not 
 enter on a life of deceit. You are, at all events, too good 
 for that. Good-bye. I shall try to think of you as happy 
 in your children and your home. But you must never 
 try to see me again." 
 
 I held out my hand as I spoke, and he clasped it 
 firmly in his own. 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 297 
 
 « Oh, MoUie," he said. « It is so hard." 
 
 "I know it's hard," I answered. "Life is all hard, 
 from the beginning to the end, and marriage is the hard- 
 est part of it. But it is inevitable. Good-bye." 
 
 He did not echo the word, but he looked me hard in 
 the face for a minute with his eyes brimming with tears, 
 then wringing my hand, he dropped it and walked rapidly 
 away. 
 
 I felt the parting too, but I know it was for the best. 
 I sat down on a bench and wiped a few quiet tears away 
 for the sake of the dear past, though I wondered the 
 while if my maturer judgment woiSd have permitted 
 me to be happy with so weak and purposeless a man 
 as Gervase Lawson. Should I have grown ashamed 
 of him as the years went by, or would my more deter- 
 mined character have strengthened his own. 
 
 It was a useless conjecture, and before I reached 
 home I had forgotten all about it. I was glad that I 
 had seen Gervase once again, and I was glad that the 
 interview was over. Now I would put him out of the 
 thoughts of my daily life for ever. 
 
 When I entered my house I walked straight into the 
 dining-room where I found Lord Annesley seated at 
 lunch with his eldest son Ralph and a Major Corbett. 
 
 I greeted them all round in a pleasant manner, and 
 asked my husband's pardon for being a little late. He 
 did not appear to be in a particularly amiable humour, 
 for he asked, in a gruff manner, 
 
 " Where have you been? " 
 
 " In the park." 
 
 " And who's been with you? " 
 
 " Is it absolutely necessary," I answered, laughing, " that 
 I should have had any one with me ? " 
 
 I had no intention of concealing the fact of my having 
 met Gervase Lawson from him, but I did not wish to 
 mention his name before a stranger. 
 
 " It's absolutely necessary," Lord Annesley returned 
 coarsely, " to look after a woman of your proclivities." 
 
 I coloured and took my seat in silence, and Major 
 Corbett looked steadfastly into his plate. 
 
 Accustomed as I was to the grossness of my husband's 
 
298 ~ TSE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 conversation, it was the first time he had made such an 
 insinuation before a mere acquaintance. 
 
 But I felt that to demand an explanation then would 
 be to make matters worse, so for awhile I restrained my- 
 self. 
 
 Major Corbett, observing the alteration in my manner, 
 left as soon as the luncheon was over, and as the door 
 closed behind him, I addressed Lord Annesley : 
 
 " Now that we are alone, Aimesley," I remarked (it 
 was long since I had called him "Davie"), "you will 
 be good enough to teU me what you mean by my ' pro- 
 chvities.' " 
 
 " I dechne to explain myself further," he replied. 
 
 "But I insist upon your doing so," I said. "You 
 make a base insinuation about me before your son and 
 Major Corbett, and then pretend it is too bad to be en- 
 larged upon. But the fact is, you are ashamed to confess 
 that there is no explanation of, and no excuse for it. I 
 am quite ready to tell you with whom I have been this 
 morning, or at any time. I have never concealed any- 
 thing from you ia the whole of our married life, and 
 that is more than you can say of yourself with regard to 
 me. I have been walking in Hyde Park for about half 
 an hour with Mr. Lawson." 
 
 "Tour old lover," he sneered. 
 
 "Yes, my old lover (as I frankly told you), but not 
 even an acquaintance henceforward. His wife objected 
 to his visiting us, and I met him for the sole reason of 
 telling him he must never attempt to see me again. And 
 do not forget that I returned home from Devonshire on 
 the condition that we were not to interfere with each 
 other any more. You go your own way, and I will not 
 ask you how I am to pursue mine. Neither wUl I stand 
 any insulting insinuations before your friends. Be good 
 enough to remember it for the future." 
 
 But Lord Annesley was never wrong in his own esti- 
 mation, and anything like opposition (however quietly 
 enforced ) rendered him more determined. Had I been 
 the woman to go away and weep when I was rebuked, 
 and crawl back to be forgiven for what I had not done, 
 he would probably have forgotten his coarse innuendo 
 almost as soon as he had uttered it, and been ready to 
 
THE NOBLES. SEX. 299 
 
 chuck me tinder the chin and call me a ninny for taking 
 it to heart. 
 
 But I was not that sort of woman. I had not been 
 reared in a school of coarseness and sensuality, and I had 
 a strong feeling against injustice, or the bad taste of 
 making a joke about a serious thing. 
 
 When my husband found that I had got the better of 
 him — when he heard me persist in analyzing a motive, 
 and knowing the reason of it — he had no resource but to 
 swear and bluster, like the great bully that he was ; and 
 insist that he had grounds for his assertion, because he 
 was not brave enough to confess that he was in the wrong. 
 Never once in the course of our acquaintance, and not- 
 withstanding the grave errors of which he was guilty, 
 did I ever hear David Annesley say : " I was wrong. 
 Forgive me." But if the moment he relented — after hav- 
 ing cursed, insulted and threatened me — Z was not ready 
 to open my arms and smile upon and caress him, then 
 his passion would rise again, like some boiling cauldron, 
 seething and foaming with the scum of his evU thoughts, 
 and his language and conduct would become worse than 
 before. 
 
 It was so on this occasion. 
 
 He repeated the insult of which he had been guilty, in 
 still plainer language, coupling Gervase Lawson's name 
 with mine before his son, until I refused to listen further, 
 and left the room. I had intended to remain at home 
 that afternoon, but the house seemed to stifle me, and 
 putting on my walking things, I went out of doors again, 
 to pay a long-promised visit to an invalid friend at 
 Streatham. This kept me away all the evening, and at 
 ten o'clock I returned home. I was passing through the 
 hall on my way upstairs, when I heard Lord Annesley's 
 voice call to me from the open dining-room door. 
 
 " MoUie." 
 
 " What is it that you require ? " I asked. 
 
 " Come here, I wish to speak to you." 
 
 I went and stood upon the threshold. He motioned me 
 to a chair. 
 
 « Sit down." 
 
 « No, thank you. I can hear what you have to say to 
 me just as well standing." 
 
300 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 « Where have you heen all the afternoon ?" 
 
 " At Streatham with Miss Bingley." 
 
 " I don't believe you. It's a lie." 
 
 " Why take the trouble, then, to put the question ? 
 You have insulted me sufficiently for one day. I can 
 listen to no more. I am tired, and am going to bed in my 
 ovvn room. Good-night. I shall not see you again until 
 the morning." 
 
 I said this because we occupied bedrooms adjoining 
 each other, and if either of us was sick or sorry, we made 
 a point of separating for the night. 
 
 Lord Annesley called after me to stop, but I paid no 
 heed to him, but retired to rest, locking the door after 
 me. 
 
 I suppose the refusal made him turn to the whisky 
 bottle (as usual) to fortify himself for fresh acts of bru- 
 tality, for some time after I had fallen to sleep, I was 
 aroused by loud thumps against the panels of my door, 
 and demands that I should get up and let him in. 
 
 " No ; certainly not," I said, drowsUy. " Go to your 
 own room. I intend to sleep alone to-night." 
 
 The heavy step retreated, and I thought he had taken 
 the Mat to make himself scarce, and had just dropped 
 off to sleep again when I was wakened for the second 
 time by grating and sawing sounds outside my door. 
 
 " What are you doing now ? " I questioned fretfully. 
 
 The filing and scraping continued. 
 
 Good Heavens ! He was prising the lock. In another 
 minute a violent kick sent the panel through and burst 
 the wards, and his lordship triumphantly entered the 
 room. But I was utterly imprepared for the assault 
 which followed. 
 
 Without a warning of his intention, Annesley marched 
 straight to the bedside, and, seizing me by the collar of 
 niy night-dress, ^ dragged me out upon the floor, and 
 kicked me before him into the next room, where he 
 flung me upon the bed. I rose to leave him, or caU for 
 assistance, but he placed himself before the door. 
 
 " If you cry out," he exclaimed, " or make a scene 
 about this, I'll kick you all the way downstairs, and 
 out on the pavement just as you are." 
 
 And then followed the usual execrations and abuse, 
 
THE NOBLEB SEX. 301 
 
 rendered worse because Ralph Annesley, hearing the 
 tumult, came to my assistance, and his father represented 
 me to him as one of the vilest and most abandoned of 
 women. I set my teeth together, but I made up my 
 mind. This should really be the last indignity that I 
 would suffer at the hands of this man, who was far more 
 a brute than a man, and a maniac than a brute. 
 
 I entreated Ralph to go away and leave me to look 
 after myself. I was so afraid the poor boy would suffer 
 for befriending me, and as soon as I could manage to slip 
 past my husband, I went upstairs to share the bed of my 
 maid, who had been a witness to my conjugal misery for 
 years, and had frequently given me shelter from his 
 inhumanity before. 
 
 As soon as I could get away on the following morning, 
 I went again to my solicitor, and laying the case before 
 him, told him to apply at once for a separation between 
 us. The fact of Lord Annesley's liaison with Mrs. 
 Berners had been proved by this time, so, with the 
 addition of his cruelty, I could easily have procured a 
 divorce from him. But I shrunk from passing through 
 that ordeal a second time, and did not consider it 
 advisable to ask for more than I required. "When I told 
 Lord Annesley what I had done, he was very scornful 
 onthesubject. I might have a separation and welcome if 
 I chose, he said, but he would not give me a farthing 
 towards my support, nor any of the property acquired 
 since our marriage, though it had aU been bought with 
 my own money. 
 
 But after my solicitor's letter had forced him to have 
 an interview with his own legal adviser, he returned 
 home looking very crestfallen. He had found then, that 
 though husbands are such very important and responsible 
 people, they cannot kick their wives out of bed, nor cul- 
 tivate the intimacy of ladies who keep boarding-houses 
 without paying for the little game. 
 
 All the "tall" talk about no alimony and no division 
 of property was laid on the shelf, and the legal proposal 
 was that I should retain the house with all its contents, 
 Lord Annesley paying the rent and a hundred pounds 
 a year for alimony, which, considering his very small 
 income, was a reasonable offer. I modified it, however, 
 
302 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 tor I should have had no satisfaction in robbing him of 
 his personal comforts, and it was finally agreed I was to 
 keep the house rent free, and he was to go abroad. 
 
 We were in the midst of all this excitement, when 
 my thoughts were turned in a totally different channel by 
 a most unexpected surprise. 
 
TEE NOBLES, SEX. 30g 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVI. 
 
 I EEGAIK MT LIBEETT. 
 
 I WAS sitting in my own room one morning, thinking of 
 the changes in store for me, when a servant came to tell 
 me that a lady wished to see me. 
 
 " A lady," I reiterated. " What is her name, Ann ? " 
 
 '.' She didn't give no name, my lady. She only asked 
 if you was at home, and said she wanted to see you 
 particular." 
 
 " "Where have you shown her ? " 
 
 " Into the drawing-room, my lady." 
 
 " You are sure she is a lady." 
 
 " Oh ! yes, my lady, and quite young, and she seemed 
 very anxious-like to see you." 
 
 " A subscription list," I thought to myself, as I went 
 down to receive my visitor. 
 
 She was evidently quite a girl, from the slight figure 
 standing in one of the bay windows, which caught my eye 
 as I entered the room. She turned quickly and looked 
 at me. She was taU and thin, and had a pile of fair hair 
 knotted at the back of her head, and a pair of large, 
 earnest, grey eyes. 
 
 I started at her appearance, and she breathed but one 
 word, in a low, anxious voice — 
 
 "■Mother I" 
 
 " My child ! my Mta ! my darling ! " 
 
 In a moment we were clasped in each other's arms. In 
 a moment her dear, young face was against mine and I 
 was pressing mother's kisses on her brow, her eyes, and 
 her mouth. 
 
 " My Mta ! my darling ! my own, own child ! Do I 
 really hold you in my arms again ? Oh ! thank God ! thank 
 God ! " was all that I could reiterate imtil my first trans- 
 ports were exhausted, and I sunk upon the sofa and burst 
 into a flood of tears. 
 
 My girl knelt down beside me and cast her arms upon 
 
304 TBE NOBLJEB SEX. 
 
 my knee and laid her head down upon them and cried in 
 unison. 
 
 " Oh ! it has been so long, so lonfff" I wailed. " Seven 
 years since I last saw you. Such a weary time, my Nita, 
 and I have wanted my daughter so." 
 
 " And I have wanted my mother," she said sweetly. 
 " Oh ! mother ! I have never forgotten you. I should have 
 known you amongst a thousand women. And I would 
 have come to you, years ago, had I been able ! " 
 
 I dried my eyes and kissed her afresh. She had roused 
 my curiosity. 
 
 " But how did you manage to come now, my darling ? 
 Where do you come from ? Does your father know you 
 are here ? And who told you where I lived ? " 
 
 " Oh ! mother ! do you think I have grown from a child 
 to a woman without making any inquiries on the sub- 
 ject ? And Lord Annesley's name is in the directory." 
 
 At the mention of Lord Annesley I grew hot and con- 
 fused in the presence of my child. 
 
 " But your father, dear," I gasped. 
 
 " Papa is in the Brazils, or I suppose so. I was to have 
 gone out to him next month, but I refused to do it. I 
 always meant to come back to you when I was old 
 enough. Listen, mother dear. I have been kept in a 
 Belgian convent for the last five years." 
 
 " A convent," I exclaimed, " and with your father's 
 abhorrence of the Catholic religion. Why, aU our misery 
 arose from my becoming a Catholic." 
 
 « I know, mother, but I expect he opposed you more to 
 get Ms own way than for any other reason. Convent 
 schools are cheap, and with all his money, you know how 
 stingy papa is. However, when I came home last month 
 for the purpose of being sent out to Fingas di Rey I 
 refused to go. I said I had made up my mind to come to 
 you." 
 
 " Oh, Nita, my darling. How brave and good of you! 
 What did they say?" 
 
 " Oh ! they made a terrible fuss. It was Uncle Charles 
 and Aunt Maria, you know, and they said it was quite 
 impossible, and I did not know what I was talking about. 
 But I told them I was of an age to choose for myself, and 
 I chose to return to my mother." 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 305 
 
 " My own girl," I cried, kissing her again. 
 
 "Well, they telegraphed to papa to ascertain his 
 wishes, and he wired back that I could do as I chose, but 
 if I returned to you he washed his hands of me for ever. 
 As if I cared for tJiat ! " said Nita, laughing softly. " Aunt 
 Maria cried and begged me to reconsider my foolish deci- 
 sion, and said it would be the ruin of me, mind and body. 
 But I just packed up my boxes and came off without 
 wishing them good-bye, for fear they would stop me." 
 
 " Your boxes, my darling ! Where are they ? " I 
 exclaimed. 
 
 " I left them at the station," she replied ; " till I was 
 sure if you would let me stay with you." 
 
 " Oh t Mta ! how could you think there was a doubt of 
 it. I have longed, night and day, to see you again." 
 
 " But I am afraid I shall be more of a trouble to you 
 than anything else, mother. I am not a very strong 
 girl. My back aches so and I can't sleep at night, and 
 I am always fainting. Aunt Maria tlunks I am con- 
 sumptive." 
 
 " Rubbish," I cried cheerily. « Most girls are weak at 
 your age, Mta. We will soon have you strong and well 
 again." 
 
 But when I examined her more closely my heart sunk. 
 She certainly looked ill. There were dark rings, telling 
 of sleepless nights, beneath her eyes, and she was very 
 pale and had a constant hacking cough that became most 
 distressing if she excited herself. She told me that the 
 place in Germany where the convent school was situated 
 was low and damp and had not suited her, and that the 
 food was so meagre and uninviting she had never fancied 
 it. She kept on flushing and paling so rapidly as she 
 spoke of her school life to me that I felt sure she was in 
 need of immediate nourishment, and sent down to the 
 kitchen for a basin of soup. But before it arrived Nita, 
 without any warning, slid from my encircling arms and 
 fainted on the floor. Her weakness alarmed me, and I 
 had her carried up to my own room and undressed and 
 put to bed at once. 
 
 She recovered smiling, and said it was nothing and she 
 was quite used to it, and as soon as she had taken her 
 soup and had a sleep she would be all right. And it 
 
 20 
 
306 THE NOBLXR SEX. 
 
 was so sweet to be in mother's bed (sbe added with a kiss) 
 that the very thought would make her well again. 
 
 But my heart was not at rest about her, and I sent off 
 at once for our family doctor. He did not seem to like her 
 condition either. He pronounced her to be very weak and 
 very feverish, perhaps only the effect of excitement, but 
 it was impossible to determine untU some hours had 
 elapsed. 
 
 I sent for the dear child's boxes and wrote to the Rev. 
 Charles Stopf ord to let him know she was safe with me — 
 also that I intended to keep her as long as she wished to 
 stay. 
 
 In answer, I received a letter to say that, tinder the 
 circumstances, I must keep her altogether, as his brother 
 had warned Nita that if she came to me he would never 
 see her nor speak to her again. 
 
 This intelligence could have given me nothing but the 
 most heartfelt satisfaction, had it not come at a mo- 
 ment when my mind was too much occupied with my 
 child's present welfare to spare a thought for her future. 
 By the evening of the day Mta returned to me she was 
 dangerously Ul. The fever had increased to an alarming , 
 extent, and she was quite light-headed. The doctor 
 pronounced her to have an attack of typhoid, and advised 
 Ralph Annesley being sent out of the house. But the 
 young man (now home on leave from Woolwich) was at- 
 tached to me and refused to go ; so all I could do was 
 to take every possible precaution and leave the rest to 
 Providence. 
 
 Lord Annesley and I had hardly spoken to each other 
 since the separation had been agreed upon. But I broke 
 the ice between us now and asked him (if he had any 
 fear) to remove himself and his son from the risk of 
 infection. 
 
 But he answered in a very humble tone that he 
 should stay beside me as long as he was able to do so. 
 
 As the days went on, my anxiety for my child's safety 
 increased to a terrible degree. The fever grew worse 
 and worse, and her weakness was so extreme that I made 
 up my mind that I had found her only to lose her again. 
 I went about the house like a dead creature. All my 
 feelings were numbed and still. I felt as if the machinery 
 
THE NOBLES. SEX. 307 
 
 of life had stopped, in the presence of this appalling 
 sorrow. 
 
 On the fourteenth day of her being taken ill my fears 
 were at their height. 
 
 All her beautiful hair had been cut off, in order to 
 apply ice to her head— her lips were black and dry, her 
 eyes sunk, her mind wandering. A hospital nurse sat 
 by her side, tender and sympathetic, but very grave; 
 and I was standing at the foot of the bed, regarding the 
 darling child who seemed to be slipping out of my grasp, 
 with a dull, dry glance, when Ralph sUpped his arm 
 within mine and drew me gently away. 
 
 "You must eat and drink, mother," he said; "or you 
 will not be fit to sit up to-night. Nita is a little better 
 to-day, is she not ? She doesn't talk so incessantly." 
 
 "Only weaker," I answered, biting my lip hard to 
 prevent my tears flowing. 
 
 He led me down to the dining-room, where the late 
 dinner was spread, and Lord Annesley was awaiting our 
 advent. I took my seat opposite to him, mechanically. 
 On the plate before me lay a lawyer's letter, in its long 
 blue envelope. I glanced across the table and saw that 
 a similar one was by my husband's side. I opened mine 
 and found it was an intimation that the proceedings for 
 a separation between us were now completed, and the 
 papers awaited our signatures at the solicitors' place of 
 business, where we were expected to present ourselves 
 upon the following morning. 
 
 " Shall you go, MoUie ? " inqtured Lord Annesley, as 
 he laid his notice down. 
 
 "Yes," I answered in a dull manner. "That is, if 
 nothing arises to prevent me. There is no use in putting 
 it off." 
 
 My anxiety for Mta had thrust this other anxiety in 
 the background. Yet I could not contemplate it other- 
 wise than seriously. 
 
 However much we may have suffered, it is a solemn 
 thing to contemplate a life-long separation from the 
 creature with whom we have been one. 
 
 Our dinner proceeded in miserable silence — a silence 
 that might be felt. 
 
 The servants directed each other's movements in a 
 
308 TBE NOBLEB SEX. 
 
 subdued whisper, and my stepson did not address either 
 of us. At last a stifling sound made me raise my eyes in 
 the direction of my husband. 
 
 He was sitting with his head in his hands, weeping 
 openly. 
 
 The sight did not soften me. It only filled me with 
 contempt. 
 
 I directed one of the servants to leave the room and or- 
 dered the other to bring her master a brandy and soda. 
 
 Then I walked round the table and placed my hand 
 upon his shoulder. 
 
 " Rouse yourself, Annesley," I whispered, " and don't 
 let the servants laugh at you. You have brought this 
 entirely on yourself. Bear it like a man." 
 
 It was rather a useless adjuration, for though he stood 
 six foot two, in his stockinged feet, and weighed sixteen 
 stone, he was the most unmanly specimen of a man that 
 I had ever seen. He was wont to sneer openly at men 
 who happened to be undersized, and wonder that any 
 women could be found to care for them. But I have 
 known larger hearts and souls and brains in little men, 
 than in big ones, and I think most people would add their 
 testimony to mine. When nature expends herself in form- 
 ing flesh and bone, she generally runs short of material 
 before she arrives at the upper storey. 
 
 But this is a digression, and Lord Annesley is stUl weep- 
 ing at the foot of his table. 
 
 My own heart was too much occupied just then, to be 
 able to feel for anybody but myself, and so I gave him 
 two or three encouraging pats on the shoulder and re- 
 turned to my seat. 
 
 But instead of pulling himself together, as most men 
 would have done, he drank off his brandy and soda, and 
 then to my astonishment, he rose from the table and flung 
 himself on his knees before me, in the presence of his 
 servant and his son. 
 
 " MoUie ! " he exclaimed, with the tears still rolling 
 down his cheeks, " MoUie ! don't sign this paper for God's 
 sake. Give me one more trial. If yow leave me I shall 
 go straight to the devil. As you hope for salvation 
 yourself, don't send me down to hell, with all my sins upon 
 my head." 
 
TBE NOBLER SEX. 309 
 
 He bowed his face upon my knee and seized my hands 
 and kissed them and held me as in a vice. 
 
 I don't know what other women wotdd have done under 
 such circumstances, but I felt utterly perplexed. Let no 
 one imagine that I deceived myself again, into supposing 
 that I loved him. My love for him was dead, and no dead 
 thing can be revived. When a woman has once despised 
 a man for stooping to deeds which she would be ashamed 
 to do herself, she may pity, but she can never love him. 
 
 And even now, I could not quite help pitying Lord 
 Annesley. 
 
 What was this great, lumbering mortal made of, who 
 could curse like a flend one moment, and cry over the 
 consequences of his madness like a baby, the next. 
 
 Was he responsible for his actions ? 
 
 That was the doubt that alway rose uppermost in my 
 mind to urge me to condone his worst offences. Some of 
 his medical advisers had told me he was not responsible, 
 others that he was. 
 
 What was I to believe ? 
 
 Should I take the great responsibility of decision on 
 myself ? And if he were not mad, but had, had I not 
 helped to make him so — ^to deteriorate his life and char- 
 acter? If I sent him down to hell with all his sins upon 
 his head (as he expressed it) should I have to answer for 
 it at the last day ? 
 
 All these arguments flashed through my brain in a 
 second of time before I answered my husband's appeal. 
 
 Besides my heart was all in the chamber of my sick 
 child, and I had no wishes left concerning anything else. 
 
 If she died — oh ! my God, if she were taken from me, 
 what should I care who I lived with, or how ! 
 
 " Try me once more" urged Lord Annesley, " and I will 
 never ask you again. If I fail this time I will make no" 
 further protest." 
 
 " Very well," I answered, with a heavy sigh (as the 
 prospect of peace and freedom in which I had been in- 
 dulging dissolved, and I took up my burden again), " let 
 it be so. Let us make one more attempt to live together 
 in unity." 
 
 So the deed of separation was not signed, and the law- 
 yers pocketed their fees and the matter was postponed. 
 
310 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 But the links of the chain had been terribly strained and 
 worn by this time, and there was no love on either side 
 with which to rivet them anew. 
 
 For the next few weeks, however, I had no time to 
 think of— far less lament — ^the fresh bargain I had made. 
 Nita's life trembled in the balance, and all my time was 
 spent by her side. At last her youth triumphed over 
 her weakness, and we were able to pronounce her safe. 
 What the word meant to me only mothers can under- 
 stand and sympathize with. But then a new danger 
 arose. The fever was past, but it had left a gaunt skele- 
 ton of a Mta behind it, with a weak chest and a hacking 
 cough. The autumn was coming on and the doctor said 
 that she must of necessity be taken to a warmer climate 
 until her recovery was assured. "Without that precaution 
 he would not answer for her escapmg consumption. Of 
 course I was not only ready, but most anxious to fall in 
 with his wishes. My precious girl should not lose her 
 health for lack of mother's care, and I commenced to 
 make immediate arrangements for taking her to Italy. 
 
 I did not wish Lord Annesley to accompany us. Now 
 that the great excitement of Mta's dangerous illness 
 was over, I felt that he had taken an unfair advantage of 
 my preoccupied state of mind to avoid the punishment 
 he so well-deserved. I was not blind to the fact that his 
 chief objection to a separation between us lay in the pros- 
 pective loss of my earnings, added to the public censure 
 he would incur for having rendered it impossible for a 
 second woman to live with him. 
 
 I had a hundred friends where Lord Annesley had one. 
 
 I was a well-known and popiilar woman, and he, a 
 man who was only tolerated as my husband, and more 
 than suspected of living on my money. Therefore he had 
 twice as much to lose in dissolving partnership than I 
 had. 
 
 I felt though that the evil day was only postponed, for 
 I had lost all hope of his altering, what seemed to be, his 
 second nature. 
 
 He objected very strongly to my taking my daughter 
 away to Italy. He could not understand why a month at 
 Eastbourne or Hastings should not do all for her that 
 was required. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 811 
 
 But I was resolute. I had but this one treasure left, and 
 I was not going to risk its loss. I said to myself that Lord 
 Annesley might keep the house and the furniture and 
 have all the money I could spare him. 
 
 Only he must, leave me alone for a few months, that I 
 might grow acquainted with the purest love my life had 
 ever known. I could not have gone back to him at that 
 moment, just when I had received my Mta again like a 
 fresh gift (as it were) from heaven. My soul loathed the 
 thought of his caresses, of having to pretend to return 
 them, to- listen to his ribald stories, his coarse jokes, 
 sometimes his filthy conversation. I shrunk with horror 
 from the idea. The purity of Mta made Lord Annesley 
 doubly impure. 
 
 " Let me go," I said to him, " it will be the best thing 
 for us both in the end. I have so much to forget in the 
 past, so much to reconcile myself to live without in the 
 future, that even if it were not a necessity to take Nita 
 away, I am utterly unfit at present for home duties. 
 Treat me as a sick woman. Let me go in peace for a few 
 months' change, and perhaps I may return to you strength- 
 ened in mind and body, and better able to fulfil my 
 duties as a wife than I have been hitherto." 
 
 Lord Annesley appeared to agree to my proposal, and 
 saw Mta and me start on our southward journey with 
 assumed interest. 
 
 The change had an immediate effect upon my child. 
 As soon as she had regained sufficient strength to go out of 
 doors she bloomed Uke a rose, and I watched her sparkling 
 eyes and rounded elastic frame with the deepest love and 
 thankfulness. But long before that time arrived Lord 
 Annesley had commenced to worry me with requests 
 that we should return to England. 
 
 I replied that owing to Nita's health that was impos- 
 sible, as I was determined to run no risk by letting her 
 leave Italy before the cold weather was over. I asked 
 him, however, to join us in Florence, and sent him the 
 necessary money for the purpose, although I dreaded the 
 moment when my daughter should be introduced to his 
 manners and style of conversation. 
 
 He refused my request, and to my surprise (and let me 
 add, to my secret satisfaction) declared that I had forced 
 
312 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 him to exert his authority as a husband, and consequently 
 I must either return home at once, or consent to a separa- 
 tion. 
 
 " And let me tell you," he said in conclusion, " that it 
 is perfectly indifferent to me which course you elect to 
 pursue, as I don't care if I never see your face again." 
 
 To which I replied : 
 
 " I am glad to find that we are at last of one way of 
 thinking. The choice is not an indifferent one to me. 
 I choose the separation, and you can tell your solicitor 
 that I will sign any reasonably- worded document that he 
 may send to me." 
 
 In the course of a few days I received a deed of separa- 
 tion, which I at once signed and returned. 
 
 It provided for notMng, except freedom from inter- 
 ference or molestation of any kind on the part of either 
 of us in the future. But I wanted nothing but deliver- 
 ance from a life that had become too hard to bear. 
 
 Lord Annesley was very much surprised at my ready 
 acquiescence to his proposal. He had imagined (with Ms 
 old conceit) that when it came to the point, I should 
 have been unable to make up my mind to part with him, 
 for I had condoned and forgiven so often, that he had 
 lost all faith in my powers of determination. 
 
 But the deed was done. 
 
 I had snapped the iron fetters at last, and was at 
 liberty to live the rest of my life beside the dear gift that 
 God had given me. 
 
 So ended my second marriage, and I can only wonder 
 that I bore it for so long. 
 
 * * # * 
 
 Am I happy ? 
 
 Judging my lot by those of others more afficted than 
 myself, I can answer "Yes ! " — happier than most people 
 in this world. 
 
 I have health and strength — ^the capacity for work — 
 the means of making money — ^liberty — ^peace — and above 
 and before all these, I have my child ! 
 
 Yet I cannot help sometimes brooding sadly over my 
 wasted youth and wondering whose fault it is that the 
 best part of my life has been passed in such a fever of 
 turbulent unrest. 
 
THE NOBLER SEX. 313 
 
 In what did I so differ from my sisters, that I alone, 
 of all of them, should have been marked out as a target 
 for the arrows of Fate? I did not start in life less 
 religiously-inclined than they, or with less power of feel- 
 ing — ^indeed I think that I had mors. Yet their positions 
 in life (socially speaking) seem better to-day than my 
 own. Charlotte still lives in her quiet country home, 
 loved and protected by her husband — ^Amiie roams the 
 world as she wiU — Elinor is a wealthy widow — Letty has 
 just married a man of genius. 
 
 Zonly, poor, wrong-headed and tempest-tossed MoUie, 
 with brains as good as any of them, seem to have made a 
 tangle of my life from beginning to end. 
 
 Is it my fault, or are we all the sport of a destiny, pre- 
 figured by the stars before our birth ? That horoscope 
 east at the moment of my entrance into this world — was 
 it charlatanism, or the solemn truth ? 
 
 What made the astrologer predict that the best part 
 of my life would be " marred by men," if he read nothing 
 but his own thoughts in the stars above my infant 
 head? 
 
 William Stopford, Gervase Lawson, and David An- 
 nesley. 
 
 Have these three men marred my life, or have I done 
 it for myself ? 
 
 That is the question that sometimes puzzles me. 
 
 William Stopford took possession of me as a child. 
 He might have written a world of wisdom on the blank 
 page of my inexperience, but he had no power to lead me 
 on to anything better, or higher than myself. 
 
 Gervase Lawson found me at my best — full of faith in 
 earth and heaven, and ready to be led (by him) to illimit- 
 able heights. But he proved to be made of weakest clay, 
 and shattered my trust in God, with my trust in himself. 
 Then — ^when love and religion had both seemed to fail me, 
 came Lord Annesley, with his amorous protestations that 
 sounded like fidelity, and I thought, that in building up 
 his shattered life, a mission lay before me whose end would 
 justify the means. And I have said how he rewarded it. 
 
 I have told my story clumsily, perhaps, but I have told 
 it truly. 
 
 As I have remarked before, facts cannot be rounded off 
 
314 THE NOBLER SEX. 
 
 like fiction, and the events neatly dove-tailed one into 
 the other. Real hfe is anything but romantic, and stern 
 Fate goes driving on and on, without the least considera- 
 tion for how the tale wUl end. 
 
 So I leave it. 
 
 If it should faU in interest, it will not be for lack of 
 resemblance to Nature. It will be because Nature has 
 been found less interesting than Fiction. 
 
 Sometimes, as I lie and dream of the Great Hereafter, 
 and I think of the time when I shall meet "William Stop- 
 ford, Gervase Lawson, and David Annesley face to face 
 again — I wonder what those three men will say to Mary 
 Malmaisou then ! 
 
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r>r> ^«-.- Corneir University Library 
 PR 4878.L9N7 1905 
 
 The nobler sex. 
 
 3 1924 013 496 967 
 
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