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ERB 
 
BY THE SAME AUTHOR 
 
 Secretary to Bayne, M.P. 
 MORD Em'|,y 
 A Son of the State 
 A Breaker of Laws 
 Lost Property 
 
ERB 
 
 W. PETT JIIDGE 
 
 METHUEN & CO. 
 
 36 ESSEX STREET W.C. 
 
 LONDON 
 
 1903 
 
ERB 
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 " "T) UT I am reminded," shouted the scarlet-faced 
 -U man on the chair, still keeping his voice to the 
 high note-on which he had started, " I am reminded 
 that my time is exhausted. Another talented speaker 
 is 'ere to address you. I refer to our friend Barnes — 
 better known per'aps to all of you as Erb." 
 
 The crescent-shaped crowd gave signs of move- 
 ment, and a round-faced young man, standing at the 
 side of the chair, looked up modestly at the sky. 
 
 " He, as you all know, 'ails from the district of 
 Berminsey, where he exercises a certain amount of 
 influence, and, in spite of his youth, is recognised as 
 a positive power in the labour world. He is accus- 
 tomed to hit straight from the shou'der, and he fears 
 neether friend nor enemy. I am going to tell you 
 some'ing you very like don't know, and there's no 
 necessity for it to go any further ; that is that he 
 stands a vurry good chance of being made secretary 
 
2 ERB 
 
 of a new society. Friends ! without further remarks 
 from me, I call upon Comrade Barnes, better known 
 as Erb, to address you. Thanks ! " The man stepped 
 down from the chair. "Where's my hat been and 
 gone ? " he asked. " Someone's shifted it as usual." 
 
 The hour being half-past twelve, the crowd had 
 for thirty minutes no business of an urgent nature. 
 A few strolled away to join other groups, and 
 Herbert Barnes, as he took off his bowler hat and 
 stepped up on the green chair, watched these sternly. 
 Southwark Park was being wooed by the morning 
 sun of spring-time, the green fresh grass covered a 
 space that was here and there protected by warning 
 boards ; the trees, after a shivering winter, were cloth- 
 ing themselves with a suit of new leaves. Away to 
 the right, masts of shipping in the Surrey Commercial 
 Docks showed high and gaunt above the middle- 
 aged trees that fringed the park : on the other side 
 rows of small houses pressed closely. Light-haired 
 Scandinavian sailors looked on amiably ; timber- 
 carrying men, who showed a horny skin at the back 
 of the neck as sign of their labour, made up, 
 with railway men in unaccustomed mufti, the rest 
 of the group. The new speaker's features relaxed 
 slightly as he saw two girls, conspicuous in the 
 presence of so many men, join his audience, to 
 resume his earlier manner, when one exclaimed dis- 
 appointedly, "Oh, it's only joring!" Both strolled 
 
ERB 3 
 
 away towards a bed of flaming tulips. A refined- 
 looking young woman, slightly lame, took their 
 place. 
 
 " Friends," said Erb quietly, " I was not altogether 
 prepared to be called upon for an address this morn- 
 ing, but — All right, my lad," this in reply to an 
 appeal from the outside of the crescent, " I'll speak 
 up presently. I'll speak up when I'm ready, in a 
 way that'll make even you understand me." The 
 line of orators near the chair smiled ; the interjector's 
 friends remarked gleefully that this was one in the 
 eye for him. " I say that I came 'ere to this park 
 this morning," he went on, raising his voice defiantly, 
 and smoothing his obstinate hair with one hand, 
 "more as a listener than a teacher, more ready to 
 learn from others than to learn them anything my- 
 self" The lame girl on the edge of the crowd 
 winced. " But as I have been called upon, I shall 
 take the liberty of askin' you one or two very 
 straight questions. I stand up 'ere," commencing 
 to finger the buttons of his waistcoat, " as a working 
 man addressing his fellow working men. Prouder 
 titles there can never be, and if they was to offer to 
 make me Lord Mayor of London at this present 
 moment, I should make answer to the effect that I 
 preferred to be a working man." A voice on the 
 outside asked a question. " I'm a parcels carman on 
 a railway, I am, and I earn twenty-three shillings and 
 
4 ERB 
 
 sixpence a week." The voice said it was a shame to 
 pay a van-boy the money earned by grown men ; he 
 flushed at this and went on. The voice, deluded, 
 threw at him another remark. Was he (asked the 
 voice), was he a half-timer ? 
 
 " I'm going to spare one minute with this chap," 
 said Erb, turning suddenly. " Bring him forward ! 
 Stand back from him, then, if he's too shy for that, 
 and let's see who we're dealing with. Oh, it's you, 
 is it ? " 
 
 " Yus," admitted the owner of the voice resentfully, 
 " it is me." 
 
 " You don't look 'appy," said Erb. 
 
 " I've been, listening to you," explained the man. 
 
 " Take your 'ands out of your pockets and let's 
 'ave a look at them." The man turned to go, but 
 the circle declined to permit this.- " Take a sight at 
 his little hansy-pansy." Order complied with. " What 
 d'you make of 'em ? I knew he was a loafer," said 
 Erb. " Let him go now and prop up his favourite 
 pubs ; I want to talk to genuine workers, not to 
 imitations of men. My first question is " — he referred 
 to the notes on the back of an envelope which he 
 held in his hand — " my first question is, what is it 
 we working men most keenly desire at the present 
 moment ? " 
 
 " Tankard of bitter." 
 
 " Ah ! " Erb whirled round, and pointed a fore- 
 
ERB 5 
 
 finger at the humorist and his friends. " Therms 
 a man who speaks the truth. Therms a man who 
 says jest the thing he really thinks. There's a man 
 who utters that which is uppermost in his mind. 
 There's a man," he leaned forward as though about 
 to give one last applauding compliment, " whose 
 'ighest ambition, whose most elevated thought, whose 
 one supreme anxiety is for — a tankard of bitter. 
 Friends," with a whirl of both arms, " we talk about 
 the tyranny and what not of capital : the enmity 
 of the upper circles, but there, jest over there, is the 
 class of man that is our greatest opponent, the man 
 from whom we have most to fear." 
 
 " Well, but," said the humorist in an injured tone, 
 " I suppose a chep can open his mouth ? " 
 
 "You can open your mouth, and when you do, 
 apparently, it is generally for the purpose of em'tying 
 down it a " 
 
 The crowd, glad to find personalities introduced, 
 gave the words in a muffled chorus. 
 
 "Makin' a bloomin' song of it," grumbled the 
 humorist, going off. "Some people can't take a 
 joke." 
 
 " 'Aving finished with our friend," said Erb loudly, 
 "we will now resume our attention to our original 
 argument. What is it that the working man " 
 
 His voice grew so much in volume that people at 
 Christadelphian and other crowds near the iron gates 
 
6 ERB 
 
 deserted these, and came across in the hope of better 
 sport. One of his arguments created dissension, and 
 two men, detaching themselves from the crescent, 
 went off to debate it, and an interested circle formed 
 around, listening with almost pained interest, seem- 
 ingly (from the nodding of their heads) convinced 
 by each argument in turn. The round-faced young 
 man on the Windsor chair, now aiming the fist of 
 one hand into the palm of the other as he laboured 
 at an argument, and giving a tremendous and con- 
 vincing thump as he made his point, noted the new 
 crowds with approval : it was good to have said the 
 stimulating thing. There were no interrupters now, 
 but occasionally a voice would throw an approving 
 sentence, caught neatly by Herbert Barnes, and used 
 if he thought it wise or necessary ; his best retorts 
 were given with a glance at the lame young woman of 
 the crowd. He could tell from the varying expression 
 on her face when he was scoring well — when he was 
 scoring but moderately well. He was in the middle 
 of a long sentence, decked out with many a para- 
 phrase, and whole regiments of adjectives hurrying 
 to the support of a noun, and she was taking a look 
 of wonder, when the hem of his jacket was pulled, 
 and he stopped. 
 
 " Friends," said Herbert, resuming his quiet voice, 
 " I'm afraid I've kept you rather long. We've had 
 opportunities before of meetin' each other ; we shall 
 
ERB 7 
 
 'ave opportunities again. I 'ave only to add one 
 word." His neighbour frowned up at him on hearing* 
 this ominous phrase. " It's my firm and steadfast 
 opinion that we shall increase our power and magnify 
 our strength only by sticking close, shoulder to 
 shoulder, in what I may call the march of progress. 
 Not otherwise shall we see the risin' sun salute the 
 dorn — " (a momentary frown from the young woman 
 disconcerted him) " of labour's triumph : not other- 
 wise shall we-=-shall we " 
 
 " Gain," prompted the man next to him, sulkily. 
 
 "Gain — thank you 1 — gain the respect of future ages 
 and the admiration of posterity ; not otherwise shall 
 we lead others on in that battle which, to use the 
 language of metaphor " 
 
 " I say, old man," whispered his neighbour, " really ! 
 Play the game." 
 
 " I will not pursue the train of thought," said Erb, 
 " on which I had, in a manner of speakin', embarked. 
 One an' all, friends — thank you — kind 'tention — I 
 now give way 1 " 
 
 " Feriends 1 " shouted the next man, stepping 
 quickly on the chair, " our comrade from Berminsey 
 has been so far carried away by his own eloquence 
 as to overstep his tinle. In these circs I will abstain 
 from all preliminary remarks and come to the point 
 at once. First of all, however " 
 
 The men who had spoken seemed bored now with 
 
8 ERB 
 
 the proceedings, and tried to make out the exact time 
 by the clock on the great biscuit factory ; unable to 
 do this, they appealed to Erb, who, heated with his 
 oratorical efforts, and gratified to notice that the tall 
 young woman had limped away directly that he had 
 finished, produced a smart silver watch and gave the 
 required information. They spoke in an undertone 
 of the evening's engagements; one proud man was 
 to turn on the gas, as he cheerfully expressed it, at 
 Victoria Park in the afternoon, another had had a 
 long talk with a member of Parliament, and the 
 member had shaken hands with him ; they all pre- 
 sented to the crowd a very serious and thoughtful 
 and statesmanlike appearance as they whispered to 
 each other. Flakes of the crowd began to fall away. 
 The last speaker finished, hoarse and panting. 
 
 " Whose turn is it to carry the chair ? " 
 
 " Erb's ! " said the others quickly. 
 
 " But I thought " he began. 
 
 " You thought wrong," said the others. " Besides, 
 you're going straight 'ome." 
 
 They walked across to the gates near the station, 
 where men and children, and men with babies perched 
 on their shoulders, were making their way back to the 
 homes from which, in order to give wives and mothers 
 opportunity for concentrating minds on the prepara- 
 tion for dinner, they had been temporarily expelled. 
 
 " No use trying to blister you for 'alf a pint, Erb ? " 
 
ERB 9 
 
 ■' Waste of time," said Erb. 
 
 " What d'you do with all your money ? " 
 
 " I don't find no difficulty," he replied, " in getting 
 rid of it. Any spare cash goes in books. I've got a 
 reg'lar little library at 'ome. John Stuart Mill and 
 Professor Wallace and Robert Owen, and goodness 
 knows what all." 
 
 " The only reelly sensible thing you've done, Erb," 
 remarked one, " is not getting married." 
 
 " That's one of 'em," he admitted. 
 
 " You don't know what it is to be always buying 
 boots for the kiddies." 
 
 " Don't want." 
 
 " You single men get it all your own way. Same 
 time, it's a selfish life in my opinion. You don't live 
 for the sake of anybody." 
 
 " I live for the sake of a good many people," said 
 Erb, dodging into the road to evade a square of girls 
 carrying hymn-books, and returning with his chair to 
 the pavement. " What I'm anxious to do is to see 
 the world better and brighter, to organise either by 
 word of mouth or otherwise " 
 
 " Old man ! " protested the others indignantly, " give 
 us a rest. You ain't in the park now." 
 
 He 'gave up the wooden chair to one of the men, 
 who took it inside the passage of a house in Upper 
 Grange Road. The others stepped across to a public- 
 house ; he nodded and went on. 
 
lo ERB 
 
 " Won't change your mind and 'ave one, Erb ? " 
 
 " My mind," he called back, " is the one thing I 
 never 'ardly change." 
 
 He did not relax his seriousness of demeanour 
 until he had passed the high-walled enclosure of 
 Bricklayers' Arms Goods Station and had turned into 
 Page's Walk. There the fact was borne on the air 
 that dinner-time was near, for attractive scents of 
 cooking issued out of every doorway ; he moved his 
 lips appreciatively and hurried on with a more cheerful 
 air. Children waited anxiously in doorways for the 
 signal to approach the one gay, over-satisfying meal 
 of the week, at which there was always an unusual 
 exhibition of geniality and good temper that would 
 eventually conciliate the worried mother, who had 
 devoted the morning to providing the meal. Men 
 returned from a morning at their clubs, where the 
 hours had been chased by a third-rate music-hall 
 entertainment; these hummed or whistled some en- 
 ticing air with which they desired better acquaintance. 
 Erb scraped his boots carefully on the edge of the 
 pavement, and went up the stone steps of model 
 dwellings. From No. 17 came a broad hint of rabbit 
 pie : a veiled suggestion of pickled pork. 
 
 "Well, young six-foot," he said cheerfully, "is the 
 banquet prepared? Are all our honoured guests 
 assembled ? " 
 
 "Wouldn't be you," remarked his short sister 
 
ERB II 
 
 quickly, " if you didn't come 'ome long before you 
 were wanted." She stood on tiptoe and glanced at 
 herself in the glass over the mantelpiece ; her head 
 was covered with steel hair-curlers, which had held it 
 fiercely since the previous morning. " And me in me 
 disables." 
 
 " You look all right," said Erb. 
 
 " I shall 'ave to this afternoon." 
 
 " What's going to 'appen this afternoon ? " 
 
 " I told you ! " remonstrated his sister. " My new 
 young man's going to drop in for a cup of tea." 
 
 " You mean the one in the hat place in Southwark 
 Street?" 
 
 " Bah 1 " said his young sister contemptuously. " I 
 gave him the sack weeks ago." 
 
 "You're always a-choppin' and a-changin'," said 
 Erb tolerantly. 
 
 "If you weren't such a great gawk," remarked his 
 sister, bending to peep into the oven, "' you'd put the 
 knives and forks, and not sit there like a — like a — I 
 don't know what." 
 
 Erb pulled a drawer underneath the table and 
 complied. 
 
 " The other way about, stupid," said the short girl 
 wrathfuUy. " You don't take your knife in your left 
 hand, do you ? 'Pon me word, I often wonder that 
 men was ever invented. I s'pose you've been talkin' 
 yourself 'ungry, as usual ? " 
 
12 ERB 
 
 " I addressed a large meeting," said Erb, with a 
 touch of his important manner, "for upwards of 
 eleven minutes." 
 
 " Did they aim straight ? " 
 
 " They were very appreciative," said Efb. " One 
 chap that interrupted I went for with 'orse, foot, and 
 artillery. I treated him with satire ! " 
 
 " Weren't there ladies present, then ? " 
 
 " There was one, as it happened." 
 
 " She'd been better off at 'ome," remarked the girl 
 severely. 
 
 "A tremendous weapon, satire, in the 'ands of a 
 clever man," said Erb exultantly, " takes the starch 
 out of 'em like drenching with a fire 'ose. Am I 
 supposed to stay on 'ere whilst this new chap of yours 
 mops up his tea ? " 
 
 " Unless me lady comes down from Eaton Square 
 to lord it over us all." 
 
 "Nice occupation for a man of my — a man of 
 my " 
 
 " Don't say ' intellect,' " begged his sister. " Spoils 
 me appetite if I laugh much before dinner." 
 
 A pleasure to watch the sister, her sleeves rolled 
 up to the elbow, setting right the things on the table, 
 placing, with the aid of an exact pair of eyes, the 
 china cruet-stand at the very centre, fabricating some 
 mustard in a teacup, and pouring it cleanly and care- 
 fully into the mustard-pot, glancing at the oven with 
 
ERB 13 
 
 an encouraging "'Urry up there!" to the pie, and 
 ever a wary look-out on the lid. of the saucepan on 
 the fire; intervals she filled by complaining of the 
 price of coals, by dusting the mantelpiece, by asking 
 questions about the morning's speeches, by explain- 
 ing with great interest the trouble that came to a 
 girl in her workshop consequent on accepting en- 
 gagement-rings from two young men at the same 
 time. Presently the one right moment arrived, and 
 out came the rabbit pie, with a crust not to be 
 equalled for lightness and flakiness in Page's Walk, 
 where, indeed, experiments in the higher walks of 
 cookery sometimes proved so disastrous as to lead 
 to domestic contention and a review of the varied 
 grievances that had accumulated throughout the 
 ages. Erb, at the head of the table, cut the pie, and 
 his young sister sat at the side, with one foot on the 
 insecure support, so that the table scarcely wobbled 
 under this trying operation ; there ensued some 
 argument because Erb wanted to place both of the 
 kidneys on her plate, and his sister would not hear 
 of this, but a compromise was effected by sharing 
 these dainties fairly and equally. His sister said 
 grace. 
 
 " For what we are 'bout 'ceive. Lord, make us truly 
 thankful. for. Well ? " she asked, rather nervously, as 
 Erb took his first mouthful. Erb tasted with the air 
 of a connoisseur. 
 
14 ERB 
 
 " I've come across worse," he said. 
 
 " I was afraid how it was going to turn out," con- 
 fessed his sister, with relief " It's long since I tried 
 my 'and at a pie." 
 
 " There's nothing anyone can't do in this so-called 
 life of ours," said Erb oracularly, " providin' that we 
 put our best into it. We've all been endowed " 
 
 " Pickle pork all right ? " 
 
 "The pickle pork isn't nearly so bad as it 
 might be," said Erb. " As I was saying, the human 
 brain " 
 
 "If Alice comes down from Eaton Square this 
 afternoon in anything new," said his young sister 
 definitely, " I shall simply ignore it. In fact, I shall 
 say, ' Oh, you haven't got anything new for the spring 
 then yet?' That," said the girl gleefully, "that'll 
 make her aspirate her aitches." 
 
 " We mustn't forget she's our sister." 
 
 " She wishes she could jolly well get it put of her 
 memory. Being parlourmaid in Eaton Square, and 
 about five foot nine from top to toe, don't entitle any- 
 body to come down 'ere to Page's Walk and act 
 about as though Bricklayers' Arms Station belonged 
 to them. After all, she's only a servant, Erb ; there's 
 no getting away from that. She doesn't get her even- 
 ings to herself like I do. Compared with her, I'm 
 almost independent, mind you. I may 'ave to work 
 'ard in the day, I don't deny it, and the work isn't 
 
ERB 15 
 
 over and above 'ealthy, but after seven o'clock at 
 night I'm me own mistress, and I can go out and 
 about jest as I jolly well like. Tip up the dish, and 
 take some more gravy." 
 
 " As a matter of fact you come 'ome 'ere, and you 
 work about and get the place ready against me 
 coming 'ome." 
 
 " And why shouldn't I ? " demanded his young 
 sister warmly, "if I like to? Can't I please meself? 
 I'd rather do that than go and wait at table on a lot 
 of over-dressed or under-dressed people, and obliged 
 to keep a straight face whatever silly things you 
 might 'ear them say. Is there a little bit more of the 
 crust you can spare me ? " 
 
 " I quite admit," said Erb, supplying her offered 
 plate, "that to me there is something distaste- 
 ful " 
 
 " I only put the leastest bit of onion in." 
 
 " I'm referrin' now to the arrangement by which 
 those who possess riches are able to call upon the 
 working portion of the population to enable them to 
 live." 
 
 " I don't blame them," remarked his sister quickly, 
 with her involuntary twitching of the head. " I should 
 do the same if I was in their place. Tapioca pudding, 
 Erb, for after. How does that strike you ? " 
 
 " A tapioca and me," said Erb genially, " have 
 always been on speaking terms. I can always do 
 
i6 ERB 
 
 with a tapioca. A tapioca and me are good chums. 
 Don't forget your stout." 
 
 " Wish I was." 
 
 "What I mean is, don't forget to drink it. My 
 friend Payne, by the way, may call with a message." 
 
 " I'd as lief take doctor's stuff," said his sister, with 
 a wry face. " What's Payne calling about ? " 
 
 " You'll have a lay down after dinner." 
 
 " I shall be busy," answered his sister, " making 
 meself good-looking." 
 
 "You'll have a lay down," Erb repeated firmly. 
 "Besides, you look all right. Your face is a bit 
 white, but," with a burst of compliment, "you'd 
 pass in a crowd. No cheese for me. You 'ave 
 some." 
 
 " I've done, thanks." She bowed her head and 
 spoke rapidly in an undertone. "What we have 
 received, Lord, make us " 
 
 The fact that the tall sister from Eaton Square 
 called before Louisa had changed and taken her hair 
 out of curlers was attributed by Louisa to the tall 
 sister's unvarying desire to see Page's Walk at its 
 worst, to find thus excuse for showering upon it her 
 contempt. Alice, from a lofty height, added to by an 
 astonishing hat from which Louisa could not, in spite 
 of herself, keep her eyes, complained bitterly to her 
 sister of the state of Old Kent Road, upbraided Erb for 
 the impudence of a 'bus conductor who, because she 
 
ERB 17 
 
 had talked a little on the way, offered to carry her on 
 to the Deaf and Dumb Asylum without extra charge. 
 " The vulgar humour of these poor men," said Alice, 
 unnecessarily dusting a chair before sitting down, 
 " appals one." She mentioned that the Eaton Square 
 coachman had offered to drive her anywhere she 
 wanted to go, but that, for various reasons, into which 
 she preferred not to enter, she had declined. 
 
 " I've brought you a bottle of Burgundy, Louisa ; 
 you'll find it in my muff." 
 
 "To put on me 'andkerchief ? " asked Louisa 
 satirically. 
 
 The tall sister glanced appealingly first at the 
 stolid Erb, then at the ceiling. 
 
 " I am on good terms with the housekeeper," she 
 explained, " for the moment, and there is no difficulty 
 in obtaining any little thing of this kind. And you're 
 not looking well. You want picking up." 
 
 " Your idea seems to be to give me a set down," 
 said Louisa. " Going to take your things off? " 
 
 " I'll just loosen my jacket. I won't take it off, 
 thank you." 
 
 "You know the state of the lining better than I 
 do. Erb, you're silent all at once." 
 
 " I Was thinking," said Erb, going across the room 
 and taking the bottle from its resting-place. " How 
 much does a bottle of Burgundy wine like this run 
 into, Alice ? " 
 c 
 
i8 ERB 
 
 An exclamation came from the short girl as the 
 tall sister took a pair of pince-nez from her blouse, 
 and, with great care, put on these new decorations 
 in order to assist her in giving the answer. 
 
 "A bottle like that would 'run into,'" she ex- 
 plained, with a short laugh, as she quoted Erb, " about, 
 what shall I say, six or seven shillings." 
 
 " You can take it back," he said shortly. " I'm not 
 going to be indebted to Eaton Square, or any other 
 'aunt of the aristocracy, for philanthropy of any kind 
 or description whatever, not even when they are un- 
 aware that they're giving anything away. I should 
 be stultifying meself if I did. If Louisa or me 
 wants Burgundy we can buy it at the grocer's, and, 
 if necessary, go as far as to drink it, with the satisfied 
 feeling that we're not beholden to anyone. Eh, 
 Louisa ? " 
 
 "You've hit it in once," agreed the short sister. 
 " Cigar or cokernut ? " 
 
 " Therefore, whilst thankin' you for your doubtless 
 well-meant kindness, perhaps, Alice, you'll under- 
 stand that my principles " 
 
 "You needn't bang the table about," interrupted 
 the tall sister. 
 
 " It's ours," retorted Louisa. "We can bang it if 
 we like." 
 
 " My principles," repeated Erb with relish, " prevent 
 me from accepting anything concerning which I have 
 
ERB 19 
 
 reason to believe that it had not been acquired, or 
 bought, or paid for by the party at whose hands 
 I receive it." 
 
 " That's right, Erb," said Louisa encouragingly. 
 
 " I shall look pretty," protested Alice, " carrying 
 it about all the evening." 
 
 "If it has that effect," said her short sister, " I 
 don't see how you can grumble. Come in the bed- 
 room and show me how you manage this new way 
 of doing up the hair." 
 
 Erb read a chapter from Herbert Spencer whilst 
 the girls were out of the room, well repaid if here 
 and there he understood a sentence, if now and again 
 he caught sight of a view that soon eluded him. The 
 book had been recommended by a speaker at the 
 Liberal and Radical Club a few Sundays before, an 
 Honourable Somebody, whose proud boast it was 
 that he had unsuccessfully contested more seats at 
 general and at bye-elections than any man belonging 
 to his party, and who was, indeed, such an uncom- 
 promising bore, that he might well and appropriately 
 have been subsidised by his very grateful opponents. 
 The Honourable Somebody had also strongly recom- 
 mended a book by Ruskin, and this, too, Erb had 
 procured from the Free Library, but had given it 
 up after a brief struggle, confessing that it was a bit 
 too thick even for him. Erb made notes on the 
 back of parcels' waybills when he found something 
 
20 ERB 
 
 that seemed to him lucid : smiled to think of the 
 start his companions would give when they should 
 hear him say in a speech, " I am inclined to go with 
 
 our friend Spencer and say with him " conveying 
 
 thus the impression that his acquaintance with litera- 
 ture was so complete that he had but to pick and 
 choose from the treasures of his memory in order to 
 give an illuminating quotation. He had made a bag 
 of five when his sisters returned ; Louisa without her 
 fierce hair -curlers, her head decked out in a new 
 fashion, and more amiable in her attitude towards 
 her sister, and, indeed, holding her arm affectionately. 
 Alice, slightly less austere, took up Erb's book with 
 a word of apology and remarked, " Oh, yes ! " in the 
 manner of one recognising an old companion. 
 
 "Read it?" 
 
 "Well," said the tall sister, " I have not exactly 
 read it, but I have heard of it. Two of our young 
 ladies talk about it sometimes at meals : Lady Frances 
 declares she can't understand half of it." 
 
 " Easy enough," said Erb, " once you get the hang 
 of the thing." 
 
 "What are the young ladies like, Alice, at your 
 new place?" asked the short sister at the looking- 
 glass. 
 
 " I've often been going to tell you. But you'd never 
 listen,' complained Alice. 
 
 " Tell us now ! " 
 
ERB 21 
 
 They all became much interested in this subject, 
 and even Erb put some elucidating questions. Louisa 
 looked admiringly at her tall sister as Alice went 
 from this to the subject of visitors to Eaton Square : 
 young Lady Frances, it seemed, occasionally gave 
 mixed dinners, where no one knew anybody else, and 
 even Lady Frances herself did not insist on previous 
 acquaintance : the password was notoriety. From 
 this subject to the servants' coming party of the fol- 
 lowing Thursday week was an easy stage. Thursday 
 had been selected to fit the convenience of certain 
 visitors whose establishments on that day closed 
 early. 
 
 " We shall be rather short of gentlemen, by-the-by." 
 
 " I can quite understand that," said Louisa. 
 
 " I suppose, Erb," said Alice to her brother doubt- 
 fully, '^you wouldn't care to come if I got you an 
 invite ? If you did, you'd have to remember that I 
 told them you were an inspector : you mustn't make 
 me look like a story-teller. I'd get you asked, Louisa," 
 she went on candidly to her short sister, "if you 
 looked better than you do, I don't think your work 
 does you any good." 
 
 " I'm not in it for me health," retorted the other, 
 her head giving its involuntary shake. 
 
 " I've advised her to try something else," agreed 
 Erb, walking up and down the room. " She's only 
 a bit of a girl, and the circumstances under which 
 
22 ERB 
 
 our female workers are compelled to carry on their 
 duties amount to a species of white slavery which 
 would not be tolerated in Russia." 
 
 " Loud cheers ! " commented Louisa. " It's about 
 time my young man was 'ere. If he can't keep his 
 appointments I shall have to talk to him straight." 
 
 As though in answer to this threat a loud single 
 knock came at the door. 
 
 "Let him wait a bit," said Louisa. "Do him 
 good." 
 
 Another knock came and the girl went to the 
 door to upbraid the caller for unmannerly im- 
 patience. She withdrew her head quickly. 
 
 " It's Payne," she announced to her brother. 
 
 " Deuce it is ! " said Erb with excitement. 
 
 In the passage stood a man with a stiff, short, 
 red beard, his upper lip shaven ; near to him, a 
 newer arrival, a nervous youth, with a wired flower 
 in his coat, who asked shyly whether Miss Barnes 
 happened by any chance to be at home. 
 
 "Trot in," said Erb, jerking his head. The nervous 
 youth took off his hat and obeyed. " Well, Payne, 
 old man," said Erb to the other. 
 
 " I've won the three old 'uns over," whispered the 
 man with the red beard. 
 
 " Good on you ! " 
 
 " They'll sign to-morrow." 
 
 " And if the answer ain't satisfactory ? " 
 
ERB 23 
 
 "Then," said Payne in an undertone, his hand 
 guarding the words at his mouth, "then they'll 
 follow our lead." 
 
 " And strike ? " 
 
 " And strike ! " said Payne. 
 
CHAPTER II 
 
 10ND0N starts its day as the country starts, and 
 -^ in the early hours of a spring morning, before 
 the scent of tanning-yards is awake, even Bermond- 
 sey seems pure and bright. The loads of vegetables 
 strolling up Old Kent Road, the belated pockets of 
 last year's hops coming, roped sky high, out of the 
 gates of the goods station ; the rapid barrows return- 
 ing from Covent Garden with supplies of flowers and 
 fruit for suburban shops — all these help. At half-past 
 seven comes a transition period. The day's work 
 has begun and it has not begun. Every five minutes 
 increases the haste of those who come out of the 
 giant model dwellings, and up from the tributary 
 roads ; girls, as they run, stab at their hats ; men, 
 at a trot, endeavour in vain to light their pipes, but 
 continue trying as they go, because matches are 
 cheap and time is priceless. The law of compensa- 
 tion asserts itself: those who were merry last night 
 and stayed out to sing their way joyously home are. 
 In the morning, thoughtful or surly, whilst those who 
 eluded the attractions of the club or public-house 
 
 24 
 
ERB 25 
 
 rally them with much enjoyment on their obvious 
 depression. 
 
 Erb, after the exaltation of Sunday night's meeting 
 in St. George's Road, where his unreasonable hope to 
 see again the tall, lame girl had been disappointed, 
 but where he had received from one of the leading 
 men in the labour world, grown white-haired in the 
 "service, a gracious compliment ("I was like my 
 enthusiastic friend Barnes when I was a lad," the 
 white-haired man had said), Erb experienced a 
 slight reaction to find that here was the old matter- 
 of-fact world and — Monday morning! An inde- 
 pendent set (because of the fact that for so many 
 hours of the day they were their own masters, with 
 a horse and van to take them about, and a boy 
 for slave or despot), on Monday mornings carmen 
 were specially curt of speech and unreliable of tem- 
 per. In the stables was contentious dispute about 
 horses, about the condition of the empty vans, about 
 tardily arriving boys, about anything, in fact, that 
 lent itself to disapproval. Erb's boy, William Henry, 
 was prompt as ever, but Erb found annoyance in 
 the circumstance that his friend Payne, instead of 
 taking up conversation in regard to an urgent 
 matter where it had been left the previous afternoon, 
 now treated this as a subject of "secondary import- 
 ance, and as they drove up in the direction of town 
 and the Borough, insisted, with the interruptions that 
 
26 ERB 
 
 came when traffic parted their vans, on giving to Erb 
 details of a domestic quarrel, in which his wife, Payne 
 said, had been wrong and he had been right ; Payne 
 seemed anxious, however, to obtain confirmation of 
 this view from some impartial outsider. The boy on 
 each van left his rope at the back to listen. 
 
 "Shall we have time to do that," asked Erb at 
 St. George's Church, where there was a stop of tr^affic, 
 " before we start out on our first rounds ? I should 
 like to see it under weigh." 
 
 "It isn't," said Payne from his van, still absorbed 
 with his own affairs, " it isn't as though I was always 
 nagging. I don't seepose I've lifted me 'and at her 
 half-a-dozen times this year, and then only when she's 
 aggravated me." 
 
 "It ought to have an effect if we can get every 
 name signed to it." 
 
 "Question is, has a legally married wife got any 
 right to go throwing a man's rel'tives in his face jest 
 because they don't come to see her ? I ain't respon- 
 sible for my uncle Richard, am I ? Very well, then, 
 what's the use of talkin' ? " 
 
 * William Henry, in Erb's van, made a note. Never 
 have an uncle Richard. 
 
 " It must be unanimous," remarked Erb, speaking 
 in fragments, and endeavouring to entice Payne's 
 mind to imperial subjects as the policeman's hand 
 allowed them to go on, " or else it might as well not 
 
ERB 27 
 
 be done at all. It's a case of all of us sticking 
 together like glue. If it don't have no effect, what 
 I've been thinking of is a deputation to the General 
 Manager." 
 
 " She's not a-going to manage me" returned Payne, 
 catching something of the last sentence. "If I'm 
 treated with proper respect I'm a lamb, but if any- 
 one attempts to lord it over me I'm simply a roaring 
 lion." 
 
 William Henry, ordered back to the tail of his van, 
 made note number two. Trouble brewing, and, in 
 the case of wholesale discharges, a fair chance of 
 pushful lads gaining promotion. 
 
 The foreman waited at the entrance to the rail- 
 way arch where the up parcels office, after many 
 experiments in other places, had decided to settle; 
 he looked on narrowly as vans drove up the side 
 street. The van foreman had been a carman in his 
 day (to say nothing of a more lowly start in boyhood), 
 and he openly flattered himself that he knew the 
 whole bag of tricks : he also sometimes remarked 
 acutely that anyone who had the best of him had 
 only one other person to get over, and that other 
 person did not live on this earth. The van foreman 
 was not really so clever as he judged himself to be 
 (but his case was neither unprecedented nor without 
 imitators), and his maxim — which was that in dealing 
 with men you had to keep hammering away at them 
 
j8 ERB 
 
 —was one that in practice had at times defective 
 esults. 
 
 " Yes," said the van foreman gloomily, as though 
 eplying to a question, " of course, j^^m two are not the 
 irst to arrive. Barnes and Payne — Payne and Barnes. 
 There ain't a pin to choose between you. What's 
 ^our excuse ? " 
 
 "Wh-oh!" said Erb to his horse, assuming that 
 t had shied. " Wo — ho ! my beauty. Don't be 
 Tightened at him. He ain't pretty, but he's quite 
 larmless." 
 
 " I want no sauce," snapped the van foreman. 
 Good manners cost nothing." 
 
 "You might as well replenish your stock, then," 
 etorted Erb. 
 
 " Re-plenish ! " echoed the other disgustedly. "Why 
 lon't you talk the Queen's English like what I do? 
 Vhat's all this about a round robin to the guv'nor ? " 
 
 " Fond of game, isn't he ? " 
 
 " Look 'ere," said the van foreman seriously, " I'm 
 lot going to bemean meself by talking to you. I've 
 poken to some of the others, and I've told them 
 here's the sack for every man of 'em that signs it. I 
 ;ive no such warning to you, mind : I simply turn 
 le back on you, like this." 
 
 " Your back view's bad enough," called Erb, as the 
 ther went off; "but your front view's something 
 wful." 
 
ERB 29 
 
 " I was a better-lookin' chap than you," called the 
 foreman hotly, " once." 
 
 " Once ain't often," said Erb. 
 
 He backed his van into position, and was about to 
 cry " Chain on ? " but William Henry had anticipated 
 the order, and had, moreover, fetched from the book- 
 ing-up desk the long white delivery sheet, with its 
 entries of names and addresses. William Henry also 
 assisted in loading up the parcels with more than 
 usual alacrity, that he might have a few minutes in 
 which to saunter about with an air of unconcern and 
 pick up news concerning possible vacancies. The 
 carmen who had finished their work of loading wept 
 up to the further end of the archj waiting for the hour 
 of twenty to nine, and snatching the opportunity for 
 discussing a matter of public interest. Erb followed, 
 watched keenly by the van foreman. 
 
 " Got the document, Erb ? " 
 
 " 'Ere it is," said Erb importantly, drawing a long 
 envelope from the inside pocket of his uniform jacket. 
 " All drawn up in due order, I think." 
 
 "What we've got to be careful about," said a 
 cautious, elderly carman, preparing to listen, "is 
 not to pitch it too strong, and not to pitch it too 
 weak." 
 
 "The same first-class idea occurred to me," remarked 
 Erb. 
 
 " Read it out to 'em, Erb," suggested Payne. 
 
30 ERE 
 
 Pride and a suggestion of Southwark Park in the 
 young man's tones, as, unfolding the sheet of fools- 
 cap paper, he proceeded to recite the terms of the 
 memorial. The style was, perhaps, slightly too 
 elaborate for the occasion, but this appeared to be no 
 defect in the eyes and ears of the listening men. 
 
 " ' And your petitioners respectfully submit, there- 
 fore, these facts to your notice, viz, ' " 
 
 "What does 'viz.' mean?" asked the elderly car- 
 man apprehensively. 
 
 "'To your notice, viz., the long hours which we 
 work, the paucity of pay, and the mediocre prospects 
 of advancement. Whilst your petitioners are un- 
 willing to resort to extreme measures, they trust it 
 will be understood that there exists a general and 
 a unanimous determination to ameliorate ' " 
 
 " He'll never understand words like that," said the 
 elderly carman despairingly. "Why, I can only 
 guess at their meaning." 
 
 "'To ameliorate the present environments under 
 which they are forced to carry on their duties. 
 Asking the favour of an early answer, we are, sir, 
 your obedient servants ' " 
 
 "That," concluded Erb, "that is where we all 
 sign." 
 
 "Your respectful and obedient servants, / should 
 say," suggested the elderly carman. 
 
 " Hark ! " said Erb authoritatively. " The terms of 
 
ERB 31 
 
 this have all been very carefully considered, and once 
 you begin to interfere with them, you'll mar the unity 
 of the whole thing. Payne, got your pen ? " 
 
 Payne seemed to feel that he was adjusting his 
 quarrel with domestic events by dipping his pen- 
 holder into an inkstand and signing his name fiercely. 
 Erb followed : the other men contributed to the 
 irregular circle of names. The elderly carman hesi- 
 tated, but one of his colleagues remarked that one 
 might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, and the 
 elderly carman appeared to derive great encourage- 
 ment from this, signing his name carefully and 
 legibly, and looking at it when done with something 
 like affection. 
 
 " I sha'n't ask you to get away with your loads 
 many more times," shouted the van foreman from the 
 other end of the arch, " Yes, it's you I'm talkin' to. 
 You're all champion mikers, every one of you. I 
 wouldn't give three 'apence a dozen for you, not if 
 I was allowed to pick and choose." 
 
 The men flushed. 
 
 " Chaps," said Erb quickly, " there's only one thing 
 we might add. Shall we recommend that this old 
 nuisance be done away with? I can easily work it 
 in." 
 
 " I beg to second that," growled Payne. 
 
 "Thought you wasn't taking any suggestions?" 
 remarked the elderly carman. 
 
32 EJRB 
 
 " This is more than a suggestion," said Erb master- 
 fully. "Are we all agreed?" The men held up 
 their hands, shoulder high. " Much obliged ! Payne, 
 after you with that pen." 
 
 Many of the van boys had snatched the oppor- 
 tunity to have a furtive game of banker with picture 
 cards, but William Henry stood precisely at the tail 
 of his mate's van, responding in no way to the 
 raillery of his young comrades, who, in their efforts 
 to move him from the path of good behaviour, 
 exhausted a limited stock of adjectives, and a 
 generous supply of nouns. To William Henry, as 
 a safe lad, was entrusted the duty of taking the long 
 envelope to the Chiefs office, and his quick ears 
 having gained something of the nature of the com- 
 munication, he ran, and meeting the Chief at the 
 ddor of the private office, gave it up with the mes- 
 sage, "Answer wanted sharp, sir!" a gratuitous 
 remark, ill-calculated to secure for it an amiable 
 reception. 
 
 The labour member who had given to Erb a 
 golden compliment on the previous evening had 
 many proud titles; he was accustomed to say that 
 the one he prized highest was that of " a manager of 
 men," and, indeed, the labour member had lost the 
 colour of his hair and added lines to his face by 
 piloting many a strike, guiding warily many a lock- 
 out, but he had been rewarded by the universal 
 
ERB 33 
 
 acknowledgment that he could induce the men to do 
 as he wished them to do ; having gained this posi- 
 tion, any idea of revolt against his command ap- 
 peared, on the face of it, preposterous. It pleased 
 Erb, as he drove his soberly-behaved horse and his 
 van through the City to commence deliveries in the 
 Pimlico district, to think that he, too, at the very 
 outset, had impressed his colleagues with a confident 
 manner. Fine to see the wavering minds pin them- 
 selves to his superior direction, and give to him the 
 duty of leading. He rehearsed to himself, as he 
 drove along the Embankment, the speech which he 
 would make when they held a meeting consequent 
 on a refusal of the application ; one sentence that 
 came to his mind made him glow with delight ; he 
 felt sure it had occurred to no one before. " United 
 we must succeed ; divided we most certainly shall 
 fail ! " He talked himself into such a state of ecstasy 
 (William Henry the while swinging out by the rope, 
 and repelling the impertinent action of boys on 
 shop cycles, who desired to economise labour by 
 holding on at the rear of the van), that when he 
 drove his thoughtful horse round by the Houses of 
 Parliament it seemed to him that if the House were 
 sitting he had almost achieved the right to get down 
 and go in there and vote. At his first delivery, 
 a contumacious butler, ill-tempered from an impu- 
 dent attempt on the part of his master to cut down 
 
 D 
 
34 Jiiitii 
 
 expenses, recalled Erb to his actual position in life, 
 and as he went on Grosvenor Road way he was 
 again a carman at twenty-three shillings and six- 
 pence a week. Later, at a coffee -shop which pro- 
 claimed itself "A Good Pull-up for Carmen," and 
 added proudly, " Others Compete, Few Equal, None 
 Excel," he stopped for lunch, having by that time 
 nearly finished his first round of deliveries. 
 
 He shouted an order of "Bag on!" to William 
 Henry, and, stepping down, went inside. Other 
 drivers from other companies were in the coffee- 
 house, and Erb, taking a seat in one of the pews, 
 listened with tolerant interest to their confused argu- 
 ments. All the variously uniformed men had a 
 grievance, and all were quite certain that something 
 ought to be done. The least vague of the proffered 
 solutions came from a North Western man, who said 
 that they must be up and doing. 
 
 " Great thing is," werlt on the North Western man, 
 encouraged by the absence of contradiction, " to keep 
 on pegging away." 
 
 " Which way ? " asked a carman at the end of the 
 room. 
 
 "Seems to me," remarked a Great Western man, 
 cutting the thick bacon on his bread gloomily, " that 
 every other department's getting a look in excepting 
 the drivers. We're out of sight part of the day, and 
 out of mind all the day. Take my own case. I've 
 
ERB 35 
 
 got children growing up, and I find," here the Great 
 Western man rapped the handle end of his knife on 
 the table, " I find they all want boots." 
 
 " What can I get for you ? " said the matronly 
 waitress, coming down the aisle. 
 
 " I didn't call you, my dear. I was only arguin'." 
 
 " Man-like 1 " said the waitress, going back to the 
 kitchen. 
 
 " I find 'em in boots," went on the man, " but do I 
 ever 'ave a chance of seeing the kids or the boots 
 'cept on Sunday?" A murmur of anticipatory agree- 
 ment with the coming answer went round. "My 
 youngest forgets me from one Sunday to another, 
 and screams like anything when he catches sight 
 of me." 
 
 " P'r'aps you smile at him, old man ? " 
 
 "And that's why I agree," concluded the Great 
 Western man earnestly, "that some'ing ought to be 
 done. Has anybody got 'alf a pipe of 'bacca to 
 spare ? " 
 
 Erb closed the black shiny bag which his sister 
 Louisa had packed, and stood out in the gangway 
 between the pews. He held his peaked cap in his 
 hand, and fingered at the brass buttons of his waist- 
 coat. 
 
 " I've took the liberty of listening," he said, speak- 
 ing slowly, "to the remarks you chaps have been 
 making, and if there's two minutes to spare, I should 
 
36 ERB 
 
 like to offer my views. I shan't take more'n two 
 minutes." 
 
 " Fire away," said the others, leaning out of their 
 pews. 
 
 He punched at the inside of his peaked cap when 
 he had finished, and strode out of the doorway, an 
 exit that would have been dignified had not the 
 stout waitress hurried down after him with a demand 
 for fourpence-halfpenny. Even in these circum- 
 stances, he had the gratification of hearing inquiries, 
 " Who is he, who is he ? " And one commendatory 
 remark from the North Western man, " Got his 'ead 
 fixed on the right way." 
 
 " Now, why ain't you lookin' after the van, William 
 Henry ? " asked Erb appealingly. 
 
 " Very sorry, mate," said the boy, " but I never can 
 resist the temptation of listening to you." 
 
 Erb accepted the excuse. He climbed up to 
 his seat, and, awakening the well - fed horse, in- 
 duced him to finish the deliveries. Eventually he 
 drove back to the station. There he heard the latest 
 news. The Chief had sent for the van foreman, a 
 cabinet council had been held, the Chief had gone 
 now to consult the General Manager. So far, good ; 
 the dovecotes had been fluttered. He met five or six 
 of the carmen as he waited for his second deliveries, 
 and criticised the writing of the clerk at the booking- 
 up desk ; they were nervous now that the arrow had 
 
ERB 37 
 
 been shot, and they impressed upon Erb the fact that 
 it was he who really pulled the bow. He accepted 
 this implication of responsibility, his attitude slightly 
 reassured the nervous. A young horse was brought 
 up from the stables to take the place of the solemn 
 animal, and its eccentric and sportive behaviour 
 occupied Erb's thoughts during the afternoon. He 
 had occasion to deliver a hamper of vegetables at 
 a house in Eaton Square, and to collect a basket of 
 laundry, and as he waited he saw his sister Alice on 
 the steps of her house whistling for a hansom ; he 
 would have offered assistance, only that he remem- 
 bered that in the eyes of that house he was an 
 inspector ; when a cab answered the appeal a very 
 tall, neatly dressed young woman came down the 
 steps, preceded by Alice, who ran to guard the 
 muddy wheel with a basket protector. An attractive 
 face the tall young woman had ; Erb would have 
 thought more of it, but for the fact that at this period 
 of his career he had determined to shut out from his 
 purview all members of the fair sex, excepting only 
 his sisters ; the work before him would not permit 
 of the interference that women sometimes gave. He 
 resented the fact that the lame young woman of 
 Southwark Park declined to go from his memory. 
 
 " Carman Barnes. To see me hereon to - day, 
 certain." 
 
 This was the endorsement in red ink on the sheet 
 
38 ERB 
 
 of blue foolscap which had set out the grievances 
 of the carmen, and Erb flushed with pride to find 
 that he, and he alone, had been selected to argue 
 the grievances of his colleagues with the Chief of 
 the department. The men appeared not to grudge 
 him the honour; the van foreman held himself 
 austerely in a corner, declining to open his mouth, 
 as though fearful of disclosing an important State 
 secret. Erb thought it diplomatic to ask the others 
 whether they had any suggestions to offer for the 
 coming debate (this without any intention of accept- 
 ing advice) ; they all declared moodily that it was 
 he who had led them into trouble, and his, therefore, 
 should be the task of getting them out. Erb washed 
 in a zinc pail, parted his obstinate hair carefully 
 with the doubtful assistance given by a cheap pocket 
 mirror which William Henry always carried, and, 
 watched by the carmen and chaffed by the casually 
 interested porters and clerks, he went to endure that 
 experience of an interview with the Chief, known 
 as " going on the carpet." The Chief was engaged 
 for the moment ; would Carman Barnes please wait 
 for a few moments? It happened that Erb himself 
 was boiling for the consultation, and this enforced 
 delay of a few moments, which grew into ten 
 minutes, disconcerted him ; when at last a shorthand 
 clerk came out, and he was admitted into the pre- 
 sence, some of his warm confidence had cooled. The 
 
ERB 39 
 
 Chief, a big, polite, bearded, good-tempered man, sat 
 at the table signing letters. 
 
 "Shan't keep you half a second," he remarked, 
 looking up. 
 
 " Very good, sir." 
 
 " Beautiful weather," said the Chief absently, as he 
 read, " for the time of the year." 
 
 " We can't complain, sir," said Erb meaningly, " of 
 the weather." The clock up high on the wall of the 
 office ticked on ; Erb endeavoured to marshal his 
 arguments in his mind afresh. 
 
 " That little job is finished," said the Chief, dabbing 
 the blotting-paper on his last signature. " Wonder 
 how many times I sign my name in the course of 
 a day ; if only I had as many sovereigns ! Let me 
 see, what was it we wanted to talk to each other 
 about?" Erb produced the memorial, and stood 
 cap in hand as the Chief read it with an air that 
 suggested no previous knowledge of the communi- 
 cation. "Oh, yes," said the Chief, "of course. I 
 remember now. Something about the hours of duty." 
 
 " And wages," said Erb, " etcetera." 
 
 " I get so much to think of," went on the Chief 
 autobiographically, " that unless I put it all down on 
 a memo I forget about it. Now when I was your 
 age-: What are you, Barnes?" 
 
 " Twenty-three next birthday, sir." 
 
 "Ah," sighed the Chief, "fine thing to be three- 
 
40 ERB 
 
 and-twenty. You've got all the world before you. 
 You ought to be as happy as a lord at your age." 
 
 "The 'appiness that a lord would extract from 
 the wages we carmen get would go in a waistcoat 
 pocket." 
 
 "Something in that," admitted the other cheer- 
 fully. "But, bless my soul, there are plenty worse 
 off. A man can grub along very well on it so long 
 as he is not ambitious." 
 
 "And why shouldn't a man be ambitious?" 
 demanded Erb. "Some people raise themselves up 
 from small beginnings " — the Chief took up his paper- 
 cutter — " and all honour to them for it." The Chief 
 laid down the paper-cutter. " It must be a great 
 satisfaction to look back when they are getting their 
 three or four 'undred a year and think of the time 
 when they were getting only a quid a week! It 
 must make 'em proud of themselves, and their wife 
 and their womenfolk must be proud of 'em too." 
 
 " Married, Barnes ? " 
 
 " Live with my sister, sir." 
 
 " Engaged perhaps ? " 
 
 " Not on twenty-three and six." 
 
 Difficult to use the well-rehearsed arguments and 
 the violent phrases to a courteous man, who showed 
 so much personal interest. If he would but raise his 
 voice or show defiant want of sympathy. 
 
 " But some of us are married, sir," Erb went on. 
 
ERB 41 
 
 " and some of us have children, and I tell you straight, 
 when the rent is paid, and when the children's clothes 
 are bought and just the necessaries of life are pur- 
 chased, there's precious little left over. You can't 
 realise perhaps, sir, what it means to look at every 
 penny, and look at it hard, before it's paid away." 
 
 " Pick up a bit, don't you, you carmen ? " 
 
 " An occasional twopence," admitted Erb. " And 
 think what a degrading thing it is for some of us 
 to accept voluntary contributions from those placed 
 in a more fortunate position in life ! " 
 
 " Never knew a railway man object to it before," 
 mused the Chief 
 
 " You're thinking of the old school, sir. Men are 
 beginning to recognise that capital can't do without 
 them, and capital must therefore fork out accordingly. 
 This memorial which you hold at the present time in 
 your 'and, sir, contains a moderate appeal. If that 
 moderate appeal is refused, I won't be answerable for 
 the consequences." 
 
 "And yet, I take it, you know more about the 
 consequences than anyone else ? " 
 
 " Be that as it may, sir," said Erb, flattered, " we 
 needn't go into hypo — hypo " 
 
 " Hypothetical ? " 
 
 " Thank you, sir. We needn't go into that part of 
 the question at present. But it's only fair to warn 
 you that when I go back to the men and tell them 
 
42 ERB 
 
 that their very reasonable applications have been one 
 and all refused, and refused, if I may say so, with 
 ignominy, then there'll be an outbreak. Mind you, 
 sir, I'm not blaming you ; I only talk to you in this 
 way, because 'ere's me representing labour on this 
 side of the table, and there's you on the other side of 
 the table representing capital." 
 
 " Labour," said the Chief, trying to make a tent of 
 three penholders, " is to be congratulated." 
 
 " Therefore, not wishing to take up your time any 
 longer, I should like to conclude by remarking in the 
 language of one of our poets of old, who says — — " 
 
 " No, no," protested the Chief gently, " don't let us 
 drag in the poets. They were all very well in their 
 way, but really, you know, not railway men. Not 
 one of J;hem. What I want you to tell the others 
 is that if I had the power of deciding on this matter, 
 likely enough I should give them everything they 
 ask. But above me, Barnes, is the Superintendent, 
 above the Superintendent is the General Manager, 
 above the General Manager are the Directors, and 
 above the Directors are the Shareholders." 
 
 " And all of you a-stamping down on poor us." 
 
 "To a certain extent," admitted the Chief, in his 
 friendly way, " but only to a certain extent. What 
 they want, and what I want, is that everything should 
 go on smoothly." 
 
 " To come to the point," suggested Erb. " I take 
 
ERB 43 
 
 it that I'm to go back to the men and say to them, 
 ' All my efforts on your behalf have been fruitless.' " 
 
 " Your efforts ? " 
 
 "My efforts," said Erb proudly. 
 
 " You are mainly responsible then ? " 
 
 " I don't deny it." 
 
 " I see," said the Chief, slowly pulling the feathers 
 from a quill pen. " My information was to that 
 effect, but it is well to have it confirmed by you. 
 Now look here, Barnes." He took up the sheet of 
 blue foolscap with a change of manner. " The men 
 ask for the removal of the van foreman. That sug- 
 gestion will not be acted upon. If we were all to 
 be allowed to choose our own masters we should 
 be playing a nice topsy-turvy game. You under- 
 stand ? " 
 
 " I've taken a note of it," remarked Erb darkly. 
 He wrote something with a short pencil on the back 
 of an envelope. " Negative answer also, I s'pose, 
 to the question of hours ? " 
 
 " Not so fast. In regard to the question of hours 
 some concession will be made. They have increased 
 of late without my knowledge. The men will take it 
 in turns, in batches of three or four, to go off duty at 
 six o'clock one week in the month. This will necessi- 
 tate a couple of extra carmen." 
 
 " Good ! " approved Erb, making a fresh note. "We 
 now approach the question of wages." 
 
44 ERB 
 
 " The men who have been in the service for five 
 years will receive an additional two shillings a week." 
 
 " That's a fair offer." 
 
 " The men who have been with us for more than a 
 year will, with one exception, receive an increase of 
 one-and-six." 
 
 Erb wrote the figures on the back of the envelope. 
 Already he was composing in his mind the elaborate 
 sentences by which he would make the satisfactory 
 announcement to his colleagues. A telephone bell in 
 the corner of the office stung the ear ; the Chief rose, 
 and bidding Erb wait outside for a few minutes, went 
 to answer it. Erb closed the door after him in order 
 to avoid any suspicion of overhearing, and, big with 
 the important news, could not resist the temptation 
 to hurry through into the arch where the men in a 
 group were waiting. 
 
 "Well, chaps," said Payne^-^when Erb, in one long, 
 ornate sentence had given the information, "this is 
 a little bit of all right. I think I'm speaking the 
 general opinion when I say we're very much indebted 
 to Erb for all the trouble he's took." 
 
 " Hear, hear ! " said the men cheerfully. 
 
 " I could see from the first," remarked the eldest 
 carman, " that he meant to pull it off for us." 
 
 " The occasion being special," said Payne, bunching 
 his short, red beard in one hand, " I think we might 
 all of us treat ourselves to a tonic." 
 
ERB 45 
 
 " Not me," said Erb. " I've got to get back just to 
 say a few more words to the gov'nor. But don't let 
 me stop you chaps from 'aving one." 
 
 " You won't ! " remarked Payne with candour. 
 
 Conversation at the telephone was still going 
 on when Erb returned to the Chief g office; some 
 time having been occupied, apparently, with the 
 usual preliminaries of one party begging the other 
 to speak up, and the other urging on the first the 
 advisability of seeking some remedy for increasing 
 deafness. The Chief rang off presently, and came 
 to the door and opened it. 
 
 " Sorry to keep you waiting, Barnes." 
 
 "Was there anything else you wanted to say, 
 sir?" 
 
 " Only this. I told you there was one exception in 
 this scheme of increases." 
 
 " Everitt is a bit too fond of the glass, sir, but 
 p'raps a word of warning from you " 
 
 " Everitt drinks, but Everitt does, his work quietly, 
 and he doesn't disturb the other men. The one ex- 
 ception, Barnes, is yourself" 
 
 "Me? "exclaimed Erb. 
 
 " It's like this," said the Chief, going on with the 
 work of plucking a quill pen. "You're a restless 
 organiser, and no doubt somewhere in the world there 
 is a place for you. But not here, Barnes, not here ! 
 Of course, we don't want to sack you, but if you don't 
 
46 ERB 
 
 mind looking out for another berth, no hurry, you 
 know, next week will do — why " 
 
 The Chief threw down the stark quill pen ; intima- 
 tion that the conference was at an end. 
 
 " I'm not the first martyr that's suffered in the cause 
 of right and justice," said Erb, his face white, "and 
 I'm probably not the last. I take this as a distinct 
 encouragement, sir, to go on in the path that Fate -" 
 
 "Shut the door after you," said the Chief, "and 
 close it quietly, there's a good chap." 
 
CHAPTER III 
 
 TURMOIL of the mind that followed in the next 
 few days was increased by the worry of a 
 Society engagement. To the servants' party in Eaton 
 Square, Erb, having been formally invited, sent answer 
 that he was busy with meetings of one sort and another, 
 and begged, therefore, to be excused : this to his sister 
 Louisa's great content. Arrived another post-card 
 from Alice, saying that if this meant that he would 
 not come unless Louisa were invited, then she sup- 
 posed there was nothing to do but to ask them both ; 
 she would send a few things down by Carter Paterson 
 the day before the party, that Louisa might adorn 
 herself with something like distinction, and do as 
 little harm as possible to the repute of Alice. To 
 which, after an enthusiastic discussion (that was not 
 a discussion, in that Louisa did all the talking), a 
 reply was sent, stating that Louisa and himself would 
 arrive by a series of 'buses on the night mentioned, 
 and that Louisa begged her sister would not deprive 
 herself of articles of attire, " me having," said Louisa's 
 note, "ample." The incident had its fortunate side, 
 
 47 
 
48 ERB 
 
 insomuch that it absorbed the whole mind of the 
 young sister, and prevented her from giving atten- 
 tion to the matter of Erb's forced resignation. Lady 
 experts called every evening at the model dwell- 
 ings to give advice in regard to costume, and, in 
 the workshop, other white-faced girls pushed aside 
 the relation of their love affairs in order to give their 
 minds to this subject : Louisa's current young man 
 received stern orders to not so much as dare show his 
 face in Page's Walk for a good fortnight. It was only 
 on the evening of the party, when Louisa, gorgeously 
 apparelled, sat in the living-room, ready a full hour 
 before the time for starting, and Erb in his bedroom 
 was about to start on the work of changing from a 
 parcels carman to a private gentleman, that the short 
 girl found leisure for a review of Erb's affairs. 
 
 " And all the rest," said Louisa severely in con- 
 clusion, "all the rest of these 'umbugs reaping the 
 fruits of your labours, and you thrown out neck and 
 crop. I can't think how you come to be such a idiot. 
 You don't see me doing such silly 'things. What do 
 you think your poor mother would say if she were 
 'ere?" 
 
 " Haven't seen the evening paper, I s'pose ? " asked 
 the voice of Erb, muffled by soapsuds. 
 
 "Evening paper!" echoed the short sister fractiously. 
 " Is this a time for bothering about evening papers ? 
 Question is what are you going to do next, Erb? 
 
ERB 49 
 
 Been round to any of the other stations?" A 
 grunt from the bedroom intimated a negative answer. 
 " You'll come to rack and ruin, Erb, that's what you'll 
 come to." 
 
 "Catch hold." A bare arm held out from the 
 bedroom doorway a pink evening paper. 
 
 " What d'you want me to read now ? I can't go 
 botherin' my 'ead about murders when I'm full of 
 this party." 
 
 " Where my thumb is," said Erb's voice. A damp 
 mark guided her attention, and she read it, her lips 
 moving silently as she went through the paragraph, 
 her head giving its uncontrollable shake. 
 
 "We understand that a Society of Railway 
 Carmen has been formed, and that the first 
 meeting will be held at the Druid's Arms, South- 
 wark, on Saturday evening, at half- past nine 
 o'clock, a late hour fixed in order to secure the 
 attendance of the men. There are two candi- 
 dates for the position of secretary — Messrs. 
 Herbert Barnes and James Spanswick. The 
 former is losing his situation for taking part in 
 a labour movement, and his case has excited a 
 great deal of interest." 
 
 " I say," cried Louisa, in an awed voice, " that's 
 never meant for you, Erb ? " 
 
 " It ain't meant for anyone else," called Erb. 
 " Seen anything of my stud ? " 
 
50 ERB 
 
 "Where did you put it last? But, just fancy, 
 in print too. And underneath is something about 
 royalty." Louisa clicked her tongue amazedly. 
 " You never said anything about it, either." 
 
 " No use talking too much — why, here's the collar- 
 stud in the shirt all the time — no use talking too 
 much beforehand. Besides, it isn't what you may 
 call definitely settled yet. Spanswick's got very 
 strong support, and he hates me as much as he 
 likes beer. I said something rather caustic on one 
 occasion about his grammar." 
 
 " I shall snip this out," said Louisa, as Erb ap- 
 peared struggling into his coat, "and I shall show 
 it privately to everybody I come across at Eaton 
 Square to-night." 
 
 " Don't know that that's worth while." 
 
 " It'll let 'em see," said Louisa, with decision, " that 
 they ain't everybody. When you've done trimming 
 your cuffs with the scissors, let me have 'em." 
 
 No further word of disparagement came from the 
 short girl as she trotted along proudly by the side 
 of her brother to the junction where New Kent Road 
 starts for Walworth and town. Indeed, outside the 
 tram she expressed some surprise at the fact that 
 so many people were not acquainted with him ; she 
 consoled herself by the assurance that once Erb 
 obtained a start the whole world would join her in 
 an attitude of respect ; she also enjoyed, in anticipa- 
 
E|RB 51 
 
 tion, the reflected glory that would be hers in the 
 workshop the following morning. Being as out- 
 spoken in praise as in blame, it resulted, as they 
 walked over Westminster Bridge, that not only 
 Louisa, but. Erb himself, had attained a glowing 
 state of content, and when they arrived eventually 
 at the house in Eaton Square (lighted recklessly 
 below and sparsely illuminated above) they felt that 
 the world might possibly contain their equals, but 
 they were certainly not prepared to look on anybody 
 as a superior. 
 
 " Jackson," said the buttoned boy who opened the 
 door as they descended the area, "this looks like 
 your lot." 
 
 " They call her Jackson," whispered Louisa to her 
 brother, interrupting his protest. " Parlourmaid here 
 is always called Jackson." 
 
 Alice came forward. A spray of wiM flowers 
 meandered from the waist of her pale blue dress 
 to her neck ; she took her brother's hand up high 
 in the air before shaking it. A few tightly collared 
 young men stood about the entrance to the cleared 
 kitchen, encouraging white gloves to- cover their 
 hands ; they wore bunches of flowers in button- 
 holes, and one of them had an open dress waistcoat. 
 A Japanese screen masked the big range ; nails in 
 the walls had been relieved of their duties, a white- 
 
52 ERB 
 
 cloth'd table with refreshments stood at the end near 
 a pianoforte. 
 
 "You're early," said Alice, kissing her sister 
 casually. 
 
 Louisa took the brown-paper parcel from Erb's 
 arm. " Thought you'd like the evening to start well," 
 she said. " Any gentlemen coming ? " 
 
 " Haven't you got eyes ? " asked Alice, leading the 
 way upstairs and waving a hand in the direction of 
 the shy youths. 
 
 " Gentlemen, I said," remarked Louisa. 
 
 " I shall begin to wish I hadn't asked you," said 
 Alice pettishly, " if you're going on like this all the 
 evening. I believe you only do it to annoy me." 
 
 "What else could I do it for?" asked the short 
 sister. 
 
 " Erb," ordered the tall sister from the stairs, " you 
 leave your hat and coat in that room. Thank good- 
 ness ! I've got a brother who knows how to behave. 
 Good mind now not to tittivate your hair for you." 
 
 " You mustn't mind me," said Louisa, relenting at 
 this threat. " It's only me manner." 
 
 They were received on returning downstairs by 
 the housekeeper, a large important lady in black silk 
 and with so many chains that she might have been 
 a contented inmate of some amazingly gorgeous and 
 generous prison ; the housekeeper having been in- 
 formed that Erb was an official on a South of 
 
ERB 53 
 
 England railway begged him to explain why, in 
 travelling through Ireland during the winter, it was 
 so difficult to obtain foot-warmers, and seemed not 
 altogether satisfied with the reply that it was prob- 
 ably because the Irish railways did not keep them 
 in sufficient quantities. The cook, also stout but 
 short, engaged Erb for two dances, assuring him 
 (this proved indeed to be a fact) that she was, in 
 spite of appearances, very light on her toes, and 
 quoting a compliment that had been paid to her 
 by a perfect stranger, and therefore unbiased, at 
 Holborn Town Hall in the early eighties. But, after 
 all, added cook inconsequently, the proof of the 
 pudding was in the eating. 
 
 " And this, Erb, is Jessie," said Alice, introducing 
 a large-eyed young woman in pale green. " Jessie is 
 my very great friend." She added, " Just at present." 
 
 " I think you speak, Mr. Barnes ? " said the large- 
 eyed young woman earnestly. 
 
 " I open my mouth now and again," admitted Erb, 
 "just for the sake of exercising my face." 
 
 " Ah ! " she sighed, looking at him in a rapt, 
 absorbed way. " Somehow you put it all in a nut- 
 shell. I could almost — perhaps I ought not to say it 
 — but I could almost worship a clever man." 
 
 Erb, reddening, said that there were precious few 
 of them about. 
 
 " Talk to me, please ! " she said appealingly. 
 
54 ERB 
 
 "Button this glove of mine, and then tell me all 
 about yourself. I shall be frightfully interested." 
 
 "You don't want to hear about me," said Erb, 
 essaying the task set him. 
 
 " If you only knew ! " she said. 
 
 This was gratifying. Erb had wondered whether 
 the evening would interfere for a time with consider- 
 ation of his great crisis : he soon found that the 
 evening was to put that subject entirely out of his 
 thoughts. This was in itself a relief, for, despite con- 
 fidence in himself, he felt nervous about the result 
 of the forthcoming meeting; to-night he could 
 dismiss worry and give his mind a holiday. He 
 found that Jessie's surname was Luker, and the house 
 called her Masters ; the tall young woman declared 
 that she positively hated the name of Luker, and 
 confessed to a special admiration for the name of 
 Barnes, strongly contesting Erb's suggestion that 
 Barnes was a second-class sort of name, and worthy 
 of little esteem. Near the pianoforte that had been 
 fixed in the corner of the kitchen, a sombre young 
 person in black sat on a chair that had to be im- 
 proved and made suitable by an enormous dictionary, 
 fetched by the pageboy from upstairs, and, receiving 
 orders to play just what she liked for the first, this 
 lady struck violently into the prelude of a waltz, 
 choosing a square in the pattern of the wall-paper 
 before her at which she could yawn. Couples, stand- 
 
ERB 55 
 
 ing up, waited impatiently for the real waltz to 
 commence ; young women moving a smartly slippered 
 foot; Louisa formulated her first protest against 
 convention by saying aloud to her partner, a precise 
 footman, " Oh, let me and you make a start ! " The 
 others said " S-s-s-h ! " and watched the butler. The 
 butler gave a pull at his yellow waistcoat and 
 advanced solemnly to the housekeeper. 
 
 " Mrs. Margetson," he said, " I'm not so handy on 
 me feet as I used to be, but I trust I may have the 
 honour of opening the dance with you ? " 
 
 "Mr. Rackham," replied the housekeeper with a 
 slight bow, " thank you very much for asking, but, as 
 you know, the leastest excitement makes my head 
 a torture. Would you mind," with a wave of the fan, 
 " asking Mamselle to take my place ? " 
 
 " I shall have much plaisure," said the French 
 lady's-maid promptly. "A deux temps or a trois 
 temps, Meestair R-rack-ham ? " 
 
 " Leave it to you, Mamselle," replied the butler. 
 
 The two went half-way round the kitchen before 
 the other couples ventured to move : a nod from the 
 housekeeper then gave permission. Erb found him- 
 self rather unfortunate at first, and this was his own 
 fault, for, with his usual manner of taking charge, he 
 endeavoured to pilot the agreeable Miss Luker, and 
 ran her into rocks and whirlpools and on to the 
 quicksands of ladies' trains ; it was only after the 
 
56 ERB 
 
 fourth disaster, when the fianci of the upper-house- 
 maid (who was one of the tightly collared men and 
 wore his short hair brushed forward in the manner 
 of grooms) said to him audibly, " Not accustomed to 
 drive, apparently!" that he permitted Miss Luker 
 to take up the duty of guidance, and thereafter 
 they went in and out the swinging dancers with no 
 accident. Miss Luker was quite a marvellous young 
 woman, for she could dance and talk calmly at the 
 same time, a trick so impossible to Erb that, when 
 he attempted it, he found he could only stammer 
 acquiescence to some disputable theory advanced by 
 his partner, or ejaculate words in acceptance of an 
 undeserved compliment. 
 
 " It may be fate," sighed Miss Luker, as she saved 
 Erb from sweeping the player from her dictionary 
 and chair, "but do you know you have exactly my 
 step ? It seems like fate," repeated Miss Luker, as 
 the music stopped and couples began to walk round 
 the room, " and it is fate." 
 
 " I don't quite follow you," said Erb, trying to 
 regain his breath and dodging the long train of 
 Mamselle. "To my mind, most things depend on 
 us, and if we want anything to happen we can 
 generally make it happen. Otherwise, where would 
 ambition, and energy, and what not come in ? " 
 
 "You mustn't talk above my head," said Miss 
 Luker winningly. " You forget how stupid we poor 
 
ERE 57 
 
 women are." An accidental lull came in the clatter 
 of conversation. 
 
 " You're an exception," declared Erb. 
 
 His sisters looked over their shoulders at him with 
 surprise, and the footman winked. The others, with 
 an elaborate show of tact, began to speak hurriedly 
 on the first subject that occurred to them, and the 
 girl at the pianoforte, checked half-way through a 
 yawn, was ordered by the housekeeper to play a set 
 of Lancers. Erb, in his life, had many trying 
 moments, but none seemed so acute as this, when he 
 had been caught paying a compliment to a lady. 
 Nevertheless, some excuse could be urged : whenever 
 he glanced at Miss Luker, now with the gloomy 
 young man for partner, he found that her large eyes 
 were looking at him, and she turned away quickly 
 with great show of confusion. On the Lancers, by 
 gracious permission of the housekeeper, repeating its 
 last figure, cook, beckoned aside by the footman, 
 introduced her partner with due formality. The 
 footman bowed. 
 
 "We — er — know each other by reputation, Mr. 
 Barnes." 
 
 " Kind of you to say so, Mr. Danks," said Erb. 
 
 " When you feel inclined for a cigarette," said the 
 footman, " give me the word ! They won't let us 
 smoke here, but we can go into the pantry, or we 
 can take a whiff round the square if you prefer 
 
58 ERB 
 
 it." Here the footman frowned. " I often wonder 
 whether ' round the square ' is a correct expression. 
 Find any trouble, may I ask, in choosing your lan- 
 guage ? " 
 
 " It comes to me pretty free," said Erb, " if I'm at 
 all 'eated." 
 
 " Heated," corrected Mr. Banks, " heated ! Before 
 I went to my uncle's in Southampton Street, Camber- 
 well, to take lessons, I used to drop 'em like — like 
 anything." 
 
 " Never trouble about trifles meself." 
 
 " For public men like me and you," said Mr. Banks, 
 He stopped a wink, perceiving that what he had 
 thought to be a humorous remark did not, judging 
 from Erb's expression, really bear that character, 
 " Like me and you," he went on, " the letter aitch is 
 one of the toughest difficulties we have to encounter. 
 In my profession, at one time, it was looked on, to 
 use your words, as a trifle. Those times, Mr. Barnes, 
 are gone and done with. The ability to aspirate 
 the letter aitch in the right place — in the right place, 
 mind you — has done more to break down the barriers 
 that sep'rated class from class than any other mortal 
 thing in this blessed world," 
 
 " I wonder, now," said Erb, with some interest, 
 •' whether you're talking rot, or whether there's some- 
 thing in what you say ? " 
 
 " If you think anything more of it," said Mr, 
 
ERB 59 
 
 Danks, feeling in his waistcoat pocket, "take my 
 uncle's card, and go and chat it over with him." 
 
 " ' Professor of Elocution. Declamation Taught in 
 Ten Easy Lessons ! ' " read Erb. 
 
 " His daughter knows you ; heard you speak in 
 Southwark Park." 
 
 " Not a lame girl ? " 
 
 "If I hadn't gone to him," said Mr. Danks, 
 nodding affirmatively, " I should never have known 
 how to recite." 
 
 " So her name's Danks ? " 
 
 " Rosalind Danks." 
 
 " Rosalind," repeated Erb thoughtfully. 
 
 " As it is," said the other with a wink of satisfac- 
 tion, " my ' King Robert of Sicily ' gets me more 
 invites out than I know what to do with. I suppose 
 your sister has told you all about it." 
 
 " Talks of nothing else," declared Erb inventively. 
 
 To his surprise, Mr. Danks shook him very warmly 
 by the hand, and with the remark that he must now 
 do the amiable to the remaining member of the 
 family, left Erb and went across to Louisa — Louisa, 
 flushed and almost attractive-looking from the ex- 
 citement of dancing. Erb calculated the distance 
 between himself and the fair Miss Luker, and, with 
 an attempt to imitate the easy manner of Mr. 
 Danks, lounged across in her direction, but before he 
 reached her three of the young men had formed up 
 
6o ERB 
 
 defensively, and Erb had to lean clumsily against the 
 wall near to his short sister and her new companion. 
 Mr. Danks placed a footstool for Louisa. 
 
 " You are rather short," explained the excellently 
 mannered footman. 
 
 " I stopped growin' a purpose," said Louisa, kicking 
 the footstool aside. 
 
 " You don't resemble your sister at all." 
 
 " Mustn't let her hear you say that," remarked 
 Louisa, "else she'll be mad." 
 
 " It's been a very dull season in town," said Mr. 
 Danks regretfully. 
 
 " Have you been away, then ? " 
 
 " I suppose you get a good many engagements, Miss 
 Barnes ? What I mean to say is, don't you find it a 
 great tax ? The demands of society seem to increase 
 year by year." 
 
 " It's some'ing awful," agreed Louisa. " I shall be 
 out again — let me see " 
 
 " To-morrow night ? " 
 
 " In about six weeks' time, to a cantata at Marl- 
 borough Chapel. Scarcely gives you time to breathe, 
 does it ? " 
 
 Alice perceived that her brother was growing 
 moody in his solitude, and brought up to him the 
 French lady's-maid, who, discovering that he had 
 once spent a day at Boulogne — conveyed to and fro 
 by a free pass — talked to him vivaciously of the 
 
ERB 6i 
 
 superiority of her native country over all others. 
 The young woman at the pianoforte, aroused from 
 a brief nap, was ordered to play a schottische. 
 
 At this point the evening suffered a check. It was 
 cook's fault. Cook, fearing that the hours were not 
 moving with enough rapidity, suggested games ; 
 suggested also one called the Stool of Repentance. 
 Necessary for one person to leave the room, and 
 Mr. Danks, being selected for this honour, went out ; 
 the others thereupon selected libellous statements, of 
 which Erb took charge. 
 
 "Come in. King Robert of Sicily," called Erb. 
 Mr. Danks entered, and was ordered by cook (hug- 
 ging herself with enjoyment) to take a chair in the 
 centre of the kitchen. "Someone says you're, con- 
 ceited." 
 
 " That's you," said Mr. Danks, pointing to Alice. 
 
 " Wrong ! " remarked Erb. " Someone says all the 
 gels laugh at you." 
 
 " That's you," decided Mr. Danks, pointing at 
 cook. Cook now convulsed with amusement. 
 
 " Wrong again ! Someone says you can't recite 
 for nuts." 
 
 " I say," urged Mr. Danks, wriggling on the chair, 
 
 "I'm as fond of a joke as anyone, but really 
 
 That sounds like you, miss." Louisa shook her head 
 negatively. 
 
 " You're not lucky, old man. Someone says you'll 
 
62 ERB 
 
 never get married in all your life, for the simple 
 reason that no one wants you," 
 
 "That's you this time, at any rate," cried Mr. 
 Danks with melancholy triumph. And, as Louisa 
 it was, the short young woman had to go out. 
 
 " Come in ! " cried Erb, when the accusations had 
 been decided upon. " Some of 'em have been making 
 it warm for you, Louiser." 
 
 " I'll make it sultry for them, Erb." 
 
 " Someone says you'd be a fine-looking gel if you 
 were twice as broad and three times as long." 
 
 " Cqok ! " exclaimed Louisa. 
 
 Cook, slightly disappointed at this swift identifica- 
 tion, made her way out with a large sigh of regret 
 at enforced exercise. It was determined now to 
 show more ingenuity, and cook had to knock two 
 or three times ere permission could be given for her 
 return. 
 
 "Someone says," remarked Erb, "that you're the 
 finest woman in Eaton Square, bar none." 
 
 Cook laughed coquettishly. "That sounds like 
 you, Mr. Barnes." 
 
 " No fear ! " said Erb. " Someone says you'll get 
 engaged some day " 
 
 " What nonsense ! " interrupted cook delightedly. 
 
 " If you only wear a thick veil over your 
 face." 
 
 " Look here ! " said cook definitely. " That's enough 
 
ERB 63 
 
 of it. If I find out who said that, I shall make no 
 bones about it, but I shall go straight upstairs and 
 complain to Lady Frances, so there now." 
 
 " Someone says," Erb went on, " you've got such 
 an uncommon-size mouth that it would take three 
 men and a boy to kiss you." 
 
 " I don't want to lose me temper," said cook 
 heatedly, and speaking with no stops, " and I'm not 
 going to but once I know who dared say that and 
 I'll go to the County Court first thing to-morrow 
 morning and take out a summons against them 
 people shan't go saying just what they like about 
 me behind me back without having to prove every 
 
 single No, no, I'm not getting cross nothing 
 
 of the kind but evil communications corrupt good 
 
 manners and once I know who so much as dared ! 
 
 It's a silly stupid game and I can't think why it was 
 ever suggested." 
 
 They were going back to dancing after this un- 
 successful essay when a quiet tap came at the door 
 of the kitchen ; the couples, standing up to begin, 
 suddenly released each other, the French lady's-maid 
 crying humorously, "Ciel! c'est mon mari ! " Conver- 
 sation ceased, and cook bustled forward and opened 
 the door. 
 
 " May I come in, cook, I wonder ? " 
 
 "Why," cried cook, hysterical with delight, "as 
 though you need ask, my dear, I mean, m'lady ! " 
 
64 ERB 
 
 It seemed to Erb that the West End possessed 
 some exceptional forcing properties, making all of 
 its young women grow tall. He stood upright, as 
 though on parade, unconsciously following the lead 
 given by the tightly collared men and by Mr. Danks. 
 As the very tall young woman went across the silent 
 room to the housekeeper his gaze followed her; he 
 would have given half his savings to have been 
 permitted to assume a light, unconcerned, and, if 
 possible, a defiant manner. 
 
 "Do you know," she said brightly, "that I have 
 not been down here since I was ten years old ? " 
 
 " That's twelve years ago. Lady Frances," said the 
 housekeeper. The housekeeper adjusted a bow at 
 the white shoulders of the new arrival with an air of 
 privilege. 
 
 " You sometimes used to let me bake things, didn't 
 you, cook ? " 
 
 " I had to take care you didn't eat 'em," said 
 cook, admiring her from the opposite side of the 
 room. The strain on severe countenances around 
 the kitchen relaxed slightly. "The others," added 
 cook proudly, " don't remember. Time flies. It was 
 before their day, Lady Frances." 
 
 "And now that I am here," said Lady Frances, 
 "it seems that I am to spoil your party." The 
 servants and the visitors murmured, " Oh, no ! " in 
 an unconvincing way. 
 
ERB 65 
 
 "What I thought was," she went on brightly, 
 " that I might play to you." 
 
 "We have taken the liberty," said the housekeeper, 
 " of hiring a musical person." 
 
 "But you will be glad of a rest," said Lady 
 Frances, touching the pianoforte girl and stopping 
 her in a yawn. " When I was at school at Chelten- 
 ham I used to be rather good at dance music." 
 She turned suddenly and looked down at Louisa. 
 "Perhaps you play?" 
 
 " Me ? " echoed Louisa confusedly. " I draw the 
 line at a mouth organ." Louisa's sister Alice lifted 
 her eyes in silent appeal to the Fates. " And even 
 that I'm out of practice with.'' Louisa found her 
 handkerchief in a back pocket, and with some idea 
 of hiding confusion, rubbed her little nose vigorously. 
 
 " I think you have dropped this," said Lady 
 Frances. 
 
 " Oh, that's only a bit out of this evening's news- 
 paper. About my brother," added the giri. 
 
 " Really ! May I read it, I wonder ? " 
 
 "Spell the words you can't pronounce," said 
 Louisa. The room waited ; Erb shifted his feet 
 and endeavoured to look unconcerned. 
 
 "Are you Miss Spanswick then?" pleasantly and 
 encouragingly. 
 
 "Am I Miss Spanswick?" echoed Louisa with 
 despair in her voice. " Give it 'old ! This is my 
 
 F 
 
66 ERB 
 
 brother's name — Herbert Barnes — and, consequently, 
 my name is Barnes. Not Spanswick." 
 " I see ! Tell me what can I play ? " 
 " Play something you know," advised Louisa. 
 " Rackham ! please suggest something." 
 " If it wasn't troubling your ladyship," said Mr 
 Rackham, taking off the dictionary, "and putting 
 you to a great amount of ill-convenience, I should 
 venture to suggest — hem ! — a set of quadrilles." 
 
 Something in the playing, once the couples had 
 persuaded themselves to make up sets and to dance 
 to such an august musician, that had escaped the 
 art of the hired girl. An emphasis at the right 
 place ; a marvellous ability for bringing the music 
 of each figure to an end just as the dancing ceased, 
 so that there was no longer necessity for clapping of 
 hands to intimate that further melody was useless, or 
 to go on dancing with no music at all. For the 
 next, Lady Frances played a well-marked air for a 
 new dance that had possessed town, and in this 
 Miss Luker gave up her partner and undertook to 
 teach Erb, who was not fully informed on the 
 subject. It occurred to Erb, as he tried to lift his 
 foot at the appointed moment, and prepared im- 
 mediately afterwards to swing the agreeable upper 
 housemaid round by the waist, that although his 
 partner had modelled her style on that of the 
 young woman seated at the pianoforte, there existed 
 
ERB 67 
 
 between them a long interval. Both had the same 
 interested way of speaking, the same attention in 
 listening, but, with Miss Luker, there seemed to be 
 nothing at the back of the eyes. Erb, finding him- 
 self possessed with a hope that Lady Frances might 
 presently speak to him, tried to compensate for this 
 weakness by telling Miss Luker, when they were 
 lifting one foot and swinging round at the far ehd 
 of the kitchen, that a title meant nothing to him, 
 and that, for his part, he preferred to mix with 
 everybody on a common platform, to which Miss 
 Luker replied, " Ah ! that's because you're a railway 
 man." Presently, in one of those sudden blanks of 
 general talk that surprise the unwary, his raised voice 
 was heard to say — 
 
 " Consequence is that the few revel in luxury, 
 
 while the many " He hesitated, and went on, 
 
 floundering through the silence. "Whilst the many 
 'ave not the wherewithal to buy their daily bread." 
 
 The awkward silence continued, broken only by 
 the music from the pianoforte and the swishing of 
 skirts. 
 
 "Erb," said his sister Alice, frowning over Mr. 
 Danks's shoulder, " remember where you are." 
 
 " Exercise tack, my dear sir," recommended the 
 butler. " Exercise tack." 
 
 " Even visitors," remarked the housekeeper severely, 
 so that the young woman at the pianoforte should 
 
68 ERB 
 
 hear, "even visitors ought to draw the line some- 
 where. We can't help our opinions, but we can all 
 stop ourselves from expressing them." 
 
 The music ceased, and the household looked rather 
 nervously towards the chair, with an endeavour to 
 ascertain whether the occupant had overheard the 
 discordant remarks. To their relief, she leaned 
 engagingly back, and beckoned to Louisa. Louisa, 
 her head twitching with pride and agitation, went 
 across the floor, and stood swinging her programme 
 round. 
 
 "You can play!" admitted Louisa. "Where did 
 you pick it up ? " 
 
 " I want you to bring your brother over to me," 
 said Lady Frances. 
 
 Quite useless for the kitchen to pretend that it was 
 giving its entire mind to the subject of refreshments. 
 The situation demanded eyes and ears ; they ate 
 oblong pieces of cake in a detached way, rather 
 as though they were feeding someone else; the 
 housekeeper looked at Alice, and shook her head 
 desolately. 
 
 " I have been reading about you," said Lady 
 Frances in her alert, interested way. 
 
 "Licker to me how these things get into the 
 papers," he mumbled. 
 
 " I should be tremendously interested in life," said 
 the girl, " if I occupied your position. There's some- 
 
ERB 69 
 
 thing sporting about it." She looked at him intently, 
 and he rubbed his nose under a vague impression 
 that it bore some defect. " I wish you the best of 
 good luck." 
 
 "Then I shall have it," said Erb. Alice looked 
 round the room triumphantly, as who should say, 
 Now we are scoring. " Not acquainted much with 
 the working classes, p'r'aps, me lady ? " 
 
 " To my regret, no ! " 
 
 "They're made up of all sorts," went on Erb, 
 wishing that he dared to look at her white shoulders 
 as she looked at his face, " and for the most part they 
 are very easily led. It's only now and again that 
 you find one step from the common ruck." He 
 hesitated, seeing no way out of the sentence except 
 by a self-congratulatory exit. 
 
 " If I should ever want to see through Ber- 
 mondsey," she said, clasping her knee, her head 
 up attractively, " will you be my guide ? " 
 
 " It would be a proud moment," said Erb. He 
 added hastily, " For me, I mean." 
 
 " Cook, shall I play one more, and then go back 
 upstairs and leave off bothering you ? " 
 
 "The idea," said cook reproachfully; "the idea, 
 m'lady, of calling it botherin' us." 
 
 The others murmured polite sympathy with cook's 
 view, but when Lady Frances had played the four 
 figures in a manner that seemed to Erb quite without 
 
70 ERB 
 
 a flaw, she said good-night, giving a special word to 
 Louisa that made the short girl redden with pleasure ; 
 coming back to the doorway after cook had seen her 
 out to say to Erb — 
 
 " Won't forget your promise, will you ? " 
 
 The dance finished at half-past eleven, and the 
 yawning player went off to another engagement in 
 Eccleston Street that began at midnight and was to 
 last until the hour of four. The servants came up 
 the steps of the area to see their visitors go, Alice 
 now so proud of her brother that she declined to 
 acknowledge the compliments of Mr. Danks, ignoring 
 that gentleman's assurance that she had been, as he 
 expressed it, the belle of almost the entire evening. 
 
 " Good-bye, Mr. Barnes," said Miss Luker fervently. 
 She walked on a few steps with him. " This evening 
 will always, always remain in my mind as a precious 
 memory." 
 
 " / shan't forget it in a hurry." 
 
 " Oh, thank you for those words,'' whispered Miss 
 Luker. 
 
 " Don't mention it." 
 
 "But promise. You won't think harshly of me, 
 will you ? " 
 
 " As a matter of fact, I don't suppose I shall 'ave 
 time to think of you at all, 'arshly or otherwise. To- 
 morrow night there's an important meeting on, 
 and " 
 
ERB 71 
 
 " But if you should want to write to me," went on 
 Miss Luker, undeterred, and looking back at the 
 gossiping bunch of visitors near the area entrance, 
 "let me know and I'll send you some addressed 
 envelopes. We live in a censorious world, Mr. 
 
 Barnes, and Here comes your young sister. 
 
 Think of me at four o'clock every afternoon, and I'll 
 promise to think of you." 
 
 " Well, but," protested Erb, " what's the use ? " 
 " Bah ! " said Miss Luker, with a sudden burst of 
 undisguised contempt, " I wouldn't be a dunder- 
 headed man for anything." 
 
CHAPTER IV 
 
 THE third round of deliveries was finished, and, 
 arrived at his last evening, Erb, coat and 
 collar off, washed away the traces of work in the 
 stable pail with the aid of some aggressive soft soap 
 that seemed to have its own way in everything. He 
 had brought with him that morning a parcel of private 
 clothes, and just before going out with the six o'clock 
 turn, he had changed, and had handed in the corduroy 
 uniform. A relief to feel that he no longer wore the 
 brass buttons of servitude ; of late they had seemed 
 to reproach him. He had driven round the Surrey 
 side with the air of a sporting gentleman taking out 
 his own horse and trap; the private clothes helped 
 him to say his good-byes with dignity to all, especially 
 to his old enemy, the van foreman. 
 
 " You would go on in your own tin-pot way," said 
 the van foreman regretfully, " no matter what I said. 
 Your case ought to act as a warnin'." 
 
 "To you?" 
 
 " I should have thought," said the van foreman, 
 with a wistful air, "after all that's passed between 
 
 72 
 
ERB 73 
 
 us we might as well part good friends, at any 
 rate." 
 
 " Look here, old chap," said Erb good-temperedly, 
 " / tried to out you, and you tried to out me ; and 
 you've got the best of it. I don't complain, but I'm 
 not going to pretend I'm on friendly terms with a 
 man when I ain't." 
 
 "That's what I say," retorted the van foreman 
 argumentatively. " You've got no discretion." 
 
 The manner of William Henry had a fine blend of 
 condescension ; the lad came forward from the tail 
 of the van and sat on a hamper, big with news. He 
 had been approached that afternoon and informed 
 that, consequent on the departure of Erb, there would 
 be some changes, and would he, William Henry, 
 accept the position of junior porter at fourteen 
 shillings a week, 
 
 " I shall probably work on from that," said William 
 Henry, "to some even higher position, and then on 
 again. See ? And if ever you want a friend, Erb " 
 
 " I don't let boys call me Erb. Mr. Barnes, if you 
 please." 
 
 " If I'm a boy," said William Henry thoughtfully, 
 " I don't quite see where you're going to find your 
 men. As I was a sayin', if ever you should be down 
 in the gutter — and, mind you, there's unlikelier things 
 than that — you come to me. It may be in my power 
 to 'elp you. And I tell you what you can do for me 
 
74 ERB 
 
 in exchange. You might take the van 'ome to the 
 stables by yourself, so that I can run round to 
 Rotherhithe New Road and tell my young lady." 
 
 " Your young lady ! " 
 
 " And why not ? " demanded William Henry, with 
 some indignation. " We ain't all like you." 
 
 Men balanced themselves on the edge of the kerb 
 outside the "Druid's Arms," and whilst a swollen- 
 faced cornet blared patriotic tunes at them from the 
 opposite side in a ferocious way that permitted of no 
 argument, some of the youngest tried to do a few 
 steps of a dance. Two butchers, affecting to be 
 rivals, chaffed each other derisively in raucous voices, 
 one demanding to know how the widow was, and, on 
 the second man replying incautiously, "What widder?" 
 the first explained that he referred to the widow of 
 the man who bought a joint at the second man's shop 
 last Saturday week. A hoarse-voiced, man sold 
 cough tablets for the voice ; a mild, sightless old 
 man, with bootlaces, had an eager little girl with him, 
 who cried shrilly and commandingly and unceasingly, 
 " Petronise the belind, petronise the belind, petronise 
 the belind !" Boys and girls thrust bunches of flowers 
 against the noses of passers-by ; a depressed woman 
 cried, " Twenty-four comic papers for a punny," with 
 a catch in her voice that expressed regret at the 
 small demand for humour. Erb nodded to the 
 uniformed men whom he recognised, and, going into 
 
ERB 75 
 
 the bar, found his competitor Spanswick. Always a 
 stout man, Spanswick to-night had every sign of his 
 insufficient neck covered with white collar ; Erb was 
 pleased to see that Spanswick's tie had rucked up at 
 the back. 
 
 Spanswick stopped suddenly in the remarks he was 
 making to an interested group who stood leaning over 
 him in the manner of palm trees, and, coming away, 
 shook hands publicly and elaborately with Erb, as 
 men in the boxing-ring salute their opponents, 
 
 "Feeling fit?" 
 
 " Never better," said Erb. " How's yourself? " 
 
 "Bit of a cold," said Spanswick with important 
 reserve ; " but otherwise middling." 
 
 [If there is time, one would like to explain here 
 Spanswick's position amongst the men. It was of 
 that assured kind that new-comers do not dare to 
 question, and contemporaries have agreed to respect. 
 If this ever exhibited signs of waning, Spanswick 
 would gather an audience together and beat the 
 bounds of the incident that had made him a man 
 to be treated with consideration, and the story had 
 been retold so many times, and so many improve- 
 ments and additions had been made to it, that for the 
 sake of history the real facts may as well be set 
 down. 
 
 Spanswick had given way to drink. To say this 
 meant much, for at the time the limits set upon 
 
76 ERB 
 
 the consumption of beer by many of the carmen 
 was only that fixed by their own capabilities. Spans- 
 wick's case must have been exceptional, and, indeed, 
 he was so inclined, not so much to the bottle, perhaps, 
 as to the quart, that his appearance on the morning 
 following these carousals was truly deplorable: his 
 strong-minded wife taking these opportunities to 
 damage his face, with the eventual result that his 
 van boy and his horse sneered at him openly. 
 Wherefore Payne and a man named Kirby and 
 another called Old Jim, decided, in the best interests 
 of mankind at large, and of Spanswick in particular, 
 that some steps should be taken, that it was for them 
 to take these steps, and that the following Friday 
 evening (being pay day) was the time to be selected. 
 Payne's idea was this. They would run Spanswick 
 to earth in one of his resorts, and by wise counsel and 
 urgent illustration force upon him a recognition of 
 the downward career that was his, and its inevitable 
 end. It took some time to arrive at this decision, 
 because Old Jim, who was not abreast of the times 
 and of modern methods, had a remedy that included 
 the dropping of the patient in the canal ; whilst Kirby 
 had another proposal. " Let us set the teetotal chaps 
 on him," urged Kirby. Payne's scheme was adopted, 
 and, the Friday night arriving, the three, after they 
 had finished work, had a shave and a wash, and put 
 on their best clothes (Payne himself wore a silk hat 
 
ERB 'J'] 
 
 of adequate age, but of insufficient size), and they set 
 out solemnly to take up their self-appointed duties. 
 
 " Now," said Old Jim, " the likeliest place is ' The 
 World Turned Upside Down.' " 
 
 " Pardon me," said Kirby, with the politeness that 
 comes with the wearing of Sunday clothes, " pardon 
 me, but ' The Chequers ' is his 'ouse." 
 
 " I thought," remarked Payne, " the ' Dun Cow ' 
 was." 
 
 " I'm prutty sure I'm right," said Old Jim. 
 
 " I'm jolly well certain you're both wrong," declared 
 Kirby with emphasis. 
 
 " Standing here all night arguin'," decided Payne, 
 " won't settle the matter. Let's make a start at one 
 of them." 
 
 Spanswick was not in " The World Turned Upside 
 Down," but the three had a drink there, because 
 it would be notoriously a gross breach of etiquette 
 to go from a public-house without ordering refresh- 
 ment ; to do this were to deride the landlord openly, 
 and insinuate libels on his stock. At the next place 
 the three went into each bar to make sure, and, 
 having money in their pockets, it seemed like doing 
 the thing well and completely to have a drink here 
 in every bar, still discussing the painful case of 
 poor old Spanny, regretting deeply the curse that 
 liquor brought upon men who could not use it with 
 reason. 
 
78 ERB 
 
 " It's good servant," said Old Jim, raising his glass 
 and shutting one eye in order to see clearly, "but 
 bad mas'er. That's what I always says about it. It's 
 a good mas'r, but — What I mean to say is it's a 
 bad servant " 
 
 "Every man," declared Kirby, attempting to slap 
 the counter, but missing it, " ought to know where to 
 draw line." 
 
 "The chap who don't," agreed Payne, — "you're 
 upsetting your glass, Jim, old man, — the chap who 
 don't is like the beas's of field." 
 
 " Worse ! " said Old Jim. 
 
 " No, not worse ! " argued Payne obstinately. 
 
 " Fight you for it," offered Old Jim. 
 
 Kirby interfered and made peace, and throughout 
 the evening, wherever they went in search of Spans- 
 wick, it happened that some two of the three were 
 always quarrelling, whilst the third endeavoured to 
 appease and conciliate. They were on the very edge 
 of a triangular dispute in the last house of call when 
 Payne, sobering for a moment, pointed out to the 
 others that it was closing time, and they must not 
 go to bed without feeling that something accom- 
 plished, something done, had earned a night's repose; 
 necessary that they should proceed now with as much 
 directness as possible to Spanwick's house, and (if 
 they found him) there deliver the calculated words of 
 warning, the prepared sentences of advice. 
 
ERB 79 
 
 '"Ullo, old man," said Payne, as the door of 
 Spanswick's house opened. " Many 'appy returns 
 day." 
 
 "What's all this?" demanded Spanswick coldly. 
 " Brought anything with you in a bottle ? " 
 
 " We've brought good 'dvice," said Old Jim, seating 
 himself on the sill. " How is it we didn't see you at 
 any of the places ? " 
 
 " The wife locked up me boots," replied Spanswick 
 surlily. "That's why! But surely one of you's got 
 a bottle about him somewheres. Search ! " 
 
 "We want you, old chap," said Payne, steadying 
 himself with a hand on either side of the doorway, 
 " to give up the drink. ' Oh, that man should put an 
 en'my into his mouth to steal out his brains.' Chuck 
 it, my friend, chuck it, before it is too late. Shun 
 the flowing bowl, and save your money up to buy 
 harmonium with." 
 
 "I'll harmonium you," said Spanswick threateningly, 
 " if you don't all three of you make yourselves precious 
 scarce. How dare you come round here in this dis- 
 graceful condition to annoy a sober, honest man ? Go 
 to your 'omes and take an example by me. I never 
 saw such a painful exhibition in all me life." 
 
 " How was we t' know you'd be sober ? " asked 
 Kirby, swaying. 
 
 Spanswick emphasised the situation by remaining 
 comparatively sober for a week ; a busy week in 
 
8o ERB 
 
 other ways, for he lost no opportunity of reciting the 
 incident of his own pure and heroic action, establish- 
 ing thus a concrete foundation for the building up of 
 a character that had never entirely disappeared. 
 This is the story of carman Spanswick.] 
 One or two men standing at the zinc bar called on 
 Erb to have a drink, but Erb replied, " Afterwards ! " 
 and went up the wooden staircase to the' club-room. 
 There, on the landing, men were consulting in under- 
 tones, which they changed for louder speech on 
 seeing Erb, commencing to talk noisily of contests 
 with superiors whom they had, it appeared, worsted 
 in argument ; of fresh young horses that required a 
 somewhat similar treatment ; of trouble in regard to 
 Shuts-up, to water allowances, to Brought-backs, and 
 other technical matters. A late colleague of Erb's 
 introduced him to those who were strangers, and Erb 
 made quite a considerable effort to exhibit friendly 
 manners, until a South Western man, mistaking him 
 for Spanswick, told him some of the things that were 
 being said about young Barnes, whereupon Erb left 
 and went into the club-room. In the club-room tables 
 had been arranged in something of the shape of a 
 capital U, and at the base a wooden hammer had 
 been placed and a decanter and tumbler ; sheets 
 of blue foolscap and scarlet blotting-paper gave the 
 room an official, business-like appearance. Payne was 
 there in mufti as to coat, in uniform as to waistcoat 
 
ERB 8i 
 
 and corduroy trousers ; he was to be proposed as 
 chairman, and he stood now with his face to a Scotch 
 whisky advertisement, his lips moving silently ; he 
 nodded to Erb, and went on with his rehearsal. 
 Spanswick coming up with his entourage, took one 
 of the sheets of paper and, with the stump of a 
 pencil, began to make calculations, which were audited, 
 as he went on, by his friends. A few of the men 
 marked the special nature of the proceedings by 
 smoking cigars. The alert clock on the mantelpiece 
 struck the half-hour in a sharp, energetic way and 
 hurried on. 
 
 " I beg move that Jack Payne do take the chair." 
 
 " Beg second." 
 
 "All in favour," said the first voice. " On the con- 
 trary? Carried unanimously and nem. con. Jack" 
 (turning to Mr. Payne), " in you go." 
 
 " In ordinary circs," said Payne, after he had taken 
 the chair and had risen to some applause, " I'm per- 
 fectly well aware that the proper course to pursue 
 at an affair like this is for the chair to call on the 
 seceretary to read the minutes of the last meeting. 
 I know that without any of you telling me. But 
 we're in the position to-night of not 'aving no secere- 
 tary and not 'aving no previous meetin'." 
 
 The heads around the table nodded agreement. 
 A gloomy man seated in the position that a vice- 
 chairman might have occupied half rose and said, 
 
 G 
 
82 ERB 
 
 " Mr. Chairman, sir," and was at once pulled back 
 into his chair by those near him. 
 
 " I was never a man," went on the chairman, his 
 forehead damp with nervousness, " to what you may 
 call force me opinions on any body of men. 'Cepting 
 once, and that was at New Cross in '89. I forget 
 exactly what it was about, and I forget who was 
 there, and I forget what I said, but the entire incident 
 is quite fresh in my memory, and, as I- say, that was 
 the only occasion on which " 
 
 " Question ! " cried the gloomy man at the other 
 end of the room. His neighbours hushed him into 
 silence, 
 
 " I'm coming to the question as fast as ever I 
 can. Few know better than me how to conduct a 
 • meeting of this kind, although I say it p'r'aps as 
 shouldn't, because it sounds like flattery, but it ain't 
 flattery, it's only the truth. I've had it said to me 
 over and over again, not once or twice, but many 
 times." 
 
 " Mr. Chairman, reelly," said the gloomy man, " I 
 must call you to order. We shall never get the 
 business done this side of Chris'mas." 
 
 "Kindly sed down," ordered Payne, in tones of 
 command, " or else resume your seat ; one or the 
 other. It's me," tapping his waistcoat, " me, sir, that 
 calls people to order, not you." 
 
 The gloomy man argued in a loud whisper with 
 
ERB 83 
 
 his neighbours, and, on these counselling that he 
 should simmer down, sat back in his chair, surveying 
 the ceiling, his lips closed determinedly, 
 
 " First thing is shall we, being all of a trade, form 
 a separate society, or shall we jolly well do the other 
 thing ? That's the point. Now, then, who's going to 
 give us a start? You, my friend, of the Great 
 Eastern, down at the bottom of this left-'ahd table, 
 you seem to have a lot to say, p'r'aps we might give 
 you ten minutes, and see whether or not there's any 
 sense in you." 
 
 The gloomy man affected deafness until this had 
 been explained to him by those sitting near, on 
 which he told them rather haughtily that he 
 spoke when he liked, and not when he was called 
 upon. 
 
 "Then we must throw the 'andkercher to some- 
 body else. Spanswick, you might set the ball a-roU- 
 ing. Don't be longer than you can 'elp." 
 
 Erb watched. The impression that his rival made 
 now would affect the later decision, and Erb could 
 not help wishing that Spanswick might prove halting 
 in utterance and clumsy of speech. Cheers greeted 
 Spanswick ; some of the men looked at Erb, as they 
 slapped the table with the palms, of their hands to 
 see how he took it, and Erb remembered, just in 
 time, to join in the compliment. He recovered his 
 hopefulness as soon as Spanswick began, for he 
 
84 ERB 
 
 noted that his opponent started with great rapidity 
 of utterance, speaking also over-loudly — encourag- 
 ing facts both. Spanswick was, of course, urging 
 that they should form a separate society, but he had 
 no arguments, only hurried expressions of his own 
 opinion. Erb, with his eyes on a sheet of foolscap 
 paper, noticed that the room relaxed its attention ; 
 the gloomy man had his watch out, and was clearly 
 preparing to shout at the appropriate moment, "Time, 
 time ! " Spanswick halted and went over one sentence 
 twice, word for word. Then he stopped altogether, 
 and the silent room saw him endeavour to recall his 
 fleeting memory, saw him take from the inside pocket 
 of his coat the entire speech and laboriously find the 
 place. 
 
 " Beg pardon," cried the gloomy man, starting up, 
 " but is a member entitled to read his speech ? " 
 
 Spanswick, with now and again an anxious glance 
 at Erb, read the remainder in an undertone. There 
 was but little cheering when he finished; he was 
 called up again because he had forgotten to move 
 the resolution. Four men competed for the honour 
 of seconding this. 
 
 " Now then !" said the chairman, with relish, "let's 
 go on in a orderly manner. First thing is, any amend- 
 ment? No amendment? Vurry well, then. Now, 
 is there any further remarks? The subject hasn't 
 been, if I may^ say so, thor'ly threshed out yet, and 
 
ERB 85 
 
 if Thank you ! Friend Barnes will now address 
 
 the meeting." 
 
 Erb rose with the slight nervousness that he always 
 felt in commencing a speech. They were there, he 
 said, to inaugurate a great work, a work to which 
 some of them had given a considerable amount of 
 care, and the scheme was so far advanced that he 
 thought he could place a few details before them for 
 consideration. There had been the grave question 
 whether they should join the general society of 
 London carmen, or whether they should form an 
 independent society of their own, 
 
 " On a point of order, sir," began the gloomy 
 man. 
 
 " If there is one man," said Erb, raising his voice, 
 "in this room who is absolutely ignorant of order 
 it is our Great Eastern friend at the other end of the 
 room. A yelping little terrier that runs after a van 
 doesn't make the van go faster." 
 
 The room, now crowded with uniformed men, 
 especially near the doorway, approved this, and 
 the Great Eastern man first looked round for 
 support from his own colleagues, and, obtaining 
 none, began to take desperate notes as Erb went 
 on. 
 
 "I mustn't waste time over a man who can only 
 interrupt: I address myself to you. First, let me 
 put my friend Spanswick right on a small detail. He 
 
86 ERB 
 
 urged that we should work quietly and secretly" — 
 (cheers from Spanswick's supporters) — " I disagree, 
 I think that all we do should be fair and above- 
 board, and I say this because if you combine, and 
 let the railway companies see that you are combining, 
 you will be treated with greater respect. See what's 
 happened in the case of my own late fellow-carmen ! 
 It's true I was sacrificed, but let that pass ; see what 
 advantages they got, just for the asking. They 
 got " 
 
 Payne's watch must have been suddenly affected, 
 for he allowed Erb to speak for more than the period 
 of ten minutes ; no one complained ; they were all 
 too much interested. When Erb, in a fiery perora- 
 tion, appealed to them to extend the recent action 
 and make it general, with a strong reference to 
 individualism, which they did not understand, and 
 about which Erb himself was not quite sure, then 
 the supporters of Spanswick forgot their reticence 
 and cheered with the rest. 
 
 "And I trust," added Erb modestly and finally, 
 " that I 'aven't took up too much of your time." 
 
 The resolution was carried, 
 
 " Now," said the Chair, " if any of you thought of 
 standing me a drink, or even of 'aving one yourself, 
 p'r'aps you'll seize the opportunity whilst the waiters 
 are in the room, and then we can shut them out whilst 
 we go on to the next business." 
 
ERB 87 
 
 "Erb!" cried Spanswick along the table, "what's 
 yours ? " 
 
 It was felt that this was a great piece of strategy 
 on Spanswick's part, and Erb's refusal counted nothing 
 for righteousness ; one or two of Erb's supporters 
 shook their heads doubtfully. The waiters brought 
 in japanned trays of glasses, carrying change every- 
 where, in their pockets, in their tweed caps, in a knot 
 in their handkerchiefs, in their mouths. They com- 
 pleted their work in a few minutes and went, obey- 
 ing leisurely the chairman's imperious wave of the 
 hammer. 
 
 "We come now," said Payne loudly, "to what I 
 venture to term the principal item on the agender. 
 That is, the appointment of seceretary;" Both Erb and 
 Spanswick showed signs of astonishment. " There's 
 no less than two suggestions that have been 'anded 
 up : one is that we should 'ave a honery seceretary, 
 which I may. explain for the benefit of some, means 
 one who will perform his services in a honery way ; 
 the other is that we should 'ave a paid seceretary, 
 which means that we should have to plank down 
 about a 'undred a year, otherwise, two quid a week, 
 and that'd cover his slight travelling expenses. 
 There's a good deal," added the Chair impartially, 
 "to be said on both sides, and, at this stage of the 
 proceedings, I don't attempt to dictate. This room's 
 
88 ERB 
 
 a bit warmish, and if you don't mind me taking off 
 my coat, why I'll take that liberty." 
 
 The men around the table imitated example, and, 
 hanging their jackets on the backs of the chairs, 
 addressed themselves to the new subject. 
 
 " What ? " said the Chair. " You woke up again ? " 
 
 " I should like to ask," repeated the gloomy Great 
 Eastern man, ignoring this remark, " whether there's 
 any sense in paying a 'undred pounds a year for a 
 article that we can get for nothing? That's all I 
 want to know." 
 
 " Argue the point, my good sir," urged the Chair ; 
 "argue it in a speech." 
 
 " I've said my say," retorted the other stubbornly. 
 
 "If it was the self-same article," said the Chair, 
 shaking his hammer towards the Great Eastern man, 
 " then I should be with you. But is it ? " The 
 shirt sleeves rested on the tables; the men began 
 to show renewed interest. 
 
 " I asked a plain question, I want a plain answer ! " 
 
 "Oh!" said the Chair disgustedly, "you go to — 
 well, I won't say where. You've got no more idea of 
 conducting a meeting than this 'ammer. Why don't 
 someone prepose a resolution ? " 
 
 "Beg propose," said a young man desperately, 
 " my friend Spanswick honery sec'tary new society." 
 
 " Beg second that," jerked another youth. 
 
 " In view of the fact," said a South Eastern man. 
 
ERB 89 
 
 half rising, " that if you want a thing done well you 
 must pay for it, I think we ought to 'ave a man who'll 
 devote his whole energies to the work. Therefore, I 
 beg to suggest Erb Barnes as — as " 
 
 " Organisin' secretary ! " whispered a neighbour. 
 
 " I second that vote — mean to say, resolution." 
 
 "Any other names?" asked the Chair. "Very 
 good then ! Now, I shall ask these two chaps to 
 kindly retire, in other words, to leave the room, so as 
 to leave us free to discuss." 
 
 "Point of order occurs to me," interrupted the 
 gloomy Great Eastern man acutely. " Can they leave 
 the room ? " 
 
 The room watched Erb and Spanswick as the two 
 made their way behind the chairs to the doorway. 
 Erb opened the door, and motioned to Spanswick to 
 go first, but Spanswick, not to be outdone in polite- 
 ness, declined absolutely, insisting that Erb should 
 take precedence, and when they decided to stop the 
 display of courtesy, both blundered out at the same 
 moment. As they closed the door behind them they 
 heard several voices addressing the Chair. 
 
 " Ever gone in for scarlet runners ? " asked Spans- 
 wick. " I've only got a little bit of a garden, but 
 I suppose there isn't another man in Rotherhithe that 
 grows the scarlet runners I do; people come from 
 far and near to see 'em. There's a good deal of art, 
 mind you, in the stickin' of 'em. Sunflowers, too 
 
90 ERB 
 
 I've had tremendous luck with my sunflowers. I 
 believe I could grow most anything in my little back 
 place if it wasn't for the cats. Vurry good plan of 
 dealin' with cats is this ! " 
 
 Erb allowed his rival to make conversation whilst 
 he himself considered the importance of these 
 moments that were passing. He looked hard at a 
 picture on the walls of the landing, a picture repre- 
 senting a cheerful Swiss valley and advertising 
 Somebody's Ginger Beer ; the villagers held goblets 
 containing (presumably) this beverage, and toasted 
 the snow-topped mountains at the back. He forced 
 himself tp recognise that his chances were small ; 
 unless he had made a particularly good impression 
 by his speech he had no chance at all ; he would 
 have to commence to-morrow morning a round of 
 calls on master carmen and on contracting firms, 
 with the obsequious inquiry, "You don't 'appen to 
 want a hand, I s'pose?" and receiving the negative 
 reply. He had obtained a clean character from the 
 Railway Company, and the Chief had wished him 
 good-luck, but the information that he was a stir- 
 about would fly round in advance of him, and all 
 the best places would be on the defensive ; it might 
 come to driving a cheap coal van, otherwise known 
 as working in the slate business. There was an 
 alternative even less agreeable to think of. He knew 
 one or two men who had just missed being leaders 
 
ERB 91 
 
 of labour, and these occasionally opened debates at 
 clubs, and were paid fairly liberal expenses, some- 
 times approached by the capitalists to stump through 
 London in an endeavour to lash working men into 
 a state of indignation in regard to Foreign Competi- 
 tion, Sugar Bounties, or the tyranny of Trades 
 Unions, or some other subject for which the 
 capitalists had affection : these men at times 
 coalesced and, urged by a common jealousy, de- 
 nounced some prominent men of their own party, 
 and found their names mentioned in the opposition 
 journals, the reporters of which bribed them in order 
 to obtain exclusive information of semi-public meet- 
 ings. , Erb told the Swiss valley that it would be 
 long ere he came down to that. 
 
 "You take a spade," exclaimed his companion, 
 "an ornery spade will do, and you dig it in the 
 garden like so, and what do you iind ? Why you 
 find " 
 
 Young Louisa would be disappointed, too. Louisa 
 had been less successful since the servants' dance 
 at Eaton Square in cloaking her admiration for her 
 brother, and the last young man had been dismissed 
 with ignominy because he showed hesitation in 
 sacrificing his own views on political subjects and 
 accepting those held by Erb. If he had not already 
 passed from the memory of Lady Frances, she might 
 perhaps inquire of Alice the result of the meeting, 
 
92 ERB 
 
 and, hearing it, would smile agreeably and push him 
 away from her thoughts. To be shown through 
 Bermondsey by an official in the labour world would 
 be one thing ; to be conducted by a grimy-faced car- 
 man was another. And there was Rosalind — Rosa- 
 lind — what was her other name ? 
 
 " Now, in regard to meenure," said Spanswick dog- 
 matically, " the long and short of the matter is 
 simply this." 
 
 He had found in Southampton Street, Camberwell, 
 the previous day (being on the Surrey-side round), a 
 painted board on a house announcing here, " Elocu- 
 tion and Public Speaking Taught ! Pupils prepared 
 for the Dramatic Stage ! Apply within to Professor 
 Danks ! " and it had then occurred to him that this 
 was the address given him by the footman in Eaton 
 Square. The front garden was filled with monu- 
 mental statues, belonging to an undertaker next 
 door, and engraved with names and dates, tomb- 
 stones which for some inexplicable reason had not 
 been used. He had gone up the uneven pavement 
 from the front gate to the door and had knocked 
 there, but the door being opened by the lame 
 girl, plainly and economically dressed, and with 
 a suggestion of care near to her bright eyes, he had 
 muttered " Beg pardon. Wrong number ! " and had 
 stumbled back to the gate, hot-faced with confusion. 
 He knew that his powers of speech lacked refine- 
 
ERB 93 
 
 ment : he might perhaps learn how to aspirate with- 
 out the show of pain and anxiety that he exhibited 
 now when he endeavoured to observe the trying rule. 
 The bright-eyed girl, he remembered, had stood at 
 the doorway looking after him rather reproachfully. 
 
 " Of course," said the injured voice of Spanswick, 
 " if it's too much trouble for you to listen, why it 
 isn't any use me talking." 
 
 " Sorry," he said absently. " Fact is, I don't take 
 very much interest in gardening.'' 
 
 " I was talking about poultry." 
 
 " They both come under the same head," remarked 
 Erb. 
 
 " I suppose, as a matter of fact, you're pretty keen 
 on this 'ere job ? " 
 
 " They're a long time deciding," said Erb. 
 
 " I've been expectin'," Spanswick made circles on 
 the landing with his right foot in a hesitating way. 
 " I've been expectin' that you'd approach me and 
 ask me to withdraw from the contest." 
 
 " What'd be the use of that ? " 
 
 " Well," said Spanswick in a mysterious whisper, 
 " you know what Shakespeare says ? " 
 
 « He said a lot." 
 
 "You're a mere kid in these matters," remarked 
 the other contemptuously, walking away to the other 
 end of the landing. " Haven't you never 'eard of 
 buying off the opposition? In the present case. 
 
94 ERB 
 
 suppose you was to say, ' Spanny, old man, is twen'y- 
 five bob any use to you?' and I should answer, 
 'Well, I could do with it,' and you paid the money 
 over 'ere. And I said, ' Well now, come to think of 
 it, what's the good of this job to me ? I shan't make 
 nothing out of it, unless it is a silver teapot for the 
 missus ; I'll withdraw my nomination and leave you 
 a clear field.' See ? " 
 
 "Upon my word," exclaimed Erb indignantly, 
 " upon my word if you ain't the biggest— — " 
 
 " Mind you," interrupted the .other, " I was only 
 putting a suppositious case." The door of the club- 
 room opened, and a voice said importantly, " Spans- 
 wick and Barnes, this way, please." They turned to 
 obey. "There y'are," said Spanswick reproachfully, 
 " you've left it too late." 
 
 Looking over the banisters, Erb saw that women- 
 folk had arrived, charged with the double duty of 
 listening to the coming concert and of conveying 
 their male relatives home at a reasonable hour. 
 Louisa's white young face glanced up at him with a 
 twitch, and asked anxiously whether it was all over ; 
 Erb replied that, on the contrary, it was just about 
 to begin. 
 
 " Kindly take your former seats," said the chairman 
 importantly. The chattering room became quiet as 
 the two men entered, and Payne rapped with his 
 hammer for silence. " The voting has come out," he 
 
ERE 95 
 
 went on, looking at some figures on the sheet of 
 foolscap before him, "the voting has come out 
 29 on one side and 14 on the other." 
 
 The rattle of conversation recommenced. 
 
 "Less noise there, less noise!" cried the Chair 
 urgently. " I can't 'ear meself talk." 
 
 "Wish we couldn't," remarked the Great Eastern 
 man from his end of the table. 
 
 " Be careful, my friend," said the Chair warningly. 
 " Be careful, or else I shall rule you out of order. I 
 have the pleasure now of calling on my friend Erb 
 Barnes." The room cheered. "Order, please, for 
 Erb Barnes." 
 
 " What have I got to talk about ? " demanded Erb. 
 
 "Talk about?" echoed the Chair. "Talk about? 
 Why, you've got to acknowledge in a few appro- 
 priate words your appointment as paid organisin' 
 secretary of the Railway Carmen's Society." 
 
CHAPTER V 
 
 ERB entered upon his duties with appetite. The 
 single office of the new society was a spare 
 room over a coffee-tavern in Grange Road, and the 
 first disbursement was for the painting on the window 
 in bold white letters the full title of the society, 
 with the added words, " Herbert Barnes, Secretary." 
 (Young Louisa went five minutes out of her way, 
 morning and evening, in order to see this proclama- 
 tion of her brother's name.) To the office came Erb 
 promptly every morning at an hour when attendants 
 at the coffee-rooms were on their knees scrubbing, 
 chairs set high on tables, and forms on end against 
 the walls, and the young women were a good deal 
 annoyed by the fact that Erb, in these circumstances, 
 bestowed on them none of the chaff and badinage 
 which were as necessary to their existence as the 
 very air. When he had gone through the post letters 
 — the more there were of these the more contented 
 he was — and had answered them on postcards, he 
 went out, fixing a notice on the door, " Back Shortly. 
 Any messages leave at Bar," and hurried to some 
 
 96 
 
ERB 97 
 
 point where railway carmen were likely to congregate, 
 harrying non-members into becoming members, pass- 
 ing the word round in regard to public meetings, 
 hunting for grievances, and listening always, even 
 when some, with erroneous ideas of his duties, re- 
 quested advice in regard to domestic trouble with 
 lodgers, or insubordination on the part of babes. All 
 this meant visits to Paddington, to Willesden, to 
 Dalston, to Poplar, to Nine Elms : it gave to him a 
 fine sensation of ruling London, and, in some way, 
 the thought that he was repairing errors made at the 
 creation of the world. He came in contact with the 
 white-haired Labour member of Parliament, and 
 watched his manner closely; the Labour member 
 invited Erb one evening to the House of Commons, 
 and Erb found the Labour member had for the 
 House a style differing from that which he used in 
 other places, measuring words with care, speaking 
 with deliberation, and avoiding all the colloquialisms, 
 the jagged sentences that made him popular when he 
 addressed outdoor meetings. And as all young men 
 starting the journey through life model themselves 
 on someone who has arrived, Erb determined to 
 acquire this admirable alternative manner. 
 
 Thus it was that one Thursday evening he took 
 courage by the hand, and went Camberwell way to 
 call again at the house where on his previous visit he 
 had made undignified departure because of a pair of 
 
98 ERB 
 
 rather bright eyes. He thought of her with some 
 nervousness as he went down Camberwell New Road, 
 and, putting aside for a moment the serious matters, 
 gave himself the joy of reviewing his female acquaint- 
 ances. He had just come to the sage decision that 
 different women exacted entirely different tributes, 
 some demanding reverence, others admiration, and 
 others something more fervent, when he found himself 
 at the gate and the uneven path between the monu- 
 mental statuary that led to the door of Professor 
 Danks's house. The street was one affecting to make a 
 short cut to Queen's Road, Peckham, but it did not 
 really make a short cut ; within its crescent form it in- 
 cluded new model dwellings of a violent red, elderly 
 houses with verandahs, a Liberal Club, and a chapel. 
 A part of the road had undergone the process of being 
 shopped, which is to say, that the long front gardens 
 had been utilised, and anxious, empty, unsuccessful 
 young establishments came out to the pavement, 
 expending all their profits on gas, and making deter- 
 mined efforts either by placard or minatory signs to 
 persuade the passers-by that business was enormous, 
 that it was with difficulty customers could be checked 
 in their fierce desire to patronise. One had started 
 with the proud boast, " Everything at Sixpence-half- 
 penny," had later altered the six to five, and the five 
 to four; only necessary to allow time, and there 
 seemed good prospect that the reckless shop would 
 
ERB 99 
 
 eventually give its contents free. Erb pulled at the 
 bell-handle, and it came out obligingly. 
 
 " Now you 'ave gone and done it," said the small 
 servant who opened the door. " That's clever, that is. 
 I suppose you get medals for doing tricks like that ? 
 Well, well," she continued fractiously, as Erb made 
 no reply, " don't stand there like a great gawk with 
 the knob in your 'and. What d'you want ? " 
 
 " Might Professor Banks be in ? " asked Erb. 
 
 " He might and he might not," explained the small 
 servant. " He's jest sleepin' it off a bit on the sofa." 
 
 " Can I see anyone else ? " 
 
 " Come in," said the girl with a burst of friendliness. 
 " Never mind about wipin' your boots ; it's getting to 
 the end of the week. You could see her if you didn't 
 mind waiting till she's finished giving a lesson." 
 
 " Shall I wait here in the passage ? " 
 
 " Don't disturb him," whispered the girl, " if I let 
 you rest your weary bones in the back room." She 
 opened the door of the back room quietly. "SMs as 
 right as rain," whispered the girl confidentially, " but 
 
 he " The girl gave an expressive wave of the 
 
 hand, signifying that the Professor was not indispen- 
 sable to the world's happiness. Erb went in. " I'd 
 stay and chat to you," she said through the doorway, 
 "only there's my ironin'. I've got the 'ole 'ouse to 
 look after, mind you, besides answering the front 
 door.'' 
 
lOo ERB 
 
 " Takes a bit of doing, no doubt." 
 
 " You never said a truer word," whispered the short 
 servant. " If you want me, 'oiler ' Lizer ! ' over the 
 banisters." 
 
 Professor Danks, asleep on the sofa, had the Era 
 over his face for better detachment from a wakeful 
 world : the paper was slipping gradually, and Erb, 
 watching him over the top of the book, knew that 
 the eclipse would be over and the features fully 
 visible in a few minutes. Meanwhile he noticed that 
 the Professor was a large, heavy man, with snowy 
 hair at one end, and slippers which had walked along 
 muddy pavements at the other; not a man, apparently, 
 of active habits. 
 
 " I fear I shall never make anything of you." Her 
 decided voice came from the front room. " You don't 
 pay attention. You don't seem to remember what 
 I tell you." 
 
 "Mustn't be too harsh with my husband, miss," 
 said a voice with the South London whine, 
 "We all have to make a beginning, don't forget 
 that." 
 
 "Now, sir! Once more, please, we'll go through 
 this piece of poetry. And when you say the first 
 lines, 'Give others the flags of foreign states,' show 
 some animation; don't say the words casually, as 
 though you were talking of the weather." 
 
 "You understand, miss," interposed the pupil's 
 
ERB loi 
 
 wife, " that he's made up the words out of his own 
 head." 
 
 " I am sure of that ! " 
 
 "But whilst he's very clever in putting poetry 
 together, he is not so good — I'm speaking, Albert 
 dear, for your own benefit — he is not so good in 
 reciting of them. And we go out into Society a 
 great deal (there's two parties on at New Cross only 
 next month that we're asked to), and what I thought 
 was that it would be so nice any time when an even- 
 ing began to go a bit slow for me to say casually, you 
 know, 'Albert, what about that piece you made up 
 yourself?' Then for him to get up and recite it in 
 a gentlemanly way." 
 
 " Come now," said the instructress. " ' Give others 
 the flags of foreign states, I care not for them 
 a jot.' " 
 
 " Of course," interposed the wife again, " his high- 
 pitched voice is against him, but that's his misfortune, 
 not his fault. Also you may think that he's left it 
 rather late to take up with elocution. If we'd ever 
 had any children of our own " 
 
 " I really think," said the girl, " we must get on 
 with the lesson. Now, sir, if you please. 'Give 
 others the flags.'" 
 
 The Era had slipped from the Professor's red face, 
 and the swollen, poached-egg eyes moved ; the heavy 
 eyelids made one or two reluctant efforts to unclose. 
 
I02 ERE 
 
 The room, Erb thought, looked as though it were 
 troubled by opposing forces, one anxious to keep it 
 neat and keep it comfortable, the other with entirely 
 different views, and baulking these efforts with some 
 success. Erb saw the household clearly, and felt a 
 desire to range himself on the side of order. 
 
 " Good evening," he said, when the leaden eyelids 
 had decided to open. " Having your little nap, 
 sir.?" 
 
 The Professor sat up, kneading his eyes and then 
 rubbing his white hair violently, 
 
 " 1 have been," he said, in a voice that would have 
 sounded important if it had not been hoarse, " making 
 a brief excursion into the land of dreams." He 
 clicked his tongue. "And a devil of a mouth I've 
 got on me, too." He rose heavily and went to a 
 bamboo-table where two syphons were standing, tried 
 them, and found they were empty. " A curse," he said, 
 " on both your houses." 
 
 " I've called about some lessons." 
 
 " Lessons ! " repeated the Professor moodily. " That 
 I, Reginald Danks, should be reduced to this ! I, who 
 might have been at the Lyceum at the present moment 
 but for fate and Irving. How many lessons," he asked 
 with a change of manner, " do you require, laddie ? " 
 
 " I thought about six," said Erb. 
 
 " Make it a dozen. We offer thirteen for the price 
 of twelve." 
 
ERB 103 
 
 "What would that number run me into? I want 
 them more for public speaking than anything else." 
 
 "We shall do the whole bag of tricks for you," 
 said the Professor, placing an enormous hand on 
 Erb's shoulder, "for a mere trifle." 
 
 "Who is 'we'.'" 
 
 " Rather should you say, ' To whom is it that you 
 refer ? ' In this self-appointed task of im-parting the 
 principles of voice pro-duction and elocution to the — 
 to the masses," the Professor seemed to restrain him- 
 self forcibly from using a contumelious adjective, " I 
 have the advantage of valuable assistance from me 
 daughter. Her system is my system, her methods 
 are my methods, her rules are my rules. If at any 
 time I should be called away on professional business," 
 here the Professor passed his hand over his lips, " my 
 daughter, Rosalind, takes my place. Your age ? " 
 
 Erb gave the information. 
 
 " Ah," the Professor sighed deeply, " in '74 I was 
 with Barry Sullivan doing the principal towns in a 
 repertoire. No, I'm telling you a lie. It was not 
 in '74. It was in the autumn of '73. I played Rosen- 
 crantz and the First Gravedigger — an enormous 
 success." 
 
 "Which?" 
 
 " I went from Barry Sullivan to join the ' Murder- 
 ous Moment' Company, and that," said the Professor, 
 striking his waistcoat, "was perhaps one of the 
 
I04 ERB 
 
 biggest triumphs ever witnessed on the dramatic 
 stage. From that hour, sir, from that hour I never 
 looked back." 
 
 The high-voiced pupil in the front room finished 
 his lesson, and his wife took him off with the con- 
 gratulatory remark that he promised well to make 
 her relatives at forthcoming parties sit up with 
 astonishment. The Professor's daughter, seeing them 
 both to the front door, remarked that her pupil would 
 be able to find his way alone the next time, where- 
 upon the pupil's wife answered darkly, "Do you 
 really think I should let him go out alone ? " 
 
 " Do I settle with you ? " asked Erb. 
 
 "My daughter Rosalind," said the Professor regret- 
 fully, " insists, as a general rule, on taking charge of 
 the business side, but on this occasion " 
 
 " If that's the rule," interrupted Erb, " don't let's 
 break it. I don't want any misunderstanding about 
 matters of cash." 
 
 "There have been times in my life, sir, when 
 money has been as nothing to me. Will you believe 
 that there was a time in my professional career when 
 I earnt twenty guineas — twenty of the best — per 
 week?" 
 
 " Since you ask me, my answer is ' No.' " 
 
 " You are quite right," said the Professor, and in 
 no way disconcerted. " Let us be exact in our state- 
 ments or perish. Not twenty guineas, twenty pounds. 
 
ERB 105 
 
 But that," he went on rather hurriedly, "that was 
 at a time when real acting, sir, was appreciated. 
 Nowadays they walk in from the streets. Ee-Iocution 
 is a lost art ; acting, real acting, is not to be seen on 
 the London boards. If you have a cigarette about 
 you, I can get a light from the fireplace." 
 
 Erb acted upon this hint, and listened for the girl's 
 voice. 
 
 " Her mother," went on the Professor, puffing at 
 the cigarette, and then looking at it disparagingly, 
 " her mother before she fell ill — mind, I'm not com- 
 plaining — was perhaps, without exception, the most 
 diversified arteest that ever graced the dramatic 
 stage. Ingenue, old woman, soubrette, nothing came 
 amiss to her. That was the difference between us — 
 she liked work. And when I'd been out of engage- 
 ment for some time, and she had an offer for the 
 pair of us, two pounds ten the couple, such was 
 her indomitable spirit that she actually wanted to 
 accept it. But I said ' No ! ' I put my foot down. 
 I admit," said the Professor genially, "I lost my 
 temper with her. I told her that poverty I could 
 face, dee-privation I could endure, hunger and thirst 
 I could welcome with o-pen arms, but a contemptu- 
 ous proposition such as this I could not, should not, 
 and would not tolerate. I repeated this," added the 
 Professor with a fine roll and a sweep of the left 
 hand, " at the inquest." 
 
io6 ERB 
 
 "You're a nice one, I don't think," said Erb 
 critically. " How is it they let you live on ? " 
 
 " Laddie," said the Professor tearfully, " my life is 
 not an enviable one even now. My own daughter — 
 Soft ! — she comes." 
 
 It occurred to Erb later that in his anxiety to be 
 a careless, self-possessed fellow, he rather overdid it, 
 presenting himself in the light of one slightly de- 
 mented. He nodded his head on formal introduction 
 by the Professor, hummed a cheerful air, and, taking 
 out a packet of cigarette papers, blew at one, and 
 recollecting, twisted the detached slip into a butterfly 
 shape and puffed it to the ceiling. The girl looked 
 at him, at her father, then again at Erb. She had 
 a pencil resting between the buttons of her pink 
 blouse, and but for a slight contraction of the fore- 
 head that is the public sign of private worry, 
 would have been a very happy-looking young person 
 indeed". 
 
 "A would-be student," said her father with a proud 
 wave of the hand towards Erb, as though he had 
 just made him, "a would-be student, my love: one 
 anxious to gain at our hands the principles of voice 
 pro-duction and ee-locution," 
 
 " When do you propose to begin, sir ? " she asked, 
 limping slightly as she went to a desk. 
 
 " Soon as your father's ready, miss." 
 
 " I have heard you speak in the park," 
 
ERB 107 
 
 "Most people have!" replied Erb, with a fine 
 assumption of indifference. 
 
 " I'll register your name, please." 
 
 "Our sys-tem," said the Professor oracularly, as 
 Erb bent over her and gave the information (there 
 was a pleasant warm scent from her hair), "is to 
 conduct everything in a perfectly business-like 
 manner. I remember on one occasion Mr. Phelps 
 said to me, ' Danks, my dear young friend, never, 
 
 never ' My dear Rosalind, give me the word. 
 
 What was it," the Professor tapped his large fore- 
 head reprovingly, " what was it I was talking about ? " 
 
 " I don't think it matters, father. You pay in 
 advance, please," she said to Erb. "Thank you. 
 I'm not sure that I have sufficient change in the 
 house." 
 
 " I will step down the road," suggested the Pro- 
 fessor with a slight excess of eagerness, " and obtain 
 the necessary coins." 
 
 " No, father." 
 
 " Think I've got just enough silver," said Erb. 
 
 " Thank you, Mr. Barnes." 
 
 Good to be called Mister, better still to find it 
 accompanied by a smile of gratitude that also inti- 
 mated comradeship and a defensive alliance against 
 the ingenious Professor. The -Professor, affecting to 
 examine a pimple on his chin at the mirror, looked 
 at his daughter's reflection in an appealing way ; but 
 
io8 ERB 
 
 she shook her head quickly. The Professor sighed 
 and, turning back the cufifs of his shirt, put on an 
 elderly velvet jacket. 
 
 " I have some work to do downstairs," she said, 
 with a curt little bow to Erb. "You will excuse me." 
 
 " Only too pleased, miss," he said blunderingly. 
 
 " Father, you will give Mr. Barnes an hour, please, 
 in the front room, I will come up when the time 
 is over." 
 
 "Then I needn't say good-bye," remarked Erb 
 gallantly. 
 
 The Professor in the front room declaimed to the 
 new pupil a passage from the Merchant of Venice, 
 from the centre of the carpet, and invited him 
 to repeat it, which Erb did, the Professor arrest- 
 ing him at every line, correcting the accent with 
 acerbity, and calling attention to the aspirates with 
 something like tears. " Why don't you speak nartur- 
 ally, sir?" demanded the Professor, hitting his own 
 chest with his fist, "as I dew?" At the end of 
 twenty minutes, when the Professor had furnished 
 some really valuable rules in regard to the artifices 
 of voice production, he gave a sudden dramatic start, 
 and begged Erb for pity's sake not to tell him that 
 the day was Thursday and the hour half-past seven. 
 On Erb admitting his inability to give other in- 
 formation without stepping beyond the confines of 
 truth, the Professor strode up and down the worn 
 
ERB 109 
 
 carpet in a state of great agitation, declaring that 
 unless he were in the Strand by eight-fifteen, or, at 
 the very latest, eight-twenty that evening, he would 
 in all probability lose the chance of a lifetime. 
 
 " What am I to do ? " he asks imploringly. " I 
 appeal to you, laddie? Show me where duty calls?" 
 
 On Erb suggesting that perhaps Miss Rosalind 
 would finish the lesson, the Professor shook him 
 warmly by both hands and ordered heaven in a 
 dictatorial way to rain down blessings on the head of 
 his pupil. One difficulty remained. Time pressed 
 and every moment was (in all probability) golden. 
 Could Mr, Barnes, as an old friend, oblige with half 
 a — no, not half a crown, two shillings. The Pro- 
 fessor, in the goodness of his heart, did not mind 
 four sixpences, and hurrying out into the passage, 
 struggled into a long brown overcoat of the old 
 Newmarket shape, took his soft hat, and having 
 called over the banisters to his daughter to favour 
 him with a moment's conversation, bustled through 
 the passage whispering to Erb, " You can explain 
 better than I," and going out, closed the door quietly. 
 There were signs of flour on the girl's plump arms 
 as she came up; she rolled down the sleeves of the 
 pink blouse as she entered the front room. Her 
 forehead contracted as she listened. 
 
 " How much did he borrow ? " she asked, checking 
 a sigh. 
 
no ERB 
 
 " Nothing," replied Erb boldly. 
 
 " Two shillings or half a crown ? " 
 
 " I couldn't possibly think for a moment " he 
 
 began protestingly. 
 
 " I wish you had," she said. " Tate it, please. I 
 don't want father to run into debt if I can help it." 
 
 " Makes me feel as though I'm robbing you." 
 
 " Do you know," said Miss Rosalind, with not 
 quite half a smile, " it makes me feel as though I 
 were being robbed. Let us get on with the lesson, 
 please ; I have another pupil coming at half-past 
 eight."- Erb, for a hot moment, was consumed with 
 unreasonable jealousy of the next pupil. "She is 
 always punctual," added Rosalind, and Erb became 
 cooler. " Take this book, please, and read aloud the 
 passage I have marked." 
 
 There were faded photographs on the mantelpiece 
 of ladies with exuberant smiles, calculated to dis- 
 arm any criticism in regard to eccentric attire, their 
 signatures sprawled across the lower right-hand 
 corner, " Ever yours most affectionate ! " A frame 
 that had seen stormy days outside provincial theatres 
 hung on the wall with the address of its last exhi- 
 bition half rubbed off. Erb, as he listened to the 
 girl's serious corrections and warning, guessed that 
 the half-dozen portraits it contained were all of 
 Rosalind's mother ; they ranged from one as Robin- 
 son Crusoe with a white muff to a more matronly 
 
ERB III 
 
 representation of (judging from her hat) a designing 
 Frenchwoman holding a revolver in one hand, and 
 clqarly prepared to use this. In another she was 
 fondling a child, whose head and face were almost 
 covered by a stage wig, and the child bore some 
 far-away resemblance to the present instructress. On 
 Rosalind limping across the room to place on the 
 fire an economical lump of coal, Erb framed an 
 expression of sympathy ; common-sense most for- 
 tunately gagged him. 
 
 "You left school when you were very young?" 
 said the girl, looking over her shoulder from the 
 fireplace. 
 
 " Pawsed the sixth standard when I was " 
 
 " Oh, please, please ! " 
 
 " I passed the sixth standard when I was twelve, 
 because I had to. Father was Kentish born, mother 
 wasn't. Both died in the " — Rosalind put her hands 
 apprehensively to her ears — " in the hospital in one 
 week, both in one week, and I had to set to and get 
 shot of the Board School and go out." 
 
 " As ? " she asked curiously. 
 
 "As chief of the Transport Department to the 
 principal railway companies," said Erb glibly, " and 
 personal friend and, I may say, adviser to the royal 
 family." 
 
 " We will proceed," said Rosalind, haughty on the 
 receipt of sarcasm, '" with the lesson, please. There 
 
112 ERB 
 
 is much to be done in the way of eradicating errors 
 in your speech." 
 
 The reliable lady pupil due at eight-thirty spoilt 
 her record by arriving half an hour late. Thus, when 
 Erb's lesson was finished and the clock on the mantel- 
 piece gave the hour in a hurried asthmatic way, there 
 was still time for polite conversation on a variety of 
 topics; the house, Erb discovered, was not theirs, 
 they only occupied furnished apartments; they had 
 lived in many parts of London, because, said Rosalind 
 cautiously, the Professor liked a change now and 
 again. Erb backed slowly towards the door as each 
 subject was discussed, anxious to stay as long as 
 possible, but more anxious still to make his exit with 
 some clever, impressive, final remark. He found her 
 book of notices, and insisted politely on reading the 
 neatly pasted slips cut from the Hornsey Express, the 
 South London Journal, the Paddington Magpie, and 
 other newspapers of repute, which said " Miss Rosa- 
 lind Danks in her recitals made the hit of the evening, 
 and the same may be said of all the other artists on 
 the programme." That " Miss R. Danks, as our 
 advertisement column shows, is to give An Evening 
 with the Poets and Humorists at our Town Hall on 
 Thursday evening. We wish her a bumper." That 
 " Miss Rosalind Danks's wa^W^/ of manner and general 
 chic enabled her in an American contribution to score 
 a terrific ' succis d'estime.' She narrowly escaped an 
 
ERB 113 
 
 enthusiastic encore." That " Miss Danks lacks some 
 of the charms necessary for a good platform appear- 
 
 ance 
 
 " I'd like to argue the point with the man who 
 wrote that," said Erb. 
 
 " ' For a good platform appearance, but she has a 
 remarkably distinct enunciation, and some of her lines 
 could be heard almost distinctly at the back of the hall." 
 That " Miss Danks comes of a theatrical stock, and her 
 father is none other than the celebrated Mr. Reginald 
 Danks, whose Antonio still remains in the memory of 
 the few privileged to witness it. Mr. Reginald Danks 
 informs us that he has had several offers from West 
 End theatres, but he has some idea of going in for 
 management himself as soon as a convenient play- 
 house can be secured. Of this, more anon.' " 
 
 It was natural when Erb had looked through these 
 notices that he should find in his pocket two or three 
 copies of a small poster advertising a lecture by him 
 an the forthcoming Sunday evening, at a hall in 
 Walworth Road. " Mr. Herbert Barnes," said the 
 poster loudly, adding in a lower voice, " Organising 
 Secretary Railway Carmen's Union, will speak on 
 ' The Working Man : What Will Become of Him ? ' 
 No collection. Discussion invited." Erb gave Miss 
 Rosalind one of these as a present, and then said, 
 " Well, now, I must be ofT," as though he had been 
 detained greatly against his will. 
 I 
 
114 ERB 
 
 And here it was that Erb made one of those mis- 
 takes of commission which the most reliable of us 
 effect at uncertain intervals. He took up the photo- 
 graph of a fur-coated young man, clean-shaven face, 
 thin lips, and not quite enough of chin. 
 
 " And who," asked Erb pityingly, " who might this 
 young toff be ? " 
 
 " He is stage manager," she said rather proudly, 
 " to a company touring in the provinces. Acts too." 
 
 " Relation ? " 
 
 " Not yet," said Rosalind. 
 
 As Erb blundered through the passage Rosalind 
 warned him to attend to the home-work she had given 
 him to do, and to come promptly to his next lesson ; 
 she held the door open until Erb went out of the 
 gate, a new politeness which he acknowledged by 
 lifting his hat. He had never lifted his hat to a lady 
 before, and had always smiled contemptuously when 
 he had seen gallant youths performing this act of 
 respect. To atone for the retrograde movement he 
 ran against the tardily-arriving lady pupil, and went 
 on without apology; the lady pupil ejaculated, 
 " Clown ! " and Erb felt that he had righted himself 
 in his own estimation. 
 
 He looked about him as he walked up the crowded 
 pavement towards the Elephant and Castle, because 
 it was always one of his duties to recognise the 
 railway vans, Disappointment clouded his eyes : he 
 
ERB 115 
 
 blamed himself for so far forgetting the principal 
 duty of his life as to waste time on unremunerative 
 investments. This was why he missed the Brighton 
 goods van standing with its pair of horses near a 
 large shop in Newington Causeway ; the van boy 
 reported to his mate when he returned Erb's negli- 
 gence, which, coming on the top of other annoying 
 circumstances, made the Brighton man say, "This 
 shall be chalked up against you, young Erb." 
 
 Erb reached Page's Walk, having tried ineffectually 
 to walk himself into a good humour, and found 
 Louisa with a round spot of colour high up on either 
 cheek, looking out of the window of the model 
 dwellings and hailing him excitedly. 
 
 " Put that 'ead of yours in," he counselled. "You'll 
 go and catch cold." 
 
 " You won't catch much," retorted Louisa, " if you 
 don't arrange to be on 'and when wanted. 'Urry ! 
 I've got something to tell you that can't be bawled." 
 
 Erb ran up the stone stairs, and Louisa met him 
 at the door of the sitting-room, her eyes bigger than 
 ever with the importance. The room had a slight 
 perfume of violets. 
 
 " Who d'you think's been 'ere ? " 
 
 " Tell us," said Erb. 
 
 " But guess," begged Louisa, enjoying the power 
 that was hers. 
 
 " Can't guess." 
 
ii6 ERB 
 
 " Lady Frances," said Louisa, in an impressive 
 whisper. 
 
 " Well," remarked Erb curtly, " what of it ? " 
 
 " What of it ? Why, she wanted you to show her 
 over Bermondsey, and she waited here upwards of 
 a hower, chatting away to me like anything." 
 
 " Any other news ? " 
 
 " Yes," said Louisa reluctantly, " but nothing of 
 much importance. Letter from Aunt Emma; she's 
 coming up soon. Oh, and a man called to say there 
 was trouble brewin' at Wilier Walk, and would you 
 see about it as soon as possible." 
 
 " Now" remarked Erb elatedly, " now you're 
 talking." 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 THE particular trouble which Willow Walk was 
 occupied in brewing proved highly attractive 
 to Erb, and one that gave to all the men concerned 
 a taste of the joys that must have come in the French 
 Revolution. A few impetuous young spirits who 
 had been brooding on grievances since the days 
 when they were van boys were responsible, and. Erb 
 recognised that here was the first opportunity of 
 justifying his appointment. Warned, however, by 
 the example of other organisers within memory, 
 who had sometimes in similar experiments shown 
 a tendency to excess, he took care. He wrote letters 
 to the General Manager, letters for which he received 
 a printed form of acknowledgment and no other ; he 
 wrote to the Directors, and received a brief reply to 
 the effect that they could not recognise Mr. Herbert 
 Barnes in the matter, and that the grievances of the 
 staff concerned only the staff and themselves ; the 
 men were bitterly annoyed at this, but Erb, because 
 he had anticipated the reply, showed no concern. 
 He worked from dawn near to dawn again, sending 
 
 117 
 
ii8 ERB 
 
 letters to members of Parliament, going round to the 
 dep6ts of other railways, attending meetings, and in 
 many ways applying himself to the work of what he 
 called directing public opinion. In point of fact, 
 he had first to create it. For a good fortnight he 
 gave up everything to devote himself to this one 
 object, gave up everything but his lessons in Camber- 
 well. One of the halfpenny evening papers said, 
 " Mr. Herbert Barnes made an impassioned but 
 logical and excellently delivered speech " ; Erb knew 
 the deplorable-looking man with a silk hat of the 
 early seventies who had reported this, but that did 
 not prevent him from being highly gratified on seeing 
 the words in print ; Louisa spent eighteenpence on a 
 well-bound manuscript book, and in it commenced 
 to paste these notices. The point at issue being that 
 the men demanded better payment of overtime, Erb 
 found here a subject that lent itself to oratorical 
 argument ; the story of the man who was so seldom 
 at home that one Sunday his little girl asked the 
 other parent, " Mother, who's this strange man ? " 
 never failed to prove effective, and Erb felt justified 
 in leaving out the fact that the carman in question 
 was one accustomed, when his work finished at night, 
 to go straight from the stables to a house in Old 
 Kent Road, where he usually remained until the pot- 
 man cried, " Time ! gentlemen, time ! " 
 The men had sent in their ultimatum to the head 
 
ERB 119 
 
 office, and had held their last meeting. The Directors 
 had remained adamant on the question of receiving 
 Erb as spokesman, and the men, not having an orator 
 of equal power in their ranks, and fearful of being 
 worsted in a private interview, had insisted either 
 that Erb should accompany the deputation or that 
 there should be no deputation at all, but only a 
 strike on the following Monday morning. (The 
 advanced party protested against the idea of giving 
 this formal notice, but Erb insisted and the moderates 
 supported him. " If we can get what we want," 
 argued the moderates, "by showing a certain amount 
 of what you may call bluff, by all means let us stop 
 at that.") 
 
 It gave to Erb a fine sensation of power to find 
 that not one of these uniformed men was strong- 
 minded enough or sufficiently clear of intellect to 
 carry out any big scheme by himself; they could 
 only keep of one mind by holding on to each other, 
 and he felt that he himself was the one steady, 
 upright person who prevented all from slipping. He 
 not only kept them together, but he guided them. 
 A suggestion from him on some minor point 
 of detail, and they followed without hesitation; 
 if any began a remark with doubting preface of 
 
 "Ah, but " the others hushed them down and 
 
 begged them to have some sense. Erb had made 
 all his plans for the possible stop of work ; the other 
 
I20 ERB 
 
 stations and dep6ts were willing to contribute some- 
 thing infinitesimal every week with much the 
 spirit that they would have paid to see a- wrestling 
 match. All the same, Erb showed more confidence 
 than he felt, and when he left the men, declining 
 their invitation to drink success to the movement 
 (clear to them that Fortune was a goddess only to 
 be appeased and gained over by the pouring out of 
 libations of mild-and-bitter), he took cheerfulness 
 from his face, and walked, his collar up, along 
 Bermondsey New Road to call for his young sister 
 at her workshop. The sellers on the kerb appealed 
 to him in vain, a shrill-voiced little girl thrust 
 groundsel in his face, and he took no notice; gay 
 bunches of flowers were flourished in front of his 
 eyes, and he waved them aside. If the men went 
 weak at the knees at the last moment, it would be 
 deplorable, but it would be an incident for which he 
 could not accept blame ; if he himself were to make 
 some blunder in the conduct of the negotiations, it 
 would be fatal to his career, and all other secretaries 
 of all other organisations would whisper about it 
 complacently. 
 
 " Anxious times, my girl," said Erb to Louisa ; 
 " anxious times ! We'll have a tram-ride down to 
 Greenwich and back, and blow dull care away," 
 
 " I've just finished," said Louisa in a whisper. 
 
ERB 121 
 
 " I'll pop on me hat, Erb, and be with you in 'alf a 
 moment." 
 
 " This work's beginning to aiifect your chest," said 
 Erb. 
 
 " Funny thing," remarked Louisa, with great good 
 temper, half-way up the wooden stairs of the work- 
 shop, "but my medical man ordered me carriage 
 exercise. Shan't be two ticks." 
 
 When Louisa returned, stabbing her hat in one or 
 two places before gaining what seemed to be a satis- 
 factory hold, she was accompanied by giggling young 
 women who had been sent by the rest as a commis- 
 sion ta ascertain whether it was Louisa's own brother 
 or some other girl's brother who had called for her, 
 Louisa's own statement appearing too absurd to have 
 any relationship to truth. Moreover, presuming it 
 were Louisa's young man who had called for her, it 
 was something of a breach of etiquette, as under- 
 stood by the girls of the workshop, for one young 
 couple to go out alone, the minimum number for 
 such an expedition being four, in which case they 
 talked not so much to their immediate companion 
 as to the other half of the square party, with whom 
 they communicated by shouting. Having ascertained, 
 to their surprise, that Louisa had spoken the exact 
 and literal truth, they saw the brother and sister off 
 from the doorway, warning Louisa to wrap up her 
 
122 ERB 
 
 neck, and begging Erb to smile and think of some- 
 thing pleasant. 
 
 " Never mind their chaff," said Louisa in her deep 
 whisper. " I'd a jolly sight rather be going out a bit 
 of an excursion with you than I would with — well, 
 you know." 
 
 " Wish you hadn't lost your voice," said Erb, with 
 concern. " I don't like the sound of it at all." 
 
 " There's some girls in our place never get it back, 
 
 and after about four or five years of it Don't 
 
 cross over here." 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " He makes my 'ead ache," said Louisa promptly. 
 " I've only been going out with him for a fortnight, and 
 I know all what he's going to say as though I'd read 
 it in a printed book. He talks about the weather 
 first, then about his aunt's rheumatics, then about the 
 day he had at Brighton when he was a kid, then 
 about where he thinks of spendin' his 'oliday next 
 year, then about how much his 'oliday cost him last 
 
 year " A mild gust of wind came and struck 
 
 Louisa on the mouth ; she stopped to cough, holding 
 her hand the while flat on her blouse. 
 
 "Keep your face shut, youngster," advised Erb 
 kindly, " until you've got used to the fresh air." 
 
 Both brother and sister felt in sailing down to New 
 Cross Gate on the top of a tramcar, and then along by 
 a line less straight and decided to Qreenwjcb, that they 
 
ERB 123 
 
 were escaping from worry, and they enjoyed the even- 
 ing's trip. Going through Hatcham, Louisa declared 
 that one might be in the country, and thereupon, in 
 her own way, declared that they were in the country, 
 that she and her brother had been left a bit of money, 
 which enabled her to give up work at the factory 
 and wear a fresh set of cuffs and collars every day : 
 this sudden stroke of good "fortune also permitted 
 Erb to give up his agitating rigmarole (the phrase 
 was Louisa's own, and Erb accepted it without pro- 
 test), and they had both settled down somewhere 
 near Epping Forest ; Erb, as lord of the manor, with 
 the vicar of the parish church for slave, and Louisa 
 as the generous Lady Bountiful, giving blankets and 
 home-made jam to all willing to subscribe to Con- 
 servative principles. They had a stroll up the hill to 
 Greenwich Park, Lady Louisa forced to go slowly on 
 account of some aristocratic paucity of breath, and 
 Sir Herbert, her brother, playing imaginary games 
 of golf with a stick and some pebbles, and going 
 round the links in eighty-two. At the Chalet near 
 the Blackheath side of the park they took tea, Louisa's 
 insistence on addressing her brother by a full title 
 astonishing the demure people at other wooden tables, 
 puzzling them greatly, and causing, after departure, 
 acrimonious debate between husbands and wives, 
 some deciding that Erb and Louisa were really 
 superior people and others making reference to 
 
124 ERB 
 
 escapes from Colney Hatch, Louisa, delighted with 
 the game of fooling people, darted down the hill, 
 with Erb following at a sedate trot ; she stopped 
 three parts of the way down, and Erb found her 
 leaning against a tree panting, with tears in her eyes. 
 These tears she brushed away, declaring that some- 
 thing had come to her mind that had made her laugh 
 exhaustedly, and the two went on more sedately 
 through the open way at the side of the tall iron 
 gates, happy in each other's company, and showing 
 this in the defiant way with which some people hide 
 real emotions. 
 
 " You're a bright companion," said Louisa satirically, 
 as the tram turned with a jerk at the foot of Black- 
 heath Hill. " You 'aven't made me laugh for quite 
 five minutes." 
 
 " I've been thinking, White Face." 
 
 "My face isn't white," protested his sister, lean- 
 ing back to get a reflection of herself in a draper's 
 window. " I've got quite a colour. Besides, why 
 don't you give up thinking for a bit ? You're always 
 at it." 
 
 "You'd be a rare old nagger," said Erb, hooking 
 the tarpaulin covering carefully and affectionately 
 around his sister, "if ever anybody had the misfortune 
 to marry you. It'd be jor, jor, jor, from morning, 
 noon, till night." 
 
 " And if ever you was silly enough to get engaged, 
 
ERB 125 
 
 Erb That's Deptford Station down there," said 
 
 Louisa, as the car stopped for a moment's rest. 
 " I used to know a boy who's ticket collector now ; 
 he got so confused the other day when I come down 
 here to go to a lecture that he forgot to take my 
 ticket." She laughed out of sheer exultation at the 
 terrifying powers of her sex, " Take my advice, Erb, 
 don't you never get married, even if you are asked to. 
 Not even if it was Lady Frances." 
 
 "Young idiot!" said Erb. "Think I ever bother 
 my head about such matters ? I've got much more 
 important work in life. This business that I've got 
 on now " 
 
 "Our girls are always asking about you," said 
 Louisa musingly. " It's ' Is he engaged ? ' ' Does 
 he walk out with anybody ? ' ' Is he a woman 'ater ? ' 
 and all such rot." 
 
 Erb looked down at the traffic -that was speeding 
 at the side of the leisurely tramcar and gave himself up 
 for a while to the luxury of feeling that he had been 
 the subject of discussion. He thought of his young 
 elocution teacher, and wondered whether he had any 
 right to accept this position of a misogynist when he 
 knew so well that it was made by adverse circum- 
 stances and the existence of a good-looking youth 
 with an unreliable chin and hair in waves. The 
 driver below whistled aggrievedly at a high load of 
 hops that was coolly occupying the tram lines; the 
 
126 ERB 
 
 load of hops seemed to be asleep, and the tram driver 
 had to pull up and whistle again. In a side road banners 
 were stretched across with the word " Welcome," 
 signifying thus that a church bazaar was being held, 
 where articles could be bought at quite six times the 
 amount of their real value. A carriage, drawn by a 
 pair of conceited greys, came out of the side street, 
 with a few children following and crying, " Ipipooray ! " 
 the proud horses snorted indignantly to find that 
 they were checked by a bucolic waggon and a plebeian 
 tramcar. A young woman in the open carriage 
 looked out over the door rather anxiously. 
 
 " It's her ladyship," cried Louisa, clutching Erb's 
 arm. 
 
 " Good shot," agreed Erb. 
 
 "If only she'd look up and recognise us," said 
 Louisa. The other people on the tram began to take 
 an interest in the encounter, and Louisa's head 
 already trembled with pride. 
 
 " She wouldn't recognise us." 
 
 " Go on with you ! " contradicted his sister. 
 
 Louisa was afflicted with a sudden cough of such 
 eccentric timbre that some might have declared it to 
 be forced. People on the pavement looked up at her 
 surprisedly, and Lady Frances, just then closing her 
 scarlet parasol, for the use of which, indeed, the 
 evening gave but little reason, also glanced upwards. 
 Erb took off his hat and jerked a bow, and Louisa 
 
ERB 127 
 
 noticed that the closed scarlet parasol was being 
 waved invitingly. She unhooked the tarpaulin cover 
 at once, and, despite Erb's protestation that they had 
 paid fares to Bermondsey New Road, hurried him 
 down the steps. To Louisa's great delight, the tram- 
 car, with its absorbedly interested passengers, did not 
 move until the two had reached the open carriage, 
 and Lady Frances's neatly-gloved hand had offered 
 itself in the most friendly way. (Louisa declared 
 later that she would have given all that she had in 
 the Post Office Savings Bank to have heard the 
 comments of the passengers.) 
 
 "This," said Lady Frances pleasantly, "is the 
 long arm of coincidence. Step in .both of you, 
 please, and let me take you home to your place." 
 
 "If you don't mind excusing us " began Erb. 
 
 "Oh you — you man," said his sister to herself 
 " I can't call you anything else." 
 
 "Please, please" begged Lady Frances. They 
 stepped in. By a great piece of good luck, Erb 
 remembered that amongst the recipes and axioms 
 and words of advice on the back page of an evening 
 paper he had a night or two previously read that 
 gentlemen should always ride with their backs to the 
 horses, and he took his seat opposite to Lady 
 Frances : that young woman, with- a touch on 
 Louisa's arm, directed the short girl to be seated 
 at her side. 
 
128 ERB 
 
 " Bricklayers' Arms Station, Old Kent Road," said 
 Lady Frances. Mr. Danks, in livery, his hair pre- 
 maturely whitened, had jumped down to close the 
 door. Mr. Danks touched his hat, and, without 
 emotion, resumed his seat at the side of the coach- 
 man. " You are keeping well, I hope .' " To Louisa, 
 
 " I have been feeling a bit chippy," said Erb's 
 sister, trying to loll back in the seat, but fearful of 
 losing her foothold. 
 
 " So sorry," said Lady Frances. " And you ? " 
 
 "Thank you," said Erb, "middlin'. Can't say 
 more than that. Been somewhat occupied of late 
 with various matters." 
 
 " I know, I know," she remarked briskly, " It is 
 this that makes it providential I should have met 
 you. My uncle is a director on one of the railways, 
 and he was talking about you only last night at 
 dinner." 
 
 " Very kind of the gentleman. What name, may 
 I ask?" Lady Frances gave the information, gave 
 also an address, and Erb nodded. " Me and him are 
 somewhat in opposite camps at the present time." 
 
 " My uncle was anxious to meet you," said young 
 Lady Frances, in her agreeable way. 
 
 " Just at this moment I scarcely think " 
 
 " Under a flag of truce," she suggested. " I was 
 going to write to you, but this will save me from 
 troubling you with a note." 
 
ERB 129 
 
 " No trouble." 
 
 " I've been opening a bazaar down here," went on 
 Lady Frances with determined vivacity. " The oddest 
 thing. Do you ever go to bazaars ? " 
 
 "Can't say," said Erb cautiously, "that I make 
 a practice of frequenting them.'' 
 
 Louisa sat bolt upright, her feet just touching 
 the floor of the carriage, and feeling, as she after- 
 wards intimated, disinclined to call the Prince of 
 Wales her brother. Her ears listened to Lady 
 Frances's conversation, and she made incoherent 
 replies when an opinion was demanded, but her eyes 
 were alert on one side of the carriage or the other, 
 sparkling with anxiety to encounter someone whom 
 she knew. Nearly everybody turned to look at 
 them, but it was not until they reached the "Dun 
 Cow" at the corner of Rotherhithe New Road (the 
 hour being now eight o'clock), at a moment when 
 Louisa had begun to tell herself regretfully no one 
 would believe her account of this gratifying and 
 epoch-making event, that into Old Kent Road, 
 chasing each other, came two girls belonging to her 
 factory. The foremost dodged behind a piano-organ 
 which was making a fruitless effort to make its persis- 
 tent jangle heard above the roar and the murmur of 
 traffic; seeing her pursuer stand transfixed with 
 a cheerful scream of vengeance half finished, she 
 turned her head. At the sight of Louisa bowing 
 
 K 
 
I30 ERB 
 
 with a genteel air of half recognition the first girl 
 staggered back and sat down helplessly on the 
 handles of the piano-organ, jerking that instrument 
 of music and causing the Italian lady with open 
 bodice to remonstrate in the true accents of Clerken- 
 well. Near to Bricklayers' Arms Station Louisa 
 saw again her current young man, who, morbid with 
 the thought of a wasted evening, still waited hope- 
 fully for his fiancee, now three hours behind time ; 
 the young gentleman's eyesight being dimmed with 
 resentfulness, it became necessary for her to wave 
 a handkerchief that might, she knew, have been 
 cleaner, and thus engage his attention. At the very 
 last possible moment he signalled astonished ac- 
 knowledgment. 
 
 For Erb, on the other hand, the journey had some- 
 thing of apprehension. From the moment of start- 
 ing from St. James's Road, Hatcham, the fear 
 possessed him that he might be seen by some 
 member of his society, who would thereupon com- 
 municate facts to colleagues. Thus would his char- 
 acter for independence find itself bruised; thus 
 would the jealousy of the men be aroused; thus 
 would the Spanswick party be able to whisper 
 round the damaging report that Erb had been 
 nobbled by the capitalists. Wherefore Erb, anxious 
 for none of these eventualities, tipped his hat well 
 over his forehead, and, leaning forward, with his face 
 
ERB 131 
 
 down, listened to Lady Frances's conversation. The 
 carriage had a scent of refinement; the young woman 
 opposite in her perfect costume was something to be 
 worshipped respectfully, and he scarce wondered 
 when, at a point of the journey up the straight Old 
 Kent Road, he heard one loafer say to another, 
 "Where's there an election on to-day?" Lady 
 Frances, having completed her account of the bazaar, 
 had information of great importance to communicate, 
 and this she gave in a confidential undertone that 
 was pleasant and flattering, 
 
 "From what my uncle says, it appears there is 
 a strike threatening, and — you know all about it 
 perhaps ? " 
 
 " Heard rumours," said Erb guardedly. 
 
 " He is anxious you should call upon him at the 
 earliest possible moment to discuss the affair privately, 
 but he is most desirous it should not appear that 
 he has sought the meeting. You quite see, don't 
 you ? It's a question of amour-propre." 
 
 "Ho! "said Erb darkly. 
 
 " And I should be so glad," she went on, with the 
 excitement of a young diplomatist, " if I could bring 
 you two together. It would be doing so much good." 
 
 " To him ? " 
 
 " I could drive you on now," she suggested hesita- 
 tingly, " and we should catch my uncle just after his 
 dinner ; an excellent time." 
 
132 ERB 
 
 " I think," said Erb stolidly, " that we'd better let 
 events work out their natural course." 
 
 " You're wrong, quite wrong, believe me. Events 
 left alone work out very clumsily at times." Lady 
 Frances touched him lightly on the knee. "Please 
 do me this very small favour." 
 
 "Since you put it like that, then, I don't mind 
 going up to see him to-night. Not that anything 
 will come from it, mind you. Don't let's delude 
 ourselves into thinking that!' 
 
 "This," cried Lady Frances, clapping her hands, 
 "is excellent. This is just what I like to be 
 doing." Erb, still watching fearfully for acquaint- 
 ances, glanced at her excited young face with 
 respectful admiration. "Now, I shall drive you 
 straight on " 
 
 " If you don't mind," said Erb, " no ; we'll hop out 
 at the corner of Page's Walk." 
 
 "And not drive up to the dwellings?" asked 
 Louisa, disappointed. 
 
 "And not drive up to the dwellings'," said Erb 
 firmly. " I'll get on somehow to see your uncle 
 to-night." 
 
 " You won't break your word ? " 
 
 " I should break a lot of other things before I did 
 that." 
 
 Thus it was. Lady Frances shook hands; Erb 
 stepped out, looking narrowly through the open gate- 
 
ERB 133 
 
 way of the goods station, and offering assistance to 
 Louisa absently. As he did so, he saw William 
 Henry, his old van boy, marching out of the gates in 
 a violently new suit of corduroys, and with the re- 
 sponsible air of one controlling all the railways in 
 the world. 
 
 " Get better soon," said Lady Frances to Louisa. 
 " Mr. Barnes, to-night." Danks, down from his seat 
 and closing the door (Erb and his sister standing on 
 the pavement, Erb wondering whether he ought to 
 give the footman threepence for himself, and Louisa 
 coming slowly from heaven to earth), received the 
 order : " Home, please." 
 
 Erb went, half an hour later, by tramcar to West- 
 minster Bridge and walked across. He perceived the 
 necessity for extreme caution j reading and natural 
 wisdom told him that many important schemes had 
 been ruined by the interference of woman. He 
 looked at the lights that starred the borders of the 
 wide river, saw the Terrace where a member of 
 Parliament walked up and down, following the red 
 glow of a cigar, and he knew that if he were ever 
 to get there it would only be by leaping successfully 
 over many obstacles similar to the one which at pre- 
 sent confronted him ; to allow himself to be distracted 
 from the straight road of progress would be to court 
 disaster. 
 
 "Boy," said the porter at the Mansions, "show 
 
134 ERB 
 
 No. 124A." In a lift that darted to the skies Erb 
 was conveyed and ordered to wait in a corridor, 
 whilst Boy, who wore as many buttons as could be 
 crowded on his tight jacket, went and hunted for 
 Lady Frances's uncle, and presently ran him to earth 
 in the smoking-room, bringing him out triumphantly 
 to the corridor. Erb found himself greeted with 
 considerable heartiness, invited to come into a smok- 
 ing-room that looked down from a height suggest- 
 ing vertigo at St James's Park, taken to a corner, 
 and furnished with a big cigar. Men in evening 
 dress, with the self-confidence that comes after an 
 adequate meal, were telling each other what they 
 would do were they Prime Minister, and Erb was 
 surprised to hear the drastic measures proposed for 
 stamping out opposition ; some of these seemed to be 
 scarcely within the limits of reason. And what had 
 Erb to say ? A plain man, remarked Lady Frances's 
 uncle of himself (which, in one respect, at any rate, 
 was a statement bearing the indelible stamp of truth), 
 always of opinion that it was well to plunge in 
 medias res. On Erb replying that at present he had 
 no statement to offer, the purple -faced Director 
 seemed taken aback, and diverted the conversation 
 for a time to Trichinopolies and how best to keep 
 them, a subject on which Erb was unable to speak 
 with any pretence of authority. 
 "Little whisky?" suggested the Director, with 
 
ERB 135 
 
 his thumb on the electric bell, "just to keep one 
 alive." 
 
 Lady Frances's uncle sighed on receiving Erb's 
 reply, and proceeded to relate a long and not very 
 interesting anecdote concerning an attempt that had 
 once been made to swindle him by an hotel pro- 
 prietor at Cairo, and the courageous way in which 
 he had resisted the overcharge. On Erb looking at 
 his silver watch, the colour of the Director's face, 
 from sheer anxiety, deepened, and he waved into the 
 discussion with a Pall Mall Gazette a silent friend 
 who had been sitting in a low easy-chair, hands 
 clasped over his capacious dress waistcoat, gazing 
 at the room with the iixed stare of repletion ; the 
 silent friend craned himself into an upright position 
 and lumbered across the room to the window. The 
 Director, thus usefully reinforced, proceeded to open 
 the affair of the impending strike, and, having done 
 this, urged that there never was a difficulty yet that 
 had not a way out, and demanded that Erb should 
 show this way out instantly. Erb suggested that the 
 Director's colleagues should receive him and the 
 men, listen to their arguments, and concede their 
 requests, or some of them. Director, appealing for 
 the support of the silent man, but receiving none, 
 replied explosively, " That be hanged for a tale ! " 
 On which Erb remarked that he had some distance 
 to go, and if the Director would excuse him 
 
136 ERB 
 
 Director said fervently, " For goodness gracious sake, 
 let us sit down, and let us thresh this matter out." 
 Giving up now his original idea of an exit, he 
 remarked that a golden bridge must be built. Why 
 should not Erb simply stand aside, and let the men 
 alone seek consultation with the Directors? Erb 
 declared that he would do this like one o'clock 
 (intimating thus prompt and definite action), pro- 
 viding there seemed good likelihood of the men's 
 requests being complied with. Director, looking at 
 silent friend, and trying to catch that gentleman's 
 lack-lustre eye, inquired how on earth he could 
 pledge his colleagues. Erb, now interested in the 
 game, suggested that Lady Frances's uncle probably 
 had some idea of the feelings entertained by his 
 fellow- directors, and the host, giving up all efforts 
 to get help from his silent friend, admitted that there 
 was something in this. Pressed by Erb to speak as 
 man to man, Director gave the limits of concession 
 that had been decided upon — limits which would not, 
 however, come within sight unless the men came 
 alone, and quite alone, to plead their cause. Erb 
 thought for a few moments, the glare of the silent 
 friend now directed upon him, and then said that he 
 would take Director's word as the word of a gentle- 
 man ; the men should send a deputation the following 
 day in their luncheon hour, and he (Erb) would 
 stand aside to watch the result. Director offered a 
 
ERB 137 
 
 hand, and Erb, instinctively rubbing his palm on his 
 trousers, took it, and the silent friend thereupon 
 suddenly burst into speech (which was the last thing 
 of which one would have thought him capable), 
 saying huskily, and with pompous modesty, that he 
 was very pleased to think that any poor efforts of 
 his should have brought about such a happy agree- 
 ment ; it was not the first time, and probably would 
 not be the last, that he had presided over a meeting 
 of reconciliation, and that his methods were always 
 — if he might say so — tact, impartiality, and a desire 
 to hear both sides. 
 
 " Quite glad to have met you," said the Director, 
 gratified in having accomplished something that 
 would enable him to wear the halo of notoriety at to- 
 morrow's Board meeting. " You'll go far. Your head 
 is screwed on the right way. Not a liqueur?" 
 
 " I take partic'lar care it ain't screwed in any other 
 fashion," said Erb. 
 
 " Good-bye," said the Director. 
 
 "Be good! "said Erb. 
 
CHAPTER VII 
 
 AT an elocution lesson in Camberwell, Erb a 
 -t\ mitted that the settlement of the Willow Wa 
 affair had given him a good jerk forward. There w 
 always now a quarter of an hour between the clo 
 of his time and the appearance of the next pupil- 
 quarter of an hour occupied by a soliloquy from Er 
 prefaced by the cue from Rosalind, " Well, now, t( 
 me what you've been doing this week." She hi 
 some of the important security that comes to ; 
 engaged young woman, and Erb (who looked fc 
 ward to this weekly exchange of confidences) indua 
 himself to ask politely after Mr. Lawrence Railtc 
 of the Sin's Reward Company, and when Rosalii 
 answered with a sigh that Mr, Railton had not writb 
 for some time, Erb made excuses for him on varioi 
 grounds, such as that he was probably over-occupi( 
 with the work of his profession,' that a man in K 
 Railton's place had to be here, there, and everywhei 
 that it being sometimes the gentleman's affectiona 
 habit to scribble a hurried post-card to \i\sfiande ( 
 the Sunday journeys, likely enough there would be 
 
 138 
 
ERB 139 
 
 communication next Monday. On this Rosalind 
 would brighten very much, and sing cheerful words 
 in praise of Mr. Railton, who occupied, it seemed, a 
 unique and delicate position, in that he was much too 
 good for the provinces and not quite good enough 
 for town ; nevertheless, Sin's Reward had booked a 
 week for the Surrey, and the young woman's eyes 
 danced at the thought of seeing him again. Mr. 
 Railton's real name was Botts, which was held to be 
 unattractive as a name on the bills ; his father was a 
 silver - chaser in Clerkenwell, and it was generally 
 understood that Mr. Railton had had to cut off his 
 parents with a shilling on the grounds that they 
 insisted on calling him Sammy. 
 
 Walking home after this fifteen minutes of happi- 
 ness, Erb found himself continuing the talk, and 
 affecting that Rosalind was tripping along at his 
 side : it was in these silent talks that he dared to call 
 her " dear," thereupon colouring so much that passers- 
 by glanced at him curiously ; plain-faced ladies went 
 on gay with the thought that their features had the 
 power to confuse a stranger. When, in these circum- 
 stances, he encountered men of the Society, they were 
 sometimes greatly diverted, and cried, " 'Ullo, Erb ! 
 Going over a speech, eh, Erb ? " 
 
 No doubt at this period of Erb's popularity. His 
 unselfish reticence in the Willow Walk affair, the 
 common-sense he exhibited in one or two minor 
 
140 ERB 
 
 troubles, the more complete polish of the spoken 
 word : these things increased the men's respect. 
 Also they knew that he worked for them day and 
 night : he had not developed the swollen head of 
 importance that in secretaries of other societies was 
 frequently a prominent feature. He organised a 
 system of benefits on three scales, by which, if you 
 paid in twopence a week, you received fifteen shillings 
 a week in the case of unjust dismissal; twelve 
 shillings a week for unjust suspension ; ten shillings 
 a week for strike pay. He arranged with a pushful 
 solicitor in Camberwell to give legal advice. He had 
 written one or two articles concerning the Society in 
 weekly penny papers, and in these he had taken care 
 not to obtrude his own name or his own work. Even 
 Spanswick admitted now that Erb was turning out 
 better than he had expected, but Spanswick's views 
 might have been coloured by the fact that Erb 
 was organising a ticket benefit at the Surrey on 
 Spanswick's behalf: this not so much on account of 
 any personal misfortune, but because Mrs. Spanswick, 
 always a thoughtless, inconsiderate woman, had mis- 
 takenly chosen a time when Spanswick was tempo- 
 rarily suspended from duty for insobriety, to present 
 him with twin babies. " Three," grumbled Spanswick, 
 "three, I could have understood. There'd been a 
 bit of money about three. But two ! " Spans- 
 wick's friends promised to rally round him, a feat 
 
ERB 141 
 
 they performed in theory only, and Erb had to go 
 elsewhere to find buyers of the tickets. Lady Frances 
 took a box — a fact which modified and chastened 
 Spanswick's very extreme views in regard to what he 
 usually called the slave-owning upper classes. Lady 
 Frances had done a kinder thing than this. On one 
 of her visits to Bermondsey she had met Louisa, 
 white-faced and twitching as a result of her work, 
 had gone to Louisa's employer, had made him 
 shake in his very shoes by denouncing him and all his 
 works, had demanded for Louisa a fortnight's holiday, 
 which the employer, anxious enough to conciliate this 
 emphatic young titled person, and fearful of being 
 sent to the Tower, at once conceded ; sent Louisa, 
 with sister Alice for company, away to the country 
 house at Penshurst, where the better side of Alice's 
 nature asserted itself, and she became an attentive 
 nurse. Erb's aunt Emma lived at Penshurst : the 
 old lady went up high in the estimation of the 
 other villagers by reason of her nieces' visit to 
 the Court. 
 
 The month being July, work well in demand and 
 overtime to be had without asking, Erb was able to 
 obtain consent to almost any project that he liked to 
 submit to his committee. The Society was new enough 
 to feel the enthusiasm of youth ; the men were pleased 
 with the sensation of power that it gave to them, and 
 they assumed there were no limits to its possibilities. 
 
142 ERB 
 
 From which causes Erb had several irons heating in 
 the fire, of which one was a new paper to be called 
 The Carman, to be issued twice a month, and to cost 
 one halfpenny per copy. The expense of production 
 would be something more than this, but when Erb, 
 who was to be managing editor, used that blessed 
 word "propaganda," there was nothing more to be 
 said, and the last doubter gave in. 
 
 It was at this time that Erb gave up whistling in 
 the streets. 
 
 The white-haired labour member had taken him to 
 the House on two occasions, and in the smoking- 
 room had introduced him to some wealthy members 
 of the party; and, whilst the board at the side 
 showed the names of unattractive speakers, the mem- 
 bers chatted so agreeably that Erb forgot himself 
 and addressed one who was in evening dress, and 
 had so much money that he wore several coins on 
 his watch-chain, as " Sir " ; lifting of eyebrows on the 
 part of the labour member told him he had blun- 
 dered. Members asked questions of Erb, questions 
 which betrayed the fact that their knowledge of the 
 real feelings of the working men was superficial, and 
 thenceforth Erb felt more at his ease. They gave 
 their names as patrons of the Spanswick benefit, and 
 the member who wore coins offered Erb a cigarette, 
 and, seeing him through the outer lobby, begged him 
 to drop a line should anything important occur ; this 
 
ERB 143 
 
 in a way that suggested later to Erb, as he crossed 
 Westminster, that the coin member wanted to find 
 opportunity of becoming attached to some creditable 
 grievance, not so much for the sake of the grievance 
 as for the sake of himself. 
 
 " Now," said Erb definitely to the fringe of lights 
 near St. Thomas's Hospital, " I'm not going to be 
 made a catspaw, mind you." 
 
 Interest came with the arrangements for Spans- 
 wick's benefit. This necessitated calls at the theatre 
 near the Obelisk in the evenings, and speech with 
 excited men who went about behind the scenes with 
 their hats at the backs of their heads : men who were 
 for ever mislaying letters and documents, and com- 
 plaining of everybody else's carelessness, and eventu- 
 ally finding the letters or documents in their own 
 hands. The Spanswick night was to be a ticket 
 benefit (which, being interpreted, meant that only the 
 tickets sold outside the theatre would add to Spans- 
 wick's income and assuage his present distress), 
 and the night selected was a Friday in the week 
 booked by the Sin's Reward Company — Friday, 
 which was near to the men's pay day, and would 
 snatch them at the fleeting moment when spare cash 
 was on the very point of burning a hole in their 
 pockets. Because Lawrence Railton was of the 
 company, and because Erb was responsible for the 
 success of the evening, Rosalind communicated to 
 
144 ERB 
 
 the scheme the keen interest that became her so well ; 
 her father, with ponderous generosity, had promised 
 to ensure a triumphant evening by giving what he 
 termed the considerable advantage of a somewhat 
 long and not altogether undistinguished experience. 
 Erb was anxious to see Lawrence Railton, desirous 
 of seeing what manner of youth had succeeded where 
 he had desired to succeed. Matters being as they 
 were, there was no alternative but to play the friend 
 of the family, to meet Railton with the out- 
 stretched hand of amity, to congratulate him, and 
 to save up presently for a wedding-present which 
 should represent a genial interest in the welfare of 
 the young couple. A plated cruet-stand, he thought, 
 as at present advised, but there were arguments in 
 favour of an inkstand that looked like a lawn-tennis 
 set — an inkstand had a suggestion of literary 
 tastes that appealed to the prospective editor of The 
 Carman ; it suggested also a compliment to Rosalind 
 that a cruet-stand with the best intentions could 
 never convey. He did not quite know how he would 
 endure it all. Perhaps it would best be remedied by 
 increased application to the work of the Society, and 
 if ever the day should come when he found himself 
 elected to a seat in that House at Westminster (the 
 outside of which he went to see very often, just for 
 self-encouragement), Rosalind would feel that she 
 
ERB 145 
 
 might have done better than marry Mr. Lawrence 
 Railton. 
 
 " But I don't quite see," admitted Erb, as he wrestled 
 with all this, " I don't quite see what sort of help 1 
 shall get out of thatr 
 
CHAPTER VIII 
 
 AT the Obelisk streets radiate, and the tramcars 
 -tV going to London have to make their choice. 
 The theatre in the road that leads to Blackfriars 
 Bridge is a theatre of middle age, with its own 
 opinion of the many juvenile competitors that have 
 sprung up during recent years in near and in distant 
 suburbs : it endeavours to preserve the semblance of 
 youth and modernity by putting on four white globes 
 of electric light, but its age is betrayed by a dozen 
 women with aprons full of oranges, " Two a punny, 
 a punny for two " (oranges are not eaten in the new 
 theatres), and a tray on high trestles loaded with 
 pigs' trotters, which no one ever buys. Some steps 
 go up to the shilling and the sixpenny seats ; early 
 doors, which exact from the over-anxious an ad- 
 ditional threepence, are in a dark alley at the side, 
 at the end of which is a door that leads to the box- 
 office by day and the stage entrance by night. On 
 the outside of the house coloured posters of grisly 
 scenes that make th§ passer-by chill with fear; a 
 yellow woman hurled down a blue precipice; the 
 
 146 
 
ERB 147 
 
 same lady bound by-cords to a grandfather's clock, 
 which shows the hour as three minutes to twelve, 
 and facing her two crape-masked men with pistols; 
 underneath the horrid words, "At midnight, my lady, 
 you die." A pleasanter note in the frames of photo- 
 graphs that hang slightly askew. Here, Mr. Lawrence 
 Railton as a wicked Italian (at any rate, his moustache 
 turns upwards), as Gratiano in a third-hand costume 
 of the Louis the Fifteenth period, as Inspector Beagle 
 in Tracking the Criminal, and in as many more 
 characters as the frame will carry; in the centre, 
 Mr. Lawrence Railton as the art of the photographer 
 would have him be in real life, evening dress, insuffi- 
 cient chin, contemptuous smile — the portrait which 
 occupied the position of honour on Rosalind's mantel- 
 piece. 
 
 A conspicuous evening for Erb, by reason of the 
 circumstance that he had the honour of conveying 
 Rosalind to the theatre ; her father, having borrowed 
 individual shillings on individual days from her on 
 the promise of accompanying her, had, at the last 
 moment, come into a windfall of two-and-threepence, 
 and had thereupon remembered an urgent appoint- 
 ment with a dramatist of note at a public-house just 
 off the Strand. "Should the Fates be kind," said 
 Rosalind's father, " I shall endeavour to honour the 
 performance with my presence later on." Louisa 
 had organised a raffle at her factory for a circle 
 
148 ERB 
 
 ticket, and a chapel-going girl, who had picked the 
 highest number out of a straw hat, accompanied her 
 with the full anticipation — this being her first visit to 
 the play — that she was about to witness scenes that 
 might well imperil her future existence; unwilling, 
 all the same, to give her prize away or to sell. Erb, 
 confronted with the responsibility of transporting 
 three ladies, had vague ideas of a four-wheeler, but 
 remembered in time that this would excite criticism 
 from members ever anxious to detect and crush any 
 effort he might make to commit the unpardonable 
 sin of "putting on side"; compensation came in 
 being allowed to walk by the side of Rosalind, who, 
 near Camberwell Gate, seemed to be dressed prettily 
 but with restraint, but who, as they approached the 
 "Elephant and Castle," increased in smartness by 
 contrast with the surroundings of Walworth Road. 
 There were crossings to be managed, and Erb, in the 
 most artful way, assisted her here by insinuating his 
 arm underneath her cape, wondering at his own 
 courage, and rather astonished to find that he was 
 not reproved. Rosalind's manner differed from that 
 of other young women of the district in that she dis- 
 pensed with the defiant attitude which they assumed, 
 never to be varied from first introduction to last 
 farewell. 
 
 " And now the question is," said Louisa's colleague, 
 " ought I to go in or ought I to stay outside ? " 
 
ERB 149 
 
 "Considering you've got a ticket," replied little 
 Louisa satirically, " it seems a pity to go in. Why 
 not stay outside and 'ave an orange instead ? " 
 
 " Oh," said the chapel-goer recklessly, " now I'm 
 here I may jest as well go on with it. In for a penny 
 in for a pound. If the worst comes to the worst, I 
 
 can shut me eyes and Who's that lifting his 
 
 cap to you?" 
 
 '"Ullo," remarked Louisa, "you alive still?" 
 
 The lad threw away the end of his cigarette, and, 
 advancing, remarked in a bass voice that he had 
 thought it as well to come up on the off chance of 
 meeting Louisa. 
 
 " My present young man," said Louisa, introducing 
 the lad. 
 
 "Well," said the chapel girl resignedly, "this is the 
 beginning of it." 
 
 Erb, again assisting, took Rosalind up the broad 
 stone staircase; swing doors permitted them to go 
 into the warm, talkative theatre. A few shouts of 
 recognition were raised from various quarters as Erb 
 went in, and he nodded his head in return, but he 
 looked sternly at the direction whence a cry came 
 of "Is that the missus, Erb?" and the chafifilng 
 question was not repeated. Down near the stage 
 the orchestra made discordant sounds, the cornet 
 blew a few notes of a frivolous air for practice. Erb 
 bought a programme for Rosalind, and asked if 
 
I50 ERB 
 
 anything else was required ; Rosalind, from a satin 
 bag which hung from her wrist, produced a pair of 
 mid-Victorian opera-glasses, bearing an inscription 
 addressed to her mother, " From a few Gallery Boys," 
 and said, " No, thank you," with a smile that made 
 his head spin round. 
 
 " But would you mind," she flushed as she leaned 
 forward to whisper this, "would you mind telling 
 Mr. Railton that I — I should very much like to see 
 him after the show." 
 
 At the stage door a postman had just called, and 
 Erb, waiting for permission to go in whilst the door- 
 keeper sorted the letters, could not help noticing that 
 a violet envelope, in a feminine handwriting, was 
 placed under the clip marked R ; it was addressed \o 
 Lawrence Railton, Esquire. The doorkeeper gave 
 permission with a jerk of the head, as though pre- 
 ferring not to compromise himself by speech, and 
 Erb went up through the narrow corridor where the 
 office and the dressing-rooms were situated. Cards 
 were pinned on the door of the latter, and one of 
 them bore, in eccentric type, the name of the gentle- 
 man for whom Rosalind had given him the message. 
 A lady's head came out cautiously from one of the 
 other rooms and called in a shrill voice, " Mag-gie ! " 
 a middle-aged woman flew from somewhere in reply 
 with a pair of shoes. Below, the orchestra started 
 the overture of an elderly comic opera ; a boy, in a 
 
ERB 151 
 
 cap, came along the corridor shouting, "Beginners, 
 please ! " 
 
 "She got in everything for the entire week," said 
 a triumphant voice inside the room, " settled for my 
 washing, cashed up for every blessed thing, and I've 
 never paid the old girl a sou from that day to this. 
 Hullo ! what's blowR this in ? " 
 
 Two young men in the small room ; each making- 
 up in front of an untidy table, before them open tin 
 cases, powder-pufFs, sticks of grease paint, bits of 
 linen of many colours. On the walls previous 
 occupiers had drawn rough caricatures : here and 
 there someone had stuck an applauding newspaper 
 notice, or a butterfly advertisement. Neither of the 
 young men looked round as Erb came in, but each 
 viewed his reflection in the looking-glass. 
 
 " Name of Railton ? " said Erb inquiringly. 
 
 "That's me," replied one of the two, still gazing 
 into his looking-glass. 
 
 " My name's Barnes. I'm secretary to the R.C.S." 
 
 " Any connection with the Press ? '* asked Mr. 
 Railton, fixing a white whisker at the side of his 
 floridly made-up face. 
 
 " Not at present ! " 
 
 "Then what the devil do you mean," demanded 
 the other hotly, " by forcing your way into the room 
 of two professional men ? " 
 
 " Yes,'' said the man at the other glass, taking up 
 
152 ERB 
 
 a hand-mirror to examine the back of his head, 
 " what the deuce next, I wonder ? For two pins I'd 
 take him by the scrufF of his neck and pitch him 
 downstairs." He glanced at Erb, and added rather 
 hastily to Mr. Railton : " If I were you." 
 
 '' I shall most certainly complain to the manage- 
 ment," went on Railton. " It isn't the first time." 
 
 " I don't know," said his companion, " what they 
 think the profession's made of. Because we allow 
 ourselves to be treated like a flock of sheep, they 
 seem to think they can do just what they dashed well 
 please." 
 
 " I've a precious good mind," said Railton vehe- 
 mently, "to hand in my notice. Would, too, if it 
 wasn't for the sake of the rest of the crowd." 
 
 He ceased for a second whilst he made lines down 
 either side of his mouth, falling back from the mirror 
 to consider the effect. 
 
 " If you've quite finished," said Erb good-humour- 
 edly, " I should like to tell you, my fiery-tempered 
 warriors, that I have only called with a message from 
 Miss Banks — Miss Rosalind Banks ? " 
 
 " That's one of yours, Lorrie ! " 
 
 "You mean," said Railton casually, as he toned 
 down a line with the powder-puff, " a dot-and-carry- 
 one girl ? " 
 
 " Miss Banks," said Erb, " is the leastest bit lame." 
 He repeated precisely the message which Rosalind 
 
ERB 153 
 
 had given him, and Railton clicked his tongue to 
 intimate impatience. " I'll call in again later 
 on," said Erb, " when you've finished your little 
 bit, and then I can take you round to where she's 
 sitting." 
 
 " Now, why in the world," cried Railton, throw- 
 ing a hairbrush on the floor violently, "why in the 
 world can't people mind their own business ? There's 
 a class of person going about on this earth, my dear 
 Chippy " 
 
 " I know what you are going to say," remarked 
 the other approvingly. 
 
 " And if I had my will I'd hang the whole lot of 
 them, I would, honestly." 
 
 " I quite believe you would," said Chippy. 
 
 " And I'd draw and quarter them afterwards." 
 
 " And then burn 'em," suggested Chippy. 
 
 " And then burn 'em." 
 
 "Would you amiable gentlemen like to have the 
 door closed ? " asked Erb. 
 
 " Put yourself outside first," recommended Railton. 
 
 The stage and its eccentricities attracted Erb as 
 they attract everyone, and, a licensed person for the 
 evening, he went about through the feverish atmo- 
 sphere, meeting people who appeared ridiculous as 
 they stood at the side of the stage waiting to go on, 
 but who, as he knew, would look more life-like than 
 life with the footlights intervening. Pimple-faced men. 
 
154 ERB 
 
 in tweed caps, hidden from the audience, held up 
 unreliable trees; kept a hand on the ladder, which 
 enabled the leading lady to go up and speak to her 
 lover from the casemented upper window of a cottage; 
 ran against each other at every opportunity, com- 
 plaining in hoarse whispers of clumsiness. A boy 
 came holding clusters of shining pewter cans by the 
 handles, and peace was restored amongst the stage 
 hands, but for the folk in evening dress, with un- 
 natural eyes and amazing faces, who stood about 
 ready to go on, there remained the strain of excite- 
 ment ; some of them soliloquised in a corner, whilst 
 others talked in extravagant terms of dispraise con- 
 cerning the new leading lady, hinting that no doubt 
 she was a very good girl and kind to her mother, but 
 that she could not act, my dear old boy, for nuts, or 
 for toffee, or for apples, or other rewards of a moderate 
 nature. These seemed to be only their private views, 
 for they were discarded when the leading lady came 
 down the ladder, and they then gathered round her 
 and told her that she was playing for all she was 
 worth, that she had managed to extract more from 
 that one scene than her predecessor had obtained 
 from the entire play, and hinting quite plainly that 
 it was a dear and a precious privilege to be playing 
 in the same company with her. Mr. Lawrence Railton 
 brought for the leading lady a wooden chair ; a 
 middle-aged bird (who was her dresser) hopped 
 
ERB 155 
 
 forward, bringing a woollen shawl, that had started 
 by being white and still showed some traces of its 
 original intention, to place around her shoulders. 
 
 " I don't know," said Railton, stretching his arms, 
 when, having been ousted from attendance by others, 
 he had strolled up towards Erb, " but I don't feel like 
 acting to-night ! " 
 
 " Do you ever ? " asked Erb. 
 
 " It's wonderful," went on the young man, " simply 
 and absolutely wonderful the different moods one 
 goes through, and the effect they have on one's per- 
 formance. I go on giving much the same rendering 
 of a part for several nights on end, and, suddenly, I 
 seem to get a flash of inspiration." 
 
 " Better language ! " recommended Erb. 
 
 " A flash of inspiration," said the white-whiskered 
 young man with perfect confidence, and keeping his 
 eyes on the stage. " It all comes in a moment, as it 
 were. And then, by Jove ! one can fairly electrify 
 an audience. One sees the house absolutely rise." 
 
 " And go out ? " asked Erb. 
 
 On the stage the leading man (who was an honest 
 gentleman farmer, showing the gentleman by wearing 
 patent boots, and the farmer by carrying a hunting 
 crop) cried aloud, demanding of Misfortune whether 
 she had finished her fell conspiracy against him, and 
 this, it appeared, was the cue for Lawrence Railton, 
 with his white whiskers and frock-coated suit and a 
 
156 ERB 
 
 brown hand-bag, to go on with the announcement 
 that he had come to foreclose a mortgage, informa- 
 tion which the house, knowing vaguely that it boded 
 no good to the hero, received with groans and hisses. 
 Erb, watching from the side, prepared for an exhibi- 
 tion of superior acting on the part of Mr. Railton, 
 and was somewhat astonished to find that, instead of 
 playing a part that forwarded the action of the piece, 
 he was merely sent on in order to be kicked off, 
 treatment served out to him by an honest labourer, 
 faithful to his master and with considerable humour 
 in his disposition. Any expectations that Railton 
 would take a more serious part in the melodrama 
 were set aside in a later scene of Act I. When the 
 hero and the faithful young labourer had both en- 
 listed in a crack cavalry regiment, he came on with 
 his brown bag to find them and give information of 
 importance, and was at once, to the great joy of the 
 pit and gallery, again kicked off; the regiment, 
 consisting of eight men and a girl officer, marched 
 round the stage several times to a military air, and, 
 after the girl officer had delivered a few sentences of 
 admirable patriotism, went off to the Royal Albert 
 Docks to take ship for South Africa. Indeed, 
 throughout the piece it was Mr. Railton's privilege 
 to follow the leading man and his low comedy friend, 
 and whether he encountered them on the quay at 
 Cape Town, out on the veldt near Modder River, or 
 
ERB 157 
 
 at the Rhodes Club at Kimberley, he was ever hailed 
 by the entire theatre with joyous cries of "Kick him ! 
 kick him ! " advice upon which the low comedy man 
 always acted. 
 
 " D'you like your job ? " asked Erb at the end of 
 Act II., as he prepared to go round to the front and 
 collect the men of his committee. 
 
 "Someone must hold the piece together," said 
 young Railton, wearily making a cigarette. "Take 
 me away, and the entire show falls to pieces." 
 
 " Upon my word," said Erb, looking at him wonder- 
 ingly, ■' you are a perfect marvel. I never saw any- 
 thing like you." 
 
 "Thanks, old chap," replied the other gratefully, 
 and shaking his hand. "Meet me after the show, 
 and we'll have a drink together. I was afraid at first 
 you were a bit of a bounder. Don't mind me saying 
 so now, do you ? " 
 
 "Not at all," replied Erb. "You gave me much 
 the same impression." 
 
 " That's most extr'ordinary. There's an idea for a 
 curtain-raiser in that. Two men beginning by " 
 
 " Any message for your young lady ? " 
 
 " Which ? " asked Mr. Railton. 
 
 " You know very well who I mean," said Erb, with 
 some annoyance. 
 
 " Oh," with sudden enlightenment, '' you mean the 
 Danks person. Oh, tell her I'm all right." 
 
158 ERB 
 
 Erb did not trust himself to answer, but went down 
 the narrow stone passage, and drew a deep breath 
 when he reached the doorway and the dimly-lighted 
 alley; he had work to do, and this, as always, en- 
 abled him to forget his personal grievances. In the 
 saloon bar of a neighbouring public-house he found 
 two members of his committee : because they wore 
 their Sunday clothes they smoked cigars, which they 
 now extinguished carefully, placing the ends in their 
 waistcoat pockets ; they came out on Erb's orders to 
 take up position at the stage door. The others were 
 in front of the house, and Erb, going in and standing 
 by the swing door of the circle, discovered them one 
 by one and gave them the signal to come out, which 
 they did with great importance, stepping on toes of 
 mere ordinary people in a lordly way. 
 
 "Did he send any message.'" asked Rosalind 
 anxiously. 
 
 " Sent his love." Worth inventing this to see the 
 quick look of relief and happiness that danced across 
 her face. " Said he was looking forward to seeing 
 you." 
 
 Three minutes later, when the leading man had 
 done something noble that in the proclaimed opinion 
 of the heroine (there, oddly enough, as a nurse) fore- 
 shadowed the inevitable Victoria Cross, and Mr. 
 Railton had come on in a kilt to be kicked off once 
 more, and there remained only the affairs of England, 
 
ERB 159 
 
 home, and beauty to be arranged in the last act, the 
 curtain went down, and two minutes later still the 
 orchestra having disappeared in search of refresh- 
 ment, and the audience occupied in cracking nuts 
 and hailing acquaintances with great trouble at 
 distant points, the curtain went up again on a flap- 
 ping scene, behind which the tweed-capped men, it 
 appeared, were setting an elaborate last act, doing 
 it with audible argument and open condemnation of 
 each other's want of dexterity. Chairs on the stage 
 stood in a semicircle, and marching on from the left 
 came the dozen members of the committee in their 
 suits of black, twirling bowler hats, and glancing 
 nervously across the footlights in response to the 
 ejaculatory shouting of names. Spanswick, wearing 
 a look of pained resignation, received a special shout, 
 but the loudest cheers were reserved for the secretary, 
 and those in front who did not know him soon took 
 up the cry. 
 
 " Erberberberb " 
 
 It became certain at once that Payne was not 
 to give an epoch-making speech. Confused perhaps 
 by the footlights, uncertain of the attitude of this 
 great crowded theatre, Payne's memory ran its head 
 against a brick wall and stayed there : he gave three 
 repetitions of one sentence, and then, having reversed 
 jihe positions of the tumbler and the decanter, started 
 afresh, the audience encouraging him by cries of 
 
i6o ERB 
 
 " Fetch him out, Towser, fetch him out 1 " as though 
 Mr. Payne were an unwilling dog, but the same brick 
 wall stood in his way, and, concluding with the 
 remark, " Well, you all know what I mean," he called 
 upon Erb, and sat down glancing nervously across to 
 the pit stalls, where was Mrs. Payne, her head shak- 
 ing desolately, her lips moving with unspoken words 
 of derision. 
 
 " I'm going to take five minutes," said Erb, in his 
 distinct and deliberate way. He took out his watch 
 and laid it on the table. " Even if I'm in the middle 
 of a sentence when that time is up, I promise I'll go 
 down like a shot. I suppose you know the story 
 of the man who " 
 
 Good temper smiled and laughed from the front 
 row of the pit stalls and up to the very topmost row 
 of the gallery at Erb's anecdote, and, hoping for 
 another, they sat forward and listened. He knew 
 that he held them now, knew they would cheer 
 anything he liked to say, providing he said it with 
 enough of emphasis. He went on quickly that this 
 advantage might not be lost, pounding the palm of 
 one hand with the fist of the other, so that the dullest 
 might know by this gesture when a point was in- 
 tended ; spoke of the good feeling that was aroused 
 by the presence of a fellow-man's misfortune ; men- 
 tioned the work of his own Society, urged that so long 
 as this feeling of comradeship existed, so long would 
 
ERB i6i 
 
 their condition improve, not perhaps by a leap or 
 a bound, but by steady, cautious, gradual progress. 
 Up in the circle his young elocution teacher nodded 
 approvingly, flushing with pride at her pupil's careful 
 enunciation, giving a start of pain at a superfluous 
 aspirate. 
 
 " He can talk," admitted a man behind her. 
 
 " If rd had the gift of the gab," said the man's 
 neighbour, " I could have made a fortune." 
 
 Erb stepped out near to the footlights and gave 
 his peroration in an impassioned manner that had 
 the useful note of sincerity. Those in the theatre 
 who were sympathisers rose and cheered ; the rest, 
 not to be left out of a gratifying show of emotion, 
 joined, and Spanswick, the hero of the evening, as 
 he rose from his chair to say a few words, might 
 have been a leading politician, a general who had 
 rescued his country from difficulties, or an excep- 
 tionally popular member of the royal family, instead 
 of a railway carman of third-rate excellence with a 
 notable wife. 
 
 Spanswick said this was the proudest moment of 
 his life. Spanswick would never forget that night: 
 useless for anybody to ask him to do so. If people 
 should come to Spanswick and invite him to erase 
 that evening from his recollection, he would answer 
 definitely and decidedly, " Never ! " So long as 
 memory lasted and held its sway, so long would 
 
 M 
 
i62 ERB 
 
 he guarantee to keep that evening in mind, and carry 
 remembrance with him. Thus Spanswick, in a 
 generous way that suggested he was doing a noble 
 and spontaneous act, and one for which the audience 
 should be everlastingly grateful. Payne, as chairman, 
 rose, and ignoring a suggestion from the gallery that 
 he should dance the hornpipe, led the group off, the 
 members looking shyly across at the audience, and 
 the audience howling indignantly at one of the men 
 who replaced his hat before getting off. 
 
 " Were you nervous, Erb ? " asked Louisa excitedly. 
 " / was. Nearly fainted, didn't I ? " 
 
 "Oh, don't talk," whispered her lady-companion, 
 enchanted by the commencement of Act IV. " Don't 
 talk, please, when there's such beautiful things going 
 on." 
 
 Railton had nothing to do in the last act, the 
 dramatist having apparently felt that the thin vein 
 of humour which had been struck in the character 
 was by this time exhausted, and Rosalind looked 
 with anxiety at the curtained doorway of the circle, 
 but Railton did not appear during the last act, 
 and he was not in the vestibule below when the 
 audience poured out into Blackfriars Road. She 
 was very silent on this, and when Erb saw her into 
 a tramcar she shook hands without a word. Going 
 back to assist Louisa's young man in the task of 
 escorting the two other ladies, he found himself 
 
ERB i6s 
 
 intercepted by Mr. Lawrence Railton — Railton, in 
 an astrakhan bordered coat, and well wrapped around 
 the throat, giving the impression that here was some 
 rare and valuable product of nature to be specially 
 protected. 
 
 " I want you ! " said the young nian. 
 
 "You'll have to," said Erb brusquely, and going 
 on. 
 
 " But it concerns the girl you were speaking of." 
 
 " Where can we go ? " asked Erb, stopping. 
 
 " Come round to the bar at the back of the circle," 
 said Railton, "and you can give me a drink," he 
 added generously. 
 
 A few members of the company were near the 
 bar, and Railton, to compensate for the presence 
 of such an ordinary-looking companion, began to 
 talk loudly and condescendingly. Never drank till 
 after the show, he explained ; some drank during 
 the performance, but none of the best men did so. 
 One could not give a good reading of the part 
 unless one observed the principles of strict ab- 
 stemiousness. If Erb would promise not to let 
 the matter go any further, he would show him, in 
 the strictest confidence, a letter from a West End 
 manager, that would prove how near one could be 
 to conspicuous success. 
 
 " Not that one," he §aid, opening the violet envelope. 
 
i64 ERB 
 
 "That's from a dear thing at Skipton. Worships 
 the very ground I walk on." 
 
 The letter in question fell on the floor. Erb picked 
 it up, and in doing so, could not help noticing that 
 it began : " Sir, unless you forward two-and-eight 
 by return, the parcel of laundry will be sold with- 
 out further notice ! " 
 
 " Here it is," cried Railton. " ' Mr. So-and-so 
 thanks Mr. Lawrence Railton for his note, and 
 regrets that the arrangements for the forthcoming 
 production are complete,' Regrets, you see — mark 
 that ! A post earlier, and evidently he would have 
 — don't drown it, my dear chap ! " 
 
 " In regard," said Erb, putting down the water- 
 bottle, " to Miss Rosalind." 
 
 " I hadn't finished what I was saying." 
 
 " Didn't mean you should. Let's drop your per- 
 sonal grievances for a bit. Why didn't you come 
 round and see her before she left ? " 
 
 " Now that," said Railton, leaning an elbow on 
 the counter, " goes straight to the very crux of the 
 question. That's just wfiere L wanted to carry you. 
 I hate a man who wastes time on preliminaries. My 
 idea always is that if you've got a thing to say, say 
 it!" 
 
 "Say on!" 
 
 " My position," said Railton importantly, " is this. 
 Thave, as I think I said, the artistic temperament. 
 
ERB 165 
 
 I am all emotion, all sentiment, all heart! It may 
 be a virtue, it may be a defect ; I won't go into that. 
 The point is that your Rosie is the exact opposite. 
 I confess I thought at one time that we might be 
 well suited to each other, but I see now that I made 
 a mistake. Doesn't often happen, but I did make 
 a mistake there, and the unfortunate part of the 
 business is that I — in a kind of way, don't you 
 know — promised to marry her." 
 
 "So I understood. When does the affair come 
 off?" 
 
 " My dear old chap," said Railton with effusive 
 confidence, " the affair is off. But you know what 
 women are, and I find it rather difficult — for, -mind 
 you, I am above all things a man of honour — I 
 find it rather difficult to write to her and tell 
 her so. Some men wouldn't hesitate for a moment. 
 Some men have no delicacy. But what I thought 
 was this: Do you want to earn a couple of pounds?" 
 
 " Go on ! " said Erb quietly. 
 
 "Assuming that you do want to earn a couple 
 of pounds, this is where you come in. You, I gain, 
 have a certain admiration for her. Now, if you can 
 take her off my hands so that I can get out of the 
 engagement with dignity, I am prepared to give you, 
 in writing, mind, a promise to pay " 
 
 Railton went down swiftly on the floor. The other 
 people hurried up. 
 
i66 ERB 
 
 " You dare strike me ! " he cried as he rose, his 
 handkerchief to his face. " Do it again, that's all." 
 
 He went down again with the same unexpected- 
 ness as before. Three men stood round Erb, who 
 looked quietly at his own clenched fist ; the knuckles 
 had a slight abrasion. 
 
 " Want any more .' " he asked. 
 
 Railton made one or two efforts from his crumpled 
 position to speak; the three men suggested police, 
 but he waved his hand negatively. 
 
 " Do you want any more, you scoundrel, you .' " 
 repeated Erb. 
 
 " No," answered Mr. Lawrence Railton weakly, 
 from the linoleum, " I don't want any more. I 
 always know my limit." 
 
CHAPTER IX 
 
 ' I "HIS bdng a period of his life when Erb could 
 -*- do nothing wrong, the unpremeditated experi- 
 ment with fists had a result that seldom attends 
 efforts of the kind Railton sent to Erb by post the 
 following day an elaborate letter of apology, in 
 which he argued that Erb, by a quite excusable 
 error, had misunderstood what he (Railton) had 
 intended to convey; that he honoured Mr. Barnes 
 for the attitude he had taken up (which, under 
 similar circumstances, would have been his own), 
 that he should, of course, carry out his engagement 
 with the young lady whose name it was unnecessary 
 to mention, that he should ever retain an agreeable 
 memory of Mr. Barnes (to whose efforts in the cause 
 of labour he begged in passing to offer his best 
 wishes), and trusted very sincerely that their friendship 
 would not be impaired by the unfortunate incident of 
 the preceding night. Thus Railton, with many an 
 emphasising underline and note of exclamation, and 
 a flourish under the signature, intended to convey the 
 impression that here was a document of value to be 
 
 167 
 
i68 ERB 
 
 preserved for all time. On Erb discovering his 
 elocution teacher — whose lessons he now scarcely 
 required, but whose services as instructress in the art 
 of public oratory he continued to exact for the sheer 
 pleasure of listening to her private speech — on Erb 
 discovering her at his next visit with traces of recent 
 tears, he insisted on knowing the cause, and was 
 told, first, that father had been borrowing seventeen 
 shillings and sixpence, which she would have to pay 
 back, amount required in order, the Professor had 
 explained to the credulous lender, to enable him to 
 purchEise a comedy which had a part that would fit 
 the Professor like a glove (" I can see myself in it," 
 the Professor declared) ; and on Erb dismissing this 
 incident as too common for tears, Rosalind re- 
 luctantly showed him a letter from the admirable 
 Railton, written by that young gentleman at the 
 same time apparently that he had penned the com- 
 munication to Erb : in this he regretted time had not 
 permitted him to call at Camberwell Gate, the loss 
 was his ; but what he particularly wanted to say was 
 that the farce of their engagement need no longer be 
 allowed to run. On neither side, wrote Mr. Railton, 
 had there been any real affection, and he was sure 
 that this formal intimation would be as great a relief 
 to Rosalind as to himself; he trusted she would find 
 another good fianc^, and he was, with all regards, 
 her friend and well-wisher, Lawrence Railton. Erb, 
 
ERB 169 
 
 greatly concerned for Rosalind, told her nothing of 
 the incident of the benefit performance, but tried to 
 comfort her with the suggestion that Railton had 
 probably written without thought. 
 
 " I am beginning to see," said Rosalind presently. 
 " I am beginning to see that I have at least one real 
 friend in the world." 
 
 " One's ample," replied Erb. 
 
 With the men of the Society the occurrence gave 
 to Erb distinct promotion. Something to have a 
 quick mind with figures, something to be ready of 
 speech, something to be always at hand when in 
 London a railway carman was in trouble, but better 
 than all these things was it to be able to think of 
 their secretary as one able to put up his fists. 
 Wherever he went, for a time, congratulations were 
 shouted from the hood of parcels carts or the high 
 seat of pair-horse goods vans ; boys hanging by 
 ropes at the tail-boards gave a cheer as they went. 
 
 There is nothing quite so dear and precious as 
 the world's applause, and if here and there a man 
 should announce his distaste for it, the world may be 
 quite sure that this is said only to extort an addi- 
 tional and an undue share. At the next committee 
 meeting Erb was requested, with a good deal of im- 
 portance, by Payne, as chairman, to be good enough 
 to leave the room for ten minutes ; on his return it 
 was announced to him that, moved by J. Spanswick, 
 
I70 ERB 
 
 and seconded by H. R. Wates, a resolution had been 
 carried according to Herbert Barnes, Secretary, an 
 increase in salary of twenty pounds per annum. 
 Erb announced this to his young white-faced sister, 
 and added to the announcement an order directing 
 her to leave her factory and look after the home in 
 Page's Walk ; but Louisa would not hear of this, 
 declaring that a humdrum life would never suit her, 
 that she should mope herself into a state of melan- 
 choly if Erb insisted, and that the money could be 
 laid out much more usefully on, first, a pianoforte; 
 second, a new suite of chairs for the sitting-room in 
 place of furniture which had been in the Barnes 
 family for two generations ; third, in articles of 
 costume for Erb, a present for old Aunt Emma down 
 at Penshurst, and — if any sum remained — in some- 
 thing for herself. They argued the point with 
 desperate good-humour from either side of the table, 
 until Erb found that she was really in earnest, and 
 then he gave in. 
 
 " You always have your own way, Louisa." 
 
 "Precious small use having anybody else's," she 
 retorted. 
 
 " You've got a knack of deciding questions," com- 
 plained her brother good-temperedly, "that makes 
 you a little debating society in yourself." 
 
 " There's something in connection with your 
 
ERB 171 
 
 Society," went on Louisa, encouraged, "that you 
 might arrange if you'd got any gumption." 
 
 " Let us assume, for the sake of argument, that 
 I have." 
 
 " It's this. When one of your single chaps gets 
 engaged, let him begin paying into a wedding fund. 
 You've got your strike funds and what not, but you 
 ain't got no wedding fund." 
 
 " We haven't any wedding fund," corrected Erb. 
 
 " Oh, never mind about grammar," said his young 
 sister impetuously. " I'm talking sense. Let them 
 all pay a bob or so a week, and the one that draws a 
 good number gets his ten pound and goes off and 
 gets married like a shot. See what an interest it'd 
 make the girls take in your Society, see how it'd 
 make your young carmen sought after. See how 
 fine it'd be for them to start life on their own, instead 
 of having to go on paying so much a week for 'ire to 
 the furniture shops." 
 
 " A reg'lar orator," said Erb approvingly. " It 
 must run in the blood, I think. Besides, there's an 
 idea in what you say." 
 
 " I never speak," said his sister with confidence, 
 " without I say. something." She paused for a 
 moment. " I suppose, Erb, that — that with all this 
 money coming in, you'll begin to think about get- 
 ting married." 
 
172 ERB 
 
 He put his knife and fork down and rose from his 
 chair. 
 
 The marriage club was only one of the new features 
 that Erb introduced to the Society, but it was the one 
 which had a tinge of sadness, in that it appeared to 
 him that he was almost alone in not having in hand 
 a successful affair of the heart. Lady Frances came 
 frequently to Bermondsey, where she threw herself 
 with great earnestness into the excellent work of 
 providing amusing hours for children — children who 
 had never been taught games, and knew no other 
 sport than that of imperilling their little li>es in the 
 street. Erb was seen with her one evening as she 
 returned from a Board School, and there ensued at 
 the next committee meeting considerable badinage 
 of a lumbering type ; Payne declared that Erb should 
 join the wedding club in order that the happy pair 
 should be in a position to set up a house in Portman 
 Square together ; Spanswick remarked, with less of 
 good temper, that some people's heads were getting too 
 big for their hats ; whilst other members, ever ready 
 to take part in the fine old London sport of chipping, 
 offered gibes. Erb retorted with his usual readiness, 
 and laughed at the suggestion ; but afterwards found 
 himself fearing whether Lady Frances was, in point 
 of fact, lavishing upon him a hopeless affection. He 
 had almost persuaded himself to admit that this was 
 the case, when his sister Alice made one of her 
 
ERB 173 
 
 condescending calls at Page's Walk and gave, with 
 other information, the fact that the sweetheart of 
 Lady Frances, a lieutenant, the Honourable Some- 
 body, had some time since been ordered away on 
 a mission to the North- West Coast of Africa; her 
 young ladyship was, by this desperate interest in the 
 juveniles at Bermondsey, endeavouring to distract her 
 mind from thoughts of her absent lover, Erb breathed 
 again, and gave assistance in managing the most 
 trying boys at the " Happy Evenings." One evening, 
 as he performed the duty of seeing Lady Frances 
 through the dimly -lighted streets to Spa Road Station, 
 they met Rosalind and her father. Rosalind flushed 
 hotly, and Erb wondered why. He demanded of her 
 the reason at the next elocution lesson, and Rosalind 
 said calmly that it was because at that moment she 
 had given her second-best ankle a twist. 
 
 It was Lady Frances who brought to Erb an 
 invitation that flattered him. Her uncle, of Queen 
 Anne's Mansions, a man in most of the money-making 
 schemes of London, but one never anxious to obtrude 
 his own name or his own personality, felt desirous of 
 starting a new movement. This Lady Frances ex- 
 plained to Erb, with her usual vivacity, the while 
 both kept an eye on some noisy Bermondsey 
 infants who were playing in the hall of the Board 
 School. 
 
 " Other countries are getting ahead of us, my uncle 
 
174 ERB 
 
 says, and unless something is done at once, British 
 trade — (now, children, do play without quarrelling, 
 please, to oblige me!) — British trade will go down, 
 and down, and down, and there will be nothing 
 left." 
 
 " Are things really so bad ? " 
 
 " Oh, they're terrible," declared Lady Frances with 
 great cheerfulness. "Apparently the bed-rock has 
 been reached, and it is only by a great and a unani- 
 mous effort that Great Britain will ever again be 
 ;enabled to get its head above, water. So, at any rate, 
 my uncle tells me." 
 
 " I don't know — (young Tommy Gibbons, if I catch 
 you at that again, you know what will happen) — I 
 don't know that I've ever studied the subject in the 
 large. My own Society takes up nearly all my time, 
 and other work I leave to other people." 
 
 "Exactly, Mr. Barnes, exactly! I quite under- 
 stand your position. But I have such faith in my 
 uncle. Do you know that Jiearly everything he 
 touches turns into money." 
 
 " Very agreeable gift." 
 
 " But the point is this, that nothing can be done 
 unless capital and labour work in unison for a com- 
 mon end. One is affected quite as much as the 
 other, and alone neither can do anything. British 
 trades are being snapped up by America, by France, 
 by Germany, even by Belgium; the only remedy, my 
 
ERB 175 
 
 uncle says, is for us to take some of their manu- 
 factures and plant them here — (I was sure you'd fall 
 down and hurt your knee, little boy. Come here, and 
 let me kiss the place and make it well) — I don't know 
 whether I make myself quite clear to you, Mr. 
 Barnes ? " 
 
 " I can guess," said Erb. " Only thing I can't 
 see is, where your uncle imagines that I come 
 in." , 
 
 A dispute between two children over a doll 
 necessitated interference, based on the judgment of 
 Solomon. 
 
 " Obviously," replied the girl, delighted at the im- 
 portance of her task, " obviously, your work will be to 
 organise." 
 
 " Organise what ? " 
 
 " Meetings of working men to take up the idea, dis- 
 cussion in the halfpenny papers, argument in work- 
 shops. In this way," she said, with her engaging 
 frankness, " in this way, you see, you could strengthen 
 my uncle's hands.'' 
 
 " Not sure that that is the one desire of my life." 
 
 " If you would only see my uncle and argue it out ! 
 He, I am sure, would succeed where I " — with a sigh 
 — " where I so horribly fail." 
 
 " Look here," said Erb hastily, " if it's any satisfac- 
 tion to you, I'll say at once that I'm with the move- 
 ment, heart, body, and soul." 
 
176 ERB 
 
 Lady Frances took his big hand atid patted it 
 thankfully, 
 
 " Can't tell you how pleased I am," she declared. 
 " I'll send on all the circulars and figures and things 
 when I reach Eaton Square to-night — (children, 
 children, you are tiresome, really) — and then you can 
 start work directly." 
 
 A busy man always has time to spare ; it is only 
 your lazy person who can never place a minute at 
 anyone's disposal. Thus it was that Erb tacked on 
 to his other duties the work of making known the 
 Society for Anglicising Foreign Manufactures, press- 
 ing into the service all the young orators of his 
 acquaintance, and furnishing them with short and 
 easy arguments. Our import trade was so many 
 millions in excess of our outgoing trade ; why should 
 this be so ? Our villages were becoming deserted, and 
 country manufactories dwindled day by day; this 
 must be stopped. Vague talk about technical educa- 
 tion ; praise for the English working man, and adula- 
 tion of his extraordinary but sometimes dormant 
 brain power; necessity of providing tasks for the 
 rising generation that they might not push men of 
 forty out of berths. An agreeable programme, one 
 that could be promulgated without those inquiries 
 addressed to the labour leaders in the House, which 
 always had a suggestion of servility, Erb, the follow- 
 ing Sunday, spoke at Southwark Park in the morning. 
 
ERB 177 
 
 at Peckham. Rye in the afternoon, and Deptford 
 Broadway in the evening, and, the subject being new, 
 he found himself invited to address several working 
 men's clubs during the week. Paragraphs, slipped 
 into the newspapers, sometimes contained his name ; 
 Lady Frances wrote that her uncle was delighted 
 and had asked to be especially remembered. A later 
 note mentioned that it was intended to hold a mass 
 meeting at St. James's Hall, to bring the subject well 
 before the people of London ; her uncle would not 
 be able to be present, but he had begged her to 
 request Mr. Barnes to speak on this occasion ; there 
 would be a Duchess of philanthropic tendencies in 
 the chair, and several members of Parliament had 
 promised to speak, " Don't disappoint us ! " said the 
 letter appealingly. Erb sent an agreeable post-card 
 in reply, and a friend of his, an assistant-librarian 
 in the Free Library, promised to devote himself to 
 work of research and ascertain how one addressed a 
 lady of such distinguished rank as the wife of a 
 Duke. The assistant-librarian urged that evening 
 dress was the correct thing, and offered to lend a suit 
 which he or his' brother wore when they went out 
 into Society, patronising dances at the Surrey Masonic 
 Hall ; but here Erb's common-sense interfered. The 
 meeting was advertised in the daily papers and on 
 hoardings, his name given as Herbert Barnes, Esquire, 
 with full qualifications set out ; he never saw one of 
 
 N 
 
lyS ERB 
 
 the posters without stopping to enjoy the sight, and 
 it pained him extremely to find that on one or two in 
 the neighbourhood of home some friend had erased 
 the affix. Louisa went boldly one evening to the 
 offices of the new society in College Street, West- 
 minster, and obtained a copy of the poster ; this she 
 would have exhibited in the front window, but com- 
 promised by sticking it at its four corners on the wall 
 of the sitting-room. 
 
 St. James's Hall was not overcrowded on the even- 
 ing, and a wealthy member of the committee went 
 about telling everybody that a smaller room would 
 have been cheaper, but it was full enough to please 
 Erb as he took a view of it from the stairs leading to 
 the platform. The platform was fringed with palms ; 
 on the walls were hung banners, with quotations from 
 Shakespeare down to the newest poet — quotations 
 that appeared in a vague way to give support to the 
 movement. Lady Frances, hovering about in the 
 manner of an anxious butterfly, introduced Erb to the 
 Duchess, and the Duchess, without using her lorgnon, 
 said beamingly that she had read all of Mr. Barnes's 
 works, and felt quite too delighted to meet the author ; 
 Erb protested nervously that he had never written a 
 book, but the Duchess waved this aside as ineffective 
 badinage, and went on talking, the while she looked 
 away through her glasses at arriving people. So 
 delightful, said the Duchess absently, to mingle with 
 
ERB 179 
 
 men of talent ; it took one into another atmosphere. 
 The Duchess, for her part, claimed to have powers of 
 observation, and trusted piously that she was not 
 altogether without a sense of humour, but these 
 exceptional qualities, she said, had never availed her 
 when she took pen in hand. Erb, perceiving the 
 futility of contradiction, suggested that she should one 
 day, when a spare moment arrived, have another dash 
 at it, and the Duchess, bringing her gaze by a process 
 of exhaustion round to him, stared at him wonder- 
 ingly for a moment, and then promised to act upon 
 his advice. A shy little man of letters being sub- 
 mitted just then to her consideration, the Duchess 
 dropped Erb, and engaged in animated monologue 
 on the subject of labour and how to conciliate it ; 
 her own method seemed to be to treat it as one would 
 treat an elephant and give it buns. Erb stood about 
 the room, whilst well-dressed people flew one to the 
 other with every sign of gratification ; he felt all his 
 usual difficulty of not knowing what to do with his 
 hands. The people had a manner of speech that he 
 could scarcely understand ; they talked of things that 
 for him were as a sealed book. Three clergymen, 
 who came in a bunch and seemed similarly out of the 
 movement,, gave him a feeling of companionship. 
 When they all formed in a line and marched up on 
 the platform to a mild, whispered cheering from the 
 Hall, Erb's interest quickened, and the slight feeling 
 
i8o ERB 
 
 of nervousness came which always affected him when 
 he was going to speak. 
 
 "And I do think," said the Duchess, with shrill 
 endeavour to make her voice reach the back of the 
 hall, " I do think that the more we consider such 
 matters the more likely we are to understand them 
 and to realise what they mean, and to gain a better 
 and a wider and a truer knowledge." The three 
 clergymen said, " Good, good ! " in a burst of respect- 
 ful approbation, as men suddenly illuminated by a 
 new thought. " I am tempted to go further," said 
 the Duchess, waving her notes threateningly at the 
 audience, "to go further, and express myself to 
 this effect, that having put our hands to the 
 
 plough " She looked round at the straight line 
 
 of folk behind her, and they conveyed by their looks 
 that if a Duchess could not be allowed the use of 
 daring metaphor, then it would have to be denied 
 to everybody. " Having put our hands to the plough, 
 we shall not turn back — (slight cheering) — we shall 
 not falter — {renewed slight cheering) — we shall not 
 loiter by the roadside, but we shall go steadily on, 
 
 knowing well that — that " Here the Duchess 
 
 found her notes and read the last words of her 
 peroration carefully, " Knowing well that our goal 
 is none other than the rising sun, which symbol- 
 ises so happily the renaissance " Here she 
 
 looked down at the reporters' table, and seemed 
 
ERB i8i 
 
 about to spell the word, but refraining, contented 
 herself by saying it again with great distinctness : 
 "The renaissance of British Trade and British 
 Supremacy ! " 
 
 A service member of Parliament proposed the 
 first resolution, and did so in a speech that would 
 have suited any and every occasion on sea or land, 
 in that it was made up entirely of platitudes, and 
 included not one argument that could be seized by 
 the most contentious ; the whole brightened by what 
 the member of Parliament himself described as a 
 most amusing discussion, which he had held with 
 a man of the labouring classes not many years since 
 (on which occasion the member had travelled second, 
 this being notoriously the only way of discovering 
 the true aspirations of the lower classes), and the 
 member had subjected the man to a rigid cross- 
 examination of the most preposterous and useless 
 nature which he now repeated with many an "Ah, 
 
 but I said " and " Now listen to me, my good 
 
 fellow " and " Permit me to explain what I mean 
 
 in simple words so that even you can understand," 
 the labouring man eventually giving in, admitting 
 that the gallant member had won the game at every 
 point — the probability being that the poor fellow, 
 bullied and harried by a talkative bore, had done 
 so in the interests of peace and with a desire to be 
 let alone and allowed to read his evening paper. 
 
i82 ERB 
 
 The service member clearly prided himself not only 
 on the acuteness which he had displayed in the 
 argument, but also on the wonderful imitative faculty 
 which enabled him to reproduce the dialect of his 
 opponent, a dialect which seemed to have been some- 
 what mixed, for at one moment he spoke Lancashire 
 with, "Aye, ah niver thowt o' that," and the next 
 broad Somerset, "There be zummat in what yew 
 zay, zir," and anon in a strange blend of Irish and 
 Scotch. 
 
 " ' That this meeting calls upon the working classes 
 to put aside all differences and to contribute their 
 indispensable assistance to the new movement, from 
 which they themselves have so much to gain.' Will 
 IV^r. Herbert Barnes please second ? " 
 
 This was written on the slip of paper, and passed 
 along to Erb at a moment when the grisly fear had 
 begun to possess him that he might not be called 
 upon. He nodded to the secretary, and felt that the 
 audience, now tired of listening to spoken words, 
 looked at him doubtfully. One of the three clergymen 
 being.^elected to move the resolution, the other two 
 looked at their shoes with a pained interest, and pre- 
 sently tugged at their black watch-guards, and, just 
 before the chosen man arose, slipped quietly out. 
 Fortunately for Erb, the remaining clergyman started 
 on a line of reasoning excellently calculated to 
 annoy and to stimulate. He began by pointing out 
 
ERB 183 
 
 that everybody nowadays worked excepting the 
 working man, doubted whether it was of much use 
 offering to him help, but declaring himself in doleful 
 tones an optimist, congratulated the new movement 
 on its courage, its altruism, its high nobility of pur- 
 pose, and managed, before sitting down, to intimate 
 very defiantly that unless labour seized this unique 
 opportunity, then labour must be left to shift for 
 itself, and could no longer expect any assistance 
 from him. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen ! " said Erb distinctly, — the 
 promise of listening to a voice that could be heard 
 without difficulty aroused the hall, — " I should be glad 
 if the gentleman who spoke last could spare just 
 three minutes of his time, and refrain for that space 
 from making a hurried and somewhat undignified 
 departure from the hall." The clergyman, who had 
 adopted the crouching attitude of those who desire 
 to escape furtively from close confinement, returned 
 and sat, his back straightened. " He has spoke — I 
 should say, he has spoken — in a patronising way 
 of labour, and I want to tell him that we resent very 
 strongly his condescending and almost contemptuous 
 words." 
 
 His predecessor rose and said, " May it please 
 your " 
 
 " No, no, no ! " said Erb, with but slight modifica- 
 tion of his Southwark Park manner, " I didn't 
 
i84 ERB 
 
 interrupt the reverend gentleman, and I'm not 
 going to allow him to interrupt me, or to assume 
 the duties, your Grace," with a nod to the Chair, 
 " which you perform with such conspicuous charm 
 and ability." 
 
 The Duchess, who, fearing a row, had been 
 anxiously consulting those around her in order to 
 gain hints as to procedure, recovered confidence on 
 receiving this compliment, and gave a sigh of relief. 
 Men at the table below adjusted black leaves of 
 carbonic paper and began to write. 
 
 " Now, I've been into the details almost as care- 
 fully as the reverend gentleman has, and what I want 
 to say, in order that this audience should not con- 
 sider that we are absolutely silly fools, is that, so 
 far from this movement having been arranged in 
 order to benefit the workers exclusively, it is very 
 clear to me that there's a few behind the scenes who 
 are going to make a bit out of it." 
 
 One cry of approval came from the distant gallery, 
 but this scarcely counted, for it was a voice that 
 had applauded contrary statements with the same 
 decision. Erb was acquainted with the owner of 
 the voice, a queer old crank, who went about to 
 public meetings, more than content if in the Free 
 Library the next day he should find but one of his 
 solitary cries of " Hear, hear ! " reported in the daily 
 Press. 
 
ERB 185 
 
 " I've no doubt they feel pretty certain of a safe 
 eight or ten per cent. ; if they didn't, this meeting 
 would never have been held, and we should have 
 been denied the. pleasure of listening to that lucid 
 and illuminating speech with which your Grace has 
 favoured us, I say this that the previous speaker 
 may see and that you all may recognise the fact that 
 if those I represent give the cause any assistance, we 
 do so with our eyes wide open, and that we are not 
 blindfolded by the cheap flannel sort of arguments 
 to which we have just listened. But let me go on. 
 Because this is going to be a soft thing for the 
 capitalist, it by no means follows that it is going to 
 be a hard thing for the worker. On the contrary, I 
 can see — or I think 1 can see — that this is likely to 
 benefit both of us. (Cheers.) And whilst I repudiate 
 the attitude and the arguments of the last speaker, 
 I promise you that I am prepared to do all I can 
 for the scheme — (cheers) — not in the interests of 
 capital, for capital can look after itself, but in the 
 interests of labour, which sometimes wants a lot of 
 looking after. Your Grace, I beg to second the 
 resolution." 
 
 The Hall liked the brevity of the speech ; the sub- 
 sequent speakers made genial references to it, and 
 the Duchess, in acknowledging a vote of thanks, 
 repaid Erb for his compliment to herself by prophesy- 
 ing that Mr. Barnes would prove a pillar of strength 
 
1 86 E|RB 
 
 to the cause, declaring graciously that she should 
 watch his career with interest, and gave him a fierce 
 smile that seemed to hint that this in itself was 
 sufficient to ensure success. (Later, when he said 
 good-bye, the Duchess called him Mr. Blenkinsop, 
 and begged him to convey her kindest regards to his 
 dear wife.) 
 
 " I wonder," said a gentleman with concave specta- 
 cles, " I wonder, now, whether you have a card about 
 you?" 
 
 " Going to do a trick ? " asked Erb. 
 
 " Here's mine. Have you ever thought of entering 
 the House ? Don't happen to be Welsh, I suppose, 
 by any chance ? Ah ! a pity ! " 
 
 For a moment it occurred to Erb that this might 
 be a sample of aristocratic chaff; he stopped his 
 retort on seeing that the other was talking with 
 perfect seriousness. "But something may happen 
 at any moment. We live in strange times." 
 
 " We always do," said Erb. 
 
 " I shall keep you in my mind." 
 
 Lady Frances eluded some dowagers who were 
 bearing down upon her, and came to him ; she took 
 an envelope from a pretty hiding-place. 
 
 " My uncle particularly begged me to give you this. 
 You were so good, Mr. Barnes. (Don't open it until 
 you get home.) Your speech was just what one 
 wanted. You quite cleared the air." 
 
ERB 187 
 
 "Afraid I should clear the 'all." Lady Frances 
 seemed not to comprehend, and the knowledge came 
 to Erb that he had missed an aspirate. 
 
 " My uncle will be so pleased. I shall be down at 
 Bermondsey next week, and I can bring any message 
 my uncle wishes to send. I don't bother you, Mr. 
 Barnes ? " 
 
 " Need you ask ? " replied Erb. 
 
 " You're not going ? " with her gloved hand held 
 out. ^ 
 
 Erb took the hint and made his exit with difficulty, 
 because several ladies buzzed around him, humming 
 pleasant words. The spectacled man walked with 
 him along Piccadilly, talking busily, and expressed a 
 desire to take Erb into the club for coffee — only that 
 the place was so deucedly uncivil to visitors. He 
 contented himself with the threat that Erb should 
 most certainly hear from him again. " I shan't lose 
 your address," said the spectacled person. 
 
 It was not until the committee meeting of the 
 R.C.S. had nearly finished the next evening that 
 Erb, in searching for a letter which some members 
 desired to see, found the note from Lady Frances's 
 uncle. He tore the flap casually, and, recognising 
 it, placed the opened envelope aside, and pursued his 
 searches for the required document. Spanswick, with 
 a busy air of giving assistance, looked through the 
 
i88 ERB 
 
 letters, and opened the communication which Lady 
 Frances had brought. 
 
 " Pardon, old man," whispered Spanswick con- 
 fidentially. "Didn't know I was interfering with 
 money matters." 
 
CHAPTER X 
 
 IT is the ingenious habit of Kentish railways, 
 directly that hop-picking is over and pay-day 
 is done, to advertise excursions to London at a 
 fare so cheap that not to take advantage of it 
 vi^ere to discourage Providence in its attempts to 
 make the world pleasant. Country folk, who make 
 but one visit a year to town, seize this September 
 opportunity ; some avail themselves not only of this 
 but of the Cattle Show trip later on ; a few also 
 take the pantomime excursion in February, and these 
 are counted in quiet villages as being, by frequent 
 contact with London, blades of the finest temper, 
 to whom (if they would but be candid) no mysteries 
 of the great town are unknown. Erb's aunt Emtna, 
 giving herself reward for a month's hard work in the 
 hop-garden, came up every year by the September 
 excursion. It happened on this occasion that the 
 day could not have made a more awkward attempt 
 to fit in with Erb's convenience. 
 
 "Well," said Aunt Emma, in the 'bus, desolately, 
 " I'm not surprised ! It's what comes of looking 
 
 189 
 
I90 ERB 
 
 forward to anything. When I heard, as you may 
 say, you'd left the railway, I said to the party that 
 comes in on Mondays to help me do my week's 
 washing, ' I don't know,' I says, ' what to think 'bout 
 all this.' " 
 
 " Any other time, almost," urged her nephew, " I 
 could have arranged for the day off, but I've got 
 important work to do that'll take me up to nine 
 o'clock." 
 
 "Whenever I find a bit of a lad giving up a 
 honest living, I always say to Mrs. Turley, I say, 
 ' Dang it all, this won't do ! ' And when it 'appened 
 to my brother's own boy I turned round at once, I 
 did, and I said, ' I don't know what to ' " 
 
 " If Louisa had been quite herself, why, of course, 
 she could have looked after you." 
 
 " I'll get back to Lonnon Bridge," said Aunt 
 Emma grimly. "Reckon I shall be some'ing like 
 Mrs. Turley's eldest. He come up one November, 
 he did — first time he'd been to Lonnon — and it were 
 a bit foggy, so he kep' in the station all day ; when 
 he come home, he says, ' Mother,' he says, ' it's a 
 fine place, Lonnon is, but it dedn't quite come up 
 to my axpectations.' " The parchment- faced old 
 lady was pleased by Erb's reception of this anec- 
 .dote, and, gratified also to get a smile from other 
 passengers, she relaxed in manner ; Erb saw the 
 opportunity. 
 
ERB 191 
 
 "Tell you what we've arranged, Aunt Emma. 
 Louisa and me talked it over as soon's ever we 
 made out your letter " 
 
 " I don't perfess," remarked the old lady, " to be 
 first-class in me spellin'. 'Sides, I got someone else 
 to write it." 
 
 " And we decided that we'd get a friend of mine — 
 a friend of ours to look after you for the day." 
 
 "What's he like?" asked the old lady, with re- 
 luctant show of interest. 
 
 " It's a she 1 " 
 
 " Your young 'oman ? " 
 
 " I don't go in for anything of that kind," said 
 Erb, looking round the 'bus apprehensively. " Too 
 busy for such nonsense." 
 
 " Never knew the man yet," said Aunt Emma, 
 "that couldn't make time to get fond of some- 
 body." 
 
 Arrived at the office in Grange Road, Erb was 
 showing his aunt some of his newspaper notices, 
 when he heard on the stairs the swish of skirts. 
 He lost the remaining half of his remark. 
 
 " And you've been fairly walking out, then, as 
 you may say, with our Lady Frances ? " 
 
 " You can't call it that, aunt. I've only just been 
 paying her polite attention." 
 
 " I know what you mean," remarked the old 
 lady acutely. "Her grandmother — I'm speaking 
 
192 ERB 
 
 now of forty year ago, mind you — her grandmother 
 ran off with — let me see ! Forget me own name 
 next." 
 
 Erb answered the quiet tap at the open door. 
 
 " Good girl ! " he cried cheerfully. " Welcome to 
 our baronial hall ! Aunt Emma, this is the young 
 lady that's going to pilot you around. Almost 
 makes you seem," he said to Rosalind, "like one 
 of the family." 
 
 " I only had to put off three pupils," said Rosalind 
 quickly. " How do you do ? " 
 
 " I'm going downstairs to fetch coffee and scones 
 for you two," announced Erb. "Try not to come 
 to blows whilst I'm away." 
 
 "My sciatica is just beginning to wake up, as 
 you may say," replied Aunt Emma. 
 
 " So sorry," said Rosalind sympathetically. " It 
 must interfere with getting about." 
 
 "Thank you," replied Aunt Emma coldly. "I'm 
 able to set up and take nourishment." 
 
 " I expect your nephew has a lot of callers," she 
 said with determination. " He knows a good many 
 people." 
 
 " Be you acquainted with our Lady Frances ? " 
 asked the aunt in a mysterious whisper. 
 
 " I have just seen her," flushing a little. 
 
 " These upper classes, they don't stand at nothing, 
 as you may say, when " Erb returned, and the 
 
ERB 193 
 
 aunt, with the wink of a diplomatist, raised her voice. 
 " They paid eight to the shillin' this year ; it ought 
 to've been seven. I said so straight, all through the 
 hopping, I did, to Mrs. Turley." 
 
 The doors were to open at two for the afternoon's 
 entertainment, and the aunt's idea was that it were 
 well to get there by noon, and thus ensure the best 
 value in seats for a shilling ; Rosalind gently over- 
 ruled this, and they went first to Westminster Abbey, 
 at which the aunt sneered, saying it was not her idea 
 of a place of worship, and to the National Gallery, 
 in regard to the contents of which the old lady hinted 
 that they compared badly with a rare set of illumin- 
 ated almanacks which she had at home, issued yearly 
 by Deane, the grocer; the almanacks, it appeared, 
 had the advantage of giving the date of jolly nigh 
 every month you could think of. Trafalgar Square, 
 looked on as a square, the aunt thought not much 
 better than middling; the Embankment, in her 
 opinion, lacked many of the attractions that she 
 remembered once to have found at Ramsgate. But 
 when, later, they were seated in the front row of 
 the gallery in a small hall, and the curtain went 
 up, disclosing a crescent of black-faced men, with 
 instrumentalists behind them, and similarly coloured 
 gentlemen, with befriUed shirtfronts, at either end, 
 asked riddles of the gentlemanly man at the centre, 
 riddles of which the gentlemanly man almost alone 
 o 
 
194 ERB 
 
 in the hall knew not the answer, able only to repeat 
 the question in a sonorous manner, then Aunt Emma 
 relinquished all attempt of criticism, and gave herself 
 up to pure delight. "Can you tole me, Mithter 
 Johnthon, how a woman differth from an umbrella?" 
 " Can I tell you," repeated the gentlemanly man in 
 a deep voice, very distinctly, " how a woman differs 
 from an umbrella ? " 
 
 " Now 'ark for the answer! " whispered Aunt Emma, 
 nudging her young companion gleefully. 
 
 " No, sir," said the gentlemanly man, " I cannot 
 tell you how a woman differs from an umbrella," 
 
 " You can't tole me how a woman differth from an 
 umbrella? Why," explained the corner-man, "you 
 can shut an umbrella up ! " 
 
 " How in the world they think of all these things ! " 
 said Aunt Emma exhaustedly. " Dang my old eyes 
 if it 'ent a miracle ! " 
 
 Aunt Emma wept when a thin-voiced youth sang, 
 " Don't neglect your mother 'cause her hair is getting 
 grey," became hysterical with amusement over, " I'm 
 a gay old bachelor, widow." 
 
 Rosalind enjoyed the enjoyment of the old lady, 
 and when they came out into daylight, and went 
 across the way to a noble establishment, where they 
 had high tea, the two were on excellent terms with 
 each other, and information regarding small scandals 
 of Penshurst was placed freely at Rosalind's disposal. 
 
ERB 195 
 
 The old lady spoke in an awed whisper when she 
 came to the people at the Court, arresting a slice 
 of ham on her fork, as though sensible of the 
 demands of etiquette when dealing with the upper 
 classes. 
 
 " You're not married, my dear," said Aunt Emma, 
 loosening the strings of her bonnet and allowing it 
 to fall to the back of her head in an elegant way, 
 "or else I could speak more free, as you may say, 
 
 on the subject. That grandmother of hers " 
 
 The old lady pursed her lips, and glanced at her 
 reflection in the mirrored walls with a pained shake 
 of the head, ^ 
 
 "But," urged Rosalind, perturbed by the aunt's 
 confident manner of prophecy, "Lady Frances, I 
 understand, is engaged to a lieutenant out in North 
 Africa." 
 
 " Sooner he comes back," shaking a spoon threaten- 
 ingly, "sooner he comes back the bedder. I don't 
 want to go opening my old mouth too wide, or else 
 like enough I shall go and putt my foot into it. I've 
 said all 1 want to say, and I don't want folk to turn 
 round afterwards and say to me, 'Why didn't you 
 give us warnin'?' Strikes me, my dear, we might 
 have drop more hot water with this yere tea." 
 
 " Do you know her uncle at all ? " 
 
 " I know of him. I used to be upper housemaid 
 at the Court." 
 
196 ERB 
 
 "And what " 
 
 " I don't think no worse of him," said Aunt 
 Emma in a slow, careful, and judicial manner, "I 
 don't think no worse of him than what he's thought 
 worse of." 
 
 " I see," said Rosalind doubtfully. The girl was 
 silent for a few moments. She looked at the walnut 
 face of Erb's aunt, at the elderly dimple beside the 
 mouth, watched the old lady's cautious way of munch- 
 ing food, 
 
 " What you thinking of, my dear ? " 
 
 " Nothing, nothing," said Rosalind, arousing herself. 
 
 " You won't 'spect me to finish up these yere bits, 
 I hope," said Aunt Emma, looking at the crusts by 
 the side of her plate. "My teeth ain't what they 
 was when I was your age. Ah," with a sigh, " that 
 seems long time ago ! " 
 
 " You have never been married, have you ? " 
 
 "Could ha' been," said the old lady shortly. 
 " 'Twarnt for want of being asked." 
 
 "Why, of course not." 
 
 "Only chap I ever wanted," she said reminiscently, 
 " I let him go and get snapped up by someone else ; 
 silly bit of a gel that I was. I tell ye what 'tis ! " 
 
 People at the neighbouring tables were listening, 
 and Rosalind touched her wrinkled hand gently to 
 call her attention to the fact. 
 
 "Once you've made up your mind, as you may 
 
ERB 197 
 
 say, about a young man, you've got to be jeggerin' 
 well careful you don't go and lose him. Makes all 
 the difference whether you get the right man or the 
 wrong man, or no man at all. Now what about this 
 Drury Lane ? We'd bedder be too soon than too 
 late." 
 
 A wonderful old person for her age, and Rosalind, 
 made rather thoughtful for some reason by the con- 
 versation, had much ado to keep up with her as they 
 walked through Leicester Square and Long Acre in 
 the direction of Autumn Melodrama. When the 
 doors opened, Erb's aunt fought her way in with the 
 best of them, securing two seats in the second row, 
 and keeping strong men and insurgent women at bay 
 until Rosalind came up ; she ordered a very tall man 
 in the front row to sit down, and when he replied 
 that he was sitting down, Aunt Emma suggested 
 that he should lie down. Then the old lady loosened 
 her elastic-sided boots slightly, and prepared to meet 
 enjoyment. 
 
 A great evening. Aunt Emma confessed to 
 Rosalind, as they came out, that, say what you liked, 
 there was no place like London, and, but for the fact 
 that she wanted to save the bit of money she had 
 put away, she would willingly bid good-bye to Pens- 
 hurst and come up to town, spending every afternoon 
 at Moore and Burgess' and every evening at Drury 
 Lane. Outside the theatre was Erb. 
 
igS ERB 
 
 " Nice young 'oman, if ever there was one," 
 whispered Aunt Emma to her nephew. "Superior 
 manner, and all that." 
 
 "Thought you'd get along all right with her," 
 remarked Erb. 
 
 " I've been giving her advice." 
 
 " Trust you." 
 
 " Won'erful to see such quan'ities of people, about," 
 said the old lady, haling Rosalind into the discussion 
 as they walked along the crowded Strand. " Nothing 
 like this down where I live." 
 
 " Have you far to walk at the other end ? " asked 
 the girl solicitously. 
 
 " Not fur," replied the wonderful old lady. " Ony 
 'bout three mile and h'af." 
 
 The excursion train was nearly ready to start, 
 and Erb, finding an old acquaintance in the guard, 
 arranged for an appropriate finish to a great day by 
 placing his aunt in a first-class compartment. She 
 remarked gleefully that this would be something to 
 tell Mrs. Turley. 
 
 " God bless ye, my dear," she said, kissing Rosa- 
 lind. " And don't forget what I told you. Erb, take 
 care of her." 
 
 Rosalind wanted to go into the Strand telegraph 
 office opposite the station for a moment, if Erb did 
 not mind. Erb did not mind, and he waited. 
 
ERB 199 
 
 "As much as that?" said Rosalind to the clerk. 
 " Seems a lot of money." 
 
 "Well, you see, miss," replied the clerk apolo- 
 getically, "people don't telegraph to these distant 
 parts unless it's about something important." 
 
CHAPTER XI 
 
 " IV yr Y dear Mr. Barnes," wrote Lady Frances's 
 iVl uncle in a genial note, dated from a Pall 
 Mall club, " I am sorry my niece did not make my 
 intention more apparent ; possibly the mistake was 
 my own. I never dreamt of offering you, as you 
 assume, anything in the shape of a bribe. What I 
 thought was that, as one who had the interests both 
 of capital and labour at heart, I might be allowed 
 to make a small contribution towards any movement 
 in which you were interested. You mentioned once 
 an idea of starting a small paper; my small cheque 
 could have assisted in this excellent effort. 
 
 " I was glad to see your admirable speech so fully 
 reported in the newspapers. The new movement 
 owes much to your influential voice. I think we 
 shall want you to run down to Birmingham next 
 week, but the secretary will write you, and he also 
 will see to the expenses. If you will not accept 
 payment for your services, at any rate there is no 
 reason why you should be out of pocket over the 
 business. — Yours, with great regard," 
 
ERB 20I 
 
 " Reads fair enough," commented Erb. " I may 
 have worded my letter a bit too harsh." 
 
 From Birmingham the party went to Stafford and 
 to Coventry, all somewhat in the manner of a travel- 
 ling theatrical company, the party including, indeed, 
 some eccentrics which emphasised the resemblance. 
 There was an Irish barrister, who had hitherto 
 pleaded mainly at Cogers' Hall, and had a change of 
 temperament for every glass of whisky that he drank, 
 going up and up the hill of cheerfulness until a 
 certain number was reached, whereupon each suc- 
 ceeding glass made him descend slowly to the table- 
 land of contempt for the world; a young Oxford 
 man eager to make some alteration in the world 
 without delay ; and one or two safe men, who could 
 always be relied upon to say a few appropriate 
 words. Erb sent to Rosalind from each town press 
 notices, with crosses near to the reference to him- 
 self, until it suddenly occurred to him that these 
 signs might have two meanings ; afterwards he 
 drew a rather clumsy hand to draw attention to 
 the only item in the papers worthy of Rosalind's 
 notice. 
 
 Erb, now in the movement of life, experienced a 
 kind of restless fever unless he had some new project 
 in hand. He found himself hurt on his journey 
 back to town when he found other labour leaders 
 invested with the importance of print, and a news- 
 
202 ERB 
 
 paper which did not contain his name appeared to 
 him to have been scarce worth the trouble of setting 
 up; this was emphasised by the fact that the Irish 
 barrister, on seeing him off, had given him generous 
 compliment; patting him on the back, he had assured 
 Erb that the name of Barnes was one that would 
 be engraven in imperishable letters of gold on the 
 temple of Fame, and that he, for his part, would 
 never, never forget him. Small wonder, with this 
 feeling of self-importance, that Erb should give but 
 little attention to the fact that Louisa was at home 
 in Page's Walk, looking paler than usual. Louisa 
 remarked with her nervous movement of the head 
 that she was really only playing truant, having 
 made up her mind not to work so hard in future. 
 "They think all the more of you," said Louisa 
 acutely. 
 
 A storm seldom occurs without some premonitory 
 signs, and it was on the tramcar that took him to 
 Camberwell — no reason why he should go to Cam- 
 berwell other than his desire to see Rosalind, and 
 this would make him late for the committee meeting 
 — it was on the tramcar tliat the first warnings 
 appeared. Erb was seated at the back reading the 
 manuscript of an article commencing, "Brother 
 Workers ! " when two men in railway uniform came 
 up the steps, so keenly engaged in conversation that 
 they stopped half-way to settle some disputed point, 
 
ERB 203 
 
 barring the descent of passengers who wished to 
 alight. When, at the strenuously-worded request of 
 the delayed passengers, and the mild appeal of a 
 tame conductor, they were induced to move, they 
 scampered up, and taking seats immediately in front 
 of Erb, recommenced the argument. One was a 
 member of Erb's society ; the other, a man who had 
 obstinately kept outside. Erb would have spoken 
 to them, but that he was just tflen in a state of 
 ecstatic admiration over what seemed to him a well- 
 turned sentence in the article. 
 
 "Tell you what it is, old man," said the non- 
 member, slapping his corduroyed knee emphatically. 
 "You've been makin' a little tin god of the chap, 
 and, naturally enough, he's taken advantage of it. 
 You pass him votes of thanks, and what not, and 
 fill him up with soft soap, and consequence is, he 
 goes swelling about like anything." 
 
 " He wasn't far wrong about that South Western 
 business," remarked the other with meek determina- 
 tion, " and chance it." 
 
 "You can't expect a man not to do right some- 
 times. I ain't arguin', mind you, that Erb's a fool. 
 Far from it ! My view of the matter is, if you must 
 know " 
 
 " I never ast for your opinion ! " 
 
 " Never mind whether you ast for it or not. My 
 view- of the whole matter is that he's the only clever 
 
204 ERB 
 
 man amongst you. He's got you all on a bit o' 
 string. He goes away, as you mentioned, for a 
 week or ten days together, and never thinks of 
 communicatin' with you ; he gets his name in the 
 papers ; for all you know he may be playin' a double 
 game." 
 
 The conductor came up for fares, and the argu- 
 mentative man fortified his position by paying for 
 both. 
 
 "A double game. No, no! let me finish! And 
 all the time laughing in his sleeve at the lot of you. 
 I've known that sort before. I've met 'em. I've 
 come across 'em. I say no more," he added mysteri- 
 ously, and sat back, glaring at the sky. 
 
 " Well, but " The member seemed ill-qualified 
 
 for debate, and Erb was greatly tempted to prompt 
 him. "What I mean is What I was about to 
 
 say was 
 
 " He's a having you," said the other, smiling 
 thoughtfully at the sky, "he's a having you on 
 toast I " 
 
 "But what's it to do with you.'" demanded the 
 other, not finding the argument for which he had 
 searched. 
 
 " Nothing ! " retorted the other. 
 
 The member, taken aback by this unexpected 
 reply, could not speak for a few moments. He 
 looked appealingly at the names on the shops by 
 
ERB 205 
 
 which they were passing for a suggestion, and ap- 
 peared to find one in the word Goodenough. 
 
 " After all," he began, " for our purpose " 
 
 "Don't forget this !" interrupted the other. "Don't 
 let this fact slip out of your memory. It was you 
 began this argument. I never seeked for it. We 
 was having a glass in the Old Kent Road, and you, 
 or one of the others, began by saying that Erb was 
 growing a great deal too big for his boots." 
 
 " / never said it," growled the other sulkily. 
 
 " Did someone pass a remark to that effect, or did 
 someone not pass a remark to that eiTect? Am I 
 speaking the truth, or am I a blooming liar ? " 
 
 " It's one or the other," said the member cautiously. 
 
 " That won't do for me," said the non-member, now 
 in the sheer enjoyment of cross-examination. " I ast 
 you a straightforward question, and if you can't give 
 me a straightforward answer, why, I must draw me 
 own conclusions. That's all." And smiled again 
 mysteriously at the sky. 
 
 "Well," replied the other, goaded, "I don't mind 
 going so far as this. Certain things have been said 
 of late at certain dep6ts that I needn't name, and it's 
 all going to be brought up at the meeting to-night. 
 Mind you, it piustn't go any further." The other 
 man gave a nod intended to signify that he had 
 guessed all this. " And being meself on Erb's side, 
 and not wanting to be mixed up in anything 
 
2o6 ERB 
 
 like a shindy, why, I'm giving it a miss, and I'm 
 off down to meet the wife's brother at his club in 
 Peckham and spend a nice, quiet, sociable evening. 
 See?" 
 
 " And you," remarked the other thoughtfully, " you 
 call yourself a man ? Well, well, well ! " with a sigh, 
 " the longer we live the older we get." 
 
 "What are you snacking at me about now?" 
 demanded the member heatedly. 
 
 Erb went down the steps, disturbed by the news 
 which he had heard, but with also a feeling of elation 
 at the prospect of a fight. The small servant sluicing 
 the pavement in Southampton Street informed him, 
 after a word of reproof for always coming when she 
 was trying to clean up, that the Professor was alone 
 in the house ; Rosalind was out giving lessons at 
 a school for superior young ladies at Brixton. Pro- 
 fessor full of a kind of stale enthusiasm concerning 
 a new project, which was to take a theatre or a town 
 hall or a room or something and give costume recitals, 
 grave and gay, and to keep on at it night after night 
 until people found themselves forced to come in their 
 thousands ; the Professor seemed to have worked this 
 out as though it were a scheme for winning gold at 
 Monte Carlo,, and he had already decided what he 
 should do with the enormous profits. Difficulty was 
 to select from the many suburbs of London one place 
 which should be favoured with the experiment; 
 
ERB 207 
 
 another difficulty (but this he seemed to think of less 
 importance) consisted in the fact that, from inquiries 
 he had caused to be made, it appeared that^ those 
 who controlled the letting of public premises had a 
 distrustful habit of requiring the rent in advance. 
 Erb, in answer to a question, declared that he had no 
 sort of influence in the City, and suggested it was not 
 a bad idea to start saving money before one talked so 
 much of spending it; the Professor glanced at him 
 quickly. Erb added, in tones of apology, that it was 
 of course not for him to dictate ; the Professor con- 
 sidered the matter for a while with one hand twirling 
 his hair, and then, illuminated, announced his inten- 
 tion of taking off his coat to the work. As a first step, 
 he proposed to take a cab to Throgmorton Street, 
 and have a good look round. Erb suggested a 'bus, 
 and the Professor replied that undertakings of this 
 kind had to be carried through with a certain amount 
 of dash and spirit which could not be done under one- 
 and-six, or, at the very least, one-and-three. For 
 this sum Erb compounded, and the Professor made a 
 note of the amount on the back of an envelope that 
 a treacherous memory should not play tricks ; the 
 message for Rosalind he could trust to his mind. He 
 was working like a bonded slave, he added, on behalf 
 of his little girl : she was fortunate, indeed, in having 
 a father who could keep accounts. Erb restrained 
 an obvious repartee, and the old gentleman, in his 
 
2o8 ERB 
 
 slippers, walked with him out to Camberwell Gate, 
 where, in the interests of economy, he proposed to 
 look in at a bar which had in its window a card bear- 
 ing the ambiguous announcement, " The Stage Taken 
 In," 
 
 Erb found that he had allowed the garrulous old 
 gentleman to detain him longer than he should have 
 done ; when, on reaching the coffee-shop in Grange 
 Road, he ran upstairs to the committee-rooms, he 
 could hear voices raised, and he knew that not only 
 had the meeting already commenced, but that a 
 contentious subject was being debated. The rapping 
 of Payne's hammer failed to arrest tumultuous speech, 
 and it was only when Erb opened the door that the 
 argumentative voices stopped. 
 
 " Fact matter is," said Payne, in the chair, rather 
 hurriedly — "evening, Erb, you're latish — fact of 
 the matter is this is one of them very peculiar 
 subjects where there's something, no doubt, to be 
 said on both sides. Let's get on to the next 
 business." 
 
 Erb went to his chair by the side of Payne and 
 took some papers from his pocket. He looked up 
 and down the table nodding ; his salutation was not 
 in every case returned, and some of the men glared 
 sternly at the advertisements ; Spanswick waved his 
 hand in the friendliest manner. 
 
 "There's the matter," said Payne, "the matter of 
 
ERB 209 
 
 starting a paper or a organ, or something of a sim'lar 
 nature. I call upon the secretary to make a state- 
 ment." 
 
 " I object," said a voice. 
 
 " That you, Lindsay ? " 
 
 " Yes, Mr. Chairman," announced a hot-faced youth, 
 rising from his seat, " it is me." 
 
 "Sed down,'' advised Spanswick audibly at his 
 side. "Don't make a silly young laughing-stock of 
 yourself." 
 
 This was sufficient for the fiery-faced Lindsay. 
 He was from St. Pancras, and an engagement with a 
 lady who kept a small laundry at Child's Hill had 
 recently been annulled at her particular request (a 
 circumstance he had related in confidence to every- 
 body). The Midland man having been driving about 
 London for some days boiling up his thoughts, had 
 decided that the world was managed on some erro- 
 neous system ; it behoved him to put it right. He 
 had come to the meeting with the vague desire to get 
 satisfaction by opposing something ; here in the dis- 
 cussion concerning Erb appeared a subject which 
 exactly fitted his requirements. 
 
 " I should like to say a few brief words on the 
 matter which we 'ave jest been discussing," 
 
 v" Question ! " cried Spanswick. 
 
 " I'll question you," retorted Lindsay heatedly, " if 
 you can't leave off interruptin'. I appeal to the 
 p 
 
2IO ERB 
 
 Midland men pfesent, and I ask whether they're 
 going to allow themselves to be sat upon ? " 
 
 " You'll be jumped on if you don't look out," said 
 Spanswick. The room began to take sides. 
 
 "You do it," shouted the other, goaded, "You 
 do it, that's all ! Try it on ! Have a dash at it, my 
 friend, and see what 'appens. You talk a lot, but I 
 vurry much doubt whether you can do anything 
 else." 
 
 Payne in the chair made himself heard above 
 the din of contending voices, and then, standing up, 
 shook the hammer threateningly. If they did not at 
 once stop their row, said Payne, he, as chairman, 
 would have to consider the advisability of jolly well 
 doing something; having given this vague threat, 
 Payne conferred with Erb in a whisper. 
 
 " Tell you what occurs to me," said Payne, with a 
 weak pretence of proclaiming an idea of his own. 
 " Let's hear what friend Lindsay has to say, and if 
 there's anything in it, why no doubt our friend the 
 secretary will reply." 
 
 " On a point of order " said Spanswick, rising. 
 
 "I should like to point out " began a Great 
 
 Western man in the corner. 
 
 " Seems to me that the proper course to pursue — " 
 said another. 
 
 The Chair hammered away noisily. A half-minute 
 of strenuous tumult, and the noise subsided. Lindsay, 
 
ERB 211 
 
 of St. Pancras, rose, buttoning his jacket, which done, 
 he unbuttoned it again, continuing this eccentric 
 action during the whole of his speech. Irritating 
 comments from Spanswick served to encourage him, 
 and he succeeded in recapitulating charges which it 
 seemed had been made by certain members, now coy 
 and reserved, against the secretary during the previous 
 half-hour. When, having made his fiercest rush, 
 Lindsay, of St. Pancras, showed signs of wavering, it 
 was Spanswick who pricked him again into fury with 
 a banderillo question to another neighbour : " But 
 what was the real reason why the gel wouldn't have 
 him ? " asked Spanswick, 
 
 Lindsay from St. Pancras, waving his arms ex- 
 citedly, cried now in a scream that they were paying 
 a princely salary to a man who thought he could 
 twist the Society round his little finger ; who went 
 about mixing with the nobs and getting his name 
 into the papers; who lorded it over everybody, or 
 tried to ; who, to put it briefly, and to put it finally, 
 was trying to push everybody else off the earth. 
 Lindsay begged to move that the secretary, Herbert 
 Barnes, be requested to hand in his resignation with- 
 out delay, and sat down, grumbling to himself in an 
 undertone, his head still shaking with excitement. 
 There was more applause than one would have 
 expected, applause being a thing that can be created 
 furtively by the stamping of feet hidden under the 
 
212 ERB 
 
 table. Erb rose. As he did so, Spanswick, with his 
 right arm raised, a reminiscence of Board School 
 manners, rose also, and claimed the attention of 
 Payne in the chair. 
 
 " I consider it a insult," said Spanswick loudly, 
 "to allow our friend the secretary to answer the 
 ridic'lous attack that has been made upon him. I 
 claim the right to reply on his behalf." Erb sat 
 down. " It's all very well for men to talk who've 
 never been tempted either by the attractions of 'igh 
 society, or — what shall I say ? — the allurements and 
 what not that titled parties, be they gentlemen or be 
 they ladies, can oflfer; but put them in our friend 
 Erb's position, and wouldn't they make mistakes the 
 same as he has? Course they would! Besides, 
 there's this to be said." 
 
 Spanswick, going on with elaborate replies to 
 attacks that had never been made, did not look at 
 Erb, preferring to direct his argument to the con- 
 tumacious Lindsay and his friends ; the cheers from 
 Erb's supporters which greeted Spanswick's start 
 diminished in volume as he went on. 
 
 " Drop it ! " whispered somebody to him. " Drop 
 it, old man, before you spile it." 
 
 When Spanswick came to a finish of his ingenious 
 Mark Antony speech the room was left with the im- 
 pression that charges of a very serious nature had 
 been brought against Erb, and that the principal 
 
ERB 213 
 
 defence to be urged was the fact of Erb's youth and 
 inexperience. Erb, recognising the damage that 
 Spanswick's advocacy had effected, started up to 
 argue the case from his own point of view, but he 
 was again anticipated by a supporter, this time by a 
 man on whose loyalty he could depend, although his 
 stock of discretion had limits. 
 
 " I claim the right to say a few words ! " shouted 
 the new man. The room cried, "Erb, Erb, Erb!" 
 being, it seemed, anxious to see if the case could 
 possibly be readjusted, and wishful, at any rate, to 
 see the effort made. 
 
 " Take five minutes," ordered the Chair. 
 
 " I can do it in under that," said the other gener- 
 ously. "If it's a case of argument by words, I think 
 I'm equal to it ; if it's a case of argument by fists, 
 I jolly well know I am. Understand that, my fine 
 friend ! " he added, addressing Lindsay. 
 
 Lindsay, of St. Pancras, at a loss for a good 
 repartee, suggested wearily that the speaker should 
 go home and fry his face. The room looked on this 
 as wanting in finish, and to Lindsay's confusion gave 
 it no applause. 
 
 " You come from St. Pancras, I believe ? Very 
 well ; I'll St. Pancras you before I've done with 
 you." 
 
 " Do it I " cried Lindsay, annoyed by the failure of 
 his retort. " You do it, that's all ! " 
 
214 ERB 
 
 Lindsay slipped from his seat, and, evading the 
 efforts made by neighbours to detain him, went 
 quickly to the side of the speaker. The Chair half 
 rose, his hammer uplifted. Erb stood up with a 
 pained look. 
 
 " Here I am," said Lindsay, offering his scarlet 
 face to Erb's supporter. " Now show us what you 
 can do." 
 
 The invitation was one not to be declined. The 
 loud smack on the scarlet face made Lindsay stagger ; 
 the next moment he had seized a wooden chair, and 
 the speaker had similarly armed himself. Voices in 
 the room shouted, Payne hammered on the table 
 before him, everybody, in an excited way, begged 
 everybody else to keep calm. Erb made his way, 
 thrusting aside the intervening arms, to the quarter 
 of the room where the two men faced each other. 
 Lindsay swung his chair, and the other guarded ; the 
 two chairs broke noisily, and left the two disputants 
 holding a single wooden leg. Spanswick remarked 
 that Lindsay seemed about as successful in under- 
 takings of this kind as in his love affairs, and the 
 St. Pancras youth brought the leg of the chair 
 viciously down on the head of his opponent. A red 
 line matted the hair ; the room filled with uproar. 
 
 " Stop 'em ! Keep 'em apart ! " 
 
 "Let 'em fight it out! Stand back and let 'em 
 finish it ! " 
 
ERB 215 
 
 " Leave off shoving me then ! I've got as good a 
 right to look on as you have. For two pins " 
 
 " The other one began it. He asked for it." 
 
 " I beg your pardon, he did nothing of the kind 
 whatsoever. Keep your elbows out of the way, or 
 else I'll serve you like he served him. Yes, and 
 quick about it, too ! " 
 
 The sight of blood excited all to the point of ill- 
 temper. Two, with the best intentions, held Erb 
 firmly, screaming to him urgent recommendation 
 to keep cool, and as Erb was the only man in the 
 room capable of exercising any control over the 
 members, there seemed no reason why the disturb- 
 ance should not go on for all time ; the arrival of the 
 landlord with a threat of police caused the two men 
 to loosen their hold of Erb, and he, with a fierce 
 remark condemning the stupidity of all, freed him- 
 self, and took charge of the proceedings. Ordered 
 Payne to turn the landlord out and lock the door. 
 Directed his supporters to resume their seats. Found 
 the decanter, the contents of which had been only 
 partly upset, and, pouring water into the palm of his 
 hand, bathed the damaged man's head. Commanded 
 Lindsay to stand away at the end of the room by 
 himself, which that young man did, to his own 
 astonishment. Gave orders to members of one or 
 two disputant groups, causing them to separate and 
 
2i6 ERB 
 
 occupy themselves with other duties. Whispered to 
 Payne. Payne went back to his chair and his 
 hammer. 
 
 "Friends," cried Payne, mopping his forehead, 
 " this meeting's going to be adjourned for 'alf a hower 
 so as to get cool." 
 
 The men went downstairs, and in the bar discussed 
 the tempestuous event with hushed voices, that out- 
 siders might not share the knowledge ; they were 
 uncertain whether to be proud of the incident or 
 ashamed. Erb told off two to take his damaged 
 advocate to a chemist's, and, giving no answer to 
 inquiries concerning his intentions, went out, and 
 walked up and down Grange Road alone. He saw the 
 whole case clearly ; admitted that his popularity had 
 received a shock ; recognised the true inwardness 
 of Spanswick's intervention, foresaw the difficulties 
 that would obstruct his path if he should lose his 
 position. Not seeing Rosalind this evening was, he 
 now felt, an augury of bad luck ; he would be glad 
 when the night was over and done with. 
 
 " This ain't my birthday," said Erb grimly. 
 
 Erb stopped at a furniture shop and tried to guess 
 the identity of a young man with hat tipped back 
 and forehead creased with thought ; the face looked 
 familiar, and it was only on approaching that he 
 discovered it was his own reflection in a long 
 
ERB 217 
 
 mirror marked in chalk, "A Rare Bargain. Late 
 the Property of a Club." He laughed and went 
 back. 
 
 " I don't want to make a speech," he said quietly. 
 The room had refilled, members conducting them- 
 selves with a studied decorum almost painful to 
 behold ; the smoke had escaped by the open win- 
 dows, and it was possible to see everything clearly. 
 " It appears that there's some dissatisfaction." 
 
 " No," said one voice. 
 
 "There's some dissatisfaction," repeated Erb de- 
 terminedly, " and it doesn't really matter much 
 whether it's grounded or not. No society can go on 
 like this with success under these circumstances. 
 I started this society " 
 
 " Earear ! " 
 
 "And I tell you candidly, I feel much more in- 
 terested in the prosperity of this society than I do 
 in the prosperity of myself. I'm a single man, I re- 
 gret to I mean to say I'm a single man, and as 
 
 a single man, I can find something else to do." 
 
 Members looked at each other with concern. 
 
 "That is why, Mr. Chairman, I address myself to 
 you, because you're an old friend and a good sort." 
 Payne blinked at the compliment. " And I hand to 
 you, old chum, this letter that I've just written out, 
 which contains " 
 
2i8 ERB 
 
 The room leaned forward to listen. 
 
 " My resignation." Erb sat down. 
 
 A murmur started slowly near the chairman 
 and went down the table, increased its pace and 
 its volume, and came back to Erb in the con- 
 dition of an angry remonstrance. Half a dozen 
 men rose. 
 
 > " I give notice," said Spanswick, " that at the next 
 meeting I shall move the appointment of a new 
 secretary." 
 
 " At the next meeting," said a Cannon Street man, 
 who had never heard his own voice raised in public 
 speech before, and seemed himself astonished by the 
 novelty, "at the next meeting you'll dam well do 
 nothing of the kind." The room roared its approval. 
 "We don't want a new secretary, because we ain't 
 a going to get rid of the old one. The position 
 isn't vacant. I move, Mr. Chairman, or second, or 
 whatever you call it, that that letter what you've got 
 in your hand be given back to our friend Erb, and 
 that he be asked or invited or requested — I don't 
 know how you put these things — to tear it up and 
 forget all about it; I will now conclude my few 
 remarks by asking you to join me in a well-known 
 song." 
 
 The room sang the refrain with enthusiasm ; the 
 man with the broken head came, bandaged, and 
 
ERB 219 
 
 sang seconds, Spanswick, recognising that the game 
 for the present was over, beat time. 
 
 "That's all right, then," said Payne, when the 
 hurrahing stopped. " Now, let's get on to the next 
 business. ' Proposed starting of a new paper to be 
 called The Carman! " 
 
CHAPTER XII 
 
 THE incident revealed to Erb the fact that the 
 men's support and confidence had something 
 of a tidal nature. He had watched, sometimes with 
 amusement, always with interest, the state of other 
 leaders — from high water, when they could swim 
 luxuriously, to low water, when they were left stranded 
 foolishly on the beach; it had not before occurred 
 to him that he himself might encounter a similar 
 experience ; he determined now to make his position 
 as secure as possible. In this effort he relied a good 
 deal on the new journal he was preparing, the first 
 number of which was to bear on the front page the 
 words, "Edited by Herbert C. Barnes." Lady Frances 
 had written on the subject of labour a poem — 
 
 " Oh, horny-handed sons of toil, 
 Who spin and weave and dig i: 
 
 in mines.'' 
 
 Erb, summoned to Eaton Square to take charge ol 
 this (the risk of loss in the post being too great to 
 endure), had ventured to point out to the writer, with, 
 of course, great respect, that it would have been more 
 
ERB 221 
 
 appropriate to introduce something about kindness to 
 horses and the difficulties occasioned by the stress and 
 turmoil of traffic ; Lady Frances, listening with a 
 slight frown on her young forehead, answered that 
 she was much obliged, that she thought she saw her 
 way to another poem to be called "Sturm und 
 Drang," but she felt it would be unwise to touch the 
 first effort ; good poetry was always dashed off on 
 the impulse of the moment. 
 
 " Didn't know that," remarked Erb, with deference. 
 
 So poem Number One was to go in, please, exactly 
 as she had written it, and on the day the paper came 
 out would Erb oblige her very much by coming to 
 dinner at Eaton Square. 
 
 " Dinner ? " echoed Erb. 
 
 To dinner at Eaton Square, and bringing with him 
 one, or perhaps more, copies. Her uncle and a few 
 people would be present, and, to make the dinner 
 quite informal, they would wear morning dress. No, 
 no, please, no excuses of any kind. Lady Frances 
 was going to see her tailor in Maddox Street, and 
 she could give Erb a lift so far. The tall maid (who 
 was Miss Luker of the dance) being rung for, brought 
 in hat and cloak, and helped her young mistress 
 with them, giving no glance towards Erb, and the 
 two went downstairs together. Seated at the side of 
 Lady Frances, he was watched curiously by the 
 drivers of one or two railway vans, who, in their 
 
222 ERB 
 
 anxiety to verify what appeared to be a dream, 
 looked round by the side, allowing thus their blinkered 
 horses to peer into omnibuses and nibble at con- 
 ductors' hats, necessitating a swift exchange of the 
 kind of repartee in which the London driver is a 
 past master. When Erb stepped out at Maddox 
 Street and, raising his hat, started back to a point 
 whence he could walk to his office at Bermondsey, 
 he noticed that Lady Frances had a look on her face 
 that might come to one who advanced the cause of 
 millions and, by an act of her own, had made a whole 
 world glad. It would be quite unfair to suggest that 
 at this period Erb was by way of becoming a snob, 
 but it would be untrue to say that he had any objec- 
 tion to the soft, pleasant perfume, the well-bred air, 
 the gracious manner that he found with Lady Frances. 
 It is also right to say that directly he had left her he 
 began to think of Rosalind and of his work. At this 
 period sometimes one came first, sometimes the other. 
 
 He retained his habit of talking as he went along 
 the London streets, and in this way he often had 
 long talks with Rosalind of an extremely fervent 
 nature ; Rosalind helping him with a few coy ques- 
 tions, all in a way that had never yet found realisa- 
 tion ; his fluency in these rehearsals astonished him 
 sometimes as much as his inexcusable awkwardness 
 when he called at Camberwell. 
 
 " I'm a bit of a muddler," he confessed in Waterloo 
 
ERB 223 
 
 Place, "where women are concerned. In other matters, 
 now Look where you're coming, stupid ! " 
 
 Spanswick, red-faced, short-necked, and pimpled, 
 addressed in this way, was walking backwards in the 
 inconvenient manner adopted by some on crowded 
 pavements who wish to review scenes that have 
 passed"; it was a silken ankle stepping into a carriage 
 that had clipped Spanswick's attention, 
 
 " What ho ! " cried Spanswick. "Still a lordin' it, 
 Erb, old man ? Kind of a amphibious animal, ain't 
 you ? " 
 
 " I can swim ! " said Erb. 
 
 " The best swimmers get drownded sometimes." 
 
 " Not more than once." 
 
 " Talking of which," said Spanswick cheerily, " are 
 you going to stand us a drink ? " 
 
 " No," replied Erb. 
 
 "Ah, well," said Spanswick with an effort, "me 
 and you can't afford to quarrel. We've both got our 
 axes to grind. Whereabouts is Pall Mall ? " 
 
 "You're in it now. It runs up that way to the 
 bottom of St. James's Street." 
 
 " That's the best of having been a parcels carman," 
 sighed Spanswick enviously. " I was never anything 
 but a goods man, and I never had no chances of 
 getting amongst the aristocracy as you have. Other- 
 wise I should meet you on equal terms. How's the 
 young woman ? " 
 
224 ERB 
 
 " What young woman ? " 
 
 "Old man, don't let's go kicking up a common 
 fracas here. You never understand my style of 
 humour. This newspaper, or journal, or organ, or 
 whatever you like to call it — how's it going ? " 
 
 "Well," said Erb, returning to good temper, "I 
 find I'm having to do it pretty nigh all myself. 
 There's another column to do now before the first 
 number's ready," 
 
 "I'm pretty 'andy with me pen," remarked the 
 other. " I don't prefess to be a literary man, of 
 
 course, but I'll send you in a few items of 
 
 news." 
 
 " Ever so much obliged to you. Make 'em smart 
 and readable, mind." 
 
 " /'// make 'em smart," said Spanswick. 
 
 It seemed to Erb, on the day The Carman was 
 to appear, that something special of a less selfish 
 character than the dinner in Eaton Square should be 
 arranged to mark the event. What he desired was 
 to give an outing to Louisa — the short sister had 
 become too weak to take public promenade, and the 
 current young man had to shout to her of an even- 
 ing, gripping the railings in Page's Walk. Erb had 
 some daring thought of inviting Rosalind, and taking 
 them both up the river : this detail of the plan he 
 accepted and rejected, and accepted and rejected 
 again ; meeting Rosalind herself one evening in the 
 
ERB 225 
 
 strenuous fight for trams on the Surrey side of 
 Blackfriars Bridge, he, after protecting her in the 
 struggle up the steps, and allowing himself in the 
 carrying out of his duty to press the plump arm 
 above the elbow, submitted the proposal in a way 
 meant to be deferential, which, however, came out 
 quite brusque and defiant. " Ever been to Battersea 
 Park ? " he asked gruffly. Rosalind had never been 
 to Battersea Park. "Care to go?" Rosalind was 
 
 so busy that she feared " I'm going to take 
 
 Louisa." In that case (with a flush that went partly 
 over her face and then ran away) Rosalind would 
 be pleased, "Must be Wednesday next," said Erb 
 shortly. Wednesday was rather an awkward day, 
 because there was a pupil at half-past one who came 
 in her dinner-hour, and another at three. " Put her 
 off," commanded Erb. Very well, then, the three- 
 o'clock pupil should be off; Rosalind admitted she 
 would be thinking of the afternoon every hour of 
 the day until it arrived. Had Erb seen Lady Frances 
 lately ? " We can't bear to be apart," said Erb, in a 
 tone meant to be jocular. 
 
 There were times when the one thing certain 
 seemed to be that by no possible chance could the 
 first number of The Carman come out on the day 
 appointed. The printers did not place the im- 
 portance of the undertaking so high as Erb did ; 
 difficult to make them understand the necessity of 
 Q 
 
226 ERB 
 
 producing it on the day fixed ; the foreman of the 
 noisy, rattling printing establishment in Southwark 
 said frankly that the world having done without the 
 journal for so long, no great hurt could be occasioned 
 if it should be twenty-four hours or so late. 
 
 But on the day, their van drove up to the doorway 
 of the office where Erb and some of the committee 
 waited, and a minute later each man had a copy 
 in his hands, his eyes fixed on the gratifying place 
 where his own name appeared. Erb had taken in- 
 genious care to mention as many names as possible, 
 and, because of this, railway vans sent, say, from 
 Paddington to Haverstock Hill, made a slight detour 
 and called at Bermondsey for copies. There were 
 some misprints, and one man, whose Christian name 
 was given as John instekd of James, cancelled his 
 subscription instantly, prophesying a gloomy future 
 for the paper. Erb demanded opinions, and dis- 
 covered to his regret that nearly every line in the 
 small paper received condemnation from somebody 
 (personal paragraphs about high officials in the rail- 
 way world alone excepted), the fact being that the 
 readers of The Carman misapprehended the request, 
 aind as_sumed, when asked for an opinion, that they 
 were invited to give adverse judgment; a thing 
 that has happened with other critics in other circum- 
 stances. 
 
 But the particular copies presented to Louisa and 
 
ERB 227 
 
 to Rosalind extorted from these young women, 
 on their way slowly to Cherry Garden Pier, gener- 
 ous approval. On the pier, where they waited 
 for the steamer coming up from Greenwich, the 
 two ladies read again the printed references to them- 
 selves. 
 
 "Yours,'' said Erb importantly, fanning himself 
 with his straw hat, "yours is what we newspaper 
 people call a dummy ad." 
 
 " I can pay for mine," said Rosalind quickly. 
 
 "You'll do nothing of the sort," retorted Erb. 
 "Read it out!" 
 
 She read it with gratification on her young face, 
 Erb looking over her shoulder. The scent of brown 
 Windsor came to him. 
 
 " ' Miss Rosalind Danks,' " she read, " ' Professor of 
 Elocution, Declamation, Gesture, etcetera, etcetera, 
 Number so-and-so Southampton Street, Camberwell, 
 S.E. Schools attended. Private lessons given. 
 Assisted by Mr. Reginald C. Danks, formerly of the 
 principal West End theatres. " Shall we ever forget 
 his Montgiron ? " Vide Press.' " 
 
 " Now yours, Louisa." 
 
 A break in his short sister's voice betokened un- 
 controllable pride. 
 
 " ' We are glad to say that Miss L. Barnes, younger 
 sister of our secretary, is slowly recovering from a 
 rather serious illness.' First time," said Louisa, waving 
 
228 ERB 
 
 the journal in the air, " the very first time my name's 
 ever been in print." 
 
 " May I suggest, Mr. Editor," said Rosalind, leading 
 him to the iron chain that protected the edge of the 
 pier, " that it is a little clumsy to express satisfaction 
 at slow recovery ? It wasn't what you meant." 
 
 " Don't let on to her about it," urged Erb, distressed. 
 " I haven't got quite the hang of writing. Is there 
 anything else you noticed ? " 
 
 " Nothing of importance." 
 
 " Tell us," begged the anxious editor, " and get it 
 over," 
 
 "These personal paragraphs, headed 'What we 
 Want to Know.'" 
 
 " The men all liked them." 
 
 " A little spiteful," she said quietly. " Calculated 
 to hurt somebody. I shouldn't, if I were you. This 
 one, for instanc-e." 
 
 " We'll drop 'em in number two. Here's our boat 
 coming." 
 
 Some particular people complain of the river 
 steamers, but the Flying Arrow that took charge 
 of the three at London Bridge, and conveyed them 
 up under railway bridges, and past embankments, 
 and by the terrace of the House of Commons — Erb 
 waved his straw hat to his friend the white-haired 
 Labour member, and the Labour member waved in 
 return in such a friendly manner that other passengers 
 
ERB 229 
 
 became at once interested in Erb, and whispered (to 
 Louisa's great satisfaction), " Who is he ? Who is he, 
 eh ? " — by the Tate Gallery, and between unattractive 
 wharves. Nine Elms way — the Flying Arrow, I say, 
 for these three young people might have been a 
 gaily -caparisoned barge lent by Cleopatra; the 
 gramaphone that squeaked out songs in a ghostly, 
 unnatural tone of voice, a selected troupe from the 
 Royal Italian Opera ; the changes that the atmo- 
 sphere took from inexpensive cigars and cheap 
 tobaccos, the choicest perfumes from Old Bond 
 Street. The top note of satisfaction was reached 
 when Erb, invited to political debate by the self- 
 confident captain, worsted that uniformed official 
 with the greatest possible ease, sending him back 
 limp to the bridge, to resume a profession for which 
 he was qualified. Disappointing, perhaps, to find that 
 people on the steamboat who studied literature were 
 not applying themselves to The Carman, devoting 
 their minds instead to cheap Journals, which offered 
 German pictures (second-hand) with American jokes 
 underneath, not absolutely new. Erb left two copies 
 of The Carman, one aft and one at the other end, 
 and the girls watched results; a lad with a bulgy 
 forehead took up a copy and read it with languid 
 interest; he presently dropped it on the deck, and 
 a waiter in a bowler hat who came along at that 
 moment threw it into the river, where it drifted away 
 
230 ERB 
 
 helplessly. The other copy seemed likely to taste 
 more of success, for a woman seized it with every 
 sign of delight ; when she proceeded to wrap up a 
 pair of boots in the new journal Erb felt annoyed. But 
 it was not easy to remain in this state with a cheerful 
 young woman like Louisa, or with a more sedate 
 but equally agreeable person like Rosalind, and they 
 presently had the old game of pretending that they 
 were on a tour round the world, so that Nine Elms 
 Pier became Gibraltar, and a few minutes later they 
 were going through the Suez Canal, which others 
 called Battersea Bridge. On reaching Sydney (which 
 had no harbour to speak of, but possessed a wobbling 
 pier marked Battersea Park) they disembarked with 
 most of the other voyagers, some of whom had 
 decided that the three were either theatrical people 
 or not quite right in their heads. As they went up 
 the wooden gangway and entered the Park, Louisa 
 had colour in her white cheeks, and, declining assist- 
 ance of her companions, ordered them to take each 
 other's arm. Which they did for a moment only. 
 
 " Shan't go to that dinner this evening," said Erb. 
 
 " I think you will," remarked Rosalind. 
 
 " Catch you," said Louisa satirically, " catch you 
 missing a chance like that ! " 
 
 " I shan't go. I don't want anything better'n 
 this ! " 
 
 ('You'll have to," decided Louisa. "And come 
 
ERB 231 
 
 back and tell us all about it. I'd give anything 
 to see Alice's face when she hears you've been up- 
 stairs." 
 
 " I'd forgot about Alice." 
 
 " She's forgot about us," retorted Loijisa. " That's 
 the worst of tall people, they always look down on 
 you. How'd it be if I sat here for a bit and let you 
 two walk on and come back for me ? " 
 
 " And leave you alone ? " asked Rosalind. 
 
 " I can sit here and laugh at the foreigners," she 
 remarked. 
 
 Erb and Rosalind made Louisa comfortable on a 
 chair, and left her applying herself once more to the 
 intellectual delight of again reading through The 
 , Carman, with special attention to the paragraph that 
 concerned herself. Just before they went out of 
 sight of her, in going round the circle where bicycles 
 were swishing along, they turned and waved their 
 hands : she unpinned her straw hat and lifted it in a 
 gentlemanly way. 
 
 " I wonder," said Erb thoughtfully, " whether she's 
 going to make old bones." 
 
 " I shouldn't let her go again to that work of hers." 
 
 " If anything serious happened," he said slowly, 
 " I'd make such a stir about the business that they'd 
 have to shut up the factory." 
 
 " That wouldn't bring her back," remarked Rosalind. 
 
 "Back?" Erb stopped affrighted. "Why, you 
 
232 ERB 
 
 don't think — you don't fancy for a moment, do you, 
 
 that she's going to " They walked on quickly for 
 
 a while, "My goodness," he cried excitedly, "I'd 
 tear the place down for them ! There shouldn't be a 
 stone left ! I'd get questions asked about the business 
 in Parliament ! I'd organise meetings ! I'd make 
 London get white hot about it! I'd never let 'em 
 rest. I'd set every society at them. We'd get up 
 demonstrations in the streets^" 
 
 " Don't let's get cross about anything," said Rosa- 
 lind, " I want to look back on to-day when I get 
 into my dull moments." 
 
 " You never get dull." 
 
 " I suppose nobody's life is completely happy." 
 
 " I say," said Erb, walking near to her and speaking 
 in an undertone, " you never worry about that chap 
 Railton, do you ? " 
 
 " Not — not very often." 
 
 "That's right," he said, "You knbw there's no 
 man in this world that is worth a single tear from 
 your eyes." 
 
 " Don't talk about me as though I were perfect." 
 
 " You wouldn't be perfect," said Erb, " if it wasn't 
 for your faults." 
 
 They talked of Louisa, and reckoned up amusedly 
 her long list of engagements. From this Erb went 
 on to a short lecture on the time that some wasted 
 over affairs of the heart, urging that there were 
 
ERB 233 
 
 matters of equal or greater interest in life, such as 
 the joy of getting on better than other people, and 
 thus extorting the open envy, the cloaked admiration 
 of colleagues. He succeeded at last in minimising 
 the value of love to such a small amount that his 
 companion ceased to give any consenting words, and, 
 noticing this, he recognised that he was outrunning 
 her approval ; he had to hark back to the point where 
 her silence had commenced to hint at want of agree- 
 ment. They read the wooden labels on preposterous- 
 looking trees, and invented names of like manner for 
 themselves: Erb delivered a brief address from the 
 banks of the lake to the swans on the water, urging 
 them to form a society of their own, and to fight to 
 the last feather for their rights : they found a long, 
 broad avenue under trees that leaned across at the 
 top, and a perfectly new Rosalind offered, in a sportive 
 way that amazed Erb and gratified him, to race him 
 as far as a mail-cart, and Erb starting, took no trouble 
 over what appeared an easy task, with the result that 
 he reached the winning-post badly beaten by the 
 limping girl by several yards, forced to endure from 
 the baby occupant of a mail-cart a sneer of contempt. 
 They rested after this, and, whilst Erb fanned her 
 with his copy of The Carman, Rosalind talked of her 
 father, and, instead of becoming serious as usual 
 when the old Professor occupied her thoughts, told 
 with great enjoyment the story of a great week once 
 
234 ERB 
 
 at Littlehampton when they were playing East Lynm 
 with a fit-up company to such imperfectly filled houses 
 that it became certain there would be not only no 
 money with which to pay the excellent landlady 
 on Sunday morning, but scarce a penny to buy 
 food on Saturday. Of aforesaid excellent landlady 
 coming in on the Saturday night and making one 
 of eight people in the pit, and being so affected 
 by the performance of Rosalind as little Willie, and 
 moved to such anguish of tears by the scene, that she 
 bustled out between the last acts, purchased a sheep's 
 head at the butcher's, had a fragrant, gorgeous supper 
 ready for the Professor and Rosalind on their hungry 
 return, and came in after the meal, when the two had 
 searched once more for an emergency exit from the 
 situation, with formal announcement to the. effect that 
 she knew quite well they hadn't a shilling to bless 
 themselves with, that her native town in regard to 
 appreciation of the dramatic art was past praying for ; 
 that Rosalind was a little dear, and that, for her part, 
 if she touched a copper of their non-existent money 
 she would never again know a moment's peace : the 
 landlady begged two favours, and two favours only — 
 first, that she might give the little girl a good hug ; 
 second, that she might be permitted to stay up and 
 bake them a meat and potato pie that would keep 
 their bodies and souls together on to-morrow's 
 journey. 
 
ERB 235 
 
 They remembered Louisa presently, and went back 
 to the white-faced girl, who had found company in a 
 penny novelette left on the seat by someone tired of 
 literature, and who made them go away again until 
 she ascertained whether the young woman in the 
 story married the brilliant young journalist or the 
 middle-aged peer. When justice had been done by 
 presentation of the prize to brains, and the House of 
 Lords, resigning itself without a murmur, had given 
 its blessing and a cheque, she called them back, and 
 the three held council in regard to the dinner in Eaton 
 Square. Erb was still inclined to be obstinate, but 
 the two young women were equally determined, and 
 they took him across the bridge into King's Road, 
 where the committee purchased for him a new neck- 
 tie, the while they sent him away to wash his face 
 and hands. They left him presently at Sloane Square, 
 and went home to Bermondsey, because Louisa was 
 now forced to confess that she had become tired; 
 Rosalind having the evening free, and being anxious 
 to hear the report of Erb's experience in Eaton 
 Square, offered to read to her in Page's Walk. 
 
 Events progressed in Page's Walk to the point of 
 a cosy chat, where Louisa defied sleep in order to 
 recite to Rosalind in their due order the circumstances 
 of the many engagements from the respective starts 
 to the individual finishes, with imitations of the voice 
 of each suitor, and occasionally a parody of the gait. 
 
236 ERB 
 
 It was in the middle of a diverting account of Number 
 Five — who had at least one defect in that he had no 
 roof to his mouth — that Erb returned. The two 
 surrounded him, firing questions. 
 
 " One at a time," said Erb, good-humoured, because 
 of the unexpected joy of seeing Rosalind again. 
 "One at a time. There were small things at first, 
 sardines and what not." 
 
 " Hors d'ceuvres" said Rosalind. 
 
 " I daresay. Anyhow, after that, soup." 
 
 " Can't stand soup," remarked Louisa. " There's no 
 stay in soup. Go on, Erb." 
 
 " Now comes what I may term," said Erb, " the 
 gist or point of this anecdote. The lady with the 
 shoulders next to me— — " 
 
 " I should faint if I found myself going out like 
 that," declared Louisa, interrupting again. "How 
 anyone can do it beats me. It's like being caught in 
 your disables." 
 
 "The lady with the shoulders next to me turned 
 and asked me something that I didn't exactly catch, 
 and I turned round rather suddenly and said, ' Beg 
 pardon?' Knocked the arm of the girl who was 
 serving the fish, and as near upset the plate that she 
 held in her hand as didn't matter. I jumps up, and 
 then for the first ' time I recognised that it was 
 Alice." 
 
 " Wasn't she took aback ? " 
 
ERB 237 
 
 " Not half so much as I was," said Erb. " I suppose, 
 being rather a large dinner-party, they'd laid her on 
 extra. Of course, I shook hands with her and said, 
 ' Hullo, Alice, how's the world using you ? ' " 
 
 " Well, you are," said Louisa with horror, " absolutely 
 the biggest juggins I ever came across." 
 
 " But what was I to do ? " 
 
 "Do?" echoed the short sister. "Do? I could 
 have soon showed you what to do. All you'd got to 
 do was to take no notice of her. Ignore her ! Look 
 past her! Pretend she wasn't there! You'll never 
 get asked again, that's a very sure thing." 
 
 " I don't care," answered Erb. " I'm an awkward 
 chap in these West End circles. When I'm not in 
 'em I want to be there, and once I'm there I look 
 round directly for an open door to slip out of." 
 
 "And what did Miss Alice have to say for her- 
 self? " asked Louisa, coming back to the incident 
 with relish. 
 
 "Oh, she kept very cool, and she just whispered, 
 ' Sit down, Erb, and behave.' " 
 
 " That's her all over." 
 
 " They stared at me naturally enough, and young 
 Lady Frances seemed a bit upset just for a moment, 
 and nobody spoke for a bit, but after a while they 
 were all chatting away again, and the party with the 
 shoulders next to me began asking me what I thought 
 of the new woman at Covent Garden. Then I put 
 
238 ERB 
 
 my foot in it again," said Erb cheerfully. " I thought 
 she meant the market," 
 
 " How they'd pull you to pieces after you left," 
 remarked Louisa, sighing. " I can 'ear 'em saying 
 things." 
 
 " I can't," said Erb contentedly. "And if I did I 
 shouldn't care. What would you have done?" he 
 appealed to Rosalind ; " what would you have done, 
 now, in similar circumstances ? " 
 
 Rosalind, as she put on her gloves, considered for 
 a moment before replying. Then she leaned towards 
 him and touched Erb's hand. 
 
 " I should have done," she said, ".exactly as you 
 did." 
 
 There were several reasons why Erb should not 
 take her by the arms ; all these reasons jumped up 
 before him as he rose and made a step forward. He 
 stopped himself with an effort, and preceded her to 
 the door. They went downstairs, and he walked 
 bareheaded as far as the " Lord Nelson." 
 
 "You were never nearer being kissed," he said to 
 her ear, " in all your life." 
 
 " Please, please ! " she said. 
 
 Erb went back to Page's Walk checked and cooled 
 by this reproof. The prospect that he had had 
 momentarily in his mind of the small house close to 
 Wandsworth Common, with a billiard-table lawn at 
 the back, at a time when he, perhaps, would be in the 
 
ERB 239 
 
 House, unique among all labour members by reason 
 of having a wife who could be introduced with confi- 
 dence, was dismissed with a caution. 
 
 " Letter for you, Erb, on the mantel," cried Louisa 
 from her room. " It's just been sent over. Good 
 night ! " 
 
 A portentous envelope, addressed to the Editor of 
 The Carman. Erb sliced it with his penknife. The 
 large letter-paper was folded in three. 
 
 " Sir,— 
 
 " We have been consulted by our client. Sir William 
 Durmin, with reference to the libellous statement which 
 appears to-day in No. i of The Carman. 
 
 "Our client cannot allow such statements to be made, 
 and our instructions are to issue a writ without further 
 notice. 
 
 " If you wish to avoid personal service, please supply us 
 
 by return of post with the name of your solicitor who will 
 
 accept service on your behalf. 
 
 " Yours faithfully." 
 
 " Now," said Erb, " the band's beginning to play." 
 
CHAPTER XIII 
 
 IF publicity at any cost be a good thing for a new 
 journal, then The Carman had no right to com- 
 plain. The men belonging to the Society felt exul- 
 tant at references to the impending action : they were 
 defying capital as capital had never been defied 
 before: they told each other, when they met at 
 receiving offices and railway stations, that capital 
 was about to have a nasty show up, Erb looked 
 forward to the struggle with eagerness, until he had 
 a meeting with Spanswick, the writer of the para- 
 graph ; that amateur journalist admitted, at the end 
 of a keen cross-examination, that he had, perhaps, 
 erred in stating he knew the statement as a fact 
 of his own knowledge; remembered it had been 
 related to him by a chap of his acquaintance, who 
 was either on the Great Eastern or the South Wes- 
 tern, he would not swear which; confessed to the 
 now indignant Erb that he could no more place his 
 hand on this man's shoulders and produce him at the 
 Law Courts "than the dead." Erb told Spanswick 
 exactly what he thought of him, and Spanswick, 
 
 240 
 
ERB 241 
 
 penitent, declared that it would be a warning for the 
 future : he would not have had it happen for forty 
 thousand pounds ; if Erb required him to go into 
 a witness-box he would guarantee to say on oath just 
 whatever Erb wished him to say. This sporting offer 
 being declined, Spanswick went with downcast head, 
 examining the lining of his cap, as though hopeful 
 that some solution of the difficulty might be found 
 there. Once clear of the place he gave on the 
 wooden flags of a cellar in Grange Road a few steps 
 of a dance, which seemed to intimate that his regret 
 was but a cloak that could be discarded without 
 much difficulty. 
 
 No easy thing to keep up an attitude of hopeful- 
 ness before the men whilst searching uselessly for 
 facts to justify the Spanswick paragraph; but this 
 was a mere diversion compared with the trouble that 
 came the following week. Louisa was at home again 
 after a few days of work at the factory, and Erb, 
 going one afternoon to Page's Walk for some corre- 
 spondence, encountered the doctor who had called for 
 a minute to see her. The doctor was a breathless, 
 energetic man, whose fees were so small that, added 
 up, they only made a living wage by reason of the 
 number of his patients. 
 
 " Going on all right, doctor ? " 
 
 "Yes, thanks," replied the medical man, walking 
 rapidly through the passage, and brushing his hat 
 
242 ERB 
 
 the while, " Busy though ! Up to my eyes in 
 work." 
 
 " I was referring more partic'larly to my young 
 sister." 
 
 "Oh, she I Oh! it's what might be expected. 
 Hideous occupation, I call it. One of those manu- 
 factures that might well be left to foreigners. Good 
 day!" 
 
 " Half a moment," said Erb, placing a hand on the 
 doctor's arm, and speaking with great anxiety. " Tell 
 us exactly what you mean in plain language. Ought 
 she to be sent away again ? " 
 
 " You don't want to waste money," said the doctor, 
 glancing at his watch. 
 
 " If it's necessary for her health, I'd spend the last 
 penny I've got." 
 
 " Would you really? " The doctor seemed genuinely 
 surprised. " Well, then, perhaps she might get down 
 to the country or the seaside or somewhere." 
 
 " May be the means of saving her life ? " 
 
 " Oh," said the doctor cheerfully, " I wouldn't go so 
 far as that." 
 
 Erb shook him violently. 
 
 " Why didn't you tell me this before ? " 
 
 "Credited you with more intelligence than you 
 possess," said the doctor curtly. " Good day ! " 
 
 Louisa, resting upstairs in the one armchair, de- 
 clared that she had never felt better. True, she was 
 
ERB 243 
 
 tired, and had no appetite ; but, then, see what a good 
 thing it was to feel tired, and just imagine what a 
 save was effected by the absence of a craving for 
 unlimited meals ! Erb did not tell his sister what the 
 doctor had said, but his grave appearance hinted 
 something, and Louisa declared not only that all 
 doctors were fools, but went further, and asserted that 
 most of them were born fools. All the same, she 
 consented with some reluctance to arrange to go 
 away. Erb went down to see Rosalind and talk it 
 over; it seemed natural to go to her when there 
 was trouble. At Camberwell Rosalind, ready dressed 
 for public promenade, came half-way down the un- 
 even pavement and met him, with both hands out- 
 stretched, just by a granite cross. She had only that 
 moment been speaking of him to the Professor, and 
 the Professor had said that he, for his part, felt a 
 keen desire to see Erb again. 
 
 " But we won't see him," she said in a confidential 
 way that was very pleasing, "because he will only 
 want to borrow, and. I am used to his borrowing 
 from most people, but it hurts when he borrows 
 from you.'' 
 
 Erb explained the difficulty, and Rosalind, after 
 considering for a moment, announced a decision in 
 her emphatic way. School holidays would soon be 
 on; she wanted a good fortnight's holiday herself; 
 she would take Louisa away with her, either to Aunt 
 
244 ERB 
 
 Emma's at Penshurst, or, if the seaside were ordered, 
 to Worthing, 
 
 " Spoiling your own rest ! " 
 
 " Not at all, not at all ! " she answered decidedly. 
 " It's going to be, anyway." 
 
 " But why should you trouble ? I could get Lady 
 Frances — she'd do anything for me." 
 
 "No doubt!" 
 
 The young woman, after a few moments of reserve, 
 and in the presence of Erb's depression, became 
 brighter than usual, pushing away all her own 
 trouble, and talking of the Professor's last escapade as 
 though it were the best joke in the world. The Pro- 
 fessor, still declining in the service of the profession, 
 had recently been offered the post of baggage-man in 
 a newly-starting provincial company, with the added 
 duty of acting as understudies to the man who played 
 the old City banker in Act I., and the Chief of Police 
 in Russia in Act IV. Professor, with many protesta- 
 tions and frequent appeals to the shades of Barry 
 Sullivan and John Ryder and others, had accepted 
 the offer, and, securing on the Saturday night the sum 
 of ten shillings in advance for the purpose of obtain- 
 ing fine linen, appeared at St. Pancras Station the 
 next afternoon on the starting of the special, and 
 denounced The Banker's Blood Company, individ- 
 ually and generally, called upon Heaven to punish 
 them for the attempt to degrade one who had trod 
 
ERB 245 
 
 the boards long before many of them had been 
 allowed, mistakenly, to see the light of day, and 
 altogether making such a furious scene on the plat- 
 form, that the manager, consulting hastily with other 
 members of the company in the labelled compart- 
 ments, gave Rosalind's father another half-sovereign 
 to refrain from accompanying the party. All of 
 which Rosalind told in such a merry way that Erb 
 found himself for a time half-wooed from melancholy. 
 
 " That blessed paper," he said, going back to trouble 
 ruefully, " has got me in a corner the very first start 
 off." 
 
 " It wants fifteen minutes to the hour," said Rosa- 
 lind, looking up at the clock at the corner. " Let's 
 walk round the Green and hear all about it." 
 
 Erb went back to his office, feeling that the talk 
 had done good. Certainly it was a great thing to 
 find himself more hopeful in regard to Louisa; all 
 the same, he composed on the way a bitter, bitter 
 paragraph concerning the firm in Neckinger Road 
 and its occupation ; this seemed so excellent that 
 he had half a mind to turn it into poetry, but 
 there existed some difficulty in finding rhymes for 
 "murder" and for "dastardly," and he allowed him- 
 self on arrival to write it in prose. The copy for 
 number three being made up, he deleted a humorous 
 paragraph about a " Bricklayers' Arms " man, whose 
 wife had run away, and this made room. There was 
 
246 ERB 
 
 much in the lines themselves ; more to be read by 
 those who could fill up the blank places intervening. 
 Erb looked at it when he had crossed the t's and 
 dotted the i's with the pride of a man who, with a 
 mere dip of ink, could force moneyed folk to tremble. 
 A fine thing to have control in this way over the 
 printed word ! 
 
 It proved the more satisfactory to get on a new 
 grievance, in that he eventually found he had to step 
 out apologetically from the corner into which Spans- 
 wick's ingenuity had thrust him. There were, it 
 appeared, no grounds whatever for the statement 
 made, and in Essex Street, in a dim office with one 
 light, under which he had to sit, whilst the two 
 partners of the legal firm remained at the other end 
 of the table in the shadow, he underwent, perhaps, 
 the very worst quarter of an hour he had endured 
 since the time of school days. He had had to wait 
 some time whilst one partner was sent for by the 
 other. 
 
 " Then we may take, it, Mr. Barnes, that you with- 
 draw unreservedly every word of the paragraph in 
 question ? " 
 
 " That's so." 
 
 " And you are prepared to offer every apology and 
 every recompense that is in your power ? " asked the 
 other partner. 
 
 " Don't know," said Erb, " about recompense." 
 
ERB 247 
 
 " Well, then, every apology ? " 
 
 " I suppose I shall have to taste blacking," he said. 
 
 The two partners conferred for a time in an 
 undertone, the while Erb played nervously with 
 a paper-knife. When one of them spoke he held 
 his breath. 
 
 " If the paragraph had been copied into other 
 journals, if it had had a wider circulation than that 
 given by your insignificant paper, Mr. Barnes, our 
 client would have instructed us to go on with the 
 legal proceedings, and we should have asked for and 
 obtained heavy damages. If the journal itself was 
 not below contempt " 
 
 "Look here!" interrupted Erb, "don't you go 
 rubbing it in too thick." 
 
 " Sir William is a man with a large heart," said the 
 first partner, taking up a more conciliatory tone, 
 " and we shall advise him in the circumstances to do 
 the generous thing. You will print in the next issue 
 of your paper an apology." 
 
 "A most humble apology," remarked the other 
 partner, " terms of which you will permit us to dictate 
 to you. He will not ask you to pay the costs 
 already incurred, and you must think yourself con- 
 foundedly " 
 
 " He understands," remarked the first partner. " I 
 am sure Mr. Barnes quite understands. Now let us 
 see about drafting the apology." 
 
248 ERB 
 
 " I think I'd better see to that." 
 
 " Now, my dear old friend ! " urged the first partner. 
 
 An abject apology; the only encouragement for 
 Erb came from the severe partner, who recommended 
 several additions intended to make it of a more 
 cringing nature, but withdrew these on Erb's protests 
 and his partner's counsel. Erb signed, after a moment's 
 hesitation, and gave a word of relief when he found 
 himself in the Strand again : he knew there would 
 be trouble in convincing his committee that he had 
 acted throughout with wisdom, but he had so much 
 assurance in his own powers of speech, he had so 
 often taken difficult positions by reason of his own 
 generous ammunition of words, that he felt confident. 
 All the same, the affair would do him no good, and 
 a repetition would undoubtedly weaken his power. 
 
 Number Three of The Carman came out oppor- 
 tunely, for he was able to present a copy to Rosalind 
 and to Louisa on the day he saw them off from 
 London Bridge. They were going to Worthing, and 
 Aunt Emma, who had not viewed the sea since 
 childhood's days, was travelling there from Penshurst 
 in order to ascertain whether it had changed greatly. 
 Louisa had to be taken to the station in a four- 
 wheeler, and as she was helped along the platform 
 by her two companions through the rush of arriving 
 City men, the girl seemed proud of the notice that 
 her white face attracted. Erb recited the stinging 
 
ERB 249 
 
 paragraph that concerned Louisa's late employers 
 through the open carriage window when Rosalind 
 had made her patient comfortable with cushions. 
 Jwo of Louisa's sweethearts, friends in the presence 
 of disaster, stood away against a lamp-post, and 
 toyed with automatic machines. 
 
 "That's one up against them," said Louisa. She 
 tried to smile. 
 
 "If this don't have any effect," declared Erb, I 
 shall follow it up with something stronger. I'll never 
 let go of 'em." 
 
 " Shouldn't like the other gels to lose their shops," 
 remarked Louisa apprehensively. 
 
 "But you wouldn't see 'em all get ill like you 
 are?" 
 
 " I'm only pretendin'," said Louisa. " Besides, some 
 can stand the work and some can't." 
 
 "Make her get better," said Erb to Rosalind. 
 "Don't let her have her own way top much." 
 
 " I'll write to you very often," said Rosalind quietly. 
 " Let me know — let me know if you see Lady 
 Frances." 
 
 The violence of the paragraph concerning the 
 Neckinger Road firm helped to appease those on 
 the committee who showed uneasiness in regard to 
 what they called the " dinjb down." True, some re- 
 marked that the attacks on the Neckinger Road 
 people had nothing to do with the objects of the 
 
250 ERB 
 
 Society; but a carman who had been discharged 
 by the firm for sh'ght inebriety (" I'm a man that 
 varies," said the ex-carman. " Sometimes I may 
 have twenty pints, sometimes I may 'ave thirty pints, 
 and then other days I may 'ave quite a lot") came 
 and begged permission to thank them for the pubHc 
 service that the journal was doing, assuring the 
 committee, with the air of one having exclusive 
 information, that they would get their reward in 
 this world, or in the next, or in both. As the reports 
 from Rosalind at Worthing became less satisfactory, 
 so the fierceness of the attacks in The Carman in- 
 creased; but it was not until a paragraph appeared 
 headed "Wilful Murder ! " that Neckinger Road, after 
 taking the previous outbursts with a calm that sug- 
 gested it was either deaf or asleep, suddenly started 
 up and took action in a most decided and emphatic 
 manner. 
 
 Information . . . has been laid this day by . . . 
 for that you, Herbert Barnes, within the district 
 aforesaid, did unlawfully and maliciously publish a 
 certain defamatory libel of and concerning the said 
 . . . , well knowing the said defamatory libel to be 
 false, contrary to the statute in such case made and 
 provided. You are therefore hereby summoned to 
 appear before the Court of Summary Jurisdiction 
 sitting at the Southwark Police Court on the 
 twentieth day of October, at the hour of ten in the 
 
ERB 251 
 
 forenoon, to answer to the said information. Signed 
 with an indistinct signature, one of the magistrates 
 of the police court of the metropolis. 
 
 This, on a blue-coloured form, which a friendly 
 policeman left one evening when Erb was wrestling 
 with his brief leading article, and unable to decide 
 whether tb give a touch of brightness to the column 
 by the two lines of poetry from William Morris, 
 and risk offending a few subscribers who looked on 
 rhymes as frivolous, or to remain on the safer ground 
 of prose. Erb, in his attacks on the Neckinger Road 
 fifm, had begun to feel as a fencer does who makes 
 ingenious passes at the air, and he was so much 
 gratified now to find that he had at last struck 
 something, that he gave the warrant-oiificer some- 
 thing with which to purchase a drink, and had 
 a friendly chat with him concerning points of 
 law. Erb had to confess that he had not hitherto 
 understood that one had to appear at a police court 
 in regard to a charge of libel : the warrant-officer 
 increased Erb's knowledge by informing him that 
 not only was this the case where no damages were 
 claimed, but that the publication had only to be 
 proved and you were at once committed to the 
 Central Criminal Court to take your trial. 
 
 "There," said the officer with relish, "there the 
 Grand Jury has the first go at you, see .'" 
 
 " They can throw out the bill ? " 
 
252 ERB 
 
 " They can" admitted the other grudgingly, " but, 
 bless my soul," with a return to cheerfulness, " they 
 won't in your case. Then, in what you may term 
 due course, on comes your case. See? You can 
 either defend yourself " 
 
 " I shall." 
 
 " You knoyv the old saying, I s'pose ? " 
 
 " Never mind the old saying," replied Erb. " Get 
 on!" 
 
 "Then, of course, if you're fool enough to con- 
 duct your own case, you'll be fool enough to cross- 
 examine the witnesses for the other side." » 
 
 " That's right ! " said Erb. 
 
 " And a fine old mess you'll make of it," remarked 
 the warrant-officer, laughing uproariously. "Lord! 
 I'd give an ounce of shag to be in court when it 
 comes off." 
 
 " I'll see that it does come off." 
 
 " I've watched some of the biggest larks when 
 chaps have been trying to do this sort of thing on 
 their own that ever you can imagine. Sometimes, 
 when I'm a bit down-hearted over anything, or if 
 the wife's a bit aggravatin', I just cast my mind back 
 and " 
 
 The warrant-officer laughed again, and taking off 
 his helmet, mopped the inside of it with his hand- 
 kerchief. 
 
 "Never, I suppose," said Erb, a little nettled by 
 
ERB 253 
 
 this ill-timed hilarity, " seen a man in the witness-box 
 turned thoroughly inside out ? " 
 
 " Not by an amateur." 
 
 " Never seen him pinned down to certain facts, 
 never watched him being led on and on and on, 
 until he finds that he hasn't got a shred of a reputa- 
 tion, a remnant of a character, not a single white 
 spot of innocence, or " 
 
 " I like your talk, old man," interrupted the 
 warrant-officer, fixing on his helmet, "and I wish 
 I could stay to hear more of it. But take care you 
 don't wear your face out. So long ! " 
 
 Although the police of London are not infallible, 
 the first prophecies of the warrant-officer seemed 
 likely to prove correct. Erb, determined not to fetter 
 himself by legal knowledge, nevertheless found in- 
 formation thrust upon him, and this confirmed the 
 statement that the police-court proceedings would 
 be of a simple and formal nature. He regretted 
 even this delay, for he was eager to get to close 
 quarters with the firm, and he spent his days in col- 
 lecting evidence : walked about at night (taking in 
 Camberwell in the tour that he might look up at 
 her window), rehearsing the questions that he would 
 put to the firm, imagining contests of words with 
 counsel on the other side, contests from which 
 he always emerged victorious. Spanswick had 
 at last given up all pretence of being a railway 
 
254 ERB 
 
 carman, and had resigned his membership (this to 
 the relief of Payne and of Erb) ; Erb stopped to 
 think for a few minutes, when, looking out of his 
 office window one afternoon, he saw Spanswick 
 driving a single-horse van belonging to the Neck- 
 inger Road firm. 
 
 Nothing could be more gratifying than the notice 
 accorded by the evening papers to the hearing at the 
 police court. It happened on a day when little else 
 of importance occurred, so that two journals had the 
 item on their placards — 
 
 "ALLEGED NEWSPAPER LIBEL," 
 
 and one of them gave an astonishing portrait of 
 Erb ; " Sketched by our Artist in Court," declared 
 the legend underneath it, as though this were any 
 excuse. Railway carmen from all quarters some- 
 how managed to include Southwark Police Court 
 in their rounds- at the precise hour of the hearing 
 of the case, and when Payne and another house- 
 holder gave their names in for the purpose of bail, 
 they cheered, and on the magistrate threatening to 
 have them expelled, they cheered again and filed out 
 at the door. 
 
 " Let's have a bloomin' meeting," cried one. 
 
 The suggestion captured their fancy. Erb, coming 
 out quietly, found himself seized by two of the 
 strongest men, carried triumphantly to an empty 
 
ERB 255 
 
 South Western van standing in Marshalsea Road, 
 and hoisted up to the seat of this, whence, to the 
 obvious surprise of the two roan horses, he made a 
 speech. 
 
 " We'll stick to you, Erb ! " cried some of the crowd. 
 
 " Through thick and thin ! " cried the rest. 
 
 " Three cheers for Erb ! Hip ! hip " 
 
CHAPTER XIV 
 
 THE weeks hurried rapidly, more rapidly than 
 usual, for they were pressed with business. 
 The trial at the Central Criminal Court was over, 
 after a hearing that struck Erb as being surprisingly 
 brief, in view of the importance of the case; im- 
 mediately on the conclusion of the evidence and 
 the speeches of counsel, the Recorder, from his 
 scarlet-cushioned seat, where he had a robed Alder- 
 man and a knee-breeched Under-Sheriff for com- 
 pany, had fined him, courteously and pleasantly, 
 the sum of fifty pounds, or in default two months' 
 imprisonment. The shortness of the trial rendered 
 an organised demonstration of little value, in that 
 the men arrived outside the Old Bailey some three 
 hours after the case had been disposed of. Now 
 there is nothing more galling to the Londoner than 
 to be disappointed in his anticipations of a show, 
 and it required all Erb's tact to appease the in- 
 dignation of the men. 
 
 Erb had expressed a desire to go to prison (a 
 short purgatory in jail was no bad prelude to 
 
 256 
 
ERB 257 
 
 political life), but the men declined to hear of this : 
 they could not manage without him, he was in- 
 dispensable, they must have someone to look 
 after the Society, there was none to take his place. 
 Nevertheless, determined to do something heroic, 
 he insisted that his household goods in Page's Walk 
 should be sold up, and a scene thus contrived that 
 should attract public attention. Wherefore here was 
 an auction-room in New Kent Road, to which all 
 the furniture (with the exception of the bedding) had 
 been removed " For Convenience of Sale," and here 
 were as many of the railway carmen of London as 
 could spare themselves conveniently from their duties, 
 and here also were a few alert-eyed youths with note- 
 books and sharpened pencils eager to record some 
 incident so amusing that not even a sub-editor's 
 pencil should venture to delete. A fusty smell of 
 cocoanut wrappings in the long room, brand new 
 furniture giving an odour of polish, retained and 
 preserved because there was no ventilation except 
 that afforded by the entrance from the street; an 
 auctioneer, pretending to be good-tempered, at the 
 end of the room, high up and leaning on a rostrum, 
 with a flaring, whistling naked gas-jet that compelled 
 attention because every now and then it exhibited a 
 humorous desire to singe the top of the auctioneer's 
 silk hat. Erb stood by the wall, rather proud of being 
 a martyr ; his men formed a bodyguard around him. 
 s 
 
258 ERB 
 
 Close up by the auctioneer were half a dozen decrepit 
 old men, the habituh of the place, ready to snatch 
 a bargain, to become the intermediaries between 
 buyers and auctioneer, to knock out a sale, or, in 
 short, to do anything and everything except serious 
 labour. 
 
 " We have here," said the auctioneer, leaning over 
 his high desk and pointing with his hammer, " a very 
 fine lot — show No. 13, George, and don't be all day 
 about it — a very fine lot, consisting of a pianoforte. 
 Music hath charms, gentlemen, as you know, to 
 soothe the savage breast, and it's always a good in- 
 vestment from that point of view alone. George, jest 
 run over the keys to show these gentlemen what a 
 first-class musician you are." The attendant, first 
 rubbing the palm of his hand on his green baize 
 apron, stroked the keys from first note to last. 
 " There ! " cried the auctioneer, " there's execution for 
 you ! Many a man's been hanged for less. Now, 
 then, what shall we say for this magnificent instru- 
 ment ? Don't all speak at once. Did you say twenty 
 pounds, mister ? " This to one of the regulars at the 
 side. 
 
 , "Not being a blank fool," replied the musty old 
 gentleman, " I did not say twen'y pounds." 
 
 " Well ! won't anyone say twenty pounds, jest for 
 a start? Come now. You've all learnt some lan- 
 guage or other," 
 
ERB 259 
 
 " Four-and-six," said one of the carmen chaffingly. 
 
 "No, no!" said the auctioneer rather coldly. "I 
 enjoy a joke as well as anyone, but 'pon my 
 word " 
 
 "Five bob!" 
 
 " I'm very even-mannered," went on the auctioneer, 
 getting red in the face, " and I can stand as much as 
 most men. But " 
 
 " Five-and-six ! " 
 
 " Well," with resignation, " have your own way 
 about it. Five-and-six is offered ; five-and-six in 
 two places ; six shillings. I thank you, sir ! Who'll 
 say 'alf a sov', eh? Seven shillings! Very well 
 then. But do let's go on a shilling at a time ; I can't 
 take sixpenny advances. Ever heard the old story of 
 the girl " 
 
 Erb, looking round with a determined smile on his 
 features, saw Spanswick entering from the pavement ; 
 with him a gentleman whose eyes were watery and 
 whose gait was uncertain. Spanswick gave a casual 
 nod to the clump of men, and beckoned to Erb in 
 such an authoritative way that Erb crossed the room 
 when the pianoforte — Louisa's new pianoforte, that 
 she would allow no one to play — had been knocked 
 down for twenty-five shillings. The auctioneer 
 ordered his man to show the horsehair sofa and 
 chain 
 
 " My friend Doubleday," said Spanswick, intro- 
 
26o ERB 
 
 ducing his companion. Mr. Doubleday removed his 
 silk hat with care, for the brims seemed rather weak, 
 and in a husky voice declared himself honoured. 
 " One of the cleverest men in South London," whis- 
 pered Spanswick to Erb, "only he won't recognise 
 the fact. Educated, too ! " 
 
 "This is a noble action of yours, sir," said Mr, 
 Doubleday, trying to clear his voice. " Reflects the 
 highest credit on what I venture to term the man- 
 hood of South London. The newspapers will ring 
 with your praises, sir," continued Mr. Doubleday 
 in his husky tones. " Capital will sneak away, 
 abashed and ashamed in the presence of such a 
 brilliant example of self-sacrifice and whole-hearted 
 devotion. I suppose you haven't such a thing as a 
 pipeful of tobacco about you ? I've come out without 
 my pouch." 
 
 " Always comes out without his pouch," remarked 
 Spanswick admiringly. 
 
 "No, no!" said Mr. Doubleday, refusing with 
 something of haughtiness Erb's further offer. " I 
 have a match, thank you. I have no desire to be 
 indebted for anything," he drew hard at his pipe, 
 " for anything which I myself possess." 
 
 "Independent old beggar, ain't he?" whispered 
 Spanswick. 
 
 "My friend here gives me to understand — and I 
 have no doubt that his information is perfectly correct 
 
ERB 261 
 
 — that you have adopted this attitude because a 
 female relative " 
 
 " A sister," admitted Erb. 
 
 " Has suffered grievously. Assuming that to be 
 the case, I can only say that I am proud to grasp 
 your hand, sir, and that I desire your acquaintance." 
 
 "It ain't many he'd say that to," whispered 
 Spanswick. 
 
 "I want all the friends I've got just now," said 
 Erb. 
 
 "The lines of Longfellow," said Mr. Doubleday 
 condescendingly, "spring readily to one's mind." 
 The hammer of the auctioneer went down with a 
 startling crack; something that he said made the 
 group of men laugh, and Erb was called by them to 
 hear it. "'We can make our lives sublime, and' 
 umpty, umpty, umpty, umpty, ' footsteps on the sands 
 of time,' " quoted Mr. Doubleday. 
 
 " I must hop off," said Spanswick. " Hasn't he got 
 a marvellous memory ? " 
 
 " You'll take your friend with you ? " said Erb. 
 
 "No," said Spanswick rather awkwardly, "I'll leave 
 him. Fancy he's got something to say to you." 
 
 Erb was glad to leave the gas-heated .auction- 
 rooms, and would have been content with no other 
 company but his own ; he had been acting in a hot, 
 tempestuous way of late, and he felt anxious, now 
 that this business was over, to review it calmly. 
 
262 ERB 
 
 Anxious, also, to think of Louisa, and Rosalind. But 
 Mr. Doubleday stuck to him, and when Erb entered 
 the Enterprise Dining Rooms, in New Kent Road, 
 Doubleday followed him to the pew, and sat down 
 opposite. Erb gave his order to the girl as she 
 rested the palms of her red hands on the table; 
 when she turned to the other, Doubleday said, as- 
 suming the manner of a complaisant guest, that he 
 would have the same. 
 
 " Fate," he said, hanging the deplorable silk hat on 
 a wooden peg, " fate has thrown us together, sir, in a 
 most remarkable way." 
 
 " Thought it was Spanswick," remarked Erb. 
 
 " Most inscrutable, the workings of Providence. 
 Stagger even me at times." 
 
 " You don't mean that ? " said Erb. 
 
 " Positive truth ! " declared Mr. Doubleday. " Now 
 this meeting with you, for instance. If it had been 
 planned it couldn't have happened more fortunately. 
 Because I have information to give you of the very 
 highest possible value. It means, my dear sir, an 
 
 absolute epoch-making event in your life, and 
 
 Ah ! roast beef and Yorkshire pudding ! Reminds 
 me of my young days, when I was a bit of a 
 boy " 
 
 Mr. Doubleday, with heavy jest and leaden-footed 
 reminiscence, took the duty of conversation upon 
 himself, evidently feeling that he was a bright, divert- 
 
ERB 263 
 
 ing companion, one who just for his exceptional 
 powers as a raconteur well deserved to be asked out to 
 dine. His stories were so long, and the telling of 
 them so complicated, that Erb was able to allow his 
 mind to concentrate itself on his own affairs. He 
 had taken a desperate step ; the reaction was setting 
 in, and he began to wonder whether he had been 
 precisely right. Something to feel that whatever he 
 did, right or wrong, he had the solid, obstinate, un- 
 reasoning support of the men ; one could, of course, 
 count upon this ; the greater the misfortune he en- 
 countered, the more faithful and obedient would they 
 become. There could be no doubt about that. Be- 
 sides, they had nobody else to guide them. He was, 
 as they had admitted, the one, the necessary man. 
 So that was satisfactory enough. 
 
 " Joking apart," said Mr. Doubleday, snapping his 
 finger and thumb to secure the attention of the 
 waitress ; " let's come to business. (Cabinet pudding, 
 my dear. I daresay my genial host will take the 
 same.) You must understand, please, that what I 
 am about to submit to you is, as we say in law, 
 entirely without prejudice." 
 
 " Are you a lawyer ? " 
 
 " I used to be in a second-hand bookseller's.. Now,, 
 I suppose I'm right in assuming that you could, if 
 necessary, place your haads on a certain sum of 
 money ? " 
 
264 ERB 
 
 " I could." 
 
 "About how much shall we say?" asked Mr. 
 Doubleday engagingly. 
 
 Erb counted the money in his pocket. 
 
 " Twelve shillings and ninepence." 
 
 " I appreciate the humour of that remark," said 
 Mr. Doubleday in his husky voice, "but I want to 
 talk business. I'm a plain, straightforward man, and 
 what I want to know is simply this : Is there a five- 
 pound note flying about ? " 
 
 "If there was," said Erb, " I should catch it." 
 
 " There's the benefit money," said the other, look- 
 ing at himself curiously in the hollow of a spoon, 
 
 "the benefit money to borrow from, and Yes, 
 
 yes ! I know what you are going to say, and I quite 
 agree with you. I think you're most decidedly in 
 the right. Far be it from me to suggest for a single 
 moment " 
 
 "I'm getting tired of you," interrupted Erb 
 suddenly. " I wish you'd take your hook and go 
 away. Your face worries me, and your talk makes 
 my head ache." 
 
 " Then it's time I came to close quarters. Listen 
 to me!" Mr. Doubleday leaned his elbows on the 
 table, and, bending forward, shielded his mouth with 
 his hand that words might not go astray. " This is 
 the situation. A man, a young man, takes up a 
 certain high-minded attitude in regard to a certain 
 
ERB 265 
 
 firm ; gets hauled up for libel ; gets fined. His 
 Society comes to his rescue. Newspapers have para- 
 graphs applauding him. So far, so good! Great 
 thing to show up, as far as he can, dangerous trades. 
 But he forgets, or he pretends to forget — doesn't 
 matter which — that not so long ago he, this same 
 young man, went all over the country, making 
 speeches in favour of a syndicate that called itself 
 something or other " 
 
 "I don't ask your permission before I open my 
 mouth," cried Erb heatedly. 
 
 "True, my lad, true! You can go further than 
 that. You can say that you didn't do so without 
 being bribed to do it." 
 
 " Bribed ? " Erb rose at the table and clenched his 
 fist. 
 
 "Keep cool," said Mr. Doubleday, making a 
 military tent of his two hands. "There's no extra 
 charge for sitting down." 
 
 " Let me know what you mean by saying that I've 
 been bribed." 
 
 " I should have thought that you would have 
 known the meaning of the term by this time. 
 B-r-i-b-e is a word meaning the sum accepted for 
 doing work that you had no business to do. We 
 can easily verify it." He snapped his fingers. " Got 
 a dictionary, my dear ? " 
 
 " To eat ? " asked the waitress. 
 
266 ERB 
 
 " A dictionary," he repeated, with impatience. 
 
 " We've got an old London Directory." 
 
 "Never mind about the exact definition of the 
 word," said Erb steadily, "Tell me at once what 
 you mean by your accusation." 
 
 " Have you ever in all your life seen a cheque for 
 twenty pounds ? " 
 
 "Yes!" 
 
 " Made payable to yourself? " 
 
 "Yes!" 
 
 " And signed by " 
 
 " Yes, yes, go on." 
 
 " Nothing more to say," remarked Doubleday, 
 pushing away his empty plate. " There's an end of 
 the matter. Only it's rather a pretty circumstance 
 altogether, don't you think? This self-sacrificing 
 chap, who has allowed himself to be sold up publicly 
 as a protest against harmful trades, is the same man 
 who earlier in the year was speaking throughout the 
 length and breadth of the land in support of trades 
 infinitely more harmful than the one carried on in 
 Neckinger Road. And," here Doubleday took down 
 his elderly silk hat and made elaborate pretence of 
 smoothing the nap, "getting uncommonly well paid 
 for it, too. Nice situation, isn't it ? " 
 
 "There's a very good answer to the charge you 
 bring against me," said Erb, trying to keep his 
 temper, " but there's no earthly reason why I should 
 
ERB 267 
 
 give it. I'm not responsible to you ; I am responsible 
 to my Society." 
 
 " Ah," cried^Doubleday, putting his hat on jauntily, 
 " glad you recognise that." 
 
 " I do recognise it." 
 
 " And having recognised it, you see that it would 
 be very much to your interest that the unfortunate 
 transaction should be kept dark." 
 
 " Not at all ! " 
 
 "In which case," here Doubleday stood up ready 
 to go, and slapped his foot with his bamboo cane, 
 "in which case you'd better come, my lad, to 
 this place" — he offered a worn and travelled card 
 with two addresses ruled out and a third written in 
 — "before six o'clock to-night. Before six o'clock, 
 mind. A minute past will be too late. And — er^ — 
 bring that five-pound note along with you." 
 
 He walked jauntily up the aisle of the dining- 
 rooms to the street door; when the waitress flew 
 after him, he whispered a few words and pointed 
 back at Erb with his cane. 
 
 " Is that right ? " demanded the waitress breath- 
 lessly of Erb, " is that right that you pay ? " 
 
 " Looks like it ! " replied Erb moodily. 
 
 The threat did good in one way in that it aroused 
 alt his fighting instincts and that it diverted his mind 
 from Worthing. Going down Walworth Road he 
 rehearsed the expected scene, striking the palm of 
 
268 ERB 
 
 one hand with the fist of the other, and scoring with 
 great neatness over Spanswick and other opponents. 
 Women at the stalls stopped in their loud declara- 
 tion of the admirable character of their goods to 
 watch the excited young man as he went> by, and 
 remarked to each other that he was evidently in 
 love ; an excuse that in their eyes justified any and 
 every sign of queer behaviour. On the way back 
 (after walking up and down near the garden of 
 monumental statuary and glancing each time at her 
 window), he met the Professor, and for the sheer 
 pleasure of talking of her engaged him in conversa- 
 tion. The Professor deplored the fact that after you 
 had given the best years of your life to the education 
 of an only child she should go off to the seaside for 
 a holiday without so much as thinking for a moment 
 of taking you with her, and asked Erb whether he 
 had half a crown about him in exchange for two 
 separate shillings and a sixpence. On Erb producing 
 this coin, the Professor found, with many expressions 
 of deep regret, that he had left the smaller pieces in 
 a waistcoat at home. 
 
 "But I shan't forget, my dear chap," said the 
 Professor, raising his hand for a stage clasp. " I 
 am one of those who never permit a kindness to 
 escape from their memory. Only I hate to be 
 badgered. That ungrateful young scamp, Railton, 
 
ERB 269 
 
 for instance. What have I not done, or rather what 
 have I not promised to do for him ! " 
 
 " Daresay ! " 
 
 " Engaged atone time to my accomplished daughter." 
 
 " But what about him ? " 
 
 " I am not romancing," said the Professor impres- 
 sively. " I'm simply giving you the downright honest, 
 blunt straightforward truth when I tell you that he 
 wrote this morning asking me for two pounds on 
 the plea that he had become married at the be- 
 ginning of the week to a publican's daughter at 
 Oldham." 
 
 " Did you send it ? " asked Erb, with great cheer- 
 fulness. 
 
 " I simply wrote and told him that he ought to 
 know that I am one of the few consistent men on 
 this globe, in that I always decline to lend money, 
 and that I saw no reason why I should make an ex- 
 ception in his case. Could I say anything fairer ? " 
 
 " And he's actually married ? " 
 
 " There ik a piece of what is termed wedding-cake 
 at home, awaiting my daughter's return." 
 
 "Will it — will it upset her, do you think?" 
 
 " I shall warn her not to eat it," said the Professor. 
 
 Erb did an extraordinary thing. Delighted by the 
 news which the Professor had brought, he set out 
 upon a walk down through Camberwell into Surrey, 
 a walk that he determined should last until he was 
 
270 ERB 
 
 tired out, a walk that had some vague advantage of 
 going in the direction of Worthing. He was not 
 used to heroic physical exercise, but on this unique 
 occasion there seemed nothing else to do that would 
 have been appropriate, and he mingled with the 
 evening tide of people receding from London, beat- 
 ing it easily, and finally arriving beyond Dulwich, 
 and well out into the country, where the rare gas- 
 lamps were being lighted and a mist came like a 
 decorous veil and protected the face of the roadway 
 -modestly. Easier to think here than in the hurry 
 and turmoil and clatter of town. After all, what did 
 public life matter, what did the cause of labour or 
 anything else matter so long as one was personally 
 happy ? That had ever been the aim of wise men ; 
 in future it should be his. There could always come 
 the superadded amusement of playing with lesser 
 minds, directing them and making them perform, 
 exercising control in the manner of the unseen 
 director of a Punch and Judy show. Erb argued 
 this in a quiet road with gesture and excitement; 
 a sparrow hopped along for some distance with him 
 in a companionable way, twittering approval and 
 hinting that if there should be such a thing in the 
 
 corner of a pocket as a few bread-crumbs 
 
 It was late when Erb returned by train from 
 Croydon to South Bermondsey Station, and in the 
 nearly empty rooms of Page's Walk he found Payne 
 
ERB 271 
 
 awaiting him. Payne, with something more than 
 usual gravity of countenance, seated on the floor and 
 smoking an empty pipe in a desolate, absent-minded 
 way. 
 
 "Well," said Payne lugubriously, "you've done for 
 yourself now." 
 
 " That so ? " remarked Erb. " What's the latest ? " 
 
 " One of the worst crisises," said Payne solemnly, 
 and taking some gloomy enjoyment in making the 
 word as long and as important as possible, " that ever 
 you encountered in all your puff." 
 
 " I'm ready for it," said Erb. 
 
 " They've sacked you," said Payne. 
 
 " This a joke ? " asked Erb. 
 
 " Never made a joke in me life," declared Payne, 
 " and well you know it." 
 
 Erb went over to the window and rested on the 
 sill. 
 
 "And they settled it all without hearing my account 
 of the case ? " 
 
 " Old chum ! there didn't seem to be no room for 
 any other account. He'd got chapter and verse for 
 everything he said. All about a twenty-pound cheque, 
 all about " 
 
 "And it never occurred to this — this flock of sheep," 
 shouted Erb excitedly, " that I never asked for that 
 cheque and never cashed it ? " 
 
 " Don't think they understand much about cheques," 
 
272 ERB 
 
 said Payne. "The fact that you had it. was what 
 impressed them." 
 
 Neither spoke for a few minutes. 
 
 "Who's going to take my place?" 
 
 " Friend of Spanswick's." 
 
 "NameDoubleday?" 
 
 "Name of Doubleday," said Payne affirmatively, 
 " Clever sort of sweat, so far as I could judge. What 
 are you going to do about it, old man? Going to 
 organise, I trust. Open-air meeting, say." 
 
 " Did any of the others stick up for my side ? " 
 
 " Only me ! " 
 
 A pause again. 
 
 "Well, you're going to do something?" 
 
 " You've got another guess," said Erb. 
 
CHAPTER XV 
 
 IF Erb's experience of life had been greater, if his 
 knowledge of the trend of events had been more 
 extensive, he would have been helped by the assur- 
 ance that in this world mist and sunshine alternate, 
 and that rarely a fog descends on the life of an 
 energetic man and remains there always. But had 
 Erb known this, there would still have remained the 
 undeniable fact that, for the time at any rate, the 
 atmosphere was murky. He showed temper. He 
 sent in his keys to the acting-secretary, and, know- 
 ing that the accounts were perfectly in order, de- 
 clined the request that he should attend to explain 
 money matters to his successor ; he decided to leave 
 London (having, indeed, very little to leave) and to 
 go down to Worthing, giving no one but Payne his 
 address. 
 
 " Looks as though you had turned sulky," remon- 
 strated Payne. 
 
 "I have! "said Erb. 
 
 T 273 
 
274 ERB 
 
 The new number of The Carman, which he him- 
 self had made up, contained a brief paragraph, 
 
 " We beg to state that Herbert Barnes has no 
 longer any connection with the Society, and that 
 the position of secretary will be filled up at the 
 next meeting of the committee. At present 
 everything points to friend Doubleday, who is 
 in a position to devote the whole of his time to 
 the work, and can be relied on to have no deal- 
 ings with the representatives of capital." 
 
 More stings came on the way up the Borough to 
 London Bridge Station. Four railway carmen he 
 met, driving their vans; instead of the "Hello!" 
 and the mystic twist of the whip, there was first 
 a glance of cautious recognition, then a steady look 
 ahead, with an air of absorbed interest, as though 
 realising for the first time the horse's presence. At 
 the station itself, men of his old Society, on seeing 
 him, hurried round to the tails of their vans, and 
 commenced sorting parcels there with industry. All 
 this sent Erb into the deeper depths, until he reached 
 Worthing, and found on the platform Rosalind and 
 Aunt Emma and his sister Louisa, Louisa's face 
 pink with excitement. 
 
 " Well," said Aunt Emma, " what's the best news ? " 
 
 " There isn't any best news," replied Erb. 
 
 They went, arm-in-arm, down the long road to the 
 sea front, and in a shelter there, Erb for the first time 
 
ERB 27^ 
 
 since the downfall found the luxury of detailed 
 description and frank avowal. When the account 
 came of the worst Rosalind touched his sleeve 
 sympathetically. 
 
 "And there you are!" said Erb, when he had 
 finished. He found himself now inclined to look on 
 the disasters as though they had occurred to some- 
 one else with whom he had little in common. " And 
 here / am, in about as awkward a situation as I've 
 ever been in in all my life.'' 
 
 " Complimentary to us," said Rosalind brightly. 
 
 He took her hand and patted it. 
 
 " You know what I mean," he whispered. 
 
 " They'd no right to sell up the 'ome," said Louisa 
 fiercely. 
 
 "Yes they had," said Erb, "by the law." 
 
 "But that Spanswick's the one that should have 
 suffered." 
 
 " A oven in a oast house," suggested Aunt Emma, 
 " would finish him off. That's how he'll be treated in 
 the next world, anyway." 
 
 " I ought to have verified the information he gave 
 me about the first affair." 
 
 "And in the second affair you were perfectly 
 right." 
 
 "That don't make any difference in the law of 
 libel. Besides, I was in a temper when I wrote it. 
 I let my feelings get the better of me." 
 
276 ERB 
 
 " What do you propose to do ? " 
 
 " Haven't a single idea," declared Erb. " Go back 
 on me hands and knees and get a berth as carman 
 again, I s'pose." 
 
 " That you never shall," said the two young women 
 emphatically. 
 
 "You have some long walks whilst you're down 
 here," counselled Rosalind, "and think it over by 
 yourself." 
 
 " If a bit of money's wanted," said Aunt Emma, 
 " you may as well have it now as later on." 
 
 "All this time," he said, turning to Louisa and 
 pinching her cheek, " all this time I haven't inquired 
 \icm you are pulling along." 
 
 " I'm as right as rain, Erb." 
 
 " Ah ! " he remarked doubtfully, " so you've always 
 said. Heard anything of Alice ? " 
 
 " Not a word from the overgrown minx," said 
 Louisa, with wrath. "If she was here I'd speak my 
 mind to her, and pretty quick about it, too. Oh, yes, 
 I know," Louisa went on, not to be deterred by an 
 interruption from the luxury of annoyance, "she 
 may have a lot to think of; she takes jolly good 
 care not to think of us." 
 
 " Has anyone written to tell her ? " asked Rosalind 
 quietly. 
 
 " Why should we ? " demanded Erb's young sister 
 illogically. " It's her business to find out ! But, of 
 
ERB 277 
 
 course, she wouldn't care if we was both in the work- 
 house." 
 
 " I wouldn't go so far as that." 
 
 " I shouldn't let you," said Aunt Emma. 
 
 "Meanwhile," interrupted Rosalind, "we're not 
 giving your brother anything to eat. Let me run off 
 to our rooms and get something ready." 
 
 The opportunity came here for Louisa to tell her 
 brother how good Rosalind had been, what a first- 
 class nurse she had proved herself, how bright and 
 attentive — " I should have kicked the bucket, I 
 think," said Louisa, looking out across the sea rather 
 thoughtfully, " if it hadn't been for her. And such a 
 manager ! Isn't she, Aunt Emma ? " 
 
 "She's a wunnerful young 'oman," said Aunt 
 Emma, " for her age." 
 
 Erb listening, began to feel that the world was not 
 such a bad world after all. He talked hopefully, but 
 vaguely, of either going to Canada, where he believed 
 a man with a handful of capital was welcomed, and 
 estates presented to him by a hospitable Government, 
 or to New South Wales, where, so far as he could 
 ascertain, labour leaders were in demand, and treated 
 with proper amount of trustfulness. On Aunt Emma 
 asking whether these places were not, in point of fact, 
 a long way off", Erb was forced to admit that they 
 were a pretty tidy step, and that, everything else 
 being equal, he would prefer to stay in the London 
 
278 ERB 
 
 where he had been born — the London that he knew, 
 the London that he liked. 
 
 "I haven't played the game cleverly," admitted 
 Erb. " I've tried to be fair and straightforward with 
 both sides, and I've managed to fall down in between 
 them. And I've hurt myself! " 
 
 They had nearly finished their steak at dinner, and 
 Louisa, breaking from new and fiercer condemnation 
 of Alice, was about to inquire of Rosalind whether 
 there was anything for after, when a miniature tele- 
 graph-boy passed the window in Portland Street, and 
 gave a double knock, altogether out of proportion to 
 his size, at the front door. The landlady's daughter 
 brought in a telegram, and " Please," said the land- 
 lady's daughter (inspecting Erb with curiosity, in 
 order to give a report to her mother), " please is there 
 any answer ? " 
 
 " Just heard of trouble. Lady Frances wishes 
 to see you this evening. Most important. — Alice." 
 
 " Tear it up ! " said Louisa, not yet restored to 
 calm. " Ignore it ! " 
 
 Rosalind offered no counsel. Aunt Emma watched 
 her narrowly as Erb considered for a moment, look- 
 ing from one to another. 
 
 "I ought to go back if it's really important," he 
 said. "And Lady Frances is a young lady who 
 doesn't like being disappointed." 
 
ERB 279 
 
 "Please yourself," said Aunt Emma shortly. "But 
 take care, that's all ! " 
 
 He found news, on his return after this very brief 
 visit to Worthing, in a letter at the empty rooms in 
 Page's Walk, which at once encouraged' him and gave 
 him perturbation. The white-haired Labour member 
 wrote in cautious terms that a certain bye-election in 
 a London constituency was imminent. It had been 
 decided to run a Labour candidate; the other two 
 sides were pretty evenly matched, and if the game 
 were played well, and played out, there was good 
 chance of the Labour man making a fair show ; there 
 was another chance, less probable, but possible, that 
 the Liberal candidate, if he found he had no prospect 
 of winning, might retire before the election. The 
 point was (wrote the Labour M.P.), would Erb con- 
 sent to stand if he were selected ? All the expenses 
 would be paid, and all the help that the party could 
 give would be willingly afforded. It would be better 
 to put up a man like Erb, who had never before sub- 
 mitted himself to the suffrages of a constituency, than 
 a man who had elsewhere undergone the experience 
 of rejection. A reply to the House of Commons 
 would oblige, and, meanwhile, this communication 
 was to be regarded as strictly private. 
 
 " He hasn't heard," said Erb thoughtfully, " of my 
 come down." 
 
 There were many courses, Erb felt, to pursue which 
 
28o ERB 
 
 were not straightforward, but only one that was 
 honest. He went into a stationer's in Willow Walk, 
 and, borrowing pen and ink, and purchasing paper 
 and envelope, "wrote a frank letter, giving all the 
 necessary details of recent events, and just caught the 
 five-thirty post as the pillar-box was being deprived 
 of its contents. Then he made his way on foot — a 
 desperate spirit of economy possessing him — to Eaton 
 Square. 
 
 " Ages since I saw you," said Mr. Danks the foot- 
 man, receiving him on the area steps with something 
 like enthusiasm, "but I've heard of you over and 
 over again." 
 
 " How are you getting on with your aitches ? " 
 asked Erb. 
 
 "Very complimentary remarks, too," said Mr. 
 Danks, ignoring the inquiry. "My cousin, Rosie, 
 seems to think of nobody else, so far as I can judge. 
 I'd no idea you were a favourite with the fair sex ! " 
 
 "It's brain that tells in the long run," remarked 
 Erb. 
 
 " If I thought there was anything in that remark," 
 said the footman, interested, " I'd go in for literature 
 or something of the kind myself. I'm expecting to 
 be thrown over by a young lady in Lowndes Square 
 by every post, and — but I'm keeping you waiting." 
 
 " I noticed that," said Erb. 
 
 Jackson, said cook (now stouter and apparently 
 
ERB 281 
 
 shorter than ever), would be down directly. Would 
 Erb let her cut for him a sandwich or a snack ; 
 well, Erb could please himself; cook's own motto in 
 the matter of feeding was, " Little and often," but it 
 had never been her way to force her opinions on 
 other people, in which particular her motto was, 
 " Interfere with nobody, and nobody will interfere 
 with you." Cook had many other aphorisms to 
 impart, and seemed a little hurt when Alice came 
 into the kitchen and claimed her brother with a kiss 
 that had about it unexpected affection. 
 
 " I've been worrying about you day and night," 
 declared Alice. " I never thought anything would 
 upset me so much." 
 
 "Wonder you don't ask after Jessie," interrupted 
 cook. 
 
 " Jessie who ? " demanded Erb, 
 
 " Just Jessie ! Thought you was rather struck on 
 her. She's with a family travelling abroad now. Tall 
 girl with eyes." 
 
 " I'd forgotten about her." 
 
 "Ah!" sighed cook. "That's like a man. It's 
 the old saying over again, 'Out of sight, out of 
 mind.' " 
 
 ■'And I told Lady Frances," continued Alice, 
 leaving cook to mutter to a large joint of beef 
 turning before a desperately fierce fire, "and you're 
 to see her, Erb, directly after dinner." 
 
282. ERB 
 
 "What's in the wind?" 
 
 "Last time you were here, Mr. Barnes," said 
 cook, over her shoulder, from the fire, "you came 
 as a friend of the family. Funny world, isn't it? 
 Upstairs one day, downstairs the next." 
 
 "You must be short of money, Erb," whispered 
 his sister in an undertone. "I've got quite a tidy 
 bit put away in the savings bank. If ten or twenty 
 pounds " 
 
 "Upon my word," cried Erb, "it's worth while 
 having a touch of misfortune now and again, if it's 
 only just to find how much kindness there is about. 
 But I shall fall on my feet somehow, Alice. Don't 
 you worry about me." 
 
 " Can't help doing so." 
 
 " You might do what you can for Louisa, though. 
 If it hadn't been for — for a friend of mine, I don't 
 know where she'd have been." 
 
 " We've never quite got on together in the past," 
 said Alice regretfully. " Difference in our heights 
 seems to have led to other differences. But I'll see 
 that it all dries straight. She'll pull through, of 
 course." 
 
 " I think she'll just pull through," said Erb thought- 
 fully, "and that's about all. Doctor says that if there 
 was unlimited money about she'd be herself in a few 
 months. But there you are, you see! Just when 
 it's wanted particularly, it goes and hides." 
 
ERB 2&3 
 
 Mr. Danks knocked and came in with a reverential 
 air that differed from the one with which he had 
 greeted Erb in the area. Lady Frances' compliments, 
 and she would be pleased to see Mr. Barnes in the 
 drawing-room now. 
 
 " Let me put your tie straight," said Alice. 
 
 Lady Frances, looking taller and more charming 
 than ever in her dinner dress, was delighted to see 
 Mr. Barnes again. Quite a long time since they 
 had met. She herself had been very busy — would 
 not Mr. Barnes sit down? — very busy, and that 
 must be taken as her excuse. Rather worried, too. 
 There was trouble out in North Africa, and when 
 
 one had friends there But the point was this : 
 
 Lady Frances had heard all about the disastrous 
 events in the Barnes household. In regard to 
 Louisa, she must go to the Riviera with Lady 
 Frances this winter. No, no ! It was entirely a 
 selfish proposition, and Louisa would be a most 
 amusing companion; Lady Frances never tired of 
 her Cockney friends. 
 
 " In return for which," said Erb fervently, " I'll do 
 any blessed thing you like to ask me." 
 
 So far, good! said Lady Frances, with a gesture 
 of applause with her fan. Now to get on a little 
 further. Her uncle — Mr. Barnes remembered her 
 uncle ? 
 
 " I remember him well ! " 
 
284 ERB 
 
 Now, this was a great secret, and must not be 
 mentioned to a soul. Her uncle was going to stand 
 for the coming bye-election at — Ah! Mr. Barnes had 
 heard of the probable vacancy ; strange how infor- 
 mation flew about — and in this constituency (here 
 Lady F'rances tried to wrinkle her smooth young 
 forehead, and to look extremely wise) there was, it 
 appeared, a large working-class element. Mr. Barnes 
 had been useful in a somewhat similar way before. 
 Why should not he again be of assistance? The 
 money that he would thus earn would enable him 
 to do what he liked. Go abroad to one of the 
 colonies, or stay here and marry and settle down, 
 or do anything. 
 
 "There's just this about it that I ought to tell 
 you," said Erb. " I've been asked to have a dash at 
 the same event as Labour candidate." 
 
 That, Lady Frances admitted, with another effort 
 to look aged, that certainly did complicate matters. 
 Was there probability of Mr. Barnes accepting the 
 offer? 
 
 " Not the least probability in the world." 
 
 Capital, capital! The young diplomatist, again 
 signifying approval with her fan, leaned forward 
 from her chair in a most attractive way. All that 
 now remained to do was for Mr. Barnes to say 
 "yes," and the whole matter would be arranged 
 satisfactorily. 
 
ERB 285 
 
 " Upon my word," declared Erb, after a few 
 moments' thought, " to say ' yes ' would be far and 
 away the easiest thing to do. I owe precious little 
 to my men after the way they've treated me, and it 
 would just let them see what they deserved." 
 
 Mr. Barnes would excuse Lady Frances for inter- 
 rupting, but a most supremely brilliant idea had 
 just occurred to her, and it was necessary that she 
 should communicate it without an instant's delay. 
 [The young woman panted with surprise and enthusi- 
 asm, and Erb watched her reverently.) Why should 
 not Mr. Barnes — this was absolutely the greatest 
 notion that had ever occurred to anybody since the 
 world began — why should not Mr. Barnes do every- 
 thing he could to forward his candidature as an 
 Independent, and then, just at the last moment, 
 retire in favour of her uncle." 
 
 " No ! " said Erb. 
 
 Lady Frances did not conceal her disappointment 
 of Erb's unreasonable attitude. No ambassador re- 
 buffed in a mission on which future promotion de- 
 pended could have felt greater annoyance. But she 
 recovered amiability, and leaving the discussion where 
 it was, spoke further of her intentions in regard to 
 Louisa and the trip to the South of France, on which 
 subject she showed such real kindness that when Erb 
 was presently shown out into Eaton Square by Mr. 
 Danks, he felt something like contempt for himself 
 
286 ERB 
 
 for having declined so abruptly to accept her sug- 
 gestion and advice. He went off to Payne's house, 
 where something was done to a magic piece of 
 furniture that pretended ordinarily to be a chair, 
 upon which it became a bedstead, and afforded com- 
 fortable rgst for the night. 
 
 The next morning Erb, for about the first time 
 in his life, found himself with nothing to do but to 
 count the hours. He noted the easy carelessness 
 of men able to loaf outside the public-house in Dover 
 Street; in some public gardens near able-bodied 
 youths smoked cigarettes and sunned themselves 
 luxuriously, content apparently to feel that there, at 
 any rate, work could never force itself upon their 
 attention, and no danger existed of encountering a 
 job. Whatever happened, Erb knew that he would 
 never slide down to this. It might well be that he 
 should not find himself now in a position to ask 
 Rosalind to become his wife, but he would never 
 become a loafer. He walked up through the in- 
 creasingly busy crowd of High Street, Borough, and 
 comparison between their state and his forced him to 
 recognise the fact that in no place, under certain 
 conditions, can one be so lonely as in London. 
 
 "The very man!" cried a voice. The hook of a 
 walking-stick caught his arm. 
 
 " That you ? " said Erb. " Get my letter ? " 
 
 " Had your letter," said the white-haired Labour 
 
ERB 287 
 
 M.P. in his swift, energetic way, " and I'm going down 
 now to put everything straight for you." 
 
 " That'll take a bit of doing." 
 
 " I've had more twisted things to deal with than 
 this. Which way were you going ? " 
 
 " Scarcely know." 
 
 " Then you're coming down with me ? " 
 
 " Shan't I be rather in the way ? " 
 
 " I hope so," said the Labour M.P. 
 
 A swift walker, the Labour M.P., and one with 
 whom it was not easy to keep pace ; he- talked at a 
 corresponding rate, so that by the time they reached 
 the office of the London Railway Carmen's Society, 
 he was showing signs of exhaustion, and the duty of 
 talking to Spanswick, whom they found perched on 
 the window-sill of the landing, devolved upon Erb. 
 Spanswick wore a look of perturbation and showed 
 some desire not to look at Erb in speaking to him ; 
 he puffed at a ragged cigar, at which he gazed now 
 and again with deep regret. 
 
 " I can't make 'ead or tail of it," said Spanswick 
 despondently. " It's a mystery, that's what it is. 
 Why, I should have trusted that man with untold 
 gold." 
 
 " What's happened ? " asked Erb. 
 
 " After all I've done for him, too," went on Spans- 
 wick. " I've treated him like a brother, I have ; I 
 might go so far as to say I've treated him more like 
 
288 ERB 
 
 a friend than a brother. It was only last night we 
 were 'aving a few friendly glasses together — I paid 
 for the last, worse luck ! — and he was talking about 
 what he was going to do for the Society, and all the 
 time he must have had the letter in his pocket, ready 
 to pop in the post." 
 
 " Where's the key to this door .' " asked the Labour 
 M.P. sharply. 
 
 " He might well call himself Doubleday," went on 
 Spanswick, finding the key in his pocket ; " I've never 
 been more deceived in anybody in all my life. Him 
 and me has been pals for over six weeks, and this is 
 how he turns round and treats me." 
 
 " What on earth are you talking about ? " 
 
 " I've seen him home when it's been necessary after 
 the places were closed, and sometimes," Spanswick 
 admitted this grudgingly, " sometimes, of course, he's 
 seen me 'ome when it's been necessary. He's told 
 me things about his early boyhood ; I've told him 
 things about my early. boyhood. I got him the best 
 berth he ever had in all his born days " 
 
 " And ousted me from it," remarked Erb. " What's 
 up?" 
 
 " But don't it jest show you," demanded Spanswick 
 eagerly, " how the very best of us can sometimes be 
 deceived? I'm looked on as a man who knows 
 enough to come in when it rains, and I certainly 
 pride myself more on taking in others than being 
 
ERB 289 
 
 took in meself. And here am I, in the forty-second 
 year of me age " 
 
 "Barnes!" called the voice of the Labo»r M.P. 
 from the office, " come here ! " 
 
 Spanswick continued growling to himself as Erb 
 left him and entered the office. 
 
 "The books don't appear to have been touched 
 since you left," said the white-haired man. " Not a 
 figure, not a letter," 
 
 "Then he can't be accused of tampering with 
 them." 
 
 " How much cash did you leave in the safe ? " 
 Erb showed the sum at the foot of a page in the 
 accounts book. " I've half a mind," said the Labour 
 M.P. in a way that suggested he was making an 
 understatement, " I have half a mind to break it 
 open ! " 
 
 "Wouldn't it be better to give him a chance of 
 coming back?" 
 
 " Read that ! " 
 
 Erb read a slip of paper that Doubleday had left 
 on the desk. Doubleday had addressed it to the 
 committee, and it told them that, finding his health 
 was giving way under the stress of the few days' 
 work, he had decided to take a holiday. If there 
 should be any little trifle short in the cash accounts, 
 that would be replaced as soon as he could make it 
 convenient to do so. He added that he had drawn 
 
290 ERB 
 
 the sum standing to the Society's credit, because 
 there was not enough money in the safe to enable 
 him to take the somewhat lengthened holiday which 
 he felt was necessary. Thanking them for all past 
 favours, regretting their acquaintance had been so 
 brief, and wishing the Society every success, he re- 
 mained, theirs faithfully, Edward H. Doubleday. 
 
 " I'd like to know the worst," said the Labour M.P. 
 " I suppose you've no experience in forcing locks ? " 
 
 " Branch of my education," replied Erb, " that's 
 been sadly neglected. Why, the blessed thing's 
 open ! " 
 
 The safe was, indeed, unlocked, and this mattered 
 the less, because the safe appeared to be empty. Erb 
 struck a match and searched the corners ; there was 
 nothing to be seen but an envelope bearing the 
 words, " I.O.U.," a certain large amount, and Double- 
 day's portentous signature. 
 
 " What's the next step ? " asked Erb. 
 
 " Set the police on his track." 
 
 "And the next?" 
 
 " Call the committee together at the earliest possible 
 moment. Make them do what I should have induced 
 them to do even though this had not happened — 
 reinstate you as secretary." 
 
 " Anything else ? " 
 
 " After that you and I can talk over this bye- 
 election business. I think we shall get you in the 
 
ERB 291 
 
 House, Barnes, before you're very much older." The 
 M.P. looked at his large silver watch. "I must be 
 moving. Deputation to the Home Secretary at one ; 
 committee at two. Fine life ours, Barnes ; always 
 something doing. Always difficulties to be cleared 
 away. You'll enjoy it when you're in the midst of 
 it." 
 
 The Labour M.P. hurried off, pushing Spanswick 
 aside as that desolate man made an effort to impart 
 some further details of his acute grievance. Spans- 
 wick went to the door of the office, but found it shut 
 in his face. 
 
 " Now, if I'd been in his place," cried Spanswick, 
 through the keyhole, " the least I should have thought 
 of saying would have been ' 'alves ! ' " 
 
CHAPTER XVI 
 
 ROSALIND brought Louisa back to town, the 
 vacation being over, and Camberwell desiring 
 to go on with its lessons in voice production. Lady 
 Frances, hearing of this from Alice, antedated her 
 trip to the Continent ; Louisa, dazed by the rapidity 
 of events, said good-bye at the station with apparent 
 calm to her brother and her three most recent 
 fiances. 
 
 " Likely as not," said Louisa casually, " I shall 
 marry one of you when I come back ! " 
 
 " Which ? " inquired the three youths eagerly. 
 
 " The one that's got the most money." 
 
 " Ah ! " said the young baker from Rotherhithe 
 New Road contentedly. 
 
 " And the most sense." 
 
 " Good ! " remarked the assistant from the Free 
 Library. 
 
 " And the best temper." 
 
 " Right-o ! " said the booking clerk from Walworth 
 Road Station. 
 
 Lady Frances asked Erb to get an evening paper, 
 292 
 
ERB 293 
 
 and he went to the small bookstall on the platform. 
 The train was on the point of starting, and he took 
 up a Conservative journal. As he did so, he 
 glanced at, the placard, that was being pinned to 
 the stall, and observed a line " Massacre of English 
 Commission in Morocco." He quickly bought another 
 journal of an earlier edition. Later, when the train 
 had gone, he found in the " fudge " of the first journal 
 a brief message, printed unevenly : — 
 
 " The Foreign Office has received news of the 
 massacre of the English Commission recently 
 sent out to Morocco. No particulars are to hand, 
 but the Commission included Lieutenant the 
 Hon. " 
 
 " Her young man ! " cried Erb distressedly. 
 " Thought as much ! This'll be a fearful upset for 
 her." 
 
 He had some idea of going at once to Eaton 
 Square, but this seemed of little use, and he had 
 become so much accustomed to consulting Rosalind 
 that he decided instead to go down to Southampton 
 Street. Arrived there, he found commotion of such 
 importance that this trouble concerning Lady Frances 
 took a second place. 
 
 An ambulance inside the gate, near to the speci- 
 mens of graveyard statuary, and on the steps of the 
 house, a constable. 
 
 Any relation, asked C 243, barring the way, any 
 
294 ERB 
 
 relation to the deceased? By deceased, explained 
 constable, giving additional information grudgingly, 
 he did not, of course, mean deceased exactly, but 
 nearly as good as that; he meant old gentleman — 
 white-haired old gentleman — who was knocked down 
 by cab in Strand not half an hour ago, as he stooped in 
 middle of roadway to pick up a halfpenny he dropped. 
 Happened just at the corner of Wellington Street, it 
 did. Knew the old chap by sight One of what C 243 
 ventured to call the regulars. Saw them every day 
 between Bedford Street and Wellington Street. 
 Didn't know their names, of course, said nonstable, 
 argumentatively, but, bless one's soul, knew their 
 faces so well that, when one of them dropped out, 
 made you feel as though you lost a personal friend. 
 All of them on the cadge, so C 243 understood, and 
 apparently managed to live by borrowing from each 
 other. A rum life, if ever there was one; no two 
 ways about that. 
 " Is he still able to recognise anybody ? " 
 Old chap's first words were "Not a hospital; take 
 me home." Constable inquired where was home, 
 and old chap managed to give address. Whereupon 
 constable, after deliberation with a colleague, decided 
 to take four-wheeler and see old chap home as 
 desired. Thought, perhaps, he was only a bit 
 stunned, or perhaps dazed. Instead of which, coming 
 
ERB 295 
 
 past the Obelisk, old chap suddenly lurched forward, 
 and thoroughly collapsed. 
 
 The small servant, tamed for the moment, came 
 out and beckoned. The voice of Rosalind called 
 gently. 
 
 " I am here," replied Erb. 
 
 " Want you just for one moment." 
 
 A boy doctor who stood inside the room, endea- 
 vouring to wear a look of uncountable years, nodded 
 curtly, and went to the foot of the sofa. On the 
 sofa lay the Professor, with a rug thrown over him, 
 the rug close up to his chin, one hand free, and 
 travelling restlessly over the pattern. 
 
 "'From whose bourn,'" whispered the Professor, 
 "'no traveller returns.' You are a good lad, and 
 you will look after her." 
 
 " If she'll let me," says Erb. " How are you feel- 
 ing, sir, by this time ? " 
 
 " Look after her better than I have done. See 
 that when you arrive at my state, laddie, you — you 
 can glance back on your life with content." 
 
 Erb, with a kindly touch, pushed the Professor's 
 hair from his eyes, and the old man looked up 
 gratefully. Erb pressed his hand, and the hand 
 gripped his as though with desire to attach itself 
 to something reliable. 
 
 " I'm slipping," whispered the Professor. He closed 
 his eyes, and presently reopened them as with diiifi- 
 
296 ERB 
 
 culty. '"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.' 
 Give me the word, sir, give me the word. What in 
 Heaven's name," with sudden indignation, "is the 
 use of having a prompter ! " 
 
 Rosalind, keeping her tears back, came with the 
 heavy volume, opening it quickly at the place where in 
 a steel engraving a ringletted youth was addressing 
 soldiers. Erb discovered the lines with the aid of 
 
 Rosalind's finger, gave the cue, " For he to-day " 
 
 The old Professor went on. " ' For he to-day that 
 sheds his blood with me, shall be my be-rother ! be 
 he ne'er so vile, This day shall gentle his condition. 
 And gentlemen in England — and gentlemen in 
 England.' No use," said the Professor wearily, " my 
 study's gone." 
 
 " Don't bother about it, sir." 
 
 " Laddie," said the Professor, " you — you think me 
 a thriftless, miserable wastrel." 
 
 " Not that exactly," answered Erb. " We're none 
 of us perfect." 
 
 " I've reached my last hour, and the time has come 
 for plain speech. I've been," a smile dared to creep 
 half-way across the Professor's face, " I've been a 
 fraud." 
 
 " Father," said Rosalind brokenly, "' you've always 
 been the dearest, dearest." 
 
 The boy doctor, snatching the opportunity to 
 whisper to Erb, who could not loose the Professor's 
 
ERB 297 
 
 hand, said that he had administered a sleeping- 
 draught : if the Professor desired to say anything 
 it would be better to allow him to speak without 
 interruption, 
 
 " I have been a fraud," repeated the Professor, with 
 ■something of relish. " I have been a fraud. ' Neither 
 a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft ' " 
 
 " You've always been welcome, sir." 
 
 " There is a note in my desk to send to the Era. 
 I have, in my salad days, advertised in the Era. I 
 think they will put it in." 
 
 " I'll pay them to, if necessary." 
 
 The Professor gave a faint echo of a chuckle. 
 " How they will talk about it in the Strand ! I'd 
 give the remainder of my life to hear them." 
 
 The old, old mouth twisted in the effort to display 
 amusement, and remained twisted : one eyelid nearly 
 closed. The boy doctor looked anxiously from the 
 foot of the sofa : Rosalind knelt. 
 
 " You're going to have a nice long sleep," said Erb, 
 bending down. " And you'll wake up a different man, 
 bless you." 
 
 " I shall awake," repeated the Professor slowly, " a 
 different man." 
 
 Both eyelids closing now, he turned his white head 
 towards the wall. Presently his grip of Erb's hand 
 relaxed, and Erb, disengaging himself, went with the 
 others to the window, where the three spoke in an 
 
298 ERB 
 
 undertone, Erb holding Rosalind's elbow supportingly. 
 A slight groan from the sofa. 
 
 " All over ! " announced the boy doctor, with a 
 desperate effort to assume the air of one used to 
 making such announcements, and rendered callous 
 by long centuries of habit. " I'll let the coroner's 
 officer know. Don't mind my running off, do you ? " 
 
 The Professor's words were counted as the mere 
 wandering of speech, and dismissed from memory 
 until, the inquest over, and some days later the 
 journey to Honor Oak cemetery and back at an end, 
 Erb took upon himself the duty of examining the 
 locked drawers of the desk. Then it was found that, 
 tardily in his life, the Professor had hinted at truth, 
 for books entitled Post Office Savings Bank were 
 discovered there, and it was realised that this old 
 spendthrift, this most careless member of a careless 
 profession, had hoarded carefully throughout his life, 
 engaging stray half-crowns only to add them instantly 
 to his store, and the five brown-covered books an- 
 nounced that to his credit stood what seemed to Erb 
 and to Rosalind the extravagant fortune of nearly 
 four hundred pounds. A will, drawn up in commend- 
 able order, directed that all this was left to " my dear 
 daughter Rosalind, and may she forgive her father 
 for many shortcomings, and think of him, if she can, 
 with affection and regard." 
 
 "This," said Erb, when he had reckoned up the 
 
ERB 299 
 
 amounts on a slip of paper, " this is very satisfactory 
 for you, but it makes all the difference to me." 
 
 " It's going to make no sort of difference whatever," 
 said Rosalind emphatically. 
 
 " Money matters always do." 
 
 " Depends on the people who have the money. 
 Money in itself doesn't bring happiness, but it doesn't 
 follow that it destroys it. Your Lady Frances, for 
 instance " 
 
 " What makes you call her my Lady Frances ? " 
 
 " She looks upon you as her property," said Rosa- 
 lind, turning away. 
 
 " If I hadn't got such a stiff collar on I'd laugh,'' 
 declared Erb. "By-the-by, I'm very glad to see by 
 to-day's papers that her sweetheart was on his way 
 back before that nasty affair took place out near 
 Tetuan. Mysterious thing rather. Been telegraphed 
 for apparently by somebody." 
 
 " I know." 
 
 " You saw about it in the paper ? " 
 
 " I haven't seen the paper," said Rosalind. 
 
 " Well, but how did you know it ? " 
 
 " / sent the telegram," she said quietly. " I thought 
 it better he should be back here. I didn't want her 
 to get you." 
 
 Erb took her hands. She tried to keep her lips 
 from his, but she tried for a moment only. 
 
300 ERB 
 
 " This simplifies matters," he said. " I never could 
 tell whether you " 
 
 " You never asked ! " 
 
 "People will say I married you for your money," 
 he said half jokingly. 
 
 " And I shall know," replied Rosalind, patting his 
 face, "that you married me because — because you 
 liked me." 
 
CHAPTER XVII 
 
 SILK-HATTED men were hurrying to and fro 
 in the lobby, each with an air of bearing the 
 responsibilities of the Empire on his shoulders ; 
 cards were being sent in by the attendants ; a few 
 country visitors stood about near to the statue of 
 Mr. Gladstone waiting awkwardly for the arrival of 
 their member. Swing-doors moved unceasingly ; 
 now and again two members would encounter each 
 other and consult furtively with wrinkled foreheads, 
 and visitors stood back from the round space at the 
 centre watching them with awe and respect. Erb, 
 in a morning coat and a necktie of such gaiety that 
 alone it betrayed the fact that his wedding-day was 
 an event not yet forgotten, strolled about, less 
 appalled by the surroundings than most, so that 
 provincials came to him now and again and made 
 inquiries. Whenever he had been to the House 
 before he had always felt wistful, and had looked 
 through the corridor to the inner lobby with antici- 
 pation ; this evening the feeling was absent. 
 
 " Haven't kept you waiting, I hope, Barnes ? " The 
 301 
 
302 ERB 
 
 white-haired Labour member, bustling out, was con- 
 spicuous by reason of his bowler hat. " Rather a lot 
 of things to do one way and another. When you 
 get here you'll find — I can't see him now," answer- 
 ing a messenger. " Tell him I'm going down to 
 Bermondsey, and I shall not be back till ten. Tell 
 him that ! " 
 
 " Cab or 'bus ? " inquired Erb, as they went down 
 the broad steps. 
 
 " 'Bus," said the Labour member promptly. " Some- 
 body might see us if we took a hansom. You'll find 
 that you can't be too careful. And there's another 
 thing, too. Flower in your coat, you know. Mis- 
 take ! " 
 
 With axiom and words of counsel, the white-haired 
 member shortened the journey from Westminster to 
 the rooms in Grange Road, Erb listening with a 
 proper deference, and refraining from all but appro- 
 priate and well-chosen interruptions. The member 
 appeared stimulated by the task before him ; Erb 
 felt quite mature in remembering the time when he, 
 too, would have found his blood run quicker at the 
 prospect of argument. His companion hurried up 
 the corkscrew staircase of the coffee-house, Erb 
 following slowly, and nodding to a few of the men 
 who, with anxious expression of countenance, stood 
 about on the landing. He went into a room at the 
 side, where he hoped to be alone. Spanswick, how- 
 
ERB 303 
 
 ever, had seen him, and Spanswick, following in, took 
 a wooden chair on the opposite side of the table. 
 Erb's old van boy interposed, big with a message. 
 The chief had sent him (said William Henry) to 
 mention in confidence that, if Erb cared to come 
 
 back to his former position "Extraordinary 
 
 thing," said Erb, "how much the world wants you 
 when you show that you don't want the world. No 
 answer, William Henry, only thanks,'' 
 
 " I've been telling a lot of 'em," said Spanswick, 
 jerking his hand in the direction of the other room 
 as the young diplomatist went, "that if they take 
 my advice, Erb, they'll ask you to come back." 
 
 " I see ! " 
 
 " I've pointed out to 'em — of course I'm not a 
 member now, but I can still talk — that they've 
 blundered all the way along. That matter of the 
 cheque, for instance — it's proved that it's never been 
 cashed and, therefore, as I say, the money could never 
 have come into your pocket. On the top of that," 
 said Spanswick, with something like indignation, "they 
 go and select a bounder like old Doubleday. Why 
 I could see what the man was like from the very 
 start. I took his measure the first time I came across 
 him. A talkative, interfering, muddle-headed gas- 
 bag — I told some of 'em that it was a wonder they 
 got men to take the trouble to lead them at all." 
 
 " It is a wonder ! " 
 
304 ERB 
 
 "And here they are now," said Spanswick, "here 
 they are now down on their hands and knees, without 
 a single penny in the cash-box, worse off than they've 
 ever been ever since the Society started, and not one 
 amongst 'em capable of taking what you may call 
 the reins of government in hand. It all comes," con- 
 cluded Spanswick, " it all comes through people not 
 listening to the advice of the few of us" — here he 
 struck his waistcoat impressively — "the few of us, 
 like me and you, that know." 
 
 Through the partition Erb could hear the voice 
 of the Labour member. Impossible to distinguish 
 the words, but clearly there was reproof in the tones 
 at first ; this gave place later to the quieter key of 
 counsel. The men who had hitherto been silent 
 began to applaud ; fists struck the table with approval, 
 and presently there came the sounds of emphatic 
 cheering that had often made Erb warm with pleasure. 
 
 "You're wanted, old man," said Payne, opening 
 the door importantly. "Poller me into the next 
 room, will you ? " 
 
 The old scent of gas and cheap tobacco and cor- 
 duroys. The old faces looking round as he entered, 
 elbows resting on the table, some of the men with 
 tumblers before them ; others, wearing the stern look 
 of sobriety, making notes of the speech to which 
 they had just listened. Circular stains on the long 
 wooden U-shaped tables ; the impaled advertisements 
 
ERB 305 
 
 on the wall awry, as though aflfected by the perfumes 
 coming from the bar downstairs; the dulled mirror 
 at the end reflecting the room mistily, with its frame 
 protected eternally by tissue paper. The barman at 
 the doorway gave Erb a tap of encouragement as he 
 went in. 
 
 " Bravo ! 'vo ! 'vo ! 'vo ! " murmured the room, 
 
 " Order ! order ! " said the chairman. " I call on 
 our old and trusted friend — I forget his blessed name 
 — from Paddington Parcels, at any rate, to address 
 this meeting." 
 
 The Paddington Parcels member cleared his throat 
 and rose. He had been one of the first to go over, 
 and this he frankly admitted. "Gives me all the 
 more title," said Paddington Parcels determinedly, 
 " to undertake what I'm undertaking of now." Pad- 
 dington Parcels handsomely offered to cut a long 
 story short, and the room gave encouragement to 
 this proposal, whereupon he proceeded to speak at 
 intolerable length with ever, " Just one word and I've 
 done," and " Let me add a couple of words more," 
 and "Finally, I should like to remark," and other 
 phrases all suggesting an immediate finish, anticipa- 
 tion not justified by results. 
 
 Summarised, the argument was that the Society 
 had made a grievous blunder; that when a chap 
 made a mistake he should apologise for it and set 
 it right ; that a society was like a chap, and should 
 
3o6 ERB 
 
 behave as a chap would, and that in the present 
 deplorable state of the Society there was only one 
 thing they could do, namely, to ask Erb to let bygones 
 be bygones, and to come back and resume the secre- 
 taryship. Payne spoke briefly. Every society had 
 its ups and down ; this Society was just now all in 
 the downs, as the song had it. But it was well 
 worth while to have such an experience, if only to 
 see his old chum, his good old chum Erb, righted in 
 the eyes of everybody and restored to a position that 
 he ought never to have quitted. 
 
 The Labour member begged leave (his tones in- 
 timating nothing of humility) to say a few words 
 before this was put to the vote. The Society had 
 been compared to a man, but the Society, as a society, 
 was, so to speak, a mere child, and it had recently 
 behaved in the impulsive wrong-headed manner of 
 a child. That might be overlooked once ; it would 
 not be overlooked a second time. Mind that ! And 
 there was another thing. The success of the labour 
 movement as a whole depended on the loyalty of 
 the men to those who were doing brain work on 
 their behalf; let that loyalty once exhibit anything 
 of doubt, and the whole scheme, the whole business, 
 the whole movement — the Labour member struck the 
 wooden table emphatically at each variant of the 
 phrase — the whole show would go to pot. All the 
 same, he congratulated them on the wise decision at 
 
ERB 307 
 
 which they were about to arrive, and he strongly 
 urged his friend Erb Barnes, "in consideration of 
 certain prospective events," said the white-haired 
 member, lowering his voice mysteriously, " of which 
 he is aware, but cannot at the present time be made 
 public," to accept the invitation of the men. 
 
 The men had kept silent whilst receiving criticism ; 
 at these last words they rose from the Windsor 
 chairs, and shouted approval. The shirt-sleeved 
 waiter went up and down the tables, culling empty 
 glasses and making them into a bouquet. Erb went 
 to the mantelpiece and, resting one hand there, spoke 
 quietly. Every face turned in his direction. 
 
 " I think," said the chairman importantly, " I think 
 I may say, carried /«;' se — I mean netn. con!' 
 
 " I'm not going to occupy your time," said Erb 
 from the fireplace, when the renewed cheering had 
 ceased. "You'll have other business to do — ('No, 
 no ! ') — and, contrary to my usual practice, I'm going 
 to be brief. There have been occasions when you've 
 heard me speak at a considerable length, perhaps 
 I've talked too much, and for all your kindness to me 
 under those circumstances I give you my thanks. 
 I shan't ever trouble you again to that extent. A 
 month or so ago you met here — you, just the same 
 men that you are now — and you gave me the sack. 
 You never offered me a chance of defending myself 
 or explaining my actions ; you just pushed me off." 
 
3o8 ERB 
 
 The room murmured an unintelligible protest. 
 
 "You jilted me. You broke the engagement. 
 We're all constituted differently, I s'pose, but I'm 
 like this ; if anybody's faithful to me I should be 
 glad of the opportunity of going through fire and 
 water for them ; if they're not, then fire and water 
 are things they can go through for themselves. I 
 reckon I've been in love with this Society for the last 
 year, and I've tried to be loyal to it — I have been 
 loyal to it ; now I'm in love with somebody else." 
 
 The room shouted an inquiry. 
 
 "I'm in love," said Erb, turning to glance con- 
 tentedly towards the window, " in love with my wife." 
 
 "In love with his wife!" said the members to each 
 other amazedly. 
 
 " Some people possess a stock of enthusiasm-that's 
 got no limits ; mine all vanished, I find, directly you 
 treated me unfairly. You see, you might — I don't 
 say you would — but you might do it again. My 
 friend who has come down from Westminster to talk 
 to you knows that I'm giving up prospects that 
 would tempt a good many ; it's only honest to tell 
 you that those prospects, which a month since would 
 have made my head swell, at this moment don't 
 allure me in the slightest degree. I think — I don't 
 know, mind — I think I'm seeing things clearer than 
 I did. I idealised you. I imagined all the right and 
 all the justice and all the everything was on our side; 
 
ERB 309 
 
 I've come to see that, as a matter of fact, it's about 
 fairly divided. I'm going to take up a little business 
 on my own account down in Wandsworth as a 
 carman, and I should be very glad, chaps, if you 
 could manage to wish me luck. I'm off now. I'm 
 going to leave you to go on with the business of 
 appointing a Secretary. There's plenty of capable 
 men in the world, and the opportunity always finds 
 them. So I wish you prosperity, and I hope we may 
 always keep friends, because some day we may find 
 ourselves shoulder to shoulder again. And I wish 
 
 you^ " Erb hesitated for a moment in order to 
 
 steady his voice, " I wish you good-bye." 
 
 The men crowded towards the doorway as Erb 
 went in that direction. 
 
 " Come back to us, old man," they cried. " We 
 want you. Can't you see that " 
 
 On the opposite side of the roadway below, warmly 
 jacketed for the autumn evening, a pleasant figure 
 walked with a slight limp to and fro. Regardless 
 of the circumstance that faces looked down from the 
 windows, Erb hurried across and kissed her. 
 
 Up the street they walked, arm-in-arm with each 
 other and arm-in-arm with happiness. 
 
 THE END 
 
PLYMOUTH 
 
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32 
 
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Fiction 
 
 33 
 
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34 
 
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36 
 
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