CORNELL UNIVERSITY LIBRARY PS laoQ-AT'igor""" "'""' ^^'SSf^iJa.^^,.:'^'^'"'^ ''ia'X, translated f 3 1924 021 993 930 The original of tliis book is in tine Cornell University Library. There are no known copyright restrictions in the United States on the use of the text. http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924021993930 WRITING HIS DIARY Wvttm Abam*js itar^ TRANSLATED FROM THE ORIGINAL MS. Ig ilark ©mattt ILLUSTRATED BY F. STROTHMANN NEW YORK AND LONDON HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS Uniform Edition of MARK TWAIN'S WORKS Red Cloth. Crown 8vo Christian Science. Illustrated. The American Claimant, Etc. A Connecticut Yankee, Illustrated HucKLEBEHHY FiNN. Illustrated The Prince and the Pauper. Illustrated Life on the Mississippi. Illustrated. The Man that Corrupted Hadletbuhg, Etc. Illustrated Tom Sawyer Abroad, Etc. Illuatrated Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Illustrated Pudd'nhead Wilson. Illustrated Sketches New and Old. Illustrated The S30,000 Bequest, Etc. Illustrated Innocents Abroad. Illuatrated. Roughing It. Illustrated A Tramp Abroad. Illustrated The Gilded Age. Illustrated Following the Equator. Illustrated Joan of Arc. Illustrated Other Books by Mark Twain Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven With Frontispiece Editorial Wild Oats. Illuatrated A Horse's Tale. Illustrated Extract's from Adam's Diary. Illustrated Eve's Diary. Illustrated A Dog's Tale. Illustrated The Jumping Frog. Illuatrated How TO Tell a Story, Etc. A Double-barrelled Detective Story. Ill'd Is Shakespeare Dead? HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK Copyright, 1893, by Undhehill & Nichols. Copyright, igoi, by Irving S. Underhill. Copyright, 1901, 1904, by Harpbr & Brothers. Published April, 1904. PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES QF AMERICA M-O [Note. — I translated a portion of tins diary some years ago, and a friend of mine printed a few copies in an incom-plete form,, but the public never got them. Since then I have deciphered some more of Adam's hieroglyphics, and think he has now become sufficiently important as a public character to justify this publication. — M. T.] lExtrarta JFrnm Abam*js Starg translated trom tbe original ^S. Extrarta from A&am'a itarg lExtrarts tlranslateO from tbe original ^S. Monday This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like this ; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals. . . . Cloudy to-day, wind in the east ; think we shall have rain. . . . We f Where did I get that word? ... I remember now — the new creature uses it. lExtrarlB from AJiatn'a iiarg 1£xtrart0 frnm A&am*a liar;y Tuesday Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing on the estate, I think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls — ^why, I am sure I do not know. Says it looks like Niagara Falls. That is not a reason; it is mere waywardness and imbecility. I get no chance to name anything my- self. The new creature names every- thing that comes along, before I can get in a protest. And always that same pretext is offered — it looks like the thing. There is the dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it one sees at a glance that it "looks like a dodo." It will have to keep that name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no good, anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do. 5 lExtrarta from AJuatn'a IBiarij Extrarta from Aiiatn'a liarg Wednesday Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to myself in peace. The new creature intruded. When I tried to put it out it shed water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it away with the back of its paws, and made a noise such as some of the other animals make when they are in distress. I wish it would not talk; it is always talking. That sounds like a cheap fling at the poor creature, a slur ; but I do not mean it so. I have never heard the human voice before, and any new and strange sound intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of these dreaming soli- tudes offends my ear and seems a false note. And this new sound is so close to me ; it is right at my shoulder, right at my ear, first on one side and 7 iExtrarta from A&atn'a iBtarg Extrarta from Aiiam'a Biarg Wednesday then on the other, and I am used only to sounds that are more or less dis tant from me. lExtrarta from Khnm's Itarij ?' i_ "jiauj '* -— — - ' lO iExtrarta frnm AiJam'a iianj Friday The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I had a very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty — Garden- of-Eden. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any longer pub- licly. The new creature says it is. all woods and rocks and scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. Says it looks like a park, and does not look like anything hut a park. Consequently, without con- sulting mq, it has been new-narned — Niagara Falls Park. This is su^iciently high-handed, it seems, to mq. And already there is a, sign-'up : KEEP OFF THE GRASS My life is not as happy as it was II ^xUntta from Abam'a itarg iExtrarta from AJJatn'a Stary Saturday The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run short, most Ukely. "We" again — that is its word ; mine too, now, from hearing it so much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go out in the fog myself. The new creature does. It goes out in all weathers, and stumps right in with its muddy feet. And talks. It used to be so pleasant and quiet here. 13 lExtrarta ftam Aiam'a itarg Extrarta fram AJ»am'a itary Sunday Pulled through. This day is get- ting to be more and more trying. It was selected and set apart last No- vember as a day of rest. I already had six of them per week, before. This morning found the new creature trying to clod apples out of that for- bidden tree. ExJrarta from Cham's itarg Sxtrarta from A&am'a iiarg Monday The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right, I have no objections. Says it is to call it by when I want it to come. I said it was superfluous, then. The word evidently raised me in its respect; and indeed it is a large, good word, and will bear repetition. It says it is not an It, it is a She. This is prob- ably doubtful ; yet it is all one to me ; what she is were nothing to me if she would but go by herself and not talk. 17 lExtrarta from Abam'a Starg lExtrarta, front Abam'a IBiarg Tuesday She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive signs : i;;^" This way to the Whirlpool. ' This way to Goat Island. 1^" Cave of the Winds this Way. She says this park would make a tidy summer resort, if there was any custom for it. Summer resort — an- other invention of hers — ^just words, without any meaning. What is a summer resort? But it is best not to ask her, she has such a rage for explaining. 19 Extrarta frnitt A&am'a Siarg 20 lExtrarta from Aiama iBtarg Friday She has taken to beseeching me to stop going over the Falls. What harm does it do? Says it makes her shudder. I wonder why. I have al- ways done it — always liked the plunge, and the excitement, and the coolness. I supposed it was what the Falls were for. They have no other use that I can see, and they must have been made for something. She says they were only made for scenery — like the rhinoceros and the mastodon. I went over the Falls in a barrel — not satisfactory to her. Went over in a tub — still not satisfactory. Swam the Whirlpool and the Rapids in a fig-leaf suit. It got much damaged. Hence, tedious complaints about my extrav- agance. I am too much hampered here. What I need is change of scene. 21 itxtrarta from Aiarn'o iiarg lExtrarta from Aiiam'a iBiarg Saturday I escaped last Tuesday night, and travelled two days, and built me an- other shelter, in a secluded place, and obliterated my tracks as well as I could, but she hunted me out by means of a beast which she has tamed and calls a wolf, and came making that pitiful noise again, and shed- ding that water out of the places she looks with. I was obliged to return with her, but will presently emigrate again, when occasion offers. She en- gages herself in many foolish things : among others, trying to study out why the animals called lions and tigers live on grass and flowers, when, as she says, the sort of teeth they wear would indicate that they were intended to eat each other. This is foolish, because to do that would be * 23 ^xtxuttB from A&am'a SOtarg 24 lExtrartB fxata Aiiam'fi Siary Saturday to kill each other, and that would in- troduce what, as I understand it, is called "death" ; and death, as I have been told, has not yet entered the Park. Which is a pity, on some ac- counts - 25 lExtrarta from A&am'a laiarg lExtrarta from Abam'a ^iarjf Sunday PtiUed through. 2^ lExtrarta frnm Aiiam'a Starg lExtrarta frnm Aiam'a Siarg Monday I believe I see what the week is for : it is to give time to rest up from the weariness of Sunday. It seems a good idea. . . . She has been climb- ing that tree again. Clodded her out . of it. She said nobody was looking. Seems to consider that a sufficient justification for chancing any danger- ous thing. Told her that. The word justification moved her admiration — and "envy too, I thought. It is a good word. 29 iExJrarta from Abam'a itarg 3° lExtrarta frnnt Aham'a Siarjj Thursday She told me she was made out of a rib taken from my body. This is at least doubtful, if not more than that. I have not missed any rib. . . . She is in much trouble about the buzzard; says grass does not agree with it; is afraid she can't raise it ; thinks it was intended to live on decayed flesh. The buzzard must get along the best it can with what is provided. We cannot overturn the whole scheme to accommodate the buzzard. 31 iExtrartB from Aiiant'a itarg Extrarts from AJiiam'a Itarg Saturday She fell in the pond yesterday, when she was looking at herself in it, which she is always doing. She nearly strangled, and said it was most un- comfortable. This made her sorry for the creatures which live in there, which she calls fish, for she continues to fasten names on to things that don't need them and don't come when they are called by them, which is a matter of no consequence to her, as she is such a numskull anyway; so she got a lot of them out and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep warm, but I have noticed them now and then all day, and I don't see that they are any hap- ; pier there than they were before, only quieter. When night comes I shall throw them out-doors. I will not 33 lExtrarta from A&am'H Itarg .>;Sf-'^i*ii2^ts:'" 34 Extrarta from AJiam'a itarg Saturday sleep with them again, for I find them clammy and unpleasant to lie among when a person hasn't anything on. 3.5 i£xtrart0 from AJJam'B itarg Extrarta from Aiam'a itary Sunday Pulled through. 37 lExtrarta from A&atn'a Starg Sxtrarta fvam Aiam'a Biary Tuesday She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are glad, for she was always experimenting with them and bothering them; and I am glad, because the snake talks, and this en- ables me to get a rest. 39 lExtrarta from Abant'a Itarg 40 lExtrarta tram Khnm's Stara Friday She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of that tree, and says the result will be a great and fine and noble education. I told her there would be another result, too — it would introduce death into the world. That was a mistake — it had been bet- ter to keep the remark to myself; it only gave her an idea — she could save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh meat to the despondent lions and tigers. I advised her to keep away from the tree. She said she wouldn't. I foresee trouble. Will emigrate. 4.1 Extrarta from Aham'a Siarg Extratta from Aiiatn'a Siarg Wednesday I have had a variegated time. I escaped that night, and rode a horse all night as fast as he could go, hop- ing to get clear out of the Park and hide in some other country before the trouble should begin; but it was not to be. About an hour after sunup, as I was riding through a flowery plain where thousands of animals were grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other, according to their wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest of frightful noises, and in one moment the plain was in a frantic commotion and every beast was de- stroying its neighbor. I knew what it meant — Eve had eaten that fruit, and death was come into the world. . . . The tigers ate my horse, paying no attention when I ordered them to 43 lExtrarta from A&ant'a itarg 44 lExtrarla from AJJam'a itarg Wednesday desist, and they would even have eaten me if I had stayed — which I didn't, but went away in much haste. ... I found this place, outside the Park, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but she has found me out. Found me out, and has named the place Tonawanda — says it looks like that. In fact, I was not sorry she came, for there are but meagre pickings here, and she brought some of those apples. I was obliged to eat them, I was so hungry. It was against my principles, but I find that principles have no real force except when one is well fed. . She came curtained in boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked her what she meant by such nonsense, andj snatched them away and threw them' 45 lExtrarta from Abam'a itarg lExtvntta frnm Aham'a liarg Wednesday down, she tittered and blushed. I had never seen a person titter and blush before, and to me it seemed un- becoming and idiotic. She said I would soon know how it was myself. This was correct. Hungry as I was, I laid down the apple half eaten — cer- tainly the best one I ever saw, con- sidering the lateness of the season — and arrayed myself in the discarded boughs and branches, and then spoke to her with some severity and ordered her to go and get some more and not make such a spectacle of herself. She did it, and after this we crept down to where the wild-beast battle had been, and collected some skins, and I made her patch together a couple of suits proper for public oc- casions, They are uncomfortable, it 47 ^£xtra»i'a itary Three Months Later odd that it should be the only one, yet it must be so, for I have worn myself out these many weeks trying to find another one to add to my collection, and for this one to play with; for surely then it would be quieter, and we could tame it more easily. But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and strangest of all, no tracks. It has to live on the ground, it cannot help itself; there- fore, how does it get about without leaving a track? I have set a dozen traps, but they do no good. I catch all small animals except that one; animals that merely go into the trap out of curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for. They never drink it. 69 lExtrarta from Abatn'a Starg C^V M 1 \ N ■T ■ ■«■■ ■■ * r ' '*■ ' t^is*' h strat-K '^^ ' ' u.-, 84 lExtrartH front Aham'a Stara Next Day I have been comparing the new one with the old one, and it is per- fectly plain that they are the same breed. I was going to stuff one of them for my collection, but she is prejudiced against it for some reason or other; so I have relinquished the idea, though I think it is a mistake. It would be an irreparable loss to science if they should get away. The old one is tamer than it was, and can laugh and talk like the parrot, having learned this, no doubt, from being with the parrot so much, and having the imitative faculty in a highly de- veloped degree. I shall be astonished if it turns out to be a new kind of par- rot ; and yet I ought not to be aston- ished, for it has already been every- thing else it could think of, since those 8S lExtratta from AJ»am'B iiarg 1£xtratt0 from Aiiatti'0 itarg Next Day first days when it was a fish. The new one is as ugly now as the old one was at first; has the same sulphur- and-raw-meat complexion and the same singular head without any fur oh it. She calls it Abel. 87 Sxtrarta ftnm Abam's liarg lExtrarta frntn A&am'a Siary Ten Tears Later They are boys ; we found it out long ago. It was their coming m. that small, immature shape that puzzled us ; we were not used to it. There are some girls now. Abel is a good boy, but if Cain had stayed a bear it wotdd have improved him. After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. At first I thought she talked too much; but now I should be sorry to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life. Blessed be the chestnut that brought us near together and taught me to know the goodness of her heart and the sweetness of her spirit! THE END 89