wrnmimm Qfomll Imueratt}} SIthrarg Uttjant, 2f«n fork BOUGHT WITH THE INCOME OF THE SAGE ENDOWMENT FUND THE GIFT OF HENRY W. SAGE 1891 Cornell University Library PR5112.N89M6 Mrs. Montague Jones' dinner party:or, Re 3 1924 013 530 575 Cornell University Library The original of this book is in the Cornell University Library. There are no known copyright restrictions in the United States on the use of the text. http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924013530575 =tr» With%hiweeK illusti^tioHI^ MRS. MONTAGUE JONES' DINNER PART Y OR, REMINISCENCES OF CHELTENHAM LIFE AND MANNERS. BY J. J. NUNN, B.A., AUTHOR OF "SPERO MELIORA," "POETIC WAIFS AND STRAYS," ETC. ETC. LONDON: JOHN CAMDEN HOTTEN, PICCADILLY. 1872. \AU Rights are ?-pserivi?,'\ DUBLTN : PRINTED AT THE UNIVERSITY PRESS, BY M. H. GILL. PREFACE, — *'6 s «y3^»'~ N the following pages I have en- deavoured to depict the various characters that I have met in fashion- able society in Cheltenham in this the latter half of the nineteenth century. I have striven not to overdraw any of the characters, but leave them, as described in print, very much as I myself have met the individuals. How far I have succeeded I must leave the reader himself to judge. iv Preface. The critics may raise the objection, that there is not sufficient plot or tale throughout the book; but I presume, that they can hardly blame me for what I have not even attempted to. do — namely, to write a complete or sensa- tional novel. To Mr. Furniss, the artist, I must tender my best acknowledgments, for the able manner in which he has illus- trated with his pencil (and thus pre- sented before the eye of the reader) what I have only been able to present mentally. With a generous " British Public " I now leave this work, having some confi- dence that it will meet with at least a fair Preface. v share of their patronage and appro- bation ; and that Mrs. Montague Jones may be found both on the lists of the circulating libraries of the United King- dom, and on the book- shelves in many private residences. With the hope that her company may help to wile away and amuse many an otherwise tedious hour, I beg to subscribe myself, Faithfully yours, The Author. CONTENTS CHAPTER I. Page. DESCRIBES MES. MONTAGUE JONES, AND MR. MONTAGUE JONES ; ALSO MR. WILLIAM SYK.ES IS INTRODUCED TO THE READER. THE WONDERFUL CURE OF PONTO, MRS. JONES' DOG, IS RELATED. A LAWSUIT CONCERNING A DOG J MISS DEUXTEMPS IS ALSO DESCRIBED ; AND LASTLY, THE HONOURABLE LIONEL LAZYLEGS, SON OP MY LORD BAREACRES, I CHAPTER II. DESCRIBES MISS SMILES, WHO ENTERTAINS A SORT OF TENDER FEELING FOR MR. GUSTAVUS JELLY ; HOW SHE PLAYED ON THE PIANO THE OTHER EVENING, BUT DID NOT JOIN THE DANCERS ; MISS SMILES' ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE OF SCARBOROUGH, FILEY, CASTLE HOWARD, ETC. MR. GUSTAVUS JELLY ; HIS APPEARANCE ; HIS FONDNE8S FOR CHELTENHAM ; HI8MIGRATIONS TO HAR- ROWGATE ; THE GREAT NUMBER OF PARTIES HE GOES TO IN THE ONE NIGHT. MISS TIPTOP IS NEXT NOTICED; HER SKILL AS AN OARSWOMAN ; IS ALSO A GOOD HORSEWOMAN ; SHE BEATS A GENTLEMAN AT BILLIARDS. CAPTAIN HEEHAW, THE "ARBITER ELEGANTIARUM ;" THE MEN TAKE A RISE OUT OF HIM ; HIS STORY ABOUT viii Contents. Page. JONES LLOYD ; HE DOES NOT APPROVE OF EITHER BATH, LEAMINGTON, OB LEICESTER J CAPTAIN HEEHAW'S IMPOSINO APPEARANCE AT THE BALL ; HIS BROTHER M. C. AT BATH, AS DESCRIBED BY MR. CHARLES DICKENS, . . . . . 32 CHAPTER III. INTRODUCES THE READER TO MY LADY BROADGAUGE ; HER HUSBAND IS DIRECTOR OF A RAILWAY ; HER HAND- SOME RESIDENCE AT ALBERT GATE, HYDE PARK ; HER DINNER AND HER GUESTS MENTIONED IN THE MORNING POST ; LADY BROADGAUGE'8 ANTAGONIST, MRS. SNAE.L- IXG ; LADY B.'S COURT DRESS ; MRS. SNARLING's DITTO ; THE WRITER GIVES A SHORT LECTURE TO THE TWO LADIES. THE REV. MR. DOVECOTE, HIS EASTERN TOUR ; THE ARAB DONKEY BOYS ; THE NEVER-FAIL-TO-BE- FOUND MAN IN THE SHOOTING COAT, WHO TURNS OUT TO BE A " PERFIDIOUS ISLANDER ;" THE NATIVE PHY- SICIAN'S CURE ; " ASSOUAN,'' THE ASCENT OF THE NILE ; ATRA CUBA IS IN THE EAST ; THE FLEA ; MR. THACKE- RAY'S BUG DISAPPOINTER ; A LITTLE GIRL ASKS IF IT BITES ; " MISS BADEN ;'' PAPA IS TAKEN IN AT COLOGNE ; MISS PRINCE'S GERMAN IS NOT UNDERSTOOD BY THE GERMANS ; MISS BADEN'S BROTHER TOM READS FOR HIS "LITTLE-GO;" HE ACTUALLY CUTS UP mamma's BEAUTIFUL PUCE SILK DRESS FOR A RACING JACKET ; HIS PAPA DOES NOT LIKE HIM TO FREQUENT THE GAM- ING TABLES; THE " OULD COw's HORN;" LADY STIFF- NECK ON THE RHINE ; LORD STI1 FNECK ABUSES THE LANGUAOE, THE DINNERS, THE ROADS, THE MONEY, AND NEARLY EVERYTHING ELSE IN DEUTSCHLAND : TOM'S Contents. ix Page. ULTRA-FRENCH COSTUME. MR. BRIEF, Q. C, 18 NEXT INTRODUCED ; IS A VERY NOTABLE PERSON ; THE TRIAL OF DREDLINCOURT VERSUS DREDLINCOURT ; COLONEL SLIGO'S GREAT DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER CASE ; THE WIT AND HUMOUR OF MR. BRIEF, Q. C. ; MR. BRIEF IS NOT OF A SHY DISPOSITION, NOR DOES HE SPEAK AS IF THE LAST REMAINING BUTTON ON HIS CLOTHES WAS FALLING OFF, 52 CHAPTER IV. MISS FANNY SMILES : NOT MUCH WILL BE SAID ABOUT HER BECAUSE . MAJOR GOLUMPU8 IS NEXT INTRO- DUCED ; HIS FONDNESS FOR GOOD FARE, HIS GREAT EXPLOIT IN INDIA, ABOUT WHICH THE MAJOR DRAWS THE " LONG BOW ;" THE MAJOR'S RECIPE FOR A SALAD. YOUNG DE BOOTS TRYING TO ARGUE WITH THE MAJOR ABOUT THE QUALITY OF THE WINE. MRS. WHITMOKE, CALLED ALSO MRS. WRITEMORE — MESSRS. SOFTSAWDER AND DIDDLE ARE HER PUBLISHERS ; HER NOVEL CALLED " THE DUCHESS j" HER POETIC EFFUSIONS, " ODE TO A ROUGE POT," ETC. THE BOOK IS SOLD AT " THE LADIES' BABIES' BIB-AND-TUCKER BAZAAR." THE BIR- MINGHAM CHICKEN GETS A COPY OF THE BOOK OF POETRY, WHICH HE KEEPS IN HIS BACK PARLOUR- SIR JONAS BROADGAUGE ; IS A DIRECTOR OF THE GREAT NORTH AND SOUTH JUNCTION RAILWAY ; DOES NOT SPEAK MUCH ABOUT SHARES AT DINNER PARTIES J THE CHELSEA CHAIN PIER TKIAL ; THE BRIDGE IS FLAT, THE SHARES ARE FLATTER, THE SHAREHOLDERS FLATTEST OF ALL ; SIR JONAS BROADGAUGe's PORTRAIT, AS SEEN AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY EXHIBITION, IOO x Contents. CHAPTER V. Pag THE SERVANTS IN CHELTENHAM ; THE SERVANTS' CLUE ; MR. CHARLES HAWK.ES' SPEECH ; MR. SNAFFLES' INTRO- DUCTION TO THE SERVANTS' CLUB; A SERVANT GIVES UP HIS "APPOINTMENT" BECAUSE THE FAMILY GOES TO HIKLAND, THE CLIMATE OF WHICH COUNTRY IS TOO MOIST FOR HIS CONSTITUTION, AND HE WOULD, MORE- OVER, GET OUT OP HIS CIRCLE OF ACQUAINTANCE ; THE YOUNG SERVANT IN WHITE LIVERY — HIS INEBRIATED CONDITION ; HIS RETURN TO HIS MASTER'S HOUSE DE- SCRIBED ; THE AUTHOR'S FAREWELL TO HIS READERS, 1 4 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS. Brawn by Fnrniss. Engraved by Ranlon. Page. The Servants' Starry, Frontispiece. Mr. William Sykes, . ... . . . . 10 •Miss Deuxtemps, . . . . 23 The Honorable Lionel Lazylegs, ... . 26 Gustavus Jelly, Esq, 37 Lady Bboadgauge, 53 The Rev. Mr. Dovecote, as he appeared, at the Pyra- mids, . . • 62 Miss Babes, 7 2 Mr. Garrett, a skilful Attorney 94 Mrs. Whitmore, an Authoress, 118 The Servants' Club, .... . . • . 148 'Andsum Jeames, 160 Irolmjm. jlOOD Reader, in these pages you will find People of various traits, of various mind. Mrs. J.'s dog will show upon the stage {For dogs, you know, are still the mark, — the rage;) In every fashionable house you' 11 see A dog recline on mat or on my lady's knee. Bill Sykes — with teeth knocked out, of furtive glance, — Will cure the dog, — a poodle brought from France. Miss Deuxtemps next will grace the glowing ball, And whirl with ease, but not without a fall; Li. is the man who shared in the false slip, A youth with manhood's early down on lip. xii Prologue. Miss Smiles is next, with Jelly by her side: List to his talk, hear now his empty pride. Miss Tip Top see, who shines at hunt or ball, Swift in the dance, or neat at four foot wall. But whose the padded coat ? the polished mien ? Hee Haw is he, the M. C, that's his name. Shade ofBeau. Brummel, hide your ' minis hed head, Fashion is now by Hee Haw proudly led. My Lady Broadgauge next; and now 'tis plain, Her Lord is fond of Rails, — she fond of Train, A Courtly Train, I mean, not nasty thing From which Sir J. his fellows headlong fling. But who is this, with cleric dress and mien, That so much Eastern sea and clime has seen ? From silent college walls, and classic lore He thence repairs to Egypt's sunny shore : Dovecote his name; and, seated by his side, Miss Baden see, with spice of ' travell 'd pride, Who lisps of Paris, Rome, the Rigi, Rhine — Prologue. And thinks the prospects from the last divine. Brief is the next, — learned in England's law, Pliant of tongue, and sharp at legal flaw, Whom listening Senates welcome with delight, As fleet the hours fly by through silent night. JSIiss Smiles is next, — loth lovely, gaaceful, fair BRIEF atid herself are, sure, a well matched pair Beauty and talent see now here combine, Venus the golden Apollo's bays entwine. Next is the stern Alajor named Golumpus, A man, I ween, who ?nakes a precious rumpus; If his dinner is not well cooked, quite hot, Hill doom the cook to most unhappy lot; Wlio talks of skirmish, battle, siege, and fight, And how he stormed the near-untrodden height. But now, an authoress appears in vieri'. Her stockings surely arc of blueish hue. A lady's stockings— fie ! —what did I say ? T must not speak in such unguarded way. xiv Prologue. Know, sir, this lady's shook Parnassus' heights, With poetic fervour, her ditto flights ; " The Rouge Pot Ode" has brought her praise and credit; Ask each in turn, " have you bought it — read it?" Sir Broadgauge last, who talks of bulls and bears, And of those artful, wily, shares and snares, Laid to catch those who have abundant cash, Yet oft they come to most unhappy crash. Full well I know, for I have dabbled too, In Shares and Snares, and do my folly rue. And now my song is sung, my rhyming ended, And if the rhyme is bad, perhaps I'll mend it. ' Till then, this is but all I ask of you: To give me praise where praise alone is due; But, if the writing is not good, why, marry, The pictures must be good, for they're by Harry. Furniss Pinxit. J/RS. MONTAGUE JONES' DINNER PARTY. CHAPTER I. DESCRIBES MBS. MONTAGUE JONES, AND MB. MONTAGUE JONES ; ALSO MR. WILLIAM STILES IS INTRODUCED TO THE READER. THE WONDERFUL CUBE OF PONTO, MRS. JONES' DOG, IS RE- LATED A LAWSUIT CONCERNING A DOG ; MISS DErXTEMPS IS ALSO DESCBIBED ; AND LASTLY, THE HONOURABLE LIONEL LAZYLEGS, SOS OF MY LORD BAREACRES. EADER, allow me to introduce to your notice Mr. and Mrs. Monta- gue Jones, who reside in Cheltenham, at Montpellier House, a spacious residence in the outskirts of Cheltenham. With vour permission, I shall first describe 2 Mrs. Montague fanes' Dinner Party. Mrs. Jones, as she is a great deal more than Mr. Jones' better half, he being merely a fraction, while Mrs. J. is the sum total, or nearly- so. Ill-natured people (and there are always some of these everywhere) say that Jones' name is Benjamin Jones, or as the people in the city used to call him, "Big Jones" — a lucus a non lucendo — and that, after he married Mrs. Jones, he suddenly came out as Mr. Montague Jones. Certainly there are no Montagues on his side of the house, and there are very grave doubts if there be any on Mrs. Jones' side either. But, however, let this pass. It is quite a curiosity to see Mr. and Mrs. Jones walking down the promenade Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 3 in Cheltenham. You would think that they must somehow have changed places — that he would make a better woman than Mrs. Jones, and that she would make a decidedly fine man, of the jolly, well-fed, good-natured sort. Then there was Ponto, their dog, a large white French poodle, whom every boy in Chel- tenham knew, and whom they would call after by name. Mrs. Jones, when she engaged a man- servant, always made it a point to ask if he understood the management of dogs, as he would be expected to wash and dress Ponto, and look after his wardrobe — the said wardrobe consisting of a jacket, which was attached to his person during the b 2 4 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. winter, something - like a racehorse's cloth- ing, minus the clothing for the neck. He had also to be clipped from time to time, but this important operation was entrusted to a French canine artist in London, who had entirely gained the confidence of Mrs. Jones, though there was another artist, who resided about the Pont Neuf, in Paris, who was highly extolled also. Monsieur Friponnier was the artist's name : if any of my readers should require his services, or rather any of my readers' dogs. Poor Ponto's stomach being deranged last sea- son, the Cheltenham doctor, Dr. Softly, M. D., author of many learned works on the stomach and intestinal canal, was consulted. Of course it was quite a fa- Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 5 vour that Dr. Softly came at all ; but Mrs. Jones entreated him to come and see her favourite, and Softly accordingly came ; but as Mrs. Jones herself felt in- disposed that day, the dog. medicine and his mistress' recipe were written on the same elegant gold-edged note paper. But, alas, Dr. Softly, author of "Dis- eases of the Intestinal Canal," and other works, was unable to effect a cure. Ponto would growl at the Doctor in a defiant manner, show a row of very white teeth, and contrary to the usages of his country, 1 act in a most discourteous manner towards a stranger : indeed, at times, the Doctor's ' The reader is requested to remember that Pontp came from La Belle France. 6 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. leg appeared in imminent danger of being transfixed by the before-mentioned white teeth. But the cure that could not be effected by Mr. Softly was effected by Mr. William Sykes — or as he is familiarly called, Bill Sykes— ofBlackfriars-road, London. lam not aware that Mr. Sykes has studied in any college. Mr. Sykes' mode of entering a room was peculiar — quite different from Dr. Softly, M. D.'s elegant manner. Mr. Sykes' appearance was not very prepos- sessing, his hair being cut very short, so that it appeared as if it were clipped as close as it possibly could with a scissors, without injuring the head ; at each side, on the cheek, he had a twist of hair, Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 7 curled round almost into a circle, oiled and. greased into uncommon stiffness ; his trowsers were very tight, and his feet encased in highlows ; several of his front teeth were knocked out; and, to a judge's eye, he looked very much like a member, or rather ex-member of the P. R. It was the Honourable Lionel Lazylegs who introduced Mr. Sykes to the notice of Mrs. Montague Jones. The Honourable Lionel is, as all the world knows, son of my Lord Bare- acres, and became acquainted with Sykes whilst pursuing his studies at Oxford, which, as report speaks, came to an abrupt termination after the first Term only was passed, and a career of much 8 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Parly. promise (as he himself says) brought to an untimely conclusion. After much persuasion, Mrs. Jones, when in London for the season, was induced to let Mr. Sykes take Ponto away with him ; and Mr. Sykes declared on oath (a habit to which he was somewhat addicted), and promised before several witnesses, that he would not starve or ill-treat Ponto. But, sad to relate, though Ponto came back cured of the internal derangement, he now appeared so dreadfully thin that his mistress was inconsolable ; and, in- deed, on his first showing his new figure to Mrs. Jones, that kind-hearted lady burst into tears. I have been thus far discursive about Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 9 Ponto, because he is so important a personage in Montpellier House that it would be quite incomplete to write about Mr. and Mrs. Jones, and not give some account of the mighty Ponto. I would, if time permitted, have told also all about the trial that took place about Ponto, on account of the exorbi- tant demand made by Professor Sykes for the cure of the dog. Messrs. Catchim, Shakehim, and Tearim, the eminent at- torneys, employed Mr. Charles Busfuz, a near relation of that eminent lumi- nary of the law, mentioned by Mr. Charles Dickens, who delivered a most powerful speech. I have no doubt it is printed in full in the morning papers, io Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. and, perhaps, has found its way into the Law Reports. Ah, here it is, reader — how fortunate, I have just found it. " William Sykes versus Montague Jones." "This was an action brought by the plaintiff, who described himself as a ' Canine Doctor,' against the defendant, who resides at Cheltenham. Plaintiff had an infirmary for dogs in the neigh- bourhood of Blackfriars - road, London. He was given the dog to cure of gross obesity and derangement of the sto- mach. The defendant, when in Lon- don, drove to his establishment, and said she had at last resolved to entrust the dog to his care, to have its some- ffiftls Mr. "William Sykes. Portrait of Mr. Sykes, as he appeared after the verdict given against him (Sykes versus Montague Jones). [p. 10. Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 1 1 what extravagant proportions reduced, et cetera. " So the plaintiff took charge of the sufferer, removed its obesity and de- rangement of the stomach, and brought back the animal to the defendant. When he did so, he was asked his charges, and was then only offered (what do you think, reader ?) — £\$. This offer he spurned, as if an indig- nity had been offered him : his fee was not ^15, but ^25. The defendant had the ingratitude to lodge only this paltry £\$ in Court. "Plaintiff was examined by Mr. Wordy- man, Q. C. "Is a professor of the art of curing 1 2 Mrs. Montague fanes' Dinner Party.. dogs ; he was shocked and hurt at the behaviour of the defendant. In place of settling an annuity of ^100 a year upon him for his services [laughter], they thought to put him off in this contemptible way ; it was all very well until the dog was cured. Plaintiff took the brute to sleep in his own room, and used to get up to attend on him at midnight [laughter] ; he had been most successful, and brought the dog back again to Mrs. Jones in Lon- don. When he gave the dog up, Mrs. Jones asked his charge, when he replied £15. 'O,' she said, 'that is exorbi- tant,' and she only offered him ^15- Plaintiff refused to take it, and she de- sired him to come again on the follow- Mrs. Montague Jones* Dinner Part)'. 1 3 ing morning ; he did go, and met Captain Hee Haw there ; and even the ^15 the Captain would not give him, although the dog got the best of beef- steaks at is. a pound, and most expen sive medicines for twenty- one days into the bargain. " Charles Hawkes, examined, and proved the delivery of the dog to plain- tiff. This witness proceeded to state, that his mistress, when she brought it to be cured, kissed it and wished it good bye, as if it was a Christian ; and said ' God bless you, Ponto' [roars of laughter, in which the learned Judge appeared to join]. " Mr. Serjeant Busfuz denounced the 1 4 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. bringing- of this case into the Superior Courts. It might have been disposed of by the County Chairman for a few shillings ; as for the merits of the plain- tiff's case there were none. Captain Hee Haw, the respected master of the ceremonies at Cheltenham, would be examined, who would prove that this soi-disant professor had told him that the dog drank two guineas' worth of the best port. "As to any ridicule being cast upon Mrs. Jones, his client, for her love for her dog, he (Mr. Serjeant Busfuz) could see no cause for laughter. That emi- nent man, Dugald Stewart, in his work on ' Moral Philosophy,' speaking of the ' Desire of Society,' says, p. 33 : — Mrs. Montague yonei Dinner Party. 15 " ' We feel ourselves in an unnatural state when in a state of solitude, and, by making companions of the lower animals, or by attaching ourselves to inanimate objects, strive to fill up the void of which we are conscious.' " Mrs. Jones, I am sure, when Mr. Jones has been at his club, has felt this void, this blank, filled up by the ca- resses of the now famous Ponto. Gen- tlemen of the jury, was it unreasonable, I ask, that my client should endeavour, when she saw Ponto' s once graceful, lithe figure growing coarser and more rotund every day — was it unreasonable, I ask, when she saw that his jackets were no longer large enough to protect 1 6 Mrs. Montague fanes' Dinner Party. his body from the cold of our northerly climate — was it absurd to endeavour to reduce his proportions, and make him once more an object of attraction and admiration to the promenaders in Chel- tenham ? I fearlessly answer, and I am sure it would be your own answer also — certainly not. " A verdict was given for defendant. " And now, dear readers, to some of you I must pen a little sermonette. While many of you, like Mrs. Montague Jones, cry over the sickness of your dogs, and pay ^15 to get them cured of their grossness, do you attend to the sick of your own species ? Do you pay a single ^15 per annum ? — nay, a Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 1 7 single ^5 per ditto? — nay, a single £1 per ditto for the relief of your sick neighbours ? Whilst some of you attend to your "Tiny's" or your " Ponto' s" jackets, do you also try to clothe the naked ? Ponto has at least a natural jacket of hair, but remember many bi- peds there are who have no decent clothing to keep out the winter's cold. Should not, then, many of us cry "Peccavi," " Peccavi ?" You see I have not penned a long sermon, but it is pithy, I hope. And now, as I have concluded the discourse with the renowned Ponto, and Mrs. Montague Jones for my text, I beg to be permitted to resume, and will, 1 8 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. therefore, hasten to describe those that were asked to the dinner party, and the conversation and manner of the guests. Before I proceed further, I beg to present my readers with the accom- panying diagram, which, I hope, will tend to show clearly the manner in which the guests were disposed at the hospitable board of Mrs. Montague Jones : SB Miss Deuxtemps. Hon. Lionel Lazylegs. 1 Miss Smiles. 1 Mr. G. Jelly. Capt. Heehaw, M. C. Miss Tiptop. Dishes. Dishes. Dishes. g Hi 3 d oo to ■S 5 S » Dish.es. Dishes. Dishes. A Major Golumpus. J Miss Fanny Smiles. I Rev. Mr. Dovecote. Mrs. Whitmore. j Mr. Brief, Q. C. [ Miss Baden-Baden. Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 19 Mr. Montague Jones is, as we before said, in stature very small ; he appears to be quite under the orders of Mrs. Jones, who is the devotee of fashion. Mr. Jones is rather, or, indeed, alto- gether, inclined for quietness, but ac- quiesces in all Mrs. Jones' wishes for fashionable life with a good-natured ac- quiescence. Mr. Jones would rather prefer a coun- try life, with farming, 1 magisterial duties, poor-law boards, &c, but Mrs. Jones says she would die of ennui in the country, so Jones has, as many other ' Unmindful of the lines which run thus : — " He that would drive fat oxen Should himself be fat." C 2 20 Mrs. Montague Jones Dinner Party. men have done before him, given up to his wife. He has, however, his gar- den, of which he is fond, and an extra- ordinary fancy for cockatoos, of which he has no less than twenty-five at the least ; these are prized for the beauty of their plumage, and are to be seen on a fine day ranged along a wall, sit- ting on the top of which they enjoy the sunshine, each with a chain to his leg. The light blue plumage, the red and blue, and, above all, a beautiful white bird, with a tinge of salmon colour under the wings, is the admiration of all be- holders. An odd taste, some will say, for a man to have, to keep all these birds ; Mrs. Montague fanes' Dinner Party, z i nevertheless, Mr. Jones would not part with his birds on any account ; and, as Mrs. Jones has Ponto as a pet, Mr. Jones contends he has a right to his twenty-five cockatoos. Mr. Jones keeps a couple of hunters ; but his hunting - consists principally in riding out to meet the hounds, and riding along roads so as to nick in with the hounds, certainly not in riding across country. He often, with Mrs. Jones, has some lady to escort, and he is very good-natured, as when asked he always takes charge of any lady who wishes an escort, being known to be most steady and considerate. Sometimes Mrs. Jones drives to the 2 2 Mrs. Montague Jones Dinner Party. meet with phaeton and pair of ponies. Often the ladies get up large riding parties to ride to Gloucester or Sudely, or the racecourse, or some such place ; and even on hunting days, and a good meet, Jones will be seen as one of the party. Jones keeps up a running fire of small talk about the London season that is just beginning ; about the opera ; his club, the dinners there ; the park, and who had the best turned-out carriage ; « about Spurgeon ; the debates in the house; about Gladstone, D' Israeli, Lowe, Lord Stanley ; the late Abyssinian war ; then of Baden-Baden — the roulette tables ; the table d'hote ; the couriers, Hiss Deuxtemps. [p. 23. Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 23 passports, picture galleries ; the best route to the Rhine, Paris, &c. Miss Deuxtemps. We will now glance round the table, and you will perceive Miss Deuxtemps and the Honourable Lionel at the left of the hostess. With the reader's per- mission I will describe them first, after the host and hostess, and thus go round the table from this starting-point. Place aux dames ! Miss Deuxtemps is, as her name intimates, rather a rapid young lady — she delights in fast dances ; and the Honourable Lionel is quite up to the mark in rapidity. Indeed, after 2\ Mrs. Montague Jonei Dinner Party. the champagne has circulated at supper, the Honourable Lionel's gyrations are of the most astounding rapidity; he has been known to quite tire down the whole of the dancers at a ball, and, with Miss Deuxtemps, to be the last to leave off in the waltz ; the fiddlers could fiddle no more, but if the fiddlers' arms were tired out, not so the Honour- able Lionel's legs ; indeed, though he had a habit of lounging about in the streets, he could quite change when under the inspiration of Terpsichore. Miss Deuxtemps dances a great deal with fast cavalry officers, and talks with rapture of the delightful season she spent at Brighton, and the splendid ball Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 25 given by the 7 th Hussars when she was there. On a late occasion Miss Deuxtemps and her partner were waltzing, when they came in contact with a couple who had just left off, and so great was the force of the collision that they knocked the couple down, and, as the newspapers would say, when speaking of a railway accident, precipitated them a consider- able distance along the line. " Nee dulces amores Sperne, puer, neque tu choreas." Miss Deuxtemps and the Honourable Lionel have a kind of standing flirta- tion always on. Indeed the Honourable Lionel has a very graceful way of pay- 26 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. ing compliments. Miss D. was just now saying how much she liked early rising in summer. "Ah," said the Honourable — "'Clarissa, early on the lawn, Steals roses from the blushing dawn.' " Miss D. — "Now, do be quiet with your nonsense." The Honourable Lionel. I cannot help saying that I have a considerable partiality (like nearly every one else) for the Honourable Lionel ; he has such a fund of good humour, and is so unaffected withal, that a stranger cannot help liking him even on a short acquaintance. The Honorable Lionel Lazylogs. [p. 20. Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 2 7 I think we have gained a little in- sight into his Oxford career, to which University he went after leaving Eton. Lord Bareacres had great hopes of his second son becoming a member of the bar, and he hoped a distinguished member ; but the Honourable Lionel was much more addicted to the study of dogs, horses, and rats, and pugilistic encounters, than the study of Virgil, Horace, Demosthenes, or Plato. Idle though he is, he has conside- rable abilities. In person he is of good height, fair complexion, hair of a light brown, and he is graceful and gentle- manlike in demeanour. It is understood that there is a quarrel 28 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. between the father and son, but the Honourable has had some cash left him by his mother, and he thinks he will spend this at all events in Cheltenham. Mr. William Sykes is a great admirer of the Honourable, and is supposed to have initiated him into the art of self- defence at Oxford : " For," said Mr. Sykes, " every ge'man ought to know how to defend hisself, caze, ye see, he can't tell when a row may turn up." But the Honourable Lionel has given up the casstus, as suited only for Fresh- men, and devotes his time and talents to the turf. Snaffles, his groom, is a great assistance to the Honourable, being a discarded hanger-on about a Mrs. Montague fanes' Dinner Party. 29 racing stable, in which he carried on some very fishy practices, and was ge- nerally supposed to have had the prin- cipal hand in administering croton oil to a leading favourite for the Derby some years ago. Snaffles, however, has become more circumspect, and alludes to his youthful days as a period of his life when he was young and foolish. Mr. Snaffles is a member of the Ser- vants' Club, and is one of the manag- ing committee of that institution, which is held at a neighbouring green-grocer's in a central position in the town. But we are digressing. — The Honourable Lionel has been somewhat fortunate on the turf, as he has won a good sum on 30 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. a recently run Derby, and has figured successfully across country on his own horse, called "Binks the Bagman." Miss "Deuxtemps" does not like the name, and teases the Honourable to change it, but on this point he is inex- orable. Mr. Snaffles prides himself very much on the high state of training that Binks had been got into ; but I think as much credit is due to the Honour- able for the way he rode his horse. But, dear reader, if, as I have already said, the Honourable Lionel is not in- clined to study Virgil, Horace, Demos- thenes, or Plato, yet, in effect, he fol- lows the advice of the cheerful Flaccus ; for does not the said Flaccus write as Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 3 1 follows, and does not the Honourable pursue the advice so admirably rendered into English by Professor Conington ? Here it is — " Oh, ask not what the morn will bring, But count as gain each day that chance May give you ; sport in life's young spring, Nor scorn sweet love, nor merry dance, While years are green, while sullen eld Is distant ; now the walk, the game, The whispered talk at sunset held, Each in his turn prefer their claim. Sweet, too, the laugh, whose feign'd alarm The hiding-place of beauty tells ; The token ravish'd from the arm, Or finger, that but ill rebels." Conington's Horace. CHAPTER II. DESCRIBES MISS SMILES, "WHO ENTERTAINS A SORT OF TENDER FEELING FOR MR. GUSTAVUS JELLY ; HOW SHE PLAYED ON THE PIANO THE OTHER EVENING, BUT DID NOT JOIN THE DANCERS J MISS SMILES' ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE OF SCARBO- ROUGH, FILEY, CASTLE HOWARD, ETC. MR. GUSTATUS JELLY ; HIS APPEARANCE ; HIS FONDNESS FOR CHELTENHAM ; HIS MI- GRATIONS TO HARROGATE ; THE GREAT NUMBER OF PARTIES HE GOES TO IN THE ONE NIGHT. MISS TIPTOP IS NEXT NOTICED ; HER SKILL AS AN OARSWOMAN ; IS ALSO A GOOD HORSEWOMAN ; SHE BEATS A GENTLEMAN AT BILLIARDS. CAPTAIN HEEHAW, THE "ARBITER ELEGANTIARUM ;" THE MEN- TAKE A RISE OUT OF HIM ; HIS STORY ABOUT JONES LLOYD ; HE DOES NOT APPROVE OF EITHER BATH, LEAMINGTON, OR LEICESTER ; CAPTAIN HEEHAW'S IMPOSING APPEARANCE AT THE BALL ; HIS BROTHER M. C. AT BATH, AS DESCRIBED BY MR. CHARLES DICKENS. Miss Smiles S a young lady of enbonpoint ap- | pearance. She is, as her title denotes, the elder of the two sisters, and considers, therefore, we presume, Mrs :' Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 33 she should go off first (I mean in matrimony). En passant, dear reader, how is it that in some families, where two young ladies are going out, and the younger of the two is considerably the nicer-looking and more agreeable, that, if any young man approaches, it is, nevertheless, expected that he should devote his attentions (especially if of any serious nature) to the elder only. Her sister, Miss Fanny Smiles, is the taller, slighter, and in every way the nicer-looking, so that, I regret to say, she gets better and more partners than her elder sister. Miss Smiles does not, therefore, look on her sister with entire approbation, but thinks she is forward, 34 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. and laughs too loud at times. Miss Smiles has been making some prelimi- nary attacks on the heart of Gustavus Jelly ; but Gustavus will, in the writer's opinion, and in that of many others, go on probably for the next fifty years as he is doing now, and matrimony is not what comes within the range of his philosophy. Gustavus and Miss Smiles are certainly somewhat suited to each other, as in point of intellectual endow- ments they are very much on a par, and their talents, when clubbed together, would not be overpowering. But to make up for some outward failings, Miss Smiles has a very good knowledge of music, and her touch and Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 35 execution on the piano are beyond me- diocrity. Miss Smiles is very good- natured about her playing, as the other day she played for a considerable time (which I myself was witness of) for some dancers — indeed it altogether prevented her dancing; to be sure, the Honour- able Lionel, who could not join at all (on account of a fall he got out hunt- ing), was the greater part of the even- ing sitting at the piano near her; but, surely, that had nothing to say to the matter at all. Miss Smiles has just been conversing with Mr. Jelly about Scarborough, and talking especially of the castle there, and of the hotels, and which is the best, d 2 36 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. and of the Crown Hotel and the table d'hote; and of Flamborough Head, and York Minster, and of Filey and Whitby, and the jet ornaments ; and Lord Car- lisle's Seat (Castle Howard), and the picture of the Three Marys, and how it is hid in the wall ; and the shame- ful way that the people ride on the strand with the hired horses, to the great risk of life and limb of those that are walking ; and how she made a collection of seaweed ; and how such thousands come by train to Scarbo- rough from York, Manchester, Leeds, &c, &c, and then find that there is no room in the town, and that they have, as a last resource, to hire a Guslavus Jelly, Esq. Mrs. Montague Jonef Dinner Party. 37 bathing-box at a fabulous price to sleep in. All this kind of conversation Gustavus Jelly can quite enter into, as he knows nearly every watering-place in England of any note. Mr. Gustavus Jelly. Mr. Jelly is in stature of middle height, has fair and quite straight hair, which he divides in the centre ; whiskers also fair and well brushed out ; his com- plexion is pink and white, and on which the late hours and heated rooms seem to have had little or no effect. He is particularly neat in his dress and per- son, and is, I suppose, what some ladies 38 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. would term a nice young man. At first you would think favourably of him ; but, alas ! he has that lisping and un- meaning voice that betrays the character of the man. He sings a little, plays a little, flirts, rides, and dances ; he con- siders himself quite an authority about ladies' dresses, has a great deal of small talk, and thinks that a watering-place like Cheltenham is the only fit place for a man to live in. Not that he is always in Cheltenham ; far from it. Mr. Jelly, as I said before, knows nearly every watering-place in England ; and so nicely does he adjust the time, that, when the gaiety is over in Cheltenham, he migrates to some Mrs. Montague fanes' Dinner Party. 39 other place where the season is coming on. Harrogate sees him often in the autumn, and he is generally on the ball committee at the Green Dragon. Mr. Jelly is more ornamental than useful, and belongs to the non -laborious and non-industrial class, for they " toil not, neither do they spin." The number of parties that Mr. G. J. attends in one evening is to me quite astounding. I reckoned them the other day, and the number of visits, &c, quite upset me. First, Mr. G. J. went to pay some morning calls (this was merely a little trifling affair) ; then came a flower show at 3 o'clock ; then a dinner party at 40 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. Mrs. Goldplas', at 7 o'clock ; then a musical at Mrs. Dolche's, where the great Signor Tenori sung at a fee of twenty-five guineas the night, and four songs only allowed ; then a ball at Im- perial-square ; then another in Lans- downe-place ; then another at 37, Pro- menade, where he what is termed looked in at ; then G. J. gravitated to Pittville, where he finished the ball-going part of the evening ; and then concluded, with oysters, porter, and devilled bones, at the Imperial Club, a tolerably good day's work, one would say, when kept up every day in the week. Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 4 1 Miss Tiptop. Miss Tiptop is the only daughter of a Yorkshire baronet, and has derived from her father and brothers a great taste for sporting of all kinds ; her mother is an invalid (or rather con- siders herself such), and Miss Tiptop has, consequently, been thrown very much amongst the society of her bro- thers and father. With all her sporting tastes, Miss Tiptop is quite the lady. On a recent occasion the writer was with a friend visiting her father at Hampton Court, where they had taken a house by the year, when, being on the river, I was 42 Mrs. Montague fanes' Dinner Party. quite astonished at Miss Tiptop's skill as an oarswoman. She appeared quite able to steer, row, back water, and per- form any of the mysteries of aquatic # life. Nor was this all, for my friend, hav- ing rashly accepted a challenge to a game of billiards, Miss Tiptop beat him in the most ignominious manner. In spite of all his excuses about not know- ing the table, I suspect he was no match for Miss Tiptop. But it is in the hunting field that my heroine shines conspicuously ; she is a true scion of the Tiptop family ; for, as the tenants say, there never was one of them that could not ride well. Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 43 Her father has been for a long time a master of fox hounds. She talks of the great Dunchurch run with the War- wickshire, of the Crick run with the Pitchley, and the Bilsdon Coplow run, as if she herself had partaken of the sport. Miss Tiptop is at present in high glee at the prospect of being one of the riding party in the morning that are to go to the meet of the Cotswold, at the six-milestone on the London road. Miss Tiptop is going to ride on her own mare, Norma, whilst Miss Deuxtemps has arranged with Mr. Reeves for the best lady's mare in his stable. 44 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. Captain Heehaw. Captain Heehaw, M. C, and " Arbi- ter Elegantiarum " — for he is binomial — is, of course, a well-known character in Cheltenham ; he is devotedly attached to the town, and thinks that the words of a local bard are absolutely true that commence thus — "Where is the town in all this land Can be compared to Cheltenham ?" He is a man of tall and commanding appearance, and has a perpetual smile hovering about his smooth and well- shaved countenance ; he can talk of mi- litary matters to the men, also about the Cotswold Hunt, the Oxfordshire and Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 45 Sir Maurice Berkeley's ; and with the ladies he can talk about the last ball and the forthcoming ones ; about the ° a week, an injury of a serious character had G 2 84 Mrs. Montague yones 1 Dinner Party. been done his (Mr. Boshley's) client, and if the jury awarded him pecuniary com- pensation for that injury, such compen- sation would be just to him. : The plaintiff, Philip Moore, was then examined, and stated that the alleged libel was injurious to his business ; he did not keep a disorderly house, and, on a recent occasion, when a Fenian song was sung by two civilians and a soldier, he turned them out of his house. Mr. Brief, Q. C, cross-examined wit- ness. His house was situated in the street directly leading to the barracks. It was like a mousetrap to catch the soldiers as they came out [laughter]. I know an attorney named Fitzhenry. Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 85 Did you direct him to write a letter to Colonel Sligo ? Answer — He read me a letter over the counter about it, but I never autho- rized him. Did that letter say you wanted da- mages for injury and loss sustained in consequence of an improper and un- authorized notice being taken of your place of business, and asking to be fa- voured with the name of Colonel Sligo' s attorney ? Answer — Yes, I remember Fitzhenry reading that over the counter to me. And you heard the most proper reply that was sent him by Colonel Sligo ? 86 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party, " Portsmouth Gazette Office, February 17 th, 1868. " Sir — I have the honour to acknowledge the receipt of your letter of the 16th instant, and, in reply, beg to state, that my attorneys are Messrs. Scrouge, of this town, who will receive and act on any communication you may desire to send them. "With reference to the paragraph you allude to, and which I had not observed until the receipt of your letter to-day, it was evidently taken from Garrison Orders of the 10th of December last. "Paragraphs of a similar kind have constantly been published. No one knows better than yourself and your client that the 'Portsmouth Gazette' pub- lished that paragraph without any intention to in- jure Mr. Philip Moore, and that it would have readily published any explanation that you and he desired, had such a request been made. " As you prefer to adopt another course, the matter can go to a jury, with whose decision I am quite satisfied to abide. " Your obedient Servant, "Arthur E. Sligo." Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 87 Christopher Egan, journeyman tailor, examined, and deposed that he occa- sionally patronized plaintiff's house, by going in and purchasing liquor there. He withdrew his custom because the trade to which he belonged required that he should not deal exclusively in one place. Mr. Brief, Q. C. — I suppose you wished to have free range of all the public-houses in the town of Portsmouth [laughter]. John Egan, another tailor, said he heard something was published in the "Portsmouth Gazette" respecting the house ; he felt delicate [laughter] about going into it after that. 88 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. John Burne deposed that he was in the habit of occasionally getting- a bottle of ginger beer in the plaintiff's house, and that he had lately discontinued doing so. He could not assign any reason for ceasing to go there, as he was alto- gether in the dark on the subject. Mr. Brief, Q. C, stated the case for the defendant in an extremely able speech. The defendant, Colonel Sligo, they had been told by Mr. Boshley, was the proprietor of a highly-respecf- able and influential paper. The respect- ability of the journal and respectability of its proprietor had been brought be- fore the jury as an argument why they should deal heavily in point of damages Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 89 in this case ; but was a man to be vic- timized in a court of justice because he had a high character? He (Mr. Brief) had no wish, in any degree, to asperse the character of the plaintiff, who carried on the trade of a publican in a neigh- bourhood where there were a great many in the same trade as himself. The pub- licans were nearly as numerous about Portsmouth, Gosport, and neighbour- hood, as the lawyers in Westminster Hall, and that was saying a deal for them [laughter]. The plaintiff was not long in business, and as long as his ale was sound and his groceries fresh, he was doing a thriving trade. The position of his house was good, being exactly in 90 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. full view of the barracks, so that when a soldier came out for his daily walk, and to spend the few pence which a grateful country enabled him to do, the plaintiff was the first to receive him — there he was in the position of the spider treating the soldier as the fly. His house was occasionally visited by sol- diers ; but the military authorities, for some reasons best known to themselves, thought proper to prohibit soldiers en- tering that house. The prohibition was in the Garrison Orders of the ioth of December last, and was then published in the " Portsmouth Gazette." But it was not until February that the plaintiff thought proper to make any complaint Mrs. Montague yonei Dinner Party. 9 1 about it. Colonel Sligo never heard any- thing of it till he received Fitzhenry's letter, which the Colonel answered in a straightforward manner. If the plaintiff had then thought himself aggrieved, and desired an explanation, the columns of the "Portsmouth Gazette" were open to afford him every opportunity of giving it publicity. Nothing further was heard of the proceedings until, on the 8th of April (it was a pity it was not on the first of that month), a summons and plaint was served, and the case was now attempted to be propped up by rubbishy evidence. Rubbish had the advantage that it could be used for filling up holes ; but the only purpose 92 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. that could be served by the production of the fellows produced on the other side was to make holes in the plaintiff's case [laughter]. Nothing takes place in the matter until the plaintiff's woes reach the ear of Peter Fitzhenry, who bears an apostolic name, and resides in Upper Wellington-street. On hearing them, his forensic heart is overcome ; and, inspired by the purest and most philanthropic motives, he resolves to vindicate the wrongs Of the plaintiff, although uninvited by Mr. Moore to do so. The jury should know that some of the attorneys have aides-de-camp, gentlemen attached to their staff, who, like officers of the staff at a review, Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 93 ride across the field like grim death, at the bidding of the Commander-in- Chief, to tell one regiment to fire a blank discharge at another [laughter]. In like manner, the aides-de-camp at- tached to the staff of an attorney are out looking for actions. If a cause of action is simmering, one of these gen- tlemen will soon be found to blow it into a blaze. Accordingly, Fitzhenry hears of the case, and, without autho- rity, he writes a letter to the defendant, demanding satisfaction, commencing his letter " Chambers," "Camera obscura" [laughter]. That is always the way they began. On the top of his letter the royal arms. Where did Peter Fitzhenry get 94 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. that note paper ? At all events, it had upon it the royal arms, with the Lion and Unicorn standing on their hind-legs, fighting, he supposed, for the posses- sion of Colonel Sligo's purse [laughter]. When Philip Moore heard of it, he said he was not quite sure if he would go on with the action. Fitzhenry's letter pro- duced a reply from Colonel Sligo, and a fairer letter never was written, penned, without legal assistance of any kind, from the dictates of his heart ; but nothing more was heard of the matter until Mr. James Garrett, the present attorney upon the record, appeared upon the scene, and he produced the wit- nesses they had that day to sustain Mr. Garrett (a skilful attorney) carefully turning over old women in neighbour- hood of Barrack-street, in order to try to sustain a libel (Colonel Sligo verms Philip Moore )- [p. 94. Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 95 the libel, and get ^"iooo damages. Mr. Garrett was a skilful attorney, and he (Mr. Brief) felt sure there was not an old woman in the neighbourhood of Barrack-street whom he did not carefully turn over and cross-examine, to see if it could assist in any way to sustain the case [laughter]. Owing to the manner in which the summons and plaint was is- sued, and innuendos put upon the words, the defendant was excluded from plead- ing in justification that the publication was true ; that the order was issued, and that the military were strictly prohibited from resorting to the plaintiff's house. The meaning of the paragraph was distorted, and he denied that it bore g6 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. the interpretation put upon it by the plaintiff. The " Portsmouth Gazette" was a newspaper whose boast and pride was that it catered for the in- formation of every class of the com- munity. There was information for the ladies, for the gentlemen, the clergy, and for the laity, the lawyers, and the doctors ; then there was information for the military, and for that large and im- portant section of the female community who took an interest in the affairs of the army. Amongst other military items published was the matter complained of. The learned counsel proceeded to comment on the alleged libel, and con- cluded a very able speech by submit- Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 97 ting that the case was one of the most absurd and frivolous ever brought into a court of justice. Lieut. - Colonel Evans, Town Major, was examined, and produced the book containing garrison orders. The para- graph complained of was a copy from those orders, and, in his opinion, did not bear the interpretation put upon it by the plaintiff. Mr. Baron Stairleigh charged the jury, briefly recapitulating the facts of the case, and explaining the law bearing upon it. The jury then retired ; in an hour they came into court. The Foreman stated there was no possibility of agree- H g 8 Mrs. Montague fanes' Dinner Party. ing to a verdict ; there were eleven for finding for the defendant, and one for the plaintiff. Baron Stairleigh directed them to re- tire again, ■ in the hope they might agree : the question was a simple one. In a short time the jury again came into court. The Foreman stated it was impossible they could agree ; there were eleven for the defendant. Another Juror — There are some people, my lord, who will not listen to reason. Baron Stairleigh directed the jury to be discharged. Some persons speak in public as if they were labouring under this difficulty, that there is, so to speak, a certain Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 99 button connected with their entire cloth- ing which, if once disengaged from its fastening, will bring down all their ap- parel in one fell slip ; that the hearers are intently gazing at this button, which it is only too evident to all, and espe- cially to the speaker himself, is mani- festly slipping away by degrees from its frail hold. Alas ! how is it possible that the average Englishman could speak under (to say the least of it) such very disagreeable circumstances ? If this is the case with most English- men, it certainly is not so with Mr. Brief, Q. C, who has not any diffidence of this sort about him, but the button is, so to speak, fast and firm. h 2 CHAPTER IV. MISS FANNY SMILES : NOT MUCH WILL BE SAID ABOUT HER BECAUSE MAJOR GOLUMPUS IS NEXT INTRODUCED. HI3 FONDNESS FOR GOOD FARE, HIS GREAT EXPLOIT IN INDIA, ABOUT 'WHICH THE MAJOR DRAWS THE " LONG BOW f THE MAJOR'S RECIPE FOR A SALAD. YOUNG DE BOOTS TRY- ING TO ARGUE WITH THE MAJOR ABOUT THE QUALITY OF THE WINE. MRS. WHITMORE, CALLED ALSO MRS. WRITE- MORE MESSRS. SOFTSAWDER AND DIDDLE ARE HER PUB- LISHERS ; HER NOVEL CALLED " THE DUCHESS ;" HER POETIC EFFUSIONS, " ODE TO A ROUGE POT," ETC. THE BOOK IS SOLD AT " THE LADIES' BABIES' BIB-AND-TUCKER BAZAAR." THE BIRMINGHAM CHICKEN GETS A COPY OF THE BOOK OF POETRY, WHICH HE KEEPS IN HIS BACK PARLOUR. SIR JONAS BROADGAUGE ; IS A DIRECTOR OF THE GREAT NORTH AND SOUTH JUNCTION RAILWAY ; DOES NOT SPEAK MUCH ABOUT SHARES AT DINNER PARTIES ; THE CHELSEA CHAIN PIER TRIAL ; THE BRIDGE IS FLAT, THE SHARES ARE FLAT- TER, THE SHAREHOLDERS FLATTEST OF ALL ; SIR JONAS BROADGAUGE'S PORTRAIT, AS SEEN AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY EXHIBITION. Miss Fanny Smiles IS the next in order as we pass round the table ; but I do not purpose detaining my reader long under Mrs. Montague Jones 1 Dinner Party. 101 this heading, as I must hurry on towards the completion of the description of the guests at table. Suffice it to say, that the young lady in question is of very prepos- sessing appearance, and pleasing man- ners ; that Miss Smiles and her sisters are both chaperoned by Mrs. Whitmore, of whom more anon. Perhaps I may men- tion that Miss F. S. is so much admired that she has had many opportunities of changing her name, should she have wished it. I, indeed, for one, have always been an admirer of the young lady in question, but I must stop here, as I may commit myself in print, which would not do (as our friends in Hibernia say) " at all, at all." 102 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. Ah ! Miss S., how many more hearts are you going to. break before you finally decide who is to be the happy individual ? Answer me that question, I desire of you. Fare thee well ! Major Golumpus. "Then, pledge the Boar, the mighty Boarl Fill high the cup with me ; Here's luck to all who fear no fall When next the Boar they see." Indian Hunting Song. Talks of his exploits in India, where he was in action, and commanded a regiment of irregular cavalry, and what signal service he performed during the late Indian mutiny ; also the Major de- scribes his exploits, lion hunting, also Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 103 elephant, and hog hunting. The Major, who is a bit of a gourmet, has been lately praising Mrs. Jones' turbot, and then, turning to Mr. Jones, he says — "This is very nice champagne, Jones; I 'don't think I ever tasted better." " Glad you like it," says Jones. "Major, try another glass with me." And down goes No. 2 glass. Ah ! Major, towards the end of the evening you will be telling some of your astonishing tales, as wonderful nearly as those of the renowned Major Goliah Gahagan, late of the East India Company's service. The men ask a new comer to Chel- tenham, Did you ever hear the Major 104 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. ■ tell the story of all the men he killed in India? Before dinner it is 2 in num- ber ; after the ladies have left the table they number 3 ; and it has been said that the Major, still later in the even- ing, at the club, has stated there were 4. But the most surprising part of the matter is, that these individuals — call them by the numerals 2, 3, or 4, as you will — were, according to the gallant Major's account, all killed at once. Yes, reader, by a single swoop of his victo- rious sword. It might, in truth, have these words engraved upon it — " Sheath me not without honour." His friends who were near him in action say he really killed 2, and they account Mrs. Montague Jones Dinner Party. 1 05 for the number 4 by saying that the Major must then, or shortly afterwards, have seen double, which would account for the numeral 4, instead of the nume- ral 2 ; and thus, as we used to say when in College, Q. E. D., or quod erat de- monstrandum. The subject has now be- come a monomania of the Major's ; some are affected with a monomania one way, some another. For instance, a sporting friend of the writer (Jack Litton), who backed Springy Jack heavily for the Derby, thinks Springy should have won, and that he was a better horse than Surplice. Now all the world knows that such is not the case, and that the best horse of the two won. 1 06 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. The late Lord Aldborough appears to have had a monomania that Professor Holloway had cured him of some in- veterate disease. This is a monomania of a different class to the first-men- tioned. The writer knew a young officer in a light cavalry regiment who had a monomania for sticks and whips, and he had collected together such a num- ber, of all sizes and shapes, that they could be numbered up to tens of scores. This was a very peculiar monomania. Some men, again, have a monomania in this way, that they think they are ill, or near dying. The writer knew a baronet many years ago — he is now Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 107 deceased — who led a most regular life, as to dietary, sleep, &c, and appeared in good health, and yet he would get into a huff if you hinted he was looking well, but if you said that he did not appear well, it was the most sure plan to adopt to put him in a good humour, and to get him to think well of you ; in fact, like a character described in one of Captain Marryatt's novels, he never was happy unless he was con- foundedly miserable. The Major gives little dinners of the most recherche kind; number of guests consisting of three or four usually. Everything that is brought to table being first-class, his invitation to din- 108 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. ner is much sought after in Chelten- ham ; indeed, when a man gets the credit for giving first-rate champagne, moselle, claret, and port, he may be sure of always finding plenty to share it with him. I cannot help comparing my friend Major Pompous' s dinners with those of Major Golumpus. Pompous, between our- selves my reader, is inclined to brag a good bit. " Come down, my boy," said he, at the Philadelphos Club, "and have a day with the Duke's hounds. There is an excellent country to ride over, and I'll give you as good a bottle of claret or old port as you ever drank in your life." This invitation having Mrs. Montague Jones Dinner Party. 109 been given on several occasions, I lately availed myself of it. The hunting and country were good enough, so I will pass this by ; but the much-talked-of wine did not turn out at all according to expectations. The sherry, if not Mar- sala, was very much on a par with that article, and the port wine was — Bah ! a confounded piece of deception. The Major did not brag about it much, as he did at the Club, but it was laid on the table, and in sooth was not troubled by either of us much. The Major said, as the evening was wet, he would try some hot punch, and I was therefore left to make what acquaintance I wished with the port wine, which was 1 10 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. not a long- one. The truth is, I suspect that Mrs. Major Pompous has a good deal more control in the house and cellar than Pompous, and that she did not on this occasion bring out the port with the pet seal on it ; Pompous and Mrs. P. having had a slight row the day before about some excursion to London to see the Opera, and a two months' excursion on the Continent. But enough of these little secrets. If our other Major brags less, he is more certain in quality of supply. So hurrah for our Major Golumpus, and long life to him, or, as they say in Erin, " More power to him." But, to return to Major G., who, as Mrs. Montague y. 16«- Mrs. Montague Jones Dinner Party. 1 6 1 "He vel became his hagwillets, He cocked his 'at with such a hair, His calves and viskers vas such pets, That hall loved Jeames of Suffolk-square." But there is mostly a wish to leave servitude. "To take a public is my plan, And leave this ojus Suffolk-square." A gentleman in blue then got on his legs and proposed the worthy Presi- dents. " Any think he would say in praise of Mr. Hawkes would be super- flus, but he couldn't 'elp remindin' them of this, that Mr. Hawkes 'ad been eight years their President, and he was sure hevery one would hadmit that Mr. Hawkes 'ad done more than hany one in M 1 6 2 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. Cheltenham to uphold the Club, and its hexclusiveness and respectability." [Cries of Hear, hear.] Mr. Hawkes, on rising, was greeted with loud cheers ; he said : — " Gentle- men, I thank you very much for the honor you have done me in drinking my health. I must admit that this is one of the proudest moments of my life." [Here Mr. Hawkes took a gulp of brandy and water to help to furbish up some ideas.] " He hoped the Club would go on and prosper ; he had done everything in his power to promote the advancement of the Club, and to pro- mote a gentlemanlike feeling amongst them. As to Price, he must admit that Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 163 he did not give entire satisfaction ; he had not a doubt on his mind that the man drank ; in fact he appeared to him (Mr. Hawkes) somewhat intoxicated, when he was attending at dinner. From Mr. Hawkes' observations, he came to the conclusion that Price would drink any spirituous liquors he could lay his hands on. "He intended to speak to him to-mor- row, on the subject, and point out to him what a vice intemperance was, and how strongly he would advise him to relinquish such bad habits." [It may be as well to remark here that the worthy President, having al- ready mixed his ninth tumbler, would 1 64 Mrs. Montague fanes' Dinner Party. appear to be peculiarly adapted to speak on the subject of intemperance to Price.] The President concluded by remarking that at the solicitation of some Mem- bers they had started a Derby sweep, [and here he was interrupted by a slight hiccup], and it would be expected of the winner [hiccup repeated] to give them a dinner. Mr. Hawkes again rose to add a few remarks. By the original rules of the Club only gentlemen's footmen could become Members ; he now begged to state that not only grooms and valets, but that coachmen were admitted to the advantages of the Club. A gentleman here arose ; he wished Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 1 65 to make a few remarks ; he had resigned his present situation ; the family were going to Hireland, and as he heard the climate was damp and hard to get good hale there, and as he also con- sidered he would get out of his circle of acquaintance, and would not also enjoy the sociability and good fellow- ship of the Club, there was no alter- native open to him but to resign : besides, he had an objection to the place for a considerable time, as he considered the colour of his uniform did not altogether suit his complexion ; if any of his hearers could help him to procure a place, he would not forget them. 1 66 Mrs. Montague Jones Dinner Party. Another said he had resigned also. He had asked lately for an increased remu- neration ; the govenor answered, " Why, do you know that you are better off than Ensigns in the Line?" "Really, now, Sir, I answered, I don't think it is fair for to go to compare me to an Ensign, when I am so superior in domestic ac- complishments to the greater part of them." [Cries of Bravo ! Jenkins, from the gentlemen of the Club.J The evening entertainment was now drawing to a close ; as it was half past eleven o'clock most of the Members had left, but Brush, who had his eye on the handsome footman, and wished to take down some of his bounce, as he Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 167 termed it, kept encouraging him on in the consumption of brandy and water, till having accomplished his purpose of making him worship deeply at the shrine of Bacchus, volunteered to see him safe home to Suffolk-square ; but previously to escorting him home, and rousing him out of a drowsy fit he had fallen into, he corked his face black with a burnt cork, then turned his white coat inside out, and chalking D. and I. for drunk and incapable, on the back of the coat, rang the area bell, then propped him against the door, and leaving him, proceeded homewards with a light step, and whistling a jaunty air. Reader, my observations on Chelten- 1 68 Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. ham life and character have now come to a close. I hope that, should you go to Cheltenham, you may experience as kind a reception and as much genuine hospitality as the writer has experienced at the house of Mrs. Montague Jones ; and if you do not go to Mrs. Jones' house, certainly at others in the town you will meet Captain Hee Haw, M. C. The Honorable Lionel will also be seen as long certainly as the cash lasts, which I hope will, for a very long time. Mr. Jelly, I have no doubt, will be found also, unless he has migrated to some other watering place, on a temporary excursion. The young ladies I am not so sure about, I mean the identical Mrs. Montague Jones' Dinner Party. 1 69 ladies described. Miss Deuxtemps may have called in the services of the Rev. Mr. Dovecote and got married at that pretty country church outside Cheltenham, with the long- avenue of trees up to the porch, as people are so stared at in the Parish church. It will be Miss F. Smiles' own fault if she retains her present name long ; but Mrs. WTiitmore will, I presume, be there still, and still the on dit will be that another novel is forthcoming, even better than the last. The last individual I shall notice is the gallant Major. I think that, during each revolving winter, you will see the Major at his old haunts, x 1 70 Mrs. Montagice Jones Dinner Party. and that he will still continue to tell his wonderful stories and give as good champagne, moselle, claret and port as ever ; and if I am not much mistaken a dinner invitation to the Major's house will be still much sought after. Before I conclude, I beg to thank my many kind friends in Cheltenham for the hospitality evinced towards the writer ; and having said this much, I beg to make my best bow to the reader, and hope that perchance we may yet meet again. THE END. Clarendon House, upon the site and Kith the material of which 74, PiccadiUg, was buUt.^See Evelyn arid Pepys. VERY IMPORTANT NEW BOOKS. Specia l List for 1872. * # * Note.— In order to ensure the correct delivery of the actual Works or Particular Editions specified in this List, the Name of the Publisher should be distinctly given. Stamps or a Post-Office Order may be remitted direct to the Publisher, who will forward per return. When " direct application " is requested, the Trade will please com- municate with Mr. Hotten. % s-uIntBttf £rto (Gift.-Banfc. 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By Mark Twain. 500 pages, 2$. ; or in cloth, 3s. *»* Twain's Pleasure Trip is also issued in two-vol. form under the title of 2.— "THE INNOCENTS ABROAD." By Mark Twain. THE VOYAGE OUT. Cloth, neat, fine toned paper, " Superior- Edition," 3s. 6d. ; or in paper, is. 3.— THE NEW PILGRIM'S PROGRESS. By Mark Twain. THE VOYAGE HOME. Cloth, neat, fine toned paper, " Superior. Edition," 3s. 6d. ; or in paper, is. *** Headers who approved of this Author's quaint story of " The Jumping Frog," will be very well satisfied, with the " New Pilgrim's Progress : " there has been no worfr like it issued here for years. 4.— BURLESQUE "AUTOBIOGRAPHY," "FIRST ME- DIJEVAL ROMANCE," AND "ON CHILDREN." By Mark. Twain. 6d. 5— THE JUMPING FROG, and other Humorous Sketches. By Mark Twain, is. "An inimitably funny book." — Saturday Review. 6.- EYE-OPENERS. A volume of immensely Funny Sayings, and Stories that will bring a smile npon the gruffest countenance. By the celebrated Mark Twain. Cloth, neat, 2s. 6 from the EarliLt Times to the Present Day. By Thomas Weight, F.S. A. (Author of "A pSSSS lis 17 Gorges.") 4 to, profusely illustrated by H^t's/ m7 «»W« ***!?«*& "J*/* thejameUme molt entertaining wort. The author-* %£ -^JT *° " M ^H J^f ^ °f Comic Literature and Art in Great BrUain ■' llie tuuatratiom are full of interest. "' <:<*<■ utwmi. George hi. wosdeeiitg how the Apples got Inside the Dumplikgs. CARICATURE HISTORY OF THE GEORGES {House of nanoverj. Very Entertaining Book of 640 pages, with 400 Pic- tures, Caricatures, Squibs, Broadsides, Window Pictures. By T. Weight, F.S. A. 7 s. 6d. *** .Companion Volume to "History of Signboards." Reviewed in almost every English journal toith the highest approbation. " A set of caricatures such as we have in Mr. Wright's volume brings the surface of the age before us with a vividness that no prose writer, even of the highest power, could emulate. Macaulay's most brilliant sentence is weak by the side of the little woodcut from Gillray, which gives us Burke and Fox." — Saturday Review. " A more amusing work of its kind was never issued." — Art Journal. "It is emphatically one of the liveliest of books, as also one of the most interesting. It has the twofold merit of being at once amusing and edifying. The 600 odd pages which make up the goodly volume are doubly enhanced by some 400 illustrations, of which a dozen are full-page ones." — Morning Post. Laege Papee Edition, 4to, only 100 printed, on extra fine paper, wide margins, for the lovers of choice books, with extra Portraits, half morocco (a capital book to illustrate), 30s. A Companion Table Book to " Leech's Sketches." MAIDEN HOURS AND MAIDEN WILES. Designed by " Beatjjolais " (Captain Hans Busk). A Series op re- markably clever Sketches, showing the Occupations of a Fashionable Young Lady at AU Hours of the Day. With appro- priate Text. Folio, half morocco, blue and gold, gilt edges, ios. 6d. John Camden Hotten, 74 and 75, Piccadilly, London. Very Important New Books. A Clevek and Bbilliant Book, Companion to the "Bon Gaultier Ballads." PUCK ON PEGASUS. By H. C HOLMONDELEY PENNELL. In 4to, printed within an India-paper tone, and elegantly bound, gilt, gilt edges, price ios. 6d. only. %* This most amusing work has already passed through Five Editions, receiving every- where the highest praise as " a clever and brilliant book-. 7 ' To no other work of the present day have so many distinguished Ar- tists contributed Illustrations. To the designs of George Cruikshank, John Leech, Julian Portch, "Phiz," and other Artists, Sir.NoEL Paton, Millais, John Tenniel, Richard Bo^*e, and$kJ$LLT£Ht Edwards, have now cormpfyuted several exquisite pictures, thus making the New Edition- — which is Twice- the Size of the old one, and contains irresis- tibly funny pieces — the best book for the Drawing-room table now published. AUSTINS (ATfred)~THE SEASON: A~Satire. Elegantly bound -for the'1D>rawing-rooni, 5s * m * An entirety' New Edition of this* famous Work, it having bee~ out of print seven years. ' SIGNBOARDS: Their History. With Anecdotes of Famous Taverns and Remarkable Characters. By Jacob Larwood and John Camden Hotten. "A book which will delight all." — Spectator. Fourth Edition, 580 pp., price 7s. 6d. only. From the ** Times.*' " It is not fair on the part of a reviewer to pick out the plums of an author's book, thus filch- ing away his cream, and leav- ing little but ■skim - milk re- maining ; but, even if we were ever eo mali- ciously inclined, Fromthe" Times." we could not in the present in- stance pick out all Messrs. Lar- wood and Hot- ten's plumB, be- cause the good things are so numerous as to defy the most wholesale depre- dation."- — Seoiew of three columns. BUT,! AHT> MOUTH. *»* Nearly joo most curious illustrations on wood are gwen, showing the various old signs which were formerly hung from, taverns and other houses. ROMANCE OF THE ROD : An Anecdotal History of the Birch, in Ancient and Modern Times. With some quaint Illustra- tions. Crown 8vo, handsomely printed. [In preparation John Camden Hotten, 74 and 75, Piccadilly, London. Very Important New Books. THE FAMOUS ••DOCTOR SYNTAX'S" THREE TOURS. One of the moat amusing and Laughable Books ever published. With the whole of Rowlandson's very dkoll pull-page Illustrations, in Coloues, after the Omginal Drawings. Comprising the well-known Tours — i. In Search of the Picturesque. | 2. In Searoh of Consolation. 3. In Search of a Wife. •2? e ?kj ee Series Complete and Unabridged in One Handsome Volume with a Life of this industrious Author— the English Le Sage— now first written by John Camden Hotten. This Edition contains the whole of the original, hitherto sold for 31s. 6d., now published at 7s. 6d. only. Uniform with "Wonderful Characters." REMARKABLE TRIALS AND NOTORIOUS CHARACTERS. Prom " Half-Hanged Smith," 1700, to Oxford who shot at the Queen, 1840. By Captain L. Benson. With spirited full-page Engravings by Phiz. 8vo, S50 pages, 7s. 6d. %* A. CompUte Library of Sensation Literature ! There are plots enough here to produce a hundred "exciting" Novels, and at least Jive hundred "powerful" il€agazine Stories. The book will be appreciated by all readers whose taste lies in this -direction. Phiz's pictures are fully equal to those in "Master Humphrey's Clock." A Keepsake for Smokers. "THE SMOKER'S TEXT-BOOK." By J. Hamee, F.R.S.L. Exquisitely printed from " silver- faced " type, cloth, very neat, gilt edges, 2s. 6d., post free. "A pipe is a great comforter, a pleasant soother. The man who smokes, thinks like a sage, and acts like a Samaritan." — jBulwer. "A tiny volume, dedicated to the vota- ries of the weed ; beautifully printed on toned paper, in, we believe, the smallest type ever made (cast especially for show at the Great Exhibition in Hyde Park), out very clear, notwithstanding its mi- nuteness. . . . The pages sing, in various styles, the praises of tobacco. Amongst the writers laid under contribution are Bulwer, Kingsley, Charles Lamb. Thack- erav, Isaac Browne, Cowper, and Byron." — The Field. THE TRUE CONSOLER. TTB -ho doth not .make lietb, eithet known no pr»»t grief*, or refu.cih hinuelf the loftnt ramolation. aext to that which coma* from heaven "WhM aofter than woman*" whiapera the young weUaac mucoid iv»»i.u makoahalt the rhicli >h- boaeta the privilege to Woman eonaalei hi, It 1. true, an- .touul- an J huduttw: when thiaerale *ab weed in that, Jupiter, hang out thy balance, and weigh them both ; and if tlion pice the preference to woman all I can «ay la the flex t time June ruffle* i)i« — O Jupiter ! try the weed. BDLWER'S-Whalwilhedowiti «|" John Camden Hotten, 74 and 75, Piccadilly, London. Very Important New Books. ORIGINAL EDITION OF BLAKE'S WORKS. 'NOTICE. — Mr. Hotten has prepared a few Facsimile Copies (exact as to paper and printvrig — the water-colour dWawi/ngs being filled vn by an artist) of the Original Edition of Blake's " Marriage op Heaven and Hell." 4to, price 30s., half morocco. " Blake is a real name, I assure you, and a most extraordinary man he is, if he still be living. He is the Blake whose wild designs accompany a splendid edition of ' Blair's Grave.' He paints in water-colours marvellous strange pic- tures—visions of his brain — which he asserts he has seen. They have great merit. I must look upon him as one of the most extraordinary persons of the age." — Charles Lamb. EMERSON. The Uncollected Writings, Essays, and Lectures of Kalph Waldo Emerson. With Introductory Preface by Moncure Conway. 2vols.,8vo. By Arrangement with Mr. Emeesoet. INFEUGIA. Poems by Adah Isaacs Menken. With numerous graceful designs on wood. Dedicated, by per- mission, to Charles Dickens, with Photographic Facsimile of his Letter, and a Portrait of the Authoress. In green and gold, 5s. 6d. "Apathetic little volume exquisitely got up." — Sun. " Few, if any, could have guessed the power and beauty of the thoughts that pos- sessed her soul, and found expression in language at once pure and melodi- ous.'* — Press. " There is a pas- sionate richness about many of the poems which is al- most startling." — " What can we say of this gifted and wayward wo- man, the existence of whose better nature will be sug- gested for the first time to many by the posthumous disclo- sure of this bookP We do not envy the man who, reading it, has only a sneer for its writer ; nor the woman who finds it in her heart to turnawayrvitb. aver- tedface." — Hew York Sound Table. "An amusing lit- tle book, unhappily posthumous, which a distinguished wo- man has left as a legacy to mankind and the age." — Sa- turday "Review. Fcap. 8vo, 450 pages, with fine Portrait and Autograph, 7s. 6d. WALT WHITMAN'S POEMS. {Leaves of Grass, Drum- Taps, fyc.) Selected and Edited by William Michael Bossetti. " Whitman is a poet who bears and needs to be read as a whole, and then the volume and torrent of his power carry the -disfigurements along with it and away. He is really a fine fellow." — Chambers's Journal, in a very long notice. THEIARTHWARD PILGRIMAGE. By Moncure Conway. Cr. 8vo, 400 pages, cloth, neat, ys. 6d. %* This volume has excited considerable discussion, as it advances many entirely new views upon the life hereafter. The titles to some of the chapters will convey an idea of the contents of the work : — " Sow I left the world to come for that which is." John Camden Hotten, 74 and 75, Piccadilly, London. Very Important New Books. MR. SWINBURNE'S ESSAY. %* "A wonderful literary performance."— 11 Splendour of style and majestic beauty of diction never surpassed." WILLIAM BLAKE: A Critical Essay. With facsimile Paintings, Coloured by Hand, from the Original Drawings painted by Blake and his Wife. Thick 8vo, pp. 350, 16s. * ' An extraordi- nary work : violent, extravagant, per- verse, calculated to startle, to shock, and to alarm many readers, but abound- ing in beauty, and characterized by in- tellectual grasp. . . . His power of word-painting is often truly wonder- ful — sometimes, it must be admitted, in excess, but always full of matter, form, and colour, and instinct with a sense of vitality." — Daily News, Feb. 12, 1868. "It is in every way worthy of Mr. Swinburne's high fame. In no prose work can be found passages of keener poetry, or more finished grace, or more impressive harmony. ' Strong, vigorous, and mu- sical, the style sweeps on like a river." — The Sunday Times, Jan. 12, 1868. MR. SWINBURNE'S SONG OF ITALY. Fcap. 8vo, toned pager, cloth, price 3s. 6d. %* The Atkenaum remarks of this poem — " Seldom has such a chant been heard, so full of glow, strength, and colour." MR. SWINBURNE'S POEMS AND BALLADS. Foueth Edition. Price gs. MR. SWINBURNE'S NOTES ON HIS POEMS, and on the Reviews which have appeared upon them. Price is. MR. SWINBURNE'S ATALANTA IN OALYDON. New Edi- tion. Fcap. 8yo, price 6s. MR. SWINBURNE'S CHASTELARD. A Tragedy. New Edition. Price 7s. MR. SWINBURNE'S QUEEN MOTHER AND ROSAMOND. New Edition. Fcap. 8vo, price 5s. MR. SWINBURNE'S BOTHWELL A New Poem. [In preparation. . John Camden Hottest, 74 ajtd 7s, Piccadilly, London. Very Important New Books. * # * Mr. Hotten is enabled to afford most material and iim~ portant assistance to all interested im Genealogical Inquiries, difficult Pedigree Researches, or in the compilation of Family Histories. He has the following FAMILY HISTORIES FOR SALE:— FORSTER and FOSTER FAMILIES. 4to. Illustrations, 31s. 6d. BAIRD FAMILY. Royal 8vo. Facsimiles. 10s. 6d. CHICHESTER and RALEIGH FAMILIES. 4to. Illustrations, 21s. ;. with Arms emblazoned, 31s. 6d. . MILLAIS FAMILY. With Etchings, by Millais. 28s. WASHINGTON FAMILY. Preparing. COLE FAMILY. STUART FAMILY. 8vo, half morocco. 8s. 6d. CHICHELE FAMILY. (Contains Pedigrees of many other Families.) 4to. 17s. 6d. ROLL OF CAERLAVEROGK, with the Arms of the Knight* and others present at the Siege of the Castle in Scotland, a.d. 1300. Emblazoned in Gold and Colours, 4to, 12s. MAGNA CHARTA. Exact Facsimile of the Original Docu- ment in the British Museum. With Asms and Seals of the Babons emblazoned in Gold and Colours, a.d. 1215. 5s. *** Copied by express permission, and the only correct drawing of the Great Charter- ever taken, A full translation, with notes, price 6d. The Charter framed, and glazed in carved oak, 22s. 6d. ROLL OF BATTLE ABBEY: A List of the Normans who came over with William the Conqueror, and settled in this Country, a.d. 1066-67. With Arms op the Barons emblazoned in Gold and Colours. Price $s. *** A most curious document, and of the greatest interest to all of Norman descent. Framed and glazed in carved oak, 22a. 6d. WARRANT TO EXECUTE CHARLES I. Exact Facsimile, with the 59 Signatures of Regicides, and Seals. Price zs. ; by post, 2S. 6fd. *+* Very ewrious, and copied by express permission. In carved oak and glazed, 143. 6d. WARRANT TO EXECUTE MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS. Exact Facsimile, with Signature of Queen Elizabeth, and Great Seal of England. Price zs. ; by post, zs. 4