OLIAJ 
 
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3 1924 090 015 722 
 
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 % Cornell University 
 P Library 
 
 The original of tiiis book is in 
 the Cornell University Library. 
 
 There are no known copyright restrictions in 
 the United States on the use of the text. 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924090015722 
 
In compliance with current 
 
 copyright law, Cornell University 
 
 Library produced this 
 
 replacement volume on paper 
 
 that meets the ANSI Standard 
 
 Z39.48-1992 to replace the 
 irreparably deteriorated original. 
 
 2001 
 
(IJarncU Untucraity Cibratg 
 
 Jtljata, J3*ui ^ark 
 
 FROM THE 
 
 BENNO LOEWY LIBRARY 
 
 COLLECTED BY 
 
 BENNO LOEWY 
 
 1854-1919 
 BEQUEATHED TO CORNELL UNIVERStTY 
 
LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
r i;)RT[:-ni'!i:r if a :v capita 'k 
 
 ■%'i 
 
 /' ••; !. j!i^y. 
 
TOM & JERRY 
 
 LIFE IN LONDON 
 
 OR 
 
 THE DAY AND NIGHT SCENES 
 
 OF 
 
 JERRY HAWTHORN, ESQ. 
 
 AND HIS ELEGANT FRIEND 
 
 CORINTHIAN TOM 
 
 IN THEIR 
 
 PIERCE EGAN 
 
 Tom and Jerry taking a Stroll 
 
 WITH NUMEROUS COLOURED ILLUSTRATIONS FROM REAL LIFE 
 DESIGNED BY I. R. &■ G. CRUIKSHANK 
 
 LONDON 
 JOHN CAMDEN HOTTEN, PICCADILLY 
 
INTRODUCTION TO THE PRESENT 
 EDITION. 
 
 EIGHT-AND-FOETY years ago the most popular work 
 in British literature bore this title : — 
 
 "LIFE IN LONDON; or, The Day and Night 
 Scenes of Jerry Hawthorn, Esq., and his 
 elegant friend Corinthian Tom, accompanied by 
 Bob Logic, the Oxonian, in their Rambles and 
 Sprees through the Metropolis. By Pierce Egan 
 (author of ' Walks through Bath,' ' Sporting 
 Anecdotes,' ' Picture of the Fancy,' ' Boxiana,' 
 &c.), dedicated to His Most Gracious Majesty King 
 George the Fourth. Embellished, with 36 Scenes 
 from Real Life, designed and etched by I. E. & G. 
 Gruikshank ; and enriched mth numerous original 
 Designs on Wood, by the same Artists. 1821." 
 
 This was the book — ilie literature — of that period, the one 
 work which many elderly gentlemen still remember far away 
 in the distance of their youth. 
 
 A tedious — and by some will be considered an absurd — 
 composition, when judged by similarly descriptive works of 
 the present day, it has just this claim to our attention, that it 
 is, perhaps, the best picture of "Society" — or as they of 
 the period defined it, of " Life, Fashion, and Frolic" — in the 
 
2 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 days when George IV. was king, that has been bequeathed 
 to us. 
 
 Just ten years before this, another popular picture of English 
 hfe had appeared under the title of "Doctor Syntax," also 
 illustrated with coloured pictures ; but Combe's rhymed story 
 of the Quixotic clergyman is altogether of a milder character 
 than that brilliant picture of "fun and spree" — those astound- 
 ing "Day and Night Scenes'' of the glorious heroes, Tom, 
 Jerry, and Logic — which Mr Egan has chronicled for our in- 
 struction and amusement. 
 
 How delightful the book was to the youths of England, and 
 how eagerly aU its promised feasts of pleasure were devoured 
 by them, Thackeray has told us in his Eoundabout Paper, 
 " Be Juventute." Thackeray pictures himself with a coin in 
 his hand, the crown-piece of 1823, — the very period of our 
 book's success, — and after reading the inscription, " Georgius 
 IV. Britanniahum Eex. Fid. Def.," he conjures back his 
 past life. 
 
 " What is that I see ? A boy, — a boy in a jacket. He is 
 at a desk j he has great books before him, Latin and Greek 
 books and dictionaries. Yesj but behind the great books, 
 which he pretends to read, is a Httle one with pictures, which 
 he is really reading. It is — yes, I can read now — it is the 
 'Heart of Mid-Lothian,' by the author of 'Waverley' — or, 
 no, it is ''Life in London, or the Adventures of Corinthian Tom, 
 Jeremiah Hawthorn, and their friend Bob Logic,' by Pierce .Egan ■ 
 and it has pictures — oh ! such funny pictures ! As he reads, 
 there comes behind the boy a man, a dervish, in a black gown, 
 like a woman, and a black square cap, and he has a book in 
 each hand ; and he seizes the boy who is reading the picture- 
 book, and lays his head upon one of his books, and smacks it 
 with the other. The boy makes faces, and so that picture 
 disappears." 
 
INTRODUCTION. 3 
 
 Long, however, before this recollection of " Tom and Jerry" 
 was penned, Thackeray had told his readers of a partiality — 
 a lingering fondness — which he had for the old book. In an 
 article on George Cruikshank, which appeared in the West- 
 minster Review, he says :— 7 
 
 " ' Tom and Jerry' must have a word of notice here ; for 
 although by no means Mr Cruikshank's best work, his repu- 
 tation was extraordinarily raised by it. Tom and Jerry were 
 as popular twenty years since as Mr Pickwick and Sam Weller 
 now are ; and often have we wished, while reading the bio- 
 graphies of the latter celebrated personages, that they had 
 been described as well by Mr Cruikshank's pencil as by Mr 
 Dickens's pen. 
 
 " As for Tom and Jerry, to show the mutabiHty of human 
 affairs, and the evanescent nature of reputation, we have been 
 to the British Museum, and no less than five circulating lib- 
 raries, in quest of the book, and ' Life in London,' alas ! is not 
 to be found at any one of them. We can only, therefore, 
 speak of the work from recollection, but have stiU a very clear 
 remembrance of the leather gaiters of Jerry Hawthorn, the 
 green spectacles of Logic, and the hooked nose of Corinthian 
 Tom. They were the school-boy's delight ; and in the days 
 when the work appeared, we firmly beUeved the three heroes 
 above named to be types of the most elegant, fashionable young 
 fellows the town afforded, and thought their occupations and 
 amusements were those of all high-bred English gentlemen. 
 Tom knocking down the watchman at Temple Bar ; Tom and, 
 Jerry dancing at Almack's ; or flirting in the saloon' at the 
 theatre ; at the night-houses after the play ; at Tom Cribb's, 
 examining the silver-cup then in the possession of that cham- 
 pion; at Bob Logic's chambers, where, if we mistake not, 
 ' Corinthian Kate' was at a cabinet piano, singing a song ; 
 ambling gallantly in Rotten Row; or examining the poor 
 
4 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 fellow at Newgate who was having his chains knocked off 
 before hangings all these scenes remain indelibly engraved 
 upon the mind, and so far we are independent of aJl the cir- 
 culating libraries in London. 
 
 " As to the literary contents of the book, they have passed 
 sheer away .... But it must have had some merit of its 
 own, that is clear ; it must have given striking descriptions 
 of life in some part or other of London, for all London 
 read it, and went to see it in its dramatic shape. The artist, 
 it is said, wished to close the career of the three heroes by 
 bringing them all to ruin ; but the writer, or publishers, would 
 not allow any such melancholy subjects to dash the merriment 
 of the public, and we believe Tom, Jerry, and Logic Avere 
 married off at the end of the tale, as if they had been the most 
 moral personages in the world. There is some goodness in 
 this pity, which authors and the public are disposed to show 
 towards certain agreeable, disreputable characters of romance. 
 And in regard of Jerry Hawthorn, and that hero without a 
 surname, Corinthian Tom, Mr CruLkshank, we make little 
 doubt, was glad in his heart that he was not allowed to have 
 his own way." 
 
 Exactly twenty years afterwards, Thackeray paid another 
 visit to the great National Library, and this time was success- 
 ful in finding his old favourite ; and it is curious to observe 
 how, even with the book before him, he writes upon it^ 
 in almost the same words as when he described it from 
 memory : — 
 
 " As for Thomas and Jeremiah (it is only my witty way of 
 calling Tom and Jerry), I went to the British Museum the 
 other day on purpose to get it ; but somehow, if you will 
 press the question so closely, on reperusal, Tom and JeiTy 
 
 I Eoundabout Papers, Oct. 1860. 
 
INTRODUCTION. 5 
 
 is not so brilliant as I had supposed it to be. The pictures 
 are just as fine as ever ; and I shook hands with broad-backed 
 Jerry Hawthorn and Corinthian Tom with delight, after many- 
 years' absence. But the style of the writing, I own, was not 
 pleasing to me ; I even thought it a little vulgar — well ! well ! 
 other writers have been considered vulgar — and as a descrip- 
 tion of the sports and amusements of London in the ancient 
 times, more curious than amusing. 
 
 " But the pictures ! — oh ! the pictures are noble still ! First, 
 there is Jerry arriving from the country, in a green coat and 
 leather gaiters, and being measured for a fashionable suit at 
 Corinthian House, by Corinthian Tom's tailor. Then away 
 for the career of pleasure and fashion. The park ! delicious 
 excitement ! The theatre ! the saloon ! ! the green-room ! ! ! 
 Rapturous bliss — the opera itself ! and then, perhaps, to 
 Temple Bar, to TawcTc down a Gliarley there ! There are Jerry 
 and Tom, with their tights and little cocked hats, coming from 
 the opera — very much as gentlemen in waiting on royalty are 
 habited now. There they are at Almack's itself, amidst a 
 crowd of high-bred personages, with the Duke of Clarence 
 himself looking at them dancing. Now, strange change — they 
 are in Tom Cribb's parlour, where they don't seem to be a whit 
 less at home than in fashion's gilded halls ; and now they are 
 at Newgate, seeing the irons knocked off the malefactor's legs 
 previous to execution. What hardened ferocity in the coun- 
 tenance of the desperado in yellow breeches ! What com- 
 punction in the face of the gentleman in black (who, I suppose, 
 has been forging), and who clasps his hands, and listens to the 
 chaplain ! Now we haste away to merrier scenes : to Tatter- 
 sail's (ah ! gracious powers ! what a funny fellow that actor 
 was who performed Dicky Green in that scene at the play !) ; 
 and now we are at a private party, at which Corintliian Tom 
 is waltzing (and very gracefully too, as you must confess) 
 
6 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 with Corinttian Kate, whilst Bob Logic, the Oxonian, is play- 
 ing on the piano ! 
 
 "After," the text says, " «Ae Oxonian had played several 
 pieces of lively music, he requested as a favour that Kate and 
 his friend Tom would perform a waltz. Kate without any 
 hesitation immediately stood up. Tom offered his hand to his 
 fascinating partner, and the dance took place. The plate con- 
 
 veys a correct representation of the ' gay scene' at that precise 
 moment. The anxiety of the Oxonian to witness the attitudes 
 of the elegant pair had nearly put a stop to their movements.^ 
 
 * Above is given a reduced fac-simile of Mr Thackeray's eketcb. 
 
INTRODUCTION. 1 
 
 On turning round from the pianoforte and presenting his 
 comical mug, Kate could scarcely suppress a laugh." 
 
 And no wonder ; just look at it now (as I have copied it 
 to the hest of my humble ability), and compare Master Logic's 
 countenance and attitude with the splendid elegance of Tom ! 
 Now every London man is weary and hlase. There is an enjoy- 
 ment of life in these young bucks of 1823 which contrasts 
 strangely with our feelings of 1869. Here, for instance, is a 
 specimen of their talk and walk. "'If,' says Logic — 'if 
 enjoyment is your motto, you may make the most of an evening 
 at Vauxhall, more than at any other place in the metropolis. 
 It is all free-and-easy. Stay as long as you like, and depart 
 when you think proper.' — ' Your description is so flattering,' 
 replied Jerky, ' that I do not care how soon the time arrives 
 for us to start.' Logic proposed a 'bit of a stroll,' in order to 
 get rid of an hour or two, which was immediately accepted by 
 Tom and Jerry A turn or two in Bond Street, a stroll through 
 Piccadilly, a looTc in at Tattersall'S, a ramlle through Pall 
 Mali, and a stt-ut on the Corinthian path, fully occupied the time 
 of our heroes until the hour for dinner arrived, when a few 
 glasses of Tom's rich wines soon put them on the qui vive. 
 Vauxhall was then the object in y\sw, and the Trio started, 
 bent upon enjoying thfe pleasures which this place so amjily 
 affords." 
 
 How nobly those inverted commas, those italics, those 
 capitals, bring out the ^vriter's wit and relieve the eye ! They 
 are as good as jokes, though you may not quite perceive the 
 point. Mark the varieties of lounge in which the young men 
 indulge — now a stroll, then a look in, then a ramble, and pre- 
 sently a strut. When George, Prince of Wales, was twenty, 
 I have read in an old magazine, " the Prince's lounge " was a 
 peculiar manner of walking which the young bucks imitated. 
 At Windsor George III. had a cat's path — a sly early walk 
 
8 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 ■which the good old king took in the gray morning before his 
 household was astir. What was the Corinthian path here 
 recorded 1 Does any antiquary know ? And what were the 
 rich wines which our friends took, and which enabled them to 
 enjoy Vauxhall % Vauxhall is gone, but the wines which could 
 occasion such a delightful perversion of the intellect as to 
 enable it to enjoy ample pleasures there, what were they ? 
 
 So the game of life proceeds, until Jerry Hawthorn, the 
 rustic, is fairly knocked up by all this excitement, and is 
 forced to go home, and the last picture represents him getting 
 into the coach at the " White Horse Cellar," he being one of 
 six inside ; whilst his friends shake him by the hand ; whilst 
 the sailor mounts on the roof; whilst the Jews hang round 
 mth oranges, knives, and sealing-wax ; whilst the guard is 
 closing the door. Where are they now, those sealing-wax 
 vendors ? where are the guards ? where are the jolly teams ? 
 where are the coaches % and where the youth that climbed 
 inside and out of them ; that heard the merry horn which 
 sounds no more ; that saw the sun rise over Stonehenge ; that 
 rubbed away the bitter tears at night after parting, as the 
 coach sped on the journey to school and London ; that looked 
 out with beating heart as the milestones flew by, for the 
 welcome corner where began home and holidays ? 
 
 No better criticism of the book could be given than that 
 conveyed in the preceding sentences ; the style of writing is 
 not pleasing, according to our notions of descriptive writing,'^ 
 but the pictures ! oh ! the pictures are noble still ! The age 
 was the age of excesses — of vulgar refinement, and unreal 
 politeness. Even the laughs and smiles of the " Bon Ton" 
 
 ^ The European Magazine,- November 1821, had its own opimon of fine 
 writing, and declared the present book to be " one of the most amusing 
 books ever published. For our part, vpe prefer it to many of the sketches 
 of mankind which have appeared since the days of the Spectator I " 
 
INTRODUCTION. 9 
 
 noisy and grotesque as we are bound to believe them, wfere 
 very hollow affairs — something like its wit, now discovered 
 only by the printer's italics. These were the last days of 
 coarse caricatures, of duelling, and of the glorious three-bottle 
 system after dinner. There is no deception about the present 
 book j it very well reflects all these peculiarities — the litera- 
 ture of the time included — and therefore its value as a true 
 picture of life fifty years ago. 
 
 AND now for a few words about the " Tom and Jerry " 
 literature generally, and of the furor which accom- 
 panied the publication of the original work. 
 Some time previous to its appearance a great taste had ex- 
 hibited itself amongst fashionable bloods for sporting works — 
 books upon the chase, upon racing, ujaon boxing, and " sport " 
 generally. The demand soon brought an excellent supply, and 
 Boxiana, in its own peculiar department, at once became a 
 great favourite. Artists, too, arose, who devoted all their 
 powers to hunting subjects, to racing favourites, and to 
 pugilistic encounters. Amongst these the names of Aiken, 
 Dighton, and Brooke became very popular. One day it 
 occurred to the editor of Boxiana that if Londoners were so 
 anxious for books about country and out-of-door sports, why 
 should not provincials and even the Cockneys themselves be 
 equally anxious to know something of " Life in London " ? 
 The editor of Boxiana was Mr Pierce Egan, who, as the liter- 
 ary representative of sport and high life, had already been 
 introduced to George IV. The character of the proposed 
 work was mentioned to the King, and His Gracious Majesty 
 seems to have heartily approved of it, for he at once gave per- 
 mission for it to be dedicated to himself. The services of 
 Messrs L R. and George Cruikshank were secured as illustra- 
 tors, and on the 15th of July 1821, the first number, price one 
 
lo INTRODUCTION. 
 
 shilling, was published by Messrs Sherwood, Neely, & Joues, 
 of Paternoster Eow. This sample, or first instalment, of the 
 entire work was quite enough for society to judge by. It took 
 both town and country by storm. It was found to be the 
 exact thing in literature that the readers of those days wanted. 
 Edition after edition was called for — and supplied, as fast as 
 the illustrations could be got away from the small army of 
 women and children who were colouring them. With the 
 appearance of Numbers II. and III. the demand only increased, 
 and a revolution in our literature, in our drama, and even in 
 our nomenclature, began to develop itself. All the announce- 
 ments from Paternoster Row were of books, great and small, 
 depicting life in London ; dramatists at once turned their 
 attention to the same subject; and tailors, bootmakers, and 
 hatters recommended nothing but Corinthian shapes and Tom 
 and Jerry patterns. Immediately Messrs Sherwood & Co. 
 issued the first shilling number of Mr Egan's work, out came 
 Jones & Co.i with the following in sixpenny numbers : — 
 
 " REAL LIFE IN LONDON; or, The Eambles and 
 Adventures of Bob Tallyho, Esq., and his cousin, 
 the Hon. ToM Dashall, &c., through the Metro- 
 polis. Exhibiting a Living Picture of Fashionable 
 Characters, Mamiers, and Amusements in High 
 and Low Life. By an Amateur. Embellished and 
 Illustrated with a Series of Coloured Prints, De- 
 signed and Engraved by Messrs Heath, Aiken, 
 Dighton, Brooke, Rowlandson, &c." 
 
 The author of Jones and Company's speculation is said to 
 have been John Badcock,^ who some years previously had 
 
 ' Jones & Co., of Finsb.ury Square, the succeaaors of the famous Lack- 
 ington, who would have been shocked at the very idea of such a work. 
 ^ Badcock wrote under various names, but hia favourite pseudonym was 
 
INTRODUCTION. n 
 
 compiled what was then termed a " Flash Dictionary " — that 
 is, a dictionary of vulgar or slang words. In the immense 
 demand which had arisen for "Life in London" books, this 
 rival to Egan's great original obtained a fair share of popu- 
 larity, and a second volume was soon issued under the title of 
 "Further Eambles and Adventures." In some respects the 
 text of the counterfeit is more amusing reading than the 
 original. It contains a trilie less of those charming words 
 of the ring, and the stable, which characterise the conversa- 
 tion of Pierce Egan's " bloods" and " pinks," and therefore we 
 are very thankful; but the living "pinks" and " bloods"- — 
 the Bon Ton — who subscribed to " Tom and Jerry," thought 
 otherwise. They relished the " flash," the " St Giles Greek," 
 with a gusto which we cannot now enjoy, and therefore the 
 meed of praise was given to the original. 
 
 Immediately a translation of Pierce Egan's work was pub- 
 lished in Paris, under the title of '■' The English Diorama, or 
 Picturesque Eambles in London ; containing the most faithful 
 notices of the character, manners, and custmns of the English 
 nation, in the various classes of society." By M. S. 
 
 On this work a French critic of the time made, with all 
 seriousness, the following amusing observations: — "It is an 
 Englishman, and an Englishman already known by several 
 
 " Jonathan Eee." It is this name that is affixed to " The Dictionakt of 
 the Turf, the liing, the Chase, the Pit, the Bon Ton, and the Varieties of 
 Life, forming the completest and, most auiheviic Balatronicum hitherto offered 
 to the notice of the Sporting World, hy Jon. Bee:" 1823. "A Living 
 PiCTUBE OF London /or 1828, and Stranger^ Guide thronyh the Streets of 
 tjte Metropolis ; showing the Frauds, the Arts, Snares, and Wiles of all 
 description of Rogues that everywhere abound, by Jon. Bee : " 1828. This 
 same author published books on stable economy, under the name of 
 " Hinds." As the editor of " The Fancy," " Fancy Gazette," Picture of 
 London, &c., he was the sporting rival of Pierce Egan. Professor Wilson, 
 in an amusing article in Blackwood, reviewed " The Dictionary." 
 
1 2 INTROD UCTION. 
 
 esteemed descriptive publications, wlio has here painted liis 
 countrymen. Pierce Egan, the author of The Picture of London, 
 and who may be called the Mercier of England, has, like him, 
 carefully studied the manners of all classes of the community. 
 He conducts his reader from the royal palace to the most 
 miserable pot-house, the resort of beggars and the dregs of the 
 people. Such, indeed, in these latter scenes is the scrupulous 
 fidelity of his pencil, that the enlightened taste of his transla- 
 tor has frequently induced him to soften the features of the 
 picture. These suppressions are dictated by a sound discretion 
 and considerable tact, and include several long digressions, and 
 some circumstances which would wound delicacy and French 
 taste at the same time." ^ 
 
 What renders the work one of the most valuable which have 
 appeared on England and London, are the twenty-four (sic) 
 engi-avings, which represent almost all the incidents described 
 in the book. They are from the arch pencil of Mr Cruikshank. 
 He, like the author, may congratulate himself on having caused 
 us to see "Life in London;" and on having, as was said of 
 Charles Vernet, composed "Epigrams of design." 
 
 As may be readily conceived, the Stage soon claimed Tom 
 and Jerry. The first drama founded upon the book was from 
 the pen of Mr Barrymore; the second was written for the 
 Olympic Theatre by Charles Dibdin ; the third, and by far the 
 most successful, version was Moncrieff 's. It came out upon the 
 Adelphi boards on Monday, November 26, 1821, and created a 
 furor amongst play-goers, the like of which never occurred be- 
 fore, and has never occurred since. It ran for upwards of 
 three hundred nights, and only gave over because the actors 
 were tired out ; the audience were as mad for it as ever. It 
 
 ^ This seems straining at a gnat and swallowing a camel for a nation 
 tliat can devour Paul de ICock's novels. 
 
INTRODUCTION. 13 
 
 made the fortune of the house, and everybody connected with 
 it — except the author. But why should I spoil the story, when 
 the dramatist himself has told it in his own earnest words,i 
 written long, long before he was a blind old man, living on tha 
 bounty of the Charter House : — 
 
 " It is scarcely necessary to observe that this drama is 
 founded on the Life in London of my friends, Pierce Egan, 
 and the inimitable Cruikshank. Aided by Pierce's clever 
 illustrations to the matchless series of plates in that work, I 
 have in this piece endeavoured to put them into dramatic 
 motion ; running a connecting story through the whole. 
 
 " From the popularity of the subject, the novelty and 
 acknowledged truth of the various scenes comprised in it, the 
 inimitable manner in which it was originally acted, and the 
 beauty of the music I fortunately selected, this piece obtained 
 a popularity and excited a sensation totally unprecedented in 
 theatrical histoiy : from the highest to the lowest, all classes 
 were alike anxious to witness its representation. Dukes and 
 dustmen were equally interested in its performance, and peers 
 might be seen mobbing it with apprentices to obtain an admis- 
 sion. Seats were sold for weeks before they could be occu- 
 pied ; every theatre in the United Kingdom, and even in the 
 United States, enriched its coffers by performing it ; and the 
 smallest tithe-portion of its profits would for ever have 
 rendered it unnecessary for its author to have troubled the 
 public with any further productions of his Muse. It estab- 
 lished the fortunes of most of the actors engaged in its repre- 
 sentation, and gave birth to several newspapers. The success 
 of the Beggars' Opera, the Castle Spectre, and Pizarro, 
 sunk into the shade before it. In the furor of its popularity, 
 
 ^ Preface to " Tom and Jerky, or Life in London ; an Operatic Extra- 
 vaganza, in Three Acts ; first performed at the Adelphi Theatre, Monday, 
 November 26, 1821." By \V. T. Moncrieff. 
 
14 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 persons have been known to travel post from the farthest 
 parts of the kingdom to see it ; and five guineas have been 
 offered in an evening for a single seat. Its language became 
 the language of the day ; drawing-rooms were turned into 
 chaffmg cribs, and rank and beauty learned to patter slang. 
 
 " With respect to the cry of immorality, so loudly raised by 
 those inimical to the success and plain speaking of this piece, 
 it is soon answered. To say nothing of the envy of rival 
 theatres feeling its attraction most sensibly in their Saturday 
 treasuries, those notorious pests, the watchmen, dexterously 
 joined in the war-howl of detraction raised against it, and by 
 converting every trifling street broil into a ' Tom and Jerry 
 row,^ endeavoured to revenge themselves for the expose its 
 scenes afforded of their villainy and extortion — but all in vain. 
 In vain, too, it was that the actors' old rivals, the Methodists, 
 took the alarm, — in vain they distributed the whole of the 
 stock of the Eeligious Tract Society at the doors of the 
 theatre, — in vain they denounced Tom and Jerry from the pul- 
 pit, — in vain the puritanical portion of the press prated of its 
 immorality : they but increased the number of its followers, 
 and added to its popularity. Vainly, too, was the Lord 
 Chamberlain called upon to suppress it. His Grace came one 
 night to see it, and brought his Duchess the next. It was 
 nearly the same with the chief magistrate of Bow Street. His 
 experience rendered him perfectly sensible that long before the 
 appearance of Tom and Jerry, young men and country gentle- 
 men would, in moments of hilarity, sometimes exceed in their 
 potations, be provoked into quarrels by designing watchmen, 
 and consigned for purposes of extortion, on the following 
 morning, to the custody of His Honour, the Night Constable ; 
 but according to the Saints' Accounts, to believe their tales, it 
 must be held as a point of faith that no one previous to the 
 appearance of 'Tom and Jerry' ever got into a row. Oh, no ! 
 
INTRODUCTION. 15 
 
 drinldng and all its train of follies were unknown to youth, till 
 inculcated into their minds by the example of ' Tom and Jerry.' 
 How many an unsuspecting country cousin has been converted, 
 in the public prints, through an hour of harmless frolic, into a 
 Jerry, while his equally unconscious town relation figured as 
 a Tom ; and any honest plodder they might have with them was 
 transformed into aLoGiC — his first appearance in that character ! 
 
 " The thing speaks for itself. So far from being immoral, if 
 the piece be fairly examined, it will be found to be of as correct 
 tendency as any production ever brought on the stage. The 
 obnoxious scenes of life are only shown that they may be 
 avoided; the danger of mixing in them is strikingly exempli- 
 fied, and every incident tends to prove that happiness is only 
 to be found in the domestic circle. 
 
 " To those venerable noodles who complain that I and my 
 prototype, Pierce, have made this the age of flash, I answer. 
 Any age is better than Tlie age of Cant." 
 
 Besides the authors already mentioned, Tom Dibdin, Farrell, 
 and Douglas Jerrold each produced dramas upon the popular 
 theme; and in the summer of 1822 "Life in London" was 
 being performed at no less than ten theatres in and around 
 London. Mr Egan, in his "Finish to the Adventures of Tom 
 and Jerry," states that he reckoned no less than sixty-five 
 separate publications all derived from his own work. 
 
 Even the JuvenUe Library was found to be deficient without 
 an appropriate edition of " Tom and Jerry,'' and Mr Hodgson, 
 the popular caterer for the young in those days, at once set to 
 work to supply the want. Forthwith there appeared : — 
 
 " Hodgson's Juvenile Drama, Life in London .-^ a Play, in 
 
 ^ At the end it says : — " A key to the Cant Terms made use of in this 
 play will be found in the ' Modern Flash Dictionary,' published by 
 Hodgson & Co., price 6d." 
 
i6 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 Three Acts; depicting the Day and Night Scenes of Tom, 
 Jerry, Logic, <h Co., adapted to London, hy and for 
 Hodgson & Co., price Qd." 
 
 The rage actually extended to Bartholomew Fair, where 
 Mister Richardson, in his large dramatic booth, lighted with 
 paper lanterns, issued the following bill of the performance : — 
 
 1823. 
 
 RICHARDSON'S 
 THE A TRE. 
 
 This Day will be Presented, an entire New Melo-Draina, 
 Called, The 
 
 VIRGIN BRIDE ! 
 
 OR THE 
 
 SPECTRE OF THE TOMB. 
 
 To conclude with an entire New Extravaganza Harlequinade, 
 Called 
 
 TOM, 
 
 LOGIC AND JERRY, 
 
 OR 
 
 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Old Hawthorn, afier^vards Pa?tialoon, Mr Odhy. 
 
 Corinthian Tom, afterwards Harlequin, Mr Sulter. 
 
 Jerry Hawthorn, aftenvards Clown, Mr Webb. 
 
 Logic, Mr Reid. Genii of London, Mr Brown. 
 
 Finished Dandy, Mr Lee. 
 
 Dusty Bob, Mr Gillett. Billy Waters, Mr Green. 
 
 Huntsmen, Messrs Clarke and Bennet. 
 
 Watchmen, Messrs Gray, Atwood, Perry, &c. 
 
 Columbine, Miss Smith. Black Sail, Mr Jenkins. 
 
 CofFce-shop Woman, Mrs Brown. 
 
 The Scenery entirely New, and by the First Artists. 
 
 To finish with a Splendid Panorama View of the 
 
 CITY OF LONDON. 
 
 Boxes, 2S. Pit, IS. Gal., 6d. 
 
 But Mr Egan was beginning to tire of the successes of the 
 playwrights in using his bookj — even in the face of their high 
 compliments as to his abilities and talents, — and resolved to 
 try his own hand at a dramatic version, and this was the re- 
 sult : — 
 
INTRODUCTION. l^ 
 
 "The Songs, Parodies, &c., introduced in the New 
 Pedestrian, Equestrian Extravaganza, in Three Acts of Gaiety, 
 Frisk, Fun, and Patter, called ' Tom and Jerry,' or, Life in 
 London : written by Pierce Egan, with a highly-finished 
 Picture of the Pony Races, by Mr Geo. Cruikshank : 1822." 
 
 The Author commences by saying, that " he trusts it will not 
 be deemed unfair that he should take a leaf or two out of his 
 own book, several other persons having made very free with 
 the work." The " Extravaganza " was performed at Astley's, 
 but, with the exception of a pony-race around the theatre, 
 on a raised boarding, it does not seem to have caught 
 the public taste. It was to the Adelphi that the crowds 
 flocked. 
 
 It is not generally known that George Cruikshank painted 
 a public-house sign to celebrate the success of Dusty Boh in Tom 
 and Jerry. Walbourn, the comedian, who personated this 
 character with extraordinary success, kept the " Maidenhead " 
 public-house at Battle Bridge, and the artist painted a whole- 
 length portrait of him in character, which was hung out as his 
 signboard. Moncrieff used to say that the three characters, 
 Tom, Jerry, and Logic, stood for George Cruikshank, Robert 
 Cruikshank, and Pierce Egan ; that many of the adventures in 
 the book were in part autobiographical, and that the portraits 
 of the heroes in the pictures bore a striking resemblance to tlie 
 portraits of the three artists in actual life. 
 
 THE biographical dictionaries are silent upon the subject 
 of Mr Egan's literary and social career. A few parti- 
 culars, however, are remembered of liim.i He came of a re- 
 spectable family, and received a better education than he was 
 
 ' I am indebted to the Kev. Dr Elchardson for some personal anecdotes. 
 
 B 
 
1 8 INTRODUCTIOm 
 
 usually credited with. He followed many avocations — compos- 
 itor, bookseller, sporting writer, and reporter to the newspapers. 
 In his particular line, he was the greatest man in England. 
 In the event of opposition to his views and opinions, he and 
 those who looked up to him had a mode of enforcing authority 
 which had the efficacy without the tediousness of discussion, and 
 " though," says one who knew him, " in personal strength far 
 from a match for any sturdy opponent, he had a courage and a 
 vivacity in action which were very highly estimated both by 
 his friends and foes." 
 
 Mr Egan was employed by the proprietor of the Weekly 
 Despatch to record the " doings of the ring;" in which employ- 
 ment his peculiar phraseology, and his superior knowledge of his 
 business, soon rendered him eminent beyond all rivalry and com- 
 petition. He was flattered and petted by pugilists and peers : 
 his patronage and countenance were sought for by all who con- 
 sidered the road to a prize-fight the road to reputation and 
 honour. Sixty years ago, his presence was understood to con- 
 fer respectability on any meeting convened for the furtherance 
 of bull-baiting, cock-fighting, cudgelling, wrestling, boxing, and 
 all that comes within the category of " manly sports." If he 
 " took the chair," success was hailed as certain in the object 
 in question. On the occasions of his presence he was accom- 
 panied by a " tail," if not as numerous, perhaps as respectable 
 as that by which another great man was attended, and cer- 
 tainly, in its way, quite as influential. 
 
 Few persons now remember anything of the origin of Bell's 
 Life in London. It appears that the success which had befallen 
 Tom and Jerry made the conductors of the Despatch very 
 jealous, and they forthwith resolved upon excluding Mr Egan's 
 contributions from their paper. One evening, upon reaching 
 home, he found a note from the printer to this effect ; — 
 
introduction: 19 
 
 " Dear Sir, — / am most unpleasantly situated, as I have received 
 
 orders not to insert one line of your own communications tkis 
 
 week. I wish you would come down and put all to rights. 
 
 — Your humble servant, E. YoUNG. 
 
 " *jf * I received this order early this morning, hut I did not like 
 
 to say so to you. It has since been repeated." 
 
 Pierce Egan at once made up his mind how to act. He 
 would start a new Sunday-paper of his own, and the title 
 should be taken from his successful book — Pierce Egan's Life 
 in London, and Sporting Guide. The first number appeared 
 Feb. 1, 1824; and after a leader of congratulations to friends, 
 and promises to all sporting patrons, the editor gave the above 
 printer's letter, with the following note from his own pen : — 
 
 " N.B. — The printer acted according to his order; not a line 
 of my communications was inserted. Pierce Egan is too GAME 
 yet to be made a dummy of; therefore he is determined to liave a 
 shy for himself, and a new Sunday-paper is the result." 
 
 The Editor was, at this time, the popular ready-writer of the 
 hour. In the very first number there are advertisements of 
 the thirteenth edition (!) of " Mr Pierce Egan's Account of the 
 Trial of John Thurtell and Joseph Hunt." " The Life of an 
 Actor. By Pierce Egan." 
 
 It was the editor of this new sporting-paper who first intro- 
 duced that charming famUiarity of style and address in literary 
 composition which distinguishes journals of the same class at 
 the present day, and seems to make all the readers members of 
 one family, over which the friendly and accommodating editor 
 presides, asking now for half a crown, and then for five pounds, 
 in the same slangy, good-natured manner. Before half a dozen 
 numbers had appeared, we find these " benefit " advertisements 
 in Mr Egan's new journal : — 
 
 "A Likeness op Pierce Egan, in Us upper story—asking 
 
20 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 himself a few questions. The above jjortrait was exhibited in 
 the Eoyal Academy in 1821. Drawn by George Sharpless, 
 Esq., and is now engraved by Charles Turner, Esq., mezzo- 
 tinto-engraver in ordinary to His Majesty. P. E. will be 
 much obliged to those gentlemen who intend to honour him 
 with their commands, to give their orders as soon as pos- 
 sible, as but very few proof-plates will be struck off. Proofs, 
 £1, Is. Prints, 10s. 6d." 
 
 "TO THE SPORTING WORLD. 
 
 " The Friends of Pierce Egan are solicited to purchase 
 the following work, to place by the side of his celebrated 
 ' Life in London,' ' Life in Paris ; ' comprising the 
 Eambles, Sprees, and Amours of Dick Wildfire, of Corinthian 
 Celebrity, and his bang-up comjDanious, Squire Jenkins and 
 Captain O'Shuffleton, with twenty-one coloured plates, by Mr 
 George Cruikshank. In 1 vol., £1, Is. ; or in 21 Nos., Is. each." 
 
 It was of the artist who designed the plates to this work 
 that Thackeray once remarked, that though he had never been 
 in Paris, his pictures had " a great deal of life in them, and 
 would pass muster very well. A villainous race of shoulder- 
 shrugging mortals are his Frenchmen indeed. And the heroes 
 of the tale, a certain Mr Dick Wildfire, Squire Jenkins, and 
 Captain O'Shuffleton, are made to show the true British 
 superiority on every occasion when Britons and French are 
 brought together." 
 
 Pierce Egan's Sporting Journal was published at the high 
 price of 8|d. per copy. Upon reaching its ninety-fourth 
 number, January 4, 1824, a new series was commenced, and 
 the price was lowered to 7d. It continued to October 28, 
 1827, when it announced itself for sale in the following 
 advertisement : — 
 
INTRODUCTION. 21 
 
 To Newspaper Proprietors, News- A gents, Booksellers, ^c. 
 
 TO BE SOLD BY AUCTIOISr, on Fkiday, November 2, 
 that well-known, long-established, and highly-esteemed 
 Sunday-newspaper, entitled, 
 
 " PIERCE EGAN'S LIFE IN LONDON, AND 
 
 SPOUTING guide;' 
 
 Connected with the events of the Turf, the Chase, and 
 the Ring. 
 
 It was purchased by a Mr Bell, and henceforth the sporting 
 world was enlightened by Bell's Life in Londoi-:. 
 
 When the literature of the prize ring began to decline, 
 Mr Egan directed his attention to the literature of the theatre, 
 and his tact in the delineation of a certain side of life is exem- 
 plified in the farces which he has Avritten. He often went to 
 Oxford and Cambridge, where he was a great favourite, and 
 " glorious nights " with him in the Colleges there are j'et 
 remembered. As the representative of " Life and Sport " in 
 the great metropolis, it is not to be wondered at that his 
 company should be sought after in the provinces, 
 
 Mr Egan had assisted at a banquet in Newgate, in the days 
 when the Eev. Mr Cotton (the great book and curiosity col- 
 lector) had the pastoral charge of the black sheep there. 
 Matters are changed now, and the gay parties and drinking 
 bouts of Newgate are no more. He had also assisted at the 
 Nodes AmhrosiancE at Edinburgh, to which he had been invited 
 by a hoaxing letter from Professor Wilson, or some gentle- 
 man of equal eminence, and at which, to the dismay of the 
 Professor and his learned associates, he actually made his 
 appearance. 
 
\ 
 
 22 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 At one time he was treasurer or secretary to Mr Calcraft, 
 the lessee of a theatre in Dublin. During his engagement, the 
 then popular piece of Monsieur Jacques was being performed in 
 London,' in which a popular actor achieved a very remarkable 
 success. About the same time, another gentleman acquired in 
 his profession an eminence unattainable by imitators in another 
 line. The last-mentioned actor took his niche in the temple 
 of fame as " Jacko,"^ his personation of a monkey being so 
 true to nature that many persons thought nature had made a 
 mistake in conferring any instinct or attributes upon him be- 
 yond those enjoyed by the tribe " Simla." Mr Calcraft being 
 anxious to enlighten, instruct, and amuse his audiences, secured 
 the services of him who represented Monsieur Jacques, and also 
 of him who represented " Jacko." Their names were an- 
 nounced in the bills in the usual manner, and the house was 
 crowded to the ceiling. 
 
 Whether or not the majority, more e.specially in the gallery, 
 had read the announcement, or whether or not whisky, the 
 nectar of the Milesian " gods," had washed away the know- 
 ledge which the play-bills contained from their memories, is un- 
 certain ; certain it is that when " Monsieur Jacques " appeared, 
 a universal shout from Olympus demanded " Jacko," and, as in 
 Dublin such demonstrations are significant of something more 
 vigorous " to follow,'' the affair was becoming alarming. Un- 
 fortunately " Jacko " had not arrived at the theatre ; a crisis 
 seemed inevitable, when the presence of mind of Mr Egan 
 came to the rescue. He rushed upon the stage, took "Monsieur 
 Jacques '' by the hand, and advancing to the foot^lights, de- 
 manded a hearing. For a moment the clamour subsided ; he 
 took advantage of it, and addressed the clamourers. " Ladies 
 
 1 Jacko Macauko, the famous fighting monkey of the Westminster Pit 
 wae then attracting the attention of the sporting world. 
 
INTRODUCTION. 23 
 
 and gentlemen, the manager is aware that you have paid your 
 money, and honoured the house with your attendance, to wit- 
 ness the extraordinary performance of the man-monkey, 
 ' Jacko.' That gentleman is unavoidably absent from the 
 theatre this evening, but he will be here to-morrow. In the 
 meantime, here is a gentleman about to appear as ' Monsieur 
 Jacques.' The mistake in the names might be readily made. 
 'Jacques' and 'Jacko' are two different individuals, both 
 eminent in their respective lines. We cannot produce the 
 monkey to-night. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to intro- 
 duce for your approval the best substitute we can find in his 
 absence." 
 
 Whether the eloquence of the speaker, or the prepossessing 
 appearance of the substitute, operated to allay the indignation 
 of the audience, is immaterial. There were no dissentients ; 
 " Monsieur Jacques " reconciled everybody, and when the 
 man-monkey did make his appearance, he met with none the 
 less hearty reception. 
 
 After a time Mr Egan returned to London. From his youth 
 he had been fond of masquerades and private theatricals, and 
 frequently appeared in those characters which he could per- 
 sonate with the greatest success. As he advanced in years he 
 declined in the energies required for sustaining an assumed 
 character, and latterly made his appearance " as himself." It 
 one evening happened that he had partaken too freely of the 
 good things provided at the supper-table at one of these enter- 
 tainments. A temporary state of collapse ensued, and in that 
 condition he was consigned to a cab-driver, into whose vehicle 
 he was with some difficulty lifted by his associates. Eighteen 
 pence was placed in his waistcoat pocket, and his address given 
 to his consignee, with a particular injunction to be careful in the 
 delivery of his load, as he was no less a personage than a foreign 
 
24 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 nobleman recently arrived in London. The cabman, true to 
 his duty, trundled him to a street near Soho Square, and dis- 
 covered the house set forth in the document. On one of the 
 door-posts of the house there was a row of bell-handles, some 
 eight or ten in number, communicating with the rooms of some 
 eight or ten tenants of the premises. The cabman, without 
 loss of time, set all the bell- wires in motion, and, without much 
 delay, the heads of eight or ten people appeared at the windows 
 above, inquiring the cause of such interruption of their rest at 
 four o'clock in the morning. 
 
 " I have a foreign nobleman in the cab," replied the man, 
 " and I am to set him down here." 
 
 " No nobleman, foreign or domestic, lodges here,'' answered 
 the best-informed occupant: "and the sooner you move off 
 the better." 
 
 The cabman was not so easily satisfied as to the fact. 
 
 " I 'm positive he 's a foreign nobleman," he returned. " I 've 
 brought him from the masquerade, and he 's got money in his 
 pocket." 
 
 The last clause in the sentence produced an immediate sensa- 
 tion ; the heads withdrew from the windows, and the rapid 
 descent of feet was heard on the staircase. At the same 
 moment, a policeman made his appearance, whose presence 
 was probably less welcome than useful. The door was opened, 
 and a perfect colony surrounded the cab. 
 
 Poor Mr Egan, still insensible to everything around him, 
 was extricated from his recumbent position at the bottom of 
 the vehicle, rolled up after the manner of a hedgehog at the 
 approach of winter, owned by the aifectionate partner of his 
 sorrows and his joys, conveyed up-stairs with some difficulty, 
 put to bed, and tended with conjugal solicitude. He arose 
 next morning like a " giant refreshed with wine," and made 
 his appearance at his usual haunts unscathed by the effects of 
 
INTRODUCTION. zj 
 
 his nocturnal indulgence, and ready to commence de novo. He 
 was accustomed to relate the story with great good humour. 
 
 Mr Egan was one of the principal members of the famous 
 club known as The Owls — a society held at the " Sheridan 
 Knowles " Tavern, in Bridge Street, Covent Garden, opposite 
 to the box entrance of Drury Lane Theatre. One who remem- 
 bers the Owh^ says, that the session was what the French call en 
 pernvmence — continuous, without intermission, day or night. 
 Something of the same kind was attempted two years ago, under 
 the title of The One o'Clock Club ; but it came to nothing. 
 Night drinking is not so fashionable as formerly. Night, 
 indeed, was the season of glory for the " Owls;'' the dlite of 
 the members, of whom there were about two hundred, either 
 from their occupations or their habits, were not able, or not 
 inclined, to congregate for the purpose of pleasure till after 
 midnight. They then assembled for social merriment, and 
 that sharp conflict of wit which formed, or was intended to 
 form, the principal staple of their meeting. Sheridan 
 Knowles, tlie best dramatist of his day, was the patron, or, 
 to use the correct term, the " Chancellor " of the society. 
 His presence at the club was a guarantee that those assembled 
 there would hear something worth being remembered, and 
 that noisy or equivocal jocularity, and everything approaching 
 to indecorum, would be restrained. As a " vice-chair," he was 
 the best manager of such an assembly in England. 
 
 The honorary " chairman," or president of the club, was 
 Augustine Wade, a most odd character, and a fine specimen of 
 the Bohemian class. He had a vigorous intellect, was always 
 in difficulties, perpetually planning grand schemes and perform- 
 ing nothing. He was a first-rate classical scholar, a splendid 
 
 1 The Rev. Dr Richardson. 
 
26 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 musician, and composed admirably. " Meet me by Moonlight 
 alone " is one of his many pieces. 
 
 Some very droll stories are told of this eccentric and M. 
 Anati, whose daughter Wade was engaged to teach music. The 
 tutor, in a jovial moment, proposed to marry the lady, when 
 the father, in true Italian fashion, forced a pistol into the trem- 
 bling hand of Wade, and bade him get into the further corner 
 of the room, that they might exchange shots. Wade, who be- 
 fore was somewhat intoxicated, became suddenly sober, bolted 
 from M. Anati's house at Winchester, and — ^it is said — never 
 stopped until he was met in New Street, Covent Garden, 
 covered in dust, and utterly exhausted. 
 
 Another member of the " Owls '' was Mr Leman Eede, well 
 known as a popular ivriter of farces and melodramas. Eede 
 was in the club what they termed the " translator." Before 
 any new member could be admitted, he had to attend and 
 make a short speech, showing in what way lie was capable of 
 contributing to the amusement or edification of the club. 
 As not unfrequently happens, the proposed member was 
 "unaccustomed to public speaking," when it was " the Trans- 
 lator's " place to speak, or " translate," for the neophyte. In 
 doing this, he of course took such liberties with the gentle- 
 man's meaning and diction as lie thought proper ; and in the 
 process of " translating,'' made plenty of amusement for his 
 brother " Owls." It required no little wt and no little tact to 
 do this properly. Eede eminently possessed all the necessary 
 qualifications. 
 
 But we are straying from our subject. The club stories of 
 Old Covent Garden must have a book to themselves. 
 
 John Camden Hotten. 
 
 74 Piccadilly, llth Nov. 1869. 
 
DEDICATION 
 
 TO HIS MOST EXCELLENT MAJESTY 
 
 KING GEORGE THE FOURTH. 
 
 Most Gracious Sovereign, 
 
 I AM encouraged humbly to entreat permission to 
 dedicate the following Work to your Majesty by 
 that love and patronage which your Majesty has at all 
 times evinced for the protection of Literature and the 
 encouragement of the Fine Arts ; so eminently charac- 
 teristic of the accomplished Gentleman, the profound and 
 elegant Scholar, and the liberal and enlightened Prince. 
 
 And I am further emboldened by the numerous op- 
 portunities which your Majesty has had of witnessing 
 Life in London, as well in the humblest of dwellings 
 as iiT the most splendid of palaces. In the words of our 
 immortal Shakspeare — 
 
VI DEDICATION. 
 
 THe prince but studies his companions, 
 
 Like a strange tongue : wherein, to gain the lang\iage, 
 
 'Tis needful that the most immodest word 
 
 Be look'd upon and learn'd ; which, once attain'd, 
 
 Comes to no further xise 
 
 But to be known and hated. So, Hke gross terms, 
 
 The Prince will, in the perfection of time. 
 
 Cast off his followers ; and their memory 
 
 Shall, as a PATTERN, or a jieasure, live; 
 
 By which his grace must mete the lives of others, 
 
 Turning past evils to advantages. 
 
 " Born and bred amongst you, I glory in the name of 
 an Englishman," were the words of your late most revered, 
 venerable, and august Father ; and it is well known that 
 they have been repeated by your Majesty with redoubled 
 energy, pathos, and admiration. 
 
 Permit me, then, most gracious yiRE, to observe, that 
 an accui'ate knowledge of the manners, habits, and feel- 
 ings of a brave and free people is not to be acquii-ed in 
 the CLOSET, nor is it to be derived from the formal routine 
 precepts of tutors. It is only by means of a free and 
 unrestrained intercourse with society, most gracious Sire, 
 that an intimate acquaintance is to be obtained M'ith 
 Englishmen : for this purpose it is necessary to view their 
 pastimes, to hear their remarks, and, from such sources, 
 to be enabled to study their character. 
 
 Your Majesty's education, habits, early introduction to 
 
DEDICA TION. VU 
 
 life, and connexions with the most eminent persons In the 
 state, distinguished for their superior talents and ex- 
 perience, have enabled your Majesty to accomplish this 
 most important point, so essential to the mind of a 
 British Monarch, and so congenial with that constitution 
 under which we live, and which may bid defiance to the 
 whole world, for solidity and permanence. 
 
 Indeed, the whole chapter of Life in London has been 
 so repeatedly perused by your Majesty, In such a variety 
 of shapes, from the elegant A. the refined B. the polite C. 
 the lively D. the eloquent E. the honest F. the stately Gr. 
 the peep-o'-day H. the tasteful I. the manly J. the good K. 
 the noble L. the stylish M. the brave N. the liberal 0. the 
 proud P. the long-headed Q. the animated E. the ivitty S. 
 the flash T. the knowing U. the honourable V. the con- 
 summate W. the funny X. the musical T. and the poetical 
 Z., that It would only be a waste of your Majesty's 
 valuable time to expatiate further upon this subject. 
 
 Pardon me, most gracious Sire, in remarking, that the 
 exalted Personage whom we all look up to has been, 
 without adulation, enabled, by such opportunities, to have, 
 as it were, the pulse of the people In his hands, to feel 
 how it beats, and to prescribe accordingly. That your 
 Majesty's people may never be Insensible to your 
 Majesty's care and exertion for their welfare ; that the 
 
viii DEDICATION^ 
 
 heart of the King may be always directed towards the 
 happiness of his subjects, and his ears open to a " bit of 
 good truth," 
 
 Is the most sincere 
 
 and" honest wish of 
 YouK Majesty's 
 
 Very humble, loyal, and 
 obedient subject, 
 
 PIEBCE EGAN, 
 
 July 19, 1821. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 Chap. I. — Or, rather, "An Invocation;" scarcely im- 
 portant enough to be denominated a Chapter, yet, 
 nevertheless, thought expedient, i 
 
 Chap. II. ^ — A Camera Obscura View of the Metropolis, 
 with the Light and Shade attached to " seeing Life" . 1 8 
 
 Chap. III. — A short Sketch of the Author's Talents in 
 takitig a Likeness ; or, in other words {and perhaps 
 far more appropriate), a Pm-and-Lik Drawing of 
 Corinthian Tom, 68 
 
 Chap. IV. — The great Advantages resulting from a Man^ s 
 Father being " born " before him, illustrated with some 
 curious Facts ; and also pointing out that a true 
 Knowledge of the World is gained only by Conversa- 
 tion, and that the Manners of every Rank must be 
 seen in order to be known, 80 
 
 Chap. V. — Corinthian Tom's unceasi7ig Anxiety to mix 
 ■with the World uncontrQlkd. . His Acqtcaintance with 
 Young Logic, an Oxonian. Character of the latter. 
 Death of Tom's Parents, 98 
 
X CONTENTS. 
 
 PACE 
 
 Chap. VI.— ^ Word or two respecting " Architects of 
 THEIR OWN Fortunes." Tom out of his Leading- 
 Strings. Poetic Invocation to the Pleastires of Life. 
 His hurried Entrance into all Classes of Society. A 
 few additional Touches of the Author towards finishing 
 Tom's Likeness. The Impression Tom made upon the 
 Town. Acquirement of his Title. A slight Glance at 
 Tom's Choice of a i^««a/^— Corinthian Kate, . .109 
 
 Chap. VII. — Corinthian Tom's Excesses render Rustica- 
 tion necessary. A Visit to Hawthorn Hall. Jerry 
 Hawthorn's Introduction to Tom. Character of the 
 latter. A Day's Sporting. A Jollification at Haw- 
 thorn Hall. Tom's descriptive Song of the Metropolis. 
 'i'EKS.'^'s A}-rival in London, 122 
 
 Chap. VIII. — Jerry an Inmate of Corinthian House — Its 
 Taste and Elegance described. Useful Hints from 
 Tom to Jerry. The latter in training to become a 
 Swell. His Introduction to Bob Logic. A Ride 
 in Rotten Row, 167 
 
 Chap. IX. — Tou and]-EWKV visit the Playhouses. A Stroll 
 through the Saloon of Covent Garden Theatre. Taking 
 "Blue Ruin" at the "Sluicery" after the "Spell 
 is broken up." A Peep into a Cofiee-Shop at Midnight. 
 Tom a7id Jerry in "Trouble" after a "Spree." 
 A Night-Charge at Bow Street Office; with other 
 Matters worth knowi?ig, respecting tlie unfortunate 
 Cyprian, the feeling Coachman, aiid the generous 
 Magistrate, 209 
 
 Chap. X.— Tom and Jerry at a Masquerade Supper at 
 the Opera House. An Assignation. A Lounge in 
 
CONTENTS. XI 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Bo7id Street. A Visit to Mr Jackson's Rooms. Tom, 
 Logic, and Jerry call upon the Champion of 
 England, to view his Parlour and the Silver Cup. 
 A Turn into the Westminster Pit, to sport their Blunt 
 on the Phenomenon Monkey. Finishing the Evening, 
 and " getting the best of a C^AV.iJEX," 229 
 
 Chap. XI. — The Contrast — Country and Town : Evil 
 Communication corrupts good Manners. A '■'■Look-in" 
 at Tattersall's. Gay Moments ; or. An Introduc- 
 tion of Jerry and Logic by Tom to Corinthian 
 Kate. Tom exhibits his Knowledge of Fencing in 
 an "Assault" 7vith Mr O'Shaunessy. Kate and 
 Sue caught upon the Sly, on their Visit to the Old 
 Fortune-Teller, by Hawthorn and the Corinthian. 
 The " Ne plus ultra of Life in London." A Visit 
 to Carlton Palace by Kate, Sue, Tom, Jerry, a7id 
 Logic, 271 
 
 Chap. XII. — A short Digression, in the Shape of an 
 Apology, but not intmded by way of an Excuse, y^;- 
 Persons witnessing " Life in London." Peep-d-Day- 
 Boys. A Stj'cet-Row . The Avi'aO'B.losijig his "Reader." 
 Tom ajid Jerry " showing Fight" and 'Logic floored. 
 Honour among Thieves. The Pocket-Book — a rich 
 Anecdote. The Tuio visit the Condemned Yard in 
 Newgate. Symptoms of the " Finish ^some sorts of 
 Life " in London. A Glance at the Royal Exchange. 
 Tom, Jerry, and Logic entering into the Spirit of 
 the Lark, at ALL-MAX, in the East. Invocation to 
 Politeness — a Touch of the Sublime ! The Con- 
 trast. Climax of " Life in London" in the West. 
 
xu CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Tom and Jerry on their P's and Q's at ALMACK'S ; 
 
 or, A Fat Sorrow letter than a Lean One, . . . .308 
 
 Chap. XIII. — Logic's Descriptive crambo Chaunt of the 
 Traits of the Trio. Tempus Fugit in the Metropolis. 
 Varieties of Life in London. Tom, Jerry, and 
 Logic sporting their Blunt at the Royal Cockpit. 
 What is termed, "■ A friendly Game of Whist" The 
 Trio "larking" at the Grand Carnival. A Peep en 
 passant at the Green-Rooin at Drury Lane Theatre. 
 A Stroll to the London Docks. The Effects of tasting 
 Wine in the Wood. The Ltalian Opera,. 346 
 
 Chap. XIV. — The Trio making the most of an Evening at 
 Vauxhall. Tom and Jerry visiting the Exhibition 
 of Pictures at the Royal Academy. Hawthorn, 
 Tom, and Logic "masquerading it" ainong the Ckd- 
 GERS in the " Back Slums " in the Holy Land. The 
 Corinthian and his Coz taking the Hint at Logic's 
 being " Blown up" at Point Non-Plus, or long wanted 
 by John Doe and Richard Roe, and must come. 
 Symptoms of 1'EKs:^ being rather out of Condition , . .365 
 
 Chap. XV. — The Oxonian! s Card. Tom and Jerry visit- 
 ing Logic on " board the Fleet ! " The Humours of a 
 Whistling-Shop. Logic's Horse. Jerry " beat to a 
 stand-still!" Dr Please'em's Prescription. The 
 Oxonian and Tom's Condolence. A Man cannot have 
 his Cake and eat it. Pleasure versus Pain. The 
 Manuscript. White Horse Cellar, Piccadilly ; Tom 
 and Logic bidding Jerry "good-bye^' on his Return 
 to Hawthorn Hall, 381 
 
ILLUSTRATIONS. 
 
 THE Frontispiece represents an arcliitectural column, in order 
 to afford a sufficient space to delineate the varieties of Life 
 IN London, the top of which ia 
 
 THE COEINTHIAN 
 CAPITAL : 
 
 The King on his throne, giving an audience to his subjects, and 
 which, for derivation, the Universities must admit is " the top of 
 the tree!" (The Roses, Pinks, and Tulips : i\\e flowers of Society.) 
 
 The Circle portrays Tom, Logic, and Jerry, "all happiness" and 
 who do not care a, fig for the Bhie Devils ; the Corinthian singing 
 a verse from Bdrns : — 
 
 Here are we met, THREE merry hoys, 
 
 Three meny boys I trow are we; 
 And mony a night we 've merry been, 
 
 And mony mae we hope to be I 
 
 Logic (who is neai-ly done over) hiccowghiiig " Life's a bumper ! " 
 and Jerry roaring out part of Tom's cliaunt of 
 
 " Dancing, singing, full of glee, 
 0, London, London town for me I " 
 
 At the FOUR corners of the Circle are depicted the INS (a gaol ; a, 
 covey peeping through the bars) : the OUTS (the finest view of a 
 prison is the outside ; and it is enough to make any lad dance with- 
 out music when he obtains that much-wiahed-for spot) : the UPS 
 (that is, to be up to " push along,'' and to " keep moving," while a 
 chance remains, to sport a natty gig, a prime /a«< one, and to have a 
 
xiv ILL USTRA TIONS. 
 
 pretty "piece of goods" by your side, just to show the world what a 
 gay fellow you are) : and the DOWNS of Life in London. (When a 
 man is down, down with him : he is then of no iwe to anybody ; 
 and who would lose his time to give him any help ? therefore, he 
 must get upon his pins how he can. He had no business to get into 
 such a sitivation /) 
 
 The other four Angles represent the different classes of society 
 in the Metropolis. The NOBLE (high birth ; on such good terms 
 with himself that if a corrmioner accidentally touch him in crossing 
 his path, he looks down, with a sort of contempt, muttering, "Z* — n 
 you, who are you ?) the RESPECTABLE (the merchant, &c., their 
 stilted place in life acquired by talent, or from lucky circumstances, 
 with more upstart pride than the former character, and fastidiously 
 squeamish in mixing with any but upper customers) : the ME- 
 CHANICAL (honest, industrious, merry, and happy, if not more 
 so in London, perhaps, than the other two classes put together, and 
 so independent in mind as to chaff " win gold and wear it ") : and the 
 TAQ-EAG and BOB-TAIL squad (who do not care how the hlunt 
 comes or how it goes. Togs or no togs ! but, nevertheless, who must 
 live at any price, and see a " hit of life" let the world jog on how it 
 will ; yet who can drop a iearupon a sorrowful event — laugh heartily 
 at fun — shahe with cold — perspire with heat — and go to roost much 
 sounder upon a dust-hill than many of the swells can snooze upon 
 their dabs; likewise, in comparing notes, feel happy in the presump- 
 tion that there are hundreds worse off in society than themselves. 
 
 THE BASE, 
 
 or groundworlc, of the design, is a sort of sweeping clause to the 
 whole of the picture, and serves to show, from the HIGHEST to the 
 LOWEST member of society, that the ramifications would not have 
 been complete if a shade only had been forgotten in the portraiture 
 of LIFE IN LONDON. The Vegetables— Bunches of Turn-vva ; 
 and Strings of Ingens. 
 
 Page 
 The Music of Corinthian Tom's Song . . , 143-159 
 
 Jeny in training for a Swell . . . . . 18G 
 
 To7n and Jerry sporting their Bits of Blood among the Pinks 
 
 in Rotten-Row ...... 192 
 
ILL USTRA TIONS. xv 
 
 Page 
 
 Tom and Jerry in the Saloon of Coveut-Gardeu Theatre . 2] 2 
 
 Tom and Jerr^/ taking Blue Ruin after the Spell is broken up . 218 
 
 Midnight. — Tom and Jerry at a Coffee-shop near the Olympic . 219 
 
 To7)\ and Jerry in Trouble after a Spree . . . 222 
 
 "Bow Stkeet. — Tom and Jerry's Sensibility awakened at the 
 pathetic Talc of the elegant Cyprian, the feeling Coach- 
 man, and the generous Magistrate .... 224 
 
 Tom and Jerry larking at a Masquerade Supper at the Opcra- 
 
 House ....... 230 
 
 Art op Self-Defence. — Tom and Jerry receiving lustructious 
 
 from Mr Jackson, at his Eooms in Bond Street . . 254 
 
 Cribb's Parlour. — Tom introducing Jerry and Logic to the 
 
 Champion of England ..... 257 
 
 Tom and Jerry sporting their Blunt on the Phenomenon Mon- 
 key, Jacco Maocaoco, at the Westminster Pit . , 259 
 
 Tom getting the best of a Charley .... 269 
 
 A " Look in " at Tattersall's. — Tom taking Jen-ifs judgment 
 
 in purchasing a Prad ..... 273 
 
 An Introduction. — Gay Moments of Logic, Jerry, Tom, and 
 
 Coj-inthian Kate ...... 285 
 
 Fencing. — Jerry'' s Admiration of Tom in an "Assault" with 
 
 Mr O'Shauuessy, at the Eooms in St James's Street . 288 
 
 Tom and Jerry catching Kate and ti%e, on the sly, having their 
 
 Fortunes told . . . . . .292 
 
 The Ne Plus Ultra of Life in London.— /utile, Sw, Tom, 
 Jerry, and Logic viewing the Throne-Koom at Carlton 
 Palace . . . . . . .296 
 
 Life in London. — Peep o' Day Boys. A Street How. The 
 Author losing his "■Reader!' Tom and Jerry showing 
 Fight, and Logic floored . . . . .311 
 
 Symptmns of the Finish of some Sorts of Life in London. — 'Pom, 
 
 Jerry, and Logic in the Press- Yard at Newgate . . 315 
 
xvi ILL USTRA TIONS. 
 
 Page 
 The Royal Exdiaivga. — Tom pointing out to Jarry a few of the 
 
 primest Features of Life in London . . .317 
 
 Lowest "Life in London." — Tom, Jerry, and Logic among the 
 unsophisticated Sons and Daughters of Nature, at " ALL- 
 MAX," in the East 320 
 
 Highest "Life in London!' — Tom and Jerry "sporting a Toe" 
 
 among the Corinthians, at ALMACKS, in the "West . 343 
 
 Tov,, Jerry, and Logic, backing Tommy the Stoeep, at the Eoyal 
 
 Cock-Pit , . 351 
 
 A Game at Whist. — Tom and Jerry among the Swell "Broad 
 
 Coves" ....... 353 
 
 Tom, Jerry, and Logic in Characters at the Grand Carnival . 355 
 
 The Green-Room at Brury Lane Theatre. — Tom and Jerry in- 
 troduced to the Characters in Don Giovanni . . 357 
 
 Tom, Jerry, and Logic " tasting Wine " in the Wood, at the 
 
 London Docks ...... 361 
 
 Outside of the Opera-House at Night. — Gallantry of Tom and 
 
 Jerry . . . . . . .263 
 
 Tom, Jerry, and Logic making the most of an Evening at 
 
 Vauxhall ....... 370 
 
 A Shilling well laid out. — Tom and Jejry at the Eoyal 
 
 Academy ....... 373 
 
 Tom and Jerry " masquerading it " among the Cadgers in the 
 
 Bach Slwms in the Holy Laud .... 378 
 
 Tom and Jerry taking the Hint at Logic's being blown up at 
 "Point Non-Plus," or long wanted by John Doe and 
 Richard Roe, and must " come " . . . . 379 
 
 ^■1 Whistling Shop. — Tom and Jerry visiting Logic on board 
 
 the Fleet ....... 382 
 
 Jerry beat to a Stand-still. Dr Please'em's Prescription. Tom 
 
 and Logic's Condolence, and the "Slavey's " on the alert . 392 
 
 White Horse Cellar, Piccadilly. Tom and Logic bidding Jerry 
 
 "good-bye" on his Ret\ini to Hawthorn IMl . . 406 
 
LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Oi, rather, "an invocation ;" scarcely important enough to be 
 denominated a Chapter, yet, nevertheless, thought expedient. 
 
 IT will, perhaps, scarcely be denied, that few, if any, 
 writers, out of the great mass of living scribblers, 
 whether of Grub Street ^ fabricatmi, or of University pass- 
 port, who possess " souls above buttons," can be so insen- 
 sibly frigid as to be careless about the pleasing, grateful, 
 
 ^ This phrase, respecting the residence of authoks, is nearly obsolete ; 
 and, in point of fact, it is altogether erroneous. If it might not be deemed 
 trespassing rather tao feelingly upon so delicate a subject, in consulting the 
 best authorities, both living and dead, it will be found that hungry authoks, 
 in the best of times, have had very little to do with Grub Street ! * the 
 smell of the joint being more within their province than the actual posses- 
 sion of the substance, the latter being left to grace the table of the book- 
 seller. But, to return to the phrase in question, an original author might 
 likewise be averred to be as nearly obsolete. That iiitcTise study formerly 
 required to make up the character of an author, is, at the present period 
 (1820,1, greatly relieved, as it should seem that literature has kept pace 
 
 * It 13 scarcely necessaiy to explain the meaning of Grub ; it is a subject in the mouth 
 of eveiybody, and therefore interesting to the taste. Indeed, this sort of cant is quite 
 current throughout all ranks of society, and i.s well understood. 
 
50 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 inspiring, nay, golden advantages resulting from the smiles 
 of that supreme goddess of the gods, FAME! It is the 
 "flattering unction" that all authors sigh to be anointed 
 with. The bookseller's Imch, of Eosinante quality, even 
 mends his ipaoe upon it ; the s])ar& Poet, too, having once 
 obtained only a small ray of this sunshine of public favour, 
 spurs his Pegasus into a hurried trot to bring forth another 
 production ; and the once characterised faithful historian, and 
 equally animated biographer, pushes forward at full gallop to 
 the winning-post, that not only again promulgates their 
 rapidity of action and correctness of feature, but erects a 
 sort of standard whereby their future interesting and noble 
 qualities may be anticipated. It is, therefore, a stimulus 
 to exertion ; it must also be admitted that it is laudable 
 to exercise the MIND, if improvement be the object in view, 
 and it is equally so to excel : nay more, it is the secret 
 gratifying reward, whether in public or in private,^ of all 
 writers. 
 
 with the new buildings in the Metropolis ; and new streets and new books 
 have been produced, as it were, by magic. This rapid improvement made 
 in the literary world is owing to those extensive naanufacturers of new 
 works, Messrs SoissoES and Paste. These heroes of steam-engine velocity 
 have not only produced huge quartos without being at the expense of a 
 pennyworth of ink, but have also had the hnack of procuring high prices 
 too : so say the shopmen westward ; and these behind-the-counter gentry 
 will sometimes let the cat out of the hag I But then, after all, where is the 
 surprise ? Is it new in London ? 
 
 ' It may be proper here to state, that one instance offers itself directly 
 in opposition to the former part of this sentence. Nothing, it seems, 
 could draw Jdmus from his hiding-place to receive the crown of laurel 
 which an admiring public would have bestowed upon him, as a reward due 
 to his great and powerful talents. What were the amount of his feelings 
 upon this occasion, in private, it ia impossible to make any remarks • but 
 if there 18 any scale attached to self-gi-atification, we imagine they must 
 
"AN INVOCA TION." 3 1 
 
 All I who can tell how hard it is to climb 
 
 The steep where Fame's proud temple shines afar ! 
 
 Then, thou bemtching, all-captivating GODDESS, make me a 
 
 have been felicitous in the extreme. At all events, the above self-denial 
 is a proof of an enlarged mind. Silence, however, it is well known, is not 
 without its advantages ; and Junius may, in a great degree, have preserved 
 his vast eminence, from this quality; for, such is the caprice of fleeting 
 popularity, that while excellence and admiration are acknowledged when 
 the author is anonymous, yet, no sooner ia a signatui-e attached to the 
 performance, than the work becomes unheeded, unsought after, and 
 ultimately sinks into oblivion. Numerous instances might be cited to 
 prove the truth of this assertion in the records of literature ; one of which 
 is a fact so demonstrative, that, as a guide to writers in general, it ought 
 not to be passed over. In the year 1811, an obscure individual projected 
 a weekly newspaper, the profits arising from which were to be applied for 
 the benefit of a large body of subscribers, all of whom were connected 
 with works of literature. The prospectuses, &c., were well received by 
 the public, and in a short time the newspaper in question was produced, 
 much to the satisfaction of the subscribers, by the individual alone alluded 
 to. Yet, rather strange to remark (but it should have been previously 
 mentioned, this literary concern was managed by a Committee), that, at 
 the expiration of five weeks, a public meeting of the subscribers was sum- 
 moned, and among the subjects submitted to their consideration was the 
 incapacity of the Editor. This circumstance brought on a long debate, 
 when one of the subscriber,?,* then unknown to the obscure Editor, urged, 
 with much eloquence, the capability already displayed by the person con- 
 ducting the five newspapers published, and a majority of seventy was 
 obtained out of one hvmdred that voted in his favour. The Editor, in 
 consequence, continued his labours for a few more weeks ; but still the 
 Committee were so far from being satisfied with his eiforts, that they 
 came to a resolution of ofifering a liberal remuneration to any person who 
 should send them the best written Political Essays. This intimation was 
 made public by an advertisement in their own journal. The Editor was 
 advised by a friend to take advantage of this opportunity, and he actually 
 sent two essays, under different signatures, which were approved of, and 
 
 * Mr Wooler. 
 
32 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 ladder higher than the architects can use, that I may reach 
 thy^;«se«c«, invoke thy cheering smiles, and at thy dazzling 
 shrine humbly prostrate myself; and, although I solicit not 
 Glendower's art, to call forth " spirits from the vasty deep," 
 yet, fair goddess, stretch forth thy " knightlwod " hand, and 
 render me thy assistance to catch some portion of that real 
 departed talent, if possible, which once animated a FiELDiNfi, 
 a Goldsmith, a Smollett, and a Sterne, in their portraitures 
 of " Life." Also, thou matchless deity, let me crave it as a 
 boon, that, under thy flowery mantle, I may imbibe a liiile 
 of that " excellence, novelty, and ndivetd," which still hover 
 about the heads of the MODERN WRITERS, who "sit in the 
 whirlwind of LITERATURE, and direct the STORM " in the Metro- 
 polis. But, above all, as my last request, if it please thee to 
 shower down thy favours on my humble efforts, let not thy 
 powerful rays render me insensible nor unmindful of the 
 triumphant beauties of imperishable TRUTH. Let Argus keep 
 his hundred eyes always open, and be my sentinel towards 
 preventing the appearance of FALSEHOOD in any shape : and, 
 before I say farewell, also give Cerberus an appointment to 
 watch over my desk, that no horrifying imaginary spectres 
 
 inserted in the newspaper. A deliberation Boon afterwards took place 
 among the Committee, in what manner these Essays should be paid for, 
 when they generously determined the value they placed upon them should 
 be deducted from the Editor's salary. But when the latter convinced 
 them the essays which had been the theme of discussion were his own 
 productions, it would be needless to describe the confusion and shame 
 which occurred. However, the obscure Editor derived one important 
 satisfaction to his feelings, that the Committee had been caught in their 
 own trap, and could not retreat from the praises they had bestowed upon 
 his talents. The Editor, of course, after such treatment, retired in disfust. 
 The above fact clearly points put the advantages derived from writin" 
 anonymovshj. 
 
"AN INVOCA TION." 33 
 
 may introduce themselves into this work, and none but real 
 portraits illuminate " Life in London." 
 
 Come, then, thou shades of departed talent, enrich my 
 judgment, guide my pen, and inspire me with confidence 
 to commence my arduous undertaking. It is to thee, Sterne, 
 I first humbly bend my knee, and solicit thy most powerful 
 aid. If thou didst not use up all thy stock of sensibility 
 before thou wert called away to enjoy the reward of thy 
 exertions in the bowers of Elysium, pray tell me where thou 
 didst deposit that most precious bottle, that I may with 
 an eagerness unexampled, uncork its treasures, and apply 
 every drop after thy rich felicity : I have great need of 
 it. And Fielding, too, thou true delineator of human 
 NATURE, if only a small remnant of thy mantle has been 
 left behind, let me but know it, that I may ransack every 
 piece-broker's house in the kingdom, till I become the 
 master of such an invaluable stimulus to exertion. And, 
 although another Sophia Western, perhaps, is not to 
 be met with in the walks of the present day, if it were 
 my precise object, yet, let me but produce some similarity 
 towards the double of a Tom Jones or a Booth, and the 
 highest pinnacle of my ambition is attained. Smollett, 
 thy touching heartfelt qualities break in upon me so pene- 
 tratingly, that I must also invoke thy friendly shrine ! And 
 if a EoRY Random or a Lieutenant Bowling should ever 
 cross my path, instruct me to portray their noble traits 
 with all that richness of colouring, and peculiar happi- 
 ness of style, that once embellished thy truly characteristic 
 pen. 
 
 Advance, also, thou Metropolitan Heroes of Literary Ee- 
 nowDj whether of Genius great, either of romantic style, or of 
 
 c 
 
34 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Poetry exquisite, of Don Juan or Lalla Eookh quality, it 
 matters not, if generosity lie mttin thine inkstands, and ye put 
 forth your good wishes for my success ; show me your pass- 
 forts to excellence, and put me in the right road, that I may 
 ultimately obtain your proud signatures and arrive safe at 
 the end of my journey. 
 
 Eeviews, those terrific Censors of the timid writer, and 
 arbiters of the press, whether Quabterly, or at Edin- 
 burgh, you apply the hnife, bear it in mind that Van 
 BUTCHELL advertises to perform cures mthout cutting ; and 
 that Abernethy is himself, alone! and also remember, 
 thou sages of the quill, that many an unfortunate homo 
 who has been " damned to everlasting Fame," and disposed 
 of in a Jef, in thy most omnipotent pages ; yet has, from 
 the resuscitating glossy aid of Messrs Day and Martin, 
 become a shining Literary Character in Paternoster 
 Eow, and formed one of the real Portraits of LlEE IN 
 London ! 
 
 Come forth, my Mag. of BLACKWOOD ; thee, too, I must 
 invoke ! thou chiel of Satire, whose lively sallies and 
 " laughing-in-the-sleeve greatness,'' that would have paralysed 
 the pencil of a Hogarth, or struck dumb the piquant ridicule 
 of a Churchill, if the grim King of Terrors had not de- 
 prived us of their talents ; I challenge thee to the scratch ! 
 'Tis One of the Fa^jcy calls! But, from thy lamh-liJce 
 qualities and playful artillery, it must only be a private set-to 
 with the gloves. My hand grapples ivith you in friendship — 
 it possesses not weight enough to combat with thee, although 
 the pluck, perhaps, attached to it may be always gay. Be 
 it remembered, that Blackwood is always in training — 
 
"AN INVOCATION." 35 
 
 he hits 60 very hard — and his backers'- are likewise bo 
 aumerous amongst the Greeks, Latins, Hebrews, and Classics, 
 that it would be two to one against an open contest : there- 
 fore, good Mr Blackwood, be just, nay, be more, " be merciful. 
 It is doubly bless'd ; " and you know, Blacky,'^ " it blesseth 
 him that gives ^ and him that takes." Then jloor me not ; but, 
 instead, — 
 
 Skoot thine arrow o'er thy house, — • 
 And do not wound thy brother ; 
 
 but whisper to the Pack, and particularly to the whipper- 
 in, Old Christopher North, that "'tis I" — (your flashry 
 friend of the South). But let me entreat of you, Mr Black- 
 wood, to lottler^ff a few of thy little mastery touches 
 (as full of fire as thy famed whisky), and send them to me 
 with all the speed of the mail, lest my stock of spirits should 
 be exhausted, and that Life in London may be enriched 
 with the fine colouring of a Meg Merrilees, if it be only in 
 perspective. 
 
 And, Mr Colbukn (thou indefatigable promoter of literal 
 
 ■^ "'Pon Honour," there is not the slightest allusion intended to the 
 tack shop I 
 
 2 A friendly term, rest assured, although it has a singular sound : and 
 however I may feel, nay, almost perceive, the late Colossus of Literature's 
 frown upon me in regard to punning, it is hut gentlemanly conduct to 
 state, there is nothing opaque ahout the Mag. of this Literary Purveyor^ 
 and that /atrness floats, like a triumphant car, proudly on the surface of all 
 his pages. 
 
 ^ However synonymous, in this instance they do not helong to the Prize 
 King ; therefore, to he parliamentary upon the subject (and I am sure, 
 Blacky, you will not quarrel with me for imitating my betters), this must 
 be taken as a sort of whisper of explanation across the table, which, per- 
 haps, if otherwise noticed by the Speaker, he might be induced to cry oufa 
 Order, order I 
 
36 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 ture), thy assistance I most humbly crave ! indeed, I feel 
 assured that thy spirited and liberal disposition will not 
 permit thee to omit informing those dashing belles and 
 beaux, whose morning lounge gives thy repository of the mind 
 an air of fashion, that Life in London is worthy of their 
 perusal. 
 
 Humphreys, too, thou plentiful caterer for the sons 
 of Momus, only one little pane of glass in thy attractive 
 shop-front I entreat for the display of Cokinthian Tom, 
 that he may be viewed quite " at home " in St James's 
 Street. Thou know'st me, and I already anticipate 'tis 
 done. 
 
 But thou, Murray ! whose classic front defies, with 
 terrific awe, ill-starred, pale, wan, and sJiahUhj-<ila,i Genius 
 from ajiproaching thy splendid threshold, retreat a little from 
 thy rigid reserve, and for once open thy doors, and take 
 the unsophisticated Jerry Haa\t:horn by the hand; and 
 although not a Childe Harold in birth, a Corsair bold, or 
 a Hardy Vaux, wrdcJied exile ; yet let me solicit thee to in- 
 troduce him to thy numerous acquaintance, that, having once 
 obtained thy smiling sanction, Jerry may not only have 
 the honour of being allowed to call again, but to offer his 
 services throughout thy extended circle. Grant me but 
 this, and whether in simple quires, in humble boards, or in 
 Eussia, triumphantly gilt, so that thou promote my fame, 
 my gratitude attends thee, and values not the mode of thy 
 favours. 
 
 Professors of the Eoyal Academy, let me entreat you 
 not to avert your microscojjic eyes from my palpitating 
 efforts ; but second my elevated wishes, if it seem good to 
 
"AN INVO CA TION. " 37 
 
 your taste, that Corinthian Tom may prove so "fine a 
 subject" as to occupy one of the interesting lectures of a 
 Caelyle ; and also that his " beauty of form " may be 
 found worthy of a page of the unassuming, enlightened, 
 and communicative Flaxman. And Fuseli, thou great 
 master of the pencil, let me solicit thy aid to prevent*JERRY 
 Hawthorn's portrait from being out of drawing ; and let the 
 perspective of my tale be as accurate as a Turner could vi^ish 
 or accomplish : and, as the desideratum of the whole, may the 
 architecture of Life in London merit the elegant and liberal 
 criticism of a Soane. 
 
 AccUM, be thou kind enough to furnish me with a gentle 
 hint, that I may not only enjoy all thy nicety of palate and 
 taste, but reject every imisonous ingredient to the mind,^ and 
 be enabled to dishup a most sumptuous repast for all my 
 readers. 
 
 Christie, I am sure thy goodness will not refuse me the 
 loan of thy erudite hammer, if not to knock down, yet to dis- 
 pose of every coarse and offensive article ; nay more, let them 
 not be numbered in the adalogue of my offences. 
 
 O'Shaughnessy, fashion me into thy fine attitudes and 
 guard, to protect me from assaults in all the hair-breadth 
 escapes I may have to encounter in my day and midnight 
 rambles. And thou, mighty and powerful champion, 
 Cribb, admired hero of the stage, teach me to make a hit 
 
 I Secokd Edition, Jan. 8, 1821. — Recent circumstancea, disclosed to 
 the Subscribers of Life in London, imperatively compel me to atate, that 
 the MIND of this Ckemht will not bear analysinff, aa I had previously 
 anticipated. " Out, damned spot ! " 
 
38 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 of so KeAN a quality, that it may not only tdl, but be long 
 remembered in the Metropolis, and Paternoster-Eow trumpet 
 forth its praise and excellence throughout the most distant 
 provinces. 
 
 * 
 AcKERMAN, if ever thou didst value the Tour of Dr 
 Syntax, I call upon thee now to lend thy friendly assistance 
 and protection to Corinthian Tom and his rustic protdgi 
 poor Jerry. Present a copy of their sprees and rambles 
 to the learned Doctor, and his " Picturesque " brain will be all 
 on fire for. another tour, from the new scenes it will develop 
 to his unbounded thirst for enterprise and knowledge. 
 
 And thou, too, HoNE, thou king of parodists! turn not 
 a deaf ear to my request, but condescendingly grant the 
 petition of your most humble suitor. In my diversity of 
 research, teach me " how to tell my story," that I may not 
 only woo the public with success and fame, but produce that 
 fine edge in sharpening up my ideas, yet, withal so smooth and 
 oily, that instead of wounding characters, I may merely ticlde 
 them and create a smile ! 
 
 TremUingly alive ! nay, heavily oppressed with agitation 
 and fear, I now intrude myself into thy presence, thou re- 
 nowned hero of the police, Tovs'^nshend. Do not frown upon 
 me, but stretch out thine hand to my assistance, thou bashaw 
 of the pigs^ and ail-but beaJcl^ The satellite of kings and 
 princes, protector of the nobility, and one of the safeguards of 
 the Metropolis. Listen to my application, I entreat of thee, 
 " my knowing one," and for once let me take a peep into thy 
 
 ' Thief-takerB. ' Magistrate. 
 
"AN INVOCA TION." 39 
 
 hidden invaluable secrets. It is only a glance at thy reader^ 
 that I request : 
 
 Wherein, of hundreds topp'd,^ thousands lagg'd ;" 
 And of the innumerable teazings ' thou has book'd ; 
 
 thy " Life in London," alone, is a history of such magnitude, 
 that, if once developed, the "Adventures of Eobinson 
 Crusoe " must he forgotten. O teach me, ToWNSY, to be as 
 down in my portraits as thou art in giving all the light and 
 shade of criminality to the nightly mysteries of the wary 
 FENCE,^ when pressing for a conviction; and, likewise, to 
 keep as sharp a look-out after Characlers in the ball-room of 
 the CoEiNTHiANS as thy penetrating eyes scour the abodes of 
 the great when "at home"" to make all right. I ask no 
 more than 
 
 Sit mihi fas audita loqui : sit numine vestro 
 Pandere res altl terra et caUgine mersas. 
 
 Li all the varied portraiture of the interesting scenes of 
 Life, let me invoke thy superior talents. Bob and George 
 Cruikshank (thou Gillray of the day, and of Don Saltero 
 greatness), to my anxious aid. Indeed, I have need of all 
 thy illustrative touches ; and may we be hand-and-glove to- 
 gether in depicting the richness of nature, which so wantonly. 
 
 ^ Pooket-hook. Townshend's first introduction to the police, it seems, 
 was owing to his knowledge of the numerous persons hanged, transported, 
 &c. ; he having kept a regular journal to that effect. This calendar of 
 offences gave him a great superiority over his fellows. 
 
 ^ Hanged. ' Transported. " Floggings. 
 
 s A receiver of stolen goods. 
 
 s To the Provincials, this phrase may operate rather as a sort of para- 
 dox — as houses and persons, in general, are robbed not "at home," but 
 when the parties are abroad. But more of this anou, as it most certainly 
 forms a very prominent feature of Life in London. 
 
40 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 at times, plays off her freaks upon the half-famished bone- 
 rakers and cinder-sifters round the dusthill, that we may be 
 found, en ^passant, so identified with the scene in question, as 
 almost to form a part of the group. May thou also, Bob and 
 George, grapple mth Hogarthian energy in displaying tout h la 
 mode the subUme and Jlnished part of the creation, whether 
 screwed up to a semi-tone of art, or in nobly delineating what 
 must always be a welcome visitor at every residence, and like- 
 wise an admired portrait over all the chimney-pieces in the 
 kingdom, a perfect gentleman. But, before I dismiss thee 
 to thy studies, bear it in remembrance, " nothing to extenuate 
 or set down aught in malice ;" yet be tremblingly alive to the 
 shrug of the fastidious critic, who might, in his sneer, remark, 
 that caricature wou.ld be as much out of time and place in 
 holding up to ridicule the interior of the religious good man's 
 closet as it is animatedly required in giving all the rusticity 
 and fun incident to the humours of a country fair. 
 
 And, thou, Boxiana! my dearest friend and well-Avisher, 
 thou beloved companion of all my hours, thou " note-book " 
 of my MIND, and " pen and ink remembrancer " of my passing 
 scenes, whether in splendid palaces, lost in admiration over 
 the fascinating works of art, or in diving into the humble 
 cellar, passing an hour with some of mankind's worthiest 
 children, poor, but contented and happy, — ^be thou my guide 
 and assistant ! Do not desert me, neither at peep o' day, 
 when drowsy watchmen quit their posts, and coffee-shops vomit 
 forth their snoozing customers — those outcasts of society to 
 whom a table is a luxury to rest their thoughtless heads upon, 
 and whose 
 
 Dry desert of a leathern pocket does not contain 
 
 A solitary farthing ! 
 
 Be also at my elbow, upon the stmt in Hyde-park, on Sunday's 
 
"AN INVOCA TION. " 41 
 
 stare, when Sol's bright rays over Fashion's splendid scene 
 gives such a brilliancy of apipearance. And be thou near to 
 me, should midnight Covent-Garden rows claim my attention, 
 when noisy rattles collect together the dissipated ramblers 
 touched with the potent juice of Bacchus, and entangled with 
 hoarse Cyprians in the last stage of existence, till dragged to 
 the watch-house, where the black hole gives a limit to their 
 depravity of exclamation. In this respect, BoxiANA, let thine 
 ear be as nice as Spagnioletti's ; anxious, like this great 
 master of the Cremona, to give all the force and beauty of 
 composition, but carefully to avoid a note being out of tune.^ 
 Then, for once, let me entreat of you, in soliciting your 
 assistance, that you will take off the gloves, quit the prize ring, 
 put down thy steainer,"^ and for awhile dispense with thy 
 DAFi-Yj^ but, above all, steer clear from the slang,^ except, 
 indeed, where the instances decidedly call it forth, in order to 
 j)roduce an effect, and emphasis of character. Then, fare thee 
 well! 
 
 Yet, if to the shrine of one unrivalled genius more than 
 another I lastly pay my court, having felt so great an awe 
 Avhen first admitted into thy presence,^ it is from the re- 
 
 ' It is said of this admiied leader of the band at the Opera-House, 
 that, during his priyate rehearsals at his own residence, lest any of the 
 itinerant street musicians should arrest his attention for a single instant 
 with their music in passing his door, he immediately puts aside his violin, 
 in order to avoid any incorrect sound operating upon his ear, so scrupu- 
 lously does Mr SpagnioUetti adhere to a. highly cultivated, as well as a, 
 most finished taste. 
 
 ^ Pipe. ' By the vulgar called gin. 
 
 * This is certainly good and correct advice, but, perhaps the metaphor 
 might have proved rather more illustrative, if the old adage had been 
 quoted, that, " when at Rome do as Rome does ? " 
 
 ^ It cannot be a matter of surprise that an obscure individual like 
 
42 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 collection, SHEEroAN, of those great talents which once not 
 only " sd tlie table in a roar " from the splendid pavilion to the 
 thatched cot, in both of which thou hadst no equal in relating 
 an anecdote, for lively sallies of wit, bonnes bouches, and quick- 
 ness of repartee ; but also from the remembrance that thy 
 ELOQUENCE has even astounded the eloquent with thy matchless, 
 inexhaustible powers in that great House, where such another 
 body of comprehensive and active intellect is not to be met 
 with in the whole range of Europe. If pathos was thy forte, 
 not a dry eye ever listened to thee, but the tears of sensibility 
 trickled down the cheeks of all that enrapturedly heard thy 
 penetrating tale. Human Nature could not resist thy most 
 powerful appeals ; and even the haughty, callous, and phleg- 
 matic, only found relief in these involuntary sympathies. 
 Satire, too, in thy hands was of so piercing a description, that 
 the most cold-hearted and high-born subjects instantly became 
 warm and angry at the keenness of its application, independent 
 of the laughter, ridicule, and contempt it never failed to pro- 
 duce. But when the services of thy country roused thee into 
 action, thou wert great indeed. Every thing else was for- 
 gotten. Thine oratory was like a mighty flood that swept all 
 kind of masses in opposition to it, big and little, into one 
 
 myself should have felt an awe upon such an occasion, when it may be 
 recollected that Monsieur Tallien, who had rendered himself so conspi- 
 cuous in the National ConTention, by flourishing a dagger (similar to the 
 conduct of the Sublime and Beautiful in the House of Commons) when he 
 denounced Robespierre, upon his being introduced to the late Mr Sheridan, 
 was so embarrassed, nay, he felt so much confused, that for a short time 
 his powers of articulation seemed almost suspended. Upon his recovery. 
 Monsieur Tallien declared, it was under the impression of Sheridan's 
 great talents that he was quite overwhelmed. This circumstance must 
 be viewed as a fine compliment to the English orator, when it is well 
 known that TaUien was looked up to as being one of the most accom- 
 plished gentlemen and scholars in Paris. 
 
"AN IN roc A TION" 43 
 
 vortex ] thyself outliving the storm like a real senator and a 
 true patriot. But, respecting "Life in London," Sheeidan,^ 
 nationally, much lamented shade, thou wert a painter indeed ! 
 either in the efforts of thy eloquence, or the exertions of thy 
 pen, thy productions evinced the hands of a master. Who 
 could depict the light and shade of the company of princes 
 and their bon vivant companions like thee ? And alike, whom 
 portray the poorest Irish hay-maker in the Metropolis that 
 sought his twopenny resting-place from the fatigues of his 
 sun-burnt occupation; and also the wretched outcast, com- 
 pelled to pass his nights upon the step of a door ; both being 
 objects not unworthy of thy inquiry. Thy feeling heart was 
 accessible to all mankind — thy mind was as enlarged and as 
 capacious as the boundless ocean ; and be it engraven upon the 
 memories of all thy admirers, that neither pride nor arrogance 
 ever for a single instant disgraced thy manly composition. 
 Thou wert a man at all times, whether viewed at dashing 
 
 ^ Whcu to stand a fourth tottle no longer I'm able 
 
 (Excuse a fond tear, for the thought makes me sad), 
 May jolly dogs point to me under the table, 
 
 And say, with a sigh, " That 's Tom Sheridan's dad." 
 
 When in life's latest scene, from theatrical duties, 
 
 Unequal to Green-room cabals, I retire. 
 All the notice I crave, from wits, critics, and beauties. 
 
 Is, " He's gone, poor old fellow, Tom Sheridan's sire." 
 
 When reason uo more shall be answer'd with raillery. 
 No " laugh" spiinkled speeches by Quid-nuncs be read ; 
 
 After some long debate, may they say in the Gallery, 
 " Ah ! what would Tom Sheridan's Father have said ? " 
 
 When no more I shall try, with vexation tho' bursting, 
 
 To carry the day with a forced ha ! ha ! ha ! 
 May the green-coated Orator gaze at the hustings. 
 
 And smile when he thinks of Tom Slierry's Papa. 
 
44 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 routes, surrounded by the most accomplished beauties, or caugld 
 upon the sly, peeping at midnight revels in the precincts^ of 
 Covent-Garden. Thy refinement and gallantry was as con- 
 spicuous at the one as thy knowledge of life and appropriate 
 behaviour was admired at the other. The greeiv-room looked 
 up to thee for original characters ; and the great and little 
 world, with acclamations, united with the energies of the 
 grateful press, in loudly promulgating thy inimitable por- 
 traiture of fashionable life. S^jlendour and distress have both 
 been allied to thy name : thou hast not been elevated by the 
 dazzUng rays of the former, nor sunk in despair when oppressed 
 by the latter ; although cruel, unfeeling Fortune jilted thee 
 in thy last moments. Thy talents were never bartered,^ 
 neither did they ever desert thee ; and thy love of indepen- 
 dence never ceased to animate thy frame while one vital spark 
 of life remained in thy great soul. Thy pen has often j)ro- 
 cured thee a dinner, when no other source offered itself; and 
 might, if only attended to, have produced a splendid fortune. 
 But Fame, in handing down her records of great men to 
 posterity, will never slumber over the merits of the patriot, 
 uniting the man of genius with the gentleman and the scholar. 
 
 ^ Mrs (but familiarly termed Mother) Butler's. Ask any of the gen- 
 tlemen connected with the public press to describe, " if it live in their 
 memories," only a, few of the frequenters of that back-parlour so often 
 crammed full of talent, scholars, and cJi.oice spirits. 
 ^ Can such things be, and overcome us 
 Like a summer's cloud, without our special wonder ? 
 Yet such was the fact, that the last act of feeling and kindness ad- 
 ministered to this great character was from the hands of a sherifTs 
 officer ; and to his honour be it spoken, although it was intimated to him 
 that he would be fixed with the debt and costs, this humane officer 
 refused to remove Mr Sheridan from his residence to the security of a 
 lock-up house, when he was informed that such removal might be the 
 immediate cause of that gi-eat man's death. 
 
"AN INVOCA TION." 45 
 
 To thee, departed great genius, if it be possible, let me, how- 
 ever far behind I may be placed in distance, yet most humbly 
 endeavour to aim at treading in thy steps, when crossing those 
 paths where another Lady Teazle and a Charles Surface 
 animate the Beau Monde ; but to avoid the buz of surrounding 
 scandal ; and also to shun such an associate as a Snake I 
 
 The metropolis is now before me : PoussiN never had a more 
 luxuriant, variegated, and interesting subject for a landscape ; 
 nor had Sir Joshua Reynolds finer characters for his canvas 
 than what have already had a sitting for their likenesses to 
 embellish Life in London. 
 
 To thee. Fame, my finger-post towards the right road, I 
 once more look up, and if I cannot command success, at least, 
 it shall not be averred that I did not exert myself to deserve it. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 A Camera Obscura View of the Metropolis, with the Light 
 and Shade attached to " seeing Life." 
 
 The youth comes up to town to learn all modern foppery, 
 For London Town, no better place to teach those from the country : 
 He soon finds what is wanting, and like him not sees one in ten, 
 But rol/s into a barber's shop to get a "/cnmuing cut" and then — 
 
 He becomes a prime rolling kiddy O ! 
 
 The girls all admire him, and swear he is quite a tippy O ! 
 
 Old Ballad. 
 
 PEEVENTION, either in days of yore or at the present en- 
 lightened period, has always been considered much 
 better than cure ; and, therefore, safety, at all times, should be 
 the primary object of the traveller. The curious, likewise, in 
 their anxiety to behold delightful prospects or interesting 
 views, ought to be equally careful to prevent the recurrence of 
 accidents. The author, in consequence, has chosen for Ms 
 readers a Camera Obscura View of London, not only from its 
 safety, but because it is so snug, and also possessing the invalu- 
 able advantages of seeing and not being seen. The author of 
 the Devil upon two Sticks, it appears, preferred taking a flight 
 over the houses for his remarks and views of society ; but if I 
 had adopted that mode of travelling, and perchance had fallen 
 to the ground, an hospital might have been the reward of my 
 presumption, and have also become a cripple during the re- 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIFE. 47 
 
 mainder of my existence. Such a misfortune, it is trae, miglit 
 have been deplored, and even pitied, by the lovers of " Imir- 
 Ireadth 'scape adventures J" yet, with aU their compassion, it 
 would have been a great chance, perhaps, if it had not sooner 
 or later have escaped from their lips, that the worst of lores 
 and the most tiresome of all other companions is that of A 
 LITERARY CRIPPLE ! Therefore, from this extreme caution, I 
 hope to be enabled to proceed on my journey without stilts, 
 and also to prove so strong on my legs as to walk over the 
 ground without limping, or to require the need and assistance 
 of anything in the shape of a Crutch. This mil be thought 
 enough. The Camera Obscura is now at work ; the table is 
 covered vrith objects for the amusement of my readers ; and 
 whenever it is necessary to change the scene it is only requisite 
 to pull the string, i.e., to turn over leaf after leaf, and Life in 
 London will be seen without any fear or apprehension of 
 danger either from^re or luater; avoiding also breaking a limb, 
 receiving a hlach eye, losing a pocket-book, and getting into a 
 watch-house ; picking up a Cyprian, and being exposed the next 
 morning before a magistrate for being found disorderly. Like- 
 wise in steering clear of all those innumerable rows and troubles 
 incident or allied to "keeping it up, and loving of fun." It 
 would have been fortunate indeed for poor Jerry and Corin- 
 thian Tom if they had possessed such advantages. But " ex- 
 perience makes fools wise," and as good-natured Hawthorn 
 and laughing ToM are now about to relate their adventures, for 
 the benefit of fire-side heroes and sprightly maidens who may 
 feel a wish to " see Life " without receiving a scratch, it must be 
 considered that the Metropolis is now before them. 
 
 London ! thou comprehensive word, 
 What joy thy streets and squares afford ! 
 And think not thy admirer rallies 
 If he should add thy la'MS and alleys. 
 
48 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Thy INDEPENDENCE let me share 
 
 Though clogged with smoke and foggy air ; 
 
 Though I 'm obliged my doors to make fast ; 
 
 Though I can get no cream for breakfast ; 
 
 Though knaves, within thee, cheat and plunder, 
 
 And fires can scarcely be kept under ; 
 
 And many a rook finds many a pigeon 
 
 In LAW, and physic, and religion. 
 
 Eager to help a thriving trade on, 
 
 And proud and happy to be preyed on ; 
 
 What signify such paltry blots ? 
 
 The glorious sun himself has spots. 
 
 Then it seems only in London are the finishing touches of 
 dmrader to be obtained. To acquire " excellence" in the 
 Metropolis is a circumstance so " devoutly to be wished," that 
 it is the genuine passport throughout all the provinces in Eng- 
 land ; nay more, it is wafted across the briny deep, and this 
 sort of " greatness " is acknowledged, admired, and sought after 
 in all parts of the world. 
 
 London is the looking-glass for talent — it is the faithful 
 emporium of the enterprising, the bold, the timid, and the bash- 
 ful individual, and where all can view themselves at full length, 
 affording innumerable opportunities either to push forward, to 
 retreat, to improve, or to decide. In no other place can 
 FoKTUNE be so successfully wooed as in London ; and in no 
 other place does she distribute her favours with so liberal a 
 hand. 
 
 It is in London too, that, almost at every step, talent wiU 
 be found jostling against talent — and greatness continually 
 meeting with greatness — where ability stares ability fuU in 
 the face — and where learning, however extensive and refined, is 
 opposed by learning equally erudite and classical. Intellect also 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIFE. 49 
 
 meets mth. a formidable opponent in intellect. Independence 
 likewise challenges indejpendence to its post. And where supe- 
 riorily on the one side always operates as a check upon 
 superiority on the other, that self-importance may be humbled, 
 and egotism pulled down and exposed. 
 
 Here I endure no throbs, no twitches 
 
 Of envy at a neighbour's riches, 
 
 But, smiling, from my window, see 
 
 A dozen quite as rich as he : 
 
 Or if I stroll, am sure to meet 
 
 A dozen more in every street. 
 
 Who like tall ships at home appear, 
 
 But dwindle into cock-hoats here. 
 
 None are distinguished, none are rare 
 
 From wealth which hundreds round them share, 
 
 But (neutralised by one another 
 
 Whene'er they think to raise a pother) 
 
 Be they kind-hearted or capricious. 
 
 Vain, prodigal, or avaricious. 
 
 Proud, popular, or what they will, 
 
 Are elbowed by their rivals still. 
 
 In London, blest with competence. 
 With temper, health, and common sense, 
 None need repine or murmur, — nay. 
 All may be happy in their way. 
 E'en the lone dwelling of the poor 
 And suffering are at least obscure; 
 And in obscurity exempt 
 From poverty's worst scourge, contempt. 
 Unmafk'd the poor man seeks his den, 
 Unheeded issues forth again. 
 Wherefore appears he none inquires, 
 Nor why, nor whether he retires ; 
 All that his pride would fain conceal. 
 All that shame blushes to reveal. 
 The petty shifts, the grovelling cares, 
 To which the sons of want are heirs. 
 
so LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Ttose evils which, grievous to be borne, 
 Call forth — not sympathy, but scorn, 
 Here Mdd'n, elude the searching eye 
 Of callous Curiosity ! 
 
 In order to give weight to these remarks, let us state, that 
 it was the opinion of Dr Johnson, " that in London a man 
 stored his mind better than anywhere else ; and that in re- 
 mote situations a man's body might be feasted, but his mind 
 was starved and his FACULTIES apt to degenerate from want of 
 exercise and competition." " No place," he said, " cured a man's 
 vanity or arrogance so well as London ; for as no man was 
 either great or good per se, but as compared with others not 
 so good or great, he was sure to find in the Metropolis many 
 his equals and some his superiors." 
 
 Such London is, by taste and wealth proolaim'd 
 The fairest capital of all the world, 
 By riot and incontinence the worst. 
 
 The EXTREMES, in every point of view, are daily to be met 
 with in the Metropolis; from the most rigid, persevering, 
 never-tiring industry, down to laziness, which, in its conse- 
 quences, frequently operates far worse than idleness. The 
 greatest love of and contempt for money are equally con- 
 spicuous ; and in no place are pleasure and business so much 
 united as in London. The highest veneration for and prac- 
 tice of religion distinguishes the Metropolis, contrasted ■>vith 
 the most horrid commission of crimes : and the experience of 
 the oldest inhabitant scarcely renders him safe against the 
 specious plans and artifices continually laid to entrap the most 
 vigilant. The next-door neighbour of a man in London is 
 generally as great a stranger to him, as if he lived at the 
 distance of York. And it is in the Metropolis that prostitution 
 is so profitable a business, and conducted so openly, that 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIPE. 5^ 
 
 hundreds of persons keep houses of ill-fame, for the reception 
 of girls not more than twelve and thirteen years of age, without 
 a blush upon their cheeks, and mix with society heedless of 
 stigma or reproach ; yet honour, integrity, and independence 
 of soul, that nothing can remove from its basis, are to be 
 found in every street in London. Hundreds of persons are 
 always going to bed in the morning, besotted with dissipation 
 and gaming, while thousands of his Majesty's liege subjects 
 are quitting their pillows to pursue their useful occupations. 
 The most bare-faced villains, swindlers, and thieves, walk 
 about the streets in the day-time, committing their various 
 depredations, with as much confidence as men of unblemished 
 reputation and honesty. In short, the most vicious and aban- 
 doned wretches, who are lost to every friendly tie that binds 
 man to man, are to be found in swarms in the Metropolis ; 
 and so depraved are they in principle, as to be considered, 
 from their uncalled-for outrages upon the inhabitants, a wasta 
 of vjicJcedness, operating as a complete terror, in spite of the 
 activity of the police. Yet, notwithstanding tliis dark and 
 melancholy part of the picture, there are some of the worthiest, 
 most tender-hearted, liberal minds, and charitable dispositions, 
 which ornament London, and render it the delight and happi- 
 ness of society. 
 
 Indeed, the Metropolis is a complete CYCLOPEDIA, where 
 every man of the most religious or moral habits, attached to 
 anysect, may find something to please his palate, regulate his 
 taste, suit his pocket, enlarge his mind, and make him happy 
 and comfortable. If places of worship give any sort of char- 
 acter to the goodness of the Metropolis, between four and five 
 hundred are opened for religious purposes on Sundays. In 
 fact, every SQUAKE in the Metropolis is a sort of map ^^^ 
 worthy of ezploring, if riches and titles operate as a source 
 
52 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 of curiosity to the visitor. There is not a street also in London, 
 but what may be compared to a large or small volume of 
 intelligence, abounding with anecdote, incident, and peculiari- 
 ties. A cmirt or alley must be obscure indeed, if it does not 
 afford some remarks ; and even the ^owesi cellar contains some 
 trait or other, in unison with the manners and feelings of this 
 great citj'-, that may be put down in the note-book, and 
 reviewed, at an after period, with much pleasure and satis- 
 faction. 
 
 Then, the grand object of this work is an attempt to portray 
 what is termed " seeing Life " in all its various bearings upon 
 society, from the higli^mettlecL Corinthian of St James's, 
 swaddled in luxury, doivn to the needy FLTJE-FAKER of Wap- 
 ping, horn witlwut a shirt, and not a hit of scran ^ in his cup to 
 allay his piteous cravings. 
 
 " Life in London " is the sport in view, and provided the 
 clmse is turned to a good account, " seeing lAfc " wUl be found 
 to have its advantages ; and, upon this calculation, whether 
 an evening is spent over a bottle of champagne at Lmg's, or in 
 taking a " tJdrd of a daffy " ^ at Tom Belcher's, if the mind does 
 not decide it harren, then the purposes are gained. Equally 
 so, in waltzing with the angelics at my Lady Fubb's assembly, 
 at Almack's, or spmiing a toe at Mrs Snooks'S hop ai St Kit's, 
 among the pretty straiv damsels and dashing chippers, if a 
 knowledge of " Life," an acquaintance with character, and the 
 importance of comparison, are the ultimate results. 
 
 If once to Almack's youtelong, 
 Like MoNAKCHS you can do no wrong ; 
 But banished thence, on Wednesday night, 
 By Jove, you can do nothing right. 
 
 ' Food. - Third part of a quartern of gin. 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIFE. S3 
 
 I hear (perhaps the story false is), 
 From Almach's, that he never waltzes 
 With Lady Anne, or Lady Biddy, 
 Tviirlivg till he's in love, or giddy, 
 The girl a pigmy, he a giant, 
 Eis cravat stiff, her corset pliant. 
 There, while some jaded couple stops. 
 The rest go round like humming-tops, 
 Each in the circle with its neighbour, 
 Sharing alternate rest and labour : 
 While many a gentle chaperon 
 (As the fair Dervises spin on) 
 Sighs with regret, that she was courted 
 Ere this new fashion was imported, 
 Ere the dull minuet-step had vanished. 
 With jigs and country-capers banished. 
 
 But Charles, whose energy relaxes. 
 No more revolves upon his axis. 
 At sounds of cymbal and o£ drum 
 Deep clanging, from th' orchestra come. 
 And round hira moves, in radiance bright, 
 Some beauteous beaming satellite ; 
 Nor ventures, as the night advances. 
 On a new partner in French dances ; 
 Nor, his high destiny fulfilling 
 Through all the mazes of guadrillitiff. 
 Holds, lest the figure should be hard. 
 Close to his nose a printed card. 
 Which, for their special use invented. 
 To Beaux, on entrance, is presented ; 
 A strange device, one must allow. 
 But useful — as it tells them how' 
 
 1 Who would not be a gentleman for the comforts attendant upon such 
 a, situation? If a rich man is not a sensible, interesting, and polite 
 character, with whom does the fault rest ? Himself ! Every thing to ren- 
 der him complete in life is within his reach. Dress, to give him the cut of 
 an Adonis, is not only made for him, but he has a valet to decorate his 
 
54 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 To foot it in the proper places 
 
 Much better than their partners' faces. 
 
 Mark, how the married and the single 
 In yon gay groups delighted mingle ! ' 
 'Midst diamonds blazing, tapers beaming, 
 'Midst Georges, stars, and crosses gleaming, 
 We gaze on beauty, catch the sound 
 Of music, and of mirth around ; 
 And DisooKD feels her empire ended 
 At Almaok's — or at least suspended. 
 
 A blow out may likewise be found as savory and as high 
 scented at Mother O'Shaughnessy's, in the lack settlements of 
 the Moly Land, by the hungry cut-away Paddy Mulroony, as 
 the Mulligatawny soup may be swallowed with peculiar goUt by 
 one of the fastidious, squeamish, screwed-up descendants of 
 the Ogelby train at GrDlion's hotel. A morning at Tatter- 
 SAl's, among the top-of-the-tree heroes in society, legs and 
 levanters; or an- hour en passant at Smithfield, on a Friday 
 
 exterior ; and an address, & la Cliesterfield, is also chalked out for him, to 
 leave the canaille at an immeasurable distance. Indeed, that anytliing 
 like trouble might not be too much for him, the choice of a wife even is 
 left to some obliging friend. All his business transactions are done by 
 attorney. Thblwall, for a trifie, can teach him to pronounce hard words 
 without difficulty ; and his duties as a Member of Parliament are summed 
 up in those decisive little words Ate and No, which operate in importance 
 a thousand times more than the eloquent volume speeches of Phillips on 
 Crim. Con. For an opinion, long or short, upon any subject, not the 
 slightest study is requisite, — thanks to upwards of sixty Newspapers 
 published weekly, eighty-four Magazines, Reviews, &c., monthly, besides 
 myriads of minor publications in London ; so that a gentleman has only 
 to name a, particular work, and the thing is disposed of instanter. 
 Therefore, ia the Metropolis, a monied inan has nothing else left to wish 
 for, except— a NEYEE-OEAsmo esistenoe! to avoid the fatality of the 
 StruduXburglis, and to realise, at all periods, the bloom and vigour of 
 health of twenty-seven years of age. 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIFE. 55 
 
 afternoon, among "I's Yorkshire" and the copers, may also 
 have its effect. 
 
 Mubling against the Corinthians in the circle of Hyde 
 Park on Sundays, and breathing the air of nohUity, contrasted 
 with the aping, behind-the-counter, soi-disant gentry, supported 
 by their helegant tender creatures, decked out in all the made- 
 up paraphernalia of Cranbourne Alley ; and carrying the con- 
 trast still further, of the various modes of disposing of time, 
 practised by the rude unsophisticated residents in the purlieus 
 of St Giles's, down to the vulgar inmates of St Catherine's, 
 Wapping, — ^if, duly appreciated, the tout ensemble is one of the 
 finest pictures of " Life in Lonbon ! " 
 
 Avast / Achilles, Grecian famed. 
 And fiery Hector, Trojan named ; 
 Avast ! your Philips, Alexanders, 
 Your Cajsars too, war's Salamanders ; 
 And eke gave way, Imperial Nap, 
 For thou aliJce didst doff the cap 
 To Neptune's darling son of war, 
 I mean Jack Junk, the British tar. 
 
 Woman ! the sailor's darling care, 
 For Jack would die to serve the fair ; 
 And though he yields to Cyprian bands, 
 A girl distressed no less commands 
 The sailor's purse, his maxim true, 
 That Love keeps Pity's shrine in view. 
 And thus the matter argufies — 
 " I 've rhino plenty, bless my eyes ! 
 " But Hat 's the good of this here cash 3 
 " On board I cannot make a splash ; 
 " Give me the girls ashore, and prog, 
 " The elbow-scraper, flip, and grog ; 
 " 'Tis then I shows I 've got some spunk, 
 " I' faith it 's true — for I 'm Jack Jume." 
 
5<5 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Onward he goes, with rolling stride, 
 
 In hopes he may not be denied 
 
 The liberty on shore to go, 
 
 A welcome — yes — wakes Pleasure's glow ; 
 
 Then rubbing hands, cries — " Here 's sea-room, 
 
 " Now safe ashore I 'U top my boom." 
 
 The cruize commences, off they veer. 
 
 For fiddlers, prog, and girls they steer. 
 
 Bet Stride her ruby colour shows ; 
 
 Scdl Walker shows her bowsprit nose ; 
 
 Nan Brag her bulky breeching rears. 
 
 Poll Sherwin shows the bottle's tears ; 
 
 And last, far famed iovjisty prize, 
 
 Moll Chauntress view, with bung'd up eyes. 
 
 No ceremonies here can nip 
 
 The pastimes found in Pleasure's ship ; 
 
 A dance becomes the gen'ral cry. 
 
 All hands agreed, for no one's shy; 
 
 The call is bitters now and gin. 
 
 While fiddlers twain increase the diu. 
 
 The dance begins, they foot it neat. 
 
 And Jack believes 'tis heav'n's own seat. 
 
 Of Junk the choice you fain would know. 
 
 Who makes these lines heroic flow ? 
 
 Yes, she that could some ruby boast. 
 
 Of eveiy tar the standing toast : 
 
 'Twas sterling Moll, who with each glim 
 
 Bung'd up excited Jack Junk's whim ; 
 
 Long known to brave all stormy weather. 
 
 Her tail ne'er showing one white feather. 
 
 Such was the choice of fighting Jack, 
 
 Who loved no sniv'lers at his back. 
 
 But bred to warfare, lived for fight, 
 
 And spent YEARS' EAENINGS IN A NIGHT ! 
 
 They dance till limbs no more can move. 
 
 Then, half-seas over, talk of love ; 
 
 Aloud they chaunt, " God save the King," 
 
 And " Kule Britannia " boisterous sing ; 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIFE. 57 
 
 Of " Cease rude Boreas " verses try, 
 Kecalling scenes that raise the sigh ; 
 For tars, though thoughtless now and then, 
 Can ihinh and fed like polish'd men. 
 Here ends the scene — the sand is run — 
 Of Jack is spent a prime day's fun. 
 
 Paying a visit to the Fiws Court, to view the Nonpareil 
 and Turner exhibit, or in taking a turn in the evening, to 
 listen to Coleridge, Fuseli, Flaxman, and Soane, if the mind 
 make a hit, and some striking impressions are implanted upon 
 the memory, then the advantages resulting from the varieties 
 of " Life " must here again be acknowledged. 
 
 The Italian Opera (this luxurious wardrobe of the great, 
 this jeweller's shop of the nation, this scent sni perfume reposi- 
 tory of the world, and Arabian Nights' spectacle of For- 
 tunatus's cap) is one of the most brilliant collection of portraits 
 of Life in London. It possesses such fascinations, and the 
 spell is so powerful, that to be " seen there " is quite enough, 
 the performances being mere dumb sJww to most of its visitors ; 
 and however the languishing " die away " strains of Ambrog- 
 hetti's Bon Giovanni may almost cause an earthquake in the 
 ear of the tasteful critic, and call forth " Bravo ! " 
 
 Vivan le femine. 
 Viva il buon vino, 
 Sostegno e gloria, 
 D'umanitii. 
 
 AtTO II. SCENA 14. 
 
 yet, how strange it is that the Italian Opera, to the great 
 majority of John Bull's descendants, is positively worse than 
 physic, and who prefer being almost squeezed to suffocation, 
 amidst clouds of tobacco, the fumes of porter, and the strong 
 smell of Beady's Fluid, at a Free and Easy Club, to hear Tom 
 
58 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Owen's " Rvm Ould Mog," and, from the richness of its slang, 
 pronounce it "fine!" Such is the diversity of Life in 
 London. 
 
 Bum Ould Moq was a leary flash Mot,' and she was round and fat, 
 
 With, twangs in her shoes, a wheel-barrow too, and an oil-skin round her 
 hat, 
 
 A blue bird's-eye deck'd her dairy ^ fine, as she mizzltA through Temple- 
 bar, 
 
 Of vhich side of the yay, I cannot tell, but she loiid ^ it from a Tar ! 
 Singing — Fol-lol-lol, de rol-lol-lol, de rol-lol-lol de lido ! 
 
 Again, while many prefer attending to hear the elevated 
 judgments delivered by the LoRD Chancellor ; others listen- 
 ing to the wit and eloquence of Canning, and to the solid 
 oratory and comprehensive mind of Brougham; thousands 
 in the Metropolis are to be seen setting at defiance wind, 
 weather, and even property, enjoying beyond description the 
 humour and antics of Caleb Baldwin's Ml upon Tothil 
 Downs. 
 
 It should seem, then, that taste is everything in " this here 
 life ! " but it is also observed to be of so meretricious a nature 
 to its admirers, that it is as perplexing to fix a decisive hold 
 upon " good taste," as to take into custody the " wUl-o'-the- 
 wisp," that plays such whimsical tricks with the benighted 
 traveller : and, perhaps, after all our researches and anxiety 
 to obtain this desideratum of character, it matters but little to 
 the mass of society in London, whether the relish for this 
 chamelion sort of article is obtained over a quartern of three 
 outs of Hodge's full froof, to complete a bargain of " lively 
 soles " at Billingsgate, before peep of day, by Poll Fry, so that 
 happiness is the result ; or, whether it is realised with all 
 
 1 A knowing Cyprian. " Bosom. ' Stole. 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIFE. 59 
 
 qualities of a barometer by Mr Hazlitt, in the evening lolling 
 at his ease upon one of Bm Medleifs ^ elegant couches, enjoy- 
 ing the reviving comforts of a good tinney,^ smacking his 
 chaffer ^ over a glass of old hock, and topping his glim * to a 
 classic nicety, in order to throw a new light upon the elegant 
 leaves of Eoscoe's " Life of Lorenzo de Medici," as a composition 
 for a NEW LECTURE at the Surrey Institution. This is also 
 Life in London. 
 
 A peep at Bow Street Office — a stroll through Westminster 
 Abbey — a lounge at the Eoyal Academy — an hour passed with 
 the Eccentrics — a strut through the lobbies of the Theatres, 
 and a trot on Sundays in Eotten Eow, in calculation, have aU 
 turned to good account. Even, if out of wind, and compelled 
 to make a stand still ^ over the Elgin marbles at the British 
 Museum, it wiU be found the time has not been misappUed. 
 
 1 A well-known hero in the Sporting World, from his determined con- 
 test with the late pugilistic phenomenon, Dutch Sam. Distinguished also 
 as a good judge in trotting matches, and, at one period of his life, for having 
 one of the fastest trotting horses in the kingdom ; likewise in making 
 stylish couches for the easy moments of the Fancy ; this part of society 
 always making it a decided point, when any opportunity offers in trade, to 
 give each other a turn, — i.e., anxious to promote the interest of each other. 
 However, if Mr Hazlitt is not viewed as an admirer of " The Fancy," it 
 will not be denied that few gentlemen have had more to do with the 
 " imagination " than Mr H. 
 
 2 Fire. ^ The tongue. ^ A candle. 
 
 ^ Poor Jeeey's rustic simplicity must be excused in making a stand 
 still over those hieroglyphics, when it is well known that several distin- 
 guished scholars of university pedigree have been dead heat as to giving 
 anything like an accurate explanation of those precious relics of antiquity. 
 The pious, liberal, and enlightened Dr Adam Clarke, of the Wesleyan 
 comiexion of Methodists, it is said, has displayed the greatest talents 
 towards illuminating this Juxrd subject. 
 
6o LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Washing the ivonj mth a prime screw ^ under the spite ^ in 
 Saint George's Fields, or in tossing off, on the sly, some ia'pe, ' 
 with a 'pal undergoing a three, months' jireparation * to come out 
 as a new member of society, is a scene that develops a great 
 deal of the human heart. 
 
 THOU ! whatever title is most dear. 
 
 Among the many that salute thine ear, 
 
 Join with thy brothers, Jack, with the dear friends, 
 
 Whose fed applause thy wit and wine commends. 
 
 My dearest Jack, with that same mawkish wench. 
 
 Jocko at LOKGS, and Captain in the bench ! 
 
 Now let us analyse, but not too loud, 
 If wise — the composition of this crowd. 
 Made up from native soil and foreign clime. 
 Of waste, o£ folly, accident, and crime, 
 Here join the speculator and the fool, 
 Gray-beards and youngsters rather fit for school 
 (At least, for any school but this alone. 
 Where college vices in the shade are thrown). 
 Of pugihsts, of haberdashers, jugglers. 
 Horse-jockeys, swindlers, Bond-street beaux, and smugglers ; 
 By hoUow friendship some in prison thrown, 
 By others' follies some, more by their own. 
 Here struts another, who his tradesmen's dues 
 Disburses to the inmates of the stews ; 
 That lavishes a decent household's cost 
 In wassail 'mid his low retainers lost, 
 'Mid slaves, whose fawning pays him for his meat. 
 Who mock the vanity that lets them cat, 
 
 ^ A turnkey. 
 
 ^ Belonging to the King's Bench, formerly called Ellenborough's 
 teeth ; but now Abbott's. 
 
 ' Gin. But spirituous liquors not being admitted into any prison, they 
 are disguised under various appellations. 
 
 * Whitewashing ; but this old phrase is now nearly obsolete. 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIFE. 6 r 
 
 Here ruin'd lawyers ruin'd clients meet ; 
 
 Here doctors their consumptive patients greet, 
 
 Sick of one malady that mocks all skill, 
 
 Without the true specific golden pill. 
 
 Here finish' d tailors, never to be paid. 
 
 Turn eyes on many a coat themselves have made ; 
 
 And bailiffs, caught by their own arts at last. 
 
 Meet those their capias yesterday made fast. 
 
 There walks a youth, whose father, for reform. 
 
 Has shut him up where countless vices swarm : 
 
 But little is that parent skill'd to trace 
 
 The springs of action, — little knows the place, 
 
 Who sends an ailing mind to where disease 
 
 Its inmost citadel of health may seize. 
 
 Faint are the calls of decency, when broad 
 
 And naked Vice can show her front unawed ; 
 
 Where bold and bad examples lead the way. 
 
 And every hour facilities betray : 
 
 Oh, never yet was youth's unstrengthen'd mind 
 
 Made PURE hy herding idth tlie baser hind I 
 
 Again, hundreds of individuals in the MetroiDolis think it 
 no loss of time, and feel as much interest in matching their 
 tyhes at Jem Kolfe's amphitheatre for a quid or two, or in 
 drawing the badger at Harlequin Billy's menagerie, and 
 boasting of the goodness and breed of their dogs, as my Lord 
 Care-fok-Nothing does in relating the pedigree of his high- 
 mettled cattle, and talking Avith the toiders and jockeys at 
 Newmarket ; 
 
 In Black-boy Alley I 've a hen, 
 
 A tyhe and a fighting-cock, 
 A saucy, tip-slang, moon-eyed HElf, 
 
 Who oft mills DoU at block. 
 
 While the entire happiness of others, it should seem, consists 
 in diving night after night into the Cellar ^ to hear a good 
 
 ^ Spring Gardens. 
 
62 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 cliaunt ; although emitting volumes of smoke like a furnace, and 
 crowded together like the Black Hole in Calcutta, yet no in- 
 convenience appears to be felt (and who, like their betters at 
 routes, prefer rooms crowded to suffocation, than to experience 
 what is termed ennui, arising from ease and comfort) ; and 
 many of the singers, who from their '^ good fellow" traits have 
 brought themselves into the last stage of a consumption, acting 
 up to an old saying — " a short life and a merry one ! " and 
 throwing off, with the utmost sang-froid, that 
 
 Bright glory 's a trifle, and so is ambition, 
 
 I hate a proud heart and a lofty condition : 
 
 Let princes reign over us with insolent disdain ; 
 
 Oh, give to me, or send to me, my bottle and my friend, 
 In a little snug room, so neat and so trim, 
 Oh, there -will I enjoy my bottle and my friend. 
 
 There are also numbers of iudividuals in London who feel 
 as much (indeed more) interest in the election of a Most Nolle 
 Grand to the chair, than a return of a member to Parlia- 
 ment ; and whose whole evenings are continually occupied in 
 toddling, as it is termed, from one lodge to another, in paying 
 a wisit, and drinking the health of brother Wice at the ODD 
 Fellows. 
 
 It may also be witnessed, that if the Odd Fellows in 
 higher life are not toddling from one house to another, exactly 
 upon the same sort of pursuit, it might be said, their precious 
 time is equally disposed of to as good an account in driving from 
 rout to rout, putting ia " an appearance," giving a 7wd, and 
 then rapidly making their exit. 
 
 We see in splendid drawing-rooms the GEEiT 
 Squeeze in and then squeeze out again in state ! 
 As far removed from comfort as from mirth. 
 The dullest, hottest, COLDEST beings on earth. 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIFE. 6;^ 
 
 Lefe in London affords such a great variety of examples, 
 and Tww to get a " bit of bread " honestly, that whatever wonder 
 it may excite in the provinces, it is quite a routine matter-of- 
 fact in the MetropoHs, that numerous persons, who are obscured 
 in their beds the whole of the day, actually get their living in 
 " Hell " 1 in the course of the night : — 
 
 From Autumn to Winter, from Winter to June, 
 'Shsjiat and the sharp must still play the same tune. 
 What confusion of titles and persons we see 
 Amongst gamesters, who spring out of ev'ry degree ; 
 From the Pkinoe to the pauper all panting for play. 
 Their fortune, their time, and their life pass away : 
 Just as mingled are Pigeons ; for 'tis no rebuke 
 For a Greek to pluck all, from a groom to a diike. 
 
 From the many tricks and fancies the inhabitants of this 
 great Metropolis are subject to, it seems some poet has 
 humorously described London as "the Devil 1" The con- 
 trasts are so fine and delightful — so marked with light 
 and shade — and, upon the whole, offer such an extensive 
 volume of intelligence, that the peruser must be ignorant 
 indeed if something of importance does not fasten upon his 
 . mind, and which may, at some future period, be appUed 
 with success. However, it is not from hearing the amateurs 
 cry out, " Bravo ! " and " Encore ! " at the Hanover Square 
 Concert Eooms, that a knowledge of music is to be acquired ; 
 and it is not in witnessing great numbers of society swallow 
 blue ruin like water, at the gin-spinners,^ that the whole of 
 the lower orders in the Metropolis are to be libelled and 
 traduced; neither is it from beholding that description of 
 hons vivants, whose peculiar enjoyment consists in flooring the 
 watchman at midnight, that " seeing Life " can be said to have 
 
 ' A gambling-house. " Wine-vaults. 
 
64 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 its advantages. And it is not because hundreds who have 
 been locked out of their lodgings have praised the facility of a 
 key that admits them Avithout any reproof; nor is it in hailing 
 a fountain where the streams of pleasure are of so accommodat- 
 ing and magical a nature that the hot are ultimately cooled, 
 but more frequently where the cold are soon made too HOT. 
 No. Life in London is intended to show that individuals 
 ought not to be too confident or too precise ; but, above all, 
 it alFords them the opportunity of appreciating the advantages 
 that experience holds forth, not to look down upon their fellow- 
 creatures with contempt ; and also to avoid the following severe 
 satire : — 
 
 But then I 'm told again that grandeur 's sore 
 At owning obligations to the poor : — 
 
 Such favours cut no figure in discourse : 
 She thinks she might as well thank dogs and cats 
 For finding partridges and catching rats ; 
 
 And say " I 'm much obliged t' ye," to a horse. 
 
 Lo, to the great we breathe the sigh in vain ; 
 
 A zephyr murm'ring through the hollow walls ; 
 Our tear that tries to melt their souls, the rain 
 
 That printless on the rock of ages falls. 
 
 Life in London is also to admire the good and to avoid 
 the vicious; but, never to entertain an idea, that, however 
 bad and depraved some individuals may appear to be, they 
 are past any attempt to reclaim them from their evU ways ; 
 and likewise to bear in mind, that " it is never too late to 
 mend." i 
 
 1 On the trial of Oeovge Barringlon, a most celebrated genteel pick- 
 pocket, the Judge, in passing the sentence of the law upon him, a few years 
 since, at the Old Bailey, observed, " that after the abilities displayed on 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIFE. 65 
 
 To get "out into the world," or "seeing Life," is not 
 merely an empty phrase upon every person's tongue, but it 
 is an actual object in view. The father urges its necessity 
 
 that and former days by the prisoner, and the numerous hair-breadth 
 escapes by which his life had been saved, what important advantages 
 they might have proved, if laudably exerted for the benefit of society ; 
 and yet the application of those talents had been perverted to his utter 
 disgrace and the detestation of mankind." To which Barrington, with a 
 deal of pathos, replied, " that, unfortunately for him, it had been admitted 
 he possessed sufficient knowledge to convince him the mode of life he 
 pursued was wrong — ^that he also was not destitute of abilities — yet, alas ! 
 he had never experienced any friendly hand held out to him, whereby 
 George Barrington might have been enabled to regain that situation which 
 he once possessed, but now, so unhappUy was lost ! No cheering asylum * 
 to receive him, where those vicious propensities might soon have been 
 corrected, if not completely eradicated ; and from whence he might have 
 attained a character. In joining society again, he might then have 
 become, as it were a new man ; but, instead of that much-wished-for cir- 
 cumstance, the finger of scorn was pointed at him ; shuimed by the world, 
 so as to preclude all possibility of an impartial intercourse with mankind, 
 and his failings eternally blazoned abroad, — where was his alternative? 
 Compelled to return to that way of life, which might even be disgustful 
 and inimicable to his feelings. Had this not have been the case, he could 
 assure the learned Judge with truth, that the afflicting and unhappy situ- 
 ation of which he was the miserable victim of that day he should never 
 have experienced, in being torn from a beloved partner and innocent off- 
 spring, added to the dreadful recollection, in being transported from his 
 native country, to spend the remainder of his days in bitterness and re- 
 gret." On Barrington's arrival at Botany Bay, he obtained a situation 
 of considerable trust, where his universal good conduct obliterated his 
 former failings, and he lived and died regretted ; portraying a striking 
 example, that, however corrupt and infamous human nature may be at 
 times, no channel should be left unopened, where at least refokmation 
 may be attempted, if not completely effected. 
 
 * The " Refuge for the Destitute " was not established at that period. 
 
66 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 to his son — the uncle talks of its value to his nephew, — 
 and the aunt mentions it to her neice as an object worthy of 
 the highest consideration; and, in short, it is a paramount 
 idea with all persons who have under their care, and who 
 feel anxiously towards the promotion of youth. It is, how- 
 ever, not absolutely necessary to a man's salvation, or as the 
 only road to make his fortune, that he should pay a visit to 
 London, like the Mohammedans, who are compelled to under- 
 take a pilgrimage once in their lives to do homage before the 
 tomb of Mahomet at Mecca; any more than the assertion 
 proves correct, that a man, born in England, who does not visit 
 London, during his existence, dies "a fool." 
 
 It appears, then, that if a complete Geajtoison or a per- 
 fect Joseph Andrews are not to be met with in traversing the 
 gay regions of St James's, nor a Falkland, run against in the 
 upper circles of fashion ; yet, still it is a most instructive path 
 for improvement; and the advantages of the snaviter in 
 modo and the fortiter in re are discovered in the highest 
 perfection. For more wit, higher learning, truer courage, 
 superior accompUshments, better breedrag, nobler souls, more 
 splendid talents, greater liberality of sentiment, dignity of 
 mind, and finer feeling, than adorn the nobility and gentry of 
 the Metropolis of England, cannot be found, if equalled, in 
 any nation of the world. Nor can it be refuted, that, 
 throughout the middling classes of society in London, to the 
 very brink of want and dire necessity, the highest independ- 
 ence of character is displayed. All of these classes are to 
 be explored with the finest results to an inteUigent mind- 
 and while, on the one hand, roars of laughter are excited 
 from the ridicule of surrounding circumstances; yet, on the 
 other, traits of the highest sensibility have been discovered 
 
THE LIGHT AND SHADE OF SEEING LIFE. 67 
 
 and tlie "6i^ tear" rich in effect, seen silently stealing 
 down the iron cheek of some debauchee, who had thought 
 himself immovable upon all appeals to his feelings, yet 
 found to be vulnerable when the secret and irresistible touches 
 of NATURE have suddenly broke in upon hig dissipated 
 pursuits. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 A Short Sketch of the Author 's Talents in taking a Likeness ; or, 
 in other words {and, perhaps, far more ap propriate), aPen- 
 and-Ink Drawing ^Corinthian Tom. 
 
 ' Man may be haj^py if he will ! ' 
 
 I 've said it often, and I think it still : 
 
 Doctrine to make the million stare ! 
 
 IT is not absolutely necessary to introduce our hero with 
 a flourish of drums and trumpets ; neither has it been 
 thought essentially requisite that he should make his en- 
 trance upon the stage under the pompous preparatory air 
 of— 
 
 " See, the conquering hero comes ! " 
 
 yet, perhaps, it might be deemed equally as improjier for 
 him to rush in, from the side wings, abruptly, before the 
 audience, without making some sort of a bow, or, like 
 poor vulcan,'^ drop rudely from the sky before the spectators ; 
 therefore, it may be presumed, that very few persons, if 
 any, will have the temerity to deny the advantages resulting 
 from prepossession or good-breeding; nor attempt to refute 
 
 ^ This may perhaps rather prove an ominous simile. Vulcan, it is said, 
 was thrown by Jupiter over the battlements of heaven ; but let us hope 
 that all " sorts of Life " may be completely at a stand-still, and fun and gig 
 be banished from all ranks of society, before Tom shares such a fate among 
 the CoKlNTHiAKS. But it cannot be. 
 
DRA WING OF CORINTHIAN TOM. 69 
 
 the incalculable benefits attendant on a "good introduc- 
 tion"''- to society in general. Indeed, prepossession, in many 
 instances, has obtained such a strong hold-fast, that it is 
 never totally erased from the mind; and even the recollec- 
 tion of it is frequently re-lighted up at the shrine of de- 
 parted excellence with greater fire than such impression had 
 first created. Then, if effect were my principal object in view, 
 and I were permitted to make a choice of an impressive 
 situation for Corinthian Tom to take his stand, it should 
 be after the manner of Kemble ^ in Coriolanus, at the base 
 of the statue of Mars, in the hall of Tullus Aufidius, his great- 
 est enemy : — 
 
 " Illustrious stranger, for thy high demeanour 
 
 Bespeaks thee such, — who art thou ? what is thy name ? 
 
 Thy face bears a command in't ; 
 
 Thou show'st a nohle vessel." 
 
 Corinthian Tom, it will be ultimately perceived, was not a 
 mere hero on paper; — he was not the refined, substantially 
 correct (imagined being) Sir Charles Grandison, who, it should 
 seem, was almost afraid of a splash of dirt operating against 
 his person, and who also moved through society by rule and 
 measure, and did nothing im-ong. In fact such a character was 
 never met with in real life. Neither was Tom a Lovelace in 
 principle, or a Joseph Andrews from nature. No : he partook 
 
 ^ The Metropolis, after all its great hustle, variety, and attractions, is 
 little more than a mere wilderness to an individual without an " in- 
 troduction'' to good company. In genteel life it is considered as a 
 desideratum, 
 
 ' If it is possible that Cokinthian Tom should fail in proving his claims 
 to the above title as valid, all hands will unite in loud acclamations in 
 admitting the appellation of Coeinthian Jack to be genuine. Even our 
 much-admired finished Tom cannot fill up the chasm left in the theatrical 
 world, by the secession of this great performer from the stage. He was 
 indeed a Corinthian of an actor. 
 
7° LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 more of the qualities oi a, Banger ; and he even possessed some 
 of the loose failings of a Booth. CORINTHIAN TOM was not as 
 invulnerable as a Cato^ nor as sentimental as a RousSEAU ; but 
 he would have kicked a Joseph Surface out of doors. To 
 hypocrisy and cant he was a most determined enemy. The pure 
 love of a Clementina would have overpowered his heart, wHle, 
 on the contrary, ToM might have laughed at, and even quizzed 
 a Miss Byron.'^ Although One of the Fancy, he was not a fancy- 
 man : yet ToM was as much at home in blowing a cloud, listen- 
 ing to a night-row charge at a watch-house, as he proved him- 
 self an adept in all the luxuriant, voluptuous movements when 
 waltzing at Almack's ; yet our hero was no Bandy; ^ neither 
 was Tom viewed as one of the wonders of the world ; but he 
 was denominated an md-and-outer ^ as far as the character of a 
 man went. 
 
 1 Both of these heroines belonged to Richardson at one time ; but, to 
 speak like an artist, they were not both in keeping by him. 
 
 ^ As I sincerely hope that this work will shrink from the touch of n. 
 pastry-cook, and also avoid the foul uses of a trunk-maker, but, on the con- 
 trary, that it may have " Life in London " long, very long after its author 
 shall have been consigned to "that bourne from whence no traveller 
 returns" — I feel induced now to describe, for the beneiit of posterity, the 
 pedigree of a Dandy in 1820. The Danbt was got by Vanity out of 
 Affectation — ^his dam, Petit-Maitre or Maccaroni — his grandam, Frihile — 
 his great-grandam. Bronze — his great-great grandam, Coxcomb — and his 
 earliest ancestor, Fop. His uncle Impudence — his three brothers Tricic, 
 Jlwmhug, and Fudge I and allied to the extensive family of the Shuffietons. 
 Indeed, this Bandbox sort of creature took so much the lead in the walks 
 of fashion, that the Buck was totally missing ; the Blood vanished ; the 
 Tippy not to be found ; the GO' out of date ; the Dash not to be met 
 with ; and the Bang-up without a leader, at fault, and in the background. 
 It was only the CORINTHIAN that remained triumphant— his excellence 
 was of such a genuine quality, that all imitation was left at an im- 
 measurable distance. 
 
 ' A phrase in the sporting world for goodness ; a sort of climacteric— 
 the ne plus ultra. 
 
DRA WING OF CORINTHIAN TOM. 7i 
 
 Tom was an only son, and became possessed of an immense 
 property at the demise of his parent. His father was the 
 architect of his own fortune ; and had amassed together great 
 quantities of wealth. Tom, according to the phrase of the 
 nursery, was termed "a darling;" and while his father lost hours 
 in calculating to a nicety the interest that a farthing might 
 producd if weU laid out, he was perplexing his brains after the 
 newest fashion, or in humming the admired strains of the last 
 new opera ! Tom had been reared completely under the auspices 
 of his Mamma ; and his tender parent's ambition was, that her 
 son, as she expressed it, should be the " finished gentleman ! " 
 — and that his ideas should not be restrained by the dry plod- 
 ding of business, she encouraged as much as possible that he 
 should mix with the upper ranks of society, in order that he 
 might attain the completion of her most anxious project ; and 
 truth obliges as to declare, a readier scholar was never 
 witnessed. Tom required no arguments to persuade or rod to 
 enforce those precepts; as he seemed to feel all that his fond 
 Mamma, wished to inspire. His genius appeared directed to 
 the same source ; and ToM soon gave ample proofs of the rapid 
 improvement he had made in the fashionable sciences. His 
 Mamma just lived long enough to see him enter into the dazz- 
 ling career with all the avidity and thoughtlessness of a youth 
 at nineteen : his father survived his mother but a few years, 
 and at the age of twenty-five ToM found himself in the posses- 
 sion of fine estates, plenty of money, and no one to control his 
 inclinations. And largely did he participate in the pleasures 
 of the great world. With a strong constitution, an ardent im- 
 agination, and full spirits, solicited and soUcitiag, — ToM was 
 the gayest of the gay! Pleasure was his idol — ^novelty his 
 ruling passion — and to gratify this propensity every avenue 
 was traced that led to it. LIFE, in aU its various shapes, he 
 was determined to see ; and whether he was animatedly en- 
 
72 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 gaged in squeezing the hand of some lovely countess at St 
 James's, or passing an hour with a poor costard-monger in the 
 back settlements of St Giles's, Tom was never at fault ! Fas- 
 tidiousness was not in his composition ; and though he had 
 numerous failings — yet he possessed many traits that were of 
 the most pleasing and agreeable nature : Mankind were his 
 hobbyhorse — and however hard at times he rode them, still he 
 kept in view that most liberal and dignified sentiment of one 
 of the most unfortunate, but distinguished poets — 
 
 " A MAN IS A MAN pok a' that ! " 
 
 Tom's time was so incessantly occupied, and his mind so 
 overwhelmed with passing subjects, that reflection was quite 
 out of the question. His decisions were too momentary, and 
 his generosity was as often too much in the extremes, as his 
 errors were multiplied by the instantaneousness of his dis- 
 position. Corinthian Toji was not vicious from principle ; 
 although it might be urged his morals would not bear the 
 strictest investigation of propriety, yet they were to be attributed 
 more, perhaps, to the light and airy dispositions of his " com- 
 panions," than as emanating from himself ! Having no control 
 to contend against, or being in dread of rebuke from dependent 
 relatives, he ranged wherever he pleased, and anything like 
 formality was never suffered to interfere with his pleasures. 
 When tired of his excursions he retired to rest ; and when 
 recovered from the fatigues they might have occasioned, he rose 
 to pursue them with fresh vigour. 
 
 K e'er a pleasant miscliief sprang to view. 
 At once o'er hedge and ditch away he flew. 
 Nor left the game till he had ran it down ! 
 
 Tom's manners were pleasing, and he was possessed of 
 that sort of ingenuous address and intelligent conversation 
 (adaptmg it to the capacities of the various companies in 
 
DRA WING OF CORINTHIAN TOM. 73 
 
 which he intermixed), that he scarcely ever failed in pre- 
 possessing himself strongly in the favour of his hearers. His 
 form, though it might not he compared with that of Adonis, 
 vras nevertheless manly and elegant : fashionable in his 
 apparel, and always well-dressed, his appearance proved at- 
 tractive. Neither was he destitute of what are denominated 
 accomplishments, although some of them were not to be 
 acquired at the Charter House, or the Universities of 
 Oxford and Cambridge ; and, although this may perhaps 
 call forth a sneer from the fastidious, the many " rows " in 
 which Tom had distinguished himself by superior science, in 
 rescuing himself from the rude grasp of the " guardians of the 
 night," forcibly evinced the necessity of his taking those 
 degrees termed h la Belcher/ to prevent himself from being 
 floored by those of a more athletic nature. He was fond of a 
 little sport, and, at times, not very nice in " kicking up a lark " 
 in order to produce it, and " an ugly customer " was frequently 
 the result ; but, to avoid being " milled," it was expedient that 
 he should be able to be on the alert, by giving the Marrow- 
 bone stop, or, if necessary, be " missing " before his antagonist 
 had recovered the use of his pins from the shock. As an 
 amateur in this Old English science, no one used the gloves 
 with greater neatness than did Tqm, and he has often puzzled 
 some of the first-rate professors of the gymnastic art to be 
 able to ward off the activity with which he could put in a one, 
 two ; and it was their opinion that, had ToM entered the ring 
 as a public candidate for boxing fame, he would have proved 
 himself nothing but a good one ! 
 
 In handling the ribbons, and turning the corner of a street 
 with his barouche and four, no mail-coachman, however ex- 
 perienced, could surpass him for the rapidity and neatness 
 with which he executed this most important circumstance in 
 
74 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 the " annals of driving ; " in fact, he was a perfect hero with 
 the whip ; a first-rate Fiddler : 
 
 Prime of Life to " go it I " where 'a the place like London : 
 
 Four-in-hand to-day, to-morrow you may be undone ; 
 
 Where the duke and the 'prentice they dress much the same, 
 
 You cannot tell the difference, excepting by the name ! 
 
 Then push along with four-in-hand, while others drive at random, 
 
 In buggy, gig, or dog-cart, in curricle or tandem : 
 
 and, upon the turf, there were few heroes who were better 
 acquainted with the manoeuvres of the " sweaters and trainers," 
 or was sooner " down " to a cross and jostle, than Corinthian 
 Tom. 
 
 Though not a professed gamester, nor, indeed, addicted to 
 gambUng, or fond of it, still he had mixed among ^professional 
 gentry enough to be " up " to their tricks and fancies, so as 
 not to be made " a pigeon.'' 
 
 However animatedly ToM might have sported his money 
 on the race-course, upon a SmolensTco, or backed the PlienomeTia 
 trotting mare for a large stake ; interested himself upon the 
 fleetness of his greyhounds ; admired and been delighted with 
 the courageous properties of the English bull-dog; felt all 
 aUve when viewing the combats of the prize-ring j extolled tiie 
 staunchness of his pointers, and praised the well hreakmg-in of 
 his spaniels ; or even smiled with indifference at the rolls of 
 soft which his most captivating fancy-piece i drew from him 
 repeatedly ; yet gambling-houses made no impression upon his 
 feelings, as to the object of gain : he rose above this sordid 
 passion, and felt that a real gentleman ought to have higher 
 
 1 A sporting phrase for a " bit of nke qamb," kept in a preserve in the 
 suburbs. A sort of Bikd op Pabadise ! 
 
DRA WING OF CORINTHIAN TOM. 75 
 
 pursuits in view, in which he might wish to excel. It was, 
 however, true that curiosity had induced him to visit them ; 
 in fact, Tom had a great desire to se« everything that gave 
 a new feature to human nature ; hut he soon perceived that 
 by one unlucky throw, even if the thing depended upon a/a?V 
 chance, urged on in a desperate moment, he might have been 
 obscured from the upper circles for ever ! and this made him 
 make up his mind, that, of all the " suits " he might be ruined 
 upon, GAMING should be the last, and, in a slangly sarcastic 
 manner, winding up the sentence, that it is "a good flat that 
 is never down.'" But, as accommodation was Corinthian Tom's 
 motto, in order to dissipate an idle hour, or to steer clear from 
 proving disagreeable to a company who felt inclined for a little 
 amusement by a friendly game, no one joined it with more 
 alacrity than Tom did ; but he went no further. 
 
 Though he was not competent, perhaps, to have been made 
 a Lord Chancellor, or to have been elected as one of the heads 
 of a college, nor had he ability enough to fulfil the situation of a 
 prime minister : yet ToM was not so totally absorbed by pleasure 
 as to be indiiferent to the means by which they acquired that 
 great eminence in society ; nay, on the contrary, he had paid 
 every attention to passing subjects, ia order to preserve him from 
 the imputation of being ignorant as to the general movements 
 of society. However, he made it an invariable rule never to 
 profess a knowledge of any science or circumstance, from which, 
 upon a more minute inquiry, he might be detected and held up 
 to ridicule for his vain-boasting pretensions. He was also 
 well aware, that^ in PEIVATE, men were all alike subject to 
 the workings of nature, irritated or pleased by the most 
 trifling circumstances ; and that SITUATION was every thing. 
 "View," said ToM, "the judge, who, from his gravity and 
 solemn demeanour upon the bench, imposed a reverential awe 
 
76 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 upon all those around him in public ; look at him amidst his 
 family and domestics, and even in the circle of his friends, you 
 will find that his feelings are predominent. And, is it not well 
 known, that a bishop, who, in an elaborate charge to a diocese, 
 had exhorted the clergy to humihty and temperance, and also 
 his flock to patience, has been indicted for an assault 1 It has, 
 likewise, been of considerable notoriety, that an eminent 
 counsellor, who had endeavoured by the most energetic appeal 
 to the feelings of a jury in calling down heavy damages for 
 the enormity of crim. con. has proved himself an automaton to 
 his own reasoning, and been found guilty of the same crime ! 
 Observe," said Tom, " the player, who has often and often 
 electrified the audience, when in the personification of virtuous 
 characters, by receiving tumultuous approbation for the dignified 
 and inspiring sentiments which he has uttered — yet, as to 
 himself, he has received no advantage from such experience, 
 that ' virtue needs only to be seen to be admired ; ' but has 
 thrown off the character with the dress, losing sight of all that 
 he has so aiaimatedly promulgated." 
 
 Among the modest fair ones, Corinthian Tom was an 
 object of more than a little attention ; his extreme partiality 
 for the ladies had introduced him to many singular adventures. 
 He was polite, generous, and good-humoured ; always lively in 
 their presence, and abounding with that sort of " small talk" 
 and anecdote which banished ennui from any place wherever 
 he might be situated, and communicated pleasure to the female 
 bosom; but as to deep research and scientific conversation, 
 however they might exist in the company of some females, he 
 did not look for such solid arguments in those circles, yet 
 contented himself with the minor subjects of conversation, 
 upon which he could descant with the tender part of the 
 creation with ease and freedom. 
 
DRAWING OF CORINTHIAN TOM. 77 
 
 That I have often been in love, deep love, 
 A hundred doleful ditties plainly prove ; 
 By marriage never have I been disjointed ; 
 
 For matrimony deals prodigious blows ; 
 
 And yet for this same stormy state, God knows, 
 I 've groan'd — and, thank my stars, been disappointed. 
 
 His pretensions, Tom, it seems, always wished it to be 
 understood, were not to the title of " learned," but he had no 
 objection to the appellation of " a merry fellow ! " and if a 
 neat pun, smart repartee, or jolly song were any proofs of it, 
 he certainly possessed them in a tolerable degree. With a 
 certain class of the sex, better known by the higher order of 
 " Cyprians," the weight of Tom's purse had gone before'liim ; 
 and in his visits to the Opera, the Theatres, and other places 
 of public resort, lures were held out to ensnare, captivate, and 
 secure him ; and if he was not steeled against the temptations 
 he had to encounter, but became an easy prey by too great a 
 liberality of disposition, it might, perhaps, be attributed more 
 to a defect in nature than any radical system of depravity. 
 However, be that as it might, his character was not exempt 
 from the term of a LIBERTINE, and a title of that 
 description, whether just or unjust, is very rarely erased 
 from that person who happens to lay under its reproach ; 
 indeed, it too generally descends with him to the grave : but, 
 whether the denomination of a libertine was to prove as a 
 passport to future gallantries or to exclude him from the com- 
 pany of the modest and rational of mankind is yet to be in- 
 quired into. 
 
 Money 's a rattling sinner, to be sure : 
 
 Like the sweet Cyprian girl (we won't say w e). 
 
 Is happy to be frequently employ'd. 
 And not content by one to be eujoy'd : 
 Yet like the great ones, with fastidious eye. 
 Seems of inferior mortals rather shy ! 
 
78 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Tom was too much in the " hey-day of blood," it should 
 seem, to be called aside from his favourite pursuits by 
 casual remarks upon any particular part of his behaviour ; 
 and it might be observed, that, if his claim to cliaracter 
 had ever been rightly appreciated, no question would 
 have arisen but that he was certainly more entitled to be 
 ranked among " choice spirits '' than classed with " rigid 
 moralists ! " Like aU other fashionable men, he professed 
 to entertain the highest sense of honour, as being one of 
 those most essential requisites that positively no gentleman 
 can do without; and little doubt will be expressed but 
 he felt its vast importance in society, except, perhaps, in 
 that material point of view where it is so much ]}rofessed 
 and so little acted upon by gentlemen, to the — seduced 
 female ! 
 
 It is but justice to remark that, however Tom revelled away 
 in aU the luxuries of ease and fashion, on many prominent 
 occasions, where actions speak instead of words, he never lost 
 sight of that line of conduct which was necessary to constitute 
 and support the character of A MAN. 
 
 This must suffice for a first sitting : in fact, it can only be 
 looked at as a mere outhne of Corinthian Tom. The 
 author must be upon "good terms with himself " indeed to 
 have the vanity to suppose that he could have taken a 
 '■'■finished likeness" of such a hero the first time. No, no. 
 His readers are too good judges to be imposed upon (if 
 even attempted) by such an impudent artifice. The author, 
 it is true, intends to do a good deal ; but he does not mean 
 to " out-Herod Herod ! " He is also too anxious lest any 
 sneer should escape from the critic, that the " mountain in 
 labour " has only brought forth a mouse. CORINTHIAN ToM 
 
DRA WING OF CORINTHIAN TOM. 79 
 
 will, therefore, have the kindness to sit a second time ; nay, 
 a third, fourth, fifth, and even a sixth time, if it be thought 
 necessary, in order to accomplish a perfect portrait. A 
 PORTRAIT, it is hoped, that may bid defiance to the stare, the 
 shrugs, the sneers, the ridicule, the grimaces, and the cant of 
 criticism, wlienever it has the honour of being placed in its 
 " true light " by the hanging committee belonging to the Eoyal 
 Academy. 
 
 One more observation, and this chapter is at an end. By 
 way of an apology, or something hke an excuse, for the 
 delay of artists in general, it should be recollected, that 
 the likeness of Corinthian Tom is not taken with a Tnachine : 
 and, notwithstanding the numerous lights and shades it may 
 require — the frequent rubbings out — the various tints — the 
 fine workings up, required to do justice to a head, nay a figure, 
 altogether of no common quality, and the artist often out of 
 humour with himself upon the arduous task he has undertaken, 
 yet a promise is here given, and it will be fulfilled, that the 
 likeness, such as it is, of Corinthian Tom, will be presented 
 to his numerous friends, long, very long, before the usual time 
 allowed to that most accomplished delineator of the " human 
 face divine," Lawrence.^ 
 
 * If report speak true, it is considered a great favour indeed to procure 
 a likeness from this distinguished portrait-painter in less than five years. 
 But then, when it is obtained, it is invaluable ! 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 The great Advantages resulting from a Maiis Father being 
 " born '' before him, illustrated with some curious Facts ; and 
 also pointing Old, that a true Knowledge of the World is gained 
 ofily by Conversation, and that the Manners of every Rank 
 must be seen in order to be known. 
 
 The child who many fathers share 
 Hath seldom known a father's care ! 
 
 HOWEVER singular it may seem, it appears the unfortu- 
 nate Savage attributed all his miseries to his having 
 too much FATHER and literally no MOTHER. What pleasure might 
 not the world have derived from his muse, if they had contended 
 who should have supported or provided an ample fortune for 
 him. His genius then might have soared above every obstacle, 
 and his productions ranked him -with the first poets of the age 
 in which he lived. But that unnatural woman, to whom he 
 owed his wretched existence, not only imbittered all his 
 moments, and damped those ripening talents, which, notwith- 
 standing the obscurity of his early days, burst forth with such 
 uncommon abihty, but also left him in the dark respecting the 
 knowledge of his parent. In short, she ultimately rendered 
 him a perfect outcast of society. Deprived of his legal^ father ; 
 
 tricked out of his would-be '' parent, and debased and deserted 
 
 - . . •" 
 
 ^ In point of law, the Earl of Macclesfield. 
 ^ In point of fact, Earl Rivers. 
 
ON A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD. 8i 
 
 by his mother,^ who had a much greater claim to the title of 
 tigress, the life of Savage was one continued scene of misfor- 
 tune and depravity. Presuming on the nobility of his blood, he 
 was thoughtless, extravagant, dissipated, and insolent. His 
 mind was alternately distracted with poverty and pride. It 
 is true that his great talents gained him admirers, but his 
 manners and satiric qualities never realised him a friend. He 
 was a beggar in fortune, having no regular mode of subsistence 
 without depending upon the charity of the great, or in trusting 
 to his literary exertions for his daily support. 
 
 Widely different is the following circumstance, though 
 equally important to our portraiture of Life in London. It 
 is a pleasure to observe that, notwithstanding the etiquette of 
 polished society, an instance is to be found in which the feelings 
 of humanity triumphed over the baneful effects of prejudice, 
 as will be seen in witnessing a contention displayed by two 
 gentlemen for the title of father to a being whom the rigidity 
 of the law allows to have no relation. 
 
 A Duke (once celebrated for his numerous gallantries, but 
 
 ' The Countess of Macclesfield. The infamous conduct of this woman 
 towards her son is of so Jiend-Uke a description that she appears more in 
 the shape of an imaginary demon of romance, held up as an object of terror 
 to deter other females from committing such outi-ageous acts against 
 parental affection and humanity, than as an actual being, once moving in 
 the upper circles of society. Indeed, if the cruel facts alluded to had not 
 been the theme of public conversation at the time they occurred (1717), 
 they would scarcely have obtained belief at the present period. It is one 
 of the most diabolica,l portraits of a female ever seen ; yet it is said that 
 this countess, at one time of her life, was viewed as a most accomplished 
 lady, and also entertaining the highest sense and notions of honour. It 
 is rather singular to remark, that she proclaimed her own infamy ; her 
 marriage was dissolved by act of parliament, and the whole of her fortune, 
 which was great, repaid her. 
 
82 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 who, -withiii a few years past, has been consigned to the tomb 
 of his ancestors), it seems, was so fascinated with the agile, 
 movements, united to other powerful charms, of a celebrated 
 opera dancer, that he immediately offered her a carte, llanche. 
 The proposals were accepted without any hesitation ; and this 
 elegant "little bark " oi frailty soon became the acknowledged 
 chere-amie of the Duke. However the lady might be dazzled, 
 in the first instance, with the grandeur of the Duke's title, — 
 the splendour of his fortune, — the taste of his equipage, — the 
 magnificence of his mansion, and with participating in all the 
 luxuries of his enormous wealth ; yet, it should seem, she was 
 not totally insensible to the powerful attractions which graced 
 
 the person of the late G. S , Esq., of whom it was said, 
 
 that, for elegance of manners and brilliancy of wit, he eclipsed 
 every other competitor in the fashionable circles during his 
 career. This tender-hearted Italian, possessing all the warmth 
 of her native soil, and from not having clearly explained to 
 her the Old English notions of constancy; neither restricted 
 by any dull forms of propriety — but perfectly a free agent in 
 regard to the softer passions, it is said, was not niggardly in 
 bestowing her favours, in return for the polite attention of so 
 accomplished a gallant. 
 
 In vain I turn around to run away : 
 
 Thine eyes, those basilisks, command my stay ; 
 Whilst through its gauze thy snowy hosom peeping, 
 
 Seems to that rogue interpreter my eye, 
 
 To heave a soft, desponding, tender sigh, 
 Like gossamer, my thoughts of goodness sweeping. 
 
 The lady, at length, gave birth to a daughter ; and, from the 
 above intercourse, it appears, both of the heroes alluded to 
 put in their claims to the title of "papa!" The Duke felt 
 the weight of his own importance, and was completely satisfied 
 
ON A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD. 83 
 
 in his mind that the " little innocent " belonged to Ms charge ; 
 and to his credit be it spoken, that whatever advantages were 
 to be derived from education, good-breeding, and polite accom- 
 plishments, his grace most liberally bestowed upon his interest- 
 ing p-o%^e; nay more, he gave her a marriage-portion that 
 few of the first ladies in the land could rival ; and also united 
 her with one of the highest families in the kingdom. At his 
 death, he likewise left large fortunes for the whole of her 
 children ; besides rendering herself totally independent of her 
 noble husband, from the immense estates and large sum of 
 
 money he settled upon her. The late G. S , Esq. at his 
 
 death (which occurred several years before the noble Duke), 
 to show that he possessed generosity as well as wit, also left 
 the little "love-child" the agreeable present of £30,000, in 
 order, it is said, that his memory, in whatever doubtful situation 
 he stood towards her, might not be entirely forgotten by the 
 child for whom he felt a parental aifection. 
 
 The contrast between the above two characters is interest- 
 ingly great. Poor Savage, the laivful and ww-lawful heir to a 
 peerage, in consequence of his not being noticed by his relatives, 
 was frequently glad to sleep night after night on a dust-hill, 
 or to take refuge in a glass-house from the inclemency of the 
 weather, having no regular place of residence to protect his 
 unhappy frame. He also experienced all the horrors of mind 
 in beiag sentenced to suffer death from an unfortunate quarrel, 
 his life having been sworn away by a perjured prostitute ; and 
 the last scene of his " strange eventful history " ^ was wound 
 up by an imprisonment, for a trifling debt, in Bristol gaol, 
 
 ^ The life and vicissitudes of this unfortunate poet, written by the late 
 Dr Johnson, has long been pronounced to be one of the finest pieces of 
 biography in the English language. It is a correct delineation of human 
 nature, and ought to be read by every individual. 
 
84 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 where death put a period to all his calamities. While, on the 
 contrary, the parental affection bestowed upon this unfortu- 
 nate female, elevated her to the peerage, and she enjoyed a 
 splendid situation in society as the Countess of . 
 
 In the foregoing paragraph, it should seem, too irMch father 
 has been the subject ; but in the following painful, yet interest- 
 ing fact, it will be seen that an individual made his fortune 
 without his knowing that he ever had had any " FATHER or 
 relative at all belonging to him." Within the last fifty years, a 
 person who had realised a fortune of upwards of £50,000, and 
 who, it appeared, had been reared in the Foundling Hospital, 
 felt such an unhappy vacuum in his mind, that he made known 
 his distressing feelings by public advertisement ; intimating 
 that he wanted the society of some relative to enjoy his acquired 
 wealth with Iiim ; and also offering a reward to any person 
 who could give any information respecting his parents. 
 
 Not so with Corinthian Tom ; his father was bom before 
 him ; or, as the old adage perhaps more tritely observes, ToM 
 " was born with a silver spoon in his mouth j " ^ and Poverty, 
 that unwelcome visitor, was an unknown guest at the splendid 
 mansion of his beloved sire. Fortune, it should seem, 
 ushered Tom's entrance into the world: Splendour rocked 
 his cradle; FuN, Frolic, and Fancy, perched upon its top; 
 and even Luxury waited upon him in his go-cart. His golden 
 leading-strings were under the guidance of Tenderness and 
 Eefinement; and Tom could scarcely lisj), when Anxiety, 
 upon the utmost stretch, endeavoured to anticipate all his 
 little wants. His infant tears too were instantly dried up by 
 
 2 It was Dean Swift's opinion that a fat sorrow is always better than a 
 lean one ! and, most surely, it will not be doubted but this authority is 
 ortJtodox. 
 
ON A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD. 85 
 
 his attendant Acquiescence ; and surly Contradiction ^ was 
 forbid to cross his path, or even, upon any account, to thwart 
 his wishes. Indeed, his childhood was one continued sun- 
 shine : no rude storms broke in upon his happy career ; and, 
 from the softness and serenitj'- of his early days, his downy 
 pillow might be compared to the exquisite repose of a bed of 
 roses. 
 
 Year after year rolled on in the same luxuriant mode, and 
 Tom had only to ash and to lime, ! nay more, it was the stuiy of 
 all those persons placed around him to watch his motions and 
 to provide everything that could, in the smallest degree, con- 
 tribute to his happiness. 
 
 Tom was an only child, the heir to an immense fortune ; 
 but, by many of his parents' friends, TOM was characterised 
 as a spoiled boy. 
 
 In short, Tom was horn 2 to be a happy fellow, if the enjoy- 
 ment of the " good things " of this world could have made 
 him so. But some ill-natured or disappointed persons, it 
 appears, assert these " good things " alone are not sufficient to 
 ensure complete happiness ; more especially, if the proprietor 
 does not know how to apply them to his own advantage. 
 
 1 Lord Holland, the father of the late Right Hon. Charles James Fox, 
 would never suffer that great orator to be contradicted in his infancy. 
 The former statesman, it seems, entertained fears that it might break the 
 rising spirit of his darling son. Some very curious and interesting anec- 
 dotes are extant respecting this mode of education adopted by Lord Hol- 
 land. Corinthian Tom being also a LAD of great spirit, it is not unlikely 
 but his father had a predilection for copying from so enlightened a model. 
 
 * " Born '' a gentleman. The mere idea is quite reviving, not merely 
 to the lovers of pleasure, but also to the lovers of doing good. 
 
86 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 I like not the hlue-devU, hunting crew, 
 
 I hate to drop the discontented jaw, 
 Oh, let me Natueb's simple smile pursue. 
 
 And PICK e'en pleasueb from a straw. 
 
 If more riclies are not the peculiar object in view, yet, per- 
 haps, some trifling desire being left ungratified is too apt to 
 create a degree of restlessness ia the mind of the individual, 
 that even the possession of the wealth of the mines of Peru 
 could not remove. How frequently does it occur that the 
 BOY sighs to become a man, under the anticipation of having 
 his liberty, and being enabled to enjoy his imaginary pleasures 
 uncontrolled ; while, on the contrary, the MAN exclaims, with 
 sincere regret, that " if his time was to come over again," -with 
 how much more profit, improvement, and happiness to himself, 
 if D,ot to others, would he employ it. 
 
 The Boy and Man an individual makes, 
 Yet sigh'st thou now for apples and for cakes ? 
 Go, like the Indian, in another life 
 Expect thy dog, thy bottle, and thy wife ; 
 As well as dream such trifles are assign'd, 
 As toys and empires, for a godhke mind. 
 
 Judge we by Nature ? Habit can efface, 
 
 Int'rest o'eroome, or Policy take place : 
 
 By Actions ? those Uncertainty divides : 
 
 By Passions ? these Dissimulation hides : 
 
 OriNiONS ? they stUl take a wider range : 
 
 Find, if you can, IS WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE. 
 
 Manners vrith Fortunes, Humours turn with Climes, 
 
 Tenets with Books, and Principles with Times, 
 
 The advantages resulting from " seeing the World," which 
 had so often been the theme of discussion over the table of 
 Tom's father, had, in a very high degree, excited the curiosity 
 of our Hero. Mankind he had hitherto only seen in perspec- 
 tive ; and that, added to ripening manhood and the close con- 
 
ON A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WOULD. 87. 
 
 finement, or rather unwearied attention of a private tutor, 
 made him feel a most unconquerable thirst for a little practical 
 experience with the human character. Tom's heart, in fact, 
 panted for^ more intimate connexion with society in general. 
 It was most true, that he had nothing to render him. unhappy ; 
 but stm there was a something wanting that made him appear 
 at times somewhat restless; notwithstanding, he had most 
 liberally participated in every pleasure, as far as the limits of 
 an anxious tutor and an amiable parent thought they could 
 consistently aUow. But this was not enough; and Tom 
 ardently wished for the arrival of that day when he should 
 be enabled to ramble amongst mankind without the fear of 
 check or control, and also to shake off that restraint which had 
 so strongly marked his boyish period. 
 
 Flattery, being so continually at Tom's elbow, ojierated 
 rather as a kind of drawback to the exercise of his talents at 
 this early part of his career ; yet he was generally considered 
 as a youth of great promise. Natuke, it should seem, had 
 laid fast hold of him, and the impulse of the moment operated 
 strongly upon his feelings: Humanity had instinctively 
 showed itself in all his transactions, where this fine trait was 
 necessary ; and his composition and general deportment por- 
 trayed an active readiness to relieve the wants of his fellow- 
 creatures. 
 
 Sweet is the tale, however etrange its air. 
 
 That bids the public eye Mtoniahed stare ! 
 
 Sweet is the tale, howe'er uncouth its shape, 
 
 That makes the world's wide mouth with wonder gape ! 
 
 Behold our infancies in tales delight. 
 
 That bolt like hedgehog quills the hair upright. 
 
 Of ghosts how pleased is ev'ry child to hear ; 
 
 To such is Jack the Giant-killer dear ! 
 
88 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Yet distress, to Tom, was like unto a pathetic tale which he 
 had perused ; and the mere idea of a hungry man, with no 
 money in his pockets, counting the trees in St James's Park to 
 beguile the tedious hour of dinner-time, to appease an empty 
 stomach (which many worthy honest men have experienced), 
 would have made Tom laugh heartily, as a sort oi creative good 
 joke, instead of believing that such bitter things could possibly 
 have existence in a land of charity and benevolence. 
 
 Or, that a " good fellow," who, from the necessity of the 
 moment, was compelled to Jiide his naked frame in bed, while 
 some accommodating nymph of the tub tenderly ^ endeavoured, 
 
 ^ The following anecdote may, in a great degree, illustrate this necessi- 
 tous point : — Mr Tony Le Brun, » low comedian, of some provincial 
 notoriety, but particularly distinguished for his dry humour off the stage, 
 and also for his wet qualities behind the glass, was engaged by the late 
 Lord Earrymore, as Under-Prompter, to assist in conducting his Lordship's 
 Private Theatricals at Wargrave, then in high repute in the fashionable 
 world. With ad-dress Tony was abundantly supplied, but his drapery in 
 general was rather scanty, and as to shirts in particular, he had but one, 
 and that was literally a unique. As Mr Le Brun occasionally mingled in 
 the dramatic scene as a walking gentleman, it was expedient on such 
 occasions to have that solitary shirt washed. Agreeably to such a measure, 
 he leaped from his couch one morning in an unencumbered state of nature, 
 and having dressed himself as genteelly as his wardrobe would admit 
 (though his rotund body was unconscious of linen), and buttoned up his 
 coat to his neck, to elude the Tceen eye of impertinence, he sent his shirt to 
 tiie washerwoman to be got reafly at a stated hour, and to be so highly 
 Uanched that it might rival snow. This indispensable point being settled, 
 he attended the rehearsals as usual, and was very pompously giving his 
 orders for the regulation of the devils in Von Juan, the stage being then 
 crowded with ladies and gentleman (amateurs), when a httle girl came 
 
 behind the scenes with a message from the blanchisseusc, her mother : 
 
 " Mr Le Brun, my mammy has sent you your shirt." " What ! has she 
 washed it already, my dear, in two hours ? damme, that is expedition ! " 
 "2Sro, sir, she has not washed at*" " Not washed it, you diminutive slut ! 
 
ON A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD. 89 
 
 from the age and service of the article in question, to renovate 
 the colour of an appendage once termed a shirt, that its owner 
 might never have the appearance in public of wanting clean 
 linen (which some wealthy men in the City of London now-a- 
 days would not hesitate to justify as fact, if the recollection of 
 their poverty was not the most painful part of the memory), 
 Tom would have asserted that any man who made so good a 
 shift to obtain cleanliness ought never to want a piece of cloth 
 to cover his body, or a bed to hide himself upon such a TRY- 
 ING occasion. 
 
 On seeing the soi-disant " Bit of Blood,'' whose ideas of taste 
 and elegance drove everything out of his head respecting the 
 discharge of Ids expenses at a future period, but rendering his 
 celerity necessaiy in crossing the streets to avoid the wandering 
 eyes of prying creditors, who not unfrequently pop all of a 
 sudden on an old customer, and inquire after his long absence, 
 with a familiarity rather embarrassing ; CoEiNTHiAN ToM 
 burst out in raptures, exclaiming, " that such a character ought 
 to have been made an Admiral, for keeping so good a look-out 
 after an enemy ! " 
 
 On being told of " a knowing Kid," whose desideratum in 
 taking of lodgings was to have the accommodation of a key to 
 let himself in, that he might not give any trouble ; and then 
 
 what is the meaning of that ? " " My mammy says as how it is so old and 
 rotten she is afraid it will rub to pieces in the washing-tub.'' "Poh, poh ! " 
 replied the abashed prompter, angrily, with a face as full of colours as a 
 rainbow ; " you are a very foolish child, and your mother is a greater fool 
 who sent you : go back with it to your soap-teazing dam, and tell her, if 
 she is ignorant of ways and means, I will instruct her ; if the shirt is so 
 fine that she is afraid of committing it to the tub with coarser vestments, 
 bid herpwi it against the wall and tlvrovi water at it." 
 
90 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 come home between two and three o'clock every mcrning, in 
 order to avoid the pressing importunities of his talkative land- 
 lady, whose tongue was nearly worn-out in endeavouring to 
 ascertain the finances of her most interestiiig lodger respecting 
 the hquidation of her rent : such a hero, ToM observed, ought 
 to have a patent granted to him for teaching women— patience / 
 
 And the " IVIiite-wasUng Buck," ^ trying on his " ways and 
 means," with the alluring sounds of a Nightingale, to get the 
 lest, in the first instance, of a few dashing tailors, bootmakers, 
 and hatters, that he may be the better enabled, by his elegant 
 "appearance," to impose, with the utmost sang-froid, upon 
 society in general. Punning, with laughter, over his clieap 
 ■wine, to his companions, at the faith of his tailor, in thus daily 
 getting rid of both his good and had habits ; also at the almost 
 forlorn-/ioj>e of the boot-maker, in ever expecting to overtake 
 those lively legs he once had so accurately measured : and, like- 
 wise, in enjoying the idea of the clmrity of the hatter, whose 
 anxiety chiefly consisted in showing his articles to be water- 
 jrroof, in order that his customers might not be afraid of the 
 Jiead-ache ! And then, by way of a climax to his wit, asking, 
 with a grin upon his countenance, what man is worthy of 
 existence in society who does not possess faith, hope, and 
 CHARITY 1 Such a persuasive genius, Tom asserted, who could 
 thus rig himself out at the public's expense, could not fail in 
 making a good Prime Minister ! 
 
 1 A HERO (belonging to a most numerous family, in 1820), who gets im- 
 hlusMngly rid of all his difficulties by a BiLii of Indemnitt, granted to him 
 for his servitude on board of " The Fleet," for the short space of three 
 months ! Wine, of course, is clieap to such a hero ; clothes are of no 
 expense to him ; and as to rent and taxes, why he has nothing to do with 
 them. He is an invaluabh subject to his country, it must be admitted. 
 
ON A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD. 91 
 
 Or, a " Shabby Fellow " quitting a company where he had 
 fared most sumptuously, when the hill was about to be settled, 
 either by starting up and suddenly lolling, as if he had some 
 prior engagement to fulfil ; or, otherwise, shamming intolerably 
 drunk, so as not to be hored by looking over long items; and 
 also to prevent him from behaving scaly to the waiters by his 
 getting rid of it altogether : Tom indignantly declared that 
 such a contemptible Sponge ought always to be well squeezed in 
 every company, and likewise lianded out of society in general. 
 
 Nor did he forget the " Neat Aeticle," remarked for being 
 a good tim.e-ist in calHng upon a very slight acquaintance at 
 the juncture of meal-times, when good manners, though often 
 painful in this case, compels the housekeeper to ask the " Neat 
 Article" to take a bit, after the well-known metropolitan 
 compliment, " You may as well, as we have more than we can 
 eat ;" while his penetrating liberal rib, with looks as prepossess- 
 ing as clouds before a thunderstorm, knowing the mine of 
 such friendly calls, fetches the " Diddler " a plate, to make 
 him welcome, with activity Uke a person troubled with the 
 gout, and observing by way of sharpening the appetite of the 
 " Neat Article," " that the lamb ought to be good, as it cost 
 
 her husband the astonishing high price of per pound ; 
 
 but then he is so extravagant. Yet she did not mention it, 
 very far from it, upon that account." He must be a " Neat 
 Article" indeed, Tom urged, that could endure such z, flatter- 
 ing reception a second time. 
 
 But the history of the Spodters,^ and the various curious 
 
 1 Tom, it seems, completely mistook this term in the first instance, 
 thinking it only applied to those persons who were attached to the drama, 
 and who were, at different times, fond of declaiming detached sentences 
 from Shakspbabe. But he was soon put right, on being informed, that 
 
92 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 acts performed by this numerous class of persons in the 
 Metropolis was a perfect r'lAdle to Corinthian Tom. The idea 
 of a mahogany table going up a spmt to liquidate a man's rent, 
 or a mirror to produce a joint of meat ; and a new suit of 
 clothes, after having given a hero a day's decent appearance, 
 vanishing, by this sort of means, in order to make the first pay- 
 ment to a tally tailor, was a kind of necromanaj he could not 
 altogether comprehend, owing to Profusion and Elegance, 
 his companions. It is true, Tom was as learned as the routine 
 of a schoolmaster could wish him, respecting a genteel know- 
 ledge of languages ; he was possessed of as much elegance and 
 grace as a dancing-master could add to his exterior ; but he 
 was, at this period, as ignorant as a shepherd respecting 
 the real traits and subterfuges of human nature in the Metro- 
 polis. The ties of consanguinity Corinthian Tom was no 
 stranger to ; but, it seems, he had yet to learn that, of all his 
 relatives, experience would point out " HIS UNCLE "^ to be of 
 the most feeling and accommodating disposition ; and who was 
 ready at all times to supply his wants, provided he show cause 
 why? His trees might be turned into cash, without cutting 
 any of them down; his carriage might produce bank-notes, 
 
 it was a long narrow spout, which reached from the top of the house of the 
 Money-Lender down to his counter, and through which the articles of pro- 
 perty wlien redeeined, were conveyed, in order to facilitate business. 
 
 1 Cant term for a Pawnlroker : this class now prefer the term Silver- 
 smith I 
 
 Who lives where hang those golden balls, 
 Where Dick's poor mother often calls, 
 And leaves her dickey, gown, and shawls ? 
 
 Mt Uncle. 
 
 Who, when you 're short of the short stuff, 
 Nose starving for an ounce of snuff, 
 WUl " raise tlie wind " without a puff? 
 
 Mt Uncle. 
 
ON A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD. 93 
 
 without coining to the hammer ; and his wardrobe might not 
 only make money, but be taken care of into the bargain. 
 " This Spout," exclaimed Tom, " must possess the powers 
 of Magic ; and my UNCLE must be a liberal character indeed ! " 
 Yet when he heard of the independence displayed by this 
 relative, in his not paying any sort of preference to society, 
 and that the diamond necklace^ of the duchess did not operate 
 more strongly on his cocker feeUngs, than the poor market- 
 woman's flat iron^ to raise the needful to commence her daily 
 
 1 The history o£ the " Diamond NecMace " ia well known at the West 
 End of the Town. 
 
 2 It would be highly improper, even for an instant, to entertain an 
 opinion that there are no honest, reputable, and even conscientious pawn- 
 brokers in London. We trust there are very many ; and though, perhaps, 
 it may not be deemed by the feeling mind the most pleasant way of obtain- 
 ing a competence, to do so from the distresses of the poor and unfortunate, 
 yet, most undoubtedly, every man in this happy country has a right to 
 lay out his capital to the best advantage, provided it is done in a fair and 
 honourable manner. But, that there is a class of swindlers who obtain 
 licences to act as pawnbrokers, for the purpose of a disguise to their being 
 the receivers of stolen goods, the Newgate Calendar can prove beyond all 
 doubt ; and such men, unfortunately, bring disgrace upon the respectable 
 part of the profession. In this Metropolis there are upwards of two hun- 
 dred and thirty pawnbrokers — in whose hands, at a very moderate estimate, 
 there is generally property to the amount of seven hundred thousand 
 pounds sterling, belonging to the poorest and most distressed part of the 
 community ! 
 
 It is not our intention to deny the utility of such callings, as we are per- 
 fectly aware that, in some few critical instances, they have proved of con- 
 siderable service. By preventing poor persons who are distressed from 
 selling their goods and wearing apparel ; or by assisting tradesmen with 
 temporary loans upon their articles of furniture in time of need, with the 
 advantage of redeeming them at a future period, when their circumstances 
 were improved, pawnbrokers have often been of great benefit ; for, if the 
 articles in question were immediately sold, half their value might not be 
 obtained, and they would be irrecoverably gone. So far, pawnbrokers may 
 
94 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 businesSj it tickled Corinthian Tom's fancy more than words 
 can well express. But the penetration and confidence displayed 
 by " his UNCLE " operated as a climax indeed, and struck him, 
 
 appear a useful class of society ; but, on the other hand, in a large Metro- 
 polis like London, what a door is opened to raise money to support every 
 species of vice ! Fraudulent tradesmen turn their creditors' goods into 
 money; servants pledge their masters' property ; and mechanics their 
 working tools and unfinished work. Money is so readily obtained at these 
 shops, that they operate too frequently (in fact, it might be said daily) as 
 an inducement to drunkenness, debauchery, idleness, and even prostitu- 
 tion. The business occasioned in this way by women of the town is scarcely 
 credible, and pawnbrokers derive considerable emolument from this numer- 
 ous and lamentable class of society. Their pledges are in general of the 
 greatest value, and what articles are pilfered in the night are deposited 
 the next day with the pawnbrokers ; who, knowing their necessities, lend 
 just what they please, and derive «. wonderful profit from these articles 
 being scarcely ever redeemed. The secrecy with which pawnbroking is 
 carried on, admits room for great fraud on the part of the pawnbroker, 
 respecting the interest of the pawns; and it is well known, that many 
 persons, who have detected impositions in this respect, have preferred 
 putting up with the loss, rather than expose the poverty of their situation 
 in life, by appearing before a magistrate concerning such transactions. 
 Those people who are continually in the habit of pawning are generally of 
 such a description as to be entirely governed by the will of the pawnbroker, 
 who takes and pays just what he thinks proper. Much evil arises too 
 from the negligence or design of these money-lenders, in not requiring a 
 proper account from many of their customers as to their mode of obtaining 
 the articles. Innumerable instances might be shown of the great disad- 
 vantages persons labour under in the Metropolis from jobbing tailors, who 
 take in work; from laundresses, who have great quantities of linen to 
 wash; from shoemakers that work at home, &c., who, even upon any 
 imaginary want or pleasure, can have such ready recourse to these places 
 for turning those articles into ready money. It has been related of a 
 watchmaker, who was in the habit of having a great number of watches 
 entrusted to his care to clean, that from idleness and drunkenness he had 
 pledged moat of them ; and when any customer became so particularly 
 pressing, that he could not put him off any longer, as soon as another watch 
 
ON A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD. 95 
 
 as it were, all of a heap, when he learnt that an individual who 
 had purchased a plate oiporh and greens at a cook's shop, being 
 overtaken by a hungry creditor on his road to the public-house, 
 
 came in to bs cleaned, he took that to relieve the one wanted ; till the 
 man was overwhelmed in distress, and the only return hia employers 
 experienced for their property was the duplicates. Numerous well-authen- 
 ticated cases could he quoted, to show the alarming extent of pawnhroking 
 in London. Every Saturday night, or till nearly one the next morning, 
 are their shops crammed to excess with people procuring their clothes to 
 make an appearance upon the Sunday; and on the Monday morning, 
 crowds of men, women, and children, may be seen round their doors, 
 frequently before their shops are open, that these deluded people may 
 IJrocure money to get a hreakfast I The interest allowed by act o£ Parlia- 
 ment is sufficiently exorbitant, without any addition by the pawnbroker — 
 but vast sums are obtained by charging an additional month's interest, 
 after a pledge has gone two or three days over the date, which is scarcely 
 ever disputed by the uninformed. It is from the weekly and daily pledges 
 that the pawnbrokers amass such large fortunes. An anecdote has been 
 related, that in "■ poor lodging-house, in which a single plat ieon was 
 allowed for the use of its inmates, that the iron was pawned and redeemed 
 eight or nine times in the week, and sometimes twice a day: the sum 
 generally lent upon it was sixpence, — and if the interest is calculated, it 
 will be found, that for the use of so smaZl a sum, at a halfpenny each time, 
 allowing it to be pawned four times per week, it ^vill amount to eight 
 shillings and eight pence per year ! This is independently of the numer- 
 ous pledges that are put in to redeem others, and the expense incurred by 
 fresh duplicates. The pledges of poor women's aprons, towels, &c., are 
 numerous in the extreme, and in general produce no more than fourpence, 
 or sixpence, each article. If £10 only were employed in this lucrative 
 way, ii would, in the course of a twelvemonth, admitting that these articles 
 were redeemed but once in a week, produce the enormous profit of 
 £86, 17s. The great reluctance shown in general by pawnbrokers to 
 persona who have lost their property, is of a most aggravated nature ; as 
 they well know that if any of the stolen articles are found upon their 
 premises, they must restore them to the right owner, free of expense. In 
 fact, the whole system of pawnbroking calls loudly for the interference of 
 the legislature ; particularly to protect the poorer classes of society, and 
 prevent the immorality of the practice of taking pawns from children. 
 
96 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 had this small debt discharged by the S'pmd, which gave him 
 immediate relief, by taking in his hot dinner.^ It was also 
 made clear to Tom, that a man who had proved inflexible to 
 all dunning at his residence, was, at length, suddenly stopped 
 in the streets by the person to whom he was a debtor ; and 
 that, to get rid of his importunities, he immediately went to his 
 TJnde, pledged Umsdf for the amount of the debt, discharged 
 his creditor, and remained ticketed till he was redeemed''' in the 
 evening. In short, Tom was given to understand that " Ms 
 Uncle" did not turn a deaf ear to any articles of value 
 presented to him, excepting young children, on whom, it is 
 said, he could not place any precise interest ; and that the cal- 
 culations of " his Uncle " were something like a game of balls, 
 where the odds were TWO to ONE in favour of winning! 
 " His UNCLE " was also a great man in being able to 
 
 ^ This occurrence is an undeniable fact, and took place in the neigh- 
 bourhood of Smithfield, a few years since. 
 
 ^ Shuteb, the celebrated comedian. This fanny fellow, who was a 
 perfectly original character off as well as on the stage, being well aware 
 that the Managers of the Theatre could not do without him on the 
 evening alluded to (SHnTEB having been announced to perform), sent 
 them the duplicate of himself, — ^when they, of necessity, sent and redeemed 
 him accordingly. As a specimen of his originality of feeling, it may not, 
 perhaps, be out of place to relate the following anecdote. It had been 
 said of Shuter, that he was descended from respectable parents : this he 
 denied by public advertisement ; asserting that he owed his existence to 
 an Irish haymaker, from an amour with an oyster-wench. It appears he 
 was very much attached to low company, and that hia most intimate 
 acquaintance was the then "Jack Ketch." Upon being rebuked by a 
 friend, for his want of becoming pride, Shuter, in reply, told him he was 
 completely in error, as his acquaintance had been highly born, was deeply 
 educated, and that his father had made a great noise in the world. On 
 explanation, it turned out — that " Jack " was born in a garret, — brought 
 up in a cellar, — and his father had been a drummer in a marching regi- 
 ment. 
 
ON A KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD. 97 
 
 accommodate his friends with the loan of his private boxes''- any 
 evening, where more original characters might be witnessed 
 than at cither of the Theatres Eoyal. 
 
 The preceding, with many other circumstances of a similar 
 description, which daily occur in " Life in London," it should 
 seem, were wholly inexperienced by the affluent family of 
 Corinthian Tom, if not altogether unknown to them : but 
 the mere recital of them occasioned our hero animatedly to 
 remark, that, much as he had anticipated on the subject of 
 " seeing Life," it now appeared to him more worthy of explor- 
 ing than ever, — and he felt determined to pursue it, with 
 increasing ardour, to the end of the Chapter. 
 
 Happy the man who, void of care and strife, 
 
 In silken or in leathern purse retains 
 
 A SPLENDID SHILLING : he nor hears with pain 
 
 New oysters cry'd, nor sighs for cheerful ale. 
 
 ^ A poor PuNSTEE, who was hurrying through the streets one evening, 
 wJis met by a friend, who asked him where ho was going in such great 
 haste ? The humorist being rather sliy in stating his errand, as well as 
 anxious to conceal the poverty of his circumstances, and having only a few 
 minutes left before his ticket expired as to date, which not being renewed, 
 his property must have been forfeited, turned off the question, with a 
 smile, observing, " To a place of amusement." "What part of the house ?" 
 " To the private boxes.*' " Is it a good piece ? " " Excellent ! it abounds 
 with incident; and you cannot depart without feeling an interest in it." 
 "What's the name of it?"— "Just in Time!"* "I should like to 
 accompany you." — " No person," replied the Punster, " should I be more 
 happy to take, if I did not feel a great impropriety, on my part, of in- 
 troducing you to the company ! This sufficed, and the PuNSTEE got rid 
 of his troublesome friend. 
 
 « The name of an Opera, written by Mr Hurlstone. 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 Corinthian Tom's unceasing Anxiety to mix with the World 
 uncontrolled. His Acquaintance with Yoitng Logic, an 
 Oxonian. Character of tJie latter. Death of Tom's 
 Parents. 
 
 THE incidents and diversity of human character, developed 
 in the precediag chapter, it seems, had set ToM'S mind 
 on fire for a stroll to " see Lifb ! " and he was continually on 
 the/reP to obtain unrestrained liberty ; in fact, to become his 
 own master. This fliirst for adventures was considerably in- 
 creased, from his introduction to Egbert Logic, Esq., who 
 was the son of one of the most intimate friends of Corinthian 
 Tom's father. The parents of Young Logic were both dead, 
 and he was left in the possession of a considerable fortune. 
 
 Logic, as the phrase goes, had received a College Education ; 
 
 ^ TMs expreswm, is frequently made use of by txatty coachman, when 
 the horses are so full of spirit that they will not stand stiU, and are in 
 danger of iolting forwards almost every instant, in spite of the exertions of 
 the driver to the contrary. Perhaps the following illustration may tend 
 to render the above phrase more intelligible : — In taking up a gouty 
 customer, who leaves his door, liniinng at the rate of half a mile an hour 
 — or 3. finicking, fine, lialf-hred, lady, who, what with her maid fetching her 
 reticule and other fal-lals, robs Coachey of several minutes, when the latter 
 breaks out, " I should be much obliged to you, Sir, or Mai-m, if you 
 would bustle a little, as you see loy horses are on thsfret." 
 
YOUNG LOGIC, AN OXONIAN. 99 
 
 but those persons who were well acquainted with him seemed 
 to Mnt, that he had rather been sent to Oxford to have the 
 character of the thing, than to astonish the world at an after 
 period with any great works of intellectual profundity. 
 Indeed, on the contrary, Logic had no pretensions to obtain 
 one of Literary Fame's highest situations ; '^ and he used fre- 
 quently to laugh at the mere idea of his ever being distinguished 
 at Scapula, Heath, Cape Hederic, or Lexicon Bay?' To climb up 
 the Pindaric Heights was not his forte ; and it was also quite 
 out of the question, he observed, that he should ever be chosen, 
 from his talents, to become one of the inmates of Convocation 
 Castle. But it should seem, if the Classics had proved too 
 dry a study for him. within the walls of the CoUege, he had, 
 nevertheless, made some amends, as he termed it, for the capa- 
 Ulities he had displayed outside of them. Logic was as well 
 known as a finger-post, for queering the Gulls; and the noto- 
 riety he had obtained in the States of hidependence, and for the 
 Waste of Ready in Hoyle's Dominions, was great indeed. In 
 the Kingdom of Sans Souci he proved himself a hilliant of the 
 first water ; and from the figure he had cut in the Province of 
 Bacchus and the Dynasty of Venus, Logic had been pronounced 
 a hero. On the Plains of Betteris he had shown himself a 
 general of no mean stamp : and his knowledge of Navigation 
 was so good, that he had been enabled to steer clear of the 
 shoals and rocks of Dun Territory and the Biver Tick. The 
 aid of Tomline's Light House he never required ; and the Gave 
 of Antiquity he had no time to explore : but he was very fond 
 of the Salt Pits. Logic had a complete map of the Isles of 
 Bishop and Flip; and he was quite ahve to all the movements 
 upon these islands. For Dodd's Sound, it seems, he did not 
 
 ^ A garret, — ^the too frequent reward of genius and talent. 
 
 '^ The Phraseology peculiar to the Collegians ; quite of a local nature. 
 
loo LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 care ^.jig; but he was very partial to the semi of Goirington 
 Manors, MostyrCs Hunting District, and Somerset Range. He 
 always made one in the sports at the Hermitage, Port Meadow, 
 Cliampaign Country, and Cape Negus; and at the Castle of St 
 T/wmas, it is said, not a collegian was better known, or remem- 
 bered for his generosity, than the lively dashing Bob Logic. 
 With all his nous, however, it appears, he could not escape 
 rustication ; but his acquaintance with the Cam Roads soon i^ut 
 him to rights. Logic also had the good fortune to escape 
 being llown up at Point Non Plus. 
 
 Added to his University knowledge of life and fun in the 
 Country, his acquaintance with the Metropolis was extensive 
 and accurate. Logic had been " on the ioivn " ^ for several 
 years ; and no person had been more industrious towards 
 destroying a fine constitution, or endeavouring to reduce a long 
 purse, than he had. Such was the outline of his character. 
 But those essential requisites for j)romotLng the comforts and 
 happiness of existence, lots of money and a vigorous stamina, 
 seemed scarcely worthy of Logic's consideration, at least, if we 
 may judge from the line of conduct he had hitherto pursued. 
 
 Corinthian Tom and Logic not only became intimately 
 acquainted, but something like friendship cemented their 
 attachment. The generosity of the latter — his opemiess of 
 character and hberality of sentiment — ^rendered him an object 
 of attraction. The high spirit of which he was always master, 
 his lively ideas of taste and style, and that complete possession 
 of himself, which Logic had attained from his knowledge and 
 experience of the various classes of life with which he was 
 
 ' " On the Town !" A man of the World. A person supposed to have 
 a general knowledge of men and manners. In short, UP to everything/ 
 
YOUNG LOGIC, AN OXONIAN. loi 
 
 continually in the habit of mixing, made a deep impression 
 upon the youthful imagination of Corinthian Tom ; more 
 especially as the latter had scarcely heard anything but the 
 sound maxims laid down by his father, and the cold routine 
 discipline of his tutor, for his future progress in life. The 
 light and airy mode of expression which invariably flowed 
 from the tongue of Logic, stole so imperceptibly into the 
 favour of Corinthian Tom, that he drank largely of the intoxi- 
 cating draught before he was aware of its delusive consequences. 
 Trifles were dressed up with such extreme elegance, and frail- 
 ties were disposed of with so much pleasantry, as mere matters 
 of course, — incidental to human nature, — that anything like 
 criminality was never thought of. Pleasure was the word — 
 gaiety the pursuit — and Logic's meridian, the beau monde. 
 
 The contrast of characters was so great, and the attractions 
 so powerful, that Tom might be said to be placed between two 
 magnets. To the parental and manly advice which had been 
 so frequently bestowed upon him, aided by the solidity of 
 deportment with which it was accompanied, Tom, it should 
 seem, was by no means insensible; nay more, he felt trem- 
 blingly alive to its force and consequences. From its frequent 
 repetition, however, its once strong effect was visibly obliterat- 
 ing from his memory. It was the same thing over and over 
 again. Tom, with the levity of youth, thought he had got all 
 his father's maxims by heart ; and they grew tiresome ^ to him, 
 
 ^ Something after the manner of that inimitable comedian, Mr LisiON, 
 in the character of Gaby Grim, in the laughable farce of " We fly by 
 Nwht; OB, Long Stories." General Bastion, Grim's master, who had 
 gone blind in the service of his country, was very fond of relating the 
 exploits of his youth over and over again, and invariably commenced 
 his story with " When I was a Lieutenant in the 43d EegimCnt of Foot, 
 in the year of our Lord, Anno Domini, at the siege of," &c. &c. Orim, 
 
102 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 in being continually thrast, as it were, upon his attention. 
 How different were the recitals of LOGIG ! With ToM, they 
 operated upon his feelings like the anticipation of a pleasing 
 journey, wherein he saw a fresh country, abounding with new 
 scenes and prospects, with different manners and customs, and 
 in which an intimate acquaintance might be gained with its 
 inhabitants. This raised his curiosity to the higest pitch ; and 
 he panted with all the anxiety of a true sportsman in pursuit 
 of game upon a new manor, or one eager to join in the pleasures 
 of the chase. 
 
 Hitherto ToM had been restrained by the word of his father, 
 and the influence that his mother possessed over him. He 
 submitted to their advice without much reluctance; and 
 various pleasures were abandoned, when suggestions were made 
 to him of their being improper. But his acquaintance with 
 Logic had rendered this restraint for the first time somewhat 
 painful ; admonitions now began to grow irksome, and were 
 less attended to — and he imagined he was capable' of tlmildnrj 
 for himself, by falling into the too-much-to-be-lamented general 
 error of youth, that his own opinion was equally as good as 
 the experience of his parents. Tom, it apjiears, would often 
 draw comparisons between the situations of himself and his 
 friend LOGIC. LOGIC had no parents to call him to account for 
 his levity of character, nor relatives to remonstrate vdth him 
 on the impropriety of his conduct. The dbitd, only, was before 
 Logic, and not the consideration of the consequences that 
 might follow. Perfectly free ia body and mind, he gave full 
 
 who was always in attendance upon tlie blind General, it seems, grew so 
 tired of his stories, that he frequently fell asleep ; and on Onm's being 
 called to account for his want of attention when his master's daughter 
 eloped, he observed, that he had got them all by heart, having heard them 
 a thousand times, and could not keep awate. 
 
YOUNG LOGIC, AN OXONIAN. 103 
 
 scope to his imagiaation ; and the committal of many errors, 
 perhaps, might have heen saved, had some friendly monitor 
 been near him, to point out the evils likely to occur from such 
 a carelessness of disposition. 
 
 That Logic possessed numerous good qualities was never 
 denied — but his mode of life caused him to be considered by 
 many persons as a dangerous companion for youth. His con- 
 versation was so extremely fascinating, and his amours and 
 adventures were related with such sjDirit and talent — calculated 
 much rather to excite a sort of stimulus among his companions 
 to similar achievements, than to operate at all as a check to 
 such immoral and vicious propensities. It was in this pomt 
 of view, that TOM experienced the general failing of human 
 nature, which few men have sufficient strength of mind to 
 conquer, — va. imagining the situation of others much happier 
 than their own. The exterior of men of fashion so dazzles 
 and deludes the unwary, that even their most ridiculous foibles 
 are looked upon ZBfaslmnable, and copied with as much accuracy, 
 as if they were beauties, — at the expense of men of better judg- 
 ment. 
 
 Logic was looked up to as a complete hero in affairs of 
 gallantry, and his companions endeavoured to imitate his 
 manners and style. Tom, who had not before been intimate 
 with a person of similar habits, took him as a kind of model, 
 and would often exclaim — " What a happy fellow Bob 
 Logic is, in having no person to control or break in upon 
 his pursuits and incKnations ! " 
 
 Notwithstanding this exclamation of ToM, it is but justice 
 to remark, that no child ever loved or respected his parents 
 better than he was wont to doj or, perhaps, felt more 
 
104 LIFE IN LONDON: 
 
 forcibly persuaded, that no expense or exertions had been 
 spared to improve his education or render him happy; in 
 fact, he was theii' idol, being the only son left out of a 
 numerous family. The smallest alteration in his health, 
 created a thousand anxieties on their part; and if at any 
 time he stayed out an hour later than usual, they were in a 
 perpetual state of alarm, lest some accident might have 
 befallen him, — till his return to them once more produced 
 comfort and happiness. 
 
 Tom was fast advancing to manhood, and these tender 
 cares, which had once proved so pleasing to his feelings, 
 became now somewhat oppressive. His acquaintances were 
 growing more numerous, and diversified in their notions ; and 
 the continual company of his parents was not quite so 
 congenial as formerly, — which they perceived with no small 
 degree of concern. ToM was also fast relaxing from that 
 discipline of habit which had been imposed upon him ; and 
 he frequently remonstrated with much warmth, when checked 
 for a deviation from his hitherto general line of conduct. It 
 had often been perceived, amidst all his regularity of behaviour, 
 that ho had a great thirst for company, and mixing more 
 generally with society ; but having a strict tutor, and being 
 under the immediate eye of his father, this propensity was 
 in a great measure suppressed, though not entirely eradicated 
 from his composition. The correctness of his father upon aU 
 occasions, and the impressive amiability of his mother, had 
 long restrained his natural inclination from displaying itself 
 in those conspicuous colours in which it would have burst 
 forth, had he been differently situated. But a number of his 
 little foibles, from the great partiality of his father and mother 
 towards their darhug boy, it seems, had escaped their notice ; 
 and the extension of his acquaintance ultimately produced 
 
YOUNG LOGIC, AN OXONIAN. 105 
 
 quite a revolution in his fonner scholastic ideas and habits. 
 Indeed, so much, that the modest and diffident Tom at 
 length began to assume an easy confidence, his embarrassment 
 was fast leaving him, and he entered into company with a firm 
 and prepossessing elegance. 
 
 Time rolled on fast and pleasantly; and as ToM and his 
 friend Logic were almost continually together, scarcely any 
 space could be allotted, even if it had been wished, for reflec- 
 tion. Indeed, the life of the latter might be said to exist only 
 in one continued round of pleasure and enjoyment; and he 
 would often good-humouredly tell Tom, in the Oxford phrase- 
 ology, that he would soon get out of the Land of Slieepishness, 
 and also get the better of Pwpil's Straits. That, ultimately, 
 Tom would not be troubled with Dad's will. A Neiv Guinea 
 would likewise give him pleasures beyond description ; and 
 Logic, in concluding his remarks, observed, with a smile, 
 "My dear Tom, you will then be a happy fellow, and only 
 have to beware of the Fields of Temptation ! " 
 
 However, in the midst of Corinthian Tom's pleasures, he 
 received an unexpectedly severe shock from the death of his 
 father, which shook him to the very centre. The recollection 
 of all his father's kindness towards him, — the anxiety and 
 industry of his parent, which had been manifested throughout 
 the whole of his career, in realising a splendid fortune for him, 
 — now burst upon Tom's feelings with redoubled severity; 
 even his dashing friend Logic, for a time, was entirely for- 
 gotten in the paroxysms of his grief. Indeed, it was an epoch 
 in his fate, that could not be passed over as a mere matter of 
 course, when it was recollected, that the entrance into life of 
 these two characters was marked with some trifling shades of 
 difference. The son participated in the pleasures of a splendid 
 
I o6 LIFE IN L ONDON. 
 
 establishment, with a fortune more affluent than fell to the 
 lot of many Noblemen, to gratify and foster his aspiring 
 genius j while his FATHER, on the contrary, had gradually 
 quitted the threshold of dependence, and, by perseverance, 
 had mounted step by step, till he shook off his obscurity, and 
 reached the summit of his wishes. He had realised a noble 
 independence — performed one of the most important offices in 
 the state — become the founder of a family — and without 
 troubling the Herald's Office to pore over their musty records, 
 or to cudgel their " inventive brains " to supply honours for 
 his son with whidi to decorate his armorial bearings, his 
 posthumous fame supplied Tom with an incitement, never in 
 himself to sully his reputation, by forgetting the integrity, 
 virtue, and benevolence of his deceased parent. 
 
 The mother of Corinthian Tom, who had died some little 
 time previous to his father, was in many respects the exact 
 counterpart of her amiable partner ; and although not so pro- 
 minent a figure upon the canvass as either the " Oli or young 
 Tom," yet she could not be viewed in any other light, than as 
 a most interesting PORTRAIT. An accurate likeness was not 
 easily obtained, as it was one of those rare pictures, which are 
 only now and then to be met with, and that seldom occurs for 
 an artist to paint. A cursory view of this portrait, perhaps, 
 might not cause any particular attraction ; yet when its owner, 
 who, from long possession, had been able to acquire a perfect 
 knowledge of each various shade and dehghtful tint, expatiated 
 upon its beauties, the beholder felt the most animated admira- 
 tion. Although the face did not possess the unrivalled charms 
 of a Venus — nor could the eyes boast of celestial blue — the 
 nose was not aquiline — the lips were far removed from rubies 
 — the teeth displayed no peculiar whiteness — the cheeks did not 
 vie with roses — and her figure altogether was different from 
 
YOUNG LOGIC, AN OXONIAN. 107 
 
 what a statuary -would have chosen for a model ; yet, notwith- 
 standing, the tout ensemble was most truly pleasing. If her 
 face was not gifted with those extraordinary requisites neces- 
 sary to constitute a perfect beauty, yet it was not destitute of 
 those fine traits, which are even more heautiful than beauty 
 itself. In the happiness of her husband, affection strongly 
 manifested itself; and in rearing a numerous offspring, her 
 countenance displayed the fond and anxious tnotlier in a most 
 conspicuous light. The tale of the distressed, likewise, never 
 failed to awaken the marks of a feeling and charitable mind. 
 Such were the parents of Corinthian Tom, and such was the 
 origin of which he had to boast. 
 
 WBy all this toil for triumphs of an hour ? 
 What, though we wade in wealth or soar in fame. 
 Earth's highest station ends in— here he lies ! 
 And dust to dust concludes her noblest song. 
 
 None of my readers, I feel assured, will complain of a loss 
 of time, in witnessing Tom shed a few drops of sensibUity over 
 the remains of the authors of his existence,^ whose lives were 
 
 ^ This conduct of Corinthian Tom is somewhat different from that of 
 a person well known in a peculiar walk of society in the Metropolis. He 
 is the son of a gentleman, distinguished for his reputation, liberality, and 
 talents, and who very fcelincily wrote a letter to his father, stating " that 
 IP HE THOUGHT HE WAS THE SON OF SUCH A MAN, HE WOULD INSTANTLY 
 CUT HIS THROAT ! " thus endeavouring to proclaim his MOTHER also an 
 infamous character I The situation of his parents is not to be depicted — 
 words cannot portray it ; but the father, after giving vent to his grief and 
 indignation, placed this written character under the portrait of his most 
 beloved wife, whose virtuous conduct and disposition defied all censure. 
 The female alluded to did not long survive this event, but departed this 
 life broken-hearted; and the distracted husband has ever since, in the 
 severity of his studies, endeavoured to banish from his mind that he was 
 ever the father of such a son. All attempts at reconciliation have failed ; 
 and the above portrait, to this day, remains in his study, with the son's 
 
io8 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 devoted solely towards promoting his happiness, and placing 
 him on an eminence even among the highest walks of society. 
 
 For the tear that bedews SciisibilUy's shrine, 
 Is a drop of more worth than all Bacchus's tun ! 
 
 character attached to it. It ought to he observed, that the above young 
 gentleman received a superior education at the expense of his father, and 
 was brought up in tlie tendorest manner ; a rebuke, however, from his 
 parent, upon his deviation from supporting his character in life, was the 
 origin of this unnatural letter. 
 
CHAPTER VI. 
 
 A Word or two respecting " Architects of their own 
 Fortunes." Tom oztt of his Leading-Strings. Poetic In- 
 vocation to the Pleasures of Life. His hurried Entrance 
 into all Classes of Society. A few additional Touches of the 
 Author towards finishing Tom's Likeness. The Impression 
 Tom made upon the Town. Acquirement of his Title. A 
 slight Glance at Tom's Choice of a Female — Corinthian 
 Kate. 
 
 IN the splendid Metropolis of England tliere arc numerous 
 persons, who are termed the " ArcJdtects of tlieir own For- 
 tunes."^ They have toiled incessantly throughout the whole of 
 
 ^ The acquirement of that immense brewery, which belonged to the 
 late Mr Theale, the former husband of the present Mrs Piozzi (a lady 
 highly distinguished for her literary talents), as related by Dr Johnson, is 
 an anecdote well worthy the perusal of every person who feels any sort of 
 anxiety to raise himself in society. Mr Thrale, to his great praise be it 
 remembered, had but a salary of twelve shillings a week in the above largo 
 establishment, for many years after he had arrived at a state of manhood. 
 His talents, however, enabled him to purchase that immense brewery. 
 He also had a family of twelve children, which were brought up in the 
 first style of elegance, and to whom, at his death, he left very large for- 
 tunes. Another instance of an enterprising mind is to be discovered in 
 the person of the present Mr Rothschild, who, from being a clerk in a 
 mercantile house in Manchester, has, in the course of a few fleeting years, 
 risen so rapidly in point of wealth, as to have been enabled to take the 
 whole of a Government loan of five millions without assistance from any 
 
1 1 o LIFE IN L ONDOlSr. 
 
 their lives ; they have borne the severest privations without a 
 murmur; and by their industry and perseverance have sur- 
 mounted almost giant-Uke difficulties, and ultimately accom- 
 plished the grand object in view — A LAEGE FORTUNE. It has 
 often been the subject of sincere regret^ that such persons, 
 with very few exceptions, have lived just long enough, accord- 
 ing to a vulgar phrase, to fill their pipe, and leave others to 
 enjmj it.^ Just so with the father of Corinthian Tom. The 
 
 other house : a circumstance never before accomplished by an individual. 
 It is said, Mr Rothschild is worth three millions of money. He has, like- 
 wise, most extensive establishments in France, Holland, Germany, and 
 Spain. Indeed, he may be considered as the first monied man in the 
 world. It ought not to be forgotten that Mr Eothschild is one of the 
 first, also, in support of all public charities. It is likewise worthy of 
 remark, that the present Ldke Hansabd, Esq., the Printer to the House 
 of Commons, treading in the steps of Mr Thrale, has equally distinguished 
 himself. This immense literary establishment has been realised by Mr 
 Luke Hansard, from his never-tiring industry alone ! He arrived in 
 Loudon without a patron, — nay more, without a friend. With the world 
 only before him as a guide to his future exertions, he has performed an 
 Herculean attempt. Mr H. has also brought up a large family. His 
 talents, as an expeditious printer, are so great, as to be without a rival. 
 The House of Commons, for the last twenty-five years, have acknowledged 
 the accuracy and expedition he has displayed, with the highest encomiums 
 on his exertioris. The above facts are introduced merely to show wliat 
 DAS and wliat mat be done with perseverance. Indeed, the Metropolis 
 pouits out many great men in this respect — and surely such conduct is 
 entitled to the term of great: volumes would not suflace to detail hmo 
 many vast fortimes in London have been originated. 
 
 •^ I am aware that some of my readers of a higher class of society, may 
 feel, or seem to think, that I have introduced a little too much of the 
 slang ; but I am anxious to render myself perfectly intelligible to aU 
 parties. Half of the world are up to it; and it is my intention. to make 
 the other haK down to it. Life in London demands this sort of demon- 
 stration. A kind of cant phraseology is current from one end of the 
 Metropohs to the other. Indeed, even in the time of Lord Chesterfield 
 he complained of it. In gome females of the highest rank, it is as strongly 
 
TOM OUT OF ms LEADING-STRINGS. HI 
 
 whole of his life was dedicated to realizing an immense fortune, 
 — ^whUe the whole existence of Tom was employed in spending 
 it. This it was that gave^rise to the expression of Tom's 
 having been "lorn with a silver spoon in his mouth," — mentioned 
 in a preceding chapter. 
 
 CoRiNTHiAii Tom had now arrived at the summit of his 
 wishes ; he had no check-string upon his inclinations — a plenti- 
 ful fortune to gratify every propensity — a constitution in full 
 
 marked, as in dingy draggled-tailed Sall, who is compelled to dispose of a 
 few sprats to turn an honest penny : and while the latter in smacking her 
 lips, talks of her prime jacTcey, an out-androiit concern, and a hit of good 
 truth, &o., the former, in her dislikes, tossing her head, observes, it was 
 slwcldng, quite a iore, beastly, stuff, &o. The Duchess at an Opera, informs 
 the Countess of " a row " which occurred on the last evening with as much 
 sang-froid as Caebottt Poll mentions the larh to a Coster-monger she was 
 engaged in, at a gin-spinner's, and, in being turned out of the panny, got 
 her ogles took measure of for a suit of mourning. Therefore, some allow- 
 ance must be made for an author who is compelled to write under a 
 subdued tone of expression, in order to keep his promise* with the 
 public,— that " the Modest, it is trusted, will not have occasion to turn 
 aside with disgust, nor the Mokaiist to shut the book offended." In fact, 
 in many instances, the language of real Life is so very strong, coarse, and 
 even disgusting, that, in consequence of keeping the above object in view, 
 the points of many a rich scene are in great danger of being nearly frittered 
 away; nay, of being almost reduced to tameness and insipidity. My 
 ingenious friends, EoBBET and Geoege Cbuikshank, whose talents in 
 representing " the living manners as they rise," stand unrivalled in this 
 peculiar line, feel as strongly impressed with the value of delicaey as I do. 
 But if some of the plates should appear rather warm, the purchasers of 
 " Life in London " may feel assured, that nothing is added to them 
 tending to excite, but, on the contrary, they have most anxiously, on all 
 occasions, given the preference rather to " extemtate " than to " set down ■ 
 aught in malice." All the Plates are the exact representations, as they 
 occurred, of the various classes of society. 
 
 * The Prospectus. 
 
1 1 2 LIFE IN L ONDON: 
 
 vigour — and a disposition as lively and as gay as a disciple of 
 Mirth could wish it; in short, he completely answered the 
 description of the poet : — , 
 
 Parent of Pleasuke aud of many a groan, 
 I should ba loth to part with thee, I own, 
 
 Deak Life ! 
 To tell the truth, I 'd rather lose a wife, 
 Should Heav'n e'er deem me worthy of possessing 
 That best, that most invaluable blessing. 
 
 I thank thee that thou brought'st me into 'bziwj ; 
 The things of this our world are well worth scdn//, 
 
 And, let me add, moreover, well worth feeling ; 
 Then what the devil would people have. 
 These gloomy hunters of the grave. 
 
 For ever sighing, groaning, canting, kneeUng. 
 
 Some wish they never had been bom, how odd ! 
 To see the handy works of God, 
 
 In sun, and moon, and starry sky ; 
 Though last, not least, to see sweet woman's charms, — 
 Nay more, to clasp them in our arms, 
 
 And pour the soul iu love's delicious sigh. 
 Is well worth coming for, I 'm sure, 
 Sujiposing that thou gav'st us nothing more. 
 
 Yet, thus surrounded, Life, dear Life, I 'm thine. 
 And, could I always call thee mine, 
 
 I would not quickly bid this world farewell ; 
 But whether HERB, or long or SHOUT my stay, 
 I '11 keep iu mind for ev'ry day 
 
 An old French motto, " jiive la hayatelU .'"■ 
 
 Misfortunes are this lott'ry-world's sad blanks ; 
 Presents, in my opinion, not worth thanks. 
 The PLEASURES are the twenty-thousand prizes. 
 Which nothing but a downright ass despises. 
 
 Logic had let his friend indulge himself in all the luxury of 
 grief before he made his bow or offered any sort of condolence 
 
TOM OUT OF HIS LEADING-STRINGS. 
 
 "3 
 
 on the loss he had experienced. At length he left his card^ — 
 and a messenger was soon despatched after him.^ Sorrow 
 was on the wane, and ToM had sincerely performed all the 
 duties required from an affectionate son. The " tdie /or ev&ry- 
 tliing " had also passed away. Pleasure now knocked at his 
 gate for admittance. — Mirth likewise waited in the hall to 
 obtain an audience. — Fun was in attendance for his turn to 
 pay respect to Tom. — Messrs Sprees and Rambles were only 
 waiting for the signal to be q^— and I' argent was in readiness 
 to put movements and life into the whole of the group, 
 previous to starting. 
 
 Tom, under the influence of Logic, it should seem, proved 
 
 laS'E&S" ^'^ 
 
 ALBANY. 
 
 ^, 
 
 No. g. 
 
 On the back of the ahoyo card was writteu : — 
 Dear Tom, 
 Bob 's alive t But you had nearly lost your friend last night, as I 
 was cast-away after taking in a good cargo at the Isle of Bishop. * I was 
 rather iosky, and could not manage the lielm at all, and must have foun- 
 dered had it not been for the assistance of a pilot,\ who safely towed me 
 into the light-house.X 
 " Dear Bob, 
 
 Tom 's afloat I and will soon Set sail. You must have more hallast 
 a-board next voyage. Be quick, Bob. Tcmpus fugit / 
 
 * A phrase amoDg the Collegians at Oxford for getting joMy over port wine and roasted 
 oranges and lemons, 
 t A watchman. * AVatch-house. 
 
 H 
 
114 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 himself an apt scholar indeed ; and the pupil, it is said, in a 
 very short time out-stripped his Master. The Lani of 
 Sheepishmss, as LOGIO termed it, -was now out of sight ; and 
 Tom, he observed, had -weathered Pupil's Straits -with great 
 success. In short, TOM appeared determined to bring up his 
 lee way, as the sailors express it, with a wet sail; or, was 
 rather more like a bird that had escaped from its cage. 
 There was no discrimination at his onset. All places, both 
 high and low, were visited by ToM in such rapid succession, 
 that anything like their merits or demerits were out of the 
 question. The ardour too with which he pursued his career, 
 astonished every one ; and Logic was at length not only so 
 dead beat as to be compelled to cry for quarter, but to seek a 
 temporary retirement, in order to renovate his constitution. 
 
 Tom, however, did not require the aid of a Gentleman- 
 Usher to announce him to the Upper Walks of Life. His 
 splendid fortune had now been buzzed about from one end of 
 the to^vn to the other ; and wherever he went, that circum- 
 stance alone was weighty''- enough to give him attraction even 
 in the highest circles of society. But it was not from the 
 length of his purse, that Tom obtained his notoriety. He 
 possessed genius and talents, backed by an understanding 
 that operated upon his mind Uke a rallying-post, whenever 
 his senses got into disorder. His genius, however, was 
 rather of a different sort from that possessed by a Squire 
 
 ^ Robin RougJiliead. First, then, you must know tliat I 'm the cleverest 
 fellow in all these parts. 
 
 DoUy. Well, I know'd that afore ! 
 
 Robin. But I 'U tell you how it is — it 's because I 'm the richest fellow 
 in all these parts ; and if I hav'nt it here {pointing to his head), I have it 
 HERE {slapping his pocket), — Fortune's Frolics. 
 
TOM OUT OF HIS LEADING-STRINGS. 115 
 
 Groom •j'^ and his talents were of a higher cast than those 
 evinced by a Charles Goldfincli;^ although he was quite as 
 au fait in describing the merits of a horse-race, as either of 
 these two celebrated heroes of the Turf. 'His understanding 
 was not made up of technicalities and precedents — it was not the 
 lorrowed light of some sensible and learned companion, nor did 
 it consist in retailing the sentences and maxims belonging to 
 another person. No ; his understanding was intuitive — its 
 corner-stone was COMMON SENSE — and its application, Tom 
 found, in mo,st cases, was of so decisive a nature, as scarcely 
 ever to call for a reverse of judgment. Most certainly, his 
 claims to attraction did not rest on the casual advantages of 
 inheritance. Corinthian Tom derived them from a higher 
 source. 
 
 Nature had undoubtedly marked him as one of her favour- 
 ites, and gifted him with some of her rarest qualities. She 
 had bestowed on him an uncommonly fine person, the elegance 
 of which was prepossessing in the highest degTee. A face, if 
 the term of very handsome did not belong to it, which was 
 illumined with the brightest rays of intelligence, portraying an 
 opemiess of countenance, that indicated its owner possessed of 
 a generous and sensible rmmd. An eye which, while it pene- 
 trated almost the inmost recesses of the object before it, was 
 completely free from that sort of disdain which too often 
 accompanies high birth and pretensions, — with a mildness 
 overspreading the whole, at once disarming and interesting 
 the spectator. Indeed, his whole HEAD was such, that though 
 it might not be worshipped, in the vast extent of the Metropolis, 
 
 ^ I can't write ; but I tell you what I '11 do ; I 'U poison her parrot, and 
 cut off her Bquirrel's tail, dem me. — Love a-la-Mode. 
 
 ^ A gentleman like me — a useful member of society 1— bet the long 
 odds ; nobody ever heard of such a thing. — Rodd to Rain. 
 
1 1 6 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 yet was of that class, that, meet it wherever you might among 
 other HEADS, however surrounded by importance of situation, 
 you could not contemijlate it with indifference. It fastened 
 upon your fancy ; and if ever comparison came across your 
 argument, it stole upon your remembrance with the emphasis 
 of its fine and expressive character. It has been remarked, 
 that the xvig placed upon the head of the Counsellor gives im- 
 portance to his station ; while the Divine often acquires a 
 degree of solemnity, by such an' addition to his person. The 
 Player, likewise, imposes upon the audience from the numerous 
 revolutions which his head assumes. But this HEAD required 
 no artificial aid to make it irtvpressive ; it was all character. In- 
 deed, it was wholly indebted to Nature, who had worked it 
 up in her best manner. She had also bestowed upon it some 
 of those exquisite touches, which render her works so beautiful 
 and varied, and confer a superiority on her compositions which 
 art can never attain. Gaiety enriched the harmony of its 
 features, and never left its situation for an instant, except to 
 give place to the greater ornament of feeling. In short, 
 Corinthian Tom's exterior was the theme of universal admira- 
 tion, and its effect was considerably increased by his interesting 
 depmiimnt. United, he never failed to impress his beholders 
 with the conviction, that his attractions were far above medio- 
 crity, and demanded for him a degree of consideration and re- 
 spect, that must always cause him to appear CONSPICUOUS. 
 
 Tom's box at the Opera caused many a languishing eye and 
 j)alpitating heart to wander towards its elegant owner. His 
 stroll through the Theatres caused a different sensation amons 
 another class of females, and no lures were neglected to decoy 
 and entrap him. In the Parks, Tom was the GO among the 
 " GOES ! " His peep into the Stews was merely en passant ; and 
 the knowing, enticing. Mother Dish-m/s something " new" 
 
TOM UT OF HIS LEADING-STRINGS. 1 1 7 
 
 was tried on in vain to " have the best" of our Hero only for 
 a single darlcey ! Upon his descending into the Hells, if he 
 did not prove himself as troublesome an inmate as the dramatic 
 Don Giovanni, or possess the icy qualities of Signer Antonelli, 
 the fire eater and hornpipe dancer upon red-hot iron bars, he 
 nevertheless had found out the secret, — •which, if it did not 
 altogether prevent him from being scorched a little, yet saved 
 him from being lurnt tu death ! At Ne'wmarket, Epsom, and 
 Doncaster Eaces, Tom was viewed as the tidip of the turf He 
 not only took the shine out of the Prime Oius at Tattersall's, 
 but his 7wd for decision of judgment was the jiat of taste. In 
 showing himself at the Fives Court, all the peepers of the Farucy 
 were on the stretch to ogle his beau-ideal form and appearance. 
 At Moulsey Hurst he sported his Uunt with all the confidence 
 of " Carlton House to a Charley's Shelter," on his favourite 
 pugilist. At Almack's, Lord Stair,^ in his best days, could 
 not have acquitted himself with more grace, politeness, and 
 elegance, than did CORINTHIAN TOM ; and viewed as an 
 amateur, De Hayes, Vestris, or Oscar Byrne, did not eclipse 
 him. At the Dog Pit, his judgment respecting the canine 
 race was so clear, that even Bill Gibbon's and Caleb Baldwin 
 yielded the palm to him without a shrug of the shoulder or a 
 sneer upon their miigs. In short, there was no place that could 
 afford the sUghtest touch of pleasure and amusement, from 
 .B^MC^Za^es to the Royal Institution and Outinian ^ Lectures, 
 
 1 When the Earl of Stair was at the court of that distinguished monarch, 
 Louis XIV., he was pronounced to be the most accomplished man in 
 Europe. 
 
 ^ This word is derived from the Greek pronoun ovris, nobody, of which 
 the genitive ia ovrims. The origin of this institution appeared very much 
 to please ConraTHiAN Toil, and he spoke of it in terms of the highest 
 satisfaction. The idea of what is every-hODY'S business being No-body's 
 business is here demonstrated in lectures of considerable talent, elegantly 
 
n8 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 but what was ransacked again and again, — till finding any- 
 thing " new " was hopeless. 
 
 The unigm appearance of our Hero, at all times, — his corres- 
 ponding vehicles, — his elegant high-bred cattle, — and his ser- 
 vants, displayed such a unity of mind and taste, that he was 
 christened by the Beau Monde, CORINTHIAN TOM. In 
 fact, his set-out altogether was of so fascinating a description 
 that he had no competitor in the ranks of fashion. The coach 
 and harness-makers took him for a model, and were upon the 
 alert in copying all his designs. Tom could teach his tailor 
 with as much ease the advantages of an elegant ^i, as he could 
 fjoint out to his coachmaker the true principles of taste. It 
 was his Mind that made him a leader in the upper circles, 
 seconded by his eye, which might be called microscopic, as he 
 viewed everything with a critical severity. In all that he did, 
 he was pronounced out-and-out. 
 
 Notwithstanding all this high-sounding praise, which TOM 
 
 written, and which are also delivered with much emphasis and eloquence. 
 And however singular to relate, yet such is the fact, that 1^0-hody's busi- 
 ness is performed at the Outinian Ikstitution by SOME-hody, who has 
 not only a head and a heart, but a purse attached to it, in the cause and 
 service of mankind. Most certainly it should be EVERY-Joi%'5 business, 
 if possible, to lend a hand towards the improvement of society, — which 
 iVb-BODT, till now, seemed inclined to put in practice. This paradox 
 however, is put to rest by the OnnNiANS taking up this moat laudable 
 cause, with spirit of mind, energy of talent, and great liberality as to 
 expenses. The visitants are of the highest order in society; who are also 
 supplied with refreshments gratuitously. The Institution, which is held 
 in the founder's house, it seems, also originated with him : a gentleman 
 more distinguished for his general philanthropy and benevolence of char- 
 acter, than even for the possession of immense wealth and splendid estab- 
 lishments. 
 
TOM OUT OF HIS LEADING-STRINGS. 119 
 
 realised in Ms pursuit of " suing lAfe ! " it seems, he felt a 
 considerable vacuum without the society of some superior female. 
 He entertained the idea that his character was not altogether 
 complete, without having such a tender companion to occupy 
 and interest his leisure moments. 
 
 Sweet Ntmph of rosy cheek and sprightly mien, 
 Who, vagrant, playful, on the hills art seen. 
 
 E'er Sol illumines the gray world below ; 
 Wow, doe-hke, skipping wild from vale to vale, 
 Enamour'd of the rills and freah'ning gale. 
 
 From whose mild wing the streams of fragrance flow. 
 
 Oh ! 'midst those hills and vales contented stray, 
 Thou wilt he ruin'd if thou com'st away, 
 
 Doctors, too much like man-traps, lie in wait ; 
 They '11 tell thee, heauteous nymph, ten thousand MeS, 
 That they can mend thy bloom, and sparkling eyes ; — 
 
 Avoid, avoid, my dear, the dangerous halt I 
 
 Like the first woodcock of the year. 
 The instant that he dares appear. 
 
 The country 's up to kill him — dog and gun ! 
 So when thou showest, nymph, thy rosy face, 
 I gee at once an ^sculapian chase ; 
 
 And, oh ! IP caught, thou viUt not find it FUN '• 
 
 But the difficulty of selecting a female to correspond with 
 his critical ideas of taste and elegance, so as not to reduce the 
 reputation he had acquired in the Beau Monde, was not to be 
 viewed as a mere matter of course : indeed, it was very far 
 from anythiag like routine to ToM. Numbers were not want- 
 ing, it appears, out of which he might have made a choice. 
 But it was an article that could not be ordered according to 
 any particular pattern, — neither was it the sort of Smithfield 
 bargain HEROINE, that was to be taken with all her faults, at a 
 certain price. No; it was a being the very counterpart of 
 himself that he wanted ; one who seemed to feel, or pretended 
 
I20 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 to feel, intuUively upon all the subjects of taste and elegance. 
 One, also, who gave a character to all her actions. This was 
 the sort of almost fairy creature that he wished to fill up the 
 little vacancy he had left, and give iclat to lais curricle. It 
 was after the manner of the poet : — 
 
 Sure such a pair were never seen, 
 So justly form'd to meet by nature. 
 
 But, to a mind like Tom's, difficulties were only to bo opposed 
 to be conquered ; and as the proverb informs us, every Jack 
 has his Jill, so Corinthian Tom liberally admitted the truth 
 of its latitude to the fullest extent. He set out with all the 
 ardour of a Don Quixote, although without a lance or a target, 
 in quest of this beloved heroine of his fincly-'\\TOUght imagina- 
 tion. Tom was a host in himself, and required not the aid 
 of a Sancho Panm to second his efforts. The Paradise of the 
 West soon stopped his career, — and his penetrating eye, like 
 a staunch pointer, made a dead set at the object that crossed 
 his path. He could not leave it. He was entranced, as it 
 were, on the spot. The beauty and style of the Fair One even 
 exceeded his anticipation : and, like a true sportsman, his 
 shots told, and the prize was borne off in triumph. 
 
 Let me confess that beauty is delicious : 
 
 To clasp it in our arms is nice — but vicious : 
 
 That is to say, unlawful hugs — caresses, 
 
 Which want those bonds which God Almighty blesses. 
 
 I do not say that we should not embrace : 
 
 We MAT — but then it should be done with grace : 
 
 The jlcsh should scarce be thought of — there 's the merit ; 
 
 Sweet are the palpitations of the spirit. 
 
 Woman 's a lovely animal, 'tis true, — 
 Too well, indeed, the lawless passions know it ; 
 
 Unbridled rogues, that wOd the charms pursue, — 
 And madly, with the scythe of RUIN", mow it I 
 
TOM OUT OF HIS LEADING-STRINGS. 1 2 1 
 
 Thus giving it of death the wicked wound, 
 
 A tender flow'r Btretch'd sweetly on the ground ! 
 
 Corinthian Tom might now be said to have arrived at his 
 grand climacteric. In matters of masculine taste and elegance 
 he was decidedly the hero of his day : and in his choice of a 
 female, his judgment, it was thought, had even outstripped his 
 previous outdoings. Upon her first appearance in the Park, 
 the Tinlcs not only sighed after her, but cast many a longing 
 — lingering look behind ; and even the ladies were compelled 
 to acknowledge her beauty, and join in the praises of her 
 delightfully fine Grecian form. ToM was the admiration and 
 envy of the Ton; and his clitrc amie the acknowledged Venus 
 de Medicis of the circle of the Elegantes ! The acwA was now 
 complete, — and the lovely Miss Catherine was soon distin- 
 guished by the denomination of COKINTHIAJS[ KATK 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 Corinthian Tom's Excesses render Rustication necessary. A 
 Visit to Hawthorn-Hall. Jerry Hawthorn's Introduc- 
 tion to Tom. Character of the latter. A Day's Sporting. 
 A Jollification at Hawthorn-Hall. Tom's descriptive Song 
 of the Metropolis. Jerry's Arrival in London. 
 
 Calmly let ME begin and end Life's chapter, 
 Ne'er panting for a HURRICANE of rapture ; 
 
 Calmly let ME walk — not riotous and jumping ; 
 With due decorum, let my heart. 
 Perform a sober quiet part, 
 
 Not at the ribs be ever bumping — bumping. 
 
 RAPTURE 'S a charger — often breaks his girt, 
 Runs off, and flings his rider in the dirt. 
 
 THE Poet's advice, it should seem, was not heeded by 
 Corinthian Tom : advice, indeed ! to a Sprig of Fashion, 
 just starting with four-in-hand, that did not value either turf 
 or turnpike, and who flattered himself that he could with his 
 whip take a fly off the tip of his leader's ear, Avith as much 
 nicety as the renowned William Tell shot the apple off his son's 
 head ] No, no : advice was out of the question. Heroes 
 give, not take it, — or wherein consists the Jiewism ? Tom 
 plunged into everything : he commenced his journey, as if 
 
yERR Y HA WTHORN.—A JOLLIFICA TION. 123 
 
 existence depended upon his celerity ; '^ and never stood still 
 till lie was dmd beat ! ^ 
 
 These violent delights have violent ends, 
 And in their triumph die, like fire and powder. 
 Which as they meet consume. 
 
 The grand secret, at length, unfolded itscK to Tom, that 
 " the Constitution," sooner or later, must be obeyed ; which, not 
 all the hints, caution, or advice, given to him by his acquaint- 
 ances, it seems, could effect. This high-mettled Corinthian 
 also found, that a little relaxation from his incessant " day 
 AND NIGHT SCENES" was absolutely necessary to his health. 
 It is true, Tom might have been such an expert charioteer, as 
 to have " got over the ground without breaking his neck ; " or, 
 as his friend Bob Logic good-naturedly observed to him, that 
 he also possessed nous enough to " loeather Pupil's Straits, with- 
 out being Mown up at Point Nonplus ! " Yet, with all his first- 
 rate talents towards perfection, he could not escape from the 
 haggard face, the squeamish appetite, and the debilitated 
 frame, which excess never fails to implant on the peep-d'-day 
 gay votary of Pleasure. Though our hero had not received 
 a positive notice to quit; ^ or even so much as the first of the 
 Three Warnings,* yet the token was sufficiently impressive 
 to remind him, that if the loose screiv ^ was not attended to, 
 
 ^ In the slang of the day, the phrase is, " Get over the ground if it 
 breaks your neck ! " 
 
 ^ "Dead 'beat!" or "heat to a standstill/ " Common phrases in the 
 Sporting World, when a man or a horse is so completely exhausted from 
 over-exertion, or the constitution breaking down, as to give up the object 
 in view, not being able to pursue it any further. 
 
 ' A cant phrase, applied to any individual who appears to be in a state 
 fast approaching towards dissolution. 
 
 * Mrs Thrale's celebrated tale. 
 
 ' A " loose screw,'' or a " screw loose : " i.e. meaning something wrong. 
 To such heroes as CoRlltTHlAN Tom, perfectly intelligible. 
 
124 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 the hinges would be ultimately out of repair. The old proverb 
 whispered to him, that a " stitch in time" might soon put all 
 to rights again ; and ToM, who had formerly laughed heartily 
 at the idea of Logic's retirement from the busy world, for a 
 few days, in order to renovate his frame, now felt that, with- 
 out the enjoyment of health,^ even pleasure itself not only 
 grows tiresome, but becomes painful. 
 
 Tom, however, was too fjama to acknowledge any sort of 
 alarm at this slight visiting of the i)enctralia ; but, finding 
 himself rather " out of sorts," as the phrase goes, called, as it 
 were, with a friendly " How do ye do," on the celebrated 
 Doctor Pleas'em. This dashing disciple of 2Esculapius, 
 though not exactly after the manner of Golman^s Doctor BoluSj 
 whose poetic talents raised his fame : 
 
 Apothecary's verse— and where 's the treason ? 
 
 'Tis simple honest dealing, not a crime, 
 Where patients swallow physio without reason, 
 
 'Tis but fair they should have a little rhyme. 
 
 Yet it was urged, that he nevertheless cured more persons by 
 his pleasing address than his prescriptions, however skilfully 
 applied. It was said of him, that his tongue had been his 
 fortune. Ho had talked his way through life to a good pur- 
 pose. He had not only procured himself a practice of ten 
 thousand pounds per annum, from the humble situation of an 
 apothecary ; but he had also gained for himself a Title ; — ^not 
 merely that of a " great Physkian," yet one that his heir could 
 enjoy without the slightest knowledge of physic. 
 
 ^ It was the opinion o£ Stekne, that the enjoyment of health was 
 MINETT-NINE blessings out of one hundred. " Grant me hut health, thou 
 great Bestower of it," says he, "and, if it seems good unto thy Divine 
 Providence, shower down thy Mitres upon those heads which are aching 
 for them." 
 
JERR y HA WTHORN.—A JOLLIFICA TION. 125 
 
 His fame for miles through all the squares ran, 
 
 In reputation none could exceed him : 
 The Belles and Beaus call'd him " a fine man ! " 
 
 His name was — " Doctor Pleas'em ! " 
 
 Indeed, so high was his skill in public estimation, that, upon 
 the slightest twitch of uneasiness, the Doctor was always 
 alongside the ^;Mfe« of royalty. No man, it is said, was better 
 read in the science of physiognomy than Doctor Pleas'em. 
 His maimers, too, were of so interesting a description, and his 
 affability and condescension so universal, that an individual 
 was half cured at the first visit. His penetration and know- 
 ledge of characters were so extensive, that he could distinguish 
 with the utmost facility, from a touch of the pulse, between a 
 vulgar plebeian habit of body, and the imaginary, refined, 
 elegant creature of the upper circles of society. United to his 
 other accomplishments, Doctor Pleas'em was also a man of 
 the world. His mansion was truly imposing ; the interior of 
 which, to have ^vitnessed, was quite a treat. It contained as 
 many rich presents from those patients who had been indebted 
 to his skill for a restoration to society, as would liave made a 
 distinct room to have been shown at Bullock's Museum. But 
 who would not have given a silver inkstand for the preserva- 
 tion of a beloved wife — or a golden cup to Doctor Pleas'em 
 for deceiving the grim King of Terrors, in carrying off a iefidcr 
 husband? The numerous coughs and slight indispositions 
 which he had removed in the Fashionable World, furnished 
 his tables with as much game as if he had been in the posses- 
 sion of several manors. The frequent dinners given by Doctor 
 Pleas'em were so excellent in their style, as to be the theme 
 of praise with all the epicures at the West End, although, in 
 himself, he was abstemious to a fault, and a staunch devotee 
 to regimen. In fact, so many great persons were under, or 
 thought themselves under, obligations to Doctor Pleas'em, 
 
126 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 for the numerous cures he had performed in their families, 
 that all his sons were provided with valuable official situations, 
 even without any solicitation on the part of the Doctor. 
 
 CoElNTHiAJSf Tom, in his gay career, it seems, had crossed 
 Doctor Pleas'em'S path several times, and the polite iwi had 
 passed between them as often as daylight, but nothing in the 
 counting ^ way had yet occurred ; and ToM wished it now to 
 appear, that he merely called, en passant, to inquire after the 
 health of the Doctor, and, in the course of conversation, 
 slightly to introduce the state of his own. The Doctor, who 
 was quite alive to these sort of visits, always kept anything 
 like alarm ^ from the minds of his visitors, never noticing any 
 alteration in their appearance, unless he was applied to in a 
 professional way. He was also totally different from many 
 others of the faculty, Avhose distinguished talents have placed 
 them in an eminent point of view, and who rudely tell indi- 
 viduals applying to them for relief, that nothing is the matter 
 with them ; and at other times, with equal abruptness, nay, 
 unfeelingly, reply, that relief is out of the question. No ! 
 Doctor Pleas'em was a hero of another school. He well knew 
 that, in the upper circles of society, illness was perfectly neces- 
 sary towards health ; and that it would be quite hat'harom to 
 
 ' Money matters are not alluded to in this instance, tut merely the 
 simple pulse. It, however, must be admitted, that hoth of them are feel- 
 ing suhjecte. 
 
 '^ An anecdote has been related by a medical man of celebrity, that an 
 individual in good health, but of a nervous habit of body, was frightened 
 to death, in consequence of a person meeting him, and observing, "he 
 looked so very ill, that it was much more requisite for him to be in bed 
 than out of doors." The individual aEuded to immediately fancied him- 
 self ill, took to his bed, and died accordingly. Numeroufl other instances 
 might be quoted, if necessary, in'the Metropolis. 
 
yERRY HA WTHORN.—A JOLLIFICA TION. 127 
 
 deprive any fashionable lady of the enjoyments resulting from 
 an elegant'^ indisposition. In short, it -was admitted on all 
 hands, that no person was so ■well acquainted with the various 
 species of ILLNESSES, from what is termed political, down to 
 the rlieumatiam in the slwulder,^ than Doctor Pleas'em. 
 
 Tom at length made his visit intelligible to the Doctor, 
 who was no stranger to the spirited career which his visitor 
 had been pursuing in the leau monde, and, with his usual 
 smiling ndiveU, told him. "he had been a Httle too rackety ; 
 or rather like a bird confined in a cage, who, finding his 
 door open, had flown about indiscriminately from bush to 
 tree, till it had scarcely any strength left to reach a sprig to 
 perch upon. Perhaps," added the Doctor (shaking Tom 
 by the hand), " I have been rather too severe in this remark ; 
 but, my dear friend, you stand in no need of the aid of physic. 
 A few days' rustication, and partaking of the enjoyment of the 
 sports of the field, will not only renovate the system, but you 
 will return to town with an increase of spirits. 
 
 Let isloth lie soft'ning till high noon in down, 
 Or, lolKng, fan her in the sultry town, 
 Unnerved with rest ; and turn her own disease. 
 Or foster others in luxurious ease ; 
 
 ^ This innocent stratagem, it is said, has often heen tried in the Fashion- 
 ahle World, to ascertain " of what weight and importance the individual 
 is held in the scales of society, from the numher of inquiries and cards 
 that are left respecting their health.'' 
 
 ^ In both of these disorders, it operates as a good ruse de guerre, if a 
 doctor only calls in the character of a friend. It also gives an effect to a 
 previous impression that might have been imposed upon the public. But 
 against the disciples of John Doe and Ricluxrd Roe, it has been known, in 
 several instances, to have put them off their guard, and allowed time for 
 an escape. 
 
1 28 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 I mount the couesee, call the deep-mouth'd HOUNDS. 
 
 The FOX, unkennell'd, flies to covert grounds ; 
 
 I lead where STAGS through tangled thickets tread, 
 
 And shake the saplings with their branching head ; i 
 
 I make the FALCONS wing their airy way. 
 
 And soar to seize, or, stooping, strike their prey. 
 
 To snare the FISH, I fix the lurking bait ; 
 
 To wound the FOWL, I load the gun with fate. 
 
 'Tis thus through change of exercise I range, 
 
 And strength and pleasure rise from every change. 
 
 Here beauteous HEALTH ! for all the year remain. 
 
 When the next comes, I'll charm thee thus again." 
 
 "Bravo, Doctor, that will do," exclaims Tom ; "there is 
 novelty in the sound. It is true, a few days in the country 
 will brace up the system ; my mind will also be engaged 
 with the diversity of scene and new characters ; and I shall 
 then return with the advantages of fresh vigour to enjoy the 
 jjleasures of Life in London. Besides, the experience I 
 have had will teach me not to push along so harem-scarem 
 as heretofore, but to pause a little, in order that I may ctdl 
 those sports which may appear the most acceptable and con- 
 genial to my desires." Tom had scarcely finished these 
 remarks, when he took a most friendly leave of Doctor 
 Pleas'em, highly delighted with his prescription; and, on 
 his way homo to Corinthian House, called in at the Albany, 
 to pay a visit to Bob Logic. Our hero explained the nature 
 of his journey into the country ; but Bob observed, he had 
 other game in view, and must therefore beg to decline, for the 
 present, accompanying his elegant friend in his rustication. 
 
 On Tom's arrival at Corinthian House, he immediately 
 repaired to his library, to look over the invitations which he 
 had received from his friends in the country, whenever he 
 might find it convenient to absent himself a few days from 
 
JERR y HA WTHORN.—A JOLLIFICA TION. 1 2 9 
 
 London ; but among the number he found two of a very 
 pressing nature from the Countess of Teumps and my Lord 
 Bumper. "It •will not do," says Tom, "to spend more than 
 a single day at his Lordship's seat, for there the remedy would 
 prove worse than the disease. His Lordship is a four-bottle 
 man, at least, and his principal enjoyment consists in chal- 
 lenging his company to keep pace with him, glass for glass, 
 till he sees the whole of his guests drop under the table, or 
 otherwise disposed of, and then exulting in the words of 
 Hippocrates : — 
 
 The only health to people hale and sound. 
 Is to have many a tippling health go round. 
 
 But the mansion of the Countess of Trumps was pro- 
 nounced by Tom to be even of a Avorse quality for a visitor 
 to encounter than Lord Bumper's CMteau. The dinners 
 given by the Countess to her guests, it was said, were 
 positively not to be excelled ; indeed, so much were they in 
 repute, that even the most fastidious epicure united in the 
 general praise, for the superiority of style with which they 
 were served up on all occasions. Tom maintained there was 
 only one little drawback against paying his respects to the 
 Countess of Trumps, which was, she played her cards so well, 
 that every mouthful taken by any of her visitors was sure to 
 cost them five guineas I 
 
 "I have it," cries ToM, "I will look for OU Hawthoen's 
 letter, which I received at the death of my father, but at that 
 painful moment I then hastily threw it by, having no leisure 
 or inclination to pay any attention to its contents. Mr Haw- 
 thorn was a brother of my mother's ; and I have often heard 
 my father speak of him as being one of the most generous and 
 best-hearted men of his day. If I am now fortunate enough to 
 
 I 
 
130 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 lay my hand upon it, from the shght recollection I have of Mr 
 Hawthorn's request to me, I shall most certainly embrace its 
 invitation to spend a few days at his farm." After rwmmaging 
 over a number of epistles, Tom's eye, at length, caught hold of 
 the letter in question, which, in aU probability, had it not been 
 searched after under the present peculiar circumstances, might 
 have remained unopened or unperused tiU doomsday. Tom 
 read the following lines with great eagerness and pleasure : — 
 
 " Hawthorn Hall. 
 " Dear Nephew, 
 
 " I am sincerely grieved, believe me, for the very 
 great loss you have sustained in the death of your worthy and honourable 
 father. He was one of my oldest friends and acquaintances : and it is but 
 justice to his memory to state that, through a long and meritorious life, I 
 never heard the slightest reproach levelled against his character. May 
 you, my dear Nephew, be like him in every respect. I cannot wish you 
 better. Whenever inclination suits, or when you can spare a few days 
 from town, no one, rest assured, will endeavour to make you more welcome, 
 comfortable, and happy, than I shall. If you are fond of hunting, shooting, 
 &c., we have plenty of it at your service. My son, Jerry, who I must 
 inform you, is a tightish clever sort of a lad enough, will be proud to wait 
 upon his cousin, I am sure, when you please to arrive at Hawthorn Hall, 
 which I hope will not be long first. 
 
 "Believe me, dear Nephew, 
 
 " Yours sincerely, 
 
 " Jebemiah Hawthorn." 
 
 Tom's sensibility was keenly touched, and the tear stood in 
 his eye, as he glanced over the disinterested character given 
 of his father by Old Hawthorn. All the scenes of gaiety and 
 fun, that it might be said he had plunged into almost headlong 
 since the death of his worthy sire, added to the great variety 
 of new acquaintances he had also formed, had not as yet 
 obliterated one tittle of that feeling and respect, whenever it 
 flashed across his recollection, which he had always entertained 
 for his dearly-beloved parent. Indeed, it had broke in upon 
 
JERR V HA WTHORN.—A JOLLIFICA TION. 13 1 
 
 his memory with redoubled affection and delight, and, in 
 the words of Hamlet, as it applied to himself, he warmly- 
 exclaimed — 
 
 Take him for all in all, 
 
 I shaU not look upon his like again. 
 
 Hawthoen TTat.t. was now the only object in view. It was 
 new : it was dehghtful : and Tom pictured to his glowing 
 mind, a few days at least of sport and merriment among the 
 country folks. " I am q^" said he to LOGIC. But to part 
 with Corinthian Kate, aye, there was the rub ! Pausing on 
 the subject was dangerous ; the thrilling tone of " BonH go, my 
 dear ToM," from the persuasive tongue of Kate, — one who had 
 hitherto but to name a request to have it granted, — might 
 not only have placed Hawthorn Hall out of Tom's sight for 
 ever, but have prevented poor Jerry from the pleasure of his 
 elegant friend's company in his Bambles and Sprees through 
 the Metropolis : he, therefore, kissed her choral lips with an 
 adieu that bespoke a speedy return. His prime hit of Mood 
 was crossed without delay ; but he had scarcely proceeded a 
 few yards, when he turned, as it were, involuntarily round for 
 a parting gaze on the lovely figure of ELate : — 
 
 Thia is a creature, 
 
 Would she begin a sect, might quench the zeal 
 Of all professors else ; make proselytes 
 Of who she but bid follow. 
 
 Tom clapped spurs to his steed to overtake his carriage, which 
 he had sent forward to wait for him at a short distance on the 
 road. He was out of sight in an instant ; and all the pleasures 
 of the Metropolis were left behind him for a short period. 
 
 Tom now thought of nothing else but Old Hawthorn and 
 Somersetshire ; and pursued his journey with all the expedition 
 
1 3 2 LIFE IN I ONDON. 
 
 of a stage-coach, taking refreshments merely when necessary. 
 So much was Cokinthian Tom in haste to arrive at Haw- 
 thorn Hall, that, although he had numerous acquaintances 
 living at Bath, he stayed no longer at this elegant city than 
 to allow time for changing horses at the Yorh Hotel, and then 
 galloped off in full speed for the house of his friend. Of Old 
 Mr Hawthorn, Tom had but a very slight recollection, having 
 only seen him once at his father's residence, when he was 
 quite a boy ; but, nevertheless, the high approbation which his 
 parent had bestowed upon the general conduct of his uncle, 
 had not, in the slightest degree, escaped his memory. ToM 
 had now nearly mastered his journey, being within a few paces 
 of the object of his wishes — Hawthorn Hall, the approach 
 to which was rather rude and uninteresting than otherwise. 
 It would have puzzled an Inigo Jones, or a Christopher Wren, 
 to have demonstrated to what order of architecture the build- 
 ing belonged ; or, more properly speaking, whether it belonged 
 to any Order at all. Nash, with a shrug of his shoulders, 
 would instanter have pronounced it horrid and barbarous. Its 
 interior was not more fascinating as to decorations. Useful 
 articles were to be found in abundance ; but no Grecian sofas 
 for luxurious lolling tete-a-tetes were to be seen ; neither had 
 the modern taste of the stylish furnishing upholsterer from 
 the Metropolis yet made any progress in altering the venerable 
 appearance of Hawthorn Hall. The antique jovial fireside, 
 with its roomy corners, that made all its inmates cheerful and 
 warm when taking their humming stingo October, had also 
 resisted the innovating hand of time, and remained in statu 
 quo for upwards of a century. This residence, however, had 
 one qualification to boast of, which every visitor felt impressed 
 with in an eminent degree on entering its doors. It was 
 cleanliiiess to the very echo : the white cambric handkerchief 
 might have been applied to every part of it, and not have lost 
 
JERR y HA WTHORN.—A JOLLIFICA TION. 133 
 
 a single particle of its colour. This simplicity operated as a 
 fine contrast altogether, for the elegant and tasteful review of 
 Corinthian Tom. As a building, Hawthorn Hall was 
 never mentioned; it had no comparison about it, although 
 the house was as well known in Somersetshire as a finger-post 
 that directs the traveller on his journey. But as to its pro- 
 prietors, who had descended from father to son for the last 
 two hundred years, the case was materially different — a 
 character had been established by the Hawthorns for 
 their generosity, hospitality, and charity, which was the pride 
 and theme of the village in which they resided, and wliicli 
 had never been sullied from one generation to the other. 
 The name of Hawthorn was in high repute in Somerset- 
 shire ; nay, more, it was the passport to friendship and 
 humanity. 
 
 How often have I loiter'd o'er thy green, 
 
 Where humble happiness endear'd each scene ! 
 
 How often have I paused on ev'ry charm, 
 
 The shelter'd cot, the cultivated farm, 
 
 The never failing brook, the busy mill. 
 
 The decent church that topt the neighb'ring hill, 
 
 The hawthorn bush, with seats beneath the shade, 
 
 For talking age and whisp'ring lovers made ! 
 
 How often have I blest the coming day, 
 
 AVheu toil remitting lent its turn to play. 
 
 And all the village train from labour free. 
 
 Led up their sports beneath the spreading tree. 
 
 While many a pastime circled in the sh 
 
 The young contending as the old survey'd ; — 
 
 And many a gambol frolick'd o'er the ground. 
 
 And sleights of art and feats of strength went round. 
 
 And still as each repeated pleasure tired. 
 
 Succeeding sports the mirthful band inspired ; 
 
 The dancing pair that simply sought renown. 
 
 By holding out, to tire each other down ; 
 
134 LIPE IN LONDON. 
 
 The Bwain mistrustless of his smutted face. 
 While secret laughter titter'd round the place ; 
 The bashful virgin's side-long looks of love, 
 The matron's glance that would those looks reprove. 
 These were thy charms, sweet village ! sports like these 
 With sweet succession, taught e'en toil to please ; 
 These round thy bowers their cheerful influence shed, 
 These were thy chaems— 
 
 Tom had now crossed the threshold of Ha-\vthorn Hall, 
 where his anxious uncle was in attendance to hail his arrival. 
 Eeciprocal congratulations passed between them, when Mr 
 Hawthorn, in the ecstasy of the moment, grasping Tom's 
 hand with great fervour, observed, " I am heartily glad to 
 see you, my dear friend; and you are welcome a thousand 
 times over, for the sake of your amiable father." Tom's heart 
 was almost too full to reply to this kind sentiment — ^a slight 
 tinge overspread his interesting countenance — and for an 
 instant he felt a slight embarrassment at the gratifying recep- 
 tion he had thus met with from Mr Hawthorn. Jerry, 
 who was as bold as brass among his companions in the village, 
 now stood almost on tip-toe peeping at the door of an inner 
 apartment, afraid, as it were, of encountering the elegant 
 impressive appearance of Tom, till he was summoned to come 
 forth by the voice of his father, in order to be introduced to 
 his London cousin, of whom Fame had already given so high- 
 sounding a character. Jerry was somewhat sliy upon this 
 occasion, but not slieepisli ; it was that sort of lasliful modesty, 
 which an individual is sometimes apt to feel, when ho is aware 
 of coming in contact vnth a person of acknowledged superior 
 talents. Jerry was no Johnny Eaio either — ^lie was not a 
 staring, gawky, grinniug country bumpkin, who laughs at he 
 cannot tell what j and who is astonished at everything that he 
 sees ! No ; he was a creature of another cast. Jerry was 
 fond of a bit of fun — as gay as a lark — open-hearted, gene- 
 
JERR V HA WTHORN. —A JOLLIFICA TION. 1 3 5 
 
 rous, and unsuspecting — and the life and soul of the village in 
 which Hawthorn Hall was situated. In all the sports and 
 pastimes of the place, Jerry was the hero of the tale. At 
 hunting and shooting he would not yield the palm to anyone. 
 Over a five-barred gate he would leap without the slightest 
 hesitation ; and a wide ditch he would jump across, divested 
 of anything like terror. For a race of a hundred yards, his 
 speed was so excellent that he had no competitor ; and to trot 
 his pony, against "anything alive," he had taken the conceit 
 out of all his opponents for mil6s round the country. In 
 throwing a quoit he exhibited great strength and dexterity. 
 At a wake or a fair, in cudgelling or wrestling, Jerry had none 
 of the worse of it. In the art of self-defence he showed such 
 traits of the clearing-away system, that it was evident he had 
 not visited Bristol and Lansdon Fair for nothing. In con- 
 vivial scenes, no one made himself more jolly than Jerry ; 
 and his song always proved acceptable, nay, frequently an 
 encore. With the tender-hearted souls of the village, his gene- 
 rosity and good-natured intention rendered him a great 
 favourite ; indeed, if a chapter were necessary in this work 
 to be written on Eural Amours, perhaps no hero would cut a 
 more prominent figure than Jerry Hawthorn. But as this 
 subject is too far removed from Life in London j and as he 
 did not possess the advantages resulting from the tuition of 
 a Thwaclcum and a Square, to point out at all times the evils 
 attached to youth in partaking of the forbidden fruit, it will be 
 much better to let the curtain remain down. However, at 
 all events, this is not the time to draw it up. At a harvest- 
 home, or a merry-making at Christmas, Jerry exhibited as 
 much, perhaps more, natural taste and agility in his dancing 
 than those persons who could boast of the advantages of 
 having had Opera teachers to instruct them. In short, he 
 was the very double, or counterpart, of Corinthian Tomj 
 
136 LIFE IN LONDON. , 
 
 making an allowance for the diiferent spheres in which their 
 various talents were exercised. 
 
 Corinthian Tom's percsption soon enabled him to enter 
 into all the ideas and pursuits of those persons around him 
 at Hawtliorn Hall. So much so, that in the course of a day 
 or two he was like "owe of themselves." There was not the 
 slightest resei-ve about ToJi's character ; and it was his maxim, 
 at all times, to accommodate himself, as much as possible, 
 to the dispositions of the company in which he might be 
 situated, i.e., 
 
 When at Rome to do as Rohe does I 
 
 Intimacy hs,^ now removed Jerry's hashfulness; and ToM 
 and his merry cousin were almost inseparable. The unso- 
 phisticated manners and ingenuous disposition of Jerry had 
 made ToM quite attached to him ; and the former had already 
 laid open all those little secrets which occur on the sly, " that 
 Dad oztght not to hioiv," as Jerry said, with as much frankness 
 as if he had been intimate with Tom for twenty years : and 
 all the tricks and fun of the village were disclosed to the latter 
 hero without the least disguise. Indeed, Jerry appeared 
 particularly anxious to make the time of his guest pass 
 pleasantly and comfortably; and every little thing was pro- 
 duced that was thought would in any way afford amusement 
 to Corinthian Tom ; while Jerry, in turn, treasured up 
 almost every expression that fell from the lips of his elegant 
 friend. He also looked up to him as a great master, and his 
 arguments operated upon the mind of Jerry like the decisions 
 of a Judge. 
 
 That Tom, who was the GO among the goes, in the very 
 centre of fashion in London, should have to encounter the 
 
yERR y HA W THORN.— A JOLLIFICA TION. 1 3 7 
 
 vulgar stare of this village j or, that the dairy-maid should 
 leave off skimming her cream to take a peep at our hero, 
 as he mounted his courser, is not at all surprising : and 
 Tom only smiled at this provincial sort of rudeness. In fact, 
 he was Jerry's idol ; and the latter, on looking at himself, 
 began to make comparisons upon the different cuts of the 
 apparel which decorated their persons. Indeed, the contrast 
 was so striking, that an individual of less lively disposition and 
 taste for dress than Jerry must have perceived it. " I should 
 like," said Jerry, half checking himself, for fear of giving an 
 affront. "Speak out, why this hesitation, my dear Coz?"i 
 replied Tom. " Why then, upon your return to town, if you 
 will let your tailor send me down a suit of clothes, according 
 to your order, it will be conferring a lasting obligation on your 
 humble servant." " But why not return with me to London, 
 Jerry? It was my intention, previous to quitting Haivthorn 
 Rail, to have requested the favour of your company to spend 
 a few months with me at Corinthian House. Everything that 
 is worthy of being seen in the Metropolis you may depend 
 upon my services to point out to you." " I should like it of 
 all tilings," Jerry answered, in great raptures, " if Dad has 
 no objection to it. It is true, I have been in London, and 
 took a look at the Monument, Westminster Abbey, St Paul's, 
 &c.; but, in other respects, I am almost as ignorant as if I 
 had never been there. With such a friend as you at my 
 elbow, who could introduce me to all the prime places, Oh, it 
 would be glorious ! I must try to get Dad in the humour to 
 give his consent, and if you only second the proposition, it is 
 done." Tom, smiling, assured Jerry he should not want his 
 support. 
 
 ^ Although thia sort of relationship may be considered as obsolete in 
 the Metropolis, it is not so in the country ; and the affectionate term of 
 Coz is often applied to each other. 
 
138 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 The various exercises which ToM had taken with Jerry, 
 during his residence at Hawthxyrn Hall, added to the rides 
 over the velvet turf on Claverton Downs, had now so com- 
 pletely renovated his health,''^ that his return to the Metro- 
 polis was decidedly fixed upon, and nothing occurred to delay 
 Ms journey, but a day's fox-hunting with Sir Harry Blood's 
 cradle pack of hounds, Jerry's praises of which had so excited 
 his curiosity, that Tom declared he would not miss such a 
 day's sport on any consideration. He felt an additional 
 interest in it, in consequence of Jerry's having frequently 
 burst forth upon his ears with the view-halloo ; the fine musical 
 tones of which, it was generally admitted, no huntsman in 
 Somersetshii-e could give in such rich style as young Haw- 
 thorn ; and we regret that we have no means of communi- 
 cating its excellence " to our readers. 
 
 Tom now expressed to Jerry's father his intention of 
 
 ^ It Bhould seem, tliat Doctor Plcas'em was a great advocate for exercise 
 and not much of an admirer of medicine; indeed, it appears to be the 
 opinion of the learned, that, amidst the great discoveries and improvements 
 made in the various sciences, most unfortunately for the benefit of man- 
 kind in general, Physic has not kept an equal pace. In a consultation of 
 eight of the most sJcilful physicians of the Metropolis, who were called in 
 to give their opinions upon the complaint of a person of high rank (a 
 female of great beauty), it was clearly demonstrated, after her death, upon 
 an investigation that could not fail, five of them were absolutely in the 
 darJc, and the other three had shown very little more light upon the 
 subject. It was rather sarcastically remarked, at the time, " that her 
 relatives could not complain that she had not been weZZ-DOCTOEBD ! ! ! " 
 
 2 Those persons who recollect the view-lialloo given by Mr Incledon in 
 his song of Old Towler (to acquire the tones of which, it took the above 
 incomparable singer upwards of sixty rehearsals under an old huntsman 
 before he could venture a public performance of it), may form some sort 
 of a comparison of its excellence, when informed that the superiority was 
 allowed to Jeeet. 
 
JERRY HAWTHORN.— A JOLLIFICATION. 139 
 
 quitting Hawthorn Hall, who declared he would not suffer 
 his departure on any account, vsdthout invitiag a few friends 
 to partake of a jollification, and a " parting cup " on the 
 occasion. Tom, after expressing his thanks for the kind- 
 ness he had received from Mr Hawthorn and his son, 
 declared himself highly pleased with the project, from the 
 amusement such a treat must afford him. 
 
 Tom and Jerry had been so much together, that the former 
 might be said not to have been alone since his arrival at Haiv- 
 thorn Hall; and, indeed, he would not have been so now, had 
 not Jerry taken a ride over to Sir Harry Blood's park, to 
 ascertain particulars respecting the time of the Fox-hunt. 
 London and Logic now flashed across Tom's recollection ; but 
 more especially his lovely Kate, who appeared so distinctly 
 before him, that, having a few minutes' leisure j)revious to 
 being summoned to dinner, he sat down, and composed the 
 following stanzas : — 
 
 AVhile Ckloe's lip, or Bufa's hair, 
 
 Some favour'd poet's theme supplies ; 
 The' not a fig for me she care. 
 
 Be mine, My Kate's bewitching eyes. 
 
 Witches hy various signs we trace, 
 
 Howe'er imposing their disguise ; 
 'Tis thus My Kate, with angel face. 
 
 Betrays Jier witchery in her EYES ! ^ 
 
 One for a snowy iosom pleads ; 
 " Give me roiind arms,'' another cries: 
 
 1 The eyes of Coeinthian Kate, it was said, equalled in hrilliaucy 
 those of a late celebrated Duchess : of whom it is related, that a dustman, 
 whose short pipe was out, with much naiveti asked her to let him light it 
 with the fire of her byes. 
 
140 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 For me, no bliss on earth exceeds, 
 To meet Mt Kate's bewitching eyes. 
 
 Uplifted looks, demurely sad. 
 
 Preacher or Puritan may prize ; 
 I love the twinkling lustre glad. 
 
 That gilds My Kate's bewitching eyes. 
 
 Long may those orbs unclouded shine ! 
 
 Youth's sunny Aveather swiftly flies ; 
 Nor all, with hearts like her's benign, 
 
 Wear like My Kate's bewitching eyes ! 
 
 Whene'er a glance of love she throws, 
 
 I know the meaning it implies ; 
 For language no expression knows. 
 
 To match her eloquence, of eyes. 
 
 By night they pierce my very dreams : 
 
 And wakeful fancy, — when I rise 
 Still warm, in fascination seems 
 
 To paint Mr Kate's bewitching eyes ! 
 
 On the morning appointed for the Fox-hunt, Jerry placed 
 himself under Tom's bed-room windows long before day-break, 
 and, with his melodious view-lialloo, aroused him from his 
 slumbers. Tom was soon up ; and, having equipped himself 
 in the true Sportsman's style, was ready to start to join the 
 party of Fox-hunters at Sir Harry Blood's. " Here, my dear 
 Coz," said Jerry, " take your choice of two as fine hunters as 
 ever leg was laid over, and which were never yet throAvn out. 
 But, before we go, let us fortify our stomachs with a slice or 
 two of hung beef, and a horn or so of humming stingo ! " 
 
 Scarce the hounds were in cover, when off Ebynaed flew. 
 Not a sportsman who view'd him a syllable spoke ; 
 
 The dogs remain'd threading the thorny brake through. 
 But at length in a hurst, from a deep thicket, broke ! 
 
 The Fox knew his country, and made all the play, 
 Whilst many a stubble and meadow were cross'd ; 
 
JERR Y HA WTHORN.—A JOLLIFICA TION. 141 
 
 O'er valleys and woodlands he kept on his way ; 
 
 When, lo ! with the pack of his brush — he was lost. 
 
 Soon after their arrival at Sir Harry's park, the fox was 
 turned out, and afforded one of the most delightful day's 
 sports ever witnessed. It was not till after a chase of twenty- 
 six miles, without the least check, that they ran into him, 
 as Reynard was attempting to make his escape into a gen- 
 tleman's garden ; and Tom and Jerey were both in at the 
 death. Here Jerry again displayed his musical talents in the 
 death-Jialloo, and remarked to Tom, what a crack pack of 
 hounds Sir Harry's were, as in their pursuit of the fox through 
 several herds of deer, and an amazing number of hares, their 
 .steadiness of conduct had been such as could not be surpassed, 
 if eqimlled, by any pack in the county of Somerset. 
 
 On their return to Hawthorn-Hall, they found the com- 
 pany, invited to take their farewell of CORINTHIAN ToM and 
 Jerry, assembled in an aj)artment, termed the " Sportsman's 
 Cabinet ; " the upper part of which was hung with tlie fox- 
 skins of several past years killing ; here and there a martin- 
 cat intermixed, and gamekeepers' and hunters' poles in abund- 
 ance. In the windows, which were rather large, several 
 arrows, cross-bows, and other accoutrements were displayed • 
 the walls also were decorated with numerous paintings con- 
 nected with sporting subjects. Dinner was scarcely over and 
 the cloth removed, when several of the old Sportsmen struck 
 up in a loud chorus " No mortals on earth are so jovial as we;" 
 at the conclusion of which, the health of Corinthian Tom, as a 
 sportsman, was drunk with loud cheers. Here Jerry got up, 
 and assured the company that his Coz. loved a chase of twenty- 
 six miles on end as well as any of them ; and, without further 
 ceremony, presented Tom with a pint bumper of port, with 
 the fox's brush dipped and squeezed into it to give a zest to 
 
142 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 the liquor, who, in return, drank the healths of all the person 
 present. 
 
 Bill Pointer, as keen a sportsman as ever followed a pack of 
 hounds, and who was never known to refuse a leap in the 
 severest chase, now proposed the following bumper toast — 
 " Horses sound, dogs healthy, earths stopt, and eoxes plenty." 
 As many chases were talked over as the intervals between the 
 songs and toasts would permit. Tom Moody, the Eigli-Mettled 
 Itacer, Hunting the Hare, the Jolly Falconer, and 
 
 A southerly wind, and a cloudy sty. 
 
 Proclaim a hunting morning, 
 Before the bub rises, we nimbly fly, 
 Dull sleep and a downy bed scorning. 
 To horse, my boys, to horse, away, 
 The chase admits of no delay, &c., 
 
 were not given, it is true, in the refined style of a stage per- 
 formance ; but they had to boast of a peculiar character, which 
 actors cannot acquire. Jerry's "Bright Chanticleer," with its 
 halloo accompaniment, made the "Cabinet" ring again with 
 applause ; and at the express desire of Farmer Corn, he was 
 pressed to favour the company with the late Chaeles 
 Dibdin's delightfully descriptive song of the "Labourer's 
 Welcojie Home," which he, with the utmost good-nature, 
 immediately began : — 
 
 The ploughman whistles o'er the furrow. 
 The hedger joins the vacant strain. 
 The woodman sings the woodland thorough. 
 The shepherd's pipe delights the plain. 
 
 Where'er the anxious eye can reach, 
 Or ear receive the jocund, pleasure. 
 Myriads of beings thronging flock. 
 
JERR V HA WTHORN.—A JOLLIFICA TION. 
 
 143 
 
 Of nature's song to join the measure ; 
 
 Till, to keep time, the village clock 
 
 Sounds, sweet, the labourer's ■welcome home ! 
 
 The hearth swept clean, his partner smiling, 
 Upon the 
 
 Here Jerry's recollection failed him ; or, the humper toasts 
 had made such an impression upon his intellectual faculties, 
 that he was unahle to proceed. He was therefore compelled 
 to apologise. By way of a set-off, he begged the attention of 
 the company for his Coz, who, he was persuaded, would give 
 them a iwima London touch. This notification of Jerry's was 
 received with great approbation, when his relative immediately 
 began the following rhapsody, — entitled 
 
 LIFE EST LONDON.* 
 
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 gig and fun in ev' - ry face, So nat - ty and so know-ing, "Where 
 
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 A New Song by Pierce Egan, set to Music by A. Voight. 
 
144 
 
 LIFE IN LONDON: 
 
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 all the rage. Prom high to low do - gree, 
 
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 145 
 
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146 
 
 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
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NEW SONG. 
 
 147 
 
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148 
 
 LIFE IN LONDON, 
 
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 town for mc! Danc-ujg, sing-ing, full of glee, O London, Loudon. 
 
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 149 
 
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 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
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 JiatUer slower. 
 
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152 
 
 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
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154 
 
 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 3d Veese. 
 
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 fasli - ion driv - ing tliro* each street, "With splendour and re - nown ; Pe • 
 
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 - - dent-rians, too, with shin - ing feet, O what a charm - ing town J O 
 
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 Four in hand, Down the Strand ; 
 
 what a charm-ing town I 
 
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 r I — I — —I— I — I — I I — I — —I— I — I — I F — 1 — I F— 
 
156 
 
 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
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 town for mo ! Danc-iiig, sing - ing, full of giee, O London, Loudon 
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 town for me ! 
 
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 (The first and last strains of these three versos are not 
 original.— A. Voight.) 
 
 A DESCEIPTION OF THE METKOPOLIS i 
 
 WEHTEN BY 
 COEINTHIAN TOM. 
 
 London Town 'a a dashing place 
 For ev'ry thing that 's going. 
 
 There 's fun and gig in ev'ry face, 
 So natty and so TcnovAig. 
 
l6o LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Where Novelty is all the rage, 
 From high to low degree. 
 
 Such pretty lounges to engage, 
 Only come and see ! 
 What charming sights, 
 On gala nights ; 
 Masquerades, 
 Grand parades. 
 Famed gas lights. 
 Knowing fights, 
 Eandall and Cribb 
 Know how to fih ! 
 Tothill Fields 
 Pleasure yields ; 
 The Norwich bull 
 With antics f ulL 
 Plenty of news. 
 All to amuse ; 
 The Monkey " Jacco " 
 All the crack ! 
 Ambroghetti's squall. 
 Match girls bawl ! 
 Put on the gloves, 
 Playful as doves, 
 Then show. your /arte 
 At the Fives Court ; 
 Conjurers rare 
 At Bartlcmy fair ; 
 Polito's beasts. 
 See city feasts, 
 Lord Mayor's day — 
 Then the play, 
 Adelphi Theatre ; 
 Pretty feature ! 
 Rotten Row 
 Is all the Go ! 
 In the Bench, 
 Keep your wench. 
 When nest you roam, 
 Matthews "At Home ! " 
 
JERR Y HA WTHORN. —A JOLLIFICA TION. 1 6 1 
 
 Such prime joking, 
 Lota of smoking , 
 Here all dash on 
 In the fashion ! 
 
 Chorus — Dancing, singing, fuU of glee, 
 
 London, London town for me ! 
 
 From ev'ry part the natives run, 
 
 To view this spot of land ; 
 All are delighted with the fun, 
 
 Astonish'd 'tis so grand ! 
 To Vauxhall haste to sec the blaze, 
 
 Such variegated lights ; 
 The ladies' charms are all the gaze — 
 No artificial sights. 
 
 Lovely faces 
 
 Full of graces, 
 
 Heav'nly charms 
 
 Create alarms ! 
 
 Such glances 
 
 And dances. 
 
 To the sky 
 
 See Saqui fly 
 
 In a blaze, 
 
 All to amaze. 
 
 Cyprians fine. 
 
 Kids full of wine ; 
 
 Orchestra grand 
 
 Pandean Band ; 
 
 Charming singing. 
 
 Pleasure bringing ; 
 
 Great attraction 
 
 And satisfaction ; 
 
 Plenty of Iioaxing, 
 
 Strong coaxing ; 
 
 Beautiful shapes. 
 
 Beaux and apes, 
 
 Prone to quiz 
 
1 62 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Every phiz ! 
 Dashing glasses. 
 Queering lasses ; 
 Flashy cits, 
 Numerous wits ; 
 Loud talking. 
 Thousands walking! 
 Rare treating, 
 Numbers eating, 
 Punch and wine, 
 Ev'ry thing prime ; 
 Grand Cascade, 
 Once display 'd ; 
 Duke and groom 
 In one room ; 
 Here all dash ou 
 In the fashion ! 
 
 Chorus — Dancing, singing, full of glee, 
 
 London, Loudon town for me ! 
 
 Such various fancies there display'd 
 
 To please and cheer the mind ; 
 They captivate both man and maid, 
 
 All polite and kind. 
 See fashion driving through each street, 
 
 With splendour and renown ; 
 Pedestrians, too, with shining feet, 
 0, what a charming town ! 
 Four-in-hand, 
 Down the Strand ; 
 Funny gigs 
 With knowing wigs ; 
 Baxter's ' hats 
 
 1 Topper-Diaker to the Fancy ; brother of Ned Turner, the celebrated 
 pugilist ; in high repute with the^ amateurs, in respect to giving the hiow- 
 ledge-iox an important look ! 
 
JERRY HAWTHORN.— A JOLLIFICATION. 163 
 
 That queer the flats ; 
 Flashy whips 
 With silver tips ; 
 Leathern breech. 
 Pretty stitch ! 
 High-bred cattle, 
 Tittle-tattle ; 
 Tatteksall sell; 
 Peep into "S"eZi/'' 
 Full of play, 
 And make a stay ; 
 Hear Kean speak, 
 Gkimaidi squeak ! 
 Courts of law, 
 Full of jaw ; 
 Beougham plead ; 
 Macadlay read ; 
 And Old Borum 
 At the Forum : 
 To Opera prance, 
 See Vestris dance ; 
 At Free and Easy 
 Full and greasy 
 Prime song and catch : 
 Then trotting-match; 
 London cries, 
 rare hot pies ! 
 Sadler's WeUs 
 In summer •fells ; 
 Quick approach 
 In hackney coach ; 
 Take your Daffy, 
 All be happy ; 
 And then dash on 
 In the fashion. 
 Choeub — Dancing, singing, full of glee, 
 
 London, London town for me ! 
 
 The company, ■who had not been idle with their glasses^ 
 
164 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 had now got rather fresliish} Old Hawthorn and his visitors 
 appeared highly delighted with Tom's descriptive song of the 
 Metropolis ; indeed, several of the party wished for an encore. 
 Jeery whispered to his cousin, that he thought a better 
 opportunity could not occur for putting the question to his 
 father about his intended journey to London. Tom fulfilled 
 his promise, and acted as an able second upon the occasion ; 
 and Farmer Stubble, one of Mr Hawthorn's most intimate 
 friends, unexpectedly declaring that it might tend towards 
 Jerry's improvement — under the tuition of such a gentleman 
 as Corinthian Tom — the motion was carried without a 
 division. The scene altogether was happiness and good- 
 humour ; and the old Farmers, anxious to have a bit of fun 
 among themselves, gave each other the wink to ply the 
 Gentleman Londoner, as they termed him, with plenty of 
 drink, that they might send him merry to bed. This, how 
 ever, was useless, as Jerry put Tom on his guard respecting 
 their intention ; and, both uniting against these jolly fellows, 
 they soon had the laugh against them. 
 
 Farmer Stubble now rising, with a glass in his hand, 
 recited, in rather a discordant voice, the following verss from 
 the Tippling Philosopher : — 
 
 Demockitls always was glad 
 
 Of a bumper to cheer up his soul, 
 And would laugh like a man that was mad. 
 
 When over a good flowing bowL 
 
 As long as his cellar was stored, 
 
 The liquor he 'd merrily quaff ; 
 And when he was drunk as a lord, 
 
 At those that were sober he'd laugh. 
 
 ^ In a fair way to become inioxicated : but a country phrase altogether 
 as " I was rather frcshiah ! " 
 
yERR Y HA WTHORN.—A JOLLIFICA TION. 165 
 
 Mirth and harmony enlivened the comjDany till a late hour : 
 how several of them got to bed, it is not worth while to inquire. 
 Suffice it to say, Corinthian Tom " saw them all out " — when 
 he retired to rest, highly delighted with his day's sport and 
 his evening's entertainment. 
 
 The morning having arrived for ToM and Jerry's departure 
 for London, all was hurry aiid bustle at Hawthorn Hall. The 
 latter got up rather early, to take leave of his numerous 
 friends in the village ; but more especially to bid " good-bye," 
 and to take a parting kiss, on the sly, of those tender com- 
 panions who had so pleasingly occupied his softer hours. 
 Several of the farmers' daughters, it appears, had " set their 
 caps " ^ at Jerry, whose situation in life rendered liim rather 
 an enviable object in their choice of a husband. The thought 
 of losing him operated strongly on their feelings; and par- 
 ticularly as he was going up to London with such a gay gentle- 
 man as Corinthian Tom, it was but natural to expect, that 
 all of them would soon be forgotten, in the blaze of female 
 attraction which he would have to encounter during his stay 
 in the Metropolis. All this was done even without the 
 
 ^ Something after the manner of Molly Mayhush and Jemmy Jumps, in 
 " The Farmer " :— 
 
 "Molly. — Did I think you ever could forget the day you left our village. 
 Don't you remember, as you were stepping on the coach roof, as I stood 
 ciying, you with one foot on the little wheel, and t' other just on the boot; 
 your right hand you stretched to the coachman, and your left as I held in 
 mine, washing it with my tears, the postman at that moment sounding his 
 horn : — ' Gee-up ! ' says the coachman, and I soon lost sight of my Jemmy. 
 
 " Jeumt. — Have me I certainly, they were all upon the scramble for me, 
 as if I was a tit-bit for a city feast. I was such a neat — tol lol ! hey ! 
 Bettt dressed at me — Jenkt skimmed the cream — Molly robbed the hen- 
 roost — Susan baked the round little hot loaves for my breakfast — Becky 
 sung to me — Sal hopp'd — and Poll bobb'd at me ; but, poor things ! it 
 wasn't on the cards — con'dn't be—." 
 
l66 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 knowledge of his dearest friend and confidant, TOM ; but, in 
 these occurrences, few persons like to have any witnesses of 
 those precious moments, when the hand is squeezed with 
 ecstasy — ^the love-sick sigh half suppressed — and the pearly 
 drop steals down the cheek of beauty, at the departure of a 
 favoured lover. Upon these points, Shakspeake observes, 
 with great truth, that — 
 
 Friendship is constant in all other things, 
 
 Save in the office and affiiirs of love : 
 
 Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongties. 
 
 Let every eye negotiate for itself, 
 
 And irasJ no agent ; beauty is a witch, 
 
 Against whose charms faith melted into blood. 
 
 The coach at length drew up to the hall-door, when TOM 
 took a polite farewell of the party, accompanied with many 
 thanks for the sports that had been selected for his amuse- 
 ment. The tears stood in Old Haavthorn's eyes, when he 
 grasped the hand of his son, and faintly articulated, " Good- 
 lye 1 " Jeery felt rather ticklish, but endeavoured to preserve 
 his firmness. The domestics also respectfully wished him a 
 pleasant journey ; when off they started, bowing to their 
 friends, till they lost sight of Hawthorn Hall. London now 
 was the only object before them; and the anticipation of 
 enjoying the company of his lovely Kate, and the facetious 
 Bob Logic, in a few fleeting hours, stole across Tom's mind 
 with increased effect ; whUe Jerry, in raptures, frequently 
 burst out, humming the last line of his Cousin's song of 
 " London, London town for me." They pursued their journey 
 as fast as the horses could go ; and every milestone was 
 hailed with pleasure, as it brought them nearer to the Metro- 
 polis. Nothing of importance occurred on the road; and, 
 after a few changes of horses, Jerry found himself sitting 
 comfortably by the side of Tom, at Corinthian House. 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Jerry an Itimate of Corinthian House — Its Taste and Ele- 
 gance described — Useful Hints fro7ti Tom to Jerry — The 
 latter in training to become a Swell — His Introduction to 
 BoiB Logic — A Ride in Rotten Row. 
 
 WITH many persons, it sliould seem, to " know THE 
 world," consists in knowing how to get money ; to 
 know HOW to purchase annuities and estates ; to know HOW 
 the stocks fluctuate ; to know HOW to juggle, with the Jugglers 
 of 'Change Alley ; and to know HOW to make a large fortune : 
 with others, the grand secret appears to be, to know how to 
 Tceep it, after it has been obtained. This sort of knowledge, 
 however, was not the forte of Corinthian Tom, nor of his 
 friend LOGIO ; on the contrary, no persons knew better than 
 they did, how to spend a fortune. " Seeing Life," was their 
 object. To keep all sorts of company — to admire an accom- 
 plished mind, whenever they found it — to respect and follow 
 notions of real gentility — and to select the most sensible and 
 agreeable persons in society as their companions ; to see this 
 sort of " Life " was what induced Jerry to leave Hawthorn 
 Hall. There was no sophistry attached to his character ; he 
 came to London with an impatient ardour to join in the fun — 
 to enjoy the larTc — to laugh at the sp-ees, and to be aliAje in all 
 his Rambles. It appears, however, his higliest object was 
 IMPROVEMENT ; intending to return to Hawthorn Hall 
 
1 68 LIFE IN L ONDON. 
 
 somewliat wmr than when he left it — to possess a more 
 correct knowledge of the various classes of society, and a 
 more enlarged acquaintance with men and manners. 
 
 To "See Life," then, was the primary consideration of 
 Jeery Hawthorn — but it was not to agree with every 
 disposition, and conform with every species of behaviour 
 totally inconsistent with the tenets of reason, prudence, and 
 good manners ; neither was it to ridicule all sober, well- 
 disposed persons, as people wholly unfit to live in the world. 
 It was not that " sort of Life," that encouraged individuals 
 to drink very hard — to swear a good round hand — to sing an 
 indecent song — or to be smutty and fulsome in discourse. 
 
 It was not to mimic and talce offsach as have, unhappily, 
 an impediment in their speech ; to be excessively droll in 
 remarks on those who are disfigured through any natural 
 defect; or to look on every j)erson as a FOOL that has any 
 regard for reUgion. 
 
 It was not to be loose in morals, wanton in debauchery, 
 and horrid in imprecations ; to appear learned in everything 
 allied to obscenity and lewdness, and in everything else to 
 appear as ignorant as a person might please. 
 
 It was not to know, or pretend to know, all the young 
 ladies in town; and should you discover any one, two, or 
 three of them to have conceived an affection for you, to 
 endeavour to debauch them all ; and if you are so hapjjy as to 
 succeed, then to forsake and expose them, by way of gratitude 
 for the favours they had bestowed. 
 
 It was not to belong to drinking clubs, sporting clubs, or 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 169 
 
 debating societies. To go often to the playhouses, and tliere 
 always to distinguish yourself as highly as possible in assuming 
 every freakish air and saucy attitude; and, -when profound 
 attention is required for the hearing of any fine and pathetic 
 speech, to be suddenly seized with a loud fit of coughing ; to 
 clap like a hero at what you should not, and hiss at what you 
 do not understand. 
 
 It was not to go to taverns, coffee-houses, and places of ill- 
 fame, to commit every sort of outrage and disorder ; such as 
 jumping about the rooms, putting out the candles, spilling the 
 liquors, breaking the glasses, kicking the waiters, &c., &c. 
 
 It was not to frequent places of fashionable resort, and to 
 fegp it up all night in drinking, swearing, and singing ; and 
 when fair morn makes her approach, then heroically to sally 
 forth into the street, reel about like a rake of the first 
 magnitude, insult all you meet, knock down au old woman 
 or two, break a few windows, stagger to another tavern for a 
 fresh supply of the juice of the grape, and finish your glorious 
 frolic in being sent home in a hackney-coach, senseless, speech- 
 less, and motionless, more like a beast than a rational intelli- 
 gent human being. 
 
 The passions are all prone to sad disorders, 
 
 Whose objects never should approach their horders I 
 
 " lead us not into temptation ! " 
 Is a choice prayer, and which I much admire — 
 So many, things are dangerous to desire ! 
 
 So ripe for foul assassination ! 
 
 TODTHS ! whene'er the wishes warm of nature 
 Tu/mullnous rise — destroy their dangerous dance; 
 The curb of reason to your aid advance, 
 
 And some them with her iuchets o/cold water. 
 
17° LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 No harm is in the paesions, to be sure. 
 
 But then they must not gallop wild to door ; 
 Close keep them, just Hke hounds that long for hare, 
 
 Or muzzle them, indeed, like ferrets. 
 
 And thus suppress their wanton spirits, 
 That, lawless, wish to be as free as air. 
 
 The passions, as I 've said, are far from eiiil, 
 But if not well confined they play the devil. 
 
 Learn from that candle — mark its gofoern'd fiame, 
 How in its lustre — gentle, steady, tame. 
 
 So mild, such trembling modesty, so quiet ! — 
 But let him touch your curtains on your bed. 
 Who on such stuff delighteth to be fed, 
 
 Lo ! in a brace of minutes what a riot ! 
 He pulls (for nought the unbridled rogue reveres), 
 Like Samson, an old house about his ears. 
 
 Jerry had now realised the summit of Ms wishes, in being 
 happily situated under the roof of his relative at Corinthian 
 House. The elegance of his cousin's appearance had often 
 excited liis praise and admiration ; but he was now altogether 
 as much delighted, nay, astonished, at the superlative style 
 which Tom had displayed in decorating the interior of his 
 mansion ; and some little time had elapsed before Jerry's 
 eyes grew famiUar to the grandeur and dazzling objects with 
 which he was surrounded. Indeed, to describe the numerous 
 beauties Corinthian House contained would require a com- 
 plete and extensive catalogue. It was a perfect model; a 
 combination of taste and excellence. There was nothing 
 superfluous about it, yet nothing was wanting. All that art 
 could produce had been effected, regulated by a sound and 
 critical judgment. Every room had its CHARACTER ; and all 
 of them were emphatic. In the selection of paintings, exhibited 
 upon one side of the picture gallery, a correct knowledge of 
 the old masters had been displayed it was admitted by all the 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 171 
 
 connoisseurs who had seen them. Upon the other side of 
 this splendid apartment the contrast was equally fine and 
 attractive. The beauties of the Modern School op Paint- 
 ing, rising proudly in an improved state of grandeur, were 
 viewed, challenging, as it were, the Old Masters to the scale 
 of competition. The works of Sir Joshua Eeynolds, West, 
 La^vrence, Fuseli, Opie, Westall, Gainsborough, Loutherbourg, 
 the eccentric Barry ,^ Beechy, Turner, Wilkie, Haydon, &c., 
 &c., shone forth in all that vigour of expression, softness of 
 touch, and brilliancy of colouring, which gave a character to 
 that era of painting, so highly distinguished during the reign 
 of our much-lamented and revered Monarch, George the Third, 
 the foxmder of the Royal Academy. Jerry was at a complete 
 stand-still between these two great magnets of attraction. He 
 was no connoisseur, yet he used to observe to Tom there was 
 a "certain something" about the paintings that seemed 
 almost to fasten him to the spot. 
 
 In the Sketch-Eoom, which was principally dedicated to 
 the productions of the late George Morland, Jerry was 
 rather more if not quite at home, almost skipping with rapture 
 as his eye ran over the subjects of that unrivalled genius of 
 the pencil. Nature was seen so strongly at every touch that 
 
 ^ The works of this distinguished painter, and his gi-eat eccentricity of 
 character, were often the subjects of conversation between C0RINIHIA.N 
 Tom and his visitors. Jeeet laughed heartily on being told by his Coz 
 that Eaekt, who lived like a hermit, entirely by himself, in a very 
 capacious house, on the Adelphi Terrace, in order to save the expense of 
 repairing a broken pane of glass, placed a most beautiful painting, of the 
 value of five hundred guineas, against the window, to keep out the cold 
 and the rain ! This great artist was the intimate friend of the late Edmund 
 Burke, Esq. ; and so delighted was Barry with the work on the " Sublime 
 and Beautiful," when it was first shown to him in manuscript, that he 
 literally copied every word of it for his own use. 
 
172 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Jerry nearly fancied himself again at Hawthorn Hall, 
 looking at his dogs, pigs, and horses. 
 
 It was the opinion of Corinthian Tom, in his remarks to 
 Jerry, when the latter first entered this apartment, that if 
 Morland had only painted half the number of subjects which 
 are now before the public, their value might have been 
 enhanced twice as much ; and finished pictures, instead of 
 sketches, most likelj^ would have been the result. This was 
 the reason Tom assigned to Jerry for having it called the 
 Sketch-Eoom. "Nine times out of ten," said Tom, "dull 
 matter-of-fact calculation is not allied with genius." Money, 
 to George Morland, was a colour that he did not paint with ; 
 and, therefore, respecting its value, he seemed to know nothing. 
 Embarrassment and the catch-poles first drew up the curtain 
 and showed him the iron bars which stopped his thoughtless 
 career. They also explained to him, in the most feeling 
 manner, the uses of a strong lock. They likewise pointed out 
 to George the difference of his prospects, — not in an artist-like 
 manner to his " mind's eye,", but in a clear distinct way of 
 business, that twenty shillings make a POUND. For the orwment, 
 he keenly felt the disgusting cramped situation of Carey Street, 
 which compelled him io peep at his objects through the iron 
 rails of his apartment : for the moment, also, he felt the imme- 
 diate necessity of procuring the gold talismanic key to give 
 him once more his liberty, again to wander amidst the beauties 
 of nature : it was then that MoRLAND painted for money : it 
 was then that Genius was in fetters : it was then that rapid 
 exertions got the better of his taste. The instance speaks for- 
 cibly for itself " The sooner you jmint me a picture, Mr 
 Morland," said the leary Bum-trap, "the sooner the door 
 will be open to you. Freedom is in view, — and I '11 discharge 
 your debt." No skilful angler ever threw his Une into the 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 173 
 
 water with a more coaxing bait to hook the poor fish, than Mr 
 Screw " tried it on " with his prisoner. It was plausible : it 
 was better, — it gave no trouble to his acquaintance : it also 
 prevented shyness or refusal from his friends. The lock-up 
 house, by such means, lost its terrors. Employment was 
 found for the mind and pencil of Morland. He experienced 
 no shiverings of the body— no feverish parclied-up tongue, 
 waiting with the most anxious suspense for the return of the 
 messenger to bring the NO, which ultimately sent him to jail, 
 or the delightful YES, that set the prisoner once more at 
 liberty. On the contrary, George was quite at home. He 
 did as his inclinations prompted him. Jolly fellows called on 
 him in abundance; and the song and the glass went round 
 with the freedom of a tavern. All his wants were supplied, 
 and the misery of a spunging-house was not seen in MoRLAJSiD's 
 apartment. In fact, he was better attended than when out of 
 it. From the top screvj to the stamper-c[ea,ner, all of them felt 
 an interest in waiting upon the " GREAT GENIUS," as he was 
 termed, in order to take a sly i^eep at his paintings. Here 
 George set no price to his pictures ; but when he ■was tired 
 of his companions, and his confined situation, he then indus- 
 triously, and in a short time, painted himself out of the lock-up 
 house. Lumbering ^ him never afterwards gave MoRLAND any 
 horrors : and, whenever ho was again in trouble, the same kind 
 of judgment was repeated, time and often, till Mr Screw had 
 realised a tolerable collection of valuable paintings. This 
 oflS.cer was rather fond of pictures himself; but when any 
 gentleman took a fancy to purchase any of them, Mr Screw 
 never betrayed a w'ant of knowledge of their value, by the 
 prices he afiixed to them. Morland died at a premature 
 age J — dissipated habits proved his quietus. The ruder scenes 
 
 ' Being arrested. 
 
174 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 of Nature were his hobby. Genteel Life was too dull, too 
 insipid, for his pencU. But a more independent mind never 
 had an existence ; and his good qualities were numerous. The 
 tap-room he preferred to the parlour. Too much assumption 
 of would-be politeness and self-importance he thought fre- 
 quently decorated the latter, whUe the former furnished 
 nothing else but originality of character. The coal-heaver 
 cooking his own meat, and taking the linmg out of a pot of 
 porter at one pull — the carman tossing off a glass of gin like 
 water — and the needy woman ballad-singer going from house 
 to house attempting to get a halfpenny out of some poor 
 tradesman for a song, were the sort of groups that fastened on 
 the mind of Morland. He never felt more happy than when 
 he was seen amongst them : he depicted their various traits 
 and peculiarities in the most glowing colours ; and he has left 
 them behind him, living as it were on his canvas, a monument 
 of his unrivalled talents in a pecuUar style of painting. 
 
 To the Saloon,! the walls of which were completely covered 
 with the most highly-finished engravings executed in the 
 Metropolis, Jerry often repaired, when a few leisure moments 
 offered, to contemplate such an inimitable collection of por- 
 traits of public characters. Over Harlowe's ^ trial scene of 
 Queen Katherine before Henry the Eighth, and Wilkie's 
 
 ' This apartment had been christened, a. long time before Jbekt 
 arrived in town, by Logic, the " Aoquaintanoe Eoom." Bob would 
 frequently catch hold of Jeeky by the arm, after they had become inti- 
 mate, and ask Mm to take a turn among their acquaintances ; for bo he 
 denominated most of those characters, such as Mr Kean, Mr Brougham 
 Miss O'Neill, Miss KeUy, &c., who Avere continually appearing before the 
 eye of the public. It was from the remarks of LoGlo that Jeret picked 
 up considerable information respecting the above sort of persons. 
 
 2 The death of this young artist, from the extraordinary talents he 
 possessed, has been considered an irreparable loss to the arts. 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 175 
 
 Blind Fiddler and the Eent-day, Jkrry was frequently wit- 
 nessed rubbing his hands with delight at their excellence. 
 
 The DrAWING-Eoom was noble, grand, and impressive. 
 The LlBRAKY, however interesting, was attractive from the 
 superior bindings of the books, which caught the eyes of the 
 spectators upon their entering it; yet, upon a more close 
 examination, by the lovers of literature, it discovered that a 
 MIND had not been wanting in the proprietor, in the selection 
 of the works it contained. 
 
 The portfolio of caricatures, including the whole of the fine 
 and extensive collection of Gilray's works, often afforded 
 great fun and laughter for Jerry ; v,'hile the inimitable wood- 
 cuts, which Tom had been rather prodigal in getting together, 
 by way of a sd-off, astonished Jerry at the great perfection 
 which had been attained in this curious and interesting branch 
 of the arts. 
 
 The Conversation Eoom was equally as elegant and 
 impressive as the other apartments. It was the " gig-shop " 
 of the visitants, but denominated by Bob Logic the Bay of 
 Condolence?- In short, the tout eiisemile of Corinthian House 
 operated so imposingly upon the feelings of those persons of 
 
 1 This room had a variety of names. Its godfathers were also numerous. 
 The Bay of Condolence, as Logic termed it, had afforded him consolation 
 from his pals during the relation of many of his nightly adventures and 
 misfortunes. Jerut used to style it " Harvest Home," from the nu- 
 merous good things which were served up in it. And from the continual 
 huz he had to encounter when any of the hon vivants dropped in to have 
 a bit of chitchat, Tom designated this apartment the "Chaffing Crib J" 
 But it derived its climax from the high-life-idow-stairs gentry who 
 whispered it one to another, as " Hell bkoee loose ! " 
 
176 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 fashion who had been permitted a sight of its interior, that in 
 their instructions to the upholsterer, as far as the inside of 
 this magnificent dwelling could be imitated, the general 
 expression was, " I should like to have my house fitted up 
 exactly after the style of Corinthian Tom's ! " 
 
 Jerry was taking a sly peep at himself in an elegant look- 
 ing-glass that reflected his whole length of person, when Tom 
 suddenly broke in upon him, and, clapping his hand upon his 
 Cousin's shoulder, exclaimed, with a smile — 
 
 " We must assume a style if we have it not !" 
 
 Jerry, rather confusedly, replied, " I understand you ; I must 
 send for your tailor to give me a new touch." " That shall be 
 done without delay,'' said ToM. Mr Primefit, of Eegent 
 Street, was immediately sent for, and ordered to attend upon 
 Mr Hawthorn, with his pattern-card, to take orders. 
 
 But how shall I, unblamed, express 
 
 The awfiil mysteeibs of DRESS ; 
 
 How, all unpractised, dare to tell 
 
 The art sublime, ineffable, 
 
 O/maHng- MIDDLING MEN Zooi- well 
 
 Men who had been such heavy sailors 
 
 But for their shoemakers and tailors ! 
 
 So, by the cutler's sharpening skill, 
 
 The bluntest weapons wound and kiU : 
 
 So, when 'tis scarcely fit to eat, 
 
 Gooi cooks, by dressing, flavour meat. 
 
 And as by steam impressed with motion, 
 
 'Gainst wind and tide, across the ocean. 
 
 The merest tdb will far outstrip 
 
 The progress of the slightest ship 
 
 That ever on the waters glided. 
 
 If with an engine unprovided ; 
 
 Thus BEAUX, in person and in mind 
 
 Excelled by those they leave behind, 
 
 ,i 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 177 
 
 On, through the world, undaunted, press, 
 Backed hy the mighty power of DRESS ; 
 While folks less confident than they, 
 Stare, in mute wonder, — and give way. 
 
 " My dear Coz," said Tom, " we shall soon intermix with 
 the various classes of society ; and although it is not absolutely 
 necessary that you should be able to dispute the accuracy of a 
 Greek quotation with a Porson — contend •with a Mozakt upon 
 the fundamental principles of harmony — enter into a disserta- 
 tion on the properties of light and shade with a Reynolds — 
 quote precedents with a Speaker of the House of Commons — 
 argue law witli an EuDON-— display a knowledge of tactics with 
 a Wellington — write poetry with a Byron — relate history 
 with a Gibbon — contest grammatical points with a Horne 
 ToOKE — wit and eloquence with a Canning — support the Old 
 English CItaracter with a Windham — dance with an Oscar 
 Byrne — fe7ice with an O'Shaunessy — set-to with a Belcher 
 — sing with a Braham — contest the law of nations with a 
 Liverpool — erudition with a Johnson — philosophy with a 
 Paley — the wealth of nations with a Smith — astronomy with 
 an Herschel — physiognomy with a Lavater — equity with a 
 EoMiLLY — and so on to the end of the Chapter of Talents in 
 the Metropohs ; — although it is not necessary, I again repeat, 
 my dear Coz, that you should be able to rival all the traits 
 of excellence possessed by the above characters, yet it is 
 essentially requisite that you should have some knowledge of 
 their respective qualities, and be sensibly alive to their imme- 
 diate value, and the impression they have made on the minds 
 of mankind." " Hold, hold ! " said Jerry, smiling, and 
 making a low bow at the same time ; " there is one person 
 among these distinguished men that you have forgot to 
 mention — Who shall dispute taste with Corinthian Tom ? " 
 
 M 
 
178 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 The latter hero gave rather a graceful noi in return for this 
 unexpected compliment, -which, it should seem, augured to 
 Tom a kind of budding of the lively genius of his Cousin's 
 mind. The Cokinthian had just ordered his servant to 
 hring him " Tlie, Weekly Dispatch," to see how sporting matters 
 had been going on in the Metropolis during his absence from 
 town, Avhen Mr Primefit was announced to Mr Hawthorn 
 to be in waiting to receive his commands. 
 
 Mr Primefit, according to the " counter-talking part of the 
 community," had done " all his dirty Avork ; " and among the 
 needles ^ at the West End of the Town, who must sport a 
 genteel outside, no matter at whose suit, it was observed, 
 between a grin and a pun, that he had not only got rid of all 
 his " lad habits,'' but had likewise outlived his sufferings."^ 
 It was said of this celebrated " ajDparel furnisher," that, if he 
 received the cash for one coat out of three, nothing Avas the 
 matter ! In his intercourse ' with people of fashion, the 
 character that ran before him was a perfectly gentleman 
 tradesman. He had one point in view on setting out in life, 
 and he never lost sight of it. To ask his customers for pay- 
 ment was to lose their custom. Though for the first seven 
 years Dickey Primefit was engaged in cutting-up his cloth, 
 hurried beyond measure, yet those " troublesome customers," 
 
 ^ Otherwise Sliarps. I have not been exactly able to ascertain whether 
 this phrase originated with a Punster ; but it must be admitted it does 
 not want for point. 
 
 2 " Tom Shufieton. — Just as we talk to one another about our coats : 
 
 We never say, ' Who 'a your tailor ? ' We always ask :— ' Who suffers ? ' " 
 
 — John Bull. 
 
 3 This, certainly, must be viewed as an improvement in phraseology. 
 Intercourse is a soft, stylish, and pleasant word. There is nothing plebeian 
 or waiter-fcA about it. 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. i79 
 
 John Doe and Richard Boe, were continually at his elbow, 
 nvdging him to take " measure of their suits " in preference to 
 every other person ; his law expenses and " MTJM tip," ^ in 
 consequence, were frightful ; yet Dicket braved the fury of 
 the woollen draper's "storm'' with the utmost composure. 
 With a placid countenance he never refused credit to any 
 British ofScer, either in the sea or land service, let the dis- 
 tance or uncertainty of the expedition be what it might. The 
 reference of one gentleman to another was quite sufficient to 
 Mr Peimefit ; and the garments were made and sent home 
 without further inquiry or delay. Of course, in return, the 
 charges of Dickey were never overhauled ; indeed, what 
 GENTLEMAN would have behaved so ungentlemanly to a trades- 
 man who was all civility, politeness, and accommodation, from 
 one end of his pattern-card to the other. The business of Mr 
 Prdiefit, therefore, became so extensive, that he sent clothes 
 to all parts of the world. In London, no gentleman, who had 
 been once in the books of Dickey, would listen to the name 
 
 ^ Silence t How extremely poZtJc and j'OTrfenifmZ?^ to inform an individual 
 that lie will be "wanted " on such, a particular day, instead of dragging 
 liim away from liia business and famOy, and locking him up like a felon, 
 besides making a huz about his premises, which not only knocks up his 
 credit in his neighbourhood, but spoils his reputation at a distance. Why, 
 SUCH accommodation is wortji any tip. It is a muUum in parvo trait of 
 " Life in London.'' 
 
 'Tis GOLD 
 Which buys admittance ; oft it doth, yea, make 
 Diana's rangers false themselves, and yield up 
 Their deer to the stand o' th' stealer; and 'tis gold 
 Which makes the true man killed, and saves the thief — 
 Nay, sometimes hangs both thief and true man ; what 
 Can it not do, and umdo ? 
 But after all, it must be viewed as a most liberal accommodation to the 
 unfortunate but embarrassed debtors, and such secrecy has rendered the 
 most important services to thousands of persona in the Metropolis. 
 
i8o LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 of any other tailor, which rendered Peimefit the " go " for a 
 tasty cut, best materials, and first-rate workmanship. Dickey 
 had a " soul above buttons ; " he had no narrow ideas belong- 
 ing to him ; and he flattered himself that, ultimately, it would 
 all be right. " No gentleman," Mr Primefit would often assert, 
 when he has been blamed for giving such an extensive loose 
 sort of credit, " I am convinced, but will act as such, sooner or 
 later, towards me .f" So it proved. Things, at length, took 
 the expected turn. Many long out-standing bills came in. 
 His capital accumulated. His business also increased in so 
 extraordinary a manner that several clerks were necessary to 
 keep it in order, and ensure punctualitij. Dickey was almost 
 as true as a clock to his time, in attending to orders. His 
 character for fashion was so empludic, that numbers of stylish 
 tradesmen, who found it necessary to have a " bettermost 
 coat " by them, for " high days and holidays," regardless of 
 the charge, employed Mr Prbiefit. The sunshine of pro- 
 sperity was now so complete, that not a single bum-trap had 
 crossed the threshold of Dickey's door, in the way of piivate 
 business, for many a long day past. In short, Mr Peimefit 
 had realised the climax of his exertions — he had measured his 
 way into a carriage. Dickey was principally distinguished 
 for the cut of his coats. To Coeinthian Tom he was pecu- 
 liarly indebted, as a leader of the fashion. It was owing to 
 this circumstance that Mr Peimefit waited in person at 
 Corinthian House; indeed, the active use of the scissors and 
 parchment had long been removed from the hands of Dickey, 
 and his principal occupation now consisted in talking over the 
 versatility of fashion to his customers, and giving directions 
 to his men. But the slightest idea that might drop from 
 Coeinthian Tom respecting the advantages of dress was what 
 Dickey could not resist, and he, therefore, ordered his carriage 
 immediately to attend upon our rustic hero. 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. l8r 
 
 Tom and Jekky, previously to the arrival of the apparel- 
 Jurnisher, had been discussing the advantages resulting from 
 dress and address ; and the Corinthian had also been point- 
 ing out to his Coz not to skim too lightly over so important a 
 subject, but to peruse with the most marked attention that 
 grand living BOOK of BOOKS — 
 
 MAN ! ! : 
 " It is worthy, my dear Jerry, to cherish the Poet's obser- 
 vation to its utmost extent," said Tom, "that the consideration 
 of that noblest of animals is one of the most PROPER STUDIES 
 which belong to the education of an individual. It is our 
 duty to trace him through the various avenues that lead to his 
 elevation, and it is also incumbent upon us to penetrate into the 
 dark paths which ultimately bring MAN into a degraded state. 
 The comparisons of many MEN, so often impressed on my 
 memory by my late worthy father, now flash across my 
 recollection so strongly that I will repeat them for your 
 instruction, Jerry, and though rather odd, were not altogether, 
 perhaps, unjust. Some of them he thought bore a likeness 
 to a badly-written dramatic piece, decorated with the most 
 fascinating scenery and caj)tivating music, and many of the 
 audience, upon retiring to their closets, have felt a sort of 
 vexation in being lulled off their guards by such gaudy allure- 
 ments, or that delusion could have been dressed up so speciously 
 as to have overcome the advantages of common sense. Just 
 so, it was my father's opinion, concerning dress, address, and 
 ELOQUENCE ; and he thought Lord Chesterfield had too often 
 been prophetic in declaring a prepossessing appearance to be 
 very imposing, and capable of performing wonders, as it 
 proved frequently the fact, that mankind are so much dazzled 
 with the exterior as not to trouble themselves about any 
 further consideration of the object before them. Have we not 
 experienced, said my father, that many of our most trifling 
 
iSz LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 scribhUrs have found their way into splendid mansions, and, in 
 luxuriant bindings, gained prominent situations in elegant 
 bookcases; while, on the contrary, numerous EMINENT 
 AUTHORS have been consigned to moulder on the shelves in 
 the warehouses of the booksellers, not even partaking of the 
 friendly shelter of hoards. Strip, says he, many orators of 
 their eloquence, and that glare which has misled our feelings, 
 ignis fatuus like, at the moment, and, when leisure occurs to 
 ascertain their real character, it will be found that little more 
 than a mask remains to cover their deceptions. Tear aside the 
 flatterer's art, and a composition of more flimsy materials 
 never appeared to pubHc view. Dissect the 'plausible man of 
 his seeming candour, and pretence will be his most prominent 
 feature. Trace the violent politician through his approaches 
 to patriotism, and you wUl rarely find that he gains the 
 summit of your expectations — ^A true patriot : the fiery 
 ordeal of place, pension, or sinecure, to cluck his violence, 
 creates so strong a blaze on his feelings, that few heroes have 
 escaped its scorching rays ! View the SECTARIST, who 
 preaches, prays, and exhorts his fellow-creatures, that meet 
 weekly to unburden their overloaded consciences, to obtain a 
 crumb of comfort from his exertions — behold this leader of 
 piety, this monument of righteousness, too frequently the slave 
 of avarice, and his ambition prompted more in being the 
 acknowledged head of a party than actuated by those pure 
 motives which true religion never fails to inspire. Analyse 
 the pleadings of some learned counsel, whose highly-coloured 
 description of his client's virtues would ahnost extort admi- 
 ration from the hearers for so good a man, — ^yet be not 
 surprised if, at some futui-e period, on a more intimate ac- 
 quaintance with the person who has been so brUhantly 
 described by a well-rewarded brief, he turn out in reality as 
 different in character as light is to dark. 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 183 
 
 " So numerous are the instances which might be displayed, 
 my dear Coz, ' to hold the mirror, as it were, up to Nature,' 
 that volumes would not suffice to portray the various char- 
 acters which cross our path daily in London. A theoretical 
 inquiry wiU not go far enough in ascertainmg the real features 
 of society in the Metropolis. You are now on the primest spot 
 in all the world : it may he a prejudice,^ but I will show fight 
 in support of this assertion, with the last drop of my blood. 
 I would, therefore, advise you to make the best use of your 
 time. I have seen a great deal of Life myself ; but I have a 
 great deal yet to see J However, I am by no means invulner- 
 able ; and shall, in all probability, be yet ' Jiad ' upon many 
 suits, that at the present moment I am not awalce to. Then 
 let me impress upon your feelings, not to be too confident ; 
 and do not think that in a little time you vnW. be 'UP to every- 
 thing; ' or, to use a current expression among the knowing ones, 
 do not let it be said of you, sneeringly, that you are quarter 
 FLASH, and three parts FOOLISH ! ! ! This is the common 
 error most of the 'darlings'^ and swell Icids of the Metro- 
 poUs split upon. In flattering yourself that you are KNOWING, 
 
 '■ I cannot but think that this expression of Corinthian Tom's must 
 be viewed as " a prejudice ; " though it might claim pardon as an 
 honourable one. Would not La Flew have expressed himself as warmly 
 in favour of Paris ? Who 's to decide ? But, to cut the matter short, the 
 Spaniard would doubtless give the preference to Madiid; the Italian, 
 German, &c., in favour of their native homes, to the end of the chapter ; 
 without poor Paddy's hothering his head in favour of Old Ireland; or 
 Taffy spluttering about the beauties of Wales. Sir Walter Scott 
 might say something handsome about the new Capital of the North. If 
 the expression had been the primest spot for fun, London would have 
 been backed at least even, if not at high odds. 
 
 ' Too many of the young Swells are ruined in disposition, from their 
 cradles, by their fond Mammas. The child of a gentleman must not be 
 contradicted! — ^it would spoU his temper/ 
 
l84 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 whisper into your own ear, and make an allowance that there 
 are to be found in company persons as knowing as yourself, if 
 not more knowing ! by which you will avoid the application of 
 
 the poet : — 
 
 " I am Sir Oracle, 
 And when I ope my lijis let no dog bark ! 
 
 " Yet be the real thing or nothing : if you are University 
 hred, be able to show jonv passport when it is demanded of you 
 at the turnpike-gate of Learning. Eather, at all times, plead 
 IGNORANCE than show it. Better to adopt the ingenious mode 
 of Bosencraniz and Guildenstern in their answers to Hamlet — 
 
 " Ham. Will you play upon this pipe ? 
 
 " Ros. My Lord, I cannot ; I Isnow no touch of it ! 
 
 " Ham. 'Tis as easy as lying. 
 
 " But, if there is one observation more than another that I 
 wish to impress indelibly upon your mind, my dear Coz, it is 
 — never to disgrace and injure the character of a rRiEN*D in 
 that family where you have been introduced as a friend. 
 Let the honour of the husband and the father be preserved 
 inviolable. Never let the once-friendly door be shut against 
 you, as a scoundrel and a hypocrite, and you only be remem- 
 bered as infamous. It may be sermonising, I admit, but it is 
 highly worthy of your best attention ; and, for my own part, 
 amidst my numerous failings, I trust I may, without any 
 egotism, pride myself, in the above instance, in having strictly 
 adhered to an honourable line of conduct. I .have only one 
 more remark, by way of a, finislier," said Tom, smiling ; " when 
 once, Jerry, you have been queered upon any event, remember 
 it in future; for, as my friend Bob Logic says, IT IS A 
 GOOD FLAT THAT IS NEVER DOWN.^ By-the-bye, I 
 
 ' There are numerous persons in the world, that never can be convinced 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 185 
 
 wonder I have not seen him since my return to London. I 
 shall introduce you to him. You will find Logic a most 
 interesting, humorous fellow ; full of anecdote : and, having 
 mixed with all sorts of society, quite at home in all of them.'' 
 
 Mr Pkimefit was now ushered into the Chafing Crib, to 
 receive the necessary instructions for the swell suit^ from the 
 Corinthian ; and Jerry was also in preparation to undergo 
 the tactics and " small talk " of the above celebrated artist.^ 
 The choice of the pattern-card had already been disposed of ; 
 but to procure that " certain sort " of a cut, which tends to 
 give the hero the hole of a gentleman, was rather of too im- 
 portant a nature to be despatched ■\vithout some consideration. 
 It was however obtained. But Mr Primefit was longer than 
 usual in his operations, as his eyes were continually wandering 
 among the great variety of new paintings which had been 
 introduced since his last visit to Corinthian House. Indeed it 
 was a most attractive apartment ; and some little allowance 
 might be made for the unsteadiness of the tailor's optics. The 
 
 o£ their errors. These are the sort oijlats that the cup and ball cliaps like, 
 who will play and stand the grin, till they are completely cleaned out, 
 and have not a mag left to help themselves with. 
 
 ^ Under such hands, Jekby bid fair soon to get rid of his rustic habits, 
 or (perhaps, it might be more correct to observe), in training, under the 
 auspices of Corinthian Tom, in order to become a Swell. A "good 
 appearance,'' of all other considerations, if not absolutely the first, is, 
 however, deemed one of the principal requisites, in high life, to loot: the 
 character of a gentleman. 
 
 * This term, it should seem, had given great offence to several gentle- 
 men of the lyrusli who frequented the Chaffing Orib. But Logic insisted 
 that the point of the thing bore him out. Mr Pkimefit was a person that 
 made use of colours in his profession ; and about his works ligJU and shade 
 were also skilfully displayed. He was, likewise, a man of taste ; and that 
 he possessed a knowledge of the human figure could not be denied. 
 
1 86 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 plate,! without any further comments on the subject, is 
 sufficiently glowing in its representation to give the spectator 
 some idea of its imposing appearance. During the time Mr 
 Peimefit was applying the measure to ascertain the frame of 
 young Hawthorn, the Corinthian smiled to himself at the 
 lusty, unsubdued hack of his merry rustic Coz, at the same 
 time making comparisons, in his own mind, at the vast 
 difference of the hinder parts of his (Zajzrfy-like friends at the 
 west-end of the town, when j)ut into the scale against the 
 country breed of Jerry. Tom laughingly told Prdiefit, 
 that he had not been so well lacked for a long time. The 
 knight of the thimble gave a pohte nod of assent ; and he had 
 scarcely obscured his card, made his exit, and jiopped into his 
 carriage, when Logic, with the freedom of an old friend, came 
 running into the room, and sans ceremonic, began addressing 
 the Corinthian with " My dear Tom, I am glad to see you 
 returned to town. Positively, your absence has made a com- 
 plete blank in the fashionable circles. But I have to con- 
 gratulate you upon your looking so well. This journey has 
 put you all to rights." "It has indeed," repHed ToM j "but 
 let me first introduce to your notice, my doctor,^ Jerry Haw- 
 thorn, Esq., to whom I am indebted for a principal part of 
 my renovation ; and, for the possession of a good heart, an 
 
 1 It was considered a good idea of the Corinthian, to have every article 
 that was NEW first placed in the Chaffing Crib, to undergo the ordeal of the 
 visitors, and then, if pronounced "the thing I" it was removed to another 
 apartment, to remain as a fixture ; while, on the contrary, if the article 
 excited no interest, it was removed altogether. Eut, nine times out of 
 tej, the taste of Tom was admitted to he genuine. 
 
 2 To the cheerful pleasant exercise which Tom enjoyed in the company 
 and sporting pursuits of Jeeby, during his residence at Hawthorn Hall, 
 the Corinthian attributed the speedy renovation of his health. 
 
 Better to hunt in fields for health unbought, 
 Than/ee the doctor for his nauseous deaught ! 
 
1 t--^^ft,-r4 
 
 ,/ .' /.^ 
 
 ■" 
 
 
 1 ::■- ' .- 
 
 
 
 
 _\\ 
 
 'A\ 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 187 
 
 excellent pair of heels, with hands not idle nor deficient, when 
 any occasion may require the use of them, you wiU find my 
 cousin not wanting. And Jerry, in your becoming acquainted 
 with my friend, Egbert Logic, Esq., I have to inform you, 
 that his liead, contains all the treasures, I beg pardon (smiling), 
 all the ' Larks ' of Oxford. You will not only find in him a 
 complete map of the Metropolis, as to peculiar points and 
 situations ; but likowise a pocket-dictionary respecting many 
 of the living characters it contains. Therefore, between you 
 both, you may cJiaff, hit, and run with the gayest boys in our 
 circle of acquaintances. But use him. well. Bob, and remember 
 that he is not yet out of Pupil's Straits, and must not, as you 
 say, be bloivn up at ' Point Nonplus.' " Jerry was quite in 
 the dark as to these latter j)hrases, and appeared rather 
 embarrassed, till LOGIC gave him a friendly grasp of the hand, 
 and told him, he should soon be quite au fait mth them and 
 many more in less than a month. He then took his leave in 
 the same light, airy, and gay manner that he entered ; ob- 
 serving, he should expect to see them both in the Park on the 
 following Sunday. " We shall be there," replied Tom. 
 
 The " swell suit " had been received at Gminthian House ; and 
 the "rustic habits" of Jerry were removed altogether. Mr 
 Pribiefit had most satisfactorily performed his task • Tom 
 also expressed his approbation that so much attention had 
 been paid to his orders ; and Hawthorn felt quite pleased 
 with the talents displayed by his " apparel furnisher," and he 
 scarcely knew himself, as his eye ran over the mirror which 
 reflected the elegant metamorphose he had undergone. 
 
 "My dear Jerry," said Tom, "our horses will soon 'be 
 ready, and we shall then start off for what I term the Show- 
 Shop of the Metropolis — Hyde Park ; which is, in my opinion. 
 
1 88 LIFE IN LONDON: 
 
 one of the most delightful scenes in the world. Indeed it is a 
 fine picture of the English people. 
 
 " Can Kurope, or the world produce. 
 Alike for omaw^mt or dsb, 
 Such MODELS of stout active trim men. 
 Or samples of such lovely women ! 
 Such specimens of ordek, dkzss, 
 Health, comfort, INBRED cleanlincsi, 
 As here displayed, the summer sun 
 Lingering seems proud to shine upon ? 
 
 " It is in this Park, Jerry, that the Prince may be seen 
 dressed as plain as the most humble individual in the king- 
 dom; the Tradesman more stylish in his apparel than his 
 Lordship ; and the Shopman with as fine clothes on his person 
 as a Duke. The Countess not half so much 'bedizened' 
 over as her own Waiting-Maid ; the Apjri'entice Boy as sprucely 
 set offa,s a young sprig of Nobility ; while the Milliner'' s Lass 
 in finery excels the DuCHESS. But the air of independence 
 which each person seems to breathe renders the tout ensemble 
 captivating. 
 
 "The same pursuits together jumble 
 The KICH and poor, the proud and Jmmble, 
 The enfranchised tradesman, if he stirs, 
 yiere jostles half his customers; 
 Here, in a rage, the Bond Street spark 
 Is hearded by his father's clerk ; 
 While yon proud dame (0 sad event !) is 
 Ovi-elbowed by her own apprentice. 
 And since, like others less polite, 
 Fine folks have lungs, and limbs, and sight, 
 All destined to the same employment, 
 All eager for the same enjoyment ; 
 Here sense and nature have it hollow. 
 And FASHION is constrained to follow, 
 To join the vulgar happy crew. 
 And FAIRLY do as others do.'' 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 189 
 
 The servant announced the horses to be in waiting at the 
 door, when ToM and Jerey Avithout delay started off to join 
 the " gay throng," promenading up and down in the Show- 
 Shop. As they rode along through the streets, the COK- 
 INTHIAN good-naturedly hinted to Jkrry, to avoid, if possible, 
 the too common but vulgar practice of turning round to look 
 back after any person whom he might pohit out to his notice. 
 Jerry returned his Coz thanks for his friendly and well- 
 timed advice, and Tom pushed forward, 
 
 To join his cronies in the Park, 
 
 "Fellows o£ likelihood and mark," 
 
 In trot or canter, on the backs 
 
 Of ponies, hunters, chargers, hacks, 
 
 Proud to display their riders' graces 
 
 Through all imaginable paces, 
 
 From walks and ambles up to races ; 
 
 By dint of leather and of steel. 
 
 His bridle up, or dovm his heel ; 
 
 Now dashing on, now lounging slow, 
 
 Through the thronged ride, to Rotten Row ! 
 
 This grand circle of fashion, which suddenly burst upon 
 Jerry, as he entered the gates of the Park, operated rather 
 strongly upon his feelings.^ The long line of splendid 
 equipages, rattUng along, passing and repassing each other, 
 under the guidance of charioteers of the highest blood and 
 pedigree. The prime " hits of blood," from the choicest studs 
 in the kingdom, prancing about as proud as peacocks, and 
 
 ^ The Emperor of Russia, when on a visit to the King of England, 
 was particularly partial to a ride in Hyde-Park. The simplicity, united 
 with the elegance of the scene, delighted the Emperor beyond measure ; 
 and in the warmth of his observations on this occasion, asked, " Where 
 he could see the poor people of England ? " Is it possible that a Jiner, 
 unstudied, more BOUE-felt compliment, yet true, could have been paid 
 to the English Nation. 
 
190 
 
 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 almost unmanageable to their dashing riders. The Goldfinches 
 of the day trying to excel each other in point of coachmanship, 
 turning their vehicles rapidly— almost to the eighteenth part 
 of an inch, and each priding himself in having obtained the 
 character for displaying the most elegant " set-out" The Man 
 OF Ton staring some modest female, that attracts his attention, 
 completely out of countenance; while the Lady of Bank., 
 equally delicate in her ideas of propriety, uses her glass upon 
 the same object, till her carriage removes her out of sight. 
 The Debauchee endeavouring to renovate, or brace himself 
 up with the fine air of the Park, ogling all the girls that cross 
 his path. The Swell Dandy could not exist if he did not 
 show himself in the Park on a Sunday. The Gambler on 
 the look-out to see if any new pigeon appears in the circle, in 
 order to plan future operations that may turn out to his 
 advantage. The pcep-o'-day WoiLiN of Quality, who, night 
 after night, disposes of all her hours of rest in card-parties and 
 routs, is here to be seen riding round the circle to chit-chat and 
 nod to her friends, in order to get rid of her yawnings, and to 
 appear something like being aicakc at dinner-time. The Peer 
 relaxing from his parliamentary duties, and the Member of 
 the Lower House, here take a ride among the various parties 
 in the circle to hear their conduct and measures descanted 
 upon, and likewise to " pick up " a Httle information respect- 
 ing the buz on public affairs. The scheming Procuress sporting 
 some new-caught lady-birds in a splendid carriage, in order to 
 excite attention and to distribute her cards Avith more effect. 
 The wealthy CiT, whose plum has rendered him siveet among 
 his grand nextdoor neighbours at the west-end of the town, 
 here shows himself with all the confidence derived from a splen- 
 did fortune. The extravagant Fancy, "^ making use of a thousand 
 
 ^ " 0, d n tlie expense I " used to be » favourite phrase of a well- 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 191 
 
 little arts that she is mistress of, trying to take the Bliine, out 
 of all the other females in the circle, merely to show the taste 
 and liberality of her Iteeiper. The flashy Tradesman, who laughs 
 at the vulgar prejudices of old sayings and propriety about 
 " keeping your shop and it wUl keep you," here pushes along 
 in his natty gig and prime trotter, and appears upon as " good 
 terms '' with himself as the richest banker in London, laughing 
 in his sleeve at the idea that, if anything goes wrong from 
 his stylish pursuits, a temporary absence from his friends, 
 united with the aid of white-washing, will soon make him 
 " all right" again. The Warrior, too, who has rendered some 
 services to his country, may here be seen j)rancing up and 
 down on his charger, secretly receiving the praises and admira- 
 tion of the passing crowd. Painters on the look-out for 
 cluiracters, and AuiJwrs for the purpose of gaining a knowledge 
 of real life. It is here that the really " GREAT PEOPLE " are 
 to be met with, as well as the " soi-disant GU'EAT " are to be 
 witnessed aping and mimicking the airs of persons of quality 
 on this grand drive of fashion. It ought, however, not to 
 be forgotten, that everything which is lovely, interesting, 
 honourable, virtuous, generous, feeling, witty, elegant, and 
 
 known high-sporting character of great notoriety, a few years since, in the 
 gay world, so the object in view was accomplished; to the effect of 
 having it said of him, that "he had one of the finest women in the 
 kingdom under his protection, and that he had never denied her a single 
 request, although ruin ultimately stared him in the face," in spite of his 
 having one of the most splendid fortunes of the day. But then it was his 
 rAKCY: and some of these fancy articlet, it needs no "ghost from the 
 grave " to prove, have been so expensive in " Life " in London, that even 
 the almost inexhaustible purse of a, personage of very high rank was 
 found to be insufficient to support the wants of a certain lady-hird, long 
 since consigned " to that bourne from whence no traveller returns ;" and 
 the female in question was compelled to retire from such high protection, 
 on that account alone. But more on this subject, anon ! 
 
192 LIFE IN LONDON: 
 
 humane, which tends so much to give the English females 
 a proud superiority over those of most other nations, is here 
 to be met with in a transcendant degree ; and it should also 
 be remembered, that everything which is designing, crafty, 
 plausible, imposing, insinuating, and deluding, is likewise to 
 be run against in these gay paths of pleasure. The passions 
 are all afloat, but GAIETY of disposition overtops the whole. 
 Observation is upon the stretch, — and Scandal, en passant, is 
 in full swing, at the rate of twenty miles an hour. Notoriety 
 here is everything, and the various modes to obtain it are 
 so numerous that the eye is fatigued with the contrast of 
 the elegant and ridiculous forms which so rapidly assail 
 it : and, after all, it is of so fleeting a nature in London, that 
 very few persons can flatter themselves on having notoriety 
 long in their possession. 
 
 The Promenade, or " Ch-and Strut," is equally interesting 
 and attractive, from the numerous characters of both sexes, 
 ogling each other, as they frequently come in rude^ (but 
 
 ^ To " be comfortable" indeed, is altogether an obsolete phrase, now-a- 
 days in the Walks of Fashion. To be invited to a party where jilenty 
 of room is allowed to cut the victuals — stretch yourselves at your ease — 
 and be attended upon in calling for anything you might want, would be 
 considered a dull routine sort of entertainment. Quite shocking! It 
 might do for a " comfortable" farm-house squad. But for Life in London 
 . — it must be crowded walks, positively a well-dressed mob of persons, 
 treading upon each others heels. An ovEnrLOWiNO theatre, where it 
 is necessary to fight for the places after they have been taten. And a 
 ROUT, so oppressed with company, that the ladies and gentlemen are 
 obliged to scramhle and snatch for refreshments, and consider it quite a 
 treat if they have the good luck to procure only a nwutliful I Then it is 
 the thing — the go — quite the Ton ! It is above the low and vulgar ideas 
 of " comfort ! " So emphatically described by the Countess of Fal-lal I 
 "O my dear Lady FinnicTc, the Marchioness of Diamond's rout, last 
 night, exceeded everything of the kind since the Flood. To say it was 
 

JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 193 
 
 fashionable) contact. The Tailor, confined to his shop-board 
 all the week, enjoys the double advantage of gaining a little 
 fresh air in the Park, as well as admiring some of his own 
 performances on the backs of many of the dashing crowd ; and 
 the Milliner, also upon the same errand, not only to improve 
 her health, but to retain in her eye the newest fashions sported 
 in this hemisphere of the GREAT. The pleasure, too, of being 
 known and recognised by your friends and acquaintance. 
 The numerous bows and friendly How d' ye do's ? With that 
 admired sort of Life in London, all jostling against each 
 other in the Park mth the utmost sang-froid. The NoBLEMAN 
 and the Fokel — the Divine and the "Family-man" — the 
 Playee and the Foet — the Impure and the Modest Girl — the 
 Grave and the Gay — the Flash Cove and the Man of 
 Sentiment — the Flat and the Sharp — the Dandy and the 
 Gentleman — the out-and-out Swell and the Groom — the real 
 Sportsman and the Flack Leg — the Heavy Toddlers and 
 the Operators — the dashing Bum Trap and the Shy Cove — 
 the Marchioness and her Coolc — the Duke and the " Dealer 
 in Queer " — the Lady and her Scullion — the Pink of the Ton 
 and his " Rainbow " — the JFliitechapel Knight of the Cleaver 
 and his fat Bib — the Barber's Clerk and the Costard-Monger 
 — the Slavey and her Master — the Surgeon and Reswrection 
 Man — the ardent Lover to catch the smiling eye of his 
 Mistress — the young Blood in search of adventures, and to 
 make assignations : — 
 
 crowded, would be a stupid, indefinite term. All the world was there ; no 
 delicate walking up and down the rooms ; all squeezed together in one mass; 
 the ladies' dresses nearly torn off their backs. There was no such thing as 
 being able to procure the slightest refreshment. The panels of my 
 carriage were broken to pieces in reaching the door of the Marchioness. 
 But I would not have stayed away for the expense of twenty carriages. 
 ! it was delightful." 
 
 N 
 
194 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Alderman Cbamp, anxious to take the air. 
 
 With his young bride so lovingly and fair, 
 
 While a gay BAKE who sees the happy pair, 
 
 A bliss so wonderful resolves to share. 
 
 He whispers, " Madam, you 'm a charming spouse, 
 
 So neat in limb, and then so smooth his irows .'" 
 
 " Sir, I don't understand you."- — " What 's say, dove ? " 
 
 " Nothing, my duck ; I 'd only dropt my glove.'' 
 
 " To-morrow, at the fruit shop, will you come ? 
 
 At twelve o'clock." — " Lord, Sir, how you presume ! " 
 
 " Who 's that that scroudgest — you shan't shove my wife." 
 
 " I shove her ! a good joke, upon my life ! " 
 
 " Leave him to me — how dare you thus to treat me ? " 
 
 " I dare do any thing, if you 'II but meet me." 
 
 " Me meet a man ? I shouldn't have thought of you. 
 
 At TWELVE indeed ! I can't get OUT till TWO." 
 
 Tom and Jerry had scarcely got into tlie ride, in Botten 
 Row, when Tom received a host of nods and smiles from his 
 acquaintances. But who had the CORINTHIAN with him was 
 the question. That was the puzzle to be solved. " He is not 
 of London growth, I 'm sure,'' said the lively Lady Wanton 
 to her sister, the Hon. Miss Satire, as ToM and Jerry rode 
 by her carriage. "His ruddy, unsophisticated, Huntsman's 
 face, bespeaks him of the Tally-ho sort. He is rather a hand- 
 some, well-made fellow, an't he ? " " Handsome, indeed ! " 
 (echoed Miss Satire, accompanied with a most disdainful toss 
 of her head, and putting up her glass and surveying poor 
 Jerry from head to foot with a microscopic eye). "You 
 mean, Sister, that he is decked out in elegant clothes ; but 
 from the awkwardness he displays in them, the wearer seems 
 quite a stranger to such sort of apparel. Indeed, I think he 
 looks like one of the Tally-lw sort, as you call it ; one who has 
 left the rude company of hounds and horses to Tm> with 
 genteel society, under the patronage of the' CoRiNTHlAN ! " 
 " fie!" repUed Lady Wanton, " you are, as usual, ill-natured 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 195 
 
 in your remarks, without a cause. But I dare to say he is 
 rich. : however we shall know more about him when we see 
 Trifle." These, and a thousand other whisper comments, or 
 rather private attacks, had Jeeky to encounter, unknowingly, 
 as he passed up and down the ride. 
 
 The Duchess of Hearts, in her open barouche, came 
 dashing along the ride ; and, upon her Grace perceiving the 
 Corinthian, she gave him a most gracious smile. Tom 
 instantly made up to her carriage, and, with his usual happy 
 talent, introduced to the DuCHESS of Hearts, his cousin, 
 Jerry Hawthorn, Esq. AU eyes were now fixed upon the 
 carriage of the Duchess. Jerry came in for his share of the 
 gaze, as a new hero in the Park, and the crowd began to 
 assemble round her barouche. Poor Jerry, who could take 
 the most dangerous leaps without the slightest hesitation or 
 fear ; wrestle, sing, dance, and talk with all the merry lads of 
 his viUage — squeeze the hand and steal a kiss from the 
 vermilion lips of Mary Eosebud, in the vicinity of Hawtlwrn 
 Hall, with all the confidence of a ToM JoNES — could not look 
 upon the " face divine " of the Duchess. The rustic hero was 
 almost struck dumb, and he appeared shy and embarrassed. 
 The blaze of leauty was too much for his feelings — ^but it was 
 not BEAUTY alone. It was not the still-life beauty of the 
 Sculptor and the Artist, — ^there were no touches of tameness 
 and insipidity about it. It was not merely a beautiful index ; 
 it had a corresponding heart. The eyes spoke volumes of 
 intelligence ; but the smile that animated the features threw 
 such a bewitching fascinating air over the whole of them, as 
 to enrapture every beholder. It was one of Nature's highly 
 finished pieces ; it was a composition of excellence. "Wit and 
 good-nature were seen as playful dimples ; and sensibility and 
 harmony gave a delightful lustre to every part of the coun- 
 
196 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 tenance. Satike and Art did not telong to this face ; indeed, 
 the slightest glance of it evinced that the outhne was talent. 
 The tout-eTisemble was a spell that operated like enchantment 
 on the spectator. But poor Jerry was not the only man who 
 had felt embarrassed on being introduced to the Duchess of 
 Hearts. No, no. Numerous confident heroes, men of the 
 world, too, distinguished for superiority of talent, and who 
 had played the " first fiddle " in most other companies, felt so 
 great an awe in her presence, that long, very long, after they 
 had been permitted to mix in her circle of friends, they looked 
 upon a second situation, in comparison with the witty, en- 
 lightened, elegant, and susceptible DuCHESS, as almost above 
 their grasp. The splendour of riches, as riches, gave no title to 
 pre-eminent attention in her presence : the passport was talent. 
 The MIND was the object looked at, and the Duchess was 
 always surrounded by the first wits of the age. She was a 
 female of great literary attainments, and also a warm admirer 
 of them in other persons. 
 
 Tom and Jerry had scarcely taken their leave of the 
 Duchess when they came uj) with the splendid carriage 
 and retinue of the Marchioness of Diamonds. Jerry 
 had to undergo the ordeal of another introduction : but 
 in this instance he assumed greater confidence. He was 
 not overwhelmed with beauty. The Marchioness wanted 
 that " certain sort of something" so easy to be impressed 
 with, yet so difficult to describe. Everything that Art 
 could supply was employed to embellish and set off her 
 person with effect. The mantua-maker had to alter her dress a 
 hundred times, if it did not make the bust of the Marchioness 
 a perfect model for a statuary to copy from. The taste of the 
 milliner was tortured again and again, to produce unrivalled, 
 exclusive, novelty for the head of this great female leader of 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 197 
 
 the fashion ; and the invention of the jeweller was never 
 allowed to be at rest, in order to give a richness to her person 
 which otherwise could not have been acquired. In short, 
 STYLE was her idol. To gain the name of being the best- 
 dressed lady, and to have her routs the most numerously- 
 attended, were the darling themes of her conversation, and 
 the limit and extent of her ideas. That such a one was 
 denominated a Corinthian, — a dashing fellow, — a huck, — 
 a blood, — the go, — a leader of fashion, &c., was of itself a 
 sufficient recommendation to her notice. She was restless 
 and uneasy except when engaged in some fashionable 
 bustle. Change of scene, to her feelings, according to the 
 fashionable calendar, such as being at Bath, Brighton, 
 Cheltenham, &c., in their seasons, was as necessary as change 
 of apparel. It was too great a bm-e to the Marchioness to 
 inquire about the mind or talents of her acquaintance ; but, if 
 he were rich he was sure of the entrde to her parties. She 
 had abundance of sentiment attached to her cMracter, but not 
 a grain of feeling. The pathetic imaginary tale of distress, 
 highly wrought up in a novel, was delightful, — it was ex- 
 quisite j but an account of real poverty was excruciating 
 to her mind, — it was horrid, — quite disgusting, — shocking, 
 and must not be repeated in her presence. She was entirely 
 made up of AjRT ; anything like unsophisticated nature 
 was brutish, barbarous, and low. Such was the contrast 
 between the above two ladies to whom poor Jerry had 
 been introduced. On turning his head, Hawthorn felt 
 quite delighted to perceive Logic, at no great distance, 
 among the crowd of horsemen; and, with a smile on his 
 countenance, he gently touched the arm of the Corinthian, 
 and observed that his friend Bob was making his way to 
 join their party. The trio was soon complete, and the 
 comical face of Logic prepared them to expect some fun 
 
198 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 and good humour. " Have you seen the Bivinity ? " said 
 the Oxonian to Jerry. " Whom do you mean 1 " " Why, 
 the Duchess of Hearts ! Isn't she a delightful creature? 
 
 and, but for that one failing ! " " Hush ! " cried Tom. 
 
 " Well, never mind, Jerry," said Bob, " more on that head 
 anon ! " 
 
 In going down the ride. Logic pointed out to Jerry 
 the EiCH Old Evergreen. "No general in the ai-my, 
 however attentive to his duty," said Logic, " ever kept a 
 more active foraging party than did this amorous hero. 
 Notwithstanding his allowance of FOUR most splendid esta- 
 blishments to different women, at one period of his life, every 
 pretty face that was comeatable, and every female possessing 
 charms, which could excite any emotion in his amorous breast, 
 was presented at his mansion by his male and female pro- 
 curers. Old Evergreen was considered as the most systematic 
 debauchee on the town ; and although he had injured the 
 peace of mind of lots of most interesting girls, he was never 
 injured in his life. The extent of his purse carried every- 
 thing before it. He was one of the deepest files in London : 
 indeed, he was awake upon every suit. On the turf, or at the 
 table, he was quite at home ; and more young noblemen fell 
 sacrifices to his schemes than to those of any other person 
 who knew how to cut a DTJCE or slip a tray. To the houses 
 of ill-fame he was a contributor that defies description. To 
 relate the manner in which Maria was deceived — Betsy de- 
 coyed — ^Pamela entreated — Agnes persuaded — Charlotte irir 
 veigled — LouiSA cajoled — Nancy tricked — Fakny amused — 
 Caroline played with — Polly shuffled — ^Kitty cheated — Susan 
 imposed upon — Jane hummed — Sally deluded — ^Ellen seduced 
 — Lucy betrayed — Peggy debauched — Sophli duped — Rachel 
 frightened — and Emma coaxed, — ^would be utterly impossible - 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 199 
 
 but that Old Evergreen fulfilled what Shakspeaee has 
 so emphatically described, was never doubted, to those he 
 
 " Op'd the chamber door, 
 Let in a maid, that out a maid 
 Never returned any more ! 
 
 " My dear Jerry," continued Bob, " it was the pride and 
 boast of OM Evergreen that the finest females of this kingdom 
 had, at various times of his life, either adorned his mansion or 
 graced his coach ; and from his cabinet of rarities two great 
 personages had not only been furnished with mistresses, but 
 also several of the most conspicuous characters in the blaze of 
 fashion. So heen a sportsman was Old Evergreen, and so well 
 acquainted with the manoeuvres of the course, that he was not 
 easily jockeyed : but, when a new object appeared in view, no 
 one knew better how to liedge-off than he did, in having no 
 objection that his OLD fMies should run under other names. 
 Old Evergreen had ample resources in replenishing his stud." 
 
 " Wlio is that sprightly-looking young man, with a pretty 
 girl with him, in the single-horse chaise," ^ said Jerry to 
 Logic, " that gave you a nod when he passed us just now 1 " 
 " He is called Bill Dash," replied the Oxonian, and I assure 
 you he is a Swell of the first magnitude, and well breeched. He 
 is one of those characters that will have everything prime 
 about him. He is always talking of behaving like a gentle- 
 man, i.e., to do what is right one man to another. For in- 
 stance, if he makes a bet, to pay it ; — also, if he says a thing, 
 to keep his word ; and if he promises a handsome present to 
 a female, it is done. He is as independent as the wind. He 
 
 ^ See the right-hand side of the plate, where the little boy is running to 
 get out of the way of the horse. 
 
20O LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 does not care for any body. Fond of joking ; but as coarse ai 
 a fishwoman at Billingsgate. Propriety he laughs at ; and the 
 company of modest women he absolutely ridicules. The lady- 
 JirtZ you see with him he has taught to spar; and they fre- 
 quently have a set-to together with the gloves, by way of 
 amusement. Nevertheless, she is a woman of very superior 
 accomplishments. Yet Dash, notwithstanding his eccentri- 
 cities, has numerous good qualities, — he hates canting and 
 hypocrisy beyond expression, but he never wants to be twice 
 asked to relieve the really unfortunate, and drops his Hunt like 
 a generous fellow. I will, Jerry, introduce you to him the 
 first opportunity; and you will find that, in exploring the 
 cJiarader of Bill Dash, your time may be employed to 
 advantage." 
 
 Logic had scarcely concluded his remarks on Dash, when 
 the Honourable Dick Trifle, in his phaeton and four, rapidly 
 passed them. Bob was also known to Trifle ; and received 
 the friendly nod from this first-rate hero of the Dandies. 
 " How strangely he is dressed ! " exclaimed Jerry, in an under- 
 tone, laughing, to LoGlC. " Why, he looks as prim as a lady's 
 maid ! What a fine shape too ! " "Yes," said the Oxonian ; 
 " you must not expect every person, Jerry, to have such a 
 jolly back as you have got. Trifle, you must know, descended 
 from rather a different stock than you did. His father was 
 one of the completest petit mattres ever beheld ; and his delicate 
 MAMAIA was affectation personified. It was an attorneyship 
 marriage on both sides. The only union between the parties 
 was a contiguity of estates. To have made love to each other 
 would have been too much trouble ; and therefore they dis- 
 pensed with it. But the issue of this marriage was the Hon. 
 Dick Trifle — a character strongly depicted by Shakspeare, 
 as one of the 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 201 
 
 " Tribe qf¥ OK, 
 Got 'tween sleep and wake ! 
 
 " But Dick eclipsed his parents, in being the most trifling 
 subject of the three. Study, to Trifle, was the greatest hm-e 
 in the world, and he, in consequence, preferred an opinion 
 ready cut and dried for him to giving himself any trouble upon 
 passing events. He was one of the completest smaiterers of the 
 day ; and employed an intelligent person who read everything 
 for him, and accordingly furnished him with a little ' small 
 talk ' for the companies he mixed with. But he was like a 
 clock that was wound up for a certain number of hours ; if 
 the argument lasted longer, or went beyond his morning's 
 preparation, he was directly at a stand-still. Trifle was 
 prodigiously fond of everything new. He was like a child 
 with a plaything, tired of it in a few hours. His acquaintances 
 were numerous, but they seldom lasted longer than a few days, 
 when he made no hesitation in giving them the ' cut direct.' 
 His splendid fortune gave him rather an air of importance in 
 some peculiar respects ; and for bronze, he was equal to any- 
 thing in the whole list of fashion I He was fond of knowing 
 something about the pedigree of every new hero or heroine 
 that crossed his path, and he employed scouts for that pur- 
 pose ; for this feature, Trifle was distinguished in the higher 
 circles. His dress, upon all occasions, partook of the extremity 
 of fashion, and however ridiculous it might be, he heeded it 
 not, so he could boast of its being new. Indeed, my dear 
 Jerry, it is too true, that in this great Metropolis there are 
 thousands of the above sort of ' apologies ' for men to be met 
 with in a day's walk ; fellows who do not possess one original 
 idea, whose intellectual faculties do not extend beyond the 
 length of their noses, and who are made up of imitation, from 
 the beginning to the end of that Chapter of Caricatures upon 
 the human race ; sullying the dignity of a man, and reducing 
 
202 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 his character to the degradation of the vain luUerfly, or more 
 gaudy ^eacoci." 
 
 "Do you see that well-dressed man, with his hair pow- 
 dered, standing very near Trifle's phaeton," said LoGiC to 
 Jerry, " as I perceive he has been markincf you down as a 
 bird of good plumage, and who may, at some future day, 
 perhaps, answer his purpose for plucldng. He is well known at 
 all the tables ; and always on the look out for a ' good cus- 
 tomer.' He however prefers 'pigeons' He does not want for 
 address ; and his manners are also extremely insinuating. His 
 plausibility of attack is generally so well managed, that strangers 
 are got ' into a string ' before they are aware of their danger. 
 He prides himself always in being worth a tJumsand pounds ; 
 and, hkewise, in never being without it. This large sum 
 principally consists in the value of his articles of dress : and 
 which tend to render his aiDjpearance more imposing, and to 
 give effect to his deeply-laid plans. He is as deliberate as a 
 lawyer ; unitmg the talents of a good actor. His gold watch, 
 chain, and seals are of the first workmanship ; and which he 
 soon contrives to give the stranger a sight of. A diamond 
 shirt-pin, of considerable brilliancy, dazzles the eyes of the 
 spectator. On his little finger he sports a diamond ring, 
 which gives a sort of action to his eloquence, as he is sure to 
 give a flourish with it. His gold-headed cane, finished off in 
 a most attractive style, he always brings into play. He is a 
 complete master of all those ' little arts,' which are so well 
 calculated to prepossess strangers in general that he is a man 
 of considerable importance and property. In point of finesse, 
 he is admitted to be one of the greatest adepts on the town ; 
 and from his ' getting the best ' of most of his opponents, he 
 has been long designated Plausible Jack. He lives in good 
 style; owing to the great success he has had in repeatedly 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 203 
 
 blowing up both, the young and the old at Point Nonplus." " I 
 am quite astonished," said Jerry, " and I feel mucli indebted 
 to your kindness for the hints you have given me." 
 
 Tom, who had been engaged for a short time with some of 
 his acquaintances, now joined Jerry and Logic, and observed 
 to Hawthorn they might as well leave the Park ; and also 
 invited Bob to dine and spend the evening with them at 
 Corinthian House. 
 
 As our heroes were quitting the ride (but owing to some 
 little irregularity which had taken place at the gates leading 
 to Piccadilly, the long string of carriages were for a short time 
 prevented from proceeding), they passed a dashing equipage, 
 in which were seated a plump, rosy-faced, middle-aged female, 
 richly attired, accompanied by three young beautiful girls of 
 the most attractive appearance, and decorated ia the highest 
 style of fashion. Logic, being close to the window of the 
 coach, which was open, was soon recognised as an old friend 
 by the Gouurnante, as she seemed to be, who addressed him in 
 rather an under-tone, with " How do you ? — you are quite a 
 stranger ; " at the same time almost staring poor Jerry out of 
 countenance. The " Three Graces," as Hawthorn thought 
 them to be, with their playful eyes also gave him such good- 
 natured looJcs, almost winking at him, that Jerry appeared 
 "fixed to the spot, as if held by some powerful magnet. Logic 
 gave a nod to the plump lady in return, and, as he did not 
 wish to attract the gaze of the spectators by keeping up a con- 
 versation, he kept moving onwards, to get up with the Corin- 
 thian, who was about a hundred yards before them ; when, 
 by way of a good-bye, the Gouvernante, smiling, observed, " I 
 suppose, it will not be long first, Mr L., before you give us a 
 look in, and perhaps you will bring your friend along with you." 
 
204 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 The carriages were now again in rapid motion, which circum- 
 stance relieved Jerry, as it were, from his temporary trance. 
 " "What lovely girls ! " exclaimed Hawthorn ; " I suppose that 
 is the Mamma, and her three daughters. I declare I was quite 
 struck with their pleasant countenances. You seem an old 
 acquaintance of theirs." Logic said, laughing outright, " Yes, 
 yes ; they are good-natured enough, if you will furnish the 
 means." 
 
 " Hang all the bawds ; for where 'a a greater vice 
 Than taking in young creatures all so nice ? 
 And yet to them, 'tis merely knitting, .spinning — 
 
 No more ! 
 Although the innocent is made a wh : 
 
 With just as much sa-ng-frmd as at their shops 
 The butchers sell rump steaks or mutton chops, 
 
 Or cooks serve up a fish, with skill displayed, 
 So an old Abbess, for the rattling rakes, 
 A tempting dish of human nature makes. 
 
 And dresses up a luscious maid : 
 I rather should have said, indeed, wn-dresses. 
 To please youth's unsanctlfied caresses. 
 
 I like examples of a wicked act. 
 
 Take, therefore, reader, from the bard a fact. 
 
 An old PROCURESS, groaning, sighing, dying, 
 A rake-hell enters the old beldame's room — 
 ' Ha;, mother ! thinking on the day of doom ? 
 
 Hae — dam'me, slabb'ring, whining, praying, crying ? 
 AVell, mother ! what young filly hast thou got, 
 To give a gentleman a little trot ? ' 
 
 ' Captain, pray your idle nonsense cease, 
 And let a poor old soul depart in peace. 
 What wicked things the Devil puts in your head, 
 Wliere can you hope to go wJien you. are dead ? ' 
 
 ' How now, old beldame ? shaming heaven with praying ! 
 Come, come, to business — don't keep such a braying; 
 
yERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 205 
 
 Let 'b see your stuff ; come beldame, show your ware : 
 Some little Pkillis, fresh from country air. 
 
 ' Captain, how impiously you prate. 
 Well, well, I Bee there 's no resisting fate ; 
 
 Go, go to the next room, and there 's a bed. 
 And such a charming creature in 't — such grace ! 
 Such sweet simplicity ! such a face ! 
 
 Captain, you are a devil, you are indeed. 
 
 ' I thank my stars that naught my conscience twits ; 
 
 Which to my parting soul doth joy afford ; 
 O Captain, Captain ; what, for nice young tits. 
 
 What will you do, when I am with the Lord ? ' " 
 
 "What do you mean. Logic?" said Jerry. "I mean to 
 inform you," answered tlie Oxonian, with a grin on his face, 
 " that those three nymphs, who have so much dazzled your 
 optics, are three nuns, and the plump female is Mother .... 
 of great notoriety, but generally designated the Abbess of 
 .... Her residence is at no great distance from one of the 
 royal jjalaces ; and she is distinguished for her bold ingenuous 
 line of conduct in the profession which she has chosen to 
 adopt; so much so, indeed, that she eclipses all her com- 
 petitors in infamy. Honour, however singular it may seem, 
 Mother .... lays claim to as the key-stone of her character. 
 She certainly must be considered as a female of singular pre- 
 tensions ; and materially different from the ' frail sisterhood' 
 in general. Mother .... is also very anxious to preserve 
 something like ' a reputation ; ' that, when she is spoken of 
 amongst the gay votaries of pleasure, it might be said, that 
 the ' devil is iiever Imlf so black as he «5 painted.' This desire of 
 ' reputation,' it ought to be observed, does not originate from 
 the qualms of conscience, but arises from her pecuhar sagacity 
 to prevent interruptions to the business of her house, in order 
 that her visitors may not be ' broken in ' upon, or overhauled 
 by the unmannerly intrusion of the officers of justice, accom- 
 
2 o6 LIFE IN L ONDON. 
 
 panied by distracted parents seeking their deluded cHldren. 
 It is the greatest boast of Motlier .... that she is an open 
 and avowed enemy to seduction, also that the cries and lamen- 
 tations of ruined girls shall not echo along the walls of her 
 mansion. Her maxim is, that good order must be pre- 
 eminent. Force or squeamishness are contrary to her plan ; 
 and the most ready compliance to her wishes, by those persons 
 she admits into her house, must never be lost sight of for an 
 instant. For the better regulation of her mansion, Motlier 
 .... has established a code of laws, which, without hesi- 
 tation, must be agreed to, before any girl can be taken 
 under protection. She is likewise candid and sincere in her 
 professions ; and will not suffer any damsels to enter her 
 service under any species of delusion. It is the general plan 
 of Motlier .... to reason with all those females who claim 
 protection, respecting the course of life they are about to 
 embrace. She points out to them the vicissitudes they are 
 likely to meet with in such an uncertain career ; but par- 
 ticularly to bear in mind, that, whatever disasters may ensue, 
 it is solely attributable to themselves. It must also be well 
 understood, that, in connecting themselves with her household, 
 it is entirely from their own preference and adoption ! and 
 those girls who cannot comply with her dictates had • much 
 better relinquish their intentions. Mother .... is completely 
 a woman of business. She also makes known to those females 
 who apply to her for places, that those girls who conduct 
 themselves well will meet with every indulgence : no pleasure 
 is denied to them : besides, having the pleasure and enjoyment 
 of an elegant carriage, and livery servants to attend upon 
 them to aU the pubhc places of resort. But their characters 
 for honesty must bear the strictest investigation: this point, 
 Motlier .... is very scrupulous in ascertaining : as her house 
 is not only furnished abundantly with plate, but the trinkets 
 
JERRY IN TRAINING FOR A SWELL. 207 
 
 necessary to be displayed on th.eir persons, when she sends 
 them to the Opera, the Theatres, Masquerades, &c., require on 
 her part some little caution. Mother .... always pays great 
 attention to the health of her ladies, as a Son of j3Esculapius 
 belongs to the establishment. The above preUminaries being 
 adjusted, no time is lost in conducting the ' new inmate ' to a 
 most elegaint wardrobe ; where the metamorphose is soon 
 rendered complete ; and Betty, who perhaps had but recently 
 scoured the dirty floor of some humble dwelling, now becomes 
 the fashionable Cyprian, to take wine from the hands of a 
 gentleman. Everything that art can devise to improve the 
 shape ; cosmetics to heighten the complexion • and dresses of 
 the most fascinating description, to render the tout ensemble 
 luxuriantly captivating, are resorted to mth the utmost 
 anxiety. No woman knows the taste of her visitors better 
 than Mother .... It is her peculiar study, and she is con- 
 sidered to excel in all her entertainments : but in keeping her 
 eye towards the ' main chance,' those fashionables who par- 
 ticipate in her midnight revels will soon be taught the 
 necessity of having a long purse. Though modesty is not the 
 motto of Motlier . . . ., yet she is a woman of discernment and 
 polite behaviour. She is not to be easUy duped, and before 
 she introduces her ' new inmates ' to the gallants, she deems 
 it necessary to give them a few instructions, to put them on 
 their guard against many impositions that novices are liable 
 to in the various walks of life. Her particular injunctions to 
 her pupils are, ' However, my girls, you may be amused, never 
 suffer yourselves to be Ullced.' With this advice, the thought- 
 less girls make their appearance in her 'SIwio Boom;' not with 
 the coyness inherent to modesty, but with the loose manners 
 of Bacchantes, singing, 
 
 " ' From tyrant laws and customs free, 
 We follow sweet variety.' 
 
2o8 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 This apartment is particularly calculated, from its elegant 
 embellishments, to co-operate in setting-off to great advan- 
 tage the charms of its female visitors ; and to these regions 
 of pleasure all the gay boys of the Town occasionally resort. 
 Mother .... is indefatigable in her selection, and keeping up 
 her stock of beautiful females. An admittance to her Mansion 
 requires but little introduction ; yet her visitors consist princi- 
 pally of the higher classes of society. However, my dear 
 Jerry, you must excuse me in making any of them public, lest 
 some of the tender part of the Peerage might feel a little 
 squeamish in having the names of their partners brought upon 
 the carpet, as well as a small portion oi grave Senators appear 
 rather hurt at their, amusements being called in question, though 
 many of them might assert, that they only went, as it were, to 
 take, a. peep at the Curiosities in the Abbey.'' 
 
 " Look, look ! " said Jerry, whose attention was suddenly 
 arrested by a row on the path, as the crowd were pushing 
 forward to get through the gate. On inquiry, it turned out, 
 that some thieves, dressed in the first style of fashion, had 
 attempted to pick the pockets of the passengers. Nothing 
 further now transpired, and, in a short time, our HEROES 
 arrived safely at Cminthian House. 
 
CHAPTER IX. 
 
 Tom and Jerry visit the Playhouses. A Stroll through the 
 Saloon of Covent Garden Theatre. Taking " Blue Ruin " 
 at the " Sluicery " after the " Spell is broke up." A Peep 
 into a Coffee-Shop at Midnight. Tom and Jerry in 
 "Trouble" after a "Spree." A Night-Charge at Bow 
 Street Office ; with other matters worth knowing, respecting 
 the wifortunate Cyprian, the feeling Coachman, a7id the 
 generous Magistrate. 
 
 CORINTHIAN TOM, with all liis romantic notions, was 
 not a Don Quixote in his chivalrous exploits ; neither 
 was his proUgi, Jerry, a Sancho Panm in his adventures. 
 Windmills were not the objects of their research and attack; 
 but the gallantry they possessed stood upon higher ground 
 than to suffer distressed damsels to be in want of protectors. 
 Munchausen was however considered too great a traveller to 
 be admitted of the party in their Eambles and Sprees through 
 the Metropolis ; but yet Tom's golden key operated like magic 
 in opening all the doors that opposed his progress ; and his 
 showers of silver were of so pelting and penetrating a nature, 
 that few persons could be found, who possessed courage enough 
 to resist the powerful effects of such a storm. 
 
 The rusticity of Jerry was fast wearing off, and he was 
 gaining confidence every day, under the auspices of Tom, who 
 
2IO LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 had taken some pains to make his Coz, somewhat aw /aii upon 
 most of the subjects that had come before him j and which, 
 added to the assistance of Logic, he bid fair, in a short time, 
 to become as 'prime an article in the " gay throng " as either 
 of the above heroes in kicking up a lark, or to mill his way out 
 of a row ; to pay compliments to the Swell high-bred fair ones 
 at the West End of the Town; to chaff with the flash 
 Mollishers ; ^ and in being at home to "a peg" in all their 
 various Sprees and Eajmbles. Jerry was an apt scholar ; 
 and, in some particular instances, it was thought, he had abeady 
 made a " tie " of it with both his " great " masters. 
 
 To most of Tom's acquaintances he had been introduced ; 
 but an introduction to the lovely, fascinating, Corinthian Kate, 
 it seems, was reserved as a Iiigh treat for JfiRRY, when a more 
 congenial opportunity offered. 
 
 Tom, having pushed the glass about briskly after dinner, 
 proposed a visit to the Theatres. Jerry was all alive, in an 
 instant, at the sound; but the fine old wines of the Corinthian 
 had made him a little " bit on the go,'" and Tom was also in 
 high spirits. LoGiC (who was a great lover of the bottle) was 
 too bosky, as he termed it, to accompany them to the Fields of 
 Temptation. The Oxonian had been quite full of Oxford all the 
 evening, and drinking bumper-toasts to all his friends, the 
 " good fellows " at that University; but more especially to all 
 the " Unfortunates" at the Castle of St Thomas. Logic had been 
 explaining to Jerry the nature of Pupil's Straits. That at 
 present Jerry was also out of Dad's Will. The States of 
 Independence were likewise before him ; but, above all, to keep 
 
 ^ A slang term made use of by thieves and police-officers for low 
 prostitutes. 
 
A SPREE.— TAKING BLUE RUIN. 211 
 
 a good look-out after the Waste of Beady. LOGIC'S comical 
 mug was here so twisted with the hiccough, that he could 
 scarcely articulate, " Jerry, my boy, you have gained a little 
 knowledge respecting the Province of Bacchus ; and you are 
 now (hiccoughing) under the Dynasty of Venus" — The 
 Corinthian observed to his Coz, that, as the " Dustman "''■ 
 was getting fast hold of Logic, they would be off without 
 him. 
 
 Upon their arrival at Drury Lane Theatre, the performances 
 did not operate on their feelings as a source of attraction. It 
 is true they took a glimpse at the play ; but as they did not go 
 for anything like criticism on the abilities of the actors, or to 
 descant upon the merits of the pieces, it was merely a glimpse 
 indeed. Our heroes went upon another errand. Their eyes 
 were directed to different parts of the house : and Tom not 
 meeting with any of his acquaintances at " Old Drury," ^ as 
 he had anticipated, they immediately pushed off to take a 
 peep at Covent Garden Theatre. A hole at the Stage was 
 quite sufficient for their purpose ; and, without any more 
 delay, the Corinthian and Jerry soon bustled into the 
 Saloon. 
 
 Tom and his Coz, had scarcely reached the place for re- 
 freshments, when the bug began, and they were surrounded 
 by numbers of the gay Cyprians, who nightly visit this place. 
 Some of these delicate heroines, which the plate represents, 
 soon began to jeer the Corinthian on the cause of his absence; 
 
 ■^ Sleepy. When a person cannot keep his eyea open, it is said, he has 
 met with the dustman. 
 
 ' Notwithstanding the last two erections of this Theatre, the phrase is 
 so familiar with almost every person acquainted with Theatricals, that it 
 is a question whether it will ever lose the title of " Old Deuby." 
 
2 1 2 LIFE IN L ONDON. 
 
 while others of these Lady-Urds were offering their congratu- 
 lations to him on his restoration to Society. Jerry being in 
 company with so distinguished a hero as Tom was of itself a 
 sufficient source of attraction to these Fancy Pieces (who have 
 an eye to business) to pay their court to Hawthorn ; and, 
 accordingly, their cards were presented to Jerry, in order to 
 grace their lists with the addition of a NEW and rich Friend.'^ 
 These cards rather puzzled Jerry, who appeared astonished 
 that such dashing females should keep sJio^s. Upon Haw- 
 thorn giving a hint on this circumstance to ToM, the latter 
 immediately put an extinguisher on the conversation, with 
 "Hush/" 
 
 The scene altogether made a strong impression on the 
 lively senses of poor Jerry; and more animatedly, perhaps, 
 than if he had not been flushed with wine before he entered 
 the Saloon. He not only asked a variety of questions con- 
 cerning those girls that took his attention, either on account 
 of their beauty, fine figure, or dress ; but also, respecting 
 many of the male promenaders, who appeared to him quite at 
 home, as to a knowledge of and intimate acquaintance with 
 most of these unfortunate females. 
 
 " My dear Coz," whispered the Corinthian, " it would be 
 a most interesting, as well as an extensive work to detail 
 anything like the histories of the Ladies that visit here, 
 accompanied also with the memoirs of their GALLANTS. But 
 take notice of any characters that may appear prominent to 
 you here, and at some future period, if it is in my power, and 
 you remind me of the circumstance, I will give you all the 
 necessary information you require." 
 
 An uulversal phr.ise with the girls of the Town for " their Keepers." 
 
A SPREE.— TAKING BLUE RUIN. 213 
 
 "Who is that fashionably-dressed, gentleman, that seems 
 almost hoisted into the form of an S?" said Jerry. "He 
 was once a distinguished leader of fashion," replied Tom, " but 
 he is on the shelf now." " I think so, indeed," echoed Jerry, 
 "inform has anything to do with it." 
 
 Jerry, who had just entered into a little chit-chat with 
 "Fair Fanny," suddenly recognised a tall thin gentleman, 
 with powdered hair, and about thirty years of age, that passed 
 him, as a person he had seen several times at Bath. " Do 
 you know him ? " said Fanny. " With all his demure looks, 
 he is a precious hypocrite, and expends thousands a-year upon 
 the women. But he will have nothing to say to us girls of 
 the Town. He is only fond of the Slaveys !^ {laughing heartily). 
 I imposed myself upon him once as a Slavey I It is true. Sir, 
 I assure you, that he keeps a man and his wife in London, to 
 whom he allows £500 a-year, for the sole purpose of collecting 
 Slaveys for him ; and they are accordingly sent down once or 
 twice a week, as it may happen, to a receiving-house he has 
 for that purpose, kept by an old woman in Bath. But it is 
 all done upon the sly ; and the greatest secrecy is preserved 
 throughout all the transaction. Indeed, I could not learn his 
 name, nor his residence in that city, it is so well managed. 
 The Slaveys are all well paid, besides their expenses up and 
 down to Bath. He, however, does not make choice of one 
 out of six that is sent to him ; and he never will, on any 
 account whatever, see a girl twice. But modest Slaveys are 
 so scarce an article," said Fanny, laughing outright, " you 
 know, Sir, in the Metropolis, that his procurers in London 
 are obliged to queer him, and they are compelled to resort to 
 
 ^ A slang term for servant maids : ' being servants of all work ; and also 
 iu allusion to their laborious employment and hard work. 
 
214 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 some of the new girls of the Town, and to put them up to the 
 secret before they leave London, to behave themselves modestly 
 upon the occasion. The sums of money that he gets rid of in 
 this way are immense." Jerry appeared so much astonished 
 at the recital of the above circumstances, that he could scarcely 
 give credit to his own ears — 
 
 Can Buch things be ? 
 And overcome us like a summer's cloud. 
 Without our special wonder ! 
 
 The strange tales which Jerry had heard, and the extra- 
 ordinary characters that he had been made acquainted with 
 in the course of the last few days, made him exclaim, " This, 
 indeed, is Life m London ! " 
 
 In the recess, allotted for refreshments, the Plate discovers 
 a rich Old Debauchee, with his finger up, in a sort of " hush " 
 manner, inquiring after "Brilliant Fanny." ^ The fruit- 
 woman ^ is off like shot to search the Theatre for the Lady- 
 bird in question, to inform the " Brilliant " that " her friend " 
 has been inquiring for her. Fanny, decked out with an ele- 
 
 ^ Several of the girls are here known by what are termed " nicknames " 
 according to circumstances, or after their persons. Such as "Brilliant 
 Fannt ! " The friend of Faknt was a, gentleman who hated the trouble 
 of having money about him ; indeed, he was of so extravagant a dispo- 
 sition, that he always " lived in credit I" i.e., he received his money quar- 
 terly, from a large Jewellers' firm; and his creditors, to an accredited 
 amount, were paid one quarter under the other. Fanny never received 
 from " her friend " any cash for her favours, but plenty of Jewellery. Her 
 person was always elegantly decorated with valuable necklaces, ear-rings, 
 &c., which gained her the appellation of " the Bkilliast ! " 
 
 * These persons are of the most accommodating description about the 
 Theatre. They will fetch and carry like a spaniel ; answer any questions 
 about the girls, &c., provided the tip is forthcoming. 
 
A SPREE.— TAKING BLUE RUIN. 215 
 
 gant muff and dashing plume of feathers, is seen skipping 
 along to take a jelly with her Old Gallant. The young Sprig 
 of Nobility, in black, with his glass, is surveying " the Brilliant" 
 as she passes him. Near to Fanny is a gay young fellow, 
 fashionably dressed in blue, arm in arm, with " an antique 
 remnant of fashion," one of the Lord Oglehy tribe, and who has 
 been repeatedly quizzed by " the Brilliant " as being neither 
 "ORNAMENTAL nor useful." But the Antique asserts, if he stays 
 at home a single night, he is devoured with ennui, and that, 
 by way of apology ^ for his appearance in the Saloon, he 
 merely " looks in " to see an old acquaintance, or if anything 
 "new" appears among the stock of Frailties! The "Fair 
 Maeia," dressed in a blue riding-habit, seated on a chair in a 
 corner, near the recess; and the "pretty Ellen" standing 
 behind her, are throwing out " lures," in order to attract the 
 notice of the Corinthian and Jerry. The " Old Guy," on 
 the top of the stairs, with his spectacles on, fast sinking into 
 the " lean and slippered pantaloon," is gently tapping, in an 
 amorous way, the white soft arm of " lusty hlack-eyed Jane ; " 
 and inviting her to partake of a glass of wine, to which she 
 consents in the most " business "-like manner. Indeed, " Black- 
 eyed Jane" has often publicly remarked, that it is immaterial 
 to her whether it is a Duke or his Groom, so that she receives 
 her compliment.^ Several Jewesses may also be recognised 
 promenading up and down the Saloon. In the motley group 
 
 ^ The " qualms o£ conscience " will sometimes intrude, however persons 
 may try to push them oflF. As King Richard observes — 
 
 " Tyrant Conscience ! how dost thou afflict me ! " 
 
 s This lady has such an eye to the "main chance," that, unlike the 
 " frail sisterhood " in general, she has saved a considerable sum of money, 
 which has been placed out at interest in the Bank of England ; and to 
 which sum " llack-eyed Jane " is continually adding. 
 
2 1 6 LIFE IN L ONDON. 
 
 are several Govts of Cases'^ and procuresses, keeping a most 
 vigilant eye that none of their " decked-out girls " hrtish off 
 with the property intrusted to them for the night ; ^ and 
 other persons of the same occupation, may be seen closely 
 WATCHING the females belonging to their establishments, that 
 they are not idle,^ as to the purposes for which those unfortu- 
 nate girls are sent into the Saloon. The Artist has been un- 
 commonly happy in his delineation of the above characters, 
 who made their appearance when the sketch was made. 
 
 Jerry did not feel any inclination to quit the Saloon, from 
 the great attraction and novelty which it had afforded him. 
 He, therefore, kept promenading up and down, indiscriminately 
 cJiattering with one or other of the girls, till the usual mode 
 was adopted of putting out the lights, as the only effectual 
 method of getting rid of such company, who never stand to any 
 consideration about projmehj or time. The Corinthla.n sug- 
 gested to his Coz, that, as the Spell * was broken up, and he 
 
 1 The proprietors of houses of ill-fame. 
 
 ' Several persons near the theatres get their livelihood by letting out 
 dresses to these unfortunate women, at a certain price for the evening ; 
 but, notwithstanding all their " eyes of Argus," they are sometimes duped, 
 by the girls running off with the clothes, &o. 
 
 ^ Others board and lodge the girls in their houses, who are generally 
 kept as dirty as sweeps all the day, but decked out at night like Dttchesses. 
 It is also no uncommon thing for many of these unhappy girls, who are 
 not "in luck," as it is termed, or, niore properly and intelligibly speaking 
 if they do not bring home money, the wages of their prostitution, to be 
 sent to bed supperless, and frequently beaten into the bargain. Their 
 mistresses likewise search them immediately after their gallants have left 
 them, BO that these wretched girls are scarcely ever in the possession of a 
 single shilling. The life of a Peostiidte is of itself a most severe 
 punishment, independent of disease and imprisonment. A volume would 
 not unfold the miseries allied to such a character. 
 
 * So termed from its attraction. A species of enchantment ! 
 
A SPREE.— TAKING SLUE RUIN. 217 
 
 could visit the Saloon as often as he thought proper, for 
 further observations, they •would take a turn to a " Shdcery " 1 
 to have a hit of fan. Jekry, who was now ripe for anything, 
 took hold of Tom's arm, and they immediately left the Theatre. 
 
 This is a fine sketch of real life, and the lovers of character 
 may trace it in every figure in the plate before them. Tom is 
 sluicing the ivory of some of the unfortunate heroines with blue 
 ruin, whom the breaking-up of the Spell has turned-up without 
 any lucJc, in order to send them to their pannies ^ full of spirits. 
 Jekry is in Tip Street upon this occasion, and the MoUishers 
 are all nutty ^ upon him, putting it about, one to another, that 
 he is a well-ireech-ed Swell.''' The left-hand side of the Bar is 
 a " rich bit " of LOW life ; and also points out the depravity 
 of human nature. Gatevjay Peg has just entered for her ninth 
 glass. This " lady-hird," who has not only disposed of many an 
 unruly customer in her time, but buzzed them into the bargain, 
 is taking her drops of jackey with Old Mother Brimstone, 
 %vho has also toddled in to have a flash of lightning before she 
 goes to roost. Both these fair ones (who are as leaky as sieves, 
 from turning their money as fast as they get it into liquor) are 
 cJmffing at "Fat Bet," in consequence of the pretended 
 squeamishness of the latter to Tom, that she had a great ob- 
 jection to every sort of ruin, no matter how it was coloured, 
 since she had been once queered upon that suit. Peg has just 
 given the following toast to Old Brimmy, " Bad luck to the Hus- 
 SEY that would not wash her cap in it, sooner than wear a dirty one." 
 Mother Brimstone, an old cadger, and a morning-sneak covess," 
 
 ^ A gin shop — from the lower orders of society, and women of the 
 town, sluicing their throats as it were with gin. 
 '^ Apartments. ^ Very fond. 
 
 ■* Pockets full of money. 
 ^ Thieves that, just as day begins to break, sneak into the passages of 
 
2i8 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 who is pouring some hlue ruin down the baby's throat to stop 
 its crying, has borrowed the Md^ in order to assist her in ex- 
 citing charity from the passing stranger in the street. Gate- 
 way Peg is a fine but an afflicting portrait of the rapid 
 degradations from virtue to vice. This lum]) of infamy, 
 disease, and wretchedness, was once a well-known toast among 
 the hons mvants for her elegance of person, and has passed some 
 of her thoughtless, but fleeting and splendid hours, in a chariot. 
 The little urchin, who has been dragged out of bed by his mother, 
 and who is seen offering the butter-boat, and begging " that he 
 may be served immediately with a quartern of the best gin, to 
 cure his mammy's pain in the stomach," has scarcely any cover- 
 ing on his back except his father's waistcoat, which has been 
 hastily put on him by his thoughtless parent. The Cove and 
 Covess 2 of the Sluicery, with faces fuU of gammon, and who are 
 pocketing the blunt almost as fast as they can count it, have 
 just been complaining of the wickedness of the times, and the 
 difficulty of "paying their tcay." SwiPY Bill, a translator of 
 Soles,^ who has been out for a day's fuddle, for fear his money 
 should become too troublesome to him, has just called in at the 
 gin Spinners to get rid of his last duce^ by way of a, finish, and 
 to have another drop of blue ruin. This last glass would have 
 floored him, had it not been for the large butt of liquor which 
 he staggered against. Hiccoughing, he swears, "he'll stand 
 by Old Tom while he has a sole left to support such a good 
 
 houses, if the servant maid has left the door open by accident, and take 
 anything within their reach. 
 
 ^ It is a very common practice in Loudon for women to borrow young 
 children to go out begging with. 
 
 ^ The master and mistress of the house, &e. 
 
 ^ A cobbler that can vamp up old shoes to look like new. A prime piece 
 o£ deception ; and those persons who purchase secondhand shoes soon 
 find it out on a wet day. * Twopence. 
 
S Ei 
 
A SPREE.— TAKING BLUE RUIN. 219 
 
 fellow." Kit Blarney, who has just got rid of her si^aU, which 
 had been " up all night " and rather the stronger for the day or 
 two she had had themin her possession, though she had assured 
 her customers all the day they were as fresh as a nosegay, as she 
 had just got them from Billingsgate, has dropped in for the 
 purposes of lighting her short pipe, to get a dra'p of the cratuke, 
 and to get rid of the smell of the fish, which remained ahout 
 her olfactory nerves ! The above scene may be nightly wit- 
 nessed after the Spell is dissolved, but in much more depraved 
 colours than is here represented. It is, however, Life in 
 London. 
 
 The Corinthian and Jerry, who had got rather " a little 
 funny " by this time, from the lots of wiue and line ruin they 
 had drank ia the course of the evening, were recommended by 
 Fat Bet to take a cup of coffee, as it was getting late, which 
 would put them all to rights. Our heroes, on leaving the 
 Sluicery, were not long before they strolled into a Coffee-shop. 
 
 This group (which the plate so correctly delineates, and in 
 point of character, equal to any of Hogarth's celebrated pro- 
 ductions) displays a complete picture of what is termed " Low 
 Life" in the Metropolis ; drunkenness, beggary, lewdness, and 
 carelessness, being its prominent features. It is, however, 
 quite new to thousands in London. Tom and Jerry have just 
 dropped in, by way of a finish to the evening, in their route 
 towards home, and quite prime for a larJc. Knowing the use 
 of their morleys, fear is out of the question ; and coffee or a 
 twrnrWjp is equally indifferent to them. Upon the entrance of 
 these Swells, a general stare is the result : the Cyprians are 
 throwing their leering ogles towards them, in hopes of procuring 
 a Cull; and if the latter are caught any ways incUned to roosting 
 from being swipy, the young Imzmen will make them pay dearly 
 
2 20 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 for the few win'k& they may enjoy. " Maliogany Bet" so termed 
 from her never-fading colour, who has braved the wind and 
 weather, night after night, under some gateway, for succeeding 
 winters, but quite done up as to matters of trade, and as hoarse 
 as a raven, is now glad to singe a muffin, by way of sarvitude, 
 to prevent total starvation ; and " Pretty Poll," on the right- 
 hand side of the fire-place, gvlpin-g down some coffee, once the 
 boast of the Garden for her beauty, is now so bloated and 
 loathsome as to prove disgusting even to the lowest visitors of 
 a coffee-shop. Over the fire-place, as if in contempt of the sub- 
 jects, the Cove of the Ken, has placed the portraits of Innocence 
 and Virtue. Squinting Nan, full of Zm5A,i jealousy,^ and indig- 
 nation at Dirty Suke, for seducing her fancy-man from her, is 
 getting over the box to sarve the hunter out for her duplicity, 
 which tends to kick up a general row. Suke swears by her 
 precious sparklers that she will have a fight for Jem. Nan has 
 nearly knocked the coffee out of the Mack diamond's hand, who 
 
 ' Drink. 
 
 ^ To describe this "sensation," in the instance alluded to, is totally 
 impossible ; but, however degrading and repugnant it may appear to the 
 feelings of human nature, it is too true, that there are to be found in the 
 Metropolis thousands of men who exist entirely on the prostitution of 
 women. Females, who daily and nightly walk the streets of London for 
 the sole purpose of getting a livelihood, and to support such a set of 
 wretches. But the most extraordinary circumstances attached to these 
 disgusting fellows are (so finely described by the poet, 
 
 All are not men that bear the human form !) 
 that these unfortunate women suffer themselves to be beaten by them • 
 and also carry their fondness to such an excess for those "petticoat 
 pensioners," that, if they catch them with any other girls, their jealousy 
 is so great, that they will fight and tear off the clothes of the suspected 
 females, in order to be revenged for the inconstancy of their " fancy-men '' 
 although in the habit of prostitution themselves. It is impossible to 
 account for this inconsistency of feeling. 
 
A SPREE.— TAKING BL UE R UIN. 2 21 
 
 is growling like a bear at losing a drap of it. Ugly Bob, a 
 waterman to the Jarvies, is endeavouring to obtain a " chaste 
 salute" from the lips of Frowsy Sail; but she is blowing up the 
 nasty fellow for his imperance ; and says " she will iWAmh his 
 kpper, if he attempts to take any more liberties with her per- 
 son." The little mot who is trying it on upon Jerry's die, to 
 feel if any blunt is to be had, has just turned round to the_^Mg- 
 falcer, begging the dirty fellow to keep his distance ; and Jem 
 Spendall, almost in the last stage of a consumption, of a 
 shabby genteel appearance, standing up, with a pot in his hand 
 near Squinting Nan, was once one of the gayest young swells 
 upon the town, whom ToM has just recognised. But owing to 
 a combination of unfortunate circumstances, such as gambling, 
 dissipation, &c., he is so cut up, that all his old pals have 
 turned their backs upon him. The chap in the corner, with 
 his hat on the top of his head and his arms crossed, near 
 Mahogany Bet, has been chaffing Spendall the whole of the 
 evening, about his being so cucumberish as to be compelled to 
 gammon tJie draper,^ making the room ring again with noisy 
 peals of laughter at the distress of the unfortunate /w??m. 
 
 Some of the kids, anxious for a lark, are determined to serve 
 out the Swells, as they term Tom and Jerry ; and the office 
 has been given to shove the poor flue-faker against Tom's light 
 drab coat. The Corinthian, being no novice in these matters, 
 floored two or three of the musty coves in a twinkling. The 
 row then became general — the glims were all darkened, and the 
 whole of the party were soon out in the street to settle their 
 differences. Jerry proved himself a trump; and Tom told 
 
 ' When a man is without a shirt, and is buttoned up close to his neck, 
 with merely a handkerchief round it, to make an appearance of cleanliness, 
 it is termed, "gammoning tlie draper I" 
 
2 22 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 him not to give a chance away, wlieii they milled all the chaps 
 that opposed them. The tables being thus unexpectedly 
 turned upon those midnight birds, " Watch, watch," was 
 vociferously called — the rattles were aU in motion — and lots 
 of Charleys came toddling up to the spot. The Corinthian 
 ultimately was overpowered by numbers, and lugged off to the 
 Watch-house. 
 
 Our heroes were soon in " irouhle " after this spree ; and the 
 plate is an exact sketch of a Watch-house scene at midnight. 
 This feature is what the bons vivants term being pounded ; i.e., 
 being caught astray from propriety ; or, in other words, when 
 the wine is in the wit is out. The Corinthian is " trying it 
 on " to get out of trouble, and to gammon Old Snoozy, the 
 night-constable, that his word must be taken because he is a 
 gentleman.^ Jerry, on finding his Coz in danger, endeavoured 
 to rescue him from the rude grasp of the guardians of night ; 
 and, as he was now getting a little flash, he tripped-up two of 
 the Charleys, as he said, without charging them " a halfpenny 
 for it ; " but, as he could not fight a mob, he was obliged to 
 give way to numbers, and also suffer himself to be dragged 
 into the Watch-house. All Tom's eloquence was of no avail, 
 as Old Snoozy would not dismiss the complaint "at any 
 price." On the left side of the plate, one of the cofiee-shop 
 party is tipping a CMrley to buff'' it strong against ToM and 
 Jerry, as they are first-rate Swells, and that " something 
 may be made of them." Jerry appears so strong, that half a 
 dozen of these old cripples can scarcely hold him. The bleed- 
 ing mug of the watchman, together with his broken lantern, 
 
 ■' Old Snoozt asserts, that they have nothing else hut gemmen, Memhera 
 of Parliament, &c., who kick up rows and are brought to the Watch-house. 
 But it 's all gammon — ^it won't do. 
 
 ' To try it on. 
 

 
 O 
 
 > 
 q: 
 a: 
 
A SPREE.— TAKING BLUE RUIN. 223 
 
 were such, strong evidence against tke muscular powers of our 
 heroes, that Old Snoozy observed, he could only befriend the 
 gentleman so far as to admit them to bail ; but the charge 
 against them must be entered in the book, and be disposed of 
 the next morning before the Magistrates at Bow Street. Bail 
 was accordingly procured ; and our heroes, in a rattler, arrived 
 at an early hour at Corinthian House once more in 'safety, 
 but rather in a sleepy, worn-out condition. 
 
 By the time that ToM and Jerry had taken their breakfast, 
 and dressed themselves, the dial pointed out to them it was 
 near one o'clock, the hour appointed for their appearance at 
 Bow Street. Upon the arrival of our heroes at this public 
 office, several night-charges, besides matters of felony, were 
 waiting for the decision of the Magistrates ; in consequence of 
 which, the Corinthian and Jerry seated themselves till it 
 came to their turn to be heard. Hawthorn was so much 
 taken up with the novelty of the circumstances before him, 
 that it nearly escaped his memory that he attended at Bow 
 Street on purpose to answer for his breaking the peace. 
 
 During their stay, the following interesting scene took 
 place. An elegant but unfortunate young female, it seems, 
 whom poverty had reduced to its lowest ebb, had, in a fit of 
 desperation, almost as her last resource, called a hackney 
 coach, and drove to a house in a respectable street near 
 G-rosvenor Square, to solicit relief of a friend who had known 
 her when Virtue and Prosperity shone upon her. But, alas ! 
 the door was shut against her, and she was ordered to depart 
 without delay. This shock was almost too much for her 
 already agitated frame, but the reUef of a feiv tears enabled 
 her to order the coachman to proceed to an elegant mansion 
 in Portland Place. It was the residence of her seducer — the 
 
224 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 origin of all Ler misfortunes ; — it was also the dwelling of her 
 keeper, who, when satiated with her lovely person, had 
 abandoned her to the wide world. To him she now applied 
 for a few pounds, in order to escape the horrible life of a 
 street walker — and, like a humble penitent, to return to her 
 home, and to sue for forgiveness, even at the feet of her agonised 
 and distracted relatives. Upon her sending a message to see 
 this gentleman, the answer returned to this unfortunate creature 
 produced so violent a fit of hysterics, that the coachman could 
 scarcely restore her to her senses : — it was " that if she did not 
 instantly quit the place an officer of justice would he sent for, and 
 herself given into custody." She then drove to one or two 
 other houses with no better success. On her arrival at Lin- 
 coln's Inn Fields, in a state of frenzy, she wished to quit 
 the coach, but only gave the coachman three shillings. Some 
 little altercation ensued, as the long time the coachman 
 had been employed made his fare amount to a heavy charge. 
 Jarvey finding no means of settling the dispute, took the 
 summary mode of driving this unfortunate girl to Bow 
 Street Office, and represented his complaint to the Magistrate. 
 The latter person informed her that if she did not pay 
 the coachman he must be under the painful necessity of 
 committing her to prison. Her elegance of deportment — 
 her manners, so truly interesting — and her tale of the 
 injuries and misfortunes she had sustamed, was so artlessly 
 told, that not a dry eye was to be seen in the Office. In 
 a tone that penetrated every heart, she represented to the 
 Magistrate, " that she loas now quite indifferent as to ichat 
 might become of Jier ! " " Can you take any less, Coach- 
 man?" said the Magistrate. "No, sir; I am but a poor 
 sarvant, with a wife and family to support; and my master 
 is a very hard man, who will make me account and pay 
 for my time; or else, I would not say anything about 
 
A SPREE.— TAKING BLUE RUIN. "225 
 
 it for myself ! " After a short pause, and in great agitation 
 of body and mind, she took out of her pocket-book two 
 shillings, and, putting them down on the table, scarcely 
 able to give utterance, " that it was ALL THE MONEY 
 SHE POSSESSED IN THE WORLD. She was sorry for the 
 Coachman : he was not to blame ; indeed, he had been 
 more kind to her than otherwise. She had never cheated 
 any person in her life, and it was the first time she had ever 
 appeared before a Magistrate : " — her tears now prevented her 
 from proceeding. Jarvis took up the two shillings by the 
 order of the Magistrate ; but instantly throwing one of them 
 out of his hand (the tear starting from his eye), exclaimed 
 (with as fine pathos as Mrs Siddons in the best of her perfor- 
 mances, — but it was Nature that spoke), " It sltxiU never he said 
 
 tliat Bill tooh the last shilling from a woman in distress. 
 
 No, no. I 'II manage it somehow with my master. And, my girl, if 
 you will hut tell me where you live, I will also drive you home, if you 
 live as far off as Barnet .'" "I have no residence ! — I am without 
 a home. I sold all my clothes yesterday to discharge my 
 lodgings ; I have not a friend in the w-o-r-l-d ! " (sobhing 
 violently). The Magistrate was overcome ; and Justice was 
 never seen to greater advantage. The scene was affectingly im- 
 pressive. The hand of the Magistrate, as if involuntarily, pro- 
 duced the purse out of his pocket in an instant, but his tongue 
 could scarcely articulate — " No, my good fellow, you shall 
 
 NOT LOSE YOUR EXPENSES — THERE THEY ARE FOR YOU" 
 
 {putting down the rncmy). "Your generous and manly con- 
 duct DESERVES more THAN YOUR FARE ! " To the unfortu- 
 nate female, who had nearly fainted away, he observed, " My 
 poor girl, I am sorry for your situation. There is a three- 
 shilling piece for you. Let me entreat you to return to the 
 path of virtue. Repent of what is past j and you may yet be- 
 come, by your future conduct, a useful and a go6d member of 
 
2 26 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 society." This admonition, although delivered in the most 
 expressive manner, had not a single harsh accent of reproof 
 connected with it. The generous conduct which this unfortu- 
 nate girl had experienced, both from the Magistrate and the 
 Coachman, seemed to have fixed her to the spot : but, when she 
 recovered the possession of herself, the superior manners she 
 displayed in returning thanks to the worthy Magistrate and 
 honest Jarvy, and the way in which she took her leave of the 
 Office, touched every one present. Indeed, it was a fine scene 
 altogether. It was one of Nature's richest moments. De- 
 scription, either from the pencil or the pen, must fall short in 
 communicating it. My Uncle Toby would have hobbled on 
 crutches one hundred miles to have witnessed it ; and Corporal 
 Tbim would never have related the circumstance without hlul- 
 hering over it for an hour. Sternk would have made a com- 
 plete chapter of it. The Dead Ass at Nampont — the Friar — 
 and Maria of Moulines, were not finer pictures of the human 
 heart, either in richness of colouring, grandness of design, or 
 eoftness of touch, than the eloquence of Nature displayed in 
 the unfortunate Cyprian's case at Bow Street. Jerry at the 
 request of Tom, endeavoured to overtake the coach, in order 
 to ascertain its number : but the idea struck Tom too late to 
 give Hawthorn an opportunity of comiag up with the vehicle. 
 Upon Jerry's retumiag, he observed, the Coachman was out 
 of sight. This was a great disappointment to Corinthian 
 Tom, and he exclaimed, " I am very sorry for that j but I trust, 
 my dear friend, that so generous and feeling a fellow will 
 never be OUT OF SIGHT of the liberal and good-hearted of 
 mankind ! " 
 
 The plate is an accurate representation of the Public Office, 
 Bow Street : and the portrait pf Coachy, is a fine specimen of 
 the talents of the artist in his personification of character. 
 
A SPREE. — TAKING BL UE R UlN. 227 
 
 The countenances of the prisoners, as standing in the felon's 
 box with irons on their legs, are also depicted with great feli- 
 city of expression. 
 
 The Corinthian and Jerry were now called upon to 
 defend themselves agaiust the charge made hy Barney ff Bother, 
 the watchman ; who may be recognised in the plate, standing 
 near the unfortunate Cyprian, dressed quite theatrically'^ for 
 the part he was about to play. Barney's head was tied up 
 with a handkerchief; in his right hand he held a broken 
 lantern, a sort of stage property, that had been brought forward 
 on many similar occasions ; and in his left a damaged rattle, 
 also an old performer at Bow Street. A threadbare coat, 
 torn in sUts, likewise ready for any emergency, completed the 
 denouement, ^arne^/ told a prime "tough story" to the Magis- 
 trate, laying it on rare and thick against the Corinthian ; and 
 as to the country-looking gentleman, Barney obser/ed, " that 
 he had not only spoilt the look of his face ; but had nearly 
 knocked out one of his eyes. That he was as strong as a lion, 
 as he had hate down, with as much ase as if he had been 
 mowing of grass, Pat Sullivan, Tim By an, Boger M' Oar thy, and 
 Dennis 0' Bryan, whom he had called in to assist him in keep- 
 ing the pace ; and plase your honour, when I talked to the 
 jontleman about it, he said he would not cMrge them a halfpenny 
 for it. My coat, your worship, has also been torn into paces, 
 
 1 Nine times out of ten the Watchmen " get the best " of the night- 
 cliargea. They are frequently in the right, there is no doubt ; but, as they 
 always have a broken lantern by them, with the other little et ceteras, 
 ready cut and dried, to produce, it necessary, in order to give a kind of 
 emphasis and cliaracter to their statements, besides having " the puU " in 
 their favour in opening the charge and colouring it as they think proper, 
 little hopes can be entertained of any one, who unfortunately may be 
 engaged in a night-row, getting through " the piece " before a Magistrate. 
 
228 . LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 and my rattle and lantern broke into the bargain." The 
 Corinthian endeavoured to refute the charge made by Barney, 
 by stating that the principal part of it was a " made, up" ONE. 
 The Magistrate observed, that he had no alternative but to 
 order the expenses of the watchman to be paid, for the damage 
 he had received, as the latter had sworn to it. He, therefore, 
 advised them to retire and make it up. Tom and Jerry 
 took the hint, made their bows to the Justice, settled the 
 difference with the Charley, and soon returned to Corinthian 
 House, where Logic had been waiting their return for a short 
 time, in order to have a bit of fun with them on their night's 
 
 SPREE. 
 
CHAPTER X. 
 
 Tom and Jerry at a Masquerade Supper at the Opera House. 
 An Assignation. A Lounge in Bond Street. A Visit to 
 Mr Jackson's Rooms. Tom, Logic, and Jerry call 
 upon the Champion of England, to view his Parlour 
 and the Silver Cup. A Turn into the Westminster Pit, 
 to sport their Blunt on the Phenomenon Monkey. Finishing 
 tlie Evening, and " getting the best of a Charley." 
 
 JERRY frequently had a hearty laugh at the Coffee-Shop 
 Row, whenever it came across his mind; indeed, the 
 incidents of the night were of too comic a description easily 
 to escape from his memory ; but, in repeating the unfortunate 
 Cyprian's case at Bow Street to his acquaintances, in which 
 Jerry took great delight, he was considerably aifected. 
 Often would Jerry break out in raptures " that Coachy was 
 a trump indeed I " and ToM, equally animated, exclaimed, 
 " There was a fine heart under a rough garment ; and if I 
 did but know where to find the generous fellow, I would 
 make him a present of as good a coach and horses as could be 
 purchased." 
 
 Worth makes the man, and want of it the fellow; 
 The rest is all but leather or prunella. 
 
 Logic was so often at the elbow of Hawthorn, that the 
 latter was rapidly getting aivake to the tricks and fancies of 
 
230 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 London, and could appear at almost any place without 
 showing symptoms of the Johnny Eaw ! ToM, therefore, 
 proposed, as a diversity of scene, that Jerry should go with 
 him to the masquerade, at the Opera House. The only 
 difficulty which existed on the subject was — what character 
 Jerry could joersonify to the most advantage and with ease 
 to himself. Logic, with a grin on his face, suggested that 
 Jerry would be quite " at home " if he went as a Huntsman. 
 It was a sure place to turn-up plenty of game; and, with his 
 whip in his hand, he would have an opportunity of lashing all 
 the FOLLY that might surround him. The " view halloo" (of 
 which he was so complete a master), now and then introduced, 
 would give such a finish to his character, that he might hunt 
 the place with all the confidence of an old masquerader. 
 " Bravo ! " cried ToM, " I like the idea. What do you say to 
 it, Jerry ? " " Under your direction, my dear CoZ," replied 
 Hawthorn, " I cannot fail. Give me but a few hints before 
 we start, and I will do my best to play my part to your 
 satisfaction." " It shall be so ; and what cliaracter do you 
 intend to personify. Logic?" said the Corinthian. The 
 Oxonian thought that he should merely parade the room in a 
 domino for the first half hour; and if he then felt himself in 
 a humour to have " a bit of fun," he would attempt to assume 
 a character. Dresses were procured without delay, when ToM 
 soon became attired as the gay libertine, X)oft Criovanni; Jerry 
 was metamorphosed into the Sunisjnan ; and comical Bob 
 obscured iti a black domino. All being ready, this prime 
 TRIO started off full of spirits, determined to have a complete 
 night of it at the Masquerade. Logic had made up his mind 
 to quiz and teaze both his friends ; and his intention in going 
 in a domino was, that he could slip out unobserved, change 
 his dress, and return in a character, in the assumption of which 
 he might be less liable to meet with detection from the 
 

 3 
 
 z 
 
 s 
 o 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 231 
 
 Corinthian and Jerry. Logic felt quite pleased at the fun 
 which he had pictured to himself he should experience in 
 crossing his two friends, while their minds were entirely 
 engaged in the surrounding scene, and, perhaps, thrown off 
 their guard; and, also, in being frequently at their elbows 
 when they thought that he was placidly pacing up and down 
 the rooms as a silent spectator, in an insignificant domino. 
 
 Jerry had received his cue from the Corinthian ; and he 
 also picked up a few loose hints from Logic, as they rode in 
 the carriage through the streets. Bob screwed up his comical 
 face, assuming a sort of gravity, and assured Hawthorn that 
 a Masquerade represented one of those luxurious moments when 
 scarcely anything but the passions prevail. It is also a fine 
 picture of " Life " in the Metropolis. It has its attractions and 
 its drawbacks. " For my own part," said Logic, " I have been 
 delighted beyond measure at the extraordinary talents that I 
 have met with at this species of amusement, as well as having 
 been disgusted with witnessing impudence substituted for 
 ABILITY; but, nevertheless, the contrast is not only entertaining 
 but profitable, as it affords degrees of comparison towards 
 acquiring a more intimate acquaintance with the various 
 classes of society. A Masquerade, at all events, gives an op- 
 portunity for the exhibition of talents. The searcJiers after fun 
 may either find it or create it. The man of wit may sJww it. 
 The PUNSTER be quite ' at home.' The SATIRIST have full 
 scope for his powers of ridicule. The DANCER may sport a 
 foe with effect and applause; and the LOVERS OF MUSIC enjoy a 
 treat. The singer can amuse the company and be amused in 
 return. The serious hero can scarcely be serious at a Mas- 
 querade, but then he may keep his laugh to himself under his 
 mask : and, however strange it may appear, yet such is the 
 fact, that the fastidious person may still remain fastidums in 
 
232 LtFE IN LONDON. 
 
 tlie motley group by which he is surrounded, under the pro- 
 tection of his disguise. It is true, the dashing Cyprian here some- 
 times throws her lait to inveigle the gallants /Ms/i«i with wine, 
 tossing her head, and passing herself off as a woman of quality, 
 to make a better bargain for her favours. The Man of tlie World 
 repairs to a Masquerade in search of adventures. The modest 
 folks, but yet curious ones, who may have felt a Avish just to 
 have it to say in company, ' they have been at a Masquerade 
 once in their lives;' yet, perhaps, have reason to repent it as long 
 as they exist. The genteel thief, in order to rob the unwary under 
 the appearance of a person of rank ; and whose assumption of 
 consequence, if detected in the act, is almost enough to appal an 
 OLD TRAP, under the fear that he has laid hold of the wrong 
 person. The decked-out procuress, parading up and down, to 
 keep a sharp look-out after her young brood, that none of them 
 might fly off with her finery, wliich she has lent out at above 100 
 per cent, profit, to embellish their unhappy frames. The dissi- 
 pated of all ranks drop in here, by way of an excuse to try to get 
 rid of their ennui for half an hour, in search of NOVELTY : and 
 the wind-up of the critic is, ' that a Masquerade in England ^ 
 is one of the dullest species of amusement ; and that though 
 the room is full of characters, in point of fact, it really pos- 
 sesses no cJiaracter at all for merit and talent : ' nay, he terms 
 it shocking, and quite a bore." 
 
 " A view hallo for the critic," interrupted Jeery. " So say 
 I," rejoined Logic, " and you may travel from Dan to Beer- 
 sheba and cry ' all is barren ! ' But I am not one of that de- 
 
 ^ Notwithstanding the great vivacity of the French people, the Mas- 
 querades in England have heen considered, with all their defects, by most 
 travellers, to be, in point of spirit and characters, much superior to such 
 amusements in France. Punch, and Punchinello being by far the most 
 numerous personages at a French Masquerade. 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 233 
 
 Bcription. I am for life and a curricle : and, as it is the opinion 
 of a noble Law Lord,i given without a. fee (a man of the most 
 distinguished talents and eloquence), ' ilmt a little MIRTH in 
 this MELANCHOLY LIFE is a good thing' I mean to act upon it. 
 The unmasking at the supper-table, my dear boy, you will en- 
 joy, as it is often a great source of laughter and surprise, when 
 it discovers the faces of numerous acquaintances, who have 
 been playing off their wit and raUlery against each other all 
 the evening, under their various disguises. A MASQUERADE 
 is an unsorted class of society, I readily admit ; but are you not 
 liable to mix with bad persons in the best-regulated companies? 
 Even robberies have been frequently committed in churches ; and 
 if you keep aloof from mankind on that account, you may soon 
 become a crying philosopher, afraid to stir from your own fire- 
 side, in order to prevent contamination, and be devoured by 
 hypochondriacism the remainder of your days. It principally 
 depends, in my humble opinion, on the strength of mind pos- 
 sessed by the persons themselves." Here Logic was inter- 
 rupted by their arrival at the Opera House. ' ' Well done ! " cries 
 the Corinthian ; " most impartially argued, Bob. Now for 
 it, Jerry; remember, that 
 
 ' All tlie world 's a stage, 
 And all the men and women mebelt players ; 
 They have their exits and their entrances, 
 And one man in his time plays many parts.' " 
 
 "Enough," replied Hawthorn ; "I shall do my best." 
 
 It was about twelve o'clock when our trio entered 
 the Masquerade : they were in a right humour for fun 
 
 J Erskine. — This opinion is certainly a good one, either in point of law 
 or fact. 
 
234 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 and the scene before them, having taken a glass or two of 
 Tom's rich old wines, the vivifying qualities of which would 
 almost make the dumb to cliatter. The stage exhibited a 
 most extensive motley group. The illuminations were 
 not only splendid, but profuse, in all parts of the house; 
 the bands of music all in full sound ; and the gallery, opened 
 for the admission of spectators, displayed a most brilliant as- 
 semblage of company. Indeed, it was an imposing scene 
 altogether, however familiar the eye might be with amuse- 
 ments of this kind. The activity, life, fun, frolic, gaiety, 
 mirth, and good humour which presented itself, gave it that 
 peculiar sort of interest which renders description imperfect to 
 a person who never witnessed the variety of incidents that 
 occur at a Masquerade. Country dances were well executed 
 by some of the characters : others portraying their knowledge 
 of attitudes in the elegant but lascivious waltz : quadrilles were 
 performed with great taste: heavy-heeled HARLEQUINS in 
 abundance; and plenty of CLOWNS not possessing sense enough 
 to play the fool ! Sailors ignorant of the difference between 
 larboard and starboard, and who never had had even a glimpse 
 of the ocean : Ballad-singers without the slightest knowledge 
 of music, yet with pockets full of notes : Orange-Girls more 
 civil than their oranges, and far more inviting than their fruit 
 — though not exactly after the manner of — 
 
 Aa saucy, leering, playhouse Nan, 
 
 A plump and forward wench, 
 With basket hanging on her arm. 
 
 Came striding o'er each bench : 
 AVith notes so shrill her fruit she cries. 
 
 To tempt the beaux and belles, 
 " Do you not want any oranges, 
 
 Or some choice nonpareils ? " 
 A BUCK observed the sparkling nymph, 
 
 And as she sidled by. 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 235 
 
 He squeezed her hand and praised it mucli, 
 
 And kiss'd her on the sly. 
 The girl to freedoms such as these 
 
 Had been aocustom'd long ; 
 She let him do whate'er he pleased. 
 
 Nor thought him in the wrong ! 
 
 Lots of Domino heroes, courageous in. their attacks upon char- 
 acters, yet not possessing courage enough to attempt a 
 character. Country Bumpkins, who never lost sight of Lunnun, 
 with a Goclcmy dialect. Counsellors, with wigs and gowns, 
 but no lawyers. Doctors, full of prescriptions, in search of 
 patients, without troubling themselves about a knowledge of 
 the fulse. ABBESSES without nunneries ; and NuNS who 
 despised "the veil" altogether. Yet here and there this 
 insipidity was reheved by a sprinkling of talent, — a lively re 
 partee, — a lonne louche, — a character almost Mithout a fault, 
 — elegantly attired females, witty and interesting, singing three 
 or four lines of some well-known airs, with such delightful 
 melody, as to leave a regret that the ear could catch no more 
 of them ; and comical fellows exerting themselves to promote 
 mirth, continually passing and repassing each other, to render 
 this diversified assemblage, with all its defects, nevertheless 
 prominent and attractive. 
 
 Such a lively scene could not but operate upon the mind of 
 Jerry, although he had been in a great degree prepared for 
 it by Tom and Logic, and he seemed so dazzled for the instant, 
 that he was in the act of drawing backwards, as if afraid to 
 proceed, when Logic whispered into his ear to "go it ! " 
 Jerry soon started from his surprise, and gave the mew-JiaJloo 
 so loud and fine as to attract the attention of most of the 
 company towards him, and then dashing into the thickest of 
 the group, with so much life and spirit, as if determined to 
 
236 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 keep up the delusion, with all the animation of a real fox-chase, 
 with a fine country before him, and the dogs and horsemen at 
 his heels. 
 
 From the flattering reception Jerry met with in traversing 
 these regions of frolic and fun, he soon overcame his fears ; 
 and the Corinthian felt quite pleased that his ■proUgi had 
 acquitted himself with so much talent. Indeed, from the 
 vivacity he exhibited, Jerry appeared more like an "old 
 stager''' in these revels than the inexperienced fearful debMant: 
 in fact, Hawthorn was so much alive to the scene before him, 
 that he hallooed, sung, and slashed along with his whip, till 
 he was almost exhausted, and compelled to sit down. TOM 
 (as his Donship) had been also actively engaged in distributing 
 a thousand elegant compliments to the lovely fair ones ; and 
 Logic, under the domino, had been " going it " upon a few of 
 his friends with much humour. The time of ToM and Jerry 
 had been so pleasingly occupied, that neither of them had 
 bestowed one thought about Logic. The Oxonian, taking 
 advantage of this circumstance, had slipped out to the ward- 
 robe, and changed his black dress for a pink one. He now 
 approached Jerry, and, altering the tone of his voice, observed, 
 " Mr Huntsman, you seem to have been upon a good scent : 
 have had rare sport : and met with finer game here than ever 
 you turned up in the neighbourhood of Hawtliorn Hall ! " 
 " Who the deuce is that," cries Hawthorn, "that knows me 
 here 1 " But LOGIC had dashed into the midst of the crowd of 
 masks, and was lost sight of before Jerry recovered from his 
 surprise. The Oxonian soon afterwards came across ToM, who 
 was surrounded by a host of ladies, listening to the foUoiving 
 song, which the OoRiNTHiAN had nearly concluded : — 
 
 Go not yet, for now 's the time. 
 
 The " hoys " are all bang-up and prime, 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 237 
 
 Full of %purik — ripe for a lark — 
 
 " Damn the expense ! " exclaims each spark, 
 
 In spirits every one. 
 My dears, you know, you need not Hush, 
 Nor be afraid, or cry out " husk J " 
 Then grant the favour that I ask, 
 No one knows you under your mask. 
 
 Then stay ! Oh, be gay. 
 Away with coyness and parade, 
 'Tis all fair at a Masquerade, 
 
 Or wherefore do we come ? 
 
 The hours fly, the Poet sings, 
 And Scandal here has got no wings ; 
 For here we meet " upon the sly," 
 And all too game to cry " Ofiel " 
 
 A truce to love's alarms. 
 " Good characters " here consist in dress. 
 Your lovely charms then let me press ; 
 Your honour 's safe, my life, my heart. 
 Then be not ci-uel e'er we part. 
 
 Oh, be gay ! Then stay. 
 Away with coyness and parade, 
 'Tis all fair at a Masquerade, 
 
 Or wherefore do we come? 
 
 Logic stopped Tom's career all of a sudden, with "Mighty Don, 
 if you are so very liberal to those ladies, you will not have 
 left the hundredth part of a compliment for pool' Corinthian 
 Kate, who is now closely besieged by the Grand Turk, 
 on yonder seat." Logic could scarcely articulate the words 
 for laugiiter; when he was off again like a shot. TOM blushed 
 under his mask, and felt rather mortified for the neglect he 
 had shown to Kate ; and instantly went in pursuit of her. 
 Logic, who well knew Tom's feelings on this tender subject, 
 thought this would be the case, and stationed himself near 
 the Turk, to witness his manoeuvres, and to enjoy the hoax he 
 had practised on his fiiend. The Corinthian approached the 
 
238 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 lady under the protection of the Turk, and, rather in an 
 agitated soft tone, said, " My dear Kate ! — Kate, ! — Kate, ! — 
 my love ! " but receiving no answer, he was about to take 
 hold of her hand, when Logic started forwards, and assuming 
 a solemn tone of voice, articulated, " Eash man, beware ! you 
 know not what you do. Have you no regard for your life ? 
 You are sure to be strangled if the Grand Turh perceives your 
 attack upon this favourite lady of his Harem, and to whom 
 he has just thrown the handkerchief." "A fig for his bow- 
 string, scymitar, poison-bowl, guards, and all," said ToM; 
 then, turning towards the lady, with a touch of the pathos 
 exclaimed — 
 
 " There is more peril in thine eyes, Kate, 
 Thau twenty of their swords ! " 
 
 Logic could not contain himself any longer at this piece of 
 fun which he had made; but, bursting out into a hearty 
 laugh, and, making use of an old pun, told ToM "that he 
 was MisSi-talcen ; it was all a Jioax : and asked him if he 
 did not know his old Pal Bob Logic ? " " Confound you," 
 replied the CORINTHIAN, " you had nearly brought me 
 into a troublesome scrape, and made me feel for the moment 
 rather uncomfortable ; but no matter now as you have 
 explained it. Where's Jerry?" Our heroes immediately 
 went in search of HAWTHORN, whom they found animatedly 
 pressing the hand of a Nun, and soliciting with great 
 ardour, a sight of her face, her name, &c., praising her shape 
 and make, and saying how much he admired her. Logic 
 and Tom did not interrupt the Ute-bAete, but kept aloof, waiting 
 to see the dinouement. The lady, it seems, having caught 
 sight of Jerry's countenance, unknown to him, at an early 
 part of the evening while he was taking some refreshment, 
 recognised him as the proUgi of the Corinthian, and with 
 much ndiveti asked Jerry, if he followed all his sporting 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPEK. 239 
 
 pursuits with -so much ardour. " You certainly, Sir," said the 
 lady, laughing, " appear to he an apt scholar, and have done 
 credit to the instructions of your master ; and as hunting seems 
 to he jo\iT forte, I flatter myself I can afford you the pleasures 
 of a long chase. But you must not hold me any longer, as I 
 really must endeavour to join my company." " My dear 
 lady," in a most impassioned manner, replied Hawthoen, still 
 pressing her hand, " let me not be at fault — let me obtain the 
 
 right scent, favour me with your card, and upon my" 
 
 " Hold, Mr Tallyho ! no professions, the only cte you will 
 
 obtain from me is No ! no ! you shall have no clue at all 
 
 from me. What am I about ? A complete stranger, and to 
 O dear, Sir ! how can you make such an improper re- 
 quest 1 " But Jerry was too much of a sportsman to quit the 
 field, at least, without " marking down his bird ;" and there- 
 fore pressed his request with redoubled ardour. " Well, then," 
 said the lady, " since you are determined not to receive any 
 denial, and will not let me go without an answer, take the first 
 letter from the solution of each of the following sentences, 
 and you will not need any further information." Jerry was 
 all attention to derive the secret of his inquiries. 
 
 " What men love ; 
 What very few ladies can do without ; 
 What they like dangling after their trains ; 
 What they cannot resist ; 
 What they never like to be called ; 
 And what the ladies are always in search of." 
 
 " Cruel fair one, to impose on me a task only fit for a conjurer 
 to resolve ! " exclaimed Jerry ; " and thus to tantahse and 
 perplex me. But surely you will not leave me thus in the 
 
 dark to " " Ofle/ Mi Tallyho. Cruel, indeed ! Have I 
 
 not (smiling) been very explicit, and hberal in my information 
 towards you 1 Well, then, one word more : if you should 
 
Z40 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 obtain the due, you will also derive a term from whicli every 
 lady wishes to escape. 
 
 " Then hunt it out ; I will you greet. 
 Kindly welcome, when next we meet. 
 
 '' Good-bye, good-bye." Jekky felt so surprised at this uuejc- 
 pected adventure, that he stood like one in a trance,, contemplat- 
 ing the wit and talents displayed by his incognita, while the 
 lady, with a graceful nod, skipped off ; and in all probability 
 he might have remained in his reverie for some minutes, if the 
 laughter and two hearty slaps on the shoulder from Tom and 
 Logic had not brought him to his recollection. " "What ! " 
 cries Tom, "&% fault, my dear Coz, and the gartw in view?" 
 " To her, to her, my boy," said Logic. " I am completely 
 thrownrout," replied Jerry ; " and if you. Logic, and the 
 Corinthian, do not lend me your assistance to expound a 
 riddle the lady has left me, I shaU never be able to run her 
 down." " Let us hear this riddle," said Tom. " Logic is a good 
 hand at making out conundrums." Jerry then repeated to 
 them the sentences from the answers to which he was to take 
 the first letter. " It is more Hke an acrostic than a riddle," 
 exclaimed the Oxonian; " and I have no doubt ' we three 
 loggerheads ' can make it out. But I think I know the lady." 
 " Who is she ? " asked Jerry, with great earnestness. " Do 
 not be in such a hurry," replied Logic ; " it requires some 
 little caution before I mention the name of any female. I may 
 be very wrong to judge from the mere sliape of a lady in dis- 
 guise ; but the voice seemed familiar to me, as I caught the 
 last sound of ' Good-bye.' " Here the conversation was inter- 
 rupted by one of the characters, as a ballad-singer, amusing a 
 group of masquers with the following eomic song : — 
 
 To the Masquerade we go. 
 To meet with fun and gig ; 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 24 1 
 
 But it often proves our woe ; 
 
 I '11 instance Dicky Fig. 
 Mrs Fig did sob and sigh 
 
 To see the Masquerade; 
 But Dicky cried " fie ! " 
 'Tisn't fit for us in trade. 
 Chorus — Then all run 
 To see fun 
 At a Masquerade. 
 
 Now Dicky was a rover, 
 
 A gallant, gay young man ; 
 He sent his wife to Dover — 
 
 Then called upon his Nan ; 
 Saying now I '11 please my fancy. 
 
 For I have lost my wife ; 
 Then come, my dearest Nancy, 
 The comfort of my life. 
 Chorus — Then all run 
 To see fun 
 At a Masquerade. 
 
 Mrs Fig wa'd not be cheated. 
 
 Out of " this here " treat ; 
 In the country, defeated, 
 
 So " hid " in the next street — 
 For she had a lover, 
 
 As I heard 'em talk ; 
 A sprightly dashing Glover, 
 She didn't like to balk. 
 Chords — Then all run 
 To see fun 
 At a Masquerade. 
 
 To the Masquerade they went. 
 
 Quite charmed with the sight. 
 But soon they did repent, 
 
 With sorrow and affright ! 
 Miss Nancy lost her lover. 
 
 In confusion of the place ; 
 
242 LIFE IN LONDON: 
 
 Mrs Fig miss'd the Glover, 
 And couldn't him trace. 
 Chords — Then all run 
 To see fun 
 At a Masquebade. 
 
 They ran about distracted, 
 
 Seeking of their lovea ; 
 By every mask attracted, 
 
 Like two unhappy doves. 
 When full of wine and fire. 
 
 This frisky little gig ; 
 Wish'd a lady to retire, 
 Behold ! 'twas Mrs Fig. 
 Chords — Then all run 
 To see fun 
 At a Masquerade. 
 
 Thus Fig made love to wife. 
 
 The wife to Dicky Fig ; 
 Producing blows and strife, 
 
 Turn'd out a funny rig : 
 Mrs Fig did cry and pout — 
 " you naughty rover ! " 
 '' Yes, Marm, I 've found you out, 
 Is this the road to Dover ? " 
 Chorus — Then all run 
 To see fun 
 At a Masquerade. 
 
 So good people come and see. 
 
 And don't be afraid ; 
 Your sure of fun and glea 
 
 At a Masquerade, 
 But to avoid all strife, 
 
 Tho' you be a kovbk ; 
 Don't make love " to wife,'' 
 
 " Thinlc of the road to Dover /^' 
 Chorus— Then all run 
 To see fun 
 At a Masquerade. 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 243 
 
 " I saw Sir Eichard Wanton here," said Logic, " aud I 
 have no doubt, the Old Flat has come to the Masquerade to 
 please and humour his wife, whom he is doatingly fond of. 
 There is a great disparity of years between them ; it is almost 
 January and May : but the immense fortune of Sir Eichard, 
 I am well assured, was the only attraction that obtained the 
 hand of the lady, backed by her parents, as being a most 
 excellent match. As to love on her part, psha ! But the old 
 boy can refuse her nothing ; and upon several occasions she 
 has made him look perfectly ridiculous. "^ "If she has done 
 nothing more than that," said Tom, "it is of no consequence. 
 Only ridiculous, Bob, is a mere bagatelle. But, Jerry, how 
 did you get into chat with her? " " The Nun" replied Haw- 
 thorn, " had lost her party, and I caught her on the wing, 
 and promised to assist her to find them ; but there was 
 something so witty and interesting belonging to her, that 
 instead of angrily telling her 
 
 " To go to a nunnery, go ! 
 
 That heaven had made her one face, 
 And that she had made it another." 
 
 Ko, no ! I am not so much out of temper with the fair sex ; 
 but I strove gently to detain and amuse her ; and, as she did 
 
 ^ When the Countess of , a lady eminently distinguished for 
 
 the propriety of her conduct, and the mother of a once beautiful Duchess, 
 
 complained to the Duke of respecting her daughter's weariDg 
 
 such out-of-the-way high feathers — that it was perfectly ridiculous — the 
 laugh and talt of the whole town ; and, as her daughter's husband, she 
 begged of him to remonstrate with her on the folly and levity of her 
 behaviour, the Duke, witb a good-natured smile on his face, replied, " I 
 thank your Ladyship for the anxiety you have expressed on my account, 
 and also for your feelings as a parent ; but if her Grace does not put any- 
 thing upon my head to make it uncomfortable, I cannot refuse her the 
 liberty to decorate her own as she pleases." 
 
244 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 not seem very anxious to rejoin her party, I endeavoured to 
 make the most of my time by pressing her for a meeting at 
 some future period, in case her friends should come upon us 
 suddenly, and I might, in consequence, be separated from her 
 without obtaining the desired information." " Very gallant, 
 indeed," said Logic, " and perhaps if you had personified Don 
 Quixote here, it would have been a more appropriate character 
 for you. But do you recollect anything particular about the 
 dress or the person of the Nun?" " Yes, yes, I do ; she is 
 
 very prominent about ," Jerry whispering into the ear 
 
 of the Oxonian. " That 's enough, I am off," observed Logic ; 
 " and I will ascertain, if possible, if I am right in my conjec- 
 tures."' " Success attend you," said Jerry, taking hold of the 
 arm of Tom, and once more joining the motley group. Their 
 progress was soon arrested by the sounds of the favourite air 
 from Guy Mannering, as they anticipated, of " slumber, my 
 darling ! " However, on going into the crowd, they were not 
 only surprised, but amused, with the following parody on that 
 delightful piece of music by a female character, habited a la 
 Poissarde, and who, disdaining any imitations of those cele- 
 brated singers that have distinguished themselves in the 
 execution of this delightful ballad, chaunted it in all the 
 richness of slang that characterises the neighbourhoods of 
 Nightingale Lane and Tothill Fields. 
 
 O slumber my Kid-wy,^ thy dad is a scampi' 
 Thy mother 's a hunter,^ brush'd off on the tramp; ' 
 She 's sold all her sprats, and left nothing for thee, 
 And got lushy " with dafi/,^ and out on a Spkee ! ' 
 
 Then rest thee, Kid, rest thee, Kid, snooze^ while you can, 
 If you open your peepers ' you '11 go without scran ! '" 
 
 ^ A young one. ^ Footpad. ^ A low, loose woman. 
 
 * Walking. ' Drunk. « Gin. ? Out on a hit of fun. 
 
 8 Sleep. » Eyes. i" Victuals. 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 245 
 
 slumber, my Kid-wy, I no longer can stop, 
 For to-morrow poor Jemmy will be topp'd ^ on the drop ; ^ 
 Though I 'm napping my bib,^ yet I hope he '11 die proud,* 
 And all the PKIGS ° shell out ' to buy him a shroud ! 
 
 Then rest, &c. 
 
 Then, my Kid, if you live, I trust you '11 prove game,' 
 An out-and-out ^ good one, and true to your /ame ; " 
 But cut all the huzmen^" and do the thing right, 
 Learn the use of your morleys,^'- and show the traps " fight. 
 Then rest thee, Kid, rest thee. Kid, snooze while you can. 
 If you open your peepers you '11 go without seran. 
 
 The trio was once more formed by the return of Logic. 
 " It is all up," said he to Jerey, " I have lost all traces of the 
 fair Nun : but a truce to grieving ; you are a good sportsman, 
 and will soon turn up more game!" (laughing.) "Come, 
 come," replied HAWTHORN, " no more of your fun : I am sure 
 you have accomplished your errand; therefore, keep me no 
 longer in suspense." "Well, well," answered the Oxonian, 
 " I think I have ; but first we will retire to a seat in yonder 
 corner, and, over a cup of coffee, let us all cudgel our brains 
 to expound this riddle, as you call it, to see whether the 
 application of the letters bears any analogy to the name of the 
 lady I have in view." Both ToM and Jerry immediately 
 acquiesced with this proposition. Logic, who was rather 
 clever in giving explanations to matters of this kind, and with 
 some little assistance from ToM, after a short period, pro- 
 nounced it most certainly to be as follows : — that 
 
 ^ Hung. ^ Gallows. 
 
 ' Crying, and wiping the eyes with an apron. 
 
 • An expression among abandoned women of the town, when any of 
 them lose their flash man, as " Well, how did Bob die ? " 
 = Thieves. ' Subscribe, or club their pence together, 
 
 ' Courage. ° Complete — perfection — nothing wanting. 
 
 » A girl. " Pickpockets. " Hands. " Police-officers. 
 
OMEN ! 
 RT ! 
 
 UMBEES ! 
 
 IME 
 
 ld! 
 
 OVELTT ! 
 
 246 LIFE IN LONDON, 
 
 ACROSTIC. 
 
 What all men love.. ^^ is W 
 
 What few women can do without is A 
 
 What they like dangling after their trains is N 
 
 What they cannot resist is T 
 
 What they never like to be called is 
 
 And what the ladies are always in search of... is N 
 
 "And what female who possesses anything like a character, 
 that does not wish to escape being termed a Wanton!" 
 "Excellently well made out!" said ToM: "you have not, 
 Logic, thrown away all your time at the University, I must 
 confess." Jerry rubbed his hands with glee, and joined in 
 the praises of the Corinthian that Logic was a clever fellow. 
 The trio, after some little consultation on the subject, decided 
 that the "fair Nun," from the questions she had given to 
 Jerry, answered the description, and could be no other 
 person than the lively Lady Wanton. 
 
 On the supper being announced, the rooms were thrown 
 open for the reception of the company ; but the rush of both 
 male and female characters was so great, to obtain good seats, 
 that it should almost seem three parts of them had been 
 without food for a wcek,i from the very eager and hungrj- 
 mode of attack they commenced upon the dishes which were 
 placed before them. Tom (as may be witnessed in the Plate) 
 displayed the utmost gallantry in his attention to the ladies ; 
 
 ^ The vulgar phrase of "I'll have my whach, if it makes me sick I" is in 
 most of the above instances completely verified. The emptying of plates, 
 — the cutting and coming again, — tossing off the wine like water, — 
 demolishing the tarts, — and swallowing the jellies, not only exhibits 
 such a taste for gluttony, but evinces that most of the supper folks are 
 determined not to pay half-a-guinea for nothing. Yet to the lovers of 
 life and observation, the witnessing of such » scene, where so many 
 mouths are all actively employed, and the remarks which also occur on 
 such an occasion, is worth half-a-guinea at any time, without partaking of 
 the slightest refreshment. 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 247 
 
 and Jerky, perceiving that some of the company were dis- 
 posed to have a little fun, was determined not to be a jot 
 behind-hand with any of the most lively heroes connected with 
 the motley group. A strong Clown began the larh, after the 
 manner of a " comic hit " ^ in a Pantomime, by jumping on the 
 table, and nearly upsetting one of the glass chandeliers, then 
 sticking a knife into a fowl, which a Counsellor was cutting up, 
 bore it off in triumph, and asked the Lawyer, if he had not 
 cut his client ? When a Punster ^ thought he had said one of 
 his best things, by observing, that it was most certainly "foul" 
 play. Another hero, of the same class of would-be wits, urged 
 it was, however, completely in point, as Counsellors were gener- 
 ally concerned in most cases of robbery ; and Jerry, to give 
 a climax to the thing in question, laughingly told ToM, that, 
 in suiting the action to the word, by flogging the Clown off 
 the table, if he had not used Mr Merryman according to his 
 deserts, it could not be said, that he had 'scaped a whipping. — 
 Hem! Shakspeare! The "knight of the woeful countenance" 
 appears to be quite exhausted with his search after windmills, 
 and is Ijdng on the ground. The NuN, who is seated between 
 the Coalheaver and the Fireman, does not seem very scrupulous 
 about taking " her drops ; " and is also laughing to herself at 
 the row which is likely to take place between her helegant 
 admirers ; both of whom have been labouring to say something 
 handsome to her respecting her charms. The Coalheaver, 
 rather angry at the supposed advantage his opponent has got 
 
 ^ Without attempting anything like a pun upon this theatrical phrase, 
 performers in general are so fond of " comic bits," as to admit they are 
 food to them. Ask Joey Munden, Emery, Matthews, Litton, Sarley, &c., 
 or any of the heroes belonging to the Mxsa-cutting company ? 
 
 ' There are many unfortunate cripples in this walk of pun, so very lame 
 and distorted upon every subject, that, instead of creating a laugh, they 
 mostly claim our pity, if not excite our disgust. 
 
248 LIFE IN LONDON: 
 
 over him with the lady, and valuing himself on his strength, 
 is pulling the Fireman's long snout ; while the latter, as he 
 termed it, in consequence of the rudeness of such a fellow, 
 threatens to spoil his fingers with his chiv?- The flinty 
 MoRDECAi, who would sooner "lose his life than lohs propertish," 
 on most occasions, but amorously inclined in the present 
 instance, is giving way to his feelings, and don't care a single 
 farthing about his " Monish," so he can but gain his object ; 
 but, nevertheless, he cannot persuade the pig-faced lady to 
 unmask, " at any price." The Jack Tar is quite pleased with 
 his night's cruise, and is continually singing out, " What a 
 prime Shindy, my Messmates." Harlequin is " trying it on " 
 with the lady near him to become his Columbine; and, if 
 she will but consent to his wishes, he declares, that, with only 
 a touch of his bat, he can make her happiness complete. The 
 wine had been pushed about so briskly during the time of 
 supper, that the most numerous part of the company, from its 
 potent effects, were fast losing their diffidence and reserve, 
 which had rendered them so dull and flat the previous part of 
 the evening, and were getting as lively and as gay as could be 
 wished, each contributing somehoio or otlier towards the mirth 
 and variety of the scene. 
 
 Supper being over, the stage once more became thronged 
 with characters, that might be said to be more alive than 
 heretofore; and reeling with several of them required no 
 assumption to execute new steps. Tom, as Giovanni, amorously 
 paid his court to all the ladies that crossed his path, from the 
 squeamish NuN to the saucy Poll Slammerkin ; and, being 
 elevated with wine, the various modes he took of introducing 
 himself to the females, according to the difference of the 
 characters they represented, produced considerable mirth and 
 
 ' Knife. 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 249 
 
 laughter. Jerry was also primed for any pursuit, and he 
 hunted up the game, throughout all the groups, with the true 
 spirit of a sportsman, almost splitting the ears of many of the 
 delicate "fair ones," who complained of the loudness of his 
 view-halloo. Logic, by this time, was completely in for it ; 
 and rather troubled with the hiccough, which was fast increas- 
 ing upon him, from the copious libations he had taken at the 
 supper-table, drinking to the shrines of Venus and Bacchus, 
 till he had become quite comical, and, with a bottle and glass 
 in his hand, was dancing and singing, though a little faulty in 
 his recollection : — 
 
 " Then all get drunk if you wish to be happy ; 
 To shun pleasure that courts you is stupid and sappy: 
 Drink away, you '11 be uobly repaid for your labour ; 
 Why, 'twill make you as happy again as your neighbour. 
 
 Since friendship 's so rare and so bright a jewel, 
 To the fire of life that kindly adds fuel ; 
 With wine make your clay so moist and so supple, 
 Instead of one friend, why you '11 meet with a couple. 
 
 Thus, were the world drunk, 'twould double their pleasure ; 
 The drunken miser would double his treasure ; 
 A city feast would have double the covers ; 
 And ladies would double the lists of their lovers ; 
 
 The drunkard two bowls, as he 's drinking and roaring ; 
 And if you were all drunk, you'd my song be encoring. 
 
 Then all get drunk," &o. 
 
 Jerry, dashing along in his hunting career, was so intent 
 upon the scene before him, that he had nearly passed his " fair 
 Nun," who was in company with another female, without 
 observing her, when his eye suddenly caught sight of her 
 lovely shape, as she was about to quit the Masquerade. HAW- 
 THORN, in an instant, was all raptures; and, with more 
 boldness than prudence, he immediately made up to her, and 
 
250 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 in a low tone of voice, almost a whisper, said, " My fair Nun, 
 I have made out your riddle. I beg your pardon, I ought to 
 
 have addressed you as my dear Lady Wan " "Hush! 
 
 for heaven's sake, hush ! " replied the lady, dropping the arm 
 of her companion, and retreating a few steps ; " the Baronet is 
 near at hand ; and if you expose me here, I shall be ruined 
 for ever \" " Only let me, fair Nun, claim your promise of — 
 
 " Then hmd me out, I will you greet 
 Kindly welcome, when next we meet, 
 
 and I '11 be as silent as a poacher," cried Jerey. " Not now, 
 — you must not press it at the present moment, — indeed you 
 must not," answered the lady. "Time is precious," said 
 Hawthorn, " and I cannot part with you without I have 
 
 your promise fulfilled. Let us meet at , on ." 
 
 " Quit me instantly, then," replied the lady, as she perceived 
 the Baronet coming towards her, " and it shall be so." Jeery 
 immediately seized her hand and kissed it, when the "fair Nun" 
 joined her companion, and the eyes of Jeeey never lost sight 
 of them till they left the Masquerade. 
 
 Jerry was now tired of his character, and went in search of 
 Tom and Logic, to communicate this second adventure ; but 
 the TRIO, by this time, was too much out of joint to be 
 made up for any active pursuits again during that evening ; 
 and they had even separated without Logic's usual comic 
 " good-bye " of — 
 
 " When shall we three meet again, 
 In lightning, thunder, hail, or rain ? " 
 
 Where they went, or how they spent their time, is not worth 
 the trouble of inquiring ; let it suffice it to state that neither 
 Tom, Jerry, nor Logic, found their way to Corinthian House 
 on bidding adieu to the Masquerade. 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 251 
 
 However, a day had scarcely passed over before our trio 
 again collected together, and, in their morning's lounge, took a 
 turn into Bond Street. As several of the " Public Characters" 
 passed through this fashionable place of resort, Logic pointed 
 out most of them to Jeery, and related a variety of anecdotes 
 concerning their importance and their different walks in 
 society. " There is one of the most amiable and worthy of 
 her sex,' said the Oxonian, as a lady, in company with an 
 elderly gentleman, rode by them in their coach-and-four; "and 
 some twenty years ago, she was distinguished at one of our 
 theatres-royal as a most lively and interesting actress. Her 
 talents were acknowledged to be of the first order, and she 
 was a great and deserved favourite with the public. Her 
 humour was intuitive, — it was genuine ; but it was not that 
 sort oi caricaturish grimace which disgraces several of our present 
 comic performers, who, in too many instances, appear to prefer 
 raising a laugh at their o^vn expense, rather than not provoke one 
 at all. This lady, if my recollection serve me, was a pupil of the 
 representative of the Comic Muse, at that period; a most finished 
 actress in her peculiar line, and in her zenith quite an idol. 
 For years she lived in the utmost splendour, from the exercise 
 of her extraordinary and delightful talents, and brought up a 
 numerous family; but the remembrance of her cruel, wretched, 
 unmerited, neglected exit, cannot fail in eliciting a tear from 
 the admirers of unrivalled abilities and lovers of the drama. 
 But I am wandering from my previous subject,'' observed 
 Logic ! " The fame of the lady I was first talking about was 
 not confined to the Metropohs alone ; she was equally an 
 object of attraction in all the great provincial towns in 
 England : and in her visits to Dublin she took the lead in her 
 profession. But this lady has retired from the stage for 
 several years ; and is now the affectionate wife of the 
 elderly gentleman you saw her -with, one of the most eminent 
 
252 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 and wealthy bankers in the Metropolis. By this marriage, 
 she has become related to three of the most distinguished 
 families in the state, who, at different periods, as to political 
 matters, have been considered as highly important ; in fact, 
 she may be viewed as the mother-in-law of a Maequis, an 
 Eael, and a Baronet, one of the oldest and most independent 
 in principle of that rank in the kingdom. It is true, there is 
 a vast disparity of years between the parties ; but the pro- 
 priety of conduct observed by the lady, united with real love 
 and attachment which she possesses for her husband, is the 
 subject of praise by all those persons yA\o are in habits of 
 intimacy with them : indeed, in their behaviour towards each 
 other, they represent a second Darby and Joan, in spite of a 
 once celebrated poet's satire on Matrimony : — 
 
 " HAIL, wedded love ! the bard thy beauty hails ! 
 Though mix'd, at times, with cock-and-hen-like sparrinjs: 
 But calms are very pleasant after gales, 
 And dove-like peace much sweeter after warrings. 
 
 I 've written — I forget the page, indeed ; 
 But folks may find it, if they choose to read — 
 That marriage is too sweet witliout some sour — 
 Variety oft recommends afiow't: 
 
 Wedlock should be like punch, some sweet, some acid ; 
 Then life is nicely turbulent 2iai placid. 
 
 A picture that is all light — • 
 Lord, what a thing ! a very fright ! 
 No, let some darkness be display 'd ; 
 And learn to balance well with shade. 
 
 " The husband of this lady, although so nearly allied with 
 political families so diametrically opposite to each other, yet 
 he has decidedly nothing to do with politics. His character 
 shines as a connoisseur in pictures, possessing a fine taste — an 
 ardent admirer of music — a most lasting and impassioned 
 
^ MASQUERADE SUPPER. 253 
 
 attachment for the drama ; with a sensible head, and a feeling 
 heart to direct the whole of his pursuits. The sons of Royalty 
 have often been regaled at his festive board ; and even the 
 King himself, in the most affable manner, has graced this 
 couple with his presence. 
 
 " But Mrs , however highly distinguished by her 
 
 performances on the stage, has proved herself a much greater 
 actress on the large theatre of the world. One of her prin- 
 ciple STUDIES is to do good : — to relieve the really distressed 
 family — to succour and cherish the unfortunate — to make old 
 age happy and comfortable — to raise drooping merit, and to 
 rescue it from oblivion — charitable and humane upon all 
 occasions — dignified without pomp — and feeling and honest 
 without any marks of ostentation. An open and an avowed 
 enemy to silly upstart pride — a charming and interesting 
 companion, possessing an enlarged mind — a most sincere 
 friend — an honourable and highly-gifted acquaintance — a lady 
 at all times, and a real ornament to her sex. Her elevation 
 and the enjoyment of immense property," said Logic, " has 
 taught Mrs to know the advantages of riches ; to dis- 
 tribute them with a sensible and feeling discernment for the 
 benefit of mankind ; and, instead of becoming the hatred and 
 envy of surrounding circles, to obtain the praise of society in 
 general, acting as a model for those females who sincerely 
 wish to do good to others as well as to themselves. Such is 
 
 the character of that lady, Mrs . May her charitable 
 
 hand then," said Jerry, " never be in want of supplies." 
 
 The Corinthian now proposed to introduce Jerry to Mr 
 Jackson, as they were so near his rooms; and also to 
 become a subscriber. " You are an old acquaintance, Logic," 
 
2S4 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 said ToMj "and, if you like, we will have a little exercise 
 together ? " " No, not to-day, I thank you ; I am too ticklish 
 in the wind at present," replied the Oxonian. Without farther 
 delay our heroes paid a visit to this celebrated teacher of the 
 Art of Self-Defence. The room (which is most accurately 
 represented in the annexed Plate) might be deemed a 
 Corinthian set-out altogether ; and no man is more deserving 
 of the appellation of Comnthian Jack than Mr Jackson. 
 Indeed, he is acknowledged to be such by the very first 
 classes of society, from that self-knowledge of propriety, 
 gentlemanly deportment, and anxiety to please, which plays 
 round his character at all times. ServiUty is not known to 
 him. Flattery he detests. Integrity, impartiality, good- 
 nature, and manliness, are the corner-stones of his understand- 
 ing. From the highest to the lowest person in the Sporting 
 World, his decision is law. He never makes a bet ; therefore, 
 he has no undue influence on his mind. There is nothing 
 "creeping" or "throwing the hatchet" about this description. 
 It is the plain and naked truth. The writer of it fears no 
 refutation : and those persons who are acquainted with " Life 
 in London," he feels confident, wiU back it to the very echo. 
 His room is not common to the public eye ; but, nevertheless, 
 the taste of it is not caviare to the million. No person can be 
 admitted without an introduction. As a teacher of the Art 
 of Self-Defence, Mr Jackson has no competitor. 
 
 While Tom was engaged in setting-to with Mr Jackson, 
 Jerry, in order not to pass his time in idleness, was weighed, 
 to decide a bet between him and Logic for a rump and a dozen. 
 Jerry lost it ; having proved 6 lbs. above 12 stone. Bob 
 was in high glee, having queered the countryman, as he termed 
 him. In one corner of the room a picture is to be seen, jframed 
 and glazed, with the following inscriptions painted upon it, and 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 255 
 
 which is a present : — " From the Eight Hon. W. Windham, 
 M.P., TO Mr Jackson. 
 
 " The fatal effects of a Eoman quarrel, in the Piazza del 
 Popoli la Coltellata, in the Eoman costume." The subject in 
 question represents a person Ijring dead, killed by an assassin, 
 who is seen making his escape, with the dagger in his hand. 
 Women and children are shrieking with agony over the body. 
 Several men, in cloaks, looking at the deed, terrified, as it were, 
 yet all afraid to stop the flight of the assassin. 
 
 " Humbly recommended to the consideration of those who are 
 labouring to abolish wliat is called the brutal and ferocious practice 
 of boxing." 
 
 " When comparisons are made," said Logic to Jerry, "the 
 above plate speaks volumes in favour of the manly and 
 generous mode resorted to by Englishmen to resent an insult 
 or to decide a quarrel." 
 
 On quitting Bond Street, ToM asked his companions 
 if they would go with him to the city, as he had a purchase 
 to make at a jeweller's upon Ludgate Hill; to which they 
 both acquiesced. It was to choose a diamond-necklace for 
 Corinthian Kate, in order to make up for the neglect 
 which Tom felt he had committed, in not taking her with 
 him to the Masquerade. Tom spared no expense in the 
 purchase, which was soon made ; and upon the return home 
 of the trio through Fleet Market, on passing the prison. 
 Logic said to Jerry, " If ever I am screwed up within these 
 walls, I hope you will not forget to caU and see an old friend" 
 (smiling). " There is many a true word spoken in jest," replied 
 the Corinthian, " But come, let us make haste home : we will 
 
256 LIFE IN LONDON: 
 
 take an early dinner, and, if you have no objection, I will in- 
 troduce you to the Champion of England, as it will he in 
 unison with our morning's visit, and, most likely, it will also 
 lead to another jolly night." " I am always ready for anything 
 you propose," answered Logic. " And I should like it of all 
 things," replied Jerry. " Let us then be off, as soon as you 
 please, my dear Coz." It was not long after dinner when the 
 trio repaired to the house of the Champion ; and Jerry and 
 Logic were introduced by Tom to this pugilistic hero. Haw- 
 thorn was particularly pleased ivith the appearance of the 
 parlour (which the Plate represents), it being filled with 
 numerous portraits and other sporting subjects. The CORIN- 
 THIAN is showing the silver cup to Jerry and Logic which 
 was presented to the Champion, from the Sporting World, of 
 the value of eighty guineas, on Monday, the 2d of December 
 1811, at the Castle Tavern, Holborn, by Mr Emery, of Covent- 
 Garden Theatre, accompanied by the following complimentary 
 address : — " Thomas Cribb, I have the honour this day of 
 being the representative of a numerous and most respectable 
 body of your friends ; and, though I am by no means qualified 
 to attempt the undertaking which has devolved on me, by a 
 vote of the subscribers, yet the cause will, I am confident, 
 prove a sufficient excuse for my want of ability. You are 
 requested to accept this CUP, as a tribute of respect for the 
 uniform valour and integrity you have shown in your several 
 combats, but, most particularly, for the additional proofs of 
 native skill and manly intrepidity displayed by you in your 
 last memorable battle,^ when the cause rested not merely upon 
 individual fame, but for the pugUistic reputation of your native 
 
 ^ With Molineaux, at Thistleton Gap, in the county of Rutland, on 
 Saturday, the 28th of Septemher 1811. The Champion has not fought 
 any battle since that period. 
 
SB 
 
 a a w 
 
 r-i! r 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 257 
 
 country, in contending with a formidable foreign antagonist. 
 In that combat you gave proof that the innovating hand of a 
 foreigner, when: lifted against the son of Britannia,' must not 
 only be aided by the strength of a LION, but the HEART also. 
 
 " The fame you have so well earned has been by manly and 
 upright conduct,' and which I have no doubt will ever -mark 
 your very creditable retirement from the ring or 'stage of 
 Xiugilism. However intoxicated the cup or its contents inay at 
 any future period make you, I am sufiiciently persuaded the 
 gentlemen present, and the sons of John Bull in general, will 
 never consider you have a cup too much." ^ 
 
 Logic, whose comic mug was always on the grin, filled out 
 the punch, and gave as a toast, in compliment to the Champion, 
 " May true courage never want supporters." " Bravo ! " cries 
 Jerry ; " here goes ! It is the most pleasant mode of cupping 
 a man that I ever heard of" The room speaks for itself — it 
 can be seen at all times, and, therefore, it may be identified 
 when any person thinks proper. The Champion was blowing 
 a cloud, always happy and contented — and had just taken off 
 those Jack Boots which stand at the bottom of the table, and 
 which weigh twenty pounds ; at the same time observing,'" If 
 they can't use their fists quicker in France than they do their 
 legs, the Lord have mercy upon them." TOM observed -to 
 Jerry, " it was evident the Champion had no predilection foi: 
 the French.'" ' , . ' ' 
 
 The dag-fancier in the corner, behind the Champion, as soon 
 as an opportunity offered itself, sidled up to the Swells, 
 touching his castor, and thus addressed Jerry. " Mayhap, as 
 
 ' For more detailed accounts, see Boxiana, vol. i., p. 419. 
 
2S8 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 how, Sir, you voiHi like to see a bit oi fun to niglit mth this 
 here little jihenonmy Monkey. He has sjMilt all the dogs that 
 has fought him. Jacco Maccacco is nothing else but a hout-and- 
 Iwuter, Sir ; and is veil vorth your notice, you may depend upon 
 it." "Where is he to be seen ?" asked Jerry. " Here's a card,i 
 Sir, vith all the partiklers." " 0, it is at the Westminister Pit I 
 preceive," said Tom. " Come, Logic, push about the punch ; 
 and we will go and have a look at him. I have been informed, 
 this circumstance has been viewed by all the amateurs con- 
 nected with the sports of the day as one of the most ex- 
 traordinary features in the Sporting World. Jacco, only weigh- 
 ing twelve pounds, and fighting dogs of twice his own weight, 
 
 1 AN ITALIAN TURN-XJP. 
 
 Suprising Nmdty in the Sporting Circle. 
 
 On Tuesday next, September 5, at Seven o'Clock iu the Evening, 
 
 A special grand Combat will he decided at the Westminster Pit, 
 
 FOR ONE HUNDRED GUINEAS, 
 
 Between that extraordinary and celebrated creature, the famed Italian 
 
 Monkey, 
 
 JACCO MACCACCO, 
 
 of Hoxton, third cousin to the renowned Theodore Magocco, of unrivalled 
 fame, and a Dog of 20 Iba. weight, the property of a Nobleman, well- 
 known in the circle. 
 
 N.B. The owner of the Monkey having purchased him at a great 
 expense, on account of his wonderful talents, begs to notice to his friends 
 of the Fancy that another person has started a, match, with a common 
 Monkey, on the day preceding this match, with an intent to injure him 
 and deceive the public. 
 
 After which, a Dog-Fight, for Ten Pounds, between the Cambeewell 
 Black and Tanned Dog and the well-known Stbatford Dog ; and a 
 match between two Bitches, the property of two Gentlemen well known 
 in the Fancy. To conclude with Beak-Fighting. 
 
 t+t Regular Nights, Mondays and Wedneadaya. 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 259 
 
 witli all the skill of a prize pugilist, and ultimately being the 
 death of them." The punch was soon finished ; LoGiC puffed 
 out his segar : and upon fat Boh, the guard, roaring out in a 
 hoarse voice, like thunder, to his companion, " I say, come lush, 
 Jem, and let us toddle, or else you see ve shaU be too late, for I 
 know there's a precious moh going from our yard." This hint, 
 though not meant to do any injury, was not very friendly to- 
 wards the landlord, but it was quite sufficient to clear the 
 room of all his customers in a twinkle, who brushed off as fast 
 as possible towards the Westminster Pit. 
 
 On the arrival of the trio at the Pit, Jerey expressed 
 his surprise at the crowd of persons, which had assembled 
 round the doors, anxiously waiting to obtain an admittance. 
 " What a motley group," exclaimed Hawthorn to Tom, 
 as he surveyed flue-fahers, dustmen, lamp-lighters, stage- 
 coachmen, bakers, farmers, barristers, swells, butchers, dog- 
 fanciers, grooms, donkey-boys, weavers, snobs, market-men, 
 watermen, honourables, sprigs of nobilty, M.P.'s, mail-guards, 
 sivaddies, &c., all in one rude contact, jostling and pushing 
 against each other, when the doors were opened to procure 
 a front seat. "Yes, my dear Coz, it is a motley group," 
 replied ToM ; " but it is a view of real life ; and it is 
 from such meetings as these, notwithstanding they are 
 termed very low, that you have a fine opportunity of wit- 
 nessing the difference of the human clmracter. In the circles 
 of fashion you scarcely meet with any contrast whatever. 
 You will recollect, Jerry," said Tom, smiling, " they are all 
 sporting characters, and are all touched, more or less, v/ith the 
 scene before them ; and the flue-faker wUl drop his bender with 
 as much pluck as the honourable does his fifty, to support his 
 opinion. The spirit is quite the same ; and it is only the blunt, 
 upon subjects like the present, that makes the difference be- 
 
26o LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 tween the persons in question." ^ " No box-keepers are here, 
 Jekry, to keep places till the first act (fight, I mean) is over," 
 exclaimed Logic, with a prime grin on his face. The loud 
 barking of the dogs, the singularity of the remarks, and the 
 confidence and ease with which every greasy hero or sooty chief 
 placed himself by the side of the Swells without making any 
 apology (as feeling that he had a right so to do), in treading 
 upon a coat, or dirtying the apparel of the person next to him, 
 iickled the feelings of Jerry more than he could express. The 
 Plate is a correct representation of the animation displayed 
 upon this subject by the gay tyke-boys ; and most of their 
 Tiobs for low cunning are able to get the " best of" the keenest 
 barristers in the kingdom, and would form a fine subject for a 
 Sporting Lecture upon Heads. It may also be seen that 
 quite as much anxiety prevails in this Pit, on the termination 
 of an event, as upon the decision of the Derby Stakes at Epsom 
 Eaces. Upon entering the above Canine Theatre, Jerry's 
 sneezer was touched with some convulsive efforts, so that his 
 fogle was continually at work, which C0RINTHLA.N ToM observ- 
 ing, asked Hawthorn, with a smile upon his face, "if he did 
 not like Perfumery, as the Pit was as highly scented as G-Attie's. 
 What ! you a sporting man, Jerry, and not love a good scent ? 
 fie ! Keep no more dogs then ! " 
 
 The Dog-Pit was filled in a few minutes, and numerous 
 persons went away grumbling, as if they had lost the finest 
 sight in the world, at the disappointment they had met with 
 in not.being able to procure places. Some little delay having 
 occurred before the performances commenced, a costardmonger, 
 from the upper story, roared out, " I say, governor, how long 
 are ve to be kept in this here rookery before you give us a sight 
 
 1 " My money is no fool, if I am,'' says a Sioeep to a Duke. 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 261 
 
 of this Phenomony ? " Jacco Maccacco was at length pro- 
 duced in a handsome little wooden house, amidst the shouts and 
 loud whistling of the audience. But he was not polite enough 
 to bow in return for this mark of approbation paid to him. 
 Jacco had a small chain of about two yards in length placed 
 round his loins, which was fastened to a strong iron stake, 
 drove a considerable depth into the ground. He was then let 
 out of his house. The dog was immediately brought and let 
 fly at him ; but the monkey, previous to this attack, gathered 
 himself up with as much cunning as a prize-fighter would do, 
 in order to repel the shock. The dog immediately got him 
 down, and turned him up ; but the monkey, in an instant, 
 with his teeth, which met together like a saw, made a large 
 wound in the throat of the dog, as if done with a knife ; and 
 from the great loss of blood the dogs in general sustained 
 who were pitted against Jacco Maccacco, several of them 
 died soon afterwards. The monkey seldom met with an 
 injury in any of these contests ; but he is of so ferocious a 
 nature that his master deems it prudent to have a plate of 
 iron before him, in case he might make a mistake and bite 
 his legs. " IVhat a deep covey ! " said a greasy butcher 
 with his mouth open, a red night-cap on his nob, and point- 
 ing towards jACCO MACCACCO. " I 'II bet a thigh of mutton 
 and smash,'^ that the monkey wins. Blow me tight, if ever I saw 
 such a thing in my life before. It really is wonderful. And 
 what a punisher too ! Why he seems to mill the dogs with as 
 much ease and sagacity as if he had been fighting matches -with 
 them for years." A small volume might be filled with the 
 singular remarks and gestures made by this noisy motley group 
 on the finishing qualities possessed by Jacco Maccacco. Some 
 laughed ; others shouted vehemently ; and numbers of them 
 
 ^ Turnips and caper sauce. A prominent article among pot-house gamblers. 
 
262 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 ■were continually jumping up and down in a sort of ecstacy, 
 knocking their sticks against the ground, not unlike the inmates 
 of the lunatic asylum when free from their sfraii-waistcoats. 
 The matches being over, some clean water was thrown over 
 the monkey, in order to refresh him, when he appeared little 
 the worse from the effects of his battles ; and was immediately 
 put into his wooden house. "I would not,'' said Jerry to 
 Tom, " have missed this curious scene for a trifle; but, if you 
 had not given me the hint, I should most certainly have lost 
 my money. I had not the least idea that so small a monkey, 
 nay, if any monkey at all, could have done such terrible ex- 
 cution." " Then make haste, and draw the hlunt," urged Logic, 
 " or perhaps, as you are an entire stranger to the stakeholder, 
 he soon may be non est inventus ! Such things, I assure you, 
 have happened in pits of a better description than West- 
 minster." 
 
 On quitting this Dog-Fanciers' theatre, the Oxonian observed 
 to his companions, that the neighbourhood of TothUl Fields was 
 so truly prolific of life and fun, that, as they were on the spot, 
 it would be a pity to lose the opportunity ; therefore, if they 
 had no objection, he should like to take a peep into several of 
 the houses, merely to see what was going on. " We may as 
 well finish the night gaily," said Logic. " With all our hearts," 
 answered Tom and Jerry. " Lead on. Bob, and we wiU 
 follow." Public and other houses were explored without loss 
 of time : and it was a " poor shop "'■ indeed, that did not pro- 
 duce some little amusement, and even something of cJiaracier. 
 Li most of the instances, the CONTRASTS were fine, interesting, 
 and profitable. The soldiers and their t^-ulls were seen tossing 
 
 ^ A cant phrase for a public-house. For instance, — Such a "shop " is a 
 prime place for fun. 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 263 
 
 off the heavy wet and spirits, and feeling, perhaps, more actual 
 enjoyment than their generals and their ladies, who have all 
 the advantages of riches and fortune to produce them comforts 
 and to make them happy. " The dissipation of the Guards," 
 said Tom, " I have heard, is equal to anything you can mention 
 in the Metropolis. Many of them are tradesmen, who work 
 hard when off duty, earn a great deal of money, but spend it as 
 freely as princes ; they also live on the best of provisions, are 
 full of gallantry, and keep their girls : yet, it is true, however 
 extraordinary it may appear, that no soldiers in the British 
 army are better disciplinariaiis than the Guards ; men who 
 have endured the greatest fatigue and privations when in 
 actual service ; and who, upon all occasions, have performed 
 prodigies of valour ; yet, when at home, and in quarters, they 
 are determined to enjoy all the good things belonging to 
 society, singing — 
 
 How happy 's the soldier who lives on his pay, 
 That spends halp-a-ceown out 0/ sixpence a day ; ^ 
 He fears neither bailiifs, nor yet any dun, 
 But he rattles away v/ith the roU of his drum. 
 The king finds him money, quarters, and clothes, 
 And he cares not a marvedy how the world goes ! 
 
 But row de dow, &c. 
 
 Costardmongers and flying dustmen were also "blowing a 
 cloud " with their fancy vonien ; cadgers enjoying a good sup- 
 per, laughing at the flM,ts they had imposed upon in begging 
 for " charity's sake " in the course of the day ; fish-fags who 
 had turned their marketings to a good account ; and the prigs 
 
 ^ This is frequently done by many persons in London ; hat for further 
 particulars, or an explanation upon this paradoxical subject, how it is to 
 be accomplished, an inquiry at the Fleet, King's Bench, Newgate, 
 Whitecross Street, and Marshalsea prisons, will no doubt prove satisfactory,' 
 even to the most sceptical. 
 
264 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 with their blowens, spending the produce of the day ; and all, 
 in appearance, as happy and comfortable in their minds as if 
 they were in the possession of thousands a year. " The more 
 scenes I -witness," said Jerry to Logic, "the more I am 
 surprised. I have heard talk of the varieties of ' Life in 
 London,' but what I have already seen beggars anything like 
 attempt at description.'' 
 
 Jerry had scarcely uttered these words when in rushed 
 Clmffing Peter, well known in Tothill Fields as the oracle of the 
 dustmen, piping hot from the Old Bailey, with an account of 
 one • Lummy, belonging to the flying squad, who had been 
 tried for stealing a pair of breeches. Dirty SuJce, whose face 
 had;not had anything like a piece of soap across it for many a 
 long day, and who had a sort of sneaking kindness for Lummy, 
 began now to naj) her lib, but the tears could not roll down 
 her cheeks for the dirt. Lummy was reckoned a trumv among 
 the costardmongera ; and some sorrow was excited upon his 
 loerry hard fate. " Peter,'' said Suke, " did not Lummy 'sert his 
 innocence ? come, tell us vat he said for himself to the judge." 
 " If you '11 -keep all your cliaffers close, and put your listeners 
 forward, you shall hear all about it." Silence was called, 
 when Peter began to relate what Lummy had said : — " So help 
 me bob, my Lord, you must know, my Lord, that me and 
 Neddy had done a werry good day's vork, my Lord ; and as ve 
 vere coming through St Giles's, my Lord, who should ve meet, 
 my Lord, but Tinker Tom, Dirty Suke, and bogle-eyed Jem, the 
 dustman, my Lord, who vere all rather hisliy, my Lord. ' I 
 say, you Lummy,' says Jem, roaring out to me, my Lord ; — ■ 
 my name you must know is Lnimmy, my Lord ; — ' Vy, you are 
 getting proud. Lummy, because your hampers are empty, and 
 you vas going to pass us. Come, Lummy, von't you stand a 
 drap of summut, as you are in luck, and it's a wicked could 
 
A MASQUERADE SUPPER. 265 
 
 day ? ' ' No,' says I, my Lord, ' I vasn't a going for to pass 
 you.' ' Veil,' says Jem to me, ' I have got a duct^ — I suppose, 
 as how, my Lord, you knows what a duce ^ is, — ' and Tom 's 
 got a win,^ — and Dirlij Suke can flash a mag,^ and I dares to 
 say ve can make it out amongst us to have a kevarten or two of 
 gin, before we does part. Come, Lummy, let us toddle to the 
 Pi^ and Tinder-Box,* they have got a drap of comfort there, I 
 knows.' It 's all true, every vord of it 's true, so help me hob, 
 my Lord. So avay we goes to the Fig and Tinder-Box, my 
 Lord, and I did not like to look little, my Lord, as I vished to 
 be a little nutty upon Dirty Suke, you see, my Lord ; so I gov'd 
 her a ' sJiove in the mouth.' '■' ' Come, Covey,' says I to the land- 
 lord, — ve always calls the landlord Covey, my Lord, — ' Come, 
 bustle, and let 's have half a pint of your stark naked.' Veil, 
 my Lord, ve had it : ven Dirty Sulce says to me, my Lord, 
 after I had had a huss at her, though she vas werry shy, my 
 Lord, yet she needn't, my Lord, for I viped my chaffer first. 
 ' Vy, Lummy,' says she, ' so help me bob, you have forgot poor 
 Neddy, — you ought to have given him a drap, he 's a good 
 liard-vorking creature, that 's vat he is.' Everybody loves my 
 Neddy, my Lord. ' Veil,' says I to Suke, and I endeavoured 
 to snatch another luss, but she vouldn't stand it, my Lord, so 
 help me bob it 's true, ' so he is a good lianimal, and Neddy 
 shall have a drap. Come, Covey,' says I, ' let 's have a kevarten 
 of gin ; ' and, so my Lord, so help me bob it 's true, I gave the 
 whole of the kevarten to Neddy. ' Vy,' says Dirty Suke, 'it's 
 a mere thimblefull in his gills ; ' and so it was, indeed, my 
 Lord. 'Give him another kevarten,' says she, 'and if you are 
 too scaly to tip for it I '11 shell out and shame you.' ' Now I 
 likes that,' says I to Suke ; it 's true, so help me bob, my Lord; 
 
 ^ Two-pence. - Penny. " Half-penny. 
 
 ' Elephant and Castle. f A glass of liquor. 
 
266 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 ' if you loves me, love my ass.' And so, my Lord, as Neddy 
 had done an out-and-out day's work, I giv'd him another 
 Icevarten of gin. But, my eyes, my Lord, no sooner had he 
 
 swallowed it, than he began to kick and f , — but I begs 
 
 your pardon, my Lord. Neddy now, my Lord, was so full of 
 frish, that off he bolted, my Lord, when Dirty Suke stood 
 laughing at the door, with the gin-glass in her hand, till she 
 almost, my Lord, was ready to — but, my Lord, I von't men- 
 tion it. Veil, my Lord, Neddy brushed into Monmouth Street 
 all amongst the Barkers, my Lord ; and vat does I do in this 
 here dilemmy, my Lord, but run as hard as I could after my 
 ass, my Lord ; and my ass, having lost poor Lummy, was run- 
 ning after me. Veil, my Lord, just as I caught hold of my 
 ass, a squinty old apple-woman came between me and my 
 ass, and she trip23ed me up, my Lord, so help me bob it is 
 true ; ven I, to save myself from falling into a cellar, my Lord, 
 I caught hold of a pair of breeches that vas hanging upon a 
 nail. But the traps, my Lord, immediately took me into 
 custody, and said as how I stole 'em. So help me bob, my 
 Lord, I did not vant any breeches, I only vanted my ass. It 
 is a very hard case, my Lord, that an innocent man, my Lord, 
 should be lagged, my Lord, because he vas so unfortunate for 
 once in his life to be found in low company, looking after his 
 ass. Mj'' Lord, if I am to stand seven-pence,'^ my Lord, I hope 
 you'll take it into your consideration, and not let me go 
 without MY ASS ! " 
 
 From the repeated "flashes of lightning," ^ and now and then 
 a "clap of thunder,"^ with a damper '^ to make all cool again. 
 
 ^ Seven years transportation. ' Glasses of gin. ' Brandy. 
 
 ^ Most persons who are in the habit of going from one public-house to 
 another, and drinking a number of drams in the course of a day, in order 
 
A MASQUERADE SUFFER. 267 
 
 wHcli Tom, Jerry, and Logic, were compelled to swallow in 
 treating several of the characters they had accidentally mixed 
 with, the TRIO were getting rather funny; indeed, Logic was 
 so taken with the rolling eye, the plump wanton figure, and 
 slang chaffing of Slippery Sall, in the oyster line, that the 
 COKiNTHiAisr had some difficulty in stalling Mm off, he was so 
 nutty upon the charms of this "fair one of the tub.'' The 
 Oxonian, with a half hiccough, wds continually singing out, 
 " Here 's a champaign country, as we say at Oxford ! " 
 
 In one house, at which the TRIO called in their road home, 
 a dustman's wedding was being celebrated, with all the low 
 peculiarities belonging to that class of society ; and Jerry 
 laughed heartily at the following old flash song, which one of 
 the party was roaring out, with a voice like a stentor, to some 
 of the ladies of the dust-hiU. 
 
 You gentlemen give ear unto my ditty, 
 
 It 's as true a chaunt as ever you did hear, 
 It 's couoerniug the scouts of the city, 
 
 And those rascals you never need to fear ! 
 You must know from a rum Teen we bundled, 
 
 the glims we all darken'd in a trice, 
 When turning the corner of Old Bedlam, 
 
 A scout laid me fiat upon my face. 
 
 Fal de dal, de dal, de dido. 
 
 to allay the heat or thirst arising from the pernicious use of such quan- 
 tities of ardent spirits, frequently take a glass of porter, which is termed a 
 cooler, a. damper, &c. ; and too many individuals, hard drinkers, flatter 
 themselves that, from such sort of CAEE, they are keeping the nails out of 
 their coffins,* till the trembling hand, the diseased appetite, and the 
 debilitated constitution, lamentably point out the fatal error, too late to 
 be corrected. 
 
 * A glass of spirits is tei-med, amoDg the wet ones, adding " another nail to the colHn." 
 
268 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 No sooner the blow I had reoover'd 
 
 Than up I got and stood upon my pins. 
 Crying, b 1 you, you old blind b , 
 
 I '11 make your lantern jaws for to ring : 
 I took him such a lick of his nvwm'mer. 
 
 And ding'd his rattle clean out of his hand ; 
 That I soon had him down in a minute, 
 
 When his canister came slap against his stand. 
 
 Fal de dal, de dal, de dido. 
 
 One of my companions coming up, 
 
 When he heard the report of the blow, 
 Saying, " Well done, my nice one, you have done it, 
 
 To another of these rascals let us go ! " 
 And as we were rolling it along, Sir ; 
 
 A Night Guardian we found fast asleep, 
 AVhen we DOWN'D WITH HIS BOX in a minute. 
 
 And tumbled the old Charley in the Street I 
 
 Fal de dal, de dal, de dido. 
 
 " AVell tliought of," said Tom, smiling ; " this song has re- 
 minded me of a bit of fun which I had intended, Jerry, to 
 have shown you before you left London. It is ' Getting the 
 best of a Charley ; ' and I will put you up to it before we go to 
 sleep to-night." After one or two more flashes of lightning, the 
 TRIO were again on the toddle, and Logic reeled his way through 
 Parliament Street, after his companions, without any music; 
 and also stumbled through some part of the Strand ; but he was 
 missing before ToJi and Jerry arrived at Temple Bar. " Never 
 mind," said the Corinthian ; " there is no danger of Bob's 
 being lost ; he may be trusted alone -^ he knows too well the 
 advantages of a Key to be locked out of a lodging." 
 
 Tom, finding the old Charley fast asleep, laughingly ob- 
 served to Jerry, who was in Toic Street"^ with a couple of 
 
 ' A knowing one ; a man not to be imposed upon. 
 ° Being decoyed or persuaded by any person. 
 
.^ MASQUERADE SUPPER. 269 
 
 Cyprians, " Now we'll have the best of him. I '11 soon wake, 
 this dealer out of time from his dream ; " and, as the Plate so 
 admirably delineates the scene, — 
 
 'Twas silence all around and clear the coast, 
 
 The Watch as usual, dozing on his post ! 
 
 And scarce a lamp display'd a glimmering light ! 
 
 Tom had the Charley in his box down in an instant. Haw- 
 thorn laughed immoderately at the dexterity of ToM, and 
 with the utmost glee said to the Corinthian, " My dear Coz, 
 the Charley had the ' best of us ' last time, at Bow Street, 
 but we have got the best of him now, and therefore let us keep 
 it ! " The above cant phrase puzzled Jerry considerably Avhen 
 it was first made u«e of by TOM, but, on its being p-adically 
 illustrated, he observed, " that person must be a cripple indeed, 
 if ever the watchman overtook him on such an occasion." 
 Indeed, it is totally impossible, under such circumstances, for a 
 Charleij to extricate himself, without the assistance of some of 
 his brother " guardians of the night." The noise made by the 
 watchman to get out of his box broke in upon the ears of 
 another old scout, across the road, who, half asleeji and without 
 knowing what was the matter, sprang his rattle for assistance. 
 " Let us be off," said Tom ; " it won't do to remain here any 
 longer.'' The two Cyprians, in the most tender and persuasive 
 manner, now endeavoured to gammon Jerry and the Corin- 
 thian up Shire Lane to a place of safety, as they termed it. 
 " No," replied Tom, " I rather think not ! your house, I am 
 afraid, is not insured ; but, I must admit, your policy is not a 
 had one neither ! " 
 
 It is quite immaterial how our heroes eluded the pursuit of 
 the Charleys, or in what manner they spent the remainder of 
 
2?° LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 the night ; they were out on a " .tpree" and were determined 
 to finish it. They were not immaculate. One circumstance, 
 however, is very clear, Logic found his companions in a 
 " whole skin," on paying a visit to Corinthian Home the next 
 morning. 
 
CHAPTER XL 
 
 The Contrast — Country and Town : Evil Communication 
 corrupts good Manners. A " Look-in" at Tattersall's. 
 Gay Moments ; or, an Introductioyi of Jerry and Logic 
 by Tom to Corinthian Kate. Tom exhibits his know- 
 ledge of Fencing in an "Assault" with Mr O'Shaunessy. 
 Kate and Sue caught upon the Sly, on their visit to the Old 
 Fortune-Tcller, by Hawthorn and the Corinthian. The 
 " Nepliis tiltra of Life in London." A visit to Carlton 
 Palace by Kate, Sue, Tom, Jerry, and Logic. 
 
 JERRY, wlio used to rise witli the lark when at IIoAvtliorn 
 Hall, to join his brother sportsmen, singing — 
 
 " When ruddy Aurora awakens the day, 
 Bright dew-drops impearl the sweet flowers so gay," 
 
 had, since his arrival in London, reversed the scene altogether. 
 His acquaintances, ToM and Logic, had bid adieu to anything 
 like regularity of living long before Hawthokn made up the 
 trio ; and had only gone to repose or left their beds as circum- 
 stances required. Daylight had frequently ushered both of them 
 into their apartments before sleep had overtaken their eyes ; 
 and they had as frequently, in succession, got up by candlelight 
 in the evening to enjoy their breakfasts. Jerry, under such 
 masters, soon became an apt pupil, or rather caught the con- 
 tagion : the sweet notes of the lark had now lost their effect 
 
272 LIFE IN L ONDON. 
 
 on his once delighted ear ; and he was so repeatedly wrapt up 
 in the arms of Somnus, from the fatigues of the over-night, 
 that the loud, noisy, unwelcome, intruding " Cries of London" 
 did not break in upon his slumbers : — 
 
 Like a lark in the morn with early Bong, 
 
 Comes the sweep, with his " Sweep/ soot, ho I " 
 Next the cherry-cheek'd damsel, she trips it along, 
 
 " Any milk, pretty niaids below ? " 
 " Any dust ? any dust ? " goes the tinkling bell, 
 
 AVhile sharp in each corner they look ; 
 Next the Jew with his bag, " Any cloash to shell ] " 
 ; • - " Any hare-shins, or rahbit-sHns, coolc ? " 
 
 Let none despise 
 
 The merry, merry cries. 
 
 Of famous London Town ! 
 
 Thus the various callings in harmony blend — 
 " Come, here is your nice curds and loliey ! " 
 
 " The last dying speech of ." " Old chairs to mend ! " 
 
 " Choice fruit, and a bill of the play ! " 
 " Here 's three for a shilling, fine mackerel, ! " 
 
 " Any phials, or broken flint glass ? " 
 ** Come break me, or make me, before I go ! " 
 
 " D'ye want any fine sp(MTOa«-grass ? " ' 
 
 Let none despise 
 The merry, merry cries. 
 Of famous London Town._ 
 
 The clock had struck one at Corinthian Rouse before our 
 heroes descended into the " Cluiffmg Crib,'' when ToM, with a 
 smile, observed to Jerky, 
 
 ' ' " We take no note of time, but by its loss 1 " 
 
 The tea-things were scarcely removed before the door opened, 
 and again presented the comical face of Logic to his merry 
 companions. " Why, Bob," said Jerry, laughing, " if I am 
 not mistaken, you were lost in the ' Fields of Temptation ' last 
 
JCATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 273 
 
 night. You stole a march, upon us. No good-bye." "No, 
 no,'' answered ToM ; " Logic was very busy in the oyster 
 line ; only look at him ; he appears quite Jiarassed." "I must 
 confess,'' replied the Oxonian, " that I have not exactly re- 
 covered from the severe effects of the repeated 'flashes of 
 lightning ' and strong ' claps of thunder ' with which I had to 
 encounter last night ; indeed, I could not resist the fury of the 
 storm ; and, ultimately, my little frail bark was Strand-ed and 
 went down ! " " Well done. Master Logic," observed Jeery; 
 " so you think to creep out of it by punning : but it won't do ; 
 you are caught." " Come," said the CORINTHIAN, " it is get- 
 ting late, and I have no time to spare. I am going to Tatter- 
 sall's to purchase aprad upon the judgment of Jerry, and 
 you may as well go with us. Bob." Logic acquiesced, when 
 the trio were off like a shot, and soon arrived at the above 
 grand sporting rendezvous, which the print so clearly illustrates. 
 
 This scene is so very familiar to a certain part of the public, 
 and can also be identified at any period, that it scarcely requires 
 a comment. But to a great portion of Society in the Metro- 
 polis, who are quite aloof from sporting transactions, a short 
 account of this most celebrated repository may prove not 
 altogether unacceptable. The group of characters speaks for 
 itself. But it is impossible to pass over the "I's Yorkshire Cove" 
 endeavouring to gammon Jerry about the fine action of the 
 horse before them. Hawthorn, with a smile on his counten- 
 ance, in return, asked Yorkshire, " if he saw anything green 
 about him ? " This hint was quite sufficient for TOM ; and the 
 Corinthian informed Tattersall that he would not have 
 the prad in question "as a gift." Logic laughed at the 
 rotundity of ^;aMHcA of a person near Jerry, and, by way of a 
 PUN, said he supposed it was " the great horse-dealer 1 " 
 
 Jerry expressed himself so much pleased with his visit to 
 
 S 
 
274 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Tattersall's, that he observed to Logic, during his stay in 
 London he should often frequent it. " I delight," said Haw- 
 thorn, " to be in the company of sportsmen ; and no objects 
 afford me greater satisfaction than the sight of a fine hunter, — 
 the view of a high-mettled racer, — and the look oi z, 'perfect 
 greyhound."^ " I admire them also," replied the Corinthian ; 
 "and Tattersall's will always prove an agi-eeable lounge, if 
 no direct purpose call a person thither. If nothing more than 
 INFORMATION be acquired, that alone, Jerry, to a man of the 
 world, is valuable at all times. Besides, Tattersall's gives a 
 tone''' to the sporting world, in the same way that the transac- 
 tions on the EoYAL Exchange influence the mercantile part of 
 society. It has likewise its '■settling days'' after the great races 
 at Newmarket, Doncaster, Epsom, Ascot, &c. I do not know 
 about the hulls and lears ; ^ but if it has no lame ducks to waddle 
 out, it has sometimes Levanters that wiU not show for a time, 
 and others that wiU Irush off altogether. But this does not 
 happen very often: and Tattersall's has its '^ootZ iiEN' as 
 well as the ^Change ; and whose ' word ' will be taken for any 
 amount. It has also its ' subscription room,' which is ex- 
 tremely convenient for gentlemen and other persons who feel 
 any inclination to become acquainted with the events of the 
 sporting world, at the moderate charge of one guinea a year. 
 Indeed," continued Tom, " there is an air of sporting about 
 this place altogether; elegance, cleanliness, and style, being 
 its prominent features. The company, I admit, is a mixture of 
 
 * After seven descents, Lord Orford, it is said, obtained the ohject for 
 which he had been bo solioitoue, without any diminution of speed or the 
 beauties of shape and symmetry — a perfect greyhound. 
 
 ' It is a common expression among sporting persons — "How do they 
 bet their money at TaitebsaII's ? " 
 
 ' Corinthian Tom, it appears, was rather in doubt whether hulls or 
 heart were disposed of by Mr Tattebsall, 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 275 
 
 persons of nearly all ranks in life ; but, nevertheless, it is that 
 sort of mixture, which is pleasingly interesting : there is no 
 intimacy or association about it. A man may be well known 
 here ; he may also in his turn knom almost everybody that visits 
 Tattersall's ; and yet be quite a stranger to their habits and 
 connexions with society. It is no matter who sells or who pur- 
 chases at this repository 1 A het stands as good with a LEG, and 
 is thought as much of, as with a Peer,— MONEY being the 
 touchstone of the circumstance. The 'best judge' respecting 
 sporting events is acknowledged the ' best man' here ; every 
 person being on the ' look out ' to see how he lays his hlunt. 
 The DuiCE and the Parliamentary Orator, if they do not know 
 the properties of a horse, are little more than cyphers ; it is true, 
 they may be stared at, if pointed out as great characters, but 
 nothing more. The nod from a stable-keeper is quite as important, 
 if not more so, to the Auctioneer, as the ivinJc of a Eight 
 HoNOUK-iBLE. Numbers of persons, who visit Tattersall's, 
 are or wish to appear Zrwojcm^y from which ' seZ/ ' importance 
 they are often most egregiously duped. In short, if you are 
 not as familiar vrith the odds upon all events as Chitty in 
 quoting precedents — show as intimate an acquaintance with 
 the pedigree and speed of race-horses as a GuLLEY — and also 
 display as correct a knowledge of the various capabilities of the 
 prize pugilists as a Jackson; — if gain is your immediate 
 object, you are ' of no use ' at Tattersall's." " Yes," says 
 Logic, vrith a grin, interrupting ToM; " there are to be found 
 here as m.a,nj flats and sliurps as would furnish the score of a 
 musical composer ; and several of these instruments have been 
 so much played upon, and are so wretchedly out of tune, that 
 the most skilful musician in the world cannot restore them to 
 perfect harmony." "It is," resumed the Corinthlan, "an 
 excellent mart for the disposal of carriages, horses, dogs, &c., 
 and many a fine fellow's stud has been/owetZ by the hammer 
 
2^6 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 of Tattersall. There is a capacious TAP attached to the 
 premises, for the convenience of the servants of gentlemen in 
 attendance upon their masters, or for any person who stands 
 in need of refreshment. Tattersall's, for the purposes 
 intended, is the most complete place in the Metropolis ; and if 
 you have any desire to witness ' real life ' — to observe character 
 — and to view the favourite hobbies of mankind, it is the resort 
 of the pinks of the SWELLS, — ^the tulips of the GOES, — the dash- 
 ing heroes of the military, — the fox-hunting clericals, — sprigs of 
 nobility, — stylish coachmen, — smart guards, — saucy butchers, 
 — ^natty grooms, — tidy helpers, — knowing horse-dealers, — Je^ 
 <img' publicans, — neat jockeys, — sporting men of all descriptions, 
 — and the picture is finished by numbers of real gentlemen. 
 It is the tip-top sporting feature in London." " It must have 
 been the work of some time," said Jerry, " to have formed 
 such a famous connexion." " Yes," replied TOM ; " you are 
 quite right. It is not the work of a day. The name of 
 Tattersall is not only high, but of long standing in the 
 sporting world ; and everything connected with this splendid 
 establishment is conducted in the most gentlemanly manner. 
 The founder of these premises was, during his time, viewed as 
 one of the best judges of horse-flesh in the kingdom ; and, as a 
 proof of it, he made his fortune by a horse called Highflyer."^ 
 
 ' In remembrance of whom the following epitaph was written : — 
 HERE LIETH 
 
 The perfect and beautiful symmetry 
 
 Of the much-lamented 
 
 HIGHFLYER ; 
 
 By whom, and his wonderful offspring, 
 
 The celebrated Tattersall acquired a noble fortune. 
 
 But was not ashamed to acknowledge it. 
 
 In gratitude to this famous 
 
 Stallion, 
 
 He called an elegant mansion he built 
 
 HIGHFLYER HALL. 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 277 
 
 The TRIO, upon quitting Tattkrsall's, took a walk into 
 Hyde Park, when Logic hinted to his companions, that, by 
 way of a contrast to their last night's excursion, an hour or two 
 in the evening might very well be disposed of at the Italian 
 Opera.'' " I should not have the least objection," said Tom, 
 " but I have made an engagement to drink tea vath ELiTE- 
 She wishes me to hear her sing a new song she has recently 
 acquired, and I cannot disappoint her ; indeed, since Jerry 
 has been in town, she has had very little of my company." 
 " Apropos,'' exclaimed Logic, " I claim your promise of an 
 introduction to Corinthian Kate." "And I too," urged 
 Jerry, eagerly. " It shall be so, my friends, if you promise 
 to 'keep the line,' "^ answered Tom; "you shall be admitted 
 into the preserve, but, remember, no poaching. Logic, you 
 have an excellent touch on the pianoforte ; Kate is exces- 
 sively fond of music, and you will therefore be a most welcome 
 visitor. Jerry's merry song and lively company will also 
 ensure him a good reception. I shall do everything in my 
 power to promote perfect harmony, and I think we may, at 
 least, picture to ourselves a few ' gay moments' But let us 
 return home as soon as possible, as I have ordered an earlier 
 dinner than usual, that I might keep to my appointment." 
 
 The progress of the trio was interrupted for a short period, 
 in their way to Corinthian House, through the streets, with the 
 following dialogue between a costardmonger and " his voman," 
 whose donkey had accidentally slipped one of his feet into a 
 plug-hole. 
 
 Jerry laughed as heartily as if he had been witnessing a 
 pantomime; indeed, the scene altogether was highly ludicrous. 
 
 1 To behave in a becoming manner : not to forget one'a self ! 
 
278 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Tom smiled ; and Logic was on the broad grin. " Vy don't 
 you mind vcd you 're arter," said Poll, " instead of rolling your 
 goggles about after all manner of people ; it voud be much, better 
 for you if you did, I knows. Here, don't you see all the carrots 
 and greens, that cost me every mag I coud raise last night, will 
 be down in the dirt and not vorth one brass jar den." "Burst 
 you," replied Bill, angrily, " if you don't hold that are red rag 
 of yours, I '11 s.])oil your mouth for a murdh. You are always 
 making a bad matter vorse, that 's vat you are, so help me G — ." 
 Then turning to the donkey, and roaring out, " Vat ! you 've got 
 
 your foot in a plug-hole, and be d d to ye, have ye ? 
 
 Didn't I buy you last night — pay for you this morning — and 
 brought you home in a hay-band ? Vat more d 'ye want, heh % 
 Such obstinate devils as you are, are never satisfied ; but I '11 
 sarve you out for it, that 's vat I vill" Bill, at length, re- 
 leased the donkey's toddler out of trouble, and giving the poor 
 animal some terrible blows with a stick, roared out to him, — 
 " If you don't mind vat you 're arter now, I '11 cut your precious 
 rump off." The donkey soon mended his pace, and our heroes 
 kept laughing at the circumstance till they arrived at Corinthian 
 House. 
 
 The cloth being removed, and after the circulation of a few 
 glasses of wine, ToM observed it was time to be off. The 
 carriage was immediately ordered ; and in a very short time 
 the TRIO found themselves in the presence of the heroine of the 
 tale. Tom was the master of the ceremonies upon this occasion, 
 and Logic and Jerey received a flattering smile on their 
 introduction to Kate; when the latter, without delay, pre- 
 sented to the notice of her visitors her companion, the lovely 
 Susan. Matters of etiquette being adjusted, it was not long 
 before " the tea " was introduced. Logic, who was never at a 
 loss for conversation, was gay and witty upon the passing 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-T'ELLER. 279 
 
 occurrences of the day ; i.e,., such, occurrences as were most likely 
 to please females. Sales by candle— prices of hay — and the 
 value of shares in the different canal companies, did not intrude 
 upon the Oxonian's mind. It was in a much lighter field of 
 conversation that he played off his artillery with success. It 
 was in praising the sylph-like figure, attitudes, and admirable 
 dancing of Miss Tree — the ballad-singing of Mrs £land — tha 
 inimitable pathetic touches of Miss Kelly — the plaintive, heart- 
 felt, musical notes of Miss Stephens — the acting of Miss Taylor ^ 
 — the modest, unassuming Miss Smithson — the bewitching 
 Madame Vestris — and the captivating Miss O'Neil, that Logic 
 commanded attention. Bob knew the time when to be a 
 lady's man, as well as to be without the screaming qualities of a 
 lady's maid in a row. He was well aware there was a time for 
 everything ; and no one knew better how to accommodate 
 himself to all sorts of company than the lively intelligent 
 Oxonian. Tom was equally elegant, but so finislied in all his 
 remarks, that decision seemed to rest upon his lips. Jerry, 
 though not quite so eloquent as his two friends, nevertheless 
 contributed with much humour towards the chit-chat of the tea- 
 table. If a horse, a bird, or a dog, could have been cleverly 
 introduced, Jerry would have shown himself a first-rate hero : 
 however, his eyes had been sufficiently opened, in his Banibles 
 and Sprees with the Corinthian and Logic, to see his way 
 more clearly upon the present occasion than he otherwise could 
 have done. Kate, highly attractive from her fine person and 
 superior manners, soon convinced the Oxonian and Jerry, 
 
 ^ In the character of Jeanie Deans, in the " Heart of Mid-Lothian," as 
 dramatised by T. Dibden, Esq., that individual who can witness the 
 exertions of Miss Taylor without shedding a, tear, must be made of 
 inflexible stuff indeed ! It is one of the finest triumphs of the art of 
 acting. The delusion of the " stage elTect " is so far forgotten, that the 
 powers of Nature only seem to prevail. 
 
28o LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 that it was not from her decorations alone she became an object 
 of attention : and Sue, interesting from her loveliness and 
 simplicity, made a much greater impression upon the surround- 
 ing group than all the art in the world could have done towards 
 elevating her in the minds of the persons present. Such was 
 the "gay party" assembled; nay, more, it was a liberal one. 
 It was, most certainly, a party with too many faults belonging 
 to it, but yet not a single absent friend or a neighbour were 
 served up as a dish of scandal, where every person present 
 could help himself to a slice / 
 
 Both Logic and Jerry had only'seen Corinthian Kate, 
 m passant, amidst the bustle and gay throng of the Park, and 
 they had yet to encounter the danger of her charms and 
 fascinating attractions when increased from the advantages of 
 dress, and heightened by the most lively and impressive talents. 
 During the chit-chat at the tea-table, Jerry could scarcely keep 
 his eyes ofi." Kate. Hawthorn, in consequence, at times 
 blushed, appeared confused, was aware it was extremely vulgar, 
 knew that such conduct was wrong, and, also, that it was not 
 the behaviour of a gentleman ; but, above all, that it was 
 acting unkind towards his friend and cousin : yet, in spite of 
 all these honourable feelings and checks, which he endeavoured 
 to keep upon himself, he often transgressed into a downright 
 stare, as if under the influence of some powerful magnet that 
 he could not resist : 
 
 For her own person, 
 
 It beggar'd all description ; 
 
 O'er picturing that Venus where we see 
 
 The fancy outwork nature. 
 
 The Oxonian too, with all his experience in these mat- 
 ters, would have been equally at a loss to have known what 
 to have done with his optics (as he afterwards remarked), 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELIER. 281 
 
 if his green specs had not operated as a prime hedge ^ for him : 
 and in all probability, had not the Corinthian been present, 
 the gallantry of Logic would have tempted him to have re- 
 peated the words of the poet as a compliment to the mistress 
 of his friend : — 
 
 Angels were painted fair to look like you ' 
 
 Upon the removal of the tea-things, very little time was 
 suffered to elapse, before Tom gave the hint to Logic, that 
 " gay moments" were too precious to be wasted, the pianoforte 
 was at his service, and the company were anxiously waiting 
 to hear him commence the harmony of the evening. Logic 
 required no further invitation, and immediately took his seat 
 at the instrument ; but before he had half finished the air of — 
 
 When to lovely woman's powers 
 
 Man submits his enraptured soul ! 
 He culls life's sweetest flow'rs, 
 
 His hours in pleasure roll ! 
 No other joys invading, 
 
 Tempts deluded man to sti-ay ; 
 Blest alone, with love, pervading, 
 
 She bends him to her sway. 
 Lovely woman ! 
 Lovely, lovely woman ! 
 Man's best and dearest gift of life ! 
 
 Kate and Sue complimented the Oxonian on his musical' 
 talents ; indeed, these " gay moments " of the party were 
 enriched by each of them displaying their various talents, to 
 prevent the intrusion of ennui; or, in other words, to avoid 
 the had manners of looking at their watches — lolling and 
 
 ^ To " hedge off," or " it 's a prime hedge for me," are phrases repeatedly 
 made use of in the Sporting World, when an individual wishes to save 
 himself from any serious consequences. 
 
282 LIFE IN L OND ON. 
 
 yawning, and picking their teeth — which too often occur 
 when time hangs heavy on the hands of a company destitute 
 of abilities. 
 
 The eloquence of Jerry was not the worse for a few glasses 
 of wine, and Logic very frequently turned round, full of 
 humour, bidding his companions to " keep time," and to pay 
 attention to the man in the orchestra. Tom, who had already 
 'plied, the Oxonian with several bumpers, handed him another 
 glass of wine, and observed, with a smile, " that it would be 
 impossible to neglect a man of his great taste ! " 
 
 If ever time had passed merrily in any company, it might 
 be said to have positively flown away among this gay party. 
 Pleasure was their idol ; it was the creature of their imagina- 
 tion : and no heroes ever offered more sacrifices at its attractive 
 shrine than did our trio. They were devotees to Pleasure, 
 morning, noon, and night. Logic, at all times, possessed so 
 much gaieti de cxur, that no assemblage of persons could be 
 dull for an instant in his presence. The CORINTHIAN was 
 equally so in disposition, if not gifted with talents even of a 
 higher cast to amuse and interest a company ; and HAWTHORN, 
 the laughing, good-natured Jerry, if he could not chatter like 
 a magpie ujjon all subjects that were introduced into conversa- 
 tion, yet no one departed from his society with an impression 
 that a dummy ^ had taken his seat amongst them. 
 
 Equally devoted to gaiety and pleasure were our heroines ; 
 but the dispositions of Corinthian Kate and the lovely Sue 
 were diametrically opposite to each other. KatE was proud. 
 
 ' A cant phrase for a stupid fellow ; a man who has not a word to say 
 for himself. The family of the dummies is very numerous. 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 283 
 
 yet dignified ; commanding, but polite ; and, conscious of her 
 own fine person, and its powerful influence upon the opposite 
 sex, she left nothing untried that could tend to improve it. 
 She could smile at a comic incident, and shed tears over a 
 pathetic tale ; but it was more from the impulse of the 
 moment than any deep impression they had made upon her 
 feelings • and when these convulsive efforts had subsided, they 
 were nearly forgotten by her for ever. Kate, too, was fond 
 of ACCOMPLISHMENTS, not precisely as accomplishments, but on 
 account of their commanding attention; and, under this 
 idea, she had been actively industrious to make herself mistress 
 of everything that could add to her importance. She could 
 sing well— dance elegantly — was a proficient in music — an 
 adept at drawing — a delightful scholar, and the tout ensemble 
 completed with the manners of a lady. The Corinthian was 
 her idol, but it was not from all-powerful LOVE, — it was not 
 that tender symptom which operates so penetratingly on the 
 first sight of an individual, that agitates, produces tremblings, 
 palpitations of the heart, and creates confusion in the breasts 
 of females, and yet cannot be accounted for, BUT SO IT IS ! 
 No ; it was her AMBITION that had sealed the contract. It 
 was the splendid fortune of TOM, his elegant figure, his 
 superior abilities, his great character, and his being the TON, 
 that had fastened upon her eye ; and Kate preferred the envy 
 of her sex, in securing such a hero to herself, rather than to 
 be pitied for loving him without obtaining a conquest, being 
 lost, as it were, to the world, and sighing and pining in some 
 private corner. Pkopriety, and even cliaracter, had been 
 leaped over in order to gratify her ambition; and even sinning 
 with her eyes open : but — ■ 
 
 The world was never wickeder than now — 
 AVjsdlock abused — her bond pronounced a jail 
 
284 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 A WIFE call'd vilely ' ev'ry body's cow, 
 
 A canister, or lone to a dog's tail ! ' 
 What dare not knaves of this degenerate day 
 Of Marriage, decent hallow'd marriage, say ? 
 
 ' Wedlock 's a heavy piece of beef, the rump 
 Keturns to table, hash'd, and stew'd, and fried, 
 And in the stomach much to lead allied, 
 
 A hard, unpleasant, undigested lump : ' 
 But fornication ev'ry man enjoys — 
 A smart anchovy sandwich — that ne'er cloys — 
 A bonne houclic men are ready to devour, — 
 Swallowing a neat half dozen in an hour. 
 ' Wedlock,' they cry, ' is a hard pinching boot, 
 
 But fornication is an easy shoe — 
 The first won't suit ; 
 It won't do, 
 
 ' A girl of pleasure 's a light fowling-piece — 
 AVith this you follow up your game with ease ; 
 
 That heavy lump, a wife, confound her ! 
 JTakes the bones crack. 
 And seems upon the sportsman's breaking back, 
 
 A lumb'ring eighteen pounder! 
 
 * One is a summer-house, so neat and trim, 
 To visit afternoons for Pleasure's whim ; 
 
 So airy, like a butterfly so light : 
 The OTHER an old castle with huge walls — 
 Where Melancholy mopes amid the halls, 
 
 Wrapp'd in the doleful dusky veil of night ! ' 
 
 But, to use Jerry's own words, respecting the lovely 
 Sue, he has often since been heard to remark, — " What a vast 
 difference appeared between these two females. While Kate," 
 said he, " has excited your astonishment, from her dignity, 
 grandeur, and self-possession, — the tenderness, solicitude, and 
 anxiety to please, portrayed by Sue, has interested every one 
 in her behalf beyond description. Unconscious of the influence 
 which her lovely person and beauty had upon her beholders, 
 
z 
 < 
 
 o 
 
 I- 
 
 o 
 o 
 
 o 
 
 O 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 285 
 
 she required not tlie aid of art to render it more effective, but 
 which tended to make her simplicity doubly captivating." 
 The mildness of Sue's disposition was unfortunately the means 
 of her becoming a sacrifice to her designing protector. Sincere, 
 in her own professions of love, she believed the emphatic vows 
 of her hero to be equally true ; and therefore, had yielded to 
 his entreaties ; but, in return. Sue found herself deceived for 
 her generous, unlimited affection. She had not one grain of 
 liarshness in her whole composition. She could, also, boast of 
 accomplishments equal to Corinthian Kate, but Sue was 
 more reserved in displaying them ; as ambition did not fire her 
 brain to excel other females in beauty, grandeur, or talents. 
 In short, lovely Sue partook more of the interesting tender 
 companion than the high-notioned, extravagant, dashing mis- 
 tress. The dispositions of our heroines not coming in contact 
 with each other, they were intimate friends ; and Kate was 
 extremely partial to Sue, who was her neighbour and also a 
 frequent visitor. Females, in general, it should seem, are not 
 very fond of introducing pretty women to the company of 
 their male acquaintances ; but Sue was viewed more in the 
 light of a pretty foil, by Corinthian I^ate, than in the dan- 
 gerous character of a powerful RIVAL. It was under this 
 impression that the LOVELY SuE was invited to meet the 
 
 TRIO. 
 
 After the Oxonian had played several pieces of lively music, 
 he requested as a favour that Kate and his friend Tom would 
 have the kindness to preform a waltz. Kate without any 
 hesitation immediately stood up ; Tom offered his hand to his 
 fascinating partner ; LoGiC struck up a favourite air, when 
 this lascivious dance took place. The Plate conveys a correct 
 representation of the " gay scene" at that precise moment. The 
 anxiety of the Oxonian to witness the attitudes of this elegant 
 
286 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 pair had nearly put a stop to their movements, on his turning 
 roun(i from the pianoforte, and presenting his comical mug to 
 their notice, crying out ^^ Bravo T It was with the utmost 
 difficulty that Kate could suppress a laugh, it had such a 
 risible effect upon her countenance ; and it was impossible for 
 the Corinthian to assume anything like an air of gravity upon 
 this occasion. Jeery was too much attracted by the charms 
 of lovely Sue to notice the above circumstance, or even to 
 spare the corner of one, of his eyes to view the superior dancing 
 of Kate and Tom, his time being completely occupied in 
 singing, more after the style of Incledon than Braham, to 
 the interesting object before him — 
 
 " When I gazed on a beautiful face, 
 
 Or a form that my fancy approved ; 
 I was pleased with its sweetness and grace. 
 
 And falsely believed that I loved; 
 Per I could loot, I could like, I could leave. 
 But I never loved any till now." 
 
 As lovely Sue was only a visitor like himself, and not under 
 the immediate influence of any person present, Jerry thought 
 there was no bar to his saying a thousand civil things to her ; 
 and more especially as she did not apjjear offended at any of 
 his remarks. 
 
 None of the company were starters,'^ and both I^ate and 
 
 ^ The lateness of the houk never had any influence upon the minds of 
 our TKIO while "mirth was afloat;" and neither Tom, Jebrt, or Logic 
 came under the denomination of starters I Our heroes were too fond of 
 PLEASURE to lose a single atom of it : and, therefore, they left it to the 
 EEQUtAES (the eleven and twelve o'clock sort of people, who would not 
 stay a minute longer for the world) to break up the Utiles of hakmony. 
 Indeed, it is very often experienced in society, that, when any person has 
 taken Ha departure, who had contributed, in a great measure, to the 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 287 
 
 Sue sang some delightful airs during the evening. The song 
 and the glass had also passed very briskly round between the 
 TRIO, till the face of Logic had assumed a shining aspect : 
 Jerry was getting very merry ; and the Corinthian, quite 
 full of spirits, was laughing at a small piece of torn paper, 
 which he had just picked up off the carpet, and respecting 
 which both Kate and Sue had denied having any knowledge. 
 It contained the following sentences, which Tom read aloud : 
 — "Mary Devis begs leave to inform the ladies in general that 
 she answers all sorts of difficult questions proposed to her, in 
 a satisfactory manner ; nativities cast, &c., and is to be heard 
 
 of ." " This is some old Fortune-Teller, I '11 be sworn," 
 
 says Tom ; " and if I knew the direction, Jerry, you and I 
 would pay her a morning visit. Come, ladies, do not be so 
 unkind j give us the Old Hag's direction ! " Both Kate and 
 Sue blushed with confusion, but again denied any knowledge 
 of the circumstance. 
 
 Logic, at length, grew tired of performing on the pianoforte, 
 and, having no other companion to engage his attention, begged 
 leave, that the " odd one," as he termed himself, might 
 retire. The lovely Sue also proposed taking her departure, 
 when Jerry, with a squeeze of the hand, insisted upon 
 seeing her safe home. Thus it was the trio separated, and 
 finished their "GAY moments!" for that sitting, but under 
 a general promise that they would have another meeting the 
 first opportunity. 
 
 Logic, according to promise, kept his appointment to 
 
 mirth and amuaement of the evening, a degree of flatness has instantly- 
 pervaded the scene — the remaining company hecome dull, and the 
 frequent result is a general bbpahation. The "good-nights " and the 
 " good-hyes " bo vneettle the party, that it is impossible to keep them iteady 
 afterwards. 
 
288 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 meet our heroes at the Eooms, in St James's Street, to 
 witness "the assault'' between Corinthian Tom and Mr 
 O'Shaunessy. Jerry expressed his admiration, and Logic 
 was also loud in his praise, at the superior style displayed by 
 Tom in the ornamental parade of quarte and tierce ; and also at 
 the coolness and skill exhibited by the CORINTHIAN in the 
 grand assault. "Indeed," said Logic, "as an amateur, I never 
 saw any one equal to him ; and I really think that he would 
 puzzle, if not be a competent match for many persons who call 
 themselves professors. Jerry, you really must take a few 
 lessons from Mr O'Shaunessy before you return to Haivthoni 
 Hall. It is an elegant accomplishment, and no gentleman ought 
 to be without some knowledge of it.^ If it were not for my 
 "green specs" (smiling), "I should like to have a bit of a flourish, 
 and demand a ' taste of your quality ' before I suffered you to 
 depart.'' "I cannot, my dear Bob," replied Jerry, "expose my 
 ignorance of fencing here ; but, next time I meet you in the 
 Chaffing Crib, if you like it, I will show you hoiv to use a cudgel. 
 
 1 "There is no exercise," says Sir John Sinclair, in his code of 
 Health and Longevity, " with a view to health, better entitled to the 
 attention of those who are placed among the higher classes of society than 
 that of TENCINH. The positions of the body, in fencing, have for their 
 objects erectness, firmness, and balance ; and in practising this art the 
 chest, the neck, and the shoulders, are placed in positions the most 
 beneficial to health. The various motions of the arms and limbs, whilst 
 the body maintains its erect position, enables the muscles, in general, to 
 acquire vigorous strength ; and, in young people, the bones of the chest 
 and thorax necessarily become more enlarged, by means of which a con- 
 sumptive tendency may be prevented. Various instances may be adduced 
 where fencino has prevented consumption and other disorders. It has 
 been remarked, also, that those who practise this art are, in general, 
 remarkable for long lite and the good health they have enjoyed. These 
 considerations, combined with the graceful movements which it esta- 
 blishes, and the elegant means of self-defence which it furnishes, certainly 
 render the art an object of considerable importance." 
 
z 
 z 
 
 E 
 
 3 
 < 
 
 Z "^ 
 < E 
 
 O E 
 O 
 
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KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 289 
 
 Only a small task" " No, no," answered Logic, " that won't 
 pi ! " The Plate is an interesting pretty picture altogether ; 
 and, it must be admitted, the fencers display great ease and 
 elegance in their attitudes. Mr O'Shaunessy not only met 
 with a most flattering reception, but he was pronounced a 
 complete master of the art. 
 
 On quitting the Fencing-Eooms, Tom and Jerry accom- 
 panied Logic to the Albany, where they bid good-bye to the 
 Oxonian : and, in their way towards Bedford Square, having 
 an appointment at that place, Hawthorn espied, at a short 
 distance before him, in Eussell Street, Kate and Sue tripping 
 it along, as if in great haste. Jerry instantly mentioned the 
 circumstance to TOM, but the COEINTHIAN had scarcely caught 
 a glimpse of their persons, when they quickly turned down an 
 obscure narrow street ; and if the curiosity of our heroes had 
 not been strongly excited, so as to give them a run for it, they 
 must have lost sight of the ladies altogether, having only 
 turned the corner of the street time enough to witness their 
 entrance into a very shabby, dirty-looking house. Jerry and 
 Tom soon approached it. The door being open, sans ceremonie 
 they ascended the stairs, upon which a brush did not appear to 
 have been used for many a day ; and, indeed, they were now 
 so covered with mud, that a sliovel would have been a far more 
 appropriate article, before any water could have reached the 
 boards so as to restore them to anything like a decent appear- 
 ance. Our heroes, however, were not to be deterred in their 
 ascent, and they arrived at the top of the house. " It must 
 be the Fortune-Teller's," ToM whispered to Jerry. The Old 
 Impostor (which the Plate represents), was " Imjiiig out the 
 cards," as she termed it, to tell the "fortunes" of Sue and 
 Kate : but, it appears, she possessed no knowledge ivhatever of her 
 OWN FORTUNE, when she was apprehended by the poJice- 
 
290 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 oflScers, and afterwards tried at the Sessions House, Clerken- 
 well Green, and sentenced to six months' imprisonment. Of 
 the above punishment that was in store for the Old Hag, her 
 cards were so unkind to their mistress as never to give the 
 least hint. This circumstance alone, respecting the ignomnce of 
 FORTUNE-TELLERS, speaks volumes to the unwary. But such 
 is the credulity of mankind, that nothing can allay the thirst 
 for a " peep into futurity ! " ^ Kate and Sue had fallen into 
 
 ' Between thirty and forty years since, a woman of the name of 
 COEBTN resided in a very small house, which she kept to herself, next 
 door to the sign of the Bricklayers' Arms, in King's Gate Street, Holborn, 
 who, at that period, and for several years afterwards, was in high repute 
 as a fortune-teller, or " cunning woman'' from her printed hand-bills, 
 which she had well circulated in the areas of houses belonging to noble- 
 men, and other persons of rank, at the west end of the town, and iu 
 various parts of the Metropolis, in order to decoy the women and men- 
 servants to have their fortunes told; also, that they might put these bills 
 into the hands of the daughters of their masters ; in which she set forth 
 "that she could give satisfactory answers to all questions respecting 
 persons at a distance, either upon the sea or land, — cast the nativities of 
 individuals, — resolve difficult points,'' &c. This bill had the desired 
 effect, and Mrs Cokbtn carried on a roaring trade. She was an extremely 
 ignorant woman, but really a cunning one, so far as to cheat those persons 
 who came to see her out of their money; and although she could not 
 read a book, yet she could converse with the planets fluently. Neither had 
 Mrs Cokbtn the slightest knowledge of arithmetic; but she was quite 
 expert, or pretended to be so, in calculating nativities. She, however, was 
 a bold, confident woman, and well knew the method of working upon the 
 credulity of the female sex in particular. Mrs Cokbtn was no stranger to 
 the impression made upon the mind by stage effect ; and therefore, the 
 room which individuals were ushered into by her servant, was so darkened 
 as to produce a solemn and appalling appearance upon the stranger, who, 
 in general, was left alone for about a minute : the walls were covered with 
 the sun, moon, stars, &c., painted in black, for the visitor to contemplate. 
 This sort of suspense had its importance ; when all of a sudden, out 
 popped the " cunning woman,'" dressed in a corresponding style, and in an 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 291 
 
 this error ; and Tom and Jerky thus traced them into the 
 Old Hag's apartment, when the hearts of the ladies were 
 beating pit-a-pat to hear the important secrets of their fate 
 
 assumed tone of voice, well calculated to excite fear in the breast of a 
 female, demanded to know the nature of the inquiry ? If the lady wished 
 to be informed respecting persons at a distance, then the " cunning woman " 
 opened a large black book, full of hieroglyphic characters, which she pre- 
 tended to consult upon the subject; and also pointed with her wand to 
 the stars, uttering some incoherent expressions, till she derived the 
 information to humbug the suitor. But, if it was about getting a husband, 
 and in what time, then the cards were laid out. And by way of a grand 
 climax, if more money was advanced (for Mrs Cokbyn had always an 
 excellent practice of being paid first), she offered to show any female the 
 exact Kkeuess of her future husband? If the person acquiesced, Mrs 
 CoBBYN bid her not to be frightened, in order to increase the effect of her 
 arts, and immediately she drew aside a curtain, which discovered a large 
 square of clear glass, behind which was a narrow passage, parted off from 
 the room, and a man whom she employed for the purpose, as a confederate : 
 on Mrs Coebtn uttering a few cabalistic sounds, totally unintelligible, the 
 confederate would show his face, and then vanish in an instant. This 
 piece of deception, which was well managed, operated so strongly upon 
 the feelings of many of her tender visitors, that they have not only 
 screamed out with terror, but several have actually fallen down in fainting- 
 fits. When any man wished to see his future wife, she had also a con- 
 federate female to play the part. Mrs CoEBTN increased so rapidly in 
 property, that she was enabled to leave her obscure dwelling for a more 
 capacious respectable house, which she had elegantly furnished, in Store 
 Street, Tottenham-court Eoad ; and where she carried on her deception in 
 high style, laughing in her sleeve, till she was ultimately routed by the 
 police. An impostor, of a similar description, also lived in the Old Bailey, 
 under the denomination of a " cunning incm," about the same period ; and 
 within the last five-and-twenty years, another hero of this class dwelt in 
 the neighbourhood of Bethnal Green, who was known by the appeUatiou 
 of the " straw man." This fellow had little figures made of straw, which, 
 in order to elude the pursuits of justice, it was his practice, before he 
 opened his "cunning lips," to make his visitors purchase. But, at length, 
 " the man of straw " was tried and convicted as a rogue and a vagabond, 
 
292 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 unfolded to them. The Plate sufficiently bespeaks the poverty 
 of the Hag's garret ; an old rug answered the double purpose 
 of keeping out the cold, and serving as a door, through a hole 
 in which ToM tickled Sue with his whip, in order to attract 
 her attention, and accompanied it, in a solemn disguised tone, 
 with the words of Macbeth to the Witches : — 
 
 " I conjure you, by that which you profess, 
 (Howe'er you come to know it) answer me. 
 Though you untie the winds," &c. 
 
 Sue, starting from her seat, trembling at every joint, ex- 
 claimed, " What shall we do % my patience ! here is the 
 Corinthian ! " Kate, afraid to turn her head round, to 
 meet the countenance of our hero, blushed, and felt ashamed 
 on being caught in so ridiculous a situation. But while ToM 
 and Jerry were laughing heartily at the confusion they had 
 made, Kate, followed by her friend, immediately ran down- 
 stairs, were in the street in an instant, and walking off as fast 
 as possible towards their residence, before the Corinthian and 
 his Coz had recovered themselves from this ludicrous scene. 
 Tom went in pursuit of the fair ones, leaving Hawthorn 
 behind to compose the feelings of the Old Hag, who was in a 
 dreadful state of agitation, not only from the sudden interrup- 
 tion which she had experienced, but under the fear that our 
 
 and sentenced to six months' imprisonment ; and for a second offence he 
 received the correction of the house. But, thanks to the vigilance of the 
 police, most of these bare-faced Impostors have been obliged to put down 
 their " callings; " and it is now principally practised by u, few gipsy 
 women, who go about early in the morning under the pretence of pur- 
 chasing clothes from the servant maids, before their masters or mistresses 
 are up ; and who prevail on these thoughtless, indiscreet girls to have their 
 fortunes told, in order to get them off their guard, that some of their gang 
 may, ia the interim, rob the house. 
 

KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 293 
 
 heroes were two officers of justice in search of her. " What ! " 
 said Jerry, smiling, " you a fortune-teller ! and your cards not 
 to tell you that you would have a great surprise before long 1 " 
 " Oh, dear ! no, sir," replied the old impostor ; " my cards 
 never tell such things as them are; but I hope you will have 
 some compassion, and do not mean to take me before a justice." 
 Hawthorn convinced this cunning woman of her error by 
 taking his departure, and using all the speed he was able to 
 overtake his party. Jerry soon came up with them, when 
 Kate and Sue, on finding the laugh against them, acknow- 
 ledged their error. " Say no more about the Old Hag," said 
 the Corinthian ; " and as she is now out of your sight, so let 
 the impostor be also out of your mind. I have got a fine treat 
 in store for you, that will excite more astonishment, and give 
 you more pleasure and satisfaction, than fifty visits to all the 
 cunning women in the world ! " " But pray tell us what it is, 
 that we may, in some degree, prepare ourselves for it," replied 
 Kate, backed in the most persuasive manner by the lovely 
 Sue. " Is it a Ball — a Masquerade — a visit to the Opera — 
 
 the Theatre — or " " You need not proceed any further, 
 
 my dear creature, with your questions," said Tom, "as it will 
 remain a profound secret with me till to-morrow morning, 
 eleven o'clock, when my Coz and I will call for you and your 
 friend ; therefore, as a favour, I must request that you do not 
 keep us waiting a single instant, as we are compelled to be at 
 the place by a specific time, or we shall not be admitted." 
 " You are a cruel, very cruel man ! " exclaimed Kate, " thus 
 to tantalise us : indeed, you are almost as bad as Blue Beard 
 with his blue chamber; but, nevertheless, you may depend upon 
 our being ready to a minute." Sue likewise endeavoured, 
 with all the playfulness she was mistress of, to obtain the 
 secret from Hawthorn ; but the latter, with a smile, impres- 
 sively gazed on her sweet face, squeezing her hand, and with 
 
294 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 a theatrical sort of dignity, declaimed, "I must be crwl, only 
 to be KIND ! " Prior engagements, on the part of our heroes, 
 compelled them to apologise for taking rather an abrupt leave 
 of the ladies for that evening ; but pledged themselves to pay 
 them an early visit the next morning. 
 
 The Corinthian and Jerry, accompanied by Logic, were 
 punctual to their appointment ; and Kate and Sue were 
 dressed long before the time, waiting with the utmost anxiety 
 to receive them. No delay now occurred, and the " gay 
 party " were in the carriage and rattling through the streets 
 before the fair ones had scarcely time to inquire after the 
 nature of the secret, or the name of the place they were about 
 to visit. " To Carlton Palace, ladies," replied Tom ; " and 
 if you do not, on your return home, aU of you say, that it 
 ecUpses every house you have j)reviously witnessed in the 
 Metropolis, I will forfeit anything you may be pleased to 
 inflict upon me, in thus highly raising your anticipation." 
 " Indeed, we will not let you off," cried Logic, " if we find 
 that you have imposed upon us ; and Jerry shall be the judge 
 upon this occasion." "Agreed," observed the CORINTHIAN. 
 The footman announced, by his handy work at the knocker, 
 that the party had arrived at Carlton Palace. 
 
 Tom, Jerry, Logic, Kate, and Sue, immediately entered 
 the Great Hall, which is extremely capacious, bemg forty- 
 four feet in length and twenty-nine in breadth. It has a noble 
 effect, is embelUshed with columns of beautiful Sienna marble, 
 and is also decorated with a variety of bronzed antique busts, 
 by Nollekens. It is well lighted by an oval skylight, and dis- 
 plays numerous sculptural ornaments. The pavement is of 
 marble, chequered with black j and six superb lanterns are 
 suspended in various parts of the HalL 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 295 
 
 The Vestibule is a fine apartment, wtich leads to the 
 centre of the suite of rooms. The ceiling is delightful. The 
 rich velvet draperies, a superb chandelier, and marble busts 
 of the Dukes of Devonshire and Bedford, Lord Lake, and 
 the late Eight Honourable Charles James Fox, all executed 
 by Nollekens, tend highly to interest the attention of the 
 visitors. 
 
 The Great Staircase, which is extremely grand, is divided 
 into arches, in the niches of which are two bronzed colossal 
 figures : one, as Atlas, supporting a circular map of Europe ; 
 and the other, as Time, holding up a clock of singular con- 
 struction. On the walls of the staircase is an equestrian 
 portrait of King George IL It is impossible to pass this 
 staircase without admiration. 
 
 The West Ante-Eoom is spacious, and is used as a waiting- 
 room for persons of distinction. It is well adapted for such 
 a purpose, as it contains whole-length portraits of the Duke 
 of Cumberland, uncle of his late Majesty; Henry Frederick, 
 Duke of Cumberland, brother of the late King, painted by 
 Sir Joshua Reynolds, in a style of excellence equal to any of 
 the tints of Eeubens or Vandyke ; also a portrait of the late 
 Duke of Orleans, by Reynolds. There is likewise a portrait 
 of the Duke of Clarence, in naval uniform, by Hoppner, 
 which is much admired. Portraits of Louis XV., King 
 George II., and Queen Caroline, are also to be seen in this 
 apartment. 
 
 The Crimson Drawing-Eoom is splendid indeed. It is a 
 fine combination of art and effect ; and undoubtedly a proud 
 trophy of the superiority of the manufactures of Great Britain. 
 The draperies are of crimson satin, and the walls are also 
 
296 LIFE IN LONDON: 
 
 covered with the same article. The carpet, which is of alight 
 bluish velvet, is a fine piece of workmanship, on which are 
 the crest and coronet of the present King, when Prince of 
 Wales. This apartment is also distinguished for a superb 
 font, a present from his Holiness the Pope. The centre 
 chandelier, it is said, in point of grandeur, cannot be equalled 
 in Europe. It also abounds with fine portraits of the late Dr 
 Markham, Archbishop of York, tutor to his present Majesty, 
 painted by Eoppner ; Lord Erskine, by Reynolds ; Lord Thur- 
 low, by iSir T. Lawrence, : the celebrated Marquis of Granby, 
 hj Reynolds ; the Jewish Bride, hj Renihrandt ; and the picture 
 of St George's Interview with the Princess, after having killed 
 the Dragon, by Reubens, which give a climax to this apart- 
 ment, that must be seen to be fairly appreciated. 
 
 The Circular-Room is a fine relief to the preceding 
 one, having a tent-like appearance, from the suspension of 
 Roman drapery of light blue silk, with which the walls are 
 in part covered. The ornaments are numerous ; and the 
 ceding is painted to represent a sky. A very large cut- 
 glass chandelier is reflected in four pier-glasses opposite ; 
 added to which magical effect, the pier-glasses also reflect 
 each other. The sensation it has upon the visitor is not to be 
 described. 
 
 The Throne-Room, which the Plate represents, con- 
 veys all the magnificence of Royalty. The draperies are 
 of crimson velvet, ornamented with gold-lace fringe, &c. 
 Jerry was quite absorbed in thought with the grandeur 
 by which he was surrounded, till Logic, smiling, tapped 
 him on the shoulder, and asked him, "if he called the 
 position he then stood in lacking the Throne?" Jerry 
 started from his reverie, and laconically observed, " I am 
 
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KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 297 
 
 astonished ! " " This very large, handsome carpet, on which 
 we now tread," said Logic, " I understand, is all in one 
 j)iece. It weighs more than a ton, was originally an inch 
 in thickness, and made in Spitalfields.'' The attendant 
 rather animatedly observed, "Sir, all the carpets through- 
 out the Palace are of English manufacture. The King 
 will not suffer anything else to remain here, except 
 presents." 
 
 Ante-Chamber, formerly the Throne-Eoom. This is also 
 a very interesting and elegant apartment. The draperies are 
 blue velvet, and the walls covered with the same, gold lace, 
 fringes, &c., sofas and chairs of gold to correspond. This 
 room contains a rich crimson-coloured carpet, the centre of 
 which is embellished with the Eoyal arms. An exquisite 
 chimnej--piece of white marble, decorated in the most superb 
 style. Pier-glasses reflecting each other ; and on the panels 
 of the doors gilt ornaments in carved work, representing the 
 orders of the Garter, Bath, St Andrew, and St Patrick. 
 This room is embellished with whole length portraits of the 
 late King in his coronation robes, and her late Majesty 
 Queen Charlotte, as a companion, painted by Ramsey. 
 Also the portraits of the present King, in the robes 
 of the order of the Garter, by Hoppner ; and, as a com- 
 panion, the Duke of York, by the late Sir Joshua 
 Reynolds. 
 
 The Eose Satin Drawing-Eoom is fitted up in the 
 Chinese style, and the walls are covered with rose-coloured 
 satin damask, with gold mouldings. The chimney-piece is 
 also in the Chinese style ; but a splendid looking-glass, and 
 the hangings and furniture are all English. It abounds with 
 beautiful China ornaments, valuable stones, &c. It is also 
 
298 LIFE m LONDON. 
 
 conspicuous for a circular table, jjresented by Louis XVIII. to 
 his present Majesty, which is one of the finest pieces of art of 
 the Sevres manufacture ever seen. It is painted on porcelain, 
 and set in a rich mounting of gold ; in the centre of which is 
 a painting of Alexander the Great, surrounded with profiles 
 of all the great heroes of antiquity. To the lovers of paint- 
 ing, this ajpartment affords a rich and interesting treat. Two 
 three-quarter portraits of Henrietta Maria, Queen of Charles 
 I. by Vandyke, exquisitely finished. Two large Landscapes, by 
 Cuyp ; three cabinet pictures also by the same artist. A 
 Hawking Scene, by Adrian Van de Velde. The Manteau 
 Bleu, by Metz. Sportsmen Eegaling, by Faul Potter. The 
 Coup de Pistoler, by P. Wouvermans. Children with a 
 Guinea-pig and a Kitten, by Adrian Van der Werf. Interior 
 of a Kitchen, by Mieris. Cavaliers preparing for Riding, by 
 Cuyp. Crossing the Brook, by Adrian Van de Velde. The 
 terrified Boy, by Putter. This and the above painting are so 
 truly excellent as to defy an accurate description of their 
 merits. An Interior, by Peter Van Slingelandt. Portrait of 
 George I. by Sir Godfrey Kneller ; also of George II., unknown. 
 The VDlage Festival, by Tenters. A Herdsman and Cattle, by 
 Adrian Van de Velde. The Hay-Field, by Philip Wouvermans. 
 Several more cabinet pictures also form such a source of at- 
 traction to the admirers of the fine arts and old masters, that 
 it is a matter of sincere regret to leave them, to attend upon 
 the call of the person who shows the visitors these unrivalled 
 suite of apartments. 
 
 The Ante-Room, from the Entrance-Hall, an octagonal 
 vestibule, leads to the suite of state apartments on the right, 
 and operates as a sort of prelude to the above magnificent 
 rooms. Between the windows, that are opposite the doors of 
 entrance, is a large pier-glass, which reflects the objects before 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE TELLER. 290 
 
 it, and produces a most interesting effect. The chimney-piece 
 of white marble is very fine ; and over it is an oval portrait 
 of the celebrated Madame Pompadour. This room is dis- 
 tinguished for a fine collection of bronze statues ; among 
 which is William III. in Eoman armour, crowned by Victory, 
 and tramping Eebellion under his feet. It has also two small 
 antique bronzes of the Venus de Medicis; likewise one of 
 Louis XIV. in Eoman armour. Over the panels of four doors 
 are portraits of the Princesses Augusta, Elizabeth, Mary, 
 and Sophia, painted with great delicacy. Louis XV. when a 
 youth, by Vandyke: Henry, Prince of Wales, son of 
 James I. Another oval portrait of Madame Pompadour, 
 after the manner of the French school, is also placed in this 
 apartment. 
 
 The Blue Velvet Eoom is the private audience chamber 
 of the King ; and its decorations are of the most magnificent 
 description. The ceiling is painted in imitation of a sky, 
 at the corners of which are representations of British naval 
 and military triumphs. The panels of the walls are dark blue 
 velvet, with gilt mouldings. The draperies and the carpet 
 are likewise blue. The state chairs, and also the sofas, are 
 covered with blue satin, and a superb cabinet mahogany table 
 stands in the centre of the room. Numerous pier-glasses, in 
 gilt frames, and paintings of the finest class render the tout 
 ejwemWe enchanting. TheShipwright of Antwerp, by i?«OT5raK(f<; 
 a Boat Piece, by Albert Cuyp ; the Baptism of the Eunuch by 
 Philip, painted by Both; and Christ restoring the Paraly- 
 tic, by Vandyhe, are among the finest compositions of the old 
 masters. 
 
 The Blue Velvet Closet is a corresponding appendage to 
 the preceding room, and is of the same elegant description. 
 
300 LIFE IN LONDON: 
 
 A sujoerb chandelier of cut-glass is suspended from the ceiling, 
 and the paintings are equally attractive. A Party returning 
 from Hawking, by P. Wouvermans. A Camp Scene, by Cuyp. 
 View of a Town in Flanders, by Vanderlieyden. The Haunted 
 Cellar, by Maas, a German story, is a master-piece of the art. 
 It portrays the mistress of the house stealing as it were down 
 the ladder that leads to a vault, with her fingers on her lips, 
 indicating her wish to be silent, to find out the ghost ; when 
 she discovers, at the extremity of the vault a light, and her 
 maid-servant, with her lover and a friend, drinking her wine. 
 There is also an excellent companion-picture by Metzu. A 
 View in Holland, by Vanderlieyden. A Landscape, by PMys- 
 dael. And also a cabinet picture containing portraits of King 
 Charles I, his Queen, and the Infant Prince, afterwards 
 Charles II., by Mytens, render the Blue Velvet Closet 
 a most conspicuous apartment, notwithstanding the fascin- 
 ating rivalry by which it is surrounded. This closet pro- 
 duced considerable mirth between our " gay party ; '' ToM 
 whispering to Kate to bear in mind the secret of the Blue 
 Chamber. Jerey also observed to Logic, that he never saw 
 " hlue look so pleasant before ! " when the Oxonian retorted, 
 with a grin, that he would bet ten to one " there was nothing 
 like Blue Buin about it." 
 
 The Lower Suite of Apartments is entered, after descend- 
 ing the grand staircase, by a vestibule, the windows of vrhich 
 open to the lawn. This room has a double row of Corinthian 
 columns and pilasters, forming a colonnade, at the ends of 
 which, and between the pilasters on both sides of the apart- 
 ment, are splendid looking-glasses, which, from their reflection, 
 produce the appearance of an interminable colonnade. The 
 effect is delightful. The walls are covered with scarlet cloth, 
 with gilt mouldings, and the window-curtains and draperies 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 301 
 
 correspond. The chimney-piece is of statuary marble, over 
 which is a clock that has neither dial, face, nor hand, and is 
 viewed as a great curiosity. China ornaments, slabs, and 
 bronzed figures, candelabras of superior workmanship, are 
 numerous indeed. The pictures are also selected with great 
 taste, and a composition of Eoman architecture is an object of 
 great admiration. The following pictures embellish the 
 Lower Vestibule. A Landscape with Figures, by Bav'ul 
 Teniers. A Family Piece, by Groat. A Castle Piece, by 
 Nicholas Bexhem. A Water-Mill, by Holhina. A Stag Hunt, 
 by Hackacrt. An Old Woman buying Fruit, by Gerard Douw. 
 Horses, by Vandyke. Two Landscapes, by Teniers; and a 
 River Scene, by Cuy^. " The whole of these paintings are so 
 delightfully finished, that it almost seems a libel on the visitor's 
 taste, from the hurried manner he is compelled to pass them 
 over," said Logic to the Corinthian; " indeed it cannot he 
 termed any thing more than merely a glance at these royal 
 apartments." 
 
 The Library is large, and has five -irindows in it, which 
 look into the garden. The books are handsomely bound and 
 arranged iii classes, under the Librarian, Dr Stanier Clarke. 
 The appearance of the Library not only displays considerable 
 taste, but convenience has also been consulted. A fine collec- 
 tion of maps, concealed by the cornices of the book-cases, on 
 spring rollers, can be referred to without the least trouble. 
 The doors of the Library are also concealed by imitative books. 
 Here are, likewise, several groups of figures, busts, and horses, 
 and some fine miniature pieces of Eoman sculpture. Ebony 
 chairs, of the time of Henry VIIL, with scarlet cushions, and 
 the furniture, &c., to correspond. The chimney-piece is sup- 
 ported by four columns of the Corinthian order, and on which 
 is placed a curious clock, constructed by Sir \Y. Cc:reREVE 
 
302 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Bart. " A great respect is paid to Time^' said Jerry to LOGIC, 
 " as I have remarked, in the apartments we have gone through, 
 several magnificent clocks." " It is highly necessary in a 
 Palace,'' replied the Oxonian, " for the sake of example. Our 
 late revered good old King was a great timist, and, upon all 
 occasions, he was exactly to the minute : and believe me, my 
 dear Jerry, it is one of the best traits about a gentleman to 
 keep his time, for there is no harmony about the composition 
 without it." " Well said. Bob," observed the Corinthian. 
 
 The Golden Drawing-Eoom, which is entered from 
 the Library by folding doors, is a sj^lendid specimen of the 
 Corinthian order of architecture ; the columns of which 
 are entirely gilt with burnished and matted gold. The 
 panels of the doors contain whole pieces of looking-glass 
 from the top to the bottom, and are likewise so judiciously 
 placed in various parts of the room as to reflect each other, 
 which has an effect not to be described, representing no end, as 
 it were, to this magnificent apartment. It would require the 
 extent of a small volume minutely to describe the draperies, 
 the curtains, the China jars, the candlesticks, the tables, sofas, 
 &c. All that invention could suggest, all that the powers of 
 ART could master, and all that talents could supply, have been 
 united with such a felicity of effect in this Golden Drawing- 
 Room, as proudly to bid anything like competition defiance. 
 It has also to boast of the following rich subjects of the 
 pencil : — Village Fetes, by Tenters. A Horse-Market, by P. 
 Wouvermans ; and a Laboratory, by D. Teniers. A beautiful 
 time-piece, of white marble, induced the lovely Sue, with a 
 smile, to observe, on quitting this enchanting place, " Mr 
 Hawthorn, you seem to have passed over 'Time.' " " Indeed, 
 madam," replied Jerry, " I think, my friend Logic, with all 
 his knowledge of harmony, would not be able to ' keep time ' 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 303 
 
 on entering this golden apartment." " I am inclined to agree 
 witli you, Coz," said the Corinthian. This Golden Eoom 
 positively electrified Jerry — surprised ToM — delighted Kate — 
 put Sue into raptures — and the Oxonian, with ecstacy, vowed 
 "there was nothing like it on the earth ! " The looking-glasses 
 on each side of the entrance of it made this small gay party 
 appear like several hundred persons. 
 
 The Gothic Dining-Eoom operates as a fine relief to the 
 preceding one. It is divided into five compartments, or Gothic 
 arches, with gold mouldings. The windows, which correspond, 
 have rich crimson silk draperies ; and the marble chimney- 
 piece is also designed in the Gothic style. At the east end is 
 a screen of four arches, each containing splendid looking- 
 glasses, with a magnificent side-board ; and the west end of 
 the room is nearly similar. It also abounds with character- 
 istic embellishments, and on the panels are emblazoned shields 
 of the royal arms of England from the reign of Edward the 
 Confessor to the time of Queen Anne. 
 
 The Bow Sitting-Room, wliich forms the entrance from 
 the grand staircase to the lower suite of apartments, is covered 
 with scarlet cloth, with gold mouldings. It has several rich 
 cabinets, gilt tables, China vases, and elegant candelabras. 
 But it is attractive from its fine collection of cabinet pictures 
 from the Flemish and Dutch masters. — The Wise Men's 
 Ofierings, by liembrandf : the excellence of this painting 
 challenges criticism. Two Interiors, by D. Teniers. Boy with 
 an Ass, by Adrian Van de Velde. Sleeping Pigs, and a Lady 
 at a Window, by Gerard Douw. A Portrait of a Painter, by 
 Metzer. A Landscape, by Poelemburgh. A Landscape, by 
 Bergliem. A Landscape, by Karl du Jardin. Two Interiors, 
 by Ostade. The Assumption of the Virgin, by Beubens. A 
 
304 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Castle-Piece, by Jardin. Robbers attacking a Waggon, by P. 
 Wouvermans. Portrait of Eeubens, by himself. Vandyke, by 
 himself. " The above paintings alone are quite sufficient," 
 said Tom, " to occupy more than the attention of one 
 dayj and then they might be reviewed with even greater 
 delight." 
 
 The Ante-Eoom to the Dining-Eoom is extremely interest- 
 ing from its fine chimney-piece, magnificent clock, set in 
 marble, cabinets of ebony, valuable stones, slabs of red 
 porphyry, and a great variety of superb porcelain vases. 
 The sofas and chairs are richly gilt and covered with scarlet 
 cloth, as are also the walls of this room. It has also numerous 
 paintings. A Conversation-Piece, by Mieris. Pan and Syrinx, 
 by Eeubens. Hawking, by JFynants. Blind Fiddler, by Ostade. 
 A Farrier's Tent, by F. Wouvermans. Cavaliers, by Cuyp. 
 Lady and Parrot, by Mieris. Maternal Affection, by Mieris. 
 Cattle, by Paul Potter. The Drummer, by D. Teniers. Eeturn- 
 ing from Hawking, by P. Wouvermans. An Interior, by Ostade. 
 Cattle, by Karl du Jardin. Milking, by Adrian Fan de Velde. 
 Fishermen, by D. Teniers. Domestic Employment, by Gerard 
 Douw. An Arbour, by Ostade. A Poulterer's Shop, by Mieris. 
 A Village Fete, by D. Teniers; and a Conversation-Piece, by 
 Mieris. " The principal part of these paintings, which are 
 such fine studies for our rising artists,'' said Tom, "I under- 
 stand, that his Majesty, whose love for the fine arts has not 
 been exceeded by any sovereign in Europe, with the utmost 
 liberality and condescension, has allowed, for the more easy 
 access of artists in general, to be placed, for a certain period, 
 in a public exhibition." " The King," replied Logic, " I have 
 also heard it said, possesses so excellent a knowledge of the 
 old masters, that no picture-dealers have had the temerity to 
 attempt to impose upon his judgment." 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 305 
 
 The DiNiNG-EoOM has a most magnificent appearance. The 
 west end of it opens, by three pair of folding doors, into the 
 Conservatory, the piers of which are looking-glasses. The 
 ends of the room have Ionic columns, in imitation of porphyry. 
 It has looking-glasses placed in all the advantageous parts of 
 the room. The ornaments throughout this splendid apartment 
 are also extremely numerous. The window-curtains are of 
 scarlet silk, and the chairs to correspond are also richly carved 
 and gilt. Five folding French windows, next the garden, in- 
 crease the effect of this beautiful room, which also abounds 
 ■with cabinet pictures : — Four different Views of a Calm, by 
 Van de Felde. The Billet-Dovx, by Gerard Terburg. An 
 Interior, by John Steen. A Music-Party, by Godfrey Halken. 
 An Interior, by the same. An Interior, by Ostade. An 
 approaching Gale, by Van de Velde ; and a Merry-Making, 
 by John Steen, close this invaluable collection of paintings. 
 
 The Conservatory, which is entered from the Dining- 
 Room by three pair of folding sash-doors of plate glass, 
 operates so interestingly upon the feelings of the spectator, 
 that it can scarcely be described. The perspective of the 
 Conservatory is delightful. It resembles the interior of a 
 small cathedral, and is formed after what is termed the Gothic 
 style of architecture. In some parts of the ceiling are panes 
 of glass, which increase the light and add to the effect. The 
 windows of painted glass contain the arms of all the sovereigns 
 of England, from William I. to George III. On the south side 
 are also the armorial bearings of the kings of England, from 
 WUliam I. to the late reign, to correspond. Tabernacle work 
 and appropriate figures give a delicate finish to the west end 
 of the building ; among which is a most exquisitely finished 
 piece of sculpture of Venus asleep, lollLng on her couch, in 
 white marble, by Canova, with a light gauze veil thrown over 
 
 U 
 
3o6 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 it : it is a master-piece of the art. Candelabras support lamps 
 of six burners each ; and also from the arches are suspended 
 Gothic lanterns, decorated with figures in stained glass. The 
 pavement is composed of Portland stone. 
 
 The Armory, consisting of three apartments, is a treat 
 indeed, and said to be the first in the world. It is on the 
 attic story of the eastern wing, in a gallery which leads to 
 the upper vestibule, but is not generally shown. Among 
 innumerable curiosities, is a collection of boots and spurs, 
 from the time of Charles I., particularly a pair of Marshal 
 Biron's, musket proof; also the boots worn by George II. 
 Caps, turbans, shields, bows, dresses, &c., of the inhabitants 
 of the southern hemisphere. Different implements of war 
 belonging to Austrian, Persian, Prussian, and English manu- 
 facture. Also of the Chinese and Eastern nations. Two 
 models of horses as large as life ; one of which is caparisoned 
 with the ornaments which belonged to Murat Bey : the other 
 with the armour and costume of the late Tippoo Saib. The 
 saddle and bridle of the late Hetman Platoff. A coat of mail 
 which belonged to Elphi Bey. A Persian war-dress. The 
 war-dress of a Chinese Tartar. The dagger of Zingis Khan. 
 A magnificent palanquin of Tippoo Saib's, of ivory and gold ; 
 with such a variety of sabres, swords, daggers, &c., as to render 
 this collection unrivalled. 
 
 On the "gay party" quitting CARLTON Palace, Tom 
 exclaimed, " This is a high treat : I have seen all the grand 
 rooms ia the Metropolis ; but the suite of apartments in this 
 Palace exceeds them all." " It is indeed a high treat," replied 
 Kate ; "I am quite delighted ! There is such a superior 
 something about these rooms, that they impressively remind 
 one of the interesting fictions we read in the Arabian Nighti 
 
KATE AND SUE VISIT A FORTUNE-TELLER. 307 
 
 Entertainments ; aud seem to partake more of the magical touch 
 of tlie Talisman than beholding the reality of works, which, 
 in so eminent a point of view, tend to display the ingenuity 
 and talents of the artists of this country. In short, my dear 
 Tom, I feel much at a loss for adequate expressions to convey 
 my opinion to you of the taste, elegance, dignity, grandeur, 
 richness, beauty, originality, and interest, of this most imposing 
 scene ; and without any doubt, in my humble opinion, it must 
 be admitted, by the most fastidious critic, to be the ' NE PLUS 
 ULTEA of Life in London ! '" In short, the numerous 
 highly finished cabinet pictures, by the old masters ; portraits 
 of all the Eoyal Family ; chandeliers ; library ; draperies ; 
 time-pieces : furniture, &c. &c., form such a combination of 
 talent, that Tom observed, "no person could quit Carlton 
 Palace without the most sincere regret that he had not had 
 three or four days allowed him to wander amidst its unrivalled 
 attractions, instead of being hurried through the rooms in the 
 short space of one hour and a half." 
 
CHAPTER XII. 
 
 A short Digression in the Shape of an Apology, but not intended 
 by way of an Excuse, for Persons witnessing " Life in 
 London." Peep-o'-Day-Boys. A Street-Row. The Author 
 losing his " Reader." ^ Tom and Jerry " showing Fight" 
 and Logic floored. Hottour a?nong Thieves. The Pocket 
 Pooh — a rich Anecdote. The Trio visit the Condem?ied 
 Yard in Newgate. Syntptoms of the " Finish of some 
 SORTS of Tife" in London. A Glance at the Royal Exchange. 
 Tom, Jerry, and Logic entering into the Spirit of the 
 Lark, at ALLMAX, in the East. Invocation to Polite- 
 ness — a Touch of the Sublime ! The Contrast. Climax 
 of " Life in London " in the West. Tom and Jerry on 
 their P's and Q's at ALMACK'S ; or, a Fat Sorrow better 
 than a Lean One. 
 
 IF "misfmiunes," as the old saying has it, " attend the righte- 
 ous," the wicked, as a matter of course, cannot expect to go 
 unpunished : although a man might have the " Old One's ^ luck 
 and his own too ! " " If," said LoGiO to Jerry (after the latter 
 
 ^ Pochet-iook : this loss, at the time it occurred, was severely felt by 
 the Author ; but to have lost a single reader of Life in London would 
 have proved much more mortifying to his feelings. He cannot spare one 
 of them, even numerous as they are. 
 
 ' A aenteel name for the Devil. 
 
TOM ^ JERRY ON THEIR P's ^ Q's AT ALMACK'S. 309 
 
 hero had been complaining to him on getting up rather late 
 one morning after a night's spree, that he thought his constihi- 
 tion had got a little scratch since he had left Hawthorn-Hall), 
 " people who are fond of a lark ; enjoy a row ; love a hit of fun; 
 take a peep at &fair; join in a hop ; go to a mill; play at 
 rouge etnoir; parade the ZoiJy ; stroll through the back-slums;''- 
 visit the cock and dog pits ; spend a few interesting moments 
 at gaffing;" llow a cloud at a free and easy; meet with Mr 
 Lushington ; drop in on the sly at a case ; floor the clmrleys, and, 
 after all, nothing be the matter, why then it is a prime circum- 
 stance in the career of a man indeed. But it is five hundred 
 to one, that all the above events do not come off right, with the 
 most experienced and skilful sportsman : that is to say, my 
 dear friend, if you do not get punished in your person, yet you 
 may be most preciously physicked in your die ; and, if you have 
 even the good fortune to keep your peepers from being measured 
 for a suit of mourning ; your canister from being cracked ; and 
 your face from being spoiled among the low coveys of St Kill's ; 
 you are, perhaps, even in more real danger among the refined 
 heroes of the creation, from paying too much 'attention'^ 
 where politeness is measured out to the extreme nicety of 
 splitting a hair at the West End assemblies. 
 
 ^ Low, unfrequented parts of the town. 
 
 ^ Termed low gambling : yet resorted to by many persons, instead of 
 the old mode of " tossing up." Three halfpence are put into a hat, which 
 is then turned down upon a table ; and if the crier call heads, and the 
 halfpence are all so, then he wins. It is rather a tedious mode of plaj^, 
 as considerable time is frequently lost before the halfpence come off right 
 either way. However, thousands of pounds have changed masters in this 
 manner, in London, in the course of a short night. 
 
 -■' Paying too much " attention " to the ladies has occasioned more than 
 some John Bull sort of ill-natured unaccommodating husbands to give 
 such very polite gallants a dose of leaden powder, that has cooled their 
 courage, or, at least, checied their importunities. 
 
310 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 The Author is most feelingly compelled to acquiesce in the 
 justness of the preceding remarks, made use of by his friend 
 Logic, respecting " Life in London," from the great danger 
 he once unexpectedly experienced in only mixing with a 
 private party at the Albany, which originated in a genteel 
 suit, although the finish of it assumed rather a diflferent com- 
 plexion. And, like a drowning man who will catch at a 
 straw, the Author, to avoid being totally sliipwrecked with the 
 public, is induced, as an illustration of the arguments made 
 use of by the Oxonian, to give the following case in point : — 
 
 TO THE SUBSCRIBEES TO « LIFE IN LONDON." 
 
 THE AUTHOR IN DISTRESS ! ^ 
 He jests at a " lark " that never felt a bcbatch ! 
 
 My numerous and dearest Friends, 
 
 Of necessity, I am compelled to state to you, that, 
 having accepted an invitation from Bob Logic, about three 
 weeks since, to spend an evening with him and a few of his 
 Swell Pals, at the Albany, I pleaded business, and that the 
 "First of the Month" must come. "I know it," replied 
 Bob, "but it shall be a sobe7- set-out: Pierce, you shall 
 ti^le as you Hke." In consequence of Bob's plausihility, I 
 was gammoned to be one of the squad. Mixed liquors and 
 steamers were the order of the darkey. But he praised so 
 highly a cargo of Daffy, which he had just received from the 
 Nonpareil, that Daffy and water was the preferred suit. 
 After a glass or two had been sluiced over the ivories of the 
 
 1 Not out of wind, nor beat to a stand-still ; but sorry that I am com- 
 pelled to forfeit on the 1st of January, 1821, being out of condition to 
 appear hang-up at the scratch. 
 
o 
 
 
 
 
 o 
 
 I 
 
 >- o: 
 
 o cc 
 
 o o 
 
 « 1- 
 
 I o 
 - tf 
 
TOM a^ JERRY ON THEIR P's &= Q's AT ALMACICS. 31 1 
 
 party, which made some of them begin loudly to chaff, BOB 
 gave the winh to his slavey, observing that more hot water 
 was wanted. A large kettle, boiling at the spout, was 
 speedily introduced, but instead of water, read boiling Daffy. 
 The assumed gravity of Bob's mug upon playing off this trick 
 was quite a treat ; but I am happy to say Grodky looked it. 
 " Come, gents," said Bob, " please yourselves, here is plenty 
 of water, now mix away." It had the desired effect. The 
 glass was pushed about so quickly, that the " First of the 
 Month " was soon forgotten, and we kept it up till very long 
 after the Eegulars had been tucked up in their dais, and 
 only the Roosters and the " Peep-o'-Day-Boys '' were out on the 
 prowl for a spree. At length a move was made, but not a 
 rattler was to be had. Bob and the party, chaffing, proposed to 
 see the Author safe to his sky-parlour. The boys were primed 
 for anything. Upon turning the corner of Sydncifs Alley, 
 into Leicester-Fields, we were assailed by some troullesome 
 customers, and a turn-up was the result (as the Plate most 
 accurately represents). Bob got a stinker, and poor I received 
 a chancery-suit upon the nol. How I reached the upper-story, 
 I know not ; but, on waking, late in the day, I found my 
 pocket-book was absent— without leave. I was in great grief 
 at this loss, not on account of the blunt it contained, — much 
 worse — the notes in it were dearer than gold to me. , The 
 account of Jerey's introduction to the Marchioness of Dia- 
 monds, the Duchess of Hearts, Lady Wanton, Dick Trifle, 
 Bill Dash, &c. &c., on his first appearance in Eotten Row 
 with the Corinthian, booked on the spot. I was in a com- 
 plete funk. I immediately went to sariain persons, and com- 
 municated my loss ; how, where, and when; and I was consoled, 
 that, if it were safe. Pierce Egan should have it. Day after 
 day passed, and no account of it ; — I gave it up for lost, and 
 scratched my moppery, again and again, but cotdd not recollect, 
 
3 1 3 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 accurately, the substance of my notes. I was sorry for myself j 
 — I was sorry for the public. However, on Friday morning 
 last, taking a turn into Paternoster Eow, my friend Jones, 
 smiling, said lie had got the Book : — as he is fond of a bit of 
 gig, I thought he was in fun, — but, on handing it over to me, 
 with the following letter, my peepers twinkled again with 
 delight. 
 
 To the care of Mr Jones, for P. Egan. 
 
 Sir, — You see as how I have sent that are Litter ^ Pocket- 
 Book, which so much row has been kicked up about amongst 
 us. Vy it an't vorth a single tonic."^ Who 's to understand 
 it ? vy it 's full of pot-hooks and hangers ^ — and not a screen * 
 in it. You are determined nobody shall Tiose your Hears. 
 If your name had not been cJiaunted in it, it would have been 
 dinged into the dunagan. But remember, no conking. 
 
 From yours, &c. 
 
 Dec. 29, 1820. Tim Hustle. 
 
 The joy I felt on recovering my Pocket-Book I cannot 
 communicate. But that is not all. In my exertions to find 
 it, I picked up a rich anecdote, concerning " another Pocket- 
 BOOK," which amply compensates for the unpleasant feelings 
 I have experienced on the above occasion, and which is now 
 given to the public* But in all probability, had it not been 
 
 » Literary. ^ A half-penny. 3 Short-hand. 
 
 * One pound note. An author, indeed, with money in his pocket-book, 
 would be a novelty in Life in London. But, in the North, they are not 
 quite so Soott free in this respect. Merit is, at all times, worthy of 
 reward. 
 
 ' A well known dashing Peig, whose HEAD was considered to have been 
 
 tcremed on the right way, of the name of . No, No, No ! no nonng ; 
 
 this hero, with every finger on his hands like a fish-hook, in his way to his 
 
TOM &= JERRY ON THEIR P's i^ Q's AT ALMACK'S. 313 
 
 for the above loss, this anecdote would have remained in ob- 
 livion ; and, therefore, it is, most certainly, an " an ill wind 
 
 lodgings one erening, up Market Lane, the back part of the Opera House, 
 
 on an Opera night, crossed Lord as he was making towards his 
 
 carriage, and with great dexterity drawed the Peek of his Pocket Book. 
 
 immediately put the best leg foremost, and arrived out of breath at 
 
 his panny, " almost before you could say Jack Robinson." But, ou 
 examining the Book, to his great disappointment, it only contained a few 
 trifling memorandums. It was, however, such a beautiful piece of work- 
 manship, that instead of destroying it (his usual precaution), he threw 
 the Pocket Book over to his hen, saying, " Poll, my dear, it is a pretty 
 article, and you may keep it for your own use. I feel rather tired. I 
 ehal), therefore, do no more worh to night, but go to bed." The Book for 
 a short time was thrown aside, but Poll's curiosity, woman-like, induced 
 her again to examine it, when, to her great joy and surprise, she found a 
 secret pocket containing £800 in new Bank Notes. Poll, in her eagerness 
 to communicate this good luck to her flash man, who was now asleep on 
 the dab, almost fell over the chairs ; exclaiming, and giving him a shako 
 
 at the same time, " You are a pretty Cove, , an't you^ To nap a 
 
 prime stake and then to ding it. Here 's £800 for you (flinging the notes 
 
 at him), and which must convince you, , that your mot is a trump ! " 
 
 scratching his noh with joy (something like a criminal receiving 
 
 a reprieve from execution), and his ogles sparkling with rapture, burst out 
 with ecstasy, " My eyes. Poll, you are a trump indeed I Give me a buss. 
 No more naughty tricks now. Our fortunes are made ; you sluM he a lady, 
 and J mil be a gentleman. I know of a prime public-house to let. To-morrow 
 morning I^ll take it, and leave a deposit of £40, wJien the remainder of our 
 
 lives will Oien be rendered as pleasant and as smooth as glass.'' had 
 
 so much an eye to business, that the darkey appeared tremendously long 
 to him. He tossed about quite restless, could scarcely get a few winks, 
 and wished for day-light with as great anxiety and eagerness as was dis- 
 played by Richard III. in the tent scene. 
 
 Dy heavens ] my stern impatience chides this tardy gaited night, 
 Who like a foul and ugly witch so tediously doth limp away 1 
 
 Day-light had scarcely peeped when he jumped from his dai — bussed his 
 staunch Poll, and togged himself ready to start. This uneasiness is easily 
 accounted for ; the doors of the Bank of England had not been opened a 
 minute, before , with a trusty Pal, had made all the large notes 
 
3 1 4 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 that blows no one any good." The return of my Book, however, 
 arrived too late to prevent the following 
 
 APOLOGY: 
 
 In consequence of Bob Logic's Daffy, only one sheet of 
 Letter Press accompanies the Plates of No. 5 ; but to make up 
 for this unavoidable deficiency, THREE SHEETS of Letter 
 Press will be given in No. 6. 
 
 I therefore trust, under all the circumstances of the case, a 
 liberal allowance will be made, when it is recollected that such 
 EAMBLES and SPEEES first gave the Author an idea of 
 detailing some of the "rich scenes'' which are only to be 
 found in 
 
 "LIFE IN LONDON." 
 
 Wishing health and happiness, united with the compliments 
 of the season, to all my numerous Subscribers, 
 
 I remain. 
 Your much obliged and humble servant, 
 
 P. EGAN. 
 Sky-Parloxir, 
 
 Jnnuary 1, 1821. 
 
 right. He then called and left a, deposit of £40 for the house before 
 alluded to ; and returned to communicate to Poll what he had done. 
 
 going out to spend the evening among a few of his associates, 
 
 gaffing was unfortunately for him introduced ; and long before the darkey 
 
 had vanished, a run of ill-luck had so far prevailed, that poor was 
 
 completely cleaned out : he had not a, feather left to fly with ; and was 
 compelled to borrow a hull to pay for a rattler to cany his unfortunate 
 
 body home. The Forty Pounds were also forfeited. , however, soon 
 
 recovered the shock ; and giving Poll a huss, exclaimed with great nalveti, 
 *' / have only, my Girl, to go to AVORK for more ! " 
 
TOM &• JERRY ON THEIR P's tST' Q's AT ALMACK'S. S'S 
 
 An opportunity presented itself to our trio to visit the 
 Condemned Yard in Newgate. " It was a mournful sight," 
 Logic observed to the Corinthian; "but as it was the 
 intention of Jerry not to neglect visiting any place that might 
 afford him information during his stay in London, he had been 
 induced to make the proposition to Hawthorn ; yet, he was 
 free to confess, it was more especially on his own account, as 
 he was compelled to attend, and companions would, therefore, 
 prove very agreeable to his feelings upon such a melancholy 
 occasion." " We will accompany you. Bob," repHed Tom and 
 Jerry. 
 
 The Plate represents the Morning of Execution, and the 
 malefactors having their irons knocked off previous to their 
 ascending the fatal platform that launches them into eternity. 
 The Yeoman of the Halter is in waiting to put the ropes about 
 them. The Clergyman is also seen administering consolation 
 to these unfortunate persons in such an awful moment j and 
 the Sheriffs are likewise in attendance to conduct the culprits 
 to the place of execution, to perform the most painful part of 
 their duty, in witnessing the offended laws of their country put 
 in force. It is a truly afflicting scene ; and neither the pen nor 
 the PENCIL, however directed by talent, can do it adequate 
 justice, or convey a description of the " harrowed feelings" of 
 the few spectators that are admitted into the Condemned Yard 
 upon such an occasion. The tolling of the bell, too, which 
 breaks in upon the very soul of the already agonized male- 
 factor, announcing to him that he has but a few minutes to 
 live, adds a terrific solemnity to the proceedings : — 
 
 Hear it not, Duncan, for 'tis a knell 
 That summons thee to heav'n or to hell. 
 
 The Condemned Yard is long, but narrow, and contains a 
 great number of cells, one above another, forming three 
 
3 1 6 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 stories in height. Each cell measures nine feet in length, 
 and six in width. Every indulgence is allowed to those 
 prisoners immediately the " deatlir-warrant" arrives at New- 
 gate, ordering them to prepare for execution. They are then 
 allowed to remain in the Large Eoom (which the Plate 
 represents), in order that the Clergyman may attend upon 
 them as often as they desire it, and who, generally, previous 
 to the morning on which they are to suffer, sits up praying 
 with them the whole of the night. It is really astonishing, 
 upon most of these occasions, to witness the resignation and 
 fortitude with which these unhappy men conduct themselves : 
 many of the most hardened and desperate offenders, from the 
 kindness, attention, and soothing conduct of the Rev. Mr 
 Cotton, who is indefatigable in administering consolation to 
 their troubled minds, have become the most sincere penitents ; 
 nay more, several prisoners, who have received a, free pardon 
 after having been ordered for execution, have since publicly 
 declared that they should never again bo in such a fit state 
 to meet eternity. The criminal on the left side of the Plate, 
 lifting up his hands in the attitude of prayer with the Clergy- 
 man, was once a character of considerable note at the West 
 End of the Town, and from his vivacity, then designated 
 " Lively Jem ! " He soon ran through a fine fortune ; and, to 
 keep up his extravagances, he plunged into those destructive 
 habits which ultimately brought him into this ignominious 
 situation. Lively Jem, like most others, saw his error too 
 late to repair it. He had not strength of mind sufficient to 
 bear with the reverses of fortune ; to fall from splendour to 
 poverty was too much for his feelings ; and, to avoid the jests 
 and sneers of his once dashing acquaintance, under the appel- 
 lation of " poor fellow / " and being excluded from their com- 
 pany, he thus violently terminated his thoughtless career. 
 Jem had been at college with the Oxonian, and as his last 
 
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TOM &= yERRY ON THEIR P's &■ Q*s AT ALMACK'S. 3J7 
 
 request, he had sent a message to Logic to attend upon him 
 on this mournful occasion, in order to be the bearer of some 
 important circumstances respecting himself to a female, to 
 whom he had been very much attached, and who had also 
 never been absent from him except this fatal morning. Logic 
 was too much of a man to neglect another in the hour of mis- 
 fortune ; and it was to fulfil the request of a dying unfortunate 
 acquaintance, that he came, accompanied by Cokinthian 
 Tom and Jerry, to the condemned Yard of Newgate. 
 
 Our heroes were offered a Complete view of the prison from 
 the top of it ; but this offer was declined, in consequence of 
 Tom's urging the want of time, on account of having some 
 business to transact in the City. The trio hastily quitted 
 the gloomy falls of Newgate, once more to join the busy hum 
 and life of society. 
 
 On approaching the EOYAL Exchange, Tom observed to 
 Jerry, that they would just look in, and he would point out 
 to him a few of the primest features of Life in London. 
 " My dear Coz," said the Corinthian, "you are surrounded 
 by dmracters highly worthy of your observation. Volumes 
 would not contain half their talents ; and to their honour be 
 it recorded, the greatest part of them have been the architects 
 of their own fortune. Believe me. Jerry, such a group of 
 Merchants is not to be met with under the canopy of heaven : 
 possessing never-tiring industry, and indefatigable to the end 
 of the chapter, they may challenge all Europe for a comparison, 
 and I will back them two to one ; indeed, they have astonished 
 all the world. The name of an English Merchant is a pass- 
 port in any country. The second gentleman you perceive, 
 dressed in black,i from the statue, is a sufficient instance of 
 
 ■" Mr RoTHSciiiLri, see pnge 109. 
 
3 18 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 what may be accomplislied by an industrious clever man 
 in England. 
 
 The Corinthian proposed to Jerry and Logic, in order to 
 finish the day, to dine with a friend of his, a sporting man, 
 whose residence was contiguous to the Tower, and from 
 whom he had received numerous pressing invitations ; who 
 had also promised to show him a " bit of Life " at the East 
 End of the Town, whenever it might suit his convenience to 
 give his friend a call ; and we are sure of a most hearty and 
 welcome reception. "An excellent proposition," exclaimed 
 Jerry, "and I shall stcmA it, my Coz." "It has passed, 
 nem. con." said the Oxonian, cutting one of Joey Munden's 
 prime comical mugs, and also endeavouring to imitate Kean 
 — " To the Tower — to the Tower 1 " But, rather singular to 
 state, this theatrical flourish had scarcely escaped from the 
 lips of Logic, when Tom recognised his friend among the 
 group of merchants. After a hearty shake of the hand, and 
 the introduction of Jerry and Logic had been performed, the 
 party soon left the Eoyal Exchange to partake of an excellent 
 dinner and a glass or two of some fine old wines that would 
 have done credit to the cellar of a duke. The bottle, among 
 these gay fellows, was not suffered to stand stiU, and the 
 tastings of the different highly-flavoured vintages, made the 
 party become a little talkative and fit for anything. "You 
 promised me, if you recollect," said ToM to his friend, " that 
 you would show me a bit of fun at this end of the Town ; and 
 we cannot have a better opportunity than the present moment.'' 
 " It shall be so," replied the gentleman, smiling ; " and as you 
 have your 'Highflyers' at Almack's, at the West End, we 
 have also some * choice creatures ' at our ALL MAX ^ in the 
 
 ^ Vulgarly called gin in the merry days of Sir Jeffery Dunstan, the 
 renowned Mayor of Garratt, but now quite obsolete among gmttd persons ; 
 
TOM ^ JERRY ON THEIR P's &> Q's AT ALMACK'S. 319 
 
 East ; where you shall be in less than half an hour to judge 
 for yourself" " Bravo ! " said Logic, " a good pan and full of 
 spirit." "Let us be off," urged HAWTHORN. "Another 
 bottle, and then — " TOM's friend replied, "Ali^Max shall be 
 in view.'' 
 
 Such is the the theme that fires my strain, 
 O ! may the Muse not toil in vain ; 
 But all those pastimes now rehearse, 
 That well might claim more polish'd verse, 
 To which past fetes and those to come, 
 Are little better than a HUM ; 
 Since souls of taste could never choose 
 'Twixt Alexander's famous booze, 
 
 it is, however, still a very palatable subject with most parties. But, as 
 the tender JuLTET very properly observes. 
 
 What 's in a narrn f that wliich we call a rose 
 By any other name would smell as sweet : 
 
 and so it is with this spirited article. The iUgantes, in the vicinity of 
 Kegent Street, can take a silver thimblefull of it (only in private), under 
 the pleasing sound of w?dte wine, without a im'y twitch spoiling the shape 
 of their pretty indexes, but who might be almost induced to faint or have 
 a laclc-a-daisy moment, if asked to take a cordial under the horrid appel- 
 lation of GIN : while Meq of the " hack slums " don't care a fig who knows 
 she loves a drap of max ; or as how, d'ye see, that she vdi t'other eye ; as 
 Meq says, it will be all the same one hundred years hence ! 
 
 But who's to decide when doctors disagree 7 
 
 Yet the opinions of such great compounders as Hodges and Deadt, united 
 with those Jmsy pinners, Thompson and Lancaster to wit, are completely 
 orthodox, and who hint that the many new reels performed in the most 
 lively manner by novices in the art of dancing, from this moving com- 
 modity, and who iar nothing at their cribs, would beat De Hayes and 
 D'Egville to a standstill, with all their superlative knowledge of pirouette 
 motions, either to describe or give such steps a name. Such is the 
 hypocrisy displayed on the one side, and the saucy low independence 
 exhibited on the other, which are to be run against every day in " Liek 
 IN London ! " 
 
320 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Or Cleopatra's vaunted yan, 
 When she Mark Anthony had done ; 
 In short, all these are rows but windi/, 
 Compar'd with a tar's glorious shindy : 
 For after all is said and done, 
 Fighting 's to Jack the same as fun ; 
 His mind on frenzy somewhat borders 
 For row, thus under sailing orders ; 
 While ev'ry messmate, mad as he. 
 Sings out for pleasures of a spree. 
 Anew the theme is here repeated, 
 Tars must have grog, and girls be treated ; 
 Jack, Moll, and Bet, well know the shop. 
 The cry, once more, "a hop ! a hop ! " 
 While the elbow-scraper, grown groggy. 
 Tunes fiddle up, with senses foggy ; 
 In fine, do any thing but play, 
 Riot the order of the day. 
 
 All-Max was compared by the sailors, something after 
 the old adage of " any port in a storm." It required no 
 patronage; — a card of admission was not necessary; — no 
 inquiries were made ; — and every cove that put in his appear- 
 ance was quite welcome ; colour or country considered no 
 obstacle ; and dress and address completely out of the question. 
 Ceremonies were not in use, and, therefore, no struggle took 
 place at All-Max for the master of them. The parties paired 
 off according to fancy ; the eye was pleased in the choice, and 
 nothing thought of about birth, and distinction. AU was 
 happiness,''- — every body free and easy, and freedom of expression 
 
 ' " It is," said Logic to Tom, " I am quite satisfied in my mind, the 
 LowEE Orders of society who really enjot themselves. They eat with 
 a good appetite, hunger being the sauce ; they drink with a zest, in being 
 tldrsty from their exertions, and not nice in their beverage ; and as to dress, 
 it is not an object of serious consideration with them. Their minds are 
 daily occupied with work, which they quit with the intention of enjoying 
 
TOM 6- yERRY ON THEIR P's &= Q's AT ALAfACK'S. 321 
 
 allowed to the very echo . The group motley indeed ; — Las- 
 cars, blacks, jack tars, coal-heavers, dustmen, women of colour 
 old and young, and a sprinkling of the remnants of once fine 
 girls, &c., were all jigging together, provided the teazer of the 
 catgut was not Hiked of his duce. Gloves might have been 
 laughed at, as dirty hands produced no squeamishness on the 
 heroines in the dance, and the scene changed as often as a 
 pantomime, from the continual introduction of new characters. 
 Heavy wet was the cooling beverage, but frequently overtaken 
 hj flashes of lightning. The covey was no scholard, as he asserted, 
 and, therefore, he held the pot in one hand and took the blunt 
 with the other, to prevent the trouble of chalking, or making 
 mistakes. Cocker's arithmetic in his bar was a dead letter, and 
 the publican's ledger only waste paper ; hook-lceeping did not belong 
 to his consarn ; yet no one could re-ad his customers better than 
 Mr Mace} The attention he displayed towards any of his 
 party ; when Mx Lushington had got the " best of them," showed 
 his judgment; he had a butt of heavy wet prepared for the 
 occasion, and also a cask of liquor, which gave considerable 
 proofs of his kindness, that his articles should not be too 
 strong for their already-damaged heads. His motto was "never 
 to give a chance away ; " and Mr Mace had long been christened 
 by the downies, the " dashing covey." He was " cut out " for his 
 
 themselves, and enjoyment is the result ; not like the rich, who are out 
 night after night to kill time, and, what is worse, dissatisfied with almost 
 everything that crosses their path from the dulness of repetition." 
 " There is too much truth about your argument, I must admit," replied 
 the Corinthian; "and among all the scenes that we have witnessed 
 together, where the Lower Orders have been taking their pleasure, I 
 confess they have ajipeared all happiness. I am sorry I cannot say as 
 much for the higher ranks of society." 
 
 1 It is rather a curious coincidence, that the name of the proprietor 
 of All-Mai should be Mace, which is a slang term for imposition or 
 roibery I 
 
 X 
 
322 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 company ; and lie could " come it will" upon all points. On 
 the sudden appearance of our " swdl TKio," and the Corin- 
 thian's friend, among these unsophisticated sons and daughters 
 of Nature, their ogUs were on the roll, under an apprehension 
 that the leaks were out on the rwse ; but it was soon made " all 
 right," by one of the mollishers whispering, loud enough to be 
 heard by most of the party, " that she understood as hovi the 
 gemmen had only dropped in for to have a lit of a spree, and 
 there was no doubt they voud stand a drap of summut to make 
 them all cumfuralle, and likewise prove good customers to themJ." 
 On the office being giving, the stand-still was instantly removed; 
 and the hidwys andA«(f&55«swere footingthe doulle shuffle against 
 each other with as much gig as the " We we-e-e-e-ps "exert them- 
 selves on the fii-st of May. The Cokinthian smiled to 
 himself, as his eyes glanced round the room at the cJiaracters, 
 and observed to Logic, in a low tone of voice, '■ that it was 
 quite a new scene to him, notwithstanding all his previous 
 rambles throughout the Metropolis, but so exceedingly rich, 
 that he would not have missed it for a hundred pounds." As 
 to Jerry, the Golden Koom at Carlton Palace, with all its 
 talismanic touches, did not appear to have had more effect 
 upon his feelings, when he entered it, than the group of figures, 
 " all alive O ! " at All-Max seemed now to operate upon his 
 mind. Logic, who was considered an out and outer, for con- 
 tinually scouring the lack-slums, both in town and country 
 in search of something new, admitted the scene before him 
 was one of the greatest novelties that he had ever witnessed 
 in low Ufe ; and although the Oxonian was rather forward on 
 the losky suit, " It is," said he, tapping Jerry on the back 
 " one of the invaluable mines of Nature : her stores are inex- 
 haustible. What a fine subject would a sentimental stroU 
 through London have afi'orded the pen of a Sterne ! " Logic's 
 old complaint, the hiccough, was creeping fast upon him ; and 
 
TOM 6^ JERRY ON THEIR P's & Q's AT ALMACK'S. 323 
 
 after tossing off a glass of max, making up his comical face, in 
 drinking tlie health of Black Moll, — " Jerry, my boy, 
 
 " Eye NATnEE's walks, shoot folly as it flies, 
 And catch the manners living as they rise : 
 TiRTUOns and vicious ev'ry man must be ; 
 Few in the extreme, but all in the degree : 
 The ROGUE and FOOL hyjits are fair and wise, 
 And e'en the best, by fits, what they despise. 
 Know Nature's children shall divide her care. 
 The fur that warms a Monarch warm'd a bear ! " 
 
 The orders of the Corinthian had been obeyed like winking 
 by the knowing Mr Mace; and the "fair ones" had, without 
 hesitation, vetted both eyes with a drap of the right sort, and 
 many of them had, likewise, proved jolly enough to have tossed 
 off a third and a fourth glass. Lots of max were also placed 
 on the table, and the coveys were not shj or behind-hand in 
 helping themselves. The spree and the fun were increasing 
 every minute, and the " TRIO " made the most of it, with as 
 much pleasure and satisfaction as the lowest mud-lark amongst 
 the group. LoGiC (as the Plate represents), appeared as happy 
 as a sand-hoy, who had unexpectedly met with good luck in 
 disposing of his hampers full of the above household com- 
 modity in a short time, which had given him a holiday, and 
 was listening to the jargon of Black Sail, who was seated on 
 his right knee, and very liberally treating the Oxonian with 
 repeated chaste salutes ; whilst Flashy Nance (who had gawr- 
 Tnoned more seamen out of their vills and power than the 
 ingenuity or palaver of twenty of the most knowing of the 
 frail sisterhood could effect), was occupying Logic's left knee, 
 with her arm round his neck, laughing at the chaffing of the 
 " lady in Hack," as she termed her, and also trying to engage 
 the attention of Logic, who had just desired Haavthorn to 
 
324 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 behold the "Fields of Temptation" by which he was surrounded, 
 and chanting, like a second Macheath : 
 
 How happy could I be with either. 
 
 Were t' other dear charmer away ; 
 But while you both mug me together, 
 
 You '11 make me a spooney {Hiccoughing), I say. 
 
 Jerry, whose time had been employed in waiting upon the 
 heroines generally, is seen ginning the fiddler, in order that the 
 " harmony " might not cease for a single instant ; but the black 
 slavey, who is entering the room, is singing out, " Massa, you 
 ought to be shamed; your fiddle is drunk ; you no play at all! " 
 Tom inquired of the covess of the hen (who, by-the-by, was 
 quite pleased with the Corinthian, from the very liberal 
 manner in which he had dropped his hlunt at her house), the 
 names of the dancers, of whom he had observed that — 
 
 Sure such a pair were never seen ! 
 
 " Vy, Sir," replied Mrs Mace, " that are black voman, who you 
 sees dancing with nasty Bob, the coal-vhipjper, is called African 
 Sail, because she comes from foreign parts; and the little mungo 
 in the corner, holding his arms out, is her child ; yet I doesn't 
 think as Iww, for all that, Sall has got any husband : but, la ! 
 sir, it's a poor heart that never rejoices, arCt it, sir?" Our 
 heroes had kept it up so gaily in dancing, drinking, &c., that 
 the friend of the Corinthian thought it was time to be 
 missing : but, on mustering the trio. Logic was not to be 
 found. A jack tar, about three sheets in the ivind, who had been 
 keeping up the shindy the whole of the evening with them, 
 laughing, asked if it was the gentleman in the green barnacles 
 their honours wanted, as it was very likely he had taken a 
 voyage to Africa, in the Sally, or else he was out on a cruise 
 •with the Flashy Nance ; but he would have him beware of 
 squalls, as they were not very sound in their rigging ! It was 
 
TOM &- JERRY ON THEIR P's &- Q's AT ALMACX'S. 325 
 
 considered useless to look after Logic, and a rattler was im- 
 mediately ordered to the door ; when Jerry, Tom, and his 
 friend, bid adieu to All-Max. Our heroes only stopped to 
 put down the friend of ToM, near the Tower, till they arrived 
 safely at Corinthian-Hov^e. 
 
 The clock had announced three before ToM and his 
 Coz. were able to lift their damaged heads from, the 
 pillow, and meet together, at breakfast, in the Chaffing Crib ; 
 but no Logic had arrived, as heretofore, to pop his comic mug 
 in at the door, with his usual friendly salutation of " How are 
 you, my boys, after the larJc ? " Two large cups of tea were 
 necessary to cool and moisten Jerry's chaffer, which the MAX 
 had made feel like a piece of dry wood in his mouth, before he 
 could articulate to the CoRiNTHiAN that he was almost afraid 
 he should never have got the use of his tongue again ; and, 
 bursting out into a laugh, said, " We had rare fun last night ; 
 so much so, that it almost seems to me like a vision. I hope 
 the Oxonian is safe ! " " We had rare fun, indeed," replied 
 Tom ; " but Logic seems determined to push his voyage of 
 discovery a point further, at least, than we did. I am sorry 
 Bob is not here, as I recollect it is the night at Almacks, 
 and he would have proved an excellent finger-post to you on 
 this occasion : we must, therefore, get ourselves to rights as 
 soon as possible. This will also be a rich treat to you, Jerry ; 
 and the contrast will be delightful ; more especially, as the 
 time is so short that we shall pass from All-Max in the East 
 to ALMACKS in the West almost like the rapid succession of 
 scenes in a play, which will tend highly to increase the effect, 
 and likewise afford a good opportunity for observation. But I 
 must impress upon you, my dear Coz. that what with the time 
 occupied with dinner, dressing, &c., we have not a minute to 
 lose : — 
 
326 LIFE m LONDON. 
 
 " What sounds were those? — 0, earth and heaven ! 
 Heard you the chimes — lialf-past eleven ? 
 They tell, with iron tongue, your fate, 
 Unhappy lingerer, if you're late. 
 Such is the rule, which none infringes ; 
 The door one jot upon its hinges 
 Moves not. Once past the fatal hour, 
 Willis has no dispensing power. 
 Spite of persuasion, tears, or force, 
 ' The LAW,' he cries, ' must take its course,' 
 And men may sxixar, and women pout, 
 No matter,— they are ALL SHUT OUT." 
 
 "lam surprised," said Jerry, "tliat the laAj patronesses 
 should he so mechanical in their movements : it is positively 
 reducing the importance of a duchess to the parallel of a char- 
 woman, to keep to ' Iier time /' It is quite enough for the 
 manager of a theatre to compel his performers to commence 
 the play at a precise hour ; but for the higher classes of society 
 to he pinned down to a second, it is really too bad ; — ^beings that 
 ought to be as free as air. It must have been a novelty indeed 
 when this revolution was first attempted in the regions of 
 fashion. It surely produced a roz'.; .? " Yes," replied ToM- "it 
 rather created some feverish symptoms amongst the great folks, 
 such as wounded pride, &c. : but that is not all ; that is not 
 the worst of it : — 
 
 " Suppose the PWZE, by hundreds miss'd. 
 Is your 's at last. — You're on the list. — 
 Your voucher 's issued, duly signed ; 
 But hold, — ^your ticJ:et 's left behind. 
 What 's to be done ? there 's no admission : 
 In vain you flatter, scold, petition. 
 Feel your blood mounting like a rocket, 
 Fumble in vain in every pocket ; 
 ' The rule is strict, I dare not stretch it,' 
 Cries Willis ; ' pray, my Lord, go fetch it.' 
 
TOM &= JERRY ON THEIR FJs &= Q's AT ALMACK'S. 327 
 
 ' Friend, I 'm the Ministry, — give way ! ' 
 Avaunt, Lord Viscount Castlereagh ! 
 You 're doubtless, in the Commona' House 
 A mighty man, but here a mouse I 
 We show no favour, give no quarter. 
 Here, to your riband or your garter. 
 Jlere for a Congress no one cares, 
 Save that alone which sits up stairs. 
 
 " Fair Worcester pleads with Wellington ; 
 Valour with beauty. ' Hence, begone ! 
 Perform elsewhere your destin'd parts, 
 One conquer kingdoms, t' other hearts. 
 My Lord, you '11 have enough to do ; 
 ALMACKS is not like Waterloo.' 
 For the first time in vain, his Grace 
 Sits do^vu in form before the place ; 
 Finds, let him shake it to the centre, 
 ONE fortress that he cannot enter. 
 Though he should offer on its borders 
 The sacrifice of half his orders. 
 
 " Thus our fair sovereigns 'rule the ball ! ' 
 Thus equal are their laws for all. 
 
 Therefore, my dear Coz. I need not impress upon you the 
 necessity of being particular about your ticket. Do not forget 
 to put it in your pocket. Willis is a different man altogether 
 from Mr Mace ; he is not to be gammoned with a slug. We 
 must also mind our P's and Q's at ALMACKS ; more especially 
 as we have been so free and easy lately among the/as7i part of 
 mankind, or otherwise we shall be in danger of letting the 
 blackguard peep. It is, believe me, like treading upon classic 
 ground: at every step you take, the ARTS^ not only stare you 
 
 ^ This appears something like a pun, but we do not believe the CoE- 
 INIHIAN intended it as such : it was the /arte of Looic; but Tom was more 
 serious in his remarks. 
 
328 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 full in the face, but, on turning round, you are sure to come in 
 contact with the SCIENCES. It is the rallying point of rank, 
 wealth, talents, and beauty: it is, likewise, the meridian of 
 fashion, style, elegance, and manners, from the alpha, to the 
 omega. 
 
 " Oh ! could you now but creep, 
 
 Incog, into the room, and peep. 
 
 " that I dared, since hearts o£ iron 
 Melt at the strains of Mookk and Byron, 
 Borrow their thoughts and language now 
 To paint our Almacks' BELLES ! for how, 
 Unless their muse my fancy warms, 
 Describe such features and such forms : 
 The hair in auburn waves, or flaxen. 
 Shading their necks and shoulders waxen ; 
 The curls that on fair bosoms lie 
 In clusters of deep ebony ! 
 How dare to dwell ('tis so immoral) 
 On downy cheeks and lips of coral. 
 On eyes of sapphire or of jet, 
 Beneath their brows, o'er-arching, set 
 (Eyes which, no matter what their hue. 
 Are sure to heat you — black and blue), 
 Or shapes, as if by scnLPTURE moulded, 
 In shining drapery enfolded ! 
 
 " To give their graceful motions scope, 
 Now, tightly stretched, the barrier rope 
 Hems in quadrillers, nymph and spark, 
 Like bounding deer within a park ; 
 Now dropped, transforms the floor again, 
 For waltzers, to an open plain. 
 Approach, votary of Hymen ! 
 Be thou of forward or of shy men. 
 Approach, and at the luck rejoice 
 Which yields such beauty to your choice. 
 
 The very air you inhale at ALMACKS is different from 
 
TOM &- JERRY ON THEIR P's &■ Q's AT ALMACK'S. 329 
 
 the plebeian atmosphere, being scented with the evapora- 
 tion of the essences and richest perfumes from all quarters 
 of the globe." " A little different, I hope, from the Jacco 
 Maccacco concern," observed Jerry, smiling. " Yes ; a sliade 
 or two,'' said TOM. " But to obtain a footing at this splendid 
 assembly might almost be considered as a ste]) towards being 
 presented at court, ROYALTY condescending to become visitors 
 at ALMACK'S. An introduction to this climax of Rank is of 
 the utmost consequence to enterprising men, operating as an 
 important PASSPORT to every other place of high breeding in 
 the kingdom ; and it also prevents the trouble of a thousand 
 inquiries respecting the pedigree of the individual in question, 
 when he boldly makes known the laconic but pithy expression 
 of—' I HAVE PASSED the SCRUTINY at ALMACK'S ! ! ! ' 1 
 Indeed, if it were possible to call to your aid the waters of 
 Lethe, to cleanse your pericranium of all ideas of ' the slang ' 
 for a night, upon entering those regions of refinement, or if it 
 were only to obtain a few drops to pour over your tongue, to 
 bury iu oblivion all thoughts of vulgarity and coarseness of 
 disposition, it would be highly advantageous towards your 
 attraction. However, it is highly essential to invoke the apo- 
 theosis of Chesterfield to hover over you with his polished scale 
 oi superior politeness; but, above all, do not fail to call to 
 your assistance the shades of Hervey, Addison, and Milton, 
 to ornament your style of conversation with a few of their 
 irresistible touches of the Jloioery, ELEGANT, and SUBLIME, in 
 order to encounter with any degree of success the imperious 
 Duchess — the jn-oud Marchioness — the stiff Countess — the 
 
 ^ Something like the stamp of goodness (if comparisons are not viewed 
 as a profanation of this high subject), made use of by the jockeys at New- 
 market, when they say " Smolensko won the Derby." It is a multum in 
 parvo touch upon the understanding ; and more convincing perhaps than 
 the perusal of volumes. 
 
33° LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 starcTied-up Lady — the consequential honourable FAIR One — 
 the upstart Mrs — the mntempiuous Beauty — the pert Co- 
 QTJETTE — the turrir-up-nose Demure Creature — the squeamish 
 Miss, and the fastidious i Patronesses, that parade up and 
 down here, as the arbitresses of fame and fortune. To become 
 a hero in this looking-glass sort of life, my dear Jerry, you 
 ought to be as much made-up as the measured statue of the 
 Fenus de Medicis. To walk like John Kemble in Coriolanus 
 — to make a bow after the graceful manner of George the 
 Fourth — to take Moccabaw, and show your diamond ring 
 (so as not to appear to do it), Uke Dr Please'em. To sport 
 a toe after the agility of a Vestris — to lead your partner to join 
 the dance with the confidence of an Elliston in the Honey- 
 Moon — to cock your glass, like any impudent fellow you know, 
 and to stare, stare, and stare again ; and to flatter, congie, and 
 hum these elevated dames, like a quack doctor ! Yet, even 
 then, with all this load of accomplishments, you ■will stand in 
 great danger of being cut-up into slices, and handed round for 
 the taste of the company. My dear Coz., as a stranger, you 
 
 1 Excessive refinement ; the nicety of splitting a hair into a thousand 
 threads. One of the subscribers, a lady who was rather dim in her 
 sparklers, also a little touched in her vppcr-ioorTcs, a complete hack at all 
 the places of fashionable amusement, and jaded almost to death with the 
 luxuries of this life, was, one evening, on the sly, taking a feio winks, 
 when she was suddenly brought to herself, in consequence of a large fly 
 having alighted on her pale and wan index. In the confusion of the 
 moment, she demanded to know, in an imperative tone, what rude being 
 had taken such an outrageous liberty with her person? "My dear 
 madam," said an elegant witty female near her, "you are quite mistaken ; 
 it was a large blue bottle." " Well, hlue iottle or not," replied ihefastidiotis 
 lady, pettishly, " Willis ought to be fined for letting a blue bottle in with- 
 out a ticket. I am sure, the admission of blue bottles must have been 
 resisted by the lady patronesses ; but, if not, I shall make it a special 
 matter of debate at the next meeting of the Committee." 
 
TOM &= JERRY ON THEIR P's &= Q's AT ALMACK'S. 331 
 
 must undergo it ; I have run the gauntlet ; and I am, there- 
 fore, preparing you accordingly, as I was almost going to say 
 (laughing), to take ' the Veil : ' and if you can take the lady 
 with it — such a divinity as I will show you — then your visit to 
 ALMACK'S will be, at least, worth a jpZwm to you. But I 
 am, perhaps, proceeding too fast, Jerry 1 Your old dad, I 
 now recollect, gave me to understand, that, whenever you 
 become serious to take a partner for life, he wished the lady to 
 be the lovely Mary Rosebud of Haiothorn Village : however, 
 be that as it may — 
 
 " Ere you try your fortune, lend 
 An ear to good advice, my friend : 
 They deem no folly half so great 
 As LOVE, without a LARGE estate ; 
 Do what you will, say what you can, 
 ' MANORS,' they tell you, ' make the man ! ' " 
 
 " You will mix, my dear Coz., -with numerous great folks, 
 such as great Commanders, great Statesmen, great Courtiers, 
 and also with men possessing GREAT talents ; yet you will find 
 but few characters,''- in comparison with the inferior scenes of 
 
 1 "Perish the thought ! " Hear it not on the Corinthian Path J* — Tell 
 it not at Sam'Sj that CHARACTERS are not to be found in the Great 
 World/ It may, perhaps, be necessary, in point of explanation of Tom's 
 idea upon this subject, to state, that his allusion went to those persons 
 whose riches afforded them so much time and so many opportunities of 
 becoming correct in their movements ; and who had also obtained, in a 
 great measure, the mastery over their passions, by repeatedly asking them- 
 selves the following questions, whenever they doubted the propriety of 
 their previous conduct : — What sort of a man am I ? Did I behave like a 
 man of honour to the wife of my intimate friend ? Have I ever lost sight 
 of the conduct of a gentleman? Is there anything disagreeable in my 
 deportment towards my inferiors ? Do I keep my tradesmen too long out, 
 
 * Eegent Street. 
 
332 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 life ; at least, with very few persons who have an opportunity 
 of showing themselves in a prominent point of view at this 
 grand Emporium of Greatness. In the higher walks of 
 society, you cannot expect to meet with much originality of 
 CHARACTER — the stimulus to provoke it is wanting — property 
 operates against it — and the great folks are principally trained 
 from their cradles to behave and act like ladies and gentlemen : 
 there is a scale for it, but ultimately it becomes a mere matter 
 of routine. A decorous deportment is instilled into them from 
 the moment they can lisp ; and notions of PROPRIETY are con- 
 tinually enforced upon their memories, by their anxious tutors, 
 till they get out of their leading-strings. If Burke had pos- 
 sessed a long purse, in all probability the 'Sublime and 
 Beautiful' might never have made its appearance; nor the 
 Duenna of Sheridan have ever enraptured the public. 
 ALMACK'S is, however, a splendid view of human nature, 
 set-off to the best advantage — with the best dress — best 
 address, and also finished with the best behaviour. Yet, 
 notwithstanding all this preparation of the mind, you will 
 sometimes perceive that RANK is even rankling to RANK, 
 although it is stifled by politeness. The ' Countess ' can 
 show her precedency for place, with the highest marks of 
 Jiauteur, over the 'Lady;' and the 'Duchess,' with a toss 
 of the head, can give the hint to the ' Marchioness ' that 
 .she takes the lead of her. But far be it from me, Jerry, 
 wantonly to satirise any of the classes of society, from the 
 highest to the lowest of mankind; as I am perfectly con- 
 vinced, in too many instances, that both of them have been 
 traduced and libelled, by numerous persons, who have had no 
 
 of their money ? Am I a flatterer ? &c. " If," said the Cobinthian, " any 
 gentleman can answer these questions satisfactorily, it may operate aa 
 some excuse for his being upon 'good ternia' with himself." 
 
TOM ^ JERRY ON THEIR I"s &- Q's AT ALMACK'S. 333 
 
 opportunity of judging of either of tliem but at tlie distance 
 of extreme perspective. Upon a more intimate acquaintance 
 witli the RICH, in spite of their follies and extravagances, you 
 will perceive that a vast majority of them possess very superior 
 traits of mind, and whose conduct alone adorn and elevate the 
 human breast ; while a real knowledge of the movements of thou- 
 sands of the middling classes of mankind, in their feelings and 
 dispositions towards alleviating the distresses of their poorer 
 fellow creatures, would make a most interesting volume to 
 those persons ignorant of ' Life in London.' " 
 
 Our heroes were now dressed for the assembly ; and the 
 elegance of Tom, and the fine manly frame of Jerry, almost 
 bid defiance to the grin ^ which they otherwise might have 
 encountered on making their bows at a place of such classic 
 nicety. " By Jove," said the Corinthian, " we are nearly too 
 late ; '' and, in consequence, he ordered his coachman to make 
 great haste for ALMACK'S. The whip of Tom's coachman 
 soon brought his master's chariot into the string of carriages, 
 which were so exceedingly numerous, that the Corinthian 
 again expressed his fears to Jerry they should be too late to 
 gain admission. 
 
 " I must once more remind you, my dear Coz," said Tom, 
 " that we must be on our P's and Q's ; and, if you should find 
 me tripping, as I by no means consider myself infallible, you 
 will gently bring me back to my recollection by merely saying 
 ' Lethe ; ' and, in turn, if necessary, I will perform the same 
 
 ^ A low dang term made use of in opposition to the stylish phrase of 
 Quiz. It is considered rather an unpleasant circumstance to persons 
 entering a splendid baU-room who are not accustomed to it. At all times 
 it should be executed in a graceful manner. 
 
334 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 kind office towards you." " I shall bear it in mind," replied 
 Hawthorn. 
 
 The grand object was at length accomplished, the clock 
 wanting five minutes of half-past eleven when ToM and his 
 Coz entered the Ball-Eoom at ALMACK'S : but, from the 
 splendid character of the company, which the CoRrNTHiAN 
 had previously given to Jerry, the latter felt more than a 
 little embarrassment on finding himself so suddenly in the 
 company of EoYALTY : also, mixing with Princes, Ministers of 
 State, and foreigners of distinction — coming hastily in contact 
 with Dukes and Duchesses — ^running against Marquises and 
 their hdtcr halves — passing Countesses, in rapid succession — 
 meeting with Right Honourable Ladies like fiowers in a 
 garden — jostling against lots of rich but flain Mistresses, and 
 surrounded by high and mighty Commanders — mobs of Earls 
 and Lords — Generals — Admirals — groups of Colonels and 
 Majors — hosts of Military and a few Naval Captains — batches 
 of Baronets — eminent Counsellors, — numerous Sirs, and 
 myriads of Misters. For a short period, Jerry was at a 
 complete stand-still; his P's and Q's he now found to be the 
 most difficult letters in the alphabet to become the master of; 
 and his eyes, penetrating as they were, seemed quite insufficient 
 to survey this brilliant assemblage with any degree of accuracy ; 
 in short. Hawthorn was so dazzled, that his hand had nearly 
 reached his head, to scratch it from the act of surprise, when 
 liis P's silently reminded him that it would be instantly noticed 
 as vulgar ; and he was almost lapsing into a reverie, from the 
 impression which this conglomeration of GREAT FOLKS had 
 made upon his feelings, when his Q's whispered into his ear to 
 assimie a confidence, and to recollect, that, although Jupiter 
 had profusely bestowed his showers of gold on this assemblage 
 of heroes and heroines, that they Avere nothing more than — 
 
TOM (Sf JERRY ON THEIR P's &= Q's AT ALMACK'S. 335 
 
 MEN and WOMEN. This " mind's eye " electrifying touch 
 quickly restored animation, and Jerry once more recollected 
 that he was at ALMACK'S. The old acquaintances of ToM 
 soon came around him, glad to welcome the CORINTHIAN 
 again, amongst them ; and Jerry had also the honour of 
 being recognised, with the most friendly nods, by several 
 ladies and gentlemen, to whom he had been previously intro- 
 duced by his Coz. This ray of simshine^ operated like a 
 reviving cordial to Jerry, and his confidence was so much 
 increasing, that he ventured to observe, but in a very low tone 
 of voice, that, " certainly, there was almost an immeasurable 
 distance, ' Ossa to a wart,' between the appearance of the 
 
 rooms, the music, and the women, at All-Max, and " 
 
 " Hush ! h-u-s-h ! " from the Corinthian, with a significant 
 look, accompanied with, " Lethe ! " Jerry, finding that his 
 sentinels the P's and Q's were absent from their posts, became 
 dumb again in an instant. 
 
 On joining the promenade and conversazione of so brilliant 
 an assemblage of nearly five hundred persons, it was impossible 
 for Jerry to remain long silent, in spite of the Corinthian's 
 well applied signal of " Lethe ! " " The exquisite leauty of 
 some of the female faces — the interesting features of others — 
 the diartiond eyes of many — the numerous lovely busts — com- 
 plexions so sweet as almost to defy competition — -pearly white 
 teeth, which rival the finest ivory — and the dresses altogether 
 so costly and elegant," exclaimed Jerry, " that I must be a 
 dummy indeed, if I could pass such sweet creatures without 
 
 ^ The nod from a great man, to many individuals, operates like new 
 life, and emboldens them to do many things they would otherwise shrink 
 from ; while, on the contrary, the "cut direct " comes with the severity of 
 a paralytic stroke on the feelings of the poor cutteel 
 
33(5 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 being in raptures with them. But can you inform me, my 
 dear Coz, who that fine tall lady is, something about the size 
 of Mrs Macs, and who is in conversation with a lovely girl 
 near the orchestra % " " Make no such comparisons here — 
 Lethe ! " whispered the Corinthian. " A palpable hit, I now 
 readily admit," replied Hawthorn ; " but, nevertheless, I am 
 rather anxious to learn her history, as the Oxonian informed me, 
 when we once passed her in the Park, that she was a most 
 interesting character. 
 
 " That lady," said ToM, " is a mine of wealth ; not merely 
 from the immense fortune she has at her command, but from 
 the invaluable qualifications she possesses as a wife and a 
 parent. She is one of those prominent females, in the direc- 
 tion of her estates and household, that you never hear of the 
 husband, except when he is called to dinner, or orders his 
 servant to light him to bed : yet he is no Jerry Sneak 
 either ; but, on the contrary, his rih married him for love, 
 bestowed her great fortune on him as the object of her choice, 
 honours his character, and she is particularly fond of his com- 
 pany. A fine family has been the issue of this marriage ; and 
 the divinity, I told you of, is one of her daughters, who stands 
 
 close to her. The Lady of does not, as it is vulgarly 
 
 termed, absolutely ' wear the breeches' although she ' rules the 
 roast ; ' yet she has no tyranny attached to her disposition. 
 She is a noble mistress to her servants, a perfect lady to her 
 tradespeople and dependants, an honourable acquaintance 
 with an enlarged mind, and her mansion, near the Eegent's 
 Park, to all her visitors, is a complete picture of magnificence, 
 heightened by hospitality. I have not the honour of knowing 
 her personally ; but she is a most amiable and clever woman : 
 and her notions of propriety, particularly what concerns her 
 own family, are of so excellent a description, that they might 
 
Tom 6^ JERRY ON THEIR P's 6- Q's AT ALMACK'S. 337 
 
 be quoted as an example to others. The Lady of is not 
 
 jyrecise either ; nor does it arise from rigid formality, or the 
 superficial kind of punctiliousness of a Chesterfield. No ; 
 Itsr AMBITION is of a higher cast than to leave, for the improve- 
 ment of society, a posthumous work on behaviour. The Lady 
 
 of has travelled through the regions of fashion with her 
 
 eyes open ; she has not been blinded by the follies of the great, 
 and she has also dared to think and act for herself Her 
 whole family have felt the advantages of her perception, their 
 happiness has been enlarged from it, and it is not disgraced 
 by anything puritanical or hypocritical. It is, as it appears 
 to be, a great one; and it is entirely owing to the exertions 
 
 of the Lady of , who has obtained for it — this CHARACTER. 
 
 These are her grand points. She is well aware that ' young 
 men ' will be young men ; and that, after arriving at a certain 
 age, anything like control or remonstrances made to them from 
 a parent on account of improper connexions, loose conduct, 
 and late hours, occasion domestic broils and quarrels ; and 
 the family to which they belong is not only thrown into con- 
 fusion, but too frequently rendered unhappy. Therefore, in 
 order to avoid these disgusting scenes occurring in her man- 
 sion, but more especially to prevent her daughters from having 
 any bad examples set before them in the persons of their rela- 
 tives, she has for her eldest son, who is an M.P. a little more than 
 of age, not only provided a separate establishment, but allows 
 him £4000 per annum. To a second son, nearly twenty years 
 old, she allows £2000 per annum, on the same liberal principles. 
 By which means, the brothers and sisters meet under her roof 
 like ladies and gentlemen. One more singularity the Lady of 
 
 possesses, is, that she never takes more than one daughter 
 
 ■\vith her at a time to assemblies, &c. You therefore perceive " 
 my dear Coz, " that she is armed at all points. Her daughters 
 are not only thought to be lovely in person, but amiable in dis- 
 
 Y 
 
338 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 position; and those individuals who may become their husbands 
 will find that, independent of all their other accomplishments, 
 they may, at least, be valued as sagar plums. Gentlemen of 
 moderate fortunes have no chance, whatever of obtaining the 
 
 title of son-in-law to the Lady of ; the vast splendour of 
 
 her style of living soon gives the hint to any aspiring hero, 
 that he must have parks of golden artillery before he can 
 ensure a conquest. The respectability of her house she is 
 determined to keep up. Her fortune, when she became the 
 
 Lady of , at an early age, was £60,000 per annum : and 
 
 from her own attention to it, she has increased its value con- 
 siderably, by not suffering herself to be made the dupe of 
 stewards, or kept in the dark by her solicitors. She is inde- 
 fatigable in daily looking into her accounts upon the subject, 
 and answering all letters of importance herself. In a word. 
 
 Jerky, the Lady of must be viewed as a phenomenon in 
 
 the Fashionable World." 
 
 " I am sorry Logic is not mth us," said Jerry. " I am 
 equ;illy so," replied the Corinthian ; " more particularly on 
 your account, as Bob would have furnished you with plenty of 
 ANECDOTES of several of the great polks present that I am 
 not acquainted with. But the Oxonian does not like etiquette. 
 He is too fond of fun : ho could not have carried on any lark 
 here ; and, in all probability, he would have declined accom- 
 panjdng us. You must have observed with what glee he 
 enjoyed the lively jig between the Coal-Whippcr and the 
 
 African Lady, at All-Max ; besides " " Lethe ! Lethe ! 
 
 Lethe ! " cried Jerry, hastily. " I bow with submission," 
 said Toji; " and you must now perceive the value of a monitor 
 at your elbow, my Coz." " I do, indeed," replied Hawthorn, 
 " and I sincerely acknowledge how deeply I am indebted to 
 yoiu' kindness for the pains and trouble you have taken with 
 
TOM 6- JERRY ON THEIR P's &- Q's AT ALATACK'S. 339 
 
 me, since my arrival in tlie Metropolis, to obtain a complete 
 view of ' Life in London.' " 
 
 The more Hawthorn mixed with the splendid groups of 
 promenaders, the more he attended to their conversation, 
 although at times it appeared to him as if they did not 
 hesitate to hespatter a few of their most intimate acquaintance 
 with some little satiric touches on the defects of each other ; 
 not altogether unlike the vein of irony displayed in the "School 
 far Scandal " in cutting a public beauty piece-meal, till, in idea, 
 she becomes completely deformed and ugly: also, in witnessing 
 the sang froid displayed by the heroes in losing their money 
 at the card-tables, out of compliment, as it were, to their fair 
 antagonists ; and in eagerly swallowing the bonnes bouches and 
 piquant sauce, served up in rich style by the ladies of quality, to 
 enliven the play, as well as garnishing the TAJ3LE with some 
 highly interesting ANECDOTES ^ of the GREAT WORLD. 
 
 ^ The folio-wing circumstance is a fine specinieu of tlie " high mind " 
 possessed by a Lady of Quality, notwithstanding her great penchant for 
 gambling. The beautiful Mrs C. a few years since, at one sitting, won, 
 of a Sporting Baronet, £5000 ; but, previous to the latter gentleman 
 quitting England, which he was compelled to leave rather unexpectedly, 
 meeting with the most distinguished Political Orator of his day, he 
 begged it as a favour, that he would convey the above sum to Mrs G. It 
 was, however, unfortunately lost the same evening at a gambling-house. 
 In little more than a twelvemonth afterwards, the Baronet returned to 
 England ; and having accidentally mot with Mrs C. in a fashionable party, 
 she politely gave him a hint, that there was a small sum between them. 
 
 "Oh," said the Baronet, "I paid it for you to ." Mrs C, with 
 
 a smile, and generosity of disposition unequalled, replied, " Yes, yes, 
 
 Sir , 1 now recollect it ; but amongst my numerous engagements 
 
 it had slipped my memory, and I am sorry I mentioned it." The great 
 character alluded to, was, by this high-spirited female, thus saved from 
 reproach ; and it is said, that that great orator had, iu the course of his 
 life, won and lost nearly a MiLtioif of money I 
 
340 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 The taste and elegance, in general, displayed by the dancers, 
 likewise, claimed the peculiar attention of Jerry : so much so, 
 indeed, that he observed to his Coz, " he felt forcibly con- 
 vinced of the advantages that must result to a person pos- 
 sessing anything like a mind in being admitted to the 
 company of well-bred persons." " Yes, my dear friend," 
 replied the Corinthian, " your observations are perfectly 
 correct, if a person can select the wheat from the chaff! 
 But the immediate pursuits of too many young men, I am 
 sorry to say, are only to mix vrith GAIETY — hunt con- 
 tinually after pleasure — aim at the style — follow the 
 FASHION — copy the follies — and launch into the ex- 
 travagances attendant upon High Life.i IMPROVE- 
 
 ' A most melancholy instance offers itself, and more might be quoted, 
 to depict the consequences resulting from too great an attachment to liigh 
 company, on the entrance of a young man into Life in London. A more 
 afflicting case never excited pity than the late unfortunate Henrt Weston, 
 which occurred a few years since. He was a young man of great acquire- 
 ments and elegant person ; to which might be added, an amiable and 
 generous disposition, that had endeared him to a most numerous and 
 elegant circle of friends, with a sincerity rarely to be met with. At an 
 early period of his life, young Weston was introduced to the Bank 
 Directors of England, under the most flattering recommendations, and a 
 situation of unbounded trust was committed to his care, with the allow- 
 ance of a great salary. But he commenced a gentleman too soon ; and 
 one species of dissipation brought on another, that no great length of 
 time elapsed before the gambling-houses at the west end of the town 
 became the principal scene of his operations. It is true that he began with 
 trifling bets, but he rapidly increased them to such enormous sums as to 
 astonish the most affluent and spirited adepts ! His connexion with the 
 Bank was no secret, and his importance at the tables so high, that it be- 
 came a common phrase at the west end of the town, '' Abraham Newlakd 
 against the field 1 " His word was good to any amount, and he soon proved 
 to the frequenters of the tables a rich customer indeed. It can be a matter 
 of no surprise to assert that youug Wesion was a great loser. Losa 
 
TOM &' JERRY ON THEIR P's cy Q's A'J ALMACK'S. 341 
 
 MENT is not their object — it never entered their Pieads. To 
 seek after tlie virtues, the talents, the fine and real notions of 
 honour, which are prominently to be witnessed among the 
 upper circles of society, if traced in their proper sources, for 
 the sake of EXAMPLE, would be scouted as a downright hore ; 
 laughed at as a waste of time; and the person so employing 
 himself, satirised as one of the crying philosophers. My dear 
 Coz, I abominably hate cant ; I despise hypocrisy ; I detest 
 imposition in any shape; and I really am fond of Life in 
 London. I make no hesitation in avowing it. But it is only 
 in BALL-ROOMS that many persons think they possess an 
 
 succeeding loss, his real situation at length discovered itself to him ; but 
 disguise was at an end ; and he had gone too far, before he was completely 
 convinced of his error. It was then too late : it was irretrievable. 
 Defalcations to the most alarming amount appeared against him; and » 
 prosecution was commenced by the Bank. He was suddenly hurried from 
 the hot-bed of luxury and dissipation, to contemplate the horrors that 
 awaited him. The dreadful clanking of the chains of criminals like him- 
 self now only saluted his ear, encompassed, also, by the dreary walls of a 
 prison ; and, far more terrible than all the rest, the workings of a self- 
 upbraiding conscience ! The transition was so awful that it shook him to 
 his very soul. It was almost like a vision. His time, too, embittered by 
 a doubtful suspense, till he was pronounced oniLTY, at the bar of the Old 
 Bailey, and sentenced to death. His contrition was manly, and he 
 endeavoured to make all the restitution possible. His unhappy fate was 
 deplored by his prosecutors, and a powerful intercession was made by his 
 respectable relatives ; but all attempts to save his life proved fruitless — 
 stem Justice demanded her victim, and, in the presence of thousands of 
 persons, he expiated hia offence on the public scaffold. He thus suffered 
 in the prime of his youth ; the hopes of his family were crushed, and the 
 once interesting Hakrt Weston, the pride of his acquaintance, was 
 onli/ remembered to be disgraced ! So great were the sums of money 
 squandered and lost by this unthinking young man (considerably above 
 £100,000 !) that an application was made to the Lord Chief-Justice 
 Kenyon, as to the legality whereby they might be recovered, on pointing 
 out the houses in which they were lost. 
 
342 LIFE JN LONDON. 
 
 existence ; have animMion at an opera ; spirits in a THEATRE ; 
 and enjoy LITE only at a rout. IMITATION is too much 
 the order of the day ; and the greatest anxiety with most 
 individuals (the lovers and devotees to fashion), is to appear 
 what they are not ; to copy some stylish HERO for their model, 
 hut whose Aress at most they merely imitate, and which generally 
 fits them after the manner of a ' a -purser's shirt upon a hand- 
 spike ! ' " " Lethe ! dear Tom," said Hawthorn, laughing 
 at this vulgar, but characteristic pointed simile. " Another 
 hit, I confess, my Coz," replied the Corinthian ; perhaps the 
 ' ass in the lion's skin ' might have been better ; but I mean 
 that such soi-disant BLOODS only swim upon the surface ; and 
 after all their day and night experience, can only be pro- 
 nounced— SMATTEEERS. And" The remarks of Tom 
 
 were rather abruptly terminated by the Hon. DiCK Trifle, 
 who came skipping up on his toes to the Corinthian, offering 
 his hand, saying, "My dear f-a-e-1-l-o-w, you must excuse me, 
 but what can you have been preaching about so long to your 
 friend from the country ? The Marchioness of Diamonds 
 and myself have been nodding to you several times, and have 
 felt surprised that we should not have attracted your notice. 
 You positively have both appeared as if in reveries for the 
 last five minutes, and that you were lost to this enchanting 
 scene. Oh, it is positively shocking to sermonise, my dear 
 f-a-e-1-l-o-w, at ALMACK'S. If you continue to remain so 
 grave, I must really order you a. pulpit. You must come and 
 join us — we cannot do without you any ■ longer. See, the 
 Marchioness beckons us ! — How 's Bob 1 " " Be kind 
 enough to inform the Marchioness we shall do ourselves 
 the honour to attend upon her commands without delay,'' 
 answered ToM. Trifle skipped off, in the same frivolous 
 -iianner as he came to them, to join the company of the 
 Map.chioness. On his departure, Jerry (laughing with 
 
TOM &> JERRY ON THEIR P's a' Q' s AT ALMACK'S. 343 
 
 a sort of contempt), said, " He is the completest Dandy I 
 ever saw; I think LoGiG called him an Exquisite. He 
 appears to me to be neither a man nor a woman. Such a 
 thing would be of no use in Somersetshire ; and I imagine 
 of none either in the great or little world in the Metropolis, 
 except as a mark for ridicule to shoot at ! " " Stop," my 
 dear Jerry, said ToM, with a suppressed laugh ; " remember 
 Lethe ! " 
 
 The Corinthian and Jerry were soon in the presence of 
 the Marchioness, who received them in the most welcome 
 manner, and also congratulated HAWTHORN upon seeing him 
 at ALMACK'S ; at the same time introducing our heroes to 
 the two Misses Trifle, the cousins of the Exquisite. " We 
 can make up a party for a Quadrille," said the Marchioness 
 to the Corinthian, with a most gracious smile. " Certainly, 
 Madam," replied Tom ; " and if you will permit me to offer 
 my hand to the eldest Miss Trifle, and to recommend my 
 Coz as a partner for her sister, I shall consider it as a high 
 honour conferred upon us." It was immediately agreed to ; 
 and our heroes were enabled to join the dance without the 
 assistance of the explanatory card. The appearance of the 
 Marchioness was so brilliant, from her display of diamonds, 
 that Jerry was nearly in want of the word "Lethe," to call 
 off his attracted eyes to his lovely partner that stood before 
 him. The Hon. DiCK Trifle formed one of the Quadrille (as 
 the Plate represents), but his female cousins had nothing 
 trifling attached to them, excepting their name. Indeed, on 
 the contrary, they were superior girls, handsome in their per- 
 sons and interesting in their manners ; and Jerry felt quite 
 pleased that he had been so fortunate as to procure such an 
 agreeable lady for his partner. But the dance had scarcely 
 commenced, when Hawthorn perceived, among the pro- 
 
344 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 menaders, his "fair incognita'' at tlie Masquerade, Ladt 
 Wanton. The hitherto attractions of his partner were all 
 forgotten in an instant. He was on the frd, and almost deter- 
 mined to pursue her ; so strongly did he feel the impulse of 
 the moment. But his P's and Q's had now returned to their 
 duty, and whispered to him, it would be highly improper to 
 do so. Good-breeding forbade it ; and the respect and atten- 
 tion which were due to his partner, required him to keep his 
 station, if he wished to support the character of a gentleman. 
 Poor Jerry now, indeed, felt the want of the card to point out 
 to him the figure of the dance ; as his eyes, instead of being 
 fixed on his partner, were directed to the spot where Lady 
 Wanton was walking. The face of the latter heroine, on 
 suddenly encountering our hero, was of a crimson hue, and, 
 instantly, in a confused state, she obscured herself in the 
 thickest part of the promenaders, and was soon lost sight of 
 by Hawthorn. Upon the conclusion of the dance, our hero, 
 by way of an excuse, complained of a slight sprain which he 
 had met with in his ankle, and, in consequence, excused him- 
 self from waltzing with Miss Trifle, being the best apology 
 he could, under such circumstances, make to his lovely and 
 engaging partner. To prevent detection, Jerry was compelled 
 to sit down, though he would have taken to his heels, if he 
 could have done so without observation ; and his eyes were 
 wandering over the assembly, in hopes of obtaining another 
 glimpse of the lady in question ; but the bird had flown ; he 
 had not marked it down as heretofore ; and although as keen 
 a sportsman as ever entered a field, he was liere completely at 
 fault. ALMACK'S had now lost its charms, owing to this 
 disappointment : it was a mere desert to him : Hawthorn 
 was intent upon another subject ; and many great personages, 
 who were well worthy of his attention, were passed over with 
 the utmost indifference. The Corinthian was equally in the 
 
TOM <&» JERRY ON THEIR P's &= (^s AT ALMACK'S. 343 
 
 dark as to the truth of the sprain ; and the only pleasure now 
 felt by Jerry was in taking his leave of the Marchioness 
 and the Misses Trifle, to accompany TOM once more to 
 Corinthian House, 
 
CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 Logic's Descriptive erambo Chaunt of the Traits of the Trio. 
 Tempus Fugit in the Metropolis. Varieties of Life in 
 London. Tom, Jerry, and Logic sporting their Blunt at 
 the Royal Cockpit. JVhat is termed, " A friendly Game of 
 Whist.''' The"Y-s.\o ''larking" at the Grand Carnival. A 
 Peep en passant at the Green-Room at Drury Lane Theatre. 
 A Stroll to the London Docks. The Effects of tasting Wine 
 in the Wood. The Ltalian Opera. 
 
 THE Oxonian, on liis safe arrival at the Albany, after his 
 cruise at All-Max, only stopped at his chambers to 
 change his apparel, which was rather out of order, and 
 then made the best of his way to inquire after his pals at 
 Corinthian House. It was the custom of Logic never to permit 
 the Bainbovj ' to announce him, being an enemy to formality : 
 he, therefore, sans ceremonie, while ToM and Jerry were 
 descanting upon some of the splendid characters that had 
 crossed their path on the preceding evening, suddenly opened 
 the door, just wide enough to present his well-known comical 
 phiz to their view, singing : — 
 
 Life in London, my boys, is a round of deliglit ; 
 In frolics, I keep up, both tlie day and the night, 
 
 ^ A knight of the rainbow ; a cant phrase for a footman in livery, in 
 allusion to the various colours of his jacket. 
 
A FRIENDLY GAME OF WHIST. 347 
 
 With my Tom and my Jbret, I try to "get best " 
 Of the Coves in the East — and the Swells at the West/ 
 Such pals in a larh, we the town can defy, ! 
 Then join me in cliaunting our precious IBIO. 
 WHO, 
 
 For drinking and dancing, 
 
 Milling and chancing^ 
 
 And ia sporting the Hunt ; 
 
 YoT prime fun, on the hunt; 
 
 In " Fields of Temptation," 
 
 In high or low station : 
 
 With a Duchess bo grand. 
 
 Or a nymph of the Strand; 
 
 View the MOTS in the Lobby, 
 
 Twig Tom, Jekky, and Bobby ; 
 
 Who, on quitting the Spells, 
 
 Swallow Uuin^ with Belles, 
 
 Yet are up to their slum ; 
 
 But a fig for each Bum : '■' 
 
 When in want of the Swag, 
 
 Then gammon the Brag ; * 
 
 In the Coffee- Shops peep, 
 
 Twanlicy take with a Sweep, 
 
 And there hold a parley. 
 
 To " Get the best op a Chaeley ! " 
 
 Or, in a street row. 
 
 Cut away like a plough, 
 
 ' " I'll chance it." A common expression among sporting men, when 
 the object in view is doubtful of accomplishment. 
 
 ^ Blue. But ruin is to be met with of all manner of colours. 
 
 ^ A Bailiff. By the most intimate acquaintance of Logic, who were 
 well aware of the game he had been playing for some years, this floiirish 
 might be viewed as rather bouncing a little ; but the Corinthian was too 
 well-bred to query the circumstances of any friend. 
 
 * Money-lenders. Logic termed those persons Brags, in con.sequence 
 of their repeatedly advertising to render embarrassed individuals assistance, 
 yet making them pay well for it ; something after the old adage, that 
 " Eeag 's a good dog ; but Holdfast is a better ! " 
 
348 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 And fioor all the Chaps, 
 But be shy of the Teaps : 
 With the "Peep o' day boys," 
 Hunting up dirty Toys} 
 At All-Max in the East, 
 Toss off Gin like a feast ; 
 At Almaok's in the West, 
 True politeness the zest ; 
 To Waltz or Quadrille, 
 Lots of Pleasure — our fill ; 
 The " double shuffle or cut ; " 
 At " All-Fouks " or to Put. 
 Then a hand take at Whist, 
 With the best on the list : 
 EouGE-ET-NoiR and Hazard^ 
 AVith each hnowing Tnazzard ; " 
 Yet you always must win, 
 At E. 0. and Berlin : 
 At strong " knock 'on doioti," 
 Do your best for a Crown : 
 And give the Flats EUB, 
 At " Crih, " or " Lant Loo.'' 
 With low flash and rich style, 
 The dull hours to beguile : 
 When your spirits do flag. 
 Throw yourself in a dra'j ; 
 
 Then, 
 Let us ask who .can beat, ! 
 The TRIO — the trio — the trio ? 
 
 Logic would not be interrupted till lie had finished his 
 crambo chaunt, when he was received with that kind of hearty 
 welcome by our heroes, which recognises the return of an old 
 
 1 Logic's phrase for the unfortunate peep o' day women of the town, 
 who wander about from one coffee-shop to another, till day-light breaks in 
 upon them, and whose pockets are " full of emptiness." Also, when the 
 da,b is not to fco had upon tick. 
 
 ' One of the numerous slang phrases for the head. 
 
A t'lUENDLY GAME OF WHIST. 349 
 
 acquaintance to a company, whose lively talents never fail to 
 set the table in a roar. Both the Corinthian and Hawthorn 
 held out their hands to him ; when the former, laughing, ob- 
 served, " My dear Bob, I am very glad to perceive you have 
 returned safely into port, as the last advices we received were 
 that the Oxo»ia» had been cast aivay on the Coast of Africa." 
 " Another report," said Jerry, " was, that you had been cap- 
 sized by the Flashy Nance." " These inuendoes won't do, my 
 friends," replied Logic. " It is true, I have been under an 
 embargo for a short period ; but I would also have you to 
 understand, that my despatches are sealed : and I have not 
 as yet arrived at the proper destination where they are to be 
 broken open ; therefore, a truce, if you please, at present, to 
 any further inquiries on that head. Take it for granted, that 
 I am returned safe and sound, both wind and limb ; and am 
 quite ready to start upon another scent. But come, let us be 
 jogging. Tempus fugit, my boys. I am going to the Eoyal 
 Cockpit, in Tufton Street, Westminster; and you and the 
 Corinthian promised to accompany me the first good day's 
 Play of Cocks that was announced." " Indeed, you are right," 
 urged Hawthorn ; " I really think Time has wings in London ; 
 at least, I have found it so. It is true I have gone to rest, but 
 I have scarcely had fmiy winks before it is one or two o'clock 
 in the day; and half a dozen glasses of wine after dinner 
 have not passed my ivory, when night has arrived. I have," 
 continued Jerry, smiling, "properly reversed the order of 
 things, since I have made my appearance in the Metropolis : 
 and I also find, by experience, that Jerry in the country was 
 quite a different personage to Mr HAWTHORN in town." 
 
 The Oxonian was as gay as a lark ; and he did not appear 
 to have quite recovered from the effects of his recent cruise. 
 In answer to Jerry, he again burst forth, cliaunting — 
 
35° LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Who dares talk of hours ? Seize the bell of that clock ; 
 
 Seize the hammer, and cut off his hands ; 
 To the hotile, dear hoitl^ I I '11 stick like a rock, 
 
 And obey only PLEASURE'S commands. 
 
 Let him strike the short hours, and hint at a bed ; — 
 Waiter, bring us more wine, — what a whim ! 
 
 Say that TIME, his old master, for topees was made, 
 And not jolly TOPERS for him. 
 
 The lively trio, once more complete, again started off in 
 high spirits to pursue the cjame in view; but they had not 
 jjroceeded far on their route, before the O.wnian burst out into 
 a laugh, and, touching Jerry on the shoulder, said, " My 
 dear boy, they have found you out at last. Only turn round, 
 and you will have a very fine view ^ of Life in London of 
 your own maJcing. You will also perceive the man ivith the 
 gold-laced hat and coat ^ waiting to pay his respects to you." 
 
 " I must admit," replied, the Corinthian, smiling, " it is a 
 fertile jDrospect ; but it is one of those _2M'o?'/w«(;b< features of Life 
 which rather belongs to the country, and is more frequently 
 witnessed in villages than in large towns, an't it, Coz 1 Indeed, 
 Jerry, your experience in those matters entitles you to decide 
 the question, in preference to us Metro23olitans. Is it not so, 
 Bob ? " " Most certainly," said Logic ; " but I have no doubt 
 the countryman will be able to hedge off from the subject, as 
 we know he is a good sportsman.'' " Well done, my friends," 
 
 ^ The Oxonian, most likely, borrowed this idea from the old saying of 
 the three finest sights in the world : — a pregnant female, u, ship in full 
 sail, and a field of ripe corn. 
 
 '■' The Beadle of the Parish. This hero of the staff generally being sent 
 to take up those persona who are humorously termed "the Face- 
 Makers I" 
 
A FRIENDLY GAMS OF WHIST. 351 
 
 exclaimed Hawthorn ; " so in order to preserve the reputa- 
 tion of the London females, I am to libel the unsuspecting, 
 innocent, harmless country damsels at the expense of their 
 general characters. No, my dear fellows, I love the sex too 
 well to utter one word of reproach against them, either in 
 town or country, for being — kind ; and if anything should be 
 the matter, I hope I shall never so far forget myself as to 
 want (as you term him. Bob), 'the man with the gold-laced 
 hat and coat,' not merely to compel me to do my duty, but to 
 perform the highest act of a man's life — that of protecting a 
 female in distress!" "Bravo," said Logic ; " very nobly ex- 
 pressed. You are game to the back-bone, Jerry; and I see, 
 with pleasure, we shall be able to make something important 
 of you before your return to Hawthorn Hall; and that Life 
 IN London will not be thrown away upon your mind. After 
 you have sown your wild oats, as the old women have it, you 
 may become an excellent, liberal kind of heaJc, and I hope I shall 
 live to witness your name in the commission of the peace for 
 Somersetshire." " I hope so too," answered the Corinthian ; 
 " but I am afraid the poachers would stand but a queer chance, 
 if any of them were brought before Justice Hawthorn ! " 
 
 On their way to the Cockpit, Jerry advised the Corin- 
 thian and Logic to hack the Countryman, designated Tommy 
 the Sweep: "That won't do," replied the Oxonian; "the 
 Yokels have always been beat in London ! " " Never mind," 
 answered Hawthorn, " I '11 give you that in ; but Tommy will 
 take the shine out of ilie Cockneys this time. He is a capital 
 feeder, and an excellent judge of cocks ; he is, I understand, 
 familiar with all the various breeds, and well acquainted with 
 the properties of the right shitten winged colour, the Shrop- 
 shire reds, the Staffordshire jet blacks, &c." "I think we 
 may as well, Bob," said the Corinthian, "yield to Jerry's 
 
352 LIFE IN LONDON: 
 
 judgment upon this occasion." " It shall be so, then," said 
 Logic." Hawthorn was no novice at cocking ; and the in- 
 terior of the Pit aiTorded him but little variety for observa- 
 tion : the confusion of voices ; the bettings of 2 to 1, 5 to 4, 
 &c. ] the poundage ; the anxiety displayed by the backers, on 
 the telling out of the cocks, were exactly the same as Jerry 
 had previously witnessed in the country : but the singularity 
 of the remarks, and the knowing looks of the visitors, both 
 high and low, did not fail in making an impression on his 
 mind. It is rather singular to remark, it was the first 
 time that a London Feeder was beaten on his own ground; 
 and Tom and Logic " won their Hunt," in consequence of 
 hacking the opinion of Hawthorn. The group of persons 
 assembled in the Pit, as represented in the Plate, is accurate 
 to a point. 
 
 The swell BROAD ^ coves who had lost their money in the 
 Pit with Tom and Jerry were determined, if possible, to get 
 it soon back again ; and, therefore, in the most polite manner, 
 invited, nay pressed, our heroes to take dinner with them at 
 their house, near St James's Park. Logic excused himself on 
 account of some prior engagement ; but the CORINTHIAN and 
 Jerry, supposing it nothing more than a gentlemanly sort of 
 invitation, accepted it without the least hesitation. Indeed, 
 upon this suit some of the best judges in the kingdom have been 
 " had." Inviting a man to a swell dinner, and making him pay 
 five guineas a mouthful for it afterwards, is no new feature in 
 Life in London. It is three playing one; and Jerry 
 stood the nonsense in prime style. Blacky, although in the 
 character of a servant, was in it — and did not want the hint to 
 
 ^ Elegantly dressed card-players ; also possessing a good address, with 
 other requisites befitting them to keep company with gentlemen. 
 

 > 
 
 o 
 
 < 
 o 
 
 CO 
 
A FRIENDLY GAME OF WHIST. 353 
 
 ply the wine often enough to Hawthokn. Tom was also a 
 brother sufferer. The hlade, who throws liis eyes over his cards 
 to receive the office from his ^al, who is getting a sight of 
 Jerry's cards from the glass, is well delineated in the Plate ; 
 indeed, the whole group is well worthy of observation. How 
 are we ruined in London ? But then it is only taking a friendly 
 game at WHIST. When Logic heard of the above circumstance, 
 on giving our heroes a call, the next morning, he laughed 
 heartily at their being maced ; observing, " That he ought to 
 think himself very lucky he had escaped such a friendly 
 invitation. But never mind, my boys," said he, " every one 
 must pay for his learning ; and it would be unhandsome to 
 hilk the schoolmaster — wouldn 't it, Jerry ? Yet I think it 
 would have been as well for both of you {in an ironical manner), 
 if your despatches had been sealed upon this voyage. But a truce 
 to complaint. Here is more fun in store for us, and I have 
 purchased tickets for the Grand Carnival at the English 
 Opera House this evening. The advertisement sets forth, 
 that it is an attempt to render MASQUERADES a popular species 
 of amusement in the Metropolis." "I must confess. Bob," 
 answered the Corinthian, " you are a prime caterer for the 
 TRIO." "I am also much indebted to my friend Logic for his 
 exertions," said Jerry, " to give me a sight of everything 
 interesting in London ; and, also, for his excellent company on 
 most of the occasions. I am no flatterer. Bob ; and, believe 
 me, I was not a little vexed on account of your absence the 
 other evening at ALMACK'S." " But I was with you at ALL- 
 MAX," answered Logic, making up his comic face laughingly 
 irresistible ; " and I'll bet you seven to four, for a bit of good 
 truth, the lively jig of African Sail in the East against the 
 quadrilles and waltzing of the diamond squad in the West, for gig 
 fun, life, and character." "Lethe," replied Jerry. "I am not 
 up to that phrase ; it is netv, I suppose," said the Oxonian, " and 
 
 Z 
 
354 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 you want to quiz me," " No, no. Bob," urged Hawthorn, "I 
 must give you ' hest ' in that respect; but it was the cue, or by- 
 word, which I was to take from my Coz, whenever he thought 
 I was getting out of the line." " And not a bad ideal neither," 
 replied LoGiC ; " but you will have no occasion to sing out 
 'Lethe' to-night at the Carnival, I '11 answer for it. How- 
 ever, let us make up our minds as to the Characters we intend 
 to assume. I shall go asZ'r Pangloss." "And I as Rover,^' said the 
 Corinthian. " Not much assumption in that, I believe," cried 
 the Oxonian; "butyoujmust excuse me, my dear ToM." "I 
 intend to personify Hodge,'' observed Jerry ; " and then, per- 
 haps, as a countryman, I shall not be so likely to commit myself." 
 This point being settled, the time soon arrived for the TRIO to 
 enter into the lark at the Grand Carnival. The experience 
 Hawthorn had now had made him rather bold : he trod the 
 boards like an old stager, and entered the Masquicrade loudly 
 singing,— 
 
 " I 'm a poor country booby, and have lost my way, 
 
 And com'd here to look after a zarvice ; 
 But, my sweet ladies, don't lead I astray, 
 
 As I have no cash to call for a Janis." ^ 
 
 The Corinthian was so complete a Rover with all the fair 
 ones present, that he was pronounced by them a real clmracter ; 
 and, most certainly, stood in no need of a mask to conceal his 
 
 ■■ It is not unlikely that Corinthian Tom took this hint from the Duhc 
 of Argyle (in the Heart of Mid-Lothian, as performed at the Surrey 
 Theatre), who advises Jeanie Deans, previous to her interview with the 
 Queen, to observe his motions, in order that she may behave coirectly 
 when telling her story in the Eoyal Presence. " For instance," says the 
 Duke, ''when you observe me touch my cravat, proceed no further upon 
 that subject." 
 
 " This expression was rather too fiash for a countryman ; but a man 
 does not always study his clmracter. 
 
A FRIENDLY GAME OF IVHIST. 3SS 
 
 designs. LOGIC likewise entered so much into the spirit of the 
 scene, in quizzing several Masquers with his LL.D. and A.S.S., 
 that his lacks were much oftener/e?i than relished. Upon " Puss 
 in Boots " presenting his card to the Oxonian, the latter, who 
 was aware of his person although disguised in this character, 
 by way of a^Mw, said to him, " Mr Puss, I do not observe any 
 Peake to your boots t " " Never mind," answered the Corin- 
 thian, " although Puss is no translator, yet his WORKS do not 
 want for point neither ! " " Pugh ! " said Jerry, laughing, 
 '•' with all your pretended knowledge of Mr Puss, you are both 
 oat, as he has got a better seat of work than translating, I 
 assure you, — he belongs to the Treasury."''- Nothing of any 
 particular moment occurred to our trio ; indeed, it might be 
 said to be the same thing over again to Jerry, with the 
 difference only of greater talents having been displayed by 
 some of the cJiaracters : but no one of the masquers present 
 created more fun, showed more lark, or entered more into the 
 spirit of the scene,^ than did Tom, Jerry, and Logic, and they 
 returned to Cornthian House quite fatigued from their exertions. 
 
 ' Mr R. E. Peake, jun. treasurer of the English Opera House; a, gentle- 
 man of considerable talents, not only as an artist, but as a lively, witty, 
 dramatic author. His "Costume of a Journey to Paris" — "Actor and 
 Amateurs " — " Walk for a Wager," &c., and also a portion of the last two 
 pieces of Mr Matthews's *' At Home," sufficiently speak for themselves. 
 
 ' Most of the CJiaracters who were at the Grand Caenival may tra«o 
 themselves by a close inspection of the Plate. The Man in Armour, Puss 
 in Boots, the Maid who attacks her Lovers with a Warming-Pan, the Girl 
 with the Skipping-Rope, the Nonpakeil sparring, the Juggler with the 
 Cups and Balls, the Slack Rope Vaulter, Moll Flagon, the fine Lady of tha 
 last Century, the fat Friar, the Undertaker, &c., &c., are all BuflSciently 
 prominent to speak for themselves. The Plate is a very accurate repre- 
 sentation of that gland scene. The view of Venice in the back-ground ; 
 the Swiss Cottages ; and the Masquers in the Boxes, render the tout 
 ensenMe highly interesting. 
 
35^ LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Our heroes did not rise till late the next morning, but 
 breakfast was scarcely over, when the order of the day was 
 gone into, and, as usual, " Where shall we go this evening % " 
 said Hawthokn to his Coz. " A-^ropos," replied the Corin- 
 thian, " I have the oiFer of an introduction to the performers 
 in the Green-Koom of Drury Lane Theatre." " Excellent," 
 exclaimed Jerry j "it is Don Giovanni to-night, and the 
 numerous characters that piece contains will afford us plenty 
 of fun ! Besides, if it were nothing else but the introduction 
 of one Don to another." Tom smiled at this compliment, but 
 made no answer to it. After some observations on the 
 mechanism'- or acting of plays, upon their entrance into the 
 Green-Room, the Corinthian said to his Coz, " You perceive, 
 Jerry, as a proof of my argument, that, when the call-boy 
 informs the actors they are wanted upon the stage, they 
 immediately place themselves in their situations, like joints put 
 together belonging to a piece of furniture.'' " You have a 
 very pleasant life of it, indeed," Hawthorn remarked to one 
 of the performers who stood near to him, " and you must be 
 the most cheerful beings upon the earth ; as you appear to be 
 always merry, singing, and dancing.'' " Yes, sir," replied the 
 
 ^ It is curious to observe on the performance of a new play, got up iu 
 haste, where the actors in general have scarcely had an opportunity of 
 knowing anything more about the piece than their own individual 
 characters, written out for them by the prompter, and which may be 
 placed in the middle, or near the end of the performance, how they fall in, 
 acting with that sort of animation and feeling, which tend to impress upon 
 the minds of the audience, that their energies are actuated by the whole 
 story of the play, either in eliciting tears or producing roars of laughter. 
 Nay, more, some of the actors in the piece, who are not wanted till a 
 certain period, may be enjoying themselves at the distance of Beirnet from 
 the theatre when the play commenced, and yet arrive in due time to do 
 their duty in their precise situation. Tliis, however, looks something like 
 mechanism, as Tom remarked. 
 
A FRIENDLY GAME OF WIIJST. 357 
 
 hero of the lamp, "we certainly do appear so before the 
 curtain ; and I verily believe the audience in general entertain 
 that opinion ; but, if you will permit me to change the scene, 
 I will show you that it is far more difficult to 'phase, the com- 
 pany lehind Greeny •,'^ I beg pardon, sir, I should have said, 
 than the audience lefore the curtain. To be candid, it is one of 
 the most envious professions in existence — praisR to others is 
 like death to us; and, behind the scenes, merit is rarely 
 acknowledged or meets with any thing like fair play. If an 
 actor succeed, and bring money (for money is the touchstone of 
 excellence, more than any other quality, in the Treasury), then 
 I admit he is everything ; as well as almost being surfeited 
 with praises and offers of kindness ; and objections to his size,^ 
 voice, and other imperfections which might have been made 
 against him when applying for an engagement, are all forgotten 
 in an instant. The greatest tragedians and comic actors who 
 have been established with the public for years, some of 
 whom are nearly upon the verge of visiting ' that bourn 
 from whence no traveller returns,' would almost sooner part 
 with their lives than lose a hand, — I beg pardon, sir, than a 
 single grain of applause. The dismissal of an underling 
 actor would undoubtedly follow, if he dared to commence his 
 speech before a great comic performer had done ' cutting op 
 MUGS ; ' or, have swallowed his three rounds of applause. I 
 beg pardon, sir, for being so technical ; I mean making wry 
 faces : and you must also wait, if it be till Doomsday, before 
 you attempt to quit your position, if a distinguished tragedian 
 has not electrified the audience with his grand start ! Several 
 performers of note, too, have thought it beneath their dignity 
 
 ' " One man in his time playa many parts : " and actors, like most other 
 professions, have a slang, or cant, of their own. 
 ' This was rather a sharp cut ; if not a Kean hit. 
 
3 S 8 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 to give an inferior actor his cue, when he has been at a loss, 
 and have preferred seeing the latter appear ridiculous, thinking 
 it tended to raise their importance with the audience, respect- 
 ing their being ^er/ec^." " I have witnessed that circumstance 
 several times in the country, I must confess," answered Jerry. 
 " Before you are UP," resumed the actor,—" but I hope you 
 will excuse me, sir, I mean to say, that when a person first 
 enters the profession, and during the time he is going round 
 the country for practice, he has so many parts to learn that 
 he has scarcely any time for sleep : and, after having been for 
 years ia this uncertain pursuit, should he have the offer of a 
 trial nightji at London, he is more frequently damned than 
 otherwise, which so reduces the actor in the estimation of his 
 hitherto judges in the provincial towns, where he has been 
 once a great favourite, that it operates like an extinguisher to 
 him as a performer. The engagements, too, should a country 
 actor be lucky enough to make one, are now made upon such 
 precarious terms, that he is liable to be brushed off at the end 
 of the first season. An actor likewise ought never to be ill, as 
 the public too often think it is merely an excuse : besides, a 
 performer is often compelled to play with a heart full of grief, 
 and perhaps, at the same time, overwhelmed with misfortunes, 
 yet he must appear as gay as a lark, and as if he was one of 
 the happiest beings in the world. It is a most arduous pro- 
 fession. A performer ought also to possess the incalculable 
 advantages of education, a free intercourse with polished 
 society, and a general knowledge of countries and history ; be 
 completely master of the various traits of human nature, the 
 
 ^ Sixteen, it is said (i£ not more), Dennis Brulgrudderys have made 
 their appearance at Covent-Qarden Theatre, since Mr Johnxtone left that 
 house, and not one o£ them haa been able to establish himself in that 
 character. 
 
A FRIENDLY GAME OF WHIST. 3S9 
 
 passions necessarily subservient to his will, and, as & pendulum 
 to the whole, the acquirements of a gentleman. But, notwith- 
 standing all the above unities towards perfection, without the 
 possession of a vigorous mind, eminence wiU not await his 
 efforts. The fame of an actor is likewise composed of the 
 most perishable materials ; and his talents are entirely left to 
 the recollection of his audience to be preserved from oblivion. 
 The works of the painter may be condemned and the subject 
 removed ; but he can paint, paint, and paint again, tUl 
 success crown his efforts. Should the labours of the poet 
 prove displeasing, a new production may place him in a more 
 eligible point of view ; and the persons of the painter and the 
 poet are never ~put- in competition with their talents. But to 
 the player, figure is of the utmost importance, as a pre- 
 possessing appearance is half-way towards success : — 
 
 " The critic's sight 'tis only grace can please ; 
 'So figure charms us if it has not ease." 
 
 The mere circumstance of changing the name of any favour- 
 ite actress from Miss to Mrs is a dangerous experiment, 
 and the hitherto attraction, in spite of superior talents, gener- 
 ally subsides, and a new single performer must be obtained 
 to feed the inexhaustible demands of novelty. Added to all 
 these circumstances, sir, the poor performer has also to with- 
 stand the torrent of newspaper criticism, and placidly to bear 
 being cut all to pieces." " I think," said Tom, interrupting 
 the complaints of the former, " not only the actors but the 
 proprietors of the theatres are much indebted to the exertions 
 of the press in their liberal recommendation of the performances 
 to the public: but," continued the Corinthian, smiling, "it 
 must be rather a difficult matter for those theatrical writers to 
 split their candour, who are in the habit of cutting up a per- 
 former's beef, to turn round and cut up his person afterwards ; 
 
360 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 indeed, it is but fair, under such circumstances, that the critic 
 should give the balance in favour of his friend. It might be 
 better, perhaps, on the score of impartiality, or to prevent any 
 imputation of favouritism, that the newspapers should not 
 receive free admissions ; but it operates, in my opinion, very 
 little against giving their opinions independently.'' " Well, 
 sir, I will not dispute that circumstance with you," replied the 
 
 actor ; " but the tyranny and caprice of the managers are" 
 
 " Sir," said Jekry, in order to cut the subject, " you must 
 excuse us, as we have an engagement to fulfil, and are tied to 
 time." Our heroes now took their departure ; but HAWTHORN 
 observed to his Coz, " that he was not an advocate for the Don 
 being performed by a woman ; and he did not like, without 
 disparagement to the ladies, to witness this transposition of 
 cJmracters. I cannot make up my mind," continued Jerry, 
 " that the females who are engaged in the same piece can act 
 their parts with such spirit and feeling as when a man is 
 their hero." ToM and Jerry took a saunter through the house, 
 a strut up and down the saloon and lobby, and a p««p into a 
 sluicery or two, to see if any thing " new " was stirring ; but, 
 as nothing " turned-up" to excite the peculiar attention of our 
 heroes, they made rather an early night of it, and reached 
 Corinthian House in decent time, where a light supper, a pleasant 
 bit of chat on the occurrences of the day, and a social glass of 
 wine, beguiled an hour or two, till the dustman made his 
 appearance, and gave the hint to Tom and Jerry that it was 
 time to visit their beds. 
 
 Our heroes mustered somewhat earlier than usual the next 
 morning, and a stroll to the London Docks was the pursuit in 
 view. " Suppose," said Logic, " on our road, we stop and take 
 a bird's-eye view of Newgate, from the top of the prison, 
 which we neglected at our last visit." " With all my heart," 
 
A FRIENDLY GAME OF WHIST. 361 
 
 exclaimed Jerry. ■ On ascending to the top of Newgate, the 
 TRIO expressed themselves much pleased, on looking down into 
 the different yards, and witnessing the excellent mode of dis- 
 cipline practised in that prison, of sorting the criminals into 
 classes, according to their distinction of crimes. " It appears 
 to me," said Tom, " impossible for any prisoner to make an 
 escape." " I agree with you," replied Logic ; " look there ! 
 (pointing to the watch-box), both day and night a man is 
 always on duty, who is relieved at certain hours." 
 
 On the approach of our heroes towards the London Docks, 
 the Oxonian, with a smile, asked his companions, " if they had 
 a mind, as they were so near, for another night at All-Max 1 " 
 " Not yet awhile," replied Hawthorn. Upon traversing the 
 Docks, the Corinthian met with his wine-merchant, who 
 politely pressed the trio to descend into a vault, to taste some 
 capital wines which he had recently purchased in the wood. 
 Logic, with a grin, said to Jerry, " it was not only a good 
 move, but there was a great deal of taste about it. The Corin- 
 thian and Hawthorn were both upon their guard, but Logic, 
 who was a dear lover of wine, tasted, tasted, and tasted'^ so 
 often, that he ultimately became nan compos mentis, and required 
 the assistance of a drag to convey him home to the Albany. 
 
 "I am sorry this 'tasting^ circumstance occurred," said ToM 
 to his Coz, when taking their wine after dinner, " as I very 
 much wished for Bob to have gone with us this evening to the 
 Opera. But we must do without him." 
 
 ^ Some excuse might be ofJered for Logic in this particular instance ; 
 as many persons have been overcome before they were aware of it, from 
 being gammoned to taste wine in a vault. It ia fine fun for the cellarmen, 
 but nothing nem to them. 
 
362 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 The spacious appearance of the Italian Opera House, the 
 brilliancy of the audience (particularly the display of full- 
 dressed persons in the pit), and the comforts of the Corin- 
 thian's box, afforded Jerry much delight and satisfaction. 
 " But," said Hawthorn, " it appears to me that the company, 
 generally, value this theatre more for a lounging fashionable 
 place of meeting with each other than to listen to the per- 
 formances ; and the great mass of the spectators, I believe, are 
 also in the dark as to a cmiversant knowledge of the dialogue. 
 To look and to be looked at, to be superbly attired, as leaders, on 
 the one side, as well as numerous persons on the other to foUow 
 the fashions, are features of a more prominent description. 
 However, it is most certainly a brilliant spectacle, and I have 
 no doubt but many persons of superior taste visit the Opera 
 House for no other purpose but the gratification they feel at 
 the talents displayed by the performers. The dancing, I con- 
 fess, is so truly elegant that I want words to express my 
 admiration of it. But, my dear Coz," said Jerry, laughing, 
 " to have one's box at the Opera, you know, is quite the ton ! " 
 " I have no fault to find with your portrait of this fashionable 
 2>icture of Life in London," replied Tom ; " at least, the outline 
 is good; and, instead of any prejudice being exhibited against 
 the Italian Opera, I think it ought to be viewed as a stimulus 
 towards the improvement of our male and female singers ; 
 and, without any disparagement or illiberality, I consider the 
 English perforniers now as powerful rivals." On our heroes 
 descending into the pit, by way of a look to see who was there, 
 the Hon. Dick Trifle immediately caught the attention of 
 the Cokinthun, with "My dear Tom, I am glad to see you; 
 won't you pay your respects to the Marchioness 1 her Lady- 
 ship is here, accompanied by my cousins. Come, Mr Haw- 
 thorn, let me conduct you to the box of the MARCHIONESS." 
 Our heroes were in the presence of this dashing heroine and 
 
s 
 o 
 
 >- 
 
A FRIENDLY GAME OF WHIST. 3^3 
 
 the Misses Trifle without delay. Jerry's sprain was 
 inquired after, with much politeness by the ladies, and the 
 remainder of the evening was chatted away in the most agreeaUe 
 manner, but a little at the expense of some of th^' intimate 
 friends of the Marchioness, who were good-naturedly ridiculed 
 for their peculiarities of taste, look, and dress; indeed, so 
 much were they all engaged with the elegant satire and anec- 
 dotes with whii;h Trifle so amply furnished them, that scarcely 
 any of the party had an opportunity of bestowing a single 
 glance at the performances. " Trifle," said the Mar- 
 chioness, "who was that rotunda kind of a female in company 
 with the person I saw you in conversation with when I entered 
 the house 1" " She is the wife of a great contractor for hides 
 and tallow," replied Trifle. " Her husband, I am told, was 
 originally a charity-boy : but I have no connexion with him, I 
 assure your Ladyship, having merely met him on the 'Change 
 one morning when I was in company with a friend of mine. 
 The contractor recognised me first, or else you may depend I 
 should not have noticed the f-a-e-1-l-o-w ; but, nevertheless, he 
 is now immensely rich, and looks upon himself as good as a 
 
 Mar ." " Stop, stop. Trifle," said the Marchioness, 
 
 interrupting him, with a toss of her head ; " do not soil the title 
 with such a greasy subject. Good heavens ! what can such 
 people mean by showing themselves at the Opera ; are there 
 not the theatres and other minor places of amusement iar folks 
 of that description 1 " " Vary true ; perfectly correct. Madam ; 
 I am at a loss to know what sort of feelings they possess," 
 replied Trifle, taking a pinch of snuff. On the dropping of 
 the curtain, the CoRiNTHIAN and his Coz begged the honour 
 of conducting the ladies to their carriage, which the annexed 
 Plate so characteristically delineates j and also the bustling 
 scene, which did not escape the observation of Jerry. The 
 vociferations of "The Marchioness of Diamond's carriage 
 
364 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 stops the way." The loud cries of " Coach unhired," from the 
 link-boys ; and, " Does your honour vant a coach ? This vay, 
 your honour," &c. The numerous livery servants in attend- 
 ance ; and the frequent rows between the police officers and 
 the gay young coachmen endeavouring to get up first to the 
 door, almost at the hazard of their own lives, injuring their 
 horses, and having their carriages shattered to pieces in break- 
 ing through the line, merely to gratify the wishes of some of 
 their high-spirited mistresses, who think broken panels a trifle 
 in comparison to their being kept waiting ; or, with a smile, 
 pardon the gallantry of their coachmen for running down a 
 Jarvy in his crazy hack and load of company, who had dared 
 to have the presumption of taking p-ecedence of persons of 
 Quality. 
 
CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 The Trio making the most of an Evening at Vauxhall. Tojm 
 and Jerry visiting the Exhibition of Pictures at the Royal 
 Academy. Hawthorn, Tom, and Logic " masquerading 
 it" among the Cadgers in the " Back Slums '' in the Holy 
 Land. The Corinthian and his Coz taking tJie Hint at 
 Logic's being " Blown up " at Point Non-Plus, or long 
 wanted by John Doe and Richard Roe, and must come. 
 Symptoms ^^ Jerry being rather out of Condition. 
 
 LOGIC showed his merry face earlier than usual at Cmin- 
 thian House, and in consequence the trio was complete 
 at breakfast ; but by way of an apology, or rather to prevent 
 any criticism upon his conduct at the Docks, he punningly 
 observed, " that he felt confident, a Man of Taste was always a 
 welcome guest to his elegant friends at any hour." This had 
 the desired effect ; and some other novelty was immediately 
 sought after to keep our heroes in motion. " I perceive,'' said 
 Tom, " on perusing the newspaper, Vauxhall Gardens are open, 
 and therefore, Jerry, to-night we will pay them a visit." " It 
 is an extraordinary place, indeed," replied Hawthorn, "if my 
 Old Dad and Mam have not exaggerated its grandeur ; but, as 
 the old people have not been much used to sights, it may account 
 for their astonishment and rapture in speaking about them." 
 " I am not surprised at that,'' answered Tom, smihng ; in my 
 humble opinion, it has not its equal in the world. There is 
 
366 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 nothing like it in Paris. Pleasure holds her court at Vawxr 
 hall. In those gay regions, you are liable to jostle against the 
 gods and goddesses — Bacchus you will find frequently at your 
 elbow — Venus and the Graces passing and repassing, yet con- 
 descendingly smiling upon you — ^MoMUS surrounded by fun 
 and laughter — TERPSICHORE attending upon your steps — and 
 Apollo winding up the whole with the most pleasing harmony." 
 " No Lethe, then is necessary at Vauxhall, I suppose," said 
 Jerry, ironically, interrupting Tom. "Yes, my dear Coz," 
 answered the CORINTHIAN. " It might be inferred that nearly, 
 if not all the visitors, upon entering Vauxhall Gardens, had 
 drank of the waters of Lethe, for everything else seems to be 
 forgotten on joining this enchanting scene : however, I can speak 
 for myself in this respect." " Excellently well defined, Tom," 
 replied LoGiC. " To me, Vauxhall is the festival of Love and 
 Harmony, and produces a most happy mixture of society. 
 There is no precision about it, and every person can be accom- 
 modated, however substantial, or light and airy their palates. 
 If eating, my dear Jerry, is the object in view, you wiU per- 
 ceive tables laid out in every box, and the order is only 
 wanted by the waiter instantly to gratify the appetite. If 
 drinking, the punch is so prime, and immediately follows the 
 call, that it will soon make you as lively as a harlequin. If 
 inclined to ivaltz or to reel, partners can be procured with- 
 out the formality of a master of the ceremonies. If you are 
 fond of singing, the notes of that ever-green, Mrs Bland, 
 never fail to touch the heart. If attached to music, the able 
 performers in the orchestra, the Pandean minstrels, and regi- 
 mental bands, in various parts of the gardens, prove quite a 
 treat. If promenading is your forte, you will find illuminated 
 walks of the most interesting and animated description. 
 Numerous persons of the highest quality : myriads of lovely 
 females, with gaiety beaming upon every countenance ; and the 
 
THE TRIO MAKE AN EVENING AT VAUXIIALL. 367 
 
 pleasure of meeting with old friends and acquaintances, render 
 the tout ensemUe impressively elegant and fascinating. Even 
 the connoisseur in paintings may find subjects at Vauxhall too 
 rich to be passed over in haste. In short, there is such an 
 endless variety of amusements, in rapid succession, from the 
 song to the dance — from refreshment to the glass — from the 
 cascade to the fireworks, that time positively flies in these 
 Gardens. Reflection is not admitted ; and the senses are all 
 upon the alert. You may be as extravagant as you please, 
 or you need not spend a single farthing, if economy is your 
 object, and not be found fault with neither. If you like it 
 so best," continued the Oxonian, smiling, "you may be as 
 gay as a dancing-master, and enter into all the fun and 
 frolic by which you are surrounded ; or you can be as 
 decorous as a parson in his pulpit, and be nothing more than 
 a common observer. But if enjoyment is your motto, you 
 may make the most of an evening in these Gardens more 
 than at any other place in the Metropolis. It is all free 
 and easy — stay as long as you like, and depart when you 
 think proper." "Your descrijjtion is so flattering," replied 
 Jerry, "that I do not care how soon the time arrives for 
 us to start." Logic proposed a " bit of a stroll," in order 
 to get rid of an hour or two, which was immediately ac- 
 cepted by Tom and Jerry. A turn or two in Bond Street — 
 a stroll through Piccadillj- — a "look in" at Tattersall's — a ramble 
 through Pall-Mali — and a strut on the Corinthian Path, fully 
 occupied the time of our heroes till the hour for dinner 
 arrived, when a few glasses of Tom's rich wines soon put them 
 on the qui vive ; Vauxhall was then the object in view, and 
 the TRIO started, bent upon enjoying all the pleasures which 
 this place so amply affords to its visitors. 
 
 " It is really delightful," exclaimed Jerry, on his entering 
 
368 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 the Gardens, during the first act of the concert ; " I was, on 
 my first visit, enraptured with Sydney Gardens, at Bath • 
 but, I must confess, that the brilliancy of this scene is so 
 superior that it appears to me like a NEW world, and you 
 have not, my friends, overrated it.'' 
 
 Hawthoen, under the guidance of his pals, was not long 
 in exploring the illuminated walks, the rotunda, and every- 
 thing belonging to this fashionable place of resort. Our hero 
 was in high spirits ; Logic was also ripe for a spree : and the 
 Corinthian so agreeable in disposition, that he made known 
 to his two friends he was ready to accommodate them in any pro- 
 position they might feel inclined to make. Jerry expressed 
 himself much pleased with the arrangement and perfoimance 
 of the concert ; and he likewise observed, the music of the 
 songs reflected considerable credit on the talents of the com- 
 poser.^ On passing through the rooms attached to the rotunda, 
 in which the paintings of Hogarth and Hayman are exhibited, 
 and also the portraits of the late King and Queen, on their 
 coming to the throne, Jerry, with a smile, retorted upon 
 Logic, "that those paintings certainly could not be passed 
 over in haste, and if the proprietors of the Gardens thought 
 catalogues were not necessary, it would, however, prove 
 much more pleasing to the visitors if a few lines were painted 
 under them, by way of explanation." " I must agree with your 
 
 1 Mr Pabkt, the celebrated composer of the Welsh Melodies and several 
 other popular pieces of music ; a gentleman well known in the musical 
 world, and who has risen to the well-merited eminence he now enjoya 
 entirely from the possession of superior talents. Mr Pabkt was originally 
 the master of the Derbyshire band, and the fife was the first instrument 
 he excelled upon, when quite a boy ; but his performances on the flageolet 
 are exquisitely fine, and the admiration of all those persons who have 
 heard him. 
 
THE TRIO MAk'E AN EVENING AT VAUXHALL. 369 
 
 remarks," replied Logic ; " no visitor ought to be suffered to 
 remain in the dark on any subject amidst such a blaze of 
 illumination. Never mind criticising any more about these 
 pictures ; let us retire to a nice little box, for I assure you my 
 ogles have feasted long enough, and I stand in need of much 
 more substantial refreshment. Some burnt-wine, ham-shavings,'^ 
 chickens, sherry, and a lively drop of arrack-punch, my boys, 
 "vvill enable us to finish the evening like trumps." " A good 
 proposition," cried ToM. " It is," said Jerry ; " and I second 
 it." The TRIO immediately left the gay scene, for a short 
 period, to partake of all the cJwice articles which the larder 
 could produce to please their palates. The bottle was not 
 suffered to stand still by our heroes, and the punch also moved 
 off with great facility, till the lively military band invited them 
 once more to join the merry dance, when Logic, full of fun 
 and laughter, said, " he was now able to reel with any lady or 
 gentleman in the Gardens." " Yes," replied ToM, laughing 
 heartily, " I '11 back you on that score. Bob ; but not to dance." 
 The elegant appearance and address of the CORINTHIAN soon 
 procured him lots of dashing partners : Jerry was not behind 
 his Coz in that respect ; and the agility both our heroes dis- 
 j)layed on the " light fantastic toe " attracted numerous gazers, 
 as the Plate represents. Logic, who was for " pushing along, 
 keep moving," as he termed it, was inteiTupted in his pursuit by 
 a jacho' dandy hero, and who also quizzed the Oxonian with the 
 appellation of " Old Barnacles." Some sharp words passed in 
 reply from Logic, when the dandy, who was rather snuffy, as 
 well as impudent, put himself into a posture of defence, crying 
 
 * In allusion to the thinness and artist-like manner in wliich the ham 
 was brought to table. Logic offered a bet to Jerry " that it was not exit 
 with a knife, but shaved off with a plane ; and, if necessary, from its trans- 
 parent quality, conceived it might answer the purpose of a sTcy-liglUI" 
 
 2 A 
 
37° LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 out, " Come on, my &nefaeloiD, I '11 soon spoil your daylights." 
 The Oxonian immediately gave the dandy so severe a blow on 
 his head that he measured his length on the ground like a log 
 of wood : and, on Logic's perceiving the fallen dandy quite 
 terrified, he assumed to be in a most violent rage, and addressed 
 two of the sisterhood near him, with " My dears, if you do not 
 hold my arms, I am so tremendous a fellow, I shall certainly 
 do him a mischief." This piece of bombast had the desired 
 effect ; and the dandy, amidst roars of laughter, endeavoured 
 to get up and run away ; but Logic held him, and said, " That 
 was the way he took to correct fellows who addressed him im- 
 properly ; and, to prevent mistakes in future, he advised him 
 to remember Mr Green Specs." The Oxonian, anxious to keep 
 up the fun, pretended, all of a sudden, to be in great agony, 
 and, putting up his hand to his head, exclaimed, in a piteous 
 tone, " I have got the worst of it after all ; I have lost an eye.'' 
 " I hope not," said a lady, a little advanced in years, who was 
 an observer of the scene, apparently much grieved at his mis- 
 fortune. " Never mind, my love,'' replied Logic j " it is only 
 a green one ; I can get another," showing his spectacles, with 
 one of his glasses out. Bob now reeled off, receiving the ap- 
 plause of the spectators as a very funny fellow. On the con- 
 clusion of the dance, Tom and Jerry traversed the Gardens, 
 and enjoyed themselves to the utmost extent in all the variety 
 they afforded, till day-light had long given them the hint it 
 was time to think of home. Logic, as upon former occasions, 
 was not to be found ; and the Corinthian and his Coz were 
 compelled to leave Vauxhall without him. 
 
 It was late in the day before our heroes took theii" breakfast 
 at Corinthian House ; and the dinner was equally behind the 
 usual time, in proportion ; but, before half of the first bottle 
 of wine had been drank, Logic popped in with his " How do 
 
THE TRIO MAKE AN EVENING AT VAUXHALL. 37 1 
 
 you do ? " "I am glad to see you, my dear Bob," said Tom, 
 smiling ; " but you holiei from us last night : I hope you did 
 not lose your way in the darh walks, as I know it is rather a 
 dangerous passage, particularly for UinJcers : however, you are 
 safe now, and I shall not ask any further questions upon that 
 head; but, as my Coz and I intend to have a lounge to- 
 morrow at the Exhibition of Pictures, at Somerset House, if 
 you will accompany us we shall esteem it as a favour." " I 
 am sorry that a previous engagement of some importance pre- 
 vents my accepting your offer, as it is a hob ^ well laid out," 
 answered the Oxonian. "I agree with you, Logic," replied 
 Tom j " it is, I think, not only one of the cheapest but the 
 best shilling's worth in London : and it is so truly rational 
 and interesting, that you reflect upon it, at any period, with 
 the greatest satisfaction and pleasure to your feelings." " A 
 nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse," cried LoGiC, making 
 up one of his funny faces. " It is true, there is no fear of dark 
 walks at the Exhibition, although you are sure to meet with a 
 number of dark subjects : but I know of no person more com- 
 petent to explain to Jerry the advantages of light and sliade 
 than Corinthian Tom." " Upon my honour," observed the 
 
 latter, " I meant no allusion to " " No apology is 
 
 requisite," said Logic, " and I beg you will proceed without 
 further interruption." The Corinthian, in continuation, 
 observed, " That, to a person who is not a connoisseur in 
 paintings, a visit to the Exhibition is a treat ; but, to the real 
 lover and promoter of the fine arts, in order to witness the 
 improvement of the experienced artists, and the rising talents 
 of the young painter since the last season, is an inexpressible 
 pleasure. However, 07ie visit will not do, Jerry ; the first 
 must only be considered as a mere glance at the pictures, and 
 
 1 Boi, a shilling, — Cant, 
 
372 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 to marli your catalogue with any subjects that may have made 
 an impression on your mind in your hurry and bustle through 
 the rooms, not only to save your time, but that it may be 
 profitably occupied on a second visit. A third attendance at 
 the Exhibition Tvill tend, in a great degree, to make you 
 familiar with the paintings you have previously selected for 
 your observation ; and a fourth visit, in all probability, may 
 enable you to decide satisfactorily to yourself on the merits 
 of those subjects which had claimed your attention. In- 
 deed," continued the Corinthian, " the portraits are so 
 numerous that to dwell upon those likenesses with whom we 
 are not acquainted, might almost be considered little more 
 than a loss of time. The statesman, the general, the judge, 
 the divine, the physician, the author, the actor, and the 
 sculptor, or any individual who has raised himself above 
 the crowd from the possession of superior talents, cannot 
 be passed over with indifference and haste. It is natural," 
 urged Tom, rather animatedly, " that we feel anxious to 
 gain a sight of that man, in any walk of life, in whom the 
 public have an interest; and if the original is not familiar 
 to the eyes of the world, then his portrait becomes inter- 
 esting, and is fastened upon with the most marked attention. 
 The beauty," said Tom, " who is a reigning toast, however 
 unknown, I must admit, Jerry, would betray a want of 
 gallantry to pass over her picture with coldness ; but to gaze on 
 the portrait of a duke, who, perhaps, may have no other 
 recommendation to society than his being born to fill so 
 high a situation in life, however flattered by the great 
 talents of the artist to render it attractive, I must confess, is 
 nothing more to me than a pretty painting, and without 
 interest ; yet, in tracing the features of the philanthropist, the 
 scholar, and the liero, such portraits, in themselves, become 
 perfect studies, in order to view the feeling that adorns the 
 
?&&sS 
 
THE TRIO MAKE AN EVENING AT VAUXHALL. 373 
 
 jace,, the intelligent which decorates the mind, and the loftiness 
 of character that depicts a nobleness of disposition and great- 
 ness of soul, cannot fail to be a source of infinite pleasure and 
 delight.'' The trio spent a pleasant evening together, and 
 Tom and Jerry expressed much regret, on the departure 
 of Logic, that he could not accompany them to the Exhibi- 
 tion ; but the Oxonian promised to visit them early the next 
 evening. 
 
 Jerry felt rather anxious for the time to arrive to enjoy 
 the lounge at the Exhibition, more especially from the lively 
 description given of it by his Coz, and, on the removal of 
 the breakfast things, he solicited the Corinthian to be 
 off without delay. On viewing the rooms. Hawthorn 
 observed to Tom, " It was not only a most interesting sight, 
 but he thought a valuable one, as it afforded a fine oppor- 
 tunity for a stranger to witness the talents of most of the 
 artists of the Metropolis in so short a time, owing to their 
 being placed in competition with each other. It also appears 
 to me, that we are surrounded with a host of critics ; as I 
 have heard no other remarks, but ' What a shocking daub ! — 
 a most miserable likeness indeed ! — it is as coarse as sign- 
 painting,' accompanied with grimaces and shrugs of the 
 shoulders ; — contrasted with ' The execution is fine ! — full of 
 character ! — it is positively life itself ! — what exquisite 
 touches ! — the colouring is delicious ! — the drapery is delight- 
 ful ! — but, my dear Madam, only look at the beauty of the 
 frames ! ' " " Not critics, my Coz," answered Tom, with much 
 severity of manner; "I had rather you had called them 
 flippant soi-disant judges." Our heroes were now agreeably 
 relieved by the appearance of the Misses Trifle, who joined 
 them in the most friendly and polite manner, and also amused 
 them -with their trite and elegant remarks on the paintings 
 
374 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 and various characters they accidentally mixed with in their 
 walk through the Exhibition, which the Plate represents. 
 Tom and Jerry again had the honour of conducting the ladies 
 to their carriage, and returned to Corinthian House, to dinner, 
 more than usually pleased with their morning's excursion. 
 
 " We have witnessed a great many rich seems" said the 
 Corinthian to Jerry, as they were chatting over a glass 
 of wine, upon the removal of the tablecloth, " since your 
 arrival in London ; but I have one in store for you, which I 
 think will equal any of them, if not exceed them all." 
 " Indeed," answered Jeery ; " what can that be ? " "It is 
 a meeting of the Cadgers, to spend the evening, after the 
 fatigues of the day are over : but," said Tom, " it will be 
 of no use, my dear Coz, if you do not go in cliaracter. 
 You will then find the Grand Carnival, or the Masquerade 
 at the Opera House, nothing to it, by comparison. Dis- 
 guise, on our parts, is absolutely necessary; for, if we 
 were detected, I would not answer for the consequences ; 
 therefore, we must at least assume the outward appearance 
 of Beggars." "But how is that to be done?" said Jerry, 
 smiling. "There is not the least difficulty," replied the 
 Corinthian, " as I have the dresses by me, worn when I 
 accompanied Logic to witness this extraordinary scene ; and, 
 as we shall not leave the house tUl after dark, it will be to 
 me little more than routine, and we shall join the Beggars 
 with as much ease as we entered the merry party at Ax,l- 
 Max. But, you know, we expect Logic every moment, 
 and we will place ourselves under his management. In- 
 deed, you ought not, Jerry, to return to Hawthorn, Hall 
 without taking a pee;p at the Cadgers, at the Noah's Ark, 
 to use the slang of the Oxonian, in the hack slums, in the Holy 
 Land. It is a rich view of Human Nature ; and a fine page 
 
THE TRIO MAKE AN EVENING AT VAUXHALL. 375 
 
 in the Book of Life ; but it almost staggers hdief that man- 
 kind can be so debased ; that hypocrisy should be so successful ; 
 and that the fine feelings of the heart should become so Hunted 
 as to laugh at the charitable and humane persons who have 
 been imposed upon to relieve their assumed wants, and to 
 fatten on their daily crimes, without showing the least re- 
 morse. But the Metropolis is so extensive, the population so 
 immense, and the opportunities occur so frequently to impose 
 upon the credulity of the passenger in his hasty walks through 
 the streets of London, who has scarcely time to ' read as he 
 runs,' account, in a great degree, for the Beggars escaping 
 without detection. In order to prepare your mind for the 
 scene you are about to experience, be not surprised, my dear 
 Jerry, in observing the Beggar who has been writhing to and 
 fro all the day in the public streets in terrific agony, to excite 
 your charity and torture your feelings, here meet his fellows 
 to laugh at the flats, count over his gains, and sit down to a 
 rich supper. The wretch who has also pretended to be hlind, 
 and could not move an inch without being led by his dog, can 
 here see and enjoy all the good things of this life, without even 
 winking. The poor married woman with twins, who you are 
 led to imagine, from her piteous tale, has been left in distress, 
 in consequence of her husband having been sent to sea, you 
 wUl find is a single woman, and has only hired the children 
 from poor people, who lends them out for the purpose, joins 
 the party, at the Noah's Ark, to laugh at the fools who may 
 have relieved her pretended wants in the course of the day. 
 You will, Jerry, likewise witness the cJiap who has been 
 begging upon crutches through the streets, the first to propose 
 a dance, after he has carefully deposited his stUts, and to join 
 in a reel. The starved fellow, who calls his God to witness, 
 as the passengers pass by him, ' that he has not tasted a bit of 
 bread for two days ; ' and although he has a bag full of broken 
 
376 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 victuals given to liim by the humane and charitable cooks, he 
 would not put a bit in his mouth, his appdite being so nice, 
 may be seen among this diabolical set of IMPOSTORS blowing up 
 the cook for sending in his rump-steaks without the garnish of 
 pickles and horse-radish, and selling his bag of grvb to some 
 really poor and industrious persons. The hypocrite who has 
 been singing hymns, in hopes to excite the pity of the passenger 
 on account of his religious conduct, now empties himself by 
 swearings a lot of oaths, and uttering other horrid imprecations 
 on account of the bad day's work that he has made. The 
 p-egnant female is here delivered without the hclj^ of an 
 accoucheur; while roars of laughter resound from one end 
 of the room to the other, in witnessing her remove the 
 pillow from under her stays, drinking success to begging, and 
 singing — 
 
 " There 's a difference between a beggar and a queen, 
 And the reason I '11 tell you why : 
 A queen cannot swagger, nor get drunk like a beggar, 
 Nor be half so happy as I, as I." 
 
 The Sweeper of the Crossings''- near some of the squares, 
 whose genteel appearance excites the compassion of the 
 
 ' One of these genteel impostors, in the summer of 1820, was taken up 
 as a Tagabond, and committed to the House of Correction, in Cold Bath 
 Fields, for a month, for his saucy behaviour to a lady who had refused to 
 relieve his importunities. On his examination before the Magistrate, it 
 turned out that he was a journeyman tin-man by trade ; and, on his being 
 searched, twenty-five shillings were found in his pockets. For the first 
 two days of his confinement he was sulky and refused to eat such wretched 
 refreshment, as he termed the allowance of the House ; but, on recovering 
 his temper, he laughed at the^a(s, and asked, " Who would work hard for 
 a few shillings per day, when, with only a broom in his hand, a polite bow, 
 and a genteel appearance, at the corner of any of the Squares, the ladies 
 could be gammoned out of pounds per week ; and it was a bad day indeed, 
 that did not produce him from sixteen shillings to a pound." 
 
THE TRIO MAKE AN EVENING AT VAUXHALL. 377 
 
 ladies, who are often heard to exclaim, ' What a j)ity it is 
 that such a genteel man can get no employment ! " also joins 
 in the laugh, among the begging fraternity, at the credulity of 
 mankind ; and is enabled, from his deception, to indulge him- 
 self with brandy and water, and much better living than thou- 
 sands of hard-working journeymen in the Metropolis. In 
 short, my dear Coz, a volume would not contain one half of the 
 impositions that are daily practised upon the public by the 
 beggars of the Metropolis ; notwithstanding the exertions and 
 ex^osi of the Parish Officers, the Police, and the Mendicity 
 Society ; or, as our friend Bob emphatically observes, ' every 
 hair of your head will be as thick as a broomstick ' on entering 
 this assemblage of rascality, wickedness, and deceit." " I am 
 quite impatient for the time to arrive," said Jerry, "and pray 
 let our disguises be got ready." 
 
 To the great gratification of Jerry, Logic now joined our 
 heroes ; and the trio started as soon as the darkness of the 
 evening answered their purpose ; when it was not long before" 
 they entered the lack slums, and found themselves in the midst 
 of the Cadgers ; but, previous to which, the Oxonian observed 
 to Hawthorn, that, if it was not necessary to cry out 
 " Lethe " among the Cadgers, it was essentially requisite for 
 him to mind his P's and Q's, that no detection might take 
 place. The scene was so rich, that Jerry whispered to Logic, 
 " of all that I have witnessed, this must be pronounced as the 
 climax.'' " P," answered the Oxonian ; " no more magging. 
 Observe and be silent." Although Tom was disguised as a 
 beggar, yet he did not lose the traces of a, gentleman ; according 
 to the old adage, that a gentleman in rags does not forget his 
 real character. Jerry did not make his look beggarly enough; 
 but Logic gammoned to be the cadger in fine style, with his 
 crutch and specs; indeed, if it had not been for the fun, flash, 
 
378 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 and confidence of the Oxonian, tliey must have completely 
 failed in this expedition. Teg, the ballad-singer, all in tatters, 
 and covered vs^ith various-coloured rags, yet her pretty face did 
 not escape the roving eye of Tom, upon her winking and leer- 
 ing her ogles at him, and chaunting the ballad, " Poverty 's no 
 sin," in hopes to procure a new fancy-man. Massa Piebald, as 
 they termed him, on account of his Uack mug and white mop, 
 was chaffing the little cove, that, as he had no pins to stand 
 upon, he must have a perch ; and, as he was no starter, he 
 proposed him for their chairman. The no-pinn'd hero, on being 
 elevated, gave, as a toast, success to 'FhA.T-catching,'' which pro- 
 duced roars of laughter and shouts of approbation. The 
 fellow sitting near the stove, whose face seems on the grin, 
 from the pleasure he feels on scratching himself, offers to lay a 
 quart of heavy that he has not cut his nails for the last twelve 
 months, he has had such active employment for them. 
 Quarrelsome old Suke, who has been hobbling all the day on 
 her crutches through the streets, now descends the ladder quickly 
 to join the j^arty, and is blovnng-up her ould man for not tak- 
 ing hold of her crutches, " as he knows she doesn't vant 'em 
 now.'' Behind the stove, the row has become so great, from 
 the copious draughts of liquor and jollity of the Cadgers, 
 that the gin measure and glasses are thrown at each other ; 
 and their crutches and wooden legs are brought in contact to 
 finish the turn-up, till they are again wanted to cadge with the 
 next day. The black one-legged fiddler is strumming away to 
 enliven the party ; and the peck and booze is lying about in such 
 lots, that it would supply numerous poor families, if they had 
 had the office given to them where to apply for it. The whole 
 Plate is equal to any thing in Hogarth's collection ; it may be 
 examined again and again with delight : and the author thinks, 
 that his readers will agree with him, that he has not travelled 
 out of his way to thank the artist for the powerful talents he 
 
7 HE TRIO MAKE AN EVENING AT VAUXHALL. 379 
 
 has displayed iu portraying such a scene of Life in London. 
 Our heroes made their Iwiky as soon as they conveniently could, 
 when Logic gave the hint to be off; and the teio congratulated 
 themselves upon their safe arrival at Corinthian House, and also 
 upon the enjojinent of such a portraiture of the versatility of 
 the human character. 
 
 In consequence of three days having elapsed, and the Oxonian 
 not paying our heroes his usual morning-visit, " I am afraid 
 all is not exactly right with Bob ; suppose we give him a call 
 at the Albany" said ToM. " With all my heart," replied 
 Hawthorn : but our heroes, on entering the chambers of the 
 Oxonian, found him " in trouble." 
 
 The secret of Logic's circumstances could, therefore, no 
 longer be hid from his two staunch friends : in fact, the game 
 was played out ; but, to use his own words, he " was blown up 
 at Point NonrPlvs," and the officer now put the climax to the 
 sentence, that he had been " long wanted by John Doe and 
 EiCHARD KoE, and, therefore, must COME ! " The dashing 
 career of the Oxonian was, in consequence, stopped ; and the 
 officer, for his own safety, was compelled to put him under the 
 screw. This hint was quite sufficient to the Corinthian and 
 his Coz. 
 
 "My dear Bob," said Tom, smiling, on wishing Logic 
 good-bye, we shall be sure now always to find you ' at home ; ' 
 something like a great actor ; but no ' Tnp to Paris.' Bob, 
 alter your card to — ' at home,' and you will yet be able to 
 gammon the flats. I shall call and see you soon." Jerry 
 expressed himself much pleased at the quiet, handsome, and 
 gentlemanly manner in which this caption had been made. 
 " No noise," said he, "and done with so much secrecy and respect 
 
380 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 towards character." " Sir," replied the officer, " when gentle- 
 men act like gentlemen, the officer, who is compelled to do his 
 duty, never forgets to pay that sort of respect and attention to 
 those persons who conduct themselves accordingly ; nay, more, 
 he feels a pleasure to grant all proper indulgence to every 
 individual without distinction." " Here is your good health," 
 said Jerry ; " and I thank you for your politeness towards 
 my friend ; but I understand it is your general character to 
 all persons who wish to do what is right." Our heroes now 
 took their departure from the Albany, observing to Logic, 
 " that, upon receiving his card, ' at home,' they should im- 
 mediately do honour to it by an early visit." 
 
 The Corinthian and his Coz were sincerely sorry for 
 Logic's change of circumstances ; and, although they appeared 
 to treat the matter lightly in his presence, yet it was done in 
 order to keep up the spirits of the Oxonian. On the return of 
 our heroes to Cminihian House, they appeared very flat, in 
 consequence of the separation of the TRIO ; indeed, Jerry had 
 slightly complained, within the last few days to Logic, that he 
 did not feel himself quite right ; he could not peck as he wished, 
 and that his strength was on the decline ; but yet he found it 
 impossible to refrain from joining his pals in any lark that 
 might be proposed to him ; and Hawthorn smilingly observed 
 to his Coz, " That he was too game to give in till he was 
 dead beat, and he would only desert the Corinthian when he 
 could not come to time." " Yes, yes," replied Tom, "I do not 
 doubt your pluck ; but hard work will overcome the strongest 
 men, and Nature must have rest." 
 
CHAPTER XV. 
 
 The Oxonians Card. Tom and Jerry visiting Logic on 
 " board the Fleet ! " The Humours of a Whistling- Shop. 
 Logic's Horse. Jerry " beat to a stand-still ! " Dr 
 Please'em's Prescription. The Oxonian and Tom's Con- 
 dolence. A Man cannot have his Cake and eat it. Pleasure 
 versus Pain. The Manuscript. White Horse Cellar, 
 Piccadilly. Tom and Logic bidding Jerry "■good-bye^ on 
 his Return to Hawthorn Hall. 
 
 ON the Corinthian and Hawthorn meeting in the 
 Cluiffing Ciib to breakfast, they found the following 
 card placed on the table, which prevented anything like study 
 in what manner they should spend the day : — 
 
 "AT HOME. 
 
 " Bob Logic presents his compliments to Corinthian Tom and Jerky 
 Hawthorn, Esq., and will be happy to see them in Freshwater Bay, on 
 board the Never-wag man-of-war, on the homeward-bound station. He has 
 also to inform them that he has a new ship, the Albany having recently 
 blovm up at Point Non-Phis, owing, it is supposed, to its having remained 
 too long in the River Tich, and cruising off the dangerous point of South 
 Jeopardy. Bob, however, has no fear, at present, of going abroad, not 
 being under sailing orders ; but, nevertheless, if his old Pals are not 
 afraid of sea-sickness, he can give them a small trip to the Isles of Bishop 
 and Flip. On inquiring for Bob Looio, at the hatchways, any of the 
 screwi will direct you to my berth in the New Settlements. 
 
 " ONE OF THE FLEET." 
 
382 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 " Still punning," said ToM, " as full of fla&h and Oxford 
 slang as ever, and laughing at his misfortunes. Indeed, 
 Logic is a happy, lively fellow, and quite a philosopher. 
 We must not neglect him." " So say I," replied Hawthorn : 
 "let us, therefore, lose no time, my Coz, as I am very 
 anxious to see how the Oxonian bears confinement." Upon 
 the arrival of our heroes at the Fleet, the apartment of Logic 
 was fou»d without any diflaculty. Bob had scarcely caught 
 a glimpse of the Corinthian and Jerry, when he instantly 
 put out his hands to them, with as much glee as if he had 
 been at the Albany, singing the old chaunt of — 
 
 Welcome, welcome, trother debtor, 
 
 To this poor but merry place. 
 Where neither bailiff, dun, nor setter, 
 
 Dares to show his measly face. 
 
 " My boys," said Logic, " I am glad to see you, and I call 
 this visit manly and very kind." "I am sorry," answered 
 the Corinthian, " that things were not managed better, so 
 
 as to have prevented " " Do not mention it, my dear 
 
 Tom," replied Bob : " on the contrary, I feel indebted to my 
 friends for their attention towards me : they have, it seems, 
 thought my laming was not complete, and have again sent me 
 to College, to finish my education 1" " Do not treat it so lightly. 
 Logic," urged the Corinthiajst. "A sea full of tears, or 
 volumes of grief, cannot alter what has happened," said the 
 Oxonian ; " and I have no doubt it is all for the best, as, in 
 future, it is my intention to ' look into ' my affairs, instead of 
 ' looking over ' them. I am also convinced, that, with a little 
 care and management, my circumstances will soon be in such 
 a train that I shall ultimately recover myself, and profit from 
 my experience ; therefore, a truce to complaint. Let us spend 
 the day comfortably j and, in the evening, I will introduce 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING SHOP. 383 
 
 you both to my friend, the Haherdasher. He is a good whistler ; 
 and his shop always abounds with some prime articles that 
 you will like to look at." The trio was again complete ; and 
 a fine dinner, which the CORINTHIAN had previously ordered 
 from a coffee-house, improved their feelings ; a glass or two 
 of wine made them as gay as larks ; and a hint from Jerry 
 to Logic, about the WMsthr, brought them into the shop of 
 the latter in a twinkling. HAWTHORN, with great surprise, 
 
 said, " Where are we 1 this is no haherdasher' s. It is a " 
 
 " No nosing, Jerry," replied Logic, with a grin. " You are 
 wrong. The man is a dealer in tape ; " and then whispered 
 something into Hawthorn's ear, observing to him, at the 
 same time, " to cheese ^ it ! This is a fine picture resulting 
 from Life in London," continued the Oxonian; "and it is 
 here that you are compelled to mix with the remnants of all 
 classes of it, from the ruined hero, descending, step by step, 
 down to the very dregs of mankind. Disguise is not necessary 
 within these walls ; one man is as good as another : indeed, 
 they are all of so valuable a description," said Logic, with 
 a smile, " as to be put under the restraint of loch and hey, in 
 order to prevent the loss of a single individual. We look upon 
 each other as brothers in distress — fellow collegians, and, from 
 a kind of sympathy, unite to serve one another. The cleaned-out 
 Gambler — the dissipated Spendthrift — the Debauchee — 
 the extravagant, dishonest, fashionable, Tradesman — the pre- 
 tended Merchant — the pettifogging Lawyer — the fraudulent 
 Bankrupt — the hold Smuggler — the hrohen-doion Captain 
 — the roguishr— the foolish — the schemer — the sivindler — the 
 hypocrite — and the plausible, — the poor gentleman — and the 
 really well-meaning, but unfortunate fellow, all meet over a 
 glass of grog here, ' hail fellow, well met.' It might, my dear 
 
 ' Cut it, take no notice of it. — Slang, 
 
384 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Jerry, without offending propriety, be denominated a small 
 inxxf of London ; or a peep behind the curtain into the artifices, 
 trick, fraud, deception, ingenuity, and low cunning exercised 
 by the Debtors of the Metropolis, who haye had the ' best ' 
 of their creditors out of doors, and who now assemble to finish 
 the business, to make them have the ' worst of it ; ' or, in 
 other words, ultimately saddling their creditors with the whole 
 of the law-expenses. But this is not all : at the expiration of 
 a short time, they are once more enabled, with the utmost 
 nonclialance, to meet an old creditor with a new face, as if 
 nothing had transpired between them ; — such are the purifying 
 effects of being WHITE-WASHED ! And should the creditor 
 appear angry at this circumstance, or give vent to his feelings, 
 the debtor has only to cry out " Lethe." Jerry smiled at 
 this allusion. "It is almost as impossible to frame an act of 
 parliament accurate enough to draw that nice distinction 
 required between the honest and the fraudulent debtor, as it is 
 to make a law that cannot be evaded. It is true," observed 
 Logic, " a great many flats are brought in here ; but, such is 
 the liarmony of the place, that, in the course of three months, 
 they all go out as sharps. It is a complete school, and all the 
 ■ heads of the Whistling-Slwps are put together to decide upon 
 any knotty case, and also to give advice, if necessary, to the 
 individual seeking it. If not. Hawthorn, where is the utility 
 of going to College 1 Invention is continually on the rack, 
 and the principal study of each individual here is hoio to get 
 out." The annexed Plate is a most spirited accurate sketch 
 of the visitors at the Whistling-Shop, when Tom and Jerry 
 called in with LoGiO. The TRIO speak for themselves, where 
 the Oxoniaii is entertaining Hs Pals with anecdotes of his fellow 
 collegians. The hold Smuggler, who has often set wind and 
 weather at defiance, is blotving a cloud, and making himself 
 happy over some toj;e, in spite of the heavy sentence of the 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 385 
 
 law. The Gamblers, in lieu of Hazard, and Roiige-et-Noir, fill 
 up tlieir time with as much energy at "Put," so that they can 
 but keep the "game alive." The Haberdasher is busily em- 
 ployed in measuring out tape for his customers. The poor, 
 honest, but almost broken-hearted, tradesman near the door, 
 upon whose face misery is so strongly depicted, surrounded by 
 his unhappy but faithful wife and two children, is listening to 
 the affecting information that she has pledged the last article 
 she had left (his v,'aistcoat) for only eighteen-pence, in order to 
 purchase her a loaf. This is a rich little bit, and also equal to 
 anything of Hogarth's for its fidelity of nature and truth. The 
 Eacket-Players have just called in for a wliet and off again. 
 The poor AUTHOR, who is in the act of study, leaning his head 
 upon his hand on the mantelpiece, is another fine touch of the 
 artist. The face of the author bespeaks a heart full sore ; "and 
 his belly," said Logic, " has long been at variance with his 
 head, notwithstanding his vast portion of brains, in not pro- 
 viding for it better. He is not a bad poet either ; and, poor 
 feUow, he has just sent an article to one of the Editors of the 
 Magazines, in hopes that it will produce him the needful ; 1 and 
 ho is now between hopes and fears upon the subject, waiting 
 the return of his messenger. He has presented me with one 
 of his pieces against gambling, which, by the by, is rather 
 satirical upon us lads at the west end of the town ; but you 
 shall judge for yourself^ Jerry, as I have it in my pocket ; and 
 here it is : " — 
 
 THE GAMBLER. 
 
 The lamps refract the gleam of parting day, 
 
 The weary vulgar hail the friendly night, 
 The gamester hies him to his darling play, 
 
 And leads the way to deeds that shun the light. 
 
 ^ One of the numerous cant phrases for money. 
 
 2b 
 
386 LIFE IN L OND ON. 
 
 Now reigns a dreary stillness in each street. 
 And mortal feuds are hush'd in breathless calm, 
 
 Save where the votaries of Hodges meet, 
 And springing rattles sound the shrill alarm. 
 
 Save that from yonder lantern-lighted walk, 
 
 The drowsy watchman hawls with clam'rous din, 
 
 At such as stopping in the streets to talk. 
 Omit the tribute of a glass of gin. 
 
 Beneath that roof, that ruin-fraught retreat. 
 
 Where beams the fanlight o'er the guarded door, 
 
 Each wedg'd by numbers in his narrow seat. 
 The faithless gamblers chink their current ore. 
 
 The trist entreaties of impassion'd grief, 
 The piteous tale of family distress'd, 
 
 The stranger's ruin, or the friend's relief, 
 
 No more shall raise compassion in their breast. 
 
 For them no more the midnight rush shall burn, 
 Or wearied menial be detain'd from bed : 
 
 No wives expectant watch for their return. 
 Or anxious listen to each passing tread. 
 
 Oft do the purses of the victims fail. 
 
 Their fury oft on box and dice they wreak, 
 
 How jocund look they, if their luck prevail ! 
 
 How grand their manner when they deign to speak ! 
 
 Let not the legislator deem it harm. 
 
 That others trifle with the laws lie. breaks ; 
 
 Nor rich knaves hear, with counterfeit alarm. 
 That men distress'd will often maie mistajces. 
 
 The boast of honesty, the law's dread power. 
 And all that pride of feeling can achieve. 
 
 Await alike th' inevitable hour, — 
 
 The rage for gaming leads us all to thieve. . 
 
 Nor scorn, ye rulers of the state's finance, 
 
 The prompt expedients of these pilf 'ring scenes, 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 387 
 
 Where, thro' the aid of rapine, they enhance 
 The scanty budget of their ways and means. 
 
 Can stories sad, or supplicative grief. 
 
 Back to the owner bring his valued dross ? 
 Can blunt rebuffs administer relief. 
 
 Or aidless pity compensate his loss ? 
 
 Perhaps amidst that motley group there stand 
 Some who once graced far other scenes of life. 
 
 Dupes that have mortgaged the last rood of land. 
 Or lost the fortune of some hapless wife. 
 
 But rife examples, which bid wisdom think. 
 
 Their frantic folly never can appal. 
 Blind Av'rice leads them to the ruin's brink. 
 
 And dark despair accelerates their fall. 
 
 Full many a trinket, pledged for half the cost. 
 Hath raised the means of venturing <mci more : 
 
 Full many a watch is destined to be lost. 
 And run its time out in some broker's store. 
 
 Some fancy shirt-pin, that hath deck'd the breast, 
 On plaited cambric, starch'd in spruce array ; 
 
 Some ring, memento of a friend at rest ; 
 Some seal or snuff-box of a better day. 
 
 The servile tongues of borrowers to command, 
 
 The tributary dues of boxes to evade. 
 To spread the paper'd plunder in the hand. 
 
 And read their consequence in homage paid ; 
 
 Their luck forbids ; nor circumscribes alone 
 
 To them its evUs, but its range extends ; 
 Forbids the needful purchases at home. 
 
 And shuts the door of welcome on their friends ; 
 
 The petty processes of law to stop. 
 
 To prove how groundless are the landlord's fears, 
 Cr gain fresh credit at the chandler's shop, 
 
 By paying off the grocery arrears. 
 
388 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Far from all dreams of splendid opulence, 
 
 Their wish is answer'd if their way they clear ; 
 
 Well can they dine for twelve or thirteen pence, 
 Including waiter and a pint of beer. 
 
 Yet e'en their painful efforts to exist, 
 
 Some hnavcs in heart, as yet unshUVd to cheat. 
 
 With secret whisper, when a piece is miss'd. 
 Will strive from pique or envy to defeat. 
 
 Their names, their means, on which at large they dwell, 
 
 Invade at intervals the startled ear, 
 And many an anecdote in point they tell, 
 
 That teaches gaping novices to fear. 
 
 For who, to damn'd fatality a prey, 
 
 Gives his last piece without concern or pain, 
 
 Leaves the warm circle of the crowded play, 
 Nor asks the table if a chance remain ? 
 
 To some stanch friend is the decision left. 
 Some sturdy swearing the event requires ; 
 
 E'en the chous'd fools are conscious of the theft. 
 E'en on their oaths would not believe such liars. 
 
 For thee, who, absent from the wonted game, 
 
 Dost think these lines some pointed truths relate ? 
 
 If when is heard the mention of thy name, 
 Some fellow-sufferer shall ask thy fate ; 
 
 Haply some wight loquacious may reply, 
 
 " Oft times we met him at approach of night, 
 
 Brushing with haste along the streets hard by, 
 As if all matters were not going right. 
 
 " There, in some house, where charges are not high. 
 And penny candles shed a glimm'ring light. 
 
 He 'd give the maid some cheap-bought scrap to fry, 
 Of which he 'd eat with ravenous delight. 
 
 " There, in some corner, shunning to be seen, 
 He 'd draw his hat down o'er his prying eyes. 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 3^9 
 
 Or with a handkerchief his visage screen, 
 Like one who fear'd a caption by surprise. 
 
 " One night we miss'd him in his usual seat ; 
 
 We search'd both kitchen and the scullery ; 
 We search'd again, nor in his old retreat. 
 
 Nor at the Tun, nor at the Bell was he. 
 
 " At length a letter to discovery led. 
 
 With sep'rate notice serv'd at each friend's door. 
 
 Reminding his creditors he was not dead, 
 
 But meant to liiie to owe them something more." 
 
 LETTER. 
 
 Here rots in jail, with scarce one hope on earth, 
 A wretch that 's sacrificed to love of play ; 
 
 Success at first to golden dreams gave birth. 
 And fortune flatter'd only to betray. 
 
 Large were his losses, yet no loss deterr'd ; 
 
 Those mischiefs foUow'd, such as seldom fail ; 
 He gave his friends ('£ was all he'd left) his word ; 
 
 He gaiu'd by Hazard (as most do) a Jail. 
 
 Seek not his future prospects to reveal. 
 
 Nor draw conclusions to prejudge the fact ; 
 
 In anxious dread (which most of you, must feel), 
 He waits the ienefit of the Insolvent Act. 
 
 Tom and Jerry did not quit the company of Logic till tte 
 last bell was rung, and the cry of " strangers all out " rendered 
 it necessary: but, previous to which, Logic said, "I will very 
 soon give you a call. I have often been upon good terms with 
 myself : but now I am obliged to be upon terms with others." 
 "Alwajs punning, Bob," answered the Corinthian. "Well, 
 well, but without joking, if it was not so late, I would show 
 
390 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 you my horse, " ^ replied Logic. " You cannot keep a horse 
 here ! Come, that won't do, Bob." " I can't say so much, 
 perhaps, for a, filly," urged Hawthorn, smiling. "THERE 
 NEVER WAS SUCH TIMES AS THESE," said the Oxonian, 
 making up one of his funny faces ; " and I '11 bet you ' a rump 
 and a dozen ' that I not only keep a horse, but, what makes it 
 the more extraordinary, he is never hungry nor dry, nor does 
 he put me to the expense of a stable, he is of so accommodating 
 a disposition : and next time you see me at Corinthian House I 
 wiU show him to you." Logic accompanied his friends to the 
 gate, when the lock and key separated the TRIO ; but Tom and 
 Jerry promised a second visit in the course of a day or two. 
 
 On quitting the Fleet, the rain came down in torrents, and 
 our heroes were nearly wet through before they met with a 
 rattler to convey them to Tom's residence. Upon their arrival 
 at Corinthian House, Hawthorn complained of chilliness and 
 other unpleasant symptoms ; and the next morning he was so 
 unwell that he could not meet his Coz at breakfast. Jerry 
 did not like, but he was compelled, to send an excuse for his 
 absence ; he, however, promised to be down to dinner, observ- 
 ing to the slavey that he was only in want of a few hours' rest 
 to compose himself, in order to remove a slight cold. But a 
 screw was loose ; and two or three days passed over without 
 his being able to quit his room. Indeed, Jerry "kept it up," 
 iaprime style, to the last; and, although he was a little queer in 
 his health, he was too proud to notice it ; yet he now positively 
 began to droop — his spirits were getting very low — he was 
 
 * A cant phrase for " a day's rule," during TEKM time ; an indulgence 
 allowed by Act of Parliament to debtors, in order that they may not only 
 visit their friends and creditors, but be enabled to transact business with 
 more facility respecting their emancipation. 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 391 
 
 " out of wind " — " all to pieces " — the day and nigU loork had 
 been too much for him, and, all of a sudden, he was completely 
 " beat to a stand-still." Like most strong young men, he had 
 previously flattered himself that his constitution was able to 
 stand anything; indeed, HAWTHORN had been so actively 
 engaged since his arrival in the Metropolis, that he could not 
 spare the time to give his constitution an audience for only a 
 few minutes, but, like a creditor who has been put off from time 
 to time, at length gains a hearing, when the evil day can no 
 longer be resisted. It spoke to him so feelingly, that Jerry 
 consented to receive a visit from the Corinthian's physician, 
 Dr Please'em. 
 
 Tom, knowing the Oxonian's taste, immediately sent the 
 following _^as7i note to him : — 
 
 "Dear Bob, 
 
 "No more whistling for tis on hoard the Fleet 
 yet awMle. Poor Jeebt is Jloored 1 A cold has got the best of him ; and 
 he cannot quit his roost. Hawthorn is as jlat as a pancake ; therefore, 
 mount your frad and come to him without delay. Never mind your 
 spurs J but bring lots of spirits with you, as Jerkx is quite out of that 
 commodity : but Dr. Please'em has him in tow I 
 
 " Tom." 
 
 The Oxonian's answer, which the messenger returned to the 
 Corinthian, was short, but comprehensive : — 
 
 "Dear Tom, 
 
 " I '11 come to you like a shot, 
 
 "Bob." 
 
 Dr Please'em and Logic met together at Cminthian House, 
 and soon made their appearance in Jerry's apartment. This 
 celebrated doctor's acquaintance with men and manners 
 
392 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 rendered him so pleasant and jocular upon all occasions, that 
 he talked to his j)atients in their own way, and smiling in poor 
 Jerry's face, on feeling his pulse, observed, "My dear sir, 
 you hare been trotting too hard. As a good sportsman you 
 should have had more respect for your cattle. Your nag has 
 got the worst of it. You should have pulled up rather sooner ; 
 but I am in hopes that a small taste more of physic,^ and a 
 little training in the vicinity of IIaioth<yrn Hall will put you all 
 to rights again." 
 
 Jerry, although somewhat different in cJiarader from 
 
 Patience sitting on a monument 
 Smiling at grief, 
 
 pkicMd Up a little at the Doctor's cheering remedy ; but Logic's 
 first satiric salute tended rather to depress HAWTHORN'S feel- 
 ings, on observing, " My dear boy, this is indeed meeting an 
 OLD FRIEND with a WW face. What has become of that athletic 
 broad hack which so tickled Mr Primefit, when he first took 
 measure of your person? Where are those lusty shoulders, 
 that fine ruddy huntsman's countenance, which so much attracted 
 Lady Wanton in the Park ? those round inns that enabled 
 you to vault over a five-barred gate, or to run a mile in five 
 minutes when at Haiotlwrn Rail?" Poor Jerry shook his 
 head and attempted to smile ; but he was too ill to relish these 
 joJces. " Come, Jerry, never mind, give us the view lialloo," 
 continued LoGiC, smiling ; " you are not beat yet, only a little 
 touched in the vnnd. Two birds out of the TRIO have been 
 caught — you are winged, Jerry, and poor Bob's caged." Here 
 Jerry laughed in spite of himself at these allusions. " But 
 
 1 Logic whispered to Tom, with a grin, " That the number of bottles on 
 the mantelpiece (as represented in the Plate) did not exactly agree with 
 the Doctor's idea of a ' small taste of physic I ' " 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 393 
 
 ■where were your P's and Q's upon this occasion? Had you no 
 friend near you (smiling and nodding at the Corinthian) to 
 whisper into your ear ' Lethe % ' My dear friend, do not 
 complain '; a man cannot eat his cake and have it. It is all 
 the fortune of war : the ])am you feel is but little in comparison 
 with the lots oi pleasure you have enjoyed ; indeed, the balance 
 is considerably in your favour. It is true, that my friend 
 Tom has observed, Life in London is death; but, 
 Jerry, that is not your case at present. You will be as 
 alive and leaping as ever on your return to the country, if 
 you call to your RECOLLECTION the variety of rich scenes 
 you have witnessed during your short stay in the Metropolis ; 
 and go over in your mind the introduction to Mr Primefit, 
 and the gay show in Hyde Park ; the anecdotes and stroll 
 in the Saloon ; taldng Blue PMin in the Sluiceries ; 
 the larh at the Coffee-Shop ; the spree and gammon 
 before Old Snoozy ; the feeling Jarvis, the good Beak, 
 and the unfortunate Cypria,n at Bow Street ; the 
 Art of Self-Defence at Mr Jackson's Eooms ; drinking 
 Punch out of the Champion of England's Cup ; winning 
 your Money on Jacco Maccaco ; getting the best of a 
 Charley ; a look in at Tattersall's ; the gay Moments with 
 Corinthian Kate and the lovely Sue ; the Assault at O'Shau- 
 nessy's ; the Old Fortune-Teller ; the grandeur and 
 imposing appearance of Carlton Palace ; the Eow in 
 Leicester Fields with the Peep o'Day Boys ; the Morning 
 of Execution — Finish of some sort of Life in London ; the 
 interesting groups of Merchants at the Royal Exchange; 
 — principally the Architects of their own Fortunes ; the rich 
 Contrast of Characters at ALL-MAX and ALMACK'S ; the 
 EoYAL Cock-Pit ; the gammon and trying it on qualities of the 
 Swell Broad Coves; the Humour and Fun at the Grand 
 Carnival; Don Giovanni and the Green-Eoom; tasting 
 
394 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 Wine in the Wood, ; the Opera House ; making the most of 
 a Night at Vauxhail ; a shilling well laid out at the Royal 
 Academy; masquerading it among the Cadgers; poor Bob 
 blown up at Point NorirPlus; the chequered Scene of Mankind 
 at a Whistling-Shop ; and, by way of a climax, my dear 
 Jerry, think of yourself ' beat to a STAND-STILL,' and 
 the emphatic words of the Poet : — 
 
 Ah, me ! sic transit gloria mundi — 
 
 Such things will be till morn and eundie, 
 And earth our ashes, our pale embers cover : 
 
 And really, when we sum up ALL, 
 
 What 's LIFE ? — a blast — a little squall. — 
 Death's calm must come at last, and all is OVER — 
 
 All in our tomb 's in peace — not ONE 
 
 To read ' Hio jaoet,' on the stone." 
 
 The Corinthian endeavoured to support the arguments of 
 Logic, and said, " his Coz was worth a hundred dead ones ; 
 and if Hawthorn paid attention to himself for a few days, in 
 all probability he would be able very soon to set out for 
 Hawthorn Hall." "I sincerely hope so,'' echoed Logic, " and 
 if he does not return to the country, exactly in such sound 
 health as when he left it, how much better, may I ask, does 
 Jerry return both in experience and in mind. His constitution 
 may be renovated on his arrival at Jiome, where his intellects 
 might have no chance of improvement. His view of Society, 
 since his intercourse with the Metropolis, is more enlarged ; 
 he has mixed with the good and bad of all sorts ; he has seen 
 the most virtuous and the most depraved of mankind, in their 
 true colours. The advantages resulting from the connexions 
 with the one, and the evils arising from associating with the 
 other, have been clearly pointed out to him, with the most 
 beneficial effects. He has been an apt scholar ; and, malting 
 some allowance for the effervescence of youth, I most candidly 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 395 
 
 pronounce him a materially improved young man from his en 
 jMssant review of Life in London." 
 
 The Oxonian, previously to taking leave of Jerky, observed 
 to the slavey, with a grin upon his mug, who was warming the 
 bed, to " tuck up her young master comfortably, and not to 
 let him want for anything, as he was sure the young Squire 
 would requite her services liberally." Then, turning to Jekry, 
 in order to keep up his spirits, Logic commenced the following 
 lively air : — 
 
 Oh ! there 's nothing in Ufe can sadden us, 
 
 While we have wine and good-humour in store, 
 With this and a little of love to madden us, 
 
 Show me the fool that can labour for more. 
 Come, then, bid Ganymede fill ev'ry bowl for you, 
 
 Fill them up brimmers, and drink as I call ; 
 I'm going to toast every nymph of my soul for you, 
 
 Ay, in my soul, I 'm in love with them aU. 
 Deab Ckeatukes ! we can't live without them; 
 
 They 're all that is sweet and seducing to man, 
 Looking, sighing, about and about them ; 
 
 We DOAT on them, die for them, ail that we can. 
 
 " My dear Goz," said Jerky, " do not forget to let me have 
 a part of the Manuscript you promised me (the Programme of 
 your Ballot of Action), as it will tend to pass away many dull 
 hours during my illness." " I will look for it in the Library, 
 and send it you instantly," replied ToM. The Oxonian and 
 Tom took their departure, begging Jerry to have a little 
 patience, and to keep up his spirits. Hawthorn was soon put 
 in possession of the following Manuscript, which he began 
 to peruse rather eagerly : — 
 
 THE HERO OP THE CAVERN. 
 
 The family of Cipbiani was one of the most renowned in Italy, and 
 neai'ly related to the Doge of Venice : throughout its long line of ancestry, 
 
396 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 its uniform character had been brave in war, generous in disposition, and 
 virtuous in principle. The Maequis felt all the energies of his great pro- 
 genitors, and in himself was looked up to as the pride of the nobility ; hia 
 manners, though extremely conciliating, were nevertheless dignified, — and 
 his vast affluence, united with a liberality of mind, made hia palace the 
 epitome of elegance and grandeur. 
 
 The Maechioness was extremely beautiful in person, and could also 
 boast of a genealogy equal to the Marquis ; and while her affability and 
 condescension were the universal theme, her cultivated mind was the 
 admiration of those circles in which she moved. A unity of sentiment 
 pervaded the breasts of the Maequis and Marchioness : — love had taken 
 sovereign possession of their hearts ; and the sordid idea of adding to 
 their coat of arms, or extending their estates, never made its way into 
 the contract. They saw and were enamoured with each other ; and no 
 obstacles operating against their union, the Makqdis led the lovely 
 Isabella, at the age of seventeen, to the altar of Hymen, to cement that 
 attachment which had previously been the immediate object of their 
 souls. 
 
 The Maequis and Marchioness were the patterns of connubial felicity, 
 and their wishes were crowned with a son and daughter. Eosalvi was 
 under the superintendence of the Marquis, whose constant study was 
 to instil into his youthful mind correct principles and true notions of 
 honour, as the only basis on which great characters can be formed ; while 
 the Marchioness, equally attentive to the gentle Isabella, enriched her 
 youthful ideas in the paths of virtue, which so dignify and elevate the 
 female sex. Their assiduities were repaid ; and the Maequis and Mar- 
 chioness congratulated each other on the improvement of their offspring. 
 Time imperceptibly stole away : — Rosalvi was fast approaching to man- 
 hood, and Isabella was assuming that appearance which " awakens the 
 soul to love ! " Their parents saw it with secret gratification ; and the 
 Maequis, in the fulness of his joy, was determined to celebrate the return 
 of his marriage-day with uncommon pomp and magnificence, in order that 
 his son and daughter might be introduced to the world, in the true style 
 of splendour becoming the ancient house of Cipriani. Invitations were 
 given to the nobles around, and it was a scene of true hospitality and 
 festivity. 
 
 The Palace of Cipriani was the seat of happiness ; and it wa.s bo 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 397 
 
 strongly protected by mutual confidence, that jealousy had never even 
 assailed the outworks : to gain an entrance seemed impracticable. 
 
 Thus were the noble family of Cipmani situated, when Count Louis, 
 from Paris, made his appearance amongst them. His figure, by its fine 
 symmetry, was truly commanding; his lively air and graceful manners 
 were equally fascinating ; and the elegance of his apparel was studiously 
 calculated to improve and give effect to his person. The Count could 
 not fail in proving attractive : he had been reared without control, and 
 travelled to improve his taste, but not to cultivate his mind. His ideas 
 were vitiated ere they began to expand ; and his early intercourse with the 
 depraved part of society had so corrupted his morals, that sensuality was 
 the extent of his pursuit. His language had all the glare and pomp of 
 sentiment, while his feelings were cold and deliberate. He completely 
 deceived the unwary, while the best-informed were deluded by his specious 
 candour. The Count was the model of art — Natube was exiled from his 
 composition — and he possessed the exterior of a man, without those 
 requisites which constitute the human being. Those little sensibilities 
 that operate so powerfully upon the constitution, in giving the courage of 
 a lion, or the subduing meekness of the lamb, were usurped by the 
 callous : in short, he was a complete master of finesse ; and in raising a 
 passion ra another's bosom, without feeling the same emotion, he might 
 be termed a proficient. The plans of the Count were so artfully con- 
 cealed, that they were seldom frustrated ; and his plausibility of demeanour 
 defied all suspicion. Wherever he meditated an overthrow he was but too 
 successful ; and when happiness seemed conspicuous, nothing short of 
 destruction would satisfy him. His conquests had hitherto been so easily 
 obtained, that he was satiated with his own achievements ; as his routine 
 of company had been marked more by the loose and gay votaries of 
 pleasure, than with the rational and domestic intercourse of those persons 
 who cherish armtsements as the pleasing medium of relaxing and invigorating 
 their understandings. The proud situation of the Makohioness, and her 
 distinguished virtue, fired his lustful ambition. The object was daring, 
 but his pride was insurmountable. The Count had never yet retreated. 
 The greater the obstacles to which he was opposed, the more ardour he 
 evinced ; and so determined was he in his mind, that sooner than appear 
 insignificant in his own eyes, he would obtain victory even if it cost him 
 his existence. He was the bane of society in those circles in which he 
 moved : and such was the character that had found its way into the Palace 
 
 of CiPEIAKI ! 
 
398 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 His letters of recommendation (from a warm and long-attached friend of 
 the Maeqdis, and who had been completely duped as to the real character 
 of the Count) gained him the respect of the whole family. His insinuating 
 address, his elegant conversation, and lively sallies of wit, rendered him the 
 life of the company ; and with his talent for dissimulation, he so soon in- 
 gratiated himself into their confidence and good wishes, that he was 
 entreated to make the palace his residence till necessity compelled him to 
 depart. 
 
 When he first saw the Maechioness he was struck motionless with her 
 beautiful and interesting appearance ! His hitherto frigid heart, for the 
 first time, felt something like a tumult i It was about to experience a 
 change. The deliberate conqueror was lost in the restless captive ! and he 
 trembled at losing his power ! The Couht scarcely recovered from the 
 shock, when he planned the destruction of the Marchioness. His in- 
 vention was on the rack, as the execution of his scheme required the 
 most delicate mode of assault. The Mabohioness was not to be won by 
 the common forms of gallantry ; and the Count was too great an adept 
 not to be aware that it would require some study to discover the vulnerable 
 points on which he might commence his plans without the danger of being 
 defeated ! 
 
 From displaying the greatest vivacity, of a sudden he became pensive, 
 much dejected, and preferred solitude to company. It was noticed by the 
 whole family with regret. Some days elapsed in the continuation of this 
 conduct, when one evening, as the Makohioness was taking the air alone 
 in the garden, turning down one of the walks, she heard a sigh ! and, on 
 looking up, beheld the unhappy attitude of the Count. He appeared as 
 if lost in a reverie ! The Mabohioness beheld his altered form with 
 astonishment ! — ^his countenance betrayed the workings of inward grief ! — 
 and so sudden a change could not but arrest her attention ! The Mar- 
 chioness approached the Count, and, with that tender solicitude which 
 adorned her character, anxiously inquired the cause of his wretchedness ? 
 The Count paused — looking wildly round him : at length, in trembling 
 accents, he thus addressed her : — ■ 
 
 "Beautiful Marchioness ! — Behold a wretch doomed to perpetual misery I 
 In vain have I endeavoured to sup2ircss a fruitless passion, which has nearly 
 consumed me : hut Tou have commanded and I must obey. lovely pair 
 one ! your beauty and accomplishments have ruined my peace of mind I " 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 399 
 
 The Maeohioness started with surprise and indignation, but, instantly 
 recovering herself, threatened to make the Maequis immediately ac- 
 quainted with the daring insult. The Count fell on his knees, shed a 
 torrent of tears, and in the most supplicating tone solicited pardon : — 
 ^''Amiable Maeohioness ! Forgive that unhappy man whose only crime is 
 in loving one whose powerful attractions have hroTcen down all his resolves. 
 Pity rather than condemn I I will instantly quit the palace ; and seeh some 
 obscure comer of the world : death to me will prove a friendly ioon, and 
 my last words shall invoke a Messing on thee I " The tenderness of the sex 
 prevailed ; believing his manner sincere, his pardon was granted, and the 
 Maeohioness hastily withdrew from so dangerous a situation. 
 
 The Count's eyes flashed with fire, and he congratulated himself that 
 he had made some impression. The Maeohioness returned to the Palace 
 agitated ; but, fearful of the consequences, she did not communicate the 
 fatal disclosure to the Maeqdis. The Maeohioness iad loved her hus- 
 band with a conjugal affection which could not be surpassed ; and never 
 till that moment did her bosom feel the slightest alarm. She examined 
 her heart, and found it true to its lord and master ; she meditated no 
 dereliction ; and thought herself too confident in her position. The crime 
 of the Count was — lovb ! and was it a crime to avow what all Venice 
 loudly declared the Maeohioness to be, "the most beautiful of her sex ! " 
 FtATTEET became his apologist — selt-vanity pitied his youthful admi- 
 ration ; and this dangerous palliation of an offence, in the first instance, 
 ultimately proved the dreadful overthrow of the Maeohioness. 
 
 The Count's pretended wretched state of mind, on lier account, agitated 
 the feelings of the Maeohioness : his stay was protracted ; and he was too 
 great an adept in artifice to be dismayed at one denial! The Count, 
 therefore, ventured to repeat his unlawful passion ; and he flattered him- 
 self that he had not met with so severe a rebuke. His poison, he per- 
 ceived, had taken a, small eft'ect ; and contamination, he hoped, would 
 soon follow. He was but too successful. The slightest look of the 
 Maeohioness was now magnified by the Count into cruelty and in- 
 difference; and he had the boldness to remark that the most trifling 
 negligence was coldness and disdain. The Maechioness's nights were 
 restless, and her days irksome. Her serenity of mind was gone. The 
 Count observed it with horrible ezultatiou ; and no sophistry was left 
 untried to facilitate his guilty purpose. Eveiy day the Marchioness's 
 resolution became more warped ; till at length the artifices of the CoUNT 
 
400 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 prevailed, and she tecame the innocent victim of his treachery, In one 
 dreadful moment — her honour, virtue, and spotless fame were dethroned ! 
 The sight of her injured lord was worse to her than death ; and, to avoid 
 that meeting, she closed her wretchedness by flight. 
 
 The absence of the Mabohioness, together with the abrupt departure 
 of the Count, too soon developed the horrid circumstance to the Marquis. 
 The shock was too much for him : he lost his manhood, his faculties were 
 convulsed, and he was the most miserable of men ! The reflection was 
 terrific. The companion of his youth ; the mother of his lovely children ; 
 and the pride of his heart ; — all, in one moment, lost to him for ever ! 
 Dreadful reverse, thus to be plunged from the summit of happiness to the 
 abyss of misery ! 
 
 KosALVi underwent a thousand afSioting sensations. The circumstance 
 of his beloved mother having become so abandoned, shook him to the 
 centre. The tender affectionate Isabella was inconsolable. The chasm 
 occasioned by the flight of her wretched parent was awful. They could 
 not look upon each other without emotion. They were the sad mirrors of 
 grief and distraction ! The Makquis embraced his son and daughter, 
 while the involuntary tear stole down his noble countenance ; his sensi- 
 bilities had nearly exhausted his heart, but his injuries gave him animation 
 to seek redress, and in a paroxysm of rage he drew his sword. EosALVi 
 followed the example of his father; but the Makquis enjoined him to 
 remain, and pointed to Isabella for his protection. He then wildly 
 sallied forth. 
 
 The Count was aware that, during the existence of the Maequis, there 
 might be a possibility of his losing the Makohioness. She might also 
 repent and wish to return to her injured family ; or the power of the 
 Makquis might take her from him, and place her in a convent. His 
 diabolical pride caught the alarm, and only in the death of the Makquis 
 he thought his object would be gained — the security of the Mabohioness. 
 No time, therefore, was to be lost. Bravoes were hired to watch and 
 assassinate him ; but so eager was the Count for the execution of his plan 
 that he arrived at the spot before the assassins, and the Maeqdis must 
 have escaped their vengeance had not the Count attacked him suddenly 
 and mortally wounded him, then making his escape unnoticed. Some 
 passengers, shortly afterwards, discovered the Makquis weltering in his 
 blood, and conveyed him to his palace. 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 401 
 
 The Count hastened back to the Makchioness, and with cold and 
 deliberate exultation related his murderous achievement. With insulting 
 mockery, he wished her to visit and console the feelings of the dying 
 Makqdis ! But for this mark of his liberality, it must be understood that 
 she must return immediately, on pain of his vengeance. The Count con- 
 gratulated himself, with a sneer, that she was now riveted to him, and 
 could not look for shelter anywhere but in the arms of her seducer and 
 the murderer of her lord. Affection was not yet extinct in the Mak- 
 CHlONESs's bosom. For the moment, she lost sight of her crime, and 
 impatiently flew to the presence of her expiring husband. The Count 
 observed her anxiety with indignation. It rankled in his proud heart, on 
 perceiving that every spark of rememlrance was not yet eradicated from the 
 breast of the Marchioness, and that he alone was not the only attraction. 
 
 The meeting of the Maequis and Maechioness was so truly afflicting 
 that description fails in attempting to repeat it. The Maechioness gained 
 the palace, and rushed into the chamber with the wildness of a maniac. 
 She beheld the once happy partner of her life in the struggles of death, 
 and the unfortunate Isabella consoling the last moments of her beloved 
 father, and weeping over him. The sudden appearance of the Mab. 
 CHIONESS flashed across his disordered brain like a phantom ; and, from 
 the dreadful agony with which his mind was torn, the Marquis fainted. 
 The Maechioness gave way to despair. The scene before her awfully 
 pointed out to her the nature of her offen'ce, — the honour of the Maequis 
 sullied ; his family disgraced ; and, to close the horrid catastrophe, 
 deprived of his life ; and all these dreadful circumstances occasioned by 
 his depraved wife. Terrible reflection ! Her nerves were too weak to 
 bear up against the contending passions that raged within her bosom : her 
 heart nearly burst with agony : her senses seemed bewildered ; and her 
 violent screams of frantic horror once more restored the Maequis to his 
 faculties. The remorse of the Maechioness sensibly affected him, and 
 his noble soul pitied her wretchedness. Love was not yet extinct in the 
 heart of the Marquis ; but it was too late to expostulate with her on her 
 conduct. The icy hand of Death had seized on his nearly exhausted frame ; 
 and the Maequis had scarcely time to articulate, "Instantly quit your 
 seducer for ever / Retire from Venice with your daxighter 1 Teach her the 
 vxiys of virtue ; and pray for forgiveness." The Maequis gasped for 
 breath, and the Marchioness, suffering under the most excruciating 
 misery, exclaimed, "I WILL!" The Marquis joined the hand of 
 
 2C 
 
402 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 IsABELtA in her mother's, and, pointing to heaven, uttered "Svxar/" 
 The Marchioness, in the fervour of the moment, dreadfully impressed 
 with the horror of her crime, " gwore to leave her seducer, and bring up 
 Isabella in tlie paths of virtue I " The Maeqots felt composed, and with 
 a placid smile and resignation at this step towards atonement, pronounced 
 her pardon and expired ! It was an awful moment, and every apartment 
 of the palace seemed to upbraid her with her infamy. The dying groans 
 of the Makquis still echoed through her brain ; and it was not until the 
 arrival of a servant from the Count, who had made his way into the palace 
 in disguise, that her distracted attention was called to depart/ The 
 Marquis was no more ; and the note from the Count threatened her life 
 if she refused to obey his orders. In a moment of terror she returned to 
 the society of one for whom she had sacrificed every other consideration. 
 Her guilty passion prevailed. Eejlection was madness ! Propriety had long 
 been banished from her conduct ! and the terrible effects of her oath 
 were, for a short time, lost sight of in the corrupt embraces of her infernal 
 and malignant seducer. 
 
 EoSALVl, after seeing the remains of his illustrious father deposited in 
 the tomb of his ancestors, departed from the palace in the dead of the 
 night, unknown to any of his domestics ; and when the sun rose he 
 shunned the face of every human being. He thought the finger of scorn 
 was held up to him as he passed along ; and, casting a farewell look on the 
 proud dome of the Palace of Cipriani, he exclaimed, " Never will I return 
 lUl my honour is revenged I" His noble heart was nearly rent asunder 
 when he reflected on the high repute in which his family had stood for 
 centuries ; both his father and mother models for imitation ; and his own 
 entrance into life marked by disgrace and infamy. His noble nature 
 recoiled at the bare idea of these dreadful circumstances, and produced 
 paroxysms of rage and melancholy which rendered him insensible to his 
 future welfare ! He travelled he knew not whither, until, overcome by 
 fatigue and wretchedness, he threw himself prostrate on the earth ! It 
 was in this state he was found by a daring banditti, who had long infested 
 that part of the country. They viewed Rosalvi with surprise, and 
 instantly demanded his purse and sword. He resisted their demand with 
 such dauntless intrepidity, that several of them felt the imprudence of 
 their attack ; and he did not resign the contest till the superiority of 
 numbers compelled him, by depriving him of his weapon. His life was a 
 burden to him : he solicited the banditti to put an end to his existence ; 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 403 
 
 and, without fear, presented his breast to their swords ! They were as- 
 tonished at his courage ; and his manly and dignified appearance awed them 
 into respect. The captain of the banditti had recently fallen, and, without 
 hesitation, they wished him to be their leader, and promised him obedience. 
 R08ALVI, who had forsworn the world, embraced their proposal without 
 a second thought, and instantly marched off with them to their cavern. 
 
 Isabella's cup of misery was full indeed. Her father killed — aban- 
 doned by her mother — and her brother fled from her presence, the Palace 
 of Cipriani, once the delight of her youth, when animated by her relatives, 
 was now rendered odious to her sight. Her situation was truly lament- 
 able : a wretched helpless female, having no one to look up to for succour, 
 and surrounded by strangers. Her residence, therefore, filled her with the 
 most poignant distress ; and, to dissipate her grief, she felt the enthusiastic 
 notion of going, disguised as a cavalier (to make her plan more successful), 
 supported by some of her trusty domestics, in search of her faithless 
 mother, to reclaim her, if possible, and also to place her in a convent for 
 the remainder of her life, in order that she might make some atonement 
 for her offences. Leaving the palace under the care of proper persons, 
 Isabella set out on her journey, animated with the arduous enterprise in 
 which she had engaged. 
 
 RoSALVl, when alone, was dejected, and deeply felt his dreadful change, 
 in respect to the situation he was intended to occupy in society. From 
 being the first noble in the state, he was now reduced to the acknowledged 
 leader of a band of robbers; — alarming degradation! An outlaw! But 
 to whom was he indebted for this change? His mother! His blood 
 would freeze with horror at the remembrance, and he welcomed death as 
 his only friend. The banditti observed it ; but he assured them they 
 were giiefs of a private nature that thus harassed him. The banditti 
 were satisfied, and pitied his sorrows. His honour was so conspicuous, 
 that his orders never occasioned the slightest murmur ; and his peremptory 
 charge to them, "never to lose sight of humanity .'" was obeyed. He was 
 literally adored by the gang, and they had never been so invulnerable 
 until he had become their leader ! 
 
 The ConNT and Marchioness lived in a continual state of alarm, for 
 fear of discovery. Misery was their principal guest : sleep was banished 
 from their adulterous couch, and terrifying dreams haunted their imagina- 
 tions. They also looked upon each other with disdain. The Count, tired 
 of his conquest, would have discarded the Marchioness, but the terror 
 
404 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 for Lis owu preservation compelled him to remain in her presence. Fas- 
 cination was no longer in their possession, and the Maechioness now 
 viewed her seduoek with disgust, — the MURDERER of her lord, with 
 horror, — and the wretch who had caused her to break her OATH, in the 
 shape of an infernal ! But their crimes were so interwoven, that 
 separation must create alarm : and thus they lived together, the object of 
 each other's detestation. Continually changing their place of residence, 
 they travelled all the by-ways of the country, to avoid being pursued, and 
 were attended by only one servant. In one of those excursions they 
 were surprised by the banditti ; the Count fought desperately, but was, 
 at length, overpowered, and they were both conducted to the cavern. 
 Isabella and her little party were also taken by another detachment of 
 the gang, and soon found themselves the inmates of the same prison ! 
 
 RoSALVl, in viewing the captives, soon recognised his faithless parent 
 and the murderer of his father. Struck with horror at such an unexpected 
 meeting, he rushed upon the Count with a terrible impetuosity, exclaim- 
 ing, " Monster of iniquity I thank Heaven I have found tliee at last ! thou 
 shalt not escape my vengeance I draw, and defend thyself I " Disdaining 
 unmanly revenge, and with a. generosity bespeaking his noble heart, he 
 commanded the banditti not to interfere ! A desperate fight ensued, and 
 the Count fell dead at his feet. He viewed the body with a wild and 
 terrific satisfaction ; but, in turning to his mother, his reason forsook him, 
 and at the instant he was about to plunge his sword, reeking with the 
 blood of the Count, into her bosom, Isabella rushed between them, 
 pitifully uttering, " Oh, spare my mother ! " Rosalvi's feelings returned. 
 His sword dropped from his hand, and he embraced his sister. The Mar- 
 chioness fainted on witnessing this dreadful catastrophe and heart-breaking 
 interview ; but on her recovery she solicited her children to be sent to a 
 convent, that she might pass the remainder of her days in penitence. 
 EosALVl immediately quitted the banditti, after admonishing them to 
 return to a virtuous course of life; placed his mother in a religious house; 
 and, with IsABELiA, threw himself at the feet of the Doge, who granted 
 him a free pardon ; and Eosalvi and the lovely Isabella once more were 
 reinstated in the palace of their ancestors. 
 
 Ill the course of a short time, from the unremitted attention 
 and skill of Dr. Please' EM; the care and anxiety of the prime 
 Old Nurse to get her master's cousin again on his legs, and 
 
THE HUMOURS OF A WHISTLING-SHOP. 405 
 
 the industrious good-natured young Slavey to fetch and carry 
 everything for him like a fond Spaniel ; the constant visits 
 from the COEINTHIAN to cheer him up ; and the enlivening 
 calls of the Oxonian to laugh him out of his complaint ; 
 Jerky was so far recovered as to make the necessary 
 preparations for his return to Hawtliorn Hall; and Logic, 
 in order to take his farewell of Jekry, was obliged 
 once more to employ his White Pony. It was not long 
 before the morning arrived that was to separate the TRIO ; 
 " But let us hope not for ever," said the Oxonian to Jerry, 
 giving him a hearty shake of the hand ; " and believe me. 
 Hawthorn, I wish you as well as one man can wish 
 another : and the only favour in return which I ask of 
 you, Jerry, in your retirement is, that whenever you peruse 
 any shipping intelligence, think of Poor Bob on ' board 
 the Fleet.' " " If," replied Jerry, " you should ever find me 
 to have forgotten the kindness, the attention, and the valuable 
 information which I have so repeatedly received from the 
 honest-hearted, merry Bob Logic, then think that Hawthorn 
 ceases to have an existence, and that he is not worthy of 
 being enrolled in the circle of your friends. But, Bob, if you 
 beheve there is anything like Life OUT OF London, and 
 you can quit the Metropolis to spend a month or two with me 
 at Hawtlwrn Hall, rest assured that I shall feel it a duty 
 incumbent on me to render your time agreeable and happy." 
 "Stop, stop, my dear Jerry," replied Logic; "recollect that 
 my horse will not carry me quite so far at present. It is true 
 he is accommodating enough in London ; but I am not on such 
 good terms with him, as to travel upwards of one hundred and 
 twenty miles with safety." ^ 
 
 ' It has teen asserted that the Rules of the Fleet have extended to the 
 East Indies; but Logic thought if there was a precedent for such extension, 
 it was a had one, and he did not mean to risk it. 
 
406 LIFE IN LONDON. 
 
 The White Horse Cellar, Piccadilly, was now the parting- 
 scene, and the hand of the clock pointed very near to the time for 
 the departure of the coach. The bustle of this place prevented 
 the TRIO from much conversation ; but the separation of such 
 stanch pals was rather a trying moment to the feelings of poor 
 Jerry : and though he was above blubbering like a Johnny Raw, 
 yet his heart was rather touched, and his ogles underwent some 
 queer sensations, which he endeavoured to suppress, when Coachj 
 asked " if all was right,'' and began to smack his whip. 
 
 The hearty grasps of the hand, and the good-byes were over 
 between Hawthorn and his pals, and Tom and Logic were 
 only waiting to see the coach start, when Jerry, with much 
 eagerness of expression, as if he had forgotten to mention the 
 circumstance previously, said, " My dear Coz " — but the coach 
 was now fast rattling over the stones, and the last broken 
 sentence which the ear of the CORINTHIAN caught was, " Men- 
 tion me in the kindest manner to the lovely Sue ; tell her I 
 am only gone into training, and in the course of a few weeks I 
 shall most certainly return to London to enjoy a few more 
 Sprees (which I have so unexpectedly been deprived of), and 
 also to have with her the pleasure of another game at" ■ 
 
 THE END. 
 
This day, choicely printed, pp. 600, price 7s. 6d., 
 
 HISTORY OF PLAYING CARDS, 
 
 AND THE VAEIOUS GAMES CONNECTED WITH THEM, 
 With Some Account of Card Conjuring, 
 
 oi:.iD-F.A.sia:ioKrEaD teioiss. 
 
 SPECIMEN ILLUSTRATION OF THE SIXTY CURIOUS ENGRAVINOS. 
 
 WITH ANECDOTES OF 
 
 Skill and Sleight of Hand. 
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 Cartomancy and Cheating. 
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 Card Revels and Blind Hookey. 
 Picquet and Vingt-et-un, 
 Whist and Cribbage. 
 Old-Fashioned Tricks. 
 
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This day, pp. 328, in 8vo, price 63. 6d., by post 7s., 
 NEW DICTIONARY OF COLLOQUIAL ENGLISH. 
 
 SLANG DICTIONARY; 
 
 OB, 
 
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 of High and Low Society ; 
 
 Many with their Etymology, and a few with their History traced. 
 WITH CURIOUS ILLUSTRATIONS. 
 
 Egyptian Bieroglypkic Verb, 
 to be drunk, showing the am 
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 under Brbakt Leo (viz 
 Strong Drink) in the Diction 
 ary, p. 81. 
 
 Wedge and Wooden Spoon, 
 See p. 272. 
 
 See Two upon Ten, 
 the Dictionary, p. 264 
 
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 THE TRUE CONSOLER. 
 
 HB who doth not iiDaka ImOi .itlin 
 knixrn KO (lut in>r>. or nfuislh 
 llmuU the mnflut coii.olntlon. nett (a 
 %h»» wliich cnmci fn>m b«Teii -WLmt 
 hIUt iLin Tn.wLji^" iihiapen the yoiing 
 
 di t» nutlio . .^ ._ 
 
 iKide. 1h« weed >n U.at. Jui.itcr. bang 
 
 lut thy balunc*. .nd vaiih Ihcm Lioih ; 
 
 id if than ciirc Iha prclcruin to woman, 
 
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 ihH—O Jopitcr I Uy ih« wud. 
 
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 Jianghing Philosopher (The), consisting of several 
 
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 Tom and Jerry taking a ttrolL 
 
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 LIFE OF A SFOBTSMAN. BY NIMBOD. 
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 153" The poet Longfellow thus anticipates this charming book : — " Live 
 ever, sweet, sweet book. It comes from the hand of a man of genius. 
 Kverything about it has the freshness of morning and May." 
 
 John Camden Botien, 74 cmd 75, Piecadilh/, W. j 
 
VERY IMPORTAN'l NEW BOOKS. 
 
 SeymoTir's Sketches. A Companion Volume to, 
 
 "LeeoVs Pictureg." The Boot of Cociney Sports, WMms, and 
 Oddities. Nearly loo highly amusiDg lUustratious. Oblong 4to, a 
 handsome Tolnme, half morocco, price I23. 
 
 *** A re-issue of the famous pictorial comicalities wliich were so popular tliirty years aga Thu 
 ▼olumo is admirably adapted for a table-book, and t!ie pictures will doubtless a^in meet with thai 
 popularity which was extended towards them when the artiBti)rojected with Mr. Dickens the famous 
 *' Pickwick Papers." 
 
 The Famous "DOCTOR STNTAX'S" Three Tours. 
 
 One of the most Amnsing and Laughable Boots ever published. With 
 the whole of Eowlandson's very droll fall-page illustrations, in colows, 
 after the original d/rawings. Comprising the weU-tnown ToxjES :— 
 
 1. In Search of the Picturesijue. 
 
 2. In Search of Consolation. 
 
 3. In Search of a Wife. 
 
 The three series complete and unabridged from the original editions 
 in one handsome volume, with a Lite of this industrious Author — the 
 English Le Sage — now first written by John Camden Eotten. 
 
 *#* It is not a little surprising that the most voluminous and popular 
 English writer since the days of Defoe should never before have received 
 the small honour of a biography. This Edition contains the whole of 
 the original, hitherto sold for £1 lis. 6d., hut which is now published at 
 tTs. 6d. only. 
 
 A VERY USEFUL BOOK. In foHo, half morocco, cloth sides, 7s. 6d. 
 
 Literary Scraps, Cuttings from XTewspapers, 1!:^- 
 
 tracts, Miscellanea, &c. A FOLIO SCRAP-BOOK OF 340 COLUMNS, 
 formed for the reception of Cuttings, &c., with guards. 
 8S" Autluirs amd litera/ry men home thcmked the puilislier for this 
 useful iooTc. 
 
 *#* A most osefnl Tolnme, and one of the cheapest ever sold. The book is sm'e to be appreciated, 
 and to become popular. 
 
 Hone's Scrap Book. A Supplementary Volume to 
 
 the " Evei-y-Day Boot," the "Year-Boot," and the "Table-Boot." 
 From the MSS. of the late Wiiliam Hone, with upwards of One 
 Hundred and Fifty engravings of curious or eccentric objects. Thict 
 8vo, uniform with " Year-Boot," pp. 800. [In prepairation. 
 
 John Camden Eotten, 74 cmd 75, Piccadilly, W. 
 
VERY IMPORTANT NEW BOOKS. 
 
 Sets of "Punch," 1841—1860. Mr. Hotten has 
 
 purchased from the Messrs. Virtue and Co. their entiee eemaindee 
 of this important set of books, which contains, among its 12,000 Illns- 
 ■trations and Contributions from the most noted Wits of the time, the 
 ■WHOLE OF Leech's Sketches, 4 vols. ; Leech's Penciliings, z vols. ; 
 Tenniel's Caetoons ; Doixe's Me. Pips hys Diaet ; Mahnees and 
 CustOjIIs of the English j Beown, Jones, and Eobinson ; Punch's 
 Almanacks, i vol. ; Thackeray's MisceUanies, 4 vols. ; The Caudle 
 Lectures; Story of a Feather; &c., &c. 39 half-yearly vols, bound in 
 so vols., cloth gilt, gilt edges, published at £16 los., to be obtained of 
 Mr. Hotten for £7 iSs. ONLY. 
 
 The Standard Work on Biamonds and Frecions Stones; 
 
 their History, Value, and Properties, with Simple Tests for Ascer- 
 taining their Reality. By Haery Emandel, P.E.G.S. With nume- 
 rous Illustrations, tinted and plain. New Edition, Prices brought 
 down to Present Time, full gilt, cheap edition, 6s. 
 
 •*W111 be ft(xcptable to many «aaera." — Timet. 
 
 •* An Invaluable work for buyers and sfAlcve.^— Spectator. 
 
 See the Timei^ Bevievy of three columna 
 
 *#* This new edition is greatly superior to the previous one. It gives 
 the latest marleet vaVuefor Diamonds and Precious Stones of every size. 
 
 The Young Botanist : A Popular Goide to Elementary 
 
 Botany. By T. S. Ealph, of the Linnsean Society. In i vol., with 
 300 Drawings from Nature, 2s. 6d. plain, 4s. 6d. coloured by hand. 
 *** An excellent book for the youT>5 beginner. The objects eelectcd as illastrations are either 
 easy of aceess as specimens of wild plants, or are common iu-gardens. 
 
 Gnntcr's Modern Confectioner. The Best Book on 
 
 Confectionery and Desserts. An Entirely New Edition of this 
 Standard Work on the Preparation of Confectionery and the Arrange- 
 ment of Desserts. Adapted for private families or large establish- 
 ments. By William Jeanes, Chief Confectioner at Messrs. Gunter's 
 (Confectioners to Her Majesty), Berkeley-square. With Plates, post 
 8vo, cloth, 6s. 6d. 
 
 ••All hoosekeepera ehonld haTe it"— Dai/y TelegrapK 
 
 • *#* This ivorh has won for itself the repuiaiion of being the Standard 
 English Boole oji tlie preparation of all kinds of Confectionery, and on 
 the arrangement of Desserts. 
 
 10 John Camden Hotten, 74 and 75, Piccadilly, W. 
 
V£SY IMPOSTANT NEW BOOKS. 
 
 AARON PENLET'S Sketching in Water Colours, for 
 
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 some binding, gilt edges, suitable for the drawing-room table, price 21s. 
 
 %• It faSB long beea felt that the magnificent work of the great Knglish master of pafnting in 
 vater-coloura, publiahed at ^4 4s., was too dear for general circulation. The above embodies alt 
 I tie iDstructiooB of the diatiaguiahed author, with twenty M>ne beautiful apeclmena of water-colour 
 liainting. 
 
 A Clever and Brilliant Book {Companion to the "Bon GauUier 
 Ballads") PUCK ON PEGASUS. By H. CaomoNDELEr Pek- 
 
 NEI.L. 
 
 ■ Tkis most amusing work lias alnady 
 passed through nvB editions, receiving 
 Y everywhere the highest ^aise as *• a clever 
 
 C- and brilliant book." TO NO OTHER 
 
 ^' WORK OF THB FSBSENT DAT 
 
 SAVE SO MANT BISTINGVISHED ARTISTS CONTRIBTTTED 
 JLLTTSTBATIONS. To the designs of GEORGE CRUIKSRANK, 
 JOSN LEECH. JULIAN FOBTCH, " FHIZ," and other artists. 
 S/B NOEL FATEN. MILLAIS, JOHN TENNIEL, RICHARD 
 DOYLE, and Jf. ELLEN EDWABDS have now contributed several 
 exquisite pictures, thus making the new edition — which is twice the sizi! 
 OP THE OLD ONE. and contains irresistibly funny pieces — THE BEST 
 BOOK FOB THE DBAWING-BOOM TABLE NOW FUBLISHED. 
 
 In 4J0, printed toithin an india-paper tone, and elegantly bound, gilt, 
 gilt edges, price 103. 6d. only. 
 
 John Camden Hotten, 74 and 75, Ficcadilly, W, y 
 
VERY ntPORTANT NEW BOOKS. 
 
 NEW BOOK BY THE "ENGLISH GUSTAVE DOEE."— 
 
 COMPANION TO THE "HATCHET THKOWEES." 
 
 legends of Savage Xife. By James Greenwood, the 
 
 famous Author of " A NigM in a Worldiouse." With 36 inimitably 
 droll illnstrationa, drawa and coloured by Eenest Geiskt, the 
 " English Gustavo Dor^." 4to, coloured, 73. 6d. ; plain, 5a. 
 
 •** Fcflflers who foimil nmuscmcnt in the " Hatchet-Throwera" will not regret any acqnalniarca 
 tliey may form with (his comical woik. The pictures ore among the moat surprising which hesO 
 como from this artist's pencil. 
 
 *' A Blunchausea sort of boolE. liiQ diAwinei l)y H. Griset aro veiy poworfid and eccentric"— 
 Saturday Riview. 
 
 Scliool Iiife at Wincliester College; or, the Semi- 
 
 niscenoes of a Winchester Junior. By tho Author of " The Log o5 
 tho Water Lily," and " Tho Water Lily on tho Danube." Second 
 edition, revised, coloured plates, 73. fid. 
 
 **♦ This book does for WincUeatev what " Tom Browa*a School Days" did for Eugby. 
 
 Hog of the "Water Lily" (Thames Gig), during Two 
 
 Cruises in the Summers of 1851-51, on the Rhine, Neclcar, Main, 
 Moselle, Danube, and other Streams of Germany. By E. B. Matjs- 
 I'lELD, B.A., of University College, Oxford, and iUuatrated by Alfked 
 TnoMPSON, B.A., of Trinity College, Cambridge. [In prepwration. 
 
 *«* Tills ^as the earliest boat excursion of tho kind ever made on the Continental rivers. Very 
 receuUy the subject has been revived again in the exploits of Mr. MscGrogor in his " Rob R03 
 Canoe. The volume will be found most interesting to thoso who propose tolting a eimilor trip, 
 whether on the Continent or elsewhere. 
 
 The Hatchet-Throwers. With Thirty-six Illnstra- 
 
 tions, coloured after the Inimitably Grotesquo Drawings of Ernegt 
 Geiset. The English Gustave Dore. 4to, cloth gilt, 7a. 6d. ; plates, 
 uncoloured, 5s. 
 
 *«* Comprises the astonishlnfr adventures of Three Ancient Mariners tlie Biotbers Brass oi 
 Bristol, Air. Corker, and Mungo Midge. 
 
 ISelchior Gorles. By Heiiry Aitchenhie. S vols. 
 
 Svo, £1 lis. 6d. 
 
 *u* The Kew Novel, Illustrative of "Mesmeric Influence,' or whatever else wc may choose to 
 ic-rin that strange power which some persons oxcrcise over others, 
 
 lohn Camden Eotten, 74 and 75, Piccadilly, W. 1 5 
 
VERY IMPORTANT NEW BOOKS. 
 
 Tlie History of Advertising in all Ages and Countries. 
 
 A Companion to tlie "History of Signboards." With many very 
 amusing Anecdotes and Examples o£ Successful Advertisers. By 
 Messrs. Lartvood and Hotten. [In prepa/raUon. 
 
 Signboards : their History. "With Anecdotes of Famous 
 
 Taverns and remarkable Characters. By Jacob Laravood and John 
 Camden Hotten. "A book which will delight all."— ^Siiecfaior. Thisr 
 day. Fourth Edition, pages 580, price 73. 6d. only. 
 
 From the " Times.*' 
 
 *'It ia not fair on 
 the part of a re- 
 viewer to pick out 
 the plums of an. 
 author's book, thus 
 filching fiway his 
 cream, and leaving 
 little but Ekim-milk 
 Temaiuing; but., even 
 If we were ever so 
 maliciously inclined, 
 
 r-tjf thf ** Timet.* 
 
 we could not in the 
 present Instancff 
 pick out all Messrs. 
 Larwood and Hot^ 
 ten's plums, because 
 the good things ara 
 BO numerous as to 
 defy the most wholo- 
 sale depredotion."— 
 Review oj' three 
 
 BULL AND MOUTH. 
 (Angsl at, St Martln'B-le-Grand. circa 1800.) 
 
 *#* Nearly lOO most curious illustrations on wood are given, showing 
 the various old signs which were formerly hung from taverns and other 
 houses. The frontispiece represents the famous sign of "The Man 
 loaded with Mischief," in the colours of the original painting said to 
 have been esecuted by Hogarth. 
 
 Notice. — "large-paper Edition," witli Seventy-Two 
 
 extra Illustrations (not given in the small edition), showing Old 
 London in the days when Signboards hung from almost every house. 
 In 4to, half -morocco neat, 30s. 
 
 • »* Only a small number printed on extra fine paper with wide margins for the lover of fine books. 
 
 The Parks of London. 
 
 ciations from the Earliest Times, 
 
 TEATIONS BY THE AUTHOR. 
 
 Their History and Asso- 
 
 Ey Jacob Larwood. With Illus- 
 [_In the Press, 
 
 AN EXTEAORDINAUY BOOK:. 
 
 Hotten's Edition of " Contes Drolatiques " (Broil 
 
 Tales collected from the Abbeys of Loraine). Par Balzac. With 
 Four Hundred and Twenty-five Marvellous, Extravagant, and Fan- 
 tastic Woodcuts by Gustave Dore. Beautifully printed, thick 8vo, 
 half morocco, Koxburghe, 12s. 6d. 
 
 •»* The moat singular designs ever attempted by any artist This book ia a fund of amusement, 
 do crammed is it with pictures that even the contents are adorned with thirty-tliree illustrations. 
 
 Direct wppMcation mnist he made to Mr, Hotten for this worJc, 
 
 Jofvn Camden Hotten, 74 and 75, Piccadilly, W, 13 
 
VERY IMPORTANT NEW BOOKS. 
 
 AN INTEEESTING VOLUME TO ANTIQUARIES. 
 Army Lists of the Roimdlieads and Cavaliers iu the 
 
 Civil War, 1642. 4to, half morocco, liandsomely printed, price 7s. 6d. 
 
 *^* These most ccrioua Lists show on which side the gentlemen of England were to be found 
 during the great conflict between tlie King and the Parliament. Only a very few copies have be«n 
 most carefully reprinted on paper that will gladden the heart of the lover of choice books. 
 
 magna Charta. An Exact Facsimile of the Original 
 
 Docmnenfc preserved in the British Museum, very carefully drawn, 
 and printed on fine plate paper, nearly 3 feet long by 3 feet wide, with 
 the Armfl and Seals of the Barons ela,borately emblazoned in gold and 
 colours. A.D. 1215. Price 5s. ; by post, on roller, 5s. 4d. Handsomely 
 framed and glazed, in carved oak of an antique pattern, 223. 6d. 
 
 *#* Copied by express permission, ond the only coiTect drawing of the Great Charter ever taken. 
 It is uniform with the *'Koll at Battle Abbey." A full translation, with Xotes, has iust been 
 prepared, price Gd. 
 
 UNIEOEM WITH "MAGNA OHAIITA." 
 Koll of Battle Abhey; or, a Xist of the Principal 
 
 Warriors who came over from Normandy with William the Conqueror 
 and settled in this country, a.d. 1066-7, from Authentic Documents, 
 very carefully drawn, with the Arms of the principal Barons elaborately 
 emblazoned in gold and colours, price 5a. ; by post, on roller, 5s. 4d. 
 Handsomely framed and glazed, in carved oak of an antique pattern, 
 price 22S. 6d. 
 
 Illuminated Charter -Koll of Waterford, Temp. 
 
 Richard II. In i vol. 4to, with 19 large and most curious Plates in 
 facsimile, coloured by hand, including an ancient View of the City of 
 Waterford. Subscribers, 20s. ; Non-subscribers, 3C1S. [Preparing. 
 
 *^* Of the very limited impression proposed, more than 150 copies have already been subscribed 
 for. An ancient lUuroinated Roll, of great interest and beauty, comprising all the early Charters 
 and Grants to the Cityof Waterford, from the time of Henry II. to Kichard U. Full-length Portraits 
 ■of each King adorn the margiu, varying from sight to nine inches in length. 
 
 The Oldest Heraldic Holl.— "The Boll of Cserlaver- 
 
 lock," with the Arms of the Earls, Barons, and Knights who were 
 present at the Siege of this Castle in Scotland, 26 Edward I., a.d. 
 1 300; including the Original Anglo-Norman Poem, and an English 
 'fi-anslation of the MS. in the British Museum. By Thomas Weight, 
 Esq., M.A., E.S.A. THE ARMS SPLENDIDLY EMBLAZONED IN 
 GOLD AND COLOURS. In 4to, very handsomely printed, extra gold 
 cloth, i8s. ; or crimson morocco ertra, the sides and back covered in 
 rich fleur-de-lys, gold tooling, 55s. 
 
 *+* A very handsome volume, and a delightful one to lovers of Heraldry, aa It is the earliest 
 illazon or arms known to exist. 
 
 Now publishing in monthly parts, price is. 
 
 A New and Complete Parochial History of Cornwall, 
 
 Compiled from the Best Authorities, and Corrected and Improved 
 fi-om Actual Survey; with Illustrations of the Principal Objects of 
 Interest. Volume I. now ready, price i6s. 
 
 16 John Camden Hotten, 74 and 75, Piccadilly, W. 
 
v£:ry important new books. 
 
 most amusing new book. 
 Caricature History of the Georges (House of Hanover)- 
 
 Very entertaining book of 640 pages, with 400 Pictures, Caricatures, 
 Squibs, Broadsides, Window Pictures. By T. Weight, F.S.A. 73. 6i 
 
 *#* Companion Volume to "History of Signboards." Eeviewed in 
 almost every English ioumal with highest approbation. 
 
 '•A set of caricatures snch aa we have in Mr. Wright's volume bringB the surface of the age 
 before us with a vividness that no prose writer, even of the highest power, could emulate. 
 Macanlay's most brilliant sentence is weak by the side of the little woodcut from Gilliay wich gives 
 us Burke and Fox." — Saturday Review, 
 
 ** A more amosing work of its kind never issued from tba press." — Art JownaL 
 
 *'Thi3 is one of the most agreeable and interesting booka of the season." — Public Opinion, 
 
 ** It seems saperfiuoos to say that this is an entertaiaing book. It is indeed one of the most 
 -entertaining booka we have read for a long time. It is history teaching by caricature. There )s 
 hardly an event of note, hardly a personage of mark, hardly a social whimsey worth a momeafn 
 notice, .vhich is not satirised and illnstrated in these pages. We bave here the caricaturists from 
 Hogarth to Gillray, and from Gillray to Cruikshetnk" — Morning Star. 
 
 *' It is emphatically one of the liveliest of books, as also one of the most interesting. It has tha 
 twofold merit of being at once amusing and edifj-ing. The 600 odd pages which make up the 
 goodly volume are doubly enhanced by some 400 illustrations, of which a dozen are fuU-paga 
 'engravings." — Morning Post. 
 
 "Mr. Thomas Wright is lo ripe a scholar, and is so rich in historical reminiscences, that he 
 cannot fail to make an interesting book on any subject he undertakes to illustrate. He has achieved 
 a success on the present occasion. —Presf. 
 
 Ifotice. — ^Large-paper Edition. 4to, only 100 printed, 
 
 on extra fine paper, wide margins for the lovers of clioice books, with 
 extra Portraits, half -morocco (a capital book to illustrate), 30s. 
 
 Hojnauce of the Itod : an Anecdotal History of the 
 
 Bircli in Ancient and Modem Times. With some qnaint illustrations. 
 Crown 8vo, handsomely printed. [In prepa/ration. 
 
 John Ca/mclen Sotten, 74 amd 75, Piccadilly, W, u 
 
VERY IMPORTANT NEW BOOKS. 
 
 In 3 vols. 8vo, clotli very neat, price 363. 
 
 ILife and ITewly-Siscovered Writiiigs of Daniel Defoe. 
 
 Comprising Several Hundred Important Essays, Pamphlets, and other 
 Writings, now first brought to light, after many years diligent search. 
 By WiLLiAH Lee, Esq. With Facsimiles and Illustrations. 
 
 •#• For many years it has been well known in literary circles that 
 the gentleman to nhom the pnblio is indebted for this valuable addition 
 to the knowledge if Defoe's Lite and Worts has been an indefatigable 
 collector of everything relating to the subject, and that such collection 
 had reference to a more full and correct Memoir than had yet been given 
 to the world. In 3 vols., uniform with " Maoaulay's History of Englaiid." 
 
 Vol. I.— A NEW MBMOIE OF DEFOE. 
 Vols. n. and III.— HITHERTO XJNKNOWW WRITINGS. 
 •#* This will he a most vaVitable contribution to English History wnd, 
 'English Literature. 
 
 She Best Handbook of Heraldry. Profusely Zllns- 
 
 tratcd vrith Plates and Woodcuts. By John E. Cussans. In crown 
 Svo, pp. 360, in emhlmonei gold, cover, with copious Index, 7s. Ci, 
 
 •»* Tliis volume, ieautifally printed on toned paper, contains not only . 
 the ordinary matter to be fov/nd in the lest books on the science of 
 Armory, but several other subjects hitherto unnoticed. Amongst these 
 may be mentioned: — i. Dieections fob Tkacing Pedigrees, i. De- 
 ciPHEKiNG Ancient MSS., illustrated by Aiphabets and Facsimiles. 
 3. The Appointment op Liveries. 4, ContineniaIi and Ajiekicah 
 Heraldry, &a. 
 
 Slichael Faraday. Philosopher and Christian. By 
 
 The Rev. Samuel Martin, of Westminster. Toned paper, Portrait, 6d. 
 
 •«* An admirable mume— designed for popular reading— of this great man's life. 
 
 4 John Camden Botten, 74 <md 75, Piccadilly, W. 
 
VERY IMPORTANT NEW BOOKS. 
 
 MR. SWINBURNE'S NEW BOOK. 
 
 %* "A wonderful literary performance." — "Splendour oj 
 
 style and majestic beauty of diction never surpassed." — ^WILLI Ail 
 
 BLAKE: A Ceitical Essay. With facsimile Paintings, 
 
 coloured by hand, from the original drawings painted by 
 
 Blake and his wife. Thick 8vo, pp. 350, i6s. 
 
 with a sense ot 
 ■ntality." — Daily 
 News, Feb. 12, 
 1868. 
 
 "An extraordi- 
 nary work : vio- 
 lent, extravagant, 
 perverse, calcn- 
 lated. to startle, to 
 eUock, and to alarm 
 many readers, but 
 abounding in 
 beauty, and clia- 
 raoterised by intel- 
 lectual grasp. . . 
 . . His power of 
 word - painting 13 
 often truly won- 
 derful—sometimes, 
 it must be ad- 
 mitted, in excess, 
 lut always full of 
 matter, form, and 
 <;olour,and instinct 
 
 "It IS in every 
 way worthy of Mr. 
 Swmbume's high 
 fame. In no prose 
 work can be found 
 passages of keener 
 poetry, or more 
 Imished _ grace, or 
 more impressive 
 gr harmony. Strong, 
 vigorous, and 
 musical, the style 
 sweeps on like 
 a river." — Svmday 
 Times, Jan. 12, 
 i86g. 
 
 Hr. Swinburne's ITew Foem. — A Song of Italy. 
 
 Fcap. 8vo, toned paper, cloth, price 3s. 6d. 
 
 *** The Athenaum remarks of this poem—" Seldom has such a chant been heard so fnll of glow, 
 strength, and colour." 
 
 Mr. Swinburne's f oems and Ballads. Third Edition. 
 
 Price 93. 
 
 TSx. Swinburne's ITotes on his Foems, and on the 
 
 Eeviews which have appeared upon them, ia now ready, price is. 
 
 XEr. Swinburne's Atalanta in Calydon. ITew Edition, 
 
 fcap. 8vo, price 6s. 
 
 JSx, _ Swinburne's Chastelard. 
 
 ^Edition. Price 7s. 
 
 A Tragedy. Ifew 
 
 HLv. Swinburne's Queen Mother and Kosamond. 
 
 New Edition, fcap. 8vo, price 5s. 
 
 Mr. Swinburne's Bothwell. A NEW POEM. 
 
 \In preparation. 
 
 ■hn Camden Eottcn, 74 and 75, Ficcadilly, W, 
 
 17 
 
VERY IMPORTANT NEW BOOKS. 
 
 lost Beauties of the English Language. Revived 
 
 and Efivivable in England and America. An Appeal to Anthora, 
 Poets, Clergymen, and Public Speakers. By Chaeles Mackat, LL.D. 
 la crown 8vo, Tmiform with the " Slang Dictionary," price 6a. 6d. 
 
 [In jjrepoM'afion.. 
 
 Captain Grose's Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, 
 
 1785. A geunine tuunntilated Reprint of the First Edition, price 6b. 
 
 * * n_.- ti -^mber of copies of thia very vulgar, bat very curiooB, book have bean printed 
 
 Street Worda" aad Colloquialisms, oa fine toned paper, ball-bound morocco. 
 
 for the CoUectora of 
 £ilttop. 
 
 Slang Dictionary? or, the Vulgar "Words, Street 
 
 Phkases, and "Fasi" Expkessions op High and Low Society-; 
 many with their Etymology, and a few with their History traced. 
 With cveious illustbations. A New Dictionary of Colloqmal 
 English. Pp. 3^8, in 8vo, price 6s. 6d., by post, 75. 
 
 Eee Two trpou Tis, t» 
 the Dictionary, p. 264. 
 
 Egyptian SiwgTyphic verb, 
 to bo drtaiJct thoving the ttmptt' 
 iation ^ a cion'a leg, Seo 
 under Bbbaet liBa {vi2. 
 Strong Drink) in the Dictum' 
 <B3r, p. 61. 
 
 gS" One hwndred cmd forty newspapers in this cowntry alone liave 
 reviewed, with a/pproiaUon this Dictionary of Colloqvial English. " It 
 may be doubted if there exists a more amusing volume in the English 
 language." — Spectatoe. " Vahiable as a worh of reference." — Sattjedat 
 Eeview, " All classes of society will find a/musement cmd instruction in 
 "—Times. 
 
 Original Edition of the Famous Joe Miller's Jests ; 
 
 or, the Wit's Vade-Meenm ; a Collection of the most brilliant Jests, 
 politest Hepartees, most elegant Bons-llots, and most pleasant short 
 Stories in the English Language. London : printed by T. Bead, 1739. 
 An interesting specimen of remarkable facsimile, 8to, half morocco, 
 price 93. 6d. 
 
 •,* ONLT A VEST FEW COPIES OF TSIS SUMOBOUS AND 
 BAGT OLD BOOK HAVE BEEN REPRODUCED. 
 
 John Camden, Eotten, 74 and 75, Piccadilly, W. 
 
VERY IMPORTANT NEW BOOKS. 
 
 UNIFOBM WITH MB. RVSKJlfS EDITION OF "GlEmiAN 
 FOPULAS, STORIES." 
 
 Hew Book of Delightful Tales.—" Family Fairy Tales ;"• 
 
 or. Glimpses of Elfland at Heatherston Hall." Edited by CHOiirojr- 
 BELEY Pennell, Author of "Pnok on Pegasus," &c., adorned with 
 beautiful pictures of " My Lord Lion," " King TJggarmujrger," and 
 other great folks. Handsomely printed on tonegl papor, in cloth, gieen 
 and gold, price 48. 6d. plain, 5s. 6d. colonred. 
 
 *** This GhannlTig Tolome has been nuivci'--..lly praised by the critical preA- 
 
 Popular Komances of the West of England ; or, tlie 
 
 Drolls of Old Comwall. Collected and edited by Eobekt Hunt, F.E.S. 
 This day, in 2 vols. 8to, very handsomely printed, price 163. 
 e®- Only a few copies of this very interesting viork now remain, cmd 
 
 COPIES WILL SOON BECOME SCAECE. 
 
 *«* Kflny of the stories are remarkable for their wild poetic beaaly ; othera sarprlse as by their 
 qnaintneKS ; ivliilst other*, again, show forth a tragic forco whicli caa only bo aaitociMcd wllb those 
 rudo «ifes which existed long before the period of aatbOQtlc hiitory. Mr. George Cruiksbank lias 
 ■applied two wonderfol pictures to the viork. One ia a portrait ot Oioat Bolaler, a personage 
 tffelire miles bigb. 
 
 Gnstave Dore's Favourite Feucil Sketches. — His- 
 torical Cartoons ; or, Eough PenciUings of the World's History from 
 the First to the iJineteenth Century. By Gvstate Dore. With 
 admirable letterpress descriptions by Thomas Wbight, F.S-A. Oblong- 
 4to, handsome table book, 73. 6d. 
 
 ^f-3ig 
 
 *«* A asw book nf derbf* and Inln-Jtab^e deslgna, which will ^excite constdarable attention, and 
 doubtloss command a wiUe airculadon. 
 
 Captaiu Castagnette. His Stirprising, almost Incre- 
 dible Adventures. 4to, with Gusiave Dobe's Illnatrations. is. gd. 
 (sells at 5s.) 
 Direct application imist he made to Mr. Hottenfar this looJc. 
 
 Cent, per Cent. A Story written npon a Bill Stamp. 
 
 By ElaNCHARD Jekkolb. With numerous coloured illustrations in 
 the style of the late Mr. Leech's charming designs. [Immed/iately. 
 
 *^* A story of " The Vampires of London," 08 they were pithily termed in a recent notorious 
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VERY IMPORTANT NEW BOOKS. 
 
 Oiigiual Sditiou of Blake's Works. 
 
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 The first volume, " Mabeiage of Heaven and Hell," 4to, is now being 
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 George Cflxapman's Plays, from, tlie Original Tests. 
 
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 of bis power cany the disfi^rements olon)^ with it and away.— He is really a fine fellow." — 
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 /^^U^ 
 
 ^ A great deal of prejudice in this country has Icen shown against 
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 Rossetti's Criticisms on Swinljtime's Poems. Price 
 
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 ^he Prometheus Sound of ^Ischylns. Translated in 
 
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