( ^■^)\ ^^ /'^ %.// rrx» mmmm V xP - /S'V^ ^^/ ^■■^-/k: S^>^ ^^>^^^^^ >/</rX^^/ v.;>N^^^:^ 'v^-^sM^c;;- ..:••:■ .^ A^X .y^N o:X^Q / V- m»«M^»«M'^ %>mij >^9w^ ^'f'^m- ',y-^ 678-j arV14078 ■NiPi olin,anx ^^^^ 031 224 839 Cornell University Library The original of tinis book is in the Cornell University Library. There are no known copyright restrictions in the United States on the use of the text. http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924031224839 MARRIAGE AS IT IS AND AS IT SHOULD BE. EEV. JOHN BAYLEY, OF THE VIRGINIA ANNUAL CONFEKENCE, AUTHOE OF " CONFESSIONS OF A CONVEETED INFIDEL," ETC NEW YOKK: PUBLISHED BY M. W DODD, No. 506 BKOADWAT 1857. 3 Entered, according to Act of Congress, in tlie year 1857, by JOHN BAYLEY, In the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia. steeeotrpeu et printed bt Thomas B. Smith, E. O. Jenkins 83 ife 84 Beekman-street. 28 Frankfort-Bt. TO LIZZIE LEE, MY FAITHFUL AND AFFECTIONATE WIFE, SJfs afttU Volume IS AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED. PREFACE. ) N view of the mimerous works already in ex- ' istence, in which the subject of marriage, in ' all its relations, is discussed, some may think 1^ it presumptuous for the author of this treatise '^ to present it to the public. To such persons he begs leave to say, that the majority of the works on this subject that he has seen contain matter that could not with propriety be put into the hands of the class of readers for which this work is designed. In many cases, too, owing to the size and price of the books referred to, and to other circumstances of au- thorship, style, and publication, it is not likely that they will ever be perused by many to whom the au- thor of the following pages has access. While trav- eling in various parts of England and of the United States of America during the past twenty years, the author has observed that love and marriage were popular subjects of conversation with old and young, VI PREFACE. aud that the most erroneous notions prevailed with regard to them. While endeavoring to correct pre- vailing errors, his mind has been much occupied with the subject, and thus the way was prepared for the production of this volume. Encouraged by the favor with which the public have received a previous work on another subject, and with a grateful sense of the kindness of his friends, the author offers this humble contribution to the religious literature of the day, in the hope that it may be acceptable to the friends of morahty and religion, and with a fervent prayer that it may be attended by the blessing of heaven in every family where it may find a kindly reception. Cffntnits. I. — WiTUEE AND Importance of MAERiAas. II. — Impeudent Maeeiasbs a soueoe of Vice ajtd Misery 30 III. — Maerting for Beautt 51 rv. — Meroenaet Marriages 57 V. — The Proper age for Marriage 68 VI. — Maerting Religiously 11 Til. — Second Marriages 101 VIII. — The PAiTHrgL Husband 112 IX. — The Faithful Wife 127 X. — The Duty of PAEBifTS 148 CHAPTER I. THE NATURE AND IMPORTANCE OE MARRIAGE. ''O, happy lot, and hallowed, even as the joy of angels. Where the golden chain of godliness is entwined with the roses of love." TgppEE's Peoveeeial Philosophy. )ARRIAGE is the legal union of a man and woman for life. It is a con- tract, both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual love and faithfulness until they shall be separated by death. This, in Christian lands, is not regarded as a human invention, or a merely social or conventional arrangement, but as an institution of the Creator. When man was in a state of primal innocence and purity, sur- rounded by all the joys of the bright bowers of Paradise, infinite "Wisdom saw that something more was necessary to complete his happiness, 10 THENATUKEAND and infinite Lore supplied the want. The Lord God then said, " It ia not good for the man to be alone, I will make him a help meet for him." In a later age, the divine Kedeemer said, ' ' From the beginning God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh ; so they are no more twain but one flesh. What, therefore, God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." Whatever may be the ultimate design of our Creator with regard to the destiny of the human race, it is evident to all who believe the Bible, that man was not designed for celibacy and monastic seclu- sion, but for the blissfiil enjoyments of love and marriage. Utopian philosophy may indulge in reveries about a state of society in which man shall forego the delights of a well-regulated family circle, and thus escape its responsibilities and difiiculties ; maudlin sentimentalists may weep over the miseries produced by foolish and wicked marriages, or by the treachery of some who have violated their marriage vows, and then, in defiance of reason, jump to the conclusion that all mar- IMPORTANCE OF MARRIAGE. 11 riages are wrong; but all who fear God, and take the Holy Scriptures for their guide, will be of a diflferent mind. From the precepts of the Bible, and the examples of the wisest and best of mankind, it will appear to all who reflect upon the subject, that marriage is holy in the sight of God, and honorable in the estimation of good men. To prevent those destructive vices to which the unmarried are peculiarly exposed, to secure the maintenance and education of children, and to promote domestic happiness, it has always been regarded as of vital importance in all well-regu- lated states. Hence, the wisest legislators have made laws to encourage marriages ; and, in some instances, to compel persons to enter into this state. In Sparta, penalties were inflicted upon those who remained unmarried after a certain age. At Athens, all who wished to be command- ers or orators were required to be married. To marry was held to be the duty of every Roman, and those who neglected it were obliged to pay a fine or tax. Whoever, in the city of Rome, had three children, in other parts of Italy /owr, and in the provinces Jjve, was entitled to certain priv- 12 THE NATURE AND ileges, while certain disabilities were imposed on those who lived in celibacy. This subject is alluded to by the poet Horace, Carm. Ssec. ver. 20.* The Jewish Scriptures abound in allusions to the married state, in which it is always represented as one of peculiar honor and blessing. Thus we read in the book of Proverbs, "Rejoice with the wife of thy youth ; let her be as the loving hind and pleas- ant roe, and be thou always ravished with her love," etc. In the book of Psalms, among other blessings promised to them that fear the Lord and walk in his ways, are the following : " Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house : thy children like olive plants around thy table." Among other evils men- tioned in the 78th Psalm as the effect of God's anger upon Israel, it is said, "Their maidens were 7iot given to marriage." It is worthy of remark, in this connection, that the first marriage mentioned in the New Testament was honored by the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ and his disciples, and that on * Classical Antiquities, by J. J. Esohonburg. IMPORTANCE OF MARRIAGE. 13 that occasion the first miracle of the Redeemer was wrought. Since then, it has heen a com- mon practice to invite the Saviour to marriages, in the person of his ministers, who have gener- ally heen regarded as the most suitable individ- uals to solemnize the matrimonial rites. And though the Scriptures are silent on this point, as they are on many others of importance, no one can deny that the solemn services of religion are pecuUaxly impressive on such occasions, and well adapted to make the parties feel the importance of faithfully observing all the obligations of the marriage vow. It has been observed by wise and good men who have lived in diiferent ages and countries, as well as by others now living, that prudent marriages are favorable to health, long life, and prosperity. Medical authors, also, who have written books on the laws of life and health, testify that celibacy tends to lessen the duration of life. Thus, Hufeland, a German writer of distinction, says, "There is no instance of a maid or a bachelor of great age."* M. Depar- * Art of Prolonging Life, page 11. 14 THENATURBAND cieux, of Paris, and M. Wargentin, of Sweden, have observed that ■women live longer than men, and that married women live longer than single women. "Marriage," says Buffon, "is man's natural state after puberty. This is therefore the period when the female, pressed by a new want, and excited to employ her faculties, should renounce that inexperience in love which was becoming in tranquil youth." The philosophic Kames observes that, "The early ripeness of this desire proves it to be the intention of Prov- idence that people should settle early in mar- riage." Although polygamy has extensively prevailed in different ages and nations, and though it was allowed for a season to the chosen people of God, it is contrary to the laws of nature and the word of God, and inimical to the welfare of mankind. In the wonderful arrangement of divine Prov- idence, that the sexes should be nearly equal in number throughout the world, we can not fail to discover an intimation of the will of God with regard to this matter. Though the number of male children is somewhat larger than that of IMPOETANCB OF MAKRIAGE. 15 females, after deducting from the males the number who perish in wars, and in those peril- ous occupations from which females are exempt- ed, we shall find the sexes equal in numbers ; and the obvious inference is, that the will of the Creator is fulfilled when each man becomes the husband of one wife. In the last century. Major Graunt computed, both from the London and country bills of mortality, that there were born in England fourteen males to thirteen females ; from which he justly inferred that monogamy is a natural law, and that the Christian religion which prohibits polygamy is more agreeable to the laws of nature, than Mohammedanism, and others, that allow it. There are some circumstances, however, in which marriage would be evidently improper, and others in which it is impossible. It is from a failure to observe the peculiar circumstances in the case that some have misunderstood the words of the apostle Paul, in the seventh chapter of his first epistle to the Corinthians : " He that giveth her in marriage doeth well ; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better." This has 16 THE NATURE AND been so explained as to make it teach that it is best for all who desire to lead a useful and holy life to remain single ; but such an interpretation is at variance with the decision of the Creator, before referred to, and with other portions of the word of God. It is not necessary to make the Bible contradict itself, or to give countenance to the belief in the superior sanctity of a state of celibacy, to give a consistent sense to the words of the apostle. At the time he wrote, the infant church was going through a season of great tribulation ; the fires of persecution were freely burning, and in many cases it would have greatly embarrassed the disciples to be encumbered with the cares of a family. ' ' As the church was then in straits and difficulties," says the learned and pious Dr. Adam Clarke, "it was much better for its single members not to encumber them- selves with domestic embarrassments. Noth- ing," he observes, "here spoken was designed to be of general application ; it concerned the church at Corinth alone, or churches in similar circumstances." It was owing to a misconception of the mean- IMPOKTANCB OF MARRIAGE. 17 ing of some of the sentiments of the apostle Paul, and of the teachings of our Saviour, that some of the Christian fathers, in the early ages of the church, among whom we find Cyprian, Tertul- lian, Chrysostom, and others, discoursed elo- quently about the superior advantages of a single life ; and to this we owe the vast multitudes of monks and friars, nuns and sisters of charity, that have existed from the earliest ages of the church, especially in those countries that have been under the influence of Popery. Some of these " saints" seem to have had a poor opinion of the female sex. St. Cyprian says, "Woman is the devil's bird-lime to enslave men." Igna- tius Loyola compares her to the devil. If it were not for the settled conviction that truth is often stranger than fiction, we should be inclined to doubt the following, which is extracted from a religious journal : From some of the monasteries of Asia Minor, every thing feminine is so rigorously excluded, that there are many gray-headed monks there who never beheld the phenomenon, woman. The very dogs and cats are obliged, by immutable 2* 18 THENATUEBAND law, to be male. Mr. Bowan, an English trav- eler, a narrative of whose adventures has just been published in London, visited one of these cheerless abodes. With the monk who conducted him over the grounds and about the gloomy passages of the monastery, he had some curious conversation. "My companion," says the author, "men- tioned to me the superstition held by the sailors of the ^gean, that women who have presumed to land on the holy peninsula, have been inva- riably struck dead for their impiety ; and rather startled me by asking, ' What sort of human creatures are women ?' (just as if a German was to ask. Was fur Monschen sind die Frauenzim- mern ?) My reply was. Have you ever seen a woman ? when he assured me that he had seen only his mother, and that he had forgotten even her appearance, as he had been sent to the mountain on a visit to an uncle, when only four years old, and had never crossed its limits since ■ — a period of twenty-four years. He was very inquisitive about women, whom he had heard and read of, but had never seen ; of whom, in IMPORTANCE OF MAREIAGB. 19 short, he appeared to know about as much as I know about crocodiles and hippopotamuses. For charity's sake, I quoted to him the rule of St. Bernard, how 'the ancient enemy, by female society, has withdrawn many a soul from the right path of Paradise ;' and I bade my unso- phisticated friend thank Providence that he, at least, was safe from the dangerous allurements of those sirens of real life, who had assaulted so many authorities, from St. Anthony down to St. Keven, and who. I told him, were but ugly likenesses of the pictures of the Virgin in the convent or churches. This was no extravagant compliment to the sex, for the Greeks are too much afraid of idolatry to represent any such ' eyes of the most unholy blue' as beam from the canvas of the Italian masters. All their pictures of saints are in a style of traditional ugliness." What gloomy superstitions still lin- ger in some parts of what we are wont exult- ingly to style "the Christian world !" Jerome, who flourished in the end of the fourth century, is, according to Edgar,* the * Edgar's Variations of Popery, page 549. 20 THBNATURBAND earliest "witness in favor of clerical abstinence from matrimony in the western communion, wlio could be produced by all the learning of Bellar- mine, Baronius, and Thomassin. He -was ac- cused of countenancing the Manicheans, ■who, at least to the elect, entirely proscribed matrimony. His prepossessions on this subject induced him to reflect on the conjugal duty, even in the laity. "The person," he says, "-vvho fulfills the duty of a husband can not fulfill that of a Christian." His language is a libel on the divine institution. The details of the profligacy to which this anti- Christian view of the subject of marriage led, may be seen in ecclesiastical history, and in the work just referred to. Since the Protestant Reformation there has been an improvement in the morals of those communities in which the doctrine of the superior advantages of celibacy prevails ; but still there is a vast difierence in this respect between Protestant and Roman Catholic communities. For the following com- parison, in illustration of this poiat, I am indebted to Seymour's " Evenings with the Romanists," a work recently published in En- IMPOETANCE OF MARRIAGE. 21 gland. This table shows the number of illegiti- mate births in the Protestant and Catholic cities named. The statistics are from governmental returns, and therefore strictly reliable : Prot. London, 1851, Whole No. of births, 18,300 Of these The legitimate were 15,007 The illegitimate 3,203 or 4 p. c. Cath. Paris, 1851, Whole No. of bhths, 32,325 Of these The legitimate were 21,689 The ^legitimate 10,636 or 33 p. c. Cath. Brussels, 1850, "Whole No. of births, 5,181 Of which The legitunate were 3,448 The illegitimate 1,833 or 35 p. c. Cath. Munich, 1851, "Whole No. of births, 3,468 Of these The legitimate were 1,162 The illegitimate 1,102 or 48 p. o. Cath. Vienna, 1849, "Whole No. of births, 19,241 Of which The legitimate were 8,881 The illegitimate 10,360 or an aver- age, from 1848 to 1851, of 51 p. u. These proportions will appear more striking, "Tiewed by the help of the following concise sum- mary. The proportion of illegitimate births is : In Roman Catholic Paris Thirty-three per cent. " Brussels Thirty-five " " Munich Forty-eight " " "Vienna Fifty-one " In Protestant London Podr! " 22 THENATUKEAND Some Protestants also have entertained the belief that a single life oifers the greatest advan- tages to those who wish to be fully devoted to the service of God. Among these may be men- tioned Richard Baxter, and John Fletcher, the vicar of Madely. Both of these excellent men, however, changed their views, and married late in life. Fletcher has left it on record, that he thought a state of celibacy was best until his at- tention was called to the fact, that Enoch the blameless patriarch, who by faith "walked with God," and was translated, after a pilgrimage of three hundred and sixty-five years, was a niar- ried man and the father of sons and daughters. It is often said that Francis Asbury, the princi- pal founder of the Methodist Episcopal Church in America, was opposed to marriage, but this is a mistake. In 1804, when he was nearly sixty years old. he gave his reasons for living and dy- ing a bachelor, as follows : "If I should die in celibacy, which I think quite probable, I give the following reasons for what can scarcely be called my choice : " I was called ia my fourteenth year. I IMPORTANCE OF MAREIAGE. 23 began my public exercises between sixteen and seventeen. At twenty-one I traveled. At twenty-six I came to America. ' ' Ttus far I had reasons enough for a single life. " It had been my intention to return to Europe at thirty years of age, but the war con- tinued, and it was ten years before we had a set- tled, lasting peace. "This was no time to marry, or be given in marriage. "At thirty-nine I was ordained Superintend- ent Bishop in America. Among the duties im- posed on me by that ofiBce was that of traveling extensively, and I could hardly expect to find a woman with grace to induce her willingly to live but one week out of fifty-two with her husband. Besides, what right had any one to take advan- tage of the afiections of a woman, make her his wife, and by a voluntary absence subvert the whole order and economy of the marriage state, by separating those whom neither God, nature, nor the requirements of civil society permit long to be put asunder ? It is neither just nor gen- 24 THENATUKEAND erous. I may add to this, that I had little money, and -with this I administered to the necessities of a beloved mother till I was fifty- seven. If I have done wrong, I hope God and the sex will forgive me. "It is my duty now to bestow the pittance I may have to spare upon the widows, and father- less girls, and poor married men." With regard to the iniluence of marriage on a man's temporal prosperity, the following beauti- ful extract from the writings of one of the most distinguished American authors will be read with interest : "I have noticed," says Washington Irving, "that a married man falling into misfortune, is more apt to retrieve his situation in the world than a single one, chiefly because his spirits are softened and relieved by domestic endearments, and self-respect kept alive by finding that al- though all abroad be darkness and humiliation, yet still there is a little world of love at home, of which he is monarch ; whereas a single man is apt to run to waste and self-neglect — to fall to ruin, like a deserted mansion, for want of inhab- IMPOKTANCE OF MARRIAGE. 25 itants. I have often had occasion to mark the fortitude with which women sustain the most overwhelming reverses of fortune. Those disas- ters which break down the spirit of man and prostrate him in the dust, seem to call forth all the energies of the softer sex, and give such in- trepidity and elevation to their character, that at times it approaches to sublimity. " Nothing can be more touching than to be- hold a soft and tender female, who had been all weakness and dependence, and alive to every trivial roughness, while treadmg the prosperous path of life, suddenly rising in mental force to be the comforter and supporter of the husband under misfortunes, abiding with unshrinking firmness the bitterest blast of adversity. As the vine which has long twined its graceful foliage about the oak, and has been lifted by it into sunshine, will, when the hardy plant is rifted by the thunderbolt, cling round it with its caressing tendrils, and bind up its shattered boughs, so, too, it is beautifully ordained by Providence that woman, who is the ornament and dependent of man in his happier hours, 3 26 THENATITKEAND should be his stay and solace ■when smitten ■vrith dire and sudden calamity, mnding herself into the rugged recesses of his nature, tenderly sup- porting his drooping head and binding up his broken heart." Jeremy Taylor, one of the most eloquent of the old English divines, beautifully remarks : " If you are for pleasure, marry ; if you prize rosy health, marry. A good wife is heaven's last best gift to man — his angel and minister of graces innumerable — his gem of many virtues — his casket of jewels ; her voice is sweet music — her smiles, his brightest day — her kiss, the guardian of his innocence — her arms, the pale of his safety, the balm of his health, the balsam of his life — her industry, his surest wealth — her economy, his safest reward — her lips, his faith- ful counselors — her bosom, the softest pillow of his cares — and her prayers the ablest advocates of heaven's blessings on his head." Many whose misfortune it has been never to enter into this relation have discovered their error too late, and have borne a decided testi- mony in its favor. Among these may be num- IMPORTANCE OF MARRIAGE. 27 bered the famous John Eandolph of Roanoke. In a letter to a friend, he observes : " You know my opinion of female society. Without it, we should degenerate into brutes. This observation applies with tenfold force to young men, and those who are in the prime of manhood. For, after a certain time of life, the lit- erary man may make a shift (a poor one I grant) to do without the society of ladies. To a young man nothing is so important as a spirit of devo- tion (next to his Creator) to some amiable wo- man, whose image may occupy his heart ; guard it from pollution, which beseta it on all sides. A man ought to choose his wife, as Mrs. Prim- rose did her wedding gown, for qualities that " wear well." One thing at least is true, that if matrimony has its cares, celibacy has no pleas- ure. A Newton, or a mere scholar, may find employment in study ; a man of literary taste can receive in books a powerful auxiliary ; but a man must have a bosom friend, and children around him, to cherish and support the dreari- ness of old age." Dr. Franklin having noticed that a certain 28 THENATTJRBAND mechanic wlio worked near his office was always happy and smiling, ventured at length to ask him for the secret of his constant cheerfulness. "No secret, doctor," he replied. "I have got one of the best of wives ; when I go to work, she always has a kind word of encouragement for me ; and when I go home, she meets me with a smile and a kiss, and the tea is sure to he ready ; and she has done so many things through the day to please me, that I can not find in my- heart to speak an unkind word to any body." The poet Southey, when interrogated with regard to his happiness, said, " That I am a very happy man, I owe to my early marriage. When over, a little over, one and twenty, I married under circumstances as singular as they well could be, and to all appearances as improvident ; but from that hour to this, I have had reasons to bless the day." It would be easy to fill a volume larger than this with illustrations of the importance of mar- riage, and of the high estimation in which it has been held by the great and the good in every age. But the foregoing are all that the limits IMPORTANCE OF MARRIAGE. 29 of this work will allow. It must be confessed by all who have investigated the subject, that this beneficent institution has been greatlj abused ; that this, like many others of the blessings of heaven, has been perverted, and often prostituted to the vilest purposes ; and further, that it is seldom productive of the fiill amount of happi- ness for which it was designed. An attempt will be made in the following chapters to show some of the causes which have produced many un- happy marriages, and to suggest such remedies aa reason and religion may supply. CHAPTER II. IMPRUDENT MARRIAGES A SOURCE OF VICE AND MISERY. " Take heed that what charmeth thee is real, nor Bpringeth of thine own imagination ; And suffer not trifles to win thy love, for a wife is thine unto death. The wicked tumeth good into evU, for his mind is warped within him." Feoveebial Phtlobopht. )HAT the marriage union frequently fails to produce the happiness for ivhich it was instituted, must be clear to the most careless observer; and that it is often a prolific source of discord, vice, and wretchedness, "will be apparent to all who carefully consider the subject. A view of these evils will lead the thoughtful reader, not to question the propriety of the marriage institu- tion, after the fashion of the would-be reformers of the age, but seriously and calmly to investi- gate the subject, and as far as possible to remove IMPEUDENT MAERIAGES. 31 the abuses by -which one of the choicest blessings of heaven has been converted into a curse. But the question may occur to some who have not paid much attention to the subject, "Do these evils exist?" In answer, the following state- ments are submitted. It is well known that both in Europe and America numerous applications for divorce are annually made, and that large sums of money are annually expended for that purpose. In France, the arbitress of fashion to the civilized world, large numbers never marry, and yet the average number of divorces is one for one hun- dred and eighty-four marriages. "Here," says Mr. Bulwer, in his Sketch of Manners in France, "there is far more liber tinage than in any civilized country in Europe; but it leads less than in other countries to further depravity. Not bchig considered a crime (!) incontinence does not bring down the mind to the level of crime. It is looked upon, in fact, as a mere matter of taste ; and very few people, in forming their opinion of the character of a woman would ever take her virtue into consideration." The 32 IMPRUDENT MARRIAGES A above extract, together with -the testimony of many others who have visited that land of levity and of guilt, shows a state of profligacy which is shocking to every pious mind. And there is no doubt that much of the vice which prevails and the consequent misery of the people arise from the want of a due regard for the sanctities of the marriage institution. Where large numbers of the people never marry at all, where many who do marry enter upon that state from improper motives, and where the marriage covenant is commonly violated, and incontinence is scarcely regarded as a crime, we who believe in the Bible may not look for prosperity or happiness. Nor can it be safe for the people of this land to look upon the present rage for French fashions, French literature, and French manners, without a jealous care to guard against their pernicious example in this respect. An Italian writer, speaking of the state of morals in Italy, says, "Among us, marriage, which, in conformity to the canon law is indisso- luble, is merely an illusory contract, drawn up by a notary, and ratified by a priest, between SOURCE OF VICE AND MISERY. 83 two persons who are united — generally not to live together." After speaking of the crowd of ciscisbie, or gallants, who associate with mar- ried ladies, the author observes, " The circum- stance that marriages are generally ill-assorted and always indissoluble, has been justly stated to be the first cause of this system." With regard to the deplorable eifects of such a state of things, Bonstetten says, "The gallantry of women is the least inconvenience of ciscisbeism. The great evil that results from it is that of there being no longer any family. As the legitimate husband has never any but illegitimate children, he can have no regard for them." These asser- tions, however, are qualified by adding, ' ' There are, however, women in Italy who have children only by their own husbands ! !" "Matches in Spain," says Mr. Walker, "are determined, not by the inclination of the parties most concerned, but by the ideas of the parents as to their suitability and convenience. As, moreover, the odds are twenty to one against either party caring more than a fig for the other before they are married, so the chances are not 34 IMPRUDENT MAERIAGBS A rendered more probable of their falling in love afterward — at least, with each other. The lady finds herself united to a man who in six months' time cares much less for her than for his cigar, and spends his days at the cafe and his nights in intrigue. As, however, the marriage was en- tered into for convenience, so, because it is most convenient, they live together without separating, and soon come to a tacit understanding not to in- terfere in each other's private arrangements, like the fashionable couples of the day. Though con- flicting loves and connubial jealousies often lead to deadly strife among the common people, very frequently to the destruction of the female, yet in the cities husbands have become more gentle, and the duels, so common a century or two ago, are now entirely unknown. Than the modem Spaniard, there is no being on earth who is less troubled with feelings of jealousy." In Great Britain, owing to the moral and re- ligious habits of the people, there is much more sincerity in the formation of the marriage cov- enant, and much more faithfulness in observing its duties than we find among the nations before SOUECE or VICE AND MISBEY. 85 referred to. Owing to the great expense attend- ing divorces, they seldom take place, even when the married pair do not live happily together ; and, as we have seen in the preceding chapter, the number of illegitimate children is compara- tively few. To the true Englishman there is no place like home. When neither depressed by poverty nor tainted by vice, the home circle is a place of quiet, calm enjoyment, radiant with in- telligence, refinement, and love. Literature, music, and painting, with all their pure delights, are there, while Religion, the meek and lowly, and Science, the eagle-eyed, combine their pow- ers to promote the happiness of the household band. And who shall tell the immense im- portance of these home enjoyments to the wel- fare of a community and the happiness of man- kind ! Here it is that the foundations of virtuous habits are laid ; and, even when those who have been brought up in scenes like these are seduced from the paths of virtue, they are often re- claimed by the recollections of the lessons of moraHty and religion which were indelibly writ- ten upon their hearts by the loved ones at home. 86 IMPRUDENT MARRIAGES A But, e-ven in the Britist isles, it is mournful to contemplate the extensive prevalence of conjugal infelicity, conjugal infidelity, and other evils that flow from the want of harmony in the mar- riage relation. Ample proof of this may be found in the statistics of crime, and the most affecting illustrations in the current literature of the country. If it is, aa Mr. Addison observes, "a mark of a degenerate age to ridicule mar- riage," much of the light literature of the En- glish wits must have been written in such an age. "Indeed," observes this gifted author,* "if I may speak my opinion of a great part of the writings which once prevailed among us, under the notion of humor, they are such as would tempt one to think there had been an association among the wits of those times to rally legitimacy out of our island. A state of wedlock was the common mark for all the adventurers in farce and comedy, as well as the essayers in lampoon and satire, to shoot at ; and nothing was a more standard jest in all clubs of fashionable mirth and gay conversations." * * * "I must * Spectator, No. 525. SOTJECE OF VICE AND MISEKY. 37 confess," he continues, " it has been my ambition, in the course of my writings,, to restore, as well as I was able, the proper ideas of things." In another place, he expresses it as his ambition to make the name of wife the most agreeable and delightful name in nature. As this able and in- genious author shows, in some of his incompara- ble essays, it is often owing to ill-assorted mar- riages that this beneficent institution is brought into disrepute ivith mankind. It is thus that the domestic sanctuary, which ought to be the nursery of virtue, becomes a seminary of vice, and great numbers of the rising generation are allowed to grow up without the proper training to fit them for their stations in society. In the United States of North America there is more than usual happiness in the married life, and the obligations of the marriage covenant are most generally observed. Divorces, however, are becoming very common in some places, and some of the State legislatures have been so much annoyed by the numerous applications of the kind that they have given up their jurisdiction over the subject, and have committed it to the 4 38 IMPRUDENT MARRIAGES A district courts. Our newspapers contain ample evidence that, in a large number of cases, per- sons who have been unwisely married are unable to settle their differences or to live peacefully to- gether; and, therefore, they either separate in defiance of law, and form other alliances, or they bring their difficulties to be settled before the tribunals of the country. These cases, however, we have reason to believe are few compared with those in which the husband and the wife do not live happily together, but yet conceal their diffi- culties from all but their intimate friends. See- ing that the only remedy that they have within their reach would be worse than the disease, they wisely determine to suffer all its inconveniences rather than to involve themselves in more dread- ful evils. The following remarks on this subject are from Mrs. Jameson's " Winter Studies and Summer Rambles in Canada :" " In conversing with Bishop McCoskry and the missionaries on the spiritual and moral con- dition of his diocese, and these newly-settled regions in general, I learned many things which interested me very much, and there was one SOURCE OF VICE AND MISERY. 89 thing discussed -vrhicli especially surprised me. It was said that two thirds of the misery ■which came under the notice of a popular clergyman, and to which he was called to minister, arose from the infelicity of the conjugal relations; there was no question here of open immorality and discord, but simply of infelicity and unfit- ness. The same thing has been brought before me in every country, and every society, in which I have been a sojourner and an observer ; but I did not look to find it so broadly placed before me here in America, where the state of morals, as regards the two sexes, is comparatively pure ; where the marriages are early, where conditions are equal, where the means of subsistence are abundant, where the women are much petted and considered by the men — too much so." In rela- tion to the causes of this unhappiness, Mrs. Jameson continues : " Strange, and passing strange, that the relation between the two sexes, the passion of love, in short, should not be taken into deeper consideration by our teachers and legislators. People educate and legislate, as if there was no such thing in the world ; but, ask 40 IMPRUDENT MAEEIAGES A the priest, ask the physicia^n, let them reveal the amount of moral and physical results from this one cause. Must love be always discussed in blank verse, as if it were a thing to be played in tragedies or sung in songs — a subject for pretty poems and wicked novels, and had nothing to do with the prosaic current of every-day existence, our moral welfare, or eternal salvation. * * * For want of self-management and self-knowl- edge, look at the evils that ensue ! — hasty, im- provident, unsuitable marriages ; repining, dis- eased, or vicious celibacy ; irretrievable infamy ; cureless insanity." The Rev. James B. Finley, one of the oldest and most influential ministers in the Methodist Episcopal church, makes the following observa- tions in his "Memorials of Prison Life." He is speaking of the Ohio penitentiary: "Let me here say that there are many convicts here for bigamy; that it is becoming a common crime throughout the country; that the law of mar- riage is becoming every day less sacred in the eyes of our countrymen ; and that something must be done to arrest the progress of this evil, SOURCE OF VICE AND MISERY. 41 or, in time, no family in the land mil be out of danger. I attribute much of this state of things to the unscriptural and ■wicked notions on this subject, propagated by men calling themselves Socialists or Reformers. St. Simon and Fourier, a couple of crazy Frenchmen, began the crusade against marriage. Their disciples, Considerant and Louis Blanc, and others of equal infamy, have kept up the vitality of their doctrines in France, while a few renegades from Christianity, such as Eobert Owen, Robert Dale Owen, George Ripley, and many more of the same clique, have contaminated the popular mind of this country. Our sister States of Illinois and Indiana, at Econ- omy and at New Harmony, have helped forward the contamination. It is now said that some French philosophers have undertaken to make a settlement in Texas, on the no-marriage princi- ple. This movement, reader, must be stopped; the institution of marriage must be maintained ; the Bible, which set up the institution, must be acknowledged and obeyed in social matters, or society will plunge itself into the lowest depths of ruin." 4* 42 IMPRUDENT MARRIAGES A It is not the intention of the author of this work to assume, that all the unhappiness that prevails in the married state arises from im- proper matches ; he freely admits that much of it, perhaps the greater portion, arises from other causes. Some persons are so constituted by na- ture or education, that they are not happy under any circumstances ; others make an exaggerated estimate of the advantages of marriage, and are disappointed ; and others become miserable, ow- ing to their misconduct or misfortunes after mar- riage. It is admitted, also, that in the majority of cases where the parties discover after marriage that they have made an unfortunate union, they may, if properly under the influence of reason and religion, live together in peace, by a system of mutual compromise and forbearance. The evils which have been mentioned do not militate against the wisdom of the marriage institution, nor do they show, as Milton, Spurzheim, Shelley, and others, contend, that the law of divorce should allow the marriage knot to be untied, whenever it becomes irksome to the parties ; but they furnish impressive warnings against hasty SOURCE OE VICE AND MISEBT. 43 and imprudent matches, and against all viola- tions of the marriage covenant. No act of human life, with a single exception, perhaps, is worthy of more serious consideration ; and yet with rnanj it is a matter of inexcusable levity, and with others it is entered upon from motives which are mean and dishonorable in the sight of God and man. Marriage, in the esti- mation of thousands, is a lottery, from which a blank or a prize, a blessing or a curse, may be drawn, as an imaginary being called Fortune may decide. Hence they are still seen running after fortune-tellers, spirit-rappers, and other imposters, to get a peep into the future, thus ignoring the doctrine of divine Providence, and blindly submitting themselves to the influence of surrounding circumstances. Some are so anxious to be married, that they hastily seize the first opportunity, and discover when it is too late that they are married, but not mated. So it was with Timothy Heedless. Before his mar- riage, he thought that he wanted nothing but a wife to complete his happiness ; but he soon dis- covered to his sorrow that he had made a grand 44 IMPRUDENT MARRIAGES A mistake in his selection. A marries for a freak, just to be talked about ; B, for spite ; C, to be revenged on an enemy ; D, to show that he can get married ; E, to be like other people ; F, for a home ; G, to avoid being teazed on the subject by the gossips around her; H, to please her relatives and friends ; and others, they know not why. In China, the parties about to contract a marriage never see each other, the whole affair being arranged by their relations, or go-betweens. Instead of sending the lady's portrait, they send her shoe, a small foot being the Chinaman's beau ideal of perfection. Now this is very ab- surd in the Celestials, and will cause many a laugh at their expense, though if the truth were known, it would appear that the reasons which some of our neighbors had for marriage were in no respect better than that of the inhabitants of the celestial empire. " I can't bear," said one of my sentimental female friends, ' ' a robust, red-faced man. I like such a looking man as , pale- faced, delicate, interesting !" So she prefers a sickly, idle, dyspeptic, intemperate creature, to a strong and healthy man, because the other, like SOUECB OF VICE AND MISERY. 45 the lady with the small foot, is fashionable and ' ' interesting. " "I actually know a man, ' ' says an English author, "who is so deeply interested in the subject that every hour of his life is devoted to the improvement of a race of bantam fowls and curious pigeons, and who yet married a mad woman, whom he confines in a garret, and by whom he has some insane progeny." Need we be surprised, in view of these things, that in many instances the result should be disastrous ? Even when marriages are contracted from right motives, and proper time for consideration is taken, it occasionally happens that through ignorance, or an error in judgment, the marriage vows are taken by persons who soon become disgusted with each other, and separate lawfully or unlawfully, or they continue to live together in. indiflference or discord, dragging out a miser- able existence, to the great injury of society, and often to their own ruin and that of their posterity. It sometimes occurs, too, that the wise and the pure of both sexes fall into a fatal error in this matter. Imposed upon by false appearances, misguided by the advice of their 46 IMPRUDENT MARRIAGES A friends, or led astray in an evil hour of tempta- tion, they unite themselves to persons Avho soon give evidence that they are not fit for the posi- tion they occupy. Socrates and Solomon, Dante and Milton, Sir Thomas More and John Wes- ley, furnish striking examples of this kind. That Wesley should have been hindered from marrying the gifted and gentle Grace Norman, one so well calculated to aid him in his work, and to cheer him in his toils, and then entrapped into a marriage with the widow Vizelle, a stub- born, jealous, and quarrelsome woman, is one of the inscrutable things that the revelations of eternity alone can explain. We may suppose, with his biographer, that if Wesley had been blessed with a better wife, it might have led him to neglect the work in which he was engaged. But, surely, the same grace that enabled him, with unparalleled meekness to endure the loss of the "desire of his eyes," and to bear the con- duct of the one whom he married, would have sustained him had he been united to a suitable companion. Sir Thomas More was a man of great genius SOURCE OP VICE AND MISEET. 47 and learning in the reign of Henry VIII. of England, author of "Utopia," and other cele- brated -works. After the death of his first -wife, who had been to him a most excellent companion, he married Mrs. Alice Middleton, a widow. It is said by his biographer that Sir Thomas had not the least intention of making love to her himself, but that he was speaking to her in behalf of a friend, when she boldly answered him, that he might speed the better if he would speak in his own behalf. From that encouragement he was in- duced to address her for himself, and they were married. But she led him a hard life. " Any heart but More's," says his biographer, " would have been broken by the match, for she was one of the most loquacious, ignorant, and narrow-minded of women ; but like another Soc- rates, More endeavored to laugh away his conju- gal miseries." Such cases as these demand our warmest sympathy, especially when the victim has been imposed upon by officious match- makers, or by the deadly sin of the hypocrite and the deceiver. 48 IMPRUDENT MARRIAGES A Regarding sucli instances as the above as ex- ceptions, it may be safely observed, that it is mainly from want of previous reflection in the parties that marriages result unhappily. If persons will enter upon such an alliance rashly, or from improper motives, instead of being of one heart and mind in the pilgrimage of Ufe, they will be like two quarrelsome animals tied together by the neck, and their conduct will be a source of merriment to the gay, of grief to the good, and of misery to themselves. It is this which often prevents the progress in intelligence, refinement, and religion, which ought to be nourished and cherished in the domestic sanc- tuary; and which gives rise to much of the conjugal infidelity with which our country un- happily abounds. It is this which frequently drives the husband from home, to find relief in the maddening excitement of the bacchanalian revel, which often deprives him of hope and en- ergy for the performance of his duty in the great battle of life ; and, even where he bears his bur- den, without breaking down under it, his prog- ress is impeded, and bitterness is mingled with SOURCE OE VICE AND MISBKY. 49 every cup of joy. It is this also wbicli has often been a source of sin and misery to a pure-minded and loving woman. United for life to a man, in- capable of appreciating her virtue, or affording her happiness, though she utters not one word of complaint, her sufferings are seen on her wasted form, and her eyes often suffused with tears. The suppressed sigh, in the midst of the effort to be cheerful, and the look of despondency and gloom tell too plainly the agonizing struggle that is going on in her heart. After an ineffect- ual effort to rise above the consequences of one fatal act, she goes down to the grave with a broken heart, to find that rest in heaven which was denied to her on earth. Well would it be for our race, if the records of society had nothing worse than this to tell with regard to the unfor- tunate class of females. But it is too well known that there are some who, when they have been deceived and betrayed by those in whom they have confided, in a spirit of retalia- tion and revenge, go into forbidden paths, and thus involve themselves in disgrace and ruin. 5 50 IMPRUDENT MAREIAGBS. Every case of this kind that occurs furnishes an impressive warning to all who 'VTOuld heed- lessly and wickedly enter upon the marriage life. CHAPTER III. MAERTING FOR BEATTTT. ) EAUTY is a glorious gift of God, and all the human race are more or less under its potent power ; but to marry- merely because the chosen one has a beautiful external appearance, is to imi- tate the evil-doers of whom we read in the earliest annals of our race. " The sons of God," says Moses, ' ' saw the daughters of men, that they were fair, and they took them wives of all which they chose." Their sin did not consist in choosing beautiful wives, but in allowing them- selves to be so much dazzled by external beauty as to be led to make improper selections. For we read also that Sarah, the beloved wife of Abraham, a pattern of female excellence, was 52 MARRYING FOR BEAXJTT. very fair to look upon — so great a beauty that on that account she was more than once a source of danger to her husband. Rachel, too, ■we are told, was beautiful and well favored. When this fascinating power is combined with other endowments, such as intelligence, industry, pru- dence, and piety, it is well, and greatly to be desired in a wife ; but sad indeed will be the fate of the man who marries for beauty alone. She may be as symmetrical and faultless in form and feature as the gentle Eve was when she was presented to Adam by her great Creator ; her auburn hair may shine like burnished gold ; her velvet cheeks may surpass the blended hues of the lily and the rose ; her eyes may be lustrous as the stars of heaven ; her teeth may excel the purest pearls in whiteness ; in a word, her radiant beauty may dazzle all beholders ; and yet all this will not bring happiness in wedlock, if her heart burn with the baleful fires of sin, and she possess not those nobler qualities which are essential to the character of a wife and a mother. " Remember," says Sir Walter Ral- eigh, in a letter to his son, "that if thou marry MARRYING FOE BEAUTY. 53 for beauty, thou bindest thyself all tliy life for that -which will perhaps neither last nor please thee one year ; and when thou hast it, it will be to thee of no price at all ; for the desire dieth when it is attained, and the affection perisheth when it is satisfied." It is through improper motives on this subject that many unhappy matches are made, and that such expensive and persevering efforts are put forth by the candidates for matrimony to add to their external beauty. "Young women," says Dean Swift, " spend their time in making nets instead of cages." Sometimes, after a long chase, a gentleman succeeds in securing one of these charming belles, possessing an angelic form and adorned in the highest style of art ; and he fondly thinks he is happy for life. But, alas ! his cup of joy is soon mingled with bitterness, for he finds that instead of that priceless jewel, a good wife, he has an animated doll, or an adver- tisement for a milliner or merchant. It often happens, too, that a few revolutions of the wheels of time, or a few days of affliction, are sufiicient to destroy all this dazzling beauty ; and then the 5* 54 MAERTING FOR BEAUTY. poor fellow who has married in haste repents at leisure ; and fortunate will it be for him and his family if he does not endeavor to drown his sor- row in the vortex of dissipation, and go down to the grave a miserable wreck of humanity. The fair sex, too, though "they can not en- dure pretty men," will sometimes " please the eye and tease the heart." Hence the difficulty with which many fine worthy fellows, who are not very "good-looking," find partners for life ; while many a graceless prodigal, scarcely fit for good society, finds it an easy matter to win the hand and the heart of one of the rarest prizes in the community. He may be a fine-looking man, equal to Absalom in beauty, and of noble bear- ing among his fellows, but at the same time be an empty, conceited coxcomb, or a lazy, drunk- en, worthless member of society ; and when the couple have been married a few years, her prop- erty and his beauty may have vanished; and then she will find herself tied for life to a miser- able wretch whose sin and ugliness are a contin- ual source of sorrow to her heart. Perhaps, if she shall conduct herself wisely, she may be the MARRYING FOR BEAUTY. 55 means of elevating him ; but the strong probabil- ity is, that he will bring her down to his level, and that they will both sink into the abyss of ruin. It is very common for the pulpit and the press to declaim against females for their excessive de- votion to "that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing gold, or putting on of ap- parel ;" and no one can deny that in these times there is a necessity for an admonition on the subject ; but surely the blame is not altogether with the fair. They have long since had the sagacity to discover what pleases the gentlemen ; and it is likely that so long as they make so many conquests in this way they will continue to add as much to their personal beauty by it as they can. When, however, we find that the gentlemen prefer intelligence to finery, and piety to worldliness ; when they value good works and the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit above fashionable "accomplishments" and worthless beauty, we may expect to find the girls spending less money and time with dressmakers and jew- elers, and more with booksellers and teachers. 56 MARRYING FOR BEAUTY. They -will devote less attention to the toilette, and more to the cultivation of the mind and heart. When we shall see our leading men choosing for wives, steady, industrious, and do- mestic women, instead of the frivolous, heartless, yet beautiful and accomplished belles, who reign in the circles of fashionable life ; when our phi- losophers and divines shall show by their acts that they have principle enough to carry out their oft-repeated teachings, this evil may be somewhat abated. But it is to be feared that until the end of time the world will not fail to produce melancholy illustrations of the magical power of beauty, and of the triumph of passion over principle. " For there is," saith one, " no enchantment against beauty. Her potent spells of sympathy have charmed the passive world, and the lords of every land are harnessed to her triumphs." CHAPTER IV. MERCENARY MARRIAGES. Goldl gold I gold I gold I Bright and yellow, hard and cold, Molten, gi-aven, hammered, rolled, Heavy to get and light to hold, Hoarded, bartered, bought and sold, Stolen, borrowed, squandered, doled. Spurned by the young but hugged by the old, To the Tery verge of the church-yard mold ; Price of many a crime untold, Goldl goldl goldl gold! Good or bad a thousand fold, How wide it3 agencies vary, To save, to ruin, to curse, to bless. As even its minted coin express — Now stamped with the image of good Queen Bess, And now of bloody Mary."— Hood. ^0 one who observes the state of things in Great Britain and in the United States of North America, can fail to observe that one of the strongest passions of the people at the present time is the desire for -wealth. And no passion is half so blind as the greed for gain. As the Spaniards 58 MBRCENAKY MARRIAGES. in their ilight' from Tenochlitlan, in Mexico, were encumbered vfiih the weight of their gold, and therefore overtaken and slain, so many, who in other respects are worthy of all honor, fall under the debasing power of this passion, and are ruined. Fortune-hunters, fortune-stealers, worshipers of Mammon, abound in every part of our land ; and if all who are drawn aside from the paths of rectitude by the cursed love of gold could be numbered, it would be found that Mam- mon has more votaries in the present age than the great goddess Diana of the Ephesians had in days of yore. It would seem that men and women are beginning to believe the fable that wealth is the father of love — that matrimony is a matter of money — and that Cupid, having grown old, has changed his name, to be known hereafter as old Mr. Cupidity. With regard to marriage, many who pass for wise and good in the present day, are more be- nighted than were the great men of heathendom in the earlier ages of the world. Solon, as we learn from Plutarch, abolished the giving of portions with young women in marriage, imless MEECENARY MARRIAGES. 59 they were only daughters, for lie would not have matrimony to become a mere traffic and a com- merce of interest. And when one asked The- mistocles, the great Athenian general, what he thought about the propriety of marrying a per- son without a fortune, he replied that he would rather marry his daughter to a man without an estate than to an estate without a man. It is true, when the match is in other respects a suit- able one, wealth is not to be despised ; but when the question is between wealth on the one hand, and a suitable husband or a wife on the other, it should never be forgotten that riches will never purchase intellect or virtue ; but that these noble qualities may procure riches, and will never fail to secure all that is needful for happiness.- Wherever two immortal spirits solemnly plight their troth to live together in the holy estate of matrimony, whether it be in the domestic sanc- tuary, in the open air, or in the consecrated temple of the Most High, they stand on holy ground, and heaven and earth are called upon to bear witness to the deed. When the ceremony of wedlock — indissolubly, save by an act of 60 MERCENARY MARRIAGES. God — is performed, a shade of solemnity will come over the most frivolous mind, and not un- frequently the eyes of the spectator overflow with tears. But the ceremony would be bereft of all its solemnity and power — it would become a heartless mockery — if it were known that this was a mere sordid scheme to obtain possession of property. Instead of being a solemn and holy rite, one of the most impressive of human acts, it would be an act of despicable hypocrisy — a base imposition upon society. And yet with many, especially those somewhat advanced in years, the acquisition of wealth seems to be the main con- sideration in the formation of matrimonial alli- ances. Too often the satire of the profligate English wit is exemplified : " Maidens, like moths, are ever caught with glare, And Mammon wins his "way where seraphs might despair." It would not be easy to tell which of the sexes most commonly sell themselves into a state of wedded misery for the sake of pecuniary advan- tages ; but as woman, in the present state of society, is generally more necessitous than man, MERCENARY MARRIAGES. 61 as she is less qualified to struggle with adversity, and as she is more confiding in her nature, she is under stronger temptations to err from the path of rectitude in this respect. It is sordid, unmanly, and wicked to marry for money; and whenever it is done, either by man or woman, the bitter fruits will be seen by all who have not been blinded by the love of gain. It is true, prudence will dictate that marriages should not be consummated^ until there is a reasonable prospect of a comfortable support. This, however, is more readily found than is generally supposed ; and where it could not be reasonably expected, it would be far better to endure the reproach of old bachelors and old maids until doomsday, than for a freeborn spirit to sell itself for a pile of gold. Let us hear what a lady says on the subject. Mrs. Child very forcibly remarks : " I never knew a marriage expressly for money, that did not end unhappily. Yet managing mothers and heartless daughters are constantly playing the same unlucky game. I believe that men more frequently marry for love than women, because 62 MERCENAKY MAERIAQES. women think they will never have a better chance, and dread being dependent. Such mar- riages, no doubt, sometimes prove tolerably com- fortable ; but a greater number would have been far happier single. If I may judge by my observation in such matters, marrying for a home is a most tiresome way of getting a liv- ing." The venerable John Wesley observes : " There is one circumstance more, wherein you will have great need of the wisdom from above. Your son or your daughter is now of age to marry, and desires your advice relative to it. Now you know what the world calls a good match ; one whereby much money is gained. Undoubtedly it is so, if it be true that money always brings happiness. But I doubt it is not true : money seldom brings happiness, either in this world or the world to come. Then let no man deceive you with vain words : riches and happiness seldom dwell together. Therefore, if you are wise you will not seek riches for your children by their marriage. See that your eye be single in this also : aim simply at the glory of God. and the real happiness of your children, MERCENARY MARRIAGES. 63 both in time and eternity. It is a melanclioly thing to see how Christian parents rejoice in selUng their son or their daughter to a wealthy heathen ! And do you seriously call this a good match ? Thou fool, by parity of reason, thou mayest call hell a good lodging, and the devil a good master. Oh, learn a better lesson from a better Master ! ' Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness,' both for thyself and thy children, ' and all these things shall be added unto you.' " Another, who seems to have been a luckless victim, speaks thus of her misfortune : "I was married for my money. That was ten years ago, and they have been ten years of pu.rgatory. I have had bad luck as a wife, for my husband and I have scarcely one taste in common. He wishes to live in the country, which I hate. I like the thermometer at seventy-five degrees, which he hates. He likes to have the children brought up at home, instead of school, which I hate. I like music, and wish to go to concerts, which he hates. He likes roast pork, which I hate ; and I like minced veal, which he hates. There is 64 MERCENARY MARRIAGES. but one thing -vre both like, and that is what we can not both have, though we are always trying for it — the last word. I had bad luck as a mother ; for two such huge, selfish, passionate boys, never tormented a feeble mother since boys began. I wish I had called them Cain. At this moment they have just quarreled over their marbles. Mortimer has torn oif Orville's collar, and Orville has applied his colt-like hand to Mortimer's ribs; while the baby, Zenobey, in my lap, who never sleeps more than half an hour at a time, and cries all the time she is awake, has been roused by their din to screams in cho- rus. I have had bad luck as a housekeeper, for I never even keep a chambermaid more than three weeks. And as to cooks, I look back bewildered on the long phantasmagoria of faces flitting stormily through my kitchen, as a mar- iner remembers a rapid succession of thunder gusts and hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico. My new chambermaid bounced out of the room yesterday, flirting her dusters and muttering : ' Real old maid, after all !' just because I showed her a table on which I could write ' Slut,' with MERCBNAKY MARRIAGES. 65 my finger, in the dust. I never see my plump, happy sister, and then glance in the mirror at my own cadaverous, long, doleful visage, -without wishing myself an old maid. I do it every day of my life. Yet half my sex marry as I did — not for love, but for fear — for fear of dying old maids." One of the saddest sights that the thoughtful Christian can behold is the immolation of the young, the lovely, and the pious, on the altar of Mammon. Who has not seen an interesting couple, who seemed formed for each other by nature and grace, both of them young, intelli- gent, amiable, influential, and pious, with no bar to their union save the want of what the world calls fortune ? The decision of the votaries of Mammon is, that the poor must not marry if they would live in a 'respectable' way — that there must be property on one side or the other. If such a couple were left to themselves, in nine cases out of ten they would decide for love, for common sense, and for religion : the prudence or cupidity of their friends throws obstacles ia the way, and hinders the consummation of their 6* 66 MBKCENARY MARRIAGES. wishes. In the mean time, the lady receives what the world calls a good offer; i. e., an aged sinner, old enough to be her grandfather, ill- favored and vicious, with a large family, but a still larger estate ! And lo ! the ill-fated fair one falls into the snare, and sells herself for gold ! Thus from age to age we find new illus- trations of the truth that the love of money is the root of all evil. Eternity alone will reveal the vast aggregate of sin and misery that has been entailed upon the human race by this enor- mous evil. The peace of many a young and confiding heart has been thus blasted forever, and some have been sent broken-hearted to a premature grave. Sometimes the hapless victim has sought relief in the giddy round of dissipa- tion and folly, and after a few years of earthly pleasure, has been lost in the vortex of infamy. Often have we seen the children in such families, who could not be kept in ignorance of the un- happy lives of their parents, losing all confidence in virtue and religion, and growing up infidels and libertines, mere pests to society. Even min- isters of the gospel, whose holy employments are MERCENARY MARRIAGES. 67 of such a character as to promise a different re- sult, are sometimes led astray by the golden bait ; and when this is the case, they are shorn of their glory, and greatly embarrassed in the performance of their important duties. At other times — with sorrow be it written — they have abandoned the work to which they had devoted themselves for life, and abandoned it merely to watch over their ill-gotten gains. money! thou bright-shining idol, how many of earth's sons and daughters have been lured into destruc- tion by thee ! CHAPTEH V. THE PROPBB, AGE FOR MARRIAGE. )HE opinions and practices of mankind in relation to this subject are various and conflicting ; and it is impossible to give any rule that would be applicable in all cases. In oriental lands, where the human body arrives at maturity earlier than it does with us, it is not unusual for a girl to be married at twelve or thirteen. Among the Agows of Abyssinia, says Bruce, the women are married at the early age of eleven. In Hindoo families, sometimes the marriage of daughters is delayed; this, however, is always regarded as a calamity and disgrace. If a per- son sees girls of more than twelve years of age unmarried in a family, he says, " How is it that PROPER AGE FOE MAERIAGE. 69 a Bramin can sit at home, and eat his food with comfort, when his daughters at such an age remaia unmarried." * In China, among the mandarins and wealthy classes, the matrimonial age varies from twelve to fourteen in females, and from sixteen to twenty among the males; the poorer classes marry as soon as they acquire sufficient money to purchase a wife and defray the attendant expenses. Not only in southern climates, hut in countries colder than ours, is marriage among some varieties of the human race earlier than it is with us. A Prench writer asserts that a Kalmuck or Siberian woman of the Mongolian race is marriageable at thirteen, even in a climate as cold as that of Sweden, and that still further north, and even on the confines of the icy sea, the women are married between eleven and twelve. In South America, females are often married at thirteen or fourteen. Among the ancients, the Gauls, and some other nations, thought it disgraceful to marry early. Aristotle taught that the proper period for men was thirty-seven, and for women eighteen. * 'Ward. 70 THEPEOPBRAGB Plato recommended thirty for males and twenty for females. In Europe, among the more re- spectable classes, marriages are generally late. A modern English author, who has paid special attention to the study of anthropology, observes, " Marriage would be deeply injurious before the young woman is in a condition to perform its functions. In our climate, young girls who are married before the age of from twenty to twenty- five, are ill adapted to sustain the relation of a wife and a mother ; beauty departs ; enfeeble- ment and nervous affections ensue, and these impede the general growth. The limbs conse- quently are shorter ; and though the body is less affected as to development, the breaking-up is greater." Dr. James Johnson, in his Economy of Health, remarks, " The most proper age for entering the holy estate of matrimony has been discussed, but never settled. I am entitled to my opinion ; and although I can not give the grounds on which it rests, the reader may take it for granted that I would adduce, were this the proper place, a great number of reasons, both FORMAERIAGB. 71 moral and physical, for the dogma I am about to propound. The maxim, then, -which I would inculcate is this — that matrimony should not be contracted before the first year of the fourth sep- tennial, on the part of females, nor before the last year of the same in the case of the male ; in other words, the female should be, at least, twenty one, and the male twenty-eight years old. That there should be seven years' difference be- tween the age of the sexes, at whatever period of life the solemn contract is entered upon, need not be urged, as it is universally admitted that there is a difference of seven years, not in the actual duration of life in the two sexes, but in the stamina of the constitution, the symmetry of the form, and the lineaments of the face." A great difference in the ages of the married couple, accompanied, as it usually is, with a cor- responding difference of rank or fortune, has often been a source of discord and misery. It is not to be supposed that youth would be willing to form a matrimonial alliance with age, unless the latter offered some great inducement to the former, as to wealth or station in society. Yet 1'Z THEPROPERAGE it can not be denied that sometimes a great dif- ference of age has existed, when the union has been found productive of great happiness. Se- neca, among the ancients. Sir Matthew Hale, Richard Baxter, and others, among the moderns, were, in their old age, married to young and beautiful women, who loved them for their tal- ents and their virtues, and manifested the most devoted attachment. Of Paulina, the wife of Seneca, it is said, that when the veins of her husband were opened by the command of the tyrant Nero, she caused her own to be cut, that she might not outlive him. These remarkable cases, however, must be regarded as exceptions to the general rule, or as the result of that hom- age which youth and beauty will sometimes pay to exalted genius. In this way we may account for the remarkable passion which was entertained toward the celebrated Dean Swift by Miss Esther Vanhomrigh, which sent the ill-fated "Vanessa" broken-hearted to the grave, and had no small influence in producing the madness of the dean. Some one has said, that when two young per- FOR MARRIAGE. 73 sons get married to each other, it is God's -work ; when an old man marries a young woman, it is man's work ; but when a young man marries an old woman, it is the devil's work ! Now, as some matches of the last description have been made in our day, and it is probable that this work may fall into the hands of some who have been thus " unequally yoked," the author pro- tests against been made responsible for the ap- plication of the above opinion to all such cases. That it will apply in some cases, we have good reason to beUeve. Not long since, a good old dame, who is now ia her grave (peace to her ashes !) and who had for some time before her death led an unhappy life with a young man whom she had unfortunately married, on being questioned on the subject, said, " I believe the devil made me do it." There are some rare cases, however, in which young men marry old ladies under better influences than this, the most remarkable of which that occurs to the writer is that of John Howard, the philanthropist, whose reputation for benevolence is as wide as the world. A writer in the London Times says. 74 THBPEOPEEAGE that Howard " had reached his twenty-fifth year, and was living in the house of a Mrs. Loidoire, the widow of a man who had heen clerk in a neighboring white-lead manufactory. Mrs. Loidoire was poor, not well-looking, a con- firmed invalid, and fifty-two years of age. John Howard, while under her roof, had a severe at- tack of illness. She tended him as a mother ; and, upon his recovery, he, in return for her kindness, ofiered to make her his wife. Mi-s. Loidoire at first remonstrated with her suitor, and then actually married him. They lived together happily for the space of three years, when Mrs. Howard died." Other cases of this kind we have noted, in real life, which could be accounted for on the principle of gratitude, and still others that must be left among the mysteries that belong to courtship and marriage. As an illustration of " man's work" in connection with marriage, the following case which we find in the History of the Protestant Reformation, by D'Au- bigne, is worthy of notice : " Louis XH. was a widower in his fifty-third year, and bowed down by the infirmities of a premature old age; but FOB MAREIAGE. 75 being desirous of preventing, at any cost, the re- newal of the war, he sought the hand of Henry's sister, the princess Mary, then in her sixteenth year. Her affections were already fixed on Charles Brandon ; and for him she -would have sacrificed the splendor of a throne. But reasons of state opposed their tmion. ' The princess,' remarked Cardinal Wolsey, ' will soon return to England with a royal dowry.' This decided the question. The disconsolate Mary, who was an object of universal pity, embarked at Dover, with a numerous train." Thus it is, that for " reasons of state" or for the love of filthy lucre, or some other abominable excuse, the laws of God are set aside, and the perilous venture of uniting the gayety and vigor of youth with the soberness and decrepitude of age is made. Thus the baleful fires of jealousy are enkindled, cases of conjugal infidelity arise, and a host of evils is produced. Nor can it be considered as much more than legal prostitution, for a young lady to sell herself to an old man whom she does not love, merely for the sake of obtaining the use of his wealth. And to use the sacred rites 76 PROPER AGE FOR MARRIAGE. of the Church for the purpose of closing such bargains, looks like adding hypocrisy to the wicked deed. There is only one thing more needed to make it a spectacle from which every virtuous mind will turn with horror ; that is, when the young lady is reluctantly, and after a desperate struggle, immolated at the shrine of Mammon, through the influence of sordid pa- rents, who wish thereby to elevate themselves in society. When I see a case of this kind, I am reminded of the conduct of the Jews in ancient times, who sacrificed their children unto devils ; and I say, with Solomon, " there is nothing new under the sun." CHAPTER VI. MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. " How blest the sacred tie that binds In union sweet accordant minds 1 How swift the heavenly course they run, Whose hearts, whose faith, whose hopes are one !" ^OUTH and beauty, health, and strength, intelligence, good manners, reputable connections, good sense, amiability, with, other natural or acquired endowments, may be sought for in marriage ; but the most indispensable qualification in a husband or a wife, and one which is most frequently made of little importance, is a good moral and religious character. With this, many other deficiencies may be easily borne ; but, without it, the most splendid natural and acquired gifts will fail to meet the wants of a truly pious man or woman. 7* 78 MAEKYING RELIGIOUSLY. If all the above-mentioned gifts and graces were combined • in one person, they would form a paragon of perfection, a cynosure for every eye, a prize for ■which many would contend, and which few might hope to gain. Marriage, as has been observed in a preceding part of this work, is an institution of God, and can only be truly enjoyed, according to the direction of the Spirit of God. There is no human connection that has so high and holy a significance as that between husband and wife, it being declared by divine inspiration to be a figure of the spiritual wedlock between Christ and his church. It should not therefore be en- tered upon merely for the sake of earthly con- venience, but to promote our true interests in time and eternity. Thus we find that among the ancient Israelites, marriages with the heathen nations around them were positively prohibited, and no one who is familiar with the Old Testa- ment Scriptures needs to be reminded of the sad consequences that frequently flowed from a viola- tion of this law. It was this that led to the downfall of Solomon, the wisest of men, that MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. 79 often filled Jerusalem -with anarchy, confusion, and war, that defiled the glorious temple with the pollutions of idolatry, and brought down upon the guilty nation the anger of the Most High. Under the Christian dispensation, too, God has given the direction that those who marry should marry "only in the Lord."* And in another place, which, though it does not pri- marily belong to the subject of marriage, may, by fair inference, be applied to it, he says, "■Be not unequally yoked." ^ If, indeed, the Scriptures had been silent on the subject, it would have been natural for any one in the en- joyment of religion to shrink from entering into such a close and confiding friendship, as that which exists in the marriage relation, with any one who was destitute of religion. To be happy together long, the wedded pair must be in Christ ; to " dwell together according to knowl- edge," and that their "prayers be not hin- dered," X it is necessary that they should be in Christ; nor can they without this agree with * 1 Corinthians, vii. 39. f 2 Corinthians, vi. 14. X 1 Peter, iii. 1 . 80 MARRYING K E L IG I TJ S LT. regard to the education of their children, to bring them up "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." To see a husband and -wife kneel- ing together in their closet, with the arms of the Almighty Father thrown around them, is worthy of an angel's gaze ; but to see one occupied in prayer, while the other is living in guilty indif- ference to the claims of religion, or in acts of open hostility to Grod, must be a source of pain to every feeling heart. Is it possible that the one could be happy who looks upon the other as ia imminent danger of everlasting misery ? The probabilities in favor of happiness, to say the least of it, are much greater when both parties are agreed on this all-important subject. Tertul- lian, one of the Christian fathers, who wrote in the second century, thus describes the happiness of a Christian couple : " What a communion of two believers, who have but one hope and one object of all their wishes ! They have one doc- trine, and serve one common Lord. There is a communion of the spirit, as there is one of the body ; they are one spirit and one flesh. They read the holy Scriptures together; they pray MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. 81 together ; they instruct, admonish, and bear with one another; they partake of the Lord's Supper together in the church ; they share mutually in the distress, in the persecution, and in the joys of life ; nothing is hidden from each other ; neither avoids the other ; neither is burdensome to the other ; each is at liberty to visit the sick and to support the poor. Psalms and hymns are sung by both, and they vie -with each other as to -who can give most praise unto God. Christ rejoices in hearing and observing these things : and he it is who gives them peace. Where thus two are found in his name, he is in the midst of them, and where he is, the wicked one can not abide." In further illustration of the subject, the at- tention of the reader is directed to the happy marriage of the learned and pious Dr. Adam Clarke. It is said in his biography, " The lady in question was well educated, of a fine natural disposition, deep piety, and sound judgment. They had been acquainted for several years, and their attachment to each other was formed on the purest principles of reason and religion, and was aZ MAURTINa EELIGIOUSLT. consolidated Ti-itli that aifection which, where the natural dispositions are properly suited, will never permit the married life to be a burden ; but, on the contrary, the most powerful help to mental cultivation, and the growth of genuine piety. In such cases, love and affection will be infallibly ripened and mellowed into genuine friendship, esteem, respect, and reverence. The yoke of the conjugal life becomes, as its name imports, an equal yoke; the husband and the wife are both in the harness, and each party bears its proportional share of the burden of do- mestic life ; and in such a case, it may be truly said. The yoke is easy, and the burden is liffht.'" * * * "Few connections of this kind were ever more opposed ; and few, if any, were ever more happy. The steadiness of the parties during this opposition endeared them to each other : they believed that God had joined them together, and no storm or difSculty in life was able to put them asunder." To marry religiously is to marry in the fear of God, and according to the principles laid down in his word. Those who do so, will voluntarily MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. 83 make choice of eacli other, from a firm convic- tion that God has united their hearts, and in his Proyidence given them a mutual adaptation to each other. And how does God unite them ? By creation, providence, and grace ; by sym- pathy, suitability, and love. But, considerations of property, aristocratic connections, and the like, frequently prevent the legal union of persons whose hearts have been already united by God. And thus many have been deprived of suitable companions, and doomed to perpetual celibacy, or to marry those who are not suitable for them. The discord and misery that has been thus pro- duced by the pernicious maxims and practices of society, no tongue can tell. The intelligent and true-hearted Christian will not suffer himself to be drawn aside from the path of duty by the most dazzling prospects of earthly gain. And, least of all, will he sell himself into a state of matrimonial bondage for money. It is said that when the eloquent Summerfield was preaching in one of our large cities, and exciting the in- tense admiration of all classes of people, that he received a note from a wealthy lady, in which 84 MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. she said in substance that her hand, her heart, and her fortune, T\'ere at his disposal. His reply was, ' ' Give your heart to the Lord Jesus Christ, give your fortune to the poor, and give your hand to the man that asks you for it !" The intelligent and true-hearted Christian does not regard marriage as a mere matter of convenience, or of pleasure, but as a means of adding to his usefulness on earth, and of secur- ing to himself a place among the redeemed in heaven. He will not, therefore, like the fortune- hunter, sacrifice all for wealth, nor like a gam- bler, blindly run the risk of a blank or prize in a lottery, nor yet, like the devotee of ambition, marry for the sake of being allied to some family of distinction, but he will seek a wife according to the principles of the Bible. This holy book will, when rightly understood, lead the unmar- ried of both sexes, in contracting matrimonial alliances, to prefer those whose physical, mental, and moral qualifications are the most likely to make the parties mutually happy. " Two kindred souls alone must meet, 'Tia friendship makes the bondage sweet, And feeds their mutual loves." MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. 85 That this may be the case, it is highly import- ant that those who are contemplating such an alliance should take time for reflection upon the subject, that they may not get married heed- lessly, but " reverently, discreetly, and in the fear of God." By neglecting this, and turning a deaf ear to the counsels of judicious friends, many a time a fatal error has been made, and a life-time of sorrow and a premature death have been the result. In many cases, too, it is to be feared, the evil consequences do not end with this life. Many a one, who in early life has prom- ised well for society and the church, has been driven by an improper marriage into the paths of sin and folly, and has gone down to the grave a melancholy example of the sad effects of trans- gression. A little reflection will show that no deception should be practiced by either of the parties for the purpose of bringing about a marriage. It would be much better for the lovers to be candid with each other with regard to the state of their health, the condition of their temporal affairs, and other matters deeply affecting the interests of 86 MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. a family, than for either of them to secure a marriage by the practice of deception, and after- ward to have a discovery made, which, in a great majority of cases, would be a source of lasting discord and unhappiness. Even when they stand at the hymeneal altar, and hear the solemn charge of the minister, if they know any serious impediment to their union, it would be far better to break off the match at that point, than by consummating a union under such circumstances, to bring down upon themselves the reproaches of their own consciences, the scorn of their fellow- men, and the wrath of God. In all such cases, it may be said, in the language of the marriage ritual, that the parties are not joined together by God, neither is their matrimony lawful. In too many cases, matches are made by a sys- tematic course of deception ; the insincerity of young people in their love affairs has long been proverbial, and it is often found that persons who tell the truth on other subjects, feel them- selves at liberty to deviate from it on this. This has been a custom with the world so long that all classes of the people have become familiar MARKYING RELIGIOUSLY. 87 with it, and it almost seems to be a virtue in the estimation of many. It must be evident, however, to all who reflect on the subject, that if lovers would be more candid and truthful with each other, many unhappy marriages would be prevented. A few plain, truthful statements would often break the spell that has been thrown aj-ound a gentleman or a lady, and it would soon be seen that they were not under the influence of "eternal love," but a temporary affection which could speedily be transferred to a more suitable object. As this is a point of great im- portance, a few illustrations from real life are given. An interesting young lady, the. daughter of a highly respectable gentleman m one of our south- ern States, was sent to a boarding-school in one of our northern cities, for the purpose of com- pleting her education. A young gentleman of the city, under the impression that she was a rich southern heiress, courted and married her, without the consent of her parents, but in a few weeks after the consummation of the marriage, on the discovery being made that she was with- 88 MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. out a fortune, the disappointed fortune-hunter gave up his bride, she returned to her father's house, and the affair was kept a secret, until the lady was engaged to another gentleman. Just before the time appointed for her second mar- riage, the fact that she had been married before to one still living was made known, and the mar- riage was forbidden by the authorities of the church. To an intimate friend, the heartless woman observed, with regard to the gentleman who had thus happily escaped the snare : "I never loved old ; but I thought he was a good fellow, and that he would take care of me." For the following case I am indebted to Fowler on Marriage : " A gentleman in Lowell, Massachusetts, mar- ried a lady who had a large and splendid head, and supposed she had a body equally large and healthy to support it. He was informed by a phrenologist that the head was too large for the size of the body ; but he thought otherwise, for to all appearance her bust was fully developed ; but, to his surprise, after they were married, he found MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. 89 that her fine form and plumpness was more than half cloth ; forgetting, I suppose, that Lowell was a manufacturing town, and that there was an abundance of raw material that could be molded into the outward semblance of vitality by the milliner's hand." " A distinguished young man from the South, making great pretensions to rank and wealth at home, paid attentions to a young lady residing near New York bay, whose father had been very wealthy, but, owing to reverses, had be- come quite reduced in circumstances ; still, the family maintained their style, and the display of affluence equaled fully what it had been in their palmiet days ; and, by so doing, sustained their reputation in society, in order to allow the young ladies a better opportunity of settling in life. " The new comer, prompted by the desire of securing the prize, and thinking she possessed sufficient of the needful to pay all expenses, dashed out in fine style, ran into every extrava- gance, and displayed the fastest and most beauti- ful horses, etc. Finding debts accumulating and 8* 90 MABRTIN6 EELIGIOUSLT. becoming pressing, lie hurried on the wedding day, -this being the only prospect for their dis- charge. Meanwhile, she, not suspecting that he had falsely represented his situation, and de- lighted at the idea of obtaining so liberal and generous a husband, encouraged his expenses, and was profuse herself, thinking he had the means to settle the bills. They were married ; when, to their astonishment and shame, they found themselves not only destitute of the means to discharge their liabilities, but unable to buy the necessary furniture for housekeeping. " In cases where no deception is used, but a fortune obtained, it is generally a source of con- stant bickering and observation on one side, and of mortification on the other, unless he or she possesses the cool philosophy of the man who, in reply to the observation of his lady, that her money bought the horse upon whose virtues he was expatiating to a number of his friends, said, ' Yes, and your money bought me too.' " Every Christian who contemplates marriage should make the matter a subject of sincere and ardent prayer for divine direction. This is, in- MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. 91 deed, the Christian's duty and privilege in all the affairs of life. The wisest of men has said : " In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." And, in another place, he says, " A prudent wife is from the Lord.'' It is true, then, in some sense, that " matches are made in heaven," though not in the sense that the maxim is sometimes used, as an apology for sordid, foolish, and incongruous marriages. It is impossible to believe that God regards with approbation all marriages that take place; and sometimes it occurs that those who pray to God for direction go, after all, according to the dic- tates of their own blind passion. Two young Methodist ministers, after praying over the sub- ject, asked the advice of their presiding elder with regard to the propriety of courtmg a certain young lady, both declaring that, after seeking di- vine direction, they had come to the conclusion that it was the will of God that they should marry the lady in question. He whose advice they asked, not believing that it was the will of God that the lady should marry both the young preach- ers, went to see her, and married her himself ! 92 MAKETINa RELIGIOUSLY. Although we may be under a temptation to answer our own prayers, it does not lessen the importance of making this a subject of prayer. An all- wise Providence will not suffer those who thus seek him, and follow the directions con- tained in the Bible, to go wrong in choosing a companion for life. A choice made upon the knees, in the sacred hour of prayer, would be very different from one made in the haunts of dissipation, or under the influence of the false maxims of worldly prudence. The couple would be guided by principles pure and holy. Under the approving smiles of heaven, they would unite their hands and their hearts ; and, in hum- ble reliance upon God, take their position among the families of his people. A distinguished divine of the Baptist church, now deceased, makes the follow impressive re- marks with regard to his own unhappy mar- riage : " This signal stroke from the hand of divine Providence will naturally excite an attempt to read and interpret the dispensation. The de- signs of God, you know, are often, for a time, MABRYING RELIGIOUSLY. 93 wrapt in darkness ; but frequently there are some rays of light, by which we may discover, in part, the pointings of the divine hand — the object and tendency of his procedure. And he who is the immediate subject of the stroke, if he be not in a state of stupidity, may, probably, most correctly read and interpret — may most clearly ' hear the rod, and who hath appointed it.' (Micah, vi. 9.) The attachment, which has eventually proved the occasion of this deep afflic- tion, was not, I am persuaded, a sanctified one. The honor of my injured Master, and my own spiritual prosperity, were jeopardized by the in- dulgence of natural inclination; and I might, but for a partial blindness, have so calculated. It is unnecessary to attempt tracing my wander- ings and defects. I thought that I had seen, de- plored, and confessed all of them ; but God has seen proper thus to add poignancy to those exer- cises, and thus to make me see the folly of all human calculations, where his glory is not the ruling object. If ever divine Providence opens the way, I feel an inclination to make myself a beacon, to warn others against the danger 94 MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. of risking their spiritual interests, and the honor of Christ. It is but an imperfect idea that I could give you, even of my imperfect view of the dealings of God in this dispensation. Ilis wisdom, his righteousness, his power, and his goodness too, stand confessed before me ; and yet I am obliged to resolve much into his sover- eignty ; for I pretend not to penetrate into the depths of his designs."* As there are many pretenders to religion, and as the number would probably be increased, if all persons were to refuse to marry except as the Bible directs, "in the Lord," it will occasionally occur that a lady or a gentleman will be imposed upon by a hypocritical pretender to religion. Although this must be regarded as a sad calam- ity, the individual who has been unfortunately duped will have the satisfaction of a clear con- science, which is more than can be said of one who marries a person known to be of an irrelig- ious character. The deceived party will also have a strong claim upon the sympathies of the wise and the good, and a right to claim all the * Memoir of Elder A. Broaddus, of Yirginia. MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. 95 immunities and privileges of the religious life. A case of this kind, however, Avill seldom take place when the current erroneous notions on the subject of courtship and marriage are discarded, and the union is formed in the fear of God. In all cases where there has been a marriage between a religious and an irreligious person, or when one of the parties has become religious subsequent to their marriage, it becomes the im- perative duty of the one who is religious, to be zealous and watchful, so that a good impression in favor of the truth may be made on the other. This is necessary to keep the flame of divine love aUve in the heart of the one, and to cause it to communicate its light and heat to the other. In this way, such alliances have been frequently made to result for good by the Providence of God. It has been seen that when all the power of the press and the pulpit, and all other means of grace have failed, husbands have been won " by the conversation of their wives." And what greater proof of love is it possible for a devoted wife to give than to seek by earnest prayer, and by the power of a blameless life, as 96 MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. well as by her wise and tender counsels, to save her husband from sin and misery ? Less fre- quently may be seen a wife who has been brought into the paths of piety and peace by her husband. But in the majority of cases, these unions have resulted in evil ; and while in most instances of the kind prudence has demanded that the loss of spirituaHty from this cause should not be made known, it has often been confessed with regret and sorrow, that it was a wrong step to enter into a matrimonial alliance with one who did not possess a good moral and religious character. As the Christian world is unhappily divided into a variety of conflicting sects, whose discord- ant views are often a source of strife and bitter- ness in the domestic circle, it is best for those persons to marry who agree in their religious views. A perfect unanimity of views may not be effected, but there are some extremes that would not meet with safety. It is an incongru- ous thing to see Roman Catholics and Protest- ants, or Jews and Christians, united in nuptial bonds. When one regards the other as a heretic or an idolater, how can they live in peace ? How MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. 97 can they feel satisfied -with regard to each other's condition ? And if their union should be blessed ■with children, how can they agree with regard to their education? "You take the boys," says the mother, "and I will take the girls;" and this leads to perpetual strife; and in some in- stances, owing to the unhappy differences of the parents, the children grow up without any relig- ion. Even when the difference is not as great as those just mentioned, serious evils sometimes result from such marriages. It must be a source of pain when a husband and wife have either to separate from each other when they go to the house of God, or to be deprived of the privilege of kneeling together at the throne of grace, to partake of the emblems of the broken body and shed blood of the Redeemer of the world. And the difBculty in this case will appear greater when it. is borne in mind that the more earnest and severe they are in their religious views, the more keenly will this separation be felt, and the less likely will they be to come to an agreement on the subject. The question may arise in this connection, what shall be done when no religious 9 98 MARRYING RBLIQIOUSLT. person can be found of suitable qualifications for a companion, and marriage is evidently to be desired ? Shall the young forego all the advan- tages of marriage rather than marry the irrelig- ious ? This question is of more importance to ladies than gentlemen, as more than tvo thirds of the pious belong to the female sex. The least that could be expected in cases of this kind is, that the pious man or ■woman should prefer as a companion one that is the most favorably disposed to morality and religion. The virtues of indus- try, economy, temperance, and benevolence are often manifested by the irreligious ; and in many cases, there is a siucere respect for religion shown by those who are not yet converted to God. These of course should be preferred before the profligate and the profane. In no case would it be justifiable for a pious woman to marry a drunkard, a libertine, or an atheist ; or for a pious man to unite himself for life to a vain and foolish woman, who is a slave to the fashionable follies of the day. Far better not to marry at all, than to marry, and, through the influence of a wicked husband or wife, to be allured into the MARKYING EELIGIOUSLY. 99 paths of sin and ruin. If persons were not in too great haste to get married, thej would always find a suitable companion, except in those in- stances in which an all- wise Providence evidently designs that they should remain single. In mar- riage, as well as in many other important mat- ters, it has often been found that " patient waiting is no loss." Many years rolled away after Isaac was grown before a suitable com- panion was found for him, and instead of seeking a matrimonial alliance for his son among the great people of the land of Canaan, Abraham sent to a distant land for a woman who feared God. The reply of Labau and Bethuel to the servant of Abraham, when he asked for Rebekah, is a beautiful instance of the simplicity and piety of the patriarchal age : ' ' The thing proceedeth from the Lord ; we can not speak unto thee good or bad." It is worthy of remark also, that when Isaac first saw the lady who had been thus pro- vided for him in the Providence of God, it was when he had gone into the field at eventide for the purpose of meditation and prayer. Martin Luther and Charles Wesley were both married 100 MARRYING RELIGIOUSLY. after they were forty, and their marriages were happy. "The greatest of earthly blessings," said Luther, " is a pious and amiable wife, who fears God and loves her family, one with whom a man may live in peace, and in whom he can repose perfect confidence."* It appears that the great reformer enjoyed much happiness in social intercourse with his wife and children. Writing to a friend, he observes, " My happiness needs no increase — I would not change my poverty for the riches of Croesus." * D'Aubign^'s Hist, of Eef. CHAPTER VII. SECOND MARRIAGES. ) N view of the close and blissful union that ' exists where a proper marriage has been ' consummated, the thought of breaking fthat union and entering upon another matrimonial alliance, would at first appear strange and unnatural. In the halcyon days of ' happy wedded life as well as of courtship, many have said, " If the love of the heart is blighted, it buddeth not again ; If that pleasant song is forgotten, it is to be learned no more;" and especially when we look upon a bereaved husband or wife who has just committed to the grave the mortal remains of one far dearer than all on earth beside, when we witness the agony 9* 102 SECOND MAKBIAGES. and despair that is often manifested on such occasions, -we should not suppose, apart from observation in similar cases, that the bereaved ■would ever marry again. On such occasions, it ■would seem almost like profanation to think on such a subject ; and yet, time is a great physi- cian, God has a healing bahn for every -wounded heart, and in numerous cases, those who have been so unfortunate as to lose a husband or a ■wife, ■will, ■when they have a favorable oppor- tunity, marry a second, third, or fourth time. A glance at the practices of different nations "will show that different views have been held on this subject. Among the ancient Greeks, a ■widow seldom contracted a second marriage, although it was not expressly forbidden. At least, it did not take place until five years or more after her ■widowhood. These polished pagans were not, it appears, in as much inde- cent haste to enter into a new matrimonial alliance as some are in our day. In India, ac- cording to the testimony of a late traveler, there exists an absurd and unnatural law on this sub- ject. The girls of every family are betrothed SECOND MARRIAGES. 103 ■when they are only a few months old; and should the bridegroom die immediately after, the child is considered a widow, and can not marry again. The estate of widowhood is regarded as a great misfortune, for it is supposed that only those women are placed in it who have in some preceding life deserved such a punishment.* The suttee, or immolation of a widow on the funeral pile of her husband, was once a very prevalent practice; but it has been almost en- tirely, if not altogether, abolished, through the influence of the British government. In ancient times, the laws of Menu guarded the widowed female from oppression, and allowed her to con- tract a second marriage. Among the Hebrews, the marriage of widows was encouraged and regulated by the laws of Moses. If a married man died childless, his brother was expected to marry the widow, and thus to perpetuate the family name. (Deuter- onomy, xxiv. 5.) The Apostle Paul, too, while he exhorts the churches to honor them that are "widows indeed," i. e., those who lead a quiet, * Ida Pfeiffer's Voyage Round the "World. 104 SECOND MAREIAGES. retired, mortified, and religious life, exhorts the younger widows to marry, etc. 1 Timothy, V. 4.) That our widows and widowers are not slow to avail themselves of the privilege awarded them by the custom of the country as well as by the laws of the Bible, will be evident to all who look around them. This class of persons, especially when young and interesting, find it easy to get married ; and when endowed with even a mod- erate portion of wealth, they are generally irre- sistible. This has been often a matter of com- plaiat with maids young and old, who have been deprived of their admirers by these fascinating widows. As an illustration, the following peti- tion is given. It was signed by sixteen maids of Charleston, South Carolina, and presented to the governor on March 1, 1733 : " To his Excellency Governor Johnson : "The humble petition of all the maids whose names are underwritten : ' ' Whereas, we, the humble petitioners, are at present in a very melancholy disposition of mind, SECOND MAKRIAGES. 105 considering how all the bachelors are blindly captivated by widows, and our more youthful charms thereby neglected : the consequence of this our request is, that your Excellency will for the future order that no widow shall presume to marry any young man until the maids are provided for ; or else to pay each of them a fine for satisfaction for invading our liberties ; and likewise a fine to be laid on all such bachelors as shall be married to widows. The great disad- vantage it is to us maids is, that the widows, by their forward carriages do snap up the young men ; and have the vanity to think their merits beyond ours, which is a great imposition upon us, who ought to have the preference. " This is humbly recommended to your Ex- cellency's consideration, and hope you will pre- vent any further insults. "And we poor maids, as in duty bound, will ever pray. " P. S. I being the oldest maid, and therefore most concerned, do think it proper to be the messenger to your Excellency in behalf of my fellow-subscribers. ' ' 106 SECOND MAimiAGES. In marrying a second or a third time, more discretion will be required than in the first ; for young persons can more readily accommodate themselves to each other than persons of a more advanced age. The difficulty is greatly increased when children have been left as the issue of the first marriage. It must be a dangeroiis business to marry, as soon as some of both sexes do, un- less they possess the versatility of John Buncle, who, with great facility, ' ' found, adored, mar- ried, and interred his succession of wives, each one, for the time, being not only better than all who went before, but the best in creation." When one has been bereaved of a good husband or a wife, it gives a shock to the finest sensibili- ties of our nature, when in a few short weeks or months the afiections are transferred to another object, and the person but recently from the heart-rending spectacle of the funeral of the dearest friend on earth, should be willing to enter upon the festivities of courtship and mar- riage. On a remarkable case of this kind, Shakespeare exclaims. SECOND MARRIAGES. 107 " Let me not think on't ; Fi'ailty, thy name is Woman I A little month, or ere those shoos were old, "With which she follow'd my poor father's body, Like Niobe, all tears ; — why she, even she — heavens I a beast, that wants discourse of reason. Would have mourned longer — married with my uuole, My father's brother ; but no more like my father Than I to Hercules : Within a month ; Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears Had left the flushing in her galled eyes, She married: — most wicked speed." Unless there are very strong reasons urging the individuals to an early second marriage, a decent respect to the memory of the departed demands that a few years should intervene be- tween the death of the first partner and the mar- riage of a second. But some great and good men take a different view of the subject. They say that if a man loses a good wife, he meets with a great loss — that when she dies she is "as dead as she ever will be" — and that the sooner the chasm in the home circle is filled the better it will be for the family. They urge further, that for one to say he will not marry again, is virtually to affirm that he is not pleased with the married life, and that he is unwilling to under- 108 SECOND MARRIAGES. take it again. On the other hand, these same advocates of early second marriages contend that one can show no better token of respect to the deceased partner than to wed another as soon as possible ! To carry out this principle, to its utmost extent, the sorrowing widower would have to court his second wife at the funeral of the first, or still better, to make his arrangement for a second during the sickness of the first ; a practice which some have adopted, but which requires more want of feeling than falls to the lot of ordinary mortals. Ordinarily, it would be best, in the opinion of the writer, for widowers and widows to inter- marry with each other, where it is practicable. This is supported by the following language of Isaiah : ' ' For as a young man marrieth a virgin, so shall thy sons marry thee." Sir John Chardin, in his MS. note on this place, consid- ers the prophet as expressing himself according to the custom of the East, which was, and is, for youths who were never married to marry virgins, and widowers, however young, to marry widows. (See Harmer's Observ.) So among SECOND MARRIAGES. 109 the Hebrews, the high priest was enjoined to marry a virgin. Lev., x. 9, 10. And in Ezek- iel, xliv. 22, this law is applied to the priesthood generally, except that a priest was allowed to marry the widow of a priest. Even where there are no children in the way to be a source of domestic anxiety and discord, there is danger of depreciating comparisons being made between the first companion and the sec- ond. But where there are many children, a person of much prudence would pause some time before incurring such a responsibility. The posi- tion of a step-father or step-mother is one of great delicacy and difi&culty ; and it is not surprising that so few persons are found equal to its duties. A very common source of difficulty in such cases is the management of the property which orig- inally belonged to the first wife, or which had been, to a great extent, acquired by her skill and industry. When her children see what they consider as their own inheritance in the pos- session of the second wife and her children, it is a fruitful cause of discontent, and hatred, and sometimes it leads to the most fatal con- 10 110 SECOND MAREIAGES. sequences. Thus marriage, like our holy re- ligion, is sometimes the occasion of division ; and then a man's foes are those of his own house- hold. Whenever a second marriage is contem- plated under such circumstances, it is best to have a clear understanding beforehand -with re- gard to these matters, so that there may be no ground for disappointment or complaint after- ward. And those who have the prospect of forming an alliance that would subject them to the imputation of sordid motives, and to the dis- tracting disquietudes of a family circle, where step-father or step-mother is regarded with an evil eye, should consider well before the final step is taken. If in full view of all the respon- sibilities of the position, one who has never been married before, and who is without experience in the training of children and the management of household affairs, feels competent for the under- taking, it is not only commendable, but in some cases it is an act of Christian heroism to become a husband to the widow and a father to the fatherless, or a wife to the widower and a mother to the motherless. The cases are. we hope, not SECOND MAKRIAGES. Ill few, in which, under the influence of true be- nevolence, these second marriages have been crowned with the richest blessings of heaven. A remarkable instance is related by the eccentric Ida Pfeiifer, in the work which has already been referred to. Mr. William Hebworth, whose father was an Englishman and his mother a Persian, when a lad of sixteen, was taken from Persia to Bombay, and there, in the house of a friend of his father's, met with the kindest re- ception, and through the same influence procured an appointment. One day his protector, who was married and the father of four children, had the misfortune to be killed by a fall from his horse, and thereupon William Hebworth took the really magnanimous resolution of marrying the widow, who was many years his senior, and whose only fortune was four children, in order to repay, in some measure, the services of his deceased benefactor. CHAPTER VIII. THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. " I bless thee for the nohle heart, The tender and the trne, Where mine has found the happiest rest That e'er fond -woman's knew. I bless thee, faithful friend and guide, For my own, my treasured share. In the mournful secrets of thy soul, In thy sorrow, in thy prayer." — HEji^inrs. )HE marriage vow may be regarded as a pledge of indissoluble friendship, to the observance of which the husband and the wife are mutually bound by the most solemn obligations. It becomes, therefore, their duty to consider well how they may the most faithfully meet their responsi- bilities. The first duty of the married pair, and one which, indeed, comprehends every other, is to love one another. Love is the soul of wed- lock, without which the performance of the mar- THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. 113 riage ritual ia an unmeaning ceremony. The iron manacles and fetters of law may restrain from the commission of crimes against society, but they can not bind together souls that are dis- united in affection. It is important, then, for all ■who are married to use those means that are best adapted to keep the flame of love brightly burning on the altar of their hearts. The hus- band, especially, needs a caution here. Nature has so ordered it, that men become less ardent after marriage than they were before, while with woman it is the reverse. Naturally more affectionate and confiding, love is to her an all-absorbing passion, which, under favorable circumstances, lives, and grows, and becomes more vigorous by the lapse of time. Hence, the holy Scriptures contain no precept on the subject, specially addressed to wives ; but exhorts the husband, who is most in danger of neglecting his duty in this respect, in the following im- pressive words: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. * * * So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth 10* 114 THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. his wife loveth himself." As the love of Christ to the church is sincere, ardent, constant and self- sacrificing, so should be th e love of a husband to his wife. And as a man should love himself, so as to do himself all the good that he can, and to do himself no harm, so ought a man to love his wife. As sap is to the vine, as breath to the body, or holiness to the soul, so is love to the relation of husband and wife. And the Holy Spirit, by presenting to the husband the sublime example of Christ, has indicated the vast import- ance of cultivating this principle with jealous care; for though love is, to a great extent, in- voluntary in its commencement, it may be made to flourish abundantly by cultivation, or it may wither and die through neglect. " Love," says Coleridge, "is the completion of one being in another." The husband, then, who neglects to cherish it, destroys himself The love of a faithful husband is manifested in a constant effort to promote the happiness of his wife. When this simple and eflicacious rule is kept in mind, occasions Tor its manifestation will be constantly arising in the daily intercourse of THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. 115 life. It will not be, however, by conferring momentary gratifications, which may result in injury to the beloved object, or in petty at- tentions, that sometimes have nothing but the semblance of affection, but in constant and self- denying efforts to promote her real interests in time and eternity. The faithful husband manifests his affection for his wife by his diligence in business, his economy, and his untiring efforts to supply his family with food and raiment, and all the neces- saries and conveniences of life, according to the position that they occupy in society. A man who will not do this is not only wanting in love, but he has " denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." The adage, " When poverty comes in at the door, love flies out at the window," is true when that poverty has been brought in by the sloth and extravagance of either the husband or the wife. It is true, there are many wonderful things in this world, and among the most won- derful are cases in which a high-minded, pure, and gifted woman has been reduced to poverty and misery by the conduct of her husband ; and 116 THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. yet she has clung to him with undying affection. But -who shall tell the agony that she has en- dured, or the degradation of such a husband in the estimation of the wise and the good ? Un- worthy is that man of a wife who will not labor for her support ; for it is evident that he neither loves her as Christ loved the church, nor as he loves himself Jacob, we are told, served seven years for Eachel ; " and they seemed to him but a few days, for the love he had to her ;" and in every case where true love exists, it will render those who are brought under its influence willing to toil for the support of the beloved object. But while it is the special duty of the husband, as the head of the family, to provide for its sup- port, a part of the responsibility rests also upon the wife. In marriage there should be no sepa- rate possessions, nor clashing interests. One in heart and mind, the wedded pair should have all things in common ; and should the wife have the ability, or the opportunity, it is her duty to aid in procuring a support. In the majority of cases, however, it falls to the lot of the husband to do this, and to the wife, by prudence, econo- THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. 117 my and skilfull management of her domestic duties, to promote the common welfare of the household. It is thought by many learned and pious com- mentators, that the Apostle Peter has reference to the duty of a husband to make a suitable pro- vision for his wife, when he says, " Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowl- edge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of hfe." (1 Peter, iii. 7.) As a woman is weaker in body or person than her husband, and subject to many troubles and infirmities from which he is exempt, it is due to her that he should afford her a proper supply of the neces- saries and comforts of life, and as much relief from bodily labor as their circumstances will allow. Such is the practice of modern Christian society ; and it is in a great degree owing to the Bible view of the subject, that woman is not now, in Christian communities, as she was among the aborigines of our country, the mere drudge and slave of man. The good husband will honor his wife in an- 118 THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. other sense. Though she is inferior to him in strength and size, and in some other respects, he will honor her as one given to him by God as a compa?iion and helper, and as entitled to his highest consideration and respect. In our day there has been much discussion and excitement ■with regard to the "rights of woman," and some infidels and fanatics seem to manifest a great anxiety to reverse the order of God and nature, by sundering the ties that unite the two sexes, and arraying them in ridiculous hostility to each other. The Bible, while it gives the place of preeminence to man, shows that there is little superiority on either side. One is the comple- tion of the being of the other ; and it is impos- sible for one to fill the place of the other. As Dr. Adam Clarke appropriately observes, " The female has what the man wants, beauty and deli- cacy. The male has what the female wants, courage and strength. The one is as good in its place as the other." Or, to adopt the language of Milton'in Paradise Lost : " In their looks divine The image of their glorious Maker shone, THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. 119 Truth, wiaclom, sanctitude severe and pure (Severe, but in true filial freedom placed). Whence true authority in men ; though both Not equal, as their sex not equal seemed ; For contemplation he, and valor formed, For softness she, and sweet attractive grace." The good husband 'will therefore honor his wife, not only by making a suitable provision for her wants, but by showing the most kind and re- spectful attention to her at all times, and never in the presence of their children or domestics, indulging in any conduct toward her, which is calculated to diminish her influence or to degrade her in their estimation. The faithful husband looks without severity, and with much charity, upon any imperfections or defects of character that he may discover in his wife. Though in the golden hours of court- ship, when the parties saw each other under the most favorable circumstances, the fond lover may have looked upon his chosen one as replete with every grace, and free from the imperfections and defects of ordinary mortals, after the violence of his passion begins to abate, and the novelty of his situation is gone, he will find that his bride 120 THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. partakes of the common infirmities of humanity. It will seldom, if ever, fail to appear that, though there is a general concord in the views and feel- ings of the newly-Avedded pair, there are points of disagreement which will call for the exercise of mutual charity, patience, and forbearance. The kind husband will then take care lest he should be led by temporary ebullitions of passion, or by any manifestation of suUenness or indiffer- ence, to inflict pain upon the wife of his bosom. "Marriage," says a late writer, "is to a woman at once the happiest and the saddest event of her life. It is the promise of future bliss raised on the death of present enjoyment. She quits her home, her parents, her companions, her occupa- tions, her amusements, every thing on which she has hitherto depended for comfort, for affection, for kindness, for pleasure. The parents by whose voice she has been guided, the sister to whom she dared to impart every embryo thought and feeling, the brother who has played with her, by turns the counselor and the counseled ; and the younger children, to whom she has hitherto been the mother and the playmate, all are to be THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. 121 forsaken at one fell stroke ; every former tie is loosened, the spring of every hope and action is to be changed ; and she flies with joy into the untrodden path before her. Buoyed up by the confidence of requited love, she bids a fond and grateful adieu to the life that is past, and turns Tvith excited hopes and joyous anticipations of the happiness to come. Then woe to the man who can blight such fair hopes — who can treach- erously lure such a heart from its peaceful en- joyment and the watchful protection at home — who can, coward-like, break the illusions that have won her, and destroy the confidence which love had inspired." The faithful husband finds much of his happi- ness at home in the society of his wife and chil- dren. Love, we are told, flies on its beautiful wings out of his own heart to find a home in the heart of another. Love delights in the conver- sation of the beloved object. It is true, the claims of business and the good of society compel the most of mankind to be much of their time away from home, and it is best both for the hus- band and the wife, that they should spend a por- 11 122 THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. tion of their time alone. But the true-hearted husband prefers the society of his -wife before any other ; and he so arranges his affairs as to spend as much of his time as possible at home. Nor is he deterred from this by the cries of the children nor the occasional disturbances that may arise in the family circle. The waywardness and folly, the boisterous mirth, and the mischievousness of the little ones, may disturb his equanimity for awhile, and occasionally provoke him to anger, but he will regard their fretfulness and peevish- ness with pity, and willingly bear his part of the arduous task of curbing the unruly tempers of the children and leading his sons and daughters into the paths of piety and peace. Instead of making the boisterous merriment of the children a pretext for absenting himself from home, he will rejoice in it as an indication of their health and happiness. And if the family circle should be invaded by sickness, or affliction of any kind, the presence of the husband and the father is imperatively demanded. Kindness and constant attention in the hour of affliction are, in the esti- mation of some ladies, the strongest proofs of THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. 123 affection that a husband can give. And it must appear evident to the most careless observer that no one who habitually leaves his wife at home, and seeks for happiness in other places, can per- form his duty in this respect. There is a great difference between the inhabitants of towns and the country in regard to this point ; and it may be partly owing to the fact that husbands in the rural districts stay much more at home with their families than they do in towns, that we find more virtue and religion in the country than we do in the tovra. Cities and towns, especially those great hives of sin and misery in the old world, are proverbial for their wickedness of every kind, as well as for their want of attention to the duties of home. But in town and country some good husbands in other respects are sadly delinquent in this matter. While they provide well for their families, their leisure hours are devoted to places of amusement and to the society of their friends and associates, while the wife is left at home, fearing that the heart of her husband has been alienated from her, and suffering all the pangs of solitude and neglect. It may be seen occasion- 124 THE FAITHFUL HUSBAKD. ally, too, that some viho spend much of their time in religious meetings, and are very zealous for the church generally, go to the house of God alone, and sometimes in the company of other ladies, ivhile their wives are left at home, as though they had no part nor lot in the matter. This, to say the least of it, does not look well ; for it is as clear as a sunbeam to every reflecting mind that a faithful husband ai'dently desires that the wife of his bosom may share with him all the sweet and refreshing privileges of the sanctuary of the Most High. In this, and in all other matters of the kind, a man should con- tinue to manifest the same desire to gratify his wife that he did to please her before he knew that he had gained possession of her heart. It is painful in the extreme to witness the difference that sometimes exists between the lover and the husband in regard to those delicate acts of court- esy and kindness, which are so grateful to the heart of a woman. It is owing to a want of at- tention to these minor morals, the "small coin of social intercourse," that there is so much coldness and indifference toward each other with THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. 125 some in the married relation ; and that the marked difference of conduct that frequently is observed before and after marriage has been a theme for satire in every age. By kind -words, neatness in his dress, cleanliness in his person, abstinence from luxurious indulgences that are hurtful or ofiFensive to his wife, and a thousand other things too numerous to be named, the faith- ful husband will so conduct himself that aftei twenty years spent in wedlock, he will be more a lover than ever. And if the happy pair should be allowed in the providence of God to spend the evening of their days together, they will cling more closely to each other, and show to the world the sublime spectacle of a love that bids defiance to all the changes of time. jMay we not hope that such a union, in a modified form, will be perpetuated in the eternal world? One of the English poets has given us an answer : "They sin who tell us love can die. With life all other passions fly, All others are but vanity. In heaven ambition can not dwell, Nor avarice in the vaults of hell, 1 1* 126 THE FAITHFUL HUSBAND. Earthly these passions as of earth, They perish where they had their birth ; But love is indestructible I Its holy flame forever burneth, From heaven it came, to heaven retumeth ; Too oft on earth a troubled guest, At times deceived, at times oppressed ; It here is tried and purified. Then hath in heaven its perfect rest. It soweth here vrith toil and care. But the harvest-time of love is there I" SOUTHET. CHAPTER IX. THE FAITHFUL WIFE. " Oh, blest with temper whose unclouded ray Can make to-morrow cheerful as to-day ; She who ne'er answers till her husband cools, Or if she rules him, never shows she rules ; Charms by accepting, by submitting sways ; Yet has her humor most when she obeys." )HEN we look at the portrait of a faithful wife, as it has been drawn by the pencil of divine inspiration, we shall be attracted not only by its loveliness but also by its fidelity to nature. No rational being who is acquainted with the general character of the sexes, and the difference between them, can suppose that wives should rule their husbands ; but, in view of the superiority of man in size, strength, courage, and other qualities indispensable in a ruler, it is evi- dent that woman should be in subjection to man. 128 THE FAITHFUL WIFE. Hence, the holy Scriptures, which are always found to agree with the analogies of nature, are explicit on this subject. "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands in the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church ; and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands in every thing."* As it is the duty of the church to submit to Christ as her gov- ernor, guide, and guardian, so it is the duty of a wife to submit to her husband. This duty is also enjoined by the Apostle Peter, as follows : "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands."! There are other texts in the Bible teaching the same truth, but these are sufficient to establish my position. The faithful wife will submit to the will of her husband in all those things that do not conflict with her duty to God, which limitation is implied by the words of the apostle, when he says, ' ' Wives submit yourselves to your own hus- bands, in the Lord." This point is well guarded * Ephes., ^n. 22-24. f 1 Peter, iii. 1. THE FAITHFUL WIFE. 129 by an old English author, in a work entitled " The Whole Duty of Man," as follows : " Yet this power and obedience of husbands and wives must have their proper bounds ; the one may exercise a power that belongs not to them, and the other refuse submission where it is due. Thus it is certain that a wife owes no subjection to her husband, against the laws of either God or man : and no command or example of a husband will excuse a wife offending against a known law of God, or doing any thing im- -moral : she owes him no subjection in such mat- ters ; he is himself a rebel to their common Lord and Master, while commanding any unlawful action, and she is with him in the transgression. And in other matters their disobedience will be faulty, where they can not make their excuse by reason and discretion, allowed custom, decency, and good fame. Some may ask. Who shall be the judges in such a case? I answer, Wives must not oppose their wills to their husbands, or reasons to reasons, unless they are plainly op-_ pressed, lest they be found to contend for mas- tery ; and if the will and reason of one be equal 130 THE FAITHFUL WIFE. to the other's, it is something besides that must determine who shall yield, and to that we must recur to know who must obey." This subjection of the wife to the husband is of a nature consistent with the idea of compan- ionship, and circumscribed within the limits of reason and religion. It is not like the relation of master and servant, or slave, as some enemies of matrimony afiSrm, but it is the dependence of one true friend upon another, in matters con- cerning which one has naturally and religiously the superiority over the other, and concerning which they have voluntarily entered into a sol- emn covenant mutually binding the parties. Marriage, as it has been observed in a previous chapter of this work, finds an emblem in the union of the oak and the vine, the latter cling- ing to the former, and supported by it, and com- pelled to some extent to follow its humors and inclinations. The remark is often made, in our day, that women rule their husbands ; and I know a shrewd minister of the gospel who declares that he would take a long journey to get a glimpse of THE FAITHFUL WIFE. 131 a man who is not governed by his -wifo. It must be confessed that the cases in which the woman "usurps authority over the man" are rather too numerous for the good of society; but at the same time it must be allowed, that where the couple have been " unequally yoked," where the wife, by superior energy, intelligence, and wis- dom, contrives to have her own way, she is not to be blamed, provided that she sways her scepter in such a way as not to expose her husband to the pity and contempt of others. Provided that the husband will quietly submit to it, the wrong does not consist in the assumption of the reins of government by the wife, but in the incon- gruous union itself Feminine minds in men and masculine minds in women are both devia- tions from the ordinary course of nature, and unfortunate for the subjects. And when the woman of masculine mind is married to the man of feminine mind, of course the former will strive for and generally gain the mastery. But, even in this case, the faithful wife will not refuse to obey her husband, in all matters where he may rightfully claim her subjection. An inspired 132 THE PAITHFUL WIFE. apostle has said that a woman should reverence her husband, but no woman can possibly do this who takes a place which has been denied to her alike by reason and religion. Nor can that fam- ily be the abode of peace, where the rightful head is subject to the whims and caprices of a termagant wife, who will have her own way, whatever may be the consequences. In all such cases, where the tyranny of a domestic female usurper has full sweep, there is an end of all the advantages which usually flow from fam- ily connections, the order of nature is inverted, the laws of God are trampled upon, and the un- happy husband and children too frequently be- come a prey to vice and misery. Another important feature in the character of a faithful wife is beautifully set forth by the Apostle Peter, in connection with a warning against extravagance in dress : ' ' Whose adorn- ing," he says, " let it not be that outward adorn- ing of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel, but let it be the hidden man of the heart, even the ornament of a MEEK and QUIET SPIRIT." Those females who THE FAITHFUL WIFE. 133 attach so much importance to splendid attire, and beautiful ornaments, while they neglect the dec- orations of the soul, might be made to blush for their want of sense and religion by a heathen philosopher : Crates, as quoted by Plutarch, says, "Neither gold, nor emeralds, nor pearls, grace and ornament a woman, but all those things which clearly express and set off her grav- ity, regularity, and modesty. The faithful wife will not suffer herself to be led astray by the vain and foolish fashions of the times, nor will she waste the substance of her husband by an extravagant expenditure of his income in dress, equipage, etc., but she will strive to be lovely in his sight, and in the estimation of all by whom she is surrounded, by wearing the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit." The mildness, softness, sweetness of temper, herein inculcated is peculiarly appropriate in a wife, and is opposed to a fretful, peevish, and contentious spirit, which has ever been the bane of domestic felicity. "It is better," says the wise man, " to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious woman." Again, he observes : 12 134 THE FAITHFUL WIFE. "A continual dropping, in a very rainy day, and a contentious woman, are alike." As a ■wife, a mother, or a mistress, woman is under strong temptations to indulge in this fretful dis- position ; and, as it is a growing evil, it is in- cumbent upon her. to cultivate the spirit of meekness. If she should be injured, she must not retaliate ; if she should have her feelings wounded by the partner of her life, in a moment of passion or forgetfulness, instead of flying into a passion, or indulging in a fit of moody silence and obstinacy, she should, after the example of her Saviour, show by her conduct that she is meek and lowly in heart. In this way she will more effectually overcome any kind of oppression or wrong-doing than by the manifestation of a contrary spirit. "A soft answer turneth away wrath;" and many a wayward wanderer from the paths of rectitude has been reclaimed by the meekness and forbearance of his wife. Nearly allied to meekness is cheerfulness — a disposition which is of great value in a wife. Some ladies are naturally of such a lively, san- guine temperament that they constantly look at THE FAITHFUL WIFE. 135 the sunny side ; and it is impossible to repress the buoyancy of their feelings to any great extent. Such a disposition ought to be prized more highly than thousands of silver and gold. The presence of such an one is hailed with delight ; for she brings the sunshine of love to all who are favored with her company. And though her countenance may be occasionally overshadowed with gloom, and her eyes dark- ened with tears, the fit of sadness is brief as an April shower : soon she gladdens those who are around her with cheerful smiles, and drives away the dark clouds of despondency with the melody of song. Others, not so gifted by nature, have succeeded, by the aid of reason and religion, in overcoming their natural imperfections, and have attained to a degree of excellence in this grace that exercises a powerful influence on their own happiness, and on the circle in which they move. And who shall tell the importance of this temper in a wife to a husband's peace and happiness ? In the midst of the harassing cares and perplex- ities of life, the toils of business, the pangs of disappointment, and all the ills incident to hu- 136 THE FAITHFUL WIFE. manity, it would add greatly to the sorrows of a husband, if, when he found time to be at home, instead of being soothed and encouraged by the gentle words and cheerful smiles of a true- hearted, loving wife, he should be constantly perplexed and annoyed by the murmurings and complainings of a dissatisfied, ill-tempered woman. It is true the hour of affliction will come, and the merriest heart will be overcome with sadness ; and there is reason for joy even in this, paradoxical as it may appear when it is first stated. Those spots of the earth's surface that enjoy perpetual sunshine are entirely bar- ren ; and those hearts which are never chastened with sorrow do not produce the glorious fruits of righteousness. It is good to be afflicted; but even then, " a cheerful heart doeth good like medicine ; but a broken spirit drieth the bones." What language can express the value of this lov- ing, cheerful spirit ? It is a golden' key, with which a wife may unlock her husband's heart, and then walk unchallenged through all its in- most recesses. It adds sweetness to every cup of joy, and extracts the bitterness from many a THE FAITHFUL WIPE. 137 cup of sorrow. To such a wife, the husband may, in his hours of despondency, address him- self in the language of the bard of Avon : " When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state, And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, And look upon myself, and curse my fate, "Wishing me hke to one more rich in hope, Featured like him, like him with friends possessed, Desiring tliis man's art, and that man's scope. With what I most enjoy contented least ; Tet in these thoughts, myself almost despising. Haply I think on thee, and then my state (Like to the lark at break of day arising From sullen earth), sings hymns at heaven s gate ; For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings. That then I scorn to change my state with kings." The glory of Pukitt is one of the brightest or- naments of a female ; and it is the obvious duty of a wife to guard it with the most jealous care. There are some persons who foolishly imagine, that as soon as a young lady is married she may begin to throw off her maidenly reserve, and take pleasure in indelicate allusions, or in im- pure conversation. And there are some gentle- men who seem to take pleasure in doing violence to the feelings of young married ladies by their 12* 138 THE FAITHFUL WIFE. improper tales and ill-timed jests. No lady of intelligence or refinement will suffer herself to indulge in such conversation, or to listen -with approbation to others \Yho engage in it. The purity of her heart will he manifested not only in her conversation, but in the neatness and simplicity of her attire, and the modesty of her general deportment. In the midst of all the onerous and responsible duties of her position, it is given to her to be clothed in the spotless robe of innocence, as well as to be " all-glorious within." And that she may keep her garments unstained in her intercourse with the world, she will guard against every source of defilement with the most jealous care. She will not only avoid all intercourse with those from whom she apprehends danger in this respect, but she will not suffer her mind and heart to be polluted by the pernicious literature of the day ; the poems, novels, and romance, which have been the ruin of multitudes who once were traveling in the ways of virtue and peace. In close connection with this point, it may he observed that a faithful wife will pay a due re- THE FAITHFUL WIFE. 139 gard to neatness and taste in her dress, and to cleanliness in her person and habitation. She ■will not waste her substance, and hinder her use- fulness by extravagance in dress, or excessive adorning of her person, but she "will be neat and tasteful in her attire, and endeavor to make plain garments appear beautiful by her graceful man- ner of wearing them. " Cleanliness," says John "Wesley, " is next to godliness ;" and, though some may think that this is too small a motto to be introduced here, from long observation, I am satisfied that there is a necessity for an admonition on the subject. A minister who travels extensively has ample opportunities to observe the great difference that exists in this respect among the people, and the sad effects sometimes produced by the culpable inattention of some wives to this duty. It too often occurs that those who before marriage were scrupulously neat and clean, become disgracefully negligent in a very short time. When I have visited some places, and have looked at the wife and children, I have soon understood why the husband was seldom at home in his leisure hours. 140 THE FAITHFUL WIFE. Alas for him ! lie had been captivated by youthfulness and beauty, and he thought he had married one who would be to him a pleasant companion; but he found himself permanently united to a lazy, slovenly creature, whose want of cleanliness with regard to herself, her chil- dren, and her habitation, was a source of con- tinual mortification and sorrow. Habits of industry and economy are essen- tially necessary in the character of a faithful wife. A man who has an idle, extravagant wife, who loves to take her ease, to trifle away her time in the day, to indulge in dissipation at night, and to lie in bed late in the morning, will not be very likely to prosper in the world, or to enjoy much peace of mind. But he who has an in- dustrious, economical wife, who is content to live within her husband's income, and who will help him as far as she can, though he may be poor, will probably get along smoothly through life, and escape many of the ills that prevail among mankind. It is, in a great measure, from the idleness, pride, and extravagance of fashionable females, that in many places, especially in our THE FAITHFUL WIFE. 141 large cities, the fabric of society seems to be tot- tering to its fall.* And this is a growing evil ; and many who in other respect lead pious lives, * The following extract from the New York Times is com- mended to the serioua consideration of all who may read this volume : " Talk of the moralities of false issues of stocks, and the host of other fraudulent transactions 1 Talk of railroad manias, and the many reckless pui'suits of speculating life I The evil is not with them. It is not in Wall-street. It is not in banks and brokers. Look to your splendid avenues — 3'our fine pal- aces, named hotels — your five thousand-dollar parties — your silks and wines— -your whole system of modern American show. There you have the root of this consuming cancer — • there, and there only, the flesh and blood that feed its spread- ing poison. What is the use of wasting words on our system of business — on excessive credit — on fictitious negotiations, so long as vain and silly wives are urging on their vainer and sillier husbands to this aU-devouring ruin I The cure is needed at home ; and, until our domestic vices are reformed, we are whistling down the wind in every effort made to rectify the monstrous error. A great part of this tremendous evil is due to our women. It is hard to think it — ^harder to write it — but, nevertheless, it is plain, honest truth. They are the money maelstroms — they, and their sUks, wines, carpets, hangmgs, and equipages — and in them are swallowed up the mUlions that are reported in our financial disasters. Psalma for then- souls — ^liturgies of sorrow — requiems of death — any thing in the way of thunder and Hghtning would be, just now, the next thing to a Gospel, if it could arouse our women to arrest the enormous drafts they are making on the exchequer of the world." 142 XHE FAITHFUL WIFE. are carried away with, the prevailing luxurious- ness and extravagance of the times. Many gen- tlemen are afraid to marry, because, as they aiErm, it costs so much to support a wife. It must be confessed, that while with some this is altogether a mistake, there is often good reason for the fear, when we behold how many have been embarrassed all their lives in this way. The poet Cowper has drawn a graphic picture of a certain class of English women, who have some imitators on this side of the Atlantic : " Her ■women, insolent, and self-caresaed, By vanity's unwearied linger dressed, Forgot tlie blush that virgin fears impart To modest cheeks, and borrowed one from art ; Curled, scented, furbelowed, and flounced around, "With feet too delicate to touch the ground. They stretch the neck and roll the wanton eye, And sigh for every fool that passes by." Of course, a wise man would not, if he knew it, enter into a matrimonial alliance with one of this class ; and if he should have the misfortune to be caught in such a snare, it should be his con- stant aim to bring her to a better mind. The following picture of a good wife, taken from the THE FAITHFUL WIFE. 143 Book of Proverbs, furnishes a striking contrast to CoTvper's description of the -vroman of fashion : " Who can find a virtuous vroman? for her price is above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil : she will do him good, and not evil, all the days of his life. She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her chil- dren arise up and call her blessed : her husband also, and he praiseth her. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain ; but a woman that feareth the Lord', she shall be praised." If this admirable picture, drawn by the pencil of divine inspiration, were faithfully studied and imitated by the present race of females, it would exert a vast influence for good upon society. We should then see woman in her primitive sim- plicity, beauty, and innocence, as she is occasion- ally seen now in some parts of our land ; not a whining, sickly sentimentalist, loaded with trink- 144 THE FAITHFUL WIFE. ets and gewgaws ; but a suitable companion for a good man, and a ministering angel to all around her. Cheerful, industrious, intelligent, and pious, she would move in the family circle with "Grace in all hor steps, heaven in her eye, In every gesture, dignity and love." The faithful wife docs not destroy her health by a life of luxurious ease, or hj a willful neglect of the laws that govern her being. Why should her husband be a widower and her children motherless ? She does not injure her constitu- tion by excessive indulgence in the pleasures of the table, by midnight revelings, neglect of ex- ercise in the open air, or by any sensual indulg- ence whatever. She regards her health and strength as talents committed to her by heaven, which she may not undervalue or heedlessly cast away without incurring the displeasure of the Most High. It is from want of attention to this duty, that the physical character of our people is rapidly deteriorating, and that every third woman with whom we meet is an invalid. The lady of enlightened piety will feel it to be a sacred duty THE FAITHFUL WIFE. 145 to give the weight of her influence and example against that enervating and sinful course — that softness and needless self-indulgence, which if persisted ia will make this a ' ' nation of hospi- tals." Instead of running night after night to the haunts of fashionable folly, and thus laying the foundation for consumption, and a host of fatal diseases, she will retire early, rise with the lark, and find her pleasures in the face of day, in those healthful employments of body and mind which are in harmony with the laws of her being. The true-hearted wife is a faithful keeper of her husband's secrets. She will not, out of a gossiping disposition, or to show her own supe- riority, reveal his faiUngs and infirmities to others ; but it will be her constant aim to hide his faults and to give no occasion to others to impair his character or to destroy his peace. In this respect, " the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her," and he knows full well that the prying eye of curiosity, the rude gaze of vulgarity, and the machinations . of malice, will assail her in vain. The sacred seal of secresy is upon her lips, with regard to all those matters 13 146 THE FAITHFUL WIFE. that belong to the home circle, and -which may not with safety be intrusted to others. In the day of suffering and calaniity she does not murmur and repine, nor upbraid her husband with his misfortunes, but she clings more closely to him in the hour of adversity. She willingly goes with him into poverty, disgrace or exile ; for "many waters can not quench her love," neither can the floods drown it. Her love is not like the transient glare of the meteor, but the steady glow of the morning-star : it shines with unchanging luster amid all the fluctuations of time. Or if there is any difierenee at all, it shines more brightly in the midst of the greatest darkness. It is the nearest approach that can be made on earth to the love of him, whose name is Love, and who is "the same yesterday, and to-day, .and forever." A WIFE'S PRATEE. " Lord, bless and preserve that dear person whom thou hast chosen to be my husband — let his life be long and blessed, comfortable and THE FAITHFUL WIFE. 147 holy; and let me also become a great blessing and a comfort unto him, and a sharer, in all his sorrows, a meet helper in all the accidents and changes in the world ; make me amiable forever in his eyes, and forever dear to him ! Unite his heart to me in all the dearest love and holi- ness, and mine to him in all sweetness, charity, and compliance ! Keep me from all ungentle- ness, all discontentedness, and unreasonableness of passion and humor ; and make us humble and obedient, usefiil and observant, that we may de- light in each other, according to thy blessed word, and both of us may rejoice in thee, having our portion in the love and service of God for- ever ! Amen." CHAPTER X. THE DUTY OF CHRISTIAN PAEBNTS. " Deliglitful task 1 to rear the tender thought, To teach the fair idea how to shoot; To breathe th' enlivening spirit, and to fix The generous purpose in the glowing breast." — Thomson, )HE education of children is a subject of vast importance to the peace and pros- perity of families, and to the -welfare of society. In all its departments, phys- ical, intellectual, moral, and religious, it will call for the most serious consideration on the part of all who are intrusted with the care of the rising generation. It does not comport either with the limits or the design of this work to enter upon the subject, except to offer some ob- servations with regard to its moral and religious aspects. This is an age of great activity and improvement in physical and intellectual science. CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 149 More than usual attention is paid to the physical training of the young, and the rage for intellec- tual cultivation almost amounts to a mania ; but it is feared by many "who have abundant facilities for a proper knowledge of this matter, that there is great neglect of that kind of training which leads a child to give its young heart to God. The object of this chapter is to consider THE EBLIGIOtJS EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. Children, according to the Scriptures, are the gift of God; and therefore he distinctly claims them as his own. " Lo, children," says the Psalmist, " are an heritage of the Lord ; and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them." (Psalm cxxvii.) When Esau met his brother returning from Padan Aram, and saw the women and the children that were around him, he asked, "Who are these with thee?"' Jacob answered, "The children whom God hath graciously given thy servant." 13* 150 THE DUTY OF And among the most heinous sins charged upon the people of Jerusalem by the Almighty is this : " Thou hast slain my children." (Ezekiel, xvii. 21.) Again, the Saviour, when in the prosecution of his earthly mission, said, "Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones ; for I say unto you that in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven." On another occasion, he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them and blessed them, and said, " Suffer the little chil- dren to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of heaven." It should therefore always be kept in mind that one of the fundamental laws of the Messiah's kingdom is that children are the heritage of the Lord ; and to all Christian parents who are intrusted with the management of them, God says, aa Pharaoh's daughter said to the mother of Moses, "Take this child away and nurse it for me, and I will give thee thy wages." In our day, this important obhgation is gen- erally supposed to rest with the mother ; and too often it is left to the pastor or the Sunday-school CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 151 teacher ; but the parents can not with safety place the responsibility upon others ; and the Scrip- tures, instead of making this the special duty of mothers, expressly say, "And ye fathers, pro- voke not your children to wrath, but bring them up iu the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Among the religious principles that parents should endeavor to instill into the minds of their children, the following are regarded as of pri- mary importance : 1. Obedience to parents. On the inculca- tion of this principle in infancy depends much of the peace of families, the welfare of society, and the advancement of the church of God. A child who has never been trained to this duty, will ahvays be unwilling to submit to the laws of God or man. This has been observed in every age and in every land ; and therefore the most successful in training up the young have taken special pains with regard to this matter. The following illustrations will present the matter clearly to the mind of the reader : George Washington's mother was once asked by some French officers how she succeeded so well in the 162 THE DUTY OF education of her illustrious son ; and her reply ■was that he was well instructed in the lesson of filial obedience. Next to the great American warrior and statesman may be mentioned John Wesley, the distinguished founder of Method- ism. Perhaps no woman who ever lived suc- ceeded better in the education of her children than did the mother of the Wesleys. In a letter to her son she thus expresses her views on this subject : "In order to form the minds of chil- dren, the first thing to be done is to conquer their will, and bring them to an obedient temper. To inform the understanding is a work of time, and must, with children, proceed by slow degrees as they are able to bear it ; but the subjecting the will, is a thing which must be done at once ; and the sooner the better. For by neglecting timely correction, they will contract a stubbornness and obstinacy, which is hardly ever after conquered ; and never, without using such severity as would be as painful to me as to the child. In the esteem of the world they pass for kind and in- dulgent, whom I call cruel, parents, who permit their children to get habits which they know CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 153 must afterwards be broken. Nay, some are so stupidly fond, as in sport to teach their children to do things which, in a while after, they have severely beaten them for doing. Whenever a child is corrected, it must be conquered ; and this will be no hard matter to do, if it be not grown headstrong by too much indulgence. And when the will of a child is totally subdued, and it is brought to revere and stan3 in awe of the parents, then a great many childish follies and inadvertencies may be passed by. Some should be overlooked and taken no notice of, and others mildly reproved ; but no willful transgression ought ever to be forgiven childi-en, without chas- tisement, less or more, as the nature and circum- stances of the offense require. ' ' I insist upon conquering the will of children betimes, because this is the only strong and ra- tional foundation of a religious education ; with- out which both precept and example will be ineffectual. But when this is thoroughly done, then a child is capable of being governed by the reason and piety of its parents, till its own understanding comes to maturity, and the 154 THE DUTY OF principles of religion have taken root in the mind. " I can not yet dismiss this subject. As self- will is the root of all sin and misery, so whatever cherishes this in children, insures their after wretchedness and irreligion ; whatever checks and mortifies it, promotes their future happiness and piety. This is still more evident, if we further consider, that religion is nothing else than the doing the will of God and not our own ; that the one grand impediment to our temporal and eternal happiness being self-will, no in- dulgences of it can be trivial, no denial un- profitable. Heaven or hell depends on this alone. So that the parent who studies to sub- due it in his child, works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil's work, makes re- ligion impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body forever." A mournful example of the sad effects of neglect in this matter is furnished in the case of Webster, who was executed a few years since for CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 155 the cruel murder of Dr. Parkman. Before he was launched into eternity, the unfortunate man made this confession : "I was an only child, much indulged, and have never acquired the control over my passion, and the consequence is all this." Thus it appears, that life and death, heaven and hell, depend greatly on attention to this part of a parent's duty. 2. A strict regard for triith. It is owing to parental neglect, in the inculcation of this virtue, that lying is the most common of all vices. Both by precept and example. Christian parents should teach their children to fear a lie, and to speak the truth, whatever may be the circumstances by which they are surrounded. When "Washington was only six years old, ' ' he became the happy owner of a hatchet, of which, like most little boys, he was immoderately fond, and was con- stantly going about, chopping every thing that came in his way. One day, in the garden, where he often amused himself, he unluckily tried the edge of his hatchet on the body of a beautiful young English cherry-tree, which he hacked so terribly that I believe the tree never got the bet- 156 THE DUTY of' ter of it. The next morning, the old gentleman, finding out what had befallen his tree — which, by-the-by, was a great favorite with him — came into the house and with much warmth, asked for the mischievous author, declaring, at the same time, that he would not have taken five guineas for his tree. Nobody could tell him any thing about it. Presently, George and his hatchet made their appearance. ' George,' said his fa- ther, ' do you know who killed that beautiful little cherry-tree yonder in the garden ?' George was taken by surprise, and for a moment stag- gered under the question ; but he quickly recov- ered himself, and looking at his father, he said, ' I can't tell a lie, pa — I cut it, with my hatchet.' The delighted father embraced his child, saying, ' Glad I am, George, that you killed the tree, for you have paid me a thousand fold ! Such an act of heroism, my son, is worth a thousand such trees as the one destroyed.' "* This beautiful incident furnishes another strik- ing illustration of the influences brought to bear * "Eeligious Opimons and Character of 'Washington," page 35. CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 157 upon the formation of the character of the great American hero. Ample materials for instruction on this subject may be derived by the Christian parent from the sacred Scriptures, and from the excellent works on practical religion that may easily be obtained. 3. Industrious habits. Half the vices of mankind arise from idleness. Hence, among the ancient Israelites, it was the law that parents should bring up their children to some useful employment. It was a saying among them, that " he who teaches not his son to do some kind of work, is as if he taught him robbery." Our Saviour was a carpenter, Paul was a tent-maker. the apostles were fishermen ; and in all history we have the most illustrious examples of the blessing of God on honest labor. If parents ex- pect to be able to provide independent fortunes for their children, still it is their duty to train them up in industrious habits ; for riches may soon be lost ; and, under the most favorable cir- cumstances, it would be far better for them to have to abandon a useful occupation than to run the risk of being driven, by stern necessity, to 14 158 THE DUTY OF labor -when their education had not properly prepared them for it. From inattention to this duty, we owe the existence of the crowd of " fast young men" of the present day, and of the nu- merous tribes of the other sex, who seem to live for no useful purpose. 4. General religious instruction. As soon as the mind of a child is of sufficient capacity to receive it, instruction with regard to the first principles of religion should be given. The in- fant miud should be entertained and enriched with such scriptural facts and ideas as are suit- able to its powers. Por this purpose, wise parents will study the capacities of children, and avail themselves of those excellent little works which have been composed for this purpose by men of learning and piety. The precept, ' ' Feed my lambs," originally given to the Apostle Peter, belongs to parents, and to all who have the con- trol of the rising generation. Is it not a shame to see children; as we not unfrequently do, whose memories are well stored with idle tales, foolish and wicked songs, and even the superstitions and vulgar prejudices of servants, while they are CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 159 ignorant of the simplest truths of our holy re- ligion? If parents did their duty, should we see large boys and girls better acquainted with cards and other games of chance than they are with the Ten Commandments ? Should we see so many young ladies who can play skillfully on musical instruments, and who are too well ac- quainted with the demoralizing literature of the day, while they are ignorant of the principles of religion and of all that it is important for them to know ? To all who desire to train up their children for God, a few suggestions will now be offered with regard to the best manner of performing their duty. 1. Begin at an early age. Those fields are ordinarily the most fruitful that are cleared from their weeds, and well cultivated in the spring ; and, other things being equal, the best Christians are those who were at the earliest period of their lives devoted to the service of God. Words can not express the importance of making good impressions, and forming good habits in early life. 160 THE DUTT OF "A pebble in the streamlet scant Has turned the course of many a river, A wound upon the infant plant Has warped the giant oak forever." But how early should the parent begin ? It will, of course, depend somewhat upon the capacity of the child, Plato, one of the wisest of heathen philosophers, expressed the opinion, that if a child's education were neglected until after its third year, no subsequent efforts could remove the wrong impressions that had been made. Lord Brougham, one of the profoundest thinkers of the present age, says, "If a child's education is neglected until six years of age, no subsequent education can recover it. If to that age, he is brought up in ignorance and dissipation, in all the baseness of brutality, in the vacancy of mind which such habits create, it is in vain to try to reclaim it by teaching reading and writing. You may teach it what you choose afterward; but if you have not prevented the formation of bad habits, you will teach in vain. With chil- dren under the age of six years, school learning should not be the chief consideration, but the CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 161 forma tiom of moral principles." The great moralist and statesman, whose words have been just quoted, does not allow sufficient importance to the transforming power of the grace of God in renewing the heart, and overcoming the force of evil habits. With this exception, his remarks should be deeply pondered by Christian parents, many of whom we have found strangely incredu- lous with regard to what they call a " child's religion." The truth is, that the most distin- guished men and women, whose lives have re- dounded to the glory of God, and the welfare of our race, began their career of usefulness in very early life. Mrs. Fletcher, John Wesley, Adam Clarke, and many others, date their religious impressions in their fifth or sixth year, and how much earlier, of course could not be known to them. Bishop Capers, of South Carolina, says, "I thank God that I never had a child, who did not at the age of three years show a bias for religion." In multitudes of cases, it has been known that children from six to twelve years of age have become decidedly pious; and as they drew near to the confines of the eternal world, it 14* 162 THE DUTY OF has been said of them as it was of one of the holy men of old, ' ' From a child, thou hast known the holy Scriptures which are able to make thee wise unto salvation." This education, of which I speak, does not consist merely in teaching the child to answer Scripture questions, and to repeat moral and re- ligious lessons in poetry and prose. It does not eyen begin with the alphabet, but with the first impressions that are made upon the infant soul. It is carried on by a mother's kind and watchful care, a father's smile of approbation, a sister's loving kiss, and a brother's act of self-denial or forbearance. It is aided by pleasant walks in fruitful fields and gardens, and familiarity with the scenes of grandeur and beauty with which the earth abounds ; by acts of kindness and be- nevolence, and all things that are calculated to inspire a love of the good, the beautiful, and the true. But the Christian parent will earnestly endeavor to lead the child to union and com- munion with God. 2. It is obvious to all that this is a work that demands patience and perseverance. So great CHRISTIAN PAEENTS. 163 a work can not be accomplished by an occa- sional admonition or transient efforts. It will require energetic, wise, and united efforts on tbe part of both the parents. And if ever a power- ful motive existed to stimulate to the performance of a great work, it exists in the case of Christian parents. Behold for a moment the gifted artist, who, for many wearisome months and years, has been at work on the canvas, until it seems to be alive with gorgeous figures, the creation of his genius and his toil. Ask him why he labors with such patience and perseverance, and he re- plies, "I paint for eternity!'^ But when all the productions of an Apelles, a Zeuxis, and a Raphael "the divine," shall have been long buried in the caves of oblivion, the soul of the child will continue to exist in happiness or in woe. Think of this, parents, and then you will see the reason why God said to the ancient Israelite, "These words which I command thee this day shall be in thy heart ; and thou shalt teach them diligently to thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, 164 THE DUTY OF and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." 3. The home altar should be erected in every family. Though there is no specific command in the Scriptures for the performance of family worship, no one who has attentively studied the Bible can fail to perceive that this beautiful and time-honored practice is according to the spirit, if not the letter, of the gospel. In the inimitable model of prayer furnished by our Saviour, we are taught to say, '■'■Our Father," not " my Father," " Give us this day our daily bread," not "give me this day," etc. It is ob- vious that this prayer was to be used socially and every day. Where, then, shall it be used, if not at the family altar ? It may be observed, also, that the ancient patriarchs were in the habit of erecting altars, around which their families met for divine worship ; and that the Apostle Paul, in his epistles, frequently speaks of the " church iti the house." For these and other reasons, it has been the practice of the most pious people in the Christian world to assemble their families twice a day to offer up the morning and evening CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 165 sacrifice to God their Father and their Friend. But, above all, it should never be forgotten, in this connection, that our blessed Saviour sancj and 'prayed "with his disciples^ and conversed with them about the word of God. Can Chris- tian parents refuse to follow his example? If they do not use this instrumentality to promote the eternal interests of their children, can they reasonably expect the blessing of God upon them? The daily reading of God's word, de- vout singing, and earnest prayer, will exert an influence over the family circle too great to be expressed in words, or to be fully appreciated on earth. Where then is the Christian father, who will not say to his family, in the language of the sweet Psalmist of Israel, "0, com€, let us sing unto the Lord ; let us make a joyful noise to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joy- ful noise unto him with psalms. For the Lord is a great God, and a great king above all gods. come, let us worship and bow down : let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. For he is our 166 THE DUTT OF God, and we are tlie people of his pasture and the sheep of his hand." The beneficial eifects of family worship are not confined to the parents and the children, but they extend to the servants and to those who occasionally sojourn with the family. In our southern States, especially, where the domestics are numerous, and seldom able to read, it is highly important that they should have a daily opportunity to hear a portion of the Scriptures read, and to join in social worship. Nor can it fail to be perceived by the thoughtful parent that the religious instruction and improvement of the servants will exert a favorable influence upon the children. It is not possible that the daily, fa- miliar intercourse which exists between the chil- dren and domestics in many families can fail to exert a great influence on both parties for good or for evil. And, in many cases, the reason for the failure in the religious training of childi'en may be found at this point. Too often, the <;om- bined efforts of parents, teachers, and ministers of the gospel, have been frustrated, and to a great extent rendered ineffectual, by the influence CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 167 of ignorant and depraved servants. It becomes, therefore, the duty of the -wise parent to watch this point with jealous care ; and he must have little faith in the power of the word of God, of prayer, and praise, who will not employ these instrumentalities in his own house. Even if we suppose that the children may be brought up re- ligiously without the aid of the family altar, it will strike every reflecting mind that for the benefit of the servants alone, the daily perform- ance of this duty is of vast importance. 4. A judicious system of parental discipline should be maintained. That a necessity exists for corporeal punishment in the case of stubborn and rebellious children, has been allowed by the wise and the good in every age and country. It is also plainly taught in the word of God. In the book of Proverbs, a rich treasury of instruc- tion on the practical duties of life, we read : "He that spareth his rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it from him." " Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and 168 THE DUTY OF shalt deliver his soul from hell." The heaviest calamities were denounced against Eli the priest, because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not. It is a dire mistake and a cruel kindness to a child to allow him to go on in a course of misconduct, and thus to form an evil habit of transgression, when by timely cor- rection the evil might have been arrested. On the other hand, a stern and undiscriminating use of the authority vested in parents is sometimes attended with equally fatal results. In humble reliance upon God, and with prayer to him for direction, Christian parents will, by a wise mix- ture of severity and forbearance, as circumstances may demand, enforce the rules and regulations that they have made for the government of their children. 5. The power of the press should he brought to bear upon the minds of the childrmi. If it were possible for parents to engage the services of the most gifted and pious men and women that the world has ever seen, to occupy the at- tention of their children in their leisure hours, the privilege would be greatly esteemed. And CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 169 if parents had to make a selection of living as- sociates for their children, to have access to them in their most private retirement, and to exert a transforming influence upon their character, the selection would be made after serious considera- tion, and perhaps prayer to God for direction in a matter of such grave importance. Now, books and periodicals are monuments of mind, store- houses of ideas, in which the talent and genius of the living and the dead are combined, and caused to operate upon the rising generation It is not, then, a matter of small importance what books and periodicals children are allowed to read. Without reading it is impossible for them to exert their proper influence in society ; and if they read the wrong books, the probability is that they will be ruined thereby. Though it is not easy to keep the rising generation from pe- rusing the works of those pernicious villains of talent, who have prostituted theii* splendid gifts to the vilest purposes, the true Christian father and mother will, by precept and example, guard this point with jealous care. They will supply their children with good reading of the best kind ; 15 170 THE DUTY OF and, as far as possible, remove them from the power of temptation, with regard to those books which enervate the mind and corrupt the heart. From erroneous ideas of economy, many Chris- tian parents have erred in this matter ; and not only refused to supply their children with suit- able reading, but they have made very unfavor- able impressions on the minds of their children and others with regard to their piety. Painful, it must be, to any intelligent Christian to see the small provision that is made by some for the mental and religious improvement of their fam- ilies. Nor is it surprising to see that the chil- dren frequently grow up without religion, and bring down the gray hairs of their parents with sorrow to the grave. On the other hand, it may be observed, with pleasure, in many families, that they are well supplied with standard works, written by men of learning and piety, and with those excellent periodicals in which the best in- terests of science, literature, and religion, are promoted, and every thing that is evil is op- posed, and held up to the scorn and reprobation of society. The brightest lights of the church CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 171 have been ti'ained in these families, and many who are now ornaments and pillars in society and in the church owe much of their piety and usefulness to the books that they read in their early days. In conclusion, it may be remarked, that the question for parents is not the question of educa- tion or no education. In this world, there is no such a thing as non-education. When a lady told Archbishop Sharpe that she would not give her children religious instruction until they came to mature age, he replied, with faithfulness and truth, "Madame, if you do not teach them, the devil will !" We see ample proof of this in the vast number of juvenile delinquents in our large , cities, and also in the multitude of bad boys and girls that are growing up in our midst. The evils that flow from this source are obvious to every eye. Politically, socially, and religiously, ignorance is the mother of crime ; she is a vam- pire, devouring the life-blood of the soul; and those parents who neglect the religious education of their children, incur a responsibility that it is fearful to contemplate. They train up in the 172 THE DUTY OF bosom of society a troop of beings bearing their- own image, and known by their own name, who are to become the pests of society, to lead infa- mous lives, and perhaps to end their days in the cell of the felon, or by the hand of the public executioner. In some cases the mass of igno- rant and depraved citizens obtains the ascendency, confusion and anarchy hold a carnival, and the nation itself becomes a prey to discord and ruin. It was in view of this that Edmund Burke said, " Education is the cheapest defense of a nation.'/ How great, then, is the responsibility of parents ! How keen will be the remorse of the unfaithful, when they see the fruit of their neglect in the sin and misery of their children, or contemplate the probability of their eternal ruin ! Their hearts will be filled with anguish, when they are assured by their own consciences that but for their own criminal indifference or neglect, their children might have been saved. Who would not gladly turn away from such a horrible picture and contemplate the happiness of those parents who have nobly done their duty to their offspring? They have trained up their CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 173 children "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord;" and by the blessing of God, they have succeeded in their labors. Their children are "like oHve plants around about' their tables," upon whom they look with delight, and concern- ing whom they have reason to entertain the most joyous anticipations. Some of the children may already have departed to the land of rest, and others may be on the way, while the happy parents, in humble reliance upon God, press on- ward, in the hope of meeting all their loved ones in the mansions of the blest. It is true, there may be the appearance of failure in some cases ; but the true result is not always seen. Though the child may for a season forget the instructions of a parent, or refuse to be governed by them, the time will come — it may be when the parent is sleeping in the silence of the grave — when those instructions will come back with tenfold power to the heart of the wayward son or daughter. In some propitious hour, and in an- swer to prayers which have been long recorded in heaven, memory will wave her mysterious wand and bring back with mighty power the 15- 174 THE DUTY OF reminiscences of the past. A mother's soft per- suasive voice, like tones of sweetest music, a father's earnest pleadings at the family altar ; the hymns of holy melody ; the kisses of unut- terable affection ; the light of a holy example ; and the power of a dying hour, will all return ; and under their influence the wanderer will be reclaimed from the paths of sin. And when the cares, anxieties, and sufferings of this life shall be forever at an end, the happy parents and their children shall meet again, to enjoy the fruition of all their hopes in that glorious land, where love and union never die. CHILDREN IN HEAVEN. "In the broad fields of heaven — In the immortal bowers By life's clear river dwelling, A mid undying flowers — There hosts of beauteous spirits, Fair children of the earth, Linked in bright bands celestial, Sing of their human birth." "They sing of earth and heaven — Divinest voices rise * To God, their gracious Father, Who called them to the skies : CHRISTIAN PARENTS. 175 Then all are there — in heaven — Safe, safe and sweetly blest ; No cloud of sin can shadow Their bright and holy rest." THE END. NEW AND USEFUL BOOKS FOE THE CHRISTIAM FAMILY* "CONFESSIONS OP A CONVERTED INFIDEL, LIGHTS AND SHADES OF ITINERANT LIFE, AND MISCELLANEOUS SEETCHES." By Eev. JOHN BAYLBT, OF THE TIBQINIA ANNTTAL O OKFEEES OE. Third Edition. — Price One Dollar. NEW YORK : M. W. DODD, Publisher. This book has been very favorably noticed by the pulpit and the press. Dr. Doggett, the editor of the " Quarterly Eeview" of the Methodist Episcopal Church South, thus expresses hia appro- bation of the work: — "The author is the subject of the 'Confessions,' and the history of his infidelity and of hia con- version is deeply insti'uctive and affecting. Some of its in- cidents possess an overwhelming pathos. The 'hghts and shades' are true to Mfe, and present a picture of itinerant vicissitudes which multitudes wiU recognize and verify. The ' sketches' we regard as possessing a graphic merit, those respecting his visit to England especially. The whole is written with that unaffected modesty and beautiful simplicity which warms the heart, while it entertains the mind. The sweet spirit of the gospel pervades every page." In a notice of the second edition, the same distinguished divine observes ■ — •" Frequent and flattering commendations of this book have appeared in various pubUe prints ; and we very sincerely rejoice that the author has been so far en- couraged in his pious labor as to order a second edition. It is very useful and entertaining, and deserves a wide circula- tion. It will leave a blessing with it, in the testimony which it bears to the truth and excellency of the Christian religion in the case of one who was the victim of a cheerless skepti- ticism, and a gloomy wanderer among his fellow-men ; who was converted, not by the reading of books, but by his per- sonal observations of the people of God, ia whose society Providence had thrown him. The narrative is simple, but eloquent^ It speaks directly to the heart. The sketches are altogether of a different character, and diversiiy the pages with Uvely descriptions of actual passages in the author's hfe. The errors of the former edition have been corrected, and the appearance of the book considerably improved." — SoutJiern Methodist Quarterly Beview, for July, 1855. From a favorable notice in the Southern Literary Messenger, the following remarks are extracted : — " The author has made a volume of interesting and instructive material, and we have no doubt his readers wUl be pleased to see other efforts of his pen. * * * The whole volume is excellent, abounding in ripe thought and in admirable illustration." The Eev. Joseph H. Davis, President of the "Wesleyan Female College, Murfreesboro', North Carohna, observes: — "It is a perfect 'sui generis,' and is destined to occupy its own place in the great library of Christian literature. * * * Instruction and entertainment are happily blended and con- veyed in a style of much perspicuity, force, and beauty. Truth and error, vice and virtue, wisdom and folly, are placed in striking contrast, while many of the leading vanities of the times are unmasked by the keen edge of polished satire, and exposed to the pity and reprobation of all right-minded per- sons. In many parts of tlie work, the author's well-Imown and happy talent at description is brought into requisition, and presents the subject in all the lovehness of truth and beauty." Dr. Lee, the editor of the Richmond Christian Advocate, says :— "We have been reading it with a rich relish of enjoy- ment. * * * The volume has claims, quahties, and merits, independent of our favorable judgment, that will prove attractive and interesting to less kindly judges, and may even challenge the respect and approval of cynics and critics. We commend it to our readers, and hope it will have a long life and a large circulation." The Christian Secretary, of Hartford, remarks: — "The Confessions are weU worthy of the attention of all who are skeptically inclined. The chapters on the Lights and Shadows of Itinerant Life (we infer that he is a Methodist, although his book is free feom sectarianism) are quite interesting, showing the toils, the joys, and the sorrows to which this class of ministers are subjected. The book wiU leave good impressions on the minds of all who read it." The Christian Observer, of Philadelphia, agrees vrith the above, as follows : — " Without concealing his position in the Christian church, the author has given us a personal history remarkably free from sectarianism, with many practical thoughts in his miscellaneous sketches." The Rev. B. I*. Woodward, in the Richmond Christian Adoocate, observes: — " Do you desire to know more of the Bible ? to have more enlightened views of Christian duty and privileges ? to have your mind more deeply impressed with the importance of divine things 7 then buy this book and read it. Wo recommend it particularly to the young, and to young Christians especially. We do not wish to be understood as recommending it to Methodists only, but, being free from any The Watchman and Observer (Presbyterian, of Richmond, Ta.) says: — "Some of his disclosures about the tactics of infidelity are very instructive. The sentiments breathed through the volume are such as all Christians can sympathize with, and the effect of the whole will be to do good." At a session of the Virginia Annual Conference, held in Petersburg, Ta., it was recommended by Bishop Andrew and others, and on motion of Dr. Doggett, the following resolu- tion was passed: — "Sesolved, That as a Conference we cor- dially recommend to the patronage of our people a book pub- lished by the Rev. John Bayley, called the ' Confessions of a Converted Infidel,' as a useful work." The above work may be had from the publisher, M. W. DODD,* 59 Chambers-street, STew-Tork. Also from Stevenson & Evans, Nashville, Tennessee; L. M. Lee, Richmond, Ta. ; E. P. Nash, Petersburg, Ta. ; Tickery and Griffith, Norfolk, Ta. ; Armstrong & Berry, 156 Baltimore-street, Baltimore, Md. ; Isaac J. Cook, 96 Baltimore-street, Baltimore, Md. ; and other booksellers. A liberal discount allowed to wholesale purchasers. * Mr. Dodd also issues raany other valuable publications, among wbicli are the works of Dr. Gardiner Spring, — "First Things;" " Glory of Christ ;" " Power of the Pulpit ;" " Contrast," etc. — the renowned Sketches and Sermons of Dr. Spencer— the Genuine and Unabridged edition of that unrivaled work, Ceuden's Complete Co^'- cOEDiNOE — the Master-pieces of Pulpit Eloquence, by Fish, probably the most important works for Clergymen, if not for all well read men, yet issued in the present century. In press, and speedily to ie published, PLEASANT HOURS. A Present to my Christian Friends. By John Batlet. thing like sectarianism, we believe that all will be amply re- warded, who buy and read it." " His description of his religious experience is simple and toucliing, and well fitted to aid other minds in a. similar struggle between darkness and light. This is the most inter- esting part of the volume, though the account of his visit to London contains many striking and impressive incidents. An excellent spurit pervades the whole book." — Albany Argus. " The articles are written in a style sufficiently easy and graceful to be acceptable to every class of readers." — Puritan Becorder. The Rev. George W. Carter, President of the Petersburg Female College, expresses his opinion of the work in a letter to the author, as follows: "I prize your book very highly, and consider that yon have made a substantial and valuable addition to our religious literature." The editor of the Nor. Oar. Christian Advocate says: — ■ " This is a good book, weU written and instructive. "We ad- vise our readers to procure it." The editor of the Southern Democrat remarks; — "A book full of pungent truths, expressed in strong and beautiftd language. It ought to find a, pla,ce in the library of every young man in the country." The Norfolk Argus thus expresses itself: — " This is a work of very considerable literary and descriptive merit. Of the interesting incidents of his life, the author gives a most graphic and eloquent account, together with various sketches of life, travel, place and character. The style is easy, forcible, and often beautifully descriptive." The Nashville Christian Advocate remarks: — "As far as we have perused it, we have found it a very interesting and profitable book. The sketches are on a variety of subjects, and are well written."