CORNELL 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 GIFT OF 
 Prof. Mario Einaudi 
 
PS 1949.H5S2 "188?"' Ubrary 
 
Cornell University 
 Library 
 
 The original of this book is in 
 the Cornell University Library. 
 
 There are no known copyright restrictions in 
 the United States on the use of the text. 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924022248144 
 
MARIETTA HOLLEY 
 
5amantha 
 
 At 5aratoga; 
 
 OR 
 
 "RACING after FASHION." 
 
 BY 
 
 JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE, 
 
 (MARIETTA HOLLEY), 
 
 Author if "Samantha at the Centennial," "My Opinions and Betsey 
 
 Bobbin's," "My Wayward Pardner," Etc., Etc. 
 
 ILLUSTRATED 
 By FREDERICK OPPER, 
 
 The Famous Humorous Artist of "Puck.' 
 
 THOMPSON & THOMAS 
 
 334 Dearborn Street 
 
 CHICAGO 
 
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1887, by 
 
 HUBBARD BROTHERS, 
 in the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington 
 
 all rights reserved. 
 
PUBLISHERS' PREFACE. 
 
 In offering this book to the lovers of genuine humor, 
 we desire simply to say that if you have enjoyed Samantha 
 at the Centennial, which was written wholly from im- 
 agination and from reading the descriptions others gave 
 — the author never having seen the Great Exhibition — . 
 you can hardly fail to enjoy this book, written, as it was, 
 upon the spot, amid all the inspiration of the " height of 
 the season " at the proudest pleasure resort of our nation. 
 
 We believe, too, that our patrons will rejoice that wo 
 were fortunate enough to secure the services of Mr. Opper, 
 the famous character artist of " Puck," to illustrate it. 
 
To thb Great Army of 
 
 Su.mm.er Tramps 
 
 THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED 
 
 t!^ THEIR COMRADE AND FELLOW WANDMSt 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 
 
A SORT OF A PREFACE. 
 
 WHICH IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO READ. 
 
 When Josiah read my dedication he said 
 M it wuz a shame to dedicate a book that it 
 had took most a hull bottle of ink to write, to 
 a lot of creeters that he wouldn't have in the 
 back door yard." 
 
 But I explained it to him, that I didn't 
 mean tramps with broken hats, variegated 
 pantaloons, ventilated shirt-sleeves, and bare- 
 footed. But I meant tramps with diamond 
 ear-rings, and cuff-buttons, and Saratoga 
 trunks, and big accounts at their bankers. 
 
 And he said, "Oh shawl" 
 
 But I went on nobly onmindful of thai 
 6haw, as female pardners have to be, if they 
 accomplish all the talkin' they want to. 
 
 7 
 
8 All a ChasitC Pleasure. 
 
 And sez I, " It duz seem sort o' pitiful, don't 
 it, to think how sort o' homeless the Ameri- 
 cans are a gettin' ? How the posys that blow 
 under the winders of Home, are left to waste 
 their sweet breaths amongst the weeds, while 
 them that used to love 'em, are a climbin' 
 mountain tops after strange nosegays. 
 
 The smoke that curled up from the chim- 
 bleys, a wreathin' its way up to the heavens- 
 ail dead and gone. The bright light that 
 shone out of the winder through the dark a 
 tellin' everybody that there wuz a Home, and 
 some one a waitin' for somebody— all dark, 
 and lonesome. 
 
 Yes, the waiter and the waited for, are all a 
 rushin' round somewhere, on the cars, mebby, 
 or a yot, a chasin' Pleasure, that like as not 
 settled right down on the eaves of the old 
 house they left, and stayed there. 
 
 I wonder if they will find her there when 
 they go back agin. Mebby they will, and 
 then agin, mebby they won't. For Happiness 
 haint one to set round and lame herself, a 
 waitin' for folks to make up their minds. 
 
A RunwM Vine. 9 
 
 Sometimes she looks folks full in the face, 
 sort o' solemn like, and heart searchin', and 
 gives 'em a fair chance what they will chuse. 
 And then if they chuse wrong, she'll turn her 
 back to 'em, for always. I've hearn of jest 
 such, cases. 
 
 But it duz seem sort o' solemn to think- 
 how the sweet restful* feelin's that clings like 
 ivy round the old familier door steps-r-where 
 old 4 fathers feet stopped, and stayed there, 
 and baby feet touched and then went away— 
 I declare for't, it almost brings tears, to think 
 how that sweet clingin' vine of affection, and 
 domestic "repose, and content — how soon that 
 vine gets tore up nowadays. 
 
 It is a sort of a runnin' vine anyway, and 
 folks use it as such, they run with it. Jest as 
 it puts its tendrils out to cling round some 
 fence post, or lilock bush, they pull it up, and 
 start off with it. And then its roots get dry, 
 and it is some time before it will begin to put 
 out little shoots and clingin' leaves agin 
 round some petickuler mountain top, or bureau 
 or human bein'. And then it is yanked up 
 
io Our Old 4 Fathers. 
 
 agin, poor little runnin' vine, and run with-~ 
 and so on — and so on — and so on. 
 
 Why sometimes it makes me fairly heart' 
 sick, to think on't. And I fairly envy our old 
 4 fathers, who used to set down for several 
 hundred years in one spot. They used to get 
 real rested, it must be they did. 
 
 Jacob now, a settin' right by that well o\ 
 his'n for pretty nigh two hundred years. 
 How much store he must have set by it during 
 the last hundred years of 'em ! How attached 
 he must have been to it ! 
 
 Good land ! Where is there a well that one 
 of our rich old American patriarks will set 
 down by for two years, leavin' off the orta. 
 There haint none, there haint no such a well. 
 Our patriarks haint fond of well water, any« 
 way. 
 
 And old Miss Abraham now, and Miss 
 Isaac — what stay to home wimmen they wuz, 
 and equinomical ! 
 
 What a good contented creeter Sarah Abra- 
 ham wuz. How settled down, and stiddy r 
 •tayin' right to home for hundreds of years. 
 
Slight Preparations. xt 
 
 Not gettin' rampent for a wider spear, not a 
 coaxin' old Mr. Abraham nights to take her to 
 summer resorts, and winter hants of fashion. 
 
 No, old Mr. Abraham went to bed, and went 
 to sleep for all of her. 
 
 And when they did once in a hundred years 
 or so, make up their minds to move on a mile 
 or so, how easy they traveled. Mr. Abraham 
 didn't haye to lug off ten . or twelve wagon 
 loads of furniture to the Safe Deposit Com- 
 pany, and spend weeks and weeks a settlin' 
 his bisness, in Western lands, and Northern 
 mines, Southern railroads, and Eastern wild- 
 cat stocks, to get ready to go. And Miss 
 Abraham didn't have to have a dozen dress- 
 makers in the house for a month or two, and 
 messenger boys, and dry goods clerks, and 
 have to stand and be fitted for basks and pole, 
 nays, and back drapery, and front drapery, 
 and tea gowns, and dinner gowns, and drivin' 
 gowns, and mornin' gowns, and evenin' gowns, 
 and etcetery, etcetery, etcetery. 
 
 No, all the preperations she had to make wuz 
 to wrop her mantilly a little closter round her, 
 
j 3 Gird up his Lions. 
 
 and all Mr. Abraham had to do wuz to gird 
 up his lions. That is what it sez. And I 
 don't believe it would take much time to gird 
 up a few lions, it don't seem to me as if it 
 would. 
 
 And when these few simple preperations had 
 been made, they jest histed up their tent and 
 laid it acrost a camel, and moved on a mild or 
 two, walkin' afoot. 
 
 Why jest imagine if Miss Abraham had to 
 travel with eight or ten big Saratoga trunks, 
 how could they have been got up onto 
 that camel? It couldn't have been done. 
 The camel would have died, and old Mr. Abra- 
 ham would also have expired a tryin' to lift 
 'em up. No, it wuz all for the best. 
 
 And jest think on't, for all of these simple, 
 stay to home ways, they called themselves 
 Pilgrims and Sojourners. Good land! What 
 would they have thought nowadays to see 
 folks make nothin' of settin' off for China, or 
 Japan, or Jerusalem before breakfast. 
 
 And what did they know of the hard- 
 ships of civilization? Now to sposen the 
 
On the Go. ' t$ 
 
 case, sposen Miss Abraham had to live 
 in New York winters, and go to two or 
 three big receptions every day, and to dinnef 
 parties, and theatre parties, and operas and 
 such like, evenin's, and receive and return 
 about three thousand calls, and be on more 'n 
 a dozen charitable boards (hard boards they 
 be too, some on 'em) and lots of other projects 
 and enterprizes — be on the go the hull winter, 
 with a dress so tight she couldn't breathe in- 
 stead of her good loose robes, and instead of 
 her good comfortable sandals have her feet 
 upon high-heeled shoes pinchin' her corns al- 
 most unto distraction. And then to Washing- 
 ton to go all through it agin, and more too, and 
 Florida, and Cuba ; and then to the sea shore 
 and have it all over agin with sea bathin' 
 added. 
 
 And then to the mountains, and all over 
 agin with climbin' round added. Then to 
 Europe, with sea sickness, picture galleries, 
 etc., added. And so on home agin in the fall 
 to begin it all over agin. 
 
 Why Miss Abraham would be so tuckered 
 
14 Luker Gatherers. 
 
 out before she went half through with on« 
 season, that she would be a dead 4 m&thet. 
 
 And Mr. Abraham — why one half houi 
 down at the stock exchange would have been 
 too much for that good old creeter. The yells 
 and crys, and distracted movements of the 
 crowd of Luker Gatherers there, would have 
 skairt him to death. He never would have 
 lived to follow Miss Abraham round from pil- 
 low to post through summer and winter 
 seasons — he wouldn't have lived to waltz, or 
 toboggen, or suffer other civilized agonies. 
 No, he would have been a dead patriark. And 
 better off so, I almost think. 
 
 Not but what I realize that civilization has 
 its advantages. Not but what I know that if 
 Mr. Abraham wanted Miss Abraham to part 
 his hair straight, or clean off his phylackrity 
 when she happened to be out a pickin' up 
 manny, he couldn't stand on one side of his 
 tent and telephone to bring her back, but had 
 to yell at her. 
 
 And I realize fully that if one of his herd 
 got strayed off into another county, they 
 
Had to Kill a Sheep. 15 
 
 hadn't no telegraf to head it off, but the old 
 man had to poke off through rain or sue, and 
 hunt it up himself. And he couldn't set 
 down cross-legged in front of his tent in the 
 mornin', and read what happened on the 
 other side of the world, the evenin' before. 
 
 And I know that if he wanted to set down 
 some news, they had to kill a sheep, and 
 spend several years a dressin' off the hide into 
 parchment — and kill a goose, or chase it Up 
 till they wuz beat out, for a goose-quill. 
 
 And then after about 20 years or so, they 
 could put it down that Miss Isaac had got a 
 boy — the boy probably bein' a married man 
 himself and a father when the news of his 
 birth wuz set down. 
 
 I realize this, and also the great fundimen- 
 tal fact that underlies all philosophies, that 
 you can't set down and stand up at the same 
 time — and that no man, however pure and 
 lofty his motives may be, can't lean up against 
 a barn door, and walk off simultanious. And 
 if he don't walk off, then the great question 
 comes in, How will he get there? And he 
 
1 6 Can't Stop to Oil Old Axeltrys, 
 
 feels lots of times that lie must stand up so'i 
 to bring his head up above the mullien and 
 burdock stalks, amongst which he is a settin', 
 and get a wider view — a broader horizeon. 
 And he feels lots of times that he must get 
 there. 
 
 This is a sort of a curius world, and it 
 makes us feel curius, a good deal of the time 
 as we go through it. But we have to make 
 allowances for it, for the old world is on a 
 tramp too. It can't seem to stop a minute to 
 oil up its old axeltrys — it moves on, and takes 
 us with it. It seems to be in a hurry. 
 
 Everything seems to be in a hurry here 
 below. And some say Heaven is a place of 
 continual sailin' round and goin' up, and up 
 all the time. But while risin' up and soarin' 
 is a sweet thought to me, still sometimes I 
 love to think that Heaven is a place where I 
 can set down, and set for some time. 
 
 I told Josiah so (waked him up, for he 
 wuz asleep) and he said he sot mote store on 
 the golden streets, and the wavin' palms, and 
 the procession of angels. (And then he 
 Went to sleep agin.). 
 
Hull Nation in a Hurry. if 
 
 But I don't feel so. I'd love, as I say, to 
 jest set down for quite a spell, and set there, 
 to be kinder settled down, and to home witk 
 them whose presence makes a home any- 
 where. I wouldn't give a cent to sail round 
 unless I wuz made to know it wuz my duty to 
 cail. Josiah wants to. 
 
 But, as I say, everybody is in a hurry. 
 Husbands can't hardly find time to keep up a 
 aquaintance with their wives. Fathers don't 
 have no time to get up a intimate aquaint- 
 ance with their childern. Mothers are in 
 such a hurry — babys are in such a hurry- 
 that they can't scarcely find time to be bonu 
 And I declare for't, it seems sometimes as U 
 folks don't want to take time to die. 
 
 The old folks at home wait with faithful 
 tired old eyes for the letter that don't come, 
 for the busy son or daughter hasn't time 
 to write it — no, they are too busy a tearin' up 
 the running vine of affection and home love, 
 and a runnin' with it 
 
 Yes the hull nation is in a hurry to get 
 somewhere else, to go on, it can't wait. It is 
 
18 Beyond the Sunset. 
 
 a trampin' on over the Western slopes, a 
 tramplin' over red men, and black men, and 
 some white men. a hurry in' on to the West 
 — hurryin' on to the sea. And what then ? 
 
 Is there a tide of restfulness a layin' before 
 it ? Some cool waters of repose where it will 
 bathe its tired forward, and its stun-bruised 
 feet, and set there for some time ? 
 
 I don't s'pose so. I don't s'pose it is in its 
 nater to. I s'pose it will look off longingly 
 onto the far-off somewhere that lays over the 
 waters — beyend the sunset. 
 
 Josiah Allen's Wifs. 
 
 New York, June, 1887. 
 
% 
 
 igAicBMOCTOsswsjHE idee on't come to me one 
 — - ' day about sundown, or a lit- 
 
 tle before sundown. I wuz 
 a settin' in calm peace, and 
 a , big rockin' chair covered 
 with handsome copperplate, a readin' what 
 the Sammist sez about " Vanity, vanity, all 
 is vanity." The words struck deep, and 
 as I said, it was jest that very minute that 
 the idee struck me about goin' to Saratoga. 
 Why I should have had the idee at jest 
 that minute, I can't tell, nor Josiah can'tc 
 We have talked about it sense. 
 
 19 
 
20 How the Idee Came. 
 
 But good land ! such creeters as thought* 
 be never wuz, nor never will be. They will 
 creep in, and round, and over anything, and 
 get inside of your mind (entirely unbeknown 
 to you) at any time. Curious, haint it ? How 
 you may try to hedge 'em out, and shet the 
 doors and everything. But they will creep up 
 into your mind, climb up and draw up their 
 ladders, and there they will ■ be, and stalk 
 round independent as if they owned yoUr hull 
 head ; curious ! 
 
 Well, there the idee wuz — I never knew 
 nothin' about it, nor how it got there. But 
 there it wuz, lookin' me right in the face of 
 my soul, kinder pert and saucy, sayin', "You'd 
 better go to Saratoga next summer ; you and 
 Josiah." 
 
 But I argued with it. Sez I, " What should 
 we go to Saratoga for ? None of the relations 
 live there on my side, or on hisen ; why should 
 we go ?" 
 
 But still that idee kep' a hantin me ; " You'd 
 better go to Saratoga next summer; you 
 and Josiah." And it whispered, " Mebby it 
 
Josiah Scorfing. 
 
 21 
 
 will help Josiah's corns." (He is dretful 
 
 troubled with, corns.) And so the idee kep* 
 
 a naggin' me, it nagged me 
 
 for three days and three 
 
 nights before I mentioned 
 
 it to my Josiah. And j|||| ,'fipi > 
 
 when I did, he scorfed ' -™ WmML 
 
 at the idee. He said, 
 
 " The idee of water 
 
 curing them dumb 
 
 corns^" 
 
 Sez I, "Josiah 
 Allen, stranger 
 things have 
 been done;" 
 sez I, "that 
 
 water is very 
 
 strong. It does wonders." 
 And he scorfed agin and 
 
 sez, "Don't you believe 
 
 faith could cure 'em ? " 
 
 Sez I, " If it wuz strong enough it could." 
 But the thought kep' a naggin' me stiddy, 
 
 and then — here is the curious part of it— 
 
23 Dr. Gale Consulted. 
 
 the thought nagged me, and I nagged Josiah, 
 or not exactly nagged ; not a clear nag ; I 
 despise them, and always did. But I kinder 
 kep' it before his mind from day to day, and 
 from, hour to hour. And the idee would 
 keep a tellin' me things and I would keep 
 a tellin' 'em to my companion. The idee 
 Would keep a sayin' to me, " It is one of the 
 most beautiful places in our native land. The 
 waters will help you, the inspirin' music, and 
 elegance and gay enjoyment you will find 
 there, will sort a uplift you. You had better 
 go there on a tower ; " and agin it sez, " Mebby 
 it will help Josiah's corns." 
 
 And old Dr. Gale a happehin' in at about 
 that time, I asked him about it (he doctored 
 me when I wuz a baby, and I have helped 'em 
 for years. Good old creetur, he don't get along 
 as well as he ort to. I^oontown is a healthy 
 place). ( I told him about my strong desire to 
 go to Saratoga, and I asked him plain if he 
 thought the water would help my pardner's 
 corns. And he looked dretful wise and he riz 
 up and walked across the floor 2 and fro sev« 
 
Dr. Gale Advises. 
 
 23 
 
 eral times, probably 3 times to, and the same 
 number of times fro, with his arms crossed 
 back under the skirt of his coat and his eye- 
 brows knit in deep thought, before he answered 
 
 "Then you'd advise me to go there with him?" 
 "Yes," sez he, "on the hull, 1 advise you to go." 
 
 me. Finely he said, that modern science had 
 not fully demonstrated yet the direct bearing 
 of water on corn. In some cases it might and 
 probably did stimulate 'em to greater luxu- 
 
34 Josiah Scorfs Again. 
 
 riance, and then again a great flow of water 
 might retard their growth. 
 
 Sez I, anxiously, " Then you'd advise me 
 to go there with him ?" 
 
 " Yes," sez he, " on the hull, I advise you 
 to go." 
 
 Them words I reported to Josiah, and sez I 
 in anxious axents, " Dr. Gale advises us to 
 go." 
 
 And Josiah sez, " I guess I shan't mind 
 what that old fool sez." 
 
 Them wuz my pardner's words, much as I 
 hate to tell on 'em. But from day to day I 
 kep' it stiddy before him, how dang'r'us it 
 wuz to go ag'inst a doctor's advice. And from 
 day to day he would scorf at the plan. And I, 
 ev'ry now and then, and mebby oftener, would 
 get him a extra good meal, and attack him on 
 the subject immegatly afterwards. But all in 
 vain. And I see that when. he had that im- 
 movible sotness onto him, one extra meal 
 Wouldn't soften or molify him. No, I see 
 plain I must *aake a more voyalent effort. 
 And I made it. For three stiddy days I put 
 
Josiah Consents.* 25 
 
 before that man the best vittles that these 
 hands could make, or this brain could plan. 
 
 And at the end of the 3d day I gently 
 tackled him agin on the subject, and his state 
 Wuz such, bland, serene, happified, that he 
 consented without a parlay. And so it wuz 
 settled that the next summer we wuz to go to 
 Saratoga. And he began to count on it and 
 make preparation in a way that I hated to see. 
 
 Yes, from the very minute that our two 
 minds wuz made up to go to Saratoga, Josiah 
 Allen wuz set on havin' sunthin new and 
 uneek in the way of dress and whiskers. 
 I looked coldly on the idee of puttin' a gay 
 stripe down the legs of the new pantaloons I 
 made for him, and broke it up, also a figured 
 vest. I went through them two crisises and 
 came out triumphent. 
 
 Then he Went and bought a new bright pink 
 neck-tie with broad long ends which he in- 
 tended to have float out, down the front of his 
 vest. And I immegatly took it for the light- 
 colored blocks in my silk log-cabin bedquilt. 
 Yes, I settled the matter of that pink neck- 
 
2,6 JosiafCs Preparations. 
 
 gear with a high, hand and a pair of shears 
 And Josiah sez now that he bought it for that 
 purpose, for the bedquilt, because he loves to 
 see a dressy quilt, — sez he always enjoys 
 seein' a cabin look sort o' gay. But good 
 land ! he didn't. He intended and calculated 
 to wear that neck-tie into Saratoga, — a sight 
 for men and angels, if I hadn't broke it up. 
 
 But in the matter of whiskers, there I wuz 
 powerless. He trimmed 'em (unbeknown to 
 me) all off the side of his face, them good 
 honerable side whiskers of hisen, that had 
 stood by him for years in solemnity and 
 decency, and begun to cultivate, a little patch 
 on the end of his chin. I argued with him, 
 and talked well on the subject, eloquent, but 
 it wuz of no use, I might as well have argued 
 with the wind in March. 
 
 He said, he wuz bound on goin' into Sara- 
 toga with a fashionable whisker, come what 
 would. 
 
 And then I sithed, and he sez, — " You have 
 broke up my pantaloons, my vest, and my 
 neck-tie, you have ground me down onto plain 
 
A Stand on Whiskers. 27 
 
 broadcloth, But in the matter of whiskers I am 
 firm ! Yes !" sez he, " on these whiskers I 
 take my stand !" 
 
 And agin I sithed heavy, and I sez in a 
 dretful impressive way, as I looked on 'em, 
 "Josiah Allen, remember you are a father, 
 and a grandfather ! " 
 
 And he sez firmly, " If I wuz a great-grand- 
 father I would trim my whiskers in jest this 
 way, that is if I wuz a goin' to set up to be 
 fashionable and a goin' to Saratoga for my 
 health." 
 
 And I groaned kinder low to myself, and 
 kep' hopin' that mebby they wouldn't grow 
 very fast, or that some axident would happen 
 to 'em, that they would get afire or sunthin'. 
 But they didn't. And they grew from day to 
 day luxurient in length, but thin. And his 
 watchful care kep' 'em from axident, and I wuz 
 too high princepled to set fire to 'em when he 
 wuz asleep, though sometimes, on a moonlight 
 night, I was tempted to, sorely tempted. 
 
 But. I didn't, and they grew from day to 
 day, till they wuz the curiusest lookin' patch 
 
28 The Neighbors and the News. 
 
 o' whiskers that I ever see. And "when we sot 
 out for Saratoga, they wuz jest about as long 
 as a shavin' brush, and looked some like one. 
 There wuz no look of a class-leader, and a per- 
 fesser about 'em, and I told him so. But he 
 worshiped 'em, and gloried in the idee of goin' 
 
 afar to show 
 'em off. 
 
 But the 
 neighbors re- 
 ceived the news 
 that we wuz go- 
 in' to a waterin' 
 Yf/j place coldly, or 
 \\j with ill-con- 
 cealed envy. 
 Uncle Jonas 
 
 He is deef as a hemlock post. ' 
 
 Bently told us 
 he shouldn't think we would want to go round 
 to waterin' troughs at our age. 
 
 And I told him it wuzn't a waterin' trough, 
 and if it wuz, I thought our age wuz jest as 
 good a one as any, to go to it. 
 
 He had the impression that Saratoga wuz a 
 
What the Teacher Said. 29 
 
 immense waterin' trough where the country all 
 drove themselves summeis to be watered. He 
 is deef as a hemlock post, and I yelled up at 
 him jest as loud as I dast for fear of breakin' 
 open my own chest, that the water got into us, 
 instid of our gettin' into the water, but I 
 didn't make him understand, for I hearn after- 
 wards of his sayin' that, as nigh as he could 
 make out we all got into the waterin' trough 
 and wuz watered. 
 
 The school teacher, a young man, with long, 
 small lims, and some pimpley on the face, but 
 well meanin', he sez to me: "Saratoga is a 
 beautiful spah." 
 
 And I sez warmly, "It aint no such thing, it 
 is a village, for I have seen a peddler who went 
 right through it, and watered his horses there, 
 and he sez it is a waterin' place, and a village." 
 
 " Yes," sez he, " it is a beautiful village, a 
 modest retiren city, and at the same time it is 
 the most noted spah on this continent." 
 
 I wouldn't contend with him for it wuz on 
 the stoop of the meetin' house, and I believe 
 in bein' reverent. But I knew it wuzn't no 
 
3° 
 
 What the Wimen Said. 
 
 " spah," — that had a dreadful flat sound to mo 
 And any way I knew 
 I should face its 
 realities soon and 
 
 know all about it. 
 Lots of wimen said 
 that for anybody who 
 lived right on the side 
 of a canal, and had two 
 good cisterns on the place, and a well, they 
 
 The school teacher sez to 
 me : " Saratoga is a beauti- 
 Ail »pah." 
 
A Stiddy Conversation. 3% 
 
 didn't see why I should feel in a sufferin' 
 condition for any more water; and if I did, 
 why didn't I ketch rain water ? 
 
 Such wuz si »me of the deep arguments they 
 brung up aginst my embarkin' on this enter- 
 prise, they talked about it sights and sights ; 
 —why it lasted the neighbors for a stiddy 
 conversation, till along about the middle of 
 the winter. Then the Minister's wife bought 
 a new alpacky dress — unbeknown to the 
 church till it wuz made up — and that kind 
 so' drawed their minds off o' me for a spell. 
 
 Aunt Polly Pixley wuz the only one who 
 received the intelligence gladly. And she 
 thought she would go too. She had been 
 kinder run down and most bed rid for years. 
 And she had a idee the water might help her. 
 And I encouraged Aunt Polly in the idee, for 
 she wuz well off. Yes, Mr. and Miss Pixley 
 wuz very well off though they lived in a little 
 mite of a dark, low, lonesome house, with some 
 tall Pollard willows in front of the door in a 
 row, and jest acrost the road from a grave-yard. 
 
 Her husband had been close and wuzn't 
 
32 Mr. Pixley's Recreation. 
 
 willin' to have any other luxury or means of 
 recreation in the house only a bass viol, that 
 had been his father's — he used to play on that 
 for hours and hours. I thought that wuz one 
 
 reason 
 why Pol- 
 
 Her husband used to play on that for hours 
 and hours. 
 
 g r u m- 
 blin' 
 
 a 
 
 goin' on from day to day, and to look at them 
 tall lonesome willows and grave stuns. 
 
 But howsumever Polly's husband had died 
 durin'* the summer and Polly parted with the 
 
Low-necked Dresses. 33 
 
 bass viol, the day after the funeral. She got 
 out some now, and wuz quite wrought up with 
 the idee of goin' to Saratoga. 
 
 But Sister Minkley, sister in the church, and 
 sister-in-law by reason of Whitefield, sez to 
 me, that she should think I would think twice, 
 before I danced and waltzed round waltzes. 
 
 And I sez, " I haint thought of doin' it, I 
 haint thought of dancin' ro^nd or square or 
 any other shape." 
 
 Sez she, " You have got to, if you go to 
 Saratoga." 
 
 Sez I, " Not while life remains in this 
 frame." 
 
 And old Miss Bobbet came up that minute 
 — it wuz in the store that we were a talkin' — •> 
 and sez she, " It seems to me Josiah Allen's 
 wife, that you are too old to wear low-necked 
 dresses and short sleeves." 
 
 " And I should think you'd take cold a goin' 
 bareheaded," sez Miss Luman Spink who wuz 
 with her. 
 
 Sez I, lookin' at 'em coldly, " Are you lunys 
 or has softness begun on your brains ?" 
 
34 
 
 A Straight Story. 
 
 " Why," sez they, " you are talking about 
 goin' to Saratoga haint you ?" 
 "Yes," sez I. 
 "Well then you have got 
 to wear 'em," sez Miss 
 Bobbet. " They don't 
 let anybody inside of 
 the incorporation 
 without they 
 
 short 
 
 sleeves." 
 
 "And 
 
 bare-headed," 
 
 sez Miss Spink; 
 
 " if they have got 
 
 a thing on their 
 
 heads they won't let 
 
 'em in." 
 
 Sez I, "I don't believe 
 it." 
 
 Sez Miss Bobbet, " It is 
 so, for I hearn it, and 
 «i hea™ it .traight.- hearn it straight. James 
 Bobbets's wife's sister had a second cousin 
 
Coats Kinder Pinted. 35 
 
 who lived neighbor to a woman whose niece 
 had been there, been right there on the spot. 
 And Celestine Bobbet, Uncle Ephraim's Celes- 
 tine, hearn it from, James'es wife when she 
 wuz up there last sprang, it come straight. 
 They all have to go in low necks." 
 
 "And not a mite of anything on their 
 heads," says Miss Spink. 
 
 Sez I in sarcasticle axents, " Do- men have 
 to go in low necks too ?" 
 
 " No," says Miss Bobbet. " But they have 
 to have the tails of their coats kinder pinted. 
 Why," sez she, " I hearn of a man that had 
 got clear to the incorporation and they 
 wouldn't let him in because his coat kinder 
 rounded off round the bottom, so he went 
 out by the side of -the road and pinned up 
 his coat tails, into a sort of a pinted shape, 
 and good land ! the incorporation let him right 
 in, and never said a word." 
 
 I contended that these things wuzn't so, but 
 I found it wuz the prevailin' opinion. For 
 when I went to see the dressmaker about 
 makin' me a dress for the occasion, I see she 
 
 3 
 
36 
 
 Getting Ready in Time. 
 
 felt just like the rest about it. My dress was 
 a good black alpacky. I thought I would have 
 it begun along in the edge of the winter, when 
 she didn't have so much to do, and also to 
 'have it done on time. We laid out to start on 
 
 ££% 
 
 1 went to see the dressmaker. 
 
 the follerin' July, and I felt that I wanted 
 everything ready. 
 
 I bought the dress the 7th day of November 
 early in the forenoon, the next day after my 
 pardner consented to go, and give 65 cents a 
 
Agast at the Idee. 37 
 
 yard for it, double wedth, I thought I could 
 get it done on time, dressmakers are drove a 
 good deal. But I felt that a dressmaker could 
 commence a dress in November and get it 
 done the follerin' July, without no great strain 
 bein' put onto her ; and I am fur from bein' 
 the one to put strains onto wimmen, and 
 hurry 'em beyend their strength. But I 
 felt Alminy had time to make it on honpr 
 and with good button-holes. 
 
 " Wall," she sez, the first thing after she 
 had unrolled the alpacky, and held it up to 
 the light to see if it was firm — : sez she : 
 
 " I s'pose you are goin' to have it made with 
 a long train, and low neck and short sleeves, 
 and the waist all girted down to a taper?" 
 
 I wuz agast at the idee, and to think Alminy 
 should broach it to me, and I give her a piece 
 of my mind that must have lasted her for days 
 and days. It wuz a long piece, and firm as 
 iron. But she is a woman who likes to have 
 the last word and carry out her own idees, 
 and she "insisted that nobody was allowed 
 in Saratoga — that they wuz outlawed, and 
 
38 Asfer the Waists. 
 
 laughed at — if they didn't have trains and 
 low necks, and little mites of waists no 
 bigger than pipe-stems. 
 
 Sez I, " Alminy Hagidone, do you s'pose 
 that I, a woman of my age, and a member of 
 the meetin' house, am a goin' to wear a low- 
 necked dress ?" 
 
 " Why not?" sez she, " it is all the fashion 
 and wimmen as old agin as you be wear 'em." 
 
 Well, sez I, "It is a shame and a disgrace 
 if they do, to say nqthin' of the wickedness of 
 it. Who do you s'pose wants to see their old 
 skin and bones ? It haint nothin' pretty any- 
 way. And as fer the waists bein' all girted up 
 and drawed in, that is nothin' but crushed 
 bones and flesh and vitals, that is just crowdiri' 
 down your insides into a state o' disease and 
 deformity, torturin' your heart down so's the 
 blood can't circulate, and your lungs so's you 
 can't breathe, it is nothin' but slow murder 
 anyway, and if I ever take it inlo my head to 
 kill myself, Alminy Hagidone, I haint a goin' 
 to do it in a way of perfect torture and torment 
 to me, I'd ruther be drownded." 
 
Saratoga Style. 
 
 39 
 
 She quailed, and I sez, " I am one that is 
 goin' to take good long breaths to the very 
 last." She see I wuz like iron 
 aginst the idee of bein' drawed in, 
 and tapered, 
 and she desist- 
 ed. I s'pose 
 I did look 
 skairful. But 
 she seemed 
 still to cling 
 to the idee of 
 low necks and 
 trains, and 
 she sez sort a 
 rebukingly : 
 
 " You ortn'f 
 Saratoga if you hain' 
 in' to do as the rest 
 s'pose," sez she dreamily, A " on '«^« £ irtin * wit * 
 " the streets are full of 
 wimmen a walkin' up and down with long 
 trains a hangin' down and sweepin' the streets, 
 and ev'ry one on 'em with low necks and 
 
40 The Dress Completed. 
 
 short sleeves, and all on 'em a flirting with 
 some man." 
 
 " Truly," sez I, " if that is so, that is why 
 the idee come to me. I am needed there. I 
 have a high mission to perform about. But I 
 don't believe it is so." 
 
 " Then you won't have it made with a long 
 train ?" sez she, a holdin' up a breadth of the 
 alpacky in front of me, to measure the skirt. 
 
 " No mom !" sez I, and there was both 
 dignity and deep resolve in that " mom." It 
 wuz as firm and stern principled a " mom " as 
 I ever see, though I say it that shouldn't. 
 And I see it skairt her. She measured off the 
 breadths kinder trembly, and seemed so 
 anxious to pacify me that she got it a leetle 
 shorter in the back than it wuz in the front. 
 And (for the same reason) it fairly choked me 
 in the neck it wuz so high, and the sleeves 
 wuz that long that I told Josiah Allen (in 
 confidence) I was tempted to knit some loops 
 across the bottom of 'em and wear 'em for mits. 
 
 But I didn't, and I didn't change the dress 
 neither. Thinkses I, mebby it will have a good 
 
Soothing a Pardner. 41 
 
 moral effect on them other old wimmen there. 
 Thinkses I, when they see another woman 
 melted and shortened and choked fur princi- 
 ple's sake, mebby they will pause in their 
 wild careers. 
 
 Wall, this wuz in November, and I wuz to 
 have the dress, if it wuz a possible thing, by 
 the middle of April, so's to get it home in 
 time to sew some lace in the neck. And so 
 havin' everything settled about goin' I wuz 
 calm in my frame most all' the time, and so 
 wuz my pardner. 
 
 And right here, let me insert this one word 
 of wisdom for the special comfort of my sect 
 and yet it is one that may well be laid to heart 
 by the more opposite one. If your pardner 
 gets restless and oneasy and middlin' cross, as 
 pardners will be anon, or even oftener — start 
 them off on a tower. A tower will in 9 cases 
 out of 10 lift 'em out of their oneasiness, their 
 restlessness and their crossness. 
 
 Why this is so I cannot tell, no more than I 
 can explain other mysteries of creation, but I 
 know it is so. I know they will come home 
 
42 
 
 The Lion and the Lamb. 
 
 more placider, more serener, and more settled- 
 downer. Why I have known a short tower to 
 Slab City or Loontown act like a charm on my 
 pardner, when crossness wuz in his mean and 
 snappishness wuz present with him. I have 
 known him to set off with the mean of a lion 
 
 I have known him to set off -with the mean of a Hon and come back 
 with the liniment of a lamb. 
 
 and come back with the liniment of a lamb 
 Curious, haint it ? 
 
 And jest the prospect of a tower ahead is a 
 great help to a woman in rulin' and keepin' a 
 pardner straight and right in his liniments 
 and his acts. Somehow jest the thought of a 
 tower sort a lifts him up in mind, and happifys 
 
Quelling a Pardner. 
 
 43 
 
 him, and makes him easier to quell, and 
 pardners must be quelled at times, e.lse there 
 would be no livin' with 'em. This is known 
 to all wiinmen companions and men too* 
 Great, great is the mystery of pardners. 
 
ARDELIA fUTT AND HER MOTHER. 
 
 UT to resoom and continue on. I was 
 a settin' one day, after it wuz all 
 decided, and plans laid on ; I wuz a settin' by 
 the fire a mendin' one of Josiah's socks. I 
 wuz a settin' there, as soft and pliable in my 
 temper as the woosted I wuz a darnin' 'em with, 
 my Josiah at the same time a peacefelly sawin' 
 wood in the wood-house, when I heard a rap at 
 the door and I riz up and opened it, and there 
 stood two perfect strangers, females. I, with 
 a perfect dignity and grace (and with the sock 
 still in my left hand) asked 'em to set down, 
 and consequently they sot. Then ensued a 
 
 44 
 
A Hard Sight. 45 
 
 slight pause durin' which my two gray eyes 
 roamed over the females before me. 
 
 The oldest bne wuz very sharp in her face 
 and had a pair of small round eyes that 
 seemed when they were sot onto you to sort a 
 bore into you like two gimblets. Her nose 
 was very sharp and defient, as if it wuz con- 
 stantly sayin' to itself, " I am a nose to be 
 looked up to, I am a nose to be respected, 
 and feared if rfecessary." Her chin said the 
 same thing and her lips which wuz very thin, 
 and her elboes, which wuz very sharp. 
 
 Her dress wuz a stiff sort of a shinin' poplin, 
 made tight acrost the chest and elboes. And 
 her hat had some stiff feathers in it that stood 
 up straight and sort a sharp lookin'. She had 
 a long sharp breast-pin sort a stabbed in 
 through the front of her stiff standin' collar, 
 and her knuckles sot out through her firm 
 lisle thread gloves, her umberell wuz long and 
 wound up hard, to that extent I have never 
 seen before nor sense. She wuz, take it all in 
 all, a hard sight, and skairful. 
 
 The other one wuzn't no more like her in 
 
46 The Tender Poet. 
 
 looks than a soft fat young cabbage head ia 
 like the sharp bean pole that it grows up by- 
 the side on, in the same garden. She wuz 
 soft in her complexion, her lips, her cheeks, 
 her hands, and as I mistrusted at that first 
 minute, and found out afterwards, soft in her 
 head too. Her dress wuz a loose-wove par- 
 metty, full in the waist and sort a drabbly 
 round the bottom. Her hat wuz drab-colored 
 felt with some loose ribbon bows a hangin' 
 down on it, and some soft ostridge tips. She 
 had some silk mits on and her hands wuz fat 
 and kinder moist-lookin'. Her eyes wuz very 
 large, and round, and blue, and looked sort o' 
 dreamy and wanderin', and there wuz a kind of 
 a wrapped smile on her face all the time. She 
 had a roll of paper in her hand and I didn't 
 dislike her looks a mite. 
 
 Finally the oldest female opened her lips T 
 some as a steel trap would open sudden and 
 kinder sharp, and sez she: "I am Miss Deacon 
 Tutt of Tuttville, and this is my second 
 daughter Ardelia. Cordelia is my oldest, 
 and I have 4 younger than Ardelia." 
 
A Bagfull of Poems. 47 
 
 I bowed real polite and said, " I wuz glad to 
 make the acquaintance of the hull 7 on 'em." 
 I can be very genteel when I set out, alm6st 
 stylish. 
 
 " I s'pose," sez she, " I am talkin' to Josiah 
 Allen's wife ?" 
 
 I gin her to understand that that wuz my 
 name and my station, and she went on, and 
 sez she : "I have hearn on you through my 
 husband's 2d cousin, Cephas Tutt." 
 
 " Cephas," sez she, " bein' wrote to by ma 
 on the subject of- Ardelia, the same letter con- 
 tainin' seven poe'ms of hern, and on bein' 
 asked to point out the quickest way to make 
 her name and fame known to the world at 
 large, wrote back that he havin' always dealt 
 in butter and lard,- wuzn't Up to the market 
 price in poetry, and that you would be a good 
 one to go to for advice. And so," sez she a 
 pointin' to a bag she carried on her arm (a 
 hard lookin' bag made of crash with little 
 bullets and knobs of .embroidery on it), " and 
 so we took this bag full of Ardelia's poetry 
 and come on the mornin' train, Cephas'es 
 
48 A Soarin y Genius. 
 
 letter havin' reached us at nine o'clock last 
 night. I am a woman of business." 
 
 The bag would hold about 4 quarts and it 
 wuz full. I looked at it and sithed. 
 
 " I see," sez she, " that you are sorry that 
 we .didn't bring more poetry with us. But we 
 thought that this little batch would give you a 
 idee of what a mind she has, what a glorious, 
 soarin' , genus was in front of you, and we 
 could bring more the next time we come." 
 
 I sithed agin, three times, but Miss Tutt 
 didn't notice 'em a mite no more'n they'd been 
 giggles or titters. She wouldn't have took 
 no notice of them. She wuz firm and decided 
 doin' her own errent, and not payin' no atten- 
 tion to anything, nor anybody else. 
 
 "Ardelia, read the poem you have got 
 under your arm to Miss Allen! The bag 
 wuz full of her longer ones," sez she, "but 
 I felt that I must let you hear her poem 
 on Spring. It is a gem. I felt it would be 
 wrongin' you, not ta give you • that treat. 
 Read it Ardelia." 
 
 I See Ardelia wuz used to obeyin' her ma. 
 
The First Gem. . 51 
 
 She opened the sheet to once, and begun. It 
 wuz as follows : 
 
 "ARDEUA TUTT ON SPRING." 
 
 "Oh spring, sweet spring, thou comest in the spring; 
 Thou comest in the spring time of the year. 
 We fain would have thee come in Autumn ; fling- 
 est thou so sad a shade, oh Spring, so dear? 
 
 " So dear the hopes thou draggest in thy rear, 
 So mournful, and so wan, and not so sweet ; 
 So weird thou art, and oh, all ! all ! too dear 
 Art thou, alas ! oh mournful spring ; my ear— 
 
 " My ear that long did lay'at gate of hope, 
 Prone at the gate while years glided by— 
 I fain would lift that ear, alas, why cope 
 With cruel wrong, it must He there so heavy, 'ti» 
 my eye — 
 
 " My eye, I fling o'er buried ruins long, 
 I flung it there, regardless of the loss ; 
 That eye, I fain would gather in with song ; 
 In vain ! 'tis gone, I bow and own the cross- 
 
 4 
 
52 -Another Treat. - 
 
 u Dear ear, lone eye, sweet buried hopes, alas, 
 I give thee to the proud inexorable main ; 
 Deep calls to deep, and it doth not reply, 
 But sayeth my heart, they will not be mine own 
 again." 
 
 Jest the minute Ardelia stopped readin' 
 Miss Tutt says proudly : " There ! haint that 
 a remarkable poem ?" 
 
 Sez I, calmly, " Yes it is a remarkable one." 
 
 " Did you ever hear anything like it?" sea 
 she triumphly. 
 
 " No," sez I honestly, " I never did." 
 
 " Ardelia, read the poem on Little Ardelia 
 Cordelia ; give Miss Allen the treat of hearin' 
 that beautiful thing." • 
 
 I sort a sithed low to myself; it wuz more 
 of a groan than a common sithe, but Miss 
 Tutt didn't heed it, she kep' right on — 
 
 "I have always brought up my-children to 
 make other folks happy, all they can, and in 
 rehearsin' this lovely and remarkable poem, 
 Ardelia will be not only makin' you perfectly 
 happy, givin' you a rich intellectual feast, that 
 you can't often have, way out here i*i the 
 
Joy and Business. 53 
 
 country, fur from Tuttville ; but she will also 
 be attendin' to the business that brought us 
 here. I have always fetched my children up to 
 combine joy and business ; weld 'em together 
 like brass and steel. Ardelia! begin!" 
 
 So Ardelia commenced agin. It wuz wrote 
 on a big sheet of paper and a runnin''vinewu'z 
 a runnin' all 'round the edge of the paper, 
 made with a pen, it wuz as follows: 
 
 "Stanzas Entitled 
 
 "SWEET WTTI.E THING. 
 
 " Wrote on the. death of Ardelia Cordelia/who died at 
 the age of seven days and seven hours." 
 
 " Sweet little thing, that erst so soon did bloom, 
 And didest but fade, as falls the mystic flower I 
 Sweet little thing, we did but erst low croon, 
 To thee a plaintive lay, and lo ! for hour and hour- 
 Sweet little thing. 
 
 " For hours we sang to thee of high emprise, the song* 
 of hope 
 Though aged but week (and seven hours) thou 
 laughested in thy sleep ; 
 
54 A Remarkable Poem. 
 
 We cling to that in peace, though mope 
 The dullard knave, and biddest us go and weep-» 
 Sweet little thing. 
 
 " Thou laughested at high emprise, and yet, in sooth, 
 'Twere craven to say thou couldst not rise 
 To scale the mounts ! to. soar the cliffs ! if worth 
 Were the test, twice worthy thou, in that the merit 
 
 lies — 
 
 Sweet little thing. 
 
 "Thy words that might have shook the breathless 
 world with might ; 
 Alas ! I catchested not on any earthly ground, 
 That voice that might have guided nations high 
 aright, 
 Congealed within thy tiny windpipe 'twas, it did 
 not steal around— ,' 
 
 Sweet little thing. 
 
 •' Sweet little thing, so soon thy wings unfurled 
 A wing, a feather lone low floated up the yard ; 
 A world might weep, a world might stand appalled, 
 To hear it low rehearsed by tearful female bard- 
 Sweet little thing." 
 
 Jest as soon as Ardelia stopped rehearsin 1 
 the verses, Miss Tutt sez agin to me : 
 " Haint that a most remarkable poem ?" 
 
A Poem of Passion. 55 
 
 And agin I sez calmly, and truthfully, " Yes, 
 it is a very remarkable one !" 
 
 "And now," sez Miss Tutt, plungin' her 
 hand in the bag, and drawin' out a sheet of 
 paper, " to convince you that Ardelia has al- 
 ways had this divine gift of poesy — that it is 
 not all the effect of culture and high education 
 — let me read to you a poem she wrote when 
 she was only a mere child," and Miss Tutt 
 read: 
 
 "WNES ON A CAT 
 
 "written by ardelia TUTT, 
 
 "At the age of fourteen years, two months and sight 
 days. 
 
 " Oh Cat ! Sweet Tabby cat of mine ; 
 6 months of age has passed o'er thee^ 
 And I would not resign, resign 
 The pleasure that I find in you. 
 Dear old cat." 
 
 " Don't you think," sez Miss Tutt, " that 
 this poem shows a fund of passion, a reserve 
 
56 Shakespeare Didn't. 
 
 power of passion and constancy, remarkable 
 in one so young ?" 
 
 "Yes," sez I reasonably, "no doubt sht 
 liked the cat! And," sez I, wantin' to say 
 somethin' pleasant and agreeable to her, " m 
 doubt it wuz a likely cat." 
 
 " Oh the cat itself is of miner importance,' 
 sez Miss Tutt. "We will fling the cat to the 
 winds. It's of my daughter I would speak. I 
 simply handled the cat to show the rare pre> 
 cocious intellect. Oh I how it gushed out in 
 the last line, in the unconquerable burst of 
 repressed passion — ' Dear old cat !' Shake- 
 speare might have wrote that line, do you 
 not think so ?" 
 
 " No doubt he might," sez I, calmly, " but 
 he didn't." 
 
 I see she looked mad and I hastened to say: 
 " He wuzn't aquainted with the cat." 
 
 She looked kinder mollyfied and continued : 
 " Ardelia dashes off things with a speed that 
 would astonish a mere common writer. Why 
 she dashed .off thirty-nine verses once while 
 she was waitin' for the dish water to bile, and 
 
Pegasus. 59 
 
 sent 'em right off to the printer, without 
 glancin' at 'em agin." 
 
 " I dare say so," sez I, " I should judge so 
 by the sound on 'em." 
 
 *' Out of envy, and jealousy, the rankest 
 envy, and 'the shearest jealousy, them verses 
 wuz sent back with the infamous request that 
 she should use 'em for curl papers. But she 
 sot .right down and wrote forty-eight verses on 
 a ' Cruel Request,' wrote 'em inside of eighteen, 
 minutes. She throws off things, Ardelia does, 
 in half an hour, that it would take other poets, 
 weeks and weeks to write." 
 
 " I persume so," sez I, " I dare persume to 
 say, they never could write 'em." 
 
 " And now," sez Miss Tutt, " the question 
 is, will you put Ardelia on the back of that 
 horse that poets ride to glory on ? Will you 
 lift her onto the back of that horse, and do it 
 at once? I require nothin' hard of you," sez 
 she, a borin' me through and through with 
 her eyes. "It must be a joy to you, Josiah 
 Allen's wife, a rare joy, to be the means of 
 bringin' this rare genius before the public. I 
 
6o Fame and Wealth. 
 
 ask nothin' hard of you, I only ask that you 
 demand, demand is the right word, not ask; 
 that would be grovelin' trucklin' folly, but 
 demand that the public that has long ignored 
 my daughter Ardelia's claim to a seat amongst 
 the immortal poets, demand them, compel 
 them to pause, to listen, and then seat her 
 there, up, up on the highest, most perpendiciler 
 pinnacle of fame's pillow. Will you do this? r 
 
 I sat in deep, dejection and my rockin' chair, 
 and knew not what to say — and Miss Tutt. 
 went on : " We demand more than fame, death* 
 less immortal fame for 'em. We want money, 
 wealth for 'em, and want it at once ! We want 
 it for extra household expenses, luxuries, 
 clothing, jewelry, charity, etc , If we enrich 
 the world with this rare genius, the world must 
 enrich us with it richest emmolients. Will 
 you see that we have it ? Will you at once do 
 as I asked you to ? Will you seat her immeg. 
 ately where I want her sot ?" 
 
 Sez I, considering " I can't get her up there 
 alone, Thaint strong enough." Sez I, sort a 
 mekanikly, " I have got the rheumatiz." 
 
, Spunkm* up. 6l 
 
 " S» you scoff me do you ? - 1 came to you 
 to get bread, am I to get worse than a stun — 
 a scoff?" 
 
 " I haint gin you no scoff," sez I, a spunkin' 
 up a little, " I haint thought on it. I like 
 Ardelia and wish her well, but I can't do 
 jnerikles, I can't compel the public to like 
 things if they don't." 
 
 Sez Miss Tutt, " You are jealous of her, 
 • you hate her." 
 
 " No, I don't," sez I, " I haint jealous of her, 
 and I like her looks first-rate. I love a pretty 
 young girl," sez I candidly, "jest as I love 
 a fresh posy with the dew still on it, a 
 dainty rose-bud with the sweet fragrance 
 layin' on its half-folded heart. I love 'em," 
 sez I, a beginnin' to eppisode a little, unbe- 
 known to me, " I love 'em jest as I love 
 the soft unbroken silence of the early spring 
 mornin', the sun all palely tinted with rose 
 and blue, and the earth a layin' calm and un- 
 woke-up, fresh and fair. I love such a mornin 11 
 and such a life, for itself and for the unwritten 
 prophecis in it. And when I see genius ia 
 
62 Hens and Doves. 
 
 auch a sweet, 'young life, why it makes me 
 feel as it duz to see through all the tender 
 prophetic beauty of the mornin' skies, a big 
 white dove a soarin' up through the blue 
 heavens." 
 
 Sez Miss Tutt, "You see that in Ardelia, but 
 you wont own it, you know you do." 
 
 " No !" sez I, " I would love to tell you that 
 I see it in Ardelia; I would honest, but I 
 can't look into them mornin' skies and say I" 
 see a white dove there, when I don't see 
 nothin' more than a plump pullet, a jumpin' 
 down from the fence, or a pickin' round calmly 
 in the back door-yard. Jest as likely the hen 
 is, as the white dove, jest as honerable, but 
 you mustn't confound the two together." 
 
 " A Aen," sez Miss Tutt bitterly. " To con- 
 found my Ardelia with a hen! And I don't 
 think there wuz ever a more ironicler ' hen ' 
 than that wuz, or a scornfuller one." 
 - "Why," sez I reasonably. "Hens are 
 necessary and useful in any position, both 
 walkin', and settin', and layin'. You can't 
 ■get 'em in any position hardly, but what they 
 
Capacity for' Soarirf. 63 
 
 are useful and respectable, only jest flyin'. 
 Hens can't fly. Their wings haint shaped for 
 it. They look some like a dove's Swings on 
 the outside, the same feathers, the same way 
 of stretchin' 'em out. But there is suhthin 
 lackin' in 'em, some heaven»given capacity for 
 soarin' and for flight that the hens don't have. 
 And it makes trouble, sights and sights of 
 trouble when hens try to fly, try to, and 
 can't ! 
 
 " At the same time it is hard for a dove to 
 settle down in a back yard and stay there, 
 hard and tegus. She can and duz sometimes, 
 but never till after her wings have been 
 clipped in some way. Poor little dove ! I am 
 always sorry for 'em, to see 'em a walkin' 
 round there, a wantin' to fly — a not forgettin' 
 how it seemed to have their wings' soarin' up 
 through the clear sky, and the rush of the 
 pure liquid wind-waves a swecpin' aginst 'em, 
 as they riz up, up, in freedom, and happiness, 
 and glory. Poor little creeters. 
 
 " Yes, but doves can, if you clip their wings, 
 settle down and walk, but hens can't fly, 
 
64 Tuff Sights. 
 
 not for any length of time they can't. No 
 amount of stimulatin' poultices applied to the 
 ends of their tail feathers and wings can ever 
 make 'em fly. ■ They can't ; it haint their 
 nater. They can make nests, and fill them 
 with pretty downy chicks, they can be happy 
 and beautiful in life and mean ; they can spend 
 their lives in jest as honerable and worthy .a 
 way as if they wuz a flyin' round, and make a 
 good honerable appearance from day to day, 
 till they begin to flop their wings, and fly — 
 then their mean is not beautiful and inspiring 
 no, it is fur from it. It is tuff to see 'em, tuff 
 to see the floppin', tuff to see their vain efforts 
 to soar through the air, tuff to see 'em fail 
 percepitbusly down onto the ground agin. 
 i?or they must come there in the end ; they are 
 morally certain to. 
 
 "Now Ardelia is a sweet pretty lookin' 
 girl, she can set down in a cushioned arm- 
 chair by a happy fireside, with pretty baby- 
 faces a clusterin' around her and some man's 
 face like the sun a reflecting back the light of 
 her happy heart. But she can't set up on the 
 
Maternal Pride Aroused. 
 
 65 
 
 pinnacle of fame's pillow. I don't believe she 
 can ever get tip there, I don't. Honestly 
 speakin', I don't." 
 
 " Envy I " sez Miss Tutt, 
 " glarin', shameless 
 envy! You don't 
 waikt Ardelia to rise I 
 
 You don't 
 to mount 
 I spoke of; 
 want to own 
 see genius 
 
 A possible future for Ardelia. 
 
 want her 
 that horse 
 you don't 
 that you 
 in her. 
 
 But you do, Josiah Allen's wife, you know 
 you do—" 
 
66 Samantha Speaks her Mind. 
 
 "No," sez I, "I don't see it. I see the 
 sweetness of pretty girlhood, the beauty and 
 charm of openin' life, but I don't see nothin' 
 else, I don't, honest. I don't believe she has 
 got genius," sez I, " seein' you put the ques- 
 tion straight to me and demand a answer; 
 seein' her future career depends on her choice 
 now, I must tell you that I believe she would 
 succeed better in the millionary trade or the 
 mantilly maker's than she will in tryin' to 
 mount the horse you speak on. 
 
 "Why," sez I, candidly, " some folks can't 
 get up on that horse, their legs haint strong 
 enough. "And if .they do manage to get on, 
 it throws 'em, and they lay under the heels 
 for life. I don't want to see Ardelia there, I 
 don't want to see her maimed and lamed and 
 stunted so early in the mornin' of life, by a 
 kick from that animal, for she can't ride it," 
 sez I, " honestly, she can't. , 
 
 " There is nothin' so useless in life, and. so 
 sort a wearin' as to be a lookin' for sunthin' 
 that haint there. And when you pretend it ia 
 there when it haint, you are addin' iniquity to 
 
A Peace Offering. 67 
 
 aselessness ; so if you'll take my advice, the 
 advice of a well-wisher, you will stop lookin', 
 for I tell you, plain that it haint there." 
 
 Sez Miss Tutt, "Josiah Allen's wife, you 
 have for reasens best known to your conscience 
 baulked my hopes of a speedy immortality. 
 You have willfully tried to break down my 
 hopes of an immense, immediate income to 
 flow out of them poems for luxuries, jewelry, 
 charity, etc. But I can at least claim this at 
 your hands, I demand honesty. Tell me 
 honestly what you yourself think of thera 
 poems." 
 
 Sez I (gettin' up sort a quick and goin' into 
 the buttery, and bringin' out a little basket), 
 " Here are some beautiful sweet apples, won't 
 you have one ? " 
 
 " Apples, at such a time as this !" sez Miss 
 Tutt. " When the slumberin' world trembles 
 before the advancin' tread of a new poet — ■ 
 When the heavens are listenin' intently to 
 ketch the whispers of an Ardelia's fate — Sweet 
 apples ! in such a time as this I" sez she. But 
 she took two. 
 
 5 
 
68 A Fearful Seen. 
 
 " I demand the truth," sez she. " And you 
 are a -base, trucklin' coward, if you give it 
 not." 
 
 Sez I, try in' to carry off the subject and the 
 apples into the buttery ; '* Poetry ort to have 
 pains took with it." 
 
 "Jealousy!" sez Miss Tutt. "Jealousy 
 might well whisper this. Envy, rank envy 
 might breathe the suspicion that Ardelia 
 haint been took pains with. But I can see 
 through it," sez she. " I can see through it." 
 
 " Well," sez I, wore out, " if they belonged 
 to me, and if she wuz my girl, I would throw 
 the verses into the fire, and set her to a 
 trade." 
 
 She stood for a minute and bored me 
 through and through with them eyes. Why it 
 seemed as if there wuz two holes clear through 
 my very spirit, and sole ; she partly lifted 
 that fearful lookin' umberell as if to pierce me 
 through and through ; it wuz a fearful seen. 
 
 At last she turned, and flung the apple she 
 wuz a holdin' onto the floor at my feet — and 
 sez she, " I scorn 'em, and you too." And she 
 
Enough of Troubles. 69 
 
 kinder stomped her feet and sez, " I fling off 
 the dust I have gethered here, at your feet." 
 
 Now my floor wuz clean and looked like 
 yeller glass, almost, it wuz so shinin' and 
 spotless, and I resented the idee of her sayin' 
 that she collected dust off from it. But I 
 didn't say nothin' back. She had the bag of 
 poetry on her arm, and I didn't feel like addin' 
 any more to her troubles. 
 
 But Ardelia, after her mother had swept out 
 ahead, turned round and held out her hand, 
 and smiled a sweet but ruther of a despondent 
 and sorrowful smile, and I kissed her warmly. 
 I like Ardelia. And what I said, I said for 
 her good, and she knew it. I like Ardelia. 
 
 Well, Miss Tutt and Ardelia went from our 
 house to Eben Pixley's. They are distant 
 relatives of hern, and live about 3 quarters of 
 a mile from us. The Pixley's think every- 
 thing of Ardelia but they can't bear her 
 mother. .There has been difficulties in the 
 family. 
 
 But Ardelia stayed there more'n two weeks 
 right along. She haint very happy to home 
 
7° 
 
 The New Teacker. 
 
 I believe. A, id before she went back borne it 
 wuz arranged tbat sbe should teach the 
 winter's ttchool and board to Miss Pixley's. 
 But Misb Pixley wuz took sick with the tyfus 
 before she had been there two weeks — and, 
 for all the world, if the deestrict didn't want 
 us to board her. Josiah hadn't much to do, so 
 he could carry her 'back and forth in stormy 
 weather, and it wuz her wish to come. And 
 it wuz Josiah's wish too, for the pay wuz good, 
 and the work light — for him. And so I con- 
 sented after. a parlay. 
 
 But I didn't regret it. She is a good little 
 creeter, ar;d no more like her mother than a 
 feather V:d is like a darnin' needle. I like 
 Ardelia: so duz Josiah. 
 
m. 
 
 THE CHERITY OF THE JONESVILLIANS. 
 
 E have been havin' a pound 
 party here in Jonesville. 
 There wuz a lot of chil- 
 dren left without any father or mother, nobody 
 only an old grandma to take care of 'em, and 
 she wuz half bent with the rheumatiz, and 
 had a swelled neck, and lumbago and fits. 
 They lived in an old tumble-down house 
 
 71 
 
1% Big Game. 
 
 jest outside of Jonesville. The i^Jier wuz, I 
 couldn't deny, a shiftless sort of a chap, good- 
 natured, always ready to obleege a neighbor, 
 but he hadn't no faculty. And I don't know, 
 come to think of it, as any body is any more 
 to blame if they are born without a faculty, 
 than if they are born with Only one eye. 
 Faculty is one of the things that you can't buy. 
 
 He loved to hunt. That is, he loved to 
 hunt some kinds of things. He never loved 
 to hunt stiddy, hard work, and foller on the 
 trail of it till he overtook success and cap- 
 tured it. No, he druther hunt' after cata- 
 mounts and painters, in woods where cata- 
 mounts haint mounted, and painters haint 
 painted sence he wuz born. 
 
 He generally killed nothin' bigger than red 
 
 4 
 
 squirrels and chipmunks. The biggest game 
 he ever brought down wuz himself. He shot 
 himself one cold day in the fall of the year. 
 He wuz gittin' over a brush fence, they s'posed 
 the gun hit against somethin' and went ofT, for 
 ti:ey found him a layin' dead at the bottom of 
 the fence. 
 
A Strange Providence. 75 
 
 I always s'posed that the shock of his death 
 comin' so awful sudden onto her, killed his 
 wife. She had been sick for a long spell, she had 
 consumption, and dropsy, and so forth, and so 
 forth, for a long time, and after he wuz 
 brought in dead, she didn't live a week. She 
 thought her eyes of him, for no earthly reason 
 as I could ever see. How strange, how strange 
 a dispensation of Providence it duz seem, that 
 some women love some men, and vicy versey 
 and the same. 
 
 But she did jest about .worship him, and 
 she died whisperin' his name, and reachin' out 
 her hands as if she see him jest ahead of her. 
 And I told Josiah I didn't know but she did. 
 I shouldn't wonder a mite if she did see him, 
 for there is only the veil of mystery between 
 us and the other world at any time, and she 
 had got so. nigh to it, that I s'pose it got so 
 thin that she could see through it. 
 
 Just as you can see through the blue haze 
 that lays before our forest in Injun summer. 
 Come nigh up to it and you can see the silvery 
 trunks of the maples and the red sumac 
 
76 A Bereaved Household. 
 
 leaves, ami the bright evergreens, and the 
 forms of the happy hunters a passin' along 
 under the glint of the sunbeams and the soft 
 shadows. 
 
 They died in Injun summer. I made a 
 wreath myself of the bright colored leaves to 
 lay on their coffins. Dead leaves, dead to 
 all use and purpose here, and yet with the 
 bright mysterious glow upon them that put 
 me in mind of some immortal destiny, and 
 blossoming beyond our poor dim vision . Jane 
 Smedley wuz a good woman, and so wuz Jim, 
 good but shiftless. 
 
 But I made the same wreath for her and 
 Jim, and the strange mellow light lay on both 
 of 'em, makin' me think in spite of myself of 
 some happy sunrisin' that haply may dawn 
 on some future huntin' ground, where poor 
 Jim Smedley even, may strike .the trail of 
 success and happiness, hid now from the sight 
 of Samantha, hid from Josiah. 
 
 Wall, they died within a week's time of 
 each other, and left nine children, the oldest 
 one of 'em not quite fifteen. She, the oldest 
 
Hard Times. 77 
 
 one, wuz a good girl, only she had the rickets 
 so that when she walked, she seemed to walk 
 off all over the house backwards, and side- 
 ways, and every way, but when she sot down, 
 she wuz a good stiddy girl, and faithful ; sbe 
 took after her mother, and her mother took 
 after her grandmother, so there wuz three 
 takin' after each other, one • right after the 
 other. 
 
 Jane wuz a good faithful hard-workin' cree- 
 ter when she wuz well, brought up hef 
 children good as, she could, learnt 'em the 
 catechism, and took in all kinds of work to 
 earn a little somethin' towards gettin' a home 
 for 'em ; she and her mother both did, hei 
 mother lived with 'em, and wuz a smart old 
 woman, too, for one that wuz pretty nigh 
 ninety. And she wuzn't worrysome much, 
 only about one thing — she wanted a home f 
 wanted a home dretfully. Some wimmen are 
 so ; she had moved round so much, from one 
 poor old place to another, that she sort o' 
 hankered after bein' settled down into a stiddy 
 home. 
 
78 Town Charity. 
 
 Wall, there wuz eight children youngei 
 than Marvilla, thatwuz the oldest young girl's 
 name. Eight of 'em, countin' each pair of 
 twins as two, as I s'pose they ort. The Town 
 buried the father and mother, which wuz likely 
 and clever in it, but after that it wouldn't 
 give only jest so much a week, which wuz very 
 little, because it said, Town did, that they 
 could go to the poor-house, they could be sup- 
 ported easier there. 
 
 I' don't know as the Town could really be 
 blamed for sayin' it, and yet it seemed kinder 
 mean in it, the Town wuz so big, and the chil- 
 dren, most of 'em, wuz so little. 
 
 But any way, it wuz jest sot on it, and 
 there wuz the end of it, for you might jest as 
 well dispute the wind as to dispute the Town 
 when it gets sot. 
 
 Wall, the old grandma said she would die in 
 the streets before she would go to the" poor- 
 house. She had come from a good family in 
 the first place. They say she run away and 
 left a good home and got married, and did 
 dretful poor in the married state. He wua 
 
Wanting a Home. 79 
 
 shiftless and didn't have nothin', and didn't 
 lay up any. And she didn't keep any of her 
 old possessions only jest her pride. She kept 
 that, or enough of it to say that she would die 
 on the road before she would go to the poor- 
 house. And once 
 I see her cry she 
 wanted a home so 
 bad. 
 
 And lots of 
 folks blamed her 
 for it, blamed the 
 old woman awful- 
 ly. They said 
 pride wuz so 
 wicked. Wim- 
 men who would 
 run like deers if 
 
 And once I see her cry she wanted a 
 home 60 bad. 
 
 company came 
 
 when they wuzn't dressed up slick, they 
 would say the minute they got back into the 
 room, all out of breath with hurryin' into 
 their best clothes, they'd say a-pantin', " That 
 old woman ought to be made to go to the 
 
8o A Pound Party Proposed. 
 
 poor-house, to take the pride out of her, pride 
 wuz so awfully, dretfully- wicked, and it wuz 
 a shame that she wuz so ongrateful as to 
 want a home of her own." And then they 
 would set down and rest. 
 
 Wall, the family was in a sufferin' state. 
 The Town allowed 'em one dollar a week. But 
 how wuz ten human beings to live on a dollar 
 a week. The children worked every chance 
 they got, but they couldn't earn enough to 
 keep 'em in shoes, let alone other clothin' and 
 vittles. And the old house was too cold for 
 'em to stay in durin' the cold weather, it wuz 
 for Grandma Smedley, anyway, if the children 
 could stand it, she couldn't. And what wuz 
 to be done. A cold winter wuz a coniin' on, 
 and it wouldn't delay a minute because Jim 
 Smedley had got shot, and his wife had fol- 
 lered him, into, let us hope, a happier huntin' 
 ground than he had ever found in earthly 
 forests. 
 
 Wall, I proposed to have a pound party for 
 'em. I said they might have it to our house 
 if they wanted it, but if they thought they 
 
Fire-side Meditations. 8i 
 
 wanted it in a more central place (our house 
 wuz quite a little to one side), why we could 
 have it to the school-house. 
 
 I proposed to Josiah the first one. He wuz 
 a settin' by the fire relapsed into silence. It 
 wuz a cold night outside, but the red cvirtains 
 wuz down at our sitting-room winders, shettin' 
 out the cold drizzlin' storm of hail and snow 
 that wuz a descendin' onto the earth. The 
 fire burned up warm and bright, and we sot 
 there in our comfortable home,- with the tea- 
 kettle singin' on the stove, and the tea-table 
 set out cosy and cheerful, for Josiah had been 
 away and I had waited supper for him. 
 
 As I sot there waitin' for the tea-kettle to 
 bile (and when I say bile, I mean bile, I don't 
 mean simmer) the thought' of the Smedleys 
 would come in. The warm red curtains would 
 keep the storm out, but they couldn't keep the 
 thought of the children, and the feeble old 
 grandmother out of the room. They come 
 right in, through the curtains, and the fire- 
 light, and everything, and sot right down by 
 me and hanted me. 
 
82 Curious Creeters. 
 
 And what curious creeters thoughts be, 
 haint they? and oncertain, too. You may 
 make all your plans to get away from 'em. 
 You may shet up your doors and winders, 
 and set with a veil on and an umberell up — 
 but good land ! how easy they jest ontackle 
 the doors and windows, with no sounds of 
 ontacklin' and come right in by you. 
 
 First you know there they be right by the 
 side of you, under your umberell, under your 
 veil, under your spectacles, a lookin' right 
 down into your soul, and a hantin' you. 
 
 And then agin, when you expect to be 
 hanted by 'em, lay out to, why, they'll jest 
 stand off somewhere else, and don't come nigh 
 you. Don't want to. Oncertain creeters, 
 thoughts be, and curious, curious where they 
 come from, and how. 
 
 Why, I got to thinkin' about it the other 
 day, and I got lost, some like childern set- 
 tin' on a log over a creek a ridin' ; there they 
 be, and there the log is, but they don't seem 
 to be there, they seem to be a floatin' down the 
 water. 
 
TAtnh'n 1 and Wonderin', 83 
 
 And there I wuz, a settin' in my rockin' 
 chair, and I seemed to be a floatin' down deep 
 water, very deep. A thinkin' and a wonderin'. 
 A thinkin' how all through the ages what 
 secrets God had told to man when the time 
 had come, and the reverent soul below was 
 ready to hear the low words whispered to his 
 soul, and a wonderin' what strange revelation 
 God held now, ready to reveal when the soul 
 below had fitted itself to hear, and compre- 
 hend it. 
 
 Ah ! such mysteries as He will reveal to us 
 if we will listen. If we wait for God's voice. 
 If we did not heed so much the confusing 
 clamor of the world's voices about us. Emu- 
 lation, envy, anger, strife, jealousy; if we 
 turned our heads away from these discords, 
 and in the silence which is God's temple, 
 listened, listened, — who knows the secrets He 
 would make known to us ? 
 
 Secrets of the day, secrets of the night, the 
 
 sunshine, the lightning, the storm. The 
 
 white glow of that wonderful light that is not 
 
 like the glow of the sun or of the moon, but 
 
 6 
 
84 Glowing Secrets. 
 
 yet lighteth the world. That stra&gft light 
 that has a soul — that reads our thoughts, 
 translates our wishes, overleaps distance, car- 
 rying our whispered words after holding our 
 thoughts for ages, and then unfoldin' 'em at 
 will. What other wondrous mysteries lie con- 
 cealed, wrapped around by that soft pure 
 flame, mysteries that shall lie hidden until 
 some inspired eye shall be waiting, looking 
 upward at the moment when God's hand shall 
 draw back the shining veil for an instant, and 
 let him read the glowing secret. 
 
 Secrets of language! shall some simple 
 power, some symbol be revealed, and the na- 
 tions speak together ? 
 
 Secrets of song! shall some serene, har- 
 monious soul catch the note to celestial 
 melodies ? 
 
 Secrets of sight ! shall the eyes too dim now, 
 see the faces of the silent throngs that sur- 
 round them, " the great cloud of witnesses "? 
 
 Secrets of the green pathways that lead up 
 through the blue silent fields of space. — shall 
 we float from star to star? 
 
The Listening Soul. 85 
 
 Secrets of holiness ! shall earthly faces wear 
 the pure light of the immortals ? 
 
 But oh ! who shall be the happy soul that 
 shall be listening when the time has fully 
 come and He shall reveal His great secret ? 
 The happy soul listening so intently that it 
 shall catch the low clear whisper. 
 
 listening, maybe, through the sweet twi- 
 light shadows for the wonderful secret, while 
 the silver shallop of the moon is becalmed 
 over the high northern mountains, as if a fleet 
 of heavenly guests had floated down through 
 the clear ocean waves of the sky to listen too, 
 — to hear the wonderful heavenly secret re- 
 vealed to man, — and a clear star looks out 
 over the glowing rose of the western heavens, 
 looking down like God's eye, searching his 
 soul, searching if it be worthy of the great 
 trust. 
 
 Maybe it will be in the fresh dawning of the 
 day, that the great secret will grow bright and 
 clear and luminous, as the dawning of th« 
 light. 
 
 Maybe it will be in the midst of the storm 
 
86 Floating. 
 
 «— a mighty voice borne along by the breath of 
 the wind and the thunder, clamoring and de« 
 manding the hearer to listen. 
 
 Oh ! if we were only good enough, only 
 pure enough, what might not our rapt vision 
 discern ? But we know not where or when the 
 time shall be fully come, but who, who, shall 
 be the happy soul that shall, at the time, be 
 listening ? 
 
 Oh ! how deep, how strange the waters wuz, 
 and how I floated away on 'em, and how I 
 didn't., For there I wuz a settin' in my own 
 rockm' chair and there opposite me sot my 
 own Josiah, a whittlin', for the World hadn't 
 come, and he wuz restless and ill at ease, and 
 time 'hung heavy on his hands. 
 
 There I sot the same Samantha — and the 
 thought of the Smedleys, the same old Smed- 
 leys, was a hantin' of me, the same old hant, 
 and I says to my Josiah, says I : " Josiah, I 
 can't help thinkin' about the Smedleys," says 
 I. " What do you think about havin' a pound 
 party for 'em, and will you take holt, and do 
 your part," 
 
Josiak Surprised. 
 
 «7 
 
 " Good land, Samantha ! Are you crazy ? 
 Crazy as a loon ? What under the sun do you 
 want to pound the Smedleys for? I should 
 think they had trouble enough without 
 poundin' 'em. Why," says he, "the old 
 
 *^^Po>JiTti- 
 
 "Good land, Samantha I Are you crazy ?" 
 
 woman couldn't stand any poundin' at all, 
 without killin' her right out and out, and the 
 childern haint over tough any of 'em. Why, 
 what has got into you? I never knew you to 
 propose anything of that wicked kind before. 
 
88 77ie Clever Creeter. 
 
 I sha'n't have anything to do with it. If you 
 want 'em pounded you must get your own club 
 and do your own pqundin'." 
 
 Says I, " I don't mean poundin' 'em with a 
 club, but let folks buy a pound of different 
 things to eat and drink and carry to 'em, and 
 we can try and raise a little money to get a 
 warmer house for 'em to stay in the coldest, 
 of the weather." 
 
 " Oh !" says he, with a relieved look. 
 " That's a different thing. I am willin' to do 
 that. I don't know about givin' 'em any 
 money towards gettin' 'em a home, but I'll 
 carry 'em a pound of crackers or a pound of 
 flour, and help it along all I can." 
 
 Josiah is a clever creeter (though close), and 
 he never made no more objections towards 
 havin' it. 
 
 Wall, the next day I put on my shawl and 
 hood (a new brown hood knit out of zephyr 
 worsted, very nice, a present from our daugh- 
 ter Maggie, our son Thomas Jefferson's wife), 
 and sallied out to see what the neighbors 
 thought about it 
 
The Poverty of Riches* 89 
 
 The first woman I called on wuz Miss 
 Beazely, a new neighbor who had just moved 
 into the neighborhood. They are rich as they 
 can be, and I expected at least to get a pound 
 of tea out of her. 
 
 She said it wuz a worthy object, and she 
 would love to help it along, but they had so 
 many expenses of their own to grapple with, 
 that she didn't see her way clear to promise to 
 do anything. She said the girls had got to 
 have some new velvet suits, and some sealskin 
 sacques this winter, and they had got to new 
 furnish the parlors, and send their oldest boy 
 to college, and the girls wanted to have some 
 diamond lockets, and ought to have 'em, but 
 she didn't know whether they could manage 
 to get them or not, if they did, they had got 
 to scrimp along every way they could. And 
 then they wuz goin' to have company from a 
 distance, and had got to get another girl to 
 wait on 'em. And though she wished the 
 poor well, she felt that she could not dare to 
 promise a cent to 'em. She wished the Smed- 
 iey family well — dretful well — and hoped I 
 
go At Miss Hess'es. 
 
 would get lots of things for 'em. But she di<5a*t 
 really feel as if it would be safe for hel to 
 promise 'em a pound of anything, though 
 mebbe she might, by a great effort, raise a 
 pound of flour for 'em, or meal. 
 
 Says I dryly (dry as meal ever wuz in its 
 dry est times), "I wouldn't give too much. 
 Though," says I, ' ' a pound of flour would go 
 a good ways if it is used right." And I thought 
 to myself that she had better keep it to moke 
 a paste to smooth over things. 
 
 Wall, I went from that to Miss Jacob Hess'«2s, 
 and Miss Jacob Hess wouldn't give anything 
 because the old lady was disagreeable, old 
 Grandma Smedley, and I said to Miss Jacob 
 Hess that if the Lord didn't send His rain, and 
 dew onto anybody only the perfectly agree 
 able, I guessed there would be pretty dry 
 times. It wuz my opinion there would be con* 
 siderable of a drouth. 
 
 There wuz a woman there a visitin' Miss 
 Hess— she wuz a stranger to me and I didn't 
 ask her for anything, but she spoke up of het 
 own accord and said she would give, and give 
 
At Ebin Garven'ses. 91 
 
 liberal, only she wuz hampered. She didn't 
 say why, or who, or when, but she only sez 
 this, that " she wuz hampered," . and I don't 
 know to this day what her hamper wuz, or 
 who hampered her. 
 
 And then I went to Ebin Garven'ses, and 
 Miss Ebin Garven wouldn't help any because 
 she said "Joe Smedley had been right down 
 lazy, and she couldn't call him anything 
 else." 
 
 But, says I, "Joe is dead, and why should 
 his children starve because tbeir pa wasn't 
 over and above smart when he wuz alive?" 
 But she wouldn't give. 
 
 Wall, Miss Whymper said she didn't ap- 
 prove of the manner of giving. Her face wuz 
 all drawed down into a curious sort of a long 
 expression that she called religus and I called 
 somethin' that begins with "h-y-p-b" — and I 
 don't mean hypoey, either. 
 
 No, she couldn't give, she said, because she 
 always made a practice of not lettin' her right 
 hand know what her left hand give. 
 
 And I said, for I wuz kinder took aback, 
 
93 Secret Givin 1 . 
 
 and didn't think, I said to her, a glancm' at 
 her hands which wuz crossed in front of her, 
 that I didn't see how she. managed it, unless 
 she give when her right hand was asleep. 
 
 And she said, she always gave secret. 
 
 And I said, " So I have always s'posed— 
 very secret." 
 
 I s'pose my tone was some sarcastic, for she 
 says, " Don't the Scripter command us to do 
 so?" . 
 
 Says I firmly, " I don't believe the Scripter 
 means to have us stand round talkin' Bible, and 
 let the Smedleys starve," says I. " I s'pose 
 it means not to boast of our good deeds." 
 
 Says she, " I believe in takin' the Scripter 
 literal, and if I can't git my stuff" there en- 
 tirely unbeknown to my right hand I sha'n't 
 give." 
 
 " Wall," says I, gettin' up and movin' to- 
 wards the door, "you must do as you're a 
 mind to with fear and tremblin'." 
 
 I said it pretty impressive, for I thought I 
 would let her see I could quote Scripter as well 
 *? she could, if I sot out. 
 
At Miss Bombus^es. 
 
 93 
 
 But good land ! I knew it wuz a excuse. I 
 knew she wouldn't give nothin', not if het 
 right hand had the num palsy, and you could 
 stick a pin into it — no, she wouldn't give, 
 not if her right hand was cut off and throwed 
 away. 
 
 Wall, Miss 
 Bombus, old 
 Dr. Bombus' 
 es widow, 
 wouldn't give 
 — and for all 
 the world — I 
 went right 
 there from 
 Miss Whym- 
 per'ses. Miss 
 Bombus 
 
 wouldn't give because I didn't put the names 
 in the Jonesville Augur or Gimlet, for she 
 said, " Let your good deeds so shine." 
 
 " Why," says I, " Miss Whymper wouldn't 
 give because she wanted to give secreter, and 
 you won't give because you want to give 
 
 " You must do as you're a mind to with feu 
 and tremblin'." 
 
94 Quoting Scripture. 
 
 publicker, and you both quote Scripter, but 
 it don't seem to help the Smedleys much." 
 
 She said "that probably Miss Whymper 
 was wrestin' the Scripter to her own destruc- 
 tion." 
 
 "Wall," says I, "while you and Miss 
 Whymper are a wrestin' the Scripter, what 
 will become of the Smedleys ? It don't seem 
 right to let them freeze to death, and starve to 
 death, while we are a debatin' on the ways of 
 Providence." 
 
 But she didn't tell, and she wouldn't 
 give. 
 
 A woman wuz there a visitin', Miss Bom- 
 bus'es aunt, I think, and she spoke up and 
 said she fully approved of her niece Bom" 
 bus'es decision. And she said, " As for her- 
 self, she never give to any subject that she 
 hadn't thoroughly canvassed." 
 
 Says I, " There they all are in that little 
 hut, you can canvass them at any time. 
 Though," says I thoughtfully, " Marvilla 
 might give you some trouble." And she asked 
 why. 
 
Bad use of Bibles. 95 
 
 And I told her she had the rickets so she 
 couldn't stand still to be canvassed, but she 
 could probably 'bllow her up and canvass her, 
 if she tried hard enough. And says I, "There 
 is old Grandma Sniedley, over eighty, and five 
 children under eight, you can canvass them 
 easy." 
 
 Says she, "The Bible says, 'Search the 
 Sperits.' " 
 
 And I was so wore out a seein' how place after 
 place, for three times a runnin', the Bible wuz 
 lifted up and held as a shield before stingy 
 creeters, to ward off the criticism of the world 
 and their own souls, that I says to myself — 
 loud enough so they could hear me, mebbe, 
 " Why is it that when anybody wants to do a 
 mean, ungenerous act, they will try to quote 
 a verse of Scripter to uphold 'em, jest as a wolf 
 will pull a lock of pure white wool over his 
 wolfish foietop, and try to look innocent and 
 sheepish." 
 
 I don't "are if they did hear me, I wuz on 
 the step iW/Stly when I thought it, pretty 
 loud. 
 
96 Miss Petingitt. 
 
 Wall, from Miss Bombus'es I went to Misa 
 Petingill's. 
 
 Miss Petingill is a awful high-headed 
 creeter. She come to the door herself and she 
 said, I must excuse her for answerin' the dooi 
 herself. (I never heard the door say anything 
 and don't believe she did, it wuz jest one of 
 her ways.) But she said I must excuse her as 
 her girl wuz busy at the time. 
 
 She never mistrusted that I knew her hired 
 girl had left, and she wuz doin' her work her- 
 self. She had ketched off her apron I knew, 
 as she come through the hall, for I see it a 
 layin' behind the door, all covered with flour. 
 And after she had took me into the parlor, 
 and we had set down, she discovered some 
 spots of flour on her dress, and she said she 
 " had been pastin' some flowers into a scrap 
 book to pass away the time." But I knew 
 she had been bakin', for she looked tired, tired 
 to death almost, and it wuz her bakin' day. 
 But she would sooner have had her head took 
 right off than to own up that she had been 
 doin' housework — why, they say that once 
 
The Petingills and Bibbinses. 97 
 
 when she wuz doin' her work herself, and wui 
 ketched lookin' awful, by a strange minister, 
 that she passed herself off for a hired girl 
 and said, " Miss Petingill wasn't to home," 
 and when pressed hard she said she hadn't 
 " the least idee where Miss Petingill wuz." 
 
 Jest think on 't once — and there she wuz 
 herself. The idee ! 
 
 Wall, the minute I sot down before I begun 
 my business, or anything,. Miss Petingill took 
 me to do about puttin' in Miss Bibbins Presi- 
 dent of our Missionary Society for the Relief 
 of Indignent Heathens. 
 
 The Bibbins'es are good, very good, but poor. 
 
 Says Miss Petingill : " It seems to me as if 
 there might be some other woman put in, 
 that would have had more influence on the 
 Church." 
 
 Says I, " Hain't Miss Bibbins a good Chris- 
 tian sister, and a great worker ?" 
 
 " Why yes, she wuz good, good in her place. 
 But," she said, "the Petingills hadn't never 
 associated with the Bibbins'es." 
 
 And I asked her if she s'pose'd that would 
 
98 Jonesville's First Circles. 
 
 make any difference with the heathen ; if the 
 heathen would be apt to think less of Miss 
 Bibbins because she hadn't associated with 
 the Petingills ? 
 
 And she said, she didn't s'pose " the heathens 
 would ever know it ; it might make some dif- 
 ference to 'em if they did," she thought, " for 
 it couldn't be denied," she said, " that Miss 
 Bibbins did not move in the first circles of 
 Jones ville." 
 
 \t had been my doin's a puttin' Miss Bib- 
 bins in, and I took it right to home, she 
 meant to have me, and I asked her if she 
 thought the Lord would condemn Miss Bib- 
 bins on the last day, because she hadn't 
 moved in the first circles of Jonesville ? 
 
 And Miss Petingill tosted her head a little, 
 but had to own up, that she thought " He 
 wouldn't." 
 
 "Wall then," sez I, "do you s'pose the 
 Lord has any objections to her workin.' for 
 Him now?" 
 
 " Why no, I don't know as the Lord would 
 object." 
 
She passed herself off for a hired girl and Bsid, "M:ks Petiogttl 
 wasn't to borne." 
 
 99 
 
Pride wus so Wicked. 101 
 
 "Wall,* s»ays I, "we call this work the 
 Lord's work, and if He is satisfied with Miss 
 Bibbins, we ort to be." 
 
 But she kinder nestled round, and I see she 
 wuzn't satisfied, b^t I couldn't stop to argue, 
 and I tackled her then and there about the 
 Smedleys. I asked her to give a pound, or 
 pounds, as she felt disposed. 
 
 But she answered me firmly that she 
 couldn't give one cent to the Smedleys, she 
 wuz principled against it. 
 
 And I asked her, " Why ?" 
 
 And she said, because the old lady was 
 proud and wanted a home, and she thought 
 that pride wuz so wicked, that it ort to be put 
 down. 
 
 Wall, Miss Huff, Miss Cephas Huff, 
 wouldn't give anything because one of the 
 little Smedleys had lied to her. She wouldn't 
 encourage lyin'. 
 
 And I told her I didn't believe she would be 
 half so apt to reform him on an empty 
 stomach, as after he wuz fed up. But she 
 wouldn't yield., 
 
102 Gabriel Boycotted. 
 
 Wall, Miss Daggett said she would give, 
 and give abundant, only she didn't consider it 
 a worthy object. 
 
 But it wuzn't nothin' only a excuse, for 
 the object has never been found yet that 
 she thought wuz a worthy one. Why, she 
 wouldn't give a cent towards paintin' the 
 Methodist steeple, and if that haint a high 
 and worthy object, I don't know what is. 
 Why, our steeple is over seventy feet from the 
 ground. But she wouldn't help us a mite — 
 not a single cent. 
 
 Take such folks as them, and the object 
 never suits 'em. They won't come right out 
 and tell the truth, fchat they are too stingy and 
 mean to give away a cent, but they will always 
 put the excuse onto the object — the object don't 
 suit 'em. 
 
 Why I do believe it is the livin' truth ihat 
 if the angel Gabriel vraa the object, if he wuz 
 in need and we wuz gittin' up a pound party 
 for him — she would find fault with Gabriel, 
 and wouldn't give him a ounce of proyjh 
 sions. 
 
Miss Mooney's Ideas. 103 
 
 Yes, I believe it — I believe they would tost 
 their heads and say, they always had had theii 
 thoughts about anybody that tooted so loud— ' 
 it might be all right, but it didn't look well, 
 and would be apt to make talk, Or they 
 would say that he wuz shiftless aud extrava. 
 gant a loafin' round in the clouds, when he 
 mighv go to work — or that he might ra?se the 
 money himself by sellin' the feathers offen 
 his wings for down pillers — or some of the 
 rest of the Gabriel family might help him — m 
 something, or other — anyway they would pro- 
 pose some way of gittin' out of givin' a cent 
 to Gabriel. I believe it as much as I believe 
 I live and breathe ; and so does Josiah. 
 
 Wall, Miss Mooney wouldn't give anything 
 because she thought Jane Smedley wuzn't so 
 sick as she thought she wuz ; she said " she 
 wuz spleeny." 
 
 And I told Miss Mooney that when a 
 woman was sick enough to die, I thought sfee 
 ort to be called sick. 
 
 But Miss Mooney wouldn't give up, and in- 
 sisted to the very last that Miss Smedley wua 
 
io4 Clean Discouraged. 
 
 hypoey and spleeny— and thought she wuz 
 sicker than she really wuz. And she held her 
 head and her nose up in a very disagreeable 
 and haughty way, and said as I left, that she 
 never could bear to help spleeny people. 
 
 Wall, all that forenoon did I traipse through 
 the street and not one cent did I get for the 
 Smedleys, only Miss Gowdey said she would 
 bring a cabbage — and Miss Deacon Peedick 
 and Miss Ingledue partly promised a squash 
 apiece. And I mistrusted that they give 'em 
 more to please me than anything else. 
 
 Wall, I wuz clean discouraged and beat 
 out, and so I told Josiah. But he encouraged 
 me some by sayin' : 
 
 " Wall, I could have told you jest how it 
 would be," and, " You would have done better, 
 Samantha, to have been to home a cookin' for 
 your own famishin' family." And several 
 more jest such inspirin' remarks as men will 
 give to the females of their families when they 
 are engaged in charitable enterprises. 
 
 But I got a good, a very good dinner, and 
 it. made me feel some better, and then I 
 
Splendid Success. 105 
 
 haint one to give up to discouragements, any- 
 way. 
 
 So I put on a little better dress for after- 
 noon, and my best bonnet and shawl, and set 
 sail again after dinner. 
 
 And if I ever bad a lesson in not givin' up 
 to discouragements in tbe first place, I had it 
 then. For whether it wuz on account of the 
 more dressy look of my bonnet and shawl — or 
 whether it wuz that folks felt cleverer in the 
 afternoon — or whether it wuz that I had gone 
 to the more discouragin' places in the forenoon, 
 and the better ones in the afternoon — or 
 whether it wuz that I tackled on the subject 
 in a better way than I had tackled 'em — 
 whether it wuz for any of these reasons, or all 
 of 'em, or somethin' — anyway, my luck turned 
 at noon, 12 M., and all that afternoon I had 
 one triumph after another — place after place 
 did I collect pound or pounds as the case may 
 be (or collected the promises of 'em, I mean). 
 I did splendid, and wuz prospered perfectly 
 ainazin' — and I went home feelin' as happy 
 and proud as a king or a zar. 
 
106 Ready for the Party. 
 
 And the next Tuesday evenin' we had the 
 pound party. They concluded to have it to 
 our house. And Thomas Jefferson and Mag- 
 gie, and Tirzah Ann and Whitefield came 
 home early in the afternoon to help trim the 
 parlor and settin' room with evergreens and 
 everlastin' posies, and fern leaves. 
 
 They made the room look perfectly beauti- 
 ful. And they each of 'em, the two childern 
 and their companions, brought home a motto 
 framed in nice plush and gilt frames, which 
 they put up on each side of the settin' room, 
 and left them there as a - present to their pa 
 and me. They think a sight of us, the chil- 
 dern do — and visey versey, and the same. 
 
 One of 'em wuz worked in gold letters on a 
 red back-ground — " Bear Ye One Another's 
 Burdens." And the other wuz " Feed my 
 Lambs." 
 
 They think a sight on us, the childern do 
 — they knew them mottoes would highly 
 tickle their pa and me. And they did seem 
 to kinder invigorate up all the folks that come 
 to the party. 
 
The Pound Party. 109 
 
 And they wuz seemingly legions. Why, 
 they come, and they kept a comin'. And it 
 did seem as if every one of 'em had tried to 
 see who could bring the most. Why, they 
 brought enough to keep the Smedleys com- 
 fortable all winter long. It wuz a sight to see 
 'em. 
 
 It wuz a curious sight, too, to set and watch 
 what some of the folks said and done as they 
 brought their pounds in. 
 
 I had to be to the table all the time a'most 
 for I wuz appointed a committee, or a board — 
 I s'pose it would be more proper to call myself 
 a board, more business like. Wall, I wuz the 
 board appointed to lay the things on — to see 
 that they wuz all took care of, and put where 
 they couldn't get eat up, or any other casuality 
 happen to 'em. 
 
 And I declare if some of the queerest lookin' 
 creeters didn't come up to the table and talk to 
 me. There wuz lots of 'em there that I didn't 
 know, folks that come from Zoar, Jim Smed- 
 ley's old neighborhood. 
 
 There wuz a long table stretched acrost one 
 
no Queer Visitors. 
 
 end of the settin' room, and I stood behind it 
 some as if I wuz a dry goods merchant or gro* 
 eery, and some like a preacher. 
 
 And the women would come up to me and 
 talk. There wuz one woman who got real 
 talkative to me before the evenin' wuz out. 
 She said her home wuz over two miles beyond 
 Zoar. 
 
 She had a young babe with her, a dark com- 
 plexioned babe, with a little round black head, 
 that looked some like a cannon ball. She said 
 she had shingled the child that day about 8 
 o'clock in the forenoon ; she talked real confi- 
 dential to me. 
 
 She said the babe had sights of hair, and 
 she told her husband that day that if he would 
 shingle the babe she would come to the party 
 and if he wouldn't shingle it she wouldn't 
 come. It seemed they had had a altercation 
 on the subject, she wanted it shingled and he 
 didn't. But it seemed that ruther than stay 
 away from the party — he consented, and 
 shingled it. So they come. 
 
 They brought a eight pound loaf of maple 
 
Generous Gifts. in 
 
 sugar and two dozen eggs. They did well. 
 Then there wuz another woman who would 
 walk her little girl into the bedroom -every few 
 minutes, and wet her hair, and comb it over, 
 and curl it on her fingers. The child had a 
 little blue flannel dress on, with a long plain 
 waist, and a long skirt gethered on full all 
 round. Her hair lay jest as smooth and slick 
 as glass all the time, but five times did she 
 walk her off, and go through with that per- 
 formance. She brought ten yards of factory 
 cloth, and a good woolen petticoat for the old 
 grandma. She did first-rate. 
 
 And then there wuz another woman who 
 stayed by the table most all the evenin'. She 
 would gently but firmly ask everybody who 
 brought anything, what the price of the article 
 wuz — and then she would tackle the different 
 women who cbme up to the table for patterns. 
 I do believe she got the pattern of every bask 
 waist there wuz there, and every mantilly. 
 
 And Abram Gee, brought twenty-five loaves 
 of bread — of different sizes, but all on 'em 
 good. And he looked at Ardelia Tutt every 
 
Xi2 A Splendid Good Time. 
 
 minute of the time. And Ardelia brought a 
 lot of verses, — " Stanzas on a Grandmother.* 
 I didn't think they .would do Grandma Smed- 
 ley much good, and then on the other hand I 
 didn't s'pose they would hurt her any. 
 
 But we had a splendid good time after the 
 things wuz all brought in — of course bein' a 
 board the fore part of the evenin' I naturally 
 had a harder time than I did the latter part, 
 after I had got over it. 
 
 The childern, Thomas J., and Tirzah Ann, 
 and Ardelia Tutt, and Abram Gee, and some 
 of the rest of the young folks sung and played 
 some beautiful pieces, and they had four tab- 
 lows, which wuz perfectly beautiful. 
 
 And then we passed good nice light biscuit 
 and butter, and hot coffee, and pop corn, and 
 apples. And it did seem, and all the neigh- 
 bors said so, that it wuz the very best party 
 they had ever attended to. 
 
 And before they went away ' they made a 
 motion some of the responsable men did — some 
 made the motions and some seconded 'em — 
 that they would adjourn till jest one year from 
 
Off to the Smedley's. 
 
 "3 
 
 that night, when if the Smedleys was still 
 alive and in need: — we would have jest such a 
 party ag'in. 
 
 And at the last on't Elder Minkley made a 
 prayer — a very thank- 
 ful and good prayer, but 
 short. And then they 
 went home. 
 
 Wall, the next morn- 
 in' we started to carry 
 . the things to the Smed- 
 leys. It wuz very early, 
 for Josiah had got to 
 go clear to L,oontown 
 on business, and I wuz 
 goin' to stay with the 
 childern till he got 
 back. 
 
 It wuz a very cold 
 mornin'. We hadn't 
 heard from the Smed- 
 leys for two or three 
 days, because we wanted to surprise 'em, so we 
 didn't want to give 'em a hint beforehand oi 
 
 At the last on't Elder Minkley 
 made a Prayer. 
 
114 ^ Sorry Sight. 
 
 what we wuz a doin'. So, as I say, it wuz a 
 number of days sense we had heard from 'em, 
 and the weather wuz cold. 
 
 When we got to the door it seemed to be 
 dretful still there inside. And there wuz 
 some white frost on the latch jest as if a icy, 
 white hand had onlatched the door, and had 
 laid on it last. 
 
 We rapped, but nobody answered. And then 
 we opened the door and went in, and there they, 
 all lay asleep. The childern waked up. But 
 old Grandma didn't. 
 
 There wuzn't any €re in the room, and you 
 could see by the freezing coldness of the air 
 that there hadn't been any for a day or two. 
 
 Grandma Smedley had took the poor old 
 coverin's all off from herself, and put 'em 
 round the youngest baby, little Jim. And he 
 lay there all huddled up tight to his Grandma, 
 .with his red cheek close to her white one, for 
 he loved her. 
 
 Josiah cried and wept, and wept and cried 
 onto his bandana — but' I didn't. 
 
 The tears run down my face some, to see 
 
Grandma Smedley's Release. 117 
 
 the childern feel so bad when Grandma couldn't 
 speak to 'em. 
 
 Btit I knew that the childern would be tools 
 care of now, I knew the Jonesvillians would be 
 all rousted up and sorry enough for 'em, and 
 would be willin' to do anything now, when it 
 wuz some too late. 
 
 And I felt that I couldn't cry nor weep (and 
 told Josiah so), the tears jest dripped down my 
 face in a stream, but I wouldn't weep — for as I 
 said to myself: 
 
 " While the Jonesvillians had been a dis- 
 putin' back and forth, and wrestin' Scripter, 
 and the meanin' of Providence in regard to 
 helpin' Grandma Smedley and gittin' her a 
 comfortable place to stay in, and somethin' to 
 eat, the L,ord Himself, had took the case in 
 hand, and had gin her a home, and the bread 
 that satisfies." 
 
IV. 
 
 ARDELIA AND ABRAM GEB.J 
 
 ALL I don't s'pose there had 
 been a teacher in our dee- 
 strict for years and years 
 that gin better satisfaction 
 than Ardelia Tutt. Good soft little creeter, 
 the scholars any one of 'em felt above hurtin* 
 on her or plagin' her any way. She sort a 
 made 'em feel they had to take care on her, 
 she wmz so sort a helpless actin', and good 
 118 
 
Falling in Love. 119 
 
 natured, and yet her learnin' wuz good, fust- 
 rate. 
 
 Yes, Ardelia wuz thought a sight on in 
 Jonesville by scholars and parents and some 
 that wuzn't parents. One young chap in per- 
 ticiler, Abram Gee by name, who had just 
 started a baker's shop in Jonesville, he fell so 
 deep in love with her from the very start that 
 I pitied him from about the bottom of my 
 heart. It wuz at our house that he fell. 
 
 The young folks of our meetin '-house had 
 a sort of a evenin' meetin' there to see about 
 raisin' some money for the help of the steeple 
 — repairin' of it. Abram is a member, and 
 so is Ardelia, and I see the hull thing. . I see 
 him totter and I see him fall. And prostrate 
 he wuz, from that first night. Never was 
 there a feller that fell in love deeper, or lay 
 more helpless. And Ardelia liked him, that 
 wuz plain to see; at fust as I watched and see 
 him totter, I thought she wuz a sort o' wob- 
 blin' too, and when he fell deep, deep in love, 
 I looked to see her a follerin' on. But Ardelia, 
 as soft as she wuz, had an element of strength. 
 
120 
 
 ArdelicCs Hope. 
 
 She wuz ambitious. She liked Abram, but 
 she had read uovels a good deal, and she had 
 for years been lookin' for a Prince to come 
 a ridin' up to their door-yard in disguise with 
 
 the had been lookin' for a Prince to come a ridin' up with a crown 
 on under his hat, and woo her to be his bride. 
 
 a crown on under his hat, and woo her to be 
 his bride. 
 
 And so she braced herself aginst the sweet 
 influence of love and it wuz tuff — I could see 
 
Abrani's Prospects. 121 
 
 for myself that it wuz, when she had laid out 
 to set on a throne by the side of a Prince, he 
 a holdin' his father's scepter in his hand — to 
 descend from that elevation and wed a hus- 
 band who wuz a, moulder of bread, with a 
 rollin' pin in his hand. It wuz tuff for Ar- 
 delia; I could see right through her mind (it 
 wuzn't a great distance to see), and I could 
 see jest how a conflict wuz a goin' on between 
 love and ambition. 
 
 But Abram had my best wishes, for he wuz 
 a boy I had always liked. The Gees had 
 lived neighbor to us for years. He wuz a 
 good creeter and his bread wuz delicious (milk 
 emptin's). He wuz a sort of a hard, sound 
 lookin' chap, and she, bein' so oncommon 
 soft, the contrast kinder sot each other off and 
 made 'em look well together. 
 
 He had a house and lot all paid for, with no 
 incumbrances only a mortgage of 150 dollars 
 and a lame mother. But he laid out to clear 
 off the mortgage this year and I wuz told that 
 mother Gee -v^uz a goin' to live with her 
 daughter Susan, who had jest come into a big 
 
i a* . Love Reciprocated. 
 
 property — as much as 700 dollars worth of 
 land, besides cows, 2 heads of cow, and one 
 head of a calf. 
 
 I knew Mother Gee and she wuz goin' to 
 stay with Abram till he got married and then 
 she wuz goin'. to live with Susan. And I 
 s'pose it is so. She is a likely old woman with 
 a milk leg. 
 
 Wall, Abram paid Ardelia lots of attention, 
 sech as walkin' home with her from protracted 
 meetin's nights, and lookin' at her durin' the 
 meetin's more protracted than the meetin's 
 wuz, fur. And 3 times he sent her a plate of 
 riz biscuit sweetened, sweetened too sweet 
 almost, he went too fur in this and I see it. 
 
 Yes, he done his part as well as his condi- 
 tion would let him, paralyzed by his feelin's, 
 — but she acted kinder offish, and I see that 
 sunthin wuz in the way. I mistrusted at first, 
 it might be Abram's incumbrance, but durin' 
 a conversation I had with her, I see I wuz in 
 the wrong on't. And I could see plain, though 
 some couldn't, that she liked ,Abram as she 
 did her eyes. Somebody run him down a 
 
Fighting Shy. 123 
 
 little one day before me and she sprouted 
 right up and took his part voyalent. I could 
 Bee her feelin's towards him though she 
 wouldn't own up to 'em. But one day she 
 came out plain to me and lamented his condi- 
 tion in life. Somebody had attact her that 
 day before me about marryin' of him — and 
 she owned up to me, that she had laid out to 
 marry somebody to elevate her. Some one 
 with a grand pure mission in life. 
 
 And I spoke right up and sez, " Why bread 
 is jest as pure and innocent as anything can 
 be, you won't find anything wicked about good 
 yeast bread, nor," sez I, cordially, " in milk 
 risin', if it is made proper." 
 
 But she said she preferred a occupation that 
 wuz risin', and noble, and that made a man 
 necessary and helpful to the masses. 
 
 And I sez agin — " Good land ! the masses 
 have got to eat. And I guess you starve the 
 masses a spell and they'll think that good 
 bread is as necessary and helpful to 'em as 
 anything can be. And as fer its bein' a risin' 
 occupation, why," sez I, " it is stiddy risin',— 
 
124 Abram Depressed. 
 
 risin' in the mornin', and risin' at night, and 
 all night, both hop and milk emptin's. Why," 
 sez I, " I never see a occupation so risin' as 
 his'n is, both milk and hop." But she 
 wouldn't seem to give in and encourage him 
 much only by spells. 
 
 And then Abram didn't take the right way 
 with her. I see he wuz a goin' just the wrong 
 way to win a woman's love. For his love, his 
 great honest love for her made him abject, he 
 groveled at her feet, loved to' grovel. 
 
 I told him, for he confided in me from the 
 first on't and bewailed her coldness to me, I 
 told him to sprout up and act as if he had some 
 will of his own and some independent life of 
 his own. Sez I, "Any woman that sees a 
 man a layin' around under her feet will be 
 tempted to step on him," sez I. " I don't see 
 how she can help it, if she calcerlates to get 
 round any, and walk." Sez I, "Sprout up 
 and be somebody. She is a good little creeter, 
 but no better than you are, Abram ; be a man." 
 
 And he would try to be. I could see him 
 try. But one of her soft little glances, 
 
sjg^^g g M i tltA 
 
 " Be a man, Abram be a man." 
 
 "5 
 
Abram's Humility. 127 
 
 specially if it wuz kind aiid tender to him, eg 
 it wuz a good deal of the time, why it would 
 just overthrow him agin. He would collapse 
 tnd become nothin' ag'in, before her. Why I 
 
 They loved to sing together. 
 
 have hearn him sing that old him, a lookin' 
 right at Ardelia stiddy : 
 
 " Oh to be nothin', nothin* I" 
 
 And thinks I to myself, " if this keeps an, 
 you are in a fair way to git your wish." 
 
£28 Singing Together. 
 
 He wuz a good singer, a beartone, and she 
 a secent. They loved to sing together. They 
 needed some air, but then they got along 
 without it ; and ft sounded quite well, though 
 rather low and deep. 
 
 Wall, it run along for weeks and weeks, he 
 with his hopes a risin' up sometimes like his 
 yeast and then bein' pounded down ag'in like 
 his bread, under the hard, knuckles of a 
 woman's capricious cruelty. For I must say 
 that she did, for sech a soft little creeter, have 
 cold and cruel ways to Abram. (But I s'pose 
 it wuz when she got to thinkin' about the 
 Prince, or some other genteel lover.) 
 
 But her real feelin's would break out once 
 in a while, and lift him up to the 3d heaven 
 of happiness and then he'd have to totter and 
 fall down ag'in. Abram Gee had a hard time 
 on't. I pitied him from nearly the bottom of 
 my heart. But I still kep' a thinkin' it would 
 turn out well in the end. For it wuz jest about 
 this time that I happened to find this poetry in 
 a book where she had, I s'posed, left it. And I 
 read 'em, almost entirely unbeknown to inysel£ 
 
ArdelicCs Effusions. 129 
 
 It wuz wrote in a dretful blind way but I 
 recognized it at once. I looked right through 
 it, and see what she wuz a writin' about 
 though many wouldn't ; it wuz wrote in sech 
 a deep style. 
 
 "STANZAS ON BREAD 
 
 or 
 
 "a iay of a broken heart. 
 
 " Oh Bread, dear Bread, that seemest to us so cold, 
 Oft'times concealed thee within, may be a sting 1 
 
 Sweet buried hopes may in thy crust be rolled 
 A sad, burnt crust of deepest suffering. 
 
 "There are some griefs the female soul don't tell, 
 And she may weep, and she may wretched be ; 
 
 Though she may like the name of Abram well 
 And she may not like dislike the name of G— . 
 
 " Oh Pel Ambition, how thou lurest us on, 
 How by thy high, bold torch we're stridin' led ; 
 
 Thou lurest us up, cold mountain top upon, 
 And seated by us there, thou scoffest at bread. 
 
 " Thou lookest down, Ambition, on the ovens brim ; 
 Thou brookest not a word of him save with contuse 
 alee; 
 
130 More Poems, 
 
 A.nd >€t, wert thou afar, how sweet to set by hia 
 And cut low slices of sweet joy with G — . 
 
 " Oh ! Fel Ambition, wert but thou away, 
 Could we thy hauntin' form no more, nor see ; 
 
 How sweet 'twould be to linger on with A , 
 
 How sweet 'twould be to dwell for aye with G— .** 
 
 Wall, as I say, she gin good satisfaction in 
 the deestrict and I declare for it, I got to likin' 
 her dretful well before the winter wuz over. 
 Softer she wuz, and had to be, than any fuzz 
 that wuz ever on any cotton ' flannel fur 01 
 near. And more verses she wrote than wuz 
 good for her, or for anybody else. — Why she 
 would write " Lines on the Tongs," or " Stan- 
 zas on the Salt Suller," if she couldn't do 
 any better ; it beats all ! And then she would 
 read 'em to me to get my idees on 'em. Why 
 I had to call on every martyr in the hull 
 string of martyrs sometimes to keep myself 
 from tellin' her my full mind about 'em unbe- 
 known to me. For, if I 'had, it would have 
 skairt the soft little creeter out of what little 
 vit she had. 
 
Josiah and the Girls. 131 
 
 So I kep' middlin' still, and see it go on. 
 For she wuz a good little soul, affectionate 
 and kinder helpful. A good creeter now to 
 find your speks. Why she found 'em for me 
 times out of number, and I got real attached 
 to her and visey versey. And when she came 
 a visitin' me in the spring (at my request), 
 and I happened to mention that Josiah and 
 me laid out to go to Saratoga for the summer, 
 what did the soft little creeter want to do but 
 to go too. Her father was well off and wuz 
 able to send her, and she had relatives there 
 on her own side, some of the Pixleys, so her 
 board wouldn't cost nothin'. So it didn't 
 look nothin' onreasonable, though whether I 
 could get her there and back without her 
 tnashin' all down on my hands, like a over 
 ripe peach, she wuz that soft, wuz a question 
 that ha'nted me, and so I told Josiah. 
 
 But Josiah kinder likes young girls (nothin* 
 light; a ealm meetin'-house affection), it is 
 kinder nater that he should, and he sez: 
 " Better let her go, she won't make much 
 trouble." 
 9 
 
132 Ardelids Helpfulness. 
 
 " No," sez I, " not to you, but if you had to 
 set for hours and hours and hear her verses 
 read to you on every subject — on heaven, and 
 earth, and the seas, and see her a measurin' of 
 it with a stick to get the lines the right length; 
 if you had to go through all this, mebby you 
 would meditate on the subject before you took 
 it for a summer's job." 
 
 " Wall," sez he, " mebby she won't write so 
 much when she gets started ; she will be kin- 
 der jogged round and stirred up in body and 
 mebby her feelin's will kinder rest. I shouldn't 
 wonder a mite if they did," sez he. "And then 
 she can take a good many steps for you, and 
 F love to see you favored," sez he. 
 
 He wanted her to go, I see that, and I see 
 that it wuz nater that he should, and so I 
 consented in my mind 1 — after a parlay. 
 
 She found his specks a sight and his hat. 
 Nothin' seemed to please her better than to be 
 gropin' round after things to please. somebody ; 
 her disposition wuz such. So it wuz settled 
 that she should accompany and go with us. — ■ 
 A.nd the mornin' we started she met us at the 
 
Starting for Saratoga. 
 
 133 
 
 Jbnesville Depot in good sperits and a barege 
 delaine dress, cream color, and a hat of the 
 same. 
 
 I hadn't seen her for some weeks, and sha 
 
 The mornin' we started she met us at the Jonesville Depot. 
 
 seemed softly tickled to see Josiah and me, 
 and .asked a good many questions about Jones* 
 ville, kinder turnin' the conversation gradually 
 round onto bread, as I could see. So X 
 
134 ArdeluCs Sighs. 
 
 branched right out, knowin' what she wanted 
 of me, and told her plain, that " Abram Gee 
 wuz a lookin' kinder mauger. But doin' his 
 duty stiddy" sez I, lookin' keenly at her, 
 "a doin' his duty by everybody, and beloved by 
 everybody, him and his bread too." 
 
 She turned her head away and kinder sithed, 
 and I guess it wuz as much as a quarter of a 
 hour after that, that I see her take out a pen- 
 cil and a piece of paper out of her portmonny, 
 and a little stick, and she went to makin' 
 some verses, a measurin' 'em careful as she 
 wrote 'em, and when she handed 'em to me 
 they wuz named 
 
 «'A I,AY ON A CAR; 
 "or 
 
 "THE lesson op a LOCOMOTIVB, 
 
 " Oh cars that bearest us on ; oh cars that run ; 
 If backward thou didst go, we should not near " 
 The place we started for at break of sun ; 
 The place we love, with love devout, sincerei 
 
Rhyme and Rhythm. 135 
 
 " Oh! snortin' Engine, didst thou not so snort 
 Thou wouldst not start, and lo! we see — 
 Our sorrows' hidden griefs, they do not come for noff 
 They start the locomotive, I,ife, with screechin' agony 
 
 " Oh passengers that wail, and dread the screech, 
 Wail not; but lift eyes o'er the chimney top 
 As they bend o'er the Locomotive; beach 
 Thy hopes on fairer shores, a sweeter crop." 
 
 After I had read it and handed it back to 
 her, she sez : ' ' Don't you think I improve on 
 the melody and rhythm of my poetry ? I take 
 this little stick with me now wherever I go, 
 and measure my lines by it. They are jest of 
 a length, I am very particular ; you know you 
 advised me to be." 
 
 "Yes," sez I mechanikly, "but I didn't 
 mean jest that." Sez I, " the poetry I wuz 
 a thinkin' on, is measured by the soul, the en- 
 raptured throb of heart and brain; it don't 
 need takin' a stick to it. Howsumever," sez 
 I, for I see she looked sort a disapinted, "howr 
 sumever, if you have measured 'em, they are 
 probable about the same length ; it is a good 
 
136 
 
 Bad Weather for Poetry. 
 
 sound stick, I haint no doubt," and I kinder 
 
 sithed. 
 
 And she sez, "What do you think of the 
 
 first verse ? Haint that verse as true as fate, 
 
 or sadness, or anything else you know of?" 
 
 "Oh yes," sez I 
 candidly, " yes ; if 
 the cars run back- 
 wards we shouldn't 
 go on ; that is true 
 as anything can be. 
 But if I wuz in your 
 place, Ardelia," sez 
 I, " I wouldn't write 
 any more to-day. 
 It is a kind of mug- 
 gy, damp day. It is 
 a awfully bad day 
 for poetry to-day. 
 
 A.nd," sez I, to get her mind ofifen it, " Have 
 
 you seen anything of my companion's 
 
 specks ?" 
 
 And that took her mind offen poetry and 
 
 she went a huntin' for 'em, on the. seat and 
 
 Poetry on the Train. 
 
The Specks Found. 
 
 137 
 
 under the seat. She hunted truly high and 
 low and at last she found 'em on my pardner's 
 foretop, the last place any of us thought of 
 lookin'. And she never said another word about 
 poetry, or any other trouble, nor I nuther. 
 
 stfr 
 
V. 
 
 WE ARRIVE AT SARATOGA. 
 
 > B arrived at Saratoga 
 jest as sunset with a 
 middlin' gorgeous 
 dress on wuz a walk- 
 in' down the west and 
 a biddin' us and the 
 earth good-bye. There wuz every color you 
 could think on almost, in her gown, and some 
 stars 3. shinin' through the floatin' drapery 
 and a half moon restin' up on her cloudy 
 foretop like a beautiful orniment. 
 
 (I s'pose mebby it is proper to describe sun* 
 set in this way on *goin' to such a dressy place, 
 though it haint my style to do so, I don't love 
 138 
 
At Saratoga. 139 
 
 to describe sunset as a female and don't, much 
 of the time, but I love to see things corre- 
 spond.) 
 
 Wall, we descended from the cars and went 
 to the boardin' place provided for us before- 
 hand -by the look out of friends. It wuz a 
 good place, there haint no doubt of that, good 
 folks ; good fare and clean. 
 
 Ardelia parted away from us at the depo. 
 She wuz a goin' to board to a smaller boardin' 
 house kep' by a second cousin of her father's 
 brother's wife's aunt. It wuz her father's re- 
 quest that she should get her board there on 
 account of its bein' in the family. He loved 
 " to see relations hang together ;" so he said, 
 and " get their boards of each other." But I 
 thought then, and I think now, that it wuz 
 because they asked less for the board. Deacon 
 Tutt is close. But howsumever. Ardelia went 
 there, and my companion and me arrove 
 at the abode where we wuz to abide, with 
 no eppisode only the triflin' one of the driver 
 bein' dretful mistook as to the price he asked 
 to take us there. 
 
140 Dispute with the Hackman. 
 
 I thought and Josiah thought that 50 cents 
 wuz the outlay of expendatur he required to 
 carry us where we would be ; it wuz but a 
 short distance. But no ! He said that 5 dol- 
 lars wuz what he said, that is, if we heard any- 
 thing about a 5. But he thought we wuz deef, 
 and dident hear him. He thought he spoke 
 plain, and said 4 dollars for the trip. 
 
 And on that price he sot down immovible. 
 They argued, and Josiah Allen even went so 
 far as to use language that grated on my 
 nerve, it wuz so voyalent and vergin' on the 
 profane. But there the. man sot, right onto 
 that price, and he had to me the appeerance 
 of one who Wuz goin' to sot there on it all 
 night. And so rather than to spend the night 
 outdoors, in conversation with him, he a settin' 
 on that price, and Josiah a shakin' his fist at 
 it, and a jawin'. at it, I told Josiah that he had' 
 better pay it. And finally he did, with groan- 
 in's that could hardly be uttered. 
 
 Wall, after supper, (a good supper and 
 enough on't,) Josiah proposed that we should 
 take a short walk, we two alone, for Ardelia 
 
An Evening Ramble. 143 
 
 wuz afar from us, most to the other end of the 
 village, either asleep or a writin' poetry, I 
 didn't know which, but I knew it wuz one or 
 the other of 'em. And I wuz. tired enough my- 
 self to lay my head down and repose iu the 
 arms of sleep, and told my companion so, but 
 he said : 
 
 " Oh shaw ! Let old Morpheus wait for us 
 till we get back, there'll be time enough to rest 
 then." 
 
 Josiah felt so neat, that he wuz fairly begin- 
 nin' to talk high learnt, and classical. But I 
 didn't say nothin' to break it up, and tied on 
 my bonnet with calmness (and a double bow 
 knot) and we sallied out. 
 
 Soon, or mebby a little after, for we didn't 
 walk fast on account of my deep tucker, we 
 stood in front of what seemed to be one hull 
 side of a long street, all full of orniments and 
 open work, and pillows, and flowers, and carv- 
 in's, and scollops, and down between every 
 scollop hung a big basket full of posys, of 
 every beautiful color under the heavens. And 
 over all, and way back as fur as we could see, 
 
144 Beuler Land. 
 
 wuz innumerable lights of every color, gor« 
 geousness a shinin' down on gorgeousness, 
 glory above, a shinin' down on glory below. 
 And sweet strains of music wuz a floatin' out 
 from somewhere, a shinin' somewhere, ren- 
 derin' the seen fur more beautiful to all 4 of 
 our wraptured ears. 
 
 And Josiah sez, as we stood there nearly 
 rooted to the place by our motions, and a picket 
 fence, sez he dreamily, 
 
 " I almost feel as if we had made a mistake, 
 and that this is the land of Beuler." And he 
 murmured to himself some words of the old 
 him : 
 
 " Oh Beuler land ! Sweet Beuler land ! " 
 
 And I whispered back to him and sez — 
 " Hush ! *they don't have brass bands in Beu- 
 !ah landl" 
 
 And he sez, " How do you know what they 
 have in Beuler ?" 
 
 " Wall," sez I, " 'tain't likely they do." 
 
 But I don't know as I felt like blamin' him, 
 for it did seem to me to be the most beautiful 
 
Gorgeousness. 145 
 
 place that I ever sot my eyes on. And it did 
 seem fairly as if them long glitterin' chains 
 and links of colored -lights, a stretchin' fur 
 back into the distance sort a begoned for us to 
 enter into a land of perfect beauty and Pure 
 Delight. 
 
 And then them glitterin' chains of light 
 would jine onto other golden, and crimson, and 
 orange, and pink, and blue, and amber links of 
 glory and hang there all drippin' with radiance, 
 and way back as fur as we could see. And 
 away down under the shinin' lanes the white 
 statues stood, beautiful snow-white females, 
 a lookin' as if they enjoyed it all. And the 
 lake mirrowed back all of the beauty. 
 
 Right out onto the lake stood a fairy-like 
 structure all glowin' with big drops of light 
 and every glitterin' drop reflected down in the 
 water and the fountain a sprayin' up on each 
 side. Why it sprayed up floods of diamonds, 
 and rubys, and sapphires, and topazzes, and 
 turkeys, and pearls, and opals, and sparklin' 
 'em right back into the water agin. 
 
 And right while we stood there, neerly 
 
146 A Charming Soloist. 
 
 i'ooted to the spot and gazin' through extacy 
 and 2 pickets, the band gin a loud burst of 
 melody and then stopped, and after a minute 
 of silence, we hearn a voice angel-sweet a 
 risin' up, up, like a lark, a tender-hearted, 
 golden-throated lark. 
 
 High, high above .all the throngs of human 
 folks who wuz cheerin' her down below — up 
 above the sea of glitterin' light — up above 
 the bendin' trees that clasped their hands to- 
 gether in silent applaodin' above her, up, up 
 into the clear heavens, rose that glorious 
 voice a singin' some song about love, love 
 that wuz deathless, eternal. 
 
 Why it seemed as if the very clouds wuz 
 full of shadowy faces a bendin' down to hear 
 it, and the new moon, shaped just like a boat, 
 had glided down, down the sky to listen.. 
 
 If the man of the moon wuz there he wua 
 a layin' in the bottom of the boat, he wuzn't 
 in sight. But if he heard that music I'll bet he 
 would say he wuzn't in the practice of hearin' 
 any better. And Josiah stood stun still till she 
 had got done, and then he sort a sithed out : 
 
// must be Beuler. 
 
 H7 
 
 " Oh, it seems as if it 
 must be Beuler land! 
 Do you s'pose, Saman- 
 tha, Beuler land is any 
 more beautiful ?" 
 
 And I sez, " I haint a 
 thinkin' about Beulah." 
 I sez it pretty -middlin' 
 
 tart, partly to hide 
 my own feelin's, 
 which wuz perfect- 
 ly rousted up, and 
 partly from prin- 
 ciple, and sez I, 
 " Don't for mercy's 
 sake call it Beuler." 
 Josiah always 
 will call it So. I've 
 got a 4th cousin, 
 10 
 
 IB 
 
 ^<KK!^» 
 
 'It must be Beuler land." 
 
148 Amid the Crowas. 
 
 Beulah Smith (my own age and unmarried 
 up to date), and lie always did and would call 
 her Beuler. Truly in some things a pardner's 
 influence and encouragement fails toaccom- 
 plish the ends aimed at. 
 
 Wall, it wuz after some words that I drew 
 Josiah away from that seen of enchantment — 
 or he me, I don't exactly know which way it 
 wuz — and we wended onwards in our walk. 
 
 The hull broad streets wuz full of folks, 
 full as they could be, all on 'em peifect 
 strangers to us and who knew what motives 
 or weapons they wuz a carryin' with 'em ; but 
 we knew we wuz safe, Josiah and me did, for 
 way up over all our heads, stood a big straight 
 soldier, a volunteer, volunteerin' to see to the 
 hull crew on 'em below, a seein' that they be- 
 haved themselves. His age wuz seventy-seven 
 as near as I could make out, but he didn't 
 look mbre'n half that. He had kep' his age 
 remarkable. 
 
 Wall, it wuz, if I remember right, jest about 
 now that we see a gliUerin' high up over our 
 heads some writin' in name. I never see such 
 
m~ 
 
 iiP'Mf If mt I 1HPP3 
 
 ^?/;'5Sfei* ■ ■ ... ... v.'t?^ 
 
 flB®© , " » l raff 
 
 i'.-ri ,. ..r, . .1. . . . .' . . 
 
 WfWi ;|| 'iiffilil 
 
 NMfePwilta 
 
 duel Jitfn«S» llSifl ' - -*^(%il| l1 .' ' r 
 
 ill I«K*^^^lf f 
 
 EPW 
 
 1 
 HI 
 
 II 
 
 '-I frnfiMr' 
 
 Wllmu I I 111' Jlllwiw 
 
 il 
 
 Way up over all our heads stood a big straight soldier voluate&rin M 
 so* to the hull crew of 'sn below, 
 
 149 
 
Letters of Flame. 151 
 
 brilliant writin' before nor don't know as I evet 
 shall ag'in. 
 
 And Josiah stopped stun still, and stood a 
 lookin' perfectly dumbfoundered at it. And 
 finally he sez, " I'd give a dollar bill if I could 
 write like that." 
 
 I see he wuz deeply rousted up for 2 cents 
 is as high as he usually goes in bettin'. I see 
 ha felt deep and I didn't blame him. " Why," 
 sez he, "jest imagine, Samantha, a hull letter 
 wrote like that! how I'd love to send one back 
 to Uncle Nate Gowdey. How Uncle Nate's 
 eyes would open, and he wouldn't want no 
 spectacles nor nothin' to read it with, would 
 he ? I wonder if I could do it," sez he, a begin- 
 nin' to be all rousted up. 
 
 But I sez, " Be calm ;" for so deep is my 
 mind that I grasped the difficulties of the un- 
 dertakin' at once. " How could you send it, 
 Josiah Allen ? Where would you get a en- 
 velop ? How could you get it into the mail 
 bag?" Sez I, " When any body would send a 
 letter wrote like that, they would want to 
 write it on sheets of lightnin', and fold it up in 
 
152 Writing on the Sky. 
 
 the envelopin' clouds of the skies, and it should 
 be received by a kneelin' and reverent soul. 
 Who is Uncle Nate that he should get it ? He 
 has not a reverent soul and he has also rheu- 
 matiz in his legs." 
 
 And then I thought, so quick and active is 
 my mind when it gets to startin' off on a 
 tower, I thought of what I had hearn a few 
 days before, of how the secret had been learnt 
 by somebody who lived right there in the vil- 
 lage, of floatin' letters up at sea from one ship 
 to another, signalin' out in letters of flame — 
 "Help! I'm a sinkin' !" or, "Danger ahead! 
 Look out !" 
 
 And I thought what it must be to stand on 
 a dusky night on a lone deck and see up on 
 the broad, dark, lonesome sky above, a sudden 
 message, a flash of vivid Hghtnrh', takin' to 
 itself the form of language. And I wondered 
 to myself if in the future we should use the 
 great pages of the night-sky to write messages 
 from one city to another, or from sea to land, 
 of danger and warnin' ; and then I thought to 
 myself, if souls clog-bound to earth are able to 
 
Busy Thoughts. 153 
 
 accomplish so much, who knows but the freed 
 soul goin' outward and onward from height to 
 height of wisdom may yet be able to signal 
 down from the Safe Land messages, of help 
 and warnin' to the souls it loved below. The 
 6ouls a sailin' and a driftin' through the dark 
 night of despair — a dashin' along through fog 
 and mist and darkness aginst rocks. What it 
 would be to one kneelin' in the lonesome night 
 watches by a grave, if the dark sky could grow 
 luminous and he could read, — " Do not de- 
 spair ! I am alive ! I love you !" 
 
 Or, in the hour of the blackest temptation 
 and dread, when the earth is hollow and the 
 sky a black vault, and the only way of happi- 
 ness on God's earth seems down the danger- 
 ous, beautiful way, God-forbidden, what would 
 it be to have the empty vault lit up with, 
 '' Danger ahead ! We will help you ! be patient 
 a little longer!" 
 
 Oh how fur my thoughts wuz a trav- 
 ellin', and at what a good jog, but not one 
 trace did my companion see on my forwerd of 
 these thoughts that wuz a passin' through my 
 
154 Following the Light. 
 
 foretop ; and, at that very minute, we came up 
 nigh enough to see that right back of the 
 glitterin' language overhead, went a long line 
 of big glowin' stars of glory way up over our 
 heads, and leadiu' down a gentle declivity^- 
 and Josiah sez, " Le's foller on, and see what 
 it will lead us to, Samantha." 
 
 " Wall," sez I, " light is pretty generally 
 safe to foller, Josiah Allen." And so we 
 meandered along, keepin' our 2 heads as nigh 
 as we could under that long glitterin- chain 
 of golden drops that wuz high overhead. And 
 on, and on, we follered it dilligently ; till for 
 the land's sake ! if it didn't lead us to another 
 one of them openwork building fixed off beau- 
 tiful, and we could see inside 2 big wells like, 
 with acres of floor seemin'ly on each side on 
 'em, and crowds of folks a walkin' about and 
 settin' at little tables and most all of 'em a 
 drinkin'. 
 
 The water they drinked we could see wuz a 
 bubblin' up and a runnin' over all the time, 
 in big round crystal globes. And up, up on 
 a slender pole way up over one of the wells 
 
Tired Out. 155 
 
 hung another one of them crystal bowls, a 
 bubblin' over with the water and sparklin'. 
 
 And ag'in Josiah asked me if I thought 
 Beuler land could compare with it ? 
 
 And I told him ag'in kinder sharp, That I 
 wuzn't a thinkin' about Beuler, I didn't know 
 any sech a place or name. I wish he would 
 call things right. 
 
 Wall, we wuz so dead tired by this time, 
 that we sot sail homewards ; that is, my feet 
 wuz Hred, and my boneg, but my mind seeded 
 tnor* rousted up than common. 
 
VI. 
 
 SARATOGA BY DAYLIGHT. 
 
 J ALL, the next mornin' Josiah 
 and me sallied out middlin' 
 early to explore still further the beauties and 
 grandness of Saratoga. I had on a black 
 straw bonnet, a green vail, and a umberell. 
 I also have my black alpacky, that good moral 
 dress. 
 
 My dress bein' such a high mission one 
 choked me. . It wuz so high in the neck it 
 156 
 
Suffering for Principle. 157 
 
 held my chin up in a most uncomfortable po- 
 sition, but sort a grand and lofty lookin'. My 
 sleeves wuz so long that more'n half the time 
 my hand wuz covered up by 'em and I wuz 
 too honerable to wear 'em for mits ; no, in the 
 name of principle I wore 'em for sleeves, good 
 long sleeves, a pattern to other grandmas that 
 I might meet. 
 
 I felt that when they see me and see what 
 I wuz a doin' and endurin' for the cause of 
 female dressin' they would pause in their wild 
 career, and cover up their necks and pull their 
 sleeves down. 
 
 Wall, it haint to be expected that I could 
 walk along carryin' such hefty emotions as I 
 wuz a carryin', and havin' my neck held high 
 and stiddy both by principle and alpacky, and 
 see to every step I wuz a takin'. And, first I 
 knew, right while I wuz enjoy in' the loftiest 
 of these emotions, I ketched my foot in sun* 
 thin', and most fell down. Instinctively (such 
 is the power of love) I put out my hand and 
 clutched at the arm of my pardner. But he too 
 wuz nearly fallin' at the same time. It wuz a 
 
158 " Them Dumb Sidewalks. * 
 
 narrow chance that we wuz a runnin' from 
 having our prostrate forms a layin' there 
 outstretched on the highway. 
 
 Instinctively I sez, " Good land !" and Jo*siah 
 sez — wall, it is fur from me to tell what 
 he said, but it ended up with these words, 
 "Dumb them dumb sidewalks anyway;" and 
 sez he, " I should think it would pay to have 
 a little less gilt paint and spangles and 
 orniments overhead and a few more solid 
 bricks unless they want more funerals here, 
 dumb 'em !" 
 
 Sez I, "Be calm ! who be you a talkin' 
 about ? who do you want to bring down your 
 fearful curses on, Josiah Allen ?" 
 
 " Why, onto the dumb bricks," sez he. 
 
 He wuz agitated and I said no more. But 
 four times in that first walk, did I descend 
 almost percipitously into declivities amongst 
 the bricks, risin' simultaneously on similar 
 elevations. 
 
 It wuz a fearful ordeel and I felt it so, but 
 upheld by principle and Josiah, I moved on- 
 wards, through what seemed to be 5 great 
 
A Parasol Show. 159 
 
 throngs and masses of people, 3 on the ground 
 and 2 histed up above us on tall pillows. 
 
 Them immense places overhead long as the 
 streets, wuz kinder scalloped out and trimmed 
 off handsum with railin's, etc. And on it — oh ! 
 what a vast congregation of heads of all sorts 
 and sizes and colors. And oh ! what a im- 
 mense display of parasols ; why no parasol 
 store in the land could begin with what I see 
 there. » 
 
 I can truly say that I thought I knew sun- 
 thin' about parasols, havin' owned 3 different 
 ones in the course of my life, and havin' one 
 covered over. I thought I knew suntbin' of 
 their nater and habits, which is a good deal, 
 so I had always s'posed, like a umberell's. 
 But good land ! I gin up that I knew them not, 
 nor never had. 
 
 Why anybody could learn more on 'em 
 through one jerney down that street, tban 
 from a hull lifetime in Jonesville. Truly 
 travel is very upliftin' and openin' and 
 spreadin' out to the mind, both in parasols 
 and human nater. 
 
ifio Struggliri Masses. 
 
 Wall, them 2 masses over our heads wuz 2, 
 then the one in which we wuz a strugglin,' 
 and the one opposite to it made 4. For any- 
 body with any pretence to learnin' knows that 
 twice 2 is 4. And then in the middle of the 
 broad street wuz a bigger mass of chariots and 
 horsemen, and carts and carriages, and great 
 buggies and little ones, and big loads' of bar- 
 rels, and big loads of ladies, and then a load ®£ 
 wood' and then a load of hay, and then a pair 
 of young folks pretty as a picture. And then 
 came some high big coaches as big as our 
 spare bed room, and as high as the roof on our 
 horse barn, with six horses hitched to 'em, all 
 runnin' over on top with men, and wimmen, 
 and children, and parasols, and giggles, and 
 ha ha's. And a man wuz up behind a sound- 
 in' out on a trumpet, a dretful sort of a high, 
 sweet note, not dwindlin' down to the end as 
 some music duz, but kinder crinklin' round 
 and endin' up in the air every time. 
 ' Josiah wuz dretful took with it and he told 
 me in confidence that he laid out when he got 
 home to buy a trumpet and blow out jest them 
 
Strange Displays. 161 
 
 strains every time lie went into Jonesville 01 
 out of it. He said it would sound so sort a 
 warlike and impressive. 
 
 I expostulated aginst the idee. But sea 
 he, " You'll enjoy it when you get used 
 to it." 
 
 "Never!" sez I. 
 
 " Yes you will," sez he, " and while I live, 
 I lay out that you shall have advantages, and 
 shall enjoy things new and uneek." 
 
 " Yes," sez I feelin'ly, " I expect to, Josiah 
 Allen, as long as I live with you." And I 
 sithed. But I had little time to enjoy even 
 sithin', for oh ! the crowd that wuz a pressin' 
 onto us and surroundin' us on every side, some 
 on 'em curius and strange lookin', some on 'em 
 beautiful and grand. Pretty young girls 
 lookin' sweet enough to kiss, and right behind 
 'em a Chinese man with a long dress, and 
 wooden shoes, and his hair in a long braid be-, 
 hind, and his eyes sot in sideways. And then 
 would come on a hull lot of wimmen in dresses 
 ev'ry color of the rainbow, and some men. 
 Then a few childern, lookin' sweet as roses, 
 
162 
 
 Black Ma's. 
 
 with their mothers a pushin' the little carts 
 ahead on 'em. And if yon'll believe it, I don't 
 s'pose you will, but it is true, that lots of black 
 ma's had childern jest as white as snow, and 
 pretty as rosebuds, took after their fathers I 
 
 Lots of black ma's had childern jest as white as snow. 
 
 rf'pose. But I don't believe in a mixin' of the 
 races. And when I see 'em a kissin' the 
 pretty babys, I begun to muse a very little on 
 the feelin's of the indignent South, at havin' 
 a colered girl set in the same car with 'em, o« 
 on a bench in the same school room. 
 
Samantha Mewses. 163 
 
 I tnewsed on how they held the white forms 
 ilost to their black breasts at birth, and in the 
 hour of death — the black lips pressed to the 
 white cheeks and lips, in both cases. And all 
 the way between life and death they mingle 
 clost as they can, some in some cases like the 
 hill of knowledge. Then the contact is too 
 clost, when they sot out to climb up by 'em. 
 Truly there are deep conundrums and strange 
 ones, all along through life ; though the white 
 man may be, and is, cleer up out of his way, 
 on the sunshiny brow of the hill, and the 
 black man at the foot, way down amongst the 
 shadows and darkness of the low grounds.' 
 They don't come very nigh each other. But 
 the arms that have felt the clasp and the lips 
 that have felt the kisses of that very same 
 black climber all through life, moves 'em and 
 shouts 'em to " go down," to " go back." "The 
 contact is getting too clost, danger is ahead." 
 Curious, haint it ? Jest as if any danger is so 
 dangerous as ignorance and brutality. Cu- 
 rious, haint it ? But I am a eppisodin', and to 
 resoom. 
 II 
 
164 Mixed Multitudes. 
 
 Wall, right after the babies we'd meet a 
 Catholic priest with a calm and fur away look 
 on his face, a lookin' at the crowd as if he wuz 
 , in it, but not of it. And then a burgler, mebby, 
 anyway a. mean lookin' creeter, ragged and 
 humble. And then 2 or 3 men foreign lookin', 
 jabberin' in a tongue I know nothin' of, nor 
 Josiah either. And then some more childern, 
 and wimmen, and dogs, and parasols, and 
 men, and babies, and Injuns, and French- 
 men, and old young wimmen, and young old 
 ones, and handsome ones, and hombly ones, 
 and parasols, and some sweet young girls 
 ag'in, and some black men, and some white 
 men, and some more wimmen, and parasols, 
 and silk, and velvet, and lace, and puckers, and 
 ruffles, and gethers, and gores, and flowers, 
 and feathers, and fringes, and frizzles, and 
 then some men, some Southerners from the 
 South, some Westerners from the West, some 
 Easterners from the Bast, and some Cubebs 
 from Cuba, and some Chinamen from China. 
 
 Oh ! what a seen ! What a seen ! back and 
 forth, passin' and repassin', to and fro, parasols, 
 
Scattered Minds. 165 
 
 and dogs, and wimmen, and men, and babies, 
 and parasols, to and fro, to and fro. Why, if I 
 stood there long so crazed would I bave become 
 at the seen, that I should have felt that Josiah 
 wuz a To and I wuz a Fro, or I wuz a parasol 
 and he wuz a dog. 
 
 And to prevent that fearful catastrophe, I 
 sez, " If we ever get beyond this side of the 
 village that seems all run together, if we ever 
 do get beyond it, which seems doubtful, le's go 
 and set down, in some quiet spot, and try to 
 collect our scattered minds." Sez I, " I feel 
 curius, Josiah Allen !" and sez I, " How do 
 you feel ?" 
 
 His answer I will not translate ; it wuz 
 neither Biblical, nor even moral. And I sez 
 agin, " Haint it strange that they have the 
 village all run together with no streets turnin' 
 off of it." Sez I, " It makes me feel queer, 
 Josiah Allen, and I am a goin' to enquire into 
 it. So we wended our way some further on 
 amongst the dense crowd I have spoke of, only 
 more crowded and more denser, and anon, if 
 not oftener, Josiah 's head would be scooped in 
 
i66 
 
 Josiah Scooped In. 
 
 by passin' parasols, and then in low, deep 
 tones, Josiah would use words that I wouldn't 
 repeat for a dollar bill, till at last I asked a 
 bystander a standin' by, and sez I, " Is this 
 
 Anon, if not oftener, Josiah's head would be scooped in by 
 passin' parasols. 
 
 village all built together— don't you have no 
 streets a turnin' off of it ?" 
 
 " Yes," sez he, " you'll find a street jest as 
 soon as you get by this hotel." 
 
 I stopped right in my tracts ; I wuz dumb- 
 foundered. Sez I, "Do you mean to say that 
 this hull side of the street that we have been 
 
Still Pressing On. i6j 
 
 a traversin' anon, or long before anon, — do 
 you say that this is all one buildin' ?" 
 
 " Yes mom," sez he. 
 
 Sez I, in faint axents, " When shall we get 
 to the end on it ?" 
 
 Sez he, " You have come jest about half 
 way." 
 
 Josiah gin a deep groan and turned him 
 round in his tracts, and sez " lye's go back this 
 minute." 
 
 I too thought of the quiet haven from whence 
 we had set out, with a deep longin', but sech 
 is the force and strength of my mind that I 
 grasped holt of the situation and held it there 
 tight. If we wuz half way acrost it wouldn't 
 be no further to go on than it would to go 
 back. Such wuz my intellect that I see it to 
 once, but Josiah's mind couldn't grasp it, and 
 with words murmured in my ears which I will 
 never repeat to a livin' soul he wended on by 
 my side through the same old crowd — parasols, 
 and wimmen, and dogs, and babies, and men, 
 and parasols, and Injuns, andSpannards, and 
 Creoles, and pretty girls, and old wimmen, and 
 
1 68 The Escape. 
 
 puckers, and gethers, and bracelets, and dia- 
 monds, and lace, and parasols. Several times, 
 if not more, wuz Josiah Allen scooped in by a 
 parasol held by a female, and I felt he wuz 
 liable to be tore from me. His weight is but 
 small. 3- times his hat fell off in the operation 
 and wuz reskued with difficulty, and he spoke 
 words I blush to recall as havin' passed my 
 pardner's lips. 
 
 Wall, in the fullness of time, or a little after, 
 for truly I wuz not in a condition to sense 
 things much, we arrove at a street and we 
 gladly turned our 2 frames into it, and wended 
 our way on it, goin' at a pretty good jog. The 
 crowd a growin' less and less and we kep a 
 goin', and kep a goin', till Josiah sez in weary 
 axents : 
 
 " Where be you a goin', Samantha ? Haint 
 you never goin' to stop ? I am fairly tuckered 
 out." 
 
 And I sez in faint axents, " I would fain 
 reach a land where parasols and puckers are 
 not and dogs and diamonds are no more." 
 
 I wuz middlin' incoherent from my agitation. 
 
Beautiful Places. 169 
 
 But I meant well. I wuz truly in hopes I 
 would reach some quiet place where Josiah 
 and me could set down alone. Where I could 
 look in quiet and repose upon that dear bald 
 head, and recooperate my strength. 
 
 We went by beautiful places, grand houses 
 of different colors but every one on 'em good 
 lookin' ones, a settin' back amongst their green 
 trees, with shady, grass-covered yards, and 
 fountains and flower beds in front of 'em, 
 and more grand handsome houses, and more 
 big beautiful yards, green velvet grass and 
 beautiful flowers and fountains, and birds and 
 beauty on every side on us. 
 
 And though I felt and knew that in them 
 big carriages that wuz a passin' 2 and fro all 
 the time, though I felt that parasols and 
 puckers and laces and dogs and diamonds wuz 
 a bein' borne past me all the time, yet sech is 
 the force of my mind that I could withdraw my 
 specks from 'em, and look at the beautiful 
 works of nater (assisted by man) that wuz 
 about me on every hand. 
 
 Finally my long search wuz rewarded, we 
 
170 Nice Creeters. 
 
 came to a big open gateway that seemed to lead 
 into a large, quiet delightful forest. And in 
 that lovely, lonesome place, Josiah and me sot 
 down to recooperate our 2 energies. 
 
 Josiah looked good to me. Men are nice 
 creeters, but you don't want to see too meny 
 ■ of 'em to once, likeways with wimmen. Josiah 
 looked to me at that moment some like a calico 
 dress that you have picked out of a dense 
 quantity of patterns of calico at a store, it looks 
 better to you when you get it away from the 
 rest. Josiah Allen looked good to me. 
 
 But anon, after I had bathed my distracdet 
 eyes (as you may say) in the liniment of my 
 pardner, I began to take in the rare beauty of 
 the seen laid out before ine and we arose and 
 wended our way onwards peaceful and serene, 
 as 2 children led on by their mother. 
 
 Dear Mother Nature! how dost thou .rest 
 and soothe thy destracted childern when too 
 hardly used by the grindin', oppressive hands 
 of fashion and the weerisome elements of a 
 too civilized life. Maybe 'thou art a heathen 
 mother, oneducated and ignorant ?» *U but 
 
Josiafts Wild Commotion. 171 
 
 the wisdom of love, but thy bosom is soft and 
 restful, and thy arms lovin' and tender. And, 
 heathen if thou art, we love thee first and at 
 last. We are glad to slip out of all the vain 
 and gilded supports that have held us weerily 
 up, and lay down our tired heads on thy kindly 
 and unquestionin' bosom and rest. 
 
 As we rose from the soft turf, on which we 
 had been a restin', and meandered on through 
 that beautiful park, (so tenderly had nature 
 used him,) not one trace of the wild commo- 
 tion that had almost rent Josiah Allen's breast, 
 could be seen save one expirin' threeoh of 
 agony. As we started out ag'in, he looked 
 down onto my faithful umberell, that had stid- 
 died me on so many towers of principle, and 
 sez he, in low concentrated axents of skern 
 and bitterness, " If that wuz a dumb parasol, 
 Samantha, I would crush it to the earth and 
 grind it to atoms." 
 
 Truly he could not forget how his bald 
 head had been gethered in like a ripe sheaf, 
 by 7 females, during that very walk, hombly 
 ones too, so it had happened. But I sez nothin' 
 
172 A Startling Sight. 
 
 in reply to this expirin' note of the crysis he 
 had passed through, knowin' this was not the 
 time for silver speech but for golden silence, 
 and so we meandered onwards. 
 
 And it wuz anon that we see in the distance 
 a fair white female a standin' kinder still in 
 the edge of the woods, and Josiah spoke in a 
 seemin'ly careless way, and sez he, " She don't 
 seem to have many clothes on, Samantha." 
 
 Sez I, " Hush, Josiah ! she has probable 
 overslept herself, and come out in a hurry, 
 mebby to look for some herbs or sunthin'. 
 I persoom one of her children .are sick, and 
 she sprung right up out of bed, and come out 
 to get some wether-wort, or catnip, or sunthin'." 
 
 And as I spoke I drawed Josiah down a, side 
 path away from her. But he stopped stun still 
 and sez he, " Mebby I ought to go and help 
 her, Samantha." 
 
 Sez I, "Josiah Allen, sense I lived with you, 
 I don't think I have been shameder of you ;" 
 sez I, " it would mortify her to death if she 
 should mistrust you had seen her in that con- 
 dition." 
 

 ■Bfli J 
 
Only a Statue. 175 
 
 "Wall," sez he, still a hangin' back, "if 
 the child is very sick, and I can be any help 
 to her, it is my duty to go." 
 
 His eye had been on her .nearly every mo- 
 ment of the time, in spite of my almost voya- 
 lent protests, and sez he, kinder excited like, 
 " She is standin' stun still, as if she is skairt ; 
 mebby there is a snake in front of her or sun- 
 thin', or mebby she is took paralysed, I'd bet- 
 ter go and see." 
 
 Sez I, in low deep axents, " You stay where 
 you be, Josiah Allen, and I will go forward, 
 bein' 2 females together, it is what it is 
 right to do and if we need your help I will 
 holler." 
 
 And finally he consented after a parlay. 
 
 Wall, as I got up to her I see she wuzn't 
 a live, meat woman, but a statute and so I 
 hastened back to my Josiah and told him 
 " there wuzn't no need of his help and he wuz 
 in the right on't — she wuz stun still." 
 
 He said he guessed we'd better go that way. 
 And I sez, " No, Josiah, I want to go round by 
 the other road." 
 
176 Ending the Walk. 
 
 Wall, we got back to our abode perfectly 
 tuckered out, but perfectly happy. And we 
 concluded that after dinner we would set out 
 and see the different springs and partake of 
 'em. Had it not been for our almost frenzied 
 haste to get away from parasols and dogs and 
 destraction into a place of rest we should have 
 beheld them sooner. And our afternoon's 
 adventures I will relate in another epistol. 
 
VII. 
 
 SEEING THE DIFFERENT SPRINGS. 
 
 MMEGEATLY after dinner (a good 
 one) Josiah Allen, Ardelia Tutt and 
 me sot out to view and look at the 
 different springs and to partake of the same. 
 We hadn't drinked a drop of it as yet. Ar- 
 delia had come over to go with us. She had on 
 a kind of a yellowish drab dress and a hat 
 made of the same, with some drab and blue 
 bows of ribbon and some pink holly-hawks in 
 it, and she had some mits on (her hands pre- 
 
 177 
 
t 7 8 
 
 Soft as a Cosltn\ 
 
 spired dretfully and she sweat easy). As 1 
 have said, she is a good lookin' girl but soft. 
 And most any dress she puts on kinder falls 
 into the same looks. It may be quite a hard 
 
 lookin* dress 
 lit 4H HP before she 
 
 puts it on, but 
 before she has 
 wore it half 
 a hour it will 
 kinder crease 
 down into the 
 softest lookin' 
 thing you 
 ever see. And 
 so with her 
 bonnets, and 
 
 Josiah Allen, Ardelia Tutt and me sot out to mantlllvS and 
 view the different springs. ' 
 
 everything. 
 The down onto a goslin's breast never 
 looked softer than every rag she had on this 
 very afternoon, and no tender goslin' itself 
 wuz ever softer than she wuz on the inside 
 Dn't. But that didn't hinder my likin' her. 
 
r An Open House. 179 
 
 Wall, anon, or a little before, we came to 
 *Jiat long, long buildin', beautiful and dretful 
 ornimental, but I could see plain by daylight 
 what I had mistrusted before, that it wuzn't 
 built for warmth. It must be dretful cold in 
 the winter, and I don't see how the wimmen 
 folks of the home could stand it, unless they 
 hang up bed quilts and blankets found the 
 side, and then, I should think they would 
 freeze. They couldn't keep their house plants 
 over winter any way — and I see they had 
 sights of 'em — unless they kep' 'em down 
 suller. 
 
 But howsumever, that is none of my look- 
 out. . If they want to be so fashionable, as to 
 try to live out doors and in the house too, 
 that is none of my business. And of course it 
 looked dretful ornimental and pretty. But I 
 will say this, it haint bein' mejum. I should 
 lather live either out doors, or in the house, 
 one of the 2. But I am a eppisodin'. And ta 
 resoom. 
 
 Josiah Allen paid the money demanded of 
 him and we went in and advanced onwards to 
 1Z 
 
180 Water Thoughts. 
 
 where a boy wuz a pullin' up the water and 
 handin' of it round. 
 
 It looked dretful bubblin' and sparklin'. 
 Why sunthin' seemed to be a sparklin' up all 
 the time in the water and I thought to myself 
 mebby it wuz water thoughts, mebby it wanted 
 to tell sunthin', mebby it has all through these 
 years been a tryin' to bubble up and sparkle 
 out in wisdom but haint found any one yet 
 that could understand its liquid language. 
 Who knows now ? 
 
 I took my glass and looked close — sparkle, 
 sparkle, up come the tiny thought-sparks! 
 But I wuzn't wise enough to read the glitterin' 
 language. No, I wuzn't deep enough. It 
 would take a deep mind, mebby thousands of 
 feet deep, to understand the great glowin' 
 secret that it has been a tryin' to reveal and 
 couldn't. Mebby, it has been a tryin' to tell 
 of big diamond mines that it has passed 
 through— great cliffs and crags of gold sot 
 deep with the crystalized dew of diamonds. 
 
 But no, I didn't believe that wuz it. That 
 wouldn't help the world, only to make it hap- 
 
Speculations on the Future. 181 
 
 pier, and these seemed to me to be dretful in- 
 spirin', upliftin' thoughts. No, mebby it is a 
 tryin' to tell a cold world about a way to heat it. 
 Mebby it has been a runnin' over and is spark- 
 lin' with bright thoughts about how deep un- 
 derneath the earth lay a big fire-place, that all 
 the cold beggars of mortality could set round 
 and warm their frozen fingers by, — a tryin' to 
 tell how the heat of that fire that escapes now 
 up the chimbleys of volcanoes, and sometimes 
 in sudden drafts" blows out sideways into earth- 
 quakes, etc., could be utilized by conveyin' it 
 up on top of the ground, and have it carried 
 into the houses like Croton water. Who knows 
 now ? Mebby that is it ! 
 
 Oh ! I felt that it would be a happy hour for 
 Samantha when she could bile her potatoes by 
 the heat of that large noble fire-place. And 
 more than that, far more wuz the thought that 
 heat might become, in the future, as cheap as 
 cold. That the little cold hands that freeze 
 every winter in the big cities, could be 
 stretched out before the big generous warmth 
 of that noble fire-place. And who built that 
 
282 Josiah Imbibes Freely. 
 
 fire in the first place? Who laid the first 
 sticks on the hand-irons, and put the match to 
 it ? Who wuz it that did it, and how did he 
 look, and when wuz he born, and why, and 
 where ? 
 
 These, and many other thoughts of similar 
 size and shape, filled my brane almost full 
 enough to lift up the bunnet, that reposed 
 gracefully on my foretop, as I stood and held 
 the sparklin' glass in my hands. 
 
 Sparkle ! sparkle ! sparkle! what wuz it, it 
 wuz a tryin' to say to me and couldn't ? Good 
 land ! I couldn't tell, and Josiah couldn't, I 
 knew instinctively he couldn't, though I didn't 
 ask him. 
 
 No, I turned and looked at that beloved man, 
 for truly I had for the time bein' been by the 
 side of myself, and I see that he wuz a drinkin' 
 lavishly of the noble water. I see that he was 
 a drinkin' more than wuz for his good, his 
 linement showed it, and sez I, for he wuz a 
 liftin' another tumbler full onto his lips, sez I, 
 " Pause, Josiah Allen, and don't imbibe too 
 much." 
 
I **< that ha was • drinkin' mors than w.u* for his good. I°J 
 
Getting the Monefs Worth. 185 
 
 " Why," lie whispered, " you can drink all 
 you are a mind to for 5 cents. I am bound for 
 once, Samantha Allen, to get the worth of my 
 money." 
 
 And he drinked the tumbler full down at 
 one swoller almost, and turned to the weary 
 boy for another. He looked bad, and eager, 
 and sez I, " How many have you drinked ?" 
 
 Sez he, in a eager, animated whisper, "9." 
 And he whispered in the same axents, " 5 
 times 9 is 45 ; if it had been to a fair, or Fourth 
 of July, or anything, it would have cost me 45 
 cents, and if it had been to a church social — 
 lemme see — 9 times 10 is 90. It would have 
 cost me a dollar bill ! And here I am a havin' 
 it all for 5 cents. Why," sez he, " I never see 
 the beat on't in my life." 
 
 And ag'in he drinked a tumbler full down, 
 and motioned to the frightened boy for another. 
 
 But I took him by the vest and whispered 
 to him, sez I, "Josiah Allen, do you want to 
 die, because you can die cheap ? Why," sez 
 I, " it will kill you to drink so much." 
 
 " But think of the cheapness on't, Samantha ! 
 
186 fosiak's Zeal Quelled. 
 
 The chance I have of gettin' the worth of my 
 money." 
 
 But I whispered back to him in anxus axents 
 and told him, that I guessed if funeral ex- 
 penses wuz added to that 5 cents it wouldn't 
 come so cheap, and sez I, " you wont live 
 through many more glasses, and you'll see 
 you wont. Why," sez I, " you are a drowndin' 
 out your insides." 
 
 He wuz fairly a gettin' white round the 
 mouth, and I finally got him to withdraw, 
 though he looked back longingly at the tum- 
 blers and murmured even after I had got him 
 to the door, that it wuz a dumb pity when any- 
 body got a chance to get the worth of theit 
 money, which wuzn't often, to think they 
 couldn't take advantage on it. 
 
 And I sez back to him in low deep axents, 
 " Ther,e is such a thing as bein' too graspin', 
 Josiah Allen." Sez I, " The children of Israel 
 used to want to lay up more manny than they 
 wanted or needed, and it spilte on their hands." 
 And sez I, " you see if it haint jest so with 
 you ; you have been in too great haste to enrich 
 
JosiaK's Sensations. 
 
 187 
 
 yourself, and you'll be sorry for it, you see if 
 you haint." 
 
 And he was. Though he uttered language I 
 wouldn't wish to repeat, about the children of 
 Israel and about rne for bringin' of 'em up. 
 But that man wuz 
 dethly sick. Why he 
 had drinked 11 tum- 
 blers full, and I trem- 
 ble to think what 
 would have follered 
 on, and ensued, if I 
 hadn't interfered. As 
 it wuz, he wuz con- 
 fined to our abode for 
 the rest of the day. 
 
 But I wouldn't have 
 Josiah Allen blamed 
 more than is due for this little incedent, for il 
 only illustrates a pervailin' trait in men's 
 nater, and sometimes wimmen's — a too great 
 desire to amass sudden riches, and when op 
 portunity offers, burden themselves with use* 
 less and wearysome and oft-times painful gear. 
 
 That man wuz dethly sick. 
 
1 88 The Race for Riches. 
 
 They don't need it but seeing they have a 
 chance to get it cheap, " dog cheap " as the 
 poet observes, why they weight themselves 
 down with it, and then groan under the burden 
 of unnecessary and wearin' wealth. This is a 
 deep subject, deep as the well from which my 
 companion drinked, and nearly drinked him- 
 self into a untimely grave. 
 
 Men heap up more riches than they can en- 
 joy and then groan andrithe under the taxes, 
 the charity given, the envy, the noteriety, the 
 glare, and the glitter, the crowd of fortune- 
 hunters and greedy hangers-on, and the care 
 and anxiety. They orniment the high frtot 
 of their houses with the paint, the gildin', the 
 fashion, and the show of enormus wealth, and 
 while the crowd of fashion-seekers and fortune- 
 hunters pour in and out of the lofty door-way 
 they set out on the back stoop a groanin' and 
 a sithin' at the cares and sleepless anxietes of 
 their big wealth, and then they git up and go 
 down street and try their best to heap up more 
 treasure to groan over. 
 
 And wimmen now, when wuz there ever a 
 
Irresistibleness of Bargains. 
 
 i8g 
 
 woman who could resist a good bargain ? Her 
 upper beauro draws may be a runnin' over 
 
 with laces and rib- 
 bons, but let ber see 
 a gr<sat bargain sold 
 for nothin' almost, 
 and wbere is tbe 
 female woman that 
 can resist addin' to 
 that already too filled 
 up beauro draw. 
 
 A baby, be he a male, or be he a female 
 •child, when he has got a appel in both hands, 
 
 When wuz there ever a woman whv 
 could resist a good bargain? 
 
190 Samantha Unjustly Accused. 
 
 will try to lay holt of another, if you hold it 
 out to him. It is human nater. Josiah must 
 not be considered as one alone in layin' up 
 more riches than he needed. He suffered, 
 and I also, for sech is the devine law of love, 
 that if one member of the family suffers, the 
 other members suffer also, specially when the 
 sufferin' member is impatient and voyalent in 
 his distress, and talks loud and angry at them 
 who truly are not to blame. 
 
 Now I didn't make the springs nor I wuzirt 
 to blame for their bein' discovered is. the first 
 place. But Josiah laid it to me. And though 
 I tried to make him know that it wuz a Injun 
 that discovered 'em first, he wouldn't gin in 
 and seemed to think they wouldn't have been 
 there if it hadn't been for me. 
 
 I hated to hear him go on so. And in the 
 cause of Duty, I brung up Sir William John- 
 son and others. But he lay there on the 
 lounge, and kep' his face turned resolute to- 
 wards the wall, in a dretful oncomfertable po- 
 sition (sech wuz his temper of mind) , and said, 
 he never had heard of them, nor the springs 
 
An Unreasonable Man. 191 
 
 nuther, and shouldn't if it hadn't been for 
 me. 
 
 Why, sez I, " A Injun brought Sir William 
 Johnson here on his back." 
 
 " Wall," sez he, cross as a bear, " that is the 
 way you'll have to take me back, if you go on 
 In this way much longer." 
 
 " In what way, Josiah ?" sez.I. 
 
 " Why a findin' springs and draggin' a man 
 off to 'em, and inakin' him drink." 
 
 " Why, Josiah Allen," sez I; " I told you not 
 to drink — don't you remember ?" 
 
 " No ! I don't remember nuthin', nor don't 
 want to. I want to go to sleep !" sez he, snap- 
 pish as anything, so I went out and let him 
 think if he wanted to, that I made the Springs, 
 and the Minerals, and the Gysers, and the 
 Spoutin' Rock, and everything. Good land I 
 I knew I didn't ; but I had to rest under the 
 unkind insinnuation. Such is some of the trials 
 of pardners. 
 
 But Josiah waked up real clever. And I 
 brung him up some delicate warm toast and 
 some fragrant tea, and his smile on me wuz 
 
192 
 
 Josiak Convalescent. 
 
 dretful good-natured, almost warm. And I 
 forgot all his former petulence and basked in 
 the rays of love and happiness that beamed on 
 me out of the blue sky of my companion's eyes. 
 The clear blue sky, that held 
 two stars, to which my heart 
 turned. 
 
 Such is some of the joys of 
 
 " 1 don't remember nuthin', nor don't want to. I want to go to sleep." 
 
 pardners with which the world don't meddle 
 with, nor can't destroy. 
 
 But to resoom. Ardelia sot down awhile 
 in our room before she went back to her 
 boardin' house. I see she wuz a writin' for 
 
Ardelia at Work. 193 
 
 siie had a long lead pencil in her right hand 
 and occasionally she would lean her forrerd 
 down upon it, in deep thought, and before she 
 went, she slipped the follerin' verses into my 
 hand: 
 
 "STANZAS ON A MINERAL SPRING. 
 
 " Oh ! waters that doth bubble up and spout 
 Oh, didst thou bubble down insted of up, 
 Thou couldest not with all thy minerals get out 
 We could not then arise and drink thee in a cup. 
 
 "Oh! human waves that float and seeth and tear 
 Oh wiltest thou not too a learn to bubble up 
 Instead of down, a lesson deep to bear, 
 Oh Soul, can here be learned, one smooth, or rough. 
 
 " A lesson deep of powerful min-er-als 
 That act with power the constitution on,* 
 , And still that softly bubbles up, and tells 
 To souls unborn, how sweetly they have ron. 
 
 . " Oh water that doth mount on slender tip, 
 And spoutest up some 30 feet, through pole; 
 Oh Hope, learn thou a lesson from the water's lip, 
 Spout out, spout out, in peace from hollow soul." 
 
 * As in the case of Mr. Allen, poor dear man. 
 
194 Poetic License. 
 
 Sez I, a lookin' over my specks at Ardelia 
 after I had finished readin' the verses: 
 " What does ' ron ' mean ? I never heerd of 
 that word before, nor knew there wuz sech a 
 one." 
 
 Sez she, " I meant ran, but I s'pose it is a 
 poetical license to say ' ron,' don't you think 
 
 UO ?" 
 
 " Oh, yes," sez I, " I s'pose so, I don't know 
 much about licenses, nor don't want to, they 
 are sunthin' I never believed in. But," sez I, 
 for I see she looked red and overcasted by my 
 remarks, " I don't s'pose it will make any dif- 
 ference in a ioo years whether you say ran or 
 ron." 
 
 But sez I, " Ardelia, it is a hot day, and I 
 wouldn't write any more if I wuz in your 
 place. If you should heat your bra — , the up- 
 per part of your head, you might not get over 
 it for some time." 
 
 " But," sez she, " you have told me some- 
 times to stop on account of cold weather." 
 
 " Wall," sez I, " most any kind of weather 
 is hard on' some kinds of poetry." Sez I, 
 
A Resky Thing. 
 
 195 
 
 " Poetry is sunthin' tliat takes particular 
 kinds of folks, and weather to be successful." 
 Sez I, " It is sunthin' that can't be tampered 
 with with impunity by Christians or world's 
 people. It is a kind of a resky thing to do, 
 and I wouldn't write any more to-day, Ai- 
 delia." 
 
 And she heard to me and after a settin' a 
 while with us, she went back to Mr. Pixley's. 
 
VIII. 
 
 JOSIAH AND SAMANTHA TAKE A LONG WALK 
 
 ALL, we hadn't been to Sara- 
 toga long before Aunt Polly 
 Pixley come over to see us, 
 for Aunt Polly had been as 
 good as her word and had come to Saratoga, 
 to her 2d cousins, the Mr. Pixley'ses, where 
 Ardelia was a stopping. Ardelia herself is a 
 distant relation to Aunt Polly, quite distant, 
 about 40 or 50 milds distant when they are 
 both to home. 
 196 
 
Aunt Polly Likes the Water. 197 
 
 Wall, the change in Aunt Polly is wonder- 
 ful, perfectly wonderful. She don't look like 
 the same woman. 
 
 She took her knittin' work and come in tha 
 forenoon, for a all day's visit, jest as shevmz 
 used to in the country, good old soul — and I 
 took her right to my room, and done well by 
 her, and we talked considerable about other 
 wimmen, not runnin' talk, but good plain 
 talk.. 
 
 She thinks a sight of the Saratoga water, 
 and well she may, if that is what has brung 
 her up, for she wuz always sick in Jonesville, 
 kinder bedrid. And when she sot out for Sar- 
 atoga she had to have a piller to put on the 
 seat behind her to sort a prop her up (hen's 
 feather) . 
 
 And now, she told me she -got up early 
 every mornin', and walked down to the spring 
 for a drink of the water — walked afoot. And 
 she sez, " It is a'stonishin' how much good 
 that water is a doin' me ; for," sez she, " when 
 I am to home I don't stir out of the house 
 from one day's end to the other ; and here," 
 
198 Samantha Likes the Air. 
 
 sez she) " I set out doors all day a'most, a list- 
 enin' to the music in the park mornin' and 
 evenin' ; I hear every strain on't." 
 
 Aunt Polly is the greatest one for music I 
 ever see, or hearn on. And I sez to her, 
 " Don't you believe that one great thing that 
 is helpin' you, is bein' where you are kep' gay 
 and cheerful, by music and good company ; 
 and bein' out so much in the sunshine and 
 pure air."' (Better air than Saratoga has got 
 never wuz made ; that is my opinion and Jo- 
 siah's too.) And sez I, "I lay a good deal to 
 that air." 
 
 " No," she said, " it wuz the water." 
 Sez I, " The water is good, I don't make no 
 doubts on't.' But I continued calmly — for- 
 though I never dispute, I do most always 
 maintain my opinion — and I sez again calmly, 
 " There has been a great change in you for 
 the better, sense you come here, Miss Pixley. 
 But. some on't I lay to your bein' where things 
 are so much more cheerful, and happy fy in'. 
 You say you haint heerd a strain of music ex- 
 cept a base viol for over 14 years before you 
 
Base Viols. 
 
 199 
 
 come here. And though base viols if played 
 right may be melodious, yet Sam Pixley's base 
 viol wuz a old one, and sort a cracked and 
 grumbly in tone, and 
 he wuzn't much of 
 a player anyway, and 
 to me, base viols al- 
 ways sounded kinder 
 base anyway." 
 
 And sez I, " Don't 
 you believe a gettin' 
 out of your little low v 
 dark rooms, shaded 
 by Pollard willers 
 and grave stuns, and 
 gettin' out onto a 
 place where you can 
 heer sweet music 
 from mornin' till 
 night, a liftin' you 
 up and a makin' you happier — don't you be- 
 lieve that has sunthin' to do with your fe.elin' 
 so much better — that and the pure swee< air of 
 the mountains comin' down and bein' s' iftened 
 
 Aunt Polly Pixley. 
 
200 Tke Last Word. 
 
 and enriched by the breath of the valley, and 
 the minerals, makin' a balmy atmosphere 
 most full of balm — I lay a good deal to that." 
 
 " Oh no," sez she, " it is the water." 
 
 " Yes," sez I, in a very polite way,— I will 
 be polite, — " the water is good, first rate." 
 
 But at that very minute, word come to her 
 that she had company, and she sot sail home- 
 wards immegetly, and to once. 
 
 And now I don't care anything for the last 
 word, some wimmen do, but I don't. But I sez 
 to her, as I watched her a goin' down the stair- 
 way, steppin' out like a girl almost, sez I, 
 " How well you do seem, Aunt Polly ; and I 
 lay a good deal on't to that air." 
 
 Now who would have thought, she would 
 speak out from the bottom of the stairway and 
 say, " No, it is the water " ? 
 
 Wall, the water is good, there haint no 
 doubt, and anyway, through the water and the 
 air, and bein' took out of her home cares, and 
 nld surroundin's onto a bright happy place, 
 the change in Polly Pixley is sunthin' to be 
 wondered at. 
 
Separateness of the Waters. 201 
 
 Yes, the water is good. And it is dretful 
 Smart, knowin' water too. Why, wouldn't any- 
 body think that when it all comes from the 
 same place, or pretty nigh the same place any- 
 way, that they would get kinder flustrated and 
 mixed up once in a while ? 
 
 But they don't. These hundreds and thou- 
 sands of years, and I don't know how much 
 longer, they have kep' themselves separate 
 from each other, livin' nigh neighbors there 
 down under the ground, but never neighborin' 
 with each other, or intermarryin' in each other's 
 families. No, they have kep' themselves apart, 
 livin' exclosive down below and bubblin' up 
 exclosive. 
 
 They know how to make each other keep 
 their proper distance, and I s'pose through all 
 the centuries to come they will bubble up, 
 right side by side, entirely different from each 
 other. 
 
 Curius haint it ? Dretful smart, knowin* 
 waters they be, fairly sparklin' and flashin' 
 with light and brightness, and intelligence. 
 They are for the healin' and refreshin' of the 
 
802 The New Beau. 
 
 nations, and the nations are all here this sum- 
 mer, a bein' healed by 'em. But still I lay a 
 good deal to that air. 
 
 Amongst the things that Aunt Polly told 
 me about wimmen that day, wuz this, that 
 Ardelia Tu'tt had got a new Bo, Bial Flamturg, 
 by name. 
 
 She said Mr. Flamburg had asked Ardelia's 
 3d cousin to introduce him to her, and from 
 that time his attentions to her had been unre- 
 mittent, voyalent, and close. She said that to 
 all human appearance he wuz in love with her 
 from his hat band down to his boots and she 
 didn't know what the result would be, though 
 she felt that the situation wuz dangerus, and 
 more'n probable Abram Gee had more trouble 
 ahead on him. (Aunt Polly jest worships 
 Abram Gee, jest as everybody duz that gets to 
 know him well.) And I too, felt that the 
 situation wuz dubersome. For Ardelia I knew 
 wuz one of the soft little wimmeai that has got 
 to have men a trailin' round after 'em ; and her 
 bein' so uncommon tender hearted, and Mr. 
 Flamburg so deep in love, I feared the result 
 

 Jft£ 
 
 M0^& 
 
 
 u^ 
 
 JBTi lltf« ...v.J -:. Ji :,;,:: 
 
 
 
 Jli 
 
 ift 
 
 1111 
 
 ** Through all the centuries to come, they will bubble up." 2Q% 
 
A Walk in the Park. 205 
 
 Wall I wuz jest a thinkin' of this that day 
 after dinner when Josiah proposed a walk, so 
 we sot out. He proposed we should walk 
 through the park, so we did. The air wuz 
 heavenly sweet and that park is one of the 
 most restful and beautiful places this side of 
 Heaven, or so it seemed to us that pleasant 
 afternoon. The music was very soft and sweet 
 that day, sweet with a undertone of sadness, 
 some like a great sorrowful soul in a beautiful 
 body. 
 
 The balmy south wind whispered through 
 the branches of the bendin' trees on the hill 
 where we sot. The light was a shinin' and a 
 siftin' down through the green leaves, in a soft 
 golden haze, and the music seemed to go right 
 up into them shadowy, shinin' pathways of 
 golden misty light, a climbin' up on them 
 shadowy steps of mist, and gold, and amber, 
 up, up, into the soft depths of the blue over- 
 head — up to the abode of melody and love. 
 
 Down the hill in the beautiful little valley, 
 all amongst the fountains and windin' walks 
 and white statutes, and green, green grass, 
 
206 Adelia and Bial. 
 
 little children wuz a playin'. Sweet little 
 toddlers, jest able to walk about, and bolder 
 spirits, though small, a trudgin' about with 
 little canes, and jumpin' round, and havin' a 
 good time. 
 
 Little boys and little girls (beautiful creeters, 
 the hull on 'em), for if their faces, every one 
 on 'em, wuzn't jest perfect ! They all had the 
 beauty of childhood and happiness. And 
 crowds of older folks wuz there. And some 
 happy young couples, youths and maidens, 
 wuz a settin' round, and a wanderin' off by them- 
 selves, and amongst them we see the form 
 of Ardelia, and a young man by her side. 
 
 She wuz a leanin' on the stun railin' that 
 fences in the trout pond. She wuz evidently 
 a lookin' down pensively at the shinin' dartin' 
 figures of the trout, a movin' round down in 
 the cool waters. 
 
 I wuzn't nigh enough to 'em to see really 
 how her companion looked, but even at that 
 distance I recognized a certain air and atmos« 
 phere a surroundin' Ardelia that I knew meart 
 poetry. 
 
By the Trout Pond. 
 
 2o;r 
 
 And Josiah recognized it too, and he sez to 
 me, "We may as well go round the hill and 
 out to the road that way," sez he, (a pointin' 
 to the way furthest from Ardelia) " and we 
 may as well be a goin'." 
 
 Ardelia and Bial at the railing of the trout pond. 
 
 That man abhors poetry. 
 
 Wall, we wandered down into the high way 
 aiid havin' most the hull afternoon before us, 
 we kinder sauntered round amongst the stores 
 that wuz pretty nigh to where we wuz. There 
 is some likely good lookin' stores kep' by the 
 
208 Summer Wares. 
 
 natives, as they call the stiddy dwellers in Sara* 
 toga. Good lookin' respectable stores full of 
 comfort and consolation,, for the outer or 
 inner man or woman. (I speak it in a mortal 
 sense.) 
 
 But with the hundred thousand summer 
 dwellers, who flock here with the summer 
 birds, and go out before theswallers go south, 
 there comes lots of summer stores, and sum- 
 mer shops, and picture studios, etc., etc. Like 
 big summer bird's-nests, all full and a runnin' 
 over with summer wealth, to be blowed down 
 by the autumn winds. These shops are full 
 of every thing elegant and beautiful and useful. 
 The most gorgeous vases and plaks and chiner 
 ware of every description and color, and books, 
 and jewelry, and rugs, and fans, and parasols, 
 and embroideries, and laces, and etc., etc., etc. 
 
 And one shop seemed to be jest full of drops 
 of light, light and sunshine, crystalized in 
 golden, clear, tinted amber. There wuz a young 
 female statute a standin' up in the winder of 
 that store with her hands outstretched and jest 
 a drippin' with the great glowin' amber drops. 
 
Choice Pictures. 209 
 
 Some wuz a hangin' over her wings, for she 
 wuz a young flyin' female. And I thought to 
 myself it must be she would fly better with 
 all that golden light a drippin' about her. 
 
 Josiah liked her looks first rate. And he 
 liked the looks of some of the pictures ex- 
 tremely. There wuz lots of places all full of 
 pictures. A big collection of water colors 
 though as Josiah said and well said, How they 
 could get so many colors out of water wuz a 
 mystery to him. 
 
 But my choice out of all the pictures I see, 
 wuz a little one called " The Sands of Dee." 
 It wuz " Mary a callin' the cattle home." The 
 cruel treacherus water wuz a risin' about her 
 round bare ankles as she stood there amongst 
 the rushes with her little milk-bucket on her 
 arm. 
 
 Her pretty innocent face wuz a lookin' on 
 into the shadows, and the last ray of. sunset 
 wuz a fallin' on her. Maybe it wuz the pity 
 on't that struck so hard as I looked at it, to 
 kt»ow that the " cruel, crawlin' foam " wuz so 
 toon to creep over the sweet young face and 
 
210 A Hasty Retreat. 
 
 round limbs. And there seemed to be a shadow 
 of the comin' fate, a sweepin' in on the gray 
 mist behind her. 
 
 I stood for some time, and I don't know but 
 longer, a lookin' at it, my Josiah a standin' 
 placidly behind me, a lookin' over my shoul- 
 der and enjoy in' of it too, till the price wuz 
 mentioned. But at that fearful moment, my 
 pardner seized me by the arm, and walked me 
 so voyalently out of that store and down the 
 walk that I did not find and recover myself 
 till we stood at the entrance to Philey 
 street. 
 
 And I wuz so out of breath, by his powerful 
 speed, that she didn't look nateral to me, 1 
 hardly recognized Philey. But Josiah hurried 
 me down Philey and wanted to get my mind 
 orren Mary Dee I knew, for he sez as we come 
 under a sign hangin' down over the road, 
 :< Horse Bxchange," sez he, " What do you 
 say, Samantha, do you s'pose I could change 
 off the old mair, for a camel, or sunthin' ? How 
 would you like a camel to ride ?" 
 
 I looked at him in speechless wltheria* 
 
At that fearful moment, my pardner seized me by the arm, and walked 
 me voyalently out of that store. 
 
 211 
 
Reading the Signs. 213 
 
 silence, and he went on hurridly, " It would 
 make a great show in Jonesville, wouldn't it, 
 to see us come to meetin' on a camel, or to see 
 us ridin' in a cutter drawed by one. I guess 
 I'll see about it, some other time." 
 
 And he went on hurridly, and almost in- 
 coherently as we see another sign, over the 
 road — oh ! how.vollubly he did talk — " Quick, 
 I/ivery." 
 
 " I hate to see folks so' dumb conceeted ! 
 Now I don't s'pose that man has got any 
 horses much faster than the old mair." 
 
 " 'Wing's !' Shaw! I don't believe no such 
 thing — a livery on wings. I don't believe a 
 word on't. And you wouldn't ketch me on 
 one on 'em, if they had !" 
 
 " ' Yet Sing !' " sez he, a lookin' acrost the 
 street into a laundry house. " What do I care 
 if you do sing? 'Taint of much account if 
 you do any way. / sing sometimes, I yet 
 ging," sez he. 
 
 " Sing," sez I in neerly witherin' tones. 
 " I'd love to heer you sing, I haint yet and I've 
 lived with you agoin' on 30 years." 
 
$X4 Samantha Needs Prayer. 
 
 " Wall, if you haint heerd me, it is because 
 you are deef," sez He. 
 
 But that is jest the way he kep' on, a hur- 
 ryin' me along, and a talkin' fast to try to get 
 the price of that picture out of my head. 
 Anon, and sometimes oftener, we would come 
 to the word in big letters on signs, or on the 
 fence, or the sides of barns, " Pray." And 
 sometimes it would read, il Pray for my wife !" 
 And Josiah every time he came to the words 
 would stop and reflect on 'em. 
 
 "'Pray!' What business is it of yourn, 
 whether I pray or not ? ' Pray for my wife ! ' 
 That haint none of your business." 
 
 Sez he, a shakin' his fist at the fence, 
 " 'Taint likely I should have a wife without 
 prayin' for her. She needs it bad enough," 
 sez he once, as he stood lookin' at it. 
 
 I gin him a strange look, and he sez, 
 " You wouldn't like it, would you, if I didn't 
 pray for you ?" 
 
 " No," sez I, " and truly as you say, the 
 woman who is your wife needs prayer, she 
 needs help, more'n half the time she duz." 
 
Still on the Go. 21^ 
 
 He looked kinder dissatisfied at the way I 
 turned it, but anon he sez, " ' Pluinbin' done 
 here !' " 
 
 " I'd love to know where they are goin' to 
 plum. I don't see no sign of plum trees, nor 
 no stick to knock 'em off with." And agin he 
 sez, " You would make a great fuss, Saman j 
 tha, if I should say what is painted up right 
 there on that cross piece. You would say I 
 wuz a swearin'." 
 
 Sez I coldly, (or as cold as I could with my 
 blood heated by the voyalence and rapidity of 
 the walk he had been a leadin' me,) " There is 
 a Van in front of it. Van Dam haint 
 swearin'." 
 
 " You would say it wuz if / used it," sez he, 
 reproachfully. " If I should fall down on the 
 ice, or stub my toe, and trip up on the meetin' 
 house steps, and I should happen to mention 
 the name of that street about the same time, 
 you would say I wuz a swearin'." 
 
 I did not reply to him ; I wouldn't. And 
 ag'in he hurried me on'ards by some good 
 lookin' bildin's, and trees, and tavrens, and 
 
216 The Haunted House. 
 
 cottages, and etc., etc., and we come to Caroline 
 street, and Jane, and Matilda, and lots of wim- 
 men's names.' 
 
 And Josiah sez, " I'll bet the man that 
 named them streets wuz love sick !" 
 
 But he wuzn't no such thing. It wuz a 
 father that owned the land, and laid out the 
 streets, and named 'em for his daughters. 
 Good old creeter ! I wuzn't goin' to have him 
 run at this late day, and run down his own 
 streets too. 
 
 But ag'in Josiah hurried me on'ards. And 
 bimeby we found ourselves a standin' in front 
 of a kind of a lonesome lookin' house, big and 
 square, with tall pillows in front. It wuz a 
 standin' back as if it wuz a kinder a drawin' 
 back from company, in a square yard all dark 
 and shady with tall trees. And it all looked 
 kinder dusky, and solemn like. And a by- 
 stander a standin' by told us that it wuz 
 " ha'nted." 
 
 Josiah pawed at it, and shawed at the idee 
 of a gost. 
 
 But I sez, " There ! that is the only thing 
 
And a bystander a standin* by told us it wuz " ha'nted." 
 Josiah pawed at it, and shawed at the idee of a gost. 
 But I scz, "There I that is the only thing Saratoga lacked to male* h*r 
 perfectly interesting and that is a gostl" 
 
 "7 
 
^Josiah? s Scorn. 219 
 
 Saratoga lacked to make her perfectly interest- 
 in', and that is a gost !" 
 
 But ag'in Josiah pawed at the idee, and sez, 
 " There never wuz sech a thing as a gost ! and 
 never will be." And sez he, " What an ex- 
 traordenery idiot anybody must be to believe 
 in any sech thing." And ag'in he looked very 
 skernful, and high-headed, and once ag'in he 
 shawed. 
 
 And I kep' pretty middlin' calm and serene 
 and asked the bystander, when the gost 
 ha'nted, and where ? 
 
 And he said, it opened doors and blowed out 
 lights mostly, and trampled up stairs. 
 
 " Openin', and blowin', and tramplin'," sez 
 I dreamily. 
 
 " Yes," sez the man, " that is what it duz." 
 
 And agin Josiah shawed loud. And agin I 
 kep' calm, and sez I, " I'd give a cent to see 
 it." And sez I, " Do you s'pose it would blow 
 out and trample if we should go in?" 
 
 But Josiah grasped holt of my arm, and sez, 
 " 'Taint safe! my dear Samantha ! don't le's go 
 near the house." 
 
aao Why Teeth Chatter. 
 
 "Why?" sez I coldly, "you say there haint ik 
 sech thing as a gost, what are you afraid on ?" 
 
 His teeth wuz fairly chatterin'. " Oh ! there 
 might be spiders there, or mice, it haint best 
 to go." 
 
 I turned silently round and started on, for my 
 companion's looks wuz pitiful in the extreme. 
 But I merely observed this, as we wended on- 
 wards,"! have always noticedthis,Josiah Allen, 
 that them that shaw the most at sech things, 
 are the ones whose teeth chatter when they 
 come a nigh 'em, showin' plain that the shawers 
 are really the ones that believe in 'em." 
 
 " My teeth chattered," sez he, " because 
 my gooms ache." 
 
 " Well," sez I, " the leest said the soonest 
 mended." And we went on fast ag'in by big 
 houses and little, and boardin' houses; and 
 boardin' houses, and boardin' houses, and 
 tavrens, and tavrens, and he kep' me a walkin' 
 till my feet wuz most blistered. 
 
 I see what his aim wuz ; I had retfgnized it 
 all the hull time. 
 
 But as we went up the stair-way into oui 
 
Power in a Groan. 221 
 
 rooir^ jj^rfectly tuckered out, both on us, I sez 
 to him, [n weary axents, " That picture wuz 
 cheep enough for the money, wuzn't it ?" 
 
 He gioaned aloud. And sech is my love 
 for that man, that the minute I heard that 
 groan I iaimegetly added, " Though I haint no 
 idee of buyin' it, Josiah," 
 
 Immegetly he smiled warmly, and wuz very 
 affectionate in his demeener to me for as much 
 as two hours and a half. Sech is the might 
 of huj^an love. His hurryin' me over them 
 swelterht' and blisterin' streets, and showin' 
 me all the beauty and glory of the world, and 
 his conversation had no effect, skercely, on my 
 mind. But what them hours of frienzied effert 
 could not accomplish, that one still, small 
 groan did. I love that man. I almost worship 
 him, and he me, visey versey, and the same. 
 
 We found that Ardelia Tutt had been to see 
 us in our absence. She had been into our 
 room I see, for she had dropped one of her mits 
 there. And the chambermaid said she had been 
 in and waited for us quite a spell — the young 
 man a waitin' below on the piazza, so I s'pose. 
 
aaa 
 
 A Fruitless Search. 
 
 I expect Ardelia wanted to show him off to tts 
 and I myself wuz quite anxus to see him,feelin 5 
 
 worried and oncomferta- 
 ble about Abraru Gee and 
 wantin' to see if this 
 young chap wuz any 
 where nigh so good as 
 Abram. 
 Well about a hour after 
 
 W» locked all over the house for 'cm, and under the bed, and oa ' 
 ceilin*. 
 
 we came back, Josiah missed his glasses lie 
 reads with. And we looked all over the house 
 
Tkt Glasses Found. 333 
 
 for 'em, and under the bed, and on the ceilin', 
 and through our trunks and bandboxes, and 
 all our pockets, and in the Bible, and Josiah's 
 boots, and everywhere. And finely, after givin' 
 'em up as lost, the idee come to us that they 
 might possibly have ketched on the fringe of 
 Ardelia's shawl, an'd so rode home with her 
 on it. 
 
 So we sent one of the office-boys home with 
 her mit and asked her if she had seen Josiah's 
 glasses. And word come back by the boy 
 that she hadn't seen 'em ; and she sent word 
 to me to look on my pardner's head for *em, 
 and sure enough there we found 'em, right on 
 his foretop, to both of our surprises. 
 
 She sent also by the boy a poem she had 
 Wrote that afternoon, and sent word how sorry 
 she wuz I wuzn't to home to see Mr. Flamburg. 
 But I see him only a day or two after that, 
 and I didn't like his looks a mite. 
 
 But he said, and stuck to it, that his father 
 owned a large bank, that he wuz a banker, and 
 a doin' a heavy business. 
 
 Wall, that raised him dretfully in Ardelia** 
 
224 Banker and Baker. 
 
 eyes ; she owned up to me that it did. She 
 owned to me that she had always thought sh& 
 would love to be a Banker's Bride. She 
 thought it sounded rich. She said, " banket 
 sounded so different from baker." 
 
 I sez to her coolly, that "it wuz only a differ- 
 ence of one letter, and I never wuz much of a 
 one to put the letter N above any of the others, 
 or to be haughty on havin' it added to, or dim- 
 inished from my name." 
 
 But she kep' on a goin' with him. She told 
 me it wuz real romanticle the way he got 
 aquanted with her. He see her onbeknown to 
 her one day, when she wuz a writin' a poem 
 on one of the benches in the park. 
 
 "A Poem on a Bench !" 
 
 She wuz a settin' on the bench, and a writin' 
 about it, she was a writin' on the bench in two 
 different ways. Curius haint it ? 
 
 But to resoom. He immegetly fell in love 
 with her. And, he got a feller who wuz a 
 boardin' to his boardin' place to interduce him 
 to Ardelia's relative, Mr. Pixley, and Mr. 
 Pixley interduced him to Ardelia. He told 
 
BiaVs Personal Habits. 225 
 
 Ardelia's relatives the same story, — That his 
 father wuz a banker, that he owned a bank and 
 wuz doin' a heavy business. 
 
 Wall, I watched that young chap, and 
 watched him close, and I see there wuz one 
 thing about him that could be depended on, he 
 wuz truthful". 
 
 He seemed almost morbid on the subject, 
 and would dispute himself half a hour, to get 
 a thing or a -story he wuz tellin' jest exactly 
 right. But he drinked ; that I know for I 
 know the symptoms. Coffee can't blind the 
 eyes of her that wuz once Smith, nor pepper- 
 mint cast a mist before 'em. My nose could 
 have took its oath, if noses wuz ever put onto 
 a bar of Justice — my nose would have gin its 
 firm testimony that Bial Flamburg drinked. 
 
 And there wuz that sort of a air about him, 
 that I can't describe exactly — a sort of a half 
 offish, half familier and wholly disagreeable 
 mean,, that can be onderstood but not de- 
 scribed. No, you can't picture that liniment, 
 but you can be affected by it. Wall, Bial 
 had it. 
 
S26 Keeping an Eye on Bial. 
 
 And I hep' on a not likin' him, and kep* 
 stiddy onwards a likin' Abram Gee. I couldn't 
 help it, nor didn't want to. KvA I looked out 
 constant to ketch him in some big story that 
 
 would break him 
 right down in Arde j 
 lia's eyes, for I knew 
 if she had been 
 brought up on any 
 one commandment 
 more'n another, it wuz 
 the one ag'inst lyin'. 
 She hated lyin'. 
 
 She had been 
 brought up on the 
 hull of the command- 
 ments but on that one 
 inparticeler; she wuz 
 brung up sharp but 
 good. But not one lie could I ketch him in. 
 And he stuck to it, that his father wuz a 
 banker and doin' a heavy business. 
 
 Wall, it kep' on, she a goin' with him 
 through ambition, for I see plain, by signs 
 
 There wuz that sort of a air about 
 him, that I can't describe exactly. 
 
A Hint to Abram. 227 
 
 I knoo, that she didn't love him half as well 
 as she did Abram. And I felt bad, dretful bad, 
 to set still and see Ambition ondoin' of her. 
 For oft and oft she would speak to me of Bial's 
 father's bank and the heft of the business he 
 wuz a doin'. 
 
 And I finally got so worked up in my mind 
 that I gin a sly hint to Abram Gee, that if he 
 ever wanted to get Ardelia Tu'tt, he had better 
 make a summer trip to Saratoga. I never told 
 Ardelia what I had done, but trusted to a over- 
 rulin' destiny, that seems to enrap baby*s, and 
 lunatiks, and soft little wimmen, when their 
 heads get kinder turned by a man, and to 
 Abram's honest face when she should compare 
 it with Bial Flamburg's, and to Abram's pure, 
 sweet breath with that mixture of stale cigars, 
 tobacco, beer, and peppermint. 
 
 But Abram wrote back to me that his mother 
 wuz a lyin' at the p'int of death with a fever, 
 —that his sister Susan wuz sick abed with the 
 same fever and couldn't come a nigh her and he 
 couldn't leave what might be his mother's 
 death-bed. And he sez, if Ardelia had forgot 
 
228 Bread and Humanity. 
 
 him in so short a time, mebby it wuz the besr 
 thing he could do, to try and forget her. Any* 
 way he wouldn't leave his dyin' mother for 
 anything, or anybody. 
 
 That wuz Abram Gee all over, a doin' his 
 duty every time by bread and humanity. But 
 he added a postscript and it wuz wrote in a 
 agitated hand, — that jest as soon as his mother 
 got so he could leave her, he should come to 
 Saratoga. 
 
 The verses that Ardelia sent over to me 
 wuz as follers : 
 
 " A LAY ON A FEMALE TROUT IN CENTRAL 
 PARK. 
 " BY ARDELIA- TUTT. 
 M Oh trout, sweet female trout, oh fain would I 
 In hottest day, perspirin' dretfelee 
 Desend, and dressed most cool like thee, would lie 
 As deep in water, some two feet, or three 
 
 Or even four. 
 
 *• Who would not dress like thee on summer day ? 
 How cool thy robes — lo ! not one boddice waist 
 Or corset stay, to make thee taper small. 
 Thou tapefest without them, and not then with hast* 
 
 Or Bandaline. 
 
Poem on a Trout. 229 
 
 " Thou crimpest not, or bangest up thy hair ; 
 Thou hast no hair to bang, sweet trout so dear, 
 Thou dost not dance round dances, nor repair 
 Unto the thronged piazzas, nor appear, 
 
 Sweet modest trout 
 
 " In long and haughty trains thou never dost appear 
 And switch them up and down the corredere and hall 
 With diamond jewels hanging to thy ear ; 
 Thou hast not ears to hang them on, no ! not at all. 
 
 No, not one ear. 
 
 " Thou walkest not in high heeled shoes, thou canneal 
 not 
 For reesons it were vain to now relate. 
 Ah no ! But let us cast one eye adown thy grot 
 And see thee sweet and patient wear thy fate, 
 
 And wear it well. 
 
 " At Garden parties, Race Course, Music Hall, 
 We ne'er have set our weary eyes thy form upon ; 
 Thou dost not ramble in the crowded maul, 
 Thou hast no legs sweet trout to ramble on ; 
 
 Ah ! no ! dear one. 
 
 '* And so thou seemest well content to saunter not, 
 Or waltz about in garments fine and gay ; 
 Oh, Mortal Man ! a lesson learn of Trout 
 If thou no legs hast got, why seek to waltz away, 
 
 Or promenade ? 
 15 
 
23° 
 
 Lessons frow a Trout. 
 
 " And, beautius female, learn thou of dear trout 
 So move and swim in thine own native way ; 
 Seek not high stations, titles great, and flout 
 Not thou at fate, but gently swim away 
 
 On native waves. 
 
 " Cool blooded hold thy heart, like female trout ; 
 , Melt not at sweet, false words, that melt and seetb 
 and burn ; 
 She melteth not, ok no ! she cooly turns about 
 And nibbles on, so thou, and follow on 
 
 Sweet female one." 
 
IX. 
 
 josiah's flirtations. 
 
 HEY say there is a sight of flirtin' 
 . done at Saratoga. I didn't hear so 
 much about it as Josiah did, natu- 
 rally there are things that are 
 talked of more amongst men than women 
 Night after night he would come home and 
 tell me how fashionable it wuz, and pretty soon I 
 
 S3 1 
 
232 Flirtation Discussed. 
 
 could see that he kinder wanted to follow the 
 fashion. 
 
 I told him from the first on't that he'd bet- 
 ter let it entirely alone. Says I, "Josiah 
 Allen, you wouldn't never carry it through 
 successful if you should undertake it — and 
 then think of the wickedness on't." 
 
 But he seemed sot. He said " it wuz more 
 fashionable amongst married men and wim- 
 men, than the more single ones," he said " it 
 wuz dretful fashionable amongst pardners." 
 
 " Wall," says I, ' : I shall have nothin' to do 
 with it, and I advise you, if you know when 
 you are well off, to let it entirely alone." 
 
 " Of course," says he fiercely, " You needn't 
 have nothin' to do with it. It is . nothin' you 
 would want to foller up. And I would ruther 
 see you sunk into the ground, or be sunk my- 
 self, than to see you goin' into it. Why," says 
 he savagely, "I would tear a man lim from 
 Urn, if I see him a tryin' to flirt with you." 
 (Josiah Allen worships me.) " But," says he, 
 more placider like, " men have to do things 
 sometimes, that they know is too hard for theif 
 
•I wmM tear a m.n lim' from lin'.UI „, Um « torin . t0 te wlth m< 
 
 *33 
 
Fragile Creeters. 435 
 
 pardners to do — men sometimes feel called 
 upon to do things that their pardners don't 
 care about — that they haint strong enough to 
 tackle. Wimmen are fragile creeters any- 
 way." 
 
 Oh, the fallacy of them arguments — and the 
 weakness of 'em. 
 
 But I didn't say nothin' only to reiterate my 
 utterance, that " if he went into it, he would 
 have to foller it up alone, that he musn't ex- 
 pect any help from me." 
 
 " Oh no !" says he. " Oh ! certainly not." 
 
 His tone wuz very genteel, but there seemed 
 to be sumthin' strange in it. And I looked at 
 him pityin'ly over my specks. The hull idea 
 on't wuz extremely distasteful to me, this talk 
 about flirtin', and etc., at our ages, and with 
 our stations in the Jonesville meetin' house, 
 and with our grandchild ern. 
 
 But I see from day to day that he wuz 
 a hankerin' after it, and I almost made up my 
 mind that I should have to let him make a 
 trial, knowin' that experience wuz the best 
 teacher, and knowin' that his morals wiu 
 
236 The English Girl. 
 
 sound, and he wuz devoted to me, and only 
 went into the enterprize because he thought it 
 wuz fashionable. 
 
 There wuz a young English girl a boardin' 
 to the same place we did. She dressed some 
 like- a young man, carried a cane, etc. But she 
 wuz one of the upper 10, and wuz as pretty as 
 a picture, and I see Josiah had kinder sot his 
 eyes on her as bein' a good one to try his ex- 
 periment with. He thought she wuz beauti- 
 ful. But good land ! I didn't care. I liked 
 her myself. Buf I could see, though he 
 couldn't see it, that she wuz one of the girls 
 who would flirt with the town pump, or the 
 meetin' house steeple, if she couldn't get no- 
 body else to flirt with. She wuz born so, but 
 I suppose ontirely unbeknown to her when she 
 wuz born. 
 
 Wall, Josiah Allen would set and look at 
 her by the hour — dretful admirin'. But good 
 land ! I didn't care. I loved to look at her 
 myself. And then too I had this feelin' that 
 his morals wuz sound. But after awhile, I 
 could see, and couldn't help seein', that he wua 
 
Jostah's Feeble Efforts. 
 
 237 
 
 a tryin' in his feeble way to flirt with her. 
 And I told him kindly, but firmly, " that it 
 
 Josiah Allen would set and look at her by the hour. 
 
 wuz somethin' that I hated to see a goin' 
 on."' 
 
 But he says, " Well, dumb it all, Samantha, 
 
838 Drawing Him On. 
 
 if anybody goes to a fashionable place, they 
 ort to try to be fashionable. 'Taint nothin' I 
 want to do, and you ort to know it." 
 
 And I says in pityin' axents but firm, " If 
 you don't want to, Josiah, I wouldn't, fashion 
 or no fashion." 
 
 But I see I couldn't convince him, and there 
 happened to be a skercity of men jest then — 
 and he kep' it up, and it kep' me on the key 
 veav, as Maggie says, when she is on the ten- 
 ter hooks of suspense. 
 
 I felt bad to see it go On, not that I wuz 
 jealous, no, my foretop lay smooth from day 
 to day, not a jealous hair in it, not one — but 
 I felt sorry for my companion. I see that 
 while the endurin' of it wuz hard and tejus for 
 him (for truly he was not a addep at the busi- 
 ness ; it come tuff, feerful tuff on him) , the 
 endin' wuz sure to be harder. And I tried to 
 convince him, from a sense of duty, that she 
 wuz makin' fun of him — he had told me lots 
 of the pretty things she had said to him 
 —and out of principle I told him that she 
 didn't mean one word of 'em. But J couldn't 
 
Miss Balch Arrives. ] 239 
 
 convince him, and as is the way of pardners, 
 after I had sot the reasen and the sense before 
 him, and he wouldn't hear to me, why then I 
 had to set down and bear it. Such is some of 
 the trials of pardners ! 
 
 Wall, it kep' a goin' on, and a goin' on, and 
 I kep' a hatin' to see it, for if anybody has got 
 to flirt, which I am far from approvin' of, but 
 if I have got to see it a goin' on, I would fain 
 see it well done, and Josiah's efforts to flirt 
 wuz like an effort of our old mair to play a tune 
 on the flaelodian, no grace in it, no system, nor 
 comfort to him, nor me. 
 
 I spose the girl got some fun out, of it; I 
 hope she did, for if she didn't it wuz a weari- 
 some job all round. 
 
 Wall, a week or so rolled on, and it wuz 
 still in progress. And one day an old friend 
 of ours, Miss Ezra .Balch, from the east part 
 of Jonesville, come to see me. She come to 
 Saratoga for the rheumatiz, and wuz gettin' 
 well fast, and Ezf a wuz gettin' entirely cured 
 of biles, for which he had come, carbunkles. 
 
 Wall, she invited Josiah and me to take a 
 
240 
 
 Ready to Ride. 
 
 ride with 'em, and we both accepted of it, and 
 at the appointed time I wuz read}' to the 
 
 m 1 n u t e, 
 down on the 
 piazza, with 
 my brown 
 cotton gloves 
 on, and my 
 mantilly 
 hung grace- 
 fully over my 
 arm. But at 
 the last minute, Josiah Allen said " he could- 
 n't go." 
 I says " Why can't you go ?" 
 
 Miss Ezra Balch. 
 
fosiafts Broken Promise. 241 
 
 " Oh," he says, kinder drawin' up his collar, 
 and snioothin' down his vest, " Oh, I have got 
 another engagement." 
 
 He looked real high-headed, and I says to 
 him : 
 
 " Josiah Allen didn't you promise Druzilla 
 Balch that you would go with her and Ezra 
 to-day ?" 
 
 " Wall yes," says he, " but I can't." 
 
 " Why not ?" says I. 
 
 "Wall, Samantha, though they are well 
 meanin', good people, they haint what you 
 may call fashionable, they haint the uppet 
 10." 
 
 Says I," "Josiah Allen you have fell over 15 
 cents in my estimation, sense we have begun 
 talkin', you won't go with 'em because they 
 haint fashionable. They are good, honest, 
 Christian Methodists, and have stood by you 
 and me many a time, in times of trouble, and 
 now," says I, "you turn against 'em because 
 they haint fashionable." Says I, "Josiah 
 Allen where do you think you'll go to ?" 
 
 "Oh, probable down through Congress Park, 
 
242 Not Jealous. 
 
 and we may walk up as fur as the Indian En- 
 campment. I feel kinder mauger to-day, and 
 my corns ache feerful." (His boots wuz 
 that small, that they wuz sights to behold, 
 sights !) " We probably shan't walk fur," 
 says he. 
 
 I see how 'twuz in a minute. That English 
 girl had asked him to walk with her, and my 
 pardner had broken a solemn engagement 
 with Ezia and Druzilla Balch to go a walkin' 
 with her. I see how 'twuz, but I sot in silence 
 and one of the big rockin' chairs, and didn't 
 say nothin'. 
 
 Finally he says, with a sort of a anxious 
 look onto his foreward : 
 
 "You don't feel bad, do you Samantha? 
 You haint jealous, are you ?" 
 
 "Jealous!" says I, a lookin' him calmly 
 over from head to feet — it wuz a witherin' look, 
 and yet pitiful, that took in the hull body and 
 soul, and weighed 'em in the balances of com- 
 mon sense, and pity, and justice. It wuz a 
 look that seemed to envelop him all to one 
 time, and took him all in, his bald head, his 
 
The Upper Ten. 243 
 
 vest, and Ms boots, and his mind (what he 
 had), and his efforts to be fashionable, and his 
 trials and tribulations at it, and-^-and every- 
 thing. I give him that one long look, and 
 then I says : 
 
 " Jealous ? No, I haint jealous." 
 
 Then silence rained again about us, and 
 Josiah spoke out, (his conscience wuz a trou- 
 blin' him) and he says : 
 
 " You know in fashionable life, Samantha, 
 you have to do things which seem unkind, and 
 Ezra, though a good, worthy man, can't un- 
 derstand these things as I do." 
 
 Says I: "Josiah Allen, you'll see the day 
 that you'll be sorry for your treatment of Dru* 
 zilla Balch, and Ezra." 
 
 " Oh wall," says he, pullin' up his collar, 
 " I'm bound to be fashionable. While I can 
 go with the upper 10, it is my duty and mv 
 privilege to go with 'em, and not mingle in 
 the lower classes like the Balches." 
 
 Says I firmly, " You look out, or some of 
 them 10 will be the death of you, and you may 
 see the day that you will be glad to leave 'em, 
 
244 Deacon Batch of Chicago. 
 
 the hull 10 of ''em, and go back to Druzilla 
 and Ezra Balch." 
 
 But what more words might have passed be- 
 ■ tween us, wuz cut short by the .arrival of Ezra 
 and Druzilla in a good big carriage, with Miss 
 Balch on the back seat, and Ezra acrost from 
 her, and a man up in front a drivin'. It wuz a 
 good lookin' sight, and I hastened down the 
 steps, Josiah disapearin' inside jest as quick as 
 he ketched sight of their heads. 
 
 They asked me anxiously " where Josiah 
 wuz and why he didn't come ?" And I told 
 'em " that Josiah had told me that mornin' that 
 he felt mauger, and he had some corns that 
 wuz a achin'." 
 
 So much wuz truth, and I told it, and then 
 moved off the subject, and they seein' my 
 looks, didn't pursue it any further. They 
 proposed to go back to their boardin' place, 
 and take in Deacon Balch, Ezra's brother from 
 Chicago, who wuz stay in' there a few days, to 
 recooperate his energies y and get help for tizick. 
 So they did. He wuz a widowed man. Yes, 
 he wuz the widower of Cornelia Balch who I 
 
The Deacon's Flattery. 245 
 
 used to know well, a good lookin', and a good 
 actin' man. And lie seemed to like my ap- 
 peerance pretty well, though I am fur from 
 bein' the one that ort to say it. 
 
 And as we rolled on over the broad beautiful 
 road towards Saratoga Lake, I begun to feel 
 better in my mind. 
 
 The Deacon wuz edifyin' in conversation, 
 and he thought, and said, " that my mind wuz 
 the heftiest one that he had ever met, and he 
 had met hundreds and hundreds of 'em." He 
 meant it, you could see that, he meant every 
 word he said. And it wuz kind of comfortin' 
 to heer the Deacon say so, for I respected the 
 Deacon, and I knew he meant jest what he 
 said. 
 
 He said, and believed, though it hain't so, 
 but the Deacon believed it', " that I looked 
 younger than I did the day I wuz married." 
 
 I told him " I didn't feel so young." 
 
 " Wall," he said, " then my looks deceived 
 me, for I looked as young, if not younger." 
 
 Deacon Balch is a good, kind, Christian 
 man. 
 16 
 
246 Edifyin* Conversation. 
 
 His conversation wuz very edifyin', and hfi 
 looked kinder good, and warm-hearted at me 
 out of his eyes, which wuz blue, some the 
 color of my Jdsiah's. But alas ! I felt that 
 though some comforted and edified by his talk, 
 still, my heart wuz not there, not there in that 
 double buggy with 2 seats, but wuz afur off 
 with my pardner. I felt that Josiah Allen wuz 
 a carryin' my heart with him wherever he wuz 
 agoin'. Curious, haint it? Now you may 
 set and smile, and talk, and seem to be en- 
 joy in' yourself first-rate, with agreeable per- 
 sonages all round you, and you do enjoy 
 yourself with that part of your nater. But 
 with it all, down deep under the laughs, and 
 the bright words, the comfort you get out of 
 the answerin' laughs, the gay talk, under it all 
 is the steady consciousness that the real self 
 is fur away, the heart, the soul, is fur away 
 held by some creeter whether he be high, or 
 whether he be low, it don't matter — there your 
 heart is, a goin' towards happiness, or a tra- 
 vellin' towards pain, as the case may be— 
 curious haint it ? 
 
Sulphur Springs. 247 
 
 Wall, Ezra and Druzilla wanted to go to 
 the Sulphur Springs way beyend Saratoga 
 Lake, and as the Deacon wuz agreeable, and I 
 also, we sot out for it, though, as we all said, 
 it wuz goin' to be a pretty long and tegus 
 journey for a hot day. But we went along 
 the broad, beautiful highway, by the high, 
 handsome gates of the Racin' Park, down, down, 
 by handsome houses and shady woods, and 
 'fields of bright-colored wild flowers on each side 
 of the road, down to the beautiful lake, acrost it 
 over the long bridge, and then into the long, 
 cool shadows of the bendin' trees that bend 
 over the road on each side, while through the 
 green boughs, jest at our side we could ketch 
 a sight of the blue, peaceful waters, a lyin' 
 calm and beautiful jest by the side of us — on, 
 on, through the long, sheltered pathway, out 
 into the sunshine for a spell, with peaceful 
 fields a layin' about us, and peaceful - cattle 
 a wanderin' over 'em, and then into the shade 
 agin, till at last we see a beautiful mountin', 
 with its head held kinder high, crowned with 
 
248 Beautiful Scenes. 
 
 ferns and hemlocks, and its feet washed by 
 the cool water of the beautiful lake. 
 
 The shadows of this mountin', tree crowned, 
 lay on the smooth, placid wave, and a white 
 sail boat wuz a comin' round the side on't, and 
 floatin' over the green, crystal branches, and 
 golden shadows. It was a fair seen, seen for 
 a moment, and then away we went into the 
 green shadows of the woods again, round a 
 corner, and here we wuz, at the Sulphur 
 ' Springs. 
 
 It wuz a quiet peaceful spot. The house 
 looked pleasant, and so did the Landlord, and 
 Landlady, and we dismounted and walked 
 through a long clean hall, and went out onto 
 a back piazza and sot down. And I thought 
 as I sot there, that I would be glad enough to 
 set there for some time. Everything looked 
 so quiet and serene. The paths leadin' up the 
 hills in different directions, out into the green 
 woods, looked quiet ; the pretty, grassy back- 
 yard leadin', down to the water side looked 
 green and peaceable, and around all, and 
 beyond all, wuz the glory of the waters. They 
 
""toe of Uncle Jonaa Bently'a " Watarin' Troughs." 
 
Lemonade with Straws. 251 
 
 lay stretched out beautiful and in heavenly 
 calm, and the sun, which wuz low in the West, 
 made a gold path acrost 'em, where it seemed 
 as if one could walk over only a little ways, 
 into Perfect . Repose. The Lake somehow 
 looked like a glowin' pavement, it didn't look 
 like water, but it seemed like broad fields of 
 azure and palest lavender, and pinky grey, and 
 pearly white, and every soft and delicate color 
 that water could be crystalized into. And over 
 all lay the glowin', tender sunset skies — it wuz 
 a fair seen. And even as I looked on in a 
 almost rapped way, the sun come out from be- 
 hind a soft cloud, and lay on the water like a 
 pillow of fire — jest as I dream that pillow did, 
 that went ahead of my old 4 fathers. 
 
 The rest on 'em seemed to be more intent 
 on the lemonade with 2 straws in 'em. I 
 didn't make no fuss. They are nice, clean 
 folks, I make no doubt. I wouldn't make no 
 fuss and tell on the hired man — women of the 
 house have enough to worry 'em anyway. 
 But he had dropped some straws into our 
 tumblers, every one ou 'em, I dare presume to 
 
252 
 
 Free Thinkers^ Convention. 
 
 say they had been a fillin' straw ticks. I jest 
 took mine out in a quiet way, and throwed 'em 
 to one side. The rest on 'em, I see, and it 
 wuz real good in 'em, drinked 
 through 'em, as we used to at 
 school. It was real good in Dru- 
 zilla, and Kzra, and 
 ''"''' also in the Deacon. It 
 kinder ondeared the 
 hull on 'em to me. I hope this 
 won't be told of, it orto be kep 
 — for he wuz a good-natured 
 lookin' hired man, black, but 
 not to blame for that — and 
 good land! what is a straw? 
 — anyway they wuz clean. 
 
 There wuz some tents .sot up 
 there in the back yard, lookin' 
 some as I s'pose our old 4 
 fathers tents did, in the pleas- 
 ant summer times of old. And I asked a 
 bystander a standin' by, whose tents they 
 wuz, and he said they wuz Free Thinkers 
 havin' a convention. 
 
 He wuz a good- 
 natured lookin' hired 
 man, black, but not 
 to blame for that. 
 
Deep Subjects. 253 
 
 And I says, " How free?" 
 
 And he said " they wuz great cases to doubt 
 everything, they doubted whether they wuz or 
 not, and if they wuz or when, and if so, why." 
 
 And he says, " won't you stay to-night over 
 and attend the meetin' ?" 
 
 And I says, " What are they goin' to teach 
 to-night ?" 
 
 And he says, " The Whyness of the What." 
 
 I says, "I guess that is too deep a subject 
 for me to tackle," and says I, "Don't they 
 believe anything easier than that?" 
 
 And he says, " They don't believe anything. 
 That is their belief — to believe nothin'." 
 
 "Nothin'?"saysI. 
 
 " Yes," says he, " Nothin'." And, says he, 
 "to-morter they are goin' to prove beyond any 
 question, that there haint any God, nor any- 
 thing, and never wuz anything." 
 
 " Be they ?" sez I. 
 
 "Yes," says he, "and won't you come and 
 be convinced ?" 
 
 I looked off onto the peaceful waters, onto 
 the hills that lay as the mountains did about 
 
254 
 
 Better Thoughts. 
 
 Jerusalem, onto the pillow of fire that seemed 
 to hold in it the flames of that light that had 
 lighted the old world onto the ruornin' of the 
 new day, — and one star had come out, and 
 Stood tremblin' over the brow of the mountain 
 
 " Won't you come and be 
 convinced ?" 
 
 and I thought of 
 that star that 
 had riz so long 
 time ago, and had 
 guided the three wise 
 men, guided 'em jest 
 alike from their three different homes, entirely- 
 unbeknown to each other, guidin' 'em to 
 the cradle where lay the infant Redeemer 
 of the world, so long foretold by bard and 
 prophet. I looked out onto the heavenly 
 
Starting Homeward. 255 
 
 glory of the day, and then inside into my 
 heart, that held a faith jest as bright and 
 undyin' as the light of that star — and I says, 
 " No, I guess I won't go and be convinced." 
 
 Wall, we riz up to go most immediately 
 afterwerds, and the Deacon (he is very smart) 
 observed : " How highly tickled and even 
 highlarious the man seemed in talkin' about 
 there not bein' any future." And he says "It 
 wuz a good deal like a man laughin' and 
 clappin' his hands to see his house burn 
 down." 
 
 And I sez " it wuz far wurse, for his home 
 wouldn't stand more'n a 100 years or so, and 
 this home he wuz a tryin' to destroy, wuz one 
 that would last through eternity." " But," 
 says I, "it hain't built by hands, and I guess 
 their hands hain't strong enough to tear it 
 down, nor high enough to set fire to it." 
 
 And the Deacon says, "Jest so, Miss Allen, 
 you spoke truthfully, and eloquent." (The 
 Deacon is very smart.) 
 
 When we got into the buggy to start, the 
 Deacon says, "I would like to resoom the con- 
 
256 Beside the Deacon. 
 
 versation with you, Josiah Allen's wife, a goit»' 
 back." 
 
 And Druzilla spoke right out and says, " I 
 will set on the front seat by Ezra." I says, 
 " Oh no, Druzilla, I can hear the Deacon, 
 from where I sot before." 
 
 But' the Deacon says, Talking loud to- 
 wards night always effected his voice onpleas- 
 antly, mebby Druzilla and he had better 
 change seats. 
 
 Again I demurred. And then Druzilla 
 said she must set by Ezra, she wanted to tell 
 him sumthin' in confidence. 
 
 And so it wuz arraigned, for I felt that I wuz 
 not the one to come between pardners, no 
 indeed. The road lay peacefuller and beauti- 
 fuller than ever, or so it seemed under the 
 sunset glory that sort o' hung round it. Jest 
 about half way through the woods we met the 
 English girl, a stridin' along alone, each step 
 more'n 3 feet long, or so it seemed to me. 
 There wuz a look of health, and happy deter- 
 mination on her forwerd as she strided rapidly 
 
 by. 
 
Where wus may Pardner ? 
 
 25? 
 
 I would have fain questioned her concern- 
 in' my pardner, as she strode by, but before I 
 could call out, or begon to her she wuz far in 
 the rearwerd, and goin' in a full pressure and 
 in a knot of several miles an hour. 
 
 all, 
 from that 
 minute I 
 
 felt strange and curious. 
 And though Druzilla 
 
 and Kzra WUZ agreeable, She wuz far in the rearwerd. 
 
 and the Deacon edify in', 
 
 I didn't seem to feel edified, and the most 
 warm-hearted looks didn't seem to warm my 
 heart none, it wuz oppressed with gloomy fore- 
 bodings of, Where wuz my pardner? They 
 had laid out to set out together ! Had they 
 sot ? This question wuz a governin' me, and 
 
*S8 Agonizing Considerations. 
 
 the follerin' one : If they had sot out together, 
 where wuz my pardner, Josiah Allen, now? 
 As I thought these feerful thoughts, instinct- 
 ively I turned around to see if I could see a 
 trace of his companion in the distance.. Yes, I 
 could ketch a faint glimpse of her as ' he wuz 
 mountin' a diclevity, and stood for an instant 
 in sight, but long before even, she disopeered 
 agin,, for her gait wuz tremendous, and at a 
 rate of a good many knots she wuz a goin', 
 that I knew. And the fearful thought would 
 rise, Josiah Allen could not go more than half 
 a knot, if he could that. He wuz a slow pre- 
 destinatur any way, and then- his corns wuz 
 feerful, and never could be told — and his boots 
 had in 'em the elements of feerful sufferin'. 
 It wuz all he could do when he had 'em on to 
 •hobble down to the spring, and post-office. 
 Where ? where wuz he ? And she a goin' 
 at the rate of so many knots. 
 
 Oh ! the agony of them several minutes, 
 while these thoughts wuz rampagin through 
 toy destracted brain. 
 
 Oh ! if pardners only knew the agony they^ 
 
The End of Flirtations. 259 
 
 bring onto their devoted companions, by their 
 onguarded and thoughtless acts, and attentions 
 to other females, gin without proper reseerch 
 and precautions, it would draw their liniments 
 down into expressions of shame and remorse. 
 Josiah wouldn't have gone with her if he had 
 known the ■ number of knots she wuz a goin' 
 no, not one step — then why couldn't he -have 
 found out the number of them knots — why 
 couldn't he ? Why can't pardners look ahead 
 and see to where their gay attentions, their 
 flirtations that they call mild and innercent, 
 will lead 'em to ? Why can't they realize that 
 it, hain't only themselves they are injurin', but_ 
 them that are bound to 'em by the most sacred 
 ties that folks can be twisted up in ? Why 
 can't they realize that a end must come to it, 
 and it may be a fearful and a shameful one, 
 and if it is a happiness that stops, it will leave 
 in the heart when happiness gets out, a 
 emptiness, a holler place, where like as not 
 onhappiness will get in, and mebby stay there 
 for some time, gaulin' and heart-breakin' to 
 the opposite pardner to see it go on ? 
 
z6o 
 
 Chasing the Butterfly. 
 
 If it is indifference, or fashion, or anything 
 of that sort, why it don't pay none of the time, 
 
 it don't seem to 
 the end will be 
 hollererthen the 
 In the case of 
 it wuz fashion, 
 the butterfly of 
 to act in a high- 
 
 meitduz,and 
 emptier and 
 beginnin'. 
 my pardner 
 nothing \>ut 
 fashion he wuz after, 
 toned, fashionably 
 manner, like other 
 fashionable men. And 
 jest see the end on't, 
 why he had brought suffer- 
 in' of the deepest dye onto 
 his companion, and what, 
 what hed he brought onto 
 himself — onto his feet ? 
 Oh ! the agony of them 
 several moments while them 
 thoughts wuz a rackin' at me. 
 The moments swelled out into 
 a half hour, it must have been a long half, 
 hour, before I see far ahead, for the eyes of 
 love is keen — a form a settin' on the grass by 
 
 Josiah's Pursuit. 
 
A Sad Discovery. 261 
 
 the wayside, that I recognized as the form of 
 my pardner. As we drew nearer we all recog- 
 nized the figure — but Josiah Allen didn't seem 
 to notice us. His boots wuz off, and his stock- 
 ing, and even in that first look I could see the 
 agony that wuz a rendin' them toes almost to 
 burstin'. Oh, how sorry I felt for them toes ! 
 He wuz a restin' in a most dejected and melan- 
 choly manner on his hand, as if it wuz more 
 than sufferin' that ailed him — he looked a 
 sufferer from remorse, and regret, and also had 
 the air of one whom mortification has stricken. 
 
 He never seemed to sense a thing that wuz 
 passin' by him, till the driver pulled up his 
 horses clost by him, and then he looked up 
 and see us. And far be it from me to describe 
 the way he looked in his lowly place on the 
 grass. There wuz a good stun by him on 
 which he might have sot, but no, he seemed 
 to feel too mean to get up onto that stun ; 
 grass, lowly, unassumin' grass, wuz what 
 seemed to suit him best, and on it he sot with 
 one of his feet stretched out in front of him. 
 
 Oh ! the pitifulness of that look he gin us, 
 
262 
 
 Josiah in Distress. 
 
 oh ! the meakinness of it. And even, when 
 his eye fell on the Deacon a settin' by my 
 side, oh ! the wild gleam of hatred, and sullen 
 anger that glowed within his orb, and revenge ! 
 He looked at the Deacon, and then at his 
 boots, and I see the wild 
 thought wuz a enterin' his sole, 
 to throw that boot at him. But 
 I says out of that 
 buggy the very first 
 thing the words T 
 have so oft spoke to 
 him in hours of 
 danger: "Josiah, be 
 calm I" 
 
 His eye fell onto 
 
 the peaceful grass 
 
 agin, and he says : 
 
 " Who hain't a bein' calm ? I should say I 
 
 wuz calm enough, if that is what you want." 
 
 But oh, the sullenness of that love. 
 
 Says Ezra, good man, — he see right through 
 
 it all in a minute, and so did Druzilla and 
 
 the Deacon — says Ezra, " Get up on the seat 
 
 On it he sot with one of his feet 
 stretched out in front of him. 
 
Josiah is Jealous. 263 
 
 with the driver, Josiah Allen, and drive back 
 with us." 
 
 " No," says Josiah, " I have no occasion, I 
 am a settin' here," (looking round in perfect 
 agony) " I am a settin' here to admire the 
 scenery." 
 
 Then I leaned over the side of the buggy, 
 and says I, "Josiah Allen, do you get in and 
 ride,, it will kill you to walk back ; put on your 
 boots if you can, and ride, seein' Bzra is so 
 perlite as to ask you." 
 
 " Yes, I see he is very perlite, I see you 
 have set amongst very polite folks, Samantha," 
 says he, a glarin' at Deacon Balch as if he 
 would rend him from lim to lim. " But as I 
 said, I have no occasion to ride, I took off my 
 boots and stockin's merely — merely to pass 
 away time. You know at fashionable resorts," 
 says he, "it is sometimes hard for men to pass 
 away time." 
 
 Says I in low, deep accents, " Do put on 
 your stockin's, and your boots, if you can get 
 'em on, which I doubt, but put your stockin's 
 on this minute, and get in, and ride." 
 
«64 JosiaK's Excuses. 
 
 " Yes," says Ezra, " hurry up and get in, 
 Josiah Allen, it must be dretful oncomfortable 
 a settin' down there in the grass." 
 
 "Oh no!" says Josiah, and he kinder 
 whistled a few bars of no tune that wuz ever 
 heard on, or ever will be heard on agin, so 
 wild and meloncholy it wuz, — " I sot down 
 here kind o' careless. I thought seein' I 
 hadn't much on hand to do, at this time o' 
 year, I thought I would like to look at my 
 feet — we hain't got a very big lookin' glass in 
 our room." 
 
 Oh, how incoherent, and over-crazed he wuz 
 a becomin' ! Who ever heard of seein' any- 
 body's feet in a lookin' glass — of dependin' on 
 a lookin' glass for a sight on 'em ? Oh how I 
 pitied that man! and I bent down and says to 
 him in soothin' axents : "Josiah Allen, to 
 please your pardner you put on your stockin's 
 and get into this buggy. Take your boots in 
 your hand, Josiah, I know you can't get 'em 
 on, you have walked too far for them corns. 
 Corns that are trampled on, Josiah Allen, rise 
 up and rends you, or me, or anybody else who 
 
Josiah Rides. 265 
 
 owns 'em or tramples on 'em. It hain't your 
 fault, nobody blames you. Now get right 
 in." 
 
 " Yes, do," says the Deacon. 
 
 Oh ! the look that Josiah Allen gin hiin. I 
 see the voyolence of that look, that rested first 
 on the Deacon, and then on that boot. 
 
 And agin I says, "Josiah Allen." And 
 agin the thought of his own feerful acts, and 
 my warn in' s, came over him, and again morti- 
 fication seemed to envelop him like a mantilly, 
 the tabs goin' down and coverin' his lims — and 
 agin he didn't throw that boot. Agin Deacon 
 Balch escaped oninjured, saved by my voice, 
 and Josiah's inward conscience, inside of him. 
 
 Wall, suffice it to say, that after a long 
 parley, Josiah Allen wuz a settin' on the high 
 seat with the driver, a holdin' his boots in his 
 hand, for truly no power on earth could have 
 placed them boots on Josiah Allen's feet in the 
 condition they then wuz. 
 
 And so he rode on homewards, occasionally 
 a lookin' down on the Deacon with looks that 
 I hope the recordin' angel didn't photograph, 
 
266 An Ignominious End. 
 
 so dire, and so revengeful, and jealous, and— • 
 and everything, they wuz. And ever, after 
 ketchin' the look in my eye, the look in his'n 
 would change to a heart-rendin' one of remorse, 
 and sorrow, and shame for what he had done. 
 And the Deacon, wantin' to be dretful perlite 
 to him, would ask him questions, and I could 
 see the side of Josiah's face, all glarin' like a 
 hyena at the. sound of his voice, and then he 
 would turn round and ossume a perlite genteel 
 look as he answered him, and then he'd glare 
 at me in a mad way every time I spoke to the 
 Deacon, and then his mad look would change, 
 even to one of shame and meakinness. And 
 he in his stockin' feet, and a pretendin' that he 
 didn't put his boots on, because it wuzn't wuth 
 while to put 'em on agin so near bed-time. 
 And he that sot out that afternoon a feelin' so 
 haughty, and lookin' down on Ezra and Dru- 
 zilla, and bein' brung back by 'em, in that 
 condition — and being goured all the time by 
 thoughts of the ignominious way his flirtin' 
 had ended, by her droppin' him by the side of 
 the road, like a weed she had trampled on too 
 
An Agonizing Ride. 269 
 
 hardly. And a bein' gourded deeper than all 
 the rest of his agonies, by a senseless jealousy 
 of Deacon Balch — and a thinkin' for the first 
 time in his life, what it would be, if her affec- 
 tions, that had been like a divine beacon to 
 him all his life, if that flame should ever go 
 out, or ever flicker in its earthly socket — oh, 
 those thoughts that he had seemed to con- 
 sider in his own mad race for fashion — oh, how 
 that sass that had seemed sweet to him as a 
 gander, oh how bitter and poisonous it wuz to 
 partake of as a goose. 
 
 Oh! the agony of that ride. We went 
 middlin' slow back — and before we got to 
 Saratoga the English girl went past us, she 
 had been to the Sulphur Springs and back 
 agin. She didn't pay no attention to us, for 
 she wuz a lay in' on a plan in her own mind, 
 for' a moonlight pedestrian excursion on foot, 
 that evenin', out to the old battle ground of 
 Saratoga. ■ 
 
 'Josiah never looked to the right hand nor 
 the left, as she passed him, at many, many a 
 knot an hour. And I felt that my pardner's 
 
270 
 
 A Changed Man. 
 
 sufferin's from that cause was over, and mine 
 too, but oh! by what agony wuz it gained. 
 For 3 da3^s and 3 nights he never stood on any 
 of his feet for a consecutive minute and a half, 
 and I bathed him with anarky, and bathed his 
 very soul with many a sweet moral lesson at 
 the same time. And when at last Josiah Allen 
 emerged from that chamber, he wuz a changed 
 man in his demeanor and linement, such is 
 the power of love and womanly devotion. 
 
 He never looked at a woman during out 
 hull stay at Saratoga, save with the eye of a 
 philosopher and a Methodist. 
 
X. 
 
 MISS G. WASHINGTON FLAMM. 
 
 safe. 
 
 ISS G. Washington Flamm is a very 
 fashionable Woman. Thomas Jef- 
 ferson carried her through a law- 
 suit, and carried her stiddy and 
 (She wuz in the right on't, there haint 
 
 no doubt of that.) 
 
 VJX 
 
272 Hunting for Health. 
 
 She had come to Jonesville for the summet 
 to board, her husband bein' to home at the 
 time in New York village, down on Wall 
 Street. He had to stay there, so she said. 
 I don't know why, but s'pose sunthin' 
 wuz the matter with the wall ; anyway he 
 couldn't leave it. And she went round to 
 different places a good deal for her health. 
 There didn't seem to be much health round 
 where her husband wuz, so she had to go away 
 After it, go a huntin' for it, way over to Europe 
 and back ag'in ; and away off to California, 
 and Colerado, and Long Branch, and Newport, 
 and Saratoga, and into the Country. It made 
 it real bad for Miss Flamm. 
 
 Now I always found it healthier where 
 Josiah wuz than in any other place. Difference 
 in folks I s'pose. But they say there is sights 
 and sights of husbands and wives jest like 
 Miss Flamm. Can't find a mite of health any- 
 where near where their families is, and have 
 to poke off alone after it. It makes it real bad 
 for 'em. 
 
 But anyway she came to Jonesville for her 
 
Portrait of Miss Flamm. 273 
 
 health. And she hearn of Thomas Jefferson 
 and employed him. It wuz money that fell 
 onto her from her father, or that should have 
 fell, that she wuz a tryin' to git it to fall. And 
 he won the case. It fell. She was rich as a 
 Jew before she got this money, but she acted 
 as tickled over it as if she wuzn't worth a cent. 
 (Human nater.) She paid Thomas J. well 
 and she and Maggie and he got to be quite 
 -good friends. 
 
 She isawell-meanin', fat little creeter, what 
 there is of her. I have seen folks smaller than 
 she is, and then ag'in we seen them that 
 wuzn't so small. She is middlin' good 
 lookin', not old by any means, but there is a 
 deep wrinkle plowed right into her forward, 
 and down each side of her mouth. They are 
 plowed deep. And I have always wondered 
 to myself who held the plow. 
 
 It wuzn't age, for she haint old enough. 
 Wuz it Worry ? That will do as good a day's 
 work a plowin' as any creeter I ever see, and 
 work as stiddy after it gits to doin' day's works 
 in a female's face. 
 
274 Dog Worriment. 
 
 Was it Dissatisfaction and Disappointment ? 
 They, too, will plow deep furrows and a sight 
 of 'em. I don't know what it wuz. Mebby 
 it wuz her waist and sleeves. Her sleeves 
 wuz so tight that they kep' her hands 
 lookin' kinder bloated and swelled all the time, 
 and must have been dretful painful. And her 
 waist — it wuz drawed in so at the bottom, that 
 to tell the livin' truth it wuzn't much bigger'n 
 a pipe's tail. It beat all to see the size im- 
 megatly above and below, why it looked per- 
 fectly meraculous. She couldn't get her hands 
 up to her head to save her life ; if she felt her 
 head a tottlin' off of her shoulders she couldn't 
 have lifted her hands to have stiddied it, 
 and, of course, she couldn't get a long breath, 
 or short ones with any comfort. 
 
 Mebby that worried her, and then ag'in, 
 mebby it wuz dogs. I know it would wear me 
 out to take such stiddy care on one, day and 
 night. I never seemed to feel no drawin's to 
 take care of animals, wash 'em, and bathe, 
 'em, and exercise 'em, etc., etc., never havin' 
 been in the menagery line and Josiah always 
 
Neglect of Children. 275 
 
 keepin' a boy to take care of the animals when 
 he wuzn't well. Mebby it wuz dogs. Any- 
 way she took splendid care of hern, jest wore 
 herself out a doin' for it stiddy day and night 
 and bein' trampled on, and barked at almost 
 all the time she wuz a bringin' on it up. 
 
 Yes, she took perfectly wonderful care on't, 
 for a woman in her health. She never had 
 been able to take any care of her children, bein' 
 very delicate. Never had been well enough to 
 have any of 'em in the room with her nights, 
 or in the day time either. They tired her so, and 
 she wuz one of the wimmen who felt it wUz her 
 duty to preserve her health for her family's 
 sake. Though when they wuz a goin' to get 
 the benefit of her health, I don't know. 
 
 But howsumever she never could take a mite 
 of care of her children, they wuz brought up 
 on wet nurses, and bottles,- etc., etc., and wuz 
 rather weakly, some on 'em. The nurses, wet 
 and dry ones both, used to gin 'em things t9 
 make 'em sleep, and kinder yank 'em round 
 and scare 'em nights to keep 'em in the bed, 
 and neglect 'em a good deal, and keep 'em out 
 
276 
 
 A Nurse's Care. 
 
 in the brilin' sun when they wanted to see 
 their bows ; and for the same reeson keepin* 
 'em out in their little thin dresses in the cold, 
 and pinch their little arms black and blue if 
 
 9jg?T 
 
 /he nurses used to keep 'em out in the brilin' sun when they wanted 
 to see their bows. 
 
 they went to tell any of their tricks. And they 
 learnt the older ones to be deceitful and sly 
 and cowerdly. Learnt 'em to use jest the 
 same slang phrases and low language that 
 
Children or Dogs. 277 
 
 they did ; tell the same lies, and so they wuz 
 a spilin' 'em in every way ; spilin' their brains 
 with narcotics, their bodies by neglect and bad 
 usage, and their minds and morals by evil ex- 
 amples. 
 
 You see some nurses are dretful good; But 
 Miss Flamm's health bein' so poor and her 
 mind bein' so took up with fashion, dogs, etc., 
 that she couldn't take the trouble to find out 
 about their characters and they wuz dretful 
 poor, unbeknown to her. She had dretful bad 
 luck with 'em, and the last one drinked, so I 
 have been told. 
 
 Yes, it made it dretful bad for Miss Flamm 
 that her health wuz so poor, and her fashion- 
 able engagements so many and arduous that 
 she didn't have the time to take a little care 
 of her children and the dog too. For you 
 could see plain, by the care that she took of 
 that dog, what a splendid hand she would be 
 with the children, if she only had the time and 
 health. 
 
 Why, I don't believe there wuz another dog 
 in" America, either the upper or lower continent, 
 
278 The Science of Dogs. 
 
 that had more lovin', anxus, intelligent, de* 
 voted attention than that dog had,, day and 
 night,, from Miss Flamm. She took 2 dog 
 papers, so they say, to get the latest informa- 
 tion on the subject ; she compared notes with 
 other dog wimmen, I don't say it in a runnin' 
 way at all.: I mean wimmen who have gin their 
 hull minds to dog, havin', some on 'em, re- 
 nounced husbands, and mothers, and children 
 for dog sake. 
 
 You know there are sich wimmen, and Miss 
 Flamm read up and studied with constant and 
 absorbed attention all the latest things on dog. 
 Their habits, their diet,, their baths, their 
 robes, their ribbons, and bells, and collars, 
 their barks. — nothin' escaped her ; she put the 
 best things she learned into practice, and studied 
 out new ones for herself. She said she had 
 reduced the subject to a science, and she boasted 
 proudly that her dog, the last one she. had, 
 went ahead of any dog in the country. And 
 I don't know but it did. I knew it had a good 
 healthy bark. A loud strong bark that must 
 have made it bad for her in the night. It 
 
Dog - Worship. 279 
 
 always slept with her, for she didn't dast to 
 trust it out of her sight nights. It had had 
 some spells in the night, kinder chills, or 
 spuzzums like, and she didn't dast to be away 
 from it for a minute. 
 
 She wouldn't let the wet nurse tech it, for 
 her youngest child, little G. Washington 
 Flamm, Jr., wuzn't very healthy, and Miss 
 Flamm thought that mebby the dog might 
 ketch his weakness if the nurse handled it 
 right after she had been nursin' the baby. 
 And then she objected to the nurse, so I hearn, 
 on account of her bein' wet. She «wanted to 
 keep the dog dry. I hearn this ; I don't know 
 as it wuz so. But I hearn these things long 
 enough before I ever see her. And when I 
 did see her I see that they didn't tell me no 
 lies about her devotion to the dog, for she jest 
 worshiped it, that was plain to be seen. 
 
 Wall, she has got a splendid place at Sara- 
 toga ; a cottage she calls it. /, myself, should 
 call it a house, for it is big as our house and 
 Deacon Peddick'ses and Mr. Bobbett'ses all 
 put together, and I don't know but bigger. 
 18 
 
280 A Pleasure Ride. 
 
 Wall, she invited Jo siah arid me to drive with 
 her, and so her dog and she stopped for us. 
 (I put the dog first, for truly she seemed to 
 put him forward on every occasion in front of 
 herself, and so did her high-toned relatives, 
 who wuz with her.) 
 
 Or I s'pose they wuz her relatives for they 
 sot up straight, and wuz dretful dressed up, 
 and acted awful big-feelin' and never took no 
 notice of Josiah and me, no more than if we 
 hadn't been there. But good land ! I didn't 
 care for that. What if they didn't pay any 
 attention to us ? , But Josiah, on account of 
 his tryiu' to be so fashionable, felt it deeply, 
 and he sez to me while Miss Flamm wuz a 
 bendin' down over the dog, a talkin' to him, 
 for truly it wuz tired completely out a barkin' 
 at Josiah, it had barked at him every single 
 minute sense we had started, and she wuz a 
 talkin' earnest to it a tryin' to soothe it, and 
 Josiah whispered to me, " I'll tell you, Saman- 
 tha, why them fellers feel above me ; it is be- 
 cause I haint dressed up in sech a diessy 
 fashion. Let me once have on a suit like 
 

 
Ambitious for Gijy Dress. 283 
 
 iheir'n, white legs, and yeller trimmin's, and 
 big shinin' buttons sot on in rows, and wbite 
 gloves, aad rosettes in my bat — wby I could 
 appear in jest as good company as tbey go in." 
 
 Sez I, " You are too old to be dressed up so 
 gay, Josiah Allen. Tbere is a time for all 
 things. Gay buttons and rosettes look well 
 with brown bair, and sound teetb, but tbey ort 
 to gently pass away when tbey do. Don't 
 talk , any more about it, Josiah, for I tell you 
 plain, you are too old to dress like tbem, they 
 are young men." 
 
 " Wall," he whispered, in deep resolve,. " I 
 will have a white rosette in my hat, Samantha. 
 I will go sp fur, old, or not old. .What a sen^ 
 sation it will create in the Jonesville meetin'- 
 house to see me come a walkin' proudly in, 
 with a white rosette in my hat." 
 
 " You are goin' to walk into meetin' with 
 your hat on, are you ?" sez I, coldly. 
 
 " Oh, ketch a feller up. You know what I 
 mean. And don't you think I'll make a show? 
 Won't it create a sensation in Jonesville ?" 
 
 Sez I, " Most probable it would. But you 
 
284 Aspirations in Dress. 
 
 haint a goin' to wear no bows on your hat at 
 your age, not if I can break it up," sez I. 
 
 He looked almost black at me, and sez he, 
 " Don't go too fur, Samantha ! I'll own you 
 have been a good wife and mother and all that, 
 but there is a line that you must stop at. You 
 mustn't go too fur. There is some things in 
 which a man must be foot-loose, and that is in 
 the matter of dress. I shall have a white 
 rosette on my hat, and some big white buttons 
 up and down the back of my overcoat ! That 
 is my aim, Samantha, and I shall reach it, if 
 I walk through goar.'' 
 
 He uttered them fearful words in a loud 
 fierce whisper which made the dog" bark at 
 him for more'n ten minutes stiddy, at the top 
 of its voice, and in quick short yelps. 
 
 If it had been her young child that wuz 
 yellin' at a visitor in that way and ketchin' 
 holt of him, and tearin' at his clothes, the child 
 would have been consigned to banishment out 
 of the room, and mebby punishment. But it 
 wuzn't her babe and so it remained, and it dug 
 its feet down into the satin and laces and beads 
 
A Sweet Little Angel. 
 
 285 
 
 of Miss Flamm's dress, and barked to that ex- 
 tent that we couldn't hear ourselves think. 
 
 And she called it " sweet little angel," and 
 told it, it might " bark its little cunnin' bark." 
 The idee of a angel barkin' ; jest think on't. 
 And we endured it as best we could with shak- 
 in' nerves and 
 achin' ear-pans. 
 
 It was a curius 
 time. The dog 
 harrowin' our 
 nerve, and snap- 
 pin' at Josiah 
 anon, if not of- 
 tener, and ketch- 
 in' holt of him 
 any where, and 
 she a callin' it a angel ; and Josiah a look- 
 in' so voyalent at it, that it seemed almost as 
 if that glance could stun it. 
 
 It was a curi'us seen. But truly worse wuz 
 to come, for Miss Flamm' in an interval of 
 silence, sez, " We will go first to the Gizer 
 Spring and then, afterwards, to the Moon." 
 
 "Its little cunnin' bark.' 
 
*86 Danger Ahead. 
 
 Or, that is what I understand her to say. 
 And though I kep' still, I wuz determined to 
 keep my eyes out and if I see her goin' into 
 anything dangerus, I wuz goin' to reject her 
 overtures to take us. But thinkses I to my- 
 self, " We always said I believed we should 
 travel to the stars sometime, but I little 
 thought it would be to-day, or that I should go 
 in a buggy." 
 
 Josiah shared. my feelin's I could see, for he 
 whispered to me, " Don't le's go, Samantha, it 
 must be dangerus !" 
 
 But I whispered back, " Le's wait, Josiah, 
 and see. We won't do nothin' percipitate, but," 
 sez I, " this is a chance that we most probable 
 never will have ag'in. Don't le's be hasty." 
 We talked these things in secret, while. 
 Miss Flamm wuz a bendin' over, and conver- 
 sin' with the dog.- For Josiah would ruther 
 have died than not be spozed to be " Oh Fay," 
 as Maggie would say, in every thing fashion- 
 able. And it has always been my way to wait 
 and see, and count 10, or even 20, before 
 speakin'. 
 
A Great Undertaking. 287 
 
 And then Miss Flainm sez sunthin' about 
 what beautiful fried potatoes you could get 
 there in the moon, and you could always get 
 them, any time you wanted 'em. 
 
 And the very next time she went to kissin' 
 the dog so voyalently as not to notice us, my 
 Josiah whispered to me and sez, " Did you 
 have any idee that wuz what the old man wuz 
 a doin' ? I knew he wuz always a settin' up 
 there in the moon, but it never passed my 
 mind that he wuz a- fry in' potatoes." 
 
 But I sez, " Keep still, Josiah. It is a deep 
 subject, a great undertaking and it requires 
 caution and deliberation." . 
 
 But he sez, " I haint a goin', Samantha I 
 Nor I haint a goin' to let you go. It is-dan- 
 gerus." 
 
 But I kinder nudged- him, for she had the 
 dog down on her lap, and wuz ready to resoom 
 conversation. And about that time we got to 
 the entrance of the spring, and one of her rela- 
 tives got down and opened* the carriage door. 
 
 I wondered ag'in that she didn't introduce 
 as. But I didn't care if she didn't. I felt that 
 
s88- Friendly Overtures Rejected. 
 
 I wuz jest as good as they wuz, if they wuz so 
 haughty. But Josiah wantin' to make him- 
 self agreeable to 'em (he hankers after gettiu' 
 ?nto high society), he took off his hat and 
 bowed low to 'em, before he got out, and sez 
 he, " I am proud to know you, sir," and tried 
 to shake hands with him. But the man re- 
 jected his overtoors and looked perfectly 
 wooden, and oninterested. A big-feelin', high- 
 headed creeter, Josiah Allen, is as "good as he 
 is any day. And I whispered to him and sez, 
 " Don't demean yoursejf by tryin' to force 
 your company onto them any more." 
 
 " Wall," he whispered back," I do love to 
 move in high circles." 
 
 Sez I, " Then I shouldn't think you would 
 
 be so afraid of the undertakin' ahead on us. 
 
 If neighborin' with the old man in the moon, 
 
 and eatin' supper with him, haint movin' in 
 
 .high circles, then' I don't know what is." 
 
 " But I don't want to go into ' any thing 
 dangerus," sez he. 
 
 But jest then Miss Flamm spoke to me, and 
 I moved forward by her side and into a middlin' 
 
At tke Spring. 289 
 
 big room, and in the middle wuz a great sort 
 of a well like, with the water a bubblin' up into 
 a.cleer crystal globe, and a sprayin' up out of 
 it, in a slender misty sparklin' spray. It wuz 
 a pretty sight. And we drinked a glass full 
 of it apiece, and then we wandered out of the 
 back door-way, and went down into the pretty, 
 old-fashioned garden back of the house. 
 
 Josiah and me and Miss Flamm went. The 
 dog. and the two relatives didn't seem to want 
 to go. The relatives sot up there straight 
 as two sticks, one of 'em holdin' the dog, and 
 they didn't even look round at us. 
 
 " Felt too big to go with us," sez Josiah, 
 bitterly, as we went down the steps. "They 
 won't associate with me." 
 
 " Wall, I wouldn't care if I wuz in your 
 place, Josiah Allen," sez I, " you are jest as 
 good as they be, and I know it." 
 
 " You couldn't make them think so, dumb 
 ^m," sez he. 
 
 I liked the looks of it down there. It seems 
 sometimes as if Happiness gets kinder home- 
 sick, in the big dusty fashionable places, and 
 
2go Nature's Choice Abode. 
 
 so goes back to the wild, green wood, an<5 
 kinder wanders off, and loafs round, amongst 
 the pine trees, and cool sparklin' brooks and 
 wild flowers and long shinin' grasses and slate 
 stuns, and etc., etc. 
 
 I don't believe she likes it half so well up in 
 the big hotel gardens or Courtin' yards, as 
 she does down there. You see it seems as if 
 Happiness would have to be more dressed up, 
 up there, and girted down, and stiff actin', and 
 on her good behavior, and afraid of actin' ot 
 lookin' onfashionable. But down here by the 
 side of the quiet little brook, amongst the cool, 
 green grasses, fur away from diamonds, and 
 satins, and big words, and dogs, and parasols, 
 and so many, many that are a chasin' of her 
 and a follerin' of her up, it seemed more as if 
 she loved to get away from it all, and get where 
 she could take her crown off, lay down her 
 septer, onhook her corset, and put on a long 
 loose gown, and lounge found and enjoy her- 
 self (metafor). 
 
 We had a happy time there. We went over 
 the little rustick bridges which would have 
 
t 
 o 
 
 3_ 
 
 o 
 
 G 
 a 
 
Josiah Disgusted. 293 
 
 been spilte in my eyes if they had been rounded 
 off on the edges, or a mite of paint on 'em. 
 Truly, I felt that I had seen enough of paint 
 and gildin' to last me through a long life, and 
 it did seem such a treat to me to see a board 
 ag'in, jest a plain rough bass-wood board, and 
 . some stuns a lyin' in the road, and some deep 
 tall grass that you had to sort a wade 
 through. 
 
 Miss Flamm seemed to enjoy it some down 
 there, though she spoke of the dog, which she 
 had left up with her relatives. 
 
 " 3 big-feelin' ones together," I whispered to 
 Josiah. 
 
 'And he sez, " Yes, that dog is a big-feelin' 
 little cuss-tomer. And if I wuz a chipmunk 
 he couldn't bark at me no more than he duz." 
 
 And I looked severe at Josiah and sez I, "If 
 you don't jine your syllables closer togethei 
 you will see trouble, Josiah Allen. You'll 
 find yourself 'Swearin' before you know it." 
 
 " Oh shaw," sez he, " customer haint a 
 swearin' word; ministers use it. I've hearu 
 'em many a time." 
 
294 d. Crisis Impending. 
 
 " Yes," sez I, " but they don't draw it out as 
 you did, Josiah Allen/' 
 
 " Oh! wall! Folks can't always speak up pert 
 and quick when they are off on pleasure ex- 
 ertions and have been barked at as long as I 
 have been. But now I've got a minute's 
 chance," sez he, " let me tell you ag'in, don't 
 you make no arraingments to go to the Moon. 
 It is dangerus, and I won't go myself, nor let 
 you go." 
 
 " Let" sez I to myself. " That is rather of a 
 gaulin' word to me. Won't let me go." But 
 then I thought ag'in, and thought how love 
 and tenderness wuz a dictatin' the term, and I 
 thought to myself, it has a good sound to me, 
 I like the word. I love to hear him say ha 
 won't let me go. 
 
 And truly to me it looked hazerdus. Bui 
 Miss Flamm seemed ready to go on, and on- 
 willin'ly I follered on after her footsteps. Bui 
 I looked round, and said " Good-bye " in my 
 heart, to the fine trees, the cleer, brown waters 
 of the brook, the grass, and the wild flowers, 
 and the sweet peace that wuz over all. 
 
Communing with Nature. 295 
 
 " Good-bye," sez I. " If I don't see you ag'in, 
 jrou'll find some other lover that will appreciate 
 you, though I am fur away." 
 ' They didn't answer me back, none on 'em, 
 but I felt that they understood me. The pines 
 whispered sunthin' to each other, and the 
 brook put its moist lips up to the pebbly shore 
 and whispered sunthin' to the grasses that 
 bent down to hear it. I don't know exactly 
 what it wuz, but it wuz sunthin' friendly I 
 know, for I felt it speak right through the soft, 
 summer sunshine into my heart. They couldn't 
 exactly tell what they felt towards me, and I 
 couldn't exactly tell what I felt towards them, 
 yet we understood each other ; curi'us haint it ? 
 
 Wall, we got into the carriage ag'in, one of 
 her relatives gettin' down to open the door. 
 They knew what good manners is ; I'll say that 
 for 'em. And Miss Flamm took her dog into 
 her arms seemin'ly glad to get holt of him 
 ag'in, and kissed it several times with a deep 
 love and devotedness. She takes good care of 
 that dog. And what makes it harder for her 
 to handle him is, her dress is so tight, and 
 
296 A Defective Goddess. 
 
 her sleeves. I s'pose that is why she can't 
 breathe any better, and what makes her face 
 and hands red, and kinder swelled up. She 
 can't get her hands to her head to save her, 
 and if a assassin should strike her, she couldn't 
 raise her arm to ward off the blow if he killed 
 her. I s'pose it worrys her. 
 
 And she has to put her bunnet on jest as 
 quick as she gets her petticoats on, for she 
 can't lift her arms to save her life after she 
 gets, her corsets on. She owned up to me once 
 that it made her feel queer to be a walkin' 
 round her room with not much on only her 
 bunnet all trimmed off with high feathers and 
 •artificial lowers. 
 
 But 3he said she wuz willin' to do anythin' 
 necessary, and she felt that she must have her 
 waist taper, no matter what stood in the way 
 on't. She loves the looks of a waist that 
 tapers. That wuz all the fault she found with 
 the goddus of Liberty, enlightenin' the world 
 in New York Harber. We got to talkin' about 
 it and she said, " If that Goddus only had cor- 
 sets on, and sleeves that wuz skin tight, and her 
 
Mrs. Flamni's Ideal Goddess. 
 
 297 
 
 overskirt looped back over a bustle, it would 
 be perfect!" 
 
 But I told her 
 I liked her looks 
 as well ag'in as 
 she wuz. Why, 
 sez I, "How 
 could she lift her 
 torch above her 
 head? And how 
 could she ever 
 enlighten the 
 world, if she wuz 
 so held down by 
 her corsets and 
 sleeves that she 
 couldn't wave 
 her torch ?" 
 
 She see in a 
 minute that it 
 couldn't be done. 
 She owned up that she couldn't enlighten the 
 world in that condition, but as fur as looks 
 Went, it would be perfectly beautiful. 
 19 
 
 Mrs. Flamm's Ideal Goddess. 
 
298 Charity Obscured by a Dog. 
 
 But I don't think so at all. But, as I say, 
 Miss Flamm has a real hard time on't, all bard 
 down as she is, and takin' all the care of that 
 dog, day and night. She is jest devoted to it. 
 
 Why jest before we started a little lame girl 
 with a shabby dress, but a face angel sweet, 
 came to the side of the carriage to sell some 
 water lilies. Her face looked patient, and 
 wistful, and she jest^ held out .her flowers 
 silently, and stood with her bare feet on the 
 wet ground and her pretty eyes lookin' piti- 
 fully into our'n. She wanted to sell 'em 
 awfully, I could see. And I should have 
 bought the hull of 'em immegitly, my feelin's 
 wuz sech, but onfortionably I had left my port- 
 money in my other pocket, and Josiah said he 
 had left his (mebby he had). But Miss 
 Flamm would have bought 'em in a minute, I 
 knew, the child's face looked so mournful and 
 appealin' ; she would have bought 'em, but 
 she wuz so engrossed by the dog ; she wuz a 
 holdin' him up in front of her a admirin' and 
 carressin' of him, so's she never ketched sight 
 of the lame child. 
 
At the Vichy Spring. 299 
 
 No body, not the best natured creeter in the 
 world, can see tbrougb a dog when it is held 
 clost up to the eye, closer than any thing else. 
 
 Wall, we drove down to what they called 
 Vichy Spring and there on a pretty pond clost 
 to the spring-house, we see a boat with a 
 bycycle on it, and a boy a ridin' it. The boat 
 wuz rigged out to look like a swan with its 
 wings a comin' up each side of the boy. And 
 dovra on the water, a sailin' along closely and 
 silently wuz another swan, a shadow swan, a 
 folleriii' it right along. It wuz a fair seen. 
 
 And Josiah sez tome, " He should ride that 
 boat before he left Saratoga ; he said that wuz 
 a undertaken' that a man might be proud to 
 accomplish." 
 
 Sez I, " Josiah Allen, don't you do anything 
 of the kind." 
 
 " I must, Samantha," sez he. And then he 
 got all animated about fixin' up a boat like it 
 at home. Sez he, " Don't you think it would 
 be splendid to have one on the canal jest be- 
 yond the orchard?" And sez he, " Mebby, 
 bein' on a farm, it would be more appropriate 
 
300 An Appropriate Emblem. 
 
 to have a big goose sculptured out on- it ; don't 
 you think so ?" 
 
 Sez I, " Yes, it would be fur more appropri- 
 ate, and a goose a ridin' on it. But," sez I, 
 " you will never go into that undertaken' with 
 my consent, Josiah Allen." 
 
 " Why," sez he, " it would be a beautiful re- 
 creation y so uneek." 
 
 But at that minute Miss Flamm gin the 
 order to turn round and start for the Moon, or 
 that is how I understood her, &ud I whispered 
 to Josiah and sez, " She means to go in the 
 buggy, for the land's sake !" 
 
 And Josiah sez, " Wall, I haint a goin' and 
 you haiiit. I won't let you go into anything 
 so dangerus. She will probably drive into a 
 baloon before long, and go up in that way, but 
 jest before she drives in, you and I will get 
 out, Samantha, if we have to walk back." 
 
 " I never heard of anybody goin' up in a 
 baloon with two horses and a buggy," sez I. 
 
 " Wall, new things are a happenin' all the 
 time, Samantha. And I heard a feller a talk-s- 
 in' about it yesterday. You know they are a 
 
W"' 
 
 §4 ♦^v-' <7&' : 5jg 
 
 WBSbp 
 
 I*ll§feiipl 
 
 gK». mill I mnlHl iJUIll if^WWj-J .". " B '-'T., " ,'"> ? I 
 
 'jjciil^. ? ■'' ■•? . ■ 'jfc- 
 
 ■ K ■ tf 
 
 Bli 
 
 
 gET^HEfe''^:^ a» ^imsp^^g 
 
 .*■<■:■ >'4fBBs 
 
 !ipiP^tiiHl 
 
 " :WK 
 
 If :v."^ : . ; , 
 
 The Vichy Spring House. 
 
Ready to Jump. 303 
 
 havin' the big political convention here, and 
 he said, (he wuz a real cute chap too,) he said, 
 ' if the wind wasted in that convention could be 
 utilized by pipes goin' up out of the ruff of 
 that buildin' where it is held,' he said, ' it 
 would take a man up to the moon.' I heerd 
 him say it. And now, who knows but they 
 have got it all fixed. There was dretful windy 
 speeches there this mornin'. I hearn 'em, and 
 I'll bet that is her idee, of bein' the first one to 
 try it ; she is so fashionable. But I haint a goin' 
 up in no sech a way." 
 
 " No," sez I. " Nor I nuther. It would be 
 fur from my wishes to be carried up to the 
 skies on the wind of a political convention. 
 Though," sez Iresonably, " I haint a doubt that 
 there wuz sights, and sights of it used there." 
 
 But jest at this minute Miss Flamm got 
 through talkin' with her relatives about the 
 road, and settled down to cares sin' the dog 
 ag'in, and Josiah hadn't time to remark any 
 further, only to say, " Watch me, Samantha, 
 and when I say jump, jump." 
 
 And then we sot still but watchful. And 
 
304 A Gnawir? Angel, 
 
 Miss Flamm kissed the dog several times and 
 pressed him to her heart that throbbed full of 
 such a boundless love for him; And he lifted 
 his head and snapped at a fly, and barked at 
 my companion with a renewed energy, and 
 showed his intellect and delightful qualities in 
 sech remarkable ways, that filled Miss Flamm's 
 soul deep with a proud joy in him. And then 
 he went to sleep a layin' down in her lap, a 
 mashin' down the delicate lace, and embroidery 
 and beads. He had been a eatin' the beads, I 
 see him gnaw off more'n two dozen of 'em, and 
 I called her attention to it, but she said, " The 
 dear little darlin' had to have some such re- 
 creation." And she let him go on with it, a 
 mowin' 'em down, as long as he seemed to 
 have a appetite for 'em. And ag'in she called 
 him " angel." The idee of a angel a gnawin' off 
 beads, and a yelpin' ! 
 
 And I asked her, and I couldn't help it, 
 How her baby wuz that afternoon, and if she 
 ever took it out to drive ? 
 
 And she said she didn't really know how it 
 wuz this afternoon ; it wuzn't very well in the 
 
A R'illin'' Care. 
 
 305 
 
 mornin'. The nurse had it out somewhere, 
 she didn't really know just where. And she 
 said, no, she didn't take it out with her at all 
 
 W?WC 
 
 She had to get up to warm blankets to put round it. 
 
 — fur she didn't feel equal to the care of it, in 
 this hot weather. 
 
 Miss Flamm haint very well, I could see 
 that. The care of that dog is jest a killin' her, 
 a carryin' it round with her all the time day 
 
306 Moon's. 
 
 " times, and a bein' up with it so much nights. 
 She said it had a dretful chill the night before,, 
 and she had to get up to warm blankets to. put 
 round it ; " its nerves wuz so weak," she said, 
 " and it wuz so sensative that she could not 
 trust it to a nurse." She has a hard time of it ; 
 there haint a doubt Of it. 
 
 Wall, it wuz anon, or jest about anon, that 
 Miss Flamm turned to me and sez, " Moon's 
 is one of the pleasantest places on the lake. I 
 want you to see it ; folks drive out there a 
 sight from Saratoga." 
 
 And then I looked at Josiah, and Josiah 
 looked at me, and peace and happiness settled 
 down ag'in onto our hearts. 
 
 Wall, we got there considerably before anon 
 and we found that Moon's insted of bein' up 
 in another planet wuz a big, long sort a low 
 buildin' settled right down onto this old earth, 
 with a immense piazza stretchin' along the 
 side on't. 
 
 And Miss Flamm and Josiah and me dis- 
 embarked from the carriage right onto the end 
 of it. But the dog and her relatives stayed 
 
Fried Potatoes. 307 
 
 back in the buggy and Josiah spoke bitterly to 
 me ag'in but low, " They think it would hurt 
 'em to associate with me a little, dumb 'em ; 
 but I am jest as good as they be any day of the 
 week, if I haint dressed up so fancy." 
 
 " That's so," sez I, whisperin' back to him, 
 " and don't let it worry you a mite. Don't try 
 to act like Haman," sez I. " You are havin' 
 lots of the good things of this world, and are 
 goin' to have some fried potatoes. Don't let 
 them two Mordecais at the gate, poisen all your 
 happiness, or you may get come up with jest 
 as Haman wuz." 
 
 "I'd love to hang 'em," sez he, " as high as 
 Haman' s gallows would let 'em hang." 
 
 ' ' Why, ' ' sez I, " they haint inj ured you in any 
 way. They seem to eat like perfect gentle- 
 men. A little too exclusive and aristoocratic, 
 mebby, but they haint done nothin' to you." 
 
 " No," sez he, " that is the stick on it, here 
 we be, three men with a lot of wimmen. And 
 they can't associate with me as man with man, 
 but set off by themselves too dumb proud to 
 say a word to me, that is the dumb of it." 
 
308 At the Tables. 
 
 But at this very minute, before I could re- 
 buke him for his feerful profanity, Miss Flamm 
 motioned to us to come and take a seat round 
 a little table, and consequently we sot. 
 
 A long broad piazza with sights and sights of folks on it a settin' 
 round little tables like our'n. 
 
 It was a long broad piazza with sights and 
 sights of folks on it a settin' round little tables 
 like our'n, and all a lookin' happy, and a 
 laughin', and a talkin' and a drinkin' different 
 
Saratoga Lake. 309 
 
 drinks, sech as lemonade, etc., and catin' fried 
 potatoes and sech. 
 
 And out in the road by which we had come, 
 wuz sights and sights of vehicles and con- 
 veyances of all kinds from big Tally Ho 
 coaches with four horses on 'em, down to a 
 little two wheeled buggy. The road wuz full 
 on 'em. 
 
 In front of us, down at the bottom of a steep 
 though beautiful hill, lay stretched out the 
 clear blue waters of the lake. Smooth and 
 tranquil it looked in the light of that pleasant 
 afternoon, arid fur off, over the shinin' waves, 
 lay the island. And white-sailed boats wuz a 
 sailin' slowly by, and the shadow of their white 
 sails lay down in the water a floatin' on by the 
 side of the boats, lookin' some like the wings 
 of that white dove that used to watch over 
 Lake Saratoga. " 
 
 And as I looked down on the peaceful seen, 
 the feelin's I had down in the wild wood, back 
 of the ' Gizer Spring come , back to me. The 
 waves rolled in softly from fur off, fur off, 
 bringin' a greetin' to me unbeknown to any- 
 
310 Fearful Meditations. 
 
 body, unbeknown to me. It come into my 
 heart unbidden, unsougbt, -from afur, afur. 
 Where did it come from that news of lands 
 more beautiful than any that lay round Mr. 
 Moons'es, beautiful as it wuz. 
 
 Echoes of music sweeter fur than wuz a 
 soundin' from the band down by the shore, 
 music heard by some finer sense than heard 
 that, heavenly sweet, heavenly sad, throbbin' 
 through the remoteness of that country, 
 through the nearness of it, and fillin' my eyes 
 with tears. Not sad tears, not happy ones, 
 but tears that come only to them that shet 
 their eyes and behold the country, and love it. 
 The waves softly lappin' the shore brought a 
 message to me ; my soul hearn it. Who sent 
 it? And where, and when, and why ? 
 
 Not a trace of these emotions could be read 
 on my countenance as I sot there calmly a 
 eatin' fried potatoes. And they did go beyond 
 anything I ever see in the line of potatoes, 
 and I thought I, could fry potatoes with any 
 one. Yes, such wuz my feelin's when I sot out 
 for Mr. Moons'es. But I went back a thinkin' 
 
Splendid Fried Potatoes. 311 
 
 that potatoes had never been fried by me, sech 
 Is the power of a grand achievment over a in- 
 ferior one, and so easy is the sails taken down 
 out of the swellin' barge of egotism. 
 
 No, them potatoes you could carry in your 
 pocket for weeks right by the side of the finest 
 lace, and the lace would be improved by the 
 purity of 'em. I?ried potatoes in that condition, 
 you could eat 'em with the lightest silk gloves 
 on, and the tips of the fingers would be im- 
 proved by 'em \ fried potatoes, — jest think on't! 
 
 Wall we had some lemonade too, and if 
 you'll believe it, — I don't s'pose you will but it 
 is the truth, — there wuz straws in them glasses 
 too. But you may as well believe it for I tell 
 the truth at all times, and if I wuz a goin' to lie, 
 I wouldn't lie about lemons. And then I've 
 always noticed it, that if things git to happenin' 
 to you, lots of things jest like it will happen. 
 That made twice in one week or so, that I had 
 found straws in my tumbler. But then I have 
 had company three days a runnin', rainy days 
 too sometimes. It haint npthin' to wonder at 
 too much. Any way it is the truth. 
 
312 End of the Ride. 
 
 Wall, we drinked our lemonade, I a quietly 
 takin' out the straws and droppin' 'em on the 
 floor at my side in a quiet ladylike manner, 
 and Josiah, a bein' wunk at by me, doin' the 
 same thing. 
 
 And anon, our carriage drove up to the end 
 of the piazza agin and we sot sail homewards. 
 And the dog barked at Josiah almost every 
 step of the way back, and when we got to our 
 boardin' place, Miss Flamm shook hands with 
 us both, and her relatives never took a mite of 
 notice of us, further than to j ump down a nd open 
 the carriage door for us as we got out. (They 
 are genteel in their manners, and Josiah had to 
 admit that they wuz, much as his feelin'.s wuz 
 hurt by their haughtiness towards him.) 
 
 And then the dog, and Miss Flamm and Miss 
 Flamm' s relatives drove off. 
 
XL 
 
 VISIT TO THE INDIAN ENCAMPMENT. 
 
 T wuz a fair sunshiny inornin' (and 
 it duz seem to me that the faii- 
 ness of a Saratoga mornin' seems 
 fairer, and the sunshine more sunshiny than 
 it duz anywhere else) , that Josiah and Ardelia 
 and me sot sail for the Indian Bncampment, 
 which wuz encamped on a little rise of ground 
 to the eastward of where we wuz. 
 
 Ardelia wuz to come to our boardin' place at 
 half-past 9 a. m., forenoon, and we wuz to set 
 out together from there. And punctual to the 
 
 3*3 
 
314 Beginning Controversy. 
 
 Very half minute I wuz down on the piazza, 
 with my mantilly hung: over my arm and my 
 umberel in my left hand. Josiah Allen wuz on 
 the right side on me. And as Ardelia hadn't 
 come yet we sot down in a middlin' quiet part 
 of the piazza, and waited for her. 
 
 And as we sot there, I sez to Josiah, as I 
 looked out on the fair pleasant mornin' and 
 the fair pleasant faces environin' of us round, 
 sez I, "Saratoga is a good-natured place, haint 
 it, Josiah ?" 
 
 And he said (I mistrust his corns ached 
 worse than common, or sunthin'), he said, 
 he didn't see as it wuz any better-natured 
 than Jonesville or Loontown. 
 
 And I sez, " Yes it is, Josiah Allen." Sez I, 
 " folks are happier here and more generous, 
 the rich ones seem inclined to help them that 
 need help to a little comfort and happiness. 
 Jest as I have always said, Josiah Allen. 
 When folks are happy they are more inclined 
 to do good." 
 
 " Oh shaw !" sez Josiah. " That never made 
 no difference with me." 
 
Josiah gets Cross. 315 
 
 " What didn't ?" sez I. 
 
 " I'm always good," sez he, and he snapped 
 out the words real snappish, and loud. 
 
 And I sez mildly, " Wall, you needn't bring 
 the ruff down to prove your goodness." 
 
 And' he went on : "I don't see as they are 
 so pesky good here ; I haint seen nothin' of 
 it." 
 
 " Wall," sez I, " when I look over Yaddo, 
 and Hilton Park, it makes me reconciled, 
 Josiah, to have men get rich ; it makes me 
 willin', Josiah." 
 
 And he sez (cross) , He guessed men would 
 get rich whether I wuz willin' or not ; he 
 guessed they wouldn't ask me. 
 
 " Wall, you needn't snap my head off, Josiah 
 
 Allen," sez I, " because I love to see folks use 
 
 their wealth to make -pleasant places for poor 
 
 folks to wander round in, and forget their own 
 
 narrow rocky roads for a spell. It is a noble 
 
 thing to do, Josiah Allen ; they might have 
 
 built high walls round 'em if they had been a 
 
 mind to, and locked the gates and shet out all 
 
 the poor and tired-out ones. But they didn't, 
 20 
 
316 Enough Said. 
 
 and I ain highly tickled at the thought on't, 
 Josiah Allen." 
 
 " Wall, I don't shet up our suger lot, do I ? 
 and I have never heerd you say one word a 
 praisin' me up for that." 
 
 " That is far different, Josiah Allen," sez I, 
 " there is nothin' there that can git hurt, only 
 stumps. And you have never laid out a cent 
 of money on it. And they have spent thou- 
 sands and thousands of dollars, and the poorest 
 little child in Saratoga, if it has beauty-lovin' 
 eyes, can go in and enjoy these places jest as 
 much as the owners can. And it is a sweet 
 thought to me, Josiah Allen." 
 
 "Oh wall," sez he, "you have probable said 
 enough about it." 
 
 Now I never care for the last word, some 
 wimmen do, but I never do. But still I wuzn't 
 goin' to be shet right off from talkin' about 
 these places, and I intimated as much to him, 
 and he said, "Dumb it all ! I could talk about 
 'em all day, if I wanted to, and about Demorist's 
 Woods too." 
 
 "Wall," sez I, "that is another place, 
 
I 
 
 4 
 
 4m 
 
 
 mm mm 
 
 mm ffl 
 
 IMP 
 
 »*© 
 
 
 
 3SS8& 
 
 m i 
 
 ft*rf 
 
 .... ' ^^^^ 
 
 "Have to sec folks use their wealth to make pleasant places for poor folks 
 to wander round in." jiy 
 
.Crazy Doirts. 319 
 
 Josiah Allen, that is a likely well-meanin' spot. 
 Middlin' curius to look at," sez I, reesonably. 
 " It makes one's head feel sort a strange to see 
 them criss-cross, curius poles, and floors up in 
 trees, and ladders, arid teterin' boards, and 
 springs, etc., etc., etc But it is a well-meanin' 
 spot, Josiah Allen. And it highly tickled me 
 to think that the little fresh air children wuz 
 brung up there by the owner of the woods and 
 the poor little creeters, out of their dingy dirty 
 homes, and filthy air, wandered round for one 
 happy day in the green woods, in the fresh air 
 and sunshine. That wuz a likely thing to do, 
 Josiah Allen, and ft raises a man more in my 
 estimation when he's doin' sech things as that, 
 than to set up in a political high chair, and 
 have a lot of dirty hands clapped, and beery 
 breaths a cheerin' him on up the political arena." 
 
 " Oh wall," sez Josiah, "the doin's in them 
 woods is enough to make anybody a dumb 
 lunatick. The .crazyest lookin' lot of stuff" I 
 ever set eyes on." 
 
 " Wall, anyway," sez I, "it is a good crazy, 
 if it is, and a well-meanin' one." 
 
320 JosiaKs Jealousy. 
 
 Oh, how cross Josiah Allen did look as he 
 heerd me say these words. That man can't 
 bear to hear me say one word a praisin' up 
 another man, and it grows on him. 
 
 Oh, how cross Josiah Allen did look as he heerd me say these word*. 
 
 But good land ! I am a goin' to speak out 
 my mind as long as my breath is spared. And 
 I said quite a number of words more about 
 the deep enjoyment it gin me to see these 
 
He is Mollified. 321 
 
 broad, pleasure grounds free for all, rich and 
 poor, bond and free, hombly and handsome, 
 etc., etc. 
 
 And I spoke about the charitable houses, 
 St. Christiana's Home, and the Home for Old 
 Female Wimmen, and mentioned the fact in 
 warm tones of how a good, noble-hearted woman 
 had started that cherity in the first on't. 
 
 And Josiah, while I wuz talkin' about these 
 wimmen, became meak as a lamb. They 
 seemed to quiet him. He looked real molly- 
 fied by the time Ardelia got there, which wuz 
 anon. And then we sot sail for the Kncamp- 
 ment. 
 
 The Encampment is encamped on one end 
 of a big, square, wiid-lookin' lot right back of 
 one of the biggest tarvens in Saratoga. It is 
 jest as wild lookin' and appeerin' a field as 
 there is in the outskirts of Loontown or Jones- 
 ville. Why Uncle Grant Hozzleton's stunny 
 pasture don't look no more sort a broke up 
 and rural than that duz. I wondered . some 
 why they had it there, and then I thought 
 mebby they kep' it to remember Nater by, 
 
322 Nature's Ruder Dresses. 
 
 old Nater herself, that runs a pretty small 
 chance to be thought on in sech a place as 
 this. 
 
 You know there is so much orniment and 
 gildin' and art in the landscape and folks, that 
 mebby they might forget the great mother of 
 us all, that is, right in the thickest of the 
 crowd they might, but they have only to take 
 these few steps and they will see Ma Nater 
 with her every-day dress on, not fixed up a 
 mite. And I s'pose she looks good to 'em. 
 
 I myself think that Mother Nater might 
 smooth herself out a little there with no hurt 
 to herself or her childern. I don't believe in 
 Mas goin' round with their dresses onhooked, 
 and slip-shod, and their hair all stragglin' out 
 of their combs. (I say this in metafor. I 
 don't s'pose Ma Nater ever wore a back comb 
 or had hooks and eyes on her gown ; I say it 
 for oritory, and would wish to be took in a 
 oritorius way.) 
 
 Andl don't say right out, that the reeson I 
 have named is the one why they keep that 
 place a lookin' so like furey, I said, mebby. But 
 
At the Encampment. 323 
 
 I will say this, that it is a wild-lookin' spot, 
 and hombly. 
 
 Wall, on the upper end on't, standin' up on 
 the top of a sort of a hill, the Indian Encamp- 
 ment is encamped. There is a hull row of 
 little stores, and there is swings, and public 
 diversions of different kinds, krokay grounds, 
 etc., etc., etc. 
 
 Wall, Ardelia stopped at one of these stores 
 kep' by a Injun, not a West, but a Bast one, 
 and began to price some wooden bracelets, and 
 try 'em on, and Josiah and me wandered on. 
 
 And anon, we came to a tent with some good 
 verses of Scripter on it ; good so.lid Bible it 
 wuz ; and so I see it wuz a good creeter in 
 there anyway. And I asked a bystander a 
 standin' by, Who wuz in there, and Why, and 
 When? 
 
 And he said it wuz a fortune-teller who 
 would look in the pamm of my hand, and tell 
 me all my fortune that wuz a passin' by. And 
 I said I guessed I would go in, for I would 
 love to know how the childern wuz that morn- 
 in', and whether the baby had got over her 
 
324 You will get Him. 
 
 cold. I hadn't h'eerd from 'em in over tW6 
 Hays. 
 
 Josiah kinder hung round outside though 
 he wuz willin' to have me go in. He%jest wor- 
 ships the childern and the'baby. And he sees 
 the texts from Job on it, with his own eyes. 
 
 So I bid him a affectionate farewell, and we 
 see the woman a lookin' out of the tent and 
 witnessin' on't. But I didn't care. If a pair 
 of companions and a pair of grandparents 
 can't act affectionate, who can ? And the 
 world and the Social Science rneetin' might 
 try in vain to -bring up any reesou why they 
 shouldn't. 
 
 So I went in, with my mind all took up with 
 the grandchildern. But the first words she 
 sez to me wuz, as she looked clost at the 
 pamm of my hand, " Keep up good spirits. 
 Mom ; you will get him in spite of all oppo- 
 sition." 
 
 " Get who?" sez I, "And what?" 
 
 " A man youwant to marry. A small bald- 
 headed man, a amiable-lookin', slender man. 
 His heart is sot on you. And all the efferts 
 
Further Encouragement. 
 
 3^5 
 
 of the light-complected woman in the blue hat 
 will be in vain to break it up. Keep up good 
 
 r*he sec tf» me, as she looked dost at the pamm of my hand, "Keep up 
 eood spirits, Mom; you will get him in spite of all opposition/ 9 
 
 Courage, you will marry him in spite of all," 
 sez she, porin' over my pamm and studyin' it 
 as if it wuz a jography. 
 
325 Broken Lines. 
 
 " For the land's sake 1" sez I, bein' fairly 
 stunted with the idees she promulgated, 
 
 " Yes, you will marry him, and be happy. 
 But you have had a sickness in the past and 
 your line of happiness has been broke once or 
 twice." 
 
 Sez I, " I should think as much ; let a 
 woman live with a man, the best man in the 
 world for 20 years, and if her line of happiness 
 haint broke more than once or twice, why it 
 speaks well for the line, that is all. It is a 
 good, strong line." 
 
 " Then you have been married?" says she. 
 
 il Yes, Mom," sez I. 
 
 "Oh, I see, down in the corner of your hand 
 is a coffin, you are a widow, you have seen 
 trouble. But you will be happy. The mild, 
 bald gentleman will make you happy. He 
 will lead you to the altar in spite of the light- 
 complected woman with the blue hat on." 
 
 Ardelia Tutt had on a blue hat, the idee J 
 But I let her go on. Thinkses I, "I have. paid 
 my money and now it stands me in hand to 
 get the worth on't." So she comferted me up 
 
Wonderful Tales. 327 
 
 with the hope of gettin' my Josiah for quite a 
 spell. 
 
 Gettin' my pardner ! Gettin' the father of 
 mychildern, and the grandparent of my grand- 
 childern ! Jest think on't, will' you ? 
 
 But then she branched off and told me things 
 that wuz truly wonderful. Where and how 
 she got 'em wuz and is a mystery to me. True 
 things, and strange. . 
 
 Why it seemed same as if them tall pines, 
 that wuz a whisperin' together over the En- 
 campment wuz a peerin' over into my past, and 
 a whisperin' it down to her. Or, in some way 
 or other, the truth wuz a bein' filtered down to 
 her comprehension through some avenue be-> 
 yond our sense or sight. 
 
 It is a curius thing, so I think, and so 
 Josiah thinks. We talked it over after I 
 came out, and we wuz a wanderinl on about 
 the Encampment. I told him some of the 
 wonderful things she had told me and he 
 didn't believe it. " For," sez he, " I'll be 
 .hanged if I can understand and I won't be> 
 lieve anything that I can't understand'" 
 
328 Josiah on Jimson Weeds. 
 
 And I pointed with the top of my umberel 
 at a weed growin' by the side of the road, and 
 sez I, " When you tell me jest how that weed 
 draws out of the black ground jest the ingre- 
 dients she needs to make her blue foretop, and 
 her green gown, then I'll tell you all about this 
 secret that Nater holds back from us a spell, 
 but will reveel to us when the time comes." 
 
 " Oh shaW !" sez Josiah, "I guess I know 
 all about a jimsOn weed. Why they grow ; 
 that is all there is about 'them. They grow, 
 dumb 'em. I guess if you'd broke your back 
 as many times as I have a pullin' 'em up, you 
 would know all about 'em. Dumb their dumb 
 picters," sez he, a scowlin' at 'em. 
 
 It wuz the same kind of weed that growed 
 in our onion beds. , I re&gnized it. Them 
 and white daisies, our garden wuz overrun 
 by 'em bofh. 
 
 But I sez, " Can you tell how the little seed 
 of this weed goes down into the earth and 
 selects jest what she wants out of the great 
 storehouse below? She never comes out in a 
 pink head-dress or a yellow gown. No, she 
 
A Startling Szg/zt, 329 
 
 always selects what will make the blue. It 
 shows that it has life, intelligence, or else it 
 couldn't think, way down under the ground, 
 and grope in the dark, but always gropin' jest 
 right, always a thinkin' the right thing,, never, 
 never in the hundreds and thousands of years 
 makin' a mistake. Why, you couldn't do it> 
 Josiah Allen, nor I couldn't. 
 
 " And we set and see these silent mysteries 
 a goin' on right at ouf door-step day by day, 
 and year by year, and think nothin' of it, be- 
 cause it is so common. But if anything else, 
 some new law, some new wonder we don't 
 understand comes in our way, we are ready to 
 reject it and say it is a lie. But you know, 
 Josiah Allen," sez I, jest ready to go on elo- 
 quent — 
 
 But I wuz interrupted jest here by my com- 
 panion hollerin' up in a loud voice to a boy, 
 "Here! you stop that, you young scampi 
 Don't you let me see you a doin' that agin I" 
 
 Sez I, "What is it, Josiah Allen ?" 
 
 "Why look- at them young imps, a throwin' 
 sticks at that feeble old woman, over there." 
 
330 Shameful Abuse. 
 
 I looked, and my own heart wuz rousted up 
 with indignation. I stood where I couldn't see 
 her face, but I see she wuz old, feeble, and 
 bent, a withered poor old creeter, and they had 
 marked up over her, her name, Aunt Sally. 
 
 I too wuz burnin' indignant to see a lot of 
 young creeters a throwin' sticks at her, and I 
 cried out loud, " Do you let Sarah be." 
 
 They turned round and laughed in our faces, 
 and I went on : " I'd be ashamed of myself if 
 I wuz in your places, to be a throwin' sticks 
 at that feeble old woman. Why don't you 
 spend your strengths a tryin' to do sunthin' 
 for her ? Git her a home, and sunthin' to eat, 
 and a better dress. Before I'd do what you 
 are a doin' now, I'd growvel in the dust. Why, 
 if you wuz my boys I'd give you as good a 
 spankin' as you ever had." 
 
 But they jest laughed at us, the impudent 
 creeters. And one of the boys at that minute 
 took up a stick and threw it, and hit Sarah- 
 right on her poor old head. 
 
 Sez Josiah, " Don't you hit Sarah agin." 
 
 Sez the boys, " We will," and two of 'em 
 
Josiah Plunges into Acuon. 333 
 
 hit her ai one time. And one of 'em knocked 
 the pijie light out of her mouth. She wuz a 
 smoking poor old creeter. I s'pose that wuz 
 all the comfeit she took. But did them little 
 imps care ? They knocked her as if they hated 
 "•he sight of her. And my Josiah (I wuz proud 
 of that man) jest advanced onto 'em, and took 
 'em one in each hand; and gin 'em.sech a 
 shakin', that I most expected to see their bones 
 drop out, and sez he between each shake, 
 " Will you let Sarah alone now ?" 
 
 I was proud of my Josiah, but fearful of the 
 effect of so much voyalence onto his constitu- 
 tion, and also onto the boys' frames. And" I 
 advanced onto the seen of carnage and besought 
 him> to be calm. Sez he, "I won't be calm!" 
 sez he, " I haint the man, Samantha, to stand 
 by and see one of your sect throwed at, as I 
 have .seen Sarah throwed at, without avengin' 
 of it." 
 
 And agin he shook them boys with a ve- 
 hemence. The pennies and marbles in their 
 pockets rattled and their bones seemed ready 
 to part asunder. I wuz proud of that noble 
 
334 
 
 Satisfactory Explanation. 
 
 man> my pardner. But still I knew that if their 
 bones wuz shattered my pardner would be 
 avenged upon by incensed parents. And I sez, 
 
 "I'd let 'em go 
 now, Josiah. I 
 don't believe 
 they'll ever harm 
 Sarah agin." £>ez 
 I, " Boys, you 
 ■won't, will you 
 ever strike a poor 
 feeble old woman 
 agin?" Sez I, 
 "promise me boys, 
 not to hurt Sarah. ' ' 
 I don't know 
 what the effect of 
 my words would 
 have been, but a 
 man came up jest 
 then and explain- 
 ed to me, that Aunt Sally wuz a image that 
 they throwed at for one cent apiece to see if 
 they could 'break her pipe. 
 
 And agin he shook them boys with a 
 vehemence. 
 
Uncle Sam and Aunt Sally. 335 
 
 I see how it wuz, and cooled' right down and 
 so did Josiah. And he gin the boys five cents 
 apiece and quiet rained down on the Encamp- 
 ment. 
 
 But I sez to the man, " I don't like the idee 
 of havin' my sect throwed at from day to day, 
 and week to week." Sez I, " Why didn't you 
 have a man fixed up to throw at, why didn't 
 you have a Uncle Sam ?" Sez I, " I don't over 
 and above like it ; it seems to be a sort of a 
 slight onto my sect." 
 
 Sez the man winkin' kinder sly at Josiah, 
 " It won't do to make fun of men, men have 
 the power in their hands and would resent it 
 mebby. Uncle Sam can't be used jest like 
 Aunt Sally." 
 
 Sez I, "That haint the right spirit. There 
 haint nothin' over and above noble in that, 
 and manly." 
 
 I wuz kinder rousted up about it, and so 
 wuz Josiah. And that is I s'pose the reasun 
 of his bein' so voyalent, at the next place of 
 recreation we halted at. Josiah see the picture 
 of the mermaid ; that beautiful female, a settin' 
 
336 The Mermaid of Fancy. 
 
 < 
 
 on the rock and combin' her long golden hair. 
 And he proposed that we should go in and see it. 
 
 Sez I, "It costs ten cents apiece, Josiah 
 Allen. Think of the cost before it is too late." 
 Sez I, " Your expenditure of money to-day has 
 been unusial." Sez I, " The sum of ten cents 
 has jest been raised by you for noble principles, 
 and I honer you for it. But still the money 
 has gone." Sez I, " Do you feel able to incur 
 the entire expense ?" 
 
 Sez he, " All my life, Samantha, I have jest 
 hankered after seein' a mermaid. Them beau- 
 tiful creeters, a settin' and combin' their long 
 golden tresses. I feel that I must see it. I 
 fairly long to see one of them beautiful, lovely 
 bein's before I die." 
 
 "Wall," sez I, "If you feel like that, Josiah 
 Allen, it is fur from me to balk you in your, 
 search for beauty. I too admire loveliness, 
 Josiah Allen, and seek after it." And sez I, 
 " I will faithfully follow at your side, and to- 
 gether we will bask in the rays of beauty, to- 
 gether will we be lifted up and inspired by the 
 immortal spirit of loveliness." 
 
Towering tVraih. 337 
 
 So payin' our 30 cents we advanced tip the 
 steps, I expectin' soon to be made happy, and 
 Josiah held up by the expectation of soon 
 havin' his eyes blest by that vision of enchant- 
 in' beauty, he had so long dremp of. 
 
 He advanced onto the pen first and before 
 I even glanced down into the deep where as I 
 s'posed she set on a rock a combin' out her 
 long golden hair, a singin' her lurin' and en- 
 chanted song, to distant mariners she had 
 known, and to the one who wuz a showin' of 
 her off, — before I had time to even glance at 
 her, the maid, I wuz dumbfounded and stood 
 agast, at the mighty change that came over 
 my pardner's linement. 
 
 He towered up in grandeur and in wrath be- 
 fore me. He seemed almost like a offended 
 male fowl when ravenin' hawks are angerin' 
 of it beyond its strength to endure. I don't 
 like that metafor ; I don't love to compare my 
 pardner to any fowl, wild or tame ; but my 
 frenzied haste to describe the fearful seen must 
 be my excuse, and also my agitation in re. 
 callin' of it. 
 
33« 
 
 Fierce Demands. 
 
 He towered up, he fluttered so to speak 
 majestically, and he sez in loud wild axents 
 that must have struck terror to the soul of that 
 mariner, " Where is the hair-comb ?" 
 
 And then he shook his fist in the face 
 
 -mill)': 
 
 15 
 
 MERMAID 
 
 StoRY! 
 
 of that mariner, and 
 cries out once agin, 
 "Where is them 
 long, golden tresses? 
 Bring 'em on this in- 
 stant! Fetch on that 
 hair-comb, in a min- 
 ute's time, or I'll prosecute you, and sue you, 
 and take the law to you ! " 
 
 The mariner quailed before him and sez I, 
 " My deaf pardner, be calm ! Be calm !" 
 
 He shook his fist in the face of that 
 mariner, and cries out once agin, 
 "Where is them long, golden 
 tresses ?" 
 
Josiah Rages. 339 
 
 " I won't be calm !" 
 
 Sez I mildly, but firmly, " You must, Josiah 
 Allen ; you must ! or you will break open 
 your own chest. You must be calm." 
 
 "And I tell you I won't be calm. And I 
 tell you," sez he, a turnin' to that destracted 
 mariner- agin, " I tell you to bring on that comb 
 .and that long hair, this instant. Do you s'pose 
 I'm goin' to pay out my money to see that 
 rack-a-bone that I wouldn't have a layin' out in 
 my barn-yard for fear of scerin' the dumb scere- 
 crows out in the lot. Do you s'pose I'm goin' 
 to pay out my money for seein' that dried up 
 mummy of the hombliest thing ever made on 
 earth, the dumbdest, hombliest ; with 3 or 3 
 horse hairs pasted onto its yeller old shell ? 
 Do you s'pose I'm goin' to be cheated by seein* 
 that, into thinkin' it is a beautiful creeter 
 a playin' and.combin' her hair? Bring od 
 that beautiful creeter a combin' out her long, 
 golden hair this instant, and bring out the 
 comb and I'll give you five minutes to do 
 it in." 
 » He wuz hoorse with emotion, and he.wuz 
 
340 The Mermaid of Reality. 
 
 pale round his lips as anything and his eyes 
 under his forward looked glassy. I wiiz fear- 
 ful of the result. Thinkses I, I will look and 
 see what has wrecked my pardner's happiness 
 and almost reasen. I looked in and I see 
 plain that his agitation wuz nothin' to be 
 wondered at. It did truly seem to be the 
 hombliest, frightfulest lookin' little thing that 
 wuz ever made by a benignant Providence or 
 a taxy-dermis. I couldn't tell which made it. 
 I see it all, but I see also, so firm «ot is my 
 reasun onto its high throne on my heart, I see 
 that to preserve my pardner's sanity, I must 
 control my reasun at the sight that had tot- 
 tered my pardner's. 
 
 I turned to him, and tried to calm the seeth- 
 in' waters, but he loudly called for the comb, 
 and for the tresses, and the lookin' glass. And, 
 askin' in a wild sarcastic way where the song 
 wuz that she sung to mariners ? And hollerin' 
 for him to bring on that rock, at that minute, 
 and them mariners, and ordered him to set her 
 to singin'. 
 
 The idee ! of that little skeletin with her 
 
Desperate Means Employed. 341 
 
 skinny lips drawed back from her shinin' fish 
 teeth, a singin'. The idee on't ! 
 
 But truly, he wuz destracted and knew not 
 what he did. The mariner in charge looked 
 destracted. And the bystanders a standin' by 
 wuz amazed, and horrowfied by the spectacle 
 of his actin' and behavin'. And I knew not 
 how I should termonate the seen, and with- 
 draw him away from where he wuz. 
 
 But in my destraction and agony of sole, I 
 bethought me of one meens of quietin' him 
 and as it were terrifyin' him into silence and 
 be the meens of gettin' on him to leave the 
 seen. I begoned to Ardelia to come forward 
 and I sez in' a whisper to her, " Take out your 
 pencil and a piece of paper and stand up in 
 front of him and go to writin' some of your 
 poetry." 
 
 And then I sez agin in tender axents, " Be 
 calm, Josiah." 
 
 " And I tell you that I won't be calm ! And 
 I tell you, a shakin' his fist at that pale mar- 
 iner, I tell you to bring out " 
 
 . A t that very minute he turned his eyes onto 
 
342 Poetry Appeases Him. 
 
 Ardelia, who stood with a kind of a fur-away 
 look in her eyes in front of him with thepapei 
 in her hand, and sez he to me, "What is shft 
 doin' ?" 
 
 She is composin' some poetry onto you, 
 Josiah Allen," sez I, in tremblin' axents; for 
 I felt that if that skeme failed, I wuz undone, 
 for I knew I had no ingredients there to get 
 him a extra good meal. No, I felt that my 
 tried and. true weepon wuz fur away, and this 
 wuz my last hope. • 
 
 But as I thought these thoughts with al- 
 most a heat-lightnin' rapidety, I see a change 
 in his liniment. It did not look so thick 
 and dark ; it began to look more natural and 
 clear. 
 
 And sez he in the same old way I have 
 hcerd him say it so many times, " Dumb it all! 
 What duz she want to write poetry on me for? 
 It is time to go home." And so sayin', he 
 almost tore us from the seen. 
 
 I gin Ardelia that night 2 yards of lute- 
 string ribbon, a light pink, and didn't begrech 
 it. But I have never dast, not in his trust 
 
A Forbidden Word. 
 
 343 
 
 placid and serene moments— I have never dast, 
 to say the word " Mermaid" to him. 
 
 Truly there is something that the boldest 
 female pardner dassent do. Mermaids is one 
 of the things I don't dast to bring up. No I 
 no, fur be it from me to say " Mermaid" to 
 Josiah Allen. 
 
xm 
 
 A DRIVE TO SARATOGA LAKE. 
 
 |OSIAH and me took a short drive 
 this afternoon, he hirin' a buggy 
 for the occasion. He called it 
 " goin' in his own conveniance," 
 and I didn't say nothin' aginst 
 his callin' it so. I didn't break it up for this 
 reasun, thinkses I it is a convenience for us 
 to ride in it ; for us 2 tried and true souls to 
 get off for a minute by ourselves. 
 244 
 
JosiaWs Extra Goodness. 345 
 
 Wall, Josiah wuz dretful good behaved this 
 afternoon. He helped me in a good deal politer 
 than usual and tucked the bright lap-robe 
 almost tenderly round my form. 
 
 Men do have sech spells. They are dretful 
 good actin' at times. Why they act better 
 and more subdueder and mellerer at some times 
 than at others, is a deep subject which we 
 mortals cannot as yet fully understand. Also 
 visey versey, their cross, up headeder times, 
 over bearin' and actin'. It is a deep sub- 
 ject and one freighted with a great deal of 
 freight. 
 
 But Josiah's goodness on this afternoon 
 almost reached the Scripteral and he sez, when 
 we first sot out, and I see that the horse's head 
 wuz turned towards the Lake. Sez he, " I 
 guess, we'll go to the Lake, but where do you 
 want to go, Samantha ? I will go anywhere 
 you want to go." 
 
 And he still drove almost recklessly on lake- 
 wards. And sez he, " We had better go straight 
 on, but say the word, and 3^011 can go jest 
 where you want to." And he urged the horse 
 
346 Riding On. 
 
 on to still greater speed. And lie sez agin, 
 "Do you want to go any particular place, 
 Samantha?" 
 
 " Yes," sez I, " I had jest as leves go there 
 as not." 
 
 . " Wall, I knew there would be where you 
 would want to go." And he drove on at a good 
 jog. But no better jog than we had been a 
 goin' on. 
 
 Wall, the weather wuz delightful. It wuz 
 soft and balmy. And my feelin's towerd my 
 pardner (owin' to his linement) wuz soft and 
 balmy as the air. And so we moved onwards, 
 past the home of one who wuz true to his 
 country, when all round him wiiz false, who 
 governed his state wisely and well, held the 
 lines firm, when she wuz balky, and would 
 have been glad to take the lines in her teeth and 
 run away onto ruin ; past the big grand houso 
 of him who carried a piece of our American 
 justice way off into Egypt and carried it firm 
 and square too right there in the dark. I s'pose 
 it is dark. I have always hearn about its bein' 
 as dark as Egypt. Wall, anyway he is a good 
 
Saratoga Lake. 347 
 
 lookin' man. They both on 'em are and 
 Josiah admitted it — after some words. 
 
 Wall anon, or perhaps a little after, we came 
 to where we could see the face of Beautiful 
 Saratoga Lake, layin' a smilin' up into the 
 skies. A little white cloud wuz a restin' up on 
 the top of the tree-covered mountain that riz 
 up on one side of the lake, and I felt that it 
 might be the shadow form of the sacred dove 
 Saderrosseros a broodin' down over the waters 
 she loved. 
 
 That she loved still, though another race 
 wuz a bathin' their weary forwards in the tide. 
 And I wondered as I looked down on it, whe- 
 ther the great heart of the water wuz constant; 
 if it ever heaved up into deep sithes a thinkin' 
 of the one who had passed away, of them who 
 once rested lightly on her bosem, bathed their 
 dark forwards and read the meanin' of the 
 heavens, in the moon and stars reflected there. 
 
 I don't know as she remembered 'em, and 
 Josiah don't. But I know as we stood there, 
 a lookin' down on her, the lake seemed to 
 give a sort of a sithe and a shiver kind a run 
 
348 Serene and Calm. 
 
 over her, not a cold shiver exactly, but a sort 
 of a shinin', glorified shiver. I see it a comin' 
 from way out on. the lake and it swept and sort 
 a shivered on clean to the shore, and melted 
 away there at our feet. Mebby it wuz a sort 
 o' sithe, and mebby agin it wuzn't. 
 
 I guess it felt that it wuz all right, that a 
 fairer race had brought fairer customs and 
 habits of thoughts, and the change wuz not a 
 bad one. I guess she looked forward to the 
 time when a still grander race should look 
 down into her shinin' face, a race of free men, 
 and free wimmen ; sons and daughters of God, 
 who should hold their birthright so grandly 
 and nobly that they will look back upon the 
 people of to-day, as we look back upon the 
 dark sons and daughters of the forest, in pity 
 and dolor. 
 
 I guess -she thought it wuz all right., Any 
 way she acted as if she did. She looked real 
 sort o' serene and calm as we left her, and sort 
 o' prophetic too, and glowin'. 
 
 Wall, we went by a long first rate lookin' 
 sor* »f a jarven, I guess. It wuz a kind of a 
 
BiSi 
 
 W^tWt 
 
 
 m 
 
 
 mm, I 
 
 -#*■: 
 
 
 1 I 11 ! 
 
A "Uneek" Barn. 351 
 
 dark red color, and dretfully flowered off in 
 wood— red wood. And there we see standin' 
 near the house, a great big round sort of a 
 buildin', and my Josiah sez, 
 
 " There ! that is a buildin' I like the looks 
 »n. That is a barn I like; built perfectly 
 found. That is sunthin' uneek. I'll have 
 a barn like that if I live. I fairly love that 
 barn. And he stopped the horse stun still to 
 look at it. 
 
 And I sez in sort o' cool tones, not entirely 
 cold, but coolish : " What under the sun do 
 you want with a round barn ? And you don't 
 need another one." 
 
 " Wall, I don't exactly need it, Samantha, 
 but it would be a comfert to me to own one. I 
 should dearly love a round barn." 
 
 And he went on pensively, — " I wonder how 
 much it would cost. I wouldn't have it quite 
 so big as this is. I'd have it for a horse barn, 
 Samantha. It would look so fashionable, and 
 genteel. Think what it would be, Samantha, 
 to keep our old mair in a round barn, why the 
 mair would renew her age." 
 
 22 
 
353 
 
 The "Old Marts" Ways. 
 
 " She wouldn't pay no attention to it," sez 
 I. " She knows too much." And I added in 
 cooler, more dignifieder tones, but dretful 
 meanin' ones, " The old mair, Josiah Allen, 
 
 "Think what it would be, Samantha, to keep our old mair in 
 a round barn." 
 
 don't run after every new fancy she hears on. 
 She don't try to be fashionable, and she haint 
 high-headed, except," sez I reasenably, "when 
 you check her up too much." 
 
 Wall," sez he, " I am bound to make som» 
 
California Trees. 353 
 
 enquiries. Hello!" sez he to a bystander a 
 comin' by. "Have you any idee what such a 
 barn as that would cost? A little smaller one, 
 I don't need so big a one. How many feet of 
 lumber do you s'pose it would take for it ? I 
 ask you," sez he, " as between man and man." 
 
 I nudged him there, for as I have said, I 
 didn't believe then, and I don't believe now, 
 that he or any other man ever knew or mis- 
 trusted what they meant by that term "as 
 between man and man." I think it sounds 
 kind o' flat, and I always oppose Josiah's usin' 
 it ; he loves it. 
 
 Wall, the man broke out a laughin' and sez 
 he, " That haint a barn, that is a tree." 
 
 "A tree !" sez I, a sort a cranin' my' neck 
 forward in deep amaze. And what exclamation 
 Josiah Allen made, I will not be coaxed into 
 revealin' ; no, it is better not. 
 
 But suffice it to say that after a long ex- 
 planation my companion at last gin in that 
 the man wuz a tellin' the truth, and it wuz the 
 lower part of a tree-trunk, that growed once 
 near the Yo Semity valley of California. 
 
354 H e F e tt Meackzn*. 
 
 Good land ! good land ! 
 
 Josiah drove on quick after the man ex« 
 plained it, lie felt meachin', but I didn't notice 
 his linement so much, I wuz so deep in thought, 
 and a wonderin' about it ; a wonderin' how the 
 old tree felt with her feet a restin' here on a 
 strange soil — her withered, dry old feet a stand- 
 in' here, as if J est ready to walk away, restless 
 like and feverish, a wantin' to get back by the 
 rushin' river that used to bathe them feet in 
 the spring overflow of the pure cold mountain 
 water. It seemed to me she felt she wuz a 
 alien, as if she missed her strong sturdy grand 
 old body, her lofty head that used to peer up 
 over the mountains, and as if some day she 
 wuz a goin' to set off a walkin' back, a tryin' 
 to find 'em. 
 
 I thought of how it had towered up, how the 
 sun had kissed its branches, how the birds had 
 sung and built their nests against* her green 
 heart, hovered in her great outstretched arms. 
 The birds of a century, the birds of a thousand 
 years. How the storms had beat" upon her; 
 the first autumn rains of a thousand years, the 
 
What May Have Been. 355 
 
 first snow flakes that had wavered down in a 
 slantin' line and touched the tips of her out- 
 stretched fingers, and then had drifted about 
 her till her heart wuz almost frozen and she 
 would clap her cold hands together to warm 
 'em, and wail out a dretful moanin' sound' of 
 desolation, and pain. 
 
 But the first warm rain drops of spring 
 would come. The sunshine warmed her, she 
 swung out her grand arms in triumph agin, 
 and joined the majestic psalm of victory and 
 rejoicing with all her grand sisterhood of 
 psalmists. The stars looked down on her, the 
 sun lit her lofty forward, the suns and stars 
 of a thousand years. Strange animals, that 
 mebby we don't know anything about now, 
 roamed about her feet, birds of a different 
 plumage and song sung to her (mebby) . 
 
 Strange faces of men and wimmen looked 
 up to her. What faces had looked up to her 
 in sorrow and in joy ? I'd gin a good deal to 
 know. I'd have loved to see them strange 
 faces touched with strange pains and hopes. 
 Tribulations and joys of a thousand years 
 
356 The Race Course. 
 
 ago. What sort of tribulations wuz they, and 
 what sort of joys ? Sunthin' human, sunthin' 
 that we hold in common, no doubt. The same 
 pain that pained Eve as she walked down out 
 of Eden, the same joy that Adam enjoyed 
 while they and the garden wuz prosperus, wuz 
 in their faces most probable whether their for- 
 wards wuz pinted or broad, their faces black, 
 copper colored, or white. 
 
 And the changes, the changes of a thousand 
 years, all "these the old tree had seen, and I re- 
 spected her dry dusty old feet and wuz sorry 
 for 'em. And I reveryedon the subject more'n 
 half the way home, and couldn't help it. Any 
 way my revery lasted till jest before we got to 
 the big gate of the Race Course. And right 
 there, right in front of them big ornamental 
 doors, we see Miss G. Washington Flamm, 
 with about a thousand other carriages and 
 wagons and Tally ho's and etcetry, and etcetry. 
 Josiah thinks there wuz .a million teams, but I 
 don't. I am mejum ; there wuzn't probable 
 over a thousand right there in the road. 
 
 Miss Flamm recognized us and asked us if 
 
About • thousand other carriages and wagons and Tally 
 and etcetery, 
 
 1ST 
 
Amid the Crowds. 359 
 
 we didn't want to go in. Wall, Josiah wuz 
 agreeable to the idee and said so. And then 
 she said stmthin' to the man that tended to the 
 gate, probably sunthin' in our praise, and 
 handed him suthin', it might have been a ten 
 cent piece, for all I know. 
 
 But anyway he wuz dretful polite to us, and 
 let us through. And my land ! if it wuzn't a 
 sight to behold ! Of all the big roomy places 
 I ever see all filled with vehicles of all shapes 
 and sizes and folks on foot and big high plat- 
 forms, all filled with men and wimmen and 
 children ! And Josiah sez to me, " I thought 
 the hull dumb world wuz there outside in the 
 road, and here there is ten times as many in 
 here." 
 
 And I sez, " Yes, Josiah be careful and not 
 lose me, for I feel like a needle in a hay 
 mow." 
 
 He looked down on me and sort a smiled. I 
 
 s'pose it wuz because I compared myself to a 
 
 needle, and he sez, " A cambric needle, or a 
 
 darnin' needle ?" 
 
 _ And I sez, " I wouldn't laugh in such a time 
 
$6o Goiri like Lightnir?. 
 
 is this, Josiah Allen." Sez I, " Do jest loot 
 »ver there on the race course." 
 
 And it wuz a thrillin' seen. It wuz a place 
 big enough for all the horses of our land to 
 run round in and from Phario's horses down 
 to them of the present time. And beautiful 
 broad smooth roads cut in the green velvet of 
 the grass, and horses goin' round jest • like 
 lightnin', with little light buggys hitched to 
 'em, some like the quiver on sheet lightnin' 
 (only different shape) and men a drivin' 'em. 
 
 And then there wuz a broad beautiful race 
 course with little eluster-s of trees and bushes, 
 every little while right in the road, and if 
 you'll believe it, I don't s'pose you will, but it 
 is the livin' truth, when them horses, goin' jest 
 like a flash of light, with little boys all dressed 
 in gay colors a ridin' 'em— when them horses 
 came to them trees instid of goin' round 'em, 
 or pushin' in between 'em, or goin' back -agin, 
 they jumped right over 'em. I don't s'pose this 
 will be believed by lots of folks in Jonesville 
 and Loontown, but it is the truth, for I see it 
 with both my eyes. Josiah riz right up in th* 
 
A Steeple Chase. 361 
 
 buggy and cheered jest as the rest of 'em did, 
 entirely unbeknown to himself, so he said, to 
 see it a goin' on. 
 
 Why he got nearly rampant with excite- 
 ment. And so did I, though I wouldn't want 
 it known by Tirzah Ann's husband's folks and 
 others in Jonesville. They call it " steeple 
 chasin'," so if they should heer on't, it wouldn't 
 sound so very wicked any way. I should 
 probable tell 'em if they said too much, " That 
 it wuz a pity if folks couldn't get interested 
 in a steeple and chase it up. But between you 
 and me I didn't see no sign of a steeple, nor 
 meetin' house, nor nuthin'. I s'pose they gin 
 it that name to make it seem more righter to 
 perfessors. I kuow it wuz a great comfert to 
 me. (But I don't think they chased a steeple, 
 and Josiah don't, for we think we should have 
 seen it if they had.) 
 
 Wall, as I say, we wuz both dretfully inter- 
 ested, excited, and wrought up, I s'pose I ort to 
 say, when a chap accosted me and says to me 
 sunthin' about buyin' a pool. And I shook my 
 head and sez, "No I don't want to buy no pool.'* 
 
362 Buying a Pool. 
 
 But he kep' on a talkin' and a urgin', and 
 sez, " Wont you buy a French pool, mom, you 
 can make lots of money out of it." 
 
 " A pool," sez I in dignified axents, and 
 some stern, for I wuz weary with his importu* 
 nities. " What do I want a pool for ? Don't 
 you s'pose there is any pools in Jonesville, 
 and I never thought nothin' on 'em, I always 
 preferred runnin' water. But if I wuz a goin' 
 to buy one, what under the sun do you s'pose 
 I would buy one way off here for, hundreds of 
 miles from Jonesville ?" 
 
 " I might possibly," sez I, not wantin' to 
 hurt his feelin's and tryin' to think of some 
 use I could put it to, "I might if you had a 
 good small American pool, that wuz a sellin' 
 cheap, and I could have it set right in our 
 back yard, clost to the horse barn, why I might 
 possibly try to make a dicker with you for it. 
 I might use it for raisin' ducks and geese, 
 though I'd rather have a runnin' stream then. 
 But how under the sun you think I could take a 
 pool home on a tower, how I could pack it, or 
 transport it, or drive it home is a mystery to me." 
 
Pools or Ponds. 363 
 
 Agin he sez mechinecally, " I,ots of wim* 
 men do get 'em." 
 
 " Wall, some wimmen," sez I mildly, for I see 
 he wuz a lookin' at me perfectly d uabfound- 
 ered. I see I wuz fairly stuntin' him with my 
 eloquence. " Some wimmen will buy any- 
 thing if it has a French name to it. But I 
 prefer my own country, land or water. . And 
 some wimmen," sez I, " will buy anything- if 
 they can get it cheap, things they don't need, 
 and would be better off without, from a eli- 
 phant down to a magnificent, nothin' to call 
 husband. They'll buy any worthless and 
 troublesome thing jest get 'em to goin'. Now 
 such wimmen would- jest jump at that pool. 
 But that haint my way. No, I don't want to 
 purchase your pool." 
 
 Sez he, " You are mistaken, mom!" 
 
 "No I haint," sez I firmly and with de- 
 cesion. " No I haint. I don't need no pool. 
 It wouldn't do me no good to keep it on my 
 hands, and I haint no notion of settin' up in 
 the pool or pond business, at my age." 
 
 " And then," sez I reasonably, " the canal 
 
364 Her Dignity Aroused. 
 
 runs jest down below our orchard, and if we 
 run short, we could get all the water we wanted 
 from there. And we have got two good cis- 
 terns and a well on the place." 
 
 Sez he, " What I mean is, bettin' on ahorse. 
 Do you want to bet on which horse will go the 
 fastest, the black one or the bay one ?" 
 
 " No," sez I, " I don't want to bet." 
 
 But he kep' on a urgin' me, and thinkin' I 
 had disappinted him in. sellin' a pool, or 
 rather pond, I thought it wouldn't hurt me 
 to kinder gin in to him in this, so I sez mildly, 
 " Bettin' is sunthin' I don't believe in, but 
 seein' I have disappinted you in sellin' your 
 water power, I don't know as it would be wicked 
 to humor you in this and say it to please you. 
 You say the bay horse is the best, so I'll say 
 for jest this once — There ! I'll bet the bay 
 one will go the best." 
 
 " Where is ,your money ?" sez he. " It is 
 five dollars for a bet. You pay five dollars 
 and you have a chance to get back mebby 
 too." 
 
 I riz right up in feerful dignity, and the 
 
I (U right up In fotrfat dignity, and I sex to him, " Oamblln' I" 
 
 363 
 
Leaving in Disgust. 367 
 
 buggy and I sez that one feerful word to him, 
 " Gamblin' !" He sort a quailed. But sez he, 
 " you had better take a five dollar chance on 
 the bay horse." 
 
 " No," sez I, with a freezin' coldness, that 
 must have made his ears fairly tingle it wuz 
 so cold, " no, I shall not gamble, neither on 
 foot, nor on horseback." 
 
 Then I sot down and I sez in the same lofty 
 tones to Josiah Allen, " Drive on, Josiah, in- 
 stantly and to once." 
 
 He too had heerd the fearful word and his 
 princeples too wuz rousted up. He driv right 
 on rapidly, out of the gate and into the high* 
 way. But as he druv on fast and almost furius 
 I heerd him murmur words to himself, that 
 accounted for his eager looks while the 
 man wuz dickerin' about the pool. He sez, 
 " It is dumb hard work pumpin' water for so 
 many head of cattle." He thought a pool would 
 come handy, so I see. But it wuz all done and 
 I would have done the same thing if it wuz to 
 do over agin so I didn't say no thin', but kep f 
 a serene silence, and let him drive along in 
 23 
 
368 Two Sweeping Tides. 
 
 quiet ; and anon, I see the turbelence of his 
 feelin's subsided in a measure. 
 
 It wuz a gettin' along towards sundown and 
 the air wuz a growin' cool and balmy, as if it 
 wuz a blowin' over some balm flowers, and we 
 begun to feel quite well in our minds, though 
 the crowd in the road wuz too big for comfeit. 
 The crowd of carriages and horses, and vehicles' 
 of all kinds,- seemed to go in two big full 
 rows or streams, one a goin' down on one 
 side of the road, and the other a goin' up on 
 the other. So the 2 tides swept past each 
 other constantly — but the bubbles on the tide 
 wuzn't foam but feathers, and bows, and laces, 
 and parasols, and buttons, and diamonds, and 
 etcetry, etcetry, etcetry. 
 
 And all of a sudden myjosiah jest turned 
 into a big gate that wuz a standin' wide open 
 and we drove into a beautiful quiet road that 
 went a windin' in under the shadows of the tall 
 grand old trees. He did it without askin' my 
 advice or sayin' a word to me. But I wuzn't 
 sorry. Fur it wuz beautiful in there. It seemed 
 as if we had left small cares and vexations and 
 
Beautiful Drives. 369 
 
 worryments out there in the road and dust, and 
 took in with us only repose, and calmness, and 
 peace, and they wuz a journey in' along with 
 us on the smooth road under the great trees, a 
 bendin' down on each side on us. And pretty 
 soon we came to a beautiful piece of water 
 crossed by a rustich bridge, and all surrounded 
 by green trees on every side. Then up on the 
 broad road agin, sweepin' round a curve where 
 we could see a little ways off a great mansion 
 with a wall built high round it as if to shet in 
 the repose and sweet home-life and shet out 
 intrusion, sort a protect it from the too curius 
 glances of a curius generation. Some as I hold 
 my hand up before my face to keep off the too 
 scorchin' rays of the sun, when I am a lookin' 
 down the western road for my Josiah. 
 
 It wuz a good lookin' spot as I ever want to 
 see, sheltered, quiet and lovely. But we left it 
 behind us as we rode onwards, till we came 
 out along another broad piece of the water, 
 and we rode along by the side of it for some 
 time. 
 
 Beautiful water with the trees growin' up on 
 
370 
 
 Homeward Bound. 
 
 every side of it, and their shadows reflected sc 
 clearly in the shinin' surface, that they seemed 
 to be trees a growin' downwards, tall grand 
 trees, wavin' branches, goin' down . into the 
 water and livin agin in another world, — a more 
 beautiful one. 
 
 The sun wuz a gettin' low and piles of clouds 
 wuz in the west and all their light wuz reflected 
 in the calm water. And the beautiful soft 
 shadows rested there on that rosy and golden 
 light, some like the shadow of a, beautiful and 
 sorrowful memory, a restin' down and reposin' 
 on a divine hope, an infinite sweetness. 
 
XIII. 
 
 VISITS TO NOTABLE PLACES. 
 
 T is a perfect sight to behold, to set 
 on the piazzas at Saratoga, and see 
 the folks a goin' past. 
 
 .Now in Jonesville, when there 
 wuz a 4th of'July, or camp-meetin}, 
 or sunthin' of that kind a goin' on, why, I 
 thought I had seen the streets pretty full. 
 Why, I had counted as many as seven teams 
 in the road at one time, and I had thought 
 that wuz pretty lively times. But good land! 
 Good land ! You would have gin up in ten 
 
 371 
 
372 A Giddy Whirl. 
 
 minutes time here, that you had nevei seen a 
 team (as it were). 
 
 Why I call my head a pretty sound one, but 
 I declare, it did fairly make my head swim to 
 set there kinder late in the afternoon, and see 
 the drivin' a goin' on. See the carriages a goin' 
 this way, and a goin' that way ; horses of all 
 colers, and men and wimmen of all colers, and 
 parasols of all colers, and hats, and bonnets, 
 and parasols, and satins, and laces, and rib- 
 bins, and buttons, and dogs, and flowers, and 
 plumes, and parasols. And horses a turnin' 
 out to go by, and horses havin' gone by, and 
 horses that hadn't gone by. And big carriages 
 with folks inside all dressed up in every colel 
 of the rain beaux. And elligent gentlemen 
 dressed perfectly splendid, a settin' up straight 
 behind. With thin yellow legs, or stripes 
 down the side on 'em, and their hats all 
 trimmed off with ornements and buttons up 
 and down their backs. 
 
 Haughty creeters they wuz, I make no 
 doubt. They showed it in their looks. But 
 I never loved so much dress in a man. And 
 
On the Piazzas. 373 
 
 I would jest as soon have told them so, as to 
 tell yon. I haint one to say things to a man's 
 back that I won't say to his face, whether it be 
 a plain back or buttoned. 
 
 Wall, as I say, it wuz a dizzy sigbt to set 
 there on tbem piazzas and see the seemin'ly 
 endless crowd a goin' by ; back and forth, back 
 and forth ; to and fro, to and fro. I didn't en. 
 joy it so much as some did, though for a few 
 minutes at a time I looked upon it as a sort of 
 a recreation, some like a circus, only more 
 wilder. 
 
 But some folks enjoyed it dretfully. Yes, 
 they set a great deal on piazzas at Saratoga. 
 And when I say set on 'em, I mean they set a 
 great store on 'em, and they set on 'em a great 
 deal. Some folks set on 'em so much, that I 
 called them setters. Real likely creeters they 
 are too, some on 'em, and handsome ; some 
 pious, sober ones, some sort a gay. Some not 
 married at all, and some married a good deal, 
 and when I say a good deal I meen, they have 
 had various companions and lost 'em. 
 
 Now there wuz one woman that I liked 
 
374 Mingled Recollections. 
 
 quite well. She had had 4 husbands countin' 
 in the present one. She wuz a good lookin' 
 woman and had seen trouble. It stands to 
 reeson she had with 4 husbands. Good land ! 
 
 She showed me one day a ring she wore. 
 She had took the weddin' rings of her 4 pard- 
 ners and had 'em all run together, and the 
 initials of their first names carved inside on it. 
 Her first husband's name wuz Franklin, her 
 next two wuz Orville and Obed, and her last 
 and livin' one Lyman. Wall, she ment well, 
 but she never see what would be the end on't 
 and how it would read till she had got their 
 initials all carved but on it. 
 
 She wuz dretfully worked up about it, but I 
 see that it wuz right. For nobody but a fool 
 would want to run all these recollections and 
 memories together, all the different essocia- 
 tions and emotions, that must cluster round 
 each of them rings. The idee, of runnin' 'em 
 all together with the livin' one ! It wuz actin' 
 like a fool and it seemed fairly providential 
 that their names run in jest that way. 
 
 Why, if I had had a husbands, or even 4, 1 
 
The Separate- Policy : 
 
 375 
 
 should want to keep 'em apart— settin' up in 
 high chairs on different sides of my heart. 
 Why, if I'd had 4, I'd have 'em to the different 
 pints of the compass, east, west, north, south, 
 as far apart from each other as my heart would 
 
 She showed me one day a ring she wore. 
 
 admit of. Ketch me a lumpin' in all the pre- 
 cious memories of my Josiah with them of any 
 other man, bond or free, Jew or Genteel ; no, 
 and I'd refrain from tellin' to the new one 
 about the other ones. 
 
376 Bury the Dead. 
 
 No, when a pardner dies and you set out 
 to take another one, bury the one that has 
 gone right under his own high chair in your 
 heart, don't keep him up there a rattlin' his 
 bones before the eyes of the 2d, and angerin' 
 him, and agonizen' your own heart. Bury 
 him before you bring a new one into the same 
 room. 
 
 And never ! never ! even in moments of the 
 greatest anger, dig him up agin or even weep 
 over his grave, before the new pardner. No ; 
 under the moonlight, and the stars, before God 
 only, and your own soul, you may lay there 
 in spirit on that grave, weep over it, keep the 
 turf green. But not before any one -else. And 
 I wouldn't advise you to go there alone any too 
 often. I would advise you to spend your spare 
 time ornementin' the high chair where the new 
 one sets, wreathin' it round with whatever blos- 
 soms and trailin' vines of tenderness and ro- 
 mance you have left over from the first great 
 romance of life. 
 
 It would be better for you in the end. 
 
 I said some few of these little thoughts to the 
 
Solemn Amusements. 377- 
 
 female mentioned; and I s'pose I impressed 
 her dretfully, I s'pose I did. But I couldn't 
 stay to see the full effects on't, for another 
 female setter came up at that minute to talk 
 with her, and my companion came up at that 
 very minute to ask me to go a walkin' with 
 him up to the cemetery. 
 
 That is a very favorite place for Josiah Allen. 
 He often used to tell the children when they 
 wuz little, that if they wuz real good he would 
 take 'em out on a walk to the grave-yard. 
 
 And when I first married to him, if I hadn't 
 broke it up, that would have been the only 
 place of resort that he would have took me to 
 Summers. But I broke it up after a while. 
 Good land ! there is times to go any where 
 and times to stay away. I didn't want to go 
 a trailin' up there every day or two ; jest 
 married too ! 
 
 But to-day I felt willin' to go. I had been 
 a lookin' so long at the crowd a fillin' the 
 streets full, and every one on 'em in motion, 
 that I thought it would be sort a restful to go 
 out to a place where they wuz still. And so 
 
378 Odd Tombstones. 
 
 after a short walk we came to the village that 
 haint stirred by any commotion or alarm. 
 Where the houses are roofed with green grass 
 and daisies, and the white stun doors don't open 
 to let in trouble or joy, and where theinhab- 
 itents don't ride out in the afternoon. 
 
 Wall, if I should tell the truth which I am 
 fur from not wantin' to do, I should say that 
 at first sight, it wuz rather of a bleat, lone- 
 some lookin' spot, kinder wild and desolate 
 lookin'. But as we went further along in it, 
 we came to some little nooks and sheltered 
 paths and spots, that seemed more collected 
 together and pleasant. There wuz some big 
 high stuns and monuments, and some little 
 ones, but not one so low that it hadn't cast a 
 high, dark shadow over somebody's life. 
 
 There wuz one in the shape of a big sea 
 shell. I s'pose some mariner lay under that, 
 who loved the sea. Or mebby it wuz put up 
 by some one who had the odd fancy that put a 
 shell to your ear you will hear a whisperin' in 
 it of a land fur away, fur away. Not fur from 
 this wuz a stun put up over a young en« 
 
An Engineer's Epitaph. 379 
 
 gineer who had been killed instantly by his 
 engine. There wuz a picture of the locomotive 
 scraped out on the stun, and in the cab of the 
 engine wuz his photograph, and these lines 
 wuz underneath. 
 
 My engine now lies still and cold, 
 No water does her boiler hold ; 
 The wood supplies its flames no more, 
 My days of usefulness are o'er. 
 
 We wended our way in and out of tru silent 
 streets, for quite a spell, and then we went and 
 sot down on the broad piazza of the sort of 
 chapel and green-house that stood not fur from 
 the entrance. And while we sot there we see 
 another inhabitent come there lo the village 
 to stay. 
 
 It wuz a long procession, for it wuz a good 
 man who had come. And many of his friends 
 come with him jest as fur as they could : wife, 
 children, and friends, they come with him jest 
 as fur as they could, and then he had to leave 
 'em and go on alone. How weak love is, and 
 kow strong. It wuz too weak to hold him 
 
380 Amusing Reading. 
 
 back, or go with him, though they would fain 
 have done so. But it wuz strong enough to 
 shadow the hull world with its blackness, blot 
 out the sun and the stars, and scale the very 
 mounts of heaven with its wild complaints and 
 pleadin's. A strange thing love is, haint it ? 
 Wall, we sot there for quite a spell and my 
 companion wantin', I s'pose, to make me 
 happy, took out a daily paper out of his pocket 
 and went to readin' the deaths to me. He 
 always loves to read the deaths and marriages 
 in a paper. He sez that is the literature that 
 interests him. And then I s'pose he thought 
 at such a time, it wuz highly appropriate. So 
 I didn't break it up till he begun to read a long 
 obituary piece about a child's death ; about its 
 bein' cut down like a flower by alightin' stroke 
 out of a cloudless sky, and about what a mys- 
 terious dispensation of Providence it wuz, etc., 
 etc. And then there wuz a hujl string of 
 poetry dedicated to the heart-broken mother 
 bewailin' the mystery on't, and wonderin' why 
 Providence should do such strange, onlooked« 
 for things, etc., and etcetery, and so 4th. 
 
Slandering Providence. 381 
 
 And I spoke right up and sez, " That is 3 
 slander onto Providence and ort to be took as 
 such by every lover of justice." 
 
 Josiah wuz real horrified, he bad been almost 
 sheddin' tears he wuz so affected by it ; to 
 think the little creeter should be torn away by 
 9. strange chance of Providence from a mother 
 who worshiped her, and whose whole life and 
 every thought wuz jest wrapped up in the 
 child, and who never had thought nor cared 
 for anything else only jest the well bein' of the 
 child and wardin' trouble off of her, for so the 
 piece stated. And he sez in wild amaze, 
 " What do you mean, Samantha ? What 
 makes you talk so ?" 
 
 "Because," sez I, " I know it is the truth. I 
 know the hull story ;" and then I went on and 
 told it to him, and he agreed with me and felt 
 jest as I did. 
 
 You see, the mother of the child wuz a per- 
 fect high flyer of fashion and she always wore 
 dresses so tight, that she couldn't get her 
 hands up to her head to save her life, after her 
 corset wuz on. Wall, she wuz out a walkin* 
 
382 
 
 Fashion's High-flyers. 
 
 with, the child one day, or rather toddlin' along 
 with it, on her high-heeled shoes. They wuz 
 both dressed up perfectly beautiful, and made 
 
 a most splen- 
 did show. Wall, 
 they went into 
 a store on their 
 way to the park, 
 and there wuz a 
 big crowd there, 
 and the mother 
 and the little 
 girl got into 
 the very middle 
 of the crowd. 
 They say there 
 wuz some new 
 storks for sale 
 that day, and 
 some cat-tail 
 flags, and so there wuz naturelly a big crowd 
 of wimmen a buyin' 'em, and cranes. And 
 some way, while they stood there a heavy 
 vase that stood up over the child's head fell 
 
 The mother of the child wuz a perfect high 
 flyer of iasnion. 
 
A Needless Calamity. 383 
 
 down and fell onto it, and hurt the child so, 
 that it died from the effects of it. 
 
 The mother see the vase when it first begun 
 to move, she could have reached up her hands 
 and stiddied it, and kep' it from fallin', if she 
 could have got 'em up, but with that corset on, 
 the hull American continent might have tum- 
 bled onto the child's head and she couldn't 
 have moved her arms up to keep it off ; couldn't 
 have lifted her arms up over the child's head 
 to save her life. No, she couldn't have kep' 
 one of the States off, nor nothin'. And then 
 talk about her wardin' trouble offen the child, 
 why she couldn't ward trouble off, nor nothin* 
 else with that corset on. She screemed, as she 
 see it a comin' down onto the head of her b& 
 loved little child, but that wuz all she could 
 do. The child wuz wedged in by the throng 
 of folks and couldn't stir, and they wuz all en- 
 grossed in their own business which wuz pres* 
 sin', and very important, a buyin' plates, and 
 plaks, with bull-rushes, and cranes, and storks 
 on 'em, so, naturelly, they didn't mind what wtu 
 a goin' on round 'em. And down it come ! 
 24 
 
384 Worse than Heathens. 
 
 And there it wuz put down in the paper "A 
 mysterious dispensation of Providence." Prov- 
 idence slandered shamefully and I will say so 
 with my last breath. 
 
 What are mothers made for if it haint to 
 take care of the little ones God gives 'em. 
 What right have they to contoggle themselves 
 up in a way that they can see their children 
 die before 'em, and they not able to put out a 
 hand to save 'em. Why, a savage mother is 
 better than this, a heathen one. And if I had 
 my way there would be a hull ship-load of 
 savages and heathens brought over here to 
 teach and reform our too civilized wimmen. 
 I'd bring 'em over this very summer. 
 
 Wall, we sot there on the stoop for quite a 
 spell and then we wended our way down to the 
 highway, and as we arrived there my com- 
 panion proposed that we should take a carriage 
 and go to the Toboggen slide. Sez I, " not 
 after where we have been to-day, Josiah Allen." 
 
 And he sez, " Why not?" 
 
 And I sez, " It wouldn't look well, after 
 visitin' the folks we have jest now." 
 
Off to the Toboggen. 385 
 
 "Wall," sez he, "they won't speak on't tn 
 anybody, if that is what you are afraid on, c\, 
 aense it themselves." 
 
 And I see in a minute, he had some sense 
 on his side, though his words shocked me 
 some at first, kinder jarred aginst some sen- 
 sitive spot in my nater, jest as pardners will 
 sometimes, however devoted they may be to 
 each other. Yet I see he wuz in the right 
 on't. 
 
 They wouldn't sense anything about it. And 
 as for us, we wuz in the world of the livin' 
 still, and I still owed a livin' duty to my com- 
 panion, to make him as happy as possible. 
 And so, I sez mildly, " Wall, I don't know as 
 there is anything wrong in slidin' down hill, 
 Josiah. I s'pose I can go with you." 
 
 " No," sez he, " there haint nothin' wrong 
 about slidin' down hill unless you strike too 
 hard, or tip over, or sunthin'." So he bagoned 
 to a carriage that wuz passin', and we got into 
 it, and sot sail for the Toboggen slide. 
 
 We passed through the village. (Some say 
 it is a city, but if it is, it is a modest, retirin' 
 
386 Through Saratoga. 
 
 one as I ever see ; perfectly unassumin', and 
 don't put on a air, not one.) 
 
 But howsumever, we passed through it, 
 through the rows and rows of summer tarvens 
 and boardin' houses, good-lookin' ones too; 
 past some good-lookin' private houses — a long 
 tarven and a pretty red brick studio and rows 
 of summer stores, little nests that are filled up 
 summers, and empty winters, then by some 
 more of them monster big tarvens where some 
 of the 200,000 summer visitors who flock here 
 summers, find a restin' place; and then by the 
 large respectable good-lookin' stores and shops 
 of the natives, that stand solid, and to be de- 
 pended on summer and winter; by churches 
 and halls, and etc., and good-lookin' houses 
 and then some splendid-lookin' houses all 
 standin' back on their grassy lawns behind 
 some trees, and fountains, and flower beds, 
 etc., etc. 1 
 
 Better-lookin' houses I don't want to see nor 
 broader, handsomer streets. And pretty soon 
 fur away to the east you could see through the 
 trees a glimpse of a glorious landscape, a broad 
 
Convent Walls. 387 
 
 lovely view of hill and valley, bounded by blue, 
 mountain tops. It wuz a fair seen — a fair seen. 
 To be perfectly surrounded by beauty wbere 
 you wuz, and a lookin' off onto more. There 
 1 would fain Have lingered, but time and wagons 
 roll stidily Onward, and will not brook delay, 
 nor pause for wimmen to soar over seenery. 
 
 So we rolled onwards through still more 
 . beautiful and quiet pictures. Pictures of quiet 
 woods and bending trees, and a country road 
 windin' tranquilly beneath, up and down gentle 
 hills, and anon a longer one, and then at our 
 feet stood the white walls of a convent, with 2 
 or 3 brothers, a strollin' along in their long 
 black gowns, and crosses, a readin' some books. 
 
 I don't know what it wuz, what they wuz a 
 readin' out of their books, or a readin' out of 
 their hearts. Mebby sunthin' kinder sad and 
 serene. Mebby it wuz sunthin' about the gay 
 world of human happiness, and human sorrows, 
 they had turned backs to forever. Mebby it 
 wuz about the other world that they had sot 
 out for through a lonesome way. Mebby it 
 wuz " Never " they wuz a readin' about, and 
 
3?58 The Toboggen Slide. 
 
 meb'/fy it wuz " Forever." I don't know what 
 it wuz. But we went by 'em, and 
 anon, yes it wuz jest anon, for it 
 wuz the very minute that I lifted 
 my eyes from the Father's calm 
 and rather sad-lookin' face, that 
 I ketched sight on't, that I see a 
 
 eomin' 
 - do w n 
 from the 
 high 
 hills to 
 the left 
 
 or so it 
 
 And we went out her back door, and see way up the 
 
 slide, or trough. looked, 
 
 a comin' right down through the trees, from 
 the top of the mountain to the bottom. And 
 then all acrost the fields as fur, as fur as 
 from our house way over to Miss Pixley's 
 
u Is He a Injun." 389 
 
 wuz a sort of a road, with a row of electric 
 lights along the side on't. 
 
 We drove up to a buildin' that stood at the 
 foot of that immense slide, or so they called it, 
 and a female woman who wuz there told us 
 all about it. And we went out her back door, 
 and see way up the slide, or trough. There 
 wuz a railin' on each side on't, and a place in 
 the middle where she said the Toboggen came 
 down. 
 
 And sez Josiah, " Who is the Toboggen, 
 any way? Is he a native of the place or 
 a Injun ? Any way," sez he, " I'd give a 
 dollar bill to see him a comin' down that 
 place." 
 
 And the woman said, " A Toboggen wuz a 
 sort of a long sled, that two or three folks 
 could ride on, and they come down that slide 
 with such force that they went way out acrost 
 the fields as far as the row of lights, before it 
 stopped. 
 
 Sez I, "Josiah Allen, did you ever see the 
 beat on't ?" Sez I, " Haint that as far as from 
 our house to Miss Pixley's ?" 
 
390 How it Works. 
 
 " Yes," sez he, " and further too. It is as 
 far as Uncle Jim Hozzleton's." 
 
 " Wall," sez I, " I believe you are in the 
 right on't." 
 
 And sez Josiah, " How do they get back 
 agin ? Do they come in the cars, or in their 
 own conveniences." 
 
 " There is a sleigh to bring 'em back, but 
 sometimes they walk back," sez the woman. 
 
 " Walk back?" sez I in deep amaze. " Do 
 they walk from way out there, and cleer up 
 that mountain agin ?" 
 
 " Yes," sez she. " Don't you see the place 
 at the side for 'em to draw the Toboggen up, 
 and the little flights of steps for 'em to go up 
 the hill ?" 
 
 " Wall," sez I, in deep amaze, and anxius as 
 ever to get information on deep subjects, 
 " where duz the fun come in, is it in walkin' 
 way over the plain and up the hills, or is il in 
 comin' down ?" 
 
 And she said she didn't know exactly where 
 the fun lay, but she s'pozed it wuz comin' down. 
 Any way they seemed to enjoy it first rate, 
 
A Gay Scene. 391 
 
 And she said it wuz a pretty sight to see 'em 
 ail on a bright clear night, when the sky wuz 
 blue and full of stars, and the earth white and 
 glistenin' underneath to see 7 or 800, all 
 dressed up in the gayest way, suits of white 
 blankets, gay borders and bright tasseled caps 
 of every color, and suits of every other pretty 
 color all trimmed with fur and embroideries, 
 to see 'em all a laughin' and a talkin', with 
 their cheeks and eyes bright and glowin', to 
 see 'em a comin' down the slide like flashes of 
 every colored light, and away out over the 
 white glistenin' plains ; and then to see the 
 long line of happy laughin' creeters a walkin' 
 back agin drawin' the gay Toboggens. She 
 said it wuz a sight worth seein'. 
 
 " Do they come down alone ?" sez Josiah. 
 
 " Oh no !" sez she. " Boys and their sweet- 
 hearts, men and wives, fathers and mothers 
 and children, sometimes 4 on a Toboggen." 
 
 Sez Josiah, lookin' anamated and clever, 
 " I'd love to take you on one on 'em, Saman- 
 tha." 
 
 "Oh no," sez I, "I wouldn't want to be took." 
 
392 "Jest a Red Flash." 
 
 But a bystander a standin' by said it wuz a 
 sight to behold to stand up on top and start 
 off. He said the swiftness of the motion, the 
 brightness of the electric lights ahead, the 
 gleam of the snow made it seem like plungin' 
 down a dazzlin' Niagara of whiteness and 
 glitterin' light ; and some, like bein' shot out 
 of a cannon. Why, he said they went with 
 such lightnin' speed, that if you stood clost 
 by the slide a waitin' to see a friend go by, 
 you might stand so near as to touch her, but 
 you couldn't no more see her to re&groize her, 
 than you could rea^nize one spoke from an* 
 other in the wheel of a runaway carriage. You 
 would jest see a red flash go by, if so be it wuz 
 a red gown she had on. A red flash a dartin' 
 through the air, and a dissapeerin' down the 
 long glitterin' lane of light. 
 
 You could see her a goin' back, so they said, 
 a laughin' and a jokin' with somebody, if so be 
 she walked back, but there wuz long sleighs to 
 carry 'em back, them and their Toboggens, if 
 they wanted to ride, at the small expenditure 
 of 10 cents apiece. They go in the fastest 
 
The Model Toboggen. 393 
 
 time anybody can make till they go on the 
 lightnin', a way in which they will go before 
 long, I think, and Josiah duz too. 
 
 They said there wuzn't nothin' like it. And 
 I said " Like as not." I believed 'em. And 
 then the woman said, " this long room we wuz 
 a standin' in," for we had gone back into the 
 house, durin' our interview, this long room wuz 
 all warm and light for 'em to come into and get- 
 warm, and she said as many as 600 in a night 
 would come in there and have supper there. 
 
 And then she showed us the model of a 
 Toboggen, all sculped out, with a man and a 
 woman on it. The girl wuz ahead sort a draw- 
 in' the Toboggen, as you may say, and her 
 lover. (I know he wuz, from his looks.) He 
 wuz behind her, with his face right clost to 
 her shoulder. 
 
 And I'll bet that when they started down 
 that gleamin' slide, they felt as if they 2 wuz 
 alone under the stars and the heavens, and 
 wuz a glidin' down into a dazzlin' way of glory. 
 You could see it in their faces. I liked their 
 faces real well. 
 
394 "-d Powerful WeeponP 
 
 But the sight on 'em made Josiah Allen, 
 crazier'n ever to go too, and he sez, " I feel as 
 if I must Toboggen, Samantha !" 
 
 Sez I, "Be calm ! Josiah, you can't slide 
 down hill in July." 
 
 " How do you know ?" sez he, " I'm bound 
 to enquire." And he asked the woman if they 
 ever Toboggened in the summer. 
 
 "No, never!" sez she. 
 
 And I sez, "You see it can't be done." 
 
 "She never see it tried," sez he. "How can 
 you tell what you can do without tryin' ?" sez 
 .he lookin' shrewdly, and longingly, up the 
 slide. I trembled, for I knew not what the 
 next move of his would be. But I bethought 
 me of a powerful weepon I had by me. And 
 I sez, " The driver will ask pay for every min- 
 ute we are here." 
 
 And as I sez this, Josiah turned and almost 
 flew down the steps, and into the buggy. I had 
 skairt him. Truly I felt relieved, and sez I to 
 myself, " What would wimmen do if it wuzn't 
 for these littleweepons they hold in their hands, 
 to control their pardners with." I felt happy. 
 
"And- X sez, 'The driver will ask pay for every minute we are here.' 
 "And as I sez this, Josjab turned and almost Sew down the steps, 
 end into the buggy," 
 
 395 
 
JosiaKs Wild Resolve. 397 
 
 But the next words of Josiah knocked down 
 all that palace of Peace, that my soul had be- 
 took herself to. Sez he, " Samantha Allen, 
 before I leave Saratoga I shall Toboggen." 
 
 Wall, I immegatly turned the subject round 
 and talked wildly' and almost incoherently on 
 politicks. I praised the tariff atnost beyond 
 its deserts. I brung up our foreign relations, 
 and spoke \irell on 'em. I tackled revenues 
 and taxation, and hurried him from one to the 
 other on 'em, almost wildly, to get the idee out 
 of his head. And I congratulated myself on 
 havin' succeeded. Alas ! how futile is our 
 .hopes, sometimes futiler than we have any 
 idee on ! 
 
 By night all thoughts of danger had left me, 
 and I slept sweetly and peacefully. But early 
 in the mornin' I had a strange dream. I 
 dreamed I wuz in the woods with my head a 
 layin' on a log, and the ground felt cold that 
 I wuz a layin' on. And then the log gin way 
 with me, and my head came down onto the 
 ground. And then I slept peaceful agin, but 
 chilly, till anon, or about that time, I heard 
 
398 /s He Kidnapped? 
 
 a strange sound and I waked up with a start. 
 It wuz in the first faint glow of mornin' twi- 
 light. But as faint as the light wuz, for the 
 eye of love is keen, I missed my beloved pardr 
 ner's head from the opposite pillow, and I riz 
 up in wild agitation and thinkses I, " Has 
 rapine took place here ; has Josiah Allen been 
 abducted away from me ? Is he a kidnapped 
 Josiah ?" 
 
 At that fearful thought my heart begun to 
 beat so voyalently as to almost stop my breath, 
 and I felt I wuz growin' pale and wan, wanner, 
 fur wanner than I had been sense I came to 
 Saratoga. I love Josiah Allen, he is dear to 
 me. 
 
 And I riz up feelin' that I would find that 
 dear man and rescue him or perish in the 
 attempt. Yes, I felt that I must perish if I 
 did not find him. What would life be to me 
 without him ? And as I thought that thought 
 the light of the day that wuz a breakin', looked 
 sort of a faint to me, and sickish. And like a 
 flash it came to me, the thought that that light 
 seemed like the miserable dawns of wretched 
 
A Wild Effort. 399 
 
 days without him, a pale light with no warmth, 
 or brightness in it. 
 
 But at that very minute I heard a noise out- 
 side the door, and I heard that beloved voice 
 a sayin' in low axents the words I had so often 
 heard him speak, words I had oft rebuked him 
 for, but now, so weak will human love make 
 one, now, I welcomed them gladly — they 
 sounded exquisitely sweet to me. The words 
 wuz, " Dumb 'em !" 
 
 And I joyfully opened the door. But oh, 
 what a sight met my eye. There stood Josiah 
 Allen, arrayed in a blanket he had took from 
 our bed (that accounted for my cold feelin' in 
 my dream). The blanket wuz white, with a 
 gay border of red and yellow. He had fixed 
 it onto him in a sort of a dressy way, and 
 strapped it round the waist with my shawl 
 strap. And he had took a bright yeller silk 
 handkerchief of hisen, and had wrapped it round 
 his head so's it hung down some like a cap, 
 and he wuz a tryin' to fasten it round his for- 
 ward with one of my stockin' supporters. He 
 couldn't buckle it, and that is what called forth 
 35 
 
400 Fun and Fashion. 
 
 his exclamations. At his feet, partly upon the 
 stairs, wuz the bolster from our bed (that ac' 
 counted for the log that had gin way) . And 
 he had spread a little red shawl of mine over 
 the top on't, and as I opened the door, he wuz 
 jest ready to embark on the bolster, he wuz 
 jest a steppin' onto it. But as he see me he 
 paused, and I sez in low axents, " What are 
 you a goin' to do, Josiah Allen ?" 
 " I'm a goin to Toboggen," sez he. 
 Sez I, "Do you stop at once, and come back 
 into your room." 
 
 "No, no!" sez he, firmly, and preparin' to 
 embark on the bolster, " I am agoin' to To- 
 boggen. And you come and go too. It is so 
 fashionable," sez he, "such, a genteel diver- 
 sion." 
 
 Sez I, "Do you stop it at once, and come 
 back to your room. Why," sez I," the hull 
 house will be routed up, and be up here in a 
 minute." 
 
 "Wall," sez he, "they'll see fun if they do 
 and fashion. I am a goin', Samantha 1" and 
 he stepped forward. 
 
** 
 
Samantha's Final Effort. 403 
 
 Sez I, " They'll see sunthin' else that begins 
 With a f, but it haint fun or fashion." And 
 agin I sez, " Do you come back, Josiah Allen. 
 You'll break your neck and rout up the house, 
 and be called a fool !" 
 
 " Oh no, Samantha! I must Toboggen. I 
 must go down the slide once." And he fixed 
 the bolster more firmly on the top stair. 
 
 "Wall," sez I, feelin' that I wuz drove to my 
 last ambush by him, sez I, "probably five 
 dollars -won't make the expenses good, besides 
 your doctor's bill, and my mournin'. And I 
 shall put on the deepest of crape, Josiah 
 Allen," sez I. 
 
 I see he wavered and I pressed the charge 
 l*)me. Sez I, " That bolster is thin cloth, 
 Josiah Allen, and you'll probable have to pay 
 now for draggin' it all over the floor. If any- 
 body should see you with it there, that bolster 
 would be charged in your bill. And how 
 would it look to the neighbors to have a bol- 
 ster "charged in your bill ? And I should 
 treasure it, Josiah Allen, as bein' the last bill 
 you made before you broke your neck I" 
 
404 A New Experiment. 
 
 " Oh, wall," sez lie, " I s'pose I can put the 
 bolster back." But he wuz* snappish, and he 
 kep' snappish all day. 
 
 He wuzn't quelled. Though he had gin in 
 for the time bein', I see he wuzn't quelled 
 down. He acted dissatisfied and high-headed, 
 and I felt worried in my mind, not knowin' 
 what his next move would be. 
 
 Oh ! the tribulations it makes a woman to 
 lake care of a man. But then it pays. After 
 all, in the deepest of my tribulations I feel, I 
 do the most of the time feel, that it pays. 
 When he is good, he is dretful good. 
 
 Wall, I went over to see Polly Pixley the 
 next night, and when I got back to my room, 
 there stood Josiah Allen with both of his feet 
 sort a bandaged and tied down onto sunthin', 
 which I didn't at first recogy : .zo,. It wuz big, 
 and sort a egg shaped, and open worked, and 
 both his feet wuz strapped down tight onto it, 
 and he wuz a pushin' himself round the room 
 with his umberell. 
 
 And I sez, " What is the matter now, Josiah 
 Allen ; what are you a doin' now ?" 
 
A Fruitless Effort. 
 
 405 
 
 " Oh, I am a walkin' on snow-shoes, Sa- 
 mantha ! But I don't see," sez he, a stoppiri' 
 to rest, for he seemed tuckered out, " I don't see 
 how the savages got 
 round as they did 
 and performed such 
 journeys. You put 
 'em on, Samantha," 
 sez he, "and see if 
 you can get on any 
 faster in 'em." 
 . Sez I coldly, "The 
 savages probable 
 didn't have both feet 
 on one shoe, Josiah 
 Allen, as you have. 
 I shall put on no 
 snow-shoes in the 
 middle of July ; but 
 
 «>CSv- 
 
 ./-TJ'JT 1. 1 J His ' eet wuz stra PP ed down tight 
 
 II 1 (Ha, 1 SnOUlQ pUt onto iti a nd he wuz a pushin' himself 
 . 1» 1 round the room with his umberell. 
 
 'em on. accordm to 
 
 & little mite of sense. I should- try to use as 
 
 much sense as a savage any way." 
 
 " Why, how it would look to have one foot 
 
406 Sick of the Idea. 
 
 on that great big snow-shoe. I always did 
 like a good close fit in my shoes. And you 
 see I have room enough and to spare for botli 
 on 'em on this. Why it wouldn't look dressy 
 at all, Samantha, to put 'em on as you say." 
 
 Sez I very coldly, " I don't see anything 
 over and above dressy in your looks now, Jo- 
 siah Allen, with both of your feet tied down 
 onto that one shoe, and you a tryin' to move 
 off, when you can't. I can't see anything over 
 and above ornamental in it, Josiah Allen." 
 
 " Oh ! you are never willin' to give in that I 
 look dressy, Samantha. But I s'pose I can 
 put my feet where you say. You are so sot, 
 but they are too big for me — I shall look like 
 a fool." 
 
 I looked at him calmly over my specks, and 
 sez I, " I guess I sha'n't notice the difference 
 or realize the change. I wonder," sez I, in 
 middlin' cold axents, "how you think you 
 are a lookin' now, Josiah Allen." 
 
 " Oh, keep a naggin at me!" sez he. But \ 
 see he wuz a gettin' kinder sick of the idee. 
 
 " What you mean by puttin' 'em on at all is 
 
Feeling like a Savage. 407 
 
 more than I can say," sez I, " a tryin' to walk 
 on snow-shoes- right in dog-days." 
 
 " I put 'em on, Samantha," sez he, a begin* 
 nin' to unstrap 'em, " I put 'cm on because I 
 wanted to feel like a savage." 
 
 " Wall," sez I, " I have seen you at times 
 durin' the last 20 years, when I thought you 
 realized how they felt without snow-shoes on 
 either." 
 
 (These little interchanges of confidence will 
 take place in every-day life.) But at that 
 very minute Ardelia Tutt rapped at the door, 
 and Josiah hustled them snow-shoes into the 
 closet, and that wuz the last trial I had with 
 him about 'em. He had borrowed 'em. 
 
 Wall, Ardelia wuz dretful pensive, and soft 
 actin' that night, she seemed real tickled to 
 see us, and to get where we wuz. She haint over 
 and above suited with the boardin' place where 
 she is, I think. I don't believe they have very 
 good food, though she won't complain, bein' as 
 they are relations on her own side. And then 
 she is such a good little creeter any way. But 
 I had my suspicions. She didn't seem very 
 
408 Sickening- of Bial. 
 
 happy. She said she had been down to the 
 park that afternoon, she and the young chap 
 -that has been a payin' her so much attention 
 lately, Bial Flaniburg. She said they had sot 
 down there by the deer park most all the after- 
 noon a watchin' the deer. She spoke dretful 
 well of the deer. And they are likely deer for 
 anything I know. But she seemed sort a pen- 
 sive and low spirited. Mebby she is a be- 
 ginnin' to find Bial Flamburg out, mebby she 
 is a beginnin' to not like his ways. He drinks 
 and smokes, that I know, and I've mistrusted 
 worse things on him. Befoi^ Ardelia went 
 away, she slipped the followin' lines into my 
 hand, which I read after she had left. They 
 wuz rather melancholy and ran as follows : 
 
 " STANZAS WROTE ON A DEER IN CENTRAL 
 PARK. 
 
 " BY ARDEUA TUTT. 
 
 ■ Oh deer, sweet deer that softly steppeth out 
 From out thy rustick cot beneath the hill ; 
 We would not meet thee with a wild, wild shout, 
 But with the low voice, low and sweet, and still 
 
 As anything. 
 
Stanzas on a Deer, 409 
 
 " And in thine ear would whisper thoughts that swell 
 Our bosom nigh beyoad our corset's bound ; 
 As lo ! we see thee step along the dell 
 And with thy horns, and eyes look all around 
 
 And up, and down. 
 
 * J We think of all thy virtue, and thy ways, 
 Thy simple ways of eating hay and grass ; 
 We would not cause thy cheek to blush with praise, 
 Yet we have marked thee, marked thee as thou pass 
 
 We could but fain. 
 
 - (bid lo ! our admiration thou dost win 
 Thou in the haunts of fashion keep afar, 
 Thou dost not lo ! imbibe vile beer or gin, 
 Or smoke with pipe, or with a bad cigar, 
 
 Or cigarette. 
 
 "* Thou dost not flirt nor cast sheep eyes on her 
 Who is bound unto another by a vow — 
 Thou dost not murmur love words in her ear, 
 While husband's prowl about, to make a row 
 
 Or shoot with gun. 
 
 " Thou dost not drive in tandem, or on high — ■ 
 In stately loneliness, in Tally Ho go round, 
 Thou dost not on a horse back nobly canter by, 
 Or drive in dog carts up and down the land, 
 
 By day or night. 
 
4io 
 
 The Stanzas Ended. 
 
 " For ice cream, or for custard pie thou hankerest not, 
 Yearn not for caramels, nor apple sass, 
 Thou dost not eat pop corn, or peanuts down the grof^ 
 Ah ! no, sweet deer, thou meekly eatest grass 
 
 In peace. 
 
 ** A lesson man might learn of thee full well, 
 
 To eat with sweet content tough steak, or .thin ; 
 Cold toast, or hot imbibe, think of that dell — 
 That patient deer, and eat in peace, nor sin 
 
 With profane word. 
 
 " If waiters do not come with food, think on that deer, 
 If food be bad and cold, think on that dell, 
 Strike not for vengeance with a deadly spear, 
 I*earn of that angel deer and murmur, all is well, 
 
 While eating grass." 
 
XIV. 
 
 LAKE, GEORGE AND MOUNT m'GREGOR. 
 
 **&* 
 
 T wuz on a nice pleasant 
 k day that Ardelia Tutt, 
 Josiah Allen, and me, met 
 by previous agreement 
 quite early in the mornin', 
 A. M., and sot out for Lake George. It is so 
 nigh, that you can step onto the cars, and go 
 out and see George any time of day. 
 
 It seemed to me jest as if George wuz glad 
 we had come, for there wuz a broad happy 
 smile all over his face, and a sort of a dimplin' 
 look, as if he wanted to laugh right out. All 
 
 4ii 
 
412 Off for Mount McGregor. ' 
 
 the beckonin' shores and islands, with theii 
 beautiful houses on 'em, and the distant forests, 
 and the trees a bendin' over George, all seemed 
 to sort a smile out a- welcome to us. We had 
 a most beautiful day, and got back quite late 
 in the afternoon, P. M. 
 
 And the next day, a day heavenly calm and 
 fair, Josiah Allen and 'me sot sail for Mount 
 McGregor — that mountain top that is lifted 
 up higher in the hearts of Americans than any 
 other peak on the continent, — fur higher. For 
 it is the place where the memory of a Hero 
 lays over all the peaceful landscape, like a in- 
 spiration and a benediction, and will rest there 
 forever. 
 
 The railroad winds round and round the 
 mountain sometimes not seemin'ly goin' up at 
 all, but gradually a movin' on towards the top, 
 jest as this brave Hero did in his career. If 
 some of the time he didn't seem to move on, 
 or if some of the time he seemed to go back 
 for a little, yet there wuz a deathless fire in- 
 side on him, a power, a strength that kep' him 
 a goin' up, up, up, and drawin' the nation up 
 
Ascending the Mount. 413 
 
 with Mm onto the safe level ground of Vic- 
 tory. 
 
 We got pleasant glimpses of beauty, pretty 
 pictures on't, every little while as we wended 
 our way on up the mountains. Anon we would 
 go round a curve, a ledge of rocks mebby, and 
 lo ! far off a openin' through the woods would 
 show us a lovely picture of hill and dell, blue 
 water and blue mountains in the distance. 
 And then a green wood picture, shut in and 
 lonely, with tall ferns, and wild flowers, and 
 thick green grasses under the bendin' trees. 
 Then fur down agin, a picture of a farm-house, 
 sheltered and quiet, with fields layin' about it, 
 green and golden. 
 
 But anon, we reached the pretty little lone- 
 some station, and there we wuz on top of Mount 
 McGregor. We disembarked from the cars 
 and wended our way up the hill up the windin' 
 foot path, wore down by the feet of pilgrims 
 from every land, quite a tegus walk, though 
 beautiful, up to the good-lookin', and good- 
 appearin' tarven. 
 
 I would fain have stopped at that minute at 
 
414 A Starving Man. 
 
 the abode the Hero had sanctified by his last 
 looks. But my companion said to me that he 
 wuz in nearly a starvin' state. Now it wuzn't 
 much after n A. M. forenoon, and I felt that 
 he would not die of starvation so soon. But 
 his looks wuz pitiful in the extreme and he 
 reminded me in a sort of a weak voice that he 
 didn't eat no breakfast hardly. 
 
 I sez truthfully, " I didn't notice it, Josiah." 
 But sez I, " I will accompany you where your 
 hunger can be slaked." So we went straight 
 Up to the tarven. 
 
 But I would stop a minute in front of it, to 
 see the lovely, lovely seen that wuz spread out 
 before our eyes. For fur off could we see 
 milds and milds of the beautiful country, a 
 layin' fur below us. Beautiful landscape, 
 dotted with crystal lakes, laved by the blue 
 Hudson and bordered by the fur-away moun- 
 tains. 
 
 It wuz a fair seen, a fair seen. Even Josiah 
 wuz rousted up by it, and forgot his hunger. 
 I myself wuz lost in the contemplation on it, 
 and entirely by the side of myself. So much 
 
Josiah in Peril. 415 
 
 so, that I forgot where I wuz, and whether I 
 wuz a wife or a widow, or what I wuz. 
 
 But anon, as my senses came back from the 
 realm of pure beauty they had been a traver- 
 sin', I recollected that I wuz a wife, that Prov- 
 idence and Elder Minkley had placed a man 
 in my hands to take care on ; and I see he wuz 
 gone from me, and I must look him up. 
 
 And I found that man in one of the high tall- 
 ish lookin' swing chairs that wuz a swingin' 
 from high poles all along the brow of the hill. 
 They looked some like a stanchol for a horse, 
 and some like a pair of galluses that criminals 
 are hung on. 
 
 Josiah wuzn't able to work it right and it 
 did require a deep mind to get into one without 
 peril. And he wuz on the brink of a catas- 
 trophe. I got him out by siezin' the chair 
 and holdin' it tight, till he dismounted from it 
 —which he did with words unadapted to the 
 serenity of the atmosphere. And then we went 
 out the broad pleasant door-yard up into the 
 tarven, and my companion got some coffee, 
 and some refreshments, to refresh ourselves 
 26 
 
416 An [Inspired Memory, 
 
 with. And then, lie feelin' clever and real 
 affectionate to me (owin' partly I s'pose to the 
 good dinner) , we wended our way down to the 
 cottage where the Hero met his last foe and 
 fell victorious. 
 
 We went up the broad steps onto the piazza, 
 and I looked off from it, and over all the land- 
 scape under the soft summer sky, lay that same 
 beautiful tender inspired memory. It lay like 
 the hush that follows a prayer at a dyin' bed. 
 Like the glow that rests on the wo< Id when the 
 sun has gone down in glory. I /ike the silence 
 full of voices that follows a writer's inspired 
 words. 
 
 The air, the whole place, thrilled with that 
 memory, that presence that wuz with us, 
 though unseen to the eyes of our spectacles. 
 It followed us through tin door way, it went 
 ahead on us into the room where the pen wuz 
 laid down for the last time, where the last 
 words wuz said. That pen wuz hung up over 
 the bed where the tired head had rested last. 
 By the bedside wuz the candle blowed out, 
 when he got to the place where it is so light 
 
Ho vnu PD the blink of a catastrophy. I got him out by seliln' tte 
 Cbair sad holdin' it tight till he dismounted 
 
 417 
 
The 'Great Army. 419 
 
 they don't need candles. The watch stopped at 
 the time when he begun to recken time by the 
 deathless ages of immortality. And as I stood 
 there, I said to myself, "*I wish I could see 
 the faces that wuz a bendin' over this bed, 
 August nth, 1885. 
 
 All the ministerin' angels, and heroes, and 
 conquerors, all a waitin' for him to join 'em. 
 All the Grand Army of the Republic, them 
 who fell in mountain and valley ; the lamented 
 and the nameless, all, all a waitin' for the 
 Leader they loved, the silent, quiet man, 
 whose soul spoke, who said in deeds what 
 weaker spirits waste in language. 
 
 I wished I could see the great, army that 
 stood around Mount McGregor that day. I 
 wished I could hear the notes of the immortal 
 revelee, which wuz a soundin' all along the 
 lines callin' him to wake from his earth sleep 
 into life — callin' him from the night here, the 
 night of sorrow and pain, into the mornin'. 
 
 And as I lifted my eyes, the eyes of the 
 General seemed to look cleer down into my 
 soul, full of the secrets that he could tell now. 
 
42o Inside the Cottage. 
 
 if lie wanted to, full of the mysteries of life, 
 the mysteries of death. The voiceless pres- 
 ence that filled the hull landscape, earth and 
 air, looked at tfs through them eyes, half 
 mournful, prophetic, true and calm, they wuz 
 a lookin' through all the past, through all the 
 future. What did they see there ? I couldn't 
 tell, nor Josiah. 
 
 In another room wuz the flowers from many 
 climes. Flowers strewed onto the stage from, 
 hands all over the world, when the foot lights 
 burned low, and the dark curtain went down 
 for the last time on the Hero. Great masses 
 of flowers, every one on 'em, bearin' the world's 
 love, the world's sorrow over our nation's loss. 
 I had a large quantity of emotions as I stood 
 there, probably as many as 48 a minute for 
 quite a spell, and that is a large number of 
 emotions to have, when the size of 'em is as 
 large as the sizes of them wuz. I thought as 
 I stood there of what I had hearn the Hero 
 .said once in. his last illness, — that, lifting up 
 his grand right arm that had saved the Nation, , 
 he said, " I am on duty from four to six." 
 
On Duty. 421 
 
 Yes, thinkses I, he wuz on duty all through 
 the shadows aud the darkness of war, all 
 through the peril, and the heartache, and the 
 wild alarm of war, calm and dauntless, he wuz 
 on duty till the mornin' of peace came, and the 
 light wuz shinin'. 
 
 On duty through the darkness. No one be- 
 lieved, no one dared to think that if peril had 
 come again to the country, he would not have 
 been ready, — ready to face danger and death 
 fot the people he had saved once, the people 
 whom he loved, because he had dared death 
 for them. 
 
 Yes, he wuz on duty. 
 
 There wuz a darker shadow come to him 
 than any cloud that ever rose over a battle- 
 field when, honest and true himself as the 
 light, he still stood under the shadow of blame 
 and impendin' want, stood in the blackest sha- 
 dow that can cover generous, faithful hearts, the 
 heart-sickenin' shadow of ingratitude ; when 
 the people he had saved from ruin hesitated, 
 and refused to give him in the time of his need 
 the paltry pension, the few dollars out of the 
 
422 Tardy Justice. 
 
 millions he had saved for~them, preferring to 
 allow htm, the greatest hero of the world, the 
 man who had represented them before the 
 nations, to sell the badges and swords he had 
 worn in fighting their battles, for bread for 
 himself and wife. 
 
 But he wuz on duty all through this night. 
 Patient, uncomplainin'. And not one of these 
 warriors fightin' their bloodless battle of words 
 aginst him, would dare to say that he would 
 not have been ready at any minute, to give his 
 life agin, for these very men, had danger come 
 to the country and they had needed him. 
 
 And when hastened on by the shock, and 
 the suspense, death seemed to be near him, 
 so near that it seemed as if the burden must 
 needs be light — the tardy justice that came to 
 him must have seemed like an insult, but if 
 he thought so he never said it ; no, brave and 
 patient, he wuz on duty. 
 
 And all through the long, long time that he 
 looked through the shadows for a more sure 
 foe than had ever lain in Southern ambush for 
 him, he wuz on duty. Not an impatient word, 
 

 
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An Admiring Nation. 425 
 
 not an anxious word. Of all the feerin', doubt-, 
 in', hopin', achin' hearts about him, he only 
 wuz calm. 
 
 For, not only his own dear ones, but the hull 
 country, friends and foes alike, as if learnin' 
 through fear of his loss how grand a hero he 
 wuz, and how greatly and entirely he wuz be- 
 loved by them all, — they sent up to Heaven 
 such a great cloud of prayers for his safety as 
 never rose for any man. But he only wuz calm, 
 while the hull world wuz excited in his behalf, 
 
 For the sight of his patient work, the sight 
 of him who stopped dyin' (as it were) to earn 
 by his own brave honest hand the future com- 
 fort of his family, amazed, and wonderin' at 
 this spectacle, one of the greatest it seems to 
 me that ever wuz seen on earth, the hull 
 nation turned to him in such a full hearted 
 love, and admiration, and worship, that they 
 forgot in their quicker adorin' heart-throbs, 
 the slower, meaner throbs they had gin him, 
 this same brave Hero, jest as brave, and true- 
 hearted in the past as he wuz on his grand 
 death-bed. 
 
4.26 The Watch Relieved. 
 
 They forgot everything that had gone by in 
 their worship, and I don't know but I ort to. 
 Mebby I had. I shouldn't wonder a mite if I 
 had. But all the while, all through the agony 
 and the labor, and when too wearied he lay 
 down the peu, — he wuz on duty. 
 
 Waitin' patiently, fearlessly, till he should 
 see in the first glow of the sunrise the form of 
 the angel comin' to relieve his watch, the 
 tall, fair angel of Rest, that, the Great Com- 
 mander sent down in the mornin' watches to 
 relieve his weary soldier, — that divinest angel 
 that ever comes to the abode of men, though 
 her beauty shines forever through tears, led 
 r by her hand, he has left life's battle-field for- 
 ever ; and what is left to this nation but mem- 
 ory, love, and mebby remorse. 
 
 But little matters it to him, the Nation's love 
 or the Nation's blame, restin' there by the 
 calm waters he loved. The tides come in, and 
 the tides go out ; jest as they did in his life ; 
 the fickle tide of public favor that swept by 
 him, movin' him not on his heavenly mission 
 of duty and patriotism. 
 
Down the Mountain. 427 
 
 The tides go out, and the tides come in; the 
 wind wails and the wind sings its sweet sum- 
 mer songs ; but he does not mind the melody 
 or the clamor. He is resting. Sleep on, Hero 
 beloved, while the world wakes to praise thee. 
 
 Wall, we sot sail from Mount McGregor 
 about half-past four P. M., afternoon. And we 
 wound round and round the mountain side 
 jest as he did, only goin' down into the valley 
 -instid of upwards. But the trees that clothed 
 the bare back of the mountain looked green 
 and shinin' in the late afternoon sunlight, and 
 the fields spread out in the valley looked green 
 and peaceful under the cool shadows of ap- 
 proachin' sunset. 
 
 And right in the midst of one of these fields, 
 all full of white daisies, the cars stopped and the 
 conductor sung out : — " Five minutes' stop at 
 Daisy station. Five minutes to get out and 
 pick daisies." 
 
 And sez Josiah to me in gruff axents, when 
 I asked him if he wuz goin' to get out and 
 pick some. Sez he, " Samantha, no man can 
 go ahead of me in hatin' the dumb weeds, and 
 
428 Daisy Station. 
 
 doin' his best towards uprootin' 'em in my own 
 land ; and I deeply sympathize with any man 
 who is over- run by 'em. But why am I be- 
 holdin' to the man that owns this lot ? Why 
 , should I and all the rest of this car-load of 
 folks, all dressed up in our best too, lay hold 
 and weed out these infernal nuisances fof 
 nothin ?" 
 
 Yes, he said these fearfully profane words te 
 me and I herd him in silence, foi 1 did not 
 want to make a seen in public. Sez I, "Josiah, 
 they are a pickin' 'em because they love 
 'em." 
 
 " Love 'em !" Oh, the fearful, scornful, ua 
 believin' look that came over my pardner's 
 face, as I said these peaceful words to him. 
 And he added a expletive which I am fur from 
 bein' urged to ever repeat. It wuz sinful. 
 
 " Love 'em !" Agin he sez. And agin 
 follerd a expletive that wuz still more forcible, 
 and still more sinful. And I felt obliged to 
 check him which I did. And after a long par- 
 lay, in which I used my best endeavors of 
 argument and reason to convince him that \ 
 
Picking Daisies. 425 
 
 wuz in the right on't, I see he wuzn't convinced. 
 And then I spoke about its bein' fashionable 
 to get out and pick 'em, and he looked different 
 to once. I could see a change in him. All my 
 arguments of the beauty and sweetness of the 
 posies had no effect, but when I said fashion- 
 able, he faltered, and he sez, "Is it called a 
 genteel diversion ?" 
 
 And I sez', " Yes." 
 
 And finally he sez, " Wall, I s'pose I can go 
 out and pick some for you. Dumb their dumb 
 picters." 
 
 Sez I, " Don't go in that spirit, Josiah 
 Allen." 
 
 " Wall, I shall go in jest that, spirit," he 
 snapped out, " if I go at all." And he went. 
 
 But oh ! it wuz a sight to set and look on, 
 and see the look onto his face, as he picked 
 the innocent blossoms. It wuz a look of such 
 deep loathin', and hatred, combined with a sort 
 of a genteel, fashionable air. 
 
 Altogether it wuz the most curius, and 
 strange look, that I ever see outside of a men- 
 agery of wild animals. And he had that same 
 
43^ 
 
 JosiaKs Crossness. 
 
 look onto his face as he came in and gin 'em 
 to me. He had yanked 'em all np by theii 
 roots too, which made the Bokay look more 
 strange. . But I accepted of it in silence, for I 
 
 see by his 
 mean that he 
 wuz not in a 
 condition to 
 brook another 
 word. 
 
 And I trein 
 bled when a 
 bystander a 
 standin' by, 
 who wuz ar- 
 ran gin' a 
 beau t i f ul 
 bunch of 'em, 
 a handlin' 'em 
 as flowers ort 
 to be handled, as if they, had a soul, and could 
 feel a rough or tender touch, — this man sez to 
 Josiah, "I see that you too love this beautiful 
 blossom." 
 
 It wuz a sight to set and look on, and see 
 the look onto his face, as he picked the inno- 
 cent blossoms. 
 
Painting the Steeple. 431 
 
 I wuz glad the man's eyes wuz riveted onto 
 his Bokay , for the ferocity of Josiah Allen's look 
 wuz sunthin' fearful. He looked as if he could 
 tear him liin' from lim'. 
 
 And I hastily drawed Josiah to a seat at the 
 other end of the car, and voyalently,but firmly, 
 I drawed his attention off onto Religion. ■ . 
 
 I sez, "Josiah; do, you believe we had better 
 paint the steeple of the meetin'-house, white 
 or dark colered ?" . > 
 
 This wuz a subject that had rent Jonesville 
 to its very twain. And Josiah had been fear- 
 fully exercised on it. And this plan of mine 
 succeeded. He got eloquent en it, and ' I 
 kinder held off, and talked offish, and let him 
 convince me. 
 
 I did it from principle. 
 
XV. 
 
 ADVENTURES AT VARIOUS SPRINGS. 
 
 
 Wl3ikM.^fi^>iii&(ri, f «■«■ 
 
 
 FEW days after this, Josiah 
 Allen came in, and sez he, 
 " The Bverlastin' spring is 
 the one for me, Samantha! 
 I believe it will keep me 
 alive for hundreds and hundreds of years.." 
 Sez I, " I don't believe that, Josiah Allen." 
 432 
 
Tired of Living. 433 
 
 "Wall, it is so, whether you believe it or not. 
 
 Why, I see a feller jest now who sez he don't 
 
 . believe anybody would ever die at all, if they 
 
 kep' thernselves kinder wet through all the 
 
 time with this water." 
 
 Sez I, " Josiah Allen, you are not talkin' 
 Bible. The Bible sez, '.all flesh is as grass.' " 
 
 " Wall, that is what he meant ; if the grass 
 wuz watered with that water all the time, it 
 Wouldn't never wilt." 
 
 " Oh, shaw !" sez I. (I seldom say shaw, but 
 this seemed to me a time for shawin'.) 
 
 But Josiah kep' on, for he wuz fearfully ex- 
 cited. Sez he, " Why, the feller said, there 
 wuz a old man who lived right by the side of 
 this spring, and felt the effects of it inside and 
 out all the time, it wuz so healthy there. Why 
 the old man kep' on a livin', and a livin', till 
 he got to be a hundred. And he wuz kinder 
 lazy naturally and he got tired of livin'. He 
 said he wuz tired of gettin' up mornin's and 
 dressin' of him, tired of pullin' on his boots an<? 
 drawin' on his trowses, and he told his grand' 
 son Sam to take him up to Troy and let him die, 
 
 27 
 
434 Tfe Dead Alive. 
 
 " Wall, Sam took him up to Troy, and he 
 died right away, almost. And Sam bein' a 
 good hearted chap, thought it would please the 
 old man to be buried down by the spring, that 
 healthy spot. So he took him back there in a 
 wagon he borrowed. , And when he got clost 
 to the spring, Sam heard a sithe, and he looked 
 back'and there the old gentleman wuz a settin' 
 up a leanin' his head on his elbo and he sez, in 
 a sort of a sad way, not mad, but melancholly, 
 ' You hadn't ort to done it, Sam. You hadn't 
 ort to. I'm in now for another hundred years.' " 
 
 I told Josiah I didn't believe that. Sez I, 
 " I believe the waters are good, very good, and 
 the air is healthy here in -the extreme, but I 
 don't believe that." 
 
 But he said it wuz a fact, and the feller said 
 he could prove it. " Why," Josiah sez, "with 
 the minerals there is in that spring, if yoii 
 only take eriough of it, I don't see 'how any- 
 body can die." And sez Josiah, " I am a goin' 
 to jest live on that water while I am here." 
 
 " Wall," sez I, " you must do as you are a 
 mind to, with fear and tremblin'." 
 
s 
 C 
 
 6 __' 
 
Guzzling the Water. 437 
 
 I thought mebby quo tin' Scripture to him 
 would kinder quell him down, for he wuz fear- 
 fully agitated and wrought up about the Ever- 
 lastin' Spring. And he begun at once to 
 calculate on it, on how much he could drink 
 of it, if he begun early in the mornin', and 
 drinked late at night. 
 
 But I kep' on megum. I drinked the waters 
 that seemed to help me and made me feel better, 
 but wuz megum in it, and didn't get over ex- 
 cited about any on 'em. But oh ! oh ! the 
 quantities of that water that Josiah Allen 
 took! Why, it seemed as if he would make 
 a perfect shipwreck of his own body, and wa3h 
 himself away, tillone day he came in fearful 
 excited agin, and sez he, in agitated axents, 
 " I made a mistake, Samantha. The Immortal 
 spring is the one.for me." 
 
 " Why?" sez I. 
 
 " Oh, I have jest seen a feller that has been 
 a tellin' me about it." 
 
 "What did he say?" sez I, in calm axents'. 
 
 " Wall, I'll tell you. It has acted on my 
 fcelin's dretful." Sez he, "I have shed 
 
v 
 
 438 A Touching Incident. 
 
 some tears," (I see Josiah Allen had been a 
 cryin' when he came in.) 
 
 And I sez agin, " What is it ?" 
 
 " Wall," he said, " this man had a dretful 
 sick wife. And he wuz a carryin' her to the 
 Immortal spring jest as fast as he could, for he 
 felt it would save her, if he could get her to it. 
 But she died a mild and a half from the spring. 
 It wuz night, for he had travelled night and 
 day to get her there, and the tarvens wuz all 
 shut up, and he laid her on the spring-house 
 floor, and laid down himself on one of the 
 benches. He took a drink himself, the last 
 thing before he laid down, for he felt that he 
 must have sunthin' to sustain him in his afflic- 
 tion. 
 
 " Wall, in the night he heard a splashin', 
 and he rousted up, and he see that_ he had left 
 the water kinder careless the night before, and 
 it had broke loose and covered the floor and 
 riz up round the body, and there she wuz, all 
 bright and hearty, a splashin' and a swimmin' 
 round in the water." He said the man cried 
 like a child when he told him of it. 
 
5 
 
 6 
 
 439 
 
Crying in the Wrong Place. 441 
 
 And sez Josiah, " It wuz dretful affectin'. 
 It brought tears from me, to hear on't. I 
 thought what if it had been you, Samantha !" 
 
 " Wall," sez I, " I don't see no occasion for 
 tears, unless you would have been sorry to had 
 me brung to." 
 
 " Oh !" sez Josiah, " I didn't think ! I guess 
 I have cried in the wrong place." 
 
 Sez I coldly, " I should think as much." 
 
 And Josiah put on his hat and hurried out. 
 He meant well. But it is quite a nack foi 
 pardners to know jest when to cry, and when 
 to laff. 
 
 Wall, he follered up that spring, and drinked 
 more, fur more than wuz good for him of that 
 water. And then anon, he would hear of an- 
 other one, and some dretful big story about it, 
 and he would foller that up, and so it went on, 
 he a follerin' on, and I a bein' megum, and 
 drinkin' stiddy, but moderate. And as it might 
 be expected, I gained in health every day, and 
 every hour. For the waters is good, there 
 haint no doubt of it. 
 
 But Josiah takin' 'em as he did, bobbin' round 
 
442 Horror I 
 
 ■from one to the other, drinkin' 'em at all hours 
 of day and night, and floodin' himself out with 
 'em, every one on 'em — why, he lost strength 
 and health every day, till I felt truly, that if it 
 went -on much longer, I should go home in 
 weeds. Not mullein, or burdock, or anything 
 of that sort, but crape. 
 
 But at last a event occurred that sort a sot 
 him to thinkin' and quelled him down some. 
 One day we sotoutfor a walk, Josiah and Ardelia 
 Tutt and me. And in spite of all my protesta- 
 tions, my pardner had drinked n glasses full 
 of the spring he wuz a follerin' then. And he 
 looked white round the lips as anything. And 
 Ardelia and I wuz a settin' in a good shady 
 place, and Josiah a little distance off, when a 
 man ackosted him, a man with black eyes and 
 black whiskers, and sez, " You look pale, Sir. 
 What water are you a drinkin' ?" 
 
 And Josiah told him that at that time he 
 wuz a drinkin' the water from the Immortal 
 spring. 
 
 " Drinkin' that water ?" sez the man, start* 
 in' back horrefied. 
 
Deudly Poison. 443 
 
 " Yes," sez Josiah, turnin' paler than ever, 
 for the man's looks wuz skairful in the ex- 
 treme. 
 
 " Oh ! oh !" groaned the man. " And you are 
 a married man ?" he groaned out meurnfully, 
 a lookin' pitifully at him. " With a family?" 
 
 " Yes," sez Josiah faintly. 
 
 " Oh dear," sez the man, " must it be so, to 
 die, so— so — lamented ?" 
 
 " To die !" sez Josiah, turnin' white jest 
 round the lip. 
 
 " Yes, to die ! Did you not say you had been 
 a drinkin' the water from the Immortal 
 spring?" 
 
 " Yes," sez Josiah. 
 
 " Wall, it is a certain, a deadly poison." 
 
 " Haint there no help for me ?" sez Josiah. 
 
 " Yes," sez the man, " you must drink from 
 the Live-forever spring, at the other end of 
 the village. That water has the happy effect 
 of neutralizin' the poisons of the Immortal 
 spring. If anything can save you, that can. 
 Why," sez he, " folks that have been entirely 
 broke down, and made helpless and hopeless 
 
444 Wonderful Waters. 
 
 invalids, them that have been brung down on 
 their death-beds by the use of that vile Im- 
 mortal water, have been cured by a few glasses 
 of the pure healin' waters of the Live-forever 
 spring. I'd advise you for your own sake, 
 and the sake of your family, who would mourn 
 your ontimely decese, to drink from that 
 spring at once." 
 
 " But," sez Josiah with a agonized and hope* 
 less look, " I can't drink no more now." 
 
 " Why ?" sez the man. 
 
 " Because I don't hold any more. I don't 
 hold but two quarts, and I have drinked n 
 tumblers full now." 
 
 " Eleven glasses of that poison ?" sez the 
 man. 
 
 " Wall, if it is too late I am not to blame. 
 I've warned you. Farewell," sez he, a graspin' 
 holt of Josiah's hand. " Farewell, forever. 
 But if you do live," sez he, "if by a mericle you 
 are saved, remember the Live-forever spring. 
 If there is any help for you it is in them waters." 
 
 And he dashed away, for another stranger 
 wuz approachin' the seen. 
 
We must be Megum. 445 
 
 I, myself, didn't have no idee that Josiah 
 wnz a goin' to die. But Ardelia whispered to 
 me, she must go back to the hotel, so she went. 
 I see she looked kinder strange, and I didn't 
 object to it. And when we got back she handed 
 me these verses. 
 
 She had been a cfyin'. The verses wuz as 
 follers, and ensues : 
 
 " Stanzas on the death of Josiah Allen." 
 
 She handed 'em to me, and hastened away, 
 quick. But Josiah Allen didn't die. And this 
 incident made him more megum. More as I 
 wanted him to be. Why, you have to be me- 
 gum in everything, no matter how good it is. 
 Milk porridge, or the Bible, or anything. You 
 can kill yourself on milk porridge if you drink 
 enough. And you can set down and read the 
 Bible, till you grow to your chair, and lose 
 your eyesight. 
 
 Now these waters are dretful good, but you 
 have got to use some megumness with 'em, it 
 stands to reason you have. Taint megum to 
 drink from 10 to 12 glasses at a time, and mix 
 your drinks goin' round from spring to spring 
 
44^ Using the Waters. 
 
 like a luny. No ; get a good doctor to tell 
 you what minerals you seem to stand in need 
 on the most, and then try to get 'em with feat 
 and tremblin'. You'll get help I haint a doubt 
 on't. For they are dretful good for varius 
 things that afflict the human body. Dretful I 
 These are the verses of Ardelia : 
 
 •« STANZAS ON THE DEATH OF JOSIAH 
 ALLEN. 
 
 " Oh ! angel man that erst did live and move, 
 
 Thy wings close furled within a broad cloth vest, 
 With cambric back, oh, soul of love 
 That in those depths reposed — Alas why wrest 
 
 Why wildly tear, 
 
 " Oh death, that soul, white nigh upon as snow, 
 " From body, small perhaps, by stillyards weighed, 
 And full as light complexioned, as men go, 
 As is the common run of men, arrayed, 
 
 Oh yes, arrayed, 
 
 ** In graces full he wentest to his fate, 
 
 His doom wuz pure as men's dooms ever are ; 
 Not by the brandy bottle fell he desolate 
 No, by sweet water fell he, with a noble air, 
 
 Apd breath of bain. 
 
, ..^' mm 
 
 :-G"- • 
 
 
 St*** 
 
 1 < *;-.-v_ »%*3 
 
 
 
 •/'■■^;-.iT ^ 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 The Champion Spouting Sprin*. 
 
Obituary Poetry. 449 
 
 u Not with a feud with neighbor foe he fell 
 Nor scaffolds did he tread with aching feet 
 Nor arson he, nor rapine down the dell, 
 No, pure white soul, he fell by water sweet ; 
 
 All innocent 
 
 •* Had whisky strong his slight form overthrew — 
 We'd weep with finger hiding all our face, 
 To think a sling should slung at him and slew, 
 But no, by water fell he, no disgrace — 
 
 No direful sham*. 
 
 " Rests on his tomb, his bride ; the world around, 
 Methinks a world might wish to fall like him 
 The prophets of old time who smiled and frowned 
 Could court such fate, we feel Abim — 
 
 We feel Abim— 
 
 " ilek, or Job, might be content to die 
 
 With crystal water, drunken from a glass, 
 Held by a boy, and no great quantitie 
 Drunk he, not over nine in all, alas, 
 
 Or ten, or 'leven. 
 
 ** Oh, spring, oh, magnesie percipitate 
 
 And sodium and iron — and everything, 
 Methinks ye'll sadder feel, since his sad fate 
 Who drunk thee up, not thinking anything — 
 
 We do suppose— 
 
45° A Mound of Verse. 
 
 " Not anything of poison ye might keep 
 
 Might hold within thy crystal foaming: breast 
 Why did he not the other spring drink deep, 
 And live ? But oh I why ask ? sweet angel spirit real 
 
 From water fat, 
 
 " Dear man, we raise this mound of verse o'er thee, 
 Would that 'twere higher, and more fiery bright, 
 We will, we will, while nations disagree, 
 Sit down and write as many as it seemeth right 
 
 Unto his wife." 
 
 On the other side of the paper, as if wrote 
 later, wuz the follerin' lines. Ardelia is truth- 
 ful. This is her strong point, that and hei 
 ambition. 
 
 «« MY OWN LAY ON A SPRING. 
 
 " BY ARDEUA TUTT. 
 
 " Oh who can tell when air is full of warn 
 
 What crystal drop shall speed us to our fate, 
 And I alas, so blind, shall still drink on, 
 Shall drink thee early, and shall drink thee late 
 
 From every spring. 
 
 * Shall drink as many glasses as I hold, 
 
 One quart, or two, as fate shall thus decree, 
 
Lay on a Spring. 
 
 45 
 
 Some are but vessels weak, some bold 
 And dauntless, hold from two quarts up to three, 
 
 Or thereabouts. 
 
 Shall drink from wells all gemmed with crystal rays 
 With golden sheen, up sparkling to the rim, 
 
 And that is pure and clear to outward gaze 
 With hathorn bending gently o'er the brim 
 
 And every sort." 
 
XVI. 
 
 AT A LAWN PARTY. 
 
 mm ' - i 
 
 1 mmilm 
 
 
 ALL, the very next morn- 
 in ; Miss Flamm sent word 
 for Josiah and me to come 
 that night to a lawn par- 
 ty. And I'sez at once, "I must go and get 
 some lawn, " 
 
 Sez Josiah, "What will you do with it?" 
 
 454 
 
Lawn for Lawn Parties. 455 
 
 And I sez, " Oh, I s'pose I shall wrap it 
 round me, I'll do what the rest do." 
 
 And sez Josiah, " Hadn't I ort to have some 
 too ? If it is a lawn party and every body else 
 has it, I shall feel like a fool, without any 
 lawn." 
 
 And I looked at him in deep thought, and 
 through him into the causes and consequences 
 of things, and sez I, "I s'pose you do ort to 
 . have a lawn necktie, or handkerchief, or sun- 
 thin'." 
 
 Sez he, " How would a vest look made out 
 of it, a kinder sprigged one, light gay colors 
 on a yaller ground work ?" 
 
 But I sez at once., "You never will go out 
 with me, Josiah, with a lawn vest on." And I 
 settled it right there on the spot. 
 
 Then he proposed to have some wrapped 
 round his hat, -sort a festooned. But I stood 
 like marble aginst that idee. But I knew I 
 had got to have some lawn, and pretty soon 
 we sallied out together and wended our way 
 down to where I should he likely to find a 
 lawn store. 
 
456 A Mournful Musician. 
 
 And who should we meet a comin' out of a 
 store but Ardelia. Her 3d cousin had sent her 
 over to get a ingregient for cookin'. Good, 
 willin', little creeter ! She walked along with 
 ns for a spell. And while she wuz a walkin' 
 along -with us, we come onto a sight that 
 always looked pitiful to me, the old female 
 that wuz always a sittin' there a singin' and 
 playin' on a accordeun. And it seemed to me 
 that she looked pitifuller and homblier than 
 ever, as she sot there amongst the dense crowd 
 that mornin', a singin' and a playin'. Her 
 tone wuz thin, thin as gauze, hombly gauze 
 too. But I wondered to myself, how she wuz 
 a feelin' inside of her own mind, and what 
 voices she heard a speakin' to her own soiil, 
 through them hombly strains. And, ontirely 
 unbeknown to myself, I fell into a short revery 
 (short but deep) right there in the street, as I 
 looked down on her, a settin' there so old, and 
 patient and helpless, amongst the gay movin' 
 throng. 
 
 And I wondered what did she see, a settin* 
 there with her blind eyes, what did she heav 
 
Days that are Gone. 
 
 457 
 
 through them hombly tones that she wuz a 
 singin' day after day to a crowd that wuz in- 
 different to her, or despised her ? Did she hear 
 the song of the mornin', the spring time of 
 life ? Did 
 the song of 
 a lark come 
 back to her, 
 a lark flyin' 
 up through 
 the sweet 
 mornin' sky 
 over the 
 door-way 
 of a home, 
 a lark 
 watched by 
 young eyes, 
 two pairs of 
 'em, that made the seein' a blessedness ? Did 
 a baby's first, sweet blunders of speech, and 
 happy laughter come back to her, as she sot 
 there a drawin' out with her wrinkled hands 
 them miserable sounds from the groanin' 
 
 She sot there a singin' and a playin'. 
 
45*5 What May Yet Come. 
 
 instrument? Did home, love, happiness sound 
 out to her, out of them hombly strains ? I'd 
 have gin a cent to know. 
 
 And I'd have gin a cent quick to know if the 
 tread — tread — tread of the crowd goin' past 
 her day after day, hour after hour, seems to her 
 like the trample of Time a marchin' on. Did 
 she hear in 'em the footsteps of child, or lover, 
 or friend, a steppin' away from her, and youth, 
 and happiness, and hope, a stiddy goin' away 
 from her? 
 
 Did she ever listen through the constant 
 sound of them steps, listen to hear the tread 
 of them feet that she must know wuz a comin' 
 nigh to her — the icy feet that will approach 
 ,us, if their way leads over rocks, or roses? 
 
 Did she hate to hear them steps a comin' 
 nearer to her, or did she strain her ears to hear 
 'em, to welcome 'em ? I thought like as not 
 she did. For thinkses I to myself, and couldn't 
 help it, if she is a Christian she must be glad 
 to change that old accordeun for a harp of any 
 size or shape. For mournfuller and more 
 melancholy sounds than her voice and that 
 
Misreading Signs. 459 
 
 instrument made I never hearn, nor ever ex. 
 pect to hear, and thin. 
 
 Poor, old, hombly critter, I gin her quite 
 a lot of change one day, and she braced up and 
 sung and drawed out faster than ever, and thin- 
 ner. Though I'd have gladly hearn her stop. 
 
 When I come up out of my revery, I see 
 Ardelia a lookin' at her stiddy and kind a sot. 
 And I mistrusted trouble wuz ahead on me, 
 and I hurried Josiah down the street. Ardeli ; 
 a sayin' she had got to turn the corner, tc g.j 
 to another place for her 3d cousin. 
 
 Jest as we wuz a crossin' a street my com- 
 panion drawed my attention to a sign that 
 was jest overhead, and sez he, " That means 
 me^I'm spoke of right out, and hung up over 
 head." 
 
 And, sez I, " What do you mean ?" 
 
 Sez he, "Read it— 'The First Man-I-Cure 
 Of The Day.' That's me, Samantha ; I haint 
 a doubt of it. And I s'pose I ort to go in and 
 be cured. I s'pose probably it will be expected 
 of me, that I should go in, and let him look at 
 my corns." 
 
460 Settling Josiak. 
 
 Sez I, "Josiah Allen, I've heard you talk 
 time and agin aginst big feelin' folks, and 
 here you be, a talkin' it right to yourself, and 
 callin' yourself the first man of the day." 
 
 " Wall," sez he firmly, " I believe it, and I 
 believe you do, and you'd own up to it, if you 
 wuzn't so agravatin'." 
 
 " Wall," sez I mildly, " I do think you are 
 the first in some things, though what them 
 things are, I would be fur from wantin' to tell 
 you. But," I continued on, " I don't see you 
 should think that means you. Saratoga is full 
 of men, and most probable every man of 'em 
 thinks it means him." 
 
 " Wall," sez he, " I don't think it means me, 
 I know it. And I s'pose," he continued dreamly, 
 " they'd cure me, and not charge a cent." 
 
 "Wall," sez I, "wait till another time, 
 Josiah Allen." And jest at this minute, right 
 down under our feet, we see the word " Pray," 
 in big letters scraped right out in stun. And 
 Josiah sez, " I wonder if the dumb fools think 
 anybody is goin' to kneel down right here in 
 the street, and be run over. Why a man would 
 
A Garden Party. 461 
 
 be knocked over a dozen times, before he got 
 through one prayer, Now I lay me down to 
 sleep, or anything." 
 
 "Wall," sez I mildly, "I don't think that 
 would be a very suitable prayer under the cir- 
 cumstances. It haint expected that you'd lay 
 down here for a nap — howsumever," sez I ree- 
 sunably — "their puttin' the word there shows 
 what good streaks the folks. here have, and I 
 don't want you to make light on't, and if you 
 don't want to act like a perfect backslider 
 you'll ceese usin' such profane language on 
 such a solemn subject." 
 
 Wall, we went into a good lookin' store and 
 I wuz jest a lookin' at some lawn and a won- 
 derin' how many yards I should want, when 
 who should come in but Miss Flainm to get a 
 rooch for her neck. 
 
 And she told me that I didn't need any 
 lawn, and that it wuz a Garden party, and 
 folks dressed in anything they wuz a mind to, 
 though sez she, "A good many go in full dress." 
 
 " Wall'," sez I calmly, " I have got one." 
 A.nd she told me to come in good season. 
 
462 
 
 A Very Full Dress. 
 
 That afternoon, Josiah a bein' out for a walk, 
 I took out of my trunk a dress that Alminy 
 Hagidon had made for me out of a very full 
 pattern I had got of a peddler, and wanted it 
 
 I took out of my trunk a dress that Alminy Hagidon had made for ms 
 out of a very full pattern. 
 
 all put in, so's it would fade all alike, for I 
 mistrusted it wouldn't wash. It wuz gethered- 
 in full round the waist, and the sleeves wuz 
 set-in full, and the waist wuz kinder full be* 
 
fust the Thing. 463 
 
 fore, and it had a deep high ruffle gethered-in 
 full round the neck. It wuz a very full dress, 
 though I haint proud, and never wuz called so. 
 Yet anybody duz take a modest pleasure in 
 bein' equal to any occasion and comin' up 
 nobly to a emergency. And I own that I did 
 say to myself, as I pulled out the gethers in 
 front, " Wall, there may be full dresses there 
 to-night, but there will be none fuller than 
 mine." 
 
 And I wuz glad that Alminy had made it 
 jest as she had. She had made it a little 
 fuller than even I had laid out to have it, 
 for she mistrusted it would shrink in washin'. 
 It wuz a- very full dress. It wuz cambriek, 
 dark chocolate, with a set flower of a kind of a 
 cinnamon brown and yellow, it wuz bran new 
 and looked well. 
 
 ' Wall, I had got it on, and wuz contemplat- 
 in' its fullness with complacency and a hand- 
 glass, a seein' how nobly it stood out behind, 
 and how full it wuz, when Josiah Allen came 
 in. I had talked it over with him, before he 
 went out — and he wuz as tickled as I wuz, and 
 
464 Josiak's Ambitions. 
 
 tickleder, to think I had got jest the right dress 
 for the occasion. But he sez to me the first 
 thing — "You are all wrong, Samantha, full 
 dress means low neck and short sleeves." 
 
 Sez I, " I know better !" 
 
 Sez he, " It duz." , 
 
 Sez I, "Somebody has been a foolin' you, 
 Josiah Allen! There haint no sense in it. Do 
 you s'pose folks would call a dress full, when 
 there wuzn't more'n half a waist and sleeves 
 to it. I'd try to use a little judgment, Josiah 
 Allen !" 
 
 But he contended that he wuz in the right 
 on't. And he took up his best vest that lay 
 on the bed, and sot down, and took out his 
 jack knife and went a rippin' open one of the 
 shoulders, and sez I, " What are you doin', 
 Josiah Allen ?" 
 
 "Why, you can do as you are a mind to, 
 Samantha Allen," sez he. "But I shall go fash- 
 ionable, I shall go in full dress." 
 
 Sez I, "Josiah Allen ! do you look me in the 
 face and say you are a goin' in a low necked 
 vest, and everything, to that party to-night ?" 
 
Bound to be Fashionable. 465 
 
 "Yes, mom, I be. I am bound to be fashion- 
 able." And he went to rollin' up his shirt 
 sleeves and turnin' in the neck of his shirt, 
 in a manner that wuz perfectly immodest." 
 
 I turned my head away instinctively, for I felt 
 that my cheek wuz a gettin' as red as blood, 
 partly through delicacy and partly through 
 righteous anger. Sez I, " Josiah Allen, be 
 you a calculatin' to go there right out in pub- 
 lic before men and wimrnen, a showin' your 
 bare bosom to a crowd ? Where is your 
 modesty, Josiah Allen ? Where is your de- 
 cency ?" 
 
 Sez he firmly, " I keep 'em where all the 
 rest do, who go in full dress." 
 
 I sot right down in a chair and sez I, " Wall 
 there is one thing certain ; if you go in that 
 condition, you will go alone. Why," sez I, 
 " to home, if Tirzah Ann, your own daughter, 
 had ketched you in that perdickerment, a rub- 
 bin' on linement or anything, you would have 
 jumped and covered yourself up, quicker'n a 
 flash, and likeways me, before Thomas Jeffer- 
 son. And now you lay out to go in that way 
 
466 
 
 All for Men. 
 
 before young girls, and old ones, and men 
 and wimmen, and want me to foller on aftef 
 your example. What in the world are you a 
 
 thinkin' on, Jo- 
 siah Allen?" 
 
 "Why I'm a 
 thinkin' on full 
 dress," sez he 
 in a pert tone, 
 a kinder turn- 
 in' himself be- 
 fore the glass, 
 where he could 
 get a good view 
 of his' bones. 
 His thin neck 
 wuzn't much 
 more th an 
 bones, anyway, 
 and so I told 
 him. And I 
 asked him if he could see any beauty in it, 
 and sez I, " Who wants to look at our old bare 
 necks, Josiah Allen ? And if there wuzn't any 
 
 "I am a thinkin' on full dress," sez he, a 
 kinder turnin' himself before the glass, where 
 he could get a good view of his bones. 
 
Groans and Sighs. 467 
 
 other powerful reeson of modesty and decency 
 in it, you'd ketch your death cold, Josiah 
 A-Hen, and be laid up with the newmoan. You 
 know you would," sez I, " you are actin' like 
 a luny, Josiah Allen." 
 
 " It is you that are actin' like a luny," sez 
 he bitterly. " I never propose anything of a 
 high fashionable kind but what you want to 
 break it up. Why, dumb it all, you know as 
 well as I do, that men haint called as modest 
 as wimmen anyway. And if they have the 
 name, why shouldn't they have the game ? 
 Why shouldn't they go round half dressed 
 as well as wimmen do? And they are as 
 strong agin ; if there is any danger to health 
 in it they are better able to stand it. But," 
 sez he, in the same bitter axents, " you always 
 try to break up all my efforts at high life and 
 fashion. I persume you won't waltz to-night, 
 nor want me to." 
 
 I groaned several times in spite of myself, 
 and sithed, " Waltz !" sez I in awful axents. 
 " A class-leader ! and a grandfather 1 and 
 talkin' about waltzin' 1" 
 2 
 
468 He Surrenders. 
 
 Sez Josiah, " Men older than me waltz, and 
 foller it up. Put their arms right round the 
 prettiest girls in the room, hug 'em, and swing 
 'em right round " — sez he kinder spoony like. 
 
 I said nothing at them fearful words, only 
 my groans and sithes became deeper and more 
 voyalent. And in a minute I see through the 
 fingers with which I had nearly covered my 
 face, that he wuz a pullin' down his shirt 
 sleeves and a puttin' his jack knife in his 
 pocket. 
 
 That man loves me. And love sways him 
 round often times when reesun and sound 
 argument are powerless. Now, the sound 
 reason of the case didn't move him, such as 
 the indelicacy of makin' a exhibition of one's 
 self in a way that would, if displayed in a 
 heathen, be a call for missionarys to convert 
 'em, and that makes men blush when they 
 see it in a Christian woman. 
 
 The sound reason of its bein' the fruitful 
 cause of disease and death, through the se»se« 
 less exposure. 
 
 The sound reason of the worse than folljf \*f 
 
Reason Powerless. 469 
 
 old and middle aged folks thinkin' that the 
 exhibition is a pretty one when it haint. 
 
 The sound reason of its bein' inconsistent 
 for a woman to allow the familiarity of a man 
 and a stranger a walkin' up and puttin' his 
 arm round her, and huggin' her up to him as 
 clost as he can ; that act, that a woman 
 would resent as a deadly insult and her in- 
 censed relatives avenge with the sword, if it 
 occurred in any other place than the ball- 
 room, and at the sound of the fiddle. The 
 utter inconsistency of her meetin' it with 
 smiles, and making frantic efforts to get more 
 such affronts than any other woman present 
 — -her male relatives a lookin' proudly on. 
 
 The inconsistency of a man's bein' not only 
 held guiltless but applauded for doin' what, 
 if it took place in the street, or church, would 
 make him outlawed, for where is there a lot 
 of manly men who would look on calmly; and 
 see a sweet young girl insulted by a man's 
 ketchin' holt of her and embracin' of her 
 tightly for half an hour, — why, he would be 
 turned out of his club and outlawed from 
 
47° What Fiddles Do. 
 
 Christian homes if it took place in silence 
 but yet the sound of a fiddle makes it all 
 right. 
 
 And I sez to myself mildly, as I sot there, 
 " Is it that men andwimmen loses their senses, 
 or is there a sacredness in the strains of that 
 fiddle, that makes immodesty modest, inde- 
 cency decent, and immorality moral ?" And 
 agin I sithed. heavy and gin 3 deep groans. 
 And I see Josiah gin in. All the sound rea- 
 sons weighed as nothin' with him, but 2 or 3 
 groans, and a few sithes settled the matter. 
 Truly Love is the mighty conqueror. 
 
 And anon Josiah spoke and sez, " Wall, I 
 s'pose I can gin it all up, if you feel so about 
 it, but we shall act like fools, Samantha, and 
 look like 'em." 
 
 Sez I sternly, " Better be fools than naves, 
 Josiah Allen ! if we have got to be one or the 
 other, but we haint. We are a standin' on 
 firm ground, Josiah Allen," sez I. " The 
 platform made of the boards of consistency, 
 and common sense, and decency, is one that 
 will never break down and let you through it, 
 
A Sight to Behold. 471 
 
 into gulfs and abysses. And on that platform 
 we will both stand to-night, dear Josiah." 
 
 I think it is always best when a pardner has 
 gin in and you have had a triumph of principle, 
 to be bland ; blander than common to him. I 
 always love at such times to round my words 
 to him with a sweet affectionateness of mean. 
 I love to, and he loves it. 
 
 We sot out in good season for the Garden 
 party. And it wuz indeed a sight to behold ! 
 But I did not at that first minute have a chance 
 to sense it, for Miss Flamm sent her hired girl 
 out to ask me to come to her room for a few 
 minutes. Miss Flamm's house is a under- 
 goin' repairs for a few weeks, sunthin' had gin 
 out in the water works, so she and her hired 
 girl have been to this tarven for the time bein'. 
 The hired girl got us some good seats and 
 tellin' Josiah to keep one on 'em for me, I 
 follerd the girl, or " maid," as Miss Flamm 
 calls her. But good land ! if she is a old 
 inaid, I don't see where the young ones be. 
 
 Miss Flamm had sent for me, so she said, 
 to see if I wanted to ride out the next day, and 
 
472 "A Foamitf and a SAt'nzn\" 
 
 what time would be the most convenient to 
 me, and also, to see how I liked her dress. She 
 didn't know as she should see me down below, 
 in the crowd, and she wanted me to see it. 
 (Miss Flamm uses me dretful well, but I s'pose 
 ^ds of it, is on Thomas J.'s account. Some 
 folks think she is goin' to have another law- 
 suit, and I am glad enough to have him 
 convey her lawsuits, for they are good, honerable 
 ones, and she pays him splendid for carryin' 
 'em.) 
 
 Wall, she had her skirts all on when I went 
 in, all a foamin' and a shinin', down onto the 
 carpet, in a glitterin' pile of pink satin and 
 white lace, and posys. Gorgus enough for a 
 princess. 
 
 And I didn't mind it much, bein' only 
 females present, if she wuz exposin' of herself 
 a good deal. I kinder blushed a little as I 
 looked at her, and kep' my eyes down on her 
 skirts all I could, and thinkses I to myself, — 
 " What if G. Washington should come in ? 
 1 shouldn't know which way to look." But 
 Aiien the very next minute, I says to myself, 
 
ST 
 ft 
 
Where is the Waist? 475 
 
 "Of course lie won't be in till she gets her 
 waist on. I'm a borrowin' trouble for nothing 
 
 At last Miss Flarnm spoke and says she, as she 
 kinder craned herself before the glass, a lookin' 
 at her back (most the hull length on it bare, 
 as I am a livin' creeter) ; and says she, " How 
 do you like my dress?" 
 
 "Oh," says I, wantin' to make myself agree- 
 able (both on account of principle, and the law- 
 suit), "the skirts are beautiful, but I can't judge 
 how the hull dress looks, you know, till you 
 get your waist on." 
 
 " My waist ?" says she. 
 
 " Yes," says I. 
 
 " I have got it on," says she. 
 
 " Where is it ?" says I, a lookin' at her close* 
 through my specks, "Where is the waist?" 
 
 " Here," says she, a pintin' to a pink belt rib- 
 bon, and a string of beads over each shoulder. 
 
 Says I, " Miss Flamm, do you call that a 
 waist?" 
 
 " Yes," says she, and she balanced herself 
 on her little pink tottlin' slippers. She couldn't 
 walk in 'em a good honerable walk to save 
 
476 Rather Low. 
 
 her life. How could she, with the instep not 
 over two inches acrost, and the heels right 
 under the middle of her foot, more'n a 
 finger high? Good land, they wuz enuff to 
 lame a Injun savage, and curb him in. But 
 she sort o' balanced herself onto 'em, the best 
 she could, and put her hands round her waist 
 — it wuzn't much bigger than a pipe stem, 
 and sort o' bulgin' out both ways, above and 
 below, some like a string tied tight round a 
 piller, — and says she complacently, " I don't 
 believe there will be a dress shown to-night 
 more stylish and beautiful than mine."* 
 
 Says I, " Do you tell me, Miss Flamm, that 
 you are a goin' down into that crowd of pro- 
 miscus men and wimmen, with nothin' but 
 them strings on to cover you?" Says I, "Do 
 you tell me that, and you a perfesser and a 
 Christian ?" 
 
 " Yes," says she, " I paid 300 dollars for 
 this dress, and it haint likely I am goin' to 
 miss the chance of showin' it off to the other 
 wimmen who will envy me the possession of 
 it. To be sure," says she, " it is a little lowei 
 
A Wrathful Separation. 477 
 
 tfuttt Americans usually wear. But in fashion, 
 • as in anything else, somebody has got to go 
 ahead. This is the very heighth of fashion," 
 says sh<- 
 
 Says I in witherin' and burnin' skorn, " It 
 is the heighth of immodesty." 
 
 And I jest turned my back right ont' her, 
 and sailed out of the room. I wuzn't agoin' 
 to stand that, lawsuit or no lawsuit. I wuz all 
 worked up in my mind, and by the side of my- 
 self, and I didn't get over it for some time, 
 neither. 
 
 Wall, I found my companion seated in that 
 comfertable place, and a keepin' my chair for 
 me, and so I sot down by him, and. truly we 
 sot still, and see the glory, and the magnifi- 
 cence on every side on us. There wuz 3 
 piazzas about as long as from our house to 
 Jonesville, or from Jonesville to Loontown, 
 all filled with folks magnificently dressed, and 
 a big garden layin' between 'em about as big 
 as from our house to Miss Gowdey's, and so 
 round cross ways to Alminy Hagidone's 
 brother's, and back agin. It wuz full as fur as 
 
478 Colored Waters. 
 
 that, and you know well that that is a great 
 distance. 
 
 There wuz some big noble trees, all twink- 
 lin' full of lights, of every coler, and rows of 
 shinin' lights, criss crossed every way, or that 
 is, every beautiful way, from the high orni- 
 mental pillers of the immense house, that 
 loomed up in the distance round us on every 
 side, same as the mountains loom up round 
 Loontown. 
 
 There wuz a big platform built in the mid- 
 dle of the garden, with sweet music discoursin' 
 from it the most enchantin' strains. And the 
 fountains wuz sprayin' out the most beautiful 
 colers you ever see in your life, and fallin' 
 down in pink, and yellow, and gold, and green, 
 and amber, and silver water ; sparklin' down 
 onto the green beautiful ferns and flowers that 
 loved to grow round the big marble basin which 
 shone white, risin' out of the green velvet of 
 the grass. 
 
 Josiah looked at that water, and sez he, 
 " Samantha, I'd love to get some of that water 
 to pass rOundevenin's when we have company." 
 
Gorgeous Throngs. .479 
 
 Sez lie, " It would look so dressy and fashion- 
 able to pass round pink water, or light blue, 
 or light yellef. How it would make Uncle 
 Nate Gowdey open his eyes. I believe I shall 
 buy some bottles of it, Samantha, to take home. 
 What do you say ? I don't s'pose it would 
 cost such a dretful sight, do you?" 
 
 Sez he, " I s'pose all they have to do is to 
 put pumps down into a pink spring, or a yeller 
 one, as the case may be, and pump. And I 
 would be willin' to pump it up myself, if it 
 would come cheaper." 
 
 But my companion soon forgot to foller up 
 the theme in lookin' about him onto the mag- 
 nificent seen, and a seein' the throngs of men 
 and wimmen growin' more and more denser, 
 and every crowd on 'em that swept by us, and 
 round us, and before us, a growin' more gorgus 
 in dress, or so it seemed to us. Gemms of 
 every gOrgus coler under the heavens and 
 some jest the coler of the heavens when it is 
 blue and shinin', or when it is purplish dark 
 in the night time, or when it is full of white 
 fleecy clouds, or when it is a shinin' with stars. 
 
480 Crushed 'Waists. 
 
 Why, one woman had so many diamonds on 
 that she had a detective follerin ? her all round 
 wherevei she went. She wuz a blaze of splendor 
 and so wuz lots of 'em, though like the stars, 
 they differed from eac"h other in glory. 
 
 But whatever coler their gowns wuz, in one 
 thing they wuz most all alike— most all of 
 ,'em had waists all drawed in tight, but a bulg- 
 iu' out on each side, more or less as the case 
 .might be. Why some of them waists wuzn't 
 much bigger than pipes' tails and so I told 
 Josiah. 
 
 And he whispered back to me, and sez he, 
 "I wonder if them wimmen with wasp waists, 
 think that we men like the looks on 'em. 
 They make a dumb mistake if they do. Why," 
 sez he, "we men know what they be ; we know 
 they are nothin' but crushed bones and flesh " 
 Sez he, "I could make my own waist look jest 
 like 'em, if I should take a rope and strap my- 
 self down." 
 
 "Wall," sez I in agitated axents, " don't you 
 try to go into no such enterprise, Josiah Allen." 
 
 I remembered the eppisode of the afternoon, 
 
Small Feet. 481 
 
 and I sez in anxins axents, and affectionate, 
 "Besides not lookin' well, it is dangerous, 
 awful dangerous. And how I should blush," 
 sez I, " if I wuz to see you with a leather 
 strap or a rope round your waist under your 
 coat, a drawin' you in ; a changin' your good 
 honerable shape. And God made men's and 
 wimmen's waists jest alike in the first place, 
 and it is jest as smart for men to deform them- 
 selves in that way as it is for wimmen. But 
 oh, the agony of my soul if I should see you 
 a tryin' to disfigure yourself in that way." 
 
 " You needn't be afraid, Samantha," sez he, 
 " I am dressy, and always wuz, but I haint 
 such a fool as that, as to kill myself in perfect 
 agony, for fashion." 
 
 I didn't say nothin' but instinctively I looked 
 down at his^feet, " Oh, you needn't look at my 
 feet, Samantha, feet are very different from the 
 heart, and lungs, and such. You can squeeze 
 your feet down, and not hurt much more'n the 
 flesh and bones. But you are a destroyin' the 
 very seat of life when you draw your waist in 
 as them wimmen do. 
 
4$2 Why Men are Stronger. 
 
 "I know it," sez I, " but I wouldn't torture 
 myself in any way if I wuz in your place." 
 
 " I don't lay out to," sez he. " I haint a 
 goin' to wear corsets, it haint at all probable I 
 shall, though I am better able to stand it, than 
 wimmen be. 
 
 " I know that," sez I. " I know men are 
 stronger and better able to bear the strain of 
 bein' drawed in and tapered." I am reeson- 
 able, and will ever speak truthful and honest, 
 and this I couldn't deny and didn't try to. 
 
 " Wall, dumb it, what makes men stronger ?" 
 sez he. 
 
 " Why," sez I, " I s'pose one great thing is 
 their dressin' comfortable." 
 
 " Wall, I am glad you know enough to know 
 it," sez he. " Why," sez- he, "jest imagine a 
 man tyin' a rope round his waist, round and 
 round ; or worse yet, take strong steel, and 
 whalebones, and bind and choke himself down 
 with 'em, and tottlin' himself up on high heel 
 slippers, the high heels comin' right up in the 
 ball of his foot — and then havin' heavy skirts a 
 holdin' him down, tied back tight round his 
 
Anxiety Allayed. 483 
 
 knees and draggin' along on the ground at hig 
 feet, — imagine me in that psrdickerinent, Sa- 
 iiantha." 
 
 I shuddered, and sez I, " Don't bring up no 
 tuch seen to harrow up my nerve." Sez I, 
 H Yon know I couldn't stand it, to see you a 
 facin' life and its' solemn responsibilities in 
 that condition. It would kill me to witness 
 your sufferin'," sez I. And agin I shuddered, 
 and agin I sithed. 
 
 And he sez, "Wall, it is jest as reasonable 
 for a man to do it as for a woman ; it is far 
 worse and more dangerous for a woman than 
 a man." 
 
 " I know it," sez I, between my sithes. " I 
 know it, but I can't, I can't stand it, to have 
 you go into it." 
 
 "Wall, you needn't worry, Samantha, I 
 haint a fool. You won't ketch men a goin' 
 into any such performances as this, they know 
 too much." And then he resumed on in a 
 lighter axent, to get my mind still further off 
 from his danger, for I wuz still a sithin', fre- 
 quent and deep. 
 
484 Significant Blushes. 
 
 Sez he, as lie looked down and see somt 
 wimnien a passin' below; sez he, " I never see 
 such a sight in my life, a man can see more 
 here in one evenin' than he can in a life time 
 at Jonesville." 
 
 "That is so, Josiah," sez I, "you can." And 
 I felt every word I said, for at that very 
 minute a lady, or rather a female woman, 
 passed with a dress on so low in the neck that 
 I instinctively turned away my head, and when 
 I looked round agin, a deep blush wuz mantlin' 
 the cheeks of Josiah Allen, a flushin' up bis 
 face, clear up into his bald head. 
 
 I don't believe I had ever been prouder of 
 Josiah Allen, than I wuz at that minute. That 
 blush, spoke plainer than words could, of the 
 purity and soundness of my pardner's morals. 
 If the whole nation had stood up in front of 
 me at that time, and told me his morals wuz 
 a tottlin', I would have scorned the sugges- 
 tion. No, that blush telegraphed to me right 
 from his soul, the sweet tidin's of 'his modesty 
 and worth. 
 
 And I couldn't refrain from sayin' in ea« 
 
JosiaWs Gratitude. 485 
 
 oouragin', happy axents, " Haint you glad 
 now, Josiah Allen, that you listened to your 
 pardner ; haint you glad that you haint a goin' 
 round in a low necked coat and vest, a callin* 
 up the blush of skern and outraged modesty 
 to the cheeks of noble and modest men?" 
 
 "Yes," sez he, graspin' holt of my hand in 
 the warmth of his gratitude, for he see what I 
 had kep' him from. "Yes, you wuz in the 
 right on't, Samantha. I see the awfulness of 
 the peril from which you rescued of me. But 
 never," sez he, a lookin' down agin over the 
 railin', onto some more wimmen a passin' be- 
 neath, "never did I see what I have seen here 
 to-night. Not," sez he dreemily, " sense I 
 wuz a baby." 
 
 "Wall," sez I, "don't try to look, Josiah; 
 turn your eyes away." 
 
 And I believe he did try to — though such is 
 the fascination of a known danger in front of 
 you, that it is hard to keep yourself from con- 
 templatin' of it. But he tried to. And he 
 tried to not look at the waltzin' no more than 
 he could help, and I did too. But in spite of 
 
486 Wrath at the Walts. 
 
 himself lie had to see how clost the young 
 girls wuz held ; how warmly the young men 
 embraced 'em. And as he looked on, agin I 
 see the hot blush of shame mantillied Josiah's 
 cheeks, and agin he sez to me in almost warm 
 axents, "I realize what you have rescued me 
 from, Samantha." 
 
 And I -sez, " You couldn't have looked Elder 
 Minkley in the face, could you ? if you had 
 gone into that shameful diversion." 
 
 " No, I couldn't, nor into yourn nuther. I 
 couldn't have looked nobody in the face, if I 
 had gone on and imposed on any young girl 
 as they are a doin', and insulted of her. Why,'' 
 sez he, "if it wuz my Tirzah Ann that them 
 men wuz a embracin', arrl huggin', and switch- 
 in' her round, as if they didn't have no respect 
 for her at all, — why, if it wuz Tirzah Ann, I 
 would tear 'em lim from lim." 
 
 And he looked capable on't. He looked 
 almost sublime (though small). And I hurried 
 him away from the seen, for I didn't know 
 what would ensue and foller on, if I let him 
 linger there longer. He looked as firm and 
 
Fleeing for Home. 487 
 
 warlike as one of our Bantam fowls, a male 
 one, when hawks are a hoverin' over the 
 females of the flock. And when I say Bantam 
 I say it with no disrespect to Josiah Allen. 
 Bantams are noble, and warlike fowls, though 
 small boneded. 
 
 I got one more glimps of Miss Flamm jest 
 as we left the tarven. She wuz a standin' up 
 in the parlor, with a tall man a standin' up in 
 front of her a talkin'. He seemed tobebiddin' 
 of her good-bye, for he had holt of her hand, 
 and he wuz a sayin' as we went by 'em, sez he, 
 " I am sorry not to see more of you." 
 
 " Good land !" thinkses I, what can the man 
 be athinkin' on? the mean, miserable creeter! 
 If there wuz ever a deadly insult gin to a 
 woman, then wuz the time it wuz gin. Good 
 land! good land! 
 
 I don't know whether Miss Flamm resented 
 it, or not, for I hurried Josiah along. I didn't 
 want to expose him to no sich sights, good, 
 innocent old creeter. So I kep' him up on a 
 pretty good jog till I, got him home. 
 
 The next mornin' Ardelia Tutt sent me 
 
488 More Verses. 
 
 over a copy of the followin' verses, which wu» 
 as follers : 
 
 "WNES WROTE ON A OI>D WOMAN; OR, 
 STANZAS ON A ACKORDEUN. 
 
 " Oh mournful sounds that riseth through the air, 
 Not very far, but far enough to hear. 
 We fain would say to thee forbear, forbear ! 
 As we adown the road, our pathway steer. 
 
 " Oh ! had thy voice not been so low and thin 
 
 It would have been more high, and loud and deep— 
 And thine Ackordeun, oh could it, could it win, 
 A glorious voice of soul, methinks I'd weep — 
 
 ** With joy. But now I weep not, nay, nor fain 
 
 Would set me down beneath thy song-tree blest ; 
 More fain I would relate, it giveth me pain 
 To list the strains, and listening lo ! I sigh for rest, 
 sweet rest. 
 
 " For ah ! no nightingale art thou, nor lark, 
 Nor thrush, nor any other bird, afar or nigh 
 Thy instrument hath not the thunder shock 
 That calleth nation's wildly, wet or dry. 
 
The Poem Ends. 489 
 
 " A lesson thou mightest learn oh ! female sweet ! 
 If thou no voice hast got, soar not in song, 
 Much noise the lonely aching ear doth greet, 
 That maketh sad, and 'tis a fearful wrong. 
 
 " A fearful wrong to pound pianos with a fiendish will 
 Misuse them far above their feeble power to bear, 
 Ah ! could pianos cower down, and lo ! be still, 
 'Twould calm the savage breast, and smooth the 
 brow of care." 
 
xvn. 
 
 A. TRIP TO SCHUYLERVILUt. 
 
 ^ t/ 
 
 T wuz a lovely mornin' 
 when my companion 
 and me sot out to visit 
 Schuylerville to see 
 the monument that is 
 stood up there in honor of the Battle of Sara- 
 toga, one of 7 great decisive battles of the 
 world. 
 
 Wall, the cars rolled on peacefully, though 
 
 screechin' occasionally, for, as the poet says, 
 
 " It is their nater to," and rolled us away from 
 
 Saratoga. And at first there wuzn't nothin* 
 
 490 
 
Victory Mills. 491 
 
 particularly insperin' in the looks of the land- 
 scape, or ruther woodscape. It wuz mostly 
 woods and rather horribly woods too, kindei 
 flat lookin'. But pretty soon the scenery be- 
 came beautiful and impressive. The rollin' 
 hills rolled down and up in great billowy 
 masses of green and pale blue, accordin' as 
 they wuz fur or near, and we went by shin in* 
 water, and a glowin' landscape, and pretty 
 houses, and fields of grain and corn, etc., 
 etc. And anon we reached a place where 
 " Victory Mills " wuz printed up high, in big 
 letters. When Josiah see this, he sez, " Haint 
 that neighborly and friendly in Victory to 
 come over here and put up a mill ? That 
 shows, Samantha," sez he, " that the old hard- 
 ness of the Revolution is entirely done away 
 with." 
 
 He wuz jest full of Revolutionary thoughts 
 that inornin', Josiah Allen wuz. And so wuz 
 I too, but my strength of mind is such, that I 
 reined 'em in and didn't let 'em run away with 
 me. And I told him that it didn't mean that 
 Sez I, " The Widder Albert wouldn't come 
 
492 The Monument. 
 
 over here and go to millin', she nor none of 
 her family." 
 
 "But," sez he, "the name must mean sun- 
 thin'. Do you s'pose it is where folks get the 
 victory over things ? If it is, I'd give a dollar 
 bill to get a grist ground out here, and," sez 
 he, in a sort of a coaxin' tone, " le's stop and 
 get some victory, Samantha." 
 
 And I told him, that I guessed when he got 
 a victory over the world, the flesh, or the— - 
 David, he would have to work for it, he wouldn't 
 get it ground out for him.- But anon, he 
 cast his eyes on sunthin' else and so forgot to 
 muse on this any further. It wuz a fair seen. 
 
 Anon, a big manufactory, as big as the hull 
 side of Jones ville almost, loomed up by the side 
 of us. And anon, the fair, the beautiful 
 country spread' itself out before our vision. 
 While fur, fur away the pale blue mountains 
 peeked up over the green ones, to see if they 
 too could see the monument riz up to our 
 National Liberty. It belonged to them, jest 
 as much as to the hill it wuz a standin' on, it 
 belongs to the hull liberty-lovin' world. 
 
General Gates. 493 
 
 Wall, the cars stopped in a pretty little 
 village, a clean, pleasant little place as I ever 
 see, or want to see. And Josiali and me 
 wended our way up the broad roomy street, up 
 to where the monument seemed to sort a 
 beegon to us to come. And when we got up 
 to it, we see it wuz a sight, a sight to behold. 
 
 The curius thing on't wuz, it kep' a growin' 
 bigger and bigger all the time we wuz ap- 
 proachin' it, till, as we stood at its base, it 
 seemed to tower up into the very skies. 
 
 There wuz some flights of stun steps a lead- 
 in' up to some doors iu the side on't. And we 
 went inside on't after we had gin a good look 
 at the outside. But it took us some time to 
 get through gazin' at the outside on't. 
 
 Way up over our heads wuz some sort a re- 
 cesses, some like the lecess in my spare bed- 
 room, only higher and narrower, and kinder 
 nobler lookin'. And standin' up in the first 
 one, a lookin' stiddy through storm and shine 
 at {he North star, stood General Gates, bigger 
 tb;M life considerable, but none too big: for 
 hi/ leeds and the deeds of all of our old 4 
 
494 General Schuyler. 
 
 • 
 
 fathers stand out now and seem a good deal 
 bigger than life. Yes, take 'em in all theii 
 consequences, a sight bigger. 
 
 Wall, there he stands, a leanin' on his sword. 
 He'll be ready when the enemy comes, no 
 danger but what he will. 
 
 On the East side, is General Schuyler a 
 horseback, ready to dash forward against the 
 foe, impetuous, ardent, gallant. But oh ! the 
 perils and dangers that obstruct his pathway ; 
 thick underbrush and high, tall trees stand up 
 round him that he seemin'ly can't get through. 
 
 But his gallant soldiers are a helpin' him 
 onward, they are a cuttin' down the trees so's 
 he can get through 'em and dash at the enemy. 
 You see as you look on him that he will get 
 through it all. No envy, nor detraction, nor 
 jealousy, no such low underbrush full of 
 crawlin' reptiles, nor no high solid trees, no 
 danger of any sort can keep him back. His 
 big, brave, generous heart is sot on helpin' his 
 country, he'll do it. 
 
 On the south side, is the saddest sight that 
 a patriotic American can see. On a plain slab 
 
General Morgan. 495 
 
 stun, lookin' a good deal like a permanent 
 grave-stUn, sot up high there, for Americans 
 to weep over forever, bitter tears of shame, is 
 the name, " Arnold." 
 
 He wuz a brave soldier ; his name ort to be 
 there ; it is all right to have it there and jest 
 where it is, on a grave-stun. All through the 
 centuries it will stand there, a name carved by 
 the hand of cupidity, selfishness, and treachery. 
 
 On the west side, General Morgan is stand- 
 in 1 up with his hands over his eyes, lookin' 
 away into the sunset. He looked jest like 
 that when he wuz a lookin' after prowlin' red 
 skins and red coats ; when the sun wuz under 
 dark clouds, and the day wuz dark 100 years 
 ago. 
 
 But now, all he has to do is to stand up 
 there and look off into the glowin' heavens, a 
 walchin' the golden light of the sun of Liberty 
 a rollin' on westward.- He holds his -hand 
 over his eyes ; its rays most blind him, he is 
 mosi lost a thinkin' how fur, how fur them 
 rays are a spreadin', and a glowin', — way, way 
 off, Morgan is a lookin' onto our future, and it 
 
496 Inside View. 
 
 dazzles him. Its rays stretch off into othex 
 lands; they strike dark places; they burn! they 
 glow ! they shine ! they light up the world ! 
 
 Hold up. your head, brave old General, and 
 your loyal steadfast eyes. You helped to 
 strike that light. Its radiance half-frights you. 
 It is so heavenly bright, its rays may well 
 dazzle you. Brown old soldiers, I love to think 
 of you always a standin' tip there, lifted high 
 up by a grateful Nation, a lookin' off over all 
 the world, a lookin' off toward the glowin' west, 
 toward our glorious future. 
 
 On the inside too, it wuz a ?ioble seen. After 
 you rose up the steps and went inside, you 
 found yourself in a middlin' big room all sur- 
 rounded by figures in what they called Alto 
 Relief, or sunthin' to that effect. I don't know 
 what Alto they meant. I don't know nobody 
 by that name, nor I don't know how they re* 
 lieved him. But I s'pose Alto when he wuz 
 there wuz relieved to think that the figures 
 wuz all so noble and impressive. Mebby he 
 had been afraid they wouldn't suit him ac«l the 
 nation. But they did, they must have. He 
 
Royalty and Liberty. 497 
 
 Wuac have been hard to suit, Alto must, if he 
 wuzn't relieved, and pleased with these. ' 
 
 On one side wuz George the 3d of England, 
 in his magnificent palace, all dressed up in 
 velvet and lace, surrounded by his slick drest- 
 up nobles, and all of 'em a sittin' there soft 
 and warm, in the lap of Luxury, a makin' laws 
 to bind the strugglin' colonies. 
 
 And right acrost from that, wuz a picture 
 of them Colonists, cold and hungry, a havin' 
 a Rally for Freedom, and a settin' up a Town 
 meetin' right amongst the trees, and under- 
 brush that hedged 'em all in and tripped 'em 
 up at every step ; and savages a hidin' behind 
 the trees, and fears of old England, and dread 
 of a hazerdous unknown future, a hantin' and 
 cloudin' every glimpse of sky that came down 
 on 'em through the trees. But they looked 
 earnest and good, them old 4 fathers did, and 
 the Town meetin' looked determined, and firm- 
 principled as ever a Town meetin' looked on 
 the face of the earth. 
 
 Then there wuz some of the women of the 
 court, fine ladies, all silk, and ribbons, and 
 
igS Noble Women. 
 
 embroideries, and paint, and powder, a leanin' 
 back in their cushioned arm-chairs, a wantin 1 
 to have the colonies taxed still further so's to 
 have more money to buy lace with and arti- 
 ficial flowers. And right acrost from 'em wuz 
 some of our old 4 mothers, in a rude log hut, 
 not strong enough to keep out the cold, or the 
 Injuns. One wuz a cardin' wools, one of 'em 
 wuz a spinnin' 'em, a tryin' to make clothes 
 to cover the starved, half-naked old 4 fathers 
 who wuz a tramplin' round in the snow with 
 bare feet and shiverin' lims. And one of 'em 
 had a gun in her hand. She had smuggled 
 the children all in behind her and she wuz a 
 lookin' out for the foe. These wimmen hadn't 
 no ribbons on, no, fur from it. 
 
 And then there wuz General Schuyler a 
 fellin' trees to obstruct the march of the British 
 army. And Miss Schuyler a settin' fire to a 
 field of wheat rather than have it help the 
 enemy- of her country. Brave old 4 mother, 
 worthy pardner of a grand man, she wuz a 
 takin' her life in her hand and a destroyin' 
 Uer own property for the sake of the cause sh« 
 
Lady Aukland. 499 
 
 loved. A emblem of the way men and wim- 
 inen sot fire to their own hopes, their own 
 happiness, and burnt 'em up on the altar of 
 the land we love. 
 
 And there wuz some British wimmen a 
 follerin' their husbands through the perils of 
 danger and death, likely old 4 mothers they 
 wuz, and thought jest as much of their pardners 
 as I do of my Josiah. I could see that plain. 
 And could see it a shinin' still plainer in an- 
 other one of the pictures — L,ady Aukland a 
 goin' over the Hudson in a little canoe with 
 the waves a dashin' up high round her, to get 
 to the sick bed of her companion. The white 
 flag of truce wuz a wavin' over her head and 
 in her heart wuz a shinin' the clear white 
 light of a woman's deathless devotion. Oh ! 
 thrre wuz likely wimmen amongst the British, 
 I haint a doubt of it, and men too. 
 
 And then we clim a long flight of stairs and 
 we see some more pictures, all round that 
 room. Alto relieved agin, or he must have 
 been relieved, and.happified to see 'em, they 
 wuz so impressive. I myself had from 25 to 30 
 
5°o Jennie McCrea. 
 
 emotions a minute while I stood a lookin' at 
 'em — big lofty emotions too. 
 
 There wuz Jennie McCrea a bein' dragged 
 offen her horse, and killed by savages. A 
 dreadful sight — a woman settin' out light- 
 hearted toward happiness and goin' to meet a 
 fearful doom. Dreadful sight that has come 
 down through the centuries, and happens over 
 and over agin amongst female wiinmen. But 
 here it wuz fearful impressive for the savages 
 that destroyed her wuz in livin' form, they 
 haint always materialized. 
 
 Yes, it wuz a awful seen. And jest beyond 
 it, wuz Burgoyne a scoldin' the savages for the 
 cruelty of the deed. Curius, haint it ? How 
 the acts and deeds of a man that he sets to 
 goin, when they have come to full fruition 
 share him most to death, horrify him by the 
 sight. I'll bet Burgoyne felt bad enough, a 
 lookin' on her dead body, if it wuz his doin's 
 in the first place, in lettin' loose such igner- 
 ance and savagery onto a strugglin' people. 
 
 Yes, Mr. Burgoyne felt bad and ashamed, I 
 haint a doubt of it. His poet soul could suffer 
 
Burgoyne's Surrender. 501, 
 
 as well as enjoy — and then I didn't feel like 
 sayin' too much aginst Mr. Burgoyne, havin' 
 meditated so lately in the treachery of Arnold, 
 one of our own men doin' a act that ort to 
 keep us sort a humble-minded to this day. 
 
 And then there wuz the killin' and buryin' 
 of Frazier both impressive. He wuz a gallant 
 officer and a brave man. And then there wuz 
 General Schuyler (good creeter) a turnin' over 
 his command to Gates. And I methought to 
 myself as I looked on it, that human nater 
 wuz jest about the same then ; it capered jest 
 about as it duz now in public affairs and 
 offices. Then there wuz the surrender of Bur- 
 goyne to Gates. A sight impressive enough 
 to furnish one with stiddy emotions for weeks 
 and, weeks. A thinkin' of all he surrendered 
 to him that day, and all that wuz took. 
 
 The monument is dretful high. Up, up, up, 
 it soars as if it wuz bound to reach up into the 
 very heavens, and carry up there these idees 
 of ourn about Free Rights, and National 
 Liberty. It don't go clear up, though. I wish 
 it did. If it had, I should have gone up the 
 
5°2 The Surroundings. 
 
 high ladder clear to the top. But I desisted 
 from the enterprise for 2 reasons, one wuz, 
 that it didn't go, as I say, clear up, and the 
 other wuz that the stairs wuzn't finished. 
 
 Josiah proposed that he should go up as he 
 clim up our well, with one foot on each side 
 on't. He said he wuz tempted to, for he wanted 
 dretfully to look out of them windows on 
 the top. And he said it would probable be 
 expected of him. And I told him that I 
 guessed that the monument wouldn't feel hurt 
 if he didn't go up ; I guessed it would stand 
 it. I discouraged the enterprise. 
 
 And anon we went down out of the monu- 
 ment, and crossed over to the good-lookiu' 
 house where the man lives who takes care of 
 the mbnument, and shows off its good traits, 
 a kind of a guardian to it. And we got a first- 
 rate dinner there, though such is not their 
 practice. And then he took us in a likely 
 buggy with 2 seats, and a horse to draw it, 
 and we sot out to see what the march of 100 
 years has left us of the doin's of them days. 
 
 Time has trampled out a good many of 'em, 
 
The Schuyler Mansion. 503 
 
 but we found some. We found the old Schuylef 
 mansion, a settin' back amongst the trees, 
 with the old knocker on it, that had been 
 pulled by so many a old 4 father, carryin' 
 tidin's of. disappointment, and hope, and tri- 
 umph, and encouragement, and everything. 
 We went over the threshholt wore down by 
 the steps that had fell there for a hundred 
 years, some light, some heavy steps. 
 
 We went into the clean, good-lookin' old 
 kitchen, with the platters, and shinin' dressers 
 and trays ; the old-fashioned settee, half-table 
 and half-seat. And we see the cup General 
 Washington drinked tea out of, good old 
 creeter. I hope the water biled and it wuz 
 good tea, and most probable it wuz. And we 
 see lots of arms that had been carried in the 
 war, and cannon balls, and shells, and tommy- 
 hawks, and hatchets, and arrows, and etc., etc. 
 And down in one room all full of other curi- 
 osities and relicts, wuz the skull of a traitor. 
 I should judge from the looks on't, that- be- 
 sides bein' mean, he wuz a hombly man. Some- 
 body said folks had made efforts to steal it 
 
504 A Good Old House. 
 
 But Josiah whispered to me, that there wuzn't 
 110 danger from him, for he would ruther be 
 shet right up in the Tombs than to own it, in 
 any way. 
 
 And I felt some like him. Some of his teeth 
 had been stole, so they said. Good land! 
 what did they want with his teeth ? But it 
 wuz a dretful interestin' spot. And I thought 
 as I went through the big square, roomy rooms 
 that I wouldn't swap this good old house for 
 dozens of Queen Anns, or any other of the 
 fashionable, furbelowed houses of to-day. The 
 orniments of this house wuz more on the in- 
 side, and I couldn't help thinkin' that this 
 house compared with the modern ornamental - 
 cottages, wuz a good deal like one of our good 
 old-fashioned foremothers in her plain gown, 
 compared with some of the grandma's of to- 
 day, all paint, and furbelows, and false hair. 
 
 The old 4 mothers orniments wuz on the 
 inside, and the others wuz more up on the 
 roof; scalloped off, and ginger-breaded, and 
 criss-crossed. 
 
 This old house was full of rooms fixed off 
 
Old Things. 507 
 
 beautiful. It wuz quite a treat to walk through 
 'em. But the old 'fireplaces, and mantle tray 
 shelves spoke to our hearts of the generations 
 that had poked them fires, and leaned up 
 aginst them mantle trays. They went ahead 
 on us through the old rooms ; I couldn't see 
 'em, but I felt their presence, as I follered 'em 
 over the old threshholts their feet had worn 
 down a hundred years ago. Their feet didn't 
 make no sound, their petticoats and short 
 gowns didn't rustle aginst the old door ways 
 and stair cases. 
 
 The dear old grandpas in their embroidered 
 coats, didn't cast no shadow as they crossed 
 the sunshine that came in through the old- 
 fashioned window panes. No, but with my 
 mind's eye (the best eye I have got, and one 
 that don't wear specks) I see 'em, and I follerd 
 'em down the narrow, steep stair case, and out 
 into the broad light of 4 p. M., 1886. 
 
 Anon, or shortly after, we drove up on a 
 corner of the street jest above where the Fish 
 creek empties into the Hudson, and there, 
 right on a tall high brick block, wuz a tablet, 
 
508 Burgoyne's Surrender. 
 
 showin' that a tree once stood jest there, undei 
 which Burgoyne surrendered. And aginj 
 when I thought of all that he surrendered that 
 day, and all that America and the world 
 gained, my emotions riz up so powerful, that 
 they wuzn't quelled down a mite, by seein' 
 right on the other side of the house wrote 
 down these words, " Drugs, Oils, etc." 
 
 No, oil couldn't smooth 'em down, nor drugs 
 drug 'em ; they wuz too powerful. And they 
 lasted jest as soarin' and eloquent as ever till 
 we turned down a cross street, and arrove at 
 the place, jest the identical spot where the 
 British stacked their arms (and stacked all 
 their pride, and their ambitious hopes with 
 'em). It made a high pile. 
 
 Wall, from there we went up to a house on 
 a hill, where poor Baroness Riedesel hid with 
 her three little children, amongst the wounded 
 and dying officers of the British army, and 
 stayed there three days and three nights, 
 while shots and shells wuz a bombardin' the 
 little house — and not knowin' but some of the 
 shots had gone through her lover husband's 
 
A Mother's Soul. 509 
 
 heart, before they struck the low ruff over he! 
 head. ' 
 
 What do you s'pose she wuz a thinkin' on 
 as she lay hid in that suller all them three 
 days and three nights with her little . girls' 
 heads in her lap ? Jest the same thoughts 
 that a mother thinks to-day, as she cowers 
 down with the children she loves, to hide from 
 danger ; jest the same thoughts that a wife 
 thinks to-day when her heart is out a facin' 
 danger and death with the man she loves. 
 
 She faced danger, and died a hundred deaths 
 in the thought of the danger to them she 
 loved. I see the very splinters that the cruel 
 shells and cannon balls split and tore right over 
 her head. Good honerable splinters and not 
 skairful to look at to-day, but hard, and piercin', 
 and harrowin' through them days and nights. 
 
 Time has trampled over that calash she rode 
 round so much in (I wish I could a seen it) ; 
 but Time has ground it down into dust. 
 Time's hand, quiet but heavy, rested down on 
 the shinin' heads of the three little girls, and 
 their Pa and Ma, and pushed 'em gently but 
 
510 On to Oblivion. 
 
 firmly down out of sight; and all of them 
 savages who used to follow that calash as it 
 rolled onwards, and all their canoes, and war 
 hoops, and snow shoes, etc., etc. 
 
 Yes, that calash of Miss Riedesel has rolled 
 away, rolled away years ago, carryin' the three 
 little girls, their Pa and Ma and all the fears, 
 and hopes, and dreads, and joys, and heart- 
 aches of that time it has rolled on with 'em 
 all ; on, on, down the dusty road of Oblivion, 
 — -it has disappeared there round the turn of 
 road, and a cloud of dust comes up into our 
 faces, as we try to follow it. And the Injuns 
 that used to howl round it, have all follered on 
 the trail of that calash, and gone on, on, out 
 of sight. Their canoes have drifted away 
 down the blue Hudson, away off into the mist 
 and the shadows. Curius, haint it ? 
 
 And there the same hills and valleys lay, 
 calm and placid, there is the same blue spark- 
 lin' Hudson. Dretful curius, and sort a heart 
 breakin' to think on't — haint it ? Only jest a 
 few more years and we too, shall go round the 
 turn of the road, out of sight, — out of sight, 
 
Passing Away. 
 
 5" 
 
 and a cloud of dust will come up and hide us 
 from the faces of them that love us, and them 
 too, from the eyes of a newer people. 
 
 All our hopes, all pur ambitions, all our 
 loves, our joys, our sorrows, — all, all will be 
 rolled away or floated away down the river, 
 and the ripples will ripple on jest as happy; 
 the sunshine will kiss the hills jest as warmly, 
 and lovinly ; but other- eyes will look on 'em, 
 other hearts will throb and burn within 'em at 
 the sight. 
 
 Kinder sad to think on, haint it ? 
 
xvm. 
 
 THE SOCIAL SCIENCE MEETING. 
 
 |NB day Josiah and me went into 
 a meetin' where they wuz 
 kinder fixin' over the world, sort 
 a repairin' of it, as yon may say. 
 Some of the deepest, smartest 
 speeches I ever hearn in my life, I hearn there. 
 You know it is a middlin' deep subject. 
 But they rose to it. They rose nobly to it. 
 Some wuz for repairin' it one way, and some 
 another — some wanted to kinder tinker it up, 
 and make it over like. Some wanted" to teai 
 512 
 
A Poor Little Heathen. 513 
 
 it to pieces, and build it over new. But they 
 all meant well by the world, and nobody could 
 help respectin'. 'em. 
 
 I enjoyed them hours therewith 'em, jest 
 about as well as it is in my power to enjoy 
 anything. They wuz all on 'em civilized 
 Christianfolks and philanthropists of different 
 shades and degrees, all but one. There wuz 
 one heathen there. . A Hindoo right from 
 Hindoostan, and I felt kinder sorry for him. 
 A heathen sot right in the midst of them folks 
 of refinement, and culture, who had spent their 
 hull lives a tryin' to fix over the world, and 
 make it good. 
 
 This poor little heathen, with a white piller 
 case, or sunthin' wound round his head (I 
 s'pose he hadn't money to buy a hat), and his 
 small black eyes lookin' out kinder side ways 
 from his dark hombly little face, rousted 
 up my pity, and my sympathy. There had 
 been quite a firm speech made aginst allowin' 
 foreigners on our shores. And this little hea- 
 then, in his broken speech, said, It all seemed 
 so funny to him, when everybody wtw 
 
514 Queer Proceedings. 
 
 foreigners in this country, to think that them 
 that got here first should say they owned it, 
 and send everybody else back. And he saidj 
 It seemed funny to him, that the missionary s 
 we sent over to his land to teach them the 
 truth, told them all about this land of Liberty, 
 where everybody wuz free, and everybody 
 could earn a home for themselves, and urged 
 'em all to come over here, and then when they 
 broke away from all that held 'em in their own 
 land, and came thousands and thousands of 
 milds, to get to this land of freedom and 
 religion, — then they wuz sent back agin, 
 and wuzn't allowed to land. It seemed so 
 funny. 
 
 And so it did to me. And I said to myself, 
 I wonder if they don't lose all faith in the 
 missionarys, and what they tell them. I won- 
 der if they don't have doubts about the other 
 free country they tell 'em about. The other 
 home they have urged 'em to prepare for, and 
 go to. I wonder if they haint afraid, that 
 when they have left their own country and 
 sailed away for that home of Bverlastin' free 
 
A Hefty Job. 515 
 
 1 
 
 3om, they will be sent back agin, and not 
 allowed to land. 
 
 But it cotnferted me quite a good deal to 
 meditite on't, that that land didn't have no 
 laws aginst foreign emigration. That its ruler 
 wuz one who held the rights of the lowest, and 
 poorest, and most ignerent of His children, of 
 jest as much account as He did the rights of a 
 king. Thinkses I that poor little head with 
 the piller case on it will be jest as much 
 looked up to, as if it wuz white and had a 
 crown on it. And I felt real glad to think it 
 wuz so. 
 
 But I went to every meetin' of 'em, and 
 enjoyed every one of 'em with a deep enjoy- 
 ment. And I said then, and I say now, for 
 folks that had took such a hefty job as they 
 had, they done well, nobody could do better, 
 and if the world wuzn't improved by their talk 
 it wuz the fault of the world, and not their-'n. 
 
 And we went to meetin' on Sunday mornin' 
 and night, and hearn good sermons. There's 
 several high, big churches at Saratoga, of 
 every denomination, and likely folks belong 
 
516 Competing Routes. 
 
 to the hull on 'em. " There is no danger of 
 folks losin' their way to Heaven unless they 
 want to and they can go on their own favorite 
 paths too, be they blue Presbyterian paths/ or 
 Methodist pasters, or by the Baptist boat, or 
 the Episcopalian high way, or the Catholic 
 covered way, or the Unitarian Broadway, or 
 the Shadow road of Spiritualism. 
 
 No danger of their losin' the way unless 
 they want to. And I thought to myself as I 
 looked pensively at the different steeples, 
 What though there might be a good deal of 
 wranglin', and screechin', and puffin' off steam, 
 at the different stations, as there must always 
 be where so many different routes are a layin' 
 side by side, each with its own different run- 
 ners, and conductors, and porters, and man- 
 agers, and blowers, still it' must be, that the 
 separate high ways would all end at last in a 
 serener road, where the true wayfarers and the 
 earnest pilgrims would all walk side by side, 
 and forget the very name 0/ the station they 
 sot out from. 
 
 X sez as much to my companion, as we 
 
JosiaWs Scheme. 517 
 
 wended our way home from one of the meetin's, 
 and he sez, " There haint but one right way, 
 and it is a pity folks can't see it." Sez he, a 
 sithin' deep, " Why can't everybody be Metho- 
 dists ?" 
 
 We wuz a goin' by the 'Piscopal church then, 
 and he sez a lookin' at it, as if he wuz sorry 
 for it, " What a pity that such likely folks as 
 they be, should believe in such eronious doc- 
 trines. Why," sez he, "I have hearn that 
 they believe that the bread at communion is 
 changed into sunthin' else. What a pity that 
 they should believe anything so strange as 
 that is, when there is a good, plain, practical, 
 Christian belief they might believe in, — when 
 they might be Methodists.' And the Baptists 
 now," sez he, a glancin' back at their steeple, 
 " why can't they believe that a drop is as 
 good as a fountain. Why do they want to' 
 believe in so much water? There haint no 
 need on't. They might be Methodists jest as 
 well as not, and be somebody." 
 
 And he walked along pensively and in deep 
 thought, and I a feelin' somewhat tuckered 
 
5*8 
 
 What Church to Jine. 
 
 didn't argue with him, and silence rained about 
 us till we got in front of the hall where the 
 Spiritualists hold their meetin's, and we met 
 a few a coinin' out on it and then he broke out 
 
 and acted mad, 
 awful mad and 
 skernful r and 
 sez he angrily, 
 " Them dumb 
 fools believe in 
 supernatural 
 
 things. They 
 don't have a 
 shadow of rea- 
 son or common 
 sense to stand 
 on. A man is 
 a fool to gin the 
 least attention 
 
 to them, or their doin's. Why can't they be? 
 
 lieve sunthiu' sensible? Why can't they jine 
 
 a church that don't have anything curius in it? 
 
 Nothin' but plain, common sense facts in it : 
 
 Why can't they be Methodists ?" 
 
 •Why can't they be Methodist.-. ?" 
 
Shaming at Random. 519 
 
 " The idee !" sez he, a breakin' out fresh, 
 "The idee of believin' that folks that have 
 gone to the other world can come back agin 
 and appear. Shaw!" sez he, dretful loud and 
 bold. I don't believe I ever heard a louder shaw 
 in my life than that wuz, or more kinder 
 haughty and highheaded. 
 
 And then I spoke up, and sez, "Josiah, it is 
 always well, to shaw in the right place, and I 
 am afraid you haint studied on it as much as 
 you ort. I am afraid you haint a shawin' 
 where you ort to." 
 
 " Where should I shaw ?" sez he kinder 
 snappish. 
 
 "Wall," sez I, "when you condemn other 
 folkses beliefs, you ort to be careful that you 
 haint a condemin' your own belief at the same 
 time. Now my belief is grounded in the Me- 
 thodist meetin' house like a rock ; my faith 
 has cast its ancher there inside of her beliefs 
 and can't be washed round by any waves of 
 opposin' doctrines. But I am one who can't 
 now, nor never could, abide bigotry and intol- 
 erance either in a Pope, or a Josiah Allen. 
 
520 The Supernatural. 
 
 "And when yon condemn a belief simply on 
 the ground of its bein' miraculous and beyond 
 your comprehension, Josiah Allen, you had 
 better pause and consider on what the Metho- 
 dist faith is founded. 
 
 " All our Orthodox meetin' houses, Presby- 
 terian, Baptist, Methodist, Episcopalian, every 
 one on ? em, Josiah Allen, are sot down on a 
 belief, a deathless faith in a miraculous birth, 
 a life of supernatural events, the resurrection 
 of the dead, His appearance after death, a 
 belief in the graves openin' and the dead 
 comin' forth, a belief in three persons inha- 
 bitin' one soul, the constant presence and 
 control of spiritual influences, the Holy Ghost, 
 and the spirits of just men. And while you 
 are a leenin' up aginst that belief, Josiah 
 Allen, and a leanin' heavy, don't shaw at any 
 other belief for the qualities you hold sacred 
 in your own." 
 
 He quailed a very little, and I went on. 
 
 " If you want to shaw at it, shaw for sun- 
 thin' else in it, or else let it entirely alone. If 
 you think it lacks active Christian force, if you 
 
A Low Set. 521 
 
 think it is not aggressive in its assaults at 
 
 Sin, if you think it lacks faith in the Divine 
 
 Head of the church, say so, do; but for mercy's 
 
 sake try to shaw in the right place." 
 
 " Wall," sez he, " they are a low set that 
 
 follers it up mostly, and you know it." And 
 
 his head wuz right up in the air, and he looked 
 
 very skernful. 
 
 1 
 But I sez, "Josiah Allen, you are ashawin' 
 
 Agin in the wrong place," sez I. " If what you 
 
 say is true, remember that 1800 years ago, the 
 
 same cry wuz riz up by Pharisees, ' He eats 
 
 with Publicans and sinners.' They would not 
 
 have a king who came in the guise of the poor, 
 
 they scerried a spiritual truth that did not 
 
 sparkle with worldly lustre. 
 
 " But it shone on ; it lights the souls of 
 
 humanity to-day. Let us not be afraid, Josiah 
 
 Allen. Truth is a jewel that cannot he harmed 
 
 by deepest investigation, by roughest handlin'. 
 
 It can't be buried, it will shine out of the 
 
 deepest darkness. What is false will be 
 
 washed away, what is true will remain. For 
 
 all this frettin', and chafing, all this turbelence 
 
522 Ho Bigotry. 
 
 of conflectin' beliefs, opposin' wills, will only 
 polish this jewel. Truth, calm and serene, will 
 endure, will shine, will light up the world." 
 
 He begun to look considerable softer in 
 mean, and I continued on: "Josiah Allen, 
 you and I know what we believe, the beautiful 
 religion (Methodist Episcopal) that we both 
 love, makes a light in our two souls.' But 
 don't let us stand in that light and yell out, 
 that everybody else's light is darkness ; that 
 our light is the only one. No, the heavens 
 are over all the earth ; the twelve gates of 
 heaven are open and a shinin' down on all- 
 sides of us. 
 
 " Jones ville meetin' house (Methodist Epis- 
 copal) haint the only medium through which 
 the light streams. It is dear to us, Josiah 
 Allen, but let us not think that we must coller 
 everybody and drag 'em into it. And let us 
 not cry out too much at other folkses super- 
 stitions, when the rock of our own faith, that 
 comforts us in joy and sorrow, is sot in a sea 
 of supernaturalism. 
 
 " You know how that faith comforts our tw<? 
 
Open Gates. 523 
 
 souls, how it is to us, like the shadow cf a 
 great rock in a weary land, but they say,, their 
 belief is the same to them, let us not judge 
 them too hardly. No, the twelve gates of 
 heaven are open, Josiah Allen, and a shinin' 
 down onto the earth. We know the light that 
 has streamed into our own souls, but we do 
 not know exactly what rays of radiance may 
 have been reflected down into some other lives 
 through some one of those many gates. 
 
 "The plate below has to be prepared, before 
 it can ketch the picture and hold it. T!;s 
 light does not strike back the same reflection 
 from every earthly thing. The* serene lake 
 mirrors back the light, in a calm flood of glory, 
 the flashin' waterfall breaks it into a thousand 
 dazzlin' sparkles. The dewy petal of the 
 yellow field lily, reflects its own ray of golden 
 light back, so does the dark cone of the pine 
 .tree, and the diamond, the opal, the ruby, eacn 
 tinges the light with its own coloring, but the 
 light is all from above. And they all reflect 
 the ligM, in their own way for which the 
 Divine skill &as prepared them. 
 
524 What we See. 
 
 "Ltt as not try to compel the deep blue 
 Ocean waves and tlie shinin' waterfall," and the 
 lily blow, to reflect back the light, in the same 
 identical manner. No, let the light stream 
 down into high places, and low ones, let the 
 truth shine into dark hearts, and into pure 
 souls. God is light. God is Love. It is His 
 light that shines down out of the twelve gates, 
 and though the. ruby, or the amethyst, may 
 color it by their own medium, the light that is 
 reflected back is the light of Heaven. And 
 Josiah Allen," sez I in a deeper, earnester, 
 tone, " let us who know so little ourselves, 
 be patient with other ignerent ones. Let us 
 not be too intolerent, for no intolerence, Josiah 
 Allen, is so cruel as that of ignerance, an' 
 stupidity." 
 
 Sez Josiah, " I won't believe in anything I 
 can't see, Samantha Allen." 
 
 I jest looked round at him witheringly, and 
 sez I, " What have you ever seen, Josiah 
 Allen, I mean that is worth seein' ? Haint 
 everything that is worth havin' in life, amongst 
 the unseen ? The deathless loves, the aspira- 
 
Mysteries. 525 
 
 tions, the deep hopes, and faiths, that live in 
 us and through us, and animate us and keep 
 us alive, — Whose spectacles has ever seen 
 'em ? What are we, all of us human creeters, 
 any way, but little atoms dropped here, Hea- 
 ven knows why, or how, into the midst of a 
 perfect sea of mystery, and unseen influences. 
 What hand shoved us forwards out of the sha- 
 dows, and what hand will reach out to us from 
 the shadows and draw us back agin ? Have 
 you seen it, Josiah Allen ? You have felt this 
 great onseen force a movin' you along, but 
 you haint sot your eyes on it. 
 
 " What is there above us, below us, about 
 us, but a waste of mystery, a power of onseen 
 influences ? 
 
 "You won't believe anything you can't see : 
 —Did you ever see old Gravity, Josiah Allen, 
 or get acquainted with him ? Yet his hands hold 
 the worlds together. Who ever see the mys- 
 terious sunthin in the North that draws the 
 ship's compass round? Who ever see that 
 great mysterious hand that is dropped down 
 in the water } sweepin' it back and" forth, 
 
526 The School of Life. 
 
 makin' the tides come in, and the tides go 
 out ? Who ever has ketched a glimpse of" 
 them majestic fingers, Josiah Allen? Or the 
 lips touched with lightnin', whose whispers 
 reach round the world, and through the Ocean ? 
 You haint see 'em, nor I haint. No, Josiah 
 Allen, we don't know much of anything, and 
 we don't know that for certain. We are all on 
 us only poor pupils down in the Earth's school- 
 room, learnin' with difficulty and heart ache 
 the lessons God sets for us. 
 
 " Tough old Experience gives us many a hard 
 noggin', before we learn the day's lessons. 
 And we find the benches hard, long before 
 sundown. And it makes our hearts ache to see 
 the mates we love droop, their too tired heads 
 in sleep, all round us before school is out. 
 But we grind on at our lessons, as best we may. 
 Learnin' a little maybe. Havin' to onlearn a 
 sight, as the pinters move on towards four. 
 Clasping hands with fellow toilers, and (hard 
 task) onclaspin' 'em, as they go up above us, 
 or down nearer the foot. Havin' little ' inter- 
 missions ' of enjoyment, soon over. But wt 
 
School of Experience. 527 
 
 plod on, on, and bimeby — and sometimes we 
 think we do not care how soon — the teacher 
 will say to us, that we can be ' dismissed.' 
 And then we shall drop out of the rank of 
 learners, and the school will go without us, 
 jest as busily, jest as cheerfully, jest as labori- 
 ously, jest as sadly. Poor learners at the 
 hard lessons of life. Larnin' out of a book thatis 
 held out to us from the shadows by an onseen, 
 inexorable hand. Settin' on hard benches 
 that may fall out from under us at any time. 
 Poor ignerent creeters that we are, would it 
 not be a too arrant folly for us to judge each 
 other hardly, we, all on us, so deplorably 
 ignerent', so weakly helpless ?" 
 
 Sez Josiah, in earnest axcents, " Le's walk 
 a little faster." 
 
 And, in lookin' up, I see that he wuz readin' 
 a advertisement. I ketched sight of a picture 
 ornamentin' of it. It wuz Lydia Pinkham. 
 And as I see that benine face, I found and 
 recovered myself. Truly, I had been a soarin' 
 up, up, fur above Saratoga, Patent Medicines, 
 Josiah Allen, etc., etc. 
 
528 At the Haven. 
 
 But when I found myself by the side of 
 Josiah Allen once more, I moved onwards in 
 silence, and soon we found ourselves right by 
 the haven where I desired to be, — our own 
 tried and true boardin' house. 
 
 Truly eloquence is tuckerin', very, espe- 
 cially when you are a soarin' and a walkin' at 
 the same time. 
 
XIX. 
 
 ST. CHRISTINA'S HOME. 
 
 AIvL, it wuz that very after- 
 noon, almost immegatly af- 
 ter dinner, that Josiah Allen 
 invited me warmly to go 
 with him to the Roller Coaster. And I 
 compromised the matter by his goin' with us 
 first to St. Christina's Home, and then, I told 
 him,I would proceed with him to the place where 
 
 529 
 
53° The House Beautiful. 
 
 where lie would be. They wuz both on one 
 road, nigh to each other, and he consented 
 after some words. 
 
 I felt dretfully interested in this Home; for 
 it is a place where poor little sick childern are 
 took to, out of their miserable, stiflin', dirty 
 garrets, and cellars, and kep' and made well and 
 happy in their pleasant, home-like surroundin's. 
 And I thought to myself as I looked, out on 
 the big grounds surroundin' it, and walked 
 through the clean wide rooms, that the change 
 to these childern, brought out of their narrow 
 dark homes of want and woe, into this great 
 sunshiny Home with its clean fresh rooms, its 
 good food, its cheery Christian atmosphere, 
 its broad sunshiny play-grounds, must seem 
 like enterin' Paradise to 'em. 
 
 And I thought to myself how thankful I 
 wuz that this pleasant House Beautiful, wuz 
 prepared for the rest and refreshment of" the 
 poor little pilgrims, worn out so early in the 
 march of life. And I further thinkses I, 
 " Heaven bless the kind heart that first thought 
 sn't, and carried out the heavenly idee." 
 
Clean as a Pin. 531 
 
 The children's faces all looked so happy, 
 and bright, it wuz a treat to see 'em. And 
 the face of the sister who showed us round the 
 rooms, looked as calm, and peaceful, and 
 happy, as if her face wuz the sun from which 
 their little lights wuz reflected. 
 
 Up amongst the rooms overhead, every 
 one on 'em clean as a pin and sweet and 
 orderly, wuz one room that specially attracted 
 my attention. It wuz a small chapel where 
 the little ones wuz took to learn their prayers 
 and say 'em. It wuzn't a big, barren barn of a 
 room, such as I have often seen in similar 
 places, and which I have always thought must 
 impress the children with a awful sense of 
 the immensity and lonesomeness of space, and 
 the intangebility, and distance of the Great 
 Spirit who inhabiteth Eternity. No, it wuz 
 small, and cozy, and cheerful, like a home. 
 And the stained glass window held a beautiful 
 picture of love and charity, which might well 
 touch the children's hearts, sweetly and un- 
 consciously, with the divine worth of love, and 
 beauty, and goodness. 
 
S3 2 Wasting Time. 
 
 And I could fancy the dear little ones kneel- 
 in' here, and pray in' " Our Father, who art 
 in Heaven," and feelin' that He wuz indeed 
 their Father, and not a stranger, and that 
 Heaven wuz not fur off from 'em. And I 
 thought to myself " Never ! never ! through 
 all their life will they get entirely away from 
 the pure, sweet lessons they learn here." 
 
 I enjoyed the hour I spent here with a deep, 
 heart enjoyment,, and so did Josiah. Or, that 
 is, I guess he did, though he whispered to me 
 from time to time, or even oftener, as we went 
 through the buildin', that we wuz a devourin' 
 time that we might be spendin' at the Rollei 
 Coaster. 
 
 Wall, at last, greatly to my pardner's satis- 
 faction, we Sot out for the place where he fain 
 would be. On our way there we roamed 
 through an ather Indian Encampment, a smaller 
 one than that where we had the fearful in- 
 cident of the Mermaid and Sarah. 
 
 No, it wuzn't so big, but it had many inno- 
 cent diversions and a photograph gallery, and 
 other things for its comfert. And a standin' 
 
Lo, the Poor Indian. 
 
 533 
 
 up a leanin' aginst a tree, by one of the little 
 houses stood 
 a Injun. He 
 wuz one of the 
 last left of his 
 t r ib e . He 
 seemed to be 
 a lookin' pen- 
 sively on — 
 andseein'how 
 the land that 
 had belonged 
 to 'em, the 
 happy hunt- 
 ing-grounds, 
 the springs 
 they believed 
 the Great 
 Spirit had gin 
 to 'em, had all 
 passed away 
 into the hands 
 of another race. 
 
 I wuz sorry for that Injun, real sorry. And 
 
 He wuz one of ths last left oi his tribe. 
 
534 Ardelia and Btat. 
 
 thinkses I to myself, we feel considerable pert 
 now, and lively, but wbo knows in another 
 three or four hundred years, but what one of 
 the last of our race, may be a leanin' up aginst 
 some new tree, right in the same spot, a 
 watchin' the old places passed away into other 
 hands, mebby black hands, or some other 
 colored ones ; mebby yellow ones, who knows? 
 I don't, nor Josiah don't. But my pardner 
 wuz a hurryin' me on, so I dropped my revery 
 and imy umberell in my haste to foller on 
 after his footsteps. 
 
 Josiah picked up my umberell, but couldn't 
 pick up my soarin' emotions for me. No, he 
 haint never been able to get holt of 'em. But 
 suffice it to say, that soon, preceded by my 
 companion, I found myself a mountin' the 
 nearly precipitus stairs, that led to the Roller 
 Coaster. 
 
 And havin' reached the spot, who should we 
 find there, but Ardelia Tutt and Bial Flamburg. 
 They had been on the Roller Coaster seven 
 times in succession, and the car. And they 
 «raz now a sittin' down to recooperate their 
 
Roller Coaster. 535 
 
 energies, and collect their scattered wits to- 
 gether. The Roller Coaster is very scatterin' 
 to wits that are not collected firm and sound, 
 and cemented by strong common sense. 
 
 The reason why the Roller Coaster don't 
 scatter such folkses wits is supposed to be 
 because, they don't go on to it. Ardelia 
 looked as if her idees wuz scattered to the four 
 pints of the compass. As for Bial, it seemed 
 to me, as if he never had none to scatter. But 
 he spoke out to once, and said, he didn't care 
 to ride on 'em. (Bial Flamburg's strong 
 pint, is his truthfulness, I can't deny that.) 
 
 Ardelia wouldn't own up but what she en- 
 joyed it dretfully. You know folks are 
 most always so. If they partake of a pleasure 
 and recreation that is doubtful in its effects, 
 they will always say, what a high extreme of 
 enjoyment they enjoyed a partakin' of it, 
 Curius, haint it ? Wall, Josiah had been 
 anticipatin' so much enjoyment from the ex- 
 ercise, that I didn't make no move to prevent 
 him from embarkin' on it — though it looked 
 hazardous and dangerous in the extreme. 
 
53^ JosiaWs Hopes, 
 
 I looked down on the long valleys, and pre 
 cipitous heights of the assents and desents, 
 in which my pardner wuz so soon to be 
 assentin' and desentin' and I trembled, and 
 wuz jest about to urge him to forego his 
 diversion, for the sake of his pardner's happi- 
 ness, but as I turned to expostulate with him, 
 I see the beautiful, joyous, hopeful look ou his 
 liniment, and the words fell almost dead on 
 my tongue. I felt that I had ruther suffer 
 in silence than to say one word to mar that 
 bliss. 
 
 Such is the love of pardners, and such is 
 some of the agonies they suffer silently to 
 save from woundin' the more opposite one. 
 No, I said not a word ; but silently sat, and 
 see him making his preparations to em- 
 bark. He see the expression onto my face, 
 and he too wuz touched by it. He never said 
 one word to me about embarkin' too, which 
 I laid to two reasons. One wuz my im- 
 movable determination not to embark on 
 the voyage, which I had confided to him be- 
 fore. And the other wuz, the added expenses 
 
Good-6ye. 537 
 
 of the journey if lie took his companion with 
 him. 
 
 No, I felt that he thought it wuz better 
 we should part temporarily than that the 
 expenditure should be doubled. But as the 
 time drew near for him to leave me, I see by 
 his meen that he felt bad about leavin' me. 
 He realized what a companion I had been to 
 him. He realized the safety and repose he 
 had always found at my side and the unknown 
 dangers he was a rushing into. 
 
 And he got up and silently shook hands 
 with me. He would have kissed me, I make 
 no doubt, if folks hadn't been a standin' by. He 
 then embarked, and with lightnin' speed wuz 
 bore, away from me, as he dissapeared down 
 the desent, his few gray hairs waved back, 
 and as he went over the last percipitus hill, I 
 heard him cry out in agonizin' axents, "Sam- 
 antha ! Samantha !" 
 
 And I rushed forwards to his rescue but 
 so lightnin' quick wuz their movements' 
 that T met my companion a comin' back, and 
 I sez, the first thing, "I heard your cry, 
 
538 Josiah Screams. 
 
 Josiah I I rushed to save you, my dear pari 
 
 uer." 
 
 " Yes," sez he, " I spoke out to you, to call 
 your attention to the landscape, over the woods 
 there !" 
 
 I looked at him in a curious, still sort of a 
 way, and didn't say nothin' only just that 
 look. Why, that man looked all trembly, and 
 broke up but he kep on. 
 
 " Yes, it wuz beautiful and inspirin', and I 
 knew you wuz such a case for landscapes, I 
 thought I would call your attention to it." 
 
 Sez I coldly, " You wuz skairt, Josiah 
 Allen, and you know it." 
 
 " Skairt ! the idea of me bein' skairt. I 
 wuz callin' your attention to the beauty of 
 the view, over in the woods." 
 
 "What wuz it?" sez I still more coldly; 
 for I can't bear deceit, and coverin' up. 
 
 " Oh, it wuz a house, and a tree, and a barn, 
 and things." 
 
 " A great seen to scream about," sez I. " It 
 would probable have stood there till you got 
 back, but you couldn't seem to wait." 
 
Prevarication. 539 
 
 "No, I have noticed that you always 
 wanted to see things to once. I have noticed 
 it in yon." 
 
 " I could most probable have waited till you 
 got back, to see a house, and a tree." And in 
 still more frigid axents, I added, "Or a barn." 
 And I sez kinder sarkastikly, "You enjoyed 
 your ride, I s'pose." 
 
 " Immensely ; it wuz perfectly beautiful ! So 
 sort a free and soarin' like. It is jest what 
 suits a man." 
 
 " You'd better go right over it agin," sez I. 
 
 "Yes," sez the man who runs the cats. 
 " You'd better go agin." 
 
 "Oh no," sez Josiah. 
 
 "Why not?" sez I. 
 
 " Why not ?" sez the man. 
 
 Josiah Allen looked all round the room, 
 and down on the grass, as if tryin' to find a 
 good reasonable excuse a layin' round loose 
 somewhere, so's he could get holt of it. 
 
 " You'd better go," sez I, " I love to sec 
 you happy, Josiah Allen." 
 
 v $es, you'd better go," sez the man. 
 
54© " Kinder Cloudy!'' 
 
 " No !" sez Josiah, still a lookin' round for a 
 excuse, up into the heavens and onto the hor- 
 izen. And at last his face kinder brightenin* 
 up, as if he had found one : " No, it looks so 
 kinder cloudy, I guess I won't go. I think we 
 shall have rain between now and night." And 
 so we said no more on the subject and sot out 
 homewards. 
 
 Ardelia wrote a poem on the occasion, wrote 
 it right there, with rapidity and a lead pencil, 
 and handed it tome, before I left the room. I 
 put it into my pocket and didn't think on it, 
 for some days afterwards. 
 
 That night after we got home from the 
 Roller Coaster, I felt dretful sort a down- 
 hearted about Abram Gee, I see in that little 
 incident of the day, that Eial, although I 
 couldn't like him, yet I see he had his good 
 qualities, I see how truthful he wuz. And 
 although I love truth — I fairly worship it- 
 yet I felt that if things wuz as he said they 
 wuz, he would more'n probable get Ardelia 
 Tutt, for I know the power of Ambition in her, 
 and I felt that she would risk the chances of 
 
A Crisis at" Hand. ^\ 
 
 happiness, for the name of bein' a Banker's 
 Bride. 
 
 So I sat there in deep gloom, and a choco- 
 late colored wrapper, till as late as half past 
 nine o'clock P. M. And I felt that the course 
 of Abram's love wuz not runnin' smooth. No, 
 I felt that it wuz runnin' in a dwindlin' tor- 
 rent over a rocky bed, and a percepitus one. 
 And I felt that if he was with me then and 
 there, if we didn't mingle our tears together 
 we could our sithes, for I sithed, powerful and 
 frequent. 
 
 Poor short-sighted creeter that I wuz, a 
 settin' in the shadow, when the sun wuz just a 
 gettin' ready-to shine out onto Abram and re- 
 flect off onto my envious heart. Even at 
 that very time the hand of righteous Retribu- 
 tion had slipped its sure noose over Bial 
 Flamburg's neck, and wuz a walkin' him 
 away from Ardelia, away from happiness 
 (oritory). 
 
 At that very hour, half-past nine p. m., 
 Ardelia Tutt and Abram Gee had met agin, 
 and rosy love and happiness wuz even then a 
 
542 Thrown Out. 
 
 stringin' roses on the chain, that wuz to bind 
 'em together forever. 
 
 The way on't wuz : It bein' early when Ar. 
 delia got here, Bial proposed to take her out for 
 a drivev and she consented. He got a livery 
 horse, and buggy, and they say that the livery 
 man knew jest what sort of a creeter the horse 
 wuz, and knew it wuz liable to break the 
 buggy all to pieces and them too, and he let 
 'em have it for gbin'. But howsumever, 
 whether that is so or not, when they got about 
 five or six milds from Saratoga the horse 
 skeered out of the road, and-throwed 'em both 
 out. 
 
 It wuz a bank of sand that skeert it, a high 
 bank that wuz piled up by a little hovel that 
 stood by the side of the road. The ground all 
 round the hut wuz too poor to raise anything 
 else but sand, and had raised sights of that. 
 
 A man and woman, dretful shabby lookin', 
 wuz a standin' by the door of the hut, and the 
 man had a shovel in his hand, and had been a 
 loadin' sand into a awful big wheelbarrow that 
 wuz a standin' by — seemin'ly ready to carry 
 
II 
 
 i E 
 
 I B 
 
 in 
 
 i c 
 
 13. 
 i rn 
 : or 
 
 543 
 
Tke Banker. 545 
 
 it acrost the fields, to where some man wuz a 
 niixin' some mortar to lay the foundations of 
 a barn. 
 
 Wall, the old man stood a pantin' by the 
 side of the wheelbarrow, as if he had indeed 
 got on too heavy a load. It wuz piled up high. 
 The horse shied, and Ardelia wuz throwed 
 right out onto the bank of sand, Bial by the 
 side of her. And the old man and woman 
 came a runnin' up, and callin' out, " Bial, my 
 son, my son, are you wounded?" 
 
 And there it all wuz. Ardelia see the hull 
 on it.. The Banker wuz before her, and she 
 wuz a layin' on the bank. And the banker 
 wuz a doin' a heavy business ; if anybody 
 doubted it, let 'em take holt and cart a load on 
 it acrost the fields. 
 
 Wall, Ardelia wuz jarred fearful, in her 
 heart, her ambition, her pride, and her bones. 
 And as the horse wuz a fleein' far away, and 
 no other conveyance could be found, to trans* 
 port her to the next house, (Ardelia wouldn't 
 go into his'n) and night wuz approachin' with 
 rapid strides, the old Banker jest unloaded the 
 
546 
 
 Kind but Coarse. 
 
 load of sand (good old creeter, he would have 
 to load it all over agin), and took Ardelia into 
 the wheelbarrow, and wheeled her over to the 
 next house, and unloaded her. 
 The old Banker told Ardelia that when his 
 
 The old Banker took Ardelia into the wheelbarrow, and wheeled her 
 over to the next house. 
 
 neighbor got home he would take her back to 
 Saratoga, which he did. He had been to the 
 village for necessaries, but he turned right 
 round and carried her back to Mr. Pixleyses. 
 And I s'pose Ardelia paid him, mebby as high 
 as j 5 cents. As for Bial he tramped off into 
 
In Abram's Arms. 547 
 
 the house, and she didn't see him agin nor 
 didn't want to. Wall, I s'pose it wuz durin' that 
 ride on the wheelbarrow, that Ardelia's ambi- 
 tion quelled to softer emotions. I s'pose so. 
 She never owned it right up to me, but I s'pose 
 so. 
 
 Bial Flamburg hadn't lied a word to her. 
 In all her agony she realized that. But she 
 had built a high towerin' structure of ambition 
 on what he said, and it had tottered. And as 
 is natural in times of danger, the heart turns 
 instinctively to its true love, she thought of 
 Abram Gee, she wanted him. And as if in 
 answer to her deep and lovin' thought, who 
 should come out to the buggy to help her out 
 at Mr. Pixleyses gate, but Abram Gee ? He 
 had come unexpected, and on the eight o'clock 
 train, and wuz there waitin' for her, 
 
 If Bial Flamburg had been with her, he 
 wouldn't have gone a nigh the buggy, but he 
 see it wuz a old man, and he rushed out. 
 Ardelia couldn't walk a step on her feet (owin' 
 to bein' shaken up, in bones and feelin's) , and 
 Abram jest took her in" his strong lovin' arms 
 
548 The Next Day. 
 
 and carried her into the house, and she sort « 
 clung round his neck, and seemed tickled 
 enough to see him. 
 
 But she wuz dretful shook up and agitated, 
 and it wuzn't till way along in the night some* 
 time, that she wuz able to write a poem called, 
 " a lay on a wheelbarrow ; or, the fallen one." 
 
 Which I thought when I read it, wuz a good 
 name for it, for truly she had fell, and truly, 
 she had lay on it. Howsumever, Ardelia wrote 
 that jest because it wuz second nater to write 
 poetry on every identical thing she ever see 
 or did. 
 
 She wuz glad enough to get rid of Bial 
 Flamburg, and glad enough to go back to her 
 old love. Abram wuz too manly and tender 
 to say a word to Ardelia that night on the sub- 
 ject nearest to his heart. No, he see she 
 needed rest. But the next day, when they 
 wuz alone together, I s'pose he put the case 
 all before her. All his warm burnin' love for 
 her, all his jealousy, and his wretchedness 
 while she wuz a waverin' between Banks and 
 Bread, how his heart had been checked by the 
 
Engaged. 549 
 
 Shought that Bial would vault over him, and 
 in the end hold him at a discount. 
 
 Why, I s'pose he talked powerful and melted 
 Ardelia's soft little heart till it wuz like the 
 softest kind of dough' in his hands. And 
 then he went on tenderly to say, how he 
 needed her, and how she could mold him to 
 her will. I s'pose he talked well, and eloquent, 
 I s'pose so. Anyhow she accepted him right 
 there in full faith and a pink and white cam- 
 bric dress. 
 
 And they came over and told me about it 
 in the afternoon P. -M. And I felt well and 
 happy in my mind, and wished 'em joy with 
 a full heart and a willin' mind. 
 ' They are both good creeters. And she 
 bein' so soft, and he so kinder hardy and stout 
 hearted, I believe they will get along first rate. 
 And when she once let her mind and heart 
 free to think on him, she worships him so 
 openly and unreservidly (though soft), that I 
 don't believe there is a happier man in the 
 hull country. 
 
 Wall, I lay out to give 'em a handsome pres- 
 
550 The Outlook. 
 
 ent when they be married, which will be iu fcha 
 fall. Mother Gee (who has got as well as can 
 be expected) is goin' to live with Susan. And 
 I am glad on't. Mother Gee is a good old 
 female no doubt, but it is resky work to take 
 a new husband to live with, and when you 
 take a mother-in-law too it adds to the resk. 
 But she is goin' to live with Susan ; it is her 
 prefference. 
 
 And Abram has done so well, that, he has 
 bought another five acres onto his place, and 
 is a goin' to fix his house all over splendid be- 
 fore the weddin' day. And Ardelia is to go 
 right from the altar to her home ; it is her own 
 wishes. 
 
 She knows enough in her way, Ardelia duz. 
 And she has a wisdom of the heart which 
 sometimes I think, goes fur ahead of the wis- 
 dom of the head. And then agin, I think 
 they go well together, wisdom of the head and 
 the heart too. (The times I think this is 
 after readin' her poetry.) 
 
 But any way she will make Abram a good 
 soft little wife, lovin' and affectionate always. 
 
Abram's Love. 551 
 
 And good land ! he loves her to that extent 
 fhat it wouldn't make no difference to him if 
 she didn't know enough to come in when it 
 rained. He would fetch her in, drippin', and 
 ^Vorship her, damp or dry. 
 
 Them verses of Ardelia's, that she handed 
 toe, by the Roller Coaster wuz as follows — 
 
 "A LAY ON A ROIXER COASTER 
 
 " BY ARDELIA TUTT. 
 
 "Oh was thy track all straight, and smooth like glass 
 Thou couldest not mount the hills, and lo, the dells, 
 The hills and dells oh! Roller Coaster pass 
 In peace, believing all things well. 
 
 "The hills of life go down, and mount elate 
 
 We mount or sink on them, as case may be 
 • All seated on the wagon seat of life— - 
 
 A holdin' on in peace, or screamin' fearfulee. 
 
 "Hold then thy breath, and go, e'en up or down, 
 Hold to the seat, and hold to royal hope, 
 Hope for the best,, so shalt thou wear a crown, 
 A clinging hope to hold, is better than a rope. 
 
552 
 
 Firm Friendship. 
 
 "Mount then the Mounts, Oh Roller Coaster mount, 
 And sink: then in the dells with brow serene ; 
 'Tis no disgrace to sink a spell, we count 
 Him coward, knave, who floats and calls it mean." 1 
 
 Ardelia always will stand up for Josiah Allen, 
 and I am glad on't. I should jest as soon be 
 jealous of one of Josiah's gingham neckties, 
 one of the thinnest and stringiest ones, as to 
 be jealous of her. She means well, Ardelia 
 duz. 
 
XX. 
 
 AN ACCIDENT WITH RESULTS. 
 
 ALL/, it wU3 on the very day be- 
 fore we laid out to leave for 
 home. I wuz a settin' in my 
 room a mendin' up a rip in my pardner's best 
 coat, previous to packin' in his trunk, when all 
 of a sudden Miss Flamm's hired girl came in a 
 cryin', and sez I, " What is the matter ?" 
 
 And sez she, " Ah ! Miss Flamm has sent 
 for you and Mr. Allen to come over there right 
 away. There has been a axident." 
 
 553 
 
554 An Accident. 
 
 " A axident !" sez I. 
 
 "Yes," sez she. " The little girl lias got 
 hurt, and they don't think she -will live. Poor 
 little pretty thing,'' sez the hired girl, and 
 busted out a cryin' agin. 
 
 " How did she get hurt ?" sez I, as I laid 
 down the coat, and went to tyin' on my burinet 
 mekanically. 
 
 " Wall, thenurse had her out with the baby 
 and the little boys. And we s'pose she had 
 been drinkin' too much. We all knew sbe 
 drinked, and she wuzn't in a condition to go 
 out with the children this mornin', and Miss 
 Flamm would have noticed it and kep' 'em in, 
 but the dog wuz sick all night and Miss Flamns 
 wuz up with it most all night, and she felt 
 wore out this mornin' with her anxiety for the 
 dog, and her want of sleep, and so they went 
 out, and it wuzn't more'n half an hour before 
 it took place. She left the baby carriage and 
 the little boys and girl in a careless place, not 
 knowin' what she wuz about, and they got run 
 over. The baby and the little boys wuzn't 
 hurt much, but they think the little girl will 
 
A Mother's Sorrow. 555 
 
 die. Miss Flamm went right into a caniption 
 fit," sez she, " when she wuz brung in." 
 
 " It is a pity she hadn't went into one before," 
 sez I very dryly, dry as a chip almost. My 
 axents wuz fairly dusty they wuz so dry. But 
 my feeliu's for Miss Flamm moistened up 
 and melted down when I see her, when we 
 went into the room. It didn't take us long 
 for they are still to the tarven, and we met 
 Josiah Allen at the door, so he went with us. 
 
 Yes, Miss Flamm felt bad enough, bad 
 enpugh. She has got a mother's heart after 
 all. down under all the strings and girtihs, and 
 laces, and dogs, etc., etc., that have hid it, and 
 surrounded' it. Her face wuz jest as white 
 and deathly as the little girl's, and that wuz jest 
 the picture of stillness and death. And I 
 remembered then that I had heard that thelittle 
 girl wuz her favorite amongst her children, 
 whenever she had any time to notice 'em. She 
 wuz a only daughter and a beauty, besides 
 bein' smart. 
 
 The doctor had been there, and done what 
 he could, and gone away. He said there wuz 
 
556 "Pray for Me." 
 
 nothin' more to do till she came out of that 
 stuper, if she ever did. But it looked, like 
 death, and there Miss Flamm sot alone with 
 her child, and her conscience. She wuzn't a 
 cryin' but there wuz a look in her eyes, in her 
 set white face that went beyond tears, fur be- 
 yond 'em. She gripped holt of my hand with 
 her icy cold ones, and sez she, " Pray for me I" 
 She wuz brung up a Methodist, and knew we 
 wuz the same. My feelin's overcame me as I 
 looked in her face and the child's, both lookin' 
 like dyin' . faces, and I sez with the tears a 
 jest runnin' down my cheeks and a layin' my 
 hand .tender on her shoulder, " Is there any- 
 thing I can do for you, you poor little creeter?" 
 
 " Pray for me," sez she agin, with her white 
 lips not movin' in a smile, nor a groan. 
 
 Now my companion, Josiah Allen, is a class- 
 leader, and , though T say it that mebby 
 shouldn't — That man is able in prayer. He 
 prays as if he meant what he said. He don't 
 try to show off in oritory as so many do, or 
 give the Lord information. He never sez, 
 M Oh Lord, thou knowest by the mornin' 
 
Hesitation in Prayer. 557 
 
 papers, so and so." No, he prays in simple 
 words for what he wants. And he always 
 seems to feel that somebody is nigh to him, a 
 hearin' him, and if it is best and right, his re- 
 quests will be granted. 
 
 So I motioned for that man to kneel down 
 by the bed and pray, which he did. He wuz 
 to the fore side of the bed, and Miss Flamm 
 and I on the other side. Wall, Josiah com- 
 tuenced his prayer, in a low, earnest askin' 
 voice, then all of a sudden he begun to hesitate, 
 waver, and act dretful agitated. And his actions 
 and agitations seemed to last for some time. 
 I thought it wuz his feelin's overcomin' of 
 him, and of course, my hand bein' over my 
 eyes in a respectful, decent way, I didn't see 
 nothin'. 
 
 But at last, after what wuz seemingly a 
 great effort, he began to go on as usual agin. 
 About that time I heard sunthin hit the wall 
 hard on the other side of the room, and I 
 heard a yelp. But then everything wuz still 
 and Josiah Allen made a good prayer. And 
 before it wuz through Miss Flamm laid her 
 
55 8 Tears. 
 
 head down onto my shoulder, and busted into 
 tears. 
 
 And what wuz rooted up and washed away 
 by them tears I don't know, and I don't s'pose 
 anybody duz. Whether vanity, and a mis- 
 taken ambition, and the poor empty successes 
 of a fashionable life wuz uprooted and floated 
 away on the awakened, . sweepin' tide of a 
 mother's love and remorse; whether the dog 
 floated down that stream, and low necked 
 dresses, and high hazardus slippers, and 
 strings for waists and corsets, and fashion, 
 and folly, and rivalry, andwaltzin', and glitter, 
 and buttons, and show ; whether they all went 
 down that stream, swept along like bubbles 
 on a heavin' tumultuous tide, I don't know, 
 nor I don't s'pose anybody duz. 
 
 But any way, from that day on Miss Flamm. 
 has been a different woman. I staid with her 
 al,l that night and the next day, she a not 
 leavin' the child's bed .for a minute, and we a 
 not getting of her to, much as we tried to ; 
 eatin' whatever we could make her eat right 
 there by the bedside. And on the 2d day the 
 
A Dead Dog. 559? 
 
 doctor see a change in the child and she began 
 to roust up a little out of that stuper, and, in 
 a week's time, she wuz a beginnin' to get 
 well. 
 
 We stayed on till she wuz out of danger 
 and then we went home. But I see that she 
 wuz to be trusted with her children after that. 
 She dismissed that nurse, got a good motherly 
 one, who she said would help her take care of 
 the children for the future ; only help her, for 
 she should have the oversight of 'em herself, 
 always. 
 
 The hired girl told me (Miss Flamm never 
 mentioned it to me) , and she wuz glad enough 
 of it, that the dog wuz dead. 'It died the day 
 the little girl wuz hurt. The hired girl said 
 the doctor had told Miss Flamm, that it 
 couldn't live long. But it wuzn't till we wuz 
 on our-way home that I found out one of the 
 last eppisodes in that dog's life. You see, 
 sick as that dog wuz, it wuz bound to bark at 
 my pardner as long as it had a breath left in 
 its body. And Josiah told me in confidence 
 (and it must be kep', it is right that it should 
 
560 Hindrances to Prayer. 
 
 be) ; he said jest after he had knelt down and 
 began to pray he felt that dog climb up onto 
 his heels, and pull at his coat-tails, and growl 
 a low mad growl, and naw at 'em. 
 
 He tried to nestle round and get it off 
 quietly, but no, there it stood right onto 
 Josiah Allen's heels, and hung on, and tugged 
 at them coat tails, and growled at 'em that 
 low deep growl, arid shook 'em, as if deter- 
 mined to worry 'em off. And there my com- 
 panion wuz. He couldn't show his feelin's 
 in his face ; he had got to keep his face all 
 right towards Miss Flamm. And his feelin's 
 was rousted up about her, and he wuz a 
 wantin', and knew he wuz expected, to have 
 his words and manner soothin' and comfortin', 
 and that dog a standin' on his heels and 
 tearin' off his coat-tails. 
 
 What to do he didn't know. He -couldn't 
 stop his prayer on such a time as this and kill 
 a dog, though he owned up to me that he felt 
 like it, and he couldn't keep still and feel his 
 coat-tails tore off of him, and be growled at, 
 and shook, and nawed at all day. So he said 
 
Freedom Secured. 
 
 56* 
 
 after the dog had gin a most powerful tug, 
 
 almost a partin' the skirts asunder from his 
 
 coat, he drew up one foot carefully (still a 
 
 keepin' his face straight and -the prayer a 
 
 goin') and brung it back sudden and voyalent, 
 
 and he heard the 
 
 dog strike aginst 
 
 the opposite side 
 
 of the 
 
 room 
 
 with 
 
 one 
 
 The dog had gin a most powerful tug, almost a partin' the skirts 
 asunder from his coat. 
 
 short, sharp yelp, and then silence rained 
 down and he finished the prayer. 
 
 But he said, and owned it up to me, that it 
 didn't seem to him so much like a religious 
 
562 A Hard Place. 
 
 exercise, as lie could wish. It didn't seem to 
 help his spiritual growth much, if any. 
 
 And I sez, "I should think as much," and! 
 sez, "You wuz in a hard place, Josiah Allen." 
 
 And he sez, " It wuz the dumbdest hard 
 place any one wuz ever in on earth." 
 
 And I sez, " I don't know but it wuz." That 
 man wuz to be pitied, and I told him so, and 
 he acted real cheerful and contented at hearin' 
 my mind. He owned up that he had dreaded 
 tellin' me about it, for fear I would upbraid 
 him. But, good land ! I would have been a 
 hard hearted creeter if I could upbraid a man 
 for goin' through such a time as that. He 
 said he thought mebby I would think it wuz 
 irreverent or sunthin', the dog's actions, at 
 such a time. 
 
 "Wall,'' sez I, "you didn't choose the 
 actions, did you? It wuzn't nothin' you 
 wanted." 
 
 " No," sez he feelin'ly. " Heaven knows I 
 didn't. And I done the best I could," sez he 
 Bort a pitiful. 
 
 Sez I, " I believe you, Josiah Allen," and 
 
Resignation. 563 
 
 sez I warmly, " I don't believe that Alexander, 
 or Cezar, or Grover Cleveland, could have done 
 any better." 
 
 He brightened all up at this, he felt dretful 
 -well to think I felt with him, and my feelin's 
 wuz all rousted up to think of the sufferin's he 
 had went through, so we felt real well towards 
 each other. Such is some of the comforts and 
 consolations of pardners. Howsumever, the 
 dog died, and I wuz kinder sorry for the dog, 
 I think enough of dogs (as dogs) and always 
 did. Always use 'em dretful well, only it 
 mads me to have 'em put ahead of children, 
 and. sot up in front of 'em. I always did and 
 always shall like a dog as a dog. 
 
 Wall, they say that when that dog died, 
 Miss Flamm hardly enquired about it, she wuz 
 so took up in gettin' acquainted with her own 
 children. And I s'pose they improved on ac- 
 quaintance, for they say she is jest devoted to 
 'em. And she got acquainted with G. Wash- 
 ington too, so they say. He wuz a stiddy, 
 quiet man, and she had got to lookin' on him 
 as her banker and business man. But they 
 
564 The Home Trip. 
 
 say she liked hiin real well, come to get ao 
 quainted with him. He always jest worshipped 
 her, so they are real happy. There wuz always 
 sunthin' kinder good about Miss Flamm. 
 
 Thos. J. is a carryin' on another law suit fot 
 her (more money that descended onto her from 
 her father, or that ort to descend). And he 
 is carryin' it stiddy and safe. It will bring 
 Thomas Jefferson over 900 dollars in money 
 besides fame, a hull lot of fame. 
 
 Wall, we sot sail for home in good spirits, 
 and the noon train. And we reached Jones- 
 villt with no particular eppisodin' till we got to 
 the Jonesville Depot. I ruther think Ardelia 
 Tutt wrote a poem on the cars goin' home, 
 though I can't say for certain. 
 
 She and Abram sot a few seats in front of 
 us, and I thought I see a certain look to the 
 backside of her head that meant poetry. It 
 wuz a kind of a sot look, and riz up, like. But 
 I can't say for certain for she didn't have no 
 chance to tell me about it. Abram looked 
 down at her all the time as if he jest wor- 
 shipped her. And she is a good, little creeter, 
 
The Hefty Trunk. 565 
 
 and will make him a happy wife, I don't make 
 no doubt. As I said, the old lady is goin' to live 
 with Susan. They went right on in the train, 
 for Ardelia's home lays beyond Jonesville, 
 and Abram wuz goin' home with her by Dea- 
 con Tutt's request. ' They are willin'. 
 
 Wall, we disembarked from the cars, and 
 we found the old mair and the Democrat a 
 waitin' for us. Thomas J. wnz a comin' for 
 us, but had spraint his wrist and couldn't 
 drive. Wall, Josiah lifted our saddul bags in, 
 and my umbrell, and the band box. But 
 when he went to lift my trunk he faltered. It 
 wuz heavy. I had got relicts from Mount Me* 
 Gregor, from the Battlefield, from the various 
 springs, minerals, stuns, and things, and Jo- 
 siah couldn't lift it. 
 
 What added to the hardness of the job, the 
 handles had broke offen it, and he had to grip 
 holt on it, by the might of his finger nails. 
 It wuz a hard job, and Josiah's face got red 
 and I felt, as well as see, that his temper wua 
 a risin'. And I sez instinctively, "Josiah, be 
 calm I" . For I knew not what onguarded word 
 
■5*6 
 
 A Ton of Stones. 
 
 he ndght drop as he vainly tried to grip holt 
 on it, and it eluded his efforts and came down on 
 the ground every time, a carryin' with it, I 
 
 s'pose, portions of his 
 finger nails, broke oS 
 in the fray. 
 
 Wall, he wuz a strug- 
 
 'glin' with it and with 
 
 his feelin's, for I kep' 
 
 on a sayin', 
 
 "Josiah, do 
 
 becalm! Do 
 
 ('///liMW/M 1 : '* ' • ■■■rflk be careful 
 
 about usin' 
 a profane 
 word so nigh 
 
 When he went to lift my trunk tie (altered. home, and 
 
 at this timt 
 of day, and you jest home from a tower." 
 
 And he kep' his feelin's nobly under control, 
 and never said a word, only to wonder " what 
 under the High Heavens a woman wanted tc 
 lug round a ton of stones in her trunk for." 
 And anon sayin' th?.t he would be dumbed U 
 
A New Hand. 
 
 5ty 
 
 he didn't leave it right there on the plat- 
 form. 
 Savin* these few slight remarks that man 
 
 nobly restrained him- 
 self, and lugged and 
 lifted till the blood al- 
 most gushed through 
 his bald head. 
 And right in 
 the midst of 
 the fray, a 
 porter came 
 
 He would be dumbed if he didn't leave it right there on the platform, 
 
 lip and went to liftin' the trunk in the usual 
 high-headed, haughty way Railroad officials 
 
568 The Trunk Aboard. 
 
 have. But anon a change came over his line- 
 ment. And as it fell back from his fingers to 
 the platform for the 3d time, he broke out in 
 a torrent of swearin' words dretful to hear. 
 
 I felt as if I should sink through the Demo- 
 crat. But Josiah listened to the awful words 
 with a warm glow of pleasure and satisfaction 
 a beaming from his face. I never saw him look 
 more complacent. And as the man moistened 
 his hands and with another frightful burst 
 of profanity histed it into the end of the 
 buggy. 
 
 Wall, I gin the man a few warnin' words 
 against profanity, and Josiah gin him a quar« 
 ter for liftin' in the trunk, he said, and we 
 drove off in the meller glow of the summer 
 sunset. 
 
 But it wuz duskish before we got to the turn 
 of the road, and considerable dark before we 
 got to the Corners. But we went on through 
 the shadovs, a feelin' we could bear 'em, for 
 we wuz together, and we wuz a goin' home. 
 
 And pretty soon we got there ! The door 
 wuz open, the warm light wuz a streamin' out 
 
Home Again! 
 
 569 
 
 from door and windows, and there stood the 
 childern ! 
 
 There they all wuz, all we loved best, a 
 waitin' to welcome us. Love, which is. the 
 light of Heaven, wuz a shinin' on their faces, 
 and we had got home. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I, 
 
 WHY WE WENT TO SARATOGA. 
 
 r How tlie idea of going to Saratoga came — "That idee a han!i» 
 me" — Josiah's corns — Josiah scoffs — Samantha consults Dr. 
 Gale about it — He advises them to go — Josiah scorns the ad- 
 vice — Deep plans to win Josiah over — Josiah yields — What the 
 neighbors thought of it — A subject of conversation all winter 
 — Aunt Polly Pixley thinks she too will go — Sister Minkley's ad- 
 monition — Samantha's reply — Low necks — How a man was 
 admitted — The prevailing opinion — Samantha buys a new dress 
 — Alminy Hagidone gets a piece of Samantha's mind — Sisterly 
 advice for pardners — Advantages of a " tower " — Great is the mys- 
 tery of pardners I i«j 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 ARDELIA TUTT AND HER MOTHER. 
 
 Miss Deacon Tutt of Tuttville and her daughter Ardelia — The 
 market price of poetry — "Four quarts of poems" — Her poem 
 on Spring — Ardelia reads — "Sweet little Thing!" — "Lines on 
 a Cat" — "A likely cat" — Shakespeare — "Ardelia on the back 
 of that horse that poets ride " — Hens trying to fly — " I would 
 throw her verses into the fire and set her to a trade " — Great indig- 
 nation — Ardelia to teach the winter's school — Boarding at 
 Samantha's, 44 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 CHARITY AT JONESVILLE. 
 
 Jim Smedley and his sudden death — Strange dispensations of 
 providence — Some women love some men, and vicy versey — Jane 
 
 571 
 
57 2 Contents, 
 
 Smedley finds a home at last — Nine orphan children — A cold 
 winter coming on — Samantha's thoughts — Samantba proposes a 
 " pound party " for the Smedleys — Josiah is willing — Unwilling 
 neighbors — Conflicting excuses — Discouraging visits — A fresh 
 start — Good success — The house decorated — Donations on a 
 generous scale — Elder Minkley's prayer — Surprise at the Smed- 
 leys' cabin — Grandma Smedley at rest, ...' ••• Jt 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 AMELIA TUTT AND ABRAM GKB, 
 
 Adelia's success as a teacher — Abram Gee falls desperately in 
 love — Ardelia's hope — A prince in disguise — Conflict between 
 love and ambition — *' Stanzas on Bread, or A Lay of a Broken 
 Heart " — Ardelia to accompany Samantha to Saratoga — Off for 
 Saratoga — Poetry on the train, ............... IlS 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Arrival at Saratoga. 
 
 Saratoga at sunset — Misunderstanding with the hackman — Tho 
 first supper — Josiah begins to talk " high learnt and classical " — 
 Central Park by moonlight — Josiah in raptures — The land of 
 " Beuler " — Samantha's reflections on the electric lights — " Light 
 is pretty' generally safe to foller" — "Could Beuler land compare 
 with this?" 13& 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 SARATOGA BY DAYLIGHT. 
 
 Still further explorations of Saratoga — "Dumb them dumb 
 sidewalks, anyr'ay I" — " Travel is very upliftin' and openih" and 
 spreadin' out to the mind" — Josiah decides to buy a trumpet— 
 
Contents. 57$ 
 
 A "mucin* of the races" — More parasols and dogs — Josiah's 
 head scooped in — Big hotels — A "land where parasols and 
 puckers are not, and dogs and diamonds are no more " — " Josiah 
 and me sot down to recooperate" — Too many men, likeways 
 wimmen — Josiah's opinion of parasols — The beautiful white 
 female proves to be a statue — Perfectly tuckered out, 154 
 
 CHAFl'ER VII. 
 
 seeing ti-:e different springs, 
 
 A visit to the springs — Samantha's reveries on the wafer— 
 Josiah drinks more water than is good for him — " Bound to get 
 the worth of my money "— Deathly sick — "He had drin ;ed 
 eleven tumblers full" — A prevailing trait in ''men's nater, r nd 
 fcometimes wim nin's" — ''That alreadytoo filled up bureau drav" 
 — Some of the trials of pardners — Some of the joys of pardnors 
 —Another poem, " Stanzas ou a Mineral Spring," .,.,,, 177. 
 
 CUAP1ER VIII. 
 
 AUNT TOLLV PIXLE'." VISITS SAMANTHA. 
 
 A won' ierful improvement — " Ar.lelia Tutt has got a new bo " 
 — Bial FJ imburg seeks an introductio to Ardelia — Trouble ahead 
 for Abrar 1 Gee — A walk tT rough the Park — Ardelia and a young 
 man by her side — They v'sit the Stores — Samantha chooses a 
 picture — fosialrs exciterienl at mention of the price — How the 
 streets of Saratoga were named — The only thing Saratoga lacked 
 — Josiah' i excitement reaches a climax — Samantha does not like 
 Bial Fhv aburg — Ardelin wou; d love to be a " banker's bride " — 
 Samanth:'. suggests to Abram (lee to make a summer trip to Sara- 
 toga — " A Lay on a Female Trout, iu Central Park," by Ardelia 
 Tntt, . .«, 19S 
 
574 Contents. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 josiah's flirtation. 
 
 Josiah decides to engage in a flirtation — The pretty English 
 girl — Carriage ride with the Batches — Josiah "has another en- 
 gagement" — The English girl asks Josiah to walk with her— 
 Samantha rides to Saratoga Lake with her Jonesville friends— 
 The Freethinker's conversation — They pass the English girl strid- 
 ing on alone — "Where wuz my pardner, Josiah Allen, now?" — 
 Josiah in distress — Picking up a passenger — " His boots wuz off 
 and his stockin's" — Josiah rides home — His boots in his hand 
 —Josiah a new man — '' A wife's stiddy affection," 3JI 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 MISS G. WASHINGTON FLAMM. 
 
 ' Miss G. Washington Flamm — Plows and furrows — "Mebby 
 It wuz dogs" — Miss Flamm's children and nurses — Miss 
 Flamm and the science of dogs — Miss Flamm invites Josiah and 
 Samantha to drive — Josiah covets the fine clothes of Miss Flamm's 
 high-toned relatives — ■' That is my aim, Samantha " — " A curius 
 seen " — Miss Flamm astonishes Josiah and Samantha — " Josiah 
 would rather have died "—The Geyser Spring — Samantha's re- 
 flections on nature — " A big-feelin' little cuss-tomer " — At Vichy 
 Spring — The dog and Josiah— "When I say jump, jump!" — i 
 "Moons" is not another planet— On the piazza — Samantha 
 meditates again — Samantha finds a straw in her lemonade — " The 
 dog and Miss Flamm and Miss Flamm's relatives drive off," . . Vf\ 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 VISIT TO THE INDIAN ENCAMPMENT. 
 
 Samantha's impressions of Saratoga people — Some charitable 
 Institutions — The Indian encampment — Astounding revelations 
 of the fortune-teller — Samantha resolves to get the worth of her 
 money — Josiah and Samantha discuss deep things — A sudden 
 
Contents. 575 
 
 excitement — "Don't you hit Sarah agin!" — Josiah and Samantha 
 enter upon their search for beauty — Another excitement — Josiah 
 waxes terrible — " The hombliest, frightfulest-lookin' little thing " 
 — Josiah is subdued — "Far be it from me to say ■ Mermaid* to 
 Josiah Allen," 3IJ 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 A DRIVE TO SARATOGA LAKE. 
 
 Josiah and Samantha take a drive — A deep subject — What the 
 Lake suggested to Samantha — " Sunthin uneek " — " That haint a 
 barn, that is a tree " — Samantha falls into a revery — At the Race 
 Course — "Athrillin' seen" — Samantha " prefers runnin' water " 
 — Refuses to buy a pool — "Drive on, Josiah, instantly and to 
 once !" — Josiah thinks a " pool " would come handy in " waterin' 
 the cattle " — '" The bubbles on the tide wuzn't foam " — " Feathers, 
 and bows, and laces, and parasols, and etcetry, etcetry," .... 344 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 VISITS TO NOTABLE PLACES. 
 
 On the piazza — "The folks a goin'past" — Thoughts for the 
 benefit of those " who have had various companions and lost 'em " 
 —A visit to the cemetery — Josiah reads an obituary, as appropri- 
 ate to the occasion — Samantha defends Providence — They visit 
 the Toboggan Slide— Some thoughts by the way — "Who is the 
 Toboggan anyway? — Is he a native of the place or a Injun?"— 
 Anxious to know " where the fun comes in " — Josiah must To- 
 boggan — Samantha's strange dream accounted for — Josiah experi. 
 ments with the bolster and blankets— Josiah is not " quelled "—• 
 Josiah trying to walk in snowshoes — Ardelia is pensive and low- 
 spirited— " Stanzas Wrote on a Deer; In Central Park; By Ar- 
 delia Tutt," 37* 
 
57^ Contents. 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 - AT MOUNT M'GREGOR. 
 
 Visit to Mount M'Gregor-:-" It wuz a fair seen " — Josiah ret* 
 tued on the brink of a catastrophe — When the Hero met his last 
 foe — " On duty " — When the pen was laid down for the last 
 time — " The world wakes to praise thee " — " Five minutes at 
 Daisy Station " — Josiah picks daisies — " He had yanked 'em all 
 up by their roots " — A strange looking " Bokay " — Ferocious at 
 ■ stranger's polite remark — Samantha diverts his attention, . . 411 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 ADVENTURES AT VARIOUS SPRINGS. 
 
 Josiah's excitement over the Everlasting Spring — " I'm in now 
 for another hundred years " — Josiah calculates how much he can 
 drink — " The immortal Spring is the one for me !" — How a dead 
 wife was brought to life again — Josiah losing health and strength 
 »—His death foretold — " You must drink from the Liveforever 
 Spring " — " I don't hold but two quarts !" — Josiah becomes a 
 wiser man — " These waters are dretful good " — " Stanzas on the 
 Death of Josiah Allen " — " My Own Lay on a, Spring ; By 
 Aj-deliaTutt," AV 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 AT A LAWN PARTY. 
 
 Samantha and Josiah seek lawn to wear at the lawn party— 
 Josiah proposes to have some wrapped round his hat — Samantha 
 falls into a revery — Josiah proposes to have his corns examined 
 —Miss Flamm explains a lawn party— Samantha has a "full 
 dress" ready for the occasion — Josiah decides to go in "full 
 dress " — Love prevails — Josiah resigns his efforts at high life 
 and fashion — Samantha on waltzing — Miss Flamm wants Saman- 
 tha's opinion of her Paris dress — Samantha expresses her opin- 
 ion — How the garden looked — Josiah and Samantha on the 
 piazza — "A man can see more here in one evenin' than in a life- 
 
Contents. 577 
 
 time at Jonesville " — Jonah sees the awfulness of the peril from 
 which Samantha rescued him — One more glimpse of Miss Flamm 
 — Ardclia writes more verses, 454 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 SEEING THE SURROUNDINGS. 
 
 On the way to Schuylerville — Victory Mills — At " the monu- 
 ment riz up to our National Liberty " — Some Revolutionary heroes ■ 
 — " Alto Relieved " — Some of " our old 4 fathers and4 mothers " 
 — " General Schuyler a fellin' trees " — " Worthy pardner of a grand 
 man " — '• Alto Relieved agin " — Josiah wants to climb to the top 
 of the monument — The old Schuyler Mansion — In the kitchen — 
 The cup General Washington drank tea from — The skull of a 
 traitor — What did they want of his teeth ? — The old mansion and 
 modern ornamental cottages — Samantha sees through her »' mind's 
 eye " — Other places of Revolutionary interest — " A middlin' deep 
 subject," 491 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 THE SOCIAL SCIENCE MEETING. 
 
 A Hindoo from Hindostan — No laws against foreign immi- 
 gration into " the Home of Everlastin' freedom " — Samantha's 
 deep enjoyment in the meetings — " If the world wuzn't improved 
 by their talk, it wuz the fault of the world " — Samantha and 
 Josiah go to church and hear good sermons — *' No danger of 
 folks losin' their way to Heaven unless they want to " — The 
 different waters — Josiah holds forth on the various doctrines out- 
 sidetheMethodistChurch — Samantha never could abide bigotry — 
 Josiah quails as Samantha expounds the Orthodox faith — " Jones- 
 ville meetin' house (M. E.) haint the only medium through whick 
 the light streams " — " We don't know much, and we don't know 
 that for certain " — The earth a school-room — Samantha recovers 
 herself at the sight of a picture of Lydia Pinkham — " Truly 
 eloquence is tuckerin'," • • 5" 
 
578 Caatents. 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 ST. CHRISTINA'S HOME. 
 
 The children's happy faces — The Chapel — To the Boiler, 
 Coaster — Samantha " drops her revery and her umberell " — Ar- 
 delia Tutt and Bial Flamburg — The Roller Coaster "is very 
 scatterin' to wits " — Josiah anticipates great enjoyment from the 
 exercise — Samantha anxious and full of fears — Josiah decides to 
 part temporarily from his pardner — Josiah embarks — "I heard 
 your Cry, Josiah!" — Josiah cannot be induced to try it over again 
 — Ardelia writes a poem on the occasion — Retribution overtakes 
 Bial Flamburg — Ardelia meets Abram Gee — Bial Flamburg 
 takes Ardelia out to drive — They are both thrown out — ''Shewuz 
 a layin' on the bank " — Her ambition yields to softer emotions — 
 Carried into the house in the arms of Abram Gee — " A Lay on a 
 Wheelbarrow, Or The Fallen One" — Ardelia accepts Abram Gee 
 — " Not a happier man in the country" — To be married in th* 
 fall—" A Lay on a Roller Coaster; By Ardelia Tutt," .... 529 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 AN ACCIDENT WITH RESULTS. 
 
 An accident — Miss Flamm has a mother's heart — " Prajr 
 for me" — Josiah prays — Miss Flamm a. changed woman — 
 The dog dies — Josiah talks with Samantha in confidence — Ex- 
 planation of the interruption in Josiah's prayer — Not so much like 
 a religious exercise as he could wish — Samantha' s sympathy cheers 
 her pardner — Miss Flamm makes the acquaintance of her chil- 
 dren — Also of her husband and likes him — Samantha and Josiah, 
 Ardelia and Abram, off for home — Ardelia suspected of writing 
 another poem in the cars — At the Jonesville depot — Josiah wrestles 
 with Samantha' s heavy trunk — Josiah wonders — A porter tackles 
 It — Samantha shocked at his profanity — Josiah listens . with 
 pleasure and satisfaction — " Love, which is the light of Heaven, 
 trus a shinin' on their faces, and we had got home," _ 555 
 
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS. 
 
 Miss Marietta Holley (Sieel) Frontispiece, 
 
 page. 
 
 Traveling Paraphernalia ig 
 
 Scoffing in the Wood-Shed, .„,„-„ 21 
 
 Dr. Gale Advising Samantha, 23 
 
 Uncle Jonas Bently, 28 
 
 The School Teacher and Samantha, , 30 
 
 Mr. Pixley and His Base Viol , 32 
 
 How the Story was Passed Along, 34 
 
 The Dressmaker's Cottage, 36 
 
 Saratoga's Supposed Style 39 
 
 The Lion and the Lamb, 43 
 
 Woman's Supremacy 43 
 
 Ardelia Writing Poetry 44 
 
 Ardelia Reading Her Poems, (Full page), 49 
 
 Reception of Ardelia's Poems at the Printer's, . (Full page), 57 
 
 Ardelia's Possible Future, , 65 
 
 School Scene, 70 
 
 Jim Smedley's Occupation, ; 71 
 
 Jim's Biggest Game (Full page), 73 
 
 Grandma Smedley's Sorrow, . 79 
 
 Josiah Amazed at Samancha's Proposition 87 
 
 36 579 
 
580 List of Illustrations. 
 
 Encounter with Miss Whymper, .............. 93 
 
 Miss Petingill and the Preacher, ......... (Full page), 99 
 
 The Pound Farty in Progress, .......... (Full page), 107 
 
 Elder Minkley Closing the Pound purty, 113 
 
 Carrying Home the Gifts, , (Full page), 115 
 
 Cupid in the Baker's Shop, I IS 
 
 Ardelia's Dream, 120 
 
 Abram Gee in Despondency, .......... (Full page), 125 
 
 They Sing Together, 127 
 
 T?ie Tourists Meet at the Depot, ...- . . . . 133 
 
 Steam Train Poetry, ................... 136 
 
 Oft for Saratoga, 137 
 
 Arrival at Saratoga, 1 38 
 
 A Row with the Hackman (Full page), 141 
 
 On the Borders of Beulah Land, . . , 1 47 
 
 Street Scene by Night, (Full page), 149 
 
 An Early Start, 156 
 
 Black Mas and White Babies, 163 
 
 Scooped in by Parasols, ...» 166 
 
 Startled by a Statue, {Full page), 1 73 
 
 Smoothing up the Hat, 176 
 
 Studying the Water, <...•••......., 177 
 
 Off for the Springs, 178 
 
 Josiah Drinking His Tenth Glass, ....... .(Full page), 183 
 
 •■Dethly Sick," 18? 
 
 Allured by a Bargain, 1. ................ tag 
 
 Josiah Faying the Psnalty, «••••■«•... 19* 
 
List oj Illustrations. 581 
 
 tAOl 
 
 Qttdsing 9 Poem, . ..... .............. 195 
 
 A Harried Walk . 196 
 
 Aunt Polly Pixley, I9g 
 
 Washington Spring (Full page), 203 
 
 Aidelia and Bial at the Trout Pond, 207 
 
 Hasty Retreat from the Art Gallery (Full page), 21 1 
 
 The Haunted House, . < . (Full page), 2 17 
 
 Searching for the Spectacles, 22a 
 
 Bial at His Ease ••• 22b 
 
 Poetry and Trout, ... ................. 230 
 
 Josiah Among the Boys, ................. 231 
 
 Josiah's Fearful Vow (Full page), 233 
 
 Sitting in Rapt Admiration 237 
 
 « Miss Ezra Balch " at the Depot, . .,. 24a 
 
 One of Uncle Jonas Bently's - Waterin 1 Troughs," . (Full page). 249 
 Straws in the Lemonade, ................. 252 
 
 Among the Free Thinkers, 254 
 
 The Pretty Pedestrian, 257 
 
 Josiah's Pursuit of Fashion, ................ 260 
 
 A Discomfited Pedestrian, ................ 262 
 
 Under Treatment for His Feet (Full page), 267 
 
 Josiah's Return to Active Life, ., 270 
 
 Mrs. Flamm Making Her Toilet, 371 
 
 The Nurse of the Period 376 
 
 A Ride with Mrs. Flamm (Futt page), 281 
 
 Getting in His Work, 285 
 
 OuBEiin 8 Courtin' Yard (U. S. Hotel), <7all w*h «j 
 
582 List oj Illustrations. 
 
 Ideal Goddess of Liberty, . . t . « . o « , - 297 
 
 Vichy Spring and Fond, ....»-, (Pall page), 301 
 
 Womanly Solicitude, 305 
 
 On the Piazza at Moon's, •■• 308 
 
 Indian Encampment, ....... 313 
 
 "A Pleasant Place to Wander Round In," . . . . (Full page), 317 
 On the Boarding-House Piazza, .............. 320 
 
 Samantha and the Fortune-Teller, 335 
 
 A Raid on the Boys, . . . ° (Full page), 531 
 
 A Good Shaking, 334 
 
 Denouncing the Imposition, . ............... 338 
 
 The Ideal Mermaid, 343 
 
 The Race Course, 344 
 
 Saratoga Lake, (Full page), 349 
 
 The "Uneek" Barn, 35a 
 
 A Rush for the Race Course, (Full page). 357 
 
 "Gamblin'S" (Full page). 365 
 
 The Home Stretch, 370 
 
 The Four Husbands 371 
 
 One Who Has Seen Trouble, 375 
 
 A High-Flyer of Fashion 382 
 
 Toboggan Slide, 388 
 
 josiah's Rush for the Buggy, (Full page), 395 
 
 Homemade Toboggan Slide, (Full page), 401 
 
 Trying the Snow Shoes, ................ . 405 
 
 Genuine Tobogganing, 41c 
 
 On Mount M'Gregor, .. - . .< ...... -., ..... 411 
 
 Rescued from Peru, ..»,*. ........ (Full page), \Vf 
 
Ltst of Illustrations, 583 
 
 PAGE. 
 
 The niustrion* Cottage, • •••.. (Full page), 423 
 
 [osiah Picking Daisies, »••#.».. 430 
 
 Rash tor the Springs, . .................. 431 
 
 Unlooked-for Resurrection, (Full page), 435 
 
 The Wife's Restoratipn, (Full page), 43g 
 
 The Champion Spouting Spring, (Full page), 447 
 
 Spring-House Scene, .............. (Full page), 45c 
 
 Hunting Lawn, .....tc.. cl . r , «,,,.,, 454 
 
 Doleful Strains, .,....,,.«..,. ....... 457 
 
 oomantha's Full Dress, .................. 462 
 
 Josiah in Full Dress, ................... 466 
 
 Mrs. Flamm in Full Dress, ( Full page), 473 
 
 Trying' not to Look, ............... ... e 489 
 
 Revolutionary Scenes, ..*•••••*••••..... 490 
 
 People of Other Days, ......... . • • 5°5 
 
 Antique Portraits, .................... S 11 
 
 The Puzzled Pilgrim, •*.. . 5»2 
 
 A Zealous Churchman, ..••••••••.•••>... 5'^ 
 
 Roller Coaster 5 2 9 
 
 " Lo, the Poor Indian," 533 
 
 Thrown upon the Bank, . (Full page), 543 
 
 Ardelia in a Wheelbarrow, 54-6 
 
 The Banking Business, 55 2 
 
 At the Sufferer's Bedside, 553 
 
 Praying under Difficulties, 5^1 
 
 A Praiseworthy Effort, 5 66 
 
 Unconditional Surrender, ........*.••.•... 5 6 7 
 
 The find, o . . . S^S