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 tine Cornell University Library. 
 
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 http://www.archive.org/details/cu31 92401 2529032 
 
c»-!«c5ll University Library 
 
 BW BAine> tW/JIAS 1872 
 
 The autobiography and io"!!"?,] ,?' "f.Y:,"'' 
 
 3 1924 012 529 032 
 
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Once they were movtrners here below. 
 And pour'd out cries and tears ; 
 
 They wrestled hard, as we do now. 
 With sins, and doubts, and fears. 
 
 We asked them whence their vict'ry came : 
 
 They, with united breath. 
 Ascribe their conquest to the Lame, — 
 
 Their triumph to His death. 
 
 Watts. 
 
THE 
 
 ATJTOBIOGEAPHY 
 
 REY. HEMAN BANGS; 
 
 WITH AN INTRODUCTION 
 
 BY 
 
 REV. BISHOP JANES, D. D. 
 He being dead, yet speaketh. — St. Paul. 
 
 EDITED BY HIS DAUGHTERS. 
 
 NEW-YOEZ ! 
 
 N. TIBBALS & BON. 
 
 37 PAEK EOW, 
 
 1874; 
 
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1872, 
 
 BY N. TIBBALS & SON, 
 in the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 
 
 FBOU THI 
 
 PAPEK AND BOOK MANUPACTORT 
 
 or THE 
 
 Claremont Manuf g Co., 
 
 Claseuont, N. H. 
 
ooe"te:nts. 
 
 Ihieoduotiok , XT 
 
 PART I. 
 
 AUTOBTOGEAPHT. 
 
 CHAPTEK I. 
 1790-1808. 
 
 His Birth and Parentage. — Childhood. — Early Convictions — 
 Conversion. — Departure from God. — Six years of Sin and Folly. 
 — Bound as an Apprentice. — Conversion of his Brother John. — 
 Attends a Camp-Meeting in the neighborhood. — The Strivings of 
 the Holy Spirit. — The Prayer of his Brother Joseph.-7-A Broken 
 Heart. — Decision. — An Unexpected Trial. — " Heman among the 
 Mourners." — Surrender and Consecration.— 'Burden removed. — 
 Failure in Duty. — Distress of Mind. — Believed by bearing the 
 Cross. — Treasured Words from his aged Father. — Attends a Meth- 
 odist Prayer-Meeting. — Trembles under the Cross. — Witness of 
 the Spirit. — A Time of Great Power. — A Ploughman in the field 
 Awakened , 1 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 1808-1811. 
 
 He joins the Church on Probation. — Seeks the Conversion of 
 old Companions. — A powerful Revival, — A Point of Duty. — 
 Running to Meeting. — Circuit Preaching. — In charge of a Class. — 
 The Brethren pleased with their young Leader. — Exercised on 
 the Subject of Preaching. — End of his Apprenticeship. — His 
 Worldly Possessions. — Employed by an Innkeeper. — Shows his 
 Colors. — No Swearing nor Drinking allowed in the Shop. — Pray- 
 
VI CONTENTS. 
 
 era in the Bar-Room. — Remonstrates against the desecration of 
 the Sabbath.— Of Age.— Forty dollars in Hand.— A Question 
 about the Future.— Continues -sdth his old Employer.— Fills the 
 Preacher's Appointment. — Licensed to Exhort. — His Marriage. — 
 Prospers in Business. — A Home of his own. — Hospitality 15 
 
 CHAPTEE III. 
 
 1811-1817. 
 
 Holds Meetings at a Distance. — The Call to Preach ringing in 
 his Ears. — A Secret for Seven -Years. — " Made Childless." — Shop 
 in Flames. — A Conditional Promise. — Reveals his Call to Preach 
 to a Friend. — How his wife learned the Secret. — The only Ques- 
 tion. — Advice of the Presiding Elder. — Sells House, Shop and 
 Tools. — Goes forth, not knowing whither. — Attends Conference 
 at Albany, N.Y. — Admitted on Trial. — Appointed to Delaware Cir- 
 cuit. — Six of his Old Companions Converted under One Sermon. — ■ 
 Happy in his Work.— Conference in New-York City. — A remark by 
 Bishop McKendree. — Appointed to Sharon Circuit. — A Log Hut 
 for a Parsonage. — No Complaining. — A Small Congregation. — A 
 Powerful Awakening. — Conference at Middlebury, Vt. — Ordained 
 Deacon.- — The Course of Study. — What he knew, and what he 
 did not know. — Christ not dependent on Learaed Men. — Illus- 
 tration. — A Strange Question. — Sent to Newburgh Circuit. — A 
 Successful Financier 24 
 
 PART II. 
 
 JOURNAL. 
 
 1817-1820. 
 
 The Itinerant's Rest-Week. — A Point of Conscience. — The Ar- 
 row hits the Mark. — Infant Baptism. — A " Mighty Shaking 
 among the Dry Bones." — Stormy Weather ; Long Rides ; Few 
 Hearers. — Plain Preaching self-applied. — One who had Located 
 to make Money. — Doctrines and Usages of the M. B. Church. — 
 Newburgh Circuit divided. — Motive for continuing his Journal. — • 
 Conference at Troy, N. Y. — Ordained Elder by Bishop Roberta. — 
 Appointed to New Windsor Circuit. — Election and Reprobation. 
 
CONTENTS. VII 
 
 — "God with U9 in Affliction." — An act of Consecration. — Secret 
 Prayer Five Times a Day. — A Mite Society, for Superanuated 
 Preacliera. — Dangerously 111. — The Holy Sabbath. — Christian 
 Perfection. — Conversions at Camp Meeting. — Lost in the Woods. 
 — The Happy Itinerant. — " A High Day of the Lord's Power." — 
 The Baptist Deacon. — A Short Debate with a CalWnist. — Temp- 
 tation not Sin. — Intense Desires. — The Eight Spirit in Contro- 
 versjr. — "A Presbyterian Pot stirred with a Methodist Stick." — A 
 Charitable Spirit. — Thanks God an4 takes Courage 41 
 
 1820-1821. 
 
 A Eetrospect, and Self-Dedicatioii. — Synopsis of a Sermon on 
 the Doctrine of Election. — " How can I Teach Others what I 
 know not Myself?" — A Severe Conflict. — The Old Fatalist. — 
 Superanuated Preachers, and the Missionary Cause. — " Hush my 
 Soul, Persevere, be Patient." — Mourning over the Sins of the 
 People. — Satisfaction in the Performance of Duty. — Error Refuted. 
 — Conference in New York City. — Sudden Illness. — Kind Friends. 
 — The Work on Windsor Circuit — A Defender of the Truth. — Re- 
 markable Results of a Camp- Meeting. — Labors; Trials; Triumphs. 
 — Not Idle at Home. — Utility of Family Prayer-Meetings.— Sin- 
 ners coming to Christ. — Final Perseverance of the Saints. — The 
 Ninth of Romans. — Reasons for Reading the Westminster Confes' 
 eion of Faith to the People. Arguments on the Doctrine of Gen- 
 eral Redemption 59 
 
 1821-18m. 
 
 A Record of the Mouth of January. — ' 'Our Song and our 
 Trust; the Lord will provide." — Severe Snow-Storm. — "The 
 Devil Mad." — Two Services in the School- House. — Singular Case. 
 
 — The Work of God in Bellvale. — Slaves Converted. — " Uncle 
 Joe." — An Estimate of Calvinism. — " Let me cease at once to 
 work and live." — "Left Calvinism bleeding." — Narrow Escape 
 
 ' from Death. — How Rest- Weeks are employed. — " Through Cold, 
 and Snow, and Mud." — No Small Trial. — Constantly on the Wing. 
 — Conference at Troy, N. Y. — Appointed to John St. Church, New 
 York City. — Effects of City Life on Mind and Body. — Destructive 
 Gale. — At Camp-Meeting.-— Severe Spiritual Conflicts. — Reflections 
 on the Atonement. — Duane Street. — An Old Pioneer. — A Trip 
 to Jersey. — Depressed in Spirit. — ^An Extemporized Presiding 
 Elder '. f. 90 
 
Vni CONTENTS. 
 
 18^-1825. 
 
 John Kennady Awakened.— A Solemn, Memorable Day. — A 
 Seeker's Prayer-Meeting. — Francis Asbury, — The Confession of 
 Thomas.— A Day of Labor and Joy.— A Happy Sickness.- How 
 can we expect Fat Sheep, without Good Pasture?— The Conference 
 of 1822. — Ee-appointed to John St. Church. — Reflections. — Much 
 Preaching ; Hard Conflicts. — '' Shall there be Evil in a City, and 
 the Lord hath not done it?"— Appointed to New Eochelle Circuit. 
 — Sickness and Mortality. — The Devil disappointed. — Plan of a 
 Sermon. — Better employed than Elias Hicks. — A Tender Con- 
 science. — The Death of a Hardened Sinner. — God's Word, a rich 
 field. — The Old Testament Prophecies. — " Young as a Boy ; light 
 'aa a Hart." — Fasting, and Private Prayer. — ^Camp-Meeting at 
 Mosquito Cove. — Satan disturbed, a Good Sign 107 
 
 1825-1826. 
 
 The Oldest Methodist on the Continent. — Family Sickness.— 
 Conversion and Death of a Moralist — Birth-Day Reflections.— 
 Conference at Troy, N. Y. — Appointed to New Haven, Conn. — Aa 
 Affectionate Welcome. — Hospitality of Bro. Elias Gilbert. — Labors 
 and Incidents. — A Backslider. — Prof. Stuart, of Andover. — Gloomy 
 Thoughts. — Reading Wesley's Sermons. — Longings for Holiness; — 
 Camp-Meeting at Compo. — Pleading for Help ana Success. — "Soft 
 Words for Angry Ones." — Sickness and Trials. — Need of Watch- 
 fulness.— A Sick Man Converted, while receiving Baptism. — Im- 
 portance of the Ordinances illustrated. — Sinners Converted ; 
 Saints Rejoicing 131 
 
 1826-1830. 
 
 Outline of a Sermon on the Barren Fig Tree. — First Sermon in 
 West Haven. — Rollin's Ancient History. — ^The Divine Presence 
 wonderfully manifested — " Not the Name, but the Thing." — 
 " Thoughts on Man." — Busy, but the* Work pleasant. — Preaching, 
 a great Cross 1 Why? — Easter-Sunday; Outline of a Sermon on 
 the Resurrection. — Conversion of his little Sou. — Conference of 
 1826.^— Re-appointed to New Haven. — The Bow bent at a Ven- 
 ture. — Domestic Afflictions. — A Glorious Christmas. — Bible Read- 
 ing by Course. — Retrospect of the Year^— iConferenbe of 1827. — 
 Appointed to Middletown, Conn. — Official Neglect. — A Noble Spirit. 
 — Criticism of Rev. Mr. P's Sermon. — Dram-drinking denounced. 
 — Camp-Meeting at Old Saybrook. — A Visit to New Haven. — The 
 Work at Middletown progressing. — Delegate to the General Con- 
 ference at Pittsburg. — Annual Conference in New York City.— . 
 Dedication of the New Church at Middletown. — Thirty-ninth 
 Birth- Day .—Good Friday and State Fast 147 
 
CONTENTS. IX 
 
 1830-1837. 
 
 Re-appointed to John St. Church, New York City. — Glorious 
 Times. — His Journal discontinued for some Months. — Conference 
 in Middletown, Conn. — Appointed to Derby Circuit. — Conference 
 in New York City. — Formation of Troy Conference. — Appointed 
 Presiding Elder of New Haven District. — The First Ten Quarterly 
 Meetings. — A Multitude at West Suffield. — Camp-Meeting at Bur- 
 lington.' — " Resurrection Time " at Granby. — Revivals at Newtown 
 and Stratford. — " Not looking very Clerical." — " Plenty of Work 
 ahead." A year on the District. — Conference of 1833, in Pough- 
 keepsie, N. Y. — Appointed Agent of the Wesleyan University, — 
 Review of his Two Years' Work in the Agency. — Conference of 
 1835, in Brooklyn, N. Y. — Ee-appointed to New llaven, Conn. — 
 Junior Exhibition at Yale. — Various Experiences. — " We are 
 saved by Hope." — At Kamden and Waterbury. — A Hard Rock. — 
 A Series of Meetings. — Glorious Results, — What most Promotes 
 the Work of God. — " What an absurdity ! "—Suffering and Toil- 
 ing. — Protracted Meeting, Ninety-Eight Nights. — Twenty-One 
 Years an Itinerant. — Oppressed with Labor and Responsibility. — 
 How to Prevent Starvation.-:-" The path of Duty a Heart-Cheer- 
 ing Way." — A Subscription for a New Church, declined. — "Old Mil- 
 ford."' — ^ Visits his Brother Joseph. — Church-Building reviving on 
 the District.— Visiting the Sick, and Burying the Dead 169 
 
 1837-1841. 
 
 Synopsis of a, Sermon : 2 Corinthians vii. 1. — At Waterbury 
 and Milford. — Outlines of Sermons. — Old Guilford. — Conference at 
 Brooklyn. — Appointed to Hartford, Conn. — An Eventful Year in 
 his Family. — A Successful Campaign. — Conference in New York 
 City. — Re-appointed to . Hartford.— A Partial Exposition of the 
 Lord's Prayer. — Conference of 1839. — Appointed to the New 
 Haven District for the Second Time. — One Found on the District. 
 — Centenary Meeting. — Sachem's Head. — In the Va,n on the Tem- 
 perance Question. — Quarterly Meeting at New Haven. — A Time 
 of Power. — Every Appointment met. — Loss of the Steamer Lex- 
 ington. — Elements of Slethodism. — Sufferings ; Temptations ; Con- 
 solations. — Conference in New York City. — Appointed to Green 
 St. Churcli, N. Y. — Poor Health ; Severe Conflicts. — Visiting the 
 Sick and Dying. — Missionary News from Oregon. — Discourage- 
 ments and Depression. — Perfect Love Triumphs over Death. — 
 Hardly Time to Pray. — Panting after Faith and Holiness. — 
 Preaches on Perfect Love. — Dedication of Bedford St Church. — 
 Formation of the S. S. Union of the M. E. Church.— Quarterly 
 Visitation of the Classes. — A Rich Breakfast. — Sermon on Infant 
 
X CONTENTS, 
 
 Baptism. — Important News from Africa. — A Good Day in Green 
 St. — Money comes Freely when Eeligion prospers. — The Last Day 
 of the Year 195 
 
 1841-18j!i.3. 
 
 A Blessed New Year's Day. — Six Degrees Below Zero! Visiting 
 the Sick and Poor. — "Something Clogs the Wheels." — "Souls 
 Saved! what a Thought!" — -weeks of Terrible Suffering. — 
 " Death lo'ves a Shining Mark." — Old John St. — Death of Presi- 
 dent Harrison. — A Serious Accident. — Funeral Pageant. — Mrs. 
 Bangs, a Sufferer. — Our Foreign Missions. — A Busy Week. — Con- 
 ference of 1841. — Ee-appointed to Green St. — Rev. Charles Pit- 
 man. — Plan of a Sermon on Rev. ii. 5. — The Power of God dis- 
 played in the Sanctuary. — Synopsis of a Discourse on Heb. iv. 7. 
 — Mortality in Green St. Church. — The Deaf Mate. — The Necessity 
 of Christ's Sufferings. — Thoughts on Education. — Appointed to 
 Forsyth St. Church, New York City. — A Question. — Things 
 Changeful, and things Changeless , 215 
 
 1843-1844. 
 
 A Great Revival in Forsyth St. Church. — Fifty-Three Years of - 
 Age. — His Views on an Important Subject. — Large Addition of 
 Members; Decrease; Explanation. — A Fearless Reproof. — Con- 
 ference of 1843. — Re-appointed to Forsyth St. Church. — Differ- 
 ence between the Religion of Form, and that of the Spirit. — A 
 Delightful Trip into the Country. — Pr. Olin's Sermon, a Death 
 Stroke to Infidelity. — Synopsis of a Discourse on the Christian's 
 Armor. — Sketch of a Sermon on Matt. ixiv. 14. — Crutches and 
 Spectacles. — Asking in Faith. — Synopsis of a Sermon on 1 Peter 
 i. 24.^Synopsis of a Sermon on Gal. iv. 5 „. 231 
 
 1844-1847. 
 
 The Past Year.— "Why is this?"— The Nature and Causes of 
 Backsliding.— Three Texts from Isaiah. — His only Son called 
 to preach. — " One Soul for each Sermon." — The Son preaches in 
 
 his Father's church. — The Resurrection^ a Delightful Theme. 
 
 Conference of 1844, in Brooklyn, N. Y. — Appointed to the Second 
 Church, New Haven. — His New Charge. — An Eventful Age. — 
 Christianity and Infidelity contrasted. — A Day of Labor. — MUlen- 
 niuin" Mormonism and Politics. — An Estimate of Mr. Wesley.— 
 Nine Sermons a Week. — "The World is yet standing." — The 
 Beginning of a Revival. — An Effort to build a New Church. — A 
 Beligioua Dearth. — A Discourse in behalf of the New Haven 
 
CONTENTS. XI 
 
 Orphan Asylum. — Dedication of St. John St. Church, by Dr. Olin 
 and Bishop Janes. — New Church crowded. — Triumphant Death of 
 Rev. Stephen Beekman Bangs. — " How hard to persuade men to 
 go to Heaven." — Birth-Day Reflections. — Conference of 1846, in 
 New York City. — Supernumerary at St. John Street Church. — 
 Decrease of Members in the M. E. Church 245 
 
 . 1847-1852. 
 
 Fifty-Seven years of Age. — Conference in Allen St. Church, 
 N. Y. — Appointed to Bridgeport, Conn. — Tribute in a New Haven 
 Paper. — State of things in Bridgeport. — A Sick Family. — A Trip 
 Soutb. — Hard at Work. — Success. — A Silver Pitcher. — Fragment 
 on Future Punishment. — The General Conference of 1848. — First 
 Session of the New York East Conference. — Presiding Elder of 
 New Haven District. — The First Quarter. — Conference of 1850. — 
 A Great Trial of Faith. — " Without Jesus, I perish." — Brave 
 Words about Eum-Selling. — Third Quarterly Tour. — Sixty-One 
 Years of Age. — Conference of 1851. — Returned to the New Haven 
 Districi^Death of Dr. Olin 279 
 
 1852-1861, 
 
 A Hiatus in the Journal. — Delegate to the General Conference 
 at Boston. — Annual Conference at Hartford, Conn. — Two Y'ears. 
 Presiding Elder of N. Y. East District. — Conference in Brooklyn. 
 — Stationed at Norfolk Street Church, New York City. — Agent of 
 the Wesleyan University. — Origin of the Wesleyan University. — 
 Conference of 1855. — Two Years at Allen St. Church,' New York 
 City. — Delegate to the General Conference at Indianapolis. — 
 Annual Conference of 1857. — Two Years at Centenary Church, 
 Brooklyn. — Ee-apppinted Presiding Elder of N. Y. East District. 
 — Sketch of a Sermon on Religious Unity. — The Old Hive of 
 Methodism. — A Terrific Storm. — " Snug Quarters, at Bro. George 
 I. Seney's." — " Old Age will come." — A New Church Enterprise at 
 Harlem. — Severe IllBess. — Great Peace and Patience. — This is no 
 Time for Idleness. — Holiness the Strength of the Ministry, and 
 the Glory of the Church. — Re-union Services at Allen St. Church. 
 — " The Saviour of All Men." — Prosperity of the Churches in New 
 York. — A Comprehensive Wish. — Second Avenue Church. — Ma- 
 maroneck, the Banner Church. — Conference at Stamford, Conn.— 
 Ke-appointed to the New York East District. — Beekman-Hill. — 
 What he dislikes. — Oliver Hoyt and Brothers. — A Day of Inward 
 Trial. — " Our People moving Up Town." — Camp-Meeting atSing- 
 -Party Politics ignored 299 
 
XII CONTENTS. 
 
 1861-1863. 
 
 %. 
 
 Second Visit to the South. — Louisiana Conference at Baton 
 Eouge.— At Port Gibson.— Bev. Dr. Breckenridge. — Interview 
 ■with Eev. Dr. Butler. — Physical Condition of the Slayea. — Dan- 
 er and Folly of Secession. — Beware of Eash Judgment. — Return 
 jrip. — A Day of Fasting and Prayer for the Nation.— Ultraista 
 North and South — Coufidence in the liberality of the Church.— 
 Conference of 1861 in Brooklyn. — Ee-apipointed to the New Ha- 
 ven District for the Fourth Time. — Substitute for Presiding Elders. 
 — Trip to Louisville, Ky. — Effects of the War. — Camp-Meeting at 
 Milford.— " So Much of Self, so Little of God."— A National Fast, 
 — "Seven Meetings a Day." — State of the Country and of the 
 Church. — Characteristic Perseverance. — " A Train of Cars stuck 
 fast in a Snow-bank." — Eecord of the Year. — Conference at 
 Waterbury. — Returned to New Haven District. — Death of Dr. 
 Nathan Bangs. — Not Convinced. — Meeting of the District Stew- 
 ards. — -Union Armies before Richmond. — " Gathered into the 
 Heavenly Garner." — A Week of Horrors ! — Religious regard for 
 Christmas- Day 317 
 
 1863-1865. 
 
 Sad Feelings and Eeflectiona. — Almost a Eest Day. — Conference 
 in Brooklyn, N.Y. — Ee-appointed to New Haven District — -Eecord 
 of Work on the District. — The Patriarch, Laban Clark. — Death 
 of Eev. Dr. Kennady. — Ee-union Meeting in Brooklyn. — The 
 Riphest Eeward a Minister can have. — Sickness of his Wife — 
 Family Reminiscences. — Personal Recollections of Bishop A-sbury. 
 — ^Want of due Care in giving License to Preach. — Politics in 
 Jeroboam's time, and now. — Forty-Nine Years in the Itinerant 
 Ministry. — Returned to New Haven District. — Fidelity to Princi- 
 ple. — A Week's Work. — Death of Mrs. Nathan Bangs. — What 
 made them to Differ. — A Full Dose and a Crire. — Camp-Meeting 
 at Plainville — Death of his Wife. — Fifty-Tbree Years of Married 
 Life. — " Her First Sabbath in Heaven." — A Token of Christian 
 Friendship. — Trip over the Catskill Mountains. — The Week of 
 Prayer. — Thoughts about Heaven 337 
 
 1865-1867. 
 
 Methodism in New Haven. — " All is Well that God Sends."— 
 Eather dear Honors. — Appointed to New York East District. — ■ 
 Assassination of President Lincoln. — Eest and Eecreation. — ■ 
 Second Avenue and Beekman Hill. — A Member of the MissTonary 
 Board. — Dea,th of Eev. J. B. Hagany. — New York Preachers, 
 
CONTENTS. XIII 
 
 Meeting. — Surplus in the Missionary Treasury. — At Mamaroneok^ 
 " Home witt Bro. Stiles." — Temperance and Politics — Extreme 
 Cold and Exposure. — Funeral of Mrs. F. W. Smith. — Cowper'a 
 Homer. — A Tedious Day. — Conference at Brooklyn ; a Criticism. 
 — Keturned to the New York East District. — The Body Sick, the 
 Soul Saved. — A Visit from his Daughter E. — Advice to Preachers 
 and People 352 
 
 1867-1869. 
 
 A Happy Week. — Conference at New Haven. — Fifty- Third 
 Appointment.— North Long Island District. — Seventy-Seventh 
 Birth-Day. — '' Three Pulpit Svireats." — Love for his Master's Work 
 and Wages. — "What the devil took, the Lord restored." — Funeral 
 of John Sudlow. — Crossirig the Sound. — Suffering but Resolute. — 
 Heart Discoveries. — " A Tough Tug." — His Last Appointment. — 
 Dedication of " St. John's," Brooklyn. — One Day's work. — Death 
 of his Daughter R. — " The Work must he Done." — Advantages of 
 Temperance. — Meets with a Serious Accident. — " Too Sick to attend 
 my Appointments." — Death of Schureman Halstead. — Smitten 
 down again with Illness. — Kindness of Bro. E. L. Janes. — " Our 
 Betsey.' —Faint yet Pursuing. — Last Official Labors. — A Re- 
 view. — Takes a Superannuated Relation. — Fifty-Four Years of 
 Active Service. — An Unexpected Gift. — Tribute from Rev. Dr. 
 Curry. — Resolutions by the Conference 367 
 
 1869. 
 
 Feeble in Body, Mighty in Faith. — Contented to go or stay. — 
 The Last Entry in his Journal. — The Closing Scenes of his Life. — 
 Tributes to his Memory from the Press. — His Funeral 379 
 
mTEODUOTIOK 
 
 JHIS volume is the Diary of an Itinerant 
 Methodist Minister who entered upon his 
 work nearly sixty years ago. At that time, such a 
 minister's life, was full of incidents and thrilling 
 events. Mr. Bangs was a close and careful observr 
 er of men and things. He also held a graphic 
 pen, and his descriptions and statements are full 
 of spirit and interest. He notes with considerable 
 particularity his religious experiences. His ac- 
 count of his conversion, and of his call to the 
 ministry, is vividly narrated. His conviction of 
 his duty to preach was clear and strong — and yet, 
 strange to say, his reluctance to enter upon the 
 work was equally strong. The conflict in his 
 I mind was very sharp and protracted. It was not 
 until God, as he believed, chastised him by losses 
 in his business, and by taking away his children, 
 that he consented to enter upon the full work of 
 the Christian ministry. 
 
 Among us, as a denomination, the belief has 
 always been entertained, that no man should take 
 this of&ce upon himself, unless he is called of God 
 
XVI INTRODUCTION. 
 
 as was Aaron. Two questions are always asked 
 of ttose who are admitted to the ministry among 
 us. The first question is: "Do you trust that you 
 are inwardly moved by the Holy Ghost to take 
 upon you the office of the ministry in the Church 
 of God?" Sometimes men's minds are constrained 
 thereto. It seems to them such a great privilege to 
 bring men to Christ, that they cannot be withheld. 
 Others feel ; "Woe is me if I preach not the Gospel." 
 Our brother felt that this woe was upon him. 
 
 The other question to candidates for adrfiission 
 into Conference is: "Are you determined to em- 
 ploy all your time in the work of God? " Having 
 once given himself to this service, all who knew 
 him can testify how sacredly he kept that vow. 
 
 During his ministerial life he spent thirty-three 
 years in the strictly pastoral work. Three years 
 he was agent for the Wesleyan University, and ' 
 eighteen years he was Presiding Elder — ^which 
 office is but an enlarged pastorate. In all his ap- 
 pointments he was adequate to their claims; fully 
 equal to their responsibilities. 
 
 In his preaching he adopted his own course, he 
 made his own homiletics. He was simple, practi- 
 cal, and earnest. Sometimes, in his expositions of 
 Divine truth he would let in great floods of light 
 upon Gospel doctrines and principles. 
 
INTKODUCTION. XVII 
 
 In his pastoral work he was ever faithful and 
 kind, and accessible to all. How he sympathized 
 with every one ! In my judgment few men ever 
 come nearer to "warning every man, and teaching 
 every man in all wisdom." If there was any ex- 
 ception to this, it was in the wisdom of the schools. 
 He did not profess to be a classical scholar ; yet 
 he was well read in generaljiterature, and fond of 
 research and analytical knowledge. He under- 
 stood the Bible, and the books that help to eluci- 
 date its truths. 
 
 He was a very close observer. He found books 
 In stones, in circumstances, in the incidents of 
 society, and in the providences of God. He un- 
 derstood human nature. Few men ever studied it 
 more carefully, or understood it more perfectly. 
 He was prepared to address men with such 
 motives, and in such modes as would affect them. 
 Some were to be stormed, some outflanked. He 
 was wise in winning, souls, and had himself a deep 
 experience in Divine things. He knew Jesus 
 Christ personally; He was his Saviour. He knew 
 what repentance was ; he had tasted its bitterness. 
 He knew what faith was; he had exercised it, lived 
 by it. He knew the way of the Cross ; he had 
 traveled it. He knew the power of the Cross ; he 
 had been converted by it. He knew the office and 
 
XVra INTEODUCTION. 
 
 work of the Holy Ghost; it had worked in him 
 mightily. He had the unction of the Holy One, 
 and knew the deep things of God; and what he 
 knew clearly he was able to make plain to others. 
 
 Such was his ministry, and how rich were its 
 fruits ! Duriug his pastorate he enrolled ten thou- 
 sand converts. We are not justified in expressing 
 a positive opinion that they were all truly convert- 
 ed, that they are all saved; but thousands have 
 died in triumph, and thousands are living now, 
 ornamenting a Christian profession. 
 
 He was eminent in his natural gifts, eminent in 
 his social qualities. How happy he made his fami- 
 ly! How rich his domestic excellencies!- How 
 sweet, in his household, the intercourse of husband 
 and wife, father and children ! 
 
 He was g, good citizen. He exercised the prerog- 
 ative of thinking for himself upon questions of po- 
 litical economy. That prerogative, maintained in 
 the practical way our Constitution guarantees, is 
 the only way that Protestantism, and a Republican 
 form of government can survive. Although in his 
 later years he differed from a majority of his breth- 
 ren in his political views, no man who knew him 
 could doubt either the sincerily or fervency of his 
 patriotism. 
 
 He was a noble friend. Happy the man privi- 
 
INTRODUCTION'. XIX 
 
 leged to be admitted to Ms society, to have Ms 
 counsels and sympathies. ^ 
 
 While his life and character call for so much 
 admiration, and are calculated to inspire thankfal- 
 ness, and high purpose, his death was one of the 
 happiest that good men are permitted to enjoy. 
 
 Heman Bangs was a child but once. Though 
 nearly eighty years of age, he died in the strength 
 of manhood. His mental vigor and cheerfalness 
 were undiminished. He did not fall as unripe fruit. 
 His death was not like a shipwreck at sea, but as a 
 vessel freighted with a rich cargo from a successfal 
 voyage glides peacefully into the desired haven, 
 BO he entered into his rest. 
 
 His labors, his difficulties, his sufferings, and his 
 succes's are plainly and characteristically set down 
 in his Journal. The narrative of his religious life 
 and experience will profit all who are " hungering 
 and thirsting after righteousness," or are contend- 
 ing with the buffetings of Satan, and the various 
 hindrances to a spiritual life. 
 
 The account he gives of the manner of his seek- 
 ing to gain knowledge, and to qualify himself for 
 his holy work, will be suggestive and encouraging 
 to young ministers who feel the embarrassments 
 which he overcame. Older ministers will find in 
 bis Journal incidents and experiences that will 
 
XX INTRODUCTION. 
 
 bring vividly to their minds scenes and events in 
 their own history, which they will review with 
 pleasure, 
 
 Mr. Bangs also records many things of great 
 historic interest to the Church. He gives, quite 
 fully, its history in several portions of the Troy, 
 New York, and New York East Conferences. 
 
 He shared largely in the different kinds of serv- 
 ice in which Ms brethren are engaged, not only in 
 the rural portions of the Conference, but in our 
 largest cities. 
 
 The book will be read through by those who 
 commence it. Even children will read its incidents 
 and descriptions with eagerness. 
 
 I deem it better that the reader should learn the 
 excellencies and greatness of the author, from the 
 Book, than from the Introduction ; so I will not 
 attempt a further delineation of his merits or use- 
 fulness. Those who were his associates, during his 
 long and blessed ministry, esteemed and loved him. 
 Those who read this work will admire him, and 
 affectionately cherish his memory. 
 
 The volume has been edited and prepared for 
 the press by his daughters — a work of filial piety, 
 well performed. 
 
 " The righteous shall be had in everlasting remembrance." 
 
 E. S. JANES. 
 
ACKNOWLEDGMENT. 
 
 We take pleasure in acknowledging our indebtedness 
 to Eev. E. L. Janes, for valuable assistance in prepar- 
 ing the Manuscripts for the Press. — Eds. 
 
PABT I. 
 ATJTOBIOGEAPHT. 
 
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY 
 
 EEY. HEMAIir BAN"GS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 1790-1808. 
 
 His Birth and Parentage. — Childhood. — Early Convictions—. 
 Conver.'sion. — Departure from God. — Six years of Sin and Folly. 
 — Bound as an Apprentice, — Conversion of his Brother John. — 
 Attends a Camp-Meeting in the neighborhood. — The Strivings of 
 the Holy Spirit. — The Prayer of his Brother Joseph. — A Broken 
 Heart. — Decision. — An Unexpected Trial. — " Heman among the 
 Mourners." — Surrender and Consecration. — Burden removed.^ 
 Failure in Duty. — Distress of Mind. — Relieved hy bearing tha 
 Cross. — Treasured Words from his aged Father. — Attends a Meth- 
 • odiat Prayer-Meeting. — Trembles under the Cross. — Witness of 
 the Spirit. — A Time of Great Power. — A Ploughman in the field 
 Awakened. 
 
 WAS born on the fifteenth day of April, 
 1790, in Fairfield, Connecticut. I have 
 heard my father say that his grandfather, 
 Edward Bangs, came from the Isle-of-Man, and 
 was among the first Pilgrims who landed at Ply- 
 mouth from the ship Anne. 
 
 My father, Lemuel Bangs, was the son of Joseph 
 Bangs of the town of Harwich, in the County of 
 Barnstable, Massachusetts. He married, for hia 
 
2 AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 
 
 first wife, Miss Hall, by whom he had five chil- 
 dren. I knew but little about them, as they were 
 all grown, and had removed from home before I 
 was born ; but with many of their children I have, 
 in later years, become well acquainted, and highly 
 esteem them for their virtues and piety. His sec- 
 ond wife was Rebecca Keeler, of Eidgefield, Con- 
 necticut, by whom he had nine children. 
 
 When my father came to Connecticut, I know 
 not — ^probably about the close of the old French 
 war; as, during the Revolutionary war, he was 
 among the Connecticut troops. When I was 
 about three years of age he removed to Stamford, 
 Delaware County, New- York, then quite a wilder- 
 ness, where there were no means of education, nor 
 of religious instruction, and where we endured 
 all the hardships and privations incident to a new 
 country. My father had a large family, and, being 
 poor, was obliged to support them by his own 
 industry. We had frequently to bring our grain 
 fifteen miles on horseback, and were five miles 
 from the nearest mill. These were hard times; 
 but I never heard my parents complain. 
 
 Joseph, the eldest son, was a farmer. Nathan 
 taught school and surveying, and early went to 
 Canada. Elijah Keeler became a sailor, and, like 
 Joseph of old, was separated from his brethren. 
 John was apprenticed to a blacksmith. -Sarah 
 married and removed to Canada, thus leavino- at 
 home the three youngest children — two sisters 
 and myself. 
 
1790—1808. 3 
 
 My father was, for that day, a man of consiclcr- 
 able learning. He was a great reader, and, having 
 a retentive memory, carefully treasured what he 
 read. He was strongly attached to the Protestant 
 Episcopal Church, in which all his children were 
 baptized. He would sometimes, (as we had no 
 minister), call the neighbors together and read the 
 Service of that Church; and often on the Sabbath 
 read them a sermon, though he made no profes- 
 sion of expei'imental* religion. He was a man of 
 strict integrity of character and trained his chil- 
 dren to be truthful and honest. I never recollect 
 seeing him angry but once, and then it lasted but 
 a moment. 
 
 In my childhood I had no thought of God, nor 
 of religious truth ; when in trouble or pain I have 
 wished myself dead that I might be freed from 
 them, not thinking of a hereafter. In my tenth 
 year, the Methodists came into our neighborhood 
 and began to hold religious meetings. They were . 
 not regular preachers, but exhorters, and men of 
 piety, faith and prayer. The novelty of the thing 
 drew most of the neighbors to hear them, and the 
 meetings made a deep impression on the minds of 
 many., some of whom professed religion. My 
 father was strongly prejudiced against them, be- 
 cause they were unlearned men. He thought no 
 man was duly qualified to preach, who had not a 
 thorough Academic and Theological education, 
 hence he would never go to hear those " ignorant 
 fanatics." 
 
4 AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 
 
 One evening, after I had retired for the night, 
 they were holding a prayer-meeting at a neigh- 
 bor's house. I heard them sing and pray, and 
 became so interested and so alarmed in my con- 
 science th.at I could not sleep nor lie quietly in bed. 
 At lengtli I rose and dressed myself, and went off 
 alone to the prayer-meeting. From that time my 
 mind was sorely distressed on account of my sins, 
 and I became a constant attendant on their meet- 
 ings. 
 
 Soon after, the regular Circuit preachers, who 
 were going everywhere throngh the settlements, 
 "preaching Christ and the Resurrection," visited 
 our place. The Word of the Lord had free course 
 and was glorified, and many were brought from 
 dai'kness to light, and from the power of Satan to 
 God. Among others I was brought to know my 
 Saviour's dying love in the forgiveness of my sins, 
 and made to rejoice with exceeding great joy. 
 
 On one occasion the power of God came upon 
 me to such a degree that I lost my strength, but 
 not my senses. My limbs were rigid, but there 
 was no bodily pain — ^I could see and hear, but 
 could not speak; at the same time my soul 
 was very happy in the knowledge that Jesus 
 Christ was my Saviour, and I rejoiced in God 
 with all my heart. Now, my whole life was 
 changed; I cheerfully relinquished my childish 
 plpys and playmates for the class and prayer- 
 meeting; and the society of Christians became 
 endeared to me. There was a powerful reforma- 
 
1790—1808. 5 
 
 tion among the children of the neighborhood; a 
 great number from seven to fourteen years of age 
 were converted to God, and we met frequently, 
 not for sport, but to sing and pray. Some of 
 these children held fast their profession, and by 
 their holy lives evidenced their sincerity. Some 
 are still living in the faith of Christ (it is now 
 more than fifty years) ; one of them is my own 
 sister, the youngest of the family. She was then 
 only seven years of age, but the Lord preserved 
 her, so tliat she did not mingle in the follies of 
 the world, but has maintained a consistent Chris- 
 tian character to this day. 
 
 I continued in the way of Christian fidelity for 
 ahout two years : after this I gradually declined 
 in religious enjoyment, and ran into all manner 
 of youthful follies. "What contributed to this, 
 more than anything else, was my parents forbid- 
 ding me to join the Society. The hedge of dis- 
 cipline w^s needed, but it was not thrown around 
 me. When I began to mix with the thoughtless, 
 my mother — though the best of mothers in every 
 other respect — would applaud me, and call me a 
 much better boy than I was before. 
 
 Here I would enter my most solemn protest 
 against parents putting stumbling-blocks in /the 
 way of their children. Ifot that I would charge 
 my dear parents with the deliberate design to 
 injure me, — they loved me as tenderly as ever 
 parents loved a child — but they knew nothing of 
 experimental godliness; therefore they could not 
 
6 AUTOEIOGKAPHY. 
 
 understamt those religious fe'eliiigs which actuate 
 the true Christian;, and lead him to love religious 
 duties more than worldly pleasures. But, thank 
 God ! they lived to see their error, and believed 
 to the saving of their souls. Thiej both died in 
 the faith, and I hope to meet them in Heaven. 
 
 In this vain, ungodly course I lived for six long 
 years. I. knew that I was unhappy — that I had 
 awfully fallen from God. Sometimes I longed to 
 return, and never fully lost the fear of God. This 
 had a restraining influence over me, keeping me 
 from gross sins, and enabling me to preserve a 
 fair outside. Yet I was too proud to confess, and 
 too stubborn to forsake my sins. I loved gay 
 company,, the ball-room and the dance — the pleas- 
 ures of the world fascinated my imagination, and 
 sin had complete domiinion over my heart 
 
 When in my fifteenth year, my father bound 
 me as an apprentice until the age of twenty-one, 
 to my brother John, who had just cornpleted hia 
 apprenticeship,, and commenced business for him- 
 self. So I soon learned to work iron and steel, if 
 not " brass and iron," like Tubal-cain. 
 
 My brother was not married, nor did he profess 
 religion at this time, but he soon after commenced 
 house-keeping, and both he and his young wife 
 sought and found the Lord. The Lord spoke 
 peace to his soul while he was endeavoring to 
 pray in the family. His conversion was clear as 
 the sun, and he became one of the most zealous 
 Methodists in those parts. After a while they 
 
1790-1808. 7 
 
 gave him license to preach, and he improved it 
 well as long as he lived. John now became very 
 strict, and wished to make us all Christians — if 
 not by Gospel-suasion, by Law-compulsion. This 
 sometimes brought us into collision ^ and caused 
 some friction in the machinery of family govern- 
 ment I was exceedingly fond of gay company, and 
 John had just seen its folly and left it. Sometime* 
 good-natured quarrels ensued, and once an open 
 out-break — had it not seemed dishonorable, I 
 should have run away. John was generally in 
 the right as to the mai;ter, but not always judi- 
 cious in the eiafbreement of his views. He waa 
 too arbitrary for my proud and independent spirit. 
 I could be drawn by kindness, but I could not h&- 
 ft-rghtened by threats — however, we generally 
 lived in great harmony. I endeavored to serve 
 him faithfully in his business. I was honest,, 
 truthfal and diligent, from a sense of honor, but 
 not of religion. His excellent wife, I loved almost 
 like a mother, and when I sought and found the 
 Lord^ we were ever afterward of one heart and 
 mind. 
 
 I had long felt the need of religion, but to set 
 about the work of seeking it was a difficult and 
 self-denying act; Fence I put it off, under one 
 excuse and another, until July, 1808, when a 
 Camp-meeting was to be held in our neighbor- 
 hood. They had been h«ld, years before, in other 
 places, but were a noveUy here. This one attract- 
 ed great attention, multitudes attending from mera 
 
8 AUTOBIOGRAPHY, 
 
 curiosity. My brother and his family went to the 
 meeting, and I had to take them to the ground, 
 put up their tent, assist them in getting settled, 
 and then return home to attend to my duties there. 
 As soon as I came on to the ground my mind was 
 filled with a solemn sense of the Divine Presence. 
 
 My feelings and interest in the meeting became 
 more and more deep, so much so, that I began to 
 show it in my countenance, and some of my friends 
 thought me sick. So in deed I was, but I was heart- 
 ■sick. In the fevening I was so much affected, while 
 I stood outside of a prayer-circle, that I wept and 
 fell upon my knees. But still my proud heart 
 refused to surrender to the powerful drawings of 
 the Holy Spirit. I returned home that night, sor- 
 rowful, but not decided. Some of my young 
 friends had seen me on my knees and rallied 
 me about it. I plead as an excuse, that I had 
 been standing all day, and so knelt down to rest 
 myself. Thus by falsehood, I grieved the good 
 Spirit. One remarked, jeeringly, that he believed 
 I would be a Methodist in less than one year. 
 This, at that time, was saying all the evil that 
 could well be said in few words, in such estima- 
 tion were the Methodists held by worldly men. 
 I replied with a forced laugh, that I hoped I 
 should. This was the real purpose of my heart, but 
 was said in a manner to make it appear as a joke. 
 
 The next morning, July 3rd, I was early on the 
 ground. A young man met me, and said, " I 
 heard that you fell to the ground last night." 
 
1790—1808. 9 
 
 Oh ! the foolishness and wickedness of tb© human 
 heart : instead of ingenuously confessing the true 
 Btate of my feelings, I denied it with an oath. 
 Such language I had never suffered myself to use, 
 for I abhorred all profanity as unworthy of a gen- 
 tleman ; but, like poor Peter, I thought I must 
 swear to it, or he would think me serious. How 
 good was my adorable Saviour that He did not 
 take the Holy Spirit from me! But He did not; 
 He strove more powerfully than before. I endeav- 
 ored all day to shake off my sorrow, but in vain, 
 I retired to the woods to pray alone, but was dis- 
 turbed- by some one coming where I was. I re- 
 turned to the Camp again and stood, Mid h«ard- 
 and gazed. I thought I would give the world, if 
 I had it, to feel as those happy Christians ap- 
 peared to feel. I began to see a beauty in relig- 
 ion, and sincerely to desire it: my feelings were 
 painful and oppressive, yet I endeavored still to 
 conceal them. 
 
 After the afternoon sermon, and while the peo- 
 ple of God were earnestly engaged in a prayer- 
 meeting, I was standing at a short distance in the 
 midst of a large circle of the gay and thoughtless, 
 when suddenly I was arrested by the prayer of 
 my oldest brother, Joseph. He became very fer- 
 vent, and at last broke out in such a strain of 
 heavenly eloquence as I never heard before. Call- 
 ing me by name, he cried to God to have mercy 
 on his brother Heman, He did not, he could not 
 see me where I stood, but God heard and answer- 
 
10 AUT0BI06EAPHT, 
 
 ed. It went like a thnnder-bolt through my heart, 
 and broke it to pieces. I could resist no longer. I 
 felt that it might be the last call, and that now was 
 the day of salvation. God enabled me to decide 
 the question on the spot, and I said in my heart, 
 if there is mercy to be found I will never rest 
 until I find it. I did not hesitate another moment, 
 but left the gay group where I stood, and ap- 
 proached the prayer-circle. 
 
 As I passed around the stand, I met an old 
 pious friend who held out his hand and asked how 
 I did. In attempting a reply, my heart was too 
 full to speak, and I wept aloud. As I approached 
 the railing that enclosed the circle, and served to 
 prevent the crowd from pressing too closely, I met 
 my brother John, who was keeping order. He 
 said, "Stand back, do not crowd upon us." This 
 was- a new trial, and the enemy took advantage 
 of it, suggesting to me, " See, this is your own 
 brother, and he a preacher; he bids you go back, 
 you know now what treatment you may expect." 
 But I said to myself, " Brother or no brother, I 
 will go forward, for I must have religion or perish 
 forever." So I pushed myself within the circle, 
 and sat down upon the bench in deep sorrow. 
 
 It was soon rumored that "Hem an was amonar 
 the mourners." My brother Nathan came and 
 prayed for me, and brother John soon learned, to 
 the joy of his heart, that Heman had come to 
 pray, and not to trifle. There was one man of 
 God, an entire stranger, who took a deep interest 
 
1790—1808. 11 
 
 in my case. He came and prayed again and again, 
 encouraging me to pray for myself, and never left 
 me until the Lord spoke peace to my soul. 
 
 I confessed my sins and surrendered my heart, 
 my whole heart, to Jesus Christ., I was enabled 
 by God's grace to consecrate myself without any 
 reserve, soul, body and spirit to God — to laj' hold 
 by faith upon the Almighty Saviour. Praise the 
 Lord, my soul! 
 
 lie heard and answered my poor, feeble prayers, 
 lie rolled the heavy burden from my heart, and I 
 wept for gladness. My friends came and rejoiced 
 with me. 
 
 But now I failed. I should have made public 
 confession with my tongue ; but the cross was so 
 heavy I thought I could not open my mouth, and 
 I soon lost my peace of mind. It was just as the 
 sun was setting, that I found comfort from the 
 healing beams of the Sun of Righteousness ; but 
 not confessing it as I should have done, I was 
 thrown into great darkness and deep distress of 
 mind. I could find neither rest nor sleep, but 
 spent most of the night in wandering over the 
 Camp-ground, now almost as silent as the grave- 
 yard, the people having retired to their tents. A 
 few watchmen patroled the ground — ^the night, the 
 darkness, the quiet of the place, all were in har- 
 mony with my gloomy feelings. As I was passing 
 along, I discovered a group of persons sitting 
 around an expiring fire. Unperceived by them, I 
 drew near and found they were relating to each 
 
12 \ AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 
 
 other their Christian experience, I listened with 
 almost breathless attention, a,nd with the deepest 
 interest. One man drew an exact picture of my 
 own feelings, and I thought if I could only say 
 "that is my case exactly," I should find relief. 
 But here again my courage foiled, and I withdrew 
 with ray heart as sorrowful as before : so I spent 
 the whole night, The morning came at last — 
 family prayers and breakfast over, the horn sound- 
 ed for the people to gather around the stand for a 
 Lovefeast, which was to be the 'dosing scene in 
 this, to me, deeply interesting meeting. I crept 
 up close to the stand. The meeting opened, and 
 the people of God related their experience with 
 great power and freedom, But, poor me! I stood 
 and looked on, feeling like death. Something 
 whispered to me, " Speak, and let your feelings 
 be known ; " but another something whispered, — 
 ♦' You speak ! a wretch bo wicked, so hard-heart- 
 ed — what would you say ? You would be a hyp- 
 ocrite, you would blaspheme." The thought was 
 terrible. I shuddered and trembled. 
 
 Soon after, an old Christian, well acquainted 
 with the workings of the human heart, came to 
 me and said, " Shall I pray with you ? " I said, 
 «'yes, if you please," We knelt down, he prayed 
 a few words, then turning to me, asked, " "What 
 do you want? Do you want God to convert your 
 soul ? I replied, " I believe He converted me last 
 night." No sooner had I made this confession 
 than my heart softened. Ho said, " Get up and 
 
1790—1808. 13 
 
 tell of it ; all you need is to tell of it." I arose 
 and spoke ; what I said I never knew, but it was 
 enough. God accepted it, and I wept like a child. 
 
 The meeting closed. As I was leaving the ground 
 I met my dear father, who took me by the hand 
 and said, "Be faithful, my son, and hold out to 
 the end." O how sweet and precious were these 
 words from the lips of my dear old father! I 
 treasured them as if they had been costly pearls ; 
 for they were the only encouraging words he had 
 ever spoken to me on the subject of religion. I 
 returned home determined^ by the grace of God 
 assisting me, to lead a new life and serve Him as 
 long as I lived, whatever might be the sacrifice 
 required. 
 
 The following "Wednesday there was to be a 
 prayer-meeting about two miles distant from our 
 house. My brother and his wife were going, and 
 I obtained leave to accompany them. I hung 
 down my head as we passed through the village, 
 for I had never attended meeting on a week-day 
 before, and it was no small trial to be seen going 
 to a Methodist prayer-meeting. 
 
 I had not yet as bright an evidence of my accept- 
 ance with God as I desired. I longed for a clear 
 witness of the Spirit testifying that I was born of 
 God. Just before we entered the house, John said 
 to me, " If you intend to keep religion, joa must 
 take up the cross and pray." " "Well," I said, "if 
 that is the only way, I shall endeavor to do it, 
 for I intend to keep religion." The meeting 
 
14 ATJTOBIOGKAPHY. 
 
 opened and they all prayed. I thought I must 
 pray also, but the cross was heavy— my frame trem- 
 bled from head to foot. How shall I stand up ? 
 was a question more easily asked than answered, 
 I made several attempts before I succeeded, but 
 when I finally gained an upright position, my 
 mouth refused to open, I could not speak a word 
 until an old brother helped me by saying, " If yon 
 have anything to say for the Lord, speak and let 
 us hear." I spoke a few words, — then fell on my 
 knees and began to pray, when I was so over- 
 whelmed by the power and love of God, that I 
 was unable to rise or move. Unutterable joy 
 filled my soul. The Spirit itself now bore clear 
 and direct witness with my spirit, that I was born 
 of God. Every fear, every doubt was gone; Christ 
 was all the world to me, and I praised Him with 
 my whole heart. 
 
 Our meeting lasted several hours ; it was a time 
 of great power; some fell to the floor as dead, and 
 others shouted for joy. A man ploughing in the 
 neighboring field heard the sound, was awakened, 
 dropped his plough, came to the meeting and 
 Boon found peac6 in believing. 
 
 All the way home my mouth was filled with 
 praise. I no longer hung my head as we passed 
 through the village, but felt willing the whole 
 world should know that I had been to a Metho- 
 dist prayer-meeting. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 1808-1811. 
 
 He joins the Church on Probation. — Seeks the Conversion of 
 old Companions. — A powerful Revival. — A Point of Duty.^ 
 Running to Meeting. — Circuit Preaching. — In charge of a Class.— 
 The Brethren pleased with their younE; Leader. — Exercised on 
 the Subject of Preaching. — End of his Apprenticeship. — His 
 Worldly Possessions.— Employed by an Innkeeper.— Shows his 
 Colors. — No Swearing not- Drinking allowed in the Shop. — Pray- 
 ers in the Bar-Room. — Remonstrates against the desecration of 
 the Sabbath.— Of Age.— Forty dollars in Hand.— A Question 
 about the Future. — Continues with his old Ernplover. — Fills the 
 Preacher's Appointment. — Licensed to Exhort. — His Marriage. — 
 Prospers in Business. — A Home of his own. — Hospitality. 
 
 ^ about two weeks I gave my name as a 
 probationer in the Methodist Episcopal 
 Church. As soon as I found the Pearl of 
 Great Price, I began to feel for others. I fre- 
 quently spoke to my old companions, and urged 
 them to seek the Lord. They made several at- 
 tempts to ensnare me, and draw me back; but the 
 Lord watched over my steps, and kept my feet 
 from falling. By a steady, uniform, religious -life, 
 I gained their confidence in the honesty and sin- 
 cerity of my profession, and soon a powerful re- 
 vival commenced, in which about ninety of my old 
 friends and companions were converted. As occa- 
 sion offered I would pray and exhort in our little 
 meetings. I made it a point of duty, whatever my 
 
16 AUTOBIOGEAPnT. 
 
 feelings might be, never to leave a prayer-meeting 
 without bearing the Cross, — and a great cross it 
 was. Sometimes I would begin to speak or pray, 
 and end in weeping. I had to walk two miles, but 
 for two years, by the grace of Grod, I, never missed 
 a prayer-meeting nor a class-meeting — night or 
 day, summer or winter, hot or cold, wet or dry. 
 Sometimes business would preas me so much that 
 I was likely to be late for tbe commencement of 
 the meeting, which I could not well endure. At 
 such times I would run every step of the way, up 
 hill and down; so I seldom went in after the 
 begiiming of service. After two years, we re- 
 moved much nearer the place of worship : this 
 saved me many a weary walk. 
 
 Once a fortnight, on a week-day, we had a ser- 
 mon from our Circuit-preacher, which we attend- 
 ed without fail, for the Word of Grod was precious 
 in those days. I remember it so happened at one 
 time that all the family went but myself — for 
 some cause I must stay at home. When I looked 
 out and saw them on their way to the " feast of 
 fat things," I wept like a child ; but God blessed 
 me at home, and I had a happy day, after all. 
 
 When I had been about nine months in the 
 Church, the preacher put me in charge of a class, 
 of which my brother John and his wife, as well as 
 several older persons, were members. This was 
 a severe trial of my faith, for I was naturally very 
 bashful, and young in years as well as in religion. 
 Sometimes I felt like death, and so little in ray 
 
1808—1811. 17 
 
 own eyes, that I could willingly have crept under 
 the seats, or laid myself down to be trodden upon. 
 I generally spoke with my eyes shut, for I had 
 not courage to open them. But the brethren, 
 being full of kindness, and believing me sincere, 
 professed themselves satisfied and even pleased 
 with their young leader. "We were all of one 
 
 heart and mind, and had blessed seasons in our 
 
 • ^ ■ 1 
 
 class and prayer-meetings. The Lord was with 
 
 us, and added numbers to our little band. 
 
 My mind was greatly exercised on the subject 
 of preaching the Gospel ; and, somehow, I hardly 
 knew why, the brethren seemed to think I ought 
 to preach. But my diffidence, my youth, my 
 ignorance, my lack, indeed, of every necessary 
 qualification — the greatness of the work, the 
 awful responsibilities of a minister of Christ, not 
 only held me back, but kept me from opening my 
 mind to anyone on the subject. For nearly seven 
 years I kept the secret shut up in my own bosom. 
 Others often spoke to me about it, but I would 
 always evade' the subject, and turn the conversa- 
 tion to something else. The brethren offered me 
 license to exhort, but I refused it, fearing to what 
 it might lead, though I suffered much in my own 
 mind on account of the refusal. As class-leader, 
 I often spoke in public, and held meetings in 
 different places with other brethren ; but the 
 word "preach," when applied to myself, was too 
 great a word for me to use ; and long after I 
 commenced preaching, I could not bring myself 
 
18 AUTOBIOGRAPHT. 
 
 to say that I would, or had preached — but I had 
 " talked," or would " try to talk a little." I would 
 willingly have been a local-preacher, and remained 
 at home, bearing my own expenses, and support- 
 ing the traveling preachers; but that was not my 
 calling. "Go ye out into all the world," was my 
 commission — this was what I dreaded, and j'et 
 knew in my own soul that it was my duty. What 
 shall I do ? was a question I often revolved in my 
 mind, and so momentous did it appear, that it 
 took me years to come to a decision. 
 
 My time of service as an apprentice was now 
 nearly at an end. There being an opening to 
 commence business for myself, I bought my time 
 of my brother, and on the first of March, 1811, 
 with a pack ou my back containing all my clothes, 
 and with twenty-five cents in my pocket, all the 
 money I had in the world, I started on foot for a 
 journey of thirty miles through the spring niud. I 
 arrived at my place of destination, too weary to eat 
 or sleep, and in the morning entered upon my 
 regular duties. The man for whom I had engaged 
 to work was an innkeeper with no religion. Be- 
 ing young and unacquainted with the ways of the 
 world, and living in a tavern, where they sold and 
 drank liquor, I was fearful I might be drawn into 
 the snares of the devil. Therefore I thought it 
 safest to show my colors at once, and let "them 
 all understand that I was a Christian. I proposed 
 to the landlord that he should allow me to pray 
 at night in his family/ and ask a blessing at his 
 
1808—1811. 19 
 
 table. To this he readily consented. I tlien ntade 
 a rule that there should be no swearing, and no 
 drinking of intoxicating liquors in the shop. This 
 brought me into direct contact with sin and Satan, 
 for the entire place was a real devil's den. Scarce- 
 ly a man, woman, or child made any pretensions 
 to piety. I found full employment for faith, 
 patience, and the whole panoply of God. But 
 grace sustained me, and gave me a " mouth and 
 wisdom" which none of my enemies could " resist 
 or gainsay." I felt it my duty faithfully, but kind- 
 ly tp reprove sin whenever occasion offered. One 
 of the wealthiest men in the place was the first 
 to violate the " rule" of the shop. He was a very 
 profane man, and began to curse and swear — I 
 remonstrated — he was silenced for a moment, but 
 went into the tavern, and renewing his courage 
 at the bar, came back and sprang like a tiger upon 
 his prey. God enabled me to stand steady, and 
 by His grace to conquer. This man became my 
 firm friend, and I never heard him swear after- 
 wards. 
 
 Sometimes a large number of travelers would 
 put up for the night at the tavern. On such 
 occasions I uniformly invited them to attend 
 family-worship with us, and sometimes we would 
 all collect in the bar-room for prayers. 
 
 There being no meetings in the place, it had 
 been the practice of the idle and wicked to flock 
 to the tavern to spend the Sabbath. I remon- 
 strated with the landlord on the wickedness of 
 
20 AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 
 
 allowing such a desecration of the Lord's Day in 
 his house ; but he cared no more for the Sabbath 
 than for any other day. I then began to reprove 
 those who came. At first it gave some offence, 
 but in the end it produced an entire change, so 
 that if I were at home, we had no loungers on 
 Sunday. Sometimes, while I was at ^neeting, 
 they would come, but keep watch, and were 
 pretty sure to be off before I made my appearance. 
 All these things contributed to keep my armor 
 bright. I had. to watch and pray continually; but 
 such was the goodness of my Divine Saviour — so 
 greatly did He strengthen- and comfort me, that 
 I never enjoyed myself better anywhere, than in 
 that hive of sinners. 
 
 We had no meeting nearer than three miles. I 
 sought, and soon found a little company of dis- 
 ciples with whom I united in class. We usually 
 had prayer-meeting and exhortation on the Sab- 
 bath ; preaching once in two weeks, and on the 
 alternate week a prayer and class-meeting. In 
 these means of grace I took great delight, never 
 willingly neglecting them ; and they proved times 
 of refreshing from the presence of the Lord. 
 
 Thus I lived until my birth-day, the 15th of 
 April, 1811. On looking over the past six weeks 
 of labor, I found that I had earned sufficient to 
 pay my brother for my time, and had forty dollars 
 balance. Thus had God blessed me temporally 
 as well as spiritually. 
 
 I was now of age, and had to act entirely on 
 
1808—1811. 21 
 
 my own responsibility. The inquiry naturally 
 arose, what shall I do in the future ? I was ready 
 to serve >Grod in any way He should point out at 
 home, but was unwilling to travel and preach. 
 While thus deliberating, my old employer made 
 me a favorable offer to continue at my trade. He 
 was to find shop, tools, stock, apprentice, board, 
 and all other expenses — allow me one half day 
 each week to go to meeting, and pay me nine hun- 
 dred and thirty-nine dollars for three years. I ac- 
 cepted the otfer, and went again to the hammer 
 and anvil. 
 
 I felt a deep concern for my neighbors — they 
 seemed like sheep having no shepherd. There 
 ■were no meetings held in the place, the Sabbath 
 was grossly profaned, drinking was common, and 
 vice stalked abroad with none to rebuke. There 
 was one man and his wife who were members of 
 the Methodist Church. I persuaded him to open 
 his barn for meeting, and went sixteen miles to 
 get a local-preacher. He made an appointment, 
 and I published it through the neighborhood. 
 The day arrived, the people flocked together, but 
 no preacher came. Here was a dilemma. An 
 exhorter was present, but he had not courage to 
 speak to so large a congregation. I was no preach- 
 er, no exhorter, no class-leader— indeed I had no 
 authority from men to either speak or pray in 
 public. But how could I let the people depart 
 without a word of prayer? I was young and 
 timid, yet I knew God could help me. The few 
 
22 AUTOBIOaaAPHY. 
 
 brethren present urged me forward, and I arose 
 and told the people that the preacher having fail- 
 ed to keep his engagement, if they would consent 
 to-remain, we would sing and pray. I gave out 
 a hymn which they sang, and then, having ad- 
 dressed the Throne of Grace, I arose and said, if 
 they had no objection we would sing again, and I 
 would read a chapter in the Bible. While read- 
 ing, a verse impressed my mind with great force, 
 and without saying anything about a text, or 
 preaching, I spoke for nearly an hour with great 
 freedom, and the people listened patiently. Thus, 
 without premeditation or design, 1 had preached, 
 and was fairly launched. What shall be done 
 next? I knew not, but a brother who had heard 
 me went to the Quarterly Conference which I did 
 not attend, and without my knowledge or consent 
 brought me license to exhort. I dared not re- 
 fuse, and afterwards frequently held meetings for 
 prayer and exhortation. 
 
 On the 20th of August, 1811, 1 married Sally 
 Burritt, with whom I had been acquainted from 
 childhood. I bought a little house, and in 'Sovetn. 
 ber following we commenced housekeeping. Af- 
 ter a time, my employer oiFered to sell me the 
 shop, tools and stock, and allow me to work on 
 my own responsibility. I bought him out, and 
 God gave me good health, plenty of work, and 
 good customers. In one year, by the blessing of 
 Providence, and by diligent attention to business, 
 I was able to purchase a house, and ten acres of 
 
1808—1811. 23 
 
 improved land. Here I built me a shop and barn, 
 and added eighteen acres of wood-land. 
 
 Having now a home of my own, I began to use 
 hospitality, and opened my house for the preach- 
 ers, and any one else who chose to call. It was 
 supposed that I gave away more meals than my 
 neighbor, the innkeeper sold, and he went down, 
 while I went up. I determined, from the first, 
 not to deny any person a meal, or a night's lodg- 
 ing; and have held fast to my purpose more than 
 fifty years. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 1811-1817. 
 
 Holds Meetings at a Distance.— The Call to Preach ringing in 
 his Ears. — A Secret for Seven Years. — " Made Childless." — Shop 
 in Flames. — A Conditional Promise. — Eeveals his Call to Preach 
 to a Friend. — How his wife learned the Secret. — The only Ques- 
 tion. — Advice of the Presiding Elder. — Sells House, Shop and 
 Tools. — Goes forth, not knowing whither. — Attends Conference 
 at Albany, N.Y. — Admitted on Trial.^-Appointed to Delaware Cir- 
 cuit. — Six of his Old Companions Converted under One Sermon — 
 Happy in his Work.^ Conference in New-York City. — A remark by 
 Bishop McKendree. — Appointed to Sharon Circuit. — A Log Hut 
 for a Parsonape. — No Complaining. — A Small Congregation — A 
 Powerful Awakening. — Conference at Middlebury, Vt. — Ordained 
 Deacon. — The Course of Study. — What he knew, and what h« 
 did not know. — Christ not dependent on Learned Men. — Illus- 
 tration. — A Strange Question. — Sent to Kewburgh Circuit. — A 
 Successful Financier. 
 
 jY business coutinned to prosper, but I 
 was sorely troubled about entering the 
 Ministry. An appointment was made for 
 regular Circuit pi'eaching at my house once a fort- 
 night. I traveled sometimes twenty and thirty 
 miles to hold meetings, often three on the same 
 day'. I never thought of pay, nor even of having 
 my expenses paid, although I was obliged to hire 
 a horse. If the people would consent to hear me 
 patiently, I considered myself sufficiently reward- 
 ed. In this way God enabled me to form several 
 classes in new places never before visited by our 
 
1811—1817. 25 
 
 proacliers. But all this did not satisfy my mind. 
 *' You must travel and preacli," was constantly 
 ringing in my ears; yet I never mentioned the 
 subject to any person for seven years after my con- 
 version, and for four years after my marriage. 
 
 Children were given us, and I tried to excuse 
 myself on the ground that it would be impossible 
 for a man with a family to travel a Circuit — but 
 in one day we were made childless. In a short 
 "time another was given, and in three days it was 
 taken away. 
 
 One morning I awoke from sleep, and behold! 
 tlie house was full of light. At first I thought it 
 on fire, but looking out, saw that my shop was 
 covered with a winding sheet of flame — a new 
 shop, and a new set of tools all gone beyond hope-! 
 I acknowledged in my heart the hand of God, but 
 held my peace, and said to Him Who had thus 
 smitten me, " Help me to get another shop, and 
 pay for my place, and I will go." M^y mind at 
 once became calm and peaceful. God accepted 
 my resolve, and in four weeks I had another shop, 
 and a new set of tools. 
 
 The time arrived. My place was paid for, and 
 I owed no man anything. I saw no way to es- 
 cape, and save niy soul — the vow of God was 
 upon me. 
 
 In the summer of 1814- 1 made a tent, and in- 
 vited all I could, to go with me to a Camp-meet- 
 ing : there my soul was wondei'fuUy blest by the 
 Lord Jesus Christ. I felt that the time had fully 
 
26 AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 
 
 cojne when I must unbosom myself to some one 
 on the all-absorbing subject that pressed upon my 
 mind. On returning from the Camp-meeting, I 
 took a beloved friend with whom I was very in- 
 timate into my orchard, and under the shade of a 
 tree, I unburdened my heart with reference 'to 
 preaching. He answered me kindly that he was 
 not surprised, but had been expecting it for a 
 long time. 
 
 'Now the long pent up feelings had found vent;, 
 I had gained a great point : but my wife, how 
 shall I make it known to her ? What will she 
 say about leaving a comfortable home, and becom- 
 ing a wanderer ? If she should oppose me I fear 
 my courage will fail, after all. However, she 
 must know it, so that night, with a faltering voice, 
 i related my exercises of mind. When I had done, 
 she laughingly said, to my utter surprise, " It is 
 no secret to me, I've known it a long time." "You 
 knew it," I exclaimed, " how in the world did you 
 learn it, for I have never spoken a word to any 
 person about this matter until to-day." "Oh," she 
 replied, "I know all about it, for at night, as soon 
 as you fall asleep, you are constantly talking 
 about preaching and traveling!" So my secret 
 was out before I was aware of it, and in a way I 
 little expected. " Well," said I, " what do you 
 think of it?" She replied, "I am fully persuad- 
 ed that God has called you to preach, and that it 
 is your duty to go. I shall put nothing in the way 
 of your duty." This was comfort and encourai-e- 
 
1811—1817. 27 
 
 ment indeed ! I*fobly spoken, thouglat I, and 
 uobly did she fulfil her promise. 
 
 Judging by my own convictions, and all I could 
 gather from others, I came to the solemn conclu- 
 sion that God had moved me by the Holy Ghost, 
 to preach the Gospel. N'otwithstanding the hard- 
 ships of a traveling preacher's life in those days, 
 and the small support received for their families, 
 when I had once decided to enter upon the work, 
 I allowed none of these things to move me. I 
 never once thought about getting a living, or 
 whether! should do any good — ^it was duty only 
 that I consulted.^ Was it the will of God ? Was 
 one so weak, so unworthy, so ignorant, called to 
 so great a work ? 
 
 This was the question, the only question that 
 had any influence with me. I was willing to la- 
 bor, to suffer, to be poor, if I could only do the 
 will of my Father in Heaven. I knew that my 
 motives were pure, that I was prompted by no 
 other interest than love to God and soals. Thus 
 my eye was single before the heart-searching God, 
 and I was full of light, comfort and love. 
 
 The way was now fully open for conversation on 
 the subject, having no longer any reason or de- 
 sire for concealment. I talked freely with the 
 preachers, who encouraged me to go forward. 
 
 At a Quarterly Meeting held at my own house 
 shortly after this, I spoke to the Presiding Elder, 
 Rev. Daniel Ostrander, on the subject. He said 
 but little to me at that time — rather cautious and 
 
28 AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 
 
 cold, I thought. But afterwards he fully explained 
 himself, adrising me to enter the ministry at once. 
 
 From this time I began to arrange my business 
 to leave. I gave my apprentice his time, about 
 fifteen months— ^sold him my place, shop and 
 tools, and let him take all my customers. I 
 bought him a full assortment of stock to begin 
 with — ^settled all my accounts, and made my prep- 
 arations to go forth, not knowing whither— nor 
 did I care much, so that I could please God. 
 
 At our last Quarterly Meeting before the Con- 
 ference of 1815, I received a regular license as a 
 local-preacher, and a recommendation to the New 
 York Annual Conference, which was held that 
 year in the city of Albany, 1!^. Y. I attended it 
 with my two older brothers, Joseph and John, who 
 were both ordained Deacons by the venerable 
 Bishop Asbury. This was the last time the good 
 old Bishop attended the N'ew-York Conference. 
 
 I was admitted on trial, and stationed on the 
 Delaware Circuit, with Stephen Jacobs as my col- 
 league — a zealous, faithful brother. 
 
 Our Circuit, which we traveled once in three 
 weeks, was more than two hundred miles around. 
 "We preached thirty times, and met about thirty 
 Classes. The circuit included my old home where 
 I was converted. Here I was among my old asso- 
 ciates. This was a cross, but God gave me confi- 
 dence. As I had lived in charity with all men, I 
 had nothing to fear but sin. Under my first ser- 
 mon in the place God smote six of my old com- 
 
1811—1817. 29 
 
 paiiions to the heart; and before the year closed, 
 about two hundred persons were converted and 
 added to the Church. 
 
 My soul was on the mountain-top of holy enjoy- 
 ment. I could and did labor day and night to 
 win souls to Christ. The work filled my whole 
 soul; I was never more happy, though we received 
 but little money — only one hundred and thirty 
 dollars for the whole year. 
 
 The Conference of 1816 was held in the City of 
 iN'ew-York. In company with my colleague, I 
 started for the city, holding meetings and preach- 
 ing by the way. At Conference all was new and 
 strange to -me. They sat with closed doors; no 
 one but members being permitted to witness their 
 deliberations. I could not understand the reason 
 for such a course, and from that day conceived an 
 undying opposition to the custom. 
 
 At this time I first saw and heard Bishop Mc 
 Kendree. One remark in his sermon to the 
 j)reachers I never forgot. It was this: "IN'eyer 
 go into debt, but always bring your wants within 
 your means." I felt its force, and from that time 
 adopted it as a rule of conduct. 
 
 At this Conference I received my appointment 
 on Sharon Circuit, with Eev. John Goodsell as 
 my colleague. It embraced a part of my old 
 ground, and was about one hundred and fifty 
 miles around, which we traveled once in four 
 weeks. I went quite around before I could find 
 a house for my family, and finally was compelled 
 
30 AUTOBIOGEAPHY. 
 
 to take a log hut with but one room. It had long 
 been abandoned as a dwelling, and been used as a 
 sheep-cot, and then as a cooper's shop. I took 
 mud from the road and filled the cracks,- and 
 whitewashed the inside. Here I put my young 
 wife and one child, frequently leaving them for 
 two weeks at a time : but there was no complain- 
 ing; we had given all for Christ, and were content. 
 
 God gave us good health and good times on the 
 Circuit. About one hundred and fifty souls were 
 converted during the year. On my first tour 
 around the Circuit I came to an appointment that 
 was on my plan, but for some time could find no 
 lodging-place. At last I secured one with a man 
 who lived in a shed with only one room, and that 
 a very small one. I hired my horse kept at a 
 neighboring farmer's, and announced preaching 
 in the afternoon at the school-house. My congre- 
 gation consisted of the man at whose house I 
 staid, liis wife, a young lady who taught the 
 school, and a few of the children. I preached 
 from Amos iv. 12: God owned His word, and the 
 school-mistress was awakened. When I came 
 around the next time, I found the young woman 
 happy in God, and bold to declare what God had 
 done for her soul. 
 
 A powerful awakening spread through the place 
 and about forty souls were converted. I had a 
 full congregation of hearers, and pleilty of lodg- 
 ing-places were ofiered for my accommodation. 
 
 On this Circuit, for the first time, I had the 
 
1811—1817. 31 
 
 charge, and deeply felt the responsibility; but I 
 put my trust in the Lord, and He sustained me. 
 "We went through the year very pleasantly, though 
 we received only about one hundred and forty 
 dollars for our support. 
 
 Our Conference this year, 1817, was held in 
 Middlebury, Vt. Here I was ordained Deacon by 
 Bishop George. I was not examined by any com- 
 mittee as to ray studies, this being the first year 
 they acted under the new rule. The Presiding 
 Elder told the Conference that the course of study 
 had not been given- to me, so they let me slide 
 through easily. If it has been any blessing to the 
 Church that I ever came into the Conference, it 
 is well they did, for I doubt if I could have passed 
 muster before any committee that was at all 
 critical. 
 
 As to Theologj' — from my own experience I 
 knew what conviction for sin was. I knew my 
 sins were forgiven, "through the Infinite 'merit of 
 God in Christ Jesus. I knew the spirit of adop- 
 tion wbich cries, " Abba Father! " I knew that I 
 loved God and all mankind. I knew that my 
 motives in entering the ministry were pure and 
 sincere. I knew that I sought not my own ease, 
 honor, power or wealth, but to do the will of my 
 Heavenly Father. I knew my Bible, and believed 
 it to be God's own Bevelation to man. But I 
 knew nothing, at that time, of. Stackhouse, or 
 Watson, or Adam Clark, or Dwight — of Calvin, 
 Luther, Knox, or Armini us— nothing about Logic, 
 
32 AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 
 
 or Rhetoric, Moral or iN'atural Philosophy aa 
 taught in the schools ; yet the Conference admit- 
 ted me, and God blessed my feeble labors among 
 the people, 
 
 I am not an apologist for ignorance. I have no 
 objection to our ministers being learned; the more 
 learned the better, if all be sanctified to God, and 
 laid at the feet of Christ : but I do not believe 
 that Jesus Christ is dependent upon learned men 
 for His ministers. He sometimes chooses the 
 ignorant, and makes them more abundantly use- 
 ful, to teach us not to think more highly of men 
 and learning than we ought to think; and to show 
 that the excellency of the power is of God, and 
 not in human instrumentality^ 
 
 At this Conference a circumstance occurred 
 which, to some extent, illustrates these remarks. 
 My wife had a brother living in Vergennes, Vt., a 
 short" distance from Middleburj', where the Con- 
 ference was to be held. !N"ot having seen hirt for 
 many years, she accompanied me to 'the Confer- 
 ence for the purpose of visiting him. We found 
 him a highly respectable and wealthy gentleman, 
 strongly attached to the doctrines of the Calvinis- 
 tic faith. His wife was a member of the Congre- 
 gational Church ; consequently greatly prejudiced 
 against the Methodists, though they knew .very lit- 
 tle about them, except from reports made by their 
 enemies. The minister of the place boarded at 
 their house, and another minister was there on 
 a visit. We arrived on Saturdav. about noon. 
 
1811—1817. 33 
 
 and found the family at dinner, I went in and 
 announced that a sister of Mr. B. was in the car- 
 riage at the gate. He went out, and she in- 
 troduced me as. her husband, and a Methodist 
 preacher. He gave us, I thought, a rather cool 
 reception. I, with my " straight-bodied " drab 
 coat and white hat, and Sally with her plain Metli- 
 odist bonnet, did not present a veiy stylish appear- 
 ance. "We were not introduced to their company, 
 but into another room. When they had dined, 
 and the company had left, some dinner was served 
 to U3. 
 
 There was but one Methodist in the place — a 
 lady who, learning by some means that a Meth- 
 odist preacher was there, came to iiicpiire if some 
 arrangement could not be made for me to preach 
 the next day. There was no church, but public 
 worship was held in the Court House, where the 
 Congregational minister preached to the exclusion 
 of all others. Our new friend was very desirous 
 that he should give way and let me preach one 
 sermon. But piy sister-in-law made the excuse 
 that the morning sermon was to be on a special 
 subject, and in the afternoon a funeral discourse 
 was to be_ preached. 
 
 I cared little about it, for I had made arrange- 
 ments, while coming up, to preach about a mile 
 out of town, at ten o'clock. "When the lady 
 heard this, she was content to go there — so the 
 matter stood on Saturday. 
 
 Sunday morning came. Mr. B. said to his 
 
31 AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 
 
 sister : " Sully, you must go with me to-day, and 
 when I visit you I will go to your meeting." 
 
 Sally felt a little disturbed, thinking her hus- 
 band had not been very cordially received, and 
 she replied : " I think I shall go with Heman." 
 
 I said: "By no means, Sally — go with your 
 brother, and I will come back at noon, and go 
 with you in the aftei-noon." 
 
 So off I went and preached in a school-house 
 to all who came ; and in the afternoon went with 
 the family to their meeting. The preacher went 
 through with the services, taking no nptice of me. 
 On our return to the house he introduced a sub- 
 ject which led to a spirited debate on doctrinal 
 points. I felt that my time had come. God 
 wonderfully helped me. He opened the Scrip- 
 tures to my mind, and enabled me to speak forth 
 His truth Math such freedom and power as forced 
 my opponent to the wall. 
 
 In the midst of the debate the bell of the old 
 Court House rang for Conference Meeting. Mr. 
 B. said to his minister, 
 
 " Are you going to the meeting ? " 
 
 He replied : " I think not. Deacon will 
 
 be there, and can conduct the services. I have 
 preached twice to-day, and am very weary." 
 
 Mr. B. then asked if I would go. I said I 
 thought not ; I would as soon stay at home, and 
 converse with Mr. L. 
 
 Mr. L. replied : " It is as hard work to talk at 
 home as in meeting — I think I will go." 
 
1811—1817. 35 
 
 I then said : " If Mn L. goes, I will go, too." 
 
 So, off we all went to meeting. On the way 
 Mr. L. invited me to take a seat with him on the 
 platform.> I made no objection ; so here I was in 
 my plain garb, seated by the side of the minister. 
 All the great ones of the place were at the meet- 
 ing; but no one, except the family, knew who I 
 was. Mr. L. was very attentive — asked me to 
 select a Psalm to be sung ; but I declined. After 
 singing he invited me to make the prayer ; but I 
 declined this also. He prayed, and then remarked, 
 that it was customary to read a chapter, and make 
 some comments upon it; and asked if I would 
 select a chapter. I referred him to the- Fifth of 
 Romans. He read it and made a few remarks, 
 then said if I had anything to say, there was 
 liberty. I replied that I did not wish to occupy 
 the time of others. He then gave permission to 
 any one to speak. One of the Deacons arose and 
 confirmed what the Minister had said. Mr. L. 
 again turned to me and invited me to speak. 
 
 The Spirit of the Lord came upon me — I arose, 
 and from Romans v. 18, preached, with great free- 
 dom, the doctrines of Christ, for about forty-five 
 minutes. 
 
 It was surprising, what d change those few 
 words produced. Mr. B. was all wonderment 
 and said, " We should like such preaching here." 
 I told him that was Methodist doctrine — that he 
 had been misled by false reports. 
 
 Mrs. B. was all love and kindness; and, for 
 
36 AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 
 
 the first time since my arrival, called me "brotli- 
 er." Mr. L. was all sociabilitj' , and invited me 
 to preach for him the next Sabbath— but the next 
 Sabbath I must be at Conference, 
 
 They all concluded that I was some college-bred 
 clergyman. Mr. B. said : "I think you had the 
 best of the argument with Mr. L., except on fall- 
 ing from grace; and I don't know but you are 
 right even there ; for you have the most Scripture 
 on your side. But we never heard these things 
 before." 
 
 I gave him a copy of our Church Discipline, 
 and left in great friendship, never more to meet, 
 until we stand before the judgment-seat of Christ. 
 
 Thus we see that it is not by might, nor by 
 power, but by My Spirit, saith the Lord. The 
 Holy Ghost can do the work by the feeblest in- 
 strumentality. 
 
 At Conference the Presiding Elder asked me 
 where I would like to go next year. A strange 
 question, I thought, to put to a traveling preacher ; 
 for I supposed he belonged to the Church, soul 
 and body, and must be willing to take any part of 
 the work assigned him, without questioning the 
 propriety of the appointment. 
 
 I replied : " Anywhere but back again to the 
 same Cii'cuit; for we had good times the past 
 year, and I fear if I return all will be spoiled." • 
 
 I have very seldom been asked the question 
 since. They generally send me just where they 
 please. 
 
1811—1817. 37 
 
 1 was sent to Newburgh Circuit, with two eol- 
 leagaes. Brothers S. J. and E. B. One was with, 
 me on my first Circuit ; the other had been the 
 same length of time in the Conference as myself. 
 
 Our Circuit was large — about three hundred 
 miles around. At the third Quarterly Meeting 
 both my colleagues broke down under the arduous 
 labors we had to perform, and never preached 
 another sermon that year. The Presiding Elder 
 gave me the charge of the Circuit. Having pro- 
 cured the assistance of a j'^oung man, we managed 
 the best we could. With the exception of the 
 Sabbath duties, I performed the labor of two 
 preachers, for the remainder of the year. 
 
 One thing I learned at this time — that there 
 was no necessitj', if proper means were adopted, 
 of so great lack in the support of our preachers. 
 Having a little means of my own, I had heretofore 
 thought or cared little about money. I only 
 thought of saving souls. But now, both of my 
 helpers being prostrated by sickness, they were 
 in want of the necessaries of life ; especially Bro. 
 S. J., who had a family,, and nothing of his own 
 to depend upon. I waited upon the Stewards of 
 the Circuit, and found that there was a great de- 
 ficiency — three hundred and eighty dollars — ^to be 
 raised during the Quarter. I arranged my plans, 
 apd presented them to the Societies, When I 
 came to the next Quarterly Meeting I brought 
 Tyith me three hundred and forty-eight dollars. 
 More was added afterwards, so that at the close 
 
38 AUTOBIOGRAPHY, 
 
 of the year there was a deficiency of only twelve 
 dollars to be divided among the three claimants. 
 
 This was considered a wonder, at the time : but 
 from that day to this, when I have had the charge 
 myself, I have never had a deficiency in my 
 allowance. 
 
PART II. 
 JOtJEI^AL 
 
PAET II. 
 
 JOURNAL. 
 1817-18W. 
 
 The Itinerant's Rest-Week. — A Point of Conscience. — The Ar- 
 row hits the Mark. — Infant Baptism. — A " Mighty Shaking 
 among the Dry Bones." — Stormy Weather ; Long Bides ; Few 
 Hearers. — Plain Preaching self-applied. — One who had Located 
 to make Money — Doctrines and Usages of the M. E. Church. — 
 Kewhurgh Circuit divided. — Motive for continuing his Journal. — 
 Conference at Troy, N. Y. — Ordained Elder by Bishop Roberts.^ 
 Appointed to New Windsor Circuit. — Election and Reprobation. 
 — "God with us in AfSiotiou." — An Act of Consecration. — Secret 
 Prayer Five Times a Day. — A Mite Society, for Superannuated- 
 Preachers. — Dangerously 111. — The Holy Sabbath. — Christian 
 Perfection. — Conversions at Camp-Meeting. — Lost in the Woods. 
 — The Happy Itinerant. — " A High Day of the Lord's Power." — • 
 The Baptist Deacon. — A Short Debate with a Calvinist. — Temp- 
 tation not Sin. — Intense Desires. — The Right Spirit in Contro- 
 versy. — " A Presbyterian Pot stirred with a Methodist Stick." — A 
 Charitable Spirit. — Thanks God and takes Courage. 
 
 BUGUST 18. Preached to a few loving 
 people, and the Lord was with us. After 
 preaching, rode five miles over the moun- 
 tains — ^no road, only a path over rocks, through 
 the hrush and mud to Bro. R's. 
 
 August 20. — ^Rode home and found all well. 
 This is called our "rest week," but there is nol 
 much rest for me. Monday, Tuesday, until Wed- 
 
42 JOURNAL. 
 
 nesday noon, worked hard to provide for the fam- 
 ily during my absence, then rode fourteen miles 
 and preached in the evening. On Thursday, rode 
 sixteen miles and preached again — one backslider 
 was reclaimed and joined society. Friday, rode 
 five miles and preached to a crowded house on the 
 necessity of a change of heart. Saturday, rode 
 seventeen miles home in the rain. 
 
 August 27. — ^Visited the people. I find it re- 
 quires great wisdom and grace to visit profitably. 
 On Saturday, rode through the rain to my appoint- 
 ment and" found no congregation. I make it a 
 point of conscience never to miss an appointment, 
 storm or no storm. 
 
 November 2. — Still raining, but few to hear. 
 On Monday, came to my appointment at Esopus 
 — preached in the evening to about three hundred 
 people. The Lord is working powerfully among 
 them. I spoke until too hoarse to be understood : 
 then Brother M. exhorted. We dismissed the 
 congregation and held Class-meeting. About one 
 hundred staid to the Class — many wept, others 
 shouted for joy. Q, my God, carry forward Thine 
 own work ! This is the delight of my soul. "Would 
 we could see it thus, all around the Circuit ! I feel 
 more and more like devoting myself wholly to the 
 service of Jesus, my Divine Lord and Master. 
 O, what am I, that such great honor should be be- 
 stowed on me, to be called to preach the unsearch- 
 able riches of Christ to sinners ! 
 
 November 7.- — Kode nine miles to my evening 
 
1817—1820. 43 
 
 appointment. Spoke strong words, and to some 
 purpose. One old man, after meeting, informed 
 me that he believed some one had been telling me 
 all about him, for I had preached the entire ser- 
 mon to him. In tl^is he was greatly mistaken — 
 we bend the bow, but God directs the arrow., 
 There was once a flourishing society here,, but it 
 has melted away to almost nothing. Want of pru- 
 dent management is the cause. 0, how much 
 wisdom and judgment is required to govern ,the 
 Church of God ! 
 
 Novemher 8. — Eode to Brother B.'s — a new 
 place, but the congregation is increasing. One 
 found peace and two joined Society. Brother B. 
 is a good man, but has neglected to have his chil- 
 dren baptized. When I was here before, I talked 
 with him and his wife on the subject, but they did 
 not think it necessary. Afterwards, light broke in 
 upon their minds, and they became so troubled as 
 to have no rest ; so now they brought their chil- 
 dren all forward, six in number, and gave them to 
 God in Holy Baptism. I wonder how any parent 
 can keep his children from Christ. " Suffer them 
 to come unto Me," says the Saviour, and every 
 parent who keeps them from baptism, in effect, 
 keeps them from Christ ; for how shall we suffer 
 them to come to Christ, if not in His ordinances? 
 He is not here in person to take them in His arms, 
 but His true ministers are here in His stead, and 
 should take them in their arms in the name of the 
 Lord. I rode through the woods about five miles, 
 
4-i JOtTKNAL. 
 
 to my evening appointment in a new place. I 
 love to look up new places. It was dark and 
 muddy, but I found a few souls to whom I ex- 
 plained the New Birth. 
 
 November 10. — Spent the day among friends to 
 some profit, I trust. Preached in the evening to a 
 large and attentive congregation from 1 Tim. iv. 
 10. There was " a mighty shaking among the dry 
 bones"; and in the Class-meeting that followed, 
 they fell like men slain in battle. Some wept aloud 
 for mercy, others shouted for joy. How many pro- 
 fessed conversion at this meeting I know not, but 
 twelve joined Society, and one young woman found 
 peace after the meeting was closed. My soul was 
 on the wing. I have no greater pleasure than to 
 see the work of God prosper. 
 
 November 11. — Rode home twenty-four miles, 
 and found my wife ill. At two o'clock, mot and 
 catechised the children. May they remember 
 their Creator in the days of their youth ! 
 
 November 14. — Started for Quai-terly Meeting. 
 Stopped by the way and held Watch-night at 
 Platterkill, and the following day rode twenty 
 miles through the rain to Quarterly Meeting. 
 Brother S., the Presiding Elder, preached an ex- 
 cellent sermon, and we held a rich Love-Feast. 
 
 November 17. — Rode twenty-five -miles through 
 the rain which froze as it fell, so that when I 
 reached my appointment I was nearly frozen my- 
 self. I found no congregation, had prayers with 
 the family and retired. 0, how much grace and 
 
1817—1820. 45 
 
 fortitude a Methodist preacher needs to keep him 
 from despondency. 
 
 November 18. — Still raining, and rivers high, 
 but duty calls, and I must go. Through the mercy 
 of Divine Providence I reached my appointment, 
 but the freshet being so great, the people did not 
 expect me; so but few were present. However, 
 duty is done, and I am clear. 
 
 November 20. — I feel great need of more grace. 
 The rides are long, the roads extremely bad, and 
 dreary, and but few hearers. This is the greatest 
 trial of the whole — the stupidity of the people. 
 While we labor day and night for their well- 
 being, they care so Jittle for their own souls. I 
 pray for the revival of God's work, especially 
 in my own soul. Come, my Eedeemer, take 
 up Thine abode in the heart of Thy poor servant. 
 
 November 21. — Rode eighteen miles, and preach- 
 ed in the evening to a house full of people, from 
 Prov. iv. 6. A man in the congregation thought 
 himself personally addressed, and came the next 
 morning to inquire about it. I informed him that 
 I meant no personality; but whoever the coat 
 suited, must put it on. 0, that men were wise and 
 would build on Christ the sure foundation ! ' 
 
 November 24. — ^In the morning visited a man 
 who had once been a traveling preacher, but had 
 located to make money. His property had taken 
 wings, and sickness had brought him to the gates 
 of death. There I found him unprepared, but the 
 Lord had mercy upon him and raised him to life. 
 
46 JOURNAL. 
 
 IIow dangerous to love the world, and disobey 
 God! 
 
 November 26. — ^Preached in a new place, to a 
 hard-hearted and stiff-necked people — almost bar- 
 barians in manners. Yet, God is able "of these 
 stones to raise up children unto Abraham." 
 
 November 28. — Rode twenty-four miles and 
 preached three times. God blessed the people 
 and I felt some sweet comfort. My soul thirsteth 
 for the fullness. How I long for the revival of 
 God's work amongst us! 0, for a pure ministry, 
 and a holy people! I fully believe our plans of 
 operation are the best ever devised — the Itineracy 
 — the Class, and Prayer-meeting. Our doctrines 
 are the truth of God — our Discipline scriptural; 
 but what of all these ! The devil may believe them 
 and be a devil still. I may believe them, and be 
 nothing but a "sounding brass and a tinkling 
 cymbal." 
 
 January 1, 1818. — This day I feel like starting 
 afresh for Heaven. Rode fifteen miles and preach- 
 ed twice. The Lord attended His word with 
 power. 
 
 Jammry 12. — For a week pas't, have traveled 
 many miles, and preached ten sermons. The 
 Lord clothed His word with authority. O, what a 
 height and depth in the religion of Jesus ! The 
 blood of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, cleanseth 
 from all sin. 
 
 ******** 
 
 At the Conference held May 6, 1818, 1 was sent 
 
1817—1820. 47 
 
 to Newburgh. The Circuit was divided: a young 
 man was sent to the western part, and Brother E. 
 W. and myself to the eastern part which retained 
 the old name of Newburgh Circuit, while the other 
 was called Sullivan. My colleague had charge, and 
 proved a father to me. We labored in great peace 
 and harmony, and had some success in winning 
 souls. We paid off every claim, and had a surplus 
 of ninety dollars. 
 
 N"o special notes kept of the year 1818 — so little 
 variety, so little to edify. But they are resumed, 
 to help memory, to increase my gratitude for mer- 
 cies received, and that by looking at the past, I 
 may be prompted to do better in the future. 
 
 Conference of 1819 was held in the City of 
 Troy. Here I was ordained Elder, by Bishop 
 Eoberts, and stationed on Ifew "Windsor Circuit. 
 I was received with every mark of respect and 
 kindness. There are many good members in the 
 Society; but, O, how is experimental and practical 
 religion neglected! In many places, family and 
 secret prayer, and prayer-meetings are unknown 
 Heart-searching preaching, and strict but wise 
 and mild discipline are much needed. 
 
 July 10, 1819. — To-morrow, God willing, I 
 must declare the counsel of God in this place, for 
 the first time. 0, for power and grace ! 
 
 July 11. — Spent last evening in reading, and 
 wrestling with God on my knees, and sometimes 
 prostrate on my face. I had some sense of my 
 own nothingness, and my need of a deeper con- 
 
48 JOURNAL. 
 
 formity to the word and will of God. I slept 
 little, but prayed much. To-day have preached 
 twice — spoke plain, close words — baptized one 
 woman and one child — received two into Society 
 who were awakened on Newburgh Circuit when 
 I was there. 
 
 July 12. — Preached in the morning from Eom. 
 vi. 22, to a small, loving Society, We had a 
 shout among God's people. In the evening, 
 preached from Eom. vii. 24 — heavy work ! Cold, 
 hard-hearted professors are no help to a preacher. 
 
 How is it possible that any person, possessing 
 the love of God, can suppose that He could, for 
 His own pleasure or the glory of His justice, have 
 reprobated from all eternity one, much less, mil- 
 lions of souls, to everlasting perdition ? It cannot ■ 
 bfe so. The thought is shocking and blasphemous, 
 without any foundation in the "Word of God. It 
 is contrary to justice and goodness, opposed to 
 reason and common sense; therefore false. But 
 this horrid doctrine necessitates that of particular, 
 unconditional election of a certain and definite 
 number of persons to eternal life; therefore the 
 latter, as well as the former, is untrue. God, of 
 His own infinite mercy and goodness, has made 
 salvation possible for all, and has offered it to all. 
 " Whosoever will, let him take the water oriife 
 freely." This promise is not given to deceive 
 men with a show of mercy, while there is a black 
 decree of reprobation kept back in the dark. No, 
 no, the Almighty is sincere, and in earnest with 
 
1817—1820. 49 
 
 His creatures. Therefore He cries — "Turn ye, 
 for why will ye die; I have no pleasure in the 
 death of the wicked." Salvation is suspended on 
 the condition of repentance toward God, and faith 
 in our Lord Jesus Christ. "He that believeth 
 and is baptized shall be saved, but he that believ- 
 eth not shall be damned." This is the decree of 
 High Heaven. 
 
 July 17. — Rode nine miles, preached, and read 
 and explained the Discipline — then rode six miles 
 and preached in the evening to a large congrega- 
 tiouj a mixed multitude; more than the house 
 could hold. The people of this place have been 
 much opiposed to the Methodists; but prejudice is 
 melting away, and truth prevails. After preach-' 
 ing rode three miles and retired to rest about one 
 in the morning. 
 
 July 24. — My wife has been very ill with inflam- 
 mation of the lungs. She bore it with patience and 
 resignation. O how good to have God with us in 
 affliction ! I could submit the whole to Him. My 
 wife is a helpmeet indeed. Thank God for such 
 a help ! The grace of God is my only support in 
 such an awful trial — through Christ I can and do 
 suffer all things. Watched seven nights in succes- 
 sion with my dear, afflicted wife — Jesus was with 
 me. 
 
 JyJjy 26. — ^Had to leave my sick family in the 
 care of friends, commended them to God, and was 
 off to do His work. Yesterday preached twice. 
 The God of Jacob made me bold; the Lord 
 
50 JOURNAL. 
 
 poured out His spirit, sinners wept all around me, 
 while the. hearts of God's children overflowed 
 with joy and gladness. How rich is the truth of 
 the Gospel of Christ ! 
 
 July 28. — Severe -pain in my head caused by rid- 
 ing in the hot sun, and intense study, both before 
 and after riding. I felt dull and heavy. 0, when 
 shall Zion prosper! The mass of religious pro- 
 fessors rest in the letter without the Spirit — many, 
 Very many, have not even the form of godliness. 
 If they would awake, and put their shoulders to 
 the work, how soon we should see sons and 
 daughters born unto God! I feel poor and help- 
 less. Lord, make bare Thine arm; for vain is the 
 help of man. I am blind, be Thou my sight ! 1 
 am ignorant, be Thou my wisdom ! I ana weak, 
 be Thou my strength! I am guilty, be Thou my 
 righteousness ! 0, blessed Lord Jesus ! Thou art 
 my all — to Thee will I submit — Thee will I love, 
 worship and serve. I here give Thee my whole self 
 — body, soul and spirit, for time and eternity — no 
 more than my reasonable duty. Oh ! what con- 
 descension in Thee, that Thou shouldst accept 
 such an unworthy offering. I am employed in 
 the most awful, the most glorious and important 
 work that can engage an immortal mind — an Aiii- 
 .bassador for Jesus Christ! Tremendous thousrht! 
 Who is sufficient for these things ? Our sufficien- 
 cy is of God, who can make us able ministers of 
 . the KTew Testament. 
 
 J'%,29. — Unwell in body,. but have firm confi- 
 
1817—1820. 51 
 
 dence iu God. Hode fourteen miles and preached 
 twice. Souls were blessed, and I rejoice. 
 
 •July 30. — The pain in my head continues, but 
 by the grace of God I am enabled to prosecute 
 my labors. Must preach twice to-day. Lord, 
 help ! I live by prayer and faith. I make it my 
 constant duty to pray in secret five times a day, 
 some days much oftener. Prayer is the breath of 
 the pious soul; without its constant use, no per- 
 son can maintain his religion. "We might as well 
 attempt to support natural life without food, as 
 spiritual life without faith and prayer — not as a 
 mere form, but with holy earnestness striving, 
 wrestling with the God-Man until we prevail. 0, 
 what delight it brings to the soul ! How good to 
 converse with God, through Christ Jesus, by the 
 Holy Spirit ! Lord, bless my dear, sick wife at 
 home. Be her Physician and Comforter ! 
 
 July 31. — Rode thirty miles by eleven o'clock, 
 to attend our Quarterly Meeting. The Lord was 
 with His people. Saturday and Sunday were both 
 previous days. 
 
 August 5. — Kept my bed until time for meet- 
 ing, then rose and preached ; after which formed 
 a Female Mite Society for the benefit of our su- 
 perannuated preachers. 
 
 August 6. — ^Kept my bed until two o'clock, then 
 rode seventeen miles and preached. 
 
 August 9. — Preached twice yesterday, and twice 
 to-day, besides attending to other duties, but am 
 very feeble. 
 
52 JOURNAL. 
 
 August 15. — On "Wednesday the eleventh, I caraa 
 to the house of my dear friend, N". S. I was 
 dangerously ill, and a Doctor was sent for, who 
 seemed very much alarmed ; but the disease yield- 
 ed to powerful remedies, and by the blessing of 
 God I was up again in a few days. The good 
 friends nursed me as if I had been their own son. 
 In all my affliction my mind was kept in perfect 
 peace. To-day, though feeble, preached twice, 
 and was strengthened — blessed be the Lord for 
 all His mercies ! O, how comforting when one is 
 sick, to look back on a life spent in the service of 
 God! 
 
 August 17. — With my family once more. The 
 friends were very kind during my absence. May 
 the Lord reward them a hundred-fold! 
 
 August 29. — The Holy Sabbath, blessed day! 
 It carries back the mind to the day when the 
 morning stars sang together, and the Sons of God 
 shouted for joy at the finishing of the mighty 
 work of Creation, as it stood forth in all its beauty, 
 harmony and grandeur. Also, to the more aston- 
 ishing work of Redemption, when Jesus declared 
 Himself to be the Son of God with power, by His 
 resurrection from the dead. " 'Twas great to 
 speak a world from naught, but greater to Re- 
 deem." It is also a type of the rest of faith in 
 this life, and points forward to that rest which 
 remains for the people of God in Heaven. Preach- 
 ed twice — one young woman found peace and 
 joined Society; several others promised to serve 
 
1817—1820. 53 
 
 the Lord. Our prospects on the Circuit are 
 brightening — congregations are large, and atten- 
 tive to the Word. Many of God's dear children 
 are mightily stirred to work for Christ, and many 
 sinners are awakened. 
 
 August 30. — Came home and found all well. I 
 •need as much grace to live by faith at home, as 
 when preaching. 
 
 September 3. — ^For three days have been visit- 
 ing the several neighborhoods around. Preached 
 once on Christian Perfection, from Psalms xxxvii. 
 37. Explained and enforced the doctrine. The 
 people were wide awake to the subject, and from 
 information afterward received, they were satisfied 
 it was the truth. To give one's assent to Gospel 
 truth, and yet live without feeling its power and 
 influence in the heart, and without showing forth 
 its fruit in the life, will profit us nothing. To 
 plead for sin in the heart or life, is to plead the 
 cause of hell, and to take part with the devil. 
 
 September 12. — The week .past, have attended 
 Camp-meeting. The God of Glory was with us. 
 This was the greatest Camp-meeting I ever at- 
 tended; hundreds were at one time crying for 
 mercy, and 'fell like men slain in battle. The 
 fruits of this meeting were the conversion of more 
 than three hundred souls. The flame spread in 
 every ^direction. O, what power my soul felt ! 
 
 October 6. — Full of labors, day and night : too 
 much for the body, but I present it a living sacri- 
 fice to the service of Christ. Yesterday was a. day 
 
54 JOURNAL. 
 
 of toil. In traveling through the woods, lost my 
 way and had to climb a terrible mountain, steep, 
 and full of ledges of rocks, sometimes on my 
 hands and knees, leading my horse. How the 
 creature reached the top, I can hardly tell, though 
 "Kate" is the best horse I ever knew. The good 
 Providence of God was over us, and about seven 
 o'clock in the evening I came to a settlement. 
 
 October 8. — Preached from 1 Thess. iv. 2. God 
 owned and. blessed His word to the people, who 
 groaned for sanctifying love. I think the work 
 of sanctification is reviving among Christians. 
 When believers are in full stretch for holiness, 
 look out for a work of God in all its branches. 
 
 October 11. — Sweet day. Spoke for God three 
 times, besides riding a number of miles. My soul 
 was happy — believers shouted for joy, and sinners 
 wept for sin. The God of Israel is reviving His 
 work. Glory to His Holy Name ! 
 
 October 19. — Just returned from our Quarterly 
 Meeting. 0, what a time of power! On Satur- 
 day, sinners trembled while saints rejoiced. The 
 Lovefeast on Sunday was like Heaven. The 
 brethren spoke with life, and the Lord filled the 
 house with glory. The morning service was glo- 
 rious and awful, twenty-two came around the 
 altar for prayers — the mother and the daughter 
 were there side by side. 
 
 October 25. — ^This was a high day of the Lord's 
 power. He is raining righteousness upon the peo- 
 
1817—1820. 55 
 
 pie. Many are under deep conviction for sin, and 
 groaning for deliverance. 
 
 November 1. — Yesterday and the day before 
 were days of great power and joy. Though the 
 labor was hard, the Lord supported me, enabling 
 me to preach twice on Saturday and the Sabbath 
 — attend Lovefeast, administer Baptism and the 
 Lord's Supper. Glory to God, for such seasons 
 of refreshing! 
 
 November 15. — During the past week have trav- 
 eled much, and preached seven times. This even- 
 ing heard a Baptist preach. I thought there was 
 much confusion and corruption in 'his discourse, 
 and felt it my duty to ask him, before the people, 
 for an explanation, which he reluctantly attempt- 
 ed to give; but after all, seemed rather ashamed 
 of his attempt, and left it to his deacon to finish, 
 Avho soon thought it time to go home. I fear the 
 good work may be blasted in its beginning by the 
 determined opposition of other denominations. 
 If they were fair and open in their opposition, I 
 would not complain; but there appears so much 
 duj)licity, if not hypocrisy, in their proceedings, 
 that charity will hardly cover them. 
 
 November 27. — This morning had a short debate 
 with a Calvinist. I found him an inconsistent, 
 self-contradictory predestinarian. At first he said 
 he understood the doctrines well, but after a while 
 confessed he could not explain them. I thought 
 so, too, and soon left him to go on my way. 0, 
 to what absurdities does error drive men ! Holy 
 
56 JOURNAL. 
 
 Spirit, be Thou my liglit, that I may be led into 
 all truth, and not come into condemnation ! 
 
 Novemher 29. — I feel this day that I hate sin, 
 and the very appearance of evil. Though sorely 
 tempted, I have had strength from God to resist 
 the fiery darts of Satan. I realize that tempta- 
 tion is not sin : " resist the devil, and he will flee 
 from you" — " dravi^ nigh unto God, and He will 
 draw nigh unto you." 
 
 December 9. — For some time past have preached 
 nearly every day — some days twice and thrice. I 
 firmly believe were I more holy, more lost in God, 
 taore filled with heavenly love, I should be more 
 useful. Oh ! if I do not awake, I fear the blood 
 of souls will be found on my garments. O Lord 
 God, hear my cry — have mercy on Thy poor, 
 helpless servant ! Let this desire of my heart be 
 granted for Jesus' sake. Sanctify me throughout 
 — body, soul, and spirit, and fill me with Thy 
 perfect love. 
 
 December 13. — ^Left home for a long tour. I 
 have some sense of my unworthiness — self must 
 be abased — man must lie in the dust. " Be clothed 
 with humility^" In controversy we cannot guard 
 too strictly against self and bitter feelings. It will 
 not do to defend a good cause in a bad spirit. "We 
 must be meek and lowly — "wise as serpents, 
 harmless as doves." 
 
 December 17. — Yesterday preached twice. In 
 the evening twenty-three persons under awaken- 
 ings, remained in Class. This evening I heard a 
 
1817—1820. 57 
 
 sermon from a Calvinistic preacher. The people 
 here, say that " he has the people in a Presbyter- 
 ian pot, and stirs them with a Methodist stick !" 
 I rather think if it were not for the Methodist 
 stick they would do very little stirring. If souls 
 are converted — ^persevere unto death and reach 
 Heaven, I rejoice, Ifet who will be the instrument. 
 ' Let the Lord send by whom He will send : to 
 Him be all the glory. I staid with a Baptist 
 friend, and had a very pleasant visit. 
 
 December 20. — ^But little time for study and 
 mental improvement. Without constant Divine 
 aid I shall fall. How much grace, knowledge, 
 and prudence are necessary for a minister; espe- 
 cially for an itinerant who is preaching once and 
 twice every day. In the evening preached from 
 Matthew xx. 16, to a house full of people. This 
 was a new place — many had never before heard a 
 Methodist preacher, and it so happened that I 
 took the same text that a Presbj'terian had taken 
 only the night before. He preached Calvinism, 
 and the people were displeased. "When, they 
 heard me explain it, they appeared much gratified, 
 and I trust were profited. I find the people gen- 
 erally like our doctrines, if we do controvert 
 theirs, and show the blackness of reprobation. 
 Some, however, look upon us with great suspi- 
 cion, as deceivers, and shut their houses and 
 school-houses against us. The Lord forgive them, 
 and open their eyes to see. I can and will love 
 them; and, by the grace of God assisting me, 
 
58 JOURNAL. 
 
 will go on preacliiiig Christ, whether they will 
 hear or forbear. Duty is my business — the event 
 is with the Lord. 
 
 December 25. — Have been sick for several days, 
 and in consequence, have missed four appoint- 
 ments. This gives me pain, for one disappoint- 
 ment does much harm." 
 
 December 31. — For the last few days have! spoken 
 once or twice a day — riding against the north-west 
 wind, through storms and banks of snow. The 
 Lord has been my support. My health improves 
 wonderfully; so I thank God, and take courage. 
 
1820-1821. 
 
 A Retrospect, and Self-Dedication. — Synopsis of n. Sermon on 
 the Doctrine of Election. — " How can I Teach Others what I 
 know not Myself ?"^A Severe Conflict.— The Old Fatalist.— 
 Superannuated Preachers, and the Missionary Cause. — " Hush, my 
 Soul, Persevere, be Patient."— Mourning over the Sins of the 
 ■People. — Satisfaction in the Performance of Duty. — Error Refuted. 
 — Conference in New York City.— Sudden Hlness. — Kind Friends. 
 —The Work on Windsor Circuit. — A Defender of the Truth. — Re- 
 markable Results of a Camp-Meeting, — Labors ; Trials ; Triumphs 
 — Not Idle at Home. — Utility of Family Prayer-Meetings. — Sin. 
 ners coming to Christ.— Final Perseverance of the Saints. — The 
 Ninth of Romans. — Reasons for Reading the Westminster Confes- 
 sion of Faith to the People. — Arguments on the Doctrine of Gen- 
 eral Redemption. 
 
 plANTJARY, 1820. — I commence this year 
 with pain of body, and a degree of pressure 
 of mind. This is not witliout cause : un- 
 faithfuhiess during the past year, my present lack 
 of inward holiness, the want of activity and zeal 
 in the discharge of duty — these, with some other 
 painful reflections, make me grieve. Still my 
 heart is fixed on the service of God in Christ Jesus - 
 — whose I am, and in whom I live and have my 
 being. To Ilim I desire now to dedicate myself 
 anew, with all I am and have ; and resolve to en- 
 gage more heartily in seeking, living, and preach- 
 ing holiness. 0, that my gracious God, my only 
 Advocate, would forgive the past, and renew my 
 whole soul in the image of Him who created me ; 
 
60 JOUKNAL. 
 
 and I do here covenant to serve Ilim with my 
 whole life. Amen. 
 
 February 5. — Preached almost every day for a 
 month past — generally twice a day; sometimes 
 three times. Have had sweet seasons — have seen 
 some souls converted to God, and many of the 
 Church greatly encouraged. When I preach 
 holiness with all my heart, through faith in the 
 blood of Jesus, the Lord blesses both my own 
 soul and the souls of the people. It is His truth 
 — He will bless His own word. 
 
 February 7. — Yesterday was a day of labor. 
 Preached three times — twice on the Doctrine of 
 Election, from 1 Peter i. 2. 
 
 I. Explained the Scriptural Doctrine of Elec- 
 tion : — 1, Of particular persons to fill certain of- 
 fices : 2, National Election — this, the golden key 
 to unlock the 9th chapter of Komans : 8, The 
 Election of Character : 4, The Election to Glory. 
 
 H. Pointed out the difference between the 
 Scriptural doctrine and the Calvinistic doctrine 
 of Election. God owned His word. 
 
 This is a stormy day. My horse being lame, 
 I tarried at home, and found that company inter- 
 rupted my studies and devotions. How much 
 watchfulness and prayer is. needed to live close 
 with God ! 
 
 February 10. — A tremendous snow-storm, but 
 succeeded in reaching my appointment — no meet- 
 ing, the snow too deep for the people to come. I 
 find more grace is wanting ; but on close examin- 
 
18,20—1821. 61 
 
 ation realize that I do love God more than houses 
 or lands, brothers or sisters, father or mother, wife 
 or children : yet when I look into the Gospel ful- 
 ness, I see lengthy, breadths and heights of relig- 
 ion which I iiave not attained. How can I teach 
 others what I know not myself? Religion is an 
 experimental verity, and no man can teach it to 
 others unless he has it himself: it will be the 
 "blind leading the blind." 
 
 February 11. — The snow is very deep, my horse 
 is lame, and I had to leave her. Sometimes I 
 travel on foot — sometimes <;atch a ride, and some- 
 times my friends carry me. The Lord reward 
 them for their kindness. I mourn more for the 
 coldness of the Church than the coldness of the 
 weather. Thank God for the good that has been 
 done; but my soul has groaned, ever since I have 
 been on this Circuit, for a general outpouring of 
 the Spirit, and I expect it yet. 
 
 March 13. — Preached yesterday in the afternoon 
 to a few loving souls. In the evening heard Mr. 
 D. preach from Romans viii. 18. He told us much 
 about the wickedness of believers, but did not 
 point out anyway of deliverance until death should 
 come to do the work. It seemed to me this was 
 daubing with untempered. mortar!. Does not the 
 blood, of Jesus cleanse from all sin ? Shall Deatli 
 have the glory of putting the finishing touch to 
 the great work of Salvation ? I am now comfort- 
 ably situated with Bro. J. O. a godly family; but 
 0, how stupid I feel ! 
 
62 JOURNAL. 
 
 Illju body, and weighed down- in spirit, Satan 
 thrusts sorely at rae ; but the Lord stands by me, 
 and through Him I overcome. I have a comfort- 
 able room to myself. Here I. .can study — an em- 
 ployment I love, but for which I have little time 
 and few conveniences. Yet I need it much. Some- 
 times I have such a sense of my lack of human 
 learning, which is so essential to a right under- 
 standing, ai)d successful preaching of the Word of 
 God, that I am strongly tempted to desist from 
 preaching, and locate. At times my mind is 
 awfully distressed — then again I think God has 
 called me to this work, my brethren here give 
 their sanction to this call, the Ijord has blessed me 
 in it, and hundreds of souls have been converted. 
 After all — am I mistaken ? Am 1 deceived '* Have 
 I run without being sent? What an awful thing 
 to enter the Gospel ministry without being called 
 by God ! Query — Would God call any man to this 
 great work, without qualifying him for it? Is 
 human learning a necessary qualification? 1 lack 
 this ; therefore have 1 been deceived with respect 
 to my call to the ministry? What shall I do? T 
 would not, for my life, willingly err in this impor- 
 tant matter 1 will fly to the Throne of Grace. 
 0' God of Truth, show me Thy will, and I am 
 ready, I think, to do it. Thou canst not require 
 two things in direct opposition to each other of 
 thy poor servant. ]5' it is Thy will that I should 
 stop, 0, let me know it ! If it is Thy will that I 
 should continue, Thy will be done. I seek not 
 
1820—1821. 63 
 
 mj' own honor, ease, nor wealth ; but Thy glory, 
 and the good of others. Help, Lord, in this 
 time of sore trial ! 
 
 After full consideration of the whole subject-I 
 am firmly persuaded that God has called me, by 
 the Holy Spirit, to preach the Gospel. Learning 
 or no learning, then, T will, by the grace of God, 
 go on. Let me be the least among the brethren 
 if 1 can be useful. 
 
 March 24. — Preached twice — in the evening, to 
 a crowded house, from Isaiah i. 18, on the govern- 
 ment of God, in opposition to the view of Predes- 
 tinarians — had liberty in speaking One old fatal- 
 ist said I had pleaded like a lawyer, and made the 
 subject clear and plain; yet he would persist in 
 asserting that God does everything — good and bad. 
 So true it is that the " god of this world blinds 
 the minds of those that believe not, lest the light 
 of the glorious Gospel of Christ should shine into 
 their hearts." How hard to relinquish a favorite 
 notion^ even when convinced that it is wrong. 
 
 March 27 — After preaching twice, rode twelve 
 miles to see my family, and remained with them 
 two days ; then spent two days in forming Societies' 
 for the purpose of raising money to relieve the 
 wants of our superannuated preachers, and help 
 forward the blessed Missionary Cause — a cause 
 which delights my heart. I pray for its prosperity. 
 
 April 6. — How I long to see the work of God 
 revive ; to this end I direct all my studies ; for this 
 I labor both day and night. When, 0, when shall 
 
64 JOrjRNAL. 
 
 Truth prevail in the land ! 0, Lord God of Ilosta, 
 stretch forth Thine arm to save poor sinners ! Fill 
 my heart with holy love and zeal ! 
 
 April 9. — The good Lord helped His poor serv- 
 ant, and the Word wm with power and demon- 
 stration of the Spirit. After preaching three times, 
 retired about midnight in peace of mind, but too 
 weary to sleep. 
 
 Ajpril 10. — Returned to my family. My dear 
 wife is in a feeble state of health, but the Lord is 
 our help; we will put our trust in Him, and go on. 
 Several things transpired this week by which I 
 lost ground. I prayed and cried to the Lord, and 
 found Him near to help me. 
 
 April 16. — I spoke plain, pointed words, and hope 
 for fruit. I think the word reached the hearts of 
 the hearers. 0, for a revival of the work in these 
 parts. "We hear of it all around us ; when will it 
 visit l^ew Windsor Circuit ? I mourn, weep, pray, 
 preach, and endeavor to be faithful in private, per- 
 sonal, and public reproof and instruction, in my 
 feeble way. I fear I am no more useful, because 
 I know no more. I am ignorant because I am too 
 indolent. I have no one to help me in my studies, 
 and it is hard work to dig out everything alone, 
 and be constantly riding and preaching. Hush, 
 my soul, persevere — be patient ! 
 
 April 20. — These are days of peculiar trial. My 
 soul mourns within me because of the inattention 
 of the people in general to religion— the indolence 
 and neglect of many who should be bright and 
 
1820—1821. 65 
 
 shining lights — the prevalence- of vice, and many 
 other things are sources of grief to any pious 
 mind; especiallyto the true minister of the Lord 
 Jesus. The cause of Truth is my cause ; the in- 
 terests of Christ are my interests. When they 
 are hurt I am hui't; when they suffer I suffer; 
 when they prosper, I rejoice. Some are feeding 
 their souls on the husks of this world's pleasures ; 
 some are wallowing in the mire of sensuality; 
 others are lolling in ease and self-indulgence. A 
 few make God their portion, and seek Heaven as 
 their home. Happy few! But all are going to 
 the Bar of God to Judgment. "What a day that 
 will be, when all nations shall stand before^ the 
 Throne of Christ, the Eternal Judge. Some will 
 be raised to Glory — all the rest thrust down to 
 Hell! 
 
 April 24. — Returned home. My wife is feeble 
 — it is a great trial for me to leave her so much. 
 Lord, Thy will be done! Give us grace to suhmit 
 cheerfully to all Thy righteous will in this world, 
 that at the last we may have a rest with Thy peo- 
 ple, and an inheritance with them who are sanc- 
 tified. 
 
 May 16. — Stormy — but being resolved on duty, 
 which is the only path of safety, I pushed forward 
 and rode through the rain to my appointment. 
 No people — what of that? My duty is one thing, 
 the duty of the people is another. We, had pray- 
 ers with the family — ^Jesus was precious; but I 
 found that too much talk was unprofitable. Lord, 
 
66 , JOURNAL. 
 
 help me to tame my tongue; keep my thoughts 
 on God, and have my conversation in Heaven. 
 
 May 21. — Preached three times, and heard a 
 Presbyterian preach at five o'clock. He taught 
 the people that God governs men by the same 
 laws, and according to the same principles, that 
 He controls the sun, moon, earth, and all material 
 things. If so, where, then, is man's responsibili- 
 ty? To me such a doctrine appears repugnant to 
 reason, to Scripture, and irreconcilable with a day 
 of future judgment: for if man is not a free 
 agent, and governed by moral laws, he cannot be 
 capable of either virtue or vice; and therefore is 
 not accountable any more than the water-wheel 
 which turns by the irresistible force of the water. 
 
 June 1. — Attended the Conference held in the 
 City of Ifew-York. We had a loving, harmoni- 
 ous session. Received my appointment to 'Sew 
 Windsor Circuit again. During my passage up 
 the Hudson river, on my way home, was violently 
 attacked with Cholera-morbus, and came near 
 dying for want of help. I was landed at New 
 Windsor insensible, in which condition I remained 
 several days. By the blessing of kind friends, a 
 good physician, and the mercy of God, I revived, 
 and found myself at a public-house kept by a 
 Presbyterian friend. They were as kind to my 
 wife and me as though we had been their own 
 children. Neither they nor the Doctor would ac- 
 cept one farthing for all their kindness and trouble. 
 I can never forget their work of Christian love. 
 
1820—1821, 67 
 
 May the Lord reward them in the day of the Lord 
 Jesus ! I find afiiictions to be mercies in disguise • 
 " Behind a frowning J'rovidence, He hides a smil- 
 ing face." As soon as I could be removed I was 
 taken to the house of an old friend, where I staid 
 until I was able to go home. 
 
 June 21. — ^Began my labors last Sabbath. 
 Though very feeble preached twice. The Lord 
 has commenced a powerful work. It is supposed 
 that from one to two hundred are under awaken-, 
 ings. 
 
 June 28. — Traveled part of the way to my ap- 
 pointment. Being too feeble to go on, had to stop,; 
 and remain all night. It grieves me to disappoint 
 a congregation. 
 
 July 25. — Preached .twice, but I fear with little 
 effect. We have great opposition in this place 
 from our Presbyterian brethren. Their minister 
 appointed his meeting at the school-house, the 
 same time as ours. I^ow what shall be done? 
 "Why, the Lord provides ! He opened the hearts 
 of some gentlemen, who, seeing how we were 
 treated, procured for us the Free-Mason's Hall : 
 so we had a comfortable place for our meeting. 
 "When the old gentleman saw that we could get 
 along without the use of the school-house, he left 
 it and went to his church; but was careful to ap- 
 point his meeting the same night as ours : for the 
 appointments on our large Circuit were so arrang- 
 ed that we could not change the time. He knew 
 this, but I left him to his God, and his own pleas- 
 ant reflections. 
 
68 JOURNAL. 
 
 July 26. — Spent the day in study and in visiting 
 the people. In the evening preached in the Court 
 House at Goshen, from James i. 25. Defended 
 the truth against Antinomian errors, and trust 
 good, was done. There has been very little, if 
 any, preaching of Methodism in this place before. 
 
 July 31. — My little daughter has been sick, but' 
 the Lord had mercy on us, and restored her 
 to health. I give up all to Him — all I am, all I 
 have. I am bought with a price. 
 
 Staid one day with my family, and then visited 
 "Washingtonville, where the Lord is carrying on 
 a great work among the people. The remark is' 
 often made, that " the Methodists shake the bush, 
 and the Presbyterians catch the birds." They 
 resort to measures which I c^annot and will not 
 use. Speak the truth in love, and let men connect' 
 themselves where, their convictions of duty lead' 
 them. 
 
 August 4. — Preached this evening to a house 
 full of attentive hearers, from 2 Corinthians v- 
 14, 15. Two or three Calvinistic preachers were 
 present; but the Lord enabled me to speak the 
 word with power and great assurance. Eight 
 persons joined Society, and I trust the work will 
 prosper in spite of all opposition. 
 
 August 26. — Preached from Ephesians i. 9. A 
 Baptist minister, a strong Calvinist, was present ; 
 but I must not shun to declare the truth through 
 fear of man, nor to please man : so I endeavored 
 to show " the mystery of His will" that had been 
 
1820—1821. 6.9 
 
 kept hid ; also what God's predestination was, ac- 
 cording to the Scriptures, and that the Calvinistic 
 view was unscriptural — therefore false. 
 
 August 28. — Started for Camp-meeting held 
 three miles north of Newburgh village. It con- 
 tinued until Friday morning, when we reluctant- 
 ly left the place rendered dear to us by the pres- 
 ence and power of Christ. But it can never be 
 forgotten. Though there were thousands on the 
 ground, the best order prevailed. The preachers 
 and people went into the work like men of God. 
 The preaching was full of energy — convincing, 
 instructive, and Scriptural;, reaching the under- 
 standing and the heart, and was attended with 
 such power to the souls of the people as I never 
 before witnessed. Hundreds fell to the ground. 
 The scene was sublime — sometimes awful. Hun- 
 dredr, cut to th6 heart by the Sword of the Spirit, 
 cried out as in the agonies of death, for God to 
 have mercy upon them. Many a fond parent had 
 a son or daughter, or both, converted at this 
 meeting. Many praying children saw their parents - 
 converted— husbands and* wives were on their 
 knees, side by side, pleading for pardoning grace. 
 ^ov did they plead in vain. The Lord heard, sal- 
 vation came, and the poor captives were set free. 
 It was a scene awful as the Day of Judgment, yet 
 glorious as the Eesurrection Morning. I never 
 felt such power, and never preached so decidedly 
 against Calvinism. Some dislike Camp-meetings. 
 I presume the devil dislikes such as this ; but I 
 
70 JOURNAL. 
 
 tliauk God that I ever saw one. It was ascer- 
 tained that about three hundred conversions were 
 the fruits of this meeting. 
 
 September 1. — ^Preached last evening in "Wash- 
 ingtonville. The Lord was with us in power. In 
 the Ciass-meeting six persons gave in tlieir ex- 
 perience as having been converted at the Camp- 
 meeting. In the past ten days have traveled 
 much, preached eleven sermons, admitted twenty- 
 four persons into Class. May the flame spread 
 around the Circuit ! This is what we have long, 
 prayed for. 
 
 September 30. — ^Preached in a Factory to a good- 
 ly number, from. Eph. iii. 8, but felt-^hut up — no 
 liberty of soul. These are times of trial, but 
 necessary. The Lord hides our usefulness from us 
 now, that the good done may appear'what it really, 
 is ; to be of Him, not of us. 
 
 October 3. — Have preached seven times this 
 week. This evening God was with us, though 
 it rained all day;, thank God, light shone — truth 
 -ti'iumphed, Satan roared, his kingdom trembled : 
 I hope to see it fall. 
 
 October 4. — Still rainy and very^ dark at night ; 
 but I preached to a few from 1 John iv. 1. Que 
 poor bigot ran off. Nothing cuts so deep as 
 truth. Those who cannot endure sound argu- 
 ment get mad and run ; but there is a day coming 
 from which they cannot escape. 
 
 November 21. — The first day of this month God 
 gave us another daughter. Por some days we 
 
1820—1821. 71 
 
 despaired of tlie life of the dear mother. It was 
 a time of severe trial. I thought if the Lord 
 should take away my good partner, what shall 1 
 do if left with three little children? Even the 
 thought was no small trial of faith. But the Lord 
 had mercy on her, and on ns all, and raisedTier to 
 the enjoyment of tolerable health. While at 
 home I was not idle. The Lord was pleased to 
 own my labors, and poured His Holy Spirit upon 
 the people; several sinners were converted, and 
 a general reformation has followed throughout 
 our neighborhood. The little Society has already 
 grown from four to twent^'-seven members. In 
 the evening preached a sermon on the doctrine ot 
 Election, about wh^ch there is no small stir just 
 at this time. God owned His word to the comfort 
 of His sincere people. One woman, especially, 
 who had been for three weeks so troubled on the 
 subject that she could scarcely eat, sleep, or work, 
 and had well nigh lost her reason, was greatly 
 blessed. In the midst of the discourse God shined 
 into her soul; it was at once set at liberty, and 
 ishe could bless and praise God for Redeeming love, 
 I rejoice that truth does and will prevail ; but 
 its enemies do foam and roar like a storm against 
 me. "Why should they, if God has fore-ordained 
 whatsoever comes to pass ? "Was not my preach- 
 ing in the decree ? I do .not love controversy for 
 its own sake ; but I am willing to bear the cross 
 for the sake of truth — to forfeit a good name and 
 popularity, if so be that the cause of God is luiilt 
 
72 JOURNAL. 
 
 up, and souls^ saved from death. If they would 
 come out and preach their own doctrine plainly 
 to the people, as it is expressed in their books, 
 they would save me the trouble of doing it. But 
 they do not, I am sorry to say what seems to 
 question their sincerity. 
 
 October 22. — I have found from experience the 
 great utility of family prayer-meetings, and I would 
 advise, where there are four or five in a family, to 
 meet once or twice a week for this purpose, and 
 let each one professing faith in Christ, pray, God 
 will own and bless. "We live with another family 
 who have a large number of slaves, many of whom 
 have been converted in the family prayer-meetings. 
 
 October 23.— Preached to a crowded house. God 
 was with ,us. The work is progressing, and the 
 prospect is truly glorious, I fpel humbled under 
 a sense of the goodness of God to me, 0, how I 
 do rejoice to see sinners come home to Christ! 
 Ride on, Thou matchless Jesus, subdue Thy foes, 
 and establish. Thine own Kingdom of peace and 
 love ! 
 
 I December 4. — Last Sabbath rode twenty-three 
 miles, preached three times, met three Classes, 
 and admitted four into Society, To-day preached 
 on the final perseverance of the saints, and en- 
 deavored to show it was possible for* a good man 
 to depart from the faith, lose his gracious state, 
 and perish forever. Arguments were drawn from 
 the fact of man's being a probationer and pos- 
 sessed of free-will — the exhortations and warnings 
 
1820—1821. 73 
 
 ad Iressed to believers in tlie Bible : the promises 
 being made to character, and not to persons, there- 
 fore conditional — from vario,us examples as, the 
 Devil, Adam, Saul. Solomon, Judas, &c. — from 
 plain Scripture proofs, and from the immutability 
 of God. 
 
 December 28. — Stormy, but many came out, to 
 whom I lectured on the 9th of Romans. Several 
 declared that they received more light than they 
 ever had before, on that apparently dark chapter, 
 and controverted subject. After meeting rode 
 twelve miles through the storm to see my family. 
 
 Controversy runs high in this age and place : 
 when it will end, or what may be the result, Infi- 
 nite Wisdom only knows. I most devoutly wish 
 that the Lord's truth may prevail and finally tri- 
 umph. I desire to exercise all long-suffering and 
 good-will towards those whom I think mistaken 
 in their views ; but while I abhor what I consider 
 error, I admire honesty and fair dealing. ■ I can 
 have full charity for a man who differs from me in 
 opinion, when he is frank and open in his opposi- 
 tion; but this shuffling and seeking concealment 
 I cannot endure, and must meet it with opposition 
 and exposure. 
 
 December 31. — ^Preached in the morning from 
 E.ev. vi. 17; and then read the "Westminster Con- 
 fession of Faith to the people, for the following 
 reasons. 1. The Calvinists themselves will not 
 do it. 2. They frequently deny to the people that 
 they have any such book, or hold any such doc- 
 
74 JOURNAL. 
 
 trines. 3. They frequently charge us with mis- 
 representing their doctrines. 4. I wish to let the 
 people hear and judge for tliemselves. 
 
 This being New Year's Eve, I rode about eight 
 miles and attended "Watch-night, which lasted 
 until nearly two o'clock the next morning. The 
 exercises commenced with a sermon from Bro. 
 
 L on Mark xiii. 33. I followed with a short 
 
 discourse from 1 Cor. viii. 29. A prayer-meeting 
 succeeded, which was lively and powerful. We 
 then commenced the JSTew Year with a kind of 
 Lovefeast, when as many as j)leased, spoke of the 
 dealings of God to their souls. It is judged there 
 were present three hundred persons. I trust many 
 will remember this meeting to their comfort in 
 the Eternal World. 
 
 A FEW ARGUMENTS AND SCRIPTURE PROOFS ON THE 
 SUBJECT OF GENERAL REDEMPTION. 
 
 I consider that this subject is of the first impor- 
 tance to every soul of man. If all are not redeemed, 
 I ask, who are? what number of men? Unless 
 these questions can be answered the minister may 
 be mistaken, and offer salvation to those for whom 
 God never designed it. Every minister may say, 
 perhaps all of my parish or town are the objects 
 of God's mercy in Christ Jesus; therefore he feels 
 authorized to offfr salvatioii to them : but may we 
 not reply "(if partial redemption be true) perhaps 
 none of your parish or town are included. Sup- 
 pose we grant to every minister his claim, would 
 not this make out a general atonement? 
 
1820—1821. 75 
 
 It may be said the heathen are those not era- 
 braced ill God's covenant of mercy. If it be so, 
 why then send Missionaries among them ? It is 
 preposterous to offer salvation to those not re- 
 deemed by Christ: we might as well offer it to 
 devils, and with the same success. ■ 
 
 IsTow suppose that Christ died for only a portion 
 of the human family; i. e. for the elect, and all 
 those for whom He died must and will be saved; 
 most certainly those for whom He never tasted 
 death, must be lost forever. Now, of what avail 
 is preaching, according to this doctrine ? I should 
 think as the old negro did: " Me no see which is 
 the biggest fool, de devil or de minister. De 
 minister he try to get some away from the devil, 
 and de devil he try to get some away from Christ; 
 but neither can get any from each other, for God 
 has given de devil all he can have, and he shall 
 lose none — and to Christ all He shall have : poor 
 devil cannot get one of them away." 
 
 Does not this doctrine tempt men to be careless 
 and inattentive to their eternal interests ? They 
 conclude : " If I am to be saved I shall be, do what 
 I will ; and if I am to be lost I shall be, do what 
 I can." Whatever may be said to the contrary, 
 this is a fair and just conclusion drawn from the 
 premises, which cannot be successfully denied. 
 
 Again — would not a preacher be exceedingly 
 cramped, if he were to stick close to his theory of 
 partial redemption ? "Would he not be under the 
 necessity of telling his people that he could offer 
 
7G JOURNAL. 
 
 Christ only to tlie elect, and would not many be 
 tempted to stay at home, saying, " I will attend 
 church no more, but will take all the comfort else- 
 where that J can ? " 
 
 But, allowing that Christ has died for all men, 
 and thereby made salvation possible, to all, (for this 
 is what I wish to be understood by general re- 
 demption), tiie preacher has firm ground on which 
 to stand and warn sinners to flee from the M'rath 
 to come. " Turn ye, turn ye, for why will ye die." 
 Here is an inexhaustible source from whence to 
 draw his arguments: the infinite love of God, the 
 fountain of Christ's blood poured out for their re- 
 demption — here he has full scope for invitation 
 and warning. Oh this ground sinners are left 
 without excuse. The way being open, nothing 
 now hinders their salvation but their own obsti- 
 nacy. 
 
 My first arguTnent is drawn from this couBidera- 
 tion : that Adam, both before and after the fall, 
 was the representative of all mankind. ISTow, as 
 Adam stood the representative of all mankind, in 
 consequence of his disobedience all were " made 
 sinners" in him. Because he transgressed the 
 Divine prohibition, himself and all his posterity 
 (then in his loins) were brought under condemna- 
 tion, as we find in Rom. v. 18. Here we see that 
 by the judgment of God, all were condemned for 
 one man's offence. Now this condemnation was 
 not personal, but in Adam : he was the personal 
 transgressor, we were only seminal transgressors. 
 
1320—1821. 77 
 
 God made promise of mercy to Adam, while he 
 stood the representative of all men, in these 
 words : "The seed of the woman;^ &c." This was 
 made to him as the head of the whole human 
 family, and embraced all whom he represented. 
 If it be said that the promise was made to none 
 but those elected to be God's spiritual seed; I ask 
 in what part of the Bible is the promise restricted 
 to the elect ? 
 
 St. Paul, (after showing us that , all were con- 
 demned because of one man's offence) says, Rom. 
 V. 18, "Even so, by the righteousness of one 
 (Ghi'ist), the. free gift came upon all men, unto 
 justification of life." Obsei-ve, it says, "all men," 
 not all the elect. Are not reprobates men ? If it 
 can be proven that they are not men, but some 
 other kind of being, that will alter the case mate- 
 rially. If this cannot be done, then we must un- 
 derstand that the "free gift" has come upon all, 
 sinners and reprobates ; for it came upon all men. 
 
 Here observe, the plaster is made as large as the 
 wound. Adam had sinned, and all his posterity 
 were judicially condemned; but God, through 
 the plenitude of His mercy, provided a Substitute, 
 a Eemedy (Jesus), the "-free gift." It originated 
 wholly in God. His own bve moved Him to give 
 His Son to die for lost men. Men had nothing, 
 and deserved nothing but eternal death — it is all 
 a "free gift" from God. 
 
 We are also informed by St. Paul, that this 
 "free gift came upon all men to justification of 
 
78 JOTJKNAL. 
 
 life." What justification is this ? N'ot personal 
 — from our actual sins, certainly. But the text 
 has some meaning. What is it ? Let us in the 
 first place ascertain the meaning of the term Justi- 
 fication. It means a " defence," a "vindication," 
 " to absolve, to clear, to acquit of a crime." 
 
 !N"ow, what is the crime or charge ? Why, man 
 has transgressed the law of God, and fallen under 
 condemnation. ISTow, observe that " by the right- 
 eousness of one " (Christ) ; i. e. by the atonement 
 made to Divine Justice by the death of Jesus 
 Christ, all men are justified, absolved or discharg- 
 ed from the. condemnation incurred in conseauence 
 of Adam's sin, so that now no man is personally 
 guilty, merely for this sin. 
 
 It may be said that this way of handling the 
 subject destroys the doctrine of depravity. By no 
 means. We know that an individual who has re- 
 ceived personal justification from all of his actual 
 sins, feels frequently the effects of those sins in a 
 ruined constitution, a family reduced to poverty, 
 and powerful temptations and trials, in conse- 
 quence of bad habits long persisted in, &c. But 
 after his justification he feels no condemnation for 
 his past sins ; and if he stands fast in the faith by 
 walking close with God, he shall not come into 
 condemnation. 
 
 So we feel the effects of original sin — sickness, 
 pain, death, and the coiTuption of our nature, 
 which is very far gone from original righteous- 
 ness, and inclined to evil continually. Yet we are 
 .not condemned for this. 
 
1820—1821. 79 
 
 If we live to the age of accountability, and do 
 not seek to have our hearts washed from their de- 
 filement by faith in Christ, but neglect the means 
 of grace and the offers of salvation ; then we be- 
 come guilty, and in effect approve of Adam's sin, 
 and transfer his guilt to ourselves : or, we are as 
 guilty for our neglect and infidelity as he was for 
 his personal offence. 
 
 This justification by the "free gift" of Christ, 
 is to " life " initial, or the beginning of life. All 
 men are thus restored to a probationary state, and 
 have the privilege of embracing salvation as offered 
 under tl^e new covenant. Glory to God for His 
 love to- lost and wretched man ! 
 
 In the, above Text and Argument we have pre- 
 sented two representations of dH rnen: the one 
 (Adam,) represents us in the transgression and 
 fell; the other (Christ,) represents us in redemp- 
 tion, and the covenant of mercy made with the 
 fi rst man. Adam represents us in a natural sense, 
 Christ Jesus in a spiritual sense. Christ as fully 
 represents all mm in-redemption, as Adam did in 
 the fall. Therefore, if all died in him, Christ 
 Jesus has died for all men. Let who can, prove to 
 the contrary. 
 
 Second Argummt. — ^Every man's pergonal exis- 
 tence is a proof t^at Jesus tasted death for Mm. 
 Had not Christ died, or had not God entered into 
 a covenant of mercy with man, Adam (according 
 to his Maker's threatening) must have been cut off 
 as, and when he sinned ; and the human family, 
 
80 . JOURNAL. 
 
 tlien in_liis loins, must have perished with him ; 
 for the Divine threatening was, " In the day thou 
 eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." According 
 to this sentence none tould have a personal exis- 
 tence but those for whom Christ died, and whom 
 He redeemed from the original curse. 
 
 Our original creation, in Adam as our federal 
 head, we o\\ e to God's goodness as our Creator and 
 Father ; and here was the proper and only foun- 
 dation of moral obligation on the part of Adam. 
 
 "We owe, therefore, our very existence to the 
 mercy of God as our Redeemer, in the unspeak- 
 able gift of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. 
 ' Here is a strong argument why men should not 
 serve themselves, but their Redeemer, who bought 
 them with His blood. To Him be Glory both now* 
 and forever! Three persons in one God — ^Father, 
 Son, and Holy Ghost. Let all that have breath 
 praise Him ! Amen, and Amen. 
 
 Third Argument. — Another proof that Christ has 
 atoned for aU men by His death on the cross, and 
 also intercedes for them all in the Court of Heaven, 
 is the continuation of our personal existence upon 
 earth ; for it is most certain that no sinner could 
 stand, were it not for the mediation of Jesus at the 
 right hand of God. 
 
 But can we suppose that He would intercede 
 for those for whom He never tasted death ? Could 
 He? "Would not Divine Justice cut the rebel 
 down the very moment he transgressed the Law, 
 or rebelled against the Divine Government? But 
 
1820—1821. 81 
 
 we see men on every side of us, dail^'^ offend God. 
 Blasphemy stalks abroad in daylight; infidelity 
 and neglect of the ordinances of the Lord's house 
 are general; sin against God is universal; yet the 
 sinner is spared year after year — the deserved 
 blow of Divine Justice is suspended, and God's 
 long suffering continued. 
 
 Why is this? I can give no more reasonable 
 answer than this : Christ has died ; God's mercy 
 is exercised towards sinners for Christ's sake; on 
 His account He "will have all men to be saved, 
 and come to the knowledge of the truth." " For 
 God hath concluded them all in unbelief, that He 
 might have mercy upon all." 1 Tim. ii. 2, 4; 
 Rom. ix. 32. 
 
 The Fourth Argument is founded on the relation 
 which God sustains to His creatures, as Cteator, 
 Father and Preserver. As Father of the whole 
 human family, which of His children could He 
 have suffered to come into the world without the 
 possibilitj' of being happy? Which of them does 
 He desire to suffer the pains of Eternal death? 
 Answer, ye tender parents who have children 
 under your fostering care — which of you could 
 wilfully and with design, withhold the food neces- 
 sary for the support of any one of your children ? 
 In their early years, when wholly dependent on 
 your mercy, would you suffer them to starve to 
 death in your sight? Do you shrink with horror 
 at the thought? 
 
 Which of His creatures could the all-merciful 
 
82 JOURNAL. 
 
 and most benevolent Father of all Spirits have 
 destined, to eternal pain? Not one! To assert 
 the contrary, is to impeach the Divine character. 
 Oh, my blessed Lord, open the eyes of men to see 
 Thytruth as it is in Jesus ! 
 
 We will now see what the Scriptures say on 
 the subject. "With the candid, the Word of God 
 will have its full weight. My word is nothing, 
 nor any other man's, unless we speak according to 
 the Scriptures. Therefore, " let God be true, and 
 every man (who contradicts Him,) a liar." 
 
 I shall produce only a few of the many passages 
 that relate to this subject. The Holy Spirit, seeing 
 it to be of the, utmost importance to the salvation 
 of a lost world, has made it plain to every sincere 
 seeker- after truth and salvation: though some 
 have wrested it to their own destruction, as they 
 do the other Scriptures. 
 
 The first Scripture which I produce is Isaiah liii. 
 6, 11, 12. "AH we like sheep," &c. The 6th. 
 verse it is supposed refers to the Jews — "we have 
 all gone astray," &c., and the 11th and 12 verses 
 to the Gentiles. " By His knowledge i. e. by His 
 being made hnoivn as Christ crudjkd among the Gen- 
 tiles, He shall justify many, (the Gentiles) for He 
 shall (also) bear their offences as well as ours, the 
 Jews," verse 4. Verse 12, "Because he hath poured 
 out His soul unto death, and He bore the sin of 
 MANY " (the Gentiles.) 
 
 We see in this chapter both Jews and Gentiles 
 under sin, and Jesus pouring out His soul for, and 
 bearing the iniquity of them all. 
 
1820—1821. 83 
 
 The second Scripture is St. John's Gospel, i. 29. 
 " Behold the Lamb," &c. Here Jesus is compared 
 to the Paschal Lamb offered under the Lav« — • 
 probably there is an allusion to the scape-goat. 
 Lev. xvi. 10, 20, 21, 22. 
 
 Observe. It declares that He (Jesus) takes away 
 the sin of the world — not sins, and it is not the sin 
 of a few, nor of the ekct, but of the world. Now, , 
 what does this mean, but that Christ Jesus shed 
 His most precious blood for all mankind, and 
 thereby took away the guilt of Adam's sin from 
 his offspring. 
 
 The third Scripture is St. John's Gospel, iii. 14- 
 18. "As Moses lifted up," &c. "For God so 
 loved the world," &c. " For God sent not His Son 
 into the world to condemn the world," &e. Here 
 it appears nesessary to give the real import of the 
 term world. In its primitive meaning the word is 
 applied to the whole system of ITature — in a re- 
 stricted sense, to the habitable globe; and by a 
 very easy metonymy of speech, all the inhabitants of 
 the earth — the whole human race. This is its mean- 
 ing in the verses just quoted. 
 
 "We hear nothing of the elect world which some 
 talk about; and, indeed, God's elect, as such, are 
 never termed the world, but quite the reverse ; for 
 Jesus Christ says to such, "I have chosen you 
 out of the world, therefore the world hateth you." 
 John vi. 19. 
 
 From the above Scriptures we learn that God 
 so loved the world oi perishing men, aK men, that 
 
84 JOURNAL. 
 
 He gave His only begotten Son a sacrifice for tliem, 
 that they might have life; " for God sent not Uia 
 S<5n into the world to condemn the world, (it was 
 already under condemnation) but that the world 
 through him might be saved" — that salvation 
 might be possible to all the world : and, as Moses 
 lifted up the serpent, that poor perishing Israelites 
 might be made whole, so how Jesus is extended 
 on the pole of the Gospel, that poor sinners, stung 
 with sin, may. be healed, and have eternal life. 
 
 The fo^irth Scripture is St. Luke's Gospel, 2-10. 
 Glorious news, straight from the Throne of God ! 
 Glory to God ! Observe, it is to all people — to every 
 individual of all nations. But'whatis the nezus.^ 
 Read Luke ii. 11, 12. Why is this good news to 
 all people, if this Saviour came to save only a part, 
 and leave the rest to perish without hope ? Sup- 
 pose that fifteen men, all equally guilty, were 
 bound in chains and shut up in a dungeon, and the 
 Governor of this State issues a proclamation that 
 five or ten of 'them shall be released, and the others 
 left in chains; would this be good news to all the 
 fifteen ? I think not. But suppose the proclama- 
 tion gave all the prisoners the ofier of going out 
 if they chose, yet contained some secret informa- 
 tion to the jailor to keep on the, chains of a part 
 of the prisoners, and on no account to suffer them 
 toescape. "Would this, when properly understood 
 by the prisoners, be good news to all? "Would it 
 not aggravate their misery? . 
 
 Thanks be unto God, He does not treat His 
 
1820—1821. 85 
 
 creatures in this way. He is sincere in all His 
 proclamations of mercy to man, and has sent Jesus, 
 the Son of His love^ to " open the prison doors to 
 them that are bound," to bring them out of the 
 ,prison-house, and "proclaim liberty to the cap- 
 tives." 
 
 We will now receive, the joint testimony of the 
 Apostolic Epistles. 
 
 First, St. Paul; hear him. 
 
 Rom. xi. 32. " For God hath concluded them 
 all in unbelief, that He might have mercy upon 
 all." If Christ Jesus has not died for all, how can ■ 
 God show mercy to them all? Is there any other 
 way that He can exercise His mercy than that of 
 Jesus Christ t I know of none. 
 
 2 Cor. V. 14, 15. "For the love of Christ con- 
 straineth us ; because we thus judge," &c. Notice 
 here four things. 1, All were dead. 2, That one 
 (i. e. Christ) died for all who were dead. 3, The 
 obligation arising from the eonsideration that 
 " Christ died for us aU and rose again ; that we are 
 not our own,, for we are bought with a price ; there- 
 fore we should not live to ourselves but unto Him 
 who died for us. 4, The principle which con- 
 strained Paul thus-to speak — the love of Christ. 
 
 It is a conceded point among Christians, that 
 all have sinned. In the fourteenth verse St. Paul 
 takes it for granted that Christ died for all, and 
 founds the doctrine of Universal Depravity on 
 that truth. In the fifteenth verse he affirms most 
 positively that He died for all. 1 Tim. ii. 3, 4, 5. 
 
86 JOURNAL 
 
 "For this is good and acceptable in the sight 
 of God our Saviour, who will have all men to be 
 saved," &c 
 
 Observe. Jesus did not die for devils, but for 
 mm — all men. "Who, with this Scripture befor§ 
 them, can doubt for a moment that Christ died 
 for all men! But none are so blind as those who 
 will not see. The Lord give understanding! 
 
 Titus ii. 11. " For the grace of God, that bring- 
 eth salvation to all men, hath appeared." If Christ 
 had not died for- all men, could the grace of God 
 bring them salvation ? Observe — it does not say 
 all the elect, but all men. Ileb. ii. 9. " That He 
 by the grace of God should taste death for every 
 man." Observe — for every man: of course for 
 reprobates, and sinners of every class and name, 
 unless it can be shown that they are not men. 
 Second,- St. /Peter; hear him. 
 
 2 Peter iii. 9. " The Lord is not willing," &c. 
 Here, we have the will of the Lord expressly 
 stated. First — He is not willing that any sLould 
 perish. " Second — He is willing that all should 
 come to repentance. Third — This is the reason 
 He bears with sinners so long. I^ow could the Al- 
 mighty cause many men to come into the world 
 without the possibility of eternal happiness, and 
 say that He doth not will that any should perish ; 
 or could He will that all should come to repent- 
 ance, if He had not opened the gate of repentance 
 to all ? It is through the free grace of God, in the 
 gift of His Son, that the door of mercy is open to 
 
1820—1821. 87 
 
 poor lost sinners. 0, read the "Word of God with- 
 out Calvinistic spectacles, and you will see that 
 He is loving to every man, and that His tender 
 mercies are over all His works. 
 
 Third. St. John ; hear him. 
 
 1 John ii. 2. " And He (Jesus Christ) is the 
 propitiation," &e. Glorious testimony! What 
 language could be more full and explicit — "for our 
 sins," (Jews and Apostles) — also, for " the sins of 
 the whole world," (Gentiles, Sinners, Eeprobates) 
 — all may come to God through this Atonement, 
 by faith, and live. Glory to God in the Highest; 
 let Heaven and Earth ^praise Him! 
 Sx. Jude; hear him. 
 
 St. Jude i. 3. " Beloved, when I gave all dili- 
 gence to write unto you of the common salvation," 
 &c. Which all may have through faith in Christ 
 Jesus. 
 
 Was there ever a more respectable body of 
 witnesses brought to prove any one' point of doc- 
 trine? Would not this weight of evidence be 
 sufficient to decide any point, in any Court of 
 Justice ; specially, if there were no contradictory 
 evidence? I think there is none in the Bible. 
 Where does it state that Jesus died for only a part 
 of the race — or that He did not die for the whole 
 world — or that He died only for the elect? 
 
 While we have Christ, John the Baptist, the 
 Angels of God, the Apostles of our Lord, and the 
 Prophets on our side, we shall stand when tried. 
 
 I shall now add a few texts which the reader 
 
88 JOURNAL. 
 
 may consult, that will help to establish his faith 
 in God, and in His truth. Matt, xviii. 11 ; Luke 
 xix. 10; Psa. cxlv. 9, 17, 18; Ezek. xviii. 32; 
 xxxiii. 11; Eom. x. 12, 13; v. 18; viii. 31,32; 
 Ex. xxxiv. 6, 7 ; ITum. xiv. 18 ; Psa. ciii. 8 ; Neh, 
 •ix. 17; 1 Chron. xvi. 34, 41; Jon. iv. 2; John i. 
 9; Kev. xxii. 17; iii. 20; Isa. R 1, 6, 7; Mark 
 xvi. 15; Matt, xxviii. 19, 20; Luke xxiv. 47; Isa. 
 Ix. 1-5; 2 Cor. v. 20, 21; Is. Ixi. 1, 2, 3; Ixii. 1, 2; 
 Matt, xxiii. 37. Many more of similar import 
 might be brought, but I think these sufficient to 
 show that God is long-suffering, full, of mercy, 
 and unwilling that any should perish. 
 
 I will now give a Scriptural answer to a com- 
 mon objection brought against the doctrine that 
 I have endeavored to illustrate, viz. If Christ has 
 died for all men, why are not all saved ? Did God 
 act without design when He gave His Son to die 
 for men ? 
 
 . First. Did God act without design. Second. If 
 Christ died for all, why are not all saved? To 
 the first I answer: "Ifo." But what was His de- 
 sign ? 1. To give His Son a sacrifice for a lost 
 and wretched world. 2. That Jesus, by His death 
 should make .salvation possible for all men. 3. 
 That this salvation should be suspended on the 
 terms proposed in the Gospel, viz. Eepentance 
 and Faith. 4. That he that believeth shall, be 
 saved, and he that believeth not shall be damned. 
 
 To the second, I answer in Christ's words : " Ye 
 will not come unto me, that ye might have life." 
 
1820—1821. 89 
 
 Another reason is: "Because I have called, and 
 ye refused ; I have stretched out my hand, and no 
 man regarded. But ye have set at naught all My 
 counsel, and would none of My reproof: I also 
 will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when 
 your fear cometh," &c. The Book of God is full 
 of such reasons, and here is the reason why all 
 are not saved — they refuse the provision which 
 God has made, and so perish of necessity. 
 
1821-1822. 
 
 A Record of the Month of January. — "Our Song and our 
 Trust ; the Lord will provide." — Severe Snow-Storm. — " The 
 Devil Mskd." — Two Services in the Schctol- House. — Singular Case. 
 — The Work, of God in Bellvale. — Slaves Converted. — "Ilncle 
 Joe." — An Estimate of Calvinism. — " Let me oease at once to. 
 work and liye." — " Left Calvinism bleeding." — Narrow Estape 
 from Death. — How Eest-Weeks are employed. — " Through Cold, 
 and Snow, and Mud." — No Small Trial. — Constantly on tlie Wing. 
 — Conference at Troy, N. Y. — Appointed to John St. Church, New 
 York City .■»— Effects of City Life on Mind and Body. — Destructive 
 Gale. — At Camp-Meeting. — Severe Spiritual Conflicts. — EeflectioSs 
 on the Atonement. — Duane Street. — An Old" Pioneer. — A Trip 
 to Jersey. — Depressed in Spirit. — ^An Extemporized Presiding 
 Elder. 
 
 ilAJ^nJAEY 1.— This -day I wish to set out 
 afresh for Heaven. I see the great lack of 
 vital godliness among professors of religion 
 generally, andl find a great lack in iny own soul. 
 O when shall I arise and shine ! I want a heart 
 cleansed from all sin, and. a life wholly devoted to 
 Christ and the Church, 
 
 Rode about twenty miles in the cold north-west 
 wind, and preached to a housefuU of poor ignorant 
 sinners. But one of their souls is Worth more than 
 ten thousand such worlds as this,; for when this 
 earth is blotted out of being, the immortal soul will 
 live in heaven or hell. Can I do or suffer too much 
 to save one such soul, for whom Christ died ? 
 
 Wedjfiesday, 3. — ^Labored with my hands to make 
 provision for my family during my absence. A 
 
1821—1822. 91 
 
 man needs much grace and faith to leave all, and be 
 an itinerant Methodist Preacher — to have a grow- 
 ing family, and depend on the cold hand of charity 
 for their maintenance ; for many think that what 
 they pay the preacher is given away. "W^e must 
 work hard, get hut little, and not only not murmur, 
 but be content and very thankful for that little. 
 But this is our song and our trust : " The Lord will 
 provide." 
 
 Sunday, 7. — Snow fell about eighteen inches deep 
 on the level. But few have courage to pass through 
 such storms to hear preaching. I broke the roads 
 about nine miles, and arrived home almost chilled 
 through. The Lord does support 'and strengthen 
 me in a wonderful manner. 
 
 .Tuesday, 9; — ^Kode twenty-^ix miles and preached 
 from Luke i. 74, 75, to a few people who were wait- 
 ing for me. I trust some good was done, though I 
 felt dull and heavy in mind. Here is iny duty and 
 God's requirements, and I must obey, let my feel- 
 ings be what they may. If they lag behind, I must 
 lash them forward ; if they run too fast, I must hold 
 them in check. 
 
 Thursday, 11. — ^Visited to-day from house to 
 house. If a preacher would be useful he must make 
 himself acquainted with the people at their homes. 
 This is a great cross, but a great blessing will at- 
 tend it. 
 
 Sunday, 21. — Attended Quarterly Meeting on the 
 
 , Newburgh Circuit at iSTew Paltz, where they have a 
 
 neat little church. The Presiding Elder preached on 
 
92 JOURNAL. 
 
 Saturday, and two other preachers exhorted. I waa 
 called on to preach to-day to a multitude of people. 
 It was a great cross to take the place of the Presid- 
 ing Elder, when he was present ; but the Lord 
 helped me.' 
 
 Wednesday, 24l. — The cold was never known to be 
 more intense in this country. However, I went to 
 my appointment and spoke in the evening to a few 
 hearers; then rode four miles to the house of my 
 good friend, N, S . 
 
 Thursday, 25. — Still very cold, but went on. My 
 ■wife and a sick child being with me, made the ride 
 exceedingly tedious. But the Lord was very good 
 to us. I drove twenty-one miles, and spoke in the 
 evening to a few gathered around the fire-side. It 
 was a precious time. Blessed be the Lord for all 
 His benefits ! 
 
 Sunday, 28. — ^Preached this morning from, "What 
 must I do to be saved ?" The Divine Power was 
 eminently manifested — sinners wept for mercy, 
 while saints shouted aloud for joy. This day will, 
 I trust, be long remembered. In the afternoon 
 preached from Acts iii. 19. The Glory of God 
 filled the house. 
 
 Wednesday, 31. — Spoke at "Warwick yesterday, 
 from Matt, xxii. 12. The devil was mad. If noth- 
 ing more was done, thut is better than nothing. 
 Came here to-day to my appointment, and found 
 that the Presbyterian minister had an appointment 
 at the same time and place — ^the school-house. I 
 concluded that, under the circumstances, he whose 
 
1821—1822. 93 
 
 appointment had been first made, ought to preach. 
 It was decided that his was first, though many 
 doubted._ So he had it all to himself; for he nei- 
 ther invited me to exhort nor to pray. When he 
 had finished, I toM the people, as it was yet early in 
 the evening, if they would stay, I would give them 
 a sermon. They all staid except the minister and 
 eight or ten of his church, and we had a blessed 
 time. God gave us the "Water of Life freely. This 
 minister did all he could to hedge up my way, and 
 prevent the people from hearing me preach; but 
 he could not succeed, and the result of his opposi- 
 tion was, that he was dis;missed, and went " to seek 
 a Uving where he could find a place." 
 
 February 25. — Preached in Sugar-loaf "Valley, 
 at two o'clock, from Eph. ii. 8. The power of God 
 came down on the congregation, and many wept. 
 In class-meeting our souls were filled with the love 
 of God. One woman fell, and lay from five in the, 
 afternoon until seven the next morning — about four- 
 teen hours. She was stiff as a stake the whole time, 
 except a short interval, about twelve o'clock, when 
 she sufficiently revived to shout " Glory to God ! " 
 I asked her in the morning if she felt any pain or 
 weariness, after lying so long in one position. She 
 answered: "None." This was a singular case ; I 
 merely state the fact. 
 
 llonday, 26. — ^In the evening heard "Wilham Sey- 
 mour, a colored man, exhort. It was truly surpris- 
 ing to witness the power and utterance the Lord 
 gave to one so unlearned. Though his skin was as 
 
94 JOURNAL. 
 
 black as ebony, be bad a soul as wbite as snow, 
 wasbed in tbe blood of Jesus. In tbe afternoon we 
 bad a glorious class-meeting — six joined Society. 
 Most of tbem bad been Calvinists for years, Dut 
 now were made free by tbe Truth. 
 
 Bellvale, wbere my family resides, was tbe most 
 dry and barren place I ever saw. Tbere were only 
 one man and five women in Society wben we came 
 to live among tbem ; now tbe wbole neigbborbood 
 is on fire, and tbe work of Grod is general and pow- 
 erful. I never witnessed a greater cbange in a place. 
 About tbirty-five bave joined Class. Tbe work be- 
 gan under a sermon preacbed against Calvinism. 
 
 Tbe man in wbose bouse we live owns quite 
 a number of slayes. All tbe adults bad been con- 
 verted, except one old man, wbo was so stupid and 
 ignorant, notbing seemed to move bim. I often 
 en leavored to enligbten bim, but be gave no signs 
 of feeling. One day wben I came bome, bis master 
 said to me : 
 
 " Joe is sick ; I wish you would go and see bim."' 
 
 I went, and asked how be did. He made some 
 reply, and I said : 
 
 " You bad better take some medicine." 
 
 " ISTo," said be " I don't want any." 
 
 I looked at bim, the sweat was pouring down bis 
 swarthy face like rain. 
 
 I said, " Joe, what ails you ?'" 
 
 " I'm a great sinner ! 
 
 " "Why," said I, " it is conviction for sin ! You 
 must seek tbe Lord, and give your heart to Christ." 
 
1821—1822. 95 
 
 The secret which had long slept in the old man's 
 bosom was out, and the fountains of his poor soul 
 were broken up. I told his Master that Joe was not 
 sick, but in gre%t distress on. account of his sins, 
 and said: 
 
 " Come, let us go and pray for him." 
 
 We did so, and Joe was soon out of bed, though 
 his distress continued for several days. At last, the 
 Lord Jesus liberated his soul, and Joe became a 
 bright Christian. He hved such for many years, 
 and died in the Lord. I thought then I would 
 never be discouraged in laboring for any poor sin- 
 ner while God permitted him to live. 
 
 February 27. — ^Preached in the town of "Warwick 
 from 2 Peter i. 10. Explained and refuted the 
 Calvinistic doctrines of Election and Final Persever- 
 ance. ' This preaching against Calvinism makes 
 the devil mad : that is better than to see them all 
 at ease in sin, and throwing the blame upon God, 
 by teaching and beHeving that He fore-ordains 
 whatsoever comes to pass. 
 
 Calvinism is like a serpent entwining itself round 
 and round, until it destroys all feehng of responsi- 
 bility, blinds and bewilders, stupefieg and kills every 
 good desire and resolution ; arid the man sits down 
 in the Antinomian chair of ease, until the flaming 
 sword of God's Eternal Truth comes and cuts the 
 folds of this serpent — destroys his chair of ease, 
 and lets him begin to sink. His false hopes all 
 gone ; driven from his last subterfuge ; he sees and 
 feels his real danger and responsibility, and begins 
 
96 JOURNAL. ■ 
 
 ill good earnest to ciy to God for mercy, through 
 our Lord Jesus Christ. 0, wonderful grace ! After 
 all his folly and sin' God receives tKe sinner, pardons 
 his sins, puts a new song into h^s mouth, and the 
 Truth as it is in Jesus into his heart, and he goes 
 on his way rejoicing in the liberty wherewith the 
 Gospel has made him free. None need despair 
 who will come to Christ, for God has no delight in 
 the death of a sinner. 
 
 Sunday, March 4.— At ten, A. M., preached to a 
 crowded congregation. The Spirit of the Lord 
 made the word quick and powerful, and the tears 
 that flowed from many eyes showed that they felt 
 in their hearts. But without immediate 'improve- 
 ment, these impressions will be like the morning 
 c'oud, and th^ early dew. 
 
 In the evening preached to a multitude from 2 
 Corinthians v. 14, 15. "While I " blew the ram's 
 horn" in the outward ear, the Lord God spoke to 
 the heart by the power of the Holy Ghost ; and I 
 trust good was done in the name of Christ. 
 
 Wednesday, 7. — No appointment this day. Almost 
 worn down by constant traveling, preaching and 
 other labors. But is it not better to wear out than 
 to rust out? I have thought sometimes that some 
 men outlive their honor and their usefulness. "With 
 the great and good John "Wesley, I can say : " Let 
 me cease at once to work and live." 
 
 Tliursday, 8. — Preached from Isaiah Iv. 1. God 
 ovraed His word. One Presbyterian told me that 
 his mind had been troubled for several years on the 
 
1821—1822. 97 
 
 subject of unconditional Election; but now he saw 
 things as he never saw them before, and was fully 
 satisfied that there is grace for all men. 
 
 Friday, 9. — My horse lame, but hobbled along 
 about eight miles, met Bro. N. E.. who preached at 
 my two o'clock appointmsnt. I exhorted — ^left 
 Calvinism bleeding, and went oii to my evening 
 appointment. 
 
 Wednesday, 14. — Last Saturday rode forty miles 
 to attend a sacramental occasion on Sullivan Circuit; 
 arrived about sun-down. On Sunday the services 
 were most solemn and impressive. On my way 
 home had a narrow escape from death. My horse 
 being lame, I had borrowed one. While going 
 down hill the " hold-back" gave way, and let the 
 sleigh upon her heels ; which she began to use with- 
 out much ceremony. In the meantime the box 
 broke down, bringing my head in close proximity 
 to said heels. There were four in the sleigh ; but 
 a merciful . Providence watched over us, so that 
 none were seriously injured. After riding twenty- 
 six miles we came about midnight to our stopping- 
 place. Good Bro. B. arose from his comfortable 
 bed, and gave us a hearty welcome. We slept a 
 few ho'urs, and started early on our way. The 
 traveling was very bad, and my borrowed horse 
 almost gave out; but by the blessing of God we 
 reached home in safety. Without taking off my 
 overcoat, or giving myself time to rest, I went four 
 miles to Warwick village, and preached to a house- 
 full of people frbni John iii. 7 ; then returned home 
 
98 JOURNAL. 
 
 and slept sweetly. How good is tlie Lord to His 
 unworthy servant ! He gives strength, proportioned 
 to my day. To His Holy Name be praise forever ! ; 
 
 Thursday, 15. — ^Wallowed through the mud, and 
 met the dear people at Long Pond. Preached from 
 Eevelations iii. 20. Many wept for mercy. It was 
 a blessed season. Kode fourteen miles and slept 
 sweetly. 0, if I, so weak and so unworthy, can do 
 anything for the cause of Jesus, I feel willing to 
 spend all my time, talents, and strength ! I have no 
 greater joy than to see souls coming home to God. 
 O, hasten the day when the world shall be filled 
 with Thy glory, blessed Jesus ! 
 
 Friday, 16. — To-day preached to a housefuU of 
 people, in a new place, jfrom Luke xix. 41, 42. I 
 love to look up the lost sheep, and carry the Gospel 
 to the ignorant and destitute. We have a rest-week 
 once in four. This I usually employ in visiting 
 places not included in our regular work on the 
 Circuit. 
 
 ' Monday, 19. — Very cold. During the night the 
 Hudson River was nearly closed by the ice; but I 
 am able to go on and preach. I labor in "hope of a 
 better world. At eleven this morning I pleached, 
 .and had an agreeable visit with my worthy col- 
 league, Eev. Phineas Rice. 
 
 Sunday, 25. — ^A severe snow-storm. Rode four 
 miles to see a young brother, supposed to be dying 
 with the lock-jaw. Fouiid him rejoicing in Christ 
 Jesus. So, we see the grace of God is sufiicient 
 
1821—1822. 99 
 
 under all circumstances. Eode four miles furtlier 
 and preached in the afternoon and evening. 
 
 Saturday, April 7. — Spoke from 1 Peter ii. 4. Dull 
 enough. 
 
 Sunday, 8. — ^At Bethel spoke from Titus ii. 11, 12. 
 Met the class, then rode eight, miles and preached 
 in the Presbyterian meeting-house. Found my 
 Master very near. It was a time of power and lib- 
 erty to my soul. I think the Lord made His word 
 quick and powerful to the hearers. Eode eleven 
 miles and preached in the evening to a hstening 
 congregation. 
 
 Tuesday, 17. — ^A terrible snow-storm — unpleasant 
 weather all the week. But went on my way through 
 snow and mud. Preached six times during the 
 week, and had blessed seasons. The Lord was 
 precious to my soul. To His Name be praise for- 
 ever ! 
 
 Saturday, 21. — Heard to-day that one of my child- 
 ren was sick. So, after preaching and meeting class 
 in the evening, rode home, arriving about twelve 
 o'clock.' Pound tjie child better, through mercy. 
 It is no small trial of a man's faith to leave all, and 
 become a servant to all. But God calls, and we 
 must obey. He will take care of the rest. 
 
 May 7. — ^For some days have been constantly on 
 the vidng. In eleven days have traveled one hun- 
 dred and twenty miles, preached fourteen sermons, 
 and attended one Lovefeast and Sacrament. The 
 Lord wonderfally supported me in body and mind. 
 The cause is good, the Master is good, the reward 
 
100 JOUKNAL. 
 
 will be glorious! Who would not be willing to 
 labor and suffer, in hope of Eternal Life ? For " if 
 we suffer with Him we sliall also reign with Him " 
 — ^but " if we deny Him, He also will deny us." 
 
 May 30, 1821. — Conference opened its Session in 
 the City of Troy, N. T., Bishop George presiding. 
 "We accomplished much business in harmony and 
 peace. I received my appointment to John St. 
 Church in the City of ISTew York. It is a responsi- 
 ble and important station, which I am incompetent 
 to fill. How could the Bishop think- of sending me 
 to such a place ! Why not let me stay in the woods, 
 among the mountains, where they would bear with 
 my weakness? I must go without complaining; 
 but I shall fail, unless the Almighty arm is around 
 about me. I hope it may be all for the best ; but 
 I fear. may my soul be humbled in the dust, 
 and trust only in the living God ! 
 
 Wednesday, June 13. — ^Here I am with my family 
 — ^wife and three children, in this great Babel of a 
 City ! We had a tedious passage down the River 
 on an old lazy sloop. An old friend met me at the 
 wharf, and welcomed me to the hospitalities of his 
 -home. The house provided for us was much out 
 of order. But never mind, so we please the Great 
 Shepherd, and profit immortal souls. 
 
 There is in this great City, noise and show 
 enough to make a man, coming directly from the 
 peaceful, quiet country, almost beside himself. 
 Carts, wagons and coaches -rattling — chimney- 
 sweeps screaming — confusion everywhere. My 
 
1821—1822. 101 
 
 spirit sinks, I grow poor. I have endeavored to 
 preach, seven times, and while preaching have felt 
 some hberty: but when done, and I think of my- 
 self, my charge, my work ; O how small I feel ! I 
 cry, Lord, who is sufficient for these things! I 
 am nothing, and feel it more and more. It may 
 .be good for me to be thus tried. 
 
 Tuesday, 26. — ^Low in spirit — read some, wrote 
 some, prayed some : but 0, what shall I do ? My 
 spirit sinks, and I hardly know the cause, unless 
 it is a sense of my own insufficiency. At four, 
 P. M., I must meet Class, and in the evening 
 preach. I feel as dry as a bone, and know not 
 what to say or do. The Bible, that blessed Book, 
 is all shut up : I cannot get hold of a passage that 
 affi)rds me one ray of light, for help from Him 
 who is Light and Power ! 
 
 " Come Saviour, Jesus from above, 
 Assist me with tty Heavenly Love." 
 
 This is not all — ^I feel so dull, so sleepy. When 
 I take up a book to read, I fall asleep directly, and 
 the book drops from my hand to the floor. What 
 shall I do ? I will call upon the Name of the Lord, 
 apd trust in the God of my Salvation, come life or 
 death. 
 
 August 18. — Since I came to New- York City my 
 exercises have been various. But this much I 
 must record for the honor of Christ: I think He 
 is refining my heart. Still, the remembrance of 
 my past sins and unfeithfalness grieves my soul 
 
102 JOUKNAL. 
 
 There is nothing I so much dread as- falling into 
 sin. Sickness and death are not to be compared 
 with it. How many, even of the mighty, have 
 fallen! With what caution should I mark every 
 step ! Lord, stand by me ! 
 
 Sunday, 19. — ^Preached three times with consid- 
 erable freedom. Dined with a Mother in Israel, 
 by the name of Seabury ; a relation of Bishop Sea- 
 bury of the Protestant Episcopal Church. • 
 
 September 3. A dreadful gale of wind and rain 
 from the South-west. Vessels verecked, houses 
 blown down, and many lives lost. The M. E. 
 Church in New Haven, Ct, was demolished. It 
 was under cover, but not finished — loss about three 
 thousand dollars. how easy for Jehovah to hurl 
 this earth from its place, and crush .the nations to 
 atoms! How wonderful that He preserves His 
 rebellious creatures, from ruin, woe and death ! Let 
 all the earth fear before Him, and praise Him for 
 His goodness ! 
 
 I had expected, and even started to attend a 
 Camp-meeting at ITewburgh, Orange Co.; but the 
 storm was such that no vessel dared venture out of 
 the harbor 
 
 September 13. — The day after the storm we start- 
 ed for Camp-meeting. An excellent meeting. 
 The good work is spreading through the County. 
 Many stout-hearted sinners were brought to bow 
 at His feet, and cry to Jesus Christ for mercy. I 
 was glad to meet with many old friends. 
 
 What is this great City, with all its noise and 
 
1821—1822. 103 
 
 Bhow ? There is not enough in the whole of it to 
 fill one immortal soul ! The world is so poor, and 
 yet how inordinately we love it! Lord, help me 
 to live by faith, not by sight ! 
 
 Sunday, 16.— how I feel! What shall I say? 
 What shall I do ? I must preach three times, but 
 
 me ! — my only refuge is the Throne of Grace ! 
 Here, then, I come with all my weakness, with all 
 my wants, and spread them before the Lord. I 
 pray, I plead for help. 
 
 Monday, 17. — Yesterday, as I went to the church, 
 
 1 felt more like a man going to be executed, than 
 one going to offer life and salvation. I entered the 
 pulpit with trembling hmbs — ^but O, how the bless- 
 ed Master did help me in this time of need ! His 
 Spirit fired my heart, loosened my tongue, and 
 enabled me to speak the word with power. Many 
 wept,, and I can but hope that good impressions 
 were made on many minds. The Sacrament was 
 a blessed service. I returned home, slept eweetly. 
 and thought, I will never distrust the Lord again. 
 
 Sunday, 23. — ^Lost ground to-day for want of care 
 in conversation. My soul was in pain. what 
 need of watchfalness ! Lord, forgive Thy poor 
 servant for Christ's sake! What should we do 
 without the atoning Bloo4? The more I reflect 
 on th§ precious atonement by Jesus Christ, tho 
 more I see its beauty and importance. Those who 
 think they can be saved without it do not feel sin 
 as I do. No, the works of the best man that ever 
 lived could not stand the test of an examination, 
 
104 JOUBNAL. 
 
 in the sight of a Holy God, if they were not sprink- 
 led with the Blood of Christ. This is the new 
 and living Way. By it we draw near to God. By 
 it we enter the Holy of Holies. It is this that 
 obtained for us the forgiveness of sins, the favor 
 of ^ God ; and, indeed, every blessing enjoyed by 
 apostate man. It is this that cleanses us from all 
 sin, and prepares us for the inheritance of the 
 gaints in light. Glory to God for the gift of His 
 Son ! My love, gratitude and faith increase while 
 I meditate. Had I the tongue of the learned, and 
 a voice loud as thunder, I would tell all the world 
 of the wonders of Redeeming Love ! 
 
 Monday, October 15. — I awoke this morning hap- 
 py, and found Jesus with me, which is ,the best of 
 all. Preached three times yesterday, and felt the 
 Master's presence. 
 
 In the evening, at Duane St., especially, the 
 word was made quick and powerful. Many wept, 
 cried aloud for help, and came forward to the 
 altar, begging for the prayers of God's people. I 
 found it good to be there: 
 
 Tuesday, 30. — Heard one of the old pioneers* 
 Kev. T. Everard; a Revolutionary soldier, preach 
 ;an excellent sermon. I was greatly comforted, so 
 were the people. 
 
 Wednhesday, 31. — Made a trip of about t^enty- 
 tiiree miles into "the Jerseys." The night was 
 dark and rainy, but few attended. I preached 
 from Isaiah Iv. 1. ISo one asked us home to eat 
 
1821—1822. 105 
 
 or sleep, so we traveled in a gig six miles through 
 the storm, to the house of Bro. T. P. 
 
 Tuesday, November 27. — ^Depressed in spirit from 
 several causes. First,, my own lack in many things : 
 I am not as holy as I should be ; I am not as know- 
 ing as I should be. Perhaps I am not as studious 
 as I should be — ^therefore, I am not as useful as I 
 desire to be. Yet my duties are so many and oner- 
 ous, that my time is all occupied. 
 
 December 18. — Started for Bridgehampton, Long 
 Island, one hundred and twelve miles from the 
 City, t-o attend a Quarterly meeting for Pev. P. P. 
 Sanford, the Presiding Elder, who is sick. Rode 
 in the stage to Hempstead, and preached from 
 Romans v. 2. On Thursday, at five in the morn- 
 ing, started in company with Bro. C. for the east- 
 ern end ~o¥ the Island, in an open wagon. Bode 
 eleven miles, and breakfasted with Bro. P. Prayed, 
 and went thirteen miles to Islip; dined and prayed, 
 and went fourteen miles farther to Patchogue, and 
 put up for the night with Bro. W. — a lovely family. 
 On Friday morning, at six o'clock, started again 
 for a fifteen miles ride, and stopped for dinner. 
 The rain was now pouring in torrents; but we went 
 on eight miles, stopped and fed our horse, then on 
 again for another ten miles. Took a by-path and 
 found ourselves lost in the pine woods. It was 
 now perfectly dark, but at a distance we beheld a 
 light — following it, we found ourselves in the midst 
 of Indians. They could not keep us, but told us 
 the way to a tavern. After wandering about some- 
 
106 JOURNAL. 
 
 time, we struck a road whicli led to a public-house, 
 where we remained all night. 
 
 The next morning we started with the North- 
 west wind directly in our faces, and after a cold ride 
 of twelve miles, reached our place of destination. 
 
 In the afternoon I preached, and Bro. C. exhort- 
 ed. The next day, Sunday, at nine o'clock, we 
 had Lovefeast — cold hearts and cold feet made it 
 rather uncomfortable. Bro. C. preached a rousing 
 sermon from John iii. 7. Afterwards I preached 
 from 1 Timothy ii. 6. The people wept, and the 
 power of God was manifested. 
 
 We rode eight miles, and preached at Sag Har- 
 bor, in a cold house, and, as I thought, to a cold 
 people. But I learned afterwards that six souls 
 were awakened that evening, which was the begin- 
 ing of a gracious revival of religion. ' 
 
 We returned, preaching at each stopping-place ; 
 and finally reached home after a week's absence. 
 
 In some parts of the Island religion is prosper- 
 ous ; in others dry and barren, like its soil. The 
 Circuit is long and badly arranged. There should 
 be three two-weeks' Circuits, and three active, 
 godly preachers. 
 
1822—1825. 
 
 John Kennady Awakened. — A Solemn, Memorable Day. — A 
 Seeker's Prayer-Meeting. — Franoia Asbury. — The Confession of 
 Thomas. — A Day of Labor and Jny, — A Happy Sickness. — How 
 can we expect Fat Sheep, without Good Pasture ? —The Conference 
 of 1822. — Ee-appointed to John St. Church. — Reflections — Much 
 Preaching ; Hard Conflicts. — " Shall there be Evil in a City, and 
 the Lord hath not done it?" — Appointed to New Rochelle Circuit. 
 — Sickness and .Mortality. — The Devil disappointed — Plan of a 
 Sermon. — Better employed than Elias Hicks. — A Tender Con- 
 science. — The Death of a Hardened Sinner. — God's Word, a rich 
 Field. — The Old Testament Prophecies. — " Young as a Boy ; light 
 as a Hart." — Fasting, and Private Prayer. — Camp-Meeting at 
 Mosquito Cove. — Satan disturbed, a Good Sign. ' 
 
 lANTJARY 1.— Found this a profitable day. 
 Our "Watch-night was solemn and power- 
 ful : hundreds were present, and we closed 
 the year on our knees, in earnest, seci'et prayer. 
 
 Preached this morning at John Street. A young 
 man, John Kennady, passing the church, was at- 
 tracted by the singing and came in. The Lord 
 powerfuly awakened him to a sense of his sins. 
 
 At three o'clock met Class, and at four, I ad- 
 ministered the Sacrament to a select number in the 
 chamber of a sick- sister. . At half past six, preached 
 in Allen Street — returned home weary, but slept 
 in peace. 
 
108 JOURNAL. 
 
 January 2. — Cast down, but not destroyed. 
 Found a blessing at the evening prayer-meeting. 
 
 January 20. — Have not been out for eight days — 
 sick with cold and fever. Ventured to church this 
 morning — ^heard Bro. S., preach, and in the after- 
 noon strove to preach^myself from Heb. vi.' 1 — 
 First — spoke of the doctrine of perfection as the 
 Christian's privilege. Seeondly^endeavored to 
 press home the necessity of going on to it. The 
 Lord spoke with Divine power to the hearts of the 
 people. It was a solemn, memorable occasion. To 
 God be all the praise ! In the evening heard Bro. 
 E. II.; fifteen came around the altar for prayers, 
 among whom were Dr. P. and wife. The Lord 
 can bring down bolh great and small; all have 
 sinned, and all must humble themselyes and re- 
 pent, if they would find mercy. My exhortations 
 were too much for my physical strength, but my 
 soul was happy. I awoke in the night to praise 
 the Lord, and meditate on His goodness. 
 
 January 23. — Yesterday admitted a man into 
 Society who had been a TJniversalist for twenty 
 years, but who was convinced of his error about 
 five months ago, and began seeking salvation. He 
 is now happy in the possession of God's pardoning 
 love. 
 
 February 3. — Spoke this morning at Greenwich 
 Village, from 2 Cor. xiii. 9; in the afternoon, at 
 the Wesleyan Seminary, from Isaiah xxx. 21; gave 
 them, young and old, a plain talk ; in the evening, 
 at Duane Street, from Matt. xxv. 46. There was 
 
1822—1825. 109 
 
 a mighty stir — sinners wejjL aloud for mercy; fif- 
 teen were at the altar, and five or six found peace. 
 February 18. — Our prospects here are truly pleas- 
 ing ; many have been converted to God, and all ia 
 peace in the church. Many of our old brethren 
 are pressing towards the mark. 
 
 Each Monday afternoon I hold a seekers' prayei. 
 meeting at my house, which we find very profita- 
 ble ; those wounded on the Sabbath, we gather up 
 here, l^otwithstanding a tremendous snow-storm, 
 many were present to-day. Some wept aloud for 
 mercy; others shouted for joy. It was the most 
 powerful time I have seen since I have been in 
 ISTew York. 
 
 Fehrwiry 21. — Finished reading the Journal of 
 Francis Asbury, Bishop of the M. E. Church. May 
 his mantle fall upon his sons in the ministry ! He 
 found about two hundred members in the Societies, 
 and left about two hundred thousand. 
 
 Februarp 25. — On my feet almost constantly, 
 from ten in the morning until ten at night — ^preach- 
 ing three times, baptizing, holding Society-meeting, 
 &c. No rest during the week — ^meeting of some 
 kind each day and night. 
 
 Precious are the doctrines of the Atonement, 
 and the Divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ. These 
 fill my soul with light, life and power. O, may I 
 feel like Thomas when he cried out: "My Lord 
 and my Grod." I most heartily subscribe to this 
 confession of Thomas; it was frank and noble. 
 He was the first to call Jesus God, and Jesus did 
 
110 JOURNAL, 
 
 not reprove him, nor mstruct him better. If Jesus, 
 therefore, was a true Prophet, or even a good and 
 honest man, He must be the true God. The Lord 
 is carrying forward His blessed work in this Citj'. 
 At nearly every meeting in John St., whether fcr 
 prayer or preaching, some are awakened or con- 
 verted. 
 
 March 17. — A day of labor and of joy. After 
 preaching three times, praying ten times in public, 
 and traveling five or six miles, was too weary to 
 sleep much. Truly, the life of a minister is the life 
 of a servant. What but love to souls could induce 
 me to go and forego, as I do 
 
 April 18. — For three weeks past have been laid 
 aside with bilious fever. I came near the gates of 
 death, and had a look into the other world, which 
 led me to take a careful review of life. I had a 
 hard struggle, but grace gained the victory; the 
 only foundation, the blood of Ghrist, stqpd firm. 
 
 In looking at the doctrines of the Church to 
 which I had subscribed, and which I had endeavor- 
 ed to preach, I found that they would stand the test 
 of Eternity. In looking at my experience, I was 
 led to ask. What am I now ? not what was I ten or 
 twelve years ago ? I could look up and see God 
 reconciled through Jesus Christ. He is my Father, 
 T am His child. I felt the spirit of adoption by 
 which I cried, "Abba Father." 0, what joy and 
 peace did this review bring to my soul ! I was 
 filled with such a Divine sweetness and transporting 
 joy as my tongue can never explain. It gave me 
 
1822—1825. Ill 
 
 full resignation to the Divine "Will— it converted 
 the bitter into sweet, pain into pleasure ; it took 
 from me the fear of dying, and weaned me from 
 earth. I thought of my dear wife and little chil- 
 flren, but was willing to leave them with my Heav- 
 enly Father, feeling assured He would do all things 
 well. 
 
 I am now partially recovered ; my health is re- 
 turning. I can w.alk out, and read and vsrite some. 
 0, that I may be more than ever concerned for the 
 glory of God, and the salvation of souls ! I think 
 that for the edification and comfort of the flock 
 of Christ, He sometimes suffers the Pastor to be 
 afflicted and tempted, that he may thus sympathize 
 with, and comfort them from his own experience. 
 But God has another end in view in afflicting His 
 ministers — their own good. Unless heavenly-min d- 
 ed, spiritually dead to the world and alive to God, 
 how can the Pastor expect his people to be spir't- 
 ually minded? Continual health and prosperity- 
 have a tendency to dull our appetite for spiritual 
 food, and darken our sight of heavenly objects. 
 Before we are aware our minds become lowered ; 
 we begin to over-value worldly things, and our zeal 
 and love for God begin to abate. 
 
 Afflictions, which are our Father's chastisements, 
 show us the emptiness and poverty, of the world. 
 Passing through the fire, our afflictions become re- 
 fined and purified. Thus our own minds being 
 more intently fixed on heaven and spiritual things, 
 we draw the minds of our flock from low and grov- 
 
112 
 
 JOURNAL. 
 
 elling objects', upward to where Christ sitteth at the 
 right hand of God. Why, then, should I complain, 
 while receiving these tokens of love from my Heav- 
 enly Father? I will say, Thy will be done, whether 
 in laboring or suffering. Eternal glory will be a 
 sufficient reward for all. 
 
 April 24. — ^I need much wisdom to guide me cor- 
 rectly in all things — children to train, visionaries to 
 check, imprudence to reprove — ^to-pluck up the vile, 
 without hurting the good seed. All that th§ flock 
 should have ought to dwell in the Pastor. How 
 can we expect fat sheep unless they have good past- 
 ure ? May God give to men at the helm of affairs 
 wisdom and prudence ! 
 
 June 8.-^Conference has closed another session. 
 I have received my appointment again to this place, 
 John St.^ Church. Conference is a busy time — too 
 much dissipation, too little prayer. The preachers 
 seemed generally pleased with their appointments 
 and have gone cheerfully to their work. ,May the 
 Lord give us a year of prosperity! Of late I have 
 preached but little ; but my health is now tolerably 
 restored, and I must work with all my might. I 
 love the "people, they are very kind to me : O that 
 the Lord may help me to be of some use to them. 
 I need the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of 
 Samson, the courage of David, the meekness of 
 Moses, the address of Paul, the love of John, the 
 faith of Abraham, and the correctness of Luke. 
 How much then do I lack ? 
 
 June 27. — ^After close and candid examination of 
 
1822—1825. 113 - 
 
 myself, I think I am growing in grace. The Lord 
 is taking my whole heart. His goodness and love 
 quite overcome me. I am lost in wonder, love and 
 praise. 
 
 September 19. — For some time past I have been 
 out of the City. Have traveled more than five 
 hundred miles, attended three Camprmeetings, and 
 preached thirty sermons. Have had many a hard 
 conflict, and felt much of the Divine power. 
 
 Shall there be evil in a city, and the Lord hath not 
 done it ? Amos iii. 6. 
 
 The prophet, by a number of questions which he 
 proposes in this chapter, declares that there cannot 
 be an effect without a cause. Israel and God can- 
 not walk together. Why ? Because they are not 
 agreed. God is holy, Israel is unholy. He lovQs 
 holiness, they love sin. A lion roars in the forest ; 
 what is the cause ? He has taken his prey. A bird 
 is entangled — ^how is this ? Why, a snare has been 
 set on the earth, and the bird is caught. There is 
 great alarm in a city : what is the matter ? The 
 trumpet is blown, the sound of war is heard. 
 There is evil in a city — ^from whence does it come ? 
 
 The prophet's question amounts to an aflirmation 
 of the fact. There is evil in a city, and the Lord 
 hath done it — ^that is, it comes from Him. 
 
 I shall consider, I. The word Evil: II. The 
 Cause of Evil. 
 
 I. We are not always to understand by Evil, sin. 
 But Evil may be denominated Moral and ifatural. 
 
114 JOURNAL. 
 
 1 shall notice, 1, Moral Evil. Moral evil is tte dis- 
 agreement between the actions of a moral agent 
 and the rule of those actions. Man is ever to be 
 considered as a free, moral agent, capable of per- 
 forming moral actions, and therefore a subject of 
 moral government, and under Moral Law : conse- 
 quently a pubject of rewards and punishment, 
 according to the character of his moral actions. 
 
 God is our Governor and Law-giver. Our obli- 
 gation to obey God is founded on the relation in 
 which we stand to Him as our Creator. His will 
 revealed to us is our only rule of moral action. 
 "What we call the Moral Law is not an arbitrary 
 thing, imposed upon man, but is an emanation from 
 the Divine perfections of God — a transcript of God 
 Himself, and as immutable as Deity. It binds men 
 to God, and also man to man. It is our rule of 
 life, and any deviation from, or transgression of 
 this Law, may be called Moral Evil, or sin. 
 
 This will lead us to consider the contents of this 
 Law. "We have it in the twentieth chapter of Ex- 
 odus. Yea, its precepts are dispersed all through 
 the Bible, and summed up by our blessed Lord in 
 Mark xii. 30, 31. The first part of this Law re- 
 lates to worship- that we owe to our God: the sec- 
 ond part relates to the duty we owe to ourselves 
 and to our neighbors. 
 
 (a.) "We notice the first part of the Law of God, 
 which requires us to worship Him and Him only ; 
 and this js to be done with the whole heart. " Thou 
 shalt have no other gods before me," is the com- 
 
1822—1825. 115 
 
 mand. Bat alas ! who obeys it ? How many set 
 up self, or honor as their god, and worship it. 
 They love and seek the praise of men — ^they dare 
 not do an act, nor speak a word that will offend their 
 flatterers, for fear of losing their good-will. They 
 seldom or never bow their knees to the Throne of 
 Grace, but in some public place, when it will pro- 
 cure for them respect. If they give alms, or aid in 
 the Bible or Missionary cause, it is to be seen of 
 men — ^to be called liberal. But the Law requires 
 truth in the inward parts. 
 
 Others, again, make to themselves an idol of 
 gold, and fall down and worship it. Although they 
 are often separated from their god, yet they gather 
 courage and try new ways to fill their coffers. If 
 honesty will not affect their purpose, they do not 
 stick at trifles. The merchant tells as many lies as 
 he sells yards of cloth. He tells the buyer that it 
 it is most excellent, when, perhaps, it is no more 
 than common. He says it is the cheapest in town, 
 when, perhaps, forty more have the same qualify, 
 equally as cheap. To get money, they exaggerate, 
 equivocate, .affirm and deny. Some men cannot 
 make money fast enough, so they forge notes and 
 counterfeit money. Some sell ardent spirits $ oth- 
 ers fly to the gaming table, stake their money, then, 
 their watch, then their clothes, and last of all, their 
 credit. 
 
 Others make a god of their belly, and glory in 
 their shame. Epicurean-like they look for no other 
 happiness than to feed their fleshly appetites. They 
 
116 JOURNAL, 
 
 eat and drink until they are gluttons and drunk- 
 ards; then comes debauchery, chambering and 
 wantonness. 
 
 Others worship their ovra persons, their fine 
 shape, handsome faces, or gay dress. To them 
 there is no god like themselves. 
 
 In a word, all those who do not worship God the 
 Father, in spirit and truth, and the Lord Jesus 
 Christ by faith, through the influence of the Holy 
 Ghost, sin against the first commandment. 
 
 All profanation of the Lord's day is a breach of 
 God's command. Add to this the taking of God's 
 Holy ITame in vain, to which a man can have no 
 temptation, either of profit or honor: but his 
 curses and horrid imprecations are so many sparks 
 of hell coming from the fountain of his own cor- 
 ruption. 
 
 (b.) Then if we look at the second table of the 
 Law. How many disobedient children ; and how 
 many parents without parental aiffection ! 
 
 How many murderers; for he that hateth his 
 brother is a murderer. How much adultery of the 
 heart and eye ; how many withhold the honor due 
 to the wife, and give it to others. How much steal- 
 ing, lying, equivocation and perjury. - How much 
 coveting of others goods, envying and strife. All 
 this is moral evil, transgression of God's Holy Law. 
 
 2. Natural Evil. Natural evil is whatever de- 
 stroys, or in any way disturbs the perfection of 
 natural beings : such as blindness, deafaess, disease 
 and death. Natural evil is sometimes sent as a 
 
1822—1825. 117 
 
 punishment for moral evil. For instance, a man 
 commits murder ; he must be hung. Murder is a 
 moral evil — ^hanging a natural evil, and the punish- 
 ment for murder. 
 
 Sometimes natural calamities show the displeas- 
 ure of Heaven against a nation for its national sins, 
 or the calamity of a city shows the displeasure of 
 God against that city^ But God has also a benev- 
 olent design in sending natural evils upon His 
 creatures ; i: e. their reformation. SieknesSj pain, 
 famine, war, death — all these are natural evils. 
 
 n. We will now examine the Cause of these 
 evils. As moral evil is an action of a moral 
 agent, God cannot be the author, nor in any way ' 
 the cause of moral evil ; for He is infinitely Holy 
 in His own nature, and He cannot change. -As He 
 is infinitely holy Himself, He must necessarily have, 
 an eternal aversion to sin. He cannot transgress 
 His own Law. To say He may be the author of 
 sin, and yet not be a sinner, in my opinion is ab- 
 surd., To say that God is a sinner or the author 
 of sin is blasphemy. Our text is sometimes pro- 
 duced in support of this tnbst blasphemous doctrinCj 
 as also one in Isaiah xlv. 7. But on- examination 
 we shall find they mean no such thing. 
 
 Isaiah says, " I form the light^ and create dark- 
 ness : I make peace and create evil : I, the Lord, 
 do all these things." Now admit that there is 
 natural evil, and moral evil, and the case is plain 
 enough. So also is there Providential darlaiess, 
 and Providential light. I form the light: 1 give 
 
118 JOURNAL. 
 
 prosperity and success to a nation, town or indi- 
 viduals. I create darkness. By my Providence I 
 bring a cloud 'of adversity over a nation, town, 
 family or individuals. I make peace. By my Prov- 
 idence, I make wars to cease. "When one nation is 
 about to come upon and destroy anotber, and I see 
 that it will be for the best, I so dispose the mind, 
 or so hedge up the way of the one who threatened 
 destruction to the other,, that he proposes terms of 
 peaae, and the two nations become reconciled to 
 each other. So it may be said God makes peace. 
 I create evil. When a nation has grown proud and 
 haughty, I permit, or send another nation to afflict, 
 or even cut off that nation for its wickedness. I 
 may withhold the rain and send drought: this con- 
 tinued would cause famine. I may send pestilence 
 and fever, or any other natural evil — and who shall 
 say unto the Almighty, what doest Thou? like 
 Lord do all these things. But the moral evil in the 
 world is the work of devils arid wicked men. 
 
 The same explanation will hold good in regard 
 to our text. "Shall there be evil," (not moral, but 
 natural evil) "in a city, and the Lord hath not 
 done it?" 
 
 Such may be the sins of a city they may richly 
 deserve the punishment, in this life, of plague and 
 pestilence, to let the people know that the Lord 
 liveth, and that He will be feared — as in the case 
 of David and Ahab : also, the present calamity in 
 our city. "We may make as many attempts as we 
 please to put God and His Providence out of the 
 
1822—1825. 119 
 
 question, and trace it to natural causes — ^to ships, 
 to burying-grounds — any and everything else. Yet 
 we may ask: "Is there evil in a city, and the Lord 
 hath not done it ?" In fact,'nature itself is but the 
 Lord's agent, perfectly under His control and di- 
 rection. Cannot He who made the atmosphere 
 purify it at pleasure ? Let us acknowledge, with 
 reverence, that natural evil comes from- God ; and 
 with deep humility, that moral evil comes from 
 ourselves. 
 
 ' A faw words on the origin of moral evil. Sin 
 is the transgression of the Law. !Now, before the 
 Law is violated'moral evil does not exist; therefore 
 -it has its origin in the transgression. God tempts 
 no man to do evil; neither can Hebe tempted: 
 biit a man is tempted when he is drawn away with 
 his own lusts. By one man, sin entered into our 
 world; and before Adam sinned there was no sin 
 in existence upon the earth. . It is said that the 
 devils sinned, and this is the first we hear of sin ; 
 and we may suppose that before this, there was no 
 such thing as transgression throughout the vast 
 creation. Moral evil, then, had its origin among 
 the devils, and those who commit sin, are of the 
 devil ; they belong to the old Serpent. They im- 
 itate him ia his rebellion against God's govern- 
 ment, and may expect, with him, to be cast down 
 to hell. 
 
 God tempts no man to sin, and the devil cannot 
 force him to sin; therefore sin is his own work. 
 Every evil that a man commits originates in him- 
 
120 JOURNAL. 
 
 self; hence he has none to blame but himself; 
 and he alone must reap the reward due to his 
 transgressions. He cannot palm them off upon 
 another. 
 
 0, that men would consider this ! 0, that they 
 were wise, and would lay it to heart. Good men 
 may frequently be involved in temporal -calamities. 
 They may experience many natural evils, because 
 of the wickedness of others ; and sometimes on 
 account of their past sins. God may afflict them 
 in this life for their spiritual good. They may 
 experience Providential darkness. But here is 
 their comfort: the Lord reigneth, and all things 
 shall work together for good to them that love 
 God. They look for their joy, honor and felicity 
 in the world that is to come. Therefore, let not 
 the man who makes Jehovah his trust be afraid 
 nor discouraged. The Lord is his helper, he shall 
 not want : the Lord is his light, he shall not walk 
 in darkness, but have the light of life. Acknowl- 
 edge God in all your ways, and He will direct 
 your steps, Though you pass through the fire, 
 like the three worthies, it shall. not burn you; 
 though you pass through the waters, like Moses 
 and the children of Israel, they shall not over- 
 whelm you. Though you walk through the valley 
 and shadow of death, you need fear no evil, for 
 the Lord will go with you. 
 
 Hold no parley with the devil, for he is an old 
 sinner. Despise his pleasing baits, renounce the 
 world and be pilgrims indeed. 
 
1822—1825. 121 
 
 Let me advise — yea, let me entreat poor 
 thoughtless, careless, prayerless souls to forsake 
 their ways and turn to God. ISo man can con- 
 tinue in sin and prosper. He shall not escape ; 
 the Lord's displeasure will surely overtake him ; 
 if not in this life, it will in the world to come., 
 
 O, sinner, turn, turn to the Lord Jesus Christ — 
 plead for mercy, ^and humble yourself before the 
 Lord this day. Never, O never go to another 
 place of wickedness for the purpose of serving the 
 devil. 
 
 Don't add ' to all your former sins the guilt of . 
 procrastination. Death may surprise you in your 
 downward course, and if you die ia your wicked- 
 ness, where Jesus is you can never come. There 
 is mercy for you now. Jesus pleads your cause 
 at God's right hand. The Gospel invites you to 
 come. God's ministers and people are praying 
 for you : the Holy Ghost is now striving with j'ou. 
 He is now ready to reveal the things of God. 0, 
 open your heart and let Him enter. Angels arc 
 ready to carry the glad tidings to Heaven, " the 
 dead is alive, the lost is found." All Heaven will 
 resound with praise at your conversion. God the 
 Father is ready to receive His prodigal son back 
 to His house. Arise," sinner ! arise quickly, and 
 hasten to your Lord for mercy. May Almighty 
 God give you repentance unto life, for Jesus' sake. 
 Amen. 
 
 October 26'. — This evening, in the Lovefeast, the 
 Lord was with us indeed. In the closing prayer, it 
 
122 JOURNAL. 
 
 seemed as if heaven and earth had come together. 
 If a meeting on earth be so sweet and precious, 
 what will heaven be ? 
 
 November 14. — ^While I muse the fire burns, my 
 heart melts like wax, my soul is humbled into the 
 dust before the Lord ; tears of gratitude flow down 
 my face. What indescribable excellencies there are 
 in Jesus Christ ! How glorious His nature ! What 
 wisdom., what power, what love, to come to earth 
 to save a world of sinners from sin and hell ! My 
 soul longs to preach Jesus and the Resurrection, 
 that all rofiy see,.know and lovo Him too. I mu?t 
 say with Macarias, in oije of his homilies : " My soul 
 is wounded with His love; I am lost in the sweet, 
 heavenly ocean." 
 
 August 15. — For some months past I have kept no 
 Journal. I found so httle to profit either,myself or 
 anybody else, that I came to the conclusion to write 
 no more,: but, after mature refiection, determined 
 to commence anew. 
 
 I spent two pleasant years in New- York, and am 
 strongly attached by Christian love to the dear 
 brethren. They bore with my weakness, and were 
 uniformly kind to me and mine, for which I shall 
 ever hold them in grateful remembrance. 
 
 The support of the preacher was meagre; but 
 this was not the faul t of the people generally. With 
 a family of six persons, I was allowed only five 
 hundred dollars, and was obliged to borrow money 
 tQ move my family to my new charge ; having spent 
 
1822—1825. 123 
 
 considerable of my own to live on while in the city. 
 This year our Conference met in Saratoga Co., 
 N. Y. Bishop George presided. I received my ap- 
 pointment on the N'ew Rochelle Circuit. I came 
 with a trembling heart, but endeavored to put my 
 trust in Christ. The good people received me 
 V?ith great affection. There is much to be done, 
 and 1 shall need much wisdom, prudence and firm- 
 ness to do all that is reqtiired. Brothers N. W, T. 
 and E,. S. are my fellow-laborers. 
 
 I have been on the Circuit now seven weeks — 
 have preached twenty-nine sermons, attended one 
 Camp-meeting and one Quarterly-meeting; have 
 chopped wood, made garden, worked in the hay- 
 field until my hands were blistered — ^besides, for 
 twelve days past, have been constantly tormented 
 with pain in my jaws and head. The Doctor ad- 
 yised me to use tobacco. I hated it in all its forms, 
 but tried it, and found relief from pain. So I be- 
 came a smoker. 
 
 August 20. — Eode twelve miles to meet the peo- 
 ple, and consult about building a church, but ac- 
 complished nothing; they could come to no agree- 
 ment about the site. 
 
 August-2'i. — God is chastening the people — sick- 
 ness and death are all around us. Two ungodly 
 men hurried into eternity. Lord, help me to be 
 faithful in warning the people. Spent most of the 
 day in visiting the sick. 
 
 August 24. — Still another sinner has died, whom 
 I visited yesterday. At the funeral I spoke from 
 
124 JOURNAL. 
 
 Amos iv. 12., to a large gathering of people. I 
 judge no man, neither will I flatter the dead to 
 please the living : hence I did not spare, but spoke 
 the truth in plain words. 
 
 August 25. — At nine in the morning preached 
 the funeral discourse'of a man who died yesterday. 
 It was an awful time of mourning. In the after- 
 noon started for Camp-meeting. Arrived the next 
 day, after much fatigue and labor — was very un- 
 well all through the meeting. There were about 
 forty traveling preachers present, and it was sup- 
 posed there were ten thousand people oh the 
 ground at one time. 
 
 September 8. — Spent the day endeavoring to 
 reconcile two disaffected brethren; and, to the 
 disappointment of the devil and the surprise of all 
 parties, succeeded, and so prevented a church trial, 
 and saved the brethren to the church. 
 
 October 1. — ^Visited Yonkers, where the Metho- 
 dists have never preached ; but could obtain no 
 place to preach in, for love nor money. Dined at a 
 tavern, and then left them for the present; de- 
 termining, God willing, to see them again and 
 preach, either in some house, or in the street or 
 woods. 
 
 October 2. — In the evening spoke from Rev. iii. 
 30. I. The Door — the senses by which access is 
 gained to the understanding, conscience and pas- 
 sions. II. The Knocking — various measures used 
 by Divine mercy to gain our attention and our 
 hearts. III. Bolts upon the Door — the difficulties 
 
18i!2— 1825. 125 
 
 in the way of yielding our consent to the demands 
 of Clirist ; pride^ worldly lore, lusts of the eye — of 
 the flesh, unbelief, wrong views of God and Christ 
 rV". Duty enjoined — to hear, and open. V. The 
 Promise — " I will come in and sup with him." 
 
 October 11, 12. — Held Quarterly-meeting at Rj-e 
 — no Presiding Elder present. I had to act as his 
 substitute; felt awkward, but did as well as I 
 could. 
 
 November 22. — The week past has, I believe, been 
 spent to the glory of God and the good of His cause. 
 Eode many miles, attended five meetings, and 
 visited twenty families. My soul has grown in 
 grace and love. Heard Elias Hicks. The poor 
 man labored hard to destroy the truth of the Bible 
 History, and lower the character of Christ. 
 
 December 12. — ^For some days past the enemy 
 has assailed me with his fiery darts. My soul 
 has suffered, but I hope for victory. I saii on a 
 perilous sea, full of quicksands, shoals, narrows 
 and rocks ; but I will trust in my Pilot, and sail 
 on. The grace of God is sufficient. 
 
 February l.^The cold has been intense, but in 
 the name of my Divine Master I have kept my 
 appointments. The Local Preachers held their 
 Conference at "White Plains. Seven received 
 license to preach, and five were recommended to 
 travel. 
 
 Spend much of my time in visiting from house 
 to house. It is a great cross, but always profita- 
 ble to myself, and I trust to others. 
 
126 JOURNAL. 
 
 February 14 — Unpleasant weather for four days 
 past, yet held meeting every evenjng. This day 
 a circumstance took place that wounded me to 
 the heart. I thank God for a tender conscience, 
 and pray that whenever I go astray from the path 
 of holiness, in thought, word or deed, I may feel 
 godly sorrow in all its poignancy. God forbid 
 that I should heal, or be healed, slightly — daub or 
 be daubed with untempered mortar. 
 
 March 2. — Sunday was a day of labor and toil. 
 Kode twenty-four miles, and preached three times. 
 Spoke plain words. Cold weather, and cold 
 hearts. O that my head were a fountain of tears, 
 that I might weep day and night for myself and 
 for others ! 
 
 March 5. — This day preached twice — once at 
 the funeral of a man who, I fear, has lost his soul. 
 I visited him, and tried to awaken his mind to a 
 sense .of his danger ; but my efforts only seemed 
 to irritate him. Awful thought! How danger- 
 ous to spend life in sin, neglecting religion, and 
 be forsaken of God in death. 
 
 March 16. — Shut in hj a tremendous snow- 
 storm. Our winter has been mild, and we may 
 look for a cold, backward spring; but our Heav- 
 enly Father knows what is best for us. I am 
 williiig to leave all to Him. I sometimes wonder 
 He does not destroy the whole race, we are so 
 distrustful and ungrateful. But He is God and 
 not man, therefore we are not consumed. 
 . May 13 — A poor sinner! Surely I am a brand 
 
1822—1825. 127 
 
 plucked out of the fire ! I am utterly unworthy 
 to he employed as the Lord's messenger. The 
 excellency of the power is of God, and not of me. 
 The long-suffering goodness and tender mercy of 
 the Lord is very great towards me. Had I a 
 thousand tongues, and if they were to be eternally 
 employed in praising God, I should come infinite- 
 ly short of rendering Him all His due. may 
 His. goodness lead me to repentance, gratitude 
 and obedience. 
 
 This morning I finished reading the Book of 
 Zeehariah. It contains some remarkable prophe- 
 cies. I. John the Baptist. H. The suffering of 
 Christ. HL The triumphant entry of Christ into 
 Jerusalem. IV. The betrayal of Christ by Judas. 
 Y. The spread and success of the Gospel. How 
 rich a field is God's Holy Word! Here you may 
 find matter for endless meditation. We behold 
 the wonders of Creation, Providence, and Grace — 
 of History, of Chronology, of Divinity, of Heav- 
 en, of Hell — the wretched state of man by sin, 
 and the foundation and means of his recovery. 
 the depth, both of the wisdom and goodness of 
 God! How unsearchable are His counsels and 
 His ways past finding- out! 
 
 May 14.^Finished reading the Old Testament 
 again, by course. Malachi, the last of the Old 
 Testament Prophets, closes the canon with a 
 severe reproof to Israel and the priests of the 
 Lord. He speaks of the coming of John ; of the 
 spread and success of the Gospel ; of the happy 
 
128 JOUKNAL. 
 
 state of those that fear the Lord; of the des- 
 truction of the Jewish nation, under the figure of 
 a burning oven — probahly the Roman War under 
 Titus is meant. 
 
 Some reject the Old Testament entirely, some 
 in part; but I think we have muoli cause to tliunk 
 God for preserving tlie stream of truth jiure. If 
 we reject the Old, how can we understand the 
 N"ew Testament, which constantly refers to the 
 Old? Is it not a strong coniirmatioji of our faith, 
 to see so many wonderful prophecies, uttered by 
 men so long ago, fulfilled before our eyes? It is 
 a demonstration of the inspiration of those holy 
 men who spoke under the Old Covenant. It is 
 the oldest history of man — of God's Providence 
 over His Church for fifteen hundred years. 
 
 June 1. — Conference is past, and I am returned 
 to New llochelle Circuit again. Hard toil and 
 but little success. 
 
 July 25. — After preaching three times and trav- 
 eling twenty-one miles, felt, on returning home 
 in the evening, as young as a boy, and as light as 
 a hart. I felt that the peace and favor of God 
 were more to be prized than all the world beside. 
 
 July 30. — I do hunger and thirst after righteous- 
 ness, and hope to be filled. I generally observe 
 each Friday as a day of fasting or abstinence. 
 Sometimes I think it profitable, at other times I 
 doubt ; perhaps this is wrong. 
 
 O the matchless riches of Divine grace towards 
 ifie! 0, merciful Savioui, let, O let my soul and 
 
1822—1825. 129 
 
 body be filled and sanctified wholly to Thee, that 
 every wrong temper may be taken away, and I 
 possess all the fruits of the Spirit. 
 
 August 1. — Preached three times and met Class. 
 Speaking long and loud, in the open air, gave me 
 some cold and hoarseness. If any good is done 
 the Lord does it. He awakens, He justifies, He 
 sanctifies. Our place is in the dust. 
 
 August 2. — Lost ground by not watching to find 
 time and place for private prayer and meditation, 
 without which I cannot live, whatever others may 
 do. Too much company never agrees with me. 
 
 August 9. — Camp-meeting at Mosquito Cove, 
 L. L The meeting commenced well, and grew 
 better and better until its close. ^ 
 
 A Divine influence rested upon the people, and 
 many felt the mighty power of God to their sal- 
 vation — many were reclaimed, and about fifty con- 
 verted. Glory was Hi my soul, and glory all 
 around me. On Friday morning we closed with 
 a Lovefeast; the Lord's power was manifest like 
 a flame of fire. 
 
 August 20. — Attended a meeting for young dis- 
 ciples. It was pleasant and profitable to listen to 
 their testimony for God. Their prayers and 
 praises are a recompense for all our toil. 
 
 I am busy reading and preparing for the Sab- 
 bath ; yet all is in vain, without the unction of 
 the Holy Ghost. Lord, give me inward strength 
 and power with God! When I preach I prize. the 
 presence of the Most High above everything else: 
 
130 JOURNAL. 
 
 it in fact embraces everything — courage, power, 
 success and glory. 
 
 October 19 — Somewhat dull, . yet my heart is 
 fixed, and I hope it may never be moved from the 
 hope of the Gospel. More and more I see that I 
 must come out of self, and live in God. My 
 every breath is prayer for complete victory over 
 sin and Satan. In family worship was enabled to 
 consecrate all to the service of God. I mourn the 
 distracted state of the Society — little brotherly 
 love — talking behind each others' backs — too little 
 attention to the ordinances of Christ : but I hope 
 for better days. 
 
 October 28. — ^Preached two plain, searching ser- 
 mons; Satan was disturbed; this is one good 
 sign. It came too hot for some; they were 
 offended and ran away. I wept, prayed and ex- 
 horted. that my God would pour outHis Holy. 
 Spirit and save the people. 
 
1825-1826. 
 
 The Oldest Methodist on the Continent. — Family SicknesB.— 
 Conversion and Death df a Moralist— Birth- Day Reflections.— 
 Conference at Troy, N. Y. — Appointed to New Haven, Conn.— An 
 Affectionate "Welcome.— Hospitality of Bro. Elias Gilbert. — Labors 
 and Incidents. — A Backslider. — Prof. Stuart, of Andover. — Gloomy 
 Thoughts. — Reading Wesley's Sermons, — Longings for Holiness.— 
 Camp Meeting at Compo. — Pleading for Help and Success. — "Sofi 
 ■Words for Angry Ones." — Sickness and Trials. — Need of Watch- 
 fulness. — A Si'ck Man Converted, while receiving Baptism. — Im- 
 portance of the Ordinances illustrated. — Sinners Converted ; 
 Saints Rejoicing. 
 
 AECH 11. — Yesterday was a day of labor 
 and comfort. Preached tliree times to 
 large congregations, met three Classes, 
 and rode thirteen miles. To-day have been visit- 
 ing from house to house. Called on an old disci- 
 ple — perhaps the oldest Methodist now living on 
 the Continent. She was convei'ted in Captain 
 "Webb's house, while Mr. Pilmore was praying, 
 and joined Society in the old "sail-loft." She is 
 now eighty-seven years of age, yet sees and hears 
 well, her memory is good, her understanding clear, 
 and she has a bright evidence of her justification 
 and sanctification. I administered to her the Sac- 
 rament, and it was a precious season. 
 
 March 25. — My children are sick — one son ap- 
 parently near death. He is a sweet, forward child. 
 The Lord will do all things well. I give him to 
 God. 
 
132 JOURNAL. 
 
 March 26. — Called to attend a funeral, but had 
 to decline. Stephen begins to revive a little ; we 
 have some hope. 
 
 March 27. — Called to see a young man sick vidth 
 consumption, and found hina apparently near his 
 end. He was speechless, but soon revived, and I 
 prayed with him. When able to speak, I asked 
 him several questions, and found him building his 
 hopes on the sand — expecting the kingdom of 
 Heaven because he had lived a moral life, without 
 having been born of the Spirit. I saAV that his 
 time was short and the case urgent. There was 
 no time to flatter a soul just hovering over the 
 eternal world. I said, Richard, do you knoio the 
 pardoning love, of God ? His answer was in the 
 negative. I endeavored to show him his error 
 with great plainness and earnestness — exhorted 
 him to seek pardon through faith in Jesus Christ 
 alone, and left him. Blessed be God, the words 
 spoken made a deep impression. He began to 
 express a desire for salvation, and in a short time 
 to cry aloud for mercy. In about fifteen minutes 
 God spoke peace to his troubled soul, and he 
 praised God wifii a loud voice, exhorting all who 
 came to see him to seek the Lord. In about four 
 hours afterward, I returned. O, what a change iu 
 his countenance ! As soon as I looked at him, I 
 saw that he was a new man, and said, " Richard, 
 what is the matter with you ? " 
 
 " I have it ! " 
 
 " Have what ? " 
 
1825—1826.. 133 
 
 "Keligion in my soul," lie replied. 
 
 "Do 3'OU know tliat CJod, for Christ's sake, ling 
 forgiven all your sins, iinrltliat tiio love of God is 
 shed abroad in your heart, hy the Holy Ghost? 
 
 His answer was, "Yes, yes, now I know it; now 
 I feel it; now I am williuir to die. I long to go 
 I give the Lord my wiidlu heart — all that I have. 
 God is mine and I am Jlis" — with many other 
 similar expressions. 
 
 Some thought him deranged; hut though pro- 
 fessing Christians, they were ignorant of a work 
 of grace in their own hearts, and therefore the 
 things of God appeared foolishness to them. I 
 told them that he was just restored to his right 
 mind. He had been a moral young man, but he 
 knew not God. How many live and die thus 
 deluded ! 
 
 March 30.-^J?ichard is stilL living and still hap- 
 py, witnessing to all who visit him the excellency 
 of religion. 
 
 April 10. — This day committed to the earth the 
 body of Richard B., who was converted to God 
 just two weeks ago. He died in the Lord: his 
 last words were, " I am happy." 
 
 I preached his funeral discourse to a large and 
 attentive congregation, from "Except a man bo 
 born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." 
 I showed: I. The nature of the new birth. 1. It 
 is a spiritual change. 2. An inward change. 3. 
 A universal change. H. The evidences of this 
 change. 1. Peace with God and our own con- 
 
134 JOTJIINAL, 
 
 science. 2. Love to God and all men. 3. The 
 direct witness of God's Spirit with ours. III. 
 The fruits which it brings forth. 1. A holy life. 
 2. Heayenly-mindeduess. 3. Doadness to the 
 world. 4. A godly conversation. 5. Love for all 
 the commandments and ordinances of God. 6. 
 Acts of kindness and benevolence to men. IV. 
 The necessity of this change to our enjoyment of 
 God and Heaven ; because God is holy, and man, 
 in his fallen nature, imholy : therefore a man must 
 be born again before he can see, or enjoy God. 
 " That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that 
 which is born of the Spirit is Spirit; " and " tliey 
 that are in the Spirit do mind the things of tlie 
 Spirit," and they, and they only, serve, please and 
 enjoy God, and the things freely given to them of 
 God. 
 
 I bless God for the knowledge of salvation by 
 the forgiveness of sins. Some blamed me for my 
 plain and pointed exhortation to this young man ; 
 but the Lord owned it; the sinner was brought to 
 the Saviour, and the soul has escaped to glory. 
 God is glorified, and I will rejoice. 
 
 April 15. — My Birth-day. Thirty-five years of 
 age and no better! 
 
 Ten years in the ministry and know so little ! 
 I have much reason both for mourning and re- 
 joicing. In looking over the past, imperfection is 
 stamped on everything I have done; yet my life 
 has been crowned with mercies for which I rejoice. 
 I have been on this Circuit nearly two Conference 
 
1825—1826. 135 
 
 years — ^have preached three hundred and fifty 
 sermons, attended forty funerals, married twenty- 
 six couples, baptized I cannot say how many; be- 
 sides attending Praj^er-meetings, Camp-meetings 
 and Quarterly-meetings. "Where I shall go this 
 year I know not, and am not anxious to know. 
 "We shall leave many dear friends whomw.eiove 
 in the Lord, and may see them no more until we 
 meet at tlie Bar of God. 
 
 May 3. — ^Attended our Annual Conference at 
 Troy, ]S". T. "We had a busy session of nine days 
 . — great peace and harmony among the preachers. 
 I never enjoyed a Conference better; but was 
 greatly disappointed when my appointment was 
 announced. I desired a Circuit very much, for 
 many reasons; but was sent to New Haven, Conn. 
 I was born in this State, but had never seen it 
 since I was three years of age. I had heard many 
 things unfavorable to the people of Connecticut, 
 and dreaded to go ; but the decision admits of no 
 appeal : so, in the name of my Divine Master I 
 must make my arrangements to obey. 
 
 May 28. — Our route took us through New York 
 City. "We pdrted from our friends there, and on 
 Thursday took passage on board a sloop com- 
 manded by Capt. . "W. After a delightful run of 
 ten hours, with wind and waves in our favor, we 
 were safely landed at the Long Wharf in the beau- 
 tiful town of New Haven. We were treated very 
 courteously by the Officers and passengers on 
 board, and the good brethren of New Haven met 
 
136 JOUKNAL. 
 
 US on the dock and received us affectionately. "We 
 M'ere conducted to the house of Bro. Elias Gilbert, 
 where we were very kindly entertained. The 
 next day we went to the Parsonage, pleasantly 
 situated on "Wall St., a little above the Colleges; 
 a retired place, in an open, airy part.of the town, 
 
 New Haven is pleasantly situated ; perhaps the 
 most pleasant little city in this country. The 
 buildings are neat, some of them spacious. The 
 Colleges are in a row, west of the Green — ^^rather 
 old looking buildings; The four principal churches 
 are on the Green, or public Square. 
 
 How refreshing to the heart of an Itinerant 
 minister, after leaving warm-hearted friends in his 
 last field of labor, on coming to his new home 
 among entire strangers, to be met with open arms 
 and a hearty welcome ! Such was our reception in 
 this place, and it will never be forgotten. I felt at 
 home at once. 
 
 May 31. — On Sunday commenced my labors 
 among this dear people. Preached three times; 
 the Lord made me a blessing to them. I feel a 
 deep sense of my utter inability for the great work 
 of the ministry, without the inspiration of the Al- 
 mighty to give me understanding. No one but 
 God knows, or can know my feelings. 
 
 June 9. — At Quarterly Conference last evening 
 there was a controversy about uniting Hamden 
 with New Haven. I could see no great good that 
 would result from the union, though I said but 
 little until they had finished. I then remarked, 
 
1825—1826. 137 
 
 tliat as the proper authorities of the Church had 
 made the arrangement, and no doubt thought it 
 for the best ; as I was for order and not rebellion, I 
 was disposed to submit to whatever personal sac- 
 rifice it might cost me; and if they would leave it 
 to me I would miake such exchanges as would be 
 satisfactory to all concerned. So we settled the 
 affair, I trust in friendship. 
 
 June 10. — This afternoon, in making my round 
 of pastoral visits, I found several backsliders — one, 
 an old man whose head was white as the winter's 
 snow. He once enjoyed the love of God for thir- 
 teen years, but is now awfully fallen by inteiuper- 
 ance, and has neither resolution nor strength to a- 
 rise. Awful ! near eternity, and as near hell as 
 eternity! I felt for him, and pressed him closely 
 to fly to God for mercy vdthout delay. 
 
 At another place the Lord reached the heart of 
 a lady during prayer, who was too proud to kneel; 
 but after prayer and a pointed exhortation, she 
 wept and promised to seek the Lord. 
 
 JuneVj. — Last evening, heard a powerful dis- 
 course on the Law, by Prof. Stuart of Andover, in 
 the Centre Church. But he left the poor sinner 
 hopeless as well as helpless. He had no Christ, 
 lio evangelical doctrine which points to the Lamb 
 of God. 
 
 June 20. — Four sermons yesterday make me 
 feel Monday-ish to-day. I almost invariably feel 
 dissatisfied with myself after preaching — compli- 
 ments from others add nothing to my enjoyment. 
 
138 JOURNAL. 
 
 If God's people are sanctified, sinners converted, 
 mid God glorified, then I rejoice. 
 
 June, 22. — Was greatly encouraged tWs morning 
 in reading Mr. Wesley's ninth discourse on our 
 Lord's Sermon on the Mount. My faith was 
 strengthened. I could trust the Lord for meat and 
 drink, for house and home, for grace and glory._ 
 
 I sometimes ask — Wliat will become of my lit- 
 tle ones by and by ? I do but just support my 
 family by the most rigid economy — what shall we 
 do when they grow larger ? Who will educate 
 them ? Who will care for their poor, old super- 
 ainulated parents? Had I continued in my busi- 
 ness, and not given my vi'gor and prime of life to 
 the service of the Church, perhaps I might have had 
 as much of this world's goods as some of our close- 
 fisted, unfeeling hearers and members, and might 
 have supported my family comfortablj'^, with some- 
 thing to spare for the poor and the Church. But 
 why these g'loomy thoughts ? The Lord will 
 provide. I can throw away all care that torments 
 me, arid trust the Lord and His good Providence. 
 
 June, 26. — Finished reading Mr. Wesley's ser- 
 mons on our Lord's Sermon on the Mount. How 
 forcible his reasoning, how just his conclusions, 
 how spiritual his views, how deep his penetration,' 
 how plain his style, how much of the spirit of the 
 Divine Master he must have possessed ! 
 
 June, 30. — Good prayer-meeting last evening — ■ 
 the breth'ren prayed with power; mercy-drops 
 are falling. I am greatly encouraged. 
 
1825—1826; ISfl* 
 
 July 1. — The Lord gjire mc free access to His 
 Throne. 1 was led to pray . First, for personal 
 holiness. Second, for tiiiderstaiiding to know, and 
 a gift to teach the Holy Scriptures. Third, that I 
 may be an example in my family, by governing my 
 own temper aright — by never speaking unadvised- 
 ly, and by training my children wholly for the 
 Lord. Fourth, that I may be rendered more use- 
 ful to the Church and congregation in this place. 
 
 July 7. — Last night in our prayer-meeting, the 
 cloud broke, the Sun of Righteousness arose with 
 healing in his wings. The Good Shepherd came 
 and feasted his sheep. 
 
 July 22. — Spent the day in company with the 
 Presiding Elder. Visited Hartford, Middletown 
 and other places. At Hartford met Bishop George. 
 
 July 29. — The Lord is giving some tokens of 
 good. There is an increase of members and seri- 
 ousness at our prayer-meetings. Some believers 
 are hungry after holiness. May the little cloud 
 overspread the thirsty land ! 
 
 August 22. — Have just returned from Camp-meet- 
 ing held at Compo. It was a time of God's power ; 
 many were converted, many reclaimed, many sanc- 
 tified. Glory be to God — to His name be praise 
 forever and ever ! We had a trial of our faith, 
 being detained by a terrible storm from Friday 
 until Monday noon; ^We continued our meetings, 
 and about thirty were converted during the storm. 
 I took sixteen from this place into Class. 
 
 Auyust 28. — 0, how important a part have I to 
 
110 JOURJTAL. 
 
 act this da}'; m}- soul trembles at tlic tliouj^Lt. 
 Lord, I fly to Thee for help. Let my niiiul bo 
 enlightened by thy Holy Spirit. If thou hast call- 
 ed me unto the Gospel ministry, make me skillful 
 to win souls. Let Tiiy word dwell in me richly. 
 Let Thy Spirit speak to the inmost souls of the 
 hearers this day. The Lord hearken and answer ! 
 
 August 30. — ^Ilave established a prayer-meeting 
 in my own house, on Monday evenings, for the 
 special benefit of the youth. The young disciples 
 had a precious time last night. About twelve 
 have been converted, and several more are serious. 
 May the good Spirit carry on his blessed work! 
 
 August 31. — ^Last night my faith and patience 
 were sorely tried, being treated in the most abusive 
 and insolent manner for bluntly, but ti'uthfully, ex- 
 posing sin. Oh how merciful the Lord was to me ! 
 His grace governed my spirit, so that I felt perfectly 
 calm in the midst of the storm, and was enabled 
 to give soft words for angry ones, and pray for my 
 enemies 
 
 September 2.— ^Yesterday we buried one of our 
 most active and excellent sisters. I trust that our 
 loss is her infinite gain; for we had " hope in her 
 death." My own dear wife is also v<;ry ill ; but 
 my hope and prayer is that she may recover, if the 
 will of God be so. As to myself, I have many 
 trials, and need a closer walk with God. Yet I 
 trust that all things will work for my good, for I 
 do love God, His people. His cause, and His re- 
 ward. O, baptize Thy poor servant with unction 
 from on high ! 
 
1825—1826. 141 
 
 September 9. — Just returned from Camp-meeting 
 at Haverstraw. The Lord of Hosts was with His 
 people. The preachers delivered the word with 
 power ; the people heard in faith, and good was 
 done. 
 
 "When among my best friends I feel the need of 
 most watchfulness, lest I give too much license to 
 my flow of feelings, and fall into trifling. 
 
 September 10. — ^Low spirits. Why is it? I hard- 
 ly know, unless it is fatigue of body. Perhaps I 
 have not taken up the cross as I should have done, 
 or perhaps I have sought the praise of men. Duty 
 and not feeling is the rule by which I should be 
 guided. I was reproved this morningin, reading 
 Mr. Wesley's sermon on zeal. Perhaps I am too 
 anxious about the smccss of my labor. I need 
 more humility. 
 
 September 12. — A messenger came in great haste 
 for me to go four miles into the country to see a 
 sick man. I found him with a burning fever, and 
 with but little hope of recovery. I asked him for 
 what intent he had sent fop me. He replied that 
 he wished to be baptized. 
 
 "Have you ever experienced religion ?" I asked. 
 He replied in the negative. 
 
 " Do you believe in the inspiration of the Holy 
 Scriptures?" 
 
 "I do." 
 
 "Do you believe in theDivinity of Jesus Christ?" 
 
 "Yes," was the prompt- answer. 
 
 I then told him he could receive baptism. He 
 
142 JOURNAL. 
 
 entered into covenant, and took the baptismal 
 obligations upon him with a full heart. When I 
 applied the water to his face, in the name of the 
 Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, 
 God applied the Spirit to his soul, and he shouted 
 " Glory to God," with all his strength. "When I 
 had prayed, I asked : 
 
 " Has God blessed you ? " 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 " Do you think that your sins are forgiven ?" 
 
 "Yes, I feel that God, for the sake of Jesus 
 Christ, has pardoned all my sins." 
 
 "Do you now think you are a child of God ?" 
 
 "Yes, when you applied the water to my body, 
 the Holy Spirit bore witness to mine that I was 
 born of God. I am happy, happy, and ready to 
 die." 
 
 God was there ; the whole house seemed to be 
 filled with the Divine glory. He'was a man of 
 intelligence, and of good report a-mong his neigh- 
 bors. He lived about two weeks in a happy frame 
 of mind, and then died, in peace. 
 
 By some persons the Ordinances of the Lord's 
 house, as Baptism and the Lord's Supper, are neg- 
 lected; by others they are thought quite unneces- 
 sary — that we can be equally as good and holy 
 without them as with them. But I think that 
 none, not even the least of the commands of God, 
 can be neglected or despised without loss to our 
 own souls. These ordinances are not only 'to be 
 considered as obligatory, but as means of grace — 
 
1825—1826. 143 
 
 channels through which the grace and mercy of 
 God in Christ Jesus are to be received. I have 
 witnessed, in several instances besides the one 
 above related, the good effects resulting from their 
 administration, 
 
 I was once called' to see a sick woman who had 
 been a member of our Society, but moving from 
 place to place, had lost her standing and her re- 
 ligion. I found her extremely weak, scarcely able 
 to lift her hand. Her mind was in darkness, yet 
 she had a strong desire to find her Saviour, and 
 be reconciled to her God. As she had never been 
 baptized, she requested me to administer the Holy 
 Sacraments to her. Accordingly I proceeded, and 
 after baptizing her with water in the name of the 
 Holy Trinity ; I consecrated the elements for the 
 Holy Eucharist — but to my surprise, when I offer- 
 ed her the bread she declined receiving it; and O, 
 the struggle of her soul at that moment cannot be 
 described ! Several Christian friends being pres- 
 ent, we prayed with and for. her, and notwith- 
 standing her weak state of body, the distress of 
 her soul was so great, that without help she turned 
 herself over in the bed, and prayed so loud that 
 she quite drowned my voice. After a moment's 
 pause I offered her the bread again; she again 
 declined. On further questioning her I found 
 there had been an old quarrel between her and 
 some other persons, and she was so sensibly affect- 
 ed by the remembrance of it at that time, that she 
 thought God would not bless her, and that it 
 
144 JOURNAL. 
 
 would be improper for her to receive the Sacra- 
 ment until she should see them, and have the dif- 
 ficulty adjusted. I asked her if she cherished any 
 hardness, or envy, or malice against any person ? 
 She answered in the negative. 
 
 "Are you willing to forgive all your enemies?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 Then said I: "God will .bless you, whatever 
 they may think or do." 
 
 This seemed to give her encouragement. I 
 then, for the third time, asked her if she would 
 receive the tokens of her blessed Saviour's love? 
 She consented ; I gave her the bread, and she had 
 no sooner taken it into her mouth than the Lord 
 of glory gave her the Bread of Life, and she ex- 
 claimed : 
 
 " The Lord has come, the Lord has blessed my 
 soul! 0, how glad I ant I ever received this bread 
 My soul is happy ! " 
 
 She seemed to forget her bodily weakness, and 
 was lost in wonder, love and praise. It was a 
 most refreshing season to all present. She con- 
 tinued to praise God, and exhort all around her to 
 praise and serve Him, too, until the next morning, 
 when she fell asleep in Jesus; and I trust has gone 
 to enjoy those pleasured* which are at His right 
 hand, forevermore. 
 
 Another instance was a womap, sick with con- 
 sumption, who had found peace several months 
 before, but had never received the Ordinances. I 
 was called to administer them to her about two 
 
1825—1826. 145 
 
 weeks before her death. I first baptized ber with 
 water ; then broke to her, in company with a Pres- 
 byterian minister and his wife, with others, the 
 Sacramental bread. "When I gave her the cnp she 
 was enabled to praise God aloud. She afterwards 
 said that was the happiest moment she had ever 
 experienced in her whole life. She lived about 
 two weeks without a cloud or a doubt, and then 
 died in peace; and is, I trust, with Jesus, where 
 she will drink the wine of the kingdom forever. 
 
 November 9. — Last night was a sweeping time. 
 The power and presence of God filled the place 
 where we were assembled, and the love of Jesus 
 filled the hearts of His people. Sinners trembled 
 and cried for mercy. I found the word preached 
 on Sunday had taken effect; eeveral had been 
 wounded by the two-edged sword of the Spirit. 
 
 Yet my own mind is cast down. I had to war 
 against my feelings all night and this day. At 
 best I am an unprofitable servant, but Jesus died 
 for me. 0, how precious the doctrine of salvation 
 by faith in Christ Jesus ! 
 
 December b.-. — God is carrying on His work. Six 
 professed conversion last Thursday, and seven 
 joined Class last evening. One man found peace 
 in believing this morning. 
 
 Decemher 6. — Last night was a time of great 
 power. Numbers were cut to the heart, wept bit- 
 terly and cried for mercy. Many of God's people 
 were unspeakably happy in the love of Jesus. 
 Several older persons are serious, but the work, 
 as yet, is principally among the young. 
 
146 JOURNAL. 
 
 0, for wisdom to train tlieiii in faith and holi- 
 ness ! 
 
 December 26. — A stormy Christmas, and I fear 
 but little good was accomplished. Not well in 
 body and depressed in spirit. There is such close 
 connection between soul aild body, the latter often 
 weighs down the former. 
 
1826-1830. 
 
 Outline of a Sermon on the Barren Fig Tree. — First Sermon in 
 West Haven. — Rollln's Ancient Histonr. — The Divine Presence 
 wonderfully manifested. — " Not the Name, but the Thing." — 
 " Thoughts on Man." — Busy, but the Work pleasant. — Preaching, 
 a great Cross! Why? — Easter-Sunday; Outline of a Sermon on 
 the Eesurrection. — 'Jonversion of his little Son. — Conference of 
 1826. — Re-appointed to New-Haven. — The Bow bent at a, Ven- 
 ture. — Domestic Afflictions. — A Glorious Christmas. — Bible Bead- 
 ing by Course. — Retrospect of the Year. — Conference of 1827. — 
 Appointed to Middletown, Conn. — OflScial Neglect. — A Noble Spirit. 
 — Criticism of Rev. Mr. P's Sermon. — Dram-drinkins denounced. 
 — Camp-Meeting at Old Saybrook — A Visit to New-Haven. — Tlio 
 Work at Middletown progressing. — Delegate to the General Con- 
 ference at Pittsburg. — Annual Conference in New York City — 
 Dedication of the New Church at Middletown — Thirty-ninlli 
 Birth-Day. — Good-Friday and State Fast. 
 
 lOlSTDAY, January 2. — ^N'olwithstandi-ng the 
 darkness and mud, we held Watch-night, 
 and many a,ttended. They behaved well, 
 keeping their seats quietly for nearly iive hours. 
 Yesterday was stormy, but we had a refreshing 
 season at the Lord's Table in the morning, I can 
 say but little of myself, except that I am an un- 
 faithful, unworthy, and unprofitable servant; and 
 fear sometimes, that after I have preached to 
 others, I myself may become a castaway. 
 
 In the afternoon I spoke plain words from the 
 Parable of the Barren Fig-Tree. After introduc- 
 ing the subject I showed: L That God expects 
 fruit from His creatures in exact proportion to the 
 culture be has bestowed upon them. II. That the 
 
148 JOURNAL. 
 
 guilt of each individual will be proportioned to 
 the light and privileges he has enjoyed, or neg- 
 lected and abused. III. That the time will come 
 when God will punish the unfaithful, and their 
 punishment will be in proportion to their guilt. 
 
 Thursday, 12. — Rode out to West Haven and 
 preached to a housefull from Acts v. 31. Had 
 some freedom, and trust good was done. But I 
 took cold, and fever and chills followed. However, 
 ventured to Church on Sunday, and preached 
 three times: took a powerful "pulpit sweat," 
 retired at ten o'clock, and arose the neift morning 
 much better in body, and Sweetly given up to God 
 in my soul. 
 
 Friday, March 3. — To-day, finished reading Rol- 
 lin's Ancient History for the second time. Here 
 we see the rise and fall of states, republics, king- 
 doms, and empires. Our faith in God is confirm- 
 ed, as we trace the fulfillment of prophecies deliv- 
 ered many years before. What is all human 
 greatness, glory, beauty or pleasure ? Where are 
 all the statesmen, generals, kings, emperors, poets 
 and, philosophers who made so great a flourish in 
 history ? Where are Xerxes, Alexander, Pompey, 
 Anthony and Csesar, to whom millions submitted 
 with fear and trembling? Where those mighty 
 empires of the past — those renowned cities, with 
 their amazing glory and magnificence ? They are . 
 gone : their names only are left to teach man the 
 vanity of earthly fame. We may learn not to fear 
 man, nor put trust in princes, but in the living 
 
1826—1830. 149 
 
 God. Religion alone is imperishable; and onl_y 
 heavenly treasures and honors will endure the 
 revolutions of time, and abide forever. 
 
 Friday, 10. — This evening, I have had such a 
 sweet sense of the Divine presence as almost over- 
 came my poor body. My soul is fall of love to 
 God and man. Every faculty seems lost in God 
 my Saviour. I rejoice with exceeding great joy, 
 and feel deeply humbled under the mighty hand 
 of God. In our Class-meeting several cried aloud 
 for mercy, and two found peace through faith in 
 Christ Jesus — a husband and wife kneeling side 
 by side; only about ten minutes between the time 
 of their spiritual birth. He is a son of Bro. E. G. , 
 one of our oldest members. 
 
 Sunday, 12. — A day of toil. One more born of 
 God — a lady with whom I have labored some time, 
 striving to show her the way of salvation. The 
 Lord has slain the pride of her heart, and she now 
 sits at the feet of Jesus. 
 
 Monday, 13. — All peace within. I awoke trust- 
 ing in God, and was happy. What is this but 
 perfect love or sanctification? It is not the name 
 but the thing that we want. preserve me blame- 
 less until the coming of the Lord Jesus ! 
 
 THOUGHTS ON MAN. 
 
 L The natural man. IL The awakened or en- 
 lightened man. III. The converted or regenerated 
 man. IV. The triumphant man. 
 
 I. By the. natural man, I mean one destitute of 
 the Grace of Christ — one who follows his own 
 
150 JOURNAL. 
 
 natural passions — is led by Ms own reason and 
 desires. He is in darkness respecting spiritual 
 things. Darkness veils his eyes, closes his ears, 
 and shuts him up in a dark prison-house, so that 
 he cannot receive the things of the Spirit; for he 
 cannot discern or know them. How can a blind 
 man distinguish colors, or a deaf man judge of 
 sound ? -With him, spiritual illumination is a sort 
 of madness ; to talk of receiving the Holy Ghost 
 is fanaticism. He sees no happiness but in self- 
 indulgence and sensual pleasure ;- the world is his 
 home, self, is his god, worldly pleasure his heaven. 
 
 He has no fear of God before his eyes : hence 
 he is daring and presumptuous, mocks at sin, ridi- 
 cules everything serious, and rushes on in folly, 
 regardless of consequences. 
 
 He has no love to God. He does not retain 
 Him in his thoughts. -His mind is carnal ; hence 
 liis enmity to holiness; "for the carnal mind is 
 enmity against God, is not subject to His law, nor 
 indeed can be" — it abhors everything that resem- 
 bles God. He may engage in forms of outward 
 worship, but cannot delight in warm, fervent de- 
 votion. 
 
 He chooses his own way, violates God's law, 
 and contemns His authority. He is a child of 
 wrixth ; i. e. he is worthy of it, deserves it, it rests 
 upon him. He is a criminal under sentence of 
 death, but heeds it not. Hell is opening to receive 
 him, but he regards it not, and rushes on to his 
 own destruction. 
 
1826—1830. 151 
 
 This is the state of every man until God, in His 
 mercy, awakens him. Here he lies fast asleep in 
 the arms of the devil, till smitten by the hand of 
 God, and enlightened by the spirit of Truth. 
 
 n. The awakened man is one who knows him- 
 self, and sees his true condition. God awakens 
 the natural man. He may employ means, but He 
 and He ahne does the work. Sometimes by the 
 direct influence of His Spirit — sometimes by His 
 word, read or preached — sometimes by Providen- 
 tial visitations ; but it'is God alone who causes the 
 light to shine into the darkness of the natural heart, 
 and alarms the fears of the natural man. He 
 brings him to know himself in his wretchedness 
 and destitution, his sins and his danger. This is a 
 thrilling period in his history. Life and death are 
 set before him, and he is called upon to choose life 
 that he may live. The door of repentance is 
 thrown open; the voice of God is heard calling 
 him to believe the Gospel ; the Saviour promises 
 to seal his pardon with His own blood. 
 
 So far, he is visited by the Holy Spirit without 
 his desire or choice; but now he may follow or re- 
 sist his convictions. Should he resist, he falls back 
 into his old state of darkness and death; should he 
 consent to follow the Spirit, it will lead to his con- 
 version. 
 
 It may not be amiss to give some characteristics 
 of this man. The veil is taken from his eyes, and 
 he sees things in their true light. He is sick at 
 heart, and disrelishes what before gave him fte 
 
152 JOURNAL. 
 
 greatest delight. He looks into the holy Law of 
 God, and sees that he is vile and unclean ; that his 
 whole life has been an abominable rebellion against . 
 God. God is justly displeased with him, and might, 
 justly, have sent him to perdition. He is in alarm, 
 lest the deserved wrath of a sin-avenging God 
 should overtake him, and sink him to the lowest 
 hell. Awful terrors seize his soul. His fancied 
 righteousness flees away and leaves him naked. 
 He no longer needs an accuser — he is self-accused. 
 He weeps, confesses his sins, and blames no one 
 but himself. His soul mourns for the past, and 
 trembles for the future. Sorrow and anguish de- 
 prive him of sleep and appetite. 
 
 He now forms the purpose to flee from the 
 wrath to come, and inquires with the greatest 
 solicitude what he must do to be saved. He has 
 become teachatle as a child; stripped. of his vain 
 opinions, his pride is laid in the dust. The sincere 
 language of his heart is, show me the way and I 
 will walk in it. 
 
 No soul this side of hell is more unhappy than 
 this mourning penitent. He ought to love God, 
 but he does not. He would break the power of 
 his sins, but he cannot ; he is in despair of saving 
 himself. 
 
 Now, the voice of glad tidings comes from Cal- 
 vary: "Behold the Lamb of God!" "Believe 
 on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be 
 saved." Hope springs up in the despairing soul. 
 Can this be for me, the chief of sinners ? Yes, 
 
1826—1830. 153 
 
 for thee, thou coucTemned one. Jesus tasted death 
 for every man. lie died for thee, and he that 
 ibelieveth shall not perish, but have everlasting 
 life. 
 
 E'ow the self-condemned, enlightened sinner 
 gives up every plea beside. "I am condemned, 
 but Christ has died." He now lays hold on the 
 hope set before him ; he believes and is saved. 
 God -speaks and it is done. His soul is free, the 
 burden falls off, he leaps and praises God. 'A 
 mighty work is wrought in him. This is conver- 
 sion or regeneration. 
 
 in. The converted man is one whoso sins are ■ 
 forgiven-^one who is " born again" — born of the 
 Spirit; who has passed fi-om death unto life ; who 
 is a new ci'eatUre in Christ Jesus. In this man 
 has been effected a great work included in two 
 , words, viz. justification and regeneration. 
 
 Justification is a judicial proceeding. The 
 man is brought to the bar, tried, convicted and 
 condemned. He does not attempt to clear him- 
 self, but pleads guilty to every charge. He pleads 
 for pardon, not on the ground of innocence, or 
 merit in himself, but on Gospel principles, through 
 faith in a crucified Redeemer — faith in Christ's 
 merits and atonement — faith makes Jesus his. 
 
 Now his cause, by faith, is given to the great 
 and righteous Mediator, the Lord Jesus Christ. 
 Jesus now presents His own blood and death in 
 behalf of the trembling culprit, and demands 
 that he be pardoned on the ground of His merits. 
 
154 JOURNAL. 
 
 He meets the demand of the law for the sinner 
 who works not, but believes on Him who justifies 
 the ungodly, and bears the punishment due to his 
 sins. 
 
 Here Justice is satisfied, and Mercy and Justice 
 sweetly unite in the pardon of the believing peni- 
 tent. God from His throne of grace, well pleased 
 with what His well beloved Son has done and 
 suffered, justifies the penitent from all his past 
 sins, and the punishment due to his sins. God 
 speaks and it is done. The work is instantaneous 
 and complete. The man is as innocent as though 
 he had never sinned. God now adopts him as 
 His child, and by the power of the Holy Ghost 
 renews him in righteousness. This is regenera- 
 tion, generally wrought at the same time with 
 justification. 
 
 Now, because God has adopted him as His 
 child, He sends forth the Spirit of His Son (Jesus) 
 into his heart, crying "Abba, Father." The 
 Spirit itself bearing witness with his spirit that he 
 is a child of God, and he shouts from the fullness 
 and simplicity of his soul, "Abba, Father." 
 
 The evidences of justification and regeneration 
 are, 1. Peace, quietness of soul. The load of guilt 
 is removed, the wrath of God has disappeared^ 
 the law ceases to thunder against him, and he 
 reads Avith infinite delight that " Christ is become 
 the end of the law for righteousness to every one 
 that believeth ;" and " being justified by faith, we 
 have peace with God through our Lord Jesus 
 
1826—1830. 165 
 
 Christ." 2. Pmoer over sin. He feels that the 
 reign of sin is destroj^ed, its power is broken. He 
 may and will feel that sin does exist ; its remains 
 are still in his heart, but it does not reign. He 
 has power over his thoughts, his words, his con- 
 duct; his old habits are broken like Samson's 
 withes in a moment. happy change ! He finds 
 himself at liberty to follow the Lord Jesus. 
 3. Love to God and man. He loves the holy and 
 blessed God as his reconciled Father, and sees 
 Him worthy of his supreme affection. This leads 
 him to hate sin because it is displeasing to God. 
 The name of Jesus is precious to him, for He is 
 now become his Saviour. He loves the Holy 
 Spirit, now become his Comforter, and dwelling 
 in him. He sees a charm in holiness that inspires 
 him with, strong and constant longings after its 
 fullness. He loves the voice of prayer and praise, 
 and delights to meditate on God and the things 
 of God. 
 
 The love that God has shown to him while a 
 poor, hell-deserving sinner, leads him to love his 
 brother — every child of man. He loves with 
 complacency those who love God; those who 
 hate God Ijie loves with pity. He can now forgive 
 his enemies, and pray for his persecutors. He 
 longs for all the world to come and taste and see 
 tow good the Lord is : this leads him to acts of 
 charity and piety. 4. Obedience. He, now yields 
 to God due obedience. His commandments are 
 his delight. He studies to know the will of the 
 
156 JOURNAL. 
 
 Lord, and avoids whatever will offend Ms gracious 
 Saviour and Heavenly Father. His command- 
 ments are not grievous ; he can leave all for 
 Christ. He walks by faith, and keeps his eye on 
 iTeaven. 5. Happiness. He is happy. His hap- 
 piness is not dependent on outward circumstances, 
 but an indwelling God. Let poverty, affliction, 
 persecution and death come, he still is happy, and 
 has a hope full of glorj-. Heaven is his home, 
 God his portion, Christ his Saviour and elder 
 Brother; angels and glorified spirits his compan- 
 ions. Gladly does he consent to be a pilgrim on 
 the earth, that he may win the heavenly rest. 
 
 rV. The regenerated man is a conqueror. He tri- 
 umphs over sin, the devil, the world, and at last 
 over death and hell. He then receives the crown, 
 the kingdom and the glory. 
 
 God grant us the victory, through our Lord 
 Jesus Christ! 
 
 Monday, 20. — For a week past, have had little 
 time for reading or study. So many wounded in 
 spirit to be cared for, and so many other calls, I 
 have been busy from early morning until late at 
 night. But the work has been pleasant. Several 
 have been translated from darkness to light, and 
 from the power and bondage of sin into the glori- 
 ous liberty of the sons of God. 
 
 Saturday, 25. — Saturday is a day of peculiar trial 
 to me. So great is the cross, that the very thought 
 of preaching on the Sabbath weighs down my 
 spirit and relaxes my whole frame. What is the 
 
1826—1830. 157 
 
 cause of this ? Is it fear of man ? I think not, 
 though I am naturally, timid. Is it pride? I 
 think not, for I am not over anxious what others 
 may think or say about me as a preacher. I desire 
 to have them love the truth I bring them. I think 
 it arises mostly from a sense of the greatness of 
 the work, and my own deep responsibility. I 
 wish to trust only in God, and while I make all 
 the preparation for the pulpit I am able, I would 
 fain feel that all my sufficiency is of God, and 
 lean upon Him alone for support. He is pleased, 
 notwithstanding my unworthiness, to employ me 
 in His service in publishing the glad tidings of the 
 Gospel, and in . every place He has been more or 
 less pleased to own and bless my feeble labors for 
 the salvation of souls. He has given me thou- 
 sands of seals to my ministry : may they be stars 
 in the crown of my rejoicing! 
 
 Here He has poured out His Spirit : many are 
 now inquiring what they must do to be saved, and 
 more than fifty have found the Lord. Last even- 
 ing we had a precious social meeting; fifty gave 
 in their testimony for the Lord, and five joined 
 Class. 
 
 Sunday, 26. — ^Easter-Stmday ; preached three 
 times. In the morning, on the Resurrection, from 
 Matt, xxviii. 6. I. Proved the fact, "Christ is 
 risen." 1. Acknowledged by all, friends and 
 enemies, that Christ was dead. 2. That He was 
 buried in a certain tomb. 3. That on the mori^g 
 of the third day after its burial, the body was gone 
 
158 JOUBNAL. 
 
 from its resting-place. It follows tliat tlie bodji 
 was taken away, or it rose from the dead. If it 
 was taken away, it was done either by friends or 
 enemies. His friends could not have done it, for 
 they were few, poor, without power, frightened and 
 disheartened. That His enemies would not take it 
 away is equally certain, for it was their policy and 
 interest to keep it there. Hence their precautions 
 — the stone — the guard. 
 
 It follows, then, that He arose, according to the 
 Scriptures. The arguments to prove this fact are, 
 1. The number of witnesses: one, two, ten, elev- 
 en, five hundred. 2. The testimony is direct, not 
 hypothetical — they see, they hear, they feel. 3. 
 The agreement of the testimony with itself and 
 with each other, at all times and in all places, and 
 before all men. 4. The time when it was given, 
 the place where it was given, and the boldness 
 which characterized the testimony. 5. The wit- 
 ness of the Holy Ghost on the day of Pentecost, 
 and the power and success which attended its at- ■ 
 testation. 6. The testimony of the Spirit in the 
 hearts of those who believe in Jesus. 
 
 n. The necessity of His Eesurrection. 1. To 
 confirm the predictions of the prophets. 2 To 
 confirm His own solemn declarations. 3. That 
 His claims to the Messiahship might be vindicated. 
 4. That the faith of His disciples might be con- 
 firmed, and their hopes revived. 5. That we 
 might know that God had accepted Him as the 
 Sacrifice for the sins of the world. 6. That re- 
 
1826—1830. 159 
 
 pentance and remission of sins might be preached 
 in His ITame, in all the earth. 7. That our faith 
 in Him as our Saviour might be justified. 
 
 HI. The benefits of His Resurrection. 1. It is 
 positive proof that He is our Prophet, Priest and 
 King — our complete Saviour. 2. It is a pledge of 
 our resurrection from the dead, and Eternal Life 
 after death. 
 
 Monday, April 3. — ^Yesterday, after preaching 
 three times, administering the Lord's Supper, and 
 admitting eleven into the Church, felt weary 
 enough; but this morning, am abundantly re- 
 freshed both in body and mind. Everything in 
 the Church, temporal and spiritual, goes forward 
 with great harmony. 0, for wisdom and grace to 
 go in and out among this people as becomes a 
 minister of the Lord Jesus ! 
 
 April 14. — Wonderful to tell! Who will be- 
 lieve it ? My little son Stephen, about three years 
 of age, seemed to be deeply interested in the things 
 of religion, and to receive a great blessing at 
 church last Sabbath. For five days past he has 
 evinced in his life as good evidence of a real work 
 of grace in his heart, as is shown by adults. But 
 who will believe that God, by the, influences of His 
 Holy Spirit, works in the hearts of such httle chil- 
 dren ? I believe it to be a possible case. Though 
 the child may be entirely ignorant of the Agent, 
 he may as really feel its influence, as though able 
 to comprehend the office and work of the Holy 
 Spirit. A child may feel the wind blow, before he 
 
160 JOURNAL. 
 
 knows what the wind is. I have given all my 
 children to God in Baptism, and consecrated them 
 to Him from their birth, and hope and trust they 
 will all come to know and love the Lord. 
 
 Monday, Way 22. — The Conference for 1826 has 
 closed, and I am returned to New Haven, Conn. 
 My pulpit was occupied yesterdg,y by Dr. Fisk, 
 Bros. E. "Washbourn, and J. Z. Nichols. 
 
 I need more of the Spirit of Jesus, especially 
 in social conversation. A good pastor must be 
 always in the Spirit, that his conversation may be 
 with grace to the edification of others. 
 
 Monday, June 19. — The Lord sustained me in 
 my labors yesterday, and enabled me to speak 
 plain, clear; and close words. Many felt the sharp 
 sword, and some thought I had been, informed 
 against them. In this they were mistaken. The 
 bow was bent at a venture, and God directed the 
 arrow. 
 
 July 3. — I have commenced a course of Ser- 
 mons on_our Lord's Prayer. L have preached 
 three, and expect to preach three more, if God 
 permits. I cannot bear the thought of preaching 
 long, dry, useless sermons. I want to see the 
 power of the Holj'^ Ghost displayed, sinners cut to 
 the heart, and saints built up in holiness. 
 
 Saturday, 22. — My family have been, and are now 
 in aflBiction. Three children with whooping-cough, 
 my wife worn out with fatigue, and our hired girl 
 sick. I have had scarcely a whole night's rest for 
 three months; but I must preach. My head 
 
1826—1830. 161 
 
 aches: who can think or study under such cir- 
 cumstances? Lord sanctify all Thy dealings to 
 our good. 
 
 August 2.^Spent last Sahbath in Middletown, a 
 pleasant little city on the Connecticut River, 
 about twenty-six miles from its mouth. I preached 
 three times to attentive congregations, and en- 
 joyed a pleasant ride lo 'Sew Haven on Monday 
 morning. We had a powerful and profitable 
 prayer-meeting at my house in the evening. 
 
 Monday, September 11. — God's mercy exceeds the 
 bounds of thought. 0, what a debtor I am to 
 grace ! The Lord has sent a sweeping shower ; 
 many hard hearts have been softened within a few 
 days past, and several have found the Lord. Zion 
 revives, and looks up, and my soul is greatly re- 
 freshed. 
 
 Saturday, December 16. — This morning finished 
 reading the Old Testament by course, again. The 
 Old continually points to the New, and the New 
 refers back to the Old ; so that to understand one, 
 an acquaintance with both is necessary. for the 
 inspiration of the Almighty, that I may rightly 
 comprehend the Scriptures ! 
 
 December 26.— We had a glorious Christmas — a 
 blessed prayer-meeting at six in the morning; at 
 eleven, attended service at the Episcopal Church; 
 at two in the afternoon, preached to the children, 
 and catechised them; at night, a delightful Love- 
 feast ; some shouted for joy, some wept for mercy. 
 
 Thursday, 28. — Yesterday, finished reading the 
 
162 JOURNAL. 
 
 Bible in course. How pleasant to study the Chart 
 that shows us the way to Eternal Life ! To-day, 
 I commenced it again. Each morning I read two 
 Chapters in the Old, and one in the New Testa^ 
 ment. This has been my custom for more than 
 thirty years. 
 
 How short, how simple and plain, how beautiful 
 and majestic is the account given by Moses of the 
 Creation ! God spake, and it was done. He com- 
 manded, and it stood! fast. How infinitely superior 
 is his description of the Creation to the vague, 
 superstitious, aud fabulous accounts given by the 
 wisest and best of the heathen philosophers. " O 
 Lord, Thy word is a lamp to my feet, and a light 
 to my path." 
 
 Janiuiry 1, 1827. — I mourn over ma,ny defects in 
 mj'self during the past year, and rejoice in many 
 mercies received from the Lord. "We have general 
 peace in the flock committed to my care. A good- 
 ly number of souls have been brought to Christ; 
 and more have been safely lodged in Abraham's- 
 bosom. God grant that the opening year may be 
 one of fidelity, peace, and prosperity. 
 
 May 19. — Our Conference closed after a laborious 
 session of nine days. Bishops George and Hedding 
 presided. I was appointed to Middletown, in this 
 State. 
 
 Friday, 23. — Have reached my new field of labor, 
 and was affectionately received by the brethren. 
 The hired parsonage liot being ready, Bro. Burruss 
 kindly received us into his home. Our house is 
 
1826—1830. 163 
 
 pleasantly located, but small, out of repair, and 
 some distance from the church. The goods must 
 lie in the yard while the rooms are scrubbed, white- 
 washed, painted and papered. My poor wife is 
 almost worn out. May the good Lord support her ! 
 
 Thursday, 25. — Opened my mission and preached 
 twice with some liberty. The congregation is tol- 
 erable, but the membership — ^how dull and luke- 
 warm ! There is no place for a social meeting but 
 a private house ; no order, ho financial economy, 
 and not much prospect of a support. What shall 
 be done ? "We will trust in the Lord, and fear not. 
 Everything is to be done ; and, by the grace of God, 
 it can be done, and must be done. 
 
 July 7. — I am in heaviness. I have a large family 
 to support, ~my whole time is devoted to serve the 
 people, and I must depend on them for bread. 
 When they neglect to provide means, what shall I 
 do ? It distresses my spirit to be pressed and 
 ground down by those who should be generous, 
 [f stewards understood their own interest and duty, 
 they would visit their preacher's family, ascertain 
 their wants, make provision to supply them, and 
 not suffer the mind of their preacher to'be loaded 
 with care and anxiety about his family. It has not 
 been so here. IsTot a word has been said about my 
 wants — ^whether I had money or not, whether I 
 have meat and drink sufficient. Such neglect, if 
 designed, is both unjust and crttel. If not designed, 
 it is, to say the least, shameful — it hurts me. God 
 knows I do not preach for hire. Were the people 
 
164 JOURNAL. 
 
 where I labor, poor yet willing, I would most cheer- 
 fully suffer with them, and never complain — ^but — 
 never mind — perhaps it will be better before the 
 year ends. All is well that ends well. 
 
 God gave me a good day yesterday. I preached 
 three sermons, administered - the Lord's' Supper, 
 baptized four adults, met the Sunday School, and 
 at ten P. M., felt hale and fresh for another battle. 
 
 Wednesday, 23. — Heard Kev. Mr. P., a Presbyte- 
 rian, preach. His allusions were not well chosen ; 
 he made several historical blunders, and his doc- 
 trine was abominable. He gave to man natural 
 power to work his way to Heaven, without the 
 grace of God to assist him. A man by his own 
 power alone can no more prevent the raging of his 
 passions, than he can stop the rolling billows of 
 the sea with his hand. He can no sooner remove 
 the darkness of his understanding, than he can drive 
 away the mists and clouds of heaven with a fan ; 
 or prepare his own heart for repentance and faith, 
 than he can cause the stones to fly upward at his 
 word : yea, as soon might the Ethiopian change his 
 skin, or the leopard his spots, as for those to do 
 well who have been accustomed to do evil, without 
 the power of Almighty Grace. 
 
 August 2. — Some were offended because I preach- 
 ed against dram-drinking. Mock on ! and I shall, 
 by God's grace, preach on, like it or not like it. 
 
 September 11. — The Lord has visited His people. 
 At our late Camp-meeting at pld Saybrook, the 
 Lord wrought wonders. The grove was beautiful, 
 
1826—1830. 165 
 
 situated on the bank of the noWe, picturesque Con- 
 necticut River. The attend; nee was large, the 
 order good, the preaching in the demonstration of 
 the Spirit, and with power. Scores found the Pearl 
 of great price. This dry and barren place had a 
 large share in the heavenly shower. Many back- 
 sliders were reclaimed, many professors of religion 
 were quickened, and about thirty-five persons con- 
 verted to God. My soul was lifted up on the wings 
 of faith and love. 
 
 Thursday, 20. — ^For two weeks past, the work of 
 grace has been with power in my own soul and 
 among the people. Forty have been added to the 
 Church, and we are looking, praying, and laboring 
 for a general shower. 
 
 Wednesday, 26. — Have just made a visit to our 
 dear friends in !N"ew Haven. How sincere, how deep 
 their friendship ! How sweet the fellowship of the 
 saints on earth, and how much more sweet when 
 we meet in Heaven ! I was much refreshed to find 
 my spiritual children walking in the truth. In 
 four days I made thirteen visits, met two Classes, 
 held one pi-ayer-meeting, preached three sermons, 
 and traveled fifty miles. 
 
 October 15. — ^Last Friday night we had a glorious 
 display of God's power and.grace. Many are seek- 
 ing the Lord with broken hearts, and one found 
 peace through faith. 
 
 December 2. — The Lord continues to make bare 
 His Almighty arm. On Sunday the Lord's people 
 were greatly blessed, both under the word, and at 
 
166 JOURNAL. 
 
 the Sacrament. Convictions multiplied during tHe 
 week. 
 
 December 10. — ^N"othwitlistanding the rain, a 
 number of young men attended the prayer-meeting, 
 and there was a great cry for mercy — four found 
 pardon and peace in Jesus. 
 
 December 11. — The Lecture-room was crowded 
 to overflowing; all as solemn as death. About 
 thirty came forward for prayers ; four found the 
 Lord. 
 
 December 12.— To-night went into the church, 
 our Lecture-room being too small. At an early 
 hour it was well filled. The mourners flocked to 
 the altar like a cloud. In the course of the even- 
 ing nine or ten found peace, and many returned 
 home with heavy hearts. It was a precious night, 
 
 December 13. — The work continues, but there is 
 
 much opposition, and great efforts are made to draw 
 
 away the young disciples. How much heavenly 
 
 wisdom and patient perseverance are necessary to 
 
 conduct such a work as this. My trust is in the 
 
 Lord. It is no new thing ; I have been iij it for 
 
 many years, and have seen thousands converted to 
 
 God. 
 
 ******** 
 
 September 11, 1828. — Full of cares and business, 
 but little time for writing or study. I have traveled 
 about fifteen hundred milesj and attended the Gen- 
 eral Conference at Pittsburg — was absent about six 
 weeks. 
 
 Our Annual Conference this year sat in New 
 
1826—1830. 167 
 
 York City. W.e had a long debate about pewed 
 cburches. We cannot build free churches in New 
 England, and I feel no scruples about building 
 pewed churches — ^we had. better have them, than 
 none at all. This is my second year in this place. 
 I desire to be wholly the Lord's, and useful to my 
 fellow men. 
 
 ******** 
 
 March 7, 1829. — The past year has been one of 
 great labor. Our new and beautiful church was 
 dedicated to the service of Almighty God, the first 
 d^iy of January. It cost about nine thousand dol- 
 lars, and is mostly paid for. It is well filled, and 
 the best of all is, God is with us ; His Holy Spirit 
 has been poured out, and sinners have been awaken- 
 ed and converted nearly every day since its ded- 
 ication. God has wonderfully strengthened me, 
 both in body and soul. I feel Him lifting me up 
 on high, and I thirst for closer communion, even 
 to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I desire to feel 
 and practice all I teach to others, that when I speak, 
 it may be directly from the fullness of the heart ; 
 fori am well persuaded that no preaching can pro- 
 duce much good unless the heart be in it. 
 
 The Lord is still carrying on His work among 
 us; sinners are being brought to God. 
 
 April 16. — ^Yesterday was my thirty-minth birth- 
 day. It is twenty-one years, next July, since I was 
 born again, and fourteen years next May, since I 
 entered the ministry. Mercy and goodness have 
 followed me all my days. How my brethren have 
 
168 JOURNAL. 
 
 borne with me, and how God has owned and blessed 
 my feeble eiForts ! May my future life be all His ! 
 
 Friday, 17. — Good Friday, and the State Fast. I 
 preached in the morning, on the Passion'of our 
 Lord, and in the afternoon, on Temperance. In the 
 evening, between one and two hundred attended 
 the general Class-meeting. 
 
1830-1837. 
 
 Ee-appointed to John St. Church, New York City. — Glorions 
 Times. — -His Journal discontinued for some Months. — Conference 
 in Middletown, Conn. — Appointed to Derby Circuit. — Conference 
 in New York City. — ^^Formation of Troy Conference. — Appointed 
 Presiding Elder of New Haven District. — The First Ten Quarterly 
 Meetings.^A Multitude at West SufEeld. — Camp-Meeting; at Bur- 
 lington. — " Eesurrection Time" at Granby. — Revivals at Newtown 
 and Stratford, — -"Not looking very Clerical." — "Plenty of Work 
 ahead."^A Year on the District. — Conference of 1833, in Pough- 
 keepsie, N. Y. — Appointed Agent of the We.sleyan University. — 
 Review of his Two Years' Work in the Agency. — Conference of 
 1835, in Brooklyn, N. Y. — Re-appointed to New Haven, Conn. — 
 Junior Exhibition at Yale. — Varioils Experiences. — "We are 
 saved by Hope." — At Hamden and Waterbury. — A Hard Rock. — 
 A Series of Meetings. — Glorious Results. — What most Promotes 
 the Work of God. — " What an Absurdity ! '^Suffering and Toil- 
 ing. — Protracted Meeting. Ninety-Eight Nights. — Twenty-One 
 Years an Itinerant. — Oppressed with Labor and Responsibility. — 
 How to Prevent Starvation. — " The Path of Duly a Heart-Cheer- 
 ing Way." — A Subscription for a New Church declined. — "Old Mil- 
 ford." — Visits his Brother Jofeph. — Church-Building reviving on 
 the District. — Visiting the Sick, and Burying the Dead. 
 
 il ANUAEY 4. — At the last Conference x re- 
 ceived my appointment to the City of JSTew 
 York, for the second time. When I left 
 it I never expected to he sent hack again, and I felt 
 reluctant to return on account of my wife's health. 
 But the Bishop told me that the people desired it, 
 and I must suhmit. Submit I did ; hut I would 
 rather have heen sent to the Green Mountains ! 
 
170 JOURNAL. 
 
 The friends received us with great affection, and 
 I will praise the Lord for all Plis benefits to me and 
 mine. 
 
 Tuesday, 26. — By request of the President of the 
 Board of Trustees, I presented a plan for a new 
 church. Many desire a house of worship with fam- 
 ily sittings, and are willing to contribute the money ' 
 to build it, if the Trustees will consent. But tlie 
 project met with opposition, and so was drop^Ded 
 for the present. 
 
 Monday, February 1. — Yesterday, while I enlarged 
 on that awTui saying of our Lord, Matt. xxii.-13, 
 ITe made baY-e Plis BEoly arm, and, there was a 
 mighty shaking among the dry bones. At the 
 close, mourners flocked to the altar of prayer, and 
 the brethren prayed and labored like men of God, 
 as they are. God is doing great things for us. 
 
 Sunday March 1^. — After walking five miles and 
 preaching three times, I found myself as fresh as in 
 the morning. To God be all the praise ! In the 
 evening plead the cause of poor, worn-out preachers. 
 
 Thursday, April 15.. — Forty years old this day — 
 more than half the time allotted to man upon the 
 earth. God is reviving His work gloriously; hun- 
 dreds have been awakened and converted. New 
 York has not seen such a work for years. It still 
 goes on, and our cry is, " Thy Kingdom come." 
 My labors have been excessive day and night; but 
 my merciful Saviour has wonderfully sustained me, 
 and filled my heart with comfort and gratitude. 
 
 * * * ^* 4: * ^ * 
 
1830—1837. 171 
 
 Auffasi 23, 1832. — ^For some time past I have 
 kept no record of passing events. A multitude of 
 cares and labors have occupied my time. During 
 my last year in ISTew York, more than thirteen hun-' 
 dred were added to the different Methodist churches. 
 
 In May, 1831, Conference sat in Middletown, 
 ,Ct., where some things took place which were 
 unpleasant. But by grace, rather than grieve a 
 brother beloved, I yielded ; took my appointment 
 on Derby Circuit, Ct., and labored with much com- 
 fort, and some success. "We put three churches 
 and one parsonage in course of erection, which 
 were all finished the next year. 
 
 This Spring, (1832) Conference met in New 
 York City, The Conference being large, it was 
 found necessary to divide ; so the Troy Conference 
 was set off as an independent body. My appoint- 
 ment was announced for the New Haven District. 
 This responsible charge awakened, feelings in my 
 heart which I cannot express. I had ever felt an 
 aversion to filling the office of Presiding Elder 
 for the following reasons. It is a responsible, and 
 with many a thankless office. My family is large 
 and expensive. While in a station, I can take care 
 of myself; but on a District the Presiding Elder 
 depends chiefiy on the preachers for his allowance. 
 
 But the Lord has hitherto helped me, and I will 
 still trust Him. 
 
 "We have now had ten Quarterly-meetings. At 
 the first and second, we had profitable seasons in 
 waiting on the Lord. At the third, eight or ten' 
 
172 JOURNAL. 
 
 found peace in Relieving. At the fourth, we dedi- 
 cated a new church, and several were at the. altar 
 for prayers. At the fifth, we dedicated another new 
 church, and the new altar was nearly full of pray- 
 ing penitents; many wept, and many rejoiced. At 
 the sixth, we held meetings three days in the woods. 
 ITothing special occurred, except the wicked were? 
 very troublesome. At the seventh, the Lord was 
 with us, and we had a good time. At the eighth, 
 the glory of the G-od of Israel was seen; many 
 were cut to the heart, and several found peace. 
 The ninth was held four days, and proved a refresh- 
 ing season. The tenth was a profitable meeting, 
 though I found the Society in a disaffected state, 
 owing to dissatisfaction with their Pastor, whom 
 they vsdshed me to remove. But I could not do so, 
 as I did not think their reasons sufficient ; so they 
 threatened to set up for themselves. 
 
 The Presiding Elder cannot make poor preach- 
 ers into good ones, but he must bear all the blame. 
 Through grace I endeavor to act impartially, both 
 to preachers and people. The Discipline must be 
 my guide; but how much wisdom, fortitude, and 
 prudence are necessary for this work. I hope to 
 be liiore humble, devoted, and faithful — a pattern 
 to preachers and people in zeal, in labors, in faith, 
 in love, in holiness. 
 
 Saturday, August 25. — Quarterly-meeting at "West 
 Suffield, held in the Congregational church. A 
 multitude of people, and a good time. It was said 
 there were three hundred carriages there on Sun- 
 
1830—1837 173 
 
 day. After a meeting of six hours duration, I rode 
 twenty miles, and preached in a Baptist meeting- 
 house. 
 
 Thursday, 30. — Commenced a Camp-meeting in 
 Burlington. A powerful and glorious season; a 
 -goodly number converted, and several sanctified. 
 On Monday, in the Lovefeast, the cloud of Divine 
 glory seemed to cover the Camp : and at the close 
 between eighty and ninety presented "themselves 
 for prayers. I was not well, but took the whole 
 charge, without any regular watch. 
 
 Thursday, November 17. — A four-days-meeting at 
 Granby. Cold and dead as the dry bones in Eze- 
 kiel's valley ; but after a struggle the word of the 
 Lord' came, and the dry bones began to stir and 
 rise up. God wrought wonders — ^back-sliders were 
 reclaimed, sinners awakened, and mourners con- 
 verted. It was a glorious meeting. 
 
 December 9. — Quarterly-meeting at Middlebury, 
 and the dedication of their new church ; a neat lit- 
 tle house, with gallery and basement. 
 
 December 16. — Quarterly-meeting at Stratford: 
 a snow-storm, but a time of great power. The 
 altar was filled with weeping penitents. The meet- 
 ing continued sevei'al days, and about fifty joined 
 the Church. Several of the first families in the 
 place were brought to God. 
 
 December 26. — ^At ISTewtown, God owned His 
 word, and a powerful revival broke out which 
 swept the whole place. 
 
 February 24, 1833. — Quarterly-meeting at Strat- 
 
I'll JOURNAL. 
 
 ford. The power of the Lord came down like a 
 rushing, mighty wind. Many were cut to the heart 
 and cried stoutly for mercy; nor did they pray in 
 vain. Redeeming mercy came to their deliverance. 
 The meeting lasted a week, and more than fifty 
 found the Lord. 
 
 March 17. — Rode thirty miles through deep mud 
 to see my family; and hlessed he God, found all 
 well. Spent three days M'^ith them, and was oft" 
 again to attend Quarterly-meeting at North Haven. 
 
 Ilorrihle traveling — my horse plunged into a 
 mud-hole, and threw me head-over-heels into the 
 mud. I crawled out, and reached a stream of run- 
 ning water, washed off the mud as well as I could, 
 and pushed on, not looking very clerical, hut feel- 
 ing thankful that no bones were broken. "We had 
 a blessed good meeting ; several sinners Avere con- 
 verted, and G od's dear children were greatly com- 
 forted. 
 
 March 27. — At home, but plenty of work ahead. 
 Nine Quarterly-meetings, and five "four-days' 
 meetings," during the next six weeks ! May God 
 give me grace and strength. 
 
 May 6. — Have finished one year's labor on this 
 District. Upon the whole it has been a year of 
 great toil, and of much peace and pleasantness. 
 Notwithstanding the imperfection of the instru- 
 ment, I think much good has been done in the 
 Name o*f the Lord. My only plea, is : "I am con- 
 ■ demned, but Christ has died." O Lord of Hosts, 
 forgive me a poor sinner, for the sake of Jesus 
 
1830—1837. 175 
 
 Christ, my great atoning High Priest, and most 
 gracious Kedeemer ! 
 
 Wednesday, May 8. — The Annual Conference sat 
 in the village of Poughkeepsie, K Y., and after a 
 laborious session of eight days, we closed in great 
 peace and friendship. Bishop Hedding presided. 
 
 At this Conference I was persuaded to accept 
 the Agency of the Wesleyan University — a difficult 
 and laborious work. I fear a failure, but throw 
 myself upon the good Providence of God, and upon 
 the forbearance of His people. 
 
 T* •(■ T* H* "7* ^r- T^ ^ 
 
 May, 1835. — This month closes my two years' 
 labor as Agent of the Wesleyan University. I 
 have traveled" thousands of miles, obtained about 
 ten thousand dollars towards its endowment, and 
 established a Boarding House. Being Treasurer 
 as well as Agent,' I have regulated its finances as 
 well as I could ; but it is a work never to be covet- 
 ed by me. I have dcrfie my best for the Institution, 
 and hope it may prosper; but I cannot, (though 
 earnestly solicited to do so), labor in the Agency 
 any longer. My mission is not to collect mqney, 
 but to preach the Gospel. 
 
 Conference this year was held in Brooklyn, 
 IS. Y. I received my appointment to the City 
 of New Haven, for the second time. After the 
 usual turmoil and labor of moving my family, I 
 arrived here safely on the 21st of May. 
 
 Monday, 24. — ^Yesterday, coipmenced my labors 
 in the pulpit — ^preached three times. I leave home 
 
176 JOUENAL. 
 
 to-day to attend the Legislature at Hartford in 
 behalf of the University. 
 
 Wednesday, June 2. — Church-books out of order 
 — finances in a bad state — religion at a low ebb — 
 much to be done every way. 
 
 June 9. — Attended the Junior Exhibition at Yale 
 College. The young men acquitted themselves 
 well, generally. But there was too much art and 
 stifihess — a lack of naturalness of movement. The 
 Professor of Elocution was more prominent than 
 the student himself. 
 
 June 11. — Held a Missionary meeting — ^heard 
 interesting fa,cts from Africa, and took a collection 
 of over three hundred dollars for the Missionary 
 Society. 
 
 JwnelS. — Met Class and attended Leader's meet- 
 ing. Pound coldness and neglect in the classes. 
 How shall abuses of long standing be rectified? 
 T feel that it requires more wisdom, fortitude, and 
 prudence than I possess. Arise, Lord, and save 
 Thy heritage ! 
 
 June 17. — The morning spent as usual in read- 
 ing, writing, and prayerT I feel the need and the 
 benefit of much prayer. What are five times a 
 day, unless the soul is filled with strong desires 
 and faith ? I long for the fullness of God, more 
 than for anything else beside. 
 
 June 21. — My heart sinks down, down, down. 
 O Lord, lift Thou up my soul ! I have been visit- 
 ing from house to house — -"hard work for the lazy 
 flesh, but good for the Church. 
 
1830—1837. 177 
 
 July 10. — ^For some days my soul has been gath- 
 ering strength. It is only in God that I can live. 
 I desire not the wOi-Id for my joy, hnt to put on 
 the -Lord Jesus Christ. Yet how far short I come 
 of being what other servants of Jesus are, and 
 what I should be. 
 
 WE AKB SAVED BT HOPE. 
 
 "We are saved by hope: but hope that is seen, 
 (or enjoyed) is not hope : for what a man seeth, 
 why doth he yet hope for ? Romans viii. 24. 
 
 I shall consider the difference between a Ghris- 
 tian hope, and hoping that I am a Christian, and the 
 inconsistency of sayings "we have obtained a 
 hope," in reference to our past religious expc- 
 riefice. 
 
 It is very common with may persons p'ofessing 
 godliness, either through a bad education, or a 
 false idea of humility, when inquired of about 
 their religious experience, to answer by saying, I 
 hope so. Have you repented of your sins? I 
 hope I have. Have you believed in the Lord Jesus 
 Christ? I hope I have. Do you love God? I 
 hope I do. Have you received the forgiveness of 
 your sins ? I hope so. Do you love the people of 
 God ? Do you endeavor to keep God's command- 
 ments ? I hope I do. 
 
 Now I object to this way of answering q-uestions, 
 which stand so nearly connected with our present 
 and eternal happiness. A man must have some 
 knowledge of what passes in his own bosom, or of 
 Ms past experience — or he must remain in ignor- 
 
178 JOURNAL. 
 
 ance. If lie knows, then he does not hope. If 
 ignorant, to say he hopes is to deceive himself. 
 I object to this way of speaking, for three reasons. 
 
 I. Because it is contrary to the meaning of the 
 word hope, as generally used among men, or as 
 used in the Bible. We understand by hope an 
 expectation of some good. It is sometimes put 
 for the object of hope. The Christian's hope 
 is made up of expectation and desire. He desires 
 that good which God has graciously promised to 
 Ilis people, and he expects it. Those who use it 
 in reference to past experience seem to put it in 
 the place of faith. If a person feels pain or ease 
 of body, he does not need to say he hopes he does. 
 May he not be as conscious of pain or of rest in 
 his soul ? "Why then does he say I hope ? "Why 
 not say at once to the glory of God, I hiow ? 
 
 II. Because it is contradicted by the experience 
 of every true Christian. Every believer's experi- 
 ence may not be equally clear and full, but what 
 he feels, he knows. He may not know what name 
 to give his feelings — he may not at the time know 
 that it is religion; yet he is fully sensible of a change 
 wrought in his soul. Wlien he felt guilty, under 
 condemnation and wrath for his past sins, he knew 
 it. When his soul was full of sorrow and bitter- 
 ness, he knew it. His former comforters all forsook 
 him, and he found no rest. After he was brought 
 to see himself a poor, helpless, guilty, wretched 
 sinner, his past offences aga,inst his God haunted 
 him wherever he went. Now is he not sensible, 
 
1830—1837. 179 
 
 yea, deeply sensible of his repentance? Why, then, 
 does he say he hopes he feels himself a sinner? 
 When Grod, in his great mercy, for the sake of 
 Jesus Christ, brings him up out of the horrible pit, 
 and puts a new song into his mouth, even praise to 
 the living God, will he not know it? Could a man 
 in his right mind, with his eyes open, be brought 
 from darkness into the full blaze of noon-day light 
 and not know it? Why should he say he hopes 
 he sees the light ? " For what a man seeth, why 
 doth he yet hope for ? " When a man tells me he 
 has a hope that he loves God, I suppose he wishes 
 me to believe that he does in reality love Ilim, that 
 he does enjoy religion, and that he is well satisfied 
 with his own experience. ITow, if this man has in 
 reality a Christian experience he must know it ; and 
 if he knows it, why say he hopes it is so ? If he 
 does not know ; if he has not the witness in himself 
 that he has passed from death unto life — for him to 
 hope it is so, and settle down contented on that 
 hope, is to deceive his own soul, build upon the 
 sand, and endanger his eternal salvation. 
 
 Some will ask, how can he know these things? 
 I answer, by the spirit that God gives to every one 
 that believes in Jesus. The natural " «/e hath not 
 seen, nor the " natural " ear heard, nor hath it entered 
 into the" natural, unrenewed "heart to conceive the 
 things that God hath prepared for them that loce Him; 
 but God hath revealed them unto us" that believe, 
 "by His Spirit." "No man knoweth the Son,. but 
 the Father, and no one knoweth the Father but 
 
180 JOURNAL. 
 
 the Son, and he to whom the Son will reveal Him." 
 Then, when God is revealed to our hearts, we shall 
 know irim, for we shall be in Him, and He in us. 
 
 in. The third reason why I object to this mode 
 of speaking is, that it is not according to the 
 Scriptures. If I am not mistaken, the writers, of 
 the N"ew Testament never use hope as relating to 
 past experience. Concerning Christian experience, 
 they express themselves with the utmost clearness 
 and assurance. "We Icnow that we have passed 
 from death unto life — tiiat we are of God — we know 
 that the Son of God is come, and hath given us an 
 understanding that we may Icnow Him that is true ; 
 and we are in Him that is true, even in His Son 
 Jesus Christ. This is the true God and eternal 
 life — he that believeth on the Son of God hath the 
 witness in himself" — so writes John. St. Paul 
 says " The spirit itself beareth witness with our 
 spirits that we are the children of God: if any 
 man be in Christ, he is a new creature, old things 
 are passed away, and behold, all things are become 
 new. Ye were once darkness, but now are ye 
 light in the Lord." 
 
 Many other passages might be brought forward 
 to the same eti'ect, but these are sufficient to show 
 how the Scriptures speak of the experience of be- 
 lievers. 
 
 St. Peter requires us to give a reason for the hope 
 that is within us, with meekness and fear. Bift 
 hope here, I am inclined to think, does not refer to 
 our past experience of the forgiveness of sins, nor 
 
1830—1.837. 181 
 
 our present enjoyment of tlie love of God sliod 
 abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost ; but to 
 eternal life beyond the grave. 'Sow, every good 
 man hopes to live, and enjoy God forever and 
 ever. A reason for this hope he is to give to 
 every one who may ask it of him. What good 
 reason could a person give of such a hope, who 
 does not know that his sins are now forgiven, 
 and that God is now reconciled through Jesus' 
 Christ. But he that hath the witness in himself, 
 that he is a child of God, can give at once a good 
 reason for his hope, it is this — " if a son, then an 
 heir, an heir of God, and a joint heir with Christ." 
 He has the earnest of the Spirit already given 
 him, even the Spirit of adoption, which enables' 
 him to cry "Abba, Ffither." 
 
 A Christian is one who has the spirit, imitates 
 the example, and obeys the commandments of the 
 Lord Jesus Christ, his living Head, Master and 
 Saviour. He hath faith, hope, and charity. We 
 speak chiefly of his hope. It springs from his ex- 
 perience of the mercy of God, in the forgiveness of 
 his sins ; is founded upon the promises of the Gos- 
 pel, and supported by them, and has for its object 
 the continual presence of his Divine Saviour; with 
 every lawful enjoyment through life — and finally 
 a happy and complete deliverance out of all his 
 temptations, trials and labors ; also from all the 
 consequences of sin, and an abvindant entrance i)ito 
 the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour 
 Jesus Christ. 
 
182 JOUEXAL. • 
 
 Now tne properties of this hope are, 1. Itmaketh 
 not ashamed, having the love of God shed abroad 
 in the heart by the Holy Ghost. It begets joy un- 
 speakable in the soul, puts grace and gladness 
 upon the countenance, and inspires with invincible 
 courage in the performance of every duty. 
 
 2. It hath a direct tendency to make us hate 
 and flee from sin. "He that hath this hope in 
 himself, purifieth himself, even as He, (Jesus) is 
 pure." 
 
 3. -It enables the believer to hold fast in the 
 midst.of storms and tempests. It is like an anchor 
 to the soul both sure and steadfast, reaching to 
 that within the veil." 
 
 4. It saves from despondency in seasons of dark- 
 ness, trials, and difficulties. From impatience in 
 the attainment of its grand object-^" for if we 
 hope for it, then do we with patience wait for it.'* 
 
 How vastly different is this Christian hope from 
 hoping that I am a Christian ! The former, fills the 
 soul with joy unspeakable and full of glory. The 
 latter keeps it in continual suspense, doubt, and fear. 
 The former is the most vigorous in the time of af- 
 fliction, while the latter leaves its possessor comfort- 
 less and dispirited. That, looks at eternal glory — 
 this, at Something that is merely imaginary. The 
 real Christian beholds God reconciled to him. 
 through the Son of His love. He knows that all 
 his sins are cast forever into the deep. He hopes 
 for still largr measures of His grace, even for that 
 perfect love that casts out fear, even the fear of 
 
1830—1837. 183 
 
 death ; for victory over every inward and outward 
 sin— to be filled with all the fullness of God. 
 
 While he thus hopes, he continually hungers 
 and lihirsts after righteousness. He waits, watches, 
 prays, and diligently uses all the means of grace. 
 ]Ie never rests satisfied with past experience, nor 
 present enjoyment ; but while he praises the Author 
 of all good for the great things which He hath 
 already done for his unworthy soul, he forgets the 
 things that are behind, and continually reaches for- 
 ward to those things that are before, even all the 
 mind of Christ ; not as though he had already at- 
 tained, or was already perfect. 
 
 Thus he lives on the food of angels from day to day 
 The promised land often arising to the full view of 
 his faith, his hope gathers strength daily, and he 
 becomes rooted and grounded, and built up in the 
 truth : while he who only hopes that he is a Chris- 
 tian is full of perplexing doubts and fears — fears as 
 to his present and future state. He goes with his 
 head bowed down, or-seeks comfort in unholy pleas- 
 ures, complaining of his coldness, darkness, dead- 
 ness, and unfruitfulness. He settles down in this 
 state, supposing he can never know his relationship 
 to God, until death, or after death. He does not 
 look for the fulfillment of the great and precious 
 promises in the Book of God. He does not hunger 
 nor thirst after righteousness, not' believing in his 
 high and holy privilege to be made perfect in love 
 in this life. Thus he has very little, if any, spirit- 
 ual enjoyment — little communion with Jesus and 
 
184 JOURNAL.- 
 
 with the Father. let us look for the knowledge 
 of salvation by the forgiveness of our sins ! 
 
 November 6.^Spent three days with our brethren 
 in Hamden, laboring day and night. God began 
 a gracious work, many were pricked to the heart, 
 several found peace in believing, and the church 
 was much quickened. 
 
 November 13. — ^Visited our friends at "Waterbury 
 — spent Saturday and Sunday, and God was pleased 
 to own His word. Scores were pricked to the 
 heart: on Saturday evening fourteen were at the 
 altar for prayers, and on Sunday between thirty 
 and forty. The work is progressing powerfully'. 
 
 Sunday, 22. — A good day in this city. I was 
 enabled to speak the word with all boldness. Met 
 the Society, talked to them plainly of the low state 
 of religion amongst us, and we entered into a cov- 
 enant to pray three times a clay for the outpouring 
 of the Spirit upon us as a church. Why this dull- 
 ness among the members? I fear their pastor 
 lacks zeal and holiness. Lord, help me to awake ! 
 
 Several loud calls from abroad ; but feel obliged 
 to decline and stay at home, and labor on this hard 
 rock — it may break. The work is toilsome, but it 
 may be good for me. 
 
 Sunday, December 6. — Preached twice : had some 
 liberty, especially in the afternoon pleading fqr 
 Missions. 0, the poor heathen ! the world to be 
 converted through the instrumentality of the 
 Church ; but, alas ! when will she feel her respon- 
 sibility ! 
 
1830—1837. 185 
 
 January 1, 1836. — ^Last night was a time of great 
 interest in the Watch-night meeting. One sermon 
 from a Congregationalist, one from a Baptist, and 
 exhortations and prayers from Methodists. Mul- 
 titudes were present, and deep solemnity rested on 
 all. "We now commence a series of meetings, not 
 knowing how long they may continue. I preached 
 three times to-day — ^but few out to hear ; dull work. 
 
 Sunday, 3. — A day of power ; hundreds felt the 
 word. Three hundred at the Sacrament. 
 
 Friday, 15. — For two weeks past we have held 
 meetings only evenings : about forty have been con- 
 verted; several are yet under awaikenings, and the 
 meetings are well attended. 
 
 Wednesday, 20. — ^Preached from Romans x. 10. 
 God made His word life and power. Some found 
 the Pearl of great price during preaching. In the 
 prayer-meeting that followed, the glory of the Lord 
 was wonderfully displayed. Large numbers were 
 translated from darkness into the kingdom of 
 God's dear Son. It was one of the happiest seasons 
 I ever enjoyed: my soul was humbled and filled 
 with joy. Such was the fullness and power of 
 God I could not sleep. 
 
 Friday, 22. — God is yet with us carrying on His 
 work. I met about sixty of the young disciples, and 
 a most precious season we had together. Many 
 spoke very clearly of their conversion, and several 
 found the Lord. 
 
 Suvday, 24. — God was in the assembly of His 
 people to-day. Our large church was crowded 
 
186 JOURNAL. 
 
 three times; and a goodly number found deliver- 
 ance from the bondage of sin and death, both 
 during the sermon, and in the prayer-meeting. 
 
 "We have now held meetings twenty-five even- 
 ings, and during several days. More than seventy 
 have been converted, and sixty-two have joined 
 Class. I have taken about thirty young disciples 
 under my especial care. 
 
 Sunday, February 7. — The morning service was 
 rendered very interesting on account of tlie bap- 
 tism of about forty persons ; some of them grey- 
 haired men and women — ^heads of families. 
 
 Thursday, 11. — Bro. Gossling, a local preacher 
 from the "West Indies, who is spending the winter 
 in the city, preached this evening from " Solomon 
 my son," etc. He is an eloquent speaker, and 
 many felt the power of God. The altar was filled 
 with penitents, but we had too little faith. Several 
 brethren from other churches prayed; but they 
 had not on the armor, and there was httle power. 
 
 Sunday, 14. — A high day. Bro. Gossling preach- 
 ed once, and I twice. The evening was a time of 
 •mighty power; •many felt the word as a sharp 
 sword piercing the soul. 
 
 .Monday, 29. — Meetings have been continued 
 every day during the past week, notwithstanding 
 the severe storms and cold. They have been well 
 attended, and at every meeting more or less have 
 been brought fron^. dai'kness to light. Yesterday, 
 ten joined Class. 
 
 March. 10— ^For several davs nast have been laid 
 
1830—1837. 187 
 
 aside by severe cold and sore-throat; but God is 
 good, aijd Jesus is precious to my soul. The Lord 
 still carries on His work. Last sabbath He gave 
 His word, great power, and melted many hearts. 
 To-night we are having a terrible storm, and our 
 church is shut for the first time since the New Year 
 commenced. 
 
 In my opinion nothing promotes the work of 
 God, like simple, plain, pointed preaching of the 
 word. Mr. Wesley's doctrine of Justification, as 
 found in the Bible, and its kindred doctrines, are 
 the sharp two-edged sword that pierces the heart — 
 it wounds and heals ; it kills and makes alive. A 
 man may preach what are called good sermons, 
 please the people, and yet do very little good. 
 The Bible is the most plain and pointed book in the 
 world. Let a preacher take it as his model, and 
 with the power of that Spirit which inspired the 
 Bible, he cannot help but succeed in his work. 
 
 But do the preachers of our day do thus ? "We are 
 too general in our preaching; it should he pei'sovul, 
 and make every one feel,^ " I am the man." We 
 are apt to bring too many things into one sermon , 
 and when men hear the same thing over and over, 
 in nearly the same language, they lose their inter- 
 est in what is said. Let the preacher show his 
 hearers their own individual heart and character, 
 and they will, they must feel. 
 
 Tuesday, 15. — This evening Bro. H. preached. 
 There was no life and no power. His text was 
 " Strive to enter in," etc. — and yet, while preach- 
 
188 JOUENAL. 
 
 ing to the people about agonizing, he lay with his 
 elbows on the cushions of the pulpit. 0, what an 
 absurdity for a man tb be cold and lifeless, when 
 pleading for immortal souls ! 
 
 Wednesday, 16. — ^Bro. Gossling gave us an elo- 
 quent sermon on "fighting the good fight of 
 faith.'' 
 
 Attending meetings so long and constantly, 
 with so much care; and visiting from house to 
 house, has almost worn me down. But thanks be 
 to God, I feel willing to wear out in this blessed 
 work. 
 
 Sunday, 27. — Quite unwell with influenza. Bro. 
 Gossling preached in the morning, and in the 
 afternoon I enforced John iii. 16. Although 
 scarcely able to hold up my'head, the Lord ena- 
 bled me to speak plainly and pointedly. In the 
 evening continued the same subject. Many people 
 were present all day — eight joined Class. 
 
 Mo7iday, -28. — ^Brb. L. 0. preached, but I was too 
 sick to enjoy the meeting, and left before it closed. 
 
 Wednesday, 30.^— Shut up nearly all day, but 
 ventured out to visit several families. Preached 
 in the evening from John vi. 44. The Lord gave 
 me great enlargement — the word was life and 
 power, and did me good soul and body. 
 
 Thursday, 31. — Still unwell, but gaining, I find 
 the need of as much patience to sufier, as of 
 strength to do the will of God. 
 
 Friday, April 1. — Good Friday, a day of fasting 
 and prayer — preached two sermons. In the even- 
 
1830—1837. 189 
 
 ing took up a subscription in aid of our Book 
 Concern, which has been destroyed by fire. 
 
 Sunday, 3. — A day of labor and enjoyment. 
 Preached three sermons, baptized ten persons, ad- 
 ministered the Lord's Supper, and hqld prayer- 
 meeting after evening service. One of the most 
 notorious sinners in the City was converted. The 
 lion has become a lamb — a miracle of grace and 
 mercy. 
 
 Friday, 8. — ^Last night we closed our protracted 
 meeting. It has been continued ninety-eight 
 nights, besides several days. One hundred and 
 seventy persons have professed conversion, and a 
 multitude of backsliders have been reclaimed; 
 while harmony, life and vigor have been diffused 
 through the membership geiierally. The work, 
 from its commencement, has been more like a run- 
 ning stream than like a flood — it has been gradual 
 and steady. God has carried it on in a way to 
 convince men that it was His own work. The 
 instruments have been few and feeble. We have 
 occasionally been assisted by visits frond brethren, 
 but we have not sent abroad for popular preachers. 
 God has chosen the weak things to confound the 
 mighty, and foolish things to confound the wise. 
 To His IS'ame be all the praise. 
 
 It has been a precious winter to my own soul ; 
 the Lord has done much for me whereof I am 
 glad. I desire the anointing of the Holy Spirit, 
 that I may be more holy and more useful. ' 
 
 Friday, April 15. — My Birth-day Forty-six 
 
190 JOUKNAL 
 
 years has God in His abundant mercy spared my 
 life. How many blessings have crowned my ex- 
 istence, and what solemn obligations are upon 
 me ! My only complaint is against myself. If I 
 had been more faithful how much further I might 
 be advanced in holiness and happiness ! Twenty- 
 one years I have been a traveling preacher, and 
 together with my colleagues, with whom I have 
 labored, have seen about four thotisand sinners 
 brought to God. My honest desire has been to 
 do good, but I see so many imperfections in the 
 ■whole of the past, that I am much ashamed before 
 the Lord, and feel like saying, " God be merciful 
 to me a sinner." 0, may I hear the warning 
 voice of forty-six years, and strive to live more to 
 God's glory in the future. Should one soul perish 
 through my ignorance and neglect, what' an ac- 
 count ! 
 
 Tuesday, April %Q. — Most of the young converts 
 hold fast their confidence, but some have fallen 
 back. Too many church members shrink from 
 their appropriate work; and as God carries on His 
 work by human instrumentalities, when these fail, 
 the work will not go forward. 
 
 My labors are more than my strength can well 
 endure. I fear some things will be left undone, 
 or will not be done as well as they should be — yet, 
 I am. going from morning until night. The sick 
 must be visited, the careless aroused, the wander- 
 ing reclaimed, the feeble encouraged, the worldly 
 warned, and the whole urged on to perfection, both 
 
1830— 18S7. 191 
 
 by precept and example. I desire to experience 
 and practice all I teach to pbbers. 
 
 I liave had some delightful seasons in visiting 
 from house to house. Some are sick, but happy 
 in God ; they find the religion of Jesus invaluable 
 — it gives light in darkness, ease in pain, joy in 
 sorrow, and life in death. 
 
 One man, a stranger in the city, stopping at a 
 boarding-house, was obliged to remain on account 
 of sickness. One night he thought himself dying; 
 this brought him to cry unto the Lord, who heard 
 his prayer and gave him hope. I found him trust- 
 ing in the Lord, and wishing to know the way 
 more perfectly. . 
 
 A young man, who resisted the strivings of the 
 Spirit all through the Revival, has been led to ciy 
 for mercy. 
 
 My care, labor, fears and desires aimost weigh 
 me down. 0, had I spent every hour for God, 
 what a comfort it would give me now ! But alas ! 
 how many have flown away unimproved. Lord, 
 forgive my sins, and give me a burning zeal for 
 Thy glory. 
 
 The thought of Sabbath duties almost makes 
 me sick. What a work is the Christian ministry ! 
 How glorious ! how responsible ! how awful! 
 
 Sunday, '^May 15. — Preached three times; twice 
 in Fair Haven, and in the evening at my own 
 church, to a fall house of attentive hearers. I 
 have my own trials — our church is full, and we 
 need another house of worship ; but many who 
 
102 JOTJKNAL. 
 
 could help, fear arjd hold back. We must make 
 the effort, and hope, and pray, and work for its 
 accomplishment. 
 
 July 19. — No notes made for several weeks past. 
 "We had a long, laborious Conference. Many men, 
 instead of qualifying themselves by study and diH- 
 gence for usefulness anywhere they may be sent, 
 are complaining of the people, and dreading 
 starvation. Are they not to blame ? Let them 
 throw their whole soul into the work — read, write, 
 preach, pray, meet their Classes, visit from house 
 to housej show the church and the people that they 
 seek the good of souls only, and thea see if they 
 have not thejiffection and support of the people. 
 
 I am returned to my old charge. for grace 
 to be faithful in feeding Christ's sheep and lambs! 
 I have a heavy responsibility upon me, and with- 
 out God can do nothing — a large congregation, a 
 large membership, and a new church building on 
 my hands. 
 
 Jidy, 12. — Visiting, skidy, and getting subscrip- 
 tions for our new church, have kept me busy dur- 
 ing the week. I must now prepare for the Sab- 
 bath. The path of duty, though laborious, is a 
 sweet, heart-cheering way. Rest of soul is found 
 in following Jesus. 
 
 Monday, 25. — I presented the Trustees with a 
 subscription of more than $10,000 for the erection 
 of a now church in the eastern part of the City; 
 but through fear they declined the offer. So, if 
 we have a new church, we must have a new Boai'd 
 
1830—1837. 193 
 
 of Trustees. It tries my faith and patience, but 
 does not prevent my efforts, I shall go on and 
 do what I can. If we fail it'shall not be my fault. 
 
 Monday, 15. — By special request visited Old Mil- 
 ford — a new place for Methodism. The labors of 
 a local preacher have been wonderfully blest, and 
 he has, under the direction of the Presiding Elder, 
 gathered a Class of nearly sixty members. I preach- 
 ed twice, and administered the Sacraments of Bap- 
 tism and the Lord's Supper. 
 
 September 14.^1 have been on a journey to my 
 old home in Ifew York State, to meet my brother 
 Joseph from Michigan. Found him well, and 
 doing well — full of faith and zeal. I love him 
 much. 
 
 November 10. — Attended the dedication of a new 
 church in Danbury. Preached five sermons there, 
 and one in Reading. The business of building 
 churches has taken a new start among us, and is 
 pi'ogressing well, since they have broken through 
 the old prejudice against pewed churches. "We 
 have lost many of our best friends and hearers, for 
 the lack of churches where they can sit with thei v 
 families, and I have been much grieved on their 
 account. Some are exceedingly sensitive about a 
 pew-door, and would rather have no churches at 
 all, than have them with rented pews, and so let 
 immortal souls perish. How natural far vain man 
 to " strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel." 
 
 December VJ, — Spent the week past in visiting 
 the sick. One has gone to rest — only three days 
 
194 JOURNAL. 
 
 sick. She was at lier Class on Friday evening, and 
 died on Monday. God has visited us with His 
 chastening rod. Two in one house also died this 
 week — mother and daughter. There is hope in 
 their death. 
 
 Sunday, December 25. — Christmas-Day. In the 
 morning spoke from Gal, iv. 4, 5, 6. In the after- 
 noon Rev. L. C. preached. Afterwards we attend- 
 ed the funeral of the mother and sister of our dear 
 iBro. Gossling, the local preacher who has been 
 . with us for a year past. Both were carried on the 
 same hearse, and put into the same grave. They 
 loved in life, and were not separated in death. 
 
1837-1841. 
 
 Synopsis of a Sermon : 2 Corinthians vii. 1. — At Watferbury 
 and Miliord. — Outliaes of Sermons. — Old Guilford. — Conference at 
 Brooklyn. — Appointed to Hartford, Conn — An Eventful Year m 
 his Family — A Successful Campaign. — Conference in New York 
 City. — Ee-appointed 'to Hartford. — A Partial Exposition of the 
 Lord's Prayer — Conference of 1839. — Appointed to the New 
 Haven District for the Second Time ^^One Bound on the District. 
 Centenary Meeting — Sachem's Head. — In the Van on the Tem- 
 perance Question. — Quarterly Meeting at New Haven. — A Time 
 of Power. — Every Appointment met. — Loss of the Steamer Lex- 
 ington. — Elements of Methodism. — SufferingsT Temptations ; Con- 
 solations. — Conference in New York City. — Appointed to Green 
 St. Church, N. Y.— Poor Health ; Severe Conflicts. — Visiting the 
 Sick and Dying — Missionary News from Oregon, — Discourage- 
 ments and Depression. — ^Perfect Love Triumphs over Death. — 
 Hardly Time to Pray — Panting after Faith and Holiness. — 
 Preaches on Perfect Love. — Dedication of Bedford St. Church. — 
 Formation of the S. S. Union of the M. E. Onuroh. — Quarterly 
 Visitation of the Classes. — A Eich Breakfast. — Sermon on Infant 
 Baptism. — Important News from Africa. — A Good Day in Green 
 St — Money comes Freely when Eeligion prospers. — The Last Day 
 of the Year. 
 
 flAJNUAEiT 8. — ^Preached three times under 
 deep depression of feeling. 0, how my 
 soul has been tried ! He leadeth me 
 through deep waters, but His hand has held me up. 
 In the mormng spoke from 2 Cor vii. 1. First, 
 the direction given : " cleanse yourselves," &c, — • 
 " flesh," all outward sin — " spirit," all inward sin. 
 Where? In the blood of Jesus. Secondly, the 
 reason, that we may " perfect holiness." Thirdly, 
 the encouragement given — '* these promises," &c. 
 Conclusion. 1. Indulgence in sin, inward or out- 
 
196 JOURNAL. 
 
 ward, prevents our increase in holiness. 2. There 
 may be much sin remaining in the heart where 
 there is some piety. 3. Persons should not cast 
 away their confidence because they find sin remain- 
 ing, but strive against it, and look for and expect 
 its extirpation. 4. Pray for the sanctifying influ- 
 ence of the Holy Spirit. 
 
 January 19. — Preached from -Acts v. 31, 32. 
 Found it hard toiling, and caught nothing. 
 
 February 23. — Have been laid- aside by sickness. 
 This earthly tabernacle is terribly shaken, and will 
 soon come down with a crash. Last week spent 
 
 four days in Waterbury with Bro G -. Several 
 
 were awakened, and a few converted. 
 
 March 1. — Rode nine miles to Milford. Preach- 
 ed twice, and returned the same evening— one of 
 the coldest nights of this winter. The traveling 
 was so bad the stage could not go ; so I had a tre- 
 mendous shaking in an old crazy mule-wagon. 
 
 March 5. — Preached in the morning from Isa. 
 XXXV. 8, 10. I. The way. Its distinguishing 
 characteristics. 1, Holy. 2, Plain. 3, Safe. 4, 
 Straight. H. The travelers in the way. 1. Not 
 the unclean, unconverted sinners ; but the re- 
 deemed, the ransomed of the Lord, godly persons 
 saved by grace. HI. The end to which this waj' 
 leads. Mount Zion, God's own dwelling-place, joj'- 
 ful, triumphant, enduring — no sorrow, no trouble, 
 but perfect, pure, endless happiness. 
 
 In the afternoon preached from John xv. 22. 
 Subject, the ground of man's accountability and 
 
1837—1841. 197 
 
 guilt — cot Adam's sin ; not that we are bom into 
 the world with disordered, depraved hearts; not 
 the lack of ability to know and do the will of 
 God ; but that light has " come," Christ has " spok- 
 en." It is the abuse of the power and privileges 
 given to us by God in Christ Jesus, for which we 
 are condemned. Closed with an application, 
 which God applied to the hearts of the congrega- 
 tion. We entered into covenant to pray three 
 times a day for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. 
 
 Lord, hear Thou the voice of our supplications! 
 April 2. — In the morning, enforced Isaiah Ixvi. 8. 
 
 At the Sacrament, the Lord refreshed our spirits. 
 In the afternoon, Dr. Fisk gave us a pleasant and 
 profitable discourse on James v. 20. At, seven 
 o'clock, I spoke plain words from Mieah vi. 2. 
 After preaching I found one at the altar, whom 
 God had smitten during the sermon. How time 
 wings its flight ! Week after week rolls on in 
 swift succession, bearing its record to eternity. 
 My soul, awake and work ! 
 
 April 10. — Meetings have been held every day 
 and night the past week, with but little apparent 
 good. 
 
 April 18. — Spent last Sunday in Old Guilford. 
 It had been long a barren soil for Methodism. 
 The door seemed eflfectually shut against us. While 
 
 1 was on the District, I visited it, but could obtain 
 no place to preach. At the last Conference it 
 was made a Mission, and Rev. C. C. was appointed 
 to labor there. God owned his labors, and more 
 
198 JOTJKNAL. 
 
 than one hundred have been converted to God. 
 There is no church'; we held meetings in the old 
 Town House, and had large, attentive congrega- 
 tions. I preached three times, and God blessed 
 the word. 
 
 May 17. — Our Annual Conference commenced 
 in the City of Brooklyn. Being Steward of the 
 Conference, my hands were full of labor. The 
 session was harmonious and pleasant. My appoint- 
 ment for the ensuing year was announced at Hart- 
 ford, Conn. 
 
 May 29. — The moving process has been a toil- 
 some undertaking. We found ourselves in a new, 
 unfurnished house. The friends received us kindly, 
 and though poor, did all they could to make us 
 comfortable. I have now preached three Sabbaths, 
 and commenced meeting the Classes. The con- 
 gregation is tolerable, and there is some piety 
 among the members. I feel quite at home among 
 them, and hope our coming may be for their good, 
 the good of my own soul, and for the glory of God, 
 
 [Here ensues a blank in the Journal of one year — a 
 most eventful year in his family. In October of 1837 
 his eldest, son, Aaron Coke, who had been spending the 
 summer at home; while returning South', where he was 
 engaged in teaching, was drowned in the wreck of the 
 Steamer " Home," off Cape Hatteras, N. C. 
 
 A few weeks later his eldest daughter was married, 
 and left for her home in Mississippi.] 
 
 May 30, 1838. — We have had a winter campaign 
 
1837—1841. 199 
 
 night and day. "We had little help, but God was 
 with ua. ITearly two hundred were converted, and 
 one hundred and sixty-six have joined the Church 
 on probation, and thirty-six by certificate. 
 
 Our Conference sat in the City of ISTew York. 
 "We had a long, laborious, and in some respects, 
 an exciting time. I was returned to Hartford for 
 another year. 
 
 A PARTIAL EXPOSITION OF THE LOKD'S PRATER. 
 
 I. The Being addressed, " Father" — He is called 
 so. 1. Because He is the Great First Cause of 
 all things, Himself uncaused. 2. He sustains all 
 things by His all-pervading influence. 3. He 
 alone has the right _to govern and hold dominion 
 over all worlds. 4. He is the fountain of all mer- 
 cy and goodness. 5. He it is that quickeneth His 
 people, and begetteth them again unto a lively 
 hope, through Jesus Christ, by His eternal Spirit. 
 6: Because of the endearing relation that exists 
 between Him and His people. 
 
 n. "Our Father." All Christians are one fam- 
 ily, of one origin, one aim, one interest. 'So one 
 man, no one sect, no one nation has any right to 
 arrogate to themselves alone, this petition and say, 
 "My Father ;" but it is, and must be forevei-, Ou7 
 Father. 
 
 HI. " Which art in Heaven." This phrase seems 
 to be used in the Scriptures to express : 1. The 
 Omnipresence of God. " The Heaven of heavens 
 cannot contain Thee." 1 Kings viii. 27. 2. His 
 majesty and dominion oyer His creatures. "Art 
 
200 JOURNAL. 
 
 not Thou Grod in Heaven, and rulest not Thou 
 over all the kingdoms of the Heathen?" 2 Chron. 
 XX. 6. 3. Hia power and might. "And in Thine 
 hand is there not power and might, so that none 
 is able to withstand Thee?" 2 Chron. xx. 6. 
 "But our God is in the Heavens; He hath done 
 whatsoever He pleased." Pa. cxv. 3. 4. His 
 Omniscience. " The Lord's throne is in Heaven. 
 His eyes behold, His eyelids try the children of 
 men." Ps. xi. 4. " The Lord looketh down 
 from Heaven : He beholdeth all the sons of men." 
 Ps. xxxiii. 13. 5. His infinite purity and holiness. 
 "Look down from Thy holy habitation, from 
 Heaven, and bless Thy people Israel and the land 
 which Thou hast given us." -Deut. xxvi. 15. "For 
 thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth 
 eternity, whose name is Holy: I dwell in the high 
 and holy place." Isa. Ivii. 15. 
 
 Yet we must be careful and not fix a local habi- 
 tation for Our Father. There may be a place 
 som'ewhere in His great universe where the rays 
 of the divine glory and excellency concentrate, 
 and from which they diverge to every part of that 
 immensity which He fills; but God is everywhere 
 — ^pervades all places , fills all time — ^past, present, 
 and future ; and at once superintends all things, 
 even the most minute — every spirit, and every 
 atom of matter. 
 
 IV". " Hallowed be Thy Fame." Name is put 
 for perpon, attributes and nature. Strictly speak- 
 ing, God has no name. We cannot give Him a 
 
1837—1841. 201 
 
 name to dlstinguisla Him from others, for there is 
 no other God but Him. His name, therefore, is 
 His being. 
 
 "Hallowed." 1. He is like nothing on earth 
 or that is earthly. He is a pure spirit, spotless, 
 infinite. 2. We are to hallow Him in our concep- 
 tions of His nature^ in our words, and manner of 
 speaking of Him; in imitating Him in our lives; 
 in teaching Him to our families, and in our sev- 
 eral callings ; in prayer and praise. 
 
 V. Inferences. 1. The name of God is used 
 but once in this prayer, to check the too frequent 
 use or repetition of the Divine Name in our pray- 
 ers. 2. "We should confide in His faithfulness and 
 promises. 3. "We should hope for His defence and 
 protection. 4. "We should reverence His Name. 
 5. We should cheerfully submit to His corrections 
 and chastisements. 6. We should love and obey 
 Him. 
 
 Jp •P ^n ^ T* T* *!* ^ 
 
 At Conference, in May, 1839, I received my ap- 
 pointment on the New Haven District, for the 
 second time. An appointment to be coveted by 
 no one, I accepted it as a cross, for the good of 
 the cause of religion. I hoped also to be useful 
 to the Weslfeyan University. For this purpose 
 I "removed my family from Hartford to Middle- 
 town; and commenced my labors, if not with 
 cheerfulness, with as much courage as possible 
 under the circumstances. 
 
 September 1. — Have finished one round on the 
 
202 JOURNAL. 
 
 District. Amidst all the turmoil we Lave had 
 some good seasons; but all things considered,.! 
 have never seen religion in the M. E. Church so 
 low — so little activity. The people seem to be in 
 a kind of feverish excitement. Preachers are slack 
 in the performance of pastoral duties ; confidence 
 is shaken. Lord, hav^e mercy on us, miserable 
 sinners ! 
 
 We held a Camp-meeting, but I fear little good 
 was done. Many noisy, rude young men made 
 great disturbance, and no one to keep the peace j 
 so we tried to bear it, and do the best we could. 
 
 September 10. — Held the first Centenary meeting 
 on the District; but little feeling on the subject — 
 about five-hundred dollars subscribed. 
 
 September 15. — A good meeting at Milford. The 
 Society more alive than any I found on the District. 
 
 October 3. — Visited Sachem's Head, so called 
 from a Pequod Indian Sachem having been killed 
 here. His head was hung on a tree where it re- 
 mained a long time. The town is now quite a 
 resort for the fashionable public during warm 
 weather, for the sake of sea-bathing, fresh fish, 
 and oysters. 
 
 October 15. — At Clinton. An uneasy set of 
 young men attempted to disturb the meeting, but 
 after a few remarks kindly made on the impropri- 
 ety of such behavior in the house of Ggd, they 
 were quiet while I addressed them from Gen. vii. 1. 
 
 October 20. — ^At Madison Centre — a new place. 
 Spoke freely to a few people from 2 Cor. v. 14, 15, 
 and hope, some good will follow. 
 
1837—1841. 203 
 
 October 21. — ^Eode twenty-two miles througli the 
 rain, home — my coming an unexpected joy to my 
 family. 
 
 November 17. — Quarterly-meeting on Madison 
 Circuit — divisions, little Ufe. Preached on. Satur- 
 day from 1 Thess. v. 19. God attended His word 
 to the heart. To-day was a day of profit through- 
 out. God gave me liberty ia speaking to the peo- 
 ple from 2 Cor. viii. 9. Several were cut to the 
 heart, and I hope 'the impressions may be lasting. 
 Eode five miles, and addressed a large and atten- 
 tive assembly on the importance of Temperance. 
 
 The Legislature of Connecticut has given to tha 
 people of each town to say, by their votes, whether 
 any person shall be licensed to sell liquor. The 
 friends of humanity are preparing for the contest; 
 the Lord send them prosperity ! I feel it my duty 
 to give all the help in my power ; so I lift up my 
 voice against rum-drinking, rum-selling, and rum- 
 making. I think the good cause is gaining ground. 
 God is raising up a standard against this desolating 
 scourge. I have been in the van in this State, on 
 this subject. As early as 1826 I began it, and as 
 I traveled extensively, I cried aloud wherever I 
 could. The largest churches of different denom- 
 inations were opened and filled by those anxious 
 to hear the discussion of this subject; but many 
 opposed who should have known better. 
 
 November 22. — Rode twelve miles to attend a 
 Temperance meeting at Ponset. Dr. Field, a Con- 
 gregational minister, and two Methodist ministers 
 
204 JOURNAL. 
 
 were present. All took part in the exercises. I 
 trust some good to the cause will result. 
 
 November 23, 24. — Quarterly-meeting at Had-' 
 dam. Pi-eached three sermons, had Lovefeast and 
 Sacrament, and a Temperance meeting in the 
 evening. Though it rained in torrents, quite a 
 number of men were present. 
 
 December 14. — At l^ew Haven. A time of pow- 
 er in the Lovefeast; the saints shouted for joy. 
 On Sunday preached twice from 1 John iv. 18. 
 The Lord of Hosts was in the midst of His peo- 
 ple, the love of God filled many to overflowing, 
 though a tremendous snow-storm prevented a large 
 attendance. 
 
 December 15. — ^Kept housed by the snow-storm. 
 
 December 16. — Started for home — plunged along 
 for three or four miles, then stuck fast in a snow- 
 bank. Took my horse from . the sleigh, and re- 
 turned to- New Haven. 
 
 December 17. — ^Leffc horse and sleigh in New- 
 Haven, and returned home by rail-road and stage. 
 
 December 28. — Started for Derby, but after driv- 
 ing twenty-five miles through a tremendous snow- 
 storm, put up in Waterbury with mj- good old 
 
 friend, Bro. B . On Saturday the snow and 
 
 rain fell all day, and at night it froze. On Sunday, 
 traveling w^as impossible ; so here I was, shut up. 
 
 But, making a virtue of necessity, I held Quar- 
 terly-meeting with the good people of "Waterbury, 
 and sent on my appointment for Derby, three 
 weeks from that tinae. At "Waterbury I remained, 
 
1837—1841, 205 
 
 and helped them until Friday — a good work ot 
 the Lord is progressing; about forty souls have 
 been converted. 
 
 January 3. — Left for "Woodbury; floundered 
 through the snow-banks, and arrived in safety. 
 Thank God for His care of man and beast! 
 
 January 7. — Traveling still bad. Returned to 
 my family ; spept two days and three nights, leav- 
 ing again on Friday. 
 
 Rode between thirty and forty miles to Derby, 
 and staid with my friend, Bro. Isaac Gilbert. This 
 week the weather was extremely cold ; 26° below 
 zero, but we held one Quarterly-meeting; preached 
 ^three sermons, heard two, held Lovefeast, and ad- 
 ministered the Lord's Supper. 
 
 January 21. — ^By reason of snow-banks, was 
 compelled to ride eleven milesj to go three ; some- 
 times between snow-banks over my horse's back, 
 sometimes they were four or five feet above the 
 road, sometimes through fields and over fences, 
 up and down like the swells of the ocean; but 
 arrived in safety, and preached in che evening. 
 
 January 22. — Li the midst of a storm which 
 continually increased, I started for home. After 
 facing it about fortj-- miles, arrived in safety, cold 
 and weary, but thankful to God for His great 
 mercy. 
 
 January 24. — ^Another storm of snow and rain, 
 which froze and crusted. Traveling bad enough, 
 but must be ofi" to Quarterly-meeting. 
 
 I recount, with heartfelt gratitude to God, His 
 
206 JOURNAL. 
 
 tender care over me and mine. In the midst of 
 storm and cold, my health has been preserved; all' 
 my appointments have been attended, and my fam- 
 ily are in good health 
 
 February 13. — One of the most awful calamities 
 that ever happened in this country, took place on 
 the Long Island Sound. The Steamer Lexington, 
 which left E'ew York for Providence, R. I., with 
 about one hundred and fifty passengers, took fire, 
 and all on board, save four, perished. 
 
 February 28. — Have been quite unwell for two 
 weeks, almost unable to move about, with terrible 
 spasms of pain in my head. Though obliged to 
 curtail my extra labors, have missed none of my 
 regular appointments.' The work on the District 
 is brightening; — revivals in several places. 0, for 
 a general shower of grace ! 
 
 Centenary of Methodism. — Methodism is not a 
 new thing, but a revival of true, old fashioned 
 Scriptural religion. Facts show it to have been 
 under the special Providence of God. It is a 
 system of means well adapted to the end — the sal- 
 vation of men. It had in it all the elements of uU 
 the great benevolent movements of the Church 
 from the beginning — Missionary, Sunday-School, 
 Tract, Temperance, Anti-Slavery, and the Bible 
 Cause. Mr. Wesley was more than one hundred 
 years ahead of the age in which he lived. 
 
 During the month of Marcli I was much afHicted 
 with severe pains in my jaws and head; but by 
 great exertion, and the goodness of a gracious God, 
 
1837—1841. 207 
 
 I was enabled to keep at my work, so far as to 
 travel and attend my regular meetings, and some 
 extra appointments. 
 
 April 29. — We have had some good seasons at 
 our Quarterlj--me_etings. There is more zeal and 
 union among the brethren, which promises much. 
 Lord, fill all hearts with thy love ! How precious 
 should the name of Jesus be to every sinnerl 
 What could we do without this Name? All 
 would be darlcness and despair, My heart adores 
 the riches of grace, and the fullness of His Re- 
 deeming love. may I believe on Him, love and 
 obey Him,, and be kept by Him fi-om all siu ! I 
 owe all to Him, and expect all from Him. Precious 
 Jesus ! 
 
 I ha.ve had much assistance from the Lord in 
 preaching, but have had sore conflicts with the 
 adversary. Temptations have assailed me from 
 without and within ; the Searcher of hearts only 
 knows what I have felt and passed through. Had 
 not the Almighty arm of Heavenly mercy sustained 
 me, I should have fainted. To Him be all the 
 praise ! 
 
 June 11. — Conference commenced its session in 
 New York, and continued nearly two weeks. I 
 felt it my duty to resign my District; and my 
 appointment was made for Green St. church, New 
 York. As soon as practicable I removed my fam- 
 ily to our new home, and entered with great 
 diflUdence upon my duties. For several weeks 
 my health and spirits were poor, my mind was 
 
208 JOUKNAL. 
 
 cast down, my faith became feeble, and Satan took 
 a wonderful advantage of me. No mortal can ever 
 know what agonies my soul endured; but God 
 was entreated. He heard prayer for the sake of 
 the Lord Jesus ; the day dawned, light sprung up, 
 my heart rejoiced and praised the Holy One of 
 Israel, 
 
 My health also improved, and my spirits were 
 revived. 0, how much prayer and watchfulness, 
 self denial and constant labor, it demands to live 
 in the Spirit! If a man does not live in the 
 Spirit, he will fulfill the desires of the flesh, or 
 sink into a lukewarm, careless state of feeling. 
 There is, then, and can be no real happiness to a 
 human soul but in the enjoyment of God, 
 
 O my God, keep me from falling ! Come and 
 dwell in me, and conform me to Thyself! 
 
 In the midst of this the Lord was very good to 
 us. He made bare His arm, and several were 
 converted : some were filled with perfect love, and 
 the Classes were generally quickened. How great 
 is the loving kindness of the Lord ! 
 
 My family have been absent in the country, and 
 left me alone in the house ; but I have had precious 
 seasons in communion with God. To Him I be- 
 long. May He be my everlasting portion ! Preach- 
 ing, prayer-meetings, meeting Classes, and visiting 
 the people, have occupied all my time. I am 
 growing old; I get weary, and cannot do as I 
 could once. 
 
 September 19. — Last Thursday I commenced 
 
1837—1841. 209 
 
 preacliing, but was suddenly taken" dizzj', and 
 could not proceed. ^ Another preacher took my 
 place. But in the evening I was able to preach 
 as usual, and on Friday morning and evening to 
 preach again — yet I do not feel well. Three ser- 
 mons for to-morrow. Lord, be my help ! 
 
 September 20. — Preached in the morning at 
 Duane St. and in the afternoon and evening at my 
 own church — afterwards, prayer-meeting. Several 
 mourners were at the altar; God- did own His 
 word. 
 
 September 21. — My heart is fixed on God. In 
 the morning visited several families : some were 
 sick, some have lost friends, some have lost Christ. 
 Gave each sucli advice as suited their case ; prayed, 
 and left them. 
 
 September 22. — Visited a man very low with con- 
 sumption — found him as ignorant of the Saviour 
 and His salvation as a heathen. Although he has 
 lived a drunkard, he yet expected to escape punish- 
 ment, because he had wronged no man ! He has 
 lived in this city of light and privileges : yet neither 
 knows himself nor his God. I explained to him 
 the first principles of our holy religion : he listened 
 with attention, and seemed somewhat affected. 
 Who knows but God may pluck this brand from 
 the burning ! 
 
 September 23. — A beautiful morning. I arose 
 early, and felt considerable life and joy of spirit.. 
 The poor man I visited yesterday, is to-day far 
 gone, but utterly unconcerned. 
 
210 JOURNAL. 
 
 September 26. — He is dead, and gone to his Judge, 
 No visible change. 
 
 October 14. — ^Blessed news from our Mission in 
 Oregon — more than five hundred Indians convert- 
 ed in a few months ! This is something like the 
 days of Pentecost, when the Holy Ghost was first 
 poured out upon the disciples. What Christian 
 can help crying out — Lord, let the flame spread all 
 over the heathen world ! 
 
 October 18. — At nine, A. M., baptized by immer- 
 sion. Heard a good sermon from Bro. Wm. K. S., 
 at three, P. M., on Matt. v. 3. At seven, preached 
 in the Mulberry St. Church from 1 Cor. iv. 20. 
 Arrived at my own church in time to hear part 
 of Bro. J's sermon in ^'-'^or of the Bible Cause. 
 Throughout the day struggled hawl against feel- 
 ings of discouragement, with unusual depression 
 of spirits; yet felt some comfort in preaching. 
 I desire to have a holy flame of love burning con- 
 tinually in my soul, consuming everything opposed 
 to its own nature. 
 
 October 23. — ^Visited the sick. God has filled 
 the soul of one of His saints with perfect love 
 that casts out fear. She is triumpTiant in and over 
 ■death ; she shouts " glory," and is full of love and 
 heaven. I never saw more triumphant faith. She 
 will soon depart and be with Christ. In the even- 
 ing preached from Psalms xxv. 14. Several re- 
 quested that the same subject be given them on 
 Sunday; that must be as God wills. 
 
 October 24. — Preachers' meeting, which lasted 
 
1837—1841. 211 
 
 till one o'clock — ^yarious subjects discussed. Full 
 of business, company, and visiting the sick all day 
 — hardly time to pray. 0, Lord, prepare my 
 mind for Thy work on Thy Holy Day. 
 
 October 27. — My soul is much drawn out after 
 God. I am poor, unworthy, and weak. I have no 
 righteousness of my own. O for the righteous- 
 ness of faith ! I see that Christ is the end of the 
 law for righteousness, to every one that believeth ; 
 but I do not feel all the power of this faith that I 
 desire. I am not filled with the Holy Ghost — this 
 is what I want. that God may work in me by 
 His Holy Spirit, for the sake of Jesus Christ my 
 Lord, who died for me and rose again. 
 
 I believe His blood cleanseth from all sin. Lord, 
 cleanse me — cleanse me now from all filthiness of 
 the flesh and spirit ! 
 
 November 1. — Quite unwell with a severe cold ; 
 not able to preach to-day. Local brethren sup- 
 plied the pulpit. A full house, and a good prayer- 
 meeting in the evening. Several deeply penitent 
 at the altar; among them an aged, grey-headed 
 man. 
 
 November 2. — A day of turmoil and labor — mov- 
 ing into a new, unfinished Parsonage ; goods piled 
 up in the attic, yard, cellar and other places. But 
 God gave us patience. "What are worldly conven- 
 iences without Christ ? — and with Him we may be 
 content without them. 
 
 November 8. — Our prayer-meeting in the evening 
 
212 JOURNAL. 
 
 was attended with divine power. Twelve persons 
 were at the altar for praj'ers. 
 
 November 15. — In the afternoon preached to a 
 multitude of people on perfect love, and God was 
 in His word. In the evening, preached again on 
 the fruits of perfect love : the power of God -svas 
 present in the prayer-meeting that followed, and 
 several found the Lord. 
 
 November 19. — Attended the dedication of Bed- 
 ford St. Church. Sermon by Bishop Hedding. 
 ■ They have a large and commodious house of wor- 
 ship. 
 
 November 30. — The Sunday School Union of the 
 M. E. Church was formed at the Mulberry St. 
 Church, under a Constitution approved by the last 
 General Conference. 
 
 December 8. — Spent the moi'ning in study. Met 
 the Book-Committee, and attended the funeral of 
 an aged sister, who died full of faith and the Holy 
 Ghost. In the evening met Class — commence- 
 ment of the third regular visitation of the Classes. 
 If the members will attend, I shall see them all, 
 by God's help, once a Quarter. 
 
 December 10. — -The Scriptures afford a rich 
 breakfast. in the morning. Finished the Book of 
 Numbers, and began the first Epistle of Peter. 
 The Israelites were a strange and unbelieving 
 people — so are we. Moses was an extraordinary 
 man, few like him. Peter holds out glorious priv- 
 ileges to believers. 
 
 December 11. — Preached in the evening on Infant 
 
1837—1841. 213 
 
 Baptism. 1. Showed the organization of ihe Gos- 
 pel Church to have been with Abraham. 2. That 
 it was composed of adults and children, and was 
 unto the coming of Christ. 3. That children were 
 admitted into the Church then, by a religious rite, 
 viz. circumcision. 4. That this rite has been 
 changed to water-baptism, but no change was made 
 in regard to the subjects of the Church, or the rite. 
 5. That little children, by the express declaration 
 of Christ, were constituted subjects of His king- 
 dom, and therefore were proper subjects of bap- 
 tism. 6. It follows, of course, that it is the duty 
 of all Christian parents to have their children 
 baptized. Ifot to do it is, in effect, forbidding them 
 to come to Christ. 
 
 ^ December 16. — Met the Board of Managers of 
 the Missionary Society. Important news from 
 Africa. A war of words broke out between the 
 Governor and the Missionaries, which I fear will 
 prove the death-dirge to the Colonization Society. 
 It is certainly an anomaly in government, that a 
 self-constituted society of individuals in the United 
 States should plant a colony in Africa, make laws 
 for it, declare war and make peace, imprison citi- 
 zens of the United States, confiscate their proper- 
 ty, and even take their lives. JHo sovereign State 
 in this Union has such authority : it belongs only 
 to the General Government. The Governor of^ 
 Liberia has taken a dislike to our missions and 
 missionaries, and would, if he dare, persecute them 
 with fire and sword. But God will bring the 
 
214 jomiNAL, 
 
 effects of his wrath upon his own head, if the 
 missionaries stand firm, and attend to their proper 
 work. 
 
 December 20. — A lovely day. God enabled me 
 to speak forcible words from 1 Cor. x. 35. At 
 half-past one I addressed the Sunday School. At 
 three o'clock heard Dr. Bond, from St. John iii. 
 18 ; and in the evening preached from 2 Peter ii. 
 9. God made His word a hammer and a fii'e; 
 several were cut to the heart. In the prayer-meet- 
 ing that followed, a dozen new cases at the altar 
 showed the effects of His two-edged sword. I 
 retired to rest with a thankful heart. 
 
 December 22. — My mind is enabled to stay itself 
 more firmly on God. He is the only Eock : all 
 else is quicksand. Have visited some, attended 
 three funerals, and in the evening met Class. 
 
 December 28. — Fine air, but bad walking. E"ot 
 well, but mind calm. Stewards' meeting in the 
 evening: a deficiency in the -collections makes 
 them feel uneasy ; but God will take care of this 
 also. The gold and silver are His. When relig- 
 ion prospers, money comes plentifully. 
 
 December 29. — I have walked on the ice and 
 frozen ground, until my limbs pain me much. 
 These things only pave the way for death; and 
 death is the gate to Heaven. At seven, met Class. 
 I love a Class-meeting better than a Tea-party — so 
 left a company for the place of prayer. 
 
 December 31. — Last day of the year 1840. May 
 it be to thousands the end of sin, lukewarmuess, 
 
18A1-1843. 
 
 A Blessed New Year's Day. — Six Degrees Below Zero! Visiting 
 the Sick and Poor. — "Something Clogs- the Wheels." — "Souls 
 Saved! what a Thought!" — .Weeks of Terrible SufFering. — 
 " Death loves a Shining Mark." — Old John St. — Death- of Presi- 
 dent Harrison. — A Serious Accident- — Funeral Pageant. — Mrs. 
 Bangs, a Sufferer. — Our Foreign Missions. — A Busy week. — Con- 
 ference of 1841. — Re-appointed to Green St. — Rev. Charles Pit- 
 man. — Plan of a Sermon on Rev. ii. 5. — The Power of God dis- 
 played in the Sanctuary. — Synopsis of a Discourse on Heb. iv. 7. 
 — Mortality in Green St. Church. — The Deaf Mute. — The Necessity 
 of Christ's Sufferings. — Thoughts on Education. — Appointed to 
 Forsyth St. Church, New York City. — A Question. — Things 
 Changeful, and things Changeless. 
 
 lAuTTlJARY 1. — A tremendous snow-storm. 
 Preached in the morning on Eph. v. 16, 
 and notwithstanding the storm, had a 
 good congregation and a precious season. The 
 Lord was amongst His people, and the day was a 
 blessed E'ew Year's day. May the year prove a 
 good year for the ingathering of souls ! 
 
 January 2. — Was called to see a woman sup- 
 posed to be dying. She was without God and 
 without, hope — her cries were pitiful; the whole 
 family were in tears. I prayed and left her. 
 
 January 4. — ^Very cold — six degrees below Zero. 
 Found it profitable to visit the sick and poor. The 
 woman I visited on Saturday was somewhat re- 
 vived, and now cared less for her soul. Thus it is 
 w\th. many: when death stares them in the "face, 
 they will cry unto the Lord ; but when the danger 
 
216 JOURNAL. 
 
 eeems past, they become again unconcerned and 
 forget Him. 
 
 January 8. — Held Lovefeast in the evening. 
 I'he Lord blessed His people; they spoke with 
 freedom. 1 read the Discipline, and took five into 
 the church. At the request of the brethren, de- 
 termined to hold extra meetings for, the promotion 
 of the cause of religion among us. 
 
 February 1. — Meetings last week were not as 
 lively and interesting as during the week before. 
 My own health has been poor, and my spirits have 
 been severely tried and wounded. My refuge has 
 been prayes. I cry for patience, that it may have 
 its perfect work. 
 
 February 6. — The week has been one of labor, 
 but something clogs th« wheels; the Ark does not 
 move on as we wish. Lord, show us the hindrance! 
 
 February 7. — The Sunday School anniversary 
 was very interesting. I preached them a sermon, 
 and we raised one hundred and forty dollars for 
 the school. In the evening, one who had beeu 
 long a mourner found peace. 
 
 February 10. — Have suffered three days wilh 
 neuralgia in my head. Met Class at three o'clock, 
 and attended meeting in the evening, but waf 
 obliged to leave before the close. In the midst ol 
 all, God has kept me in peace and patience. 
 
 February 20. — The past week has been one of 
 active, blessed labor. Many sinners have been 
 awakened, and several converted. On Wednesday 
 and Friday evenings, especially, the power of the 
 
1841—1843. 217. 
 
 Lord was revealed, the convictions" were deep, and 
 the conversions powerful. Lord, fit me more 
 fully for Thy work! My soul has been wonder- 
 fully blessed. 0, what a wonder of mercy ! God 
 is love ! But I desire the fullness — all the mind 
 that was in Christ : this is man's highest glory. 
 I anticipate a day of toil on the Sabbath ; but if 
 my God is with me to help me, and I may be use- 
 ful to the Church, I shall go through with it with 
 joy and gladness. Souls saved — 0, what a thought! 
 Lord, send out Thy light and Thy truth ! Let the 
 kingdom of darkness tremble under Thy powerful 
 arm! 
 
 February 21. — Felt unwell, but preached three 
 times, baptized five persons, visited the Sunday 
 School, and held praj'er-meeting after the evening 
 service, at which three found peace. Retired at 
 eleven, feeling weary enough. Slept but little, 
 yet was happy in my soul, which is best of all. 
 
 February 22. — Still unwell, but met the seekers 
 at three o'clock. At four, attended the S. S. 
 TInion. In the evening meeting the Lord wrought 
 in power, three found peace in believing. Blessed 
 be God, my soul was strong in faith, and humbly, 
 yet confidently stayed upon the name of the Lord. 
 
 February 28. — what a night of pain ! This 
 day have preached twice and heard one sermon ; 
 but 0, how I have suffered! I could only cry,- 
 Lord, give me patience ; and He did give it to me, 
 thanks to His holy Name ! 
 
 March 8. — A week of teriible pain. For six 
 
218 
 
 JOURNAL, 
 
 days and nights I obtained scarcely any ease or 
 sleep, yet God preserved me in patience. I adore 
 Him for all His chastisements, as well as His mer- 
 cies. Yesterday, preached once, and spent two 
 hours in the Sunday School Missionary Society. 
 In three weeks, the children have gathered more 
 than forty dollars in pennies. How good the 
 work, how fitting the hands employed — little 
 children being trained in the right way ! In the 
 evening prayer-meeting three found peace. 
 
 Lord, I am Thine — soul, body, time, talents — 
 all I have and am. Use me as Thou shalt see 
 best; only make me holy. Give me Thy mind, 
 Thy fullness of love, of faith and hope. 
 
 March 12. — The pain in my head continues, 
 which makes me sensitive to cold air. Attended 
 meeting every day and evening this week, except 
 one. Some have found the Lord. I thank the 
 good Lord for His mercy to me in the midst of 
 affliction : but still I am so unwell in body, that 
 it weighs down, in some degree, the mind. I find 
 it difficult to think, talk, read or rest. 
 
 March 24. — ^Last Saturday, through the day and. 
 night, I suffered what tongue cannot describe; no 
 sleep, but constant, excessive pain. On Sunday 
 morning a dentist undertook to extract a large 
 tooth, but broke it twice, leaving the root in the 
 ' jaw. The cutting of the nerve gave some relief 
 but I was as feeble as a child for three days and 
 nights. Thank God ! He kept me from murmur- 
 ing. Last night I slept some — this morning ray 
 head is easy, my heart is thankful. 
 
1S41— 1843. 219 
 
 March 29. — How forcibly was I reminded of the 
 saying : " Death loves a shining mark," when the 
 Post brought a letter this morning from my wife's 
 sister, detailing the circumstances of the death of 
 three of her children — two daughters, one twenty- 
 five, the other twenty-three, and a son twenty-two 
 years of age^-well educated, beautiful in person, 
 loving and beloved. 
 
 April 5. — Preached in John Street church. "We 
 had a good congregation, notwithstanding the 
 rain, and a Bishop to preach to. Our friends have 
 pulled down their old church to widen the street, 
 and put up a smaller house, with two dwelling- 
 houses on either side of the church. 
 
 The afflicting news has just arrived, which 
 throws a nation into mourning — the death of the 
 President of the United States of America, after 
 having filled the office just one month. The Lord 
 reigneth, let the people tremble before Him. How 
 worldly ambition and glory fade away ! 
 
 April 8. — To-day, my wife, while at my brother 
 l^Tathan's house on Crosby Street, in passing 
 through the basement-hall, made a misstep, and 
 fell about eight feet into the cellar, fracturing her 
 thigh bone. "We brought her home on a Hospital- 
 litter. Two surgeons attended, but could afford 
 no relief. Life was spared, so that, in the midst 
 of affliction, we have cause for thankfulness. 
 
 April 10. — A memorable day in this City — ^the 
 funeral ceremonies of the late President. It is 
 supposed that more than fifty thousand persons 
 
220 jour:jal. 
 
 participated in the pageant. The militaiy and 
 civic procession extended nearly four miles. How 
 soon will all be forgotten ! 
 
 April 11. — Mrs. B. still lies in great pain, with- 
 out the prospect of speedy or effectual relief. 
 Lord, do Thou sustain her ! 
 
 This afternoon I improved the occasion of the 
 death of the Chief Magistrate of the Nation, from 
 1 Peter i. 24, 26. It was a solemn occasion. The 
 church was draped in mourning, and deep serious- 
 ness characterized the assembly. 
 
 April 16. — Mi-s. B. is more comfortable — there 
 is some hope, though we fear a stiff joint, or a 
 short limb. In the midst of pain, toil and watch- 
 ing, my heart has adored the Name of the Lord. 
 He has been good and full of mercy. 
 
 We have had much perplexity with all our 
 foreign missions. Africa is full of dissensions, and 
 South America is a most barren field. If the 
 woman of the Apocalypse has not her seat there, 
 she has her full-grown myrmidons, and they play 
 their part well. The Spaniards have shed much 
 innocent blood; so God sends them wars at 
 home, and in South America. They will go on 
 revolutionizing until they open their eyes, and 
 realize that superstition is not religion, and con- 
 sent to give full liberty of conscience. Despotism 
 in religion, and civil liberty cannot live together. 
 
 May 8.-^A busy week : from twelve to fifteen 
 meetings of different kinds. My flesh complains 
 I am weary, indeed, but labor seems rest, if God 
 
1841—1843. 221 
 
 live in the soul. My heart has mourned over ray 
 own want of faith and love — 'Over the lukewarm- 
 nes3 of many Christians, the little good done, the 
 profanity and wickedness around us. "What shall 
 be done ? Lord, arise and maintain Thy cause ! 
 
 On the 19th of May, our Annual Conference 
 commenced its session, and continued two weeks. 
 For me it was a season of constant labor. I was 
 returned to my charge in Greene Street, JSTew 
 Tork. I enter upon my work in the name of the 
 Lord, trusting only in Him for success. 
 
 June 14. — ^Providence sent me preachers for the 
 entire day yesterday, without my seeking. Rev. 
 C. Pitman, the Missionary Secretary, preached in 
 the morning from Rom. viii. 1. First. He showed 
 what it was to be " in Christ." Second. "What it 
 was to " walk not after the flesh, but after the 
 spirit". Third. That to such there was no 'condem- 
 nation. 
 
 The following thoughts were suggested while 
 he was preaching, viz. — ""Who walk after the 
 spirit?" Not that a man can be in Christ, and 
 not walk after the Spirit ; or be in Christ and in 
 condemnation, at the same time; but he that is 
 in Christ does walk, or live after the Spirit ; there- 
 fore there is no condemnation to him : he lives in- 
 the Spirit ; i. e. he lives wifii an evidence of his 
 acceptance and adoption, in the comforts of the 
 Spirit, in the victory of the Spirit, and in the hopes 
 of the Spirit. To walk is to live, to-bontinue. He is 
 not condemned for his past sins ; they are blotted 
 
222 JOURNAL; 
 
 out : he is not condemned for unavoidable imper- 
 fections ; they are covered by atoning blood. The 
 sentence of death is remitted. The Law no longer 
 condemns him, for its claims are met for him by 
 Christ. The Gospel does not condemn him, for 
 he fulfills its requirements by living in Christ by 
 faith, and walking in the Spirit. 
 
 September 13. — Yesterday, preached three times ; 
 administered the Lord's Supper to a large number 
 of communicants; baptized; attended a funeral; 
 solemnized matrimony, and closed the day with a 
 prayer-meeting. The Lord greatly assisted me — 
 as was my day so was my strength. 
 
 In the morning I enforced Rev. ii. 5. L The 
 character addressed, fallen ; not into error of doc- 
 trine,. but from their first love — from that simple, 
 warm, holy affection they had when first brought 
 to God. IL The manner in which they were ad- 
 dressed. They were affectionately called to re- 
 member, to repent, to do their first works^ and 
 were threatened with excision if they did not. 
 
 Inferences. 1. We see what in religion is 
 most valuable in the sight of God : not doctrine, 
 not labor, not any outward good; but a loving 
 heart. 2. Let us examine ourselves, and know 
 whether we have not left our first love. Are we as 
 simple, humble, and devout as when first convert- 
 ed to God ? 3. If not, should we not repent, now'? 
 The persons addressed were not apostates, but 
 backsliders in heart. 
 
 October 11. — For some time past there has been 
 
1841—1843. 223 
 
 a reviving among the brethren, and congregations 
 have increased. 
 
 Yesterday was a day of labor : with a bad cold, 
 had to preach three times. During the prayer- 
 meeting in the evening a singular scene occurred. 
 Near the door of th« church the Spirit of God be- 
 gan to work among the young people. One young 
 man left his associates and came to the altar; 
 another was smitten down in his seat, but presently 
 revived and came to the altar, where, in ten or 
 fifteen minutes, he fell like a log 'to the floor ; one 
 or two more also fell back. A young lady was 
 similarly affected while sitting in her pew ; two of 
 her companions assisted her to leave the church, 
 one accompanied her home, the other returned. 
 In a few moments the Lord smote her, and she 
 came to the altar, crying aloud for mercy. 
 
 My discourse was from Hebrews iv. 7 ; '" To-day, 
 if ye will hear His voice, harden not your hearts." 
 " To-day" — in this dispensation, this present life, 
 the day of probation, of long suffering. " To-day" 
 — now, this present time, this hour. 
 
 " If ye will hear His voice" — His voice. God 
 speaks in His Providence : the loss of friends, of 
 health, of property. In His Word, He allures us 
 by promises, and deters us by threatenings — by 
 His Spirit within us, by reproof and conviction. 
 By the history of the past — the flood, the over- 
 throw of Sodom and Jerusalem, and the ungodly 
 at various times and places, and in various ways. 
 By the fearful threatenings of the future: death. 
 
224 JOURNAL. 
 
 hell and the judgment. By His servants preach- 
 ing to us Christ and the Resurrection,. They 
 come in His name, and by His authority call us 
 to repentance. " Harden not your hearts." Men 
 harden their own hearts by making light of sin, 
 religion, religious persons and r.eligious ordi- 
 nances; by turning away from instruction and 
 reproof, by delaying *the time of repentance, by 
 grieving the Holy Spirit, by indulging in sin, the 
 natural and necessary effect of which is to harden 
 the heart. < 
 
 " If ye will hear His voice." This is the only 
 possible way of not hardening our hearts, to hear 
 and obey the voice of God ; repent and believe ; 
 turn at His reproof. Attend, then, 0, attend to 
 this timely expostulation ! To-day hear, obey, and 
 harden not your hearts. 
 
 October 15. — ^Death has made a large draft upon 
 the Green St. Church since Conference. Eight 
 members, six brethren and two sisters, have died ; 
 but we have this consolation, that they died in the 
 Lord. 
 
 This morning, a lovely and useful member was 
 cut down — the wife of Bro. J. M. H. She was 
 delirious from the time she appeared to be in 
 danger, and could give no expression of her feel- 
 ings ; but her life is a full guarantee for her safety 
 and happiness. God, while Thy judgments are 
 abroad in the land, let the people learn righteous- 
 ness ! 
 
 October 16. — "We committed to the dust the body 
 
1841—1843. 225 
 
 of our Sister H., to rest until the voice of the Lord 
 shall call her forth to life, at the Resurrection of 
 the Just. 
 
 January 31. — ^For some weeks past God has 
 been reviving His work, both in my own soul and 
 among the people. About fifty have found salva- 
 tion, many backsliders have been reclaimed, and 
 the church has been greatly quickened. 
 
 For eight days, we held meetings in the morning, 
 afternoon and evening'. Last evening, the Lord 
 wrought wonderfully among the people. A deaf 
 and dumb man was powerfully converted to God. 
 He is a man of intelligence and culture — under- 
 stands Latin, Greek and Hebrew. 
 
 February I.t— This night seven or eight found 
 the Lord. The deaf mute was present, and full of 
 the Holy Ghost. He wrote an address to the un- 
 converted, which was read to the congregation, 
 and produced a powerful eifect. His zeal for the 
 salvation of sinners is wonderful. He plead, though 
 silently, with great power for mourners, pointing 
 cJtiem to Jesus both by signs and by writing on his 
 slate. There was a mighty influence among the 
 people. Lord, continue Thy work! 
 
 February 18. — About seventy souls have found 
 the Lord. Such was the Divine influence among 
 the people, that if the church had continued 
 unitedly at their post, I do believe we might have 
 had three hundred as well as three-score. But 
 when the fire -goes down in the altar, I have in- 
 variably noticed that it slackens among the people. 
 
226 JOURNAL. 
 
 This cannot be God's fault — it must be ours. 
 What a responsibility rests upon the Church! 
 What an account must they render in the great 
 Day! 
 
 March 27. — ^Easter Sunday. My brother Nathan 
 preached in the morning, on the Resurrection of 
 the Saviour. In the afternoon I endeavored to 
 show the necessity of Christ'^ sufferings, fronj 
 Luke xxiv. 26. I. As a fulfillment of the sacrifices 
 of the Law, which were only typical, deriving all 
 their importance from the sufferings of Christ their 
 Antetype. II. As a fulfillment of the predictions of 
 the Prophets. They spoke of a suffering Messiah — 
 though He was to conquer. He was to conquer 
 through His sufferings. Ifone but a Christ who 
 suffered, would answer their predictions. Did the 
 Jews consider this, how soon would they abandon 
 their hopes of a temporal King ! HI. They were 
 necessary, that the government of God might be 
 sustained and sinners saved. The sufferings of 
 Christ are to be viewed in reference to sin, and siq 
 in reference to the Law. The Law was violated, 
 and its penalty must be felt by some one. The 
 sinner could not be pardoned in an arbitrary man- 
 ner, by an act of sovereignty, nor could amendment 
 of life atone for past offences. Government mus^fc 
 be sustained, and the sinner must suffer the penalty 
 himself, or by proxy. Christ became the Redeemer 
 and undertook to pay the price due from the sinner. 
 The penalty was death; so Jesus suffered and died 
 for man, in the place of man. He bore the sins 
 
1841—1843. ' 227 
 
 (the penalty due to sin) of many. Thus God now 
 may be just, and the justifier of him who believeth 
 in Jesus. IV. His sufferings were necessary that 
 He might enter into His Glory. The Glory of 
 Christ is His being the Mediator and High Priest : 
 this He obtained by His sufferings. He has carried 
 our humanity into Heaven, and glorified it at the 
 right hand of God. All petitions must come up to 
 the Throne of God through Him. His blood 
 speaks, and pleads for us. All benefits are received 
 for man through His sufferings. Thus He has 
 entered into His Glory. 
 
 In the evening I drew several important infer- 
 ences from the doctrine laid down in the afternoon. 
 I. All difficulties are now removed, on the part of 
 God, that were in the way of man's salvation. H. 
 All the help necessary to enable man to comply 
 with the requirements of God and seek salvation, 
 is now afforded. IH. All the purposes for which 
 Christ suffered will be accomplished; for, if man 
 is lost, he will be lost, not for Adam's sin, but for 
 rejecting Christ. TV. An exhortation to sinners 
 to repent and believe the Gospel. 
 
 April 17. — This morning, preached on Education. 
 After an introduction, showed : I. The capabilities 
 of man, intellectual, moral and physical. H. That 
 education was designed to develop these capabil- 
 ities. The word is derived from a Latin word 
 which means educing, or bringing forth the hidden 
 powers of that to which it is applied. In the same 
 manner we use the word cultivate. "We speak of 
 
223 - JOUKNAL. 
 
 cultivating the mind as we speak of cultivating the 
 soil. God has naade the soil rich and fertile, but 
 cultivation makes it productive. So God has given 
 to us powers of mind, but education develops 
 them. God has given the diamond its value ; but 
 it is the polishing that gives it its luster and beauty. 
 Education gives to man the full command of every 
 faculty, both of mind and body ; thus calling out 
 his power of observation and reflection', and chang- 
 ing mere creatures of impulse, prej udiee and pas- 
 sion, into thinking, loving, reasoning men. Such 
 an education we need, as will lead to objects of 
 pursuit and habits of life favorable to the happiness 
 of each individual, and the community: an ed- 
 ucation which will multiply the means of moral 
 enjoyment, and diminish the. temptations to vice 
 and sensuality. The whole man should be educated 
 — ^the bo'dy, intellect and heart. IH. The import- 
 ance of such education to us as individuals, to our 
 social relations, to the country, the church and the 
 world. At the close of the discourse, I took a col- 
 lection for the Wesleyan University. 
 
 ******** 
 
 September 23. — Nothing has been noted down 
 since. April. Life has been, as usual, checkered 
 with duties and trials, comforts and cares, health 
 and sickness. Very many imperfections have 
 marked our course; but the goodness of God has 
 been abundantly made known through all. 
 
 At Conference, my appointment was changed to 
 the Forsyth St. Church in this city. At first there 
 
1841—1843. 229 
 
 were clouds, dark and portentous ; out these have 
 dispersed, and we have peace and some prosperity. 
 The church is large and the members numerous. 
 I feel a.diffidence in this great work, that sometimes 
 causes unspeakable distress. Who is sufficient for 
 these things ? God only can make our way pros- 
 ■ parous. My earnest desire is to preach Christ Jesus 
 in all feithfulness. I abhor that kind of preaching 
 which has little or no Christ in it. I need the 
 blood of sprinkling every moment. 
 
 There are some things in the Church, distressing 
 to a pious mind. There is too little confidence 
 among brethren. Among preachers, there is too 
 much jealousy of each other's influence — ^too much 
 selfishness and love of ease and money. Salary 
 is too prominent an object before the mind- 
 Where is the fiame of zeal that burned in the 
 bosom of our fathers ? Where is the self-sacrificing 
 'true devotion of the old preachers — that Christian 
 spirit which prefers another before ourselves ? 
 
 A blight seems to rest upon our Missionary 
 operations. Some are broken up, others are lan- 
 guishing ; all from lack of the right spirit. What 
 will you give me ? is the question. Give me more, 
 or I cannot go, is the assertion. What will be the 
 end of these things the Lord only knows* 
 
 Let me take heed that the sin does not lie at my 
 door. I thank God He does .enable me to rejoice 
 in another man's success ; but I deeply feel the 
 need of more holy zeal for God and souls. 
 
 1 Peter i. 24. '' The grass withereth, the flower 
 
230 JOURNAL. 
 
 thereof falleth away." Change is written oii every- 
 thing we see. The forest, proud in its native 
 strength and beauty, falls before the ax of the 
 husbandman. Cities rise where the tall pine once 
 reared its head, and the savage and the deer roam- 
 ed at pleasure. But cities themselves crumble into 
 dust and ashes before the ravages of the Vandal 
 warrior, and the iron hand of Time. Man, the 
 most noble, most beautiful, most perfect of all the 
 works of God, passeth away. The strong become 
 weak with infirmity and age ; the honored become 
 neglected, the young become old. 
 
 But is there nothing substantial — nothing on 
 which we may with safety depend — nothing be- 
 yond the influence of change ? Yes, thank God, 
 there is. " The Word of the Loi'd endureth for- 
 ever." It is the same at all times and in all places. 
 The love of God never fades away, its beauty never 
 decays, its strength is never weakened by time, its 
 fragrance is never lost. It is a treasure no thief 
 can steal, no moth corrupt, no fire consume, no 
 time can change. It lives when man turns to dust; 
 it abides with us through the ages of eternity. 
 This Heavenly Treasure all may possess. Have we 
 it now in possession? If not, seek it without 
 delay. If we possess it, guard it with ceaseless 
 care and diligence. 
 
1843-1844- 
 
 A Great Revival in Forsyth St. Church. — Fifty-Three Tears 
 of Age. — His Views on an important Subject. — Large Addition 
 of Member.? ; Decrease ; Explanation. — A Fearless Reproof. — Con- 
 ference of 1843. — Re- appointed to Forsyth St. Church. — Differ- 
 ence between the Religioji of Form, and that of the SpiHt. — A 
 Delightful Trip into the Country. — Dr. Olin'a Sermon, a Death 
 Stroke to Infidelity. — Synopsis of a Discourse on the Christian's 
 Armor. — Sketch- of a Sermon on Matt. xxiv. 14. — Crutches and 
 Spectacles. — Asking in Faith. — Synopsis of a Sermon on 1 Peter 
 i. 24. — Synopsis of a Sermon on Gal. iv. 5. 
 
 EBEUARY 25.— Since the 'E&w Year we 
 have held meeting every evening, and for 
 several days. Much good has been done ; 
 
 the Church has been greatly quickened and many 
 sinners awakened and converted. IN'ever before 
 was there so great and so general a work in this 
 city as at present. Indeed, throughout the length 
 and breadth of the land, thousands, and tens of 
 thousands are coming home to the Shepherd and 
 Bishop of their souls. But it is a heavy tax on 
 the flesh and bones of ministers. For a week I 
 have been housed, and' unable to attend a single 
 meeting. This is a heavy cross; but the Lord 
 gives grace' and will give glory. "Thy will be 
 done," is the language of my heart. I am an un- 
 profitable servant. After I have done all that I 
 
232 JOURNAL. 
 
 can, I must still say this. "WTiat lias a sinner saved 
 by Grace to boast of? Let him that glorieth, glory 
 in the Lord. But how prone is man to put confi- 
 dence in man ! May everything stand out of my 
 way, and let me behold my Saviour's face, and I 
 desire no more. My soul is humbled within me 
 at the remembrance of God's- mercy. 
 
 Friday, March 3. — The presence of the Lord is 
 still with us. Steadiness and faith on the part of 
 the church are all that is wanting for the continu- 
 ance of the work. The Lord will work if we do 
 not hinder. I thank God for His mercy to my- 
 self and to my family. My son Stephen has been 
 recently converted, praised be the Lord ! 
 
 My health-has failed in a measure, but, I love 
 the work, and God owns my feeble labors. 
 
 Monday, 20. — Yesterday was a good day in the 
 Lord. I preached three times with some degree 
 of liberty, and humbly trust to some good effect. 
 More than two hundred souls have been converted 
 since our meetings commenced, and still they 
 come, saying, " "What must we do to be saved ? " 
 
 My own soul has been greatly refreshed, though 
 it has passed through severe struggles. Lord, 
 glorify Thyself in my salvation. Open my eyes 
 to behold wonderful things out of Thy Law. Let 
 the Scriptures be an unsealed Book, that I may 
 teach Thy people the truth, and the whole truth 
 as it in Jesus. 
 
 A]pril 14, — This day ends the fifty-third year of 
 my life. Li May, it will be twenty-eight years 
 
1843—1844. 233 
 
 aince I entered the traveling ministry. Never be- 
 fore did I see so clearly the importance, and feel 
 so much the need of holiness, to meet God ! O 
 what a thought! To stand before His flaming 
 Eye ! "What but a pure heart can qualify a man 
 for such a meeting? I feel it more and more. 
 How little do men know of God, who think of 
 going to Heaven without holiness. Lord, may 
 I begin anew from this hour to live wholly to 
 Thee. Amen. My life must soon close : may I 
 be ready every day ; yea, every moment. 
 
 April 17. — Several found peace in the prayer- 
 meeting that followed yesterday's services. For 
 two weeks past, immense crowds have flocked to 
 
 hear Bro. M ; but' I, fear the effect will be 
 
 decidedly injurious — the people being more_ taken 
 with the man than with Christ. It is like a land- 
 flood which soon passes away, and leaves little 
 besides old logs, mud, and brushwood. How 
 dreadful, in the last day, if any preacher shall be 
 found to have preached himself, or with any view 
 to make himself popular, or to gain money by 
 preaching. St. Paul would glory in nothing but 
 the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. I do not say 
 that Mr. M., or any other man does do it; yet I 
 is a great word with him, often introduced. The 
 great majority of those who flock to hear him 
 have very little sympathy with us, when he is 
 absent. I hate man-worship; but we should 
 always esteem the faithful laborer for ,his work, 
 and the Master's sake. I fear the state of i'elig- 
 
234 JOURNAL. 
 
 0U8 feeling with our people generally, is worse 
 than before he came. Eeligion in the heart 
 should be like an ever-flowing spring of water — 
 full at all seasons — ever running, never dry. 
 
 June 9, 1843. — The past winter has been a sea- 
 son of great mercy. l!f early three hundred have 
 made a profession of religion — two hundred and 
 seventy-three have joined on probation, and sev- 
 enty-one by certificate: making in all an addition 
 of three hundred and forty-four. Four members 
 of the church have died, and ninety have removed 
 by certificate. So many were returned to the 
 Conference last year, not to be found on the- 
 books, that with all our additions, we have this 
 year between seventy and eighty net decrease. 
 Whatever effect it may have on the minds of oth- 
 ers, I shall have the consciousness of having re- 
 ported the truth. 
 
 At our Conference this spring we elected eleven 
 delegates to the next General Conference. In 
 this business I discovered what I hate, especially 
 in a body of ministers. It is called in politics, 
 "electioneering," "log-rolling;" fawning and 
 courting favor, to gain votes. Rather let me 
 never have office or honor, than bend to any of 
 these things. I have sometimes uttered my sen- 
 timents too plainly and too roughly in regard to 
 ministerial zeal and . fidelity to please, much less 
 flatter the majority. Let it be so : I feel that I 
 have only done my duty; and I fear not that, as 
 fully as I should have done. I devoutly pray my 
 
1843—1844. 235 
 
 Heavenly Father, for the sake of the blessed Lord 
 Jesus Christ, to forgive me this, as well as many 
 other errors and sins. My great desire is to honor, 
 not myself, but the Lord Jesus. The doctrine of 
 Atoning Blood is most precious. I take shelter 
 here, and this is all my hope and all my plea. 
 
 I am returned to my charge here in Forsyth 
 Street ; and last Sabbath, the first of the Confer- 
 ence year, the Lord gave us a delightful time. My 
 heart yearned for the salvation of the people, and 
 I felt as though the whole congregation was in my 
 heart. Lord, my talents, such as they are ; my 
 health and strength which Thou shalt give me; 
 my influence, my life, I desire here to consecrate 
 to Thee and the service of Thy Church. O, how 
 unworthy I feel this moment ! Sprinkle me with 
 Thy blood ! 0, for Jesus' sake accept my poor 
 offering, and give me Thy blessing. 
 
 June 25. — A week of affliction. My family have 
 been sick; but through mercy our lives are all 
 spared, and health is being restored. I was able 
 to creep out to church and preach from Philippians 
 lii. 3. The Lord helped me, and I felt much com- 
 forted while showing who were the true circum- 
 cision. I endeavored to- show the vast difference 
 between the religion of form, which only engages 
 the senses, and the religion of the Spirit, which 
 has its seat in the affections. It worships God in 
 the Spirit, and glories in Christ Jesus — not in the 
 wood of the Gross, not in the Sacrament of His 
 Blood, not in the sacred places where Christ has 
 
236 JOURNAL. 
 
 been ; but in Girist Himself-— Gbxist in the heart— 
 a Oross which crucifies us to the world, and the 
 world to us — ^the Blood of Christ sprinkling Ui 
 from an evil conscience : in a word, to Christ who 
 is a Saviour to take away our sins, and make us 
 holy in word and deed. 
 
 In the evening, the brother who had engaged 
 to preach for me not coming, I had to try again m 
 the name of the Lord. He helped .me while ex- 
 plaining 2 Cor. V. 19, 20. He owned His own 
 blessed word. Six men came to the altar for 
 prayers after the sermon, and tWo found peace. 
 At ten o'clock I felt better than in the morning, 
 and retired vsdth a thankful heart. Lord, keep me 
 humble. 
 
 Thursday, July 20. — There is a good feeling 
 among many of our brethren. If all take hoid as 
 they should, we are fully able to fulfill the noble 
 purposes for which we, as a church, were organ- 
 ized. The Sabbath was a good day ; the blessed 
 Jesus gave us His presence, and the word had free 
 course. In the evening two found peace. 
 
 October 5. — Since my last entry many things have 
 transpired, which it may be well to notice. 
 Through all, God has manifested His goodness. 
 A delightful trip into the country has very much 
 improved my health and spirits. 
 
 On Monday, the IStii of September I left home 
 for Delaware Co. The South-west wind on the 
 Hudson River imparted great vigor and buoyancy 
 to my spirits. A ride over the Catskili Mountains 
 
1843—1844. 237 
 
 gave us a panoramic view of a fine extent of beauti- 
 ful country, showing us the bounty of a benignant 
 Providence, and was enough to fill the heart with 
 the most fervent gratitude, I remained a few days 
 visiting among relatives and friends, and then re- 
 turned with ray family, who had been there some 
 weeks. 
 
 On the Sunday following, preached once to my 
 own dear flock', and God owned His word with 
 power ; it fell like rain upon the mown grass. 
 
 October 6. — God gives me better health than I 
 have enjoye^ for years. 0, for a thankful heart ! 
 
 Yesterday I heard Dr. Olin preach a dedication 
 sermon in the IN'orfolk St. church. It was a pre- 
 cious discourse, a death-stroke to infidelity, and a 
 beautiful presentation of Jesus Christ as man's 
 only hope. He is a strong man ; strong in faith. 
 May he be long spared to the church ! 
 
 October 17. — Preached twice on the Sabbath : in 
 the morning, at home ; in the afternoon, at Duanei 
 St. on the same subject — ^Ephesians vi. 11. 
 
 L -The Christian's foes. 1. The devil, through 
 wicked designing men, and our own corrupt hearts 
 working in a thousand different ways to beguile 
 the soul, to deceive and destroy it. 2. False re- 
 ligion, infidelity, formality, etc. 
 
 IT. The weapons with which these foes are to 
 be combated. As we do not make war against 
 flesh and blood — ^i. e., physical war, to destroy 
 men's lives for earthly conquests, we must have 
 other than carnal weapons; we must have the 
 
238 JOURNAL. 
 
 armor of God. Our war being a spiritual one, 
 against Satan and sin, we must arm ourselves 
 with spiritual weapons. The Apostle gives a de- 
 scription of this armor. 1. The girdle must be 
 Truth, God's own Truth; or sincerity, in opposi- 
 tion to vi^orldly ambition and hyprocrisy. 2. The 
 breastplate must be Righteousness, purity of heart ; 
 comprehending justification and eanctification — a 
 vital principle of godliness in the heart. ^Nothing 
 BO effectually meets and silences the cavils of in- 
 fidel men, as a clear, heartfelt experience of the 
 pardoning love of God, and of the witness of the 
 Spirit that we are born o^ God. 3. Our shoes must 
 be the Gospel of peace ; a readiness to do and suffer 
 all the will of God, under all circumstances. 4. 
 Our helmet must be the Hope of salvation. Hope 
 in God "cheers us in the darkest hour of trial and 
 peril. He has been with us, and He will be with 
 us still ; through grace we shall overcome all, and 
 triumph at last, and obtain eternal life. 5. Our 
 shield must be Faith, a steady confidence in God, in 
 Christ, in the Holy Ghost. 6. Our sword must be 
 the "Word of God. This is the Spirit's sword ; its 
 two edges are thunderings and promises. It is 
 sharp, doing execution both upon the understand- 
 ing and the conscience. It beats down all false 
 doctrines, and false religion, defends and supports 
 the truth; it never fails. 7. We must add to 
 these, constant prayer — all kinds of prayer, with 
 supplication, watchfulness and perseverance unto 
 the end; God of love, arm me with the whole of 
 this armor! 
 
1843—1844. 239 
 
 My strength will not endure all things ; I have 
 to use some relaxation ; but all I have belongs to 
 the Church, and I wish to give my life to the cause 
 cif God and of souls. 
 
 Monday, October 30. — Yesterday was a day of 
 comparative rest, having been assisted by the Pre- 
 siding Elder. I preached from Matt. xxiv. 14. 
 " And this Gospel of the kingdom shall be preach- 
 ed in all the world, for a witness unto all nations, 
 and then sTiall the end come." The disciples had 
 asked our Lord two questions, relating to two 
 different and future events, (verse 3.) The one 
 related to the destruction of the Temple, the other 
 to the end of the world. These two questions 
 must be distinctly borne in mind, in order to a 
 correct understanding of this important and inter- 
 esting portion of the Sacred Writings; for our 
 Lord in His reply answers both. He replies to the 
 latter question, from the fourth to the fourteenth 
 verse — ^then, at the thirty-sixth verse commences a 
 continuation of His reply to the question relating 
 to the end of the world. 'Sow, before that event 
 can take place, the Gospel of the kingdom must be 
 preached in the world. This phrase must be taken 
 in its largest sense, as embracing all the nations of 
 the earth. Yet of the time of the end — the day or 
 the hour, knoweth no man, no, not the angels of 
 heaven. But this is certain ; that awful event can- 
 not come until this Gospel is preached in all the 
 world. As it has not yet been so preached, the end 
 cannot be near. Notice again : before the destruc- 
 
240 JOURNAL. 
 
 tioii of tlie Teniplu there arc signs Pi)okcji of, l)y 
 whicli tlie event miglit bo as well known as that 
 summer was nigh when the fig-trees begin to put 
 forth their leaves. But as to the end of the world 
 there will be no visible signs nor wonders. Every 
 thing will go on as usual ; marrying, eating, drink- 
 ing, working; and the day will burst upon tlie world 
 as the flood did upon the Antediluvians. There- 
 fore watch ; be always ready. Never fix the time, 
 bat always be expecting it. This is all we have to 
 do with the end of. the world. 
 
 The great noise which has been heard, and the 
 great stit which has been made of late about the 
 end of the world, has been a grand device of the 
 devil to distract the minds of men, and call them 
 ofl' from the one thing needful. The effect is evil 
 and can be only evil. Men's minds Will be unhinged, 
 their confidence in the Holy Scriptures shaken, and 
 infidelity will take the place of Christian faith. 
 
 Is it expedient to read sermons to our people, or 
 to use briefs or sketches in the desk? This is a 
 question of some interest at this time. I fear the 
 custom is becoming common. "When men need 
 crutches, it is a sure sign they are grovting old or 
 infirm. When men put on spectacles, it is gener- 
 ally believed their sight is failing. So, when minis- 
 ters need these helps, it is to be feared that the 
 inspiration of the Almighty is wanting. For a 
 man full of the Holy Ghost, whom God has sent 
 to preach Christ Jesus and Him crucified, needs 
 none of these crutches to help him; and without 
 
1843—1844. 241 
 
 tlio inspiration of the Spii-it. with all his notes, ho 
 will never convert sinners from the error ot their 
 ways. The Methodist churcli is now inclined to 
 run into forms, while other churches are j-ust 
 emerging li-om them. God will have a people. If 
 one people till I away from the purity and simplic- 
 ity ol the Gospel, He will raise up another. Na'hies 
 are nothing to Him, nor will former usefulness, nor 
 present greatness weigh with Him. Look at the 
 •lews and their Temple. God left them because 
 they firgt left Him. So will it he with us ; if we 
 k-avc Him, He will leave us. 
 
 DoccmbcT \. — ^Preached last evening from James 
 i. 5, 6. After opening the subject, remarked that 
 three things were embraced in "asldng in faith." 
 1. A steady consciousness of our sinfulness, de- 
 pendence and unworthiness. Receiving does not 
 diminish oiir unworthiness. 2. A steadfast ac- 
 knowledgement of Jesus Christ as the sinner's 
 Friend, Brother, Advocate, Saviour — Jesus cruci- 
 tied. We need every moment His atonement, and 
 it is only through Him that God will he gracious to, 
 us, or that we can receive anything from God. 3.! 
 A finn and steadfast confidence that God will 
 bestow upon us, though sinners, all tliat we need 
 — salvation. 
 
 Api)lication. — ^AVe luust not waver from these 
 points, but hold them fast as cardinal in all oar 
 prayers; and God will give liberally, without up- 
 braiding us with tlie past. 0, there is great com- 
 fort in this! It gives hope to desponding minds! 
 
242 JOURNAt. 
 
 How precious Jesus becomes ! lie is all in all to 
 the souls thus believing. 
 
 I rejoiced to see how the brethren received the 
 word of the Lord. God will speedily revive His 
 work in answer to the prayer of such faith. We 
 are looking with confidence for the outpouring of 
 His Holy Spirit. May He quickly send it down 
 upon us for Jesus' sake ! 
 
 Sunday, December 17. — ^A disappointment to-day 
 on account of the illness of Dr. Olin, and I had to 
 take his place. The Lord graciously assisted me 
 while I spoke from 1 Peter i. 34. 1. The ground 
 of our hope, viz., the Resurrection of the Lord 
 Jesus Christ. 2. Who have this lively hope? 
 Those who are begotten again, and are the chil- 
 dren of God by adoption and grace. 3. The object 
 of their hope — an inheritance, reserved in heaven 
 for you. Its nature-^incorruptible, undefiled, and 
 that fadeth not away. 4. All this is matter of 
 thanksgiving to God for His abundant mercy. 
 
 Sunday, 24. — Preached from Galatians iv. 4, 5 
 My plan was as follows: I. The time when God 
 sent His Son. 1. It was the fullness of time. It 
 had been long ago appointed by the Father, fore 
 told by the Prophets, and was foreshadowed by 
 types and figures under the Law. All the dispen- 
 sations of His Providence had been preparing the 
 wa^ from the flood — the economy of Moses which 
 pointed to it, was to end with it. 
 
 n. The wisdom and goodness of God as seen in 
 appointing this as the time. 1. At any former 
 
1843—1844. 243 
 
 period, the event might have transpired in some 
 one nation or kingdom, and been little regarded 
 by others, as there was very little intercourse be- 
 tween remote parts of the earth. But at this time 
 the Romans had become masters of the world, 
 having extended their empire from the Pillars- of 
 Hercules in the West, to the River Euphrates in 
 the East, and held friendly relations by treaties 
 with those nations not actually conquered by their 
 arms. Hence, an event of this nature, taking 
 place in the very centre of the world, and under 
 the authority of the Romans themselves, would 
 be likely to spread with rapidity to all parts of the 
 earth. The Romans, at that time, were partial to 
 the Jews, and granted them special favors : hence 
 they were widely spread over every province of 
 the Empire. On the day of Pentecost they were 
 present at Jerusalem to witness and enjoy the out- 
 pouring of the Holy Ghost ; and thus, when they 
 returned home, they spread the glad tidings as it 
 never could have been spread at any former time. 
 2. Again, Alexander, some two hundred years 
 before, had conquered all the East, as far as the 
 River Ganges, and the Greek language became 
 the language of the subjugated nations. The 
 Jewish Scriptures were translated into that tongue, 
 and when Rome conquered Greece with her arms, 
 Greece coiiquered Rome with her literature, so 
 that the same language was spoken all over the 
 world. 3. But again, God had permitted man to 
 c-xcrt his own powers to their utmost extent to 
 
244 JOUBNM,. 
 
 liTid out a remedy for moral evil. They had car- 
 ried Art, SGience, and Literature to their utmost 
 perfection, and yet had made no improvement in 
 Religion. The learned Greeks and Romans were 
 as gross idolaters as their barbarian neighbors; 
 jhence, all felt the need of some help not yet dis- 
 covered by Philosophy — that help was the Son of 
 God. 
 
 in. The circumstances of the coming of the 
 Son of God. 1. Made under the Law — the Jewish 
 Law — that He might fulfill all its rites; that in 
 Him, as the Archetype, they might come to an 
 end. The Moral Law, that He might fulfill all its 
 requirements, magnify it, and bear its penalty for 
 guilty man. 2. Made of a woman, according to 
 promise and prediction. Made, or born by the 
 power of the IJoly Ghost, that He might be pure 
 and without sin, and thus be a suitable-Sacrifice 
 for sin. 
 
 IV. The end to be effected by His coming, or 
 His purpose in coming. That He might redeem- 
 them that were under the Law, and that we 
 might receive the adoption of sons. 
 
1844-1H'>. 
 
 The Past Year.— "Why is this?"— The Nature and Causes of 
 Backsliding. — Three Texts from Isaiah. — His only Son called 
 to preach. — " One Soul for each Sermon." — -"The Son preaches in 
 his Father's church. — The Eesurrection, a Delightful Theme. — 
 Conference of 1844, in Brooklyn, N. Y. — Appointed to the Second 
 Church, New Haven. — His New Charge. — An Eventful Age. — 
 Christianity and Infidelity contrasted. — A Day of Labor. — Millen- 
 nium, Mormonism and Politics. — An Estimate of Mr. Wesley — 
 Nine Sermons a Week. — " The World is yet standing." — The 
 Beginning of a Bevival.— An Effort to build a New Church. — A 
 Beligious Dearth. — A Discourse in behalf of the New Haven 
 Orphan Asylum. — Dedication of St. John St. Church, by Dr. Olin 
 and Bishop Janes. — New Church crowded. — Triumphant Death of 
 Bev. Stephen Beekman Bangs. — " How hard to persuade men to 
 go to Heaven." — Birth-Day Reflections. — Conference of 1846, in 
 New York City. — Supernumerary at St. John Street Church. — 
 Decrease of Members in the M. K Church. 
 
 ANTJARY 1. — A new year has opened up- 
 upon UB. Last night our Watch-night ser- 
 vices were solemn and interesting. I had 
 no preacher to help me, and so I preached twice 
 during the exercises of the evening. This morn- 
 ing I preaiched at eleven o'clock. The Lord was 
 pleased to comfort us with His presence, and it 
 was ti powerful season ; the people shouted for joy. 
 The world is full of changes. Many have been 
 bom, many have died; many have been joyful on 
 their wedding-day, and many have wept for the 
 loss of the loved. Some have been converted, some 
 have backslidden; some have held steadily on their 
 Christian course, some have vacillated hither and 
 
246 JOURNAL. 
 
 thitlier. Many blessings have been received, and 
 many sins have been committed. Some who were 
 poor have become rich ; some who were rich feel 
 the griping hand of want. Time has gone with its 
 account to the other world. 0, what a history will 
 the Judgment unfold ! Every moment records its 
 evil, or its good. ' 
 
 God ! blot out, by the precious blood of Jesus 
 Christ sprinkled upon my heart, the follies, the im- 
 perfections, the sins of the past year ; and sanctify 
 my soul and body by Thy Holy Spirit, that I may, 
 during the following year, be enabled to live to Thy 
 glory. Prepare me to labor apd to be useful. Let 
 me neither say nor do anything that shall hinder 
 my growth in grace, nor my usefulness to .others. 
 Should I be called to my account, prepare me to 
 meet my Judge. My only hope is in Thy mercy ; 
 my only plea is that Jesus died for me. 
 
 February 7. — Have labored long, and have seen 
 very little fruit. "Why is this? At some places, 
 with very little effort, wonderful things are effected 
 — hundreds are converted. At other places, great 
 exertions are made, and no fruit appears. Does 
 God intend to teach us His own perfect independ- 
 ence, and our unwprthiness ; or does He try our 
 patience and fidelity ? Our own, or some other 
 person's sins may be the hindering cause. What- 
 ever the cause, such is the fact. If in us, may 
 we be humbled and repent ! Still, my trust is in 
 the Lord ; fruit, or no fruit, however discouraging 
 everything may appear, through His grace I pro- 
 
1844—1847. 247 
 
 pose to labor on; preaching, praying, visiting, 
 talking — all that God requires of nae I desire to 
 perform. 
 
 February 11. — ^Preached in the morning from 
 Jeremiah iii. 22. I distinguished between back- 
 sliding and apostacy. Backsliding, is turning from 
 the practice of religion — apostacy, is turning from 
 the faith of Christ. Backsliding may be partial — 
 of the heart, only ; or it may be total, giving up 
 entirely religious duties : yet such a man may hold 
 fast the faith, though it condemns himself. An 
 apostate throws off all religious obligations, abjures 
 Christ and the Bible, and makes religion a fable 
 and a delusion. 
 
 ITow the text is not addressed to the latter, but 
 to the former ; and we shall first speak of back- 
 sliding, its nature and cause. It may be of the 
 heart, when we lose the life of God out of the soul. 
 It may be of the life, when we throw off attention 
 to religious duties in part, or in whole. The for- 
 mer precedes and leads to the latter. It is gradual. 
 A man never falls from a high state of religious 
 enjoyment to the commission of crime at once. It 
 is by little and little, like 5eter and David. To 
 understand how we fall, we should- carefully con- 
 sider how we are kept; and St. Peter shows us this. 
 "Ye are kept," says he, "by the power of God 
 through faith unto salvation." The power of God 
 keeps us ; but it is only while we believe that this 
 power is exercised for our defence and preservation. 
 Now, as faith is kept in lively exercise by obedi- 
 
248 JOURNAL, 
 
 ence; if we neglect any of our duties, faith is 
 weakened, and we lose told of the power of God, 
 and slide back. 
 
 We are constantly surrounded by evil influences. 
 We live in a world of sin, and among a world of 
 sinners. Our own hearts are constantly prone to 
 evil, while the devil is a busy enemy. Constant 
 vigilance and effort are required to stem this tor- 
 rent; we need to pray without ceasing: every 
 moment we must be working out our salvation 
 with fear and trembling- l^ow, should we slacken 
 for a moment, or grow remiss ; should we neglect 
 secret prayer, or be less fervent in it; should we 
 neglect the Word of God and the ordinances of 
 Gt>d's house, family prayer, social prayer ; should 
 we indulge in trifling company or conversation; 
 should we permit our business, however lawful, to 
 call us off from our religious duties, or allow world- 
 ly-mindedness to creep into our hearts; we shall be 
 carried away by these influences; we shall go back, 
 not by an effort, but by necessity — ^by the natural 
 current of unholy influences. 
 
 What danger! The world seems now to be 
 striving to suit its diversions, so as not to offend 
 religious sensibilities; to bring its own amusements 
 as near to innocency as possible, whereby many, 
 especially the young, are drawn into its snares. 
 Thus the mind is led away from God, as the only 
 source of enjoyment; the spiritual sight is ob- 
 scured; holiness loses its loveliness; the feelings 
 are corrupted; prayer becomes formal and less fre- 
 
1844—1847. 249 
 
 quent, and if alarm is not at once taKen, away goes 
 the man from religious enjoyment and from com- 
 munion with God. The spirit of love and holiness 
 is grieved, and left to his own strength he is like 
 any other man. Samson, shorn of his locks, falls 
 into the lap of Delilah — ^the world glitters, pleases, 
 charms, triumphs ! 
 
 II. This state, bad as it is, (and it is bad enough) 
 is not hopeless. God says return. 0, precrous 
 words ! Examine and see how it is with you, my 
 dear friends, and if you have backslidden, return. 
 But how ? First, remember from what you have 
 fallen. What were you once ? "What are you now ? 
 Draw the awful contrast! What next? Why, 
 repent, be humble before God; confess your folly; 
 do your first works ; come to God through Christ 
 as a poor sinner, wretched, miserable, forsaken, 
 helpless, condemned ; call upon the Lord, and cast 
 yourself wholly upon His mercy. 
 
 m. The encouragement. " I will heal thy back- 
 slidings." Wounded, bruised, fallen as thou art, 
 if you return. He, the Lord, will pour in the balm 
 of His forgiveness and heal thy soul. 
 
 rV. The response. " Behold we come unto 
 Thee !" Is it even so with you to-day ? Hallelujah ! 
 thou art saved. The arms of thy Father are open 
 to receive thee, prodigal as thou art! Will He 
 cast thee off? WiU He thrust thee from His em- 
 brace? No, no, he cannot. O, backsliding chil- 
 dren, come home ! Tarry not ! fly to thy Father's 
 arms now open to receive thee. 
 
250 JOUBNAI.. 
 
 V. See what a reason you have to give for your 
 return!— "For Thou art the Lord our God" 
 Thou hast a right to ray heart, ray life. I have 
 done wrong, I will do so no raore. 
 
 God raade this sermon a blessing to many. To 
 His Name he the praise ! 
 
 February 18. — The past has been a good week, 
 yet not much visible fruit To-day, J endeavored 
 to discharge my duty — ^preached three tiraes, and 
 held prayer-meeting in the evening. What is 
 rather singular, I preached, from three different 
 tejcts, all in the Book of Isaiah. In the morning 
 from Isaiah Ixii. 1. The future enlargement and 
 prosperity of the Church determined upon, and 
 the means to accomplish it. In the afternoon, 
 from Isaiah liv. 17. The promise of protection 
 and preservation of the servants of God, notwith- 
 standing the efforts of their enemies to destroy 
 them — their final triumph and reward. In the 
 evening, from Isaiah Iv. 1. The invited — all that 
 thirst. To what invited — ^buy water, milk, wine. 
 Water to cleanse, milk to nourish, wine to cheer- 
 God owned His word, and IBs power was evident- 
 ly present. To His Name be the praise ! 
 
 My son, ray only living son, has announced to 
 me his conviction of duty to preach the Gospel. 
 To-morrow evening he makes his first attempt. 
 I feel for him, but if God has called him He will 
 help him. I do not approve of a young man'a 
 entering the ministry as a business matter: it 
 should be done from a conviction of a call from 
 
1844—1847. 251 
 
 the Lord Jesus Christ, the great Head of the 
 Church, "Who alone has the right to select His own 
 messengers to the churehes. If He demands my 
 only son, I freely give him up to the work, and 
 devojitly pray that he may be instrumental in 
 saving souls from death, From the above convic- 
 tion alone, I entered the ministry; and God has 
 been pleased to own and bless my feeble, but sin- 
 cere efforts, for now about thirty years. Yet this 
 is not my source of joy and hope; but the fact 
 that Jesus died for me, and that I am His adopted 
 child. 
 
 February 23.— Last evening I had a great trial 
 of mind. My son, who had expressed his convic- 
 tion that he was called to preach, and whp had an 
 appointment to make his first attempt, drew back 
 and informed me, just before the time of commenc- 
 ing service, that he could not preach; the cross 
 was so heavy and his mind so confused. I felt for 
 him, yet blamed his decision, because if Christ 
 had called him, he should have trusted in his 
 Master and taken up the cross : this would have 
 done him -good. I trust the Lord will make my 
 poor boy's way plain before him. If he is called 
 to this great work, I earnestly pray that he may 
 be strengthened to go forward ; if not, I have no 
 desire that he should make the attempt. No man 
 should thrust himself into the Lord's vineyard. 
 
 March 2. — DurinT the past week, besides all the 
 other duties of a pastor^ I have preached Tuesday, 
 Wednesday, Thursday and Friday evenings, on the 
 
252 JOURNAL. 
 
 Parable of the Ten Virgins, and I trust God made 
 tlie discourses a great blessing to many 'souls. 
 Several were converted — to His name be all the 
 praise. 
 
 March 4. — ^Yesterday preached twice. In the 
 morning, used strong language in regard to cov- 
 etousness : some, I fear, were offended. The Lord 
 knows my heart : to Him- 1 must give account. 
 
 In the afternoon, baptized eight children. The 
 evening prayer-meeting after sermon was most 
 profitable. 
 
 March 8. — Three sermons this week on the Par- 
 able of the Talents — one soul for each sermon. 
 Last night, a man and his wife both found the 
 Lord side by side at the altar. I rejoiced with 
 them — so did the angels of God. To-night, I must 
 preach again on the same Parable ; may the Lord 
 help me ! 
 
 March 24.— This day, my dear son, my only son, 
 preached in the afternoon to a crowded house. 
 This is his fourth attempt. I did not hear him, 
 but those who did, said he was much assisted by 
 the Holy Spirit. Well, if God has called him to 
 the work of the ministry, I freely yield him to His 
 service. He has promising talents, and I have 
 done my best to give him a good education. May 
 he consecrate his learning and all his powers to his 
 God and Saviour ! God be praised for His good- 
 ness to me and mine ! 
 
 April 11. — God is good. For some time past 
 He has given me unusually good health, yet labor 
 
1844—1847. 253 
 
 makes me weary. On Sunday I preached morning 
 and afternoon on the Resurrection of my hlessed 
 Lord. A delightful subject. I do not know that I 
 preach on any one subject with more satisfaction.. 
 It is such a manifest proof of the Divinity of His 
 character, and the truth of Christianity. My own 
 faith was greatly strengthened, and I trust the peo- 
 ple were benefited. 
 
 Death has made sad inroads upon our numbers 
 — ^thirteen members of Torsyth St. Church have 
 died since last Conference. 
 
 Our Conference commenced its session in the 
 City of Brooklyn, and closed on Tuesday, June 25th, 
 after a pleasant session of twelve days. I received 
 my appointment to Wew Haven, Conn., at the 
 Second Church. I make it a point of duty to he at 
 my work as soon as practicable, but I have had 
 many things to attend to, and was a whole week 
 getting ofi". The marriage of my second daughter, 
 and her departure for the South, and the entrance 
 of my son into the work of the ministry, have made 
 a sad inroad into our happy family circle. May 
 the Lord be with us each, in our widely separated 
 fields of labor ! . 
 
 July 3. — Have reached ISTew Haven. I find here 
 a small, feeble society, who have been struggling 
 for life for three years past. There are eighty 
 names on the books, mostly poor people. Not 
 much chance for a support, but if the Lord gives 
 His blessing we shall prosper — if not, we die. 
 
 One thing I am sure of— I need more religion. 
 
'254 JOURNAL. 
 
 I am ashamed when I look back on my past life. 
 What cause for humility and mourning! I desire 
 to feel that Jesus Christ is all and in all; that His 
 blood cleanses me from all sin. I desire to be filled 
 with holy love to God and man. "What is a min- 
 ister without this ? — " a sounding brass and a tink- 
 ling cymbal." 
 
 July 24. — ^I have now preached six sermons to 
 my new flock. The congregation increases, our 
 little house is full in the afternoon ; but I do not 
 know. of one sinner being awakened. Christians, 
 I think, have been quickened and encouraged, and 
 my own soul has been much humbted and melted. 
 0, that the Lord would make bare His arm ! "Work 
 in me, for me, by me, if it please Thy holy Name ! 
 
 July 26. — We live in an eventful age. I^ever 
 before did the light of evangelical truth shine forth 
 more clearly. Never before were the civil rights 
 of men more fully understood and acknowledged. 
 Never before was there so general a disposition 
 among the nations of the earth for peace, and so 
 general dread of war and bloodshed. Never before 
 did men so universally enjoy the high privilege of 
 worshiping God according to the dictates of their 
 own consciences. Never before did education 
 among the masses so generally prevail. Never 
 before were the Arts brought to so high perfection. 
 
 "What has wrought so wonderful a change? 
 "What is the grand agent employed in the accom- 
 plishment of so much good to man ? Science has 
 had its day, but did not do this. Philosophy has 
 
1844—1847. 255 
 
 tried its power, but did not shed this light upon 
 the world. Infidelity has exerted its sway over 
 the heart and mind, but these were not its results. 
 Where, then, shall we look for the cause ? Ex- 
 amine the rise and progress of the great benevolent 
 associations of the age — ^the Bible Societies, the 
 Missionary and Tract Societies, the Sunday School 
 and Temperance Societies, and you will find the 
 agent in the hand of the God of mercy, which 
 has accomplished all this — ^the Gospel of God our 
 Saviour. This, and this only, is pure, unmixed 
 good-will to men. Let this spread everywhere, let 
 its doctrines be believed, its privileges embraced, 
 its power enjoyed, its precepts obeyed, and the 
 world will be filled with light and love. Tyranny 
 must cease, hatred between man and man must 
 come to an end, the masses must rise ; universal 
 education must follow. May the Lord hasten the 
 day! 
 
 None of the champions of infidelity could look 
 calmly to their principles to support or comfort 
 them in that awful hour when soul and body must 
 part. Voltaire endured horrors never to be ex- 
 pressed — though his associates have endeavored to 
 conceal the fact, the evidence is too strong to be 
 refuted. The last hours of D'Alembert were like 
 those of Voltaire. Hume died like a bufibon, not 
 like a philosopher. Gibbon and Diderot sought 
 trifling amusements to kwop away gloomy thoughts 
 of death. 
 
 Not so the true Christian. Not so St. Paul, 
 
256 JOUENAL. 
 
 Peter, and John. Wot so Luther, "Wesley, Fletcher, 
 Asbury and McKendree. They could look at 
 death not only with calmness, but with holy 
 triumph : and through death to the land of eternal 
 life. What then do we lose by being Christians ? 
 Yea, what do we not gain ? 
 
 "What good have all the labors of infidels done 
 for manldnd ? They have added nothing to their 
 happiness here, and they have taken away all hope 
 of happiness hereafter. "What a curse, then, have 
 they been to the world ! "What an account must 
 they render to God for the shameful abuse of their 
 great powers of mind, and stores of knowledge ! 
 
 Should Christianity prove untrue, and infidelity 
 a verity, what do we lose by believing it? Should 
 death prove an eternal sleep, what do we lose by 
 believing in a Resurrection, and in the Immortali- 
 ty of the soul ? The Christian's hope, even should 
 it prove in the end to be unfounded, gives to its 
 possessor now, great joy and comfort: it is a sup- 
 port under trouble and afilictions, and lights up the 
 dark valley and shadow of death. A man with 
 this hope in his bosom will shun every vice, and 
 practice every virtue. How much better, then, is 
 it for morals and society, than a cold, lieartlcss 
 philosophy which makes no distinction between 
 vii'tue and vice in this life, and gives no hope of 
 a future state of rewards and punishment in the 
 Avorld to come. Those who so loudly denounce 
 the Christion religion, and demand that wc aban- 
 don it, should give us something bettei in its 
 yilace. 
 
1844—1847. 25? 
 
 But blessed be God, it is no delusion, but a real 
 ity — a noble and enobling truth. "We have felt its 
 power, tested its virtu©, and have the earnest of 
 Heaven in our hearts. The uneasiness of the 
 infidel mind shows the necessity of religion : the 
 calmness of the Christian mind shows its reality. 
 Did ever an infidel rejoice in the testimony of a 
 good conscience on a death-bed ? Here the two 
 systems are put to a practical test, 
 
 August 5. — ^Yesterday was a day of labor — ^three 
 sermons and the sacrament. My bones com- 
 plained BO that I slept but little during the night. 
 But I love the Sabbath; it is a great cross to 
 preach, and yet I love it, because I believe God 
 has made it my duty. 
 
 God has His own way, and chooses His own 
 instruments for the carrying forward of His own 
 work — has He not a right thus to do, and who 
 shall say — ^what doest Thou ? , 
 
 October 3. — There are some intimations that 
 God is reviving His work ; but the minds of men 
 are so much agitated with new and strange notions 
 — Millerism, Mormonism and Politics, that it 
 seems difficult to fix them on an old, pure and 
 scriptural foundation. God only can save from 
 delusion. 0, that He would arise and maintain 
 His truth ! 
 
 My desire is to be wholly His, and to be useful 
 to the people. We have a small membership, a 
 small place in which to worship; a small congrega- 
 tion — and shall have, until we are able to build a 
 
258 JOURNAL. 
 
 church. But where shall we obtain the means? 
 The gold and silver are the Lord's. Who knows 
 but He will open the hearts and hands of men to 
 help us ! "We cry to Thee Lord ! 
 
 October 5. — Finished the second volume of Mr. 
 Wesley's Journal. I have read, these Journals 
 several times, and always find them interesting. 
 What a wonderful man ! Probably no man, not 
 St. Paul himself, ever traveled and pi*6ached as 
 did John Wesley. He never falters — snow, rain, 
 thunder, lightning, cold, heat, or darkness never 
 stop him in his work. One thing has surprised 
 me: that, in such an old country as England, there 
 should have been so few good .roads at that time. 
 How often was Mr. Wesley compelled to employ 
 guides, and how often he missed his way. One 
 would have supposed that in twenty years' con- 
 stant travel, he would have known every mile of 
 that little Island. There is another wonder; that in 
 many of the English churches, under the preach- 
 ing of the regular clergy, there^hould be such a 
 wonderful work of God, attended with so much 
 noise and outward signs of confusion — fallingj 
 groaning and shouting. Witness the Rev. Mr. 
 Berridge, Rev. Mr. Hicks, and others. What 
 would our Protestant .Episcopal brethren of this 
 day think and say, if such scenes should take place 
 in any of their churches? It has sometimes.oc- 
 curred among the Methodists, and by other sects 
 has been considered mere enthusiasm. God has 
 His own way of working, and He delights to con- 
 
1844-^1847. 25Q 
 
 found the vdsdom of the wise, anJ humble the 
 proud heart of sinful man. We should be exceed- 
 ingly careful how we attempt to steady the Ark of 
 the Lord of Hosts. He is confined to no particular 
 mode of working — sometimes He comes in thun- 
 der, sometimes in a still, small voice. Should we 
 not say — any way. Lord, so that souls are saved 
 from sin and hell. 
 
 October T.^Yesterday, pi'eaehed three times, ad- 
 ministered the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, 
 and held prayer-meeting after evening service. 
 Morning and afternoon were seasons of refreshing; 
 but in the evening I was hoarse, and felt dull 
 enough. It is well to be humbled and tried. "We 
 should deeply feel/what we really are ; poor, un- 
 worthy sinners, deserving nothing. If, therefore, 
 we receive any blessing we should be thankful, and 
 not complain that we have no more. If we always 
 had fair weather and smooth sailing, we might 
 forget ourselves, and become proud and vain-^^ 
 then comes a fall. 
 
 Eor two Sundays I have preached on 1 Tim. iv. 
 8. After five sermons the subject was not exr 
 hausted. O, if I had more of this religion my- 
 self, I should preach better and do more good. 
 
 October 19. — I have to recount the goodness of 
 my gracious God to a most unworthy and unprofi- 
 table servant. After having preached nine times 
 this week, and delivered several exhortations, I 
 feel as little weary as when I only preach on the 
 Sabbath. I feel quite like taking horse and saddle- 
 bags, and starting for the wilderness. 
 
260 JOURNAL. 
 
 October 24. — ^We have now passed the last time 
 fixed by a fanatical sect called Millerites for the 
 end of the world. The world is yet standing, and 
 the sun is yet shining. But we should be ever 
 watching, for we know not the day nor the hour 
 wherein the Son of Man cometh. Personal holi- 
 ness is the great end to be accomplished : with 
 this, I have nothing to fear, but everything to 
 hope from the coming of Christ, let it be when- 
 ever it may. 
 
 October 28. — Several young men were at the 
 altar for prayers last night^one from Tennessee, a 
 student in the Law-School, whose grandfather is 
 a minister. "We rejoiced greatly at this beginning 
 of a-revival in our little Zion.^, There is evidently 
 a rising of religious feeling in the church and 
 congregation. 
 
 March 23. — We are making an effort to build a 
 house of public worship. We shall need about 
 $12,000, and we have only a hundred members, 
 mostly young and poor. I hope to succeed, though 
 the undertaking is arduous, and falls heavily upon 
 me Nearly $6,000 have been subscribed. To-day, 
 the plans and specifications were finished, and 
 now contracts will be made for building. 0, 
 Lord! the temple is for Thy worship; give, I 
 pray Thee, favor in the eyes of the people, and 
 open their hearts, hands and purses, to help for- 
 ward the work; for without Thee we can do 
 nothing. 
 
 A great religious dearth pervades the whole 
 
1S41— 1847. 2C1 
 
 length and breadth of the land. Why is it? I 
 think the Spirit has been, and is now, continually 
 grieved by the Church — ^its discords, its worldly- 
 mindeduess, its pride, and vanity. There must be 
 humiliation, confession, sorrow and repentance — 
 a thorough reformation. The ministry is as much 
 to blame as any other class, and more so. When 
 did any great departure from the faith and truth 
 ever take place but through the ministry? 0, 
 Lord, help me to be 'up'and out of the way of 
 sinners. 
 
 " Be ye, therefore, followers of God, as dear 
 children." Ephesians v. 1. This exhortation is 
 addressed to Christians — to the believers at Ephe- 
 Bus, and as much to us as to them. To follow, in 
 the sense of St. Paul here, is to imitate. Be ye 
 imitators of God. Be like Him. "We are sup- 
 posed to have received a new birth, and been 
 made thereby partakers of the Divine nature: 
 therefore are new creatures in Christ Jesus^the 
 children of God, through faith. As children bear a 
 "resemblance to their parents, so we are supposed 
 to bear some faint resemblance to our Father 
 in Heaven ; and as it is natural for children 
 to imitate their parents, so we are to imitate 
 God. But to imitate a person, we must know him. 
 God ia a spirit; how can we know Him? No 
 man has seen God at any time. *' He dwells in 
 light which no man can approach:" how, then, can 
 we know Him ? I answer, through Jesus Christ, 
 the only begotton Son, who is in the bosona pf the 
 
2G'2 JOUKNAL. 
 
 Father; He hath revealed Him. Jesus Christ is 
 God manifest in the flesh. We may see God in 
 the face or person of Jesus Christ. He is the 
 brightness of His glory, the express image of Hia 
 person. 
 
 The moral perfections of God, with His mind 
 and will concerning man, may be known through 
 Jesus Christ. His Spirit is the Spirit of God. His 
 words are the words of God. His example is the 
 example of God. Would we know, therefore, 
 what God requires us to be, and to do, we must 
 learn them of Jesus. "When St. Paul, then, exhorts 
 Christiana 'to be followers of God, his meaning is, 
 that we should imitate the Lord Jesus Christ. 
 
 It may be said that Christ came into the world 
 to save sinners — to die for the world. True, He 
 came iiito the world to be the Saviour of men — to 
 taste death for every man; but this was not all. 
 He also came into the world and lived among 
 men, that His children, saved by His grace, might 
 have continually before their eyes a perfect ex- 
 ample — a living pattern by which to govern their 
 conduct and lives — that they might become " the 
 light of the world;" a "city set upon a hill, that 
 cannot be hid ;" and thus' guide men to God and 
 Heaven. 
 
 There are, indeed, many things in the life and 
 sayings of Christ that are not to be followed by us. 
 For instance. He performed miany stupendous 
 miracles. These were in confirmation of His 
 licavcnly mission, His credentials from God that 
 
1844—1847. 263 
 
 He was the true Messiah. He reproved men, as 
 one who knew their thoughts and hearts. " He 
 suffered the just for the unjust, that He might 
 bring us to God." We cannot follow Him in 
 these things. But there are many ways in which 
 we must imitate Hira, if we would be His consis- 
 tent followers. To these I invite your attention : 
 
 I. His Spirit. 
 
 n. His Obedience. 
 
 HI. His Active Benevolence. 
 
 L First, then, we are called upon to imitate the 
 Spirit of Christ, " Let this mind," says St. Paul, 
 "be in you which was also in Christ Jesus." 
 Jesus himself says : " Learn of me, for I am meek 
 and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest to your 
 souls." 
 
 Let us notice two or three things in the Spirit 
 of Christ which we should follow. 1. His Meek- 
 ness. Religion does not destroy temper and pas- 
 sion, but sanctifies them, assigns them their true 
 place, and directs them to proper objects. God 
 may be angry at sin, yet he loves the sinner. In 
 this sense, we are "to be angry and sin not." 
 " Jesus looked around upon them in anger, being 
 grieved at the hardness of their hearts." Meekness 
 18 directly opposed to malignity and revenge. It 
 leads to forbearance and forgiveness. It i-enders its 
 possessor easy of access, like his Divine Master. If 
 he is persecuted, he threatens not ; being slandered 
 and abused, he patiently bears the calumny.' It gives 
 a man warm sympathy for others' want and mis- 
 
264 JOUKNAt. 
 
 ery. It guards Mm against judging others rasWy» 
 It is not easily provoked. "The meek shall in- 
 herit the earth." The man who holds his passions 
 in an equal balance will seldom quarrel with his fel- 
 lowmen. It can never sanction dueling. Were all 
 men like Christ in this respect, it would turn our 
 wicked, warring, disputing world into a paradise. 
 
 2. His Humility. He was lowly-r-He humbled 
 Himself. But what is humility? It does not 
 consist in one's supposing himself worse or more 
 unworthy than other persons — meaner than others 
 — less knowing. Nor does it consist in voluntary 
 poverty or garments of rags — or in dress at all. A 
 man may be as proud as Lucifer, and as poor as a 
 street-beggar. A proud heart may be carried under 
 a very plain exterior. 
 
 Humility, I apprehend, is a just and proper 
 estimate of one's self. " We should not think of 
 ourselves more highly than we ought to think," 
 but Soberly or justly. A man may know the 
 estimate in which he is held in the community where 
 he lives. He may know that he possesses more 
 knowledge, more property, more influence, more 
 real worth than some others ; he may know that 
 God loves him, and he may speak of all these things, 
 and yet be an humble man. The Son of Man 
 knew all this of Himself, and yet He was lowly in 
 heart. True humility feels and cheerfully ac- 
 knowledges that all one has, or is, is from above — 
 from God — a free gift from Heaven. He says, 
 therefore, what I am, I am by grace. He has a 
 
1844—1847, 265 
 
 lively sense of his obligations and responsibilities. 
 Hence, the more he has, the more humble he is, 
 the less he thinks of self, and the more he adores 
 the Divine goodness and beneficence. The hum- 
 ble man never envies the man above him, nor des- 
 pises the man below him. He never thinks any 
 creature of God unworthy of his attention. He 
 condescends to perform the meanest offices to 
 alleviate the woes and miseries of others. He does 
 good according to his ability, and thinks nothing 
 done, while anything remains to be done. Has he' 
 wealth, or talents, or learning, or piety — he will 
 employ them all in doing good. 
 
 In this temper of mind, then, let us be followers 
 of God as dear children. 
 
 3. Let us imitate the Love of Jesus. How 
 warm, how strong, how universal His love. So 
 should we love, not our friends only, but our 
 enemies — all mankiind. But I pass to notice : 
 
 H. That we are to follow, or imitate Christ in 
 His Obedience. " T came," says Jesus, " not to do 
 mine own will, but ijjie will of Him that sent me." 
 He made the will of His Father the rule and guide 
 of His life. So must Christians. We are not to 
 do our own will, but the will of Him who has 
 called us into the fellowship of the saints. It ill 
 becomes a Christian to set up his own will as a 
 guide; he must consult the will of God. The 
 path in which he is called to walk may be rugged 
 and thorny; it may lead him through trials and 
 hardships — ^but it will be safe. God cannot err. 
 
266 JOURNAL. 
 
 He will choose for us the best way. We are too 
 prone to consult expediency, not duty. "We are 
 too fond of ease, and desire a smooth path. We 
 bow to the opinion of others more readily than to 
 .the will of God. Jesus was "holy, harmless, 
 (Separate from sinners." " Holiness to the Lord" 
 .must be cnir motto. It must be written upon our 
 foreheads, and carried into all we do. To know 
 .the will of God, we must not consult our own 
 impressions or dreams — our own fancies, nor the 
 visions of others. We have a more sure word of 
 prophesy — ^the written word of God. The Bible 
 is the true and perfect Teacher — a Light for our 
 feet, and a Lamp for our path. The Spirit, of God 
 will always agree with the word ; and every spirit 
 which does not agree with this word is not of God. 
 We must bow implicitly to this word. Our will 
 ipaust submit to this ; our judgment must be guided 
 by this. Whatever is here enjoined we must do, 
 and whatever is here forbidden we must leave un- 
 done ; regardless of what;, others may think, or say, 
 or do. In Obedience, then, 1^^ us be followers of 
 God, as dear children. 
 
 III. I wish more especially, at this time, to- 
 direct your attention to the active Benevolence 
 of Christ. When St. Paul would call out the 
 generosity ©f the church at Corinth, he brings 
 before them the example of Christ. " Ye know 
 the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though 
 Pie was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, 
 that ye, through His poverty, might be rich." God 
 
1844—1847. 267 
 
 makes "His sun to shine upon the evil, and the 
 good:" He sends "the rain upon the just and 
 upon the unjust." " Be ye, thei-efore, perfect even 
 as your Father in Heaven is perfect." The spirit 
 of active benevolence is the crowning glory of the 
 Cliristian religion. It is this that exalts it above 
 all other religions. It was this benevolence in the 
 first Christians that so mightily convinced the 
 pagans of its superior excellence. They did good 
 to all men; to their own brethren, to strangers, 
 to their most inveterate enemies; obeying the 
 Scriptural injunction : " While you .have oppor- 
 tunity 'do good unto all men, especially to the 
 household of faith." 
 
 Did any other religion save that of the Bible, 
 erect Hospitale for the sick — Houses for the poor 
 — Asylums for the Deaf and Dumb, the Blind, 
 the Insane — for aged Widows and helpless Or- 
 phans? ]N"ever, no, never! Christianity has this 
 honor alone to herself. Jesus Christ set us the 
 example. "Where was there sickness, disease, 
 death, and misery, and He was not there ? Who 
 ever applied to Him for relief in vain ? " He went 
 about doing good." All day. He spent in teaching 
 and healing the people, regardless of toil, danger, 
 want, and weariness. 
 
 Here, my brethren, is our example. Let us 
 imitate the Lord Jesus in doing good. Were 
 there more of this active benevolence in the Chris- 
 tian church now, how much more would our Chris- 
 tian profeasion inspire the confidence of men, and 
 
268 JOURNAL. 
 
 bring down the blessing of God upon our cburches 
 and our world. "Let' your light so shine before 
 men that they may see your good works, and glo- 
 rify your Father which is in Heaven." 
 
 Do you ask me how we can do good? I answer, 
 there are many ways of doing good. "We are not 
 all called to be ministers of the Gospel. But we 
 are all, as Christians, called to be laborers in the 
 Lord's vineyard. .Should we be poor in this 
 world's goods, and j^et possess the love of God, we 
 can assist and comfort the afflicted by our prayers 
 and pious counsels. God has special regard for 
 the prayers of the pious poor. Have we wealth? 
 God never gave it to us to be hoarded or squan- 
 dered upon unholy lusts; but to be used for- the 
 benefit of mankind. We can help the cause of 
 education, and send tha Gospel to the heathen. "We 
 may dry the orphan's tears, and make the widow's 
 heart sing for joy. We may be eyes to the blind, 
 feet to the lame, ears to the deaf, mouth to the 
 dumb, health to the sick. If it is lawful for a rich 
 man to glory in his wealth, it is on account of the 
 power he possesses for doing good. 
 
 By the distribution of a tract we may reclaim 
 the prodigal, and bring a sinner to repentance: 
 by searching out the poor, neglected children, tak- 
 ing them from the streets and bringing them into 
 the Sabbath School, we may as effectually promote 
 the cause of God, as if we were ministers of the 
 Gospel. Indeed, ministers can do but little good, 
 without the co-operation of the church. K we 
 
1844—1847. 269 
 
 would have it said in the last day, " well done," let 
 us " be followers of God as dear children," in do- 
 ing good in every possible way. 
 
 "What remains, is a practical application of the 
 principle above advocated. The special object of 
 our meeting this evening, is in behalf of the New 
 Haven Asylum for orphans, and destitute children. 
 
 There are two things about this Institution 
 which give it a strong claim upon our sympathies 
 and our support. 
 
 The first is, it is a Ladies' Institution — organized 
 and managed by them, l^o one knows so well 
 how to suffer patiently, or to feel deeply with those 
 that are suffering, as Christian females. "Women, 
 God bless them ! They are generally the first, the 
 most ef&cient, and most successful in the cause of 
 benevolence. They were the last at the Cross, and 
 the first at the Sepulchre. 
 
 They owe much, indeed, to the religion of 
 Christ. It has done much for them. It gives 
 them that elevation in society which they now so 
 justly hold. They ought to love much. 
 
 They have labored for this Institution twelve 
 years. The amount of evil they have prevented, 
 and the amount of good they have already done, 
 eternity alone can reveal.. 
 
 The only thing they ask of you, gentlemen, is 
 your money to help them continue this work of 
 faith, And labor of love. They will -become your 
 almoners, and distribute your donations with pru- 
 dence and in good faith. 
 
270 JOURNAL. 
 
 The other thing which gives this Institution a 
 . strong claim on your sympathies is its object : to 
 clothe, feed and educate orphan and destitute chil- 
 dren. 
 
 Orphans, destitute children! "What magic, 
 words I-r^without father, without mother, with 
 none to care for their bodies or their souls. 
 Thrown upon a cold and heartless world, without 
 any .one to help them buffet its storms, resist its 
 vices, or guide them in paths of virtue and religr 
 ion. This Asylum claims to be unto them a father, 
 a mother, a protector, a guide, an instructor. 
 
 Who that has the ability, can withhold his aid in 
 a cause so noble, so God-like as this? Much more 
 might be said, but I will detain you no longer, for 
 I judge you are anxiously waiting to give these 
 ladies a good collection. I will say no more, lest 
 you should consider it an impeachment of your 
 liberality, A generous man does not like to be 
 pressed too hard on occasions like this. He may 
 say-^I had intended to give twenty dollars, but the 
 speaker has said so much, I will now give but one 
 dollar. 
 
 You shall not have this excuse this evening, for 
 putting up your twenty dollar bills. I only add, 
 God loves the cheerful giver. Be ye, therefore, 
 followers of God as dear children. Amen. 
 
 December 17, — Our new and beautiful church is 
 finished, and was this day 'dedicated to the worship 
 of God by appropriate religious services, conducted 
 by Dr. Olin and Bishop Janes. Under the blessing 
 
, 1844—1847. 271 
 
 of our good and gracious God, we have succeeded 
 beyond our expectations. We are' now building a 
 comfortable parsonage, wbicb will be ready for the 
 next preacher sent from Conference. 
 
 March 1. — ^We have held meetings every night 
 since the first of January. About one hundred 
 and fifty have been added to our number, and the 
 new church has been crowded every Sabbath. God 
 be praised for His goodness. 
 
 M<xpch 21.^God has laid His hand heavily upon 
 us. My dear son Stephen, my only boy; after an 
 illpess of four months, tbis day fell asleep in Jesus. 
 My heart is bruised, almost broken, and yet great- 
 ly comforted. It is the Lord, He has done it, and 
 Holy is His i^ame. 
 
 This was the second year of his ministry; for 
 the year past he had been growing rapidly in grace 
 and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ. The, Lord 
 did not forsake him in his last sickness, but gave 
 him great peace throughout. The last -few houra 
 were the most triumphant I ever Witnessed. His 
 eoul was full of the glory of God, 0, what heav- 
 enly words he uttered : "Wot a cloud, all is well." 
 "I shall go from this bed to a crown." "Is the 
 sun settii)g? mine \s ^\}si rising" Language fails 
 to describe the scene of glory. God was almost 
 seen by mortal eye. He fell asleep sweetly, with- 
 out a sigh or groan. 
 
 How precious did the'religioti-of Jesus appear 
 in that dread hour ! My God ! sanctify this great 
 bereavement to me — to his mothetc-r-his aisterg, 
 f nd may we meet in heaven. 
 
272 JOURNAL. 
 
 He was a youth of great promise — a good son, 
 loving and trustworthy — a fine scholar and an elo- 
 quent preacher. 0, how many hopes are crushed! 
 
 Sleep, my dear son, until the voice of the Son 
 of God shall call thee to arise to immortality and 
 eternal life. Earth looks less than ever — Heaven 
 nearer and dearer. Crowns of glory shine out be- 
 fore the eye of faith, gemmed with stars of light, 
 won by all-conquering faith. 0, for eternal Life ! 
 
 Ajpiil 12. — Preached three times, O, how hard 
 to persuade men to go to Heaven in the way of the 
 Gospel ! Could they have Heaven hereafter, and 
 the world and sin now, then they would willingly 
 go, I suppose. But to give up the world and sin 
 is not so easy ; and most people will risk the loss 
 of Heaven, rather than part with their sins and 
 embrace the Saviour. 
 
 April 15. — My birth-day — ^fifty-six years old. 
 Thirty-one of these years I have been traveling as 
 a pilgrim through the land, endeavoring to win 
 souls to Christ. But how little I have done, com- 
 pared with what might have been accomplished, 
 had I been more zealous and faithful. A sinner 
 saved by grace ! "When I get to Heaven, which I 
 hope to do, no one will shout louder, or with more 
 cause, " "Worthy is the Lamb ! " 
 
 May 14. — Conference met in N'ew York-^nearly 
 three hundred preachers present. Owing to the 
 severe labors and responsibilities of the past two 
 years, together with the affliction which it pleased 
 the Lord to lay upon me, I found my health fail- 
 
1844—1847. 273 
 
 ing, I could not sleep, and my nervous system 
 seemed seriously affected. I felt it to be my duty 
 to aak to be left without an appointment for one 
 year; but a rule of the General Conference made 
 this impracticable, and my friends obtained for me 
 a Supernumerary relation. I was not well pleased 
 wicn this, but concluded to let it stand: so I was 
 returned to the St. John St. church, ITew ITaven, 
 Conn., with a young man as assistant. The object 
 was to give me an opportunity to travel and recruit 
 my health. AVhether I shall do it or not, is yet 
 uncertain. I wish to be in the path of duty, and 
 in some way to be useful. 
 
 Our friends received me back again with great 
 cordiality and affection, and I can but hope the 
 arrangement will prove for the best ; though it is a 
 little mortifying to half break doicn. But one can- 
 not always be young. I have, through grace, 
 labored hard and unceasingly for thirty-one years 
 in the itinerant field. I do not speak boastingly, I 
 have only done what was my duty. 
 
 I have never desired to shun labor, and my will ■ 
 is the same as ever, but I am obliged in some 
 measure to relax my efforts. God grant me grace 
 to be submissive, and not murmur at any of His 
 dispensations. My chief aim now should be to 
 get ready for Heaven. 0, for a pure heart, and a 
 single eye, that the whole body may be full of light ! 
 
 November 18. — The Minutes of the Conferences 
 for 1846, have Jjist come to hand. Thirty-six of 
 our preachers 'have been called from their labors 
 
274 JOURNAL. 
 
 to their reward during the year. But the Minutes 
 present a decease of members which it is painful 
 to notice. Why is this ? It cannot be the want of 
 laborers, for there has been during the year an 
 increase of two hundred and fourteen ministers,' 
 traveling and local. 
 
 Have the preachers labored in vain, and spent 
 their strength for naught ? "What is the cause of 
 80 great decline of religion in the churches, as we 
 have witnessed for some years past? This is a 
 grave question and one of vast importance. That 
 such is the fact, no one, who has carefully reflected 
 upon the subject, can for one moment doubt. 
 
 I^ow, there is never an eftect without some 
 cause. To remove the effect we must ascertain 
 the true cause. It appears to .me that we are not 
 to seek for it in one single thing, but in several 
 combined, which together produce this disastrous 
 result. I hold it as an axiom that, generally, as 
 is the ministry of the Church, so will be the mem.- 
 bership: — " like priest, like people/' "When the 
 ministry are evangelical in their preaching ; deep- 
 ly experienced in the work of God's justifying 
 and sanctifying grace ; holy, zealous and faithful 
 in their own lives ; diligent and persevering in 
 their high calling; when they preach Christ and 
 Him crucified, fully declaring the whole Gospel 
 and nothing but the Gospel j the Gosjjel in its 
 power, freeness and fullness; when they give 
 themselves wholly to this one work of bringing 
 sinners to Christ, and building up believers in 
 
1844—1847. 275 
 
 tteir most holy faith ; when they are filled with 
 the spirit of burning love to'God and man; when 
 they are diligent in their pastoral visitations among 
 their flocks, and in all the private and social duties 
 of religion ; when they prudently and yet faith- 
 fully administer, the discipline of the New Tes- 
 tament — when all these things exist in the minis- 
 try of the Church, then, and then only, may we 
 expect to see the people, as a general thing, spirit- 
 ual, zealous, humble, and devoted to God's ser- 
 vice. For then they will be fed with bread from 
 Heaven, and it will make them strong in the Lord 
 and in the power of His might — then there will 
 be prosperity, and the power of God will be made 
 known in the conversion and sanctifieation of souls. 
 
 iNow then, let us examine the subject by these 
 tests J let us see^ if we have not been drawn away 
 from our calling. Many things, of late, have 
 occurred to distract and disturb the mind; and the 
 ministry, we fear, instead of standing firm, as 
 faithful watchmen upon the walls of Zion, and 
 attending constantly to their own proper work, 
 have been draWn away by the sweeping flood of 
 other and opposing influences. 
 
 Some may have been drawn into the arena 
 of political strife. Some have been so intent on 
 interpreting prophecy to fix the' time of Christ's 
 second advent, or opposing those^ who were thus 
 engaged, that they have lost sight of the ne- 
 cessary preparation to meet Him at His coming. 
 Others have followed Joe. Smith, and lost sight of 
 
276 JOUENAL. 
 
 Christ. Some have been so occupied with the 
 idea of the bodily emancipation of men, as in a 
 great measure to overlook the slavery of sin and 
 the emancipation of souls. Others have been so 
 full of church polity — names, forms of church 
 government, constitutional questions, Church divi- 
 sions, and other controversies about things merely 
 circumstantial, as to forget personal piety, charity, 
 faith, kindness, forbearance, brotherly love and 
 the bond of perfectness. 
 
 Some have preached philosophy in place of the 
 Cross of Christ, and have expected to convert men 
 by argument and reasoning, instead of the power 
 of the Holy Ghost. They have been more intent 
 on making nice sermons, than on arousing the 
 sleeping conscience. Hence some so far forget or 
 ignore the influence of the Holy Spirit, as to ivrite 
 their sermons for fear of misplacing a word : as if 
 the salvation of a soul depended upon a smooth, 
 well-turned sentence ! So they give the people a 
 cold, stale essay, instead of a warm, powerful 
 appeal 'to the heart and consciencfe, direct from 
 the fullness of an overflowing soul. 
 
 Some, to gain knowledge, have neglected social, 
 private and pastoral duties, until they have become 
 cold, formal and uninteresting ; and the poor sheep 
 are starved with their dry, monotonous, wire-spun 
 discourses, with scraps of Greek and Latin, or 
 mndy bubbles of bombastic, high sounding Words. 
 Then come world-mindedness, a fear of future 
 starvation, a distrust of God's care and Providence, 
 
^ 1844—1847. 277 
 
 anxious concern aoout support;' seeking for rich 
 stations and good oircuits, or listening with eager 
 ears for a louder call. Then comes the love of pop- 
 ularity, fear of offending the rich with the plain, 
 blunt truths of God's word ; until these and other 
 carking cares, freeze the soul, and a mere formal 
 duty is performed to fill up the time, or to secure 
 a support. There is no zeal for God, no labor of 
 soul for the salvation of men, no faith that works 
 by love and purifies the heart, no power in preach- 
 ing, and consequently little success; no souls are 
 converted, no sinners saved. In churches thus 
 ministered to you can soon discover empty seats. 
 
 The members soon fall into the same state of 
 lukewarmness. Prayer-meetings are thinly attend- 
 ed, classes are neglected, brotherly love and Chris- 
 tian fellowship are lost, and jealousy, bitterness, 
 and other evil passions are engendered. Pro- 
 bationers not being watched over, are dropped off 
 and lost to the church — perhaps to Heaven. "While 
 we sleep, the devil sows his tares, and they spring 
 up a luxuriant crop that chokes the word. I ask, is 
 it not so? In view of these things, is there not 
 cause for self-examination ? Am I the man ? 
 
 I speak to wise men ; judge ye of what I say. 
 If these things are so, should we not humble our- 
 selves before God? Should we not repent in dust 
 and ashes ? How great and fearful is our respon- 
 sibility ! How many souls have already perislicd 
 through our neglect! What a fearful account 
 awaits the unfaithful minister at the bar of God ! 
 
278 JOURNAL. 
 
 O, brethren ! let us come back to our one holy 
 calling of preaching Christ in spirit and power, 
 and of saving souls from death. Leave other 
 matters to other men, and God will return to us 
 with His blessing and grace ; the Spirit shall again 
 be poured out upon us, upon our ministrations, 
 and upon our people. 
 
 Let us come back to the example of our fathers. 
 Let us study Wesley more closely; imitate his 
 activity, his zeal, his self-sacrifice, his perseverance. 
 Let us remember how the fathers of Methodism 
 in this country traveled, preached, labored, prayed 
 and suffered. They sowed the good seed and 
 went home, to God, and we are now reaping the 
 harvest. O that the mantle of our Elijahs might 
 fall upon our young Elishas. We must, brethren, 
 we must come back to first principles, to primitive 
 preaching, primitive self-sacrifice, primitive ex- 
 perience, primitive labors, primitive discipline, 
 or what will all our learning profit us? We 
 must lose sight of the lesser things — of ease, of 
 wealth, of suffering, of popularity, of vain spec- 
 ulations and vain controversies. If we cannot 
 draw others from the wrong, let us keep our- 
 selves in the right. Let us look only to Jesus 
 Christ, and Him crucified. His blood must be all 
 our plea, the Alpha and Omega of our hearts, our 
 lives, our preaching. Then may we hope for pros ■ 
 perity. It is the power and spirit of religion that 
 we need ; it is this that our people need. 0, for 
 the descent of the Holy Ghost! Amen. 
 
18A.7-185B. 
 
 Fifty-Seven years of Age. — Conference 'in Allen St. Oharoh, 
 N. y. — Appointed to Bridgeport, Conn.— Tribute in a New Haven 
 Paper. — State of things in Bridgeport. — A Sick Family. — A Trip 
 South. — Hard at Work. — Success. — A Silver Pitcher. — Fragment' 
 on Future Punishment. — The General Conference of 1848. — First 
 Session of the New York East Conference.— presiding Elder of 
 New Haven District. — The First Quarter. — Conference of 1850. — 
 A Great Trial of Faith. — " Without Jesus, ' I perish." — Brave 
 Words about Eum-Selling. — ^Third Quarterly Tour. — Sixty-One 
 Years of Age. — Conference of 1851.— Returned to the New Haven 
 District. — Death of Dr. Olin. 
 
 ft^lPRIL 15.-T-I am this day fifty-seven years 
 H^ of age. God has been pleased to make 
 W^ me an humble instrument of good to 
 others ; but I can lean upon nothing which I have 
 done or suffered, for salvation or acceptance with 
 God. I desire to consecrate my life, my time, my 
 talents, my influence, my all, anew to the service 
 of my Divine Lord. There is nothing on which 
 my thoughts so often dwell, as the meeting with 
 my God, face to face. 0, what a day ! To dwell 
 in eternal glory, or to be banished into eternal 
 perdition! !N"o covering, no dissembling there, 
 There must be no spot, no stain, all must he purity. 
 Thanks be to God, the blood of Jesus cleanses 
 from all sin. The saints in Heaven have white 
 robes, but they were once unclean : the Blood of 
 the Lamb has washed and made them white, and 
 His Blood can make the foulest clean. O my 
 God. wash me in this fountain ! 
 
280 
 
 JOUENAL. 
 
 June 5. — Conference was held in Allen St.' 
 Churcli, ISTew York City. A deficiency of about 
 three thousand members was reported, which is 
 sufficient to humble us, and cause sorrow and self- 
 examination. The appointing power kept all their 
 matters close to the last. Being unwell, I asked, 
 and obtained permission to leave before adjourn- 
 ment. I was appointed to Bridgeport, Conn. 
 
 [The following tribute appeared at this time, in one 
 of the New Haven papers. It was written by the Ed- 
 itor, who, though a mgmber of another Christian de- 
 nomination, was a frequent attendant on his ministry. 
 
 "REV. HEMAN BANGS. 
 
 " This faithful clergyman of the Methodist Episcopal 
 Church preached his farewell sermon yesterday, from 2 
 Cor. xiii. 11. ' Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, 
 be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace ; and 
 the God of love and peace shall be with yon.' 
 
 " The sermon was full of affectionate admonition and 
 powerful argument, addressed, to those who are members 
 of the Church, and those who are not. 
 
 " Mr. Bangs has secured a strong hold upon the regards 
 of Christians of all denominations in this community, by 
 his consistent and arduous labors in the field to which 
 he was appointed. He commenced with a very small 
 company — less than one hundred, who met in ' The Old 
 Museum' on Olive St., as the second M. E. Church. 
 The congregation multiplied rapidly, until the room was 
 filled. It was then proposed to build a church ; and al- 
 Ihough the means were limited, the work was under- 
 taken, and the result is the beautiful church on St. John 
 
1847—1852. 281 
 
 St., where the Society now meet. The little congregation 
 has swelled to a great multitude, and the membership 
 has ' increased in numbers daily.' 
 
 " While Mr. Bangs himself, would be slow to claim 
 much credit for what has been accomplished, yet it is 
 nevertheless a law of Providence, that no great good 
 shall come to man unless he strives for it; and this 
 clergyman's labors have been sufficient to crush some 
 half dozen men of ordinary strength of body, and energy 
 of mind. 
 
 " As a preacher, his style is peculiar to himself in its 
 most essential particulars. He has but one fault — ^that 
 of using occasional expressions and comparisons, which 
 seem not in keeping with the solemnity and earnestness 
 of his manner in other respects. But whether this is a 
 fault, there will probably be some difference of opinion. 
 
 " His sermons, are rarely or never too long or- too 
 short. There is no repetition of the same thoughts or 
 language ; but he is always at home with his subject-^— 
 beginning, continuing, and ending as one who has so 
 much to say — ^no more g,nd no less ; and who has well 
 pondered all he has to offer — never giving up the main 
 point for new ones, however attractive they may promise 
 to be. Extemporaneous speakers are too often tempted 
 to pursue a different course, and thus lose themselves 
 and their subject in chasing after their passing thoughts. 
 
 "Mr. Bangs' eloquence is of the masculine order; 
 strong, bold and majestic. But we do not mean to inti- 
 mate that his success here has been wholly, or chiefly 
 owing to this cause ; but rather to his unwearied labors 
 in every form, under the guidance and blessing of a 
 Higher Power. The earnest prayers of his own people, 
 and of many, very many other Christians, will follow 
 
282 JOUENAl,. 
 
 him to the end of his journey of life. May it he a long 
 one, and may he be instrumental in turning thousands 
 more into the path in which he has already urged so 
 many to tread." 
 
 July 2. — After much toil in packing, moving, 
 and unpacldng, I am now among my people; who, 
 as far as I can see, are pleased, and received ma 
 (.■ordially. My body is almost worn down with 
 fatigue, and my mind is sorrowful on many ac- 
 coiints. I enter upon the labors of my new statiou 
 \vith great diffidence and trembling. I see thft 
 field in which I am to work, and everything lookn 
 as though hard toil was before me. The membera 
 are few, the church in debt; religion low, house 
 out of order and needs repairing — no Lecture- 
 room nor Class-room; no place for business meet- 
 ings; the people scattered — some in town, soma 
 out. 0, for a heart to pray and trust in God! I 
 desire now, befere I appear to the people in the 
 pulpit, to consecrate myself anew to God, and gain 
 a fresh baptism of the Holy Ghost. Lord, if Thou 
 hast sent me here ; if 1 am in the way of Thy ap- 
 ■ pointment, come with Thy poor unworthy servant, 
 and assist Mm by Thy Holy Spirit. 
 
 September 15. — I have labored for several months 
 with some satisfaction, and I trust profit. The 
 congregation is filling up. One sinner was awak- 
 ened and converted under a sermon on Eaith. 
 
 One of my daughters &om the South, with, two 
 grandchildren, has been with us during the sum- 
 
18.47—1852. 283 
 
 mer. For seven weeks we had a house of sore 
 affliction — all the family being sick. Sometimes 
 we almost despaired of life ; and yet, in the midst 
 of the whole,. God was very kind in raising us all 
 to health again. "What reason we have to praise 
 Him, and dedicate ourselves anew to His service ! 
 Our friends were full of sympathy and kindness; 
 and our good Doctor Judaon was as attentive as a 
 brother, morning, noon and night. May the Lord 
 reward him in that day when He makes up Hia 
 jeweU! 
 
 December 31, 1847. — I have been absent from my 
 home nearly eight weeks. My daughter wished 
 to return to her home in the South; buthowcould 
 she go alone with two little children ? It seemed 
 impracticable, and I saw no other course than ta 
 accompany her myself. Providence opened the, 
 way, by providing me, with the means, and giving 
 me Bro. G. S. Gilbert to fill my place until my re- 
 turn. So I concluded to go, and we sailed from 
 Kew York 'for New Orleans on the 11th of Novem- 
 ber. "With fine weather, and favorable winds, we 
 reached Jackson, La., about one hundred and fifty 
 miles above New Orleans, on the 25th. Here I 
 have two daughters living, with their husbands; and 
 five grandsons. After visiting the country and 
 the children for about three weeks, I started for 
 home by way of the Mississippi and Ohio Rivers. 
 "We reached "Wheeling, Virginia, on Sunday morn- 
 ing, Dec. 26th. I attended service in the morn- 
 ing, and preached, for them in the evening. The 
 
284 JOUBNAL. 
 
 next morning was as cold as I ever experienced — 
 so much so that while dressing I froze the end of 
 one of my fingers. ' I made the rest of my journey by 
 coach and car, and this day reached home, finding 
 my family in good health. 
 
 I have traveled about five thousand miles with- 
 out accident. Thus has my kind Heavenly Fath- 
 er watched over me by day and by night. May I 
 never forget His loving kindness ! I have passed 
 through and around about twenty-one of these 
 United States — have seen all sorts of people, of all 
 colors and conditions, and have come home con- 
 tented. 
 
 Our own climate is cold, but healthful, and gives 
 all the necessaries of life. We have blacks but no 
 slavery. At the South this is one of their great- 
 est social evils. T pity them : it is an incubus up- 
 on industry and prosperity. But they have the 
 slaves, and how can they rid themselves of the en- 
 cumbrance ? This :s the grand question. But I 
 think the South will work out the problem of ne- 
 gro emancipation ; though it may be a long' time 
 first. Two principles, generally directly opposed 
 to each other will, in this mattei-, finally free the 
 slaves — self-interest and benevolence. Many are 
 now doing much for the religious instruction of 
 their slaves; and in several of the States, they find 
 that free-labor is more profitable than slave-labor. 
 Very many masters feel deeply on this subject, and 
 would be glad to see their people free, if it could 
 be acoomplished. They are making very laudable 
 
1847—1852. 285 
 
 efforts for tie cause of education, both in common 
 schools and in the higher institutions of learning, 
 
 Monday, January 17, 1848. — We have com- 
 menced some extra efforts to promote the cause of 
 religion, and the Great Master is pleased to own 
 and bless our labors. Several have already found 
 the Lord, and many Christians have been much 
 revived. Yesterday was a day of God's, great 
 power. He made His word quick and powerful. 
 
 Febrvary 21. '■ — Our meetings still continue. 
 About forty have professed faith in Christ — some 
 notable instances of divine power and mercy. The 
 congregations have greatly increased, our Sabbath 
 School is much improved, and many of the mem- 
 bers are revived. But there are still members who 
 have not been reached, because they seldom at- 
 tend ; and many poor sinners remain unmoved by 
 all that has been. done. I am ashamed of myself 
 that I have no more faith and power; yet God has 
 greatly blessed my own soul. But I am easily 
 discouraged ; I mourn over it. If I had suOicient 
 faith I could remove these mountains. 
 
 Monday, 28. — Yesterday was a day of toil- 
 preached three times to large and attentive congre- 
 gations. "Was much worn down in body, but 
 humbly trust good was done in the l^fame of the 
 Lord. This evening, three were at the altar for 
 prayers, and though the evening was stormj', the 
 meeting was a season of refreshing from the pres»- 
 ence of the Lord. 
 
 Tuesday f 29. — There were six at the altar for 
 
286 JOURNAL. 
 
 prayers to-night, and one lady found peace. 
 Among the number was a veteran in sin ; a sea- 
 captain who has been convinced of sin for weeks, 
 but bowed his knees for prayer this evening for 
 the first time. I pray God he may persevere until 
 he finds mercy. 
 
 Wednesday, March 1. — My desire to-day is to 
 please and serve God. I have some unpleasant 
 duties to perform. May the Lord give me wisdom 
 and strength ! To guide and govern the fiock of 
 Christ is no easy nor unimportant task : to warn 
 the unruly, to comfort the feeble, to guide the 
 inquirer, to build up the believer, to administer 
 discipline — 0, how much grace and wisdom are 
 needful ! 
 
 Monday, March 6. — ^Yesterday's labor of preach- 
 ing three times, and administering the Commun- 
 ion, makes my bones weary to-day. The work of 
 awakening seems to have come to a stand-still; 
 and yet a gracious influence pervades the large 
 assembly. A noted Universalist has been con- 
 verted recently ; his experience is very clear ; he 
 joined Class yesterday. 
 
 During my last pastorate in New Haven we 
 succeeded in building a commodious house of 
 worship and a convenient parsonage. When I 
 went among them there were but eighty mem- 
 bers. I left them with two hundred and fifty, and 
 a full congregation. The Trustees desired to 
 testify their appreciation of my labors. They 
 well knew I would not accept money, for they 
 
1«47— 1«52. 287 
 
 had tried ttat. So, after I had been here some 
 weeks, they surprised me by the presentation of a 
 Silver Pitcher. Although I had labored for them 
 beyond my strength, it was not for money, nor 
 with the hope of any earthly reward. Yet it was 
 very gratifying to my feelings to know that my 
 efforts to serve the Church were thus highly apr 
 predated by my brethren. I am grateful, but feel 
 utterly unworthy of the honors and blessings God 
 has, through Sis people, conferred upon me. 
 
 I record this incident to the honor of that 
 grace which makes men love one another. 
 
 The moral government of God is not a despotic 
 government — one of caprice; but a government 
 of moral laws. Man has ever been considered 
 and treated as a free, moral, intelligent, conse- 
 quently a responsible agent, under the control of 
 law. God has connected obedience to His law 
 with happiness, and disobedience with misery. 
 
 On this principle He has proclaimed a day of 
 Judgment, when every man shall receive accord- 
 ing to his works. Ifow, as the works of men dif- 
 fer in this life, so must their treatment be different 
 at the Judgment-Seat of Christ. He cannot con- 
 demn the just, nor can He justify the ungodly. 
 As many live wickedly and die in their sins, so 
 many must be punished in the next world. 
 
 To say that God wills that all be saved does not 
 prove that none will be punished, any more than 
 the fact that a good government wills that all its 
 
288 JOURKAL. 
 
 people be happy, is proof that there are no bad 
 subjects of that government. God wills that all 
 men be saved by coming to a knowledge of the 
 truth; but many obstinately resist the truth, 
 therefore cannot be saved. 
 
 It is said that God is love, therefore He cannot 
 punish His creatures. This argument proves too 
 much, if it proves anything; for it is against facts. 
 It would be equally against suffering in this life, 
 as it would be against punishment in the next. 
 Human suffering has ever existed, and now exists 
 everywhere. Look at the Deluge, the destructioH 
 of Sodom and Gomorrah, and of Jerusalem — the 
 overthrow of cities by earthquakes, the ravages 
 of malignant diseases — at the squalid poverty and 
 wretchedness of thousands of human beings. Yet 
 God is love. But God is just, also, and hates siu 
 and punishes the sinner. 
 
 Again — this argument overturns the foundation 
 of the Christian system; for if all men are to 
 escape punishment because God is love, why did 
 Christ die ? If it was needful for Christ to die in 
 order to save men, then it follows that they are 
 not saved on the ground merely that God is love. 
 
 But it may be said that God's love was the 
 cause of Christ's dying, and that His death secures 
 the salvation of all men. 1 answer, it was indeed 
 the love that God had for us that caused Him to 
 give His Son that we might be saved; and Christ 
 did die for all men; but it does not necessarily 
 follow that all men will be saved. 
 
1847—1852. 289 
 
 The death of Christ made the necessary provi- 
 sion for the salvation of all men ; but His death 
 was not intended absolutely to save any one adult 
 (the question is not now concerning infants) from 
 future punishment. The Gospel is to be preached 
 to persuade men to avail themselves of the provi- 
 sions made by Christ; but only those who repent 
 and believe this Gospel arc •personally benefited by 
 the death of Christ. 
 
 See Christ's own words : " God so loved the 
 world that IIo gave His only begotton Son, that 
 whosoever bclievclh in Him should not perish, but 
 have everlasting life ; and he that believeth not 
 shall be damned." 
 
 Repentance and faith are, then, as necessary to 
 the salvation of a sinner, as the death of Christ 
 was necessary to make provision for his salvation. 
 But, as there are many who live and die without 
 repentance and faith, so there are many who will 
 be punished in the other world. 
 
 The death of Christ, then, shows that men are 
 not saved merely because God is love. The ne- 
 cessity of repentance and faith shows conclusively 
 that men are not saved merely because Christ died 
 for them — nay, more ; the death of Christ will be 
 the grand reason why the unbeliever should be 
 damned — for "this is the condemnation" (the 
 reason of it) " that light is come into the world, 
 and men love darkness rather than light, because 
 their deeds were evil." "If" says Jesus, "I had 
 not come they had not had sin ; - but now they have 
 
290 JOURNAL. 
 
 no cloak for their sin." The following are a few of 
 the direct proofs from Scripture showing the pun- 
 ishment of men in the next world. Mark ix. 43- 
 50; Romans ii. 1-12; John v. 28, 29; 2 Thess. i. 
 7-9i Matt. XXV. 46. 
 
 Friday y May 12, 1848. — Our General Conference 
 is now in session in the City of Pittsburg, Pa. 
 Grave matters are before them, and vast interests 
 depend upon their acts and decisions. I have 
 many fears and some hopes. I will not turn 
 prophet, nor judge beforehand. This I know : if 
 they are governed by the love of God and souls, 
 they will do right; but if they suffer selfish, 
 worldly influences to govern; and follow human 
 policy, no one can foretell the evil that will result. 
 They may throw the church and the nation into, a 
 flame of controversy which years may not quench. 
 Lord, arise for the defence of Thine own cause, 
 and save Thine heritage ! 
 
 July 1, 1849. — The last year has been spent as 
 Presiding Elder of the New Haven District. God 
 in His great mercy has been wonderfully gracious 
 to me. "We have had general peace, some pros- 
 perity, and my health has steadily improved. 
 Labor does not hurt me, and riding agrees with 
 me. 
 
 It is six weeks since I returned from Confer- 
 ence. It was our first session since the division of 
 the ISew York Conference. Business progressed 
 rapidly and pleasantly, so that in seven days our 
 
1847—1852. 291 
 
 work was done, and we started for our fields of 
 labor. I am returned for the second year to the 
 New Haven District. 
 
 . August 23. — Have finished my first Quarter's ap- 
 pointments on the District — have attended twenty- 
 nine Quarterly meetings, and preached fifty ser- 
 mons. My health of body improves, but my soul 
 does not prosper as I desire. I have had, by 
 God's grace, some hberty in declaring the Gospel 
 of truth, and humbly trust some good has been 
 done. But my desire is to go to Heaven myself, 
 as well as to direct others in the way — to feel in 
 my own soul what I hold out to others as their 
 privilege — ^to live, in all things myself, as I teach 
 others to live. But alas ! how far I come short. 
 I am humbled , before the Lord. How much 
 imperfection and how little purity of heart ! "Wash 
 me, Saviour, in Thy cleansing blood ! 
 
 October 24. — For some weeks past have had great 
 liberty in preaching Christ, and God has set His seal 
 upon the word. At "Waterbury, on the 7th, we 
 had a fine rain without ; and while the earth was 
 being watered with the beneficial showers, the 
 Lord poured His grace upon us within, and the 
 word was made a two-edged sword. So, also, at 
 Middlebury the power of the Lord was present to 
 heal and bless. My own soul was greatly refreshed. 
 I could hardly sleep all night for praising the Lord. 
 June 1860. — Conference, after a very pleasant 
 session of nine days, adjourned May 30th, and the 
 preachers left for their several fields of labor-r 
 
292 JOURNAL. 
 
 some pleased and some displeased — some blaming 
 Bishop and Presiding Elders, when, perhaps, they 
 might be more profitablj'employed in blaming 
 themselves. Some seek, fat places, and are un- 
 willing to make.sacrifi.ces for Christ. 
 
 My appointment is for the third year on the 
 Kew Haven District. What is before me the 
 Lord only knows. My business is to improve to- 
 day, and take no anxious thought for the morrow. 
 
 June 27. — For two weeks past my dear wife has 
 been very ill ; and now the prospect of recovery 
 is doubtful J yet I rdust leave home. This is a 
 great trial of faith, to leave a sick wife with whom 
 I have spent, very pleasantly, thirty-nine years of 
 my life ;' one who has cheerfully wandered with 
 me from place to place. But I must leave all in 
 the hands of a good and faithful God, and go on 
 my pilgrimage. "We shall soon get through. 0, 
 that it may be safely ! Notwithstanding all my 
 unfaithfulness and unworthiness, the Holy Spirit 
 is drawing my heart upwards. The world appears 
 of small importance, comparatively. To enjoy the 
 approbation of God is to me the first consider- 
 ation. As my racQ is almost run, I must arouse 
 myself, and run the faster. for the Holy Ghost 
 to sanctify me and fill my heart, that every word 
 and every work may be according to His will. I 
 have had much forgiven and should love much. 
 If I am so happy as to reach Heaven, I shall sing 
 loudly of Redeeming grace. 
 
 September 3. — I have finished one round on the 
 
18*7—1852. 293 
 
 District since Conference — preached fiftj-nine 
 times, besides the administration of Baptism and 
 the Lord's Supper, Love-feasts, QuartCTly Confer- 
 ences, and Prayer-meetings ; and laid the cornei-- 
 stone of one new church. I have labored in much 
 weakness, and with many imperfections. Now I 
 commence my second tour. Lord, wilt Thou go 
 with me, and make my feeble labors a blessing to 
 the people ? 
 
 September 30. — A most beautiful month ! Our 
 congregations have been large and our meetings 
 interesting. God's goodness is unspeakable. What 
 should I do if there were no Saviour, no Atone- 
 ment, no arm mightier than my own? Surely, 
 those who make so little of Christ, cannot have such 
 views of their own vileness as I have, nor have 
 such a heart to contend with ; or they would not 
 expect to prepare themselves for Heaven by their 
 own power or holiness. Alas ! without Jesus, I 
 perish ; He shall have all the glory pf my salvation. 
 
 October 9. — ^Is it not time for all who have any 
 love for the good of society, who feel any regard 
 for their fellow-men, who love social order and 
 social happiness, to become temperance men ? Is it 
 not time for all temperance men and temperance 
 women too, to arise and shake themselves from 
 their inactivity, and work efficiently and persever- 
 ingly in the cause of humanity ? Never before in 
 this State, or perhaps -in any other State in this 
 "Onion, have we had such- fearful evidence of the 
 destructive power of strong drink, as we have now 
 
294 JOURNAL. 
 
 before our eyes. Four persons murdered within 
 one year! Two men have already been hung, 
 three more are now in prison, awaiting the awful 
 hour of their execution ; and three more in jail 
 awaiting their trial for murder — and. all this de- 
 struction of human happiness and human life, of 
 body and of soul, is through the direct agency of 
 strong drink ! 
 
 If this does not arouse the community to do 
 what they can -to suppress the traffic, I know not 
 what will. All possible pains are taken to secure 
 the murderers, and have them punished — which is 
 well enough. But the men who sold the liquor to 
 these murderers, we suffer among us, and treat 
 them as good and honest citizens. 
 
 It is time to see to this matter. "What shall we 
 do ? Do ! — ^^.vhy stop the accursed trade — prohibit 
 its sale as a drink. IsTo man needs it, no man is 
 the better for it. As total abstinence is the only 
 safe course for the drinker, so the only safe course 
 for the community is to prohibit the sale of 
 alcohol as a drink. You miffht as well undertake 
 to regulate a fire in the woods, by law, as to 
 regulate the sale of liquor by law. It has been 
 tried in^all manner of ways. Law after law has 
 been made, but what good has been effected? 
 Just none at all. Why do not men open their 
 eyes, and see the thing just as it ia ? Because they 
 are blinded, either by their appetites, or their love 
 of money, or their fear of losing political emi- 
 nence. 
 
1847—1852. 295 
 
 I hear men say, you will break up our business 
 in which we have invested our capital, and deprive 
 us of our gains, and of our living, and you have 
 no right to do it! But if your business is destroy- 
 ing the lives of men, and the happiness of society, 
 you have no moral right to pursue it, however 
 gainfal it may be to yourself — and if you are so 
 vicious, and so hard-hearted that you will not 
 leave it off voluntarily, then we must make it un- 
 lawful to sell it at all, an'd compel you not to destroy 
 the peace and happiness of your neighbors. The 
 law is not made for, a righteous man, to enable him 
 to do well, but for bad men, to prevent their doing 
 harm to themselves and to others. 
 
 Are there not already many things wholly pro- 
 hibited by law, by which men might make money ? 
 Are not gambling-houses, lotteries, houses of ill- 
 fame thus forbidden ? Could any of these receive 
 license ? Now, strong drink is the mother of all 
 these abominations, and shall we so severely con- 
 demn these beautiful children, and try to drive 
 them out of the land, and suffer the old mother of 
 all to remain among us, to breed more and more 
 of her detestable, offspring! No, no — kill the 
 old serpent, and most of the young vip«rs -^vill 
 vanish ! 
 
 Eumselling is the great manufacturing business 
 by which wretchedness, pauperism and taxation 
 are poured in upon us like a flood. Let the good 
 men of this State arise, and put up the legal 
 dykes that are to stop this overflowing scourge. 
 
296 JOURNAL. 
 
 Send men of the true stamp to the Legislature to 
 make our laws — men who will not fear to do their 
 duty. 
 
 Freemen of .Connecticut! see to it at the next 
 Spring Election. Not indeed to make Temperance 
 a mere political question, not to form a separate 
 Temperance party ; but to bring this great moral 
 question to bear with all its force and importance 
 upon political men, and political parties. Let them 
 know that they cannot have your votes, unless they 
 have the names of Temperance men of the true 
 stamp upon their tickets. In most of the Senatorial 
 Districts and Towns, and ptobably in the State 
 you hold the balance of power — use it faithfully, 
 prudently, and firmly, and that power will make 
 political demagogues tremble, and will tell upon 
 the character of the next Legislature. 
 
 * * 4c Hi ii! 4c if 4c 
 
 December 4. — T have just commenced my third 
 quarterly tour around the District. I have had 
 some conflicts, both vsdthin and without. But 
 most of the time, through the abundant grace of 
 our Lord Jesus Christ, the time has passed both 
 pleasantly and profitably. Some places that have 
 been dijy and unfruitful for several years, have been 
 blest with showers of refreshing from the hand of 
 the Lord. 
 
 I find that, in general, where the preachers take 
 hold in good earnest, and go into the work with 
 all their hearts ; there, the work of God revives — 
 showing evidently, that God expects us to use the 
 
1847—1852. 297 
 
 appropriate means and where those means are used, 
 there He sheds His blessing upon the people. 
 
 My own heart is reviving, I feel that I have 
 more moral power, more confidence in God. My 
 place is in the dust. Lord, keep me humble. 
 
 April 15, 1851. — ^t am this day sixty-one years of 
 age. For thirty-six years I have been a wanderer, 
 striving to bring sinners to Christ. I have seen 
 hundreds and thousands converted — but in this I 
 will not glory, only in the mercy of God through 
 -Chri'st Jesus. But O, the many, many imper- 
 fections I now see and deplore in my past history ! 
 Lord, keep me unto the end ! Make my last days 
 my best. Take me, soul and body, and make me 
 wholly Thine. 
 
 May 22. — I have finished my work on the District 
 for the year. God has given me good health — not 
 a real sick day during the year. What cause for 
 gratitude ! Within a few weeks past,. God, by His 
 grace, and for the sake of Jesus Christ, has power- 
 fully strengthened my soul. I feel my heart pant- 
 ing for purity. I desire to spend, and be spent for 
 Chi'ist and souls. 
 
 One Week more, and Conference comes. May 
 the good Lord be with us and direct all our delib- 
 erations and decisions. 
 
 June 7, 1851. — 1 have just returned from our 
 Annual Conference. We had a laborious, but an 
 unusually harmonious session. The Cabinet labors 
 resulted in the general satisfaction of the preachers. 
 But some were disappointed. How can it be 
 
298 JOURNAL. 
 
 othewise, unless eacli one makes up his mind to 
 give himself wholly to the work of God, and seeks 
 nothing but His glory and the salvation of souls — 
 going cheerfully to any part of the work where he 
 may be needed. 
 
 I find myself returned to the District for the 
 fourth year. A very responsible, but not a very 
 desirable place. I hope God will give me grace, 
 and health, if it please Him, to go through the 
 duties and labors of the year, so as to be useful to 
 the people. I need Heavenly illumination. 
 
 July 24. — The Lord has been very gracious, 
 enabling me to perfom my labors to this date- 
 With one exception, I have preached three times 
 every Sabbath since Conference, besides attending 
 to the other duties of my office. I am willing, 
 nay, I love to labor for God and souls. My heart's 
 desire is that the work may revive all around the 
 District. Last year, more than eleven hundred 
 were converted. 0, for two thousand this year ! ' 
 
 August 19. — ^A great and good man has fallen in 
 our Israel. Dr. Olin left this world of tears for 
 the land of eternal joys on the 6th inst. What 
 will become of the University? Who will fill hia 
 place? These are questions much easier asked 
 than answered. But God will provide. 
 
 Monday, November 10. — This day finishes my 
 second tour around the District. I have had my 
 trials and my conflicts, but the blood of Christ 
 has been my healing balm, and the Holy Spirit 
 has been my Comforter. 
 
1852-1861. 
 
 A Hiatus in the, Journal. — Delegat'? to the General Conference 
 at Boston. — Annual Conference at Hartford, Conn. — Two Years. 
 Presiding Elder of N. Y. East District. — Conference in Brooklyn, 
 — Stationed at Norfolk Street Church, New York City. — Agent of 
 the Wesleyan University. — Origin of the Wesleyan XTniversity. — 
 Conference of 1855. — Two Years at Allen St. Church, New York 
 City. — Delegate to the General Conference at Indianapolis. — 
 Annual Conference of 1857.^Two Years at Centenary Church, 
 Brooklyn. — Re-appointed Presiding Elder of N. Y. East District. 
 — Sketch of a Sermon on Religious Unity. — The Old Hive of 
 Methodism. — A Terrific Storm. — "Snug Quarters, at Bro. George 
 I. Seney's." — " Old Age will come." — A New Church Enterprise at 
 Harlem. — Severe Illness. — Great Peace and Patience. — This is no 
 Time for Idleness. — Holiness the Strength of the Ministry, and 
 the Glory of the Church. — Ee-union Services at Allen St. Church. 
 — "The Saviour of All Men." — Prosperity of the Churches in New 
 York. — A Comprehensive Wish. — Second Avenue Church. — Ma- 
 maroneck, the Banner Church. — Conference at Stamford, Conn. — 
 Re-appointed to. the New York East District. — BeekmanHill. — , 
 "What he dislikes. — Oliver Hoyt and Brothers. — A Day of Inward 
 Trial. — " Our People moving Up Town."^Camp-Meeting at Sing- 
 Sing. — ^Party Politics ignored.' 
 
 EEE the record stopped. For what reason 
 I cau hardly say — perhaps because it was 
 80-barren of incidents. But whatever was 
 the cause, I now regret it, and to-day, July 15, 
 1859, I will begin anew. The outline of events 
 during the last eight years, I must give from mem- 
 ory, as well as I am able. 
 
 la May, 1852, I attended the Joleneral Confer- 
 ence in Boston. We had a long, laborious, but 
 
300 JOURNAL. 
 
 peaceful session. One Bisliop had died, one had 
 resigned — four new ones were elected. 
 
 Our Annual Conference sat in Plartford, Ct., in 
 June, and my time on the New Haven District 
 having expired, I was appointed to the E'ew York 
 East District, which I served two years. "We had 
 some trials ; but on the whole they were happy, 
 prosperous years. 
 
 At the Conference held in Brooklyn, in 1854, 
 under the plea of necessity, I was removed from the 
 District and stationed at N'orfolk Street Church, 
 New York. My family were living in New Haven, 
 and my wife, at the time, too sick to be removed. 
 This the Bishop knew, and said he did not expect 
 me to move them. I informed him that I could 
 not take proper charge of a church in New York, 
 and live in New Haven. He thought I could, and 
 I yielded. I had been there but five months, when 
 the Bishop — (not the one who presided at the last 
 Conference,) desired me to leave, and take an 
 Agency to raise an endowment for the Wesleyan 
 University. I said if he would give me a written 
 discharge ; provide for Norfolk St. Church ; and 
 the preachers of New York and Brooklyn unani- 
 mously agreed that it was best- for me to make this 
 change, I would consent. The preachers unani- 
 mously decided I ought to take the Agency, and I 
 consented to accept, and fulfil its duties until the 
 session of the next Conference. I was more suc- 
 cessful in raisthg money than I expected, and 
 'completed an endowment of $100,000. 
 
1852—1861. 301 
 
 Who first suggested the idea of the Wesleyan 
 University ? The late beloved Wilbur Fisk, D. D.? 
 No, not he. The venerable Laban Clark, D. D.? 
 No, not he. Heman Bangs? No, not he. Who 
 then ? I answer, it was the gentlemen then hold- 
 ing the responsible office of Trustees of the Part- 
 ridge Military Academy, located in Middletown, 
 Connecticut. 
 
 In 1827 I was -stationed in Middletown. The 
 status of religion was low, and the Society few and 
 feeble. They had no parsonage, and gave a very 
 light support to the pastor. They had a small, 
 old, brick church, cracked from gable-end to 
 watertable, with old shutters never painted — in 
 fact, nothing inviting about it, inside or out. 
 
 I went to work in the name of the Lord. The 
 first thing was to get a parsonage. Over the kitch- 
 en, I had a room finished for prayer and class-meet- 
 ings. In this room we commenced operations, 
 and God was pleased to own our labors, and pour 
 out His Holy Spirit. The room was soon too small, 
 and we had to take to the old church. This was 
 also filled — and now we began to talk about a, 
 new church. 
 
 Great difficulties were to be met and' overcome. 
 Some said, the undertaking was liVn building 
 castles in the air — others, we have no monej'. 
 Some were in favor of free seats ; some desired 
 pews. 
 
 At this time we had no houses of worship on the 
 west side of the Connecticut River, fit to be called 
 
302 JOUENAI,. 
 
 churches, except the one in lifew Haven. Our 
 Bishops, Conferences, people and Discipline, were 
 all directly opposed to pewed churches. None had 
 yet been built with pews to sell or to rent. 
 
 It was, as may be supposed, under these circum- 
 stances, a bold innovation for a young man like 
 myself to build the first pewed church. I had to 
 suffer much in consequence ; but I found I could 
 not build a free church, and there was fair pros- 
 pect that one with pews could be built. I thought 
 I had rather have a pewed church than none at 
 all ; so I determined " to cross the Rubicon" and 
 make the effort. I did so, but had a heavy task. 
 I had to do all the preaching ; attend to all the 
 social meetings ; perform all the pastoral work ; 
 obtain all the subscriptions for the church ; make 
 all the plans and contracts for the building ; col- 
 lect all the money, and see that the builders were 
 punctually paid. ' 
 
 The Banks had pledged themselves not to let 
 us have a dollar, and we had little credit with men 
 of money — but God opened the way, and the work 
 prospered. Every payment was punctually met, 
 and on the first day of January, 1829, to the great 
 astonishment of friends and foes, our new and 
 beautiful church was dedicated to the worship of 
 Almighty God, by Eev. Dr. Fisk. As soon as it 
 was opened, it was filled to overflowing : we had a 
 glorious revival, and scores were added to the 
 church. 
 
 In the spring following, my two years had ex- 
 
pired, and I must leave. The wealthy men of the 
 town had become my warm friends. About this 
 time the Academy under Captain Partridge, having 
 been unsuccessful, was given up : the Trustees who 
 had been witnesses of our work said, if these Meth- 
 odists can accomplish so much with such means, 
 they can, if they will undertake it, build a Liter- 
 ary Institution. We will offer them the Acad- 
 emy property as an inducement to establish a Col- 
 lege in Middletown. 
 
 I had left for Conference, but they wrote to me 
 through a friend and made the offer. Rev. Laban 
 Clark was my Pr^iding Elder, and I showed him 
 the letter. This was the first intimation Bro. 
 Clark had of the project. He laid the letter be- 
 fore the Conference, and they appointed a Com- 
 mittee, consisting, I think, of Laban Clark, Heman 
 Bangs, John Emory, Samuel Luckey, and Na- 
 than Bangs, to negotiate with the Trustees of 
 the Academy. 
 
 Bro. Clark saw tbem first, and a proposition 
 was made that the Academy property should be 
 valued at $33,000 — that the Conference should 
 raise 1 100,000 as an endowment, and then they 
 would make over to us in fee their entire property. 
 
 I was atthis time stationed in the City of IsTew 
 York. When I heard of Bro. Clark's proposition, 
 I said, we cannot do that. To raise money, at that 
 time, for literary purposes was no easy niatter; 
 and I said, they must reduce it to 1 66,000. To 
 accomplish this, I went to Middletown, called 
 
304 JOUBNAL. 
 
 together the Trustees of the Academy, laid the 
 subject before them, and they readily acceded to 
 my amendment. All they desired, they said, was 
 a permanent Institution of learning. 
 
 The University was not yet a fixed fact. The 
 Committee must report to the Conference. The 
 New England Conference was invited, and did 
 unite with the New York Conference. 
 
 ■When it was ascertained that a movement of 
 this kind was being made, several places began to 
 compete for the location of the College. Bridge- 
 port and Troy became strong competitors. Bro. 
 Clark was for Bridgeport and Bro. Luckey for 
 Troy — I was steadily for Middietown. However, 
 it was good policy to get as many, and as large 
 bids as possible. 
 
 Bro. Luckey being my colleague in New York, I 
 proposed that he should go to Troy, stir them up, 
 and see what he could do there; and I would 
 work Middletown. He went to Troy, and soon 
 after, I wrote to Middletown stating these facts, 
 and adding that they must raise an additional sum 
 of $ 20,000, or they might lose the Institution. I 
 suggested that the Town of Middletown should 
 raise $ 10,000, and the other $ 10,000 should be 
 obtained by private subscription. 
 
 My letter came in good time. On the day of 
 their Town Meeting, the subject vwas at once 
 brought before them, and they adjourned to a 
 certain day to consider the matter. At the ap- 
 pointed time they met and voted $ 10,000 out of 
 
1852—1861. 305 
 
 the avails of their Stone-Quarry, and raised $ 8,000 
 by personal subscriptions. 
 
 This decided the matter. When the Conference 
 met, and the Committee reported, they voted to 
 locate the Institution at Middletowh. 
 
 This is a true history of the commencement of 
 what is now called the Wesleyan University. 
 
 Of the early struggles and arduous labors in 
 which I was engaged for its endowment, I need 
 not speak. 
 
 At the Conference of 1855, 1 was appointed to 
 the charge of Allen St. church, 'New York City. 
 My wife's health was so far improved that she 
 could be removed, though with difficulty. Here 
 we spent two pleasant, and I trust profitable years. 
 IN'ever shall I forget the members of the Allen St. 
 church, and their kindness to me and mine. God 
 bless and prosper them ! 
 
 In the Spring of 1856 I attended the General 
 Conference at Indianapolis. 
 
 At the Conference of 1857, 1 was stationed at 
 Centenary church, Brooklyn. This was my first 
 appointment on Long Island. Here I suffered 
 much from bodily infirmity, but the people were 
 very kind and forbearing. A goodly number 
 were added to the church, and through the bless- 
 ing of God, we left them in a state of temporal 
 and spiritual prosperity. 
 
 This Spring, 1859, 1 was again placed upon the 
 New York IJast District, and removed my family 
 to ISTew Haven, Conn., as I own a house here, and 
 
806 JOURNAL. 
 
 the District provides no house for the Presiding 
 Elder. 
 
 The people and preachers have received me with 
 great cordiality and affection, which is a great 
 comfort to my poor heart. O, that I were more 
 holy, that I might be more useful! The respon- 
 sibilities are great, but the Master is faithful. 
 
 Sunday, July 17. — This morning, preached in 
 the Twenty-Seventh St. church. Had some liberty 
 in discoursing on Religious IJnity, and its benefits. 
 Unity, not of name, not of thought, not of form, 
 not of creed, not of organization ; but of affection, 
 of heart, of motive or purpose. 
 
 In order for men to have this Unity, they must 
 love God, and in order to love God, they must be 
 born__af_ God — know God, as their pardoning 
 Father. The being born of God is a work of the 
 Holy Ghost, and therefore is alike in its nature in 
 all who receive it. It begets love to all men. God 
 is love, Christ is love, the Holy Ghost is the Spirit 
 of love ; and wherever He lives and reigns, there 
 love reigns, and enmity and hatred can have no 
 place. Men's judgments may differ, but their 
 hearts will agree. 
 
 To preserve this Unity, we must observe. I. 
 To keep the love of God- burning in our hearts, 
 n. "We must not expect too much of each other, 
 nor judge hastily, nor rashly. We all have our 
 imperfections, and need the mantle of charity; 
 so we should be ready an(^ willing to throw the 
 same mantle over the failings of others. HI. We 
 
1852—1861. 307 
 
 should speak as well of each, other -as we can in 
 truth. When we can say nothing good of an 
 absent brother, the better way is to say nothing at 
 all. Do as you would be done by. IV. Pray for 
 each other. V. Keep up an interchange of friendly 
 associations. How good and how pleasant is such 
 unity! Its benefits are illustrated by two signifi- 
 cant figures. Its pleasantness, by the oil of the 
 Sanctuary, and its goodness, by the dew of heaven. 
 
 Sunday, July 31. — Preached in John St. church. 
 This is the old hive of Methodism. Here I was 
 stationed in 1821; and again in 1828. "What a 
 change ! ' Then, " John Street" was the stronghold 
 of our church in IsTew York City. Strong and 
 wealthy men were here; the largest house of 
 worship in the land was here; here were hundreds 
 and thousands converted. But now, there are 
 few left. Many are in Heaven, many have re- 
 moved to other places. It is as truly Missionary 
 ground as Germany. The large house has been 
 taken away, and a small one built, with the rest 
 of the old site converted into stores. The con- 
 gregation is mostly composed of visitors and 
 strangers coming to the City on business. Yet 
 God is here still. They have a regular pastor who 
 preaches to them every Sabbath. They keep up 
 class-meetings, the sabbath school, and a daily 
 prayer-meeting is held at noon. God bless old 
 John Street ! "We hope the consecrated spot will 
 never be forsaken. 
 
 Monday, Septmd}er 12. — Explored the City, in 
 
3()8 JOURNAL. 
 
 the neighborhood of Harlem, in search of a site 
 for a new church. On One hundred and Sixteenth 
 Street, east of Second Avenue, four lots were pur- 
 chased, and preparations are to be made immedi- 
 ately for the erection of a temporary building. Tt 
 will cost about $ 4,000. A class of from forty to 
 fifty members will be formed at once. Brother 
 Fletcher, of Twenty-Seventh Street church, will 
 take charge of them for the present. 
 
 Saturday, September 17. — -A tremendous storm of 
 wind and rain. Much damage was done to trees, 
 buildings and shipping — a real north-easter, equi- 
 noctial storm. I traveled about fifty miles in the 
 cars. At the Depot where I stopped, no people, 
 no carriage. To hold an umbrella was out of the 
 question, so I had no alternative but to be patient 
 and wait. After about two hours a carriage came 
 — it seemed as though the wind would take away 
 carriage, horses and man. But through the mercy 
 of our kind Heavenly Father, we came safely to 
 our snug quarters at Bro. George I. Seney's, Mam- 
 aroneck. 'So meeting that night ; but the Sabbath 
 dawned beautifully. The clouds were cleared 
 away, the wind was lulled to sleep, the sun arose in 
 splendor, and the air was warm and balmy as sum- 
 mer. God is seen in all His works. 
 
 Sunday, 25. — ^Preached at Mount Vernon in the 
 evening. Quite an interest here among the chil- 
 dren. Seventeen forward for prayers at the Sun- 
 day School prayer-meeting in the afternoon; and 
 in the evening several found peace in believing. 
 
1852—1861. 309 
 
 Monday, 26. — Returned liome, and found all 
 well. I find that three sermons and Sacrament on 
 the same day, make my flesh cry out for rest. 
 Formerly I did not mind it, but I cannot labor as 
 I could once. Old age and febleness will come. 
 But I have abundant reason to thank God that I 
 am able to accomplish so much at sixty-nine years 
 of age. 
 
 Yesterday was a day of much comfort to myself, 
 and I trust some good to others. To God be all 
 the glory in Christ Jesus. 
 
 Monday, October 10. — ^Was quite ill last week, but 
 came to Ifew York and attended to my appoint- 
 ments yesterday. This morning felt better than 
 usual; went to Harlem to form a new Society; 
 appointed them a preacher, and set on foot the 
 building of a new church. 
 
 November 14 — Since my last entry have been very 
 ill. After a night of awful suffering in Harlem, 
 the 10th of October last, I was carried to the cars, 
 and reached home almost as nearly dead as alive. 
 I have been confined to the house ever since. I 
 had a kind* and skillful physician, good nurses, and 
 the attentions of dear friends. How sweet is Chris- 
 tian sympathy ! How it has led me to love my breth- 
 ren ! But the best of all, God has been with me, and 
 given me great peace and patience. Christ was my 
 Rock and my salvation. I could trust Him with 
 all my heart. 
 
 I am quite recovered, and hope soon to be in the 
 work of my beloved Master. O, may I be more 
 
310 JOURNAL. 
 
 humble, more holy, more zealous for God and 
 
 BOuls, 
 
 December 29. — I have attended most of my ap- 
 pointments ; but not having fully recovered my 
 strength, I have to use caution, and spare myself. 
 Last Sabbath the Lord was very good, and carried 
 me through the labors of the day without much 
 harm — Lovefe'ast, preaching three times, and ad- 
 ministration of the Lord's Supper. So I thank 
 God and take courage. Though I cannot labor as 
 I could once, I must not grow weary, nor desist 
 from work. This is no time for idleness. The 
 church needs faithful laborers; the world must 
 be conquered^ for Christ. Sin, Satan, and poli- 
 ticians are all combined against us. 0, how should 
 we pray for the peace of Jerusalem ! 
 
 ^Saturday, December 31. — ^Preached at ten o'clock 
 in the evening at Seventeenth St. Church. A so- 
 cial meeting followed, which lasted until the New 
 Year came in. But why is there no more power 
 attending the word? Is the salt without the savor? 
 Have we lost the vitality of religion? 0, my soul, 
 take timely warning ! I have not all that melting 
 fervor and love I ought to have, nor as much as I 
 have felt at many former times. The thought 
 makes me shudder. Drawing near the end of my 
 race, shall I grow tardy when I should increase my 
 speed ? I do love Him, but my love is too faint, 
 too cold. Holiness is the strength of a minister 
 Without close communion with God, he is weak 
 in himself, and his ministrations will be feeble, 
 
1852—1861. 311 
 
 no matter how eloquent or truthful his words. 
 Holiness is the glory, the power of the Christian 
 church, no matter how numerous, how wealthy 
 her members, nor how splendid her places of wor- 
 ship. God is holy. To have sympathy with God, 
 we must be like God; hence the commandment, 
 " Be ye holy, for I am holy." "We have- lost this 
 likeness by sin; hence the sinner is estranged from 
 God. Christ came, that He might recover us, and 
 bring us back by His own blood; redeem us from 
 all iniquity, and by His Holy Spirit change and 
 regenerate our natures, that we may be like Him, 
 and so be brought into sympathy with God. Then 
 we love Him because He first loved us, and hold 
 .communion with God through Jesus Christ, our 
 great High Priest; .and from Him continually _ 
 draw vita,lity and power, as the living branch from 
 the vine. 
 
 Sunday, Javuary 1, 1860. — The old year, 1859, is 
 now in eternity. It has carried its record on high, 
 of sins committed, duties neglected, sufferings 
 endured, joys and sorrows experienced, and mer- 
 cies received. O, what changes have been made 
 in social and civil life ! How many, who felt that 
 their foundations stood sure, are now mere wrecks ! 
 Time, thou terrible traveler, how dost thou hurry 
 us on ! Thy wheels never weary, never stand still. 
 God of love, help us to work while the day lasts ! 
 
 Preached in the morning at Ninth St. church. 
 In the afternoon attended the re-union services at 
 the Allen St. church — a very pleasant time. At 
 
312 JOURNAL. 
 
 night preached in the Seventeenth St. churoh on 
 Christ's kingdom, John xviii. 36. I. It is an in- 
 ward and spiritual kingdom. 11. It is not main- 
 tained by physical force, nor by carnal weapons, 
 but by the word and spirit of God. HI. It is a uni- 
 versal kingdom — it does not meddle with civil gov- 
 ernments, nor the civil relations that exist among 
 men, but is designed for all nations, and people 
 of every tongue. IV. Its perpetuity — it is an 
 everlasting kingdom. It will continue through 
 time and eternity. Christ is absolute Kiiig, the 
 fountain of all power and authority. His govern- 
 ment is by the la^ of love. His subjects are 
 angels, infants, and converted men and women. 
 
 Monday, Jammry 8. — Preached in the Twenty-* 
 seventh St. church, from 1 Timothy iv. 10. " The 
 Saviour of all men." I. He saves all men from 
 the covenant of works, as a covenant of salvation, 
 and has placed them under a new covenant, the 
 covenant of grace; the conditions of which are 
 suited to man in his sinful state. II. He saves 
 man from total deprivation, restores to him free 
 agency, and gives a measure of true light to guide 
 him in the way of life. HI. He saves all men 
 from the guilt of original sin, and thereby secures 
 the eternal salvation of all who die in infancy. 
 IV. He saves all men from excuse. If they are 
 not eternally saved, it is their own fault. " Espe- 
 cially of those that believe." Universal salvation 
 is unconditional ; special salvation is conditional. 
 Universal salvation relates to Adam, as the head 
 
1852—1861. 313 
 
 and father, and representative of the human fam- 
 ily; special salvation relates to the pardon of our 
 personal sins and their consequences, and re-estab- 
 lishment into the favor and image of God, and 
 ends in eternal blessedness in Heaven. 
 . January 29. — In the evening preached in the 
 Willet St. church. The power of the Lord was. 
 present. The good V70rk is reviving in most of 
 our churches in !N"ew York; souls are converted 
 every day in the week. I have not seen in this 
 city more general prosperity for the past ten years. 
 Congregations are large, and very attentive to the 
 word. Ride on. King Jesus! until all Thy foes are 
 subdued. 
 
 Janvary 30. — Keturned home, and found all 
 well. O, where on earth is there a place like 
 home, in the bosom of one's family! Blessed 
 hope of a Home in Heaven, in a house not made 
 with hands ! Yet here, when duty calls, home and 
 friends and all earthly comforts, must yield their 
 claims. "We must forsake all for Christ, and suffer 
 with Him, if we would reign with Him. 
 
 I tako pleasure in the prosperity of others. 
 "N^othing delights me more as I pass around among 
 the churches, than to hear the people speak well 
 of their pastors. Would that they- were all as 
 strong as Samson; wise as Solomon; meek as 
 Moses; full of fire as Isaiah; full of love as St. 
 John; as powerful in reasoning as St. Paul; as full 
 of fervor as St. Peter — and as successful in v^in- 
 ning souls as all of them put together ! 
 
314 JOURNAL. 
 
 March 13. — At Harlem— a new appointment, but 
 very promising. We have a Sunday School of 
 over one hundred children ; fifty members ; a 
 board of Trustees elected; a site purchased for a 
 church; a Quarterly Conference organized; and a 
 Missionary secured for six months. At the next 
 Conference they will be placed on the Minutes as 
 the Second Avenue Church. They are putting up 
 a temporary chapel in which to hold meetings, 
 until they can build their church edifice, 
 
 March 26. — Attended Quarterly- meeting at 
 Mamaroneck. Here they have built a beautiful 
 church, and bought a comfortable parsonage. I 
 preached for them on Sunday, and took their an- 
 nual collection for the superannuated preachers. 
 It was a blessed time, and the people gave a col- 
 lection that did them honor — perhaps the largest 
 ever taken at one time, in one place, for such a 
 purpose, in these United States. It was over five 
 hundred dollars ! God bless them ! 
 
 May 9. — Our Confercnae opened its session in 
 Stamford, Conn., April 10. Bishop Simpson pre- 
 sided. I was returned to my former field of labor. 
 
 "We have organized a new Quarterly Conference 
 at Beekman Hill, on Fiftieth Street. I gave the 
 charge for the present to Bro. Dunscombe. Hei-e 
 is to be built a new church, lecture-room, and par- 
 sonage. 
 
 May 21. — Met the District Stewards ; a friendly 
 meeting. They generously added to my allow- 
 ance, without any suggestion on my part. Indeed, 
 
1852—1861. 315 
 
 after opening the meeting by singing and praj-er, 
 I left them to themselves, and they made their 
 own estimate. This is as it should be. I dislike 
 'to hear a preacher whiuiug about his salary, and 
 hanging around the committee, as though he 
 cared for nothing but his bread and cheese! I 
 wish to leave all this thing to the people. 
 
 June. 18. — Quarterly-meeting, Saturday and Sun- 
 day, at Darien, and Stamford. Things look prom- 
 ising. I stayed with Bro. 0. Hoyt, a noble man, 
 with a lovely family. God has wonderfully pros- 
 pered him and his brothers. They are all wealthy, 
 and all liberal. They use their money in doing 
 good : this saves them from the curse of covetous- 
 ness. God Uless and prosper them, in soul and 
 body ! 
 
 June 20. — A day of sore trial from within. I 
 fear my heart deceived me ; I was not as strong as 
 I thought myself. God, what a weak, miserable 
 creature is man! I cry unto Thee for help; leave 
 me not. I am humbled before Thee. Pardon my 
 follies, and give me grace to stand, and having 
 done all, to stand. God is a consuming fire. How 
 could a sinner approach Him, had he not a Medi- 
 ator, like Jesus Christ the Eighteous. 
 
 July 22. — Preached in Forsyth St. in the even- 
 ing — a barren time. What a falHng off in this old 
 church ! Our people, like the rest of the Protest- 
 ant population, are moving up town, and to the 
 surrounding country ; and the lower Wards of the 
 city are as much Missionary ground as China or 
 
316 JOUENAL. 
 
 Hindoostan. Unless the ohurch see to it, an awful 
 day will come for l^ew York. 
 
 August 21. — I took charge of the Camp-meeting 
 at Sing Sing — a blessed good meeting. It was good 
 from first to last. The preaching was powerful, 
 the prayer-meetings lively, the singing full of spir- 
 it, and the order excellent. But Friday was the 
 last, great day of the feast. The services were full 
 of the power and glory of God. About one hun- 
 dred were converted during the meeting. God is 
 good. How He does sustain me ! I feel, after all 
 my toils, as fresh and vigorous as I did twenty 
 years ago. To God I owe it till. 
 
 November 6. — The day of election for President 
 and Yice-President. There has beeif great excite- 
 ment in reference to the election. 
 
 From pure, motives I have ignored politics, so 
 far as parties are concerned. Since I becam,e a 
 minister of Christ, my only business has been to 
 save souls. 
 
 November 7. — The struggle is over. The Eepub- 
 licans have elected their candidate. 
 
 There is great fear that the United States will be 
 divided, and that the South will secede. But God 
 reigns, and the Union of these States will be main- 
 tained. There is yet too mu<!h good sense and 
 patriotism in the country, for this folly. Our pros- 
 perity depends upon our Union. The South and the 
 l^orth cannot live without each other. But there 
 are foolish men in both sections who delight in 
 strife, and the great bone of contention is Slavery, 
 
1861-1863. 
 
 Second Visit to the South. — Louisiana Conference at Baton 
 Rouge — At Port Gibson. — Rev. Dr. Breckenridge. — Interview 
 with Eev. Dr. Butler. — Physical Condition of the Slaves. — Dan- 
 ger and Folly of Secession. — Beware of Rash Judgment. — Eetur^ 
 Trip. — A Day of Fasting and Prayer for the Nation. — Ultraista 
 North and South — Coufidence in the Liberality of the Church. — 
 Conference of 1861 in Brooklyn.^Re-appointed to the New Ha- 
 ven District for the Fourth Time. — Substitute for Presiding Elders. 
 - — Trip to Louisville, Ky. — Effects of the War. — Camp-Meeting at 
 Milford.— " So Much of Self, so Little of God."— A National Fast. 
 — "Seven Meetings a Day." — State of the Country and of the 
 Church. — Characteristic Perseverance. — " A Train of Cars Stuck 
 Fast in a Snow-bank." — Record of the Year. — Conference at 
 W^terbury. — Returned to New Haven District. — Death of Dr. 
 Nathan Bangs. — Not Convinced. — Meeting of the District Stew- 
 ards. — Union Armies before Richmond. — " Gathered into the 
 Heavenly Garner.^' — A Week of Horrors I— Religious regard for 
 Christmas-Day. 
 
 j|ANTJAET 1.— On the twenty-first of N'o- 
 vember last, in company with my wife, I 
 started for a trip to the South, to visit our 
 children. We left New York City on board the 
 Steamship " De Soto," Captain Johnson, bound for 
 N'ew Orleans, via Havana. The officers of the 
 boat were gentlemanly, the waiters polite, and the 
 stewardess most kind and obliging. Any one who 
 has taken a sea-voyage wiih a lady-companion will 
 appreciate the importance of such qualifications. 
 
318 JOUKNAL. 
 
 I was invited to preach on the Sahbath, but was at 
 that time too sick to have public worship, though 
 we had prayers in our state room, night and 
 morning. 
 
 " We reached Havana on Monday, the twenty- 
 sixth. It being after sun-down, we were not allowed 
 to enter ; so came to anchor near the guard-ship, 
 at the mouth of the harbor, under the frowning 
 batteries of Moro Castle. At sunrise, the anchor 
 was weighed, and we steamed up the beautiful 
 harbor. About five, E. M., of the twenty-seventh, 
 we left behind us this Queen of the Antilles, and 
 bent our prow towards the Crescent City, where 
 wc arrived Friday the thirteenth, about seven, A. M. 
 We made no stay in the City, but left the ship 
 immediately for a Steariier up the River to Baton 
 Tvouge, the residence of my son-in-law. Prof. Ma- 
 gruder. [ffothing can be more beautiful than this 
 " coast" of Louisiana, above 'New Orleans. Rich,' 
 cultivated plantations of sugar-cane, and fine man- 
 sions with their villages of negro-quarters, greet 
 the eye on either side of the noble River. The 
 whole country seems a lovely garden, not a hill, or 
 a stone to be seen. We arrived at our destination 
 about one o'clock, on Saturday morning, December 
 the first. 
 
 Before leaving IsTew York, some of iliy friends 
 expressed fears that I might meet with hard usage 
 at the south. But their fears were groundless. 
 The Louisiana Conference assembled the week 
 after my arrival. Bishop Early, and the preachera 
 
1861—1863. 319 
 
 received me as a Christian brother, and in every 
 place, and by all the people with whom I associated 
 I was treated with much kindness and warm- 
 hearted friendship. 
 
 A beantiful Methodist church had just been 
 erected in Baton Rouge, which was dedicated the 
 day after our arrival. They invited me to preach 
 in the evening. I did the best I could, with my 
 head rolling and pitching like the ship I had just 
 left. They had preaching every night, and every 
 day, at eleven, A. M., during the session of Confer- 
 ence, and the Bishop held a Conference prayer- 
 meeting for half-an-hour, at half-past eight in 
 the morning. A glorious revival was- the result. 
 The house was filled every night : such a time had 
 not been witnessed before in this place. More 
 than fifty professed conversion, and joined the 
 church. 
 
 On Friday, the fifteenth of December, I left 
 Baton Rouge for Port Gibson, Mississippi, the 
 home of my^son-in-law, the Rev. B. Jones. I 
 seemed to have arrived in the season of dedica- 
 tions. The Presbyterian church of this place was 
 consecrated on the seventeenth, by the Rev. Dr. 
 Breckenridge, President of Oakland College, 
 Miss. His sermon, and prayer for the Union, did 
 me good. I felt like giving a Methodist shout, 
 and told him so. 
 
 Hearing I was in town, one of their deacons 
 waited upon me with a request that I would preach 
 for them in the evening, to which I cheerfully con- 
 
320 JOURNAL. 
 
 sented. The Lord helped me to speak the truth 
 in love — the sermon was long and loud enough to 
 have been a good one. On the afternoon of the 
 same Sabbath I preached to the blacks in the M. 
 E. church. I enjoyed it much, and they seemed 
 to feel " mighty " well, too. When service closed, 
 they all came up to shake hands with " ole massa." 
 Some of them, I was told, thought "ole massa" 
 did not use enough big words, but talked to them 
 too much as if they were little children. 
 
 The pastor of the Presbyterian cliurch, Eev. Dr. 
 Butler, was very sick. On Tuesday, he sent one 
 of his deacons with a request for me to visit him. 
 I found the old soldier near his end, but on the 
 wing for glory. We conversed very sweetly for a 
 while; he then asked me to pray. He responded 
 fervently, and at the close gave a hearty " Amen," 
 and said, " Brother, I love you." I never had a 
 more delightful, or more profitable interview with 
 a sick man. He is the father of his people — the 
 only pastor they ever had, having been among 
 them nearly forty years, and is greatly beloved. 
 
 The following Sunday, I received word that Dr. 
 Butler was dying, and desired to see me, but I was 
 sick myself, and unable to leave the house. 
 About one o'clock, he left his weeping family and 
 flock, for his home in Heaven. How precious the 
 religion of Jesus, that robs death of its sting, and 
 opens the gate to immortality ! 
 
 As to the physical condition of the slaves at the 
 South, I believe they are as well off as the free 
 
1861—1863. 321 
 
 blacks of the ifirorth — better fed, better clothed, 
 better housed, and do leas work. They appeared 
 to be a very happy people : the care and expense 
 all devolves on their masters and mistresses. I 
 am told that the laws of Louisiana and Mississippi 
 are very severe in protecting the slave. 
 
 A great change has come over the public feeling, 
 both North and South, within the last twenty-five 
 years. The extreme measures of the Iforth on 
 this subject have driven the. South into' the opposite 
 extreme. Heretofore, there were thousands at the 
 South who considered Slavery an evil ; but a nec- 
 essary evil, which they knew not how to remove. 
 But now, so far as I could learn, they have come 
 to the conclusion that " the institution " is right 
 and Scriptural, and the best state possible for the 
 blacks. I will not stop to argue the point at all; 
 I merely state the fact. The movements of the 
 ultraists of the l^Torth have been productive of only 
 evil to the master and slave ; exasperating the for- 
 mer, aud causingiihem to restrict the privileges of 
 the latter. But the Methodists are doing a good 
 work among them. Many missionaries are em- 
 ployed on the plantations, who are supported by 
 the planters themselves. Some are paid by the 
 Missionary Society; and some congregations of 
 blacks in New Orleans are self-supporting. I con- 
 versed with a brother preacher who is constantly 
 laboring among them, and he gave a thrilling ac- 
 count of his mission. 
 
 As far as I could learn, there is but one opinion 
 
322 JOURNAL. 
 
 on the subject of secession : all are for secession, 
 differing only as to how, and when. Most were 
 for immediate and separate action; while others 
 — a much less number — were for co-operation with 
 other states, and waiting until such co-operation 
 could be effected. 
 
 They believe that the election of Lincoln to the 
 Presidency, demonsti'ates a combination and deter- 
 mination in the North, to use the power of the 
 general government to crush out their institution. 
 Whether this be true or false, right or wrong, they 
 sincerely believe it: hence the haste and determin- 
 ation for secession. 
 
 I endeavored to reason with them on the danger 
 and folly of secession — that no State had, or could 
 have, the right to secede at pleasure — ^that such a 
 doctrine would destroy all republican or confeder- 
 ate governmencs. Their treaties with foreign gov- 
 ernments would be worthless; their obligations 
 for debts would be valueless; no nation'would fear 
 or respect such a government. I asked, if a South- 
 ern Confederacy was formed, from whence would 
 come the money to keep its machinery in motion ? 
 Taxation would test faith, patience, and patriotism. 
 If one State considered herself too heavily taxed, 
 she might declare her determination to secede, 
 and no objection could be made. She has the 
 right, and can slide into independence. Another 
 • may follow her example, and so on to the last. 
 Such a Confederacy would be no better than a rope 
 of sand. 
 
1861—1863. 323 
 
 Again — I told them — ^you cannot liave a peace- 
 ful secession. Civil war, with, all its horrors, will 
 follow. "What could you do ? Eemember you are 
 surrounded by free States. On the Iforth, from 
 the Atlantic to the Pacific — on the "West, free 
 Mexico — on the other side of the ocean, England 
 aud France, both against you; in fact, the whole 
 civilized world against you. 
 
 Again — ^your slave property would be wholly in- 
 secure, for there would be a rush of negroes to 
 the free States, and no fugitive slave law to offer 
 you even the shadow of protection. You must 
 sustain an armed police from the Atlantic to the 
 Pacific. Are you able to do this ? Consider well 
 two questions — What shall we lose ? "What shall 
 we gain by secession ? Stay in the Union and fight 
 your battles : you can do it better here than out 
 of it. Now you have the sympathy of millions in 
 the ITorth ; but if you secede, you lose all. 
 
 In this way I endeavored to reason with my 
 brethren at the South. They heard me patiently. 
 No one returned an uncivil word, but I fear that 
 few were convinced. Indeed, they were not in a 
 state of mind to reason calmly. I told them they 
 were just like the ultra-abolitionists of the North. 
 
 I love my Southern brethren. There are as 
 warm and true-hearted Christians there as anv- 
 where; and they are as honest iu their view of 
 things as ourselves. We must beware of rash 
 judgment. God will judge us all in the last day. 
 
 Oh, that my head were waters, and mine eves a 
 
324 JOURNAL. 
 
 -fountain of tears, that I miglit weep day and night 
 for my church and my country ! Shall I live to see 
 this beautiftil structure, which my fathers assisted 
 to raise with their hlood, scattered to the winds? 
 As long as I live, will I pray for the peace of Jeru- 
 salem, and the Unioji of these Uirited States. 
 
 On Thursday, the twenty-fifth, I left my dear 
 wife and children, and started for home. Came 
 up the River to Vicksburg — there took the cars, 
 riding night and day, fourteen hundred miles, to 
 Philadelphia, where I spent the Sabbath. Heard 
 two good sermons from Brothers Hodgson and 
 Cookraan, and on Monday morning left for Ifew 
 York — thence to ITew Haven Thus have I been 
 preserved from harm and accident during ihe en- 
 tire journey. Thanks to my Heavenly Father for 
 all His undeserved mercies ! 
 
 January 4. — A day of fasting and prayer for the 
 Nation, by appointment of the President of the 
 United States. Is there not a cause ? Are we not 
 a wicked people? There is corruption in high 
 places — ^bribery, false and profane swearing, drunk- 
 enness and Sabbath-brfiaking, forfetfulncss of God, 
 and dishonoring of Christ. 0, for a universal and 
 hearty National repentance ! This may turn away 
 the wrath of God. 
 
 January 21. — ^This morning attended Preacher's 
 Meeting, and heard what pained my heart — a 
 Methodist preacher publicly declare that he could 
 not pray for the TJnion of the States, because sla- 
 very existed in some of them. O, fanaticism, how 
 
1861—1863. 325 
 
 it blinds the mind ! The ultraists of the IN'orth, 
 and the ultraists of the South, are alike in spirit 
 — both would destroy the Union if they could.' 
 God grant that they both may be disappointed. 
 
 January 31. — I try not to be anxious about the 
 future. I have given my whole life to the church. 
 I have begged thousands for others, but never a 
 dollar for myself. Have helped to build abou* 
 forty churches and twelve parsonages ; and now. 
 when old and grey-headed, will the church let mo 
 starve ? I have ever placed full confidence in hei 
 liberality, and will not hastily throw away that 
 confidence. I have taken very little pains to pro- 
 vide for the future : what little I have, was mostly 
 saved before I traveled. All of my children have 
 been educated, my debts have been punctually 
 paid. God has been very good to me ; I will still 
 trust Him. Blessed, ever blessed, be His holy 
 ISaxsxe. 
 
 April 16. — Our Conference sat this year in 
 Brooklyn, N". Y. I received my appointment on 
 the E'ew Haven District for the fourth time. This 
 removal from the New York District, after only 
 two years service, was occasioned by a law decision 
 of the Bishops, that a Presiding Elder could not. 
 travel the same Distinct more than four year? 
 in ten. The Discipline does not say this in so 
 many words, but this was their construction. I 
 think the law contemplated a different thing, viz. 
 that after aPresiding Elder had traveled a District 
 full four years at one time, then he should not be re- 
 
326 JOURNAL. 
 
 turned to the same under six years. This would be 
 four years in ten ; but they would be four years in 
 succession, not four years at different times, as in 
 my case. But it is some consolation that I am re- 
 moved from legal cause, and not from disaffection. 
 The preachers and people, so far as I know, 
 ardently desired my return. Why should a living 
 man complain ? Were T as able to endure labor 
 and hardships as I was formerly, I should aare 
 nothing about it; but this District is more la- 
 .borious than that of N. Y., and I fear my strength 
 will not prove adequate to the task before me. 
 Yet I will, by God's grace, try and do the best I 
 can, and leave all to the direction of Divine Prov- 
 idence. 
 
 May 25. — My labors and preaching are equal to 
 any two preachers on the District, and yet many 
 think the office a sinecure — 3t is certainly a thank- 
 less one. Yet some one must fill it, while our 
 present church economy continues. But why 
 could we not substitute Chairmen of Districts, in 
 the thickly settled portions of the work ? Let the 
 Chairman be a pastor, and have his support from 
 the church he serves, and the other places pay only 
 his traveling expenses. This would leave a great 
 many good men for the Pastorate, and save a large 
 amount of money, in the aggregate. We- shall 
 probably come to this before long. Many of our 
 'preachers get but just enough to keep soul and 
 body together ; and hardly that, in some placeSi 
 How, then, can they spare any for the Presiding 
 
1861—1863. 327 
 
 Elder ? Yet the laborer is worthy of his hire. 
 There should be less preaching or more pay. 
 Several of these small places should be put together 
 and formed into a Circuit, with one preacher in 
 charge, who should supply the appointments with 
 local Preachers, as far as practicable. "Who will 
 do this work? It is the business of the Bishop to 
 arrange the Districts and appoint the preachers. 
 The Discipline makes no one else responsible. 
 The Discipline knows nothing of Presiding Elders 
 as Cabinet Officers, or Counsellors of the Bishop. 
 If they are indispensable in Stationing the preachers, 
 why not legalize their duties, and put them in the 
 Discipline ? 
 
 July 17,^Started for Louisville, Ky., to meet 
 my wife on her way home from the South, where 
 she has been spending the winter with our daugh- 
 ters. I was absent less than one week, traveled 
 more than two thousand miles, and rested two 
 days and a half. Thus the Lord took care of us, 
 and no evil was suffered to befall us. I spent a 
 Sabbath in Louisville, and preached in the Foui-th 
 St. M. E. Church. ' 
 
 July 29. — Religion is at a low ebb, business 
 prostrate, people sad and discouraged. This hor- 
 rible war absorbs everything — time, money, in- 
 dustry, thought, conversation, and life itself. God 
 have mercy upon us ! 
 
 August 12. — Camp-meeting at Milford. Large 
 attendance, good order; some conversions, and 
 great good done for the churches. I labored 
 
328 JOURNAL. 
 
 under great bodily affliction, but came home feeling 
 better, both in body and mind, than when 1 went. 
 
 August 30. — Rode to Bristol, and lodged with 
 Bro. F. "W. Smith, an old friend, whose father was 
 my Presiding Elder more than forty years ago. 
 
 September 15. — Preached three times — in the 
 morning at St. John St. church, New Haven — in 
 the afternoon at George St. — at night in the 
 First church, besides walking three or four miles. 
 The walking is more laborious than the preaching 
 — but the latter was blundering woi-k all day. 
 When through, after a review of the day, I was 
 mortified — ashamed of myself that there had been 
 so much of self, an il so little of God, of power, of 
 the Holy Ghost. What is all human effort with- 
 out God's Spirit? It does not tell; — none are 
 awakened, none converted. God be merciful to 
 me a sinner ! 
 
 September 22. — After preaching three times, ad- 
 ministering the Sacrament and riding about four- 
 teen miles, felt as fresh as when I commenced the 
 day. This is the Lord's mercy to an old man of 
 seventy-one ! 
 
 September 26. — To-day is a National Fast. May it 
 be kept, as a guilty Nation should keep a Fast, 
 with broken, penitent hearts, confessing our man- 
 ifold sins and transgressions. O God, help us, for 
 vain is the help of man! Five hundred thousand 
 men — brothers, Christians — in bloody conflict with 
 each other, and when or how it will end, God only 
 knows ! 
 
1861- -1863. 329 
 
 October 24. — The first hard frost of the season. 
 We have had a glorious Fall ; the fields are as fresh 
 and green as in June. The Lord has dealt boun- 
 tifully with our lan^; our granaries are full : yet 
 wretched man is butchering his fellow-man. Hor- 
 rid work ! We are a highly favored people, but 
 unholy and ungrateful. We receive the gifts, and 
 forget and insult the Giver : hence God has a con- 
 troversj'.with us. 
 
 November 3. — Seven meetings a day make busy 
 work, but for the people's good I do it. There 
 are so many appointments and so few Sabbaths, 
 that they can have only week-day visits, which are 
 of little value, or I must make^ three appointments 
 for the Sabbath. Then there are so many young, 
 unordained preachers, that I must administer the 
 Sacrament, or the people do not receive it at all. 
 But God, thus far, has given me health and strength 
 for my day. 
 
 December 26.— Last week was taken quite ill in' 
 the night; obtained sonic relief before morniiig; 
 but a day or two aflfer, the attack was renewed, 
 and I was obliged to send for the Doctor, ami be 
 .confined to the house for a week. Lost throe 
 appointments on the Sabbath, which was a grc':it 
 grief to me. But I am the Lord's prisoner, and 
 have no right to complain. 
 
 December 30. — Yesterday attended Love feast at 
 nine in the morning — preachijig at half-pnbt ten, 
 then rode in an open wagon six miles and preached 
 at one ©''clock, administered the Lord's Supper, 
 
330 JOURNAL. 
 
 and held Quarterly Conference: then rode eight 
 miles in an open wagon which broke down, and 
 I had to borrow another. Preached at half-past 
 six in the afternoon, and afterwards administered 
 the Lord's Supper. Slept tolerably — up early this 
 morning and started for home. Arrived safely 
 and found all well. Thank God, I suffered nothing 
 in health, though my physician objected to my 
 going. 
 
 December 81. — Traveled forty miles to assist a 
 brother at his "Watch-night service ; but he had tiot 
 the courage to appoint one; so I had my trouble 
 for naught. -for a little zeal ! 
 
 January 1. — This' day opens the year 1862. The 
 country is in g, horrible state of confusion and war. 
 The church is cold, religion is prostrate. Great 
 God, have mercy upon us, or we perish -by our 
 own folly ! God never changes. He will do right, 
 and Eternity will settle all these questions. "We 
 have sinned greatly as a people. "We have re- 
 ceived much, and improved little. "Would it be 
 any wonder if God should take away our talents, 
 and give them to a people bringing forth more 
 fruit? 
 
 January 7. — ^Rode fourteen miles in a little jump- 
 er not much larger than a hand-sled — no box, 
 only a low seat — cramped as though in a boot — 
 the road rough and hubby — snow dry as ashes. 
 It was a hard time for man and beast — then took 
 the cars twenty-four miles, and arrived home 
 about nine in the evening. 
 
1861—1863. 331 
 
 Jarmary 19. — Awful weather, traveling terrible 
 ■^—slippery as glass. I fell flat once — broke no 
 bones, but wrenched several muscles. At ten in 
 the morning preached to about twenty. Eode six 
 miles through sleet and rain, and preached at half- 
 past one, to ^bout thirty. Administered the Lord's 
 Supper, and had a precious season. Eode six 
 miles further, and preached at six o'clock to about 
 thirty people. 
 
 Janvary 20. — Still stormy : no stirring ou foot 
 without danger of falling at every step. Rode 
 three miles and took the cars for home — rain, rain ; 
 but, through the goodness of God, arrived without 
 accident. Received little money, but what of that ? 
 I do not labor for money. I must do my duty; if 
 the people do not do theirs, they must answer for 
 it. I labor just the same for those who pay little, 
 .as for those who pay much. If God shall say to 
 me " Well done," it is enough. 
 
 FebruarylX.- — Started for my appointment, fifty 
 miles distant, by cars. The messenger to take me 
 on, not arriving, and it being near dark, I plucked 
 up courage and walked through the snow, carry- 
 ing ray carpet-bag three mil es^a feat I have not 
 performed for many years ; but I received no other 
 harm than wearied limbs. 
 
 February 28. — ^Started for Granby in the midst 
 of a terrible storm of wind and snow. "Wo went 
 on tolerably well for about twenty-four miles, when 
 wc came up to a train of cars stuck fast in a snow- 
 bank. They had left New Haven eight or nine 
 
332 JOURNAL. 
 
 hours before us. After pulling, and blowing, and 
 shoveling, they started, and we went on four or 
 five miles; when finding it impossible to make 
 further progress, we concluded to turn about and 
 return to Ifew Haven. Two engines were attached 
 to the train, and we started again, ran three miles, 
 — stuck fast in a snow-bank, and could neither go 
 forward nor backward. After toiling until mid- 
 night, they gave it up, and we had to remain all 
 night without food, and with little sleep. Day- 
 light finally dawned — some went on to the Statioia- 
 house and started a gang of shovelers and another 
 engine; and by their help, by noon, we had made 
 three miles. Here more shovelers were obtained. 
 Two hundred men, I presume, were working on 
 the road ; so, after being stuck, and shoveled out 
 two or three times, we arrived at the end of our 
 journey about three o'clock in the afternoon, hav- 
 ing been twenty-four hours in traveling Ibrty miles. 
 I had five miles further to ride through'the dnow, 
 and no messenger had come for me ; but a stranger 
 accommodated me with a ride part of the way, 
 and I then found a brother who consented to take 
 me the remainder: so I finally arrived safely — 
 preached to less than twenty people, and had a 
 sweet and profitable season. The people treat me 
 with respect and kindness in every place. How 
 pleasant is this Christian fellowship ! It repays 
 me for ail my toils and privations. 
 
 #fC y 3p 3f! ^ 3|t !fC Iff 
 
 April 9.-:— Our Conference commenced its session 
 
1861—1863. 333 
 
 in Waterbury, Conn. We worked hard in tlic 
 Cabinet every afternoon and night until ten o'clock, 
 and the last night until two o'clock in' the morn- 
 ing. I think that little is gained by these night 
 sessions, when one is fatigued, and the mind is 
 clouded. This stationipg the preachers is both a 
 delicate and a difficult business. Every place 
 must have a preacher, and every preacher must 
 have a place. Do the best you can there will be 
 hard cases, and some will feel aggrieved. I ' am 
 returned to the New Haven District. 
 
 AprH 28. — Yesterday, commenced' my regular 
 work on the District by preaching t^^^ce in New 
 Haven, and in the evening at Fair Haven. The 
 church in the latter place is in a prosperous state. 
 So it is in every place where the preacher is truly 
 alive to God, and devoted to the great work of 
 his calling, ' 
 
 May 5. — On Saturday, received a telegram an- 
 nouncing the death of my brother Nathan. To- 
 day, started with my daughters to attend his funer- 
 al, my wifei being too unwell to leave home. He 
 died in the Lord, after a ministry in the church of 
 sixty years. He was my last brother : now, only 
 one sister and myself remain out of a family of 
 fourteen children. O God ! prepare me so to live, 
 that my last end may be like his. We shall meet 
 again ! 
 
 What a company of preachers from the New 
 York Conference will meet in Heaven! More 
 tha,n one hundred have died since I entered the 
 
334 JOURNAL, 
 
 ranks. I am now tlie oldest eiFective member ex- 
 cept one. How soon must I follow ! 
 
 June 8. — Attended a Lecture by a minister- 
 soldier from the Army. He could not get a chap- 
 laincy; so he joined the ranks as a private, and is 
 now promoted to a lieutenantcy. But he did not 
 convince me that ministers of the Gospel are called 
 to assume carnal weapons. Let every man be 
 faithful to his own calling. Let the dead bury 
 their dead ; but let Christ's ministers follow Him. 
 
 June 23. — The District Stewards met and lessened 
 my allowance from what it was last year. ITever 
 mind, you are an old man ! Yes, I am advancing 
 in years, but I have grown old in the service of the 
 church. You are worn out ! JSTot quite yet ; I do 
 more labor than any preacher on the District ; but 
 if. I lam, I have worn out my life in the service of 
 the church, and I do not jegret it. I never starved 
 to death yet, and perhaps I never shall : at any 
 rate, I shall never starve by anticipation ! 
 
 June 30. — Took the cars at Simsbury, and reach- 
 ed home about ten o'clock — found all well. Have 
 been absent nine days, and held twenty meetings 
 — feel as comfortable in mind, and as well in body, 
 as when I left home. 
 
 July 4. — A day of sorrow instead of gladness. 
 Our armies before Richmond are driven back, and 
 thousands of men killed and wounded. Horrible 
 slaughter of human beings ! A dark cloud hangs 
 over our poor, bleeding country, 
 
 August 25. — Returned home and found my wife 
 
1861—1863. 335 
 
 suffering more than usual with rheumatism. But 
 her and my suffering-time will soon be over. God 
 grant that we may find rest in h^eaven. 
 
 August 27. — Buried tlie body of a lovely young 
 lady about twenty years of age, who died happy 
 in the Lord — the daughter of an old friend whom 
 I received into-the church about twenty-five years 
 ago, and -who died two years since. God gathers 
 my spiritual children into the heavenly garner 
 before me. 
 
 September 1. — Preaching and Quarterly Confer- 
 ence at Kensington. A dark, cloudy night, heavy 
 rain, and strong, wind, with thunder and lightning. 
 But few out ; yet I preached as long and as loud 
 as though there had been a house-full. 
 
 The past week has been a week of horrors. The 
 war rages with unabated fury. Probably thirty 
 thousand precious souls have been hurried into 
 eternity during the week, and apparently no ground 
 gained. The excitement is such that" scarcely any 
 thing else is thought of or talked about, but en- 
 listing, and the war. N^early one half of the fight- 
 ing men are called to arms in this horrid civil 
 war, and more than a million are actually engaged 
 in this work of carnage. God of mercy! pity, 
 pity our nation ! 
 
 December 25. — Christmas Day. During my whole 
 life I have felt bound, in duty and gratitude, to 
 keep this day religiously, and attend Divine service 
 somewhere.. "Wlien I have charge of a church I 
 always have it opened ; but to-day all our churches 
 
3^6 JOURNAL. 
 
 are closed ; bo I was obliged to attend tlie Epis- 
 copal dmrch. Their service is interesting but 
 cumbersome — they read and sing many go6d sen- 
 timents; but where, O where is the feeling, the 
 power I 
 
1863-1865. 
 
 Sad Feelings and Reflections. — Almost a Rest-Day — Conference' 
 in Brooklyn, N.Y.— Re appointed to New Haven District. — Record 
 of Work on the District.— The Patriarch, Laban Clark.— Deathi 
 of Re\r. Dr. Kennady — Reunion Meeting, in Brooklyn.-— Tlie 
 Richest Reward a Minister can have. — Sickness of his Wife — 
 Family Reminiscences. — Personal Recollections of Bishop Asbury. 
 — Want of due Care in giving License to Preach. — Politics in' 
 Jeroboam's Time, and Now. — Forty-Nine Years in the Itinerant 
 Ministry. — Returned to New Haven District. — Fidelity to Princi^ 
 pie.— A Week's Work —Death of Mrs. Nathan Bangs. — What' 
 made them to Differ. — A Full Dose and a Cure. — Gamp-Meetina 
 at Plainville — Death of his Wife. — Fifty-Three Years of Married 
 Life. — " Her First Sabbath in Heaven." — A Token of Christian 
 Friendship. — Trip over the Catskill Mountains. — The Week of 
 Prayer. — Thoughts about Heaven.' 
 
 i|ANUAE,Y 1.— Spent most of the day at 
 home. I feel very sad. The country in- 
 volved ill a bloody war, the church full of 
 politics, and very little religious interest. "What 
 will become of us? Is God pouring out His vials 
 of wrath upon us for our sins? We desei've. it: 
 we have had great blessings, but we have been -un- 
 thankful and unfaithful. ITothing can save us but 
 confession, repentance, and faith in Jesns Christ. 
 Fehmary 81 — Almost a rest-day, but I Avas quite 
 unwell with a bad cold. Preached in the morning 
 at Hanover; then administered the Lord's Supper 
 came back to Meriden, and preached in the after 
 noon. It was very muddy, but the house was filled 
 with listening hearers. At both of these places 
 the Lord is reviving His work. There were fif- 
 
338 ' JOURNAL. 
 
 teen at the altar for prayers this evening. Just in 
 the midst of the meeting there was a cry of " fire," 
 which broke up the assembly. A large brick 
 block was burned; nothing was standing in the 
 morning but some of the outside walls. But the 
 flames were so bright as to be seen seventeen 
 miles each way, and aroused an alarm of fire both 
 in Hartford and in New Haven. 
 
 March 15. — At nine in the morning held Love- 
 feast — a house full of brethren, and of the glory of 
 God. At ten, preached longer than usual, but 
 God helped me. I spoke plainly, and the hearers 
 felt the power. Administered the Lord's Supper 
 to a large number of communicants, and baptized 
 five; so we had four hours' continuous service. 
 Rode several miles and preached to a school-house 
 full of serious persons, and baptized fourteen. 
 About fifoy have been converted on this Circuit. 
 
 March 31. — To-morrow I leave for Conference, 
 which sits in Brooklyn, L. I. O how I am afflict- 
 ed at the thought of the appointments! The 
 Bishops know, and can know, but very little how 
 the people and preachers feel. The Presiding 
 Elder has no legal power, and" yet he must bear all 
 tlie blame. It is a cross ; as such I take it up. I 
 hope that God will overrule all for the best. 
 
 Ajml 8. — Our annual Conference closed yester^ 
 day, after a session of seven days. I was returned 
 to the New Haven District, and entered immedi- 
 ately upon my work. Lord, giv« us prosperity 
 this year ! 
 
1863—1865. 339 
 
 June 8. — ^Returned from a tour of four days, hav- 
 ing preached five sermons, held four Quarterly 
 Conferences, one Love-feast, and administered the 
 Sacrament twice. In some places things look 
 hopeful, but in others dark enough. God, 
 come to our help ! 
 
 September 11. — Have finished my. second tour 
 around the District. Only ten conversions report- 
 ed. Lord, he^p us! 
 
 September 13. — This day commenced my third 
 round on the District. My heart feels a weight of 
 responsibility. Preached, in the morning, in the 
 First church, ~Ee-w Haven, from 2 Corinthians v. 
 20. God gave liberty and clearness. It is a little 
 remarkable, that though I have been preaching 
 for nearly fifty years, I never preached on this sub- 
 ject before. So He enables us to bring things new 
 and old out of the treasury of His word. 
 
 October 13. — Quite unwell — obtained help from 
 the preacher, who filled my appointment at Mid- 
 dlcfield, and I came on to Middletown, and stopped 
 with my old and valued friend, Laban Clark, the 
 patriarch of the Conference, now in his eighty- 
 sixth year; feeble, but cheerful and happy, wait- 
 ing for the coming" of the Lord Jesus. 
 
 November 18. — ^Day before yesterday, a telegram 
 informed me of the death . of a much beloved 
 brother minister — yea, more than a brother, a son 
 in the Gospel — the Eev. John Kennady. In 1821, 
 he was awakened on New- Year's day, in the old 
 John St. church, New York, while I was preach- 
 
340 JOURNAL. 
 
 ing, I took Wm into the ch\ircli, and afterwards 
 married him to his now sorrowing widow. He 
 has been a very popular preacher for about forty 
 years. He was striclcen down in the pulpit with 
 apoplexy, while preaching, and survived only a few 
 days. The funeral services were attended in the 
 "Washington . St. church, Brooklyn. Bishop Janes 
 delivered the funeral discourse, and I added a few 
 words. The entire service was very solemn and 
 affecting. 
 
 December 12. — "Went to Brooklyn to attend a 
 Ee-union meeting of pastors and members of the 
 Centenary church. This church was dedicated by 
 Bishop Soule in 1840. But few of the first mem- 
 bers' are now living; and of the pastors, only three 
 besides myself are still in the work. On Sunday 
 I preached from 1 Peter, i. 8. Grod was pleased 
 to give me great freedom and liberty of speech. 
 He blessed the people, and my own soul also was 
 refreshed. In the afternoon we had a general 
 Love-feast, and a blessed good one it was. Heav- 
 enly love filled the souls of the dear children of 
 God, and many spoke with much power. The 
 day was stormy, but the attendance was good. 
 Several pastors of adjoining churches were pres- 
 ent and took part in the exercises. In the even- 
 ing, Bro. luskip preached a rousing sermon to a 
 crowded house. Two professed conversion in tlie 
 prayer-meeting that followed, and quite a number 
 rose for prayers, at the close of the meeting. 
 
 January 1. — My heart is oppressed. I do not 
 
1863—1865. 341 
 
 feel that liberty and nearness to God I so much 
 desire. " Why art thou cast down, my soul, and 
 why ai't thou so disquieted within me ? Hope thou 
 in God, for I shall yet praise Him." 
 
 January 11. — Feel as comfortable after yester- 
 day's hard labor as could be expected. God gave 
 me one soul last evening, and one on the evening 
 of the 3rd. This is the richest reward a minister 
 can have for his labors — the salvation of souls. 
 
 Janvary 13. — My wife is very sick, but we hope 
 she may recover. Such is her age and feebleness, 
 we can hardly expect to live together here much 
 longer. We were united in holy wedlock August 
 20th, 1811; so, we have lived together fifty-two 
 years, four months, and fourteen days. We have 
 had ten children — six are in heaven, the remain- 
 ing four are all members of the Methodist • 
 church. But this terrible war divides us. Two 
 are in the South, and two with us. O, may we all 
 meet in heaven ! 
 
 January 22. — ^Finished reading Strickland's "Pi- 
 oneer Bishop." Asbury was a wonderful man — a 
 man for the times. Where are any like-minded 
 to be found? What would our young men say to, 
 traveling five thousand miles a year on horseback, 
 with a salary of eighty dollars, and all their library 
 in a pair of saddle-bags ! What would those poor 
 fellows do, who must write and read their sermons 
 or they cannot preach at all, if they had to eat, 
 read, write, sleep and preach, all in the same 
 room ! I saw Bishop Asbury once in Albany, at 
 
342 JOURNAL. 
 
 the last New York Conference he attended. I was 
 received on li-ial at that Conference, and my two 
 brothers, Joseph and John, were ordained deacons. 
 He was then a venerable man. I shall never fof- 
 get how he prayed Grod to keep the Methodist 
 church from conforming to other churches. Alas ! 
 for us, we are fast going after them. I fear we 
 are losing the spirit of self-denial, seeking the fat- 
 test stations, reading sermons, making bargains 
 Avith the people before Conference, and shunning 
 labor. We must have all things well prepared for 
 us ; a good church, a good parsonage, a good sala- 
 ry, or we will not go. If we go, it is grumblingly, 
 instead of cheerfully enduring hardness as good 
 soldiers of Jesus ; -building churches and parson- 
 ages, and gathering congregations by visiting from 
 house to house; praying, exhorting, and saving sin- 
 ners. As things are now shaping, the Itineracy 
 cannot long continue. I have no new way to 
 heaven ; no new way of saving souls. I must go 
 oti in the old way, and inquire for the old paths. 
 
 February 2. — Started early, and rode fourteen 
 miles in a wagon, over a rough road ; then took 
 the cars and arrived home about two o'clock — 
 found wife more comfortable. 
 
 February 6. — Spent the greater part of last week 
 with my sick wife. Came to Middletown to-day, 
 and held Quarterly Conference. ' Here is our Wes- 
 leyan University,' and many of the young men 
 are professors of religion and local preachers. 
 But the official brethren are not as careful as they 
 
1863—1865. 313 
 
 should be iu giving license to preach, to these 
 young men. 
 
 Is there not danger of losing our regard for 
 Methodist usages? Is the fault in preachers, or 
 people ? Little by little we slide away from the 
 old paths. The Discipline is little read and less 
 enforced: thus we are gradually undermining the 
 foundations; and unless we reform, the super- 
 structure will fall to the ground. 
 
 April 4. — Returned home to prepare for Confer- 
 ence. Thus one moi'e year's work on the District 
 is done. How good God has been to me ! I have 
 enjoyed good health all the year, and have attend- 
 ed all my appointments without interruption. 
 The state of religion is more promising now that^ 
 last year; but our country is in a terrible condition, 
 O God, we look to Thee ! Have mercy upon us ! 
 
 The kingdom of Israel lasted two hundred and 
 fifty-four years from its separation from Juda.h, in 
 the reign of Rehoboam, to its destruction under 
 Hoshea, by Shalmanezar, King of Assyria. It had 
 seven distinct dynasties from Jeroboam to Hoshea, 
 but never had one pious king. 
 
 Politics drove Jeroboam from the worship of the 
 true God. For politics he sold himself and his 
 whole people to the devil. In the present horrible 
 war, politicians would rather see their country ru- 
 ined than their party defeated. They cry " loyal- 
 ty," " loyalty," but would not have the war cease 
 on any account. They sell their country, send 
 hundreds of thousands to bloody graves, make 
 
344 JOURNAL. 
 
 myriads of widows and orphans, to enrich them- 
 selves. 
 
 The kingdom of Judah fell, after it had existed 
 four hundred and sixty-seven years from the death 
 of Saul, its first king ; five hundred and eighty- 
 eight years before the birth of Jesus Christ, and 
 one hundred sixty-six years after the founding of 
 Eome. Zedekiah was its last king. What a his- 
 tory does this kingdom present! It had several 
 good kings. While they served God, He protected 
 them against all their enemies ; but when they for- 
 sook God, He forsook them. So it will be with 
 any man or any nation. 
 
 April 15. — My Birth-day. Seventy-four years of 
 {ige. Few and evil have been the days of the years 
 of my pilgrimage ; yet grace, mercy, and goodness 
 have followed me all my life. Forty-nine years 
 have been spent in the Itinerant ministry. I have, 
 thank God, never sought my own ease or glory. 
 I never, but once, intimated where I thought I 
 ought to labor. Twice, I have been justly grieved 
 -with my appointments. I never endeavored to in- 
 fluence an estimating committee in fixing my sala- 
 r^'^, but once — then I told them their estimate was 
 too high. I dreaded large salaries, lest men miglit 
 enter the ministry for gain, and its power and 
 purity be lost. 
 
 At Conference, I was returned to the New Ha- 
 ven District. This may be my last appointment ; 
 though, thanks to my Heavenly Father, I feel as 
 vigorous and as willing to work as ever. But I 
 
1863—1865. 345 
 
 live by the day, making little calculation for the 
 , future. how I adore and love my Saviour, Je- 
 sus Christ ! I owe all to Him. He is my all. If 
 r suffer with Him, I shall also reign with Him. 
 
 I have the misfortune (if it is a misfortune) to 
 differ from the niajority of my Conference in ret- 
 erence to church and state policy ; so I am a rep- 
 robate in regard to their gifts. I am content. I 
 cannot sacrifice principle to gain favor. 
 
 A perfect hurricane is now passing over us, but 
 better days will come, I trust. At any rate, in 
 Heaven we shall find rest. There is a Day of Judg- 
 ment coming, when every man shall receive ac- 
 cording to his works. 
 
 April 17. — I did not preach to-day, but heard 
 two sermons^a treat I have not enjoyed in a 
 whole year. 
 
 May 16. — Have bepn absent a week — traveled 
 about one hundred miles, preached eight sermons, 
 held two Love-feasts and five Quarterly Confer- 
 ences, and am in better health than when I left. 
 How good is the Lord! My soul! humble thy- 
 self in the dust before Him. 
 
 May 25. — Attended the funeral of my beloved 
 ■sister-in-law, the widow of my brother M"athan. 
 "She died in much peace. I shall soon follow. 
 God grant I may be ready ! 
 
 May 30. — Home again for several days. I am 
 making garden. To have vegetables, you must 
 hoe and dig, and keep down the weeds. So, in 
 religion we must constantly cultivate the graces of 
 
346 JODKNAL. 
 
 the Spirit, or the roots of bitterness will spring up 
 and trouble us 
 
 Take the parable of the " Talents " — what made 
 the men to differ, when the proprietor came to 
 reckon with them ? There was no intrinsic differ- 
 ence in the talents ; there was no difference in the 
 time and opportunity for improvement. It was 
 not the number of the talents : the man with the 
 one, was not required to bring the product of five. 
 What then made the difference? The first two 
 improved what was given them ; the other neg- 
 lected his trust. He did not throw it away nor 
 waste it; he buried it, when he should have put it 
 to proper use. God gives to every man as it pleas- 
 eth Him, and then demands a right use of what 
 He gives. Man's condemnation will be founded 
 on neglect, and be in proportion to the blessings 
 neglected. 
 
 August 8. — Por a whole week I have been ill. 
 Weak and weary I have traveled on; but have 
 not preached until yesterday, the brethren kindly 
 doing the preaching for me. ■ But yesterday I de- 
 termined to take a full dose, divided into three 
 parts. In the morning, Love-feast, preaching and 
 Sacrament; then a ride of seven miles in an open 
 wagon, under a hot sun : this was the first part. 
 In the afternoon, preached, administered the Sac- 
 rament and held Quarterly Conference: this was 
 the second part. Then rode seven miles further 
 through the sweltering heat, preached and admin- 
 istered the Sacranfent, and rode two miles to lodge. 
 
1863—1865. 347 
 
 I have thus taken the entire dose, and ara cured. 
 I awoke at four o'clock this morning, rode nine- 
 teen miles, and reached home feehng quite well, 
 yet weak. I have now a three days' rest. 
 
 My dear wife is failing rapidly. O, God ! sanc- 
 tify all Thy dealings to our good. 
 
 August 16. — ^Yesterdaj^ left home for Camp- 
 meeting at Plainville. Fine weather and a blessed 
 (good day. Heard three appropriate sermons, and 
 gave three exhortations. 
 
 Augwst 17. — Made arrangements for the day, but 
 hearing my wife was not as well, I left for home, 
 and found her much worse. 
 
 August 20. — On "Wednesday, I returned to the 
 Camp-meeting to make arrangements for my Quar- 
 terly-meetings over the Sabbath, that I might re- 
 main at home with my wife. The brethren kindly 
 consented to fill my appointments, and I returned 
 yesterday morning; but my dear wife had expired 
 about ten minutes before my arrival. 
 
 The doctor had told me she could not live long, 
 but I had not thought she could pass away so soon. 
 0, how it grieved my heart that I was not with 
 her! She foil asleep in Jesus like a child in its 
 mother's arms. She has suffered much and long, 
 but is now at rest. She loved the church, the 
 prayer and class-meeting, and always attended to 
 family worship in my absence. She has been a 
 faithful companion in all my travels, and never 
 embarrassed me in the performance of my itiner- 
 ant duties 
 
348 JOURNAL. 
 
 It is fifty-three years this day since we were 
 married. How lonely I am! But I rejoice in 
 hope. I cannot he far hehind her. I feel, if pos- 
 sible, more than ever like living for God and 
 Heaven. My faith in Jesus, and in His holy relig- 
 ion, is strong this day. We shall meet again. 
 
 Augitst 21. — A sad day for me, but it is her first 
 Sabbath in Heaven — a Sabbath begun, never to 
 end. A great loss to me, but great gain to her. 
 
 August 22. — This day committed the body of my 
 dear wife to the grave. "Earth to earth, ashes to 
 ashes, dust to dust " ; there to rest until the dead 
 shfill be raised incorruptible, at the voice of the 
 Archangel and. the trump of God, when it shall 
 come forth like His glorious body. 
 
 She looked very natural and lovely in her nar- 
 row house. Gone to be with Jesus ! Shall " I 
 grudge her to Him? No, no; I am lonely, but 
 He has a higher claim than I. Farewell, until we 
 meet at the resurrection of the just! 
 
 August 26. — I am deeply affected by the kind- 
 ness of my brethren, especially, the Rev. John E. 
 Searles, through, whose agency it was done. He 
 brought me the bill for the expenses of my wife's 
 funeral, receipted in full. God bless him, and the 
 generous donors ! Such friendship is sweet to the 
 Christian heart. 
 
 August 27. — My children, from constant nursing 
 and watching with their dear mother during her 
 sickness, need rest and change. I think it my 
 duty to take them into the country, and have made 
 
1863—1865. 349 
 
 • 
 
 arrangements to be absent one week. "We shut 
 up the house, and start to-morrow for a trip over 
 the Catskill mountains. I have a sister living 
 there. "We are all that are now left of my honored 
 father's large family of fourteen children. My 
 wife was the last of her father's family of ten cliil- 
 dren. 
 
 My dear ones are mostly in Heaven before me. 
 I am sad and cast down, but not destroyed. 
 ' September 7. — Returned last evening from my 
 trip over the mountains, leaving my daughters for 
 a longer stay. I found my only sister alive and 
 well, waiting for the coming of her Lord. "We 
 shall probably, never see each other, again till we 
 meet in Heaven. 
 
 October 5. — I am lonely. My only solace is the 
 Throne of Grace : thither I flee as my only refuge. 
 
 My temporal aiFairs are not what I desire. By 
 the fault of others I am in debt, and it troubles 
 me. By the blessing of God I have educated a 
 large family of children without debt, and without 
 hindering my ministerial and itinerant labors; but 
 now in my old age, when almost unfit for further 
 toil, I am burdened with cares. But I wait the 
 openings of Providence. Lord, give me Thy sup- 
 port! 
 
 January B.^This is called the " week of prayer." 
 All denominations unite, and meet in the different 
 churches. This evening, not having any appoint- 
 ment of my own, I attended. There were three 
 short prayers, an account of the Missionary work 
 
350 JOTJKNAIi. 
 
 of the Baptist cliurch, and an exhortation. The 
 church was well filled, and a Christian spirit pre- 
 vailed. 0, we need prayer, mighty prayer, and a 
 holy struggling with God for the outpouring of 
 the Holy Spirit. 
 
 Heaven is a place. So it is everywhere repre- 
 sented in the Bible. Jesus says : In my Father's 
 house are many mansions, I go to prepare a place 
 for you; that where I am, ye may be also. John 
 xiv. 2, 3. 
 
 To show what kind of place it is, it is represent- 
 ed as a City — a City which hath found9,tion — whose 
 Builder and Maker is God. It must, therefore, be 
 worthy of its Divine Architect. No conception 
 can be formed of its magnificence. It is represent- 
 ed as a City of gold; houses of gold, streets paved 
 with gold, walls of jasper, and gates of pearl. 
 
 Its size. According to the measurement of the 
 angel, it is fifteen hundred' miles long, fifteen hun- 
 dred miles wide, and fifteen hundred miles high. 
 What a prodigious number of apartments there 
 must be in each of these golden mansions ! 
 
 The inhabitants of the place. They are called a 
 family. "We may divide the family into two classes. 
 1. The Aborigines of Heaven are the Angels. 
 These are numerous, but their number is fixed — 
 without increase. 2. The Emigrants who have all 
 come from Earth — they are men and women saved 
 by grace, and infants. More than one half were 
 brought here in infancy, to be educated in Heaven. 
 
1863—1865. 351 
 
 The honorable position of these classes. They 
 are round about the Throne: that is, they form 
 circles, and the inmost circle is assigned to the 
 " elders :" showing that the Redeemed in Heaven 
 have a more honorable place before the Throne 
 than the angels. 
 
 The inhabitants of Heaven are unlike the inhab- 
 itaiits of any other city or country. No matter 
 what land they come from, or what language they 
 once used, now, they all speak one language and 
 one sentiment ! There is, therefore, no misunder- 
 standing among them, but perfect harmony and 
 agreement. 
 
 They are dressed in uniform — all robed in white. 
 Not a spot on one of their garments, showing us 
 that they have no sin inward nor outward. Once 
 they were black with sin, but Jesus has washed 
 them in His own blood, and by His own Eternal 
 Spirit has cleansed away all their filthiness. 
 
 Heaven abounds in the most excellent produc- 
 tions. Its rivers are wide, deep and clear. Its 
 trees are all fruit-bearing trees, and the fruit ripens 
 every month. Its climate and atmosphere are so 
 pure that none of its inhabitants are ever sick, and 
 none of them ever die. The soil is self-producing 
 and self-sustaining, so that no manual labor is re- 
 quired of its inhabitants. Indeed, so perfectly 
 satisfying is the first draught of its w'aterg, and the 
 first taste of its fruits, that the inhabitants never 
 thirst nor hunger afterwards. So perfect is their 
 rest, that they never grow weary, therefore never 
 need sleep nor night. 
 
1865-1867. 
 
 Methodism in New Haven. — "All is Well that God Sends." — 
 Bather dear Honors. — Appointed to New York East District. — 
 Assassination of President Lincoln. — Rest and Recreation. — 
 Second Avenue and Beekman Hill. — A Memher of the Missionary 
 Board. — Death of Rev. J. B. Hagany. — New York Preachers' 
 Meeting. — Surplus in the Missionary Treasury — At Mamaroneck; 
 "Home with Bro. Stiles." — Temperance and Politico — Extreme 
 Cold and E.xposure. — Funeral of Mrs. F. W. Smith. — Cowper's 
 Homer. — A Tedious Day. — Conference at Brooklyn ; a Criticism. 
 — Returned to the New York East District. — The Body Sick, the 
 Soul Saved. — A Visit from his Daughter E. — Advice to Preachera 
 and People. 
 
 jlUNDAY, January 8. — A day of labor, but 
 a blessed good day to my soul. Preached 
 twice in l^ew Haven, and once in Fair 
 Haven. This ends my official worlc in this city. 
 I have been their stationed pastor seven years, and 
 their Presiding Elder ten years. I have seen them 
 increase from a few to a multitude. They had 
 but one church in the town when I first came 
 among them ; now they have five. 
 
 My labors yesterday brought on an old complaint 
 from which I have been free for eighteen months. 
 God of love, give me patience, while the old tab- 
 ernacle is breaking down. I am Thine, living or 
 dying. I must work while the day lasts. 
 
 March 19. — Love-feast in the morning at nine 
 o'clock. God was there and blessed His people. 
 At ten, preached from Eph. v. 1. God gave me 
 unusual liberty, and owned His word. The people 
 
1865—1867. 353 
 
 thought it was one of the best Quarterly Meetings 
 they had ever enjoyed. Eode three miles and 
 preached in the Congregational church, by request 
 of the pastor. The congregation was large, and 
 the Lord helped me. 
 
 March 20. — Slept soundly — up at five, took the 
 stage and returned home. Have been troubled 
 with rheumatic pains ; but all is- well that God 
 sends. Found all well, and a house full of visitors. 
 0, how I miss my dear wife! Patience — give 
 me patience ! God is good ; glory to His l^ame ! 
 
 April 3. — I have now finished my four years of 
 hard labor on this District, and leave it in peace 
 and prosperity. I have been treated with great 
 kindness by the people and preachers. The war 
 has raged the whole time, and we have not wit- 
 nessed the spiritual growth we have desired ; but 
 still our labor has not been in vain in the Lord. 
 
 My expenses, beyond my allowance, have been 
 over three hundred dollars each year; so I have 
 paid, in the four years, twelve hundred dollars for 
 the support of the Presiding Elder ! Eather dear 
 honors ! 
 
 April 12. — Conference is over. "We had a short 
 and pleasant session. The surrender of Lee and 
 his army, without the shedding of any more blood, 
 produced great joy. 
 
 The I^ew York District is my field of labor for 
 the coming year. Lord help me ! 
 
 April 15. — The President of the United States 
 has been assassinated, and the assassin has escaped! - 
 
354 JOURNAL. 
 
 This awful event has filled the natioa with sorrow. 
 "What will be the end ! Oar poor bleeding country ! 
 
 April 16. — Preached in Green St. church, New 
 York. The whole city is in mourning, almost 
 every house is draped with emblems of grief. 
 
 April 19. — Mr. Lincoln is buried to-day. Busi- 
 ness is suspended, churches open, bells tolling, 
 guns firing, flags at half mast. Never in this land 
 was such a day of universal sorrow. 
 
 "What course will now be taken by the new 
 President, God only knows. "We hope for the best. 
 But our country is in a terrible condition. Some 
 cry for vengeance — the entire destruction of the 
 South. Some are for milder measures. The people 
 are the strength of a country. To destroy them is 
 to weaken our own hands. I hope wise, Christian 
 counsels will prevail. 
 
 May 6. — To-day, entered upon my regular work, 
 after two weeks of rest — an unusual thing for me. 
 
 - May 13. — Have spent four days pleasantly with 
 my family, and in making garden. I have put my 
 seeds into the ground, and now look to Providence 
 for the increase. 
 
 June 11. — Visited two appointments which I 
 started five years ago — one with six persons, the 
 other with one female, and a few Sunday School 
 children. Now they have at Second Avenue, a 
 fine church, good congregation, and a flourishing 
 Sunday School. In the evening came down to 
 Fiftieth Street, called " Beekman Hill," from the 
 original owner of the estate. Here they have made 
 
1865—1867. 355 
 
 a fine beginning. The main cliurcli edifice is not 
 yet built, but they have a fine chapel worth now 
 $ 30.000. God bless them ! I shared the hospital- 
 ities of my dear friend Bro. Dunscombe, and the 
 amiable family of his father-in-law. 
 
 June 15. — Attended a pleasant Strawberry Fes- 
 tival in the home of Bro. Oliver Hoyt, my good 
 friend in Stamford. He makes it annually for his 
 Sunday School 
 
 June 21. — Attended the meeting of the Mission- 
 ary Board: I had been an active, punctual mem- 
 ber of the Board since 1821 ; but five years since 
 they left me oflf the roll. I was too troublesome 
 to some, because I wished them to spend more 
 money at Home, and less on Foreign Missions. 
 But a vacancy occurring, they again elected me 
 one of the Vice-Presidents. 
 
 June 27. — This day one of our strong men sud- 
 denly fell into the arms of death. Bev. J. B. Ha- 
 gany, as he sat at his desk writing, fell back in his 
 chair, and died without a word. Lord, help me 
 to be ready ! 
 
 July 19. — ^Eleven months this day since my dear 
 wife took her leave of earth, and went up to Heaven. 
 O, may I be ready to follow her to the better land ! 
 
 • Septemher 23. — Quarterly Meeting at . How 
 
 can preachers content themselves with empty seats ! 
 
 September 25. — Attended the Preacher's Meeting. 
 An interesting debate on the question : " "Why the 
 same power does not attend our preaching, as at- 
 tended that of the fathers ?" The plain reason is, 
 
356 JOURNAL. 
 
 loe do not possess the power. We have more of the 
 man, and less of God. "We expect to convert sinners 
 by logic, and not by the power of the Holy Ghost. 
 Lord, have mercy upon us ! 
 
 October 9. — ^I never saw such a preachers' meet- 
 ing as we had to-day. It was a glorious meeting. 
 If such a spirit prevails, and spreads among the 
 preachers, I shall look for such a revival as we 
 have not seen for years. In one church, sixty were 
 said to have been converted in one day ! 
 
 October 18. — Attended the meeting of the Mis- 
 sionary Board. A very remarkable circumstance : 
 instead of being in debt, the Treasurer has more 
 than $300,000 on hand! So wonderfully do our 
 people respond to the calls of benevolence. Hasten 
 the day, Jesus, when the whole world shall be 
 filled with Thy glory ! 
 
 December 25. — Came home for a Christmas din- 
 ner with my children. Rather dreary holidays: 
 no wife, no service in our churches. I am. sad — 
 cast down ; but not quite destroyed. 
 
 December 29. — Quarterly-meeting at Mamaro- 
 neck, God has greatly blessed this people with 
 temporal and spiritual mercies. They have be- 
 come wealthy, and at the same time are liberal ; 
 and, best of all, keep the power as well as the form 
 of religion. After meeting, rode home with Bro. 
 Stiles. He is one of God's noblemen. God bless 
 him and his ! 
 
 January 1, 18G6. — Up early — leave" the compli- 
 ments of the season, and start for home, arrive 
 
1865-1867. 357 
 
 safely, and find all well. Spent the rest of the day 
 with my dear children. 
 
 In the evening attended a Temperance meeting. 
 Considerable smoke, hut not mnich fire. I love 
 the cause of Temperance, and was the first to 
 begin the battle in this State. I had almost every 
 body against me — ministers, church members, 
 rum-sellers, rum-drinkers, and politicians. It went 
 on well for a number of years, until they carried it 
 into politics ; then, down it went. I learned this : 
 that when ministers ' undertake to guide politics, 
 they make bad work of it ; and when the State 
 and politicians undertake to reform the morals, 
 and guide the religion of the people, they make 
 bad work of it, too. Every man attend to his own 
 proper work and calling, is my theory. 
 
 January 8. — To-day is said to be the coldest, 
 except two, in eighty-seven years. Yesterday I 
 preached in the morning, and then braved the; 
 north-easi; wind, and crossed the water from City 
 Island, in an open boat. The spray dashed upon 
 us, freezing as it fell. Wind and tide were against 
 us ; but we finally landed safely, rode three miles' 
 before we reached a fire ; warmed ourselves and 
 lunched, and then rode two miles further to attend 
 the dedication of a German church at Mt. Vernon. 
 The sermon was preached by Bishop Janes, and 
 we raised money enough to pay ofl" the entire debt, 
 This morning started early for home ; but 0, 
 how cold ! Men came into the depot with frozen 
 noses, ears .and cheeks. I went to New York and 
 
358 joue's"al 
 
 attended the funeral of the wife of a brother min- 
 ister ;" then started for my evening appointment, 
 but the cold was po interiso that I feared to ride in 
 an open wagon five or six miles ; so I kept on 
 home in the cars, where I arrived, through God's 
 mercy, without having been frozen. 
 
 Wednesday, 31. — Went more than twenty miles 
 to-day, to attend the funeral of an old friend, the 
 wife of Bro. F. W. Smith. She was a good 
 woman, and died in great peace. A number of 
 ministers were present, and a large audience assem- 
 bled at the church. I addressed them. It was a 
 solemn and melting time. So we go.- My turn 
 will soon come. I have nothing to plead, but 
 Jesus died for me. 
 
 February 27. — Have been reading, lately, Cow- 
 per's Translation of Homer. It is surprising to 
 see with what reverence the heathen regarded 
 their gods ; yet they were of like passions with 
 themselves. They confidently believed in the ex- 
 istence of souls, and the identity of men after death; 
 but they had no idea of the resurrection of the 
 body, or of an eternal, self-existing God : these are 
 subjects of a Divine Revelation. They knew 
 nothing of any .way of pardon for sin, or of salva- 
 tion from sin. This knowledge comes only by the 
 Gospel of Jesus Christ. 
 
 March 25. — ^A stormy day. "Went through snow 
 and mud, and preached in the morning — then to 
 Upper^New Rochelle in the afternoon. Few out, 
 but God was present. Rodo to New 'Rochelle, 
 
1865—1867. 35y 
 
 and preached in the evening. A most tedious day. 
 Slept but little, yet rose in the morning in good 
 spirits ; went to New York and attended Preacher's 
 Meeting — returned to New Rochelle and held 
 Quarterly Conference in the evening. How won- 
 derfully the good Lord sustains me ! 
 
 March 28. — Preached at West Chapel St. Mission 
 in New Haven — the nucleus, I hope, of a new 
 church. 
 
 March 30. — State Fast, and Good Friday. Heard 
 Bro. S. read a very good sermon ; but I do not 
 call reading, preaching. 
 
 April 4. — Our annual Conference commenced 
 its session in the Washington St. church, Brook- 
 lyn, Bishop Scott presiding. Some things were 
 done in the Conference which I think were un- 
 becoming a body of clergymen: stamping with 
 the feet, and clapping the hands to express appro- 
 bation of sentiments of a strictly partizan character. 
 
 April 21. — I am returned to the New York Dis- 
 trict, and commence my labors with Quarterly 
 Conference at John St. church. I am almost worn 
 out with constant fatigue, but try to keep going. 
 
 Sunday, July i. — A day of labor. Rode seven- 
 teen miles, preached three times, held one Lbve- 
 feafst, two Quarterly Conferences, and administered 
 the Lord's Supper. When all was ended, felt as 
 fresh as in the morning. So kindly does my 
 Heavenly Father deal with me. His unworthy ser- 
 vant. It was, upon the whole, a time of power. 
 I had unusual liberty all day ; my heart was happy 
 
360 JOURNAL. 
 
 in God. I awoke in the night to praise Him. 
 
 July 18. — The great labor and intense heat of 
 the last few days have had their effect upon my 
 body, and I have been quite unwell. On Saturday 
 went to New York, hoping to be able to meet my 
 appointments; but at night was smitten with 
 cholera-morbus. I was very sick; but everything 
 that kindness could dictate was d^qne by Brother 
 and Sister Brown ; to little purpose, however, as 
 I grew worse, until Friday, when they helped me 
 to the cars, and I arrived home without serious 
 inconvenience. My excellent Doctor Poote, under 
 the blessing of God, arrested the disease. But I 
 am very weak, and obliged to keep the house, and 
 pray and worship at home. My sickness has done 
 me good. Some of the time 1 have been very 
 happy, and could praise God with a full soul. My 
 coniideuce was childlike ; I could fully trust my- 
 self in the hands of my long-suffering Saviour. I 
 am saved ; I feel it. What a wonder ! Such a 
 sinner, such a salvation, such a Saviour ! I 
 thought: Have I now grace to die by? The answer 
 was : No, you do uot need it now ; you are not 
 dying. You have grace to live this moment, that 
 is all you need. how comforting ! My soul 
 rested and was content. " As thy day is, so shall 
 thy strength ever be." 
 
 November 3. — My dear daughter R., from Missis- 
 sippi, has been spending the summer vdth us. 
 This day I accompanied her to the Steamer bound 
 for New Orleans. I fear I have seen her for the 
 
1865—1867. 361 
 
 last time. Poor child ! no one will ever know 
 what she, and others at the South, have suffered 
 during the war, 
 
 December 25. — Christmas — a day I have ever ob- 
 served religiously ; but our own churches are all 
 closed, so I was obliged to worship at St. Paul's 
 Episcopal "Church. 
 
 Our economy of spreading the Gospel by itiner- 
 ant preaching is peculiar to the M. E. Church. 
 !No other denomination of Christians, since the 
 days of the Apostles, has adopted this plan. They 
 have their special missions, but ours is a general 
 missionary work. All our preachers, in the regular 
 ministry, nrnst remove their residences once in 
 every three years, except Presiding Elders — and 
 they once in four years. 
 
 Every one must see that such a plan requires 
 mutual patience, forbearance, self-denial, and some- 
 times a sacrifice of interest, both among the people 
 and the preachers. Without this we can never 
 go on harmoniously and efficiently. 
 
 When a preacher is sent among the people, if 
 he shauld not be the man of their choice — for we 
 cannot all have our choice, especially when two or 
 more places choose the same man, as often happens 
 — they should not say, we will not receive him, nor 
 judge him rashly from his first sermon. They 
 should take time. I. Keceive him kindly ; meet 
 him at the boat, or depot ; provide for him and 
 his fximily a suitable repast on their arrival. II. 
 See that a comforta!?le parsonage is provided for 
 
862 JOURNAL. 
 
 their use ; that it is nicely cleaned and furnished, 
 at least with all needful heavy furniture. III. 
 Call upon him with their wives as soon as con- 
 venient. IV. Pray for him. V. Give him a fair, 
 impartial trial. Some men improve very much 
 upon acquaintance. They may be much better 
 pleased with their pastor at the end of the year, 
 than they were at the beginning. VI. Work with 
 him in the prayer-meeting and in the Sabbath 
 School; introduce him among the brethren, and 
 the congregation. VII. They should speak as 
 •well of him to others as they can in truth ; and if 
 they can say nothing good, say nothing at all. 
 One unkind word may create a prejudice that 
 would destroy, or very much lessen his usefulness. 
 VIII. Let the Stewards see that a comfortable 
 provision is made for the support of the pastor 
 and his family. They should not delay this, for a 
 preacher needs help, generally, when he first 
 comes to his place, having spent all his ready 
 money in moving. He is among strangers, aud 
 should not get into debt. He should have money 
 to pay down for everything he buys. They should 
 not wait for their pastor to call on them to make 
 his wants known. He has, or ought to have, too 
 much delicacy for this. They should make suita- 
 ble inquiries about his wants, and do this when he 
 •first arrives among them. If they have no church 
 funds in their hands, advance it, or borrow it. It 
 is better for them to borrow, than for the preacher 
 who is a stranger. They should forsee this, aud 
 
1865—1867. 363 
 
 provide funds beforehand. This they might al- 
 ways do, if they would only begin right. Some 
 put ofl' their payments six months, or until nearly 
 the end of the year. This is all wrong. 
 
 They should not do things niggardly nor spar- 
 ingly, as if they grudged the Lord every dollar 
 they gave Him — ^for what is given to Christ's min- 
 isters and to His cause, is given to Him. Let 
 them do things, then, generously, liberally, prompt- 
 ly' — allow their minister to live as well as them- 
 selves, and not attempt to starve him into humility 
 and piety. " Muzzle not the' ox, that treadeth out 
 the corn." If they starve their oxen they cannot 
 plough. "Does God take care for oxen ?" 
 
 One can readily conceive how much a preacher 
 is encouraged by this liberal course of his flock ; 
 and it costs them no more money, even, in the 
 end. Then, should God pour out His Holy Spirit, 
 and convert a hundred souls among the people 
 the first year, 0, how they would love their 
 preacher ! 
 
 The preachers have their trials, I know; but 
 they expected them when they entered the itiner- 
 ancy. If they are patient, and endure unto the 
 end, they shall have their full reward for them all : 
 "for if we sufier with Him, we shall also reign 
 with Him." 
 
 I. When they hear or know of their appoint- 
 ment, they should not say — unless the case be a 
 very peculiar one, for I know all rules have their 
 .exceptions — " I will not go ;" nor speak against the 
 
364 JOURNAL. 
 
 place, the people, nor the Bishop who sent them. 
 n. They should not ask what the church can give 
 for a support, but leave this until they come among 
 the people. A place may be made' better, and be 
 able and willing to do more, before the year is out, 
 than at the beginning of the year. They should 
 go, trusting in that God who feeds the ravens, and 
 makes the lily beautiful. III. They should not 
 consider their being sent to a place as any mark 
 of disrespect or degradation. IV. They should 
 go to their work as soon, and as cheerfully as 
 possible. They can hardly appreciate the good 
 effect produced on a people by the prompt and 
 cheerful appearance of the preacher among them. 
 V. They should be of good courage — manly cour- 
 age — trusting in God ; not gloomy, looking only 
 on the dark side of things. VI. When they arrive 
 among the people they should utter no complaints, 
 and say as little about money for themselves, as 
 possible. They should let the. people see that they 
 are after their souls, and not their money. VII. 
 They should preach, not read, to the people — 
 preach with the Holy Ghost sent down from Heaven 
 — preach into them, into their hearts. VIH. They 
 should be punctual; never be behind the hour 
 appointed at any meeting. Meet all the classes 
 once a quarter. Attend to all the interests of the 
 Sabbath School — the Tract, Bible and Missionary 
 cause. IX. They should devote every morning 
 to reading, writing, praying — in a word, to study. 
 Evei-y afternoon, visit from house to house ; .make 
 
1865—1867. , 365 
 
 themselves acquainted with every family, every 
 man, vroman and child in their charge, as soon as 
 practicable. Notice the children, learn their 
 names, give each a kind w^ord of advice. Visit 
 not as a neighbor merely, but as a pastor. Pray 
 wherever they visit, if allowed. The Shepherd 
 should know his whole flock, every sheep and lamb. 
 X. Should they be sent to a place where there is 
 no church, nor parsonage, stir about, and if possible, 
 build both. If they cannot biiild both, start the 
 church first. Should there be a church and no 
 parsonage, get one built, and sec that it is well 
 furnished with heavy furniture. Should the place 
 be poor and hard, put forth the more strength, 
 and patience, and faith, and love — enrich it, elevate 
 it ; make it fruitful with their toil and labor, their 
 tears and prayers. 
 
 Then the people will see that they are the very 
 men for them, and they will not have to go beg- 
 ging an appointment, or a better one ; for the 
 people will be after them from Dan to Beersheba ! 
 They need not sound their own praises abroad, 
 nor publish how great things they have done or 
 couU do, if they only had a chance. Their works 
 will speak for them with a trumpet tongue, and 
 the best places in the land will be open to their 
 acceptance. 
 
 But, if they are drones, and wish to shun pasto- 
 ral labor, and hard study — read their sermons, and 
 care more for their salary tlian for the souls of 
 their flock, they need not expect the people to 
 
366 JOURNAL. 
 
 petition for them : tlie people do not want them. 
 Let them be miniaters of Christ, men of one busi- 
 ness, wholly given up to the work of saving souls, 
 or return to their former calling. Eternity is just 
 beyond, and Heaven will be a full reward for all 
 the toils of Earth. 
 
1867-1869. 
 
 A Happy Week. — Conference at New Haven. — Fifty-Third 
 Appointment. — North Long Island District. — Seventy-Seventh 
 B^rth-Day. — " Three Pulpit Sweats." — Love for his Master's Work 
 and Wages. — "What the devil took, the Lord restored." — Funeral 
 of John Sudlow. — Crossing the Sound. — Suffering but Resolute. — 
 Heart Discoveries. — " A Tough Tug." — His Last Appointment. — 
 Dedication of " St. John's," Brooklyn. — One Day's Work. — Death 
 of his Daughter R. — •" The Work must be Done. — Advantages of 
 Temperance.^-Meets with ar Serious Accident. — " Too Sick to attend 
 my Appointments." — Death of Schureman Halstead. — Smitten 
 down again with Illness. — Kindness of Bro. E. L. Janes. — " Our 
 Betsey.' — Faint yet Pursuing. — ^Last Official Labors. — A Re- 
 view. — Takes a Superannuated Eelatioti. — Fifty-Four Years of 
 Active Service. — An Unexpected Gift. — Tribute from Rev. Dr. 
 Cnrry. — Resolutions by the Conference. 
 
 AETTARY 4. — This has been a happy week. 
 God has made ray cup to overflow. When 
 I look at my un worthiness, and His good- 
 ness and forbearance, I am lost in wonder, love 
 and praise. All, all, comes through Jesus Christ, 
 my Lord and Saviour. May I be His now and for- 
 ever ! Yesterday visited the pastor of the German 
 church, and baptized his little child. I love very 
 much to baptize little children, because they be- 
 long to Jesus, and He loves them, for they are of 
 His kingdom. / 
 
 April 9. — Conference has just closed. It met in 
 this city, and I had the pleasure of entertaining 
 the Bishop and other preachers. 
 
368 JOURNAL. 
 
 I was appointed Presiding Elder of the North 
 Long Island District. This is the fifty-third ap- 
 pointment I have received from the Bishop. I 
 thought seriously of retiring; but the brethren 
 seemed to think it best for me to continue, and I 
 yielded. 
 
 Ajml 14. — Commenced my labors on the Dis- 
 trict by preaching in De Kalb Avenue church, 
 Brooklyn. In' the afternoon administeredthe Sy^- 
 rament to a large number of communicants. 
 
 April 15. — My seventy-seventh birth-day, O 
 how many imperfections mark my past life ! Yet, 
 how long-suffering and kind has my Heavenly Fa- 
 ther been. I am ashamed and humbled before 
 Him. A sinner saved by grace. 
 
 April 25. — ^Laid the corner-stone of a new church 
 on Tompkins Avenue. Took a severe cold, and 
 suffered much with headache and chills. 
 
 April 27. — Not well, but attended Quarterly 
 Conference at Carlton Avenue, and lodged with 
 my dear friend Brother John "W. Hartt. 
 
 April 28. — Took three pulpit sweats, and felt 
 better. 
 
 April 30. — Keturned home yesterday, slept sweet- 
 ly, and awoke with the name of Jesus on my lips, 
 and love and gratitude in my heart. 
 
 It takes me about an hour and a half to go from 
 the upper part of Brooklyn to the New Haven De- 
 pot in New York. Living so far from' my District 
 makes me much travel ; but I cannot well change 
 my residence. Both preachers and people have 
 
1867—1869. 369 
 
 received me with much cordiality and friendship. 
 God is very good. To His name be the praise ! 
 
 June 11. — I love my Master's work and wages 
 as well as I ever did. I am wonderfully sustained. 
 O how unworthy to be so cared for by my precious 
 Saviour. "Why am I thus spared, while younger 
 and more holy men are taken? God knows best. 
 
 September 6. — Took passage on board the steam- 
 er Continental for K'ew York. During the night 
 was robbed of my watch, and all the money I had 
 with me. Thank God they could not steal my 
 faith ! 
 
 September 9. — Three sermons, on-e Love-feast, 
 one Quarterly Conference, and one Communion 
 service — rode ten miles, and w;as no more weary 
 than when I commenced in the morning. O how 
 kindly the Lord treats me. I seldom have more 
 liberty in preaching than He gave me yesterday. 
 
 Octobef 14:. — A few weeks since I was robbed of 
 my watch and money, and to-day my dear friend 
 G. I. Seney, with some others, presented me with 
 more money than I lost, and a fine gold watch in 
 place of my silver one! So what the devil took, 
 the Lord restored, with good interest. God bless 
 those kind friends ! 
 
 October 17. — Attended the funeral of my dear 
 friend John Sudlow. There was a very large at- 
 tendance and the services were deeply interesting, 
 October 18. — In the morning left home for Bridge- 
 port, from whence I crossed the Sound in a little 
 clam-boat. The wind died away, and it was mid- 
 
870 JOURNAL. 
 
 night before we reached the other side — twenty 
 miles across. I never spent a more uncomfortable 
 night; the boat was so small that I could neither 
 stand, sit up straight, nor lie down. I was so stiff 
 in the morning I could hardly walk. At five 
 o'clock I sought the house of the preacher at Stony 
 Brook, who received me kindly. At eight, started 
 for my appointment, weaiy enough. 
 
 October 20. — Lovefeast at nine ; at ten, preached 
 from Romans iv. 25. God owned the word. Ad- 
 ndnistered the Lord's Supper — rode five miles, and 
 preached at three o'clock; then held Q. Confer- 
 ence, rode five miles, and preached again — held Q. 
 Conference, and felt better at the close of the day 
 than at the beginning. 
 
 January 14. — Returned home. The weather is 
 extremely cold ; it affects me more than formerly, 
 yet I go forward, trusting in the Lord. 
 
 Fehruury 18. — To-day was seized with -such pain 
 in my right knee that I can scarcely walk. Am 
 obliged most of the time to lie on my back. "What 
 is to come I know not, but tli'j will of the Lord be 
 done. I am His, in pain or ease, life or death. 
 By His grace assisting me I will not complain. 
 
 February 21. — This day the Lord has shone more 
 clearly into my heart, and what a discovery is 
 made ! Though, through grace, I endeavor to walk 
 circumspectly and keep a watch over my tongue, 
 that my conversation shall not offend ; yet I see so 
 many imperfections in my heart, I feel myself ut- 
 terly unworthy. What avails negative righteous- 
 
1867—1869. 371 
 
 ness, unless the whole heart is holiness to the Lord. 
 God ! my only refuge is Thy grace ; my only 
 covering is the Blood of Sprinkling. Without an 
 Almighty Christ, I am lost. O, who that has a cor- 
 rect view of sin and of himself, would deny the Di- 
 vinity of Jesus Christ, and the Atonement of His 
 precious blood. He is my Saviour. He loved me 
 and died for me. He is my all ; I will trust in 
 Him. He will take away all my sins, and cover 
 all my imperfections. This is all my hope. My 
 prayer shall be unto the Father through Him. 
 
 Five times, each day, do I bow my knee in se- 
 cret before His throne, and cry for mercy. Lord, 
 help me a poor sinner — save, now, I beseech Thee. 
 
 March 2. — Terrible storm of snow, sleet and rain. 
 Started early and wallowed through the snow- 
 banks, covered with sleet, shout a mile to the 
 cars. A tough tua; it was, but the Lord strenffth- 
 enedme.- After several delays from snowbanks 
 we arrived in New York. Here the snow was 
 worse than in the country.— streets blocked, no 
 cars running. Trudged along, as best I 30uld, 
 from Thirty-Fourth Street Ferry to the Depot at 
 , Twenty-Seventh Street. Took the cars and arrived 
 home about three in the afternoon. A day of 
 hard toil. Thanks to my gracious God, found all 
 well at home. 
 
 A]pril 13. — Conference is over, and I am returned 
 to my old charge. Lord, help me, or I fail ! 
 
 Ajpril 23. — Dedication of Si. John's Church — a 
 splendid edifice, complete in every part. May 
 
372 JOURNAL. 
 
 God fill it with his glory. The District is in a 
 promisiag state, religiously and financially. 
 
 May 24. — The Lord gave us a good day. Show- 
 ers of rahi without, and of grace within ; the earth 
 and souls were watered. Three sermons, two 
 Quarterly Conferences, one Sacrament, and a 
 ride of twelve miles, completed the day. 
 
 June 4. — To-day learned of the death of my daugh- 
 ter E, — , living in Mississippi : a dear, good child. 
 She gave her heart to Christ in her girlhood, and 
 never looked back. Her death was sudden but 
 peaceful. Heaven is now her home. There are 
 gathered the mother and seven of the children. 
 
 July 12. — The heat is oppressive, but the work 
 must be done. Three sermons, three Quarterly 
 Conferences, one Lovefeast, and a ride of eleven 
 miles in an open wagon, under the hot sun, made 
 up the day; and a good day it was. Glory to His 
 holy Name, that I am permitted to labor for Jesus 
 and souls. 
 
 July 16. — The week past has been the hottest 
 known for years. Many have died from the ef- 
 fects of the heat ; but I believe true temperance 
 people have little to fear. Intemperance will 
 bring its own sorrow; but let beer, whisky, 
 brandy, wine, and too much ice-water alone, and 
 you can brave the sun. 
 
 August 5. — Have labored hard, but felt well until 
 Saturday, July 25th, when I was thrown to the 
 pavement while stepping from the horse-cars in 
 Brooklyn, and very badly hurt. Thauk God it 
 
1867—1869. 373 
 
 was no worse. Lord, help me ! I do love Thee. 
 Thou knowest it is in my heart to do and suffer 
 all Thy will. Thou hast seen best in many ways 
 to afflict me, but not more than I deserve : there- 
 fore I will praise Thy holy Name, and patiently 
 await my deliverance, and my reward. 
 
 August. 28 — Left for Amityville.; on the way 
 was taken ill — this is the third attack of illness 
 within a few weeks. 
 
 August 29. — A night of sickness and pain — worse 
 in the morning, and too sick to attend my appoint- 
 ments. The preacher, Bro. Landon, thought I 
 had better return home, and kindly consented to 
 take my yilace. They brought me to the cars, and 
 I arrived home safely about midnight, though 
 completely exhausted. 
 
 September 1. — Much better, but weak and good 
 for nothing. Well, iTI am to be laid aside, so be 
 it. I am not my own. The Lord knows I am 
 willing to work when I am able. He can do with- 
 out me. 
 
 September 13. — Have been confined to the house 
 until yesterday, when I returned to my appoint- 
 ment. To-day have preached twice, administered 
 the Lord's Supper twice, held two Quarterly Con- 
 ferences, and rode ten miles- but in the evening 
 vejy nearly fainted, and could not attend Church. 
 
 October 7. — Sad news. An old, and very dear 
 friend, Bro. Schureman Halsted, is dead. I am re- 
 quested to attend his funeral. This makes eleven 
 or twelve times I have been called to attend the 
 
374 JOUKNAL. 
 
 funerals of particular friends in !N'ew York and 
 neighborliood, within a few years. 
 
 October 9. — Took an early train for Mamaroneck. 
 A solemn, happy funeral ; the largest I ever saw 
 in the country. Bro. H. died as he had lived, in 
 the faith. 
 
 October 26. — I arose much refreshed after yester- 
 day's labors; but in the afternoon was smitten 
 down again with illness. Made out to crawl to 
 Flushing and hold Q. Conference ; but then had to 
 give up. Dear Bro. Janes consented to take my 
 work, and I came home feeling somewhat better. 
 
 October 31. — Yesterday had a relapse ; but God 
 has seen fit to give me a little respite from pain, 
 and through the tender care of my excellent 
 nurs'^a I am more comfortable this morning. My 
 soul has bpen kept in wonderful peace. 
 
 November 23.— For three weeks past have suft'ei'- 
 ed much — have been confined to the house, ana 
 under the care of my dear Dr. Foote. Rest and 
 quiet are strictly enjoined. I have lost three Sab- 
 baths — a heavy cross ; but my brethren have been 
 very forbearing and kind, and have helped me in 
 filling my appointments I have enjoyed sweet 
 peace and communion with God. 
 
 On the 16th our Betsy died in great peace. 
 She had been a faithful domestic in the family 
 during forty-seven years. We miss her sadly; 
 but our loss is her gain. 
 
 January 3. — Unwell, but took a long walk, 
 preached three times, and administered the Sacra- 
 ment. Weary in body, but happy in God. 
 
1867—1869. 375 
 
 January 23. — FeoLle, under tlie Doctor's care. 
 He objects, but I must try to go. Came to Wliite- 
 stoue, but too unwell for meeting. 
 
 January 24. — Not able to go to Church, the 
 brethren came to my lodgings, and we held 
 Quarterly Conference. Rode in a close carriage to 
 Flushing, to the home of mj^ nephew Lemuel — un- 
 able to go further. How kind they all are ! God 
 bless them ! 
 
 Februai'y 19. — I have been very feeble all the 
 •week^— have not had a comfortable night's sleep in 
 five weeks ; but Jesus is my life and my portion ; 
 in Him will I put my trust. I rejoice in one 
 thing; God is saving souls on the District. There 
 are powerful revivals in several of the charges, I 
 am willing to wear out in Ills service. 
 
 February 21. Quite unwell, but go on as best I 
 can. The Lovefeast, one Sacrament of the Lord's 
 Supper, two Quarterly Conferences, two sermons 
 and a ride of six miles, were the labors of the day. 
 The Lord was very good, and the brethren very 
 khrd. 
 
 February 22. — After a sleepless night I traveled 
 over one hundred miles, and reached home weary, 
 but happy. 
 
 March 12. — Attended Quarterly Conference for 
 Northport and Centreport, and found both charges 
 in a prosperous condition, 
 
 March 13. — Preached once, and administered the 
 Loi-d's Supper ; but was too feeble to do more. 
 
376 JOURNAL 
 
 Bro. H. filled my place. This day finished Tny 
 active labors on the District — perhaps for life. 
 Brother T. fills my three appointments next Sun- 
 day, which is the last fijr 'the Conference year. 
 My health is permanently broken, I fear, and I 
 .find it requires more grace and courage to give up 
 work than to labor. 
 
 I have received and filled fifty-four appoint- 
 ments — imperfectly, at best, but honestly, I think. 
 Mne years I traveled Circuits ; two and a half 
 years I labored for the Wesleyan University ; 
 twenty-four and a half years I served in City 
 churches, and eighteen years as Presiding Elder. 
 In connection with my colleagues, I have taketi 
 more than ten thousand persons into the church. 
 To God be glory in Christ Jesus ! 
 
 April 17. — At Conference, I asked and received 
 a Superannuated relation. It was a great cross, but 
 I believe the Master approved. My brethren, 
 preachers and laymen, showed me great kindness, 
 both by word and deed. They presented me with 
 $3,000 — an entirely unexpected gift. The Lord re- 
 ward them for their generous deed. I have always 
 trusted the Lord and His people, and shall do so 
 while I live. Praise the Lord, my soul, and for- 
 get not all His benefits ! Heaven is my home- 
 Jesus my precious Saviour. 
 
 [The Editor of the " Christian Advocate," thus 
 refers to this event.] 
 
 " Those who were present at the late session of the New 
 York East Conference will not readily forget his appear. 
 
1867—1869. 377 
 
 ance before that body. He sat in the altar, at the left 
 hand of the Bishop, and when his name was called, at 
 the head of the ministers of his District, he arose and 
 requested that his case might be passed over till he had 
 represented his brethren. After that had been done, he 
 presented his own case. He said he had reached the end 
 of the fifty-fourth year of his ministry, and the eightieth 
 year of his age, and finding himself disqualified by phys- 
 ical infirmities for further duties, he must ask of the 
 Conference to be returned superannuated. It was evident 
 to all that coming to that decision had cost him a very 
 severe struggle. His remarks on that occasion very 
 clearly indicated the undiminished energy of his mind. 
 He referred to his long life in the ministry with great 
 humility ; tol3 of his early struggles and conflicts when 
 first impressed with tlie conviction of that duty ; of the 
 completeness of his devotion to the work when it had 
 been entered upon ; of the privations endUred by both 
 himself and his family ; of the kindness of his brethren, 
 both of the ministry and the laity ; of his reluctance 
 to leave the work, and yet his cheerful submission to the 
 will of God in this, as in all things. 
 
 " As he there stood among his younger brethren, he 
 appeared to our fancy like some old, worn, and battle- 
 scarred warrior, laying dowti his arms, and ungirding 
 his armor for the last time, after a thousand conflicts 
 and victories. Though his humility would have forbid- 
 den him to consciously appropriate these words of the 
 great Apostle, yet his story, and all the circumstances of 
 the case, spoke them out too plainly to be misrepresented. 
 They said in him : " I have fought a good fight ; I have 
 fi,,ished my course; I have kept the faith; henceforth 
 there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness." The 
 
378 ' JOURNAL. 
 
 scene was, indeed, a triumph, and such a one as it is very 
 seldom the lot of any mortal to enjoy." 
 
 The following Resolutions were unanimously 
 adopted by the Conference. 
 
 " Resolved, That this Conference hears, with profound 
 regret, that it has become necessary, on account of ill 
 health, for its venerable member, Heman Bangs, after 
 an effective ministry of fifty-four years, to retire from 
 the work. 
 
 "Resolved, That this Conference will ever bear in 
 honored recollection the integrity, the devotion, the 
 Christian purity of character, the wise counsels and 
 blameless example of our retiring brother. ' 
 
 " Resolved, That he will be followed to his retirement 
 by our sympathies and our prayers, that the Father of 
 us all will gently smooth his way to that rest which 
 remaineth for the people of God." 
 
1869. 
 
 Feeble in Body, Migbty in Faith. — Contented to go or stay.— 
 The iast Entry in his Journal. — The Closing Scenes of his Life. — 
 ' Tributes to his Memory from the Press. — His Funeral. 
 
 PRIL 27. — I begin to feel that I am an old 
 man. I can hardly realize it. My sight 
 is tolerable, my hearing as good as it ever 
 was, but my hand shakes, my limbs tremble, and 
 J am feeble all over. Yet I am contented. I had 
 sweet intercourse with Jesus this morning. I en- 
 deavor to search my own heart ; but how deceit- 
 ful it is ! Yes I find I love God, and have no ill- 
 will towards any man. The Lord is so merciful 
 that I wonder and adore. Glory to Jesus, my 
 King, my Saviour, my God ! He is all and in all. 
 I believe in His full Divinity, in His perfect 
 Atonement for the sins of the whole world, and that 
 His blood cleanses from all sin. I believe in the 
 Holy Ghost, as the third person in the Holy Trin- 
 ity. He is my Sanctifier and my Comforter : on 
 this Rock I build; here I rest all my hopes, and 
 dismiss all my fears, 
 
 Sunday, May 16. — ^Attended' church this morn- 
 ing, but I have had a week of extreme feebleness. 
 
380 JOUKNAL. 
 
 I am alone at home, but my soul is in communion 
 with Christ, and how sweet and precious it is ! 
 Sometimes I long to depart and be with Christ: 
 but I cry for patience, and so become contented to 
 go or stay, as God wills. For my dear daughters 
 I would live; but my days of active usefulness are 
 over. I must now glorify God by suffering. My 
 dear Christian brethren are very thoughtful and 
 kind to me. They seem determined to supply all 
 my wants. This is God's method of doing good 
 to man, by man ; and my heart is filled with grati- 
 tude to Him and them. I am very happy this 
 hour — four P. M. Amen 
 
 August 4. — I have written nothing for some time. 
 My health is very feeble; but I live, and why 
 should a living man complain ? I do not complain , 
 but I cry continually to God for patience. God 
 knows wliat is best, and I submit all to His will. 
 I am a poor unprofitable sinner. N"o righteous- 
 ness of my own, no labor, nor work, nor suffering 
 can I plead. But Jesus died for me. I believe it, 
 I feel it; I build all my hopes of salvation and 
 Heaven upon it, and I find it a Rock immovable. 
 I am saved by grace, through faith. 
 
 The above is the last entry in his Journal. 
 
 In the month of September, he made a journey to 
 the West. Though very feeble in health he enjoj^- 
 ed the trip, and the meeting with dear friends and 
 kindred, all of whom were deeply impressed by 
 his sweet spirit, and Christian conversation. 
 
1869. 381 
 
 After nis return home, for a few days, lie ap- 
 peared to be invigorated by the journey, and 
 resumed his usual cheerful, active interest in all 
 that concerned the comfort of the family. But 
 soon beginning to fail more rapidly, he remarked 
 one day to his daughters, that they had better pre- 
 pare for the end, saying : 
 
 " The Lord may see fit to spare my life for some 
 time yet; but I think I am failing. I am not 
 anxious either way; but it will do no harm to 
 make all necessary arrangements." 
 
 He then gave directions respecting his ftmeral ; 
 requesting that Bishop Janes officiate; and named 
 the brethren whom he desired should serve as Ms 
 pall-bearers. He said : 
 
 " I Avish laymen to carry me to my grave. Make 
 no display about my funeral. Don't eulogize me, 
 but glorify Christ as much as you please." 
 
 He was deeply affected ; and, as he finished his 
 directions, exclaimed with a burst of tears : 
 
 "I'm saved, I'm saved, I'm saved — not, I shall 
 be saved, but I am saved ! " 
 
 At another time, after a severe attack of suffer- 
 ing, which exhausted him greatly, he said in reply 
 to the remark, 
 
 " How much you suffer ! " 
 
 "It is all right, all right; the earthly taberna- 
 cle is dissolving. Prepare yourselves for the end, 
 for it is coming rapidly." 
 
 To each friend who came in to see him he had 
 an appropriate word of greeting or reply. A 
 brother minister remarked: 
 
382 JOUEKAL. 
 
 "There is a little interest on tlio subject of relig- 
 ion, in two or three of our churches." 
 
 He replied with emphasis : 
 
 " There ought to he a great deal of interest in the 
 oh arches." 
 
 To another : 
 
 " Preach Christ, He is all and in all." 
 
 His greeting to a young friend noted for his 
 musical tastes, was: 
 
 "There's music in Heaven, James," — and again, 
 as he gave him a farewell kiss : 
 
 " There is no hypocrisy in death." 
 
 To another, who inquired : 
 
 " How are you to-day ? " — He answered : 
 
 "On the borders!" 
 
 Kev. Mr. Watkins, pastor of the First Church, 
 who visited him frequently during his illness, thus 
 writes : 
 
 "During a deeply interesting interview I had 
 with him one Sunday afternoon, after referring to 
 the emaciated condition of his body, I asked : 
 
 " But how is your soul ? " 
 
 " It triumphs, it triumphs ! " — then raising his 
 voice : 
 
 " God lives in me, and I live in God : soon I 
 shall, live with Him forevser. I am so unM'orthy ! 
 I see nothing hut imperfection in myself. But 0, 
 the hlood! the atoning blood! it meets my case." 
 
 A few days later I remarked : 
 
 " You must feel great satisfaction in reviewing 
 your work now, and thinking of the numbers you 
 have won to Christ, do you not ? " 
 
1869. 383 
 
 Never shall I forget his reply : 
 
 "I have done nothing — the Lord has used me." 
 
 "My dear hrother:/' I continued: 
 
 "Dj not the truths you have preached in the 
 pulpit, and spoken at the bed-side of the sick and 
 dying, comfort and support you now?" 
 
 " Yes — the principles I have inculcated stand 
 this test. I have, perhaps, mistakenly added to, 
 or taken from them. I may have covered their 
 meaning with my poor words ; but so far as the 
 truths themselves are concerned, I have nothing to 
 take back." 
 
 The last connected sentence he was heard to 
 utter, was: "Glory! His presence is with me." 
 
 About six o'clock, on "the evening of the 2nd of 
 November, he fell asleep in Jesus. 
 
 [" The Methodist," thus refers to the event :] 
 " 3o died Hjaiaa Baugs — died a3 he lived. Simple- 
 h3arted, sincere, chserful, devout, he was himself to the 
 lait. Ha wished for no labored eulogy ; he needs none. 
 Tliough he has vanished (»ut of our sight, he lives in the 
 hearts of a host of friends,, and in the history of a 
 Church which he was permitted to see grow from weak- 
 ness into marvellous power. We shall miss his geaial 
 face, his stalwart frame, his quaint and stirring sentences. 
 A standard-bearer has fallen ; be it ours, who still wage 
 the battle, to grasp the colors and hold them aloft, as he 
 did. 
 
 " In person, Heman Bangs was tall and commanding. 
 His countenance blended in its expression rigid integrity 
 and sweetness of spirit. The hard lines of persistent 
 
384 JOURNAL. 
 
 determination were softened by the out-beaming of an 
 amiable temper. Though .ever positive, both in opinion 
 and action, he was exceedingly gentle and patient. 
 
 " He retained to the last the old-time costume of the 
 Methodist preacher; yet his mind was not antiquated. 
 He was fresh, progressive, and forward-looking to the 
 end. A champion of education, though not cultured 
 himMf ; an earnest, self-sacrificing, heroic man — strong 
 in simplicity and truth, he has won a crown of immor- 
 tality." 
 
 [Tiie. Editor of one of tlie daily papers of JNew 
 Haven, writes :] 
 
 " We remember well his first settlement iu New Ha- 
 ven, and how soon he won the esteem and love of all 
 with whom he came in contact. His cheerful look and 
 kind word; his sympathy for all in affliction^ his firmly 
 grounded faith in the religion he so earnestly taught, 
 and so faithfully exemplified, made him a bright and 
 shining light in his sacred profession. 
 
 "He was remarkable for moral as well as physical 
 courage. No gilded sophistry could deceive his judg- 
 ment; no popular frenzy unsgttle his views of what he 
 believed to be right ; and no earthly power impose silence 
 on his tongue, when conscience bade utterance to duty. 
 
 " We were a lad of fifteen years when we first met 
 him, and the good impression he made upon us has grown 
 stronger with each succeeding year, until we caAie to be- 
 lieve him one of the purest and best men that ever lived." 
 
 [The details of the funeral are thus given by 
 one of the City papers :] 
 
 " The funeral of the late venerable Heman Bangs took 
 
1869. 385 
 
 place at the First Methodist E. Church, New Haven, 
 on Friday, November 5th, at two o'clock, P. M. 
 
 "At half past one, short services were held at his late 
 residence, conducted by Kev. L. S. Weed. The funeral 
 cortege then proceeded to the church, where a procession 
 of clergymen was formed, headed by the pastor, who 
 read, as it moved down the main aisle, the first portion 
 of the Burial Service — ' I am the Resurrection and the 
 Life," &c. 
 
 " The bearers, selected by the deceased, were Messrs. 
 Geo. I. Seney, William H. Stiles, John French, Thomas 
 Rushmore, Oliver Hoyt, Harold Dollner, Edmund S. 
 Driggs, and Jonathan Purdy, of New York City, and 
 Elias Gilbert and Charles J. Allen, of New Haven. 
 
 " The pulpit and chancel were draped with black, and 
 upon the table were a beautiful cross and crown of white 
 flowers. The services commenced with a Chant by the 
 Choir : * Give me to know mine end, and the measure of 
 my days, that I may be certified, how long I have to 
 live,' the Scriptures were read by Rev. Dr. Bacon, and 
 Rev. J. B. Merwin ; and the Hymns by Rev. Messrs 
 Roche and Hatfield, followed by a prayer of wonderful 
 pathos and power, by Rev. Charles Fletcher. 
 
 " Rev. Bishop Janes then delivered an eloquent Ad- 
 dress on the life and character of the deceased. When 
 the large number of friends present had taken a final 
 look at the loved remains, they were carried to the fam- 
 ily burial ground in Evergreen Cemetery." 
 
A MEMOKIAL 
 
 OUR MOTHER. 
 
'Thus do we walk with her, and keep unbroken 
 
 The bond which nature gives. 
 Thinking that our remembrance, though unspoken. 
 May reach her where she lives." 
 
 Longfellow. 
 
NOTE. 
 
 The following pages were prepared a few years since 
 for private circulation among friends. It is thought fit- 
 ting that the two lives, which for more than half a 
 century blended in loving companionship, should be thus 
 commemorated in this Memorial Book. 
 
MRS. SALLY BUEETTT BA.NGS 
 
 jlAS the daughter of Philip and Kachel 
 Burritt, and was born in Danbury, Con- 
 necticut, August 3, 1789. Her earliest 
 maternal ancestor of whom any knowledge has 
 been preserved, was Col. John Eead, who removed 
 from Bbston, Massachusetts, to Connecticut, in the 
 first part "of the last century. Having purchased 
 from the Indians a large tract of land, embracing 
 what is now called Heading, he became one of its 
 earliest settlers, giving his name to that township. 
 He died in 1786, aged eighty-five years, leaving 
 sevei-al children, among whom he divided his large 
 estate. His son William, noted for his piety and 
 benevolence, m,arried Sarah Sawley, of whom 
 many interesting incidents are related. She was 
 a woman of much force of character and rare 
 social qualities, which made her an agreeable com-' 
 panioneven in extreme old age. As an illustration 
 of her activity, it is said that when eighty-four 
 years of age she would frequently spin "two run" 
 of flax in a day ! — an accomplishment better ap- 
 
8 MEMORIAL OF 
 
 predated a hundred years ago, than in these mod. 
 ern times. 
 
 Their daughter Rachel married Philip Burritc. 
 Of bis lineage but little is known with certainty, 
 save that his maternal ancestors were named Burr 
 — "a Puritan family which had flourished in New 
 England for several generations, and had given to 
 those provinces clergymen, lawyers and civilians 
 of some eminence." His mother was a sister of 
 -President Burr of Princeton College, KTew Jersey. 
 
 The family of Philip and RachelBurritt consisted 
 of ten children — seven sons and three daughters — 
 all of whom lived to mature age. The subject of 
 this sketch was the eighth child and second daugh- 
 ter. One by one her brothers and sisters passed 
 awayi leaving her, at last, the only survivor of the 
 household. 
 
 Among her papers, examined since her decease, 
 was found a Journal, commenced in the year 1815, 
 and extending to a few months previous to her 
 death — a period of forty-nine years. It contains 
 many interesting reminiscences of her youth, and 
 gives a beautiful insight into her Christian life, 
 revealing the workings . of a strong yiet sensitive 
 nature, through a long and eventful pilgrimage. 
 Such extracts from its pages will occasionally be 
 made as serve best to elucidate -her character. 
 
 In her childhood her parents removed to Dela- 
 ware County, New York. She thus refers to this 
 early period of hec life, giving some glimpses of 
 the strictness of paternal discipline in that primi- 
 tive time. 
 
MRS. BANGS. W 
 
 " My parents were not professors of religion, but 
 attendants upon the ministry of the Presbyterian 
 Church, belonging to what was then called the 
 Half-way Covenant — that is, were not communi- 
 cants, but had their children baptized in that 
 church. They were very strict in training their 
 children — we were not allowed to crack a nut, nor 
 go into the orchard to pick fruit on the Sabbath. 
 When not at church, we naust stay in the house 
 until sunset, then the Sabbath ended. 
 
 " My parents were both awakened under- the 
 preaching of Rev. Jesse Lee, and decided to join 
 the Methodist Church the next time he came to 
 Eeading, where they then lived. But upon his 
 second visit to the place something prevented their 
 attendance ; he afterwards left for other parts of 
 New England, and- they did not join. My father 
 said that Mr. Lee preached the Gospel — a free sal- 
 vation. He disliked the doctrine of Election and 
 Reprobation, as it was taught in those days ; he said 
 it hardened his heart. In after years he became a 
 TJniversalist, believing the doctrine of Universal 
 Salvation more consistent with the Divine charac- 
 ter than Calvinism. In his last illness, however, 
 his Universalism failed him, he was in great dis- 
 tress. I was young, but I well remember his ago- 
 ny. He would walk his room, wringing his hands 
 and groaning — ' No mercy for me — I am a great 
 sinner. I have not prayed for myself nor my- chil- 
 dren. God will curse me, I deserve it. I have 
 had light, but I have shut it out' In about two 
 
10 MEMOEIAL OF 
 
 weeks he obtained mercy. He sent for his Uni- 
 versalist friends, and told them their doctrine 
 would do better to live by than to die by — it had 
 failed him, and it would them. He besought them 
 to seek religion, as he had done. It had a power- 
 ful effect upon them at the .time ; they knew him 
 to be an honest man, upright in all his dealings; 
 I have often heard it said my father's word was as 
 good as his bond. 
 
 " As^death approached, he called his children to 
 his bedside and confessed his neglect of duty to 
 them, having never prayed with nor for them, took 
 each by the hand, begging them to promise they 
 would seek religion. They all did so but one, (mj' 
 younger sister,) and she was the first to obey the 
 request; but they all soon after followed her ex- 
 ample. I was fifteen years old the month my fath- 
 er died ; his last words are yet vivid in my mem- 
 ory, I shall never forget them. At that time I had 
 many serious thoughts, but being naturally proud 
 and self-couceited, I would not yield to the convic- 
 tion that I was a great sinner, and could never be 
 happy until I was converted. 
 
 " About two years after the death of my father, 
 I visited my grandparents, who lived in Eeading, 
 Conn. While there, I was taken very sickj and 
 feared I must die. Mr. John E.. Hill came to see 
 me. I had thought him a good man, but a great 
 enthusiast. He asked if I was prepared to die, I 
 replied that I was a great sinner. He then knelt 
 by my bedside and prayed most fervently. That 
 
MRS. BANGS. 11 
 
 prayer reached my heart, and I then promised the 
 Lord if He would spare my life, I. would seek and 
 serve Him. That vow, at the time known only 
 to God and myself, I never broke. My views and 
 feelings were changed. I sought the God of my 
 salvation, but my troubled soul did not find peace. 
 " About a year after my return home, a camp- 
 meeting was appointed in our neighborhood. 
 At a similar meeting, held the year previous, while 
 I was in Reading, several of my friends experi- 
 enced religion, and I determined to attend this and 
 see what effect it would have on my mind. The 
 first day of the meeting, the sight of the tented 
 grove, and the solemnity of the people, effected 
 me much ; so deeply, that I left the place and went 
 home. The next day I returned to what seemed 
 to me the most solemn place on earth. A young 
 man stood in a prayer-circle inviting sinners to re- 
 pent, but my proud heart could not submit. A 
 woman by my side fell under the power of God. 
 I doubted her sincerity, but prayed in my heart, 
 that if it were real, I might feel the same. In an 
 instant my strength was gone ; a friend held me 
 up, or I should have fallen. My brother came to 
 take me away, saying I had fainted. I replied, 
 *]^o, let me remain.' Many fervent prayers were 
 offered for me, and I found some relief The next 
 day all the family attended the camp-meeting, leav- 
 ing me in charge of the house, (jrlad was I to be 
 alone ; I knelt by my mother's bed, and there con- 
 secrated myself to my Saviour, on the last day of 
 
12 MEMORIAL OP 
 
 June, 1809. I had a clear wntness of my forgiv- 
 ness. On opening the Bible, it was all new — the 
 letters seemed to shine, and how sweet were the 
 promises ! When the neighbors came past our 
 house, returning from the meeting, I went out and 
 told them how happy I felt." 
 
 She suffered considerable persecution from her 
 worldly friends and companions, on account of 
 her religious profession, and especially for joining 
 the Methodists — a people whose name at that time 
 was a reproach, but she s&ems to have maintained 
 unshaken her confidence in Christ. 
 
 On the 20th of August, 1811, she was united in 
 marriage with Heman Bangs, the young man pre- 
 viously mentioned as exhorting in the prayer-cir- 
 cle at the camp-meeting. 
 
 In her Journal, this event is thus noticed: " We 
 lived in the same neighborhood, and had been 
 acquainted from childhood. He experienced re- 
 ligion at the first camp-meeting. My mother ob- 
 jected to my marrying him ; her only reason was, 
 she knew he would be a Methodist preacher, as 
 all his brothers were. She lived to acknowledge 
 that I had one of the best of husbands, and that 
 she loved him as an own son." 
 
 ******** 
 
 " We were prospered in worldly things, and had 
 a pleasant home of our own, but my husband was 
 wretched. He was avoiding his duty, and refusing 
 to obey his Master's call. But he did not reveal 
 his feelings to me until three years after our mar-- 
 
MRS. BANGS. 13 
 
 riage, thougli I was to some extent aware of his 
 exercise of mind. "He finally' told me he should 
 be lost, if he did not give up all worldly anticipa- 
 tions, and become a Methodist itinerant — but he 
 said, ' You will not consent? ' I told him I would 
 cheerfully give up all and go, I would be no hin- 
 drance, if no help. I^e was greatly relieved, as he 
 had thought I would oppose him. We sold our 
 property, his name was sent to Conference, he was 
 received, and stationed on Delaware Circuit — the 
 very place where we were brought up, and mar- 
 ried, and moved from, three years and six months 
 before. I joined the same class I had left." 
 
 Her Journal notices their various places of ap- 
 pointment. There are no complaints, but it is 
 evident that she feels keenly the frequent change 
 of residence, the mingling with strange people, and 
 the loneliness of those repeated absences when the 
 husband is traveling the circuit, sometimes away 
 several weeks. But all these trials incident to her 
 new life, seem to have been met in the same spirit 
 of cheerful self-sacrifice which characterized her 
 first relinquishment of home and friends, and evi- 
 dently bring her nearer the one Great Source of 
 consoiation. She records with much feeling the 
 frequent revivals and outpourings of the Spirit, not 
 only upon herself, but upon the various churches 
 with which they are associated. 
 
 After five years of toil in the vicinity of their 
 early home, the year 1821 finds them in the city of 
 Few York. Alluding to this change of residence. 
 
14 MEMORIAL OF 
 
 she writes : "A great trial to us both, my liusband 
 prefers the country." 
 
 October 4th. — "Heard John Summerfield preach; 
 crowds flocked to hear him ; he is a lovely young 
 man, and a remarkable preacher. 
 
 "We have excellent class-meetings. Bro. S 
 
 is my leader ; he has divided his class, and wishes 
 me to lead one half. How can I? He speaks to a 
 part, then asks me to speak to the rest. I dislike 
 to refuse, so I have tried a few times. I do love 
 the New York people; they are self-denying and 
 deeply pious. I like them better than their ciii/ life." 
 
 " 1824. — New Rochelle. The place of our ap- 
 pointment this year. I came a stranger to all; I am 
 lonely, but live near the church; this is a great 
 privilege, 
 
 " My dear little Steve has been very sick, near 
 dying, but he is spared to us, we think he will fully 
 recover. I will dedicate myself ^new to my Heav- 
 enly Father. I do feel that in the restoration of 
 this child my prayers have been heard and 
 answered." ' 
 
 " La Fayette has arrived ; there is great excite- 
 ment; everybody goes to see and welcome liirn to 
 our country." * 
 
 "New Haven, Conn., 1826. — "We are settled in 
 this beautiful city. All strangers, but we were re- 
 ceived with much warmth and kindness." 
 
 "August 15th. — Many have been to camp-meet- 
 ing on Long Island; a number of young people 
 
.MRS. BANGS. 15 
 
 were converted. My husband has appointed meet- 
 ings in our house; great good has been done. 
 Five experienced religion the other evening; it 
 was a precious season." 
 ********** 
 
 "I must soon leave this dear people; I shall 
 never forget them. May the Lord keep them 
 faithful, and crown them in glory!" 
 
 At their next station, Middletown, Conn., she 
 suffers a severe illness, being unable for six months 
 to attend to the duties of her family. This trial 
 seems to have been signally blessed to her spiritual 
 advancement. Slio writes, " .1 was at first unwil- 
 ling to be sick, my family needed my care. I 
 wrestled and prayed until I obtained the victory, 
 and I shall ever praise God for this affliction. I 
 never before enjoyed so much of His love. Though 
 a great sufferer 1 felt no murmuring. I was happy 
 night and day." 
 
 " This is written in New York City, our next 
 appointment. 1 have not been able to write for 
 many months. I have spent the summer and fall 
 with my sister, in Delaware County — the place 
 where my parents moved when I was young; 
 wlierel was educated, and brought into the liberty 
 of the Gospel, and where 1 was married. No place 
 seems so much like home to me as Delaware Coun- 
 ty. T have had many pleasant meetiogs with old' 
 friends. I visited the graves of my father antl two 
 brothers. Alas! some are dead, and some arc far 
 awaj'.'' 
 
16 MEMORIAL OS 
 
 "August 3d, 1830.— This is my birthday— forty 
 one years of age ! Many years of my life are gone, 
 and much time wasted." 
 
 "Derby, Conn., 1831. — Appointed here from' 
 New York City. Not a house in sight of us — very 
 lonely, but I intend to be happy and contented. 
 We have buried our little Rebecca — sweet child ! 
 the fourth our Heavenly Father has taken from us 
 — gone safely." 
 
 In 1832, her husband was appointed Presiding 
 Elder of New Haven District, and they resided in 
 Middletown, Conn. " I seem quite at home here 
 — near the College. "We have our eldest son with 
 us, a great privilege! Class in the house, with Dr. 
 Fisk for a leader — a good one, certainly. How I 
 long to be more-holy — more self-denying, like my 
 Saviour." 
 
 "New Haven, 1835. — Appointed again to this 
 lovely city — a place I like much — a pleasant people. 
 
 " 1836. — We have had a great revival in the 
 church. My good husband, and brother Gossling 
 from the West Indies, have preached all winter. 
 Bro. 6. is an eloquent preacher." 
 
 In the spring of 1837 they were stationed at 
 Hartford, Conn. Here she is called to sufler her 
 severest trial — one so dark, that all past sorrows 
 seemed merged in its shadow. Her eldest son, 
 Aaron, had graduated with honor at the Wesleyan 
 University, and through the influence of Dr. Fisk 
 had been induced to go South as a teacher. After 
 Iwo years absence he returned homo, to be present 
 
MRS. BANGS 17 
 
 at the marriage of Ms eldest sister. The summer 
 passed pleasantly away in the midst of the happy 
 family circle, so soon to be broken by death and 
 separation — never again to be united on earth,- 
 
 While returning South, he was lost in the wreck 
 of the Steamer "Home," off Cape Ilatteras, on 
 the 9th of October, 1837. 
 
 The mother seemed to have some premonition of 
 the impending trial. The faithful Journal tells 
 the sad history. " My husband has gone to Camp- 
 meeting at Bolton. My son Aaron has gone with 
 him. The dear boy returned from the South this 
 summer, having been absent more than two years. 
 Since they left for the meeting, I have been pray- 
 ing for a blessing. This passage has lain with 
 weight on my mind : ' These are they that have 
 come out of great tribulation, and have washed 
 their robes and made them white in the blood of 
 the Lamb.' I cannot keep it out of my mind. It 
 6eemsH;o me 1 can never be of that happy number, 
 for I have never had any very severe trials, though 
 an impression rests day and night with weight 
 upon my mind that great affliction awaits me." 
 
 " September 28th. — My beloved Aaron left home 
 to-day — a melancholy event to me ; the rest of the 
 family are cheerful, but I feel very sad." 
 
 When the mournful intelligence of the wreck of 
 the steamer reached Hartford, and the name of 
 the son was found among the lost, the parents im- 
 mediately left home for New York — the father to 
 proceed to the scene of the disaster, hoping to 
 
18 MEMORIAL OP 
 
 recover the body of his son, the mother to remain 
 in the city until her husband's return. Mingled 
 Math the bitterness of her grief, was the uncertain- 
 ty respecting his future state. It is true' he had 
 professed religion from his boyhood, and the boy 
 had developed into the high-toned, consistent 
 Christian ; but the grim messenger had met him 
 suddenly, amiid storm and dashing waves and the 
 breaking timbers of the frail boat. Did his faith 
 fail him, surrounded by the horrors of that awful 
 night? How she longed for an answer to the 
 question ! How she struggled in an agony of 
 prayer that her Heavenly Father would give her 
 some token of the safety of her boy ! She writes : 
 "In great humility I asked this of the Lord. 
 Having retired to my bed one night more compos- 
 ed than usual, I fell asleep, and dreamed that I was 
 sitting alone, when suddenly I was aroused by the 
 sweetest music I ever heard. Looking up, to my 
 surprise, my dear Aaron was walking toward me, 
 with one on either side of him, neither of whom I 
 knew. My son had never in his lifetime been a 
 singer, but they were all three singing a tune 
 called 'North Salem.' As they came up and stood 
 before me, I said, ' Why, Aaron, we thought you 
 were lost! He replied, 'I'm saved, mother.' They 
 turned about and walked back to the place where I 
 first saw them, then came, towards me again, still 
 singing. Now, thought I, I will say more to him. 
 He looked me full in the face as I exclaimed, 
 ' Why, Aaron, we thought you were lost.' ' I'm 
 
MRS. BANGS. 19 
 
 Eaved, I'm saved, mother.' They walked back to 
 the same spot, turned, and came towards me the 
 third time, his countenance beaming with heavenly 
 joy. I repeated the same words, ' Why, Aaron, we 
 thought you were lost.' 'I'm saved, I'm saved, I'm 
 saved, mother.' They then returned to the same 
 place and disappeared. I slept no more that night. 
 At fii'st I thought his body was really saved, and 
 that he would raturn with his father. But I at 
 last concluded that it must refer to his spiritual 
 Btate, and that my Heavenly Father had deigned 
 to make it known to me in this way, in answer to 
 my fervent prayers. His precious body was never 
 recovered." 
 
 The funeral services were attended at his fa- 
 ther's church in Hartford. Dr. Fisk preached the 
 sermon from Job 14 : 10. He thus spoke of his 
 Connection with the deceased: "ISText to his par- 
 ents, I have had more knowledge of this youth, 
 and more immediate concern in his training than 
 any other person. For about ■seven years he was 
 under my care as a pupil, ii^st in the preparatory 
 school, then in the college. He professed to expe- 
 rience a change of heart when thirteen years of 
 age, but subsequently lost his religious enjoyment. 
 During the last year of his collegiate course he 
 again found peace in believing, made a public pro- 
 fession of his faith, and has ever since, I believe, 
 maintained a consistent Christian character. In 
 some respects he was a pattern worthy of all imi- 
 tatfon. Li the rivalry and partisanship so common 
 
20 MEMORIAL OF 
 
 in colleges, and whicli so often lead young men to 
 be guilty of calumny and detraction of their fel- 
 low-students, he never would join in speaking evil 
 of others. Il^either did he seem disposed to throw 
 off authority, or take offence at any instance of its 
 exercise. But in this pespect there is stronger 
 testimony in his favor than mine. His afflicted 
 mother informed me that she had no recollection 
 of a single instance in which he ever disobeyed 
 her. How honorable to a son is this maternal tes- 
 timony ! Young Bangs was modest and unassum- 
 ing. He was not among the number of those 
 forward youths of our day, who, as soon as they 
 finish their education, nay before, as is no uncom- 
 mon thing, consider themselves qualified to .be- 
 come reformers, and under the names of duty and 
 conscience, ai'ray themselves against age and au- 
 thority. This is one of the most unhappy and un- 
 promising features of onr day, and if encouraged, 
 will go far towards unsettling all the principles of 
 order, and shaking the foundations of society. 
 Hence the loss of such young men as he whose 
 death we deplore, is the more to be lamented. In 
 sliort, he was an interesting companion, an affec- 
 tionate, dutiful son, and a promising member of 
 the community and church." 
 
 In allusion to the method of his death, Dr. Pisk 
 remarked : " God hath commanded the stormy 
 elements to inhume the youth in the bottom of the 
 Bca, so that like Moses of old, it may be said, ' the 
 Lord buried him, and no man knoweth of 'his 
 
MRS. BANGS. 21 
 
 Bepnlehre unto this day ; ' nor will It be known 
 until the earth and the sea give up their dead." 
 
 It was luot until the sad anniversary of this 
 afflicting event that the mother was able to bow iu 
 submission to the rod that had so sorely smitten. 
 The day was spent in fasting and prayer, and even 
 until late at night she continued to wrestle with 
 God for victory. At length, faith triumphed, and 
 she was able to say from the heart, " The will of 
 the Lord be done." 
 
 In allusion to the events of the precedinsf 
 twelve months — the death of her eldest son, with 
 the marriage and subsequent removal of her eldest 
 daughter to the South, she records — "aryear never 
 to be forgotten by a mother." 
 
 Time passes, and in the course of two or three 
 years, the changes of the itinerancy bring the fam- 
 ily again to Few York city. Here, a broken limb 
 the result of a fall, confines her to her room for 
 months and makes her a cripple for life. This 
 was a sore trial to a person of her sprightly, ener- 
 ■getic temperament, accustomed as she had always 
 iDeen to engage with cheerful, untiring zeal, not 
 only in those duties especiallj' incident to her po- 
 sition as pastor's wife, but in every benevolent 
 enterprise that claimed her attention. She is now 
 led to wonder at the mysterious dispensation of 
 her Heavenly Father, and to question ivhy she is 
 thus laid aside from her family and the church, 
 when- seemingly in the midst of usefulness. Dur- 
 ing the long, weary hours of pain and seclusion, 
 
22 MEMORIAL OF 
 
 she is taught the lesson so difficult to learn, that 
 God frequently calls His children to glorify Him 
 by suffering as well as by doing His will.- Hitherto, 
 the command of God had been, " Put your shoul- 
 der to the burden; lift it up, and bear it on; 
 work, and toil, and labor !" Now, He says by 
 His providences, " Be still, bear it, and suffer !" 
 
 She is at length restored to her usual health, 
 but never again is able to resume her wonted ac- 
 tivity. Her movements must hereafter be assisted 
 by the crutch or the carriage. She thus writes 
 in reference to this affliction: "!N"o one but my 
 Father in Heaven knows what I have suflered. I 
 caijnot record it — but blessed be God, His grace 
 is sufficient." 
 
 The domestic episodes of the next few years, 
 are a visit from the eldest daughter, accompanied 
 by her husband and children ; and subsequently, 
 the marriage and removal to the South of her sec- 
 ond daughter. This sundering of family ties was 
 a sore trial to the mother's heart, and continued, 
 to the last to be a source of sadness. She seemed 
 sometimes, almost to envy those mothers whose 
 families were settled around them, and thought 
 they did not sufficiently realize how highly they 
 were favored. 
 
 Nine years after the affiicting Providence which 
 bereft her of her eldest son-, she is called to mourn 
 the death of her youngest, and only son, Stephen. 
 
 He had finished his collegiate course, and was 
 preparing to enter upon the study of the law, when 
 
MIIS. BANGS. 23 
 
 he, like Ws father, hears the Master's voice call- 
 ing him into His service, and laying upon Mm 
 also, the burden of proclaiming the everlasting 
 Gospel. Not disobedient to the heavenly call, he 
 relinquishes the bright dreams of youthful ambi- 
 tion, and consecrates talents, acquirements, hopes 
 of worldly distinction, all, upon the altar of Duty. 
 But he is not permitted long to bear the Gospel 
 message. After nearly two years of toil and sac- 
 rifi(^, he comes home to die ; not like his elder 
 brother, without warning, far away among 
 strangers; but after months of suffering, surround- 
 ed by the endearments of home, with loving hands 
 to minister to his wants, he passes away in holy 
 triumph — ^his death a glorious ending . to a brief 
 life of twenty-three years. 
 
 The mother thus portrays her sprrow : " My 
 dear and last son — ^yes, my beloved Stephen ; he 
 who was our joy and comfort, to whom we looked 
 in our declining years, has gone to rest in the 
 Paradise of God. It never entered my mind that 
 the dear boy could be taken from us — ^he was all 
 that we could desire. Such a death, l)Ut few ever 
 witnessed ; never shall I forget his countenance, it 
 shone with heavenly radiance. "What views he 
 must have had of Heaven and Glory ! To think of 
 burying such a son ! I cannot dwell upon it." 
 
 After this, her Journal is characterized by more 
 earnest yearnings for ejitire conformity to her Sav- 
 iour's will. Death seems less forbidding, Heaven 
 very near, and her heart longs for the rest of that 
 Eternal Home. 
 
2-4 MEMORIAL OP 
 
 The severe attacks of illness from which she 
 suffered at different times, served to test her Chris- 
 tian fidelity, but she cheerfully endured, so that 
 she might be fitted to join those loved ones^who 
 had " passed on before," and who, to her eye of 
 faith, seemed waiting to greet her coming. 
 
 New Haven, September, 1848. " We are again 
 settled in this city — my husband being Presiding 
 Elder of E"ew Haven District. Each year seems 
 like my last. I have almost outlived my us»ful- 
 ness, and am ready to go. My husband is absent 
 most of the time, through heat and cold, wet and 
 dry, — his labors are very arduous. How sorry I 
 feel for him often, when he leaves home ! While I 
 am sitting by a good fire, he is traveling from 
 place to place — but the last day will come, when 
 his Master will say, * Come up higher ! ' " 
 
 August 3d. — " My birth-day. Can it be that I 
 have lived sixty years ! How shall I account to my 
 God in that great and final day ! What a thought ! 
 This day I pray for grace to renew my covenant 
 with Him, that in His strength I may live more to 
 His glory. During the past six months, I have 
 had frequent and sweet communion with my bless- 
 ed Jesus. What can compare with the religion 
 of Christ ? What of more value than the favor of 
 God? My heart burns with a longing desire to 
 be cleansed and fitted for Heaven. What a won- 
 der if I should reach that happy place ! — I am so 
 unworthy, so unprofitable." 
 
 Her lameness often prevented her attendance 
 
MRS. BANGS. 25 
 
 updn the public services of the Sanctuary. This 
 privation was a source of much sorrovr, but she 
 learned to solace herself in her retirement by the 
 precious promises of the Scriptures, and her closet 
 communions seem to have been full and sweet. 
 She has been known, Sabbath after Sabbath, to 
 spend the entire day in reading, without complaint 
 of weariness. Her love of general literature, and 
 her interest in the current news of the day, was 
 remarkable in one of her age ; and this fondness 
 for readii7g seemed to increase as her physical in- 
 firmities prevented her engaging in more active 
 duties. For the last three years of her life she 
 never used spectacles, her eyesight being but 
 slightly impaired. Her eyes, whose animated ex- 
 pression in -conversation, those who knew and 
 loved her well, cannot soon forget, never lost their 
 brightness until dimmed by the shadow of death. 
 
 The summer of 1860 found her making prepar 
 rations to visit her daughters at the South. It had 
 been her hope for years to see them once in thSir 
 own homes — a hope that she feared would never 
 be realized. 'Sow, circumstances seemed to 'fa- 
 vor her going," and though it appeared a formidable 
 undertaking in her seventy-first year, still, despite 
 feeble health and the iufirmities of age, she antici- 
 pated the journey with all the vivacity of youth. 
 
 The latter part of November, in company with 
 her husband, she sailed for New Orleans, thence 
 up the Mississippi River, to Baton Eouge, Louis- 
 iana. 
 
26 MEMORIAL OF 
 
 She remained South eight months dividing 
 her time between the families of her two daugh- 
 ters, enjoying the loving attentions of children and 
 grandchildren, and the kind hospitalities of their 
 friends. 
 
 The following summer she returned home. Her 
 visit was to her a source of unspeakable satisfac- 
 tion ; she was never weary of recalling its pleas- 
 ant reminiscences — and when the storm of desola- 
 ting war swept the land, destroying communica- 
 tion between the two sections of country, she 
 could not feel sufficiently grateful to the kind 
 Providence that had seemed to direct her going 
 and her return. 
 
 She thus records her feelings after her arrival 
 home: "I am-home — in my own dear home, with 
 my loved ones once more. "What a journey for 
 me to take, with my age and infirmities! But I 
 endured it well — spent eight months with my 
 children. How much -ctomfort I enjoyed! A 
 beautiful country, and kind, noble Christian men 
 and women. I can never think of my journey, 
 my visit there, and my- safe return, without feel- 
 ings of profound thankfulness to my Heavenly 
 Father." 
 
 The last entry in her Journal is December 6th, 
 1863. "This is a lovely Sabbath-day, the sun 
 shines brightly. My family have gone to church. 
 I am not able to go ; so lame I cannot walk across 
 the room. It is all well. My Saviour blesses me 
 at home — He comforts my heart. Praise His holy 
 
MRS. BANGS. 27 
 
 Name ! He is good and merciful — how unworthy 
 I feel to receive His blessings. I will take the" 
 cup of salvation and call on the name of the 
 Lord." 
 
 In March, 1864, she suffered' a slight attack of 
 paral^'sis. For a few days her mind was slightly 
 clouded, and the power of speech impaired. These 
 effects soon passed; and the mind resumed its 
 wonted vigor, but the feeble frame which had so 
 long battled with disease, gradually failed. 
 Those who watched her with anxious love-, saw 
 the struggles of the' brave spirit to bear up 
 still — but all in vain. The dear handsj alwaj^s 
 busy about some labor of love, were now folded 
 in weakness,, and the weary feet were nearing 
 their final resting-place. 
 
 During the last few weeks of life, her disease 
 assumed the form of dropsy of the. chest. , For 
 this complaint she had always expressed a pecu- 
 liar dread, but by earnest prayer she sought Di- 
 vine aid to enable her to bear this new trial. It 
 was given according to the promise, " My gi-ace 
 shall be sufiicient for thee." Sad thoughts of her 
 absent daughters filled her heart, and the longing 
 to see them once more, often found utterance. 
 But even this desire she, at last, calmly relinquish- 
 ed, and with" trembling hand wrote to each a few . 
 lines of affectionate remembrance, assuring them 
 of her trust in Christ. 
 
 "With loving thoughtfulness, like one preparing 
 for a pleasant journey, she talked with each mem- 
 
28 MEMOEIAL OF 
 
 ber of the family, dividing among them mementos 
 of her affection, and leaving all needful directions 
 respecting the disposition of her affairs. Then — 
 she seemed " only waiting"-7-and as the days 
 passed, to her the messenger appeared to linger; 
 but to those who watched with aching hearts the 
 failing strength and shortening breath, his shadow 
 already darkened the household. 
 
 On Thursday, the 18th of August, her mind 
 was wandering and her speech somewhat incohe- 
 rent. During the night, slae relapsed into appar- 
 ent unconsciousness. Once when aroused by the 
 question — " Is Jesus precious ! "'■ — the lips moved, 
 but the tongue had lost its power of utterance. 
 She thus continued until about ten o'clock on 
 Friday morning, the 19th of August, when her 
 spirit gently passed from earth to its Best in 
 Heaven. 
 
 " Tis hid from view ; but we may gness 
 
 How .beautiful that Eealm raust be ; 
 For gleamings of its loveliness, 
 
 In visions granted, oft we see. 
 The very clouds that o'er it throw 
 
 Their veil, unrais'd for mortal sight, 
 With gold and purple tintings glow, 
 
 Eeflepted from the glorious light 
 Beyond the Eiver. 
 
 " And gentle airs, so sweet, so calm, 
 Steal sometimes from that viewless sphere: 
 
 The mourner feels their breath of balm, 
 And soothed sorrow dries the tear. 
 
MRS. BANGS. 29 
 
 A.nd sometimes, list'ning ear may gain 
 
 Entrancing sound that hither floats ; 
 The echo of a distant strain, 
 
 Of harps' and voices' blended notes, 
 Beyond the River. 
 
 " There are our lov'd'ones in their Best; 
 
 They've cross'd Time's river — now no mora 
 They heed the bubbles on its breast. 
 Nor feel the storms that sweep its shore. 
 But there pure love can live — can last— 
 They look for us their home to share; 
 When we in turn away have pass'd. 
 What joyful greetings wait us there. 
 Beyond the Eiver."