fw lit llltltl . .: ■■■■.■ . . V .V. Ml Cornell University Library The original of this book is in the Cornell University Library. There are no known copyright restrictions in the United States on the use of the text. http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924011491150 Cornell University Library BX 8795.P5W581 1909 Looking back from Beulah :on the overrul 3 1924 011 491 150 LOOKING BACK ™m BEULAH BY MES. MOLLIE ALMA WHITE ON THE OVERRULING AND FORMING HAND OF GOD IN THE POV- ERTY AND STRUGGLES OF CHILDHOOD. THE HARD- SHIPS OF LATER YEARS; THE BATTLES, VICTORIES AND JOYS OF THE SANCTIFIED LIFE THE DISCOVERY OF THE PATH THAT LED TO IT. THE APOSTASY OF THE MODERN CHURCH, WITH SCRIPTURAL SUB- JECTS AND COMMENTS. PENTECOSTAL WORE. "Ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls" (Jer. 6:16\. And I saw the denominations — great multitudes — in the wilderness of this world, pitifully confused in the way. Inor- dinate desires, "the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life," bad darkened their understanding. The path to the "goodly land" was lost— filled with sand by the crossing and recrossing of gay young crowds "Who sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play*," and by the elders who "turned aside quickly out of the way" to worship other gods.* The guide posts erected by early leaders were cut down. Blind guides were abundant ad as badly mudd.ed as the rest. The Guide Book was being highly criticised, and the miraculous and supernatural eliminated: "the land of milk and honey" was considered doubtfulf, and the leeks and onions of the kingdom of darkness more to be desired. 1 saw the wrath of God descend upon them. Fire de- stroyed themf. And "the Lord made a new thing; the earih opened her mouth and swallowed§" up the gainsayers||, that were famous in the congregation, men of renown^f;" and of the others; the wilder.ness was full of iheir carcasses**. *Ex. 32:6-8. fHeb. 3 : 18. tNum. 10 : 2. §Nuin. 16 : 30. || Jud. 11. f Num. 16 : 2. **Num. 14 : 29. PUBLISHED BY THE PILLAR OF FIRE, BOUND BROOK, N. J. Copyright, 1902, by Mrs. M. A. White. 1909 TO HIM WHOM I LOVE, WHO HATH ENRICHED ME WITH A GREAT POSSESSION, AND IN THE MIDST THEREOF HATH BECOME THE FAIREST OF TEN THOUSAND TO MY SOUL, TO WHOM I HAVE DEDICATED ALL THINGS, TO HIS CAUSE I Dedicate this Book, To the few that are finding the narrow way and walking therein, may it be a benediction. To the unsanctified, may it create a fear lest a prom- ise being left them, they fail in unbelief. To the unsaved, may it be a voice crying, Repent, Prepare to meet thy God for He cometh to judge the qp0aS$j$e dead. CONTENTS CHAPTER fAGE I Coaviction and Conversion .... 7 II The Inward Conflict— Trials in School 23 III Leaving Home 39 IV Teaching in Montana — Incidental Ex- periences — Masonic Ball — Card- playing 50 V At home in School — Overwork — Mis- sionary in Utah — Testings . . 65 VI Last Year as a Teacher — A School Election — Trials and Triumphs 83 VII Denver — Marriage — Struggle Against Worldliness 95 VIII Lamar — Pastor's Wife — Furnace of Af- fliction 106 IX A Mountain Charge — Heart-cry for Purity 125 X . Consecration and Sanctification . . 140 XI The Bible a New Book ..... 154 Beulah . . 166 I Have the Victory (song) . . 167 XII The Bible a new book (continued)^ 168 XIII Healing for the Body — Revival Fires on the Erie Charge . . . . 181 XIV The Boulder Conference — In Evangel- istic Work — Bible Subjects and Comments 206 XV Remarkable Experiences in the Work 232 XVI Box Elder, Black Hollow and other Revivals 252 XVII Opening of the Pentecostal Mission 266 XVIII Leadville Conference and Mission Work 281 XIX Some Faith Experiences .... 296 XX Meeting at Paris, Kentucky— Shut out at Pleasant View — Christ as Redeemer, Heavenly Bride- groom and Coming King — The Tribulation 306 XXI On the Pacific Coast— Tokens of God's Favor — Organization of "The Pentecostal Union" .... 331 LOOKING SACK FROM BEULAH CHAPTER I CONVICTION AND CONVERSION "IX^HEN nine years of age, I was deeply con- * * convicted of sin one evening while listening to a conversation in our home. My father and mother, together with some relatives, were talking of the eternal torments of the wicked. One dark picture after another was drawn, and while standing some distance from them, apparently unnoticed, I was so overcome with the fear of hell that I could hardly move. I soon caught my father's eye, and he reminded me that it was bed-time. I left the room with a longing to unburden my heart to some one, for a consciousness of sin had settled upon me. The need of a Savior was thus felt early in life. Daylight was anxiously looked for, in hopes that it would bring relief, but when it came it did not lift the darkness from my soul. We lived in Lewis county, Kentucky, on the Kinnikinnick, nine miles from Vanceburg. 8 LOOKING BACK FROM BEULAH The nearest church was five miles away. From the time I was first convicted I had no opportunity of attending a meeting for two years, yet there was such concern at times about my soul that I was scarcely able to work or study. Mother was familiar with many of the old Methodist hymns, and often sang them about her work and before retiring at night. The following hymn of Wesley's on the final account, greatly impressed me: "And must I be to judgment brought, And answer in that day For every vain and idle thought, And every word I say? "Yes, every secret of my heart Shall shortly be made known, And I receive my just desert For all that I have done. "Thou awful judge of quick and dead, The watchful power bestow; So shall I to my ways take heed, To all I speak or do. "If now Thou standest at the door, let me feel Thee near, And make my peace with God, before 1 at Thy bar appear. " The songs she sang were the only ser- mons I heard. They were used by the Spirit to keep me under conviction. Among them CONVICTION AND CONVERSION 9 were: "Come Humble Sinner in Whose Breast," "There Is a Spot to Me More Dear," and, "Show Pity Lord, O Lord Forgive." I meditated on these hymns day and night, and asked mother to buy me a book so I could learn them. She had so many things on her mind that my earnest appeal went un- heeded. Having no one else to go to, I be- lieved that God would answer prayer, and knelt down and asked Him for the book. Two weeks later I went to visit my eldest sister at her home. In the evening, when her hus- band returned from town, he threw a beauti- ful leather- bound hymn-book into my lap, with the remark, "I thought we needed a hymn book here. " I was delighted with this book, and much of my time was spent at their home in memorizing hymns. Two years elapsed. A revival meeting was in progress in the church before men- tioned. My father, eldest brother and two sisters were converted in this meeting. I had the opportunity of going only twice. At the first service I attended I went forward to the altar, and the next evening joined the church on probation; but no real change of heart was experienced and my soul languished in darkness, more miserable than before. Hav- ing been encouraged by receiving a hymn-book in answer to prayer, I prayed for a Bible also. io LOOKING BACK FROM BEULAH After having attended our district school for a few months, the teacher came to me and said, ' 'Do you know you are going to win the prize in your spelling class?" This was a surprise to me, for one of my sisters, who was in the same class, was a much better speller than I. The prize was to be either a Bible or an album, and when the teacher asked me which I preferred, I exclaimed, "THE BI- BLE!" On the last day of the term she placed in my hand a Bible with a gilt edge and a clasp. This book was valued above anything that I had ever before owned. All my spare moments were devoted to it. The first four books of the New Testament were read and reread, and many verses, including all of the fourteenth chapter of St. John, were committed to memory. My probationary membership in the church was drawing to a close, at the end of which time I expected to be baptized and taken into full connection in the church. I had lived in hopes that peace would come to my soul then, but in this I was mistaken. The membership vows and water baptism brought no change of heart. Now that I had been accepted as a member, I supposed that every- one thought I was a Christian, but too well I knew better. I knew Jesus had denounced hypocrites, and He and John the Baptist CONVICTION AND CONVERSION n called them a "generation of vipers;" some- thing kept saying, "Hypocrite, hypocrite." There were rattlesnakes and vipers in that part of Kentucky, which were a constant dread, and the thought of being compared to them horrified me. The Methodist preacher visited our home occasionally, but never spoke to me about my soul. My eldest brother was taken down with typhoid fever, and for weeks his life hung in the balances. He was not saved, and the thought of his being lost in the hell that the Bible tells us about, nearly distracted me. There were days while he was sick, that I had scarcely any appetite for food. He, like myself, was a member of the church, but even though he had been converted I was satisfied he was then a backslider. I watched him very closely and wondered why the other members of the family were not more con- cerned about his soul. On a Sunday morning I ran all the way to the home of my eldest sister, without being sent, to tell her that he was worse. She did not manifest the sorrow that I expected her to, and I went back home crying. - Arriving at my brother's bedside again, I found an old German neighbor there. He turned away, shook his head and groaned. I understood what that meant. Our pastor had 1 V ;., isij '-"■'-■■ i mkh ■nwiaiikr' ~* l- - — ■ ', . " i ->■■': ■ ■r-fc * '»*■'■ 1 E |n « H$ IsjsL Hi CONVICTION AND CONVERSION 13 not called, and I wondered why mother did not send for him. The next morning there was still no change for the better, but somehow I felt that something was going to be done in his behalf. Looking down the road I recognized our preacher coming on horseback. Soon he was at my brother's bedside, reading and praying. As he read the third verse of the 103d Psalm, "Who forgivethall thine iniquities; who heal- eth all thy diseases," every muscle in my brother's face quivered, and his countenance changed, which left a lasting impression upon me. I believed that God reclaimed him at that moment. Mother's tears were flowing, and the preacher looked pleased. I could not restrain my emotion and foolishly left the room to weep. I should have stayed by the bedside and had my cry out, and others per- haps would have gotten under conviction. I did not realize then that I was quenching the Spirit. After this scene, until my brother was restored to health, all concern left me as to whether he lived or died. I knew that if it were God's will to call him away, that his sins were forgiven. My greatest concern now was about my own soul, and I would willingly have chosen sickness, if through physical suffering the desired change could have been brought about in my heart. There was no one to i 4 LOOKING BACK FROM BEULAH whom I could go for help or advice, and no one seemed to be concerned about my salva- tion. The world and its pleasures had no attraction for me while in this condition. Much of the time I was silent, and was often accused of being sullen, by people who did not understand that it was real conviction. Two years more of trial and heart-anguish passed. On a Sunday afternoon, with my brother and sister, I attended quarterly meet- ing in Northcutt chapel, seven miles away. The presiding elder, for whom the chapel was named, preached the sermon. He took his text from Prov. 18:24: "There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." I felt that every word he spoke was intended for me. Near the close of his sermon he told of one who had neglected salvation and died without hope. Kind friends had ministered to his wants and done all- that loving hearts and hands could do to comfort him in his dying hours, but while breathing his last, instead of angels coming to bear him away on their white pinions, demons were present to escort him to the black chambers of despair. As he de- scribed the horrors of the dying man, an un- seen power took hold of me ; I sat motionless, wishing an altar call might be made, and that some one would help me to go forward, but to my disappointment, no invitation was given . CONVICTION AND CONVERSION 15 It would be impossible to tell what I suf- fered after reaching home. I sought places of retirement where I might breathe out my soul to God. Often in the night-time deliver- ance seemed very near; I could almost reach out and grasp the blessing, when the enemy would whisper: "If you get converted you will shout and awaken everybody in the house." He kept me in constant fear, know- ing how much out of the ordinary it would have been fcr a person in our home to shout and praise the Lord. My father invited a minister of the M. E. Church to preach in our school house, where a class was formed and our membership placed. He was a young college graduate and preached good sermons, but had no power. He flour- ished his left hand gracefully in order to dis- play a gold ring which he wore. I wondered at his disregard for God's word and the Methodist discipline, which forbid the wearing of gold. The enemy used this ring to distract my thoughts from spiritual things. I won- dered who would be the fortunate (?) young woman on whose finger this ring would be placed sooner or later. In a short time after he came to the charge a girl of my own age was wearing it, who became his wife a few months later. The very fact that this preach- er fell in love with a fifteen-year-old girl and 1 6 LOOKING BACK FROM BEULAH married her within a year after being placed on this charge, proved that he had no salva- tion. His college education had made a fool of him, rather than fitted him for the minis- try, which is usually the case. The young woman we knew had not a particle of salva- tion ; in fact, she made no profession of Chris- tianity; all that could be said of her was that she was a church member. This man has filled many important pulpits and positions in the Kentucky Conference, and remains until this day without any spiritual life. He promised to hold a protracted meet- ing for us, to which we anxiously looked for- ward. At last the services were begun, but after preaching three evenings, he closed with no particular reason for doing so, claiming that duty called him elsewhere. After he left the charge, another young college preach- er was sent, who proved to have less ability than his predecessor. Our hope for a revival was again blasted. The Lord had answered my prayer for a hymn-book and a Bible, had converted my brother and raised him from a bed of sickness, and I believed it was time to pray for a preacher to come who would hold special re- vival services and give the people a chance to publicly seek the Lord. There were no re- grets when our pastor left, and we anxiously CONVICTION AND CONVERSION 17 awaited his successor. W. B. Godbey was sent in answer to prayer. He began special meetings in our neighborhood November 5, 1878. I was away from home and did not attend the first service ; the second evening I went forward with others on the first invita- tion. Our hired man knelt near me, whom I had always considered very wicked, as he at- tended balls and places of worldly amusement. After a short struggle he leaped to his feet shouting. On the other side of me was a worldly neighbor girl who loved to dance; she broke through and began to praise God for deliverance from her sins. These conversions were a great surprise to me. I supposed that they, being more worldly than I, would be longer in finding Christ. In this my self- righteousness was manifest, which was as filthy rags in God's sight. I had to learn that salvation is a free gift, and not merited by any one; also that grace will reach as far as sin has gone, when conditions are met, and that through faith in the atoning blood we are made free. I found no relief that evening, and left the house in great distress. I could hear the wails of the lost, and felt that one more step would take me over the brink into the abyss. Everything hitherto tried had failed to bring relief, and I knew that it was not in the power of human beings to help i8 LOOKING BACK FROM BEULAH me. All desire for food was taken from me. The next day, as far as possible, I re- mained out of sight. The cry of my soul was: "I must be saved to-night or be lost forever." On entering the meeting house that evening, I found the seats all taken except two benches near the speaker, that were used for mourners. I sat down on one of these, near the end, and held tightly to keep from falling to the floor, for I was almost prostrated under my load. The text was Romans 6:23: "The wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Breathing became difficult as the preacher thundered the terrors of the law. The old serpent seemed to be tightening his coils about me. Convic- tion was settling down with such power on the congregation that some turned sick and sought to escape from the house. One of my uncles, who had been trying to be a Universa- list, went out and threw up his supper, and returned. Hell was uncapped; men looked into it and became desperately sick of their sins. The call for seekers brought many to the altar. Demons seemed to be clutching at my heart-strings as I sank to the floor at the end of the seat. A sister came to talk with me, but I was sorry she did so, as I wished to be alone. When she left, the preacher came and knelt at my side and asked me to repeat p c n o o f B o c o o B to B O $?,■ ^ f . * wm. .. a ■ -7-w .- ~ . HI ' : '^j!**