CORNELL 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
Cornell University Library 
 PR4518.C51R7 
 
 Romulus and Remus; or, Rome was not built 
 
 3 1924 013 468 669 
 
Cornell University 
 Library 
 
 The original of tliis book is in 
 tlie Cornell University Library. 
 
 There are no known copyright restrictions in 
 the United States on the use of the text. 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924013468669 
 
ROMULUS ANB REMUS ; 
 
 OS 
 
 ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY: 
 
 A CLASSICAL, AND WHAT ONE MAY CALL 
 A MOST ABSUEDLY EIDIOULOUS 
 
 IN ONE ACT. 
 
 BEIKO iJH AITEMFI AT SOMEIHINO 
 
 POUNDED ON ROMAN HISTORY. 
 
 BX 
 
 T. R DILLON OROKER. 
 
 '^mkl far prinatt ntiulatinn. 
 
 1869. 
 
My Beab Me. Plabtchb, 
 
 The remembrance of your long Btanding 
 friendsliip witli tliose most dear to me, induces me to dedicate 
 this slight sketch to you, certainly not because I consider it 
 has any intrinsic merit; it is, as you wUL see, nothing more 
 than an idea for a burlesque, and possesses, in its present 
 form little of the requisites for public representation. It is 
 scarcely necessary to state that, for the notion of " Chorus," I 
 am indebted to your admirable " Golden Fleece." The story 
 of " Eomulus and Eemus" haying hitherto escaped burlesque 
 treatment, I was desirous of making it my maiden effort. I 
 have succeeded only in producing the foUowing very imperfect 
 outline. 
 
 That you will again delight Christmas and Easter Audiences 
 with productions from your prolific and polished pen, is the 
 wish of the public, as well as that of, 
 
 My dear Me. Planche, 
 
 Yours, very faithfully, 
 
 T. F. DILLON CEOKEK 
 
 6, Stband, 
 
 March, 1859. 
 
Performed at the Theatre Eoyal, " Dowktbhook," at Blackheath, 
 under the Management of H. Ha.btibt, Esq. 
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONS. 
 
 King Amttlius Mr. Qreatrex. 
 
 Master of the Gtjabd. not [q] white, but almost, > ,, . ^ ,. 
 
 as great a black-guard as his Master ... J ■^''*'*'' <3''W'^»»«-- 
 
 Faustttlus, the King's Shepherd Mr. Shepherd. 
 
 EoMTTLUS I Twins by E.HEA Sylvia, "berry much ( Master Ccesar. 
 Eemxts ) alike, specially Eemtts." ( Master Pompey. 
 
 IS'ttmitob Mr. Green. 
 
 EtrraiAN No. 1. \ Arcades amho, i. e. black- j Mr. Black. 
 Ettpfian No. 2. i guards both. ( Mr. Brown. 
 
 Ehea Sylvia, with a Scena, or something or other \ 
 which suits her voice to a t. [N.B. The J 
 reader is particularly requested to remark I 
 that this is intended to be a medicinal / Miss Fortune. 
 as well as a musical joke with a strong I 
 Hebraic accent, and that it is a most 1 
 delicate allusion to S(h)enna Tea / 
 
 Laueesttia, Faustulus' "good lady" Mrs. Caudle. 
 
 LuPA, engaged from the Eegent's Park Gax-dens, \ 
 
 or rather one of the Wolf's dens, at a vast > Mr. Denman. 
 expense, and bearable for a Wolf. ) 
 
 Choeus, a sort of classic Paul Pry, with this ' 
 
 exception that he is always in the way \ -nr -y -pv •* 
 when wanted, and never otherwise, ' " ' -^""'• 
 though wise at other times 
 
 SoLDiEES, -Peasants, &c.. 
 By as much supernwinerary talent as there is room for. 
 
 The toga-ry is from authentic sketches, and the baby linen required 
 is got up regardless of expense ; it is expected that the costume, if it 
 does not cost a smUe, wUl be of sufficiently cost-humorous a character. 
 
 Pbeiod 730 TO 753 oe thebeabouts. 
 
THE ARGUMENT. 
 
 Scene I. — Palace of King Amulius. The King's unpopularity is 
 Booa revealed. He enters and is about to make a speech, when he 
 is' called to order by a gentleman, who, undertaking the part 
 of Chorus, stops him for a short period with a little explanation, 
 which does not briag from the king a note of admiration, but 
 rather one of exclamation, in short he does not like it at all ; however, 
 as the Choeus has once caught the speaker's eye, he does not let it 
 drop, but goes on at the risk of raising his ire, and after some irony 
 steals off and allows Amulitts to brazen it out ; this he does immedi- 
 ately, giving his orders to his Mastee of- the Gtjaed, which he 
 expects executed-'— also his Nephew. Ntjmitoe's son is killed, the 
 twins of S/HEA Sylvia are to be thrown into the river from its 
 bank (quere, Twining's), and the mother fares rmn the better. The 
 Chobus, who has promised to explain, appears again on the scene, from 
 which it will be seen that he performs that part which he promises, 
 introducing the (as a matter of course) enlightened audience to 
 
 Scene II. — ^A Wood. "Would it not be called by those who see it — 
 a den near the straits of 5aSe-lmandel : this is anticipated. Fausiulus 
 loses his way very naturally, looking after his sheep he becomes the 
 victim of a lose us nature, eh P and so finds the twins, who are being 
 nursed by a " wolf in sheep's clothing." He takes them away, being 
 supposed to have somehow found it again. Khba, the more efectually 
 tj prevent her rearing any offspring is cast off in a very summary 
 manner to drift down the Tiber, which'is perhaps taking a liberty 
 with history; but as her story — that is to say her fate — has been 
 always enveloped in a mist, this mysterious portion, which cannot by 
 any means be said to be her due, may be allowed at the close of a loud 
 and fruitless appeal and wringing of hands, to pass current. She 
 sings with great feeUng, but all to no purpose ; she is treated just the 
 same by her conductors, who not having the -requisite ear for music 
 nor the heart to feel for another, lead her shamefully to the brink of 
 her destruction, and are supposed to drown her (behind the scenes). 
 
 Scene III. — Interior of FAUsirLus' Cottage, with his children's 
 cots (six). They had twelve sons (see history). There is a good deal of 
 raillery in a humble station. During the time the twins are supposed 
 to be trained in the way they shotdd go the classical curtain is drawn, 
 as a make-weight, and a very good title for it too, inasmuch as it 
 makes the audience wait for the next scene. The Choeus is as good as 
 his word, and becomes an abettor in the plot. A brilliant idea sug- 
 gests itself (such a jest !) as to how the piece is to be proceeded with, 
 and he accomplishes wonders, shewing how Eoman nobs can tackle 
 with surprising cuteness what might to others have been an obstacle, 
 as he introduces 
 
ScENB rV. — EomanEoad. The Tarpeian and Aventine Mounts in 
 the distance. Dance by peasants. E.oiiiri.i7S and S.Eurs not being 
 able to settle their differences by ballet, each vote that they have 
 equal right to found the city. They are neither brotherly nor even 
 eommonly polite, and have a very unbecoming quarrel over their 
 rights. EoMULTTs considers himself legitimately entitled to the 
 throne, and that therefore a bird in the hand is worth any number in 
 the skies. A fight ensues — a desperate combat, of course, without a 
 second's consideration. EoMtJLtrs comes off victorious, but conscience 
 immediately cowes him for having bullied his brother, and he thinks 
 it wlQ set off his character if he sets off to place Numitoe upon the 
 throne, he being after all the rightful inheritor ; he endeavours to 
 atone in some way for at first assuming such a high tone, and meeting 
 with him imezpectedly, he asks him, as it is meet he should, to inherit 
 the throne ; the love of power — inherent in all — prevails still in the old 
 man, and he accepts the offer of a penitent grandson ; being most 
 likely more influenced by the love of power foresaid than by the 
 " power of love !" Two characters turn up again without being called 
 for. 
 
 Scene V. — Eoman Pass. Things at last have come to a very 
 pretty one. The OHOErs can form no exact conclusion on the subject, 
 so without exacting more from the audience, he thinks, that peace 
 being proclaimed, the piece may come to one satisfactorily, therefore 
 he introduces for that purpose 
 
 Scene YI. — Ntjmitoe's Palace. Numitor discovered established 
 on the throne amidst a grand display of Eoman Candles, from the 
 
 establishment of . The usual tag being spoken before the Eoman 
 
 rag and bobtaU, a flare-up wUl, it is to be hoped, bring the curtain 
 down to the satisfaction of all concerned, especially the audience. 
 
ROMULUS AND EEMUS. 
 
 Scene I.— PAXAGE OF KING AMTTLIUS. 
 
 CouBT discovered ranged round the stage. Soldiers, &c., 
 singing, as curtain rises. 
 
 Air — " The Postman's Knock." 
 
 Wliat a terrible king Amulius was, 
 
 We read in ancient lore, 
 And how great a tyrant lie could be 
 
 Towards high, low, ricb and poor. 
 If in any face he rebellion could trace. 
 
 Or find out conspiracy, 
 He Tery soon knew what to be at 
 
 After such a diskivery. 
 
 Every day, as sure as the clock, 
 Somebody here had his head on the block. 
 
 " No. 1 " he took care of, and if we were bold 
 
 He would put us to death, no doubt ; 
 For we read that he went to no end of a length 
 
 If his wishes were not carried out: 
 An order for an execution he'd leave, 
 
 And often his presence would prove 
 An acknowledgment some one would get of his hate. 
 
 But none would acknowledge his love. 
 As every day, sure as the clock. 
 Somebody here had his head on the block. 
 
 May such orders come seldom, and as we expect 
 
 Amulius very soon here, 
 We hope that ere this he is changed for the better, 
 
 And will not be quite so severe. 
 Far back is the time when Amulius reigned. 
 
 And we think that it is rather hard 
 
10 
 
 To be forced to appear once again on the scene, 
 Which we cannot as pastime regard. 
 For every day, sure as the clock, 
 Somebody's head may be on the block. 
 
 [Master of the Guard enters. 
 
 MASTER or THE GUARD. 
 
 Silence, jiist cease this caterwauling, will you ? 
 Your king is here, and precious queer — 
 
 \to refractory soldiers.'] Keep still, you. 
 Something is up with him, I'll bet a crown, 
 Though he seems to be looking monstrous down. 
 Stand on your best behaviours, in your places. 
 If you would serve yourselves, preserve your graces. 
 And pay him marked " attention." 
 
 A SOLDIER. 
 
 if you please, 
 
 I wish to goodness we could " stand at ease." 
 Our king's a savage really most tyranical — 
 In fact — ^to speak advisedly — Satanical ! 
 
 MASTER OF THE GUARD. 
 
 He comes ; no grumbling, he will safe and surely 
 Treat all such cases very prematurely. 
 
 Amulius enters in deep abstraction, to appropriate music, 
 and seats himself on the throne. Soldiers surround 
 him. Master of the Guard approaches. 
 *AMULius [rising.'} 
 You noisy rascals, I'll have order here — 
 I must be cool, go some one draw some beer — 
 On second thoughts though, don't, I calculate 
 I've had enough to-day. I beg to state 
 The state is in a state that's rather queer. 
 So I must not be found in one of beer. 
 And be yourselves as brisk as beer in bottle ; 
 Let no man sing if he would keep his throttle. 
 His head is on the block, or on a tree 
 The blockhead swings, in either case you see 
 The (h) alteTnative, should any refuse, 
 Woidd be a settler. Now then, what's your news ? 
 
 [To Master of the Guard. 
 
 * The speeches of AjiuLitrs may or may not be delivered in imita- 
 tion of a popular Tragedian. 
 
11 
 
 Have you done that which — 
 
 [Choktjs enters hastily and interferes. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Holloa, stop a bit — 
 Now wait for me, and down a moment sit. 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Pray who are you, and why this interference ? 
 
 CHORTJS. 
 
 I am the Chorus, [Amulhts bows, and site] and would make 
 
 I appear — permission being granted — [aU clear, hence 
 
 (Though you appear to think I am not wanted) 
 
 To say that this is something taken slightly 
 
 From Titus Livius and Doctor Keightley. 
 
 At the commencement it is only right — 
 
 To make your audience understand it quite — 
 
 First to explain the scene is laid in Rome, 
 
 And tell them who you are when you're at home. 
 
 This, then, is Rome — ^though founded it is not — 
 
 Which you will find as we reveal the plot ; 
 
 And ere you give an audience to day, Lw^J- 
 
 Let me give these l_pointing to the audience^ a notion of it. 
 
 Behold a king who plots! and plots in vain 
 
 The plot, which I am aching to explain. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, from Roman History 
 
 I will endeavour to clear up the mystery. 
 
 ISings J Air—" Fall of Paris." 
 
 If you wiU allow me, I wiH try and make a little clear 
 The mystery which history has scarcely been and done, I fear; 
 And though this a travestie is of what was very serious. 
 It is but right to view it quite in proper light mysterious ; 
 Then if you still conceive that there no truth in the adapter is. 
 Take down your Ronian history, and in the second chapter is 
 Enough to give authority for what there is to come, — 
 
 KiUing, thrilling, 
 
 Singing, flinging, 
 
 Drowning, crowning. 
 
 Reigning, gaining, 
 
 Nursing, cursing. 
 
 Flying, spying,— 
 
 In it there is some ; 
 
12 
 
 'Tis classical and quite correct, sirs, though you'll wonder, I 
 
 [expect, sirs. 
 What the fall of Paris possibly can have to do with Borne. 
 
 Amulius is on the throne, and Numitor his brother is — 
 Procas is their father, but I don't know who their mother is. 
 Amulius the sceptre wrests from Numitor to whom by rights 
 It should belong, but right or wrong he does'nt care he never 
 His brother thus unlawmlly comes into the succession [fights. 
 And rests his hopes on nine points of the law, i. e., possession. 
 He leaves his brother quiet, as he does not want a riot. 
 But he has his nephew murdered while out hunting he's from 
 
 Killing, thrilling, [home ; 
 
 Rowing, vowing, 
 
 Crowing over 
 
 Everybody, 
 What a pity 'tis that some one does not amputate his comb. 
 'Tis classical and quite correct sirs, though you'll wonder, I 
 
 [expect, sirsj 
 What the fall of Paris possibly can have to do with Borne. 
 
 Now, Bhea Sylvia, just because she was his niece, he thought 
 
 [her sirs 
 An obstacle, and therefore he consigned her to the water, sirs : 
 First, to a dreary convent, sending her to be a nun for— > 
 He thought if she was taken in there she might perhaps be 
 
 [done for. 
 But he was taken in instead by Bomulus and Bemus, sirs. 
 And classical and quite correct I hope you will esteem us sirs. 
 As even Boman history throws a great deal of mystery 
 Over that there " business," and does not feel at honie, — 
 
 Kill in g, thrilling, 
 
 Singing, flinging, 
 
 Drowning, crowning, 
 
 Beigning, gaining, 
 
 Nursing, cursing. 
 
 Spying, flying,— 
 _ In it there is some ; [expect, sirs, 
 
 'Tis classical and quite correct, sirs, though you'll wonder, I 
 What the fall of Paris possibly can have to do with Borne. 
 
 CHOKUS. 
 
 Having explained things far from my invention, 
 I leave the king to tell his own intention ; 
 
18 
 
 Ergo, ego, I — go — and that means eo, 
 
 Lest in him I should rouse the Boman leo.. [Exit, 
 
 AMULius \nsmg as bq^re.] 
 
 Well then, as 1 was just about to say, 
 
 Before this Chorus stopped me on the way, 
 
 Have you done that which may be thought a shame 
 
 To that old " party," JV^Mmitor by name — 
 
 Is his Son killed) and he himself put down ? 
 
 MASTER or THE GUAKD. 
 
 He'U never see his way to hal/'O-ermim. ; 
 Upon that head you need have little fear, 
 Bfls Son's head has beem put upon his bier. 
 For that your rnteresta may yet advance, 
 (Not to give him the shadow of a chance) 
 His rising Son is settled, and won't see 
 To-morrow's morn t0> a dead certainty. 
 
 AiMXTLIUS. 
 
 'Tis well though cruel ; yet it is, a kind 
 Of duty makes us go in mouming mind. 
 Therefore we here announce that you aU, go 
 To-morrow mouming for a month or so ; 
 Vaulting ambition is a siin of mine,. 
 To see «nm safely in his vault is thiae, 
 " To prick the sides of my intent " to sin 
 " I have no spur," and do not care a pin ; 
 Have you, that maid, Mias Sylvia, made a vestal. 
 For that must be — ^well, may be — foFthe rest all 
 My course is clear,, and this my plan of course. 
 Not only to. secure the throne by ftjrce, 
 Buitkeep it, and I feel her presence shakes it,. 
 AU is of no avail unless she takes it. 
 
 MASIBR OF THE GUARD. 
 
 She has been quickly to the Temple sent,^ 
 
 The door secured by pure Roman cement. 
 
 For as you thought she meant.to stop your gamej, 
 
 We though* cement would stop her's juat the same. 
 
 Once placed within a convent, I'll! engage 
 
 Upon you, safely she can vent her rage. 
 
14 
 
 AMTJLIUS. 
 
 Convent ! would not a dungeon have been better P 
 
 MASTER OF THE GtJAKD. 
 
 It is a cell for her — out they won't let her, 
 'Tis very like a veil (pardon a jester) 
 In Vesta's temple with it they'll invest her, 
 And so we feel the maid is safe at last, 
 Being within the capitol made fast. 
 
 AMTJLIUS. 
 
 A capital idea, I'm reassured, 
 
 And this must cure her — ^being so secured — 
 
 Of thwarting me — ^bring tidings of her quick, 
 
 For this deed you're indeed a Roman brick, 
 
 She can't get out from there, and I begin 
 
 To think she s like a kettle — ^best blocked in (tin) ; 
 
 At all events 'tis certain in that quarter. 
 
 Safely bricked up, she is herself the martyr (mortar) 
 
 Therefore as compensation, if she's quiet. 
 
 She need not be confined to a low diet. 
 
 As in confinement it may prove a treat. 
 
 If you can find her, what she likes to eat. 
 
 MASTER OF THE GUARD. 
 
 I fly like bricks — and so, Sire, does my tile. 
 
 [His hoi flies off as he is running out. Picks it vp and 
 runs off. 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 You stupid elf are my hats made to spile; 
 
 Come back — [Master of the Ouard returns penitent. 
 
 Go on — ^and henceforth learn at leisure 
 Never to make a tile, sir, of a pleasure. [Eodt Master of the 
 As I have had some work to get the throne, [Quard. 
 
 I'll try and keep it from contention's bone. 
 For I will do to all that which I told them — 
 I'll rule the roast till 'tis too hot to hold them 
 So let somebody roimd about proclaim 
 That I intend to stop their little game, 
 As gently as you can, you will inform them 
 My meaning of the vulgar phrase, " I'U warm them," 
 Is in that way to treat my upstart heirs (hares), 
 If they are game to make my business theirs. 
 
16 
 
 EXCITED CITIZEN NO. 1. 
 
 To roast those heirs — although they might die game 
 Od rabbit it, appears a burning shame. 
 
 EXCITED CITIZEN NO. 2, 
 
 Think twice before you act as you desire, 
 And put on paper all you may require. 
 
 EXCITED CITIZEN NO. 3. 
 
 I think, your gracious majesty, 'tis better 
 That you do write — ^then we wiU to the letter 
 Obey all your commands, we know we must, 
 Whether or no, still may they not be just ? 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Silence, but straightway tell those it concerns, 
 
 Justice they shall haTe, just as if 'twere Burns'. 
 
 I prize a poet, but intend to show 'em, 
 
 I prize my kingdom more than any poem : 
 
 Aid if the siUy people stUl conspire. 
 
 They'll put my pipe out, which I sha'nt admire. 
 
 So tell my, slippery neighbours, now in Gfreece, 
 
 I wish these to be piping times of peace. 
 
 Peace, then, nor look so very much aghast ; 
 
 m have a peace — one that I hope will last : 
 
 If not, let them beware, for I'll be wary ; 
 
 I'll sack them with grape shot — but not canary ; 
 
 Or, as in China, poison try instead, 
 
 By means of alum — ^put it in their bread — 
 
 Some adult baker, without hesitation. 
 
 Might say that it was but adulteration ; 
 
 And let their drink be only chalk and water, — ■ 
 
 I dont do things by halves, and give no quarter. 
 
 Talk of a London fog, ia which to stick, 
 
 I'U stick at nothing, were it twice as thick ; 
 
 Though how I am to act at present here 
 
 Is slightly foggy, while it's very clear, 
 
 That as some punishment for all my sins. 
 
 My reign most inauspiciously begins — 
 
 [Master of the Gf^uAED rushes in breathless. 
 
 MASTER OF THE GUARD. 
 
 Oh, please your gracious majesty ! 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Well, what ? 
 
16 
 
 MASTER or THE GUARD. 
 
 Well, please your majesty, I'd rather not. 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Speak out. 
 
 MASTER OF THE GUARD. 
 
 Rhea Sylvia — you'll think me cracked — 
 Has been and gone, and done — ^had twins in fact. 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Twins ! nonsense, and what's more, I do not please. 
 On what plea do you say such things as these P 
 A broad assertion, which if noised abroad, 
 I may (without there is a flaw) be floored^ 
 
 MASTER OP The GUARD. 
 
 Indeed both babes to whom you've thus objected,^ 
 Are quite as well as — ^if they'd been-— expected.^ 
 They squalled, Sire, and did such a clamour make, 
 I'U stake my life thait th^re is no mistake. 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Such proof is positive, there's no denying— 
 
 I'll spare the rod, and spoil, at least, their crying : 
 
 Although I've got for them, and that they qmck '11 
 
 Find, another sort of a rod in pickle. ■ 
 
 To spring up thus — some mischief must have brought 'em- 
 
 And they ought not to be coneidered, ought 'em ? 
 
 Lest, summarily, they should hatch some treason,— 
 
 To (w) interfere at once, I have good reason : 
 
 Go, seize on them, and their quietus give-r* 
 
 As they are out of season they sha'nt Eve, 
 
 MASTER OF THE 6UAKD \d&precatingly.'\ 
 Sire I 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 I have not yet finished, wait a minute ;. 
 The Tiber's handy, and I'll have 'em ia it. 
 Though she has really twins,, 1 do not fear them ; 
 She'^s brass enough, yet Sylvia sha'nt rear them. 
 For their complaint, a remedy is sure. 
 As well as for my own, — the water cure. 
 Into it throw them then — ^you understand — 
 I want that he — ^race eraced from the land. 
 
17 
 
 The notion is a good one, which I think 
 
 WUl bring them both to their destruction's brink ; 
 
 Besides, this drowning business is new— 
 
 Though, in (d)round numbers, I have slain a few. 
 
 For some complaints the water cure is fine— 
 
 'Tis curious — ^yet what a cure for mine. 
 
 The nights just now are dark as pitch, you know, 
 
 So none will see you. To the Tiber go 
 
 And pitch them over into it ; then arter 
 
 Say " bye, bye," for they will have caught a " Ta ta." 
 
 If any one asks questions, you can say 
 
 The bank was slippery, and so gave way : 
 
 That, after all, is little to disclose, — 
 
 " I know a bank " occasionally goes. 
 
 Of course as you take to the river side 'em. 
 
 You cannot help whatever may betide 'em ; 
 
 Or, if you think it better, when you've got 'em, 
 
 You have my leave, by ticket, to garotte 'em. 
 
 MASTER OF THE GUARD. 
 
 Garotting, Sire ? 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Yes, in Vogue once greatly : 
 We have not heard of many cases lately. 
 It was the ticket when those meant to thieve 
 Who were not men of honour, but of leave ; 
 A way they had of shortening the breath. 
 Leaving their victims just one short of death ; 
 The force of robbery could go no further, 
 Such the distinction between theft and murder 
 
 MASTER OF THE GUARD. 
 
 Would you have me such nice distinction draw ? 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Why, yes, it is a knotty point in law. 
 
 On second thoughts, I must not have them strangled. 
 
 They can be washed without their being mangled ; 
 
 Throw dust in Sylvia's eyes, who as you start with them. 
 
 May very likely say she will not part with them ; 
 
 Should with her tongue she try to mollify you. 
 
 You must not mind if woman's tongue should try you ; 
 
 Such lip-salve you may humour if you choose. 
 
 But you can " salve her out" if she refuse 
 
18 
 
 You what you ask, yet first with some palaver, 
 
 Just hand my card to her upon a salver ; 
 
 Say I can't come myself, but that you hope 
 
 She'U let you wash the boys — ^try your soft soap ; 
 
 Or, if you like, it would be no great sin — 
 
 She being a bad lot — to throw her in : 
 
 The bowl will hold the three for half a minute 
 
 And thus bowled out, she'll drown her sorrow in it. 
 
 Inform me of their final plunge, then we 
 
 Will make you in that case a K.O.B. 
 
 MASTEK OF THE GTJAED. 
 
 Will nothing I can urge yet help to save her, — 
 Be just, and strain just one point in her favor ; 
 You might in time relent, so. Sire, forgive her ! 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Oh no, I sha'nt, so shye her in the river. 
 
 I never gainsay anything I order. 
 
 Or dare you flinch, because I hate soft sawder ; 
 
 The quality of mercy is not strained. 
 
 I per-sieve-here until my point is gained — 
 
 MASTER OF THE GUARD. 
 
 To err is hximan — 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Yes, to her it may be is, 
 But as to human, you mun drown the babies. 
 So cease addressing me in that there strain, 
 I'll thank you not to try it on again. 
 Away with her, iato the Tiber throw her, 
 'Tis not the Mersey, so no mercy shew her ; 
 In Rome, to act like Romans is the rule. 
 And this is Rome, it is not Liverpool. 
 Repentance is a stool I never sat on. 
 But verhwm sat, and so coupez voire baton ; 
 Which HteraUy means, French leave take quick. 
 Or, in the vulgar, amputate your stick ; 
 Delay is dangerous, I cannot brook it. 
 For I may be undone, before you hook it. 
 
 [Master of the Guard runs off. 
 'Tis odd, I dreamt a dream the other night. 
 Which has not left me, (and it serves me right). 
 
19 
 
 That Rhea had t\ro boys, one by mishap 
 Turned up and claimed the throne, the other chap 
 Wanted it too, and when the first was crowned. 
 Said you be hanged, I wish you had been drowned. 
 Still what is in a dream that may not vary, 
 I'm sure this coidd not go much more contrary ; 
 Yet have I hopes by such a rule to find 
 Myself still ruler, and the fates still kind ; 
 Or else, I fear, ere many years shall pass 
 AmuUus may look more nke an ass. 
 
 FOUR CITIZENS murmur. 
 Oh I 
 
 Oh!! 
 
 Oh!!! 
 
 Oh ! ! ! ! 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 What do you mean by " Oh ?" 
 Such criticisms will not do, you know ; 
 If at a joke, however bad, you scoff, 
 With such loud cries of " Oh," I'U pay you off. 
 To send the boys adrift is my intention. 
 And this, with or without dissent I mention. 
 With their descent our rising generation 
 Will greatly sink in public estimation. 
 Then no more scent of them; when, without fuss. 
 Affairs will go on swimmingly with us. [Chorus steps/orward. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Are you quite sure they will ? 
 
 AMULIUS. 
 
 Silence you, Chorus. 
 Once more, why question the result before us ? 
 What I am doiag founded is on fact, 
 'Tis your part omy to explain — I act. 
 You have assurance thus to put me out — 
 Upon myUfe, jonr policy I doubt. 
 As history assures you, I act rightly ; 
 Blame Livy if you like, and Doctor Keightley. 
 Oh, dear, I'm very tired, so methinks 
 I'U to my couch and take my forty winks. 
 Lest from my fortitude I should be shrinking. 
 And so I'm off, in point ~of fact, like " winking." 
 
 lUosit Amulius, and Soldiers disperse. 
 
 c 2 
 
20 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Well, gentle critics, what is it you say. 
 
 Do not you think this is a heavy play ? 
 
 But here am I, more matters to explain, 
 
 Amulius having begun his reign ; 
 
 Still mil he not remain upon" the throne. 
 
 Though still he seems to hail it as his own ; 
 
 He'll have to mizzle when he least expects, 
 
 Give up his goods, ambition's bad effects ; 
 
 It's rather hard, but still no use complaining ; 
 
 It damps his ardour, and he ceases reigning. 
 
 The wind won't blow the way of his desire. 
 
 Proving how vain it is thus to aspire. 
 
 Now to explain the business between 
 
 The lapse of time before the second scene : 
 
 The babes are there discovered, as we're told. 
 
 By Faustulus. The shepherd from his fold 
 
 Has flocked towards the river, where a " super " 
 
 Performs the part of nurse, — the gentle Lupa — 
 
 Which, as the ladies may not all be pat in 
 
 That language, is for a she wolf the Latin ; 
 
 Her den, of course was, there is little doubt, 
 
 The Lupa hole, through which they could get out. 
 
 In such a mess they had their bit and sup. 
 
 And wood peckers would keep their peckers up. 
 
 It is a wood scene, painted with some care,- 
 
 By " our own artist," who was never there ; 
 
 That is of little consequence, the trees 
 
 He painted not far off the spot, with ease. 
 
 Upon his easel. It was here they say 
 
 That Faustulus was forced to lose his way. 
 
 And now, at once I introduce, as Chorus, 
 
 Scene 2nd, which is that next seen before us. \_Exit. 
 
 Air, " The Wolf," as the Scene changes. 
 
 Scene II.— A WOOD. 
 Wolf's Den. R. A Wolf discovered nursing the babes to 
 the following : 
 Danty babies diddy. 
 What shall a mammy do wid'e ? 
 But sit in a lap. 
 And give un a pap — 
 Sing danty babies diddy, 
 
21 
 
 Bock a bye babies, mother's a queen, 
 
 Father's a gentleman, or should have been ; 
 
 You are nursed by a Wolf, who bears you in her arms. 
 
 And you'll come to no harm, so just quiet your qualms. 
 
 Air " The Wolf." 
 
 Although babies I devour, 
 
 These to harm I have no power. 
 
 Hush a bye — now go to sleep 
 
 While a careful watch I keep. 
 
 I, a Wolf upon the prowl 
 
 Found these babies, " cheek by jowl," 
 
 Heard them crying at a distance 
 
 Off, rfo off(h)erd them assistance. 
 
 They will take at early date 
 
 After nurse, as sure as fate. 
 
 And be trained, I should not wonder, 
 
 Soon to rifle, rob, and plunder ! 
 
 LUPA. 
 
 DOTit cry, there's dears — oh, who would be a nurse ? 
 A dry rock's bad enough, but this is worse ; 
 For while you cry for food so all the day, 
 I fear you'll quite exhaust the milky way. 
 I'm very tired with this rocking fit on, — 
 It seems to me the only rock we split on. 
 
 Socks the babes to sleep to the air of "Oh/ slumber, my 
 darlmg." Faustulus enters playing on his pipe. 
 
 FAUSTULUS. 
 
 Air— "Little Bo Peep." 
 
 Like little Bo Peep, I've lost my sheep, 
 
 And cannot tell where to find them. 
 So I'll leave them alone, no doubt they'll come home. 
 
 And bring their tails behind them. 
 Like little Bo Peep, I fell asleep. 
 
 And dreamt I heard them bleating, 
 I awoke with a shake, and fotmd put my mistake. 
 
 There's scarcely a chance of our meeting. 
 Yet I took up my crook, determined to look, 
 
 And by hook or by crook to find them ; 
 But wandering here, I very much fear, 
 
 I shall not come behind them. 
 
22 
 
 As with a sigh I piped my eye, 
 
 And over the hills went stump, I 
 Cried out like an ass, till I became hoarse, 
 
 And I feel very sheepish and glumpy. 
 
 FAUSTULUS. 
 
 Where there's a will, &c., so they say. 
 
 But 'gainst my will, I cannot get away ; 
 
 No turning out of this can I descry ; 
 
 Piping my mouth, I fain would pipe my eye. 
 
 This forest is a long way from the town. 
 
 So being tired, I will for rest sit down. [^Sits on tank, l 
 
 I've come at least nine miles away, and then 
 
 The miss, makes it at once as good as ten ; 
 
 No wonder that I thus my way have lost, 
 
 There has not been a single finger post. 
 
 'Tis most preposterous, — ^but what is here ? 
 
 ^Suddenly sees den. 
 A wolf's den, eh P den off I'd better sheer. 
 I must indeed have wandered far from home 
 To be at Aden, when I thought it Rome. 
 I know I have for some time been at sea 
 Without a notion where my sheep can be ; 
 I shall be roaming far ere I perceive them. 
 That's positive : — ^my eyes ! I can't believe them ; 
 There's Mrs. Wolf, surely, — ^'tis a queer start — 
 Performing to some babes the nurses part. 
 For such a situation, who'd engage her ? 
 Dropped from the clouds, perhaps, as a-n-Ursa Major. 
 I never saw before — it might be blindness — 
 A wolf with so much milk of human kindness. 
 I can't a bear such beasts, I never could, 
 So I will try and bear out of this wood 
 The babes — ^they will be better civilized — 
 And then, will not my missus be surprised. 
 So come along, my little dears — 
 
 \_Takes them from Wolf, who growls. 
 I doubt 
 Whether your mother knows that you are out. 
 For young wolves, these possess a very fair skin — 
 They can't be wolves, because they have a bare skin. 
 The nurse seems wild-^should Mr. Rarey know. 
 Perhaps he could tame her for his Rarey show. 
 
23 
 
 After the Zebra, why not this bring forth P 
 I certainly would have ten guineas' worth — 
 Spite of his book, from which you cannot learn 
 For sixpence all the secret in return. 
 These pledges of such gross affiliation, 
 Popped in a most romantic situation, 
 Are just the thing, kind fortune, I declare ; 
 Farewell, nurse, I will see to their welfare. 
 As I may not be straying here again, 
 I'll favor you with a Robsonian strain. 
 
 Air — "Poor Dog Tray." 
 Now, xmless my watch is fast. 
 Our dinner time is past. 
 
 So there can be no harm should I delay ; 
 But as these babies are 
 Almost more than I can bear, 
 
 I had better not go further astray. 
 Oh, they are very heavy — 
 
 If I any longer should stay, 
 I should not be home till late. 
 With such a precious weight. 
 
 And without knowing which is my way. 
 
 \Runs off with them. 
 
 The Wolf enters the den to the air (a few bars played 
 slowly), then changes to hurried Melodramatie music. 
 Two Ruffians enter, dragging on Rhea Sylvia. 
 
 SHEA. 
 
 Unhand me, I can well afford my ransom : 
 
 FIBSX KUFFIAN. 
 
 I can't afford to do it — 
 
 BHEA. 
 
 You're unhandsome. [Offers money. 
 
 FIRST RUFFIAN. 
 
 No, not so very, — ^but that, don't you see, 
 Is not worth so much as my place to me. 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 Forget your place, and without hesitation, 
 Place your own sister in my situation. 
 
24 
 
 SECOND aUTFIAN. 
 
 It is a thing we really could not do ; 
 We might assist her, but we cannot you. 
 Therefore, to put it thus to ug is not one 
 Bit of use, — ^besides, we hav'n't got one. 
 Such reasoning is, therefore, out of place, 
 And does not seem at all to meet your case. 
 Confess at once, as nothing now can save yer — 
 
 BHEA. 
 
 Confess, yourself, that this is not Belgravia. 
 
 FIRST RUFFIAN. 
 
 No more of this — don't say it is untrue — 
 You are convicted, without more ado. 
 However much we might wish to redress 
 The " wrongs of lovely woman in distress," 
 You have no cloak to cover what you've, done — 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 Why, I've done nothing wrong. 
 
 SECOND RUrFIAX. 
 
 Well, its all one ; 
 You'll find you might as well have been to blame,- 
 You're taken on suspicion all the same ; 
 And there are many criminals receive 
 Not half your punishment, so we believe 
 That it is made up in another way, — 
 There's no necessity for this delay. 
 Besides, Amulius says he is sure 
 Prevention's best — we have no (sine) cure. 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 I always have avoided any strife. 
 
 And never crossed him in my chequered life. 
 
 FIRST RUFFIAN. 
 
 Yet to your hopes there seems to be this wrecker. 
 He is more liberal with his exchequer. 
 
 Air — "Soop de dooden do." 
 What's the use of this delay, 
 Arguing in this kiad of way. 
 When you know all we can say 
 Is hoop de dooden do. 
 
• 
 
 Our orders are we must not chat,— 
 You'll very soon know wliat ^ye're at, 
 For we must execute them pat- 
 Hoop de dooden — 
 
 BHEA. linterrupfs.2 
 
 don't! 
 
 SECOND RUFFIAN. 
 
 Air — " JqUy Waggoner." 
 
 Although we must do what we're bid. 
 
 And cannot let you go, 
 Our seemingly hard: hearts are full 
 
 Of sorrow, grief, and woe. 
 We really cannot help it. 
 And that you ought to know ; 
 It grieves us much to throw 
 You in, my lady, though 
 You must prepare to meet the stream 
 That we have brought you to. 
 So, my lady, so 
 
 You had best prepare to go : [runs below. 
 
 There is no one here to aid you, and the river 
 
 BHEA. 
 
 Oh, good gracious, no. 
 
 You surely would not throw 
 
 Me in, and treat an unprotected female so. 
 
 FIRST RUFFIAN. 
 
 This is our final summing up, in short — 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 'Tis summary not to appear in court. 
 
 SECOND RUFFIAN. 
 
 Its quite sufficient to be caught without, 
 
 And we reserve all benefit of doubt. 
 
 It is a trial, but condemned before ; 
 
 No common plea serves (Justice Lynch's law. 
 
 So all I have to add is come on, please, — '• 
 
 It is not feasible to take your fees. 
 
 In fact your offering we may describe 
 
 As one which is much less a fee than bribe. 
 
26 
 
 EHEA. 
 
 There is some truth in that remark I kuow. 
 Still never mind, release me " quick and go." 
 
 Duet — " JBass me quick." 
 
 KHEA. 
 
 Before you talk of drowning me in this inhuman way, 
 I hope you'll wait a minute, I have something yet to say. 
 
 SECOND EUFFIAN. 
 
 That's rather odd and very strange, and after this delay, 
 I wonder very much indeed what still you have to say. 
 
 EHEA. 
 
 It is — release me quick and go. 
 
 SECOND EUFFIAN 
 
 Its funny ; 
 A bribe, my love> we are above. 
 And therefore must say " no." 
 
 EHEA. 
 
 Consider twice 'ere in the stream you mercilessly fling 
 A harmless individual, and never mind the King. 
 
 SECOND EUFFIAN. 
 
 Indeed, we're very sorry, but in spite of all you say. 
 Our flinty hearts will not allow you thus to steal away 
 So, we can't — 
 
 Belease you quick, &c. 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 I give you all I can — 
 
 SECOND EUFFIAN. 
 
 No more, enough ! 
 Lest we may be inclined to^cut up rough. 
 Having received more from another quarter ; 
 Although you whine we must give you some water — 
 Cold here, without— \_pointing off. 
 
 EHEA. 
 
 You thus add to your crime. 
 As I have in hot -water been some time. 
 
21 
 
 FIRST RUFFIAN. 
 
 But it will soon be over, bonS, Me, — 
 With your hands tied you'll go down very tidy. 
 Unlike the Thames, in one respect, 'tis well. 
 You'll find the tide is stronger than the smell. 
 When cast into the stream, your trouble's past : 
 I grieve to say it — ^but your die is cast. 
 
 ^HEA. 
 
 Off, hence, I pray, ere you the task commence — 
 That is (I wish to speak without offence) 
 I do intreat that you will let me go. 
 Nor treat an unprotected female so— 
 Whose cup of misery is full indeed ; 
 My blood be on your heads— 
 
 FIRST RUFFIAN. 
 
 For that, no need : 
 The order is — although we must fulfil it — 
 There's no necessity for us to spill it. 
 'Twill soon be over, notwithstanding this ; 
 Keep up your spirits ere they're watered, miss. 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 Still let me try, for the last time, to touch 
 Yoxir sense of feeling — ^though you have not much. 
 To act thus, where do you expect to go to ? 
 Ere I go, let this here, that air by " Flotow." 
 Glently persuadte. To him I say " bah," sure 
 I sing it rather higfierish, less or Moore. 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 Air-'—"'Tis the last rose of summer." 
 
 Let me run away somewhere. 
 
 And leave me alone ; 
 
 To yourself and companion 
 
 'Twould only be known, 
 
 If you leave me alone, one 
 
 Or both I foresee 
 
 Would be neither the worse, 
 
 So take pity on me. 
 
28 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 Recitatwe. 
 Behold, I kneel before you. 
 
 FIRST RUFFIAN. 
 
 What can we do ? 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 Release me I implore you. [first ruffian 
 Are you still fixed then ? [shakes his head. 
 
 FIRST RUFFIAN 
 
 {A la Charles Kean in Corsican Brothers.) 
 
 Aye, as history. 
 
 We know that what must come to pass must be. 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 Air — " Lost, proscribed." 
 
 A lost and friendless Mother seeks compassion at your hands 
 Before you tie hers behind her as if she were Johnny Sands. 
 On her knee, sir, still is she, sir, and to thee, sir, clings you 
 
 see; 
 May it please you to release her, and in Greece, sir, set her 
 
 free: 
 If you please, sir, then release her, and in Greece, sir, set 
 
 her free. 
 
 SECOND RUFFIAN. 
 
 That is all very fine, we do not doubt ; 
 At all events you sing, where many shout ; 
 We're very sorry that it's Hobson's choice — 
 And would not, otherwise, drown such a voice. 
 For music we have got no ear ; — ^that air 
 Which you have sung, is neither here nor there. 
 And, though, to be affected by your crying 
 We must not try — still, our position's trying. 
 To fling you in we're ordered by the king ; 
 In life you've very nearly had your fling. 
 As Amulius decides that in you go, 
 And history confirms the fact, you know. 
 
29 
 
 SECOND RVFEiAjn proceeds to tie her hands. 
 
 Air — " Johnny Sands." 
 
 To alter now what we are at, 
 
 It seems to be too late. 
 
 As history informs us that 
 
 It is to be your fate ; 
 
 And though we may hard hearted seem, 
 
 It is the King's commands ; 
 
 For fear you splash about the stream. 
 
 That we should tie your hands. 
 
 That we should tie your hands. 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 Let me write him a line— 
 
 SECOND RUFFIAN. 
 
 It can't be done ; 
 I fear you want, miss, to get us in one. 
 Of your guilt there are proofs without confession ; 
 You would not make on him the least impression. 
 So the least said upon that head the better — 
 He 'has obtained a proof, before a letter. 
 Therefore, we've no alternative, you see, 
 And cannot alter your nativity. 
 
 Hurried music. They drag her off after the most approved 
 Melodramatic style, only, of course, a little exaggerated. 
 Chorus comes forward. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 My lady cannot be released ; the tide 
 
 Is very strong indeed — ^where ? why, outside. [Points off. 
 
 With no one near to hear her sad petition. 
 
 Hers must be a w-wwfortunate position. 
 
 It is unlucky but we cannot alter 
 
 The fate's decree, — and ruffians seldom falter 
 
 To do whatever they are so well paid for 
 
 As these ; when they are told to drown the maid for 
 
 Such a sum — ^though in their hearts there lurk some 
 
 Compassion — it becomes no longer irksome ; 
 
 And were it otherwise, 'twould be absurd ; 
 
 With them the voice of conscience is not heard. 
 
 [Promptei/i speaks without. 
 
30 
 
 But ttere's the prompter's voice without ; what Baid he ? 
 He merely hiated tbat scene Three was ready ; 
 And, as I've nothing more to say between, 
 I will at once make way for the next scene. 
 
 CHANGES TO SCENE III. 
 
 Interior of Fatjstulits' cot age. Mrs. Faustulus discovered 
 waiting her husband's return. Rain heard. 
 
 MRS. FAtJSTTJLUS. 
 
 Wherever can my lord and master be ? 
 
 This comes of my forbidding a latch key. 
 
 He went to tend his sheep this afternoon. 
 
 And told me he would come back very soon ; 
 
 But while he tends his sheep, I plainly see. 
 
 My tender spouse does not attend to me. 
 
 Why should he, otherwise, without a warning. 
 
 Absent himself tUl it is nearly morning. 
 
 He knows I will sit up, and then, ia spite, 
 
 He says it serves my constitution right ; 
 
 Yet, stiU, he never was before so late. [Knocking heard. 
 
 That must be he — it's now his turn to Tvait. 
 
 It,'s no use trying to undo the latch ; 
 
 He'll find he has in me his equal match. 
 
 I'll teach you to be out late when you roam, 
 
 And always to be late in coming home. [Sings. 
 
 Wait for the wigging — ^wait for the wigging. 
 That I mean to give you, when you come inside. 
 
 [Single knock, succeeded by sundry violent raps at the door. 
 Hark how the simpleton the door belabours ; 
 I must admit him, lest he wake our neighbours. 
 
 FAUSTTTLUS. [wtthout.'] 
 
 Laurentia, Laurentia, oh, lor — 
 
 Aint' she a long time opening the door ! 
 
 Mks. Fatjstulus opens the door to the Air of " I've been 
 rocmiing" : candle goes out (business). Faustulus en- 
 ters, drenched, with the babes. 
 
 FAUSTULUS. 
 
 Outside my own gate, I have had to wait 
 At least ten minutes on the aggre-gate. 
 
31 
 
 To make me wait admittance, 'cos I'm late in, 
 You must admit, is very aggrsh-waitmif. 
 Wliy serve me so, on such a night my pet ? 
 Keeping me knocking until wringing wet. 
 
 MKS. FAITSTULUS. 
 
 I might as well of husband be bereft 
 
 It served you right that there you should be left 
 
 For your neglect — 
 
 FATTSTULXTS. 
 
 My own, my precious pet ! 
 Don't get in one, as I am precious wet ; 
 Besides, look here, see what I've borne for you— 
 Two babies — and well worth a scolding too, 
 'Ere you kept me a rapping in the storm, 
 You should have looked at them, wrapped up bo warm ; 
 You see, I have been no where else my dear, 
 Than in the City, bearing brothers (/) here 
 A good addition, if they turn out steady, 
 To somewhat a large family already ; 
 As if we had not babes enough before. 
 We are in luck now, here's a couple more. 
 
 MES. FAUSTULUS. 
 
 Are they alive then ? 
 
 FATJSTULTJS. 
 
 Why of course my dear, (Babies cry) 
 Like " Jessie of Lucknow " " Dinna^ye hear ?', 
 
 Air — Dinna ye hear. 
 
 Dinna ye hear ? dinna ye hear ? 
 The sound that comes from them, there's no fear 
 ' Tis a proof, which makes me certain quite. 
 That these blessed babies' lungs are all right. 
 
 I have been dreaming and far from home, 
 I lost all my sheep, and where they will roam 
 I cannot say, but I'll be bound 
 
 That these blessed babies' lungs are sound. (Babies cry) 
 Dinna ye hear P Dinna ye hear P 
 
 Therefore, cheer up, and take them, 'ere I drop 'em : 
 
32 
 
 MRS. FAUSTULUS. 
 
 You have not cribbed them ? — 
 
 FAUSTULUS. 
 
 No ; in one we'll pop 'em. 
 Though out of mine, in quite an honest way, 
 I came by them, and thus was my delay : 
 What shall their names be ? speaking for myself, I 
 Think I should christen them, the New Adelphi. 
 Jjosing my sheep is nothing — ^nor a cold — [sneezes. 
 
 Such little dears are worth a hundred- fo]4 ! 
 Have I not reason, therefore, to complain. 
 When coming very late home in the rain, 
 I am refused admittance for a while. 
 And have to knock, nox et prceterea nihil ? 
 When in a state, that plainly calls for gruel. 
 To Caudle me, to say the least, is cruel. [sneezes. 
 
 It morally is qu;te as much to bear, 
 As, physically, these two babies were. 
 Once on a time a most attentive lover — 
 I'm far too old a bird to be crowed over. 
 
 MRS. FAUSTULUS. 
 
 You are forgiven quite, your absence here, 
 For giving me such presents. Let me, dear. 
 Tuck in their " Tuppenies " without delay : 
 And in a buss for these two children pay. [kisses him. 
 
 [puts babes into one of the cots. 
 So if we were imlike what shoiild have been us. 
 There is no longer difference between us ; 
 This settles it — there's no cause to divide, — 
 Yet there's a balance on the other side. 
 
 [kisses him on the other cheek. 
 You know that it was only your wife's fun : 
 To make it up, I sue — ^and so — [kissing him again. 
 
 FAUSTULUS. 
 
 A done — 
 There is a medium I beg to state — 
 Now you are getting too affectionate. 
 Bring me some brandy ; 'ere to eat I try 
 My appetite wants whetting — now I'm dry ! 
 
33 
 
 [mrs. fausttjltjs spreads cloth, and busies herself with 
 supper. 
 
 " My precious Betsy " has, I know, got handy, 
 
 A Kttle bottle of her Betts's brandy ; 
 
 As that p(o)int's settled, I'll take some in water. 
 
 But first of all I'U have a "pint of porter 
 
 Which, with the bill of fowl that I see there, 
 
 Win be sufficient as a bUl of fare. 
 
 More easy satisfied there can be no man : 
 
 I'm more an antique than a daintj Roman. 
 
 What have we here ? Ham ! 'tis but the bone, 
 
 I think that part must be HamZei alone. 
 
 No matter ; with an appetite 'twill be 
 
 A supper that will suit me " to a t ;" 
 
 And to enjoy it, I intend ; my dear, 
 
 Superintend the drawing of the beer. 
 
 Then while I'm playing a good knife and fork ; 
 
 You can work, or, (I Imow you'd rather) talk. 
 
 As I am in a hurry to be fed. 
 
 You may bring things to an immediate head. 
 
 [Exit MRS. FATJSTTJLUS. 
 
 She's gone to fetch, and what wife could go quicker ? 
 (Beating the best of wives) her husband's liquor (lick her.) 
 No busy bee can busier than she be. 
 
 MRS. FAusTULus sets j'ug of beer on table, and they sit down 
 to supper, 
 
 MRS. FAUSTULUS. 
 
 I am no drone, therefore let me be HeUfe. [she fills his glass. 
 
 FAtrSTULTJS. 
 
 Now this is as it should be ; 'ere I came in, 
 I fancied, darling, that I saw a flame in ; 
 But such a flame could leave no room for scandal : 
 It was a flame— though only from the candle ; 
 Yet gave me such a turn, as then a spark 
 Went out, and I was left quite in the dark. 
 But that I did not miad. Did not Othello say 
 (A way he sometimes had) " away with jealousy." 
 
 [eating voraciously. 
 
 MRS. FAUSTULUS. 
 
 The only fear you had, was I suppose 
 
 That a spark might have set fire to my clothes. 
 
34 
 
 And I become, spontaneously, a heap 
 Of some kind of combustion, in my sleep. 
 
 FAUSTTILTrS. 
 
 Yes — ^what could I bave done, as there I stood ? 
 
 But bear it patiently, — and perhaps I could ! [^aside. 
 
 But that's aside — 
 
 MRS. FATJSTULUS. 
 
 What dear ? 
 
 TAUSTULITS. 
 
 I merely sighed : 
 The very notion, has my feelings tried. 
 
 MKS, FAUSTULtJS. 
 
 You are a model husband ! 
 
 FATJSTTTLUS. 
 
 Ma'am, I know it : 
 I feel I am, and sometimes ought to show it. 
 It would be well if husbands formed their model 
 Upon your husband, and had half his noddle. 
 I'm sure I'm. better than most married men : 
 If I find fault, it is but now and then. 
 When shirts are buttonless, does it not f oiler. 
 The fact will naturally raise one's choler ? — [pulls his collar. 
 What's wedded Kfe without its (giu and) bitters ? 
 My darling — 
 
 MKS. FATJSTULUS. 
 
 Yes, 
 
 FATJSTULtrS. 
 
 Take off those apple fritters. 
 
 [mes. fausttjlus obeys him. 
 Give me my night cap, in the shape of grog ; 
 And, having done so, put away the prog. 
 
 [mes. FATisTULirs mixes grog. 
 A thimble full, no more, for a whole cup, - 
 With what I've had before, might sew me up ; 
 And so, on that account, I won't, I think, 
 Take all the gin, I grweraUy drink. 
 
35 
 
 See to the boys like an iadulgent mother, 
 
 That they shall not be bolstering one another ; 
 
 Scratching their cradles — ^I can't think of names — 
 
 So won't have any of their little games. 
 
 Then being satisfied that all is right, 
 
 Q-o you to bed, and I'll put out the light. 
 
 These are my means for keeping aU from strife : 
 
 Having thus managed to appease my wife 
 
 I shall turn in, and, after all, I see 
 
 We may turn out a happy family. 
 
 {^prepares for bed as curtain is drawn across scene, Ghorus 
 comes before the curtain. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Now to anticipate that which comes next. 
 
 Without a warning, you would be perplexed ; 
 
 No matter what you've read in history. 
 
 So I come forth, 'ere the fourth scene you see. 
 
 As that which is supposed to come between 
 
 Scenes Three and Four you may not have foreseen, 
 
 I must endeavour briefly to explain. 
 
 To lose no time, I trouble you again. 
 
 The author saw there was but one way clear 
 
 Of getting out of his dilemma, here. 
 
 The boys are grown up, and you shall see 
 
 What they ar© doiag for posterity. 
 
 5or a long period they lived in clover, 
 
 After a little spell we parse that over. 
 
 Of course, as it woiild take too long a time, 
 
 You must consider theirs' a speedy climb 
 
 From babyhood to manhood — ^then another 
 
 Before a crime — (Romulus kills his brother). 
 
 The coming scene, I think, will fully show. 
 
 They've been traiaed up in ways they should not go. 
 
 For fear you should consider me a bore, 
 
 I'll introduce, at once, to you scene Four ; 
 
 And should you further explanation seek. 
 
 Your "humble servant to command" bespeak. 
 
 d2 
 
36 
 
 SCENE IV. 
 
 Moman Road. The Tarpeian and Aventine Mounts in the dis- 
 tance. Dance by Peasants, during which enter Romulus 
 and Remus, each with an Opera Glass, the case slung 
 roimd their shoulders : both foppish in manner and 
 appearance. 
 
 ROMULUS — applauding. 
 
 Bravo, Bravo, — although our stage is small, 
 
 You've managed excellently, one and all, 
 
 Accept our thanks, for this " multum in parvo," 
 
 You have a right to an Italian Bravo ; 
 
 Slightly bravo-ish, but by no means sordid, 
 
 We also have done what will be applauded. 
 
 For we have managed, without any fuss, 
 
 To get rid of that wretch, kiag Amulius ; [Peasants cheer. 
 
 As an impediment he did esteem us, — 
 
 We had the same esteem for him, eh, Remus ? 
 
 His fall resembles Delhi's — why, you flat ? 
 
 Because 'twas one we were delhi-ted at—? 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 Oh-h! 
 
 ROMULUS, 
 
 And our course of action, if it please ye, 
 May now, indeed, be free as well as easy ; 
 Because, while we pursue our plans with ease, 
 We're free as air to do what e'er we please. 
 I hope that we shall both be of one mind ; 
 I have consulted history, and find. 
 Mid palaces and pleasures far from home. 
 At present yet "there is no place like" — ^Rome. 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 [Air " Home, sweet home."'] 
 
 Of pleasures and palaces far away from home. 
 There's ever so many, but no place like Rome. 
 
37 
 
 I've looked upon the map, and I cannot find it there ; 
 And it is not in the globe— I mean Wyld's, in Leicester 
 
 [Square. 
 Rome, Rome, classic Rome, 
 We'll build, then, a city, and christen it Rome. 
 
 ROMULXJS. 
 
 I think you'll own, before the walls are planned, 
 "We'd better settle where it is to stand. 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 Suppose it stands where we both stand at present — 
 
 EOMULTJS. 
 
 I can't stand that. 
 
 KEMUS 
 
 Well, never miud, lookpleasanti 
 Let's have no squabbling, pray, for imderstand 
 We are not bothered by a gift of land ; 
 Warned by a case coming within our knowledge. 
 We'll find our own for a Dramatic College. 
 Let the site be on the Tarpeian Mount — 
 
 ROMTJLtrS.' 
 
 No ; let us try what vultures each can count, 
 And he that coimts the most shall found the city— 
 If any vultures can be found — 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 You're witty. 
 
 ROMULTTS. 
 
 I beg your pardon, what is that you say ? 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 N-nothing ; to make the ascent, let's away 
 
38 
 
 Over the hills, and see what we shall see. 
 Then come back to decide how it's to be. 
 I don't suppose it wiU take very long, 
 At all events they're nothing like Mont Blanc. 
 
 ROMULUS. (Aside.) 
 
 I mean to tell a lie, in case of need, 
 (If to see double I cannot succeed) 
 And say I saw them — whether true or not, 
 I'll make it seem as if I'd seen the lot, — 
 For I must be the founder. With agility 
 I'll mount at once, to prove my Kability ; 
 Then con-descend to come down in good time, 
 In this, a native, not a foreign, clime (climb). 
 
 IThey go off, being supposed to mount. 
 
 Chorus comes forward. 
 
 CHORUS [to peasants.'] 
 
 Now then, before they come down, once more show 
 
 What you can do on light fantastic toe, — 
 
 And lads and lasses all of you advance. 
 
 Taking your partners, for a merry dance. 
 
 That is instead of standing shilly shally, 
 
 Get up extempore a kind of ballet. 
 
 And prove that there are dancers in the main 
 
 As good in Rome as may be found in Spain; 
 
 Of course you know the sort of thing I mean. 
 
 In a burlesque it constitutes a scene. 
 
 [Dance resumed until Romulus and Remus return. 
 Romulus with a huge Telescope, 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 I am the conqueror, and mean to sh'ow it, 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 You're not by no means, and not if I know it. 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 I saw six vultures, so you mus'n't holler, 
 And they flew south— 
 
39 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 That's too mucli like a swaUer. 
 You're on your oath, so take care what you say, 
 Some might be hawks, — ^I'll brow-beat him that way. [aside. 
 
 KEMUS. 
 
 That's (h) awkward. 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 Yes : he had no telescope, [aside. 
 
 And, therefore, that he cannot tell, let's hope. 
 I saw double that number then fly past. 
 Which left, at least right on my side at last. 
 And which announces of the Grods the will. 
 So you be quiet — I stick to it still. 
 To help me you can go and fetch some bricks. 
 
 REMUS, [aside.^ 
 
 I guess I'm in a most tarnation fix. 
 
 It can't be helped — ^my services enlisted 
 
 If I can help it, he shan't be assisted. 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 Win you, or won't you, do as you are bid ? 
 
 REMUS. \tv/ms sharply roimd.^ 
 I saw them first ! — 
 
 ROMULTJS. 
 
 You didn't— 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 Yes, I did. 
 And what is more, I really can't help thinking 
 (As you saw double), you have been a drinking. 
 
 DUET. [Air " Over the Sea."'] 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 You're very free, you're very free. 
 
 That you've been drinking is quite clear to me. 
 
40 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 Oh very well, soon you shall see 
 
 Which of us is in the wrong. 
 
 So just march, march, march. 
 And help me to found 
 Here a city renowned, 
 
 March ! march ! march ! 
 
 As soon as we've finished this song. 
 
 [Gives him the hod. 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 riddle de dee, fiddle de dee, 
 
 I'm not the donkey, you take me to be ; 
 
 I wont be sent to Coventry — 
 
 Which you'll discover ere long. 
 
 I shan't march, march, march. 
 And you will soon find. 
 When I've made up my mind : 
 
 You had much, much. 
 
 Much better not come it too strong. ■ 
 
 Repeat. 
 
 KEMUS. 
 
 May we not both believe that we are right. 
 Without its ending in a stand-up fight. 
 
 EOMUIUS. 
 
 I think that might is right ; and whether wrong or 
 Eight, I might (aye might I not ?) prove stronger. 
 
 EEMUS, 
 
 You make too free, have you been making merry 
 
 South African with champagne mixed ? Wrong, very ! 
 
 Singular then indeed if you saw single 
 
 Wine, as the poet says, " oh, do not mingle I" 
 
 You may " pay for it" though a wine may be 
 
 " No longer an expensive luxury," 
 
 Gooseberry, gooseberry will still remain 
 
 And cannot be entitled still — champagne, 
 
 A fact so obvious need no divulging. 
 
 Is it a fact that you have been indulging ? 
 
 If so you're hardly in the proper state 
 
 To argue, let alone deliberate. 
 
41 
 
 I think an umpire might as well he heard, 
 Shall we employ a soothsayer ? 
 
 KOMULUS. 
 
 Because whatever he might choose to say, 
 To soothe us both it would not be the way. 
 Help me to yolk a heifer t© the plough — 
 
 Absurd 
 
 KEMUS. 
 
 No, I have done for heifer with you now. 
 
 Am I a cow-ow-oward that you chaff 
 
 Me with your heifers, who should here take calf (half). 
 
 To fetch your bricks I do not mean to plod. 
 
 And so I will not even take the hod. \Lays it down. 
 
 SeK-respect is a quality admired. 
 
 In that respect I'm lowered if I'm hired. 
 
 "Who saw the vultures first, you must admit 
 
 Was our agreement brother — 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 Not a bit ! 
 You need not bridle up, I'm sure that we meant 
 Not to be saddled by such an agreement. 
 So help me to begin, without delay. 
 To found the City^ 
 
 [romulus begins to put a few bricks up. 
 Which I do this way. 
 'Tis the commencement of a wall around it. 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 That for the City— 
 
 \_Jum,ps over a bit of a wall which romulus had erected, and 
 kicks bricks over. 
 
 And the waU. 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 Confound it ! 
 At your audacity I am astounded, 
 Do that again, and perhaps you will be found dead. 
 
42 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 Shall I, indeed ; you know I never flatter, 
 So let me tell yon you are a — ^no matter. 
 To coin a fit expression, I'm not able, 
 Of words I'm chary, 
 
 ROMTJLtlS. 
 
 That is charitable. 
 To which remark of yours I may rejoin. 
 That you're an as — ^the lowest Roman coin. 
 A proper simile — 
 
 EEMUS. 
 
 Well, perhaps you're right, 
 "A fellow feeling" makes you so polite. 
 If I am one, we all know that the as, 
 Possesses something like a pound of brass. 
 Though born when you were, still I look with scorn 
 Upon the notion, (it can scarce be borne.) 
 Yet think I am correct, as your twin brother. 
 In saying, if I'm one as, — " you're another." 
 That you might see the birds, you can't deny 
 You made the as-cent up, as well as I. 
 
 BOMULXrS. 
 
 I lay you two to one tljat, in a crack. 
 
 You surely will be lying on your back. 
 
 Though for a crown I see you're plainly soaring, 
 
 For half-a-crown you'll only get a florin. 
 
 If you tell many more lies I shall smash you. 
 
 KEMUS. 
 
 I take your bet. 
 
 EOMurus. {Squaring.) 
 
 You'd better not be rash, you 
 Will find I don't iutend to take your sarce — 
 Or, if I do, then write me down an ass. 
 So, take that — [^Hits him in the 
 
 BBMTJS. 
 
 An assault ? 
 
 EOMTJLTJS. 
 
 " Lay on " you muff — 
 And perhaps you'll cry out when you've had enough ; 
 
43 
 
 KEMUS. 
 
 You are a cool card ; though thus at my " nut" 
 You've dealt, you see I do not mean to cut. 
 
 EOMtTLTJS. 
 
 That I've a deal of brass I quickly settle, 
 When once I have been put upon my metal ; 
 So take another, as before. [^Hits him again. This managed as 
 
 between Clown and Pantaloop. 
 
 BEMUS. 
 
 Oh, my ! 
 I feel to-morrow I shall have an eye. 
 Your present conduct is past all endurance ; 
 A-t all events you've plenty of ass-urance. 
 Its most unwarrantable thus to behave. 
 When I but little provocation gave. 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 Do you caU it little, brother, that's not true, 
 
 I'm really very much surprised at you. \Strihes him again. 
 
 How do you l£be it ? I need hardly ask it ; — 
 
 A hit, no ganmion, is in your bread basket. 
 
 My rage, ere you are doubled up, increases ; 
 
 Why, I could fold you into fifty pieces. 
 
 I'U teach you to be cheeky to your brother ; 
 
 'Tis at your cheek I aim — here goes another ; \hvm completely. 
 
 There, there, and there, and there; one more for luck; [Floors 
 
 The last's a floorer, now then show your pluck. 
 
 \_Stands over him. 
 What have I done ? I only meant to mill him. 
 Alas, it strikes me that last stroke may kill him. 
 I but intended to have laid you low — 
 Not to have given such a stunning blow. 
 No evil thought against you shall I cherish, 
 But you knock'd down the wall and so must perish. 
 
 EEMUS. 
 
 Oh, Eomu [Dies. 
 
 EOMTJUJS. 
 
 " Lus " was what he would have said ; 
 He -weighed the word, but stopped haK way instead. 
 
44 
 
 Hi8 goose is cooked indeed, and some miglit say 
 
 The cooking sucli a goose was by foul play 
 
 So being rid of him, I nmst as well 
 
 Get rid of all tbe evidence tbat fell. 
 
 An innate ass ! bad be been less inflated, 
 
 He would not bave been tbus ass-ass-inated. 
 
 Lest tbere should come a breeze, I will not face it. 
 
 And as some evidence of guilt, hicj'acit ; 
 
 On urgent private business, I fear 
 
 I migbt be wanted, out of this crime here ; 
 
 Therefore, of it I must not leave a trace, 
 
 Or they might bring it in as a clear case. 
 
 [Throws body into ditch. 
 And, for my deed, in some way to atone. 
 If I have any voice upon the throne 
 I will bring Numitor, the rightful heir, in ; 
 Yes, dash my wig, I will (that ere aint swearing). 
 
 [NuMiTOR, who has entered during the last few Hues. 
 What do I hear 1 he's in a Hberal mood — 
 
 Choeus suddenly enters. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Holloa I beg pardon, hope I don't intrude ; - 
 But as this gent has not appeared before. 
 Allow me — ^Audience, Mr. Numitor, 
 Mr. Numitor, Audience — 
 
 [^Formally introducing Numitor to Audience. 
 
 That's all, pray go on. 
 For I'll go off— \E(dt. 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 My grandfather ! 
 
 NUMITOR. 
 
 Grandson ! [They embrace. 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 Is it you really ? how strange it should be 
 
 The very " party" I desired to see. 
 
 Not listening, but " permiscus" come, I'll wager. 
 
 [NuMiTOR is about to speak. 
 Of course that's understood — you're an old stager. 
 
45. 
 
 The throne is empty, will you come and take it ? 
 Agreeable to you I wish to make it, 
 
 NUMITOE. 
 
 All I can say, then, is, I'm not above 
 Accepting power as proof of your love. 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 The " power of Love" is all the rage, old feller. 
 
 NUMITOR. 
 
 Love, the ventriloquist ? 
 
 EOMULUS. 
 
 No; Satanella. 
 Experience has taught me to look down : — 
 Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. 
 But if to hand, and easy to obtain, 
 It may to you be an auspicious reign. 
 So come, at once, — it is not every day 
 One catches crowns at court in such a way. 
 Murder, by me, was really not intended ; 
 Although, what I have done can't be com.-mended. 
 In fact, it's all up, unless we thus patch it ; 
 Come, then, direct to court, or I may catch it. 
 
 \_They are going out when the shade of Ebmus appears 
 mth a Mack eye. 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 Never say die. 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 Remus, alive ! 
 
 REMUS. 
 
 And kicking ; 
 To be in " at the death," spite of your licking. 
 See Livy ; then if you possess a vivid 
 Imagination you will see — I'm livid. 
 
 [Points to his black eye. 
 
 The Shade of Bhea Sylvia appears. 
 
 RHEA. 
 
 It will be quite correct should I appear 
 
46 
 
 Not rearing you, yet I'll bring up the rear, 
 With a burlesque I think it ill accords, 
 Not to appear again upon the boards, 
 And as it's the right thing to do, I mean 
 To come on properly for the last scene, 
 And thus I enter in my spirit's cloak 
 Ghost-like — into the spirit of the joke. 
 
 ROMULTJS. 
 
 Have we reporters here ? — ^to them I'd hint, 
 Don't put this fratricide of mine in print; 
 Over my error draw a friendly blind. 
 
 CHORrs who has entered. 
 It is in history. 
 
 ROMULUS. 
 
 Then never miud. 
 
 Changes to Scene V. A Roman Pass. 
 
 [Romulus, Remus, Rhea Sylvia and Numitor go off, 
 leaving chorus (Sohs) 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Ladies and gentlemen, a word or two 
 Before our play is done — ^this is a view 
 (A Roman pass we call it in the bills) 
 Of value only for the time it fills. 
 Indeed without it we'd be in a fix, 
 And could not possibly pass to scene six ; 
 It gives us time to get the tableau right, 
 When we will wind up with a " blaze of light," 
 Before we pull the curtain down ; you see, 
 We cannot help "pulling up" suddenly 
 For now this act is very nearly ended — 
 Though Romulus' cannot be defended : 
 With him it is not our part to quarrel — 
 And our play, you'll own, is very moral. 
 He does the best he can, but nothing more ; 
 It is an act he should have done before. 
 What is done can't Ibe undone, you'U allow ; 
 It rests with you if we are undone now. 
 We shall hope not ; before a grand display 
 
47 
 
 Of Roman candles, blazing all away. 
 
 There is no sight of red fire here to-night. 
 
 In lieu of which accept our composite j 
 
 To my mind, of ideas there is confusion 
 
 Throughout our play, I come to that conclusion. 
 
 And now, at last, I don't know what to do. 
 
 The piece must come to a conclusion too ; 
 
 Although I have in some way to defend it, 
 
 As things are at their worst, how to commend it 
 
 I know not ; — ^but still, let good fortune shine on us ; 
 
 For this absurdity inflict no fine on us. 
 
 It has been cooked up by a special cook 
 
 For our Theatre Royal " Donnybrook," 
 
 Taken from a variety of sources 
 
 That it is made up — ^if not hashed — of course is 
 
 Too apparent — I need Sartley say 
 
 Another word, and feel I'm in the way, 
 
 Therefore though scarcely time yet to arrange 
 
 The last scene, never mind, hey, presto change ! 
 
 The scene opens and discovers Numitoe on the throne, 
 amidst a grand display of light. Soldiers, Guards, 
 Sfc, ranged on each side. Romulus on the right 0/ the 
 throne. Remus, Rhea Sylvia on the left. 
 
 EOMULUS. 
 
 Kind friends, be yours a lenient conclusion — 
 
 And do not think that it is an intrusion 
 
 At a time when we should aU of us be joUy, 
 
 To place before you such a piece of foUy. 
 
 Although we shall have treated rather lightly 
 
 The history, by Livy, and by Keightley 
 
 View and review our play indulgently. 
 
 Author and actors then will grateful be, 
 
 Do you but smile, then, though we shall be Rome in(g), 
 
 "We'll be some other evening "at home," in 
 
 " Donnybrook," in which case we'll invite 
 
 Our friends and jpat-TOTus on another night. 
 
 And ere we let the fatal curtain fall, 
 
 We wish to wish a kind good night -to all. 
 
 Recit. — RHEA — "The Power of Love." 
 
 Alive once more before we end our play 
 A woman likes of course to have her say, 
 
48 
 
 But conscious of her want of power she tries 
 To hide it, in, she fears, a poor disguise. 
 While for a moment, ere we close the scene 
 Its many faults and foibles she would screen. 
 
 You have power to sway, 
 
 We confess our guilt. 
 
 And " as in a day 
 
 Rome cannot be built," 
 
 Very crudely sketched 
 
 Let this not ojffend 
 
 As our jokes (?) far fetched 
 
 We bring to an end. 
 
 Still your kindness show. 
 
 Anxiously we wait. 
 
 For we do not know 
 
 What will be our fate. 
 
 Amulius became 
 
 Vulture more than dove. 
 
 You'll not be the same, (imitating applause.) 
 
 Try your power of glove. 
 
 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, 
 
 Try your power of glove. 
 
 BOMULirs. — Wait for the Waggon. 
 
 Will you try and be indulgent 
 
 Ye critics, that's the plan. 
 Don't cut us up entirely, 
 
 But praise us if you can. 
 And as your judgment should be that 
 
 By which we must abide, 
 Don't jump to your conclusions. 
 
 Honestly decide. 
 
 Wait for the curtain, 
 Wait for the curtain, 
 Wait for, the curtain 
 Before you all decide. 
 
 RVMVS. 
 
 Although I was supposed to be 
 As dead as a door nail 
 
49 
 
 I face you all that you may see 
 I do not now turn tail, 
 
 Don't wreck our hopes, as on the sands 
 Of expectation we 
 Seek some indulgence at your hands 
 And end our history. 
 
 Waiting for the verdict, 
 (Of course you know the picture) 
 Waiting for yowr verdict 
 Lenient let it be. 
 
 Chorus — Waiting for the verdict. 
 
 CURTAIN FALLS.