CORNELL UNIVERSITY LIBRARY GIFT OF Cornell University Dept. of Iheatre Arts BUNK OR The Show Down Shown Up A MELLOW-DRAMA IN ONLY ONE ACT (THANK GOODNESS) BY HENRY CLAPP SMITH (With Apologies to the Actors' Fair, London, July, 1916.) Copyright, 1918, by Samuel French All Rights Reserved CAUTION. — Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that this play is fully copyrighted under the existing laws of the United -States, and no one is allowed to produce this play without first having obtained permission of Samuel French, 28 West 38th Street, New York City, U. S. A. NEW YORK Samuel French Publisher 28-30 West 38th Street 'LONDON Samuel French, Ltd. 26 Soijlthampton, Street ' Strand 6037 BUNK CAST Lady Agatha Allrope Miss Pringle Sir Gerald Mr. Prentiss Baron Badness Villain Officer ,(Mr. Parsons) The Prompter Mr. Ivor Waitinground George Job BUNK COSTUMES Miss Pringle. Gorgeous evening dress, the more daring the better, gaudy colors preferred. When she first enters she has over this a rather smart cloak of some kind, preferably an opera cloak. The Baron. Has a black tousled wig, a thin black moustache turning up at the ends, and much better than a real one, make this mous- tache with a stick of black grease paint turning the ends like watch springs. Long black eye- brows and bright pink cheeks. He wears a black coat, bright checked trousers, fancy four- in-hand tie, carries a riding crop and smokes a cigarette. Gerald. Dresses like the "Man in White," white sporting shirt, immaculate white flannel trousers, white shoes. When he first enters and asks for his trousers he puts a rain coat or big bath towel around his waist so it is not notice- able to the audience that he already has his trousers on. His hair must be immaculately combed and brushed. He is the matinee hero. The Prompter. Wears an ordinary business suit. If it is hot he can take his coat off, but if he has a big officer's coat to put on over his own coat the effect is much funnier. The old New York policeman's coat with a gray helmet and a red wig is most satisfactory; and the mous- 4 BUNK tache should be made with a wire that holds it to the nose so it can be quickly adjusted and taken off in plain, sight of the audience. Mr. Waitinground. Should be dressed in immaculate full dress suit, silk hat, eye glass or monocle, white gloves and an Inverness cloak or cape, thrown back so as to disclose his white shirt front, a large bunch of violets, real or artificial, which he usually holds in front of him with both hands. George and Joe. In ordinary shirts, minus collar and tie, and the neck band unbuttoned, pair of light blue and white striped overalls. BUNK (Scene on and off the stage.) Scene : Curtain rises disclosing two-thirds of left of stage hidden by curtain which is down and known as A section. B section is the remaining section stage right. It is "off" scenes and shows wind machine, drum, tin crash lightning, etc. Three camp- stools, doors L. and R. Setting: Section A. table left center with telephone on it, a chair back of it, small chair, up right. One window center is made of architect's drawing cloth out- . lined like window panes, and a solid piece of cardboard in back with forked lightning cut out so electric light suddenly lit behind it shows a very obvious streak of lightning. The setting is' most any interior, a gaudy one of course is more amusing, and a flat ceiling if possible. Section B: Looks best if the back of flats are used and there are odds and ends of braces and other stage paraphernalia showing. Furniture and effects described later in text. Note : In all action in B. Section which is "off stage" the characters must be very natural and be entirely different from the parts they assume in the play. Lady Agatha chews gum, talks through her nose, and is decidedly tough. Sir Gerald is happy go lucky, and might almost be termed fresh. The Baron is rather con- 6 BUNK ceited and stupid, and he and Sir Gerald are really quite chummy "off stage." The Pronvpter is very abusive in his handling of the stage hands, rather bored with the actors and quite evidently stuck on the leading lady. When the Prompter becomes the Officer he is more or less the usual comedy policeman. Mr. Waiting- round is nervous and is always thoroughly interested in the show, and goes through all the emotions in pantomime "off stage" that the leading lady goes through on the stage. George and Joe are stupid and bored and never smile. George. Well! I wants to tell you about a dog. Joe. What kind of a dog? George. Well, that's the story! This were a dog Officer. (Entering c.) Stage set? Effects ready? (Com,es down right breezily, stands by door R.) George and Joe. Yuss. Officer. Where's Miss Pringle? George. She ain't here yet. Joe. She's alius late. Officer. Now, boys, you're sure you under- stand when she says: "Be it that which is," you George. Gives her thunder. (Doing so) Opficer. No! No! No! Joe. That's what's we did larst rehearsal. Officer. And it was all wrong, you block- head. The thunder comes when she says I'm a ruined woman for the third time. BUNK 7 Joe. I got yer governor on the "which is" we touches off the lightning. Officer. No, no ! I'll tell you when. You just forget everything you know that ought to be easy and I'll say light — ^then you give me lightning and thunder for thunder — do you see? George and Joe. Yuss. {In the "ojf stage" section there are two seats side by side center. GEORGE sits left, JOE right. Between them is the electric switch for the lightning and the other lights. The red and green lights are side by side back of the window in Section A.; only one can be lit at a time. Lightning shows in this same window — any big bulb will do. All lights are controlled by JOE. Back of them is the wind machine with a handle so that Joe can work it. On the floor in front are the horse-feet and other necessary traps. Down left against the partition leading to Section A. is the chair the Prompter uses. On it is the policeman's coat, under it the belt and stick and helmet, false moustache and wig. Against the front of it leans a Bass drum in easy reach of George's left hand for the thunder. If possible up left beyond the door leading to Section A. a piece of tin is hung for the crash thunder, which George also works with his left hand, in this case hitting the drum with the right hand. PROMPTER exits to Section A. through door left. MisS PRINGLE enters c. — is followed immediately by WAITING- ROUND, who holds violets and stands in the 8 BUNK way of others and after she goes R. intt) dressing room,, off stage, sighs and looks love sick after her.) George. I was telling yer about this dog (Prompter enters from A. through door left with camp-stool or stage brace, catching Mr. Waitinground in the back.) Officer. (To Waitinground) We're ring- ing up in a minute if you wouldn't mind ! Gerald. {Enters with towel around him) Has any one seen my trousers the tailor prom- ised to return George. Hey, Joe, you're sittin' on them. (Gerald grabs package and exits sputtering. Package should be flat and very rumpled.) __WaitingR0UND. Is Miss Pringle's cold bet- ter? ■ Joe. Well, yes and no — but be careful of them flowers, Mr., she's got hay fever she has. A rose cold I think she call it. Waitinground. Oh ! George. I was telling you about this dog Villain {Entering breezily) I'm ready — go ahead — watch us tonight in the stabbing scene. I'm not sure of my line — "On Africa's sunny slopes," etc. Officer. I'll watch yer. Villain. Where's Miss Pringle? Why don't we begin! I'm ready. Officer. Just a minute. Just a minute. BUNK 9 What's the idea, something new? Ain't you going to wear a neclttie in this scene? Villain. Bah! (Exits c.) George. Well, about this dog I was telling you Miss Pringle. All right. (Entering R.) Mr. Parsons did any of the boys find some of my diamond and ruby bracelets to-day. I must have left them on the stage last night — Oh, Mr. Waitinground, how nice of you. . ( Takes and smells Waitinground' s flowers, sneezes and then returns them. Converses in whispers up- stage.) George. Well, this dog, Joe, was Officer. Now, boys, don't forget about the lightning. First thing the crash then the rumble, and when I say "strong" make it strong; don't be afraid to make it heavy — and watch me, do you hear? George and Joe. Yuss. George. And this dog was about Villain. (Be-entering) Don't hold it. I'm here. (Sees Miss Pringle. Paces hack and forth like a Villain) Come, come, the public can't be kept waiting. Ready! Ready! Call! (Cough) Miss Pringle. (Comes down, gives Vil- lain one withering look — silencing Villain) Now, we're all here, we might begin. Officer. Clear! (Miss Pringle goes l. on stage) Curtain cue. Joe hits floor with ham- mer 3 times. Officer raises curtain of Sec- tion A.) Miss Pringle. (In great emotion sitting by the table) Oh ! where is Gerald and will he fail me at this moment. What shall I do if the 10 BUNK Baron comes? What shall I say? (More emotion) Was ever woman tortured like this before, and such a night — this terrible storm (Nervous groan should accompany the text.) Officer. Storm, boys! (George and Joe business. The Officer gives his commands in the same tones as a Ser- geant would drill men from a manual.) Pringle. And lightning. Officer. Lightning. (George and Joe business.) Pringle. (With emotion) Oh! Why am I but a frail woman ! Officer. Storm! Lightning! Storm! (Busi- ness) Pringle. Oh ! Oh ! And think of Gerald— If the yacht should miss the harbor opening — Ah ! The rocks, (Listens) the lighthouse horn. (Shudders) Officer. Horn ! (Noise of horn is made by whistling and sing- ing a deep note at the same time. George and Joe led by the PROMPTER make this as wailing as possible. When they stop Miss Pringle shudders. Horn and action is re- peated. Mr. Waitinground who has be- come interested tries the noise by himself, and as the others have stopped he finds to BUNK 11 his embarrassment he is making this sound alone, and the others glare him into ' silence.) Peingle. If Gerald's lost I'm a ruined woman. (Sinks on table) Officer. "Ruined woman," FIRST time. (This speech should be said clearly and evenly as a Sentry calls Corporal of the Guard to post number I. George and Joe repeat the "Ruined woman First time" one after the other.) Villain. (Enters A. — stands by door — cu7'ls moustache. Loiv cough) And art thou lonely without me? Pringle. (Looks up slowly) You! (Said on the ascending scale and drawn out to intense length) Villain. Yes. (Ditto, except descending scale) Pringle. Oh! (Ditto, descending in tones lower) Villain. Ah! (Ditto, a horrible gurgling shiver) Pringle. Ughh ! Villain. And where is Gerald. Ha! Ha! Pringle. Don't, Baron ! Don't ! He's com- ing; I tell you, he's coming. Villain, On a night like this! (The word night is accentuated, so it is appar- ent to the audience that he has called the stage hands' attention to it.) 12 BUNK Officer. Storm. (George and Joe business.) Villain. The yacht will never make the harbor. I have changed the channel signals. Do you notice the green light yonder ? 'Tis the channel buoy, which I will have me minions change from green to red so Gerald's- yacht will founder on the rocks. (Pantomime "founder on the rocks" by imitat- ing a boat, with the right hand, in a rough sea, coming up against the left hand fist closed.) Villain. Are ye there, me minions ? George, Joe and Prompter. Aye ! Villain. And will ye do me bidding? George, Joe and Prompter. Aye ! Villain. Then hie ye to the channel buoy and change the signal light from green to red so Gerald's yacht will founder on the rocks and all on board be lost. George, Joe and Prompter. Aye! Villain. Away and do me bidding. (George, Joe, Prompter and Waitinground walk lock-step in circle — stamp loudly and growl until back to original positions, gradually lessening sounds to simulate crowd going away.) Pringle. You fiend! You devil incarnate. Why is it me fatal beauty attracts such men as you? ' BUNK 13 Villain. Lady Agatha, how can you re- proach me with such terms and class me with those scurvy Knaves who dare aspire your hand. Am I not fair to look upon? Pringle. 'Tis but a disguise — you Snake. Villain. Madame, I do not offer apples — I offer you my heart and hand. {Creep to her on knees) Only let me kiss the hem of your gar- ment — let me see the fire die from your eyes — that fire which kindles on my mere approach and wrongs me for I am but a slave to your desires, your nimble loafer. Officer. Noble lover. {This is prompted through the door in a hoarse whisper) Villain. Noble lover Pringle. {Conveys bright idea) Baron! You stoop to kiss my skirt {Takes off receiver of 'phone unseen by Baron) and yet my heart cries out {To the 'phone) Help! Help! Assist- ance quick {Hangs up 'phone) it cannot stand your ardent wooing. Villain. Agatha ! Pringle. I'm a ruined woman. Officer, George and Joe. Ruined woman Twice. {This is repeated by all the same as formerly) Villain. Me soul mate. Me heart's desire. {Takes her in arms) Ah! (George and Joe business. Joe lights the red light here and he and George keep con- tinual thunder and lightning going, hut not too loud hut what the actors can be heard.) Pringle. I'm a ruined woman 14 BUNK Officee. Ruined' woman Third time. Storm, turn on red light — whistle, thunder. Pringle and Villain. , The red light. (Wrestle from side to side) (As the villain and heroine embrace they rock from side to side, to and from the audience, and their lines are alternately said each time their heads are toward the audience. They count audibly between each state- ment, "1, 2, 3, the Red Light!" Then the other repeats. Then "1, 2, 3, Oh!" then repeats, and then Mr. Waitinground "off stage" says "Oh!" in an anxious voice in keeping with the former "Ohs!") Pringle. Oh ! Villain. Oh ! Waitinground. Oh ! Officer. Strong. (The Prompter is very intent on all this and puts his right foot up on the chair which has the drum leaning against it. George cuts loose and hits thunder drum. Hits Mr. Waitinground on shirt's bosom and Officer on his foot on the chair.) Officer. (Dance with pain) Keep it up. (George hits him again) Officer. Not you (To George, to actors) Blockheads — wrestle. (Joe here turns red light into green light) (To Villain and Pringle) Don't drop it. Stop thunder — green light. Pringle (Sees green light) Ah! Saved! Saved! Villain. Foiled again. (Pushes Pringle BUNK 15 into chair) I'll call on Marchmont. (Takes 'phone) Hello, hello — Plaza 0-0-double 0, etc. Pringle. (Takes paper knife — stabs Vil- lain in back. Wails) "Oh!" (Screams) What have I done? I've broken my paper knife. ( George and Joe — noise of horse feet.) Pringle. (Hears the horses) The body! The body ! Oh for a chaise longue. (Picks itp Villain, obviously helped by Villain; folds him up on floor, throws rug over him, puts tea cosy on top so it looks like an ottoman — puts lamp by it on the floor — listens to horse-feet. If in decorating the stage you haven't a lamp or tea cozy, etc., a table cover will be sufficient. George, Joe and Prompter now whistle Hearts and Flowers until Gerald speaks. Miss Pringle hears the whistling.) My God, Gerald! (Sits on floor, leans on ottoman by lamp and, opens Town Topics) Officer. Ready, Mr. Prentice. Gerald. (Enters. Before entering care- fully sees that his trousers are perfectly creased and puts on the expression of an Arrow Collar Advertisement. Looks in mirror hanging on door jamb s. R. in Section A. turns front) Agatha ! Pkingle. (Sweetly) Ah, Gerald. No rub- bers this stormy night. Gerald. How can you speak of rubbers at a time like this — My God, what a night ! (As Gerald speaks, George and Joe match coins, and pay no attention to Gerald's cue "what a night." So Gerald repeats it in a louder and more emphatic voice yelling it at them through 16 BUNK the doorway. The Officer calls them down in dumb pantomime, makes the thunder noise himself and then begins to put on his officer's coat and wig, etc.) What a Night. Pringle. The yacht. Oh! (Rising) Tell me, Gerald. You look distressed. Gerald. I am — I must have eaten some- thing — but never mind, Agatha. (Embraces — looks up, sniffs) Pringle. What's the matter? (This scene is played with great emotion on both sides, both in voice and action.) Gerald. I smell 4711 — cologne. Pringle. What of that? Gerald. The Baron has been here, and kissed you! Pringle. No ! No ! • Gerald. Yes! Yes! Pringle. You must be mistaken. (In this speech Gerald pantomimes all the action, which is followed intensely by Miss Pringle.) Gerald. I'm not, I tell you. I've not been on the yacht. I'm in secret service and I've been tracing the Baron Badness. I've traced him by the 4711 — into the Waldorf east to 34th SlJreet and then he went into the subway and there I lost the scent. And he's here I tell you. (Grabs her) Confess. (Smells her neck) Unmistakable evidence. Pringle. Gerald do you doubt me? Gerald. Not when you look like that. BUNK 17 Pringle. And all the time I've been waiting and watching and longing for your return. {Vamp Irish) Gerald. There's some catch in this. Officer. Horn. {Instead of horn you can substitute sound of a motorcycle if George or Joe can make the noise.) George and Joe. (Horn.) Gerald and Pringle. {Grab each other) What's that? What's that? Officer. {Footsteps. Ovens door and leaves it oven) I've been sent for, I believe. Whadda you want. Pringle. Sent for. {Said with great sur- prise and annoyance) • Gerald. Sent for. {Said with incredulity) Officer. Yes, a 'phone call to the station- house. I'd been here before but I had a job on the corner. Gerald. Oh! {Accomvanies the "Oh!" with pantomime of drinking and a smile. Officer disgusted) Officer. Some kids were monkeying with the Drug-store lights. Can't you see the green one now? {Points to window. Accent the word "green") Pmngle. Ah ! h ! h ! {Faints on ottoman who groans) Gerald. Quick officer! {They piek her up and also pull off covering on Baron) {The Officer helps Gerald lift Miss Pringle and the cover, and as soon as he sees the 18 BUNK Baron the Officer is frightened and makes for the exit. Officer tip-toes to door.) Gerald. (Holding Pringle in one arm) Stop! (Officer nearly falls doivn with fright.) Gerald. Hold this. (Passes over Pringle, still fainting, to Officer. Picks up face of Baron) Ah! The Baron — ^the reward is mine. Pringle. (Suddenly revived) Reward? (As she stands up straight she knocks off the Officer's helmet) Gerald. Yes, for the capture of Baron Bad- ness, dead or alive, a reward of Twenty-five Thousand Dollars is offered by the evening Tribune. Pringle. The reward's mine. (These next lines are said very conversa- tionally.) Gerald. No, dear, mine, Pringle. Mine, I say. Gerald. Pm sorry, dear, it's mine. Pringle. I tell you it's Gerald. Officer, call a cop. Officer. Stop — I wish to say — (Forgets lines, looks around door to prompt book. Offi- cer has left the prompt book on his chair "off- stage" so he can stand in Section A. and quite visibly, to the audience, poke his head through the door into Section B. and read his lines from BUNK 19 the prompt book and withdraw his head and make the speech) Anything you say will be taken in evidence against you. Good-night. (Exit) (George and Joe horse feet off. George and Joe star't horsefeet before Officer exits from the room.) Officer. Hush. iPringle. Gerald. Gerald. Agatha. Twenty-five Thousand Dollars to buy a square meal with. Pringle. Twenty-five Thousand Dollars to pay the income tax with (or choice, "to buy hootch with") Gerald. What do you wish to tell me, love. Pringle. The child is still in London. (Gerald embraces Miss Pringle, and they stand there with spotlight on them, if you have it; in the true position of melodrama heroes and heroines. The words should be said with a very rich and unctuous voice.) Officer. (Pull Section A. curtain) Hold it — ^take your call — Curtain. (The Prompter gives the cast two curtain calls. As he reopens curtain of Section A. the first time Gerald and Miss Pringle are bowing to the audience, standing abreast of each other at about a foot and a half apart. The Villain rises from the floor behind them, steps between them toward the audience and by spreading his hands 20 BUNK takes all the applause. The Prompter then pulls the curtain. Reopens curtain on the same picture. Gerald and Miss Pringle then using one arm only take the Baron from the rear by the shoulders and throw 'him backwards, the same as you would open a sticky door, and as he dis- appears up-stage on his neck they boiv sweetly to the audience and take every- thing for themselves. The Prompter then closes curtain. Baron and Gerald exit into Section B., and in a most friendly way helping each other to cigarettes make casual conversation and go up and off left. During this the Prompter and George go from Section B. into A. where they are out of sight, because the A. curtain is drawn. Miss Pringle then appears from Sec- tion A. into B. and crosses briskly way down right toward the door of her dress- ing room. She then turns around to Mr. Waitinground who is standing down left in Section B. in front of the stool on which George had been sitting. Mr. Waiting- round arrived there about the time that George made his exit into A.) Pringle. {Smilingly) Oh, Mr. Waiting- round, I am sorry not to have supper with you to-night, but my husband and I must hurry home. All four kiddies have the whooping cough ! Waitinground. {With vacant stare slowly sinks' TSn fo "George's stool, murmuring indis- tinctly) Kiddies, husband. Pringle. Yes. Didn't you know I was mar- BUNK 21 ried? Here, Joe, wake up and shake hands with Mr. Waitinground. (Joe has been on Ids little stool half asleep and motionless through this, as Miss Pringle slaps him on the shoulder, he makes no movement, except his right hand, which he wipes carefully on his overalls before pre- senting it to Waitinground. Joe does not look up.) (George's head now appears through the door from Section A. and with the sarne dreamy voice that he began the play) George. Now, Joe, about this dog! — — . Quick Curtain DOROTHY'S NEIGHBORS. A brand new comedy in four acts, by Marie Doran, author of "Th«j New Co-Ed, " "Tempest and Sunshine," and many other successful plays. 4 males, 7 females. The scenes are extretnely easy to arrange; two plain interiors and one exterior, a garden, brj if neces- sary, the two interiors will answer. Costumes modern. Plays 25^ hours. The story is about vocational training, a subject now widely dis- cussed; also, the distribution of large wealth. Back of the comedy situation and snappy dialogue there is good logic and a sound moral in this pretty play, which is worthy the attention of the experienced amateur. It is a clean, wholesome play, particularly suited to high school production. Price, 30 Cents. MISS SOMEBODY ELSE. A modern play in four acts by Marion Short, author of "The Touchdown," etc. 6 males, 10 females. Two interior scenes. Cos- tumes modern. Plays 2;4 hours. This delightful <:omedy has gripping dramatic moments, unusual character types, a striking and original plot and is essentially moderp in theme and- treatment. The story concerns the advetures of Con- stance Darcy, a multi-millionaire's young daughter. Constance em- barks on a trip to find a young man who had been in her father's employ and had stolen a large sum of money. She almost succeeds^ when suddenly all traces of the young man are lost. At this point she meets some old friends who sre living in almost want and, in order to assist them through motives benevolent, she determines to sink her own aristocrati.c personality in that of a refined but humble little Irish waitress with the family that are in want. She not only carries her scheme to success in assisting the family, but finds^ romance and much tense and lively adventure during the period of her incognito, aside from capturing the young-man who had defrauded her father. The story is full of bright comedy lines and dramatic situations and is highly recommended for amateur production. This is one of the best comedies we have ever offered with a large_ num- ber of female characters. The dialogue is bright and the play is full- of action from start to finish; not a dull moment in it. This is a great comedy for high schools and colleges, and the wholesome story will please the parents and teachers. We strongly recommend it. Price, 30 Cents. PURPLE AND FINE LINEN. An exceptionally pretty comedy of Puritan New England, in three acts, by Amita B. Fairgrieve and Helena -Miller. 9 male, 5 female characters. This is the Lend A Hand Smith College vrize play. It is an ad- mirable play for amateurs, is rich in character portrayal- of varied ■ les and is not too difficult while thoroughly pleasing. Price, 30 Cents. (The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 5AMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City Ntw aid Explicit Descriptive Cataloiue Mailed Free on Requut Cornell University Library PR 6037.M6842B9 Bunk; or The show down shown up. A mello 3 1924 013 223 759