THE GIFT OF 
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Cornell University Library 
 BX7795.B24 A3 
 
 Selected from the letters and papers of 
 
 olln 
 
 3 1924 029 465 303 
 
Cornell University 
 Library 
 
 The original of tliis book is in 
 tine Cornell University Library. 
 
 There are no known copyright restrictions in 
 the United States on the use of the text. 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924029465303 
 
A. SELECTION 
 
 PROM THE 
 
 LETTERS AND PAPERS 
 
 OF THE LATE 
 
 JOHN BARCLAY. 
 
 I thought it good to show the signs and woaders that the high God 
 had wrought toward me. How great are hia signs ! and how mighty 
 are his wonders 1 His kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and hia 
 dominion is from generation to generation. — Danid iv. 2, 3. 
 
 STEREOTYPE EDITION. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA : 
 FOR SALE AT FRIENDS' BOOK-STORE. 
 
 No. 30i AECH STREET- 
 
 1881. 
 
SELECTION'S 
 
 FEOM 
 
 t 
 
 JOHN BARCLAY. 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 This selection, from the letters and papers of the 
 late John Barclay, has been made partly from accounts 
 of his religious experiences and reflections, recorded 
 chiefly in early life, and partly from letters written to 
 his friends, which have come within the reach of the 
 editor. From the state in which these accounts were 
 found, as well as from remarks made during his life- 
 time, there is no doubt that the author intended the 
 publication of a compilation of them, as a narrative of 
 his religious experiences, and as a testimony or memo- 
 rial of the Lord's goodness to him: to this collection 
 of rough materials or notes, he had prefixed a title- 
 page, of which the following is a copy : " Some Me- 
 morials of the Lord's goodness to a poor creature ;" to 
 which was subjoined the quotation from Scripture 
 affixed to the title-page of this work. 
 
 The intentions of the author in keeping a personal 
 
 record of this intimate description, are more particu- 
 1* (5, 
 
6 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 larly set forth in his own words, as given at tte com- 
 mencement of the first chapter of this volume ; to which 
 the reader is referred. 
 
 The latter portion of the materials of this selection 
 consists more generally of the letters of the author : 
 these are mainly of a religious character, and were 
 evidently written under a lively feeling of Christian 
 interest on behalf of his friends, as well as of earnest 
 concern for the best welfare and prosperity of the re- 
 ligious Society of Friends, of which he was a member 
 and an acknowledged minister. 
 
 The letters which occur towards the close of this 
 volume, from about the year 1832, often refer to cir- 
 cumstances and events of a period of deep trial and 
 affliction to the Society. It is naturally to be expected 
 that the well concerned mind would hardly fail to be 
 deeply affected by occurrences, involving the vital wel- 
 fare of the cause of Truth and the faithful maintenance 
 of its principles. Some readers may think that it 
 would have been preferable to have withheld letters of 
 this description from the public eye, in the present less 
 disturbed period : but it should be seriously considered, 
 that it is one of the leading and most useful designs 
 of biography, as well as of history, by means of faith- 
 ful records to convey instruction and the benefit of past 
 experience, to the present and succeeding generations. 
 In the instance before us, we have the warnings, the 
 exhortations, and the encouragement of a faithful fol- 
 lower of his Lord, whilst under the provings and suf- 
 ferings of a dark and gloomy day to the militant church. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 7 
 
 Considerations of a merely personal nature must, com- 
 paratively, be soon lost or forgotten in the lapse of a 
 single generation ; but the duty and trust of a faithful 
 historian or biographer should be uprightly fulfilled ; 
 and whatever may tend to the religious benefit or edi- 
 fication of his readers, should be honestly and discreetly 
 portrayed. 
 
 . The editor regrets that he has not been able to pre- 
 sent the reader with more of a connected biographical 
 sketch of the author's life, than will be found in this 
 work,— a life which may perhaps be said to afibrd but 
 little variety of incident. He believes, however, to 
 those whose minds delight to trace the blessed and ani- 
 mated effects of divine grace in the heart, that the 
 religious experiences of the pious and devoted Chris- 
 • tian and fellow-professor, which are to be met with even 
 in his private memoranda or correspondence, are often 
 deeply instructive ; and they may be felt to supply the 
 place of biographical variety to some readers, with real 
 interest and even more permanent satisfaction. 
 
 The following testimonial to the religious character 
 of the author, drawn up by one of his early and most 
 intimate friends, now living, (J. F. Marsh, of Croydon,) 
 may, it is thought, be suitably introduced at this place : 
 
 " He was one with whom I shared no common inti- 
 macy and friendship, both at an earlier period of our 
 lives and subsequently. We often took sweet counsel 
 together; and, I may say, were many times permitted 
 to sit together as ' in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.' 
 
8 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 Our acquaintance commenced in the autumn of 1816, 
 at a time when his mind was sweetly visited by the Day- 
 Spring from on high. Ah ! how fresh is my remem- 
 brance of the state of his mind at that period ; and 
 how was my heart made to rejoice in the feeling of the 
 preciousness of the love of our heavenly Father to- 
 wards him, and the abundant shedding abroad thereof 
 in his heart. In this day of the Lord's power, a wil- 
 lingness was wrought in him wholly to surrender him- 
 self to the Divine disposal, and to count nothing too near 
 or too dear to part with which was called for at his 
 hand. Thus by meekly bowing his neck to the yoke 
 of Christ he found it to be made easy and his burden 
 light ; and thus was he enabled to take up his daily 
 cross, and follow his Lord and Master in newness of 
 life. By yielding obedience to the tendering operations 
 of redeeming love and mercy, he experienced an a<i- 
 vancement in the way of holiness ; and he became val- 
 iant for the cause of truth and righteousness in the 
 earth, — deep was his experience in the things of God. 
 
 " I write not to exalt the creature, but with desire to 
 magnify the riches of that grace by which he was what 
 he was, and which on him was not bestowed in vain. 
 As he lived so he died, in the Lord : his memory is 
 precious, — the savor of his life remaineth ; and he be- 
 ing dead, yet speaketh. 
 
 "And now, as I reverently believe, having fought 
 the good fight and kept the faith, — having come out of 
 great tribulation and washed his robes and made them 
 white in the blood of the Lamb, — he has finished his 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAT. 9 
 
 course with joy; and is gone to inherit the crown of 
 righteousness, laid up for all them that love the appear- 
 ing of_Christ." 
 
 The reader is referred to the annexed testimony of 
 Grace-church street Monthly Meeting, for a further but 
 brief memorial of my beloved, departed brother. 
 
 A. R. Barclay. 
 
 Leytonstone, near London, Twelfth month, 1841. 
 
 A Testimony/ from Grrace^chureh street Monthly Meet- 
 ing of Friends, concerning John Barclay, who died 
 on the Wth of Fifth month, 1838, and his remains 
 were interred at Winchmore Sill, Middlesex, on the 
 l^th of the same. 
 
 " Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." 
 
 This, our dear friend, was the son of Robert and 
 Ann Barclay, and was born at Clapham, in Surrey, in 
 the year 1797. His parents were members of our re- 
 ligious Society: his mother died whilst he was very 
 young. 
 
 From his own memorandums we find that he was 
 early visited with the convictions of divine grace ; but 
 becoming exposed to the influence of bad example at a 
 public school, the sinful propensities of the natural 
 mind were strengthened ; yet the strivings of the Holy 
 Spirit were graciously continued, and he was often 
 brought into deep humiliation and sorrow on account 
 of his transgressions ; and his tears of repentance and 
 his prayers Tor preservation were poured forth in secret 
 places. In reference to the state of his mind at this 
 
10 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDTJMS 
 
 time, he says, "As the evil tree cannot but bring forth 
 evil fruit, as long as it is suffered to live and thrive in 
 the heart, so this being the case with me, the fruits 
 did show themselves abundantly indeed. Oh ! that all 
 who have been injured by my evil example could be 
 shown a fiftieth part of the remorse and repentance, 
 sorrow and trouble, which have been, through unuttera- 
 ble mercy, experienced by me." He was made willing 
 to abide under the judgments of the Lord, and was fa- 
 vored to know that these chastisements from his hea- 
 venly Father's hand were administered in love ; in a 
 sense of which bis heart was often made to overflow 
 with thankfulness ; and he was brought into a state of 
 submission to the Lord's will, and humble dedication to 
 his requirings. Alluding, some years afterwards, to 
 the circumstances of this eventful period of his life, he 
 writes thus : " This I may say and leave upon record, 
 that though many almost indescribable temptations of 
 evil have been permitted to come about me, sometimes 
 like a mighty flood, so that in hours of extreme weak- 
 ness I have been many and many a time ready to give 
 up the 'fight of faith ;' yet to this day the Lord, strong 
 and mighty, has been pleased in his abundant compas- 
 sion to encamp around me, and to give me songs of 
 deliverance, songs of triumph and of praise. In 
 His name will I set up my banner ; who is a rock of 
 defence, and sure refuge to my poor weary soul. ! 
 young man or young woman, to whom this may come, 
 — my friend, my brother, my sister, who art seeking 
 the better country and Him who is the way and the 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 11 
 
 guide ; oh ! though thou art weary and heavy laden, 
 take courage ; there is a staff, a stay, and strength, and 
 succor with Him and in Him who hath gone hefore, 
 and who leadeth on his little ones gently and sweetly 
 as they are able to follow. Take this as the counsel 
 of one who writes from a sure and living experience, 
 and who hath indubitably known His name, which is 
 above every name, to be a strong tower indeed. He 
 will be with His, even to the end of the world." 
 
 His mind, for several years after his father's decease, 
 was brought under much concern on the subject of 
 business ; and he felt it to be his duty to give up an 
 offer which was considered to be very advantageous. 
 In a retrospective view of this step, he says in a letter, 
 " I know not that I have take any measure that now in 
 seasons of calmness seems to afford the like peace to 
 me." Alluding to this subject again, he adds, " The 
 ground upon which I think it best for me to be not 
 much engrossed with the things of this life is, that 
 having experienced no small share of the forbearance 
 and mercy of the Lord, — having been delivered from 
 the pit of destruction ; having sincere, hearty, and very 
 fervent desires for my own preservation and salvation, 
 as well as for that of my poor fellow-creatures every- 
 where, I have inclined towards the belief that the Lord, 
 will make use of me, if I am faithful to his requirings, 
 in the way, time, and for the purposes which he sees 
 best : under this impression it is, and not to encourage 
 or give way to an apathy or want of energy or exer- 
 tion, that I believe it right for me to sit loose to this 
 
12 liBTTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 ■world and the anxieties thereof; lest I should be inca/- 
 pacitated for performing that service, which may be 
 shown to be my duty. I believe it safest for me, if in 
 any business, that it should be one of moderate profit, 
 and not involving much attention." 
 
 He believed himself required to observe much sim- 
 plicity and moderation in providing the needful accom- 
 modations of life; and in reference to this subject, he - 
 says, "I am clearly of the belief that it is my duty to 
 live in such a humble, plain, homely, simple manner, 
 as that neither in the furniture, food, or clothing used, 
 any misapplication of the gifts of divine Providence 
 may be admitted or encouraged." 
 
 About this time, which was in the twenty-second year 
 of his agvi, he writes thus : " ! the love that the Lord 
 hath shed abroad in my heart ! ! the divine joy, 
 the unspeakable peace, the blessed presence of the 
 Most High, — how it seems to flow through me, making 
 up for all trials and tears of disquietude and distress ! 
 ! may this feeble testimony speak out His adorable 
 mercy, when this poor frail flesh shall be laid low in 
 the dust ; may it induce others to fear Him that made 
 the heavens and the earth, and to trust in him forever ! 
 Praises to the Lamb that liveth, yet was slain ! — 
 Amen." 
 
 Early in the year 1820 he believed it right for him 
 to remove from the family circle, and to reside for a 
 time at Poole, in Dorsetshire ; and aboul; the end of the 
 same year he was married to Georgina Hill. Their 
 union was short, for in less than three years his dear 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 13 
 
 companion was taken from him by death, at Marazzion, 
 in Corn-wall ; •whither they had removed for the benefit 
 of her health. 
 
 His mind had for several years been impressed with 
 an apprehension that he should be called to the work 
 of the ministry ; and in the prospect of it he was pre- 
 served in a waiting dependent state ; and fervent was 
 his concern to be entirely given up to serve the Lord 
 in the way of his holy requirings. At the interment 
 of his beloved wife, in the Sixth month, 1823, he was 
 engaged in vocal supplication; and in the autumn of 
 that year he spoke as a minister. In allusion to this 
 solemn and important work, after describing the fear 
 and caution with which he had entered upon it, he says, 
 "The weight and sweetness that dwelt on my mind 
 after this surrender, cannot be set forth. ! how it 
 rested on my spirit all the day in an unutterable man- 
 ner ! and yet such freedom of spirit — so that nothing 
 seemed a trial, or that to which I was unequal. I 
 shall not easily forget how comfortable and at ease in 
 my mind I felt. ! it was a heavenly feeling, and 
 nothing short of Him that is in heaven could give it." 
 
 He was acknowledged a minister by his friends in 
 Cornwall in 1825, and in the following year was mar- 
 ried to Mary Moates,'and removed to Alton. After a 
 residence of three years at that place, he settled at 
 Croydon ; and in 1835 he removed to Stoke Newing- 
 ton, within the compass of this Monthly Meeting, where 
 he resided during the remainder of his life. In the 
 course of the before-mentioned period he paid several 
 2 
 
14 LBTTEKS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 religious visits, 'with the unity of his friends; and in 
 one of these journeys he travelled into Scotland, as far 
 as Aberdeen. 
 
 He had been from bis youth of a tender constitution, 
 and for the last few years of his life he had suffered 
 much from a disease in his knee, which rendered walk- 
 ing or other active exercise diflBcult to him. He was, 
 however, very exemplary in his efforts to attend our 
 religious meetings ; in which the exercise of his dedi- 
 cated spirit was strengthening to many. His engage- 
 ments in the line of ministry among us were not fre- 
 quent ; but he was at times led to address his friends 
 in a weighty and feeling manner ; endeavoring to turn 
 their attention from a dependence on man, and from 
 all that is superficial in religion, to a single reliance on 
 the great Head of the church, "the Minister of the 
 sanctuary and of the true tabernacle, which the Lord 
 pitched, and not man." 
 
 ~ Our dear friend was remarkable for integrity and. 
 uprightness of heart; and in the private walks of life 
 his conduct was strikingly circumspect, and his conver- 
 sation, while innocently cheerful, was instructive, being 
 seasoned with grace. 
 
 Notwithstanding he was, in the ordering of unerring 
 wisdom, much confined at home from bodily infirmity, 
 yet his concern for the prosperity of our Society re- 
 mained unabated ; and his mind was actively employed 
 in endeavoring to promote the spiritual welfare of its 
 members. With this object his time was much occu- 
 pied in editing a series of publications, selected from 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLA'?. -> 15 
 
 the writings of our Jhonored predecessors in religious 
 profession. 
 
 In the Eleventh month, 1836, he paid an acceptable 
 visit, in the love of the Gospel, to the families of Friends 
 at Brighton; and in the Eleventh month, 1837, be 
 felt attracted by the same precious influence, to a simi- 
 lar engagement in his own particular meeting of Stoke 
 Newington. After going through nearly half the fami- 
 lies, wherein his service was much to the comfort of 
 his friends, finding his constitution increasingly enfee- 
 bled, he returned to the Monthly Meeting its minute 
 granted him for that purpose, accompanying it with a 
 letter, replete with the expression of religious concern, 
 from which the following is extracted : " On proceeding 
 in the weighty engagement before me, I may acknow- 
 ledge that although no wonderful outpouring of divine 
 power was my portion, I was mercifully favored, during 
 the few days that I entered upon the work, with such 
 a sense that the Lord preserveth the simple and the 
 upright, that it was as my meat and drink to be thus 
 among my friends ; hard things were made very easy, 
 and bitter things full of sweetness ; a gently flowing 
 stream of heavenly goodness being extended in every 
 hour of need, though in a way humiliating to the cirea- 
 ture, and so as nothing of the flesh could glory." 
 
 His health continuing to decline, he went to Brigh- 
 ton ; hut there his indisposition increased, and on the 
 8th of the Fifth month he was, by medical advice, re- 
 moved to Tunbridge Wells; after which he survived 
 but a few days. ^ 
 
16 LBTTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 On the evening of the 9th, -when about to retire to 
 rest, on rising from his chair, and leaning on the 
 couch, and on the arm of his beloved wife, he suppli 
 cated thus : " ! gracious Father ! if it please thee, 
 spare us to each other a little longer, and make us 
 more entirely devoted to thee and thy precious cause 
 of truth in the earth ; nevertheless, not our mil, 
 Lord ! but thine be done." 
 
 On the next day, which was the one immediately 
 preceding his decease, he uttered many weighty ex- 
 pressions ; among which were the following : " The 
 truth shall prevail. — Truth shall reign over all. — 
 None that trust in the Lord shall be confounded ; but 
 they shall be as mount Zion, which cannot be moved. 
 You all know my desire to be preserved near the Lord 
 — to be strengthened and upheld by the Lord ; to be 
 found in him — this is the way of peace. I trust we 
 shall be strengthened and animated to go through our 
 day's work ; then we shall find mercy at the hands of 
 the Lord. — Let us look to the Lord for strength, at all 
 times and under all circumstances." 
 
 In the latter part of this day his voice was lifted up 
 in a constant melody, and for many hours together, 
 like a song of praise ; during which, these words were 
 clearly distinguished, " Lord I — dear Lord ! — come. 
 —I bless the Lord. — I am the Lord's forever. — Cleave 
 to hira, ! cleave to him — love him with all your 
 heart." The name of Jesus was often to be heard, 
 and the word hallelujah was frequently repeated. 
 
 About four o'clock in the afternoon of the Hth of 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAT. 11 
 
 Fifth month, 1838, he peacefully passed away, aged 
 forty-one years, a minister about fifteen years ; and is, 
 we reverently trust, united to the redeemed before the 
 throne, who sing the new song, " Worthy is the Lamb 
 that was slain, to receive power, and wisdom, and riches, 
 and strength, and honor, and glory and blessing." 
 
 Given forth by our Monthly Meeting, held at White. 
 Hart Court, Grace-church Street, the 10th of Tenth 
 month, 1838, and signed by 
 
 [Here follow the signatures of men and women 
 Eriendsi^ 
 
 Kead and approved in our Quarterly Meeting for 
 London and Middlesex, held in London, this 25th day 
 of the Twelfth month, 1838, and in and on behalf 
 thereof, signed by 
 
 Gbokgb Stacbt, Qlerk. 
 
 Signed in and on behalf of the Women's Quarterly 
 Meeting, by 
 
 Maet Forster, Clerk. 
 
 8* 
 
18 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 *' We will mit hide them from their children, showing to the generation to come 
 the praises of the Lord, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath 
 done." Fsalm IxxTiii. 4, 
 
 " This shall be written for the generation to come : and the people which shall bo 
 created shall praise the Lord." Psalm cii. IS. 
 
 I HAVE been long settled in the persuasion, that it 
 may be well for many of those who desire the promo- 
 tion of truth and righteousness, whether they may have 
 moved in a private or in a public sphere, to leave be- 
 hind them, when they go hence to be seen no more 
 here on earth, some written testimony, however slight 
 it may be, to the blessed cause. As an individual, I 
 confess that I have derived much instruction, com- 
 fort, and strength, from the living memorials left us by 
 many Christian brethren and sisters now removed from 
 works to rewards ; not only from their journals and 
 from memoirs of them, but even from testimonies of 
 Monthly Meetings. But especially I have to notice, 
 that the expressions of those who have arrived near 
 the confines of the invisible world have sunk deep in 
 my remembrance ; nor do I know any other instru- 
 mental means that have proved to me so searching, 
 softening, effectual, and abiding as that last-mentioned 
 description of memorial. I believe that the profitable 
 impressions which are made, particularly on the minds 
 of well-disposed children and young persons, remain 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 19 
 
 ■with them for the most part through life ; so that many 
 among us, now grown up, can testify, that incidents 
 and sayings, which in childhood they had heard or 
 read, of truly excellent characters, do even at this day 
 continue to have a beneficial effect on their minds; 
 and even in cases where young people have wandered 
 far from the line of duty, these things not unfrequently 
 arise in their remembrance. I'speak from some de- 
 gree of experience, however small it may be, compared 
 with that of some others ; for I have been a wanderer 
 in my time, yet can testify that even when most widely 
 separated by wickedness from the Author of all good, 
 the recurrence of the wisdom of the wise, and of the 
 sayings of the dying, to my thoughtless heart, has not 
 been either unfrequent or unseasonable. But the ad- 
 vantages which my soul has received in recent times, 
 are still more decided. Many may think thems6ives 
 unfit to tell of the Lord's goodness to them in their 
 early youth, as well as under trials and troubles, and 
 great variety of circumstances, even to their old age ; 
 but such humble-hearted ones are the very persona 
 most fit, or most called upon, to make mention in some 
 form or other, of the providences and mercies and 
 many deliverances which they have met with. Often 
 when I hear of the death of eminent servants of the 
 Lord, I long that their wisdom and the weight of their 
 long experience may not die with them; but that some 
 memorial may have been left by them, for the instruc- 
 tion of those who are still travelling on their weari- 
 some way. And surely, the very least of those who 
 
20 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 strive to follow the Lord, have had something happen, 
 or have made some reflection worth leaving behind, for 
 the encouragement and benefit of such as survive them. 
 I indeed feel this practice of which I am speaking, to 
 have been, and still to be, the source of a renewed feast 
 to me ; and I seldom recur to some of the manuscripts 
 and scraps which I have written, without precious feel- 
 ings of gratitude, and desires after a patient continu- 
 ance in well doing unto the end. Some of these which 
 have been written in the very depth of affliction, seem 
 to stir up my faith in the Almighty power, and animate 
 me with fresh courage to endure all things, and to suf- 
 fer even unto the death of all that within, which would 
 have its own way and will, and not the Lord's blessed 
 will. Indeed, I have been so aware of the instruction 
 to be derived, both from writing such small pieces, and 
 from reading the productions of others in this way, that 
 I dare not refuse, however little I desire it, to allow of 
 these little scraps, the feeble tokens of divine favor, 
 being made as public as any prudent person, after I 
 surrender them up and go hence, may see right.* 
 
 May, t 1814. — Some of the follovping reflec- 
 tions and remarks are taken from little books called 
 
 * Under date of 1817. 
 
 •j- It is proper to remark, that although the writer of the following 
 pages had a birthright in the religious Society of Friends, yet he was 
 not educated in the observance of those Christian testimonies to 
 simplicity in dress, address, and demeanor, into which the Spirit of 
 truth leads. In consequence of this, the dates of his memorandums, 
 as far as the 4th of Fourth month, 1817, are in the usual fashion- 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 21 
 
 " Accounts of Time," in which the hours of every day 
 w;ere accounted for, and the occupation which filled 
 every - individual hour of each day was put down. 
 This was at all events an original design, if nothing 
 better ; but indeed it was of use, and, no doubt, was 
 the means of bringing me into active and industrious 
 habits, at a time when no sterling inward principle 
 seemed to have full rule, and when I was left very 
 much to my own direction, and at my disposal as to 
 my pursuits. I have often felt that it was a preserva- 
 tive at the time, and a stimulus to exertion. I think 
 I may add, of this little contrivance for self-government, 
 as well as of many others which occupied my attention 
 about the same period, that they had their use, in 
 awakening my mind to see the importance of bringing 
 self and sense into subjection ; and however insufficient 
 they were of themselves to effect the same, they never- 
 theless urged me forward to press after the knowledge 
 and attainment of that, which is now, blessed be the 
 Lord who hath showed this to me, experimentally 
 found to be the only sure guide and leader. As far 
 as these little relics show how the wrestling seed 
 
 able style of the world. After that period they, conform to the 
 usage of Friends. The manner of his education will also account 
 for the exercises he underwent in relation to a change of his 
 dress ; and his memorandums on this subject evince the integrity 
 and uprightness of a mind deeply solicitous to make that change 
 from purely conscientious motives, and in obedience to divine 
 requisition. 
 
22 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 struggled within me, and how tender and gradual were 
 the leadings of the Shepherd of Israel, how the good 
 seed seemed at times almost crushed, and every desire 
 after such things as were truly desirable was at seasons 
 very feeble and faint ; so far they are indeed interest- 
 ing to me, and excite feelings of gratitude as often as 
 they are examined. These " Accounts of Time" were 
 begun in the Fourth month, 1814, [in ihe-VJth year of 
 his €tge,] and were left off about the Eighth or Ninth 
 month, 1816. The reasons for preserving them, apply 
 equally I think to those weekly reports which I was in 
 the habit of drawing up ; from which extracts will also 
 be inserted in this book. 
 
 August 8th. — I think I may say, that in propor- 
 tion as I endeavor to do well, I feel that I am enabled 
 to do so; that there is something within me that 
 stimulates to good, that encourages me to persevere 
 in what is good, and which even tells me what is 
 good. O! may I ever listen to its silent but most im- 
 portant intimations, — may I indeed follow that secret 
 monitor within me, and both desire and walk worthy 
 of its reproofs and persuasions. 
 
 October 16th. — I have within me a fountain that 
 sends forth bitter and black waters ; which instead of 
 nourishing, tend to poison the signs of vegetation and 
 fruitfulness that may spring up within me. Lord, 
 make the waters of Marah sweet ! 
 
 November 20th. — I could wish to be able to 
 discover those symptoms of religious habits within 
 me, which appear where religion exists. I could 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAT. 28 
 
 ■wish that, as " out of the abundance of the heart the 
 mouth speateth," so those outward signs could be 
 observed, which inevitably follow a devotional spirit 
 within. 0, that those evidences of true religion were 
 produced, — a sincere desire to promote the glory of 
 God, and the good of man ; a stimulating and energetic 
 propensity to discourage vice and folly, though ever so 
 disguised ; and [that] • my dispositions, aflFections, ac- 
 tions, words, and thoughts, might more nearly conform 
 to the pattern which is set before me, even to Jesus 
 Christ ! 
 
 No date, prohahly about the same time as the last. — 
 How inconsistent, how frail, how depraved, how dis- 
 posed to evil, and how unable to do right of himself, 
 and by his own strength, is that fallen creature, man ! 
 Every day I see instances around me, of inconsistency, 
 of weakness, of blindness, as well as of absolute wick- 
 edness, though often disguised and palliated. But 
 when I look to myself, when I examine mine own 
 heart, I find sin mixing itself with almost everything 
 I think, or speak, or do : not merely do I see evil 
 thoughts lurking in my bosom, but I find them insinu- 
 ating themselves into very many good motives, resolu- 
 tions, and actions. How fully do I feel the force and 
 truth of the Apostle Paul's expression, when he says, 
 " I know, that in me, that is, in mi/ flesh, dwelleth no 
 good thing ; for to will is present with me, but how to 
 perform that which is good, I find not ; for the good 
 that I would, I do not; but the evil which I would not, 
 that do I." It is not at remote intervals that I per- 
 
24 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 ceive the effects of my own frailty, but at most times. 
 Nor is the presence of sin confined to gay and giddy 
 moments, or to honrs of industry or employment, but 
 even in my solitary and thoughtful periods ; even in 
 times irhen the heart should be most inclined to holi- 
 ness, and devoted to the service of its Maker, even 
 then are the intrusions of evil very frequent, the ima- 
 gination often under little control, and the affections 
 for the most part fixed on anything but their right 
 object. 
 
 December 18th. — Be anxious and ever ardent in 
 the work before you, even your own eternal happi- 
 ness, and that of your fellow-creatures, to the glory of 
 God. There is such danger, such liability, whilst in 
 these frail bodies and in this wicked world, even to 
 those seemingly the most confirmed among us, to 
 slacken and decline, that on this head I cannot forbear 
 suggesting a hint to myself, who am but just setting 
 out on the arduous journey to Zion: I cannot help 
 urging myself to beware of that destructive indiffer- 
 ence and lethargy, which are and have been the ruin 
 of thousands, in a religious sense ; which would pal- 
 liate the guilt and error of others, and excuse our own ; 
 which damp and chill any appearance of zeal in our 
 neighbors, whilst they effectually, though gradually, 
 quench any like disposition in ourselves. 
 
 No date. — Domestic life presents many opportunities 
 for the exercise of virtue, as well as the more exalted 
 stations of honor and ambition. For though its sphere 
 is more humble, and its transactions are less splendid 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 25 
 
 yet the duties peculiarly incumbent on it, constitute the 
 basis of all public character. Perfection in private life 
 is by far the more arduous attainment of the two ; since 
 it involves a higher degree of virtue, to acquire the 
 cool and silent admiration of constant and close ob- 
 servers, than to catch the undistinguishing applause of 
 the vulgar. Men accustomed to the business of the 
 world, may think it a mean occupation to be engaged 
 in the duties of a family. It is, however, only by 
 comparison that^ they are rendered, to a superficial 
 eye, petty and insignificant. View them apart, and 
 their necessity, their importance immediately rises. 
 How many daily occasions there are for the exercise 
 of patience, forbearance, benevolence, good humor, 
 cheerfulness, candor, sincerity, compassion, self-denial ! 
 How many instances occur of satirical hints, of ill- 
 natured witticisms, of fretfulness, impatience, strife, 
 and envyings ; besides those of disrespect, discontent, 
 sloth, and very many other seeds of evil, the magnitude 
 of which is perhaps small, but for the guilt of which we 
 shall most assuredly be judged. When we consider 
 that private life also has its trials, temptations, and 
 troubles, it ought surely to make us vigilant, when 
 around our own fire-side, lest we should quiet our ap- 
 prehensions, and cease from our daily watchfulness. 
 
 Prove your love and aifection for your family, and 
 your friendship and attachment for all your connec- 
 tions, by using, not partial, hypocritical, momentary 
 acts of kindness, but one universal, constant, animated 
 effort, — one sincere desire of rendering others happy, 
 3 
 
26 LETTEliS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 united with compassion for their sufferings, charity, 
 and candor for their errors, and forgiveness for their, 
 injuries. 
 
 Especially cultivate a benevolent disposition, an 
 inclination rather to think and speak well than ill 
 of those around, accompanied with that candor which 
 exposes not the errors, but rather the virtues of others 
 to view ; and which brings to light, with regret, their 
 failings, for no other end than their suppression. 
 
 January, 1815. — Business, in its proper sphere, 
 is useful and beneficial, as vfell as absolutely neces- 
 sary ; but the abuse of it, or an excess in it, is per- 
 nicious in many points of view : I cannot approve, in 
 very many respects, of the intense degree of applica- 
 tion and attention, which seems often to be required 
 of those that are in business. 
 
 There is one danger to which the man of business is 
 particularly exposed, and which is the more alarming, 
 because it is concealed, — I mean the danger of gaining 
 a worldly spirit, and of losing that 'tenderness of con- 
 science, that love of religion, which is the ground of all 
 virtuous conduct. The person who is engaged in worldly 
 affairs, whether the sphere of his engagements be large 
 or small, should be most anxiously attentive to his 
 eternal interests, that they also may be kept in a 
 flourishing, profitable condition ; if this be not the case, 
 the saying of William Penn is true in regard to such a 
 one : " He that loses by getting, had better lose than 
 gain." He should also be very jealous of his scanty 
 leisure, that he may not omit to employ some of it in 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 27 
 
 .his daily duties to his Maker, and in the constant cul- 
 tivation of that holy frame of mind, which, it is the 
 slow though sure tendency of the spirit of the world, 
 silently to counteract. For I own I tremble at the 
 very idea of any man's mainly pursuing his perishable 
 interests, when perhaps in one short moment he is gone. 
 How inconceivable and exquisite must be that man's 
 anguish, whilst on the very brink of going he knows 
 not whither, to think that he has given up an eternity 
 of bliss, for the empty grasp of that which is not. 
 
 15th. — The following reflection is taken from a 
 "weekly report," and was penned just previous to my 
 attendance, by way of initiation into business, at my 
 father's banking house : 
 
 What an eventful period is this, what an epoch in 
 my life ! When I look back upon the past, when I re- 
 view the calm and sequestered hours which have been so 
 graciously granted me, and which I have so happily en- 
 joyed, I cannot help concluding, that the same 
 Almighty hand, which has hitherto upheld me, will be 
 "stretched out still." And when I cast my eye for- 
 ward to the future, to that dark and dreary scene, that 
 chaos of troubles and perplexities, which human life for 
 the most part 'discloses, I remember with consolation 
 the expressions of the Apostle, " We know that if our 
 earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have 
 a building of God, an house not made with hands, eter- 
 nal in the heavens." The time that has already elapsed, 
 seems to be a season of preparation mercifully allotted 
 to me, in order to qualify me for the part which I am 
 
28 LBTTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 henceforth to act ; and those principles, which I have 
 stored, must now with assiduity be put in practice. 
 The greatest discretion employed at this first setting 
 out in life, will not be suificient to direct and keep me 
 in the right path, unless accompanied with distrust in 
 myself, and a corresponding confidence in divine as- 
 sistance. 
 
 29th. — The very great benefit which may be, and 
 which I trust is, derived from the system of self-exa- 
 mination that I have adopted, is more and more ap- 
 parent to me every week. Every week have I to re- 
 prove, to exhort, to encourage, and to recommend, as 
 it were to call in my accounts, and to ascertain the real 
 state of my heart ; whilst every week — yes, every day, 
 gives me abundant cause of contrition and abasement. 
 I am thus led to a more intimate knowledge of the state 
 of my internal affairs, and of the filth which still lurks 
 within ; whilst I am rendered less confident in my own 
 unassisted efforts, and more desirous to be strengthened 
 in obedience. 
 
 Same date. — Though I feel myself but a novice in 
 serious subjects, yet further experience gives me fresh 
 ardor and eagerness to seek after and attain to that 
 knowledge, which " alone maketh wise unto salvation." 
 The more time and attention I devote to religion, the 
 more I feel persuaded of its unspeakable importance. 
 There is no pursuit in life, whether of philosophical, 
 literary, commercial, or worldly nature, which can be 
 compared with the pursuit of religion, in respect to the 
 peace and joy, the profit and the pleasure, which it 
 
OV JOHN BARCLAY, 29 
 
 yields to the willing mind. The immediate good effects 
 of it are only exceeded by its ultimate consequences. 
 In prosperity the true Christian is taught to be watch- 
 ful and humble, and to consider that " the Lord hath 
 given, and the Lord can take away." In adversity, 
 how happy he is, if he do but remember, that " this also 
 is the Lord's doing." In all that he does, his design is 
 ever to do good, — his motive the glory of his Maker. 
 
 Same date. — 0! Lord, thou hast been pleased to 
 bruise me with a sense of my own iniquity; thou hast 
 in some degree opened to me my own heart : deliver 
 me in thine own time and way, from under the burden 
 of my transgressions : still continue to show me thy 
 loving kindness, and to direct me onward in the path 
 that leads to salvation. I know not, and it is better, 
 Lord ! that I know not, in what condition or situa- 
 tion to-morrow's light may find me ; nor can I see be- 
 fore me : yet I pray thee, if I do forget or forsake thee, 
 ! forsake me not utterly, for thy mercy's sake. 
 
 February 5th. — May I not neglect or delay to 
 take such effectual measures, as may certainly lead me 
 to the attainment of a firm belief in the salvation 
 Brought about by the Saviour of men. May I not be 
 satisfied with an historical acquaintance with these 
 things, nor be content with what others may say, write, 
 bear witness of, or believe in, respecting a Redeemer ; 
 but mtiy I be encouraged, like Thomas the Apostle, to 
 see and feel for myself; and may I make an availing 
 use of every opportunity, every appointed means to 
 gain the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus 
 
 3* 
 
30 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 and him crucified ; that intimate knowledge and inward 
 experience, compared with which, Paul counted all 
 things else but as "loss " and dross. Surely, such as 
 are " kept by the power of God through faith unto sal- 
 vation," are none but those who have submitted them- 
 selves to the government and dominion of Christ by 
 his spirit in their hearts ; and these truly know him to 
 be their Redeemer. 
 
 12th. — ! for that prevailing seriousness, that ha- 
 bitual state of dependence, humility, and gratitude, as 
 in the sight of the Supreme Being ; — that disposition 
 of mind which inclines to "pray without ceasing," "in 
 every thing to give thanks," and to "avoid every ap- 
 pearance of evil." These symptoms of a soul that 
 "walks with God," have been indeed greatly wanting. 
 Although the outward tokens of a religious life may 
 have continued much the same as before, yet have I to 
 acknowledge and lament a general tendency to indiffer- 
 ence and coolness, with respect to religious matters, as 
 well as a neglect and forgetfulness of Him whose right 
 it is supremely to reign in the hearts of his people. 
 Howioften is this half and half — this lukewarm temper, 
 which loves the Lord with divided affection, the begin- 
 ning of more flagrant transgression. But may I not 
 be discouraged ; rather may I remember that He who, 
 by his reproving witness, has discovered to me this evil, 
 has done so that I should through his assistance sub- 
 due it ; and that he will by no means withhold, that 
 strength, which will enable me to do so. 
 
 When I look back at the long course and succession 
 
OF JOHN BlilCLAT. 31 
 
 of blessings which have been experienced by me, — when 
 I review the opportunities which I have enjoyed of 
 making the attainment of vital Christianity my constant 
 study ; and then see how very small has been my ad- 
 vance in religious principle and practice, I cannot help 
 feeling extremely sensible of the long-suffering and 
 compassion of that Being, who has not merely heaped 
 upon me, day after day, and year after year, innumer- 
 able outward blessings, but has in much mercy been 
 pleased to rescue me from a state of hardened forget- 
 fulness and abandonment of himself. H-e has opened a 
 way for me, whereby I might escape that bondage to sin, 
 which did at one time nearly overwhelm me, and that 
 punishment which would otherwise have inevitably 
 overtaken me. He still continues his forbearance and 
 his tender mercies, though I so often decline from the 
 path which he has plainly pointed out. How long then, 
 ! my soul, wiit thou despise the riches of his^'grace, 
 and reject his offered and extended salvation ? How 
 long wilt thou in words acknowledge, and in very deed 
 deny, him? How long wilt thou in praises and in 
 prayers draw nigh unto him, whilst in the particular 
 conduct of every day thou dost abuse his gifts, forget 
 and forsake the giver ? 
 
 19th. — ! how transient is that momentary glim- 
 mer — that faint and feeble spark, which at intervals 
 seems to rekindle and revive in this poor, frail tene- 
 ment of mine ! How soon is it quenched and smothered ; 
 how quickly does it disappear, and leave me cold and 
 cheerless ! What apathy, what indisposition and in- 
 
32 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 sensibility to the beauty of eternal things, does the 
 absence of this glorious light leave in the soul, which 
 longs for the arising of the Sun of righteousness ; for 
 the appearance of that " which shineth more and more 
 unto the perfect day !"* 
 
 26th. — ^Blessed be the Lord ! I think that I am in 
 some small degree enabled to trust and believe, that 
 there has been some little growth and advancement in 
 lowliness and meekness, which are the ground-work of 
 true wisdom. How shall I sufficiently express what I 
 feel, when I look iipon myself, when I consider what 
 and where I have been, and who He is, that has lifted 
 me out of the mire, and rescued my soul from destruc- 
 tion. 
 
 • Second Month, 23d, was the first Monthly Meeting I attended; 
 it was at Wandsworth. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 33 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 June, 1815. — I have attended the Yearly Meet- 
 ing for the first time, this year, through all the sit- 
 tings, and have had very much satisfaction therein; 
 especially in observing the consistency which seems to 
 run through the conduct of the business coming under 
 the care of Friends. This was to me a very favored 
 time, and my soul was reached wonderfully by the visi- 
 tations of the Day-Spring from on high. Though I have 
 but little to remark, either on the subject of Friends or 
 their discipline, I cannot help expressing how grateful 
 I feel for the blessing of being in some degree alive to 
 serious impressions, and thirsting after a knowledge of 
 Truth. 
 
 2d. — How many are there who live in a state of sin, 
 of blindness as to their best interests, or of drowsy in- 
 difference ! The more I seek to know the Lord and to 
 remember his mercies, the more plainly and clearly 
 does he graciously manifest himself ; and the longer I 
 meditate on his attributes, the more firm is my convic- 
 tion, that the ardent and heavenly desires with which 
 he has favored me, will not sleep in death, but will pass, 
 uninjured by the wreck of nature, to those hallowed 
 and happy regions, where nothing will interrupt their 
 enjoyment for ever ! 
 
34 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 September 5th. — Surely one would think the bitter 
 cup, of which so many, so very many of our fellow 
 creatures have to drink, ought to be enough to stop 
 the dissipation of the gay, to check the extravagance 
 and'the avarice of the rich, to make the heedless pause 
 and the wicked to consider. For my own part, when 
 I hear and see everywhere around me, the affliction of 
 the destitute, the cry of penury, the groan of sickness, 
 and every extremity of anguish and trouble, both of 
 body and mind, I cannot but exclaim : " What am I, 
 that I should be blessed so abundantly above others in 
 every sense ? and what ought I not to be, who am so 
 eminently favored with almost every variety of earthly 
 comfort ? How shall I dare to encourage or give way 
 to pride, envy, passion, intemperance of joy, or levity 
 of heart, when in one short day I may be deprived 
 of everything in which I have outward comfort and 
 confidence, and in one moment may be levelled in the 
 dust from whence I came ? " 
 
 22d. — There is that to be met with and felt, in the 
 company of and intimacy with Friends, which is better 
 experienced than described, — a happy, serene, and 
 calm temper, full of forbearance and love, and affec- 
 tion to. all, and well seasoned with sober humility; 
 such as elsewhere I-haive never been able to find. 
 
 November. — " Simon, sleepest thou ? Couldst not 
 thou watch one hour ? Watch ye and pray, lest ye 
 enter into temptation." I have been more than once 
 strongly reminded of this short but very impres- 
 sive expostulation of our Lord to his slumbering dis- 
 
OF JOHN . BARCLAY. 35 
 
 ciple, and of the salutary exhortation that follows it. 
 I have thought how much need there is for every one 
 of us often, to apply the same language to ourselves. 
 
 ! how very few of us ever watch even one hour ! 
 And although I am willing to believe many do remem- 
 ber Him, on whose extended mercy they every moment 
 depend, yet this season is, I fear, but short, and the 
 impression but transient. I cannot therefore help ex- 
 pressing my desire that every one of us may be enabled 
 to stand continually in the fear of the Lord, to bear in 
 mind our exceeding great liability to evil, and to depend 
 not upon our strength, but upon the power of Him, 
 through whose strength alone we can do valiantly. 
 
 No date ; probably late in 1815. — The first thing that 
 
 1 would recommend to any one seriously inclined is, 
 that he should not quench or stifle in any manner the 
 precious spark which the Lord in infinite compassion 
 has kindled within him. ! let such a one do nothing 
 which is likely to impede the growth of this divine seed 
 of grace within. Let not any deny to his own soul the 
 nourishment which is to support it ; for though the 
 world esteem him very lightly, and even ridicule him, 
 yet "if his own heart condemn him not, then has he 
 confidence towards God." 
 
 No date. — I am much displeased when I see a person 
 accommodating his character and turn of mind to those 
 among whom he is cast, changing his appearance ac- 
 cording to the situation he is placed in. I see little 
 apology for such persons in that saying of the Apostle, 
 " I am made all things to all men, that I might by aill 
 
36 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDUMB 
 
 means save some;" because such persons omit the 
 latter part of that text,—" and this I do for the gos- 
 pel's sake." In those of whom I speak, there is no 
 intention by this variable conduct to serve others, but 
 rather to save and deliver themselves from the scandal, 
 odium, and reproof, likely to be east by serious people 
 upon levity, folly, or sin, and by the less sober upon 
 anything like sobriety. There is a consistency of 
 character which, whilst it does not bring on religion 
 the charge of moroseness and unyielding severity, yet 
 does not deny its great Master ; and which, though it 
 does not obtrude its opinions or practice upon the 
 notice of others, is not backward to show decidedly to 
 which standard it belongs, and under whose banner 
 it ranks. 
 
 1815 or 1816. — Surely I ought to thank and praise 
 the Lord for his abundant mercy in thinking of me ; 
 and especially in wounding my vain confidence and self- 
 dependence; surely I am highly favored by his nume- 
 rous and heavy corrections. The worldly man, and 
 the evil-doer, and the indifferent nominal Christian, go 
 on "fair and softly," — they have, perhaps, few and 
 slight troubles ; but he whom the Lord visits and no- 
 tices, — ^he whom the Lord designs to regard and to pre- 
 pare for himself, is purified in the fire of affliction, as 
 silver seven times tried. Why then should I be troubled 
 and disquieted? why not rather endeavor to co-operate 
 with the Lord ? since I know verily that it is for my 
 good, to teach me from the consideration of the brevity 
 of life, the uncertainty and instability of earthly things. 
 
OP JOHN BAECLAT. 37 
 
 the weakness and wickedness of my own heart, and the 
 frailty of others ; to teach me, I say, from these and 
 other considerations, to press forward to the attainment 
 of those things which will open unto me a way to peace 
 and joy eternal, through Jesus Christ. 
 
 January, 1816. — I am unexpectedly led at this time 
 into much inward exercise of mind, being earnestly 
 desirous that I may lay hold, and keep hold of those 
 things which pertain to life and salvation, — ^to run daily 
 that race which is set before me. Those who seek the 
 Lord to serve him, shall indeed find him and the know- 
 ledge of his will : where the desire is, there is a favor- 
 able evidence; seeing that every good gift and every 
 perfect gift cometh down from the Author of all good. 
 Divine grace which begets this desire, though smothered 
 in many hearts, has freely been given, without respect 
 of persons, to all ; and is sufficient, if obeyed, to work 
 out the salvation of all, to lead them in the way they 
 should go, and to give them strength to walk in it : 
 how then should we cherish this precious desire after 
 holiness, and that little seed, which, if preserved and 
 fostered, will grow up and become a large tree, bring- 
 ing forth fruit abundantly ; and what injures, what nips, 
 the tender bud in its springing forth, but those things 
 that are evil, or that tend to encourage evil. Oh ! how 
 would this little spark, this divine fire, if not quenched 
 in its arising, burn up every piece of straw and stubble 
 within us, everything that is not durable ; and even 
 such things as silver and gold would not escape the in- 
 fluence, but would be melted down, refined, and seven 
 4 
 
38 LETTERS AND MEMDEANDUMS 
 
 times purified. Now this light within may not at all 
 times be equally discernible, — we may be deprived of 
 the sense of it for a season ; but when this is the case, 
 we ought especially to be very vigilant and sober ; for 
 it is in these intervals that the enemy most generally 
 finds the door open, and the sentinel not at his post. 
 Let us beware lest we forget ourselves during this time 
 of trial, when we do not sensibly experience within us 
 the presence of Him, in whose presence there is fulness 
 of joy. Let us then seek the Lord still more earnest- 
 ly, and patiently wait his coming, in silent subjection 
 of soul, desiring not our own will, way and time, but 
 His. Surely there is cause for thankfulness in the 
 midst of the dryest season, and even when to our own 
 apprehension we are forgotten and forsaken by Him 
 whom our soul desires : for we know that it is the same 
 Lord, who gave to us the gift of his grace, that has 
 himself permitted the sensible feeling of it to be taken 
 away, and all for our good, though we may not think 
 so. Let us then learn, in whatsoever state it may 
 please infinite wisdom and goodness to place us, there- 
 with to be- content. 
 
 On the 24th of First month, my dear father (who 
 had been long an invalid) got rapidly worse. I at- 
 tended him nearly all the day, and but little thought of 
 the event that followed. I sat up with him till between 
 two and three o'clock the next morning. He died in 
 much composure, at about a quarter past ten on Thurs- 
 day morning, the 25th of January. I continued 
 with the rest of our afflicted family to mourn, and I 
 
' OF JOHN BARCLAY. 39 
 
 trust humbly to submit to this severe dispensation, lift- 
 ing up my soul unto Him, who alone ia able to sanctify 
 our troubles to us, day and night with tears and sighs, 
 until the day of the burial, when we accompanied the 
 remains of the endeared object of our gratitude, aflfec- 
 tipn, and respect, to its resting-place. 
 
 February 4th, 1816. — I have been led to think that 
 the only substantial source of consolation in times of 
 trouble, is a firm and an abiding faith in our Maker and 
 Redeemer. Whatever anguish a sincere Christian may 
 groan under, whatever wretchedness is permitted to 
 come upon him, yet " let him trust in the name of the 
 Lord, and stay upon his God." David seemed to trust 
 with great energy, when he says, " God is our refuge 
 and strength, a very present help in trouble ; therefore 
 will we not fear, though the earth be removed," etc. : — 
 " The Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is our 
 refuge." Though man is born to trouble, and every 
 one of us must sooner or later suffer ; yet a simple im- 
 plicit reliance on Him in whom we have believed, will 
 be found sufficient for our consolation and support. We 
 are allowed to mourn ; a blessing is attached to 
 mourning ; the effect of godly sorrow is said to be re- 
 pentance ; Jesus himself wept ; and it is said of him 
 that " he was a man of sorrows, and acquainted with 
 grief." But we are reminded not to " sorrow as those 
 who have no hope." Let us then, in the midst of the 
 most acute and poignant grief, never despair; but ra- 
 ther with upright Job, let us endeavor to attain to that 
 lowly, submissive frame of soul, which leads us to com- 
 
40 LETTERS AKD MEMORANDUMS 
 
 mit ourselves to the disposal of an almighty Creator 
 and merciful Father. 
 
 8th. — The deepest affliction which is caused by the 
 privation of outward objects and things, however near 
 and dear those objects may have been to us, cannot be 
 compared to that utter distress, and anguish of spirit, 
 which the pilgrim is permitted at times to undergo on his 
 journey towards Zion. Who can have an idea of it, with- 
 out having experienced this trying situation ; when man, 
 who is by himself a poor, weak, helpless creature, de- 
 pendent upon his Maker for strength, encouragement, 
 consolation and ability to do and to think anything 
 aright, is thus left apparently, and exposed to the at- 
 tacks of a relentless enemy, without guide or guardian, 
 naked, hungry, blind, diseased, — ^where shall poor man 
 find shelter in this stormy season of life ? Oh ! " let 
 him trust in the Lord, and stay upon his God." In 
 this time of desertion, when after " toiling in the midst 
 of the sea," being "tossed with the waves," and "the 
 wind contrary," he seems well nigh spent, and appa- 
 rently no nearer "his desired haven;" then, if he 
 cry unto the Lord in his trouble. He will bring him 
 out of his distresses : He will make the storm a calm, 
 so that the waves thereof will be still ; and the troubled 
 disciple shall see Jesus coming unto him walking upon 
 the waves, and shall hear him distinctly say, " Be of 
 good cheer, it is I, be not afraid." 
 
 18th. — The Lord in his infinite mercy has been 
 pleased to strike me to the earth like Saul, with a 
 sense of my sins, and to enable me sincerely and fer- 
 
0¥ JOHN BAKCLAT. 41 
 
 vently to inquire of him, "What wilt thou have me to 
 do ?" I can indeed testify that his forbearance and 
 long suffering towards me have been wonderful ; and I 
 have great cause for daily thanksgiving, that I have 
 been .taught in some small degree the knowledge of 
 myself, and in much mercy shown the abominations 
 and gross evils in which my heart was enveloped : the 
 coverings of self and sense that disguised the real state 
 of mind from me, have been in part removed ; and I 
 have been permitted to discover a glimpse of what I 
 ought to be. My ardent desire therefore is, that He 
 who has helped me thus far, would be pleased to con- 
 tinue to extend his paternal care over me ; that he 
 would preserve in me an invariable desire to do and 
 abide by his will, at all times and in all things; that 
 he would teach me. the knowledge of the Truth ; and 
 that I might be so strengthened therein, as to be en- 
 abled to say in sincerity, " I am thine, — do with me 
 what thou wilt." 
 
 March 16th. — O! how exceedingly ought we to 
 praise and to bless the name of the Lord for all his 
 dispensations and gifts : my soul is at this time very 
 much impressed with a sense of the bounty of that 
 great Giver, who in mercy educes blessings from those 
 things which least of all appear such. But of what 
 avail is such a sense of the goodness of the Almighty 
 — such a conviction that " the Lord is good to all, and 
 that his tender mercies are over all his works," — unless 
 this conviction leads us to put our whole trust and re- 
 liance on Him in every circumstance and situation, — 
 i* 
 
42 L&iTBRS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 unless we are induced with still greater firmness, faith, 
 and "patience, to run the race that is set before us," 
 to endure our appointed trials ; — in short, to take up 
 our daily cross and deny ourselves, out of pure love to 
 Him who first lo'Ved us, and still doth love us. 
 
 31st. — I have thought that my state of mind much 
 resembled the luxurious growth of some stripling plant, 
 which springs up quickly, but requires much pruning 
 and cutting back, sometimes even to the ground, in 
 order that its strength may be proportioned to its 
 height, and that it may be brought into a bearing 
 state. Why should I not then submit to the manage- 
 ment of the great Husbandman at all times ? Though 
 like the skilful vine-dresser, he rub off every bud that 
 does not show fruit, though he, bind me to the wall, 
 though he cut out the canker in the bark, and pierce 
 to the very pith ; yet do I most certainly know that 
 he careth for me, and intends my purging unto fruit- 
 fulness and perfection. 
 
 April 3d. — I can scarcely refrain from, writing 
 
 a few lines, on the occasion of 's bearing open 
 
 testimony to those principles, which I believe he 
 very sincerely has espoused. It must indeed be a try- 
 ing time with him, not only just now, but perhaps 
 henceforth through life. The change of dress and 
 address, though a simple small thing in itself, must 
 doubtless be a pretty constant source of ridicule and 
 contempt, both in his presence and behind his back. 
 I could say much in favor of his sincerity, and I think 
 his exercises have not been few or slight, even as far 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 43 
 
 as I have seen. Though I have had but little direct 
 communication with him on religious subjects, yet, in 
 his deportment and conduct, in general so reasonable 
 and upright, there has been much instruction for me. 
 I have seen many evils and errors in him, evidently 
 brought under correction and government, and the 
 chords of his practice and daily conduct drawn tighter 
 and tighter into tune ; and, in witnessing this process, 
 my admiration has been not a little excited, in the full 
 belief, that it evinces a power greater than his frailty, 
 under the influence of which he endeavors to live : he 
 has proved and does prove a living lesson and example 
 to me, and I think to others. On looking again at the 
 matter which gave me occasion for writing this, I am 
 inclined to add, that the following considerations seem 
 of too much importancfe long to defer examining: 
 First, whether I am satisfied, to continue as I am, in 
 respect of outward profession; Second, if not, when 
 is the right time to make any alteration ; Third, what 
 precise change is to take place, in what particulars, 
 and on what grounds. And may He, who alone can 
 preserve my soul from evil, be with me ; that so I may 
 not err on the right hand, or on the left. 
 
 11th. — Having a short reprieve of a week, before 
 entering into a business which is marked out for me, 
 [at a Solicitor's ofiice,] I avail myself gladly of it, to 
 record my heartfelt and sincere expressions of grati- 
 tude, that amidst all my backslidings and omissions, 
 during the period of retirement which I have had of 
 late, there remain to me yet some small bright spots 
 
44 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 and points, at which I can with satisfaction look back. 
 For though there have been many and great errors 
 and failings, and at times an almost total forgetfulness 
 of that Being, whose wisdom made me, and whose 
 mercy is still over me ; yet am I encouraged in the 
 belief, that at many seasons there has been a desire 
 after, a searching for, the living God, and for the 
 knowledge of his will, whom to know is life. I have 
 indeed learnt by reiterated and painful experience, the 
 constant liability to which poor man is exposed, of 
 forgetting or forsaking the Fountain of living waters, 
 the Father of infinite mercy, who is daily striving with 
 his self-willed creature, man. ! I have learnt, and 
 may the lesson be indelibly impressed on my soul, that 
 it is good for a man to watch — to watch and be sober, 
 — to fear always, — to abide in His love who first loved 
 us. 
 
 14th. — Uncertainty as to the time and manner of 
 our departure hence, and certainty as to the fact itself, 
 seem to be the limit of our knowledge in regard to this 
 awful subject. We know indeed neithef the day nor 
 the hour when we shall be summoned, by an all-right- 
 eous Judge, to render an account. Seeing then that 
 such is our case, may we yet more and more earnestly 
 strive after a state of preparation, — having " our loins 
 ■girded about and our lights burning;" that, so when- 
 ever the awful call shall go forth, whether at mid- 
 night, in the morning, or at noon-day, we may be 
 found among the trusty servants, " whom the Lord, 
 when he cometh, shall find watching." 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 45 
 
 April, 1816. — O! how ardent at this moment is 
 my desire and prayer to the inexhaustible Fountain of 
 transcendent love and mercy, that it may please Him 
 according to his marvellous compassion, so to dwell in 
 the hearts of his poor dependent creatures, that 
 through His sanctifying presence and power, they 
 may be preserved from evil ; and not only this, but 
 that the minds of men may be raore and more opened, 
 enlivened, and enabled to discover the beauty and the 
 bliss inherent in the Truth. 
 
 ! how largely I could dwell upon the wonderful 
 goodness of that Being, whose daily communication 
 and connection with his creatures, by his providence 
 and by his more immediate influence, most clearly 
 manifests Him to be the all-seeing God. How do I 
 long for that period, when loosed from all earthly 
 impediments, as well from the necessities as from the 
 frailties of the body, I may be enabled to offer pure 
 and acceptable adoration and hallelujahs to the infi- 
 niteh"^ glorious Source of love and mercy. 
 
 16th. — Went this day for the first time on trial to 
 
 , Solicitors ; being at the office at nine in the 
 
 morning, and leaving it at nine in the evening to re- 
 turn home at Clapham. Did not attend a meeting in 
 the middle of the week on first going there ; but the 
 third week I went to Grace-church Street Meeting, 
 and regularly afterwards to some one meeting, unless 
 absolutely impracticable. 
 
 30th. — Independent of all other considerations 
 which might induce me to court the company and in- 
 
46 LETTEKS AND MEMOEANDUMS 
 
 tercourse of Friends, and many other reasons there 
 are, this one would have much weight with me, 
 namely, that into whatever Friend's family I have gone, 
 I have not as yet failed to find them a happy set of 
 people, — cheerful, yet sober; liberal, yet strict; and, 
 above all things, sincere and honest. I have not had 
 much acquaintance. with Friends; hut I may truly de* 
 clare, that I have seldom, if ever, gone away from a 
 Friend's house, without carrying with me a temper and 
 feeling of mind so peaceable, so calm, contented, and 
 cheerful, full of such warm desires of being and doing 
 good, as are by no means easily effaced. 
 
 May 1st, 1816. — Though pressed hard for time, 
 I am constrained to commemorate the admirable good- 
 ness of the Lord to my soul this morning, in evidently 
 answering my petition, and affording me suitable in 
 struction, which was received, I trust, with benefit. 
 At Grace-church Street Meeting this morning, being 
 weary with my own intruding imaginations, and ear- 
 nestly desiring to be rightly directed in the awfully 
 important business which I came about, and for which 
 I had given up much to obtain liberty of attendance, 
 — a secret prayer seemed to arise and run through me, 
 that, if it were best, I might through some instrumental 
 means be informed and instructed in the great duty of 
 public worship. No sooner had such desires presented 
 themselves, than M. S. [Mary Savory] rose, with 
 nearly, if not exactly these words : " Look not unto 
 man, whose breath is in his nostrils, thou of little 
 faith ; but look thou unto the Lord, who is mighty to 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 47 
 
 deliver, and able to save to the uttermost, them that 
 trust in him." As if she had said, " Look not for 
 direction in this matter to man, but to the Lord, who 
 can best , instruct and incline thee when and how to 
 worship himself acceptably." This instance of con- 
 descension was, and still remains, a memorable one 
 with me, and is not less gratefully remembered on ac- 
 count of having experienced many especial favors of a 
 similar nature and description; some of which indeed 
 have been still more striking. 
 
 8th. — My birthday; [nineteen years of age.] I 
 contrived to get one hour in the garden in the morn- 
 ing, though so closely tied to business. Many reflec- 
 tions appear to have been my companions in the midst 
 of much business at this time ; indeed, my mind was 
 greatly exercised and tried, yet also comforted, yes, 
 unspeakably, during this season. 
 
 Hitherto the Lord has helped me ; hitherto has he 
 helped me exceedingly, — more than I could even have 
 thought or asked ; and I can abundantly testify to 
 this truth, "no good thing will He withhold from 
 them that walk uprightly," or even from them that 
 seek to do so. 
 
 27th. — I cannot but believe, that the Lord will re- 
 deem my soul from the depth of difficulty and distress, 
 whibh seems to encompass it ; though there seems no 
 way, he will make one over the pit, which is dug about 
 me by my enemy. Thanks be to the adorable Fountain 
 of all goodness, my faith is yet firm. I know in whom 
 I have believed and trusted, and that He is still able 
 
48 LBTTEKS AND MEMOKANDTIMS 
 
 and willing, and shortly, in his own time, will make 
 bare His arm, which is indeed mighty to save and to 
 rescue. I read that the prayers of some formerly did 
 ascend even into the ears of the most High, and came 
 before him as a memorial ; now I do heartily and in- 
 dubitably believe, that " He is the same yesterday, to- 
 day, and for ever;" that "his arm is not shortened 
 that he cannot save, nor his ear grown heavy, that he 
 cannot hear" the cries of such as seek his direction. 
 
 29th. — ! Lord God of my fathers, the protector 
 of every one that putteth his trust in thee, be pleased 
 in thy unbounded compassion and unutterable mercy, 
 to look upon thine afflicted servant for good. ! Lord, 
 thou knowest my case and circumstances better than I 
 can possibly relate ; thou seest all my wants, my trou- 
 bles and my fears : in thy abundant and overflowing 
 mercy, forsake me not in this time of trial and deep 
 exercise of spirit. ! thou art mighty to save and to 
 deliver, help me that I perish not in this extremity ; 
 but that aided by thee, I may be enabled to do thy 
 will whilst here, whatsoever it may be, and be prepared 
 to glorify thee forever hereafter. 
 
 30th.— Lord ! the Father of the fatherless, the 
 helper of the helpless, the friend of the afflicted ; who 
 hast promised never to forsake them that seek thee, 
 and trust in thee; receive the sigh and tear of one 
 whose spirit crieth unto thee day and night — ^yea, Lord 
 thou knowest, through every hour of the day. I pray 
 not that thou wouldst takeme out of the world or from 
 that station and place in it, which in thy infinite good- 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 49 
 
 ness is appointed for me ; but this does my spirit crave 
 of thee with unspeakable fervency, even that in all 
 things, at all times, and in all places, thou mayest be 
 pleased to dwell with me, and to keep m6 on every 
 hand from all evil. 
 
 June, 1816. ^According to my present feelings 
 
 and experience, I do "verily believe that the business 
 upon which I have entered, is such as requires much 
 more time, close study and attention, than I can con- 
 scientiously give up thereto ; it does entail such entan- 
 glement and engrossment in the things of time, as to 
 leave to uncertainty and almost inevitable neglect the 
 things of eternity. I also am of the firm persuasion, 
 that business is not of that first importance which is 
 so generally attached to it ; but is and should be se- 
 condary and subordinate to the first and greatest object 
 in life. 
 
 Same- date. — If after all means and endeavors are 
 made use of, we believe that anything is right to be 
 done, surely it is our duty to do it. We ought not to 
 look at the efi'ects or consequences of thus having acted, 
 but to leave them to divine Wisdom, that He may over- 
 rule or dispose of them as he sees best, whether he is 
 pleased to give us satisfaction within and the approba- 
 tion of others, or to withhold them. None can tell us 
 of our duty with certainty in every respect ; they can 
 tell us of the great fundamental and indispensable 
 rules of the moral law ; but in such actions and steps, 
 the omission of which is no breach of morality, others 
 can only recommend what they think is right ; yet this 
 6 
 
50 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 is no infallible rule for us. Now who is more likely to 
 come to the knowledge of his duty in any particular 
 than he who in sincerity and simplicity is daily and 
 hourly striving to conform himself to the will of his 
 Maker, as far as he knows it. Such a one should not 
 despair or grieve, if in every respect he does not im- 
 mediately and clearly discover his way cast up before 
 him ; but rather should join faith to his obedience, 
 endeavoring to be content and thankful that he is per- 
 mitted to know what little he does, and is enabled to 
 act up to that little ; humbly hoping, and patiently 
 waiting for more, if necessary. 
 
 12th. — I have often been struck with the close ana- 
 logy which many narratives in the Bible bear to the 
 state of our own minds. The manner in which Thomas 
 received the intelligence' communicated by his fellow 
 Apostles, of the resurrection of our Lord from the 
 dead, has more than once impressed my mind, whilst 
 I looked at myself and my own state. I have been led 
 to think, that any hesitation or delay on my part to 
 believe in and to receive the Lord of life and light, 
 who is striving with me day by day, who is watching, 
 waiting to be gracious, who is knocking at the door of 
 my heart almost every hour, who is calling me, and 
 running after me as a shepherd after his lamb that is 
 gone astray, — is somewhat like the tardy yet deliberate 
 conviction of Thomas, who overpowered at length by 
 the abundant evidence which the Lord was pleased to 
 shower upon him, was unable in the fulness of his heart 
 to say more than " My Lord, and my God." ! I do 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 51 
 
 indeed desire, not only to be firmly convinced of what 
 is right, but to be willing to sacrifice everything to the 
 performance of the same, with courage, resolution, and 
 constancy. 
 
 13th. — ! Lord, make me still more and more en- 
 tirely devoted and dedicated, given up and surrendered 
 unco thee : Teach me, I pray thee, still more perfectly 
 the way that I should walk in, each step that I should 
 every moment take whilst here ; that so through thy 
 boundless mercy I may be safe on every hand from 
 everything evil. G Lord ! if it so please thee, I im- 
 plore thee to take from me all vain confidence in 
 myself or others, — all my own strength and wisdom ; 
 and impress upon my soul an earnest sense of my own 
 nothingness and helplessness : that so through the low 
 vestibule of true humility, I may be enabled to enter 
 thy glorious temple, and therein to offer acceptable 
 sacrifice and praise unto thee. 
 
 28th.-^On considering the subject of the business 
 proposed to me to enter upon, [that of a Solicitor,] I 
 can acknowledge that I would this day sign the articles 
 of clerkship, if I thought it right to do so ; but I feel 
 too much given up and dedicated in heart and mind to 
 Him, who has all my life long blessed and helped me, 
 for me to undertake this proposed occupation; and 
 therefore I do trust, that though my relations may not 
 approve the decision, they will respect the motives. It 
 is, and has been day and night, my most ardent desire 
 to acquaint myself thoroughly, in spite of every obsta- 
 cle with the will of the Lord concerning me; and I 
 
52 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 may safely and sincerely add, that there is and has 
 been no fear, no grief, no joy, so impressed on my 
 soul, as the fear of not doing, the grief at not having 
 done, and the joy at having done, what I know or be- 
 lieve to be right. 
 
 July 6th, 1816. — Upon considering the Lord's 
 extraordinary goodness to my soul, and how he has 
 blessed me more and more, increasing my inward pros- 
 perity almost every day, and especially of late in a 
 remarkable manner, so that though outwardly much 
 occupied, my thoughts have been almost constantly 
 raised and directed to Him in prayer of praise ; — upon 
 these considerations my soul has been humbled at this 
 time, under the belief, that the Lord's hand is in an 
 awful manner upon me, to mould me as it seems good 
 to him : the feeling of this makes me fear and tremble 
 before him. 
 
 10th. — The longer I am surrounded by the vanity 
 and vice of this dissolute city, [London,] the more is 
 my mind vexed with the daily witnessing of such things ; 
 the less also do I get reconciled to the perverted and 
 depraved conduct and conversation which abound so 
 deplorably in this place. ! what a holy and diligent 
 watch should we maintain, who are placed in the midst 
 of this vortex — this sink of filth and iniquity. ! 
 Lord, thou alone canst make and keep clean our gar- 
 ments ; thou only canst preserve in us a clean heart, 
 and renew a right spirit within us. 
 
 25th. — The customs, fashions, vanities, and ways of 
 the world, have very often come under my serious con- 
 
OP JOHN BARCLAY. 53 
 
 Bideration. I have been, I may indeed say, oppressed 
 with a sense of the mass of folly, which is sin, preva- 
 lent among the children of men. I believe the evil 
 effects of these things are but little calculated by many 
 reflecting minds ; and that few look upon them in that 
 serious light in which they deserve to be regarded, or 
 esteem them worthy of reformation. It is in conse- 
 quence of this lamentable remissness and weakness on 
 the part of those who should stand up in resolute oppo- 
 sition, that the torrent becomes stronger and stronger, 
 and the resistance of the few less and less effectual. 
 Under this impression my soul has oftentimes mourned ; 
 and my distress has been much excited of late, whilst 
 walking in the streets of this great city ; many of 
 whose inhabitants seem bound in fetters, and enslaved 
 by the caprice of pride, luxury, and vanity. How 
 frequent and fervent have been my desires, that the 
 little band of those who professedly bear testimony 
 against the fruits and effects of these evils, wherever 
 and in whatsoever degree they appear, migit be 
 strengthened, by a diligent recurrence to that princi- 
 ple which teaches a denial of self and a renouncing of 
 the world with the lusts and vanities thereof, — still to 
 hold out against the enemy. 
 
 August 3d. — O that I might be helped this day 
 to do the will of the Lord : that I might be strength- 
 ened with inward might, patiently yet firmly and 
 constantly to persevere in what is right. Tho^gh 
 assaulted daily by the powerful enemy, yet may I be 
 favored with unwearied fortitude to watch and pray, 
 5* 
 
54 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 that he may not finally overcome. How liable are we 
 every moment of each day of our lives to fall or falter 
 in our stoppings ; and how blessed are they who are 
 kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation. 
 My secret constant craving is, that'in all things and at 
 all times, I may have such an awe and fear of Him, 
 whom all should fear, as to be preserved ^'rom evil ; 
 and that thus walking before him, I may be led into 
 the way of peace. 
 
 I remember, when under great exercise long con- 
 tinued on the subject of business, and amidst many 
 thoughts as to getting a livelihood in the world, with 
 my very restrained views every way, — I opened a book 
 in great fluctuation and sore grief of mind, as it lay 
 near me, craving that I might be secretly informed in 
 this way, or in any way with certainty, as to the line 
 of duty prescribed to me by heavenly wisdom ; when, 
 to my astonishment I found immediately to my hand, 
 this passage from William Penn's No Cross, No Crown, 
 — " Whoever thou art that wouldest do the will of God, 
 but faintest in thy desires from the opposition of worldly 
 considerations, remember, I tell thee in the name of 
 Christ, that he that prefers father or mother, sister or 
 brother, house, &c., to the testimony of the light of 
 Jesus in his own conscience, shall be rejected of him 
 in the solemn and general inquest upon the world, 
 when all shall be judged,- and receive according to the 
 deeds done, not the profession made, in this life. It 
 was the doctrine of Jesus, that 'if thy right hand 
 offend thee, thou must cut it off; and if thy right eye 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 55 
 
 offend thee, thou must pluck it out;' that is, if the 
 most dear, the most useful and tender comforts thou 
 enjoyest, stand in thy soul's way, and interrupt thy 
 ohedience to the voice of God, and thy conformity to 
 his holy will revealed in thy soul, thou art engaged, 
 under the penalty of damnation, to part with them." 
 — Part I. Chap. i. Sect. 21st. ! here was a revela- 
 tion indeed to me, if ever there was one ; for as surely 
 as there is a secret divine power, it was manifested in 
 my soul in the reading of this passage ; and it so over- 
 came me in gratitude to the Father of- mercies, that 
 my knees were bowed, and my heart was contrited be- 
 fore Him at that favored season, and tears fell in 
 abundance. 
 
 There has indeed been a wonderful Providence all 
 along about me, too large to be fully set forth in order. 
 When the time for my decision and signing of the ar- 
 ticles of clerkship arrived, whereby I was to serve in 
 an attorney's office for five years, with every prospect 
 that a handsome income would succeed my application 
 to this line of business ; and when the draft of the 
 deed was about to be sent to be engrossed, and I was 
 to take it to the law-stationer's for that purpose,— ^ 
 borne down by hidden trials, my earnest, fervent peti- 
 tion in a secret place, where I stepped aside to pour 
 out my soul unto God, was, that if the Lord was my 
 guide and my leader, he would make a way even now, 
 when there appeared none, to get out of the predica- 
 ment in which I was so closely confined : and speedily 
 that day I was taken ill and obliged to see a physician, 
 
56 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 who ordered me to Southampton as soon as I could go; 
 which was accordingly effected in three days. I have 
 cause to remember to this day how closely the mighty 
 Helper was about my bed and about my path at that 
 time ; so that my tenderness of heart, and my cries 
 and tears in secret were often remarkably answered, 
 and were felt even to prevail with God. My song 
 was also unto him in the night season; and living 
 praises would ascend, in very small intervals of time, 
 when the soul had a few seconds only to turn to its Com- 
 forter. When I returned from Southampton I resumed 
 my station at the desk ; but my eye saw clearly that 
 that place was not my lot, though I did not even then 
 think of giving up the profession altogether ; but that 
 was also shown me in due season, when I was able to 
 bear it. So that there is indeed ground yet for me 
 to trust and not be afraid, as well as for others : seeing 
 that there is One who can make darkness light, and 
 crooked things straight, and hard things easy. 
 
 [He finally relinquished the pursuit of the law in the 
 latter end of this year.] 
 
 September, 1816. — What inexhaustible goodness and 
 loving kindness has the Lord in store for those of every 
 age, class, and description, who strive to serve him in 
 sincerity. ! He sheds at times his refreshing pres- 
 ence and protection in a remarkable manner round 
 about his poor dependent little ones, showering down 
 upon them the dew of his grace. -I have thought, in- 
 deed, that the inward consciousness of his approbation 
 attending us is sometimes permitted to be as strong and 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 57 
 
 evident as we could desire. It has been graciously al- 
 lotted me during this day or two to experience such a 
 degree of his favor attending me, and to feel such a 
 measure of his divine blessing shed upon me, that I 
 can scarcely forbear in this manner testifying to the 
 continuance of his care for his creatures, even for those 
 who have widely strayed from his flock and have been 
 long wandering in the wilderness. Yes, yes ! " His 
 hand is stretched out still;" — praised be his name ever- 
 more ! 
 
 19th. — Though I wish to be the last to find fault with 
 the innocent and natural sprightliness and liveliness of 
 youth, yet I cannot but excuse myself from joining in 
 with what is commonly so termed, having often felt 
 thereby unsettled in mind and indisposed for raflection. 
 I have found that by occasionally relaxing in the dis- 
 cipline -of watchfulness, the inclination to laughter, 
 more particularly, gained much ground upon me ; and 
 there has been no small difficulty in restraining this 
 habit; when much indulged ; so that it strikes me to be 
 a snare. Though religion does not make a man gloomy, 
 yet it never allows him to be off his guard ; no, he 
 must " watch and pray, lest he enter into temptation," 
 — taking up his daily cross to all frivolous and foolish 
 talking and jesting, besides other more evident and 
 Dpen evils. 
 
68 lETTEBS AND MEMOKANDTTMS 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 London, October, 10th, 1816, 
 
 Dear Friend, W. F. 
 
 Whilst taking up my pen to address thee, I feel 
 very desirous not to incur the sentence denounced in 
 Scripture, against him that " trusted in man and made 
 flesh his arm, and whose heart departed from the 
 Lord ;" for there is a disposition to regard the creature 
 more than the Creator, in whom alone is everlasting 
 Strength: And yet a saying of the apostles Peter and 
 John, when brought before the Jewish council, has 
 often been comfortably remembered by me, after much 
 unreserved communication with some of my dear 
 friends ; and I trust I may safely adopt it as my own 
 on this occasion, — "for we cannot but speak the things 
 which we have both seen and heard." How shall I 
 then be silent concerning the dealings of Infinite Good- 
 ness, or how shall I forbear to testify of Him who 
 "delighteth in mercy;" of whom it is said, and has 
 been experienced by thousands as well as myself, — 
 " He will subdue our iniquities, and will cast all our 
 sins into the depths of the sea." Indeed I have rea- 
 son to say thus, and much more ; for few suspect the 
 depth of perdition from which I have been rescued. 
 Awfully appropriate was that language twice repeatecf 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAY. 59 
 
 in the little company I sat with at our friend's house 
 at S. — " Thou wert as a brand plucked out of the burn- 
 ing." I earnestly desire that what follows may not 
 equally apply : "yet hast thou not returned unto me, 
 saith the Lord." How strongly have I been encou-r 
 raged, my dear friend, to believe that even in these 
 latter times the same arm. of everlasting mercy is still 
 underneath, the same crook of loving kindness is yet 
 conspicuously stretched out to reclaim and to restore. 
 Though I have but little time or space to spare, yet 
 one circumstance attending my former course of life I 
 may not omit to mention. I remember, my dear 
 friend, (bear, with me if thou canst,) a season when piy 
 wickedness had arrived at such a complicated and ag- 
 gravated height as to threaten, to all appearances and 
 all probability, inevitably impending consequences ; 
 and these so encompassed me round on every side that, 
 though a thorough adept, I totally despaired of escap- 
 ing that which was likely to follow. At this eventful 
 crisis, when my wretchedness was more than I can de- 
 scribe, and almost more than I could bear, there was a 
 secret but fervent dcvsire raised in my very inmost soul, 
 that if it were possible, I might be delivered from this 
 anguish of mind and dilemma of situation which were 
 then owned [by me] to have been brought on by my 
 own sinfulness, and much less than was deserved. 
 There was also something like a covenant, [on my part,] 
 that if I might be thus rescued, no bounds should be 
 placed to the dedication of my future life. The sequel 
 was as striking as the fact itself, — each black cloud of , 
 
60 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 this storm, from that very day forward, rolled gradu- 
 ally away, and in a surprising manner withdrew and. 
 dissipated. So that in truth I have had and still have 
 most feelingly to adopt a language as literally and re- 
 markably applicJable to myself as it could perhaps have 
 been to him that used it, — " He brought me up also out 
 of the horrible pit, out of the miry clay ;" and I think I 
 may add, it is equally my desire and belief that the re- 
 mainder of this passage may and will be as nearly my 
 experience, — " This is the Lord's doing, and it is mar- 
 vellous in our eyes." Yes, my dear friend, "I am as 
 a wonder unto many" amongst those who knew me lit- 
 tle more than three years ago, then living in total for- 
 getfulness, or rather abandonment, of Him who, not- 
 withstanding, did not utterly abandon me; but, .as 
 Eenelon says, "who followed me in my ways, which 
 were those of sin ; who has run after me as a shepherd 
 in search of his strayed sheep." So that I cannot be 
 silent on this subject,, but am constrained to acknow- 
 ledge that in all my various diflBculties, distresses, and 
 dangers, the power and presence of One, " who is able 
 to save to the uttermost," has been with me and around 
 me, bringing about seeming impossibilities, making a 
 way where no Way was, and effecting deliverance " with 
 a mighty hand and with an outstretched arm." 
 
 With respect to that share of affliction which has 
 been handed to me of late, I can truly say it is my de- 
 sire that others, in their various trials, may be equally 
 enabled with myself to discover and acknowledge in 
 them the hand of Him who " is righteous in all hip 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 61 
 
 ■ways, and holy in all his works." When privations are 
 permitted to attend, what a consolation, my dear friend, 
 to find a Father of the fatherless ; when about to sepa- 
 rate from those who have from childhood shared the 
 same mixed cup of joy and grief, what a favor to feel 
 that, wherever scattered, still each of us is near that 
 Fountain to which we may all have access. When a 
 total revolution in our outward condition takes place : 
 when luxury, delicacy, splendor, and vanity, together 
 with all those objects endeared by fond recollection 
 are to be relinquished, how sweet to know "it is the 
 Lord — ^let him do what seemeth him good;" and in 
 taking up the cross — the daily cross — denying our- 
 selves and following our Leader through evil report and 
 good report, through sufferings, conflicts, and proba- 
 tion ; what a blessing will it be if we " are kept by the 
 power of God through faith unto salvation." 
 
 Thy sincere friend, J. B. 
 
 22d. — The further I advance in my course along this 
 valley of mist and obscurity, the more evidently am I 
 permitted to discover, the more frequently am I con- 
 strained to admire, the infinite condescension of the 
 Lord. ! how sincerely can I exclaim with the Psalm- 
 ist, "What is man, that thou art mindful of him, or 
 the son of man that thou visitest him." Fervent indeed 
 have been my desires, and still more and more so, as 
 the visitations of condescending mercy have been re- 
 newedly extended, — that my whole heart may be pre- 
 prepared for the reception and further manifestations 
 
62 IiETTEKS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 of this great and gracious Guest. ! may there 
 be in my inmost thoughts and imaginations, as well as 
 over my words and outward demeanor, such a constant 
 watchfulness, as may evidence a holy awe and fear of 
 gi\ing him offence, or occasioning a separation between 
 him and my soul. 
 
 ! Thou who seest in secret, and to whom my most 
 secret petitions are thoroughly known, and known to 
 ascend even daily and hourly ; be pleased, in thy ex- 
 ceeding great compassion and wonted mercy, to hand 
 me a little help. Grant that I may be made willing to 
 follow thee whithersoever thou leadest, and to become 
 whatsoever thou wouldst have me to be. 
 
 25th. — I have been led to think that many are ready 
 to inquire with Pilate, " "What is Truth ?" but not being 
 willing to wait long enough for an answer, or to wrestle 
 for the blessing, have hastily gone out like him from 
 the presence of Jesus, who is the only Way, Truth and 
 Life, even as it were unto the Jews, the dark and out- 
 side professors; and having consented, or been pre- 
 vailed upon, to join hands with those betrayers, have 
 fallen away from, and become opposers of, the very 
 Truth, both in themselves and others. 0! that 
 we may ever bear in mind the excellency and precious- 
 ness of the truth ; and thus be made willing to encoun- 
 ter anything that is, in the smallest degree, an ob- 
 struction to our reception and acknowledgment of it. 
 
 November, 1816.— Do not look at others, whether 
 their example seems to recommend one line of conduct 
 or another ; no, not even at such as are very industri- 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 63 
 
 ous in business, and yet accounted strictly religious 
 characters ; they are no guide for you : — stand on your 
 own ground ; nothing will justify what you are about 
 to do, or to forbear to do, but a full conviction of duty. 
 If you have that true peace which no man can give or 
 take away, it matters little what others may say or 
 think. Remember that the honest fisheAnen quitted 
 their lawful concerns, nay all, to follow Him that called 
 them ; but it was not till he called ; the hundred-fold 
 reward, and the everlasting inheritance were promised, 
 not to those who merely forsook all that they had, but 
 to those who did so for his name's sake. I think it was 
 William Penn who said, "It is not the sacrifice, however 
 great, that recommends .the heart, but the heart that 
 gives the sacrifice, however mean, acceptance." 
 
 9th. — ! what shall I say, or what words shall I 
 make use of, to declare fully the Lord's goodness and 
 compassion to this poor frame of mine ! Day by day, 
 yes, all the day long, is his hand renewedly and re- 
 freshingly turned upon me, for my present and ever- 
 lasting welfare. Even when the power of the wicked 
 one came over my poor soul, when all desires and en- 
 deavors after good, after "those things that make for 
 peace," were to appearance utterly extinguished, even 
 in that dismal hour, which was still more darkened by 
 the insensibility which benumbed me, the gloriously 
 great and gracious Giver of all good was pleased to 
 pity me, and to revive the latent spark within me, 
 making it grow gradually brighter. Surely, He is 
 working a great work within me ; his hand, his holy 
 
64 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 hand is upon me ; and if not through my own default, 
 he will by no means draw back or desist, until he has 
 made me all that he would have me be. What a mul- 
 titude of obstructions as well as snares and difficulties 
 encompass me ; how shall I put one foot forward in the 
 right way, except the Lord himself condescend con- 
 tinually to " direct my steps." And ! then, what a 
 constant need. there is of acknowledging Him in all my 
 ways ; that so this promise of safe and sure direction 
 may happily befulfiUed in my experience : " The Lord, 
 he it is that doth go before thee ; he will be with thee ; 
 he will not fail thee^ neither forsake thee." 
 
 12th. — Lord God Almighty ! it is of thy exceed- 
 ing mercy that I am raised up, and enabled thus fer- 
 vently, thus solemnly, to address thee, as the God which 
 hast led me unto this day. ! how clearly and com- 
 fortably hast thou, during this time of need, revived 
 the remembrance of what thou hast done for them that 
 have sought or desire to seek thee. Where is not thy 
 " mighty hand," and thy " outstretched arm," to be 
 discovered ? When I " look at the generations of old, 
 and see," through thy grace I am enabled to silence 
 every doubt, every discouraging fear, by that feeling 
 and forcible interrogation: "Bid ever any trust in the 
 Lord, and was confounded ; did any abide in Ma fear, 
 and was forsaken ; or whom did he ever despise, that 
 called upon him ?" Well might thy servant say, " The 
 earth, 0. Lord ! is full of thy mercy ;" and thy prophet 
 exclaim, " The whole earth is full of his glory." "And 
 now, Lord ! what wait I for ? my hope is in thee :" in 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 65 
 
 thee, m thee alone is my joy, my crown, my confidence. 
 I dare not ask of thee deliverance out of trouble, ex- 
 cept in thy time ; but oh ! my very soul doth crave of 
 thee, that I may be kept from everything like evil ; — 
 that I may be supported and sustained by that " hid- 
 den manna," which is promised "to him that over- 
 cometh." ! grant. Lord, unto him who feels him- 
 self at this time awfully humbled under thy mighty 
 hand, — that he may be made still more deeply sensi- 
 ble, that " thou art God alone ;" and as often as thou 
 art pleased, in thy very abundant compassion, to re- 
 new within him that which constrains him to cry out, 
 "My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God," — at 
 such precious seasons, may he be satisfied with nothing 
 short of Thee ; and strengthen thou him to endure pa- 
 tiently through all, waiting upon, hoping in, and watch- 
 ing for thee ! 
 
 23d. — It is certain to my mind that one invariable 
 evidence of true religion having entered and taken up 
 its abode in us, will always be, that we shall no longer 
 conform ourselves to this world in its vanity and folly ; 
 and that, in our dress, address, and general conduct in 
 every particular, we shall not be governed by worldly 
 maxims or opinions, but by the law written in our 
 hearts. How far, then, is this the case with me ? How 
 far can I assuredly say, that this change of heart is 
 my experience ? I feel indeed that I come short of 
 what ought to be my practice ; that though I have 
 given up my name to serve the living God, even Him 
 who hath led me unto this day, —though I have with- 
 
 6* 
 
66 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 held not some things which were required of me to give 
 up and to forsake, — yet has not my heart fully, entirely 
 and without reserve resigned my all. There have been 
 those parleys and tamperings with sin, those secret re- 
 lapses, those connivances with the enemy, which the 
 Lord abhors. What a total surrender of self does our 
 pure and righteous Lord call for ; what an abandon- 
 ment of everything evil does he expect from his fol- 
 lowers ; what a daily and hourly watchfulness and 
 circumspection is required of those who would be heirs 
 of a glorious mansion, where nothing impure can enter ! 
 How very appropriately is it written, " Be ye holy, for 
 I the Lord your God am holy." 
 
 Same date. — How beautiful, how gloriou'i a sight is 
 it to behold the sun in the morning when it issues from 
 its bed of crimson hue, when it gradually ascends the 
 horizon, dissipating the dusky gloom of fading night, 
 and tinging every object in nature with its golden rays. 
 And may I not say, that through the blessing of a gra- 
 cious Creator, I am enabled almost daily to witness the 
 spiritual arising of the "Sun of righteousness with 
 healing in his wings." Surely, the Day-Spring from on 
 high, " through the tender mercy of God," hath v»sited, 
 and is visiting me ; and assuredly the end and purpose 
 of his arising is the same that it was formerlv, — even 
 " to give light to them that sit in darkness and in the 
 shadow of death, to guide their feet into the way of 
 peace." I think I say not amiss, when I declare my 
 belief, that the light within me seems to get brighter, 
 and the fire warmer almost every day. ! that I mav 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 67 
 
 be content to remain in the refiner's fire, that so I may 
 become purified and refined from everything evil. 
 
 27th. — I have been long in much trouble and diffi- 
 culty about changing my dress, as well as adopting 
 those other distinctions and testimonies which Friends 
 uphold and practice ; and my anxiety respecting these 
 things has been, lest I should take them up without good 
 ground, and without being clearly and indubitably sen- 
 sible that these sacrifices are called for. Indeed, I 
 have gone mourning on my way, day after day and 
 night after night. Perplexity and discouragement, 
 darkness and distress, have at seasons clouded the ho- 
 rizon of the morning of my days ; and mainly because 
 I knew not certainly the divine will as to these external 
 observances, and as to many other sacrifices. But I 
 think that this subject has been cleared up very satis- 
 factorily to me this day, in much mercy, both by what 
 I felt, and by what was delivered through a servant of 
 the Lord, at meeting. 
 
 Same date. — I see evidently that " Jesus Christ came 
 into the world to save sinners," and that "unto them 
 that look for him, shall he appear the second time, with- 
 out sin anto salvation;" — "the wages of sin is death," 
 and, consequently, that without repentance there is no 
 remission of sin ; — that we must be in the way of being 
 redeemed from the power of evil, or the punishment 
 will not be remitted ; — that we must be delivered from 
 sin itself, before we can be delivered from the wages 
 of it, which is condemnation ; for it is aptly expressed, 
 " There is now no condemnation to them that are in 
 
68 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the 
 Spirit." ! then, my soul, surely there is required of 
 thee a clean heart and a right spirit to be renewed 
 within. How shall I bestow pains and anxiety about 
 cleaning the exterior, whilst there lurks any filth in the 
 interior. How shall I garnish the outside with an ap- 
 pearance of the beauty of holiness, and polish it after 
 the similitude of a temple dedicated to the Lord, when 
 it stinketh within by reason of the defilement there con- 
 cealed. Surely, it is well said by the Lord to those 
 hypocrites, the Pharisees, and it equally applies to 
 many in these days as to them: "Cleanse first that 
 which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of 
 them may be clean also:" and the latter part of this 
 exhortation remains strikingly true, — for I am fully 
 persuaded that all cleansing of the exterior, to be sin- 
 cere and not hypocritical, must be the effect of a change 
 of heart. 
 
 December 4th. — Is it not beyond a doubt that 
 the Lord will make known his will to his poor depend- 
 ent creatures, who with sighs and tears both day and 
 night seek to serve him aright in all things ? Surely 
 He is no hard master who does not evidently let his 
 servants see what is required of them ; nor, I am per- 
 suaded, does he at any tiffie call for more arduous ser- 
 vice than he gives strength to accomplish. But then 
 He must and will be sought unto, both in order that 
 his will may be clearly known, and, when known, that 
 sufiBcient strength may be handed to enable to perform 
 the same. All my desire is before the Lord ; and he 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAY. 69 
 
 knows and, I believe, hears my prayers ; he sees my 
 watchings and my weepings, and is witness to all my 
 woes. I do indubitably believe that the present time 
 is very precious to me, — that the hand, the mighty 
 hand, of the Lord is upon me for good, — that he is ex- 
 tending his gracious visitation to me his poor sinful 
 creature, who has been bound by the bond of darkness, 
 by the power of the destroyer. He is and has been 
 arising for iny help, for my deliverance ; he has assur- 
 edly in some measure brought me, as it were, out of 
 the land of Egyptian and cruel bondage; and it ap- 
 pears to me impossible, unless by my own default, that 
 his promises should fail in the midst of the fulfilment 
 of them, and that he should leave me in the wilderness 
 to die in my sins, to be destroyed by famine and want. 
 No, he has a fountain of living waters in store for me, 
 and though I know not whether I may partake of that 
 delicious and reviving consolation out of the bare and 
 barren rock or on the fruitful and flowery banks, 
 " Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God 
 of my salvation." 
 
 January 27th, 1817. — "Having food and rai- 
 ment, let us be therewith content," &c. I have ad- 
 mired the honest simplicity and plain speech which the 
 first Christians, and especially their great pattern, 
 made use of to instruct their hearers : the reasoning 
 of the apostle in this place is unanswerable, and the 
 process of his thoughts appears to me so natural as to 
 be not easily misunderstood. The substance of that 
 which he sets forth is, without any strained exposition, 
 
70 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 nearly as follows : the gain of riches is by no means 
 godliness, nor can it be a substitute for godliness in the 
 end ; on the contrary, godliness is profitable both here 
 and hereafter, and therefore is alone true gain. Wealth 
 and possessions last us only whilst we live : we had 
 them not when we came into the world, and it is cer- 
 tain we can retain them no longer than whilst we are 
 here. Seeing, that soon, very soon, we must part with 
 these things, let us provide "bags which wax not old, 
 a treasure in the heavens which faileth not;" and as 
 to everything else, the riches, the enjoyments of this 
 vain and passing scene, let us use these things as not 
 abusing them ; let us not be slaves to them, but rather 
 render them of service to us. If we are rich, let us 
 not hide our talent in the earth, but be rich in good 
 works ; and if we are in a middling condition as to out- 
 ward circumstances, let us endeavor so to act as to be 
 able strictly to adopt the apostle's language, "These 
 hands have ministered unto my necessities, and to them 
 that were with me." Thus we shall be enabled more 
 fully to understand and more freely to accede to the 
 text, " Having food and raiment, let us be therewith 
 content." 
 
 Olapham, January, 29th, 1817. 
 
 Dear Sister, L. A. B. 
 
 1 am inclined to believe that we are somewhat 
 
 similarly situated in a spiritual point of view, and there- 
 fore that a few lines from one who desires to accom. 
 pany you [thee] hand-in-hand through this painful pil- 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAY. 71 
 
 grimage, may not be unacceptable. On reading to 
 thee the very reviving and refreshing Psalm which oc- 
 curred to me yesterday, I was ready to think that we 
 could hardly take with us too much courage on our 
 perilous journey through life. Some may look forward 
 at the commencement of their course with no other 
 feelings than those of cool complacency and comfort, 
 as if. our life whilst here was like a summer's day; 
 others may view this state of being as a vivid and glit- 
 tering scene of continued enjoyment, and like the gay 
 and giddy butterfly, no sooner are they in existence 
 than their sport begins. But the longer I am permit 
 ted to remain here, the truth of that view of life which 
 the Scriptures present, appears more and more evi- 
 dent. Is it not there said to be a state of trial and of 
 trouble? "Man is born unto trouble as the sparks fly 
 upward." When I look as far before me as my imper- 
 fect and short-sighted senses will enable me, I see 
 mountains of opposition and difficulty, wastes of deso- 
 lation and desertion, floods of aflliction and rivers of 
 bitterness to wade through and to pass over, — the hea- 
 vens above appearing black, and the horizon beyond 
 veiled in obscurity. Whatever thou, or I, or any may 
 think or say, be assured that the Christian's path 
 through this state of being to a better is no other than 
 that which it always has been and will ever be ; as it 
 is said, "we must through much tribulation enter into 
 the kingdom." The path for thee and me, as well as 
 for all is not such as the flesh could wish ; it is indeed 
 a narrow path — too narrow for sense and delf to walk 
 
72 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 in. There is in it but just room, and that is all : it is 
 not wide enough for us tO pass pleasantly along -with 
 singing and with mirth ; but may rather be compared 
 to those narrow defiles between the snow-topped Alps 
 through which the traveller is directed to pass quickly, 
 without trifling, witbout delay, and in silence, lest the 
 huge masses above him or the parts on which he stands 
 should in a moment consign him to destruction. If 
 this be true, then how very much occasion is there for 
 us both to lay aside every weight, everything that is 
 likely to entangle, to ensnare, or to impede in the race 
 that is set before us. Is it not the case that we are 
 less disposed to remember our providential escapes and 
 the many mercies that have been granted, than to mur- 
 mur at the scantiness of our fare or the barrenness of 
 our shelter? It does then appear to me especially 
 necessary that we should take with us all the strength 
 and encouragement afforded. And where is this to be 
 found, but, as it were, in the very bosom of perfection : 
 in Him who alone is the true source of every good and 
 the resource in every evil? Let us consider what is 
 said of Him in Scripture, that not one sparrow in his 
 vast creation escapes the protecting hand and the ob- 
 serving eye of its Maker. We have indeed a Parent, 
 who is nothing but love ; who created us out of the 
 purest love ; who preserves our natural lives every mo- 
 ment ; whose love alone gave us immortal souls fitted 
 for immortal joys, and, through his Son, opened a way 
 by which all might enter into the possession of eternal 
 life and glory ; and it is' expressly said, " no good thing 
 
OP JOHN BARCLAY. 73 
 
 ■will God withhold from them that walk uprightly." 
 So there is help, and hope, and happiness for all, what- 
 ever may be their condition or situation, excepting only 
 such as wilfully persist in refusing or abusing extended 
 and continual mercy. J. B. 
 
 February 8th. — The very important decision as to 
 the line of life which I am to pursue has often, for 
 this year past, given me much anxiety and inward ex- 
 ercise. It has often been the cause of restless nights 
 and anxious days, and even, I have reason to believe, 
 to the injury of my health of body as well as of mind. 
 The anxiety which it excited in me seems, however, to 
 have been misplaced; because I ought to have been 
 desirous to know what was right to be done in the case, 
 and how, and when, rather than to find out what could 
 be contrived or thought of by my own skill and man- 
 agement. There ought to have been more of that simple 
 reliance and dependence, that trust and confidence, which 
 is the behavior and feeling of a babe towards its mother : 
 how quiet, how calm it slumbers in her arms, — how safe 
 and happy it is whilst there. My soul, take heed, lest 
 after having experienced marvellous deliverances, after 
 having been, like the Israelites of old, led in the day- 
 time "with a cloud, and all the night with a light of 
 fire," — after having been fed as with manna in the 
 wilderness, and thy thirst quenched with water as from 
 the rock, — take heed, lest after all that has been done 
 for thee thou shouldst, through unwatchfulness or un- 
 belief, in the least degree doubt the strength of that 
 
74 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 hand that upholds thee; the depth of that wisdom 
 which is directing thee; the providence of that eye 
 which slumbers not; the extent or continuance of that 
 love from which nothing but sin can disengage thee. 
 
 Whatever is to be thy lot, whatever task is assigned 
 thee in the vineyard, wherever may be the scene of thy 
 earthly tarrying, whether afflictions surprise thee as, a 
 flood, or thy pleasures be as a full flowing fountain, 
 " hope thou only in God," for " from him cometh thy 
 salvation." Neither give place to doubt or disbelief, 
 nor to very much anxiety or disturbance of mind, re- 
 specting what may befal thee. Never fear, — there is 
 One that provideth for the sparrows ; there is One to 
 whom every event is in subjection. He is good : from 
 his hand " proceedeth not evil ;" and he hath 'said, 
 "there shall no evil happen to the just." In the mean 
 time, in' all thy watchings and waitings, in all thy 
 wants and weariness, cease not to think of his mercies, 
 his goodness, his tender dealings with thee ; be mind- 
 ful of these things ; hide them not, be not ashamed of 
 them ; but show " to the generation to come the praises 
 of the Lord, and his strength and his wonderful works 
 that he hath done." Surely, my soul, if thou doest 
 thus,- if thou rememberest that God has been and will 
 be thy rock and thy redeemer ; if thou trustest in the 
 Lord and makest him thy hope, thou shalt " be as a 
 tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her 
 roots by the rivers;" thou shalt prosper in thy day, 
 and be established. 
 
 14th. — 0, Lord ! thou who knowest all things, the 
 
OF JOHN BAEOLAY. 75 
 
 hearts of all men are open and bare in thy sight ; thou 
 canst not be deceived ; thou lookest upon the heart ; 
 thy regard is to the thought and intent of it, and thy 
 controversy and thy judgment only with the evil 
 thereof. 0, Lord ! no one but thyself fully knows 
 how fervently and frequently my soul doth crave of 
 thee, that thou wouldst enable thy poor longing crea- 
 ture to step forward with faith and firmness in the way 
 of thy requirings. Be present with me on this trou- 
 bled ocean ; take me, I beseech thee, by the hand, say- 
 ing, "fear not;" and if it be thy gracious will, be 
 pleased to guard and govern me day by day, and hour 
 by hour ; that so through thy sufficient and availing 
 help I may be made willing and able to become thy 
 true disciple and servant, — to follow a crucified Re- 
 deemer, through the tossings and tempests of this 
 troubled scene, to a glorious and an immortal inherit- 
 ance. 
 
 February. — I have been at this time, as at many 
 others, very seriously impressed with the belief of the 
 immediate influence of the Spirit of that great and. 
 gracious Being, who promised by the mouth of Him 
 whom He sent into the world, that He should be, in 
 his true disciples, a teacher of all things, and a guide 
 into all truth. There has been felt this evening a still 
 small voice, whispering in the secret Of my soul, and 
 gently opening what would be required of me. It has 
 been given me to see with an unusual degree of clear- 
 ness that there will be an important post, an honor- 
 able station for me to hold, if I am but faithful to the 
 
76 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 smaller discoveries of duty ; — that the track, which for 
 a short space I have been stepping in, though likely, to 
 lead me in the way of usefulness, is not the track ap- 
 pointed for me ; — but that way will be opened, in due 
 time and manner, to engage in a more extensive occu- 
 pation, even a high and holy calling. I speak not here 
 of a prospect of engaging publicly as a minister among 
 Friends, but of religious usefulness generally. I. de- 
 sire not to be misunderstood, and thus to bring disgrace 
 on the Truth, or the true lovers of it : I therefore can 
 scarcely forbear to mention the view of my mind, as it 
 is and has been on this matter. I have long mourned 
 day and night, and have been grievously affected with 
 the rapid advances which the enemy of souls is making, 
 on the earth at large, on professing Christians gener- 
 ally. Under this impression my soul has been weighed 
 down more or less, for the space of above two yeats 
 with little intermission, even before I came into ac- 
 quaintance with that Society, of which I was born a 
 nominal member. My very health, I believe, has been 
 at times injured by this constant anxiety ; which was 
 not to be erased or smothered by close application to 
 business, or by society, or recreation. My concern has 
 been much increased, by a review of the depth of per- 
 dition from which I have been plucked, even as a brand 
 from the burning ; and by the deplorable effects of sin 
 on those, with whom in my vile courses I kept com- 
 pany. Now I believe I may not with innocenoy'or 
 impunity quench, or reject, or make light of, such con- 
 cerns and impressions as have their foundatien in 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 77 
 
 Trutt, and the end of which is the advancement of 
 Truth ; nor am /I at liberty to treat such thoughts as 
 he did, who said, " Go thy way for this time, when I 
 have a convenient season I will call for thee ;" foras- 
 much as I know not that another opportunity may be 
 afforded me. I therefore feel bound to encourage and 
 cherish good impressions by all means and at all times. 
 The oftener I have considered this important and ex- 
 tensive subject, the more strongly have I been induced 
 to believe, that sacrifices will be called for at my hand ; 
 and that I shall be constrained to take up my daily 
 cross in a peculiar manner, not only as to things which 
 are wrong 'in themselves, but as to those which have a 
 tendency to evil, and even in many things which reli- 
 gious people account innocent and allowable. ! when 
 I read in the Scriptures the very excellent precepts 
 and instructions given for us to follow ; and when I 
 examine closely the conformity of the lives of those 
 by whom the precepts were delivered^ my admiration 
 at the coincidence in every minute particular, is, as it 
 were, swallowed up in mourning, at the declension of 
 the present professors pf the same religious duties* 
 By such considerations and reflections, my soul is 
 stimulated very fervently and frequently to petition 
 Him, who is the fountain of all good, that he would, 
 in his own time and way, aid his own cause ; — that He 
 would be pleased to regard the sighs, the cries, and the 
 tears of His exercised people — " His own elect, which 
 cry day and night unto Him," for the advancement, 
 extension, and prosperity of everything that is good. 
 
78 LETTEKS AND MEMOBANDUMS 
 
 March, 1817. — The subject of dress has very fre- 
 quently come under my serious consideration, — it has 
 of late been still more often and more deeply im- 
 pressed on my mind ; and as I have kept quiet and 
 calm, singly desirous to know and to do whatever might 
 be required, the matter has opened more and more 
 clearly before my view; and some things -with regard 
 to it, which had been hitherto hid from me, whilst in a 
 disposition to follow my own reasonings and fleshly 
 wisdom, or concerning which I seemed then to be un- 
 certain and undecided, now brighten up into clearness, 
 so as to make me conclude that they are indisputably 
 right for me to adopt. And surely, I may add, no 
 sooner is a truth clearly manifested, — a duty distinctly 
 marked out, than it should without hesitation be obeyed. 
 With regard to my present dress, and outward appear- 
 ance, it is evident there is much to alter. That dress, 
 from which my forefathers have, without good reason 
 and from improper motives departed, to that dress I 
 must return : — that simple appearance, now become 
 singular, which occasioned and still continues to occa- 
 sion the professor of the Truth suffering and contempt, 
 the same must I also take up, and submit to the con- 
 sequences, thereof. Some may object to this, as if it 
 were improperly " taking thought ;" but I differ from 
 them, not in the rule itself about the anxiety bestowed 
 on clothing, but about the application of that. rule. It 
 is right, if the vain customs, folly and fashion of this 
 world have insinuated themselves into any branch of 
 our daily conduct, to eradicate them, with every one 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 79 
 
 of their useless innovations, whatever trouble, anxiety, 
 or persecution it may cost us. But after we have once 
 broken our bonds, we shall find a freedom from anxiety, 
 trouble, or thought about our apparel, far surpassing 
 the unconcern and forgetfulness, which seems to deaden 
 the spiritual eye and apprehension of the slave of 
 custom. 
 
80 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 Maech 13th, 1817. — I think it right at this 
 time to set down my opinions, or rather such opinions 
 as I conceive to be sound and good, relative to the 
 subject of business : I fear many of my near and dear 
 friends have much mistaken my ideas on this matter ; 
 and perhaps I myself have not entirely acted up in 
 every respect to that standard, into which the Truth 
 leads those who follow its dictates. I believe that it is 
 good for man to earn his livelihood by the sweat of his 
 brow. If any one has, or ever comes to have sufficient 
 for the support of himself or family, — by a sufficiency, 
 I do not mean that which will satisfy all his desires, 
 nor that which may raise his family above the sphere 
 in which they were born, neither that which will fur- 
 nish his children with large capitals to enter lucrative 
 or extensive concerns, — but if he has wherewith to 
 support himself and family in a moderate way of living, 
 and to afford his children an useful education, the know- 
 ledge of some hon^t employ, and a little to begin with, 
 — ^it is enough. I am inclined to think, that such a 
 one should consider, whether it be not right for him to 
 give up his business to his children, to faithful depend- 
 ents, or to relations that want it ; unless he be of a 
 disposition that can hardly find occupation for his mind 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 81 
 
 out of business, and in this case, let him continue to 
 employ himself in it, taking only a small share of the 
 profits. With respect to charity, let not any in trade 
 nicely glean their vine of the fruit with which the Lord 
 hath so abundantly blessed them ; but let them gather 
 sufiScient, and the rest let them leave for the portion 
 of the poor. For my own part, if way open for my 
 going into business, I believe it will be safest for me 
 to engage in such a one as is moderately profitable, 
 yielding regular returns, and tending to the general 
 and substantial welfare of mankind, to the injury of 
 none, and which will not take up much attention or 
 anxiety. But especially I desire, that I may never sell 
 to others any article which has an evil tendency, or 
 which evidently and often is misapplied. With respect 
 to this particular, I have lamented to see that Friends, 
 who are fearful lest they should give way to the spirit 
 of vanity, pride, and extravagance, and who on that 
 account decorate neither their persons nor houses, nor 
 even allow their servants to dress gaily, — that these 
 should yet feel easy to deal to others, things which 
 they disapprove of for themselves ; — that they should 
 not hesitate to buy and sell such articles as they well 
 know are inconsistent and incompatible with the pure 
 teachings of that principle by which they profess to 
 be led. This matter has impressed me much. I know 
 that by adopting this sentiment, I show my disappro- 
 bation of the conduct of many sincere-hearted Friends, 
 and I am also aware how few descriptions of occupa- 
 tion in life are entirely free from this objection. Ne- 
 
82 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDUMS 
 
 vertheless, I do believe that the sincere-hearted amongst 
 us will not hesitate to give up that in their outward 
 concerns, which they see and know to be an encourage- 
 ment to evil in any shape. That these may come to 
 see this matter, as clearly as I do at this present time, 
 is the warm desire of my soul. 
 
 But the ground upon which I think it best for me to 
 be not much engrossed in the things of this life, is 
 this : having experienced no small share of the forbear- 
 ance and mercy of the Lord, having been rescued and 
 delivered from the pit of destruction, having sincere 
 and fervent desires for my own preservation and salva- 
 tion, as well as for that of my poor fellow-creatures 
 everywhere, — I have inclined towards the belief, that 
 the Lord will make use of me, if I am faithful to his 
 requirings, in the way and time, and for the purposes, 
 which He sees best. Under this impression it is, that 
 I believe it right for me to sit loose to this world and 
 its anxieties, and not to be too much entangled in them, 
 lest I should be incapacitated for performing that ser- 
 vice which may be shown to be my duty, or unable 
 from my situation in business to undertake it. Though 
 I scarcely think it .my place to be out of business, yet 
 I believe that it is good for some to be entirely released 
 from it ; and also, that well disposed persons should 
 devote a considerable portion of their talents, time, and 
 money, to visiting and relieving the poor, and advan- 
 cing and promoting the good of mankind in various 
 other ways, according to their several gifts. 
 
 April 4th. — Last Tuesday week, the 25th of 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 83 
 
 March, was our Quarterly Meeting; at which pre- 
 cious opportunity I was much favored to feel refresh- 
 ment and instruction: the business of the meeting 
 was conducted pretty much to satisfaction, and the 
 conclusion of the last sitting I have reason to remember. 
 During the interval of ten days which has since elapsed, 
 I have frequently had on my mind an inclination to 
 record the awful and weighty posture into which my 
 soul was brought on that occasion, by the merciful visi- 
 tation of a tender Father. Towards the latter part of 
 the concluding sitting, after the business of the meet- 
 ing was transacted, and a suitable pause had ensued, a 
 minister got up with this most impressive language of 
 the apostle : " Other foundation can no man lay, tha,n 
 that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now, if any man build 
 upon this foundation, gold, silver, precious stones, wood, 
 hay, stubble, — every man's work shall be made mani- 
 fest ; for the day shall declare it, because it shall be 
 revealed by fire ; and the fire shall try every man's 
 work, of what sort it is. If any man's work abide 
 which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a 
 reward." I believe nothing was added to this by 
 the Friend himself, though R. Phillips carried for- 
 ward the subject a little more .with much force and vi- 
 gor. After this another minister rose, and in a solemn 
 and earnest manner applied the foregoing to the youth 
 then present : he urged them, in a powerful manner, to 
 look to their foundation, and to examine what hope they 
 were laying up against the time to come : he reminded 
 them how soon and how suddenly even the young, the 
 
84 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 healthy, and the strong were cut off, and desired them to 
 recollect, that the Lord loved an early sacrifice, a sacri- 
 fice of ti me, and talents, and treasure : a sacrifice of every- 
 thing : and he recommended to those who were ready 
 to give up all and follow their crucified Saviour, fully 
 to ascertain that what they are about to offer, was re- 
 quired and called for at their hands ;- and in all their un- 
 dertakings and designs, thoroughly to try " the fieece." 
 I cannot repeat what I felt upon this awful occasion, 
 especially as the remarks came fron one to whom I am 
 not known, nor do I even know him by sight. I could 
 scarcely speak to any one, after the meeting broke up, 
 but walked home in fear and trembling, under a re- 
 newed impression and belief, that the Lord is yet as 
 mindful of his poor, frail creature as ever he has been. 
 As I was returning to Clapham, in deep retirement of 
 spirit, and in silent waiting before Him "who givith us 
 all things richly to enjoy," these texts' of Scripture 
 were revived in my recollection, and sealed very firmly 
 in the instructive communications which I had heard : 
 " Let every man prove his own work, and then shall he 
 have rejoicing in himself, and not in another;" "Be 
 not deceived, God is not mocked: for whatsoever a 
 man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that sow- 
 eth to his flesh, shall of the flesh reap corruption : but 
 he that soweth to the spirit, shall of the spirit reap life 
 everlasting." I had also occasion to remember, that he 
 it was who came to Christ, heard his sayings, and did 
 them, that was likened tO a man who built upon a 
 rock. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 85 
 
 [It appears, that about this period the author felt it 
 to be his duty to address his late schoolmaster, having 
 ■when under his charge been guilty of much irregular 
 and disreputable conduct. The reader may judge of 
 his feelings on this occasion, by the following extracts 
 from his letter to this person, after having left the 
 school about four years.] 
 
 lOth of Fourth month, 1817. 
 
 Esteemed Friend, B. H. M. 
 
 Whilst taking up my pen to address thee, my mind 
 is deeply affected by the vivid occurrence of past 
 events, with all the crowd of feelings Trhich spring up 
 on this occasion. The mass of sin and folly through 
 which I walked when under thy notice ; the exhortations, 
 the reproofs, the forbearance, and the warnings which 
 I received and despised, — together with all the flood 
 of remorse and repentance which has since intervened, 
 and above all,- the clear conviction, with which I am to 
 this day favored, that it was nothing short of "the 
 mighty band and the outstretched arm," which brought 
 about my deliverance ; these are a few, and but a few, 
 of the emotions that throng me, whilst attempting to 
 relieve myself of a burden of duty which has long been 
 due. The principal object in my view by this humili- 
 ating task^ seems to be to procure from thee, for all 
 these numerous injuries which in time past have been 
 offered thee, such a free and full forgiveness as, I am 
 encouraged to believe, has been long since received 
 from a still more injured Master, who is in heaven. 
 S 
 
86 LETTERS AND MEMOBANDUMS 
 
 Whatever opinion or disposition thou mayest entertain 
 towards me, even if likely to be at all different from 
 that which I have every reason to expect ; yet such is the 
 feeling of gratitude and respect with which I remember 
 thy wholesome discipline and indulgent attention to me 
 when under thy protection, that it seems as though I 
 could receive, with equal regard, the severest or the 
 mildest reply which thou mayst see best to make. 
 Amidst all the discouragements which in many ways 
 attend the honorable and truly important post in which 
 thou art placed, — from the ingratitude, the perverse- 
 ness, the corrupt and hardened insensibility to what is 
 good, so often prevalent in early youth ; still is there 
 much cause to believe, that many more of this class are 
 arrested in their perilous career, than return to ac- 
 knowledge it to such as have had the charge of them ; 
 and it is probable that even some of whom, after much 
 solicitude and unwearied endeavors on thy part, thou 
 hast given up almost every hope, shall yet live to fill 
 up their various stations in society with satisfaction 
 and with credit. When I look back upon my own past 
 conduct, and take in all the various aggravating cir- 
 cumstances attending or connected with it, many of 
 which thou art not acquainted with, I find myself able 
 to express very little of what I feel, not only towards 
 thyself, but towards all whom I have in any manner 
 injured, whether more or less remotely. With feelings 
 of esteem for thyself and family, believe me to be thy 
 friend, J. Barclay. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 87 
 
 TO A FRIKND. 
 Clapham, 22d of Fourth month, 1817. 
 
 My Dear 
 
 In the season of sore aflSiction, which has at this time 
 overtaken me, next to that consolation which springs 
 from Him who is the source of all good, I know of no- 
 thing that affords such refreshment as the sympathy of 
 dear and valued friends. And that I have thy tender 
 sympathy and solicitude at this time of trial and of tears, 
 I feel too well assured to doubt. How insignificant, 
 how comparatively light did the adoption of any alter- 
 ation- in appearance and behaviour seem to my view, 
 whilst they were looked upon from a distance : how 
 little did I suppose that such trembling and distress 
 would have been occasioned by so trifling a circum- 
 stance as the discontinuance of' some paltry practices 
 and habits, which were clearly seen to have had their 
 origin in evil, or tended to it : how far was I from be- 
 lieving, that when the time should come for my stand- 
 ing forth and showing under whose banner I had en- 
 listed, in whose chosen -regiment I served, there could 
 be any other feeling in iny heart but joy, that I was 
 counted worthy to suffer whatever might be the conse- 
 quence. Well, dear , we have that which is bet- 
 ter than words, by and through which we can commu- 
 nicate ; why then need I add more. It may, however, 
 relieve thee a little of what I know thou feels for me, 
 to be assured, that in every respect as to this import- 
 ant matter, whether I look at the time, the mode or 
 
gg LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 extent of this act of dedication, I have nothing for which 
 to reprove myself as yet,— nothing that I could really 
 and truly wish to be otherwise than it is ; and that I 
 have abundant cause for thankfulness and encourage- 
 ment. Believe me thy affectionate friend, J. B. 
 
 [In a letter to a Friend, dated ubout this time, he 
 writes : — ] 
 
 We have truly witnessed the " mighty hand " and 
 the " outstretched arm ;" then let neither of us be 
 using in effect any other language than " the will of the 
 Lord be done." Let us beware, lest we be in any wise 
 counteracting the intention of Him who intends better 
 for us, far better, than we can possibly provide for 
 ourselves. I believe there is a work assigned to each 
 of us ; that whilst to one is given a talent of one kind 
 wherewith to occupy, to another may be handed one 
 of a very different description ; and as long as we are 
 in our allotted stations, a blessing attaches to us. That 
 thou and I may both be found not blindly choosing our 
 own path, or laying down our own self-willed plans and 
 projects, — for that which we may call our welfare in 
 life, is my earnest desire. For assuredly it is not the 
 estimated usefulness or service which we may be ren- 
 dering to ourselves and to society by taking up this or 
 the other course of life ; but it is the being in our right 
 places which is acceptable. Or, as R. Barclay said : 
 " If Paul, when his face was turned by the Lord to- 
 wards Jerusalem, had gone back to Achaia or Mace- 
 donia, he might have supposed he would have done God 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 89 
 
 more acceptatle service, in preaching and confirming 
 the churches, than in being shut up in prison in Judea ; 
 but would God have been pleased therewith? Nay, 
 certainly. Obedience is better than sacrifice ; and it 
 is not our doing that ■which is good simply, which 
 pleaseth God, but that good which he willeth us to do." 
 
 J. B. 
 
 Clapham, Fifth month, 1817. 
 
 To J. F. M. 
 
 I could say much to thee at this time, and 
 
 could tell thee what a precious interval the present is 
 more and more felt by me ; how clearly matters seem 
 daily to open before me, as a calm, willing, watchful 
 state is abode under ; how hard things are made easy, 
 bitter things sweet, and how things that were expected 
 to have brought suffering, have yielded little else but 
 joy and rejoicing as " a song in the night." 
 
 It must be an encouragement to thee, and a cause of 
 joy to see how very graciously and tenderly I am dealt 
 with day by day, — bow the task is proportioned to the 
 measure of ability afforded; and when the spark is 
 cherished by obedience, and everything that tends to 
 damp or check is removed, how an increase in strength 
 is experienced, and especially what sweet peace is at 
 intervals the result. " What shall we render to Him" 
 for all our blessings and benefits ? Is there anything 
 too great to sacrifice, or that any of us shall withhold ? 
 May we become more and more learned, more and 
 more deeply taught in that best of lessons, humility ; 
 
 8* 
 
90 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 for without this seasoning virtue, the highest attain- 
 ments in religious knowledge are likely to produce no- 
 thing short of additional condemnation. It is the 
 humbled and contrite spirit that is an acceptable sacri- 
 fice, and " said to be precious in the sight of Him with 
 whom we have to do." Farewell. J. B. 
 
 Fifth month. — I think I have heard a remark made 
 by some amongst us, tending rather to the injury and 
 prejudice of them that give place' to the sentiment, — 
 namely, that persons should not let their outward pro- 
 fession and appearance outstep their' inward and real 
 condition and character. This sentiment sounds very 
 well, and perhaps is sound, with some qualifications. 
 It is, however, in the neighborhood of error ; and there- 
 fore should be cautiously received and acted upon. 
 For, verily, the reason why I or any others have 
 adopted a strict appearaince in dress, address, or other 
 particulars, is not that we thought ourselves better 
 than those who have not found this strictness expedi- 
 ent for them ; nor is this strictness of profession among 
 men any certain or safe mark of taking up the cross 
 of Christ. The cross that we have daily to take up, 
 as followers of a crucified Saviour, is a spiritual cross, 
 a cross to our appetites, passions, afi"ections and wills. 
 The crucifying power will, no doubt, after cleansing us 
 from all manifest wickedness, cleanse also and purify 
 our very thoughts and imaginations, our very secret 
 desires and latent motives ; and amongst these will it 
 also destroy " the lust of the eye and the pride of 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 91 
 
 life," with all the fruits and effects thereof, -which have 
 crept into and are so apparent in the daily conduct of 
 men of the world. Thus, no doubt remains with me 
 but that if we, as a society, were more universally 
 subject to the operative and purifying power which we 
 profess to believe in, there would be found more strict- 
 ness even in minor matters than is now seen, and 
 greater circumspection, seriousness, and a continual 
 standing in awe. 
 
 13th. — I have been reading, and have just finished 
 the journal of the life and religious labors of Mary 
 Alexander. I have not read very many of the jour- 
 nals of deceased Friends, but from those which I have 
 read, there has been impressed upon me many an in- 
 structive lesson. It is in such accounts that we gain 
 that treasure of experience which, without books or 
 writings, would be only attainable by the aged. We 
 see from these narratives, at one comprehensive view, 
 the importance, the value, the object, and the end of 
 human life. The travellers whose pilgrimages are de- 
 scribed, seem to traverse their course again under our 
 inspection. We follow them through their turnings 
 and windings, — through their difficulties, discourage- 
 ments, and dangers; through the heights of rejoic- 
 ing and the depths of desolation to which, in youth, in 
 age, in poverty, in riches, under all conditions and cir- 
 cumstances, they have been subject. From these ac- 
 counts we learn the many liabilities which surround 
 us, and we may (unless through wilful blindness) un- 
 equivocally discover where the true rest and peace is 
 
92 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 to be found ; and in -what consists the only security, 
 strength, and sure standing. How loudly do the lives 
 and deaths of these worthies preach to us : they being 
 dead do indeed yet speak, exhorting and entreating 
 that we who still survive may lay hold and keep hold 
 of those things in which alone they could derive any 
 comfort in the end. I have accompanied this dear 
 Friend, as it were, from place to place, and from time 
 to time ; I have seen her as she passed through the 
 changing circumstances and events of each revo];nng 
 year ; and cannot but observe that while she followed 
 the gentle leadings of Israel's Shepherd, giving up her 
 own to His will, she found such peace as encouraged 
 and strengthened her under every distress, perplexity, 
 and darkness. It was an unwearied, unshaken belief 
 in the being of an infinitely great and gracious Master 
 that enabled her, as it ever has and as it does even 
 now enable all who rightly embrace it, to encounter the 
 buffetings of the enemy, the perils and pains of the 
 body, the exercises and conflicts of the soul, the un- 
 certainties and exigencies of time, with the same calm 
 confidence and, at seasons, even with triumphant joy. 
 Thou, dear fellow-traveller, dear to me in proportion 
 as thou art near -to Him who is very tender to us all, 
 I do affectionately salute thee, whoever thou art that 
 readest what is here written, whether a relation or a 
 stranger, young or old, born in a higher or more hum- 
 ble station, — I affectionately entreat thee that thou 
 wouldst weightily lay these things to heart whilst it is 
 day unto thee — whilst the light which makes manifest 
 
OP JOHN BARCLAY. 93 
 
 •what things are reprovable and -what commendahle, 
 shines in thine heart ; whilst the Lord is in exceeding 
 mercy condescending to care for thee, and to plead 
 with thee. 0, lay these things to heart. I testify as 
 in the sight of Him who sees in secret, who knows thy 
 and my inmost thoughts, that there is no other way to 
 real rest amidst the contingencies of time, nor to an 
 unfading reward when this earthly tabernacle is dis- 
 solved, but in obeying Him who said, " I am the way, 
 the truth, and the life." Be warned — be prevailed 
 upon, dear reader, by one who acknowledges to thpe 
 that he himself has been in great depths of wickedness 
 through disobedience to the faithful unflattering moni- 
 tor, and has found no peace, no deliverance but through 
 the low portal of obedience to the same. By this he 
 has been from day to day encouraged and strengthened 
 to leave off one evil practice and disposition after an- 
 other, and has been helped in some very small degree 
 to put on a better righteousness than his own ; and he 
 assures thee that thy repentance and thy faith are to 
 be measured by thy obedience to the appearance of 
 Christ within, "the hope of glory," as he is received 
 in his secret visitations and obeyed in his manifested 
 requirings. 
 
 16th. — In what words shall I express thy tender deal- 
 ings, thy loving kiiidness, Lord ! to my poor soul ? 
 How shall I approach thee, how shall I speak of thee, or 
 speak to thee, thou, the Giver of every good gift ? Thou 
 art far more gratcious than any language can commemo- 
 rate, or than any tongue can convey an adequate no- 
 
94 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 tion of. Thou hast wrapt me in a garment of praise j 
 thou hast covered, me with a sense of thy compassion. 
 I am swallowed up with love of thee, with thy love to- 
 wards me. Take pity upon the poor dust which thou 
 hast been pleased to animate with the breath of thy 
 pure Spirit, and' to make a living soul ; still condescend 
 to continue thy fatherly protection — thy very tender 
 mercies and fortearance hitherto vouchsafed ; and enable 
 me and all thy poor creatures to answer yet more and 
 more thy end and purpose in creating us, — still more 
 and more to love and adore thee, who art our all in all. 
 May thy kingdom, thy power, and thy glory, yet more 
 widely and triumphantly extend over everything within 
 us and without us. May thy blessed will so come over 
 all that the period may again be known when "the 
 morning stars sing together, and all thy sons, God, 
 shout for joy !" 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAT. ^ 95 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Fifth month, 20th, 1817.— ! tow fervently, how 
 earnestly have my cries and breathings ascended to 
 Him who is the fountain and source of all good, that 
 all the true well-wishers to Zion's welfare, all the 
 hearty, zealous, living laborers may be preserved at 
 this season,* on the right hand and on the left ; that 
 they may be kept in their proper places and in subjec- 
 tion to the great Master of our assemblies ; that their 
 spiritual eye and ear may be opened and enlivened by 
 his healing hand ; that their speech may be directed 
 and their mouths filled in his own time and way to his 
 glory ! May each" one of these be kept low under his 
 almighty hand ; may that which is of the creature 
 within them be abased, whilst that which comes from 
 the source of life and glory is exalted above every ob- 
 stacle or opposition. ! thou who art pleased at timfes 
 to favor thy poor dependent little ones, those who have 
 no hope, or help, or happiness, but in the smile of thy 
 benignant countenance ; be pleased at this time so to 
 refresh their hearts with the influence of thy paternal 
 presence, so to overshadow them with a sense of thy 
 continued protection and care, that they may be seve- 
 
 * Yearly Meeting. 
 
96 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 rally encouraged and confirmed to serve thee with, 
 greater diligence, to devote themselves afresh to thy 
 service and disposal, and more sincerely and unre- 
 servedly to say and to feel that thy will is best in all 
 things ! 
 
 Sixth month, 1st. — I have attended the sittings of 
 this Yearly Meeting, as well as those of its large Com- 
 mittee on Epistles, of which I was nominated a mem- 
 ber, and am inclined in this manner to notice it. I 
 think I never saw the importance of our assemblies, or 
 indeed of any system of church government, in so 
 strong a light as previously to this Yearly Meeting. 
 For many days before it commenced my mind seemed 
 engrossed with a sense of the weighty act of duty 
 which we were going to take in hand. I was encom- 
 passed with earnest desires and great exercise of soul 
 that every individual attendant there might be avail- 
 ingly instructed and benefitted, whether it should fall 
 to his lot to be more or less prominently engaged ; and 
 that thus whatever we might do in word or deed, we 
 might do all to the glory of the Lord and for the pro- 
 motion of his great cause. I was favored to continue 
 in the same tender feeling frame of mind, with but 
 little diminution, to the conclusion of our solemn en- 
 gagement. At times the Lord did extend his precious 
 gathering wing over his poor dependent little ones, and 
 enabled some to sing in their hearts to his praise ; — 
 blessed be his holy name. ! what a privilege it is, 
 to experience preservation on every hand, to be each 
 of us kept in our proper places, and under our own fig 
 
01? JOHN BARCLAY. 97 
 
 tre<j, where none can make us afraid, — each of us 
 abiding under our particular exercises, and upon the 
 Tvatch-tower. 
 
 A few lines affectionately offered and addressed to 
 every young person whom they may concern. 
 
 Sixth month, 10th, 1817. 
 
 Dear Fellow-traveller : 
 
 In a little of that love which has been extended to 
 me by Him who " showeth mercy unto thousands," I 
 send thee these few lines ; sincerely desiring that the 
 eye of thy soul may be so effectually opened and en- 
 lightened by the healing hand of the great physician, 
 Christ Jesus, as to enable thee clearly to see the things 
 which belong unto thy peace, before they are hidden 
 from thee. 
 
 Dear fellow-traveller, dost thou not at times, when 
 thy mind is in some degree disengaged from the round 
 of sin and folly, or when thy natural flow of health and 
 spirits is somewhat broken, dost thou not feel within 
 thee convictions of thy wickedness, and condemnation 
 for the same ? Hast thou not intelligibly heard at such 
 intervals a languag^which whispers "all is not right?" 
 Hast thou not felt that the end of these things, in 
 which thy gratification is placed, can never be peace — 
 can never be anything short of death, eternal death, to 
 the soul that persists in them ? Be assured, then, that 
 although these are thy secret feelings, thou art still the 
 object of infinite condescension and loving kindness. 
 He who desires not the death of the evil-doer, but the 
 9 
 
98 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 death of the evil, is still near thee, notwithstanding all 
 thy rebellion ; following thee in thy ways which are 
 those of sin, and running after thee as a shepherd, in 
 search of his strayed sheep. These pleadings of divine 
 grace, these convictions of the Spirit of Christ, which, 
 in spite of thy concealment of them, are pursuing thee, 
 and in spite of thy endeavors to appease them by par- 
 tial reformations, are galling thy soul, — even these 
 are the evidences of His gracious hand upon thee, who 
 wounds only to heal, and whose very judgments are in 
 mercy. ! that thou mayst come to see with un- 
 doubted clearness the truth of this ; that thou mayst 
 be encouraged and emboldened unreservedly to follow 
 that which is as I fully believe, shown thee to be right 
 and acceptable in the sight of the great Judge of all 
 the earth. Assuredly, He has shown thee what he is 
 requiring at thy hands, and what his righteous contro- 
 versy is with. He requires of thee nothing but that 
 which has separated thee from Him, the only source 
 and centre of true joy, — nothing but that which, if not 
 forsaken, will embitter thy present life, and plunge 
 thee into utter darkness after it. Dear fellow-traveller, 
 it may be that thou hast been, within these few years, 
 mj companion in the walk of wickedness ; that I have 
 taken thee, by the arm, have helped thee forward in 
 the broad and beaten track which leadeth downwards ; 
 that we have taken delight to set at defiance the com- 
 mandments of a great Creator, and have yielded our- 
 selves and all that we possess the ready ins43rumer.ts of 
 Satan: our time, our talents, our means dut jouth, 
 
OF JOHK BARCLAY. 99 
 
 our health, our peace, have been freely sacrificed at 
 the altar of our soul's enemy. Be then entreated by 
 one who has himself trod in this path — who has hur- 
 ried forward with impetuosity down this fatal current — 
 who, borne by the rushing waters to the very brink of 
 a tremendous precipice, has been there snatched from the 
 very mouth of destruction. There is indeed, dear young 
 person, neither help, nor hope, nor happiness even in this 
 state of existence, but in the favor of Him in whose favor 
 is life — in implicit obedience to the divine will as far as 
 it is made known to us. It is to no purpose that we 
 reckon ourselves, or are reckoned by others, as belong- 
 ing to this sect or the other church, to this class or the 
 other division of professing Christians, — if we fall short 
 of those unalterable marks and evidences of true Chris- 
 tianity, by which we shall be known and distinguished 
 in that great day, when every gloss will be removed, 
 and every ceremony and shadow shall fade before the 
 eternal Sun of truth. We read that at that awful 
 crisis thM-e shall be but two names or classes by which 
 the inhabitants of the whole world shall be known — 
 the sheep and the goats — the good and the bad. Well, 
 dear fellow-traveller, it remains for each of us, if we 
 have any desire that this transient state of being may 
 terminate in an unfading inheritance, to lay aside all 
 the false and foolish reasonings, all the vain suggestions, 
 the cheating insinuations of an unwearied adversary; 
 and with sincerity and simplicity of soul, to take up 
 the holy resolution to seek and to serve the Lord our 
 God durincf the few remaining days that may be allotted 
 
100 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 to US ; and to this end, that we may be found daily in- 
 quiring in His temple, the temple of our own hearts, 
 and waiting upon Him there, where his kingdom must 
 come and his will be done ; that so we may feel his 
 presence and power, to direct and to guide us into the 
 saving knowledge of himself. That thou and I, as well 
 as all our poor brethren upon the face of the earth, 
 may be of that gloriously happy number who shall in- 
 herit an eternity of joy unspeakable in the kingdom of 
 heaven, is the earnest desire of one who feels himself 
 thy soul's true friend. 
 
 TO A FRIEND. 
 
 Clapham, 18th of Sixth month, 1817. 
 Whilst thinking of writing to thee, a part of a beau- 
 tiful meditation of the Psalmist, on the works and 
 wonders of Providence, occurs to me. After dwelling 
 much on the variety and immensity, the order, the har- 
 mony^ the excellent provision and appointment of all 
 things both in heaven and upon earth, the poor servant 
 cries out, as if unequal to the task : " Lord ! how 
 manifold are thy works ! in wisdom hast thou made 
 them all: the earth is full of thy riches." I re- 
 member, it is somewhere said, "All thy works shall 
 praise thee, and thy saints shall bless thee ;" and whilst 
 we thus see that the heavens declare his glory, and the 
 firmament his handy work, — whilst we see that all his 
 works praise him, are we not convinced that his saints 
 should likewise bless him? Are we not abundantly 
 persuaded, that man also — whom we now see the only 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 101 
 
 flaw, the only speck in this vast production, perverted 
 in himself, and perverting the rest of the creation, — • 
 was originally made pure and perfect in his kind, and 
 did then glorify his Maker. Oh ! how fully do I be- 
 lieve, how clearly do I see, that it is only as we poor 
 creatures come to be renewed in the spirit of our minds, 
 and to experience the putting on of the new man, which 
 aftei- the image of Him who made us, is created in 
 righteousness and true holiness, that we can rightly 
 worship, acceptably praise, and truly give glory to so 
 infinitely righteous and holy a Being with whom we 
 have to do. Thus alone are we brought inexpressi- 
 bly to feel the beauty of those scriptural or other 
 writings which dwell on the works of the creation ; thus 
 also are the faculties of our mind opened, enlarged, and 
 quickened to examine, to perceive, and to adore the 
 great first cause of all. What a blessed experience, 
 when everything within us and without us, — the stars 
 above us, and the dust under our feet, seem all to join 
 with us, and to show forth that Power which has made 
 them, and which supports and sustains this system, this 
 machinery of the universe. Surely the revolutions and 
 vicissitudes to which the spiritual as well as the natural 
 kingdom seems subject, the turnings and overturnings, 
 the storms and the calms, the darkness and the bright- 
 ness, the dreary and the cheering prospects, the droop- 
 ing and the delightful seasons, are equally in the hol- 
 low of His hand, who is said to be "all in all." He 
 saith to the raging winds, "peace, be still," and to the 
 foaming billow, " thus far shalt thou come, but no fur- 
 9* 
 
102 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 ther." What then should be the invariable language 
 of our hearts ; -what should be the clothing of our 
 spirits day and night, in all extremities, and under all 
 the circumstances to which we are constantly liable, 
 but "the will of the Lord be done." 0! that we 
 might be privileged to continue from day to day, and 
 all day long, in such a prostrated, humbled, reverential 
 frame of spirit, as would indubitably evince our belief 
 in the presence, protection, providence, and power of 
 Him whom we profess to serve. Thy affectionate 
 friend, J. B. 
 
 24tb. — I think I have never felt in so reduced a 
 condition, in so pitiable a state of miAd, as during 
 some intervals of late ; at this time especially, it seems 
 as though I were at the very boundary where distress 
 of soTil ends, and where utter darkness and desolation 
 begin. Still is there something . like hope ; — still is 
 there, tbrough the infinite mercy of Him, whose king- 
 dom and whose power are far above the dominion of 
 the wicked one, something resembling the faintest 
 glimmer of a spark of light, through all the horror 
 and gloom which reigns. Lord ! this once help me ; 
 condescend to bless me, and be with me, and I will 
 follow thee whithersoever thou leadest. ! Lord God 
 of my fathers, I have read of thy goodness towards 
 those who sought thee, towards those who trusted in 
 thee, in times that are past ; I have seen, and I have 
 known, and am sure, that it shall ever be well with 
 those who have no help, or hope, or happiness, but in 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 103 
 
 and by and through thee, the source and centre, the 
 spring and the river of all consolation and refresh- 
 ment. 
 
 25th. — I attended our Quarterly Meeting held this 
 day, under a weight of discouragement, without being 
 able to feel anything alive within me. It seemed to 
 some, however, to be an open time, a time of refresh- 
 ment ; jJie truly hungry and thirsty were shown what 
 a blessed condition they were in ; and they were directed 
 to the fountain of living waters, the living bread from 
 heaven, whereby they might be nourished up into eter- 
 nal life. There was also a supplication put forth on 
 behalf of some, who were under discouragement and 
 doubting whether they ought not to enter upon some 
 important duty ; and a desire for such, that they might 
 "go forth in this their strength," in the deep sense 
 of their own weakness ; — which much reached me. 
 The sittings for business were no less trying to me, 
 and I believe to some others, who mourn at the untem- 
 pered, (if I may use that expression,) or rather perhaps 
 unleaTvened manner, in which these our meetings for 
 the promotion of good order. Christian conduct and 
 conversation, are sometimes held. Oh ! how little of 
 an inwardly gathered and retired disposition do we 
 see ; how little of that weighty concern and exercise 
 of soul — that abiding under the overshadowing canopy 
 of pure fear, which were witnessed by those amongst 
 us in former times, and spoken of in those words of 
 William Penn : " Care for others was then much upon 
 us as well as for ourselves, especially the young con- 
 
104 lETTEKS AND MEMOKANDTJMS 
 
 vinced. Often had, we the burden of the word of the 
 Lord to our neighbors, relations, and acquaintances, 
 and sometimes to strangers also : we were in travail 
 for one another's preservation, treating one another as 
 those that believed and felt God present ; which kept 
 our conversation innocent, serious, and weighty. We 
 held the Truth in the spirit of it, and not in our own 
 spirits, or after our own will and affection. These were 
 bowed and brought into subjection, insomuch that it 
 was visible to them that knew us ; we did not think 
 ourselves at our own disposal, to go where we list, or 
 say or do what we list, or when we list : our liberty 
 stood in the liberty of the Spirit of Truth ; and no 
 pleasure, no profit, no fear, no favor, could draw us 
 from this retired, strict, and watchful .frame. Our 
 words were few and savoury, our looks composed and 
 weighty, and our whole deportment very observable. 
 I cannot forget the chaste zeal and humility of that 
 (Jay ; — oh ! how constant at meetings, — how retired in 
 them, — how firm to Truth's life as well as to Truth's 
 principles!"* Thus far William Penn ; and oh! that 
 we could say, that anything like all this did really and 
 truly pervade our conduct now, aS a religious body. 
 
 Clapham, 30th of Sixth month, 1817. 
 Respected friend, Thomas Shillitoe, 
 
 Having fulfilled the object which induced me to send 
 the preceding lines, I am inclined to add a few more ; 
 
 * William Penn's Rise and Progress. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 105 
 
 which I am ready to believe I should have done well to 
 communicate to thee, when last in thy company. I 
 faintly recollect, many years past, when but very young 
 and at school, hearing thee, (I think I cannot be mis- 
 taken as to its being thyself,) in a meeting for worship 
 at Wandsworth, largely and powerfully engaged in 
 testimony. I also remember my own feelings at that 
 season, how ready I was to laugh thee to scorn, and 
 to despise thee. But I have been met with, like poor 
 Saul, and am now brought to such a pass, that I can- 
 not find satisfaction or even safety, in anything short 
 of a warm and unreserved espousal of that cause which 
 I but lately made light of. The subjects to which thou 
 wast concerned to call the serious attention of Friends 
 at the last Yearly Meeting, have been deeply felt by 
 me ; and I may truly say, tliat nearly as long as I 
 have been privileged by an acquaintance with the 
 houses and families of Friends, which, though I was 
 born a member, is- not long, I have at times almost 
 mourned at the great relaxation from Gospel strictness, 
 and simplicity of living, so evident amongst us. Surely 
 I have thought if we were to cast out the crowd of 
 opinions, which have got the first plaqe in our minds, 
 — opinions founded or cherished by custom, example, 
 and education in the good, and by vanity, or something 
 worse in the bad ; and if we were coolly and calmly 
 to listen to the silent dictates of best wisdom, we should 
 clearly see, that the holy principle which we profess, 
 (to use the words of John Woolman,) inevitably " leads 
 those who faithfully follow it, to apply all the gifts of 
 
106 LBTTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 Divine Providence to the purposes for -which they were 
 intended," I venture to say we should then find a 
 greater necessity laid upon us to exercise self-denial in 
 what we are apt to think little matters, than is now 
 often thought of; we should have such a testimony to 
 bear against superfluity, extravagance, ostentation, in- 
 consistency, and the unreasonable use of those things 
 which perish with the using, as we now profess to have 
 against the more flagrantly foolish customs and fashions 
 of the world. Whatever some may think in regard to 
 these things, I feel assured, that he, who in his out- 
 ward appearance or behavior, bears any remnant of a 
 testimony against the customs and fashions of the 
 world, ought to be ashamed of himself, if he belies 
 his avowed sentiments, by a departure from simplicity 
 in the furniture of his Bouse and way of living. Wilt 
 thou excuse my saying a little more, dear friend, on so 
 important a subject as this has long felt" to me ? I 
 have been almost ready to blush for some, at whose 
 houses I have been, where pier-glasses with a profusion 
 of gilt carving and ornament about them, delicately 
 papered rooms with rich borders, damask table-cloths 
 curiously worked and figured- extremely fine, expensive 
 cut glass, and gay carpets of many colors, are neither 
 spared nor scrupled at. Some indeed seem to be de- 
 sirous of disguising and excusing their violation of the 
 simplicity which their better feelings convince them 
 they should practice, by saying, that this or the other 
 new or fashionable vanity is an improvement on the 
 old article, — that this gay and gaudy trumpery will 
 
OF JOHN BARCtAT. 10'' 
 
 wear and keep its color better than a plainer one. or 
 that this precious bauble was given them by their rela- 
 tions. Thus are they endeavoring to satisfy the in- 
 quiries of those who love consistent plainness, and to 
 silence that uneasy inmate, the unflattering Witness 
 ■which is following them. I have been much exifcised 
 and troubled on my own account, and on that of others, 
 as to these matters ; and have been very desirous that 
 we may all keep clear of these departures. 
 
 Thus thou seest I have felt much freedom in address- 
 ing thee, even like that of an old acquaintance, and 
 hope I shall never want this honest openness towards 
 such as are examples in conduct and conversation ; for 
 when there is a want in this respect, it seems with me 
 to indicate a want of that which brings with it bold- 
 ness and confidence towards all men, even a fear of 
 One who is greater than man. With desires that, in 
 receiving and reading this communication from one 
 who is so young in years and experience, thou mayst 
 be encouraged in thy arduous labor, in which I have 
 • felt much sympathy with thee, and trusting it may be 
 blessed by the reward of peace to thyself, and. by the 
 return of many a backslider to the living Fountain, I 
 remain thy sincere friend, J. B. 
 
 Seventh month, 4th. — In reading the 13th chapter 
 of the first book of Kings, I have at this time been 
 much instructed, and am ready to take the lesson to 
 myself as a warning or special admonition. Herein 
 we see, that it availed nothing in respect to the future^ 
 
108 liETTEBS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 that the prophet had, though so lately, been favored 
 with a divine commission, and was hitherto upright in 
 the faithful discharge of that arduous duty which de- 
 volved upon him from his Lord, — even that of openly 
 proclaiming the vengeance of the Almighty against the 
 idolroy that had overtaken the people, — and boldly 
 asserting the destruction of the priests even to their 
 faces, and in the presence of their king ; saying to him 
 in reply to his invitation, — " If thou wilt give me half 
 thine house, I Will not go in with thee ; neither will I 
 eat bread or drink water in this place :" — ^yet after all, 
 he was weak enough to give up his own clear convic- 
 tions of duty, as revealed in and to himself, the truth 
 of which was indubitably evinced and sealed by the 
 miracle which attended the partial performance of 
 them, and to prefer obeying the old prophet, before 
 compliance with "the word of the Lord." Oh! how 
 greatly have I longed in a peculiar and especial man- 
 ner for myself, as I am now situated and circumstanced, 
 that I may steadfastly adhere to no other law but the 
 law written on the heart, and closely attend to the se- ' 
 cret dictates of best wisdom alone. For assuredly there 
 is no safety but in implicitly giving up to the reproofs 
 of instruction, which are and ever will be the way to 
 life.—" Be ye followers of me," says the apostle Paul ; 
 but he adds, — " even as I also am of Christ ;" inti- 
 mating surely that the examples of others in life and 
 conversation are to be followed, only so far as they ac- 
 cord with the example and precepts of Him, who said, 
 "I am the light of the world,"— " whilst ye have the 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 109 
 
 light believe in the light,"—" walk while ye have the 
 light." So that in looking back at such acts of dedi- 
 cation, as have been, according to my belief, required 
 at my hands, and in contemplating the peace which 
 has' ensued after even the smallest surrender, when the 
 sacrifice has been ofiered out of a sincere and upright 
 heart ; I have earnestly, and I may truly say above 
 every other earthly consideration, desired that nothing 
 may be sufiered to hinder me — to turn me aside, even 
 in trifling as well as in great matters and concerns, 
 from carefully, closely, unremittingly attending to, and 
 abiding by, the counsels and teachings of that divine 
 principle, even the Spirit of Christ, which is given to 
 every one for his guide in the way of salvation. I 
 have found amongst many other acts and false sugges- 
 tions and temptations, which the enemy makes use of 
 to deter us from giving up ourselves to the guidance 
 of the Holy Spirit, one which is much talked of and 
 acted upon by many, through their own inexperience, 
 and the deceit of the prince of darkness ; namely, that 
 these leadings and secret influences and inspirations, 
 are not distinguishable from the workings of our own 
 mental or rational powers ; and if they are distinguish- 
 able, that these persons have not felt them or known 
 them. Now in answer to this, which has been my own 
 delusion, I may say, that any one who has for a long 
 season habitually stifled by disobedience this divine 
 monitor, cannot expect to hear or to understand so 
 plainly its voice, as those do who have for a long period 
 listened to its secret whispers, and surrendered them- 
 10 
 
110 LETTERS AND MBMOKANDUMS 
 
 selves unreservedly to its injunctions : these can testify 
 that they follow no uncertain vapor or idle tale ; but 
 that its reproofs are to be plainly perceived, and its 
 incitements clearly to be felt ; and that the peace they 
 witness cannot be imitated, neither can it be expressed 
 to the^ understandings, or donceived by the imagina- 
 tions, of such as have none of this blessed experience. 
 Nor let any poor, seeking, sincere, or serious minds be 
 discouraged, that they do not uppn submission imme- 
 diately or very quickly feel what they wait to feel, even 
 the arising of that secret influencing, actuating, con- 
 straining and restraining power or spirit of the Lord. 
 Let them not be discouraged if this be their case, nor 
 be dismayed if even after some considerable sacrifices 
 and trying testimonies of sincerity, they find not that 
 rich reward of peace which they had expected. Let 
 such remember, it is written, — " he that endureth to 
 the end, the same shall be saved." Now where there is 
 a moment's enduring only, and that previous to or 
 whilst in the performance of what is required, this can- 
 not be called " enduring to the end ;" but it is that 
 "resistance unto blood," as it "l^ere, in faith and faith- 
 fulness, that "patient continuance in well doing," in 
 defiance of difficulties, discouragement, darkness, doubt, 
 and distress, which will give us the victory, and wiH 
 make us through the mercy of God in Christ Jesus, 
 heirs of that eternity of peace, and rest, and joy, which 
 we know is prepared for such as overcome. 
 
 Ninth month, 6th. — For more than a week past I 
 have been plunged by the permission of best Wisdom 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. Ill 
 
 into such a depth of darkness and discouragement, 
 without any perceptible glimmer of alleviiition or ray 
 of comfort, that my poor, tossed, troubled soul seems 
 on the very point of giving up tlje contest and losing 
 hold of its only support and security. Whilst tlie 
 heavens are as brass and the earth as it were iron, 
 what is frail, helpless man to do for himself ? It seems 
 to my view, that there is nothing left for him to do to 
 aid himself, or to deliver himself out of his forlorn sit- 
 uation, but to sink down into his own nothingness ; 
 and there, as in the dust, to remain all the Lord's de- 
 termined time, until he shall see meet to appoint unto 
 him " beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, 
 the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness." 
 When I took my pen to write what has thus been writ- 
 ten, I did not expect to come to the preceding conclu- 
 sion, or that any such reflection would arise out of the 
 subject. , The Lord grant that what I have written may 
 be more than mere words ; and that through and over 
 all diflEiculty and distress I may come forth the wiser 
 and the better, and more devoted to his disposal, and 
 more patient under his dispensations. 
 
 I7th. — I believe myself called upon to bear an open, 
 unequivocal, unflinching testimony, not only against 
 all pride, extravagance, ostentation and excess, but 
 also in a peculiar manner against all the secret insinu- 
 ations and covered appearances under which they are 
 creeping in and growing up amongst us as a Society. 
 I have for years believed that the declension amongst 
 Friends from the true standard of simplicity is great j 
 
112 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 and I am of the mind that if they had diligently 
 hearkened unto and implicitly oheyed the dictates of 
 best Wisdom they would have been led to " apply all 
 the gifts of Divine Providence to the purposes for 
 which they were intended." I believe that it is my 
 duty to live in such a humble, plain, homely, simple 
 manner as that neither in the furniture, food, nor 
 clothing used, any misapplication of the gifts of Di- 
 vine Providence be admitted or encouraged. 
 
 Ninth month. — " Day unto day uttereth speech, and 
 night unto night showeth knowledge;" and where is an 
 end to praising the Lord for his mercy, which " en- 
 dureth forever," and which is abundantly shed abroad 
 to the rejoicing of the hearts of those that seek to 
 serve him, and to the great comfort of their souls in 
 the midst of much tribulation. ! that there may be 
 more and more reliance, unshaken, immovable reliance 
 on Him who thus daily scatters and profusely deals out 
 tokens of his loving kindness. That there may be an 
 increase of faith experienced, an increase of resigna- 
 tion proportioned to the nearer approach of perplexity 
 and difficulty and embarrassment on every hand. And 
 now, when the waves of affliction run high and the 
 floods seem irresistible, may the Lord Almighty, who 
 "is mightier than the noise of many waters," in 
 his own time lift up a standard against them, saying, 
 " thus far, but no farther." Surely, He who remains 
 as ever to be the only sure " confidence of all the ends 
 of the earth," — He who can overrule events for the 
 good of those that sincerely seek him, will not overlook 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 113 
 
 or despise any of those who desire to look unto, and 
 ■ffho lean upon Him alone in all their troubles. 
 
 " ! Lord God of my fathers, art not thou God in 
 heaven ? and rulest thou not over all the kingdoms of 
 the heathen ? and in thy hand is there not power and 
 might, so that none is able to withstand thee ?" Art 
 not thou my God ? art not thou my joy, my delight, 
 my glory, the crown of my rejoicing ? Art not thou 
 He -that hath hitherto helped me that hath brought me 
 out of much evil, that hath inclined my heart to seek 
 thee, and my soul to love and fear thee ? Wilt thou 
 not arise for mj help in the time of trouble, of tempta- 
 tion, of darkness, of distress, from whatever cause 
 these may proceed, whether by thy permission or by 
 thy appointment ? Lord, thou knowest perfectly what 
 are the causes of my present disquietude, and how to dis- 
 pose of all things for the best, both as to the present and 
 as to the future. Thou knowest how poor, and weak, 
 and utterly incapable I am to help myself in any exi- 
 gency that may arise ; and that without thee nothing 
 but confusion, and sorrow, and desolation is likely to 
 be my portion. Make me yet more deeply and last- 
 ingly sensible of this, and that "I have no might 
 against this great company that cometh against me, 
 neither know I rightly what to do." I beseech thee, 
 renew daily and hourly my faith and dependence, and 
 watchfulness unto prayer, and my love and fear of 
 thee. Arm me with thy glorious impenetrable armor, 
 and make me strong in thee and in the power of thy 
 might, that through thy abundantly suflScient grace 
 10* 
 
114 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 and truth I may be fit for all occasions and trials to . 
 •which thou mayest see meet to call me ; that so, my 
 eye being continually upon thee, thy pirecious cause 
 may prosper, and thy name be exalted by me, in me, 
 and through me, both whilst my soul is confined in 
 this frail body and forever and ever. Amen. 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAT. 115 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Ninth month, 20th, 1817.— Truly do I rejoice in 
 believing that I find myself losing more and more of 
 that authority and ability to do anything for the ser- 
 vice of the blessed cause, which proceeds from the crea- 
 ture ; and in this happy experience I see advancement 
 as -well as safety. ! that all shadow and appearance 
 of confidence in the fleshly part may be still further re- 
 moved ; that there may follow a yet mord' firm estab- 
 lishment on the Rock of sure strength, the immova- 
 ble foundation of all true wisdom. Man may possibly 
 think in his reasoning that a smooth path is best for 
 the Christian pilgrim, little knowing how it is that 
 " we must through much tribulation enter the king- 
 dom," except perhaps as it respects outward affliction. 
 Yet we do see, and some of us feelingly know, that 
 deep plungings with buffetings, and toilings, and groan- 
 ings of spirit are the " bonds and afflictions that await 
 us," down to the final hour, it may be, of our depart- 
 ure hence ; and we can of a truth declare at times that 
 such heavily distressing dispensations are by the per- 
 mission of the Author of all good in love to our souls ; 
 and we are sometimes enabled in the blessed moment, 
 when we feel ourselves on the banks of deliverance, to 
 extol His holy name, who hath made us a path through 
 
116 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 the mighty waters and sustained us in the wilderness. 
 How shall my soul forhear to sing aloud unto Him who 
 has preserved it in its travel through a land of pits and 
 of snares, through unspeakable darkness, and an almost 
 utterly disconsolate state ; and has given me this hour 
 of rest and of peace, this little interval of refreshment 
 and joy and great consolation. ! that this precious 
 season had never been graciously given unto me, rather 
 than that I should, after such tender mercies, turn 
 away from following the Lord in the " little moment" 
 when he may again be pleased to " hide his face." 
 
 London, 23d of Ninth month, 1817. 
 
 My dear Friend, J. F. M. 
 
 There are some bright spots in this wilderness jour- 
 ney, and I think thou wilt recognize them by my faint 
 description : when as from an eminence we are enabled 
 to see to a considerable distance both before and be- 
 hind us, feeling ourselves as it were removed into a 
 purer atmosphere. We can even distinguish the little 
 stumbling blocks that have impeded our progress, the 
 rough and rocky ground that has sorely wounded our 
 feet, the very brambles and briery thickets that have 
 jaded us, the narrow passes and threatening precipices 
 through which we have escaped, and on the edge of which 
 we have been preserved. Here it is, on this interesting 
 elevatiori, whilst the eye of the mind is rapidly travers- 
 ing over and tracing the windings of the road by which 
 we have come, that we remember where and when " the 
 troubles of our hearts were enlarged ;" we call to mind 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 117 
 
 the perplexity that befel us, the secret conflicts that 
 attended, and the temptations that waylaid us ; -we can 
 precisely point out the spot where " we sat down by 
 the rivers of Babylon," where "we wept when we 
 remembered Zion," and "hanged our harps upon the 
 willows," and refused to be comforted; we can tell 
 where it was that we " fell among thieves, who stripped 
 and wounded" us, and left us, as it were, half dead ; 
 and we shall not easily forget where the good Samari- 
 tan found us, and had compassion on us, and how ten- 
 derly he treated us, how diligently he took care of us, 
 and provided for our wants. Which of us at such a time 
 can fail to discover and to admire the hand that is over 
 us continually for good ; how seasonably it has been 
 stretched out for our deliverance, for our encourage- 
 ment, when there seemed no one near to help, and no- 
 thing to do but to give up the tedious travel. It is in 
 such a season that we are truly enabled to "praise 
 Him who is the help of our countenance and our G'od;" 
 and to repose anew in Him our confidence and trust 
 for the time to come. 
 
 Thy very affectionate J. B. 
 
 28th. — During the present and past fight of afflic- 
 tions, which the Lord has in wisdom appointed unto me, 
 I have at times, through the assisting grace of Him 
 who has been pleased to fight for me, maintained a 
 fierce and desperate contest, and in degree have been 
 enabled to stand firm against the fury of the enemy. 
 Yet at other seasons, after having been a long time 
 
118 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 under arms, and very weary ■with watching and fast* 
 ing, there has been a relapse or retreat experienced ; 
 and the ground that had been gained by hard fighting 
 has been lost or relinquished. How difficult at such a 
 moment, when harassed and oppressed, faint and ready 
 to drop, to keep from utterly falling away and fleeing 
 before the emboldened adversary ; who, exulting in his 
 success, is proudly pushing forward, at this critical 
 juncture, to make the most of his advantages. But 
 firmly persuaded I am that with the Lord there is suf- 
 ficient strength and power to enable us to overcome all 
 our enemies ; I do very earnestly desire to trust in 
 Him, and not be afraid ; to repose my reliance upon 
 him afresh day by day ; to keep near to him at all 
 times ; to be very faithful unto his requirings ; to be 
 very patient in waiting for his aid and counsel, and in- 
 creasingly watchful against the snares of the enemy. 
 And may his blessing come upon me, and prevent my 
 utter destruction, which at times seems fearfully im- 
 pending. Where is there hope, but in the Lord ? 
 
 29th. — How shall words set forth the dispensation 
 of desolation as to anything like good, that seems to 
 have come over mj soul ? Darker and darker, deeper 
 and deeper, — what will be the termination of this dis- 
 tress ; yesterday I attended Westminster Meeting ; 
 upon sitting down, my sorrows began to arise like a 
 whirlwind, and I was ready soon to burst into tears, 
 exclaiming in secret, " The Lord hath forsaken me, he 
 hath utterly forgotten, and rejected me." After a time 
 of great trial and tossing, a young Friend got up with 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 119 
 
 these -words : " Fear not, fo? I am with thee : be not 
 dismayed, for I am thy Gfod ; I will uphold thee by the 
 right hand of my righteousness." Soon after ■which 
 F. Smith i;pse, and in a very tender manner addressed 
 the poor, afflicted, tossed, tried servants, whose conflict 
 he described as being so heavy, and their souls almost 
 in despair. He expatiated on the number of promises 
 contained in Scripture for such as these, if they still 
 continued faithful and steadfast to the end ; if they 
 still persisted in hoping in, waiting for, and trusting to 
 the Lord alone. He said he believed there were some 
 present whose language was, "The Lord hath forsaken 
 and forgotten me ;" with much more for the encourage- 
 ment of such to patience and perseverance under suf- 
 fering. As for me, I seemed utterly unable to receive 
 any comfort or hope, as if all hold was gone and out 
 of reach, and like poor Job who refused to be com- 
 forted. This evening, after a day of heavy exercise 
 and tears, my brother read a portion of the Psalms. 
 Whilst he was preparing to read, my heart said, " It 
 is all over with me ; there is no good at all for me ; I 
 am rejected of the Lord; his presence and blessing 
 are departed." However, when he began to read, the 
 first words awfully ran through me, " My God, my 
 God, why hast thou forsaken me, why art thou so far 
 from helping me, and from the words of my roaring ? 
 my God ! I ^ cry in the day time, but thou hearest 
 not and in the night season I am not silent." Then I 
 was somewhat comforted in remembering that this was 
 the language of David in great distress ; yet he was 
 
120 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 not forsaken, but -was greatly helped every way by the 
 Lord in the appointed time. 
 
 Ninth month. — ^It ia good to trust in the name of the 
 Lord, to repose in his arm of strength, his paternal 
 tenderness and compassion. It is good to have our 
 many strongholds invaded, our misplaced confidence 
 unhinged, our secret props struck away, that we may 
 more closely cling unto that which is not of ourselves, 
 nor of our brethren, but comes only from the source 
 of all might and of all mercy. Oh ! it is good to have 
 all sense of hope and of help withdrawn,- — to be laid 
 low in dust with all our pride and selfishness ; that we 
 may feel that which is good to flow in upon us in the 
 Lord's own time as an unmerited gift, and thus be en- 
 abled to give the praise to Him alone, from whom comp 
 grace and glory, and every good thing. How great is 
 my desire that the Lord would rather give me darkness 
 and distress, than that, enjoying his favor and blessing, 
 I should be unmindful of the Giver, or grieve him by 
 saying or doing anything inconsistent with his blessed 
 will concerning me. 
 
 Date uncertain. — My mind has been much burdened 
 and weightily afiected with the present aspect of things 
 relating to the growth and prosperity of the ever 
 blessed truth, and not only do I allude to the low state 
 of things within my own bosom, and in the circle of our 
 privileged Society, but also in the world at large. 
 Under a very humbling sense of the infinite conde- 
 scension which still spares us from day to day, and 
 from year to year, and of the unfathomable compassion 
 
OF JuHN BARCLAY. 121 
 
 which still pities, helps, preserves, and provides for us 
 ■with paternal tenderness, I am ready to cry out, "Who 
 will not love, and fear, and obey thee, ! Lord ! and 
 give themselves up to be moulded into accordance with 
 thy blessed will !" But oh the ravages, the desolations, 
 which the enemy hath effected on the-face of all the 
 earth ! how hath he blighted the blooming bud, and 
 blasted the richest grain, and parched up the fruitful 
 field, so that the time of harvest is become the hour of 
 desolation and darkness ! Here and there, through the 
 gloom of this vast howling wilderness, a patch of green 
 revives the drooping eye, and cheers the desert scene ; 
 here and there, amidst the straw and stubble in this 
 great field, the earth, a few single ears are to be dis- 
 covered raising their heads, and are just sufficient to 
 show what the glory of the crop and of the harvest 
 would have been had it escaped the destroyer's hand, 
 and not been trampled down by the wild beasts. 
 
 Tenth month, 2d. — "When the Lord turned again 
 the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream. 
 Then was our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue 
 with singing ; then said they among the heathen, the 
 Lord hath done great things for them. The Lord hath 
 done great things for us, whereof we are glad. Turn 
 again our captivity, Lord! as the streams in the 
 south. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He 
 that goeth forth an4 weepeth, bearing precious seed, 
 shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his 
 sheaves with.him." Oh*! the precious applicableness 
 to my present condition, which my soul perceives and 
 U 
 
122 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 warmly feels in the above written Psalm. I seem as 
 . though I dare not omit testifying of the abundant riches 
 of his mercies and of his grace, which the Lord hath 
 profusely shed upon me to the joy of mj heart, to the 
 very lighting up of my countenance. Weeping may 
 endure in the night season, but joy cometh in the morn- 
 ing, when the Sun of righteousness ariseth with heal- 
 ing in his wings, and gladdens the face of all things, 
 making the whole heritage of God shout for joy. My 
 soul did, during the several opportunities that were 
 permitted us through this Quarterly Meeting, earnestly 
 crave and wrestle for a blessing, even for the slightest 
 token of the Lord's compassionate regard ; and oh ! 
 how sweetly he has condescended to answer my petitions, 
 my cries, my longings for a little of the living bread-^— 
 that precious power and presence which is only of and 
 from him, and is in his wisdom allotted or withheld. 
 Much instruction and comfort were also verbally con- 
 veyed at this time ; and I was rejoiced to see some 
 young persons who appeared to have the cause of truth 
 and righteousness at heart, as well as their own indi- 
 vidual advancement and preservation in the straight 
 and narrow way in which they have happily set their 
 feet. Yet alas ! what a number- of this class seem to 
 be ready to leave us ! I believe, with some confidence, 
 that but few of those who do leave our religious So- 
 ciety truly thrive in a spiritual sense ; not that I con- 
 fine true religion to our own profession by any means; 
 but that I believe there is that grace and truth to be 
 met with in a diligent and patient waiting for the 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 123 
 
 teachings of the heavenly Guide which they who leave 
 us. are in a great measure unacquainted with, or do not 
 much regard or value. This I have found to be the 
 case even with some of the few who profess to leave us 
 on conscientious grounds. But if all left us only for 
 something which, after solemn inquiry, they believed 
 to be nearer the truth, how few should we have to la- 
 ment the loss of. I was very earnestly desirous fgr 
 our dear young Friends during the sitting together in 
 the Youths' Meeting, appointed at the request of Mary 
 Dudley, as well as during the first sitting for worship, 
 that they might come up, in the strength and power of 
 the living principle of grace and truth, to the help of 
 the great cause ; that they might in some measure 
 make up for the deficiency of standard bearers appa- 
 rent among our sex, even by such a steady, firm, con- 
 sistent life and conversation, — ^by such an abiding in 
 the blessed life, and power, and strength of the gospel, 
 as is now too rarely to be discovered amongst us. 
 
 Same date. — I have been fearful of leaving anything 
 on record behind me but what upon clear conviction 
 has appeared to be right ; and have often seen the ne- 
 cessity of looking as closely to what is thus committed 
 to paper as to anything that may be said or done, it 
 being my earnest desire that nothing may even in se- 
 cret be done or said but what will bear the test of being 
 brought to light. It may seem to many who have not 
 hitherto been much, if at all, brought under the redu- 
 cing and refining power of truth, that such heavy ex- 
 ercises as have been permitted to come upon me, and 
 
J 24 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 as have come upon others, are nothing but the effects 
 of a weak mind and a be-wildered imagination ; and 
 such may not enter into the understanding or feeling 
 of these trials, -which are described in such strong 
 terms. These may be yet more surprised -when they 
 read of sudden changes and revolutions as some expe- 
 rience in their religious states. Yet in the natural 
 ■world how often do we see the greatest storm preceded, 
 and at other times followed, by the smoothest, calmest 
 weather. The analogy is striking, and it may be safely 
 concluded that all these reverses are designed to pro 
 duce a beneficial effect. 
 
 17th. — About a month ago I was at a young Friend's 
 house, concerning whose zeal and sincerity in the 
 blessed cause I have not a doubt. He has appeared in 
 the ministry, I believe, acceptably to Friends in gene- 
 ral, and is a promising, growing character. In the 
 course of much intimate conversation we approached 
 the subject of prayer. Upon which he asked me whe- 
 ther I did not think that the end which Friends had in 
 view, by the practice of private retirement, was vocal 
 prayer — that is, the outward act and attitude of kneel- 
 ing down and using words. I felt very much at this 
 question, and an awfulness came over me, and exer- 
 cise, lest either this person or myself should be adven- 
 turing, without taking off our shoes, upon holy ground. 
 In replying to him I could scarcely refrain from using 
 the language of William Penn, " Words are for others, 
 not for ourselves, nor for God, who hears not as bodies 
 do but as spirits should." It is the heart or soul that 
 
OP JOHN BARCLAY. 125 
 
 can alone cry acceptably through the drawings of that 
 spirit which inclines to good and the Source of all 
 good. The mouth may speak out of the very abun- 
 dance of the heart. There is nothing, however, in 
 words as such, nor in outward silence as such. So that 
 our prayers are none the better for being clothed in 
 words, nor the less likely to be accepted when not 
 clothed in words. There may be words when none 
 should be used, and there may be a silence when words 
 are called for ; and herein stands the snare which should 
 be carefully guarded against. 
 
 Eleventh month, 10th. — I think I have seen the dan- 
 ger of young men or women dwelling anywhere else 
 than in the valley of humility. Human- learning, hu- 
 man attainments and excellencies, — I mean all those 
 things that are obtained by the memory, judgment, 
 reasoning powers, and mental abilities, separate from 
 any immediate influence and assistance derived from 
 the source of all true wisdom, — these natural acquisi- 
 tions and talents are well in their places and servicea- 
 ble to us, when kept in subjection to the pure teachings 
 of Him "who teaches" by his Spirit "as never man 
 taught." But when any natural faculty or talent of 
 the mind, or acquisition by virtue of that talent or 
 faculty, usurps and domineers over the little seed of 
 the (kingdom sown in the heart, it had been better that 
 such an enemy were cast as it were into the sea, than 
 that such mischief should be done. I have been in 
 company with some young persons of our Society who 
 have been not a little injured by giving way to pride 
 11* 
 
126 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 and foolish talkativeness, in respect to many matters 
 in which, though they seem well informed, yet not 
 keeping in the littleness and lowliness, they have ac- 
 quitted themselves but ill, through letting in a forward, 
 prating spirit. Now, the best light in which we can 
 view true talents and virtues, and in which they are 
 set off to the best advantage, is the sombre shade of 
 humility. For the more the frame-work is colored, or 
 gilt, or carved, or ornamented, the more there is to 
 take off the attention of the eye from the picture itself. 
 So that it seems to me best for each of us to dwell in 
 the littleness, in the lowliness ; always bearing in mind 
 whence we are, even from the dust, and whither we 
 shall return, even to the dust ; and that we should not 
 forget from whence all that is good, either immediately 
 or mediately, comes, even from the source of all good. 
 This would make us backward and timid at giving our 
 judgment ; it would render us ready and willing to 
 esteem others better than ourselves; quick to hear, 
 slow to speak, slow to wrath ; because we should be 
 patient, humble, forgiving one another, loving one an- 
 other, pitying one another ; for wo should then know 
 how frail man is. 
 
 TO A FRIEND. 
 
 London, Tenth month, lOth, 1817. 
 
 This morning upon calling at J. S's, I found Samuel 
 
 Alexander wittiin and alone, and spent about twenty 
 
 minutes pleasantly with him : upon inquiring after the 
 
 American Friends, S. A. said, they were both there. 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAT. 127 
 
 and that Hannah Field was unwell ; but that I should 
 see Elizabeth Barker. Upon this he left the room, 
 and soon returned, introducing E. B., whom I had felt 
 dear to me, indeed before I saw her : — she took my 
 hand with the affection of a near relative, and addressed 
 me in as moving and affecting a manner as I remember 
 ever witnessing. She seemed to be speaking to one 
 whom she believed to be under the powerful, refining, 
 and preparing hand of the Lord, and with whom she 
 tenderly entered into sympathy, under His necessary 
 provings and purgings ; using several times the words 
 " dear exercised child," and speaking especially of the 
 overruling power that is to be regarded and trusted to 
 in all our affairs, both temporal and spiritual : and 
 these words, (as it were,) still ring in my ears, — " He 
 can bless a little, and he can blast a great deal." Oh ! 
 that we may all keep in the littleness, in the lowliness ; 
 remembering what we are in the absence of our Be- 
 loved ; how poor, how mean, how unable to preserve 
 ourselves from falling, or to keep our souls alive to 
 what is good ; that so we may truly know wherein our 
 strength lies, whence our qualifications come, how we 
 may be, what we ought to be, and how become instru- 
 mental to good in any way. 
 
 Thou knowest that I have wished, in regard to my 
 settlement in the world, far more earnestly to obtain 
 the blessing which maketh truly rich, than any other 
 acquisition ; thou art also fully aware, that, as this 
 blessing is annexed to obedience, so' the nearest way to 
 partake of it in our outward affairs, is to submit to that 
 
128 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 which may be required of us. I am ready to think if 
 there he anything for me to do in the line of business, 
 it will be in a very humiliating way : that I must, whe- 
 ther in business or not, descend into a rank far below 
 the wishes of my dear relatives and friends, and be 
 subject to the wants of those poorer brethren and 
 sisters, who are often meanly esteemed and little re- 
 garded : — that I must thus enter into their sufferings 
 and taste of their cup of bitters ; and thus also loudly 
 testify against the prevailing prejudices, pride, and 
 luxury of this age, but more especially against many 
 notions and opinions that are creeping in amongst us 
 as a people. Oh ! how is the prosperity of the precious 
 cause of Truth obstructed and impeded ; — how griev- 
 ously is it suffering under some who call themselves its 
 friends: — "ye are my friends," saith our Lord, "if 
 ye do that which I command you;" ye are the friends 
 of Truth, who obey the dictates of Truth : — But those 
 would rob her of her simplicity, and have her disguise 
 the distinguishing features of her countenance, and 
 cover her with their own deceitful embellishments, their 
 own vain inventions. But I cannot express to thee the 
 warmth of feeling that prevails with me, when I look 
 around and consider the situation of that numerous 
 class, the full, the rich, and the gay ; nor can I convey 
 to thee the pity that I have in my heart for them : how 
 are they encompassed about by their own selfish, earthly 
 satisfactions and comforts, — how are they snugly nest- 
 ling themselves, in that whicji is likely in the end to 
 prove to them a bed of briers ! May we be favored to 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 129- 
 
 Bubject our own fallible faculties and powers, our own 
 reason and natural understanding, which are ever apt 
 to busy themselves in things that cannot rightly be 
 brought under their decision ; that we may each (I re- 
 peat it) endeavor to sink down low and dwell low in 
 that, which showeth indubitably the good from the evil 
 in all our undertakings and designs. Oh ! this is an 
 attainment that comes only by a diligent attention to 
 the voice of the true Shepherd. Thy very affectionate 
 friend, J. B. 
 
 Tenth month, Slst, 1817. 
 My dear L. A. B., 
 
 Thou art very near to me in the best sense ; how 
 precious to feel one another to be under the continual 
 observation of One, who cares for us and watches over 
 us for good. Though I have passed over some wild 
 heaths and dry deserts since I last saw thy face, and 
 have been, as it were, parched with thirst and panting 
 for the water-brook, longing also for the shadow of the 
 great Rock in this weary land, yet there has met me 
 the good Samaritan, whilst I lay by the road-side, 
 bruised and buffeted by him who waylaid me. What 
 shall I say of all that has been done for me, by Him 
 who had compassion on me ; how precisely can I point 
 thee out the spot where he saw me as I lay : it was 
 even at that spot where every human help forsook me, 
 and every hope seemed to be taken away ; — the priest 
 and the Levite had passed by ! I have, I think, seen 
 by experience, somewhat of the narrowness of the right 
 
130 LETTERS AND MEMORANDTJMS 
 
 path ; and in prospect, (as regards myself,) I see it 
 more and more narrow; still have I day by day the 
 portion of encouragement that is best for me, the good 
 that is convenient, and such timely support as enables 
 me still to struggle forward, still to journey on. May 
 ■we be both aided to look over and beyond our trials, 
 to the inheritance laid up for those who persevere in 
 faith and patience to the end. Let not thy feet slip 
 insensibly from off the sure foundation, the Eternal 
 Rock, the unchangeable Truth ; but often be concerned 
 to survey thy building, and upon what it stands ; to 
 examine whether it be firmly fixed upon that which is 
 immovable, or whether jt be in any degree propped 
 up by inferior dependence : also, inquire whether, if 
 outward means, aids and instruments were removed, 
 thy building would still withstand the inclemencies of 
 the varied seasons. For when the fioods of affliction 
 outwardly or inwardly arise, when the winds of oppo- 
 sition or of persecution assail, and when the rains de- 
 scend, — it may be too late for any to lay to heart these 
 things ; for their ruin may be at the door. The ap- 
 probation, the regard, the sympathy of such as love 
 what is good, have required from me all the watchful- 
 ness, all the earnest desires for preservation that I 
 have been blessed with. How needful then is it that 
 our foundation be on that, in which there is no varia- 
 bleness, neither shadow of turning. Thus we may 
 come to know in whom we have believed, and to see 
 who is our Teacher, and to feel Him a present help in 
 the time of need, — a shield, a tower, a rock, a refuge, 
 
OF JOHN BAKCtAY. 131 
 
 our joy and crown of glory. I have longed that, 
 amongst the many deceits of the enemy, thou mayst 
 not be taken by a very subtle one — discouragement. 
 Oh ! how many have set out well, have made some 
 straight steps with firm foot and steady eye, have be- 
 gun to show forth by some sweet fruits, the great and 
 marvellous power which has visited them ; yet through 
 giving way to the wiles of the enemy, they have let in 
 discouragements like a flood, which have borne down 
 everything before them. All unprofitable discourage- 
 ment, all undue lamentation on account of frailty, 
 folly or disobedience, may be considered to be the work 
 of him, who was a liar from the beginning. We read 
 that " godly sorrow worketh repentance ;" and it is in- 
 deed nothing short of an ungodly sorrow that induces 
 despair. Oh ! that we may be content at such times 
 of discouragement to sink down with that which sufiiers 
 within us ; that we may there wait in patience, in 
 humility, in true prostration and silence of all flesh, 
 being determined to hope against hope, being resigned 
 to acquiesce in whatever may be called for. 
 
 We profess to believe, that that which is to be known 
 of God, is manifested within ; and that there is revealed 
 or manifested what the Lord requireth at our hands. 
 I believe that we have need to exercise a daily and 
 hourly watching and waiting in the light, in order to 
 be favored clearly to discover those things that belong 
 to our peace. 
 
 Eleventh or Twelfth month. -^ The Lord ever hears 
 
132 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDUMS 
 
 and answers the prayers which he hath put into the 
 hearts of those that desire to fear him. As far as I 
 can recollect, those daily formal repetitions of words, 
 in the practice of which I was brought up, were but 
 seldom accompanied with that which is the essence of 
 true prayer, viz., a reverential breathing unto the Lord, 
 and a longing of the soul after those things that we 
 need. There were times too, in which my soul did ar- 
 dently crave the attainment of best things ; but then 
 my prayers being confined to certain times and- certain 
 words, and I being taught this restricted notion of the 
 act, it did not allow of the springing forth of those se- 
 cret desires, which the Lord raised in my heart ; so 
 that these seasons wherein true prayer was begotten 
 by Him, who teaches when and how to pray, were not 
 rightly availed of or profited by. 
 
 I remember that after I refrained from repeating 
 those forms of prayer, which were taught me in my 
 childhood, I was much in the habit of kneeling down 
 and repeating extempore prayers by dint of my natural 
 abilities : this I did for some little time with great fer- 
 vor of youth and eloquence, even sometimes aloud, 
 both morning and evening ; until the Lord opened my 
 eyes in this respect, and gave me clearly to see, that 
 these attempts in my own will, way, and time, were but 
 sparks kindled about me, and which availed nothing 
 with Him, whose own sacrifices (of liis own preparing 
 and kindling) were alone acceptable. Thus in obe- 
 dience, I was made willing to be silent and seek the 
 Lord, who is nigh at hand, and dwells in the hearts of 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAT. 133 
 
 his people, and is not far from any one of us, if we 
 look for and unto Him. This silence of all the crea- 
 turely reasoning powers was yery hard to something in 
 me, which would be judging and questioning ; very 
 unmeaning did it appear ; yet durst I not forbear t6 
 meet with my Lord and Master, or to strive to meet 
 with him, day by day, and oftener than the day ; and 
 frequently crying in the depth and sincerity ef my 
 heart unto Him, that he would be pleased to show me 
 the way to call upon him aright, and what to pray for. 
 I was often in tears, and lay down my head in grief 
 upon my pillow, fearing I should never be made sensi- 
 ble of true prayer, and partake of the privilege of 
 "praying always." The Lord did not long leave me 
 without his blessing, his blessed countenance and pre- 
 sence and comfort ; no, — he showered at times of his 
 merciful goodness into my poor heart, and kindled such 
 love towards Himself, such earnest breathings after 
 the further arising, the glorious spreading and increas- 
 ing exaltation of His name, and power, and truth, as 
 enabled me truly to praise and bless His holy name ; 
 engaged me still more to cleave unto, obey, and follow 
 Him in whatsoever he might require. My soul was 
 also filled with living warmth of love and charity to- 
 wards his creature man, whom he created in his image ; 
 with great pity also towards such as had deviated from 
 the path in which He would have had them to go, and 
 who had thus turned away from the Lord their leader : 
 an unspeakably sweet feeling of fellowship and sympa- 
 thy arose in me, towards, those in whom the Lord had 
 12 
 
134 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 excited a love or desire of Himself. Thus was true 
 prayer in and by the true Spirit, in measure raised in 
 my heart, not according to the way or time which man's 
 wii^dom or inclination would lead and teach, but the 
 very contrary ; for even to this time, 1 am often so 
 situated, as not to have any words for long seasons to- 
 gether to utter, either audibly or in my heart ; and still 
 more often am in dryness, distress, and apparent deso- 
 lation : yet through all I can praise the Lord. ■ 
 
 Eleventh month, 27th* — I question whether they who 
 go empty away from our religious meetings, or from 
 those gatherings of two or three in the name of the 
 Lord Jesus, where He himself is in the midst, ready 
 to heal each one of his diseases and infirmities ; — I 
 question much whether such as go home none the bet- 
 ter for meeting with those thus gathered together, are 
 not " rich," — are not full, — are not satisfied, confident, 
 " settled on the lees," sluggish and sleeping in security. 
 We may remember, there is a woe against "those that 
 are at ease in. Zion." It is also worthy of remark, 
 that all those that came to Jesus, when personally on 
 earth, to be cured of their maladies, were in a very 
 opposite state to that of those of whom I have spoken 
 above ; these were destitute, afflicted, forsaken, de- 
 spised ; and what is still more, they were sensible of 
 their lamentable situation, their helplessness and dis- 
 tress ; and they knew or believed who it was that had 
 power to stem the current of their troubles, the tide 
 of their calamities. " Speak the word only," said one, 
 "and my servant shall be healed." " Believe ye that 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 135 
 
 I am able to do tliis?" said Jesus to two, who answer- 
 ed, "Yen, Lord." '-Lord I believe," said another, 
 '■ help thou mine unbelief." So that the blessing which 
 maketh truly rich, shall assuredly and inevitably come 
 down in abundance upon those, who with a humble 
 and a contrite heart, wait upon the Lord, and are ex- 
 ercised and engaged in truth and earnestness to seek 
 Him. What a rich reward of peace at times flows into 
 the hearts of these true disciples, these poor publicans, 
 these buffeted, bruised, broken-hearted little ones ; 
 whose help is placed, and hope fixed upon Him that is 
 mighty, the giver of glory and grace, and of every 
 good thing ; but whose hands are ready to hang down, 
 their knees to smite one against the other, and their 
 hearts to fail, because they find not Him whom their 
 soul loveth, and feel not his aid "who is' able to save 
 unto the uttermost." These are the poor of the ever- 
 lasting kingdom, and are richer than the richest in out- 
 ward mammon, or even than the richest in good works, 
 (though these also will not be wanting herein,) because 
 they are the "rich in faith," whom God hath chosen 
 as heirs of the kingdom, which he hath prepared for 
 them that love him." 
 
 Twelfth month, 10th. — I can look back upon many 
 a favored season, many an availing prayer, — sometimes 
 a single sigh after what was good, — sometimes the men- 
 tal eye turned inward during a few spare minutes of 
 intermission or leisure from the hurry of business, 
 when in my father's banking-house ; sometimes as I 
 went and returned to and from town, but especially 
 
136 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMB 
 
 before dinner. At that particular time, I was in the 
 regular habit of secluding myself for a short season in 
 private, and either devoting that opportunity to read- 
 ing the Scriptures, or more commonly to silently seek- 
 ing the Lord, and waiting upon him for support, 
 strength, sustenance, and whatever he saw needful for 
 me. After this period, the efficacy of the same spirit 
 of dependence and reliance, which the Lord had be- 
 gotten and kept alive in me, was striking ; and it has 
 been memorable to me since, when I was engaged in 
 the business of an attorney's office, and lived at lodg- 
 ings: there the same power, as I was concerned to 
 keep close to it, preserved me through all the difficulties 
 and trials that were strewed in my path. What sweet 
 First-days have I spent at a disagreeable dull lodging ; 
 what meetings have I had, what sweet meetings in the 
 middle of the week, when I gave up everything that 
 stood in the way, and thus procured liberty to attend 
 them. What sighs, what cries unto the Lord in secret 
 corners, when a few minutes could be spared in the 
 midst of the bustle of worldly engagements : — when 
 walking through the noisy crowded streets, what songs 
 unto the Lord God of all tender mercies, who over- 
 shadowed me ; — and when occasionally an afternoon 
 was allowed me, wherein to be absent from business, 
 what sweet contemplative walks in the meadows and 
 country, a few miles out of town ! But how shall I 
 Etop, cr where shall I end, in speaking of the merciful 
 compassion of Him, who regards the prayer of the 
 humble, under many circumstances which I have not 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 137 
 
 mentioned. How has the Lord ever had his eye npon 
 and over me, to turn all to good, as long as I have re- 
 garded, trusted in and resigned myself unto, his pre- 
 serving power ; when I have been enabled to say, " I 
 am thine, do with me what thou wilt." So that surely 
 we may never doubt but that " whosoever calls upon 
 the name of the Lord shall be saved." 
 
 17th. — In the midst of much drought and distress 
 and apparent desertion which have encompassed me 
 for a long season, I cannot forget the grievous sufiFer- 
 ings which the greater part of my fellow-creatures are 
 daily undergoing. How my heart has been this even- 
 ing affected with the sight of a heap of human crea- 
 tures, nestling together under the shelter of a wall, 
 striving to cover each other's half bare limbs from the 
 piercing cold. Ah ! ye rich, ye gay, ye proud, ye pro- 
 fessors of good words and good works, the charity of 
 this starving family will sooner be accepted of their 
 Maker than yours ; for ye of your abundanqe have 
 cast the paltry pittance, whilst they have in their 
 wretchedness sheltered each other from the piercing 
 cold, and wept over each other's woe. Surely, surely, 
 (I have been ready to exclaim in my heart at this, and 
 at other times,) the Lord Almighty will arise for the 
 cry of the poor and the sighing of the needy ; — surely, 
 he will take vengeance upon such as spend their lives 
 in fulness of bread and abundance of idleness, — upon 
 such as abuse his gifts, and forget his creatures, and 
 shut up their bowels of compassion against their own 
 flesh and do not remember the many good things 
 
 12* 
 
138 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 which the Lord has showered upon them. Oh ! how 
 heavily hath my soul been burdened, because of such 
 who live in pleasure, in luxury, and extravagance ; and 
 how deeply have I felt for the poor and needy. 
 
 Date uncertain, perhaps Twelfth month, 1817. — It 
 seems as if, after such exercise and trouble as can 
 scarcely be expressed to another, I had now at length 
 a glimpse of light thrown on the path before me, 
 tljrough the free extension of abundant mercy. Yet 
 what a spark, what a faint flash, what a slender beam ! 
 When I consider how easy it is to mistake the true 
 shinings of the heavenly star, to listen to the whisper- 
 ings of the deceitful one, and to take them for the 
 manifestations and leadings of the best Counsellor, the 
 infallible Guide ; — my spirit is engaged in earnest de- 
 sire that I may be preserved on every hand and pro- 
 tected from the evil. How strongly does the instance 
 of faithful Abraham come to my mind, whilst writing 
 these lines ; and firmly am I encouraged to beliere, 
 that He, of whom it is said, " faithful is He that hath 
 called you, who also will do it," even the Father of 
 faithful Abraham, whose tender mercies are over all 
 his works, and who remains even now the same unfail- 
 ing source of help and strength that ever he was, — 
 will be near to the very least of his contrite little ones; 
 even those that are bowed down and bruised and bufr 
 feted. He knows indeed who these are, though no one 
 else may cast an eye upon them, esteem or regard 
 them. He knows their sufferings, their sighs, their 
 tears ; and oh ! what a sweet savor, what an acceptable 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 139 
 
 incense, arises from the hearts of these, even though 
 no knee be bent or mouth be opened. Surely under 
 the shadow of His wings, under the blessing of the 
 strength of His extended arm, shall these go forth 
 through this vast howling wilderness ; the floods and 
 rivers shall be divided and dried up before them, and 
 the parched desert shall become a fruitful field. 
 
 Date unknown. — We are placed here on earth only 
 for a season : like travellers at an inn, we are permit- 
 ted to take shelter for a night in this frail habitation : 
 — it is a strange place, and has but temporary and 
 middling accommodations ; and all the comfort it 
 affords is far inferior to the abundance which we have 
 to expect will be d^alt to us in our Father's mansion, 
 our heavenly home. None of those numerous objects 
 which we see around, rightly belong to us ; they are 
 not our property, strictly speaking, but are lent to us 
 for the supply of our necessities, for our comfort, for 
 the right enjoyment of them. I have often wished that 
 this view of life might occasionally occupy our minds. 
 Let us consider what would be some of the conse- 
 quences of taking such a view of life as I have ven- 
 tured to point out. Let us see what ought properly to 
 follow, from the establishment of such a principle as 
 this, that the earth we inhabit is not our rest, that we 
 are but pilgrims and wanderers upon the face of it, 
 that none of those things which our senses can per- 
 ceive are our own ; but that we are only for a time 
 permitted the use of them : how could we, with this 
 principle in sight, abuse those innumerable blessings 
 
140 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 •which the great Giver of every good and perfect gift 
 has been pleased to bestow ; — how could we do other- 
 wise than apply all those natural things, which are in 
 mercy provided for us, to the purposes for which they 
 were intended. Then among many other good effects 
 there would be no servile and degrading obedience to 
 custom and fashion ; but such simplicity in our way of 
 living, such denial of' whatever is superfluous, expen- 
 sive,, useless, or productive of injury to the mind, as is 
 now scarcely thought of or understood. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 141 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 First month, 12th, 1818.— The struggle which I 
 have been enabled to sustain against a flood of afflic- 
 tion and deep exercise, still goes on, through unuttera- 
 ble mercy and condescension ; but it is daily with me 
 a question how each succeeding day's conflict will ter- 
 minate. It seems sometimes as if there was no other 
 language in my heart but — " If it be possible, forsake 
 me not, ! thou Most High !" again, when a little re- 
 lieved, something seems to arise like this — " Save me 
 from myself, leave me not to myself; spare not, neither 
 pity, but utterly destroy all that in me, which is not 
 of and from thee." What to-morrow's light may bring 
 forth, what it may find me, or in what condition, I 
 know not ; but this do I desire to know and to be as- 
 sured of, — that the Lord is, and that he is good, and 
 to feel bis goodness overcoming and taking the place 
 of the evil, both in me and in all the world. Oh ! that 
 I might be delivered from all looking out for release 
 from this chastening and purifying dispensation, which 
 has been in an increasing measure allotted me ever 
 since I was made willing more fully to follow the Lord 
 in the way of bis requirings. Oh ! that I might be 
 preserved from all desire to take myself under my own 
 care or to walk in the way which my own will approves : 
 
142 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 and as to outward matters, that I miglit be made more 
 and more entirely disposed to acquiesce in whatever is 
 manifested unto me to be the will of the Lord concern- 
 ing me. The highest good that I or any can attain to 
 in this life, seems to me at this time to consist and cen- 
 tre in the ability to say and feel always — " Thy will, 
 and not mine be done, Lord." 
 
 20th. — How much dross, how much evil is there still 
 lurking within me? how many and how deceitful are 
 the modes by which the enemy contrives to keep up his 
 kingdom, his seat in my soul ? when shall I, through 
 Him that fights for me, utterly expel, subdue and tread 
 under foot, this unwearied enemy? The Lord, my 
 strength, give me patience ; that I may quietly confide 
 in Him yet more and more ; and suffer all the exercises, 
 chastenings, withdrawings, judgments and afflictions, 
 which he is pleased in mercy and love to bring upon 
 me; for I think I see plainly that his scourge and se- 
 verity is not dealt out to his tender, babe-like nature, 
 but to that nature which is not of Him, but of the 
 wicked one, — even that selfish, unfeeling, Egyptian 
 spirit, which is to be destroyed. How much of this do 
 I feel continually within me, lurking in secret, under 
 cover of many plausible pretences — eating out any ap- 
 pearance of good with which the Lord is pleased to 
 favor me ; appropriating to self any good action, mo- 
 tive or thought; endeavoring, when it cannot hinder 
 the entrance of good, to make me proud of it, and so 
 convert it into evil. Thus the best friends, the best 
 books, the best feelings, the best intentions with which 
 
OP JOHN BARCLAY. 143 
 
 I am at any time privileged, these the wicked one en- 
 deavors so to pervert as to render them a snare to me. 
 He cares not . how busy I am in reading good books, 
 how fond I am of waiting on the Lord, how great a 
 lover I am of the Lord's people and the Lord's cause,— 
 if I will but fall down and worship him, all shall be 
 mine : all the honor and praise of being a great and 
 good character, a saint, shall be mine, if I will but let 
 him have a little share, a little corner, in my heart. 
 " Lord ! disappoint him, cast him down ; deliver my 
 soul. Let not thy hand spare, neither let thine eye 
 pity, till all be utterly purged away which defiles and 
 is unseemly in thy sight." When mine eye is opened 
 rightly to see these things, my heart craves that I may 
 abide in patience, under the operation of proving and 
 refinement, however severe it may seem, to wean me 
 from this world and the wickedness thereof; not only 
 from gross sins, but also from hidden and secret faults, and, 
 from the deepest insinuations of the enemy in my heart 
 in the semblance of an angel of light. I have had of 
 late such a time of this discipline, as had never before 
 befallen me in my life: such apparent desertion of 
 -everything like good, such distress in consequence of 
 outward circumstances of various kinds, that at many 
 intervals a deep conviction of the certainty of a fu- 
 ture judgment, seemed to prevent my choosing death 
 rather than life. Yet, through inexpressibly tender 
 mercy, I have been preserved to this day in earnest 
 seeking after the Lord, and with great desires after 
 submission to his will, cost what it may. And even in 
 
144 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 the hour of desolation and darkness, I have often ex- 
 perienced such a sweet cessation from suffering, and 
 such an influx of love from the inexhaustible fountain, 
 as has enabled me still to struggle and hold on my way, 
 in^a degree of hope, almost imperceptibly small, that 
 all would be well in the end, if I was concerned to look 
 unto Him, who is the author and also the finisher of 
 our faith. 
 
 ToS. A. 
 
 Second month, 1st. — I have been apprehensive that 
 our views of these doctrines (of Immediate Revelatior , 
 and the True and Saving Knowledge of God and of his 
 Truth) which are closely accordant with those of the 
 holy penmen of Scripture, are but little known among 
 the many religious denominations. I have believed, 
 both as to those within and without the pale of our own 
 Society, that there is in this day, (as there ever has 
 been,) more need of leading people, in the first place, 
 to the Fountain of truth, the foundation-stone, than to 
 the beautiful, harmonious superstructure of doctrines 
 which arises from that base, and can stand only upon 
 it. This corner-stone we well know is Christ, not merely 
 testified of without us, but also manifested within ; and 
 as we closely attend to and obey the manifestations of 
 his Spirit and power in our hearts, we come truly and 
 savingly to know something of Him and his holy re- 
 ligion, according to our present ability and growth; 
 and in following him in his leadings, we are best able t^ 
 receive those true testimonies of him recorded in Scrip- 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 145 
 
 ture, and liyingly to understand, as well as availingly 
 to believe, what is there said of his appearance in the 
 flesh, with all that he said, did, and suffered. There 
 has been, and still continues to be, a great deal said 
 and written respecting correct and scriptural views of 
 the doctrines and duties of Christianity ; but I believe 
 until men come to that, which can alone give the true 
 discernment of these spiritual things, they will, they 
 must continue to grope as in the dark, not knowing the 
 Scriptures, neither the power of God • and, it is feared, 
 resist Him who the apostle said, " hath shined in our 
 hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory 
 of God in the face of Jesus Christ." It seems to me, 
 that under the constraining influence of the love of 
 Christ, we should earnestly recommend people to be- 
 lieve in and obey his light in their hearts, — that by 
 following him in this manifestation, they may have the 
 light of life, as he himself has graciously promised. 
 No pointing to the written testimonies borne to the ex- 
 istence of this light within, will avail ; but as the mind 
 is gathered in some measure, however small, to that 
 which witnesses those testimonies to be true, «.nd alone 
 enables to receive them. I cannot think that that 
 scripture, "the letter killeth," if rightly made use of, 
 could hurt any but those who walk not closely in ac- 
 cordance with that Spirit which gave it forth, and 
 which is able to give a true understanding thereof. 
 No man can availingly know or follow the directions 
 laid down in Scripture, but as he bows to the appear- 
 ance and openings of that Light which enlighteneth 
 13 
 
146 LETTEKS AND MEMOKANDTJMS 
 
 every man more or less in the day of his visitation. It 
 seems to my view, that the greatest thing which we all 
 have to guard against is the leaving our heavenly guide > 
 and this may easily be done, both in reading Scripture 
 and in every other religious engagement ; if this be the 
 case with us, we cannot but wrest them, some way or 
 other, to our own condemnation or even destruction, 
 whatever we may think or imagine ; it may be by 
 thinking to have life in them, as the Jews did whom 
 Jesus reproved^ It was ijot that the Jews did wrong 
 in diligently searching those writings, or that there 
 was any harm or noxious influence in Scripture, — it 
 was not in that sense that the letter killed, or doth kill ; 
 though, on the other hand, we know that they cannot 
 give faith, and that all their authority and excellence 
 and efficacy in the work of salvation, are only from 
 that power and life whence they came. But it was by 
 reading in the light of their own reason, which is in- 
 deed darkness ; heaping up a dead set of doctrines, in 
 their own wisdom, which is foolishness ; presuming to 
 pry into things too high for them, things into which 
 the Spirit of Truth led them not, but their own specu- 
 lations and imaginations ; thus they made the command- 
 ments of God of none efiect, as many now do, by their 
 own traditions, and expositions, and interpretations, 
 adding to and diminishing from the true meaning of the 
 Scriptures. Being unstable and very unlearned in 
 the Word which spake forth the Scripture, though 
 learned ever so much in the words, they cannot reach 
 the essence, but must stumble, as Nicodemus and other 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 147 
 
 learned Jews did, who knew nothing of the new birth ; 
 though they could easily tell, by the letter of the book, 
 where Christ was to be born. It is such, in this day> 
 who are crucifying unto themselves the Son of God 
 afresh, notwithstanding all their high professions about 
 the atonement, &c., which- they have very clearly in 
 the notion and dead apprehension, but out of the life 
 of these things: the evil spirits could testify of Christ, 
 and say, " I know thee who thou art, the holy one of 
 God ;" and " these are the servants of the Most High 
 God, which show unto us the way of salvation;" — for 
 even these had a knowledge of God and belief in him, 
 a knowledge of Christ and confession of him, a know- 
 ledge also of Scripture. The enemy also himself was 
 ready at quoting Scripture; witness the temptation of 
 our Lord; and he can put men upon studying the 
 Scriptures, so long as through the carnal mind he may 
 but interpret and apply them to their states ; for by 
 all this he has the poor soul the safer in his net. He 
 is not deterred from prosecuting his evil designs by our 
 holding the Scriptures in ever so high estimation ; if, 
 in studying them, we lean on our own understanding, 
 although with great and apparently laudable zeal ; 
 though we apply one part to confirm another, — though 
 we get them by heart, — though we extract all the doc- 
 trines and duties that are testified of therein, — though 
 we are able by this skill to give an expert answer to 
 such as may inquire a reason of the hope that we have 
 adopted, and the faith which we have formed out of 
 the letter of the book, — though we even set ourselves 
 
148 LETTERS AND MBMOEANDUMS 
 
 to do all that is commanded,— yet all these mllings, 
 
 and runnings, and strivings, do not overthrow his 
 
 government in the heart ; nay, his snare is not broken, 
 
 hut made more subtile and intricate. It is the simple, 
 
 and those that abide in the simplicity of the Truth, that 
 
 are kept by the Truth out of his beguiling snares ; the 
 
 Spirit of Truth is their shield and sure defence on the 
 
 right hand as on the left ; and they lean not unto their 
 
 own understandings ; so that the Scriptures and every 
 
 other outward means are blessed to them, as they keep 
 
 to the anointing which they have of Him, by which, 
 
 whether with or without instrumental aid, they know 
 
 all things requisite for their present need, " having an 
 
 understanding given them to know him that is true." 
 
 Third month, 3d. — ^I believe that if young persons 
 were more fully open and implicitly given up to acts of 
 dedication apparently small, and were willing to go, to 
 stay, to do, or to forbear in minor matters as seemed 
 best, that they would thrive more vigorously in religious 
 stature and strength. One thing after another came 
 gradually before the view of my mind ; all that I had 
 to do, or believed was required at my hands, came not 
 upon me at once ; for there was no hard task-master 
 to obey, but one who knew my weakness and my ina- 
 bility to give up, even to the least matter of duty, with- 
 out His special aid. As I was concerned to keep my 
 eye open to see whatever He might show me was to 
 be given up to ; and as my desire was from day to day 
 unto Him, and the accomplishment of His will respect- 
 ing me ; first one thing, then another, at seasons opened 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 149 
 
 before me with sufficient clearness : sometimts these 
 apprehended duties were very little matters, at other 
 times they were of fearfully great importance ; and 
 often were they of a nature and complexion which the 
 worldly-wise part in myself and in others, could not 
 bear or understand. Yet, after having gone through 
 and been favored to stand faithful in the performance 
 of these things, I have often seen the propriety of them ; 
 and I have felt it a precious thing to be " led about 
 and instructed" so suitably, so seasonably, so safely. 
 
 To E. H. 
 
 16th of Fourth month, 1818. 
 
 Dear E. : 
 
 It is my belief that, according to thy own expres- 
 sions, "the Master is come," and coming, (what if I 
 say,) to plead, as in old time, with the modern money- 
 changers in the temple, who turn the holy house of 
 Him that is most holy into " a den of thieves " — to up- 
 set their tables and to scatter their silver and their 
 gold, the " love " of which is said to be the " root of all 
 evil." His scourge is, as it were, in his hand; and 
 the buyers and sellers being cast out, the blind and 
 the lame shall yet come to him in the temple, the house 
 of prayer for all nations, and he will heal them. The 
 little children shall yet cry in this temple, saying, — 
 " Hosanna to the Son of David;" and out of the 
 mouths of the very "babes and sucklings," whose 
 hearts he hath fed with "the milk of his Word," 
 praises shall yet come forth unto Himself. 
 13* 
 
150 ■ LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 It is my belief, and I feel freedom to mention it to 
 thee, that there are or will arise those who ■will, in some 
 sense, "btiild the old waste places." I live in the faith 
 that the Truth shall spread ; and the number of those 
 that are guide* and governed by the teachings of that 
 Spirit which leadeth into all truth, will be greatly mul- 
 tiplied. Surely there are even now those that " are 
 left of the captivity," who " are in great alHiction and 
 reproach ;" we may also say that, in some acceptation 
 of the passage, " the wall of Jerusalem is broken down, 
 and the gates thereof are burned with fire." May I 
 not also add, that there are, even in this day, those 
 who can in measure adopt a similar language with that 
 of' Nehemiah, — " When I heard these things, I sat 
 down and wept, and mourned certain days, and fasted 
 and prayed before the God of heaven." Surely there 
 are those that can say, " I arose in the night, neither 
 told I any man what my God had put in my heart to 
 do Ht Jerusalem : — then went I up in the night by the 
 brook, and viewed the wall and turned back ; and the 
 rulers knew not whither I went, or what I did : neither 
 had I as yet told it to the Jews, nor to the priests, nor 
 to the nobles, nor to the rulers, nor to the rest that 
 did the work." There are doubtless some who are 
 ready to laugh these to scorn and to despise them, and 
 to say, " What is this thing that ye do ?" and I judge 
 there are those that can reply, " The God of heaven, 
 he will prosper us ; therefore we his servants will arise 
 and build." To such as endeavor to entice the sincere- 
 hearted and to take them off, by whatever specious 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 151 
 
 pretence, from their watch and work, their unceasing 
 concern and travail for the prosperity of the great 
 cause, — I am clearly of the mind that the reply should 
 be, " I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come 
 down ; why should the work cease whilst I leave it and 
 come down to you ?" Now the work that is wanted, 
 as far as I have in this and some other favored sea- 
 sons had capacity to see, is a sinking down and bow- 
 ing down yet lower and deeper than many of us have 
 hitherto humbled ourselves, — even under the govern- 
 ment and dominion of the holy seed, Christ Jesus, that 
 so we may, through subjection to - Him, be led to 
 "cease from our own works," and to let Him do and 
 work all things in us according to his own divine will. 
 Wherever this blessed work hath gone forward with 
 strength and beauty, ^erever this constraining power 
 has been fully and faithfully given up to, I believe a 
 a necessity has been sooner or later felt to make a full 
 surrender and sacrifice of everything which the law 
 written in the heart may call for. 
 
 From one who is much more often than otherwise 
 plunged into the depths, and who finds himself yet 
 weaker ^nd weaker in himself to will or to do anything 
 as of himself, but is at times favored to see still greater 
 necessity for a daily waiting upon the Lord, that so 
 his will may be daily known and done through his 
 Spirit, which brings unto and preserves in a watchful, 
 weighty frame of mind at all times, and who is, with 
 feelings of affectionate regard, thy friend, J. B. 
 
152 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 To E. S. 
 Eussel Square, 17th of Fourth month, 1818. 
 Dear E. : 
 
 The true authority as well as beauty of our religious 
 meetings, in which I cannot exclude those for the right 
 ordering of the affairs of truth, stands upon and con- 
 sists in that without which the [observance of the] form 
 is a mockery, though [it be] the best of forms. It is 
 not age, it is not any station in the church, it is not 
 an outward knowledge or experience in the letter of 
 those laws which the Spirit of Truth has led our fore- 
 fathers to adopt, — much less is it any repute among 
 men, grounded upon outward possessions, which will 
 make one living stone for the Master's use in thebuild- 
 ing up of his beautiful city, the new Jerusalem. Now, 
 if any man build with the straw and stubble, or even 
 with that which appears like gold or silver, — " every 
 man's wofk shall be made manifest of what sort it is ; 
 for it shall be revealed by fire, and the day shall de- 
 clare it." How much need then is there for all 
 amongst us, who fill any of the oflBces in the' church, 
 and even for such as may be in the highest sta- 
 tions, and may have been made of eminent service 
 therein, again and again to wait upon the Lord, yet 
 again to bow down their souls; so that every high 
 thing that would exalt itself within them, may be 
 abased, under the humbling influence of that power 
 which bruise th and breaketh in pieces, which bringeth 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAT. 163 
 
 US low, and keepeth us low, even as children and 
 babes, willing to be led about and. instructed, and 
 ready to esteem another better than ourselves. Now, 
 as individuals are brought into such a feeling, tender 
 State as this, they become sweetly qualified to take 
 . those places which the master-builder ordereth for them 
 in his house, in his family, in his vineyard. They 
 thus receive capacity and authority to labor for the 
 great cause, and in the name and power of their leader ; 
 they have strength to bind and to loose, to help and 
 to heal the weak and the wounded ; and they have the 
 spirit of patience and of pity given them to plead with 
 and to pray for the tempted, the tossed, the tried. 
 And ! the tenderness that is shown by such as these 
 on behalf of their poor fellow-creatures who may be 
 overtaken or overcome of evil or error, — knowing that 
 1;hey themselves stand only through the mercy of tlie 
 Most High. J. B. 
 
 21st. — How little do we know what is best for us ! 
 ! how good a thing it is to be led about and instruct- 
 ed by our tender Parent, even as little children, seeing 
 that i'e no more than they can run along with safety. 
 When I am ready to receive hurt from some precious 
 gift or other which He has lent me — when 1 am likely 
 to be elated at seeing myself so favored, or to assume 
 anything to myself because the Lord showers upon me 
 his blessings , — then, in the abundance of his compas- 
 sion, he t-aketh away that which I was ready to abuse, 
 and leaves me in darkness and in the deeps, it may be 
 
154 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDUMS 
 
 Trithout a shadow of comfort or a ray of his heavenly 
 presence. And then, in the bitterness of my soul, in 
 the absence of my Beloved, I cry out and weary my- 
 self with bewailing, being in my own apprehension on 
 the 'point of despair. But He, even my Father, re; 
 gards not my crying nor my weeping; he knows best 
 what is good for me, and continues his dispensation of 
 afflicting darkness and drought until in his wisdom he 
 sees that the set time to favor me is come. 
 
 22d. — Was much instructed by looking over a 
 Monthly Meeting's early minute-book, dated about 
 1666. I thought I clearly saw that our Friends, in 
 the beginning, were a simple, plain set of people, and 
 that they mostly had but a very small proportion of 
 learning or general knowledge. Divers advantages 
 have we above them in several respects : yet it has 
 seemed to me that some of these very advantages have 
 proved our hurt and stinted our growth, so that we 
 have not arrived at their stature or strength. " The 
 love of other things," we read, choked the good seed ; 
 and this seems to me to be applied to our case, who 
 have many "other things," (some of them very good, 
 when kept in subjection,) which draw away our minds 
 from the simplicity of the Truth, and from a patient, 
 humble, waiting frame of mind, in which alone true 
 safety can be witnessed. 
 
 26th. — I desire greatly not to be led away and en- 
 snared by coveting or looking for the esteem and no- 
 tice of any, even of religious characters ; I pray in my 
 heart, that I may be preserved from liking to hear my 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 155 
 
 own voice and tongue in company, and from the least 
 approach to anything like a love of showing off even 
 good qualities. If we are in the right spot, we shall 
 forget ourselves, and not esteem these things as our 
 own which are wrought in us, or which we have been 
 enabled rightly to do or say. 
 
 I have also seen, that much care is needful not to 
 be endeavoring or presuming to correct the views and 
 sentiments of others, by our own strength and in our 
 own will and time. I see danger in this for all, but 
 especially for yo^ng people, who are so likely to get 
 into argument and much talking. Nothing is gained 
 often thereby ; but the way to openness and conviction 
 respecting any matter, is much blocked up. But after 
 long patience and waiting, and much uneasiness has 
 been undergone, lest the right thing should, by any 
 means suffer ; and after not a little exercise of mind on 
 account of the person who may hold such a wrong sen- 
 timent, — then have I s^n a word in season put forth 
 in meekness, do more than all the ill-timed efforts of a 
 man's own will and strength. 
 
 Fifth month, 10th. — The day before yesterday, I 
 completed my twenty-first year. I may say, with some 
 feeling, that my breathing in secret is unto the Lord, 
 that he would in mercy continue near to me, to help in 
 time of need ; for I am still unable to take one right 
 step, notwithstanding anything already attained ; but 
 have need day by day to wait upon him again and again 
 for a renewal of strength : for assuredly He alone, who 
 
156 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDUMS 
 
 began the work, can safely carry it on, and bring it to 
 Buch a conclusion as will redound to his own praise. 
 
 19th. — The day before yesterday it seemed right for 
 me to give up to gp and sit among Friends at their 
 Monthly Meeting at Kingston. I had no probable 
 means of conveyance but on my feet, and it was a very 
 rainy morning ; but I cried unto the Lord that he would 
 direct me, and give me sufficient strength to do what- 
 ever might be best. T got there, it being, I suppose, 
 more than thirteen miles, some time after the hour of 
 assembling, much wearied in body, tut sweetly fresh 
 and lively in mind, through the extendings of mercy ; 
 so that the driving rain and the length of my walk had 
 not much effect upon me, who am but a poor weakly 
 one. On my way thither, ij; rather vividly came to my 
 mind',— s" what if I should have to speak in their meet- 
 ing?" But the Lord quieted that spirit within me, 
 which would be questioning and reasoning ; and I was 
 favored to feel great composure and calmness, notwith- 
 standing that suggestion. And ! the melting power 
 and glorious influence which was enjoyed by me, and I 
 believe by others, in the meeting for .worship ! how pre- 
 cious an half-hour did I spend among them ! so much 
 so, that my heart was filled with the song of praise 
 unto that great Bejng, who remembers and cares for 
 his poor little ones ; and who in his own time fills his 
 hungry ones with good things, — yea, with the choice 
 dainties of his table, so that their cup runs over ! O ! 
 the tears of joy that were shed ! may I never forget 
 the renewed mercies of the Lord my God, while I have 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAT. 157 
 
 my being ! The next day was our Monthly Meeting at 
 Westminster, where were present some choice servants, 
 through whose ministry the language of encouragement 
 was held out to the little ones, but especially to those 
 young in years, whose hearts the Lord had in measure 
 melted into a willingness to be conformed to his holy 
 will respecting them. ! the unutterable condescen- 
 sion of Him, whose mercies are new every morning ! 
 may the objects of his bounty be yet more and more 
 mindful of him, and of his goodness ; and be induced 
 yet more fully and faithfully to give up to his requir- 
 ings ; to bring all the tithe into the Lord's treasury, as 
 two dear Friends said in the meeting, and prove him 
 therewith, and see if He will not open the windows of 
 heaven and pour them out a blessing, until there be no 
 room to contain. 
 
 To E. J. 
 
 Isle of Wight, 30th Sixth month, 1818. 
 Dear E. : 
 
 I have felt so much dissipation of mind since I ar- 
 rived here, as to unfit me for a calm enjoyment of the 
 beautigs of nature, so profusely mingled as they are 
 here. The oares devolving upon me not a little tend 
 to lead away the mind from that " retired, strict, and 
 watchful frame," as I think WilliamTenn calls it, which 
 seems to be the safest and most profitable state for me 
 as an individual, and a soil most conducive to my pre- 
 sent growth. I may truly say, that though I desire 
 not to prescribe for any, otherwise than seems to he 
 14 
 
158 LETTERS AND MEMORANbUMS 
 
 my especial duty, yet I believe that an approach to 
 unwatchfulness or levity is dangerous — is ensnaring. 
 How often have I been in different degre^ unfitted 
 thereby for that sweet retirement of mind, which'seems 
 to be, as it were, the element and atmosphere of the 
 true Friend. I think of you at your Quarterly Meet- 
 ing this day. — I long that the many Pharisees, who 
 are in the formality, and obtrude their services and 
 " much speaking" in meetings for discipline, and some 
 even in those for worship, may be kept under ; fop 
 assuredly, the wisdom that is from below is at enmity 
 with the pure lowly seed of the kingdom, and will do 
 only mischief to the good cause ; its nature and ten- 
 dency being to exalt itself, whilst its pretension is, to 
 forward the right thing. But the foolish things of the 
 world, and the weak things, and the base things, are 
 still preferred and chosen, to confound the wise, and 
 to bring to nought everything else, but the power, the 
 life, the wisdom, the nobility of the Truth. Paul, the 
 learned Paul, the enlightened Paul, when he came from 
 the feet of Gamaliel the Pharisee, and sat at'the feet 
 of Jesus, would not even speak in the words which 
 man's wisdom taught : he came not with enticing words 
 or excellency of speech, lest his hearers should admire^ 
 him or his words, rather than the power ; and so their 
 faith should stand ift the wisdom of man, and not upon 
 that foundation, than which no other can be laid, and 
 besides which Paul determined to know nothing, — even 
 Christ, the wisdom and power of God. 
 
 Dear E , thou knowest all this, yet I long that 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 159 
 
 we both may keep to those things which we have in 
 mercy been made sensible of; that so we may be ena- 
 bled to stand for the Truth and its simplicity, over all 
 that which looks like Truth, but is not, — being only 
 an image, which the enemy has patched up and esta- 
 blished, wherewith to deceive the simple ; and he would 
 have us worship this image, and highly esteem such as 
 sacrifice- to it. But Truth wants no ornaments or paint ; 
 none of the "vain philosophy" of the .learned ; the 
 polite airs and customs which are in the world, she 
 shrinks from and avoids : the studied maxims, and 
 gathered wisdom, and logical conclusions, and distinc- 
 tions of the schools, only clog and impede our growth 
 in the Truth. How little of the innocence and artless- 
 ness, and openness and simplicity, and natural beauty 
 of the Christian religion, is to be seen and felt thriving 
 amongst us at this time ! The state of our Society not 
 a little reminds me of that of a large machine or mill, 
 which was made skilfully, aYid set a going admirably, 
 and went well at the first : and when one wheel broke, 
 the master took it away and supplied its place ; and 
 when any part of the machinery was worn away through 
 much service, the master took care the work should not 
 suffer thereby, but raised up other instruments. But 
 at length the dry rot or some terrible mischief gets in 
 and spoils it, so that the sound parts can hardly act or 
 work, because of the number of unsound members. In 
 sufsh case, surely the machine must undergo a thorough 
 repair ; surely every member of the body must come 
 under and submit to the reforming and refining hand : 
 
160 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 even the sound parts must, as it were, be taken to 
 pieces for the sake of the rest ; that all may be re- 
 established in their several places, and according to 
 their different capacities, by the ordering of the great 
 Workman, whdse workmanship they are. 
 
 To J. F. M. 
 
 London, 29th of Eighth month, 1818. 
 
 I believe there may be much show and appearance 
 of excellent dispositions in some, who have not had any 
 call to service in the line which they may have set their 
 feet in, as well as in some that have not abode long 
 enough under the refining hand, which was fitting them 
 for their allotted post. These may talk of the degen- 
 eracy in the faith or practice of others who profess 
 with them, and may lament or seem to lament the in- 
 novations or backslidings of their fellows ; and they 
 may for a time keep within the limits of consistency, 
 imitating the actions of those whom they apprehend to 
 retain something of primitive zeal and uprightness ! 
 Some also of these may, in the heat and. warmth of the 
 sparks which they have kindled, and with which they 
 have compassed themselves, begin the work of refor- 
 mation, or rather set about it in their own wills, and 
 after their darkened apprehensions ; and when they see 
 their endeavors not owned or seconded so readily or 
 quickly as they deem them worthy, for the faithful can- 
 not own them, then it -sometimes happens that these 
 spirits burst out into open variance with the body ; and 
 so manifest their foundation to the faithful, whose eyes 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 161 
 
 \ 
 
 the Lord openeth to see and to discern the good, from 
 that which only appears to be so. Such an one, if he 
 is ever favored to see the error of his way and to turn 
 from it, will have to acknowledge that all his stirrings, 
 strivings, willings, runnings, his labors and services, 
 even to promote good, were out of that Spirit, whereby 
 alone good can be discovered, embraced, or promoted 
 in his own heart, or in the hearts of others. There is 
 then great need for all to wait upon the Lord, to feel 
 his power discovering the evil and the good in us, 
 raising up the one, and enabling us to overcome the 
 other : and as we continue faithful to these discoveries, 
 we shall be made partakers of more of his gifts, and 
 grow in a living experience of his Truth, and in a lively 
 understanding as to such things as are best for us to 
 know; until it please the Lord to dispose of us in that 
 part of his vineyard where he "hath. need of us." 
 Then as we abide in Him, from whom we derive our 
 strength and vigor, we shall bring forth much fruit, not 
 only to his praise and our own peace, but to the edifi- 
 cation of the church, and to the comfort of its living 
 members. ' J- B. 
 
 U' 
 
162 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Tenth month, 11th, 1818. — I have of late put but 
 little to paper by way of remark, as to the state of my 
 mind, not having felt much freedom this way ; yet I 
 may here acknowledge, that the same Power that hath 
 all along helped and sustained me, is not, nor has been, 
 wanting in the needful hour ; of which the Lord is the 
 best judge, and not I. My feeble cry is yet unto him 
 under all my discouragements and exercising seasons. 
 The little lowly tender seed whieh he hath quickened, 
 and in measure raised in me, doth still look unto its 
 Parent for daily sustenance ; his ear is ever open unto 
 the cry of his poor ; and his eye of pity and compas- 
 sion is still upon that birth which is of him, to cherish 
 and to care for it, and to provide all things needful. 
 ! for a continuance of his fatherly goodness, and for 
 the renewed extension of his preserving arm of power 
 around me ; that so I may be restrained thereby from 
 all hurt and harm through this vale of tears and temp- 
 tations, and sustained by the same through all the 
 depths of affliction, into which he may see it best for 
 me to be plunged, ,to my purification and peace. My 
 heart is much tendered and impressed, whilst writing 
 . these lines ; for indeed I am not able sufficiently to 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 163 
 
 mention how good the Master is, — how worthy to be 
 glorified, trusted in, obeyed, and loved, by all his ser- 
 vants and children. 
 
 19th. — ! the sweet- influx of the Father's peace, 
 of the Father's joy and comfort, with which he is pleased 
 at times to refresh and revtve the hearts of his humbled 
 contrited ones, — those that are through his mercy pre- 
 vailed upon, and through his heavenly help and strength 
 enabled to count all things but as nothing, that they 
 may be found in him, and to sufier for his name's sake 
 the loss of all things ! What a blessed evidence of his 
 continued goodness have I been favored with this morn- 
 ing, during the short space of a few minutes, in my 
 retirement to seek the lifting up of the light of his 
 countenance, and to wait for the shedding abroad of 
 his love in my heart. What encouragement does it 
 afford me to continue steadfastly looking unto Him, 
 the author of all my blessings, the director of all my 
 footsteps, the restorer of right paths to walk in. What 
 assurance have I had renewed at this season, that I 
 am, through his daily help and strength, in the way of 
 his leadings ; so that in a fresh feeling of his directing 
 and protecting power being about me for my preserva- 
 tion on every hand, I may boldly say with the Psalm- 
 ist, — "Though an host should encamp against me, 
 mine heart shall not fear," the Lord being "my light 
 and my salvation." 
 
164 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 To ■'. 
 
 Twelfth month, 21st, 1818. 
 
 I have often thought to be, what our early 
 
 Friends would have called a " tender spirited young 
 man ;" but oh ! how much must such go through, who 
 have been made willing to come to the Master, in the 
 full belief that he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. 
 The Master looking upon such, loveth them ; yet must 
 these give up their all, as and when he calls for all or 
 any of their " great possessions." We read that Zion 
 was to be redeemed with judgment ; and with the spirit 
 of judgment and of burning was her filth to be purged 
 away. ! this fiery baptism ! few of us know enough 
 the necessity of it; — it is hard coming under it, it is 
 hard keeping under it : — then, and not until then, do 
 we really know the full import of these deep expres- 
 sions, "baptized into his death," — "planted in the 
 likeness of his death," — "crucified with him," "that 
 I might, (as the apostle says,) know Him, and the 
 power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his 
 sufferings, being made conformable to his death." 
 There is, as thou knowest, a refiner's fire ; where the 
 things that are even the most precious, the most pure 
 metal, the most fine gold, are to be put in, and to be 
 again and again melted down and softened, and ren- 
 dered susceptible of the impression that they are de- 
 signed to receive : they must be passive as the clay ; 
 they cannot impress themselves. No more can we as 
 creatures humble ourselves, truly and acceptably and 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 165 
 
 profitably, in or by our own will or way, or by the vo- 
 luntary exertion of any parts or powers of our own ; 
 no, we must not choose our own way of being good, 
 neither do good according to our conceits and con- 
 ceivings, else another thing is exalted in reality, than 
 the principle and power of Truth. I have been often 
 instructed very deeply by these expressions : — " but 
 we have this treasure, (that is, the Light shining in 
 our hearts) in earthen vessels ; that the excellency of 
 the power may be of God, and not of us ;" — " always 
 bearing .about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, 
 that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in 
 our body," I think Penington says, that we are but 
 vessels, wherein the pure excellent oil may appear or 
 disappear ; and some one says, these vessels must be 
 emptied, before they can be cleansed from any dirt or 
 sediment, which they may have contracted whilst in 
 use in this filthy world. I remember John Churchman 
 wrote, that the vessels in the potter's house were to be 
 set on the shelf to dry, after they had been formed on 
 the wheel ; and then to be baked in the fire. These 
 things I write to thee, dear — ^ — , as they occur ; much 
 more of this nature often passes through me, unsought 
 and unstudied in times of retirement, which are seasons 
 of refreshment to me oftentimes ; and in them, I think, 
 I have learnt more effectually, and been strengthened 
 more availingly, than in any other way : and though 
 
 speaking of seemed at firstthe occasion of them, 
 
 yet it is not for me to cast a stone ; though from the 
 very little experience which I haVe had of these things, 
 
166 lETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 I begin to see tte necessity and somewhat of the beauty 
 of those deep baptisms, and desire greatly that dear 
 
 may bear me company in coming and keeping 
 
 under them, this being the true way of the cross. For 
 a cross that bears any marks of being our own manu- 
 facture will never do, so at least I have been favored 
 clearly to see ; it is no cross at all in reality. The mind 
 is a very active busy part ; and if it be at any time 
 quickened into a sensibility and admiration of what is 
 excellent, unless kept down in the true subjection by 
 that which quickened it, it will speedily put itself forth 
 and rush into such actions, or words, or thoughts, as it 
 apprehends to be of a good tendency or nature, and is 
 very ready to hope and believe that these things' are 
 required ; forgetting that that which quickens in us the 
 first spark of good, and raises up the least desire after 
 it, the very same must preside over all our stoppings, 
 the last equally with the &st stepping ; the very same 
 must strengthen us to choose the good and to follow it, 
 which gives us ability to refuse and shun the evil. In 
 this way self is cast out, and the principle and power 
 of Truth alone exalted, and then the Seed reigns and 
 is over all, as G. F. says ; for that is to govern, guide, 
 and go before, in this gospel day, and that is to lead ; 
 and when it stops we are to stop and stand still, and 
 when it goes forward, we are to move with it, and in 
 it, as Israelites indeed. 
 
 27th. — At this time it lay upon me to set up my 
 Ebenezer, as decidedly as this perishable method with 
 paper and ink, and this feeble representation by words, 
 
OP JOHN BARCLAY. 167 
 
 ■which are at best but inadequate symbols, -will allow 
 of. My soul has been hitherto helped by the imme- 
 diate handing forth of that power, wisdom, support 
 and indescribable consolation, which comes from the 
 holy sanctuary of the most High. My heart hath been 
 sweetly engaged at seasons to praise, honor, and glorify 
 Him, who lifteth ufi the poor out of the very dunghill, 
 setting them among princes : verily, He giveth power 
 to the faint, " and to those that have no might, He in- 
 creaseth strength." And this is He, who was called 
 the God of Abraham, and of Isaac, and of Jacob ; and 
 who continues to be to all His living Israel in this day, 
 as He ever was in old time. For the devil is the god 
 of the dead in trespasses and sins;. but the Lord hath 
 bruised his head by his seed, Christ Jesus, who hath 
 purchased life for those that are willing to be made 
 partakers thereof. 
 
 3Qth. — Lord ! if David thy servant did say of the 
 love that prevailed between his fellow-servant Jonathan 
 and himself, that it was "Wonderful," — if we may also 
 say of those whom thou hast knit and bound up toge- 
 ther with us in the fellowship of thy Gospel, that they 
 ar^as nursing fathers and nursing mothers, as endeared 
 brothers and sisters in .thy Truth ; — Father Almighty ! 
 how shall we sufficiently commemorate thy loving-kind- 
 ness towards us, thy poor creatures ; whom thou hast 
 been pleased to gather into the heavenly relationship, 
 into the joyous fellowship, into the blessed flock of thy 
 family, and hast deigned to acknowledge as thy chil- 
 dren. I thought I felt the sceptre of thy paternal love 
 
168 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 Stretched out, renewedly inviting me to partake of the 
 blessing that maketh truly rich, and g,ddeth no sorrow 
 therewith, — inviting me to draw near, and to make my 
 request unto thee, and to plead with thee in the power 
 of thy love ; into which thou hast gathered me, and by 
 which thou raayst be prevailed with. I am emboldened 
 to 3,sk of thee at this season the continuance of thy 
 holy help from time to time, under all the provings and 
 afflictions and chastenings, which may in thy wisdom 
 be allotted me. As all thy servants of old, even unto 
 this day, have shared in the cup of bitterness, and par- 
 taken of the water of affliction, so, ! Lord, may I 
 also endure chastening, and partake of the evidence 
 of sonship ; remembering the language of thy servant, 
 "If we suffer with Christ, we shall also reign with 
 him." This accept and grant, if it please thee, ! 
 my Father ; who hast never yet denied that which thou 
 hast put into my heart to offer unto thee in the prayer 
 of faith : and if I need at any hour anything of thee, 
 I know that thou hearest me and a.rt with me, whilst I 
 abide with thee, and am in submission to thy mani- 
 fested will. To thee, therefore, I desire at this time 
 afresh to commend and commit all that I have or am, 
 and increasingly to become thy child. 
 
 [To a person under convincement of our religious 
 principles.] 
 
 25th of First month, 1819. 
 
 When the Master sent forth his chosen ones to do 
 the work which he had appointed for them, he said, 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 169 
 
 "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of 
 wolves ; be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless 
 as doves." These few words of Scripture sprung up 
 BO forcibly in my mind, in the midst of no little anxiety 
 for thy real welfare, and sympathy with thee under thy 
 various and peculiar trials, that it appeared right for 
 me to convey them in this way, and to relieve myself 
 of some weight of solicitude on thy account ; earnestly 
 desiring that this little stepping-stone, thrown in thy 
 way, may not in any sense prove a stumbling-stone, 
 hurtful instead of helpful. First then, and first and 
 last, I would direct thy attention to the Comforter, the 
 heavenly Instructor, the Spirit of Truth ; under whose 
 precious teachings, I am persuaded thou hast been 
 already brought, and so, in that measure most profit- 
 able for thee at present, art partaking of the refresh- 
 ment, peace, joy, faith, hope, strength, and holy forti- 
 tude and wisdom, which are richly in store for all such 
 as submit themselves to its guidance. The apostle 
 John directed the minds of those whom he addressed, 
 to the anointing which they had from the Holy One, 
 whereby they "knew all things" necessary to their 
 growth in grace. Though I know but little of thee in 
 an outward sense, yet I am persuaded, that the hand 
 of the Lord is truly upon thee ; and greatly do I crave, 
 that thy continual care and caution may be, to keep 
 close to this anointing. That which anoints is Truth, 
 the Spirit of Truth, thePower of Truth: this is what 
 secretly works upon the soul, bruises our self-confidence, 
 breaks our false peace, awakens out of our dreams of 
 15 
 
170 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 pleasure, riches, honour and acquirements, shows us 
 our real state, where we are, how far we have missed 
 the road, whether in princi^e or practice, and clearly 
 points the way to true and everlasting peace ; — giving 
 us also such full directions that we cannot possibly miss 
 of it, if we do but follow them, and not our own rea- 
 sonings and imaginations. What holy invincible ar- 
 mour does our great Captain clothe his little striplings^ 
 with, — those that are after his own heart, as young 
 David was ; those that lay aside all their own or other 
 people's weapons and strength, laying hold only of the 
 hope set before them. May thy desire be iinto thy 
 Lord, that He may furnish thee with the sling, and 
 give thee the smooth stone, as thou art in the way to 
 meet thine enemy ; and may thy true dependence be, 
 yet more than ever thou hast known it to be, immov- 
 ably fixed on thy Rock, thy Redeemer : and do not let 
 the enemy put thee on any improper leaning on books 
 or men, but lean upon Jesus, as all his beloved disciples 
 ever have done. It is a safe spot to be sitting at the 
 feet of Jesus, rather than at the feet of Gamaliel ; and 
 be not cumbered about many things : remember one 
 thing is needful, and this one thing is a learning of 
 Him who is meek and lowly in heart, — ^that true learn- 
 ing which is not merely a hearing, but a doing also his 
 sayings ; who speaks with such authority and power in 
 the secret of the soul, as to make us cry out, " He told 
 me all that ever I did;" is not this the Christ within, 
 the teacher, who it was said should never be removed 
 into a corner, as the Gospel-day prevailed ? There is 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 171 
 
 indeed a proclaiming to others, by our life and conver- 
 sation, the name or power of Christ, as he has been 
 pleased to manifest himself unto us, opening in us the 
 well of water, which springs up into everlasting life. 
 But how seldom, (as Penelon expresses it,) does the 
 soul keep silent enough to hear His voice, who speaketh 
 as never man spake ; how seldom are we simple enough 
 to follow Him whithersoever he leadeth ; and when per- 
 secution or affliction ariseth because of the word nigh 
 in the heart, by and by we are offended or afraid ; — 
 forsaking our leader, when he leads in the straight and 
 narrow way of the cross ; and denying Him, in whose 
 name we may have done even some mighty works, — 
 saying with poor Peter, " I know not the man." There 
 is, as thou well knowest, a going before our guide, a 
 kindling of sparks and warming ourselves at them, an 
 offering of sacrifice before the prophet come ; and what 
 burdens have the upright in heart at times made hereby; 
 what a "lying down in sorrow,": — what a close rebuke 
 from our great prophet and high priest, " Thou hast 
 done foolishly." We may remember Saul said, "the 
 Philistines will come down upon me, and I have not 
 made supplication to the Lord;" and he waited seven 
 days for Samuel, and the people were scattered from 
 him and trembled for fear of the enemy. Here was 
 an offering of something good, in the time and will of 
 the creature ; but it was not counted good nor ac- 
 cepted, because it was not prepared of the Lord's pro- 
 phet, neither offered in faith, but in faithless fear. 
 Truly I say not these things to cast anything like dis- 
 
172 lETTBES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 couragement in thy way, but rather as an encourage- 
 ment for thee to look up for help, to steer clear of all 
 things that would hurt or hinder thy steady progress 
 and inward growth downward in the root arid life of 
 religion. Be not very anxious about making fruits ap- 
 pear ; if thou art chiefly seeking to be grafted into the 
 true Vine, the precious fruits of that righteousness, 
 which He is the author of, will not be wanting in their 
 season. But there is a winter, when not a leaf ap- 
 pears ; insomuch that a superficial observer would say, 
 What good comes of this graft ? Of what use has re- 
 ligion been to him ? Yet the husbandman knows the 
 times and the seasons, and that if even a bud were to 
 be put forth, it would be struck by the frost. There is 
 a time to be empty, to be stripped, to be poor, to be 
 buffeted by the wintry winds, to be deprived of all 
 sense of life, any relish for, or savour of good : and 
 then I have found it safe to lie low in the littleness, in 
 patient poverty, in the -true insignificance ; — waiting in 
 the abandonment of self, in the silence of all flesh, for 
 His re-appearing, " in whose presence there is fulness 
 of joy " and abundance of consolation, saith my soul 
 from undoubted experience. Then wait in the filial 
 fear, in the living faith, though it seem small as the 
 grain of mustard-seed, though it may lie very low: 
 wait thus, I say, upon the Lord ; occupy with this thy 
 talent, it is enough for thy present wants; the Master 
 knoweth what things thou hast need of, before thou ask 
 for the food and raiment, even the daily bread, the 
 wine of the kingdom. He will not withhold the oil and 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAT. 173 
 
 the wine from thy wounds or weaknesses ; neither dost 
 thou know how much he has in store for thee, as thou 
 followest him in the way of his leadings in faith and 
 faithfulness. Keep not back part of the price — part 
 of the inheritance which thou didst inherit from thy 
 fallen father Adam, and earnest into possession of by 
 actual transgression ; but give up all, that thou mayst 
 be clothed as his lilies are, with his innocence, not with 
 thy own righteousness, which are but as filthy rags. 
 Be wise then as a serpent ; be wiser than the serpent 
 that beguileth, that lieth in wait sometimes as an angel 
 of light, to deceive the hearts of the simple. He suits 
 his baits with much artful wisdom, according to the 
 state and temper of mind in which he finds people. 
 Do they love what is good ? he is ready with an ap- 
 pearance or resemblance of good to entice them : and 
 how can any discover his deceits, or keep out of his 
 snares, but as they come to that which alone can give 
 the true discernment. What is that which enables us 
 at any time to distinguish between the good and the 
 evil, to choose the one and to refuse the other, though 
 ever so much gilded ? It is the true Wisdom, of which 
 Solomon wrote in his Proverbs, which preserveth out 
 of the snares of death. How clear, how intelligible is 
 her voice, in and unto the awakened upright soul ; this 
 word of wisdom is nigh thee, as thou already knowest, 
 
 thou needest not go far away to find it, thou needest 
 
 not mind the "Lo heres," and "Lo theres," — the king- 
 dom is within, the king's laws are written in the heart. 
 Receive not then for doctrines the commandments of 
 15* 
 
174 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 men : try all things by this infallible touchstone, •which 
 never yet led any into error, but out of all error into 
 " all truth." And when thou art examined concerning 
 those principles or practices, into which the Truth hath 
 led thee, and which nothing short of the same, I trust, 
 has given ttee strength to profess before men, be not 
 dismayed, be not discouraged, be not disturbed ; let tha 
 Truth plead for thee, " for it is not thou that speakest;" 
 nor canst thou by any ability short of that which the 
 Lord giveth in the very hour of need, do anything 
 availingly in support of the great cause. Remember 
 those faithful valiants who replied to the king Nebu- 
 chadnezzar, " We are not careful to answer thee in this 
 matter :" and remember how our great Master was si- 
 lent, and as one dumb before his accusers, though Pi- 
 late put a very short question to him, — " What is 
 truth ?" yet we read not of any answer being given, to 
 feed the subtle ensnaring wisdom in him who made the 
 inquiry. 
 
 I desire for thee an increase of the true strength 
 and stability ; and that is to be had by daily waiting 
 on the Lord in the closet of the heart. A humble 
 weighty deportment shows forth and best upholds the 
 dignity and beauty of the Christian religion ; it be- 
 comes and adorns the gospel. A retired, calm, and 
 watchful frame of mind is, in many respects, a hedge 
 and preservation about us, when thrown among those 
 who are not acquainted with our high profession of a 
 principle of Truth sown in every heart as a seed ; 
 which is truly the grace of God that appears unto and 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 175 
 
 in all men, leading them out of all evil into all good, 
 We have perhaps but few examples of -w^hat this hea- 
 venly influence would do, for those who are passive as 
 the clay under the potter's hand. Look not out at the 
 example of others, so as to stop short where they do ; 
 look rather to thy Master, and follow with a simple, 
 submissive, grateful spirit, all his secret intimations, 
 wheresoever He leads : follow such, only as they follow 
 Him , not by imitation but conviction ; for there are 
 many services and sacrifices into which others are led, 
 which possibly thou ma^j^t never be called upon to 
 evince thy love for the Truth by engaging in; and 
 some requirings may not be called for at thy hand, in 
 the same way or time as .they were at the hand of 
 others : it is also possible thou mayst have a narrower 
 path than any brother or sister that thou knowest of. 
 Keep then "thine eye single" to the light of Christ, 
 let that lead thee whithersoever and whensoever it will : 
 then only is the language of the heart, " Thy will be 
 done, Lord, in and by and through this poor earthly 
 vessel." Then only do we availingly know and feel the 
 blood of Jesus, the Mediator, to cleanse from all sin, 
 whilst we "walk in the light, as God is in the light." 
 For it is not the outward name of Jesus, but his power 
 revealed in us, changing our hearts, that saves ; neither 
 is it an historical faith alone in what the Saviour did 
 for us whilst on earth, that will avail anything ; for if 
 we reject him as our sanctifier, none of us can truly 
 know him to be our sacrifice, (as William Penn wrote.) 
 We read 'that the very devils could acknowledge that 
 
176 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 Jesus was the Christ ; yet they did not submit to his 
 government, but rebelled against him, or they would 
 not have been fallen angels. There are many that can 
 talk about tha. atonement, the intercession, the justifi- 
 cation, the redemption of Christ, and about baptism 
 and the communion and heavenly union between the 
 saints and the King of saints, who nevertheless confess 
 they are " miserable sinners, bound and tied by the 
 chains of their sins," — notwithstanding it is written, 
 " let him that nameth the name of Christ depart from 
 iniquity." My desire is for tljee, and for all men, that 
 they may come to the true and saving- knowledge of 
 God and our Saviour; which is only to be attained 
 unto, through obedience to the manifestations of his 
 Spirit in the heart, "given to every one to profit 
 withal;" without which none can fear him acceptably, 
 or -have true faith in his Son ; for the things of God 
 knoweth no man, but by his Holy Spirit. 
 
 Farewell ; keep to the Truth, and it will keep thee. 
 Remember, " He that dwelleth in the secret place of 
 the Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the 
 Almighty." J. B. 
 
 29th. — This may I say, and leave upon record, that 
 though many almost indescribable temptations and pre- 
 sentations of evil have been permitted to come about 
 me, sometimes like a mighty flood, so that in hours of 
 extreme weakness and infirmity, I have been many and 
 
 many a time ready to give up the fight of faith ; yet 
 
 to this day, the Lord strong and mighty, the Lord 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAr. 177 
 
 tnigLty in battle, has been pleased in bis abundant 
 compassion to encamp around me, and to give me songs 
 of deliverance, songs of triumph and of praise. In his 
 name ■will I set up my banner, who is a Rock of defence 
 and sure refuge to my poor weary soul in all her afflic- 
 tions as there is a concern to flee unto, abide in, and 
 under the shadow of this mighty rock in a weary land. 
 ! young man or young woman, to whom this may 
 come, — my friend, my brother, my sister ; who art 
 seeking the better country, and Him who is the way 
 and the guide ; though thou be weary and heavy-laden, 
 — take courage ! There is a staff, a stay, and strength 
 and succor with Him and in Him, who hath gone be- 
 fore ; and who leadeth on his little ones gently and 
 sweetly, as they are able to follow. Take this as the 
 counsel of one, who hath known His name (which is 
 above every name,) to be a strong tower. He will be 
 with his, even to the end of the world. 
 
178 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 To . 
 
 Sd of Second month, 1819. 
 
 Dear — , 
 
 I HAVE often believed that the blessing in store for , 
 those who hand " the cup of cold water" may not pass 
 from thee and thine, as thou art .yet concerned to 
 struggle on in the narrow way. I desire to be thy 
 companion therein, and an example in giving up faith- 
 fully to all that is set before me, whether in the line 
 of doing, or of suffering ; who am often sensible of 
 something still blotting out and wiping away many a 
 spot contracted through unwatchfulness. There is a 
 very precious feeling that seems to prevail with me, 
 whilst saying thus much ; and I may add,' that though 
 nearly day by day bowed down and broken, under a 
 view of the low state of. things at home (in the heart) 
 and abroad, and of many sacrifices for the cause which 
 are called for at my hand ; yet I may acknowledge that 
 showers of refreshing help and strength have de- 
 scended, so that the encouragement is great for me and 
 thee and all, yet' to struggle on ; laying aside that which 
 hinders. From thy affectiong^te friend, J. B. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 179 
 
 To . 
 
 Fifth month, 4th, 1819. 
 
 I Lave sometimes remembered the language or sen- 
 timent of a tried servant, who, by being resigned to 
 the Divine -will through the tribulations that were in 
 wisdom handed, was enabled to comfort a brother in 
 ■words like these : " If we be but clean vessels, no mat- 
 ter how empty ;" and I may add, " no matter how long 
 on the shelf," and as one says, like " a pitcher placed 
 upside down, on its mouth," — to keep the dust out. 
 The only danger I have found, when counted worthy, 
 or clean enough to^be set in this trying position, has 
 been that of repining at the dispensation allotted, or 
 not quietly seeking after acquiescence. If we were but 
 willing to abide the operation of the Almighty hand, 
 which would make all of us vessels fit for a place in 
 his holy temple, and a service in the Lord's house ; 
 and were but enough sensible of the benefit of these 
 turnings and overturnings, and of the blessing that 
 they are to those that are patient enough to profit by 
 them ; surely some of us who are now ready at seasons 
 to give over struggling, and to think it is to no purpose 
 endeavoring to hold out in faith and faithfulness any 
 longer, (presuming the Lord hath forgotten us,) would 
 rejoice that we are counted worthy to drink of the cup, 
 and to be baptized with the baptism, which alone can 
 purify and prepare for a seat in the heavenly kingdom. 
 " It shall be given to those for whom it is prepared," — 
 " I go to prepare a place'for you ;"-^and did He not 
 
180 LETTEKS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 go through suffering ; — was He not said to be made 
 perfect through the same ? — and shall we find a safer 
 path than in His footsteps, "who endured the cross 
 and despised th^ shame." Some in this day of great 
 profession and performance have to be renewedly bap- 
 tized into a deep sense of the state of things, both 
 without and within ; and to labor earnestly after the 
 pure and unshackled arisings of the seed, — which is 
 often very low, and burdened with much that seems to 
 be favorable, but yet greatly oppresses. I desire for 
 thee, dear J., that thou mayst not be without thy full 
 appointed share of such conflict of spirit, and even 
 apparent desertion of heavenly help and strength, as 
 is best for thee ; and that thou mayst have the grain 
 of faith renewed day by day, the hidden manna, the 
 secret sustenance which enables quietly to wait and 
 patiently to hope, even through all things : so that if 
 these dispensations should be in judgment or in mercy, 
 thou mayst be favored through submission to rise above 
 all that has stood in the way, steadily persevering in a 
 course of humble, dependent, watchful, innocent con- 
 duct. I believe that marriage is often made a means 
 of furthering the religious growth, and strengthening 
 the mind in that which is good, as we look to the Lord 
 in our proceedings, having him in our eye, above and 
 before all idols. But few measures taken in life, per- 
 haps, are so likely to entrap the unwary, as an injudi- 
 cious engagement therein ; it unsettles and uncentrea 
 the mind from the great first object, if much care be 
 not exercised, and diligent watchfulness maintained. 
 
OF JOHN BARflLAY. 181 
 
 To E. S. 
 
 Seventh month, 22d, 1819. 
 The examination of religious tracts proposed to be 
 printed, is a weighty service. If it were only to judge 
 of words, the consistency of the sense and meaning 
 with the principles which we profess, as far as human 
 ■wisdom can distinguish, this would be easy, and could 
 be compassed by the spirit of a man : " but the things 
 of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God ;" so 
 that man's spirit is unequal to it, but must be in sub- 
 jection, with all the vain reasonings which he can mus- 
 ter up and contrive by the natural powers of his under- 
 standing, or by his acquired learning and erudition ; 
 and he must wait to feel that raised up in him, which 
 is able rightly to discern and comprehend the precious, 
 and to distinguish it from the vile. I believe a time 
 may come, when the writings of many of our early 
 members, who shone brightly in their generation, may 
 again rise into universal repute among us, and also 
 among others ; notwithstanding the unfashionable garb 
 in which many of these writings are clothed, so unsuit- 
 able (apparently) for these times. ,So that one would 
 like to see the avenues kept open, and the channels 
 clear, and the conduits clean ; that whatever is to flow 
 in the ordering of best Wisdom, may flow freely. As 
 to what thou sayest of the fear of some, about the style 
 of our early Friends' writings, I think this fear is a 
 weakness, and proceeds from a sort of doubting in the 
 mind about the writings themselves, and not merely 
 16 
 
182 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 about the language. I would ask these fearful ones, 
 whether in reading a peculiarly interesting history or 
 travel, the subject of it does not carry them above the 
 style, so that alnaost any style, however prosy and dull, 
 is overlooked ; and this is the case tenfold more strongly 
 with the humble, seeking soul in religious matters, by 
 whom the words are overlooked in the earnest desires 
 after the substance. Those who are admirers of words, 
 whether they be words printed or words preached, are 
 very unlikely to be benefited really and truly by either, 
 having gone from that which is beyond words, and 
 which alone can make words effectual. 
 
 Sixth month, 5th. — Great have been my temptations : 
 yet abundantly manifest through all have been the 
 outstretchings of an ancient and eternal Arm of power, 
 so that to this hour it is alone through the Lord's emi- 
 nent mercy and long suffering, and by his preserving 
 strength and help daily extended toward me, that I am 
 yet alive in Him, and able to celebrate his name, and 
 seek his face, and wait for the fresh arisings of his 
 holy, heavenly virtue, by which alone I can do any- 
 thing acceptably ^or his great and glorious cause in 
 the earth, or be his dutiful and faithful son and ser- 
 vant. 
 
 Date uncertain. — holy blessed Father ! thy love 
 shed abroad in the heart, thy sweet, refreshing in- 
 fluence, can make up for all; thy softening, healing 
 balm makes us forget our wounds and weeping. 1 
 how good thou art to those who still struggle after re 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 
 
 183 
 
 signation, and sigh after submission to thy holy will! 
 Though they fall many times, yet how is thy strength 
 manifested for their recovery and relief, for the reno- 
 vation of their faith and courage ; so that all their 
 transgressions are blotted out, and their unfaithfulness 
 is wiped away. This is precious indeed — to feel ac- 
 cess to the Fountain set open for sin and iniquity, and 
 thus to be brought nigh by the blood of the Lamb, and 
 to feel its cleansing virtue. 
 
 Seventh month, 15th. — my Father! how_ precious 
 is thy love to my soul at this time, and the manifesta- 
 tion of thy life-giving presence in and unto my poor 
 tabernacle ! How hath the sweetening, sustaining in- 
 fluence of thy pure and Holy Spirit refreshed and ani- 
 mated my inward man ! how hath it even invigorated 
 the frail and slencTer frame of this perishable body ! so 
 that thou hast, at this season, prevailed upon and re- 
 duced into true passiveness everything that is within 
 me ; and I am renewedly prepared to offer unto thee 
 all that I have or am, and can say, in the ability which 
 thou givest, — " I am thine, and thou, blessed Lord 
 God of power and of everlasting praise and of mercies 
 infinite, art mine ;" I live by thee, and know, and 
 love, and glorify thee and thy Son, the Lamb, Jesus 
 my Saviour, through the eternal Spirit; praises, 
 praises to thy name for evermore. Amen. 
 
 Written in a grove at Knapton, in Yorkshire. 
 
 Eighth month, 25th. — ! Thou that seest in secret, 
 that knowest all things, that searchest the hearts and 
 
184 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 triest the inward parts of all men, and in whose pure 
 sight iniquity is discerned and judged, may it please 
 thee yet once again to regard and pity thy frail and 
 faltering servant, who am not worthy to he accounted 
 of thy household, and yet cannot rest satisfied in any- 
 thing short of a pure and perfect surrender and sacri- 
 fice of my all unto thy service. Thy presence, thy 
 purifying, preserving energy and virtue inwardly com- 
 municated to my soul, — how has it helped me along in 
 my earthly pilgrimage, — how has it sustained me in the 
 year of drought and in the hour of temptation and of 
 trial ! In all the depths into which I have been, and 
 may be, cast or permitted to be plunged. Lord ! thou 
 knoiwest that nothing has been able, or I trust shall be 
 able, to induce me to deny that thou hast blessed me 
 and done me good. Though thou slay me, yet will I 
 endeavor after resignation and submission, for without 
 thee, what am I ? my Father ! is there yet a door 
 of hope for me, yet a little access left for me, before I 
 go hence, and of men am seen no more ? May I pre- 
 sume to plead with thee for forgiveness and pardon, 
 who am unworthy to hope for it, having so often trans- 
 gressed and offended by unfaithfulness and many back- 
 slidings. 
 
 Written in a wood at Yealand, near Lancaster. 
 
 Ninth month, 5th. (First-day.) — What a mixed race 
 we are, even the brightest and best, — what a dwarfish 
 set ; it is most true indeed that we have not attained 
 to the stature, strength, or standing of our fathers. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 185 
 
 Yet oh ! how bright in the horizon was the opening, 
 the breaking forth of the morning of the day of 
 the Lord's everlasting power ! Verily his hand 
 is not shortened, the glory of his excellency and of 
 his strength will yet be manifested more and more ; he 
 will beautify his holy church and peculiar people, and 
 brighten up his jewels, and they shall shine as the 
 stars for ever and ever. And many nations shall flow 
 together, and become one fold on his holy mount ; and 
 he, the Shepherd, shall feed and lead them ; and they 
 shall lie down in his green pastures, and drink of the 
 pure river of his satisfying pleasures ; and as they 
 abide where He would have them, nothing shall harm 
 them, nor any iniquity prevail against them ; and they 
 shall never perish, neither shall any pluck them out 
 of his holy hand. 
 
 To S. A. 
 
 21st Tenth month, 1819. 
 
 1 omitted to mention our Quarterly Meeting : it was 
 held to satisfaction. It is lamentable to think how 
 much harm is done by the talkativeness that sometimes 
 manifests itself after such very solemn occasions; and~ 
 in meetings for discipline, there are those who, know- 
 ing much of the outward rules which Truth has led 
 our Society to adopt, are not sufficiently careful to act 
 in the life, in the liberty, in the sweetness, in the dig- 
 nity of it, — but suffer their mere adherence to rules, 
 without subjection to the power in which they were set 
 ap to mar at times the beautyj the benefit, and the 
 16* 
 
186 LETTEKS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 glory of these meetings, whicli should be religious 
 meetings, and would often be made meetings of wor- 
 ship to those whose minds are rightly engaged. Surely 
 the authority of these meetings is not the mere Book 
 of Extracts, nor does their excellency consist in a mere 
 mechanical complia,nee with what is there laid down; 
 nor does much talking in favor of any point, prove 
 that the sense of Truth is that way, though it may 
 prove that the sense of the majority leans so. 
 
 TO A FRIEND. 
 
 London, Eleventh month, 6th, 1819. 
 
 'My dear love has often been as fresh and warm to- 
 wards thee, amidst much sympathy and solicitude on 
 thy account as on my own, that we might both be pre- 
 served by the invisible, invincible principle of Truth, 
 through our patient seeking after, waiting for, and 
 following its pure and sure guidance. Amidst earnest 
 desires that this may be thy, and also my experience, 
 it has not seemed unpleasant nor unexpected that little 
 should hitherto have passed between us in this way, 
 which true friends have found, and do yet find, to be 
 but a feeble channel, though profitable and comforting, 
 when the reader can discern and read the language of 
 the heart of his friend. 
 
 It is a certain axiom, though a strange paradox to 
 such as have not yet come to witness the truth of it in 
 their own experience, that the true silence speaks 
 louder than the best words. I sometimes think that I, 
 
OP JOHN BAECLAY. 187 
 
 for one, have enough to do to steer my own frail ves- 
 sel in the stormy sea of life with the aid afforded ; be- 
 ing willing often to leave others to the like engage- 
 ment for themselves. For one finds it is a good thing 
 to mind one's own business, — to endeavor to rule one's 
 own little house well in the first place; then there will be 
 the better qualification to have charge over the house 
 of the Lord; and this latter is a duty which all will 
 find, in some way or other, in due season to devolve 
 upon them, if they are faithful, and as they, through 
 obedience, come into a capacity for usefulness. The 
 useless members are to be cut off, nay, they drop off 
 as a withered bough that receives not the sap of life. 
 As soon as any have grown to the stature and strength 
 for labor, they are undoubtedly put out to service, and 
 earn their livelihood, even that which nourishes to life, 
 and liveliness, and healthfulness, — even the heavenly 
 bread. And every son and daughter are to mind that 
 portion of work which is set them by their parent to 
 do in his family ; and they are to do nothing else but 
 to attend thereto cheerfully, handling the tools and 
 implements that he supplies them with, and at the 
 seasons of his appointment. To these diligent day 
 laborers, the times of refreshment indeed come, when 
 it is seen to be needful, in order that they faint no 
 But, in the Lord's family, those that will not wor 
 must not eat, nor sit at his table, nor have their penn-y 
 of peace, nor the reward of "well done." The do- 
 mestic economy here exercised, and the excellent dis- 
 cipline kept up, and the comely order and beautif i|i 
 
188 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDT" S 
 
 harmony of all the true members of this s liritual house, 
 I have seen and known to be wonderful la all its bear- 
 ings and branches; but those that are not of it cry 
 out, " He is a hard master," and would exact the ut- 
 termost farthing. Yes, He is a hard master to the 
 rebellious, and terrible will they find Him in the reck- 
 oning day; but very tender and pitiful is He found 
 unto them who are tender of his honor, even before 
 that day ; for they feel his unfailing mercy still blot- 
 ting out and wiping away, and extending afresh his 
 hand of help to such as are willing to work out their 
 own salvation with the true fear and trembling. That 
 thou, my dear friend, by diligent and close attention 
 to none other than the Shepherd's voice, and by a co- 
 operation therewith, even a simple subjection to that 
 which it makes manifest to be the duty of each day, 
 mayst come tp have this and much more verified with 
 yet greater satisfaction to thee in thy measure, is often 
 my desire. The way of the Lord's coming is even as 
 a refiner with fire, and a fuller with soap, — to melt and 
 to purify ; and blessed* are they that so receive him. 
 Thus the house of Saul will become weaker and weaker, 
 and that of David stronger and stronger ; though the 
 latter may be hunted, as the partridge on the moun- 
 tains, for a long season, pursued yet escaping; and 
 the seed of David to this day have often to " abide in 
 the wilderness in the strong-holds " and in the moun- 
 tains, and are ready sometimes to say, " Surely I shall 
 one day fall by the hand of Saul." This is a sore 
 conflict, yet a glorious and honorable warfare; and 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 189 
 
 the victory is certain to those that hold out unto the 
 end in faith and faithfulness. 
 
 I trust, my dear friend, that by this time many of 
 thy soul's enemies, that have stalked their forty days 
 like a Goliah, are laid low, and that many of thy 
 doubts and fears are in measure done away ; that with 
 renewed vigor, courage, patience, and perseverance, 
 thou art journeying onward, even with steady pace and 
 simple eye ; not moved by the " trial of cruel mockings," 
 if that should be thy lot ; nor yet dismayed by the many 
 tribulations that are permitted to attend the path of 
 the righteous. Yet I trust that an equal, if not a 
 greater degree of care and caution will yet mark thy 
 every movement and stepping, as thou goest along. I 
 speak not of a silly, slavish fear, which keeps some far 
 behind the footsteps of Christ and his companions ; or 
 of that weakness which would let the enfeebling rea- 
 soner prevail, to the hindering or even stopping of a 
 vigorous, healthy growth. Some have I known who have 
 Buffered such ain argument as this to nip their bud, and so 
 to check its putting forth, in the due and appointed 
 season, its natural blossoms and-fruit — saying, " Others 
 have professed great things, and have come to nothing ; 
 who am I, that I should pretend or presume so high? 
 Surely I shall disgrace the cause," &c. Such reason- 
 ings are, as we abide in the light, clearly manifested to 
 be of the enemy, though greatly disguised ; and he 
 sometimes lays hold of good kind of people who, with 
 upright intentions for the best, and desiring our preser- 
 vation from hurtful extremes, are induced, by a mis- 
 
190 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 taken and blinded judgment, to advise us against run- 
 ning risks (as they think) by such a bold, firm and de- 
 cided conduct as we apprehend is required at our 
 hands. I have had to tread much alone ; and I have 
 found it safe and conducive to my true growth to look 
 mainly, and in the first place, to that which is truly 
 an infallible Teacher, and which leads out of all error 
 and evil, into all truth and goodness ; and after some- 
 times great delay, (not through wilfulness or weariness, 
 but an upright desire to be ledjxy nothing but the true 
 guide',) I have been made willing to resign myself to 
 what has been cast up, I trust with something of that 
 singleness of heart and simplicity which the right thing 
 does undoubtedly induce. ! the comfort and divine 
 consolation which such a procedure has drawn upon 
 my poor soul, even in the midst of much trouble and 
 suffering. 
 
 The Truth does undoubtedly lead into a oneness in 
 principle, and even in practice as to generals : yet in 
 regard to particular sacrifices and services, very vari- 
 ous are the allotments for each member of the church, 
 — very different are the gifts and dispensations which 
 are meted out to each, and the administrations of them 
 also. Blessed are those who know and keep their se- 
 veral places in the body, always eyeing the Master, 
 even the holy Head thereof. These shall not be un- 
 duly moved by the revolutions and convulsions which 
 may be permitted to arise, and to surprise the hypo- 
 crites, whether from within or from without; — these 
 abide in their habitation and safe shelter during the 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 191 
 
 storms, nor are they supine and confident in the day 
 of ease and of calm weather, but are prepared, nay 
 are (if it be best) forewarned often of the judgments 
 that may be impending or ready to be poured out upon 
 the head of the disobedient. 
 
 Well, my dear friend, be valiant for the Lord and 
 his precious Truth, while thou hast a day in mercy 
 granted thee ; joyfully and unreservedly yield thyself 
 and all that thou hast unto his disposal. Keep to the 
 root of righteousness ; and as the divine sap of life is 
 suffered to ascend, and to circulate in and through thy 
 soul, thou shalt in due season be clothed, or be strength- 
 ened to put on the excellent fruits of righteousness, to 
 the praise of Him who hath chosen and ordained us, 
 that we should go and bring forth much fruit, and that 
 our fruit should remain ; and who is ready thoroughly 
 to furnish us unto every good word and work required 
 of us. 
 
 Farewell, and believe me to be thy affectionate 
 friend, J. B. 
 
 Falmouth, 17th of Twelfth month, 1819. 
 
 Dear , 
 
 My dear love is to thee, though from a low spot, 
 which has more or less been my experience of late : 
 but I can truly say, in the lowest seasons I have longed 
 for nothing more than for 'preservation through all 
 things ; even though there should be but little going 
 forward, or any vigorous growth in that which is good. 
 Yet should I be content in this the Lord's will, who 
 
192 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 doeth all things well, could I find an assurance, that 
 finally the eternal rest of the righteous might be mine ; 
 and that whilst buffeted and tempted here, no reproach' 
 might be reasonably thrown on the blessed Truth, 
 through any unfaithfulness of mine. A degree of 
 sweet calmness seems to arise, whilst writing to thee, 
 in which I feel thee near to me, and myself still bound 
 in a degree of tender love, and refreshing fellowship 
 unto the faithful everywhere. At such seasons how 
 strongly does the sentiment recur, — testimonies are 
 nothing comparatively, — words are nothing — outward, 
 perishable, changeable things are nothing; but to 
 know our sustenance, standing, strength, and life, to 
 be in the only unfailing Source, and to feel that which 
 is immortal, invincible and unchangeable to bear. up 
 our minds above the billows ; this is worth living for, 
 and suffering for, and dying for. 
 
 [In a letter to a friend, dated the 6th of First 
 month, 1820, speaking of drawing up accounts for 
 Piety Promoted, which he had diligently taken in hand 
 as a duty ever since the year 1817, also collecting and 
 copying letters of Friends, — he says : — ] 
 
 If these labors of love for the cause' sake should 
 ever come to much, or be made of extended utility,— 
 if they be rightly carried forward and introduced to 
 public view, — I trust I shall rejoice, whoever may have 
 it laid upon him to undertake this part of the business. 
 It is enough for me, quietly to devote myself to the 
 accomplishment of such share, in laying the foundation 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 193 
 
 and erecting the scaflfolding, as seems required at my 
 hands ; leaving the completion thereof to the disposal 
 of the Master-huilder, who knows the several ahilities 
 of his workmen, and portions out their duty according 
 to their day and strength : — He knows how compara- 
 tively short and small mine are ; yet He withholds not 
 the penny. 
 
 [And in another letter on the same subject, he 
 says : — ] My powers are very weak and small, I think, 
 in comparison to those of almost any one else, also 
 shattered, and partaking of my feeble frame of body : 
 but there is no knowing what the great " I AM" may 
 choose to do with such ; and those things are ever best 
 left with Him, who can do all things fo^ me. I have 
 had nothing* in view in this work but the great cause, 
 and have sometimes thought I should leave it as a 
 legacy among Friends ; but it is as my Master wills to 
 this day, as it was when I set a hand to it. If He please 
 to take me from it, or it from me, it is well. 
 
 First month, 19th, 1820.^ — I have had from one sea- 
 son to another, up to the present time, many teaching 
 intimations and timely warnings, from within and from 
 without, that there is no trust to be had in length of 
 days, nor dependence to be placed on health or strength 
 or youth, no nor yet on any services of suiferings for 
 Truth's sake ; but only upon the Rock, Christ Jesus, 
 the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world. To 
 know that renewed in us, which rightly gives an in- 
 terest in his blood, and in the salvation He purchased 
 17 
 
194 LETTEES AND MEMOKANDXIMS 
 
 for US, — to feel the spring of immortal, immaculate life 
 and goodness, bubbling up and breaking forth in and 
 over us, — to be assured by hearing, knowing, and fol- 
 lowing the Shepherd of Israel, that we are his sheep, 
 — to have a sure and satisfactory evidence that we are 
 more and more coming out of the world's spirit, into 
 that of the weaned child, — becoming more and more 
 separated from sin and self, — more and more seasoned 
 with and leavened into the nature of a child of God ; — 
 this is sweet, and a safe spot, saith my soul, for any 
 poor mortal to be found in, when the summons maybe 
 sounded forth. 
 
 "The time is short," said the apostle ; and it'remains 
 for us all, whatever be our situation in this life, or our 
 station in the Church, or our standing in a religious 
 sense, to remember that " the fashion of this world 
 passeth away." These things that are mutable must 
 pass away, and shall be as though they had not been : 
 yet shall the righteous stand and be established, when 
 the earth is removed out of its place, and the firmament 
 swept away as with a flood. Greatly do I desire to be 
 found amongst those who stay themselves upon the 
 living, eternal, Almighty Father and Saviour, and to 
 be increasingly concerned to pass the remainder of 
 my time in true filial fear and faithfulness. 
 
 Fourth month, 15th. — Surely my soul can praise 
 and bless thy holy name at this time, Lord Almighty ! 
 who art just and faithful, and true to one of the least 
 of the poor of thy flock ; thou art the compassionate 
 friend of those who are prevailed upon to surrender up 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 195 
 
 all unto thee, to commit all into thy care and keeping. 
 ! thou Shepherd of Israel, what can I render unto 
 thee for all thy benefits and sure mercies, which are 
 new every morning ? How shall I exalt and extol thy 
 goodness, thy tenderness, thy long-suffering compas- 
 sion, manifested renewedly towards thine unworthy 
 servant ? Words cannot celebrate thy wonderful bounty ; 
 but the hearts of those that are concerned to yield 
 themselves unto'thee, can sing unto thee of mercy, and 
 of judgment, and of truth, eternal, glorious and un- 
 speakable. ! thou all-wise and Almighty one, bring 
 to pass whatever is for thy glory, thy honor, thy ma- 
 jesty ; and overrule the rest. Limit the rage and roar- 
 ing of the enemy, who still seeks to devour thy seed, 
 and to cut up thy people. ! preserve thy poor de- 
 pendent ones, wherever or however gathered or scat- 
 tered all the world over, within the holy and sure en- 
 closure of the hollow of thy hand, from this time forth, 
 even to the end of all things here below : — still stretch 
 out the arm of thy power ; — still cover them with the 
 wing of thy carer and protection, from the storms and 
 from the blast ; — still command deliverance for Jacob, 
 and send forth salvation for such as are thy people, 
 who are seeking thy face, and longing after thee. Still 
 also, Lord ! plead with the rebellious, who indeed 
 dwell in a dry land ; who know not the unutterable 
 sweets of thy holy religion. If it be possible, yet 
 lengthen out the day of thy mercy towards these, as 
 thou didst unto me, blessed God ! and give them yet 
 to see the things that concern their real peace and 
 
196 LETTERS AND MBMOEANDUMS 
 
 everlasting happiness. For what is equal to the joy 
 that thy righteous have even here : in the midst of all 
 their trials they are with thee, and Thou leadest and 
 feedest them, and art their strongrhold in the day of 
 trouble, sanctifying all their afflictions to them ; adored 
 forever be Thy name ! In a sense of thy living pre- 
 sence, and many mercies vouchsafed unto me in an 
 especial manner of late, I thus commemorate thy 
 praise ; desiring to return thee thanks', and to commit 
 the keeping of my soul unto thee henceforth ; and to 
 crave of thee that I may be preserved humble, holy, 
 and blameless unto the end ; increasingly consecrated 
 in heart and life to thy pure service ; so that my soul 
 may be fitted, at the end of all things here, to enter 
 into that rest, which our blessed Saviour, thy beloved 
 Son, promised he would give unto those who come unto 
 Him and keep with Him, Amen. 
 
 [In a letter to a Friend, dated from Poole, 3d of 
 Sixth month, 1820, he writes : — "] 
 
 I may say that I have never considered it my place 
 to maintain that station in the worl(^, or live in that 
 mode of life in which I have been brought up, however 
 mortifying to poor self, and contrary to the habits and 
 views of others. It was one of the earliest convictions 
 that settled on my mind, when brought under serious 
 impressions, that I must come down and set an exam- 
 ple of moderation and self-denial, being content with 
 such things as I have ; so that I have been most easy 
 to decline even such opportunities of advancing my 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY, 197 
 
 condition, as others, no doubt may, in many instances, 
 ■wisely and rightly seek for and improve. Some again 
 may throw themselves into extensive channels of use- 
 fulness, by increasing their outward means : I can 
 only say, I am to do good in another way, if my life 
 be spared. I have looked, with much solicitude, for 
 best guidance in this matter : and the comfort and 
 peace with which, during my stay here, I have been 
 wonderfully favored, have been such as to enable me 
 at times even to sing for joy. I have also been greatly 
 broken down, under a sense of that hand, which is so 
 eminently over me for good, enabling me to look the 
 greatest of my difficulties, perplexities, and discourage- 
 ments in the face, as it were, with a degree of calm 
 confidence. My heart and life, and all that I am and 
 have, are to be surrendered up in such a way, as may 
 answer the Lord's' holy will and purpose concerning 
 me. On this groundwork, and on this principle, I 
 have not hesitated cheerfully to relinquish those views 
 of outward gain, and habits and station in life, to which 
 my education tended ; but which I have clearly seen 
 are not exactly such as harmonize with the Divine 
 intention respecting me, and with that sphere I should 
 occupy. What I have expressed herein, is not the 
 feeling of yesterday or to-day, but gradually confirmed 
 and rooted in my mind, through much secret conflict, 
 and a long course of humbling exercises, and such as 
 some of my sympathizing friends have been remark- 
 ably made sensible of from time to time. With much 
 affection, I am thy friend, J. B. 
 
 17* 
 
198 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 To . 
 
 Poole, 24th Sixth month, 1820. 
 
 Oh ! it is a sweet thing to get into calmness, — to 
 that spot where ail our cares, fears, and doubts are 
 swallowed up. It is that which our sickened souls often 
 need as a cordial to revive and to recover us from 
 the nausea of this world's joys and cares. I often feel 
 full occasion to press after a further purification, from 
 that which yet hangs about me, and which my spirit 
 loathes : to be released from the bondage is a great 
 matter, even to come into a degree of freedom from 
 the workings of evil. I wish many of our reformers, 
 and some youthful ones" especially, knew more of this 
 great work ; they would have shone brighter as vessels 
 in the house of the Lord, had they gone through the 
 seventh furnace ; they would have taken a better 
 polish, and the dust would not hang upon them, as it 
 now lamentably does. To feel something good visiting 
 us, is one thing ; — but patiently to endure all the 
 turnings of the holy Hand upon us, both in breaking 
 down the old nature, and building up the new edifice 
 on the sure foundation, is another matter. I fear too 
 many amongst us, content ourselves with knowing but 
 very little of the latter operation. x 
 
 Since coming here, my mind is more thoroughly set 
 at rest on some points than ever, especially as to the 
 propriety of my not entering into business, a subject 
 which used to harass me much; fearing sometimes, 
 that by this conclusion, I had given occasion for the 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 199 
 
 cause to be evilly spoken of, and the testimony of 
 Truth to be let down. The path is very narrow in 
 many respects, which I have to tread in. I have had 
 glimpses of it for several years ; " the pride of life" 
 must be laid low, however mortifying to the poor 
 creature, as well as to those whose eyes are outward. 
 Thou seest how much occasion there is for the help, 
 the secret help, of those who can intercede for me, 
 and sympathize with me ; there is^ that which can pre- 
 serve on every hand, as hitherto it hath marvellously 
 done ; and as faithfulness is abode in, and watchfulness 
 with patience, who can doubt that the issue of all our 
 movements will, through holy help, be for the honor, 
 and tend to the promotion of the great cause ? 
 
 [In the Tenth month of this year, he was married 
 to Georgianna Hill, daughter of Major Hill, of Kings- 
 bridge, Devonshire : — she had joined the Society by 
 convincement. To a much valued friend, he wrote : — ] 
 
 Penzance, 13th of Third month, 1821. 
 
 Often have I thought on thee and thy endearing 
 friendship^ as commenced in days that are past, and 
 strengthened in hours that are over and gone, though 
 not so soon to be erased ; for to those winter-evening 
 opportunities of comfort and favor I enjoyed with thee 
 and others, may I not refer much of the benefit and 
 instructive growth my soul received instrumentally, at 
 that period of my pilgrimage, when it seemed to be a 
 time of espousals, and when it might be said truly, 
 
200 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 "Thy time was the time of love." In reverting to 
 such seasons, I have often been sensible of many short- 
 comings, many wanderings, and much unwatchfulness ; 
 and I am sometimes ready to apply to myself the lan- 
 guage respecting Israel, " Of old time, I have broker, 
 thy yoke, and burst thy bands ; and thou saidst, I will 
 not transgress;" — though some consoling hope at- 
 tends, that the succeeding complaint of degeneracy 
 does not altogether belong to me. To be bowed down 
 under a sense of our infirmities, is profitable to the 
 best, and safe at seasons for all ; and whilst we may 
 Iqok upon these dispensations, as some small proof 
 that we are not left without chastisement and fatherly 
 correction ; they turn out not unfrequently, to be the 
 forerunners of further displays of mercy, and whole- 
 some preparatives for usefulness and enlargement. 
 We often mar the benefits that are in store for us, and 
 the intended effects of our trials, by too great eager- 
 ness for deliverance. 
 
 We have great occasion to stay ourselves upon the 
 holy Rock in the day of trial and affliction, having 
 known favors beyond many ; the high hand made bare, 
 and extended renewedly to deliver and protect. That 
 we may attend with vigilance to the fresh openings of 
 duty in every respect, is my earnest desire amidst a 
 deep consciousness of much to deplore, as regards 
 want of more steady adherence thereto. 
 
 I hear you are richly visited in the ministerial capa- 
 city. Oh! it is easy work to love them and their tes- 
 timony from the very heart, and to be attracted by 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAY. 201 
 
 the sweet influence of that which they live in ; but it 
 is hard to labor in the desert for food and raiment, and 
 to have no intermediate helping-hand to cheer and to 
 animate to constancy and endurance. Oh ! the extent 
 of that labor and daily exercise, ■which I feel needful 
 for myself to be found in, lest my soul lose its hold ! 
 Farewell. J. B. 
 
 Fourth month, 18th. — Quarterly Meeting at Exeter. 
 
 Oh ! that my soul may be moved efiectually to strive 
 
 for further liberation from the borders and boundaries 
 
 of sin ; when shall I have a conscience void of offence 
 # 
 
 toward my good Lord, who daily heaps favors upon 
 me ! 
 
 Paid a sweet and solemn visit at J. D.'s. Oh ! that 
 I may walk worthy of these renewed seasons of mercy 
 and favor ; may I double my diligence, fight the good 
 fight of faith, and strive earnestly for the hope of the 
 Gospel, whilst it is held out in unmerited goodness to 
 me a poor backslider. 
 
 20th. — Reached Poole. Blessed be the Lord 'who 
 hath preserved my soul and body through many tribu- 
 lations and temptations and dangers, since I was last 
 here. Oh, my hardness of heart, not to be over- 
 come by his abundant long-sufiering and kindness, and 
 constrained to fall in with his designs respecting me, 
 which most assuredly are full of tenderness. 
 
 Tenth month, 29th. — I set out from Poole, for Lon- 
 don, with my beloved wife, who has of late been a 
 greater sufferer from illness, her complaint being 
 
202 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 thought inflammation of the lungs. At one time she 
 seemed brought near to the gates of death ; but she 
 was not taken from me, though I fear I deserved it. 
 The Lord omnipotent preserve us in faith and patience, 
 and content under all the provings He is pleased to 
 permit. Oh, how much have we to be thankful for ! 
 What great cause to live unto Him, who has thus 
 spared the rod in pity, and heard our cry. Many 
 vicissitudes my poor soul has had ; His dispensations 
 towards me have been wonderful, past all mention ! 
 
 Twelfth month, 25th. — Attended the London Quar- 
 terly Meeting, and was comforted^ The Lord will yet 
 help and redeem my poor spirit, if I earnestly look 
 unto Him always. I was dealt with in mercy this day, 
 both publicly and privately. 
 
 To S. A. 
 
 Cheltenham, 18th of Seventh month, 1822. 
 
 We have had an account of the decease of our be- 
 loved and valued friend, Charles Parker ; my fellow- 
 traveller, as I may call him, truly in more senses than 
 one; having had, as thou mayst remember, the privi- 
 lege of his company through Hampshire last autumn : 
 it affected us considerably. Past events connected 
 with him, dear and faithful man, were much revived 
 in my own mind ; and I thought much of him on the 
 day of the burial. I bless the Giver of all good that 
 I have sat under his ministry ; and I remember that 
 the tenor of it often was, the shortness and vanity of 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 203 
 
 earthly enjoyments and trials, the certainty and speed 
 of death, and the goodness and grace that visits and 
 would gather all unto God, the eternal excellency. 
 My soul is profitably instructed whilst I write ; and 
 that may be the best use of my writing to thee, my 
 dear, valued, and now ancient friend and brother, who 
 hast so often helped me to think of these things ; and 
 who, I fully trust and believe, art looking for, and 
 desiring at times, the winding up of all things that are 
 transitory and perishable. Oh ! that we who are young, 
 may so tread in the path of the just, that we may be 
 prepared to fill up the vacated seats in the militant 
 church, of those who are gone before, and who have 
 filled up their measure of enduring. As to my poor 
 self, if anything may be said, it should be but a mid- 
 dling account, — as hitherto, for a long season past ; 
 often surrounded with fears and failings, sensible of 
 short comings, and a pensioner on that forbearance 
 and pity, which is not enough (I feai) regarded and 
 remembered. Watchfulness unto that which is good, 
 seems to me the great thing in the work ; I am sensi- 
 ble we can thus only walk worthy of our vocation and 
 privileges. 
 
 To . 
 
 Penzance, Ninth month, 1822. 
 
 My beloved partner's present state is comparatively 
 very free from suffering, or from symptoms that cause 
 uneasiness. After eight months of vicissitude in Lon- 
 
204 LETTERS AND MEMOBANDTJMS 
 
 don, she was removed to Cheltenham, where she had 
 some drawbacks from the climate, which was cold and 
 changeable, also at Clifton where we rested. But, 
 through a merciful hand, by which she seemed directed 
 to a religious physician, she was soon so much relieved, 
 that we could set forward on our journey into Corn- 
 wall, being very anxious to do so ; though from the 
 severity of the attack, it seemed as if we should hardly 
 be able to winter here. I trust we are both holding 
 on our way, and partaking at times of the brook by 
 the way ; blessed be the great Name, the Giver of life, 
 and of all our many blessings ! We seem remarkably 
 resigned and prepared for whatever may be meted out ; 
 though we have our trials, and besetments, and infir- 
 mities. 
 
 On the 23d of Sixth month, 1823, my dearly-beloyed 
 partner passed away to her blessed eternal rest in the 
 Lord Jesus Christ, the beloved of her soul and her 
 Redeemer. On the 29th, the poor body was committed 
 to the earth, to return to the dust as it was. (She 
 died at Marazion, in Cornwall, and her remains were 
 interred in Friends' burying-ground at that place.) 
 At the grave's mouth I was strengthened to utter 
 these words in public, on bended knees : " Blessing, 
 glory, honor, thanksgiving and praise, be given unto 
 thee, ! Father of mercies, and God of all consola- 
 tion ! both for that thou hast given, and for that thou 
 hast taken into thy resting-place. Amen, ! Father, 
 for so it seemed good in thy sight : thy holy will be 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 205 
 
 done !" The Lord did marvellously regard and 
 strengthen me ; He will he my guide and refuge, even 
 to the end : surely he will, saith my soul. The Lord 
 doth daily help and comfort me ; he is with me, a poor 
 creature, and his strength is manifested in my abund- 
 ant weakness. He is my portion even forever. 
 
 IS 
 
206 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 Ninth month, 18th, 1823. — The sweet incomes of 
 Divine love this day, were such as made me very con- 
 templative, so as unusually to absorb my mind, espe- 
 cially whilst engaged in working in my garden. I 
 betook myself to a retired walk on the sea-shore to en- 
 joy the goodness of the Lord more quietly. The out- 
 ward beauty of the creation, and the calmness and 
 harmony of all things around, seemed in sweet unison 
 with the state of my soul. Oh ! how I longed to be 
 fully prepared for, and wholly made partaker of, the 
 joys of the blessed — of them who live to the Lord and 
 die in the Lord ! I have a hope that I am journeying 
 forward to this state. 
 
 Tenth month, 9th. — My poor mind has been much 
 under exercise since I left home, and more particularly 
 on one account; apprehending some pretty strong 
 drawings to stand up in a meeting and express a few 
 words. This was the case first at Truro, then at Fal- 
 mouth Monthly Meeting, and then in degree at the 
 Quarterly Meeting. But I trust it was not in dis- 
 disobedience that I forbore : many things seemed to 
 stand in my way. I desire not to be expecting great 
 things, but I long for clearness, and I believe I shall 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 207 
 
 be favored with it. The consideration of many infir- 
 mities, and in some sense unfaithfulness and want of 
 fitness for the work, aflFects me often ; hut I long that 
 it may not hinder the setting of my hand to what is 
 laid upon me to do. I believe there is nothing to be 
 done unless through a simple surrender and submis- 
 sion. I can fully believe that the Lord may call to 
 some who may have had no previous expectation of such a 
 call to service, which indeed is by no means my case. 
 One thing is worthy of commemoration — that whereas 
 I besought the Lord to be assured that such a thing 
 was required at my hands, He gave me evidently some 
 strong signs, in the frequent testimonies of his minis- 
 ters from meeting to meeting, even very closely urging 
 to faithfulness, so as almost literally to say, — " Thou 
 art the man." But though I could not gainsay, yet I did 
 not feel as though I had any very strong sense as to that 
 being the right time. For this I am now thankful ; 
 for, when the constraint was laid upon me afterwards, 
 not by man nor of man, I knew it to be of God, and 
 beyond any man's appointment, but a great cross to 
 my own nature, and under a sense of the Divine autho- 
 rity and presence. May the Lord God of salvation 
 and of mercy be pleased to show me the path of peace 
 and of joy ; and may he lift up His countenance and 
 light upon "ine, that I may see and do His will ! 
 
 At several opportunities, in company with two dear 
 Friends in the ministry who were visiting this ineeting, 
 I had a distinct sense of what was to be the service, 
 and what were the wants of the parties visited, — espe- 
 
208 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 cially was this the case in the public meeting held at 
 Redruth. At one family visit in this neighborhood, I 
 was sensible of the evident call and requiring of the 
 Lord to utter a few words, in addition to what dropped 
 from others, to the young people present, on this wise : 
 "And then you will find fulfilled in your own experi- 
 ence this language, as it hath abundantly been mine : 
 ' Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt re- 
 vive me ; though I walk in darkness, Thou, Lord ! 
 will be a light unto me ; though I pass through the 
 valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.' " 
 The weight and sweetness that dwelt on my mind 
 after this surrender, cannot be set forth. It rested on 
 my spirit all the day in an unutterable manner ; I felt 
 so comfortable and at ease in my mind ; it was a hea- 
 venly feeling, and nothing short of Him who is in hea- 
 ven could give it! At Wadebridge, in the public 
 meeting, I had to speak to the people, and in a way 
 remarkable to myself. In this and other service here- 
 after mentioned, I had, (praise be to the Lord ! who 
 turns the hearts, and influences his own simple ones,) 
 the countenance and encouragement of those who, I 
 believe, know the voice of the true Shepherd from 
 that of the stranger. This often humbles me greatly ; 
 for next to the answer of peace from God in my own 
 bosom, what I have desired has often been, the unity 
 of the church and the love of the brethren. 
 
 I went into Devonshire, and on my return home T 
 had something to say in the next meeting I attended 
 at Marazion ; also at one Monthly Meeting held at Fal- 
 
OP JOHN EAEOLAT. 209 
 
 mouth, on the true church ; and again, in the chamber 
 of a Friend, vho had been long an invalid : " Behold, 
 we count them happy which endure ;" take, my sister, 
 the prophets who have spoken unto us in the name of 
 the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction and pa- 
 tience : thou hast heard of the patience of Job, and hast 
 seen the end of the Lord, that he is very pitiful and 
 of tender mercy. Behold, we count them happy 
 which endure. It is a blessed thing, indeed, when 
 flesh and heart fail, to know God to be the strength 
 of our heart and our portion forever. God shall re- 
 deem thy soul from the power of the grave, for He 
 shall receive thee ! Thus my Master, my tender Fa- 
 ther and Teacher dealt with me, — and now, what should 
 I wait for but the continuance of his mercy and his light 
 to preserve and sustain me henceforth, even forever. 
 
 I may add, that it was evident to me that he who, 
 in simplicity, surrenders anything to the Lord which 
 in any wise seems called for, will not lose his reward ; 
 but will find his way to open and enlarge, his peace 
 extend, and he will know more and more of the re- 
 quirings and business of the Lord consigned to him ; 
 and the evidence and motions will often increase after 
 the will is resigned. Wonderful is the Lord's good- 
 ness to me from time to time, beyond words ! He 
 fiUeth me " with the finest of the wheat;" and he re- 
 vealeth unto me "the abundance of peace and truth." 
 How precious a season was our Quarterly Meeting 
 (14th- of First month, 1824,) held at Austle. Is 
 there anything too hard for the Lord ? " Call 
 18* 
 
210 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 unto me and I will answer thee, and show thee great 
 and mighty things which thou k'nowest not." 
 
 First month, 22d, 1824. — Under a feeling of great 
 discouragament at both meetings to-day, I trust my 
 mind was sensible where all-sufficient help lies, though 
 so little of this seemed manifested, or my soul so little 
 capable of enjoying it. 
 
 23d. — Found the overshadowing sweetness of Divine 
 mercy renewed to me this morning in a large degree ; 
 so that my soul seemed to receive it as a token and 
 foretaste of a more full fruition in a better state of 
 being. Blessed be the Lord, who can raise out of the 
 dust! 
 
 27th. — I thought I saw very clearly that it is 
 through obedience even in small matters, that our So- 
 ciety, in some respects, has attained, a standing be- 
 yond most: obedience is, indeed, a striking feature in 
 the Christian dispensation. 
 
 To . 
 
 Marazion, 12th of Eleventh month, 1824. 
 
 Dear , 
 
 I have heard scarce a word respecting thee for a 
 long time, but nevertheless I hold thee very preciously 
 before my view ; and thy humble waiting and walking 
 is often encouraging. I should be much pleased wast 
 thou inclined, in the freedom of old friendship, to sa- 
 lute me by letter at any time. Thou knowest not of 
 what service it might prove to me, and be made in 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 211 
 
 strumental to build me up in the most holy faith, as 
 heretofore used to be the case, when we were nearer in 
 the outward one to another, and at times blessed in 
 each other's society. I have a full persuasion, how- 
 ever varied our habits and however distance as to space 
 may have operated, together with other circumstances, 
 that we are under the speciaLkeepihg of the heavenly 
 Shepherd ; who can feed, and lead, and cause to lie 
 down, and will permit nothing to niake afraid, or to 
 scatter from his pasture of life and fold of eternal rest. 
 " My Father is greater than all," and none shall pluck 
 out of his hand those who keep near Him, and lean 
 upon Him. For he restoreth the soul, and leadeth inr 
 the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. So 
 that though we may have to walk through the valley 
 ■ of the shadow of death, we need fear no evil, — He is 
 with us, his rod and staff they comfort us. And when 
 he is pleased to anoint the head as with oil, does not 
 our cup flow over, and' are we not ready to cry out, — 
 " Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the 
 days of qiy life, and I will dwell in thy house for- 
 ever?" This is, I believe, at times thy experience, as 
 it is my own. Then for us the feeble ones, who may, 
 under discouraging apprehensions of our own state, be 
 walking fearfully along, as with our heads often hang- 
 ing down very low, and who may be said, in some 
 sense, to have answered the call of the Lord, as in Joel, 
 '' Turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with 
 fasting, with weeping, and with mourning," — even to 
 Buch the language will go forth, "Be glad and rejoice, 
 
212 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 for the Lord will do great things," "for the pastures of 
 the ■wilderness do spring, the fig-tree and the vine do 
 yield their strength ; and ye shall eat in plenty, and 
 be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, 
 that hath dealt wondrously with you : and my people 
 shall never be ashamed." 
 
 Truly in respect to these things that have happened 
 unto me, they have turned to the furtherance of the 
 work of His glory and grace, who doeth all things 
 well; and up to this day, through heights and depths, 
 my experience is consistent with the language, " The 
 right hand of the Lord is exalted, — the right hand of 
 the Lord doeth valiantly;" for though he cause grief, 
 yet hath he compassion, such as will carry through all. 
 The manifestations of Divine goodness and wisdom, 
 are indeed very great to the willing and attentive soul ; 
 and whilst there are seasons when we are not so sensi- 
 ble of them, others are vouchsafed, in which we cannot 
 doubt or fear but that as we continue the diligent and 
 patient followers of our crucified Master, we shall 
 reign with him in a glorious eternity of peace and joy. 
 My mind has been of late more or less, since the de- 
 cease or release of my beloved G., set on its treasure 
 in the heavens, which will never pass away; and I 
 have been assured, that if I continue in faith to the 
 end of my day, a place will be prepared for me ; it 
 seemed almost as if permitted by foretaste, to lay hold 
 of eternal life. Such views are very awful, yet very 
 sweet to me ; so that whether they are premonitory,' 
 or only admonitory, they have the effect of quickening 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 213 
 
 me in the duties of life, and of increasing my true en- 
 joyment therein. — " Work while it is day ;" for " this is 
 not your rest." Believe me, with warmth of affection, 
 thy friend, J. B. 
 
 Third month, 22d, 1824. — I desire, when the hour 
 of my departure draws nigh, to be clothed with faith 
 towards God, and with resignation to commit my dear 
 and only little one into His hand, who gave him trf 
 me: "leave thy fatherless children unto me;" "let 
 their widows also trust in me," " the Father of the 
 fatherless." 
 
 Fourth month, 2nd. — I was this day inclined to be- 
 lieve, as I have been often of late, that the bereave- 
 ment I iiave sustained in the loss of my tender part- 
 ner, was intended in a peculiar manner for my good. 
 I have been led to think, that as my dear wife was 
 given to me at a time when I greatly wanted a help- 
 meet ; and as she was one of a noble and a capacioiis 
 mind, inured to trouble and difficulty, able to counsel 
 and to assist me ; so when the time was come, for her 
 to show me how to pass through the dark valley, she 
 fulfilled the Divine will in a wonderful degree, as I 
 believe, by setting me an excellent example, through 
 ~Him who strengthened her, and -who bore up her 
 afflicted spirit through all that was permitted to assail. 
 Oh! it is often wonderful to me, to think how suddenly 
 at the last, she was summoned to take her leave of all 
 that was near and dear in this life, and how this was 
 accomplished ; so that there seemed no agitation or 
 
214 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 disquietude, but a holy magnanimity, a deep and solemn 
 reflecting on her condition, and a reverting to her only 
 hope of glory. And now I am left, with the image 
 [example] of a dear devoted child of God, my soul's 
 fellow, often brought before me ; to show me how to 
 lay down th-ese shackles, how to put off this outward 
 man, and yield up my spirit to my God and her God ! 
 How strongly has the uncertainty of my continuance 
 in life been before me ; and strong have been my hope 
 and humble assurance, that mercy will compass me 
 about, and that the rest and portion of the righteous 
 will be mine. I am ready to say, that those that come 
 after me, will be helped, as I have been ; at least in 
 proportion as they follow the Lord's leadings : for this 
 has truly been my inexpressible desire and comfort ; 
 and such will never be forsaken. 
 
 London, Fifth month, 11th. — ^^I have had many bright 
 seasons, much assurance and earnest of a better state, 
 as I have walked by the way, and as I have been on 
 my bed. "In all their afflictions," it is said, "He was 
 afflicted; and the angel of his presence saved them." 
 This language has been fulfilled towards me, and to- 
 wards my dear deceased partner; and those that come 
 after me will find, to their unspeakable support and 
 consolation, that the same Divine Being is rich toward 
 all that call upon him : if faithful, " this God will be 
 their God forever and ever; he will be their guide 
 3ven unto death." 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 215 
 
 To 
 
 Kussel Square, 21at of Sixth month, 1824. 
 
 My dear friend, 
 
 It is pleasant to salute thee thus, and to remember 
 thee from time to time, as a brother and companion 
 m the heavenly way and warfare, striving together 
 with me for. an increase of strength and wisdom, to 
 enable us to stand stedfast, immoveable, and abound- 
 ing in the work appointed us. I trust, that as the cir- 
 cumstances of trial and distress, which were on this 
 very day last year, consummated in the release of my 
 dear wife, and of which my mind feels often keenly 
 sensible, were all turned to an unspeakable account 
 and benefit, especially with regard to myself; so the 
 precarious delicate state of my own health for some 
 time past, has operated, and does continue to operate 
 advantageously on the better part ; and although in 
 this visit to London, I may have been deprive^ of 
 many seasons and showers of Divine good, there has 
 been no want of the care and safe guidance of that 
 invisible hand of Him whose visitations uphold or pre- 
 serve the spirit, and whose comforts delight the soul. 
 
 Seventh month, 16th. — So far recovered (from illness 
 
 in London) as to go to C . The Lord Almighty 
 
 was eminently near me, by support and help in the 
 needful hour, and through, days and nights of tedious 
 ailing and irritation; my situation often caused many 
 tears in my retirement, but the Lord was near and 
 
216 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 comforted me, and helped me to gratitude as well as 
 acquiescence : my tears were often turned into tears 
 of joy. Much have I thought in my distresses of that 
 sweet answer of my dear partner, which she quickly 
 and smilingly gave me, when in great depression, oh- 
 serving a sparrow on the house-top, opposite to her 
 window, I said, " Like a sparrow alone on the house- 
 top ;" she replied, — "Not one of them forgotten before 
 God:" I find it so to my unspeakable consolation in 
 low seasons. And I think, since my trials and be- 
 reavement, that more of the consolations of Christ are 
 poured into my soul, than used to be the case. Many 
 have been the blessings shed on me abundantly in this 
 tedious, though short confinement. May the Lord 
 have the honor and praise, not only now, but for ever- 
 more ! 
 
 17th. — We.it out to ride with ; a sweet day! 
 
 What a change from my sick room and sofa and the 
 smoky city, to the extensive prospects on the Downs, 
 and the richness of nature's verdure. Was engaged 
 
 in conversation with : I feel an interest in young 
 
 invalids. 0! that the ends of Providence may be an- 
 swered in them, and in me also ; then all will be well. 
 These light afflictions ; — what a moment do they last, 
 when compared with the rich eternal recompense, re- 
 served for those that commit the keeping of their souls 
 in patient well-doing unto a faithful Creator. 
 
 18th. — First-day; at Croydon meetings. I had a 
 Bweet night of pouring forth of the heart unto the 
 Most High. " I will cry unto God Most High, unto 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 217 
 
 God that performeth all things for me !" Floods of 
 tears, — tears of joj, because the Lord God sees me, 
 and hath mercy on me. I had reference to my forlorn 
 state and to the circumstance of my late afflictive be- 
 reavement ; and I had a wonderful evidence that the 
 Lord would be all in all to me, as he had been to my 
 beloved partner. 
 
 25th. — First-day. Went to Gracechurch Street 
 meeting, and had my mouth opened by the Lord. ! 
 the peace — the rich flow of it in my bosom, at dear P. 
 B.'s, after dinner; the Lord was with me: melting 
 sweetness came over me in again giving up to express 
 these and other words, " This God is our God forever 
 and ever; he will be our guide even unto death." 
 
 [In a letter to a person under serious convictions, — 
 he wrote :] 
 
 To M. B. 
 
 In taking up my pen to reply to thy letter, I have 
 felt the occasion to be no small trial of my little mea- 
 sure of faith, and have desired greatly, to be preserved 
 in that pure and precious fear, which is said to be the 
 very "beginning of wisdom," — to have my own mind 
 renewedly subjected to, and seasoned by, and stayed 
 upon, that which can alone enable me availingly to lift 
 up a finger in the cause of Truth. I may tell thee, 
 that I have had no little experience of the long-suffering 
 loving-kindness that has followed and been with me, 
 even as long as I can remember, unto this day; through 
 19 
 
218 lETTEilS AND MEMOEANDtMS 
 
 many difficulties, discouragements, dangers, distresses, 
 and what if I add deaths, (for he that liveth in plea- 
 sure is dead while he liveth.) When it pleased Him, 
 whom to know is life eternal, to reveal his Son in me, 
 (for " no man knoweth the Father but the Son, and 
 he to whomsoever the Son will reveal him,") — when it 
 pleased Him, in whom are hid all the treasures of wis- 
 dom and knowledge, to give me an understanding that 
 I might know Him that is true, then it was I was given 
 to see that " God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace 
 . to the humble," — that "the secret of the Lord is with 
 them that fear him, and he will show them his cove- 
 nant, — the meek also will he guide in judgment, and 
 the meek he will teach his way." But I found that' 
 these things were and are hid from the wise and pru- 
 dent of this world, and that the Scribes and Pharisees 
 of this day, as in old time, are spoken unto in .para- 
 bles ; because they looking see not, and listening hear 
 not, neither do they understand ; so also they ask and 
 receive not, for the same reason, even because they ask 
 amiss ; and they look with that eye of reason wliich 
 can never see, and listen with that ear of pride, preju- 
 dice or passion, which is shut out from any capacity to 
 hear the things which God hath prepared for them that 
 seek him. So that of all things I was very- solicitous, 
 that I might have mine eye rightly anointed with the 
 eye-salve of the kingdom, and be sent to the pool of 
 Siloam ; for I met with many whose eyes had been 
 touched, and they seemed satisfied with seeing men 
 only as trees walking, and others who, not havin" 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 219 
 
 known the scales of mistaken zeal removed from their 
 eyes, were going about seeking some one to lead them 
 by the hand. But surely blessed are the eyes that see 
 things as they really are, in regard to religious truths, 
 and those ears that hear, and who hearing, obey Him 
 that speaketh from heaven ; these I considered to be 
 the babes, to whom these truths are revealed, and to 
 whom it is given to know the mysteries of the king- 
 dom ; whose ears are not dull of hearing, nor their 
 eyes have they closed, neither have they hardened their 
 hearts ; nor are they the stiff-necked generation, that 
 do always resist the Holy Ghost: but unto them is 
 given the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the know- 
 ledge of Jesus Christ, the eyes of their understanding 
 being enlightened by Him, who said, " I am the light 
 of the world," and who told his disciples that he would 
 be with them even to the end of the world. 
 
 Now mark, my friend, no sooner did the enemy of 
 my soul's peace and welfare perceive that his power of 
 darkness was broken in upon, by the dawning of the 
 day-spring from on high, and that he, the god of this 
 world, could no longer keep me in blindness and bon- 
 dage to himself, and thus prevent the light of the glo- 
 rious gospel of Christ from effectually and availingly 
 shining in my heart, than he, as it were, assumed the 
 appearance of an angel of light ; and thus he laid a 
 more subtle snare and gilded bait for my poor weary 
 soul, than even I had known before. For the unwea- 
 ried adversary observing, that through the precious 
 powerful visitation of the Almighty, my mind was 
 
220- lETTEKS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 quickened and awakened to a lively sense of the ex- 
 ceeding sinfulness of sin, began himself to set me at 
 ■work to recover from it ; which indeed can only be be- 
 gun, carried on, and accomplished by God, through faith 
 in the operation of the Spirit of his Son, Jesus Christ, 
 who remains to be the only Sacrifice for sin, and Saviour " 
 from sin, and sanctifier of sinners. And now being 
 little by little led and enticed to try, in my own will, 
 wisdom and way, to get to heaven, and having let in 
 the reasoner, the serpent, in this his refined transfer-- 
 mation, I soon forgot that it is not to be attained by 
 works of righteousness, which we can do or have done 
 in our own creaturely ability, strength and activity, 
 but by an unreserved and simple submission to the 
 forming hand of Him who made aril things good in the 
 beginning, and who can alone restore and bring back 
 man into the holy heavenly image in which he was 
 created. So that instead of being created in Christ 
 Jesus unto good works, I, having the understanding 
 darkened, and being alienated, in some degree, from 
 the life of God, became vain in mj imagination ; and 
 my foolish heart would be exercising itself in things 
 too high for me in my present growth ; and busying 
 itself and wearying itself with my own conceivings, 
 speaking evil, or at least thinking lightly of things, 
 which as yet I knew not. Thus, though I professed 
 myself wise in the knowledge of religious truths, I 
 became foolish. For all the fine show of doctrines 
 and of duties, and of ordinances, and of prayers in 
 the market places, and as it were in the corners of the 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAT. 221 
 
 'Streets, and in the synagogues, and the giving of one's 
 body to be burnt, and one's goods to the poor, or such 
 of these great performances as were not the product 
 of His holy aid and influence renewedly extended in 
 ■the time of need, — were found to be but at best a 
 hinderance to the free course of that well-spring and 
 water of life, which had been opened within me. Al- 
 though through the delusion and deceit of the enemy, 
 I was thus tempted to build a very Babel of doctrines, 
 ■heaping up scripture upon scripture, text upon text, to 
 support my fabric of confusion ; and although I was 
 very zealous in searching into these things in my own 
 spirit and strength, (notwithstanding it is written, "No 
 man knoweth the things of God, but by the Spirit of 
 God," and no man can rightly and really own Jesus to 
 be the Lord, but by his Holy Spirit ;) — yet in the midst 
 of all this departure from the Fountain of living waters, 
 and this hewing out broken cisterns, that cannot receive 
 or retain the water of life, I was not altogether left 
 desolate ; but the Lord regarded the integrity of my 
 heart towards Him, even in those very performances 
 and high profession, which displeased Him. Again 
 and again He was pleased, in unutterable mercy, to 
 make known unto me that way, which He would have 
 his single-hearted, simple, lowly babes to walk in : — 
 no galley with oars, neither gallant ships could pass 
 that way ; — nothing that was high or lofty, or lifted 
 up, however secretly, in its own estimation, — nothing 
 of self, or of that wisdom which is foolishness -with 
 God, and which he will utterly confound and destroy, 
 19* 
 
222 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 and by ■which the world never knew neither can know 
 Him. I found all my own strivings, and the strugglings 
 of the will of the creature, could not carry me one step 
 forward in the narrow way ; neither was I able by 
 taking thought to add one cubit to my stature in a re- 
 ligious sense ; for I then saw it was not of him that 
 willeth, neither of him that runneth, but of God and 
 his grace, that cast up day by day the holy highway 
 before my view, — giving me the strength sufficient, and 
 the sustenance that was meet, and that degree of satis- 
 faction, in regard to religious truths, which was best 
 for me. And in that day, as also even to this very 
 hour, the language often was to me, — " I have yet 
 many things to. say unto thee, but thou canst not bear 
 them now." But as I came from the feet of Gamaliel, 
 to sit with Mary at the feet of Jesus, and to be taught 
 by Him in his inward and spiritual appearance, (who 
 is said to be the wisdom of God, and teacheth as never 
 man taught, speaking with authority and not as the 
 Scribes,) — I found that this Minister of ministers did 
 more for me as to the true and saving knoT/ledge of 
 Himself, and the things relating to his kingdom, than 
 any man or book whatever. He (as his servnnt the 
 apostle Paul said) fed me with milk ; and as I grew to 
 riper years, in a spiritual sense, he gave me stronger 
 meat. I found Him no hai'd master, nor austere man, 
 requiring more of me than He had given strength to 
 perform. In this humble, simple state, restiijg in the 
 Lord, and waiting patiently for him, — not stirring up 
 nor attempting to awake Him whom my soul loved be- 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAT. 223 
 
 fore he pleased, — not desiring to have everything all 
 at once cleared up before my view, — not seeking great 
 things for myself in any sense, — ^but only longing for 
 a seat, if it might be the very lowest at his spiritual 
 supper, or even to partake of the crumbs that might 
 fall from his table, — willing also to fast long, if it so 
 pleased Him, until the times of refreshing should come 
 from his presence, — how was and is my safety, my sure 
 standing, my strength, my salvation, known and felt 
 to be wrought out, even with fear and trembling. For 
 here in this lowly valley, where self was of no reputa- 
 tion, and the bleak gales passed over, and cut not the 
 tender plant, the quiet habitation was known, the still 
 small voice was distinctly heard, which said, "This is 
 the way, walk in it." I then knew my peace made and 
 daily kept ; even a holy assurance was given me, a holy 
 confidence and repose, as in the arms of a faithful 
 Creator, — agreeably to the language of the prophet, 
 " Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is 
 stayed on thee." Here was communion and union with 
 the Father and Fountain of mercies experienced ; joy 
 such as no man could take from me ; a peace which 
 passeth the natural understanding, and a holy heavenly 
 fellowship as with the just of all generations". Here I 
 could call God Father, because he had sent forth the 
 Spirit of his Son into my heart, and I had received 
 the spirit of adoption, whereby I could cry, Abba, , 
 Father. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, 
 they are his sons. How precious is this passive, pa- 
 tient, submissive state of mind,— a giving up of all into 
 
224 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 His holy care and keeping, — a resigning of our own 
 wills, wisdom, and the workings of our own spirits and 
 nature, to he melted down, and moulded into accord- 
 ance with His divine and glorious nature and image. 
 Thus are we alone true witnesses and partakers of the 
 first resurrection,^over such the second death hath no 
 power; that part in us which is to die heing crucified, 
 dead, and buried, according to the apostle's testimony, 
 where he says, " Knowing this, that our old man is 
 crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be de- 
 stroyed, that henceforth we should nbt serve sin." How 
 clearly, even with unclouded clearnesSj were things 
 opened to me whilst in this state and condition; or 
 rather how was my mind prepared and qualified 
 (through a being clothed with humility, and the meek 
 and quiet spirit, and by a daily waiting on the Lord 
 for a renewal of spiritual strength,) to comprehend, 
 apply, and attain unto the blessed commandments, in- 
 junctions and instructions left on record in the Scrip- 
 tures of Tj uth. The Psalmist said to this effect : " Open 
 thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out 
 of thy law ;" — a proof he needed this best aid, or we 
 may supptise he would not have thus supplicated. 
 Now the divine law was to be written on the heart and 
 put into the inward parts, under the gospel dispensa- 
 tion ; and flolomon says, " The law is light ;" and we 
 , read that " whatsoever maketh manifest, is light ;" so 
 that according to Scripture, we have light sown in the 
 heart, unto which if we attend, it will manifest dark- 
 ness and tb<8 works of darkness, and reprove them ;- ~ 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 225 
 
 and this, vre read, is to be the law under the new cove- 
 nant. Then, as I gave up, and was prevailed upon to 
 jiel#unto the enlivening, operative influence of this 
 inward principle, it came to work out the evil, and lea- 
 ven the heart more and more into its own pure nature ; 
 so that instead of the light within me becoming dark- 
 ness, my path seemed like that of the just man, which 
 shineth more and more unto the perfect day. 
 
 Whatever profession we make among men, we must 
 serve the Lord in newness of life, and be born again — 
 born of the Spirit — for the carnal mind is enmity 
 against God, and without holiness no man can see God 
 or his kingdom, (which is " righteousness, peace, and 
 joy in the Holy Ghost;") neither can he enter there- 
 in ; however high the profession, yet so much the 
 greater may be the condemnation. I have felt it to be 
 a very awful consideration, my friend, that the enemy 
 of our soul's eternal welfare, hunts for the precious 
 life, the substance and root of religion. If he can eat 
 that out — ^if he can deprive us of that, though our 
 "branches of profession be spread forth as Lebanon, we 
 shall be cut down, and cast into the fire, as a tree that 
 cumbereth the ground of God's vineyard. He, even 
 the enemy, cares not how busy and eager we are in 
 what we may be pleased to think is religion, and to 
 call so ; and though we may hold the doctrines of the 
 very apostles and primitive Christians, yet he knows 
 very well that a man's creed being scriptural and correct, 
 is no certain criterion or proof whereby to judge what 
 spirit it is that rules^ him. _ For we read that the very 
 
226 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 devils believe and tremble ; and they could easily cry 
 out, in the days of our Saviour's appearance in the 
 flesh, " Thou art Christ the Son of God ;" and again, 
 " I know thee who thou art, the Holy One of God." 
 But Jesus rebuking them, suiFered them not to speak ; 
 because, no doubt, their testimony of him, though 
 given in respect to the matter of fact which they de- 
 clared, was as it were a lie in their mouths, — agreea- 
 bly to what Jeremiah says, " Though they (wicked 
 men) say, the Lord liveth, yet verily they swear 
 falsely." And we see in the account of our Saviour's 
 temptation in the wilderness, how aptly Satan could 
 quote Scripture and bring texts to support his own 
 vile purposes. Now, we may remember, that when 
 Peter confessed and said, "Thou art Christ, the Son 
 of the living God," Jesus answered and said unto him, 
 " Blessed art thou, — for flesh and blood hath not re- 
 vealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in hea- 
 ven." Here was an acknowledgment and profession, 
 arising out of and flowing from a measure of the true, 
 living, operative faith, which works by love to the pu- 
 rifying of the heart and life. Here was something 
 more — something far beyond a mere hewing out of 
 systems of faith, and holding them merely in the dead 
 notion in the will of the creature. Few follow or feel 
 after the spiritual guide or leader, which is Christ 
 Jesus in his inward and spiritual appearance ; who 
 said, " I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to 
 you ;" and who further promised that He would mani- 
 fest himself unto such as loved him ; and that those 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 227 
 
 ■who folloTved Him, (who is the Light of the world,) 
 should not walk in darkness, but should have the light 
 of life. 
 
 It is indeed the Spirit of Truth that can alone lead 
 us into all truth ; and it is the Spirit which quicken- 
 eth, for the flesh, and all that the creature can do by- 
 its own strivings and stirrings, profiteth nothing in the 
 work of God ; and the spirit of man, as well as the 
 w^ath of man, cannot work the righteousness of God, 
 but hinders and obstructs it greatly. Now, the Lord 
 Jesus Christ, the Lord from heaven, is that quickening 
 Spirit who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life ; whom 
 the world cannot receive, (nor those that are in the 
 spirit of the world,) because it seeth him not, neither 
 knoweth him ; but to those that leave all, and are will- 
 ing to deny themselves and renounce this world's spi- 
 rit, and follow Him in the regeneration, the blessed 
 promise and assurance is — " He dwelleth with you, 
 and shall be in you." "I am the living bread," said 
 Christ ; " he that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my 
 blood, dwelleth in me, and I in him ;" such spiritual 
 communicants know Christ in them their hope of glory ; 
 and thus are they built up and elected in Him, the 
 corner-stone, elect and precious. 
 
 We also own all that the Scriptures speak of re- 
 specting His most satisfactory sacrifice, and that He 
 tasted death for every man, purchased eternal redemp- 
 tion for us, and that " through this man is preached 
 by us the forgiveness of sins." None are saved but 
 
228 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 by and through Him; for we are reconciled to God by 
 the death of his Son, and thereby put into a capacity 
 to lay hold of that salvation which is freely offered, on 
 condition that we repent and believe. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 229 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 [In the autum of this year, 1824, he visited Mal- 
 vern for the benefit of his health.] 
 
 Ninth month, 9th, 1824. — At Worcester meeting. 
 The Lord gave me some service in a private way these 
 
 two days, though at L Iwas much shut up. There is 
 
 cause to remember how my mind was opened and en- 
 livened at this time, in a feeling of the good Hand 
 that had been over me in days that were long passed; 
 and how I was enabled to recount to others the mer- 
 cies that had been granted, and many deliverances 
 which the right hand of the Most High had wrought 
 for me. Surely He is ever worthy to be honored and 
 served ! 
 
 In meeting this day my poor soul was constrained, 
 in the powerful feeling of gospel love, to manifest, by 
 a public exhortation and testimony, my allegiance to 
 my God. The peace that flowed was very precious ; 
 my soul would have been content to praise Him the 
 Giver in secret, had this been all that was required. 
 But I must bow down before the Lord, which I was 
 enabled to do in much resignedness and holy fear — 
 craving earnestly the continued favor and preserva- 
 20 
 
230 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 tion of the Almighty on behalf of the visited ones ; the 
 savour of the precious life vouchsafed, remains freshly 
 ■with me. Thus did my visit close in this part of the 
 heritage, to my humble admiration at the gqodness of 
 the Lord. 
 
 Twelfth month, 20th.— -This . day, as during many 
 others of late, the gospel light has risen in me with 
 much and indescribable strength ; so that my poor ves- 
 sel has seemed too full to contain, and I have been 
 ready to pray that the oil might be stayed. I have 
 thought much of the language uttered by a worthy an- 
 cient — " The Spirit that now rules in me, shall yet 
 break forth in thousands.", I have fully seen and 
 beenassured that the gospel day shall rise higher and 
 higher upon the faithful : and with regard to my poor^ 
 soul, that the Lord, whom I am concerned to serve and 
 trust in, will carry me through even to the end. The 
 Lord, be magnified, and He only, — whether by life or 
 death. 
 
 To J. P. M. 
 
 Marazion, 24th of First month, 1825. . 
 My beloved friend : 
 
 The hearing of your late bereavement has affected 
 my heart; but to hear that you are, or have been, 
 supported in calmness, is no surprise. Nor do I think 
 to add anything to this gift and qualification, — a re- 
 signedness to do and suffer whatever is, in the ordering 
 of the Divine will, meted out as your lot in life. But 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 231 
 
 as we may be animated and comforted by the mutual 
 faith one of another, it seems as though it would be so 
 to me to address thee at this time, even in the love of 
 our common Father, who brought us acquainted with 
 each other, and who knit us together in his blessed fel- 
 lowship, and hath preserved us in the Truth to this 
 day, so that we are members one of another. I am 
 persuaded that nothing shall be permitted to shake 
 our faith, or separate us from his love, as we con- 
 tinue to be concerned to cleave to it, in the heights as 
 in the depths ; but that in the end we shall be more 
 than conquerors through Him who gave himself for us, 
 and is very tender of us. And though we are ap- 
 pointed unto such afflictions, there is a time when the 
 eye of the soul can see in these far more of the com- 
 passions that fail not, and of the gentle leadings of 
 the Shepherd of Israel, than in seasons of prosperity 
 and ease. It is in these afflictions that we see how, in 
 love and in pity. He redeems, bearing the lambs as 
 ever in His bosom ; so that under a sense of these 
 things, we are constrained, like the prophet, to " make 
 mention of the loving-kindnesses of the Lord and his 
 praises, according to all that the Lord hath bestowed 
 on us, and His great goodness." Dearly beloved, 
 what a fine thing it is to be able to look beyond all 
 outward things, and to feel that our rest is not in this 
 frail, passing scene, but that we are bound for a glo- 
 rious state, and are continually wrestling for an ad- 
 vancement in the way which leads to it. None of the 
 tribulations we meet with can then move us away from 
 
232 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 the joyful hope set before us, nor deprive us of that 
 upon ■which alone we can place our hearts. This ia 
 the language and experience of the faithful in all ages, 
 and what is taught the least scholar in the school of 
 Christ. And though there may be many, many sea- 
 sons when we cannot sensibly get at this measure of 
 experience ; yet the lowest, smallest grain of true faith 
 that was ever yet permitted or dispensed to the up- 
 right, brings with it a sufficient " evidence of things 
 not seen," to support and preserve from condemnation 
 and despair. 
 
 Many, no doubt, continue to be thy discouragements, 
 independent of this late source of trial. ! dear bro- 
 ther, be animated, — ^put on strength in the name of 
 the Most High God, who is surely with thee, and will 
 help thee, in every hour of need, and enable thee to 
 rise over all that would keep thee down, — over all that 
 would oppress his own precious life in thee. There is 
 work for such as thou art, up and down in the earth, 
 and in this part too, where there is much seed sown, 
 and in ground prepared for its reception. I hope you 
 and others often strengthen one another's hands in 
 the Lord, and in his work and service ; for the time 
 is short at the longest, and it is good to work while the 
 day lasts, and to glorify the great Name in the way of 
 his own leadings, on which his blessing abundantly 
 rests as ever ! Ah ! what can we render unto or do 
 for Him who hath done so much for us ! 
 
 With my dear love, from thy old and true friend, 
 
 J. B. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 233 
 
 To 
 
 Marazion, 8th of Second month, 1825. 
 
 Dear tried souls, 
 
 Cast down, but yet not forsaken, nor forgotten, but 
 rather highly favored, and under the peculiar care and 
 preservation of the Shepherd of the flock, — my soul 
 salutes you. Oh ! think you in any hour of deep plung- 
 ing, that a hair of your head, (figuratively speaking,) 
 shall be singed in the fiery furnace, — or that they are 
 not all numbered, or that your tears are not treasured 
 up in His bottle, — put; into his book, — that they do 
 not come up continually before Him as a memorial ! 
 Surely His wonderful, unsearchable purposes and wis- 
 dom, shall be all duly accomplished; and his dealings 
 will be found to have been in loving kindness, in ten- 
 derest mercy. Be then animated afresh to commit all 
 into his hands, to resign yourselves again and again 
 unreservedly ; retaining nothing but the desire to do 
 and to be what He would have you, and to suffer all 
 that He has or may permit, or purpose for you to pass 
 through. Oh ! then, with what invincible meekness 
 and patience and long-suffering, will you be endued ; 
 then nothing will be impossible to you, all things will 
 be made sweet ; your goings forth be even prepared 
 like the morning, and all the way cast up clear before 
 you ; and abundance of peace will be your crown and 
 portion forever. But do I only say this ; do you not 
 know it at times ; and are not his promises steadfast, 
 and his covenant sure ? Will He forsake those that 
 20* 
 
.234 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 seek to serve and please him, or forget the cry of the 
 aflSicted and the bowed down soul ? "I am the Lord ; 
 I change not ; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not con- 
 sumed." Whatever may be the turnings or over- 
 turnings of His holy hand, may He have all the glory 
 in your entire dedication ; and then no heights or 
 depths will be able to separate you, or to shake your 
 faith ; nor will you in any hour rest unduly by the 
 way in any attainments, but aspire after the further 
 manifestations of His holy will and power ; that so you 
 may prove a blessing to many upon His earth, while 
 ripening and brightening for a better world. I know 
 not whether we may meet, yea or nay, in this state of 
 being ; if not, be it so : but let us struggle on, let us 
 be willing to endure all things. Be valiant in suffer- 
 ing ; it is far beyond all service, to be made willing to 
 partake of deaths oft, as a great apostle ; and to be 
 conformed to the image of the dear Son — the Lamb 
 that wa« slain, to suffer with him, that we may be 
 clothed and crowned with his glory. J. B. 
 
 [It was in the Fourth month of this year, 1825, that 
 he was acknowledged a minister by the Monthly Meet 
 ing of the West Division of Cornwall.] 
 
 To L. A. B. 
 
 Bradpole, 29th of Fourfi month, 1825. 
 My dear L., 
 
 When we think what unworthy creatures we are, 
 even at the best, and how goodness and mercy follow 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 235 
 
 US, sustaining us under our trials, and turning them 
 all to our good, we have surely great occasion to lay 
 hold of hope, to take fresh courage, to put on strength, 
 and be armed with patience, cheerful submission, and 
 full assurance of faith for the time to come. My 
 mind seems equal to very little beyond my more im- 
 mediate calling, and when not so engaged, it feels as 
 poor, weak, and empty, as ever I have known to be 
 -the case. Oh ! what a comfort from time to time to 
 feel the Lord with me, strengthening me and prosper- 
 ing his work in my hands, again .and again, to my 
 humbling admiration at the power of his might, the 
 excellency of his loving-kindness and his grace. It 
 has more than once struck me forcibly, that if this 
 work be of the Lord, and I be engaged in it according 
 to his will, some that have been concerned to strengthen 
 my weak hands, will participate in the division of the 
 spoil, that is, in the earnest of the reward of the 
 faithful. These who have given the cup of cold water, 
 have done what they could ; and what they have done 
 in simplicity, on behalf of the poor servant, it is 
 esteemed as done to the Master himself; though they 
 may be ready to say, " When saw we thee in prison," 
 etc. 
 
 To L. A. B. 
 
 2d of Fifth month, 1825, 
 
 Having been helped to get over another mountain 
 in the attendance of this meeting yesterday, and hav- 
 ing been favored to wrestle and struggle with the 
 
236 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDUMS 
 
 powers of darkness, and to suffer with a suffering seed 
 in this "desolate region, my heart feels comparatively 
 light, hoping that I stand acquitted of the blood of 
 some, and that through deep suffering, — yea, wading 
 of spirit, the good cause has been espoused in some 
 • sort, hoATever feebly, and the way of life set forth; in 
 abundant condescension, I was favored to get along 
 safely, without, I trust, stumbling ; though truly it 
 was hard work. Oh ! the lethargy, the lifeless, luke- 
 warm condition of many : no hunger or thirst, no 
 sense of eternal things, no relish for heavenly good- 
 ness ; and such as are otherwise, sunk into a low, dis- 
 couraged, dying state. Yet even here, the spark of 
 divine love is not wholly extinct and taken away; but 
 the Lord is waiting to be gracious, his repentings 
 kindled together, and his pleading voice to be heard, 
 " Why will ye die ?" I conclude, if it be his good 
 pleasure, that this place be favored with those profess^ 
 ing the pure spiritual way of Truth, there wiU yet be 
 preserved a hidden remnant, who will not be utterly 
 given over, nor give over the pure Truth to utter re- 
 proach; but in their measure, or according to the 
 light received, will glorify, however imperfectly, the 
 great Name ! 
 
 Thou wilt feel tenderly for me : but I have been 
 helped, so that I can say, the Lord has been sufficient 
 for me in this great time of need and stress upon my 
 mind and feelings. I know not in the retrospect and 
 amidst all the reflections that have been brought be- 
 fore me, that there has been any other than a peaceful 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAT. 237 
 
 satisfaction respecting the past, mixed with much oc- 
 casion for gratitude, in considering how beautifully 
 and wonderfully I have been dealt with, led about and 
 instructed, kept from utterly perishing, amply pro- 
 vided for and sustained hitherto ; favored also with 
 ability at times to trust that all will be well with me 
 and mine, so long as we continue to seek and serve so 
 good a Master, who will never try us above our strength, 
 
 nor afflict us willingly. At , I called on a 
 
 Friend, and had a refreshing little opportunity of 
 handing encouragement to himself and wife ; heavenly 
 goodness seemed near us. Oh ! the work is very 
 weighty, and the trials thereof are many ; but the 
 Lord is sufficient, as he is trusted in. I have not an 
 anxious, thought about you at home: I know who will 
 watch over you, and help you every way ; only let not 
 the tempter discourage you ; for it is the Master that 
 says, " Fear not, little flock ;" — " Be of good cheer ;" 
 " Be strong," yea, be strong. Thy very affectionate 
 brother, • J. B. 
 
 To P. H. G. 
 
 Sixth month. 1825. 
 
 After a considerable space of intervening time, I 
 take my pen to salute thee, though scarce knowing in 
 ■;vhat circumstances this may find thee. If the best 
 of us are but in the land of the living, partakers of 
 life invisible and divine, how much have we to be 
 thankful for, — how much to answer for! Whenever 
 
238 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 I address thee, my dear cousin, in this way, the slen« 
 der tenure we each have of all things here below, 
 seems to recur to my thoughts ; with earnest desires 
 that my own state of mind and conduct, may increas- 
 ingly be moulded to the image of the heavenly Pattern, 
 and so be prepared to meet Him at His coming : who 
 cometh in one sense as a thief in the night. But sel- 
 dom have I known the evidences of divine peace and 
 favor so veiled from me, I think, as at times since 
 publicly engaged in this awful line of the ministry. 
 To thee, I need not expand my views by much expres- 
 sion hereon ; no .doubt, thou hast known for many 
 years, the dealings of inscrutable Wisdom, and the 
 discipline of heavenly love and mercy, in strippings, 
 in tossings, in wadings of the poor spirit ; nor will it 
 surprise thee, should I say, that sometimes it is so 
 with me, that I seem pressed out of measure, so as 
 to despair of even the outward life, as well as that 
 which is described as being " hid with Christ in God." 
 Marvellous goodness however hath provided all things 
 well for me outwardly and inwardly, especially during 
 my deeply proving prospects and journey ; I have, as 
 I suppose thou hast heard, taken meetings in Devon, 
 Dorset, and Hants, on my way to the Yearly Meeting, 
 and being likely to take the remaining ones in those 
 counties, with one or two in Surrey, as I return, after 
 attending the six London Monthly Meetings. This last 
 is to me in prospect crucifying, beyond what I can 
 express, especially as I have believed it best to go 
 single-handed. 
 
OF JOHN EAKCLAY. 239 
 
 10th. — At night, under great anguish of spirit, I 
 wrote as fullows, my heart being turned towards the 
 Lord : 
 
 God, ninst holy, and almighty, all wise and gra- 
 cious, — regard me with thy pitying eye ; spare me, 
 help me, save me in this depth of need, which thou 
 only knowest, is beyond words. Deliver and preserve 
 me to the end, and through all that which may in thy 
 wisdom be permitted. Haste thee to help me, 0, my 
 God ! my all ! Let not my cruel enemy devour me ; 
 let not thy Truth be dishonored by me ; conduct me 
 safely, and, if it be best, speedily, to my everlasting 
 rest with thee and with thy Son. Amen ! Ameu ! 
 
 To L. A. B. 
 
 15th of Sixth month, 1825. 
 
 On the 7th, I attended Devonshire House Monthly 
 Meeting, and on the 8th that of Grace Street ; in 
 both which I had to declare the excellency of that 
 spiritual dispensation committed to us. What arduous 
 work it is to minister, where the attention and desire 
 of those present is very outward after words. The 
 extent of my wadings and exercises no one knows but 
 the great Master ; they have been various and abun- 
 dant indeed, since the Yearly Meeting ; the discourage- 
 ment of the day I have never seen so deeply before, 
 though I am not blind to the encouraging features. 
 How short are we of what the Lord would do fcr us 
 
240 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 as a people, were we only simple, sincere, plain, hum- 
 ble enough ! If we go on but as we do, I fear, not- 
 withstanding all that is stirring, we shall as a Society 
 be weaker than we now are. 
 
 On First-day evening, after due deliberation, (which 
 indeed had been going on in my mind many days, 
 being much exhausted in powers, both of body and 
 mind,) I concluded it best to suspend all further pro- 
 ceeding, with regard to visiting meetings in this city. 
 As my mind settled under this act of resignation, I 
 was confirmed in its being of the Lord's ordering, and 
 of his abundant mercy ; who trieth not any beyond 
 what he sees good, and whose service is a reasonable 
 service. I wish greatly to be preserved on all hands, 
 and in all things from hurting the good cause, which is 
 dearer to me than life. I am very feeble, and obliged 
 to use the sofa very much, taking frequent nourish- 
 ment, etc. I propose going with my brother to Bognor, 
 in the hope of being better able (after ten days there) 
 to undertake the' journey home. I desire for thee as 
 for myself, that endeavoring to live in Christian faith 
 and simplicity, we may have our minds deeply centred 
 and set upon nothing short of the unerring and Divine 
 will in all things ; then nothing that can happen to us 
 will any way move us, but all will work together for 
 our good, and for the honor of the great Name. Thou 
 must be sensible that this turn in my course, though 
 by no means one previously calculated upon, was no 
 great surprise to me ; the wonder was,- that I should 
 be enabled to go through any part of the prospect set 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 241 
 
 before me on quitting home, indeed that 1 waa strength- 
 ened to entertain it at all, considering my weakly 
 condition. — Give my love to Friends. I am a poor 
 creature, but I trust not out of the reach of the infi- 
 nite compassion of the Shepherd of Israel. Farewell ! 
 
 Carshalton, 20th of Sixth month, 1825. 
 
 My dear , 
 
 I may state to thee, that on Sixth-day and Seventh- 
 day week, my powers of body and mind were so ex- 
 hausted and enfeebled, as clearly to excuse me, in my 
 judgment, from any further proceedings in my engage- 
 ment for the present. I saw I had no hard Master, 
 nor unreasonable service, — that He knew what had 
 been given up and undergone for his pure name's sake ; 
 and, were it called for, that I was ready to give up my 
 natural life, rather than shrink from suffering or from 
 shame. Deep indeed have been the conflicts and the 
 baptisms, — crucifying, yea, mortifying have been the 
 often silent labors of my soul before Him, on account 
 and on behalf of this people, and especially in this 
 great city, since coming to it : — whether I may ever 
 complete what was presented to my mind, as a religious 
 obligation, I know not ; but I am very comfortable in 
 an entire relinquishment of that part which respects 
 London. 
 
 21 
 
242 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 To L. A. B. 
 
 Bognor, 24th of Sixth month, 18-2o. 
 
 I am favored indeed in being able to say how greatly 
 the change of air, and the suspension of mental exer- 
 cises, have revived me. Truly, I felt both in mind and 
 body, failing beyond the usual vicissitudes or ups and 
 downs that attend. It was a great convulsion to my 
 faith, though relieving to my poor frame, to have to 
 resign what had been received as clear duty : and I 
 trust, that if in any wise there was occasion for me at 
 that crisis to remember Jonah's case, when he was 
 angry, because his Master's will declared through him 
 was reversed, the feeling was nothing worse than a 
 jealousy for the honor of the great Name, and the 
 high vocation professed by me, lest the Truth should 
 suffer, or any cause of offence be given. I am alto- 
 gether in the hands of One, who can see if I have 
 gone down to Joppa, and paid the fare to Tarsliish. 
 It is an awful thing in this day, as ever it was in anj 
 other, to take the name of the Most High into our 
 lips, and to declare his commands ; but if so, how aw- 
 ful is the situation of those who reject these messages, 
 — who do not, like "that great city" of old, "cry 
 mightily," and turn from their evil ways. The longer 
 I was in that great city, the more was I baptized, (as 
 I thought,) into a sense of that which is wanting, in 
 an especial manner, in our favored Society ; until the 
 burden became more than I could sustain : and yet for 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 243 
 
 a time, I could not see any way rightly to get from 
 under it. When we consider what must be, and ever 
 is, the condition of those who follow not the Lamb in 
 the leadings of his pure light, and that it is said of 
 them that love the world and the things of it, that the 
 love the Father is not in them, — that the friendship 
 of the world is enmity against Him, — with many other 
 such truths ; what shall we think the fair profession of 
 many is worth, in the sight of the Searcher of hearts. 
 Plow glorious a thing, to be daily growing in grace, 
 daily receiving heavenly bread, daily partaking of the 
 Divine blessing, and in that, moving and acting towards 
 others in our several duties. It is wonderful to me, 
 how my constitution seems in so short a time to have 
 rallied. 
 
 TO A FRIEND. 
 Bognor, Sussex, 30th of Sixth month, 1825. 
 
 My beloved friend. 
 
 What a wonderful course have believers to tread in ; 
 — how led about, and in all things instructed, — how 
 wonderfully and wisely dealt with ! What a process it 
 takes to purify us from self, and completely to redeem. 
 Nothing less than an infinite Hand can do it for us ; 
 both as to mercy, wisdom and power, and that contin- 
 ually exerted in our behalf. I feel these things more 
 than ever I did, and feel that I am yet but a child in 
 the experience of them ; because that which is attained, 
 is as nothing compared with the fulness that is set be- 
 fore us. I trust we are companions in this path, wherein 
 
244 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDTJMS 
 
 we are through many tribulations and ohastenings and 
 even apparent desertion and death, taught .that we are 
 poor creatures, able of ourselves to do nothing, neither 
 to keep ourselves alive in a spiritual sense. It is hard 
 work- to endure patiently all that is needful for this 
 purpose, and to accept all the painful operations of the 
 Holy and High One for our good : yet there is no 
 safety for us, but in submitting thus to what may be 
 called the, death of the cross; and "if we be dead 
 with Him, we believe that we shall also live with Him ; 
 if we suffer, we shall reign with Him." I continue to 
 feel peace of mind in the step taken or concluded on, 
 when under thy roof. What a shelter, dear friends, it 
 felt to me to be with you : I wish often to be with you 
 in spirit, and to partake of that which refreshes you, 
 and which animates to hold on to steadfastness. My 
 situation since I left you, has been one calculated to 
 discourage ; but I trust the Lord is my stay, though 
 little evidence seems extended of that sensible support 
 which poor nature looks for. It has been a sifting, 
 searching time with me ; the being thus suspended, 
 shall I say thrown on my back, and my purposes 
 turned aside, causes much scrutiny ; but I cannot 
 find that I have missed the way, — nay, the lan- 
 guage presents, " It was well it was in thy heart ;" 
 yet as regards the future, I am earnest for clearness, 
 though remembering that we are to be " careful for 
 nothing." Alton Quarterly and Monthly Meetings are 
 to be on the Fifth and Sixth-days next week ; in being 
 at these, I may see further what is best. My health 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 245 
 
 is certainly better for being here, the bracing sea'air 
 has been very beneficial ; but while this is tKe case, 
 every day shows me prdbfs of ihy exceedingly delicate 
 state. A religious meeting costs me much travail, 
 much wrestling of spirit ; so does going about among 
 Friends occasion inuch suffering and watching, though 
 often with a cheerful countenance. If we are but kept 
 simple, humble, patient, resigned to do or siiffer, no- 
 thing can harm us, nor will a hair of our heads be 
 singed or fall to the ground ; all that can happen to 
 lis will only turn to our benefit, and not one of our 
 sacrifices but will accomplish that for which it is de- 
 signed by Hini,'who'worketh in us and for us. 
 
 Ninth 'month, l&th; — I gbt'well home, with a 
 peaceful mind, empty and low enough, though not so 
 as to be insensible of the powerful Hand that had 
 been oVer me for goods, and over all things else, to make 
 them good to me. In the midst of much bitter con- 
 flict, which has since been in wisdom dispensed, it is 
 a favor to have nothing to look back upon greatly to 
 grieve Or condemn the poor tried spirit, ready as it 
 has been to halt, and to drink in discouragement ; and 
 in the feeling of it, one is ready to exclaiin, how won- 
 derful is the preservation and condescension handed 
 to the poor instrument, when it has thus given up all 
 lor the name of the Lord!-— ^and yet on the other 
 hand, what weakness in any of the Lord's people can 
 be greater than that which such feel; so that every 
 way they would err and fall, and- do evil, were it not 
 21* 
 
246 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDUMS 
 
 that an omnipotent power is ever near to uphold, to 
 prevent and to restore ! 
 
 The Monthly Meeting soon occurring, I returned 
 my certificate to my own satisfaction, and I believe 
 that of my friends. 
 
 Tenth month. — Low times often : but out of the 
 depths did I cry, and He made these " depths of the 
 sea a way;" He led me through them as on dry 
 ground, and showed me His wonders in them ; so that 
 I have been enabled to pass on, leaving them behind, 
 yea, leaving everything past and to come, in His hands, 
 who can do all things for me. 
 
 New duties, new and arduous paths not cast up, no 
 mark, no trace, no footing, but just in His footsteps, 
 who putteth forth and goeth forth before. Oh ! for a 
 free, simple, entire throwing myself into His care and 
 keeping and disposal in all things, now and evermore ! 
 for no one else can deliver or preserve, or carry 
 through, or enable to glorify Him, or bring about 
 things, that so they shall all redound to His praise. 
 
 [In the Third month, 1826, he quitted his residence 
 at Marazion, and in the Fifth month following, he 
 again entered into the married state, and settled in 
 Alton, in Hampshire.] 
 
 Sixth month, 22d. — I have at times been almost 
 ready to conclude it a vain thing, to attempt in this 
 way to commemorate the innumerable blessings and 
 mercies from day to day, from week to week, from 
 
OP JOHN IBAKCLAT. 247 
 
 month to month, which have heen heaped upon me ; 
 and yet pure desires, I trust, are at times known to 
 arise, that others may be induced to come, taste, and 
 see, how good the Lord is, — how wonderful are his 
 dealings to the poorest, most unworthy of his crea- 
 tures. Words cannot set forth what He is, and will 
 ever remain to be, towards those that trust in Him, and 
 hope in his mercy; and who still endeavor' through 
 all that may happen to them, — through all weaknesses, 
 repulses, temptations, and exercises, to strive with a 
 true heart to serve the God of their lives. Oh ! what 
 hath He wrought for me, more than in past times, if 
 possible, more than in years that have long passed 
 over ! My removal out of Cornwall, my settlement in 
 this allotment, (Alton,) my many, many comforts, a be- 
 loved and loving partner given me in the place of her 
 that has been safely landed from this sea of troubles ! 
 how shall my soul ever repeat all that God hath 
 wrought for me in these matters ? Yea, how hath He 
 preserved my goings out and my comings in, my up- 
 rising and my down-sitting ; so that notwithstanding 
 the many baitings, stumblings, slippery and exceeding- 
 ly difficult places, the Lord hath in good measure been 
 my confidence, and kept my foot from being taken, 
 and my life from being smitten to the ground by the 
 enemy. He hath made for me a way, where I could 
 see none ; he hath made that to be possible, yea, 
 brought it to pass, which seemed impossible, — «nd 
 brought me safely through ; so that I can indeed yet 
 praise him for his goodness. 
 
248 LETTERS AND MKMORANDTJMS 
 
 To E. S. 
 
 Alton, Fifth month, 1826. 
 
 My dear frietid, 
 
 To say that my soul doth tenderly and deeply sym- 
 pathize with thee under thy sore bereavement, is say- 
 ing little at such a time as this ; and yet well knowing 
 how wonderfully the Divine compassions are extended 
 in such an hour, I cannot he anxious that my pen 
 should be made helpful to thee. It is indeed a season 
 when "the powers of the world to come," and the 
 "heavenly gift" are to be tasted and deeply drunk of; 
 for whatever be the nature of ban's extremity,' it is 
 then the Lord is most inclined to draw near, and mani- 
 fest the excellency of his never-failing arm ;• inviting, 
 fiay, urging the sons of men to take refuge under his 
 healing 'wing. My belief is firm, that it is not only 
 possible but easy, through submission to this inward 
 operation and aid, for the soul to be raised above 
 the Outward, and settled in a holy calm, where it 
 jCan bless, and praise, and magnify through all, the 
 name of Him, who doeth all things well, and nothing 
 in vain. It will no doubt be thy concern, as it is our 
 duty, to dwell on the various blessings connected with 
 this painful dispensation; that thy dear wife should 
 have reached her home, is one that strikes me forcibly. 
 But there is much of tendcrmss and gentleness in the 
 Lord's severest dealings, and in those which seem dark- 
 est, or bitterest. We know not the end and meaning 
 »f many designs, but they are developed by and by' 
 
OF JOHN EAROLAT. ' 249 
 
 even to our own astonishment and satisfaction. Yet 
 in respect to these, and all other indirect alleviations 
 or abatements to the acuteness of feeling, it may be 
 said, at least for a time, in the language of Jeremiah, 
 " When I -would (thus) comfort myself against sorrow, 
 my heart is faint within me." 
 
 Thy. dear little eldest child will often, I trust, be- 
 guile away a heavy hour of musings and of- mourning, 
 and take thee from too selfish an indulgence' in what 
 has been termed, " the luxiiry of griefi," — help thee 
 also, to cast an eye on the future, rather than to dwell 
 too much or unduly on the -past, — -and lift thy tried 
 spirit out of the unprofitable depths of sorrow; and 
 her little prattle may sound like a call — " Lead me to 
 follow her thou mournest." 
 
 What a spur to diligence, to increased care in all the 
 allotment of duty, does such a loss as thou hast sus- 
 tained, if rightly borne, bring with it. If thus I have 
 been favored to see " the end of the Lord, — that he 
 is very pitiful and of tender mercy," and that "blessed 
 are the dead who die in him," — what shall I render, 
 and how shall I live, and what shall I not endure for 
 the sake of " so great salvation," so excellent a Sa- 
 viour. Truly, dear B., I look for something out of all 
 this ; for the Lord hath done great things for thee as 
 for her, thy precious partner ; and I cannot but think, 
 thou mayst lift up thy head in hope, and go on in 
 the strength of the Lord. For though many may be 
 and must be our remaining tribulations, before it be 
 said to us, " Thy warfare is accomplished ;" yet while 
 
250 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 our dependence and surrender of soul is maintained in 
 even a small degree of simplicity, He whom we serve 
 will never leave nor forsake us, nor fail to make good 
 all that He hath promised. '' 
 
 May the consolations of God be abundant with thee > 
 and may nothing of this transitory world, whether 
 heights or depths, come between Him and thee, to de- 
 prive thee of the richness and fulness of his blessing, 
 yet poured on them that mourn. 
 
 My dear love attends thee. May we abound in grace, 
 and every good fruit, even by abiding in the vine, be- 
 ing often purged as fruitful branches, and chastened as 
 dear children. Farewell. I remain thy affectionate 
 friend, J. B. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 251 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 [In the Eighth month, 1826, he informed his Monthly 
 Meeting (Alton) of a religious concern to visit the meet- 
 ings of Friends in Scotland ; also, some other meetings 
 in his way thither and in returning ; a certificate was 
 granted, and he left home on the 19th of that month, 
 taking the meetings of Newcastle and Edinburgh in 
 his way : he then proceeded to Aberdeen, and there 
 attended the Half-year's Meeting. The following are 
 extracts from his letters written during this journey.] 
 
 25th of Eighth month, 1826. — [From Edinburgh he 
 writes:] — How poor do I feel, and yet an engagement 
 of heart in this line of duty — how humbling is it! 
 What but the power of Truth, livingly and fresh com- 
 municated can preserve, much more enable to do any 
 thing to the glory of God. I feel my own childish 
 growth, as well as that inability we all share as men 
 and creatures, and. I long that the Lord would be 
 pleased to endue me with more skill and capacity to 
 advocate His cause, as well as with simplicity to lay 
 aside every weight, and keep clear of every snare. 
 Do often think of me for my good, and help me with 
 thy most earnest fervent desires to the Fountain theroof, 
 
252 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 that I may be thoroughly furnished for every needful 
 time, — endued with wisdom and an understanding 
 heart, with clearness also of spiritual sense, and with 
 might in the inner man. The Lord direct my way and 
 prosper it, for He knows that in integrity I have sought 
 His will only to do it. 
 
 Fry, near Stonehaven, Ninth month.— Our meetings 
 (the general meeting,)' have been pretty large, and 
 inuch favored with the manifestation of the ancient 
 Arm of power ; so that in the strength thereof a rem- 
 nant could say, — " One generation shall praise thy 
 works to another, and declare thy gloi-ious name and 
 goodness." I had, on First-day morning, my time of 
 silent admiration at this, which is the Lord's doing ; 
 but in the afternoon meeting, which was very largely 
 attended by strangers, I was led to stand up and open 
 that great mystery, but to us most true ordinance, of 
 waiting on the Lord, witli the excellent benefits to be 
 derived from this practice in respect to spiritual attain- 
 ments. The people were very quiet and attentive, 
 though still flocking in. There were many Friends in 
 the ministry who confirmed these ttings, and further 
 set forth the Christian life and doctrine. Second-day, 
 the general meeting was held, when the Lord was 
 jpleased to appear amongst us to our great refreshment: 
 much instrumental labor was bestowed, especially oh 
 the unfaithful, who were warned in a solemn manner 
 again and again. 
 
 On fifth-day, I was at the Aberdeen meeting, in 
 which I had under a sweet feeling to encourage the 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 253 
 
 little flock to hold on their way. How preciously did 
 the Lord work that day ; I shall not easily forget it. 
 
 This place (Ury) has for some years been surprisingly 
 improved, especially of late, the walks and woods 
 planted by the father of the present proprietor, are 
 beautiful ; a bold rushing stream winds not far from 
 the house, through a bed of rocks ; and the inequality 
 of the ground is pleasing indeed. It is a sweet spot. 
 The proprietor, Robert Barclay, received me very 
 kindly, and welcomed me. I am made very cohifort- 
 able here, but must get through my business and be 
 ^orie : accordingly, I' have this raorning examined the 
 library throughout, and found already several intei'est- 
 ing things ; but the correspondence is what I want, and 
 hope to see. 
 
 On Second-day, I completed my business here to 
 my satisfaction, having brought with me what was 
 valuable. 
 
 Fotirth-da.y, 16th. — Was at Dunfermline, where a 
 little solid company sit together : none of them are 
 yet acknowledged members. The Lord was good to 
 us, in bowing our hearts together low before him, and 
 I trust it was a favored time ; pretty much counsel was 
 handed. I thought there was evidently to be felt a 
 good work upon some, and I trust it will stand, even 
 in the face of a crooked and perverse generation of 
 professors of the Christian name, among whom, living, 
 powerful, operative religion is much wanted. On Fifth- 
 day, I attended the meeting at Edinburgh in course ; 
 I took my seat, hardly knowing any besides the family 
 'i'i 
 
254 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 in which I was received ; but the Lord gave me to 
 labor abundantly, for their arising out of their present 
 low state: I rose early in the meeting, going into 
 things very particularly, laying before them the causes 
 of weakness, under which I" apprehended they labored ; 
 with much more respecting the only sure foundation 
 and resting place, and what a building on this would 
 make them : the Lord was near to help, — blessed be 
 his name. 
 
 At Carlisle, I attended the meetings on First-day ; 
 wherein the great heavenly Shepherd's crook was ex- 
 tended, and his care was over us. Wonderful is the 
 help handed to me, to do whatsoever I find to do. 
 Many hearts were, I trust, humbled that day ; for the 
 Lord was surely among us. I met with some young 
 plants, and made a call on a precious family, and my 
 heart was refreshed in the hope that they are bowing 
 under the yoke of Christ. I sometimes feel a tempo- 
 rary disadvantage in my youthful appearance, until my 
 Master makes way for me in the hearts of my friends. 
 I went to the Monthly Meeting held at Pardshaw, 
 a country meeting mentioned in George Fox's Journal 
 as "Pardshaw Cragg:" here, as I went, my friends 
 pointed out the rock, where he preached among the 
 mountains: they also showed where John Burnyeat, 
 John Banks, James Dickinson, and others lived. At 
 this meeting at Pardshaw the Lord was pleased at this 
 day to manifest his name, and glorify it, which is as 
 ointment poured forth. ! He worked marvellously, 
 giving His blessing and presence amongst us, who 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAY. 255 
 
 were a large company ; so that the flow of exhortation 
 was as a mighty stream. I felfthe Lord to be very 
 near, and my poor spirit was greatly refreshed ; and 
 my soul somewhat filled with their company: but I 
 find day by day, that former things must be left, and 
 not rested in, that the mind may be free and unshackled 
 against the next service. 
 
 To E. S. 
 
 Edinburgh, 14th of Ninth month, 1826. 
 
 My beloved friend, 
 
 On the receipt of thy account respecting our en- 
 deared companion, who is gone before to his rest and 
 reward, my heart was wonderfully helped to a degree 
 of quiet acquiescence in the blessed purposes of Divine 
 wisdom and goodness ; so that though few, very few, 
 were nearer to me than he among the flock of the 
 faithful in Christ Jesus, I could not hold him on this 
 side the grave, but seemed entirely prepared and re- 
 signed to lose him, as to the outward, well knowing 
 our oneness was not to be destroyed by death. Ah ! 
 
 dear , when we can look with anointed eyes on 
 
 these things, and are permitted to enter into the pur- 
 poses and will of our heavenly Father, whose ways are 
 higher than ours, who doeth all things well, nor any- 
 thing in vain, — what a favor, what a mercy is it, that 
 the message is given to the quickened soul, " Time to 
 thee here is no longer," — " Come up hither." ! 
 what a irelease, what a dismissal, what an enlargement 
 
256 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 to the poor tribulated spirit, -laboring- 'amidst tempta- 
 tions and the assaults of the prince of darkness,-^yea 
 amidst many infirmities, afflictions and doubtings; but 
 how unutterably awful is the voice of -warning conveyed 
 in this dispensation to others, among -whom that dear 
 servant 'has gone testifying in his lifer-time of the 
 powers of the world to come, and of the terms on which 
 alone the gates of heaven are opened. Surely, my 
 soul said, on first hearing of his illness, this was a seal 
 to his testimony and a crown to his labors of love 
 which the Lord hath set, and let his will be done. 
 And now how is such a circumstance calculated to'binij 
 us who remain one unto another, and above all to the 
 great Head of the, Church, — ^fco stimulate us to an ear- 
 nest heed to -the things that make for such peace as- 
 our beloved Edmund had' and is ceptred in ; fpr here 
 is a fresh and indisputable evidence that "these things 
 are faithful and true," — that "the Lord is at han^" 
 and watches over us for good, — that "verily there is 
 a reward for the righteous," — that "in due season 
 even we shall reap, if we faint not." My heart flows 
 in gratitude to the Fountain of good, in remembering 
 all that He wrought for our dear E. ; for truly the 
 Lord was with him, whatever were his snares or infir- 
 mities in common with many of us. My prayer is — 
 " Let my last end be like his ;" let me only get to the 
 end of this appointed warfare safely as he has ! There 
 is a blessing upon those who hold fast the beginning 
 of their confidence in the Lord steadfast to the end — 
 who mourn not as those that have no hope ; for as 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 257 
 
 certainly as he who is taken from ns hath "received 
 the end of his hope, even the salvation of his soul," so 
 in due season they also shall surely reap who faint not ; 
 their tribulation will work patience ; and though they 
 cannot as yet go to him, yet those who follow the 
 "Lamb whithersoever He goeth, after their measure and 
 testimony for Him are filled up, we well know, will 
 have of Him a place prepared for them. Wherefore 
 the language runs in me, "Let not your hearts be 
 troubled, neither let them be afraid." My mind is 
 often raised secretly in supplication, that this dispen- 
 sation may prove the raising of some from their graves, 
 in a spiritual sense, to glorify the God of their lives, 
 (in whose hands their very breath is,) both in body, 
 soul and spirit. For the Lord hath spoken to them by 
 his servants as yet much in vain, and he! hath now- 
 given them a sign and token of what He can do, by 
 even snatching them from the earth, it may be in anger 
 and not in mercy,, unless they repent and turn speedily, 
 yea wholly unto Him. 
 
 I have been to the meetings in Scotland with a cer- 
 tificate. The Good Master is tender to me, a poor 
 creature; and while sufficient strength seems to come 
 in every needful hour, I have nothing to, spare, being 
 borne along through heavy conflicts and de'ep bap- 
 tisms. ■ J. B. • 
 
 [He returned home the sixth of Tenth month, 1826, 
 having attended the meetings in Cumberland, York 
 
 22* :■ ■ 
 
258 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 Quarterly Meeting, and some meetings in Northamp- 
 tonshire.] 
 
 Third month, 1827.— Attended our Spring Quarterly 
 Meeting at Poole, and the Monthly Meeting there ; 
 also our own at Andover in course. At the latter we 
 had the company of dear H. and M. M., who had then 
 completed a visit to the families of Friends in our 
 Monthly Meeting, — in which engagements, as far as 
 regards the sittings with the families in this place, I 
 joined them, and had comfort therein, it being re- 
 markably brought about agreeably to my anticipation. 
 How gracious and tender towards me was my heavenly 
 Father, the Head of the church, in this opening, 
 making a way where no way appeared, and .safely 
 leading me forth; so that I trust in this little, but to 
 me arduous service, I could acknowledge that the Lord 
 was near and helped. 
 
 Fifth month-. — I was favored to attend all the sit- 
 tings of the Yearly Meeting. We had very agreeably 
 the company of dear W. and R. Byrd, on a religious 
 visit to the families of Friends in our Quarterly Meet- 
 ting. They stayed with us some days, and the oppor- 
 tunity in our family may my soul ever remember, and 
 take ericouragement from, and bless with reverence 
 and humility the name of the Lord. 
 
 Eighth month. — My mouth, as a minister, has been 
 so laid in the dust, that I know not what to think of 
 it: my soul has been now a long time plunged into 
 various discouragements respecting my spiritual con- 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 259 
 
 dition, so that I know not where this dispensation will 
 end. Lord ! preserve and sustain and redeem my 
 poor soul ! 
 
 Ninth month, 17th. — ^Left home with certificate 
 granted me hy our Monthly Meeting, to visit the meet- 
 ings in Berkshire, Bedfordshire and Herts, Bucking- 
 hamshire and Northamptonshire. 
 
 [Extracts from his letters written when on this ser- 
 vice, are here subjoined.] 
 
 Wycombe, 20th of Ninth month, 1827. 
 
 We reached Reading in time for the Select Meeting, 
 where was T. B. I was favored, to my unspeakable 
 comfort, to break through the load by which I have 
 seemed to be enveloped for a long season, and had 
 to declare of the goodness of the Lord in, I trust, some- 
 thing of the simplicity of the gospel, greatly to my 
 peace of mind — that season appearing like an earnest 
 of future help and guidance. J. P. was there, and he 
 and I went hand-in-hand, being greatly favored in be- 
 ing so one in our line of labor. The next day I had 
 in some degree to take the lead ; others confirmed the 
 word, to my humblingadmiration at the condescension 
 and wisdom of our Holy Head. On sitting down in 
 the second meeting, a sudden exercise came over me 
 about going into the women's meeting, which endeavor- 
 ing well to sift, I. thought it might be passed by, un- 
 less some other had a similar feeling, — when presently 
 after J. P. rose and said he had such a concern, though 
 
260 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 ■without a certificate ; liB knew not why, hut wished' to 
 leave it with Friends ; they fell in with it, and then I 
 named how it had heen with me, when it was fully 
 united with. We went ; and T trust the work of the 
 Lord prospered by our giving up thereto. I have heeii 
 favored to get along very simply, without reasonings, 
 forethought, or after reckonings ; all is made good to 
 me, and my soul dwells in a calm, easy way, not over 
 careful about anything. The Lord does all things well 
 in and for me, and I have no lack, though nothing, to 
 boast of, yet nothing to complain of, — blessed be the 
 name of the Lord;' and may thy soul continue in this 
 acknowledgment, yea more and more ; for what can we 
 render? Time would fail me to say all I could of his 
 mercy to me even these few days back; so that I hope 
 I may humbly say, "All is well," and that I am in the 
 line of duty. My prayer is, that when favored to meet 
 again, we may be favored to build one atiother up' in 
 everything good; and more and more abound therein 
 to our mutual comfort, to the animating of others artd 
 to 'the praise' of Him, who has done great things for 
 us in helping and sustaining ; so that we have not been 
 utterly consumed, though deserving nothing short of 
 it. Farewell. ' ■ 
 
 To J. B. 
 
 Wellingborough, 3cl of Tenth months 1827 
 My dear friend, 
 
 Truly the feeling of love towards my inany dear 
 friends in Cornwall is so expanded, that 1 thought it 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. '261 
 
 nearly impossible to confine my address to any one in' 
 particular ; thence discouragement ensiied, general 
 epistles being much out of date now-a-days. But ! 
 how often do .1 think Of some in particular in your dis- 
 trict; yet longing for the preservationyyeaj the growth 
 of all. What a noble company is the Captain of our 
 salvation seeking to gather; how .glorious would be his 
 arising among you, designed indeed to form part of 
 his " army with banners," and called to be more than 
 conquerors through Him. The Lord remains to be to 
 his devoted servants the same yesterday, to-day, and 
 forever, unless they withdraw from his service. The 
 Lamb and his followers shall now, as ever, have the 
 victory. But some are ready to say, with one of old, 
 even to the mothers of Israel, " Except thou go with 
 me, I will not go down ;" and the answer to such must 
 be expected to prove not altogether to their honor ; for 
 siich look too much to the poor prophetesses, instead 
 of diligently setting themselves about their own busi- 
 ness, which is indeed to fight the good fight of faith. 
 The example of dedication set by many in Cornwall, 
 oftentimes refreshes me ; and the more I think of them 
 in this way, the more I long that they may " abound 
 more and more ;" for yet these many privileges and 
 surely gracious visitations are to be improved accord- 
 ingly- 
 
 I may now tell thee how wonderfully the Lord's mercy 
 has encompassed me about, and his aid been afibrded 
 me in every hour of need ; enabling me to do, I trust, 
 his will in some small measure, while in this awful en- 
 
262 " LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 gagement of visiting the churches in the love of the 
 great Head thereof. Oh ! my heart overflows, when 
 I think how great has been the condescension vouch- 
 safed ; whereby preservation has been hitherto known 
 in good degree from the devices of the enemy, and 
 under all the discouragements and provings of the day, 
 which are very many ; yea, strength has been known 
 at times boldly and largely to advocate the good and 
 great cause, and to testify of that grace by which we 
 must be saved through faith in its operation in the 
 soul. I have been at all the meetings in Scotland, and 
 at several of them more than once, and have taken 
 some others both in going and returning : they have 
 generally been to my great relief- and comfort, and, I 
 trust, lasting benefit ; so that my soul is in diegree 
 qualified to utter the language, " Oh ! how great is 
 Thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that 
 desire to fear, serve, su£Fer for, and trust in Thee !" 
 How thankful ought we to be, dear friend, for all the 
 mercies still handed to us, even day by day ; and oh ! 
 how ought we to walk before Him, -who thus deals with 
 
 T6 M. B. 
 
 Berkhamstead, 26th of Ninth month, 1827. 
 
 I feel oftentimes a very poor creature ; but we are 
 not our own, nor have we any real occasion of regret 
 or discouragement, that we have given up all for the 
 sake of Him, by whom we enjoy all things. It is a 
 
OP JOHN BAECLAT. 263 
 
 great favor that I am enabled to say, the Lord has 
 helped me on my way. 
 
 On Sixth-day, I went to Chesham meeting: I trust 
 the Lord was amongst us there in an eminent degree ; 
 nor do I recollect often being so enlarged in the hea- 
 venly gift. Oh! may the word have entrance and 
 prosper, among a backsliding and halting generation. 
 That evenin'g we returned as far as Amersham, having 
 a meeting there- with Friends. 
 
 On Seventh-day, we went by Jordan's Meeting-house; 
 it is well known as the burial place of William Penn, 
 Isaac Pennington, and Thomas Ellwood ; a secret soli- 
 tude in the midst of a woody and hilly district. I saw 
 some original letters of Isaac Pennington, etc. 
 
 On First-day morning, I attended Wycombe Meeting, 
 and was favored to declare the Truth without fear of 
 man. That evening, we reached this place, (Berk- 
 hamstead,) a newly settled meeting, and were comforted, 
 I hope, together. Yesterday we went to Hemel Hemp- 
 stead, an appointed meeting, and returned hither. My 
 health is preserved, but at the end of some days' work, 
 I feel much wearied ; it is a comfort to have some evi- 
 dence, that, however small my measure of labor, it is 
 nearly as much as my frame is equal to ; yet the Lord 
 makes up all. 
 
 Tenth month, 7th. — First-day, I attended the meet- 
 ings at Devonshire House ; was silent in both : glory 
 be to the great Name ! 
 
 First-day, the 14th. ■ — Attended the meetings at 
 
264 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 TJxbridge ; on the 17th, the Monthly Meeting, and 
 on Second-day following, I reached our comfortable 
 home at Alton, through the matchless condescension, 
 goodness, and forbearance of my Maker, Preserver, 
 and Redeemer. 
 
 To 
 
 Alton, 15th of Twelfth month, 1827. 
 
 Be assured thou hast my very tender sympathy 
 under the important circumstances thy letter unfolds ; 
 and that my best, though feeble desires are, and will 
 be for thy best welfare. I cannot doubt but preserva- 
 tion and sufficient help will be extended, while a sim- 
 ple, upright, unreserved surrender of the will is sought 
 after and abode in. I have thought, in a case of this 
 kind, there is always abundant condescension, gentle- 
 ness, forbearance, and long-suffering, manifested to- 
 wards us poor fallible creatures. He that putteth forth 
 and goeth before us, knoweth our frame, and himself 
 took our infirmities : when we take a step a little awk- 
 wardly, or with too much forwardness, or mistakingly, 
 mercy is near to hold us up and restore us, so long as 
 we are not wilful, but singly desire to be right in our 
 movements. We may be, and some of us know we 
 have been, long borne with, in much that borders on, 
 and indeed proves to be little better than thorough 
 unbelief and disobedience. We read that " rebellion 
 is as the sin of witchcraft :" we may have held back on 
 different grounds, very reasonable as we have thought; 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 265 
 
 but -we have been chastised for this, — leanness and 
 feebleness have come over us, so that when we would 
 afterwards have given up, the Divine sense, strength, 
 and blessing have receded ; neither have we enjoyed 
 the answer of, "Well done." Our situation perhaps 
 has somewhat resembled that of the Israelites, who 
 after refusing, attempted to enter the promised land : 
 there is, nevertheless, forgiveness with Him, that He 
 may be rightly feared, and also plenteous redemption. 
 I believe we are safe in resting under a holy, simple 
 fear and caution, as to so awful a proceeding as the 
 first exercise of the ministry ; but how far this should 
 be carried, cannot well be defined for another; vessels 
 are variously moulded, and variously dealt with or 
 used ; — there may be too much of this as well as too 
 little, for our snares and our tendencies differ. Even 
 though we wait for what we may suppose only adequate 
 strength and clearness for the occasion, this may stand 
 in the way of our having that degree of it, which was 
 intended for us, had we used more self-renunciation, 
 or been more disinterested in our service. It is plain, 
 we are not to expect to have just what evidence would 
 please or satisfy our own feelings, which may have 
 become somewhat morbid by dwelling on things too 
 much. Ah ! the simplicity of a true -babe in Christ 
 is what we want most, far more than that kind of 
 assurance we covet thus greatly : a little of this goes 
 a great way ; it is the faith which pleases God, and 
 removes the mountains ; and by which we are to walk, 
 rather than by sight : it leads to look not to self with 
 23 ' 
 
266 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 anxiety, how we shall be provided either with discern- 
 ment, courage, or what else is needed ; but to rest in 
 the Lord, and cast our burden on him, knowing he is 
 ready to sustain such, so that they shall lack nothing ; 
 nor are they much moved by what arises to perplex, 
 discourage, or prove them, trusting over all in never- 
 failing goodness. 
 
 I hope if what is now handed, should feel to thee to 
 be as a word in season, and in any wise coming from 
 the right source, thou wilt not hesitate to accept it 
 through the fear of leaning on man. I consider that 
 when instruments are rightly engaged for the help of 
 others, they act not in their own name : such are 
 ordained and needful in the church ; and if our eye 
 be single to the great Head, the Giver of every good 
 and perfect gift, and to his inward appearing and 
 sense as to what' comes through others, wie shall not 
 be in danger of hurt, — bearing always in mind his 
 injunction, " TaVe heed how ye hear." 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 267 
 
 CHAPTBE XIII. 
 
 Second month, 9th, 1828, (Alton.) — Thus far 
 brought on my way, through the gracious condescend- 
 ing care and preservation of my .God. Since I last 
 wrote in this rough Memorial, how much do I owe for 
 all the mercies poured upon me every day ! Disease 
 has prevailed all around ; some of our acquaintance 
 cut down in the midst of youth and health : why are 
 we so dealt with, even in this one respect ; and why 
 in all others so blessed ? ! is. it that we walk more 
 acceptably before the Lord, than those that may have 
 been less privileged than ourselves ? No, far from it ! 
 who so worthless, so graceless, in proportion to the 
 talent bestowed as myself, in dedication either in my 
 family or in the church ' Oh, how the enemy wounds 
 and smites my life down to the ground ! so that my 
 faith is ready to fail, and mine eye in looking upward. 
 To whom shall I go, to whom flee in every conflict, if 
 not to the only resource and refuge ? Oh ! that my 
 poor cry may be regarded,^" Let not the enemy vaunt 
 and triumph over me; — let not that which thou hast 
 begun in me, Lord ! the author and giver of all 
 good, be evilly spoken of; and they that hate me re- 
 joice when I am moved." God ! the strength, tho 
 
268 LETXEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 \ 
 
 power, the victory are thine ; let me at this time return 
 thee thanks out of an humbled and honest heart, for 
 •what thou hast hitherto effected, in drawing me out of 
 darkness into thy marvellous light. Oh, let me hope, 
 that thou wilt henceforth preserve, guide, and uphold 
 my poor soul, amidst the sea of temptation and con- 
 flict, in which thou mayst permit me again and again 
 to be plunged ! Let me trust thee for mercy, renewed 
 pardon, — and plenteous redemption, yea, for victory 
 over all my besetments and weaknesses ; so that I may 
 put on strength in thy invincible Name, and under thy 
 holy banner make war in righteousness against the 
 world, the flesh, and the devil. LOrd ! thus under- 
 take and overcome for me, who cannot do anything 
 without thee. Thou hast been my help ; leave me not, 
 neither forsake me, God of my salvation ! Break 
 my bonds, I beseech thee, and loose my captive spirit, 
 which through thy grace longs for deliverance more 
 and more ; — nothing can satisfy my cravings but thy 
 unbounded goodness. 
 
 Fifth month, 18th. — First-day during the Yearly 
 Meeting : — every meeting day, yea, every day, every 
 hour of my life do I stand in the presence of Him, 
 who is the God of the spirits of all flesh, the Master 
 of the assemblies of the faithful. King of saints, the 
 Judge of all the earth ! " Fear ye not me ? saith the 
 Lord!" 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 269 
 
 To . 
 
 Alton, 29th of Fifth month, 1829. 
 
 Our Quarterly and Monthly Meetings were seasons 
 of sadness and depression, as thou mayst suppose : 
 but some of us were given, through and over all dis- 
 may and affliction, to trust and to cling to that, which 
 yet remains an immovable rock and refuge ; and 
 therein to rejoice and be thankful on many accounts, 
 though in tribulation. Surely, the effect of such shak- 
 ings and provings of the foundation, whether it be the 
 true one, and whether we be rightly established and 
 preserved on it, must be ultimately strengthening and 
 beneficial, at least to a remnant in our poor Society, 
 who desire in some degree of sincerity to be searched 
 and tried, and to be purified even seven times. 
 
 [In the ninth month of this year, 1829, he removed 
 to Croydon, within the compass of London and Mid-* 
 dlesex Quarterly Meeting : he had been much engaged 
 in the preparation of works for the press, and he be- 
 lieved the neighborhood of London would afford him 
 great facilities for such engagements. One work which' 
 occasioned him great labor about this period, was the 
 Diary of Alexander Jaffray, the original manuscript 
 of which he had discovered at Ury, in Scotland ; — the 
 deciphering of this manuscript, as well as its prepara- 
 tion for the press, called for much laborious exertion : 
 memoranda frequently occur in his private note book, 
 of his being engaged " at Jaffray," " seven" to even 
 23* 
 
270 LETTERS AND MBMOEANDUMS 
 
 "nine hours" a day. And though it maybe feared 
 such close application was prejudicial to his health and 
 delicate constitution, nevertheless he ■would often say, 
 that he believed it to be a line of service marked out 
 for him by the Divine hand. 
 
 In the Eighth month, 1830, he obtained a certificate 
 from his Monthly Meeting (Kingston,) for religious ser^ 
 vice, in the Quarterly Meeting of Dorset and Hants, 
 his concern being to visit the meetings, as well as the 
 families generally ; with liberty to include the counties 
 of Kent, Sussex and Surry, if Truth should open the 
 way. 
 
 In the First month, 1831, he returned the certifi- 
 cate, at the same time acknowledging the gracious 
 dealings of the Lord, in supporting him through this 
 engagement, and in granting the sweet incomes of 
 peace. 
 
 The following are brief extracts from some of his 
 letters, written during this engagement.] 
 
 Alton, 22d of Eighth month, 1830. — Having now 
 got through this part of our humiliating path,* and 
 being about to depart on the morrow, I thought I might 
 attempt a few lines to thee to tell thee that we got well 
 here ; and we havj been so closely engaged, as indeed 
 hardly to leave time for conversation with Friends, or 
 for relaxation of any sort. It is humbling work indeed, 
 and I have been so low, that it seemed as if I should 
 
 * He was united with his friend J. F. Marsh in the service. 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAT. 271 
 
 not have held out ; but the water seems turned into 
 wine, beyond all expectation. I have not been silent 
 in any sitting, though nearly so in both meetings this 
 day. Oh ! may the Lord continue unto us strength 
 and wisdom ; and, if it be His will, may He enlarge 
 my poor soul a little, to testify and sing of his power. 
 
 Southampton, 25th. — Though I cannot say anything 
 of heights or of abundance, yet suflScient strength and 
 ability seem vouchsafed to my poor soul, to raise it to 
 a. degree of cheerfulness, and of reverent thankfulness. 
 I find wonderful condescension and support adminis- 
 tered in all times of need, though the path is a very 
 humiliating one. 
 
 Poole, 30th. — The good Master, whom we are long- 
 ing to serve, though in abundant weakness, is not 
 wanting to extend his help in every needful season ; so 
 that, from time to time, He raises the acknowledgment 
 of gratitude, and renews the desire to be entirely re- 
 signed to His will and disposal. We have been kindly 
 received everywhere, and I trust have been preserved 
 from hurting the good cause, or those that love it. My 
 health and spirits are tolerable ; and though the weight 
 of things feels awful, yet eyeing the Lord's mercy, I 
 seem lifted over selfishness in some degree, and am 
 careful for nothing. 
 
 , Horsham, 1st of Tenth month, 1880. 
 
 I trust I do feel, however inadequately, that it is 
 through renewed mercy and favor I am here, and again 
 made willing to do and to sufiier whatever may be meted 
 
272 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 out for me, if it be but for the Lord's precious cause 
 and to His glory. ! saith my soul, that the dwell- 
 ing of each one of us may be so near the right spot, 
 that we may not only truly and fully discern, but ap- 
 preciate, what may make for our own peace, and our 
 progress heavenward. However heavily the hand of 
 the Lord may in any" wise be laid upon us, is it not for 
 good, and should we not even kiss it, as well as bear 
 and submit ? It is but little, very little, that we can 
 give up, and but for a short season, unto Him, who 
 hath given us all things that we hold dear : ! then, 
 that we may prize and cherish, the privilege of lending 
 to the Lord; who will assuredly love the cheerful 
 giver, and restore and enhance his own gifts to such 
 with increase. 
 
 We have had a sweet, precious, uniting season to- 
 gether this day, not only in meeting, but since ; and 
 though with myself it has not been a high day, yet I 
 have been sensible of that which has stayed and sus- 
 tained, and even animated my soul to run on with pa- 
 tience. I am intending to be on Eirst-day at Go- 
 dalming, at the interment of a Friend, whose (awfully 
 sudden removal will be affecting to thee : when sitting 
 at dinner with her family, she was smitten as it were 
 in a moment, and was a corpse in a very few minutes : 
 I understand a striking silence prevailed with them, 
 from the time they sat down at table. 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAY. 
 
 273 
 
 Guilford, 6th of Tenth month, 1830. 
 
 Since I wrote last, I have been favored to get along 
 comfortably, having been well in health and spirits, 
 cheerful in mind, and wound up in some good degree, 
 I humbly trust, to my business, from hour to houn I 
 have been enabled to go through what has come before 
 me as duty, even with alacrity ; so that often the ac- 
 knowledgment has arisen, " By thee I have run through 
 a troop, and leaped over a wall." Do not, however, 
 suppose that I am unduly elevated ; but am rather pre- 
 served in a calm, steady trust, and in resignation to 
 the Lord and to His disposal ; desiring only to do all 
 His good pleasure, or that it may be fulfilled and ac- 
 complished in me ; ever bearing in mind, that I am 
 not yet (so far as I can see of the future) putting off 
 the armor or harness, but have still to fight and to 
 labor, still to keep under this poor, frail body ; and in 
 soul and spirit also to seek to be sustained and sub- 
 jected in all things unto the end. 
 
 I attended the Monthly Meeting at Horsham, on Se- 
 venth-day, and was (notwithstanding the flow of doc- 
 trine and exhortation we had the day before) led pretty 
 largely to testify among Friends. I proceeded to Go- 
 dalming on First-day morning, where the interment 
 was to take place. I concluded to join the mourners 
 at dinner, and attended their evening meeting. We 
 commenced the next morning visiting the families, 
 which we have now concluded, much to my relief and 
 satisfaction ; after much exercise and endeavor for a 
 
274 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 long season to know what migtt be best as to this ser-^ 
 vice, and as to the time, I believe that I have been 
 well directed thus far. I believe that the Lord will 
 fulfil his precious promises, and be unto me all I stand 
 in need of, while I look unto Him in simplicity and 
 faith, striving to obey Him. 
 
 Folkstone, 13th of Twelfth month. — We have now 
 completed at Dover, and have entered this day into 
 our labor here. ! surely the Iiprd is no hard mas- 
 ter, and sendeth not any forth at their own charges; 
 but i% very graciously disposed to fit out according to 
 his own purposes : thus are removed all sufficiency or 
 depvJidence on anything short of the fresh and hum- 
 bling ability f^at He gives. We have had some pre- 
 scioui. seasons- reviving to our drooping spirits, when 
 even ai, the 1' west ebb ; and we are bound to rejoice 
 and givu than ^s, and go on our way in faith, with ala- 
 crity and pat race of soul, come what may. 
 
 CanterWr'' , 18th. — I hope I may again say, not- 
 withstandiii/ ow and trying seasons, we are favored to 
 proceed com.ortably on our errand ; feeling where our 
 anchorage is,, and what we have alone to lean upon. We 
 have been le' 1 into some strait places ; but have always 
 found, in the hour of extremity, that which has carried 
 us through. 0! it is a comfort, beyond what I can 
 set forth, to be quitting a place, and feeling there is 
 nothing to regret having done or not done. We have 
 had some very precious times, and some have been re- 
 markably melted down, in I trust true contrition. 
 
OP JOHN BARCLAY. 275 
 
 [He was favored to return home from this close and 
 lahorious service in peace, the 25th of Twelfth month, 
 1830.] 
 
 To . 
 
 Second month, 1831. 
 
 Whilst writing, I cannot well forhear expressing 
 something of the sense I often have of thy deep unre- 
 mitted interest in the welfare of our Society, and the 
 sympathy which I believe very many besides myself 
 feel towards and with thee, under the many exercises 
 and engagements that are thy portion, and -which may 
 be said nearly to absorb the whole man. I trust it 
 will not prove unwelcome, if I venture to say how I 
 have longed that thy hands may be strengthened ac- 
 cording to all thy need. No doubt thou hast at times 
 occasions of dismay and discouragement _ on various 
 accounts : but it is consoling and animating to have 
 the truth of the declared decree sealed afresh to our 
 wearied spirits, " yet have I set my King upon my holy 
 hill of Zion;" and again, — "The enemies of the Lord 
 shall be as the fat of lambs, into smoke shall they 
 consume away." Be assured there are many with thee, 
 (and with others that desire to be true-hearted labor- 
 ers,) when and wherein thou little thinkest this to be 
 the case : and though the fathers and mothers in our 
 Israel be removed, without any doubt it is the same 
 almighty, all-wise hand who removes these, that is able of 
 the stones to raise up children. It is often remarkable 
 how from time to time the Head of the church, — possibly 
 
276 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDUMS 
 
 after a time of treading down and humiliation, — raises 
 up instruments and aids in all the different offices, one 
 here and another there ; even so that ■vre cannot find 
 any cause to murmur against " the good man of the 
 house," although it he according to His own purposes, 
 grace and good will, and not according to our mere 
 human apprehensions of what would he hest. Thus 
 He renews the face of His earth spiritually, and brings 
 forth a song in the hearts of His children, somewhat 
 similar to those beautiful words in Psalm Ixxxix. 6, 7, 
 8, 16, 17. verses, " Who in the heaven can he com- 
 pared unto the Lord," &c. 
 
 1831. — Oh ! the glory, the excellency of the power 
 and wisdom and truth of our God and Saviour ! How 
 was He manifested, and his grace and goodness, and 
 plenteous redemption, when the groans and cries of some 
 of his poor oppressed and exercised ones went up as 
 mingled clouds of incense ! " For the sighing of the 
 poor, for the cry of the needy now will I arise, saith 
 the Lord." When things are apparently at the lowest^ 
 — when our prayers seem to return into our own bo- 
 som ; when the heavens are wrapt in thick -folded cur- 
 tains of darkness, then the coming of the Lord on high 
 is often as the vivid lightning, enlightening the skies, 
 from the east to the west ; in effect declaring to poor 
 mortals, that it is He alone who can create light and 
 darkness, — can cause the light to shine in and out of 
 darkness, — and can turn the night season spiritually 
 into the noon-day. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 277 
 
 First month, 14th, 1832. — Employed on Jaffray 
 nine hours. Some days this week, I was exceedingly 
 stripped, low, and tempted, almost beyond measure : 
 but on Fourth-day had a good meeting, and a sweet 
 silent opportunity with a young person who has applied 
 for membership. These words were impressed on my 
 mind : " If ye abide in me, and my words abide in 
 you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done 
 unto you." 
 
 Fifth month, 21st. — I resume these notes, and it 
 is under a sense, greater if possible than ever, of my 
 incompetency, to set forth my many feelings and exer- 
 cises, either in reference to my own condition, or that 
 of the gathered church with whom I associate. I can- 
 not recur in this place to what has transpired, since I 
 last wrote in this little book ; suffice it to say, my soul 
 does feebly desire to bless the great name of the Lord, 
 my Saviour, for the very thought and hope now pre- 
 sented before me — that because He lives, I live also. 
 To be preserved alive in the Truth unto this day, and 
 once more to meet with and recognize my friends in 
 the Truth, in the life of it ; this is indeed a favor. 
 And to be given to know, in any measure, what has 
 aimed at the life, and is yet seeking to devour, leads 
 to some hope of a complete deliverance from the 
 snares of death. Ever since I have attended this 
 Yearly Meeting, my mind has been deeply exercised 
 according to my capacity for the welfare of this people. 
 As I proceed in my pilgrimage, I trust my confidence 
 is increasing, that the great " I AM," the King of 
 24 
 
278 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 Zion, still reigns, and will reign to tlie overthrow of 
 all his enemies ; and that He alone is equal to take 
 care of his church, and to overrule all things for the 
 good of his little dependent ones. Yet, oh, how awful 
 do the times appear in which we live ; and how awfully 
 critical is our standing among the various professions 
 around us. Doubtless, it always has been so, perhaps 
 more so, than those of any particular age may have 
 thought. Every period has had its dangers, its temp- 
 tations, its responsibilities. Yet surely ours are, if 
 not new, very specious snares ; and when I look around, 
 I am ready to think, who, even among the highest in 
 knowledge, in faith, or in gifts, is not fearfully liable 
 to fall into some of these snares. Oh, I have this day 
 seen, as I think, in the light of the Lord, the enemy 
 endeavoring to deceive, if it be possible, the very elect. 
 There are baits already laid, golden baits, which, if 
 they are not seen and shunned, will even devour those 
 who devour them. I see not how some, who now take 
 the lead amongst us, will or can escape being carried 
 away, as with a sweeping flood, by that which they are 
 now swimming in ; unless the Lord prevent, I see not 
 how this Society can escape being landed, yea stranded, 
 on a rock. Every day, every fresh occasion of witness- 
 ing the spirit and proceedings of these times, convinces 
 me beyond all hesitation, that we are fast verging to a 
 crisis, -T- an alarming crisis, and a shaking, sifting 
 crisis, when every foundation will be discovered, every 
 covering removed. And though many will say, " Lo, 
 here is Christ, and lo there !" is he not with us, and 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 279 
 
 do we not own him and follow him ? Yet a clean sepa- 
 ration will take place between the chaff and the wheat, 
 and nothing will be able to endure the refining heat of 
 that day, beside the beaten gold. Oh, how loose, how 
 crude, how mixed are the views of many : how accom- 
 modating, how shifting is the ground they stand upon ; 
 how lofty and superficial is their edifice, though beau- 
 tiful, and apparently solid also ! Oh, for more humi- 
 liation, fasting, waiting ! Oh, for less activity, less 
 self-conceit, less taking of the name of Christ in vain ! 
 May such a view of things conduce to drive and keep 
 me yet nearer to the Source of all safety and of all 
 succour ; that I may abide in Him, and grow up in 
 Him in all things who is the Head !* 
 
 [In the spring of 1833, he was first attacked with 
 an infiammatory complaint in the knee-joint, brought 
 on by a longer walk than usual, but aggravated it was 
 believed by a depressed state of constitution, conse- 
 quent in some degree on his too close application to 
 the Diary of Alexander Jaffray, etc., — this left a 
 weakness upon him so as never after to be able to take 
 his former portion of exercise, on which he had felt his 
 general health so much depended ; the limb was kept 
 
 * These remarks will doubtless appear the more striking to those 
 readers, who can recall to mind the circumstances of the Society in 
 the next and succeeding three or four years more especially: the 
 publication of the work called the Beacon, which occasioned so much 
 painful excitement in the Society, occurred about the beginning of 
 1835. 
 
280 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 for some time under surgical care, and many means 
 were resorted to for its restoration, but without suc- 
 cess.] 
 
 To 
 
 Croydon, 17th of Eighth month, 1833. 
 My dear friend, 
 
 I must not longer omit assuring thee of the acceptance 
 of thy letter, which was truly cordial to me ; evincing 
 that thy mind through all changes has remained, as I 
 trust, firmly anchored on that Rock which cannot be 
 removed; and comfortably proving to me, what I 
 sometimes seem almost unable to assume, that my own 
 poor tossed bark is yet preserved on the top of the 
 waters, and this by the skilful hand of the unerring 
 Pilot. Truly, it is reviving to know, that we have 
 companions in this wilderness and warfare ; that we 
 do indeed mutually desire to walk together by the same 
 rule and to mind the same thing ; and that no tempta- 
 tion or strange thing has happened, or is happening to 
 us, but what is common to men, yea, even the best ; 
 and that above all. He is with us who can alone do ail 
 things for us, and enable us to endure all things 
 through' faith, of which He is the author and the 
 finisher. 
 
 I earnestly trust that thy mind is too much one with 
 the wrestling seed of Christ, to suffer thee to be in any 
 wise moved away from the humbling engagement of 
 filling up thy measure of usefulness, in whatever way 
 
OP JOHN BARCLAY. 281 
 
 may yet remain for thee, or be pointed out ; even that 
 thou art endeavoring to be looking right on, turning 
 neither to the right hand nor to the left ; suffering 
 nothing overmuch to absorb, disquiet, perplex, or di- 
 vert thee from that which makes for peace ; and pur- 
 suing the simple path of duty, -wherever it may lead. 
 Ah ! how easy to prescribe all this, — how difficult to 
 get to that spot and to keep there, where the yoke, the 
 burden, the commandment are known and felt to bo 
 easy, light, and most pleasant. I rest as ever thy 
 affectionate friend, J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 Croydon, Tenth month, 1833. 
 
 Thy letter, my dear friend, I believe I have never 
 acknowledged ; but be assured it was in all its parts 
 very acceptable, although it conveyed tidings of a truly 
 mournful aspect. These things, however, must be ex- 
 pected, and those who are entering into discipleship, 
 must bear to hear of what the Master forewarns them 
 they must endure. Though they " hear of wars and 
 rumors of wars, men's hearts failing them for fear, and 
 for looking after those things" that await, etc., yet 
 " see that ye be not troubled ;" and "in your patience 
 possess ye your souls ;" is still the watchword of perfect 
 and divine Wisdom, coincident with the blessed expe- 
 rience of the Psalmist,:—" My heart is fixed, trusting 
 in the Lord;" by wJiom the very hairs of the head are 
 24* 
 
282 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 numbereii, and everything overruled for the good of 
 his chosen, now as ever ! And they are directed in 
 all their movements, so far as the Master has need of 
 them, in steadying the ark, or bearing it aright, with- 
 out overmuch anxiety ; trusting themselves and their 
 cause, which is His, to his own keeping. We have 
 signs of the times enough to assure us that there is 
 that at work in our Society, which, if not averted, 
 may beguile and corrupt, if not shake us as in a sieve, 
 till we be reduced to a little remnant. Oh, that we 
 may individually be concerned to know the will of our 
 Master ; doing neither more nor less, acting only in 
 the obedience of faith, making faith perfect, as saith 
 the Apostle James. 
 
 Farewell, my dear friend: think of me for good, 
 that I may hold out to the end safely. 
 
 To 
 
 Croydon, 5th of Tenth month, 1834. 
 
 Most fully do I ■ and many more unite in all thou 
 hast conveyed in thy last ; and especially in those 
 clear views thou hast received to give forth (as I be- 
 lieve) relative to the state of the church. My heart 
 salutes thee, and bids thee God speed on thy journey, 
 travail, and service ; desiring that no man, nor thing, 
 may hinder thee from doing all that thou hast to 
 do, in thy measure and in thy day, for Him and 
 his glory, for his cause and pedple, while life and 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 283 
 
 strength are graciously vouclisafed. Oh, how often 
 have I remembered thee, and thought of thee, as one 
 whom the Lord has made use of in an eminent man- 
 ner, to uncover and bring out to view the working 
 of the wily enemy, as it is this day ; and to manifest 
 the path of the Just One, and the work of God in and 
 among his people. As surely as I believe the views, 
 which we have ever held, to be according to Truth, so 
 I believe, that many up and down are preparing to 
 acknowledge and einbrace them ;' and that the old- 
 fashioned testimonies-which are upheld in our early 
 Friends' writings, will come to be admired and sought 
 out. Oh, surely, there is a goodly company without 
 our pale, who may even take the places and the crowns 
 of those, (be they who they may within the camp,) 
 that desert the cause, which once was dear to them, 
 and which they honored, but who now seek to un- 
 dermine, lay waste or make of none effect ; endea- 
 voring also to lower the standard, and make it square 
 with their own notions and practice. It seems t6 
 me, that the snares and temptations are more and 
 more seen through by Friends at large, especially the 
 lowly, contrite, little, teachable ones — the poor of the 
 flock. 
 
 I have been absent from home three months this 
 summer in Cornwall, etc., having liberty for religious 
 service among Friends, as way might open ; and found 
 myself obliged to join hands with a beloved Friend, in 
 visiting the families of Falmouth Monthly Meeting. I 
 have had much occasion to notice, that, though the stand- 
 
284 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 ing of many seems in slippery places and on shifting 
 ground, and many of understanding may yet fall, 
 there is nevertheless a worthy remnant, whose hands, 
 though hanging down, I trust will not let go their 
 hold of that which they have truly handled, and which 
 they know to be their only hope, strength and safety. 
 No convulsion apparently awaits us, it might be better 
 for us if it were so ; — no, no ; the enemy is wiser than 
 to foment this : only let us be induced to give up the 
 true foundation for another, and he promises so gently 
 and peaceably to glide us on it, that we shall not know 
 it ; except that it will be less rugged and hard to flesh 
 and blood without any cross or struggle ; and there 
 shall be nothing taken from us that we may aflFect to 
 prize, such as our customs and traditions, our church 
 system, and so forth, — nothing shall be disturbed of 
 all this ; and all the professors, and the world too, shall 
 love us the better. How instructive it is to see, that 
 the most eminently gifted instruments are only really 
 useful, while in the Divin« hand and ordering; and 
 that the Almighty is not bound to work by them, but 
 as he sees meet ; and he can raise up striplings, that 
 no flesh should glory ! It is the distinguishing feature 
 of this heresy, that it runs among the rich, and the 
 great, and learned, and the eloquent, and the gifted 
 and experienced. Oh, that all who are not with us 
 would even go out from us, and show their true co- 
 lors ; it would be more honorable, than to be endeavor- 
 ing to insinuate something else among us, which our 
 fathers could not, neither can we adopt, — nay, which 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 285 
 
 we protested against, and came out from, when we be- 
 came a people. 
 
 Thy affectionate remembrance of us is very precious ; 
 and it is our sincere desire, that thou wilt continue to 
 think of us for good, who often feel very sensible what 
 poor unworthy unprofitable things we are, and how we 
 are borne with and favored ! Farewell, my beloved 
 friend ; may the Most High be our shield and exceed- 
 ing great reward, and a very present help in trouble ! 
 
 J. B. 
 
286 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 To . 
 
 Croydon, Tenth month, 1834. 
 My beloved friends, 
 
 I AM ready to believe you would not attribute my 
 silence to neglect or want of feeling, were I even longer 
 to forbear to communicate by pen and ink. I trust we 
 are too much like epistles written in one another's 
 hearts, that this should have place. Be assured, how- 
 ever, that it is very pleasant to salute you from my 
 home. 
 
 I visited dear W. Byrd, and found him comfortable 
 in mind ; he had lately been taken into the garden, and 
 was placed by the grave of his wife for a short time. 
 I thought him more bright and clear, and collected in 
 his faculties and memory, than when his wife was liv- 
 ing. The retrospect of my journey leaves nothing 
 but peace hitherto ; and my vnlj disquietude is, lest I 
 should not duly estimate this blessing, with those also 
 that have attended me throughout. I think nothing 
 has failed of what it seemed given me to expect before- 
 hand would be allotted and meted out. It has been 
 an instructive humbling time ; and in this I rejoice 
 greatly, for there is no state, I so desire to be pre- 
 served in, as that of pure dependence, fear, and ten- 
 
OB JOHN BARCLAY. 287 
 
 derness of spirit. I gave in my report to our Montlily 
 Meeting, and endeavored to stir up the poor flagging 
 mind to faith, zeal, and love ; but things are flat now- 
 a-days : sometimes under a sense of it, one is ready 
 to say,-" My soul is sick with sighing," and " Oh, that 
 I had in the wilderness a lodging-place !" etc. Yet, 
 at other times, when favored to rise above a selfish 
 interest and anxiety, one cannot but see it is very 
 needful there should be a falling away first, that the 
 man of sin may be revealed, and more and more dis- 
 covered, and that Zion may be more and more redeemed 
 through judgment, and saved as by fire. Oh, may 
 nothing in low and trying seasons be permitted to 
 intervene and trouble as unprofitably, either as to our 
 individual lot and state, or as regards our precious 
 fellowship and unity in that which is unchangeable, or 
 as to the state of the church or the world ; but may 
 we continue in faith and patience to the end. J. B. 
 
 [In a letter to another friend about the same date, 
 alluding to his late journey, he says :J — " Though the 
 humiliations have been frequent and great, a sense of 
 preserving help has never been withheld in the need- 
 ful measure, and at the needful time. I have found 
 no wonderful enlargement ; but in my little way, have 
 endeavored to sympathize with the suffering seed, the 
 wrestling remnant, who are concerned above all things 
 to maintain the testimony of Jesus, by dying daily to 
 themselves. And the Lord will still keep these in the 
 hollow of His hand ; and, amidst all exercises and 
 
288 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 tribulations, such will grow. May we ever be counted 
 worthy of taking our lot among this number, drinking 
 into one spirit." 
 
 To 
 
 16th of Twelfth month, 1834. 
 
 Unless we have forfeited our privileges as Christians, 
 and are utterly lost to all right feeling of Divine help, 
 is it not natural and likely, and consistent with the 
 provisions of Divine wisdom, that as our day is, so 
 should our strength be ? And ! the invincible, the 
 unutterable strength of the true faith, even but a 
 grain ; — it is calculated to overcome the world and 
 the transient things of it ; as embraced and laid hold 
 of, and cleaved unto, it makes U|S heirs of life, and 
 gives victory over death. Oh, then, what cause, and 
 also what ability may we find, even to " rejoice ever- 
 more, and in everything to give thanks," as John 
 Woolman told his attendant, — for this is, indeed, the 
 will and purpose of God in Christ Jesus concerning us, 
 that thus we should "glorify him in the fires." Our busi- 
 ness is to stay ourselves upon the Lord, and fully to 
 realize the truth, that all things will be found to work 
 together, and to have happened, for the very best, to 
 those that above all things desire to love and serve 
 Him. May we more and more exercise ourselves in 
 these views, that we may in nowise be moved by these 
 or any afflictions ; but that the further we go, the more 
 we may witness of the Lord's wonders in the deeps, 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAir. . 289 
 
 and be confirmed in the experieiiee of his mercy, faith- 
 fulness, and strength ; though it should be continually 
 made manifest and made perfect in our abundant weak- 
 ness. The times and the seasons are well left in His 
 hand, who ordereth or overruleth all things well. And 
 in the present low and trying state of things, it is not 
 to be wondered at, that oppression and obstruction are 
 permitted to be felt, to the bowing down of the very 
 souls of some ! 
 
 To 
 
 Croydon, 5th of First month, 1835. 
 
 Thy communication of the 6th ultimo, was very 
 welcome and refreshing to us. Oh, how remarkable 
 are the ways of omnipotent Wisdom, infinite Love ! 
 As Penington somewhere says, — if its outgoings are 
 stopped in one direction, it will break out with propor- 
 tionate beauty and force in another. Oh ! what can 
 the enemy do, to hinder the glorious arising and irre- 
 sistible spread of the gospel of Truth and salvation ? 
 He may vaunt and do great things for a while, such as 
 may, if it were possible, delude and carry away the 
 very elect ; and all the world may wonder at the beast ; 
 but the Lamb and his followers must and shall have 
 the victory ; and the kingdom and dominio'n are given 
 to the saints, even the tribulated witnesses and par- 
 takers of that power and faith of Jesus Christ, against 
 which the gates of hell itself shall never be able to 
 prevail. Though it would be very pleasant to be pe\^ 
 25 
 
290 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS. 
 
 sonally near to thee, and to the numerous company 
 ■whom thou and I have seen coming forth of the barren 
 wilderness of professions into the green pastures of 
 life, and into the quiet habitation where none can make 
 afraid, — yet it seems as if my right allotment for the 
 present might be far otherwise ; and with that and 
 every condition I am desirous to be well content, in 
 the hopfr and assurance, that while in this state of re- 
 signation, nothing can be better for me, and all things 
 shall turn to my good, and tend to His honor, who is 
 all worthy forever. 
 
 It seems indeed as if the Lord was mustering his 
 host for battle, — his little remnant whom He ever 
 delights to hide in the hollow of his hand, while they 
 are singly given up to serve Him in true-heartedness : 
 sometimes also He signally commands deliverances for 
 them, though the enemy may seem to be coming in as 
 a flood, and ready to devour all before him. But what, 
 as thou writest, shall we say to these things ? Is there 
 not occasion for us, through all that we meet with here, 
 in everything to rejoice and to give thanks. " Tlie 
 Lord liveth, and blessed be our Rock ;" "because He 
 liveth,'* whose mercies are so renewed to us, do we 
 " live also" from day to day, and have at times a pre- 
 cious degree of hope given to us, that we shall outlive 
 all that can happen to us here, and be safely landed 
 in the end, where joy and peace abound for evermore. 
 Oh, then, may we each in our allotment of labor, suf- 
 fering, or rejoicing, fill up our measure ; and work 
 with a good heart, while it is day, — while we see the 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 291 
 
 way open before us, — in full assurance of faith and 
 love : turning neither to the right hand nor to the left, 
 and endeavoring (for we cannot always succeed herein,) 
 to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of sound 
 and true peace. I rejoice in every opening and ap- 
 pearance of good among any people ; but I cannot 
 rejoice in finding a falling short of that, in which 
 divine grace would establish all who know its teach- 
 ings. Some of us seem to be made more use of, in 
 the way of inviting, attracting, grafting, and gathering, 
 — others in proving, confirming, settling, and further- 
 ing those, who are brought into the fold or planted in 
 the inclosure. I long that none of the laborers, among 
 you more particularly, may interfere in their own will 
 and wisdom with the services of others, that our com- 
 fort with the Lord, and one in another, may not be 
 marred. May we all be builded together, and seek 
 also to build up one another, in the main thing — our 
 holy faith, which stands in power, in truth, in love, in 
 peace, and in the abasement of the creature. Oh, may 
 this blessed work, with you and everywhere else, 
 go forward, notwithstanding all opposition or mis- 
 givings ; and may all that would let, with every 
 weight, be laid aside, and removed out of the way, 
 saith my soul ! 
 
 Whatever may \jf: the good pleasure of Him who 
 raised us up by the breath of his word, with regard to 
 our undisturbed enjoyment of those sweet privileges 
 of fellowship together, as a visibly distinct body of 
 which we have so long and so unworthily partaken, — 
 
292 LETTERS AND MBM0KANDUM6 
 
 it is more and more clear to me that the faithful, and 
 those that humhle themselves in the dust before Him, 
 will never be utterly forsaken or forgotten ; that these 
 will never be altogether disappointed of their confi- 
 dence, though they have the bread of affliction and 
 water of adversity administered for a long season and 
 in large measure : the Lord will still have a people 
 peculiarly formed for Himself, who shall purely show 
 forth his praise, and be enabled to lift up His standard 
 to the nations. Those who love our Lord Jesus Christ 
 in very truth, not feignedly, and who in proof thereof 
 are given up to follow Him in the regeneration and 
 daily cross, I trust will not be permitted to be moved 
 by afflictions, nor carried away by delusions, nor ex- 
 alted by abundance of revelations, nor turned d;side by 
 the business or the pleasures, the cares or the riches 
 of this life, or by love of other things ; but these are 
 concerned to lie low before the Lord, and to be cruci- 
 fied with Christ, that so they may say in truth, " I 
 live, yet not I, but Christ liveth " and moveth and 
 reigneth " in me." J. B. ' 
 
 To 
 
 12th of First month, 1835. 
 
 I understood to say that she believed, from the 
 
 extensive opportunities she had had of judging among 
 all kinds of churches and professions, that the enemy 
 was busily at work to scatter and divide; and that 
 therefore we had great need of care that we do not hia 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 293 
 
 work, by giving way to unfounded or unnecessary sur- 
 misings, or misgivings, or apprehensions as to the ex- 
 istence of defection in doctrine among us. So far 
 from uniting with this sentiment in an unqualified 
 manner, it seems to me that, though the enemy is 
 busily at work, as has been said, this is not all; but 
 that the Lord also is at work, breaking up the false 
 rests and old formal settlements of people, and saying 
 to many, "Why seek ye the living among the dead?" 
 and his design in all these shakings, and sittings, and 
 overturnings is, that that which cannot be shaken may 
 be manifested and may remain ; that men may see that 
 it will not do any longer to go after the Lo ! heres, or 
 Lp ! theres, in this or that system of observations ; but 
 that the kingdom and power are to be found within. 
 And so is Christ's own language fulfilling : " I came 
 not to send peace, (that is false peace,) but, rather di- 
 vision." He is separating, and will make a clean 
 separation, between the precious and the vile, and is 
 purging away all old leavens of refined error as well as 
 open evil! And we, who look for all things being 
 made and kept new, pure and of God, and who desire 
 all old things to be done away that are not wrought in 
 God, should not shrink or be afraid. We that desire 
 to be searched and tried, also to prove all things and 
 to be wholly given up to the Lord and his guidance, 
 should not .give way to unreasonable or unwarranted 
 fears, lest we be doing the enemy's work, — but simply 
 to eye our Captain ; and if He show us the enemy at 
 work, attempting to insinuate poison into the church, 
 25* 
 
294 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 and put us upon resisting and withstanding Mm and 
 those deluded by Mm, — this is not the work of the 
 enemy which thus engages us ; for Satan never yet 
 did cast out Satan. The giving place to such fears 
 would lead us to esteem the guidance and instructions 
 of our holy Head by his Spirit uncertain and ques- 
 tionable ; whereas the way of the Truth is a plain way, 
 so that the wayfaring man, though a fool, is not to err 
 therein ; that is, as he looks to the Lord alone, and 
 does not lean to his own understanding. J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 Stli of Second month, 1835. 
 May the blessings of heaven above and of the earth 
 beneath attend you and yours, — the blessing which 
 makes mo^t truly rich, and adds thereto no sting of 
 sorrow ! This has been my secret petition in some of 
 my best moments, when thinking of you ; and surely 
 I shall be excused for telling, you so. There is that 
 which crowns all other blessings, as you well know; — • 
 there is that, (let the thoughtless, the unfeeling heart 
 say what it may,) without which our very blessings are 
 of no benefit to us, and every gift of Divine providence 
 and grace is liable to be perverted and abused, instead 
 of being faithfully held in trust, and duly appreciated 
 and applied, to the enduring good of ourselves and of 
 all with whom we have to do. This is nothing less 
 than a sense of the presence, counsel and aid of Him 
 
01 JOHN BARCLAY. 295 
 
 •who giveth us all things richly to enjoy, and will gra- 
 ciously condescend to show us how we may use these 
 things as not abusing them ; how we may no longer 
 live to ourselves, but whether we eat or drink, or what- 
 ever we do, may do all to His glory. May this, Bay 
 dear , be the first object in our eye, the very busi- 
 ness of our lives, in all we undertake, in all we have 
 to pass through. Then shall we not fail of that in- 
 heritance which our dear Lord and Saviour purchased 
 for us by his coming and by his death ; then shall we 
 be Christians indeed ; and when our little moment of 
 probation is over, the eternal weight of unmingled joy 
 and glory shall follow. J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 Croydon, Sixth month, 1835. 
 
 No sooner was my eye opened to see the excellency 
 there is in the Truth, now just above twenty years ago, 
 than I began to appreciate the blessed experience re- 
 corded by those worthies, (our early Friends,) who, in 
 the same line of testimony, were counted worthy, as it 
 were, afresh to cast up the way and revive the ancient 
 simplicity of the gospel. Since that time, poor and 
 feeble as I feel myself, and unworthy to bear the pre- 
 cious name by which we are called, — in the midst of 
 blushing at my own dwarfishness and abundant occa- 
 sion of humiliation and of exercise, I may say, that this 
 feeling and love to the pure cause of Truth, as professed 
 by our Society, has never slackened.- How animating 
 
296 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDTJMS 
 
 it is, and comforting to believe, as I have done at this 
 time, in the reading of thy letter, and observing your 
 exercises and efforts [in America] on account of this 
 most precious cause, — that the Lord hath not forsaken 
 . those who desire to cleave to him with full surrender 
 of themselves ; that He is still near to help in the 
 needful time, to limit the power of the enemy, and lift 
 up a standard against him, and to overrule all for the 
 good of those that fear Him. ! how little do we 
 know of the designs of His wisdom and goodness to 
 his church. His people are permitted to be bowed 
 down,, afflicted, oppressed ; He chastens them and mi- 
 nishes-them, and then (as the history of the church 
 sets forth) He raises them up by his own arm of power 
 beyond all expectation. He even works by poor, lit- 
 tle, feeble instruments, and in unlikely ways, till bo 
 has effected, through suffering, the enlargement, 
 strengthening and glorifying of the house of his glory. 
 Isaiah Ix., Ixi., &c. 
 
 It is remarkable, that there is a numerous body of 
 scattered and hidden seekers, who have tried all other 
 ways, and retired from them more or less, and who 
 are sincerely looking to the spirituality of religion, 
 and to us as holding up this view. By these the most 
 primitive productions are increasingly sought and 
 prized. 
 
 With regard to cutting down some of our journals, 
 &c., I have always looked upon this as a delicate or 
 difficult matter to do unobjectionably. We are too apt, 
 unconsciously to ourselves, to choose that which in our 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAT. 297 
 
 present state and turn of mind we are impressed with, 
 or that which the present tendencies and exigencies 
 of the times seems to us to call for, and possihly, — ^for 
 often it has been so, — to the unequal upholding of di- 
 vine truth, or a partial exhibition of the character and 
 line of testimony which a Friend in his life-time main- 
 tained. This, doubtless can be much guarded against 
 by a judicious hand, and under best direction; but 
 still I have been afraid of pharaphrasing upon or ex- 
 tracting the experience of others, — we may so readily 
 give an aspect or coloring different from the original 
 document. There has been, in my opinion, ever- since 
 the creeping in of degeneracy, a correspondent en- 
 deavor to refine upon, to remodel and soften down the 
 rugged, plain truths delivered by these ancients ; and 
 I think I see this in many of the publications that have 
 of late years issued from the press. The more pure 
 days of the church yield to me much the most interest- 
 ing and impressive experience. ! how is the sim- 
 plicity overborne even in delicate minds, now-a-days ; 
 how refined, how self-indulgent and full of reasonings 
 are we ! At what a low ebb in many places is our 
 ministry ; even strangers noticing the change, and the 
 approach to their pulpit eloquence. Scripture words, 
 indeed there are, yet often attended with but little of 
 that authority, weight, savor and life which tends to 
 baptize and bow down the spirits of all, and to hum- 
 ble the creature under the mighty hand of Him who 
 worketh all in all. Surely, among many causes, our 
 being so mixed up with all sorts of people, sometimes 
 
298 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 for purposes very good in themselves, has contributed 
 to this state of things: "strangers" to the life of 
 Christ inwardly revealed have " devoured our strength." 
 — Hosea vii. 9. I must conclude with saying, May 
 the Lord, by his power, interpose and show us whence 
 we have fallen, and preserve us from falling still more 
 generally and utterly ! 
 
 Farewell ! I shall be pleased to hear from thee, 
 whenever thou hast occasion or liberty to address me ; 
 and sometimes, at least, think of me as one that longs 
 to endure to the end, to hold fast faith and patience, 
 till the Lord say, "It is enough." I remain a poor 
 and weak brother. < J. B. 
 
 [In the third month of this year, he became very 
 ill with a severe attack of influenza, and was reduced 
 to such a feeble state of health, as to afford little hopes 
 of his recovery, either to himself or to those around 
 him. In this very weak condition, he was desirous of 
 being removed to the Isle of Wight for change of air, 
 which was accomplished by slow degrees and great 
 care ; and at the end of ten days the improvement was 
 surprising. During the summer of this year, by fre- 
 quent change of air, he was favored to regain nearly 
 his former state of health; but, in the Ninth month, 
 in returning with his wife from a journey in the west 
 of England, he was again attacked with inflammation 
 in the knee-joint, which was so severe, that he became 
 from that time almost wholly deprived of further use 
 of the limb : great pain and suffering came on, and it 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 299 
 
 was not until many weeks after, that he could be re- 
 moved home. During this afflicting dispensation, 
 whilst laid up at the house of a Friend at Melksham, 
 who, with his wife, were very kind and most attentive 
 to him, he wrote thus : — J 
 
 I hope there is no cause for discouragement on my 
 account up to this time : I trust I have some sense of 
 the tender mercies of Him, who deals gently with me ! 
 But I think there is no need to express much to thee, 
 as to my feelings and state of mind, in reference to 
 this dispensation of Providence. Thou knowest I wish 
 to hope the best, and to prepare for what may seem 
 the worst, — to be prepared for all that may be in store 
 for me : and this is what I desire for all who are near 
 and dear to me. How much occasion there is to pos- 
 sess, as though we possessed not, and as those that are 
 liable to be cut off from any of these enjoyments at a 
 moment ! May we be strengthened to take every cup 
 as at the Lord's hand, and He will not fail to sweeten 
 it. J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 26th of Eleventh munth, 1»35. 
 "Day unto day uttereth speech;" and while every 
 day brings with it its peculiar duties and trials, there 
 is enough of mercy and help manifested to give abun- 
 dant occasion for the engagement ; " While I live will 
 I praise the Lord ; I will rejoice and give thanks while 
 I have any being." Oh! that you may have found. 
 
300 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 and may always find, the Lord near to you in the time 
 of need, as your bow and bactle-axe, your shield and 
 refuge ! I feel persuaded the Lord would do wonder- 
 fully for you, and make you a blessing to many ; that 
 He waits and watches over you for good, to build 
 you up, and to enable you to build one another 
 up in the most holy invincible faith ; to animate and 
 strengthen each other in the good work, — to hold the 
 beginning of your confidence steadfast unto the end, — 
 to endure hardness, run with patience, war a good war- 
 fare, and win the unspeakable prize of salvation. 
 Faithful is He that hath called, who also will accom- 
 plish all that He hath promised, if we do but cleave 
 close to Him, and trust in Him at all times, pouring 
 out our hearts before Him, and giving up all, even 
 what is most near and dear to flesh and blood. . How 
 much hath He brought about, how great things hath 
 He wrought; — the strong men, the high towers and 
 fenced walls, and pleasant pictures, hath He marred, 
 and the lofty city laid low. He hath in exchange 
 given to apprehend the simplicity, the excellency there 
 is in the Truth. What a high calling, what, a talent 
 is consigned to us ! See that thou magnify His work, 
 said one : and ! that our desires may be from day to 
 day renewed, that Christ and His thorough work may be 
 exalted over all, in and by us, come life or death, come 
 wintry storms or genial sunshine across our path. 
 
 J. B. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 301 
 
 To . 
 
 13th of Twelfth month, 1835. 
 I hope you both live in a thorough willingness to 
 come up to the help of the good cause. What a self- 
 saving, self-serving spirit is abroad; shrinking and 
 skulking, instead of exposing all, life and reputation, 
 laying down all for the brethren, for the church, for 
 the Truth, for the Lord ! May you be strengthened 
 and animated to know what is your part and duty ; for 
 some are to be saviours on Mount Zion, to turn the 
 battle to the gate. He that saveth his life shall lose 
 it, — he that hateth not father and mother, &c., yea, 
 and his own life also, cannot be Christ's disciple ; — how 
 awful ! Why have we not that holy zeal, and weighty 
 concern, and true call, to break down the altars of 
 Baal, — to warn, to rebuke sharply, to cut down de- 
 ceit ? ! that I may be found, during my few re- 
 maining days, fulfilling this course, and, through all, 
 dying daily ! J- B. 
 
 To . 
 
 Stoke Newington, First month, 1836. 
 My dear friend, 
 
 I have delayed longer than I wished to answer thy 
 brotherly communication of Eighth month last; one 
 indirect cause of which, perhaps I may say, has been 
 my own invalid condition ; which has laid me by on the 
 Bofa for more than three months, a cripple reduced to 
 crutches ; and suffering some considerable pain at 
 26 
 
302 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 times, but far more from restlessness, helplessness, and 
 various feelings of infirmity not readily enumerated. 
 Inflammation, which had attacked my knee-joint nearly 
 three years ago, and by which I had been greatly tried, 
 was renewed upon me ; and, notwithstanding all means 
 used, I have not been able to bear any weight upon the 
 leg, nor to lift it off the other, when lying across it, 
 except by hand. Thus situated, wearisome days and 
 nights have been my portion ; attentions to the poor 
 body have much taken me up, and perhaps shut me out 
 from much active participation in many things that-have 
 been passing. Yet this only in a certain way ; — for never 
 have I had a livelier interest, and, as I think, a clearer 
 sense of things up and down. As " the tidings" reach 
 me in my chamber, of different movements and cir- 
 cumstances that transpire, my mind seems permitted 
 to travel on into the future, and to see what some are 
 contriving and concerting to strengthen their cause, 
 and to possess themselves as it were of the strongholds 
 and the passages. 
 
 ! the deceit and the workings of that spirit, in 
 those that despise and forsake the light of Christ in 
 their own consciences ! Yet through all, though I 
 have sorrowful cause to believe some of understanding 
 must and will fall, yea, many tall and beautiful cedars, 
 I never felt more strongly confirmed in the ground 
 taken by our early Friends, and in the belief that all 
 will be made (as thou expressest it) to work together 
 for the good of the poor little remnant, who are con- 
 cerned through all sufferings to keep to this ground 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 303 
 
 I often feel inwardly cheered and animated, in the 
 midst of the most gloomy prospects : for the power of 
 Truth is the same that it ever was ; and the Lord can 
 confound, even by feeble instruments and unlikely 
 means. It matters not through whom help comes, so 
 that it comes from Him that made heaven and earth, 
 and has set a bound to the roaring waves. 
 
 I often think of the language of one of our ancients 
 on his death-bed, " The Spirit that now lives and 
 reigns in me, shall yet break forth in thousands :" — 
 and -this is my full belief, even if the number of active 
 and influential members in our Yearly Meeting were 
 greatly diminished or even swept away. The Lord can 
 turn the fruitful field into barrenness, and make the 
 desert to blossom as the rose. J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 stoke Newington, 2d of Second month, 1836. 
 I can truly say, that with me often there has been 
 no want of feeling and sympathy, where I have been 
 but little drawn forth into expression, perhaps checked 
 in myself from it : not that there are in the mind un- 
 pleasant reserves in such cases ; but, on the contrary, 
 this course naturally leads to great plainness, undis- 
 guised simplicity, ^.nd honesty towards all. It is in 
 mv view of much importance to endeavor to maintain 
 entire the "uncorruptness," the genuineness, the un- 
 sophisticated artlessness, which is of the Truth. Every 
 little habit, every compliance with custom iu things 
 
304 lETTEKS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 tbat are thought indifferent, and -which trenches upon 
 these, endangers the tender principle of life ; and in- 
 directly, perhaps almost imperceptibly, lands us in 
 bondage, impedes us in a straightforward, unaffected 
 course of acting, thinking, and judging. Thus the 
 mind and character become involved and prejudicially 
 affected. The character of George Fox is as good an 
 illustration as I can give of -what I desire in this respect 
 for myself and for my friends. If I might venture to 
 throw in a little counsel, who am sensible that I also 
 am not above the need of it most certainly, — I would 
 say, in a very tender feeling with thee, under what- 
 ever occasion of disquietude, " Look not so much at 
 them, as for the poor mind to be much taken up there- 
 with ; endeavor to look over them up to Him, who or- 
 de.rs all things that concern us, and will not lay any- 
 thing out for us to pass through, but what is really . 
 needful for us. Do not let us dwell too much upon 
 anything that happens to us ; but let us simply seek 
 to be conducted through the circumstances that attend 
 us, and our allotted conflicts, with filial simplicity of 
 submission, and in a cheerful surrender of our all into 
 the hands of our tender Shepherd and Preserver, our 
 Father, and ever constant Friend. When we reflect 
 upon the low condition we are in, it is seen to be a 
 great mercy that we are not left to ourselves, but are 
 led about and instructed by many painful dispensa- 
 tions. And when we look at the trials of the faithful 
 in all ages, bitter almost in proportion to their faith- 
 fulness ; also at the sufferings of the church, as wel] 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 305 
 
 as of the Head of the church ; what are we, that we 
 should be spared, — or, rather, what are we, that we 
 should be honored with them ? How light are our 
 grievances, how great are our privileges and mercies, 
 how gently are we dealt, with. We are as wayward 
 children, that are ready to complain, if aught be taken 
 from us, with which we might have injured ourselves. 
 Ah ! like as a father or a mother pitieth a babe, so 
 doth He, who watcheth over us for good ! ' J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 8t.h of Second month, 1836. 
 
 " I will show him how great things he must suffer 
 for my name's sake ;" and great tribulations must be 
 .passed, through, in order to have our garments washed 
 and kept clean in and by the blood of the Lamb. 
 These have often the sentence of death in themselves, 
 that they should not trust in themselves nor in any 
 other, but in the Lord Jesus Christ. Bonds and afflic- 
 tions may and must await them ; yet none of these 
 things move them, for they know they are appointed 
 thereunto, even as it was appointed unto their Captain 
 to be made perfect through suffering. Indeed, it is 
 by these dispensations they live ; that is, through their 
 submission and faithfulness in them ; and in all these 
 things the spiritual life is exercised, maintained and 
 even raised — though they, as poor worms, may be 
 trampled upon and be very low in their own estima- 
 26* 
 
306 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 tion, and may be ready often to say, " Surely I shall 
 go softly all my days in the bitterness of my spirit." 
 I long greatly for thee, as for my own soul, and for 
 every one that is raised up to stand as a monument of 
 mercy, truth and righteousness in and unto the church ; 
 that neither heights nor depths, principalities nor 
 powers, things present nor things to come, may ever 
 be able to separate us from that clear manifestation of 
 Divine love, in which we have felt near to Him who 
 has visited our souls, and one to another. May we, 
 my dear friend, and all that are near and dear to each 
 of us in the covenant of light and life, go onward in 
 that faith which gives the victory, — laying aside every 
 weight, every hindering thing, every discouragement ; 
 enduring and holding out to the end of all these bonds, 
 trials, temptations, humiliations, fastings, bruises, or 
 occasions of disquietude that may attend, esteeming 
 nothing strange which may prove even as a fiery trial ; 
 but rather counting it all joy that we are found wor- 
 thy to suiFer in anywise for His cause who suffered so 
 much before us and for us, that He might open us a 
 way out of this prison-house and place of proving. My 
 dear friend, my mind is enlarged and my eye opened 
 to see something of the excellency of that quiet habi- 
 tation where none can make afraid — where the Lord 
 is "our peace," having ordained peace for us, and be- 
 ing the portion of our cup. Though the earth be re- 
 moved, and the mountains carried away, our hearts 
 are then fixed and stayed: though a host encamp 
 against us — " though Thou thyself slay me, I yet will 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY., 307 
 
 trust in thee ," " though I walk in the midst of trouble, 
 thou wilt revive me;" "though I pass through the 
 valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,", for 
 even there shall thy right hand lead me, and help me, 
 and save me. It is in my best moments, when such 
 considerations as these weigh duly and fully on my 
 poor, weak spirit, that I feel that the present afflictions 
 are comparatively light indeed. However dark may 
 appear to be the heavens above, however inclement the 
 elements around, though the proud waters may seem 
 to come in unto our own souls as individuals, and the 
 church laboring and tossing like a little vessel in the 
 mighty deep, — yet the Governor being on board, the 
 Controller of winds and waves. He is engaged to con- 
 duct her safely through all that He permits or ap- 
 points ; and not one of those who commit themselves 
 to Him is made desolate. Doubtless many will fall 
 on the right hand and on the left ; for it seems 
 a tiniie of sifting and shaking, and but only just begun. 
 But I must not distress thee — cheer up ; for if Jeru- 
 salem become as heaps, our holy, invincible Head can 
 raise up the stones of the streets to be children", can 
 comfort all her waste places, and make the streets 
 thereof full of boys and girls playing, as the prophet 
 says: "Therefore," adds he, "love the Truth and 
 peace," — so will I save you, and ye shall be a bless- 
 ing; "fear not, but let your hands be strong." 
 
 J. B. 
 
308 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 To 
 
 stoke Newjngton, 19th of Second month, 1836. 
 
 My dear friend, 
 
 It is a pleasure to greet such as thyself and dear 
 husband, with others in your parts who retain, or aro 
 endeavoring to maintain, your integrity uncorrupted, 
 uninfluenced by the changeable principles, and shift- 
 ing, manoeuvring, unworthy motives, and line of action 
 BO manifestly prevalent in our day and in our borders. I 
 have thought, — and the thought springs up afresh while 
 I write, — what made them what they were, and what 
 alone can preserve any ? If they deny and turn away 
 from this holy principle of light and life, what must they 
 not come to, whoever they be, whatever station, gifts, 
 &c., they may possess or have possessed. And is it 
 anything very strange that the consequences should be 
 commensurate with the cause ; and that wherever a 
 wrong spirit is let in, it should eat as doth a canker, 
 and spread as a leprosy ? Well, these things are come 
 to pass, as some foresaw and foretold ; and unless 
 stopped or limited by an overruling hand, they seem 
 likely yet to extend. It is not Beaconism merely, any 
 more than it was Hicksism alone, that the enemy has 
 a preference for, as if he had no other forms of delu- 
 sion or removes from the Truth,-and semblances of it, 
 wherewith to tempt the church. When discovered in 
 one shape, he will put on another, — anything, it mat- 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 309 
 
 ters not how refined, beautiful and apparently excel- 
 lent, — if it but be not the very "Truth as it is in Jesus." 
 But I trust and believe you know this, and are per- 
 fectly and suflBciently taught, according to your need 
 and according to your measure, to be aware of his de- 
 vices. No divinations can prevail against the humble, 
 teachable followers of our Lord : they are preserved 
 in the hollow of His hand, and under His wing, and 
 he delights to tabernacle with them. ! that nothing 
 may turn these aside from following on to know the 
 Lord in the way that he I6ads — the good old way — 
 in the footsteps of the flock, whose faith they may 
 safely follow. J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 19th of Third month, 1836. 
 
 Thy last called forth many a fervent aspiration 
 for our mutual preservation, support, and advance- 
 ment. Ah ! we must cleave to our only sure refuge, 
 our stronghold, our very present Helper, and then all 
 will be well ; and we shall be conducted through all 
 our exercises and strait places, receiving the end of 
 our faith. It is sweet to be permitted, in travelling 
 along this weary land, to give and receive a greeting 
 in spirit, — to be refreshed together as before the Lord, 
 and to be made to feel that we are members one of 
 ' another ; that we are not without companions in war- 
 fare and suffering ; and cheered up by the countenance 
 of a friend, by even a few lines, or by a hearty exten- 
 
310 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 sion of the right hand of fellowship. It reminds me of 
 David, and of his friend Jonathan who " strengthened 
 his hand in God ;" and we may instructively and with- 
 out presumption refer to the circumstances of these 
 individuals, with some degree of application to our 
 own case. ! the trials and strait places in which 
 some of us are placed in the present day ; and how 
 clear does it appear, that if we flinch not, but are faith- 
 ful to all that the Lord requires of us, to be, to do and 
 to suffer for his cause and people, we shall be made 
 instruments, in our measure, to carry forward his good 
 work, to stand in the breach, and to be (whatever we 
 may think of ourselves) as saviours on mount Zion, to 
 judge the mount of Esau, yea, to turn the battle to 
 the gate. The Lord will assuredly, in his own time 
 and way, send deliverance for his little ones, for the 
 Lamb and his followers must have dominion and vie-: 
 tory. Those who are engaged on the Lord's side, and 
 bound to stand by and uphold his pure cause, cannot 
 escape the peculiar notice of the all-seeing eye of the 
 Captain of salvation, who will not fail to promote, to 
 honor, to make use of and to dignify His true-hearted, 
 firm-handed soldiers. So look ye to it ; and ! my 
 soul, look thou to it, that we lose not any portion of 
 that weight of glory which the Lord designs for us ; 
 any portion of that line of usefulness or of suffering 
 which should devolve upon us. Let us not plead any 
 excuses, whether it be trade, family, or our own mean- 
 ness or insignificance : nor yet, like one of old, say to 
 the servant of the Lord, " If thou wilt go with me. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 311 
 
 tnen I will go," &c., lest it be said, "The journey," or 
 the proceeding "shall not be for thine honor." 0! 
 for an unreserved sacrifice, and a going on in the 
 strength of the Lord, which is made perfect in weak- 
 ness ; and also a standing still in the true faith to see 
 and to wait for His salvation revealed, and His arm 
 tnade bare for our help.. I may assure thee, my dear 
 friend, that thy exercises and self-humiliating baptisms 
 are only such as are common to us all, and no -more 
 than needful for the best of us, — to drive us home to 
 the preserving Power, to lay us low and keep us there ; 
 and are rather marks how tenderly and how closely 
 our holy Head and High Priest, our keeper and shade 
 upon the right hand, hedges us about, as Satan said was 
 Job's favored lot ; not leiaving us to ourselves, as we 
 are ready to suppose ; but constantly interposing with 
 His fatherly chastenings and stripes ; — because He 
 loves us, and hath a purpose of his own glory in our 
 close proving and refining, as his choice jewels and 
 
 gold of Ophir. Dear , believe it is even so, in 
 
 all thy overturnings and tossings. Would He have 
 received a burnt-offering at our hands, and would He 
 have shown us all these things, if He were displeased 
 and ready to reject us ? as Manoah's wife pleaded. 
 Yea, though He slay thee, trust in Him ; — humble 
 thyself low before Him, and in due season all will 
 work together for thy exceeding good ; for thy great 
 enlargement in the things of God. Therefore, be 
 patient unto the coming, and through all the dispen- 
 sations, of thy wonderful Counsellor. I believe the 
 
312 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 little ones have no cause unduly to fear, or to let in 
 discouragement and doubts. However, though we 
 may be permitted to be trampled upon and broken to. 
 pieces, yet the blessed truth will outlive it all. 
 
 To 
 
 stoke Newington, 29tli of Third month, 1836. 
 
 My beloved friend, 
 
 It is a blessed privilege to be given to drink into 
 one Spirit, and to be renewedly baptized together ; so 
 that, whatever apparent occasions of interruption come 
 between, or clouds of temptation, floods of affliction, 
 mountains of opposition, wild wastes and howling 
 wildernesses, — we know that the Lord is over all ; we 
 know in whom we have believed ; — we know we have 
 passed from death unto life, because we love the breth- 
 ren ; and we know that He is able to keep that which 
 we have committed unto Him. Although since thou 
 wrote, I have had my portion of trial in many respects, 
 more than my outward allotment seemed to bring with 
 it ; in looking back, however, although my tears have 
 at times been as it were my meat day and night, yet 
 the Lord hath not been wanting to command His lov- 
 ing kindness in the day time, and in the night season 
 too ; His song has been with me, and my prayer has 
 been to the God of my life. I am even ready to think, 
 that it is through the prayers of many more fit to plead 
 prevailingly than myself, that I am now in the land of 
 the living, bodily and spiritually too ; — and as earnest 
 
OF JOHN BAECLAT. 313 
 
 and as willing at least, if not as able as ever I was, to 
 wield the weapons of our warfare, in a cause dear to 
 me as life itself, because crowned with immortality 
 and blessedness. I cannot say, " I shall not die, but 
 live and declare the works of the Lord;" but I can 
 say, " while I live will I praise the Lord ; I will sing 
 unto my God while I have my being." 
 
 My general health is wonderfully upheld, and I have 
 no suffering in my knee, apparently nothing but debil- 
 ity from disuse and disease ; yet this I am continually 
 sensible of, that my times are in His hand, and He 
 who has laid low, can do as it seems good in His sight, 
 even "raise up and confirm the feeble knees." Oh, what 
 encouragement to present and commit ourselves to Him 
 under every dispensation, and thus to be allowed to 
 feel, that whether we live or die, we are the Lord's. 
 Under precious feelings like these, when unable to at- 
 tend meetings, I have longed to be preserved, but as 
 one of tbe wrestling seed of worm Jacob ; who, when 
 he had rested on the pillow of stone, did not forget to 
 place it up as a pillar and a testimony to the Lord, 
 who appeared unto him, and spake comfortably to 
 him ; even that He was with him', and would keep him 
 in all .places whither he went ; and would not leave 
 him, but would fulfil all He had spoken to him of. 
 But what shall I say, "Though bonds and afflictions" 
 abide > yet through all, some of us are encouraged 
 beyond expectation, and are obliged to hope against 
 hope. — "I will leave in the midst of thee an afflicted 
 and poor people, and they shall trust in the name of 
 27 
 
314 LETTERS AND M3M0RANDUMS 
 
 the Lord :" — "a deceitful tongue shall not be found 
 in their mouth ; for they shall feed and lie down, 
 and none shall make them afraid." " It is enough for 
 the servant to be as his master:" — "Where I am, 
 there shall also my servant be," whether in tribulation 
 or otherwise. It is a fine lesson to learn, in whatso- 
 ever state we are permitted to be therewith to be con- 
 tent,— everywhere and in all things to be instructed. 
 
 The only time of late that I have been out to meet- 
 ing, was last First-day week, when I had a sweet time ; 
 my mind was clothed with grateful and humbling feel- 
 ings, to which I had to give utterance ; — " Oh, how 
 great is thy goodness !" etc. There may be^ thou 
 knowest, a great door, and an effectual one opened, 
 where there are many adversaries. I am privileged 
 with many visits from Friends, visitors, or strangers, 
 and sometimes have to speak very plainly to them on 
 our duty in these times, which I believe is, to be 
 honest, firm, and uncompromising. I have nearly 
 exhausted my paper, and a person would hardly know 
 from it that I had so many near and dear to me in 
 your county ; yet they know it, whether they see these 
 lines or not, and whether I expressly address them or 
 ' not : we are as living epistles to one another,' while 
 and so long as the ministration of the Spirit is im- 
 pressed upon our hearts. I cannot easily forget how 
 my poor, dull heart was made to yearn towards your 
 dear family, from one end to the other. 
 
 Parents peculiarly have to plough and sow with 
 tears, often feeling their ow:i. infirmities, and how 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 315 
 
 little they can do : but the Lord often interferes for 
 their help ; and perhaps, when they are laid in the 
 dust, brings about and fulfils all their petitions, even 
 to the letter. My love to Friends, and to the poor of 
 the flock, who wait upon the Lord for mercy ; grace 
 and peace be renewed unto them at all times. Fare- 
 well'; thy affectionate friend, J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 22d of Eighth month, 1836. 
 Thy last seemed to convey a low account. " Behold 
 we count them happy that endure ;" the spirit of 
 glory and of consolation is specially provided for 
 these : and however bitter the chastening may be at 
 the time, yet afterward it cannot but yield peaceable 
 and blessed fruits, to those rightly exercised, and 
 endeavoring to be given up thereto. The furnace is 
 even made and heated for the gold, and for nothing 
 else but that which is worth refining: therefore, what 
 a blessed thing to be counted worthy to be chastened, 
 as a dear child of the Lord, and not to be left to one's 
 self. Thou knowest not what are the all-wise, all- 
 merciful intentions of our Wonderful Counsellor to- 
 wards thee, and how he would work in, and for, and 
 also through, thee. Nothing is too -hard for Him ; 
 and all things are possible unto his simply obedient 
 children who believe, — He is able to do all things for 
 them ; these He will never leave nor forsake, but keep 
 in the hollow of His hand, and as the apple of the eye. 
 
316 IKTTEKS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 Not one trial, not one pang will such have to pass 
 through, more than there is a " need he" for, or more 
 than will he made to work, for good unto them, hoth 
 hevje and forever. My secret petition is, that you may 
 each discern what His good pleasure is concerning you, 
 and concerning each other, lest in anywise you mis- 
 take it ; and thus miss of anything that really belongs 
 to you. May you be wholly given up, and give np 
 each other freely to His ordering and service, whose 
 gifts you are to one another ; lest if there be even the 
 shadow of a withholding and drawing back, the Lord 
 should withdraw His hand so full of blessings temporal 
 and spiritual. We may easily reason away the tender 
 gentle touches of His hand, so as to doubt whether 
 they are the requirings of the Lord ; and those who 
 are very jealous of His honor, or clear in their dis- 
 cerning respecting the standing and stoppings and out- 
 goings of others, have the greater occasion to beware 
 of placing so strong a guard against all outgoings, as 
 to cramp or cripple either themselves, or those with 
 whom they have influence. These are days in which 
 the enemy would persuade some of us, that we had 
 better do nothing, lest we should do wrong, or, in our 
 attempts to aid the cause, only give pain and trouble to 
 the rightly exercised by our meddling. But, oh, how 
 otherwise is the- fact ! what preservation, what help, 
 what direction, and qualification, have the simple- 
 hearted received, whose strength is made perfect in 
 an humbling sense of their own weakness ; — out of 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAT. 317 
 
 •weakness they are made strong. My beloved friend, 
 I must go further, and urge on thee to weigh well, 
 (but without undue carefulness, discouragement, or 
 distrust,) whether there is not a call upon you to dou- 
 ble diligence in coming up, in a noble, disinterested, 
 unbending, and unblushing way, to the help of the 
 Lord and his church, ■ — to stand in the breach, and fill 
 up your ranks, as those that are deeply concerned for 
 the spreading, as well as the upholding of the testi- 
 monies of Truth. Ah ! it is high time that all who 
 have been awakened to a sense of the state of things 
 in our poor church, were " up," to retrieve and turn 
 the battle to the gate. The enemy and his willing 
 instruments are busy indeed ; we see the fruits spring- 
 ing forth on every hand ; and there are few given up 
 to withstand him in a true-hearted, uncompromising 
 plainness and boldness. May we then join in an un- 
 qualified surrender of our all, to the disposing of Him, 
 who would work in us and for us, and also through us 
 mightily, to the subduing of all within us that would 
 chose, or refuse, or chalk out our own line for our- 
 selves, entrenching ourselves in the rectitude of our 
 own wills and counsels : whereas, we should be tender 
 as the growing vine, and teachable as the weaned babe, 
 — no fretting, — but with mortified wills even slain 
 and nailed to the cross; The time is verily come, when 
 men shall be, and are, lovers of their own selves, I 
 know ; but the time is also coming, when, if I have 
 any true vision of what shall be the end and issue of 
 27* 
 
'318 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 these shaking times, men shall not love their lives unto 
 death ; but lay down their lives for the brethren, fore- 
 go their ceiled houses, their "pleasant bread," and 
 their couches of ivory, their boats and their nets, and 
 their father, to become fishers of men, and count all 
 things but loss. 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAT. 319 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 [In the course of the summer and autumn of 1836, 
 J. B. passed some time by the seaside^ with benefit to 
 his general health. Whilst at Brighton, in the Eleventh 
 month, under an apprehension of religious duty, he 
 addressed his Monthly Meeting as follows :] 
 
 TO GRAOB-CHURCH STREET MONTHLY MEETING OF 
 FRIENDS. 
 
 Brighton, 9th of Eleventh month, 1836. 
 
 Dear Friends : 
 
 In the love of our heavenly Father, my soul at this 
 time salutes his faithful children among you, of all de- 
 grees, who love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity, and 
 can call him " Lord," and bow before Him : desiring 
 that an increase of all spiritual blessings may be known 
 amongst us through Him, our Head and High Priest, 
 and only hope of glory. 
 
 It seems best for me to acquaint you, that while at 
 this place for the benefit of my health, a weighty feel- 
 ing of duty has revived and fastened on my mind, to 
 pay a religious visit to the Friends in this place from 
 house to house ; a work which, as regards a consider 
 
320 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 • able portion of this Quarterly Meeting, I was enabled 
 to perform soltne few years ago, but did not then see 
 my way further, so as to embrace this particular meet- 
 ing, and a few others. Should you, on a solid conside- 
 ration of my concern and situation, think it right to 
 make way at this time for the relief of my mind herein, 
 it may be safest for me to request the liberty to extend 
 the family visit, should this seem required, to a few 
 small meetings in this Quarterly Meeting. 
 
 Desiring we may all be kept patiently and diligently 
 attentive to the voice of the true and tender Shepherd, 
 I bid you affectionately farewell. J. B. 
 
 [In the Twelfth month, he returned to his Monthly 
 Meeting the certificate granted for the above service ; 
 acknowledging the goodness of the Lord in helping 
 and sustaining him on his, way, and in favoring him 
 with the reward of peace on his return home. He 
 paid visits to nearly all the families of the particular 
 meeting of Brighton, under circumstances as regarded 
 bis infirm state of health, calculated to excite much 
 sympathy on the part of his friends of that place ; he 
 entered house after house, supported by his crutches, 
 and it is believed his visits were peculiarly acceptable 
 generally.} 
 
 To 
 
 stoke Newington, 3d of Twelfth month, 1836. 
 
 Ah ! dear , as thou well knowest, home is 
 
 home, after such engagements and causes of absence 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 321 
 
 from vrbat is dear to us in this outward state and lower 
 region : and home is home, in a higher and better 
 Bense, blessed be His name, who maketh Heaven a 
 home : for without Him, where is the rest, wher« ia 
 the refreshing to the poor, craving, immortal part ? 
 These feelings, and such as these, while they moderate 
 or sanctify the use of earthly objects, heighten and 
 refine. There is truly nothing here worth living for, 
 without the good presence of our "Everlasting Fa- 
 ther ;" but with that, and in subjection and resigna- 
 tion to Him, everything is to be received with thanks- 
 giving, and used with joyfulpess, — come pain of body, 
 or conflict of mind, loss of wife or children, or dearest 
 friends, or house, or food. This is our calling, — this 
 ia our privilege ; and oh, that we may hold it up to 
 others as such, both in life and in death ! J. B. 
 
 TO A YOUNG FKIEND. 
 
 24th of Twelfth month, 1836. 
 
 Rely upon it, my dear -, these associates of 
 
 thine, whoever they be, even if they stand high in 
 general estimation, are no friends to thy true interests, 
 thy best welfare, however plausibly they reason. The 
 very circumstance of their endeavoring to undermine, 
 or upset the almost unformed views of so young and 
 artless a person, is a proof of their unworthy purposes. 
 By thy own account, they are in " the seat of the 
 Bcornful," as David said; and when the subtle poison 
 
322 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 that is under their tongue, is in danger of being re 
 jected and exposed, they can turn ofif the conversation 
 ■with a laugh. But if thou art favored to withstand 
 th^r crooked twisting arguments, be also very careful 
 lest their ridicule move thee in anywise from the serious 
 ground, the safe because lowly abiding place, of the 
 real Christian. My advice to thee is, avoid such com- 
 pany, shun such associates, trust not thyself to dispute 
 with them ; thou wilt not be likely to get good by it, 
 nor to do them good, but to receive harm in ways little 
 suspected. Thou art not to be supposed, nor shoulde&t 
 thou for a moment presuipe thyself, to be competent 
 to enter the lists of controversy ; it requires one to be 
 well grounded, rooted and settled in the right way, to 
 meet all the obj actions and cavils, that may be urged 
 by persons of more or less corrupt and uncontrolled 
 minds, who despise the truth and its simplicity ; yet 
 who would, even with the semblance of truth, beguile 
 others from the reality of it. 
 
 " Be not conformed to this world," said the Apostle, 
 who knew, that the fashions and customs of it are vain, 
 and pass away. To a mind disposed to avoid the very 
 appearance and approaches to evil, this text is alone 
 suflScient to induce a hesitation, a scrupulousness or 
 tenderness ; knowing that for every idle word he must 
 give an account, and that every thought must be brought 
 into subjection to Christ. But these libertines, who 
 would think their own thoughts, 'and choose their own 
 ways and -words, and also wear their own apparel, 
 must needs have things so cleared up to their blinded 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 323 
 
 and darkened understanding, that, like the lawyers, 
 no express (much less implied) prohibition of Scripture 
 would have satisfied them : they would shuffle from it 
 and fritter it away, bending it to their own wills. 
 Whereas the spirit of Christianity testifies, and has 
 ever testified, against such things, and not only among 
 Friends, but more or less, and in different ways and 
 degrees, wherever sufficient clearness has been arrived 
 at, even from the earliest ages. 
 
 Picture to thyself any set of people raised up to a 
 deep sense of religion, and carrying out their watch- 
 fulness and self-denial to all branches of their conduct, 
 and endeavoring to follow that exhortation, " Be ye 
 holy in all manner of conversation," — and whatso- 
 ever ye "do in word or deed, do all to the glory of 
 God," etc. Would they not soon come to be distin- 
 guished from other people, who follow the course of 
 this world, or who ^secretly yearn after their own , 
 heart's lusts, and comfort themselves with trying to 
 think there is nothing in this and the other little thing, 
 and that religion does not consist in these things ? 
 Would they not soon find themselves to be " a peculiai 
 people," a singular people, a very simple people ; — 
 their outward appearance, their manners, their very 
 gestures, restrained and regulated after a mode totally 
 contrary to the generality of those around them ? 
 According to that striking passage in one of the Apo- 
 cryphal writings, setting forth the language of the 
 ungodly respecting the righteous, so will it be respect- 
 ing such a people or person as I have described ; — 
 
324 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDTJMS 
 
 " He is not for our turn, he is clean contrary to our 
 doings ; he was made to reprove our thoughts ; he is 
 grievous unto us even to hehold ; for his life is not like 
 other men's, his ways are of another fashion."* Indeed, 
 it has never been any ■wonder with me, that a people 
 gathered and settled and preserved, as I have hinted 
 at, — or as Friends were, when they found themselves 
 estranged from the world at large, and eccentric 
 through this process of following their convictions of 
 duty, — should value this their privilege, and these 
 outward badges, which tend to keep up this desirable 
 distinction and separation from the world's spirit. But 
 they never set up a rule as to dress, or any particular 
 color, cut, or fashion, on the same footing as the livery 
 of the Monks, or religious orders of the Papists, etc. ; 
 they only left off their ornaments, and such things as 
 were a burden to them as unnecessary and unsimple : 
 — it was the ever changeable tide of fashion, which 
 did the rest, and in time caused their dissimilarity and 
 strangeness to appear. But as to the bare assertion, 
 that George Fox and the early Friends, would have 
 changed with the times, it is a conjecture which has its 
 origin in the mere caprice and inclination of those who 
 say so ; and the contrary may be as flatly and broadly 
 asserted upon far stronger grounds, even upon the ac- 
 tual facts of the whole tenor of their dissent as exhi- 
 bited in their lives, and especially in their writings 
 The common consent spoken of, is the very conformity 
 
 * See Wisdom of Solomon, ii. 12, 14, 15, 16. 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 325 
 
 they objected to, — a consent of worldly men, upon ■ 
 ■worldly principles ; not the consent of men redeemed 
 from the earth. On the other hand, all that have ever 
 rightly given up to make a plain appearance, and to 
 speak the plain language, etc., have done it on the 
 very same sound ground, and not merely because Greorge 
 Fox and others did it. They, the truly convinced, 
 have continued to feel on -the subject as he did ; and 
 though the instances are rare, as the mercy is great, 
 and the work marvellous, and no light and superficial 
 one, such instances are yet from time to time occur- 
 ing ; they are the result of the cleansing the inside 
 , of the cup, that the outside may become clean also. 
 My case, is, I trust, one of these, and, perhaps, rather 
 an unusual one ; for I was brought up, as thou knowest, 
 in the entire disuse of, and I even cherished a real 
 contempt for, such singularities ; until I came to see 
 that there was "no peace to the wicked," — and that 
 ." great peace have all they who love," " the law of the 
 Spirit of life in Christ Jesus." Then as I yielded my 
 mind to be in all things led and guided thereby, nothing 
 offended me but evil ; -^ — nothing seemed too hard to 
 give up unto, nor anything to be slighted as insigni- 
 ficant, which in anywise contributed to this heavenly 
 peace and progress in what was esteemed so supremely 
 excellent. The cross of Christ, that yoke he puts upon 
 his disciples, was very easy and sweet ; and peace was 
 the reward of being faithful in ever so little. It is in 
 this way, I have been made ruler over more, and not 
 by despising the day of small things ; which is the sure 
 28 
 
326 LETTERS AJTD MEMORANDUMS 
 
 way of falling by " little and little ;" of this we have 
 most painful instances now around us ; and even some, 
 wio have deservedly stood high in our Society, as 
 teachers and examples to the flock, but who have even 
 come to question, or have lost, all their former impres- 
 sions and tendering convictions, — those are, it seems, 
 all gone, and almost forgotten, as the early dew that 
 passeth away, — and they have turned, as the dog or 
 the sow, to that which they once loathed and rejected. 
 And truly it is a striking and unanswerable fact, that 
 there has not been one individual, who has risen to any 
 eminence for religious dedication in our Society, but 
 has had to tread the narrow and strait path ; and has 
 had to attribute his progress to giving up, in the ability- 
 received, to obey the secret monitions of the Spirit of 
 Christ, even in little things : nor has there, I believe, 
 been one who has swerved from this course, that has 
 ultimately turned out better than the salt that has lost 
 
 its savor. "The fashion of this world," my dear ,. 
 
 does indeed pass away ; and as thou sayest, custom is 
 capricious and changeable ; but Truth is the same that 
 ever it was — unchangeable and never faileth : and it 
 will always stand by and bear out those, who are of it, 
 and who keep to it. " Wisdom," we read, "is justified 
 of her children," and of few or none else; and the 
 natural man cannot understand or receive the things 
 that relate to the Spirit and kingdom of God ; they are 
 mere foolishj;>ess unto him, while in that state ; for they 
 are ever hid from the wise and prudent of this world 
 and revealed unto babes. Therefore, may I not fitly 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 327 
 
 •wind up, by subjoining to that scripture with which I 
 commenced, the language which follows it, — "Be not 
 conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the 
 renewing of your minds, that ye may prove what is 
 that good, acceptable, and perfect will of God." 
 
 I would earnestly urge thee to press through any 
 indisposition or inertness of mind, and to sit down at 
 thy vacant moments to read Penn's No Cross, No 
 Crown; — redeeming thy time from idle gossip, avoii- 
 ing occasions of exposure to unsuitable conversation, 
 and either retire- and go aside, or boldly and simply 
 take up such a book, and go through it perseveringly ; 
 entering into the spirit of the writer, and bending thy 
 mind to the subject. The latter part of Jaffray, which 
 contains the history of Friends in Scotland, is an- 
 other book which would really interest, thee. But 
 after all the helps to be derived from books or instru- 
 ments, I trust, my dear , thou needst not to be 
 
 reminded of the inexhaustible unfailing Source of all 
 strength and goodness; who alone, if applied to, and 
 the mind truly turned to Him in secret exercise and 
 breathing desires, is able to solve all our difficulties, 
 to relieve us of our doubts, to deliver us from tempta- 
 tion, to aid our drooping resolutions, and quicken our 
 souls to run with patience the race set before us, and 
 to hold out to the end in well-doing. 
 
 J. B. 
 
828 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 To . 
 
 6th of Second month, 1837. 
 
 When the will is slain, — when we can say, " It ia 
 no more I," — then how easy is the task of dedication, 
 and how clear are the pointings, how light the burden 
 of the cross of Christ. Then self is of no refutation 
 indeed, and all crowns are laid down ; nor does any 
 snare of the enemy prevail. 
 
 The most unanswerable arguments, we of this day 
 can give to the gainsayers, is, to live down their misrep- 
 resentations : and the best argument perhaps for the 
 early Friends, as was the case with the primitive Chris- 
 tians, is their life and conversation. At times, the low 
 standing and feeble state of those that have a love for 
 the cause of Truth, and the short-comings of the most of 
 us, depresses me. Those who live within the hearing of 
 the shouts of the Philistines, are taken and perhaps dis- 
 turbed by them,. I trust, such as , however, know 
 
 better than to give up to every " Lo here " and every hue 
 and cry, or to be afraid with any amazement. We 
 must keep low, keep quiet ; minding our particular 
 sailing, our inward condition, and feel the Lord in- 
 wardly as the Rock and Sanctuary, where none can 
 make afraid. Undoubtedly it is a trying day, a sift- 
 ing time, — and I think must be yet more so; for 
 though a few leaders of faction and of error have left 
 us, and have swept away a number of followers, whom 
 they have deluded, and who are not settled in the 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 329 
 
 faith, and acme of these hardly knowing why they be- 
 longed to us ; — yet of those who remain, what a rem- 
 nant really are one with us ! And unless wonderful 
 mercy, wisdom, and strength, be manifested towards 
 the unstable, as towards all of us, what can hinder 
 their being scattered and driven away. Though the 
 Society seems somewhat relieved, yet grievous exer- 
 cises remain to be borne, and a great deal to be 
 worked through and worked out, before this once self- 
 denying and redeemed people, can be reinstated to 
 their former brightness and ancient purity. The Lord 
 waits to be gracious, and I believe will hasten this 
 work in His time. And ! that we may be so pre- 
 served and strengthened, as to be made willing, 
 through all baptisms, to be instrumental in our day, in 
 ever so little a way or degree, to bring about the pe- 
 riod when the Salvation of Zion shall go forth as a 
 lamp that burneth ! J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 Stoke Newington, Third month, 1837. 
 
 Time rolls on, and manifests things and persons 
 apace. So many matters have transpired, even since 
 I replied to thy letter of Eleventh month, that I can 
 hardly recur to circumstances : but may we not say, 
 dear friend, that all our views and feelings have been 
 fulfilled and realized, or are fulfilling, as to the state 
 of our poor Society. The conflict and contest is 
 pretty well over, with what was called Beaconism; 
 
 28* 
 
330 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 but there are those still remaining, who occasion' the 
 true Friends great exercise ; being unwilling to go the 
 whole length with our ancient primitive worthies, but 
 can readily find them in fault. I trust this also shall 
 in due season be broken up, and the testimony of 
 Truth, in all its completeness and simplicity, rise and 
 shine over all opposition. Modified Quakerism cannot 
 stand the fire. 
 
 May we, or such of us as are permitted to continue 
 in the warfare, be preserved firmly and truly bound to 
 the good cause, as we have ever received it from the 
 beginning ; and may we be perfectly knit and united 
 together in the same mind and in the same judgment ; 
 even though we be left as a little remnant, and as spec- 
 tacles to the world. J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 Stoke Newington, 31st of Third month, 1837. 
 
 How many and awful have been the warnings and the 
 tender chastenings of the all-wise hand of Divine Provi- 
 dence of later times ; all (I sometimes think) concurring 
 with and bearing upon, and bespeaking somewhat in 
 relation to the spiritual aspect of things in the church 
 and in the world. " The wine of astonishment," in- 
 deed is given us to drink, in various ways : yet the 
 meek and patient followers of the Lamb, who know in 
 whom they have believed, and that He is able to keep 
 their all, which they are engaged to commit to His 
 keeping, are not left desolate, — are not sufiered to be 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 331 
 
 s ^allowed up of over much emotion of any kind ; they 
 cannot be unduly " afraid with any amazement ;" — 
 nay, truly, " all these things," they well know, " must 
 needs be, or come to pass ;" and they are so far from 
 saying with one, " This evil cometh from the Lord, 
 why should I wait for the Lord any longer," that they 
 rather feel, " It is the Lord, — let him do what seemeth 
 good to him ;" and so in patience are engaged to pos- 
 sess their souls. May then the peaceable and peaceful 
 fruits of righteousness, be more and more brought 
 forth in us, my dear friend, through and by means of 
 all the losses, crosses, overturnings and humiliations ; 
 so that not only we may be rendered more meet for, 
 and more earnest after, that fruition of the end of our 
 faith, which is endless, uninterrupted, and perfect; — 
 but even here below may be the better qualified to fill 
 up our measure of service, and glorify the good cause 
 and blessed name of our holy^ Redeemer. There is in- 
 deed great occasion to believe, though the evidences 
 and tokens are, now as ever, sufficiently obscure to try 
 the faith of God's dear children, — that His glorious 
 cause is, through all discouraging circumstances, still 
 going forward ; and that His wonderful and all right- 
 eous purposes are fulfilling in the earth. That this is 
 substantially the case, should and must be matter of 
 joy to us ; and even make us at times, when we are 
 given to see and apprecid,te it, exceedingly "joyful in 
 all our tribulation ;" even though we should be pressed 
 almost out of measure, beyond strength or hope, having 
 fightings and fears without and within. This has been 
 
332 LETTEES AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 the portion of the faithful, more or laps in all ages ; 
 and I believe it will be so, till the end come. 
 
 Be assured, my dear , I do much sympathize 
 
 with, and have often thought of thee in several re- 
 spects, both before and since we heard of thy bereave- 
 ment. I cannot doubt thou feelest thy loss greatly, 
 at times perhaps too much, though I hope not so. 
 Surely sufficient support and consolation will not be 
 wanting, if thou dost not " refuse to be comforted." I 
 want, thee, my dear friend, to endeavor as much as may 
 be, to look beyond thy loss, at the tribulated state of 
 the church, stript of many a son and daughter, promis- 
 ing and once thriving branches, but now withering and 
 corrupt, more or less dying and dead, yea, twice dead ! 
 
 J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 Tunbridge Wells, 16th of Ninth month, 1837. 
 
 May you be strengthened and animated from time to 
 time, and your drooping faith sustained and increased, 
 to run with all patience and quiet confidence, the 
 wearisome journey that is yet before us. In due sea- 
 son our reaping time and shouting time will come, for 
 which we have sown in tears ; laying down as it were 
 our all, (0 ! that it may be our very all,) surrendering 
 everything that the Lord calls for at our hands, cast- 
 ing into the treasury even our mites of our penury, 
 being content to see ourselves to be very poor, help- 
 less, worthless, fit to be pitied, mere pensioners, and 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 333 
 
 dependents on the Lord's free mercy and renewed 
 blessing. This is the state that draws dawn the Di- 
 vine regard, and, as it were, commands the rich out- 
 pouring of those good and perfect gifts, which dignify 
 and adorn poor fallen human nature ; — which raise up 
 the brother and the sister of low degree, from lying 
 among the pots, among the things that perish with the 
 using, yea, from the dunghill of pollution ; — and from 
 sitting like poor Job among the ashes of despondency, 
 to reach forth, to mount up towards that inheritance 
 incorruptible, undefiled, and which never fades away. 
 It is prepared, it is reserved, it is laid up in store for 
 those that are faithful unto death, who are kept by the 
 power of God through faith, and are not moved away 
 from the blessed hope of the gospel ; continuing stead- 
 fast, immovable, not soon shaken in mind, nor shrink- 
 ing from suffering, nor afraid of temptations or 
 abounding tribulations ; but enduring to the end. 
 
 I have been much comforted, while from home, in 
 reading many precious letters of our primitive worthies. 
 of the first rank, who loved not their lives unto death, 
 but gave up all, that they might keep a conscience 
 void of offence, and be clear of the blood of all. I 
 hope (if life be spared, and strength given,) to hand 
 some, yea, many of these for the perusal of such ai 
 can receive and profit by them. J. E. 
 
334 LETTERS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 To 
 
 Stoke Newington, 27th of Eleventh month, 1837. 
 
 My beloved friend, 
 
 My poor and often tribulated spirit does salute thine, 
 even as deep answers to deep ; for I am ready to think, 
 thou hast from time -to time to drink into that cup of suf- 
 fering, which the livingly exercised everywhere up and 
 down, in this day of treading under, of rebuke, and of 
 scattering, have mofe or less to partake of. For, in- 
 deed, how can it be otherwise, when those who have been 
 as leaders and way marks to the flock, and have seemed 
 to be pillars in the house of the Lord, are ready to 
 'stagger and to stumble, to be snared, and to be broken. 
 But I must not here expatiate on my feelings, as to 
 the state of things in regard to our still favored So- 
 ciety ; but I will refer thee to my Preface to Pike's 
 and Oxley's Journals, to other parts of J. Pike's 
 Journal, but especially to his letters, and some of De- 
 borah Bell's, which show that times of trouble have 
 befallen our Society before now, in. rather a similar 
 way and degree. The same power can rescue his trib- 
 ulated remnant, and restore the waste places ; nor will 
 He ever own proceedings, which are not according to 
 Truth and uprightness. I am inclined to think that 
 many have been, and are, endeavoring uprightly to 
 retrieve their outgoings ; seeing the palpable extremes 
 and consequences of the track they have been on : but 
 others seem not sufficiently warned and instructed to 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAT. 33^ 
 
 return, in honesty and in -earnest, to original principles 
 and practice, but are feignedly, and in pari; only, doing 
 so ; retaining so much of the -wisdom of the flesh, and 
 so much of self in a refined form, as they think will 
 make the Truth more palatable to our own people and 
 to others ; ' thus shunning the shame of the cross, and 
 the humiliating process thereof. It will not do : our 
 all-conquering Captain will discover and make bare all 
 coverings, and find out all his enemies, and pursue and 
 overtake them in all their retreats in the precincts of 
 and back ways to Babylon. J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 29th of Eleventh month, 1837. 
 I may truly and sincerely say, that we participated 
 in a sense of the loss which many, doubtless, even 
 among the more distant connexions and friends of the 
 deceased, feel they have sustained. Do I say loss, do 
 I speak of deprivation, when those who have humbly 
 endeavored to love and follow their dear Redeemer on 
 earth, are taken from suffering and probation, as we 
 trust, to their resting place in glory ? Ah ! we have 
 them still, if the apostle's language applies to us, if we 
 are indeed come to Mount Zion, the heavenly Jerusa- 
 lem, to the innumerable company, to ihe spirits of the 
 just made perfect, to Jesus our Mediator. May we 
 then not sorrow as those who have no such substantial 
 enjoyment of things hoped for, and evidence of things 
 not seen. May we be quickened on our way, and ani- 
 
336 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 mated by the cloud of witnesses with which we are en- 
 compassed, still to persevere and run with patience ; 
 looking unto Jesus, learning of Him, leaning on Him 
 in pure dependence and childlike simplicity, —loving 
 no one, nor any one thing bettei* than Him. Being 
 thus made willing to lose all, in and for Him, we may 
 be assured of the fulfilment of His gracious promise, 
 of the hundredfold even in this life, besides the hea- 
 venly inheritance. J. B. 
 
 TO ONE OE ANOTHER PROFESSION AND A ZEALOUS 
 MINISTER. 
 
 26th of First month, 1838. 
 My dear friend, 
 
 It is time I acknowledged thy favor of the 21st ult. , 
 which has not been lost upon me. I accept thy kind 
 and sincere notice of me, and also of my books, with, 
 I trust, the like genuine Christian feeling. That we 
 have been made somewhat acquainted one with another 
 has been cheering to me, as one of those many providen- 
 tial marks of favor shed upon us, through our whole lives, 
 by the Author of mercies. It has seemed to me some- 
 times, as though our dear Lord and Saviour, in conde- 
 scension to our frequent breathings to Him, the Head 
 of His own church, for the spread of His blessed gos- 
 pel of peace, truth, and righteousness in the earth, and 
 our jealousy for his honor, (according to our measure 
 of light and discernment,) had caused us to come across 
 each other's path ; that He might renewedly show us 
 that He has other sheep who are not of this fold, where 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 337 
 
 we have been accustomed with joy and comfort to feed 
 and lie down. T.hat we should find, on near inspection 
 of each other's views on sacred things, many and im- 
 portant shades of difiierence, will not a,ssuredly either 
 stumble or surprise us. The ways of God in His 
 works of creation are higher than our highest thoughts 
 of them, as are also the acts of His providence ; how 
 much more, then, must we expect them to be so, in His 
 dealings and dispensations with the soul of man indivi- 
 dually, and with his church collectively. Truly, the 
 workings of his grace and power in and towards us 
 are infinitely diversified. But, through all, what He 
 looks for in^is all, however variously situated, dealt 
 with, and gifted, is that our hearts being quickened 
 and renewed by Him, should be turned towards Him, 
 and knit to Him in faithfulness, in true uprightness, 
 to serve and to trust in Him, with a perfect heS-rt, and 
 with a willing mind. Ah! how He touches, softens, 
 humbles these proud, hard hearts of ours, these fallen, 
 but aspiring natures, these forward, way ward tenden- 
 cies, and woos us to be wise indeed, by learning of 
 Him how to be simple as little children, — submitting, 
 bearing and taking His yoke upon our spirits. How 
 prone we still are to take back the government into 
 our hands, by leaning to our own understanding, by 
 consulting with flesh and blood, while we profess to be 
 asking counsel of God and of Christ ; and thtfs prac- 
 tically we shrink back, and shun to ofier up our all as 
 a whole burnt-offering ; but even keep back the best 
 part of that which is often called for unequivocally at 
 29 
 
338 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 our hands. Alas ! in reference to divine things, who 
 is there that follows the Lamb whithersoever he leads, 
 or looks to the puttings forth of the Shepherd's hand, 
 and waits to hear His voice ? Who is there, that in all 
 his proceedings and speculations or opinions, says, 
 " That which I know not, teach thou me ;" " lead me 
 in thy Truth, and teach me, for thou art the God of 
 my salvation, on Thee do I wait all the day !" Who 
 is there that takes up the daily cross in religious 
 points, casting down imaginations and selfish reason- 
 ings, despising the shame with the fear and favor of 
 man ? Who is not conformed to this world even in lit- 
 tle things, hut transformed by the renewing of the 
 mind, and in this way proving what is the Divine will ? 
 These effusions^ which arise whilst responding to thy 
 cojnmunication, I trust will not be deemed obtrusive, 
 if they are superfluous. 
 
 After all, my dear friend, how near one to another 
 are all those who, being once afar off, are brought nigh 
 by the blood of Christ ; who love Him, and His ap- 
 pearing, and who follow Him in the regeneration. 
 They are brought near to each other in Him ; they are 
 baptized by one Spirit into one body, and are given at 
 times to drink into one cup. Have these not abundant 
 occasion to forbear one another in love, if they do not 
 wilfuly transgress against knowledge and beyond faith ? 
 for whatsoever is not of faith is sin. Surely, those 
 that are zealous for the fulfilment of what they under- 
 stand to be the command of Christ and his apostles, 
 have great need to see that they follow up all that is com- 
 
OS JOHN BARCLAY. 339 
 
 manded — ^such as to resist not evil, to respect not the 
 persons of the rich, as in the epistle of James ; and 
 many other precepts, that are very generally made of 
 none effect by religious professors, and reasoned away. 
 
 To be able to say with the apostle, "I am crucified 
 with Christ ; nevertheless I live ; yet not I, but Christ 
 liveth in me ; and the life that I now live in the flesh, 
 I live by the faith of the Son of Grod, who loved me, 
 and gave Himself for me," &c. ; how full, — how su- 
 premely desirable ! Then the wisdom of man becomes 
 fully subjugated, where the gospel, the power of God, 
 has free course. 
 
 Farewell ! the Lord be between us, and with us, 
 henceforth and forever. With Christian love to thee 
 and thy wife, and sister. I remain thy friend, 
 
 J. B. 
 
340 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 [In the Eleventh month, 1837, he laid before his 
 Monthly Meeting, a religious concern which had rested 
 a considerable time on his mind, to pay a visit to the 
 families of Friends of his own particular Meeting, at 
 Stoke Newington : much sympathy and unity prevailed 
 on this - occasion, and he received the encouragement 
 of his friends. Under his very infirm bodily condi- 
 tion, he could proceed but slowly in this service. In 
 the Second month following, he believed it right to ad- 
 dress his Monthly Meeting. A copy of his communi- 
 cation will best explain his views and feelings on this 
 occasion.] 
 
 TO GRACE-CHURCH STREET MONTHLY MBBTINa OF 
 ERXJiJ^DS. 
 
 Beloved friends, brethren and sisters, 
 
 Having now held a minute, granted me by the 
 Monthly Meeting, for above three months, setting me 
 at liberty to visit the families of Friends at Stoke New- 
 ington, it seems to be upon me as a duty to communi- 
 cate with you on it. In the movement I made towards 
 obtaining it, by an application rather unusually sud- 
 den, and in that respect unexpected by myself, I had, 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 341 
 
 and up to the present time have had, sweet peace, — 
 an ample reward, ^however unworthily,) for a sacrifice 
 which cost me no small degree of resignation of my 
 own will. I endeavored to give up, " in simplicity and 
 godly sincerity," to that which seemed to be manifest- 
 ed as present duty in the Divine sight ; and dared not 
 look outward in any sense or manner ; and therein I 
 desired, if a spectacle, to be also an exsample to the 
 whole flock ; for not one among us can, in my appre- 
 hension, do better under any circuipstances. On pro- 
 ceeding in the weighty engagement before me, I may 
 acknowledge, that, although no wonderful outpouring 
 of Divine power was my portion, I was mercifully 
 favored, during the few days that I entered upon the 
 work, with such a sense that the Lord preserveth the 
 simple and the upright, insomuch that it was as my 
 meat and drink, to be thus among my Friends : hard 
 things were made very easy, and bitter things full of 
 sweetness ; a gently flowing stream of heavenly good- 
 ness being extended in every hour of need, though in 
 a way humiliating to the creature, so that nothing of 
 the flesh could glory. 
 
 Endeavoring to look closely to my steppings and to 
 my Master's pointings as to them, I did not see it my 
 place to join any brother or sister, fellow-laborers in 
 the ministry, similarly exercised ; yet truly rejoicing, 
 that the Lord of the vineyard should be pleased to lay 
 his hand upon any, and open their way before them. 
 With regard to myself, the burden seemed greatly 
 withdrawn and removed from me, even before I was 
 29* 
 
342 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 ■wholly laid by wkh indisposition ; and ever since, my 
 mind tas been altogether released Jrom any further 
 obligation to pursue the visit and now at length in a 
 •way that makes me believe it safest for me to inform 
 the meeting to this effect, and to return the minute to 
 your hands. I cannot _place this conclusion to any 
 outward account, though my health and constitution 
 seem more than usually affected, so as for a long time 
 entirely to prevent my getting out to meetings ; but in 
 my best moments I have the comfortable persuasion 
 and trust, that He, who is no hard master, and lays no 
 more than is meet on any of his exercised children, 
 has an equal right to call in as to put forth ; to bring 
 out his own purposes in his own ways, which are higher 
 than ours ; and none of us should demur against his 
 good pleasure, or say, "what doest thou?" and the 
 wonder and the mercy is, that any are made use of. 
 
 In conclusion, it seems with me, my dear Friends, 
 to express to you my belief, that we have from time to 
 time ample encouragement, as a meeting, in patience 
 to possess our souls, to hold on our way steadily, and 
 to lift up the head in hope. Although occasions of 
 discouragement and deep conflict have attended, and 
 may yet await the faithful and the honest-hearted, 
 these keeping the daily watch unto prayer, will be 
 preserved and sustained, abiding in Christ, and being 
 under his peculiar notice : after they have suffered 
 awhile, He will establish, strengthen, and settle them 
 more and more ; and will give them to reap in due 
 season the fruit of their often hidden exercises, both 
 
OF JOHN BAKCLAT. 843 
 
 on their own account, and on account of others. Thus, 
 those that hold the beginning of their confidence stead- 
 fast unto the end, are made indeed partakers of Christ ; 
 and the remnant who escape the tempter's crooked 
 Leviathan, again take root downward, and bear fruit 
 upward. Isaiah xxxvii. 31. 
 
 Desiring we may truly cease from man, and lean 
 wholly on the Beloved of souls, with the salutation of 
 love in our Lord Jesus Christ, I remain your friend, 
 
 J. B. 
 
 Second month, 19th, 1838. 
 
 P. S. — Should this concern return upon me, with 
 Weight and clearness. Friends may believe, I shall not 
 hesitate to cast myself upon them again. 
 
 To 
 
 First or Second month, 1838. 
 
 It is little We can do for one another ; yet let us be 
 willing to do that little which offers. I often think 
 how short may be the season, wherein we may be per- 
 mitted, or may have occasion for, the comfort, aid and 
 support one of another. Many opportunities for giv- 
 ing a hand of help or a cup of cold water, we do not 
 embrace ; but we suflfer them to go by unimproved, or 
 fritter them away in our intercourse one with another, 
 even with those nearest and dearest to us in an out- 
 ward or an inward sense. Everything indeed proves 
 what poor creatures we are, and what a low, mixed 
 
344 LETTERS ASX> MEMOKANDTJMS 
 
 imperfect state the present is ; — at times favored 
 with a few drops of comfort, of strength, a little grain 
 of faith, of hope, of qualification to struggle on, ad- 
 ministered in the hour of need, and in such, a way, as 
 utterly to hide pride, and take away all occasion of 
 boasting on the one hand, or repining on the other. 
 If we did enough cultivate our intercourse with heaven 
 and heavenly ones and heavenly things, and avail of 
 our privileges, remember our heirship and calling ! — 
 Why need we tarry here ; why should we grovel be- 
 low ? instead of lifting up the soul, and resting in the 
 Beloved ! 
 
 Farewell ! Onward, onward, — the time is short, 
 my brother and my sister ; — we linger for one an- 
 other : — let us press forward ; — and in due season 
 we shall reap, if we faint not. J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 1st of p'ourth month, 1838. 
 Dear friend, ^ 
 
 Thy letter of the 13th seems, in conjunction with 
 
 my own feelings in reading it, to encourage me to 
 
 salute thee in Christian freedom. It was animating 
 
 in this wilderness to read such lines from one unknown, 
 
 trusting that we have but one object in view, and are 
 
 endeavoring to be found running the same race ; though 
 
 occupying possibly very different posts, according to 
 
 what has seemed to be committed to each, respecting 
 
 the things of the blessed gospel and spiritual kingdom 
 
OF JOHN BAROLAT. . 345 
 
 of our Lord and Saviour. My dear friend, thou know 
 est not what a poor thing thy correspondent is every 
 ■way, — enfeebled in powers and constitution, though 
 but forty years old ; a cripple on crutches these three 
 or four years, by a disease of the knee-joint, and still 
 longer disabled by the same disorder, at times threat- 
 ening amputation, and always bearing about a most 
 delicate shattered frame in other respects. May I not 
 say in every sense, " By Thee have I been upholden 
 from my birth," "My times are in thy hand!" — 
 therefore, while I live, will I praise the Lord, and by 
 His help keep my heart and order my conversation ; 
 and all my bones shall say, who is like unto Thee, 
 who hast abundantly, and art yet, restoring, renew- 
 ing, and redeeming my life, my best life from de- 
 struction. 
 
 If we do but hold fast the beginning of our confi- 
 dence steadfast , unto the end, cleaving to the Lord, 
 who first loved, and quickened, and had mercy upon 
 us He will never leave nor forsake us to hold out to 
 the end, in faith, patience and well-doing. I have had 
 for a long season a strong persuasion, that our dear 
 Lord has a precious people in your country; and 
 though many may be the impediments and snares and 
 discouragements, how do I long that there, and in 
 every place, " a pure oiFering" may be rendered, with 
 as little of creaturely policy or worldly wisdom inter- 
 mixed as may be. 
 
 But as to the chief occasion of thy letter, I am able 
 to give thee scarcely any information as to the JaflFray 
 
346 LETTERS AND MEMOEANDUMS 
 
 family, beyond what my book with its notes sets forth, 
 I have from circumstances, and perhaps by providen- 
 tial ordering, got into a channel which I often indulge 
 in, to search out primitive zeal, — primitive faithfulness 
 imto death, — ^the path of the just, of whom the world 
 was not worthy. I do not love old things because they 
 are old, but because they are often more intrinsic, less 
 superficial. I delight to restore the ancient way-marks, 
 the foundations of many generations, — to hold up the 
 scattered and obsolete testimonies to ancient purity 
 under every name ; many of which are purposely put 
 into the background, slurred over, distorted, and de- 
 stroyed by historians and the theologians of these 
 degenerate days. I have a common-place book for 
 my collections, but my bodily and mental ability is 
 growing less and less, and my opportunities are few 
 indeed. Oh, that Christendom might return to that 
 state she once knew ! — ^might recur to first principles ! 
 then would her reformation and salvation go forth with 
 brightness, she would be fair as the moon, clear as the 
 sun, and terrible as an army with banners; and all 
 iniquity and infidelity should stop their many mouths. 
 Whether we ever meet, or write again, or are as 
 epistles in one another's hearts in certain respects 
 and to a certain extent, — may we, "whereto we have 
 already attained, walk by the same rule, and mind the 
 same thing," and follow the things that make for 
 peace ; and if anything be further needful, I believe 
 God will reveal even this to us, supplying all our 
 needs by Jesus Christ; who is with his faithful fol- 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 347 
 
 lowers, delighting to reveal unto them the abundance 
 of peace and truth, but in his own way, and time, and 
 as we, bow to his yoke and deny ourselves. I remain 
 sincerely thy friend, J. B. 
 
 To 
 
 Stoke Newington, 10th of Fourth month, 1838. 
 My dear friend : 
 
 I am on the eve of leaving home for Brighton, if 
 able ; for I am very poorly, "feeble, and sore broken" 
 outwardly ; though I trust alive in my spirit as ever, 
 and resigned to all that may be in store for me. The 
 inclosed packet came to my hand ; so I take this op- 
 portunity of conveying my dear love to thee, in that 
 which changeth not — the everlasting Truth. 
 
 Though unable to mingle with my Friends in person, 
 when they come together for the sake of this blessed 
 cause, to endeavor to strengthen one another's hands 
 in God, and to build up one another in that holy faith 
 once and still delivered to the saints, — my poor mind 
 is as deeply, as strongly concerned as ever, that every 
 part and parcel thereof, with all its genuine accom- 
 paniments and fruits in practice may be maintained 
 inviolate, and that nothing be foreborne, or let fall, or 
 slighted, through our degeneracy, and dimsightedness 
 of that which our worthy ancients upheld through 
 suffering. What has our refinement, religious or civil, 
 done for us ? and what has an approach or a conde- 
 scending affinity thereto done for us? — weakness has 
 
848 lETTEKS AND MEMOKANDUMS 
 
 inevitably followed, and even the strongest and the 
 wisest have been utterly laid waste. Some are not 
 sufBciently warned and humbled by these things ; and 
 if they are, they should openly acknowledge their er- 
 ror, and forsake the very appearance of this track. 
 
 I am cheerfully confident, that if those, to whom 
 we somewhat look, as watchers, as seers, as standard- 
 bearers, as counsellors, are removed, (and they are 
 removing,) to their rest, — or, if any of these that 
 remain, should not keep their habitations firm and 
 undeviating, but turn aside, in any respect from the 
 ancient testimony, — that He who raised up such a 
 people as we were at the first, will never cease to raise 
 up others, and put forth some into the foreground — 
 into the very seats of the unfaithful. I have seen it 
 wonderfully in my short day, — I have read it of those 
 that have gone before : and therefore let none ever 
 throw away their shield, and weakly compromise the 
 trust devolving on them. 
 
 Farewell, my beloved friend ! may the Lord pre- 
 serve us purely to his praise. With love from thy 
 afiiectionate friend, J. B, 
 
 He left home on the 11th of Fourth month, reached 
 Brighton without much difficulty, and seemed revived 
 by the change. Soon after his arrival, he consulted a 
 physician, who gave a somewhat encouraging opinion 
 of his state, thinking that with the returning spring 
 his bodily strength would increase. 
 
 During his residence at Brighton, he occasioQallj; 
 
OF JOHN BARCLAY. 349 
 
 appeared to rally ; and at times seemed so animated 
 and cheerful about himself, that his near relatives, 
 long accustomed to the sight of his crippled condition, 
 were little prepared to suspect that deceptive disease, 
 consumption, (as it afterwards appeared,) was making 
 its sure and rapid inroads upon his delicate constitu- 
 tion. 
 
 Our beloved friend, Daniel V. Hack, of that place, 
 who evinced to the last the kindest and most tender 
 solicitude and care respecting him, thus wrote at a 
 subsequent period concerning him : — 
 
 " When our beloved friend came to Brighton, it 
 was evident to his friends, who had not seen him for 
 a considerable time, that his general health was much 
 impaired ; and it soon became so much so, as to excite 
 apprehensions in their minds, that the life and labors. 
 of this devoted servant were fast drawing to a close. 
 His mind, however, still retained its vigor ; and the 
 precious savor which was to be felt in his company 
 •was instructive and sweet, to those who had the pri- 
 vilege of sharing in it. 
 
 " His concern for the cause of his dear Lord and 
 Master, which had so long showed itself in fruits of 
 self-denying dedication, continued unabated. It was 
 evident to those who had the most frequent opportu- 
 nity of observing, under the pressure of rapidly in- 
 creasing bodily ailments, that the object nearest to our 
 dear friend's heart was the spread of the kingdom of 
 our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ ; even of that king- 
 dom which is not meat and drink, but righteousness, 
 
 80 
 
850 LETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS 
 
 and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost, and vrhich 
 stands not in ■word, but in power." — (1889.) 
 
 He continued to decline, and very rapidly so during 
 the latter part of his stay at Brighton ; and the 8th of 
 the Fifth month, at his own urgent request, and with 
 the approval of his physician, he was removed to Tun- 
 bridge Wells ; where he survived but three days. The 
 day after his arriva.1, in the course of some conversa- 
 tion with his kind friend, D. P. Hack, it was evident 
 that he helieved his day's work was nearly accomplished ; 
 and in the evening, on retiring to rest, his wife only 
 being with hirn, under a precious sense of the over- 
 shadowing of the Divine presence, he supplicated thus: 
 " 0, gracious Father I if it please Thee, spare us to 
 each other a little longer, and make us more entirely 
 ^devoted to Thee and to thy precious cause of Truth in 
 the earth ; nevertheless not our will, Lord I but 
 thine be done." 
 
 He continued to sink, but apparently without much 
 bodily suffering. On the- 10th, he repeated these pas- 
 sages :— " I am the light of the world ;"— " That was 
 the true light, that lighteth every man that cometh 
 into the world ;" — and then remarked, " it does not 
 say that we shall all at once know all things, but as 
 we can bear. 01 it is because they want to know all 
 at once, not as children learn, that the light is taken 
 away I" And again, — " They say there is no revela- 
 tion ; but that which is made manifest to us as our 
 duty, as the Lord's will, is revelation ; this is my be- 
 lief, I am sure of it." — " They slight revelation ; but it 
 
OP JOHN BARCLAY. 351 
 
 shall prevail ; and the Spirit of the Lord shall reign 
 over all ;" (often repeated, with) " the Truth shall 
 prevail — the Truth shall reign over all." " None that 
 trust in the Lord shall be confounded ; but they shall 
 be as Mount Zioh, which can never be moved ; for the 
 mouth of the Lord hath spoken it. Praise, where it 
 is due, and thanksgiving, and melody." 
 
 At another time he said, " You all know my desire 
 to be preserved near the Lord — to be strengthened 
 and upheld by the Lord — to be found in Him : this is 
 the way of peace." 
 
 Again he said, — " Simple texts of Scripture contain 
 a great deal : ' Walk before Me, and be thou perfect ;' 
 — ^beautiful language! Such texts involve much, — 
 comprehend the whole of a religious walk, — the whole 
 of what we are in the 'habit of referring to in a reli- 
 gious life. We must be faithful to what is made known, 
 — to the smallest discoveries of the light of Truth. I 
 trust we shall be animated and strengthened to go 
 through our day's work ; then we shall find mercy at 
 the hands of the Lord." "Let us then look to the 
 Lord for strength at all times, and under all circum- 
 stances." " The Lord will be your Lord, and a sure 
 refuge and hiding place." " Cleave unto the Lord, 
 ! cleave unto Him; love Him with all your heart." 
 
 To his sister, who was seated beside his couch, he 
 remarked, " The quiet habitation ! dear Lydia, thou 
 looks as if thou loved the quiet habitation ; ! how 
 desirable !" with an allusion also to faithfulness and 
 greater dedication. 
 
 His diflSculty of articulation was great; he often 
 
352 lETTERS AND MEMORANDUMS, ETC. 
 
 spoke of the great thickness he felt upon him, that he 
 could not express himself clearly ; and once he was 
 heard to say, " This shackled state !" and, " ready to 
 he offered." 
 
 The latter' part of this day his voice was lifted up 
 in a constant melody, and for many hours together, 
 like a song of praise ; during which these words were 
 clearly distinguished, and often repeated : — " 0, Lord ! 
 dear Lord 1 come ;" — " I bless the Lord ;" — " I am the 
 Lord's forever." The name of " Jesus " was often to 
 be heard ; and the word " Halleluiah !" was for a 
 long time uttered. 
 
 He many times said, " Let us all be still and quiet. 
 Let us be retired in our minds." And again, after 
 some iittle attention to. his comfort, "Now, shall we 
 have the Lord with us ? If not, we shall have Him by- 
 and-by ;" and again sunk into the same sweet melody. 
 
 On Sixth-day, about an hour before his departure, 
 he roused a little from dozing; on receiving some 
 nourishment from his affectionate wife, he took the cup, 
 and she asked him if he knew her ? he replied with a 
 sweet smile, " Yes, my Mary." She then asked him, 
 had he any pain? "No, not any ;" was he happy? 
 "Yes, very!" He then lay down again, and gently 
 drew his breath shorter and shorter, till he quietly and 
 peacefully breathed his last about four o'clock in the 
 afternoon of the 11th of Fifth month, 1838 ; and we 
 reverently believe, is, through redeeming love and 
 mercy, entered into the everlasting joy of his Lord. 
 
INDEX. 
 
 Barolat, John, opinion of, respecting the recorded expe- 
 riences of the faithful 18 
 
 Value to, of his own memoranda 20 
 
 Reflections, &o., of, from his "Accounts of Time" 21-57 
 
 Remarks of, on Domestic life and duties 24 
 
 Do. of, on Business 26 
 
 First attendance of, at the Yearly Meeting 33 
 
 Death of the Father of 38 
 
 Enters a Solicitor's Office on trial 45 
 
 Uneasiness of, with his employment 49 
 
 Remarkable coniirmation, derived from a portion 
 
 of No Cross, No Crown 54 
 
 ' Sickness of, at the time he was to sign the arti- 
 cles of Clerkship 55 
 
 Relinquishes the business 66 
 
 Convinced of the propriety of changing his dress, 
 
 &c 67 
 
 Letter of, to L. A. Barclay 70 
 
 Prospect of, for usefulness in Society 76 
 
 Opinion of, respecting business 80 
 
 Letter of, to his Schoolmaster 85 
 
 Do. toJ.F. Marsh 89 
 
 Address of, to every "fellow-traveller" 97 
 
 Letter of, to T. Shillitoe 104 
 
 Belief of, as to his call to bear testimony against 
 
 the declension in our Society Ill 
 
 Letter of, to J. F. Marsh 116 
 
 Remarks of, concerning those who leave our reli- 
 gious Society 123 
 
 30 * ( 353 ) 
 
354 INDEX. 
 
 Pagt 
 
 Babclat, John, remarks of, concerning vocal prayer 124-lSl 
 
 Address to, by Elizabeth Barker 127 
 
 Letter of, to L. A. Barclay 129 
 
 Yiews of, in relation to Immediate Kevelation, &c. 144 
 
 Letter of, to J. F. Marsli 160 
 
 " " to one under convincement of Friends' 
 
 principles 168 
 
 Remarks of, respecting his preparation of accounts 
 
 for Piety Promoted 192 
 
 Convictions of, respecting giving up his family 
 
 station in the world 196 
 
 Marriage of 199 
 
 Death of the wife of 204 
 
 First speaks as a minister in a family sitting and 
 
 at meeting 208 
 
 Letter of, to a person under serious conviction ... 217 
 
 Letter of, to J. F. Marsh 230 
 
 Acknowledged as a minister 234 
 
 Letters of, to L. A. Barclay 234, 235 
 
 " " " 239 
 
 « " « 242 
 
 Second marriage of 246 
 
 Religious visit of, to Scotland 251 
 
 Visit of, to Ury 253 
 
 Returns home from Scotland 257 
 
 Visit of, to meetings in several counties 259 
 
 Removes to Croydon — Diary of A. Jaffray 269 
 
 Visit of, to Dorset and Hants, &o 270 
 
 Returns home 275 
 
 Attacked by disease in knee 279 
 
 Severe illness of 298 
 
 Epistle of, to his Monthly Meeting, 819 
 
 Letter of, to a "Toung Friend" 821 
 
 " to one of another Profession 336 
 
 Communication of, to Grace Church Monthly Meet- 
 ing ^ 340 
 
 Goes to Brighton — illness of , 848 
 
 Account of sickness of 849 
 
 Death of 352