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Cornell University Library 
 
 PR2336.R8G81911 
 
 Greenes newes both from heaven and hell, 
 
 3 1924 013 122 951 
 
^# 
 
 B Cornell University 
 y Library 
 
 The original of this book is in 
 the Cornell University Library. 
 
 There are no known copyright restrictions in 
 the United States on the use of the text. 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924013122951 
 
B.R.^s Greenes Newes 
 1593 
 
 R.B.'s Greenes Funeralls 
 
 1594 
 
B. R. — R. g. 
 
 Greenes Newes both from 
 Heauen and Hell 
 
 1593 
 
 and 
 
 Greenes Funeralls 
 IS94 
 
 Reprinted from the original editions 
 
 with Notes, &c., by 
 
 R. B. M'=Kerrow 
 
 Published for the Editor by 
 
 SIDGWICK & JACKSON, LTD. 
 
 3 Adam Street, Adelphi 
 
 LONDON. 
 
 I9II 
 ^^ 
 
c 
 
 "Hn 
 
 7i 
 
 
 A^5"S312. 
 
INTRODUCTORY NOTE 
 
 The two tracts here reprinted are not otherwise connected than 
 by the fact that they are both concerned with Robert Greene, for 
 Collier's conjecture that Greeners Funerals as well as Greene's News 
 from Heaven and Hell was the work of Barnabe Rich ^ seems to merit 
 little attention. Both tracts are very rare — so far as I am aware 
 neither has been reprinted since its original publication ^ — and it 
 seemed a pity that they, almost alone of the related pamphlet 
 literature, should remain inaccessible to the vast majority of students. 
 The first, at least, is by no means without merit. While it is indeed 
 somewhat of a patchwork, and hardly fulfils the promise of its title, 
 the story of the fraud on a mercer is decidedly well told, as is also 
 the older and coarser jest of the miller. For Greene's Funerals less 
 can be said, and it must be confessed that the pamphlet is almost 
 entirely without literary value, but it seems worth notice as being, 
 apart from the writings of Nashe, almost the only attempt in defence 
 of Greene. It has also the merit of brevity. 
 
 The tracts are reproduced page for page and line for line.^ The 
 ornaments used are similar to those of the originals, but certain 
 accidental irregularities have not been followed. The printer of 
 Greene's Funerals seems to have been quite indifferent to whether 
 the characters composing the borders at head and foot of his pages 
 were the right way up or not. 
 
 I have given a list of Irregularities and Doubtful Readings, and 
 a very few notes will be found at the end of the book. The language 
 
 ' Bibliographical Account, i. xvii*. 
 
 ^ It is true that in his Bibliograpbia Poetica, 1802, pp. 124-5, Ritson speaks of 
 a 1604 edition of Greene's Funerals, but it seems probable that the date is merely 
 an error. 
 
 ' I have, however, used the blank leaf, H 4, of the first tract for a half-title 
 to <tfae second. 
 
Introductory Note. 
 
 of Greene's News is of some interest, and I have therefore included 
 a number of words and phrases in the index. Nares seems the only 
 lexicographer to have made use of the vvork. 
 
 I. Greeners News from Heaven and Hell 
 
 This tract wras entered in the Stationers' Register on February 3, 
 1592-3, as follows : 
 
 Thomas Adams Entred for his Copie vnder the hande of master Styrrop, war- 
 John Oxenbridge/ den. Greenes newesbothe from Heaven and Hell. &c. . vj* S.' 
 
 It bears no printer's name, and the device upon the title-page, 
 a landscape surrounded by a circular band bearing the words ' MAR- 
 CANTIA REALE ', is not otherwise known to me. Neither Adams 
 nor Oxenbridge seems ever to have engaged in printing. 
 
 The initials B. R. on the title-page are generally supposed to 
 stand for Barnabe Rich, and though we cannot regard this as abso- 
 lutely certain, all the available evidence seems to point to its being 
 correct. Among other things, the following appear to favour Rich's 
 authorship of the work : 
 
 1. The references to Ireland, as in the Dedication and on page 57. 
 Rich served in that country from 1573 to the time of his death (1617), 
 though he seems to have paid occasional visits to London and to 
 the Netherlands. 
 
 2. The strongly anti-Roman tone of the whole book, which is 
 exactly in accordance with that of Rich's acknowledged writings. 
 
 3. The reference to the neglect suffered by old soldiers (on pp. 
 61-2). This was a common subject of complaint with Rich, though 
 indeed there seem to be few, if any, soldier authors of the day who 
 have not something to say on the point. 
 
 4. Of the various editions of Rich's works at least ten, dating from 
 1592 to 1616 were printed for Thomas Adams, and two, in 1598 and 
 1599, for John Oxenbridge. 
 
 The work is of great rarity .^ There is a copy in the British Museum 
 (C. 40. d. 39), but none in the Bodleian, and only about three others 
 
 ^ Arber, Transcript, ii. 626. 
 
 ' In his edition of the Dramatic Works oj Greene Dyce remarked that he had 
 never seen the book (oue-vol. ed., p. 80). 
 
 vi 
 
Introductory Note. 
 
 are known to be in existence. It is a quarto of the usual size, the 
 preliminary matter being in roman and italic type, the text of the 
 work in black-letter, with the customary roman for names and italic 
 for Latin phrases. In the present reprint roman type has, for con- 
 venience of reading and to save expense, been substituted for black- 
 letter, and in the text italic type has been used for the roman as well 
 as the italic of the original.^ This does not, however, apply to the 
 title-page, epistle, heading on p. 7 or running title, all of which 
 remain in roman or italic as in the original. 
 
 A peculiarity of p. 15 (B. 4) must be mentioned here. In the 
 original, 11. 15-24, 27-35, with the exception of one or two words, 
 most mysteriously appear to be in a different fount of type from that 
 in which the rest of the book is printed. The face of the type is 
 much the same as that used elsewhere, if not identical with it, but 
 the body of the type is distinctly narrower, and, as may be seen in 
 the reprint, the lines hold more than the usual number of letters. 
 I can offer no explanation of the peculiarity. Perhaps something 
 was omitted from these passages, and the printer, happening to have 
 the narrower fount, used it to save overrunning, or perhaps, as was 
 sometimes done, the type was set up at the compositor's own house, 
 and the printer made corrections in a fount which he happened to 
 have at hand. 
 
 2. Greene's Funerals 
 
 This tract was entered in the Stationers' Register on February i, 
 1593-4, as follows : 
 
 John Danter •/• Entred for his Copie vnder thandes of bothe the wardens a booke 
 intituled Greene his funeralles ..... vj* ' 
 
 The identity of the R. B. whose initials appear on the title-page is 
 
 ' In the case of the punctuation, however, I have had to modify this rule and only 
 use italic when the original punctuation is italic or when the punctuation belongs 
 exclusively to a phrase which, being roman in the original, has been altered to 
 italic in the reprint. The reason for this is that in the original most brackets and all 
 semi-colons used to punctuate the black-letter, as well as many colons, are roman. 
 It would have given a needlessly odd appearance to the text to represent all these 
 by italic. 
 
 ' Arber, Transcript, ii. 644. b 
 
 vii 
 
Introductory Note. 
 
 uncertain. By Ritson it was stated that the author of the work was 
 ' supposed ' to be Richard Barnfield/ who seems indeed to be the only 
 known writer of the day with these initials to whom it could reason- 
 ably be attributed. There exists, however, a poem by * R. B. Gent.* 
 entitled Orpheus his Journey to Hell, published in 1595, and the 
 initials also appear in some trifling productions of about 1580. 
 
 The correctness of this attribution to Barnfield is very generally 
 disputed. Dyce in the Introduction to his edition of the Dramatic 
 Works of Greene * doubts whether the work is not too poor to be 
 Barnfield's, and Collier, in his History of English Dramatic Poetry, 
 1831, iii. 147, states that it is certainly unworthy of him. In his 
 Bibliographical Account of the Rarest Books, i. xvii*, he suggests that 
 R. B. stood for Barnabe Rich. 
 
 It may, I think, at once be said that if Greeners News from Heaven 
 and Hell is rightly attributed to Rich, Greeners Funerals cannot 
 possibly be his. The attitude taken towards Greene in the two tracts 
 seems to be far too different for them to be the work of the same 
 author. Further, had Rich been a friend and defender of Greene 
 we should not have expected another friend and defender, Thomas 
 Nashe, to refer to him in such a contemptuous way as he does in 
 his Have with you to Saffron-Walden. A last argument, perhaps of 
 slight importance, may be derived from the presence at the end of 
 Greene's Funerals of two sets of verses by Richard Stanyhurst. Rich, 
 who was a sturdy Protestant, had met Stanyhurst, a Catholic, at 
 Antwerp, apparently some time between 1582 and 1592, and seems 
 to have conceived a violent animosity against him, to which he gives 
 expression in more than one of his works. It is, however, but fair 
 to say that we do not know that Rich's dislike of Stanyhurst dates from 
 their first meeting, and further, that it is not certain that the two 
 pieces in question were added to the book at R. B.'s desire. They 
 have no connexion with what goes before, and may well have been 
 inserted by the printer to fill a couple of blank pages. Indeed, the 
 idea of Greene solacing his last moments by reciting Stanyhurst's 
 English hexameters has about it a certain grotesqueness which makes 
 one hesitate to attribute it to a serious admirer. 
 
 ' Bibliographia Poelica, 1802, pp. 124-5. ' One-vol. ed., p. 39. 
 
 viii 
 
Introductory Note. 
 
 The evidence for Barnfield's authorship consists chiefly in the 
 initials, but there is one other slight point in favour of attributing 
 the book to him, namely, the great similarity between the English 
 hexameters of sonnet vii and the verses in the same meter entitled 
 ' Helen's Rape ' at the end of the Affectionate Shepherd, 1594, which 
 Barnfield acknowledges to be his. For the rest, it must be remem- 
 bered that if the work is indeed Barnfield's it is probably earlier in 
 date than anything else of his which we have, and that as he was 
 born in June 1574, he would only have been in his nineteenth or 
 at most twentieth year at the time of writing it. There seems little 
 evidence to be derived from the style, but it is worth noticing that 
 twice in these few poems the rhetorical figure of anaphora is used 
 (p. 72, 11. 1-4, and p. 8i, 11. 1-4), a figure of which Barnfield seems 
 to have been particularly fond.^ 
 
 The objections against the attribution of the work to Barnfield 
 are firstly, the existence of the other work by R. B., namely, Orpheus 
 his Journey to Hell, 159S, which no one seems ever to have imagined 
 to be his, and secondly the preface to Barnfield's Cynthia, 1595, where 
 he speaks of that work as his ' second fruites ', and refers to the 
 Affectionate Shepherd as the first, ' howsoeuer undeseruedly (I protest) 
 I haue beene thought (of some) to haue beene the authour of two 
 Books heretofore.' ^ These are undoubtedly strong objections, and 
 certainly seem of more force than the arguments on the opposite side, 
 but yet I am not sure that Barnfield's disclaimer of the authorship of 
 other works than the two above mentioned excludes the possibility 
 of the ' R. B.' of Greeners Funerals having been intended by the pub- 
 lisher to stand for his name, and there being really something of his 
 in the work. Danter, in his preface, says that the verses were pub- 
 lished without the author's knowledge. May he not have got hold 
 
 ' Compare his Poems, ed. Arber, pp. 20, st 5 ; 28, st. 5 ; 31, St. 5 ; 33, st. 3 ; 
 and often. 
 
 ' Poems, ed. Arber, p. 44. Attention seems first to have been called to this by 
 Collier in his Hist. Eng. Dr. Poetry, 1831, i. xxviii. There is some doubt as to the 
 identity of the two books which Barnfield disclaims. Greene's Funerals may well 
 have been one, but Orpheus his Journey to Hell can hardly have been the other, 
 for, as Mr. Arber points out {Poems, p. xx), that work was not entered in the 
 Stationers' Register until six months later than Cynthia. 
 
 ix 
 
Introductory Note. 
 
 of one or two unfinished pieces of Barnfield's ^ never intended for 
 publication, and eked them out by the addition of a few fragments 
 of rubbish written by some one whom he had about the place, or even 
 by himself f If this were the case Barnfield could hardly be blamed 
 for attempting to dissociate himself altogether from the pamphlet, 
 which was indeed a credit to no one concerned. 
 
 The book is extremely rare, and the only copy of which I have 
 been able to hear is the one in the Bodleian Library (Tanner 217), 
 from which the present reprint has been made. 
 
 ' It is clear that Barnfield must have been beginning to get some reputation in 
 literary circles, for otherwise he would not have been troubled by any one attributing 
 to him the books — whatever they were — which he disclaims in his Cynthia. 
 
LIST OF 
 IRREGULARITIES, DOUBTFUL READINGS, etc. 
 
 In ' Greene s Funerals ' /ignore tie very numerous cases of a roman letter used 
 for an italic and vice versa, as luell as most of the irregularities of punctuation. 
 
 1 . 1 1 Anno. Domini. 
 
 30. 7 Camber 
 
 5. 1 6 \xtan.rLg\Mark after this tuord, 
 
 2 1 Church-1 Hyphen a little doubt- 
 
 probably merely dirt. 
 
 ful 
 
 6. I y\ Italic brackets are throughout 
 
 31. 17 you :] Possibly a semicolon. 
 
 frequently used for roman. 
 
 32. 6 a funder : 
 
 I do not note these. 
 
 33. 9 foorth. The 
 
 7. 7-8 con-ciets, 
 
 12 fcooling 
 
 8 quarter 
 
 34. 34 vidluales And 
 
 8. 31 Tormoyle'\May possibly be Toi- 
 
 36. 14 quintinfence 
 
 moyle. 
 
 19 altogether. 
 
 9. 12-13 fome-time 
 
 38. 16-17 oue"" paffed 
 
 37 quyetly, trauelling 
 
 39. 28-9 not not 
 
 11.13 geneeofitie 
 
 40. 4 Possibly attempted 
 
 13. 38 Courteons 
 
 19 Possibly were 
 
 14. 15 com^3X\y\Mark, probably dirt. 
 
 22 well-lyking] Hyphen rather 
 
 15. 15-35] On these lines see Intro- 
 
 doubtful. 
 
 ductory Note, p. vii. 
 
 41. 18 you you 
 
 16. 21-2 continue the 
 
 37 whith 
 
 34 be foole 
 
 43. 36 firifled 
 
 17. 10- 1 1 frau-delent 
 
 44. 5 eondndl 
 
 19. 6 beflowed 
 
 5 lytttle 
 
 19. 35 a truth, 
 
 6 ill fauoured] Possibly hyphened. 
 
 22. 33 Comation 
 
 45. 27 good; But 
 
 33. 6 told 
 
 36 precpts 
 
 24. 8 withall 
 
 48. 3 furniftied 
 
 25. 19 by 
 
 50. 14 to, 
 
 21 your felfe] Possibly hyphened. 
 
 51. 22 there, 
 
 32 along 
 
 55. 8 Possibly fhewany 
 
 37 tell ;] Possibly a comma. 
 
 35-6 Tra/ubjlantiation 
 
 26. 23 other] Marl, probably dirt. 
 
 56 h.l. Green es 
 
 27. 28 doo vfe 
 
 58. 23 fong.] Possibly comma. 
 
 28. 4 her? 
 
 60. 17-18 the the 
 
 29. 6 you faide 
 
 2 3 pradlifes ; Then 
 
 1 4 foorfooth ? 
 
 29 any] ? read my 
 
 22 Sub intelegitur,] Space a little 
 
 62. 18 ment 
 
 doubtful. 
 
 71. 10 Joent 
 
 XI 
 
List of Doubtful Readings. 
 
 73. 6 fr'tendy 
 14 morrali%e, 
 74. 10 Lords :] The L is of a tmaller 
 fount. 
 II Gallant, 
 76. 1 3 The edge of the paper is torn 
 off", and of the 1 of It only a 
 trace remains, 
 77- 17 con/umde. 
 18 pre/umde 
 79. 14 in ueigh 
 18 miudes 
 2 2 turtten 
 
 80. II an 
 
 81 Sonnet, IX.] TheX is of a 
 smaller fount and has dropped. 
 
 82. 9 neuerbut 
 
 83. 13 XL] The stop has dropped a 
 
 line. 
 
 85. 6 Pudddle 
 II the 
 
 86. S relinguifh, 
 6 precpts 
 
 /*ar/ o/"/^!! lower border of this 
 page is cut off. 
 87. 15 participiates, 
 
 XH 
 
GREENES NEWES BOTH FROM 
 HEAVEN AND HELL. 
 
 By B. R. 
 
GREENES 
 
 Newes both from 
 
 Heauen and HelL 
 
 Prohibited the firft for writing of 
 
 Bookes,and banifhed out of the lafl for 
 
 difplaying of Conny- 
 
 catchers. 
 
 Commended to the Prejfe 
 By B. R. 
 
 AT LONDON, 
 ^ Printed, Anno. Domini. 
 
 15 9 3- 
 
5^^To the renowned Gregory Coolie^ 
 
 chiefe Burgermaifter of the Caftle of Clonarde^ 
 
 Marqueffe of merry conceits, and Grande Caualier amongft 
 Boune companions and all good feUowfhip ; At his 
 5 chafte Chamber at Dublyne in Irelande, 
 
 B. R. fendeth greeting. 
 
 T was my fortune (Sir) 
 
 not long fince, to trauaile between 
 Pancredge Church & Pye-comer, 
 beeing fomewhat late in the Eue- 
 ning, about an houre after the fet- 
 ting of the Sunne: and cafting vp 
 mine eyes towardes the skyes, to 
 beholde the twinckling ftarres 
 that had then but newly difcoue- 
 red themfelues, I might fee how the Man of the Moone was 
 beating of his dogge. Thys fearefuU afpeft did wonderfuUie 
 daunt mee, with doubt of fome angry accident that might 
 ftiortly betide me; And I had not paced many fteppes, but 
 20 diredtly in the path before me, there appeared a moft griflie 
 ghoft wrapt vp in a fheete, his face onely difcouered, with a 
 penne vnder his eare, and holding a fcrowle of written paper 
 in his hande. I crofled the way of purpofe to fhunne him, but 
 crofle as I could he was euer-more before mee, that pafle I 
 25 might not, vnlefle I fliould runne ouer him ; I remembred 
 my felfe how old Fathers were wont to fay, that Spirits in {iich 
 cafes, had no power to fpeake to any man, vntUl they were 
 firft fpoken vnto, and therefore taking vnto me a conftrained 
 courage, I asked him what he was, & what was his meaning 
 
 A 2 to 
 
 [ 3 J 
 
The Epiftle. 
 
 to trouble mee in my paflage? who aunfwered thus. I am 
 (faide he) a Spirite, yet feare thou nothing, for my comming 
 is not to doe thee any manner of harme, but to requeft a mat- 
 ter at thy handes which thou maift not denay me, for thou 
 muft vnderftand, I am the fpirite of Robert Greene, not vn- 5 
 knowne vnto thee (I am fure) by my name, when my wry- 
 tings lately priuiledged on euery poft, hath giuen notice of 
 my name vnto infinite numbers of people that neuer knewe 
 me by the view of my perfon. 
 
 The matter that I would requeft thee to performe, is the 10 
 committing of thefe papers to the Prefle, wherein, becaufe I 
 haue there manifefted the very drift of mine owne deuife, I 
 may therefore be the more fparing vnto thee, in relating the 
 circumftances : thys may fuffife, nor faile not thou to doe as 
 I haue willed thee. 15 
 
 Heere-withall, popping the papers into my hand, I can 
 not tell what account I fhould make of his departure, or whe- 
 ther I might fay he flew into the ayre, or funck into the earth, 
 he was fo fuddainly vanifht out of my fight, but I was gladde 
 I was ridde of his companie, and home-wards I went haftilie 20 
 to my lodging : where calling for a light, I began by my felfe 
 to perufe ouer thefe lynes, wherein I founde fuch a meflie of 
 altogether, that I knew not what I fliould make of the med- 
 lie. 
 
 Spyced it was heere and there with Myjilin, a kinde of 25 
 graine that is made of Knaue and Rye, mixed both together, 
 pleafurable it was in many places to be read, and therefore fit- 
 teft for melancholie humors. And bethinking mee of my 
 freendes to whom I might commend it, in the end I refolued 
 of your owne good felfe : and the rather finding it to be de- 30 
 lightfull and pleafant, I thought it a fit reftoratiue to recall 
 you from that melancholie conceite, that hath fo long pefterd 
 your braines, for the lofTe of a Myll, difmembred and Ihaken 
 downe by the rage of a pelting pufFe of winde, but fuch a 
 paultry tempeft fhould not difmay a man of your fpyrite, 35 
 when it is well knowne to euery Gamfter, that although the 
 knaue of trumpes be the fecond Carde at Mawe, yet the 
 
 fiue-finger 
 [ 4 J 
 
The Epiftle. 
 
 fiue-finger may commaunde both him and all the reft of the 
 pack. I could tel you a tale (Maifter Gregory) of an Afle, who 
 leauing the place where he was firft foald, fortuned to ftray 
 into a ftrange Forreft, and finding the beaftes of that Defart 
 5 to be but fimple, and had neuer feene the maieftie of the Ly- 
 on, neyther had they felt the cruelty of the Tygar, nor had a- 
 ny manner of wayes beene wronged by the opprefsions of 
 the Leopard, the Beare, the Panther, or any other deuouring 
 or rauening beaftes. 
 
 lo Thys paltry Afle, feeing their fimple plainnefle, founde 
 meanes to wrap himfelfe in a Lyons skinne, and then with 
 proude lookes and loftie countenaunce, raunging among the 
 Heardes, he would ftretch out his filthy throate, bellowing 
 and braying (as nature had taught him) with fo hideous and 
 
 15 horrible a noyfe, that the poore beaftes that were within hys 
 hearing beganne already to tremble & ftiake for feare. Then 
 he began to tyrannife, commaunding what himfelfe pleafed 
 amongft them, and not contenting himfelfe with that obey- 
 fance, which had beene fit for an honorable beaft, and more 
 
 20 then was due to an Afle, would many times take vppon him 
 fome duties proper to the perfon of the Lyon himfelfe : and 
 in the end became a notable flieepe-byter, worrying and de- 
 uouring whole flockes of poore ftieepe, that happened with- 
 in his precindte or iurifdidtion. 
 
 25 The Wolfe that had layne all this while clofe amongft 
 the Mountaines, and hauing gotten vnderftanding of the na- 
 ture and difpofition of this Afle, thought him a fit compani- 
 on for his confortftiyppe, and combyned with him in fuch a 
 freendly league, that betweene them, the one taking opportu- 
 
 30 nity to filtch and fteale in the night, the other vfing his tyrany 
 to rauen and deuoure in the day, the poore harmelefl'e Cattle 
 that liued within their reach, were ftil opprefl'ed, & neuer free 
 fro perril. The Afle grew to that greatnes that he was furna- 
 med Tarquinius fuperbus^ not that Tarquine that rauiflied Lu- 
 
 35 cretia of her honour, but it was that Tarquine that rauifhed a 
 Church of her lyuings : and an Afle I founde him, and fo I 
 will leaue him. 
 
 A 3 Perad- 
 
 [5 3 
 
The Epiftle. 
 
 Peraduenture (Ma. Gregory) you expefted a wifer con- 
 clufion, but what would you looke to come from a man that 
 hath beene lately fo skarred with fprites, that he hath not yet 
 recouered the right vfe of his fences : it may be true that de- 
 uils are afraid to pafTe by a crofTe, but I am fure knaues are 5 
 not afraide to fhroude themfelues behinde a Condite. You 
 may perceiue (Syr) my wits are fette a wandering, but know- 
 ing your difcretion enough to conceiue my meaning, I will 
 trouble you no further, but with this abrupt conclufion will 
 bid you hartily farewell. ic 
 
 Your affured freend. 
 
 B. R. 
 
 [6] 
 
S^ Greenes newes both from 
 
 Heauen and Hell. 
 E not difmaied (my good freends) 
 
 that a deade man ftioulde acquaint you with 
 newes, for it is I^ / per Je I, Robert Greene, in 
 Artibus Ma^Jier, he that was wont to foli- 
 cite your mindes with many pleafant con- 
 cietSj^Jo^fit your fancies at y leaft euery qnarter of the yere, 
 with ftrange & quaint deuifes, beft befeeming the feafon, and 
 lo moft anfwerable to your pleafures. Hauing therfore fo ma- 
 ny times taken the true meafure of your appetites, & finding 
 the very height of your difpofitions inclined to nouelties, that 
 you might the rather fee howe willing I am to fatif-fie your 
 humors, I haue fent you heere the whole difcourfe of my ad- 
 15 uentures, what hath betyde mee fince I left the terreftiall 
 worlde, with a very true report of my infernall trauailes. 
 Strange peraduenture for you to vnderftand of, but for the 
 truth of the matter, if you fhall any where ftand in doubt, doo 
 but compare the place with that golden volume of Legenda 
 20 Aurea, or with the workes of that famed wife man Syr 
 Thomas More, in his Booke of Quoth I to your freend, and 
 quoth your freend to me, in his difcourfe of Eutopia, & The 
 Jupplkation of Joules in Purgatory. If your confcience be 
 yet fcrupeld, and that thefe authentike authorities will not 
 25 fully fatif-fie you : turne ouer then to the Remifh Tejlament, 
 and leauing the Chapters and wordes of the Euangeliftes, 
 looke into the notes inferted by that holy fraternitie of le- 
 Juites, and that blefled broode of Seminaries, and tel me then 
 if you do not find matter feeming more incredible the any by 
 30 me here alleaged, and yet I dare boldly auouch it, (and that 
 without blufliing) if you confider duly of the circumftances, 
 
 you 
 
 [ 7 J 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 you {hall finde no lefle caufe to laugh at the one, then to be- 
 leeue the other. Hauing thus prepared your mindes to re- 
 celue the certaintie of my difcourfe, now likewife fette open 
 your eares, and be attentiue to the reft, for thus it foloweth. 
 
 When pittiles Death had fommoned my foule to leaue his 5 
 tranfitory eftate, infufing his frofty humour through all the 
 parts of my body, leauing my breathles corps a fitte pray for 
 the fepulcher, my deceafed ghoft wandring now to and fro in 
 many obfcure & vnknown waies, defirous to find a place of 
 reft, at the length lighted into a ftraight and narrow tracS, fo lo 
 ouergrowne with bryers & brambles, that there was almoft 
 no paflage left, and as it fliould feeme vnto me, did lead vnto 
 fome ruinated place, where all former trade & traffique was 
 decayed, the folitarines wherof (me thought) was beft befit- 
 ting & anfwerable to my humor : fo that with great difficulty 15 
 fcratching through the bufties, it brought me at the length to 
 the foote of a mighty fteepe Hil, whofe height I was not able 
 to difcerne, but by the vnpleafantnes of y path, leading ouer 
 monftrous Rocks craggy & ill fauoured to pafTe, I perceiued 
 it to be the high way to Heauen. But ftiould I tel you heere 20 
 the toUe y 1 had to climbe this Mountaine, with what labor 
 I attained it, how many breathings I tooke by the way be- 
 fore I could reach it, what folly I found in my felfe to vnder- 
 take it, and fhould I difcribe vnto you at large howe many 
 inconueniences they finde that vndertakes thys paflage to 25 
 Heauen, peraduenture. I might fo difcourage you, that a 
 great number would neuer defire to come there at all, but 
 thys I can aflure you for your better comforts, he that hath 
 a willing minde to vndertake thys trauaile, let hym brin^ 
 with hym a pottle of that lyqupur, which I was wont to 30 
 drinlce^witK inyTToftefle, at the-JR.edde-JattejGfe in Tgrmqyk 
 fireete, and hee ftiall finde it more auailable in the furthe- 
 ring of hys iourney, then a whole poke full of the Popes 
 pardons. 
 
 When I was gotten vp to the toppe of the Hill, after 35 
 that I had a little panted for breath, looking forwarde ouer 
 a fayre greene, (as my high way did direft mee) I myght 
 
 perceiue 
 [8 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 percelue (a little diftant from mee) where two were faft to- 
 gether by the eares: weapons they had none, more than 
 their bare fiftes, but with them they laide on fuch load, that I 
 perceiued the one was loath to remayne in the others debt ; 
 5 and I fomewhat mending my pace, when I was come vnto 
 them, prefently knew them b oth to be of mine olde acquain- 
 taunceTTheone Veluet breecheSy the pt^er Cloth breeches^ 
 betweene whom I had fnot long before) beene a ftickler, and 
 (as I fuppofed) had taken a quyet order betweene them for 
 
 10 ending of alLcontrouerfies. But they neuer the more vppon 
 my ariuall forbare the one the other, but fometimes with 
 downe-right blowes, enough to haue feld a Bullocke: fome- 
 time with bobbes at the lippes, able to haue dafht out theyr 
 teeth : otherwhiles lugging one an other by the eares, as if 
 
 15 they had committed fome offence in liftning too lightly after 
 foolifh fpeeches : but Veluet ^rejches b eing jn the French 
 fafhion, with a goodly locke hanging_ downe his left cheeke, 
 •<ifj\\zx'vi\Clotli breeches had fb fnarled his fingers, that when 
 I thruTl: in betweene them to haue parted them, I could not 
 
 20 pluck away his hand, tyll he had pluckt away hayre and all 
 that he had holde on : but hauing once put them a funder, I 
 wild them as they were men to hold their hands, why (qd. I) 
 doo you know what you doo, or doo you remember the place 
 where you are ? I am fure wee be not farre from Heauen 
 
 25 gates, and if S. Teter fhould vnderftand of your abufe, I 
 knowe he would commit you both to the Porters Lodge. 
 
 Veluet breeches, who was fo farre out of breath that hee 
 was not able to fpeake, in the end, when he had a while well 
 bluftred and blowne, deliuered mee thefe words. 
 
 30 This bafe fellowe, whom I haue euer difdayned, and al- 
 though in our late controuerfie, by the inconfideration of a 
 partiall lurie, he preuayled againft me, fentence being giuen 
 on his fide, the which I thinke dooth incourage him the ra- 
 ther in his prefumption toward mee, but I euer fcorning 
 
 35 him, denying him (as he is) vnworthy to conuerfe with a 
 Gentleman of any quallitie or trayning vp: and as I was 
 yerwhiles quyetly, trauelling all alone in a folitarie mufe, 
 
 B how 
 
 [9 J. 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 how 1 might behaue my felfe when I came to heauen, what 
 falutations I might render to the Sainfts, with what grace 
 I might giue the Bafeles manes to the Monarches and great 
 Princes that had raigned in the world, and what counte- 
 nance I might carry, beft befeeming a Gentleman of my re- 5 
 putation & calling, newly comming amongft fo many Gran- 
 gers of al forts, amongft whom I was altogether vnknown, 
 and had no manner of acquaintance : as I was painfully and 
 with great difficultie trauelling vp the hill, in thefe & other 
 like cogitations, this barbarous fellow (whofe rude training 10 
 vp hath better inabled him to indure labour & toile, than thofe 
 that haue lyued in pleafure & eafe) was followed hard at my 
 heeles before I was aware of him, which in truth at the firft 
 made me halfe afraide, but looking back & feing who it was, 
 my feare was turned into difdaine, and my ftomacke mer- ig 
 uailoufly began to fwell againft him : but without any man- 
 ner of word fpeaking vnto him I kept my way, the which be- 
 ing fo ftraight fas you know) that there can pafle but one at 
 once, I held him behinde me, till I was gotten vp to the very 
 height of the hill, where the pafl'age growing more fpacious, 20 
 he makes no more adoe at the matter, but without any word 
 fpeaking fteps afore, & began to hold on his way as though I 
 had beene but his man, and fhould haue waited on him in his 
 iourney, the which my ftomacke not able to brooke, I reproo- 
 ued his malipart faucinefle; he by and by began to grow in- 25 
 to comparifons, both of my felfe and my petegree, when it is 
 well knowne that Veluet breeches was neuer lefle than a 
 Gentleman, and Cloth breeches neuer more than a Pefant, 
 and that I haue euer kept company, where fuch a vaflell as 
 he is might be afhamed to ftiew his face, and therefore holde 30 
 it in great fcorne, that he ftiould take the way of me, now tra- 
 uelling to fo glorious a prefence. Cloth breeches, that ftood 
 all this while with his head hanging on the one fide, and by- 
 ting of his nether lyppe, aunfwered him thus. 
 
 Veluet breeches, touching thy parentage, from whence 35 
 thou art defcended, what thou maift claime for thy gentilitie, 
 and how thou maintayneft thy brauery, thou knoweft hath 
 
 beene 
 [ 10 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 beene already fufficiently difputed vppon betweene vs, and 
 by the verdid of a lury, (whom thou falfly accufeft of incon- 
 fiderat partiality) they haue pronounced againft thee, and de- 
 creede on my fide, the which fentence, vntill by a new tryall 
 5 thou dooft feeke to auerre, thou art not till then able to auoid : 
 I wil not therfore reitterate any matter already handled and 
 fully concluded, but briefly to aunfwere thy pafTed fpeeches ; 
 Thou faydft thou wert halfe afraide when I firft ouertooke 
 thee, and I beleue thee, for I perceiued by thy blufliing, that 
 
 lo either thou wafl; in doubt of a Cunjtabk, that had follow- 
 ed thee with Hue and crye, or of a Bayliffe, with a writ out 
 of the Kings Bench, that had come to arreft thee : for the 
 geneeofitie thou braggeft of, acknowledging thy felfe to be a 
 gentleman, & accounting me for a pefant, I will deale plainly 
 
 1 5 with thee in that : there be fome fooles in deede like thy felfe, 
 that doo cal thee Mafter Veluet breeches, & mee they call good- 
 man Cloth breeches, but looke generally through al the parts 
 of England, and you fhall fee the goodman Cloth breeches at 
 home keeping good Hofpitalitie, when Ma. Veluet breeches 
 
 20 fels away his houfe, or keepes his doores fhut and will not be 
 fpoken withall : for the company which thou fayft thou haft 
 kept, wher I might be alhamed to fhew my face, I know not 
 wher it fhold be, vnlefle in fome brothel houfe, for thofe be the 
 places where thou moft frequenteft : wherin thou haft truely 
 
 25 {poke, for there in deed I would be much aftiamed to be feene. 
 Veluet breeches would faine haue replyed, but that I in- 
 terrupted him in thefe words, faying. 
 
 My Mafters and very good friends both, I perceiue you 
 haue not read al my bookes, which I haue purpofly put forth 
 
 30 for the benefite of my CpuntrymejT,7lor if you had but feene 
 Gfeenef farewell to folly, me thinkes the bare tytle, without 
 turning ouer leafe to looke further into the matter, might 
 haue^inbiied~your to this "confideration, that the very ground 
 of your contention is meere folly and flat fooriftines, the which 
 
 35 you ftiould haue fliaken hands withall, and fo to haue bid it 
 adieu, taking a faire farewel of a foule ouerfight : and-in one 
 other of Iny bookes, called Gre^KW groats worth ofwitjyfhy, 
 if there were but one peny worth of wit equally diftributed 
 
 B X betweene 
 
 [ II ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 betweene you both, you would neuer vfe to quarrell, & fal to- 
 gether by the eares as you trauell by the way : blame me not 
 my good Countrymen, though I vfe bitter expulfiues to expel 
 your grofTe errors, you are trauelling I perceiue to a place of 
 blefled peace & quiet reft, what wold you think to enter with 5 
 malicious mindes ? no, the Porter is circumfped, & can looke 
 narrowly into mens difpofitions. You Maifter Veluet 
 breecheSy you are a Gentleman, and you are brauely futed 
 & gallantly apparrelled, and you peraduenture will looke for 
 preheminence : but doo you think that either your great tytle lo 
 or gay clothes will any thing at all ftand you in fteede : no, 
 for S. Peter will firft looke into your Scutchine, (for if you 
 be a Gentleman you muft Ihewe your armes, otherwife you 
 will be proued but a counterfeit, and th^fe S. Peter cannot 
 abide) and if there Ihall be found either in the coate or creftj 15 
 any bloody or cruell beaft, any rauenous or deuouring foule, 
 or any other marke or token whatfoeuer, whereby it may ap- 
 pear e, that your gentry hath beetle aduaunced by rape, by 
 rauen, by bribery, by deceipt, by oppreffion, by extortion, by 
 vfury, by periury, and to make fhort, by any manner of fraud 20 
 and fubtiltie, you are vtterly vndoone, he will locke the gates 
 againft you, hee will hotTuffeFyou to enter. And you^ood- 
 man~Cidt/r^eec7ies^~^rad.ueniure " you vnder your fimple 
 attyre and homelyEabTt, you thihke tojffnd fbmuch the more 
 fauour: but I can tell you it will -not feme the turne, for S. 25 
 P^/^r fhuts but fortie lalfe knaues in a yeere, that come cree- 
 ping thether in Fryers coates, and Monkes Coules. 
 
 I am now to put you in mind of an other of my Bookes, 
 called Greenes neuer too late : O that you had but read ouer 
 that Booke in time, but nowe it is too late for me to fpend 30 
 fuch wifhes, and more later for you to redrefle your former 
 follyes, it refteth then that we agree together like friends, 
 and trauell together like louing Countreymen: let vs not 
 exhibite complaints one againft an other, for you fhall finde 
 we ftiall be charged with matters more than we ftiall well 33 
 be able to aunfwere. 
 
 Truely faid Veluet breeches, your wife perfwafions hath 
 
 fo 
 
 [ 13 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 fo lenefied my cholloricke paffion, that I am contented for 
 this prefent iourney, to admit of Cloth breeches as a compa- 
 nion: neither is it himfelfe that I doe fo much difpife, but his 
 meane and fimple attyre. 
 5 And for my part (anfwered Cloth breeches) I can be con- 
 tented to pafTe in friendly maner with Veluet breeches: ney- 
 ther is it his gay apparrell that I find fault withall, but with 
 his feuerall and fundry abufes. 
 
 Well then (faid I) I hope the greateft part of this quar- 
 
 lo rel is at an end for the prefent, let vs therfore fpend no longer 
 time with any further difcourfings, but let vs goe forwards 
 tUl wee haue likewife ended our iourney : agreede faid they, 
 and forwardes wee went, and within a very fmall diftance 
 we might perceiue a farre more cleere and radient light, than 
 
 15 euer before till that prefent wee had i, beholden, and immedi- 
 atly wee might beholde the tops of the heauenly buildings, 
 whofe towers and turrets were of fuch exceeding brightnes, 
 that our eyes dazeled, we were not able direftly to looke vpon 
 them, which gaue vs fo great comfort, that we mended our 
 
 20 pace, tyll at the laft we might heare the moft fweete and de- 
 ledrable melody, that euer (I thinkej happened to any eares, 
 the harmony not poflible to bee defcrybed ; and by this time 
 we were come hard to heauen gates, which we found fhutte 
 and faft locked, and at the leaft, a hundreth perfons walking 
 
 25 vp and downe with fad and heauie countenances, conferring 
 now and then by two or three together, making femblance 
 by the fliewe of their behauiour, that their mindes were per- 
 plexed with fome diftrefled griefe. This fpe6lacle made mee 
 wonderfully to mufe, what I might think of the matter, but 
 
 3° we three holding ftill in company, pafled too and fro by them, 
 and they lykewife by vs, we knowing none of them, nor they 
 knowing none of vs : at the laft meeting with one al alone by 
 himfelf, whofe graue & fober afpedls, argued a ftayed and dif^ 
 creete mind, and leauing my company for the time, I fingled 
 
 35 him out, firft faluting him with a courteous Conge, the 
 which he as kindly returning me agayne, I began in this 
 fort to enter parle with him. 
 
 B 3 Courteons 
 
 C 13 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 Courteous Syr, if a ftrangers boldnefle might not breed 
 offence, I would requeft you to fatiffie mee but in this one 
 demaund, I am (as you may perceiue) vnacquainted in this 
 place, hauing taken a tedious and painfull trauell, and being 
 now arriued, would be glad to vnderftand the fuccefle of my 5 
 iourney, and I haue walked too & fro heere this long hower, 
 and in all this fpace I could neuer fee any one pafle either in 
 or out, nor the gate fo much as opened, which feemeth ftrange 
 vnto mee, confidering the multitude which doo frequent the 
 place, it makes me iealous, that all fhould not be well in hea- lo 
 uen, and to growe into fufpition of I know not what. 
 
 Truely my good friend (anfwered this graue firj it fhould 
 feeme you haue neuer bin a futer, that wold looke for fo quick 
 a difpatch, you haue walked vp and down (you fay) heere this 
 hower, and there be heere in this company that haue trauel- 15 
 led as farre as you, and haue walkt vp and downe heere this 
 moneth, peraduenture a yeere, perhaps more, and would bee 
 glad if they might be difpatched yet, within a weeke, a fort- 
 night, or a moneth, yea, if it were fomwhat more, they would 
 be glad euen then to come to an end of their futes, you mufl 20 
 (Syr) therefore be contented to ftay your time, & to take your 
 fortune, and thinke you came hether in a very happy houre, if 
 you be difpatched in a quarter of a yeere. Your news fir (faid 
 I) doth not a little make me wonder, but if without offence I 
 might but deale thus much farther with you, what might be 25 
 the caufe I befeech you, that there is no more regard to y dif- 
 patching of poore futers, that haue laboured & tyred thefelues 
 many wayes in hope to haue heere a fpeedy releafe, afwel for 
 y redrefTe of their fuflained wrogs, as alfo to be rewarded as 
 they fhalbe found worthy by defart ? for as it is fuppofed, this 30 
 is the very place where lufiice & right is moft duely admi- 
 niftred, & therfore is accounted the only place of comfort : but 
 can there be any greater wrong, than for a man to be fo long 
 deferred from his right ? or may there be a more difcomfort, 
 than when a man fhall neuer hope to haue end of his futes .'' 35 
 
 My good friend (anfwered the other againe) although you 
 haue faid no more than is truth : but yet fomething for your 
 better fatif-fadtion, your confideration mufl: haue fome refer- 
 
 [ 14 ] rence 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 rence to y time, for one of y greateft matters that doth hinder 
 the forwarding of futes at this inftant, ouer it hath beene in 
 times paft, is this, in briefe to be fpoken, the wonderful! af- 
 fayres of great importance, and the continuall bufines that 
 6 S. Peter is dayly troubled withall. 
 
 What I pray fir (fayd I) is S. Peter more troubled with 
 bufinefle now, than in times paft he hath beene ? 
 
 O fir (faid the other) you neede not doubt of that, & there is 
 great reafon for it, that it can not otherwife be, he hath fo ma- 
 
 10 ny affaires to run through, that it is almoft thought impofll- 
 ble how he ftiould execute the all : for fir ft, he is Knight Por- 
 ter heere of heauen gates, a place I warrant you of no lefle 
 charge than trouble : then, he is conftituted the Prince of the 
 ApoflJes, & confirmed in that authority by all the Popes for 
 
 1 5 this three or foure hundreth y eere, fo that al the reft of the Apoftles 
 can doo nothingwithouthis allowance, andwhatfoeuer he dooth 
 they cannot recall: then, he is the Popes Fad:or,& hath the hand- 
 ling&determiningof all caufesfor him,and hath latelybin more 
 troubled with his brablements, for the holding vp of S. Peters 
 
 20 chayre, than with all the Kings & Princes again inChriftendom: 
 fourthly, he is the Mafter of the Requefts, chofen by the papifts 
 to prefent their prayers to God, and theyply him eueryday with 
 moe pelting peticions, than his leyfure will permit to looke ouer 
 in amoneth after : thefe & fo manyother matters hee hathftillto 
 
 25 looke into, that if he had fixe able bodies, they were all too little 
 to run through his other affayres. 
 
 Why (faide I) this is a pitteous cafe, that hauing fuch infinite 
 bufines,as I perceiue byyour fpeeches, that he hath not fome af- 
 fiftantstohelpehim,&that fo many troubles ftiould not lye all on 
 
 30 one mans necke. 
 
 Well (faid he) this is your opinion, you haue gyuen your ver- 
 dit,buthaue you notlearned, Quodfupra nos, nihil ad nos: itisnot 
 for you & me to fay what is behoouefuU for Saints, they knowe 
 their times & what is neceflary, better than you or I can inftruft 
 
 35 the,&therforenottobefoundfaultwithalinanyoftheir dealings. 
 
 Thefe fpeeches ended, giuing him great thankes for his 
 
 curtefie, I returned againe to my two Companions, Veluet 
 
 breeches and Cloth breeches, to whom I imparted all my 
 
 nevves 
 
 [ 16 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 newes, which ftrooke them both into a fuddain dumpe, but 
 efpecially Cloth breeches, whofe trayning vppe had not 
 beene accuftomed much to giue attendance, but it fell out, 
 the very fame after noone, that our Lady, with the eleauen 
 thoufand Virgins, had beene walking in the garden to take 5 
 the ayre, & in her comming backe, fortuning to looke out at a 
 Cafement, fhe fawe vs altogether as we were walking, and 
 calling to her Gentleman vfher, fhee demaunded what wee 
 were. He aunfwered, that we were Suters, which there did 
 giue our attendance. Alas poore foules (faid fhee) I did per- lo 
 ceiue in deede by their pittious lookes, that their minds were 
 troubled with forrowe and griefe, and without any other 
 wordes fpeaking, ftie departed, and caufing all other bufines 
 to be for the time fet a part, fhee tooke order that all futers 
 fhould prefently be difpatched. 15 
 
 The next morning fomething early, S. Peter came foorth 
 to a place where he vfeth to fit for the hearing of caufes, for 
 that there is a cuftome, that if any man doe but once get hys 
 feete within heauen gates, hee is neuer after thruft out, and 
 therefore hee taketh aflured order that none may enter, but 20 
 fuch as fhall be thought worthy for their defarts to continue 
 the place. S. Peter hauing nowe feated himfelfe, order was 
 taken that euery futer Ihoulde fucceffiuely bee heard, he that 
 had remayned longeft to be firft called, and fo to proceede to 
 the fecond in due courfe accordingly. I and my two compa- 25 
 nions were the lateft that were there arriued, and therefore 
 the lafl: to be difpatched : the reft were examined by one and 
 one, and that in fuch feuere and ftraight manner, that a- 
 mongft euery ten, there were fcarce one admitted to haue 
 entrance into heauen, the Articles that were obiedled againft 30 
 them, were too many in this place to bee rehearfed, but one 
 thing I noted well, which was, there were fome that ftiewed 
 him the Popes Pafport, fealed with lead vnder his priuie 
 Sygnet, but lefus how S. Peter did be foole them, to fhewe 
 him fuch a writing, being not confirmed vnder the handes 35 
 of the foure Euangelijls, he commaunded them prefently to a- 
 uoyde and to come no more in his fight. 
 
 Our 
 [ 16 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 Our turnes being now come to fay for our felues, I was 
 the firft of the three that was called for: S. Peter demaun- 
 ded of me what might be my name, and what trade I had v- 
 fed. I tolde him my name was Robert Greene, by profeffion 
 5 a SchoUer, and commenced Maijler of Artes. O (quoth S. 
 Peter) I haue hear^ of you, you haue beene a bufie fellowe 
 with your £enne, it was you that writ the Bookes of Cony- 
 catching, but firra, could you finde out the Safe abufes of a 
 company of petty varlets that liued by pilfering cofonages, 
 
 lo and could you not as well haue difcryed the fubtill and frau- 
 delent pradlifes of great Conny-catchers, fuch as rides vpon 
 footeclothes, and^Tomefim^J^ii^ the 
 
 ftreetes in long gownes and veluet coates : I am fure you 
 haue beene in ff^ejiminjier Hal/,^ -where you hm,e feene_poore 
 
 15 Clyants animated to co mmence aftions, and to profecute 
 futes tni they haue brought themfelues to beggery, & when 
 all is fpenTfhey are turned off like fooles, and fent home by 
 weeping-crofler And let me fee now If any of your Crosby- 
 ters, your Lyfters, your Nyppers, your Foyjlers, or any other 
 
 20 of the wjiole^rabblemgnt of you r Conn y-catc/iers, cal him by 
 wBatjiame^qu Jift, be like vnto thefe, or more mifchiuous 
 in a Common-wealth. Then haue you couitous Landlords, 
 that dooth daily fo exa6l and cheate of their poore Tennants, 
 that they were better light into the laps of a Cutpurfe, then 
 
 25 to dwell within the precinfts of a Cut-throte. Yet haue you 
 a proude kinde of Conny-catchers, that hauing but a Penner 
 and ynckhorne hanging at his gyrdle, yet creeping into fome 
 great mans fauour to become his Clarke or Secretary, by 
 plaine Conny-catching, within very fewe yeeres, wOl pur- 
 
 30 chafe three or foure hundred pound land a yeere. 
 
 Or fhoulde I put you in mind of great Conny-catchers, 
 placed in Offices, who are continually building of houfes, 
 and ftiU purchafing of reuenewes to leaue to theyr heyres, 
 perhaps by deceluing the Prince, or coffoning the Subie6t, 
 
 35 but how Ihould they compafle fo great aboundance, but by 
 fome pradife in Conny-catching: vnleffe they be fuch which 
 the Prince dooth fauour, of whom {he beftoweth many gra- 
 
 C. cious 
 
 [ 17 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 cious and liberall gyfts : I will not fay there bee Conny-cat- 
 chers amongft Clergy men, that will catch at a Benefice 
 fometime before it falles, and nowe and then by Simonie 
 or other corruption hauing catched two or three, can be con- 
 tented likewife to catch their Tythes from their poore flock, 5 
 but very feldome to feede them, or to catch any of their foules 
 to the kingdome of heauen. But n ow jnyJr:e£ndiakediis,for 
 your anfwer, you^tlutjcoulde^bufie_yourj[el^ fable out.fp 
 mariy follies without indiflFerency, and to become a^wryter 
 witK^fucg'pa rtialitie," I li nuTE telT jou truth, heauen is nojha- 10 
 bTtation for any man that can lopke with one eye andwincke 
 with the other, for there muft. none reft there .thaLcLooth vfe 
 to haulte, but fuch as be plaine and true dealing, people. 
 
 I woulde very faine haue replyed in mine owne excufe, 
 but S. Peter cut me off, telling me that I was aunfwered, 15 
 and that hauing mine aunfwere, I {houlde trouble him no 
 further. And foorthwith fpeaking to hym that ftood next mee, 
 afked hym his name. Who told hym that he was called Vel- 
 uet breeches. S. Feter aflced hym further, what Countrey- 
 man he was. He aunfwered an EngU/hman. I cannot think 20 
 you to be a naturall EngUPiman, fayd S. Peter, for that I 
 neuer heard of any of your name in that Country. Yes Syr 
 (if it pleafe you) faid Feluet breeches, my auncefters came 
 in with the Conqueft, and my predeceflburs haue ftill conti- 
 nued Gentlemen both of Worfhip and credite. 25 
 
 As Veluet breeches had ended thefe words, there happe- 
 ned to come by, diuers Princes that had raigned Kinges of 
 England, all of them mounted vpon great Horfles, and had 
 beene abroade vppon the greene running at the Ring: the 
 which Princes being efpyed by S. Peter, he called vnto the, 30 
 requefting them a little to ftay : and then poynting to Vel- 
 uet breeches, he demaunded if any of them did knowe hym, 
 or any of hys name remaining in Englande, in the tyme of 
 theyr raignes and gouernments .'' But they denayed altoge- 
 ther that euer they had feene hym, or euer known any Gen- 35 
 tleman of Englifli byrth that was of his name. 
 
 Amongft this royall troupe, was King Henry the thyrd, 
 
 and 
 [ x8 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 and he confidendy protefted, y in the time of his raigne, there 
 was no fuch perfon to be found, for faid hee, I fent one of my 
 feruants to buy me a payre of hofe, and hee returned againe 
 with a payre that was but of fixe fhillinges and eyght pence 
 6 the price : wherewith I being difpleafed, tolde him that I 
 would haue had hym beftowed a marke of a payre, but hee 
 faid there were none fuch to be gotte. But as for the other 
 £loth breeches that ftandeth by hym, I know him very wel 
 by his lookes, he dooth fo much refemble his auncefters, and 
 
 lo hath the very liuely picture of his Predeceffours, the which 
 were very honeft plaine dealing men, without any manner 
 of falfhood or deceite. 
 
 S. Peter thanked them of their paines, and thus the Prin- 
 ces departed, who beeing gone, S. Peter faide: You haue 
 
 15 heard Ma. Veluet breeches what hath pafled, but yet becaufe 
 you haue auouched your felfe to be a Gentleman, you fhall 
 haue thys fauour, we will examine fome other of later time, 
 who peraduenture may better call you to remembraunce. 
 There ftoode a Meffenger by, whom S. Peter willed pre- 
 
 20 fently to goe fetch hym fome Engli/hman, that was but of 
 fome tenne or twenty yeeres refidence in the place, charging 
 hym to goe with fpeede, and to make a quicke returne. The 
 Meflenger met with a company that were newe come out 
 of a Tennis courte, amongft whom was a Mearcer, that 
 
 25 within thefe tenne yeeres had dwelt in Cheapjide, hym the 
 Meflenger brought to S. Peter, who demaunded of him, 
 if he did know a Gentleman in England, called by the name 
 of Ma. Veluet breeches. Yea marry fayde the Mearcer, I 
 know him to my coft, for thys is he that fl:andes by me, and 
 
 30 heere I auouch it before his face that hee is no Gentleman, 
 but a proude diflembler, and a cofoning counterfeite : which 
 if it fhal pleafe you to giue me leaue, I will proue before this 
 holy companie. Saint Peter aunfwered, we doo not onelie 
 giue you leaue, but alfo doe flraightly commaunde you to 
 
 35 fpeake a truth, and withall, to fpeake no more then is truth, 
 what you are able to charge him withall, and howe you are 
 able to prooue your words. 
 
 C 2 The 
 
 [ 19 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 The Mearcer aunfwered, it were too much impiety for a 
 man in my cafe to raife any flander, or malicioufly to accufe 
 any man wrongfully : but to the end the trueth of the matter 
 might more euidently appeare, I muft craue pardon a little 
 to vfe circumftanceSj and thus it followeth. 5 
 
 About fourteene or fifteene yeeres fince, when I kept a 
 fhop in Cheapftde, following there my trade, this counterfet 
 Gentleman, being conforted with another of his owne pitch} 
 a byrde of the fame feather, although in times paft, his onely 
 familiaritie was but with Dukes, Earles, Lordes, and fuch 10 
 other worthy perfonages, yet at this day an ordinary com- 
 panion, and conuerfant with euery {kypiacke, and himfelfe 
 of bafe condition and a common Cofoner, his name called 
 Silke ftockings. Thefe two copefmates, Veluet breeches 
 and Silke ftockings changing theyr names, and becaufe I 15 
 will not be ofFenfiue to other Gentlemen, that peraduenture 
 be of the fame name which they then tooke to themfelues, 
 I will call Veluet breeches maifter White^ and Silke ftock- 
 ings, he fhall be maifter Black, thefe two counterfeite Gen- 
 tlemen, maifter White and maifter Black, prouiding them- 20 
 felues of Lodgings, Maifter White as it might be in Graties 
 ftreete, in a houfe where no body knewe him, and Maifter 
 Blacke in Fanchurch ftreete, faft by where he found as little 
 acquaintance. Theyr Lodgings being thus prouided, Mai- 
 fter White walking into Poules, and feeing many bils fette 25 
 vp on the Weft doore by fuch as wanted Maifters, perufing 
 the bylles, and finding one that he thought might be fitte for 
 his purpofe, (and in truth was as cofoning a knaue as hee 
 himfelfe) gaue notice vnder the bill, that he flioulde repaire 
 into Graties ftreete, and at fuch a figne enquire for Maifter 30 
 White. 
 
 The fellow finding his bill fubfcribed, (and hoping now 
 to light vpon fome cheate) made haft the fame night, & came 
 to Ma. Whites Chamber: Sir (faith hee) I perceiue your 
 Worftiip wants a feruant, and I am the party whofe byll 35 
 it hath pleafed you to fubfcribe, and would be glad to take a- 
 ny paines with a good Maifter to pleafe him. O fayes Ma. 
 
 White 
 [ 20 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 White art thou he ? Marry it is truth, I would giue enter- 
 tainement to a young fellowe that woulde be dilligent and 
 trufty. If it pleafe you fir, (anfwered the party that meant 
 nothing but deceite) I will finde you fuerties for my trueth 
 
 5 and good behauiour. Thou fayeft well (fayes Ma. White^ 
 but truft me, I like thy lookes well, mee thinkes thou hafk a 
 good honeft face : but tel me if thou wilt be with me, I muft 
 haue thee immediady. 
 
 Sir, anfwered the other, if it pleafe you to giue me leaue 
 
 10 till the Morning, that I might fetch fome few things that I 
 haue to fhift me withall, I will then attend your Worfhyp. 
 Very well (faies Ma. White) thou maift doo fo, and till then 
 farewell. 
 
 Heere was now a Maifter and a man well met, for the 
 
 15 Maifter meant to vfe his man but to ferue his turne for a 
 poynt of cofonage, and the man meant to vfe his Maifter, til 
 he might finde oportunity, to runne away with his purfe or 
 fome other of his apparrell, as he had doone before with ma- 
 ny others. But according to appointment, in the Morning 
 
 20 trufty Roger came, and was receiued of hys Maifter, who 
 now with his man at hys heeles, frequented his freend Ma. 
 Blacks Chamber for a day or two, and the one of them could 
 not be without the others companie, but maifter Black muft 
 dyne with maifter White at his Chamber, and Ma. White 
 
 25 muft fuppe wyth maifter Blacke in his Chamber: but the fe- 
 quell was, maifter White with his feruaunt attending of 
 hym, walking into Cheapjide, and lighting into ray fhoppe, 
 demaunded of my feruaunts where their Maifter was, they 
 told him that I was within, & that if it pleafed him to haue 
 
 30 any thing with me, they would call me. Yes marry would I 
 (fayes he,) I pray you call him, for I wold fpeake with him. 
 One of them telling me that there was a Gentleman in the 
 ftioppe that would fpeake with me, I came downe, and Ma, 
 White firft curteoufly faluting me, began in this fort to dif- 
 
 35 courfe with me. 
 
 Sir, I am a Gentleman, belonging to fuch a Noble man 
 in the North parts of England, and in trueth the Steward of 
 
 C 3 hys 
 
 [ 21 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 hys houfe, and hauing now fome bufines for my Lord heere 
 in the Citty, which 1 am come to difpatch, I muft difburfe 
 fome mony vpon Veluets & other Silkes both for my Lorde 
 and Lady, and I tell you trueth they are fuch wares as I 
 haue little fkyl to make choyce of: the matter why I was 5 
 defirous to fpeake with you, was but to commit that truft to 
 your felfe which I durft not aduenture with your man, and 
 my requeft is, that you would deale fo honeftly with me, as 
 I might not be deceiued in the choyce of my ftuife, the bene- 
 fite that you fhall winne by your good vfage is, you fhall re- lo 
 ceiue ready mony for fuch wares as I meane at this prefent 
 to buy, and you fliall winne a cuftomer, of whom heereafter 
 you may take greater fummes. 
 
 I hearing his fmooth fpeeches deliuered vnder pretence of 
 honefty, and feeming otherwife, both in the fliow of his ap- 15 
 parrell and the dutiful! attendance of his man, that hee had 
 beene (indeede) fome Gentleman of reputation and good re- 
 coning, defirous fo much the rather to win fuch a cuftomer, 
 I tolde him that I woulde not onely fitte him with as good 
 ftuffe as any man in London fhould fliew hym, but alfo in 20 
 the price I would vfe him with fuch reafon, as in any other 
 place they were able to aifoorde him : the which promife (in 
 very deede) I meant faithfully to performe. 
 
 Heere-withall, he drew a paper foorth of his pocket, wher- 
 in he began to reade : Item for my Jjord^ two yardes and a 25 
 halfe of Blacke veluet, and two yardes and a halfe of Ruffet 
 veluet, for two payre of Hofe, with three yards and a halfe of 
 Black fattine, and as much of RufTet for dublyting. Item 
 for my Lady, fourteene yardes of the beft three pylde veluet 
 for a loofe Gowne, with fixe yards of Peach-coloured fatine 30 
 for her Petticoate. Item for Miftris lane & Miftris Fraun- 
 ces, fourteene yards of double turffed Taffita for each of the 
 a Gowne: and twelue yardes of Cornation fatine for theyr 
 Petticoates. To coclude he brought me out fo many Items, 
 that the prices of the wares amounted to 50. and od pounds, 35 
 the which when I had forted him out, he began to find fault 
 that they were too high rated, praying me to fette my loweft 
 
 price, 
 [ 22 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 price, for that he meant to pay ready money, and therefore if 
 I would not be reafonable, hee muft be driuen to feeke fome 
 other fhoppe. I very loath to driue him away, pitcht him a 
 price fo reafonable, as in truth I was not able better cheape 
 
 6 to affoord them : but hys mind being onely fette vppon cofo- 
 nage, told me he durft not aduenture to gyue fo much mony, 
 and thus away he went. 
 
 Within an houre after, hauing fent away his man, 
 which of purpofe he had doone, he returned againe, and find- 
 
 10 ing me in my {hop, he aflced me if I wotdd abate no money 
 in my ftufFe : I thinking hee had beene fome other where to 
 cheapen, told him I had rated them fo reafonably, as I was 
 able to affoord them : and that I was fure, in anie fhoppe 
 where he had fince beene, he had not found the like wares for 
 
 15 the like price. 
 
 Nay truelie, (fayde hee) I haue not beene in any other 
 place to cheapen any fuch fluffe, but yet fince I left your 
 houfe I haue difburfed fortie poundes in other thinges, that 
 I haue fent to my Lodging by my man : but I fee you are 
 
 20 hard, and yet fith I haue dealt thus farre with you, I will 
 not forfake you, come therefore and cutte me of the parcels. 
 The which accordingly I did, and laying them together, hee 
 defired me to caft the totall fumme, the which as before I 
 haue fayd, amounted to fifty and od pounds. 
 
 25 Syr, (fayd hee) I mufl craue to borrow one of your fer- 
 uaunts, to helpe me home with thys ftuffe, and hee fhall 
 bring you your money: I haue fent mine owne man about 
 bufines, and haue no body heere nowe to helpe mee. Very 
 well Syr fayd I, my man fhall waite vpon you, or doe any 
 
 30 other curtefie. 
 
 And thus willing one of my men to take vp the fluffe 
 and follow him, I deliuered him a note what mony he was 
 to receiue. Together they goe, til they came to his Cham- 
 ber in Graties Jireete, where they found hys man remaining, 
 
 35 who (indeed) was fomewhat perplexed in hys mind, becaufe 
 there was nothing there of hys Maiflers, that was woorth 
 the carrying away, vnlefTe he fhould haue taken the fheetes 
 
 from 
 
 [ 23 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 from the bedde, but that he deferred, hoping fhortly to lyght 
 of a better cheate. But Ma. fFhite demaunded of his man, 
 if Maifter Black had not beene there fmce his comming into 
 the Chamber ? who anfwered him no, neither had hee feene 
 him all that day. 5 
 
 Maifter White with that feemed as though he began to 
 be angry, and willed his man prefently to haft to his Cham- 
 ber, and to will him withall fpeede, to bring away the two 
 hundred pounds y he was to receiue, or at the leaft to bring 
 one of them with hym immediatly, for that hee was to pay lo 
 the greateft part of it to one that ftaied in hys Chamber for 
 it. Away went hys man, and in the meane time Ma. White 
 entertained my man in this manner. He afked him if he had 
 any acquaintance with fome Goldfmith in the row that was 
 his freend, and would vfe him well in the buying of a Chaine 15 
 and a payre of Bracelets, and not to exact too much of him for 
 the fafhion. My man told hym, that he was well acquainted 
 with two or three that woulde deale very reafonably wyth 
 hym. 
 
 Hee feemed to gyue my man great thanks, and told him, 20 
 that fo foone as hys man was returned, and that he had payd 
 hym his money, he would himfelfe goe backe with hym and 
 buy them. Hys owne man in thys meane fpace, was come 
 to Maifter Blacks Chamber, whom hee founde within, pro- 
 uided for the purpofe, and was as bufie with a Standiftie, a 25 
 great many of papers lying before hym, and a whole fette of 
 Counters in hys hand, as though he had been cafting vppe 
 of as huge fummes as the King of Spayne receiueth from 
 the Indyes. He had likewife lying before hym, a great bagge 
 full ftufFed, making ftiow as if it had beene a great bagge of 30 
 mony : the fight whereof gaue the Meflenger fo good an a- 
 petite, that he wiftied the bagge and hymfelfe tenne myles 
 out of the place. But dooing hys Maifters meflage, maifter 
 Black anfwered hym that he was fo full of prefent bufines, 
 that he could not ftirre foorth from hys Chamber, but (fayth 35 
 he, the money thou feeft where it lyeth, and if he will come 
 hymfelfe, or fend fome other to teU it and receiue it. Why 
 
 Syr 
 [ 24 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 Syr ffayde the other) if you pleafe to deliuer me the money, 
 I can carry it. Yea (fayes Maifter Blacli) but your Maifter 
 I perceiue is in fuch hafte, as hee would be ofFended if you 
 ftiould ftay the telling of it, but goe your wayes to him and 
 5 tell him what I haue faid, and then let him choofe whether he 
 will come or fend, the money is heere ready for him, away 
 goes this companion, comforting him with the aflured hope, 
 that the carrying of this bagge would haue lighted to his lot, 
 which if it had, he ment to haue giuen them all the flyp, or his 
 
 lo cunning fhould haue fayled him : but comming to his Mai- 
 fter, hee tolde him that Maifter Black was fo bufie in his 
 Chamber cafting vp of accounts, that he could not come, but 
 Syr (faide he) the money I did fee lying vpon the Table rea- 
 dy for you, and he would haue delyuered it vnto me, but that 
 
 15 I feared my long ftaying in the telling of it might haue of- 
 fended you. 
 
 Why then (faide Maifter White) goe your waies backe 
 agayne, and I will intreate this good fellow to goe with you, 
 ('meaning by my man) to whom he further faid : I pray thee 
 
 20 my good friende doe fo much as goe with my man, and firft 
 pay your felfe according to your note, and helpe him then to 
 tell out the reft, for I thinke his {kill will fcarce ferue him to 
 tell fo much money, and drawing out of hys pocket, a payre 
 of gold weights, which he delyuered to mj man, he fayd, and 
 
 25 I befeech you if any part of his payment be in gold, fee that it 
 be neither crackt nor crafed, and that it carries weight, and 
 I pray you in your comming backe againe with my man, doo 
 fo much as call in heere, and I in the mean time will difpatch 
 a little bufines, and will by that time be ready to goe with 
 
 30 you vnto the Goldfmythes rowe, where I muft craue your 
 helpe for the buying of this Chayne and Bracelets. My 
 man fufpedling no manner of deceipt, went a long with hys 
 man : but comming to Maifter Blacks Chamber, there was 
 no body to be founde, neyther coulde any of the Seruants 
 
 35 of the Houfe, faye whither hee was gone, they fawe 
 him goe foorth but a little before their comming in, but whi- 
 ther he went they could not tell ; whereupon, they both toge- 
 
 D ther 
 
 [ 23 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 ther returned backe againe to certifie Maifter White: but 
 comming to his Chamber, he was likewife gone, and had 
 carryed away all the fame ftufFe which my Seruant had 
 left with him: my man begynning but nowe to fufpe<3:, 
 when it was too late, immediady caufed the Officers 5 
 to lay holde of Maifter Whites man, and hee was carried 
 direftly to the Counter., where hee beganne to curfe the 
 time that euer hee mette with fuch a feruice, confeffing 
 that hee had coofoned many Mayfters before, but nowe 
 hee had met with a Mayfter that had a little ouer-reached lo 
 him. But I vppon my mans returne, came to the places 
 where they had beene lodged, and made what inquiry I 
 coulde, but there was no body that had any manner of 
 knowledge of them, for they came thether not aboue foure 
 or fiue dayes before, making ftiewe that they were newe 15 
 come foorth of the Countrey, and that the Carryers were 
 not yet come with theyr Trunckes and apparell, and du- 
 ring the time of theyr aboade, had neuer fpent peny in 
 the houfe, for meate, drinke, nor lodging, which made them 
 proteft, it ftioulde bee a warning vnto them, what gueftes 20 
 they receiued againe fo long as they kept houfe, and heere 
 was all the remedy that I could haue, but in the ende I had 
 intelligence of many other like coofonages, they had com- 
 mitted in the Cittie, and the parties were well knowne to 
 bee Maifter Veluet breeches & Maifter Silke fiockings, two 25 
 counterfeit Gentlemen, that to maintain their brauery, prac- 
 tifed fuch deceipts, and would not ftick many times to rob by 
 the high way : for the Varlet comitted to the Counter^ whom 
 I could no waies charge with any pradtife towards mee, I 
 releafed him freely, but for fome other villainies which before 30 
 he had committed to others, and by himfelfe confefled, he was 
 whipped at a Cartes arfe, and after burnt through the eare, 
 and fo commaunded to auoyde the Cittie. 
 
 Thus much (as it hath pleafed you to commaund me) I 
 haue truely fignified, what knowledge I haue had of thys 35 
 Gentleman, Maifter Veluet breeches. 
 
 S. Peter ftanding vp, faide: Veluet breeches, thou haft 
 
 heard 
 [ 26 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 heard what hath beene auouched againft thee, and I wonder 
 howe thou durft prefume to prefent thy felfe in this place, 
 knowing the guiltinefTe of thine owne confcience : but I fee 
 thou art fhamelefle, and for fuch perfons as thou art there is 
 5 an other place prepared, to the which thou muft depart, for 
 heere thou mayft not bide: then fpeaking to Cloth breeches 
 he faid, and for thee Cloth breeches., of whom I haue heard fo 
 good report, thou maift feperat thy felfe from thy two compa- 
 nions, & enter into that blifle, where thou ftialt find a happy 
 
 10 reward for an honeft life; and thus as hee was (by feeming) 
 ready to depart, he efpyed where one was comming alone by 
 himfelfe, within a little diftance, whom S. Peter perceyuing 
 to be a ftraunger, ftayed his comming, and then fpeaking vn- 
 to him, he demaunded of him what he was : who aunfwered, 
 
 15 that he was a poore Yorkefliyre man, a Brick-layer by his oc- 
 cupation, and one that had truely laboured for his lyuing all 
 the dayes of his life : and (fayde he) our Maifter Vicar hath 
 many times tolde vs, that if we get our lyuings honeftly 
 with the fweat of our browes, wee fhall goe to heauen, and 
 
 20 therewe fhold haue fuch peace, fuch quyet, fuch ioy, fuch com- 
 fort, fuch pleafure, and fo many God morrowes, I cannot tel 
 what, but (of his words) I haue had but an ill-fauoured iour- 
 ney hether, and what I fhall find I cannot tell yet. 
 
 S. Feter feeing his fimplicitle, fayde, why then my freind 
 
 25 come and foUowe me, and tell me heereafter howe thou likeft 
 of the place. 
 
 The fellowe haftily replyed, faying: I pray fir let mee 
 firfl: afke you a queftion, doo vfe to let any women come into 
 Heauen amongft you .'' 
 
 30 Why not (faide Saind Peter) what fhould make thee to 
 doubt of that.? 
 
 Why then I pray fir ffayde the other) did there not a 
 woman come hether about a fix weekes a goe, with a bleare 
 eye, a fnottie nofe, a blabber lippe, a ftincking breath, 
 
 35 her voyce was very fhrill, and her fpeech thicke and fhort. 
 But how dooft thou call her name (fayde S. Teter^ whom 
 thou haft defcribed, with fo many louely tokens .'' 
 
 D 2 Her 
 
 [ 27 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 Her name (faide the other) is called Margery Siveete^ but 
 yet more oftner called by the name of Mannerly Margery. 
 
 Why fhe is in heauen (faide S. Peter) and if thou haft a- 
 ny thing to fay to her, thou mayft there finde her ? 
 
 Mary God blefle me from thence (faide the other) if ftiee 5 
 be there, I knowe her faftiions too well, to come any more 
 where fhe is, ftiee was my wife, and I was married to her 
 fixteene or feuenteene yeeres, and I faith all heauen would be 
 too little for her and mee, and if we ftiould once meete againe, 
 but I am now ridde of her, and I hope I will keepe mee fo, lo 
 fhe fhal not caft it in my teeth, that I was fo far in loue with 
 her to follow her, as {he hath many times doone : telling me, 
 that if I had not beene fhe might haue had a Minftrell, that 
 would haue got more money in a weeke with his Fiddle, 
 than I could get in a moneth, with laying of Brick. 15 
 
 S. Peter, with the reft of the company, hearing the mad 
 difpofltion of the fellowe, departed, leauing behinde him, my 
 felfe, Veluet breeches, and this Brick-layer, who forfooke to 
 goe into heauen becaufe his wife was there ; you may eafily 
 gefTe, Veluet breeches and I were perplexed with forrowe 20 
 enough, but it was too late nowe for vs to bethinke our felues 
 what we fhould haue doone, and refted onely for vs to deter- 
 myne what we muft doo, & the further wee found our felues 
 bereaued of all pofTibilitie, to recouer agayne what wee had 
 loft, the neerer approached the horror of our griefe and tor- 25 
 ment : but we had receiued our finaU fentence, and there was 
 no place longer for vs to ftay in, the comfort that was left 
 vs, was to fee if wee could finde meanes to gette into Pur- 
 gatorie, hoping there to finde fome releafe, by the prayers 
 and charitable deuotions of good people, and with this refo- 30 
 lution we fet forward of our iourney : the Brick-layer ouer- 
 taking vs, defired vs to accept of hys company, protefting 
 that he would be a partaker of our fortunes, whatfoeuer did 
 betide vs. 
 
 Veluet breeches demaunded of him what was his name: 35 
 The other tolde him that before he was marryed, they called 
 him Ruffling Richard, but after that he was marryed, they 
 
 neuer 
 [ 28 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 neuer vfed better addition than playne Dick. Truely friend 
 Richard (faide Veluet breeches) me thinkes you are too plain, 
 and more fimple, to forfake heauen becaufe your wife is 
 there. I pray you fir (faide Richard) were you euer marryed ? 
 5 Yes mary was I, (fayde Veluet breeches) but what of that ? 
 I doo not vnderftand you faide Richard) for I demaund of 
 you, if euer you had a wife ? And I tell thee I had a wife, 
 (faide Veluet breeches) why dooft thou afke me that? Good 
 Lord (faide Richard) I neuer heard a wife man make fo foo- 
 
 rolifh an aunfwere, for I afke you if you were marryed? 
 and you fay yes: and when I demaunde if euer you had 
 a wife, you aunfwere, 1 mary had I, and what then? 
 And dooft thou call that a foolifh aunfwere (faide Veluet 
 breeches) what, wouldft thou haue mee fay, yes foorfooth? 
 
 1 5 No fir, no, (faide Richard) but I will teach you fome wit how 
 to aunfwere to fuch a queftion ; when a man dooth alke you 
 if you haue a wife, you muft fay, yes I thanke God, or, yes 
 I cry God mercy, for fo a man ftiall direftly vnderftand you : 
 for if you fay, yes I thanke God, by that we may vnderftand 
 
 2o you haue a good wife, for the which you are bound to thanke 
 God highly, becaufe fewe men dooth happen of the like : but 
 if your aunfwere be, yes I cry God mercy, Sub intelegitur, 
 fuch a wife as mine was, and then you would neuer haue 
 accounted mee fimple, to leaue heauen to ftiunne her compa- 
 
 25 nie, becaufe a man fhall liue more quietly amongft all the di- 
 uelles of hell, than it is poflible for him to doo, that lights on 
 fuch a wife. 
 
 Hearing thefe pleafant fpeeches in this manner deliue- 
 red by Richard, I could not choofe but fmile, notwithftanding 
 
 30 my caufe of griefe : and taking it to bee a benefit of fortune, 
 that had vouchfafed to fauour vs with the company of this 
 merry conceited Brick-layer, whereby to beguile our penfiue 
 thoughts with his pleafant difcourfes, in this our tedious 
 traueU. I queftioned with him of his wife, what ftiee was 
 
 35 when hee marryed her, whether a widdowe or a mayde, by 
 what meanes hee came acquainted with her, and howe fhee 
 became fo vnruly. Richard in this fort began to difcourfe. 
 
 D 3 When 
 
 [ 29 J 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 When I was young (faide he) I was as hanfome a fel- 
 lowe, as any was in the parifti where I was borne : and for 
 my valour, I durfl: haue trauelled into any Gentlemans 
 Buttery, when all the Barrels had beene full, without ei- 
 ther fworde or dagger about me : for my refolution, if I had 5 
 once gotten vnder a maydens Chamber windowe, I would 
 neuer haue ftarted, till they had emptied a Camber pot on 
 my heade : for my courage, I durft haue gone into a- 
 ny baudy houfe, and woulde haue come out agayne as 
 honeft a man, as when I went firft in: for my credit, lo 
 I might haue runne on the flcore for fix pottes, wyth 
 any Alewife that kept houfe within fiue myles where I 
 dwelt: for my quallities euery manner of way, I had 
 the preheminence amongeft all the youthes that were in 
 our quarters, for at May-tyde^ who was the ring-lea- 15 
 der for the fetching home of a May-pole, but I : at Mid- 
 fommer, I was chofen the Somraer Lorde: at euerie 
 Bridall, who muft daunce with the Bryde, but Ruffling 
 Richard: Thus for a pleafant life, the Cunjiable of the 
 Parifh liued not more merrily than I, and for my reputati- 20 
 on, I was almoft as much reuerenced as our Church-war- 
 dens : but, as the ftouteft Stond of Ale, at laft is fet a tilte, 
 and the fatteft Goofe comes fooneft to the fpitte ; fo, my for- 
 mer fortunes were drawne to their lateft date, and my 
 prime of pleafures concluded with mifhappe : but oh loue, O 25 
 cruell loue, that waft the firft frunte to my felicities ; But 
 who can refift loue, if it be once crept into the bottome of a 
 mans beUy? O what a rumbling it makes in his guttes, 
 and howe it bethrobs him about the heart : and fee nowe the 
 fequel of my miftiap. I fortuned to be at a Sheepe-fliearing, 30 
 where I met with Margery, flie that was my wife, in a fine 
 red petticoate, with damalke vpper bodies, a white apron be- 
 fore her, & vpo her head a broad felt hat, with a braue braunch 
 of rofemary fticking in her bofom, appointed amongft y reft 
 with a payre of flieeres, to helpe flaeare Sheep, and I hauing 35 
 brought forth a lufty young Ramme, would haue laid him in 
 her lap, but fhe refufing to take him, faid vnto mee : now good 
 
 friend 
 [ 30 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 friend Richard if you loue mee, bring mee none but poulde 
 flieep, for of al things in the world, I cannot away with thefe 
 horned beaftes. When I heard thefe milde words, thus gen- 
 tly fpoken, & howe kindly flie pronounced this fentence (Good 
 
 5 friend Richard if you loue me) O heauens (thought I) what 
 a fweete charme is this : then noting her modefty, that fhee 
 could not abide the fight of a horned beaft, I began to thinke 
 with my felfe, how happy might that man be accounted, that 
 could light of fuch a wife, & hauing but a little thus giue fcope 
 
 lo to mine own affed:i6s, Loue, that had his tinder box ready to 
 ftrike fire, by this time had fet my fanfie of fuch a flame, that 
 not longer able to endure the heate without a cup of Sack, I 
 faide vnto her ; Margery, your manner of phrafe hath won- 
 derfully troubled mee, for in your firft fpeeches you call mee 
 
 1 5 your good friend Richard, and then you come in with a doubt- 
 ful! demaund, in thefe words, (if you doe loue me) as though 
 I coulde bee your good friende and yet did not loue you : but 
 Margery, fith you haue popt mee fuch a doubfull queftion, if 
 you and I were alone by our felues, I would poppe you fuch 
 
 20 an aunfwere, that you ftiould well find that I loued you, and 
 that heereafter you might leaue out your if, and fay, Richard 
 afl!e you loue me. 
 
 With thefe words pretily cafting her head at one fide, flie 
 gaue me fuch a learing looke, that might as well haue daun- 
 
 25 ted me with difpaire, as giuen mee comfort & hope of grace: 
 for the one of her eyes was bleard, and feemed as though fhe 
 wept, the other was a pretty narrowe pinckeny, looking euer 
 as though flhe fmylde, fo that in her very countenance at one 
 inftant, you might behold pleafure and paine, pitty and ry- 
 
 30 gor, curtefie and crueltie, loue and difdayne : and then 
 wyth a fweete voyce, lyke one that were aflcing an almes, 
 fhee fayde. 
 
 Richard, if you loue mee as you faye, your loue 
 fhall not bee loft, but men are fo crafty nowe a dayes 
 
 35 before they are marryed, that they will make a mayde 
 beleeue they loue her, tyll they haue gotte vppe her bellie, 
 and then they will not fticke to denye their owne children, 
 
 and 
 
 [ 31 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 and that makes women when they be once marryed, to play 
 their hufbands fuch a caft, that they fliall not knowe their 
 own children : but if your loue be no fuch loue Richard., you 
 ftial not finde me vnkinde. When I heard the wifdom of the 
 wench, it made my pulfes fo to beate, that I had thought my 5 
 codpifle point would haue fallen a funder : but for aunfwere 
 I faide. 
 
 Margery., your fober fpeeches fo wifely deliuered, toge- 
 ther with your fweet countenance fo louely placed, hath fo 
 preuayled with your good friend Richard, that for the better lo 
 confyrmation of my loue, receiue here this token, as a pledge 
 of my good will : and taking then a two peny peece which I 
 had in my purfe, I bowed it and gaue it to her, the which 
 when fhe had receyued, llie fald. 
 
 Well Richard, nowe I doo account you as mine owne, 15 
 and at night when my Mother is gone to bed, if you will 
 come home, we will there talke farther of this matter : & for 
 your welcome, I will beftowe of you a mefle of Creame. 
 
 Margery (faide I) looke you keepe your promife, for I wil 
 be there, and becaufe you will be at fo much coft with a mefle 20 
 of Creame, I will bring with mee a peny worth of fpyce- 
 cakes : And although we had thus referred ouer farther fpee- 
 ches till our next meeting, yet during the time that wee re- 
 mayned there in place, O how many amorous glaunces and 
 louing countenances there pafTed ftill too and fro betweene 25 
 vs : but at night my appointed time being come, thether I 
 went, and Margery was at the windowe watching for my 
 comming, who hauing once efpyed mee, {he opened the doore, 
 where fhee receiued mee with fuch a fweete kifle, as if her 
 breath had been lately perfumed for the purpofe, whofe dain- 30 
 ty fmell was as fauery, as if it had beene a red herring that 
 had beene newly roafted : her louely lippes pleafant and foft, 
 like a locke of wooU that was but then come out of the 
 feame bafket : but (hould I tel you of all the other loue tricks 
 that pafled betweene her and me that night, I might either 35 
 opprefle your ftomack to thinke of it, or otherwife perhaps 
 make you afhamed to heare it : but let thys fuffyce, before I 
 
 departed 
 [ 32 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 departed, our marriage day was appointed, and Margery in 
 time made her Mother acquainted with the matter, who no- 
 thing mifliking of her Daughters choyce, gaue her her blef- 
 fing, with many other good helps to furnifh forth her bridall 
 5 day, the which when time had drawne to be folemnized, and 
 that the luftie youthes of the Parrifti were gathered toge- 
 ther to goe with vs to Church, & the young Damofels were 
 flocked on a heape to waite on the Bride, attending her com- 
 ming foorth. The good old woman her Mother, who had been 
 
 10 euer chary of the louely Chickin her daughter, and euen at 
 the very inftant when we were ready to goe to Church, ftiee 
 was fcooling of her with this exhortation. 
 
 Margery, (fayd fhe) the day is nowe come for the which 
 you haue fo much longed after, it is twenty yeeres agoe fince 
 
 1 5 you firft wifhed for a Hufband, and byr Lady daughter you 
 were then feauenteene or eyghteene yeeres of age, fo that at 
 this prefent you want not aboue two or three of forty : nowe 
 if wit went by yeeres, you are olde enough to be wife, but I 
 being your Mother, befides my many yeeres which might 
 
 20 aduaunce my {kill, fo I haue buried foure feueral hufbands, 
 (the heauens be praifed for it) which hath fo much the more 
 confirmed my experience in the difpofitions of men, and can 
 the better iudge of their naturall inclinations: and by all 
 that I haue gathered by mine owne proofe and pradife, I 
 
 25 haue found it flill by tryall, that the fantafies of men, are e- 
 uermore beft fitted with the follies of women. But leauing 
 generalities, and to come to fo much as concerneth but thy 
 felfe, that art now to be married to a hufband, who in refpecSt 
 of his age thou mighteft be his Mother : and couldeft thou 
 
 30 now but confider, what a comfort it is for an olde "Woman, 
 to be louingly embraced by a youg man, O daughter daugh- 
 ter, thy mothers mouth begins to water, but with the verie 
 imagination to thinke of the pleafure, and therefore happie 
 maieft thou deeme thy felfe, that art fo likely to enioy it. 
 
 35 But heere is now a great peece of difcretion to be vfed, 
 for as age conceiueth fuch contentment with the focietie of 
 frefti and pleafant youth, fo youth will quickly fall a loathing 
 
 E. of 
 
 [ 33 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 of cold and crooked age, if the parties be not wife to enforce 
 that by arte, that they are otherwife denaied by nature: 
 which is, to ftiew a youthfull difpofed minde, how farre fo- 
 euer they be fpent in yeeres : for it is a tyred lade that can- 
 not cry weehee, and a forry Mare that cannot wag her taile. 5 
 Thou art nowe to confider the inequalitie of the yeeres be- 
 tweene thy felfe and thy hufbande, and therefore a little to 
 whet him on to make him to like of thee the better, it fhal not 
 be amifle for thee to (hew fome youthfull conceite, efpecially 
 being thy bridall day, it is toUerable for thee a little to play lo 
 the wanton. 
 
 I can teU thee daughter, men are well pleafed to fee theyr 
 Wiues youthfully gyuen, and there is nothing y doth more 
 delight them, then to fee them wantonly difpofed : and thys 
 is the meane to winne your hufbands liking, and to drawe 15 
 him to y appetite, which your many yeeres might quenche : 
 remember therefore what I haue told you, and fayle not for 
 your aduantage, to fhew fome youthfull tricke. 
 
 Margery making a mannerly curtfie, faid: Yes forfooth 
 Mother, I will remember all that you haue told me. 20 
 
 By this time all things being prepared, to Church we 
 went, where the Prieft hauing once doone his office, we re- 
 turned againe, and were accompanied with our neighbours 
 and freendes that went home to dinner with vs : for whom 
 there was prouided Fyrmentie and Minced Pyes, befides 25 
 other good meate both rofte and fodde : the which being all 
 ready, Margery was placed at the vpper end, between two 
 of the moft fubftantiall honeft men, according to the cuftome 
 of the Parrifh, and my felfe likewife, (as the manner was) 
 did waite that day at the Table, with a napkin hanging on 30 
 my flioulder. 
 
 But O what a comfort it was vnto me, to fee how dain- 
 tily Margery fedde of euery difh that came neere her, and 
 how luftily fhe laid about her for her viftuales And (thought 
 I) if it be true as fome will fay, that a good feeding Horfe 35 
 will goe through with his labour, then I warrant if I gyue 
 Margery her meate, I neede not feare to ryde her where I 
 
 lyft. 
 [ 34 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 lyft. But Dinner beeing alraoft at an ende, and the Cake- 
 breade and Cheefe ready to be fette on the Table, the good 
 old Woman her Mother, who had likewife beene very bu- 
 fie that day in taking paynes to fiU the pottes, and to carrie 
 5 away emptie diflies, beganne to cheere vppe the companie, 
 bidding them welcome, and telling them ftie was forry there 
 was no better cheere for them. 
 
 Margery prefently vpon the fight of her Mother bethought 
 herfelfe what fhe had to doo, and calling now to minde what 
 
 10 leflbn fhe had gyuen her, and howe fhee had willed her that 
 day to fliowe fome youthfull tricke, thereby to purchafe the 
 fauour of her hufband, and picking out at that very inftant 
 a fitte opportunity to performe it, (he called to her Mother 
 in thys youthfull manner, Munna^ vppe and cacke. The 
 
 15 olde Woman hearing her Daughter, fayd: Why how now 
 Margerie ? Fie for fliame, will you fpeake bugges wordes ? 
 Could you not pretily haue faide : I pray you Mother haue 
 me vppe to picke a Rofe, nay nowe I fee you play the wan- 
 ton too much. 
 
 20 Then fpeaking to the company that fate by, fhe fayde : I 
 pray you beare with my Daughters childifhnes, for I know 
 it is the Firmentie that dooth fo much anoy her, for euen 
 from her very infancie, if fhe had taken any fpoone meate, 
 fhe was flill troubled in the bottome of her back-fide with a 
 
 25 great ventofitie. 
 
 The neighbours feeing the clenlinefTe of the wench, did 
 euer after that call her by the name of Mannerlie Margerie. 
 Thus much to anfwer your former demaund concerning my 
 wife, whether fhe were a widdow or a mayd : by the circum- 
 
 30 fiances wherof, you may perceiue fhe was a maid, although 
 a very old one, and yet not fo far fpent in yeeres but fhe was 
 able to play a youthfull trick. And now for the reft y concer- 
 neth but the tragedy of mine own mif-fortune : to fignify the 
 matter at large, would be tedious for you to heare, & fearefuU 
 
 35 for me to declare, the very memory wherof were enough to 
 make me tremble, but that I know I am farre enough from 
 her that was the minifter of my woe. 
 
 E 2, Let 
 
 [ 35 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 Let thys fuffife, within a very fewe Monethes after I 
 was married, Margery beganne to grow ielous, for if ftiee 
 had once beene thirfty, and that I wanted money to fende to 
 the Ale-houfe, fhe wold tell me that I fpent away my thrift 
 amongft fome other young Queanes : heere began our firft 5 
 falling out, and to fet forward the matter, there dwelt at the 
 very next houfe by me, a Tayler, who had a wife y was fure 
 once a day to meafure the breadth of her hufbands fhoulders 
 with his owne mete-yard. 
 
 Margery and this Taylors wife grew to be acquainted, 10 
 and amongft other conclufions it was agreed between them, 
 that to preuent difeafes, and to preferue them in health, they 
 would euery morning next their harts, take a phifical dyet, 
 which was, a full quarte of the quintinfence drawne from an 
 Ale-tub, warmed by the fire, with a grated Nutmeg, halfe 15 
 a yarde of Black-pudding rofted on a grydyron, a quantitie 
 of fake, with a meafure of fine Wheate-flower, firft made 
 into pafte, and after baked in a loafe of breade : thefe ingre- 
 diences, after they had incorporated altogether, they would 
 afterwards lightly faft till noone. And they founde fuch a 20 
 commoditie in vfing this Medicine, that if the Tayler and I 
 had not euery morning giuen them mony to pay for the fim- 
 ples, it had not beene good for vs to haue come that day af- 
 ter in their fights : for the Taylors wife, fhee could handle a 
 mete-yard or a cudgel paffing nimbly, but Margery had got- 25 
 ten the pradtife of all manner of weapons. For befides that 
 fhe had y vfe of her nayles, which fhe imployed many times 
 about my face, fhe could likewife handle a payre of bellowes 
 about my pate, a payre of tonges a thwart my fhins, a fire- 
 brand fometimes fhould flye at my head, a ladle full of fcal- 30 
 ding liquour other-whiles in my bofome, a three footed ftoole, 
 a pot, a candlefticke, or any other thing what foeuer came 
 next her hand, all was one to her : and fhee had learned fuch 
 a dexteritie in the deliuerie, that they fhould haue come whir- 
 ling about mine eares. 35 
 
 In the ende, deuifing with my felfe a remedy for thefe 
 mifchieues, I found the meanes to be made the Cunftabky 
 
 hoping 
 [ 36 j 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 hoping that mine Office woulde haue beene a proteftion to 
 me for a yeere, and that flie durft not haue ftriken her Maie- 
 fties Officer. But within a day or two, it was my fortune to 
 hit on a pot of ftrong Ale, which fhee had fette vp in a corner 
 5 for her owne drinking, and I (beeing thirfty) gaue it fuch a 
 foupe, that I left very little behind. The which afterwarde 
 when fhe came to feeke for, and founde her ftore fo pittifullie 
 impaired, againft my comming home at night, flie prouided 
 her felfe of a wafter, and I was no fooner entred the doores, 
 
 lo but foorth fhe comes with her cudgell in her hand, and wyth 
 fuch a terrible countenaunce, that were able to affi-ight anie 
 man that ftiould behold it. 
 
 Richardy fayd fhee, I had thought you would neuer haue 
 gyuen me occafion to be ielous of you, but now I fee you loue 
 
 15a cuppe of flrong Ale better then you loue me, and do you not 
 thinke then that I haue great reafon to be difpleafed wyth 
 your vnkindnes towards me, and to beate out that lacke of 
 loue that dooth make you fo lighdy to regard me. 
 
 Margery, fayd I, take heede what you doo, for you know 
 
 20 that I am her Maiefties Officer, and heere I charge you 
 in the Queenes name, that you holde your handes. What 
 Maifler Cunftable, faid fhe, haue you gotten an enchaunt- 
 ment for me, or doo you thinke that your charme flial ferue to 
 excufe you .'' No fir no, for nowe you haue deferued double 
 
 25 punilhment: fir ft, you being an Officer if you offer wrong, 
 your punifhment muft be fo much the more greeuous, and is 
 it not meere iniuftice to take that which was not prouided 
 for you : next, you haue deferued to be well punifhed, for the 
 litde reuerence you haue vfed in the execution of your office : 
 
 30 commaunding me in the Queenes name to hold my handes 
 with your cap on your head, nor vfing any other duty or re- 
 uerence: but Maifter Cunftable, I will teach you howe to 
 vfe an Office, and with that fhe let flye at my heade, at my 
 fhoulders, at my armes, and ftill fhe would cry, remember 
 
 35 heereafter" how you doo your Office, remember your duty to 
 the Queene, remember when you commaund in her Maie- 
 fties name, that you put off your cap, and doo it with reue- 
 
 E 3 rence, 
 
 [ 37 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 rence : and fuch a number of other remembraunces fhe gaue 
 mee, as I thinke there was neuer poore Conjiabk before nor 
 fince, fo inftrudted in an office as I was. To tell you of ma- 
 ny other like remembrances which at other times fhee be- 
 ftowed on me, I fliold but trouble you, but the conclufion is, 6 
 I am now ridde of her, and they fay that the diftaunce be- 
 tween Heauen and Hell is great, but if they were a funder 
 fiue times further then they be, if I might vnderftand where 
 fhee were in the one, I woulde neuer reft till I were gotte 
 to the other. lo 
 
 Richard hauing thus difcourfed the whole courfe of hys 
 life, of his lyking, of his loue, of his pleafure, of his paine, al- 
 though the fubiec^t of the matter were fcarce worth the hea- 
 ring, yet confidering the place whether we were going, it 
 kept a fitte Decorum with the iourny we had in hande: and 15 
 as the tale it felfe was tedious, fo by this time we were ouer 
 pafled a long and wearifome way : the beft commoditie, the 
 traft was large and fpacious, and ftill difcended downe a 
 Hill into the bothome of a Valley, glooming and melancholy 
 to behold, where we might efpie one with a Waxe Candle 20 
 lighted in his hand, who was walking by himfelfe, prying 
 and tooting in euery corner, and many times ftumbling, and 
 ready to fall where the way was plaine and fmooth, that we 
 tooke him to be fome blind man that had loft his way, wher- 
 at we began to wonder what he ftiold doo with candle light, 25 
 that could not fee to guide his fteppes at high noone dayes. 
 But we keeping on our way, were drawn fo neere him that 
 we might perceiue he had the vfe of his eyes, yet hee neuer 
 perceiued vs, tUl I faluted him, and bade him God fpeede. 
 Whereat he fuddainly ftarted, as if he had beene halfe in a 30 
 fright, but when he had awhile taken the gaze on vs, hee 
 demaunded of vs how farre we had come that way. I tolde 
 him that we were come from Heauen, and that we were 
 going to feeke out the place of Purgatory, defiring hym that 
 if he were acquainted in thofe quarters, that he would diredt 35 
 vs the ready way to goe thither. 
 
 Alas Gentlemen (faid he) that is the place that I haue 
 
 beene 
 [38 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 beene feeking for this long Moneth together, and I thinke 
 there is no corner betweene thys and Hell that I haue lefte 
 vnfearched: and were it not for thys holy Candle, whofe 
 vertue is able to defend me from the inchauntment of anie 
 5 fpirit or deuill, I would thinke I were Goblyn lead, I haue 
 wandered fo farre about, euermore hitting into daungerous 
 high wayes that leadeth to Hell, and coulde neuer finde out 
 the path that fhould bring me to Purgatory. 
 
 Truly my freend (faid I) if I be not deceiued, the lyght 
 
 lo which you carry in your hand (wherin you repofe your grea- 
 teft confidence) is the very meane of your miftaking, & hath 
 fo much dimmed your fight and dazeled your eyes, that you 
 cannot fee the right way, but makes you thus to run ftum- 
 bling about, and to wander to and fro, that you your felfe 
 
 15 knowes not whether, I would wifh you therefore to leaue it, 
 and you fhall fee fo much the better howe to diredt your fteps. 
 What faid he, would you haue mee leaue my holy Candle, 
 marry God and good S. Frauncis blefl^e me out of that mind : 
 but if you be of that Religion, I would be forry to tarrie in 
 
 20 your company, vnlefle I might induce you by perfwafion to 
 thinke more reuerendy of holy things. 
 
 Truely (fayde I) a lyttle inducement fhal fufiife to per- 
 fwade me to any reafonable matter, and good counfell is e- 
 uermore to be embraced, but efpecially at this inftant, my 
 
 25 cafe being now as it is. 
 
 "Why then (faid he) I will teU you a true tale, wherein 
 you fhall perceiue the wonderfuU effed that Holy water hath 
 in working againft the deuill, and this it is. There was not 
 not long fince, a very proper young woman, that was pof- 
 
 30 fefTed of a fiend, who did fo torment & vexe her, that although 
 {he would not goe to any Sermons, nor would euer receiue 
 the Communion, yet flie would fometimes goe to Church, 
 and fay her Pater nojler in Englilh, and now and then eate 
 flefh on Fridaies, and would commit many other herefies, 
 
 35 which thys deuill tempted and led her to doe. But you fhall 
 fee now, there was a good honeft holy Prieft that was a Se- 
 minaries who beeing in place where thys Woman was, 
 
 and 
 C39] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 and lyking her very well, did begin to pitty her cafe, and of 
 meere deuotion prickt forward by a fandtified loue, he deui- 
 fed with himfelfe, how he might fully reclaime her to the ho- 
 lie Church : and hauing attempted many pradtifes in vaine, 
 and finding that neyther perfwafion, charme, nor any man- 5 
 ner of coniuration, was able to remooue the wicked fpyrite 
 from her, his laft helpe was, hee gaue her a glifter of holie 
 Water, the which hee had no fooner put vp into her bodie, 
 but the deuil immediatly forfooke her, that fhe after became 
 a moft Catholique veffell, and was able to reafon fo pro- lo 
 foundly in that Religion, that but with a little blaft of her 
 back fide, flie wold haue made the proudeft Proteftant that 
 fl:oode next her to ftop his nofe. 
 
 An other like miracle I am able to proteft of mine owne 
 knowledge, and this is it. There was a Gentleman that 15 
 is liuing at this prefent houre, whofe name and dwelling 
 place if I lift I coulde deliuer : thys Gentleman had beene 
 married full out tenne yeeres, during which fpace he neuer 
 had iflue, although both himfelfe and his wife were very de- 
 firous to haue chyldren. But it fell out that a holy Father a 20 
 le/uite was priuily harboured in thys Gentlemans houfe, 
 who feeing the Gentlewoman to be a lufty and well-lyking 
 wench to beare chyldren, did minifter vnto her the holy fa- 
 crament of extreme vndhion, anoyling her partes of genera- 
 tion with holy oyle, and laying the figne of the crofl'e ouer 25 
 her as fhe lay on her bed, and thys Gendewoman for three 
 yeeres together that thys holy father lay in her houfe, had e- 
 uery yeere a chUde : and therfore moft happy may thofe peo- 
 ple thinke themfelues, that doth retaine and fofter fuch holie 
 gueftes nowe in thefe dangerous tymes, if it were but to 30 
 haue theyr Wiues hallowed, and to be made holy veflels. 
 
 But if I ftioulde heere enlarge further, what miracles 
 hath beene wrought, by Holie Water, Holy Candles, Holy 
 A/heSy Holy Oyles, Holie Lambes, and many other holy 
 Reliques, I knowe I ftioulde minifter fo much contentment 35 
 to your conceite, as the pleafure would make you hartily to 
 laugh. 
 
 Sir, 
 [ 40 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 Syr fayde I, your myracles are ftrange, and they may 
 be true, but yet I am of opinion, that for the cafting out of di- 
 uelles, the name of God is of greater authoritie, than a 
 whole tubbe full of holy water, and for a woman to be made 
 5 fruitefuU in children, is likewife the bleffing of God, and I 
 doo thinke that for the attaynment of any thing that is good, 
 it is rather to be requefted in the name of the Creator, then 
 otherwife to be fought for, by the meanes of the creature. 
 The other aunfwered againe, but men that bee of your 
 
 10 Religion, are not able to looke into theyr owne errors : for 
 if they were not wilfully blinde, they ftiould finde it in com- 
 mon experience, that hee that will looke to preuaile in hys 
 futes, fhall fooner bee difpatched by the mediation of the 
 Saindls, than if he prefumed to preferre his caufe to GOD 
 
 15 himfelfe, and ftiould finde more grace by the meanes of the 
 creature, then if he requefted in the name of the Creator : 
 and becaufe I would bee glad to confirme you the better, I 
 will fliewe you you an example. 
 
 Admitte nowe that your felfe were in a Princes Court, 
 
 20 and had fome fute, that might not onely concerne your own, 
 but that it ftretcheth fo farre, as to the aduauncement of 
 Gods glory, the profite of the Prince, and the generall bene- 
 fite of the whole Countrey. You are nowe to preferre thys 
 fute: what, wiU you goe to the Prince himfelfe.'' (who in 
 
 25 this place reprefenteth God) why you ftiall attende a longe 
 while before you ftiall come to his prefence, and then, al- 
 though he be milde, afiable, gracious, and fuU of clemencie, 
 and in deede with as many royall vertues as appertayneth 
 to a godly Prince, yet he will turne you of to fome one graue 
 
 30 Counfailer, or fome other great perfonage that is about 
 him, to looke into your caufe and to confider of it : (who in 
 this place dooth reprefent the holy Saincfts, which muft bee 
 your Mediator:) Now this Counfayler is fo troubled with 
 fo many other affayres, and fuch bufines of great impor- 
 
 35 tance, that he hath no leyfure in the world to remember you : 
 then muft you ply his Secretary, or fome other that is neere 
 about him, and you come to him (whith your cappe in your 
 
 F hand 
 
 [41 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 hand and lowe courtefie) and fay, I befeech you Syr remem- 
 ber my fute to your Maifter, I haue lyen long heere, and I 
 haue fpent all that I am able to make, and I pray you Syr 
 euen for Chriftes fake, and for the tender mercy of God, get 
 me an aunfwere : (heere you come in the name of the Crea- 5 
 tor :) Nowe fir, I will (for example fake) make my felfe an 
 aduerfe againft you, and I will come to the fame partie, and 
 fay vnto him, Syr, I vnderftand that fuch a one (meaning 
 you) hath prefented fuch a fute, and I befeech you Syr, euen 
 as you loue an hundreth Angels, (I come heere in the name lo 
 of the creature) procure me your Mayfters lets againft him, 
 and let mee haue your affiftance for the ftay of his fute : tell 
 mee nowe your owne confcience, will not thefe vifible crea- 
 tures, gliftering in this mans eyes, worke a quicker expedi- 
 tion, than the bare name of your inuifible Creator but foun- 15 
 ding in his eares ? I am fure you will neuer make queftion 
 of the matter : for the very prefence of an hundreth angels 
 but looking him in the face, will make him to enter into any 
 attempt, yea, and fometimes to abufe his Maifter, be he ne- 
 uer fo wife, be he neuer fo graue, or be he neuer fo honorable, 20 
 and to make him by his information perhappes to commit 
 fome error. 
 
 Syr Cfaide I) if the matter were worth the reafoning, I 
 could eafily aunfwere your fond comparlfons, but I am not 
 difpofed to argue of thefe matters, & wil therforelet them reft 25 
 with this conclufion, that God is God, and onely good, & men 
 are men, & no man without fault, nor free from offence. This 
 is very true (anfwered Richard) for the Vicar of our parifh in 
 a Sermon that he made on Midlent Sunday, did fpeake fo 
 much in La tine and fayde. Nemo fine briberi viuit: I re- 30 
 member his words well enough, and brought fo much of hys 
 Sermon away. 
 
 Richard had no fooner thus added his finatiue conclufion, 
 but we might fodainly heare a loud & pitteous fkrike, which 
 by the fhrilnes of the noife, feemed to be fome womans voice, 35 
 that was put into fome feare, or offered fome vyolence : and 
 bending both our eyes and our fteppes, towardes the place 
 
 from 
 [42] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 from whence the noice refounded to our eares, we might fee a 
 woman haftily comming towards vs, with a truffe or fardle 
 vnder her arme, to whom I faide ; Good woman, it feemeth 
 you ftiold be diftrefled, although I know not for what caufe, 
 5 but fay, what is the matter of this your hafly flight? Alas 
 fir, (faid fhe) as I was trauelling towards hell, with certaine 
 wares that I haue heere in my fardle, which I am fent with- 
 aU to fhewe them to Prqferpina : faft by heere in the high 
 way, there encountered with mee the moft deformed and 
 
 ro yll-fauoured Monfter, that euer I did fette myne eyes 
 on, whofe ougly countenaunce dyd fo afright mee, that 
 it maketh mee in this fort to retyre, not daring to holde 
 on my courfe. 
 
 I pray thee goodwife (faide I) what wares fliould they be, 
 
 15 that thou art carrying to hell? or dooft thou carry them to 
 fell ? or be they fent as a prefent ? 
 
 Syr fayde ftiee, I haue heere Perewigs of the newe 
 curie, Roules, and other attyres for the heade of the new 
 fafhion, Ruffes of the newe fette, newe Cuttes, newe 
 
 20 Stitches, newe gardes, newe imbroyders, newe de- 
 uyfed French Verdingales, newe French bodyes, newe 
 bumbafting, newe bolftering, newe vnderlayings, and 
 twentie newe deuyfes more than I haue nowe fpoken 
 of, which I am carrying to hell amongeft the Ladyes 
 
 25 and Gentlewomen that are there, who when they ly- 
 ued in the worlde woulde let flippe no fafliion: and I am 
 fure nowe they bee there, would be right glad of the fafhions 
 nowe in vfe, both to fee them and to haue them. 
 
 In good faith (faid I) they be wares fit for fuch cuftomers, 
 
 30 for from hell they came, and thether they will, there they 
 
 were firft deuifed, and therefore fittefl: to ferue that Market. 
 
 You are much deceyued fir f fayd fhe) for I haue fafhions 
 
 heere that neuer a Lady nor Gentlewoman that is in hell, 
 
 euer fawe the like, nor neuer a Curtyfan, or any other 
 
 35 fbrumpet that liued in the world, did euer weare the like, fuch 
 perewigs, curled and firifled by art, fuch roules of hayre per- 
 fumed and platted by proportion, fuch ruffes as will afke one 
 
 F 2 whole 
 
 [43 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 whole day to wafti and ftarch, and an other dales labour but 
 to pinne them in the fafhion, that (alas poore women) they 
 are faine to take great paynes to goe to the diuell : but I be- 
 feech you Gentlemen, if your occafions be not the greater, doo 
 fo much as condndt mee a lytttle part of the way, tyU I bee 6 
 paft this ill fauoured Monfter that hath fo affright me. We 
 yeelding to her requeft, had not gone farre but we might dif- 
 cerne a moft deformed creature, with a monftrous payre of 
 homes, growing from the vppermoft part of his Fore-head, 
 the tippes whereof turned round into his eyes, and growing lo 
 there agayne into his head, had made him ftarke blinde, that 
 he had no manner of fight ; Our Companion fo confidently 
 perfwaded in the vertue of his holy Candle, that he thought 
 no fpirite was able to hurt him, ftepping forward fayde. In 
 nomine PatriSy what art thou that walkeft in this fort, thus ig 
 difturbing the High wayes. 
 
 The other aunfwered. What I am thou mayfl: fee very 
 well, but howe I came to bee thus perplexed, that thou muft 
 vnderftand by a further cyrcumftaunce. Knowe then that I 
 was a Myller, fometimes dwelling in Kent, where I kept a 20 
 Mill, which (as it feldome tymes wanted water, fo at no 
 time it wanted grift) for that it had the cuftome of the Coun- 
 trey, at the leaft fiue or fix myles about : It fortuned that a 
 very wealthy and fubftantial Farmer, dwelling two or three 
 miles fro me, fent a facke of Corne to my Mill by his daugh- 25 
 ter, which came on horfe-backe to haue her corne grownd, 
 intending to haue gone backe againe with it before night : 
 which might very well haue beene doone, fauing that wee 
 Myllers are tyed to this cuftome, which is, when any young 
 women dooth fortune thus to come to the Mill, wee vfe as 3° 
 well to take toule of themfelues, as of their fackes : and I, 
 fixing mine eyes vpon the wench, feeing her to be a very han- 
 fome young Mayden, not aboue nineteene or tweentie yeeres 
 of age, was very loath to let her efcape toule-free, and there- 
 fore fet downe a plot howe I might acquainte her with our 35 
 cuftome: the which I could not by any meanes perfourme, 
 but by making her to ftay all night, wherefore I purpofly 
 
 put 
 [44] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 put my Myll out of temper, and fpent all the after noone in 
 repayring and trimming of my Myll, and brought her corne 
 to the hopper, whe the day was fo far pafled, that it was not 
 poflible it could bee grownd oiF, tyll it were very late in the 
 5 night ; But the young Mayden feeing her Corne vppon the 
 Myll, and defirous to haue it home with her, ftayed with the 
 better will, the which being once grownd off, notwithftand- 
 ing the euening was very farre fpent, yet (hee woulde haue 
 departed home : but I, pretending much good will to her Fa- 
 
 lo ther, tolde her that if a dogge of her Fathers, were in my 
 houfe at this time of the night, I would not fhutte him forth 
 of the doores for his Maifters fake, much leffe your Fathers 
 daughter: wherefore I will intreate you to ftay this night 
 in my houfe, and you ftiall haue a homely bed, and a cleane 
 
 1 5 paire of fheetes, with fuch fare as I hope fhaU content you, 
 and for your horfe, jiee fhall likewife bee turned into a good 
 pafture faft by my MUl, and in the morning all things fhall 
 be ready for you to depart fo foone as you pleafe. 
 
 The maiden being well perfwaded by my faire fpeeches, 
 
 20 feemed content, and I went to my wife, & tolde her that for as 
 much as my Mill had beene out of temper all the day, I muft 
 fit vppe all night to grinde, willing her further to make ready 
 a fpare Chamber, for the young Maiden my Neighbours 
 daughter : who had flayed fo long for the grinding of her 
 
 25 Corne, that it was too late for her to goe home, & willed her, 
 to better our fupper with a capon or a difh of chickins, as fhe 
 her felfe thought good ; But my wife, who many times be- 
 fore had taken the true meafure of my foote, and had picked 
 out at her fingers endes the whole drift of my pretence, 
 
 30 winking a litde with one of her eyes, aunfwered fmoothly, 
 Hufband all fhall be doone as you haue willed : & although I 
 had beene fufficiendy inflrudted in this olde Axiome, which 
 fayth, Truji not an olde queane, if /he once begins to winke : 
 yet by my wiues fmooth demeanure, I was free from aU fuf- 
 
 35 picion, and contemplating my felfe in hope of my nights hap- 
 pinefTe, I neuer had leyfure to bethinke me of any precpts of 
 good counfaile : but my wife hauing made all things ready, 
 
 F 3 and 
 
 [45 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 and that we were called in to fuch cates as fliee had proui- 
 ded, & we likewife hauing ended our fupper, I told the young 
 wench, that when ftie were difpofed to take her reft, my wife 
 ftiould bring her to her Chamber, and wild my wife like- 
 wife at her owne leyfure to get her to bed, for that I was to 5 
 watch all night, that I might bee ready in the morning to 
 ferue my cuftomers according to my promife : and thus lea- 
 uing them twayne together, I departed about my bufines; 
 but, my wife that had conceiued the very depth of my deuife, 
 lodged the mayde in her owne bed, and hauing but one other 10 
 Chamber, which I alwayes referued for a friend, and where 
 I thought the mayde fhould haue beene placed, there my 
 wife flily & cunningly lodged her felfe : but I that was more 
 doubtfuU of mine own fortune, than fufpicious of my wiues 
 pradlife, perceyuing euery body to bee in bedde, did thinke 15 
 it nowe high time to make tryall of my pretence, and con- 
 ueying my felfe featly into the Chamber, and then comming 
 to the bedde fide (with a foft and lowe voyce) I beganne to 
 perfwade thys young Mayden (as I had thought) that fhee 
 ftioulde not ftande in doubt or feare of him who was come 2,0 
 vnto her onely for good will, whom loue and liking had 
 made bolde and hardie, to requeft fome curtefie and kind- 
 nefle at her handes, and heere-withall, throwing one of 
 mine armes ouer her, I beganne to hunte after her lyppes, 
 and to haue beftowed of her a louing kifle. 25 
 
 But my wife, whofe cunning had ferued her to traine 
 me into this miftaking, could tell howe to behaue her felfe in 
 the reft, to confirme mee in mine error : for, although ftie 
 would render me no manner of fpeeches, whereby I might 
 difcouer her by her voice, yet in the reft of her demeanure ftie 30 
 counterfeited fo cunningly, fuch a kind of maydenly nycitie, 
 that a man would rather haue taken her for fome young ig- 
 norant puny, that had neuer dealt the cardes, than for an old 
 beaten gamfter, that knewe well enough howe to make the 
 ftakes : for although fliee knewe what it was whereat I le- 35 
 uelled, and was moft defirous to haue had me hit the marke, 
 yet ftie delayed mee off^ with a counterfeit kinde of ftriuing, 
 
 and 
 [46 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 and would neuer yeelde, tyll feeming for want of breath fhee 
 was not able to refift, and then panting (as it were to take 
 the ayre) ftiee feemed to bee ouercome (us it were) by force : 
 and I, that was not better able to difcerne of Cats in the 
 5 darke, but that they were all gray, feafted my felfe with a 
 fulfome repaft, in fteede of a dayntie difli, for blinde con- 
 ceit had gyuen mee an appetite to feede on that dyet, which 
 if I had feene, woulde quickly haue cloyed my ftomacke: 
 but hauing well fatif-fied my felfe, and that I was now 
 
 10 at leyfure to looke into mine owne fortune, and confi- 
 dering what perrill might enfue for a litde pleafure paft, 
 if the wench fhoulde fortune to complayne of that one 
 nights lodging fortie weekes after, the which would not 
 onely redounde to my great fhame and reproch, but lyke 
 
 15 enough to fall out to my wracke and vtter vndooing, her 
 Father beeing an able and wealthye man, that woulde 
 not let to feeke reuenge; to preuent thefe and other mif- 
 chiefes, I did bethinke me of this deuife. 
 
 I had a lufty young fellowe to my man, called Ra/e, 
 
 20 about the age of foure or fiue and twentie yeeres, whom 
 I had left to fee to my Myll nowe in myne abfence; this 
 Companion I knewe woulde be pat for my purpofe, and 
 one I was fure that woulde neuer flynch, to fpende hys 
 fix pence at his drinke or his drabbe : and calling to minde 
 
 2S an olde prefident, drawne from one of myne owne coate, I 
 meane, from the MLUer that had taught hys man to counter- 
 feit fo long, tyU hee was hanged vp in hys Mayfters roome, 
 I determined with my felfe likewife, to make mine own 
 man the inftrument that fhould ftand betweene mee and 
 
 30 all future mifchiefes. 
 
 Heere-uppon fayning an occafion to goe looke to my 
 Mill, and taking my leaue for the inftant with a kifle, 
 I came where my man was, and queftioning with him 
 of many idle matters, amongft the reft I demaunded of him 
 
 35 how he lyked of the young may den? 
 
 Mary Mayfter (fayde hee) I doo lyke fo well of her, 
 that I woulde thinke it a moft happie turne for men of 
 
 our 
 
 [47 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 our occupation, if all the diuelles of hell were fuch as fhe is, 
 becaufe there are very few Millers that doo vfe to goe to hea- 
 uen: and then if hell were no worfe furniftied than with 
 fuch, I wold not care if I did take my iourney thether-wards 
 to morrowe fo foone as it were day. 5 
 
 Why Rafe (fayd I) thou knoweft where (he lyeth in the 
 gueft Chamber, & what wilt thou giue me if I turne thee in 
 to her, and giue thee inftrudlion howe thou fhalt behaue thy 
 felfe, that fliee fhall not refufe to render courtefie for thy 
 kindnefle. I coulde fcarce make an ende of my wordes, but lo 
 my man, as if he had flayed too long, haftily aunfwered. 
 
 Maifter, I haue nothing in the world, but a flieepe and a 
 Lambe, which (as you knowe) doo goe in the Mill clofe, per- 
 fourme your words, and I wiU giue you them both, and that 
 with all my heart. ig 
 
 I reioycing in mine owne conceit, to thinke howe kindly 
 I had coofoned my man, would needes clappe handes wyth 
 him for the better confirmance of the bargaine : the which 
 beeing thus agreede on betweene vs, I wyUed him to goe in- 
 to the Chamber, and without any feare to get to the maydes 20 
 bed, and there to vfe no manner of ipeeches, but to worke all 
 his enterprifes, but onely by dumbe perfwafions. 
 
 But will you fee howe cunning was heere caught in his 
 owne nette : I had thought to haue coofoned my man, but he 
 kift me kindly for my acquaintance, and (according as I had 25 
 diredted himj into the Chamber he went, where my wife in 
 the darke could no better difcerne betweene me and my man, 
 than I was able before to iudge betweene her and the maid : 
 but he, vfing no wordes becaufe I had fo inftrudled him, and 
 fhe forbearing to fpeake for marring her owne Market, but 30 
 thus in sylence betweene them, I was coofoned on both 
 fides, for they agreede fo well together, that I thinke they 
 were loath to part, for my man feemed to like fo well of hys 
 entertaynment, that the day was ready to breake, before hee 
 would leaue his game. My wife on the other fide, in condi- 35 
 tion like vnto thofe, that when they haue fped weU, cannot 
 keepe their owne counfaile : fhee gat her felfe vp immediatly 
 
 after, 
 [48] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 after, and then calling the young maiden, who had flept qui- 
 etly all night, knowing nothing how matters had pafled a- 
 mongft vs, and the day light being by this time a little clea- 
 red vp, between my man and I we fette her vpon her horfe, 
 5 with her facke of meale vnder her : and fhe gyuing me harty 
 thanks for my curtefie, departed thus towards her Fathers 
 houfe. 
 
 Heere beganne Rafe and I againe to recreate our felues 
 with the remembrance of our nights pleafure, I fmild in my 
 10 fleeue to think how I had cofoned my man : my man laugh- 
 ed to remember how he had deceiued the maide : and beeing 
 thus together in the midft of our fports, in comes my Wife, 
 feeming by her countenaunce to be as merry as the beft, and 
 taking me by the hand, ftie prayed me to goe in with her, I 
 1 5 thinking fhe had fomewhat to fay, comming into the houfe, 
 ftiee had prouided for my breakefaft a warme caudle dainti- 
 lie made, with a couple of Chickins rofted, and ftoode hote 
 vppon the Table. I that fawe this extraordinary diet, mer- 
 uailing what conceite was gotte into her head: afked her 
 so what myght be the caufe of thys her fuddaine kindnefle : fhe 
 that lookt me in the face as wantonly as if fhe had come late- 
 ly where the frolike had runne rounde about the houfe, aun- 
 fwered me thus. 
 
 Byr lady hufband you haue taken paynes to night, and 
 25 I perceiue you are not yet fo farre ouer fpent, but that you 
 are worth the cherifhing : you haue deferued a better break- 
 fafl then thys : for he that hath watcht as you haue doone all 
 night, had neede be well comforted in the morning. Thefe 
 fufpicious words thus deliuered by my wife, brought mee 
 30 well neere into the fitte of an Ague : but beeing defirous to 
 be better fatif-fied in her meaning, I faid. 
 
 And what paynes haue I taken thys night, more then I 
 haue doone at other tymes .'' I haue watched manie a night 
 before thys, when I found no fuch kindnes at your hande in 
 35 the morning. 
 
 Hufband (faid fhee) how fo euer you haue watched in 
 times pafl, I know not, but this nights labor hath deferued 
 
 G no 
 
 [49I 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 no lefTe then a comfortable reftoratiue, and in fteed of Potato 
 rootes, I haue made you a warme Caudle next your hart : 
 be not afhamed man of that you haue doone, for it was I 
 that fupplyed the young wenches place to night in the gueft 
 Chamber, and it was you that came thether and playde the 5 
 propper man. But I thinke hufband, how foeuer you haue 
 ouer-reached me before, I haue cryed quittance with you 
 to night. And nowe comfort your felfe whilft your meate 
 is warme, plucke vppe your ftomake and fall to your break- 
 faft. lo 
 
 I that was not able with patience to endure her words, 
 burfting out in choUer, faide. The deuill take thee and thy 
 breakefaft, for thou haft giuen me a breakfaft and a dynner 
 to, that will ftick in my ftomacke whilft I Hue. And going 
 my way in this chafe into my Myll, where my man percei- 15 
 uing my fuddaine paflion, demaunded of me the caufe of my 
 vnquietnes ? Vilaine (faid I) thy felfe art the caufe why I 
 am thus perplexed, for thou haft lyne with my Wife : I 
 Maifter (fayd he) you are much deceiued, and I proteft I 
 would not doo you fo much wrong, for fo much corne as wold 20 
 fill the Hopper. 
 
 Thou haft doone it (fayd I) for ftie hath confeft it vnto me, 
 and it was flie that did lye to night in the outer Chamber in 
 the young wenches roome. That was more then I knew of 
 (fayd my man,) but fith it was fo, I will haue my Sheepe 25 
 and my Lambe againe, for the bargaine was betweene vs, 
 that you ftiould haue fent me in to the Maide, and I vppon 
 thys condition, promifed you my Sheepe & my Lambe, but 
 fith you haue broke your promife, by Saint Anne I will not 
 ftand to my bargaine. 30 
 
 Thefe fpeeches of thys varlet, dyd more vexe and grieue 
 me then before : and yet I wift not how I ftiould be reuen- 
 ged, nor better remedy could I deuife, but after I had frea- 
 ted my fiU, I commaunded the knaue to take his ftieepe and 
 his Lambe, and prefendy to gette him out of my feruice, nor 35 
 neuer after to come within my doores, nor into any other 
 place in my wiues company. 
 
 Thys 
 [50 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 Thys gaule of griefe continually fretting and gnawing 
 in my confcience, myght haue beene thought a fufficient pu- 
 nifhment though Rigore hymfelfe had pronounced the fen- 
 tence: but my terreftiall penaunce not enough to appeafe 
 5 the angry Goddes, they haue decreed thys finall conclufion : 
 that as I was the author of myne owne harmes by myne 
 owne blindnefle, fo mine owne homes fhall for euermore 
 fo grow in myne owne light, that beeing not able to difcerne 
 which way or how to diredl my fteppes, I fhould wander in 
 
 10 this folitary place, bereft of all other focietie, and fo to conti- 
 nue world without end. 
 
 The Woman that ftoode by all thys whyle, and had gy- 
 uen attentiue eare to thys difcourfe, ftriken as it (hold feeme 
 into fome remorfe, vpon what confideration I know not, but 
 
 IS thus fhe fayd, 
 
 Alas poore Myller, if thy punifhment be fo greeuous 
 for a fmall efcape ignorandy committed, woe is mee to 
 be-thinke what fhall betide to an infinite number y are dai- 
 lie infedled with thys common calamitie, this horne-plague 
 
 20 I meane, the generall ficknes of our time : a maladie that 
 hath fo much infedled both Citty, Towne, and Country, that 
 there are few places free, which are not fpiced heere & there, 
 with this forked generation: amongft the which there be a 
 number of honeft Gendemen, fome of them my verie good 
 
 25 freends and cuftomers, whofe homes doth hang fo much in 
 theyr own lights, that they are well contented to fufFer theyr 
 wiues to pranke themfelues vp in euery new fafhion, wher- 
 by to fet thefelues to fale, & to make open fhow how lighdy 
 they are difpofed : but the horne-plague fhal neuer depart his 
 
 30 houfe, that hath his wife fo gariftily inclined. 
 
 But alas for pitty, what Ihall become of a number of 
 kind harted PFittoles, that will not onely be contented to 
 hoode-winke themfelues from theyr Wiues adulteries, 
 but alfo to become Bawdes and Brokers, yea and fome- 
 
 35 times will not fticke to keepe the doores, whilft their Wiues 
 fliall bee within, playing the harlots wyth theyr cufto- 
 mers, 
 
 G 2 Blame 
 
 [ 51 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 Blame not me that am touched with fome remorfe, for 
 thefe be the people that I doe Hue by, for what fhoulde I doe 
 with my new-fangled traftie, if there were not as lycenci- 
 ous Women to buy them? And why fhould they deck them- 
 felues fo Curtifan-like to the view of the world, but to ma- 5 
 nifeft their vnchaft appetites, that they might be the rather 
 defired of men. 
 
 The woman had no fooner ended thefe fpeeches, but ftie 
 as fuddainly burft out into fuch a vehement laughter, that 
 for the time, flie was not able to deliuer a word: but in the lo 
 end, with much a doe, recouering the vfe of her tongue, fhee 
 fayd : Now truely I cannot chufe but laugh to think of my 
 hulbande, howe ill fauoured he wiU looke with fuch a payre 
 of fpedakles hanging ouer hys browes as thys MyUer hath 
 gotte. 15 
 
 Wee that ftoode by, and were more mindfuU to fee an 
 end of our trauailes then difpofed to prolong the time in idle- 
 nes : I afked of the Miller if he did knowe where abouts the 
 place of Purgatory was, or if he could giue vs any direftion 
 which way we myght gette thither, he anfwered thus. 20 
 
 My good Freendes, what foeuer you be, you fhall vn- 
 derftande, that thirtie yeeres and odde are already ouer paf- 
 fed fith I firft frequented thefe infernall pathes, in which 
 meane fpace, though I haue not been able to difcerne mine 
 owne footefteppes, yet by the reports of fundry trauailers 25 
 that hath pafled thefe waies, I haue learned thus much con- 
 cerning Purgatory. 
 
 The perfons that were the firft founders of the place, 
 were not perfedUy fighted, but like as the Owle which can- 
 not abide the light of the Sunne, flyeth euermore in y night, 30 
 fo thofe men, not able to endure that excellent brightnefle 
 which is the onely true light to euery perfe6l vnderftanding, 
 framing all theyr platformes in obfcuritie and darknefle, a- 
 mongft other idle inuentions, woulde needes take vppon 
 them the building of Purgatorie. The place where they 35 
 had feated it, was fo obfcured with fuch fogges and filthy 
 myftes, that no man that had the perfeft vfe of hys wittes, 
 
 was 
 [52 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 was euer able to find the fituation. The foundation wheron 
 It was layd, was lyes and foolifh fantafies, the reft of the 
 vpper buildings, was dreames and doting deuifes. All the 
 whole edifice, was of fuch lyght and rotten ftuflFe, that after 
 6 they had beene two or three hundred yeeres patching & pee- 
 cing it together, a poore filly Swaine naked and thred bare, 
 called Trueth^ blowing againft the building but with a litde 
 blaft of breath, the gale was of fuch force againft it, that the 
 whole matter & fubftance, together with the Founders, Pa- 
 
 lo trons, Prodtors, Prote<5lors & Defenders, were al blown im- 
 mediatly into Hell : fo that who foeuer he be that feeketh for 
 Purgatory, there hee fliall be fure to finde it : and for thefe 
 thirty yeeres that I haue wandred in thefe places, there ne- 
 uer came any to enquire after it but madde men and fooles. 
 
 15 "Why then fayd I (to our companion that ftoode by with 
 hys Candle,) I perceiue you had fome reafon to bring light 
 with you when you came to feeke Purgatory, fith the place 
 is fo darke and ib daintie to be found. But nowe you know 
 affuredly where you may finde it, your Candle wiU ftand 
 
 20 you in fome fteede to light you to Hell. 
 
 Hee breaking out into fundry paffions, fome-times ra- 
 ging againft the MyUer, faying that he was but an ignorant 
 and a lying Heretique : then calling to his memory the long 
 tyme he had fpent in feeking of Purgatory, hee beganne as 
 
 35 vehemendy to rayle againft the Pope, and as bitterly to ex- 
 claime againft hys lefuites and Seminaries, that had promi- 
 fed to inftrudl hym in the high way to Heauen, and diredtlie 
 fent him. the verie next way to Hell. 
 
 In thefe angry fittes hee blewe out hys Candle, and 
 
 30 throwing it from him, was contented to hold vs companie 
 in the reft of our iourny. 
 
 Whilft we were wandering thus together, we had not 
 paced the diftance of a furlong, but we might heare the 
 ibunde of a Home, which was blowne with fuch ftirilnefle, 
 
 35 that the Eccho redoubled againe in the ayre, and looking a- 
 bout vs, we might perceiue a farre of, where one came ry- 
 ding poft all in black as faft as his horfe was able to fling, 
 
 G 3 and 
 
 [ 63 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 and with his quicke fpeede immediady pafling by vs, wee 
 knewe him by his balde pate and his Coule hanging at hys 
 backe, that he was a fatte fquaddy Monke, that had beene 
 well fedde in fome Cloyfter, who with his great hafte was 
 fuddainly out of our fights : and we had not trauailed farre, 5 
 but we might fee Hell gates ftanding wide open, with a- 
 boundaunce of people that were flocking out of all quarters, 
 preafing in as thicke, as if in the Terme time they were 
 thronging to Wefiminjler Hall. And prefendy we might be- 
 hold a cleere auoydance in the gates, and a multitude com- 10 
 ming foorth, with Belles, with Banners, with Torches, 
 with Crofles and with Copes, in a very folemne manner of 
 Proceflion, finging Sake fejia dies. 
 
 Wee {landing fl:ill in a gaze as they pafled by, I deman- 
 ded of one of the traine what myght be the meaning? Who iS 
 anfwered mee that there was a Pofl: newly come fr3 Rome, 
 with newes that the Popes Legate was hard at hand, with 
 fome great Embaflage: and that folemnitie was onely to 
 entertaine him, to fhew what reuerence they dyd beare to 
 hys Maifter. The thronge that followed was fo exceeding, 20 
 that we were mightily fhouldered to and fro amongft the 
 company, but Veluet breeches & I, determining to fee what 
 would foUow, we tooke the one the other by the hand, folow- 
 ing in the preafe til at length this holy Legate was feene 
 where he was coming, fo that it was not long but they met. 25 
 The Legate y was a chuffe-headed Cardinall with a paire 
 of flilfome cheekes, (tretched out like one that were playing 
 on a bag-pipe, alighted from his palfry, and prefenting him- 
 felfe before Lucifer, who was there in place to receiue him, he 
 fel down vpon his knees, praying the Prince of darknefle, to 30 
 beflow his fatherly benedidbion vpon the Popes holines, hys 
 chiefe Vicar & Vizegerent vpon earth : the only man that he 
 was efpecially beholding vnto, who fent him from time to 
 time whole Millions of foules for the increafing of his king- 
 dome : from whom I am fent with matters of much impor- 35 
 tance to be heere confidered of, and whofe perfon in this place 
 I doo now reprefent. 
 
 Lucifer 
 [ 54 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 Lucifer lyfting vp one of hys pawes, and waging it ouer 
 
 the Legates head, fayd: That blefling that God gaue vnto 
 
 Caine for the killing of hys Brother Abely lyght vppon thy 
 
 Maifter and hys fucceflburs for euer. Then taking hym by 
 
 5 the arme, he fayd. 
 
 Stand vppe, for confidering whofe Embafladour thou 
 art, it were an embacing to thine eftate, if thou fhouldeft 
 fhew any figne of humility or lowlines. Thou dooft heere 
 reprefent the perfon of Antechrijl, whofe pride coulde neuer 
 
 lo yet furrender it felfe to any manner of obedience, I will not 
 therefore in this place y any thing be imbeifeled, that might 
 derogate the leaft dignity from that Chayre of peftilence, I 
 meane the holy Sea of Rome. 
 
 Then was there brought foorth a moft ftately Chayre, 
 
 IS which was prepared of purpofe, in which Chayre Ambition 
 and Pryde hauing placed the Cardinally olde Ignorance and 
 young Objiinacy, (tlie one blind, the other froward,) taking 
 it vpon theyr fhoulders, as if the Pope himfelfe were carried 
 in his Pontificalibus, and then a rich & fumptuous Canapie 
 
 20 beeing fpred ouer him, and borne by foure fupporters, which 
 were, Idolatry, Hipocrijie, Herejie, and Blafphemy, thus in 
 this pompious manner (beeing placed in the Proceflion next 
 Lucifer himfelfe) they returned to Hell, whofe gates I no- 
 ted to be fo large and fpacious, that a Princes Army though 
 
 25 it were martialed in any proportion of battayle, with Fyl- 
 lets, Troupes and Winges, might well haue marched in 
 without any manner of dyforder. And although the inner 
 roomes did fo exceede in greatnes, that it paffeth humaine 
 reafon to conceiue of them aright, yet he that fhould behold 
 
 30 the aboundance of people that reforte thether daily, and the 
 infinite number that are there to be feene flocking in euerie 
 corner therof, wold more wonder to thinke what place could 
 fo containe them. 
 
 Beeing thus come into Hell, they went to the Chappel, 
 
 35 where Pope Hildebrand the fir ft founder of Trafubflantia- 
 tion was ready to fay Majfe, the which beeing ended, Sa- 
 than (who can in no wife endure the deferring of matters 
 
 that 
 
 [ 55 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 that dooth concerne his owne eftate, went immediatly into 
 the Conuocation houfe, where calling about him a moft ab- 
 hominable company of Popes, Cardinals, Biftiops, Fry- 
 ers, Abbots, and other Clergy men, that hath beene for this 
 foure or fiue hundred yeeres, ftill of his priuie Counfaile, the 5 
 Legate was willed to deliuer the efFedl of his meflage, who 
 making hys entrance with a breefe Oration, tending to the 
 commendation of the Popes carefulneffe, how many ftrata- 
 gemes he had endeuoured againft Englande, Fraunce, and 
 Ireland^ for the better eftablifhing of the Kingdome of Ante- lo 
 chriji in thofe places : and he was nowe to let them vnder- 
 ftand, firft for England. Where he had thought to haue ac- 
 compliihed hys purpofes by the meanes of his lefuites and 
 Seminaries, whom he fent thether in flockes, to withdrawe 
 the people from theyr obedience, to ftyrre them to fedition, 15 
 rebellion and vprore: to pradife treafons againft theyr So- 
 ueraigne, yea and to vndertake many horrible enterprifes 
 againft the perfon of the Prince, whom God hath ftU migh- 
 tilie defended, not onely preferuing her from their traiterous 
 pradifes, but likewife hath fo reuealed the confpiracies^-of 20 
 the praftifers, that from time to time they haue been ftill ap- 
 prehended, and fo fent to Tybume, to fay In manus tuas. 
 
 Beeing therefore exempted from aU manner of hope to 
 find any good fuccefle in thefe former platformes, his Holi- 
 nefle craueth your Hellifti inftruftions, what courfe hee 25 
 might now follow for the recouery of that Country. 
 
 For Fraunce, it would aflce a long time heere to be dyf- 
 courfed, what trecheries, what treafons, what mifchieues, 
 what murthers, and what mafTacres hys Holines hath there 
 from time to time efFefted : and although hee hath now ftir- 30 
 red vppe hys vaflaile the King of Spayne, who hath from the 
 dignitie of a magnificent Prince, furrendred himfelfe to be- 
 come a flaue to the Pope, to come and goe as he appoints 
 him, and to be the executor of aU his damnable deuifes, and 
 hath hys forces nowe in that Countrey, in the afliftance of 35 
 Traytors and Rebels, againft theyr naturall Prince and 
 lawfuU King: yet hys Holines can haue no aflured hope 
 
 to 
 [ 56 J 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 to fupprefle the light of the Gofpell retayned amongft them, 
 or vtterly to fubuert the profefTors of it, without fome diuel- 
 lifli deuife, platted and contriued from this infernall pitte of 
 hell. 
 5 Nowe laftly for Ireland, if that Countrey might ftill bee 
 continued in that ftate as it now ftandeth, there were many 
 hopes to be expeded, not neceflary in this place to bee openly 
 reuealed: for although the natural! people of that Countrey, 
 (yea euen in the moft barbarous places) be of thefelues very 
 
 lo zealoufly inclyned, & without all peraduenture, would eafily 
 be drawn to the true knowledge and worfhip of God, if they 
 had fuch a Minifter amongft them, as might inftrudl them, 
 afwell in wholefome dodlrine, as in good example of life : but 
 the Pope hath fo well prouided for the place, that the whole 
 
 15 Country dooth fwarme with lejuits, Seminaries, and mafling 
 Priefts, yea, and Fryers, that haue recourfe into Duhlyne 
 it felfe, and thefe doo keepe fuch a continuall and daylie buzing 
 in the poore peoples eares, that they are not onely ledde from 
 all duety and obedience of theyr Prince, but alfo drawne 
 
 20 from God by fuperftitious Idolatrie, and fo brought head- 
 long by heapes into hell : for through the whole Countrey, 
 the people are fo confidently perfwaded in the dodlryne of 
 Antechrtft, that they thinke our Lord will doo nothing with- 
 out the mediation of our Lady, of Mary, or of lohn. And to 
 
 25 fpeak truly of the Clergy of that Realme, if there be one that 
 feeketh to vpholde the glory of God, there is ten for that one 
 that feeketh to vpholde the kingdome of Antechrifi; neyther 
 is it to be doubted, but that there be fome fewe, which both in 
 preaching and lyuing ftieweth all finceritie and godlynefle of 
 
 30 life : but there be a number of others, which neither fay nor 
 doo, neither preach well, nor Hue well. Some other there be 
 that now and then will get vp into a Pulpit, and there they 
 will fpend an howre, chyding againft the Pope in the courfe 
 of their fpeaking, and they are no fooner come down but they 
 
 35 will defie God himfelfe halfe a yeere after, in the manner of 
 theyr lyuing : and this example of theyr vngodly behauiour, 
 is no little corrafiue to weake confciences, that doo beholde 
 
 H their 
 
 [ 57 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 their wickednes. For what is it for a Clergy man, be he Par- 
 Jon, be he Vicar, be he Deacon, be he Archdeacon, be he By- 
 fiop, be he Archbi/hop, or let him be what he wil, if he be one 
 that wiU rather endeuour himfelfe to fleece his flocke than to 
 feed it, that hath not fo much care of the children of God, com- 6 
 mitted to his charge, which he fuiFereth dayly to periih : as 
 he hath to prouyde marriages for his own children, in theyr 
 very infancie, and when they are vnder age: that dooth 
 builde houfes, and purchafe rents by corruption, extortion, 
 and briberie, that dooth eat and drinke the finnes of the igno- lo 
 rant people dayly at his table : that will not admit of a par- 
 don from the Pope, yet dares not bee without fiue or fix fe- 
 uerall pardons from the Prince, for treafon, for murther, for 
 theft, for robbery, for confpyracy, for confederacy, for rafyng, 
 for forging, for extortion, for bryberie, and for many other i5 
 filthy matters, ftiamefuU to be fpoken oiF, were it not before 
 this haggifh afl'embly: and what though from a bafe and 
 beggerly parentage, he could fhewe himfelfe lofty in minde, 
 lofty in lookes, and lofty in all the refl: of his demeanures: 
 Would not fuch a Prelate be fit for the deuilles Chappell ? 20 
 The Legat had no fooner made an end of thefe latter words, 
 but in comes Dick Tarlton, apparrelled like a .Clowne, and 
 finging this peece of an olde fong, 
 . If this be trewe as true it is, 
 
 Ladie Ladie: 25 
 
 God fend her life may mend the mijfe, 
 
 Moji deere Ladie. 
 This fuddaine ieft brought the whole company into fuch 
 a vehement laughter, that not able agayne to make them 
 keepe filence, for that prefent tyme they were faine to breake 30 
 vppe: and as Veluet breeches and I were walking arme in 
 arme through the preafe, wee fortuned to meete with Com- 
 mens, one that fome fewe yeeres agoe, had beene a Sargeant 
 in London, who no fooner efpyed Veluet breeches, but hee 
 got vp a fire-brand, wherewith he gaue hym fuch a ftroake 35 
 ouer the ftioulders, that the coales flewe all about the place. 
 V-eluet breeches againe vppe with his fift, and gaue hym 
 
 fuch 
 [ 58 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 fuch a blowe vnder the eare, that had lyke to haue ftryken 
 him ouer: with this they clofed, and beganne to pommell 
 one an other as faft as theyr fifts coulde walke, the compa- 
 ny that ftoode by beganne to cry Clubbes, Clubbes, Clubbes, 
 5 and immediady they came rufhing in about vs, wyth 
 flefti-hookes, with Coale rakes, wyth Fyre-forckes, and 
 with fuch other furniture, as a man would haue thought 
 were all come out of a Kytchin : and wyth fome little a-doe 
 they parted the fray, and the partyes were prefently by 
 
 lo the Officers brought before Lucifer, and I beeing a 
 ftraunger in the place, was lykewife carryed with them 
 for company: where Commens beeing charged to bee 
 the firft Authour of the broyle, in his owne excufe ren- 
 dred this reafon. 
 
 15 I was (fayde hee) fometimes an Officer vnder the 
 SheriiFes of London, and beeing feede by a Towns man to 
 arreft Veluet breeches, I was brought vnto him where hee 
 was in a Barbers ftioppe, fitting with a Bafon before hym, 
 full of fopie water, wherewith the Barber was rubbing hys 
 
 20 cheekes, and daihing of hym about the lippes, and I feeing 
 hym thus in trymming, thought of curtefie to forbeare the 
 dooing of myne ofiyce, tyll the Barbar had ended his bu- 
 fineffe, and fetting my felfe downe without any worde 
 fpeaking, Veluet breeches by chaunce efpying my Mace 
 
 25 vnder my Gowne, fufpeding a-ryght the caufe of my 
 comming, fuddaynelie (before I was a-ware of hymj 
 threwe all the water fo diredlly in my face, that the 
 Sope getting into myne eyes, did fo fmart and grieue 
 mee, that for my life I was not able to holde them o- 
 
 30 pen : But whilft I ftoode ftarke blinde for the tyme, 
 wyping and rubbing of myne eyes, Veluet breeches 
 packt himfelfe out of the doores, that I could neuer after 
 come where hee was tyll thys prefent, and I vowed then 
 to bee reuenged of him the next time that euer I fawe him : 
 
 35 and I am now to craue the priuiledge of the place, for it is di- 
 redly againft our auncient cuftome, that there ftiould be any 
 quarrels or controuerfies taken vp heere, or that there fhould 
 
 H 2 bee 
 
 [ 59 ] 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 be found any peace-makers in hell : with this the whole mul- 
 titude began to growe into an vprore, and they fell immedi- 
 atlie to taking of parts : and firft there ftood vp in Commens 
 behalfe, a great number of cruell creditors, crafty Lawyers, 
 Merchants, Retaylers, Scriueners, Broakers, and a moft 5 
 fliamefuU and filthy company of vfurers. 
 
 Veluet breeches on the other fide, he wanted no friends, 
 for there were a great many that knew him : and thofe that 
 tooke hys part, were fwaftiers, fwearers, whore-maifters, 
 theeues, robbers, ruffyans, royfters, and coofoners. lo 
 
 As they were growing into this commotion amongfl: 
 themfelues, there were gathered together an infinite num- 
 ber of Cony-catchers, which came to take part with Veluet 
 breeches : who feeing me to fl:and by, they beganne to growe 
 into confufed exclamations againfl: mee, fome faide, let vs 15 
 teare the villaine in peeces, that hath written fo many bookes 
 againft vs : other fayde, let vs fley of his flcinne, and cut the 
 the flelli from his bones in fmall gobbets, that hath fo mani- 
 fefted the fecrets of our trade and profeflion, to the world : 
 fome other fayde, let vs cut the tongue out of his head, and 20 
 put out both his eyes, that hath beene an enemie to the arte 
 of Cony-catching, and hath fo fhamefuUy inueyed againft the 
 pradlifes ; Then came there foorth an infinite number of wo- 
 men Cony-catchers, and they fware they would geld me, for 
 marring theyr Market, and hindering them of theyr taking. 25 
 Thus was I threatned on all fides, euery man ftoode won- 
 dering at mee, no man to take my part : But Lucifer percei- 
 uing the caufe of their griefes, by the manner of their cla- 
 mors, & willing to appeafe their paflTions with any punifh- 
 ment, commaunded mee prefently to bee thruft foorth of hell 30 
 gates and charging me fo to remaine a reftlefle fpirite, wan- 
 dering through the world, and neuer after to make any re- 
 turne agayne to that place. 
 
 Thus for the writing of bookes, I was firft baniftied fro 
 Heauen for my ouer much parciallitie, and nowe exiled from 35 
 hell, for my too much plainnefl*e : I remayne now (as I haue 
 tolde you) a walking fpyrite, reftlefle and remedileffe to wan- 
 der 
 [ 60 ] 
 
both from Heauen and Hell. 
 
 der through the world ; I woulde therefore wifh my friends 
 to beware howe they walke late a nights, for I will bee the 
 maddeft Gobline, that euer vfed to walke in the Moone- 
 ftiine. For I will fometimes bee a fpirite of the Buttery, 
 5 and I will fo intoxicate their heades, that doo frequent the 
 places of my haunt, that at night they fliall not be able to find 
 the way to their beds, tyll they haue taken their firft fleepe 
 on the flore. 
 
 Sometimes I wUl bee Robin Goodfellowe, and will 
 
 lo meete with a wanton wench in a darke corner, and let her 
 blefle and croffe her felfe as well as fhe can, I will put her in 
 fuch a bodily feare, that for fortie weekes after, fliee fhaU 
 thinke that young bugges are crawling in her belly. 
 
 Sometimes I wiU ftiew fuch dreames & vyfions to wo- 
 
 15 men whilft they be fleeping, that they fhall make theyr Huf- 
 bands Cuckolds when they are waking. 
 
 Sometimes I will tranf-forme my felfe into diuers 
 fhapes, and wiU walke through all trades, all Sciences, and 
 all occupations, and fome I will infedt with the fpirite of A- 
 
 20 uarice, fome with miferie, fome with deceipt and all manner 
 of fubtiltie, that they ftiall leaue no pradife vnfought for, 
 whereby to rake and gather pelfe, to leaue to theyr heyres, 
 that the olde Prouerbe might bee verified : Happy are thofe 
 children^ whofe Fathers goe to the deuill, 
 
 25 In the Tearme time, I will be in Wejlm'infter hall a- 
 mongft the Lawyers, whome I will make fo capable in the 
 quyUityes of the Lawe, that they fhall coofen twentie Cly- 
 ents of theyr coyne, before they will bring one to an ende of 
 hys caufe ; and wUl not fticke nowe and than to get me vp 
 
 30 to the bench, amongft the ludges themfelues, to let them tall 
 a litde of the fweetnefle of corruption. 
 
 You may eafily thinke that I meane to frequent the 
 Court, where I will oppofe my felfe a profeffed enemie a- 
 gainft Good dejart, and let him come thether and pleade his 
 
 35 many yeeres feruice in the warres : let him fhew his wounds 
 and maymes, gotten in his Countreys defence: let him fig- 
 nifie his time and patrimony fpent in his Princes quarrell, 
 
 H 3 to 
 
 [ 61 J 
 
Greenes newes 
 
 to maintayne himfelfe, and to releeue fuch as were about 
 him : or let him pretend many other indeuours, in the feruice 
 of hys Soueraigne, that might worthily mooue a fauourable 
 confideration, if there fhall bee founde one that will afFoorde 
 him a fauourable looke, or a comfortable ipeech, there ftiall be 5 
 two for that one to requite him with difdainfuU counte- 
 nance, and churlifh checkes. 
 
 I will not tell all, howe grieuous I will be to Largejfe 
 and Lyberallitie, nor how miferable I wUl fhew my felfe in 
 fhutting vp of the Princes bountie: Let this fuffice, hee that lo 
 fhall become a Suter at the Court, without golde in his 
 purfe to fee a brybing Groome, let him looke for fmall grace 
 in his futes : for I will ftrike fuch a deafenefle into the eares 
 of the Clarkes and Secretaries, appertayning to great men, 
 that when a penyleffe Suter comes vnto them with cap and 15 
 curtefie, they fhai not vnderftand what the foole meaneth, nor 
 be able to heare one worde that he fpeaketh, without a bribe. 
 I might marre all if I fliould tell all, how I ment to beftirre 
 my felfe amongft the Courtiers of all forts, but they fay, 
 Enough is as good as a Feaft. 20 
 
 The Cleargy muft not thinke to efcape me fcotfree, for I 
 muft needes be acquainted with thefe double beneficed men, 
 and wil many times conuerfe with fuch as be Non refidents ; 
 and fometimes I will get vp into the Pulpit and preach, but 
 you may eafily difcerne mee, for my text fhall be, Doo as 1 25 
 fay, but not as I doo ; My conclufion is. Good friends take 
 heede how you come in thofe places where I walke, for you 
 may perceiue I am bent vpon mifchiefe, I can but therefore 
 wifh you to looke to your felues : and fo fare you well. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 [ 62 ] 
 
II. 
 GREENES FUNERALLS. 
 
 By R. B. 
 
[I] 
 
 '^''^^.^fT'^'V^c *~*^ ^ 
 
 A. 
 
[Ornament with ' I D.'] 
 
 GREENES 
 
 Funeralls. 
 
 ^ R B. Gent. 
 
 [Dancer's device, 
 with 
 
 * AVT NVNC 
 AVT NVNQVAM.*J 
 
 Printed at London by Tohn Danter, and are 
 
 to be fold at his Houfe in Hqfier-lane nere 
 
 Holbourne-Conduit. 
 
To the Gentlemen Readers 
 
 Health. 
 
 Entle Reader, 1 once readd of a 
 King, that diuided the day into 
 three parts; the Firft hee fpent in 
 Prayer, the Second in hearing of 
 his Subieds caufes, and the laft in 
 delight and pleafure of his body : So (Gentle Rea- 
 der) I hope thou wilt fpend one daies pleafure in 
 lo reading this Pamphlet, wherin no curious theame 
 is writt vppon; but certaine Poemes, Entituled: 
 Greenes Funeralls. Which contrarie to the Au- 
 thours expeftation I haue nowe publifhed, for it 
 was his priuate ftudy at idle times. Gentlemen, 
 15 fine wits are quickned with one cup of pure wine, 
 where many woulde make them dull; And this 
 fmall Pamphlet may recreate your mindes, when 
 large Volumes would but cloy and weary you : 
 Now if the Authors paines, and the Printers la- 
 20 bour may be acceptable to thee (Gentle Reader) 
 the one hath his hyer, and the other his defire. 
 
 Yours in all curtejie, lohn Danter. 
 
 [69] 
 
Sonnet, I. 
 
 I Hy fhould my Fen prefume to write his praife, 
 
 WAnd hee in perfect mould of Vertue framde ? 
 Why fliould my Mujejing of his happie daies, 
 ' ^-^^ he the marke, at which Dame ^S^nture framde ? 
 5 PFhy rather fliould I notfuch vertues fliow, 
 
 Thatjuch pure golde from droffe each man may know? 
 But ceafe my Mufe^ why dojl thou take in handfo great a Taske : 
 Which to performe a greater wit, than Mercuries would aske? 
 For iudgement \o\xe, for Learning deepe, hejtill Apollo feemde: 
 o For floent Tongue, for eloquence, men Mercury him deemde. 
 For curtefie fuppofe him Guy, or Guyons fomewhat lejfe : 
 His life and manners though I would, I cannot halfe exprejfe. 
 Nor Mouth, nor Minde, nor Mufe can halfe declare. 
 His Life, his Loue, his Laude, fo excellent they were. 
 
 Sonnet, 11. 
 
 [71] 
 
Sonnet, II. 
 
 ^Ortune, hates not, them that hate her: 
 Fortune, hues not, them that hue her: 
 Fortune, would, and cannot rate her: 
 Fortune, fliall, and muft remoue her. 
 
 And though fickle Fortune /mile: 
 It is hut for a little while. 
 
 Greene loude Fortune fooUPi Man, 
 Foolifh man, why loude he Jo ? 
 And her foolifli race he ran, 
 Foolifli race thats run with woe. 
 
 Who then {Alas^ was lejfe mifujed? 
 
 Now (^Alas) is more abujed? 
 
 lO 
 
 But let Fowles and foolifli fellowes, 
 Barke and byte their belly fill: 
 It is not fpightfull Enuies bellowes, 
 That can kindle fire fiill. 
 
 No Booke plea/es all that come : 
 None Jo bad but pleafes Jome. 
 
 15 
 
 Sonnet, III. 
 
 [7a] 
 
Sonnet. III. 
 
 J/'EE dainty Damfels o/"Dianes Traine, 
 
 That long to dally, with your loued Lords : 
 And you hraue Gallant, high rejolued Lords. 
 That hue to gaze, vpon your ftately Starrs. 
 5 He he is dead, that kild you with dijdaine . 
 
 And often fedde your friendy hopes againe. 
 
 He he is dead, that wrote of your delights : 
 That wrote of Ladies, and of Parramours ; 
 Of budding beautie, and Mr branched leaues, 
 lo Offweet content in ray all Nuptialls. 
 
 He he is dead, that kild you with difdaine : 
 And often fed your friendly hopes againe. 
 
 His gadding Mufe, although it ran of hue. 
 Yet did heefweetly morralize, his Jongs : 
 15 Ne euer gaue the loafer caufe to laugh, 
 Ne men of ludgment, for to be offended. 
 
 \A 
 
 [73] 
 
But as he often hid them with dijdaine : 
 So did he often feede their hopes againe. 
 
 And though he often told of things to come^ 
 
 In hue more like a Prophet than a Poet: 
 
 Yet did he wifely interlace the one^ 
 
 With Sages y'fljiwg'J, euer mixt among. 
 
 And though he often fedde their pleafing paine : 
 Yet did he often kill them with difdaine. 
 
 Wherefore yee dainty Damfels of renowne. 
 
 That long to dallie, with your loued Lords ; 
 
 And you hraue Gallant, worthy noble Lords, 
 
 That hue to dandle in your Ladies lapps. 
 
 Come hither tome, and lend your mouths to Fame : 
 That meanes to found, his neuer dying name. 
 
 10 
 
 Sonnet. IIIL 
 
 [74 J 
 
Sonnet, IIII. 
 
 Qfime from the Mufes well Miner ua, 
 Come and bring a Coronet: 
 
 To crowne his head, that doth dejerue, 
 A greater gift than Colinet. 
 
 5 Come from Bacchus bowre Silenus, 
 
 Come and bring fome good-ale grout: 
 For tofprinckk Vino-plenus : 
 All his foolijh face about. 
 
 Come thou hither fweete Amyntas 
 lo All on a filuer founding Swanne: 
 Come and teach this fond A-mint-yffle, 
 Leaue the game as hee began. 
 
 Come thou hither my friend fo pretty. 
 All riding on a Hobby-Horfe : 
 15 Either make thy f elf e more witty: 
 Or againe renew thy force: 
 
 J Come and decke his browes with baies, \ 
 I That deferues immortall praife. S 
 
 B 2 
 
 Sonnet, V. 
 
 [75] 
 
Sonnet. V. 
 
 j^Mend thy Jiile who can: who can amend thy Jtile ? 
 
 Forjweet conceit. 
 
 Alas the while^ 
 That euer anyjuch^ as thou fhouldji die. 
 
 By fortunes guile, 
 
 Amids thy meate. 
 Pardon {Oh pardon) me that cannot fliew. 
 
 My "zealous hue. 
 
 Yet [halt thou proue. 
 That I will euer write in thy behoue : 
 
 Gainjl any dare. 
 
 With thee compare. 
 It is not Hodge-poke nor his fellow deare. 
 
 That I doe feare : 
 
 As /hall appeare. 
 But him alone that is the Mufes owne. 
 
 And eke my friend, 
 
 Whome to the end. 
 My mufe muH euer honor and adore : 
 
 15 
 
 [76] 
 
Doe what I can. 
 
 To praife the many 
 It is impofsible for me that am^ 
 
 So far behinde. 
 5 Yet is my minde, 
 
 As forward as the beB, if wit Jo would 
 
 With will agree. 
 
 Butfince I fee. 
 
 It will not bee : 
 10 I am content, my folly to confejfe: 
 
 And pardon craue. 
 
 Which if I haue, 
 My Fortunes greater than my former fall : 
 
 I muji confejfe. 
 
 15 
 
 But if he other wife ejleeme of me. 
 Than as a friend or one that honors thee: 
 Then is my labor loji, my care confumde. 
 . Becauje I hate the hope, that Jo prejumde 
 
 B2> 
 
 Sonnet, VI. 
 
 [77] 
 
Sonnet, VI. 
 
 O^ Tel-tales tell my mufcy 
 
 ofjuch as hue to lie: 
 
 Offuch as vje, for to abuje, 
 
 their friends and no caufe why. 
 Offuch and none butfuch^ 
 
 My pen fliall write his pleafure : 
 And them at large I meane to tuch. 
 
 When I haue time and leafure. 
 My rime is rude^ what then ? 
 
 Yet will it feme the tume : 
 To notefiefuch wicked men., 
 
 As doe deferue to bume. 
 As doe deferue to bume f aid I ? 
 
 Nay worfe : that ought to feele. 
 The raging force and crueltie : 
 
 Of old Ixions wheele. 
 
 But leaji I Jhould this mourning Mufe retaine : 
 lie fall into an other kinde ofvaine. 
 
 10 
 
 15 
 
 Sonnet, VII 
 
 [78] 
 
Sonnet, Vll. 
 
 "J^ hough perchance itfeeme to/ome but a toy and a trifle, 
 Seeme to/ome in vaine, to befiowe but a part of an houre. 
 
 In penning Poemes : in hoiiring him with a Poeme. 
 
 Yet I appeale to the pen ofpierelejje Poet Amyntas, (tas, 
 
 5 Matchles Amintas minde, to the minde of Matchles Amin- 
 
 Sweete bonny Phillis hue, to the hue offweete bonny Phillis, 
 
 Whether pen, or minde, or hue, of Phillis Amintas 
 
 L.oue, or minde, or pen, of pen-hue-minder Amintas; 
 
 Thinke of him (perhaps) asfome doe thinke o/" Amintas; 
 lo Oh that I might be hude, o/" Phillis huer: Amintas. 
 
 Oh that I might be thought, as I thinke of Phillis; Amintas. 
 
 Oh that I might be iudgde as I iudge of Phillis : Amintas ; 
 
 Then would I neuer care for fuch ba/e beggarly make-bookes 
 
 That in ueigh againft the dead, like deadly maligners. 
 15 What if he were a man, as bad or worfe than a Hel-hound? 
 
 As fliall I thinke that he was as bad or worfe than a Hel-hound? 
 
 Yet it ill became fweete miudes to haunt in Auernus ; 
 
 I// became fuch Qutes, to barke at a poore filly carcas 
 
 Some had caufe to mone, and moume, ^ murmur againfl him : 
 20 Others none at all, yet none at all,fo againB him. 
 
 For myfelfe 1 wijfh, that none had written againfl him 
 
 But fuch men which had iufl caufe ihaue wrtten againfl him. 
 
 Sonnet. V\\\. 
 
 [79] 
 
Sonnet, VIII. 
 
 MKf^ ^/«f place to my mone, and mone giue plate to my muftng: 
 One for an others caufe, and one for cauje of an other. 
 Firjl to behold him dead: laB to behold him aliue. {taines. 
 And thou Shepheards Swaine, that keepes thy/heepe by the moun- 
 (Mountaines) of Sicily, andfweet Arcadian Iland^ 6 
 
 Oh Meliboeus ; leaue. Oh leaue any more to be mourning. 
 For though his Art bee dead, yet fhall it euer abide: 
 Euer abide, to the end: light, as a light to the refi. 
 Rejl that haue wrot of hue: and the delights of a louer. 
 But by thejweete confent, o/Pan and Marfias of/pringe. lo 
 
 Sweet confent of a Siiintfo fweet, of a Fowie an a foule one 
 Greenes but afoolifli man: andfuch as him doe defend. 
 Yet will I euer write both to defend and offend: 
 For to defend his friends, and to offend his foes. 
 
 Sonnet, IX. 
 
 [80] 
 
Sonnet, IX. 
 
 QReene, is the pleafing ObieSt of an eie : {him. 
 
 Greene, pleajde the eies of all that lookt vppon 
 Greene, is the ground of euerie Painters die : 
 Greene, gaue the ground., to all that wrote vpon him. 
 5 Nay more the men, thatfo Eclipjl his fame : 
 Purloynde his Plumes, can they deny the fame ? 
 
 Ah could my Mufe, old Maltaes Poet pajfe, 
 (If any Mufe could paffe, old Maltaes Poet) 
 Then fliould his name hefet in fhining braffe, 
 10 In fiiining braffe fir all the world to /how it. 
 That little children, not as yet begotten 
 Might royallize his fame when he is rotten, j 
 
 But f nee my Mufe begins to vaile hir wings, 
 And flutter low vpon the lowly Earth : 
 15 As one thatfugred Sonnets, feldome flnges, 
 
 C 
 
 "Except 
 
 H 
 
 [81] 
 
Except the found offadnes, more than mirthy 
 To tell the worth ofjuch a worthy man : 
 Ik leaue it vnto tho/e, that better can. 
 
 Now may thy Joule againe, goe take his rejl 
 (His plea/ant reft) in tho/e eternall ioyes 
 Where burning Tapers^ ftn.ll attend the bleft 
 To light, and lighten them from all annoy es. 
 Goe then poore Poet, Hue and neuer die : 
 Euer, yet neuerbut in miferie. 
 
 And as I came into the world vnknowne, 
 Monde with compaffion, of thy piteous plaint : 
 So will I now againe, myfelfe goe mone. 
 That durB prefume, thy praife in verfe to paint. 
 And if the Mufes pardon, mine fo weake : 
 Ipajfe not of a pin, what others fpeake. 
 
 lO 
 
 15 
 
 Sonnet. X. 
 
 [82 J 
 
Sonnet, X. 
 
 A Catalogue of certaine of 
 
 his Bookes. 
 
 QAmilla/or the firft and fecond part. 
 
 The Card of Fancie, and his TuUies loue. 
 
 His Nunquam Sera, and his Nightingale. 
 
 His Spanifti Mafquerado, and his Change. 
 5 His Menaphon, and Metamorphofis. 
 
 His Orpharion, and the Denmarke King. 
 
 His Cenfure, and his Loues Tritameron. 
 
 His Difputation, and the Death of him, 
 
 That makes all England fliedjo many teares : 
 lo ^)jd many more that I haue neuer feene 
 
 May witnes well vnto the world his wit, 
 Had he Jo well, as well applied it. 
 
 Sonnet, XI. 
 
 [83] 
 
Sonnet, XL 
 
 'SjyjHen my loathed life, had loB the light of Olimpus, 
 
 And de/cended downe, to the curfed caues o/"Auernus, 
 Neuer more had I thought, of men to be inlie molefted. 
 
 But now alas, I fee my hope is vaine : 
 
 My pleafure turned, to etemall paine. 5 
 
 For fuch fooli/h men, as I had neuer abufed: 
 Neuer abufed alas, yet alas, had euer abufed: 
 Euer abufed fo, becaufefo neuer abufed. 
 
 Not onelyfeeke to quench my kindled glorie. 
 
 But alfo for to marre my vertues Borie. 10 
 
 And though my life were lewd. Oh how itgrieues me to thinke it. 
 Lewd as a life might be, from all good counfell abandond: 
 And giuen ouer vp, to the out caftfenfe of aftnner. 
 
 Yet might my end, haue moud them to remorce: 
 
 And not to reake their teene, onfillie corfe. 15 
 
 Sonnet, XII. 
 
 [84] 
 
Sonnet, XII. 
 
 pather of Heauen, for thy mercies meekenes, 
 
 And thy fweete Sonnes fake, ChriB the redeemer. 
 Pardon, Oh pardon, finfuU offender. 
 Lord I befeech him. 
 
 5 And though his age, here on earth were a loathfome 
 Pudddle of filthynes, inly poluted. 
 With all abufe, that can be deuifed, 
 Yet was his ending ; 
 
 Ending a myrrour, of a man molefted, 
 10 One ouer-whelmed with his iniquities, 
 And to be holpen alone by the lejus 
 Sauiour of all men. 
 
 C3 
 
 Sonnet. XIII. 
 
 £85] 
 
Sonnet, XIII. 
 
 A/weete Prater to the Trinitie by R. S and vfed of 
 R. G. at the injlant of his death. 
 
 'pRinity blefled, Deitie coequall, 
 
 Vnitie facred, God one eke in efTence, 
 Yeeld to thy feruant pittifuUy calling 
 
 Merciful! hearing. 
 Vertuous liuing, did I long relinguifh, 
 Thy will and precpts miferably fcorning, 
 Graunt to me, finfull patient, repenting, 
 
 Healthfull amendment. 
 Bleffed I iudge him, that in heart is healed, 
 Curfed I know him, that in health is harmed. 
 Thy Phificke therefore to me, wretch vnhappie. 
 
 Send my Redeemer. 
 Glorie to God the Father, and his onelie Sonne, 
 The Protestor of vs Earthie finners 
 Thy facred Spirit, laborours refrefhing. 
 
 Still be renowmed. Amen7~ 
 
 »5 
 
 Sonnet, XIIII. 
 
 [86] 
 
Sonnet, XIIII. 
 
 An other Poeme, borrowed of the fame learned 
 Gentleman R. S. R. G.fpeaketh. 
 
 LOrd, my dryrie foes, why doe they multiply? 
 Me for to ruinate, fundry be couetous. 
 
 Him ftiildes not the Godhead, fundry fay to my Soule. 
 
 Th'art Lord moft vigilant, wholy my fuccorer, 
 5 And in thee all my ftayinge, fhall be harboured : 
 
 Th'art my moft valiant vidtorie glorious. 
 
 To our Z-ord lowd I cried : from holy place heard he me. 
 
 In graue new buried, fcarce haue I flumbred : 
 
 I rofe to life againe, through God his holines. 
 lo I feare not furious multitude, Infinite, 
 
 With compafle labouring, my body for to catch. 
 
 Rife Lord omnipotent, helpe me, my champion, 
 
 Lord, thy deare radiant, righteous equitie. 
 
 Hath fquifde all my foes, falfely me ranfaking. 
 15 Our Lord participiates, fafetie with happines: 
 
 ^th gifts, heauenly Godhead, thy people amply blefle. 
 
 Amen. 
 FINIS. 
 
 [87] 
 
NOTES. 
 
 p. 3. I. Gregory Coolle\ There are several references to this person in the 
 State Papers, where his name appears as Cole. In 1586 he is mentioned, in 
 a list of Irish claimants, as having a debt to collect for ' my Lady of Sussex ' 
 (see Calendar of State Papers, Irish, 1 586-8, p. 126, also pp. 65, 104, 1 45). 
 Later he became implicated in the affairs of Sir John Perrot, lord deputy of 
 Ireland. In 1 588 Perrot had been summoned to London to answer certain 
 accusations touching his loyalty, which included charges of having spoken dis- 
 respectfully of the Queen. Among those to whom he had made disloyal 
 remarks was Cole, who had, however, kept them to himself, and not reported 
 them as he should have done. For this we can hardly blame him, seeing 
 that Perrot had threatened to break his neck if he gave him away, and was just 
 the man to carry out his threat. Nevertheless, Cole was imprisoned, and he 
 was still a prisoner at Dublin in October, 1592 {Cal. of S. P., Irish, 1592-6, 
 p. 2). In the following month, however, his release was ordered by the 
 Privy Council (Acts of the P. C, New Ser., xxiii. 312). In a paper of the 
 year 1 596, giving a survey of the English Pale, Cole appears as ' of Clonard '. 
 I have not been able to find any later allusion to him. From the reference in 
 11. 4-5 to his ' chaste Chamber at Dublyne ', it looks as if the writer of 
 Greene's News did not know of his release. 
 
 2. Clonarde^ On the Boyne, Upper Moyfenrath, co. Meath. 
 26-8. Sprits . . . fpoken •vnto~\ Cf. Hamlet, I. i. 45. It may be re- 
 marked that the notion seems to belong rather to popular than to learned 
 demonology. 
 
 5. I. fiue-finger\ the five of trumps in the game called ' maw ' ; cf. N.E.D. 
 and Middleton's Family of Love, v. iii. 14I. 
 
 2. a tale . . . of an A[fe\ The tale seems to refer to the conduct of 
 Sir John Perrot as lord deputy of Ireland. He was notorious for his 
 arrogance and assumption of autocratic power. The words ' that rauifhed a 
 Church of her lyuings', in 11. 35—6, may allude to his proposal to turn 
 St. Patrick's Cathedral in Dublin into a court-house, and apply its revenues 
 to the erection of colleges. See D. N. B, 
 
 7. 21. Quoth I to your freend~\ I suppose that More's Dialogue of the 
 Veneration and Worship of Images is meant. This is in the form of a report, 
 sent by More to a friend of his, of a conversation between More and a young 
 man who had come to him with a letter of introduction from the friend. 
 Hence expressions such as ' quod your friend ', ' said your friend ', &c., are of 
 frequent occurrence. The Utopia and the Supplication of Souls need no 
 remark. 
 
 [m] [ 89 ] 
 
Notes. 
 
 9. 7. Veluet breeches . . . Cloth breeches] It is perhaps unnecessary to 
 remark that these are the chief characters of Greene's Quip for an Upstart 
 Courtier, one of the most popular of his tracts. 
 
 12. 15-16.] Perhaps suggested by Cornelius Agrippa, De Vanitate 
 Scientiarum, cap. 81, where the author remarks on the correspondence 
 between the ' cruell and greedy beastes ' depicted in coats of arms and the 
 way their bearers attained to their position. 
 
 15. ig-20. for the holding -op of S. Peters chayre\ Alluding probably to 
 the extremely rapid succession of Popes at this time, there being four from 
 1590 to 1592. 
 
 18. 37, &c. King Henry the thyrd] The story is told, with some slight 
 variations, of William II by WilHam of Malmesbury and the chroniclers who 
 followed him (Holinshed, ed. 1807-8, ii. 46; Stow, ed. 1615, p. 128). 
 The servant did not return and say that there were no more expensive hose 
 to be got. He brought the king a cheaper pair than the first, and told him 
 that they cost a mark, ' and then was he well satisfied, and said ; Yea marie, 
 these are more fit for a king to weare, and so drew them vpon his legs.' 
 
 21. 20. trujly Roger] Apparently a jesting name for a servant, perhaps 
 especially an unfaithful one, cf. Nashe's Have -with you to Sajron-Walden, 
 sig. D 3'. 
 
 24. 1 4. in the roiu] Goldsmith's Row was on the south side of Cheapside. 
 For a number of notices of it, see Harrison's Description of England, ed. 
 Fumivall, pt. ii. pp. 4*-6*. 
 
 25. 1 9. by] The use of ' by ' is strange, but probably not a misprint. 
 Such phrases as ' saying it by my man ', i.e. referring to, or meaning, my man, 
 are quite usual. 
 
 27. 22. of his ivords] I cannot explain the precise force of this phrase. 
 Can it be a sort of abbreviated form of some such expression as ' surreverence 
 of his words', and mean, 'with all respect to what he said' ? 
 
 31. 4-5. {Good . . . me)] The Elizabethans often used parentheses as we 
 now use quotation marks ; cf. 1. 1 6 below, also Cluh Law, ed. Moore Smith, 
 1. 505, and ^\\\'ig\'iii% Defence of the Answer, 1574, p. 714 — to take two 
 examples at random. 
 
 44. 19, &c. Knotue then that I was a Myller, ^c] The story of the 
 miller which follows is of considerable antiquity. The earliest form of it 
 known to me is to be found in the Roman du Meunier d'Arleux by the 
 troubadour poet Enguerrand d'Oisi (ed. by Francisque Michel, Paris, 1833). 
 Here the story is on the whole very much as it is given here, but the episode 
 of the breakfast does not occur, and more is made of the quarrel between the 
 miller and his man as to whether the promised reward should be paid or not. 
 The story is also to be found in the Facetiae of Poggio, under the title of 
 Quinque 0-va. Here it is very briefly told, but the breakfast is an important 
 part of it, while nothing is said about the quarrel between the miller and his 
 man. The idea is used in a quite different setting in the ninth story of the 
 
 [ 90] 
 
Notes. 
 
 Cent nouvelles Nouvelles, to Wright's note on which I owe my knowledge of 
 Enguerrard d'Oisi's version. 
 
 47- 4-5. Cats in the darke . . . all gray\ Proverbial. Quoted in N. E. D. 
 from J. Heywood's Prov. and Ep'tgr. (1562), 'When all candels be out, all 
 cats be grey.' 
 
 26-7. the Miller . . . roome] A story from the Chronicles, relating to 
 the western rebellion of 1 549 : ' At the same time, & neere the same place 
 [Bodmin] dwelled a miller that had beene a great dooer in that rebeUion, for 
 whom also sir Anthonie Kingston sought : but the miller being thereof 
 warned, called a good tall fellow that he had to his seruant, and said vnto 
 him : I haue businesse to go from home, if anie therefore come to aske for 
 me, sale thou art the owner of the mill and the man for whonie they shall so 
 aske, and that thou hast kept this mill for the space of three yeares, but in no 
 wise name me. The seruant promised his maister so to doo. And shortlie 
 after came sir Anthonie Kingston to the millers house, and calling for the 
 miller, the seruant came forth, and answered that he was the miller. How 
 long, quoth sir Anthonie, hast thou kept this mill ? he answered three yeares. 
 Well then said he, come on, thou must go with me, and caused his men to 
 laie hands on him, and to bring him to the next tree, saieng to him ; Thou 
 hast beene a busie knaue, and therefore here shait thou hang. Then cried the 
 fellow out, and said that he was not the miller, but the millers man. Well 
 then, said sir Anthonie, thou art a false knaue to be in two tales, therefore 
 said he, hang him vp : and so incontinentlie hanged he was in deed. After he 
 was dead, one that was present, told sir Anthonie ; Suerlie sir this was but the 
 millers man. What then said he, could he euer haue doone his maister better 
 seruice than to hang for him.' (Holinshed, Chron., ed. 1807-8, iii. 925-6.) 
 
 48. 16. kindly] ? well; cf. A Countercuffe to Martin Junior, sig. A3, 
 ' play thou the knaue kindly as thou hast begun.' 
 
 58. lO-I I. eat anddrinke the Jinnes of the ignorant people] Perhaps alluding 
 to the saying of sumners that they live upon the sins of the people ; cf. Nashe's 
 Pierce Penilesse (Works, ed. McKerrow, i. 216. 16-17 and note). 
 
 1 4. ra/yng] I cannot explain this word. It might be 'resing', i.e. 
 assault, but the only instances of the word given in N.E. D. date from 1 3 87, 
 and the verb 'rese' is not recorded to occur after 1 495. Can it mean 
 making a ' rising ' or rebellion ? 
 
 20. deuilles Chappell] The phrase perhaps conies from the saying 
 ' where Christ hath his Church, the Devil will have his Chapel ', cf Nashe, 
 Works, ii. 40. 3—4 and note. 
 
 24-7] Collier {Bibliographical Account, ii. 255) notes that the 'old 
 song' referred to was probably Elderton's ballad. The Panges of Lo-ve and 
 Lovers Fittes, printed by Richard Lant in 1559, as a broadside, which con- 
 tains these lines : — 
 
 ' If this be true, as trewe it was. 
 
 Lady, Lady, 
 Why should not I serve you, alas, 
 My deare Lady ? ' 
 
 [ 91 1 
 
Notes. 
 
 It was reprinted by Collier in his Old Ballads (Percy Society, vol. i), 
 pp. 25-8, The refrain 'Lady, ladie . . . My deare Lady' also occurs in 
 alternate verses of a song in the interlude of Horestes, ed. Brand! in Quellen, 
 pp. 513-15, and again, as Mr. Crawford has pointed out to me, in a poem in 
 C. Robinson's Handful of Pleasant Delights, ed, Arber, pp. 25-6. 
 
 61. 13. bugges] i.e. ? goblins. The use of the verb 'crawling' suggests 
 that the author may have known the word in the sense of ' insect,' but the 
 earliest example of any such meaning in A'^. E. D. dates from 1 622. 
 
 71. II. Guy, or Guyons fomeivhat leffe] The line is rather obscure, and 
 I am not sure who are meant by Guy and Guyon. The usual ' Guy ' is of 
 course Guy of Warwick, but he does not seem to have been specially famed 
 for courtesy. Can Guyon be Gawain ? Guy and Gawain are mentioned 
 together by Skelton twice (see Works, ed. Dyce, i. 70, 1 1 9), and the colloca- 
 tion of names may have been customary. 
 
 79. 4. pkrelejfe Poet Amyntas^ Presumably Thomas Watson, the author 
 of the Latin poem Amyntas, is meant, and not Abraham Fraunce, the trans- 
 lator of that poem into English, though the fact that the author seems here to 
 be imitating Fraunce's English hexameters may render the point a little 
 uncertain. 
 
 81. 6. Purloynde his Plumes\ Possibly, but not certainly, an allusion to the 
 well-known passage in Greene s Groats-worth of Wit about the ' vpstart Crow 
 beautified with our feathers ', which is taken to be an attack on Shakespeare. 
 7. old Maltaes Poet'\ I do not know who is meant. 
 15. sugred Sonnet s'\ Evidence that the phrase was a current one, and that 
 Meres did not mean to attribute any special excellence to Shakespeare's sonnets 
 by calling them ' sugred '. 
 
 83. 3. Numquam Sera] i.e. Greene's Never too late, 1590. 
 
 3. Nightingale'] i.e. Philomela, the Lady Fitzwater's Nightingale, 1 592, 
 
 4. Change] i.e. The Royal Exchange, 1 590. 
 
 5. Metamorphofis] i.e. Alcida, Greene's Metamorphosis, 1617 (? first ed. 
 1588). 
 
 6. Denmarle King] i.e. Arbasto, the Anatomy of Fortune, 1 594. 
 
 7. Cen/ure] i.e. Euphues his Censure to Philantus, I 587. 
 
 8. Di/putation] i.e. A Disputation between a He cony-catcher and a She 
 cony-catcher, 1592. 
 
 8-9. Death . . . teares] i.e. A Maidens Dream, -vpon the death of . . . 
 Sir Christopher Halt on, 1 591. 
 
 86. I, &C.J From the Psalms appended to Richard Stanyhurst's translation 
 of the first four books of the Aeneid (ed. Arber, p. 133). Correctly quoted 
 save that ' Sonne ' in 1. 13 should stand at the beginning of 1. 1 4, and ' Thy ' 
 in 1. 15 is in Arber's text ' Thee '. 
 
 87. I, &c.] From the Psalms as above, ed. Arber, pp. 1 30-1. I. 5, shal 
 be stil harbored ; I. 8, (astfor scarce ; 1. 13, cleere ybr deare ; 1. 1 5, participats. 
 
 [ 93 ] 
 
INDEX. 
 
 The ivords are g'fven in modern ipelling, except luhen there is some reason for 
 keeping the old. 
 
 addition, title, 29. i. 
 
 altogether, a mess of, 4. 22-3. 
 
 Amyntas, 75. 9 ; 79. 4. 
 
 and if, 28. 9. 
 
 appointed with, provided ivith, 30. 34. 
 
 as, that, 25. 3. 
 
 aver, 'i justify {oneself), 11. 5. 
 
 baseles manes, 10. 3. 
 
 be, aux. -vb. (for ' liave '), ' was followed,' 
 
 10. 12. 
 beaten (gamester), experienced, 46. 34. 
 blabber (lip), sivollen, 27. 34. 
 bob, blozu, 9. 13. 
 
 bodies, bodice, bodices, 30. 32 ) 43. 21. 
 bothome, bottom, 38. 19. 
 bowed, bent, 32, 13. 
 \>r3.yery,Jine dress, 26. 26. 
 bugs {see note), 61. 13: ' — words,' 
 
 35. 16. 
 bumbasting, ^a</ii'«^, 43. 22. 
 buttery, spirit of the, 61.4. 
 by, '>{see note), 25, 19. 
 
 cack, "void excrement, 35. 14. 
 
 cakebread, 35. 1-2. 
 
 cast, trick, 32. 2. 
 
 cz\.e,food, dainty, 46. i. 
 
 cats, in the dark all are grey, 47. 4-5. 
 
 cheapen, 23. 12, 17. 
 
 Cheapside, 19. 25; 20. 6. 
 
 cheat, booty, 20. 33 ; 34. 2. 
 
 children, ' happy are those children 
 
 whose father goes to the devil,' 61. 
 
 23-4. 
 ch.\xS-];midsd.,fat-headed, 54. 26. 
 clap hands (on a bargain), 48. 17-18. 
 Clonard, 3. 2. 
 Cloth-breeches, 9. 7, &c. 
 clubs, cry, 59. 4. 
 codpisse point, 32. 6. 
 
 [ 
 
 Cole, see Coolie. 
 Colinet, 75. 4. 
 Commens, 58. 32-3. 
 commodity, advantage, 38. 17. 
 conge, salutation, 13. 35. 
 constrained (courage), 3. 28. 
 cony-catchers, terms used by, 17. 
 
 18-19. 
 Coolie, Gregory, 3. i. 
 cooson, -age, -ers, cozen &'c., 26, 9, 
 
 23 ; 60. 10. 
 corrasive, 57. 37. 
 cossoning, cozening, 17. 34. 
 Countei", a prison, 26. 7, 28. 
 erased, cracked {slightly), 25, 26. 
 cut, dog, 79. 18, 
 cut, new, fashion, 43. 19. 
 
 dainty (to be found), difficult, 53. 18. 
 Danter, John, 67. 4 ; 69. 22. 
 dazzle, t'ntr., 13. 18 : trans., 39. 12. 
 decorum, to keep a, 38. 15. 
 delay oS, postpone, 46. 37. 
 denay, deny, 4. 4; 18. 34 ; 34. 2. 
 devil's chapel, 58. 20. 
 doubleting, } material for doublets, 22. 
 
 28. 
 drawn (of time), 'i approached, 33. 6. 
 Dublin, 3. 5; 57. 16. 
 
 ears, together by the, 9. 1-2. 
 embasing, degradation, 55. 7. 
 expulsive, jA., 12. 3. 
 
 Fanchurch Street, 20. 23. 
 
 fardle, bundle, 43. 2, 7. 
 
 fashion, luorkmanship, making, 24. 17. 
 
 feather, birds of the same, 20. 9. 
 
 featly, skilfully, 46. 17. 
 
 fillet (of an army), living, 55. 35-6. 
 
 fina.tWe, fnal, 42. 33, 
 
 93 ] 
 
Index. 
 
 finger, ' pick out at one's fingers' ends,' 
 to disco-ver {by ones own ingenuity), 
 45- 28-9. 
 
 fire-fork, 59. 6. 
 
 firisled, /r/zzf </, 43. 36. 
 
 five-finger, a card in the game ' maiv ', 
 
 5- I- 
 fling (of a horse), -vb., gallop, 53. 37. 
 floent,^«raf, 71. 10. 
 foot, ' to take the measure of one's,' 
 
 45. 28. 
 freated, fretted, 50. 33-4. 
 frunte, \ affront, attack, 30. 36. 
 fulsom,_/af, iivoUen, 54. 27. 
 {yrmeiitie, frumenty, 34. 25. 
 
 gadding, ivandering, 73. 13. 
 
 garden, see guards. 
 
 garishly, 51. 30, 
 
 gaule, ^a//, Jore, 51. 
 
 gaze, in a, 54. 14 : 'taken the gaze on 
 us,' 38. 31. 
 
 glooming, ^-/ooOTj/, 38. ig. 
 
 gobbet, piece, 60. 18. 
 
 goblin-led, 39. 5. 
 
 Goldsmith's row, 24. 14 ; 25. 30. 
 
 Graties Street, Gracechurch St., 20. 
 21-2; 23. 34. 
 
 Greene, R. : his books of Cony-catch- 
 ing, 17. 7-8 : his Farewell to Folly, 
 II. 31 : his Groatiworth of Wit, 11. 
 37 : his Never too Late, 12. 29 : his 
 Quip for an Upstart Courtier alluded 
 to, 9. 6-10 : various works men- 
 tioned, 83. 
 
 grow, 'to grow into comparisons,' 10. 
 25-6. 
 
 grisly, 3. 20. 
 
 grist, corn to be ground, 44. 22. 
 
 guards, ornamental edgings, 43. 20. 
 
 Guy, 71. II. 
 
 Guyon, 71. 11. 
 
 haggish, diabolical, 58. 17. 
 
 heart, next one's, on an empty stomach, 
 
 36. 13 ; 50. 2. 
 Henry III : his hose, 18. 37, &c. 
 Hildebrand, Pope, 55. 35. 
 Hodge-poke, 76. 13. 
 Holy Lamb, Agnus Dei, 40. 34. 
 horn-plague, 51. 19, 29. 
 horse, great, charger, 18. 28. 
 hospitality, decay of, 11. 17-21. 
 
 [ 94 
 
 I faith, 28. 8. 
 
 imbeiseled, diminished, wanting, 53. 
 
 II. 
 imbroyders, embroideries, 43. 20. 
 inconsiderate, unadvised, careless, 11. 
 
 2-3. 
 inconsideration, want of care, 9. 31. 
 Indies, large sums for Spain from the, 
 
 24. 28-9. 
 indifferency, imparciality, 18. 9. 
 ingredience, ingredient, 36. 18-19. 
 I per se I, 7. 5. 
 Ireland, 3. 5 ; 57. 5. 
 
 jealous, suspicious, 14. 10. 
 Jesuits, 7. 27-8; 53. 26; 57. 15. 
 
 kindly, 'i cleverly, 48. 16. 
 
 laps, ' light into the laps of,' fall into 
 
 the power of, 17. 24. 
 Legenda Aurea, 7. 19—20. 
 lenify, mitigate, 13. i. 
 let, vb,, omit, fail, i,'j. 17. 
 let, sb., opposition, 42. 11. 
 load, lay on, beat violently, 9. 3. 
 lug (by the ears), 9. 14. 
 
 make-book, 79. 13. 
 
 malipart, 10. 25. 
 
 Malta's Poet, 81. 7, 8. 
 
 marriage, bridegroom waits at table 
 
 at a, 34. 29-31. 
 massing priest, 57. 15-16. 
 maw, a card game, 4. 37. 
 may-pole, 30. 16. 
 Meliboeus, 80. 6. 
 mess of cream, some form of junket, 
 
 32. 18. 
 mete-yard, measure, 36. 9, 25. 
 minced pies, 34. 25. 
 More, Sir T. : various works of his 
 
 mentioned, 7. 21-3. 
 mystlin, maslin, mixed grain, esp. rye 
 
 and nxiheat, 4. 25. 
 
 ne, nor, 73. 15, 16. 
 nemo sine briberi "vivit, 42. 30. 
 nicety, coyness, 46. 31. 
 non-resident clergy, 63, 23. 
 
 ] 
 
Index. 
 
 occasions, business, 44. 4. 
 
 of, off, 41. 29; 60. 17. 
 
 of, on, 17. 37; 28. 31; 31. 9, 11; 32. 
 
 18. 
 out, 'full out ten years,' 40. 18. 
 
 Pancredge (Church), St. Pancras, 3. 9. 
 
 parcels {pi c\<A\i), pieces, 23. 21. 
 
 parle, to enter, 13. 37. 
 
 pass with, \put upiuith, or ^.accompany, 
 13.6. 
 
 pat,_/5f, apt, 47. 22, 
 
 Paul's, St., serving men's advertise- 
 ments on the West Door of, 20. 
 25-6. 
 
 pelting, /a/;ry, 4. 34. 
 
 penner, fen-case, 17. 26. 
 
 peradventure, without all, 57. 10. 
 
 Perrot, Sir J., probable allusion to, 5. 
 2, &c. 
 
 Phyllis, 79. 6, &c. 
 
 Pie-corner, 3. 9. 
 
 pin, 'passnot of a pin,' care not, 82. 15. 
 
 pinckeny, small eye, 31. 27. 
 
 pitch, sb., 'i flight, 20. 8. 
 
 pitch (a price), offer, 23. 3. 
 
 platform, ^/on, 56. 24. 
 
 platted, t plaited, 43. 37. 
 
 platted, /ilc«f4 57- 3- 
 
 polled (sheep), hornless, 31. i. 
 
 pommell, •vb., 59. 2. 
 
 pompious, /low/iowj, 55. 22. 
 
 ponttficalibus, in his, 55. 19. 
 
 pop (a question), 31. 18. 
 
 porter's lodge (as a prison), 9. 26. 
 
 post (for advertisements of books, 
 &c.), 4. 7. 
 
 potato roots, 50. 1-2. 
 
 poulde, see polled. 
 
 pretence, intention, plan, 46. 16. 
 
 proportion, by, 43. 37: 'in any pro- 
 portion of battle,' 55. 25. 
 
 puny, novice, 46. 33. 
 
 quyllities, quibbles, 61. 27. 
 
 rasing, ? {see note), 58. 14. 
 
 red lattice (of an ale-house), S. 31. 
 
 Rhemish Testament, 7. 25. 
 
 Rigour, 51.3. 
 
 ring-leader, 30. 15-16. 
 
 Robin Goodfellow, 61. 9. 
 
 Roger, Trusty, 21. 20. 
 
 roll, tress of hair {false), 43. 18, 36. 
 run on the score, 30. 11. 
 
 seam, grease {used for dressing ivool), 
 
 32. 34. 
 seminary, priest, 7. 28 ; 39. 36-7 ; 53. 
 
 26 ; 57. 15. 
 set, ruffs of the new, 43. 19. 
 shift oneself, change one's clothes, 2 1. 
 
 II. 
 Silk Stockings, 20. 14, &c. 
 skarred, scared, 6. 3. 
 skipjack, 20. 12. 
 skrike, shriek, 42. 34. 
 snarled, caught, 9. 18. 
 spice-cakes, 32. 21-2. 
 spirits, cannot speak until spoken to, 
 
 3. 26-8. 
 spoon meat, 35. 24. 
 squaddy, 1 thick-set, 54. 3. 
 squisde, squeezed, crushed, 87. 14. 
 Stanyhurst, R., 86 ; 87. 
 stickler, umpire, 9. 8. 
 stomach, ' my stomach swelled against 
 
 him,' I greiu angry, 10. 15-16. 
 stond (of ale), stand, cask, 30. 22. 
 subintelligitur, 29. 22. 
 sugared sonnets, 81. 15. 
 summer lord, leader of May-games, 30. 
 
 17- 
 swasher, bully, 60. 9. 
 
 taffita, double turffed, ? tuftaffaty, n 
 fabric ivith a velvety pile arranged 
 in tufts or spots, 22. 32. 
 
 take up (a quarrel), compose, 59. 37. 
 
 Tarlton, Dick, 58. 22. 
 
 teen, sorroiu, 84. 15. 
 
 temper, out of, (of a mill,) 45. 1, 21. 
 
 terrestial, terrestrial, 7. 15 ; 51. 4. 
 
 toot, peer, 38. 22. 
 
 Tormoyle Street, ? Turnbull Street, 8, 
 31-2. 
 
 truss, bundle, 43. 2. 
 
 truth, ' speak a truth,' 19. 35. 
 
 turffed, see taffita. 
 
 Tyburn, 56. 22. 
 
 underlaying, ? lining, 43. 22. 
 up, 'he up with his fist,' 58. 37. 
 
 velvet, three piled, 22. 29. 
 Velvet Breeches, 9. 7, &c. 
 
 [ 95 ] 
 
Index. 
 
 ventosity, 35. 25. 
 
 verdingale, fartMngale, 43. 21. 
 
 walk (of fists), i/i., 59. 3. 
 
 waster, cudgel, 37. 9. 
 
 way, 'take the way of,' 10. 31. 
 
 wedding, see marriage. 
 
 weehee, 34. 5. 
 
 weights, gold, 25. 24. 
 
 Westminster Hall, 17, 14; 54. 9; 61. 
 
 25. 
 wink, ' trust not an old queen if she 
 
 once begins to wink,' 45. 33. 
 wittol, 51. 32. 
 
 yerwhiles, ereiuhile, a little while ago, 
 9- 37' 
 
 Oxford : Horace Hart, Printer to the University