MARRIAGE andPAKENTHOOD 
 
 THE C ATHOLI C IDEAL 
 
 .il ThoMAS J.Gerrard jjf" 
 
 ^'¥1 
 
 m 
 
G-37 
 
 CORNELL 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 FROM 
 
 4n on. -/moils 
 
The original of tliis bool< is in 
 tine Cornell University Library. 
 
 There are no known copyright restrictions in 
 the United States on the use of the text. 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/cu31 924021 851 526 
 
Cornell University Library 
 HQ 734.G37 
 
 Marriage and parenthood the Cathol^^^^ 
 
 3 1924 021 851 526 
 
Marriage and Parenthood 
 
A YOUNG 
 WOMAN'S PROBLEMS 
 
 Counsels to Young Girls on the Threshold of Life 
 By the Rev. P. A. HALPIN 
 
 Handsomely Bound iv Cloth, Net 60 C<ints 
 (By Mail, Postpaid, 70 Cents) 
 These suggestions, coming from the pen of a master- 
 giiide, will be warmly welcomed by young women and 
 all those who realize the important part which woman 
 fills in the uplifting of the race and in the development 
 of Christian civilization. 
 
 WORLDLY WISDOM 
 
 FOR THE CATHOLIC YOUTH 
 
 Counsels for Young Men on a 
 
 Christian Rule of Life 
 
 By MENTOR 
 
 Handsome Paper Cover, Net 35 Cents 
 (By Mail, Postpaid, 40 Cents) 
 
 On the Threshold of Life. Faith, the Foundation of 
 a Moral Life. The Chief Aims of Youth. A Pur- 
 pose — Choosing a Life Work. Health — Its Value. 
 Self-Control. Industry vs. Idleness. A Good Name. 
 Companions. Popular Amusements. Temperance in 
 all Things. "The Christian Youth, the Future Head 
 of the Christian Family. 
 
 JOSEPH F. WAGNER 
 
 PUBLISHER 
 9 BARCLAY STREET, NEW YORK 
 
MARRIAGE AND 
 PARENTHOOD 
 
 €i^e Catl^oUc 3Deat 
 
 BY THE 
 
 REV. THOMAS J. GERRARD 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 "CORDS OF ADAM," "THE WAYFARER'S VISION," ETC. 
 
 JOSEPH F. WAGNER 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
REMIGIUS LAFORT, S. T. h. 
 
 Cinsor 
 
 imfximnim 
 
 *JOHN M. FARLEY, D.D. 
 
 Archbishop of Nttu York 
 
 Niw Youc, Jamitaiit 19, 191 1 
 
 /j(^;^^oy7 
 
 Copjright, 191 1, by JoszrH F. Wachu, New York 
 
 THE UNIVEMITY PRESS, CAMBRIDGE, U.S.A. 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 Page 
 
 Introduction i 
 
 Chapter 
 
 I. Institution and Puepose 7 
 
 II. The Sanctity of Marriage .... 18 
 
 III. Choice of a State 31 
 
 IV. Choice of a Mate 43 
 
 V. Mixed Marriages 58 
 
 VI. Between Husband and Wife ... 69 
 
 VII. Conjugal Restraint 82 
 
 VIII. Before and After Childbirth ... 95 
 
 IX. The Blessings of Many Children . 107 
 
 X. Between Parents and Children . . 121 
 
 XI. Sexual Instruction for the Young 139 
 
 XII. Catholic Education 152 
 
 Xin. The Catholic Family 168 
 
NOTE iTO REVISED EDITION 
 
 I BEG to express my grateful acknowledgments 
 to the large number of clergy, medical men, and 
 parents who have so kindly favored me with most 
 valuable criticisms and suggestions. And I de- 
 sire to make special mention of Surgeon-General 
 Maunsell, C.B., who as President of the Guild of 
 Sts. Luke, Cosmas, and Damian, has been able 
 to secure for me such a wealth of expert opinion. 
 Here and there I have been unable to follow even 
 a very weighty authority, not, however, because I 
 set my own judgment against it, but because it 
 appears to me to be outweighed by a consensus of 
 equally grave authorities. Some few ideas, too, 
 I have decided to omit as pertaining rather to an- 
 other book which I have in preparation on the 
 attitude of the Church towards the Eugenic 
 movement. 
 
 The Author. 
 
Marriage and Parenthood 
 Cl^e €ati)olic 9lDeal 
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 A MAN thinks he Is very clever if he can make an 
 aeroplane. Thousands of other men think he is 
 a genius if he can fly over the Alps, even though 
 at the end of the journey he break his neck. But 
 these are paltry trifles compared with the work 
 of training a soul for the kingdom of God. Such 
 a task needs the genius of the Catholic Church. 
 
 Amongst her many helps for this purpose not 
 the least important is the Sacrament of marriage. 
 The ideal which she holds before the world and 
 the power which she gives for the realizing of 
 such ideal stand out as the chief hope for the 
 salvation of modern society. On every side we 
 see influences at work which tend to break up the 
 family and consequently to break up society. The 
 increase of divorce, the falling off in the birth- 
 rate, the spread of the white slave traffic, — these 
 
2 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 are a few of the more obvious symptoms which 
 follow upon a low ideal of the marriage bond. 
 
 That there is something wrong is admitted on 
 all hands, as is proved by the attempts to mend 
 matters. The Divorce Commission at present sit- 
 ting in London is an evidence of such unrest. The 
 formation of the Eugenics Education Society is 
 another. In these movements, however, the Cath- 
 olic student detects a lack of the knowledge of 
 foundation principles. Most of the remedies pro- 
 posed are a tinkering with the symptom rather 
 than a treatment of the root cause. 
 
 Here and there, however, the value of the Cath- 
 olic ideal asserts itself. Thus, for instance, in the 
 evidence before the Divorce Commission, Sir John 
 Bigham, then President of the Divorce Court, 
 said: " My experience shows me that members 
 of the Roman Catholic Church seldom come to 
 our court, and I attribute that fact to the great 
 influence of their priesthood, and to the respect 
 which is inculcated amongst Roman Catholics for 
 the marriage vow." 
 
 Another witness, Dr. Glynn Whittle, of Liver- 
 pool, bore magnificent testimony to the fidelity of 
 the Catholic poor. Speaking as he did in favor 
 of divorce, there was a double weight in his 
 words. He said he had questioned countless poor 
 
INTRODUCTION 3 
 
 women, victims of habitual cruelty, as to whether 
 they would avail themselves of divorce if they 
 could get it. The answers had been most impres- 
 sive. Protestants said "Yes"; Roman Catholics 
 said " No." He could not recall a single Protes- 
 tant exception. 
 
 What is the cause of this grand steadfastness 
 amongst Catholics and of weak changeableness 
 amongst their Protestant neighbors? A member 
 of the Council of the Eugenics Society shall make 
 answer. Writing in a London journal^ he says: 
 " Marriage, like other natural and necessary rela- 
 tions, is sacred. Only in Catholicism is it a Sacra- 
 ment; in scientific sociology the term is meaning- 
 less. . . . Protestantism will have none of it. 
 The Reformation, in this as in other points a 
 revolt from Catholicism, expressly declared that 
 marriage Is not a Sacrament, that It is essentially 
 a secular matter." 
 
 For the present disastrous state of affairs, then, 
 we have to thank the system which for three hun- 
 dred years has proclaimed the denial that mar- 
 riage Is a Sacrament. But, as we have seen, the 
 leaven of truth is still working. The preaching 
 and the practice of the sacramental Ideal with all 
 its Implications is to be the leaven of the whole 
 
 1 Daily Dispatch, Nov. n, 191a 
 
4 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 mass. To promote and foster this ideal is the aim 
 of the following pages. 
 
 It is also hoped that a re-statement of the Cath- 
 olic ideal, in the face of modern ideals to the 
 contrary, will tend to increase the happiness of 
 Catholic family life. We cannot shut our eyes to 
 the many failures. In all cases they are due cither 
 to ignorance of the ideal or to a refusal of its 
 graces. They may be traced largely to the fact 
 that false views of marriage and parenthood do 
 make their way into Catholic homes. These 
 views concern the most intimate, the most delicate, 
 and the most sacred marriage relationships. The 
 protective modesty, so natural to a good con- 
 science, has been can;ied too far, and false doc- 
 trine has been able to make headway simply be- 
 cause the true was not present to resist it. 
 
 Now reticence in these matters is a very strong 
 protection against temptation. But there is some 
 knowledge which we must have. Some people 
 require more, others can do with less. I acknowl- 
 edge that I have found the greatest difficulty In 
 deciding what must be left out of this book. What 
 has been retained has been retained by advice of 
 authority much more competent than myself. If 
 knowledge in these matters is needful then that 
 knowledge must be acquired and we must trust to 
 
INTRODUCTION 5 
 
 grace to keep us from abusing it. No less an 
 authority than St. Clement of Alexandria has 
 said: " Be not ashamed to know what God was 
 not ashamed to make." 
 
 Let it be admitted at once that isolated points 
 of this doctrine may seem harsh and unkind to the 
 individual. At the same time let it be remembered 
 that the Church is an expert in human nature and 
 that by her divine guidance she can see further 
 than the individual. When under her direction 
 the larger vision has been gained, when through 
 painful experience the lesson has been learnt, then 
 will Mother Church be discovered to be right 
 after all. What a man loses as an individual, 
 through keeping the Church's laws, he gains as a 
 member of a world-wide society; what he loses in 
 a portion of life he gains in the whole of life, yea 
 a thousandfold In the life eternal. 
 
 The Church guards a divine ideal, — that is 
 why she is always right. A nation's decadence 
 consists not so much In the actual lowering of its 
 moral life, as in the lowering of its ideal. If it 
 preserves its ideal there Is hope of Its resurrec- 
 tion. But if it calls good bad and bad good, then 
 its doom is sealed. 
 
 I have to acknowledge my Indebtedness to Dr. 
 Gideon W. B. Marsh, Fellow of the Royal So- 
 
6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 ciety of Medicine, and Vice-President of the Guild 
 of Sts. Luke, Cosmas, and Damian, for valuable 
 suggestions regarding the medical side of the sub- 
 ject. I have tried to avoid all topics that do not 
 involve moral principles. These must be sought 
 elsewhere. Unfortunately many books, most ex- 
 cellent from the medical and nursing point of 
 view, contain directions, here and there, contrary 
 to Catholic principles. If they are to be used with- 
 out harm, therefore, they must be read with cau- 
 tion and duly corrected according to the reader's 
 knowledge of the Catholic ideal. 
 
 Thomas J. Gerrard. 
 
 New Hall, Chelmsfokd, 
 Fetist of the Nativity, 1910. 
 
CHAPTER I 
 
 INSTITUTION AND PURPOSE 
 
 One of the most remarkable phenomena of the 
 social life of the new century is the movement 
 among womankind for a readjustment of the rela- 
 tions between man and woman. The movement 
 affects all spheres of life. It makes most noise in 
 the sphere of politics. But as the affairs of the 
 State have their root in the affairs of the family, 
 it is to the family that we must look for the cause 
 of the disturbance. There would seem to be some- 
 thing wrong with many of the current ideas con- 
 cerning the relationship between husband and wife. 
 The fact indeed is that in many quarters the Cath- 
 olic ideal of the great Sacrament of matrimony 
 has become obscured. The protective love of the 
 husband toward the wife has been changed into a 
 tyrannical overlordship. The loving acquiescence 
 in that protection on the part of the wife has been 
 construed into a servile obedience. The outrage 
 on both nature and grace has rendered the mutual 
 Life irksome beyond endurance, and consequently 
 
8 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 ideas have become prevalent which tell both 
 against the sanctity of the marriage state, and 
 against the indissolubility of its bond. Let us see 
 then what the Church has to say about this won- 
 drous mystery. 
 
 The very institution of marriage has its reason 
 in the weakness and insufficiency of man. God, 
 although supremely happy in the company of His 
 own blessed Trinity, had willed to exercise His 
 love outside Himself. He had willed to produce 
 a created world in which there should be one class 
 of creatures bearing His own likeness. 
 
 After separating the night from the day, and 
 the land from the water, after making the fishes 
 of the sea, the fowls of the air, and the cattle of 
 the earth, He made man to rule over the earth. 
 He made man a reasonable being, capable of giv- 
 ing a reasonable service. But even with all the 
 delights of that paradise of pleasure, with all his 
 unimpaired intelligence and power of ordaining 
 things for God's glory, man by himself was not 
 enough for God's purpose. There were parts in 
 God's great design which man by himself could 
 not accomplish. He was wanting in both physical, 
 mental, and moral complements. So God said: 
 " It is not good for man to be alone : let us make 
 him a help like unto himself." So God cast Adam 
 
INSTITUTION AND PURPOSE 9 
 
 into a deep sleep, took a rib from his side from 
 which He built a woman. And when God brought 
 the woman to the man, then did Adam say: " This 
 now is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: 
 she shall be called woman because she was taken 
 out of man. Wherefore a man shall leave father 
 and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they 
 shall be two in one flesh." Having been thus 
 made for each other and united to each other, they 
 then received the message of God as to the end 
 for which all these things had been arranged. 
 " Increase and multiply, and fill the earth and sub- 
 due it." 
 
 The formation of Adam and Eve and their 
 union in the matrimonial bond had, however, a 
 very much wider significance than the mere multi- 
 plication of human beings and the replenishment 
 of the earth. God, when He created them, had 
 also in His mind His own Incarnation and His 
 Church. The institution of matrimony was to be 
 a kind of prophecy of His Incarnation and a figure 
 of His Church. As Adam was made weak so 
 that Eve might be given to him to be his strength, 
 so the Son of God became weak, emptying Him- 
 self of Himself so that He might take upon Him- 
 self the form of a servant and, clothed in flesh, 
 might accomplish the strong victory over sin and 
 
10 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 death. As Eve was taken from the side of Adam 
 as he slept, and became the mother of all living, 
 so was the Church taken from the side of Christ 
 as He slept upon the Cross, and became for Him 
 His chosen spouse, the Mother of all those to 
 whom He had come to give life. 
 
 The state of marriage, therefore, as reflected 
 in the mysteries of the Incarnation and the Church 
 is seen to have the high function not only of pro- 
 creating human beings to replenish the earth, but 
 also of training them in the higher life of grace 
 and thus preparing them for the still higher life 
 of glory. Christ came into the world solely to 
 save sinners. The end of the Church is merely the 
 salvation of souls. If, therefore, matrimony is a 
 figure of the Incarnation and the Church, then its 
 chief end is the population of heaven with immor- 
 tal souls. 
 
 Seeing, then, that the chief end of matrimony 
 is so high and noble, the means ordained for the 
 accomplishment of that end must be proportion- 
 ately high and noble. And so we find that nature 
 has provided such means. These may be summed 
 up in the two properties of marriage, its unity and 
 its indissolubility. 
 
 And if we would probe further into the mystery 
 and find the common source of these properties of 
 
INSTITUTION AND PURPOSE ii 
 
 marriage we discern it in that all-attractive beauty 
 of the state, conjugal love. The mere procreation 
 of children could not possibly be the end of matri- 
 mony; for this could be done without the bond, 
 without the unity, without the perpetuity, without 
 the love. Manifestly, then, the chief reason for 
 the institution of matrimony was the welfare of the 
 offspring, not merely the existence of the offspring, 
 but its growth and development, the promotion of 
 all its interests. Therefore it was that God so 
 made man and woman that they should love each 
 other, that they should foster that love and con- 
 centrate it on each other by excluding all other 
 love of the same kind, that they should make it so 
 strong and lasting that only death should be able 
 to bring about a breach of the union. 
 
 All this points to the fact that the marriage bond 
 is a law of nature. It is a mutual agreement by 
 which a man and a woman give themselves to each 
 other until death, and this chiefly for the sake of 
 the highest Interest of the children which shall be 
 born to them. 
 
 Its natural perfection, however, in course of 
 time became corrupted. Impurity then, even as 
 now, led to hardness of heart. Consequently 
 Moses allowed divorce. The Pharisees, knowing 
 this, brought it as an objection to Our Lord's 
 
12 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 teaching. Our Lord, however, was able to quote 
 an earlier and more fundamental law. " Have ye 
 not read that He who made man from the begin- 
 ning, made them male and female? And He said: 
 For this cause shall a man leave father and 
 mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall 
 be two in one flesh." Moses had taken into con- 
 sideration the hardness of their hearts and for the 
 sake of preventing greater evils had permitted them 
 to put away their wives. " But," Our Lord re- 
 minded them, " from the beginning it was not so." 
 In this, as in many other matters, God had a 
 greater design in view. He desired to provide a 
 remedy for all this irregular life by raising the 
 natural state of marriage to a supernatural plane. 
 Forbidding divorce and insisting on the essential 
 unity and indissolubility of the marriage tie, Christ 
 raised it to the dignity of a Sacrament. Thus it 
 became a more perfect figure of the Incarnation 
 and the Church. Through the union of the God- 
 head and the Manhood, Christ in His human 
 nature was filled with all grace and knowledge 
 compatible with His created nature. Through the 
 union of Christ with the Church, the Church is 
 sanctified as His one perfect and unspotted bride. 
 So likewise through the union of man and woman 
 in the Sacrament of matrimony, there is conferred 
 
INSTITUTION AND PURPOSE 13 
 
 on them all the graces needful to enable them to 
 carry out the arduous duties of that state. " Hus- 
 bands," says St. Paul, " love your wives, as Christ 
 also loved the Church, and delivered Himself up 
 for it, that He might sanctify it, cleansing it by the 
 laver of water in the word of life. ... So also 
 ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. 
 He that loveth his wife loveth himself. This is a 
 great Sacrament; but I speak in Christ and in the 
 Church." 
 
 When St. Paul speaks of marriage being a great 
 Sacrament he does not use the word in the strict 
 sense in which we use it now. He means merely 
 that it is a great sign of something sacred, a mys- 
 tical s3mibol of the union between Christ and His 
 Church. Nevertheless, on account of the similar- 
 ity of the marriage bond to the bond between 
 Christ and His Church, we are able to gather that 
 marriage is a Sacrament in the strictest sense of 
 the word. The union between Christ and His 
 Church consists of sanctifying grace. It consists 
 further of a continual flow of all those graces 
 which are needful for attaining the Church's end, 
 namely, the salvation of all the souls for whom 
 the Church was instituted. If, therefore, the mar- 
 riage bond is like the bond between Christ and His 
 Church, it must be the means by which graces 
 
14 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 sanctifying the marriage state are conferred. A 
 Sacrament of the new law is a sacred sign insti- 
 tuted by Christ to signify and to confer grace. If, 
 therefore, the marriage bond signifies and confers 
 the graces needful for the marriage state, and if 
 instituted by Christ, then it is one of the seven 
 Sacraments of the new law. So it was then that 
 Christ placed His divine seal on the natural contract 
 and with His own lips proclaimed it henceforth to 
 be a bond forged in heaven. " What, therefore, 
 God hath joined together let no man put asunder." 
 From the fact that Christ raised the natural 
 contract into a Sacrament, it follows that the 
 parties to the contract are the ministers of the 
 Sacrament. It is the man and woman who hand 
 themselves over to each other making a mutual con- 
 tract to live together till death. It is the man and 
 woman, therefore, who confer on each other the 
 Sacrament enabling them to fulfil the higher duties 
 which are involved in the Christian married state. 
 The priest is not the minister of the Sacrament, 
 but only the witness of it. Our late Holy Father, 
 Pope Leo XIII, emphasized this when he insisted 
 that the contract and the Sacrament were not two 
 separate things. " The distinction, or rather sep- 
 aration," he said, " cannot be approved of; since 
 It is clear that in Christian matrimony the contract 
 
INSTITUTION AND PURPOSE 15 
 
 IS not separable from the Sacrament, and conse- 
 quently that a true and lawful contract cannot exist 
 without being by that very fact a Sacrament. For 
 Christ Our Lord endowed matrimony with the 
 sacramental dignity ; but matrimony is the contract 
 itself, provided that the contract Is rightly made. 
 , . . Therefore, It Is plain that every true mar- 
 riage among Christians is In itself and by Itself a 
 Sacrament; and that nothing Is further from the 
 truth than that the Sacrament is a sort of added 
 ornament or quality Introduced from without, 
 which may be detached from the contract at the 
 discretion of man." ^ If, therefore, the Sacrament 
 Is the mutual contract. It Is the woman, who, as 
 God's minister, confers on the man those soul 
 beauties which make him a figure of Christ, the 
 bridegroom of the Church; and so likewise is It 
 the man who, as God's minister, confers on the 
 woman those soul beauties, which make her a 
 figure of the Church, the bride of Christ. Hus- 
 band and wife are thus seen to be the complement: 
 of each other In their supernatural, as well as In, 
 their natural, relationships. 
 
 It Is well to keep this supernatural aspect of the 
 case prominently before our minds when we con- 
 sider the duties and obligations of the state. The 
 
 ' Leo XIII, Encyc. Arcanum, 
 
1 6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 end for which marriage was instituted was a most 
 difficult end to attain. Indeed, it were an impos- 
 sible task without the special divine helps provided. 
 Remembering these helps, however, the married 
 couple may face their difficulties with a good heart. 
 The sacramental effect of matrimony does not 
 spend itself out within a week or two of the nup- 
 tial ceremony. The grace conferred on the wed- 
 ding morning remains with them when they leave 
 the church, remains with them in their home life, 
 fortifies them in their discouragements, and steels 
 their wills to the emergencies of every difficult 
 situation. 
 
 The Church then, having made this clear to 
 them, sets aside all false modesty and tells them 
 in grave and plain language what their duties are. 
 The first duty is the bringing of children into the 
 world and the educating of them in the service of 
 God; the second duty is mutual love and service 
 in the companionship of domestic life. In the 
 nuptial Mass the priest solemnly prays over them 
 that they may be fruitful in their offspring and that 
 they may see their children's children unto the third 
 and fourth generation. And finally in his exhorta- 
 tion he warns them to be faithful to each other, 
 and to remain chaste at special times of prayer, 
 during the fasts and solemn seasons of the Church. 
 
INSTITUTION AND PURPOSE 17 
 
 Now all this involves much trouble and anxiety 
 both on the part of the husband and of the wife. 
 With the former lies the paramount obligation of 
 working for the sustenance of the household; with 
 the latter lie all the cares of child-bearing; with 
 both lies that anxiety for the temporal and spir- 
 itual well-being of each other and of the children. 
 " But if thou take a wife," says St. Paul, " thou 
 hast not sinned. But if a virgin marry, she hath 
 not sinned; nevertheless, such shall have tribula- 
 tion of the flesh." Those who enter this state, 
 therefore, should do so with their eyes wide open 
 to the fact that It is a life fraught with difficulty 
 and that both man and woman are supposed to be 
 willing to bear grave inconveniences. When a 
 man complains of his loss of liberty or the in- 
 creased burden on his pocket; or when a woman 
 complains of the troubles of children, there has 
 evidently been some radical misunderstanding as 
 to the end of the institution of marriage and of its 
 burdens. What is needed on those occasions is 
 the consideration that marriage is a Sacrament, — 
 a Sacrament which is a channel of divine strength 
 to bear the burden, of divine light to see the way 
 out of the difficulties, of divine refreshment for 
 the constant renewal of conjugal life and love. 
 
CHAPTER II 
 THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE 
 
 It is part of God's providence that when He sets 
 before us an end to be attained He provides us 
 also with the means of attaining that end. So in 
 the case of marriage, having ordained it for the 
 high purpose of preparing souls for heaven, God 
 has endowed it with qualities which make it an apt 
 instrument for the purpose for which it was insti- 
 tuted. These qualities are revealed in the truth 
 of Christ and the Church. Christ's Church was 
 to be one only, and it was to last until the end of 
 time. The bond of Christian marriage must like- 
 wise be one only and must last until broken by 
 death. Unity and perpetuity are the qualities 
 which make the marriage state specially fitted for 
 the great object of bringing children into the world, 
 of nourishing them in body, mind, and spirit, 
 of bringing them to the final perfection for which 
 man was created. If the bringing of children into 
 the world is attended with great pain and labor, 
 the bringing of their souls to perfection is attended 
 
THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE 19 
 
 with still greater pain and labor. It requires noth- 
 ing else than the united life and love of both 
 parents. 
 
 Now such is the nature of man and woman that 
 they cannot love effectually with a divided love. 
 Let either partner give the other the slightest cause 
 for jealousy and there is an end of that perfect 
 love and harmony in the family which is so needful 
 for the well-being of the children. The archtype 
 of perfect love is the mutual love of the three Per- 
 sons of the blessed Trinity. One of the fairest 
 created reflections of that love is the triple love 
 of family life, the love of husband, wife, and child. 
 It will brook no intrusion from without. It cannot 
 bear the prospect of it coming to an end. This is 
 a fundamental and universal law of nature, a law 
 of nature which is accentuated, ennobled, and 
 made perfect by a law of grace. The Sacrament 
 of matrimony implies a special divine sanction to 
 the laws of unity and perpetuity in the marriage 
 bond. 
 
 The need of the higher sanction and help is 
 seen from the passing nature of the merely natural 
 charms. The mere physical pleasures pass away 
 with their satisfaction. Youthful ardor burns out 
 before the mature part of life is reached. In the 
 course of a life so intimate as that of husband 
 
20 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 and wife many faults of character become exposed. 
 Marriage certainly brings a revelation of many 
 new beauties of character, but it also brings a rev- 
 elation of many faults of character. It is fraught 
 with disappointments even as with agreeable sur- 
 prises. The fading of bodily beauty also tends to 
 weaken the natural bond. When the hair turns 
 gray, and the eye loses its luster, and the features 
 fall into wrinkles ; when the general buoyancy and 
 ardor of youth tones down into the prose of middle 
 age; then indeed is there need of something more 
 sustaining, something more lasting than the mere 
 tie of natural affection or natural contract. It is 
 found in the unity and perpetuity of the Sacrament. 
 The Sacrament imparts all the courage, the en- 
 ergy, the refreshment, and the love needful to 
 make the bond strong and lasting. It renews the 
 youth of married life and makes it satisfying even 
 in spite of years. 
 
 The Church claims to have the care of this Sac- 
 rament. The Church, therefore, has ever insisted 
 on its unity and perpetuity. The Church regards 
 the sin of adultery as something infinitely more 
 heinous than any sin possible among the unmar- 
 ried. The father who has to provide for his chil- 
 dren must be certain that they are his own. He 
 cares for them only on the supposition that they 
 
THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE 21 
 
 are his offspring. Any infidelity, therefore, on the 
 part of the woman must of necessity tend to break 
 up these sacred family relationships. A father 
 cannot love and care for children who may be 
 those of the man who has done him the greatest 
 possible injury. And if a woman gives unswerv- 
 ing fidelity to her husband she has a right to claim 
 an equal fidelity in return. Infidelity on the part 
 of the man, although it does not act directly in 
 rendering the offspring of the family uncertain, 
 yet it strikes at the root of conjugal love, and thus 
 almost directly at the foundations of family life. 
 A violation of the sanctity of marriage then by 
 either party is a double violation of God's law, a 
 violation of chastity, and a violation of justice. 
 Hence, we have the most stringent laws against 
 adultery, against polygamy, and against divorce. 
 Among the Jews the penalty of adultery was 
 death by stoning. In the most savage races of the 
 earth its punishment is immediate death. The 
 law of Christ makes the law of nature and the law 
 of Moses more perfect. This it does by all the 
 conditions and rules which it lays down for the 
 prevention of polygamy and divorce. By polyg- 
 amy we usually understand the possession of two 
 wives at the same time. The possession of two 
 husbands at the same time is known as polyandry. 
 
22 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 Both are equally condemned by the Christian 
 law. 
 
 The cases of polygamy among the Jews are fre- 
 quently quoted by those who want an excuse for 
 disregarding the laws of Christian marriage. At- 
 tention must be paid to the circumstances of time 
 and race. If polygamy was permitted then it was 
 for a special reason. And the permission was 
 mere toleration. The circumstances of the times 
 required that it should be permitted in order to 
 avoid greater evils. Nevertheless, God did not 
 cease to give signs to His people as to what was 
 the great ideal. The most wondrous love song 
 ever sung by man was that inspired by the Holy 
 Spirit, the song of songs, which tells of the love 
 between one bridegroom and one bride, the love 
 which lasts till death. " One is my dove, my 
 perfect one is but one. ... I to my beloved and 
 my beloved to me, who feedest among the anem- 
 ones. . . . Put mc as a seal upon thy heart, as 
 a seal upon thy arm, for love is strong as death, 
 jealousy as hard as hell, the lamps thereof are fire 
 and flames. . . . My beloved to me and I to him 
 who feedeth among the lilies, till the day break 
 and the shadows flee away." So the young Tobias 
 could say to his wife Sara: " For we are the chil- 
 dren of saints, and we must not be joined together 
 
THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE 23 
 
 like heathens that know not God." In praying 
 to God for a blessing on his marriage he referred 
 back to its original conditions: "Thou madest 
 Adam of the slime of the earth, and gavest him 
 Eve for a helper. And now, Lord, thou knowest 
 that not for fleshly lust do I take my sister to wife, 
 but only for the love of posterity, in which Thy 
 name may be blessed forever and ever." And Sara 
 prayed with him: "Have mercy on us, and let us 
 grow old both together in health." 
 
 Further, the Church, although she insists that 
 the marriage bond lasts only till death, although 
 she allows remarriage after the death of one of 
 the partners, yet she looks upon such remarriage 
 as something less perfect. Her ideal is that a 
 marriage should be so distinctly one and perpetual 
 as to exclude any other marriage even after the 
 first has been dissolved by death. A marriage is 
 not merely a union of two In one flesh, but also of 
 two In one spirit. The more perfect thing, there- 
 fore, would be to consider the bond of love lasting 
 right through death. The reason why the Church 
 allows remarriage after the death of one of the 
 partners Is because there are other ends of matri- 
 mony besides mutual love. To give expression to 
 her wish, however, and to mark the distinction be- 
 tween the more perfect state and the less perfect 
 
24 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 state, the Church does not give the nuptial bless- 
 ing in cases where the bride is a widow if she has 
 received it in a previous marriage. She gives It 
 where the bride is being married for the first time, 
 even though the bridegroom be a widower. Hav- 
 ing regard to the dignity of the bride, the Church 
 in this case overlooks the defect in the bridegroom. 
 Her end is achieved by withholding the blessing 
 only in the case of the marriage of widows, as 
 stated above. 
 
 This brings us to the all-important question of 
 divorce. If both the natural and divine laws 
 maintain the unity and perpetuity of the marriage 
 bond, then no power on earth, not even the 
 Church, has power to grant a divorce. " What, 
 therefore, God hath joined together let no man put 
 asunder." Here, on the threshold of the question 
 it is necessary to make a clear distinction of terms. 
 
 When It Is said that no power on earth can grant 
 a divorce, divorce must be understood In a par- 
 ticular and strict sense of the word. Let us dis- 
 tinguish then between three kinds of separation. 
 First, there is a separation which implies that the 
 husband and wife are allowed to live apart. It is 
 called In juridical language a judicial separation. 
 It is called in theological language separatio a 
 mensa et thoro, or separation from bed and board. 
 
THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE 25 
 
 Its meaning is that, although the parties are sep- 
 arated from each other, yet they are not free to 
 marry again. If they were allowed to marry again 
 the separation would be said to be a vinculo, or 
 separation from the bond. The actual contract 
 or tie would be broken. Now the first kind of 
 separation is allowed by the Church whenever 
 there is a grave reason, such, for instance, as the 
 misconduct of one of the parties. But the second 
 kind the Church allows never. The bond which j 
 has been made by God may not be broken by man. / 
 One of the parties may forfeit certain rights of 
 marriage through infidelity to the partner, but can 
 never thereby acquire the freedom to marry again. 
 
 And further, the Church makes no distinction in 
 this respect between the innocent party and the 
 guilty. A bond is a bond, the contract is a two- 
 sided one, and, therefore, as long as the bond or 
 contract remains it must bind both the parties. 
 However unfair it may seem to the innocent party, 
 yet it is God's law and God will see to it that those 
 who observe His law, will, in the final balancing, 
 receive their just reward. 
 
 Then there is another kind of separation which 
 is frequently believed to be a divorce and which 
 is a source of much perplexity to Catholics and 
 non-Catholics alike. It is called a declaration of 
 
26 THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE 
 
 nullity. It means that that which has appeared to 
 be a marriage is declared never to have been a 
 marriage from the beginning. The parties have 
 gone through the ceremony, but there has been 
 some obstruction in the way which has prevented 
 the knot from being tied and so the supposed mar- 
 riage must be declared null and void. 
 
 Let us take an instance. A Jew married to a 
 baptized Christian wife seeks for a divorce in the 
 law courts. He is successful in his suit. Then 
 he becomes a Catholic, falls in love with a 
 Catholic girl, and wishes to be married to her 
 In the Catholic Church. There is no difficulty, 
 the Church approves of the marriage. What 
 has happened? The undlscerning public think 
 that the Church has approved of divorce and of 
 the remarriage of a divorced person. And if 
 the man happens to have been a wealthy Jew 
 the undiscerning public is not slow to attribute 
 unworthy motives to the Church. But again, 
 what has really happened? The Jew's first mar- 
 riage was really no marriage at all In the sight 
 of the Church. Baptism is the first Sacrament 
 and the door of the other Sacrament. The Jew 
 had not received the Sacrament of baptism and 
 so was Incapable of receiving the Sacrament of 
 marriage. And being unbaptized he was fur- 
 thermore Incapable of making the contract of 
 
THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE 27 
 
 making the contract of marriage, for the Sacra- 
 ment is the contract. Therefore, the marriage 
 which, by the law of the land, was declared to be 
 dissolved was by the law of the Church declared 
 never to have existed, to have been null and void 
 from the beginning. Consequently, when the Jew 
 became a Catholic and received the Sacrament of 
 baptism he was quite free and capable of uniting 
 himself with the partner of his choice. 
 
 There are three exceptions to the law of indis- 
 solubility. The first two concern marriages rati- 
 fied but not consummated. Such may be dis- 
 solved either by papal dispensation for some grave 
 reason, or by the solemn, religious profession of 
 one of the parties. The third is known as the 
 Pauline privilege. It may happen only in a mar- 
 riage between unbelievers, and this even when 
 consummated. If one of the parties is converted 
 to the Christian faith, and the other refuses to live 
 peaceably, or shows contempt for God and reli- 
 gion, or tries to pervert the faithful partner, then 
 the faithful one has a right to a real divorce 
 (I Cor. vll, 15). 
 
 Within these limitations the Church is abso- 
 lutely Inexorable against any attempt at separa- 
 tion from the bond. She has suffered the loss of 
 whole nations from the faith rather than sacrifice 
 
28 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 one jot or tittle of her principle. The care of the 
 Sacrament has been committed to her keeping, and 
 to have condoned a' denial of the sacramental na- 
 ture of the matrimonial bond, even in one case, 
 would have been to renounce the divine charge 
 given to her. For the English-speaking world the 
 Pope's firmness, in refusing to grant a divorce 
 to Henry VIII, must ever be a monument of the 
 fidelity of the Church to the sanctity of the mar- 
 riage state. And the famous Encyclical of the 
 late Sovereign Pontiff, Leo XIII, must ever re- 
 main the character of woman's dignity and safety 
 as to her marriage right. " The great evils," 
 wrote the Pontiff, " of which divorce is the spring 
 can hardly be enumerated. When the conjugal 
 bond loses its immutability we may expect to see 
 benevolence and affection destroyed between hus- 
 band and wife; an encouragement given to infi- 
 delity; the protection and education of children 
 rendered more difficult ; the germs of discord sown 
 between families; woman's dignity disowned; the 
 danger for her of seeing herself forsaken, after 
 having served as the instrument of man's passions. 
 And as nothing ruins families and destroys the 
 most powerful kingdoms like the corruption of 
 manners, it Is easy to see that divorce, which is 
 only begotten of the depraved manners of a 
 
THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE 29 
 
 people, is the worst enemy of families and of 
 States, and that it opens the door, as experience 
 attests, to the most vicious habits, both in private 
 and in public life." 
 
 Views subversive of the Catholic ideal are now 
 very prevalent, and are becoming day by day more 
 prevalent. In the matter of the sanctity of mar- 
 riage, as in many other things, it is the Catholics 
 who are the salt of the earth. Whilst other reli- 
 gious bodies are prepared to give way under any 
 specious pretext which may arise, the See of Peter 
 proclaims the principle of no compromise. And 
 when the Churches which ought to guard the sanc- 
 tity of marriage show themselves weak and accom- 
 modating to the lower pleasures of man, we must 
 not be surprised if non-religious bodies speak 
 openly in favor of divorce and, all unashamed, 
 make profession of free love. This, indeed, has 
 come to pass. 
 
 High time is It, then, for Catholics to make their 
 voice heard In protest. Nay, absolutely impera- 
 tive is It that Catholics should rally themselves 
 anew with even greater loyalty around the Holy 
 Father who watches the marriage Sacrament so 
 anxiously and sees its dangers so clearly. Legis- 
 lation is made which may be irksome ; but the irk- 
 someness thereby suffered is trifling compared with 
 
30 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 the irksomeness thereby avoided. Let us admit 
 boldly that the marriage state is fraught with diffi- 
 culties, that love is liable to grow cold, that child- 
 bearing is a burden, that the education of many 
 children is a tax on the family's resources, that a 
 drunken husband is an almost intolerable nuisance, 
 that a gossiping wife is a plague of a life ; let us 
 admit all this, but at the same time insist that the 
 Sacrament of marriage has power either to pre- 
 vent or mitigate the evils. It restrains the pas- 
 sions. But let the idea of divorce once get estab- 
 lished and there is an end of restraint. The pas- 
 sions are let loose and fall victim to every little 
 counter-attraction to family life. The half-hearted 
 partner who realizes that there is an easy escape 
 from the burden of married life makes no serious 
 attempt to bear it. Then comes the sad spectacle 
 of a mother left alone with a house full of children 
 and no father to provide for them; or what is 
 perhaps even more sad, a father with a house full 
 of children and no mother to take care of them. 
 The Church's laws may be hard to bear at times. 
 They are, however, as the yoke of Christ, sweet 
 and easy to bear, if only we spread them out over 
 the short run of life. 
 
CHAPTER III 
 
 CHOICE OF A STATE 
 
 How is it that nearly the whole of the creative 
 literature of the world has been made to center 
 round the young girl? How is it that love stories 
 about married people, widows, and widowers, 
 have such a prosaic savor and so often tend 
 towards degeneracy? It is because there is some- 
 thing mysterious in virginity. There is a power 
 hidden in the virgin mind which can change the 
 destinies of men, of nations, of the race. Shall 
 this power be divided, ministering to the procre- 
 ation of body and education of soul? Or shall it 
 renounce the carnal part and be devoted exclu- 
 sively to the care of the spirit? 
 
 These questions are very old, perhaps as old as 
 the human race itself; for there is some reason to 
 believe that the sins of our first parents had some- 
 thing to do with the vow of virginity. At any 
 rate we know that in the earliest Roman times the 
 problem faced the maidens of the family. Vesta 
 was the goddess of the hearth. But family wor- 
 
32 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 ship was not enough. A special sanctuary was 
 needed where all the citizens of the State could 
 worship as one great family. The goddess was 
 there represented by an eternal fire burning on her 
 hearth or altar. And virgins were set aside to 
 keep alive this fire. The goddess was chaste and 
 pure, as the fire symbolized. The virginity of the 
 priestesses both figured and realized that purity. 
 Thus, even in natural religion virginity was re- 
 garded as a higher type of spirit life. 
 
 When God became incarnate He added a higher 
 sanctity to virginity by choosing to be born of a 
 Virgin. By the same act too he raised the dig- 
 nity of motherhood. Both states of life were 
 needed for the perfection of His plans. Some 
 would be called to one state, others to the other. 
 Christ Himself declared that renunciation of mar- 
 riage was more blessed than fruition, provided it 
 was done for the kingdom of heaven's sake. Not 
 every one could receive that word, but he who 
 could, let him. 
 
 St. Paul applied this doctrine when he said: 
 " He that giveth his virgin in marriage doeth well, 
 and he that giveth her not doeth better." 
 
 In biblical language the term " virgin " includes 
 men as well as women. Thus St. John in the 
 Apocalypse says : " These are they who were not 
 
CHOICE OF A STATE 33 
 
 defiled with women: for they are virgins." In 
 modern language we speak of the men as celibates. 
 The Council of Trent uses both words in defining 
 that single blessedness is the higher gift. " If any- 
 one says that the married state is to be placed 
 before that of virginity or celibacy, and that it is 
 not a better and more blessed thing to remain in 
 virginity or celibacy than to be joined in matri- 
 mony, let him be anathema." 
 
 The virginity or celibacy here spoken of is not 
 necessarily that of the ecclesiastical or religious | 
 life. The Church recognizes three normal states j 
 of life: marriage, which is good; single blessed- 1 
 ness in the world, which is better; single blessed- { 
 ness in religion, which is best. 
 
 This does not mean however that the single life 
 is better for everybody, nor that the religious life 
 is the best for everybody. These states are only 
 good, better, and best, when regarded in them- 
 selves. If we look at them with regard to partic- 
 ular people, the order of good, better, and best 
 may be reversed. Indeed, for the vast majority 
 of people marriage is by far the best thing. The 
 single life In the world would maim them, and per- 
 haps life in religion would ruin them. Everything 
 depends on the Individual's circumstances, his tem- 
 perament, his health, his ability, his desires, above 
 
 3 
 
34 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 all his graces. This then is the problem with 
 which all young people are confronted: To what 
 state of life am I called? 
 
 Let us say at the outset that the solution is love. 
 
 But what is love? Its mystic nature defies an 
 exhaustive description. There is, however, a 
 simple definition which may be applied to every 
 kind of love. It is : To will good for some one. 
 This is the essence of love, whether of father, 
 mother, husband, wife, child, friend, or enemy. 
 It may be accompanied by the passion of affection 
 or by the passion of aversion. If I love my 
 mother, affection is also present. If I love my 
 enemy, aversion is probably present. I may feel 
 a dislike to a man, yet at the same time will to do 
 him good. 
 
 Further, love may be devoid, or almost devoid, 
 of passion. I may have a love for the religious 
 life, for instance, without having any affection for 
 it. I may see that only by entering religion shall 
 I be able to do the greatest good to my fellow 
 men. Even though I have an aversion for com- 
 mon life and loss of liberty, yet I may see in those 
 things my best chance of salvation and love them 
 accordingly. 
 
 In the choice of a state of life then the leading 
 question will be: Which state do I really love? 
 
CHOICE OF A STATE 35 
 
 Do I want to be married? Do I want to live 
 singly in the world and devote myself to a special 
 profession? Do I want to be a priest? Do I 
 want to be a nun? Above all, is my desire con- 
 stant, or do I waver between one thing and an- 
 other, never knowing my own mind? 
 
 Marriage will be the choice of most. It is the 
 state for which they are by nature fitted, and for 
 them the highest and most perfect life which they 
 can live. 
 
 In most cases the choice is settled by a chance 
 meeting and by the accident known as falling in 
 love. Mutual passion for each other is the pre- 
 dominant attractive force. If this passion is con- 
 sonant with reason and revelation then It is all 
 good and beautiful. If there are impediments to 
 the proposed marriage then the passion Is out of 
 place and must be checked. Passion cannot be 
 good If it has for its object that which tends to the 
 ruin of the end of marriage. But the Impediments 
 placed by God and by the Church are all arranged 
 to protect the end of marriage, and therefore pas- 
 sion must never seek to override them. 
 
 The case, however, often arises In which only 
 one of the pair feels the passion. What is the 
 other to do? Suppose it to be the girl, and sup- 
 pose her mind to be expressed by some such saying 
 
36 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 as this : " I like him, you know, but I cannot say 
 that I am in love with him." 
 
 There is need here to distinguish between love 
 and passion. Love is essentially an act of the 
 will ; passion is essentially a mere sensation. Let 
 us repeat, though, that the most perfect love for 
 married people is that in which the will is fired by 
 passion and in which the passion is controlled by 
 the will. But let us never forget that the lasting 
 element in such love is that of the will. Passion 
 burns out in time. 
 
 The girl then who Is in every way fitted for 
 marriage receives an offer from a young man who 
 is in many ways suitable. She feels that she can 
 honor and respect him, but hesitates about accept- 
 ing him because she does not feel in love. If she 
 is young and likely to have other chances she may 
 wait. But if she is likely to become an old maid 
 then she may fortify herself with the philosophical 
 distinction between love and passion. If she be- 
 lieves that the man will do all he can to make her 
 happy, and she is determined to do all she can to 
 make him happy, she will be well advised to marry 
 him. Good will is the real stuff of which love is 
 made, passion is but an added perfection. More- 
 over, the good will in such cases Invariably rouses 
 the passion before the days of courtship are ended. 
 
CHOICE OF A STATE 37 
 
 On the part of the man the doubt is hardly ever 
 as to whether he is in love or not, nor yet as to 
 whether he is called to marriage or the Church. 
 He usually knows quite well what he wants. He 
 doubts only his power of fulfilling the obligations 
 of the new state of life. 
 
 In regard to marriage he is afraid he cannot 
 afford to keep a wife. The number is growing 
 of those young men who abstain from marriage in 
 order that they may have the pleasure of trifling 
 luxuries. They prefer to be free for the joys of 
 cigarettes and billiards rather than undertake the 
 burden of marriage with its greater joys. Such a 
 choice is nothing but low, unworthy selfishness. 
 
 More important, however, is the case where the 
 young man finds the single life a constant tempta- 
 tion to impurity. Then must he seriously turn his 
 attention to marriage as to his salvation. " It is 
 better to marry than to burn." And it is best of 
 all to marry early, before bad habits are formed. 
 The number of unhappy homes, caused through 
 youthful indiscretion before marriage, is appall- 
 ing. It were better therefore to marry, even with 
 poverty in prospect, than to lead a .single life con- 
 tinually tempted and perhaps continually falling. 
 
 Vocations to the celibate life usually begin to 
 show themselves before the age adapted to mar- 
 
38 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 riage. Parents need to know that such a vocation 
 is a special gift of God. Its chief sign is a spon- 
 taneous and constant desire. Two dangers are 
 to be avoided. Parents must not force the idea 
 of the priesthood or of the cloister on their chil- 
 dren. Nor on the other hand must they suppress 
 it when it appears. Indeed, they will be on the 
 lookout for the signs of zeal and piety which ac- 
 company the desire, so that the vocation may have 
 every chance of coming to maturity. It is a great 
 privilege to be able to offer a child for the special 
 service of God. 
 
 There is a prevalent impression in many Cath- 
 olic families that there are only two callings for 
 girls, either to get married or to become a nun. 
 Now such is not Catholic teaching. There is an 
 impression too that the single state outside mar- 
 riage or religion is something lower than either. 
 Neither is that Catholic teaching. On this point 
 the Church is in full S3mipathy with the age. She 
 sanctions and encourages a career for certain 
 women in a life of single blessedness without the 
 cloistral vows. And more, she provides the means 
 in her Sacraments by which such a life is lived to 
 its highest perfection. 
 
 I think the origin of confusion in regard to the 
 Church's teaching comes from misunderstanding 
 
CHOICE OF A STATE 39 
 
 her practice as to the taking of vows. She strongly 
 discourages the taking of any vow, and especially 
 the vow of virginity, outside a religious order or 
 congregation. There is not the same protection 
 for it in the world as there is in religion. The Sac- 
 raments of Baptism, Confirmation, Penance, and 
 the Eucharist are all-powerful against the tempta- 
 tion to incontinency, but they are by no means 
 proof against the desire for the Sacrament of mat- 
 rimony. The practice of spiritual directors there- 
 fore is to recommend not a vow but a resolution. 
 
 Thus if a girl makes a resolution to lead a single 
 life outside religion, and afterwards receives an 
 offer of marriage which she wants to accept, then 
 there is no difficulty whatever in changing her 
 resolution. Whereas, if she were under a vow she 
 would have to make serious efforts to keep the 
 vow, and could only be dispensed from it on the 
 understanding that she could not possibly keep it. 
 
 If, however, this single life in the world be 
 adopted, it must be adopted for the kingdom of 
 heaven's sake. Nor does this mean that it must 
 be lived in continuous contemplation, or in con- 
 tinuous slumming. A certain amount of contem- 
 plative prayer will be included in it, and, if one has 
 time and opportunity, a certain amount of slum- 
 ming or similar charitable work will be helpful to 
 
40 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 it. What is meant, however, is that the life shall 
 be lived at least in a state of grace and that effort 
 shall be made towards spiritual perfection. 
 
 The renunciation of marriage implies power to 
 remain chaste, and involves the duty of availing 
 one's self of the means to do so. Religion is the 
 only reliable help. We carry our treasure in 
 frail vessels. The flesh lusteth against the spirit. 
 Therefore the spirit must be continually strength- 
 ened by renewed communion with the spirit world. 
 In marriage the flesh is to a certain extent satis- 
 fied. In virginity and celibacy the flesh is morti- 
 fied. And this mortification is sustained just in 
 proportion as the spirit satisfies its supernatural 
 longing for God. Regular Confession and Com- 
 munion therefore are the first normal conditions 
 of a chaste life outside the marriage state. 
 
 In the natural order the normal condition of 
 chastity is work. Rene Bazin, in his exquisite story, 
 " Redemption," draws a fine picture of a young 
 milliner who made her occupation a fascinating 
 and consoling joy. But she was an exception, and 
 ended, moreover, by taking the nun's veil. The 
 occupation of women in workshops does not of its 
 nature tend to keep them good. It is drab and 
 uninteresting. Marriage, therefore, is their hope. 
 And if they adopt the single life, either volun- 
 
CHOICE OF A STATE 41 
 
 tarily or in willing submission to necessity, their 
 hope lies almost solely in the regular use of the 
 other Sacraments. 
 
 The single life is more easily chosen by the 
 woman of the middle and upper-middle classes. 
 She can enter the learned professions. An expert 
 authority has said, though the statement has been 
 questioned, that from twenty to thirty per cent of 
 women are by temperament adapted to single life 
 in the world. Whatever the exact percentage may 
 be, it would seem to pertain to the normal state of 
 a healthy society that a certain number should be 
 free from the cares of a family, so as to be 
 able to take a more active and independent part 
 in the social and spiritual regeneration of the 
 community. 
 
 It is well, in these days, to insist upon this phase 
 of the Catholic ideal. Single blessedness, thus 
 sanctified by the Church, has a social as well as an 
 individual value. The restraint practiced in the 
 single life re-acts generally on the whole social 
 organism. It re-acts particularly on the marriage 
 state, strengthening it and keeping it pure. We 
 are all members one of another. The power of 
 self-conquest which virginity implies is bound to 
 tell in greater or less degree on every member of 
 society. 
 
42 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 I Let no one then despair of being unable to find 
 a vocation. Those who marry do well, for with- 
 out them neither the Church nor the world could 
 continue. Those who marry not do better, for 
 they sacrifice themselves for the whole spiritual 
 kingdom, bearing fruit to the extent of many souls. 
 If they do not choose this state spontaneously, 
 even so they can sanctify It by using It and dlrect- 
 ' ing It to the higher claims of the spirit. 
 
CHAPTER IV 
 
 CHOICE OF A MATE 
 
 That was a naive answer given by the little Irish 
 girl. Asked by the priest what was the way of 
 preparing for the Sacrament of matrimony, she 
 replied: " A little courting, your reverence." The 
 truth thereby unconsciously spoken needs to be well 
 spread abroad in these days. Courting time is a 
 preparation for a great Sacrament. 
 
 In speaking of this, even as of all other phases 
 of Christian life, there is need of much common 
 sense. On the one hand the young people who 
 have arrived at this interesting stage may be ex- 
 pected to take it seriously, but on the other hand 
 they must not be expected to deport themselves as 
 if they were preparing for a funeral. Company 
 keeping is one of the happiest times of life, and 
 if it is not attended with joy and brightness there 
 Is something wrong somewhere. At the outset, 
 then, let it be known to all parents that there is 
 nothing sinful in their grown-up children looking 
 for partners. Let it be known to all nuns that 
 
44 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 there is nothing wrong in big children of Mary 
 speaking tQ the young men of the congregation. 
 Let it be known to all young men and all young 
 maidens that the affair of courtship is not some- 
 thing to be ashamed of. Of its nature it involves 
 a certain amount of modesty and shyness. Still, 
 from its earliest signs and movements it is some- 
 thing which ought to be perfectly abovebdard, 
 known to father and mother, acknowledged in the 
 presence of the family. It is a preparation for a 
 great Sacrament, and its verve and joy and delight 
 can suffer no loss through being regulated by the 
 claims of religion. 
 
 Now, although falling in love is something 
 which ought to be controlled by reason, it is not 
 entirely an affair of the reason. It is primarily an 
 affair of the heart. If only such marriages took 
 place as were the result of clear reasoning and 
 mere reasoning from beginning to end, this would 
 become a very dull and uninteresting world, and 
 we might indeed have grave fears for the survival 
 of our race. 
 
 But In addition to reason, God has given man 
 and woman affection and love. The affection and 
 the love have reason to guide them, but their action 
 depends largely on their object. The light of in- 
 tellect in the man cannot make a woman's face 
 
CHOICE OF A MATE 45 
 
 look more beautiful. The light of intellect in a 
 woman cannot make a man's form look more 
 handsome. A case of real love between a man 
 and woman is beyond adequate explanation. A 
 man may love a woman for her good looks, for 
 her domestic virtues, for her intellectual endow- 
 ments; but the kind of love she likes best is that 
 when he is obliged to say: " I do not know why 
 I like you, I only know that I do." 
 
 So the problem to be solved by all young Cath- 
 olics is this : How are the claims of this mysteri- 
 ous and inexplicable love and afiection to be recon- 
 ciled with the claims of stern reason and sublime 
 religion? Let it not be supposed that these rival 
 claims are incompatible with each other. They all 
 come from one and the same Author, and so it is 
 only a question of adjustment. In order to make 
 this adjustment, then, both parents and children 
 should know what are the rules of the Church and 
 what are the rules of right reason. With this 
 double guiding light the young people may then 
 frequent such places and cultivate such company 
 as shall be likely to afford a fitting environ- 
 ment for the passion of love when it makes its 
 appearance. 
 
 The rules of the Church come first. Marriage 
 is a great Sacrament, and the Church, having the 
 
46 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 guardianship of all the Sacraments, claims the 
 right to say what is the best preparation for mar- 
 riage and what are the conditions under which it 
 may be contracted. She has a right to say what 
 conditions afiEect the validity, and what conditions 
 affect the lawfulness, of the contract. The contract 
 is the Sacrament, and, therefore, only the Church 
 can say what impediments render the contract un- 
 lawful, and what impediments render the contract 
 null and void. They will all be found to be emi- 
 nently practical and possessed of a special aptitude 
 to foster that pure and passionate love which the 
 young people value so highly. 
 
 The first qualification that a Catholic would look 
 for in a partner for life would be that the partner 
 should also be a Catholic. Mere acquaintances 
 feel that they have a common and lasting bond 
 between them if they are both Catholics. This 
 feeling must be indefinitely intensified between 
 two who are to live together in the intimate life 
 of holy matrimony. Indeed, the advantages of 
 such a condition, together with the evil conse- 
 quences following upon the neglect of it, need a 
 separate treatment. It will be sufficient here to 
 say that the Church regards the matter as of the 
 most vital importance. The impediment is classi- 
 fied, with two others, under the title of " Prohibi- 
 
CHOICE OF A MATE 47 
 
 t'lon of the Church." These two also will recom- 
 mend themselves as obviously conducive to the 
 safe-guarding of the Sacrament. The one is the 
 proclamation of the banns, by which each party is 
 protected against possible fraud or mistake. The 
 other is that which requires the consent of parents. 
 It is part of the solemn duty of parents to watch 
 over the children in an affair of great consequence. 
 And indeed parents, especially the mother, do 
 watch their children most anxiously. The law of 
 nature compels it, the law of the Church sanctions 
 it. With reason, then, does the Church oblige chil- 
 dren to consult their parents in the matter. Of 
 course, cases may and do arise in which the consent 
 of the parents is unjustly held back. Some parents 
 out of mere selfish love dislike to lose their chil- 
 dren, and act all regardless of the divine ordinance 
 that for the sake of matrimony a man shall leave 
 his father and mother. In case of dispute, how- 
 ever, the children will not go against the wishes 
 of their parents without first consulting their 
 confessor. 
 
 Again, since the Church regards marriage as a 
 great Sacrament, she encourages her children to 
 celebrate it with great pomp and festive joy. It 
 happens as a rule only once in a lifetime and, 
 therefore, is most fittingly accompanied with ban- 
 
48 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 quct and merry-making. All these things, how- 
 ever, would manifestly be out of place during 
 times S€t about for the more solemn religious exer- 
 cises. The Church ordains, therefore, that mar- 
 riages shall be discouraged during the seasons of 
 Advent and Lent; in Advent until the feast of the 
 Epiphany, in Lent until Low Sunday inclusive. 
 A marriage may, however, be permitted during 
 these times, but it must be celebrated without any 
 of that external display which would otherwise 
 be so fitting on such an occasion. 
 
 A third condition for a lawful marriage is that 
 neither party shall be engaged to any one else. 
 There are three points of view from which a pre- 
 vious engagement must be regarded. It has a per- 
 sonal aspect, a legal aspect, and an ecclesiastical 
 aspect. 
 
 No man of honor will enter into a new engage- 
 ment until he has been formally released from any 
 previous engagement in which he may have be- 
 come involved. It would, perhaps, be needless to 
 say that he ought not to make serious overtures 
 to another partner until he has been released by 
 the first; for, oftener than otherwise, it is the ap- 
 pearance of a new face which is the cause of dis- 
 satisfaction with the old one. A man in such a 
 predicament owes it both to himself, to his pre- 
 
CHOICE OF A MATE 49 
 
 vious partner, and to his prospective partner to 
 arrange an honorable settlement as soon as pos- 
 sible. The claims of society demand that neither 
 girl should be kept in a false position. The pre- 
 vious partner, too, may have legal rights to com- 
 pensation for breach of promise. 
 
 Then again there is the ecclesiastical aspect of 
 the matter. The law has recently been changed, 
 and henceforth only those engagements hold good 
 in ecclesiastical law which have been made in writ- 
 ing, signed by both parties and signed by the parish 
 priest or ordinary, or at least two witnesses. Of 
 course, couples may marry lawfully without such an 
 agreement in writing, but without such an agree- 
 m-ent the engagement will not be binding in con- 
 science or produce any canonical effect. It would 
 produce a legal effect and a social effect; it would 
 hold good in the eyes of the law of the country and 
 in the eyes of all respectable society. Nay, more, 
 although there would be no obligation to marry, 
 although the espousals were invalid, through want 
 of proper formality, still those invalid espousals 
 would render a person liable to all due restitution 
 or damages just as if they were valid. Thus the 
 Church protects the weaker party in two ways. 
 First, she gives the warning and protects young 
 people against imprudent engagements, — engage- 
 
 4 
 
50 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 ments entered into without deliberation, and under 
 circumstances when innocence and ignorance hin- 
 der the due consideration of the dignity of the Sac- 
 rament. Secondly, she obliges the guilty party to 
 make fitting restitution for all the material loss 
 which the innocent party may have suffered in 
 consequence. 
 
 Another impediment, similar to that of previous 
 betrothal, is the impedimental vows. Obviously, a 
 vow to do one thing is a hindrance to the making 
 of a vow to do something contrary. So rarely, 
 however, does this impediment arise that it may 
 be left for individual treatment. If there has been 
 a vow of any kind, the matter should be mentioned 
 to the confessor. 
 
 Further, there are a number of impediments 
 which not only render a marriage unlawful and 
 sinful, but also null and void. Let us clearly un- 
 derstand the difference between what is unlawful 
 and what is invalid. If I bum down my neigh- 
 bor's haystack, it is validly burnt down, for there 
 is no haystack left; but it is unlawfully burnt 
 down. My action is valid, but not lawful. If I 
 shoot at my neighbor in the dark and miss him, 
 my action is both unlawful and invalid. I have 
 intended to take my neighbor's life, but have failed 
 to do so. 
 
CHOICE OF A MATE 51 
 
 Likewise there may be certain attempts to get 
 married which, on account of certain impediments, 
 produce no effect. Such ceremonies are both un- 
 lawful and invalid. It is the duty of the priest to 
 inquire whether there be any such impediments 
 before he allows the celebration to take place. 
 Most of them are so rare as not to need public 
 treatment. 
 
 When the banns are published the faithful are 
 told that if they know of any impediment, either 
 of consanguinity, affinity, or spiritual relationship, 
 they are bound to declare the same as soon as pos- 
 sible. The impediment of spiritual relationship is 
 that which arises out of the Sacraments of Bap- 
 tism and Confirmation. The chances of this rela- 
 tionship are reduced to a minimum by the custom 
 of having a man as sponsor for the boys and a 
 woman as sponsor for the girls. 
 
 The two great diriment impediments, therefore, 
 which need to be carefully watched by young 
 people are the impediments of consanguinity and 
 affinity. Consanguinity is the connection of blood 
 relationship ; affinity is the connection of relation- 
 ship by marriage. The Church excludes marriages 
 between persons who may be related to each other 
 within certain degrees of relationship. She thus 
 forbids marriage between first, second, or third 
 
52 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 cousins ; and also between a man and his deceased 
 wife's sister. These are the more common cases 
 in which difficulty arises and which need to be care- 
 fully guarded against. In some of them, of 
 course, which are not involved in the primary law 
 of nature the Church may grant a dispensation. 
 Nevertheless, she regards them as evil, and only 
 grants dispensations in order to prevent greater 
 evils. The disastrous results of intermarriage are 
 well known. It leads to deterioration of the race, 
 to insanity, to physical deformity, and to a general 
 weakening of the social bond. The Church, there- 
 fore. In setting her face against such marriages, 
 proves herself to be the friend and guardian of 
 the temporal, as well as of the spiritual, well-being 
 of her people. 
 
 Now, although the Church is very strict in limit- 
 ing the freedom of her children whenever It is for 
 their good, yet at the same time she leaves much 
 to their own Individual judgment. Those who 
 look forward to a happy marriage, therefore, must 
 avail themselves of that freedom which the 
 Church allows, and use also their own sound judg- 
 ment and common sense. In this sphere one can- 
 not lay down hard and fast rules. What is good 
 in England may be bad in America ; what is per- 
 missible in one degree of society may be Inadvis- 
 
CHOICE OF A MATE 53 
 
 able in another. The custom of the country or of 
 the particular sphere of Catholic society is a point 
 which must always be considered. Nevertheless, 
 a few general suggestions may be offered. 
 
 Character or virtue will be the first quality to be 
 sought for in the choice of a mate. The predomi- 
 nant and essential virtues expected from the man 
 are honesty and sobriety. These are especially 
 manly virtues. In the natural order it is the sense 
 of honor which will keep the husband faithful to 
 his wife, and insure for her that respect, care, 
 and protection to which she has a right. Sobri- 
 ety, too, is absolutely necessary for the making 
 of a happy home. The love may be there and 
 the fidelity may be there, but they will be in 
 constant peril if they are accompanied by drunken- 
 ness. And if drunkenness be a failing during the 
 days of courtship, a reform after marriage cannot 
 be expected. The pity of it is that girls are only 
 too eager to find excuses for a lover addicted to 
 this failing. " Oh, but he is as quiet as a lamb 
 when he is sober! " The only reliable advice to 
 give to a girl with an intemperate sweetheart is to 
 break off the engagement at once. The predomi- 
 nant virtue expected from the woman is chastity. 
 This will be measured by the care which she takes 
 in avoiding occasions of sin. Here it is not a ques- 
 
54 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 tion of having sinned grievously, but of a constant 
 observance of all those habits of modesty, reti- 
 cence, sobriety of language and gesture, and, above 
 all, utmost decorum in all necessary intercourse 
 with members of the opposite sex. They are 
 habits which can be observed and felt much more 
 effectually than they can be described. In fact, 
 every Catholic girl knows them, and no one is so 
 observant of and sensitive to them as the honor- 
 able young man who comes to pay court to her. 
 
 Next, compatibility of temper must be exam- 
 ined. It is easy to discern. Quarrels during time 
 of courtship may be reasonably excused from time 
 to time. The proverb that true love never runs 
 smoothly implies that, in the common estimation of 
 mankind, lovers' quarrels are a part of the business 
 of love-making among those who are not angels. 
 But there are some lovers whose courtship seems 
 to be one perpetual quarrel, one everlasting carp- 
 ing, jealous insinuation, and complaint. Obvi- 
 ously such a life would only be accentuated in the 
 marriage state, and the sooner the engagement 
 is broken off the better for both parties. 
 
 The question of health, too, ought not to be 
 overlooked. In earlier days the Church spoke 
 more explicitly on the matter, though now she 
 leaves it to the parties themselves to decide. The 
 
CHOICE OF A MATE 55 
 
 cases in which the difficulty most frequently arises 
 are those of insanity and consumption. As a 
 counsel of perfection it is well in such circum- 
 stances to abstain from matrimony. But where 
 this abstention is fraught with moral danger, then 
 the advice of a medical expert should be sought. 
 Parents have a duty toward their prospective off- 
 spring as well as to themselves. The science of 
 heredity is anything but an exact science. As for 
 consumption, the treatment of it has now been so 
 vastly improved that very many consumptive 
 people may now marry without serious danger 
 either to each other or to their offspring. Those, 
 however, who contemplate such a marriage ought 
 always to consult a specialist previously. 
 
 The questions of age, social standing, and 
 wealth, may not be overlooked. Certainly many 
 happy marriages have taken place between persons 
 far removed from each other in age, fortune, and 
 position. These, however, are exceptions rather 
 than the rule. A young person will not naturally 
 seek a much older one with a view to matrimony. 
 But the cases of those hunting after a larger for- 
 tune and higher position are only too frequent. 
 And it is these who come to grief in married life. 
 
 Lastly, there is the question of passion and per- 
 sonal beauty. Let it be said at once that passion 
 
S6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 is not a bad thing in itself. It is only bad when it 
 overrides reason. Let it be said, too, that beauty 
 of form and looks is not a thing in itself to be 
 despised. The Church, in her office of virgins, 
 applies to them the words of the psalmist : " With 
 thy comeliness and thy beauty set out, proceed 
 prosperously, and reign." So long as it is kept in 
 due subordination to the gifts of character and 
 virtue, then it may be prized for what it is worth. 
 Only when opposed to the fear of God is beauty 
 said to be vain, and form fallacious. 
 
 The great principle to be kept before one's 
 mind, therefore, in the choice of a mate, is that 
 the Sacrament of marriage is not a crushing or a 
 cramping of human nature, but a perfecting and 
 realizing of it. If limits have been placed by the 
 law of God, by the law of the Church, by the law 
 of reason, then those limitations of choice are the 
 conditions of a wider and nobler freedoiji. If it 
 seems hard to have one's choice limited to a part- 
 ner of the same religion, remember that that law 
 duly observed will be a safeguard against a multi- 
 tude of more irksome limitations in the future. 
 If it seems unfair to have one's choice limited to 
 those who are not of blood relationship, remem- 
 ber that that law duly observed will probably mean 
 salvation from some of the most horrible calami- 
 
CHOICE OF A MATE 57 
 
 ties which can befall the marriage state. If love 
 seems to have limits set to it by reason, remember 
 that those reasonable limits are the barriers which 
 prevent love from degenerating into mere passion, 
 and insure for it a strong and lasting endurance. 
 
CHAPTER V 
 MIXED MARRIAGES 
 
 The Church, in her dispensation of the Sacra- 
 ments, always acts as a good and kind mother. 
 She has regard to the weakness, as well as to the 
 strength of her children. Her divine message is 
 all beautiful. The ideal which she sets before her 
 children is a perfect ideal. She ever emphasizes 
 this ideal even though she knows that in many- 
 cases it will not be realized. She wishes her chil- 
 dren to conform to the ideal as nearly as possible. 
 Consequently she condescends to them, and where 
 in her wisdom she finds that the weak ones cannot 
 realize what she wishes, she allows, within certain 
 limits, that which is less good. She knows that the 
 Sacraments were made for men, not men for 
 the Sacraments. She prefers, then, to administer 
 the Sacraments with certain accidental imperfec- 
 tions rather than allow her children to go without 
 the grace which the Sacraments convey. For this 
 reason she tolerates what are known as mixed 
 marriages. Strictly speaking, mixed marriages are 
 
MIXED MARRIAGES 59 
 
 those which take place between baptized persons, 
 of whom one is a Catholic and the other a non- 
 Catholic. Thus, the ceremony performed between 
 a Catholic and a Jew would not be a mixed mar- 
 riage in the sense of the word as we use it. A 
 mixed marriage, generally speaking, is that which 
 takes place between a Catholic and a Protestant. 
 Now, although the Church tolerates such mar- 
 riages under certain conditions, yet she ever dep- 
 recates them. They fall below her ideal. In 
 order, then, to undfirstand clearly why the Church 
 looks so unfavorably on such marriages we must 
 keep before our minds the nature of her ideal. 
 The bond between man and wife is as the bond 
 between Christ and His Church. 
 
 The chief characteristic of the bond between 
 Christ and His Church is its intense intimacy and 
 absolute perfection. Christ, indeed, by another 
 comparison, likens it to the substantial union be- 
 tween Himself and His eternal Father. Nowhere 
 can distinctness and unity be so complete as in the 
 bosom of the blessed Trinity. The distinctness is 
 infinite, and thus enables the Father and the Son 
 each to receive an infinite love. Their unity is 
 that of one infinite substance, which enables them 
 to communicate to each other an infinite love, a 
 love which issues in the person of the Holy Spirit. 
 
6o MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 This is a type of the union between Christ and His 
 Church. The Church, of course, is a finite crea- 
 ture and incapable of giving an infinite love to 
 Christ. Nor again is the union between Christ 
 and the Church a substantial union. The Church 
 and Christ do not make up together one substance. 
 But since that union has been likened to the sub- 
 stantial and infinite union of the Father and the 
 Son, we conclude that it must be of a nature far 
 more intimate and far more perfect than we can 
 ever hope to comprehend. And since the union of 
 man and wife has been likened to the union of 
 Christ and the Church we conclude that that also 
 must be of a nature far more intimate and far 
 more perfect than we can ever hope to compre- 
 hend. The Sacrament of marriage is a great mys- 
 tery, a shadow of the mystic union of Christ and 
 His Church, a shadow of the eternal and substan- 
 tial union of the Father and the Son in the blessed 
 Trinity. 
 
 The first and foremost reason why the Church 
 deprecates mixed marriages is because they spoil 
 God's ideal. Christ came on earth to speak the 
 mind of the eternal Father. The Church exists to 
 speak the mind of Christ. Any suggestion of dif- 
 ference of thought between the Fath«r and the 
 Son, or between Christ and His Church, carries 
 
MIXED MARRIAGES 6i 
 
 with it the evident mark of its own absurdity. 
 From this absurdity, however, we may gather 
 something of the imperfection of a marriage union 
 in which the parties profess different faiths. The 
 Catholic faith is the most precious treasure, the 
 most illustrious adornment, which a man can pos- 
 sess. It is a possession, moreover, which is unique 
 of its kind. It cannot combine or make terms with 
 any other faith. If one article be changed only 
 in the slightest degree the whole faith is rendered 
 vain. A marriage union, therefore, in which one 
 party makes profession of Catholicism and the 
 other of Protestantism cannot be but an ungrace- 
 ful thing in the eyes of God. 
 
 Indeed, there are few people who do not recog- 
 nize the irregularity. It is only the immediately 
 interested couple, who, for the time being, cannot 
 see that it is a matter of the highest importance. 
 They are madly in love, and where it is a question 
 of so much love the faith must accommodate itself 
 to circumstances. Yet, if they could only see the 
 connection between faith and love, they would 
 have to recognize that diversity of faith in the 
 marriage union must eventually tell against love in 
 the marriage union. Faith is the gift by which we 
 believe in God and in His word. Without belief 
 in God we cannot love Him. Without the full ac- 
 
62 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 ceptance of His word we cannot follow His com- 
 mands and ordinances. We cannot live in sym- 
 pathy with that wonderful system of morality by 
 which He adjusts and fosters the love between 
 man and man. 
 
 Thus it is that the Protestant married to a Cath- 
 olic cannot avail himself of the teaching and the 
 Sacraments of the Catholic Church which might 
 be so effectual in fostering love between man and 
 wife. Real love is that only which has faith for 
 its foundation. But in the mixed marriage the 
 faith is all on one side. It does not flourish with 
 that fecundity which would be present were the 
 parties united in one and the same belief. Fur- 
 ther, this absence of faith-informed love on the 
 part of the non-Catholic partner must in a meas- 
 ure react on the Catholic partner. Grace is very 
 powerful, but it needs a nature upon which to act. 
 And if the faith-informed love of the Catholic 
 partner finds no response in the non-Catholic part- 
 ner, if It receives an inferior love in return, or if 
 it discovers itself misunderstood and unappreci- 
 ated, then, if it does not dwindle away, it at least 
 fails in its possible measure of fruitfulness. 
 
 The Church has her eyes wide open to the 
 weakness of human nature when she tolerates a 
 mixed marriage. A mixed marriage Is a real Sac- 
 
MIXED MARRIAGES 63 
 
 rament, and all the graces of the Sacrament are 
 capable of being conveyed through it, though these 
 graces may often fail in their effects through the 
 want of disposition in the non-Catholic party. 
 The Catholic party may do his or her best, as the 
 case may be, but as human nature is so weak, there 
 is naturally an ever-present danger of the Catho- 
 lic losing the faith. Over and above the certainty 
 of spoiling God's ideal there is the disadvantage 
 of risking the loss of faith altogether. 
 
 Therefore it is that the Church, when she 
 allov/s a mixed marriage, insists on the condition 
 that the Catholic partner shall not be hindered in 
 the practice of the faith. The non-Catholic must 
 give an explicit promise to this effect. He may 
 not make any contrary conditions, either before or 
 after the marriage. Any attempt to compel or 
 persuade the Catholic to go to a Protestant 
 Church, to stay away from Mass, or to abstain 
 from Confession, is a dishonorable violation of 
 the condition and promise. 
 
 The Church by a long experience knows that 
 such attempts are only too common. Sometimes 
 they are done openly and menacingly. Oftener, 
 perhaps, they are done quietly and in a friendly 
 way. Numberless are the occasions when the dan- 
 ger creeps in. The Catholic is perhaps too late 
 
64 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 for Mass on Sunday. Then the obvious sugges- 
 tion of the non-Catholic is : " Oh, well, come to 
 our Church for a change." Or it may be merely 
 a social gathering under Protestant auspices, a 
 bazaar, a tea party, an excursion — surely one 
 cannot be so narrow as to object to these ! There 
 would be less danger in them for a Catholic who 
 was out and out a Catholic, a Catholic joined to 
 a Catholic in marriage, and generally subject to 
 Catholic influences. But for the Catholic who is 
 the partner of a Protestant, and who is without all 
 those helps which an entirely Catholic family pro- 
 vides, these social functions are so many pitfalls. 
 They seem harmless enough in themselves, but they 
 lead from one thing to another, from the social 
 to the religious. Indeed, wherever one partner 
 Is Protestant, the opportunities of perversion are 
 as persistent in their frequency as they are subtle 
 in kind and degree. In this, as in all other dan- 
 gers, prevention is better than cure. Foster a 
 strong dislike for mixed marriages. Avoid com- 
 pany where you are likely to meet a partner of 
 another religious persuasion. Reject the first 
 overtures made by one who is not of your faith. 
 Then, if circumstances have been too many or too 
 strong for you, make up your mind at once that 
 only by strict observance of the conditions laid 
 
MIXED MARRIAGES 65 
 
 down by the Church can your faith and your hope 
 and your love be saved. 
 
 The fostering of mutual love, however, even 
 the most perfect and most spiritual love, is not 
 the chief end of marriage. The chief end of 
 marriage is the begetting, and educating, of chil- 
 dren for the kingdom of heaven. The Church, 
 therefore, in her legislation for mixed mar- 
 riages has a special care for the children that 
 may be born of them. The child pertains to the 
 ideal of the great Sacrament. In the mystery of 
 the blessed Trinity it is the united love of the 
 Father and the Son, in the person of the Holy 
 Ghost. In the mystery of Christ and His Church 
 the one is bridegroom, the other the bride, and 
 they are united for the purpose of bringing forth 
 children for the kingdom of heaven. 
 
 So, if the Sacrament of marriage must be true 
 to its mystic types, it must be so ordained as to be 
 an apt principle for the bringing forth and for the 
 educating of children in the Catholic faith. The 
 faith is so Important for the child, that its influ- 
 ence should be felt at the first dawn of reason, and 
 all through those impressionable days of child- 
 hood and youth. No demonstration is needed to 
 show that only when both father and mother are 
 united in the faith can those early impressions be 
 
 5 
 
66 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 efficiently imparted. A different faith, in either one 
 or the other, must inevitably tell on the character 
 of the child. In the interest then of the offspring 
 the Church looks askance on the mixed marriage. 
 
 When, however, she permits it as something 
 less good, and for the sake of avoiding some 
 greater evil, then she places a special condition in 
 favor of the children. The non-Catholic party 
 must explicitly promise that all the children must 
 be brought up in the Catholic religion. There 
 must be no compromise. Oftentimes the non- 
 Catholic party proposes to meet the Church half 
 way, and suggests that the girls shall follow the 
 mother while the boys follow the father. And 
 the idea prevails In some quarters that the Church 
 is willing to allow this. Let it be clearly made 
 known that the Church knows nothing of such half 
 measures. According to her law every child of a 
 mixed marriage must be brought up a Catholic. 
 The soul of a boy is just as valuable as the soul of 
 a girl, and the soul of a girl is just as valuable as 
 the soul of a boy, for both have been bought with 
 an infinite price. In their education, therefore, 
 there must be no compromise. All, without excep- 
 tion, must be brought up in the Catholic faith. 
 
 Further, the Church has also a cure for the non- 
 Catholic party. He has already received the Sac- 
 
MIXED MARRIAGES 67 
 
 rament of baptism and now he receives the Sacra- 
 ment of matrimony. He is a subject of the 
 Church, albeit a rebellious subject. His rebellious 
 state may be due to no fault of his own, and he 
 may not recognize his rebellious state. The 
 Church, however, recognizes it and consequently 
 makes a special effort to win him back to her obe- 
 dience. She places a third condition to a mixed 
 marriage — the Catholic party must strive to 
 bring about the conversion of the non-Catholic. 
 
 The condition tends to the perfection of the 
 ideal, tends to the preservation of the faith of 
 the Cathohc partner, tends to the preservation of 
 the faith of the children, tends to the eternal salva- 
 tion of the non-Catholic partner. The reasonable- 
 ness of the condition is evident. Its application, 
 however, seems at first sight to be fraught with 
 considerable difficulty. How is one to know 
 whether there is any hope of a professing Protes- 
 tant becoming a Catholic? Does not the Spirit 
 breathe where He will? Must the non-Catholic 
 have already entered upon a course of instruction? 
 The practice of the Church does not require the 
 manifestation of such clear signs as suggested 'in 
 the last question. But the two conditions concern- 
 ing the faith of the wife and the children, if gen- 
 erously fulfilled, would seem to go a long way 
 
68 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 toward fulfilling the third condition. If the non- 
 Catholic party willingly signs the declaration that 
 his wife may have the free exercise of her religion, 
 -and that the children may be brought up Catho- 
 lics, then that may be deemed suiEcient grounds 
 for hoping that he, too, may some day become a 
 Catholic. Evidently he is not fighting against the 
 Church. Evidently he has some good will toward 
 it. Presumably he is not resisting grace. Under 
 such conditions one may reasonably hope that the 
 grace of God will some day prove effectual. 
 
 We must strive, then, to keep three things well 
 to the front of the Catholic consciousness. First, 
 the union of marriage is a great Sacrament, having 
 its ideal likened to the union between the Father 
 and the Son, and to the union between Christ and 
 His Church. Secondly, mixed marriages are dis- 
 countenanced by the Church because they spoil 
 God's ideal, because they endanger the faith of 
 the Catholic party, and because they endanger 
 the faith of the children. Thirdly, they are some- 
 times tolerated in order to avoid greater evils, 
 and then only on the three conditions that the 
 Catholic shall have free exercise of religion, that 
 all children shall be educated as Catholics, and 
 that there shall be a reasonable hope of the 
 Protestant becoming a Catholic. 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE 
 
 There is a very old Hindu legend in which the 
 making of the first woman is described in this wise. 
 When the creator Twashtri had made man he 
 gathered together a million contradictory elements, 
 and out of them he made a woman whom he pre- 
 sented to the man. After eight days the man be- 
 came dissatisfied. 
 
 " My lord," he said, " the creature you gave me 
 poisons my existence. She babbles unceasingly, 
 she takes all my time, she grumbles at nothing, 
 and is always ill." 
 
 So Twashtri took the woman away. But after 
 another eight days the man became again uneasy. 
 
 " My lord," he said, " my life is very solitary 
 since I returned this creature." 
 
 So Twashtri gave him the woman back again. 
 This time, however, only three days had gone by 
 when the man came once more to the god. 
 
 " My lord," he said, " I do not know how it is, 
 
70 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 but somehow the woman gives me more annoyance 
 than pleasure. I beg of you to take her away." 
 
 But Twashtri would not. " Go and do your 
 best," he said. 
 
 " But I cannot live with her," cried the man. 
 
 " Neither can you live without her," cried the 
 god. 
 
 " Woe is me I " mourned the man, " I can 
 neither live with nor without her." 
 
 Since that story was written thousands upon 
 thousands have felt the conflicting experience 
 which the story expresses. The underlying truth 
 is that when man and woman are joined together 
 in matrimony neither of them is perfect. It is 
 their mutual life and constant adjustment of mind 
 and heart, under the influence of matrimonial 
 grace, which is to make them perfect. Marriage 
 is one of the means of their salvation. Let us 
 refer to St. Paul to see how the grace acts. 
 He touches two sensitive nerves when he says: 
 " Wives, be obedient to your husbands as you 
 should be in the Lord. Husbands, love your 
 wives and be not bitter toward them." 
 
 Doubtless the Apostle was writing to correct 
 certain abuses prevalent among the people to 
 whom he wrote. He was not necessarily giving a 
 full and comprehensive description of the mar- 
 
BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE 71 
 
 riage ideal. Forgetting this, many people have 
 misunderstood the Apostle's words, especially that 
 portion of them which speaks of the obedience of 
 wives. How many women there are now who, 
 reading the epistle in the light of present day 
 abuses, " cannot stand that man Paul ! " Let our 
 consideration then be confined to these two vir- 
 tues of conjugal relationship, love and obedience, 
 for it is the failure to appreciate their true nature 
 which issues in multitudes of other evils, affecting 
 not only individual families, but communities, na- 
 tions, nay, the whole human race. 
 
 " Husbands, love your wives." The Apostle is 
 evidently referring to a neglect on the part of the 
 husbands. He is not talking as if love were to 
 be a one-sided affair. The very nature of love 
 requires that it should be reciprocal, and should 
 exist at least between two persons. The ideal love ■ 
 requires three persons. In God it is the love of 
 the blessed Trinity. In the religious it is the love 
 of God and of one's neighbor. In the family It Is 
 the love of husband, wife, and child. The love 
 between two is the inchoate and root love which 
 issues in the perfect love between three. The love 
 of the Father and the Son issues in the personal 
 Spirit of love. A religious must love God before 
 she can love her neighbor. Husband and wife 
 
72 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 must love each other before they can love their 
 children perfectly. It often happens that a wife 
 who is without a husband's love can take refuge 
 in the love of her children. But she can love her 
 children more when she knows that she possesses 
 also the love of their father. 
 
 The nature of man and woman, however, is 
 such that the love of the man toward the woman 
 needs a more careful watching, a more careful 
 cultivation. A woman's love is as a torrent which 
 is always flowing. It has been used even by God 
 as one of the most forceful analogies by which to 
 make men realize His love for mankind. It is 
 of its nature so generous and so constant as to 
 overshadow that other endowment of woman, her 
 intelligence. 
 
 The difference, however, between the two fac- 
 ulties, the faculty of loving and the faculty of 
 thinking, is not so great as has been frequently 
 supposed. In our endeavor to emphasize the 
 quality of a woman's love we may not undervalue 
 her intelligence. We must ever remember that 
 woman is essentially a rational being just as man 
 is. She herself is beginning to realize this all the 
 world over. One of the most remarkable phe- 
 nomena of the age is the movement for the 
 emancipation of women. While admitting and 
 
BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE 73 
 
 asserting then the claims of woman's intelligence, 
 we cannot overlook the fact that it is in affairs of 
 the heart that she is the stronger. 
 
 On the other hand it is, ordinarily speaking, 
 the lot of the man to be the breadwinner of the 
 family. He it is who must use his brains in the 
 learned professions, in commerce, in the arts, and 
 in the crafts. 
 
 There are exceptions. Oftentimes the wife is 
 the brains of the family. Half of the teaching 
 profession consists of women. But the lady doc- 
 tor, the lady dentist, and the lady professor, usu- 
 ally find it more convenient to retire from their 
 professions whenever they enter the state of matri- 
 mony. And simply because man is the working 
 brains of the family his faculty of loving needs 
 a special culture. He has so many outlets for his 
 attention that if he does not take the greatest care, 
 his love which should be devoted to his wife and 
 family is absorbed in his business or other intellec- 
 tual pursuit. 
 
 The lines upon which the cultivation of a hus- 
 band's love should take place will be decided ac- 
 cording to the character and dispositions of the 
 wife. Generally, however, it must have the three 
 qualities of being affectionate, practical, and exclu- 
 sive. It must be first of all affectionate. The 
 
74 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 double affection of a woman for her children and 
 her husband springs from the same affectionate 
 nature. If it is to flourish it must be fed. The 
 need must be satisfied or it will shrivel away. 
 There is a tendency among men to regard the time 
 of courtship as the time of poetry, and the time 
 of marriage as the time of prose. And there is 
 an axiom among women that they are to expect 
 about half as much affection after marriage as 
 before. It is very sad that it should be so, al- 
 though it may be excusable. There are far more 
 cares in the married state than in the single, which 
 of their very nature tend to take the poetry out 
 of life. It has been divinely foretold that such 
 shall have trouble in the flesh. But it need not 
 be so bad as it is. Nay, the very cares which tend 
 to lessen the affection ought to be the occasion of 
 its increase. To cultivate such affection requires 
 an active will and a keen intelligence. The man 
 ought to be a man. That is, he ought not to allow 
 himself to be moved merely by his passions and 
 feelings. He ought to use his intelligence to find 
 out what little acts of sympathy, kindness, interest, 
 and attention affect his wife's feelings toward 
 himself. Then he ought to put forth a strong will 
 in the frequent repetition of such acts. It is ex- 
 tremely beautiful when an old Darby and Joan can 
 
BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE 75 
 
 look back on a married life of say forty years, and 
 tell you with a knowing smile that they have not 
 yet finished courting. They have learnt the secret 
 of cultivating affection, of seizing upon adver- 
 sity only as an occasion for deeper sympathy, of 
 studying each other's likes and dislikes, of saying 
 the word which gives pleasure, of avoiding the 
 word which gives pain. 
 
 Secondly, a husband's love must be practical. 
 Here again it is a question of external attractions 
 against the attraction of the wife at home. Some 
 men there are so absorbed in their business or 
 profession as to regard their wife and home as a 
 mere accident in life. Their business is not, as it 
 were, a means of keeping one's self, wife, and 
 family in comfort, but rather the wife and the 
 family are the means of carrying on the business. 
 Or, again, the counter attraction may be only low 
 pleasures, the pleasure of company, the pleasure 
 of the club, the pleasure of the public-house. All 
 are violations of the practical love due from hus- 
 band to wife. Frequently the wife can just toler- 
 ate them, provided she gets the affection. But that 
 is only because by nature she has such a strong 
 affection. 
 
 Nevertheless, a prolonged neglect of the practi- 
 cal side of a husband's love must wear out a wife's 
 
76 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 affection, and then there is an end of all love, the 
 family life is broken and the strength of society 
 is sapped at its foundations. The husband's prac- 
 tical love of his wife, therefore, his care for her 
 dress, her housekeeping, her health, her pleasures, 
 has consequences reaching much further than 
 would appear at first sight. His affection must be 
 translated into action, else he fails in one of the 
 greatest duties of his manhood. 
 
 Thirdly, a husband's love must be exclusive. 
 The Christian dispensation in forbidding polyg- 
 amy shows how much more it is in conformity with 
 the laws of human nature than the other religions 
 which allow plurality of wives. If there is one 
 instinct which is paramount in woman it is that 
 the love given to her by her husband must be ex- 
 clusive. And what the law of nature demands 
 the law of revelation confirms and sanctions. The 
 Christian wife cannot for a moment tolerate the 
 idea which prevails In the Mormon or the Mo- 
 hammedan social systems. 
 
 Even more peremptory is the law of nature 
 against the crime of adultery. Nowhere, how- 
 ever, are these laws of nature more carefully pro- 
 tected than in the Catholic Church. She has had 
 twenty centuries' experience of human nature. 
 She knows quite well that those laws cannot be 
 
BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE 77 
 
 observed by merely forbidding the grosser sins of 
 adultery or polygamy. One does not fall into 
 those sins suddenly, while leading an otherwise 
 pure and blameless life. The way is prepared by 
 a series of seemingly less harmful sins, the un- 
 chaste thought, the unchaste look, the unchaste 
 word. Therefore it is, that in the matter of purity 
 the Church brands as mortal sin even the lesser 
 faults when deliberately committed. 
 
 The true Christian husband, then, will not be 
 content with merely guarding against sin. He 
 will strive all he can in the opposite direction. 
 He will avoid even innocent attentions to others 
 which may possibly give displeasure to his wife. 
 He will make it a special study and effort that his 
 wife shall realize that she is the only one who 
 has any attraction for him. If this habit of 
 thought and action be sedulously cultivated it will 
 bear fruit on both sides. The mutual love be- 
 tween husband and wife will be so strong and 
 constant as to leave no room for jealousy, for such 
 love is strong as death, and actually is the death 
 of that jealousy which would be hard as hell. 
 
 What has been said of a husband's love applies 
 equally to a wife's love. It must be affectionate, 
 practical, and exclusive. Although these qualities 
 are ordinarily found more pronounced and more 
 
78 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 natural in the wife than in the husband, yet even 
 the wife cannot afford to leave them to natural 
 impulse. She also must cultivate them, must 
 watch them, must seek out opportunities of giving 
 them free and healthy exercise. There is only 
 a slight difference in their order. Bending to the 
 nature of the man, instead of making her love first 
 affectionate, then practical, then exclusive, she 
 will simply reverse the order, so that her love 
 shall be first exclusive, then practical, and then 
 affectionate. 
 
 " Wives, be obedient to your husbands in the 
 Lord." Like all other social movements, the 
 movement for the emancipation of women is 
 fraught with the danger of rushing into the oppo- 
 site error of that which is to be remedied. Impo- 
 tent of discernment, the agitator will purge away 
 both the dross and the gold together. Especially 
 in this question of the obedience of wives to hus- 
 bands will he, or rather she, persist in confusing 
 the true obedience with false, in condemning an 
 obedience which no Christian wife is supposed to 
 render. 
 
 Let us see then what Is conjugal obedience. 
 
 No one will deny that in some sense the husband 
 
 is the head of the family. Man was made first, 
 
 I and made lord of the earth. In his overlordship 
 
BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE 79 
 
 he was lonely and had need of a helpmeet for him. 
 To this end was a woman taken from his flesh 
 and bone and given to him to be his wife. She 
 was not to be reckoned, among the rest of crea- 
 tion, as part of the man's goods and chattels. Nor 
 yet was she to be reckoned above man. Nor yet 
 again was she to be reckoned as fulfilling the same 
 office as man. She was to be his complement, 
 helping him in those things for which by nature 
 he was unsuited. He was to be the strong ele- 
 ment, she the gentle. He was to be her protector ; 
 she was to find her joy in the sense of the security 
 of his protection. Obviously, then, she was meant 
 to yield, at least to some extent, to his overlord- 
 ship. The only question is as to what extent. 
 
 We all know the distinction between servile and 
 filial obedience. The one is the obedience of 
 slaves, informed by the motive of fear; the other 
 is the obedience of sons, informed by the motive 
 of love. So, likewise, there is a distinction be- 
 tween servile obedience and conjugal obedience. 
 The obedience of wives is as much raised above 
 that of sons as that of sons is above that of slaves. 
 Doubtless there have been many husbands who 
 have demanded of their wives the obedience 
 of a slave. And doubtless such husbands are 
 largely responsible for much of the present mis- 
 
8o MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 understanding of the nature and limits of wifely 
 obedience. Broadly speaking we may say that the 
 obedience of the wife is due to the husband only 
 within certain limits. It is not absolute. It is 
 due to him in all those matters where it is evident 
 that he must rule. It is not due to him in those 
 matters where it is evident that the wife must 
 rule. 
 
 All matters of business, everything which seri- 
 ously affects the income of the family, the choice 
 of trades or professions for the children, — these 
 evidently belong to the judgment of the husband. 
 The wife may be, and ought to be, frequently con- 
 sulted. But having expressed her opinion she 
 ought to abide by the decision of the head of the 
 family. On the other hand the interior domestic 
 arrangements pertain to the judgment of the wife. 
 The management of servants and babies, for in- 
 stance, are points upon which the husband should 
 have nothing to say, except perhaps when he is 
 asked, or when he divines that his suggestion will 
 meet with his' wife's approval. And a wife would 
 be acting well within her rights were she to resent 
 any interference in these matters. 
 
 Hard and fast rules, however, cannot be laid 
 down. Much depends upon the temperament of 
 individuals and the force of circumstances. If a 
 
BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE 8i 
 
 man has failed in business, say three times, and 
 eventually has to depend on his wife's dowry for 
 a livelihood, or upon another business built up by 
 his wife, then he cannot expect to have the same 
 authority as one possessing the full complement 
 of manhood. 
 
 Again, no obedience is due to him when he is 
 obviously demanding something contrary to divine 
 law. To require a wife to give up any of her 
 religious duties as a Catholic, to ask her to do 
 something which is against any of the Ten Com- 
 mandments, — ■ these are occasions when she not 
 only may, but must disobey. In all cases of 
 doubt, however, the presumption is In favor of 
 the husband. 
 
 Above all things, however, the obedience must 
 have Its foundation in mutual love. Unless there 
 Is present that determination to love each other 
 through thick and thin, through success and 
 through adversity, through life and through death. 
 It will be useless to try to decide by argument who 
 has the right to command and who the duty to 
 obey. The love In marriage is a great mystery, 
 and he who would reduce it to mechanical laws 
 must possess a higher knowledge than that ever 
 yet possessed by mere man. 
 
CHAPTER VII 
 
 CONJUGAL RESTRAINT 
 
 All who look forward to marriage do so as to a 
 state of ideal happiness. Yet how many fail to 
 realize their ideal! It makes you jump, as Ches- 
 terton would say, when you think of what you 
 expected, and compare it with what you have got. 
 So we come round again to the same old theme : 
 if you want to enjoy the Catholic ideal of a per- 
 fect marriage you must follow the Catholic rules. 
 He who wishes for the end wishes also the means 
 to the end. 
 
 Now one of the chief means to happiness pro- 
 posed by the Church is conjugal restraint. It 
 would be very strange if in all the other animal 
 tendencies she counselled moderation, and in this 
 allowed unlimited indulgence. Yes, there can be 
 debauchery in the pleasures of married life just 
 as in the pleasures of eating and drinking. Such 
 excess is a violation of the law of nature, and 
 inevitably brings on nature's punishment. In this, 
 as in all other functions of man, virtue, happiness, 
 
CONJUGAL RESTRAINT 83 
 
 and well-being are to be found in moderation, 
 and moderation is secured by rational restraint. 
 
 The question before us is not so much as to 
 what is sin or no sin, but rather as to what helps 
 to a higher happiness. The Church allows a wide 
 freedom in the enjoyment of conjugal pleasures. 
 She never for a moment forgets that one of the 
 ends for which marriage was instituted was that 
 it should be a remedy for concupiscence. In order 
 therefore that there shall be no danger of indul- 
 gence outside lawful matrimony, the widest pos- 
 sible exercise is permitted within matrimony. The 
 Church goes, hand in hand with nature, to the fur- 
 thermost of nature's limits before she says that 
 such or such an act is sin. She counsels the mar- 
 ried pair, however, not to avail themselves of the 
 whole range of nature's freedom. She declares 
 that rational restraint is the way to the highest 
 and fullest happiness in married life. 
 
 The root reason of this counsel is to be found 
 in the fact that by restraint the sexual appetite Is 
 brought under control of the will. The will is 
 guided by reason, and reason In its turn is illum- 
 ined by divine wisdom. Thus, restrained and con- 
 trolled, the sexual appetite can be directed to the 
 three great ends for which it was made, and thus 
 can it be prevented from abuse, for which it was 
 
84 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 not made. The order and higher satisfaction thus 
 secured constitute the essence of happiness. 
 
 Let us see now how this higher satisfaction is 
 reached. There are three ends for which mar- 
 riage was instituted, and consequently three reasons 
 which make the marriage act lawful and holy. The 
 first and chief is the begetting of children. The 
 second is the calming of concupiscence, and conse- 
 quent avoiding of incontinence. The third is the 
 fostering of conjugal love and affection. But all 
 these minister to the perfection both of the indi- 
 vidual and of the race. The married pair see in 
 their offspring the continuance of their own life. 
 Their joy is to know that a child is born to them, 
 to see the child grow up and become settled in 
 life, to hear that their own son is making his 
 mark in the world, or that their own daughter 
 is married well and happily. 
 
 The second and third reasons minister to the 
 first. Unless there were a remedy for concupis- 
 cence, incontinence would follow, and with it all 
 the evils of jealousy, quarrels, illegitimacy, sepa- 
 ration, or divorce. Further, the fostering of con- 
 jugal love tends both to the Increase of offspring, 
 and to Its good bringing up when born. 
 
 Sensual pleasure for its own sake Is not amongst 
 the recognized reasons for the exercise of the 
 
CONJUGAL RESTRAINT 85 
 
 marriage act. It passes away with its own satis- 
 faction, and if indulged merely for that purpose 
 has neither use nor dignity. As a matter of fact 
 it was made to minister to higher ends. It is a 
 mere adjunct to the marriage act, intended to make 
 it attractive for the benefit of the race. If, there- 
 fore, it is perverted and made an end in itself, 
 and if its higher ends are exclifded, then it defeats 
 the aim of matrimony, it kills the love between 
 husband and wife, it shirks the burden of children. 
 
 In order that sensual pleasure may be the ser- 
 vant and not the master of man it must be re- 
 strained. It must not be crushed or destroyed.' 
 That was the error of Manicheism and Buddhism. 
 But it must be moderated so that it may remain 
 as long as possible a help towards conjugal love, 
 towards the normal satisfaction of the sexual 
 appetite, and towards the procreation of a large 
 and healthy family of children. To let it have 
 its full fling is to lessen its keenness, to destroy 
 its power, and to render it disgusting. 
 
 There can be no general law for everybody. 
 What is excess for one pair may be moderation for 
 another. What is moderation for one partner 
 may be excess for the other. Each case must 
 be judged according to its own circumstances. 
 
 In deciding this, the existence and the welfare 
 
86 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 of the offspring is the first consideration. Incon- 
 tinence tells against the interests of the offspring. 
 Each partner then has the duty of seeing that, as 
 far as possible, the other shall not be exposed 
 to this danger. For the sake of home and family, 
 therefore, each one is bound to render the debt 
 as often as reasonably asked. 
 
 For such a sacred purpose either partner should 
 be willing to undergo serious inconvenience. In- 
 deed, marriage is supposed to be fraught with 
 serious inconveniences. These are love's opportu- 
 nities, and love is given to overcome them. The 
 cares of child-bearing are no excuse for the wife 
 refusing consent, nor yet is the expense of the 
 child's education an excuse for the husband refus- 
 ing consent. Not even a difficult childbirth is 
 a sufficient reason for refusing. The only justi- 
 fication for refusing is something so serious as 
 to involve danger of death, or long painful illness. 
 Complete debauchery will come within this cate- 
 gory. Such excessive indulgence may so weaken 
 a man's will as to render him liable to inconti- 
 nence. In the interests of conjugal fidelity the 
 wife would in such a case be justified in refusing. 
 
 The intention of this chapter, however, is to 
 indicate counsel rather than precept, to point the 
 way of the higher happiness rather than the low- 
 
CONJUGAL RESTRAINT 87 
 
 est degree of strict justice. St. Paul is our inspired 
 authority. In laying down his doctrine he is 
 careful to say that it is a mere recommendation 
 and not a binding obligation. " Defraud not one 
 another, except perhaps, by consent, for a time, 
 that you may give yourselves to prayer; and 
 return together again, lest Satan tempt you for 
 your incontinency." 
 
 In the first place he defends the conjugal rights 
 of each partner. The husband is not to take 
 upon himself any extraordinary restraint without 
 the consent of the wife, nor the wife without 
 consent of the husband. The aim of restraint 
 is to acquire a wider and deeper spirit life. But 
 to do so at the expense of another's rights is an 
 act of injustice which of its very nature militates 
 against the deeper life desired. God instituted 
 marriage as a remedy for concupiscence. But to 
 deny the right is to put the other partner in danger 
 of incontinence. Such an act of injustice can only 
 entail spiritual loss to all concerned, and become 
 the source of discontent and unhappiness in the 
 family circle. 
 
 Lawful restraint requires three conditions. 
 First, it must be by mutual consent; secondly, it 
 must be only for a limited time; and thirdly, it 
 must be for the sake of a higher spirit life. " All 
 
88 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 things have their season: a time to embrace and 
 a time to be far from embraces." And the time 
 most fitted for this abstention is the time of 
 solemn fast or feast. " Blow the trumpet in Sion, 
 sanctify a fast, call a solemn assembly: let the 
 bridegroom go forth from his bed, and the bride 
 out of her bride-chamber." The two observ- 
 ances are mutually helpful: the abstention pro- 
 motes religion, and religion promotes restraint. 
 
 The Church makes no law about the times of 
 this restraint. She recommends, however, that it 
 be practiced at the times of the ecclesiastical fasts 
 and festivals. At the end of the marriage service 
 the priest is directed so to admonish the bridal 
 pair. Owing to the delicacy of the public con- 
 science this admonition is usually omitted. It 
 remains, however, to be read privately by all those 
 who will avail themselves of the wisdom of 
 Mother Church. 
 
 The counsels of St. Paul and the Church are 
 supported by the counsels of nature. Nature 
 will allow a wide liberty, but she will rebel if 
 she is over-taxed. It is astonishing how the race 
 continues, considering the extent to which its repro- 
 ductive powers are abused. But nature is both 
 kind and strict. She gives ample warning as the 
 limits of moderation are transgressed. If the 
 
CONJUGAL RESTRAINT 89 
 
 excess be persistent and grave, she visits the offen- 
 ders with grave chastisement. 
 
 The married pair, then, have the advantage of 
 two guides, nature and religion. Nature will 
 give the first warning against excess. The mod- 
 erate exercise of the sexual life ought not to inter- 
 fere with the working-life of either husband or 
 wife. The strength of the weaker partner, then, 
 will be the measure by which restraint is judged. 
 
 If the advice of the Church, too, be followed. 
 It will be a strong help to the married couple to 
 regulate their life within the bounds of physical 
 fitness. To be explicit, the Church mentions the 
 eves of all great festivals, and the seasons of Ad- 
 vent and Lent. But, once again, the rule is not one 
 of obligation, but only one of counsel and can thus 
 be changed to suit each one's individual needs. 
 
 This restraint is not accomplished by unaided 
 nature. It is the result of a special grace of God 
 which is conferred through the matrimonial Sac- 
 rament. The woman is the minister of grace to 
 the man, and the man to the woman. Grace is 
 given to accomplish all the ends of matrimony. 
 But this restraint is needed for these ends. There- 
 fore it will be supported by grace. Thus the 
 Catholic ideal is again seen to be the power making 
 for family happiness. It tends to keep the parents 
 
90 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 in good health and consequendy tends to produce 
 a healthy offspring. In preventing excess it pre- 
 vents the married pair from becoming mere instru- 
 ments of pleasure for each other, and consequently 
 promotes a reverence and love which debauchery 
 would destroy. 
 
 Now, although this abstention during ecclesi- 
 astical seasons is not of obligation, yet there are 
 occasions when it is of obligation; and it will 
 then be difficult to observe unless the non-obli- 
 gatory restraint has been practiced. 
 
 Common decency demaads that abstinence 
 should be observed during the whole period of 
 menstruation. The same must be said of the time 
 immediately following childbirth. There is an 
 idea prevalent, especially amongst the poorer 
 classes, that it is bad luck to return to the married 
 life until the woman has been churched. There 
 is no rule of the Church to this effect. But it is 
 a good custom provided it is regarded merely as 
 a custom, and not adorned with the sanction of 
 magic, of good luck, or bad luck. 
 
 Then comes the question of times of illness. 
 For one partner there is danger of grave illness, 
 whilst for the other there is danger of inconti- 
 nency. Rather than expose a partner to the danger 
 of sin the other partner is bound to suffer grave 
 
CONJUGAL RESTRAINT 91 
 
 inconvenience, but is not bound to go so far as 
 to incur dangerous illness. It is difficult some- 
 times to draw the line, and wherever the line is 
 drawn it means dissatisfaction for one or other 
 of the parties concerned. How much better it 
 would be, then, if both had practiced restraint when 
 it was not of obligation ! It would have produced 
 a habit of mind and heart, by which the stronger 
 partner would show a tender regard for the 
 weaker. It would have become an effective ex- 
 pression of love, powerful to create a return love 
 and thus to weld anew the marriage bond. 
 
 There may also arise the necessity of temporary 
 separation on account of business. A commercial 
 traveler may be away from home for months at 
 a time. A sailor may be ordered abroad for a 
 year or perhaps two. Whenever possible a man 
 should take his wife with him on his travels. But 
 since this, for many, is not practicable, the mind 
 must be especially strengthened by the practice 
 of restraint when it is not obligatory. 
 
 The plight of the very poor calls for special 
 consideration. There are thousands upon thou- 
 sands who have not got a living wage, yea, indeed, 
 thousands upon thousands who have no wages at 
 all. A poor dock-laborer of Liverpool, writing 
 to me on various topics of the social question. 
 
92 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 thus very delicately tells his story: "I will now 
 touch briefly," he says, " on the birthrate. Many 
 good earnest-minded men have often said of us 
 workers, that it was a crime for a man earning 
 a small wage to marry and bring children into the 
 world, whose only heritage was one of poverty 
 and want. Too well do we know with what 
 anxiety the arrival of each little new-comer is 
 looked forward to, as it means more to feed and 
 clothe, while the earning power of the bread-win- 
 ner is gradually growing less. But as the Church 
 tells us that we are obeying the law of God, we 
 may well ask ' Is it ever to be thus? Must we, 
 in order to do what we were created for, commit 
 a serious crime against our own offspring ? ' And 
 in this dilemma we inquire : ' Which is the greater 
 criminal, the working-man for obeying God's law, 
 or he who is responsible for his condition in life 
 and who prevents him from rearing his family 
 in decency and comfort?' Although I look on 
 little children as precious heirlooms sent from 
 God, and with full knowledge that they beget 
 happiness, could I be blamed should I advise my 
 sons not to marry till late in life, or else refrain 
 from marriage altogether; and so further restrict 
 the birthrate, the decline of which is causing so 
 much agitation throughout the country? " 
 
CONJUGAL RESTRAINT 93 
 
 The writer is a good Catholic and so does not 
 go so far as to suggest the artificial restriction 
 within marriage. This evil, though, is closely- 
 bound up with the economic evil of which he 
 speaks. 
 
 Let it be said at once, then, that poverty is no 
 bar to the Sacrament of marriage. The poor are 
 entitled to receive all the graces and all the joys 
 which pertain to the marriage state, and the pos- 
 session of children. Poverty in its extremity, des- 
 titution, that is, is a deplorable evil; but it is 
 a mere trifle compared with the sins of inconti- 
 nency which would surely follow if the poor were 
 forbidden to marry. It is a mere trifle compared 
 with those detestable sins against nature, the arti- 
 ficial restrictions of the birthrate. 
 
 Of course there is no reason why young people 
 should not abstain from marriage until they have 
 a living wage, or, having married, abstain from 
 the marriage act, provided this can be done without 
 danger of incontinency. This course, indeed, may 
 be profitably recommended and the Sacraments 
 of the Church will be the best help in carrying 
 it out. But Satan will be busy amongst those who 
 try it. If it fails, marriage is the remedy in 
 spite of all poverty, marriage and all the normal 
 blessings of marriage, the procreation of children, 
 
94 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 the avoidance of incontinency, and the promotion 
 of mutual love and affection. And if eventually 
 the marriage is to be made ideal and despoiled 
 of the stigma of destitution, it can only be by 
 fidelity to the complete ideal of the Church, for 
 it pertains to the complete ideal of the Church 
 that a man should receive as much wages for his 
 labor as will keep himself, his wife, and his family 
 in reasonable and frugal comfort. 
 
 The sexual question, therefore, though largely 
 a physical and economic one, is at bottom a relig- 
 ious one. The restraint needful for a happy mar- 
 riage wants religious illumination and strength. 
 The marriage bond has its likeness in the bond 
 between Christ and the Church, namely, the bond 
 of intense, strong love. The marriage bond is 
 thus something quite distinct from lust. Lust 
 seeks its own animal gratification, regardless of 
 any other end but its own Indulgence. Love, how- 
 ever, seeks the higher well-being. The love of the 
 married pair then will be tender above all things. 
 It will be selfless to a degree so that the weaker 
 party has every consideration. Whatever sensual 
 pleasure may be incidental to this love, all will be 
 controlled and directed to the higher well-being 
 of husband, wife, and children. 
 
CHAPTER VIII 
 
 BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH 
 
 The Church teaches that children receive their 
 bodies from their parents, but not their souls. 
 Each soul is specially created by God and infused 
 into the body at the moment of creation. God 
 does His share at the will of the parents. He has 
 so decreed it as part of His providence. Parents 
 therefore share the dignity of parenthood, with 
 God. Hence the author of the Epistle to the 
 Hebrews can say: " Moreover we have had 
 fathers of our flesh for instructors, and we rever- 
 enced them: shall we not much more obey the 
 Father of spirits and live? " 
 
 There is a difference of opinion amongst Cath- 
 olic theologians as to the precise time at which 
 the soul is infused into the newly formed body. 
 Some say that it is at the very moment of con- 
 ception, whilst others, including St. Thomas, say 
 not until some time after, when the body has been 
 more perfectly formed. The first opinion is the 
 more common. For all practical purposes in 
 
96 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 regard to marriage it may be more profitably 
 followed; for whether the soul comes at the mo- 
 ment of conception or later, the Church regards 
 the new and independent life as existing from con- 
 ception. If the new being has not got an intel- 
 lectual soul, it is nevertheless ordained by God to 
 receive one. All harm, therefore, which may be 
 inflicted on the new being is harm inflicted on a 
 human being, either directly or by anticipation. 
 Likewise, all good done to the new life is 
 good done to a human life, either directly or 
 by anticipation. 
 
 The first duty of parents towards the unborn 
 child is to recognize the sacredness of its life. 
 One of the commonest features of race suicide 
 which prevails to-day, is the destruction of the 
 unborn child. Artificial means are adopted in 
 order to prevent conception which are not always 
 successful. Then recourse is had to the crime 
 of abortion. And the sad thing is that the opinion 
 is spreading that such a destruction of child life 
 is not a crime. Parents speak of it as if it were 
 an ordinary way of being rid of an unpleasant 
 inconvenience. Happily the idea has not become 
 prevalent in Catholic families. Nevertheless, 
 Catholics need to be on their guard against the 
 materialistic doctrine and its consequences. Let 
 
BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH 97 
 
 the truth be said plainly: All attempts to kill the 
 unborn child are attempts to commit murder. 
 
 Again, the child unborn has the right to every 
 care that it shall not be hurt by accident. What 
 constitutes dangerous occupations or amusements 
 must be decided in individual cases by the family 
 doctor or an experienced mother. What is 
 insisted on here is that there is a moral obligation 
 on the part of the parents to do nothing which 
 will directly injure the third person concerned. If 
 anything, the child has an especial right to protec- 
 tion, on account of its inability to protect itself. 
 
 Perhaps more important still is the influence 
 which parents exert on the soul of the unborn 
 child. True it has not received Baptism and is 
 incapable for the time being of receiving the cov- 
 enanted grace consequent on Baptism. But there 
 can be no doubt that the heart and mind of the 
 parents do exercise an influence, for good or for 
 evil, on the unborn child. Perhaps it may be only 
 in the natural order. But even so this natural 
 foundation is a preparation for the supernatural 
 grace of Baptism. The supernatural grace will 
 be all the more fruitful if it falls upon well pre- 
 pared natural ground. 
 
 The science of education tends to throw back 
 the time at which the formation of the child mind 
 
 7 
 
98 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 begins. Formerly the best teachers were reserved 
 for the highest classes in our schools. Then it 
 was seen that the lower classes were of equal 
 importance. And so on the important day was 
 pushed back; and now there are educationists who 
 say that a child's training begins forty years before 
 it is born. Doubtless there is some exaggeration 
 in these sayings, yet there is enough truth in them 
 to show that the parents, and chiefly the mother, 
 do exercise an enormous influence on the children 
 before they are born. 
 
 The use of alcohol by the parents is proved to 
 predispose the child to alcohol. At the time of 
 the exercise of the marriage act, both parents 
 should be quite free from any effects of drink. 
 With regard to the mother, it were better that 
 she should be a total abstainer, and particularly 
 during the whole period of child-bearing. Only 
 by medical advice is it wise to take any alcoholic 
 stimulant whatever. The same advice holds good, 
 too, for the period following on the birth of the 
 child. 
 
 The dispositions of mind and heart also re- 
 produce themselves. If the mother is cross, or 
 depressed, or unhappy, during the time of child- 
 bearing, there is a likelihood of the child being 
 tiresome. And conversely, if the mother is happy 
 
BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH 99 
 
 and contented, the child will probably be good and 
 easy to nurse. 
 
 But whence comes this happy disposition in the 
 mother? Almost entirely from the kindness and 
 love of the husband. If he is careless about his 
 home, or shows any marked distaste for the domes- 
 tic inconveniences consequent upon the arrival of 
 the new-born, his disposition will act upon his wife, 
 and re-act upon his child. Hence the duty lies 
 with the husband of taking the burden of marriage 
 in the truly Catholic spirit. He has been warned 
 of the burden, and he has received a sufficient 
 measure of grace to enable him to bear it. At 
 least for the sake of his wife and child he will cor- 
 respond with that grace, and make himself a model 
 husband and father. 
 
 The duty may be summed up in one word, sym- 
 pathy. The opposite vice may likewise be named 
 in one word, niggardliness. The coming of a child 
 means extra expense, and the sooner the man 
 settles his mind to this, the better for himself and 
 his whole household. It is not his duty merely; 
 it is his privilege. He, together with his wife, 
 shares the honors of parenthood with God. He 
 can do nothing better to make himself worthy of 
 that honor, than by helping his helpmate to the full 
 extent of his capacity. 
 
loo MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 It is not necessary for the future mother to 
 know all about the possible dangers which may 
 arise. Indeed, it is better that her mind should be 
 occupied rather with the healthy and spiritual 
 aspect of the situation. But dangers may happen 
 which involve moral principles. Now in order 
 that the Catholic mother may act according to 
 those principles it is well that she should be guided 
 by a Catholic doctor. There are some doctors 
 with materialistic views, who advise operations 
 which arc forbidden by the Church,^ and not 
 only advise them in extreme cases but also in un- 
 necessary cases. Owing to the strictness of the 
 Church in forbidding certain operations, the prac- 
 tice of midwifery in Italy has made enormous 
 progress. The doctors, knowing that they were 
 forbidden to do these things, thought out ways of 
 avoiding them; and thus, thanks to the decrees of 
 the Church, hundreds of lives, both of mothers 
 and of babes, have been saved from destruction. 
 
 On the other hand, some operations are both 
 lawful and praiseworthy. The Cesarean oper- 
 ation, that by which the child, which cannot be 
 born in the ordinary way, is taken from the abdo- 
 
 ' A full treatment of this and similar questions is found in the 
 following books, both published by Mr. Joseph F. Wagner: " Pas- 
 toral Medicine," by A. E. Sanford, M. D., and "The Right to 
 Life of the Unborn ChUd," by Prof. Treub, M.D. 
 
BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH loi 
 
 men of the mother, is one such. The question as 
 to when it may or ought to be performed is a com- 
 plicated one and hardly concerns the general pub- 
 lic. When, however, it is raised by a doctor, Cath- 
 olic or non-Catholic, a consultation with one's 
 spiritual director is advisable. 
 
 The doctrine that the child is a separate and 
 distinct human being, from the moment of concep- 
 tion, implies a grave responsibility in the cases of 
 miscarriage. If the embryo which comes away is 
 alive, yea, if it only live for a few moments, it has 
 a right to Baptism. Many people feel a repug- 
 nance to this idea. Still the truth must not be 
 shirked. If the soul is there, it must have every 
 chance of salvation, for it is of priceless value. 
 There is no need for a particular examination as 
 to whether the child is alive or not. The Sacra- 
 ment is administered conditionally. On the one 
 hand, the child may be dead. If this is certain, 
 no Baptism may take place. On the other hand, 
 it may be alive, yet capable of living only for a 
 few moments. The time is too precious for de- 
 tailed examination. Let the ceremony be per- 
 formed as quickly as possible. The doctor, or the 
 nurse, will take the whole being, the embryo with 
 its covering, and put it in a basin of clean luke- 
 warm water. The covering is then broken so that 
 
102 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 the liquid within flows out whilst clean water flows 
 in. The embryo should then be moved about in 
 the water whilst the person performing the cere- 
 mony says these words : " If thou canst be bap- 
 tized, I baptize thee in the name of the Father, 
 and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost." 
 
 When there is danger of death of the child 
 during the process of being born it must be bap- 
 tized conditionally. Either the nurse or the phy- 
 sician, but not the priest, must pour water (steril- 
 ized) on such part of the child as is apparent, 
 though it be only the hand, saying at the same time 
 the words with the condition above stated. 
 
 Where there is danger of death to the mother 
 during childbirth, she should receive the last Sac- 
 raments. The conditions of danger are well 
 known to the members of the medical profession, 
 and so the doctor must be the guide. This danger 
 is present in all cases where operations are needed. 
 The principle wants emphasizing, however, that 
 the Sacraments are for the sake of men, and not 
 men for the Sacraments. It is much better to run 
 the risk of administering the Sacraments when 
 unnecessary, than to run the risk of missing them 
 when necessary. 
 
 It may be well at this point to call attention to 
 the special blessing which the Church is ready to 
 
BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH 103 
 
 give in the case of dangerous childbirth. She 
 implores the Creator of all things, under the beau- 
 tiful figure of supreme doctor and nurse. " Ac- 
 cept," she says, " the sacrifice of a broken heart 
 of Thy servant so that, by the obstetric hand of 
 Thy mercy, her offspring may come safely to light, 
 and be preserved for holy regeneration." 
 
 Here again the Church has foremost in her 
 mind the higher welfare of the child. She has the 
 tenderest care for the safety of body, but this 
 safety of body must be directed to the safety of 
 the spirit. When, therefore, a child has been 
 brought to a happy and successful birth, the duty 
 of its parents is to see that it is baptized as soon 
 as possible. If the child is strong and healthy, it 
 should be taken to church for this purpose within 
 eight days. If the child is weak, and likely to take 
 harm from the weather, then the priest is to be 
 sent for. As long as it remains unbaptized it is 
 to some extent under the power of Satan, and all 
 unnecessary delay on the part of the parents is 
 a grave injustice to the child. 
 
 The churching of women is an act of thanks- 
 giving to God for having been brought through a 
 difficult crisis. It is also a blessing given by the 
 Church. But it is not a Sacrament. 
 
 There is a widespread impression that bad luck 
 
104 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 comes to the woman who, going out for the first 
 time after childbirth, does not take the oppor- 
 tunity of being churched. So ingrained is this 
 idea that many women look upon churching as of 
 far more importance than Baptism. Now the 
 ceremony of churching is of no obligation what- 
 ever, whilst that of Baptism is. There can be no 
 comparison between the two. It is a praise- 
 worthy custom to go to church and render thanks 
 to God as soon as possible, but nothing more than 
 a custom. Provided the woman does not stay 
 away out of contempt for the ceremony, but merely 
 for considerations of health and convenience, she 
 commits no sin. If, on the other hand, she goes 
 as soon as she can, she obtains a blessing for her- 
 self and her family. 
 
 The law of nature demands that mothers should 
 suckle their own children. The Church, in inter- 
 preting this law, does not make it binding under 
 pain of mortal sin. If the mother be suffering 
 from bad health, or if she have to attend to busi- 
 ness or other grave duty, then the Church does not 
 exact this duty under any pain whatever. But 
 wherever a nurse is called in, the mother must see 
 that she is of good health and morals. 
 
 Whilst allowing this liberty of substitute, the 
 Church points to the law of nature as the more 
 
BEFORE AND AFTER CHILDBIRTH 105 
 
 perfect ideal, and as tending more to the welfare 
 of the child and the happiness of the family. Nay, 
 she ennobles the law of nature by setting before 
 the world that type of mother of whose Child it 
 was said: "Blessed is the womb that bore thee 
 and the breasts that gave thee suck." Any sug- 
 gestion of substitution in this case is simply un- 
 thinkable. And if it were not beneath the dignity 
 of such a mother to accept the full burden of her 
 office, so it should not be beneath the dignity of 
 the dames of a worldly society. It should rather 
 be their glory to set the example to their poorer 
 sisters. The poor nurse, who is taken away from 
 her own child, has all the dignity and feelings of 
 motherhood equally with the richest woman in 
 the land. 
 
 Not on this point only, but on every other that 
 pertains to the care of the child, born or unborn, 
 the mother's mind is raised and her heart en- 
 kindled by the Catholic ideal. This ideal is real- 
 ized in Mary, the Mother of God. The Protes- 
 tant consciousness has never become reconciled to 
 the title, and consequently has never learnt the 
 lesson which it teaches to the whole Catholic 
 motherhood. When the eternal God took flesh 
 in the womb of the Virgin, and deigned to be the 
 object of a mother's tender nursing, care, and 
 
io6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 affection, then was motherhood raised to its high- 
 est grade of splendor and magnificence, then was 
 the law of nature made perfect by the law of 
 grace. A real perfect Mother of flesh and blood 
 was given to the mothers of the world to show 
 them the glory of their state. She was instrumen- 
 tal to the forming of the Incarnate Christ; they 
 are to be instrumental to the forming of the 
 Mystic Christ. 
 
 " But, every day that goes 
 Before the gazer, new Madonnas rise. 
 What matter, if the cheek show not the rose, 
 Nor look divine is there, nor queenly grace? 
 The mother's glory lights the homely face. 
 
 Oh, sainted love : oh, precious sacrifice : 
 
 Oh, heaven lighted eyes. 
 
 Blest dream of youth ; best memory of age," 
 
CHAPTER IX 
 
 THE BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN 
 
 When man and woman were first joined together 
 in holy matrimony, a divine command was given 
 unto them to increase and multiply and to replen- 
 ish the earth. Adam alone was lonely, and lonely 
 in more senses than one. Eve was given him to be 
 his companion, not merely, however, for the sake 
 of companionship, but also for the benefit of the 
 race of which he was to be the father. She was 
 to be the co-principle with him for the procrea- 
 tion of the great human family. She was to be his 
 help in domestic life and also his help in the life 
 of the race. The whole earth was to be replen- 
 ished by their offspring. 
 
 This was one of the first and most peremptory 
 laws of nature. And being such a fundamental 
 law it has persevered until now, and must perse- 
 vere until this world is exhausted, until there is no 
 more use for the law, until we are safe in heaven, 
 where we shall be as the angels, neither giving nor 
 taking in marriage. 
 
io8 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 This natural law, moreover, has in the mean- 
 time been fortified by additional sanctions. The 
 natural law is a reflection of the divine Mind. 
 The new sanctions, therefore, do not alter, but 
 emphasize the original law. Throughout the Jew- 
 ish dispensation, therefore, we find that fruitful- 
 ness in child-bearing was ever regarded as a sign 
 of divine predilection, as a fulfilment of God's 
 promises of prosperity. And as fruitfulness was 
 looked upon as a special sign of God's favor, so 
 was barrenness looked upon as a sign of God's dis- 
 pleasure or forgetfulness. 
 
 Further, when the contract of marriage was 
 raised by Christ to the dignity of a Sacrament, this 
 same end of marriage remained as the chief, the 
 procreation of children; but at the same time it 
 was raised to a higher plane, the procreation of 
 children both for this world and for the next. The 
 mother who had done her duty in this matter had 
 fulfilled her highest destiny. By bringing many 
 children into the world, by bringing them into the 
 Church through Baptism, by bringing them to their 
 final salvation through her good example and zeal 
 for Christian education, she had saved her own 
 soul. " She shall be saved, however, through 
 child-bearing, if she shall persevere in faith and 
 love and holiness and sobriety." 
 
BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN 109 
 
 Seeing then that this frultfulness is according 
 to God's will, it must be rewarded with God's 
 blessing. And, indeed, it is first a blessing to the 
 family, secondly a blessing to the State, and even- 
 tually a blessing to heaven itself. 
 
 Many children are a blessing to the family. 
 First, they provide the opportunity for the exer- 
 cise of one of the strongest instincts of nature, 
 family affection, the love of parents toward chil- 
 dren, of children toward parents, of children 
 toward each other. No matter how many chil- 
 dren a mother may have, her love for any one of 
 them is not thereby diminished, but rather in- 
 creased. If she had to part with any one of them, 
 she could not make the choice. They are each 
 dear to her, because they are her own, because they 
 are the children of her husband, and because they 
 are brothers and sisters to each other. The family 
 love is so woven and interwoven, that, the greater 
 the number of the threads, the more difficult it is to 
 distinguish any one of them. This may be the 
 result of merely natural affection. 
 
 When, however, the family love is intertwined 
 with supernatural faith, supernatural hope, and 
 supernatural love, then is the family bond made 
 indefinitely stronger, and the family love more keen 
 and more satisfying. The mother of the Macha- 
 
no MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 bees did not love her children less, but indescrib- 
 ably more, when she had to lead them to be sac- 
 rificed for the sake of God's cause. And although 
 her natural sorrow must have been one of the 
 most poignant ever suffered by mother on account 
 of children, yet her supernatural joy must have 
 surpassed it in intensity and have produced in her 
 maternal heart a satisfaction far exceeding the 
 natural void caused by her bereavement. 
 
 Secondly, a large family is a means of develop- 
 ing character, both in the parents and in the chil- 
 dren. In the case of the father, it is a question 
 as to whether he will face the task of working and 
 saving for the means of bringing up a large family. 
 He certainly needs courage. He certainly needs 
 self-denial and self-restraint. He certainly needs 
 the help of Sacraments and other religious ordi- 
 nances. But these are the very warp and woof of 
 manly character. He is only a weakling, there- 
 fore, wanting in manhood and wanting in the 
 stamina of a Christian, who shirks the duties of 
 fatherhood merely because they involve a heavier 
 burden. 
 
 In the case of the mother, it is a question as to 
 whether she will face the illness and the anxieties 
 incident to a large family of children, and pos- 
 sibly, which Is the greatest trial of all, displeasure 
 
BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN m 
 
 and neglect on the part of her husband. The 
 burden of motherhood then acts against flimsy 
 attractions of the world of pleasure. It concen- 
 trates her attention on the family. It gives her 
 an interest than which nothing is more absorbing 
 and satisfying outside heaven. In a word, it de- 
 velops her womanhood. And, since she is of the 
 gentler, as contrasted to the sterner, sex, her 
 numerous anxieties will develop in her the quality 
 of gentleness. 
 
 Further, if she is so unfortunate as to have a 
 husband who is unkind or neglectful or difficult, 
 then it will bring out her characteristic of tact. 
 There are few husbands who do not need some 
 " managing." And it is the glory of some wives 
 that they know how to " manage " their husbands ; 
 how to get what they want without crying or quar- 
 reling for it. Surely, therefore, it must be an 
 accomplishment worth cultivating, to be able to 
 rule by tact and by persuasion, rather than by force 
 or harshness. 
 
 Now a large family implies many relations to be 
 adjusted, many misunderstandings to be smoothed 
 over, many arrangements for the mutual welfare 
 of all. It is the mother of the family who has to 
 do all this. It is by her instinctive tact and endur- 
 ing patience that the family is held together. The 
 
112 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 more accomplished she is in this office, the brighter 
 does she shine as an example of motherhood. And 
 the greater will be her accomplishment in propor- 
 tion as she has the greater number of children to 
 care for. 
 
 In the case of the children it is a question of 
 generosity or selfishness. Who has not looked 
 with dismay on the spoilt child, the only one of 
 the family? Who has not observed the ugly self- 
 consciousness, pride, and vanity of two children, 
 the miserable two who have had no other compan- 
 ions but each other during the years when the foun- 
 dation of their character was laid? And who has 
 not seen the beautiful unselfishness and generosity 
 of the children of a family of seven, or, better 
 still, of a family of fourteen? Why, even their 
 faults and their sins are due to excess of gener- 
 osity, rather than to defect in It. The principle of 
 give and take has been so often demanded of them 
 and so often exercised, that it must have grown 
 into a fixed habit by the time they come to separate 
 and go their way in life apart. The boys have 
 had their boyishness toned down by the gentle 
 influence of the girls, while the girls have had 
 their girlishness toned up by the strong influence 
 of the boys. 
 
 Thirdly, a large family is a means of strengthen- 
 
BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN 113 
 
 ing both the temporal and the eternal interests of 
 the family. Even from a worldly point of view a 
 father is working against his own interests in set- 
 ting limits to his family from motives of econom- 
 ical selfishness. His view must be a broad one, 
 however. The law of nature pervades the organi- 
 zation of society, even as it does the organization 
 of the physical universe, and none the less does it 
 there reflect the mind of God. It is, therefore, 
 both the law of nature and the law of God 
 that children should support their parents In sick- 
 ness and old age. When, however, there is only 
 one child or two, and these have wives and fam- 
 ilies of their own to support, there is little oppor- 
 tunity of supporting aged parents. But where 
 the burden is divided, among say seven or eight 
 families, then the aged couple have some hope 
 of ending their days in reasonable and frugal 
 comfort. 
 
 Again, we must remember that in most coun- 
 tries the provision of free education is such as to 
 leave no room whatever for the excuse of economy. 
 If the father has the pretension to go further, and 
 to leave his two children enough Inheritance to 
 save them from the necessity of working for a liv- 
 ing, then he is doing an injustice both to his chil- 
 dren and to society. Drones are a nuisance in 
 
 .8 
 
114 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 every line. In all stages of society the work of 
 bringing up a family of children is a burden both 
 to the father and to the mother. It is a burden, 
 however, which is followed by a handsome reward 
 if only it is generously accepted. 
 
 The children, too, must profit by their larger 
 number. The world is so wide, trades and profes- 
 sions are so manifold, as to leave practically little 
 difference in the difficulty of finding situations for 
 eight and that of finding situations for two. Nay, 
 if we look around we shall find that it is the only 
 boy rather who fails to make a good beginning, 
 and the only girl rather who fails to secure a hus- 
 band or a vocation. Owing to the absence of fra- 
 ternal influence and education, they have not got 
 the grit in them to make them attractive to others. 
 Then again, later in life, the many are a help to 
 each other in time of difficulty. They do not all 
 meet with adversity at the same time. If one is 
 low down in business or low down in health, his 
 brothers and sisters are there to help him, each 
 knowing that he or she may likewise depend on 
 the others whenever the hour of distress shall 
 overtake them. 
 
 This mutual support extends also to the sphere 
 of faith and morality. How often has not a 
 father been kept to his religion, and a mother been 
 
BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN 115 
 
 saved from temptation, by the thought of the chil- 
 dren I It is curious how parents who have given 
 up the practice of religion themselves, have often 
 insisted on their children being taught religion and 
 brought up in a good moral atmosphere, and even- 
 tually through the children have been brought back 
 again to God. Holy marriage is a Sacrament and 
 as such is a means of grace. It is an instrument 
 of the Holy Spirit, and no one can tell the multi- 
 tudinous ways and times and places in which the 
 Holy Spirit uses this instrument. 
 
 The family being the foundation of the State, 
 its life must produce an effect on the life of the 
 State. If fruitfulness in child-bearing is a bless- 
 ing to the family, it is likewise a blessing to the 
 State. A man has reached a high state of natural 
 virtue if he can be so unselfish as to take the inter- 
 ests of the State as a motive for his own right 
 conduct. Human nature being what it is, such a 
 motive can hardly be expected to work as the pre- 
 dominant one. It can, however, act, and act effec- 
 tively, as a supplementary one. It is a motive, too, 
 which goes a long way in the formation of public 
 opinion which reacts on private opinion, 
 
 When the abuses of family life were first prop- 
 agated, they were propagated ostensibly with a 
 view to promoting the nation's welfare. The 
 
ii6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 country was said to be overpopulated; and these 
 abuses were introduced to reduce the population. 
 The nations, however, which have allowed them- 
 selves to submit to these abuses have found out 
 to their heavy cost the great mistake which they 
 have made. Statesmen, with no pretensions to 
 high morals or a godly life, have discovered that 
 this abuse is a canker eating away the vitals of the 
 nation. 
 
 France stands out pre-eminently as the worst 
 sinner of all. This last year her death rate ex- 
 ceeded her birth rate. Germany is wide awake 
 to the evil, and a movement has been set on foot 
 to counteract the growing practice. Otherwise 
 prepared for emergencies in the case of war, this 
 would be her weakest point. England has to la- 
 ment her decadence due to practices introduced 
 from France. And in America the sermon 
 preached by President Roosevelt on the burden 
 and duties of the married state, tells of the prev- 
 alence of the evil, and emphasizes the fact that 
 the evil is a curse to any nation. It weakens its 
 power of production; it weakens its power of de- 
 fense; it weakens its power of intelligence and 
 morality; it weakens the very life blood of the 
 limited offspring which actually is born, for such 
 offspring must come from a principle which 
 
BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN 117 
 
 is already marked by weakness, softness, and 
 decadence. 
 
 The Christian family, however, was not made 
 for the State as for its final destiny. It was made 
 for the glory of God. Fruitfulness in child-bear- 
 ing tells eventually for the greater glory of God. 
 The mutual happiness of the persons of the blessed 
 Trinity is all sufficient for the intrinsic glory of 
 God. God, however, has chosen to surround 
 Himself with an extrinsic glory. He has created 
 creatures to give Him honor and praise. And the 
 greatest honor and praise of this kind which can be 
 given Him is that of man. It adds nothing to 
 God's internal happiness, but is rather the expres- 
 sion and diffusion of God's love and goodness out- 
 side Himself. 
 
 God, therefore, having provided this great hap- 
 piness for His creatures, He wishes as many as 
 possible to avail themselves of it. In this way He 
 obtains His greatest external glory. The greater 
 the number of souls that are added to the number 
 of the elect, so much the richer is the music of 
 nature's hymn of praise. That this is the mind 
 of the Church may be seen from the enormous care 
 which she takes for the happiness of infants. Her 
 priests are bound to undergo the gravest incon- 
 veniences, in order that they may apply the bap- 
 
ii8 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 tismal water to any child in urgent need of it. 
 Why is this ? It is because Christ has died for and 
 purchased these children. It is because God has 
 chosen for Himself a number of elect souls, a 
 great number which we cannot count, but which 
 we must do our best to make up, presuming or 
 rather knowing that to do so will require all our 
 spiritual efforts. 
 
 To hinder the course of nature, therefore, is to 
 interfere with God's plans. It is to pull down His 
 work in the Church militant, and to lessen His 
 glory in the Church triumphant. A diminution of 
 the number in the children of the Church is a dimi- 
 nution of the Church's collective faith, and love, 
 and holiness. It is a diminution, too, which reacts 
 on the parents; for since they have wilfully les- 
 sened the number of subjects of faith and love 
 and holiness, they have wilfully lessened their own 
 faith and love and holiness. They have lessened 
 the chances of their own salvation. But letting 
 nature have its way, they contribute to their own 
 eternal welfare, they contribute to the collective 
 eternal welfare of the race, they contribute to the 
 greater glory of God. 
 
 Some apology is needed for even venturing to 
 speak of the abuse of matrimony, and the apology 
 which is offered is the only permissible one, 
 
BLESSINGS OF MANY CHILDREN 119 
 
 namely, absolute necessity. The evil is widespread 
 and is still growing. If it is to be counteracted, it 
 must be counteracted, both by the private good 
 living of 'individuals and by the formation of a 
 good public opinion. Non-Catholics now speak 
 openly and without any sense of shame of their 
 small families and of their Intention of having 
 only small families. Advertisements of the most 
 pernicious nature are flaunted openly in the news- 
 papers. Books are published, the aim of which is 
 to propagate and to make the evil as easily acceS" 
 sible as possible. 
 
 Seeing then the high ideal of matrimony which 
 the Catholic Church sets before the world, she 
 must of necessity look with special horror on an 
 abuse which does away with the primary end for 
 which matrimony was Instituted. Therefore It Is 
 that her preachers have to speak out when they 
 would fain keep silence. And, therefore, It is that 
 every Catholic should set his face against all 
 approval or toleration of the abuse. 
 
 A few practical suggestions then are offered 
 which may serve to indicate the attitude which 
 Catholics ought to assume when questions con- 
 cerning this matter arise. The first Is to keep 
 clearly before one's mind the fact that the law of 
 nature, the law of God, and the law of the Church 
 
I20 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 all condemn any wilful interference with the due 
 course of nature. A second is to protest vigor- 
 ously against any opinions approving of such when 
 proposed in conversation. A third is to boycott 
 all newspapers, books, and business houses, which 
 make a trade in providing the means for the per- 
 nicious practice. A fourth is to take a holy pride 
 in a large family of well-brought-up Catholic 
 children. Natural motives as well as supernatural 
 motives may be used for this end. Natural as 
 well as supernatural motives have been proposed 
 in this consideration. But natural motives alone 
 will not suffice. A premium provided by the State 
 for every seventh child will not hinder the decrease 
 of population. Christian principles must be made 
 the foundation of society life ; that is, the family 
 life must be governed by Catholic faith and Cath- 
 olic morality. And if natural motives are offered 
 and used, it is only that they may be added to the 
 strictly supernatural ones and that they may be 
 directed to a supernatural end, and thus become 
 themselves supernaturalized. 
 
CHAPTER X 
 
 BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN 
 
 Since children have to remain with their parents 
 for such a long time between being born and mak- 
 ing a home for themselves the mutual duties should 
 be clearly defined. And the Church has defined 
 them. Speaking generally, the parents owe their 
 children love and education, whilst the children 
 owe their parents love, reverence, and obedience. 
 
 Of education I shall speak in a special chapter. 
 
 The love which ought to exist between parents 
 and children is founded on the fact of generation. 
 That act is the earthly analogy of the divine act of 
 creation. The relationship between Creator and 
 creature, together with all its beautiful implica- 
 tions of redemption, preservation, providence, and 
 so forth is visualized for us in the invocation of 
 the prayer of Christ: "Our Father who art in 
 heaven." This is the archtype of the relationship 
 which should exist between earthly parents and 
 their children. 
 
122 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 Parents are certainly superiors over their chil- 
 dren. But this superiority does not, as many of 
 them seem to suppose, give them a right to treat 
 their children harshly and inconsiderately. If the 
 first attribute of the heavenly Father towards His 
 earthly children is that of love, then the first duty 
 of earthly parents to their offspring is that of love. 
 Their children are flesh from their flesh, and, as 
 such, nothing under God should be dearer to them. 
 In so far as the children are made to feel this, so 
 much more will they be able to appreciate the ten- 
 derness of the Fatherhood of God. 
 
 The habit of mind by which parents love their 
 children constitutes the special virtue of pietas or 
 dutifulness. Consequently, offences against it are 
 sins. Parents, then, out of consideration for their 
 own souls as well as the souls of their children 
 will be ever on their guard against ang-er and loss 
 of temper. This is difficult for mothers with large 
 families. All the more reason why they should 
 recognize the fact, and prepare for it by prayer 
 and the Sacraments. 
 
 Again they will avoid the habit of always find- 
 ing fault. " Go and see what Willie is doing and 
 tell him he must n't." The habit tends only to 
 lessen the authority of, and respect and love due 
 to parents. 
 
PARENTS AND CHILDREN 123 
 
 On the other hand, they will be careful not to 
 spoil the children by giving them all they ask for. 
 Such indulgence is a sin against the virtue of 
 dutifulness. 
 
 Above all things, they will not show favorit- 
 ism. It would be too much to expect absolute 
 equality in all cases. A mother who has had seven 
 girls and then one boy would naturally give the 
 boy little preferences. But preferences ought to 
 be only such as the other children would willingly 
 approve of. So long as one in the family is made 
 to feel that he or she is not in the same favor as 
 the others, he or she will ever be the cause of dis- 
 turbance, and the blame will lie chiefly with the 
 parents. 
 
 Having first paid regard to their own family 
 virtues, the parents will next attend to the corre- 
 sponding virtues in the children. 
 
 Duties toward parents are, of course, of less 
 importance than duties toward God, but on the 
 other hand they are of more importance than 
 duties toward one's neighbor. It is the title under 
 which rights are held that gives the relative impor- 
 tance to the corresponding duties. God's rights 
 come before a parent's rights, because we owe to 
 Him more than to a parent. Nay, we owe to Him 
 the very fact that we have parents, for God was 
 
124 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 under no obligation to create our ancestors in the 
 first instance. 
 
 A parent's rights come before a neighbor's 
 rights, because our parents gave us our very life, 
 the dearest of all our possessions. Under this 
 title, then, our parents have a right to our love, 
 reverence, and obedience. Just as God is our Cre- 
 ator and demands our love, so our parents are 
 our progenitors and demand our love. Just as 
 God is infinitely higher than men in dignity and so 
 requires a supreme reverence, so parents are rela- 
 tively higher than their children in dignity and re- 
 quire a relative reverence. Just as God is supreme 
 ruler of the world and has a right to enact an abso- 
 lute obedience, so the parents are the rulers of the 
 family, and thus, within the sphere of things per- 
 taining to the family, have a right to exact obedi- 
 ence from the children. 
 
 The love due to parents is one of the primary 
 instincts of our nature. The sensible affection of 
 the parent for the offspring, and of the offspring 
 for the parent, is evident through the whole of 
 animal creation. Some animals will suffer death 
 rather than give up or neglect their young. If, 
 therefore, this is so in the lower creation, how 
 much more ought it to be true in man, who is 
 raised so much higher and is endowed with a free 
 
PARENTS AND CHILDREN 125 
 
 and intelligent will, by which to enjoy a more per- 
 fect love and affection. By this reason he is able 
 to reflect on the infinite difference between being 
 nothing and being something. He is able to know, 
 and in some imperfect way to realize, what cares 
 and responsibilities his parents have undertaken 
 in bringing him into the world and tending him, 
 until he should come to an age when he can look 
 after himself. 
 
 Reflecting on these things the grave obligation, 
 moreover an honorable and beautiful obligation, 
 is at once apparent of making a willing offering to 
 his parents of a great love. Ecclesiasticus, there- 
 fore, preaches both the natural and the divine law 
 when he says: " Honor thy father and forget not 
 the groanings of thy mother: Remember that thou 
 hadst not been born but through them : and make 
 a return to them as they have done for thee." 
 Likewise the holy Tobias when, being about to 
 die, he spoke thus to his son: "When God shall 
 take my soul thou shalt bury my body: and thou 
 shalt honor thy mother all the days of her life: 
 For thou must be mindful what and how great 
 perils she suffered for thee in her womb. And 
 when she shall have ended the time of her life, 
 bury her by me." Indeed, God Himself sanc- 
 tioned this commandment with a special promise 
 
126 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 of material prosperity, and caused it to be known 
 ever afterward as the commandment of promise. 
 " Honor thy father and thy mother that thou 
 mayst be long-lived upon the land which the Lord 
 thy God will give thee." 
 
 We may see more clearly now what kind of 
 love that of children to parents must be. It must 
 not be one merely of external deference. It must 
 be that heartfelt love, which is human affection ap- 
 prehended by the reason, controlled and directed 
 by the will, raised and spiritualized by grace. 
 Thus cultivated it will of necessity bring forth 
 fruits in external life and conduct. There will be 
 no more black looks or harsh words ; no more un- 
 seemly quarrels and aggravations; no more com- 
 plaints of parents neglected in sickness and old 
 age. " Of what an evil frame is he that forsaketh 
 his father: and he is cursed of God that angereth 
 his mother." 
 
 Nay, more. If once the real motive of filial 
 love be grasped and the consequent heartfelt affec- 
 tion be excited, there will be no need of forced 
 outward deference, which even in times of an- 
 noyance and dissatisfaction must be observed. 
 All will flow naturally, or rather supernaturally ; 
 for with a person whose heart is right, all his 
 actions, however natural, easy, and pleasant they 
 
PARENTS AND CHILDREN 127 
 
 are, are spiritualized and clothed with divine 
 charity. 
 
 The superiority of parents involves reverence 
 on the part of children. It is not the reverence 
 due from an equal to an equal, nor yet is it that 
 of a slave to a master. But it is that special kind 
 of affectionate regard which is known as filial 
 reverence. It is begotten only by a certain attitude 
 of mind. It cannot exist merely as an external 
 show. It cannot exist from any purely philo- 
 sophical motive. Unless there is an inward ac- 
 knowledgment to one's self of the parent's supe- 
 riority under God, there cannot be true filial rev- 
 erence. This duty, therefore, must have its foun- 
 dation laid in the heart and mind. The habit of 
 mind must be cultivated of regarding parents as 
 representative in some way of the superiority of 
 God. The reverential fear of God is the root mo- 
 tive of filial reverence of parents. " He that fear- 
 eth the Lord honoreth his parents and will serve 
 them as his masters, that brought him into the 
 world." From the inward habit of mind and affec- 
 tion there will flow forth the external reverence 
 of words and deeds. 
 
 It may happen, it often does happen, that a 
 parent does things which tend to disturb that in- 
 ward reverence. Here, however, we are con- 
 
128 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 cemed with the duties of children, and particu- 
 larly with the duty of reverence on occasions when 
 the parent has failed in his or her duty. The child 
 is never justified in offering to a parent irrever- 
 ence. To attempt to justify such conduct on the 
 grounds that the parent has forfeited the rever- 
 ence due to him is to have missed the chief mean- 
 ing of reverence to parents. We do not owe them 
 i this reverence simply because they are good and 
 ;kind and affectionate. Doubtless those qualities 
 ido impose an extra claim on us. But the founda- 
 tion reason of our reverence is the bare fact that 
 ithey are our parents and that under God they are 
 bur superiors. 
 
 And no amount of subsequent neglect of duty on 
 their part can undo this fact. Of course, our in- 
 ward feelings are not always under our control. 
 Still, in such circumstances we can and ought to 
 maintain at least an outward reverence of word 
 and deed. Then this outward behavior will react 
 on the inward soul and will tend to fasten the due 
 inward reverence. The exercise of control over 
 our outward actions will strengthen our inward 
 patience, and the effect of this inward patience will 
 make itself felt in the parent and thus be the 
 means, perhaps, of making him reflect on his duty. 
 " Honor thy father in work and word and all pa- 
 
PARENTS AND CHILDREN 129 
 
 tience, that, a blessing may come upon thee from 
 him, and his blessing may remain in the latter 
 end." 
 
 We come next to the question of obedience. 
 The obedience of children toward parents has its 
 reason in the idea of family government. The 
 family is the foundation of the community and of 
 the State. If, therefore, men are bound to obey 
 the laws of the country in which they live, and if 
 they are bound to observe the by-laws of their com- 
 munity, much more are they bound to attend to 
 the commands of parents in all matters pertaining 
 to the well-being of the household. The very 
 existence of a State is dependent on the due ob- 
 servance of its laws. So also is the very existence 
 of family life dependent on the due respect for 
 parental authority. Anarchy in the family tends 
 to anarchy in the community, and anarchy in the 
 State. Filial obedience, therefore, is an exigency 
 of the law of nature. 
 
 It is an exigency also of the divine law. " Chil- 
 dren," says St. Paul, " obey your parents in the 
 Lord, for this is just." Nay, the parents have 
 a sanction given them to enforce obedience if need 
 be. They must avoid arbitrary and harsh treat- 
 ment, yet at the same time they must be firm in 
 maintaining their rights and insisting on parental 
 
 9 
 
I30 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 authority. " And you, fathers, provoke not your 
 children to anger; but bring them up in the dis- 
 cipline and correction of the Lord." Therefore 
 it is that St. Paul says again: "Children, obey 
 your parents in all things : for this is well pleasing 
 to the Lord." 
 
 Perhaps, however, the children may ask: "Is 
 there no limit to this parental authority? Surely 
 the time must come when I must think and act for 
 myself! " Yes, there are limits which it is well to 
 know. But first let us be clear as to the extent 
 before we speak about the limits. First, it is man- 
 ifest that parents have supreme authority in the 
 management of the household. The children 
 have not the right to choose the kind of house, the 
 quality of the food, the hours of the meals. Sec- 
 ondly, the parents have charge of the children's 
 manners and education, and therefore they have 
 the right and duty of demanding obedience in be- 
 havior about the house. Thirdly, they have the 
 right and the duty of looking after the spiritual 
 welfare of the children. Consequently, they are 
 entitled to say who are fitting companions, what 
 are permissible amusements, whether it is good to 
 go to this dance or to that theatre. Further, on 
 account of this spiritual oversight they have a right 
 to warn the children when the time draws near 
 
PARENTS AND CHILDREN 131 
 
 for the Sacraments, or when there is any other 
 religious duty to be performed. Again, it is the 
 right and duty of the parents to see to the proper 
 education of their children in fitting them for the 
 battle of life in temporal matters. Consequently, 
 there is a corresponding duty on the part of the 
 children of corresponding with the means pro- 
 vided, of careful attendance at the school chosen, 
 of availing themselves of all the opportunities for 
 the improvement of mind and body which a 
 thoughtful parent has afforded. 
 
 Now we may consider the limits of parental 
 authority. First let us recall the root principle of 
 this authority: the parents, in the exercise of it, 
 are only supposed to be carrying out the work of 
 God. If, therefore, any of their commandments 
 are manifestly contrary to the law of God, then 
 the parents have gone beyond the limits of their 
 jurisdiction. In such cases it is not only lawful 
 but of obligation to lay aside the command of the 
 parent. Such a course of action is not disobedi- 
 ence, but rather obedience to a higher law. But 
 notice that this is only allowable when the thing 
 commanded is manifestly against the law of God. 
 If there is any doubt the presumption is always in 
 favor of the parent; for a wayward child might 
 easily persuade itself that it was following out 
 
132 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 God's will, while it was in reality only following 
 out its own perverse will. Conscience certainly is 
 supreme, but there is need to guard against a false 
 conscience, and the only practical rule is to obey 
 the parent in case of doubt. 
 
 Among the several kinds of cases in which the 
 rights of God, the rights of parents, and the rights 
 of children seem to clash, there are two which 
 are constantly arising, and concerning which the 
 Church has made definite arrangements. The 
 question concerns the choice of a state of life. Is 
 the child bound to obey its parents in choosing 
 whether to get married, or to become a priest or a 
 religious ? 
 
 We are here dealing with what is called a voca- 
 tion. Now a vocation is a call from God. It is 
 known by certain signs which are recognized by 
 the Church, and with which spiritual directors are 
 well acquainted. If, therefore, those signs are 
 present, if the vocation is sufficiently manifest, 
 then clearly the child is perfectly justified in obey- 
 ing the call of God, and in setting aside the com- 
 mand of the parent who interferes with the call 
 of God. And the principle works both ways. If 
 the child is called to any given state of life, then 
 it is wrong for the parent to interfere with that 
 call. 
 
PARENTS AND CHILDREN 133 
 
 If, on the other hand, the child is not called to 
 a given state, then it is wrong for the parent to 
 urge the child, either directly or indirectly, to enter 
 that state. Whether the case be one of entering 
 upon matrimony, or the priesthood, or religion, 
 God's call goes before the wishes of a parent. To 
 ignore the wishes of parents in such a matter is 
 no dishonor to them. Our Lord indeed rebuked 
 the Pharisees, because under the pretense of 
 honoring religion they taught men to withdraw 
 the honor due to parents. The virtues by which 
 God is honored and by which parents are hon- 
 ored are quite distinct from each other, but they 
 are not at variance. Each virtue is limited by 
 circumstances. Virtue carried beyond this limit 
 is no longer a virtue but a vice. Thus the vir- 
 tue of dutifulness to parents is limited by the 
 virtue of religion, or the worship of God. It can 
 be no honor, therefore, to a parent to render him 
 obedience when obedience to God demands some 
 contrary action. 
 
 Thus, whenever it comes to a choice between 
 the service of man and the service of God, the ser- 
 vice of God must prevail. Hence those plain 
 words of Christ : " He that loveth father and 
 mother more than me is not worthy of me : and he 
 that loveth son or daughter more than me is not 
 
134 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 worthy of me." These words apply more partic- 
 ularly to the priestly and religious states, though 
 there is an equally strong sanction as regards the 
 matrimonial state. Christ Himself said: " Have 
 ye not read that he who made man from the be- 
 ginning made them male and female? And he 
 said : For this cause shall a man leave father and 
 mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two 
 shall be one flesh." 
 
 On the other hand, there are circumstances 
 when the claims of the parents would seem to pre- 
 vail. It is not so in reality, for in these circum- 
 stances the call of God is not manifest. It is when 
 the parents are so very poor that they cannot live 
 without the support of their children. God does 
 not wish children to leave their parents in such 
 plight, under the pretense of leading a higher life. 
 The highest life in such circumstances is to stay at 
 home and take care of the parent who may be 
 poor, sick, or aged. 
 
 There are four chief signs of a religious voca- 
 tion, namely: constant desire; fitness for the 
 order as to health, ability, and character; accept- 
 ance by the order; the absence of any obligation 
 of supporting parents in need. If, therefore, the 
 candidate for religious life found that, in order to 
 enter religion, he must leave his parent in destitu- 
 
PARENTS AND CHILDREN 135 
 
 tion, that would be a clear sign that he had no 
 vocation. That one fact would mark the limits of 
 the virtue of religion. God could not possibly be 
 honored by the entrance of one into religion under 
 such circumstances. To act thus would be to turn 
 the virtue of religion into a vice. Hence the duty 
 to parents and the duty to God cannot clash, for 
 the limits of the one are outside the limits of the 
 other. If in any given case they seem to clash, if 
 a child wishes to marry, or to become a nun, or a 
 priest, or a monk, contrary to the wishes of its 
 parents, then the practical thing to do is to consult j 
 one's spiritual director. He is trained in the the- 
 ology of the subject, he knows something of human 
 nature, he knows the disasters that are in store, 
 either for forcing a vocation where there is none, 
 or for destroying a vocation where there is one. 
 He knows also the blessings that are in store for 
 the true vocation faithfully followed. 
 
 By virtue of this division of labor it comes 
 about that in addition to the love, reverence, and 
 obedience which children owe to their parents, 
 there is also a love, reverence, and obedience due 
 to spiritual superiors. The priest is God's servant 
 through whose ministry God's graces are con- 
 veyed to the soul. He is our spiritual father, and 
 therefore in all matters spiritual is entitled to the 
 
136 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 obedience of the spiritual children committed to 
 his care. And by the same title of spiritual father- 
 hood he has also a claim on their reverence and 
 their love. 
 
 Sometimes it is necessary for both parents and 
 pastors to get others to help them in their work of 
 temporal and spiritual education. This help is 
 represented in modern times by a vast system of 
 scholastic and collegiate institutions. The school- 
 master, the schoolmistress, the professor, the mas- 
 ter of the apprentice, — all these, too, have in their 
 own measure a claim on the love, reverence, and 
 obedience of the children committed to their care. 
 The teacher stands in place of the parent or pastor. 
 It is his duty to recognize in himself an instrument 
 in the hand of God, for the education and improve- 
 ment of those committed to his care. On this ac- 
 count, therefore, he is entitled to his share of love, 
 reverence, and obedience. True, the love cannot 
 equal the love of a parent. Still, in proportion as 
 the schoolmaster takes upon himself the responsi- 
 bility of training a child, he may lawfully expect 
 from the child corresponding duties. The prin- 
 ciple involved is the same. The teacher is doing 
 the work'of God. The child, therefore, in honor- 
 ing jthe teacher thereby acknowledges its submis- 
 sion to God; and in doing so it does honor to 
 
PARENTS AND CHILDREN 137 
 
 itself, for It makes profession of its right place in 
 the order of the world. 
 
 In these days there is a strong tendency among 
 men to exaggerate their rights and to undervalue 
 the rights of their superiors. In the family, and in 
 the State and in religion, there is a strong force of 
 opposition to law. It is well, then, for children 
 to realize early the dignity of dutifulness to par- 
 ents, spiritual pastors, and temporal masters. 
 From a merely natural point of view such dutiful- 
 ness can only lead to the good of the children. 
 But from a supernatural point of view the thought 
 is noble In the highest degree. We see that in 
 serving our parents and those in authority for the 
 sake of God, we are serving our own best inter- 
 ests; for we are thereby doing our best to place 
 ourselves in that adjustment of the universe which 
 God has ordained as the most perfect. 
 
 The saints have ever been eminent In this virtue. 
 Let us take the Blessed Thomas More as a glori- 
 ous example. Dutifulness toward his parents was 
 one of the most beautiful traits of his life. From 
 his earliest years he showed the tenderest affec- 
 tion for them. Then, when in later life he came 
 to occupy the high post of Lord Chancellor, the 
 fondness and reverence for his parents increased 
 rather than diminished. And the story is told of 
 
138 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 him how, when his father held a position in one 
 of the lower courts, he used to be seen every morn- 
 ing to go and kneel and ask for the old man's 
 blessing. 
 
 The law is clear, then, and so it remains for 
 children to fulfill the commandment and to look 
 forward confidently to the reward which will 
 surely come to them in this life and in the next. 
 For God has promised and He is faithful. 
 
CHAPTER XI 
 
 SEXUAL INSTRUCTION FOR THE YOUNG 
 
 When the question is asked point blank whether 
 children should be taught at least the chief facts 
 of the sexual life, the answer is hard to give. 
 Nearly everybody's instinct shrinks from saying, 
 " Yes." All right-minded parents and teachers 
 feel a reticence in speaking to children on a matter 
 which from its very nature is so private. Yet, on 
 the other hand, nearly everybody's reason declares 
 that children should have such instruction. The 
 great majority of young girls who go wrong do 
 so simply out of ignorance of the tendencies, dan- 
 gers, and responsibilities of the sexual life. Moral 
 depravity in boys, too, arises chiefly from the fact 
 that they acquire their first information from older 
 boys already depraved. What must parents do 
 in the face of this dilemma ? A universal healthy 
 instinct counsels silence, whilst a universal healthy 
 reason counsels speech. Evidently there must 
 be a compromise. And the compromise is this: 
 
I40 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 there must be speech, but It must be feticent and 
 discreet. 
 
 The mind and the senses, the brain and the 
 nerves, are so related to each other that they act 
 and react on each other. So intimate and organic 
 Is this relationship that conversation or reading 
 about sexual matters tends to excite the sexual 
 functions. Even though the conversation and the 
 reading may be justified and done with a right In- 
 tention, it Is, nevertheless, fraught with certain 
 dangers. It emphasizes Images In the imagination 
 which may become temptations to sin, when the 
 brain Is tired or the mind off its guard. 
 
 There can therefore be only one reason for 
 enlightening children with sexual knowledge. 
 There can be only one reason for adults discussing 
 sexual topics amongst themselves. There can be 
 only one reason for the writing of this and similar 
 chapters. And the reason is necessity. 
 
 In 1905 a conference on the subject was held at 
 Mannheim. An almost unanimous vote declared 
 that the chief laws of sex should be taught to boys 
 In the higher classes of secondary schools. But 
 the widest diversity of opinion was expressed as 
 to the manner In which the instruction should be 
 given ; and also as to the extent of the matter ; nor 
 yet was there any unanimity as to who should give 
 
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION 141 
 
 the instruction. In Germany experiments have 
 actually been made. But the result has not been 
 satisfactory to the Catholic conscience. Cora- 
 plaints have been raised both as to the informa- 
 tion given and the way of giving it. Indeed, very 
 little reflection is wanted to show that, in a matter 
 so personal and private, class instruction is not the 
 desirable thing. 
 
 The first principle that may be laid down with 
 safety is that the duty of giving the first instruc- 
 tion in these matters belongs to the parents of the 
 children. Even in the more general parts of edu- 
 cation the school is but a supplement to the family. 
 The school-teacher is only supposed to do what 
 the parents cannot efficiently do themselves. But 
 the parent can teach the laws of sex, and ought 
 to be able to do so even more efficiently than the 
 school-teacher. Moreover, the teacher has a right 
 to presuppose such knowledge if in the course of 
 his lessons questions involving sexual laws should 
 incidentally arise. 
 
 It has been frequently said that the mother 
 should teach the girls and the father the boys. 
 This rule becomes more appropriate as the chil- 
 dren grow older. Girls between the ages of thir- 
 teen and seventeen would more naturally turn to 
 their mother, whilst boys of the same age would 
 
142 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 more naturally turn to their father. Parents may 
 take this as a healthy instinct and use their judg- 
 ment accordingly to direct it. 
 
 But questions begin to arise in the child mind 
 long before the age of thirteen. As the mother 
 is occupied almost entirely with the children dur- 
 ing their earlier years, it Is her duty rather than 
 the father's to watch for the signs of awakening 
 intelligence. Knowledge should never be thrust 
 into the child's mind before it is asked for. The 
 state of innocence or ignorance, whichever we like 
 to call it, is better kept untouched as long as pos- 
 sible. If a boy or girl can be kept in a state of 
 innocence, without fear of being smirched by other 
 and more precocious children, say up to the age 
 of thirteen or fourteen, he will be all the better 
 for it both in health of mind and health of body. 
 To put sexual images into a child's mind before 
 due time is to start a tendency towards precocity 
 and moral depravity. The arrival of a new baby 
 is best explained by saying that it is a present 
 from God, and has come in God's good way. 
 
 Together with this protection from the unripe 
 fruit of knowledge there should be a correspond- 
 ing observance of sex hygiene. Irritation due to 
 uncleanliness, or to tight and hot clothing, may 
 easily cause undue sexual development and so 
 
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION 143 
 
 become the source of moral difficulty in the future. 
 If any signs of abnormal sexual development 
 appear a doctor should be consulted. Under no 
 circumstances whatever should children be allowed 
 the taste of alcohol. It leads both to drunken- 
 ness and impurity. 
 
 There comes at length a time when explicit 
 knowledge is in order and must be given. The 
 dawn of a more intelligent interest begins to glim- 
 mer. It comes so innocently, so naively, that it is 
 just as likely to express itself in the presence of 
 the mother as in the presence of other and older 
 children. That is the mother's opportunity. 
 Then, and not until then, may she give the infor- 
 mation. If, as is frequently done, she silences the 
 question by saying that it is one that ought not to 
 be asked, or if she ignores it by talking of some- 
 thing else, then she has missed the opportunity 
 given to her by God through nature. The child's 
 interest has not been crushed, but has even been 
 accentuated and probably directed into a danger- 
 ous channel. He will ask the question again, and 
 perhaps when he does get an answer it will be 
 adorned with the attractions of vice. The im- 
 pression will come to him that somehow the facts 
 of sex are very wicked, but at the same time very 
 alluring. 
 
144 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 Nol When the right moment hag arrived, 
 when the mother judges that if she does not speak 
 some one else will, then she must say the word 
 solemnly and plainly. The fact of sex is some- 
 thing holy and mysterious. If the child wants, to 
 know anything about it, it must ask mother and 
 not other people. Children grow in the mother's 
 body and when the time comes they are born. 
 
 If the matter be thus solemnly but openly 
 treated there will be no need to go too much into 
 details. The child will make its own inferences, 
 which will be substantially correct. At any rate, 
 they will be enough for the time being. As the 
 child grows older it will want to know more. 
 Here again no exact rule can be laid down. The 
 parents will be guided by their judgment, which 
 will partake rather of the nature of an instinct. 
 As more details are required so will the mother 
 speak to the girls, and the father to the boys. To 
 the parents and not to the schoolmaster, nor still 
 less to boys and girls, belongs the duty of explain- 
 ing what is meant by being born. 
 
 This knowledge is sought for, and possessed, 
 long before the knowledge of how children are 
 begotten. The latter is one of the most difficult 
 things to teach. Parents are inclined to be too 
 reticent about it, with the result that children in- 
 
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION 145 
 
 variably get their first knowledge ■ from undesir- 
 able sources. Let reason, then, decide that the 
 parents shall Say what is essential, and at the 
 same time let instinct decide that they shall not 
 say more than is essential. 
 
 There is no need, whatever, for a full and par- 
 ticular description of the sexual act. Much less 
 is there need of diagrams and pictures of the 
 human body. 
 
 The best way is to begin with the lower forms 
 of life. The description of the fertilization of a 
 plant is most admirable. The plant excites no 
 harmful images in the imagination. The poultry 
 yard, too, may be taken as a convenient object 
 lesson. If plants and poultry are understood, 
 then the parent may go further and say that in the 
 higher animals and in human beings the young 
 are produced in a similar way. 
 
 The manner of giving this information is more 
 important than the matter. There must, on the 
 one hand, be no tendency to laugh and joke about 
 it, whilst there must, on the other, be no attempt 
 to suppress it as if it were something wicked. The 
 inquiring mind at this stage is alert and receptive. 
 Moreover, it works in harmony with a natural in- 
 stinct. Thus of its own nature it readily makes 
 the right inferences and draws the necessary 
 
146 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 conclusions. The aim of the parent is to keep 
 these conclusions as ideal as possible, and to pre- 
 vent them from becoming topics of conversation 
 and reading. The more they act on the senses 
 so much the more likely are they to induce an 
 indulgence of the senses, and thus lead to acts of 
 impurity. 
 
 After the age of thirteen or fourteen the boys 
 will claim more particularly the attention of their 
 father, and the girls that of their mother. Now is 
 the time for explicit teaching on certain well- 
 defined matters. 
 
 If the boy has been encouraged to look to his 
 father rather than to his own playfellows for in- 
 formation of this kind, he will sooner or later ask 
 in anxiety about the relief of nature in the night. 
 He may be told that so long as this does not arise 
 from any tampering with himself, it is perfectly 
 natural and nothing to be distressed about. The 
 father may also take the occasion to warn him 
 against the sin of self-abuse. This sin is so preva- 
 lent amongst boys that the father need hardly be 
 afraid of giving the warning too soon. Let 
 it be said solemnly and plainly that the boy 
 has certain powers given to him by God, for 
 the purpose of begetting children in lawful mar- 
 riage, and that if those powers are abused in 
 
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION 147 
 
 boyhood they will be damaged for their function 
 in manhood. 
 
 Strong motives will be required by the boy to 
 keep him straight. At this age natural motives 
 are very powerful, but they are more powerful if 
 spiritualized and raised to a supernatural plane. 
 Tell the boy first, then, that this is a sin against 
 God. The body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, 
 and sins against the body, therefore, have a special 
 malice in them and bring after them a special 
 punishment. The law of nature is broken and 
 nature will exact a heavy toll. But what is the 
 law of nature except a reflex of the divine mind? 
 And what is the retribution of nature except a 
 fulfilment of the divine Will? Tell the boy, then, 
 that self-abuse impairs the brain and shatters 
 the nerves, that it dulls the intelligence and 
 weakens the will, and that these are the effects 
 ordained by God to follow on the violation of 
 His law. 
 
 As the boys get older they may be warned 
 against venereal disease. The terrible natural 
 effects may be pointed out, but always these nat- 
 ural punishments should be associated with the 
 divine law, and shown to be but a portion of the 
 punishment due to such sins. 
 
 A proposal has been made, and in European 
 
148 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 countries partly put into practice, to enlighten 
 young minds concerning the many extreme forms 
 of sexual perversion. This instruction I hold to be 
 decidedly pernicious. If the boy is warned against 
 the more common sins he will at once recognize 
 the less common and more heinous ones, if the 
 temptation should arise. Whereas if the idea is 
 put into the boy's head unnecessarily, temptation 
 is put in his way. Nay, I would go further and 
 say that books dealing with the extreme forms 
 of sexual perversion should not be read even by 
 adults, unless their profession obliges them to deal 
 with such cases. Obviously the doctor, the lawyer, 
 and the priest should know all about these things. 
 But the ordinary layman can only read them to 
 his own disadvantage. And if this is true of 
 scientific works, how much more true must it be 
 of certain novels and pictures? The policy of 
 reading and seeing all things is sure to work dis- 
 aster on those who adopt it without sufficient 
 reason. Where there is reason in this matter 
 there Is also grace. 
 
 Together with reverence for the divine law 
 there should be instilled into boys a profound 
 reverence and respect for womankind. This will 
 be directed in the first instance towards their own 
 mother and sisters. The habit of mind and heart 
 
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION 149 
 
 thus formed in early youth will be of the utmost 
 service to them when in later years they have to 
 associate with and move amongst women not of 
 the family. 
 
 The mother will give corresponding instruction 
 to the girls. Directions concerning the first signs 
 of womanhood must be explicit. Our Lady's Vir- 
 ginity may well be taken as an occasion to explain 
 the nature of virginity and its importance to young 
 girls. There is a bodily virginity and a spiritual 
 virginity. Bodily virginity is usually taken to be 
 the sign of spiritual virginity. It is certainly a 
 most important protection of the same, and as 
 such must be guarded with the utmost care. Bodily 
 virginity may be lost either. through sin or through 
 ignorance, or through accident, or through neces- 
 sary surgical operation. Such a misfortune there- 
 fore may imply sin or it may not. And if It 
 does not Imply sin it may give rise to needless 
 distress and scruples. Mothers therefore can 
 do much both to protect their daughters' chas- 
 tity, and to preserve their peace of mind, by 
 explaining to them clearly these circumstances of 
 womanhood. The question has been asked: 
 Who is to instruct those children who have no 
 parents, or whose parents are unfitted for the 
 task? For those who have no parents the duty 
 
ISO MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 devolves upon the guardian. For those whose 
 parents are unfitted, the task may be undertaken 
 by the schoolmaster or the priest. But generally 
 speaking it is not advisable that children should 
 associate such instruction with the priest. In the 
 confessional he never speaks of it unless he is 
 asked or unless he has reason to suppose that 
 there is something wrong. It is not right, there- 
 fore, for parents or guardians to relegate instruc- 
 tion to the confessional, for it is their duty to an- 
 ticipate the wrong by giving instruction before 
 the wrong has been done. 
 
 With regard to children at boarding schools, 
 there should be some arrangement between parent 
 and teacher. The parent will endeavor to take 
 the lead either before the child is sent to school 
 or during the holidays, and then communicate 
 with the head teacher accordingly. 
 
 The time of going out from home to earn a 
 living is an occasion for special warning. Again, 
 there is no need to go into all the details of the 
 dangers of the streets. It will be sufficient to 
 say that grave dangers do exist and that the chief 
 occasion of these dangers is the accepting of 
 acquaintance with unknown men or women. If 
 good relationships have already been established 
 between mother and daughter, then the girl will 
 
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION 151 
 
 willingly tell her mother of any new friendship 
 she may have made. 
 
 Whenever there is a question of a girl leaving 
 home for a distant town, and more especially for a 
 foreign country, the mother may well inform her 
 child of the existence of the White Slave Traffic. 
 There are, though, I believe, large numbers of 
 mothers even who do not know of its existence. 
 Let it be said here then that this terrible business 
 is spread all over the world. It consists of tricking 
 young women into houses of ill fame under pre- 
 tense of finding them situations. The two chief 
 means of enticing girls away are chance acquain- 
 tanceships whilst traveling, and advertisements in 
 the newspapers. 
 
 Provision has been made for the protection of 
 Catholic girls by an international Catholic society. 
 Whenever, therefore, a girl thinks of taking a 
 situation away from home, and especially If she 
 be going to a foreign country, she should first put 
 herself In communication with this society. The 
 address for the United States is: Secretary, St. 
 Joseph's Home, 47 East 8ist Street (between 
 Park and Madison Avenues), New York City. 
 
 The address for England Is: Hon. Secretary, 
 S. B. G., 304 Vauxhall Bridge Road, Westminster. 
 
CHAPTER XII 
 
 CATHOLIC EDUCATION 
 
 The science of education is still young. What 
 is known as " method " in education has made 
 its best development in comparatively recent years. 
 And one of the chief characteristics of this new 
 science is that the best teachers should be ap- 
 pointed to the youngest children. It used to be 
 thought that any one who knew figures and letters 
 could teach the same to a class of babies. But 
 now it has been discovered that the teacher must 
 not only know all about letters and figures, but 
 also all about babies. He must be skilled in the 
 psychology of the child mind. The young intellect 
 may be made or marred forever, according as its 
 first operations are well or ill directed. The boy 
 is the father of the man. The results of child 
 training reach out into youth, manhood, old age, 
 and life eternal. Hence the greatest importance 
 is to be attached to the education of children. 
 Thus it is that educationists are realizing ever 
 more and more the rich content of the principle, 
 
CATHOLIC EDUCATION 153 
 
 " Train up a child in the way he should go and he 
 will not depart from it." 
 
 If this is true of education in general, it is 
 eminently true of Catholic education in particular. 
 The future of the Catholic Church in any country 
 depends on the Catholic education of the children. 
 " Give me the children of England and I will 
 make England Catholic." That was one of the 
 favorite sentiments of the late Cardinal Manning. 
 And as so much concerning Catholic education 
 pertains to family life, all Catholic parents ought 
 to know the leading principles. In the field of 
 politics the education of the people plays a very 
 important role. And in scarcely any country of 
 the world does the Church have its full desire in 
 the matter. It nevertheless continues to work 
 for its ideal, a completely Catholic education for 
 every Catholic child. 
 
 Education, in the best sense of the word, is the 
 formation of habits. The formation of good 
 habits is good education. The formation of bad 
 habits is bad education. Education is not merely 
 the acquisition of knowledge. The necessity of 
 examination, especially competitive examinations, 
 is largely responsible for the impression which 
 Identifies erudition and education. Mere erudi- 
 tion, however, is only a small part of education. 
 
154 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 It pertains to the faculty of memory. Now, the 
 memory must be trained, but not only the memory. 
 All the powers of the child must be brought out to 
 the highest perfection possible. Its intellect must 
 be trained to perceive the truth. Its senses, inter- 
 nal and external, must be trained to perceive what is 
 beautiful. And, above all, its will must be trained 
 to do what is good. Moreover, since the soul, 
 while in this life, depends on the body for its due 
 operation, the body also must be so trained as to 
 keep in a healthy condition. " A sound mind in 
 a sound body " is an axiom as old as the hills. A 
 training in the fundamental laws of hygiene, there- 
 fore, is ministrant to the training of the child's 
 intellectual, esthetical, and moral faculties. 
 
 Further, since man is destined to an eternal life 
 and must attain that eternal life through a life of 
 the spirit in this world, all his natural powers 
 must be made ministrant to this spiritual life. 
 His bodily health, his habits of memory, feeling, 
 taste, intellect, and will must be so trained and 
 directed as to bring forth the best possible fruits 
 in the spiritual Hfe. The supernatural is that 
 which is built on the natural, not that which is 
 built up in mid-air above — separated from the 
 natural. The two merge, one into the other, in 
 such a way that the natural becomes supernatural- 
 
CATHOLIC EDUCATION 1551 
 
 Ized, the psychic becomes spiritualized. In mod- 
 ern parlance the training of the natural faculties, 
 without regard to their supernatural destiny, is 
 called secular education. It is an education 
 adapted merely to the affairs of this world. On 
 the other hand, the training of the natural facul- 
 ties with a view to their supernatural destiny, is 
 called religious education. It is an education 
 adapted to the life of the spirit both here and 
 hereafter. 
 
 From the foregoing fact certain principles fol- 
 low which have an important bearing on present- 
 day educational questions. If man is destined to 
 an eternal life, then he cannot be satisfied with a 
 merely secular education. If grace is ever playing 
 around nature and spiritualizing It, then, under 
 such circumstances, nature will not be satisfied 
 with merely natural occupations and interests. 
 Being spiritualized by a supernatural gift. It must 
 seek a supernatural end and live a supernatural 
 life. A father, then, who leaves a child to choose 
 its own religion, and make its first efforts in spirit- 
 uality, only In after years does the child a grievous 
 wrong. What should we say of a father who only 
 taught his child to walk and did not teach it to 
 use its hands, on the assumption that it would 
 learn that better in Its age of discretion? Yet 
 
156 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 that, and something worse, is what the father does 
 when he leaves the child to choose its own religion. 
 He leaves Its spiritual limbs undeveloped, rudi- 
 mentary, useless. And, since to the Catholic the 
 Catholic religion is the divinely appointed means 
 by which the spiritual life is developed, the Catho- 
 lic father does his child a grievous wrong if he 
 does not provide it with the best Catholic educa- 
 tion possible. 
 
 Again, if, on the one hand, secular education 
 ought to be spiritualized by the Catholic faith, 
 on the other hand Catholic education should avail 
 itself of the advantages of secular subjects. The 
 Catholic religion being the revelation of Truth 
 itself must appeal to the faculty which has truth 
 for its object. Being a reasonable religion it must 
 appeal to the reason. The more the reason is 
 cultivated, therefore, the better is it able to appre- 
 hend the divine revelation. If, as some education- 
 ists hold, Euclid and Latin composition are the 
 best means of making a boy think, then proficiency 
 in Euclid and Latin composition must be a help 
 in giving the boy a grasp of his religion. 
 
 Again, the Catholic religion is the religion of 
 the highest morality. It is the religion which is 
 marked out above all others by its fruitfulness in 
 moral goodness, its production of saints. It must, 
 
CATHOLIC EDUCATION 157 
 
 therefore, appeal to that faculty which has good- 
 ness for its object. It must appeal to the will as 
 affording it the widest' arena for its exercise and 
 satisfaction, nothing less than the striving for the 
 perfect imitation of Jesus Christ. It must appeal 
 to the will also, as affording it the strength to 
 arrive at moral perfection, the strength which 
 comes through the grace of the seven Sacraments. 
 
 The stronger, then, a man's will is, the more 
 perfectly it is exercised in the natural virtues, so 
 much the more fitted is it to avail itself of the 
 helps to supernatural action. Once more, the 
 Catholic religion is a beautiful religion. It must, 
 therefore, appeal to the faculty which has beauty 
 for its object, the esthetic sense. All sound train- 
 ing in the fine arts, therefore, whether in music, 
 painting, or literature, may be used for the devel- 
 opment of the finest and most difficult of all arts, 
 the art of saintliness, the art which absorbs at once 
 all the power of intellect, will, and feeling, the art 
 which expresses the greatest inspirations of truth, 
 goodness, and beauty. 
 
 Much too often do we hear people talk as if 
 piety and intellectual proficiency were incompatible 
 accomplishments. Ability in the arts and sciences 
 is supposed to be an occasion of intellectual pride. 
 So it is. The piety, however, which affects to 
 
158 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 despise these gifts of God is the occasion of a 
 worse sin, the sin of spiritual pride. The natural 
 as well as the supernatural is the creation of Al- 
 mighty God. And if the Catholic school is to 
 fulfill its mission it must aim at proficiency in the 
 natural as well as the supernatural, in the natural 
 for the sake of the supernatural. 
 
 The high aim and nature of Catholic education 
 postulates some important principles in its admin- 
 istration. We come now to consider, then, the 
 relationships between the school and the family, 
 the school and the Church, the school and the 
 State. The schoolmaster, the parent, the bishop, 
 and the statesman, all have something to say in 
 the matter of the conduct of the Catholic school. 
 The question is complicated, admits of different 
 opinions as to details, and, therefore, cannot be 
 solved off-hand or dogmatically. There are, how- 
 ever, certain leading principles about which the 
 Catholic can have no doubt, and which he must 
 keep clearly before his mind in his efforts to adjust 
 the various claims. 
 
 The first and most Important principle Is that 
 the children belong to the parent under God. They 
 do not belong to the State. Certain States, or 
 rather certain statesmen, claim this right of pos- 
 session. The Catholic can never admit it. The 
 
CATHOLIC EDUCATION 159 
 
 parents are the authors of the child's body and 
 the parents' wills are the occasion of the creation 
 of the child's soul. The parents, therefore, have 
 confided to their care the nourishment and the edu- 
 cation of their children. The mother is fitted by 
 nature for the bearing, the nursing, and the educa- 
 tion of children in their earliest years. The father 
 is fitted by nature for providing for the mainte- 
 nance of all during these years, and providing for 
 the continuance of the education in after years. 
 The State has nothing whatever to do with the 
 possession of the children. 
 
 The State exists for the welfare of the temporal 
 interests of the nation. If, therefore, the temporal 
 interests of the nation demand a certain standard 
 of education in the youth of the nation, the State 
 has the right to require such an education from 
 the parents. And in default of the parents ful- 
 filling this obligation, the State has a right to 
 administer such education itself. In doing so, 
 however, it must respect the higher interests of 
 religion. 
 
 The children belong to the parents under God. 
 The parents, therefore, have the right to dictate 
 to the State as to the religion in which the children 
 are to be brought up. The parents, moreover, if 
 they are Catholics, have the duty of submitting 
 
i6o MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 to the guidance of the Church in the adjusting 
 of the religious and secular claims. 
 
 The conditions of present-day society make it 
 generally convenient that the State should provide 
 at least the elementary, and, for the most part, 
 the secondary and higher education of the country. 
 The fact of the government being democratic or 
 monarchical makes no difference to the Catholic 
 principle. Both are compatible with it. Whether 
 as a representative body carrying out the will of 
 the people, or as an absolute monarch carrying 
 out his own will, the ruling body has only the right 
 to administer secular education in so far as it is 
 compatible with the religious education of the 
 children. So long as this principle is saved, 
 there may be much give and take on both sides. 
 The parents must reserve to themselves the 
 right to say what religion shall be taught to the 
 children. 
 
 The parents, however, are not absolute masters 
 of their own children. The Power who created 
 all men has the possession of all men. The par- 
 ents, therefore, must educate their children accord- 
 ing to the will of God. To the Catholic this 
 means that he must be guided by the Church. 
 Governments, however, do not treat with individ- 
 uals, but with representatives of all. Individual 
 
CATHOLIC EDUCATION i6i 
 
 members of Parliament or Congress treat with 
 individual Catholics at election time. That is the 
 opportunity for the Catholic's action, but even 
 then it must be according to the advice of the 
 bishop. But when it comes to a conference be- 
 tween the State as a body and the Church as a 
 body, then the bishops assume their right to say 
 what are the Church's requirements. Catholic 
 statesmen have no right whatever to make terms; 
 with governments, except with the consent and 
 under the direction of the episcopate. 
 
 Owing to diversity of religions and diversity of 
 races, nearly every country in the world holds a 
 different arrangement between the Church and the 
 State. So the Catholic teacher often finds It diffi- 
 cult to adjust the claims of the various parties 
 which In different degrees he represents. He may 
 be engaged directly by the parent, as In the case 
 of a private tutor or governess; or by the State, 
 as In the State schools of the United States ; or by 
 the Church, as In the parochial schools and col- 
 leges of higher education In this country; or by 
 both State and Church combined, as In the denom- 
 inational schools in England. And when he enters 
 into his engagement he is bound in honor to keep 
 to the terms of his engagement. 
 
 In most cases, however, he is allowed a certain 
 
i62 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 amount of freedom. It is the head teacher of the 
 school who gives the tone to the school. It is 
 well, then, that he should keep before his mind 
 the ideal at which he ought to aim in so far as is 
 consistent with the terms of his engagement. It is 
 well that Catholics who have a vote in his appoint- 
 ment should have this ideal before their minds. 
 And it is well that non-Catholics should have the 
 Catholic ideal set before them. 
 
 Now the chief characteristic of this ideal is that 
 the teacher, whether he be paid by the parents or 
 by the Church or by the State, is primarily and 
 essentially continuing the work of the parents and 
 not directly that of the Church or of the State. 
 The very existence of the teacher depends only on 
 the assumption of the parents not being able to 
 carry out the work of education themselves. Of 
 course, in so far as the parents are bound to act 
 under the direction of the Church or the State, so is 
 the teacher. But directly his ideal is to carry out 
 the work which essentially belongs to the parents 
 and which they cannot conveniently perform with- 
 out him. 
 
 The Catholic school, therefore, since it is merely 
 a continuation of the family life, and exists merely 
 to help the family to fulfill its destiny, will have its 
 spirit and tone and plans arranged accordingly. 
 
CATHOLIC EDUCATION 163 
 
 Its first principle will be to aim at training the 
 children for future family life. 
 
 Schools taught by religious or clergy are not 
 primarily schools for religious or priestly voca- 
 tions. Doubtless it is the duty of such religious 
 and clergy to watch carefully for vocations, and 
 to see that no hindrance Is put In the way. But 
 they must ever remember that a vocation is an 
 extraordinary gift, whilst marriage is a Sacrament 
 and Intended for the generality of men. A school, 
 therefore, whether fitted for elementary, middle, 
 or higher education, whether taught by religious 
 or laity, should be characterized by Its likeness to 
 family life. When St. Ignatius conceived and 
 formulated his idea of Jesuit colleges, he did not 
 intend those wonderful boarding establishments, 
 such as Stonyhurst and , Beaumont, Georgetown 
 and Fordham. He wished to have day colleges 
 so that the pupils should remain as much as pos- 
 sible under the direct Influence of parents and 
 home. 
 
 But boarding colleges and convent schools are 
 now a necessity. There is, however, a more strin- 
 gent obligation on them of approximating as 
 nearly as possible to the family ideal. This is 
 more especially necessary in the schools for girls. 
 The prevailing spirit of these schools should be 
 
i64 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 that of training the future mothers of Catholic 
 families. 
 
 The mother is the priestess of the home. She 
 it is who holds the home together. She is the all- 
 important factor in developing the ideal of Catho- 
 lic family life. Personal piety will be her first 
 accomplishment. Then will come the ordinary 
 school subjects, with " extras," according to the 
 future social status of the child. Then she must be 
 taught how to play. We have hardly yet begun to 
 learn the gospel of Froebel : " Let us teach our 
 children to play." Cricket and tennis and drill 
 have their place, and so has the doll and the doll's 
 house. Then, as the school years draw to an end 
 there are the important subjects of cookery and 
 housekeeping. The Catholic school that neglects 
 these fails to grasp one of its grandest opportuni- 
 ties of furthering its noble aims; that is, of 
 strengthening the family life, of making the nation 
 more Catholic, of hastening the coming of the 
 kingdom of God. 
 
 From the foregoing principles there follow some 
 practical conclusions. Parents will first strive to 
 realize that, since the education of children pri- 
 marily belongs to them, and only by delegation to 
 the teachers, they, the parents, have the obligation 
 of seeking out the most suitable school for their 
 
CATHOLIC EDUCATION 16$ 
 
 children. The nearest school Is not necessarily 
 the most suitable. Nor is the cheapest. The 
 school must first of all be Catholic. Then, In the 
 case of elementary education, the school of the 
 parish or mission will generally be found to be 
 efficient. The elementary school of one's own 
 parish, therefore, has the first claim upon a par- 
 ent's consideration. 
 
 In the case of middle class or higher education, 
 the parents will choose by preference a day high 
 school or college. Then, if the circumstances of 
 the family require a boarding-school or college, 
 the idea of home life will receive the chief con- 
 sideration. If the future circumstances of the 
 children are such that they can dispense with exam- 
 inations, then a school which is exempt from public 
 examinations is better than one subject to them. 
 The majority of children, however, require paper 
 qualifications for their start in professional studies. 
 The Catholic parent need have no fear whatever 
 as to the proficiency of Catholic schools In securing 
 excellent results at examinations. 
 
 Having used their utmost discretion in the 
 choice of a school, the parents will do well not to 
 meddle with the teacher. An obvious irregularity 
 may arise, in which case It Is the parents' duty 
 to act. But, generally speaking, the head master 
 
1 66 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 or the head mistress of the school must be trusted 
 to do what is best for the child. To change the 
 school, even once, unnecessarily, is to set back the 
 child's education. To be ever taking the child's 
 part against the teacher is simply to ruin the 
 child's character. Nevertheless the parent should 
 exercise a supervision over the child's school 
 career. If the child is backward and there does 
 not appear sufficient reason to account for that, 
 it should be medically examined for adenoids. 
 
 Lastly, if the children are to be educated by 
 a private governess, then the parents must form 
 the habit of mind, and the children and the gov- 
 erness herself must feel it, that she is, as a member 
 of the family, strictly in loco parentis, entitled to 
 deep respect and consideration. She is not called 
 in as a household drudge, but as one even more 
 qualified than the parents themselves to fulfill their 
 high vocation of forming the characters of chil- 
 dren, of making them Catholic in mind and in 
 heart, of leading them to their eternal destiny. 
 
 The same principle of parental responsibility 
 holds good with regard to ecclesiastical authori- 
 ties, who undertake the burden of providing a 
 Catholic education for Catholic families. If the 
 State so far neglects its duty that the Church has 
 to provide elementary schools, then the parents 
 
CATHOLIC EDUCATION 167, 
 
 ought to support these schools generously. It is 
 not right to allow the priest to go and beg, beg, 
 beg, to support a work which is essentially the 
 work of parents. 
 
 So, too, with the high schools and colleges. It 
 ought to be quite unnecessary to say it, yet under 
 the circumstances one must say it, parents ought 
 to pay their school bills regularly and promptly. 
 The work done by such schools and colleges is 
 infinitely more valuable than the money ouday 
 for their material support. It is the least that 
 parents can do to see that the work is not ham- 
 pered by what so frequently happens, the accumu- 
 lation of bad debts. The work is God's work, 
 and those who are primarily responsible for it are 
 the parents of families. They have received the 
 Sacrament of marriage. They have received the 
 graces to bear its burdens. It is not an easy state 
 of life. But with the graces which the Sacrament 
 confers the married pair are made strong for all 
 exigencies, temporal as well as spiritual. 
 
CHAPTER XIII 
 THE CATHOLIC FAMILY 
 
 The ideal of the Catholic family has been once 
 fully realized. There have been many good exam- 
 ples, all more or less approaching the ideal. But 
 9II except one must be regarded as having failed, 
 at least in some respects, to achieve the perfection 
 of family life. That one, of course, is the Holy 
 Family of Nazareth. Since, therefore, God has 
 given us the ideal fully realized in the concrete, 
 it Js to that rather than the more remote symbols 
 that we must go for our lessons as to what the 
 Catholic family should be. The Word was made 
 flesh to reveal to us the mind of the Eternal 
 Father. In order, then, to learn the mind of the 
 Eternal Father concerning the nature and end of 
 the Catholic family life we cannot do better than 
 turn our thoughts to the little home at Nazareth. 
 The school of the Apostles was formed by Our 
 Lord during the years of His public ministry. 
 Then, having been organized by Him during His 
 
THE CATHOLIC FAMILY 169 
 
 lifetime, it was fully promulgated and endowed 
 with its special gifts after His death, by the descent 
 of the Holy Ghost on the day of Pentecost. The 
 purpose of the Incarnation was the salvation of 
 souls. The purpose of the Church was the salva- 
 tion of souls. The purpose of the first Catholic 
 Family was the salvation of souls. The first and 
 foremost purpose, then, of every Catholic family 
 is to obtain for its members the possession of 
 everlasting life. The family does not exist merely 
 for the sake of the love of husband and wife; nor 
 for the love of parent and children; nor for the 
 acquisition of worldly fortunes; nor for the pro- 
 motion of the children in business; nor for the 
 material prosperity of nations. All these are law- 
 ful and subordinate aims, subordinate to the final 
 aim which is to help immortal souls to get to 
 heaven. This is the first and, in a sense, the only 
 lesson to be learned from the Holy Family of Naz- 
 areth*; the purpose of the Catholic family is the 
 undoing of sin, the hindrance of sin, the propa- 
 gation of those truths and virtues which lead to 
 life eternal. 
 
 The child Jesus grew in wisdom and age and 
 grace in the eyes of God and of men. Although 
 possessing the Beatific Vision, and consequently 
 all wisdom, knowledge, and grace, yet Jesus 
 
lyo MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 deemed it expedient to acquire an experimental 
 knowledge of things, to learn from Joseph and 
 Mary the great truths about religion, and how to 
 apply them to the development of the spiritual 
 life. Jesus was the foundation of all grace. He 
 was knowledge itself ; He was wisdom itself ; but 
 He chose that His wisdom and knowledge and 
 grace should be manifested gradually. He chose 
 to undergo that laborious education to set the 
 example to all Christian families, to show them 
 that it was only by constant teaching and learning 
 that Christian character could be formed. The 
 Christian mother, then, assiduously watches for 
 the first dawn of conscience in her child. She 
 knows, or ought to know, that first impressions are 
 the most effective and most lasting. She delights 
 to take her child on her knees and teach it to pray. 
 Her pride is to show her friends how her little 
 one can say the " Our Father " and the " Hail 
 Mary." The time at length comes when the child 
 must be sent to school. There must be no question 
 about the character of the school, it must be 
 Catholic. 
 
 The Catholic school will undoubtedly possess 
 a Catholic atmosphere. The constant or frequent 
 presence of priests or religious, ■ the Catholic 
 prayers, the statues and the fixtures, all tend to 
 
THE CATHOLIC FAMILY 171 
 
 keep before the mind of the child the fact that he 
 is a Catholic. 
 
 Now the Catholic home ought to be at least 
 as Catholic as the Catholic school. There ought 
 to be prominent signs about the house that It is 
 the abode of a Catholic family. There is a feeling 
 In some families, having pretensions to be up-to- 
 date and fashionable, to regard a religious picture 
 in the drawing-room as out of place. This feeling 
 Is generally the fruit of worldliness. It Is also, in 
 a measure, due to the large number of inferior 
 pictures which flood the market, those cheap litho- 
 graphs of the Pope or the bishop, which are a 
 compliment to neither. A zealous father of a 
 Catholic family will make an endeavor to hang 
 up one or two good and really artistic religious 
 pictures. They give a tone to the house, Impress- 
 ing the faith on the minds of the members of the 
 family, and expressing the faith of the family to 
 visitors. 
 
 More important even than Catholic art Is 
 Catholic literature. These are days when every- 
 body reads or, at least. Is supposed to read. And 
 it is notorious that Catholics do not buy books as 
 they should. Our Holy Father has warned us that 
 unless we support a good Catholic press it will be 
 useless for us to build schools and churched. Now, 
 
172 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 the Catholic Church is not wanting either in excel- 
 lent writers or excellent publishers. Our book 
 stores are rich in devotional, scientific, and recrea- 
 tive literature. The crying shame is that so little 
 of this finds its way into the Catholic family. 
 Heads of Catholic families, therefore, ought to 
 see to it at once that there is a shelf for religious 
 literature, that there is a regular subscription to 
 some monthly or quarterly Catholic journal, and, 
 especially among the working classes, a subscrip- 
 tion to some Catholic weekly newspaper. It is 
 chiefly through the press that the members of the 
 family learn their relationship to other institu- 
 tions in the world. The secular press keeps them 
 provided with political news and so constantly 
 reminds them of their civic duties. But the secular 
 press is not an ideal medium for showing the 
 Catholic his duty to the State. 
 
 Especially In the matter of education does the 
 Catholic need to know the bearings between the 
 mind of the Church and the mind of the State. 
 And he ought to know this not only on general 
 principles, but also in the application of those 
 principles to the particular circumstances of his 
 country. He must know what the bishops have 
 said, what the government has done to this or that 
 particular school or college, and what the govern- 
 
THE CATHOLIC FAMILY 173 
 
 ment proposes to do with schools and colleges in 
 the future. In a word, he must be alive to his 
 duties as a Catholic citizen. The family life is 
 the foundation of true citizenship. Since, there- 
 fore, the Catholic press is the means by which the 
 Catholic learns the bearings between the family, 
 the Church, the State, the Catholic press ought 
 to be an institution in every Catholic household. 
 
 " And Jesus went down with them, and came to 
 Nazareth and was subject unto them." Order is 
 said to be heaven's first command. If, on the 
 other handj love be said to be the first and final 
 law of heaven, the statement must be qualified 
 by making the love a well-ordered love. Even 
 sin is only love out of order, the love of something 
 contrary to the Divine Will. So also in the family 
 life love must be the ruling principle, but it must 
 be a well-ordered love. Our Lord, therefore, in 
 order to teach us this lesson went down with His 
 parents to Nazareth, and was subject unto them. 
 Nowhere outside the bosom of the Blessed Trinity 
 was a triple love so perfect as that love between 
 Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Yet St. Joseph was the 
 head and ruler of the family. It was St. Joseph 
 who was told to fear not, but take Mary to be his 
 spouse. It was St. Joseph who was told by the 
 angel to arise and take the Child and His mother 
 
174 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 and flee into Egypt. It was St. Joseph who was 
 divinely commanded to return and take Mary and 
 Jesus to Nazareth. Although Mary was so much 
 spiritually exalted over Joseph, yet Joseph was to 
 be the ruler of the family. And although Jesus was 
 so much spiritually exalted over Joseph and Mary, 
 yet in the family He was to be subject to both. 
 
 Here, then, is the rule for the Catholic family. 
 The father is to be supreme ruler, the mother is 
 to rule in her sphere under him, the children are to 
 be subject to both. Moreover, the subjection of 
 the children is not to be a slavish subjection, but 
 a filial subjection. It must be informed by love 
 rather than by fear. There must, of course, be 
 a certain fear present in the children, but a rev- 
 erential fear, a fear by which one is afraid of 
 offending love, rather than a fear by which one 
 is afraid of punishment. Further, the obedience 
 of children is not unlimited. If parents command 
 anything contrary to divine law the duty of the 
 children is to disobey. In cases of doubt, how- 
 ever, the presumption is in favor of the parents. 
 But wherever there is a question of family interest 
 or domestic arrangements the will of the parents 
 must be obeyed. It is not for children to say 
 which school they shall go to, to say where the 
 family shall take up its abode, to say at what hour 
 
THE CATHOLIC FAMILY 175 
 
 the family shall dine, to say what time they shall 
 come in at night. These are points upon which 
 children frequently mistake their place in the fam- 
 ily, points in which they are obviously subject to 
 their parents. 
 
 There comes a time, too, when children grow 
 up. The relationships between them and their 
 parents then become somewhat modified. Never- 
 theless, there still remain the duties of reverence 
 and love. The children are free to choose their 
 own states of life. In this they are not bound to 
 follow the wishes of their parents, but they arc 
 bound to consult their parents and to weigh the 
 considerations which they put forth. Then, later, 
 when the parents are overtaken with old age, the 
 children are bound in cases of necessity to support 
 them. 
 
 The Holy Family at Nazareth was very poor. 
 Consequently we cannot look to it directly for 
 an example in the question of servants. But we 
 can easily imagine how Our Lady would have 
 acted did she have need to call in a little extra 
 help now and then. We shall only fall short of 
 the mark when we do our best with our imagina- 
 tion, to picture the kind and gentle consideration 
 which Our Lady would have shown to any one 
 who did her a service. From that picture, how- 
 
176 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 ever, we may get some hints as to the relation- 
 ship between masters, or rather mistresses, and 
 servants in the circumstances of modern society. 
 iThe servants of to-day are not on a level with 
 the children of the household; nor yet are they 
 on a level with the slaves of an ancient Roman 
 household. They are not the goods and chattels 
 of those who employ them. Their service is that 
 of free contract. And it Is something more. 
 Since the servants live in the house, the house Is, 
 in a sense, their home. 
 
 It Is the duty, therefore, of the mistress of the 
 house to arrange matters for the servants in 
 such a way that they shall feel that they have a 
 home. They must have opportunities for their 
 religious duties, whether they be Catholic or Prot- 
 estant. They must have a reasonable amount of 
 opportunity for recreation. They must have their 
 wages paid promptly. A mistress can insist upon 
 her servants being kept up to the mark in their 
 work, and yet insist kindly. And she will do well 
 to examine her conscience frequently as to how 
 often she has engaged in gossip about the servants' 
 faults. There are some women who can spend 
 whole afternoons and evenings talking on that 
 and no other topic. If a servant Is so bad she has 
 no longer any right to be in the place. 
 
THE CATHOLIC FAMILY, 177 
 
 A word should be said, too, as to the treatment 
 of servants in illness. They cannot expect the 
 same affection as the children; but since they are 
 members of the household they ought, at least, 
 have the attendance of the family physician, and 
 all things necessary to get them well again. Here 
 is a point where Catholic wives may set an ex- 
 ample to the generality of society dames. The 
 servant may not be set above the head of her 
 mistress, but neither may she be trampled under 
 foot. 
 
 From the principles of order and superiority 
 and subjection in the family there arises the duty 
 of the parents, and especially of the father, of pro- 
 viding for the material well-being of the children. 
 There is an Impression prevalent that worldly 
 success and Roman Catholicism are not com- 
 patible. And it is certainly true that in many 
 Protestant communities the Catholic is at a dis- 
 advantage. That is only an extra reason why 
 Catholics should make themselves more proficient 
 in their respective trades and professions. If a 
 Catholic lawyer, or doctor, or engineer, excels in 
 his own vocation, then Protestant, Jew, and Infidel, 
 will engage him in preference. And if he shines 
 in his Catholicity as he does in his profession, then 
 the cause of Catholicity will benefit in proportion. 
 
 12 
 
178 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD 
 
 The father of the Catholic family, therefore, must 
 provide his children with a good secular education. 
 The school must be Catholic, but it must likewise 
 be efficient in its secular subjects. Piety must come 
 before worldly success, but it need not be allowed 
 to supplant it. We have schools in abundance, 
 schools as efficient as any secular schools in the 
 country. There is no need to go outside the 
 Church, though there may be need to use discrim- 
 ination within the Church. And this discrimina- 
 tion is the office of the parents of the family. 
 
 We may sum up, then, the principles of Catholic 
 family life thus : The family is the foundation of 
 the State, and the strength and purity of the State 
 depend on the strength and purity of the family. 
 The family, however, is not the foundation of 
 the Church, but is rather the child of the Church, 
 taking its instructions from the Church, and exist- 
 ing primarily for the same end as the Church, 
 namely, the salvation of souls. It should, there- 
 fore, be Catholic in its faith. Catholic in its hope, 
 and Catholic in its love. The Catholic faith will 
 be fostered by ceaseless attention to the Sacra- 
 ments, to Catholic education during youth, and 
 Catholic instruction through the press during man- 
 hood. From Catholic faith and hope will spring 
 Catholic love. This will be made ever more and 
 
THE CATHOLIC FAMILY. 179 
 
 more fruitful by being kept in order, the father 
 and mother ruling by love, the children obeying 
 through love. The endeavor must be made to 
 carry these Catholic principles into the world of 
 business and professions, and to show to the non- 
 Catholic world that religion and intellectual effi- 
 ciency are not incompatible ; nay, to show that only 
 by the observance of the law of religion can the 
 family, and consequently the State, achieve the 
 perfection which it desires.