BOY PROBLEM 
 THE HOME 
 
 \ViaiAMBYR»iFORBUSHFH.D. 
 
ALBERT R. MANN 
 LIBRARY 
 
 New York State Colleges 
 
 OF 
 
 Agriculture and Home Economics 
 
 AT 
 
 Cornell University 
 
"Q 775.F76r'"''"'^^^»V Library 
 
Cornell University 
 Jbrary 
 
 The original of tliis book is in 
 tine Cornell University Library. 
 
 There are no known copyright restrictions in 
 the United States on the use of the text. 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924013727064 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN 
 THE HOME 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM 
 
 IN THE HOME 
 
 By 
 
 WILLIAM BYRON FORBUSH 
 
 Author of "The Boy Problem" 
 
 THE PILGRIM PRESS 
 
 BOSTON NEW VORK CHICAGO 
 
CorTRIGBT 1915 
 
 By WILLIAM BYRON FORBUSH 
 
 THE PILGRIM PRESS 
 BOSTON 
 
PREFACE 
 
 This book differs in several ways from others written 
 upon the home training of children. It is entirely about 
 boys. It deals with boys at all ages. (Some writers dodge 
 the high-school age.) It has to do solely with three things: 
 home government, sex discipline and religious nurture. 
 
 There are many other interesting phases of the education 
 of boys. There is the boy in relation to his gang, but the 
 author has treated that in his earlier book, "The Boy Prob- 
 lem." There is the boy in relation to the school and society, 
 but the author has touched that in "The Coming Generation." 
 Then there is the boy and the church, but in "Church Work 
 with Boys" the writer has thought about that. Other phases 
 remain: the natural repugnance of boys to Botticelli; their 
 immunity from the great English classics; their affinity for 
 the baseball page in the morning papers; their scorn of 
 afternoon tea. Only lack of space has prevented considera- 
 tion of these genial themes in this book. 
 
 The sons who inspired "The Boy Problem" in 1901 have 
 now grown to manhood. Had they not all turned out well 
 this book would not have been written. Yet they have not 
 been referred to often here, because they have not been clini- 
 cal subjects. They have rather been like friends who drop 
 into an artist's studio while he is painting an allegorical 
 picture and consent occasionally to sit for likenesses as his 
 characters. After the author has outlined his theories they 
 have been obliging enough usually to look the part. 
 
 But there is one, whose eternal girlhood hardly suggests 
 even now that she is a mother, to whom they and this book 
 and the author owe everything. 
 
 William Byron Forbush. 
 
 The American Institute 
 
 of Child Life 
 
 Philadelphia 
 
 [v] 
 
WHAT THE PROBLEM IS 
 
 "Our aim in the discipline of children," says Edward 
 Howard Griggs, "is to lead them to love and will the best." 
 
 This is the aim, and it is the only right aim. The training 
 of our children is not for the purpose of protecting ourselves 
 or themselves or the public from their misdeeds, nor even 
 for the purpose of forcibly preventing them from committing 
 them. 
 
 Another way of saying the same thing is to remark that, 
 while the discipline of obedience to us may be necessary 
 during early childhood, it is only in order that the child may 
 become able later to obey himself. Patterson Du Bois puts 
 it this way: "'I will conquer that child, no matter what it 
 may cost him!' boasts the misguided parent. But suppose 
 the parent should say, T will help that child to conquer 
 himself, no matter what it may cost me.' " 
 
 Griggs illustrates the two kinds of obedience in the follow- 
 ing allusion: "The Greeks, who believed so thoroughly in 
 the positive view of life, have given us the clue to the right 
 method of moral culture in the old story of the Sirens. Both 
 Ulysses and Orpheus passed the Sirens, escaped falling 
 victims to the allurements of evil, but how differently. When 
 Ulysses realized that he was near the Sirens he had the ears 
 of his sailors stopped, and caused himself to be bound to the 
 mast. When he came within hearing of the Siren music he 
 was charmed by it and struggled to free himself, calling 
 loudly to the sailors to release him that he might go to the 
 sweet singers. The sailors, not hearing, were untempted, 
 and they rowed him by. They rowed him by! That is all 
 one can say. It was small credit to the moral character of 
 
 [vii] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 Ulysses, though much to his prudential foresight. On the 
 other hand, when Orpheus came within hearing of the Sirens, 
 he played so sweetly upon the instrument he had invented 
 and sang so wondrously that he was not tempted to leave the 
 ship, nor were his comrades. It is symbolic of the whole 
 problem of moral living: to waken from the instrument of 
 one's own life such music that one is untempted by the Siren 
 song of evil." 
 
 I cannot but think that Ray Stannard Baker summed up 
 the great purpose of the home training of boys when he said 
 once that "The one essential purpose of education is to set 
 an individual to going from within; to start his machinery so 
 that he will run himself." 
 
 What we are after is self-propelling goodness. We are 
 trying to produce men who will do right because they like to. 
 
 [ viii ] 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER PACK 
 
 Preface v 
 
 What the Problem Is vii 
 
 BOOK I 
 
 THE HOME TRAINING OF YOUNG BOYS 
 
 I The Child's Attitude 3 
 
 How children regard law — How children break the 
 law — How children regard punishment 
 
 II The Parent's Attitude 11 
 
 The parent as educator — The right to ask obedience 
 — The right to disobey — A discussion of fairness — The 
 grace to overlook — The need of firmness — Can a "good 
 fellow" be firm? 
 
 III Methods of Government 29 
 
 Government by suggestion — Government by words — 
 Government through choice 
 
 IV Government by Punishment 36 
 
 "Natural" punishment — Corporal punishment 
 
 V Government by Reward 51 
 
 Government by reward — Government by emulation — 
 Government by activity 
 
 VI Sex Discipline 54 
 
 Methods — Who is the best one to do it? — The periods 
 of boyhood — The boy before eight — Motherhood — 
 Fatherhood 
 
 VII Religious Nurture 64 
 
 The child's nurture — Teaching about God — Teaching 
 about duty— Habit-forming — Habits of reverence — 
 Reverence in prayer — ^Attention in prayer — How to 
 teach a child to pray — A treasury of prayers — ^Exam- 
 ple— Play— Stories— The little child and the Bible— 
 Church-going and Sunday school 
 
 VIII Facts for Encouragement 97 
 
 The child is on our side — Self-control 
 
 Summary loi 
 
 References 102 
 
 [ix] 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 BOOK II 
 THE HOME TRAINING OF SCHOOLBOYS 
 
 CHAPTER PAGE 
 
 IX The Parent's Attitude 109 
 
 Honesty — Listening — Foresight — Insight — Osmpanion- 
 ship — Fitness 
 
 X The Child's Attitude I3S 
 
 Relation to law — The artful dodger — Obstinacy — Indi- 
 vidualism — Sociability 
 
 XI Obedience i47 
 
 XII Methods of Government iS3 
 
 Suggestion — Explanation — Persuasion — Diversion — 
 Drill— Activity 
 
 XIII Government by Punishment 161 
 
 XIV More Methods of Government 167 
 
 Choice the successor of obedience — Will-training — 
 Parent and teacher 
 
 XV Sex Discipline ^ . . . 176 
 
 The problem and the period — Self-abuse — Seminal 
 emissions — Sex worries — Further instruction 
 
 XVI Religious NuRTtntE 184 
 
 Will-training by habit-forming — Mastering a code — 
 Relations with others — The training of the feelings 
 
 XVII Facts for ENCOtJRAGEMENT 211 
 
 Summary 213 
 
 References 213 
 
 BOOK III 
 THE HOME TRAINING OF ADOLESCENT BOYS 
 
 XVIII Developments of Adolescence 219 
 
 Physical development — Emotional changes — Social in- 
 stincts — Moral awakening — Summary of conditions 
 
 XIX Methods of Government 228 
 
 Physical management — Management of the emotions — 
 Social management — Moral relations: will 
 
 XX Ruling Motives . . _ . . • . . ; • • -239 
 Self-respect — Hero-worship— Responsibility — Chivalry 
 — A life purpose — Combination of motives 
 
 XXI The Prodigal 250 
 
 The situation and its causes — Shall he be put to work? 
 -^Shall we send him away to school? — Shall we let 
 him wander? — Influences that will bring him home 
 
 [x] 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER PAGE 
 
 XXII Sex Discipline 236 
 
 Good motives — Right attitudes — Further instruction 
 
 XXIII Religious Nurture 26s 
 
 Religion as a personal matter — Religious influences — 
 Conversion — Prayer — The Bible — The Church— The 
 Sunday school — Personal influence — Religious living 
 
 XXIV Facts for Encouragement 276 
 
 Summary . . . 278 
 
 References 278 
 
 Index 283 
 
 [xi] 
 
CHAPTER I 
 THE CHILD'S ATTITUDE 
 
 Our problem is to protect our little children from self- 
 harm through the discipline of obedience to ourselves until 
 they are old enough to live a life of not merely defensive but 
 of positive and joyous goodness. 
 
 Horace Bushnell, in one of his sentences of almost lyric 
 beauty, showed insight into the reason for these long years 
 of drill when he said: "And to make the work a sure one, the 
 intrusted soul is allowed to have no will as yet of its own, 
 that this motherhood may more certainly plant the angel in 
 the man." 
 
 In order to do this well we need to learn how these chil- 
 dren regard the law of right and the punishments by which 
 we try to help them. 
 
 How THE Child Regards Law 
 The young child is inherently neither obedient nor dis- 
 obedient. The very liveliness of young children, the abun- 
 dance of their vigorous impulses, brings them into conflict 
 with law as represented by the wills of adults about them. 
 As Sully says: 
 
 "The child has his natural wishes and propensities. He 
 is full of fun, bent on his harmless tricks, and the mother has 
 to talk seriously to him about being naughty. How can we 
 wonder at his disliking' the constraint? He has a number of 
 inconvenient, active impulses, such as putting things in dis- 
 order, playing with water, and so forth. As we all know, 
 he has a duck-like fondness for dirty puddles. Civilization, 
 which wills that a child should be nicely dressed and clean, 
 
 [3] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 intervenes in the shape of the nurse and soon puts a stop to 
 this mode of diversion. The tyro in submission, If sound 
 in brain and limb, kicks against the restraint, yells, slaps the 
 nurse, and so forth. 
 
 "Such collisions are perfectly normal in the first years of 
 life. We should not care to see a child give up his inclina- 
 tions at another's bidding vs^ithout some little show of re- 
 sistance. These conflicts are frequent and sharp in proportion 
 to the sanity and vigor of the child. The best children, best 
 from a biological point of view, have, I think, most of the 
 rebel in them." 
 
 Particularly is the child resistant toward precautions set 
 up against dangers which he does not comprehend and to- 
 ward conventions, like manners and table usages, whose 
 value he does not appreciate. Upon these, long-continued 
 conflicts are likely to occur, and the result is that a t3rpical 
 year-old child is angry much of the time. He is compliant 
 toward adults who teach him things to do, but not toward 
 those who make him refrain from doing. To him, as Sully 
 says, "Love is doing everything for his present enjoyment," 
 and when his mother opposes him she must seem to him as 
 if transformed into an ogre to torment him and make him 
 miserable. 
 
 A healthy, natural selfishness is part of the child's nature. 
 He must begin by, first, finding himself and, second, loving 
 himself; and out of these two stages he must come, very 
 gradually, to recognize his brother, his other self. We have 
 no idea of the limitations of a baby's conscience. "People," 
 says Lady Isabel Margesson, "will slap and scold a baby 
 of a year and a half to two years old for being 'naughty,' and 
 then ask it if it is 'sorry.' The baby is supposed to under- 
 stand perfectly what is meant, because it first cries when it 
 is scolded and called naughty, secondly, it comes to kiss its 
 mother when it is asked in a kind voice if it is sorry. One 
 
 [4] 
 
THE CHILD'S ATTITUDE 
 
 moment's consideration of the limitations of a baby's mind 
 and understanding, will show that the crying and the kissing 
 are not in the least due to the ethical sense or to any con- 
 ception of what 'naughty' and 'sorry' mean. They are the 
 reaction of the mother's attitude on him. He is frightened 
 and unhappy at her displeasure, and cries; he is comforted 
 by her subsequent kindness, and comes to kiss her." 
 
 O'Shea says that: "One rarely sees a child before the 
 adolescent period ashamed or mortified or humiliated or even 
 chagrined. There is no evidence that remorse or contrition 
 IS felt before this time. The child may be annoyed and sorry 
 and suppliant, and the like; but these latter attitudes are 
 quite different." 
 
 We may say in general of a young child's attitude toward 
 law that he eagerly seeks his own pleasure regardless of 
 anything but forcible restraint, pain or fear; that he feels 
 no self-condemnation; regards opposition as hostility; and 
 that he does not care much what people think of him. 
 
 When he learns that he makes less trouble for himself by 
 obedience than by disobedience, he obeys. He yields to fear, 
 he submits to strength; later he is conquered by affection, 
 at least to such an extent that he prefers caresses and pleas- 
 ant expressions to scolding and alienation from his parent. 
 
 Where he cannot resist law directly he does so indirectly. 
 He delays, he quibbles, he "eases off" obedience by doing 
 his duty partially, he lays his blame on others, he accuses his 
 accuser. 
 
 Yet the child likes regularity. This is perhaps a sort of 
 elementary sense of justice. If he has been taught to ar- 
 range the dishes on his tray in an orderly manner, he soon 
 insists on having them always placed exactly in that order. 
 He likes to have the same commands for the same duties, and 
 he objects to exceptions. 
 
 And what he has been made to do himself he likes to insist 
 
 [5] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 upon with his juniors. He is "a bully by birth," and what 
 he gains by suggestion from his superiors he likes to work 
 out on his inferiors, such as his younger brothers and the 
 smaller boys on the street. 
 
 We can easily see what these facts imply. We ought to 
 be reasonable ourselves, but it is largely a waste of time to 
 give reasons to a young child. Restless toward coercive 
 discipline, he would rather please than displease and after he 
 has been made firmly and persistently to pursue a right 
 habit he prefers the habit to irregularity. Also he learns 
 something perhaps as to willing right by practising discipline 
 upon his dolls and his juniors. 
 
 How Children Break the Law 
 
 Barnes sums up his extensive studies of the offenses of 
 young children in the following statements: 
 
 "The most common offense is general disorder. 
 
 "One-quarter of the offenses are negative in character. 
 
 "Of the active offenses, a large proportion may be mis- 
 directed energy. 
 
 "Few children commit offenses against the Ten Command- 
 ments." 
 
 This is not a very serious indictment. A glance down one 
 of Barnes' charts shows that below "general disorder" come 
 destroying things, tajking or whispering, neglecting work; 
 fighting or quarreling, running away, but there is almost 
 no story-telling or lying and no real sins or crimes. The 
 offenses are almost all caused through abundant physical 
 energy and restlessness, curiosity, neglecting or avoiding 
 adult mandates and disobeying the to-them-incomprehensi- 
 ble codes of adult order and customs. 
 
 Concerning all these sorts of offenses there are many 
 opportunities for us to misunderstand children, of which most 
 of us avail ourselves. 
 
 [6] 
 
THE CHILD'S ATTITUDE 
 
 Take the matter of disorder. Elizabeth Harrison, in her 
 enlightening book on "Misunderstood Children," gives us 
 the instance of a little boy who was being brought up by a 
 blindly conscientious aunt and who rushed into the midst 
 of her sweeping to invite her out to see some flowers that 
 had just come up and "were going to have a party." 
 His entrance whirled in a gale of wind and sent the dust 
 dancing all over the room. The aunt was in a hurry, and 
 was annoyed by the interruption, and sent him outdoors. 
 After what seemed to him a long time of waiting he opened 
 the door again to ask her if she was " 'most ready." Again 
 her nearly-finished task was undone. She was angry now. 
 True, she had not explained to him why she wanted the 
 door kept shut, but, like many of us, she expected him to 
 understand and obey her intentions. 
 
 "The child's eyes were looking up at her. He had be- 
 come tired of waiting and he simply was asking if she 
 could not come and share his new joy. He had never 
 swept a room, and so he had not noticed that the dust had 
 been scattered by the wind. Just a word of explanation 
 would have made him go ofif happily to some new activity 
 to await her coming. But no. She was in a hurry, and 
 that room must be swept all over again! It was too 
 provoking! ,With resentment tingling in her tone she 
 sharply exclaimed: 
 
 " 'Sammie, go out of this room immediately ! And shut 
 that door! You are a naughty, naughty boy!' 
 
 "The door closed with a bang! A moment more a chair 
 was overthrown on the porch. The boy in his turn was 
 now angry. She bit her lip and once more began the re- 
 sweeping of the room. Bang! Bang! went two more 
 chairs on the porch floor. 
 
 "The upshot was that Sammie was finally shut up in a 
 bedroom until he would promise to be good. A season of 
 
 [7] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 kicking and screaming followed, which soon subsided into 
 long, heart-breaking sobs. 
 
 "At last a week, tired little voice with the sobs still echo- 
 ing in it called through the door: 'I will be good. Aunty' — a 
 sob — 'I will be good.' A sob — but stifled now. Instantly 
 the door was opened and in a moment more the child was 
 nestling in his foster mother's arms. And she was whisper- 
 ing in his ear: 'Aunty is so glad to have her boy back again. 
 She was so sorry to have to punish him.' The child made no 
 reply, but clung closer to her; his lip still trembled; the sobs, 
 coming now and then as she rocked him to and fro, grew 
 fainter and fainter; the loving arms that were clasped around 
 her neck gently relaxed their hold, and soon the quiet, peace- 
 ful breathing told that the child, exhausted by his emotions, 
 was asleep. Nature had come to his rescue and was undoing 
 the mischief done by the poisoning of his blood with the 
 violent excitement of the previous hour. Gently the aunt 
 laid the limp little body on a cot, and, bending over him, she 
 tenderly kissed the tear-stained face. For, as I have said 
 before, she was a good woman and she dearly loved the 
 child." 
 
 "That night when the aunt put Sammie to bed she urged 
 him to tell God that he was sorry and to ask him to make 
 him a good boy. After a considerable struggle he tremu- 
 lously said, 'Please, God, make Sammie to be a good boy.' 
 
 "Then, as if the flood of recollection of the morning were 
 too much for him, he added in a tone that rang with the 
 intensity of his petition: 'And, O God, please don't let Aunt 
 Betty speak that way to me any more I' 
 
 "The scales fell from her eyes. And with the tears stream- 
 ing down her cheeks she picked him up, and as she kissed 
 him again and again she told him that she would ask God 
 that night to help her to be hereafter a good aunt and to refrain 
 from ever speaking crossly to him again." 
 
 [8] 
 
THE CHILD'S ATTITUDE 
 
 To point a moral to this story would spoil it. 
 
 Most of the disorder which children cause is the result of 
 their not comprehending that they are creating any dis- 
 order, and the rest of it is generally the result of the mis- 
 directed energy of their natural instincts. Someone speaks 
 of a little child's "touch-hunger." Pedagogues now recog- 
 nize that most ancient instinct of touch as the prime means 
 of a child's self-education. But a nicely-dressed little lad is 
 left alone for a little while with nothing to play with, or is 
 told to "sit still" — an impossible task to anybody under six — 
 or is told not to touch almost every delightful unknown ob- 
 ject in a new place, or has never been told that he must not 
 tug at mother's white satin gown as well as at her blue 
 gingham, and then, after he has yielded to an instinct as 
 imperious and proper as that of hunger to a starving man, 
 we punish him for disobedience. 
 
 Many of the child's offenses are negative. A young child 
 is played with until his nerves or body cry out with excited 
 exhaustion and then is punished for being "ugly." A child 
 is flooded with numerous and unnecessary and meaningless 
 commands and prohibitions some of which he does not hear, 
 others of which he does not understand and others of which 
 he forgets and as the result is regarded by his adults as a 
 miserable sinner who has done that which he ought not to 
 have done and left undone that which he ought to have done, 
 and who has no health in him. 
 
 Our misunderstandings of children's offenses should give 
 us light upon another matter which is of importance if we 
 are rightly to govern them. 
 
 How Children Regard Punishment 
 The child, when punished, is frightened and is unhappy at 
 the displeasure of his mother, and he is comforted by her 
 subsequent kindness. He has no clear moral sense of shame, 
 
 [9] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 but he suffers through a feeling of estrangement, of loneli- 
 ness, of self-restriction. Sully quotes in this connection the 
 pathetic remark of the little boy who told his mother that if 
 he could say to God what he liked it would be: "Love me 
 when I'm naughty." 
 
 In the matter of response to punishments there is a diflfer- 
 ence, according to the temperament of children, even when 
 they are very young. Mrs. Wiggin tells of the child "over 
 Hardscrabble way" who "acted discouraged from the time 
 it was two weeks old." Such an infant Job would evidently 
 greet correction in a different mood from a youthful 
 Orpheus. The nervous child soon ceases kicking and 
 screaming when he finds himself without an audience, but 
 there is a type of child whom no counter-irritation can de- 
 flect and no punishment prevent from carrying his expres- 
 sions of wrath to the furthest extreme. 
 
 There is an interesting fact as to the matter of the response 
 of children to authority. The respect for authority is so 
 innate that children seldom express anger toward those from 
 whom they have learned that they can get no advantage. 
 And, as Mrs. Kate Upson Clark says: 
 
 "No well-managed boy lives who is not glad in his soul, 
 whatever he may say, that his mother makes him mind, and 
 maintains a wholesome discipline. He is proud that she 
 can do it." 
 
 [lO] 
 
CHAPTER II 
 THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 As the administrators of law, just, firm, kindly, sympa- 
 thetic, and thus as the representatives of God to our ignorant, 
 affectionate and helpless children, how much is demanded 
 of us! 
 
 "O'er wayward childhood wouldst thou hold firm rule, 
 And sun thee in the light of happy faces? 
 Love, Hope and Patience, these must be thy graces, 
 And in thine own heart let them first keep school." 
 
 Many of us are whipping out of our children things that 
 we should have whipped out of ourselves before they were 
 here. 
 
 How many mothers are thoroughly satisfied that they 
 are capable of governing themselves before they try to 
 govern their children, and how many more consider they 
 are completely obedient to laws divine and human before 
 they demand strict obedience from their children? 
 
 Our young people have a right to live the racial life. It 
 is doubtful whether they can be completely human unless 
 they do so. We must frequently ask ourselves with serious- 
 ness whether those acts which we object to on the part of 
 our children are really wrong or simply happen to be annoy- 
 ing to us. 
 
 So much of child government consists of imitation that far 
 more important than any special virtues or devices is the 
 genuine goodness of the parent. Mrs. Wiggin quotes the 
 Chinese proverb that runs: "Not the cry but the rising of a 
 wild duck impels the flock to follow him in upward 
 flight." 
 
 [n] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 It is nearly needless to say that real goodness is intelligent 
 goodness. To prescribe wisely, we must know. We must 
 know both the fault and the cause of the fault. To gain this 
 wisdom we need every resource possible. We need retro- 
 spection into our own childhood. We need to keep that 
 confidence of the child which shall make him always eager 
 to try to tell why he thinks he has erred. We need that 
 quiet and patient meditation afterward which shall make our 
 interpretations representative of our total wisdom. 
 
 The Parent as Educator 
 
 If the parent is to be a good teacher he must have the 
 right attitude toward his child. There are three wrong 
 attitudes, and there is only one right one. The three wrong 
 attitudes are: That a child is a plaything to be used for the 
 pleasure or amusement of his parents and adult relatives; 
 that he is an object of compassion and therefore is to be 
 perpetually indulged; that he is to blame and therefore is at 
 times to be punished. The right idea is that even a little 
 child is a person. He has rights, needs and wants all his 
 own. As Miss Helen Webb, of England, says: 
 
 "The fact is that each child comes into this world an 
 independent being. As soon as he has developed senses 
 capable of feeling, seeing and hearing, he at once begins 
 forming links, on his own account, between himself and the 
 whole world around him, and shows himself as intelligent, 
 or often much more intelligent, than the grown-up people he 
 lives among. He is ready to observe and notice and reason 
 and draw his own conclusions from everything he sees and 
 hears, but as yet he is very ignorant, and extremely credu- 
 lous; and just for these very reasons, if for no others, he 
 puts us on our honor to be truthful and honest in all our 
 dealings with him." 
 
 The purpose of this chapter is to show how the child may 
 
 [12] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 have his early rights and needs satisfied through the co- 
 operation of his parents. 
 
 The Right to ask Obedience 
 For the safety of a little child, unquestioning obedience is 
 necessary. This unquestioning obedience, however, like that 
 of the boy who "stood on the burning deck," may be perilous 
 if it is not based upon demands which are always reasonable, 
 foresighted and not tyrannical. In order to be able always 
 to give such commands, a parent needs to be in a condition 
 of health which implies at least healthy-mindedness, a sense 
 of humor and the possibility of self-control. A command 
 is almost certain to be to a degree unreasonable if it is the 
 expression of a conscious, or even an unconscious, desire 
 to tyrannize. Parental wrath can never be effective if it is 
 the expression of the mere feeling of the moment, instead of 
 the outgrowth of concentrated will and reason. And if it 
 be an expression of a desire for retaliation upon the child by 
 the parent it is nothing else than diabolic. It is said of 
 Joseph, in the first chapter of the Gospel according to Mat- 
 thew, that he was a "just" man, which might be translated, 
 a "fair" man. Fairness is, no doubt, the one virtue of parent- 
 hood which is most appreciated by a child, even in the 
 early years when the nature of justice is not completely 
 comprehended. 
 
 Is it because children are small that we find it hard to be 
 fair with them? Says Mrs. Annie Winsor Allen: "If we 
 thought of them as other people instead of as children, we 
 should treat them more acceptably. We make the same 
 mistake with almost all subordinates. Persons whose power 
 compels our respect, we instinctively treat as we would be 
 treated. But the further they get from equal power, the 
 less we treat them as equals in humanity. It is wholesome 
 to regard the children in this larger light as members of 
 
 [13] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 society like ourselves, for it would be hard to find a parent, 
 no matter how gentle, sincere, and conscientious, who is not 
 every day guilty of the sins of injustice and stupidity. We 
 are unjust because we have the immunity of tyrants, and we 
 are stupid because we are not on our guard against it. It is 
 the more highly important that we keep strict watch over 
 ourselves because, after all, the chief part of a child's moral 
 training comes from seeing his parents try to do right." 
 
 What a commentary upon human weakness is her remark, 
 "We are unjust because we have the immunity of tyrants," 
 and upon human indolence, when she adds, "We are stupid 
 because we are not on our guard." But the incentive to 
 better conduct on our part is not the recognition of our 
 weakness and indolence, but her last golden sentence: "The 
 chief part of a child's moral training comes from seeing his 
 parents try to do right." Do we believe this? Rather do 
 we not like to assume infallibility? Have we not so much 
 enjoyed that omniscience which we felt obliged to assume 
 for their protection when our children were babies that we 
 are tempted to carry it on into the days when it is no longer 
 either necessary or possible? 
 
 Ennis Richmond wisely says: "In a world of mistakes, I 
 do not think there is a greater one than that most popular 
 idea that a child ought not to know when a grown-up person 
 is at fault. There are two reasons for this, — ^what I may call 
 a practical and a spiritual reason; in the first place, no child 
 ever thinks any grown-up person infallible, and the more 
 we endeavor to represent ourselves as such, the less does 
 the child believe in our representation; and, in the second 
 place, honesty is the virtue that appeals most strongly to the 
 childish mind. We are apt to call this virtue, when speak- 
 ing of it in reference to children, justice, but this is not 
 correct. Once a child believes in our honesty, he will stand 
 a great amount of injustice, if by injustice we mean mis- 
 
 [14] 
 
The PARE^ff'S ATTITUDE 
 
 understanding, and the making children obey rules which 
 originate in some mistaken idea of our own. We cannot 
 help being sometimes unjust in our dealing with children; 
 we can help being dishonest." 
 
 Edward Howard Griggs also believes that this method 
 pays. "Suppose," he says, "the parent acknowledges his 
 fault and apologizes for it: when he turns to the further 
 question of the child's impudence his hands are strengthened. 
 He meets the child on the plane of moral equality in refer- 
 ence to right action, the only plane on which any moral 
 question can be solved. The child straightens up; it is no 
 longer five years old or three feet high, but a human spirit 
 to whom you have said — by your action, not in words — 
 'My child, I see in you a spirit entrusted through some 
 mystery of the universe for a little time to my care, and I 
 recognize it as my earnest duty to give you whatever treat- 
 ment will help you out into the sanest and sweetest life.' 
 
 "It is in the latter case that the real respect of the child is 
 kept, — not the notion of our supposed infallibility, sure to 
 be shattered sooner or later, but the reverence that comes 
 from seeing more and more clearly that, through all our 
 mistakes, we have been striving, not for our ease or comfort, 
 but for the child's welfare." 
 
 It is of course most difficult, but who can say that it is any- 
 thing but reasonable for a mother, when she has been un- 
 justly impatient, to call her child to her side and tell him that 
 she is sorry for what she said; that such words are always 
 wrong no matter who says them; and that she wishes he 
 would try to be very kind to her when he sees that she looks 
 as if she were going to be cross? Such mothers win and 
 hold not only the love but also the respect of their children. 
 
 To speak the truth, nobody owes anybody else any kind 
 of obedience if he is an unreasonable person; and unless we 
 never give an order except with the firm belief that such a rule 
 
 [IS] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 is of real necessity to the child in his task of becoming a man, 
 and purge our motives continually in doing so, we are not 
 fully worthy of that trust which has a right to demand 
 obedience. 
 
 Especially must we remember that the misfortunes of a 
 little child are not punishable offenses. If his weak and 
 clumsy hands have broken a dish or vase, no matter how 
 rare, or overturned ink to no matter how great damage, the 
 occasion is one for the expression of regret but not of anger. 
 The child should be allowed to know how great is the incon- 
 venience, should be taught how to apologize and, if such an 
 offense is frequent, may, as far as is practicable, make restora- 
 tion. There may exist a nervousness which needs investi- 
 gation. Often there is merely a pretty eagerness to help. 
 Occasionally there appears a heedlessness which must be met 
 with some form of discipline. 
 
 The Right to Disobey 
 The parent who is fair remembers that sometimes circum- 
 stances will justify a disobedience. A boy who had been 
 promised a sound thrashing if he fought in the street again, 
 came home with all the evidences of combat on his person. 
 No word of explanation was asked or even permitted, and the 
 whipping was administered, "one that he would be likely to 
 remember." Fancy the chagrin of the father to learn out- 
 side that his son had won his scars in defending a small girl 
 from the tormenting attack of a bully almost twice his own 
 size. And he had won out, too. The apology that the father 
 was man enough to make healed all the son's wounds, and 
 cemented a real friendship between himself and the boy that 
 lasted all the term of their lives. 
 
 A Discussion of Fairness 
 One of the most important elements in the fairness of a 
 parent is evenness of temper and action. Says Sully: "The 
 
 [i6] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 slovenly discipline — if indeed discipline it is to be called — 
 which consists in alternations of gushing fondness with 
 almost savage severity, or fits of government and restraint 
 interpolated between long periods of neglect and laissez faire, 
 is precisely what develops the rebellious and law-resisting 
 propensities." 
 
 Another element in fairness is an enlightened recognition 
 of the strength of the child's desires. Play which seems to 
 us desultory and unimportant often involves the most eager 
 attention and desire on the part of the child. Wantonly 
 and unnecessarily and hastily to interrupt such play is not 
 only an injustice and a cruelty but arouses every force of 
 rebellion in the child's nature. Mrs. Mary Wood-Allen 
 illustrates this very forcibly by the instance of a young mer- 
 chant intent on business who, while rushing across the city 
 on his wheel, met with a collision, resulting in bruises and 
 dislocations which kept him from active duties for a few days. 
 The mental currents, which had been rushing out along lines 
 of business activity, were suddenly checked, and boiled and 
 seethed in irritation and rebellion. "It would not have been 
 so hard," he said, "if I could have been let down easy ; but this 
 sudden stoppage from a point of intense activity to a state of 
 enforced quietness is almost unbearable." 
 
 One evening, while lying upon his sofa, he noticed that his 
 boy, a bright little fellow of four years, was remaining up 
 after his usual bedtime, and, calling the nurse, he commanded 
 her to take the child to bed. The little fellow resisted with 
 kicks and screams, was scolded and slapped by his father into 
 sullen acquiescence and carried off rebelliously to bed. 
 "I declare," said the father, "that child is getting to be 
 incorrigible. I shall certainly have to take him severely in 
 hand." 
 
 This remark was addressed to a friend a woman of expe- 
 rience, who, sitting in the room, had been a witness to the 
 
 [17] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 proceedings. The comment of the father opened the way 
 for the expression of thoughts which were welling in her 
 mind. 
 
 "Did you notice what the child was doing when you 
 ordered him to bed?" she said. 
 
 "Why, no; not particularly. He was playing, I believe." 
 
 "He was very busy," said the friend. "He had a grocery 
 store in one corner of the room, a telephone in another, and 
 a magnificent train of cars with a coal-scuttle engine. He 
 was taking orders from the telephone, doing up packages in 
 the grocery store and delivering them by train. He had just 
 very courteously assured Mrs. Brown that she should shortly 
 have a pound of rice pudding and a bushel of baked potatoes; 
 and had done up a pumpkin pie for Mrs. Smith, when 
 he was rudely disturbed in his business by Sarah and carried 
 off to bed. He resented, and probably if he could have put 
 his thoughts into words, would have said just what you did 
 a short time ago— that if he could have been let down easy 
 it would not have been so hard. But to be dropped suddenly 
 right in the midst of business was intolerable. Now, he 
 knows that tomorrow the grocery store will have been de- 
 molished, the telephone will have disappeared, the train will 
 have been wrecked, and if he goes into business again he 
 will have to begin at the foundation. You think your ex- 
 perience is hard enough; but you know there are others at 
 your place of business who are looking after things as well 
 as they can. How would you feel if you knew that your 
 store was demolished and had to be built up again from the 
 foundation?" 
 
 "Oh, well," said the father, "but that is business. The boy 
 was only playing." 
 
 "The boy's occupation to him was business, just as much 
 as yours is to you; his mental activities were just as intense; 
 the sudden checking of his currents of thought were just as 
 
 [i8] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 hard to bear, and his kicks and screams were no more un- 
 reasonable in him than have been your exclamations and 
 sufferings during the time that you have been ignominiously 
 consigned to bed. You have been worrying over plans 
 that were suddenly confused because of your accident; he 
 goes to bed feeling that Mrs. Brown would be disappointed 
 because she didn't get her rice pudding, and it was just as 
 hard for him to bear this as it was for you to bear your 
 experience." 
 
 "Well, what would you have me do?" said the father. 
 "Would you let the child sit up all night because he is 
 interested in his play?" 
 
 "No, but you might have let him down easy. Suppose 
 you had given him fifteen minutes in which to rearrange 
 his thoughts. Suppose you had called him up and 
 said: 
 
 " 'Well, Mr. Grocer, I would like to give you some orders, 
 but I see that it is about time for your store to close, and I 
 shall have to wait until tomorrow.' No doubt the little 
 grocer would have been willing to fill your orders at 
 once; but you could have said; 'Oh, no. Shops must close 
 on time, so that the clerks can go home. There will be 
 plenty of time tomorrow. I see you still have some goods 
 to deliver, and your engineer is getting very anxious to reach 
 the end of his run. In about fifteen minutes the engine must 
 go into the round-house and the engineer must go home and 
 go to bed, so as to be ready for work tomorrow.* 
 
 "Do you not see that this would have turned the thoughts 
 of the child into just the line that you wanted him to follow? 
 He would have been glad to close up his shop, because that 
 is the way men do; and as the little engineer at the end of 
 a run he would have been very glad to go to bed and rest. 
 Instead of a rebellious child, sobbing himself sulkily to sleep 
 with an indestructible feeling of injustice rankling in his 
 
 [19] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 heart, as a happy little engineer he would have gone willingly 
 to bed, to think with loving kindness of that father who had 
 sympathized with him and helped him to close his day's labor 
 satisfactorily.'' 
 
 "I see," said the father, "and I am ashamed of myself. 
 If I could waken him I would go to him and ask him to for- 
 give me. Sarah, bring Robbie here!" 
 
 "He is asleep," was the reply. 
 
 "Never mind; bring him anyhow." 
 
 The girl lifted the sleeping boy and carried him to his 
 father's arms. The child's face was flushed and tear-stained; 
 his Httle fists were clenched, and the long-drawn, sobbing 
 breath showed with what a perturbed spirit he had entered 
 into sleep. 
 
 "Poor little chap," said the father penitently, as he Idssed 
 the cheek moist with weeping; "can you forgive your father, 
 my boy?" 
 
 The child did not waken; but his hands gently unclosed, his 
 whole body relaxed, and, nestling his head more closely 
 against his father's breast, he raised one chubby hand and 
 patted the father's cheek. It was as if the loving voice had 
 penetrated through the encasing flesh to the child's spirit, 
 and he answered love with love. And they will always answer 
 love with love. 
 
 The Grace to Overlook 
 
 The fairness which endeavors to understand the intensity 
 of a child's desires also learns to distinguish between what 
 is essential and what is not. As Griggs tells us: "It is fatal 
 to take everything a child does on the same plane of serious- 
 ness; and a sense of humor, which enables us to regard as 
 amusing childish incongruities what othenvise we should 
 treat as annoying faults, is indispensable to the wise control 
 of children. One value of sending the child away from 
 home for a time is that we thereby gain perspective with 
 
 [20] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 reference to his faults, and so can concentrate our energies 
 on helping him over those which are really important." 
 
 The Need of Firmness 
 
 Firmness also is a quality that is demanded of the truly 
 conscientious and loving parent. Some people say, "If you 
 are going to make your children obey you, then your author- 
 ity will be one of force and not of affection." This is not so. 
 Griggs again sensibly says: "Our love must have an element 
 of iron in it. It must be willing to give pain to the loved one 
 where that is necessary to his moral health. Parents who 
 say, 'I love my child too much to punish him,' either mean by 
 punishment merely whipping, or else they love, not the child 
 and his welfare, but their own ease and comfort. It is far 
 easier to say, 'Never mind, let it go,' than to say, 'My child, 
 let us sit down together and try to understand what you have 
 done and how you can be helped over your mistake,' and 
 then to give the moral medicine that is needed." 
 
 Even the endeavor to enable the young child to understand 
 the reasonableness of a command is futile. The parent must 
 simply protect the child against his own folly, and the child 
 must learn to obey. Mrs. Jane Dearborn Mills, in her book, 
 "The Mother- Artist," gives this excellent illustration: 
 
 " 'If Donald wants to make a dyspeptic of himself,' said his 
 father, 'there needn't be any talk about it; he simply can't 
 do it.' He was trying to persuade you to give up the habit 
 of reasoning with the child every time you refused him any- 
 thing. You had started with this error, common to mothers 
 who think much about treating children justly, that giving 
 him a reason would fill his heart with contentment even if 
 he was being deprived of the only thing he wanted at the 
 moment, and to his childish perception the only thing he ever 
 would want. This course soon got you into trouble. Finally, 
 a scene was this: 
 
 [21] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 "'Matnma, there isn't any sugar on my oatmeal!' 
 
 " 'Why, yes, dear, there is. You saw me yourself when I 
 put it on. You can't see it because it has melted. Don't 
 you know that when we put milk ' 
 
 " 'Mamma, give me some more ! Give me much ! I want 
 much !' 
 
 " 'No, dear J you mustn't have any more, because ' 
 
 " 'Give me much ! I want much !' 
 
 " 'No, dear, it will make you sick.' 
 
 " 'I want to be sick. I like to be sick.' 
 
 " 'Oh, Donald, think how uncomfortable you feel when you 
 are sick!' 
 
 " 'No, I don't feel uncomfle! Give me some more sugar!' 
 
 " 'But, Donald, it makes mamma trouble to take care of 
 you when you are sick.' 
 
 " 'You don't have to take care of me.' 
 
 " 'Oh, yes, mamma couldn't let her little boy be sick and 
 not take care of him !' 
 
 "(A roar.) 'Yes, you could! Give me some sugar.' 
 
 "Here Fred arrived on the scene. The little tyrant soon 
 was settled by being borne upon his father's shoulders up to 
 his own room and going breakfastless. Fred talked more 
 seriously now with you than ever before; and he persuaded 
 you to try his way for a month, and if it seemed not better for 
 the child you could go back to yours without more protest 
 from himself. 
 
 "At first it was very hard, but steady practice made it 
 easier in time. 
 
 " 'No, Donald, you can't have any more sugar' — ^this the 
 next day: 
 
 " 'Why not?' 
 
 "You did not answer. 
 
 " 'Why-y-y-y no-o-ot?' 
 
 " 'Never mind why not. You can't have it' 
 
 [22] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 "A roar; but this time Fred was there. 'Donald !' he called 
 across the table, 'will you stop, or shall papa take you up- 
 stairs, just like yesterday?' 
 
 "The child stopped suddenly on the half-cry and gazed 
 through tears at his father, who looked at him sternly. 
 Donald turned to you: 'Mamma, wipe Donnie's tears.' " 
 
 That was the last conflict for sugar in his father's presence. 
 
 "The struggle was much harder when you and Donald 
 were alone; for you had taught him skill in argument, and 
 indeed, yourself, too; and once the habit formed, much time 
 was necessary to get both you and him out of it when 
 there was not the restraint of the masculine presence. How- 
 ever, the month saw great improvement, and your old ways 
 have never been resumed. You learned then that the time 
 for reasoning with a child is when he has no immediate 
 personal interest in the matter." 
 
 The ultimate attitude of a little child who has endeavored 
 in vain to overawe a parent by an exhibition of temper, will 
 usually be that expressed by the child who confessed: 
 
 "I did run away, mamma ; and Aunt Mary tied me up, and 
 I hollered and kicked and hollered as loud as I could, but 
 she never scared a bit. I guess — I guess I won't run away 
 any more." 
 
 Miss Agnes Repplier has a charming essay, entitled "In 
 Behalf of Parents," in which she satirizes the mother who 
 thinks it never proper to give or enforce a command until 
 she has persuaded the child of its reasonableness. She con- 
 trasts the parent who tells herlittle one forcefully to pull in 
 his head from the open car window with another one who 
 allowed herself to be confined for two days in a sleeping 
 room in the company of an obstinate youngster who took an 
 apparently satanic delight in holding her there until he had 
 decided that he was persuaded of the justice of one of her 
 suggestions. She retells the well-known story of the thild 
 
 [23] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 who was rushing, unconscious, to the top of a precipice, 
 when he stopped suddenly and unquestioningly at the sharp 
 command of his mother, and she asks what would have be- 
 come of the child who had been allowed to wait and get ade- 
 quate reasons, in such a moment of peril! 
 
 Another habit of firmness is in seeing that the punishment 
 invariably follows when it has been promised. To tell a 
 child, "If you do that again I must do something serious to 
 make you remember," and then when the time comes, merely 
 repeat the threat, is worse than folly. But, of course, one 
 must be very careful in making the first statement. If one 
 speaks in anger, or in haste, then there is the danger of in- 
 justice, or over-severe punishment. First think whether you 
 are doing the wisest, best thing, and then when the mind is 
 made up as to the proper punishment, let it come with cool, 
 even-handed justice, and one or two inflictions will cause 
 the lesson to be remembered. 
 
 Regarding firmness as an attitude, some commonplace but 
 sensible maxims are found in an excellent book by H. 
 Bompas Smith, on discipline in school. They run as follows : 
 
 "i. Never lose your head or your temper. 
 
 "2. Make up your mind beforehand exactly what you 
 will, and what you will not allow. 
 
 "3. Make it perfectly clear what your standard is. 
 
 "4. Always appear to take for granted that you will get 
 what you want. 
 
 "5. Having said what you will do, do not change your 
 mind if it can possibly be avoided. 
 
 "6. Never let a boy off from kindness of heart. 
 
 "7. Never threaten vaguely or indulge in general 
 declamations. 
 
 "8. Do not grumble or implore. 
 
 "9. Do not be always nagging, 
 "10. Never let a boy argue about his punishment. If he 
 
 [24] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 approaches you in a proper way, listen to what he has to 
 say and make him see that you desire to be reasonable, but 
 never embark upon an altercation." 
 
 The writer, by repeating so frequently the injunction never 
 to punish in anger, has perhaps discouraged some parent. 
 "What "shall I do?" he asks ruefully. "Shall I wait to fall 
 upon a child when he comes up smiling to me or when I too 
 feel in a mood of tenderness, and correct him for some past 
 misdeed?" Irritable as most of us are, we shall hardly 
 err in too much gentleness. Dr. Felix Adler ingeniously 
 allows us the mood which he calls "moral warmth"; but he 
 really makes a valid and eternal distinction when he says 
 that we must endeavor that this warmth be consistently held 
 toward the offenge and not toward the offender, so that the 
 punishment shall not be of a bad boy but of a good boy whom 
 we are trying to separate from badness. 
 
 It is the opinion of many whose judgment is well worth 
 heeding that the first day of a baby's life is not too soon to 
 impress upon the dawning intelligence the necessity of sub- 
 mission to circumstances and law, of obedience to authority 
 and the value of self-control. For example, Dr. Emelyn L. 
 Coolidge, an eminent specialist in the care of infants, declares : 
 
 "The cry of temper should never be given in to or the 
 mother will regret it later. Baby's training must be begim 
 from the first day. He should not be rocked to sleep, 
 trotted, nor walked the floor with, nor allowed to suck his 
 thumb or 'pacifier.' All of these habits will soon have to be 
 broken, so why begin them? He needs all the love he can 
 get, but he should be made a happy little blessing, and not a 
 naughty little tyrant." 
 
 This seems a severe doctrine, but the last sentence ex- 
 plains and justifies it. It has been sagaciously said that the 
 moment the first, or any, baby arrives, the question presents 
 itself, "Shall the house adjust itself to the baby, or the baby 
 
 [25] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 to the house?" No one who has seen the former condition 
 will uphold that policy. Family love may center about a 
 baby, but there is no reason why all the family should be up- 
 set for years by the whims of a little animal who hasn't the 
 least idea of what he is about or how it affects others. If you 
 have a puppy that is worth raising, you treat him substantially 
 as well as you do your son or daughter, but you don't hesi- 
 tate to compel him to behave himself, nor do you disarrange 
 your usual manner of life. The two animals are pretty 
 closely alike for a while; and the mother might often save 
 herself and her baby much trouble and sorrow then and 
 afterward, if she took a hint from the method her husband 
 uses with his precious puppy. Almost every mother has to 
 decide very early whether she or the newcomer is to rule. 
 "If his mother is a washerwoman, he gets no answer," as 
 Ernest H. Abbott remarks. "She goes about her washing 
 and he finds his place without much remonstrance. The chil- 
 dren of the poor are blessed with mothers who have this 
 problem settled for them by the gaunt hand of necessity. If, 
 however, this lordling has been born in the purple, even of 
 a very light shade, he has a good chance of seizing the scep- 
 ter at the very first grasp. He certainly will seize it and 
 wield it relentlessly, if his mother decides to do the easiest 
 thing. Of course, there are cases which cannot be consid- 
 ered normal. Ordinarily, however, the issue is not long 
 postponed. Probably it will be most distinctly varied over 
 a question of feeding. The foundation of an absolute mon- 
 archy within many a plain American home has been laid by 
 allowing the diminutive heir apparent to engage in midnight 
 feasting when every consideration of orderliness commanded 
 sleep." 
 
 This does not necessarily imply harshness or a Spartan 
 indifference to the little one's discomfort, or refraining from 
 the indulgent and comforting caresses which mean so much 
 
 [26] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 to both mother and child. It is mostly the physical offenses 
 that require parental hardness. After those requirements 
 are satisfied there remain the intellectual and the spiritual 
 ones, and these absolutely demand for their satisfaction those 
 expressions of love which it is such a delight to render. 
 
 Nevertheless^, whether or not parents may have the 
 courage or think it wise to decide the question of authority 
 in the cradle, there is no question but that a baby accustomed 
 to submit and adjoist itself to circumstances and regulations 
 will more easily take the next step, which is obedience. 
 
 Can a "Good Fellow" be Firm? 
 
 O'Shea discusses the question whether it is possible to 
 maintain firmness in these days when a parent is a real com- 
 panion to his child. "Can a father be a 'good fellow' with 
 his boys and train them in right living at the same time?" 
 He answers the question in the affirmative : "The really com- 
 petent trainer can do this. He can be on the most familiar 
 terms with his children when the occasion permits of play 
 relations; but when the situation demands coercion, or 
 penalizing, he can assume the attitudes essential to the effi- 
 cient performance of the task. In this way he can lead his 
 children to properly evaluate their experiences and the va- 
 rious lines of conduct which they might pursue. But one 
 who is either 'easy' or severe under all circumstances, cannot 
 give the young the right perspective in viewing the varied 
 possibilities of action presented to them. In our American 
 life we need to cultivate the type of trainer who can be a 
 playfellow and at the same time a leader." 
 
 One more remark needs to be made in reference to the 
 attitude of parents to their children. This is concerning the 
 necessity of absolute unity between a father and mother in 
 home discipline. Mrs. Chenery quotes a father who said the 
 successful management of their children had depended more 
 
 [27]. 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 than anything else upon a resolution made by his wife and 
 himself upon the birth of their first child. They determined 
 that before their children they would have no differences, 
 even in trivial matters. This made their word seem infallible. 
 Griggs makes this thought apply especially to fathers 
 when he urges that "If a father sees his children little, 
 except at mealtimes, he would better let many a fault in table 
 manners go uncorrected, rather than give his children the 
 notion that his main function is to reprove them." 
 
 [281 
 
CHAPTER III 
 METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 Government by Suggestion 
 
 Perhaps the most efficacious method of government, espe- 
 cially of young children, is by suggestion. It is the method 
 employed in the training of young animals. It is particularly 
 appropriate in the years when a strong personality, quality 
 of voice, expectancy of manner, produce an almost magical 
 influence over the child of undeveloped will. It can be 
 wielded with good results only when this strength of person- 
 ality is the expression of the character of a parent who thinks 
 of himself as the agent of righteousness. "One reason only 
 do I allow my children," says the mother in Mrs. Chenery's 
 book. "This is the right thing to do ; we must do the right." 
 So then the method of the parent is not that of arbitrary mas- 
 tery but that of parental aid. and advice, in helping the child to 
 do the thing rightly — that is, because it is right. The re- 
 sult of obedience on the part of the child to wisely-put, sug- 
 gestion from the parent is right habit, and, as Mrs. Wiggin 
 says, "If we can but cultivate the habit of doing right, we 
 enlist in our service one of the strongest of human agencies. 
 Its momentum is so great that it may propel the child into 
 the course of duty before he has time to discuss the question, 
 or to parley with his conscience concerning it. 
 
 "We must remember that 'force of character is cumulative, 
 and all the foregone days of virtue work their health into 
 this.' The task need not be begun afresh each morning; 
 yesterday's strokes are still there, and today's eflforts will 
 make the carving deeper and bolder." 
 
 An excellent illustration of a method of producing habitual 
 
 [29] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 obedience by suggestive drill that eventuated in good habit 
 is given in Mrs. Wood-Allen's "Making the Best of Our 
 Children." A small boy, temporarily in the care of his aunt, 
 showed a temperamental obstinacy that obstructed the atti- 
 tude of docility. 
 
 "It is evident," she said to herself, "that some irritable 
 cells have been built into this little brain. If I could avoid 
 arousing them, I should be glad ; but he must learn to obey. 
 How can I teach this great lesson of obedience with the least 
 friction?" 
 
 She pondered a moment. "Why not have an obedience 
 drill, just as they have fire drills in schools? I'll do it, and 
 I'll get little Anna Corning to help me." 
 
 Little Anna, a bright girl of ten, was in no wise averse to 
 spending the days in play with Robbie, and Miss Wallace 
 explained to her what she wanted to do. 
 
 "I am going to teach you a new play called 'Orders.' The 
 game is to see which one can do what I order the most 
 quickly. You will show Robbie how, and I think we can 
 have great fun." 
 
 A pointed paper cap with a paper plume was made for each 
 child, and each carried a small flag. Miss Wallace explained 
 such orders as "Mark time, march." "Forward, march," 
 "Halt," etc., and, when these were learned, the drill be- 
 gan. Back and forth the children marched, waving their 
 flags to the right, to the left, over their heads, leaving the 
 flags on a chair, bringing them to Aunt Clara, carry- 
 ing them behind them, in front of them, in all possible 
 positions. 
 
 Robbie was delighted and never seemed to tire of the new 
 game. During the two weeks that followed, little by little 
 Miss Wallace introduced other orders, such as "Open the 
 door," "Shut the door," "Bring that book," "Hang up your 
 hat," etc., until Robbie grew so used to obeying in the play 
 
 [30.] 
 
METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 that even at other times he automatically Started at a word 
 of command and obeyed without rebellion. 
 
 One of the best facts about suggestion is that it is a thing 
 that is always positive, and positive rather than negative in- 
 fluences are the effective ones with children. 
 
 "There are," says Jacob Abbott, "many cases in which, by 
 the exercise of a little tact and ingenuity, the parent can 
 actually secure the co-operation of the child in the infliction 
 of the punishment prescribed for the curing of a fault. There 
 are many advantages in this, when it can be done. It gives 
 the child an interest in curing himself of the fault; it makes 
 the punishment more effectual; and it removes almost all 
 possibility of its producing any irritation or resentment in 
 his mind. 
 
 "Let us suppose that some day, while she is engaged with 
 her sewing or other household duties, and her children are 
 playing around her, she tells them that in some great schools 
 in Europe, when the boys are disobedient, or violate the 
 rules, they are shut up for punishment in a kind of prison ; or 
 perhaps she entertains them with invented examples of boys 
 that would not go to prison, and had to be taken there 
 by force, and kept there longer on account of their con- 
 tumacy; and also of other noble boys, tall and handsome, 
 and the best players on the grounds, who went readily when 
 they had done wrong and were ordered into confinement, 
 and bore their punishment like men, and who were accord- 
 ingly set free all the sooner on that account. Then she pro- 
 poses to them the idea of adopting that plan herself, and asks 
 them to look all about the room and find a good seat which 
 they can have for a prison — one end of the sofa, perhaps, a 
 stool in a corner, or a box used as a house for a kitten. I 
 once knew an instance where a step before a door leading to 
 a staircase served as a penitentiary, and sitting on it for a 
 minute or less was the severest punishment required to main- 
 
 [31] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 tain the most perfect discipline in a family of young children 
 for a long time." 
 
 Government by Words 
 
 Another method of government is by words. The child 
 must learn to obey clear and definite words before he can 
 obey abstract ideals. Several remarks must be made about 
 "word of command." 
 
 We must be sure that what we say is actually heard and 
 clearly understood. It is creditable to a child that he can be 
 so intent upon his play that he does not hear us speak; it 
 shows that he is a child of parts. 
 
 A very frequent reason why children do not obey is that 
 they do not attend, and so do not hear a command. Any 
 request we make should be made in such a way as to dis- 
 lodge everything else from the consciousness while we are 
 speaking. To this end, it is well never to give an order until 
 the child looks us squarely in the face and only while he is 
 thus looking attentively at us. Such a habit is as good drill 
 for attention as it is for obedience. 
 
 It is not uncommon for an unwilling child so to steel 
 himself against orders which he knows are likely to be un- 
 pleasant that after a while he actually does not hear them. 
 In such a case the deafness will be corrected only after the 
 child's attitude has become altered. 
 
 Elizabeth Harrison thinks that a child should usually be 
 given rational grounds for a command calmly and in an im- 
 personal way, and then be given time and quiet to conquer 
 himself, and obey, but Mrs. Chenery believes that, for the 
 child's protection, he should be given explanations after 
 obedience rather than before. Probably we are all agreed 
 that it can do no harm to give reasons for our commands, 
 when they are such that a child can appreciate. 
 
 There is a difference among children, as we can soon find out, 
 
 I32] 
 
METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 as to their response to moral homilies. Sully cites the boy 
 who listened with apparent impression to his mother's se- 
 rious talk one day, but who closed the colloquy with the ob- 
 servation: "Mamma, when you talk you don't move your 
 upper jaw." 
 
 Sarcasm is a kind of word-discipline which ought to be 
 pretty nearly abolished in dealing with children. Says Du- 
 Bois: 
 
 "There are certain elements which make practical jokes, 
 as a rule, obnoxious. They are: Implied superiority on the 
 part of the joker, and embarrassing ignorance, defect, or 
 weakness on the part of the victim (note that victim is the 
 accepted word); hence the ludicrous mental confusion or 
 shame of the latter. In a greater or less degree these ele- 
 ments are present in the facetious treatment of children, and 
 are seldom altogether absent from the most good-natured 
 fun that is 'poked at' them." 
 
 It seldom does good — never in moments of stress — to 
 reminisce. A forgiven fault should be forgotten, an error 
 of which the child is ashamed should not be continually 
 dragged like a skeleton in the closet to light, and a dereliction 
 of yesterday ought not to be used to shed discouragement 
 upon today. Warnings, of course, drawn from past fail- 
 ures, are sometimes helpful as lighthouses, but, in general, 
 hopefulness for the uncharted future is more constructive 
 than the revisioning of a wrecked past. 
 
 Government by word should be by means of the fewest 
 words possible, but those timely, decisive, cheerful, and not 
 domineering, challenging to obstinacy or irritating to wrath. 
 
 Government Through Choice 
 Another method of government is by giving the opportunity 
 for a choice. Mrs. Chenery believes that when a mother tells 
 a child to do a thing she should expect her to do it, but if 
 
 [33] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 she asks a favor of her the child should have the privilege 
 of refusing. It may be somewhat difificult to make this dis- 
 tinction, but it seems worth while to consider the possibility. 
 It is easy to ask too much of the willing little hands and feet, 
 and turning their help into a burden could make the children 
 ungracious. Miss Harrison thinks that even in the matter 
 of punishment there should be opportunity for choice. She 
 cites the instance of a little girl of six, who was vexed by 
 some trifle, and who thereupon set up a lusty bawl. Her 
 mother stood without the slightest tone of disturbance in 
 her voice, and said: "Charlotte, your noise is disturbing the 
 rest of us. You must either stop bawling or go up to the 
 nursery where you can be by yourself." The child contin- 
 ued to bawl, and the mother took out her watch and said: 
 "I will give you just two minutes to cease your bawling and 
 remain with us, or go up to the nursery." She stood per- 
 fectly still, holding her watch in her hand. At the end of 
 the two minutes she said: "The two minutes are up. You 
 have made your choice." And with the watch still in her 
 hand she pointed to the door. The youngster deliberately 
 turned around and walked out of the room and upstairs, still 
 continuing to bawl. 
 
 It is probably best to give the opportunity of choice even 
 in some things that are definitely forbidden. Instead of 
 forcibly restraining the child who is on the way to disobey, 
 it may be better to allow the act to continue once, so long as 
 it is without immediate danger, and then enforce the penalty 
 that shall prevent its occurring again. Mrs. Wood-Allen 
 gives the following incident of treatment of a little one who 
 had been told that he must not go outside the gate. He had 
 disobeyed once, after being warned, and had been tied up. 
 "He, of course, was not pleased with this restriction. 
 Mamma talked with him very seriously and explained that 
 he must not go outside the gate, and then released him. 
 
 [34] 
 
METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 Again he disobeyed and again was promptly tied, and this 
 was repeated until he came to understand, without any scold- 
 ing or without the infliction of physical pain, that the yard 
 was a domain wherein he could play with perfect freedom, 
 but if he went outside he lost this freedom. It, therefore, 
 remained for him to decide which he would do, — be free 
 within the prescribed limits or, going beyond, lose his 
 freedom." 
 
 The purpose of management by utilizing the choice of a 
 child is the gra,dual development of his will-power. The 
 intent is to make him choose to do right, not to force him to. 
 
 [35l 
 
CHAPTER IV 
 GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 We come now to the perplexing question of government 
 by punishment. There are many false and imperfect ways 
 of administering punishment. Some parents seem to regard 
 it chiefly as a "right" that belongs to them. Without deny- 
 ing this as a fact, it seems sufficient to say that the satisfaction 
 of the parent in punishing is the least of all the elements 
 concerned. Punishment as an expression of the self-asser- 
 tion of the parent, as an exercise to relieve his mind, as an 
 act of revenge or anger, is unworthy of a sensible adult. It 
 has even been questioned whether we have the right to use 
 punishment as a means of deterrence by fear. On the whole 
 it would appear that for the young child's self-protection 
 it may sometimes be necessary to cause him to pause, appre- 
 ciate his danger and avoid possible peril. This we can some- 
 times do by instilling fear of consequences. 
 
 The chief purpose of punishment, of course, is to correct 
 the harm. By this is meant, not to prevent the child from 
 performing a particularly wrong act, but so to guide him 
 that he will form the habit of choosing right conduct instead. 
 "It is an error," says O'Shea, "to suppose that the punish- 
 ment must be necessarily useless in itself; it may even render 
 the offender physically or mentally more able." It ought to 
 help in self-control, awaken a love for virtue and retain the 
 respect and favor of the child to its parent. As Griggs says: 
 "The rage of the one punishing does not prove the punish- 
 ment bad, but corrective discipline does little for moral ref- 
 ormation, unless we can reason with the offender to assent 
 to its justice, if not his will to its reception." 
 
 [36] 
 
GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 The government that teaches ought to have the following 
 qualities, which Mrs. Wiggin names in her "Children's 
 Rights": 
 
 "i. The discipline should be thoroughly in harmony with 
 child-nature in general, and suited to the age and develop- 
 ment of the particular child in question. 
 
 "2. It should appeal to the higher motives, and to the 
 higher motives alone. 
 
 "3. It should develop kindness, helpfulness and sympathy. 
 
 "4. It should never use weapons which would tend to 
 lower the child's self-respect. 
 
 "5. It should be thoroughly just, and the punishment, or 
 rather the retribution, should be commensurate with the 
 offense. 
 
 "6. It should teach respect for law, and for the rights of 
 others. 
 
 "Finally, it should teach 'voluntary obedience, the last 
 lesson in life, the choral song which rises from all elements 
 and all angels,' and, as the object of true discipline is the 
 formation of character, it should produce a human being 
 master of his impulses, his passions, and his will." 
 
 "Natural" Punishment 
 
 We usually say of punishment that it should be, if possible, 
 natural, by which we mean that it should be similar in char- 
 acter to the offense. Natural punishment is also imitative 
 of the result which the offense, if unchecked, would be likely 
 to produce. Every parent learns that he must be brave 
 enough to allow his child to be taught in what is, to the child, 
 the most impressive way, I'ia.: gaining knowledge by ex- 
 perience. Says one of our wisest parents: 
 
 "They must learn, they crave for experience, and if they do 
 not cause suffering in another, and if they do not suffer them- 
 selves, how can they fully understand? To bring trouble 
 
 [37] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 on himself is to gain experience, is to fully grasp the conse- 
 quences of his act; the boy is thus led to abstain from 
 such acts in the future. Hence, anger, passion, envy, 
 and many other actions in the child are self-correcting, 
 self -arresting. 
 
 "If a boy were reared under such conditions that he never 
 saw a fight, never was in one, and he never suffered from 
 his own foolishness, what sort of a man would he make? 
 The very best way to sharpen a boy's wits and to cure him 
 from wanting to ride every fractious horse that his father 
 owns, is to let him ride. Life is in living, it is an indefinite 
 struggle and fight, and the boy who never did a foolish 
 thing, never did a wise one." 
 
 A natural punishment imitates nature in the fact that it is 
 both just and certain. "It is never withheld," says Mrs. 
 Wiggin, "in weak affection, it is never given in anger, it is 
 entirely disassociated from personal feeling. No poisoned 
 arrow of injustice remains rankling in the child's breast ; no 
 rebellious feeling that the parent has taken advantage of his 
 superior strength to inflict the punishment: it is perceived 
 to be absolutely fair, and, being fair, it must be although 
 painful, yet satisfactory to that sense of justice which is a 
 passion of childhood." It is even possible thus to present 
 corporal punishment to a child's reason. "I taught my little 
 daughter," said a mother, "that little animals had no reason- 
 ing powers and had to be whipped, and that if she changed 
 herself into a little wild animal she must be trained as we 
 train such creatures." 
 
 One of the chief uses of "natural" punishment is that it is 
 a help to convince the child of the rightfulness and wisdom 
 of the authority of the parent. To tell a child to keep away 
 from the fire might bring rebellion until doomsday, when one 
 touch of the flame becomes at once convincing. It, there- 
 fore, becomes a temporary means of government, a stage 
 
 [38] 
 
GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 toward the safe and cheerful acceptance of the parental 
 authority and wisdom. 
 
 "Natural" punishment, however, has its limitations. It 
 is not always real punishment. Says Griggs : 
 
 "The natural consequence of slovenly table-manners is 
 exclusion from the society of the family at mealtime. Often 
 a child likes nothing better; and, surely, to allow him to be 
 as slovenly as he pleases alone is not to cure him of the fault, 
 but to deprive him of just the example of good manners that 
 may finally impress itself upon him. So the gluttonous child 
 needs not to be allowed to gorge himself and then to suffer 
 the natural consequences, — physical discomfort, and ulti- 
 mately disease, with the increasing disgust of those about 
 him, — but to be held persistently to rigid self-denial until the 
 habit of controlling his appetites is formed. The child who 
 is personally dirty needs to be held to regular habits of order 
 and cleanliness, the over-imaginative child to definite and 
 exact statement of reality." 
 
 Other limitations of the range of "natural" punishment 
 are obvious. One of these limitations is that of safety. The 
 natural result of letting a child hang out of a window would 
 be that he would break his neck, but we do not let him go to 
 such a length. In the higher realms of influence "natural" 
 punishments are less successful. The natural result of a 
 child's lying is that nobody believes anything he says, yet it 
 is when he is just falling a prey to this habit that the mother 
 endeavors to encourage his telling the truth by insisting on 
 believing in his word. Thus often the corrective discipline 
 that will be most effective in curing the child of the fault 
 is the exact opposite of the way it would work out if 
 uninterrupted. 
 
 The futility of merely "natural" punishment as soon as a 
 child is old enough to have a conscience is clearly pointed 
 out in an investigation made by Tracy. Thirty-eight per 
 
 [39] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 cent of the children said that punishment was just "because 
 the children ought to obey," while only six per cent thought 
 it should be inflicted to make them more careful in the future. 
 In other words, the children themselves seem to insist that 
 punishments should be regulative of the inner life and not 
 merely outworkings of natural law. 
 
 "The attempted reduction of moral law to natural law is 
 simply an attempt to get rid of moral law altogether. It 
 entirely ignores the element of personality, and dilutes re- 
 sponsibility by placing accidents that are followed by physical 
 pain on exactly the same level as moral dereliction. Accord- 
 ing to this 'discipline of consequences,' it should be just as 
 wrong to stumble and hurt one's self as to disobey one's par- 
 ents and be punished. But any child knows better than this 
 without special instruction. The doctrine, moreover, utterly 
 confuses the child's moral perspective by teaching him (by 
 implication) that no action of his is wrong provided he can 
 manage to escape its painful consequences." 
 
 Punishment by Deprivation 
 
 Perhaps the best of all "natural" punishments, because the 
 most easily understood, is that of deprivation. 
 
 "Suppose a child is greedy at the table and eats with 
 perfect indifference to all the manners which have been 
 taught him; after some such exhibition a mother may talk 
 to him about his faults and explain that he has no right to 
 spoil the comfort of others, and say that if he repeats his 
 objectionable ways he must lose his dessert the next time. 
 Perhaps the very day following he forgets, and repeats his 
 offenses ; his mother may whisper in his ear a reminder which 
 goes unheeded; but when the dessert comes to the table 
 and he may have none, the punishment is so felt that it 
 need not be repeated for several days, and a few experi- 
 ences will accomplish a complete cure. If only one is firm 
 
 [40] 
 
GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 and relentless, this is an unfailing way to secure one's 
 end." 
 
 So with quarreling; children who will spoil the peace of 
 the home by squabbles and fights may have a penalty of 
 exactly the same kind, and have to spend an hour or more 
 alone on Saturday, a deprivation which they will keenly feel. 
 Any loss of pleasures is a real punishment. Many a boy 
 would far rather take a whipping and then go fishing with the 
 other boys than to have to stay at. home and see them go 
 without him; and so the very essence of punishment is 
 secured. 
 
 "As children grow out of childhood, deprivation as punish- 
 ment still has some validity. A girl who spends all her 
 week's allowance and has to go without something she wishes 
 for, or even something she really needs, is being punished 
 in this way. A boy who must give up an anticipated trip 
 to town because he has done wrong, remembers it for weeks 
 and does not repeat the offense. But, of course, it is unjust 
 on ordinary occasions suddenly to punish a child without 
 warning. It is better at a first offense to do nothing radical, 
 but rather explain the wrong, and say that it must not be 
 repeated, or such and such things must follow." 
 
 In the use of deprivation it is really the idea of punishment, 
 more than the thing itself, which is effective. One mother 
 devised a system by preparing little squares of blue and 
 white paper; when a child had been naughty it had to put 
 one or more blue squares in a box; and when it had been 
 good all day it put in white ones at night; at the end of the 
 week, if the white squares predominated, there was a reward, 
 and if the blue, none at all. Nothing could have been more 
 simple, but it worked to a charm. 
 
 Madame Montessori tells how ingeniously she works out 
 the idea of deprivation in her famous school: 
 
 "As to punishments, we have many times come in contact 
 
 [41] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 with children who disturbed the others without paying any 
 attention to our corrections. Such children were at once 
 examined by the physician. When the case proved to be that 
 of a normal child, we placed one of the little tables in a cor- 
 ner of the room, and in this way isolated the child; having 
 him sit in a comfortable little armchair, so placed that he 
 might see his companions at work, and giving him those 
 gnmes and toys to which he was most attracted. This isola- 
 tion almost always succeeded in calming the child; from his 
 position he could see the entire assembly of his companions, 
 and the way in which they carried on their work was an object 
 lesson much more efficacious than any words of the teacher 
 could possibly have been. Little by little, he would come to 
 see the advantages of being one of the company working so 
 busily before his eyes, and he would really wish to go back 
 and do as the others did. We have in this way led back 
 again to discipline all the children who at first seemed to 
 rebel against it. The isolated child was always made the 
 object of special care, almost as if he were ill. I myself, 
 when I entered the room, went first of all directly to him, 
 caressing him, as if he were a very little child. Then I turned 
 my attention to the others, interesting myself in their work, 
 asking questions about it as if they had been little men. I 
 do not know what happened in the soul of these children 
 whom we found it necessary to discipline, but certainly, the 
 conversion was always very complete and lasting." 
 
 The old-fashioned punishments of putting a child in the 
 closet or sending him supperless to bed have been rather 
 forgotten, and wisely. A child is too often made afraid of 
 the dark by the first punishment, and physically injured by 
 the second. It is just as effective to put a child alone in a 
 lighted room, and let him sit in one chair for a time, as to 
 put him in a dark closet, and a supper of bread and milk, 
 eaten all alone in the nursery, is better than no supper at all. 
 
 [42] 
 
GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 The method of deprivation is especially effective in cases of 
 disobedience. Says Carolyn Sherwin Bailey: 
 
 "The child who is disobedient should not be scolded. He 
 forfeits something, instead, loses some joy perhaps because 
 he broke a law. He was forbidden to leave the garden, to 
 go alone across the street, but, childlike, he forgets and 
 opens the forbidden gate, following the mirage of his imme- 
 diate desire. Nancy's mother, many mothers in fact, would 
 follow this disobedient child, bringing him back screaming 
 and unrepentant, but the wise mother waits for the return 
 of the little wanderer, who comes home to find his punish- 
 ment awaiting him. It is nothing which his mother inflicts 
 upon him, mercilessly. It is the punishment that he, himself, 
 metes out. His dearest friend came to play while he was 
 across the road enjoying in the dust and sun the spirit of the 
 Wanderlust. His mother could not allow his little friend to 
 stay, though. How could she, or how could she save him the 
 little tart pie she baked, or let him go for a long delightful 
 drive to the village with grandfather when he was not there? 
 A little boy who runs away loses all those charming surprises. 
 It is purely his own fault that he lost his playmate, the little 
 tart, and the drive with grandfather. He understands all 
 this. He is his own punishment, and his mother acts the 
 part of the comforter rather than judge as she explains to him 
 the unwisdom of putting the forbidden gate between his own 
 small self and his little daily joys. 
 
 "Does this seem a simple, inefficient means of punishing 
 a child? It is vastly more efficient than pointless scolding 
 and physical force. The former dulls a child mentally, and 
 the latter warps him both mentally and physically. The 
 method of depriving a child of some pleasure as a result of 
 his disobedience is such a reasonable punishment that it 
 makes a deep impression on the child's plastic brain tissue, 
 and is recalled the next time he is tempted to disobey. He 
 
 [43] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 invades the pantry and eats forbidden sweets. As a result 
 he has no sweets for several days — how could he when he 
 ate them all? He upsets his father's inkwell, spoiling books 
 and papers on the library table. He is required to assist in 
 cleaning the table, but no further notice of his carelessness 
 is taken. The next day, the next week, possibly he sees a 
 fascinating new book in the toy shop which he wants, oh, so 
 much, but the book is denied him. How can he be given a 
 new and beautiful book when he was so careless as to spoil 
 with spilled ink his father's precious volumes? A few such 
 deprivations will suffice to cure a child of any habits of dis- 
 obedience. It will be a wholesome cure, too, brought about 
 naturally by the child himself and at the expense of no 
 nervous strain on the part of the mother. He learns to 
 weigh his actions, asking himself what will be their con- 
 sequences as far as he, himself, is concerned. Gradually he 
 forms this habit of forethought, weighing in the balance the 
 possible result of his disobedience upon the world at large 
 — and at last wins out in the fight. He learns to obey." 
 
 Corporal Punishment 
 We now come to the most difficult question of all, that of 
 corporal punishment. This, which was once the chief means of 
 correction, is being superseded by other modes of control. 
 All of us recognize that it must be administered with the great- 
 est caution. We have, we may hope, outgrown forever the 
 period when civilized parents spanked to relieve their own 
 minds. In the discipline of young children, where the parent 
 is both judge and executioner, the most impartial justice 
 and perfect self-control are required, if corporal punishment 
 is ever to be administered. A child may seem to deserve to 
 be treated like an animal, but we don't wish our treatment 
 to make him into an animal. The child has trouble enough 
 ill adjusting his little body, without having his delicate 
 
 [44] 
 
GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 nervous structure continually upset by shaking or other 
 physical assaults. Edison tells how a box on the ear, ad- 
 ministered by an angry man, made him deaf for life. No 
 child should ever know the indignity and danger of a blow 
 on the head or face. George Eliot advocated "a little tin- 
 gling in soft, safe places." Surely no one could ever hear 
 the long-continued and agonizing cries of a child upon 
 whom pain has been inflicted without realizing that such a 
 method of punishment can never be justifiable, except as it 
 may prevent some worse ill. Lady Isabel Margesson 
 thinks that, "Few parents, perhaps only one in a hundred, 
 are to be trusted to administer it wisely." 
 
 The argument for corporal punishment is that obstinacy 
 and insubordination require the application of force as a 
 corrective. "Obedience," says Carl Werner, "is the founda- 
 tion-stone of the entire structure of discipline. There is a 
 good deal in discipline besides obedience, but without obe- 
 dience there is no discipline. Disobedience calls for a punish- 
 ment that is short, direct and impressive. A sharp tap on 
 the palm of a boy's hand, or on the calf of his leg — or two or 
 five or ten — is the only kind of penance I know of, that fills 
 the requirements. It is the one short and sure road to an 
 immediate result. Naturalists tell us that the sense of touch 
 is the first experienced by the new-born child. It is the 
 first and quickest wire from the outer world to the brain. 
 Then come hearing and smelling and seeing, and long 
 after these come the moral perceptions-^the power of de- 
 duction, of right and wrong. My experience has been 
 that this first sense continues to be the live wire until 
 well on toward the maturity of the child — if the child is 
 a boy. 
 
 "Corporal punishment is resorted to for one kind of 
 oflfense only — disobedience. Absolutely for no other. 
 
 "Corporal punishment consists of a few sharp taps on the 
 
 [45] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 palm or calf with a thin wood ruler, having no metal attached 
 to it. 
 
 "The boy is never punished in the presence of a third 
 person, even a brother or sister. 
 
 "Punishment is never administered with the slightest sign 
 of anger or under excitement. 
 
 "Punishment must partake of the nature of a ceremony 
 rather than of a torture; it must be regarded as a duty; not 
 as a personal retaliation. 
 
 "Punishment is always prefaced with a simple, brief, but 
 definite explanation, like this: 
 
 " 'My boy, listen: I love you and I do not like to hurt you. 
 But every boy mtist be made to obey his father and mother, 
 and this seems to be the only way to make you do it. So 
 remember! Every time you disobey me you shall be pun- 
 ished. When I tell you to do a thing, you must do it in- 
 stantly, without a moment's delay. If you hesitate, if you 
 wait to be told the second time, you will be punished. When 
 I speak, you must act. Just as sure as you are standing 
 here before me, this punishment will follow every time you 
 do not do as you are told.' " 
 
 Children themselves, according to O'Shea, Barnes and 
 Darrah, often regard whipping as the just and reasonable 
 penalty for certain misdeeds. "If," says O'Shea, "it be 
 plainly merited, it probably does not crush the spirit of the 
 offender, as the philosopher sitting in his armchair and work- 
 ing with preconceived premises sometimes reasons that it 
 will. If a child is in continual conflict with his social environ- 
 ment because he insists on doing what, in the nature of things, 
 he cannot do, and day after day there is verbal contest 
 between himself and those who are responsible for his 
 well-being, then would it not be better for all concerned 
 occasionally to have the question of leadership definitely 
 settled by the application of force, if necessary?" In this 
 
 [46] 
 
GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 view of the case corporal punishment is "natural" punish- 
 ment, for the representatives of law and order have the right 
 to be reckoned with when we are counting the consequences 
 of deeds. On the other hand, corporal punishment is not 
 to be resorted to on every occasion. If a boy is always 
 whipped for certain kinds of wrong-doing, he is apt to reach 
 the conclusion that everything for which he is not whipped 
 (or everything in which he is not found out) is permissible. 
 Corporal punishment by wholesale is a judgment upon the 
 carelessness, indolence and cruelty of the parents. Said 
 Horace Mann: "I confess that I have been amazed and over- 
 whelmed, to see a teacher spend an hour at the blackboard, 
 explaining arithmetical questions, and another hour on the 
 reading or grammar lessons ; and, in the meantime, as though 
 it were only some interlude, seize a boy by the collar, drag 
 him to the floor, castigate him, and remand him to his seat, 
 — the whole process not occupying two minutes. Such labori- 
 ous processes for the intellect, such summary dealings with 
 the heart !" 
 
 There is no way of deciding beforehand on general prin- 
 ciples, just what remedy will be used for a particular moral 
 malady of a child. Lady Isabel Margesson gives the follow- 
 ing prescription for a case of habitual noisy crying: 
 
 "The casual 'slap' or 'smack' administered in a hasty spirit, 
 often only enrages a child, and should never be given. If, 
 on the contrary, there is a passion for crying, and one can 
 see the child is giving himself up to temper, then it is highly 
 desirable to put him to bed, turn him over on his face and 
 give him a sound whipping. He should be left alone to cry 
 for a minute or two, although the passion and fury may seem 
 at first even to increase. After he has found relief in tears, 
 is the time for some explanation and talk about obedience 
 and crying. Probably the result will be a fresh outburst, 
 and then a second whipping should be given, and again the 
 
 [47] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 child should be left alone for a short time. After this he 
 begins to feel he gains nothing by crying, and for fear of 
 another 'dose' begins to exert self-control. This is the mo- 
 ment when he will probably listen to a gentle, rambling, ex- 
 planatory talk and story of another child. After being left 
 alone and quiet for a time he should be fondled and kissed, 
 and his mother's love, in trying to help him to be obedient, 
 explained. The whole occasion may be made very impres- 
 sive if, before leaving his bed, the child says his prayers with 
 his mother's arms round him. He should afterwards be 
 allowed to stay with his mother and occupy himself happily 
 and quietly for an hour or two. This detailed account of a 
 'whipping' has been given because it has been the successful 
 experience of many years, and has borne the following good 
 results : 
 
 "i. It cuts short a passionate outburst that may have 
 dangerous physical efifects, and prevents its ever reaching its 
 full strength. 
 
 "2. It impresses a child's mind with the necessity for 
 obedience, for he does not easily forget such an impressive 
 function which is made purposely to center round the term 
 obedience. 
 
 "3. It gives him a real power of self-control on future 
 occasions when a repetition will be known to be imminent. 
 
 "4. It saves a child from worrying little penalties and 
 naggings. He must obey, or he will have to undergo the 
 same process again. It is not, therefore, necessary to worry 
 him with constant threatenings of placing him in the comer, 
 slapping him, putting him to bed, depriving him of pleasures. 
 The child obeys because he recognizes and dislikes the one 
 consequence of disobeying. Gradually the idea of obedience, 
 the necessity for giving up his own way cheerfully, dawns on 
 him, and the contest, with a few intermittent storms, is over." 
 
 Two items of common sense about punishment ought to be 
 
 [48] 
 
GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 remembered. One is about promptness in correction. Chil- 
 dren's memories are so short that they feel a sense of injus- 
 tice for being sent to bed early or deprived of some pleasure 
 after they have forgotten what the punishment is for or at 
 least have ceased to feei the enormity of the offense. The 
 other is about the unfortunate habit some parents have of 
 using bedtime as the Day of Judgment. As the talk grows 
 more serious the tired child gets more nervous and usually 
 ends with a cry. Now a child should always go to sleep 
 happily or else his rest is unrefreshing, and he has the poor- 
 est kind of preparation for being good the next day. 
 
 There is, however, a beautiful way to utilize bedtime, if 
 the child is in a normal condition, for a loving and construc- 
 tive motivation. We quote here Doctor LeGrand Kerr: 
 
 "It is usually best to introduce the subject for correction 
 in a roundabout way, beginning, perhaps, with a story which 
 in its main features parallels the thing which needs correc- 
 tion. Fictitious names may be used and the child is then led 
 into expressing an opinion as to the various acts of these 
 fictitious persons. Even while the story is being told, he may 
 see an analogy between it and his own acts. Then, when the 
 child has made his decision, clinch it quickly with just as few 
 words as possible and make a short appeal to the child's 
 better nature. Do not sermonize. Then follow with the 
 word of encouragement, 'I know that you are going to try 
 to do better after this ; you can be good and you are going 
 to, I know.' Then comes the word of good cheer and 
 caresses; the child is left happy, contented and more ame- 
 nable to moral guidance." 
 
 Whatever the form of punishment which, after deliberation, 
 we think it best to use, we need to recall again just what the 
 purpose of punishment is. Let us have it in the concise 
 words of Kirtley: 
 
 "When punishment is truly deserved, it must be given and 
 
 [49] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 the occasion made an epoch in the life of the boy. It is not 
 to be made an end in itself, nor a matter of retribution, nor 
 any one's vindication, but an education to the boy. It must, 
 first of all, bring him back to the line of rectitude from which 
 he departed. It must awaken in him, not alone a sense of 
 the majesty of right and truth, but a new desire to conform 
 his life to it. It must be the means of starting a new habit 
 and giving him a new attitude of mind toward what is right, 
 and a new respect for those who stand in this severe way for 
 what is right and true, a new respect for himself, which 
 comes through self-reproach and then self-rectification. It 
 must promote every virtue in him and reinforce every worthy 
 motive. That must be the aim of the one who inflicts the 
 punishment, or his deed is worse than the boy's offense." 
 
 [SO] 
 
CHAPTER V 
 
 GOVERNMENT BY REWARD 
 
 Another method of government is that by means of 
 reward. We all recognize that this is a stimulation that 
 needs to be used in small doses. Mrs. Wiggin says, "The 
 child delights to work for you, to please you if he can, to do 
 his tasks well enough to win your favorable notice, and the 
 breath of praise is sweet to his nostrils. It is right and justi- 
 fiable that he should have this praise, and it will be an aid to 
 his spiritual development, if bestowed with discrimination. 
 Only Titanic strength of character can endure constant dis- 
 couragement and failure, and yet work steadily onward, and 
 the weak, undeveloped human being needs a word of ap- 
 proval now and then to show him that he is on the right 
 track, and that his efiforts are appreciated. Of course, the 
 kind and the frequency of the praise bestowed depend en- 
 tirely upon the nature of the child." The reward of praise 
 is usually safe if it be just, but it is not safe to exclaim of a 
 fairly good accomplishment, "Splendid! Perfect!" for it is 
 not true that it is splendid, and nothing could possibly be 
 perfect. To praise extravagantly is to make the superlative 
 so cheap that it is no longer valued. The child thus becomes 
 easily satisfied with mediocre attainments. 
 
 The use of physical rewards for virtue tends to substitute 
 wrong inducement. "There are," says Mrs. Wiggin, "of 
 course, certain simple rewards which can be used with safety, 
 and which the child easily sees to be the natural results of 
 good conduct. If his treatment of the household pussy has 
 been kind and gentle, he may well be trusted with a pet of 
 his own; if he puts his toys away carefully when asked to do 
 
 [51] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 so, father will notice the neat room when he comes home; 
 if he learns his lessons well and quickly, he will have the 
 more time to work in the garden ; and the suggestion of these 
 natural consequences is legitimate and of good effect. 
 
 "It is always safer, no doubt, to appeal to a love of pleasure 
 in children than to a fear of pain, yet bribes and extraneous 
 rewards inevitably breed selfishness and corruption, and lead 
 the child to expect conditions in life which will never be 
 realized. Though retribution of one kind or another follows 
 quickly on the heels of wrong-doing, yet virtue is commonly 
 its own reward, and it is as well that the child should learn 
 this at the beginning of life." 
 
 Government by Emulation 
 
 There is a similar danger in government by emulation. It 
 was Walter Savage Landor who defined ambition as "avarice 
 on stilts." Doing well for the sake either of physical reward 
 or of outdoing a competitor is at its best only an ugly kind 
 of virtue. Says George McDonald, "No work noble or last- 
 ingly good can come of any emulation where the motive is 
 greed. I think the two motives are spiritually the same." 
 It is hard to encourage a young child to emulate a super- 
 excellent brother or neighbor without causing him to look 
 upon the one whom he emulates with at least mild hatred 
 and envy. 
 
 Government by Activity 
 
 Government by activity refers to everything which 
 we suggest in the direction of positive action on the part of 
 the child, or in place of whatever would hinder all that happy, 
 eager doing which itself is self-government. 
 
 The parent who takes her children as her partners in 
 the work of the home and who becomes their partner in their 
 play has chosen not only the easiest but the most productive 
 way of government. In thus living with her children a real 
 
 [52] 
 
GOVERNMENT BY REWARD 
 
 life, she has the opportunity to help them expel the evil by 
 doing the good, as she becomes to them alternately play- 
 fellow and leader. 
 
 This subject is treated in some fullness in the chapter on 
 "Religious Nurture" under the caption, "Teaching about 
 Duty." 
 
 The discussion has shown us that no one form of 
 management is infallible or universal in application. The 
 parent himself must take each child, each case and each 
 remedy separately and study each and all before he prescribes 
 from his moral-medicine chest. 
 
 [53] 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 Whatever be the differences of opinion of scholars as to 
 the advisability of sex instruction in the schools, they are all 
 united as to its necessity in the home. The great task, there- 
 fore, is to prepare fathers and mothers for this important 
 duty. 
 
 The best authorities are telling us that what the child 
 needs is not a single lecture covering all the branches of the 
 subject, but information at different periods suited to the 
 needs of each period; that information alone is not preventive 
 of vice; that the strength for pure living must come from 
 within rather than without, and that sex idealism is much 
 more important than sex instruction. In the search for an 
 inclusive term which should embrace this large program 
 which we are endeavoring to compass, the phrase "sex dis- 
 cipline" has been fixed upon as suitable for the purpose. 
 
 Methods 
 The methods by which the parent may discipline his son are 
 these: First, by answering his questions; second, by always 
 telling him the truth; third, by satisfying his legitimate 
 curiosity at each stage of boyhood; fourth, by furnishing him 
 a series of facts as he needs them, either by telling them to 
 him or by reading them to him, as one may think better; fifth, 
 by questioning him at times in order to discover if there is 
 more that he ought to know; sixth, by keeping his confidence 
 so that he may miss no knowledge nor inspiration that will 
 be helpful to him ; seventh, by defending him so far as possible 
 against unnecessary temptation and error. 
 
 [54] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 Who Is the Best One To Do It? 
 
 This parental task cannot be done in the best way by 
 means of books. Many books upon this subject are unin- 
 teresting. Some are shallow and void of information. 
 Some tell too little to give instruction, and others tell so 
 much that they excite undesirable emotions. The special 
 book which may fall into a boy's hands is pretty certain not 
 to be graded for that boy's intelligence, and being ready-made 
 it usually omits the answer to the call of the moment. For 
 small boys such books are usually full of faith when 
 what the small boy needs is facts. For large boys they 
 are often too pathological and lack the needed element of 
 inspiration. 
 
 All such books are best used by parents. They give the 
 information which the parent himself needs. It is occasion- 
 ally wise, when the parent is unusually timid, for him to lend 
 such a book to his son. If he does so, he should either read 
 it to him or see that the boy actually reads it and then help 
 interpret it to him. In other words, the book is loaned to 
 the boy as an entering wedge to a frank conversation. Such 
 books, when loaned, should be taken back by the parent 
 after they are used. Otherwise they may pass into the hands 
 of other boys whose parents are unwilling that they should 
 read them or to whom they are unsuitable. 
 
 Physicians are not the best persons to perform this task. 
 Some of them are too technical in their expressions; others 
 are too cynical in the attitude toward humanity; a few of 
 them are themselves loose-livers. Some scare boys by their 
 manner ; others invariably suggest disease. Few of them are 
 natural pedagogues. Since the information which boys 
 should have cannot be given them in one lesson, a single 
 consultation with a physician is inadequate. To turn a boy 
 over to a doctor does not lessen the fact that the parent is 
 responsible for the son. 
 
 [55] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 Occasionally, where the physician is well known and the 
 parent has had a previous conversation with the boy upon 
 the matter, it may be well in later boyhood to allow the boy 
 to go to the doctor "for the fullest information," so that he 
 may feel that nothing has been concealed that he ought to 
 know. In such a case, the parent should always ask the 
 boy afterward what the doctor has said, and use this also as 
 an entering wedge for free conversation. 
 
 Whenever the boy needs slight surgical attention, of 
 course he should wait upon a physician in company with his 
 father, and certain instruction may be appropriate at that 
 consultation. 
 
 Teachers are not the best persons to do this work. They 
 are not so well informed as physicians and there is often a 
 barrier between them and their pupils. In this kind of edu- 
 cation alone we try to sate and not stimulate curiosity. The 
 schoolroom, the atmosphere of which is that of curiosity, 
 therefore does not seem to give quite the right environment 
 for this kind of instruction. Gymnasium instructors some- 
 times work under favorable circumstances to reinforce the 
 instruction of the father. 
 
 Ministers are not the best persons for this work. Through 
 earnestness they are apt to scare children and more apt to 
 moralize than to instruct. Their attitude toward these 
 matters, while generally wholesome, sometimes smacks of 
 sentimentality or an unduly ascetic view of life. 
 
 Professional lecturers and so-called "experts" are not the 
 best people to help boys. So many people who study the 
 subject of sex become morbid upon it that we may wisely 
 distrust even the character of those who give themselves 
 entirely to this kind of teaching. Since it is not a social 
 subject, it does not lend itself to public gatherings. Public 
 instruction must necessarily be vague and ill-adapted to the 
 individual. Lectures on purity, which English boys call 
 
 [56] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 "smut jaws," are often followed by unwholesome conversa- 
 tion between boys and may tend toward impurity rather than 
 morality. 
 
 The P&riods of Boyhood 
 
 There is a general unanimity of agreement among those 
 who have studied the matter that .there are three periods 
 of boyhood, each of which has its own individual character- 
 istics. These are, roughly speaking, the years before eight, 
 the years between nine ind fourteen, and the years after 
 fifteen; or the primary years, the grammar-school years and 
 the high-school years. So far as the need of information is 
 concerned, the periods are two rather than three. That is, 
 the first two periods, or the years before the sex nature 
 awakens, are the years of general preparation, while the 
 adolescent years are the years when the matter is a personal 
 problem. Dr. Ira S. Wile names these periods as follows: 
 the age of mythology, the age of chivalry, and the age of 
 civic awakening. These distinctions are excellent. As to 
 the approach appropriate to each of these periods, the boy 
 in the first period needs facts; in the second period, a whole- 
 some development of his emotions and imagination; and in 
 the third, self-control. It is generally agreed that the proper 
 person to guide or discipline the boy during the first period 
 is his mother, during the second, his mother and father, and 
 during the third, his father. 
 
 The information naturally to be given is as follows: dur- 
 ing the first period, as to the decorous, sanitary care of 
 sex organs, and, in answer to questions, as to the origins 
 and renewals of Hfe; during the second period, as to the de- 
 sirability of clean thoughts and wholesome physical living, 
 the development of the generative apparatus, the naturalness 
 of seminal discharges, with such review as may be needed 
 of previous instruction; during the third period, as to a regi- 
 men of self-mastery and chastity, the chivalrous attitude 
 
 [57] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 toward woman, and the peril of the sexual plagues, with 
 special instructions for marriage. 
 
 The Boy Before Eight 
 
 The boy before eight needs two items of instruction: first, 
 as to his personal toilet, and, second, as to the origins and 
 renewal of life. 
 
 Parents should be satisfied very early that the child's pri- 
 vate parts are in a normal condition. Tightness of the foreskin 
 is an indication for circumcision, an operation so harmless 
 that many parents and some entire races always have it 
 performed soon after birth. The result is to keep the organ 
 clean and unirritated, to lessen the temptation to self- 
 handling, to reduce later the frequency of seminal losses and 
 to temper the sensual nature. 
 
 The child should be shown early how to retract the fore- 
 skin and cleanse the parts at the bath and told that they 
 should not be handled for any other purpose. All children 
 should, for reasons of health and comfort, sleep alone; also 
 that they may not learn to meddle with each other. They 
 should be told to treat with scorn and fury any one who 
 suggests such an act. If a child eats simple and non-stimu- 
 lating food, wears loose clothing and is normal and clean, 
 this habit should not become troublesome during this period. 
 Should it have appeared because of any neglect by the par- 
 ents, it can usually be cured after some of the information 
 suggested below has been given and the boy has been en- 
 couraged to sleep with his hands outside the bedclothes. 
 
 Little children need some suggestions about modesty. It 
 is well to explain that some parts of the body are not ex- 
 hibited because they are like the house drains, not shameful 
 but unsightly, or occasion may be taken to show how men's 
 clothing among savages was originally intended chiefly to 
 protect these sensitive and important parts from injury, and 
 
 [S8] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 so it has grown to be "our custom" to keep them out of 
 sight. The child may also be told that whatever the parents 
 may tell him about those organs is rather in the nature of a 
 secret between themselves and him, here again not because 
 the subject is shameful, as it is not, but just as we do not 
 tell our neighbors about our acts of toilet, our prayers or 
 our family afifairs. Some children cannot keep any kind of 
 secret, but the harm they can do by repeating what their 
 parents tell them properly about these matters need not be 
 exaggerated. 
 
 Some explanation of the origins and renewal of life should 
 be made to all children, at least before they begin to go to 
 school. The occasion would better be in answer to some in- 
 evitable question, stimulated perhaps by observation in the 
 farmyard or in the human family life, or by some attempt 
 at revelation by a playmate. The very best of all oppor- 
 tunities that comes, apart from the child's own suggestion, 
 is when a new baby is expected in the home or neighborhood. 
 The evening is a good time, when the light is shaded and the 
 child is in the mother's lap, too sleepy to discuss the matter, 
 but in the mood of content and gratitude. 
 
 As to the parents' manner in telling this story, one or two 
 reassuring things may be said. Do not be self-conscious. 
 "In the experience of childhood," as Dr. Wile reminds us, 
 "all acts have equal rank." We think his questions serious 
 when they are only innocent. He may even already have 
 shocked us by the use of some vulgar word or phrase, but 
 it has been only through ignorance or bravado. Our own 
 manner should be matter-of-fact, as if what we are to tell is 
 not esoteric or unusual to grown-ups, earnest but not flip- 
 pant, and, above all, honest, since we cannot exact honesty 
 from him in all realms unless we grant it to him in this one. 
 We should be sure he is attentive, so that he really gets what 
 we are giving him, that he is satisfied, so that he will remem- 
 
 r59] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 ber, and that we keep his confidence, so that we may resume 
 the subject when necessary. We may think it worth while 
 to question him some days later, to be sure he has grasped 
 what we were saying, and to continue to do this after he has 
 made any new acquaintances whom we do not know very 
 much about. The mother may often wisely postpone an 
 answer to a specific inquiry to some more propitious time, 
 or until she is better prepared to answer it, so long as she 
 keeps her appointment. But the parent who postpones the 
 questions of his child for an indefinite period, promising that 
 later "if he will come to him he will answer," will find that 
 the child will never come back. He will get his information 
 another way. 
 
 It helps bind the- family together in this intimate matter 
 if, when a point of difficulty arises, she says confidently, 
 "Father will know," and arranges that he shall give the 
 answer. 
 
 There are two questions which a young child might ask, 
 and probably will, during these early years. 
 
 Motherhood 
 
 One is this: "Where did I come from?" or "How are 
 babies born?" or some other query which leads to the 
 mother's part in the renewal of life. 
 
 We may suppose that by this time most parents are agreed 
 that "the stork story" and "the doctor story" are unneces- 
 sary. Even if an allegory is desirable during the first five 
 years, one much more beautiful and fitting may be drawn 
 from the nest or the cradle than from the bird. Neither, 
 according to the author's conviction, is it necessary to make 
 the long and devious explanation by way of the plant and 
 animal world. I am sure we do it more because we are shy 
 than because the method is helpful. In some ways, it seems 
 more important to teach the difference rather than the sim- 
 
 [60] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 ilarity between man and animals, for there will come a time 
 when we shall want the boy to know that with animals a 
 normal sex life is an instinct, but with men it is an achieve- 
 ment. We do not wish to encourage the idea that they are 
 to act like the animals. Yet for the present, the "farmyard 
 method" and the "flower-garden method" are useful as 
 supports for the human story. True though it is that "all life 
 comes from the egg," how much more simple it is to teach 
 at once that all human life comes from parents. And why not 
 tell little children immediately that mothers are the life-hearers, 
 and that the little child himself was carried in a nest in his 
 mother's body close under her heart and was born into the 
 world, as all little ones are, through the gates of birth? Soon 
 after the mother has given this fact, the father ought to take 
 the child into his arms and tell the boy how long it was and 
 how hard and how perilous for the dear mother, and that he 
 owes her his best love always, since his life in this beautiful 
 world was given by hers and at the risk of hers. After this, 
 the universality of birth in the animal world may be instanced 
 as it comes to the child's observation in the dog, the cat and 
 the rabbit. Yet there are differences which need always to 
 be strongly held in calling attention to these analogies: the 
 human life is immeasurably above that of any of the animals ; 
 human parents love before they mate, and they care for their 
 children throughout their lifetime as none of the animals do. 
 Analogies from the plant world are not very direct or clear. 
 It is quite possible for a child to absorb a great many botan- 
 ical and other biological facts, and not apply them to himself 
 until it is too late. 
 
 Fatherhood 
 
 The other question which the young child may ask is as to 
 
 the father's part in reproduction. It may be stimulated by 
 
 observation of his pets or other animals. It may merely be 
 
 an inquiry as to the purpose of his own sex organs, of which 
 
 [6i] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 he has been urged to take care. It is often asked by the 
 child when taking a bath. 
 
 Whether the question is really asked or not, the writer 
 believes that the truth should be told very early. It is much 
 better to tell it when the child is innocent and the information 
 is received by the child absolutely without any sex-conscious- 
 ness. It is much easier to tell it when the parent is not self- 
 conscious. There is something illogical in "playing up" moth- 
 erhood and entirely ignoring fatherhood, which is the vocation 
 for which this child is being prepared. We do not use the 
 strongest motive for the protection of the organs of genera- 
 tion when we refrain knowledge of their use. True, the 
 young child may partly forget what we tell him now, but it 
 will be easier later to remind him than to try to reveal it 
 de novo. Knowledge of the sex-difFerences early may pre- 
 vent some embarrassing situations which otherwise are quite 
 inevitable. 
 
 Since it has been found that the majority of boys by the 
 age of ten have some idea, usually coarsened and garbled, 
 of the father's share in reproduction, it is the writer's con- 
 viction that by that time, at least, each boy should be in- 
 formed by his own father in what a father's part in the 
 renewal of life consists. 
 
 The essential thing to tell is that as the mother is the life- 
 bearer, so the father is the life-giver. The child may be in- 
 formed that, if he takes good care of himself and grows up 
 strong and pure, some day he will have within his body, 
 in the region already indicated, seeds of life. Tell him, too, that 
 his outer tube, the penis as it is called, must carry those seeds 
 of life into some mother-nest, of which he has been told, 
 where, after they have been joined to tiny egg-cells of that 
 mother, a little baby may come into being. The story, thus 
 told, will impress any little child as a beautiful miracle-play. 
 In all such explanation the scientific names of the parts may 
 
 [62] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 be mentioned, so that the child in search for appellations 
 will not cling to the vulgar ones. Here again occasional 
 confirmation of fact may be noted in the neighboring birds 
 and pets. 
 
 There are a number of important advantages in the ap- 
 proach thus indicated. 
 
 It starts not, as such teaching usually does, from the indi- 
 vidual — his wants, his pleasures, his introspections — but from 
 the family, the first social unit, the greatest human fact, to 
 which we should focus attention throughout, and for which 
 we should demand early and lifelong loyalty. 
 
 It lays the foundation of self-control in sufficient motives 
 and correct ideas. A child gets no other conception of the 
 use of the sex organs from his companions or his other asso- 
 ciations on the street than that it is primarily for personal 
 and sensual pleasure. From his father should come the 
 thought that it is chiefly intended as the instrument for hand- 
 ing down the life of the family and for his own virile devel- 
 opment as a future man in that family. 
 
 It satisfies and allays normal curiosity and thus sets the 
 child free to continue to be childlike, and not inquisitive, 
 furtive or baffled. This method would seem to meet the ob- 
 jections of Miinsterberg, who is about the only opponent of 
 sex education. He thinks such knowledge to be hygienically 
 advantageous but emotionally upsetting to a boy. Give it 
 early enough, when it is first wanted, and it furnishes the 
 hygienic protection without the emotional disturbance. 
 
 How sound and satisfying was the testimony of the boy 
 who, after talking these matters over with his chums, and 
 becoming disgusted with the evident subterfuges which had 
 been retailed to them by their parents, exclaimed: "Let's go 
 and ask my mother. She always tells the truth!" 
 
 [63] 
 
CHAPTER VII 
 RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 The Child's Nurture 
 What shall we teach the little child about religion? Re- 
 membering that he is perfectly credulous, but also that he is 
 of limited capacity, naturally we should teach him only what 
 he is ready for. Instead of vohmteering information upon 
 all sorts of religious topics, our conversation should be 
 chiefly confined to those things in which he shows a ready 
 interest ; and our religious replies should be almost entirely 
 to questions that he raises himself. 
 
 Teaching About God 
 
 Little children will believe about God whatever we tell 
 them, because they always believe what they are told; and 
 in this respect there is, as Professor Coe tells us, "no differ- 
 ence discernible between belief in God, the Sand Man or the 
 Black Man." 
 
 President Hall thinks that "the child's conception of God 
 should not be personal or too familiar at first, but that He 
 should appear distant and vague, inspiring awe and reverence 
 far more than love; in a word, as the God of nature, rather 
 than as devoted to lovable ministrations to the child's individ- 
 ual wants. The latter should be taught to be a faithful serv- 
 ant rather than as a favorite of God." This is not quite the 
 view of God which is usually given first to children by their 
 parents. The peril of such a conception is that God, being 
 removed from humanity both by distance and by nature, be- 
 comes to the child a sort of religious watchman. Harry E. 
 Bartow tells how his little boy once came in, saying: "I was 
 
 [64] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 playing in the yard, and God looked down on me, and I said, 
 'I don't like you to look at me, God.' " Mr. Bartow there- 
 fore proceeded to dwell much upon God's love and to tell 
 him that God watched to see how good and happy he was. 
 "That God we told him about did not dislike naughty boys; 
 He loved all boys, but was happier when boys were good." 
 
 Most parents teach about God as Jesus did, as our Father, 
 perhaps unconsciously expecting that this thought will be 
 interpreted by human parenthood. It may not be wholly 
 sentiment which causes us to approve the following anecdote, 
 which illustrates how the child reads his social experience 
 with his parents into his thought of God. The story is told 
 by Coe. "Mamma," said a small boy, "do you know what 
 I'm going to do the first thing when I get to heaven? I'm 
 going to run up to the heavenly Father and give Him a kiss !" 
 
 So near is the child to the animal world that we cannot 
 reach to the depth of his nature unless we touch the animal 
 and passional as well as the spiritual. The child must be 
 made manly before he can become godlike. In no better 
 way does the mother reveal the love of God than by her 
 anxiety so to satisfy the child's physical needs as to reveal 
 her own love to him. The sense of perpetual comfort and 
 care not only makes the child feel at home in his world, but 
 makes him convinced that God is a person there. The shar- 
 ing of physical hfe has in it, as Dr. Coe suggests, the sacred- 
 ness of incarnation. The essential method of education is 
 the sharing of life between a higher and a lower person, 
 whereby the principle of incarnation is carried forward in 
 each new generation. 
 
 This care of the body of the child has another religious 
 value, too, in that protecting the child as a good animal is 
 the wholesomest way to prepare him to become a good 
 Christian. 
 
 But even this thought of the Fatherhood of God does not 
 
 [65] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 entirely satisfy the child, because it does not seem to fill the 
 spaces of the universe with his presence. There is still much 
 that is dark and mysterious which the child cannot explain. 
 We may therefore agree with President Hall, that anything 
 that stimulates the child's thoughts about the unseen world, 
 which makes him believe that nature is alive and friendly, is 
 truly religious teaching. Whatever fosters -the sense of 
 being at home in the universe, or in any way teaches the 
 sense of the oneness of it, is leading toward the desired 
 end. 
 
 The first question which suggests to the mother the neces- 
 sity of telling the child about God is usually a question of 
 cause. Dr. George E. Dawson cites a child, probably his 
 own, who began with his fourth year and seemed always to 
 be trying to find out where things come from originally and 
 who keeps the world a-going. "Who makes the birds?" 
 "Who made the very first bird?" "Who fixed their wings 
 so they can fly?" "Who takes care of the birds and rabbits 
 in the winter, when the snow is on the ground?" "Who 
 makes the grass grow?" "Who makes the trees?" "Who 
 makes them shed their leaves and get them back again?" 
 "Who made the sand and rocks in Forest Park?" "Who 
 made the Connecticut River?" "Who keeps it from running 
 dry?" "Who makes it thunder?" Who put the moon in 
 the sky?" "Who made the whole world?" "Who made peo- 
 ple?" "Who made me?" "Does God make everything?" 
 "Who made God?" "Was God already made?" "Is God 
 everywhere?" Such were the questions asked again and 
 again, with all sorts of comments in reply to the answers that 
 were given. The question of what is the origin of things 
 was seldom or never asked. It was always who; and when the 
 personal cause the child was seeking was named "God" in 
 connection with numerous objects he finally generalized by 
 asking if God makes everything. Earl Barnes cites a four- 
 
 [66] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 year-old girl who asked more definite questions. "What 
 does God eat? Is it chopped grass? Doesn't God have any 
 dinner? Did Robinson Crusoe' live before God? Who was 
 before God? Is rain God's tears running out of the sky? 
 How did God put the moon in the sky?" 
 
 Mrs. Edith Read Mumford says: 
 
 "The romance of fairies, gnomes and sprites is, to my mind, 
 full of spiritual truth. Every flower, every leaf, every object 
 around us, has a spirit of its own; is fraught with mystery. 
 They are riiore than material objects; they are, as it were, 
 • thoughts of the Creative Power clothed in matter. Can the 
 Spirit of love, of power, of beauty, of humor, embodied in 
 the world, be more fitly expressed for the child than in this 
 undergrowth, as it were, of tiny creatures, haunting the night, 
 when the 'humans' are asleep; this world of moral, immoral 
 and non-moral fairy beings?" 
 
 Because of the vividness with which children clothe inani- 
 mate things with life we must be cautious about telling chil- 
 dren things which they may magnify into terrorizing objects. 
 It is cruel to tell children stories about "The Bad Man," 
 "The Big Bear that will catch you," etc. Bolton suggests 
 that even the good fairies and Santa Claus should never be 
 represented as dwelling too near. Let them be the "good 
 men away oflf." A child may sufifer great mental agony if 
 he thinks that even dear old Santa Claus lives in the 
 kitchen chimney. 
 
 In teaching little children about God, Jesus must be left 
 for the present in their thought, no matter what be the 
 theological beliefs of the parents, rather, as Horace Bushnell 
 said, "as the good Carpenter saving the world" than as Deity. 
 Any other idea is likely to be grotesque. Their attitude 
 toward him should be that of loyalty. The thought: "You 
 must not do this because father and mother would not like 
 it" may be extended to include Jesus. They should feel to 
 
 [67] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 him a similar allegiance, admiration and affection, with some- 
 thing of hero-worship added. To develop such loyalty in 
 childhood is to do the greatest thing that can be done for 
 the shaping of character. 
 
 Teaching About Duty 
 
 The child's conception of duty is always concrete; it always 
 takes the form of some definite thing to be done or to be 
 left undone now. 
 
 It consists therefore almost entirely in the forming of cor- 
 rect habits of doing the customary things that are to be done 
 and of inhibiting the things that are customarily not to be 
 done. 
 
 Habit is not morality, but habits are the root of morality. 
 "However eager you may be that your child should con- 
 scientiously press toward the right," says G. Spiller; "however 
 convinced you may be of the small value of mere good habits, 
 yet you can only reasonably hope for conscious love of the 
 right when good habits have paved the way. Your whole 
 hope of making children love the right life depends entirely 
 on the pre-supposition that the desire to be good does not 
 encounter a mob of bad habits. It depends also upon your 
 continued watchfulness in this direction, never allowing 
 anarchy to enter into your children's souls." And Dr. Arthur 
 Holmes puts it even more concretely when he says: "The 
 problem of character-making with the child from one to 
 twelve years of age resolves itself into making good habits 
 by having the child do things." 
 
 Let there be regularity in meals, going to bed, getting up, 
 etc. Let there be order in picking up things and putting 
 them away after playing. A good suggestion for this is a 
 big box, with a cover or a low shelf, where the baby may pile 
 things up. A child should be taught early to restrain certain 
 impulses, like crying and anger, the natural processes of 
 
 [68] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 nature, through regularity, and at the same time gradually 
 learn to wait for a few minutes for something he wants. 
 Especially must the habit of silence at proper times be culti- 
 vated in a little child, not only that he may not disturb others, 
 but that he may not miss some experience or opportunity 
 to learn himself. 
 
 Habit-forming 
 
 First of all the good habits of life in importance is abso- 
 lute, unquestioning obedience to father, mother, nurse, 
 teacher or law. When the child reaches for articles on the 
 table and the parent says, "No, no," that should be as final 
 as the later recognition of one of the laws of nature. We 
 shall never succeed in making of the child a moral person if 
 he does not realize early that there are higher laws than the 
 law of his will. The higher law is the law of absolute right, of 
 which, throughout childhood, the parent is herself trying to 
 be the embodiment. With very young children no reason 
 need be given for our commands. "It is enough to them," 
 says Mrs. Cradock, "that 'mother or nurse says so.' Grad- 
 ually, as they learn that what mother or nurse says is always 
 right, they will learn to co-operate in this matter of obedi- 
 ence. This is, indeed, what we have to aim at. Blind, un- 
 reasoning obedience must come first; but unless it leads the 
 children to govern themselves, it is not worth much." The 
 child has such good will that we need neither persuade nor 
 force him to obey, but only "clear-sightedly remove the 
 various moral and physical obstructions which lie in the way 
 of his obedience, with the confident expectation that his 
 latent instinct will develop spontaneously in the new and 
 favorable conditions." 
 
 As the child grows older, the number of conscious motives 
 to obedience increases. Impulse is strengthened by loyal 
 allegiance and the experience of prudence by the experience 
 of joy in duty. A mother, who was herself a well-known 
 
 [69] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 writer for children, has recorded in some notes on her chil- 
 dren that when one of her little girls had declined to accede 
 to her wish she used to say to her: "Oh, yes; I think when 
 you have remembered how pleasant it is to oblige others you 
 will do it." "I will think about it, mamma," the child would 
 reply, laughing, and then go and hide her head behind a sofa 
 pillow which she called her "thinking-corner." In half a 
 minute she would come out and say: "Oh, yes, mamma; I 
 have thought about it, and I will do it." This strikes me as 
 an admirable combination of regulative suggestion with the 
 consciousness of using her own will, which yet maintained 
 the needed measure of guidance and loyalty. 
 
 Though we do not undergo the waste of time to give 
 reasons, we must, of course, be reasonable ourselves. Many 
 of the children's offenses are due to the unreasonableness of 
 their parents. Some mothers are so secure in their own in- 
 fallibility that they mistake what they hear from "the con- 
 volutions of a smooth-lipped shell" for the thunders of the 
 everlasting sea. To watch a woman with an Alice-in-Won- 
 derland type of mind assume the sceptre of a pope with the 
 insensibility of a goldfish is to observe an instance of divine 
 sovereignty for which there is no cure and from which there 
 is no appeal. Our very authority tempts us to a lust for 
 power and for an exhibition of our power over our children. 
 This lust for power itself brings blindness and causes us often 
 to do our children pitiable injustice. 
 
 Among the habits suitable to little children none is more 
 important than that of self-directed play. It is possible at 
 a very early period to begin training the child to play by 
 himself for gradually lengthening periods. It is also pos- 
 sible within the earliest years for him to acquire the habits 
 of joy in little things and in home-made playthings, and 
 increasingly to take charge of his own time and his own 
 amusement. 
 
 [70] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 Some one may say that all this tends to make the child 
 an automaton. He does good now as a matter of routine, 
 but this does not mean that we may predict that he will do 
 good in the future. Now, this is exactly what the vitality 
 of habit does accomplish. "Children," says W. B. Drum- 
 mond, "are creatures of habit in nothing more than this: 
 that a particular hne of conduct which they once pursue, for 
 any reason whatever, becomes a source of childish preference 
 — ^the germ of a bias toward certain lines of action, the pos- 
 sible foundation of a scheme of moral values." The child 
 is pre-eminently a traditionalist. When he has once or twice 
 conformed, he desires thereafter always to conform. Ernest 
 Abbott cites a mother who came into the nursery one Sunday 
 afternoon and found her little boy studying. She was sur- 
 prised, and said: "We try to keep Sunday different from 
 other days. After this we shall understand that you are not 
 to study on Sunday." A little more than two weeks later 
 the boy came home from school and said, "Sammy is a funny 
 boy." Sammy was a schoolmate. "What has he done?" in- 
 quired Paul's mother. "Why, Sammy gets his lessons on 
 Sunday." Two Sundays had sufificed for the establishment 
 of a new purpose in a relation so complete that a violation of 
 it by another had seemed to him grotesque. 
 
 Perhaps the child outgrows this automatic relation to 
 righteousness sometimes earlier than we think, owing to his 
 intense personifying of things; his sense of loyalty to right 
 may be as early and as powerful as that of loyalty to persons. 
 Mrs. Dorothy Canfield Fisher says: "I know a child not yet 
 quite three, who, by the maddeningly persistent interroga- 
 tions characteristic of his age, has succeeded in extracting 
 from a pair of gardening elders an explanation of the differ- 
 ence between weeds and flowers, and who has been so struck 
 with this information that he has, entirely of his own volition, 
 enlisted himself in the army of natural-born reformers. 
 
 [71] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 With the personal note of very little children, who find it 
 impossible to think in terms at all abstract, he has con- 
 structed in his baby mind an exciting drama in the garden, 
 unfolding itself before his eyes — a drama in which he acts, 
 by virtue of his comparatively huge size and giant strength, 
 the generous role of deus ex machina, constantly rescuing 
 beauty beset by her foes. He throws himself upon a weed, 
 uproots it and casts it away with the righteously indignant 
 exclamation: 'Horrid old weed! Stop eating the flowers' 
 dinner!'" 
 
 Our children do not entirely satisfy us. They develop, 
 even before they enter school, many bad habits. What shall 
 we do about these bad habits? The first thing to try is to 
 ignore them entirely. Take, for example, the impulse to- 
 ward "bad language." The child constantly picks up ex- 
 pressions absolutely meaningless to him, some of which are 
 shocking to us who are older. "If," says Irving King, "one 
 of these expressions is ignored by his elders or playmates, it 
 never comes to the focus of attention and probably is per- 
 manently dropped. A three-year-old boy in a refined family 
 was once trying to tell his mother and sisters about some- 
 thing, but they, being busy, did not pay attention to him 
 and several times asked him to repeat his story. Finally, 
 
 he cried out impatiently: 'Go to ! Do you hear that?' 
 
 He had found the expression no one knew where, and as no 
 one paid the least attention to it, he never said it again. If 
 he had been scolded 'for using such naughty words,' he 
 would probably have been out with it again at the next 
 appropriate moment." If this does not work, we may place 
 the child in an environment where, by unconscious imitation, 
 he will acquire correct habits and will forget the old ones. 
 This is Dr. Holmes' method of playing an instinct against a 
 habit. The instinct of imitation conquers the habit of slang 
 dialect and profanity. 
 
 [72] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 Habits of Reverence 
 
 The importance of the habit of courtesy of demeanor lies 
 in the fact that courtesy is a form of reverence. "Courtesy," 
 as Dr. Hodges tells us, "expresses our recognition of the 
 presence of others, and is, at its highest, the expression of 
 the presence of God." 
 
 Out of this very authority of ours and out of this courtesy 
 which we inculcate in the children comes that distinct relation 
 to the Divine which we know as reverence. By the absolute- 
 ness of our authority the will of the child is saved from ca- 
 price and feels the power of steadiness. "Such authority," 
 says Dr. Hall, "excites a unique, unfathomable sense of rev- 
 erence, which brings the capacity for will culture — that 
 strongest and soundest of all moral motives." It is at first felt 
 only toward persons, but it soon becomes possible to trans- 
 fer that reverence toward the person of God. 
 
 "Children," says Mrs. Mumford, "are not ready for prayer 
 at any fixed period in their lives. In some the instinct of 
 affection and gratitude is late in developing. If they do not 
 greatly love the father whom they have seen, how can they 
 love a Father whom they have not seen? And if they do 
 not love, are they ready to pray? The first condition of all 
 religion is merging of self-love into other love. Love goes 
 before faith. Not to love is not to believe, for it is love 
 which makes us feel that the object is worthy of our faith. 
 Bit by bit, in the case of such children, we need to develop 
 the loving side of their nature and watch for our opportunity 
 to tell them of God. Some children can truly pray before 
 they are three; others not till much later. But the earlier 
 the better, if the prayer is real. Until they can pray them- 
 selves we must let them see that we pray for them. But 
 when they begin to be capable of unselfish love toward those 
 around them, begin to grow in their power of imagination — 
 on some specially glad day, when we are tucking them up at 
 
 [73] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 night, we can remind them of all the glad things in their 
 lives — recall the joys of that day, the beautiful sunshine, the 
 flowers in the garden, the romp with Father, the kisses and 
 the hugs at bedtime, till the little one glows with conscious 
 joy! Then we can ask: 'Who gives you all this joy? Who 
 makes Father and Mother love you? Who makes you love 
 them — ^the loving that makes you so glad?' We can tell 
 them it is God who gives all good things. Would they like 
 to thank God? If the children respond, and they will re- 
 spond if we have chosen the right moment, with their eyes 
 shut and hands reverently folded, we let them say their first 
 spontaneous prayer: 'Thank you for making me happy; 
 please make everybody happy,' is one such first prayer. The 
 form of prayer may depend upon the child and our sugges- 
 tions to the child; but we must see that it is real." 
 
 Reverence in Prayer 
 
 The importance of reverent attitudes is that they readily 
 become to the child the physical expression of the moral 
 feeling. "The child's first ideas of prayer," Froebel said, 
 "come to him when an infant by the mother's kneeling beside 
 his crib in silent prayer; her bowed head and kneeling body 
 tell of submission to and reverence for a power greater than 
 herself; her tone of voice when she speaks of sacred things is 
 far more effectual with the little listener than the words she 
 says." 
 
 Mrs. Cradock tells of a man who once said to her: "I do 
 not remember anything my mother said to me about my 
 behavior at prayers, but what did impress me and what I can 
 never forget is her own intense reverence as she knelt beside 
 me when I said my childish prayers. That impressed me, 
 though her words are all forgotten." 
 
 It hardly needs to be said that kneeling in a cold room 
 is not sacred and that the necessary haste to get into bed 
 
 [74] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 destroys any sense of reverence. Many young children love 
 to say their prayers on what William Canton's "W. V." 
 called mother's "blessed lap of heaven." Why should a 
 child pray at his mother's knee? Is there any reason ex- 
 cept that it is a pretty sight? Mother is not God. She, too, 
 needs to pray. Is it not better for mother and child to kneel 
 side by side? 
 
 The child should be alone with his mother when he says 
 his prayers. Charming as is the sight of a kneeling baby, it 
 is an outrage to the spirit of reverence to bring him, as some 
 careless parents do, into the parlor in the presence of guests 
 to say his bedtime petitions, or to allow him to be visited or 
 disturbed while he is repeating them. I am sure we must 
 agree with Dr. Henry Woodward Hurlbert, that "Any parent 
 who, for the amusement of a dinner party or a social circle, 
 will thus draw aside the curtain of the Holy of Holies, into 
 which she may have been permitted to enter with her child 
 into God's very presence, seems ill-fitted to be intrusted with 
 a child. If ever a confessional should be considered sacredly 
 confidential, it is that at a mother's knee. Let us plead with 
 people to shut the doors of their lips on such a theme and to 
 discourage in every way we know how the common modern 
 practice. No sign of the shallowness of much of our more 
 recent home life is more saddening. What can you expect 
 of the religious life of a child who must, perforce, sit and 
 hear some slip of his tongue, or some crude pertness, or 
 some extravaganza of language, or even shrewd and bright 
 utterance in prayer, made the whimsical entertainment of a 
 -company, or who hears the prayers of other children thus 
 bandied about?" 
 
 The physical relaxation of bedtime is an appropriate time 
 for prayers, but even more vital to the spirit of the child is 
 that he should open the day with a sense of gratitude and 
 an active spirit of devotion. Even the little child should also 
 
 [75] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 be taught that he may say his prayers anywhere, and that 
 kneeling is not essential to tallsing with his heavenly Father. 
 
 We have an opportunity to develop the spirit of reverence 
 by the child's contact with the world in which he lives. To 
 bring a little one into a great church, perhaps a cathedral, 
 either during the beautiful service or when the sanctuary is 
 empty, and teaching him to step softly, to catch the wonder of 
 the height, the depth or the dimensions and to look up with 
 reverence toward the Holy Place, is to give the child an 
 emotional impression that will be far-reaching. Even more 
 profound is the child's reaction toward darkness and star- 
 light. Some children who were afraid to stay in bed alone 
 have been entirely reassured by being taken to the window 
 and shown the hosts of heaven, which seemed to them like 
 guardian spirits. So tremendous is the impression of the 
 multitude of stars upon children that one child, at least, 
 acknowledged, even in womanhood, that she was scarcely 
 able then to endure to look upon their splendor. Courtesy, 
 that form of reverence which works toward inferior beings, 
 may be extended to the world of animals and plants ; and the 
 tender-hearted protection of the tiny world of living things 
 has close relation to a reverential religious life. 
 
 Father Sill thinks that there should be a special prayer 
 place in the house, an "oratory" if possible, if not, a comer, 
 as an aid to devotion. 
 
 Attention in Prayer 
 This is a much-neglected element of reverence. It may 
 be called its intellectual side. "It may seem," says Mrs. 
 Cradock, "at first sight strange to class it with such things 
 as reverence or truthfulness. But it is a habit which so 
 closely affects our whole life, spiritual, mental and physical, 
 that the importance of it can hardly be exaggerated. How 
 can we pray, in after life, with any real force or reality if we 
 
 [76] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 cannot 'attend' for five minutes together? How can we 
 relate accurately anything we have heard if we have only half 
 'attended' to what was said? How much shall we miss of the 
 beauty and joy of life if we only look at noble pictures or 
 read great poems with wandering attention? We might go 
 into almost any domain of life and see what a hampering 
 effect want of attention has and how much good work it 
 cripples. A schoolmaster said to a boy one day in class: 
 'If you don't attend better to what you are doing, you will 
 find that when you are a man you can't pray when you want 
 to; you won't be able to attend then.' Years afterward the 
 boy met a school friend and said: 'Do you remember what 
 so and so (naming his old master) said about my not attend- 
 ing? Well, it has come quite true. I find I simply can't 
 attend when I try to pray.' " 
 
 Dr. Henry Hurlbert reminds us: "Our word 'thank' comes 
 from the same Aryan root as does the word 'think.' A 
 think-ful heart is a thank-ful heart. Let even a very little 
 child be made thankful about God's goodness, and he will 
 desire to thank Him." 
 
 In a charming book for children, called "The Little Book 
 of Courtesie," Katharine Tynan Hinkson has put quaintly the 
 message which we have to give our children : "The wise Child, 
 when he has awakened from sleep and risen and clad himself, 
 will remember Him who kept him all the night in peace 
 and safety, and, kneeling down, with his hands and his heart 
 lifted to Heaven, he will praise and thank that Kind Maker 
 and Preserver. He will be so in unison with all Creation, 
 for the Birds sing, the Flowers lift their faces, the whole 
 world, refreshed, sends up grateful incense toward the good 
 God. Even in the Wintertime, if the child be housed in 
 Town rather than in the fresh and pleasant Country, he will 
 hear the Sparrows saying their prayers. Be quite sure that in 
 the great chorus of praise which all creation is sending up 
 
 l77] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 to the Throne of God that kind and fatherly God would miss 
 the voice of one little Child who had forgotten Him. It 
 would be the greatest Discourtesy if while he prayed a 
 Child were to think of other things — of his Breakfast, or his 
 Games, or a Treat promised him, or any other matter what- 
 soever. If one was talking to some one very dear, Father 
 or Mother or favorite Friend, he would not be thinking of 
 other things and not of them. So the good Child will say 
 his Prayers, remembering to Whom he speaks; and after- 
 wards he will go to his daily Tasks and Pleasures with a sense 
 of Blessing." 
 
 How TO Teach a Child to Pray 
 "When Margery was about two," says the mother 
 in a book by Susan Chenery, "I taught her to say a 
 little prayer, and had her repeat it every night on 
 going to bed. 'God bless Margery,' — that was all at 
 first; but I showed her how to kneel, and she understood 
 that the prayer was always to come before lying down for 
 the night. Of course, the name of God meant nothing to 
 her, and the three words together nothing at all. My only 
 idea was to have her begin to pray so early that it would be 
 second nature to her to say her evening prayer, and, indeed, 
 that she should not be able to recall the time when she did 
 not say it. As she grew older I suggested 'God bless papa. 
 God bless mamma. God bless Frank. God bless Margery,* 
 and this was the form for some time, but was altered to 
 admit others from time to time, and often stretches out now 
 into a long list of friends and relatives. 
 
 "Not for a long time did I try to teach her anything about 
 God ; but it was probably in answer to some questions of 
 hers that I explained, when she was old enough to be inter- 
 ested, that God loves us, that He is the Father of all the 
 people in the world, that He wants everyone to do what is 
 
 [78] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 right, that He sees everything that happens, that He is glad 
 when we do right and sorry when we do wrong, and that He 
 has a home where He takes His children when they are 
 through with this world." 
 
 One mother, cited by Kate Upson Clark, met a special 
 problem in teaching her child to frame a prayer of his own. 
 She met it wisely, as follows: "I found it impossible, when 
 my eldest child became old enough to make up a prayer for 
 himself, to induce him to do it. He was too shy and too 
 reserved to do it. He could not seem to find the words. I 
 meditated upon the matter, and prayed for light upon it. At 
 last I saw that, as the most effective instruction is by means 
 of the object lesson, it was my duty to oflfer such a prayer as 
 I thought he ought to, until he should learn to do it for 
 himself. Therefore, instead of offering a mere formal and 
 conventional prayer, as I had been used to, I began to offer 
 such a prayer as I thought he would want to, using expres- 
 sions like, 'when I grow up,' and 'help me to obey my father 
 and mother and teachers,' just as if he were talking himself. 
 The prayer is always very short and plain. As the younger 
 children became old enough to understand, I adopted the 
 same custom with them. 
 
 "That they enjoyed this little prayer, so simple and so 
 short that I am almost ashamed to mention it, is proved by 
 the fact that they often say, 'Don't forget your little prayer, 
 mamma'; and if I am going out to dinner, or to any enter- 
 tainment, they say, 'Why, mamma, you can't say your little 
 prayer if you go away and don't get back until we have 
 gone to sleep.' " 
 
 This practice is certainly a beautiful one, and if the mother 
 does not always succeed in making her petitions childlike 
 and the little one falls asleep, it will in later days be a sacred 
 memory that she used to fall asleep amid her mother's 
 prayers. 
 
 [79] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 It is a misfortune to allow children to think that petition 
 must be the chief element in prayer. If they think that, they 
 are bound to become selfish. The chief element in a true 
 prayer is gratitude. A spirit of thankfulness, appreciation 
 for daily blessings, is easily inculcated by taking every 
 good gift as direct from the Father's hand and mentioning 
 it as such to the child. Susan Chenery cites her observation 
 of the mother in her story, as follows: 
 
 "I not infrequently heard her say when the children were 
 near: 'I thank God for this beautiful day.' T thank God for 
 this lovely rain.' 'I thank God that papa is all right again.' 
 'I thank God that He sent you to me, my darling child.' 'I 
 thank God that no bones were broken in that fall.' I told 
 Helen one day that she reminded me of the 'Lord save us' of 
 some of our humbler fellow Christians 1" 
 
 " 'I think I learned it from them,' she answered, a twinkle 
 rippling over her face. 'I say it in my heart every time my 
 feet are kept from falling, but I say it aloud when the chil- 
 dren are near, that they may know my dependence upon 
 God.' " 
 
 The mother who keeps the thought of gratitude continually 
 before her children will soon see what an effect it has upon 
 their characters in making them happy and more content. 
 Here comes the close relation between hymns and prayer, 
 since a hymn is chiefly a song of gratitude. 
 
 From the little kindergarten song, "Father, we thank 
 thee," to the longer hymns in the church hymnals, there are 
 many songs and hymns which have a powerful influence in 
 directing the child's thought to its Maker and instilling the 
 habit of praise and thankfulness. 
 
 One mother always begins the day with a hymn of praise. 
 The children are awakened by it, and each joins in as he 
 hears it until all are singing happily. 
 
 When the child is old enough to attend church, special 
 
 [80] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 care should be taken to instruct him as to the meaning of 
 public worship. At the first, attendance upon such services 
 should be a special reward of merit at home and for good 
 behavior at church. But in early years the impressive morn- 
 ing worship will have the most potent effect on the child's 
 whole life. On entering the church, as the organ plays 
 devotionally, the child should be taught to bow the head in 
 worship. At that moment he may be instructed to whisper 
 a little prayer which he has learned at home for the purpose. 
 I suggest this : 
 
 Dear Father, here I am in Thy house, to thank Thee for Thy 
 goodness to me and to all Thy people. Help me as I sing and 
 listen with those who love Thee. Amen. 
 
 If there is an opportunity to kneel or bow before going 
 out, the child may say : 
 
 Dear Father, I am going away now from Thy house out 
 into the world. Help me not to forget Thee, and to be always 
 thankful. Amen. 
 
 So strong is the imitativeness of little children that it is 
 often extraordinarily difficult to determine, even in the case 
 of the child of six or seven, how far his religion has, even at 
 that age, become directly personal or whether God is not 
 often a being to whom access is only possible through some 
 one else. Susan Chenery gives an illustration in which we 
 seem to watch the growth of the child into a personal con- 
 ception of God. 
 
 "Margery had been repeating a prayer for a good many 
 months before she realized the privileges of prayer. One 
 night she said to me as I tucked her up for the night, 
 'Mamma, what do people do when they want things?' Not 
 quite understanding her, I yet answered, 'If it is something 
 to buy, and they have money and know it is right to buy 
 it, why, thej go and get it.' 'But if it isn't to buy with money, 
 
 [8i] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 and they don't know how to get it?' 'I'll tell you what I do, 
 Margery; I ask God to let me have it if it is good for me, but 
 that I don't want it if it isn't.' 'How do you ask Him?' 'I 
 say, "Oh, God, if it is best, help me to get this thing, and 
 don't let me have it if it isn't good for me." ' 'Oh, yes, 
 now I know. If I whisper it, can He hear?' 'Yes, indeed, 
 or if you just think it, He will know all about it.' She told 
 me afterward what it was she wanted, and that she had asked 
 for it." 
 
 A second-hand relation to religion may be due to the 
 habit of always encouraging children to say their prayers 
 at their mother's knee. It may be that entire solitude some- 
 times will help counteract the tendency of letting the mother 
 be always mediator between the child and God. 
 
 The child who has been taught that the existence of a 
 personal God is a sure conviction has a personal religious 
 experience which is both a comfort and strength. Mrs. 
 Mumford cites a boy named Stephen, who was about four 
 years old and who was prone to fits of rudeness and anger. 
 One day there had been a particularly sad exhibition of 
 temper and his mother, thinking he might get help from 
 prayer — she had tried with all her might to teach him self- 
 control, but failure was frequent — added, when he had fin- 
 ished his prayers at night, that she wanted to say a few words 
 to God for him. "Don't tell Him about today," urged the 
 poor little lad, his conscience pricking him at once, but when 
 his mother told him that He knew without being told, 
 and was so sorry, and wanted to help. "If He knows," 
 he added, "I am glad. Do ask Him to help me; I can't 
 manage." 
 
 A sense of the personal presence of God is not only a 
 comfort, but a support. The child who feels it can be trusted 
 anywhere. "He has within him," says Dr. Hodges, "a de- 
 fense against evil, and an inspiration to do good. His own, 
 
 [82] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 native, independent desire to please God. He has a talis- 
 man of protection and strength which no amount of moral 
 teaching can give him. He has been given a spiritual en- 
 dowment which will make him rich as long as he lives." 
 
 Perhaps the prayer most commonly taught to little chil- 
 dren is the one that begins "Now I lay me." This has been 
 objected to by many parents because of its entire selfishness 
 and its prominent suggestion of danger and death. It is no 
 longer necessary that every child's prayer should include 
 an anticipation of night attacks of enemies. A better render- 
 ing is this: 
 
 "Now I lay me down to sleep, 
 I pray Thee, Lord, my soul to keep ; 
 Thy love be with me through the night, 
 And bless me with the morning light." 
 
 Mrs. Mary Duncan many years ago composed a rhyming 
 prayer which is thoroughly childlike and contains many ele- 
 ments of a good prayer. 
 
 "Jesus, tender Shepherd, hear me, "All this day Thy hand has led me, 
 Bless Thy little lamb to-night; And I thank Thee for Thy care; 
 Through the darkness be Thou 'Thou hast warmed me, clothed 
 near me ; and fed me ; 
 
 Keep me safe till morning light. Licten to my evening prayer ! 
 
 "Let my sins be all forgiven; 
 
 Bless the friends I love so well; 
 Take us all at last to heaven, 
 Happy there with Thee to dwell." 
 
 Dr. George Hodges gives the following petition, in which 
 the suggestion of a rhyme assists the memory: "O Lord our 
 Heavenly Father, lead me, guard me, help me, bless me, 
 keep me, make me pure and brave and true in all I think and 
 say and do!" 
 
 Mrs. Mumford suggests two elements as appropriate to 
 the content of a child's prayer. 
 
 [83] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 "In the first place, the words of the prayer, if words have 
 to be suggested, must be in touch with the child's experience 
 and feelings. 
 
 "In the second place, such experience must be recalled, 
 and the feeling of love reawakened, as a preliminary to 
 prayer. Only in this way can prayer be real on the part of 
 the child." 
 
 The author has collected from various sources a small 
 Treasury of Prayers for Little Children, in each of which 
 Mrs. Mumford's two criteria, of suitableness of thought and 
 stimulation of feeling, seem to be regarded. 
 
 A Treasury of Prayers 
 A Morning Prayer 
 
 Dear God, I thank Thee for the light and the food and the 
 love and for all the other good things Thou hast given me. 
 Please help me to be a good, kind child to-day and bless 
 and (naming those he loves.) Amen. 
 
 A Morning Prayer 
 
 "God, guide and guard us all to-day, 
 In times of work and thought and play. 
 Help us to live in ways to prove 
 That we are grateful for Your love. Amen.'" 
 
 — John Martin. 
 
 A Morning Prayer 
 
 "Father, we thank Thee for the "Help us to do the things we 
 
 night, should, 
 
 And for the pleasant morning To be to others kind and good; 
 
 light ; In all we do in work or play, 
 
 For rest and food and loving care, To grow more loving every day." 
 And all that makes the day so fair. 
 
 A Morning Prayer 
 
 "Father, dear, I fain would thank "All that I today am doing 
 
 Thee Help me, Lord, to do for Thee; 
 
 For my long refreshing sleep May I kind and helpful be, 
 
 And the watch that Thou didst Only good in others see, 
 
 keep. Try to serve Thee faithfully. 
 
 While I slumbered soft and deep. Amen." 
 
 O'er Thy child so lovingly. 
 
 I84I 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 A Morning Pbayee 
 
 "Dear God, Good Morning. I am "Today I'll have some things to 
 glad do. 
 
 To see another happy day. Oh, may I do my very best. 
 
 I know that nothing hard or sad Help me to think of others, too. 
 Will come to take my joy away. When I would rather play or 
 I know that You are here with rest. 
 
 me Oh, God, please let me have some 
 
 The same as You were near all fun; 
 
 night; Please love me when I work or 
 
 And You will help me, God, to see play. 
 
 What I should do, and what is So when night comes, and day is 
 right. done, 
 
 I'll know I've had a fine, good 
 day. Amen." 
 
 — John Martin. 
 
 A Morning Prayer 
 
 "For this new morning with its light, 
 For rest and shelter of the night, 
 For health and food, for love and friends, 
 For everything thy goodness sends 
 We thank thee, heavenly Father. 
 
 "Father, we look to thee, and pray 
 That thou wilt guide us through this day. 
 From all wrong-doing keep us free; 
 May we thy loving children be." 
 
 A Grace at Table 
 
 "Lord Jesus, be our Holy Guest, 
 Our morning Joy, our evening Rest; 
 And with our daily bread impart 
 Thy love and peace to every heart." 
 
 A Grace at Table 
 
 'We thank Thee for this bread and meat 
 And all the good things which we eat ; 
 Lord, may we strong and happy be, 
 And always good and true like Thee." 
 
 — James Maxon Yard. 
 
 An Evening Prayer 
 
 "Now I lay me down to sleep : "And dear Father, while I share 
 
 Heavenly Father, wilt Thou keep In Thy tender love and care, 
 Me and those I love all night? Help me every day to be 
 
 For with Thee 'tis always light. An obedient child to Thee. 
 
 Amen." 
 
 — Henrietta R. Eliot. 
 
 [8S] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 An Evening Prayer 
 "In my work and in my play 
 Thou hast kept me through the day. 
 While I close my eyes in sleep, 
 Tender watch above me keep. 
 Loving Jesus, meek and mild, 
 Let me be thine own dear child. Amen.'' 
 
 An Evening Prayer 
 "Father, bless Thy little child tonight; 
 Wake me with the morning light 
 May I pure and holy be. 
 Daily growing more like Thee. Amen." 
 
 Example 
 
 "The best way for a child to learn to fear God," said the 
 good and gentle Pestalozzi, "is to see and know a real 
 Christian." 
 
 As we have already seen, the prominent factor in the child's 
 early religious training is a personal one. No other reli- 
 gious impressions can compare with, those which arise from 
 constant intercourse with friends whom the child can trust 
 and reverence and love. Mrs. Birney says: "The mother's 
 face and voice are the first conscious objects as the infant 
 soul unfolds, and she soon comes to stand in the very place 
 of God to her child. All the religion of which the child is 
 capable during this by no means brief stage of its develop- 
 ment consists of those sentiments — gratitude, trust, de- 
 pendence, love, etc., now felt only for her — ^which are later 
 directed toward God. The less these are now cultivated 
 toward the mother, who is now their only fitting, if not their 
 only possible object, the more feebly they will later be felt 
 toward God. This, too, adds greatly to the sacredness and 
 the responsibilities of motherhood." 
 
 Walter Savage Landor's line is still true : "Children are what 
 their mothers are." Whether the mother is habitually under 
 the influence of calm and tranquil emotions, or her temper is 
 fluctuating or violent, or her movements are habitually ener- 
 getic or soft and caressing, or she be regular or irregular in 
 
 [86] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 her ministrations to the infant in her arms, all these charac- 
 teristics and habits are registered in the primeval language of 
 touch upon the nervous system of the child. 
 
 All the good habits that we have been talking about come 
 chiefly through the imitation of example, and a bad child who 
 has always had good examples is pretty nearly inconceivable. 
 Lyman Abbott tells of a young girl who once came to him, 
 as her pastor, seeking admission to the church. He asked her 
 the common question: "Do you wish to be like Christ?" 
 She answered with simple sincerity: "I don't know; but I 
 wish to be like mother." There was no further question 
 about her admission. 
 
 Another great help in the training of character is that all 
 examples put before the children shall be, as far as possible, 
 only good examples of life and conduct. It is better for this 
 reason that even stories of naughty children shall be kept 
 from young children. 
 
 Play 
 
 If the religion of the little child consists largely of the train- 
 ing of his instincts toward good habits, then the greatest of 
 the childish instincts, play, must have a central place in the 
 child's religious development. "Example," Arthur Holmes tells 
 us, "appeals to the imitative instinct; environment stimulates 
 and suppresses a host of instincts, and play creates the boy's 
 own world and fits him to it." "What a child is in play he 
 is in the holy of holies of his being!" Play is free self-ex- 
 pression. It is complete self-relaxation. It is the chief 
 means of early development. A child in play pursues an 
 ideal, and we who are older seldom pursue our ideals with 
 vigor, except in the spirit of play. Play, therefore, is a re- 
 ligious instrument of the highest value. 
 
 Childish play is generally of two kinds — imitative and con- 
 structive. Through imitative play the child follows the ex- 
 amples set before him and dwells in a mimic world of his 
 
 [87] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 own. Through constructive play he learns to understand 
 this world and to master it. Froebel said that because man 
 is divine he must also be creative, and the chief purpose of 
 the kindergarten is to draw out a child's creative powers. 
 Interest and effort, attention and perseverance in difficulties 
 all begin to appear in creative play and with the happiest 
 effect upon character. "If children are to understand God 
 as Creator," says Mrs. Mumford, "it must be through their 
 own occupations in Nature, through the planting of seeds, 
 the tending of animals, through their own experiences, their 
 own personal activity. Ruth and Mary, about five years old, 
 shared between them a flower-bed, and in this bed they, like 
 the other children in the school, had sown a few peas and 
 beans. Every day they would grub up the earth with their 
 little hands, to see why the seeds did not come up, much as 
 Budge and Toddy, having buried the dead bird, dug up the 
 earth to find out when the bird went to heaven. In the other 
 children's beds, little green seedlings were beginning to peep 
 above the ground, and these two inquisitive little ones looked 
 sadly at them, and then at their own bed, where nothing 
 was yet showing. It was explained to them that if they 
 wanted their own seeds to grow, they must be patient and 
 leave them alone for awhile. So every day they visited their 
 garden, and, with great self-control, refrained from touching 
 the soil — and at last, one morning, they were found kneeling 
 by the bed, in a perfect transport of wonder and delight, at 
 the green blades which are just peeping up above the 
 ground. 
 
 "They had seen plants growing often enough, but they had 
 not paid any attention, because they themselves had not 
 taken any part in sowing and caring for the seedlings. But 
 now, for the first time, they were consciously face to face 
 with this wonder of Nature ; yesterday there was nothing to 
 be seen, today little green leaves were peeping through the 
 
 [88] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 soil! 'Was it you, children?' the teacher asked, 'who made 
 them grow?' 'No,' said Mary; 'God did it.' And then the 
 teachp.r told them how God made the sun shine, so as to 
 warm the earth; then sent the dew and rain to soften the 
 ground, and so helped the seeds to grow. Little Ruth and 
 Mary were keenly interested; and later in the day, when the 
 children were matting, out of the fullness of her heart, Ruth 
 asked if she could give hers to God!'' 
 
 Often duty may be largely done by the child in the spirit 
 of imaginative play. "Make this hard piece of work," says 
 Arthur Holmes, "part of some game. Putting away play- 
 blocks can be made the part of some game. Song and music 
 can accompany a very arduous piece of work. When nat- 
 ural incentives fail, artificial ones can be found. Again, 
 instincts can be matched against instincts. Aversion can be 
 met with desire. In this game of matching, always the high- 
 est and not the lowest instincts should be appealed to first. 
 Rewards should come before punishments. Deprivations 
 should precede infliction of pain. Only as a last resort and 
 in peculiar cases, like open physical rebellion or cruel in- 
 fliction of pain, should a trainer of normal children be com- 
 pelled to step down to the physical plane of matching his 
 brute powers against those of his pupils. For, remember 
 once more, that the purpose is to make men and women, 
 not merely to get things done." 
 
 "It is well," says Mrs. Fisher, "to make a plain statement 
 to the child of five — that he is requested to wipe the silver- 
 ware because it will be of service to his mother (if he is 
 lucky enough to have a mother who ever does so obviously 
 necessary and useful a thing as to wash the dishes herself), 
 but it is not necessary to insist that this conception of service 
 shall uncompromisingly occupy his mind during the whole 
 process. It does no harm if, after this statement, it is sug- 
 gested that the knives and forks and spoons are shipwrecked 
 
 [89] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 people in dire need of rescue, and that it would be fun to 
 snatch them from their watery predicament and restore them 
 safely to their expectant families in the silver drawer. By 
 so doing we are not really confusing the issue or 'fooling* the 
 child into a" good action, if clear thinking on the part of 
 adults accompany this process. We are but suiting the bur- 
 den to the childish shoulders, but inducing the child to take 
 a single step, which is all that any of us can take at one time, 
 in the path leading to the service of others." 
 
 Stories 
 The story is par excellence the language of childhood. 
 Stories are pictures of life. With children they are the most 
 characteristic form of expression and are the most success- 
 ful and expressive means of conveying to them our ideas. 
 They are the most concrete method of teaching and the most 
 interesting. By means of stories the story teller appeals not 
 only to the intellect, but to the feelings, and adds the value 
 of his own personality. They are a source of joy both now 
 and through life. A source of joy is a source of strength. 
 Children, as we have seen, like to create; and whether it be 
 with sand, wood or words, the underlying processes are the 
 same. For a child to retell a story means that he enters 
 into the spirit of it; that he sees clearly the mental picture; 
 that he feels its underlying life. The story is of social value. 
 It interprets life to the child; and as it arouses his sympa- 
 thies, it enables him to live more broadly. As a disciplinary 
 agency it is unexcelled. It is far better than scolding; it is 
 often clearer than a command, and it has the g^eat advantage 
 of drawing the child in bonds of affection to his elder. Still 
 further is the added charm of the personal element in story 
 telling. When you make a story your own and tell it, the 
 listener gets the story plus your appreciation of it. In other 
 words, he gets you. The story has moral value. Truth in 
 
 [90] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 epigram is dead; in the story it lives because the story shows 
 how it has been Hved by actual men and women. The con- 
 fidence which the story suggests gives vital power to the 
 child. Through story telling the child may be taught the 
 difference between right and wrong and his mind may be 
 stocked with beautiful mental images. By sympathy with 
 the story the child unconsciously takes sides with the truth. 
 Since the child cannot admire qualities except in persons, he 
 cannot adore God or love virtue until he hears them or sees 
 them in actual instances. The qualities of human character 
 illustrated by stories win the child's admiration and alle- 
 giance. Dr. Partridge goes so far as to say: "The story 
 holds a central place in the teaching of religion. More than 
 anything else, it can give breadth of experience, the imagin- 
 ative grasp of the unseen world and the moods which are the 
 bias of religion in the child." 
 
 Many a moral victory is won or lost before the actual strug- 
 gle in the objective world is begun. The battle is decided 
 in the preliminary skirmish of contending mental images. If 
 the child is stocked up with virtuous and inspiring mental 
 images through stories, his imagination is already captured 
 by goodness. If it is a fact, as psychologists tell us, that the 
 mind works through the grooves of ideas furnished, and that, 
 while the will has certain freedom in choosing a lot of new 
 grooves and in leaving out of the mind a lot of old things, 
 it chiefly moves along the rails of the ideas which have been 
 laid down, then the parent who furnishes the child a treasury 
 of good stories is building the roadway along which the will, 
 as it develops, may most easily run. If the child exercises 
 his instincts through play he exercises his memory and 
 imagination largely through stories. 
 
 It is not necessary to tag a moral to a tale in order to 
 make it morally effective. If the mother can in her story 
 relate a similar moral situation to that which she is trying to 
 
 [91] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 remedy, the child will catch the point. One mother of our 
 acquaintance used to make a point on Sunday to tell, under 
 the name of another child character, of dispositions and inci- 
 dents which she had noticed in her own children's lives during 
 the week. She did this so skilfully that they would, in sur- 
 prise, tell her that they had been in the same case. There was 
 no difficulty as to the application. It is possible to carry 
 along from time to time incidents concerning an imaginary 
 "Grumpy," or "Lazy Lawrence," or "Mary Quite Contrary," 
 and promise to call some child by such a title of reproach if he 
 deserves it, or, still better, to tell of the exploits of a hero 
 and encourage the child to incarnate him. The imagina- 
 tiveness of children, particularly from four onward, is so 
 strong that such an identification easily becomes one of the 
 strongest moral incentives. 
 
 The Little Child and the BiblS 
 The reason why the Bible is the child's first and best story- 
 book is because the early Israelites were the child-nation — 
 a nation with its face toward God. If it be true that the little 
 child does not have an innate God-consciousness, it is never- 
 theless a fact that, as Mrs. Louise Seymour Houghton tells 
 us: "There is in all the world nothing so reasonable to the 
 unsophisticated human mind as God. The little child, 'made 
 of dust and the Father's breath,' has a bias toward the 
 faculty of God-consciousness. The Old Testament is the best 
 of all religious story-books for the little child, because it is 
 the one book in the world in which it is assumed that man is 
 in a divine order. The relations with God, as we find them in 
 the Old Testament, are the relations of a child-people with 
 their heavenly Father." 
 
 Even the order of the books of the Bible seems appro- 
 priate to the stages of the child's development. It begins 
 with stories of the creation — a wonder-tale that appeals 
 
 [92] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 strongly to the mind of the child who is beginning to ask 
 "Why?" and "How?" Next comes a period of pastoral life, 
 affecting the child's out-of-doors interests; then the heroic 
 stage, telling of the God of battles, the stern and just Law- 
 giver and Inflictor of punishments like the parent — a narra- 
 tive full of wonderful tales, of which the child never tires. 
 Later comes the story of Jesus, with its spirit of love and 
 self-sacrifice, especially appealing to adolescents, but con- 
 taining in its child episodes much that touches the afifections 
 and sympathies of the little child. 
 
 The parent, of course tells Bible stories by a wise selec- 
 tion. The story of the creation, in the second chapter of 
 Genesis, with its picturesque details and human interest, is 
 far more effective than that in the first chapter or that in the 
 book of Job. There are, for instance, in the Old Testament 
 narratives which wind like a river under terrible crags, 
 through malarial reaches and into untraversable bogs. The 
 mother will forsake these for the sunHt streams and the 
 musical waterfalls. The exact narrative of the Scripture 
 must, of course, be freely handled. Some even accommodate 
 the Bible to modern thought by up-to-date slang. This is 
 scarcely necessary, but is perhaps a fault in the right direction. 
 It would certainly not do violence to the spirit of the Scrip- 
 tures if the mother should tell a Bible story about kittens 
 instead of sheep, if the child were familiar with kittens and 
 did not know anything about sheep. We always have the 
 privilege of expanding where the original is terse, or em- 
 phasizing what the original takes for granted and of using 
 the imagination, especially in response to the little child's 
 questions. 
 
 As to the method of Bible stories, perhaps the best single 
 word to speak is that one should tell such stories as folk lore. 
 Such they really were, and as such they should be given to 
 the child. Let the mother, in telling Old Testament stories, 
 
 [93] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 imagine herself an aged Hebrew nurse, handing down the 
 traditions of her race to a circle of eager-eyed children. Let 
 her tell such stories as if she were sitting in a window over- 
 looking the events that were at that very moment taking 
 place, of which the children could not possibly have any 
 knowledge except what she makes clear to them. 
 
 As to the purpose of Bible story-telling to a child, Mrs. 
 Houghton gives us a wise word when she says that it is "in 
 order to give a religious meaning to all the experiences of 
 his early life." Beginning at about three, the story is to be 
 told in its simplest possible outline and as much as may be 
 in the Bible words. At about five an elementary unfolding 
 of its spiritual meaning may come in answer to the child's 
 questions. In the story of Cain and Abel, for instance, it is 
 possible to give the narrative a religious meaning which shall 
 touch the experiences of the child in two ways: by showing 
 the interest which God has in the spirit of love in the gifts 
 of his children, and by reminding the little one of the joy 
 which comes from taming the young lion of hatred before 
 it grows big and strong, and of the sorrow and pain which 
 follows if this lion grows strong and cruel. 
 
 Church-going and Sunday School 
 It would seem to be a wise practice for children to begin 
 the habit of church-going at about the time when they begin 
 to go to public school. Even before this age most children 
 are eager to attend. It seems better to keep church-going 
 as a special privilege and reward for good behavior until the 
 age of reasonably steady habits. In many churches the rigor 
 of the long service is mitigated by a special nursery for little 
 children, conducted during a part or the whole of the service. 
 There is no doubt an impressiveness even in a beautiful 
 service which the child does not understand that becomes a 
 wholesome and precious influence through life. There are 
 
 [94] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 some children who are so nervous that early church-going 
 does not seem advisable. Church should never seem to a 
 child like imprisonment. The habit should certainly begin 
 as a privilege and delight and then should become a duty, 
 but not an unpleasant one. 
 
 From the very early days the child should be taught to 
 love the church, as his larger household. A Httle girl of 
 three and a half was taken one day by her father into the 
 church in which she had been baptized. Pointing to the 
 font, he said, "Do you know what happened to you there?" 
 
 For a moment the child looked perplexed, and nestling up 
 to her father said, "You tell me, daddy." 
 
 "No," he repUed, "I want you to tell me." 
 
 There was another moment's hesitation and then she 
 looked up to him, and very solemnly said, "I was heavened 
 there!" 
 
 Would that the church might mean this to every little 
 child. 
 
 In many homes the custom has grown of regarding Sun- 
 day school as a substitute for the church service. The 
 expectation may be that this will gradually lead later to the 
 habit of church attendance. It turns out, however, that it is 
 often a distinct obstacle to such a habit ; and nothing could 
 be more sad to those who desire that the church should 
 have a large place in the future than to see a throng of 
 children going home from Sunday school while a smaller 
 throng of adults is going to church. Some very recent 
 studies of children's intellectual capacity lead us to suppose 
 that there is a very distinct break at about the beginning of 
 the fifth year. This seems to be a period of distinct awaken- 
 ing, both of mind and will. It is a new phase of the curiosity 
 period, and is a season when many children begin to become 
 rebellious. Whether this somewhat sudden development is 
 due to the stimulus of going to school and coming into con- 
 
 [95] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 tact with other children is not yet settled. Many of our 
 religious leaders, however, feel that this is a strong indication 
 that the beginning of the fifth year, rather than before, is 
 the earliest time that a child may wisely attend Sunday school. 
 Before that year he is incapable of class instruction, and the 
 habit of inattention, formed then, is a barrier to religious 
 education later. Just as public schools, even the kinder- 
 garten, prefer not to take children until they are five, so, 
 perhaps, the Sunday school will some day follow their ex- 
 ample. Before that time the child needs individual instruc- 
 tion and should receive his religious training from his 
 mother. 
 
 [96] 
 
CHAPTER VIII 
 FACTS FOR ENCOURAGEMENT 
 
 The Child Is on Our Side 
 
 One fact of infinite encouragement, so soon as the days 
 of infancy are over, is that we really have the child on our 
 side. 
 
 The moral law is resident within him — it is not an impor- 
 tation. If we be wise and careful, he may come to recognize, 
 whether as the unfoldment of his conscience or not, the 
 propriety of our correction. Mrs. Mills gives us this: 
 
 "I was out," she said, "and when I came home. Doctor," 
 her husband, "said to me, 'Robert has been naughty. I have 
 put him to bed. You must not sympathize with him.' Then 
 he told me the story. Robert cried out when he saw me, 
 T don't see why I have to be put to bed; I only blew some 
 soap bubbles through a pipe, and Ben and Sam, they just 
 poured out water by the pailful!' 'But, Robbie,' I said, 'you 
 told a lie!' He stopped crying and looked at me with wide- 
 open eyes. 'Did I? Did I tell a lie? Oh, well, it's all right 
 then; I'll stay here all day.' So he settled himself down, 
 entirely willing to take his punishment." 
 
 Mrs. Hewitt has another, like unto it : 
 
 "My son" said a mother sadly, "it grieves me beyond 
 anything to put you to bed this hot summer afternoon, but 
 you know you have gone away a second time without letting 
 me know and have caused me a great deal of anxiety." 
 
 The boy's eyes opened wide. "Why, you do have to!" he 
 exclaimed. "You promised, and if you didn't do it, it would 
 be telling a story just as much as if you promised nie some- 
 thing good and didn't give it to me." 
 
 [97] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 From this the child advances to the situation of not merely 
 accepting, but of being ready to assist in his own correction. 
 Says Sully: "The most curious instance of this moral rigor 
 towards self which I have met with is the following. A girl 
 of nine had been naughty, and was very sorry for her mis- 
 behaviour. Shortly after she came to her lesson limping, 
 and remarked that she felt very uncomfortable. Being asked 
 by her governess what was the matter with her, she said: 'It 
 was very naughty of me to disobey you, so I put my right 
 shoe on to my left foot and rny left shoe on to my right 
 foot.' 
 
 "The facts here briefly illustrated seem to me to show 
 that there is in the child from the first a rudiment of true 
 law-abidingness. And this is a force of the greatest conse- 
 quence to the disciplinarian. It is something which takes 
 side in the child's breast with the reasonable governor and 
 the laws which he or she administers. It secures ready com- 
 pliance with a large part of the discipline enforced. When 
 the impulse urging towards license has been too strong, and 
 disobedience ensues, this same instinct comes to the aid of 
 order and good conduct by inflicting pains which are the 
 beginning of what we call remorse." 
 
 Self-control 
 After conscience comes self-control. It is the conviction 
 of many experienced parents that children can be deliberately 
 trained to control their desires at a very early period. Even 
 infancy is not too early to begin this which is the most 
 important and permanent of all kinds of education. The 
 roots of will development are in obedience. There is an 
 obedience which is conformity and there is an obedience 
 which is self-control. The former is entirely forced; the latter 
 is voluntary. Sometimes the former is necessary, but the 
 latter is the more desirable. Even when we give commands 
 
 [98] 
 
FACTS FOR ENCOURAGEMENT 
 
 to a young child we do not always have to use force to get 
 them obeyed. The child soon learns to inhibit, to stop him- 
 self. At first he does this reluctantly and only when we are 
 present. By and by he does so more easily and even when 
 we are absent. When a child is able to restrain his own acts 
 he is beginning to show will power, and the more regularly 
 he does so the more adept he becomes in self-mastery. A 
 writer in the Foundation Library illustrates the process by 
 the story of two small boys who saw some flowers in a yard. 
 One ran in and stole some, and the other refrained. The 
 one who yielded thought how easily he could get them, and 
 while he remembered how wrong he had been told such con- 
 duct was, he also recalled that no special harm had come to 
 him before, and his imagination of what he might do with 
 them seized him and he rushed off with them. The other 
 boy saw the same flowers ; he too thought how easily he could 
 get them; but when he thought of the wrong he would do 
 there came into his mind the many stories his parents had 
 told him about the meanness and shame and ruin of thievery, 
 and he also thought how bravely he had resisted once before 
 and how glad he was, and so he went straight away and 
 thought no more about them. You see, his parents had filled 
 his mind and heart with a stock of good ideas that would 
 come up in time to help his will. 
 
 "The one boy and his parents had taken advantage of the 
 laws of mental life and had built up in him strong and help- 
 ful groups of ideas that would help his will to do right. The 
 other boy had by his habits of acting and thinking built up 
 groups of ideas and so associated them that they hindered 
 his will when he tried to do right, and helped even to weaken 
 the effort of the will itself." Since all ideas that enter into 
 the mind tend to go at once into action, to express them- 
 selves, the more right ideas, habits of right action and right 
 desires we can establish the more we strengthen the will to 
 
 [991 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 select from among all possible ideas those which represent 
 the will to righteousness. 
 
 Dickinson wisely says: 
 
 "Control must come from within. Force, suppression and 
 chastisement have in themselves little controlling and no 
 reformative effect, but we know that if we furnish a legiti- 
 mate way for the boy to use his activities, if we change the 
 boy's activities, the habits will in time change; the bad habits 
 will waste and die from disuse, and the good habits will take 
 their place. So it is that every criminal, every so-called bad 
 boy, must reform himself; that is the only way that any one 
 can be reformed." 
 
 And what he says of the bad child is equally true of the 
 good child and the undeveloped child. If we can so wisely 
 govern our children that they shall recognize the propriety 
 of our endeavors and learn to believe that we are usually 
 just, always kind and often right, they will then have the 
 courage to try to control themselves. And when they have 
 done that, the problem of external government begins to 
 fade away. 
 
 For, eventually, as Mrs. Macy, the teacher of Helen Keller, 
 says: "There is no education except self education, no gov- 
 ernment but self government." 
 
 Like the growing of all other beautiful things, it is a proc- 
 ess. The good cheer, the reasonableness, the patience of 
 the parent slowly and certainly build up the moral fiber of 
 childhood. The child's standards of right and wrong are not 
 formed in a day, but yesterday and today and tomorrow 
 and every day, out of the examples, experiences and com- 
 panionships of daily living. 
 
 [lOO] 
 
SUMMARY 
 
 SUMMARY 
 
 The Purpose of Government. — To protect our little children until 
 they are old enough to live a life of positive goodness. 
 
 How Children Regard Law. — It is perfectly normal for them to 
 come into innocent collision with law, particularly toward precautions 
 which they do not comprehend. They are naturally selfish and have 
 limited conscience. Eagerly they seek their own pleasure, they feel 
 no self-condemnation, they regard opposition as hostility, and they do 
 not care what people think of them. They obey because they must. 
 Yet they like regularity. After being forced to obey, they like to force 
 their juniors to obey. 
 
 How Children Break the Law. — Chiefly by general disorder, nega- 
 tive offenses and misdirected energy. 
 
 How Children Regard Punishment. — They feel frightened, un- 
 happy and estranged. They differ, according to their temperament, in 
 their reaction to authority, but most normal children are glad that their 
 parents are strong enough to make them mind. 
 
 The Parent as Educator. — Must understand child nature. 
 
 The Right to ask Obedience. — In order to do this the parent must 
 be healthy-minded, have a sense of humor, self-control and fairness. 
 
 The Right to Disobey. — A child who uses sense will frequently come 
 into circumstances when it is right for him to disobey. We should 
 take the trouble to find out the circumstances. 
 
 A Discussion of Fairness. — In order to be fair we must recognize 
 the strength of the child's desires, and especially his reluctance to be in- 
 terrupted. 
 
 The Grace to Overlook. — ^We need to gain perspective and the sense 
 of proportion. 
 
 The Need of Firmness. — Firmness is not unkind. It always wins in 
 the end. It must be invariable in keeping its promises. We have no 
 right to punish in anger, but we must feel a "moral warmth" against the 
 offence though not toward the offender. This firmness must start at 
 the very beginning of the child's life. 
 
 Can a "Good Fellow" be Firm? — The strong parent can be a play- 
 fellow and at the same time a leader. Father and mother must be in 
 absolute unity in home discipline. 
 
 Government by Suggestion. — Quiet, positive parental advice is usu- 
 ally efficacious. 
 
 Government by Words. — Be sure the child hears and understands 
 each command. Commands or advice should be given calmly, im- 
 pressively, decisively and cheerfully. 
 
 Government through Choice. — There is a difference between ask- 
 ing a favor and giving a command. Utilizing the choice of a child 
 develops his will-power. 
 
 Government by Punishment. — Punishment is not a "'right" but a 
 
 [lOl] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 duty. Its purpose is to correct a harm. It should he in harmony with 
 child nature, appeal to the higher motives, develop virtue and be just 
 
 "Natural" Punishment. — "Natural" punishment educates the expe- 
 rience. It is just and certain and does not seem unfair to the child. 
 Its chief use is to convince him of the wisdom and authority of his 
 parents. Its limitations are that it is not always real punishment and 
 that it is not always safe to use it 
 
 Punishment by Deprivation. — It is the most easily understood of 
 the "natural" punishments. It is effective in disobedience. 
 
 Corporal Punishment.— It requires the most impartial justice and 
 perfect self-control; it is usually dangerous; it is the last resort; it 
 is not always regarded by children as unjust or unreasonable. It should 
 be administered only with calmness. It has certain positive advantages. 
 All corrections should be prompt. Bedtime is good for cheerful coun- 
 sel, but it is not the best time for punishment 
 
 Government by Reward. — It is dangerous stimulation. Praise must 
 not be extravagant. Physical rewards for virtue tend to substitute 
 wrong inducement 
 
 Government by Emulation. — Also perilous. It tends to create envy 
 and hatred. 
 
 Government by Activity. — The best of all. It is the easiest and 
 most productive form of government 
 
 Sex Discipline. — ^We are to answer the child's questions simply and 
 frankly and tell the facts without self-consciousness. Training in self- 
 control now means the strongest safeguard to purity later. 
 
 Religious Nurture. — We encourage religious habits through prayer ; 
 we stimulate religious feeling by stories ; we exercise the instinct of the 
 social nature through play. All this is in the direction of self-develop- 
 ment The child must develop himself before he can serve others, 
 but since the little egoist has sympathy and affection as well as ^oism, 
 he possesses the potentiality of generosity. Already he begins to 
 show certain beautiful uncovenanted graces which prophesy that he 
 is to become a good friend and neighbor. He is now chiefly in the 
 process of becoming conscious of spiritual things. His business is 
 to grow a conscience. All these processes are gradual. 
 
 References 
 Books upon the Philosophy of Child Management 
 Moral Education, 332 pp., by Edward Howard Griggs, published by 
 B. W. Huebsch. N. Y. 
 A most thoughtful book upon the whole subject of moral training, 
 with special chapters upon the principles of government in the home, 
 the nature, function and administration of corrective discipline, per- 
 sonal influence and example. 
 
 Studies of Childhood 527 pp., by James Sully, published by D. Ap- 
 pleton & Co., N. Y. 
 There is a most useful chapter entitled "Under Law," in which the 
 
 [102] 
 
SUMMARY 
 
 author discusses the attitude of the child toward law and the conse- 
 quent position to be taken by the wise lawgiver. 
 
 Gentle Measures in the Management and Training of the Young, 
 298 pp., by Jacob Abbott, published by Harper & Brothers, New 
 York. 
 This fine old book has been a wise guide to parental training for 
 nearly half a century. It was epoch-making when it appeared, and its 
 chief thesis and its common sense are both still valid. 
 Home, School and Vacation, 220 pp., by Annie Winsor Allen, pub- 
 lished by Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 A well-arranged sketch of the development to be expected and 
 worked for with a normal child, with one chapter on Discipline that 
 deserves to be written in letters of gold. 
 
 The Normal Child and Primary Education, 343 pp., by Arnold L. 
 and Beatrice Chandler Gesell, published by Ginn & Co., Boston. 
 In addition to a most valuable and animated discussion of childhood, 
 there is a short but useful chapter upon discipline. 
 Children's Rights, 235 pp., by Kate Douglas Wiggin, published by 
 Houghton MifHin Co., Boston. 
 The first chapter deals with the subject of the book. The seventh 
 chapter, by Nora A. Smith, the sister of Mrs. Wiggin, is a valuable 
 one upon child government. 
 
 The Care and Training of Children, 233 pp., by Le Grand Kerr, 
 M. D., published by Funk & Wagnalls Co., New York. 
 This is not only a good guide to the physical care of the child, but 
 there are two excellent chapters, one upon government and the other 
 upon punishment. 
 
 On the Ethical Training of Children, 76 pp., (a section of a book 
 entitled "Nursery and Sickroom"), by Isabel Margesson, published 
 by E. P. Dutton & Co., New York. 
 Based upon sound child study, the book is most practical in its sug- 
 gestions as to the place of punishment in the young child's life. 
 
 Books Containing Real Instances 
 Bringing Up the Bov, 227 pp., by Kate Upson Clark, published by 
 Thomas Y. Crowell & Co., New York. 
 A book long established in popular favor, characterized by its good 
 sense. 
 
 Making the Best of Our Children, First Series, 254 pp., by Mary 
 Wood-Allen, published by A. C. McClurg Co., Chicago. 
 The strong point about Mrs. Wood-Allen's book is that it deals 
 entirely with concrete instances. In the early portion of this volume 
 several examples of practical difficulties with young children are cited 
 and two parallel anecdotes are given, one showing the wrong and the 
 other the right way of dealing with the case. 
 
 The Mother-Artist, 148 pp., by Jane Dearborn Mills, published by 
 Palmer Co., Boston. 
 Contains more sentiment than information, but has two good chap- 
 ters upon home training. 
 
 [103] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 Misunderstood Children, i68 pp., by Elizabeth Harrison, published by 
 the Central Publishing Co., Chicago. 
 
 The sub-title of this book is "Sketches Taken from Life." There are 
 seventeen such sketches, humorous and pathetic, all from the lives 
 of young children, pointedly suggesting the right way to deal with dif- 
 ficult cases by means of thoughtful observation of child nature. 
 Beckonincs from Little Hands, i66 pp., by Patterson DuBois, pub- 
 lished by Dodd, Meade & Co., New York. 
 
 Eight studies in child life. The book is sentimental throughout, but 
 it is, on the whole, sensible and it contains one famous chapter entitled 
 "The Fire-Builders." 
 
 Books upon Details of Child Training 
 
 As the Twig Is Bent, 164 pp., by Susan Chenery, published by Hough- 
 ton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 A very helpful little book, in story form, telling how a mother 
 trained her young children, one a daughter of five and the other a son 
 of four. There is a chapter upon "The Child's Thought of Death" and 
 another on "The Child's Religion." 
 The Training of the Child, 93 pp., by G. Spiller, published by T. C. 
 
 & E. C. Jack, London. 
 Extraordinarily sensible treatment of the home training of children. 
 The author discusses especially the place of habit, the necessity of 
 obedience and the part of commendation. 
 Your Child, Today and Tomorrow, 234 pp., by Sidonie Matzner 
 
 Gruenberg, published by the J. B. Lippincott Co., Philadelphia. 
 Mrs. Gruenberg takes up the homely problems of parents, but from 
 the standpoint of one who has read the best recent literature as well 
 as having been a practising mother. Yet there is no scholasticism about 
 her very practical manual. 
 A Manual or Play, by William Byron Forbush, published by the 
 
 American Institute of Child Life, Philadelphia. 
 The first handbook that has been written for the home on the value 
 and methods of free play, as distinct frorn games. The home play- 
 room, the backyard, nursery play, constructive play and dramatic play 
 are some of the topics discussed. 
 How to Tell Stories to Children, by Sara Cone Bryant, published by 
 
 Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 This volume, which deals with the art, purpose and method of story- 
 telling, is the best book of the kind published. It is full of very inter- 
 esting and valuable suggestions. 
 A Montessori Mother, 246 pp., by Dorothy Canfield Fisher, published 
 
 by Henry Holt & Co., New York. 
 The most helpful for the average mother of all the_ books on the 
 Montessori system. Mrs, Fisher shows how it is possible to use the 
 Montessori devices in the nursery. 
 The Home-Made Kindergarten, 117 pp., by Nora Archibald Smith, 
 
 published by Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 
 [104] 
 
SUMMARY 
 
 Miss Smith shows how it is possible for the mother who does not 
 have access to a kindergarten to give her child the benefit of the best 
 the kindergarten has to ofler. 
 
 Books Upon Sex Instruction and Discipline 
 For Parents 
 
 The Sexual Life of the Child, 339 pp., by Albert Moll, M. D., pub- 
 lished by Macmillan Co., New York. 
 This contains about all that is known and much more than parents 
 need to know about the subject. Because of its thoroughness and com- 
 pleteness, it offers a compendium upon every anxiety, including per- 
 sonal problems and care. There is a short chapter at the close upon 
 sexual education. 
 
 The Biology of Sex, 105 pp., by T. W. Galloway, published by D. C. 
 Heath, Boston. 
 An extremely sensible book, both of facts and of material for sex 
 education. It is especially prepared for teachers and for parents. 
 The Social Emergency, 224 pp., edited by William T. Foster, pub- 
 lished by Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 A group of eleven papers prepared by earnest students of this sub- 
 ject in the far Northwest. It covers every phase of sex education, and 
 does so simply, sanely and satisfactorily. As a text-book for those 
 who are studying how to make sex education practicable, this is un- 
 surpassed. 
 
 Sex Education, 150 pp., by Ira S. Wile, M. D., published by Duflfield & 
 Co., New York. 
 On the whole the best handbook for parents. It suggests the proper 
 instruction for each of the three periods of boyhood, which the author 
 calls the age of mythology, the age of chivalry and the age of civic 
 awakening. There is a useful appendix containing terminology and a 
 carefully chosen bibliography. 
 
 To Use with Boys up to Eight 
 
 The Spark of Life, 62 pp. by Margaret W. Morley, published by 
 
 Fleming H. Revell Co., New York. 
 How Shall I Tell My Child? 62 pp., by Rose Woodallen Chapman, 
 
 published by Fleming H. Revell Co., New York. 
 For Children Six to Ten,- and For Boys Ten to Thirteen, 4 pp. each, 
 
 published by the Spokane Society of Social and Moral Hygiene, 
 
 Spokane, Wash. 
 
 Books Upon Religious Nurture 
 
 The Training of Children in Religion, 229 pp., by George Hodges, 
 published by D. Appleton & Co., New York. 
 This book is full of the reverent spirit of religion and of a sym- 
 pathetic knowledge of childhood. It contains a little study of child 
 nature, some suggestions upon the theological training of children, a 
 
 [105] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 treasury of prayers, suggestions for reading to children out of the 
 Bible, and a discussion of what is meant by "a good child." 
 The Dawn of Character, 225 pp., by Edith E. Read Mumford, pub- 
 lished by Longmans, Green & Co., London, England. 
 Mrs. Mumford makes a careful study of the mind of the young 
 child, and has a particularly valuable chapter upon "The Dawn of 
 Religion." 
 
 Introduction to Child Study, 348 pp., by W. B. Drummond, pub- 
 lished by Longmans, Green & Co., London, England. 
 Our best simple text-book on child study. There is a chapter on 
 "Some Moral Characteristics," and one chapter on "Religion and the 
 Child," in which he outlines carefully the early religious conceptions 
 commonly cherished by young children. 
 
 The Child and His Religion, 124 pp., by George E. Dawson, published 
 by the University of Chicago Press, Chicago. 
 Four unrelated chapters, one upon "The Natural Religion of the 
 Child," which goes even more thoroughly than does Drummond into 
 early religious ideas. The chapter upon "Children's Interest in the 
 Bible" is the most thorough study of the subject which we possess 
 and emphasizes the fact that the predominating interest of young chil- 
 dren is in the Old Testament. 
 
 Telling Bible Stories, 204 pp., by Louise Seymour Houghton, pub- 
 lished by Charles Scribner's Sons, New York. 
 A most careful and helpful description of methods of telling Old 
 Testament stories to children, illustrated by many paraphrases, and 
 suggesting the best attitude toward some of the diflScult Biblical 
 problems. 
 
 The Origin and Nature of Children's Faith in God : An article by 
 
 George A. Coe in the American Journal of Theology for April, 
 
 1914. 
 
 A brilliant article, arguing that the child responds more distinctly 
 
 and broadly both to the God-idea and to the problems of duty than 
 
 the genetic psychologists have asserted. 
 
 The Training of Children From the Cradle to School, 91 pp., by 
 Mrs. H. C. Cradock, published by George Bell & Son, London. 
 An elementary book upon the home training of children. Three chap- 
 ters upon moral and religious training discuss the relation of example, 
 habit and religious ceremonials to the religious development of the 
 child. 
 
 [106] 
 
BOOK II 
 THE HOME TRAINING OF SCHOOL BOYS 
 
CHAPTER IX 
 
 THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 "The essential of government," says John W. Dinsmore, 
 
 "is a good governor." The attitude of the parent is the chief 
 
 factor in child-government. The first element in the parental 
 
 attitude should be fairness, honesty. 
 
 Honesty 
 
 Something was said of this in the early part of Book I, 
 but we need all the more to be reminded, at the very begin- 
 ning of this discussion, of the necessity of honesty, not only 
 because our children between six and twelve are very unlikely 
 to tell us that they have discovered that we are not perfect, 
 but because they are often pathetically unresentful. They 
 do cry out at abuse and injustice, but until they are a dozen 
 years of age they forgive us so readily that we do not realize 
 the scars which our unfair or thoughtless behavior may be 
 leaving. 
 
 We are not predominantly unfair. It is only when we start 
 suddenly that we usually are blind to justice. If, when about 
 to quell a household riot or to punish an egregious fault, 
 we would take time to say rapidly to ourselves the words 
 "What? Why? How?" until we were sure we could answer 
 each one of them, we should be more likely to act fairly and 
 efifectively. Ernest Hamlin Abbott brightly says: "On the 
 way from the living-room to the nursery, the hastening par- 
 ent can, for example, perform this rapid mental scale pas- 
 sage: To what purpose am I interfering? Is it to suppress 
 a noise? or to avert a danger? or to teach courtesy? or to 
 instruct in morals? or to do justice? or to estabhsh an 
 amicable basis? Later, and perhaps more deliberately, he 
 
 [109] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 will run over this scale of question: What means shall I 
 use? Shall it be force? or argument? or ridicule? or explana- 
 tion? or advice? or instruction? or command? or punishment? 
 It requires practice to pounce upon the note principally out 
 of tune in a wealth of discord, and then to choose the one 
 tool that will set it right; but then, there is no vocation 
 more exciting than parenthood." If at the time we are about 
 to act we find that we do not know what we ought to do, 
 we should usually accomplish little harm if for a while we did 
 nothing. Few childish transgressions demand the lightning 
 stroke of penalty. Delayed recompense is as impressive as it 
 is just. And if after engaging in a deed of discipline we would 
 always ask, "Would I consent to be treated as I have just 
 treated my child?" our next effort in this direction would be 
 more successful. 
 
 "Don't be jerky," says Dinsmore. While none of us can 
 keep continually the highest levels of honesty, we would be 
 prouder of ourselves if we were less spasmodic in our justice, 
 if we could be fair by habit rather than by special 
 appointment. 
 
 Whatever may be the success with a baby of a parent who 
 is wise rather than good we may be sure that in the case of 
 school children who are coming to years of moral sense 
 "mother's love" will not be sufficient unless it is found in the 
 heart of a woman who is fair and unselfish before she is a 
 mother. 
 
 Listening 
 
 The best recourse of a parent is to understand the attitude 
 of the child. It is when you cannot attain this that you do not 
 know what to do. And in such a situation what safety have 
 you to do anything? Anybody can thwart a child, anyone 
 can beat him, but nobody who misunderstands him can direct 
 him or really govern him. So the perpetual position of 
 parenthood must be that of listening. 
 
 [no] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 Mrs. Allen describes the difference between the adult out- 
 look and the child outlook when she says: "We see his acts 
 in their results. He sees them in their causes. His acts have 
 not the same meaning for him that they have for us. We 
 cannot impress upon ourselves too carefully that disobedience, 
 naughtiness, untruthfulness are simply our names for actions of 
 the child. They show how the acts strike us. They indicate 
 our desire and our outlook; that is, the objective aspect. If 
 the child were giving names, he would choose some word 
 that would indicate his desire and his outlook, the spring of 
 action in his own mind; that is, the subjective aspect, a very 
 different thing. We say, quite truly, that some act of his 
 was disobedient to us. He says that it was agreeable to him. 
 We say it was naughty; he says it was funny. We say it was 
 untruthful; he says it was necessary or perhaps mistaken. 
 Or his cause of difference may be even simpler. He may 
 have wholly misinterpreted a word that he used or we used." 
 
 Perhaps the greatest reason why we should respect our 
 children enough to endeavor to understand them is the fact 
 that often the characteristic in the child's nature that gives us 
 the most trouble is going to turn to be one of his most pre- 
 cious traits. If we do not know this, we may, through annoy- 
 ance, destroy what is invaluable. It is never safe to pull up 
 bulbs because they are ugly. 
 
 And our listening must be constant and continuous. Mrs. 
 Allen counsels that the child must always be "freshly noticed" 
 as if we did not know him before, and never "treated as if 
 he were in last month's state of mind." 
 
 These statements suggest the importance of always hear- 
 ing the children's side of every matter. Not only is there 
 danger that we shall not know all if we do not hear it, but 
 if we snub and discourage the child then he becomes dumb 
 before us and we lose forever our most direct means of 
 interpreting him. The early breaking of the habit of con- 
 
 [III] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 fiding in the parent leads to later tragedies and misunder- 
 standing. 
 
 Let us illustrate a few of these experiments in interpreting 
 children. Take the matter of crying. In a particular in- 
 stance, is the child crying for you or for himself? That is, 
 is he in real distress, or is he endeavoring, by crying, to have 
 his own way? If he is in distress, is he frightened or tired 
 or angry or in bodily discomfort? Does he need reassurance, 
 or rest, or distraction, or a cool bath? The mother soon 
 learns by the varying tones the meaning of infant cries. 
 Later, they need even more careful discrimination. 
 
 We need constantly to dissociate our annoyance or be- 
 wilderment from the child's viewpoint. The little boy who 
 seized and rumpled his father's silk hat turned out to be 
 "trying to look like papa." The youngster who overturned 
 the milk pitcher was trying to help mother. The little boy 
 who, after having been nourished by a good breakfast, was 
 punished for being active and noisy was really penalized 
 because he was healthy and happy. 
 
 So it is with the children as they grow older. A school- 
 master was told by a neighbor in indignation that his son 
 had been fighting with the neighbor's boy and had broken 
 his arm, and he insisted upon the father's giving his son 
 "a good Christian licking." Though tempted sorely to 
 accommodate and thus soothe his neighbor, the father wisely 
 pursued his usual habit, and investigated. He discovered 
 that the neighbor's boy, who was older, had been continually 
 tormenting his own child and inciting him to combat, but 
 that he had refrained until this occasion, when the neighbor's 
 boy had called his father a vile name. Then he fought him, 
 and as an incident of the struggle the soft bone of the arm 
 was broken. "Could I ever have forgiven myself," said the 
 father, "if I had whipped my son because he stood up for my 
 honor?" 
 
 [112] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 Foresight 
 All parents cannot be prophets, but all can learn to foresee 
 the usual or common emergencies, and prepare for them. 
 Why should a mother punish a child for breaking things 
 which she herself left^ about where they could be broken? 
 Why do parents never think to carry a basket of playthings 
 with the children on a long railroad journey? Recognizing 
 that idleness is always mischief, why does not the mother 
 forecast the return from school or the rainy Saturday by the 
 five minutes of vigorous planning which would save her 
 hours of inconvenience? One mother who found that her 
 little boy was getting into the habit of waking early and 
 crying for entertainment placed a surprise on the chair by 
 his cot every night for him to discover and play with quietly 
 as soon as he awoke. Edward Everett Hale's reminiscence of 
 the clever way his mother planned in advance that the after- 
 school should be spent profitably at home is famihar: "I 
 have stated already the absolute rule that we must report 
 at home before we went anywhere to play after school. I 
 think this rule ailected our lives a great deal more than my 
 mother meant it should in laying it down. She simply 
 wanted to know at certain stages of the day where her chiU 
 dren were. But practically the rule worked thus: We 
 rushed home from school, very likely with a plan on foot 
 for the common, or for some combined movement for the 
 other boys. We went into the house to report. There was 
 invariably- ginger bread ready for us, which was made in 
 immense quantities for the purpose. This luncheon was 
 ready not only for us, but for any boys we might bring with 
 us. When once we arrived at home the home attractions 
 asserted themselves. There was some chemical experiment 
 to be continued, or there was some locomotive to be dis- 
 played to another boy, or there had come in a new 
 number of the Juvenile Miscellany. In a word, we were se- 
 
 [113] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 duced up into the attic, and up in the attic we were apt 
 to stay." 
 
 The parent must have been denied a prescience which he 
 commonly exerts in other realms if he cannot, by ingeniously 
 planned activities, "head off" the major part of the injuri- 
 ous mischief before it gets under way. 
 
 Particularly is it true in every parent's observation that 
 there are certain days of which he must beware. As the 
 heroine puts it in those charmingly invented "Letters of a 
 Child to Her Husband," "I get so tired trying to be good 
 all day every day, that some mornings, not often you know, 
 but just once in a while when I wake up in the morning, 
 I say to God, whatever happens today, God, please don't 
 count it, and then somehow I can't tell you how, but some- 
 how I know he doesn't. And all that day I don't have to 
 think about what I do, whether it is good or bad, and whether 
 God puts it down in his book or not, because I know he 
 doesn't. It is just a different day." 
 
 Mothers may differ as to the actual liberty of responsibility 
 which may legitimately be felt upon such days. There is 
 probably no difference of opinion as to the desirability of a 
 certain amount of dodging then on the part of the mother 
 as well as of the child. While the child is avoiding his con- 
 science, the mother may well keep clear of occasions of 
 offence. "Some husbands," says E. P. St. John, "plan to 
 avoid certain topics on days when their wives are especially 
 nervous. Why should not both use equal tact in dealing 
 with a child? Care as to the temperature of the bath, the 
 avoidance of haste in combing the hair, discouragement of 
 association with certain children — these and many other 
 similar steps which will occur to the thoughtful parent will 
 help to smooth the path of domestic discipline, and at the 
 same time aid the child to free himself from the slavery of 
 passion. Careful consideration of the child's condition of 
 
 ["4] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 health will point to times when especial care should be used." 
 The weather, especially in our country of changeable 
 weather, has an unrecognized importance in child conduct. 
 Dr. Groszmann remarks: "An overheated or overcrowded 
 room, lack of oxygen and of exercise, fatigue, nervous ten- 
 sion due to unhygienic conditions of work and program, of 
 seats and desks, and lights and air, etc., etc. ; the effect of 
 the weather upon pupils and teachers, and many other things 
 may be responsible for many disagreeable happenings in the 
 schoolroom. It has been statistically proven that more 
 crimes and suicides have been committed, and more school 
 punishments recorded, on cloudy days, and when the air 
 was oppressive, the weather threatening, and the electric 
 tension excessive, than on bright and pleasant days." 
 
 A great many unpleasant incidents might be avoided in 
 the house if mothers were more quick to recognize the early 
 signs of fatigue. Sensible was the parent who decided that 
 she would always be very patient with her children after four 
 o'clock in the afternoon, because she knew they were getting 
 tired. 
 
 This foresight of ours should be exerted not only as to the 
 impending events of the day, but also in reference to the 
 entire career of the child. It can appear in our very attitude 
 toward him. Ennis Richmond has a charming phrase about 
 "appealing to the advance natures" of the young. The full 
 quotation is as follows: "There are certain people who 'get 
 on' with children in a way quite their own; in our usual 
 thoughtless way we say: 'So-and-so understands children 
 thoroughly.' He does not; he understands what the chil- 
 dren may become, and respects that possibility. If we listen 
 to this kind of man when he is with children, we shall find that 
 what charms children in him, as different from other people, 
 is that he does not treat them as his inferiors in any way, and 
 that what he says to them, where it is different to what the 
 
 ["5] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 ordinary person would say to them, has a quality which is 
 quite as charming to ourselves as to the children. It is the 
 appeal to their advance natures that delights them, a glimpse 
 into the wider world of which they are to take possession 
 bye-and-bye. It is not what he says, that may be the purest 
 childish nonsense, but the light in which he puts it, the way 
 in which he invites the child to regard it; this is what charms 
 the child, because it is the touch on the advance chord, whose 
 vibrations give a mystic joy which the child itself cannot 
 nor wishes to analyze. And the child who gets a joy in 
 this way is the child for whom most may be hoped in the 
 future." 
 
 Foresight thus easily runs into trust, and the time comes 
 when the mother should be able to say to her child, when 
 she knows he clearly sees his duty, "It is unnecessary for 
 me to tell you what to do; you know what is right, and of 
 course you will do that." This trust and expectancy throw 
 the whole responsibility where it belongs, and at the same 
 time appeal to the child's better nature, and so a double 
 purpose is served. It is an appeal that will seldom be 
 disregarded. 
 
 Insight 
 
 Closely akin to foresight is insight. Insight is the ability 
 to get the inner meaning of every situation, as foresight is 
 the ability to provide for every situation. 
 
 If we could occasionally get off and take a bird's-eye view 
 of our young people — see them as strangers see them, for 
 example — we should take up our work once more with new 
 composure. What have we here in the nursery? To the 
 mother's tired eyes it seems a scene of confusion, filled with 
 noisy and warring children, but to the larger insight it is the 
 home of princes, of whom we have the privilege of being 
 guardians. Each of these kings-to-be is already manifest in 
 possibilities. Richard, who has been so exasperating, is ever 
 
 [116] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 quick in affectionateness and in gusty repentances. Albert's 
 smouldering temper is matched by his unwearying persist- 
 ency. David, who never finishes anything, nevertheless sur- 
 prised you last summer by carrying out his hundred-mile 
 hike. Martha is a slattern in dress but a wonder in school, 
 and she has recently shown evidences of a growing personal 
 pride. That fault in Emily, which you tried in vain last year 
 to cure, seems to have cured itself. 
 
 And so it goes. Shifting traits, advancing wisdom and 
 self-control, savage strength that promises a great endow- 
 ment of will-power, a winsomeness that captures love, in- 
 stincts coming in turn to their fruition — these are some of 
 the prophetic changes that are continually showing in the 
 home where there are children. There are alarming traits 
 a-plenty, old racial and new personal inheritances and imi- 
 tative follies, but who can deny also that, as in Stevenson's 
 Lantern Bearers, the lighted lamp is still carried under the 
 rough jacket. Because the instincts do unfold in order, be- 
 cause the trying traits do not all appear at once, we get a 
 little grace of leisure between, which means time to study and 
 plan for the next uprising when it comes. 
 
 The thought that we are engaged in training kings was 
 advisedly worded. Those who dwell in kings' houses treat 
 them with respect. One of the customary marks of respect 
 is courtesy. Courtesy is something more. Griggs has 
 said beautifully: "The behavior of love is courtesy." He 
 continues : 
 
 "It is possible to teach the virtue of love by wearing 
 habitually its garment, courtesy, and so to lead children from 
 an imitation of the behavior of love to an imitation into its 
 spirit. We sometimes feel that children are too small to 
 deserve the little courtesies of life: quite apart from the 
 fact that courtesy should come from within and not be dictated 
 by the condition of the recipient, we cannot be too scrupu- 
 
 [117] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 lously courteous to children, since this is the most effective 
 means of inculcating the highest virtue of character. 
 
 "It is most important that this garment of courtesy should 
 be worn habitually in the life of the home. Nothing is more 
 paradoxical than that perversity of human nature which leads 
 us to be scrupulously courteous to the stranger within our 
 gates, while we feel that we are excusable for expressing 
 all our meanness and irritation to those we know and love 
 best. It is true we ought to be able to _ rest in those who 
 love us, and not need to keep up a manner foreign to our 
 spirits; but we should see to it that the manner natural to 
 our spirits is the unvarying courtesy that clothes a loving 
 heart. We should be able to wear our every-day clothes at 
 home, but they should be just as appropriate and beautiful 
 ill their way as any other garments. We ought never to 
 appear in moral undress before those we love. In fact, the 
 need is to make of courtesy, not a garment we remove and 
 put on for different occasions, but rather a living and har- 
 monious body to clothe inseparably the loving spirit within. 
 Yet if we cannot be courteous all the time, would it not be 
 better to spend our weariness and irritation on the stranger 
 within our gates, who comes and goes and cares very little, 
 and save every element of exquisite courtesy for those 
 whose lives are lifted or broken by our slight words and 
 deeds?" 
 
 A special grace of courtesy is not only that we should not 
 speak to our young discourteously but that we should not 
 speak of them in the presence of others in such a way as to 
 cause them embarrassment. 
 
 A further expression of courtesy is the avoidance of 
 sarcasm. Sarcasm is a tempting devil, and its mischief is 
 that it always implies a superiority on the part of the user 
 with a corresponding weakness of the victim. Its use 
 generally exasperates the child, who seldom gives us the 
 
 [ii8] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 satisfaction of even appreciating the wit we have wasted on 
 him. 
 
 Companionship 
 
 We can have neither insight nor understanding without 
 giving companionship in exchange. "Do you know your 
 child's dreams?" asks a good teacher. Some parents do not 
 even know that their child has dreams. 
 
 In these days of the expansion of motherhood (out of the 
 home) and the shrinkage of fatherhood (in the home) it 
 seems necessary to urge upon the male parents a practising 
 rather than a consulting relationship to their children. 
 
 Many fathers are artful dodgers. "When it comes to 
 family discipline," as a neighbor recently confessed to me, 
 "I either skid or skiddoo." Father makes it his conscien- 
 tious business to give his family everything that they need — 
 except himself. "I never had a father," said one friend to 
 another. "Did he die when you were very young?" asked 
 the other sympathetically. "Oh, my father isn't dead, he's 
 a Shriner." 
 
 I know our excuse: "We haven't got time." Industry 
 most invades American homes, not by child labor, but by 
 steahng the fathers. Even philanthropy takes us away from 
 home, and thus we have the spectacle of reputable men 
 earnestly fulfilling every social obligation — except their 
 principal one. Even "religious duties" have been known to 
 cause a man to leave his children practically half-orphans. 
 
 Our children do rather get us at a disadvantage. A 
 healthy boy returned from school is just ready for excite- 
 ment at that end of the day when father has had all the ex- 
 citement he wants. When father wants to be coddled son 
 wants to be amused. It is natural for father to encourage 
 son to take this amusement in the most comfortable way, 
 outside the house if possible. It is natural to feel that his 
 own ease and the child's morals require absent treatment. 
 
 [119] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 American fathers often feel an envy for the English gentry 
 who, by sending their lads away from home at about ten, 
 raise a race of fatherless sons. But then no American wants 
 his sons to be like Englishmen, and there is no use for a 
 nation that lives for its women to ape one that lives for its 
 men. 
 
 It takes two parents to bring up a child. Shy though 
 he may be to confess it, a father is really an admirable 
 person to be a parent. He has the freshness of approach 
 of one who is not around all the time and he is supposed 
 to have that larger outlook which is so essential to the lives 
 of oncoming children. It is not only right for a father to 
 have a son, but his son has a right to have him. 
 
 There are a few things he can do better than a mother. 
 
 He can play better with a growing boy. For a short time 
 it may be possible for a father to live on a pedestal, from 
 which he descends, like Jehovah in the Old Testament, with a 
 dictum or a discipline. But a perch is at least uncomfortable, 
 and you cannot bring up a child entirely by what you tell 
 him about how good you were when you were a boy. An 
 old Irishman, chief of poHce in Philadelphia, left a widower 
 with a large family, once told a company of fathers that he 
 had never known a child to go wrong in a home where the 
 father played with his children for an hour after supper, and 
 added, with justifiable satisfaction: "And I've tried it mysilf." 
 
 He can teach him to work. How can a mother teach a 
 sizable boy to work? He doesn't love sewing or dish- 
 washing and she doesn't know the difference between a 
 spokeshaver and a safety razor. "Wait till father comes 
 home and we'll fix it for you," said a boy of only six to his 
 mother, in a home where father had discovered that his son 
 had other uses for his hands than to keep them clean. 
 
 A father ought to teach his boy how to spend money. 
 It is a difficult art, as he himself knows. There is an in- 
 
 [120] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 creasing number of men in this country who are working 
 themselves to death in order to give their sons a license to 
 become spendthrifts. The son is literally from birth his 
 father's junior partner, and the father has a unique oppor- 
 tunity to make the financial side of this relationship business- 
 like from the beginning. 
 
 The father is the one who ought to give his son his edu- 
 cation about sex matters. The Institute of which I am 
 president received one thousand letters last year from 
 mothers — mothers, mind you — asking how they should teach 
 the facts and laws of sex to their children, chiefly to their 
 sons. This struck me as a commentary on the pusillanimity 
 of American fatherhood. In those years especially when a 
 lad hears his mother's advice and follows his father's exam- 
 ple a father can hardly afford to sidestep this important 
 duty. 
 
 The extent of ignorance concerning the usual facts of 
 child life by fathers that has been revealed to me in corre- 
 spondence during the past years is such that I would say 
 that if those men were as limited in what they call their 
 business as they are here, they could not hold a position as 
 errand boys. Now for years books on child-raising have 
 been just as plentiful, just as explicit and just as cheap as 
 those on stock-raising or on scientific management. Why 
 don't fathers get intelligent on this great human problem? 
 
 It is too bad to put it upon her, but really a wife has to 
 train her husband to be a father. Motherhood is an in- 
 stinct, but a man has not much more instinct to be a father 
 than he has to be an uncle. Mother has to break him va 
 early. She has to explain why the baby is beautiful. S':e 
 must break it to him easily that he is God to his firstborn 
 She must get the children to help father get loose — from his 
 sedentary sins, his tired solemnities, his awful omniscience. 
 She must demand his best. 
 
 [121] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 Some parents who find it well-nigh impossible to join 
 very much with their children in play in the winter time antic- 
 ipate the summer vacation as at least one chance to show 
 their humanity to their children. But the mother who has 
 retained her childhood and the father who can see some fun 
 in sleeping occasionally in a tent in the yard with his son or 
 in a social game after dinner by the fireside has taken the 
 longest step toward confidence and companionship in the 
 deeper things and experiences. During these years at least 
 it is as important each day that the parent should take time 
 to be happy as to "take time to be holy." 
 
 Our children should have much of the companionship of 
 the wise. The old adage, "Children should be seen and not 
 heard," ought really to be reserved. Children should be both 
 seen and heard. Unless they are seen by and see wise 
 people, how can they become wise, and unless they can be 
 heard how can they have their fallacies exposed? Socrates 
 cleared up the minds of young people by asking them appar- 
 ently simple but ingenious questions, and, it has been 
 suggested, got his reward by clearing up his own mind by 
 listening to their answers. We should follow Edward Everett 
 Hale's advice, and arrange that our children shall talk every 
 day with someone wiser than themselves. 
 
 The value of good table talk in both the education and 
 management of children is too little recognized. People 
 who would scorn to appear in a negligee toilet at table will 
 utter conversation that is slipshod, vulgarly gossipy, emptily 
 personal or tiresomely complaining. Says Dr. Colin A. 
 Scott: "Children who have grown up in homes in which the 
 talk ran on large lines and touched on all great interests of 
 life will agree that nothing gave them greater pleasure or 
 more genuine education. There are homes in which the 
 very atmosphere makes for wide knowledge of life, for 
 generous aims, for citizenship in the world, as well as in the 
 
 [T22] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 locality in which the home stands. Teachers in schools and 
 colleges find the widest differences in range of information 
 and quality of intelligence in the boys and girls who come to 
 them. Some children bring a store of knowledge and sound 
 tastes with them; others seem to have had no cultivation of 
 any sort, are ignorant of everything save the few subjects 
 which they have been compelled to study, and have no per- 
 sonal acquaintance with books or art or nature or the large 
 affairs of the world. They have absorbed nothing, for there 
 has been nothing to absorb; all that they know has been 
 poured into them. The fortunate children have grown up in 
 association with men and women of general intelligence, 
 have heard them talk and lived among their books. 
 
 "There is no educational opportunity in the homes more 
 important than the talk at the table. But this educational 
 influence must issue from the spirit and interests of the 
 parents; it must never wear a pedagogic air and impose a 
 schoolroom order on a life which ought to be free, spon- 
 taneous and joyful. The home in which the talk is pre- 
 arranged to instruct the children would be, not a garden 
 where birds and dogs and children play together, but an 
 institution in which the inmates live by rule and not instinct. 
 
 "It is not the child of six who sits at the table and listens; 
 it is a human spirit, eager, curious, wondering, surrounded 
 by mysteries, silently taking in what it does not understand 
 today, but which will take possession of it next year and be- 
 come a torch to light it on its way. It is through association 
 with older people that these fructifying ideas come to the 
 child; it is through such talk that he finds the world he is to 
 possess. 
 
 "The talk of the family ought not, therefore, to be directed 
 at him or shaped for him; but it ought to make a place for 
 him. If the Balkan situation comes up, let the boy get out 
 the atlas and find Bosnia and Bulgaria ; it is quite hkely that 
 
 [123] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 his elders may have forgotten the exact location of these 
 countries; it is even possible that thejr may never have 
 known. . . . 
 
 "Talks on books, plays, pictures, music, may have the same 
 quality of a common interest for those who listen as well as 
 for those who talk. There are homes in which the informal 
 discussion of these matters is a liberal education; and long 
 years after, children, who were not taken account of at the 
 time, remember phrases and sentences that have been key- 
 words in their vocabulary of life." 
 
 The advantages of table talk in child management are 
 especially obvious. Ideals or codes of conduct may there be 
 discussed so naturally that no child shall feel that he is being 
 lectured, while the statement of the family consensus of 
 opinion upon such topics has a profound influence upon the 
 opinion and action of each individual. The younger child 
 follows the lead of those older. The older is warned not to 
 offend the moral sense of those younger. 
 
 Companionship in school tasks is a little more difficult 
 than it used to be, now that methods of teaching have 
 changed, but many parents still manage it; and since schools 
 fail in teaching to study more than anything else, the parent 
 who can do this not only keeps alongside of the child, but 
 performs a very great educational service. 
 
 Companionship in work is essential. True, chores are 
 not so numerous in a city house, but if the child is from an 
 early period accepted as a junior partner, he may be 
 habituated to take some small and regular share in the 
 household tasks. Even boys can help in the kitchen, the 
 tasks which they perform there being made acceptable to 
 themselves and their criticizing playmates as preparatory to 
 the cooking and housekeeping of the summer camp. The 
 weekly allowance may be regarded as salary for such tasks, 
 though acts of special helpfulness should be paid with thanks 
 
 [124] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 and not with money and rewarded by unexpected rather than 
 bargained blessings. 
 
 These are the companionships that lead to comradeship of 
 ideals. The parent who never plays or works with his child 
 is unlikely ever to get very close to the child's real confidence, 
 while it is during the play or work that father or mother finds 
 the closest intimacies most natural. A very wise head of 
 an orphanage used to maintain a photographic dark room, 
 simply because the good fellowship of the mutual puttering 
 he did there with his boys led to confidential discussion. So 
 the joyous companionships of the home lead to the heights 
 where the children dream and wish to tell their dreams to 
 sympathetic ears. 
 
 An illustration at this point is so much better than a homily 
 that it seems worth while to give space to two pictures taken 
 from American Motherhood to show the contrast of homes 
 where confidence is prohibited and sought, with implied 
 results. 
 
 "Where's James?" Mr. Thome's voice was curt and short. 
 
 "Oh, don't ask me," replied Mrs. Thorne querulously, 
 setting the supper things hastily on the table, her face hot 
 and scowling with irritation. "I've called and called. Really, 
 Henry, you'll have to take that boy in hand. He's on the 
 street from morning till bedtime." 
 
 "Doesn't he know it's supper time?" 
 
 "He ought to. I've told him a hundred times if I have 
 once that he's to come in at five o'clock." 
 
 "It seems to me — " Mr. Thome's tone grew in irritation 
 as he sat down to the table — "that if I'd told a boy twelve 
 years' old a hundred times to come in at five o'clock, he'd 
 come." 
 
 "What would you have me do?" demanded Mrs. Thorne 
 sharply, as she poured the tea. "Should I go out and hunt 
 him up? I've called until I'm hoarse." 
 
 I 125] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 "The trouble is — " Mr. Thorne served his wife to hot rolls 
 and creamed potatoes, and cast glances of expectant inquiry 
 out of the window — "that a boy in the city hasn't anything 
 to do to keep him out of mischief. When I was a boy I had 
 chores to do that kept me busy." 
 
 "There are a few things around a place like this," replied 
 Mrs. Thorne ironically, "that a boy as big as James might 
 do." 
 
 "Why don't you make him do them then?" asked her 
 husband sharply. 
 
 "Why don't you?" retorted Mrs. Thorne angrily, pushing 
 back her chair, her face flushing still more deeply. 
 
 "I'm too busy earning money to keep him in shoes and 
 trousers to see to his bringing up. It seems to me — " 
 
 A slamming of the outer door interrupted him, and a 
 boy of twelve, untidy and unwashed, burst into the room. 
 
 "Gee, I'm hungry — " he began, but the stern voice of his 
 father interrupted him. 
 
 "Go and wash yourself, young man, before you show your- 
 self in here," he commanded. 
 
 The boy slammed out of the room and returned in less 
 than five minutes, a visible water mark about his chin and 
 with hands still grimy and hair unbrushed. 
 
 "Now see here, my boy — " his father dealt out loud-voiced 
 admonition as he served the boy's meal — "you let this be 
 the last time you come in to supper after I do. I want you 
 to get into this house before dark and see if you can't find 
 a few chores to do. Do you hear?" 
 
 The boy nodded sullenly and bolted his food in angry 
 silence. 
 
 "Why don't you try to be more like Tom Martin?" 
 fretted his mother. "He comes in and helps his mother and 
 even sets the table. He — " 
 
 "Tom Martin's mother plays games with him," interrupted 
 
 [126] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 James defensively, "and she reads out loud to him, and she 
 lets him have the fellers come in evenings, and makes base- 
 ball suits for him and — " 
 
 "She doesn't play games with him nor read to him every 
 night," replied Mrs. Thorne; "for she belongs to a reading 
 club and she goes to the theater sometimes — " 
 
 "She lets him have a good time when she does go out," inter- 
 rupted James bitterly; " 'cause I've been in there. She lets 
 him make candy in the kitchen with Molly, and his Aunt 
 Maggie comes in to play games with the boys when Tom's 
 mother's out. She ain't his truly aunt, but — " 
 
 "She's an old maid that Mrs. Martin gets to come in and 
 stay sometimes. But Tom's such a good boy that — " 
 
 "I'd be good, too, if—" 
 
 "Don't answer back, sir," commanded his father. "If 
 you're through your supper, go and get a book and don't 
 let me hear any more from you till bedtime." 
 
 The boy stalked sulkily from the room, harboring a sense 
 of injustice and anger in his heart. He went into the sitting- 
 room, took a book from a littered-up table, drew a chair up 
 beneath the high gas lights and began to read. 
 
 His father followed and took up the evening paper. Sev- 
 eral times the boy glanced up from his book toward the 
 silent figure, as if he longed for company, a desire for com- 
 panionship and confidence in his heart. Too well he knew, 
 however, that any attempt on his part would be met with 
 a gruff command to silence. 
 
 Mrs. Thorne appeared at the door. "Henry," she said 
 querulously, "have you forgotten we have an engagement 
 tonight at the Holmes's card party?" 
 
 Mr. Thorne retorted with a remark not complimentary to 
 card parties in general and the Holmes's card party in par- 
 ticular. James looked up at his mother, a hungry appeal in 
 his gray eyes. 
 
 [127] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 "You going out again tonight, mamma?" he asked, a 
 quivering wistfulness in his boyish voice. 
 
 "Yes," she said, the same irritable inflection in her voice; 
 "we've promised to go. I hope you're big enough, James, to 
 stay at home without your mother. Besides, Nora'll be 
 here." 
 
 "Nora!" Former acquaintance with Nora's companionship 
 spoke scornfully in James' voice. His face grew hard and he 
 took up his book. 
 
 "Come, Henry," called Mrs. Thorne, turning away, and 
 Mr. Thorne followed, muttering unpleasant comments upon 
 his wife's acceptance of invitations. 
 
 A half hour later they reappeared cloaked and hatted for 
 the card party, and Mrs. Thorne kissed her little boy good 
 night. 
 
 "Be a good boy," she said, "and go to bed when you've 
 finished your story." 
 
 "I wish you wouldn't go, mamma." James leaned his 
 twelve-year-old head against his mother's arm. 
 
 "Don't be silly, James. I've promised. You can go and 
 sit with Nora if you like." 
 
 "Come on, come on," urged Mr. Thorne impatiently from 
 the door. "If you're going anywhere, go along. I hate 
 dawdling." 
 
 Mrs. Thorne turned back at the door, her conscience 
 troubling her a little at sight of the lonely little figure beside 
 the door. 
 
 They had hardly turned a corner when James went to the 
 kitchen door where Nora was washing dishes. 
 
 "Going to have company, Nora?" he asked. 
 
 "Me cousin'll be droppin' in, mebbe," said Nora, flapping 
 the dishcloth. 
 
 "Well, you leave the side door unlocked. I'm going out 
 for awhile to play with the kids, and if you squeal on me, I'll 
 
 [128] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 squeal on you." And he went out into the street and the 
 night to seek for the companionship which was his natural 
 right. 
 
 It was near the supper hour in the house across the way. 
 Tom Martin came hastily in at the back door, slipped off his 
 heavy skating shoes and on the way to the closet where his 
 slippers were kept, encountered his mother. 
 
 "Oh, mother," he exclaimed, throwing his arms about her, 
 "I'm awfully sorry to be so late, but we got to skating 
 a race, Jim Thorne and I, and I forgot. But I remem- 
 bered pretty soon and I ran, mother, truly I did, all the 
 way." 
 
 "Good boy," said his mother, kissing his forehead and 
 hugging him to her. "Mother knows you'll never forget her 
 for long. Run and get washed now." 
 
 "I'll see to the furnace first, mother. And — want anything 
 at the store?" 
 
 "No, thank you, dear. I'd Hke a little help about the 
 table though, if you've time. Molly's making waffles for 
 supper and I'm helping." 
 
 "You bet!" responded Tom, boyishly inelegant, but with a 
 splendid look in his clear eyes that sent a thrill of rejoicing 
 to the mother's heart. 
 
 He came down presently, clean and brushed, a fresh blouse 
 and tie replacing the soiled ones. Then he went about set- 
 ting the table deftly and happily, chatting to his mother about 
 the skating, about his day at school, what this one had said 
 and another had done, until she knew her boy's mind and 
 heart as she had always done. 
 
 Presently Mr, Martin came in and greeted his son: 
 
 "Hello, boy," he said. 
 
 "Hello, man," retorted Tom, cheerfully and companion- 
 ably affectionate. 
 
 [129] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 "Had a good day?" asked the father as they drew about 
 the table. 
 
 "Bully," replied Tom. "Have you?" 
 
 "Are we going to read 'Boy Lincoln' tonight?" asked Tom 
 after a little, "or are we going to have a game of Flinch?" 
 
 "This is our night at the reading club. Tommy." Mrs. 
 Martin could never refrain from saying "Tommy" when she 
 felt especially tender. "Don't you remember?" 
 
 Tommy's face fell. 
 
 "I'd forgotten," he said ; "but I'll read or have Jim Thome 
 come over." 
 
 "I don't know what to think about Jim Thome," said 
 Mrs. Martin with a puzzled inflection in her voice. "I used 
 to think him a fine little fellow, but lately I've heard of sev- 
 eral things in which he has deceived his mother and he'f. 
 always on the streets." 
 
 "His home isn't jolly and bright and nice like ours," 
 said Tom. "His mother scolds and his father jaws and they 
 never play games with him or anything." 
 
 "Perhaps you'd better run over and ask him to come and 
 stay an hour," said Mrs. Martin. "Aunt Maggie will be 
 over, and you can make fudge if MoUy'll let you." 
 
 Tom ran blithely away across the street, and both father 
 and mother looked after him with happy and thankful 
 hearts. 
 
 "He's a good boy," said Mrs. Martin. 
 
 "He's got a good mother," replied her husband, smiling. 
 
 "He's like his father." And Mrs. Martin stretched a hand 
 across the table to be grasped lovingly by another bigger 
 and browner. 
 
 The story concludes with a description of Tom eagerly 
 helping his mother to make ready and bidding her an affec- 
 tionate good-by, conscious that his parents, even when absent 
 in body, were still close to him in spirit. That boy, we can 
 
 [130] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 see, would grow up in the finest sort of relation to both 
 his parents. The "gang" might claim him, the evil or 
 neglected chum might for a time lead him somewhat astray, 
 but he would ever keep his parents informed of his changing 
 ideals, he would never go away from them even in "the far 
 country," and in the end his permanent ideals would be sound 
 and strong. Home companionship would be his salvation. 
 
 "I know a mother," says Mrs. Birney, "who with the ad- 
 vent of the first baby entered heartily into the idea that she 
 had undertaken a long journey with the most mysteriously 
 fascinating and wonderful of companions, who each day 
 exacted rare tribute from her patience and self-denial, but 
 who in himself was such an ever-increasing source of delight, 
 through his afifection, growth and development, that she 
 prayed in her soul the journey might last through all eternity. 
 It must have been such a mother as this of whom a little 
 boy who was playing a 'wishing game' said, T wish my 
 mamma was my little twin brother, and next I wish we had 
 a mamma exactly as she is now.' " 
 
 One thing the child needs especially to learn through his 
 companionship with his parents, and that is that they are 
 engaging in the same moral experiences as is he. He is not 
 alone in having to obey; so must they. He is not alone in 
 having disappointments. He is not alone in finding it hard 
 to be good. He is not alone in doing and being wrong. 
 No child can excuse an excuse from his parents, but he will 
 always accept an apology. The- parent who is big enough 
 sometimes to say "we" instead of "you" when talking to his 
 child about his peculiarities or faults has well won his way 
 with him. And the student spirit in the parents even in the 
 realm of morals awakens the student spirit in the child. 
 
 Fitness 
 As guardians of future kings we ought to be men and 
 
 [131] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 women worthy of our great trust. We are engaged not 
 merely in a profession, but in a mission. The idea that in- 
 tellectual acuteness and a plenitude of devices will suffice to 
 enable us to train our children well is a false one. Children 
 may not have great reasoning powers, but they have the 
 instinct to recognize goodness. There is no way to repre- 
 sent goodness to a child but by being good ourselves. The 
 child may do as we say; he will certainly do as we do. We 
 again must cite Mrs. Allen's word, that "the chief part of a 
 child's moral training comes from seeing us try to be good." 
 Suggestion is the most potent form of education, and we can 
 suggest only by what we are. Of the family of Karl Witte 
 we read: "The whole family Hfe was regulated with a view 
 to suggesting to the child ideas which, taking root in the 
 subconscious region of his mind, would tend soon or late to 
 affect his moral outlook and exercise a lasting influence on 
 his conduct. Hasty words, disputes, discussion of unpleasant 
 subjects, all these thing were scrupulously avoided. In their 
 relations with one another, as with the little serving-maid 
 and all who visited the Witte home, the parents displayed 
 only those characteristics with which they wished to imbue 
 their son. They were unfailingly genial, courteous, consid- 
 erate and sympathetic. Over and above all this, they set him 
 a constant example of diligence, of that earnest activity which 
 is of itself a most forceful form of moral discipline." How 
 Japanese children grow to be courteous and docile after be- 
 ing, as we would say, "spoiled" by total absence of home 
 discipline seems incredible, until we are told that they never 
 see discourtesy or inconsiderateness at home. They absorb 
 by imitation what we think must be plastered on by means 
 of discipline. 
 
 And Dr. Griggs adds: "The child is helped not only by 
 what we do, but by what we try to do even when we fail. It 
 is possible, fortunately, to teach lessons above the level of 
 
 [132] 
 
THE PARENT'S ATTITUDE 
 
 what we are in conduct, though not higher than what we 
 want to be and strive to be. The ideal we are struggHng 
 toward teaches above our halting and imperfect action. Thus 
 children, tend to imitate not only our conduct but, deeper 
 than it, the spirit that inspires our conduct. That is why 
 pretense is so futile, and why every attempt to wear a gar- 
 ment of virtue merely for effect is apt to lead to an imitation, 
 not of the assumed virtue, but of the hypocrisy that inspired 
 its assumption, as, for instance, when our behavior is con- 
 ventionally proper but with no love behind. Children pierce 
 through what we do to what we mean to be and do; and the 
 influence of the ideal toward which we are struggling is in 
 the end more powerful than the changing accident of the 
 day's life. 
 
 "Thus the true teaching by example is through a kind of 
 contagion of the ideal that passes from soul to soul even 
 when the ideal is far beyond us. This has always been the 
 supreme force in education." 
 
 The task of raising future kings demands a large nature. 
 Because we deal with small people, we cannot afford to be 
 small ourselves. "The genuine disciplinarian," says Ennis 
 Richmond, "is one whom grown-up people would be inclined 
 to obey as well as children." All authorities seem to agree 
 that a parent can be angry, mistaken, even wrong sometimes, 
 but that he can seldom afford to be "grieved" or pettish or 
 evidently annoyed. And even when endurance ceases to 
 be a virtue and patience is almost gone, if the parent can, as 
 it were automatically, remember that every trying situation 
 has something funny about it (for he is funny himself when 
 the child is not), he will retain his sense of humor, which is 
 itself the finest kind of self-control. 
 
 "We," says Mrs. Allen, "are very like the children. We, 
 too, love our own way. We, too, are stiff-minded. We 
 have our own unseasonable moods and senseless tricks, and, 
 
 [133] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 moreover, on top of it all, an acquired sense of dignity which 
 acts as a bar between us and the children. If we deserve 
 their respect, they will give it. We need not concern our- 
 selves so much about their behavior toward us as about our 
 own toward them. We must treat them with courtesy. 
 They are our equals in everything but experience, and we 
 must regard ourselves as appointed to give them the results 
 of experience quickly, thoroughly and beneficially, often 
 rigorously, never roughly nor stupidly." 
 
 Many parents who try to grow morally do not think it 
 necessary to grow mentally after their children come. They 
 live, as Ellen Key says, "on the capital and interest of an 
 education, which perhaps once made them model children, 
 but has deprived them of the idea of educating themselves." 
 Yet there is no sadder pathos than that of outgrown parents. 
 Only by keeping oneself in constant process of growth, 
 under the constant influence of the best things in one's own 
 age, does one become a parent half-way good enough for 
 one's children. The mother who has "neglected ever3rthing 
 for the children" has often almost neglected her children. 
 
 We ought always to be good, but when we have to disci- 
 pline our children, then we ought to be at our best "Try 
 not to discipline your child," urges Mrs. Allen, "unless you 
 are satisfied with your mood. First summon your own best 
 state of mind, and then face the child. Your mood will be 
 your best ally." The hour when you feel most like giving 
 a whipping is the worst one in which to do it, and there is no 
 use trying to improve the disposition of a child while you 
 are spoiling your own. 
 
 ti34l 
 
CHAPTER X 
 THE CHILD'S ATTITUDE 
 
 Relation to Law 
 
 Turning now to the attitude of the children themselves, 
 we find that their responsiveness to government rests upon 
 two different bases during this period. Until they are about 
 ten years old the respect that they feel is to personal com- 
 mands; after that it is respect for law itself. Earl Barnes 
 found as the result of careful studies that children under ten 
 have very little appreciation of general laws or regula- 
 tions, or regard for them. They are most docile however 
 to the binding force of personal commands, even where 
 the special circumstance would seem to excuse them from 
 obedience. 
 
 This is because they have little moral equipment yet, little 
 capacity for sorrow and none for remorse. The fact that a 
 child seems to be sorry because we are grieved or because it 
 is toward night or because he feels homesick is not an excep- 
 tion. We mistake in insisting upon forcing children to ex- 
 press regret in begging pardon. An artificial emotion is 
 always worthless. This is an excellent training for hypocrisy. 
 The moral sense is still largely to be evoked. It is for us 
 to be reasonable, to be fair, until the child is old enough to 
 know reason and fairness in the only way he can come to 
 know it, from having seen it lived. 
 
 "This attitude," says Barnes, "begins to change by the time 
 the child is ten years old, and changes more rapidly at twelve 
 and thirteen. Ideas become clarified; the child not only feels, 
 but knows why he feels; he begins to recognize established 
 laws as abstract existences; the punishments he prescribes 
 
 [135] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 are less severe, and they take into account in some measure 
 the intentions of the culprit. These tendencies increase up to 
 sixteen years." 
 
 So until a child is ten years old he turns to us, not for legal 
 enactments, but for personal commands. After he is ten, we 
 can gradually give him a code. According to this he will 
 endeavor to live, and when, during adolescence when he 
 questions everything, he questions the articles of this code, 
 yet his habituation to it will continue as a safeguard and much 
 of it will bind him as a life habit. 
 
 It is a significant period at which the child arrives when 
 he begins to realize the majesty of right. Someone has said 
 that "the proper exercise of will might be defined by the word 
 'ought.' " And so even before the parent or teacher is fully 
 able to reason with a child, the child is satisfied if he is as- 
 sured that a certain course is right. 
 
 The conservatism of a child as to that which he has be- 
 come convinced is right is both extraordinary and reassuring. 
 It may be due partly to dullness, to the time it takes for him 
 to interpret or modify a command. It may be partly inertia 
 or mental laziness. It may be the fixed effect of ancestral 
 inheritance and a steady environment. But it seems to be 
 more — it seems to be the tendency of young children to di- 
 gest and make their own that which they have continuously 
 tasted. This conservative instinct is so enduring that often, 
 when a child has been steadily guided to follow out a course 
 of conduct to which he is disinclined, his inclination reverses 
 and he can hardly be persuaded later that he ever desired the 
 opposite. 
 
 These facts as to the child's attitude toward law suggest 
 the wisdom of Kirkpatrick's broad statement as to the chang- 
 ing factors of education during this period : "Play is the chief 
 factor in education during the early years; but gradually 
 more and more place is given to. Necessity, until she is the 
 
 [136] 
 
THE CHILD'S ATTITUDE 
 
 honored director of activity in manhood, or perchance both 
 give place to the twin sisters, Doing and Achievement, who 
 smile ahke on work that is as joyous as play and play that is 
 as valuable as work." 
 
 The Artful Dodger 
 
 No matter how genial the attitude of children is toward 
 law, their practice often lags far behind. There is a tendency 
 to "ease off," to delay, to fall behind the requirements. This 
 process offers a fine opportunity for the imaginative child. 
 Sully cites this : "A small boy on receiving from his nurse the 
 familiar order, 'Come here !' at once replied, T can't, nurse, 
 I's looking for a flea,' and pretended to be much engrossed 
 in the momentous business of hunting for this quarry in the 
 blanket of his cot. The little trickster is such a lover of fun 
 that he is pretty certain to betray his ruse in a case hke this, 
 and our small flea-catcher, we are told, laughed mischiev- 
 ously as he proffered his excuse. Such sly fabrications may 
 be just as naughty as the uninspired excuses of a stupidly 
 sulky child, but it is hard to be quite as much put out by 
 them." They soon cease to be amusing, however, and the 
 parent finds that he needs to be firm either in letting the 
 neglected task bring its own penalty of deprivation or in 
 holding the young shirker to strict account. 
 
 In mentioning the conservativeness of children which leads 
 them to tend to pursue a habit as if it were a tradition, equal 
 mention must be made of the changeableness that comes 
 especially with the years of rapid growth. "The child's 
 soul," says Dr. Paul Carus, "is a commonwealth of various 
 and frequently contradictory tendencies." The mirror-like 
 response of the child to impressions marks his susceptibility 
 to a variety of reflections and his almost tricky alterations of 
 moral sentiment are a valuable form of reflex action. "Wax 
 to receive, marble to retain" the child is thus at once capable 
 
 [137] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 of the whole range of moral susceptibility and dynamic to 
 make it an integral part of his own moral furnishing. 
 
 Though the child respects law, he does not love it. He 
 thinks' it a restraint devised for the restriction of children. 
 Sully continues: "So strong and deep-reaching is this 
 antagonism to law and its restraints apt to be that the child- 
 ish longing to be 'big' is, I believe, grounded on the expec- 
 tation of liberty. To be big seems to the child more than 
 anything else to be rid of all this imposition of commands, 
 to be able to do what one likes without interference from 
 others." 
 
 So it is not surprising that one of the commonest traits 
 with advancing years is 
 
 Obstinacy 
 
 It may take its rise in indolence or as the result of too 
 frequent or too severe exactions. It may be a kind of 
 strength. The child likes to overcome difficulties; we are a 
 difficulty which he tries to overcome. Yet, as Berle suggests, 
 when children are obstinate they are not necessarily, as peo- 
 ple assume, of strong will. They may have very weak wills. 
 Their obstinacy may arise from want of interest and ina- 
 bility to catch the threads of thought around which interest 
 is trained. In such cases an alluring exposition of a better 
 way will cause the supposed obstinacy to melt away. Some- 
 times real and permanent obstinacy is occasioned by sudden 
 or careless interruptions of childish play by adults. These 
 are usually unnecessary and harmful. They weaken both 
 will-power and perseverance. 
 
 No wonder that a child treated thus grows up not only 
 with no ability to persevere, but also stubborn against 
 thoughtless interference. 
 
 Obstinacy is sometimes only fear or incapacity. "The 
 child," says Ellen Key, "repeats a false answer, is threatened 
 
 [138] 
 
THE CHILD'S ATTITUDE 
 
 with blows, and again repeats it because he is afraid not to 
 say the right thing. He is struck and then answers rightly. 
 The paralysis due to fear was treated as an exhibition of a 
 refractory will." 
 
 When a child becomes excited either in resistance or in 
 fear, he often becomes for a while literally incapacitated 
 through mental blindness to accomplish the thing we de- 
 sire. Professor William James once gave some very sensi- 
 ble advice for such a case. "When a situation of the kind 
 is once fairly developed, and the child is all tense and excited 
 inwardly, nineteen times out of twenty it is best to apperceive 
 the case as one of neural pathology rather than as one of 
 moral culpability. So long as the inhibiting sense of im- 
 possibility remains in the child's mind, he will continue 
 unable to get beyond the obstacle. The aim of the teacher 
 should then be to make him simply forget. Drop the sub- 
 ject for the time, divert the mind to something else: then, 
 leading the pupil back by some circuitous line of associa- 
 tion, spring it on him again before he has time to recognize 
 it, and as likely as not he will go over it without any dif- 
 ficulty. It is in no other way that we overcome balkiness 
 in a horse: we divert his attention, do something to his nose 
 or ear, lead him around in a circle, and thus get him over a 
 place where flogging would only have made him more 
 invincible." 
 
 "But, after all," someone asks, "are there not instances 
 when the enlightened will of the adult must prevail and the 
 child, willingly or unwillingly, must yield?" There are vari- 
 ous ways of conquering his obstinacy. In general, it is better 
 to do it by a process than through a catastrophe. We may 
 or may not be able by terrorizing to secure a particular act 
 of submission, but we can hardly expect by such means to 
 force the formation of a volition. To accomplish the first 
 seems hardly worth the struggle, since it has to be done by 
 
 [139] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 fresh struggles on each new occasion, unless we have been 
 so tragically successful as to break the child's will. What 
 we are really after, or should be after, is to help, not 
 force, the forming of the child's volition. How shall we do 
 this? 
 
 As has been suggested, the work is a process. If a child 
 has always been treated calmly and reasonably, he is not so 
 likely to have insane outbursts. We must be careful not to 
 spring things on him. If it is necessary to interrupt him, 
 explain some pleasant alternative that is before him. Mrs. 
 Allen gives the following example of the way to do this : 
 
 "Jack, who is ready to go on a delightful walk, must be 
 kept at home because an unknown cousin has come to see 
 the family. 'Wait,' says mother, 'do you know who has 
 come? It is a very nice cousin that you have never seen. 
 He lives out where the cowboys are. So if you put oflF your 
 walk, you will hear all about it.' This, instead of the curt 
 information, 'You can't go out. A strange cousin has come. 
 Take off your things.' Some people object that this makes 
 obedience too easy and pleasant. A child, they think, should 
 obey cheerfully, without asking for reasons. But that is a 
 virtue which he will never need when he is grown. Grown 
 people are almost never called upon to change their course 
 suddenly without any understanding of the reasons. We 
 first understand and then act — much against our will and 
 desire, it may be, but always for comprehensible cause. 
 Children must give prompt obedience if necessary, but there 
 is no need of multiplying these uncomfortable occasions." 
 So in the matter of asking performance of a duty, there 
 is a conciliatory as well as an unconciliatory method. Instead 
 of saying, "You must fill the wood-box before you can go 
 out," it is quite as easy to say, "Won't you please get me a 
 whole boxful of wood before you go? I need it to cook with 
 for our supper, and I am going to make something you like !" 
 
 [ 140] 
 
THE CHILD'S ATTITUDE 
 
 And the difiference in the way the box is filled is worth the 
 extra trouble, if there is any trouble, in putting it so. 
 
 When the parent finds that the child is actually entering 
 into a state of unreasoning excitement, let his own coolness 
 continue. Meet temper with firmness, but never with tem- 
 per. "Only one gets mad at a time in this house" is the 
 motto in one home. The one object now is to restore a sane 
 condition. The child may be left by himself for a time to 
 cool off; he may be told of some good time that is to follow 
 compliance, not as a reward, but as a consoling prospect; 
 sometimes the parent may wisely offer her help in the task ; 
 in extreme instances the child may be put to bed. He will 
 find it hard perpetually to resist good humor and courtesy. 
 In the end the child should not be the gainer by his obsti- 
 nacy. The task must still be done, and perhaps by delay 
 he has forfeited some additional pleasure. It has been ad- 
 vised by some that other children may be allowed to be 
 present to help bring the offender to his senses through 
 shame. Mrs. Wiggin has touched on this: 
 
 "Oftentimes he is obdurate when reproved in private for a 
 fault, but when brought to the tribunal of the disapproval 
 of other children, he is chagrined, repents, and makes atone- 
 ment. He is uneasy under the adverse verdict of a large 
 company, but the condemnation of one person did not weigh 
 with him. It is usually not wise, however, to appeal to pub- 
 lic opinion in this way, save on an abstract question, as the 
 child loses his self-respect, and becomes degraded in his own 
 eyes, if his fault is trumpeted abroad." 
 
 When the rebellion is over and the proper treatment has 
 been given, let that definitely close the transaction. Don't 
 harp on it afterward. 
 
 There are a few simple devices for forestalling obstinacy. 
 Jacob Abbott advocated a kind of schooling in cheerful 
 obedience. "Mary, knowing that the principle of obedience 
 
 [141] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 in the children was extremely weak, and that it could not 
 stand any serious test, contrived to bring it into exercise a 
 great many times under the lightest possible pressure. She 
 called upon them to do a great many things, each of which 
 was very easy to do, and gave them many little prohibitions 
 which it required a very slight effort of self-denial on their 
 part to regard; and she connected agreeable associations in 
 their minds with the idea of submission to authority, through 
 the interest which she knew they would feel in seeing the 
 work of gathering the flowers and making the bouquets go 
 systematically and prosperously on, and through the com- 
 mendation of their conduct which she expressed at the end." 
 
 Sully suggests that the mother prepare the child some 
 time beforehand for a difificult duty, telling him that she 
 expects he will be able and willing to perform it. This is a 
 legitimate use of suggestion. He also urges that the child 
 be asked some time in advance when in cool blood to promise 
 to do the duty cheerfully. When the time arrives the struggle 
 is only with himself; his will has already been enlisted on 
 the right side. This simple expedient of shifting the time 
 in the imagination of the children helps immensely toward 
 good will, by giving the will leisure to form itself favorably. 
 So a story, particularly one with a spice of humor or a telling 
 point, may be related in an impressive way of a supposititious 
 situation, which is likely to occur, and then referred to 
 pleasantly when such a situation does arrive. The parent 
 thus divests his request of all appearance of fault-finding and 
 secures for it not merely its ready admission, but a cordial 
 welcome for it in their minds. 
 
 One reason for apparent obstinacy is that the young child 
 is in the period of 
 
 Individualism 
 
 This period has its value. The child is selfish, and self- 
 ishness is not lovable, but how can he regard others until 
 
 [142] 
 
THE CHILD'S ATTITUDE 
 
 he has learned properly to regard himself? He must be first 
 . in order to do. The independence and self-assertiveness that 
 go with this are not agreeable to others, but they are needful 
 to the child for his self-protection. All the development of 
 personal temperament, initiative and self-reliance wait upon 
 the maturing of his individuaHsm. 
 
 The individualism of the child consists chiefly in expres- 
 sions of his various instincts. Now the child's instincts are 
 his race inheritance, the long echo of all the past to enrich 
 his present. They are his tendrils, the prophetic reachings- 
 forth of his nature to lodgments for his growing powers. 
 They are his "vital breath, his native air." Through the 
 grasping instinct, active in his little fingers from the first day 
 of his life, the fighting instinct, the imitative instinct, the gang 
 instinct, and all the rest, he learns his world and himself. The 
 instincts have been sadly misunderstood. "They constitute," 
 says Dr. T. M. Balliet, "what is known as original sin." "The 
 boy," says Gerald Stanley Lee, "could be made into a man 
 out of the parts of him that his parents and teachers are try- 
 ing to throw away." Instinct is what gives him his avidity 
 for life. It is what sends him to bed dressed, so that he can 
 be up early for to-morrow. It is what makes him loth 
 to go to bed at all, lest he should lose some of the fun that 
 is going on in the world while he is asleep. It explains why 
 when he is awake he is much of the time in the third heaven, 
 and whether in the body or out of the body one cannot tell 
 — God knoweth. The boy who stated as the two requisites 
 of a good church boys' club "feed and fun" had evidently 
 unconsciously summed up the needs of his own period in 
 life. Nutriment and joy, especially the joyous use of his 
 instincts in wholesome directions — are not these indicated to 
 us parents as the two principal rights of a growing child? 
 
 Slowly, however, during this era the child begins to social- 
 ize. The ages from ten to seventeen are said to be the 
 
 [143] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 golden years of the "gang period." The child is so sud- 
 denly and thoroughly seized by the glamor of his self-chosen 
 group that its opinion soon becomes all-prevailing with him. 
 This becomes an important factor in government. 
 
 Sociability 
 
 It is a little alarming to discover that the discipline of 
 one's own child involves a share in the disciplining of most 
 of the children on the street. This is the more difficult 
 because we have neither full opportunity nor authority. It 
 is hard to be guardian of other people's children without full 
 warrant. The parents of the others do not always share 
 our ideals or our realization of duty. Then comes a clash- 
 ing of the diflferent ideas as to allowances, evenings-out, 
 privileges of playing away from home, etc., held by other 
 parents and ourselves. 
 
 The whole problem of the gang is discussed in "The Boy 
 Problem," but a few practical suggestions may be given 
 here. 
 
 The gang instinct is really the friendship-making instinct. 
 Between ten and seventeen comes no doubt the most power- 
 ful single influence in the lives of most children. What the 
 gang says, thmks and does is to the individual member pub- 
 lic opinion. The peril of the gang is usually not that it is 
 bad, but that it is undecided ; it never is sure what it is going 
 to do next. To ignore the gang is to let it go its own 
 aimless, dangerous way. The gang needs only to be 
 chaperoned, to be guided into safety. Parents must enter 
 into the gangs to which their children belong. Their supe- 
 rior resourcefulness and their kindness will win the confi- 
 dence and worship of each member. The following illustration 
 from Mrs. Lutes is as good as a treatise: 
 
 "Mother," says twelve-year-old Jack, "may I bring ten of 
 the boys over here tonight? It's a club and — " 
 
 [144] 
 
THE CHILD'S ATTITUDE 
 
 "No," comes the prompt response. "I've just got my 
 carpets cleaned and all the floors done over and I'm not 
 going to have a raft of boys with muddy feet tracking all 
 over everywhere. Your father and I are going out and you 
 just can't." 
 
 "But, mother—" 
 
 "Don't 'but mother' me. I say 'no.' And don't you go 
 gadding off somewhere, either. Last week you were off one 
 night and stayed until all hours, and you got a good 
 thrashing for it. If you don't want another you stay right 
 here." 
 
 "But, mother, I don't want to stay here all alone while the 
 boys are having a good time. They'll just go to Jim Blair's 
 house if they can't come here, and I want to go too. I 
 can't ever have them here. You and father go out and you 
 have company and you make more racket — " 
 
 "John Jones, you hush! Do you know who you are talk- 
 ing to?" 
 
 "Yes," John agrees bitterly in his heart. He does. He 
 is talking to a woman who can refuse him the right to enter- 
 tain his . friends in his own home, and who is surely and 
 steadily driving him to the street and saloon, where con- 
 veniences for entertaining are provided. 
 
 That she will some day weep and wail and reproach him 
 for lack of filial duty and grieve heartbrokenly for a son 
 who has gone to the bad makes no difference. It isn't his 
 fault that he is going to the bad. 
 
 "Mother," says Jack Somebody-Else, "I'd like to have the 
 'Gang' in tonight if you have no objection. It's quite a 
 while since I've had them." 
 
 "Why, certainly. Jack. I was wondering yesterday why 
 you didn't have them. Father and I are always glad to see 
 the boys. What's the stunt?" 
 
 Jack glances warmly and smilingly into his mother's 
 
 [I4S] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 sympathetic face. It always pleases him to hear her use a 
 "boy-word." 
 
 "We're rehearsing, you know, for Robin Hood — " 
 
 "How stupid of me. Of course. You're Alan-a-Dale, 
 aren't you?" 
 
 "Yes. Say, Mumsie, s'pose you've got a song, some old 
 song such as they used to sing those days ?" 
 
 "Somewhere in the attic down under the 'leventy-'lebenth 
 bundle of magazines in the northwest corner, is some old 
 sheet music, and amongst it is 'Under the Greenwood Tree.' 
 S'pose you can find it or shall I?" 
 
 "I can. I wouldn't want you to hunt for it. Will you 
 play it for me. Mum?" 
 
 "Dee-lighted! What would you 'fellers' like for lunch?" 
 
 "Mother!" Jack comes impulsively back from a bound 
 toward the attic door. "You're a — a — lalapaloosie. You're 
 a brick, Muddie. I wish more of the fellers had a mother 
 like you. Some of 'em won't even let the kids invite the 
 Gang." 
 
 "I know," mother nods, comprehendingly, "but they don't 
 understand. It's your home, Jackie, you know, just as much 
 as it is ours. And you do your share toward making it a 
 home just as much as we do ; so, — why not ?" 
 
 [146] 
 
CHAPTER XI 
 OBEDIENCE 
 
 Turning now from the traits of parent and child, let us 
 consider one of the chief purposes of government, which is 
 obedience. 
 
 Let us fix in our mind for all time that obedience is 
 something that is for the sake of children and not of parents. 
 It is not our right; it is the child's protection. We happen 
 to have more wisdom; it is to be put at the child's disposal. 
 
 "The traditional and almost invariable attitude of the adult 
 toward the child," says Patterson DuBois, "is one of absolute 
 possession, unlimited right and infallible judgment in all 
 that pertains to the child's welfare. It shows itself in the 
 lust of authority, the indulgence in the habit of command, a 
 craze for 'obedience,' and a desire to be thorough in the 
 practice — rather than the science — of punishing. As over 
 against all this, the parent ought to recognize himself as sent 
 to the child, rather than as having the child sent to him." 
 
 "Does it matter in the very least," says Ennis Richmond, 
 "whether a child obeys us, except in so far as we stand for 
 the time (that is, while the child is quite young, not yet 
 arrived — as we say — at years of discretion) between the 
 child and a rule which is everlasting, dealing out to its un- 
 developed mind this universal rule in fragments for its im- 
 mature digestion?" 
 
 Having assumed the right to guide and be trusted, we 
 must, in order to maintain it, wield it without indecision. 
 Mrs. Allen urges: Never say "I'll see" or "maybe." Say 
 either "yes" or "no," or "I cannot decide so quickly. Come to 
 me at such and such a time and I will tell you." Never be 
 
 [147] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 indecisive. Let your yea be yea and your nay, nay. Of 
 course a perfect obedience forbids teasing the mother to 
 change her mind. If once, only once, she yields a forbidden 
 point, and the child, with its abnormal keenness, sees it, she 
 is lost. From that time on her yea is no longer yea and her 
 nay, nay, but both are doubtful quantities, to be disputed. 
 It is infinitely better not to give a command than to let the 
 child evade it. When she says even a small thing must not 
 be, she must stick to it. If it happens that the question 
 turns on a second piece of cake, and she says "No more 
 today," and then says later on, "Well, just this once, but 
 next time do not ask," she is weakly giving up the whole 
 situation, and barring the Angel of Peace forever from her 
 home. 
 
 This does not mean that the mother will never change her 
 mind, but there is a difference which any child of parts can 
 see between changing one's mind for a whine and for a 
 reason. The mother who freely gives a hearing to new 
 facts and modifies her commands accordingly holds the trust 
 of a child better than the one who simply squats in her ob- 
 stinacy. Ernest H. Abbott gives the following illustration: 
 
 "The punishment which regularly follows is announced. 
 It then transpires that what seemed disobedience was really 
 misunderstanding. What can be done? Since the maternal 
 court does not crave infallibility, the error in sentence is 
 acknowledged. So far from impairing confidence in the 
 court, this proceeding actually tends to buttress it. The 
 next time an adverse judgment is declared and sentence is 
 inflicted, the culprit, even if he believes himself guiltless, 
 will, if he thinks about it at all, suspect that the judge is 
 attempting, not to preserve her dignity, but honestly to ad- 
 minister justice." 
 
 The question is asked as to whether reasons should be 
 given a child when requiring obedience of him. With very 
 
 [148] 
 
OBEDIENCE 
 
 little children, evidently not. We cannot reason with a baby ; 
 we must use our reason for him. Evidently, too, reasons 
 should never be given as an inducement to obey a command. 
 In customary matters demand immediate implicit obedience. 
 Never reason with a child when he is in an unreasoning mood 
 or is biased by the pressure of desire. In novel circum- 
 stances it is often possible to explain before giving a com- 
 mand, but never wise to argue after giving it. Be sure that 
 the child understands the order, if not the reason for it. 
 One experienced mother insists that her children always 
 shall look her in the eye when she gives a command. Then 
 take the ground and ask the child to take it that since you 
 have been right in a hundred cases in asking him to obey, 
 it stands to reason that you are right now, even if he cannot 
 yet see why. Sometimes the crisis is so important that you 
 are grateful indeed that you have been able successfully to 
 maintain discipline. Edward Everett Hale remarked half 
 humorously in one of his extravagant moments: "It has 
 been well said that the ferocity of infancy is such that, were 
 its strength equal to its will, it would long ago have exter- 
 minated the human race. This is true. And it is to be re- 
 marked, also, that the strength of infancy, and of boyhood 
 and girlhood, is very great. Thus is it that, unless some 
 strict rules are laid down for limiting its use and the places 
 of its exhibition, and kept after they are laid down, the death 
 of parents, and of all persons who have passed the age of 
 childhood, may be expected at any moment." Perhaps a 
 question of health is involved, or of morals, or some other 
 really serious thing, and the growing boy or girl is quite 
 sure the parents are wrong, and will not be convinced by 
 the most careful, patient reasoning and explanation; such 
 things do happen. Then, after all is said, if the father and 
 mother are certain of the wisdom of their course, the child, 
 not the parents, must yield. Once in a long time it is best 
 
 [149] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 to let the child have his own way and teach him by suffering 
 that he is wrong; but usually this is too costly, and it is 
 better to say firmly, "You must abide by my decision; I 
 am sure in this case I am right, and when you are older 
 you will see that it was so." Then the child will show 
 whether, after all, his training in obedience has been worth 
 while. If he submits with an underlying belief in his parents 
 in spite of his disappointment, the day is won; it has saved 
 both the child and the day from disaster. 
 
 A good example of a reassurable way of requiring obedi- 
 ence is by means of the story method. Jacob Abbott em- 
 ployed this method frequently: 
 
 "And so you thought you had good reasons for disobey- 
 ing me," rejoined George. "Yes," said Egbert, triumph- 
 antly. "That is just it," said George. "You are willing to 
 obey, except when you think you have good reasons for 
 disobeying, and then you disobey. That's the way a great 
 many boys do, and that reminds me of the story I was going 
 to tell you. It is about some soldiers." 
 
 George then told Egbert a long story about a colonel who 
 sent a captain with a company of men on a secret expedi- 
 tion with specific orders. The captain disobeyed the orders 
 and crossed a stream with his force when he had been di- 
 rected to remain on the hither side of it, thinking himself 
 that it would be better to cross; and in consequence he and 
 all his force were captured by the enemy, who were lying 
 in ambush near by, as the colonel knew, though the captain 
 did not. George concluded his story with some very forci- 
 ble remarks, showing, in a manner adapted to Egbert's state 
 of mental development, how essential it was to the character 
 of a good soldier that he should obey implicitly all the com- 
 mands of his superior, without even presuming to disregard 
 them on the ground of seeing good reason for doing so. 
 
 The grandson of Jacob Abbott, Ernest Hamlin Abbott, 
 
 [ISO] 
 
OBEDIENCE 
 
 has written as sensibly as his ancestor on home training of 
 children. He recommends a similar use of the story and 
 of co-operation. 
 
 "A small boy is well acquainted with the story of the 
 Israelites in Egypt. He is not overburdened with a sense 
 of moral responsibility. One day, when he was dawdling 
 over his task of changing his shoes and stockings, it was 
 suggested that his father be an Egyptian and he be an 
 Israelitish slave. He joyfully acquiesced. His father took 
 the tip of a bamboo fishing rod as a badge of authority and 
 stood by. In a few moments the boy was dawdling. A 
 light rap over the shins recalled him to his duty. There was 
 no complaint; for he knew it was the business of the over- 
 seer to keep the slave at his task. His shoes and stockings 
 were changed in a very much shorter time than was cus- 
 tomary; and he contemplated his finished work with satis- 
 faction. A few days later, when he had a similar task to 
 perform, he proposed of his own accord a repetition of the 
 performance." 
 
 The art of securing obedience promptly often invites a 
 process of treatment. A child dislikes to put away his play- 
 things, and rebels about minding. The mother, in an ex- 
 ample furnished by Ernest Abbott, gives all the children 
 warning that in fifteen minutes all the playthings must be 
 put away. The others begin at once to get ready. Eric 
 goes on playing. A second time she gives him a quiet 
 reminder. A third time sounds the authoritative voice. "In 
 three minutes it will be a quarter past four. I shall want 
 you then to begin to wash and dress for a drive. Eric, I 
 am afraid you won't be able to go with us; your blocks are 
 not put away." She might, of course, justly tell him then 
 and there that he will not be allowed to go; she chooses, 
 however, the better way, and lets him wrestle with the situ- 
 tion. "You had better not stop to cry," she warns him: 
 
 [iSi] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 "there is no time to waste." In fractious misery he hur- 
 riedly begins his belated task. His will, so far from being 
 broken or weakened, is actually stiffened; but it is now en- 
 listed on the side of authority. The others — not a whit more 
 virtuous, by the way, but only more sagacious — are half 
 dressed before he has put his blocks in order. If he fails to 
 overtake them, he will stand disconsolate, abject, perhaps 
 tempestuous, and watch them depart. He has had his way, 
 but he has won no victory; he has simply learned the cost 
 of wilfulness. If he succeeds in overtaking them, he will 
 not have lost his lesson. His mother, it is true, will not 
 exactly have had her way; but she reckons that no loss, as 
 her way was not her end; she will have enlisted his will. 
 The victory which the boy will have won is not over her. 
 The only antagonist he has had is himself. Because of her 
 respect for him, he will now have a new respect for himself 
 and for her. He is on the road to acquiring the will to 
 obey. 
 
 I 152 I 
 
CHAPTER XII 
 METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 Let us now consider some of the methods of governing 
 children of public school age. 
 
 Suggestion 
 Suggestion is effective with children because they do not 
 themselves- have a very great stock of ideas. They wel- 
 come adult contributions. It is especially successful in ex- 
 treme youth because children then deeply feel a sense of 
 dependence upon adults. The skilful mother often so ingen- 
 iously predates her suggestions that the child proceeds, as 
 does the hypnotized individual, to perform them at the in- 
 dicated time. "Father will be tired when he comes home 
 tonight. Shall we not surprise him by having the ashes all 
 carried out and the cellar cleaned?" "How thoughtful you 
 would be if you would be careful not to disturb Mary this 
 evening; she is having such a hard time with her geometry." 
 "I wonder if I could trust you to get lunch alone tomorrow 
 when I have to be down town?" Thus the sly parent 
 prepares the way for willing, effective compliance, some- 
 times with a great show of secrecy, sometimes with a gentle 
 plea, always with a loving expectancy. 
 
 Explanation 
 This is the appeal to reason. Though not to be used as 
 an inducement to obedience, it makes obedience heartier and 
 in the end it makes it more effective. A child of parts 
 ought to execute commands more successfully than a stupid 
 or instructed one. If we accustom a child to obey without 
 
 [153] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 knowing why we train him to act all his life without fore- 
 thought. Mental training should aid moral training. 
 
 "One sometimes grows tired," says Mrs. Lutes, "of the 
 everlasting 'why?' and 'what for?' of childhood, but how else 
 is the child to grow? He is new to this world of multitu- 
 dinous things; he is a creature gifted with reasoning power 
 and a mind that demands consistence between words and 
 deeds. He wants to know why he is told to do thus and so 
 or not to do thus and so. He feels the injustice of being 
 told to perform acts as an automaton would. He becomes 
 discouraged. His mental activities are not called into ac- 
 count and he grows sluggish. His movements become 
 mechanical and he has no initiative, no power to think for 
 himself or to lay out for himself a course of action. He has 
 continually to be told 'what to do next.' He has to be 
 entertained, amused, told when to move and when not to. 
 Then the parents and teachers call him 'stupid,' 'dull' and 
 even those who are responsible for his stupidity chide him 
 for it." 
 
 A better way to make clear to a boy or girl the ungra- 
 ciousness or uncouthness of his conduct than reproach is a 
 dispassionate explanation of it. Mrs. Allen suggests this: 
 "She said sometimes to her little boy, after visitors had left 
 the parlor, 'now, dear, I am going to be your little girl and 
 you are going to be my papa; and we will play that a 
 gentleman has come in to see you, and I will show you 
 exactly how you have been behaving during the call of my 
 friends, and you can see if you would not feel very sorry 
 to have a little child behave so.' " 
 
 Persuasion 
 This is the appeal to affection or kindness. Though usually 
 valid, it must be used with caution. A mother may in 
 emergencies use her heada,che as a plea for special consid- 
 
 [154] 
 
METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 eration, but the use of feebleness as a regular appeal is 
 subversive of authority and tends to evoke a contemptuous 
 pity from the child. 
 
 A method of indirect persuasion is that of praise. Some 
 parents, in their fear lest they spoil their children by re- 
 wards of flattery, withhold from them even earnest expres- 
 sions of satisfaction. "When Mary," says Jacob Abbott, 
 "greatly interested in what for the moment she is doing, 
 delays her coming, she says, 'You ought to come at once, 
 Mary, when I call you, and not make me wait in this way.' 
 In the cases when Mary did come at once, she had said 
 nothing." Now there is evidently a difiference between a 
 compensation agreed upon beforehand, of the nature of 
 payment for a service rendered, and a natural expression of 
 the happiness felt by her mother in the good conduct of 
 her child. And so Mr. Abbott, who did not believe in ex- 
 traneous bargained-for rewards, urges a surprise like this: 
 "You remember when I went to the village to-day I left yoti 
 in the yard and said that you must not go out of the gate, 
 and you obeyed. Perhaps you would have liked to go out 
 into the road and play there, but you would not go because 
 I had forbidden it. I am very glad that you obeyed. I 
 thought of you when I was in the village, and I thought you 
 would obey me. I felt quite safe about you. If you had been 
 disobedient children, I should have felt uneasy and anxious. 
 But I felt safe. When I had finished my shopping, I 
 thought I would buy you some bonbons, and here they are. 
 You can go and sit down together on the carpet and divide 
 them. Mary can choose one, and then Jane; then Mary, and 
 then Jane again; and so on until they are all chosen." 
 
 Diversion 
 "I don't think we seem very happy; let's sing something," 
 suggests the alert kindergartner on some muggy morning 
 
 [155] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 when everybody seems quarrelsome. There is a good hint 
 for the mother. It is usually possible to divert the gathering 
 storms of obstinacy, the impossible request, the hurtful cause 
 of action. Such diversions can usually be pleasant and 
 sportive, but occasionally they need to be startling. St. John 
 makes a suggestion for handling temper, "with reasons 
 annexed.'' 
 
 "With some hesitation, lest it be misunderstood or mis- 
 applied, another prescription is offered. Sometimes, when a 
 child is in the midst of one of those distressing outbursts 
 of rage, he may be brought out of it by an unexpected dash 
 of water in his face. This is not a punishment in any sense. 
 Its effect is to substitute intense surprise, with perhaps a 
 small element of fear, for the anger. The physical shock 
 is enough to do this, and in ordinary cases is far less harm- 
 ful than prolonged anger. It is the method of diversion 
 applied in a heroic way. Usually by the time the water is 
 wiped away from the eyes and face the child rushes to his 
 mother's arms and, after a few tears, falls asleep." 
 
 It is generally agreed that the golden age of habit-form- 
 ing falls in this period. So one of the most permanently 
 lasting methods to use now is that of 
 
 Drill 
 or habituation. Psychologists speak of the brain as contain- 
 ing the lower levels of habit and the higher ones of volition, 
 and urge the training of all the lower levels to right courses 
 before the twelfth year. It is well known that correct table 
 habits and minor social usages are learned and made auto- 
 matic with great difficulty any later. We must start so early 
 about these things that the young people when they have 
 grown up will never remember when they acquired them. 
 
 Having learned all of good behavior that the race can 
 teach, "they can spend their own full manhood strength in 
 
 [iS6] 
 
METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 discovering new nobilities of conduct. So the prophecy of 
 the young life may be fulfilled and its potentiality become a 
 reality of service." Refinement, considerateness, and even 
 religious ceremonies may be so thoroughly absorbed now 
 that such habits can never be easily broken, and when later 
 any of them are temporarily deserted or disowned the 
 tendency will yet be to come back to them and rebuild the 
 old nests with a new good will and reinvest old formularies 
 with fresh and intelligent meaning. Thus we use the seven 
 full years of plenty for any period of spiritual famine that 
 may follow. 
 
 This is the period when a mild imitation of military dis- 
 cipline is delightfully effective. Children enjoy playing they 
 are soldiers, they take a keen delight in being put through 
 simple and regular evolutions such as falling into line and 
 taking turn in privileges, and they may be taught most of 
 the physical habits and some of the more solid virtues 
 through the stories of good soldiers and by the imitation of 
 them. An illustration of the method was given in Jacob 
 Abbott's story under the caption "Obedience." 
 
 The natural disorderliness of children is supposed to be 
 antagonistic to habituation, but it can be much lessened 
 where the home has conveniences which make orderliness 
 and neatness easy. Where the clothes closet has low hooks, 
 where the playroom has bins on the floor instead of high 
 shelves, where there is an initialed towel in the bath room 
 for each child, where there is a box of rubbers in the cellai-, 
 the necessity of "picking up after the children" obviously 
 becomes minimized. 
 
 Regularity makes the home life as comfortable to the par- 
 ent as to the child, chiefly because it spreads the discipline 
 over a vast space of time instead of centering it chiefly in 
 collisions. 
 
 The question is voiced by Griggs which has been asked 
 
 [157] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 by others : "In many things the right standard for the aduh 
 differs somewhat from that applicable to the child. Shall 
 the adult follow the standard that is suitable for children, 
 or shall he follow his own and seek to make the child under- 
 stand the difference? In general, I think the latter. Cer- 
 tain things to eat are healthful for the parent, but injurious 
 to the child. It is not best to give them up, nor to exclude 
 the child from the table when they are upon it, but to accus- 
 tom him from the beginning to recognize that as a child he 
 must forego certain pleasures which he may enjoy in ma- 
 turity. In the extreme case all must admit this principle: 
 surely there is no reason why the parent should go to bed 
 at seven or the child sit up until eleven to bring the two 
 standards of behavior together." 
 
 Griggs answers a more difficult aspect of the question, we 
 think wisely. 
 
 "The question becomes difficult, however, just in that 
 margin of our behavior where habits which are relatively 
 non-moral so easily slip over into what is positively harm- 
 ful. Smoking is perhaps the best example. All physicians 
 are agreed that the habit of smoking is injurious to a grow- 
 ing child or youth. Many physicians hold, however, that 
 smoking, kept rigidly within limits, and used as a means of 
 relaxation and not as a stimulant to work, is not appreciably 
 injurious to an adult, and may add greatly to the pleasure 
 of social intercourse. What, then, should be the attitude 
 of a father or schoolmaster in this connection? Should he 
 renounce the habit as setting an example he does not wish 
 his boys to imitate, even though he believes it entirely right 
 for himself; or should he continue to live in his own con- 
 viction, and trust to making the children understand the dif- 
 ference in standard for youth and maturity? I believe the 
 main key to the solution is this: Is the father or teacher 
 convinced that the habit is one he would be glad to have his 
 
 [158] 
 
METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 boys acquire in maturity just as he practices it? If this 
 question can truthfully be answered affirmatively there is no 
 direct reason for foregoing the habit; but if the father or 
 teacher has a half-confessed sense that he would answer the 
 question negatively, it means he is not really living to his own 
 highest standard and would better turn around. 
 
 "Temperance is always harder than abstinence, and is usually 
 better. Life means a sane balance of activities; and an example 
 of harmonious self-control, putting everything in its place, 
 may be far more effective than one of asceticism assumed for 
 didactic purposes. There is a further corrective principle, 
 however. Where one man errs in exaggerated self-denial, a 
 dozen sink into the slough of self-indulgence. Sensualism 
 and asceticism may be equally failure, but the former is the 
 common danger. Especially is this true where the mastery 
 of material conditions is such that desires can be easily grati- 
 fied and there is little need of struggle. Then asceticism 
 becomes a sound instrument of education, and some measure 
 of even unnecessary renunciation is an effective element of 
 moral discipline. There is great need to teach this truth to 
 children in well-to-do families in these days; and the teach- 
 ing by example is more efifective than any other." 
 
 Much better than negative deprivation or other punish- 
 ment is the positive treatment, of occupation. 
 
 Activity 
 
 When, as some one has said, children are no longer boxed 
 on their ears, but are given magnifying glasses and photo- 
 graphic cameras to increase their capacity for life and for 
 loving it, we not only have better-trained children, but more 
 capable ones. 
 
 "Just the reverse of this system rules today," says Ellen 
 Key. "Mothers learn their children's lessons, invent plays 
 for them, arrange their rooms for them, read their story 
 
 [159] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 books for them, arrange their rooms after them, pick up 
 what they have let fall, put in order the things they have left 
 in confusion, and in this and in other ways, by protective 
 pampering and attention, their desire for work, their endur- 
 ance, the gifts of invention and imagination, qualities proper 
 to the child, become weak and passive." And Mrs. Allen 
 adds: "The child who constantly asks 'What shall I do?' or 
 who is constantly without occupation, is he whose available 
 occupations have become too easy for him, and who is not 
 bred by experience into the knowledge that there is sur- 
 passing interest in doing what is creative and a little 
 difficult." 
 
 It is an encouraging fact that it is the brightest and most 
 difficult children who respond most vigorously to methods 
 of activity. It is these original natures who often are badly 
 treated at home as well as at school. Some parents seem 
 to be prejudiced against the appearance of initiative in their 
 ofifspring. It is now believed that the discouragement of the 
 curiosity instinct, which shows itself early in the desire to 
 grasp everything in the fingers and later in the desire to 
 experiment and take things apart, does more to cripple 
 talent than any other of our mistaken courses of conduct. 
 The method of activity implies simple and strong clothes 
 in which the young people can play freely, play materials 
 with good tools, rather than ready-made toys, a regimen of 
 work and helpfulness, and a coeval development of the sense 
 of proprietorship with respect for the property of others. 
 
 [i6o] 
 
CHAPTER XIII 
 GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 It would seem that if the problems of child government 
 were treated preventively, as we have been indicating, there 
 would be little need of treating them by punishment. If we 
 begin right, we shall not need to proceed by penalties. But, 
 as Jacob Abbott says: "This is the way to begin; but you 
 cannot begin unless you are at the beginning. If your chil- 
 dren are partly grown, and you find that they are not under 
 your command, the difificulty is much greater. The princi- 
 ples which should govern the management are the same, 
 but they cannot be applied by means so gentle.'' 
 
 Often the need of punishment arises because of our own 
 fault. "The child," says Mrs. Allen, "is allowed his own 
 sweet will for two or three years of his life, possibly longer, 
 and then all of a sudden, when disobedience and lawlessness 
 is no longer cunning, he is suddenly told not to do thus and 
 so and is bruised upon the body, beaten and hurt for doing 
 the very thing he has been allowed to do with applause." 
 
 Punishment, though sometimes necessary and apparently 
 effective, is always, to a degree, artificial. "It can never 
 avoid being an obtrusion between the deed and the real 
 .reason for not doing it." It has to be partially based upon 
 the false doctrine that a fault may be atoned for by sufiferings 
 that are not directly connected with the fault. Punishments 
 irritate; they stir up rebellion or a sense of injustice. If they 
 subdue, they tend to maim the will. Our aim should be to 
 cause the punishments to be as natural — that is, as imitative 
 of the proper result of the fault — as possible. For example, 
 Wfe' deprive a child of his dessert if he dawdles over his meat, * 
 
 [i6i] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 or put him by himself if he disturbs others by noise. The 
 parallel danger that a fixed punishment may lose its effec- 
 tiveness after its rigor is known (just as the boy who knows 
 he will get a whipping for an offense decides that the fun is 
 worth the pain) should suggest to us that it is often well to 
 state the fact but leave the nature of the threatened punish- 
 ment very much of a mystery. To do this also gives the 
 parent leisure to "make the punishment fit the crime." Yet 
 threats should be used sparingly. The child knows full well 
 that the "next time" is likely never to come. At most its 
 coming is a negligible chance. The only proper threat is a 
 promise made just once, after other methods have failed, as 
 a fair warning that one more offense of the kind stated will 
 meet with an untold but suitable retribution. It is the infre- 
 quent, final appeal, which can be so stated that it shall not be 
 so much an arousement of fear as a challenge of the bravest 
 effort on the part of the child. 
 
 The rationale of punishment was discussed very fully in the 
 earlier part of this book. The matter may be reviewed here. 
 
 The purpose of punishment is not retaliation, the wreak- 
 ing of parental anger, satisfaction to the neighbors or even 
 "giving the child what he deserves." Punishment is a rig- 
 orous kind of teaching, devised to be as helpful as possible 
 "to enable the child," to use Ellen Key's phrase, "to over- 
 come by self-formed purpose or mastery his desire to repeat 
 the offense." It is not only for stopping a course of conduct, 
 but for altering a course of desire. It is not to weaken, but 
 to strengthen the child. Miss Frances E. Willard used to 
 say that her mother always tried to make out that she, Miss 
 Willard, wanted to be good and true. "We never," says G. 
 Stanley Hall, "punish but a part of a child's nature. He has 
 lied, but he is not a liar, and we deal only with the special 
 act and must love all the rest of him." 
 
 Such a purpose leaves small room at this period for cor- 
 
 [162] 
 
GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 poral punishment. Corporal punishment never created a 
 love of virtue. It appeals to a base motive and therefore 
 does not change desire unless in weak-willed children 
 whose desires and wills are not only altered thereby, 
 but weakened. As a form of teaching, it substitutes a result 
 for the conduct that has no relation to the act itself. To 
 whip a child for going near the fire teaches him that fire 
 whips, when really it burns. To whip him for crying not only 
 teaches him that crying whips, but prevents us from discov- 
 ering the real cause of his crying. It is indiscriminate and 
 therefore clumsy. Corporal punishment was long ago 
 admirably described by Comenius, who compared an edu- 
 cator using this method with a musician striking a badly- 
 tuned instrument with his fist, instead of using his ears and 
 his hands to put it in tune. Corporal punishment is so easy 
 that it tempts the parent to continue the method, and this 
 prevents his using a rational one, and so stupefies the child 
 that at length he does not know enough to respond to any 
 other. Where the child is not embruted thereby, we do not 
 know what less noticeable but permanent wrong we are doing 
 his soul. "The adult," says Ellen Key, "laughs or smiles 
 in remembering the punishments and other things which 
 caused him in his childhood anxious days or nights, which 
 produced the silent torture of the child's heart, infinite 
 despondency, burning indignation, lonely fears, outraged 
 sense of justice, the terrible creations of his imagination, his 
 absurd shame, his unsatisfied thirst for joy, freedom and ten- 
 derness. Lacking these beneficent memories, adults con- 
 stantly repeat the crime of destroying the childhood of the 
 new generation." Surely as soon as a child can remember 
 a blow, he is too old to receive it. 
 
 It is not safe to generalize about corporal punishment. 
 Ernest H. Abbott uses the following illustration to prove this: 
 "In a household there are three children. One, sensitive 
 
 [163] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 to physical pain, shrivels and warps at the very prospect of it; 
 a second is deterred from no act by the fear of it, and is 
 altered not a whit by the memory of it; the third seems to 
 find in it a comforting sense of being mastered at those times 
 when he is out of sorts with himself, and responds to it with 
 renewed affection and restored sweetness of temper. For 
 the mother of that trio academic discussions on corporal pun- 
 ishment are not only uninteresting — ^they are positively 
 irritating. She has paid her children the decent respect of 
 considering their temperaments." 
 
 Yet even the child who seems to be comforted by a whip- 
 ping ought not to have one if he conceives it as a sort of 
 accepted atonement for an offense which he had not repaired 
 or regards as blameless any misdeed in which he was not 
 caught. 
 
 Edward Howard Griggs has summed up well the general 
 program for corrective discipline. "It should aim solely at 
 the eradication of the fault and the establishment of moral 
 health in the child. (2) It should utilize punishments that are 
 as natural as possible, logically flowing from the fault and 
 therefore teaching respect for the laws of life and prudence 
 in the presence of the rigorous limitations Nature sets to 
 human action. (3) It should enforce the discipline that gives 
 self-control and the power to resist wrong desire. (4) It 
 should awaken love and pursuit of the virtue of which the 
 fault is the distortion or negation. Yet, when all is said, the 
 prescription in every case must be individual; and we must 
 never forget, as Arthur Giles says in the best sentence of his 
 little book on Moral Pathology, that 'In moral, as in medical 
 pathology, the patient, and not the disease, must be treated.' " 
 
 If punishment is intended to help the child forsake the 
 fault and love virtue, then it should, so far as possible, be 
 co-operative in character. The worst effect of corporal 
 punishment is that usually, because of the anger either of 
 
 [164] 
 
GOVERNMENT BY PUNISHMENT 
 
 parent or child or both, the parent appears to be the child's 
 antagonist, when he most needs him as a friend. It seems 
 to be a prerequisite to such punishment that the child should 
 be talked with seriously until he so clearly discerns the na- 
 ture of the offense that he shall be able to jmme it and to agree 
 upon an appropriate penalty and at length accept it cheerfully 
 as self-imposed. 
 
 The element of choice, which is so important an element 
 of will-training, may exist even in punishments, as we have 
 already noticed. Let us grant, for example, that a child has 
 a right to cry if he wants to, but he must choose whether 
 he will cease or stop annoying his family by doing it in retire- 
 ment. He may not be forcibly prevented from breaking his 
 brother's toys, but he may be told in advance that he will 
 have the option of paying for them. Dr. Reeder advises, 
 from his experience in an orphanage, a system of cash re- 
 sponsibility in the shape of fines. Such an arrangement gives 
 the child something to do rather than simply having some- 
 thing done to him. It lays upon the child a responsibility 
 for his own deed. In earning money to pay his fine, he pun- 
 ishes himself. In his orphanage he keeps a book account of 
 fines, and they stand on record until paid. A fine may not be 
 paid for many weeks or months after it has been imposed, 
 but the very fact that there is a responsibility on record, 
 which must be met, exerts a wholesome and restraining in- 
 fluence over the child. 
 
 It seems to be acknowledged that punishments should 
 almost invariably be private. Not only is public admonition 
 tiresome to adults present and unwholesome to self-righteous 
 brothers and sisters who may be looking on, but it is not 
 good for the culprit himself. As for punishing that is wit- 
 nessed by any outside the family circle, pride of clan at least 
 should prevent such exercise, even though we be sorely 
 tempted. The only exception that occurs to the writer is the 
 
 [165] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 one where it may be possible to mass the gang-spirit, which 
 to the child is public opinion (usually in some abstract man- 
 ner), against the child whose tendency is wrong. 
 
 [i66] 
 
CHAPTER XIV 
 
 MORE METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 Choice the Successor of Obedience 
 
 Obedience is a virtue whose value is easily exaggerated. 
 "A timid child," Ennis Richmond reminds us, "is naturally an 
 'obedient' child; just as a courageous child may be naturally 
 a 'disobedient' one. Obedience to ourselves is not a virtue 
 in a child if the obedience ends with ourselves; it is a con- 
 venience to us, and if properly used, a most useful weapon 
 in our hand when we set out to fight evil in company with 
 the child we are guiding; but that is all it is, and a child who 
 is what is so often called an 'obedient' child is just as likely 
 to be obedient to the person who counsels wrongly as to the 
 person who counsels rightly, if he has learnt to render 
 obedience to the person instead of to the principle behind 
 the person." 
 
 Mrs. Oilman has a clever essay in which she says that to 
 train a child to unthinking, unquestioning obedience is to 
 make him absolutely valueless as a citizen. He will never 
 initiate, but will follow where others lead. He will be but a 
 half-developed being, devoid of individuality and independ- 
 ence. Obedience should be considered as only a temporary 
 thing, for the attitude of infallibility that parents assume must 
 sooner or later be abandoned; it is merely the training of 
 the children, not blind obedience in itself, that is the aim. 
 The power of securing obedience invariably lessens as chil- 
 dren grow older, and when they are stronger than we it 
 ceases. Yet how many of us are content to depend upon it 
 exclusively in our treatment of children ! Outside the home 
 the child is learning at school and play to use his own mind 
 
 [167] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 to think and to decide for himself, and we cannot and would 
 not prevent him doing so in the home circle. As soon as 
 possible then we ought to have our children do what we tell 
 them, not because we can compel them, but because they 
 know why we give the order. Ennis Richmond explains 
 this : 
 
 "We give a child an order — any order will do — we say, for 
 instance, 'You must be punctual for meals,' and we can (more 
 or less) compel the child to be at the table at a certain time. 
 But having done that, what next, if we are imbued with the 
 spirit, so common to us, that a child ought to obey us because 
 we are older, because we 'know better,' because we resent 
 in him any opposition to this order, any opinion of his on the 
 matter? The child comes to table, but why does he do so? 
 Because we choose, or because he chooses? If the former, 
 what have we done for the character of his 'future man?* We 
 are insisting upon a practice which may or may not become 
 a habit, but are we supplying him with any good ground for 
 the obeying of any future rule? Above all, are we getting 
 him into touch with the universal and immortal law of which 
 our little rule ought to be the type? Surely not. But if, on 
 the contrary, the child obeys us because he chooses, have we 
 not touched his mind, his reason; have we not taught him 
 to look through the rule to the reason of the rule and given 
 him some beginning of an enduring trust in Law?" 
 
 It is indeed surprising how early a child exhibits choice 
 and defends his right to choice. Just as gradually and just as 
 fast as he can make choices with some reasonableness and 
 with little personal hazard, we ought to encourage him to do 
 so. For the ultimate goal of government is 
 
 Will-training 
 Training the child's will is simply training the power to 
 make right choices. Truly it is said, "The deliberate 'I Will' 
 
 [i68] 
 
MORE METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 is the basis of a man's character, and the 'I Will' of the crises 
 in life is being made by the 'I Will' of each day." In other 
 words, the cumulative effect of will habits is tremendous. 
 The training of this ruling power should begin, however, be- 
 fore the child is old enough to deliberate, while he is still the 
 creature of sensation and impulse. 
 
 A half century ago Jacob Abbott told us that "the chief 
 end and aim of the parental relation, as designed by the 
 author of nature, may be considered as comprised, it would 
 seem in these two objects, namely: first, the support of the 
 child by the strength of his parents during the period neces- 
 sary for the development of his strength, and secondly, his 
 guidance and direction by their reason during the develop- 
 ment of his reason." 
 
 In directing the reason of a child to right choices, our 
 whole aim must be to help him toward an independently 
 positive attitude toward life. Accurately enough does Ellen 
 Key state the common situation when she says: 
 
 "We teach the new souls not to steal, not to lie, to save 
 their clothes, to learn their lessons, to economize their money, 
 to obey commands, not to contradict older people, say their 
 prayers, to fight occasionally in order to be strong. But who 
 teaches the new souls to choose for themselves the path they 
 must tread? Who thinks that the desire for this path of 
 their own can be so profound that a hard or even mild pres- 
 sure toward uniformity can make the whole of childhood a 
 torment?" 
 
 And Professor James contrasts vividly the servant of right 
 with its eager champion when he says: 
 
 "He whose life is based upon the word 'no,' who tells the 
 truth because a lie is wicked, and who has constantly to 
 grapple with his envious and cowardly and mean propensities, 
 is in an inferior situation in every respect to what he would be 
 if the love of truth and magnanimity positively possessed him 
 
 [169] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 from the outset and he felt no inferior temptations. Your 
 born gentleman is certainly, for this world's purposes, a more 
 valuable being than your 'chump, with his grunting resistance 
 to his native devils,' even though in God's sight the latter 
 may, as the Catholic theologians say, be rolling up great 
 stores of 'merit.' " 
 
 Now, "the born gentleman who feels no inferior tempta- 
 tions" is the youth who has been trained from the beginning 
 to make habitual all the lower levels of brain activity. The 
 first step in will-training, then, is habit-formation. That 
 patient drill in all the commonplaces of courtesy, considera- 
 tion and custom which we urge above not only writes in the 
 very molecules of the child automatic responses, but manu- 
 factures his impulses into ruling motives. So will-training 
 really begins before the child appears to have a will of his 
 own. Our wills are so exclusively the product of accumu- 
 lated tendencies that, as Professor Frederick E. Bolton tells 
 us, we are free only in the direction in which our past life 
 allows us to act. Dr. G. Stanley Hall's dictum that "We 
 will with all that we have willed" may be made even stronger. 
 We will only with that we have willed. The child may be 
 thoroughly impoverished or forever endowed according 
 as his habit-formations have been patient, varied and 
 liberal. 
 
 Next there must be steadily that moral training which at 
 least helps the child to recognize goodness when he sees it 
 and to call evil by its right name. Professor James 
 again, in a passage that has become classic, insists that in 
 hours of moral indecision the assistance needed is often 
 not so much a stronger will as a clearer intelligence. 
 He illustrates the relation between will and brains as 
 follows : 
 
 "The hackneyed example of moral deliberation is the case 
 of an habitual drunkard under temptation. He has made a 
 
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MORE METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 resolve to reform, but he is now solicited again by the bottle. 
 His moral triumph or failure literally consists in his finding 
 the right name for the case. If he says that it is a case of not 
 wasting good liquor already poured out, or a case of not 
 being churlish or unsociable when in the midst of friends, or 
 the case of learning something at last about a brand of 
 whisky which he never met before, or a case of celebrating 
 a public holiday, or a case of stimulating himself to a more 
 energetic resolve in favor of abstinence than any he has ever 
 yet made, then he is lost. His choice of the wrong name 
 seals his doom. But if, in spite of all the plausible good names 
 with which his thirsty fancy so copiously furnishes him, he 
 unwaveringly clings to the truer bad name, and apperceives 
 the case as that of 'being a drunkard, being a drunkard, be- 
 ing a drunkard,' his feet are planted on the road to salvation. 
 He saves himself by thinking rightly." 
 
 And so in childhood. Regular and reasonable character- 
 ization in the home of acts of dishonor by their true names, 
 the exposure of moral fallacies cherished in the local set 
 of young people, sex education that is not only protective 
 hygienically, but that rigorously insists upon the brutishness, 
 mischievousness and social treachery of either male or fe- 
 male prostitution — all these fix in the memory and predis- 
 position of the young person the names that belong to the 
 offenses against the eternal law of right. 
 
 Volition is undeniably based largely upon good ideas plus 
 a stock of good memories. Yet, beyond these, our chief 
 taslc, especially toward the dawn of adolescence, is not drill 
 or instruction, but direct reinforcement of the will. In the 
 home the best method of will-training is to give a child fre- 
 quent opportunities to use his sense. This can be done in 
 early childhood by taking a uniformly kindly but thought- 
 ful attitude toward permissions. Some parents permit their 
 children to do everything. Others seem almost to have an 
 
 [171] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 obsession against permitting anything. With still others the 
 parental mood governs all decisions and the children learn 
 to ask practically nothing except when the parent seems 
 manifestly indulgent. Now the proper attitude should have 
 nothing to do with the mood and little with the viewpoint 
 of the parent. 
 
 "When, therefore," said Jacob Abbott, "a child asks 'May 
 I do this?' or 'May I do that?' the question for the mother to 
 consider is not whether the thing proposed is a wise or a 
 foolish thing to do — that is, whether it would be wise or 
 foolish for her, if she, with her ideas and feelings, were in the 
 place of the child — but only whether there is any harm or 
 danger in it; and if not, she should give her ready and cordial 
 consent." 
 
 With the modern emphasis upon the will as being not a 
 separate organ of the man, but simply the man willing, choos- 
 ing, making, comes a strong belief in the need of training 
 the hand as the chief agent of the will. All that we can do 
 in the way of encouraging the young to make their own play- 
 things out of ready-at-hand materials, to invent and execute 
 their own recreations, to amplify at home the school training 
 in manual crafts, to do chores, to engage in small commercial 
 transactions, helps in developing the child who can think 
 ahead, decide vigorously, work patiently and, at length, will 
 wisely. 
 
 A very valuable help in strengthening the will is to insist 
 habitually upon the child's taking time to make every deci- 
 sion, and then to regard the decision as a closed incident. 
 This, of course, does not mean that he will never reverse, but 
 it does mean that he will not perpetually be turning around 
 and regretting that he did not do something different. When 
 the boy has leisurely chosen his necktie, let him accustom 
 himself to turn resolutely away from the counter and not 
 come back wistfully to change his mind. Such decisions are 
 
MORE METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 not really decisions at all, and they create a frame of mind 
 which later leads to unnecessary misery. 
 
 While suggesting as we have that negative discipline is 
 crippling and that continually to say "Don't" to a child pro- 
 duces a child who cannot do, we need also to point out the 
 radical diflference between being told "Don't" and being able 
 to say "Don't" to one. While it often happens that he who 
 can refrain, postpone, deny himself, is accused of being weak- 
 willed, the fact is that it takes a high grade of will-power to 
 inhibit. The child who stormily insists upon having his own 
 way shows strong passions rather than a strong will, but until 
 we find a youth who can withhold from what he wants at the 
 command of duty or a higher want, we have not found one 
 whose will can be trusted alone. The children who showed a 
 guest some candy on a shelf and remarked naturally "After 
 lunch we may have it" were really stronger than the hero of 
 jam-closet depredations. Just as fast as we can transfer the 
 emphasis from "You must" to "I must," we are attaining 
 maturity for our offspring, and until that change comes, ma- 
 turity has not arrived. 
 
 Reasonable choice may often be combined with obedience 
 or acquiescence during the later grammar-school years by 
 pleasant mutual compacts that involve some optional element. 
 The habit of church-going, though important, grows harder 
 to maintain as maturity approaches. The parent, therefore, 
 agrees that each child shall choose one Sunday a month to 
 stay at home. The result, in the writer's experience, was that 
 the privilege was gratefully accepted and not taken advantage 
 of, while the quiet use made of the monthly home Sabbath 
 seemed to show a real physical necessity for it. So "swap- 
 ping off" chores, giving unexpected privileges after cheerful 
 performance of duty, centering social pleasures entirely on 
 Friday evenings, all tend to soften discipline with kindness and 
 yet put the willful child upon honor not to maltreat mercy. 
 
 [173] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 By the close of this period the writer is convinced that the 
 allowance, which we will suppose has been a regular and in- 
 creasing weekly amount covering all "extras," should now be- 
 come inclusive — that is, the weekly payment to the youth of 
 one fifty-second of his annual needs (not including food and 
 accidentals) so that he by this time becomes a junior partner 
 of the household, doing his regular and agreed chores and re- 
 ceiving his stipend as a due and not as an act of grace. The 
 value of this idea, which is really the expression of a principle, 
 not only financially, but morally, is expotuided in full in the 
 next part of this volume. 
 
 Parent and Teacher 
 Although we have been speaking of children of school years 
 we have talked entirely about home discipline. This 
 has been intentional, because the home is the place 
 where discipline ought to begin, continue and end. From 
 homes where there is good discipline the school expects little 
 trouble. A word ought to be said, however, about the co- 
 operation of parent and teacher in methods of government. 
 Often the attitude of the mother toward the teacher is that 
 of suspicion, and her idea of the purpose of a visit to school 
 is to "come and complain about Johnnie." But more often 
 the position is that of ignorance. "It is," says someone, "as 
 though two men would grow a hedge, one on eitbp.'- side, 
 trimming and shaping, never recognizing one another, nor 
 taking cognizance of the plan each might have in mind." 
 No mother ever had a good visit with a good teacher with- 
 out being amazed to find how many things she had discovered 
 about her child that she did not know before. She will also 
 find that her own task becomes much easier if she can both 
 learn something from the teacher about her methods of dis- 
 cipline and also co-operate in them. The wise parent ob- 
 serves that her child's teacher is a friendly expert, always 
 
 [174] 
 
MORE METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 at her service in the home problems as well as the school 
 problems. Teachers thus honored and prized learn not only 
 to know the child better as they know his home and mother, 
 but they are strengthened by such appreciation and co-opera- 
 tion to do wiser and better work with the child. 
 
 [175] 
 
CHAPTER XV 
 
 SEX DISCIPLINE 
 The Problem and the Period 
 
 During the grammar-school years the problem of sex dis- 
 cipline gradually changes. The child ceases to be monopo- 
 lized by the home and is moulded more by his school and 
 his chums. 
 
 Careful investigation shows that not more than one out of 
 ten boys reaches the age of twelve or thirteen without a com- 
 plete, although often unwholesome, knowledge of the facts 
 connected with human reproduction. It would be strange 
 if this were not true. When fairy tales and mythology, the 
 Bible and Shakespeare, the dictionary and the encyclopedia, 
 posters and advertisements, poetry and art, and the conver- 
 sation of children are full of these themes, it would be indeed 
 a blockhead who would not investigate them and a fool who 
 would not acquire some measure of information. As soon 
 as his sexual nature awakens, pictures, customs, dress and a 
 world of coarse masculine ideas are at hand to stimulate it. 
 He has come out of seclusion forever. 
 
 Unwholesome self-consciousness regarding these topics will 
 be slow to increase in the life of a wisely-instructed boy. It 
 is those who have been baffled in their search for knowledge 
 to whom the period of extraordinary sex-hunger is most 
 difficult. 
 
 The father who thinks it safe to wait until his boy is about 
 fourteen and immediately facing his personal problem will 
 generally be dismayed to discover that his son regards it 
 as a joke that anybody should be ignorant upon this vital 
 theme. 
 
 [176] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 To the boy who arrives at this age and who has been 
 refused exact information by his father, two feelings are pos- 
 sible: that of good-natured contempt which results if the 
 boy has sufifered no harm from being denied his right of 
 knowledge; that of cynical bitterness and suspicion if he has 
 suffered by this neglect. ' In the former case he will think 
 of his father as a coward and in the latter as a knave. 
 
 Whenever a suggestion is made to talk to boys and young 
 men as to the truth of life, we may generally expect to hear 
 the argument that there might be "some boy" in ignorance 
 of these facts "whose curiosity might be aroused and who 
 might be led into bad things" by such scientific instruction. 
 This saintly youth exists largely as a figment of the imag- 
 ination. "It is a crass delusion," states the author of a 
 pamphlet published by the Indiana State Board of Health, 
 "to believe that any boy can reach the age of fourteen or 
 fifteen, unless imbecilic, who has not acquired a pretty good 
 idea of the reproductive processes, and this supposititious 
 'saintly youth' should be sent to the scrap heap of pitiful 
 bogies." The similar idea that such a "saintly youth" can 
 get to manhood uncontaminated, simply because he has 
 spiritual ideals, unaccompanied by a knowledge of the facts 
 of life, is equally unthinkable. 
 
 Postponed explanation is difficult. It meets shame in the 
 child as well as in the parent. It is unnecessarily abrupt and 
 is apt to be isolated from the other facts of hfe. Confidence 
 in the parent not only makes the child believe what the 
 parent says and turn to him for more light, but gives him 
 courage to bring to him his failures as well as his questions. 
 
 The parents must accompany the child through his boy- 
 hood, endeavoring always to retain his confidence, to answer 
 his questions, to emphasize unmistakably by their conver- 
 sation and conduct the noblest personal ideals and, above 
 all, to try to live sympathetically near their child's level. 
 
 [177] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 Toward the end of this period the father will notice that his 
 son tends insensibly to turn toward himself rather than his 
 mother, and he realizes that it is "getting to be up to him," 
 because they two have the same sex class-consciousness. 
 There are several special problems in this period. 
 
 Self-abuse 
 
 The first concerns the development and possible misuse of 
 the sex organs. 
 
 Concerning this development the first fact to be com- 
 municated is that, according to many of our best physicians, 
 they have another use than the reproductive one: if not 
 abused it is their work to pour a continuous stream of 
 energy into the young life. "The testis," according to Dr. 
 Winfield S. Hall, "produces two forms of secretion, the in- 
 ternal secretion and the external secretion; the internal se- 
 cretion being absorbed, produces those male characteristics 
 which we group together under virility, while the external 
 secretion is used for procreation." Since there is nothing 
 which every normal boy desires more earnestly than to be a 
 virile, abounding type of man, the thought that he has the 
 power to become such by conserving his own resources is one 
 of the strongest stimuli toward self-control. 
 
 This positive attitude is the best antidote to the most 
 common dereliction of boyhood, the habit of handling the 
 personal sex organs. Concerning this difficulty a few sane 
 and reassuring words need to be spoken. Parents ought to 
 know that the habit is practically universal, at least as an 
 experiment, that it is practised with some frequency by the 
 great majority of lads, but that its occasion and results are 
 somewhat misunderstood. It usually has its origin among 
 uninstructed boys as an expression of curiosity concerning 
 the function of this organ, and the first occasion is quite 
 often the result of the accidental discovery that it is pleasura- 
 
 [178] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 ble. Sometimes it is learned by imitation, and therefore 
 sleeping with other children and unwatched familiarities 
 should be avoided. In all these cases it begins innocently. 
 To endeavor to check it by corporal punishment is only to 
 incite recourse to it later for comfort, and merely to scold a 
 child about it is only to puzzle him. Fear may drive the 
 lad to despair or, later, to other forms of impurity. Physi- 
 cians today are not emphasizing the physical harm of this 
 practise. They rather think of it as a nasty habit, a shame- 
 ful kind of selfish indulgence, a kind of arrest, limiting to 
 some extent the "nerve," the ambition and the stamina of a 
 growing boy. It appears to be common not, as we may 
 have supposed, among the most vigorous, but among the 
 weaker sort, which perhaps explains its prevalence among the 
 feeble-minded. And refinement is not a barrier to it, since 
 perhaps it is a disease of those who are softly nurtured, 
 overfed and indulged. Its availability encourages its devel- 
 opment and its secrecy prevents detection or rigorous 
 prevention. 
 
 A number of methods of cure may be applied, all positive 
 and inspiring. An athletic ideal is almost a panacea, when 
 accepted as voraciously as it usually is by a normal boy. To 
 get a boy "good and tired" Ts a help to make him literally 
 good. In general, we are trying to postpone the aggravation 
 of the sex impulse. Preoccupation, busyness, the sense of 
 responsibility, are all cognate self-preservative motives. The 
 broadest thoughts possible of manliness, pride, ambition, 
 must be encouraged. Instead of threatening the boy with 
 fatal results for his misconduct — ^which will not happen — ^we 
 should try to cause him to sense the joy of being clean. 
 The best motive of all — and we want to build his continence 
 on lasting foundations — is self-control. The boy who is 
 greedy today will almost surely be sensual tomorrow. The 
 idea that man's sexual function was given chiefly for personal 
 
 [179] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 enjoyment leads to a selfish view of all life. To this type 
 of boy the habit, instead of being, as some suppose, a sub- 
 stitute for fornication, leads directly to it later. The im- 
 portance of regarding the matter seriously at all now is 
 right here, that self-control of this function now, as of his 
 whole being, is the only adequate guarantee of a lifetime of 
 pure living. 
 
 The father, of course, must help. Let him hustle the boy 
 merrily out of bed as soon as he wakes in the morning, show 
 him how to enjoy a cold splash and rub, and keep him busy 
 all day. In this way he will safely get over the two danger- 
 points, the early morning, when there is a tendency to 
 languor and sensual dreaming, and the evening, when the 
 boy who is not healthily sleepy is again subject to temp- 
 tation. Let him not accuse his son of evil, but infer that he 
 expects nothing but good of him, and whenever he instructs 
 him, do so not in a superior way, but with the acknowledg- 
 ment that the fight is one that he himself knows all about. 
 The boy may not fully or always conquer, but under this 
 regiment he is quite certain to re-establish himself and have 
 the will to win. 
 
 Seminal Emissions 
 
 The second thing, which does not need to be communi- 
 cated until the very end of this period, is the fact of the 
 naturalness of seminal emissions. This phenomenon of late 
 boyhood is as startling to the uninstructed boy as is the first 
 menstruation to the uninstructed girl, and is calculated to 
 be as great a shock and terror. If he can learn that these 
 discharges are, if moderate in frequency, the sign of vigor 
 rather than of weakness, he will be delivered from the hands 
 of the quack and the scare-monger. They may be tempered 
 in frequency by an active physical life, especially by walk- 
 ing and gymnastics, by the frequent use of cold water, by 
 circumcision when necessary, and especially by the habit of 
 
 [180] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 pure thinking and pure reading. Where their effect is evi- 
 dently one of physical relief, they need cause the parent no 
 anxiety. Their occurrence is no doubt stimulated in an un- 
 wholesome way by all habits of self-indulgence, and it is 
 against these rather than the results that we should bend our 
 endeavors. 
 
 Sex Worries 
 The third problem which parents must face during these 
 years is that of morbid anxieties and worries in connection 
 with some phase of the sex-life. The fact that some worries 
 and anxieties do not apparently have this connection should 
 not cause the parent to forget that their rise is usually, 
 though obscurely, from this source. The most common mor- 
 bidness of thought is because of some fancied abnormality 
 of the physical life. Because of his ignorance or because 
 of his access to the literature of quacks or from some hint 
 dropped in the conversation of a chum, most boys at some 
 time or another get the impression that they are not right 
 physically. The slightest difference of size or shape of the 
 outer reproductive organs, a fancied pain, irritation or slug- 
 gishness, the magnified results to body or soul of self-abuse, 
 ignorance concerning the universality of seminal losses, and 
 most of all the genuine excitement, unrest and discomfort 
 of the sexual awakening, with its alternate moods of joy and 
 sorrow and its close relations to conscience and the moral 
 awakening — these constitute the well-known "storm and 
 stress period" of life. Because of a new touchiness and re- 
 serve the exact difficulty is hard to probe. A background 
 of confidence and of the frank communication of knowledge 
 and a foreground of considerateness, silent sympathy and 
 optimism will add peace to the landscape. 
 
 Further Instruction 
 The fourth problem is that of further sex-instruction. It 
 
 [i8i] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 is usually hardly necessary during the years of boyhood to 
 give more than an intimation as to the filth-diseases which 
 are the wages of sin, and then chiefly, not to scare the boy, 
 since continence built on fear is often cowardly, but to sug- 
 gest that he avoid, for the sake of the family health, any 
 contamination by contact with places and persons who are 
 thus affected. Actual immorality among boys of this age 
 is unusual. When it occurs it is usually because of the ad- 
 vances of older, immoral girls. There are some communities 
 where the frequency of such perversions ig such that parents 
 feel themselves obliged to take precautions and give in- 
 structions which would ordinarily not be required until several 
 years later. 
 
 Throughout this period it is impossible to say too much 
 about the effect of the thoughts upon the life. Truly, out 
 of the heart are the issues of life, and the Master was right 
 when he placed sin in the lustful thought rather than in the 
 act. The boy who thinks himself clean because his acts do 
 not offend, but who indulges impure day-dreams, is not only 
 weakening his stamina, but he is feeding a wild beast whom 
 some day he will not be able to tame. 
 
 As to further information concerning the facts of life, needs 
 vary. In general, it is necessary to make some sort of re- 
 view of the subject at times, to be sure that the child has 
 retained clearly in mind the import of the main facts. We 
 want to leave him no sex worries. He should know chastely 
 the main physical differences of the sexes, consonant with 
 their different functions in reproduction, he should be aware 
 that there are unfortunate women who make a hire of their 
 bodies and men who are so debased as to prostitute their 
 own powers by unclean approaches to women and even to 
 boys and he should appreciate that his mother and sister are 
 periodically in a condition which requires especially tender 
 care and that the reason his girl playmates sometimes break 
 
 [182] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 engagements with him or seem otherwise perverse is often 
 due to the same cause. He should learn to ignore the ad- 
 vertisements of the quack and to refuse books upon the sub- 
 ject, since his parents have access to better ones. It will 
 probably be impossible to prevent his talking over some of 
 these matters with his chum, but this will not be especially 
 harmful if he can be kept in the habit of talking them over 
 at home also. 
 
 [183] 
 
CHAPTER XVI 
 
 RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 There are at least four interesting tasks which most con- 
 cern parents in the religious training of boys and girls 
 between the ages of seven and fourteen, the years usually 
 embraced in the common schools. These four will be treated 
 in this chapter. 
 
 The first is the task of will-training by habit-forming; the 
 second, that of helping the child to master a code, or, in 
 other words, teaching him what is right; the third, that of 
 helping him in his relations with others; the fourth, that of 
 assisting in the training of his feelings. 
 
 Will Training by Habit Forming 
 We have already discussed this at some length, but we 
 wish now to do so particularly from two standpoints: the 
 relation to religion of all habits, and the desirability of the 
 continued practice of what are known as the distinctly 
 religious habits. 
 
 The importance of right personal habits is often disre- 
 garded. The fact that they are great in their meaning and 
 that they are distinctly religious in their character is not 
 always appreciated. Take, for example, some of the homely 
 personal habits and think what they mean. Neatness, in 
 its deepest sense, is respect for work; cleanness is respect 
 for the body; punctuality is respect for time; accuracy is 
 respect for truth; personal hygiene is respect for the future. 
 These are not only great virtues and religious virtues, but 
 they are to be life virtues. 
 
 Our appreciation of their importance, even at its lowest, 
 
 [184] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 is naturally greater than that of our children. Pretty nearly 
 every act of the child in early boyhood or girlhood is im- 
 pelled by pleasure or personal advantage, and personal ad- 
 vantage and pleasure are not easily apparent in exercising 
 these virtues. The child has not the knowledge to realize 
 what they may mean to him in after life and he has not at 
 this time that sense of shame which in after years becomes 
 such a potent influence in causing him to conform to the 
 customs of adults. 
 
 We can do something by suggestion. We may do some- 
 thing by calling on the child for imitation, since the chief 
 factor in the formation of the child's character during these 
 early years is the influence of real, actually-observed human 
 beings in action. We must finally depend a good deal upon 
 firmness, which is by no means the same as nagging, but a 
 calm, impersonal and steady pressure of authority. 
 
 Next to the personal habits, the religious observances 
 claim our attention. We must not expect too much religious 
 feeling from a young child, for as G. Walter Fiske has 
 acutely put it, those who try to make children religious 
 precociously are not fishers of men but scoopers of minnows. 
 "How," asks Milton S. Littlefield, "can we expect a child to 
 be reformed when he is yet unformed?" But he may easily 
 learn to assume, among his personal habits, that of defer- 
 ential demeanor in sacred places and at sacred times. 
 
 Something has been said earlier about our duty in teach- 
 ing prayers to children. Such prayers must be closely re- 
 lated to the child's own experience and feeling. We must 
 be careful what we teach children about prayer. It is un- 
 fortunate to emphasize the personal benefits which may be 
 received in direct response to petition. The young child is 
 in the wonder stage of his existence and is inclined to be 
 credulous of even more than he is told. If he comes to think 
 of prayer as chiefly beggary, he will soon find that all his 
 
 [ ^85 ] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 selfish petitions are not answered, and that he has been 
 brought to the intellectual dilemma of thinking either that 
 God is not the answerer of prayer or else that his parents 
 were deceived as to the real nature of God. It is especially 
 important, during the self-regarding days of childhood, to 
 emphasize in prayer two elements — that of thankfulness and 
 that of communion. If the child will form the habit of bring- 
 ing to God his happinesses as well as his wants, and if he 
 can learn that prayer is not a thing of set places and times 
 but is the privilege of regular and steady communion, it will 
 gradually become not a mere observance but a vital factor 
 in his forming religious experience. The child who is told 
 that God will be his helper chiefly in doing hard things 
 bravely and in overcoming himself will, if he persists in shap- 
 ing his petitions to such an end, soon come to ratify these 
 facts in his own experience. "A boy comes to beUeve in God 
 personally," says a wise friend of young people, "because 
 in the hour of his soul's stress he has to have God's help 
 in overcoming his temptations and because he finds that 
 help coming into his life in answer to his own sincere 
 prayer." 
 
 The child's prayer should grow as the child grows. Dr. 
 Hodges says: "When the children begin to go to school, 
 the time may be taken as an opportunity to revise their 
 prayers. And the same may be done when they are ready to 
 pass out of the lower grades into the high school. In this 
 way, the deepening and enriching of religion is a natural 
 accompaniment to the progress of their education." 
 
 An English schoolmaster gives this experience: "I have 
 often known boys to come to school who, at the age of 
 thirteen, have never said, and have never been advised to 
 say, more than the Lord's Prayer and 'Gentle Jesus, meek 
 and mild.' Very excellent were such prayers for them at the 
 age of four or five, but now they need to be supplemented 
 
 [i86] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 if they are to be in touch with the boy's life; for unless 
 prayer develops in harmony with the developing of life, its 
 spiritual influence is in danger of being unfelt." 
 
 Amoiig suitable and helpful religious observances one feels 
 like emphasizing afresh what is said to be the obsolescent 
 institution of family worship. Some of us feel that we haven't 
 the time and others are shy of their ability to lead such 
 exercises. But surely the parent who feels himself incapa- 
 ble of conducting devotional exercises in his home could at 
 least establish the custom of having Quaker grace at table, 
 and could have a regular, if not daily or weekly, service 
 of sacred song, if not of prayer, which should become a 
 family tradition and be the expression of the household's 
 thanksgiving. 
 
 Another religious observance is that of reading the Bible 
 and other religious literature. Some children seem to re- 
 spond with pleasure as well as with profit to daily and regular 
 habits of this sort. Others appreciate being read to by the 
 mother personally or at family worship. 
 
 At least three difficulties suggest themselves in connec- 
 tion with the habit of Bible reading by young children. The 
 first is that all of the parts of the Bible are not equally 
 suitable for young children. Dr. Theodore G. Soares has 
 called attention to the fact that if we understand children it 
 is not hard for us to discover what portions of the Bible are 
 real for them. He suggests such a selection. A large part 
 of the first seventeen books of the Bible has satisfactory 
 material. These, especially the writings from the prophetic 
 historians, contain great tales for children. On the other 
 hand, the sermons and prophecies of the Old Testament are 
 difficult reading. The Law, too, with the exception of the 
 Decalogue and some few moral and charitable command- 
 ments, is away from the interests of children. The same is 
 true of the rituals. Some of the Psalms, especially those of 
 
 [187] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 personal experience, strike a responsive chord in the child's 
 soul, but those which deal with the social wrongs of Israel 
 will not appeal to him until he, comes to the social period 
 of his life. A boy's book of Proverbs would contain half 
 the present collection and would be a desirable text-book. 
 The mystery of the Apocalypses of both Old and New Tes- 
 tament must be left until maturity. In the Gospels again we 
 have splendid story-material, bringing the sensitive heart of 
 the child close to the great Master. New Testament history, 
 so far as it includes hero-material, will be somewhat efifective. 
 The letters of Paul are beyond the child. Dr. Newton M. 
 Hall has done a service by compiling a graded Bible en- 
 titled "The Golden Book," in which he has made a distinct 
 endeavor to place in order suited to the development of the 
 child those portions of the Bible which have the deepest 
 meaning to his soul. 
 
 A second difficulty in Bible reading, especially as a child 
 approaches high-school age, is that by this time the Bible 
 has become trite. Deep as our reverence may be for the 
 Scriptures themselves, we are certainly making a dangerous 
 intellectual experiment in reiterating their phrases to the 
 child everywhere at home, in Sunday school and in church. 
 The mind after a time refuses to absorb that which it has 
 heard so often and few young people arrive at adolescence 
 without thinking they know as much about the Bible as they 
 want to. Of course there are a good many new things which 
 can be taught about the Bible, even to a cocksure American 
 youngster. We can relieve this difficulty if we present the 
 Bible to children of grammar-school years in a new form, 
 as in finely-illustrated editions, in separate books furnished 
 with interpretative notes, and especially in fresh versions, 
 such as "The Modern Speech New Testament" and that 
 charming edition prepared by William Wye Smith called 
 "The New Testament in Braid Scots." 
 
 [i88] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 The greatest trouble is that we adults cannot seem to 
 teach the Bible without being determined to moralize about it. 
 One of the distinguishing features of the Biblical stories is 
 that they never close with the phrase "This fable teaches." 
 They never "tag a moral to a tale." The child who learns 
 to enjoy the Bible for its stories, as dramatic episodes, as 
 poetry — in short, as literature — cannot escape, as none have 
 ever been able to escape, its deep moral implications. 
 
 The problem of Sunday observance is an important, yet a 
 difficult one, in the lives of many growing children. It is 
 important because we recognize Sunday as our great day of 
 privilege, the day for joy, recreation and compensation. The 
 diffiiculty is to make it such to lively youngsters without 
 causing it to cease to be such to their parents and to the 
 neighborhood. In general, we shall be more successful if 
 we emphasize the privileges and joy of the Sabbath rather 
 than deal with it negatively. It is a day of freedom rather 
 than a day for repression. There are perhaps three ele- 
 ments in a good Sabbath for children — change, rest and 
 uplift. 
 
 One of the most sensible ways to make a Sunday change 
 is in the way of food. Even the saints are described in the 
 New Testament as sitting at a table in Paradise. A change 
 of play is a happy resource on Sunday. The recognition of 
 the presence of children in the Hebrew family is not more 
 beautifully seen than in the Old Testament laws, the tenor 
 of which is that man must not work but may play on the 
 Sabbath. In order to give particular relish to the things 
 provided for Sunday, we should reserve them for this one 
 day of the week. If there is anything new in the home let 
 it make its first appearance on Sunday; the new phonograph 
 record, the new dress, the new piece of music the daughter 
 has memorized, the new joke the son has heard, a fresh blos- 
 som on some household plant, the just-completed handiwork. 
 
 [189] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 Another agreeable Sunday change is for the family to do 
 things together. In our modern busy households, mealtime 
 is the longest consecutive period when the whole family is 
 together, except on Sunday. One therefore feels like recom- 
 mending for the Sabbath certain tasks which can be wrought 
 out by father and the children around the fireplace. 
 
 Parents are probably in more need of rest on Sunday 
 than are their children, yet children, too, grow weary, 
 especially after Saturday play. The only point is that 
 they take their rest in a different fashion from their elders. 
 Rest for the youngster does not consist exclusively in lying 
 down. What rests a child is not the attempt to stop the 
 machinery of life but the turning of the vital force into new 
 channels. Nobody seems to have much to say about what 
 boys can do on Sunday. Their interest in Bible puzzles is 
 apt to wane after a time, and any use of the day which keeps 
 mother busy in furnishing entertainment is as bad for the 
 boy as it is for the mother. One good plan, especially for 
 winter time, is to let the boys "fix up" their rooms on Sun- 
 day. I say "fix up" rather than "clean up" for obvious rea- 
 sons. This is a good time also for collections and for quiet 
 hospitality in the children's rooms. It will not tire the boys 
 and it will rest their mothers if they form the regular habit 
 of preparing and serving the Sunday evening meal. 
 
 As to the problem of uplift on Sunday for boys, we get 
 perhaps the best definition of the religious purpose of the 
 day from that line of Burns: "They tune their hearts, by 
 far the noblest aim." But how can we tune the hearts of 
 boys to better things on Sundays? The first question that 
 arises is that of Sunday church-going. Sunday school, as we 
 have indicated above, is a poor substitute for church service. 
 In the church of the modern spirit the church service is not 
 in such contrast with nature that church-going seems to the 
 children like imprisonment. The service is dramatic and is 
 
 [190] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 enlivened by the singing of children's choirs and by a ser- 
 mon or story to the young people. Children of the age 
 which we are discussing in this chapter seldom rebel against 
 this habit if it is established early. 
 
 It can hardly be claimed that the Sunday newspaper is an 
 opportunity for Sunday uplift. Some parents take special 
 pains to bring cheerful, as well as instructive, literature into 
 the home by borrowing on Saturday from the public library 
 enough good books to last the family throughout the day. 
 Others buy the Sunday morning paper but destroy the 
 colored supplement. Still others make the sensible rule that 
 the Sunday paper shall not be read in the home after ten 
 o'clock on Sunday morning. Others lay it away until Mon- 
 day. The greatest objection to the Sunday paper is that 
 stated by G. Stanley Hall, namely, that it causes those who 
 read it to "strike the key-note of the day on a low level." 
 
 The best method of keeping Sunday on a high level is 
 that of companionship with parents. In the household 
 where Sunday is regarded primarily as a clan day, a house- 
 hold day, and is so observed from early childhood, with the 
 familiar and resourceful co-operation of all, the young peo- 
 ple later are less likely to show disloyalty to their clan 
 either by deserting them or putting them to shame on Sun- 
 day. Sunday is certainly Father's Day. It is the day when 
 a generous-spirited father recognizes his privilege in giving 
 his wife a chance for some rest and solitude and in which 
 he steps forward and learns to know his children. The Sun- 
 day afternoon walk with father might almost be regarded 
 as an American institution. In many families there is a club, 
 of which father or mother is the president, which meets 
 every Sunday afternoon, perhaps in the attic, where "Sun- 
 day best" toys and books are laid away for the purpose, or 
 around the piano, where an entertainment is furnished to 
 which each contributes at least one item. 
 
 [191] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 The best opportunity for creating a religious atmosphere 
 in the home on Sunday is that which comes through service 
 to others. If Sunday afternoon is given to a walk in which a 
 visit is made on the sick or suffering, it certainly furnishes 
 more wholesome inspiration than does even the formal re- 
 ligious exercises, and any day so spent is more pleasing to 
 the God who loves mercy and not sacrifice. "Then," says 
 Dr. Hodges, "if the day close with singing of hymns and the 
 benediction of quiet music, it ends well." 
 
 We turn now from the discussion of mere religious habits 
 to that of definite duties and acts of service. The writer 
 believes that such duties and service are possible even to 
 quite young children, if only they be graded to their capacity. 
 As we have said, early childhood is a self-regarding period, 
 and at first the boy may have no higher aim than that of 
 learning by experience that he can get more for himself by 
 doing something for others. Whatever work is given a 
 young boy to do should be simple, so that he may secure 
 immediate results and the encouragement of success. He 
 needs praise, too, not extravagant but kindly. Parents are 
 more successful in training their children in habits of work 
 if they are ingenious in arranging that much of it shall be 
 done in the spirit of play. What drudgery has to do with 
 religion is just this: the principal part of a child's religion con- 
 sists in the daily doing of duty. 
 
 Every boy ought to be trained to help his mother, even 
 in household tasks, which are too often associated solely 
 with the life of girls. In these days when grown men are 
 proud of their skill in housekeeping, cooking and camping, 
 it is not humiliating to a boy to learn to practice these 
 arts when he is a child. Then there is the care of pets and 
 of the flowers, and soon that of the younger children. 
 Charles Lamb spoke with some bitterness of "the coxcombry 
 of taught charity," but he must have had in mind those pre- 
 
 [192] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 tences at doing good to which children in the earlier days 
 were too often indentured. Children soon learn the pleasure 
 of giving to the sick their flowers or goodies and their sympa- 
 thetic attention. They are never happier than in exploiting 
 their early skill in handicraft through gifts at Christmas for 
 those they love, even spending months in eager preparation, or 
 in ministering to children in foreign lands by pictures, scrap- 
 books, etc., so long as the needs of these distant comrades 
 have been made childlike. They respond also, if the appeal 
 be suitable, to times of self-denial, and the lenten season is 
 an occasion which may from very early days have a depth of 
 meaning to young children, provided the objects of their 
 sacrifice and benevolence be those which have aroused their 
 sympathy and devotion. 
 
 Throughout all this study of patient control in the making 
 of good habits, we see an underlying principle — that of con- 
 formity to law. The child, as has so often been said, is in 
 the Old Testament period of his life. The impression which 
 comes to us from that magnificent volume is that of the 
 majesty of obedience. Our strong effort must be always to 
 make obedience majestic. As we have said, even the small, 
 minor habits of convenience and order are a form of rev- 
 erence to some of the great facts of life. It will not be 
 long before opportunity will come to show the restive boy 
 that not he only, but all, have to obey. The command to 
 which he is obedient is not the mere fiat of his father; it 
 is part of the eternal law of God. Opportunities will come 
 to persuade the wondering child that even father and mother 
 also have to obey. And little children are glad to be 
 obedient. They like authority if they get it early and if it 
 is loving and fair. 
 
 Thus it is that experiences in duty-doing and conformity to 
 law are made into the substance of life. They grow gradually, 
 like living stones, into ideals and prejudices — ^and our preju- 
 
 [ 193 1 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 dices are part of the life stuff, too — ^which make foundations 
 for stones that are added later. 
 
 Mastering a Code 
 
 "Children act morally," says Swift, "long before they know 
 why they do so. The discussion of principles of conduct 
 comes later. Indeed, it is a mistake to make boys and 
 girls over-conscious of ethical motives. For this reason a 
 period set apart for moral instruction is likely to be dis- 
 astrous," This is true enough, but a child does not inherit 
 the Decalogue. If he is going to do right he must learn to 
 know what right is, and not only what it is but how it is 
 done; in other words, he must acquire the technique of 
 righteousness. 
 
 This may come, as has been shown in a previous chapter, 
 by means of stories, and now, not only by stories but also 
 by the child's own reading. The great hero tales and adven- 
 ture stories of the Bible and of other literature mould im- 
 pressions of the greatness of special virtues. If we can be 
 somewhat ingenious, too, with realistic narratives appropriate 
 to the moment, we lay hold upon an adroit instrument of 
 moral handicraft. 
 
 A great deal of good is done in the child world by means 
 of talking. A patient conversation between mother and child 
 calls up real moral qualities. It is sometimes wise to argue 
 through a matter whose justice the child has not clearly 
 seen. It is often reasonable to reiterate until he is convinced. 
 On the whole, before the age of thoughtful reasoning we 
 may generally be short and dogmatic. Dr. G. Stanley Hall 
 allows some room here for the old-fashioned scolding. Only 
 optimistic children thrive under these violent rain storms. 
 
 The next method of giving a child a moral code is that 
 of direct ethical teaching. There are some authorities who 
 allow little place for it in a child's life, but there are few 
 
 [ 194 ] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 who would minimize it if it could be successfully done. The 
 difficulties are obvious. It is hard to teach life out of a book. 
 There is often a keen opposition between doses and duties, 
 and sometimes between diet and duties. "The high pulpit 
 method," as it has been called, itself puts a barrier between 
 the parent and the child. It must, however, have some valid- 
 ity or else the "foolishness of preaching" would never have 
 been effective. Perhaps adult sermons suggest how direct 
 ethical teaching is helpful. They probably seldom convict 
 of truth which has not already been partially known or ac- 
 cepted. They are chiefly helpful in three ways: to clarify 
 the mind; to confirm in opinions already half-formed; and 
 to inspire with hope. Suppose we take these as elements 
 of whatever ethical teaching is attempted in the home or 
 Sunday school or public school. The next time you have 
 occasion to try to teach a child, please endeavor to remember 
 the three things you are trying to do: to help him to see 
 more clearly, to believe more strongly and to work more 
 hopefully for the right. 
 
 The value of direct ethical teaching well done is unmis- 
 takable. Every child needs for future service a store of 
 facts, ideas and principles. "When the true revival does 
 come, the laying up from within his being, in adolescence," 
 says McKeever, "he will be already furnished with the re- 
 ligious acts necessary to give expression to the new feelings." 
 The splendid memory powers during these fruitful years 
 cause the child to retain moral facts and ideas as at no other 
 period in life. 
 
 But a boy is not entirely passive as to morals. His con- 
 science is not a duck's back, impervious to water, upon which 
 we pour in vain an irrigating stream. The task, as someone 
 has said, is not to discover God but to name him. Or, as 
 Henderson puts it: "We are not, Hke God in Eden, to fashion 
 a man out of the clay of the ground, and breathe into him our 
 
 [195] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 own spirit and make him after our own likeness. The man is 
 already there in embryo, and it is our high office to clear away 
 both spiritual and physical obstructions and limitations, and 
 to help our man-child develop into something more admirable 
 than any of us have been able to foresee." 
 
 The essential thing in direct moral teaching at this period 
 is that it should be concrete. "The trick is," as Thomas J. 
 MacCormack, a school man, has lately said, "so to shape a 
 given situation that the interest in the problem springs from 
 the student and not from the teacher." And in another place 
 he adds, "The crises that occur in moral life supply far more 
 realistic environment and offer far more piquant material for 
 ethical exploitation than tales of the vanished kingdom of 
 Syria." The only value of the Bible or any other text- 
 book in direct moral teaching is that it enables the boy to 
 face the great moral experiences in turn in the lives of 
 others. 
 
 We have said that such teaching must be explicit, but it 
 must not be too dogmatic. What the boy wants is not a 
 ready-made faith, not entirely a code, but most of all — room 
 to grow. We must see that our teaching, no matter how 
 explicit, has lots of room in it. E. A. Kirkpatrick has given 
 us what seems to be a pretty fair discrimination as to the 
 various contributions which a boy's friends make to his char- 
 acter. His teachers, so Kirkpatrick thinks, contribute to his 
 social relations. From his parents he gets the fundamentals 
 — ^justice, patience, sympathy, kindness, reverence, love. From 
 his chums come social qualities and the direct application of 
 his ethical mind in the laboratory of life. They both 
 strengthen his individuality and encourage altruism. Adult 
 friends supplement all this. 
 
 There is no doubt that the home must take a more earnest 
 and intelligent attitude toward the Sunday school. Instead of 
 being willing to relegate the religious education of its young 
 
 [196] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 people to that institution, it ought to regard the Sunday 
 school as simply supplementary to the home. In spite of all 
 the serious and wise endeavors that are being made to im- 
 prove the course of study and the quality of the teachers, we 
 may as well face the fact that it will always be impossible for 
 a child to get a satisfactory religious education in an institu- 
 tion which holds his attention for not more than a half-hour 
 each week. The best thing that the Sunday school has to 
 give, no matter how well equipped it is or how good are its 
 text-books, is the personality of its teachers, and the parents 
 are indeed fortunate who may be sure that they have found a 
 teacher for their child who is thoroughly good, faithful and 
 sympathetic. Such an one, meeting the child freshly and 
 upon the ground of a joyous common interest in the Sunday 
 school or the social club of the church, may be the means, 
 during certain critical years, of doing more for the child's 
 development than his parents, who provide sustenance but 
 who are sometimes removed from his appreciation by the 
 necessity of discipline. 
 
 Relations with Others 
 The social bonds of childhood are always bonds of play. 
 Something has been said already about the value of play in 
 character development. We may go even further and say 
 that in childhood play is an integral part of the child's reli- 
 gion. "The very things that Christ forbids," says Coe, 
 "which center in undue self-love are the very things which 
 destroy play, while the things that He commends which centre 
 in social group activities are the very things that keep play 
 going at its highest." I have been told that there is an aris- 
 tocratic type of dog that will not eat the humble dog-biscuit 
 usually provided for its race, unless it is moulded into the 
 shape of a bone. Then he plays with it, and afterwards con- 
 sumes it gladly. The child, too, likes to play with his food, 
 
 [197] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 and — if the figure be not irreverent — he would fain play even 
 with the bread of life before he accepts it as nourishment. 
 
 But the limitations of play are distinct. Even at its best 
 it involves only one type of renunciation — namely, that which 
 is made for the sake of one's friends. Fair play may involve 
 respect, but its most ardent advocate could hardly claim that 
 it involves love, for one's enemies. 
 
 We have been contending that this is a self-regarding 
 period. The characteristic of games at this period is their 
 strong tendency toward competition. Competition in play 
 stimulates the desire to be a leader, to excel, and if we can 
 only make the aims of effort high enough we can turn this 
 competing instinct to moral uses. 
 
 Beginning at about the age of ten and continuing very 
 strongly until at least seventeen, the gang spirit practically 
 takes possession of the boy's leisure time. It not only absorbs 
 his interests, but it adopts a code and becomes an expression 
 of his ideals. Never is the child so sensitive to what others 
 think of him as at this period. But the others whose opin- 
 ion he values are in inverse ratio to their age and wisdom. 
 
 "No matter how angelic a boy may be before his elders," 
 says Arthur Holmes, "if boys pronounce him bad his doom is 
 sealed before the final tribunal. No matter how bad a boy 
 may be before his elders, if boys say he is good, let the world 
 withhold its harshness. A volume could easily be filled from 
 the experiences of social workers showing that boys who have 
 lost all citizenship rights in the artificial world but who are 
 loyally upheld by their fellow citizens in the real world, are 
 good at bottom and some day, when their chance comes, will 
 show the superior nobility of their souls in some magnani- 
 mous act." There are certain years, therefore, when, if we 
 wish to affect a boy toward righteousness, it is not half so 
 important who are the adults whom he knows as who are the 
 companions of his own years with whom he plays. There is 
 
 [198] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE. 
 
 no greater religious duty than for us to know and be fre- 
 quently in the fellowship of these chums. "The greatest 
 problem in the moral education of children today," says J. 
 Edgar Park, "is the selfishness of parents. They do not like 
 their children well enough to be friends with them." He 
 might have added that they do not like their children well 
 enough to be friends with their chums. It is inconceivable 
 that a boy should pass through an entirely wholesome 
 moral experience with the companions of his own age 
 without the knowledge and chaperonage of his father or 
 mother. 
 
 Earnest parents are giving much thought to the problems 
 connected with the social amusements of their young people. 
 They recognize that instead of easily accepting the conven- 
 tional list of taboos from the past they must try to discover 
 what are the actually dangerous amusements toward which, 
 at the present time, young people are being tempted; and 
 they recognize, too, that they must meet these dangers not by 
 denunciation so much as by replacing them with more whole- 
 some pleasures. This matter is so important that a few fur- 
 ther and definite words may well be spoken. 
 
 Three forms of amusement have traditionally been placed 
 under suspicion: cards, dancing and the theater. When one 
 realizes how large a part pleasure plays in the life of young 
 people, we may be somewhat dismayed to realize that these 
 embrace almost all the available and regular types of amuse- 
 ment in the ordinary community, and we are at some loss to 
 know what to substitute for them. Stripped of some unfor- 
 tunate associations, they also seem to represent the funda- 
 mental as well as the most varied forms of amusement: cards, 
 the rigor of spirited intellectual contest, the joy of facing 
 contingencies and the opportunity for relaxation from pres- 
 sure ; dancing, the joy of grace, motion and care-free social 
 intercourse between the sexes; and the theater, the study, 
 
 [199] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 through the mimic world, of human problems, and restfulness, 
 by means of visions in the house of dreams and of scenes that 
 relieve this life's monotony or gild its commonplaces. The 
 home that has no word for these ancient and racial sources 
 of joy but a frowning "No" is hardly meeting and solving the 
 real situation. The child who is not permitted any of these 
 pleasures is practically ostracized from the inner social Ufe 
 of his chums. The merely negative attitude is never satis- 
 fying. A sufficient amount of chloroform, properly admin- 
 istered, will make any boy good, but chloroform is not a 
 nourishing diet for young people of all ages. The home that 
 would substitute other amusements for these has a task of 
 infinite patience. The home that uses one or all of these for 
 purposes of righteousness has indeed a delicate, skilful, but 
 inspiring and hopeful opportunity. 
 
 Let one who has faced these problems as a pastor and 
 social worker, as well as a father, state what seems to him 
 the probable attitude of many Christian homes, at least in 
 the near future, an attitude at which many of them have al- 
 ready arrived. It may be put in this wise: "We will not 
 manufacture sins. To play games of skill or chance, to dance 
 under proper restriction, to go to clean dramatic entertain- 
 ments, are not essentially wrong. These pleasures are often 
 misused, but they are too influential, too important, too val- 
 uable and indeed, too capable of fine uses to be either blindly 
 opposed, or foolishly ignored, or blandly tolerated. It is the 
 business of the home not to allow the commercializing of 
 pleasure to degrade or deprive our young people. We must 
 study these pleasures ; we must use them as they ought to be 
 used, and we must make them help, not hurt, our boys and 
 girls." 
 
 In the statements that follow some wise and earnest people 
 will be unable to accord the writer their agreement, for the 
 matter is truly a most complex and delicate one. 
 
 [ 200 ] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 Cards 
 It is possible to keep cards in their proportionate place in 
 life. For young children, they are, like "Authors" and 
 "Parcheesi" a merry play with chance; for young people, 
 occasionally, though not regularly, they are a bond for home 
 parties. They are not a fitting profession for men nor an 
 appropriate steady afternoon vocation for women. They are 
 serviceable to pass the time on long rail journeys and on a 
 restless evening after a crowded day. The abuse of them is 
 a mark of intellectual rather than moral deficiency. The 
 author learned to play cards after he was married in order 
 to teach them to his sons. They have become a matter of 
 course with them and he has watched with pleasure their 
 growing indifference to them as they have outgrown them. 
 His sons cannot conceive how they can be wrong. They have 
 become eliminated as a form of temptation from their lives. 
 
 Dancing 
 Dr. Hugo Mtinsterbierg recently summed up the debits 
 and credits of dancing. He reminded us that because Amer- 
 ica now seems dance-crazy we are not to forget that this an- 
 cient art, which originally sprang out of religion, probably 
 has its values. He recognizes its dangers frankly, which are 
 these : the excitement, the hypnotic lulling of the intellect and 
 the will-weakening, all of which are produced by movement 
 to rhythm; the moral peril of erotic expression in the more 
 recent forms of dancing, and the contagiousness of its appeal, 
 which extends its influence beyond all reasonable bounds. 
 On the other hand, he enumerates, as the credits of dancing: 
 the fact that it is a discharge of stored-up energy; that it 
 furnishes to those who are weary and overstrained a relaxa- 
 tion of joy, reasonably limited by elaborate rules and by 
 beautiful and artistic expression, which is needed in a mate- 
 rialistic age. "Our social conscience must be wide awake; it 
 
 [201] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 will not be blind fate which will decide whether we shall meet 
 the lady or the tiger." 
 
 This seems to be a pretty fair summing-up. Dr. Munster- 
 berg, however, did not have young people of high-school age 
 particularly in mind, and concerning dancing as it applies to 
 them a further word ought to be said. The principal and per- 
 petual objection to the dance is because of its erotic influence. 
 To many, the physical contact of the sexes that is involved is 
 somewhat shocking. If one felt sure that such influence and 
 contact would be discouraged by abolishing the dance, all 
 good people might unite in a movement to do so. While we 
 may agree with Joseph Lee "that love-making is not properly 
 a routine occupation," it will be foolish to deny that the 
 primal forces exist in every normal boy and girl. This mutual 
 attraction, which has in it not only physical attraction but 
 the continuation of the race and the perpetuation of the fam- 
 ily, is as he insists, not a power to be decried or fought 
 against. Courtship plays were among the first forms of 
 pleasure. Informal social relationships between the sexes 
 are always bound to exist. Their expressions may take the 
 form of kissing games or of undesirable license in private ac- 
 quaintance, but they cannot be and ought not to be entirely 
 suppressed. It seems to be the important and delicate duty 
 of the world of parenthood to chaperone the acquaintanceship 
 and familiarities of the young in a way to give them the full- 
 est opportunity for sane pleasure, while protecting them from 
 the activities of uncontrolled passion. 
 
 Dancing is probably the mo6t skilful way of turning the 
 instinct for physical contact toward wholesomeness that 
 could be invented. Its conventionalities and gallantries and 
 the very difficulties of mastering its technique are themselves 
 a barrier against impure thoughts and its publicity in itself 
 is protective. The sex element is by no means the only one 
 involved in dancing. It includes striving for emotional ex- 
 
 [ 202 ] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 pression and the most perfect development of rhythm imag- 
 inable through physical activity. Children should be taught 
 dancing before the sex-instinct becomes conscious, as an 
 exercise of grace and joy in motion. 
 
 The home ought to guard the character of the places and 
 occasions where dancing takes place, the company that gath- 
 ers and the costumes that are worn. It ought to be vigilant 
 chiefly as to two matters : the character of the dancing schools 
 and of the dance parties attended by its young people. It 
 is perfectly feasible, as the author knows from experience, to 
 arrange that nearly all dances attended by the young people 
 of the home shall be in homes and shall include only per- 
 sons with whom the parents are well acquainted. There is 
 some relief to the situation in the revival of folk dancing 
 and figure dancing and of the festival, and yet there is a sense 
 of humor surrounding the childishness of "sowing barley" 
 and performing other primitive occupations to music which 
 contrasts somewhat unfavorably with the elaborate appoint- 
 ments and accessories of a home dancing party. There are 
 many finer ways of spending the time than in dancing; a vig- 
 orous and varied social life in the home may make it less 
 necessary. On the whole, however, the author believes that 
 there are perfectly psychological reasons for holding that 
 dancing may be made a relief to sex stress rather than a 
 means for its excitement. 
 
 The Theater 
 The theater today is manifesting great power both to bless 
 and to curse humanity. The American stage, completely 
 commercialized, disgusts its friends as often as it does its 
 enemies. The values of the drama, however, mentally, intel- 
 lectually and morally, are so great that one should hesitate 
 before prohibiting them to the young people in whom one 
 feels an interest. It is quite possible by such advance re- 
 
 [203] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 views as are published in the periodical Life and in the better 
 metropolitan newspapers, for parents to know the character 
 of the entertainments which are offered in local playhouses. 
 Parents should, as far as possible, accompany their children 
 to the theater, and if not, they should see the plays which 
 their boys see or else know about them pretty thoroughly. 
 A play which involves a disagreeable or objectionable scene 
 may lose its unwholesomeness if it is talked over afterwards 
 at home. Here comes the opportunity to discriminate to 
 the child between fine acting and mere rant, between the 
 underlying sophistry of a false situation and the feeling of the 
 thrill of a splendid moral climax. 
 
 The theatrical situation in the average small American 
 city is usually deplorable. The acting is second or third- 
 class and the plays are either lurid melodrama or the refuse 
 of the sex drama of Broadway. Of the two, melodrama is 
 more desirable because, while it is untrue to real life, it satis- 
 fies the emotional element in the boy and is generally moral 
 to the very acme of propriety. Some parents make their 
 annual visit to the great city a special opportunity of 
 giving their children a treat of noble plays performed by 
 noble players, thus creating a certain distaste in the child's 
 mind for the local product, and preparing him for the 
 best. 
 
 Many boys prefer vaudeville to plays. They like the more fre- 
 quent thrills and are interested in the trained animals and the 
 jugglery. It is difficult for the adult to view this preference 
 with complacence. The writer has occasionally dropped into 
 one of the high-class vaudeville houses in the Central West at 
 the Saturday matinee when it was crowded almost entirely 
 with school children. Besides being bored by the sameness 
 of the dialogues and monologues, he has frequently been 
 pained at the exuberant applause at the most inane and vul- 
 gar jocularity. He has felt that the vaudeville house must 
 
 [204] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 share the responsibility with the comic supplement of the 
 Sunday newspaper for the degradation of the sense of humor 
 in our American youth. We must, however, in all frankness, 
 recognize that the vulgarity was largely misunderstood and 
 that the entertainment as a whole was a varied, ingenious and 
 attractive emotional excitation, extremely grateful at the end 
 of a monotonous week in school, and, on the whole, not ob- 
 jectionable, if not too frequently repeated. 
 
 The real problem just now, however, is the motion-picture 
 show. The principal objection is that it plays upon the pas- 
 sivity of the spectator. To its credit it should be said that it 
 makes a powerful appeal to an eye-minded nation and that 
 its possibilities as to broadening information regarding travel, 
 biography, history and heroism are unlimited. It is plainly 
 the duty of every parent to know the kind of motion pictures 
 which his children are in the habit of seeing. The writer made 
 many wearied journeys with his sons along one avenue where 
 these brilliantly lighted places of amusement stand. He dis- 
 cussed with them the virtues and vices of each and 
 finally came to an understanding by which they learned 
 to agree with him substantially as to the really worth 
 while and to confine their patronage largely to such 
 houses. 
 
 In summary, then, the author feels that it is for the home 
 to take a positive, though laborious, attitude toward the 
 theater; for parents to study the places of amusement which 
 are being frequented by their children as they do the books 
 which they place in their hands, to select the plays and play- 
 houses, to accompany their children invariably if possible, and 
 to talk over conscientiously and inspiringly that which is seen. 
 The writer believes that parents who do this will be rewarded 
 in watching the development of their children's taste and in 
 noting the acquisition in their lives of valuable intellectual 
 and moral influences. 
 
 [205] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 The Training of the Feelings 
 
 In emphasizing the fact that the years between seven and 
 fourteen are years for habit-forming and of self-control, 
 many have neglected to note that they are also a time of imag- 
 inative interests and of strong attachments. That these 
 attachments are entirely to things of the present does not 
 lessen, but perhaps increases, their vigor. The elements of 
 personality in a grammar-school boy may be few but they 
 are growing daily in distinctness. There is no more noticeable 
 factor in such a personality than the capacity for enthusiasm. 
 
 If the old Biblical proverb be true — ^and it certainly is, 
 especially during these years — ^that "out of the heart are the 
 issues of life," perhaps our highest and most neglected duty 
 as parents with young boys and girls is the development of 
 the heart life. Let us make a few suggestions. 
 
 We may do much more than we think to develop a sense 
 of beauty. Imaginativeness is naturally strong at the begin- 
 ning of this period. It dwindles, not because it loses strength 
 but because of lack of nourishment. How seldom do we 
 think it worth while to call attention to those beauties of na- 
 ture and art which enrapture us! The mother who will do 
 this, even with a young child who seems unresponsive, is en- 
 gaging in a process of education which is bound to be most 
 fruitful. The child, for example, who visits an art gallery 
 with his mother may not seem to be much impressed by the 
 details of a picture, but upon his return he will recognize it 
 with a certain fondness and remember a great deal of what 
 she has said. Later his impressions will sink even deeper 
 into his mind and form the basis of glad appreciatiotu 
 
 The wild delight which children take in moving pictures is 
 an almost pathetic expression of their love, not only for ad- 
 venture, but also for beauty. Some recent figures show that 
 a much larger proportion of school children care for pictures 
 of natural scenery, flowers, beautiful objects, than for exciting 
 
 [206] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 dramas. In Providence, R. I., for example, an investigation 
 made among two thousand school children of the grammar 
 grades showed that while three hundred and sixty-four in the 
 fifth to the eighth grades preferred comedy, one hundred and 
 thirty-nine dramatic films, fifty-three crime and seven hun- 
 dred and thirty-five Western or cowboy pictures, nine hun- 
 dred and seven preferred educational scenes. Many of the 
 Western scenes are interesting because of their portrayal of 
 nature or of animal life as well as because of their dramatic 
 movement. We spoke above of a serious limitation of 
 the moving picture as a form of education in that it in- 
 volves complete passivity on the part of the child. In all 
 other forms of education, as Dr. Samuel W. Dike has pointed 
 out, we have been growing from passiveness to personal 
 activity. Students no longer "attend" medical lectures or 
 "sit" under teachers. They work in laboratories and discuss 
 in seminars. An appreciation of beauty, and especially of 
 moral beauty, which is to become efifective must be active. It 
 is not enough for the child to be played upon even by whole- 
 some ideas or pictures. Walks, games, pastimes, amuse- 
 ments and travel are far better ways of building up a vital 
 interest in the real things of life. 
 
 Because of the constant peril that the boy may remain 
 passive, we are tempted to agree with C. Hanford Hender- 
 son's extreme statement: "If I could be sure of having Jack 
 with me during the high-school period, from fourteen to 
 eighteen, I would much prefer that at fourteen he should not 
 know how to read. As soon as a boy begins to read, he 
 passes from, the glorious world of first-hand experience and 
 observation into the shabbier world of the second-hand, 
 the world of the reported, and his life becomes less real and 
 genuine. The more passionately fond of his books he is, the 
 smaller the chance that he will, himself, do anything novel or 
 useful. It is so much easier to have thrilling adventures by 
 
 [ 207 ] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 proxy in the world of romance, history, travel, biography, 
 science, than it is to observe and act for one's self, that I 
 have slowly come to the conclusion that reading, instead of 
 being the immense benefit it is reported to be, may all too 
 easily become, like excessive church-going, a form of laziness 
 and self-indulgence. I would prefer that Jack, at fourteen, 
 certainly at twelve, should not know how to read, because 
 I believe in the end he would make a wiser, bigger, more 
 original man." 
 
 Since this extreme opinion of reading is simply doctrinaire, 
 in this age of universal books and periodicals our best re- 
 source seems to be to place in the hands of boys reading 
 matter that is thoroughly virile and dynamic. The writer 
 has elsewhere adopted what has seemed to some a too- 
 gracious attitude toward the nickel novel, explaining this by 
 the statement that such literature, though highly colored and 
 unreal, is of late usually innocuous morally and emphasizes 
 the heroic virtues, besides possibly satisfying a certain pass- 
 ing sensationalism in the boy's own life. The craze is a 
 literary measles from which recovery is sure. So far as the 
 home has to do directly with the boy's choice of reading 
 matter it may best be of service by the establishment of the 
 boy's own library with interesting, well-illustrated books not 
 too far beyond his present vocabulary and tastes and by 
 subscribing for a few magazines of achievement, such as the 
 Scientific American, Popular Mechanics and the Literary Digest. 
 The home has an inhibitory duty also in banishing the yellow 
 newspaper and the popular erotic novels. After all, boys 
 generally read literature that is better morally than that 
 which their parents read. 
 
 We do not find passivity in the matter of the child's feeling 
 for strength. It sometimes seems as if that were one virtue 
 which is appraised at its fullest by the gfrowing boy. Some- 
 what indiscriminating as his loyalty to strength may be, it is 
 
 [208] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 intensely wholesome and he cannot have too much of it. 
 It is notable that young people choose as their gang-leaders 
 and heroes those who are dynamic — adventurers — who are 
 able to do things. 
 
 And as I have implied before, somewhat the same is true of 
 his religious convictions. They may be simple but they are 
 sound and they are gradually being based more and more 
 upon irrefutable personal experience. 
 
 This is not the age of penitence. Only as the moral life 
 of adolescence dawns may we rightly expect any type of 
 contrition. We may secure, if we try, the outward sem- 
 blance, since the affectionate child is often deeply grieved 
 when he finds that he has wounded the heart of one he loves, 
 but the sentiment which he feels is rather that of personal 
 attachment to the parent than personal abhorrence of sin. 
 This being so, the most effective way to meet the sins and fail- 
 ures of childhood is not by a storm of disapproval, but, as 
 Henderson says, "by enfolding the little troubled soul with 
 one's own calm, unaccusing spirit." Then only is one master 
 and able to serve. 
 
 A more appropriate sentiment of these years is that of 
 chivalry. Its expressions are often crude and are not always 
 consonant with formularies of etiquette, but one rarely ap- 
 peals to a boy in behalf of a weak sufiferer without instant and 
 eager response. 
 
 Prof. G. Walter Fiske has summed up the religion of the 
 school child, so far as it is a part of the life of feeling, in 
 the following excellent statement: "Certain elements of nat- 
 ural religion, literal to children perhaps at ten years, are 
 significant items in the childlikeness which Jesus praised as 
 essential characteristics of the Kingdom of Heaven. Notable 
 is the boy's instinctive faith in God and simple trust in God ; 
 his clear acceptance of immortality as an axiom; his faith in 
 the guidance of God and instinctive dependence upon it; his 
 
 [209] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 intuitive knowledge of God as a living personal spirit, the 
 Causal Agent and Source of Life at the heart of things; and 
 also his honest conscientiousness. These are among the 
 fundamental religious instincts of the human race. In their 
 purest, simplest form, the child possesses them." 
 
 There is, however, more than one side to the life of the 
 child. The feeling side may seem that which is most akin 
 to religion because it is most distinctly touched with fine 
 emotions, but if we have a broad faith in the beliefs we have 
 been stating we shall see that a boy may love God just as 
 truly with his body and his mind as with his heart. When, 
 therefore, we seek to discover what is the real child, we must 
 ask not only what the child is like when he is worshiping, 
 but what he is like when he is playing or reading or talkinij 
 with his friends. 
 
 [aio] 
 
CHAPTER XVII 
 
 FACTS FOR ENCOURAGEMENT 
 
 There is something almost sublime about the quiet, stolid 
 way in which a boy, during these years of the common school, 
 grows — bodily, mentally and morally. Because of the quiet- 
 ness of his development, this period has not been studied as 
 carefully as it deserves. We are coming to recognize, how- 
 ever, not only that the mighty decisions of adolescence and 
 the recoveries from prodigality which occur during that 
 period are the result of habits formed during this, but also 
 that the general tenor of life is more largely decided by what 
 goes on during these years than by any other period of equal 
 length during human life. It is encouraging to parents to 
 realize that even if they be conscious of no special ability, 
 their steady, daily insistence upon a wholesome regimen of 
 body and mind forms a veritable matrix in which the young 
 spirit may come to birth. 
 
 It is extraordinarily encouraging that one hardly ever 
 needs to persuade a boy that he ought to do the right thing. 
 "His conscience," as a practical student of boy hfe has re- 
 cently said, "may not always act accurately, and may need 
 training; but it usually acts powerfully and hardly needs 
 reinforcement." 
 
 "How noisy is the child! How still is childhood!" These 
 words never appear more true than when we apply them to 
 the years between seven and fourteen. Irritating and exas- 
 perating even as are many of the personal habits of boys, 
 they have very little to do with the undertow of the child's 
 nature. Incapable sometimes of expressing himself in words 
 if he should desire and not always characterized during these 
 
 [211] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 years by adherence to custom or fashion, the normal lad yet 
 shows a certain unspoiled candor and truthfulness which 
 makes young children not only good to live with but good 
 to live for. These are indeed springtime days for sowing, 
 for cultivating, for watching green things appear above the 
 surface. They are days when happy fathers and mothers 
 may go forth with joy to the great work of planning for an 
 abundant harvest. 
 
 [212] 
 
SUMMARY 
 
 SUMMARY 
 
 The Parent's Attitude — The parent's best attitude is in an honest 
 disposition of listening, involving as much as possible of foresight, in- 
 sight, companionship and personal fitness. 
 
 The Child's Attitude. — Until the child is about ten years old his 
 attitude is one of respect for personal commands; after that of re- 
 spect for law itself. There are, however, artful dodgers, obstinate 
 not because of strength of will but because of mistaken will and of 
 strong individualism, who are yet especially susceptible to the influence 
 of sociability. 
 
 Obedience. — The art of securing obedience during this period in- 
 volves a process of treatment. 
 
 Methods of Government. — Among the best methods of government 
 are suggestion, explanation, persuasion, diversion, drill and activity. 
 
 Government by Punishment. — Corporal punishment should recede 
 into the background during this period. Punishments should involve 
 the employment of choice. They should be as far as possible co- 
 operative. 
 
 More Methods of Government. — In general, choice is successor to 
 obedience, because we are engaged in a process of will-training which 
 begins now to get possession of the reason. Parent and teacher may 
 well co-operate in methods of government. 
 
 Sex Discipline. — The special problems of this period are to prevent 
 the misuse of the sex organs by inspiring toward personal hygiene, to 
 correct keen sex worries by frank instruction and to give such further 
 information as may enlighten the boy without alarming him. 
 
 Religious Nurture. — Habit-forming is one of the first religious prac- 
 tices because it is a means of developing the will. The special habits 
 to be persisted in are those of religious observance, Bible-reading, 
 prayer, free and wholesome use of Sunday and service to others. The 
 principal part of a child's religion consists of the daily doing of duty- 
 He must now learn the majesty of obedience. In order to be good 
 he must know what is good and also the technique of doing good; 
 therefore he must have practical ethical teaching. In his relations to 
 others, whose influence may be very strong, he needs the companion- 
 ship and protection of his parents. This is the most important time 
 for training the feelings because "out of the heart are the issues of 
 life." We must instill positive and active relations to goodness and 
 help the child to do good because he likes to. 
 
 References 
 
 Books upon the Philosophy of Child Management 
 
 The Education of the Child, 85 pp., by Ellen Key, published by G. P. 
 
 Putnam's Sons, New York. 
 
 This book consists of a single chapter taken out of Ellen Key's 
 
 great book, "The Century of the Child," which has gone through some 
 
 [213] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 twenty editions in Germany and has been successful in several other 
 
 European countries. 
 
 Oim Boy, 126 pp., by Harry Edwards Bartow, published by the Union 
 
 Press, Philadelphia. 
 A small but adequate handbook on child-training, written from a 
 father's standpoint. It is the only parents' book of which we know in 
 which the various periods of child life are taken up in direct and 
 definite order. 
 On the Training of Parents, 141 pp., by Ernest H. Abbott, published 
 
 by Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 This little volume contains a series of essays which mark out im- 
 portant laws of child life and principles of child-training, illustrated by 
 interesting personal narrative. 
 That Boy of Yotjrs, 250 pp., by James S. Kirtley, published by George 
 
 H. Doran Co., New York. 
 Discusses the morals, body, mind, religion, failings and home asso- 
 ciations and brings all these things before grown-up eyes from the 
 standpoint of the boy himself. In these days of the new view taken 
 by social workers and educators in regard to boys and their tendencies 
 and development, a book like this is sure to prove of value. 
 Child Nature and Child Nxjrture, 102 pp., by Edward Porter St 
 
 John, published by The Pilgrim Press, Boston. 
 _ No less stimulating and suggestive than the author's widely appre- 
 ciated "Stones and Story Telling" is this new series of brief outline 
 lessons designed to deal with some of the most important and practical 
 problems that every parent must face. There is not a paragraph but 
 is vigorous, with a broad, spiritual understanding and a strong common 
 sense. Absolutely practical are the suggestions about dealing with the 
 Punishment of the Child and the Training of the Child in a r^ard for 
 the property rights of others. The pages are full of questions and 
 suggestions which set in motion new and effective trains of thought 
 
 Books Containing Real Instances 
 Bringing Up the Boy, 227 pp., by Kate Upson Qark, published by 
 Thomas Y. Crowell & Co., New York. 
 A book long established in popular favor, characterized by its good 
 sense. 
 
 Making the Best of Our Children, the second series, 285 pp., by 
 Mary Wood-Allen, M. D., published by A. C McQurg & Co., 
 Chicago. 
 The second volume of the series of two contains a great many simple 
 and clear suggestions as to child government each of them upon con- 
 trasted incidents out of real life. 
 
 Child, Home and School, 307 pp., by Delia Thompson Lutes, pub- 
 lished by the Arthur H. Crist Co.. Cooperstown, New York. 
 The author remarks in her foreword: "The book presented to you 
 under these covers does not seek to lay down rules. It offers sug- 
 gestions, relates experiences and seeks to arouse responsibility, sense 
 of obligation and thought We have not advanced untried theories. 
 
 [214] 
 
SUMMARY 
 
 Experience speaks from each page, ofttimes bought at the price of 
 tears and anguish, as experiences that are most valuable often are." 
 
 The Mother's Book, 323 pp., by Caroline Benedict Burrell, published 
 by the University Society, New York. 
 A compilation of varied value, but containing in its last one 
 hundred and fifty pages an unusual number of common sense sug- 
 gestions about many matters of home management. 
 
 Social Development and Education, 433 pp., by M. V. O'Shea, pub- 
 lished by Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 Describes the process of social evolution by which the child learns 
 to live with other people, and shows how the child's social relations 
 affect the problems of home management. 
 
 The Child's Day, 180 pp., by Woods Hutchinson, M. D., published by 
 Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 
 A book for children, but most desirable for the mother to read with 
 the younger children in the home- It begins with the children's morn- 
 ing and gives the most practical suggestions about exercise before 
 breakfast, bathing and brushing, food habits, hygienic habits in school 
 and the whole practical side of physiology and hygiene which a child 
 has the opportunity to practice during any day of his life. 
 The Children's Reading, 344 pp., by Frances Jenkins Olcott, published 
 by Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 
 A most admirably comprehensive guide for mothers. It has chap- 
 ters covering the entire realm of children's literature, each one with a 
 good introductory portion discussing the place of a particular kind of 
 literature in a child's life and then giving a carefully annotated list 
 of books. Unique features of the volume are a list of one hundred 
 stories and where to find them and a purchase list of books with prices. 
 
 How TO Enjoy Pictures, 290 pp., by M. S. Emery, published by the 
 Prang Educational Co., New York. 
 Although this volume of Miss Emery's was published fifteen years 
 ago, there is still no better book for those who wish to learn how 
 to appreciate all the fine points of a, good picture. She studies pic- 
 tures by theme rather than by period or school, which is the right 
 approach for children. There is a chapter upon magazine illustrations, 
 one upon the processes of reproduction and one upon school room 
 decoration. There is an illustration with each picture studied. 
 
 Books upon Details of Child Training 
 Nature Study and Life, 514 pp., by Clifton F. Hodge, published by 
 Ginn and Co., Boston. 
 The one best book to arouse an intelligent enthusiasm for nature- 
 study. It has to do with all the common forms of animal and plant 
 life, home-made cages, aquaria, aviaries, etc. 
 
 Games for the Playground, Home, School and Gymnasium, 456 pp., 
 
 published by the Macmillan Co., New York, by Jessie H. Bancroft. 
 
 This book is a practical guide for the player of games, whether child 
 
 or adult, and for the teacher or leader of games. A wide variety of 
 
 [2IS] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 conditions have been considered, including schools, playgrounds, 
 gymnasiums, adult house parties, etc. 
 
 Books upon Sex Instruction and DisaPLiNE 
 
 From Youth into Manhood, 64 pp., by Winfield Scott Hall, M. D., pub- 
 lished by Association Press, New York. 
 
 Truths : Talks with the Boy, 95 pp., by Edith B. Lowry, M. D., pub- 
 lished by the Forbes Co., Chicago. 
 
 Confidential Chats with Boys, 162 pp., by William Lee Howard, 
 M. D., published by Edward j. Clode, New York. 
 
 The Boy Problem, 16 pp., by Prince A. Morrow, M. D., published by 
 the American Federation for Social Hygiene, New York. 
 
 For Boys Approaching Puberty, 4 pp., published by the Spokane So- 
 ciety of Social and Moral Hygiene, Spokane, Wash. 
 
 Books upon Religious Nurture 
 
 Religion in Boyhood, 91 pp., by E. B. Layard, published by E. P. 
 Button & Co., New York. 
 A study from the English standpoint of the formation of character 
 in boys up to twelve. Most of the suggestions apply to schoolboys in 
 private schools. 
 
 Principles of Character Making, 336 pp., by Arthur Holmes, pub- 
 lished by J. B. Lippincott Co., Philadelphia. 
 Our best recent discussion of moral education. Dr. Holmes makes 
 a careful study of what constitutes character. He summarizes the view- 
 points of modern psychology, goes deeply into the sources of char- 
 acter, takes up habit-making and play, and gives a multitude of prac- 
 tical suggestions as to methods by which sound ideas and habits may 
 be evolved in the making of good manhood. 
 
 Education in Religion and Morals, 434 pp., by George Albert Coe, 
 published by Fleming H. Revell Co., New York. 
 A broad and stimulating book. In the first part the author gives 
 one of the clearest and most valuable summaries that has been made 
 of the place of character-nurture in education. The second part is an 
 unexcelled description of the religious impulse and development of a 
 child. The third part describes our Christian institutions : The Family, 
 the Sunday School and Church, Qubs, the Christian Academies and 
 Colleges and the State Schools. In the last section the author sum- 
 marizes the relation of the Church to the child and presents practically 
 the present religious problems of education. There is a good biblio- 
 graphy. This is, on the whole, for minister and parent the one most 
 useful book upon religious education. 
 
 The Church and Her Children, 229 pp., by Henry Woodward Hul- 
 bert, published by Fleming H. Revell Co., New York. 
 A study of religious training from the standpoint of the Church. 
 There are, however, chapters upon the Bible, stories, music and 
 prayers appropriate to children. 
 
 [216] 
 
BOOK III 
 THE HOMF TRAINING OF ADOLESCENT BOYS 
 
CHAPTER XVIII 
 
 DEVELOPMENTS OF ADOLESCENCE 
 
 So much has been said about the critical elements in the 
 changes that come with the high-school age that there is 
 danger lest we become morbid on the subject. Our fears 
 often get communicated to the young people themselves. A 
 youth is said to have explained some defect in his life the 
 other day by the self-conscious remark: "You know I am 
 passing through adolescence." Now adolescence is not a 
 disease nor a diseased condition. It is on the whole the most 
 glorious period of life, and if it does bring new moral liabil- 
 ities, these are counterbalanced by the new moral resources 
 that appear. With this outlook, let us try to find out how 
 we may best strengthen and call into service these moral re- 
 sources. 
 
 In order to understand how best to deal with young people 
 in the home, let us briefly summarize the condition in which 
 we find our children at about the age of thirteen. 
 
 Physical Development 
 
 Physically there comes now a period of rapid growth, with 
 girls from thirteen to sixteen and with boys from fourteen 
 to eighteen or nineteen. This growth seems to come on in 
 waves. The result is that the physical life consists of sea- 
 sons of a sense of power alternating with seasons of pause and 
 marked lassitude, often misnamed "laziness." The fact that 
 the muscles and the bones sometimes have alternate spells 
 of growth explains a certain self-consciousness, awkward- 
 ness and looseness of carriage which is very common to this 
 
 [219] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 period. There is a consciousness of new passions and pow- 
 ers which is sometimes overwhelming. 
 
 Emotional Changes 
 
 The emotional life now undergoes great and sudden 
 changes. Instead of the apparent stolidity of childhood, the 
 mental energies, especially when physical growth and energy 
 are near their flood tide, are most lively. The young person 
 craves the intensifying of personal life even to the point of 
 intoxication. He has discovered that wings are better than 
 nests. He wants to be out nights and to be entertained 
 constantly. He desires to live in a larger world than that 
 which he sees around him. His parents seem to him, as 
 Tyler says, to know "very little of the glories of life and of 
 this exceedingly good world." The result is that the ideals 
 and activities of the home often appear little and humdrum, 
 and he desires to break away from parental authority. He 
 is self-assertive because he is for the first time becoming an 
 individual. While on this quest for himself he often feels a 
 joyous defiance and engages in wild larks, injurious habits 
 and reckless defiance to law which often get him into trouble. 
 Because of his insistence upon individuality he seems to us 
 to be absolutely selfish. To the adult his restlessness ap- 
 pears to be simply contrariness. But the youth likes at this 
 time to have all his doings taken for granted. He hates to 
 be questioned, and sometimes he seems to enjoy giving the 
 impression of having done something contrary to law or 
 propriety by the romantic care he takes to cover up some 
 trifling adventure. And if the youth be not bumptious, then 
 morbidness (among girls) or shyness or shame and the in- 
 ability to express himself (among both boys and girls) in 
 turn cause him to be misunderstood. 
 
 The characteristic emotion of this period is ambition. The 
 child is making building plans for his whole life. He has 
 
 [ 220 ] 
 
DEVELOPMENTS OF ADOLESCENCE 
 
 an unlimited sense of power; nothing seems impossible. It 
 is at times surprising to the youth that everyone else does 
 not recognize his ability or agree with his judgments. The 
 lack of relationship between a boy's ideals and any serious 
 purpose to attain them is illustrated by the incident given 
 by Dr. A. H. McKinney regarding the boy who had a dream 
 that his first original work of fiction at once attained a cir- 
 culation of one million copies. During the same week in 
 which he told his dream, the father received a report from 
 his teacher stating that the boy was deficient both in spelling 
 and punctuation! What need was there for such trifles as 
 these as long as one could sell his writings so easily? 
 
 The situation in which the growing boy finds himself is 
 complicated. For the first time in his life, due to his devel- 
 oping individuality, he begins to be thrown upon himself. He 
 discovers, somewhat to his dismay, that enlarged privileges 
 are bringing him enlarged responsibilities. If he wishes, 
 as he always does, to spend more money, his father insists that 
 he earn more and be more strictly accountable for that which 
 he has. He finds a great contrast between what he dreams 
 and what he can really do when he wakes up and tries to 
 make his dream actual. His lack of judgment and self-con- 
 trol lead him into many costly experiments. Never were his 
 self-expressions so enthusiastic — or so clumsy. He betrays 
 his conceit and cannot help it. His humility over his blunders, 
 failures and sins he keeps to himself. He becomes reticent. 
 
 So even his ambition has its setbacks. He is subject to 
 alternate waves and lulls of personal satisfaction. "If the sun 
 shines today," as John M. Tyler says, "it will always remain 
 cloudless; if the maid of his adoration frowns, she will never 
 smile again." He lives upon the Delectable Mountains or in 
 the depths of the Valley of Humiliation — more frequently in 
 the latter region than we suspect. 
 
 Not only is the youth distressed by his mistakes and mis- 
 
 [221] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 understandings, but he sometimes becomes discouraged 
 when, during some one of the lulls in his growth referred 
 to above, he suddenly feels a lack of physical or mental 
 energy. At times, too, his old childish self seems to return. 
 He is also sometimes haunted by fears due to ignorance of 
 his physical nature or to misinformation which has come to 
 him from surreptitious sources. 
 
 Because of these sudden alternations of feeling the idea of 
 himself which he holds now is strongly self-conscious. Never 
 before has he recognized his own personality; never before 
 has he been so conscious of his perils, never so frequently 
 subject to the unusual feeling that there is something about 
 himself that demands settlement. These alternations of joy 
 and despair are accompanied by a certain suddenness of per- 
 sonal development so that, as Kirtley says, his "expansion is 
 by a series of explosions." Underneath all this apparent 
 fickleness, there is what Dr. G. Stanley Hall calls "the pro- 
 founder drift of his will," referring to the fact that below the 
 surface billows or changing interests there is being felt the 
 deep swell of a tidal life-purpose. The importance of this 
 seething self-development is manifest. The boy's chief busi- 
 ness now is, as J. W. Slaughter says, "his formation and pro- 
 jection of ideals." We arrest that development when we 
 endeavor to construct a building according to our own plan. 
 
 This is a time of limitless interests. There is almost no 
 subject in which it is impossible to interest an adolescent 
 eagerly. His sense of potency is accompanied by the keenest 
 and broadest intellectual interest, yet such is the fear of 
 ridicule that both in and out of school the reserve of the 
 youth often causes him to seem absolutely indifferent to 
 topics upon which he feels the most intense curiosity. This 
 strange reserve often creates an estrangement between him- 
 self and his parents and teachers. This estrangement is 
 often intensified by the fact that one interest succeeds another 
 
 [ 222 ] 
 
DEVELOPMENTS OF ADOLESCENCE 
 
 rapidly, and entirely displaces it. Naturally, the parent feels 
 that the child is fickle and has no continuity of purpose. 
 
 Because of his inability to see the practical relations of 
 new intellectual subjects to his future and partly because of 
 the poor adjustment of the school curriculum to his interests 
 and needs, many a high-school pupil now loses enthusiasm 
 for his text-books, becomes inattentive, fails in application 
 to his studies, hates school. Let us parents not think of our- 
 selves more highly than we ought to think and be blaming 
 the school teachers too much. "It will probably never be 
 an easy task for the school," says a sensible educator, "with its 
 hours of impersonal mental application, to compete with the 
 sex interests, the sporting interests, and the great complex 
 of other social interests which make such an appeal to the 
 adolescent. What a natural pull there is away from the 
 humdrum ! How can a boy who is feeling all the raptures and 
 pangs of a first love hold himself down to the bromidic charms 
 of Sir Roger de Coverley or to figure out on paper the 
 velocity of falling bodies when he is all in a quiver to catch 
 a three-bagger in the south field?" Many now want to go to 
 work, partly to escape school and partly to earn money for 
 their pleasures. Stealing, when it occurs now, is always for 
 this latter reason. With boys especially there is often a 
 wanderlust. 
 
 Social Instincts 
 
 The boy's feelings about others are by this time under- 
 going a rapid series of changes. In the presence of those 
 whom he knows and loves he manifests a new impulse to 
 express himself, and a great deal of the boisterousness and 
 self-assertion of these years is simply the endeavor of the 
 child to let his adult companions know that he has arrived. 
 The misunderstanding which his parents have of the mean- 
 ing of this phenomenon, coupled with his new reticence con- 
 cerning his discouragement, produces what parents have 
 
 [223] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 frequently remarked upon when they say, "Frank seems to 
 have entirely changed in disposition nowadays." The change 
 is not so much in the disposition as in the desire to express it. 
 
 Both self-assertiveness and rebellion would be impossible to 
 the ordinary youth if he had to do things alone. "The one 
 way," says Munroe, "in which he can bolster up his courage 
 is to lean upon other boys like himself." Hence the arising 
 of the "gang" and the strengthening through this mutual 
 support of whatever good and also whatever evil instincts 
 each of the individuals may have. His blind following of the 
 "gang" is emphasized because of his eager hero-worship, and 
 the leader of the "gang" is no doubt his hero. It is also a 
 peculiarity of this period that the youth when planning an 
 action thinks not only of something as to be done but also 
 of another person as witnessing the achievement. His pleas- 
 ure is not only in the thing itself but also in the thought of 
 how it will be viewed by others or by one particular person. 
 This immensely limits the field of "things that the fellers do" 
 and at the same time gives an unnatural glamor to efforts in 
 particular directions. 
 
 In the later adolescent years the social instinct — ^let us call 
 it "the friendship instinct" — stakes the special form of interest 
 in the other sex. As girls mature physically a little earlier than 
 boys, they manifest this instinct sooner and writh a frankness 
 that is sometimes alarming to their parents. Prepared as 
 they may be by reminiscence for the fact that this instinct is 
 sure to come, they have forgotten that there is a time when 
 the subject of boys is to a girl as young as thirteen the all- 
 absorbing topic of conversation and even of thought. The 
 interest is innocent and ignorant and is often as much a form 
 of early feminine jealousy of the other girls as it is of genuine 
 interest in any individual lad. The maladies of silliness and 
 of "giggles" are chiefly due to the sex-interest. With boys 
 first love is chivalrous and unselfish but equally blinding to 
 
 [224! 
 
DEVELOPMENTS OF ADOLESCENCE 
 
 any other object. Such preoccupation constitutes one of the 
 most difficult problems of the period. 
 
 At about the time when the boy begins to show his interest 
 in girls, he is quite likely to desert his gang for a single chum, 
 an action which has been interpreted as an escape for pro- 
 tection. He cannot endure the ridicule of his companions 
 and he seeks sympathy from a comrade who is perhaps in the 
 same case as himself. 
 
 It is no doubt the fascinations of the gang and the delight 
 of first love that partly explain the disregard of the home 
 folks that has been mentioned above. 
 
 Moral Awakening 
 
 The keenness which the youth shows physically and men- 
 tally is also most deeply manifest in the moral realm. The 
 religious life of an adolescent is at first largely one of feeling 
 and later one in which thoughtfulness becomes predominant. 
 During the era of feeling the growing boy or girl rises to 
 heights of moral ecstasy. These, too, come on in rhythms, 
 with lulls between. When the period of thoughtfulness 
 arrives, there is often a break between the beliefs of child- 
 hood and those of maturity, and the religious experiences of 
 youth, though in the main inspiring, are often poignant and 
 disillusioning. Interest in religion does not always mean 
 interest in church, and, partly because of physical restlessness, 
 partly because church and Sunday school have not adapted 
 themselves to his nature and partly because Sunday has been 
 invaded by so many other occupations, many young people 
 manifest a distinct dislike to going to church and Sunday 
 school. 
 
 Summary of Conditions 
 
 The physical development, the emotional changes, the 
 social stress and the religious crisis all together cause this 
 to be a most unstable, misunderstood, and yet hopeful period. 
 
 [225] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 The child now needs the sympathy, understanding and re- 
 spect of adults as never before. The Psalmist said even of 
 God : "Thy gentleness hath made me great." The facts that 
 have been mentioned themselves suggest some of the main 
 lines of action along which parents must move in the govern- 
 ment of children. The quiet, stolid years of childhood are 
 over and the time for corporal punishment, scolding, and 
 nagging is past. The child is not only ripening but harden- 
 ing into the character which is to be his for life. The time 
 has come to make the transition from the management of 
 the child by an adult to his own self-management. We 
 exert our best influence now when we push from behind. 
 
 In this period when the child is never calm the parent 
 must be always calm. We caia never afford to be disquieted 
 when he is. Especially must we keep hopeful when he is in 
 despair. At this age when we are perpetually being an- 
 noyed by the superlatives, the shallowness, the moods, the 
 unrestraint and the secretiveness of youth we must try, as 
 Puffer reminds us, not only to remember how we ourselves 
 once acted, but how we once felt. It seems incredible, but it 
 is true, that we once had the same impulses as our child 
 has. If we have forgotten, our parents haven't. 
 
 Now, when, as LeBaron Briggs wittily says, the youth 
 wants to behave like a child and be treated like a gentleman, 
 we have to be prompt with our forgiveness of his sudden, 
 fickle tendencies, for if we do not forgive him when he is 
 sorry, then he will soon not be sorry and will not care to 
 be forgiven. Next to trust in God perhaps the chief virtue 
 called for in parents now is a sense of humor. Next in 
 commonness to the mistake of supposing that our children 
 are exceptionally brilliant is that of supposing that they are 
 exceptionally difficult. The chances are that they are neither. 
 If you knew all that your neighbors conceal you would find 
 out that they are sure that nobody ever had such hard chil- 
 
 t»26] 
 
DEVELOPMENTS OF ADOLESCENCE 
 
 dren to bring up as they have. The fact is that all children 
 of parts during this period are at times anti-domestic, "agin" 
 the government, forgetful of their duty to their parents and 
 even apparently dull in affection. All this is funny ; if humor 
 be the discovery of unexpected congruities in the incongru- 
 ous, surely most of our experiences with our changeable 
 young people are that. 
 
 This is also a time for renewed hopefulness. They were 
 never so near the watershed that leads over into manliness 
 and womanliness as now. They are also just about to be- 
 come most enjoyable, for the first time in their lives showing 
 themselves capable of being comrades on a level with their 
 fathers and mothers. The parent must not expect much 
 gratitude now from his child. He is too busy discovering 
 himself to find out the sacrifices which his parents at just 
 this time are making in his behalf. Yet, as Kirtley tells us, 
 he hungers most for love and appreciation when he does 
 not know how to receive it. Upon the completed building 
 of childhood the youth is now adding an entirely new story, 
 and our consciousness of the significance and beauty of the 
 work must for a while be our only solace. 
 
 [2271 
 
CHAPTER XIX 
 
 METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 Physical Management 
 
 This is not the place for a full discussion of the physical 
 problems of adolescence. Only so much ought to be said 
 here as to suggest the relation of physical care to the whole- 
 some home life of the young. 
 
 During these years the young person not only has floods 
 and ebbs of physical vigor, but he is often capricious in 
 appetite, fond of new and strange foods, subject to new fads 
 as to exercise, and especially likely to overdraw his bank 
 account of bodily energy. We must try to continue a some- 
 what steady regimen of food, exercise and sleep for this as 
 yet unsteady spirit, in order to establish a good constitu- 
 tion and save the child from becoming physically bankrupt 
 Now is just the time when fond parents discover an unsus- 
 pected talent for music or art in their daughters and insist 
 upon adding "practice" to the already overloaded hours. 
 This, together with parties and the theater, is pretty nearly the 
 end of some young folks, the drain of energy showing itself 
 upon entrance to college if not now. The old adage, "Nine 
 hours of sleep and a clear conscience," is not a bad one. 
 While too much and too intense social life is fatiguing, we 
 cannot deny that excitement in a moderate degree is expan- 
 sive to the soul of a youth, somewhat as crying is to the 
 lungs of a baby. Yet we ought to be able to limit the social 
 life of high-school young folks chiefly to Friday evenings. 
 
 In another chapter some suggestions are given concern- 
 ing instruction and regimen regarding the sex-organs. Let 
 us only remark here that it is equally important to remem- 
 
 [228] 
 
METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 ber and sometimes to remind the youth that his otherwise 
 unexplained fluctuations and restlessness are closely associ- 
 ated with his sex-development, so that he shall learn that 
 they are not uncommon, and may not despair concerning 
 himself. At this time, when the senses are more keen than 
 ever before to color, sound and taste, when the love of 
 beauty in nature allies itself to the love of human beauty, 
 when there is a mental awakening almost every day to some- 
 thing that has always been seen or known but never appre- 
 ciated, we may use the body as never before to help the soul 
 upon its lonely way. "Much despondency and sense of sin" 
 even, as Irving King reminds us, "is no doubt due to physical 
 causes." And just here his advice is especially good, when 
 he urges that we cure the introspection that is due to the 
 new sensitiveness and consciousness of the flesh by giving 
 the youth surroundings that are especially cheerful in tone 
 and that furnish the stimulus to abundant and vigorous 
 physical exercise. "He should have his attention turned 
 outwardly as much as possible, cultivating interests in active, 
 overt enterprises with other people, and avoiding the giving 
 of attention to his own physical and mental states." Here 
 is where athletics, wisely administered, comes to our rescue, 
 the enthusiasm for personal prowess and for maintaining the 
 glory of the school becoming a passion which, while not 
 worthy of remaining as a life-purpose, nevertheless lifts above 
 gross vices, precludes from morbid day-dreaming and tides 
 the youth over to more serious interests. Many a young 
 person is being kept in high school and college today by 
 the desire to be "on the team," while unconsciously to him- 
 self he is ripening more serious purposes. The heroic not 
 only in relation to athletics but in relation to nature is help- 
 ful here. This is the time for parents to encourage not 
 merely ladylike nature study but camping, sailing, tramping. 
 Now young persons respond to the sturdy zeal of old Ulysses 
 
 [229] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 "That ever with a frolic welcome took 
 The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed 
 
 Free hearts, free foreheads 
 
 One equal temper of heroic hearts, 
 
 strong in will 
 
 To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." 
 
 In these days of bodily irritability, while he takes the most 
 careful watch-care concerning his child's bodily development, 
 the parent endeavors to overlook minor outbreaks and to 
 concede gracefully as many of the smaller issues as possible. 
 Everything that annoys us is not of equal significance, and 
 the wise parent, like a strategist, employs his heavy artillery 
 only in an emergency. In order to keep the confidence of 
 young people, the mother must be flexible. Mrs. Frances 
 M. Ford wisely says: "She must give way in some of the 
 little things in order to strengthen her position in the 
 greater matters to be decided, and to turn the argument 
 around, I believe that if she shows her sympathy and affec- 
 tion and understanding, morning, noon and night, in respect 
 to these little things, she will find herself quite able to cope 
 with the larger ones and she will come out ahead." 
 
 Management of the Emotions 
 In the emotional realm the parent tries to help the child 
 organize and interpret his changing experiences, meeting his 
 doubts frankly and cheerfully, being patient writh his sudden 
 aversions and equally sudden fancies, and using praise much 
 more generously than blame. While there is never a time 
 when the child prizes good advice so little as during thii 
 period, he is so abjectly subservient to public opinion thai 
 he is grateful for all information concerning social usages, 
 and usually responds, after a while, to the reiteration of the 
 opinions of those whom he admires. It must be remembered 
 that a very important preliminary to doing right is knowing 
 
 [230] 
 
METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 what is right, and we, perhaps, expect too much in this direc- 
 tion. Skilful indeed is that parent who can succeed once in a 
 while in slipping some counsel over his unsuspecting child. 
 
 We need to learn to bear with much seeming impertinence, 
 which is ignorant or unintentional. A very successful 
 teacher of boys states that the recipe by means of which she 
 got along with them was this maxim given her by an older 
 friend: "A boy can't insult a woman (and he doesn't want to). 
 Never let yourself doubt it." Think that over. 
 
 We have said that the youth is never so clumsy in his 
 expression or appreciation of afifection as now, when he needs 
 and desires it most. Remembering this, the home should 
 redouble its affectionate manifestations. The welcome which 
 awaited the child when he came into the world should await 
 him every time he comes home. There are, as Kirtley tells 
 us, "certain luminous hours — ^the home-coming hour, the 
 meal hour, the play hour. On those hours life's high Hghts 
 must gleam." Young persons seem especially sensitive now 
 to certain regularities in the home festivals and reunions, 
 assuming a fresh interest in the ritual of stocking-hanging 
 and the tree at Christmas, insisting upon birthdays and other 
 anniversaries and reminiscing with evident enjoyment about 
 early homes and their joys. This interest is precious, and 
 holds much content of family loyalty and pride. Parents 
 and children will both hold these as most tender memories, 
 and will always wish afterward that there had been more of 
 them. 
 
 Of course the seeming impertinence and the clumsiness in 
 the expression of aflfectionate emotions and also much of the 
 "contrariness" are largely due to the fact that the young 
 people are often nervously "on edge." "I feel all right if 
 you don't ask me," the hysterical girl's reply to an inquiry 
 as to her health, is quite typical of the emotional situation 
 during much of this period. 
 
 [231 ] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 Social Management 
 
 In the social life of the youth we meet a varied and com- 
 plex problem. At one moment we find it feasible to utilize 
 emulation and stimulate him to imitate his hero. Again we 
 crave the opportunity for him to be by himself so that he 
 may learn to stand upon his own feet and think out his 
 own thoughts. We often find it necessary to get the "gang" 
 on our side and to chaperon its activities so that they may 
 be harmless. Having won its confidence, we find that the 
 "gang" is potentially one of the best friends of parents in 
 the home training of the children. 
 
 The wise parent works with the "gang" and not against 
 it. The child may be allowed an almost uninterrupted rela- 
 tionship with his group so long as that relationship is 
 conducted under wholesome conditions. This especially 
 emphasizes the necessity of the young person's having a room 
 of his own. "He needs it," says Kirtley, "in his business 
 of being a boy. If he does not get it at home he always 
 wants to establish headquarters somewhere else — on the 
 street corner, or a vacant lot, or in another boy's home; 
 which always lessens his attachment for his own home. His 
 self-respect and social standing require that he have a place 
 where he can bring his friends; if he brings them there, they 
 will be in a respectable place and not be apt to get their 
 relatives in trouble. He will be proud to have his parents 
 become honorary or sustaining members of the club; that 
 will give those parents a chance to take the sting out of all 
 mischief and renew the joys of long ago. His room is a 
 social center, training him for life." We believe there is 
 scarcely a home where this is not possible. Since so many 
 of the gang's activities are naturally in the evening, a 
 basement may be used where there is no attic, and 
 there are fascinating possibilities in sheds and "shacks" in 
 backyards. 
 
 [232] 
 
METHODS OF. GOVERNMENT 
 
 Parents are sometimes concerned because their children 
 at this period become completely fascinated with some other 
 person, frequently of the same sex, so that the acts, thoughts 
 and feelings of the admired individual are of more interest 
 than anything else in the world. But this is at least better 
 than extreme self-absorption. If the person be strong and 
 well-rounded, nothing but good can result. And if the 
 parent has reason to believe that the person is not strong 
 and good, the case is by no means hopeless. A good general 
 rule is that the parent should crave to know personally and 
 in the home everyone whom his children like. In the home 
 circle the unwholesome acquaintance loses much of his 
 glamor; brought into competition there with unusually fine 
 young persons, invited there for the purpose, he may lose 
 it all. 
 
 A word may perhaps be welcome concerning the proper 
 attitude to take toward first loves. Here complete candor is 
 desirable. Nothing could be more foolish than to joke a 
 child about his fancy, because that is the surest way to make 
 him secretive and to encourage him to continue his passion 
 away from home. Invite the loved one to your own home, 
 not of course in any guise than that of a schoolroom friend, 
 and observe her well but kindly. Keep the acquaintance 
 open and aboveboard. Try to know her folks, and get them 
 to work with you in a mutual program. Friendships thus 
 guarded may prove of life-long worth, or they may die a 
 natural but innocent death. They cannot be hurtful. "If 
 we try our best to make the best of it, we take the worst 
 out of the very worst of it." 
 
 Now, more than ever before, we share the guidance of 
 our children with others. They are at this time influenced 
 about as much by the spirit of the "gang" as by ourselves. 
 The influence of a particular chum may be even more power- 
 ful than that of a parent. We have also to consider the 
 
 [233] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 influence of the different ideas of parental control and per- 
 sonal privilege shared by the other homes of the neighbor- 
 hood, and also the general sentiment of the community as 
 to what is proper for young people to do. Says Mrs. Ford, 
 "If all the mothers of a certain set of society were agreed on 
 certain standards, it would be easier for the individual mother 
 to hold strongly to the ideal of conduct or attitude, whatever 
 it may be. Why can't you strengthen the backbone of the 
 mothers of the community? Thoughtless mothers make 
 things hard for the rest, and I believe that the thoughtful 
 mother who gives herself to the work of a good sensible 
 mothers' club is thereby saving time and work and perplexity 
 for herself." 
 
 It is a curious fact that young people are independently 
 thoughtful religiously before they are socially. This means 
 that they begin to form their ideals before they do their 
 code of daily conduct. There sometimes follows a certain 
 inconsistency between the two. The child may be splendidly 
 encouraging to us as to his purpose, and yet discouraging in 
 his actions when with his crowd. We must be patient untU his 
 actions begin to catch up with his ideals. 
 
 Although we have used the word "government" in the 
 title of this chapter, our task during this period is really to 
 guide rather than to govern. We have now the perilous 
 but important privilege of transferring authority from our- 
 selves to our children. This transfer is less dangerous in 
 the homes where provision has been made for it. In a 
 previous chapter we spoke of the necessity of filling the 
 treasure house during the years of fullness for the years of 
 famine that are to follow. The child should by this time be 
 in possession of a treasure house of good habits, of family 
 traditions, of good ideals that have been crystalHzed by books, 
 of good examples lived by his parents and friends, and by the 
 inspiration of living and dead heroes. Out of this treasure 
 
 [234] 
 
METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 house his Hfe should be fed as he starts on his pilgrimage into 
 maturity. 
 
 It would seem that, in a well-regulated family, while it is 
 not desirable that one's life should be directed in all things 
 by rule, yet some things should by this time have come to 
 be pretty definitely fixed, as regards the daily program and 
 the kind of behavior that shall be permitted under various 
 circumstances. It is true that even in following out the old 
 habits a new spirit begins to be discernible. The girl con- 
 sults her mother less about the details of her toilet and the 
 boy shuns the old-established, sympathetic intercourse. Even 
 in the realms of habit there is manifested a growing individ- 
 uality that makes the youth feel that he must now take 
 charge of his own life. "If," says a wise adviser, "the mother 
 can only be wise enough to let go of the arbitrary hand of 
 parental authority and grasp with the gentle hand of kindly 
 sympathy, she will find the grasp firmer, surer, and stronger 
 with the passing years." 
 
 The limits of habitual action during these years should 
 be not so much the judgment of the parent as the rights 
 of others. So long as the young person is not making 
 himself a nuisance to the rest of the family a good many 
 acts may be permitted which cannot possibly do any harm 
 except to himself, and which, perhaps, will hardly do that so 
 long as they teach him the wiser way. Under this head 
 perhaps comes the matter of clothing. Many a mother is 
 distracted between a son who wants to go out in all weathers 
 meagerly clad and a daughter who wants to dress unsuitably 
 for a young maiden. She feels that she may take some risks 
 with the boy, whose warmer temperature and greater re- 
 sisting power will probably defend him from physical harm, 
 but she prays for the day when the daughter may have sense 
 and perception enough to see that the best charm of a 
 maiden is not that she be gaudily conspicuous, but that she 
 
 [235] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 look like a child as long as possible. For this latter case 
 no wiser word can be said than that of President Stanley 
 Hall: "Broaden by retarding." 
 
 One effective method of establishing happiness in a home, 
 by mutual limitation of annoyance to others, is to call all the 
 members together and form a partnership, with father and 
 mother as the senior members of the firm, each child being 
 apportioned some particular work which contributes directly 
 or indirectly to the comfort of all the others. One contract, 
 which was drawn up in an actual home, is quoted by Mrs. 
 Birney : 
 
 " 'We, the undersigned, love each other with all our hearts, 
 and we want to do all we can to make our home the happiest 
 place in the world. We will try always to be patient, kind 
 and thoughtful, and to do cheerfully, and to the best of our 
 ability, whatever our part of the household work may be. 
 We will try to close the doors after us in winter, and not 
 to bang the screen doors in summer, to remember to use 
 the doormat in muddy weather, to keep our things in order, 
 to put the hammer back in place,' etc., etc. 
 
 "On occasion children are delighted with a certain amount 
 of form and ceremony, and pleasure will invariably be de- 
 rived from the drawing up of the contract, its impressive 
 reading by father or mother, the discussion of it with further 
 suggestions from the children, its final adoption by a unani- 
 mous vote, and lastly, the affixing of signatures, even the 
 four-year-old having his hand guided, his name appearing 
 in big, scrawly letters which differentiate it for practical rea- 
 sons from the other signatures. 
 
 "Once a week the contract should be read aloud to the 
 assembled family; no one should ever publicly be accused 
 of having failed to live up to its spirit, but it should be 
 tacitly understood on such occasions that acknowledgment 
 and apology should be made for specifie shortcomings dur- 
 
 [236] 
 
METHODS OF GOVERNMENT 
 
 ing the week past; that is, such shortcomings as affected the 
 entire or even great part of the family." 
 
 Another mother, of whom Mrs. Kate Upson Clark tells, 
 appointed each morning one of her children "captain of the 
 day." "The captain of the day was helped always first at 
 table, the next younger was helped next, and so on, until the 
 circle was completed." This captain took charge of the dis- 
 cipline during the day. "The idea of his responsibility is so 
 fully impressed upon him that it is rarely necessary to inter- 
 fere with the captain's discipline." 
 
 With an adolescent boy or girl this partnership of sympathy 
 may wisely extend to confidences regarding the family con- 
 cerns and anxieties. "Watch the youth of fourteen," some- 
 one says, "when his judgment is asked relative to some home 
 arrangement; and if it is possible for you to agree with his 
 suggestions, isn't it worth your tact and patience as you 
 notice the glow of ambition and pride written all over the 
 boy, as he reahzes that he has actually formed one of the 
 advisory board?" 
 
 Mere habit of course is helpless in solving the new situa- 
 tions of adolescence. But by this time there should also be 
 some gathered strength of will. Someone has defined char- 
 acter as the sum of our choices. The young person who by 
 this time has not only done the right because he has been 
 obliged to, but has for some years consecutively chosen to 
 do the right, is in a position not to be overwhelmed by the 
 new consciousness and powers that are now his. 
 
 Moral Relations: Will 
 Our greatest opportunity is in the guidance and education 
 of the will. Fundamentally what all this turmoil and change 
 indicates is this: The will is coming to birth. We dare not 
 slash at it ruthlessly lest we destroy its vigor; we cannot let 
 it grow wild lest it becomes dangerous. We believe with 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 President Stanley Hall that the will is really a compound of 
 our interests and we crave that the child shall carry the 
 fresh enthusiasms of youth into the sober days of maturity. 
 "The whole pedagogy of adolescence," says Dr. E. G. Lan- 
 caster, "is to inspire enthusiastic activity." We, therefore, 
 quietly drop the word "don't" from our vocabulary. We 
 endeavor to keep the youth active; give him something to 
 do, with us, day and night. We give him his religion even 
 in affairs of doing rather than of believing, and we make 
 the transfer of responsibilities from ourselves to our children 
 just as fast as it is safe to do so. 
 
 Every youth should do what he wishes part of the time, 
 but should be definitely directed part of the time and should 
 always have something besides himself to occupy his atten- 
 tion. "Something in which he is interested," says Kirk- 
 patrick, "that stimulates him to achieve, even though not 
 valuable in itself, is absolutely necessary. All sorts of stunts 
 and fads may thus temporarily serve a useful purpose." Do 
 we realize what a wholesome part physical training and 
 athletics may have as time-fillers and outlets for otherwise 
 aimless and unregulated energy? In the athletics of a well- 
 conducted high school, which are not only accepted but 
 actually regulated by the school faculty, we have a direct 
 antidote for the soft sensuality of the age, a direct stimulus 
 to school loyalty, a corrective to idle day-dreaming, a stimu- 
 lus for scholarship, and a broadening influence by the travel, 
 the business experiences and the sportsmanlikeness which 
 are exercised in different ways through interscholastic 
 competition. 
 
 Even better is some form of work or some little enterprise 
 of business, because it is productive. A boy who has learned 
 the value of a dollar by earning it is not so likely to get 
 into moral difficulties as one who regards his father as a 
 depository. 
 
 [238] 
 
CHAPTER XX 
 
 RULING MOTIVES 
 We must realize that we are now dealing with a creature 
 who is beginning to get up speed under his own motive 
 power. In these years when this motive power still needs 
 guidance as well as stimulation, we have to find out what 
 this power is like. What are the ruling motives during 
 adolescence? One of them is 
 
 Self-respect 
 There is nothing that the young person dreads more than 
 to be ridiculous. This explains his absolute determination 
 to have his neckties and clothing of the extremest mode of 
 which he has seen examples in his young circle. This also 
 explains why his "gang" is to him public opinion, for it is 
 the voice of what seems to him the highest tribunal. We 
 may take advantage of this motive, even though it be not 
 the highest one. It is a potent help toward cleanliness and 
 neatness of person. It assists the child in learning social 
 graces and in practising the outer signs of courtesy. So far 
 as it conventionalizes his conduct it delivers him from the 
 more brutal vices, and if the motive can be lifted to the 
 level of the respect which a gentleman owes himself, it 
 makes the child immune to the lower temptations, for, as 
 President Stanley Hall tells us: "Of all safeguards honor 
 is the most effective at this age." This is a good time in 
 which to appeal to the pride of clan, to tell the stories of 
 ancestors who were brave and pure and courtly, and to set 
 up a standard for the family beneath which no member of 
 it will care to fall. The school teacher finds that pride in 
 
 [239] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 the school is one of the most potent motives of student 
 discipline. 
 
 "My children always sing better," the father of the Peet 
 family of concert singers used to say in public, "when they 
 are applauded." All lives give better music when they arc 
 praised. No matter what may be the perturbations in a par- 
 ent's heart, he must steadily retain the attitude of expectancy 
 for his child. No matter how much the child may become 
 discouraged concerning himself, and during the moody 
 years of adolescence there are many days of utter despair, 
 the parent will always insist to him that, no matter how 
 many mistakes or failures he may make, he is going to 
 come out all right. More youths have been saved by feel- 
 ing beneath themselves the solid rock of confidence of a 
 parent than by any other one fact. "It is," says Orison 
 Swett Marden, "a very dangerous, wicked thing to destroy a 
 child's self-faith." Children are very easily discouraged. 
 Some of the most hopeful children develop very slowly, 
 while some brilliant children show, during the process of 
 development, very trying traits. While overpraise is as bad 
 for a child as utter neglect, appreciation of the efifort and 
 enthusiasm shown by the youth at playing the violin, at mak- 
 ing some little composition or some mechanical device, may 
 be just the inspiration needed to bring forth a nascent talent 
 to the sunshine. 
 
 In his "Mind in the Making," Dr. Edgar J. Swift gives us a 
 striking catalog of instances, many of which are familiar, of 
 men who became great who showed little promise during 
 adolescence. Charles Darwin was "singularly incapable of 
 mastering any language." His father told him he would 
 be a disgrace to himself and his family. Napoleon Bonaparte 
 stood forty-second in his class at the military school, but 
 who were the forty-one above him? Patrick Henry "ran 
 wild in forests like one of the aborigines and divided his life 
 
 [240] 
 
RULING MOTIVES 
 
 between dissipation and the languor of inaction." So little 
 ability did Sir Isaac Newton show that at fifteen he was 
 taken out of school and set to work upon a farm. Lord 
 Byron succeeded in reaching the head of his class only by 
 inverting the proper order so that the most ignorant were 
 temporarily placed first. Oliver Goldsmith's teacher "thought 
 him one of the dullest boys that she had ever tried to teach." 
 Henry Ward Beecher was a "poor writer and a miserable 
 speller, with a thick utterance and a bashful reticence that 
 seemed like stupidity." One simply cannot afford to prophesy 
 failure for a boy who has not found himself. 
 
 Hero-worship 
 Another ruling motive is that of hero-worship. "Every 
 man," someone has said, "is some boy's hero." Many a boy 
 who would almost fight at the implication that he is a "good 
 boy" is quite willing to show any of the qualities that charac- 
 terize the man he admires, who may chance to be one of the 
 best of men. The youth is now a loyal St. Christopher, 
 searching for his strongest master. A great privilege for the 
 father is to be his own son's or daughter's hero during these 
 impressionable years. You can guide a youth, Kirtley tells 
 us, in the course you want him to take by the inte^rest he 
 takes in those who are going that way. What an extraordinary 
 personality must have been that of Mike Murphy, late athletic 
 coach at the University of Pennsylvania, who could say to the 
 men of a losing football team between halves, "If you can't 
 win for the sake of Penn, if you can't win for the sake of your 
 mothers and sweethearts, go into the game and win for me!" 
 They won the game. How many men do you yourselves 
 know who could say a thing like that and not be laughed 
 at? That such a man should live and not only talk so but be 
 followed to victory is not at all incredible to your adolescent 
 son. He has just felt that way toward some man himself. 
 
 [241] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 Was Dr. Slaughter too emphatic when he said, "The chief 
 value of great men is to fertilize the imagination of adoles- 
 cents"? He was saying that heroes have not appeared in the 
 world's history at random. They are the final expression of 
 various vocational types — the sailor, the soldier, the engineer, 
 the adventurer, the man of affairs. Thus they connect them- 
 selves with the interests of childhood, and inspire children 
 and youth to follow them. It is of distinct advantage if we 
 can bring our offspring into either personal or imaginative 
 relations during adolescence with men who are leaders, par- 
 ticularly in the vocational fields toward which our children 
 themselves seem inclined. Even better is it that they should 
 know a man or woman who is grandly following one of the 
 idealistic callings. Some of us have felt that it was asset 
 enough for such a life as his that Dr. Grenfell should come 
 to the States every other winter from his heroic work in 
 Labrador, simply that our young people might meet him and 
 grasp his hand. 
 
 In reply to the question, "How can I gain the confidence of 
 my daughter?" a wise mother has answered, "Never, never 
 lose it; retain it, give sympathy, enter into all her plans and 
 sympathize in all her trials ; these may seem small to you, but 
 they are her trials; and when you do not approve, do not be 
 too stern and drive her from you; a word of advice and counsel 
 will do more good than scolding and prohibiting." So anxious 
 are parents both as to the good conduct and the good repma- 
 tion of their children that nearly all need that admonition 
 which is more required during this period than any other: 
 Don't nag. It is hard to endure in silence the noisy turbu- 
 lence, the ungoverned expressions of passion, the thoughtless 
 and selfish conduct of this era, but the parent can never hold 
 a large influence over his growing child by being little himself. 
 It is the parent who retains a certain large, tolerant attitude 
 toward his child who reaches that happiest of all periods, the 
 
 [242] 
 
RULING MOTIVES 
 
 time when the young man or woman actually wants the coun- 
 sel of his parents. It is perhaps fortunate that during adoles- 
 cence all boys and many girls tend to turn from their mothers 
 to their fathers. Men, because of their broader daily expe- 
 rience, are supposed to look at things in a larger way, and 
 the father who appreciates his privilege ought at this time to 
 be in a position to be trusted and depended upon as never 
 before. 
 
 There are some possibilities in calling the attention of our 
 children to the finer traits in the leading members of their 
 "gangs" or sets. The appeal of the Bible now more than any 
 other period is that of heroic biography. 
 
 Responsibility 
 Another ruling motive is that of responsibility. Many a 
 boy will do work well if he is in charge of the job. Now, 
 more than ever, we should give very young people chances to 
 use their sense. This is perhaps the place in which to em- 
 phasize the value of dealing fairly with our children in finan- 
 cial matters. In many homes there is no definite understand- 
 ing as to what money shall be given to the children; in others 
 the small allowance of earlier years has been continued, the 
 parent carelessly thinking that it represents as much as the 
 child ought to spend on his pleasures. The result is that when 
 the boy or girl wishes any special indulgence he goes to his 
 father, who responds according to his mood or immediate 
 ability; then he holds up his mother for the rest. The father 
 feels consciously that he is not handling this as he does other 
 financial matters, the mother recognizes her weakness in 
 yielding to entreaty, and the youth feels that he has been 
 treated like a little child. The writer is very strongly 
 convinced, both by theory and experience, that the only 
 proper way to treat a child in the home is to give him a 
 weekly allowance, which will be one fifty-second of the care- 
 
 [ 243 ] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 fully estimated cost of the child's needs during the year, 
 exclusive of board and such accidents as doctor's bills, to be 
 paid over to the child without question every week. By 
 this method the child gets an opportunity to learn the value 
 of money by having enough to learn the value with. We do not 
 teach children to swim in the bathtub, and we do not send them 
 to school without text-books; yet we expect them to learn the 
 uses of money without money. The author recalls his first 
 experience with this plan with mingled pleasure and amuse- 
 ment; he remembers how, as a result of his first experiment 
 his second son refused advice regarding the matter of the pur- 
 chase of a suit of clothes, and came back from town with 
 raiment so loud in color that the dogs in the street fairly 
 barked in derision. The experiment was not such an ex- 
 pensive one, since the suit was not entirely inappropriate for 
 everyday wear. The next time the boy eagerly sought the 
 advice of his father, and now he can choose his clothes more 
 wisely and more carefully than his parent. 
 
 The value of this plan is more than that of a device, for 
 it is really a principle. The child, partly because of his own 
 preciousness and partly because he is of some real financial 
 value to the home, deserves to be recognized as a sort of part- 
 ner. What he receives should not be doled out as a sum given 
 an infant, but a fair share of the family income should be his. 
 In return for this he should, of course, perform his share of 
 service. What that service shall be should be put in the 
 form of a contract at the time he begins to receive his income. 
 The receipt of this allowance, like his father's receipt of salary, 
 should depend upon his fulfillment of this contract. It is 
 astonishing how far-reaching are the effects of this plan. It 
 applies not merely to financial affairs but to the determination 
 of other questions. The matter of money is so closely inter- 
 twined with all a young person's pleasures and problems that 
 the placing of the youth upon his own responsibility and 
 
 [244] 
 
RULING MOTIVES 
 
 honor works out many difficulties of a varied character. 
 The writer can recall hardly any instance during the last four 
 years when it has been necessary for him to interfere arbi- 
 trarily in any matter in which his children's decisions were 
 involved. He has often overheard, some evening, part of a 
 telephone conversation in the room adjoining his living-room, 
 in which it was apparent that one of his sons was receiving 
 an invitation to a party. The reply would be, "Hold the line 
 a moment until I look at my book to see if I have a date." 
 The book to which he referred was, of course, his account 
 book. Sometimes he would reply regretfully that he found that 
 he did have an engagement ; again the answer would be a glad 
 acceptance. But sometimes an even wiser answer would be 
 given. "Wait until I see you tomorrow morning, and I will 
 tell you whether I can go or not." This meant that there was 
 money in the treasury, but that the boy wished to think over 
 night whether the pleasure was worth while. The father 
 found that all things were being measured by this criterion: 
 "Is it worth while?" As soon as the child begins to judge by 
 this standard he is an adult in reason and may be safely 
 trusted in the major part of his own decisions. 
 
 As to the question whether young people should now 
 be paid for tasks performed about the house, the writer finds 
 himself in hearty agreement with Kirtley: 
 
 "To some extent his work ought to have material remunera- 
 tion. Often he wants no more than the pleasure of helping 
 and the appreciation he deserves. Those two rewards must 
 never fail to come. If there is no form of interest he can take 
 in his work, it will become only eye-service. . . . 
 
 "It is of the highest importance that he receive some of 
 the rewards in order to gratify and train his sense of owner- 
 ship and responsibility, to satisfy his sense of right and to 
 secure the uncoerced co-operation of his will. The sharing 
 may be in indirect ways. Even if his part goes back into the 
 
 [245] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 common fund for the support of the family, he is usually 
 willing, provided he can have the pleasure of being in the 
 combine, and can retain his sense of freedom. 
 
 "His ownership of his earnings is to be recognized, 
 even though he is not to be left without instructions as to 
 the way he should handle them. Habits of thrift must be 
 taught both in the work done and in the care taken of his 
 possessions." 
 
 Let us beware, however, lest the only times that we are 
 serious with the boy should be when we are urging him to 
 "make a success" in the sense of making money. Really, 
 getting a lot of money is by no means a part of religion, and 
 only the home which believes and teaches what the main 
 business of life is to be, is the home that can give a youth a re- 
 ligious basis for living. 
 
 It is hard for us to realize, as President King says, that 
 "one of the inalienable rights of every human being is the 
 right to make at least some blunders of his own." It is the 
 rather startling theory of Gerald Stanley Lee that some 
 people are prevented by reading of sins in books from com- 
 mitting some of their own. It may be that some of the faults 
 of youth have a similar immunizing value in forestalling more 
 serious deeds that otherwise might be committed later. In 
 learning to swim we expect a boy to begin by floundering; 
 nevertheless we put him in the water; in learning to play 
 baseball or golf, we expect him to miss the ball; nevertheless 
 we put into his hands the bat or the stick. We do not, how- 
 ever, show a similarly free willingness for actual experiment 
 in other matters of choice. The boy wants to go to places 
 where his parents feel they cannot permit him to go; other 
 boys go, why not he? Is it not time that he was taught self- 
 government? Soon they cannot prevent him, as in the past, 
 by simply prohibiting. "Would it not be wiser to say," as an 
 experienced mother suggested, " 'Now, my son, it is time you 
 
 [246] 
 
RULING MOTIVES 
 
 learned to decide for yourself. Only a few years, and you 
 must go from under the parental roof. Then mother and 
 father may not be near to decide for you, even if you desire 
 it, as no doubt you often will, so I shall not say you cannot go, 
 but leave you to decide. You have perhaps had better teach- 
 ing than some of the boys you mention; if so, more will be 
 required of you by the hand of God. I have confidence in 
 you, and believe you want to do right. I shall be glad to 
 advise you, but must leave you to decide.' By this course 
 you may teach him a lesson in self-government, which is so 
 frequently neglected. When your boy gets from under 
 restraint, never having exercised the power of self-govern- 
 ment, of self-control, he goes into vice, and we wonder 
 why the children of good parents should turn out so 
 badly." 
 
 We have advocated during the earlier periods of childhood 
 some measure of natural penalty. We must still trust our- 
 selves, and our children to some extent, to this method. 
 Since we can no longer punish the child, we must allow him to 
 punish himself. While it sometimes seems to us that the 
 results of his conduct in pain or loss of reputation are serious, 
 they are bound to be less serious than if he made those 
 mistakes later — as he is bound to do if he does not learn self- 
 government now — when he is away from home. 
 
 The youth who objects very much now to the destruction 
 of his own property by a younger brother or sister or play- 
 mate is prepared to recognize the fairness of paying for 
 breakages which he causes himself, or accepting a financial 
 fine for certain inconveniences which he causes to others. It 
 is well, as far as feasible, to have some preliminary under- 
 standing or arrangement to whose justice the child will con- 
 sent. It must be remembered that an allowance is inviolable 
 and that once it is promised or given the parent has no right 
 to take it away without the child's consent. 
 
 [247] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 Here is another argument for giving a boy a room of his 
 own. He needs a sanctuary, a place to be by himself where 
 he can think out his long, long thoughts, a chance to get out 
 of the influence of his gang and even of his parents, so that he 
 may become a personality. Through the decoration of his 
 room he can objectify his own thoughts, expressing his grow- 
 ing ideals through the articles, both useful and ornamental, 
 with which he fills it. Here in hours of overstress he can let 
 off steam and make more noise than could be borne in any 
 other part of the house. He will be fairly quiet everywhere 
 else if he knows that there is one room always at his disposal 
 for free self-expression. A boy as well as a girl sometimes 
 wants to cry, and he ought to have the privilege of a wailing- 
 post in solitude. 
 
 The youth is brought to full individuality chiefly by the 
 exercise of responsibility. "The majority of people who have 
 been of the greatest service in the world," says Mrs. Bimey, 
 "are those who are capable of taking responsibility." 
 
 Chivalry 
 The youth who hardly seems mature enough to accept 
 responsibility for his own self proudly assumes the responsi- 
 bility of caring for one younger and feebler. It is, perhaps, 
 hardly ennobling for a woman to make an appeal of her own 
 weakness, but a boy is always inspired when she appeals to his 
 strength on her behalf. The teacher in school, the leader in a 
 summer camp, and the parent in the home find that the youth 
 who is asked to be responsible for the welfare of little folks 
 seldom deserts or betrays his trust. "If he would be 
 masterful, overbearing and pugnacious," says Munroe, 
 "put him in charge of weaker or smaller boys, making 
 him responsible for their safety, and, unknown to him, 
 those wards of his will protect him far more than he will 
 them." 
 
 [248] 
 
RULING MOTIVES 
 
 A Life Purpose 
 
 Gradually out of individuality grows a life purpose. The 
 reader may not at first agree with that strong statement of 
 President Eliot's: "The career-motive holds more spiritual 
 content than any other." Yet interpreting the phrase 
 broadly, is not this true? As soon as the youth has seized 
 the helm of his own life, does he not find that he has repeated 
 that critical experience which came to Robert Louis Steven- 
 son when he said, reverently, that, after a restless youth, try- 
 ing to master himself, he came at length "right about" and 
 discovered that he had been in charge of "the helmsman, 
 God"? 
 
 "It is not of so much consequence," says President Hyde, 
 "what a boy knows when he leaves school, as what he loves." 
 May not a part of the meaning be that his interests, his choice 
 of a vocation, his friendships, his religious purposes, all that 
 constitute his life-ideal, are worth more than all his book- 
 knowledge? 
 
 Combination of Motives 
 
 Let us' not think that these ruling motives are like a set of 
 push-buttons which when pressed in turn release certain cur- 
 rents of activity. They are rather like the notes of a piano, 
 and the wise parent-player finds that he can make music by 
 playing them in chords. Felix Adler instances the virtue of 
 cleanhness, which he says we may arrive at by appealing at 
 one time to the aesthetic instinct, at another to the prudential, 
 again to the motive of self-respect, to sympathy, and some- 
 times to two or more of them at once. They all, he says, 
 "say Amen! to the moral" instinct. 
 
 [249 I 
 
CHAPTER XXI 
 
 THE PRODIGAL 
 
 The Situation and Its Causes 
 Some children endowed with exceptional vigor and pre- 
 cocity do not yield readily to the governmental methods that 
 have been suggested. The play spirit seems to have gone 
 wild. They may be living in a world of baseless romance. 
 Keenly desirous to know the world, with the passions of a 
 man and the self-restraint of a boy, the vigor of a man and 
 the judgment of a boy, such an one is ripe for any course of 
 conduct which suggests itself to him. He may play truant 
 constantly or drop back of his grade in school; he may run 
 away from home ; he may at home or elsewhere become dissi- 
 pated; in any case, he is likely to enter into many changes, 
 perhaps failing in one school after another or in one position 
 after another and showing a discouraging lack of aptitude for 
 anything in particular. 
 
 While this is the period when the boy naturally turns to 
 his father rather than to his mother for complete under- 
 standing, the writer is persuaded that more prodigality is 
 caused by alienations of sons from careless and unregarding 
 fathers than by any other one thing. "What shall I do," 
 pathetically wrote a lad of thirteen to me the other day, "to 
 get my father interested in baseball? There doesn't seem to 
 be anything we can talk about together, and as you can imag- 
 ine we are not very good friends." It is not hard to prophesy 
 the tragedy that will probably soon come in the future of 
 that youth, just entering upon the most trying years of his 
 life, when he is, so far as sympathetic fellowship is concerned, 
 
 [250! 
 
THE PRODIGAL 
 
 a half-orphan. How pungently Dr. Arthur Holmes pictures 
 a common situation of the adolescent boy : 
 
 "He wants to do, in nine cases out of ten, exactly what his 
 fond father wishes to save him from doing, exactly the things 
 his father counts his own youthful errors : to play exactly the 
 games and to have the toys his wise parent now considers a 
 waste, an absolute waste of juvenile time that might be em- 
 ployed in learning something useful, something that would 
 eventually enable the boy to gain a larger place amongst his 
 future adult fellows or possibly secure for himself a httle 
 more of the world's goods. The untutored father cannot for 
 a moment imagine that success in life can be measured in 
 terms of a boy's world; is utterly oblivious to the fact that a 
 boy is an individual ; that he has a real world of his own ; that 
 in that world he has as much moral right to succeed in his 
 way as his father has to succeed in his world in his way. The 
 father does what he instinctively feels is right ; the boy wants 
 to do what he feels instinctively is right. The father is bursting 
 with ambition to make himself a place in his world ; tfie Boy 
 is bursting with ambition to make himself a place in his 
 world. The friction comes about because the father is fool- 
 ish enough to wish to impose his instincts upon the instincts 
 of the boy. He will forever insist that it is possible to put 
 an old head on young shoulders." 
 
 Most parents who misunderstand their sons have only a 
 vague impression that they are disappointing; they are seldom 
 able to take the lad's viewpoint and realize that constant 
 antagonisms have developed in his mind into active animosity. 
 It is the tragedy of youth that it is extreme, and many very 
 good parents, whose only fault has been lack of insight, would 
 be broken-hearted to learn that their children had ceased to 
 feel aflfection for them. The writer has in mind a man whose 
 parent had failed only once in appreciation of the son's motive, 
 but in a matter of the greatest moment, who testified that 
 
 [251] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 from that time onward that parent's influence became a 
 nonentity in his life and that thirty years afterward he was 
 unable entirely to check the sense of repugnance which he 
 had always carried. Such entire breaks are, fortunately, usually 
 temporary, but they often last through the years when young 
 people are most in need of loving and wise adult influence. 
 
 The attitudes of parents which most frequently cause 
 alienation between them and their sons are two, and they are 
 so simple that they might easily be avoided. One is that of in- 
 tolerance^of regarding the boy, who is very likely something 
 of a hero in his own circle, as an outlaw whenever he enters 
 the house; and the other is that of stubbornness — of being 
 unready to do that most fair but difficult thing, apologize to 
 the boy when one is wrong. 
 
 When a young person is in the frame of mind described at 
 the beginning of this chapter, no matter what the cause or 
 occasion, what shall be done with him? 
 
 Shall He Be Put to Work? 
 When a workingman finds his son restless or unsuccessful 
 in school, he usually cuts the matter short by putting him to 
 work. Sometimes this is the best course for those who are 
 not the sons of workingmen. If the child is suflfering from 
 too much luxury and ease or too much spending-money or 
 has become spoiled by too much play and athletics for serious 
 work, this may be just what he needs, and it may teach him 
 the value of money and of school. The work chosen, how- 
 ever, should be selected chiefly for its educative rather than 
 its financial interest. It is to be thought of as another kind 
 of school. The youth still needs an education, and to put 
 him into a blind-alley occupation will not only stop his edu- 
 cation but also take away his courage. The only possible 
 advantage of this sort of drudgery is that he may get so tired 
 of it as to choose school again in desperation. There is, no 
 
 [252] 
 
THE PRODIGAL 
 
 doubt, a type of boy who must get his education in this way, 
 and if ours be one of these, we ought not to be discouraged 
 if this turns out to be the course of study that fits him best. 
 Sometimes superabundant energy put to work upon a busi- 
 ness or a shop problem finds its own moral corrective. 
 With a precocious boy, work has the advantage of 
 giving the body time to catch up with the mind, and it avoids 
 the danger which comes from sending a child to college before 
 he is old enough to appreciate the best things a college has 
 to give. 
 
 Shall We Send Him Away to School? 
 Another alternative, adopted by many parents, is to send 
 a difficult boy or girl away to school. This is to be done only 
 as a last resort. If the parents are actually incompetent 
 through ill-health or engrossment or lack of ability, this ex- 
 pedient may be tried. The probability is that there is no one 
 on earth whom such a boy or girl needs so much at just this 
 time when he seems least to appreciate them as his own 
 parents. The moral eiifect of sending a child into exile is 
 itself to be deprecated. Parents, too, sometimes forget that 
 the kind of school which they choose as a retreat for their 
 son — a military academy for example — has also been selected 
 by the parents of a good many other boys like their own. 
 Wise and skilful though the teachers of such an institution 
 may be, the boy is shaped so much more by his fellow pupils 
 than by his masters that the moral results of such a polite 
 reform school are often quite disappointing. There are a 
 few schools where daily hard work, carried on with enthusi- 
 astic school spirit, is a part of the program in which a mis- 
 understood boy may develop leadership, discover himself and 
 learn to appreciate his home. 
 
 Shall We Let Him Wander? 
 It is not so dangerous for a bright-minded boy to go out 
 
 [253] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 into the world and earn his living as some parents suppose. 
 In some instances it seems necessary to let the youth have 
 free course for a while and provide for himself, while at the 
 same time unobtrusively surrounding him with as many 
 friends and helpful influences as possible. 
 
 Influences That Will Bring Him Home 
 The prodigal usually returns. One of many influences may 
 bring him back. We are told of the Prodigal in the parable 
 that "when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in 
 that land, and he began to be in want." The result of having 
 his own way usually satisfies a lad within a short time. The 
 time when he has used up his resources is apt to be coincident 
 with the time when his new-found friends desert him and his 
 new-found experiences pall upon him. Sometimes sickness" 
 of body and sometimes sickness of soul brings him back home. 
 Sometimes he simply awakens from his illusions and knows 
 the truth that his best future is to be where he belongs. 
 Again, his experiences may have discovered for him new 
 purposes which he hastens to return to fulfill. As to which 
 of the home influences is most powerful in leading him back, 
 it would be hard to say. Home itself, with its food, its friend- 
 liness, its understanding, no doubt powerfully attracts him. 
 The patient love of those who have awaited his return and will 
 welcome him without upbraiding is enough. Yet no doubt 
 the homely influence of force of habit underlies almost every 
 prodigal's return. He simply cannot break the lengthening 
 chain of right-doing which has been forged for him ever since 
 he was a young child. 
 
 Usually the combination of simplicity, dramatized activities, 
 patient companionship and a just but stringent financial allow- 
 ance, while retaining the child at home, will tide him over 
 this time of unrest until he awakens to better sense and self- 
 command. 
 
 [254] 
 
THE PRODIGAL 
 
 One of the most reassuring facts about the prodigal 
 deeds of adolescence is that while they may be very vigorous, 
 lawless and even lustful, they are not often, as we suppose, 
 manifestations of the will — that is, of the real and whole self 
 of the youth. They are to a degree experimental and imita- 
 tive, even conventional. These acts are like those of a lot of 
 half-broken colts whose driver has not taken command of 
 them. If they run loose long enough, the driver, who cannot 
 control them, may like to persuade himself that they are going 
 in the direction in which he intended to go, but what usually 
 happens is that he suddenly shows unexpected strength and 
 forcefulness and that they quietly subside and trot along under 
 harness. 
 
 [2551 
 
CHAPTER XXII 
 
 SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 If we be honest we must acknowledge that the sexual im- 
 pulse becomes in the lives of many young men so powerful 
 that even ideals, prayers and the influence of good fathers 
 and mothers are hardly effective to stay the compulsion. No 
 doubt the sex-hungers are stimulated by certain social facts : 
 our high-keyed amusements, the relaxation of college and 
 fraternal festivals, animal dances, the solitude and freedom of 
 the first departure from home, the necessary postponement 
 of marriage, the presence in the world of weak and foolish 
 young women who are tempters, and the coarse mascuUne 
 ideals that are still current. Within the young man, assist- 
 ing his erotic tendency, is the instinct to dare, to experiment 
 and to find out, and the equally ancient instinct -to chase and 
 to make love. 
 
 At this period, our great task is, as President Eliot has 
 said, "to modify toward purity and chivalrous gentleness the 
 animal instincts of man." To attempt to do this entirely by 
 spiritual means is like trying to shovel earth with a silk spade. 
 To endeavor to do it entirely by material means is like trying 
 to shovel air with an iron spade. 
 
 The limitation of a solely idealistic approach is that it is 
 vagueness without the basis of sound knowledge. The weak- 
 ness of the eugenic ideal, for instance, is that the youth has 
 no knowledge and can have little care for the welfare of the 
 conjectural people of the future. 
 
 The disappointment which will come to parents who expect 
 to secure right living entirely through spiritual appeals will 
 be due to the fact that adolescence is not by any means en- 
 
 [256] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 tirely a spiritual period. It is, according to testimony of 
 all psychologists, irresponsible, incoherent, restless and 
 independent. 
 
 Good Motives 
 Every possible motive must now be brought to bear to 
 upstay the will and to keep the life stainless. With one the 
 personal motives will avail: self-respect, the noblesse oblige 
 that will not hunt down a woman or hurt a child, refinement 
 and disgust, what Mr. Roosevelt calls "truculent integrity." 
 and even the fear of personal injury. A deliberate choice 
 for good may appear, based upon any or all of these self- 
 formulated considerations. With another the social passion 
 will be more effective: loyalty to clan, reverence of mother- 
 hood in the person of his own mother and in that of all 
 mothers, chivalry to sisterhood in the person of his own and 
 in the unwillingness to make a thrall of the sister of another, 
 the sense of responsibility to society and the unwillingness to 
 become a social criminal, the sense of outrage at contami- 
 nating the springs of birth, fidelity to the wife and children 
 that are to be. With still another the religious motive will 
 triumph: the manly fear of God, horror at sin, a passion for 
 the pure kingdom of heaven on earth. The parents who 
 watch with prayerful apprehension our young gladiators as 
 they go forth to fight the lions will not be careful to pick and 
 choose among motives, if only they can light upon those 
 which will be effective. No doubt one counts at one period, 
 and another at a later one. Whichever wins, let us use it. 
 Of course the highest, if possible. Fear alone may drive a 
 man to secret vice. The self-regarding motive may divert 
 his selfishness to another channel. Yet, as has been bluntly 
 said, it is better to be scared than syphilitic. And let us now 
 call upon all the people who can help. The physician may 
 broaden the scope of information, the athlete and the camp- 
 leader may be strong examples of the strenuous life, good 
 
 [257] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 women are always helpful, busy companionship with truly 
 strong men makes for spiritual athleticism. The church is 
 never more helpful, with its unworldly passion for a better 
 age, its brotherhood to children and younger boys — even its 
 confessional and its periods of devotion. 
 
 Right Attitudes 
 
 During boyhood, when sex matters were simply factors of 
 intellectual curiosity, the passive acceptance of communicated 
 facts and ideals was enough, but now, when they involve in 
 every youth distinct, hard-won personal choice, the individual 
 attitude is everything. No wiser word upon this has ever been 
 spoken than that of Professor Maurice A. Bigelow: 
 
 "Unless we can devise some way to counteract the pre- 
 vailing narrow, vulgar, disrespectful, and irreverent attitude 
 toward all aspects of sex and reproduction; unless we can 
 make people see sexual processes in all their normal aspects 
 as noble, beautiful, and splendid steps in the great plan of 
 nature; unless we can substitute a philosophical and aesthetic 
 view of sex relationship for the time-worn interpretation of 
 everything sexual as inherently vulgar, base, ignoble, and 
 demanding asceticism for those who would reach the highest 
 spiritual development; unless we can begin to make these 
 changes in the prevailing attitude toward sex and reproduc- 
 tion, we cannot make any decided advance in the attempt 
 to help solve sex problems by special instruction. First of 
 all, sex-education must work for a purified and dignified 
 attitude which sees vulgarity and impurity only when the 
 functions of sex have been voluntarily and knowingly misuse*! 
 and thereby debased. If sex-education succeeds in giving 
 young people this enlightened attitude, there will be little 
 difficulty in solving most of the ethical and hygienic problems 
 of sex. A young man who has caught a glimpse of the 
 highest interpretation of sex in its relation to human life, in 
 
 [258] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 short, a young man to whom all natural sex processes are 
 essentially pure and noble and beautiful, is not one who will 
 make grave hygienic mistakes in his own life, and he will not 
 be personally connected with the social evil and its diseases, 
 and he will avoid almost intuitively the physiologic and 
 psychologic mistakes that most often cause matrimonial dis- 
 asters. Everything, then, in successful sex-education de- 
 pends upon the attitude formed in the minds of learners; 
 and towards this our major efiforts should be directed." 
 
 There is a character, unfortunately not unknown in the 
 high-school years, called euphemistically a "chicken- 
 snatcher" and usually the manager of a high-powered auto- 
 mobile, the influence of whose example upon sensitive and 
 hero-worshipping boys is analogous to that of the buccaneers 
 upon the imagination of youths of the Age of Elizabeth. 
 Reversing all the rules of chivalry and glorying in his immu- 
 nities, this pirate of innocence, this deluder of pleasure-loving 
 girlhood, often flourishes in a manner to cause right-thinking 
 youths the same intellectual confusion as that which threat- 
 ened the Psalmist when he saw the wicked flourishing like a 
 green bay tree. His end does not seem as sure as the end of 
 the wicked appeared to the Hebrew, and it requires all the 
 shrewdness of a worldly-wise father to enable his son to see 
 any fallacy in his career. 
 
 Gerald Stanley Lee says that "the first really important 
 shock that comes to a young man's religious sentiment in 
 this world is the number of bored-looking people around, 
 doing right." Perhaps our greatest moral task with young 
 people is to persuade them that it is not only wise to be good, 
 but happy to be good. 
 
 What we want is not a grudging but a hearty allegiance 
 to the cause of right living. "No virtue is safe," says Dr. 
 E. O. Sisson, "that is not enthusiastic." It may be too much 
 to hope that every young man will become a purity crusader, 
 
 [259] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 but he may at least be glad that he is on the manly side. In 
 a fraternity of boys, several tens of thousands in number, 
 ranging from thirteen to eighteen years of age, and called the 
 Knights of King Arthur, those who attain the second degree, 
 that of esquire, are bound together with chaste ideals and 
 chaste living as one of their watchwords. It has been a 
 matter of general observation, running now over a score of 
 years, that those who thoughtfully take this obligation to- 
 gether with their companions absorb it as an integral part 
 of their young characters and carry it on as a living principle 
 into manhood. It is also a well-known fact that the surest 
 way to commit a young college man to pure living is to per- 
 suade him to act, in some capacity, as elder brother to a com- 
 pany of younger ones. The Master's own motto, "For their 
 sakes I consecrate myself," then becomes one of the cardinal 
 doctrines of such a young man's life and acts as a guiding 
 motive long after the special connection has ceased. 
 
 Further Instruction 
 Of the matter of instruction now not much need be said. 
 The newness is not so much in the facts as in the emphasis. 
 Copulation is now, in the imagination of many chaste but in- 
 experienced youths, dreamed of as a sensual heaven. Be- 
 cause of the mystery with which it has been surrounded, the 
 generative act is thought of by many boys as, under whatever 
 circumstances performed, the acme of human felicity. It is 
 necessary to let them know that here, as in all other moral 
 issues, the body is not all. The sorrows and wages of sin are 
 nowhere more manifest than here. To harlotry belong fear, 
 self-loathing, self-indulgence, quarrelsomeness, contempt, 
 hatred, treachery, mercenary conduct, indulgence in drink, 
 criminal impulses and despair. To marriage belong love, 
 esteem, self-respect, forgiveness, courage, social obligations 
 and sacrifice. 
 
 [260] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 A fair, open-eyed knowledge of the extent and the. virulence 
 of the sexual plagues seems to be essential. The main facts 
 seem to be that gonorrhoea, formerly considered "no worse 
 than a cold," is now regarded as a malady frequently char- 
 acterized by complications, commonly explanatory of sterility, 
 apt to appear many years after it was contracted and thus 
 likely to affect one's innocent wife and children. Syphilis in- 
 fects the whole body through the blood and is both com- 
 municable and hereditary. The youth who places himself in a 
 situation where he may contract either of these diseases is 
 risking his manhood and gambling with other lives — helpless 
 ones — than his own. The removal of the veil of romance 
 from prostitution should be complete. The daughter of 
 shame should be recognized as in no sense alluring, but as in 
 the majority of cases of inferior mentality, usually a virulent 
 center of an infection whose visitations upon the unborn are 
 the greatest of tragedies, and generally weak, ignorant, ill- 
 treated and defenseless. Those who engage in clandestine sin 
 are even more dangerous because more careless and ignorant, 
 and they are generally of a social class — from the ranks of 
 servants and working-people — ^whom no high-minded youth 
 can wish to rob of their chief life treasure. Young men should 
 also be told that — no matter what assurances may be held 
 out to them — there are no precautions which will guarantee 
 immunity either to their victims or to themselves as to the 
 results of the act which constitutes their moral downfall. 
 
 ■ The "majesty of a clean family history is impressively shown 
 by a group of facts that has recently been collected. One of 
 the most inspiring is the history of the great Edwards family, 
 compiled by Dr. Winship. Even more convincing is the story 
 of the so-called Kallikak family, of which Professor Maurice 
 A. Bigelow says: 
 
 "Even making due allowance for the depressing influence 
 of the environment in which most of the down-and-out de- 
 
 [261] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 scendants in the degenerate line lived, the comparison be- 
 tween the normal and the abnormal lines from the same 
 ancestor gives the most convincing eugenic evidence that has 
 been discovered in the human race." Doubtless it will long 
 be used as a basis for earnest impulsion of youth toward the 
 establishment or continuance of a fine heredity. To those 
 who have not seen the book Dr. Bigelow's summary will be 
 interesting: 
 
 "A young man of good ancestry broke the moral law about 
 one hundred and forty years ago and became the father of 
 an illegitimate son by a feeble-minded mother. Of 480 
 descendants of this son, there have been 46 normal, many 
 immoral, many alcoholic and 143 feeble-minded. The same 
 man who back in the revolutionary days made a moral mis- 
 take which led to such awful consequences, later married a 
 woman of good family and became the progenitor of a second 
 line of 496 descendants, of whom 494 have been normal men- 
 tally (2 were affected by alliance with another family) ; and all 
 have been first-class citizens, many of them prominent in 
 business, professions, etc. 
 
 "This story of the Kallikak family will teach two important 
 lessons: (i) The biological principle that defects, both physical 
 and mental, are highly heritable, even for many generations; 
 and (2) the ethical responsibility for the sexual actions of the 
 individual who may start a long train of human disaster that 
 may visit the children unto even later than the third and fourth 
 generations. The second lesson is not biological but ethical, 
 suggesting individual responsibility for conduct which may 
 disastrously affect other individuals' lives. It seems to me 
 that so far as general education is concerned, the ethical 
 lesson is the more impressive and more likely to lead to 
 voluntary eugenic practice by individuals. It is my observa- 
 tion that even many intelligent people are not seriously im- 
 pressed by the biological evidences for eugenics considered 
 
 [262] 
 
SEX DISCIPLINE 
 
 as a general problem, but their reaction is one of interest 
 when one begins to present the question of ethical responsi- 
 bility for the transmission of physical and mental defects to 
 future generations." 
 
 There are three lies that a father ought to nail as promptly 
 as possible, which are told and believed as an excuse for 
 sensual indulgence. One is that such indulgence is a neces- 
 sity to virility. Give your son "The Physician's Answer," a 
 small leaflet compiled by Dr. Exner, containing the names of 
 over three hundred of America's leading physicians, who 
 testify thus that there is not the slightest ground for any such 
 doctrine, or remind him that the two classes that most feel 
 such "necessity" are imbeciles and degenerates. Another is 
 that at least one such indulgence is necessary to prove that 
 one is capable of his marital duties. This, of course, is utter 
 nonsense, and every young man who is vigorous enough to 
 have occasional seminal losses knows that it is nonsense. 
 One more idea is that since indulgence is natural and uni- 
 versal among the animals, it is a right and privilege that be- 
 longs to the higher human animals. This doctrine, perhaps, 
 is the outgrowth of too much emphasis upon biological analo- 
 gies. Even biologically the argument rather points the other 
 way, for man is "the only animal who makes love all the 
 year round," who copulates for any purpose other than 
 reproduction, or who artificially stimulates his desires. But 
 it is still more important to add that he is the only one who 
 has a spiritual nature potent to restrain, guide and exalt his 
 physical nature. 
 
 There is always need of specific instructions concerning the 
 ideals with which young men should approach marriage. 
 The greatest need is that they be encouraged to marry at all. 
 Bachelorhood is often a social sin, compounded of cowardice 
 and self-indulgence and a cynical view of woman. If every 
 young man could be told that there are plenty of women in 
 
 [263] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 this world who are too good for him and that it is, other 
 things being equal, his duty from every standpoint, personal, 
 social and moral, to say nothing of it as a privilege — to ex- 
 pect, to seek and to endeavor to win one of them, we shall 
 arrive at a desirable new Puritanism. 
 
 The things to be said about the physical regimen of mar- 
 riage are of great importance, but they are beyond the scope 
 of this volume. If the ideal of fatherhood, which we insisted 
 should be instilled into a boy long before he has the capacity 
 of parenthood, accompanied by complete information, can be 
 carried all the way along, and the virtue of youth focussed 
 in the family relation, even the simplest instruction will be 
 effective, because it will be utilized by one who has the divine 
 conception of marriage. 
 
 [26a] 
 
CHAPTER , XXIII 
 
 RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 Religion as a Personal Matter 
 When we talk about the religious nurture of young chil- 
 dren we emphasize habit-forming and ethical teaching. These 
 are two preparatives for good living that are administered 
 largely by adults. They are two things that, after all, are 
 externals. These are all good and proper because the young 
 child is hardly a personality and is in a stage previous to a 
 real awakening to religious impulses. But with adolescence 
 all is different. ReHgion now becomes a personal matter. 
 There is hardly a normal boy of fourteen or fifteen who is not 
 keenly sensitive to impulses which, no matter what his home 
 training and influences, we must regard as idealistic and al- 
 truistic — in short, religious. 
 
 Every part of the boy's being at this time has become 
 sensitive to religious impulses. His bodily acts are now 
 recognized, even by himself, as being expressions of the 
 spirit. Especially close is the relation between the newly- 
 developed sex-function and passions on the one hand, and the 
 ideals on the other. Every boy feels a sensitiveness of con- 
 science as to the control of this function and usually finds that 
 his growing interest in the other sex has a bearing, favorable 
 or unfavorable, upon the development of his religious ideals. 
 The boy's intellect now carries him of? into new curiosities 
 and especially on a quest for the settlement of problems now 
 for the first time recognized as personal. Socially, the boy's 
 conscience seems for a while to be in the keeping of the 
 "gang." Instead of being an individual character he and his 
 
 [ 265 ] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 chums seem to represent a conjunct character, each member 
 of which contributes certain elements. Yet after a time it is 
 noticeable that the boy has been maturing religiously some- 
 what more rapidly than he has socially, and after he is old 
 enough to have succeeded in emancipating himself from his 
 crowd it turns out that he has been achieving a definite 
 religious as well as mental character of his own. 
 
 Religious Influences 
 
 The problem of writing about religious nurture for this 
 period, then, is to say anything about the period that does 
 not have religious bearing. It would almost seem to be 
 enough to ask the reader to turn back through the preced- 
 ing chapters of this portion of the book and reread them. 
 Let us take a fresh start, however, by confining our discussion 
 to some of the influences which, whether they are consciously 
 so recognized or not, are important in affecting a boy's 
 religious life. 
 
 We ought to grant at the outset that we do not know very 
 much how the religious life develops. It is still true that "the 
 wind bloweth where it listeth, and we hear the sound thereof, 
 but know not whence it cometh nor whither it goeth: so is 
 every one that is born of the Spirit." We are aware in a 
 general way of those two types of people that William James 
 made familiar as the "once-born" and the "twice-born." The 
 twice-born have confessed themselves in literature; we know 
 of their conversions, their repentances, their backslidings and 
 their ecstasies, but really neither we nor they can say how 
 much these experiences have had to do with the life of the 
 will and with religious conduct. We ourselves who are of 
 the same type look back upon some of these experiences as 
 epoch-making to us, yet as they recede we sometimes grow 
 a bit skeptical as to their relative importance. Boys at 
 least pass through them and emerge apparently not much 
 
 [266] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 altered. It is still a fair question whether an enjoyable con- 
 version has had as much efifect upon the motives and after- 
 life of a given individual as an hour of poignant shame over 
 a failure. 
 
 The once-born are for the most part silent, and yet they 
 form no doubt a considerable and worthy minority of the 
 human race. Undoubtedly a large number of them enter the 
 kingdom of God. But their religious experience omits a 
 definite turning-point of crisis and lacks the emotional ele- 
 ments of the others. 
 
 Conversion 
 
 There was a time when, in orthodox Protestant homes, 
 the great concern was that at the proper time the children 
 should be converted. This is still with many parents the 
 most earnest expectation and endeavor. The churches to 
 which such parents usually belong arrange periodically for 
 protracted meetings or special occasions in Sunday school 
 when appeals shall be made to the young, the response to 
 which shall be such conversions. Nobody can doubt the 
 effectiveness for such a purpose of the incentives and methods 
 which are used, and there are many versed in the psychology 
 of religion who believe that such experiences are the emo- 
 tional birthright of the young soul and that such committals 
 are a powerful and divinely-planned reinforcement to the 
 religious will. 
 
 Yet we must acknowledge that increasing numbers of 
 young persons are being received into Christian churches 
 who would be genuinely puzzled if they were asked whether 
 they had been "converted," and it would be hard to prove 
 that they do not become just as good Christians. This we 
 believe on the whole to be wholesome. It indicates that 
 boys are coming along in an increasing number of homes 
 just as we have advocated, their wills trained by wholesome 
 habit-forming, their social relations carefully guarded and 
 
 [267] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 shared by their parents, their intellectual doubts frankly met 
 and their hearts trained to love that which is true, beautiful 
 and good. In such households, loyal to the Church, there is 
 the expectancy that the child will sometime be called to 
 align himself with the divine institution which is like a large 
 family, of which his parents and friends are already a part. 
 Whether we all agree with these statements or not, may we 
 not at least find a common meeting-point in the conviction 
 that the experience of conversion is by no means the only 
 influence to bring to bear upon an adolescent boy? 
 
 Prayer 
 As has already been said, it is difficult for us to appraise 
 the relative power of influences, but it would seem that prayer 
 is one of the first importance, and never more so than in the 
 days when a boy is learning by frequent failures to distrust his 
 own powers and by increasing responsibilities to feel his spirit- 
 ual loneliness. We have elsewhere urged (when speaking of the 
 Religious Nurture of School Boys) that a boy's prayers 
 should grow as he grows, but it is not easy during the reticent 
 years to learn what a boy's prayers are like. It is certainly 
 not to be supposed or hoped that a boy's private petitions are 
 those which are occasionally heard from the lips of youths in 
 Christian Endeavor meetings. We gather from those rare 
 persons who have found it possible to organize small prayer- 
 circles of boys of this age that a boy's prayers are extremely 
 short and simple and that they are chiefly characterized by 
 passionate petition for personal manliness. This, if true, 
 seems wholesome. During the years when life appears to 
 youth a good fight it would seem natural that they should 
 regard the Eternal as their Champion and that communion 
 should be to them a rehearsal of moral issues. Thus, I think, 
 we should encourage boys to pray, and if also we can persuade 
 them that those meditations which are characteristic of their 
 
 [268] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 solitudes may be turned Godward, then we help them to 
 spiritualize their day-dreaming. 
 
 The Bible 
 
 It must be confessed that the Bible often seems to lose its 
 force during the adolescent years. Some boys conscien- 
 tiously read it daily, but, one must think, as a sacred exercise 
 rather than for its contents.. They have heard its phrases 
 so long that it does not grip the attention, and few boys know 
 how to find their way in it. 
 
 We must be at least partly reconciled to this temporary 
 loss of interest in the Book of books, for we must remember, 
 what will be more distinctly pointed out a little later, that it 
 is only a part of the whole tendency of youth at this time, 
 which is to turn from books to life. In childhood the Bible 
 was enjoyed as a story book; after youth has learned some of 
 life's lessons, the Bible will remain to most men and women 
 a permanent storehouse of personal religious experiences. 
 
 The Church 
 
 We often find this anomaly: that a boy feels- religious im- 
 pulses most strongly while at the same time he regards the 
 Church with the most active distaste. Many boys become 
 impatient with church-going because they are too restless 
 physically to sit still. Sermons are hardly the natural nutri- 
 ment of youth, and many boys have not the attentive power 
 or the mastery of vocabulary to follow them intelligently 
 through. To boys even more than adults the man behind the 
 address is the principal thing, and the minister who is a 
 friend of boys finds them a challenging and friendly part of 
 his congregation. 
 
 We forget, too, that the domination of the "gang" follows 
 the boy even to church. He likes to go only where his 
 "gang" goes. If his "gang" goes to church or if he finds that 
 
 [269] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 a "gang" which he would like to join goes, then he is quite 
 willing to go, but in later adolescence, if the companions of 
 a boy are non-churchgoers, and the local church does not 
 make strong endeavor to appeal to the boy's real interests, 
 the problem of continuing such allegiance becomes a very 
 difficult one. 
 
 The Catholic Church and the Episcopal Church have been 
 especially wise, psychologically, in organizing themselves 
 about the child in a fashion imitative of the family. The 
 baptized child is accepted as a member of the ecclesiastical 
 family, potentially regenerate. It is the tradition as well as 
 the expectation that the child will come forward in adoles- 
 cence to prove his knowledge of the fundamentals of the 
 faith in the confirmation class ; instead of waiting for a cata- 
 clysmal conversion — which may not come — ^before being ad- 
 mitted into full communion, the child is admitted upon at- 
 taining a fitting age and reasonable knowledge. And it is 
 believed that in the solemn interim between the confirmation 
 and the first communion and in the activities which follow, 
 or in the fold of the church, with maturing character, spiritual 
 life will gradually appear. So far as the influence of this 
 plan can be thrown around children, what could be more 
 admirable to secure a quiet, normal Christian development? 
 
 It is the writer's observation and experience that where 
 religious committal through joining the church does not oc- 
 cur as the result of the process of training and study just 
 mentioned, it almost invariably comes through the influence 
 and example of companions. It would be hard to find a re- 
 vival. Decision Day or any other church-membership cam- 
 paign where the group-spirit is not depended upon, and few 
 ministers who work more quietly ignore the influence of 
 the "gang," clique or class in securing young adherents. 
 This testimony to the conjunct nature of religious experience 
 during adolescence has its meaning for the home, since It 
 
 1270] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 is a reminder that wholesome fellowships with children of 
 similar age in the church life are often potent influences to- 
 ward calling out into consciousness a hitherto unformulated 
 but developing religious impulse. The positive value of 
 young people's societies within the church, after committals 
 have not been made, is not in their devotional exercises, which 
 frequently strike an artificial note, but in their alliance of 
 young Christians for self-protection and in their joint activi- 
 ties in the service of others. 
 
 The Sunday School 
 
 A great deal of distress is expressed because boys of this 
 age lose their interest in Sunday school. It seems to be for- 
 gotten that they are apparently at this time not interested 
 in any kind of school. Many a youth is so engrossed with 
 his own importance just now that he does not care much 
 what anybody teaches him about anything. A great deal 
 that takes place during the "opening exercises" of most 
 Sunday schools is to the average boy a bore. "The three- 
 quarters of an hour singing is terrible" was the typical tes- 
 timony of one suffering youth. Such exercises are particu- 
 larly hard to bear if the lad has just been to church. His 
 semi-familiarity with the Bible especially causes him to feel 
 impatience with a course of study which reviews that which 
 he thinks he knows all about. He is also likely at this period 
 to scorn methods of Bible study which seem to him un- 
 scientific, and, by inference, to express contempt for the 
 Bible itself. It is necessary that courses of Bible study dur- 
 ing these years should be particularly cautious not to teach 
 a boy anything which he will later need to unlearn. The 
 same frankness and liberty of research which is given in 
 scientific subjects in high school should now be applied to 
 the Sunday school. 
 
 But the great interest of boys now is in what they call 
 
 [271] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 "real life." The popularity and success of courses of study 
 which recognize this fact even in their titles, such as "Real 
 Problems of High School Boys," "Life Problenxs of Young 
 Men," "Young People's Problems," etc., show that the youth 
 has now come to a time when he will no longer accept facts 
 on trust; when he is impatient with the question-and-answer 
 method; when he wishes to express his own opinions as 
 well as to hear others in discussion. Our best boys' classes 
 in Sunday school today are those in which strong, fearless 
 men grapple in heart-to-heart contests with their pupils upon 
 the problems of real life. 
 
 Over twenty years' observation has proven to the writer 
 that the principal reason for the exodus of boys from the 
 Sunday school during the adolescent years is the lack of 
 good teachers. In this voluntary school, whose subject is 
 life, the living teacher is everything. We are writing here 
 from the standpoint of the home. If I as a parent had a son 
 for whom there was available no worthy Sunday-school 
 teacher, I would regard the school as a complete failure so 
 far as that boy was concerned. 
 
 Personal Influence 
 This simply goes to confirm the point to which we have 
 been moving — that the best influence which we can bring to 
 bear upon a boy religiously is that of a good hero. Professor 
 Tyler quotes Wendell Phillips as saying that the power that 
 hurled slavery from its throne was young men dreaming 
 dreams by patriots' graves. He thinks, sensibly, that a great 
 orator would have acknowledged that a few living patriots 
 might vivify the dream without disturbing it. We parents 
 ought to regard as a happy day that one when our sons find 
 in Sunday school or in public school or anjrwhere else an adult 
 friend who represents in his own person qualities which are 
 really admirable for them to imitate. 
 
 [272] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 The writer recalls a splendid young Yale man whom two 
 of his own sons had as a Sunday-school teacher for six 
 years. When, toward the close of that period, he heard 
 one of them say that he would rather be like Frank Werne- 
 ken than anyone else on earth, he recognized the statement as 
 no exaggeration, since both boys were recognizably absorb- 
 ing the ideals of their hero. In the instance of one of them em- 
 ulation of a manly high-school teacher actually determined 
 the choice of vocation. It was the deep philosophy of the 
 Fourth Gospel that the light of God is manifested only in 
 the form of Hfe, and so it has ever been. We need not 
 entirely regret the temporary turning of boys from the Bible 
 in their quest for a book of life written in real men, and 
 we may well be persuaded that we can afiford to allow our 
 sons to lose some of the other good influences which we 
 have commended if only they have found good friends. 
 
 But how shall we do this? 
 
 Well, we can be such friends to them ourselves. Do you 
 know this is not as easy as it sounds? There are today 
 plenty of indulgent parents, plenty of parents whose ex- 
 amples are worth following, but there is still a lack of 
 parents who are companionable with their children. I sit 
 daily at the center of a correspondence that comes from 
 many thousands of parents from all over the country. Into 
 the same offices come letters from their children. We thus 
 get oftentimes both angles on a family situation, and I can 
 truly say that I cannot remember a problem of the adoles- 
 cent years that did not arise out of the distance that had 
 come to exist between parent and child; nor can I recall a 
 single one of the many successful homes which was not 
 explained by a beautiful comradeship. Frankly, the trouble 
 is that we love our boys, but we do not like them. Isn't 
 that just it? We cling affectionately to their lives and health 
 and future, but we do not like their clumsiness, their irri- 
 
 [273] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 tating ignorance and conceit, their maddening folly and ob- 
 stinacy, their loss of all that we think is worth while. 
 
 I speak with the deepest humility upon this theme, for I 
 regard myself as having been far from a model parent, but 
 when I look upon the three splendid grown sons who re- 
 gard me as a companion and ask myself how I can explain 
 anything that I had to do with such a result, I can think 
 of absolutely no explanation but that I tried to put myself 
 in their places and to believe the best about them. 
 
 I revere a man who can pray with his children, but I 
 speak reverently when I say that, though I cannot, I regard 
 it as quite as religious a virtue that I can play with mine. 
 It seems to me that incarnation, which is treated in theology 
 as an isolated act of God, ought to become in life a human 
 habit, and that it is the chief means by which fathers and 
 mothers can bring their sons to God. 
 
 Religious Living 
 
 Whatever may be the religious experience of a boy, wc 
 begin to feel that he has a genuine religious life when we 
 first see him do something for somebody else. The writer 
 of one of the epistles that bears the name of John says that 
 "we know that we have passed out of death into life when 
 we love the brethren." In the only distinct and positive state- 
 ment which Jesus made regarding the nature of religion, he 
 made religion a question of how a man behaves in the face 
 of human need. He named six of the commonest of human 
 needs — sickness, sorrow, loneliness, suffering, hunger, pov- 
 erty — and suggested that our attitude toward these was the 
 real test of our religion. It is this attitude, freely and gen- 
 erously taken, and not a system of dogmatics or ethics, 
 which constitutes the religious life we ought to crave for 
 our young people. 
 
 In the realm of service we have opportunity in at least 
 
 [274] 
 
RELIGIOUS NURTURE 
 
 three ways. The warm feeling of the boy for those who 
 are less fortunate may now properly be expressed through 
 gifts and deeds which involve some sacrifice on his own part. 
 He may now assume definite responsibility with special needs 
 and objects of care. He may devote himself with peculiar 
 tenderness to the needs of those who are a little younger 
 than himself. 
 
 Someone has said recently that "the most neglected re- 
 ligious need of the boy is that of being shown definitely 
 what Christianity means for him along the line of his daily 
 activities." We know that at least three-fourths of the 
 religious action of an adult consists in doing his daily duties 
 well. In this respect we must confess that a boy shows 
 himself a crusader rather than a cross-bearer. I could 
 easily imagine a high-school boy teaching a Sunday-school 
 class and habitually neglecting to bring up the coal. The 
 trait is human. We all would rather pick flowers than dig 
 up weeds. I should be patient with this manifestation. I 
 should not taunt such a boy with his public goodness and 
 his meager private virtues. I should be thankful that he has 
 the will to serve, and wait for the later consecration when 
 he performs hated duties, as I do, only with grumbling. 
 
 [27Sl 
 
CHAPTER XXIV 
 
 FACTS FOR ENCOURAGEMENT 
 
 There are some manifestations during this period, usually 
 considered trying, that may be interpreted as really what we 
 like to call "good signs." 
 
 The youth is garrulous. But this means that he is con- 
 fidential. No matter if the boy bores you dreadfully with his 
 football lingo or the girl with her school gossip, be thankful 
 that they trust you so as to want to tell you their secrets. 
 Never shut that door. 
 
 The youth is susceptible to unworthy companions. 
 But susceptibility is impartial. He must be equally sus- 
 ceptible to good ones, if they are as interesting. Help 
 him to better companionships. Don't try to shut that 
 door. 
 
 The youth is not studious. Maybe he is protecting his 
 health while growing; maybe not. The main point is not 
 what he is getting out of school, but what he is getting 
 out of life. Life is more important than school. 
 
 The youth has such crude moral conceptions. Crude but 
 strong. And did you never notice how true he is to the 
 few conceptions that he has succeeded in mastering? 
 
 What you may hope for is not finished characters, fully- 
 matured judgments, perfectly polished manners, before the 
 years of maturity. But you may hope for these: the general 
 disposition to will well and wisely; the ability of your chil- 
 dren to propel themselves after you have ceased to push them 
 from behind; undying affection for yourself coupled with a 
 growing appreciation of what you have meant to them; the 
 
 [276] 
 
FACTS FOR ENCOURAGEMEN'l 
 
 power of handing on to their descendants and yours the 
 goodly heritage of bodily, mental and moral soundness, with 
 all that means to society and to the world; and, above all, 
 the resolution to be of service. 
 It is a task well worth all it costs. 
 
 f3f^ 
 
 [277I 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 SUMMARY 
 
 Developments of Adolescence. — Adolescence is the golden age of 
 life. Physical development comes on in waves and lulls, and emo- 
 tional, mental and moral changes accompany it. The characteristic 
 emotion is ambition, involving at times the most sanguine hopeful- 
 ness, alternating with periods of despair because of embarrassing 
 failures. Social life is boisterous and buoyant; the youth becomes in- 
 tensely loyal to chums and the "gang," and at some time during this 
 period develops a new interest in girls. There is a moral awakening 
 which is characterized at different times by emotional feeling and 
 thoughtfulness. 
 
 Methods of Government. — Conservation of energy and encourage- 
 ment to sane development of life are now important. The parent must 
 endeavor to understand, as far as possible, the rapidly-changing emo- 
 tions, and when he cannot understand them to be tolerant of them. 
 Socially, he works with the "gang" and recognizes that boys are in- 
 dependently thoughtful religiously before they are socially, and so 
 must be patient until the boy's actions begin to catch up with his 
 ideals. In the moral realm we still build upon the basis of habits well 
 established, although they are not sufficient for every new situation. 
 Our greatest opportunity is in the guidance of the will. 
 
 Ruling Motives. — These are self-respect, hero-worship, respon- 
 sibility, chivalry and life purpose. 
 
 The Prodigal. — The skill and care of fathers are especially essen- 
 tial in order to solve the prodigal tendencies. It is sometimes neces- 
 sary to take extreme means for a time, like putting a boy to work 
 or even letting him wander; but the prodigality of adolescence is not 
 generally decisive. 
 
 Sex Discipline. — We must now use every possible motive and de- 
 velop every possible right attitude to meet the sex impulse. 
 
 Religious Nurture. — The need now is for religious nurture, by 
 certain special influences which are helpful toward a definite religious 
 life. Among these are the experience of conversion, the practice of 
 prayer, a church life especially adapted to the boy's needs, a Sunday 
 school which faces life problems courageously, and the personal in- 
 fluence of admired men, especially of fathers. The boy begins to 
 live religiously when he begins to live for somebody else. 
 
 REFERENCES 
 
 Although child study has centered largely upon adolescents, writers 
 have seemed to avoid dealing directly with the difficult matter of 
 their home training. Consequently, the list of helpful and practical 
 books is not long. A few books are mentioned dealing with the spe- 
 cial problems of the period. 
 
 Books upon the Philosophy of Management 
 That Boy of Yours, 250 pp., by James S. Kirtley, published by George 
 H. Doran Co., New York. 
 
 [278] 
 
SUMMARY 
 
 Parents and teachers of boys will profit by the sympathetic view of 
 boyhood of Mr. Kirtley, who takes the ground that there are no bad 
 boys and that boys are made bad by misunderstanding. He discusses 
 the morals, body, mind, religion, failings and home associations and 
 brings all_ these things before grown-up eyes from the standpoint of 
 the boy himself. In these days of the new view held by social workers 
 and educators in regard to boys and their tendencies and development a 
 book like this is sure to prove of value. 
 
 Youth, Its Education, Regimen and Hygiene, 380 pp., by G. Stanley 
 Hall, published by D. Appleton & Co., New York. 
 An epitome of the practical conclusions of Dr. Hall's large volumes 
 on Adolescence in such form as to make them available to parents, 
 teachers and reading circles. The chapters most helpful concerning 
 moral training are the seventh, upon faults, lies and crimes ■ the 
 eleventh, upon the education of girls ; and the twelfth, upon moral and 
 religious training. 
 
 Childhood, 254 pp., by Mrs. Theodore W. Birney, published by F. A. 
 Stokes Co., New York. 
 
 Of this valuable book. Dr. Stanley Hall says, "The author has a head 
 and heart so full of motherhood and so freighted with its lessons, and 
 with the new and higher sense of its meaning that she has found the 
 right way by intuition" * * * The book presents in unusually at- 
 tractive, clear and forcible English the substance of what parents most 
 need to know in order to make their influence more felt for good upon 
 the rising generations." Mrs. Birney was the founder of the National 
 Congress of Mothers. The book is unusual in its simplicity, its com- 
 mon-sense dealing with the problems of home life. It is written by a 
 mother who knows whereof she speaks because she has practiced what 
 she preaches. 
 
 Home, School and Vacation, 220 pp., by Annie Winsor Allen, pub- 
 lished by Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 
 The book deals with the three subj ects indicated in its title : home 
 training, school life and vacation employments. The book is all good, 
 and the chapter on discipline deserves to be written in gold. One of 
 the great values of the book is its excellently simple arrangement. 
 There is a suggestive chart on normal child development at the close. 
 
 Educational Problems, two volumes, xiii, 710 pp. and 714 pp., by G. 
 Stanley Hall, published by D. Appleton & Co., New York. 
 It is hardly to be expected that many parents will read all the fifteen 
 hundred pages of this treasure house of information. Nearly every- 
 thing President Hall writes is suggestive, some of it challenges opposi- 
 tion, but that only stimulates thought. The chapters of greatest value 
 to parents of adolescent young people are the fourth, upon the religious 
 training of children and the Sunday school ; the fifth, upon moral edu- 
 cation ; the seventh upon the pedagogy of sex ; and the ninth, upon the 
 budding girl. Of all these the most sensible and practical is the one 
 upon moral education. 
 
 The Coming Generation, 402 pp., by William Byron Forbush, pub- 
 lished by D. Appleton & Co. 
 
 [279] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 Book I — I. The General Confession. 2. Some Adventures among 
 Savages. 3. The Young Pretender. 4. How a Child Does His Think- 
 ing. S. Books and Firelight and Children's Faces. 6. Th- Gang. 7. 
 The Religious Life of a Child. 8. The Wander Years. 9. The Modern 
 Home. 10. The Art of Being a Godparent. Book H — 11. Eugenics. 12. 
 Health. Book III — 13. The New Education. 14. Vocational Training 
 and Guidance. 15. Some High School Problems. 16. Moral Training 
 in Schools. 17. The Social School. 18. Defective Children. 19. Play 
 and Playgrounds. 20. Clubs for Street Boys. 21. Camps and Outings. 
 22. College and the Child. 23. The Beautiful Ordering of Life. 24. A 
 Child Educating Himself. Book IV— 25. The Regulation of Child 
 Labor. 26. The Juvenile Court. 27. Reformatory Methods. 28. De- 
 pendent and Neglected Children. Book V — ^29. The Sunday School. 
 30. The Church Living with Its Children. 31. The Christian Associa- 
 tions. 32. The Larger Nurture. A Program for the Betterment of 
 Boys and Girls. 
 
 Training the Boy, 368 pp., by William A. McKeever, published by 
 Macmillan Co., New York. 
 
 The motto of this book may be expressed in these words: "Train 
 the whole boy and not merely a part of him." In writing this book, 
 the author has sketched a practical plan for rounding out the whole 
 boy, placing the emphasis upon all rather than some of the forces ne- 
 cessary for complete training. He devotes considerable attention to 
 habit-forming and social training, but his emphasis is upon industrial 
 and vocational guidance. Common sense is the keynote of all that 
 Professor McKeever writes. 
 
 Books upon Child Study 
 The Adolescent, 100 pp., by J. W. Slaughter, published by George 
 Allen & Co., London. 
 
 An astonishingly fruitful little book. The author avoids the note of 
 alarm which underlies much writing on this subject and speaks very 
 instructively and hopefully upon many of the home problems of this 
 period. 
 
 The Individual in the Making, 339 pp., by E. A. Kirkpatrick, pub- 
 lished by Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 
 More brief than G. Stanley Hall and more completely covering the 
 entire development of child life is this study of the stages through 
 which a young person passes from birth to maturity. The chapters upon 
 adolescence are especially full of interesting detail and contain a good 
 many illustrations from the lives of individual children. There is also 
 in each chapter a number of sensible suggestions for dealing with the 
 various phenomena of each stage of development. 
 Growth and Education, 294 pp., by John Mason Tyler, published by 
 Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 
 A very valuable book upon the way a child grows. Dr. Tyler lays a 
 special emphasis upon the necessity of guarding the youth during high- 
 school years from excesses of work or play. He has a very wise word 
 as to the necessity of watching girls during the grammar-school years 
 lest they shall enter high school and continue in college over-strained 
 
 [280] 
 
SUMMARY 
 
 ind tired out. The book is characterized by good sense and the parent 
 will find it full of many helpful suggestions. 
 
 Books upon Sex Discipline 
 Reproduction and Sexual Hygiene, 149 pp., by Winfield S. Hall, 
 
 M. D., published by the Wynnewood Publishing Co., Chicago. 
 The American Boy and the Social Evil, by Robert N. Willson, M. D., 
 
 published by John C. Winston Co., Philadelphia. 
 Health and Hygiene, 16 pp., by Prince A. Morrow, M. D., published 
 
 by the American Federation for Social Hygiene, New York. 
 The Physician's Answer, 16 pp., by A. E. Exher, M. D., published by 
 
 Association Press, New York. 
 Sexual Hygiene for Young Men, 4 pp., published by the Spokane So- 
 ciety of Social and Moral Hygiene, Spokane, Wash. 
 The Strength of Ten, 32 pp., by Winfield S. Hall, M. D., published 
 
 by B. S. Treadwell, La Crosse, Wis. 
 The Kallikak Family, 121 pp., by H. H. Goddard, M. D., published 
 by Macmillan Co., New York. 
 This is the most astonishing and suggestive practical study yet made 
 in the eugenic history of a single family. 
 
 Sex Instruction as a Phase of Social Education, 16 pp., by Maurice 
 A. Bigelow, published by the American Federation for Sex Hy- 
 giene, New York City. 
 Dwells especially upon the importance of such instruction in its rela- 
 tionship to the family and social life, particularly emphasizing the con- 
 siderations which appeal to older boys. 
 
 Books upon Social Problems 
 The Boy Problem, 219 pp., by William Byron Forbush, published by 
 The Pilgrim Press, Boston. 
 
 This book begins with a resume of the child study of boy nature. It 
 gives a very careful study of the social instincts. Thsre are two chap- 
 ters on the social organizations of the day for boys and the book closes 
 with sections on the boy in the school, the church and the home. This 
 book has been especially useful to social workers with boys. 
 The Minister and the Boy, 171 pp., by Allan Hoben, published by The 
 University of Chicago Press, Chicago. 
 
 A book urging ministers and churches to take a more definite and 
 practical and continuous social relationship to boys. The writer has 
 had a varied experience with boys of all classes in a city and no one 
 has presented more impressively the social duty and obligation of the 
 religious world to the growing youth. 
 
 Books upon Religious Nurture 
 
 Educational Evangelism, 265 pp., by Charles E. McKinley, published 
 
 by The Pilgrim Press, Boston. 
 
 A discussion of the religious discipline that is most desirable for 
 
 the years of adolescence. This is a book which deserves to be better 
 
 known. The author sketches in a simple but inspiring form the normal 
 
 [281] 
 
THE BOY PROBLEM IN THE HOME 
 
 moral development of an adolescent boy or girl. He then shows the 
 kind of religious approach which is desirable for each evolving period. 
 He discusses helpfully the place of both the home and the church in 
 these years of crisis in the life of growing youth. It is a most help- 
 ful book for parents and a most inspiring one for church workers. 
 
 The Boy and the Church, 190 pp., by Eugene C. Foster, published by 
 Association Press, New York. 
 
 Boys who are under religious influence — Sunday-school boys and 
 church-going boys — these only it is of whom Mr. F - writes. He 
 knows from a large experience in both church and Y. M. C. A. work 
 that a considerable proportion of these very boys not only drop out 
 of Sunday-school ranks, but they go clear over to swell the ranks 
 of the wayward and the delinquent. Why is it, and how shall it be 
 prevented? To this one problem Mr. Foster addresses himself. Re- 
 claiming is good, but preventing is better. It is a necessary text^book 
 for the home, the Sunday-school worker and the minister. 
 Boy Life and Self-Government, 210 pp., by George Walter Fiske, 
 published by Association Press, New York. 
 
 The_ book opens with a description of boy life, including a study of 
 boys' instincts. There is a careful analysis of the epochs of body and 
 youth. A discussion of clubs for boys follows, giving de ails of organi- 
 zation. The book closes with two sensible chapters on the boy's reli- 
 gion and the boy's home, A useful book for parents and social workers 
 with boys. 
 
 [282] 
 
INDEX 
 
 Activity, Government by 
 
 
 Career, Motives of a 
 
 246 
 
 52, 
 
 102, I.SQ 
 
 Character 
 
 99 
 
 Adolescence, Developments of 
 
 Child and the Bible, The 
 
 92 
 
 
 219, 278 
 
 Child as a Plaything, The 
 
 12 
 
 Adult's Outlook, The 
 
 109 
 
 Child as a Person, The 
 
 12 
 
 After School 
 
 113 
 
 Child Is on Our Side, The 
 
 97 
 
 Alienation from Parents 
 
 250 
 
 Child Nurture 
 
 64 
 
 Allowances 
 
 243 
 
 Children, Misunderstood 
 
 9 
 
 Ambition 
 
 220 
 
 Children's Attitude, The 135, 
 
 213 
 
 Amusements 
 
 199 
 
 Children's Ideas of Justice 
 
 38 
 
 Anger, Punishing in 
 
 36, 47 
 
 Children's Prayers 73 ff. 
 
 Animalism 
 
 6S 
 
 Child's Ideas about God, The 
 
 64 
 
 Anthropomorphism 
 
 64 
 
 Child's Room, The 
 
 248 
 
 Anti-domestic 
 
 220, 227 
 
 Chivalry 209, 
 
 248 
 
 Apologizing to Children 
 
 20 
 
 Choice, Government through 
 
 
 Artful Dodger, The 
 
 137 
 
 33, 
 
 167 
 
 Athletics 
 
 229, 238 
 
 Choice, The Successor of 
 
 
 Attention and Obedience 
 
 32 
 
 Obedience 
 
 167 
 
 Attention in Prayer 
 
 76 
 
 Christian Endeavor 
 
 268 
 
 Authority 
 
 24 
 
 Chums 
 
 22s 
 
 Authority, Children's Respect 
 
 Church Attendance 
 
 94 
 
 for 
 
 5 
 
 Church, Beauty of 
 
 94 
 
 Awakening, Moral 
 
 22s 
 
 CKurch-going 94, 
 
 269 
 
 
 
 Church Membership 
 
 270 
 
 Babies, Obedience of 
 
 25 
 
 Circumcision 
 
 S8 
 
 Backwardness 
 
 240 
 
 Cloudy Days 
 
 IIS 
 
 Baptism 
 
 270 
 
 Clumsiness 
 
 231 
 
 Bawling 
 
 34 
 
 Code, ^Mastering a 
 
 194 
 
 Beauty 
 
 207 
 
 Committal, Religion 
 
 270 
 
 Bedtime 
 
 48 
 
 Companionship with Children 
 
 119 
 
 Bible and the Child, The 
 
 92 
 
 Conceit of Parents 
 
 70 
 
 Bible Reading 187, 269, 271 
 
 Concreteness in Teaching 
 
 68 
 
 Bible Story-Telling 
 
 93 
 
 Confidence, Keeping the 230, 
 
 242 
 
 Biological Teaching 
 
 60 
 
 Conformity 
 
 98 
 
 Blundering 
 
 246 
 
 Conservatism of Children 
 
 136 
 
 Boarding School 
 
 253 
 
 Constructive Play 
 
 87 
 
 Books, The Choice of 
 
 207 
 
 Conversion 
 
 267 
 
 Boy Before Eight, The 
 
 58 
 
 Co-operation in Punishment 
 
 31 
 
 Boyhood, Periods of 
 
 57 
 
 Corporal Punishment , 44, 
 
 102 
 
 Boy Problem, The : What it is vii 
 
 Courtesy 73, ii 
 
 :7ff. 
 
 Bullying 
 
 6 
 
 Crying 
 
 47 
 
 Calmness 
 
 226 
 
 Dancing 
 
 201 
 
 "Captain of the Day" 
 
 237 
 
 Day Dreaming 
 
 221 
 
 Card Playing 
 
 201 
 
 Decision Day 
 
 270 
 
 [283] 
 
INDEX 
 
 Deliberation in Government 
 
 112, 132 
 Deprivation, Punishrnent by 
 
 40, 102 
 Despondency 229 
 
 Destroying Property 247 
 
 Development, Physical 219 
 
 Developments of Adolescence 
 
 219, 278 
 Devices for Punishment 30 
 
 Discipline, Steadiness in 24 
 
 Disobedience 16, loi 
 
 Disorder 
 
 Diversion, Government by 
 
 "Don't" 
 
 Drill 
 
 Duty 
 
 Duty, Teaching about 
 
 30, 
 
 7 
 IS5 
 173 
 136 
 193 
 68 
 
 Earning Money 244 
 
 Emissions, Seminal 180 
 
 Emotional Changes 220 
 
 Emotions, The Management of 230 
 Emulation, Government by'S2, 102 
 Encouraging Facts 97, 211, 276 
 Estrangement 10 
 
 Ethical Teaching 194 
 
 Eugenics 261 
 
 Example 86 
 
 Explanation, Government by IS3 
 Explanations 32 
 
 Facts for Encouragement 
 
 97. 211 
 Fairness 
 
 Family Worship 
 Fstherhood 
 
 Fatherhood of God, The 
 Fatigue 
 Fears 
 
 Feelings, Training of the 
 Fickleness 
 Fighting 
 Firmness 
 First Love 
 Fitness of Parents 
 Food 
 Foresight 
 
 Forgetting in Forgiveness 
 Forgiveness 
 Friendships 
 
 276 
 
 16, lOI 
 
 187 
 
 17,61 
 
 65 
 
 lis 
 
 221 
 
 206 
 
 222 
 
 112 
 
 lOI 
 
 233 
 
 131 
 
 S8 
 
 "3 
 
 33 
 226 
 
 233 
 
 21, 
 
 33, 
 
 Friendship, The Instinct of 224 
 
 Gang, The i44, 224, 232 
 
 Gardening 88 
 
 Garrulousness of Youth 276 
 
 Gentleman, The 170 
 
 Gentleness 220 
 
 Girls 233 
 
 God, Presence of 66, 82 
 
 Cod, Teaching about 64 
 
 "Good Fellows" 27, loi 
 
 Government by Activity 52, 102, 159 
 Government by Diversion 155 
 Government by Emulation 52, 102 
 Government by Explanation 153 
 Government by Persuasion iS4 
 Government by Punishment 
 
 36, loi, 161, 213 
 Government by Reward 51, 102 
 Government by Suggestion 29, loi 
 Government by Words 32, loi 
 Government through Choice 
 
 33, loi, 167 
 Gratitude 227 
 
 Greed 52 
 
 Habits and Morality 71 
 
 Habit-forming 69 
 
 Habit-forming, Will-training 
 
 by 184 
 
 Habits of Reverence 73 
 
 Habituation 156 
 
 Helping in School Tasks 124 
 
 Hero Worship 224, 241, 272 
 
 High School 186 
 
 Home and the Sunday School, 
 
 The 196 
 
 Home Covenant 236 
 
 Home-made Playthings 88 
 
 Home Work 124 
 
 Honesty in Government 109 
 
 Hopefulness 22s. 227 
 
 How Children Break the Law 
 
 6, loi 
 How Children Regard Law 3, loi 
 How Children Regard Punish- 
 ment 9, lOI 
 How to Teach a Child to Pray 78 
 Humor in Childhood 33 
 Hymns 8q 
 
 Ideas about God, The Qifld's 64 
 
 [284] 
 
INDEX 
 
 Imaginative Play 89 
 
 Imitation 5 
 
 Imitative Play 87 
 
 Individualism 143 
 
 Influence, Personal 272 
 Influences 266, 272 
 
 Initiative 167 
 
 Instincts, Social 223 
 
 Instincts, The 87 
 
 Insight 1161 
 
 Interests 222 
 
 Interrupting Children 17 
 
 Jesus, Teaching about 67, 93 
 
 Justice, Children's Ideas of 38 
 
 Kallikak Family, The 261 
 
 Keeping Promises 24 
 
 Law, How Broken by Children 
 
 6, loi 
 Law, How Regarded by Chil- 
 dren, 3, Id 
 Law, The Child's Relationship 
 
 to 136 
 
 Lecturers on Purity 56 
 
 Life Purpose, A 248 
 
 Limitations of "Natural" Pun- 
 ishment 39 
 Listening no 
 Living:, Religious 274 
 Loitering 151 
 Love for Children 21 
 Loyalty 69 
 Loyalty to Jesus 67 
 Lulls 221 
 
 Management of the Emotions 230 
 Marriage 263 
 
 Mastering a Code 194 
 
 Methods of Government 
 
 IS3, 167, 213, 228, 278 
 Methods of Sex Instruction S4 
 Military Academy 253 
 
 Military Discipline 157 
 
 Ministers as Sex Instructors 56 
 Mischief 3 
 
 Misunderstanding Children 9 
 
 Modesty 58 
 
 Money 221, 243 
 
 Montessori Methods 41 
 
 Moral Awakening 
 Moral Law, The 
 Moral Relations 
 Moral Training 
 Motherhood 
 Motion Pictures 
 Motives 
 
 22s 
 
 40 
 
 237 
 
 I9S 
 
 60 
 
 205 
 
 249, 257, 278 
 
 Nagging 226, 242 
 
 "Natural" Punishments 37, 102 
 
 Negative Offences g 
 
 New Testament, The 93 
 
 Noisiness 34 
 Nurture, Child 
 
 64, 102, 184, 213, 265, 278 
 
 Obedience 147, 213 
 
 Obedience, Drill in 31 
 
 Obedience, Majesty of 193 
 
 Obedience of Babies 25 
 
 Obedience, Purpose of 147 
 
 Obe'dience, The Right to Ask 13 
 
 Obstinacy 43, 138 
 
 Offences, Negative 9 
 
 Old Testament, The 92 
 
 "Once Born," The 266 
 
 Origins of Life 59 
 
 Outlook, The Adult's 109 
 
 Outlook, The Child's no 
 
 Overlooking Faults 20, loi 
 
 Parent and Teacher 174 
 
 Parent as Educator, The 12, loi 
 
 Parent as Judge, The 46 
 
 Parental Conceit 70 
 
 Parental Friendship 232 
 
 Parental Power 87 
 
 Parental Unity 27 
 
 Parent's Attitude, The 11, 213 
 
 Passivity in Education 208 
 
 Paying Children 244 
 
 Penalties 247 
 
 Penitence of Children 8 
 
 Periods of Boyhood 57 
 
 Personal Commands 136 
 
 Personal Influences 272 
 
 Personality 222 
 
 Persuasion 15 
 Persuasion, Government by 154 
 
 Physical Development 219 
 
 Physical Management 228 
 
 [285] 
 
INDEX 
 
 Physical Reward 
 
 Physicians as Sex Instructors 
 
 Play 
 
 Play and Work 
 
 Playthings, Home-made 
 
 Power of Parents 
 
 Practical Joking 
 
 Praise 
 
 Prayer 74 fif, 
 
 Prayer, Attention in 
 
 Prayers, A Treasury of 
 
 Prayers, How to Teach 
 
 Praying for Children 
 
 Prodigal, The 
 
 Promises, Keeping 
 
 Punishment as a Right 
 
 Punishment by Deprivation 40, 162 
 
 Punishment, Government by 
 
 36, 161, 213 
 Punishment, How Regarded by 
 
 51 
 55 
 87 
 89 
 88 
 87 
 33 
 
 240 
 i8s, 268 
 76 
 84 
 78 
 79 
 
 278 
 24 
 46 
 
 SI, 
 
 250, 
 
 Children 
 Punishment, Purposes of 
 Purpose, A Life 
 Putting Things Away 
 Putting Children to Bed 
 
 9, 
 
 lOI 
 
 36 
 248 
 ISI 
 
 47 
 
 Racial Life, The 
 
 Reading, The Value of 
 
 Rebellion 
 
 References 
 
 Refractoriness 
 
 Regularity 
 
 4 
 
 187, 209 
 
 224 
 
 102, 213, 278 
 
 138 
 
 68 
 
 Regularity, The Child's Liking 
 
 for 3 
 
 Relations with Others 197 
 
 Religious Habits 183 
 
 Religious Influences 266 
 
 Religious Living 274 
 
 Religious Nurture 
 
 64, 102, 184, 213, 26s, 278 
 Remorse of Children 141 
 
 Renewal of Life 57 
 
 Reproduction, Instruction about 61 
 
 Respecting Children 
 
 Responsibility 
 
 Retaliation 
 
 Reverence, Habits of 
 
 Reverence in Church 
 
 Reverence in Prayer 
 
 Revivals 
 
 Reward, Government by 
 
 237, 
 
 SI, 
 
 III 
 243 
 162 
 
 73 
 
 9S 
 
 74 
 
 267 
 
 102 
 
 Rhyming Prayers 83 
 
 Rhythms 225 
 Right to Ask Obedience, The 13, loi 
 
 Right to Disobey. The 16, loi 
 
 Room, The Child's 247 
 
 Routine 71 
 
 Ruling Motives 239 
 
 Safety in Punishment 44 
 
 Sarcasm 33, 118 
 
 School 223, 253 
 
 Scolding 43 
 
 Self-abuse 178 
 
 Self-assertiveness 186 
 
 Self-control 98 
 
 Self-directed Play 88 
 
 Self-obedience vii 
 
 Self-propulsion viii 
 Self-regarding Period, The 198 
 
 Self Respect 239 
 
 Selfishness 4 
 
 Seminal Emissions 180 
 
 Sense of Beauty, The 206 
 Sex Discipline 54, 102, 213, 256, 278 
 
 Sex Instruction, Methods of 54 
 
 Sex Instructors 56 
 
 Sex Organs, Care of the 57 
 
 Sex Worries 181 
 
 Sexual Vices 261 
 
 Silliness 224 
 
 Sleeping Alone 58 
 
 Smoking 158 
 
 SociabiliW 144 
 
 Social Management 232 
 
 Solitude, Prayer in 82 
 
 Spanking 44 
 
 Steadiness in Discipline 24 
 
 Stolidity in Growth 211 
 
 Story-telling 91 
 
 Stories 90 
 Strength, The Child's Feeling 
 
 for 208 
 
 Studiousness 276 
 Suggestion in Government 
 
 29, 106, 153 
 
 Summary 225 
 
 Summaries loi, 213, 278 
 
 Sunday 95, 189 
 
 Sunday Club, The 191 
 
 Sunday Meals 186 
 
 Sunday Newspapers 191 
 
 [286] 
 
INDEX 
 
 Sunday School 94, 196, 271 
 Sunday School and the Home, 
 
 The 196 
 
 Table Manners 39 
 
 Table Talk 122 
 
 Talking, The Value of 194 
 
 Teacher and Parent 174 
 Teachers as Sex Instructors 56 
 
 Teachers, Sunday School 272 
 
 Teaching about Duty 68 
 
 Teaching about God 64 
 
 Telling Bible Stories 93 
 
 Temperance 159 
 
 Thankfulness 80 
 
 Theater-going 203 
 
 Touch Hunger _ 9 
 
 Training of the Feelings, The 206 
 
 Truancy 350 
 
 "Twice Born," The 266 
 
 Ulysses and the Sirens vii 
 
 Unity between Parents 2^ 
 
 Unreasonableness 16 
 
 Vices, Sexual 261 
 
 Volition 171 
 
 Waking Hours 114 
 
 Weather, The 115 
 
 Will, Education of the 237 
 
 Will-training 168 
 Will-training by Habit-forming 184 
 Work 52, 252 
 
 Work and Play 89 
 
 Treasury of Prayers, A 
 
 84 Young People's Societies 
 
 271 
 
 t287]