/>IJHMI *% .-- .VV^^w ' j ^ ^ , *ApSl Cornell Htttttcnnty iCihtarg Jlttfaca, New $ork FROM THE BENNQ LOEWY LIBRARY COLLECTED BY BENNO LOEWY 1854.1919 . BEQUEATHED TO CORNELL UNIVERSITY Cornell University Library PR 2879. W58 1877 Falstaff's letters; originally published 3 1924 013 144 898 PR w-s? f{7-7 Cornell University Library The original of this book is in the Cornell University Library. There are no known copyright restrictions in the United States on the use of the text. http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924013144898 FALSTAFF'S LETTERS. Jatetaff's betters BY JAMES WHITE ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN 1796 AND NOW REPRINTED VERBATIM ET LITERATIM WITH NOTICES OF THE AUTHOR COLLECTED FROM CHARLES LAMB LEIGH HUNT AND OTHER CONTEMPORARIES LONDON B. ROBSON 43 CRANBOURN STREET LEICESTER SQUARE 1877 f^GlLriGl TO THE DEAR AND DELIGHTFUL MEMORY OF CHARLES LAMB THIS NEW EDITION OF A BOOK WHICH HE LOVED TO PRAISE IS AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED MONOGRAPH ON JAMES WHITE, AUTHOR OF THE FALSTAFF. LETTERS. IT would seem to be the fate of some books to be born into the world out of their due time, and thus to miss the meed of praise and fame to which their merit entitles them, and which under more fortunate au- spices they would doubtless have obtained. One such modest little book, after suffer- ing eighty years of undeserved and other- wise unaccountable neglect, it is now our pleasure and our privilege to introduce to the reader's acquaintance. No attentive student of the exquisite and delightful Letters of Charles Lamb can have failed to notice more than one allu- sion, in which he praises with no grudging or sparing hand, and with equal discrimina- tion and enthusiasm, the work of his early vi Memoir, of James White, friend and school-fellow, the tardy repro- duction of which is, we would fain flatter ourselves, no unwise or unacceptable tribute to the memory of Elia. Speaking of the period immediately pre- ceding the terrible domestic tragedy which cast its shadow over the rest of Lamb's life, Talfourd writes : — " During these years Lamb's most fre- quent companion was James White, or rather Jem White, as he always called him. Lamb always insisted that for hearty joyous humour, tinged with Shakespearian fancy, Jem never had an equal. " Jem White," said he to Mr. Le Grice, when they met for the last time, after many years' absence, at the Bell at Edmonton, in June, 1833, "there" never was his like! We never shall see such days as those in which Jem flourished !" All that now remains of Jem is the cele- bration of the suppers which he gave the young chimney-sweepers in the Elia of his friend, and a thin duodecimo volume which he published in 1796, under the title of " Letters of Sir John Falstaff," with a dedi- cation (printed in black letter) " to Master Samuel Irelaunde," which those who knew Lamb at the time believed to be his." In his earliest extant letter (1796), Lamb writes to Coleridge : — A utkor of the Falstaff Letters, vii " White is on the eve of publishing (he took the limit from Vortigern) Original Letters of Falstaff, Shallow, etc., a copy you shall have when it comes out They are without exception the best imitations I ever saw." Again, a few weeks afterwards to the same correspondent ^ — " White's Letters are near publication ; could you review 'em, or get '«m reviewed I Are you not connected with the Critical Review ? . . The whole work is full of goodly quips and rare fancies, ' all deeply masked like hoar antiquity' — much supe- rior to Dr. Kenrick's Falstaff s Wedding!'* It seems probable that Coleridge exer- ted himself, in consequence of this re- quest, to draw some attention to the little book : whether through his good offices or otherwise the following notice of it ap- peared in the Critical Review for June, 1797 :— "The humorous characters of Shake- speare have seldom been successfully imita- ted. Dr. Kenrick wrote a play called * Falstaft's Wedding. A Comedy. Being a Se- quel to the second part of the play of King Henry the 4th, by W. Kenrick. Lond. 1760, pp. 83. •viii Memoir of James Whiie^ fralstajfs Wedding, in which he introduced the merry Knight and his companions ; but the peculiar quaintness of the character was lost by being sunk in modern wit. The author of the little work before us has, we think, been somewhat more suc- cessful, and must have given his days and nights to the study of the language of Falstaff, Dame Quickly, Slender, etc. His object, indeed, seems to be to ridicule the late gross imposture of Norfolk-street ; and certain it is that had these letters been in- troduced into the world, prepared in the manner of the Ireland MSS., the internal evidence would have spoken more loudly in their favour. But in whatever esteem they may be held as imitations, they ar- gue no small portion of humour in the writer, who, we understand, is a young man, and this his first attempt." Some months earlier a notice equally laudatory, due also probably to special in- fluence, appeared in the Monthly Review for November, 1796 : — " It was not to be expected that the late extraordinary attempt to work on the national credulity by the pretended Shake- spearian reliques, should pass without the gibes of the witty, as well as the sober animadversions of the grave and learned. A utkor of the Falstaff Letters. ix . . . . The writer before us has taken occasion, from this memorable experiment, to amuse himself and his readers with a supposed collection of Letters between Falstaff and the personages connected with him in the plays of Shakespeare ; in which he has shown considerable talents for humour, with a good deal of ingenuity in imitating the language and manners of characters sketched out by our great dra- matist Not that it would be difficult fre- quently to catch him tripping in an expres- sion, or a circumstance, not belonging to the assumed period ; but where the purpose is only a laugh, there is no need for criticism to look so narrowly. . . . The fustian of antient Pistol, the enigmatical brevity of Nym, the gossiping of Shallow and his man Davy, the pedantry of the Welsh parson, the simplicity of Slender, are all personated in various letters with success ; and several humorous incidents are imagined, suitable to the times and characters." "The work was neglected," says Tal- fourd, "although Lamb exerted all the influence he subsequently acquired with more popular writers to obtain for it fa- vou; able notices, as will be seen from various passages in his letters. He stuck, how- x Memoir of James White, ever, gallantly by his favourite protdg6 ; and even when he could little afford to disburse sixpence, he made a point of buying a copy of the book whenever he discovered one amidst the refuse of a book- seller's stall, and would present it to a friend in the hope of making a convert. He gave me one of these copies soon after I became acquainted with him, stating that he had purchased it in the morning for sixpence, and assuring me I should en- joy a rare treat in the perusal."* To Manning, Lamb writes :— " I hope by this time you are prepared to say the Falstaff Letters are a bundle of the sharpest, queerest, profoundest hu- mours of any these juice-drained latter times have spawned. I should have adver- tised you that tfie meaning is frequently hard to be got at; and so are the future guineas that now lie ripening and aurifying in the womb of some undiscovered Potosi ; but dig, dig, dig, dig, Manning !"f Later in life, when he had himself * Talfourd's " Letters of Charles Lamb, with a Sketch of his Life," Lond. 1837, vol. i., pp. 12-13. t Letters of C. L., i., 189-190. Author of the Falstaff Letters. xi grown to fame, Lamb's delight in the book of his school-fellow and early companion had in nowise diminished, and he contri- buted a special notice of FalstafFs Letters, signed with the four asterisks that distin- guish his papers, to Leigh Hunt's jour- nal, The Examiner, September 5, 1819. " A copy of this work," he begins, " sold at the Roxburgh sale for five guineas. We have both before and since that time picked it up at stalls for eighteenpence. Reader, if you shall ever light upon a copy in the same way, we counsel you to buy it. We are deceived if there be not in it much of the true Shakespearian stuff. We present you with a few of the Letters, which may speak for themselves." After quoting from the first, third and fourth of FalstafFs Letters to the Prince,* Lamb continues : — " How say you, reader, do not these in- ventions smack of Eastcheap ? Are they not nimble, forgetive, evasive ? Is not the humour of them elaborate, cogitabund, fan- ciful ? Carry they not the true image and superscription of the father which begat them ? Are they not steeped all over in cha- * Pages. 1; 9, 19. xii Memoir of James White, racter — subtle, profound, unctuous ? Is not here the very effigies of the Knight? Could a counterfeit Jack Falstaffcome by these con- ceits ? Or are you, reader, one who delights to drench his mirth in tears ? You are, or peradventure, have been a lover ; a " dis- missed bachelor," perchance, one that is " lass-lorn." Come, then, and weep over the dying bed of such a one as thyself. Weep with us the death of poor Abraham Slender." He then quotes Davy's letter to Shallow, announcing Slender's death,*and concludes thus : — "Should these specimens fail to rouse your curiosity to see the whole, it may be to your loss, gentle reader ; but it will give small pain to the spirit of him that wrote this little book, my fine-tempered friend, J.W. — for not in authorship or the spirit of authorship, but from the fulness of a young soul, newly kindling at the Shakespearian flame, and bursting to be delivered of a rich exuberance of conceits — I had almost said kindred with those of the full Shake- spearian genius itself — were these letters dictated. We remember when the inspira- * Sse p. 115-117. Author of the Falstaff Letters, xiii tion came upon him, when the plays of Henry IV. were first put into his hands. We think at our recommendation he read them, rather late in life, though still he was but a youth. He may have forgotten, but we cannot, the pleasant evenings which ensued at the Boar's Head (as we called our tavern, though in reality the sign was not that, nor the street Eastcheap, — for that honoured place of resort has long since passed away), when over our pottle of sherris he would talk you nothing but pure Falstaff the long evenings through. Like his, the wit of J.W. was deep, recondite, imaginative, full of goodly figures and fancies. Those evenings have long since passed away, and nothing comparable to them has come in their stead, or can come. We have heard the chimes at midnight." About a year-and-a-half later, when re- printing this notice of Lamb's in The Indi- cator* Leigh Hunt prefaced it with the following remarks : — " Agreeably to our plan of noticing such works as either demand a particular kind of introduction to the public, or do not ap- pear to be appreciated as they deserve, we * January 24, 1821. xiv Memoir of fames White, repeat a criticism written by a friend on the above Letters. Not long after it appeared in the Examiner, the author who was its subject, died. His name was James White ; and many who knew nothing of him as a writer, will recollect being familiar with his name in the unromantic title of an agent for newspapers. Not the least, indeed, of his Shakespearian qualities, was an indifference to fame. He was also, like his great in- spirer, a gentleman. He was one among the many living writers who passed their boyhood in Christ's Hospital, where he held an office sometime after quitting it. We remember, as he passed through the clois- ters, how we used to admire his handsome appearance, and unimprovable manner of wearing his new clothes." The following is from The Praise o] Chimney-Sweepers, one of the earlier Essays of Elia : — " My pleasant friend Jem White . . . instituted an annual feast of chimney- sweepers, at which it was his pleasure to officiate as host and waiter. It was a solemn supper held in Smithfield, upon the yearly return of the fair Of St. Bartholomew. Cards were issued a week before to the master-sweeps in and about the metropolis, Author of the Falstaff L etters. xv confining the invitation to their younger fry. Now and then an elderly stripling would get in among us, and be good-na- turedly winked at ; but our main body were infantry. One unfortunate wight, indeed, who, relying upon his dusky suit, had in- truded himself into our party, but by tokens was providentially discovered in time to be no chimney-sweeper, (all is not soot which looks so,) was quoited out of the presence with universal indignation, as not having on the wedding garment ; but in general the greatest harmony prevailed. The place chosen was a convenient spot among the pens, at the north side of the fair, not so far distant as to be impervious to the agreeable hubbub of that vanity ; but remote enough not to be obvious to the interruption of every gaping spectator in it. The guests assembled about seven. In those little temporary parlours three tables were spread with napery, not so fine as substantial, and at every board a comely hostess presided with her pan of hissing sausages. The nostrils of the young rogues dilated at the savour. James White, as head waiter, had charge of the first table ; and myself, with our trusty companion Bigod, ordinarily ministered to the other xvi Memoir of James White, two. There was clambering and jostling, yOu may be sure, who should get at the first table — for Rochester in his maddest days could not have done the humours of the scene with more spirit than my friend. After some general expression of thanks for the honour the company had done him, his inaugural ceremony was to clasp the greasy waist of old dame Ursula (the fattest of the three), that stood frying and fretting, half-blessing, half-cursing "the gentleman," and imprint upon her chaste lips a tender salute, whereat the universal host would set up a shout that tore the concave, while hundreds of grinning teeth startled the night with their brightness. O it was a pleasure to see the sable younkers lick in the unctu- ous meat, with his more unctuous sayings — how he would fit the tit-bits to the puny mouths, reserving the lengthier links for the seniors — how he would intercept a morsel even in the jaws of some desperado, declar- ing it "must to the pan again to be browned, for it was not fit for a gentleman's eating " — how he would recommend this slice of white bread, or that piece of kissing-crust, - to a tender juvenile, advising them all to have a care of cracking their teeth, which were their best patrimony, — how genteelly he would deal about the small ale, as if it Author of the Falstaff Letters, xvii were wine, naming the brewer, and protest- ing, if it were not good, he should lose their custom ; with a special recommendation to wipe the lip before drinking. Then we had our toasts—" The King,"— " the Cloth,"— which, whether they understood or not, was equally diverting and flattering ; — and for a crowning sentiment, which never failed, " May the Brush supersede the Laurel I" All these, and fifty other fancies, which were rather felt than comprehended by his guests, would he utter, standing upon tables, and prefacing every sentiment with a "Gen- tlemen, give me leave to propose so and so," which was a prodigious comfort to those young orphans; every now and then stuffing into his mouth (for it did not do to be squeamish on these occasions) indiscrimi- nate pieces of those reeking sausages, which pleased them mightily, and was the savouri- est part, you may believe, of the entertain- ment. Golden lads and lasses must, As chimney-sweepers, come to dust— " James White is extinct, and with him these suppers have long ceased. He car- ried away with him half the fun of the world when he died — of my world at least. His old clients look for him among the xviii Memoir of James White, pens ; and, missing him, reproach the altered feast of St. Bartholomew, and the glory of Smithfield departed for ever."* In another Elian essay " On some of the Old Actors," we find the following humor- ous anecdote of White in connexion with Dodd, the famous comedian : — "My merry friend, Jem White, had seen him one evening in Aguecheek, and recog- nising Dodd the next day in Fleet Street, was irresistibly impelled to take off his hat and salute him as the identical Knight of the preceding evening, with a " Save you, Sir Andrew" Dodd, not at all disconcerted at this unusual address from a stranger, with a courteous half-rebuking wave of the hand, put him off with an "Away, Fool." . The following note was written by the late Mr. John Matthew Gutch, of Bristol, on the fly-leaf of his copy! of the Falstaft Letters, and was communicated by him in a letter, now in the present publisher's pos- session, addressed to the late Dr. Philip Bliss of Oxford, in the year 1852 : — t * London Magazine, May, 1822. t The copy of Falstaff s Letters from which thg present reprint is made formerly belonged to Dr. Bliss, and is accompanied by Mr. Gutch's original autograph letter. Dr. Bliss bought it of Kerslake of Bristol, and notes that it was not in the Bodleian Catalogue in 1843. A uthor of the Falstaff Letters. xix "These letters were the production of my old schoolfellow, James White, with inci- dental hints and corrections by another schoolfellow, Charles Lamb. "Amongst his friends, White was fami- liarly called 'Sir John.' I was present with him at a masquerade, when he personated Sir John Falstaff, in a dress borrowed from the wardrobe of Covent Garden Theatre, through the kindness of Fawcett, the come- dian. His imitation of the character, or I should say personation, excited great mirth and applause, as well as considerable jealousy from some of the company present, supposed to be hired actors for the occa- sion ; who, with much ill will, procured a rope and held it across the room (at the Pantheon in Oxford Street), and White was obliged to take a leap over the rope to escape being thrown down. The exertion he underwent by this interruption, added to the weight of the dress, injured his health for some days afterwards. "We were at this time in the habit ot meeting at the " Feathers" in Hand Court, Holborn, to drink nips of Burton ale, as they were' called. One of our friends, who was particularly. fond of the beverage, was called 'Nipperkin.' " White was a remarkably open-hearted, xx Memoir of James White, joyous companion ; very intimate with the Lamb family, who were then lodging in Queen Street, Lincoln's Inn Fields. "White married a daughter of Faulder,* the bookseller, the fortunate purchaser of the copyright of Paley's works. He died, I think, in 1822,-f leaving a widow and three, children. White was an idolater of Shake-' speare. He had always several of his ex- pressions and epithets at his ready com- mand, and generally interlarded his con- versation with them. He was the person alluded to in one of Lamb's Essays in Elia, who treated the chimney-sweepers in Smith- field at St. Bartholomew's fair. I was pre- sent at two of the Sausage feasts." Robert Southey in a letter written to Edward Moxon (Keswick, Feb. 2, i836),after the death of Charles Lamb, and containing reminiscences of his early years, says : — " His (Lamb's) most familiar friend, when I first saw him, [in the winter of 1794-5], was White, who held some office at Christ's Hospital, and continued intimate * Mr. Carew Hazlitt prints this name as " Faul" des" ; and makes the next sentence refer to his(F.'s) death, which it is obviously not intended to do. t The correct date of White's death seems rather, according to Leigh Hunt's statement, to have been 1819 or 1820. Author of the Falstaff Letters, xxi with him as long as he lived. . ^ . He and Lamb were joint authors of the Original Letters of Falstaff. . . . Lamb, Lloyd, and White were inseparable' in 1798; the two latter at one time lodged together, though no two men could be imagined more unlike each other. Lloyd had no drollery in his nature; White seemed to have nothing else. You will easily understand how Lamb could sympathise with both."* " One can scarcely help feeling," says Mr. Carew Hazlitt in an interesting volume of Elian waifs and strays, " that if Lamb owed to Coleridge the earliest expansion and en- richment of his mind, and to Southey some- thing of that humour and habit of putting thoughts and images into quaint modern- antique clothing, he was also not altogether without obligations to James White, author of the Falstaff Letters. It was when Lamb and his family were in Little Queen Street, and their fortunes were at the lowest ebb, that White published this little volume. Its sale was nominal. Its fate was curious. Some thought it to be Lamb's ; others thought it to be White's ; a few (and these were on the right scent) deemed it to be a * Life and Correspondence of Robert Southey, Lond. 1850, vol. vi., pp. 286-287. xxii Memoir of James White, partnership to which Lamb had contributed suggestions, and White the remainder. " Lamb's naturally cheerful and almost mercurial temperament receives, perhaps, its earliest illustration from his concern in the book referred to. At a point of time when we know that he was in circumstances of the utmost indigence and domestic wretchedness, he could summon animal spirits to take an active interest in a publi- cation which was not in the least degree likely to be remunerative, and which was merely a facetious literary hoax. I do not at all know what Lamb's personal views may have been ; but it has been conjectured that White was induced to embark in the undertaking to denote his contempt for the Ireland forgeries, and derision of the public credulity. But he could hardly have expec- ted that the world would take so many years to come at the true character of his own performance, and that at the sale of the Duke of Roxburghe's library, as late as 1812, a copy would fetch a ridiculous sum as the genuine Falstaff Correspondence. The purchaser shall be nameless ! " Spurious as White's lucubration was, and unsatisfactory, in some respects, as we may consider Lamb's connexion with it to have been, we must not be sure that it has A uthor of the Falstaff Letters, xxiii not the merit of having first directed the attention of the latter* to Shakespearian letters."f " Is not the germ of Lamb's inestimable prolusion upon Roast Pig," writes some one on the fly-leaf of Dr. Bliss'sJ copy, " to be found at p. xii — xiv of the Preface to this quaint and humorous production ? § " At Mrs. Quickly's demise they devolved, among other outlandish papers, . . to her heiress- at-law, an elderly maiden sister, who, unfortunately for all the world, and to my individual eternal sorrow and regret, of all the dishes in the culinary system, was fond of roast pig. "A curse on her Epicurean guts, that could not be contented with plain mutton, like the rest of her Ancestors ! * We may be quite sure that the exact reverse was the case (see Examiner notice, suprd,, p. xiii..) t Mary and Charles Lamb ; Poems, Letters and Remains, by W. Carew Hazlitt. Lond. 1874, pp. 154, 155- X Not "Mr. Gutch's copy," as Mr. Hazlitt strangely calls it. § " It really seems not unlikely," says Mr. Haz- litt, " that such was the case. Who knows but that Lamb was part author of that same Preface ? An in- teresting problem, indeed when we reflect that of all Eliana, this Dissertation upon Roast Pig is very nearly the most familiar and dear to us all ; and xxiv Memoir of James White, "Reader, whenever as journeying on- ward in thy epistolary progress, a chasm should occur to interrupt the chain of events, I beseech thee blame not me, but curse the rump of roast-pig. This maiden-sister, con- ceive with what pathos I relate it, absolutely made use of several no doubt invaluable letters, to shade the jutting protuberances of that animal from disproportionate ex- coriation in its circuitous approaches to the fire." A recent and more voluminous jeu d'es- prit on the Falstaffian circle, the designer and author of which were probably not unindebted to White's book, at least for the suggestion of it, is entitled "The Life of Sir John Falstaff, illustrated by George Cruik- shank, with a Biography of the Knight from Authentic Sources by Robert B. Brough,20 plates and vignette on wrapper, in ten shil- ling parts, 8vo. Lond. Longmans, 1857-8." From the Preface to this volume, we ex- tract the following remarks, which may fit- perhaps, nemo scit quominus, those astounding re- velations on the first principles of Crackling were in embryo in the author's brain years upon years before they were matured and presented to the world." (p. 157.) Author of the Falstaff- Letters, xxv tingly close our little monograph ; — " The whole range of imaginative litera- ture affords no instance of a fictitious per- sonage ranking, almost inseparably, in the public faith with the characters of actual history, parallel to that of the inimitable Falstaff of Shakespeare. . . The peculiar association of Falstaff with events that are knownto have occurred, and personages who are known to have lived, — added to the fact that his character has been developed to greater length and with more apparent fondness than the poet was wont to indulge in, — make it a matter of positive difficulty to disbelieve that Falstaff actually lived, and influenced the age he is assumed to have belonged to, — as much as to doubt that Henry V. conquered at Agjncourt, that Hotspur was irascible, and Glendower conceited." The full titles of the first and second issues of Falstaff's Letters (bearing date 1796 and 1797 respectively) are here appended. The body of the book was never reprinted, though the author would doubtless have looked upon that as " a consummation devoutly to be wished for." xxvi Memoir of fames White. There is no difference except in the title,* which was evidently reprinted for trade reasons to push the sale ; the words "second edition'' being, to speak euphemistically, a myth. i st Title:— Original Letters, &c. / of / Sir John Fal- stafF / and / his Friends ; / now first made public by a gentleman, / a descendant of / Dame Quickly, / from / Genuine Manu- scripts / which have been in the possession / of the / Quickly Family / near four hundred years. — London : / Printed for the Author;/ and published by / Messrs. G. G. and J. Robinsons, Paternoster-row ; / J. Debrett, Piccadilly ; and Murray and / Highley, No. 32 Fleet-street, / 1796. (pp. xxiv. 123.) 2nd Title :— Original Letters, &c. /of/ Sir John Fal- staff / selected from / Genuine MSS. / which have been in the possession of / Dame Quickly / and / her descendants / near four hundred years. — The Second Edition. / Dedicated to / Master Samuel Irelaunde. / London : / Published by, &c. / 1797. (pp. xxiv. 123.) * e.g., the Erratum (page 90, line 15), and di- rection on p. xxiv to correct it, remain the same in both issues. ©rfgfaal mttrs, $cu OF SIR JOHN FALSTAFF. ®rfffinal ftettersf, &z. OF SIR JOHN FALSTAFF AND HIS FRIENDS; NOW FIRST MADE PUBLIC BY A GENTLEMAN, A DESCENDANT OF DAME QUICKLY, FROM GENUINE MANUSCRIPTS WHICH HAVE BEEN IN THE POSSESSION OF THE QUICKLY FAMILY NEAR FOUR HUNDRED YEARS. LONDON: PRINTED FOR THE AUTHOR ; AND PUBLISHED BY MESSRS. G. G. AND J. ROBINSONS, PATERNOSTER-ROW ; J. DEBRETT, PICCADILLY ; AND MURRAY AND HIGHLEY, NO. 32, FLEET-STREET. 1796. 3B<$iBS@arc¥@'NiJ. ©o i&aflcr Samuel IrelaunDe. •ftigilt ©urtefcs ano ©rutrite Sgrre, itJi©aa;!EN unto gou it iss fo&atte maner of menne tjeic 6e in tjjgtf f«S*» MJo tieeme tjeg Doe manftgnoe mocj&el ferbgce, fojjan in tjjegre Uuo forte tfjeg matte mocfte at trcfo frgente, to^jjdj tonfsflet?j for t$e mod parte, it Oiolbe feeme, in t\>e noticed toe fmbc lefte us of antiquitie. ©jjefe 6e menne, toljo tljlnue fcorne of pagnsMnucing SSaigJts (lifce gou or me) foljo from tjje mgnes of remote tgnie 6g tjgntc of togle to brgnge fortjje to biefo tfje pretiouss goloe anl> tjje fglbere, (foi)ere= a 3 in [ vi ] hi it mag not be farre from our bifcourfe to re= matte after fobatte fafljgone tje mgnes JE fiere Difeufle boc Differ from mgnes pbgffc ot natural. 3En as mocbe as tbefe latter Doe renberre uppe tbegre treafures gette being rube, anb (as menne romonlg faien) in tbe oarre j fobereas tjjofe mgnes tntelleSual, abounben in a forte of metal, fobgebe tometj) fortjje onmgngleb fogtbe bafer matter, anb beargnge engraben onne it tbe marbe anb impreffe, fabgtbe to menne sftglful in focbe tbnnges, anb canbibe, potbe notifie ano allure its autbentieitle. Perabbenture, neebe is S UoIPc fiere fetcbe inflaunce from tfjatte treto mgne anD rgebe betn of poesge ougge out in tbefe lafl tags bg tbat gounge JSriftotogan, anD fofijDtbe to all fount) mgnoes Dgo ebibence a genuine bgrtbe. (®bo' tbeve be, tofio flgtbe notte to affgrme tbat tlje antique Kofoleg bias noe ooer tbanne tbe flrgplinge (ifbatterton, tberein erring.) 13ote tbgs is a magne Digrefsgone from tbe matter in bonbe, tbo' therein 3E flanbe notte alone, babt'ng notable exemplar t vii ] exemplar in tj&atte famote ZTOg&t of Sntiquitie, tije Ratine poet BlergiliuS (as I>an ©ftautet 'depetj) !>im argg&te, fo&om t&e mmegnge moutjje of after tgmes mgs=nametf) Virgil.) ?Ufoe if neefce toece, X mig&t Ijete cite tlje exemplar of tljatte grete ©lerfee ijimfelfe, of fojjom j)is pupil jopenfer tode affgrmctij tljatte I)e ig a "3Hell of " <£nglgsl)e onoefgfeo." after tijgs faUgonc jje tpcafeet^. &nO nofo letten us come fortDtoitije to tl)e main fubteae of our Difcourfe. ©Ijote rare ggft*s of iFortuna to mentre, tjje Iggbtgnge upon loll rccorBeg, ant) tj}e Inbcntgone* of JW5&. i)abe in t|jgs oure 6ag« Seen farre ouU- conne 6g tjjatte rare bifcoberie Sg gourtdfe mabe. Sell me, rurtets Sgrre, foas it fig fpaoe anb 6g mattoefte tjjatte gou l>gb fgnoe tfjefe gooblge t&gnges? 8&ere t&ofe ftrefobe ftnabes caterers for gou, fofco Dgo fatljome a grabs for Jttiftrcfge ©pljelia? Wjote maboc rogues fot)o bgb poke * Inventyone, or difcoverie, from the Latine verbe, in- venio. & 4 agagnste [ yiii ] agagnfte tjie feull of a Droll Siefterre, tjjerebg afforbgnge morije matter of matbematgcale fonne for JWatter Haurcnrc gsteme ? iWetbinfcs gou ooe call to life agagne t&attc gtoote ttoannc of $tbomte, tofjofc j&ongcg D^O founSc fo pleafaunt in tbe cares of tfjattc peevlefse JWagben ©uene ant) re. nofemeo btSrix of Jjpagne, ©lijabetj). iSote bg tbe prgce fette upon gout labours bg tbe togtteg of tbe age, it (boIHe feeme lamentable matter of facte, bofoe mocbe pocfg, anb tbe prgme pbanSes ano con= reipts of conngnge menne are fallen into contempte in tbcfe tbe foorlbts lafl Sages, iiatjjclcfs, iWatter Irelaunbc, letten us not be fruitelefslge cafte oofone — OTbe tgme botbe fafte appvoebe, nag eben noto is clofe at Jjonbe, foben tfje obercbargeb cloubes of fcepticgfme mufte incontinentlge bantfij before conbictione's ferener flOclfetn, and i£D- monoe ffiall in bagne refume bgS laboured. 8?r= refte tbgne egne — loofce batfte atte tbe gooblge figure of tbe auntlent IKnigbte — nage, Ioofie notte curforge, it is tjje imprefse of a rggbte benerable picture t ix ] piaurc traunfmitteo &obmcfoart>eiS tjjrouB&e oure jjoufe forte foure fionoreooe geareg. — jfceefl thou notte the antique charactered ggrabco onne the 3Selte 1 Doubtlefse tficj ooe reflefle a lighte coU laterale uponnc tj&s clerfcilii manufergptess ; anoe tioubtlcfge iig a ttoofolCe operatjione Doe theg con= fgrme unto the toodoe tig thegre ebioence tije truth of the iFalflaffe Eetteress. ©o concluoe ; the matter of fafie (as foe it fiioloe feeme) mufle 6c pleafaunt ano gratefull untoe thee, iWafler Ire- launbe, to fensto thatte in the tiageis of the JFiftfj f^envj an antefior of thpne ioag a maker of ®runfee ¥?ofe, or ag it fsf fpofcen of in thefe mo« Derne tgmes, a mafeer of ^antalooncs. ©ruftjing thatte potteritie Umll get remunerate ua for oure untie rtafegngeg (fohgcfi are Emglare) fogthe a Igfte portgone of lauo ano pragfe, I Doe commence thee unto thge befte fortuned. fellooulabourer in the mgneg of antiquitie, and moste humble fer= bante to commanoe, PREFACE. (^\F all the valuable remains of Antiquity, the world has ever efpecially patronifed thofe, which any ways tend todevelope the characters of men eminent in their day. — The Cu- rate's Sermons we can fubicribe to from motives of humanity to his Widow ; not to hint at thei r utility, adminiftered occafionally,as narcotics. A fimilar impulfe, perhaps a fellow- feeling, endears us to the Author, whofe taylor is importunate. — But the familiar papers, and epiftolary tablets, of a man renown'd among his cotem- A 6 poraries, [ xii 1 poraries, famous through fucceeding centuries, happy be his dole, who fhall refcue from the Epicurean tooth of Vandal Moth accurs'd !— The An- tiquarian fhall ever prefent him the right hand of fellowfhip ; nor lefs efteem the yellow colourings, laid on their nibbled furface by the kindly hand of time, than the mellow hues, with which the fame friendly touch hath perfected fome undoubted work of Guido, or the Caracci. I am happy in prefenting the world with a feries of moft interefting ma- nufcript letters, &c They were found by Mrs. Quickly, Landlady of the Boar Tavern in Eaftcheap, in a private drawer, at the left hand corner of a walnut-tree efcrutoire, the pro- perty of Sir John Falftaff, after the good Knight's death. At Mrs. Quickly's [ xiii ] Quickly's demife, which happened in Auguft, 1 41 9, they devolved, among other Outlandifh papers,fuch as leafes, title-deeds, &c. to her heirefs at law, an elderly maiden fitter; who, unfor- tunately for all the world, and to my individual eternal forrow and regret, of all the dimes in the culinary fyftem, was fond of roaft pig. A curfe on her Epicurean guts, that could not be contented with plain mutton, like the reft of her Anceftors! Reader, whenever as journeying on- ward in thy epiftolary progrefs, a chafm mould occur to interrupt the -chain of events, I befeech thee blame not me, but curfe the rump of roaft pig. This maiden -fifter,conceive with what pathos I relate it,abfolutely made ufe of feveral, no doubt invaluable letters, [ xiv ] letters, to fhade the jutting protube- rances of that animal from diipropor- tionate excoriation in its circuitous approaches to the fire. My friend, Mr. *•***, decypherer of ancient records,on fhewing him the manufcripts, and communicating my misfortune, flily hinted at his pof- feflion of feme curious yellow pa- pers. — However gratified I might feel at this inftance of his friendmip, however practicable I might conceive it to forge the mere manual characters, how are the efcapes, the burfls of hu- mour, of Sir John Falftaff to be deli- neated, his quips, and his gybes? No, Sirs, I might as well attempt, (with every reipect to Alchymifts, Amalga- mators, &c. — Gentlemen, I bow to you) I might as well attempt to incor- porate [ xv ] porate Solar-effence with Epping- b utter. It may be objected againft the au- thenticity of my Manufcripts,that they do not appear in the proper garb of their age. — To this I anfwer, that I do not make them public for the gratifi- cation of the Virtuofo, but for the amufement of the whole world; three- fourths of whom are too far advanced in life,to commence their ftudies in the raoft noble fcience of antient orthogra- phy. Far be it from me to fhrinkfrom the investigation of the fcholar, or the critic. Gentlemen, my clofet is open to you — I very refpecTfully entreat your entrance. From your convidlions I anticipate, I already hear, the united commands of the whole world vibrate in my ear, to bring forward other Manuscripts in my pofleflion; Manu- fcripts, [ xvi ] fcripts, which contain many very im- portant traits, and features of charac- ter, in Sir John FalftafF, but lightly touched upon by Shakfpere. — What an immenfe acquifition to the Thea- tres! I had once,indeed, thought of giving them a dramatic form,for the purpofe of communicating them to the Ma- nager of Covent-garden ; but the fplendid tafte of the age, inceflantly calling on him for gaudes and mews, the very nature of which rauft neceffa- rily arreft his whole attention, I fear'd they might be laid on the fhelf, " that " Bourn whence no Traveller re- "turns;" and thus, with other valuable writings, be loft to the world. Super- added to this, a fpecies of delicacy I cannot defcribe, 'tis nearly allied to pride, forbad my parting with them unfolicited. [ xv " ] unfolicited. Perhaps a refpedtful ap- plication from the manager, Mr. Harris, through the medium of Mr. F******, or any other diftinguifhed performer, might conduce But really this is fo delicate a fubj eel:, that — It may be afked, how they came into my pofleflion ? 1 befeech thee, good Mr. Inquifitive, urge not the queftion. — Ofall the occupations fub- fervient to the views of man,none was ever to me fo vituperative,as that of a Publican. — What the Street-walker is in the flefh, that is the Publican in the fpirit, amenable to the caprice of every unbridled paffion. — And yet, that I mould have emigrated from the loins of a Publican, be bred, no, not bred, born and begotten of a Pub- lican ! Whence can the fatality arife! Reader, [ xviii | Reader, the Manufcript came to me by diredt inheritance. Matter Quickly, Mafter Quickly, amid thy daily roar of fubaltern bafe- bprn* revelry, thou art little confcious of the illuftrious perfonages that once honoured thy roof; — of the memorials that yet remain of their being to an eftranged branch of thy race. The names of Faljiaff, Hal, Corporal Bar- do Iph, are ftrange to thee. I do not marvel : for they have ceafed, Mafter Quickly, to be on thy fcore. — Yet if thy blood is not utterly degene- rate, if any particle remains to thee of the dignity of our houfe, put thy pipe into thy mouth, and walk fedately with me. * The Boar's-head in Eaftcheap, now a common pot-houfe. A fage [ xix ] A fage writer remarks, tho' time obliterateth, yet not relentlefs in his ravages, he leaveth fome flight tradi- tionary token to footh the memory of paft times. Shut the door. Thou art now, where Sir John was want to folace himfelf,in the identical Pomegranate.* Doth not the Genius of the place fi- lently rebuke thy pride, that hath taken a flight fb far beneath thy an- ceftry? The Boar's-head, in days of yore the refort of every quality proper and handfome, to become a rendezvous for the many-fpecied fcions of the mechanick-ftock ! The Pomegranate, * A Room fo called in the Boar Tavern, which Sir John was partial to. ancient [ xx ] ancient receptacle of illuftrious Wits, Bloods, who " Daft'd the world afide, " and bid it pals," to be choak'd with the feeds of every bafer plant ! It is not well — By the fat Friar's fcalp of merry Sherwood, it is not well. Thy grandam, Mafter Quickly, was a Wight, in whom the culinary at- tainments of man delighted to refide. She mingled nedtareous fack — Thou art more — Thou art a pious houfe- holder In the twelfth hour of the night, when thy cattle, and the ftran- ger, and the afs, and all that is within thy gate, are affembled to offer up their orifons, call thou aloud upon the indignant manes of the departed Knight — confefsthydegeneracy — pro- mife purgation of his polluted haunts, and if fo his fhade will be pacified, that the merry Sackbut fhallfupercede the [ xxi ] the clanking of pewter, throughout the Boar. — At fuch an hour, if there be any convexity in thy roofs, expect thou a folemn anfwer. I have yet a point to fettle, and then I leave thee to the buftle of thy domi- ciliary regeneration. — Thou haft mif- ufed me damnably, Mafter Quickly. — Not Zeno with all his Stoics about him — not Job with all his oxen about him,wouldbear my wrongs patiently. Had I blafted the Boar's good name, had I libidinoufly approach'd mine hofteis, and wound a recheat on thy brow, thou hadft fome fhadow of rea- fon; but to maltreat a kind, philan- thropick, well-difpofed Gentleman, difintereftedly coming forward for the amufement of the whole world,all his own concerns ftagnant ! oh ! 'tis Very foul and unmannered. — I defire thou wilt I xxii | wilt go to Mr. Robinfon's, and take fix copies of this my publication, pay- ing the full price for each, individu- ally. Thou feeft, I am incontinently prone to lenity, even to the very detriment of my fortunes. — Canft thou imagine, that any other writer of my merits, elaborate, cogitabund, fanciful in the garnifhment of a quaint conceit, and reeking with my difappointments, would be pacified with fo trivial a conceflion ? I look'd to have feen a finug proper Gentleman ftep from his chair in the Pomegranate,and vote each member a fet of the Knight's adven- tures. — I look'd I fhould have received ten pounds ; and, by the Martyrdom of holy Polycarp, thou haft no more Club, than is compounded of labour- ing fmiths, circumcis'd Anglo-He- brews, [ xxiii | brews, and revolted apprentices; fuch a farrago of unhous'd Arabs, as La- zarus himfelf would have fcorn'd con- fortance with. — Oh ! thou haft much mifus'd me — — a' God's name, let the ftable be cleanfed — to work with Herculean brawn! To work! to work! to work ! There is a certain defcription of writers, whofe great volubility of genius cannot ftop calmly and foberly to look behind ever andanon,and gatherupthe errors and abfurdities of a warm ima- gination — No — 'tis too mechanical for your picked man of genius. — He blindly pufhes forward for the goal, nor ever even fteps afide, unlefe in- deed, Atalanta-like, to catch at a Golden Apple. Cervantes feems to have been of this clafs ; or he would certainly have never thought of mount- ing [ xxiv, ] ing Dapple on Panza, (I beg Sancho's pardon, I mean Panza on Dapple,) when the rogue Gynes was at the fame time beftride him a dozen miles dif- tant. I thank Nature (I think it a Wett- ing) for having caft me in a more phlegmatic mould Reader, the Preface is but fhort — look back — If thou haft caught me tripping, if I am in ought accountable to thee, I pro- mife to explain or rectify in my next edition. ORIGINAL ORIGINAL LETTERS. *FALSTAFF TO PRINCE HENRY. T_TERE, young Gentlemen, go you to the Prince. Robert Shallow, efq ; hath fent thee a haunch of Gloucefterfhire veni- fon, Hal; with a good commodity of pip- pins, carraways, commendations, and re- membrances. Ha ! ha ! ha ! I tell thee what, Hal, thou art moll damnably down in the withers; thou art, as it were, a Prince without weight. — An I don't plump thee * The correfpondence appears to have commenced while Sir John flopped at Shallow's feat in Gloucefter- fhire to pick up recruits in his way to York.— Vide the fecond part of King Henry the Fourth— 3d A&. B out 2 ORIGINAL LETTERS. out like a Chriftmas turkey, then am I a rogue. Oh ! I am fitting in a nefl of the mofl unfledg'd Cuckows that ever brooded under the wing of Hawk. Thou muft know, Hal, I had note of a good hale Recruit or two in this neighbourhood. In other fhape came I not ; look to it, Mailer Shallow, that in other fhape I depart not. — But I know thou art ever all defire to be admitted a Fellow- Commoner in a jeft. Robert Shallow, efq; judgeth the hamlet of Cotswold. Doth not the name of Judge horribly chill thee? With Aaron's rod in his hand, he hath the white beard of Mofes on his chin. In good-footh his perpetual countenance is not unlike what thou wouldft conceit of the momentary one of the lunatic Jew, when he tumbled God's Tables from the Mount. He hath a quick bufy gait, and a huge Soldier-like beaver, furmounted with a Cock- ade. The valorous Juftice, at the head of fome ORIGINAL LETTERS. 3 fome dozen or two Domeftics and others, once apprehended a brace of deferters ; and ever fince doth he affiime this badge — Ha ! ha ! ha ! More of this upright Judge (perpendi- cular as a Pikeman's weapon, Hal,) anon. I would difpatch with thefe Bardolph ; but the knave's Hands — (I cry thee mercy) his Mouth is full, in preventing defertion among my Recruits. An every Liver among them han't flood me in 3 and 40 milling, then am I a naughty Efcheator. — I tell thee what, Hal, I'd fight againft my confcience for never a prince in Chriflendom but thee. — Oh ! this is a moll damnable caufe, and the rogues know it — they'll drink nothing but fack of three and two-pence a gallon, and I enlift me none but tall puiffant* Fellows that would quaff me up Fleet-ditch, were it * It is needlefs to obferve, that Mouldy, Bullcalf, Wart, Feeble, and Shadow, muft have formed the able recruits fir John here alludes to. B 2 filled 4 ORIGINAL LETTERS. filled with fack — pick'd men, Hal — fuch as will fhake my lord of York's mitre. I pray thee, fweet Lad, make fpeed — thou malt fee glorious deeds ! John Falstaff. FALSTAFF TO THE PRINCE. Ha! ha! ha! fupport me, Hal! fupport me ! — An I don't quake more than when the lunatick Iheriflf would ha' carted me for Newgate, there's nought goodly in a cup of fack. — Oh ! I am damnably provided here — Let me pawn as many points in my wind, as dame Prodigal's whelp Neceflity hath imprefs'd of my chattels for centinel-fer- vice in Miflrefs Urfula's fliop, and never a ftitch on 'em would that Bardolph redeem. I might overwhelm myfelf, and rot on the ground. — An there was not a little fmack of kind-heartednefs in fugar-candy, God help old Jack ! he might lie in the glebe for brawn-feed. — Here is matter Robert Shal- low, ORIGINAL LETTERS. 5 low, with his rod of juflice hath done what Sir Colevile, or the Scotchman Douglas, aye, or young Harry himfelf, would have given his ears to atchieve — he hath put me down, Hal. I would to God Cotfwold were in Spain, for there the gentlemen do never laugh — By the Lord, this uncomb'd hemp-ftalk doth breed more convulfive pro- penfities in man, than is in a whole fry of ftricken Finfmen* ; and yet is it all un- wittingly ; — though his countenance be as fharp as the tweak of a bully, his wit is as benumbing too. Here hath been a whore- fon murderer brought before him ; the El- der would enforce my affiftance — ha ! ha ! ha ! — mine, Hal ! who was never feated on bench, except indeed at mine hoftefs's, in the way of unbuttoning to my vefpers after dinner ; and I would to God every geminy of Nuns in his Majefty's dominions had my difpoffeffion of the frail creature in * Sir John's conceit is here rather obfcure. — I fubmit, but with great deference, whether he does not allude to the fenfitive nature of the Torpedo, which is immediately convulfed on being touched. B 3 their 6 ORIGINAL LETTERS. their worfhip — they'd not want for miracle- working I can allure 'em. — Well, Hal, when I look'd the rogue fhould be com- mitted for trial, lo ! Robert commanded he mould be immediately hung up by the gills ! 'Twas not that Robert was unjuft. or cruel — no. — Robert quak'd at the ferocious fur- rows on the rogue's brow. — There was a jail at hand; — the rogue was gyv*d — and yet Robert quak'd— ha ! ha ! ha 1 Mailer Silence the Law-giver too favoured fhrewd- ly of difmay — he thought the man might in confcience be hung — Davy might help his good Coz. — he'd take it upon his word Cotfwold records had it in point — ha 1 ha ! ha ! Thou knoweft, Hal, it was not for me to crop the green ears of a goodly joke-har- veft — I am no April fcythefman — with the alacrity of a fhrewd leafer, I gathered up the errant Gybelings of my brow, and com- mended their Worfhips' quick adminiflra- tion of juftice. — An if the knave had fwung, what the goodger! — 'Stead of county yeomen on a bafe bench, he had his jury of kites and daws to fit on him, under the fweet ORIGINAL LETTERS. 7 fweet canopy of the fkies. — But Davy, Davy, Davy, dole'd him a longer life. — This many-fpecied fubaltem of mailer Shal- low's, being advifed of the matter, quickly halted in under the yoke of a villainous tub of Jew's-bane, a pannier of newly- O.ucken hog's-blood, or I'm the impotentefl varlet that ever tilted at lip. — Wouldft thou believe it, Hal ? Barabbas was inftantly commanded to prifon — Davy, and his crimfon fry, to Shallow were of more im- port than the chariefl Bona-roba in all Eafl- cheap to thee, thou naughty hip-o'-the-haw- thorn lover. Oh ! thou would'fl have diflill'd moft damnably, to hear the fhrill judge and his man, like Judas and the High-prieft, pafs bufy queftion and anfwer upon the price of blood ! — Davy had tranf- ported the reeking mafs to Robin Pluck's coiner of puddings — Robin admitted the complexion of the commodity — 'twas ex- cellent — but Robin thought half a noble a long fliot — ha ! ha ! ha ! Mailer Pluck, let me counfel thee — An the wrath of Robert Shallow efq ; be not a commodity of July B 4 weather, 8 ORIGINAL LETTERS. weather, mailer Pluck, look to thyfelf — thou wilt be moil damnably amerc'd, mailer Pluck, thou wilt be as bare as a drawn goofe, an thou doll not fmooth thy ruffled feathers, and compound, mailer Pluck, thou wilt be doubly amerc'd — Robert Shal- low, efquire, hath faid it — ha ! ha ! ha ! I pray God, Bardolph be not whipt for a whorefon knave — He hath difpatched a coop of trodden pullet for Eallcheap — rare living, Hal ! rare fperm for Sherris ! but the rogue hath not advifed mailer Shallow of their march, and Robert hath a moll damnable yearning bowel toward his com- pany. — We mull be chary of their blood* Hal — Do not thou lead them into adlion ere I do come. — A plague upon all hurry, fay I. — An it had not been for the over- weening Hotbloods at York, who did madly join battle ere valour could arrive to (hew itfelf, I mould have been made a Duke, and now mufl I tarry till thou art King. Well, I (hall look to be accoutred forth to my dignities, I can affure thee — Some ORIGINAL LETTERS. 9 Some bright emblem to outfliine Courtier-, hood— a pretty flight model of dame Venus in her evening orbit, or the puiffant Mars in the inftant of tilting. No little mad-cap fhooting liar to twinkle in my portly fir- mament ! Here is miftrefs Quickly, mine hoftefs, doth indite to me for monies. — I am not a walking exchequer— She cannot draw upon my ribs. I would, my fweet Hal, thou'dft fend her to one Harry Monmouth, a fprightly mad wag of fome fix foot high, who doth much refort unto the Boar tavern. — He is much my debtor. John Falstaff. FALSTAFF TO THE PRINCE. I pr'ythee, Hal, lend me thy 'kerchief. — An thy unkindnefs ha'nt ftarted more fait gouts down my poor old cheek, than my good rapier hath of blood from foemen's B s games IO ORIGINAL LETTERS. games in 5 and 30 year's fervice, then am I a very fenfelefs mummy. I fquander away in drinkings monies be- longing to the foldiery ! I do deny it— they have had part-— the furplus is gone in cha- rity — accufe the parifh-omcers — make them reftore — the whorefon wardens do now put on the cloaca of fupplication at the church doors, intercepting gentlemen for charity, forfooth ! — Tis a robbery, a villainous rob- bery ! to come upon a gentleman reeking with piety, God's book in his hand, brim- full of the facrament ! Thou knoweft, Hal, as I am but man, I dare in fome fort leer at the plate and pafs, but as I have the body and blood of Chrift within me, could I do it ? An I did not make an oblation of a matter of ten pound after the battle of Shrewfbury, in humble gratitude for thy fafety, Hal, then am I the verieft tranf- greffor denounced in God's code. — But I'll fee them damn'd ere I'll be charitable again. Let 'em coin the plate — let them coin the holy chalice. To ORIGINAL LETTERS. [I To fay that I have not naturalifed matter Silence, that I ftand not on the debtor fide of accounts with him, would be horribly forgetful and incorrect — to fay that he mail fee my coinage in the way of honourable reimburfement, gentleman-like repayment, would favour much of honefty, 'tis true, but more (I confefs it, I confefs it, Hal) of leafing. To fay that I feel not a kind of tendr6 for mafter Robert Shallow, while he hath fack, beeves, with emanating bowels to- wards old fir John, would befpeak me the Infidel, the Jew — but to confefs (faving a certain refpecT: due to the affeveration of my fweet Hal) that I love the man Shallow, or the man Silence, in other lhape or degree than as the leech loveth the temple, much lefs that I have fquandered monies on thefe raw bare-brain'd Yonkers, fit only to be worn on Bankrupt days by Uncertificated Wits — to confefs that I have familiarifed my perfon to their companies, to the detriment of thy father's affairs, fetting the feemlinefs 01 B 6 gentle- 12 ORIGINAL LETTERS. gentlemanhood afide, would be lying in my throat through the falfe paffage of my mouth, would render the bafe pander my tongue worthy the center of a pewter-dim, to be crimp'd with capon, and engulph'd for a difobedient Jonas. For thy father's ficknefs, I am not Efcu- lapius, or I would prune and reftore the old oak — but it hath flied it's acorns, and now comes winter — Is not the progreflion natural ? No more of the departed monies, Hal, an thou loveft me. — Would'ft thou rake up the aflies of the dead? — Nay, an if that's thy humour, then rnufl Pluto become a child of fight. John Falstaff. the ORIGINAL LETTERS. 1 3 THE BISHOP OF WORCESTER TO HIS HIGHNESS OF WALES. If to do away infinuations of difaffedtion be as acceptable to a magnanimous prince, as it is indifpenfible to the fubtle honour of a reprefentative of Chrift Jefus, I mail feel the lefs compunction in turning for a mo- ment the current of your Highnefs's weighty thoughts ; but they are already here ; they muft flow, my lord, with the channelled blood of the thoufands of unabfolved fouls lately facrificed at the fhrine of the Arch- deceiver Rebellion. Among the many Lords, Knights, and Efquires, reforting to Shrewfbury to render Oblations for the iflue of this eventful con- ten., was the~ knight fir John Falftaff. — This layman, who accufeth me to your highnefs- of difaffedtion, hath fullied his name in arms by defiling the facred temple of his God. He is excommunicate; nor can aught, fave the Toe of the Almighty's vice- 14 ORIGINAL LETTERS viceregent fave him from everlafting per- dition. My lord, while other barons and knights, his majefty's liege-fubjedls, were making rich oblations and endowments for the maimed foldiery, while the prieflhood chaunted forth the excellencies of charity, and the offertory laboured with coflly gifts, the folemnities were fuddenly arrefted by the clamours of fir John Falftaff, and a crew of diforderly retainers, for bread and wine. The functionaries of the Higheft. were blafphemoufly attacked with grofs fpeech and uncouth phrafe*, and the facred wine riotbufly and tumultuoufly ravifhed from their hands. Menaces of your highnefs's difpleafure were muted from his unclean lips, and the vafials of the holy Virgin ex- cited to irreverend demeanour by gefticula- tions more feemly to the fpontaneous foil of youth, than the furrowed glebb of age. They were recreantly expelled, and folemn Excommunication pronounced againft this impious man, who had profanely tendered * I fear ancient Piftol was hi this coil. a copper ORIGINAL LETTERS. 15 a copper groat as an oblation, and libidin. oufly drank with carnal appetite the blood of his Redeemer. If here, my lord, be room for treafon,. if the anathema of the church weigh too heavily with this con- tempt of its jurisdiction, I am content that imputed difaffection to my liege fill up the balance. There is another matter, my lord. — Sir John, as I am well advifed, is no purlieu- man. By the flatute of his deceafed ma- jelly, none is to hunt unpoffeffed of certain hereditary lands. This knight hath not the fubftance of a pace ; yet under the cloak of your Highnefs' facred name, his hounds un- learned by fwain-mOtes, are loofed to every demefne. His foldiers, the curbing yoke of discipline flipped from their franchifed necks, yerk at the imprefcript, but facred laws of fociety, and bleed the unredreffed peafantry.; — nay, himfelf ftandeth not un- accufed of certain enormities. In the eject- ment of this unworthy man, the facred fervice of the altar was violated. God for- bid 1 6 ORIGINAL LETTERS. bid that fufpicion fhould undefervedly call down a two-fold infamy, and blend facri- lege with impiety; but the very precifian, my lord, hath here fcope for' liberal conjec- ture : — the filver candlefticks dedicated to the fervice of the holy Virgin, were ftolen. True — the unhallowed theft may be afcribed to other than the knight or his retainers, for the tainted wether doth infect the whole flock: but, my lord, when Judas betrayed his mailer, the tumult of his followers was but a cloak for the — All hail! Your Highnefs' liege-fubjecl, Worcester. THE PRINCE TO FALSTAFF. -And fo, Jack, thou didft pioufly offer up ten pound in humble gratitude for my fafety .—ha ! ha ! ha ! — Here is Ned Poins doth proteft 'twas much more — In good truth, Percy was a lufty warrior. — How long didft lay, ORIGINAL LETTERS. 1 7 lay, Jack? Fifteen minutes, as thou fay'ft, by Shrewibury clock. By the mafs, a very mifer ! — Thou fhould'ft have facrificed fifty times ten pound, and covered a fcore rood with thy fat Offerings. Had Hotfpur been the minion of the God, farewell Jack ! he had certainly miftaken thee for my greafe- pot, yea, dipped his fword in thy ribs, and fbunded a retreat. I pr'ythee haft ever beheld Satan, where the Apoftle hath placed [him a tip-toe on the pinnacle of the Temple ? Not in Judea, Jack. Thou may'ft view him, fans optick, at thy own Jerufalem, Eaftcheap, on mine hoftefs's tapeftry. — What fay'ft thou to a likenefs of him, with me at thy fide for a Saviour ? Not the hoary Roman, whom the Gaul caught by the chin, could fhew more ample reverence of beard than doth the tempter (meaning thee), or more meek- nefs of carriage (that's myfelf, Jack), than the tempted. My 1 8 ORIGINAL LETTERS. My lord of Worcefter, methinks, hath mod excellent characters. — See here his letter. By Harry Percy dead, but he fliould be a pope. — Why he would rate re- bellion, that not a Scot would dare to call us Bolingbrokes*, for very dread of his anathema.* Canft thou not help him to the triple crown, Jack; thou, and Bardolph, and Piftol 1 — A copper groat, marry, and a pair of filver candlefticks, to bribe my lord's Cardinals — ha ! ha ! ha ! Well, Jack, thou art excommunicate ; and whe- ther the bofom of the church ever receives thee again, no matter — There's nobody, I believe, cares lefs than thyfelf. For his holinefs' toe 1 prithee haft good pig's trotters with thy Shallow law-giver? — Which had'ft. rather muzzle? The bare- foot is a pleafant pilgrimage to Rome. Ned Poins doth infill thou art nine pounds nineteen millings eight-pence my debtor — * Probably the contemptuous manner in which the oppofite party fpoke of the houfe of Lancafter. Why, ORIGINAL LETTERS. 19 Why, thou vaunting Pharifee, what is be- come of thy ten pound oblation ? I tell thee what, Jack, — Here is my father much fick — I may be a king, heaven knows how foon, perchance to-night — If ever thou doll cloak excefs beneath the name of Harry the Fifth — if ever receive bribes to conceal rebels, (and this thou knowefl I am well advifed of) thy look'd-for exaltation fhall be on the gallows of Haman*. Farewell ! FALSTAFF TO THE PRINCE. Ha ! ha ! ha ! And doft thou think I would not offer up ten pound for thee? Yea, a hundred — more But take heed of difpleafing in thy facrifice. Cain did bring a kid, yea, a firftling upon the altar, * Poor fir John's views were rather confined ; only fifty foot to look forward to for preferment. and 20 ORIGINAL LETTERS. and the blaze afcended not. Abel did ga- ther fimple herbs, penny-royal, Hal, and muftard, a four-penny matter, and the odour was grateful. 1 had ten pound for the holy offertory — mine ancient Piftol doth know it — but the angel did arreft my hand. Could I go beyond the word ? — The angel which did ftretch forth his finger, left, the good patriarch flay his fon. That Ned Poins hath more colours than a jay, more abufe than a taught pie, and for wit the cuckow's dam may be Fool of the Court to him. I lie down at Shrewf- bury out of bafe fear ! I melt into roods, and acres, and poles ! I tell thee what, Hal, there's not a fubjecT; in the land hath half my temperance of valour. — Did I not fee thee combating the man-queller, Hot- fpur ; yea, in peril of fubduement ? Was it for me to lofe my fweet Hal without a thruft, having my rapier, my habergeon, my good felf about me! I did lie. down in the hope of fherking him in the rib — Four drummers and a fifer did help me to the ground. ORIGINAL LETTERS. 21 ground. — Didft thou not mark how I did leer upon thee from beneath my buckler? That Poins hath more fcurrility than is in a whole flock of difquieted geefe. For the rebels I did conceal, thou fhould'ft give me laud. — I did think thou wert already encompaffed with more enemies than the refources of man could prevent overwhelm- ing thee; yea, that thou wert the dove on the waters of Ararat, and didft lack refting- place. Was it for me to heap to thy ma- nifold difquiets ] Was it for me to fret thee with the advice of more enemies than thou didft already know of! I could not take their lives, and therefore did I take their monies. — I did fine them, left they fhould 'fcape, Hal, thou doft underftand me, without chaftifement ; — yea, I fined them for a punifhment. They did make oath on the point of my fword to be true men — An the rogues forefwoie themfelves, and joined the Welchman, let them look to it — 'tis no 'peachment of my virtue. Thou 22 ORIGINAL LETTERS. Thou didft. conceit me a cherifher of re- bellion — I mud hang) forfooth, upon con- ception ! — Fie, Hal, Fie I Didft. thou ever know mother to wean upon conception ? — Fie! Mine hoft. Shallow doth greet thee well ; he doth proteft " thou art a good back- " fwordfman, or the young earl's degree " would never have been lowered ; — the " Northumbrians were ever good at fence." He doth remember the old duke at tour- nament, Hal. — Ha ! ha ! ha ! I do purpofe entertaining the Juftice at Eaftcheap — a rare gueft, Hal, — Juftice at miftrefs Quickly'sj but therefore the more welcome. Oh ! he will give thee the dry laugh till thou art as much disjointed, yea, as the gates of Gaza. — He will be a very Sampfon unto thee — He will pluck thee down. I come, ORIGINAL LETTERS. 23 I come, mailer Shallow, I come. — I am bidden to supper, Hal. Let me hear of thee, but a' God's name no more acrimony, an thou loveft Jack Falstaff. JUSTICE SHALLOW TO DAVY. How do affairs go ? How do things go on, Davy? Are the Iheep-flealers taken? Marry, bid Robin Bratton look to the deer, and let there be a fall among the Pollards that look to the Cleys. — We muft have a good profpect, Davy — We don't look far enough — A lord mould look far — I muft have a pedigree conceived — Pelt, the tanner, muft get fome fkins ready, a large fkin or two — a new lord hath always a new pedi- gree. — Bid William take the ftreaked ram from the ewes, and let the 14 acre head- land be thrown into the park — marry, for the red wheat — it muft not appear. — A fad lofs, Davy, but the rutting muft have fcope. —We 24 ORIGINAL LETTERS. —We mull enlarge the deer-feld— fir John loves venifon. I hope, Davy, you comport yourfelf as becomes the reprefentative of one of the Quorum. I would be underftood, that you keep up your dignity, and carry your body difcreetly, and foberly, and fedately, and not prabble and drink at common houfes. — You are too much given to it, Davy. It may pleafe his facred majefty, that I yield up his gracious commiflion — I , fay, Davy, 'tis a thing that is poflible; and I could defire and wifh, that my coufin Silence fhould have a doughty helpmate, one who knows the laws of the land, and could en- force his Majefty' s moil gracious briefs and ordinances. Your underftanding is good, Davy, and you have an indifferent know- ledge in the ftatutes. — I could wifh to fee you in better provifion ; but indeed you do not comport yourself with that clean de- cency I could defire. — Whenever it pleaf- eth his moft gracious majefty to call for my help ORIGINAL LETTERS. 25 help and afliftance at the Quorum, I ordi- narily dine on flender pottage — you know it, Davy. — It preferves me clear and com- prehenfible ; and, o'my confcience, you confume and devour leeks, and cheefe, and fat bacon, in lieu of your morning hymns and prayers, and rudl at the mouth and elfewhere, and belch, o'my confcience, as loud as any Caliver, to the great detriment of every thing feemly, and in defiance of good rule in foci'ety. You muft correct yourfelf, Davy — you muft. correct your- felf — It is a difficult point in rooting up ancient habits and cuftoms, but it would not be kindly and good to make you fud- denly great with all your ftains and blotches upon you. — No — 'tis meet we firft grub up and eradicate the weeds, Davy; — and then the foil, if indeed it be not too arid, will kindly receive the germen, the feed, Davy, of any thing good and palatable. Take my three-cornered beaver, in which I beheld his laft moil gracious Majefty crowned, and fee if you can begin to look a C a little 26 ORIGINAL LETTERS. a little creditable. Marry, are the Little Johns ploughed, and in proper and foft ftate for lowing?— See that it be done, Davy — 'tis more than time it were done. — Look to it, Davy. Blefs my heart and foul ! — 'twere fimply a fufficiency to flay any beafl of burthen. — A matter of fix fcore miles in half a fcore hours ! — Tis four leagues by the fixty mi. nutes ! — Meafure it by ten, Davy, and it amounts to a point. TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE THE *LORD SHALLOW. Davy to Ditto. I wish your good Worlhip many blef- fings. — Marry, I humbly thank your wor- ihip for the precepts, and will, with our holy Mary's help, comport mylelf as your * Davy, I fuppofe, anticipated the honours of his mailer. Worfhip ORIGINAL LETTERS. 27 Worfliip was wont, and fpeak as much as any he at the Quorum. *Clement Perkes, your Worftrip, was feen in the park yefternight, when the caftle was going twelve. —I humbly think he was knocking your Worlhip's deer in the head, and had him fecured and put in the flocks, for the terror of all attempters. He's a great knave, your Worfhip; and I humbly think, with your Worlhip's leave, of giv- ing him a good whipping. — I'm fure if he was not after the deer, he wanted to kill the old ram ; for h'as got, marry ever jince he's been in the flocks, h'as got, as your Worfliip was wont to fay, a (heep-biting face. What your Worfhip fays of the weeds is very juft. — I humbly thank your Worfhip for the beaver. — I humbly fuppofe, your Worfhip, it was fellow-mate to the fun. * Davy could never away with this Clement Perkes. Vide Henry the IVth.— ift Scene of the Jth Acl. C 2 coloured 28 ORIGINAL LETTERS. coloured doublet your Worfhip was wont to look fo well in at the Quorum; tho'f it fits more rinkled upon your Worfhip now than it did formerly; your Worship's belly grows thinner and genteeler. — Your Worfhip would not think how it fits upon me — its clofe as any mail. I've clean left off rudting, your Worfhip. That Clement Perkes has fpoken flat burglary of your Worfhip. — A' fays I'm a dog. — Your Worfhip was wont to fay to a faucy malefactor, that his Majefty was in you, and you in his. Majefty — good. — And a'nt I in your Worfhip, and your Worfhip in me ? A' fays I'm a dog ! — I'll have him laid faft, till your Worfhip fhall come to give directions at the Quorum, whether he fhall be hang'd or tranfported. Would it pleafe your Worfhip to give di- rections about the ringers 1 — Ah ! your wor- fhip, they did fo do it! — they drank a whole hogfhead of your Worfhip's ale. — William Vifor has been of the peal two and thirty years ORIGINAL LETTERS. 29 years come Lammas, and I humbly be- feech your . Worfliip he may have a crown above the reft. The headland fences are all down, and the hens are very bufy at getting your Wor- ship's crop in. — Fourteen acre of feedland's a great matter; but your Worfhip's pullets will thrive againfl the large Knight fhall accompany your Worfliip to town. — A' loves capon. Did your Worfliip mark how a' took all the wings and thighs 'twixt his finger and thumb, and put 'em in his great belly, an they had been fo many plumbs 1 Marry, your Worfliip, Robin has fhot two deer for the pedigrees, as your Worfliip was pleafed to call 'em. — Mailer Pelt has got the fkins — Marry, will your Worfliip fay, whether they are to be tanned like your Worfhip's buckler, or how ? — I humbly wait your Worfhip's directions in this point. C 3 ANTIENT 30 ORIGINAL LETTERS. ANTIENT PISTOL TO SIR JOHN. Dated, it feems, from Windfor. Sir Knight, lament — be triftful — rue — for Bawcockhood is dead, extincT: — the maw of Majefty hath it engulph'd King- hood's a thing of nought, a 'fcutcheon damn'd, of blazonry moil bafe. — I hold it to my lip, and from my portly lungs call up Sir ^Eolus to bid the Lazar fcoul. The King his memories hath grafped by the heel, and dipp'd in Lethe Or he is mad be- come ; the Cur hath bit him — he doth the thing efchew, that fenfes moil did love. Thy letter, Knight, in fpite of yeomen and bafe hounds of Hefperus, which did him circumvent, I did deliver to the quon- dam Hal. " The man of mickle fpan " unto his lovely bully" — Thus Antient Piftol whereon the Fry of Majefty, Herodian worms and infects damn'd alfo, which Lucifer doth hatch upon his morn- ing ORIGINAL LETTERS. 3 1 ing crown, did mow and chatter like to apes of Ind'. Shall PiRol flioulder'd be, and (hall he recreant flee before the elbow of bale fycophant, and fliall good phrafe be baflardis'd ? I will revenges have, by Rowen' and her Chalice 1 will aroufe and woo the Fates, the fillers three — Concubinage is good — and they mail brooding on my pil- low lay in confult deep, how flint and fteel- a fpark may ftrike to blow up pan- dourfhip mod bafe My heart's a heart of flint My forefoot eke's mod fubtil Why then let fellowship enfue, let heart and hand combine, and let the web be fpun Ulyfles baffle all ! Sir John, thy Piftol and thy Legate hath been greeted foul Not Bardolph, filch- ing Wight, that pluck'd the ftar to deck his nofe, when blanketed unto the Welkin's height for chewing Baker's Roll, where Baker's Roll mould not be chewn Not Nym, whofe humour was in pillory to Hand ycover'd o'er with gold moft potable for Yonker's filver whiflle ftol'n, — did feel C 4 reaction's 32 ORIGINAL LETTERS, reaction's force like Piftol. Shall goodly phrafe be yclept uncouth, and fhall it ban- died be like bafe ^Eolian bladder? Why then come Rowen's Chalice though bitter be the draught, I will avenge or die. Thine Antient Pistol. FALSTAFF TO ANTIENT PISTOL. My good Antient, I do condole with thee. — The King hath no more refpect unto an embaffy, than the fox hath unto the fex of the goofe. 1 am in myfelf greater than a Prince, yea, in my perfonal right ; and he doth make me out of myfelf lefs than a peafant, marry, to my perfonal wrong. There be more Deys in the court, than there be feconds in the day 1 mould have difplayed my prefents, and then would'ft thou have had prefent audience. — That Hal is become a very Ottoman — but be no thou difcomfited We muft rally, we mufl ORIGINAL LETTERS. 33 mud rally, lads We have been twice trodden down in open attack, and now to the fap-work. The King doth love venifon — We will to Mailer Shallow's in Gloucefterfhire — he hath a deep Deer-feld — 'tis a county of a clamorous rut We did borrow his monies by day ; but we muft make bold with his bucks by night They have horns, good mine Antient, they have horns 'tis dangerous to meddle with Cuckoldom by day. I grieve thou wert fo forely dealt with at the Court 1 have falves for a bruife, an thou doft need them — falves, which I did ap- ply to mine own difcolourments. Thou kn'oweft I was trodden down like fugars for an export yea, I was made a conve- nience- 1 was fhap'd into a Promon- tory, which fpeclators of a fubaltem height did flock to for a fight of paffmg Majefty — they did afcend and courfe o'er my belly like pifmires, ants on a mole-hill, fave that the compreflion was greater. But 'twas C 5 ever 34 ORIGINAL LETTERS. ever the nature of Man to trample on fallen greatnefs — 'tis no marvel. Let Nym be advifed of our expedition" — Corporal Bardolph and myfelf will fpeedily quit Eaftcheap, and rendezvous on the out- skirts of Windfor — We will line our fliam- bles with venifon, and then, my lads, to Windfor again Hal fhall yet be our own. John Falstafp. CORPORAL NYM TO SIR JOHN. I will no more with Piftol rob — I do revolt My fifl is Struck, and that's the humour on't his phrafes are known on the, road. Venifon hath mickle fweets — and fweets are lufcious things, and lufcious things do fit the maw of Nym; but thieves do hang, and their accomplices ; and Nym would ORIGINAL LETTERS. 35 would hang alone Doth the humour pafsl The Antient is abftrufe — he robs not at a word Travellers ken not his phrale, and parley is not good on the road ; and that's the humour on't. 1 do revolt, but mutiny is quell'd with grants ; let Piftol utter couthly, and then come fellowfhip again When fpeech will not bewray, then Gloucefterftrire's the word But pauca, Nym's a man of few Sir John, I touch my brow — my fift is flat. Nym. FALSTAFF TO ANTIENT PISTOL. What at fpurs, good mine Antient 1 and an adventure afoot too ! By my troth, I'll no cock-fighting — Pullets, pullets, are your only encounter. We that do aflail are can- nibals, indeed ; but Miftrefs Partlet is fre- quent in her travail, and fo fociety fhall not lack fperm. C 6 I pr'y $6 ORIGINAL LETTERS. I pr'ythee let Corporal Nym have his humour : thou art a fhrewd linguift thou haft, ever a throng of goodly quips and conceits ; yea, more at thy tongue's beck, than he that doth refine from his brain with the help of the Still, Time : but they are crude, they are crude, mine Antient — they do lack droffing — they are like to an un- wrought commodity, which the handicraftf- man cannot utter, until it is fhap'd to the purpofes of the confumer. Here is Bardolph doth proteft, 'twas thou who did'ft flight him from foot to foot throughout the croud at the Inflallation : thou had'ft, robbed with him in the purlieus of the town, and the knaves did recognife thy quaintnefs of phrafe ; thy Shibboleth, Antient, thy Shibboleth. Oh ! 'tis mod damn'd to be mark'd like a tupp'd ewe. A flendernefs of heel was indeed friendly to thy own retreat; but the CorporaL Hea- ven protect his parts ! was compell'd to borrow expedition, marry, without pledge, and ORIGINAL LETTERS. 37 and retire into himfelf like a hedgehog, that fo he might travel with the better eafe on the toes of the town — Ha ! ha ! ha ! O'my confcience, I marvel he blaz'd not like the Phcenix — he had fire and faggot on his fide — his nofe for a kindle, and his carcafe for a fuel ; and both in clofe league. I entreat thee, mine Antient, to lay afide, yea, altogether reform thefe fierce fallies of thy tongue, and rob as a Gentle- man fhould do; by the mafs, thou wilt hang us all thou wilt do it, mine An- tient, thou wilt do it. Remembereft thou not, how the lunatick Bifhop did rate me to the Prince ? An he had ever taken my good name in vain, but for thy incontinent flow of gall, then am I the groiTeft thief afoot. — Marry, I am not the moft fpare, for in- deed I do empty me all puries, yea be their bottoms as deep as Hell ; but I do mean in my perfon, my reins, where there is lefs fpecifick fat than is requifite to the peopling of a dozen wicks Sack, fpirit of burnt fack, 38 ORIGINAL LETTERS. fack, doth make the belly gafconade and fwell. I did purpofe being at the rendezvous ere now; but I muft. tarry here a feafon longer; do not thou and Nym break out again — I pr'ythee yield to him, mine Antient — It were a foul thing we mould fledge, and upon 'peachment too ! Farewell ! ANTIENT PISTOL TO SIR JOHN. Shall paucity of phrafe and impotence alfo, Curb Manhood with the rein ? And lhall it chew the bit 1 Shall Mutes and Afian dogs controul the tongue ; And fhall not Man fpeak free i Why then Avernus roar ! Then ORIGINAL LETTERS. 39 Then Rhadamanth' his yawning floodgates ope, And *Rowen' brim her Chalice I Why then let icy death ftize all, Yea, upward from the foot unto the lungs, And then the heart, perdy ! The Nym's a pauper vile — I do retort — he hath not utterance to woo his dog to bite at badger — I do retort — his reft is eadem, the femper eadem — he cannot cull — his fenfes are mod barren Ah ! beeve- mouth'd bleating Nym ! Ah ! bull-calf old \ I have and I will hold the prifline tones of Man The Nym doth iterate doth bay the echo with his " humour on't." —And mall he model be? Then Piftol, bow thy knee no more to Dagon — Sir John, * The Editor molt refpectfully appeals to Mr. Malone for the fenfe of this word fo frequently in the Antient's mouth — Having in vain ranfacked Chaucer, Ben Jonfon, Beaumont and Fletcher, Middleton and Rowley, &c. &c. &c. he is at length compelled to print it literatim from the MS. for the comments of more learned men than himfelf. thy 40 ORIGINAL LETTERS. thy Philiftine doth flee — Avaunt the flux of fellowship, a.nd/o/us be the word ! DEPOSITION TAKEN BEFORE MASTER RO- BERT SHALLOW, AND MASTER SLEN- DER, AT WINDSOR. SHALLOW. Now, good man, what is your bufinefs ? what is the matter that you would defire to difclofe ? — Marry, I am of the Commif- fion in the county of Gloucester; but if you have any thing to depofe, that is falu- tary, and benefieial, and for the welfare and good of his moil gracious Majefty, I care not : — Robert Shallow, Efquire, will take cognizance of it, though in the county of Berks. Fellow. May it pleafe your Worfhip, I'fe a goatherd ; and l'fe a great matter to break. Marry, your Worfhip, marry, when his Majefty's life's in danger from a Caitiff- ORIGINAL LETTERS. 4 1 Caitiff-monfter, an't it the duty of every .honeft fubjecl to Hand up and defend ? An't that law? I would know that of your Worfhip. Shallow. Tis among the Statutes. — 'Tis the duty of every tall fellow, or he's liable to be 'peach'd upon the act as an abettor. — Proceed, good man — 'tis juft, very jufl — marry, proceed. Truft me, a com- prehenfive fellow, Coufin Abram.— Marry, proceed. Fellow. Being on the return yeflernoon to dinner — 'twas juft about twelve o'clock, for us poor folk, your Worfhip, are hun- gry before your great-oneyers — as I was coming home, I fay, to dinner, for tho' I am but a fimple lodger, mine holt Thacker pays Scot and Lot like a good fubje6l. — Does your Worfhip know him ? A' fells trotters and Jews'-harps, oppofite Gil. Sneke, the weaver's — Slender. 42 ORIGINAL LETTERS. Slender. 'Tis a fmall fliot from Ann Page's, Coufm Shallow — Is't not, good youth ? Fellow, No, your Worfliip — It's hard upon where Shallow. Aye, 'tis no matter, 'tis no matter. — Marry, go on — briefly, good man. Fellew. As I was faying, walking mainly on, thinking, God wot, what a mite a groat and a half a day is for feven fouls ! — For there's my wife Nel, and Martin, and Nich, and Jerome, and Dorcas, and Ruth — it's a wounded many teeth, and a teafter- worth o' corn will hardly fet them all grind- ing; and your Worfhip knows, that quinces are very windy and griping to the belly — Body o'me, I thought our Jerome would ha' been fcoured Shallow. Stand away further, fellow. — By the mafs, a foul varlet. — You fmell, fellow — get ye gone. Fellow. ORIGINAL LETTERS. 43 Slender. Truly, Coufin Shallow. O'my confcience, 'tis the ar- rantefl Foil ! get ye gone, knave ; get ye gone Slender. Truly Coufin, our Gloucef- terfhire quince doth not reek thus — Indeed, la, you do him wrong. Have you no pippins for your children, good youth ? My Coufin could never away with a quince. — Your county hath good pears, too. Fellow. I han't a fingle one, your Wor- fliip ; not an atomy of any thing, only one quince-tree, as lonefomely as any yew. — As I was faying, our Jerome Shallow. Tell me not of your Jeromes and your Chryfoftoms — be not fo windy — be brief — Marry, to the point Fellow. I humbly befeech your Wor- fhip's pardon. As I was faying, walk- ing mainly on— 'twas juft in the nick, where our 44 ORIGINAL LETTERS. our Dorcas goes to bleach in Datchet. — Does your Worfliip know the place? — What does I hear, but a great roaring an it had been any large bull a neighing; not a horfe, your Worfliip — and the river bulg'd up and fwell'd like any 1 humbly befeech your Worfliip that our Nel have a pen- non i Shallow. Penfion ! Why a pennon, marry ? 'Ods liggens ! Know you what you aflc, knave? Marry, why a penfion? Fellow. Truly, your Worfliip, 'twould be very hard that my family fliould live upon all quinces for a difeafe of mine caught in the King's affairs— Truly, your Worfliip, 'twould be very hard ; for the water roll'd and wetted me, and I trembled, and trem- bled—' — I'm fure, an' pleafe your Worfliip, I've an ague. Shallow. O' my confcience, Coufin Abram, but the man is a lunatick, or a mountebank, or fomething as bad O' my ORIGINAL LETTERS. 45 my confcience, I believe a mountebank ; for indeed he moves from place to place, and varies his points very knaviftily. Look you, friend — there is only one alter- native fhall ferve; marry, chufe; and do it deliberately, and difcreetly, and foberly — Either depofe in a refpeclful manner, marry, without idle prabble about penfions, and quinces, and bulls ; either utter with a pro- per and decent carriage and demeanour, or elfe walk fedately out into the court-yard, and pull off your doublet, and your (hirt, and your coat. — An a fhrewd flogging don't bring him about Fellow. Oh! good your Worfhip, I've almoft done When the water fwell'd, and fwell'd, I perceived about a hundred paces a-head, a large creature rife up, mainly big, your Worfhip, about the belly, and it came flowly to the bank, an if it would land ; and jufl then it roll'd over, and over, and over, of all the world like a huge tub, and then it fo beat about and roar'd 46 ORIGINAL LETTERS. roar'd in the throttle ! — An your Worfhip will give me leave, I'll try to Shallow. Marry, go on — proceed cir- cumftantially — go on — what faw you more 1 — Depofe briefly. Fellow. When a' had floundered, and flounc'd about fome five minutes under water, a' got on the land, and flood on it's legs, and drew a great dagger and lifted in the air, and fo fhook it's weapon at the Callle, and roar'd! Good, your Worfhip, I'm certain it hath a foul defign againft the King's life — that I'll be fworn of upon the book. Slender. I protefl, Coufin, the Shallow, In the name of his Majefty's facred perfon, I command and bind you to anfwer all interrogatories afore the Coun- cil. — Here is a great ,confpiracy come to light. Slender. ORIGINAL LETTERS. 47 Slender. Truly, Coufin, I Shallow. Marry, it had the gait of a war- rior — I would mean, it fhewed a tall per- fonable figure, did it not? Betook it to the water again? And for it's complex- ion — marry, you obferv'd it's counte- nance ? Fellow. An your Worfhip means the hue of it's fkin, truly it had a doublet and hofe on :— but the face was all the world of a colour with the bubucle at the left of your Worfhip's nofe. Slender. By yea and no, Coz Shallow. Tis the Welchman *Glen- dower, by my hopes of falvation through the * Shrewdly conceived, and profoundly, by Mafter Robert Shallow. For a man, of whom Holingfhed and other writers relate fuch wonders, to travel a fcore or two leagues Fifh-fafhion, were the moft eafy and confiftent thing in the world. Take water at Radnor, 48 ORIGINAL LETTERS. the pious and holy Virgin Mar}' ! — The Privy Council mufl know it. — Here is a great Confpiracy — I'll to the Council. Fellow. Marry, your WorQiip, fure a' was not a Salamander! — The water fmoak'd and fmoak'd, that, body o'me ! you might ha' poach'd an egg ! Shallow. 'Tis Owen the Welchman, a very doughty Rebel — Fellow, be in readi- nefs — You mufl. depofe at the Council — By the Mafs, a great Traitor. — Be at hand. Fellow. I humbly befeech your Wor- fhip, that our Nel Shallow. Aye, aye — be in readinefs — She fhall be look'd to. Radnor, pafs Brecknock and Monmouthfhires, land and cut acrofs the country ; wet his fins again at Ci- rencefter, by Oxford, Wallingford, &c. &c. bait at Marlow, and thus to Datchet. ANTIENT ORIGINAL LETTERS. 49 ANTIENT PISTOL AND CORPORAL NYM TO SIR JOHN. Pistol, lament — Sir Nym, the Willow be, And hang o'er Datchet's fide ; For chivalry is in, and unto Charon damn'd Muft, crouching, tender coin. Piftol hath wrongs; but Piftol eke hath pouch. Sir Nym hath humours borne; but Nym will pocket too. Why then cafl. Rancour forth, yea into utter night, And let it gnafli the tooth. Sir John, arife thy knighthood is de- fam'd At thee the Shallow afe and Slender foal do bray. Thou art the mark of Archery become To Council wags Oh ! damned Glou- cefter beafts, That will not wince, when hinds do ride and fpur ! D We SO ORIGINAL LETTERS. We do inclofe what goatherd hath depos'd. The quip's afoot, and quips do amble fall. Arife, Sir Knight, or Paeans will enfue; Yea, from the mouth of ballad-teeming harridans. Piftol* hath wrongs; but he doth caution thee, The River and the Ford alfo to flee. Nym will have right ere he doth fay, avoid — But Scylla's deep, and that's the humour on't. Antient Pistol. Corporal Nym. MRS. FORD TO SIR JOHN FALSTAFF. Ah ! dear Sir John ! I tremble to think what you have fufFered. — Tell me, has the * It fliould be obferved, that Sir John had dif- carded Nym and Piftol for refuting to become his emiffaries in the defign on Ford's wife. — See Merry Wives of Windfor, Adl I. Scene 3. wittolly ORIGINAL LETTERS. 5 1 wittolly wretch difcoloured your poor fto- mach? But, alas ! I'm too certain of it — I felt it all, every blow; — no wonder he put you into fuch a territ and fright — Mercy on me, how fhrewdly he handled his weapon ! Well, I [always will fay the ftars were of a moufe-colour when you were born. — Think, if you had been let into the Thames diredtly upon this exercife Indeed, la', I won't call it beating — all melting with heat — for, indeed, Sir John, I never be- held you run fo nimbly — bruis'd, and frighted, as you were! Mercy on me, 'twould have been your death, quite a fur- feit ! Yes ; your ftars are certainly of a moufe-colour; — they are neither black nor white Ah ! dear Sir John ! you little know the ■ but let the end fpeak. — Well ; to think of the tears that your mifchances have coll me ! Heigho ! D 2 Befhrew 52 ORIGINAL LETTERS. Beftirew my weak head, but I dreamt all laft night of horns. Oh ! I beheld a great calf fattened to a flake, and he was baited, of all things in the world, by fuch a fweet portly boar-pig, fo plump and fo fweet ! And he was fo gored and toffed as often as ever he came into the ring, (indeed, Sir John, it's ominous— you shan't enter my houfe again) that it quite funk my heart within me. — La', and it was fo whimfical ! for in capered a pretty youngifli Gentle- man, and he danced and played upon his Kit round and round the Calf, till he flood quite dumfound; and prefently there (hot out of his head large Horns, and foon they grew larger, and larger, and larger, and fpread, and fpread, till they looked of all the world like Heme's Oak; and we all danced about him fo merry, that it was quite whimfical. — La', Sir John, you fhall meet me at the Oak, and well have a reve- there, and I'll directly fend Dr. Caius to cure your poor bruifes — I will be humoured in this — a poor weak woman, that hazards her reputation for your fake, and not to be pleafed in ORIGINAL LETTERS. 53 in fuch a trifle 1 Indeed, now, I will not be refufed. — Dr. Caius fhall immediately come to cure your knocks and bruifes, and then it will be fo pure to dance at midnight round the Oak ! La' now, indeed, it will. In this I reft, Your loving, Alice Ford. SIR JOHN FALSTAFF TO MRS. FORD. I'll caper I'll dance with thee, — Any thing, any thing, my Queen of Sheba, but no Doctor Caius. — Indeed my hurts are not of that extent — No — I have a furgeon of my own employ too — No, I'll not fee him. Can I live to hear it bandied from mouth to mouth, that the Knight FahTaff, he who hath nightly taken his repofe under the ach of more foldier like bruifes than the fpirit of the holy Stephen fled upon, that he hath foregone his days of hardihood, and commenced Glyfter D 3 in 54 ORIGINAL LETTERS; in the hands of a dole-dealing Efculapian — Name it not : rather hang me by the gills- en Miftrefs Keeeh's ftilliards, and mete me out by halfp'worths to the parilh poor. No; I'll no Caius. What, I'm to meet thee at Heme's Oak 1 Well, I'll be a Nimrod — I'll perfbnate any thing to encounter my fair Camilla; any thing, lave an Eunuch and a Wode-woman. — I wouldj Miftrefs Ford, I might have dealt him a fillip on the crown. — I have one bruife larger than a porter's fhoulder-knot — 'tis on my cheek, I cannot fit, ny nether cheek; for, indeed,. I lack'd the habiliments of a woman — I was fparely coated. But I had determined to forget this — Yea, I'll forget it — 'tis laudable in Man to be paf- five. Shall I order my horfes? 'Twere beft be fleet, mould the knave find us again. — There is a pond at hand, and I would be loth to reign over a fubaltem province : no — an I am born to be deified, an I mull needs be a God of the Waters, let me be immerfed on ORIGINAL LETTERS. 55 on the point of a Whaler's Harpoon — Give me to prefide in Greenland, my natal foil.— Ha! ha! ha! Thou feeft, Miftrefs Ford, I am incon- tinently given to merriment, in defpite of the fiery ordeals my flefh and blood have undergone. — But I love thee, I love thee, and there is much endurance in affection. Let me have advice of thy appointments with Heme 1 will attend thee with the precifion of the dial, the dial of the night, which is Miftrefs Luna, the moon, unto his Oak' And there we'll wanton caper on the plain, And weave for Heme a horn to wind again. Farewell, fair Miflrefs Ford ; — and re- member, I'll no Leech Caius applied to me*. * Dr. Cains had been prefent at the beating ot Falftaff when difguifed as the Maid's Aunt of Brent- ford. — This accounts for his Sequent cautions to Mrs. Ford.— —He dreads a difcovery. D 4 FALSTAFF 5<5 ORIGINAL LETTERS. FALSTAFF TO BROOK. Could a gentleman forefee the many croffes, the many mifhaps, that await him that Amply treadeth within the fphere of a woman's' habitation^ (I fpeak not of grofs corporeal touch)' he would ufe after-luftra- tion, as liberally as the pallid wretch, who had efcaped him from the ravages of a pef- tilential Calenture. — There is a. noifome ranknef*, to me more hateful than the *Cleymes of unflacken lime r that imper- ceptibly fteals upon the whole man, who holds but even converfe with a woman. If the Box of Pandora was other than a com- bination of villainous qualities in one damn'd houfewife, then am I a very box to contain the freedom of every man's re- proach in. * Cleymes were artificial fores raised by the ap- plication of unflacked lime on the legs of paupers, &c. for the purpofe of exciting companion in paf- fengers. I in- ORIGINAL LETTERS. 57 I informed thee, Matter Brook, of my fkilful advances, of my feeming fuccefles. — I likewife unfolded to thee of my mifhaps, of the depth of the Datchet, and other localities. — I blended them, Matter Brook, in order to preferve an equilibrium ; left the Avoirdupois of my fuccefles might appear without drofs, and fo thou be led to build on an uncertain tenure. — I told thee too, how I became proxy for one Miftrefs Pratt, and in her behoof was compelled to gather up nimbly my chitterlings, my reins, and efcape from the difcipline of the knave Ford. — Prepend further — my molten frame being a little confolidated, a moft foothing letter, tender withal, full of condolences, comes from Miftrefs Ford. — She aflureth me, fhe felt every blow I received. Mafter Brook, believe her not — the force of fympathy is faint, to the force centered in Ford's hand. — She lies in her throat. — The knave laid me out in fuch natural colours, I have every fhade pertaining to the Herald's art in my body. — I cannot extract, or I mould make money.— To D s love 58 original letters; love compulfatorily is not in the nature- of Man. — I can be beat into a mummy, but not Into love ; but I'll woo. for thee : — Expect her, Mailer Brook, expedl her ftilL — I fhall meet her at Heme's Oak — Call upon, me, bring money — thou flialt hear more.. John Falstaff. FALSTAFF TO BROOK.. Master Brook, there is a point, which* I did in fome fort forget to touch upon — I will tell you ; but, indeed, Mafter Brook, 'tis a fubtle point, and I muft. handle it diC- creetly — for tho' it is not the Needle's point, Mafter Brook, yet may it goad ; yea, and hath variations, and doth lay in a fmall com- pafs. I will tell you, Mafter Brook, and briefly, but you muft be fecret — I muft play the light ORIGINAL LETTERS. 59 light heel, flit to and fro like a fliadow, to fwift nimble tunes — Miftrefs Ford will have it fo — I mud dance, caper in the air like a tun of Molafs'j only my afcenfion will be heavier, in regard I muft. rife with- out a crane, Mailer Brook. — I did never practife the art as a Yonker, and now muft. I take to it as an old Man : — but 'tis for your fake, 'tis for your fake, Mafter Brook. — For mine own part, I had as lief fwell out a Weaver's doublet, and compafs my belly from the navel round with a dozen wifps of hemp, and manufacture, twift rope by the length. — I am not faftiioned for the end of a *pipe — I had as lief, for mine own part, bind myfelf to the common hangman, Mafter Brook, and fupply the gibbet with ropes, yea, at a foul ftiirt per felon, Mafter Brook ; for I am not fond of liquoring the ground — I was never a dancer, Mafter Brook — it is not my art^-my loles do. fome- how cleave to, the ground — I could never * Does Sir John mean as a pea, blown by the breath of fchool-boy ? D & weigh 6o ORIGINAL LETTERS". weigh them up twain at a caper, fave wherr I did perfonate Miftrefs Pratt ; for as a' witch, Mailer Brook, I can vault like a roebuck — but then I mail ftep out of my- felf.- — I do remember, the Welch Prieft did protefl 'twas bread and cheefe to him — he might have added butter, Matter Brook — I lacked but Miftrefs Paget's churn to be fhaped into pounds.— ^But I do err from my fubjedt. — In 1 few, Mafter Brook, Ford's wife will have me dance at the Oak, and you mull commend me to a minftrel-found- er — the flitting knave mud tutor me, that fo I appear not a ftranger to the art — I mull be converfant — for women, Mailer Brook, are won by the throng of good parts — the fimple difplay of countenance hath no more purchafe, than is in the Ihell of a boil'd Lobller — I do know it, I do know it r Mafter Brook. — I mull write unto town for apparel ; for the Thames hath fomehow am antipathy to a good fuit— I do fmack of the Haddock. Do thou on thy part allow not the furlough to a moment ; but hafte, Mafter Brook. John Falstaff. mistress ORIGINAL LETTERS. 6l MISTRESS QUICKLY TO SIR JOHN" FALSTAFF. Mercy on me ! Fall t I tell you what, Sir John — Dorothy mud fall with it — I muft have her warn'd to quit, and you mud take to her, Sir John, and put fome fliifts to her back, you muft. — An honeft trifling gain of five-pence odd in the quart, and to be fnatch'd from a poor Widow, as one might fay, without an atomy of reafon ! Sir John, you muft. take to her — you muft. fpend upon her body — a fine fliewy crea- ture, goodfooth, with filk gowns and kir- tles for the first Lady in the land, and not a modeft change next her fkin ! Fie, Sir John ! you ought to fit her, Sir John. — You know her nakednefs — I have bought for her, and bought for her, and fhe hath pawn'd, and pawn'd, that 'tis quite a fliame to think on — and I'm fure the gains of a poor hoftefs in drinkings won't pay for it Sir John, I'll tell you what, Sir John — Here's been a great to do in my houfe, and all 6* ORIGINAL LETTERS. all about you, Sir John — I Jhall be ruin'd and fradled — I muft break — My Customers tell me you are gone, and I muft charge, fack a matter cheaper, and there's no fear- city now you are away. — Here's Mafter Martlet, that you call'd the Eves-dropper, 'caufe, goodfooth, he had a bird's name — 'twas no longer ago than yefterday, — fays he, Good wife Quickly, — Goodvrife, Sir John — for he always names me fo, altho' he knew my poor hulband that's dead ; and I tell him fo, and then he fays, I am your *Le- mon — and, indeed, Sir John, it's true enough ; for you have fqueez'd me, and fqueez'd me, till I have not a bit of four left — yea, I am too humourfome to you, and you know it. — Well, as I was faying, there was Mafter Martlet — fays he, Good- wife Quickly, who breeds, who lays your eggs? Alice Plenefperm, quoth I, and I take twelve dozen of a week when good Sir John's here, and fix dozen when he * Lcmman, or Miftrefs, I rather fuppofe to have been Mailer Martlet's meaning. 'journs. ORIGINAL LETTERS. 6$ 'journs. Then, fays he, you muft take half the price of fack away too, for the Knight's not here now to make a fcarce — And with that, they all in a throng pertefted I muft 'bate and come down, or my houfe would not hold it's own — And, indeed, Sir John, it's grown quite a defert — only there are no beafts to be fure. — You are far away, and Bardolph, and Piftol, and there's no fport toward, as there was wont to be, and I'm oblig'd to lower to keep open houfe. I befeech you, good Sir John, fweet Sir John, to come back quick, that I may bring the liquors to a good creditable head again, and not let them dwindle, and dwin- dle, that every flea-bitten rafcal may perfume his blood like a gentleman, forfooth ! I pray you now, Sir John, and don't let 'em ride an honeft body — Here's Dorothy and myfelf — we have both been rode, Sir John, that it were a fhame to mention how, fince you have been at Windfor — And don't let the Boar fall away, Sir John. — There's Matter 64 ORIGINAL LETTERS. Mailer Rahab, that loved Dol, thereby bringing you into Canaries, and Neighbour Dumb our minuter, that ufed to come dif- guifed in the green doublet, and Mr. 'To- lemy the Harlotry Player, they have all forfook Eaftcheap, and gone into the fu- burbs, that we are quite, as one might fay, no better than lone Penitents, and people of no character. Dol fends her fervice, and holds her own marvelloufly 1 befeech you, good Sir John, to delay no longer than need. MISTRESS QUICKLY TO SIR JOHN FALSTAFF. A whole fuit in fattin I Twelve and twelve's twenty-four — that's feven pound four — and fix is thirty Sir John, I won't do it — You think I'm fpun of fattin ; yea, a worm, goodfooth! But you mail fee, Sir John, that I won't be trod on, as I have been— I wont credit it, Sir John— You had ORIGINAL LETTERS. 6$ had a whole top-to-bottom fuit at my charge no longer ago than two days before you 'journed — 'twas the fame day that you had fuch a kind letter from the King — and you can't have worn them a pin's point. You want to give it to women, Sir John, and I won't countenance fuch vilenefs. Here's one Miftrefs Urfula calls here about you, and you ought to be 'ftiam'd to leave Dol in the manner you have. I have tended you myfelf late and early, and wafli'd your flem before and behind, and help'd you to bed — Yes, Sir John, when you could not help yourfelf, that you'd have died of being fenfes- lefs and dead of liquor I've put fait on your belly o'nights, or you'd have burft — pounds and pounds of fait, when you were fwell'd, that I never got the tythe of a dram for ; that nobody, not my own fervants, would touch, Sir John. 'Twas but at Allhallowmas that I lent you money, thirteen pound odd that you won at Primero and was not paid You promis'd I ihould have it on the mor- row j but you did not fay what morrow, and I wonder how you mould, goodfooth, when 66 ORIGINAL LETTERS. when my own fervants know you never won a groat of it. Come and difcharge a poor Hoftefs's dues, Sir John, like an honeft man, do — and don't give kirtles away and never pay for them. Here's Mr. Dombledon had well nigh got Dol's body for a kirtle you gave -her with your own hands — I can wit- nefs it, and the poor young creature has been compell'd to part with her ear-rings and bracelets to prevent an arreft. It's a fhame, Sir John, and you need not fend any more for fattin to me, Sir John, for I won't part with another yard's-worth to you again, while my name's Quickly; and fo you may get it where you can, Sir John. SIR ORIGINAL LETTERS. 6j SIR JOHN FALSTAFF TO MISTRESS URSULA. No, no, no — thou art mifadvifed — thou doft fuffef Baker's wives, and barren Gof- fips, who do conceive upon the novelties of a ftale world, get the rule over thee. — The King doth counfel with me in the chewing of a Spanifh Nut — He knoweth not the height of fix foot himfelf — I do prick his very yeomen for him — Even now hath there been with me a ^certain Welch Prieft in thefe parts, who would have ac- cefs unto the Court — Why he doth prefent me with a filver toafter, as a bribe, a pro- logue to his induction — Take it — I do give it thee— Tis nothing in refpect of what thou fhalt pofiefs. Thou art one of the firfl Ladies in the land, an thou wert but fenfible of it. If 'twere as thou fay'ft, that the King doth neglect me, and like the wicked Rehoboam hath taken unto young Counfel- 68 ORIGINAL LETTERS. Counfellors, why fhould I tarry at Wind- for? Let that fuffice thee. Thirty yards of Fuftian ! I may not hear of it. Shall it.be faid, that Sir John Falftaff doth take his feat among the No- bles of the land in the veil of an unbe- lieving Rabbi? It may not be. — Why, I muft do the King honour. — Sattin, fattin, is your only Courtier's wear. Come, come — 'tis only a pretty provoking humour thou haft of giving the luftre to thy favours. — Let it be four and twenty yards then — Keep the remnant for new ruffs, and adorn thee for thy advancement. Why, there it is now — I have fimply more dudlility than the nimblefl quickfilver, and lefs oppofition than a drove goofe — I am tractable to any- thing, and thou feeft it — any thing, that may add to the excellent favour of thy countenance — I have not controul of mine own will — thou haft ufed fpells with me — but thou know'ft this, thou know'ft this — I have told thee fo before. Let ORIGINAL LETTERS. 6$ Let it be a quarter* yard wider than I did at firft fpeak of. — Let me have it fpeedily, for I may not appear at Court — and indite direct letters unto me of thy defires — Chufe thy own dignity — look out for thyfelf— be prodigal, be prodigal — all is in my gift, Thou may'ft become the Goddefs Dian' an thou wilt, and lead the chace Thou wilt look well with a quiver — for I do mean to preferve the Rangerfliip. No more fcruples, but be quick in my affairs, and fo (halt thou be procurefs of thine own great* nefs. Adieu ! John Falstaff, * Sir John is determimed not to lofe by his boafted acquiefcence. MASTER 70 ORIGINAL LETTERS. MASTER SLENDER TO ANN PAGE. Fair Miftrefs Ann, fweet Miftrefs Ann, Abraham Slender craveth leave and liberty to lalute thy white hand — He doth by thefe commend his worthlefihefs unto thy grace and favour. He would be thy flave, thy fervant, to the height and extremity of all vow'd fervice ; to wit, thy fuitor and thy wooer. Yet not fo much of his own free motion, indeed la', as becaufe his friends defire it of him — that is to fay, his friends will, that thus matters mould fland. There is the learned Dodlor Sir Hugh Evans, and the wife and Worfhipful Juftice Shallow, my good friend and relation, ftand by me in this matter. I will briefly recount what words were uttered in my hearing no longer ago than Thurfday was a fortnight — I do remember it was after a Chriftening, at which the aforefaid Welch Divine ad- miniftered the Rites, the Ceremonies, as are indeed appointed by the Church in fuch ORIGINAL LETTERS. 7 1 iuch cafes, as your fair felt cannot but know. It is to be found in the Rubric, and it followeth the Communion-fervice, and it is indeed a goodly ordinance, as is well known to you, fair Miflrefs Ann. As I was faying, I chanced to obferve upon the fober and decent demeanour, with which our learned Paftor went through the fer- vice ; as indeed the whole was notably well performed, faving that he had not the gift of the Englifh fpeech fo glib as one might defire (our Gloucefterfhire Divines have the beft. fmack of it of any I know). This did I remark, and the Goflips did fo titter and laugh, and whifper, that indeed, la', I was quite put to confufion; and then Miflrefs *Quickly tapped me on the cheek, and fought of me, fair Ann, if fhe fhould ftand Godmother to my firft child; and whifpered in my ear (loud enough, forfooth, for all the company to hear) that it was rumoured all over Windfor, that there was fpeedily to be a match between me and Mif- * This is not Mrs. Q. of Eaftcheap. trefs 72 ORIGINAL LETTERS. trefs Ann Page And I bowed, and Ham- mered, and rejoined, that it was a promife above my hopes — and then the Goflips fell to tittering and whifpering incontinently, that indeed la', I was quite abafli'd. Fair Miflrefs Ann, it is not the faftuon of Abram Slender to difparage any. There be fome among thy fuitors, that have very good gifts and graces. Imprimis, or firft of all, Mr. Fenton.— ?He hath a good leg and an indifferent bread, and is indeed a youth of good conditions — He danceth, fingeth fongs without book, and hath ftore of riddles and good nights, and is, in footh, a very dog at fence — but he hath feen wild days, Miflrefs Ann, and wild nights — he hath comforted with the loofe, the idle, and the gracelefs — he hath kept more waffels, and fpent more monies upon riotings and chamberings, I think on my confcience, than the mad merry fat knight himfelf. I will not fay much of myfelf— it is not my way — but the learned Sir Hugh, and the wife Juftice Shallow, who is alfo my coufm (by ORIGINAL LETTERS. 73 (by my mother's fide — me came of the Shallows of Gloucefterfhire, and fpelt her name with an e, Shallowe) thefe can vouch for me, that I am not given to drinkings, and expences-, and wafting my patrimony — Folks did ufe to commend me therefore. I was call'd in mine own country, " Staid " Abram," fometimes " Sober Abram ;" good commendations, as times go — good commendations, if rightly taken, fair Mif- trefs Ann. I fay again, I do not mean to difparage any — neither again will I run comparifons with the French Leach Caius — he is fufpedled, yea ihrewdly, fair Ann, of a plot — he is difafTecled — ftiun him — he is thought to be a fpy. — My Coufin Shal- low hath alfo an eye upon him — I do re- peat it, ihun him. For thy fervant, it is not meet that he found his own praifes — let his friends, who alfo put him upon this, anfwer for him. Thus much let me fay, that I fall not fhort of any of thy fuitors in rare gifts of body, mind, and fortune — I am a very dog at ftew'd E prunes ; 74 ORIGINAL LETTERS prunes* ; and I have eflates, and beeves, and a goodly manfion in Gloucefterfhire, when I come of age (nine months and odd days only, I do lack of coming to years of discretion) and I will fettle upon thee, and thy heirs lawfully begotten, five hundred mark a year, if the thing might be brought to bear — I would it might, fair Miflrefs Ann! for folks would think it fin and fhame, that the family of the Slenders mould perilh for lack of heirs. And I pray you, fair Ann, do not Men to the tales of the flanderous. Jacob Perkins hath taken unto him- felf the fhame and the fin of the illegitimate bafe-born offspring laid to my charge, and the youth and the maiden are fettled in a neighbouring Hamlet. I do fend with thefe my fervant Simple, an honefl knave, and of good wit. Farewell, fweet Ann ! * For an explanation of this phrafe, fee Note in the 3d Scene of the 3d Ac\ firft part of Henry the 4*4.— Johnfon's Edit, of Shakfpere. SIR ORIGINAL LETTERS. 75 SIR HUGH EVANS TO ANN PAGE. I do peg and pefeech you, and I do make requefts, moreover, and entreaties, look you, in the pehalf and pehoof of Mafler Apram Slender, in the goot town Windfor refident, that you would pe- flow your craces, and your fmiles, and your favours, upon the poor youth. — He is a youth of coot gifts and promifes, and it is the defire of your Father, and withal of the fage Juftice Shallow, that you would look with an eye of pity and compaflion upon him. — The cafe, look you, is a def- perate cafe — the poor youth's knaggin is primful of fancies, and melancholies, and defpondencies ; that it would make any Chriftian heart pleed to fee. — I do fear me his wits are going; his judgements and his memories, obferve, which we are apt to denominate and call his wits, or his facul- ties; — they are both approved words and phrafes. He was 'ont be a youth of coot E 2 parts, 7 6 ORIGINAL LETTERS. parts, and of creat learning ; and now hath he forgot his" moods, and his tenfes, and his Quse-Genus withal. He did never fail give the anfwers and the reponfes, which are fet down in the Church Catechifm, freely and with creat readinefs, and without pook, look you; and now hath he no judgement in thefe things. — O'my confcience, he hath clean forgot his outward and his fifible ligns and his craces, and is a fery Heathen in fuch matters, which is a fhame, and a fin, and a creat pity, moreover. The pig fat Knight put him down the other day, when he required of him who was the ftrongeft man 1 — " By'r Lady," quoth Apram, " I cannot tell." Thy memory is a- thing of nought, rejoined the Knight. — Tell me, who lay in Dalila's lap, and had his poll claw'd, and lo ! the enemy came . upon him, and fhaved him with a razor of Gath ? — and fo fell to mockings and vlout- ings; for he hath a foul uncodly tongue, and a fery Infidel wit, look you. Py the Mafs, he will not fpare Cot's pook when it doth come in his way. Coot Miftrefs ORIGINAL LETTERS. ?7 Miftrefs Ann, I do counfel and exhort you to afe the poor young man tenderly, or he may pe triven to defperations, and cholers' and lunacies— -you have your 'vifaments o'this matter — look to it — he is a well- conditioned youth, and a pold; and one, moreover, that hath Quarter-ftafPd with a Warrener, and hath look'd a Packfword in the face upon occafions, marry. As I can learn, he hath not proke the matter to you, that is to fay, verpally and py 'ord of mouth 5 but he hath written, he tells me ; and I hope in a Gentlemanly phrafe, and that he hath offered coot offers and conditions, look you — for he cometh of gentle plood. Coot Miftrefs Ann, give the youth lifts and encouragements, for he is packward and fhy in thefe matters, and tnay need it, look you. Indeed, the youth is a youth of coot parts, and creat motefty, and hath an indifferent fkill in the languages, and may come to pe of the Quorum, obferve ; for his creat crandfather and father, and his crandfather old Simon E 3 Slender, 78 ORIGINAL LETTERS. Slender, have peen all of the Quorum be- fore him ; and it is not meet nor fitting, look you, that there fhould fail a man out of the Houfe of the Slenders to judgement the land. Farewell, coot Miftrefs Ann ! H. Evans. ANCIENT PISTOL TO MASTER ABRAM SLENDER. Let Doves and Lambkins figh. — Muft Piftol verfes write? Down, princely choler, down ! — Shall Man of War turn pimp % Then ballad-monging thrive — Piftol will nought indite. — Turn verfe to profe for me — turn day to night And Chaos judge thy rhymes — for profody fhall rue, Falfe ORrGINAL LETTERS. 79 Falfe concords halt — pronoun and adverb limp — For parts of fpeedi are none, when none can fpeech impart. Be Slender therefore mute, for flender is his wit. The Fox fhall cater for the filly Goofe, And lordly Lion eke for bafe Jackall, E'er true love woo by proxy. Couragio, Lads! Mecaenas is the word — Poets their patrons have, and Verfes do enfue. — Why then let purfes gape, for Gratis is a Fool, And golden wires make mufic. Shall Pbcebus thread-bare go, the Mufes nine alfo, Thofe dainty Imps on top of high Par- naff e, Shall they undowried weep? Then Spin- fter be the word — Wedlock is nought — Piftol will fingle live. Piftol Piftoles doth love — like loveth like. Let purfe-ftrings crack — Nan Page is thine, fweet boy. E 4 She 80 ORIGINAL LETTERS. She doth thee fly, but Cretan is her wing — The wax doth melt, when Piftol is the Sun, And thou fhalt feal, go to — contented be therefore — — But let the labourer live, for he his wages earns. Piftol Piftoles doth lack, who lacketh nought of wit. Nan Page is thine, and Fenton he fhall flee; Yea, be exhaled, like damned dog of dunghill ; For Piftol he hath fpoke by Rowen' and her Chalice. Note. — Matter Slender appears to have been tam- pering with Piftol to write him fome love-verfes for Ann Page. How he could fufpecT: Mine Ancient of going to work without his accuftomed implements, his Aurum Durabile, &c. I can only attribute to his very flight acquaintance with the Ancient. COMBI- ORIGINAL LETTERS. 8 1 COMBINATION OF THE WINDSOR INN- KEBPERS. Sir Knight, thy Clarion Blow, Bully Rock 1 Blow, Robin Muns, Peter Pimple, and Arthur Swipes ! To him of the cum- brous Womb the Recheat ! Sir Knight, we greet thee. — Thy Fift of Chivalry, moft radiant Dad of Bacchus ! From Heme's Oak unto Datchet Mead do our lintels fwell to receive thee, moft puiffant Elve-queller 1 Are our Huibands pam- per'd, do Brows inflame and itch ? Arife, Sir Knight, arife and woo — Quick ! Trot ! Jog 1 — Into the bafket go, and dive into the deep — Defcend, Miftrefe Pratt, defcend, and to the Foreft fpeed with Heme the Hunter's Horns — Purge wittolly Hufband- hood of it's humours, and let Houfewifery appear moft chafte. Thou art the pu- mice-ftone of Philofophy in Windfor- quarry found : — our Dace and our Plaice, our Venifon, and our Samfon, our nether E 5 Socks, 82 ORIGINAL LETTERS. Socks, and our upper Shirts, our Wode- woman, and our Sack-mafter. We have n o Dragons, bully ; we have no riddle- mongers to gobble up our unexpounders, no dainty Monfter to breakfaft on our Vir- ginity, or thou fliould'ft. be our Harcles and our Champion too. Shall us lofe thee» Bully 1 Shall us lend thee Horfes 1 Thou art big, thou art fat, qonvex, rotund Thou wilt break their backs Spavins and navel-galls do flacken paces. Thou art rein-fwoln, pot-bellied — Difeafes are catching, Knight — fradled wind is foul — Candy is not good with Horfe flefli Do we utter well, Bully ? Speak we fcholarry 1 We are confederate, join'd, Men of Com- pact — Thou malt not flraddle our Nags — they bear not double, old Caftor and Pol- lux. To the Common go— -afcend, Sir Galilean ; mount, and to the City trot — We will ftrew the way — we will climb palms— Will it do, Bully? The Afs doth trample mod Prieftly — 'twill be pompous, Greekilh. We ORIGINAL LETTERS. 83 We the Caputs, and the Heads of the merry Order of Hoilhood in King Harry's Town Windfor refident, do proteft, that the Knight Falflaff (hall not have our, or any of our Horfes. — Doth he tender Coin for hire ? He hath mickle weight — he's a Mineral, a Foffil, a Mine of Lead — he will crufh, overwhelm. — Do we ken his Angels, will he purchafe ? We have bowels, we have bowels — Naghood's Tongue doth utter not — it is ty'd — We will not fell — we are leagu'd. Sign, leal, deliver — Quick, Neigh- bours ! Signed, Bully Rock. Robin Muns. Peter Pimple. Arthur Swipes. E d sir 84 ORIGINAL LETTERS. SIR JOHN TO ANTIENT PISTOL. Haste, ray good Antient, I would fee thee— Hafte to Miftrefs Quickly's— I have mifufed thee — I confefs it, I confefs it; but be thou the good Samaritan — I have need of oil to my wounds — J have been cozen'd, revil'd, and whipt — cozen'd by Woman, revil'd by Man, and whipt by Child. 1 have been antler'd, my good Antient, though not wedded. But I lie, I have been wedded too; — to a buck-baf- ket, to the hot fingers of fairy-elves, to the frail promifes of woman. Yea, I have had the Spinfter's ring — I was fous'd into the Thames, and wrung by mine Hoft's fcullions ; cramp'd 'twixt hand and hand like a rinc'd doublet. 1 had thought my fwoln belly were but a mafs of congealed fack, beverag'd, indeed, with a flight frnack of diftillation from the poppies of the drowfy God ; but I was out, villainoufly miftaken — I had more bucket-water than fack : ORIGINAL LETTERS. 85 fack: and for diftillation, I'm a knave an there hath been a fcruple of it in my whole fyftem for a matter of eight and forty hours. There is no reft in a cart — Mine Hoft, and his fry of Inkeepers— all the lice of Egypt lye in their quarters ! — did enter into confederacy to unhorfe me. 1 broke their backs, forfooth ! Tis a lie. The difciple Ananias leas'd not fo largely — 'tis a lie — But thou art at Wind- for — thou muft be adviled of all this ; for the ballad-finging knaves did deal out, cir- culate their protefl — 'twas a ftanding jefl — thou muft know it— —I will briefly then unfold to thee, mine Antient, how I ef- caped me away. I had note of a commo- dity of hides being carted for London, — buckler's for Hal's, I would fay the King's fervice. A curfe on Hal { Would he he were fellow-twin to the Giant, he with the vulture at his chitterlings ! To Windfor went I for a reconciliation ; from Windfor came I for a Tanner's yard ! Mark me, good mine Antient: — Having note that there were hides going for Lon- don, 86 ORIGINAL LETTERS. don, I barter'd with the Carter, brib'd the Boor to decamp at midnight without coil, for the town was mad, would ha' kept me for fport, made a Sampfon of me, had I contorted with Ox-hides by day. — In I got, unknowing of other paffengers — there were myriads — by night they did rooft — on the morrow I was envelop'd, a lump of cor- ruption ! a very dunghill, with all it's fuf- focative fmells ! — The buck-bafket was a manfion to it, a Court — would I had been there again 1 I'd fubmitted to be quoited into the river — I'd fubmitted to be ftirred like a boiled cabbage — yea, by the cowl- ftaff. 1 was fifty times in the mind to defcend on the road, and truft to dame Fortune for the reft. ; but the rogue will'd it not — he had a jeft in (lore — for the goal I bargain'd, and for the goal I muft. on. — 'Twas not in my ability to vault — 'twas a precipice of five foot — I fhould ha' burft like a bladder, and with as much explofion too, for I had failed. The town did come in view, and I was in a cart, drove like dung for a fallow ; a man of my rank and ORIGINAL LETTERS. 87 and parts ! — I was compell'd to creep be- tween the horns of the teeming hides, and enfconce me beneath. — I was compell'd to forego the light of day, or would I have lived, mine Antient, to be fhotten, like a tale of bricks, from the nether end of a cart into a Tanner's yard i I'd rather roll'd and been dafli'd — I'd rather have lain till the day of refurreclion in the paunches of fallow hounds. Had I been diminutive, I muft have into the pit — but I o'erfha- dow'd it — the tan-pit, for the foul favour'd whipftiot had made it his mark. Hafte, good mine Antient, I have more to tell thee. Mine Hoftefs did think I had rifen from the dead — Would I had not been fo much among the living ! — But in- deed I was much corrupted. Let me fee thee — Delay not. John Falstaff. sir 88 ORIGINAL LETTERS. SIR JOHN TO CORPORAL *BARDOLPH. Why, thou damn'd Mulciberian Cy- clops-beaming rafcal— thou recreant fervitor to recreant Hinds ; — thou haft, no more ho- nourable afpirement in thee, than is in a tail-abbreviated Butcher's retainer. Be- caufe the apoflate Prince, the Eaflcheap lfcariot, commended the boy Francis, thou muft, forfooth, perpetually gibbet, gibbet, gibbet, up and down like mine Hoftefs's pybald turnfpit. One would think, the only particle of Promethean animation, thy carcafe was * Perhaps the Reader mould be reminded, that Bar- dolph had left Sir John's fervice on account of the Knight's increafed expences, and engaged himfelf as Tapfter to mine Hoft of the Garter. " I fit at Ten pound a week." Falstaff. Merry Wives of Windfor. A& I. Scene 3. dowered ORIGINAL LETTERS. 89 dowered with, had concentered in thy per- petually verduring nafalities ; — and yet have I feen thee trail a pike mofl puifiantly. — Nay, 'twas thy gait, thy warlike deport- ment, procured thee a Halbert ; fuperadded indeed to a fubtilty of finger thou wert egregioufly endowed with. Haft, thou forgotten, when fome thirty years ago thou wert pioufly bawling out a rofary with good Miftrefs Blurt, at Paul's ? Haft thou forgotten the theft of her holy beads ? I faw it, and dubb'd thee an Officer upon the fpot ; and now are thefe good Gentlemanly acquirements ftirunk to the fervice of a pewter-pot ! By the Spirit of Cacus, 'tis an apoftacy more egregious than that of the betrayer Judas. — To fee a fine, dull, indifferent, difpaffionate, Pick-purfe» forego his laudable, his honourable avocation, and commence waiting-varlet, 'mong the draff of fociety ! 'Tis a breach, a perilous gap in the holy Command, which prefcribes unto Man to be duteous and content in his ordained ftate of life. — I fhall live to fee thee 90 ORIGINAL LETTERS. thee damn'd, - Bardolph. — In the name of a foldier, I conjure thee beftir thyfelf — Inftant difcharge me the Knave Tapjler, and inlifl me the tall Recruit Ambition. — Think not I would that thou mould'ft forfwear ale Drink, drink — an it's an angel a quart, I'll anfwer the brewage. If thou conceifft, that the deep Waffel is only to be kept in common houfes, thou art villainoufly miftaken. — I was never a Tapfter, and yet hath my blood kept a perpetual Coronation. — Sack, burnt fack, hath preferv'd me an illuminated front ; but indeed 'twas ever an emblem of the Falftaft loyalty. My Grandfire, when he died, bequeath'd to his fon's portion a fwoln kidney. The young heir, a Roman of the true ftamp, increas'd the family eflate — it throve with him. — For myfelf, thou haft known me, Bardolph, thou haft known me. 1 am not like a many of thefe now- a-day fummer heirs, who prodigally lavilh in civets the eftates of their anceftors — No— I have religioufly kept up the inheritance. Prove OR?GINAL LETTERS. gi Prove that the fires of my liver have ever been extindt — Prove that they have, and fcourge me with rods like the drowfy veftal. In the moft profound fcience of phild- fophy there is a term, Corporal, and it is much ufed, called an Axiom. But I will not misfpend the fupererrogatory wind, with which the omnipotence of Candy hath kindly blefs'd me withal, by entering into verbofe definition, and perplexing thee with crude phrafe No — I am too well ac- quainted with thy indifcriminate uncleanly appliances of papers. 1 will briefly ob- ferve then, that it hath been ever efteemed a felf-evident principle, that the fincerity of returning allegiance is better exprefled by deeds than words. 1 know not whether the Apoftle Thomas had my belly; but this I know, I have his unbelief. Thou may'fl have the faith and fufiferance of Zopyrus — more, more — I deny it not But, Cor- poral, I'll fee thee damn'd ere I'll trufl to it, till thou haft given the irrefragable proof — My 02 ORIGINAL LETTERS. My horfes are under arreft — Mine Hoft hath them in durance for a credit of Ford's — he that made a Yonker of the fat Knight, under the femblance of Matter Brook — that dealt him angels in his pocket, and blows on his fkin — that flighted him into a ditch for a tadpole, and hunted him through Windfor Foreft for a buck — that but the breath of man is not fufficiently com- petent to great revenge. — — I did never wifh to controul the fouth-weft wind till now — Fd blifter him, till the very beails trembled at his din. Bardolph, bring off my beafts, my horfes — Steal— Enter Ford's houfe — there is a fouth door but ill-forti- fied ; and let me fee thee forty pound the weightier for thy tapfterlhip. I fhall be in Eaftcheap — Delay not the moments — Mine Antient Piftol doth await to greet thee by the fift. I'll not bid thee adieu, but I'll bid thee farewell. — Nym faith, there is a (loop of excellent malt-liquor in tap here. John Falstaff. sir ORIGINAL LETTERS. 93 SIR HUGH EVANS OF THE GOOT TOWN WINDSOR, PRIEST, TO SIR JOHN FAL- STAFF, GREETING. Sir John, I emprace you fery affection- ately— I fold you to my pofora — marry, not itentically and literally, o'my confcience you are too pig j put py type and py token, as Mif- trefs Ford is 'ont exprefs her affedlion, perad- venture, in 'Indfor Foreft. Ha ! ha ! ha ! — Sir John, why you are creat upon your own elec- tions and immunities — Free Ranger in King Harry's Park, and Knight of the moil re- fpedlable and goot Order of the Path ; invefted, marry, in Datchet Mead. — Plefs my foul ! why I did never know Chriflian rife to fuch preferments without the aflift- ance of Majeily — fave and except hur own countrymen, who have, inteed, been com- pell'd to crow creat of themfelves fince the days of Llewellyn*- Why, if the opinion * The last King of Wales. ot 94 ORIGINAL LETTERS. of fome fhrewd Philofophers pe jufl and goot, which do afer, that the foul of man (and the pody is conjunctive* and infepa- rate) doth procreflively crow nearer to per- fection, o'my confcience, you make fuch ftrides, you will pe exalted apove the heads of all the people fery fhortly ; if py no other means, marry, at the callows for {lining fome poor 'oman to death with that mon- ftrous feather-ped in your pelly. Ha ! ha ! ha ! You fee, Sir John, we of the Rubrick can pe fery merry, maugre a plack coat and doublet; put you mufl pear with a little — (Plefs my foul, what is the 'ord 1 Galen hath it — ) aye, 'tis a Retort — you mud pear with a little retort, for the mockery and gybe you did put upon me 'fore Mafter Ford, and his goot friends. Put all this is not my prefent pufinefs. — There is a man, Sir John, marry, one Pan- dolph, or Pardolph, for inteed he hath not, * Sir Hugh, Sir Hugh, thou art fchifmaticlc, Sir Hugh. Got ORIGINAL LETTERS. 95 Got help, the appearance of a Pope's Le- gate — a fleepy, heavy-look'd man, with lifid knots on his nofe and cheeks — you mud re- collection the man — he lives with mine Hoft of the Garter, and traws ale and peer in a greafy old red coat. Well, peing very illiterate and padly prought up, the more the pity ! he hath fery properly, look'e, made motions to me, as his Pallor, to frame fomething goot by way of anfwer to a ten- der made him. Got plefs my heart and foul, why you are 'orfe than the Arch- Tevil in Paradife ! — You tempt man and 'oman both. Look'e, Sir John, the in- tention may pe goot; put I mult pe pold to declare, the man peareth himfelf with greater order and principle, o'my confcience, than there is reafon to pelieve, and credit of him, aforetime — Inteed, he is a little pit given to trowfinefs; put then he doth not pilfer, and do dirty actions, as Abraham Slender, Efquire, Got's Lords ! a creat Magiftrate o' the County o' Gloucefter, can fouch. 1 do afer, Sir John, the man is petter pe a door-keeper in the Houfe of the Lord, 96 ORIGINAL LETTERS. Lord, than a creat one in the tents o' the ungodly--— fo, take your 'vifaments in this. He 'ould altogether remain with mine Hoft, who doth pleed him, and phyfick him, and in teed 'ork with as much diferetions on his face to render fomewhat like the image of a man ; though more the misfor- tune, without effect. Peradventure, he may have fome private hankerings after a prother foldier — 'tis to pe expected — Got's Lords ! Thirty years is a long (hot to fol- low the Trum; — put I do pefeech, and de- fire of you, that he pe not enticed nor fpi- rited away ; for, o' my confcience, the man hath put little prain to help himlelf. Pefeech you, Sir John, looke', as a fhrewd turn. I fhall pe glad to pe advis'd of your em- parkation to pull down the French King. — Got fend his Majefty 'ould make his . peace with Glendower — He's a prave man, and 'ould atchiefe 'onders — O' my life, you'll do nought without him. Ah you have admittances to his Majefty, make a prief o' the ORIGINAL LETTERS. 97 o'the matter, and report it — he may pe foon found — depend, he's only among the plack mountains. Marry, Sir John, there is one matter pe- fide. You did porrow at my houfe a filver toafler. — Mine Hofl of the Garter hath it not. — Pefeech you, look among your fervice of plate, and let me have it — 'tis a weight o' fourteen ounce— Mine Hofl did merrily fay your plate was all carried off on your pack. Ha ! ha ! ha I Pe you a ped- lar, Sir John, or was it a vlout, and a freak of the fcald knave's ? O' my confcience, one 'ould think you had enough to do to pear away your own powels ; more efpe- cially after the merry compination o' the Inn-keepers. Pefeech you, Sir John, look among your fervice for my toafter. — I have a prefent of Seefe from Monmouth. Well ! Got's comfort go with you ! — his Angels piddle down pleflings on your knag- gin! Hugh Evans. F SIR 98 ORIGINAL LETTERS. SIR JOHN TO CORPORAL BARDOLPH. Bardolph, thou wilt make me call on Heaven to take me to itfelf — I fliall regret having furvived to witnefs the degeneracy, of Gentlemen, my good friends. 1 know- not whether Dame Fortune will have it fo for fome differvice I have done her, but my late paffages in life have been villainoufly wayward Piflol hath pla/d me the light heel — Nym hath revolted — thou art a tru- ant. Mine Antient, and Nym, indeed, unable to procure forage without me, have come to confeffion and received abfolution; and thou doft only withftand the affection- ate tenders and femonftrances of thy old Mafter. Bardolph, have I wrong'd thee at any time 1 Have I not made mine own neceffities crouch io thy wants ? Nay, have I not; many a time and'.ofJt, advanced thee monies when mine whole company were fain, out of very poverty,; ' quarter upon the country ? Thrice have I refcued thy legs from ORIGINAL LETTERS. 99 from the Stocks. — When ,have I withheld my linen, when thy body had elfe rotted in bed % But that I faved thee, thou had once been flogg'd from Hamlet to Hamlet, been fkinn'd for a fox, for pullet-Healing. What, matters it, that thou wert employed by me 1 Thy duty and fidelity to thy Mailer would gain thee laud at the latter day, I grant ye ; but would it have pour'd in oil to thy wounds here? I had thought of retiring from the world, like a good white-headed old man, fur- rounded by every my antient and approved good domeftics. 1 had thought of de- voting a portion of my future days of ftrength to the fubduing of my juvenile paffions — I was loth to put it off too long ; for know, Bardolph, there is a certain point in the age of Man, when the Delights of the Flefh do wax palfied in their government. — I mean not, that the accumulation of a fpecifick number of years mull of neceffity blunt the powers — No. — God forbid, that threefcore fhould be unprocreative ! — Indeed, I am F 2 more IOO ORIGINAL LETTERS. more than that myfelf — No. There is- a period, I fay, which is more diftant or early, according 'to the ftrength of the for- trefs, when our ally, Dame Nature, caufeth the foe to withdraw, and faveth us the .merit of a felf-conqueft. Haft, thou never obferv'd, good Cor- poral, (now can I not call thee by any other name) haft thou never obferv'd in Eaftcheap a fpare acrimonious-looking Cannibal, feed- ing on his brethren, I would mean on roaft crabs 1 Haft thou never obferv'd the dew- lap'd Elder, wtth finger trembling on the chords of old-age, apply beftriding glafles to his well-contrived nofe, and view the figures on mine Hoftefs's tapeftry ? His ocular powers have grown dim by age — in vain doth he look out for the foft colour- ings that once pleas'd him — his eye can difcern nought but the ordinary fhades — his film, his film does it. Juft fo fares it with this goodly landfcape of- the world — The Yonker admires it's fofter colourings, it's pleasures; and by habit is too prone to retain ORIGINAL LETTERS. 10 1 retain a fmack for them, till the laft hour of actual enjoyment paffeth away ; till the blood, it's uncheck'd fpirit flagg'd in reach- ing the imaginary goal, courfeth along like a ftaid mule. This ftate of incompetent im- becility would I provide againft — I would have the merit of a foreftall'd repentance. There is a thing, Corporal, mentioned in Holy Writ, and it is known to many in our land by the name of mufhroom — Manna, I would fay ; but indeed, 'tis the fame thing. — This Manna, as Mofes doth afiert in his Reports upon adjudged Cafes, fell as the dew of Heaven upon an hungry people. Now, if they had poffeffed no teeth, good Corporal, God's Elect had been loft, and the Manna remained unmafticate at this day. Such another windfall is Penitence, un- profitable to him who findeth it too late. For this caufe had I thought of re- tiring timely with my good domeftics F 3 and 102 ORIGINAL LETTERS. and retainers about me. — Thyfelf, Nym, Piftol, my faithful dogs, Miftrefs Dol, with thy own Helen, good Corporal, all, all fhould embrace the blefled moment of Re- generation. — For this did I defire thee to bring off my horfes. — Is it for me, Cor- poral, to abandon my gentle, my good cattle, to the mercy of the ungodly, to the thong of a mundanely-minded hunt-counter, an Inn-keeper ? I thank my God, I have not yet the bowels of a Turk. Mine Antient, who bears thefe, wil inform thee more fully. — Advife with him, and remember, Bardolph, if thou Hill ad- hereft to thy damnable herefy, Sir John is no longer thy friend. Farewell ! ANTIENT ORIGINAL LETTERS. 103 ANTIENT PISTOL TO SIR JOHN FALSTAFF. Let fack abound ! Be merry, Good- man Buff — for Bardolph, foul-engender'd Wight, the Mule of ftubborn rein, doth yield to Knighthood's proffers. Sir John fliall have the ftud — avaunt the ftud of mufli- room growth, the Bardolph's nafal ftud 1 I mean the Bully Rock's — Bucephalus, and Alexandrine nags ! Sir John lhall fleed again — Piftol hath faid it. — "-Shall deeds proclaim, how Garter'd Hofts, and Brazen Bulls were charm'd ? Or will old CEfon lift, ere Jafon doth bring home the Golden Fleece ? I will unfold, for fince that Quorum-oneyers* yearn to fack, Pauca's a tatler grown. * Antient Piftol mull allude to the mirth of Mafter Silence in his cups.— Vide Henry IVth. Second Fart. F 4 When 104 ORIGINAL LETTERS. When Piftol kenn'd the Lazar, he of fpigot-puiffance, off-fhogg'd the fcouler like to Dutchman's pinnace. And did not anceftry o'ertake ? Yea, and fubdue ; or Piftol's Caliber is not of England's mould. Sir John, and matter mine, thou art the kernel and the core of Clerkifh Knight- hood. The Apple of mine Eye is bafe— Foh ! a Figo for the phrafe ! Let pau- city be Nym's — Piftol is queint of quip. — Thou art the Tree on Ida's top, whence golden apples grow to tempt the maw of man. Bardolph will pluck, go to. Thy fchoolifh letter, Knight, hath from the lees of ale incorporate diftill'd unmanly tear; at fcan of it, the bafttful Corporal did weep like Ihe of Thebes. — His fenfes are mod fap — he hath been brew'd, and wort's his age — Doth the humour pafs 1 He is a child, go to — and from his fwaddling- clothes will Piftol fhape the doublet, flops, and eke the fhort cloak hight, for Knight- hood's wear. Shall Dombledons and filk-worms vile lay dead in Sepulchre, and fhall ORIGINAL LETTERS. 105 Avail not man be cloath'd ? Why then let Ford be fpun. — He (hall be robb'd ; for warriors, muft have Mark in body and in breech. Clip we the Bardolph's muff, when fervices are done 1 Or do we fuel add, for he is to the focket burnt ? — In filching time his eyelids do bow down, and pawn'd he hath to weaver's man mod bafe, his goodly Caliver, for hofe of fecond wear. — He mud be fherk'd, or charges will enfue. — Come we to the pauca one, or mail the Phoenix blaze 1 We muft adopt, or Dian will become maid Marian to Lucifer, and lead his mowing Imps, his damned Apes ot Hell. — We mull fucceffion have ; for lads and compeers, wooers of the Moon, fhould never dwindle fellowfhip — Piftol will Jack- all be unto the crew. Sir John, and Lion mine, arreft thine eyes' epiftolary progrefs, and mark the Calf — I mean the crural Calf. — Seeft thou- ought unfymmetried % Now, by the Lad that Vulcan, he of antler'd brow, did catch like Sparrow, his foul is as well apportion'd. — Palm him the Nief of mickle Fellowfhip, -and. from the tiding- F 5 beare r 106 ORIGINAL LETTERS, t bearer low bid boyhood rife the puiffant Pick-purfe. — Ought, that Piftol hath not utter'd, he will unfold. — Bow down um- brageous Manhood, and perpend unto him. Thine Antient Pistol. Ford fhall be robb'd— Bardolph is Tap- fler to him, and doth his threfhold know. — Thy Nags fhall forage in Eaftcheap ere bats do fleep again. Farewell ! DAVY TO SHALLOW. I beseech your good Worfhip to come quick. Here is Mafler Abram very ill — He goes about, and about, and lobs his head over this fhoulder, and over that fhoulder, like, your Worfhip, as it were, jufl of all the world like the large fun-flower of an afternoon by the tulip borders. I'm afraid, and fo's Robin, that he's beftraughtj for he fighs, and flobbers his beard, and Robin ORIGINAL LETTERS. I07 Robin fays, a' fometimes looks, marry, juft as your Worfhip did, when your Wor- (hip went mad about the Coat of Arms at old Sir Thomas's death. He went on the Bench with your Worfhip's Coufin Silence*, to commit fome vagrants, for dealing the nettles out of the ditch in the Park to make broth, thereby hurting the fences ; and he took no note of any thing, but look'd down upon the ground, and figh'd, and figh'd — and prefently, when your Worfhip's Coufin Silence ordered I mould make out a mit- timus for one Alice Page, a' cried out, Mum! and faid, fhe was in white— and fhe was an old gypfey, your Worfhip, in drab ■ and fo I told Mailer Abram, but he call'd me a Pqftrboy. 1 befeech your Worfhip to come quick, for a' heeds nobody. Mailer Abram was wont fpeak very foft> and play ball with the maids, and fing to us in the Hall ; and now a' goes about, and pines, and pines, and eats no not the tithe * Query. Was not this fame Matter Silence a defcendant of the Roman Tacitus ? F6 of 108 ORIGINAL LETTERS, of a goofeberry. — I got him z difli of prunes, ftew'd prunes, your Worfliip, that a' was wont to {delight in ; and a' touch'd them not; but faid, Mr. Fentum, Mr. Fentum mull have 'em. — But I told him there was no fuch a Gentleman in Cotf- wold ; then a' call'd out, " Nan Page was a maid-" and fo fell a gobbling them up with his hands, both his hands, that, your Wor- fliip, 'twas quite unlike Mafter Abram, that was always fo balhful to eat afore any body at all. 1 beg your Worfliip to haften, or a' may come to a bad end. — A' went out at twelve o'clock laft night, and faid the fat Knight Falftaff, he that robb'd your Worfhip's Park, was under the Elms — Robin and I took bur Calivers to flioot him, remembering your Worfhip's direc- tions ; but a' was not there — all was lonely, your Worfliip, and yet Mafter Abram would not come in. — A' faid, " Nan Page would appear in white,'' and then a call'd out, Mum 1 Mum ! Good ORIGINAL LETTERS. IO9 Good your Worfhip, I'll be bold to obferve upon a point : — A matter has ftruck me, as your Worfhip was wont to fay — marry, and very hard. 1 hope he be not, that is, I think a' would not, your Worfhip conceits me, I mould grieve that — that our Matter Abram were in league with —Truly, I have ferv'd your Worfhip very faithfully a matter of twelve years, as ferving-man, and fteward, and butler, and 1 have but fix mark a year, your Worfhip and clerk, and keeper of the flocks, and — all for fix mark, your Worfhip and cook, and cook's man, and — hatch'd your Worfhip's young turkies, worn all your Worfhip's caft doublets and hofe it's a long charge for one lone man, and fix mark's a fhort reckoning, and I hope, your Wor- fhip would make a friend of me in any great matter An Mafter Abram be one on 'em, he may have great reafon for it — and I'll be fuppos'd he is ; for a' walks back and back quite in thought, and fpeaks to himfelf, and then anfwers, and does all juft as Percy the Duke's fon did, afore he was IIO ORIGINAL LETTERS. was kill'd Your Worfhip may trufl a worfe man than me, and trufl a friend — Mailer Abram* may (land in Percy's (hoes, and yet wear them out, I can tell your Worftiip that. There's much wool in Cotfwould, altho' little cry. The Stroud's a fmall (hot over; but a bullet won't find the bottom foon. Would your Worfhip have the bucklers and mails clean'd up, that hang in the Hall] Marry, and the Welch hooks new pointed 1 Glen- dower will teach us trail the hook. 1 would, your Worfhip would come among us. Here's William Vifor, and Ralph Rampant, and Phil. Snugges, and Mark Maple-eye, and a many more of us — we exercife, your Worfhip, every day; and I * Who could fufpecT: ABRAHAM SLENDER, ESQ. of taking part in National Commotions? Davy's conceit is certainly a little mirthful. — Yet it fhould be remarked, that the wild and irregular ftarts of Percy may have been the fubjecl of much talk with the common people, and by fuch flirewd fellows as Davy be confidered the diftinguifhing mark, or (as Falftaff fays) the Shibboleth of a Rebel of Rank. deal ORIGINAL LETTERS. Ill deal out provifions and ale from your Wor- fhip's cellar — and I would, your Worfhip would give order for pay; and fome hops, your Worfhip, for brewing; and fome hurdles for the turnip-field; and a new yoke for the oxen ; and a word of comfort for Alice Shortcake; — (he pines, your Wor- fhip, about Mafter Abram. With thefe matters I humbly take leave of your Worfhip. SHALLOW TO DAVY. God blefs my heart and foul ! — Dif- band the foldiers, Davy. Let 'em be difbanded. Blefs my heart, I fhall be attainted of affection to his Majefly's ene- mies. That Mark Maple-eye hath more colours than one — I have feen him a good fubjedl. — Marry, doth my Coufin Silence know, is he advifed of the matter? — Let him not know it, Davy. How long hath 112 ORIGINAL LETTERS. hath Ralph Rampant been a rebel J Marr^ he fliall remain Rampant — he fhall be quar- ter' d for their arms, hung, drawn, and quartered. Let my Coufin Slender be tended, Davy, clofely, Davy — a crook in love mould be in the hand of a good ftiep^ herd — He hath been crofs'd, Davy. A fair fprag maiden of good conditions and endowments, but come of the firft woman, yea more fig-leaves to conceal her tendences than Eve,. Davy — marry, a Budget*. Let John Coomb widen the flocks — Hath he fent his bill, Davy? Let my Coufin Si- lence have it for the Quorum. The County mufl pay it — 'tis a repair awarded for damages, damages by the rebels — in their retreat, Davy. A new granary, and a dove-cot, indeed, on my own lands, but that is nought, not awhit. — Marry, we examine — we caft, and pay. Truly, an * Whether Shallow is intentionally witty, I can- not pretend to affirm ; but this fame word was to have been fweet Ann Page's private anfwer to Mailer Slender's Quail-call in Windfor Poreft. Vide Merry Wives of Windfor, AA V. Scene I. a Juflice ORIGINAL LETTERS. 113 a Juflice of the Peace could not fhift to edge any little tiny matter in of his own, the Quorum would not hold plural — 'twould quick be in the fmgular number, Davy, foon Qui, qum, quod. — Ha ! ha ! ha ! — We don't labour in the vineyard for nought, Davy — Ha ! ha 1 ha ! Marry, let the Stocks be widened — Bid John Coomb look to it, and fee that it be done. I'm refolv'd, that William Vifor mail not 'fcape — his legs fhall not bear him off again — he hath a grofs calf; but the Stocks fhall bind it — he fhall not get away — yea, he fhall be bound in calf. God blefs my foul, Davy, how could you affemble ; how encourage, marry, and marfhal, the foes of his gracious Majefty? — O' my confcience, I might have been proclaim'd, yea, marry, declared a rebel by attainder, and march'd againft. But indeed you have not been in love, Davy — You never lov'd. — My Coufin Slender hath a great trial — look to him, Davy — he hath much Give him at- tendance, Davy — he may ftart, marry, and break out, and — 'tis love, Davy, look to him, a liege 114 ORIGINAL LETTERS. a liege mbjedt, and a loyal, may do it. I could name you the day, when the hear of a fine tall Bona-Roba would make me, I mould ha' hop'd you God blefs ray heart, why what, Davy — it is not all brew'd — hath become of the Pocket from Hinch- ley market — the Pocket of Hops, new hops, Davy, bought at the Wake, marry, of Hugh Ryecropl You can't chufe want hops, Davy — certain you can't. Marry for the yoke, let it be had; but the hur- dles, Davy, muft be ftak'd and bound — You don't give range, you don't give fcope, Davy, to the flock. — Let them have an half acre turnip — they'll not level fences. Look to my Coufin Slender. — I fliall tend him myfelf, Davy, foon, Davy. Robert Shallow. * Here is an air of pleafantry throughout, that I have never obferved in Shallow before. Through all his affected anger, 'tis eafy enough to difcover, that iiis vanity is not a little fed by Davy's anticipating officioufnefs. — No matter to Robert in what caufe they had affembled, he had a corps of foldiers training in his fervice! Davy ORIGINAL LETTERS. 1 15 DAVY TO SHALLOW. Master Abram is dead, gone, your Worfliip — dead ! Mailer Abram ! Oh ! good your Worfliip, a's gone. A never throve, fince a' came from Windfor — 'twas his death. I call'd him a rebel, your Wor- fliip — but a' was all fubjedt — a' was fubjedl to any babe, as much as a King — a' turn'd, like as it were the latter end of a lover's lute — a' was all peace and refignment — a' took delight in nothing but his book, of fongs and fonnets— a' would go to the Stroud fide under the large beech tree, and fing, till 'twas quite pity of our lives to mark him ; for his chin grew as long as a mufcle — Oh ! a' fung his foul and body quite away — a' was lank as any greyhound, and had fuch a fcent ! I hid his love-fongs among your Worfliip's law-books; for I thought, if a' could not get at them, it might be to his quiet; but a fnuff'd 'em out in a mo- ment. Good your Worfliip, have the wife Il6 ORIGINAL LETTERS. wife woman of Brentford fecured— Matter Abram may have been conjured — Peter Simple fays, a' never look'd up, after a fent to the wife woman — Marry, a' was always given to look down afore his elders ; a' might do it, a' was given to it — your Wor- fliip knows it j but then 'twas peak and pert with him— a' was a man again, marry, in the turn of his heel. A* died, your Wor- fhip, juft. about one, at the crow of the cock. — I thought how it was with him ; for a talk'd as quick, aye, marry, as glib as your Worihip ; and a' fmiled, and look'd at his own nofe, and call'd " Sweet Ann Page." I afk'd him if a' would eat — fo a' bad us commend hjm to his Coufm Robert (a' never call'd your Worihip fo before) and bade us get hot meat, for a' would not fay nay to Ann again*. — But a' never liv'd to touch it — a' began all in a moment to fmg " Lovers all, a Madrigal." 'Twas the only fong Mafler Abram ever learnt out of * Vide Merry Wives of Windfor — Latter part of the ift Scene, ift Acl. book ORIGINAL LETTERS. 117 book, and clean by heart, your Worfliip — and fo a' fung, and fmiled, and look'd afkew at his own nofe, and fung, and fung on, till his breath waxed fhorter, and fhorter, and fhorter, and a' fell into a ftruggle and died. I befeech your Worfliip to think he was well tended — I look'd to him, your Worfliip, late and foon, and crept at his heel all day long, an it had been any fallow dog— but I thought a' could never live, for a' did fo fing, and then a' never drank with it— I knew 'twas a bad fign — yea, a' fung, your Worfliip, marry, without drinking a drop. Alice Shortcake craves, (he may make his fhroud. — Ah ! had your Worfliip but never ha' taken him to. Windfor ! I knew Miftrefs Alice's mind, marry, and Mailer Abram's too— they'd ha' coupled, your Wor- fliip, and never dreamt of love, any more than all their forefathers, and grandfathers did afore them. Old Sir Simon's vault muft be opened, I humbly conceit, your Worfliip ; and Mailer Il8 ORIGINAL LETTERS. Mailer Abram's effigy placed by his fide in the Chancelry, in armour, marry, with his hands folded on his breast, by way of de- noting his death's-wound ! for I humbly think, with your Worftrip's leave, it may tend to warn all fuch, as have not (hrewd heads, from entering into love- matters. An your Worfliip will fpecify time and place, I'll bring the horfes to meet, and carry your Worlhip home, in order to have directions about Mailer Abram's funeral. Your Worlhip's ferving man, Dayy. MASTER ORIGINAL LETTERS. 1 19 The following fragment appears among Sir John's papers. It evidently formed part of a Letter to the Prince; but being very mutilated, the Editor was for fome time irre- folute as to granting it admiffion among his more perfect MS. However, an innate reverence to every the rnofl trifling relique of the good Knight, at length determined him to prefent it to the publick. * * * * made up of the flireds and clippings of the feveral arts and fci- ences. He hath made much progrefs in Italian, doth begin to wax villainoufly nafal in his pronunciation of French ; and for dancing, Hal ! he would flit ye to and fro like a fhadow. ***** * * * * * * * ******** * * In height he is about 5 foot 11, or by'r lady, inclining to fix foot ; but the face, the face, is the Trumpeter to this afpiring inclination of Mailer Slender's; the I20 ORIGINAL LETTERS. the diftance from chin to brow being a common pace, or geometrically fpeaking, is to the whole upright fyflem as 4 to i6£ — one-fourth, if we omit fractions. With all this majefly of * * * * # ****** Cat. Defunt. CAPTAIN FLUELLIN TO MRS. QUICKLY. Got plefs my heart ! Captain Falftaff dead! Mifirefs 'Ickly, I hope he departed with the fear of his Majefty in poth his eyes, marry, and of Got too ? His Ma- jefly, to pe fure, was repukings and gall- ings to him, when his Majefty, look'e, was King upon the death of his father; but that is nought — ■ — If he ufed his goot plea- sures in the matter, look'e, Miflrefs 'Ickly, he might degrade, and create a trummer, or a fifer, or what is 'orfe, the futler's paggage- pearer o' the camp, of me, or of any cap- tain. Sir John was old, moil certain, and his ORIGINAL LETTERS. 121 his preed might pe a matter pigger than I can recollection to have feen ; put that, look'e, fliould not kill him a whit the more fudden. 'hy, I did have letters from him — when was the meffenger arrive 1 Aye, yefterday is the week, 'tis in my pocket, advifing of a kind of intention, marry, to empark for the enemy's coaft. with me and Captain Gower— 'tis as gypifli and jokifli, and as primful of the altogether Knight, o' my confcience, as one grafif'd pippin might favour of another. Put Death is fery ill and moody in his 'haviour and manners. — —He is not the Gentleman, peradventure, in his intercourfes, that I might obferve of other his relatifes. There was UlyfTes the Greek had occafions and matters to difcufs with Pluto— 'hy, he was received, look'e, pelow, as his rank merited — O, Death had a goot pattern in Pluto! — I have had readings apout Death — You (hall hear And when he 'ould pe merry, he doth chufe The gaudy champer of a dying Kim; G ! then 122 ORIGINAL LETTERS. O ! then he doth ope wide his poney chaws. And with rude laughter and fantaflic tricks' He claps his rattling fingers to his fide; And when this folemn mockery Put I will end with this folemn mockery. — You fee, Miftrefs 'Ickly, that Death hath his vlouts, and his freaks, and his merri- ments, maugre what all the antient writers may afer ; tho', o' my confcience, I cannot fay, I did ever hi any my patties and fkir- miihes fee him, look'e, fo much as on a proad grin.— — I am forget the lineage and family of the author ; put it pe Irijh. Hath Captain Falftaff left any creat mat- ters in the way of eftate? Put that's no matter at all — fend me the pill of his fu- neral charges, and I will pe three crowns in his debt to puy him a pound of lead to lay in. So Got me 'udge, I aneelion'd the man, as a man, peradventure, might ef- timate of a prother, where there was only one in the family, look'e, pefide the father and his ownfelf. He was the fery per- fon ORIGINAL LETTERS. 1 23 fon of all the 'otid to keep th' univerfal army in goot glee, when the athverfary, o' my confcience, approach'd with hia pike as far off as the jerk of half a "Hone. Hath he left fons and daughters to reprefent and ty- pify him in the 'orld ? Let me pe advifed o' this matter, Miflrefs 'Ickly. 1 will promotion and make them as pig men under King Harry, as he that peget them of 'oman ; that is, Miflrefs 'Ickly, upon the well fouchment, and pelief, and credit too, that they pe honeft and goot fubjecls, and pe not given to porrowings and fackings. O' my credit, there is three pounds Sir John did get advance of me py way of poffets, which is no petter than drofs — Put that, look'e, is a matter of affapility petween us, that I 'ould not difcufs to an own prother. He is dead, and I am three crowns in his debt, and there's the finifh. Got blefs you, Miflrefs Quickly ! FINIS. vt; jsr & llillil mmm. yMMm"^