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 CORNELL 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 FROM 
 
 Mrs."m.-t .^.*Jurlpy 
 
Cornell University Library 
 PR2826.A2V97 
 
 The merry wives of Windsor, a comedy. Illu 
 
 3 1924 013 141 266 
 
^. 
 
Cbe 
 
 A Comedy hy 
 
 William Shakespeare 
 
 I iLustrated by 
 J. FiNNEMOFLE 
 
 &- F L.EMANUEL. 
 
 Edited by 
 Edric Vredenbur^. 
 
 No. 1533. 
 
 Raph/^el Tuck o-5ons, 
 
 J-ondon, Paris, New York. 
 
 Publishers 
 
 to Hei- Majesty 
 
 THE GJUtElN, 
 
 
 i ■ I 
 
^ Lo ^ / 'i ^^.^_ 
 
 Sir John Falstaff. 
 
 Fenton. 
 
 Shallow, a country justice. 
 
 Slender, cousin to Shallow. 
 
 Mr. FoRi>, I two gentlemen dwelling at 
 
 -Mr. Pack, J ^\'lndso^. 
 
 William Pai^k, a boy, son to Mr. Page. 
 
 Sir Hugh E\ans, a \Velsh parson. 
 
 Dr. Caius, a French physician. 
 
 Host ol" the Garter Inn. 
 Bardolph, j 
 Pistol, I- t'ollowers of Falstaff. 
 
 NVM, J 
 
 Roi;iN, page to Falstaff. 
 Simple, servant to Slender. 
 Ruol;\-, servant to Dr. Caius. 
 Mrs. Ford. 
 Mrs. P.\GE. 
 
 Mrs. Anne Page, her daughter, in love with 
 Fenion. 
 v^ Mrs. QuiCKi.\', servant to Dr. Caius. 
 Servants to Page, Ford, etc. 
 
 Scene — ^\'indsor, and the parts adjacent. 
 
TRADITIONAL ORIGIN 
 
 (mm^ TDi^ea of Tt^inbaor. 
 
 *itis said that QuhEN Elizabeth was so 
 well pleased with the admirable character 
 of Falstaff in the two parts of Henry IV., 
 that she commanded our Author to continue it 
 for one play more, and to show him in love; 
 a task which he is recorded to have completed 
 in'a fortnight, to the admiration of his royal 
 patroness, who was afterwards very well pleased 
 at the representation. 
 
 [ 7 ] 
 
^PCahUlO of this play, Dr. Johnson 
 remarks, that "no task is harder than that 
 of writing to the idea of another. Shakespeare 
 knew what the Queen, if the story be true, 
 seems not to have known — that by any real 
 passion of tenderness, the selfish craft, the 
 careless jollity, and the lazy luxury of Falstaff 
 must have suffered so much abatement, that 
 little of his former cast would have remained. 
 Falstaff could not love but by ceasing to be 
 Falstaff. He could only counterfeit love ; 
 and his professions could be prompted, not by 
 the love of fileasure, but of money. Thus the 
 poet approached as near as he could to the 
 ■work enjouied him. Yet having, perhaps, in 
 his former plays completed his own idea, seems 
 not to have been able to give Falstaff all 
 his former pov>-ev of entertainment. 
 
 '* 'C/^'' conduct of this drama is deficient. 
 The action begins and ends often 
 belore the conclusion, and the different parts 
 might change places without incoiu eniencc ; 
 but its general power, that power b)' \\hich all 
 works of genius shall finally be tried, is such, 
 that perhaps it never yet had reader or 
 spectator who did not think it too soon at 
 an end." 
 
 L 8 ] 
 
of 039 ini>0or. 
 
 <♦♦♦♦♦♦ 
 
 Scene I. — Jf^indsor. 
 
 Before Pages House. 
 
 Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, 
 and Sir Hucn Evans. 
 
 Slia/Ioit'. 
 I IR HUGH, persuade me not ; I will make 
 % a Star-Chamber matter of it : if he were 
 twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not 
 abuse Robert Shallow, esquire. 
 
 Sleii. In the county of Gloster, justice 
 of peace, and coram. 
 
 S/tdl. Ay, cousin Slender, and ciist- 
 aloruDi. 
 \ Sleii. Ay, and ratolonnn too ; and a 
 
 " gentleman born, master parson ; who 
 
 writes himself arniigcro ; in any bill, war- 
 rant, quittance, or obligation, arinigero. 
 
 Shal. Ay, that I do ; and have done 
 
 any time these three hundred years. 
 
 Slen. All his successors, gone before 
 
 him, hath done 't ; and all his ancestors, that 
 
 come after him, may: they may give the dozen 
 
 white luces in their coat. 
 
 [ 9 ] 
 
Shal. It IS an old coat. 
 
 Evans. The dozen white louses do become an 
 old coat Well; it agrees well, (lassant ; it is a 
 familiar hecist tri man, and signifies love. 
 
 ^7/,;/. 'I'lic luce is the fresh fish ; the salt fish 
 is an old coal. 
 
 ^Icii. I ma\- ijuarter, coz ? 
 
 Shal. Yon ma\-, by marr)ing. 
 
 Evans. It is marring, indeed, if he quarter it. 
 
 Shal. Not a wliit. 
 
 Evans. Ves, ii)'r-lad)' ; if he has a quarter of 
 your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, 
 in my simple conjectures ; but that i^ all one : 
 if Sir John Falstaff ha\e committed di-[iarage- 
 menls nnlo \oii, I am of the church, and will be 
 glad ti' do m\- benexolence to make atonements 
 and com|iromises between )ou. 
 
 Slial. The Council shall hear it , il is a 
 not. 
 
 Evam. It 1-. not meet the Council hear a not ; 
 there is no lear (jf Got in a not : the Council, 
 look ^ou, >hall desire to hear the fear ot Got, 
 and not to hear a riot ; take )our vizaments in 
 that. 
 
 Shal. Ha ! o' ni)' lile, if I were \0Uiig again 
 the sword should end it. 
 
 Evans. It is [letter that friends is the sword, 
 and end it ; and there is also another de\ice in 
 my pram, wIim.Ii, peradwnture, prings goot dis- 
 cretions \villi It : there is .Vnne I'age, which is 
 daughter to >[aster George i'age, winch is 
 pretty virginit)'. 
 
 Slfn. Mistress Anne I'age ! .She has brown 
 liair, and sfieaks small, like a wxniian. 
 
 Evans. It is that fcr)- jierson for all the 'orld ; 
 as just as )ou will desire, and se\eii hundred 
 |iOunds of monies, and gold and silver, is her 
 
 [ 
 
 ] 
 
grandsire, upon his dcath's-bed (Got deliver to 
 a joyful resurrections !) give, when she is able 
 to overtake seventeen years old. It were a goot 
 motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, 
 and desire a marriage between Master Abraham 
 and Mistress Anne Page. 
 
 S/iaL Did her grandsire leave her seven 
 hundred pound ? 
 
 Ecans. Ay, and her father is make her a 
 petter penny. 
 
 Shal. I know the young gentlewoman ; she 
 has good gifts. 
 
 Evan;. Seven hundred pounds and possibili- 
 ties is good gifts. 
 
 ShaL Well, let us see honest Master Page. 
 Is Falstaff there ? 
 
 Evans. Shall I tell you a lie } I do despise 
 a liar as I do despise one that is false, or, as I 
 despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir 
 John, is there ; and, I beseech you, be ruled by 
 your well-willers. I will peat the door for 
 Master Page. [Knocks.] What, hoa ! Got 
 pless your house here 1 
 
 Fage. [U'it/iln.] Who 's there ? 
 
 Evans. Here is Got's plessing, and your 
 friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young 
 Master Slender, that, peradventures, shall tell 
 you another tale, if matters grow to your likings. 
 
 Fxf: 
 
 Enter Page. 
 
 I am glad to see your worships well 
 
 I thank you for my venison. Master Shallow. 
 
 Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you : 
 much good do it your good heart ! I wished 
 your venison better ; it was ill killed. — How 
 doth good Mistress Page? — and I thank you 
 always with my heart, la ; with my heart. 
 
 [ 
 
 ] 
 
V 
 
 /' ^\1 
 
 -Pt'.K'e. Sir, I thank you. 
 
 S/iaL Sir, I tlimik you ; by yea and no, I do. 
 
 ^(i.C- I am gkid to see )'(ju, good Master 
 Slender. 
 
 SIcii. How does your fallow greyhound, sir ? 
 I heard say, he was outrun on Cotsall. 
 
 -P'^ge. It could not be judged, sir. 
 
 SIlh. You 'II not confess, you '11 not confess. 
 
 S/iiii. That he will not. — 'Tis )our fault, 'tis 
 -s^ )our fault :— 'tis a good dog. 
 ' . ■f''M''-'- -^ cur, sir. 
 
 S/hi/. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; 
 can there be more said ? he is good, and fair-— 
 Is Sir John Falstaff here ? 
 
 J^age. Sir, he is within ; and I would I could 
 do a good oflice between )ou. 
 
 Evans. It is spoke as a Christians ought to 
 speak. 
 
 Slial. He hath wronged me, Master PagCi 
 
 /'(/.^(•. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. 
 
 Shal. II it be confessed, it is not redressed: 
 is not that so, Master Page ? He hath wronged 
 me ; indeed, he hath; — at a word, he hath; — 
 believe me ; — Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he 
 is wronged. 
 
 Po\;^e. Here comes Sir John. 
 
 Etitcr Sii-]o\\^ Fai.st.vfi', Baruolph, 
 Nym, and Pi.sTOL. 
 
 Fal. Now, Master Shallow, \ou 'II complain 
 of me to the king ? 
 
 Shal. Knight, )'ou have beaten my men, killed 
 my deer, and broke open my lodge. 
 
 Fal. iiut not kissed your keeper's daugliter? 
 
 Shal. 'Put, a pm, this shall be answered. 
 
Fal. I will answer it straight : — I have done 
 all this. — That is now answered. 
 Shal. The Council shall know this. 
 Fal. 'T were better for you, if it were known 
 in counsel; you'll be laughed at. 
 
 Evans. Pauca verba. Sir John ; goot worts. 
 
 Fat, Good worts ? good cabbage. — Slender, 
 I broke your head : what matter have you 
 against me ? 
 
 Skn. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head 
 against you ; and against your coney-catching 
 rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They 
 carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, 
 and afterwards picked my pocket. 
 
 Bard. You Banbury cheese ! 
 
 Skn. Ay, it is no matter. 
 
 Pist. How now, Mephostophilus ? 
 
 Slen. Ay, it is no matter. 
 
 Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice 1 
 that's my humour. 
 
 Skn. Where's Simple, my man? — can you 
 tell, cousin ? 
 
 [ 13 1 
 
Eram. Peace, I pray you. Now let us under- 
 stand : there is three um[)ires in this matter, as 
 I understand ; that is — Master Page, fidtHcet, 
 Master Page ; and there is myscU, /itk/rfi'/, my- 
 self; and the three party is, lastly and finall)', 
 mine host of the Garter. 
 
 /^Ji,"^£'. \\'e three, to hear it, and end it 
 bet\veen them. 
 
 EiKins. Fery goot : I will make a prief of it in 
 my niite-book ; and we will afterwards 'ork upon 
 the cause, with as great discreetly as we can 
 
 Fal. Pistol,— 
 
 Fist. He hearsMvith ears. 
 
 Evans. The tevil and his tam ! what phrase is 
 this, " He hears with ear ? " ^Vhy, it is affecta- 
 tions. 
 
 Fal. Pistol, did you [lick Master Slender's 
 purse f 
 
 Sleii. Ay, by these glo\es, did he— or I would 
 I might ne\"er come in mine own great chamber 
 again else — of seven groats in mill-sixpences, 
 and two Edward shovel-boards, tliat conI me 
 two shilling and two pence a-piece of Vead 
 Miller ; — by these gloves. 
 
 Fal. Is this true. Pistol ? 
 
 Evaiii. Xc) ; It is false, if it is a pick-purse. 
 
 J''tst. I la, thou mountain-foreigner ! — Sir John 
 and master mine, 
 I combat challenge of this latten bilbo. — 
 \Vord of denial in thy labras here; 
 Word of denial : — froth and scum, thou liest. 
 
 Sle7i. pjy these gloves, then, 't was he. 
 
 Nym. Pe avised, sir, and pass good humours : 
 I will sa\', " marr)' trap," with >ou, ifyou run 
 the nut-hook's huimair on me ; that is the \t\) 
 note of it. 
 
 SUii. B\' this hat, then, he in the red face had 
 
 [ M ] 
 
it ; for though I cannot remember what I did 
 when you made me drunk, yet I am not 
 altogether an ass. 
 
 Fal. \Vhat say you, Scarlet and John ? 
 
 Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the 
 gentleman had drunk himself out of his five 
 sentences, — ■ 
 
 Evans. It is liis "five senses" : fie, what the 
 ignorance is ! 
 
 Bard. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, 
 cashiered ; and so conclusions passed the 
 careires. 
 
 Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 
 't is no matter. I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live 
 again but in honest, civil, godly company, for 
 this trick; if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with 
 those that have the fear of God, and not with 
 drunken knaves. 
 
 Evans. So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous 
 mind. 
 
 Fal. You hear all these matters denied, 
 gentlemen ; you hear it. 
 
 £n^er AysyK Page, wi/Zi tame; Mistress 
 Ford and Mistress Y .\o\: followi^ig. 
 
 Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll 
 drink within. \^Exit Anm-; Page. 
 
 Slen. Heaven ! this is ^Mistress Anne Page. 
 
 Page. How now. Mistress Ford ? 
 
 Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, )ou are very 
 well met : by your leave, good mistress. 
 
 ^Kissing her. 
 
 Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. 
 — Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner : 
 
 [ 15 ] 
 
come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down 
 all unkindness. 
 
 [Exduii/ a// l>i/f Hmxllow, Slender and Evans. 
 S^ei/. I had rather than forty shillings, I had 
 my Uook of Sungs and Sonnets here. 
 
 Eytler Simple. 
 
 How njw, Simple ? Where have you been? 1 
 rr.u-it wait on myself, must 1 ? Vou have not 
 the iJook of Riddles about you, have you? 
 
 Sini. Book of Riddles ! why, did you not lend 
 It to Alice Shortcake upon .Ml-hallowmas last, a 
 fortnight afure Michaelmas? 
 
 Sha!. Ci'iinc, co/,; come, coz ; we stay for 
 you. .\ word with you, coz ; marry, this coz; 
 there h, a-> 't were, a tender, a kind of tender, 
 made afar o,f tiy Sir Hugh here : do you under- 
 stand me ? 
 
 SIlii. A)-, sir, you shall find me reasonable : 
 if it be so, I ^liall d'j that that is reason. 
 
 Shal. Nas', but understand me. 
 
 S.fii. So [ do, sir. 
 
 Evam. (live ear to his motions, Master 
 SlenJe.-. I w,ll descn|iti;;)n the matter to )ou, if 
 you be capacitv ol it. 
 
 SU'i. Na)', I will do as my cousin Shallow 
 says. I pra\' you ]>ardon me; he's a justice of 
 peace in his couiitr)', sim[ile though I stand 
 here. 
 
 Evans, liut that is not the question : the 
 que^tiou It coiieenung your marriage. 
 
 Siuil. :\y, tliere's the point, sir. 
 
 Evdi'S. Marry, is it, the \-ery point of it; to 
 ^[lstre^s .■\nne I'age. 
 
 S!cn. W'h)', if It be so, I will marry her upon 
 any rca'.onable demand^. 
 
 [ '6 1 
 
Evans. But can you affection the 'oman ? Let 
 us command to know that of your mouth, or of 
 your lips; for divers philosoi^hers hold, that the 
 lips is parcel of the mouth : therefore, precisely, 
 can you carry your good will to the maid ? 
 
 Sha/. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love 
 her? 
 
 Sleri. I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become 
 one that would do reason. 
 
 Evans. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you 
 must speak positable, if you can carry her your 
 desires towards her. 
 
 Shal. That you must. Will you, upon good 
 dowry, marry her ? 
 
 Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon 
 your request, cousin, in any reason. 
 
 Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet 
 coz : what I do, is to pleasure you, coz. Can 
 you love the maid ? 
 
 Skn. I will marry her, sir, at your request ; 
 but if there be no great love in the beginning, 
 yet Heaven may decrease it upon better 
 acquaintance, when we are married and have 
 more occasion to know one another : I hojie, 
 upon familiarity will grow more contempt : but 
 if you say, " marry her," I will marry her; that 
 I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. 
 
 Evans. It is a fery discretion answer ; save the 
 faul is in the 'ort " dissolutely " : the 'ort is, 
 according to our meaning, " resolutely " : his 
 meaning is goot. 
 
 Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. 
 
 Slen. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, 
 la! 
 
 Re-enter Anne Page. 
 
 ^y#i*',KJ-i^^ 
 
 Shal. Here comes fair Mistress Anne. — 
 [ 17 ] c 
 
^ 
 
 >-~4-^ 
 
 
 Would I were young, for your sake, Mistress 
 Anne ! 
 
 Anne. The dinner is on tine table ; my father 
 desires your worships' company. 
 
 Shal. I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne. 
 
 Evans. Od's plessed will ! I will not be 
 absence at the ^race. 
 
 \E.xi-unt Shallow and Sir H. Evans. 
 
 .4nne. \\'i\\ 't please your worship to come in, 
 sir? 
 
 .Slen. Xo, I thank you, forsooth, heartily ; I 
 am very well. 
 
 .■Innf. The dinner attends )ou, sir. 
 
 Slen. I am not a-hungr)-, I thank \ou, for- 
 sooth. — Go, sirrah, for all )-ou are my man, go, 
 wait upon my cousin Shallow, [ii.v// Simple.] 
 A justice ot peace sometime may be beholden 
 tn his friend for a man. — I keep but three men 
 and a boy yet, till my mother be dead; but 
 what though ? yet I li\e like a poor gentleman 
 born. 
 
 ylnne. I may not go in without your worship ; 
 they will not sit, till you come. 
 
 S/c'i. r faith, I '11 eat nothing ; I thank you 
 as much as though I did. 
 
 Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. 
 
 S/i'i. I had rather walk here, I tb.ank you. 
 I bruised my shin th' other day with i>laying at 
 sword and dagger with a master of fence — three 
 vene)-s for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my 
 troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. 
 — W'liy do your dogs bark so ? be there bears i' 
 the town ? 
 
 Ann,-. I think there are, sir ; I heard them 
 talked of. 
 
 S/en. I love the sport well ; but I shall as 
 soon quarrel at it as any man in England. Vou 
 
 [ i8 ] 
 
are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you 
 not? 
 
 A?ine. Ay, indeed, sir. 
 
 Slen. That 's meat and drink to me now. I 
 have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and 
 have taken him by the chain ; but, I warrant 
 you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it 
 that it passed— but women, indeed, cannot abide 
 'em ; they are very ill-favoured rough things. 
 
 Re-enter Page. 
 
 Page. Come, gentle Master Slender, come ; 
 we stay for you. 
 
 Skn. I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir. 
 
 Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, 
 sir : come, come. 
 
 Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way. 
 
 Page. Come on, sir. 
 
 Skn. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. 
 
 Anne. Not I, sir; pray you, keep on. 
 
 Slen. Truly, I will not go first ; truly, la, I 
 will not do you that wrong. 
 
 Anne. I pray you, sir. 
 
 Slen. I '11 rather be unmannerly, than trouble- 
 some. You do yourself wrong, indeed, la ! 
 
 \_Exeunt. 
 
 ScivNl, II. 
 
 Pag, 
 
 An outer Room in 
 e's House. 
 
 Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple. 
 
 Evans. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor 
 Caius' house which is the way ; and there dwells 
 one Mistiess Quickly, which is in the manner of 
 his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or 
 his laundry, his washer, and his wringer. 
 
 [ 19 ] 
 
 c 2 
 
<si 
 
 S/'/n. \Vcll, sir. 
 
 Evans. Nay, it is jietter yet. — Gi\e her this 
 letter ; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaint- 
 ance with Mistress Anne Page -. and the letter 
 is, to desire and require her to solicit your 
 master's desires to Mistress Anne Page. I pray 
 you, be gone : I will make an end of my dinner : 
 there's jiipjiins and cheese to come. \^E.xcufi/. 
 
 Scene III. A Room in the 
 
 Garter Inn. 
 
 Enter F,\LsiArF, Host^ Bardolph, 
 NvM, Pistol, afid Robin. 
 
 Fa:. Mine host of the Charter, — 
 
 Jlait. ^\'hat says ni)' bulh-rook ? Speak 
 scholarly and wisely. 
 
 Fa'. Truly, mine host, I must turn awa\' 
 some of 111)- followers. 
 
 JIast. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier; let 
 them wag ; trot, trot. 
 
 Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. 
 
 Host. Thou 'rt an emi^eror, C;csar, Keisar, 
 and Phec/ar. I will entertain Bardolj^h ; he sliall 
 draw, he shall tap: said I well, bull) Hector? 
 
 Fa!. Do so, good luinc host. 
 
 Hasl. I have spoke ; let him follow. — Let me 
 sec thee froth and lime ; I am at a word : 
 follow. [E.xit IFst. 
 
 Fat. Pardolph, follow him. A tapster is a 
 good trade : an old cloak makes a new jerkin ; 
 a withered ser\ing-man a fresh ta]iSter. Clo ; 
 adieu. 
 
 t-!a>;f. It IS a life that I have desiied; I will 
 tliri\e. 
 
 [ 
 
 ] 
 
Pist. O base Gongarian wight ! wilt thou the 
 
 spigot wield ? \Exit Bardolph. 
 
 Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the 
 
 humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, 
 
 and there's the humour of it. 
 
 Fill. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder- 
 box : his thefts were too open ; his filching was 
 like an unskilful singer, — he kept not time. 
 
 NyjH. The good humour is to steal at a 
 minute's rest. 
 
 Pist. Convey, the wise it call. ' Steal ? ' foh ! 
 a fico for the phrase. 
 
 Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. 
 Pist. Why, then, let kibes ensue. 
 Fal. There is no remedy; I must coney-catch , 
 I must shift. 
 
 Pist. Young ravens must have food. 
 Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town ? 
 Pist. I ken the wight : he is of substance 
 good. 
 
 Fal. My honest lads, I ^vill tell you what I am 
 about. 
 
 Pist. Two yards, and more. 
 Fal. No qujps now, Pistol : indeed, I am in 
 the waist two jards about ; but I am now about 
 no waste, I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean 
 to make love to Ford's wife. I s[)y entertain- 
 ment m her ; she discourses, she carves, she 
 gives the leer of invitation ; I can construe the 
 action of her familiar style ; and the hardest 
 voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, 
 is, ' I am Sir John FalstafPs,' 
 
 Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated 
 her well, — out of honesty into English. 
 
 Nym. The anchor is deep; will that humour 
 pass ? 
 
 Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the 
 
 [ 
 
 ] 
 
rule of lier husband's purse — he hath a legion of 
 angels. 
 
 Piit. As many devils entertain ; and ' To 
 her, boy,' say 1. 
 
 Nyiii. The humour rises ; it is good ; humour 
 mc the angels. 
 
 Fal. I ha\e wril me here a letter to her : and 
 here another to I'age's wife, who even now gave 
 mc good eyes too, examined my parts with most 
 judicious eyliads ; sometimes the beam of her 
 view gilded m\' foot, sometimes my portly belly. 
 
 Piil. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. 
 
 Xmii. T thank thee for that humour. 
 
 Fa!. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors 
 with such a greedy intention, that the apjictite 
 of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a 
 burning-glass. Here's anotlicr letter to htr: 
 she bears the |iurse too ; she is a region in 
 Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater 
 to them both, and they shall be exchequers to 
 me ; the)' shall be my East and ^^'est Indies, 
 and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou 
 this letter to Mistress Page ; and thou this to 
 Mistress Ford We will thrive lads, we will 
 thrive. 
 
Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, 
 And by my side wear steel ? then, Lucifer take 
 all! 
 N'yrn. I will run no base humour : here, take 
 the humour-letter. I will keep the 'haviour of 
 reputation. 
 
 Fal. [Ty Robin.] Hold, sirrah, bear you these 
 letters tightly ; 
 Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. — 
 Rogues, hence ! avaunt ! vanish like hailstones, 
 
 go; 
 Trudge, plod, away, o' the hoof; seek shelter, 
 
 pack ! 
 Falstaff will learn the humour of the age, 
 French thrift, you rogues ; myself, and skirted 
 page. \Exeunt Falstaff and Robin. 
 Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts ! for gourd, 
 and fullam holds. 
 And high and low beguile the rich and poor. 
 Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt 
 
 lack. 
 Base Phrygian Turk ! 
 
 Nyin. I have operations in my head, which 
 be humours of revenge. 
 Pist. Wilt thou revenge ? 
 Nym. By welkm, and her star ! 
 Pist. With wit, or steel ? 
 Nym. With both the humours, I : 
 I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. 
 Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold 
 How Falstaff, varlet vile. 
 His dove will prove, his gold will hold, 
 And his soft couch defile. 
 Nym. My humour shall not cool : I will 
 incense Page to deal with poison ; I will possess 
 him with yellowness : for the revolt of mien is 
 dangerous ; that is my true humour. 
 
 K. <;i 
 
 [ 
 
 ] 
 
Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents : I 
 second thee; troop on. \Extunt. 
 
 Scene IV. ~A Room in 
 
 r>ocior Caiiis's House. 
 
 Enter Mistress Quickly, Simple, ajid 
 
 RUCBV. 
 
 Mrs. Quick. What, John Rugby ! — 
 I [iray thee, go to the casement, and see if you 
 can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, 
 coming: if lie do, i' faith, and find anybody in 
 the house, here \sill be an old abusmg of God's 
 [latience and the king's English. 
 
 A';/;,'. I 'II g<i watch. 
 
 Quick, (ju ; and we 'II ha\'e a posset for 't soon 
 at night, in faiih, at the latter end of a sea-coal 
 fire. [Exil Rui;i;\'.] An honest, willing, kind 
 tellow, as e\er servant shall come in house 
 withal ; and, I warrant )'ou, no tell-tale, nor no 
 breed-bale : Ins worst lault is, that he is given to 
 |ira}er; he is something peevish that way: but 
 nobod)' but has Ins fault ; — but let that i^ass. — 
 Peter Simple, )uu sa)' )'0ur name is? 
 
 Sim. Ay, fjr fault of a better. 
 
 Quick. And Master Slender's )'Our master? 
 
 Sini. A)', fjrsoolh. 
 
 Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, 
 like a glover'., [.anng-kiufe ? 
 
 Siru. No, forsooth : he hath but a little wee 
 face, with a little )ellow beard,— a Cain-coloured 
 beard. 
 
 Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not ? 
 
 Sim. Ay, forsooth ; but he is as tall a man of 
 
 [ ^4 ] 
 
his hands as any is between this and his head : 
 he hath fought with a warrener. 
 
 Quick. How say you ? — O, I should remember 
 him : does he not hold up his head, as it were, 
 and strut in his gait ? 
 
 Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. 
 
 Quick. Well, Heaven send Anne Page no 
 worse fortune ! Tell Master Parson Evans, I 
 will do what I can for your master; Anne is a 
 good girl, and I wish — 
 
 Re-enter Rugby. 
 
 Rug. Out, alas ! here comes my master. 
 
 Quick. We shall all be shent. [ii.v/V Rugbv.] 
 Run m here, good young man ; go into this 
 closet. \_Shuts Simple in the C/cset.] He will 
 not stay long. — What, John Rugby ! John, what, 
 John, I say ! — Go, John, go inquire for my 
 master; I doubt, he be not well, that he comes 
 not home. [Si/igs.] And doivn, down, adown-a, 
 &c. 
 
 Enter Doctor Caius. 
 
 Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese 
 toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet 
 un boitier vert ; a box, a green-a box : do intend 
 vat I speak ? a green-a box. 
 
 Quiet:. Ay, forsooth ; I '11 fetch it you. [Aside.] 
 I am glad he went not in himself: if he had 
 found the young man, he would have been horn- 
 mad. 
 
 Caius. Fe,fe,fe,fe! tna foi, it fait fort cfiaud. 
 Je men vais a la cour, — ta grande affaire. 
 
 Quick. Is it this, sir ? 
 
 Caius. Ouy, mette te an mon pocket ; depectie, 
 quickly. — Vere is dat knave Rugby ? 
 
 Quick. What, John Rugby ! John ! 
 
 Km:' 
 
 \ \ 
 
 25 ] 
 
Re-enter Rugby. 
 
 Rug. Here, sir. 
 
 Cains. You are John Rughy, and you are 
 Jack Rugby : come, take-a your ra].ier, and 
 come after my heel to de court. 
 
 jRii.i^. 'T is ready, sir, here in the jiorch. 
 Caius. By my trot, I tarr)' too long. — Od's me ! 
 Qi/'civ/'oii/-/ic ? dere is some simples in mv closet, 
 dat I vil not for de varld 1 shall leave behind. 
 
 Qi/i'ii. .\\ me! he'll find the \oung man 
 there, and be mad. 
 
 Cains. dia/'/c ! diahli ! vat is in my closet ? 
 — Villain)' : ianvni .' [Piil/iiig SlMPLE out.] 
 Rugb)' ; m\' rapier ! 
 
 Quiik. (jood master, be content, 
 Ciiins. \'erefore shall I be content-a ? 
 Quick. The young man is an honest man. 
 C<iiiis. Wat shall de honest man do in my 
 ch'iset ? dere is no honest man dat shall com.c in 
 ni)' closet. 
 
 Qi/u'.k. I beseech jciu, be not so phlegmatic ; 
 hear the truth of it : he came of an errand tome 
 from I'arson Hugh. 
 CdillS. Wll. 
 
 Sun. A}', for-ooth, to desire her to^ 
 
 Qniik. IVace, I pra)' )0u. 
 
 Cains. I'eace-a )Our tongue ! S[ieak-a your 
 lale. 
 
 Sun. 'l"o desne this honest gentlewoman, >our 
 maid, tri speak a gnod woid to Mistress Anne 
 I'age for my master, in the wa\' Cif marriage. 
 
 Quick. This IS all, indeed, la ; but I 'II ne'er 
 put my finger in the fire, and need not. 
 
 Cains. Sir Hugh send-a you ? — Rugby, Imil/ez 
 me some paper ; larry ynw a liltle-a \\lnle, 
 
 [ I ] 'rites. 
 
 [ ^-6 ] 
 
Quick. I am glad he is so quiet : ifhe had been 
 thoroughly moved, you should have heard him 
 so loud, and so melancholy. — But notwith- 
 standing, man, I '11 do you your master what 
 good I can ; and the very yea and the no is, 
 the French doctor, my master, — I may call him 
 my master, look you, for I keep his house ; and 
 I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and 
 drink, make the beds, and do all myself; — 
 
 Sim. 'T is a great charge, to come under one 
 body's hand. 
 
 Quick. Are you avised o' that ? You shall 
 find it a great charge : and to be up early and 
 down late ; — but notwithstanding, to tell you in 
 your ear — I would have no words of it — my 
 master himself is in love with Mistress Anne 
 Page ; but notwithstanding that, — I know .\nne's 
 mind, — that 's neither here nor there. 
 
 Cains. You jack'nape, — give-a dis letter to 
 Sir Hugh ; by gar, it is a shallenge : I will cut 
 his troat in de park ; and I will teach a scurvy 
 jackanape priest to meddle or make. — You may 
 be gone ; it is not good you tarry here ; — by gar, 
 I vill cut all his two stones ; by gar, he shall not 
 have a stone to trow at his dog. \Exit Simple. 
 
 Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. 
 
 Cains. It is no matter-a for dat :— do not you 
 tell-a me, dat I shall have Anne Page for my- 
 self? — By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I 
 have appointed mine host of de Jarterre to 
 measure our weapon. — By gar, I will myself 
 have Anne Page. 
 
 Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall 
 be well. We must give folks leave to prate : 
 what, the good-jer ! 
 
 Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me. — 
 By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn 
 
 [ 27 ] 
 
your head out of my door.— Follow my heels, 
 Rugby- {Exeunt Caius and Rugby. 
 
 Quick. You shall have An fool's-head of your 
 own. No, I know Anne's mind for that : never 
 a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's 
 mind than I do, nor can do more than I do 
 with her, I thank Heaven. 
 
 R'nt. {]\'ithin:\ Who 's within there ? ho! 
 
 Q-iick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the 
 house, I pra) )ou. 
 
 Enter Fentox. 
 
 F.'ut. How now, good woman ? how dost 
 thuu ? 
 
 Qinck. The better, that it pleases your good 
 worshi[) to a^k. 
 
 Fail. What news? huw does pretty Mistress 
 Anne .'' 
 
 Quick. In truth, sir, and >he is [iretty, and 
 honest, and gentle : and one that is your friend, 
 I can tell you that by the wa)' ; I praise Heaven 
 for It. 
 
 Fcnt. Shall I do any griod tliinkest thou? 
 Shall I not lose m\' suit ? 
 
 Quick. Troth, sir, all is in His hands above ; 
 but notwithstanding, Master T'enton, I'll be 
 sworn on a book, she lo\"es )'ou. — Ha\e not your 
 worshi|i a wart abo\e \our e)e? 
 
 Fcnt. \ <c^, inarr)', lia\ e I ; what of that ? 
 
 Quiik. Well, thereby hangs a tale:- good 
 laith, it is such another Nan ; — but, I detest, an 
 honest maid as e\er broke bread : - we had an 
 hour's talk of that wart: — I shall ne\'er laugh 
 but in that maid's comi an)' ! — but, indeed, she 
 is given too much to allicliul)' and musing : but 
 for you — well, go to. 
 
 I -^S ] 
 
Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, 
 there 's money for thee ; let me have thy voice 
 in my behalf : if thou see'st her before me, 
 commend me. 
 
 Quick. Will 1 ? i' faith, that we will ; and I 
 will tell your worship more of the wart the next 
 time we have confidence, and of other wooers. 
 
 Fent. Well, farewell, I am in great haste now. 
 
 {Exit. 
 
 Quick. Farewell to your worship.— Truly, an 
 honest gentleman : but Anne loves him not ; 
 for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. 
 — Out upon 't ! what have I forgot ? \Exit . 
 
 [ 29 ] 
 
Scene 
 
 I. — Before 
 
 House. 
 
 ^^:-55%? 
 
 Page 1 
 
 Enter Mistress Page zoith a letter. 
 
 Mn. Page. 
 HAT, ha\e I scaped love-letters in 
 the holiday-time of my beauty, and 
 aiu I now a subject for them ? Let 
 nie see. [AViZi/j. 'Ask me no reason 
 why I lo\'e you ; for though Love use 
 Reason for his inecisian, he admits him 
 not tor his counsellor. You are not 
 young, no more am I ; go to then, 
 there 's s)'m[)athy ; )ou are merry, so am 
 I ; ha, ha ; then, there 's more sympathy ; 
 you love sack, and so do I ; would )ou 
 desire better sympathy ? Let it suffice 
 thee. Mistress Page, — at the least, if the 
 lo\'e of a soldier can suffice, — that I 
 love thee. I will not say, pity me, — 
 'tis not a soldier-like phrase ; but I say, 
 love me. Ky me, 
 
 Thine own true knight. 
 
 By day or night, 
 
 Or any kind of light. 
 
 With all his might 
 
 I'or thee to fight, John Falstaff.' 
 
 [ 3° 
 
i 
 
 
 ■»«■ ^'^. 
 
 //. i' 
 
 
 
 Zi* 
 
 « f 
 
 .,<&. 
 
 VJ 
 
What a Herod of Jewry is this?— O wicked, 
 wicked world ! — one that is well nigh worn to 
 pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant ! 
 What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish 
 drunkard picked, with the devil's name, out of 
 my conversation, that he dares in this manner 
 assay me ? Why, he hath not been thrice in my 
 company. — What should I say to him ? — I was 
 then frugal of my mirth : — Heaven forgive me ! 
 — AVhy, I '11 exhibit a bill in the parliament for 
 the putting down of fat men. How shall I be 
 revenged on him ? for revenged I will be, as 
 sure as his guts are made of puddings. 
 
 Enter Mistress Ford. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page ! trust me, I was 
 going to your house. 
 
 Airs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to 
 you. You look very ill. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Nay, I '11 ne'er believe that ; I 
 have to show to the contrary. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Faith, but you do, in my mind. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then ; yet, I say, I 
 could show you to the contrary. O Mistress 
 Page, give me some counsel. 
 
 Mrs. Page. What 's the matter, woman ? 
 
 Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one 
 trifling respect, I could come to such honour ! 
 
 Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman ; take the 
 honour. What is it? — dispense with trifles; — 
 what is it ? 
 
 Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an 
 eternal moment or so, I could be knighted. 
 
 Mrs. Page. What ? —thou liest. — Sir Alice 
 Ford ! — These knights will hack ; and so, thou 
 shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. We burn dayhght : — here, read, 
 
 [ 31 ] 
 
read; — perceive how I might be knighted. ^I 
 shall think the worst of fat men, as long as I 
 have an eve to make difference of men's liking ; 
 and yet he would not swear ; praised women's 
 modesty ; and gave such orderly and well- 
 behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would 
 have sworn his disposition would have gone to 
 the truth of his words ; but they do no more 
 adhere and kee,i place together, than the 
 Hundredth Psalm to the tune of ' Creen 
 Sleeves,' What tem[iest, I trow, threw this 
 whale, with so many tuns of oil in his bell)', 
 ashore at \\'indsor ? How shall I be revenged 
 on him ? I think, the best way were to entertain 
 him with hope, till the w.cked fire of lust have 
 melted him in his own grease. — Did you ever 
 hear the like ? 
 
 J\frs. I-'dxe. Letter for letter, but that the name 
 of Page and Ford diflers ! — To thy great comfort 
 in this mystery of ill opinions, here 's the twin- 
 brother of thy letter; but let thine inherit first; 
 for, I protest, mine nc\-er shall. I warrant, he 
 hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank 
 s[:ace for different names, — sure more — and 
 these are of the second edition. He will print 
 them, out of doubt ; for he cares not what he- 
 puts into the press, when he would put us two : 
 I had rather be a giantess, and lie under Mount 
 Pelion. \\'ell, I will find you twenty lascivious 
 turtles, ere one chaste man. 
 
 J/rs. Ford. \Vhy, this is the very same ; the 
 \"ery hand, the ver)' words. What doth he think 
 of us? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Na)', I know not : it makes me 
 almost ready to wrangle with mine own honest)-. 
 I 'II entertain myself like one that I am no; 
 acfjuainted withal ; for sure, unless he know- some 
 
 L 
 
strain in me that I know not myself, he would 
 never have boarded me in this fury. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it ? I '11 be sure 
 to keep him above deck. 
 
 Mrs. Page. So will I : if he come under my 
 hatches, I '11 never to sea again. Let 's be 
 revenged on him ; let 's appoint him a meeting ; 
 give him a show of comfort in his suit ; and 
 lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath 
 pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any 
 villainy against him that may not sully the 
 chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband 
 saw this letter ! it would give eternal food to his 
 jealousy. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes ; and 
 my good man too : he's as far from jealousy, as 
 I am from giving him cause ; and that, I hope, 
 is an unmeasurable distance. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Let 's consult together against 
 this greasy knight. Come hither. \They retire. 
 
 Enter Ford, Pistol, Page, and Nym. 
 
 Ford. Well, I hope, it be not so. 
 Pist. Hope is a curtail dog in some affairs : 
 Sir John affects thy wife. 
 
 Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. 
 Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich 
 and poor. 
 Both young and old, one with another. Ford. 
 He loves the gally-mawfry -. Ford, perpend. 
 Ford. Love my wife ? 
 
 Pist. With liver burning hot ; prevent or go 
 thou. 
 Like Sir Action he, with Ringwcod at thy 
 heels : — 
 
 L 33 1 D 
 
O, odious is the name. 
 Ford. What name, sir ? 
 Pist. The horn, I say. Farewell : 
 Take heed ; have open eye ; for thieves do foot 
 
 by night : 
 Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds 
 
 do sing. — 
 .\way, Sir Corporal Nym ; — 
 Believe it. Page, he speaks sense. \_Exit. 
 
 Ford. \Asidc?^ I will be patient ; I will find 
 out this, 
 
 Nym. 'yTo Page.] And this is true ; I like 
 not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me 
 in some humours : I should have borne the 
 humoured letter to her ; but I have a sword, 
 and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves 
 your wife ; there 's the short and the long. My 
 name is Corporal Nym : I speak, and I avouch 
 't is true : — my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves 
 your wife. — Adieu. I love not the humour of 
 bread and cheese ; and there 's the humour of 
 it. Adieu, \_Exit. 
 
 Page. ^Aside^ ' The humour of it,' quoth 
 'a! here's a fellow frights humour out of his 
 wits. 
 
 Ford. {Aside.'] I will seek out Falstaff, 
 
 Page. [Aside.] I never heard such a drawling, 
 affecting rogue. 
 
 Ford. [Aside.] If I do find it :— well, 
 
 PiiL^'^e. [Aside.] I will not believe such a Cataian, 
 though the priest o' the town coQimended him 
 for a true man. 
 
 Ford. [.Isi./e.] 'T was a g)od sensible fellow : 
 
 well. 
 
 Pa^je. How now, Meg ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George ?— Hark 
 you. 
 
 [ 34 ] 
 
Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank ? why art 
 thou melancholy ? 
 
 Ford. I melancholy ! I am not melancholy. — 
 Get you home, go. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. 'Faith thou hast some crotchets in 
 thy head now. — Will you go, Mistress Page ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Have with you. — You'll come to 
 dinner, Gtoxgtl—^Aside to Mrs. Ford.] Look, 
 who comes yonder : she shall be our messenger 
 to this paltry knight. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her : she 'II 
 fit it. 
 
 Enter Mistress Quickly. 
 
 Mrs. Page . You are come to see my daughter 
 Anne ? 
 
 Quick. Ay, forsooth ; and, I pray, how does 
 good Mistress Anne ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Go in with us, and see; we have 
 an hour's talk with you. 
 
 [E.xeunt Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and 
 Mrs. Quickly. 
 
 Page. How now, Master Ford ? 
 
 Ford. You heard what this knave told me, did 
 you not ? 
 
 Page. Yes ; and you heard what the other told 
 me. 
 
 Ford. Do you think there is truth in them ? 
 
 Page. Hang 'em slaves ; I do not think the 
 knight would offer it : but these that accuse him, 
 in his intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his 
 discarded men ; very rogues, now they be out 
 of service. 
 
 Ford. Were they his men ? 
 
 Page. Marry, were they. 
 
 Ford. I like it never the better for that. — Docs 
 he lie at the Garter ? 
 
 [ 35 ] 
 
J^o^e. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend 
 this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her 
 loose to him ; and what he gets more of her 
 than sharp words, let it he on my head. 
 
 Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife, but I would 
 be loath to turn them together. A man may be 
 too confident ; I would have nothing lie on my 
 head ; I cannot be thus satisfied. 
 
 P.iS^. Look, where my ranting host of the 
 Garter comes. There is either liquor in his 
 pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so 
 merrily. — 
 
 Enter Host. 
 
 How now, mine host ? 
 
 Hoit. How now, bull) -rook ! thou 'rt a gentle- 
 man. — Cavalero-justice, I say, — 
 
 Enter Shallow. 
 
 Shal. I follow, ninie host, I follow.— Good- 
 even and twenty, Good Master Page. Master 
 Page, will you go with us? we ha\e spoit in 
 hand. 
 
 Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice ; tell him, 
 buUy-r&ok. 
 
 Shal. Sir, there is a tiay to be fought between 
 Sir Hugh the AW-lsh ]iricst and Caius the French 
 doctor. 
 
 Ford. Good ninie liost o' the Garter, a word 
 with j'ou. 
 
 Jlost. AN'hat say'st thou, my bully-rook ? 
 
 YThty i;o aside. 
 
 S/ial. {To Pac.]:.] Will )ou go with us to 
 behold it? My merry host hath had the 
 measuring of their weapons, and, I think, hath 
 a['i ointed them contrary jilaccs ; for, believe 
 
 [ 36 ] 
 
me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will 
 tell you what our sport shall be. 
 
 Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, 
 my guest-cavalier ? 
 
 Ford. None, I protest : but I '11 give you a 
 pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him 
 and tell him my name is Brook, only for a jest. 
 
 Host. My hand, bully : thou shalt have egress 
 and regress ; said I well ? and thy name shall 
 be Brook. It is a merry knight.— Will you go, 
 Anheires ? 
 
 Shal. Have with you, mine host. 
 
 Page. I have heard the Frenchman hath good 
 skill in his rapier. 
 
 Shal. Tut, sir ! I could have told you more : 
 in these times you stand on distance, your 
 passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what : 't is 
 the heart, Master Page ; 't is here, 't is here. I 
 have seen the time, with my long sword, I would 
 have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. 
 
 Host. Here, boys, here, here ! shall we wag ? 
 
 Page. Have with you. — I had rather hear them 
 scold than fight. 
 
 YE.xeiint Host, Sh.\llow, and Page. 
 
 Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and 
 stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I 
 cannot put off my opinion so easily. She was 
 in his company at Page's house, and what they 
 made there, I know not. ^Vell, I will look 
 farther into 't ; and I have a disguise to sound 
 Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my 
 labour ; if she be otherwise, 't is labour well 
 bestowed. \^E.xit. 
 
 ■'-'fT^ 
 
 [ 37 
 
Scene \l.—A Room in the 
 Garter Inn. 
 
 Enter Falstaff and Pistol, 
 
 Fill. I will not lend thee a penny. 
 
 Pist. Why, then the world 's mine oyster, which 
 I with sword will open. I will retort the sum 
 in equipage. 
 
 Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, 
 you should lay my countenance to pawn : 1 
 have grated upon my good friends for three 
 reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym ; 
 or else you had looked through the grate, like a 
 geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell for 
 swearing to gentlemen, my friends, you were 
 good soldiers, and tall fellows ; and when 
 Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, 1 
 took 't upon mine honour thou hadst it not. 
 
 Pist. Didst thou not ^harc ? hadst thou not 
 fifteen pence ? 
 
 Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason : thiiik'st thou 
 1 '11 endanger my soul gratis ? At a word, hang 
 110 more about me, I am no gibbet for you : — 
 go ; — a short knife and a throng : — to your 
 manor of Pickt-hatch, go. — You '11 not bear a 
 letter for me, you rogue 1 — you stand upon your 
 honour! — Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it 
 is as much as 1 can do, to keep the terms of my 
 honour precise ; I, I, I ni) self sometimes, leaving 
 the fear of Heaven on the left hand, and hiding 
 mine honour in my necessity, am tain to shufRe, 
 to hedge, and to lurch ; and ) et you, rogue, will 
 ensconce your rags, your cata-mountain looks, 
 your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating 
 oaths, under the shelter of your honour ! You 
 will not do It, you ? 
 
 [ 38 ] 
 
Pisi. I do relent : what wouldst thou more of 
 man ? 
 
 Enter Robin. 
 
 Rob. Sir, here 's a woman would speak with 
 you. 
 
 Fal. Let her approach. 
 
 Enter Mistress Quickly. 
 
 Quick. Give your worship good morrow. 
 
 Fal. Good morrow, good wife. 
 
 Quick. Not so, an 't please your worship. 
 
 Fa/. Good maid, then. 
 
 Quick. I '11 be sworn ; as my mother was, the 
 first hour I was born. 
 
 Fal. I do believe the swearer. What with 
 me ? 
 
 Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worshi[i a word 
 or two ? 
 
 Fal. Two thousand, fair woman : and I '11 
 vouchsafe thee the hearing. 
 
 Quick. There is one Mistress Ford, sir : — I 
 pray, come a little nearer this ways : — I myself 
 dwell with Master Doctor Caius. 
 
 Fal. Well, on : Mistress Ford you say, — 
 
 Quick. Your worship says very true : — I pray 
 your worship, come a little nearer this ways. 
 
 Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears : mine own 
 people, mine own people. 
 
 Quick. Are they so ? Heaven bless them, and 
 make them His servants. 
 
 Fal. Well : Mistress Ford ;— what of her ? 
 
 Quick. Why, sir, she 's a good creature. Lord, 
 Lord ! your worship 's a wanton ! well. Heaven 
 forgive you, and all of us, I pray ! 
 
 Fal. Mistress Ford ; — come. Mistress Ford, — 
 
 Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long 
 of it. You have brought her into such a 
 
 [ 39 ] 
 

 canaries, as 't is wonderful. The best courtier 
 of them all, when the court lay at ^Vindsor, 
 could never have brought her to such a canary. 
 Yet there has been knights, and lords, and 
 gentlemen, with their coaches ; I warrant you, 
 coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after 
 gift; smelling so sweetly, — all musk, — and so 
 rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold ; and in 
 such alligant terms ; and in such wine and sugar 
 of the best, and the fairest, that would have won 
 ail)" woman's heart, and, I warrant you, they 
 could never^ get an eye-wink of her. — I had 
 myself twenty angels given me this morning ; 
 but I defy all angels, — in any such sort, as they 
 say — but in the way of honesty ; — and, I warrant 
 you, they could never get her so much as sip on 
 a cup with the proudest of them all ; and yet 
 there has been earls, na}', which is more, 
 pensioners ; but, I warrant you, all is one with 
 her. 
 
 Fal. But what says she to me ? be brief, my 
 good she-Mercury. 
 
 Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter ; 
 for the which she thanks you a thousand times ; 
 and she gives )'ou to notify, that her husband 
 will be absence t'rom his house between ten and 
 eleven. 
 
 Fal. Ten and eleven. 
 
 Quick. Ay, forsooth ; and then you may come 
 and see the picture, she says, that you wot of; 
 Master Ford, her husband, will be from home. 
 Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with 
 him ! he 's a very jealousy man ; she leads a very 
 frampold life with him, good heart. 
 
 Fal. Ten and eleven ;— woman, commend me 
 to her ; I will not fail her. 
 
 Quick. Why, you say well. But I have another 
 
 L 40 ] 
 
messenger to your worship. Mistress Page hath 
 her hearty commendations to you too ; — and let 
 me tell you in your ear, she 's as fartuous a civil 
 modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not 
 miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is 
 in Windsor, whoe'er be the other : — and she 
 bade me tell your worship, that her husband is 
 seldom from home ; but she hopes there will 
 come a time. I never knew a woman so dote 
 upon a man : surely, I think you have charms, 
 1^ ; yes, in truth. 
 
 Fal. Not I, I assure thee ; setting the attrac- 
 tion of my good parts aside, I have no other 
 charms. 
 
 Quick. Blessing on your heart for 't ! 
 
 Fa!. But, I pray thee, tell me this, — has Ford's 
 wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other 
 how they love me ? 
 
 Quick. That were a jest, indeed ! — they have 
 not so little grace, I hope : — that were a trick, 
 indeed ! — But Mistress Page would desire you 
 to send her your little page, of all loves : her 
 husband has a marvellous infection to the little 
 page ; and, truly. Master Page is an honest man. 
 Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than 
 she does : do what she will, say what she will, 
 take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise 
 when she list, all is as she will : and, truly, she 
 deserves it ; for if there be a kind woman in 
 Windsor, she is one. You must send her your 
 page ; no remedy. 
 
 Fal. Why, I will. 
 
 Quick. Nay, but do so, then : and, look you, 
 he may come and go between you both ; and, 
 in any case, have a nay-word, that you may know 
 one another's mind, and the boy never need to 
 understand anything ; for 't is not good that 
 
 L 4' ] 
 
/^ 
 
 children should know any wickedness ; old 
 folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, 
 and know the world. 
 
 Fal. Fare thee well : commend me to them 
 both. There 's my purse ; I am yet thy debtor. 
 — -f^oyi go along with this woman. [Exeunt 
 Mistress Quickly and Robin.]— This news 
 distracts me. 
 
 Pist. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers. — 
 Clap on more sails ; pursue ; up with your 
 
 fights ; 
 Give fire ! She is my prize, or ocean whelm 
 them all ! [Exit. 
 
 Eal. Sayest thou so, old Jack ? Go thy ways ; 
 I '11 make more of thy body than I have done. 
 Will they yet look after thee ? Wilt thou, after 
 the expense of so much money, be now a 
 gainer? Good body, I thank thee : let them 
 say, 't is grossly done ; so it be fairly done, no 
 matter. 
 
 Enter BARDOLPii zvith a cup of sack. 
 
 Bard. Sir John, there's one Master Brook 
 below would lain speak with you, and be 
 acquainted with you ; and hath sent your wor- 
 ship a morning's draught of sack. 
 
 Fal. Brook is his name? 
 
 Bard. .\y, sir. 
 
 Fal. Call him in. [Exit Bardoiph.] Such 
 Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such 
 liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress 
 Page, have I encompassed )"ou ? go to ; via! 
 
 Re-enter BARiJOLni, xvith Ford 
 
 disguised. 
 
 Ford. Bless you, sir. 
 
 Fat. And _\'ou, sir : would you s[ieak with me ? 
 
 [ 42 ] 
 
Ford. I make bold to press with so little pre- 
 paration upon you. 
 
 Fal. You're welcome. What's your will?— 
 Give us leave, drawer. \Exit Bardolph. 
 
 Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that hath spent 
 much : my name is Brook. 
 
 Fal. Good Master Brook, I desire more 
 acquaintance of you. 
 
 Ford. Good Sir John, I sue for yours ; not to 
 charge you ; for I must let you understand I 
 think myself in better plight for a lender than 
 you are ; the which hath something emboldened 
 me to this unseasoned intrusion ; for they say, 
 if money go before, all ways do lie open. 
 
 Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and 
 will on. 
 
 Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here 
 troubles me : if you will help to bear it. Sir John, 
 take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. 
 
 Fal. Sir, I know not how 1 may deserve to be 
 your porter. 
 
 Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me 
 the hearing. 
 
 Fal. Speak, good Master Brook : I shall be 
 glad to be your servant. 
 
 Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar, — I will be 
 brief with you ; — and you have been a man long 
 known to me, though I had never so good means 
 as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. 
 I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must 
 very much lay open mine own imperfection : 
 but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon 
 my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn 
 another into the register of your own ; that I 
 may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you 
 yourself know how easy it is to be such an 
 offender. 
 
 L 43 ] 
 
Fal. Very well, sir ; proceed. 
 
 Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, 
 her husband's name is Ford. 
 
 Fal. Well, sir. 
 
 Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to 
 you, bestowed much on her ; followed her with 
 a doting observance ; engrossed opportunities to 
 meet her ; fee'd every slight occasion, that could 
 but niggardly give me sight of her ; not only 
 bought many presents to give her, but have 
 given largely to many, to know what she would 
 have given ; briefly, I have pursued her, as love 
 hath pursued me ; which hath been, on the 
 wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have 
 merited, either in niy mind, or in my means, 
 meed, I am sure, I have received none, unless 
 e-xperience be a jewel ; that I have [purchased at 
 an infmite rate, and that hath taught me to 
 say this : 
 
 Love like a shadow flies when substance love 
 
 pursues ; 
 Fursuiiit; that (hat flies, and flying 'what 
 
 pursues. 
 
 Fal. Have you received no promise of satis- 
 faction at her hands? 
 
 Ford. Never. 
 
 Fal. Have you importuned her to such a 
 purpose ? 
 
 Ford. Never. 
 
 Fal . Of what quality was your love then ? 
 
 Ford. Like a fair house built u[)on another 
 man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice by 
 mistaking the place where I erected it. 
 
 Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this 
 to me ? 
 
 [ 44 ] 
 
Ford. When I have told you that, I have 
 told you all. Some say, that though she apjjear 
 lionest to me, yet, in other places she enlargeth 
 her mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction 
 made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart 
 of my purpose : you are a gentleman of excellent 
 breeding, admirable discourse, of great admit- 
 tance, authentic in your place and person, 
 generally allowed for your many war-like, court- 
 like, and learned preparations, — 
 Fal. O, sir ! 
 
 Ford. Believe it, for you know it. — There is 
 money ; spend it, spend it ; spend more ; spend 
 all I have, only give me so much of your time 
 in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege 
 to the honesty of this Ford's wife : use 
 your art of wooing; win her to consent to 
 you ; if any man may, you may as soon as 
 any. 
 
 Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency 
 of your affection, that I should win what you 
 would enjoy. Methinks you prescribe to your- 
 self very preposterously. 
 
 Ford. O, understand my drift. She dwells 
 so securely on the excellency of her honour, 
 that the folly of my soul dares not present 
 itself: she is too bright to be looked against. 
 Now, could I come to her with any detection 
 in my hand, my desires had instance and 
 argument to commend themselves ; I could 
 drive her then from the ward of her purity, her 
 reputation, her marnage-vow, and a thousand 
 other her defences, which now are too strongly 
 embattled against me. What say you to 't. Sir 
 John? 
 
 Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with 
 your money ; next, give me your hand ; and 
 
 [ 45 ] 
 
last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, 
 enjoy Ford's wife. 
 
 Ford. O good sir ! 
 
 Fal. I say you shall. 
 
 Ford. Want no money. Sir John ; ) ou shall 
 want none. 
 
 Fal. \Vant no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; 
 you shall want none. I shall be with her — I 
 may tell you — by her own appointment ; even 
 as you came in to me, her assistant, or go- 
 between, parted from me ; I say, I shall be 
 with her between ten and eleven ; for at that 
 time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will 
 be toi til. Come you to me at night ; you 
 shall know how I speed. 
 
 Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do 
 you know Furd, sir ? 
 
 Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave. I 
 know him not. — Yet I wrong him, to call him 
 pour ; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath 
 masses of money ; for the which his wife seems 
 to me well-favoured. I will use her as the key 
 of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer ; and there 's my 
 harxest home. 
 
 Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir, that you 
 might avoid him if you saw him. 
 
 Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue ! 
 I will stare him out of his wits ; I will awe him 
 with my cudgel, — it shall hang like a meteor 
 o'er the cuckold's horns. Master Brook, thou 
 shalt know I will predominate over the peasant, 
 and thou shalt lie with his wife.— Come to me 
 soon at night.— Ford's a knave, and I will 
 aggravate his style ; thou. Master Brook, shalt 
 know him for a knave and cuckold : — come to 
 me soon at night. \^Extf. 
 
 Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is 
 
 [ 46 J 
 
this! — My heart is ready to crack with im- 
 patience. — Who says, this is improvident 
 jealousy? my w)fe hath sent to him, the hour 
 is fixed, the match is made. Would any man 
 have thought this? — See the hell of having a 
 false woman ! my bed shall be abused, my 
 coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at ; 
 and I shall not only receive this villainous 
 wrong, but stand under the adoption of abomin- 
 able terms, and by him that does me this 
 wrong. Terms ! names ! — Amaimon sounds 
 well ; Lucifer, well ; Barbason, well ; yet they 
 are devils' additions, the names of fiends : but 
 cuckold! wittol-cuckold ! the devil himself hath 
 not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass ; 
 he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous, I 
 will rather trust a Fleming with my butter. 
 Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an 
 Irishman with my aqua-vitre bottle, or a thief 
 to walk my ambhng gelding, than my wife with 
 herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, 
 then she devises: and what they think in their 
 hearts they may effect, they will break their 
 hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised 
 for my jealousy! — Eleven o'clock the hour: I 
 will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged 
 on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it ; 
 bs-ter three hours too soon, than a minute too 
 late. Fie, fie, fie ! cuckold ! cuckold ! cuckold ! 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Scene III. — Windsor Park. 
 
 Enter Caius and Rugbv. 
 
 Caius. Jack Rugby ! 
 
 Rug. Sir. 
 
 Caius. Vat is de clock. Jack ? 
 
 [ 47 ] 
 
 ^o^W^ 
 
-;.j.io: 
 
 Bug. 'T is past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugli 
 promised to meet. 
 
 Cains. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is 
 no come : he has pray his I'lble veil, dat he is 
 no come. By gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead 
 already, if he be come. 
 
 Jiug. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship 
 would kill him, if he came. 
 
 Cains. By gar, de herring is no dead so as I 
 vill kill him. Take your rajjier, Jack ; I vill tell 
 you how I vill kill him. 
 
 J<ug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence, 
 
 Caius. Villainy, take vour rapier. 
 
 J\i'g. Forbear ; here's comjiany. 
 
 Enter Hoit., Shallow, Slender, and 
 Page. 
 
 Host. Bless thee, bully doctor. 
 
 Shal. Sa\-e you. Master Doctor Caius. 
 
 Page. Now, good master doctor ! 
 
 Slen. Give you good morrow^ sir. 
 
 Caius. \'at be all you, one, two, tree, four, 
 come for? 
 
 Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to 
 see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee 
 there ; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, 
 thy reverse, thy distance, thy montrlnt. Is he 
 dead, my Ethiopian ? is he dead, my Francisco ? 
 ha, bully ! \\'hat sa)s my ,4Csculapius ? my 
 Galen ? my heart of elder ? ha ! is he dead, 
 bully Stale ? is he dead ? 
 
 Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest 
 of de varld ; he is not show his face. 
 
 Host. Thou art a Castilian, King Urinal! 
 Hector of Greece, my boy ! 
 
 [ 48 
 
Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have 
 stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and 
 he is no come. 
 
 Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor ; 
 he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of 
 bodies ; if you should fight, you go against the 
 hair of your professions. — Is it not true, Master 
 Page ? 
 
 Page. Master Shallow, )'ou have yoursel f been 
 a great fighter, though now a man of peace. 
 
 Shal. Bodykins, Master Page, though I now 
 be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, 
 my finger itches to make one. Though we are 
 justices, and doctors, and churchmen. Master 
 Page, we have some salt of our youth in us ; we 
 are the sons of women. Master Page. 
 
 Page. 'T is true. Master Shallow. 
 
 Shal. It will be found so. Master Page. — 
 Master Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you 
 home. I am sworn of the peace : you have 
 showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir 
 Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient 
 churchman. You must go with me, master 
 doctor. 
 
 Host. Pardon, guest-justice : — a word, Mon- 
 sieur Mock-water. 
 
 Caius. Mock-vater ! vat is dat ? 
 
 Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is 
 valour, bully. 
 
 Caius. By gar, then I have as much mock- 
 vater as de Englishman. — Scurvy jack-dog 
 priest ! by gar, me vill cut his ears. 
 
 Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. 
 
 Caius. Clapper-de-claw ! vat is dat ? 
 
 Host. That is, he will make thee amends. 
 
 Caius. By gar, me do look, he shall clapper- 
 de-claw me ; for, by gar, me vill have it. 
 
 [ 49 ] E 
 

 Host. And I will provoke him to 't, or let him 
 
 wag. 
 Caius. Me tank you for dat. 
 Host. And moreover, bully, — but first, master 
 guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavalero 
 Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. 
 
 \Aside to them. 
 Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he ? 
 Host. He is there : see what humour he is 
 in, and I will bring the doctor about by the 
 fields. Will it do well ? 
 Shal. We will do it. 
 
 Page, S/iaL, and Slen. Adieu, good master 
 doctor. 
 
 \_Exeunt P.\GE, Shallow, and Slender. 
 Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest, for he 
 speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. 
 
 Host. Let him die ; but first sheathe thy 
 impatience ; throw cold water on thy choler. 
 Go about the fields with me through Frog- 
 more ; I will bring thee where Mistress Anne 
 Page is, at a farmhouse a-feasting, and thou 
 shalt woo her. Cried game, said I well ? 
 
 Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat ; by gar, 
 I love you ; and I shall procure-a you de good 
 guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, 
 my patients. 
 
 Host. For the which I will be thy adversary 
 towards Anne Page. Said I well ? 
 Caius. By gar, 't is good ; veil said. 
 Host. Let us wag, then. 
 Caius. Come at my heels. Jack Rugby. 
 
 \^E.^eunt. 
 
 r 50 1 
 
@c^ iiu 
 
 Scene I. — ^ F/e/cJ near 
 Frogmore. 
 
 Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple. 
 
 Evans. 
 ^RAY you now, good Master Slender's 
 serving man, and friend Simple by your 
 name, which way have you looked for 
 Master Caius, that calls himself Doctor 
 of Physic? 
 
 Sim. ]Marry, sir, the City-ward, the 
 Park-ward, every way ; old Windsor 
 way, and every way but the town way. 
 
 Evans. I most fehemently desire you, 
 you will also look that way. 
 
 Sim. I will, sir. \_Refi>-i?tg. 
 
 Evans. Pless my soul ! how full of 
 
 cholers I am, and trempling of mind ! — 
 
 I shall be glad if he have deceived 
 
 me. — How melancholies I am ! — I will knog his 
 
 urinals about his knave's costard, when I have 
 
 «-^ 
 
 [ SI ] 
 
 £ 2 
 
good opportunities for the 'urk : — plcss my 
 soul ! [Si/igs. 
 
 To sliallwiu rivers, to whose falls 
 Melodious birds sing madrigals ; 
 There will ive make our peds of roses, 
 And a thousand fragrant posies. 
 To shallow — 
 
 Mercy on me ! I have a great dispositions to 
 cr)-. 
 
 Melodious birds sing madrigals ; — 
 llhen as I sat in Fabvlon, — 
 
 And a thousand vas^ram posies. 
 
 To shallow — 
 
 Sim. \_Comlng fortoardi] ^"onder he is com- 
 ing, this \va), Sir Hugh. 
 
 Evans. He's welcome. — 
 
 To shallow rivers, to whose falls — 
 Heaven prosper the right ! — \\'hat weapons is 
 he? 
 
 Sim. No weapons, sir. There comes my 
 master, Master Shallow, and another gentle- 
 man, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. 
 
 Evans. Pray you, gi\e me ni)- go^vn ; or else 
 keep it m your arms. [Reads in a book. 
 
 ^^^^fVXM-' Entii- Page, Shallow, awrt' Slender. 
 
 Shal. How now, master parson ? Good mor- 
 row, good Sir Hugh. Keeji a gamester from 
 the dice, and a good student t'rom his book, 
 and it is wonderful. 
 
 Skn. \_^lsldei\ Ah, sweet Anne Page ! 
 
 Page. Save you, good Sir Hugh. 
 
 Evans}-Y\fi'i you from His mere) sake, all 
 of you ! 
 
 Shal. \\'hat, the sword and the word ? do 
 you study them both, master jiarson ? 
 
 [ 5^ ] 
 
Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and 
 hose this raw rheumatic day ! 
 
 Evans. There is reasons and causes for it. 
 
 Page. We are come to you to do a good 
 olifice, master parson. 
 
 Evans. Fery well : what is it ? 
 
 Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman 
 who, belike, having received wrong by some 
 person, is at most odds with his own gravity and 
 patience that ever you saw. 
 
 Shal. I have lived fourscore years, and up- 
 ward ; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, 
 and learning, so wide of his own respect. 
 
 Evans. 'What is he ? 
 
 Page. I think you know him ; Master Doctor 
 Caius, the renowned French physician. 
 
 Evans. Got's will, and his passion of my 
 heart ! I had as lief you would tell me of a 
 mess of porridge. 
 
 Page. Why? 
 
 Evans. He has no more knowledge in Hibbo- 
 crates and Galen, — and he is a knave besides ; 
 a cowardly knave, as you would desires to be 
 acquainted withal. 
 
 Page. I warrant you, he's the man should 
 fight with him. 
 
 Slen. [Aside.] O, sweet Anne Page ! 
 
 Shal. It appears so, by his weapons. — Keep 
 them asunder : — here comes Doctor Caius. 
 
 Enter Host, C.\ius, and Rugby. 
 
 Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your 
 weapon. 
 
 Slial. So do you, good master doctor. 
 
 Host. Disarm them, and let them question : 
 let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our 
 English. 
 
 .iW^ife--: 
 
Cains. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit 
 your ear; verefore vill you not meet-a me ? 
 
 Evansl'^xdi.y you, use your patience : in good 
 time. 
 
 Cains. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack 
 dog, Jolin ape. 
 
 Evans. Pray you, let us not be Liughing- 
 stogs to other men's humours ; I desire you in 
 friendship, and I will one way or other make 
 )ou amends. I will knog your urinals about 
 your knave's cogscomb for missing your meet- 
 ings and appointments. 
 
 Caius. Diahle I Jack Rugby, — mine host de 
 'yarterre, have I not stay for him to kill him ? 
 have I not, at de place I did appoint ? 
 
 Evans. As I am a Christians soul, now, look 
 you, this is the place appointed. I'll be judg- 
 ment by mine host of the Garter. 
 
 Host. Peace, I say ! Gallia and Guallia, 
 French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer. 
 
 Caius. Ay, dat is very good ; excellent. 
 
 Host. Peace, I say ! hear mine host of the 
 Garter. Am I politic ? am I subtle } am I a 
 Machiavel ? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he 
 gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I 
 lose my parson ? my priest ? my Sir Hugh ? no 
 he gives me the proverbs and the noverbs. — 
 Give me thy hand, terrestrial ; so. — Give me 
 thy hand, celestial ; so. — Boys of art, I have 
 deceived you both ; I have directed you to 
 wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your 
 skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the 
 issue. — Come, lay their swords to pawn. — 
 P'ollow me, lads of peace ; follow, follow, 
 follow. 
 
 Shal. Trust me, a mad host. — Follow, gentle- 
 men, follow. 
 
 [ 54 
 
Slert. [Aside.] O, sweet Anne Page ! 
 
 [Exeuni Shallow, Slender, Page, 
 
 and Host. 
 
 Caius. Ha ! do I perceive dat ? have you 
 make-a de sot of us ? ha, ha ! 
 
 Evans. This is well ; he has made us his 
 viouting-stog. — I desire you, that we may be 
 friends, and let us Icnog our prains together to 
 be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging 
 companion, the host of the Garter. 
 
 Caius. By gar, vit all my heart. He promise 
 to bring me vere is Anne Page : by gar, he 
 deceive me too. 
 
 Evans. Well, I will smite his noddles — Pra 
 you, follow. [Exeunt. 
 
)CENE li,—-A Street in 
 fFi?jdsor. 
 
 Enter Mistress Page and Robin. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gal- 
 lant : you were wont to be a follower, but now 
 you are a leader. Whether had you rather, lead 
 mine eyes, or eye your master's heels ? 
 
 Jiol'. I had rather, forsooth, go before you 
 fe=i-^- like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. 
 
 Mrs. Page. O ! you are a flattering boy ; now, 
 1 see, you'll be a courtier. 
 
 Enter Ford. 
 
 Ford. AA'ell met, I\Iistress Page. Whither go 
 you ? 
 
 Mrs. Poge. Truly, sir, to see your wife ; is 
 she at home ? 
 
 Poj-d. Ay ; and as idle as she may hang to- 
 gether, for want of company. I think, ifyom 
 husbands were dead, you two would marry. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Be sure of that, — two other 
 husbands. 
 
 Ford. Where had you this pretty weather- 
 cock ? 
 
 Afrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his 
 name is my husband had him of. — What do you 
 call your knight's name, sirrah ? 
 
 Pob. Sir John Falstaff. 
 
 Ford. Sir John Falstaff ! 
 
 Mrs. Page. He, he ; I can never hit on 's 
 name. — There is such a league between my 
 good man and he ! Is your wife at home 
 indeed. 
 
 Ford. Indeed, she is. 
 
 Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir : I am sick, til! 
 I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. Pace a/id Robin. 
 
 s(> 
 
Ford. Has Page any brains ? hath he any 
 eyes ? hath he any thinking ? Sure, they sleep ; 
 he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will 
 carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon 
 will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces 
 out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly 
 motion and advantage : and now she's going to 
 my wife, and FalstafPs boy with her. A man 
 may hear this shower sing in the wind : — and 
 FalstafPs boy with her ! — Good plots ! they are 
 laid ; and our revolted wives share damnation 
 together. Well ; I will take him, then torture 
 my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty 
 from the so seeming Mistress Page, divulge 
 Page himself for a secure and wilful Action ; 
 and to these violent proceedings all my neigh- 
 bours shall cry aim. \Clock strikes.'\ The clock 
 gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me 
 search : there I shall find Falstaff ; I shall be 
 rather praised for this than mocked ; for it is as 
 positive as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is 
 there : I will go. 
 
 Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, 
 
 Host, Sir Hugh Evans, Caius, 
 
 and Rugby. 
 
 Page, Skal., dr-c. Well met. Master Ford. 
 
 Ford. Trust me, a good knot. I have good 
 cheer at home, and I pray you all go with me. 
 
 Shal. I must excuse myself, Master Ford. 
 
 Slen. And so must I, sir : we have appointed 
 to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not 
 break with her. for more money than I '11 speak 
 of. 
 
 Shal. We have Hngered about a match be- 
 tween Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and 
 this day we shall have our answer. 
 
 L 57 ] 
 
Sleti. I hope, I have your good will, father 
 Page. 
 
 Page. You have, Master Slender; I stand 
 wholly for you : — but my wife, master doctor, is 
 for you altogether. 
 
 Caius. Ay, by gar ; and de maid is love-a me : 
 my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. 
 
 Host. What say you to young Master Fenton ? 
 he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he 
 writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April 
 and May : he will carry 't, he will carry 't ; 't is 
 in his buttons ; he will carry 't. 
 
 I'age. Not by my consent, I promise you. 
 The gentleman is of no having; he kept com- 
 pany with the wild prince and Poins ; he is of 
 too high a region ; he knows too much. No, 
 he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the 
 fmger of my substance , if he take her, let him 
 take her simply ; the wealth I have waits on my 
 consent, and my consent goes not that way. 
 
 Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you 
 go home with me to dinner : besides your cheer, 
 you shall have sjiort ; I will show you a mon- 
 ster. — Master doctor, you shall go : — so shall 
 you. Master Page, — and you, Sir Hugh. 
 
 Shal. AVell fare you well. — We shall have the 
 freer wooing at Master Page's. 
 
 \_Excunt Shallow and Slender. 
 
 Caius. Go home, John Rugby ; I come anon. 
 
 \_Exit Rugby. 
 
 Host. Farewell, my hearts. I will to my 
 honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with 
 him. {Exit. 
 
 Ford. [Aside.] I think, I shall drink in pipe- 
 wine first with him ; I'll make him dance. Will 
 you go, gentles ? 
 
 A//. Have with you, to see this monster. 
 
 [E.xeunt. 
 
 L 58 ] 
 
Scene III, A Room in 
 
 Fords House. 
 
 Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress 
 Page. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. What, John ! what, Robert ! 
 
 Mrs. Page. Quickly, quickly : — is the buck- 
 basket — ■ 
 
 Mrs. Ford. I warrant. — What, Robin, I say! 
 Enter Servants with a basket. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Come, come, come. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Here, set it down. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge ; we 
 must be brief. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John 
 and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew- 
 house ; and when I suddenly call you, come 
 forth, and, without any pause or staggering, take 
 this basket on your shoulders : that done, trudge 
 with it in all haste, and carry it among the 
 whitsters in Datchetmead, and there empty it 
 in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side. 
 
 Mrs. Page. You will do it ? 
 
 Mrs. Ford. I ha' told them over and over ; 
 they lack no direction. Be gone, and come 
 when you are called. \_Exeunt Servants. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin, 
 
 Enter Robin. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket ? what 
 news with you ? 
 
 Rob. My master. Sir John, is come in at 
 your back-door. Mistress Ford, and requests 
 your company. 
 
 Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-Lent, have you 
 been true to us ? 
 
 [ 59 
 
Rob. Ay, I '11 be sworn. My master knows 
 not of your being here, and hath threatened to 
 put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell )ou of 
 it ; for, he swears, he '11 turn me away. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Thou 'rt a good boy ; this secrecy 
 of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make 
 thee a new doublet and hose. — I'll go hide me. 
 
 J\Irs. Ford. Do so. — Go tell thy master, I am 
 alone. \_E.\it Rojun.] — Mistress Page, remem- 
 ber you your cue. 
 
 Mrs. Page. I warrant thee ; if I do not act it, 
 hiss me. {Exit. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Go to, then; we'll use this un- 
 wholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion ; 
 — we'll teach him to know turtles from jays. 
 
 Enter Falst.vff. 
 
 /;;/. Have I caught my heavenly jewel ? 
 Why, now let me die, for I have lived long 
 enough : this is the period of my ambition : O 
 this blessed hour ! 
 
 Mrs. Ford. O sweet Sir John ! 
 
 Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cop, I cannot 
 prate. Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my 
 wish— I would thy husband were dead : 111 
 speak it before the best lord, I would make thee 
 my lady. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. I your lady. Sir John ! alas, I 
 should be a pitiful lady. 
 
 /((/. Let the court of France show me such 
 another. I see how thine eye would emulate 
 the diamond: thou hast the right arched beauty 
 of the brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire- 
 \aliant, or any tire of \'enetian admittance. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. A jilain kerchief, Sir John : my 
 c."'^ brows become nothing else ; nor that well 
 neither. 
 
 r 60 
 
Fill. By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so : 
 thou wouldst make an absolute courtier ; and 
 the firm fixture of thy foot Nvould give an 
 excellent motion to thy gait, in a semi-circled 
 farthingale. I see what thou wert, if Fortune 
 thy foe were not. Nature is thy friend : come, 
 thou canst not hide it. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing 
 in me. 
 
 Fdl. What made me love thee ? let that per- 
 suade thee, there 's something extraordinary in 
 thee. Come ; I cannot cog, and say thou art 
 this and that, like a many of these lisping haw- 
 thorn-buds, that come like women in men's 
 apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple 
 time : I cannot ; but I love thee, none but thee, 
 and thou deservest it. 
 
 Afrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir. I fear, 
 you love Mistress Page. 
 
 Fal. Thou mightst as well say, I love to 
 walk by the Counter-gate, which is as hateful to 
 me as the reek of a lime-kiln. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Well, Heaven knows how I love 
 you ; and you shall one day find it. 
 
 Fal. Keep in that mind ; I '11 deserve it. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do ; 
 or else I could not be in that mind. 
 
 Rob. [ Within.] Mistress Ford ! Mistress Ford ! 
 here 's Mistress Page at the door, sweating, and 
 blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs 
 speak with you presently. 
 
 Fal. She shall not see me : I will ensconce 
 me behind the arras. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do so : she 's a very 
 tattling woman. — 
 
 [Falstaff hides himself behind the arras. 
 
 L 6i 1 
 
Enter Mistress Page and Robin. 
 What 's the matter ? how now ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. O Mistress ford ! what have you 
 done ? You 're shamed, you are overthrown, 
 you 're undone for ever. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. What 's the matter, good Mistress 
 Page? 
 
 Mrs. Page. O well-a-day. Mistress Ford ! 
 havung an honest man to your husband, to 
 give him such cause of suspicion ! 
 
 Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion? 
 
 Mrs. Page. What cause of suspicion ! — Out 
 upon you ! how am I mistook in you ! 
 
 Mrs. Ford. A\' hy, alas, what 's the matter ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Your husband 's coming hither, 
 woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to 
 search for a gentleman, that, he says, is here 
 now in the house, by your consent, to take an 
 ill advantage of his absence : you are undone. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Speak louder. — [.Lv'i/f.] 'T is not 
 so, I hope. 
 
 [ 62 ] 
 
Mrs. Page. Pray Heaven it be not so, that 
 you have such a man here ! but 't is most cer- 
 tain your husband 's coming, with half Windsor 
 at his heels, to search for such a one : I come 
 before to tell you. If you know yourself clear, 
 why, I am glad of it : but if you have a friend 
 here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed ; 
 call all your senses to you ; defend your reputa- 
 tion, or bid farewell to your good life for ever. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. What shall I do ?— There is a 
 gentleman, my dear friend ; and I]fear not mine 
 own shame so much as his peril : I had rather 
 than a thousand pound, he were out of the 
 house. 
 
 Mrs. Page. For shame ] never stand ' you 
 had rather,' and ' you had rather ' : your hus- 
 band 's here at hand ; bethink you of some 
 conveyance : in the house you cannot hide him. 
 — O, how have you deceived mej Look, here 
 is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, 
 he may creep in here ; and throw foul linen 
 upon him, as if it were going to bucking : or, — 
 it is whiting-time, — send him by your two men 
 to Datchet-mead. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. He 's too big to go in there. 
 What shall I do ? 
 
 Re-enter Falstaff. 
 Fal. Let me see 't, let me see 't, O, let me 
 see 't ! I '11 in, I '11 m— Follow your friend's 
 counsel: — I '11 in. 
 
 Mrs. Page. What! Sir John Falstaff? Are 
 these your letters, knight ? 
 
 Fal. I love thee, and none but thee ; help me 
 away ; let me creep in here ; I'Ul never — 
 
 \He gets into the basket ; they cover him with 
 
 foul linen, 
 
 [ 63 ] 
 
<i=0 
 
 >i 
 
 ^i^^^s^w:: 
 
 Mrs. Fai;e. Help to cover your master, boy. 
 Call your men, Mistress Ford. — You dissem- 
 bling knight : 
 
 Mrs. Ford. What, John ! Robert ! John ! 
 
 \E.xit Robin. 
 
 Re-enter Servants. 
 Go take up these clothes here, quickly : — 
 AVhere 's the cowl-staff ? — look, how you drum- 
 ble : — carry them to the laundress in Datchet- 
 mead ; quickly, come. 
 
 Enter Ford, Page, Caius, iDid Sir 
 Hugh Evans. 
 
 Ford. Pra)' you, come near ; if I suspect 
 without cause, why then make sport at me, then 
 let me be your jest ; I deserve it. — How now? 
 whither bear you this ? 
 
 Serv, To the laundress, forsooth. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do 
 whither they bear it ? You were best meddle 
 with buck-washing. 
 
 [ 64 ] 
 
Ford. Buck? — I would I could wash myself 
 of the buck ! — Buck, buck, buck ? Ay, buck ; I 
 warrant you, buck, and of the season too, it 
 shall appear. \_Exeunt Servants with the basket. 
 Gentlemen, I have dreamed to night : I'll tell 
 you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: 
 ascend my chambers, search, seek, find out ; I'll 
 warrant, we '11 unkennel the fox. — Let me stop 
 this way first. \_Locks the door.'] So, now uncape. 
 
 Page. Good Master Ford, be contented : you 
 wrong yourself too much. 
 
 Ford. True, Master Page. — Up, gentlemen ; 
 you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Evans. This is fery fantastical humours and 
 jealousies. 
 
 Caius. By gar, 't is no de fashion of France ; 
 it is not jealous in France. 
 
 Page. Nay, [follow him, gentlemen; see the 
 issue of his search. 
 
 \Exeunt Page, Caius, and Evans. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency 
 in this? 
 
 Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me 
 better, that my husband is deceived, or Sir 
 Tohn. 
 
 L 6s 
 
Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when 
 ) our husband asked what was in the basket ! 
 
 iMrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have 
 need of washing ; so, throwing him into the 
 water will do him a benefit. 
 
 Mrs. -Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal ! 1 
 would all of the same strain were in the same 
 distress. 
 
 j)/rs. Ford. I think, my husband hath soine 
 special suspicion of Falstaff's being here ; for I 
 never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. 
 
 Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that ; and 
 we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff : his 
 dissolute disease will scarce obe)' this medicine. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish car- 
 rion, Mistress Quickly, to him, and e.xcuse his 
 throwing into the water ; and give him another 
 ho[)e, to betray him to another punishment? 
 
 j't/;-j-. Pjge. W's. '11 do it : let him be sent for 
 to-morrow eight o'clock, to have amends. 
 
 Re-enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir 
 Hugh Evans. 
 
 Ford. I cannot find him ; may be, the knave 
 bragged of that he could not compass. 
 
 Mrs. Page, \_.4side to Mrs. Ford.'\ Heard you 
 that? 
 
 Mrs. Ford. ^Aside to Mrs. Page.] Ay, ay, 
 peace — You use me well. Master Ford, do you ? 
 
 Ford. Ay, I do so. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than 
 your thoughts ! 
 
 Ford. Amen. 
 
 Mrs. I^age. You do yourself mighty wrong, 
 Master Ford. 
 
 Ford. Ay, ay, I must bear it. 
 
 Evans. If there be anybody in the house, and 
 
 [ 66 ] 
 
in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the 
 presses, Heaven forgive my sins at the day of 
 judgment ! 
 
 Caius. By gar, nor I too : dere is no bodies. 
 
 Page. Fie, fie, Master Ford ! are you not 
 ashamed ? What spirit, what devil suggests this 
 imagination? I would not have your distemper 
 in this kind for the wealth of Windsor Castle. 
 
 Ford. 'T is my fault, Master Page : I suffer 
 for it. 
 
 Evans. You suffer for a pad conscience ; your 
 wife is as honest a 'omans as I will desires 
 among five thousand, and five hundred too. 
 
 Caius. By gar, I see 't is an honest woman. 
 
 Ford. AVell ; I promised you a dinner: — 
 come, come, walk in the Park : I pray you, 
 pardon me ; I will hereafter make known to 
 you, why I have done this. — Come, wife; — 
 come. Mistress Page. — I pray you, pardon me ; 
 pray heartily, pardon me. 
 
 Page. Let 's go in, gentlemen ; but, trust me, 
 we '11 mock him. I do invite you to-morrow 
 mornmg to my house to breakfast : after, we '11 
 a-birding together ; I have a fine hawk for the 
 bush. Shall it be so ? 
 
 Ford. Anything. 
 
 Evans. If there is one, I shall make two in 
 the company. 
 
 Caius. If dere be one or two, I shall make-a 
 de turd. 
 
 Evans. In your teeth : for shame. 
 
 Ford. Pray you, go, Master Page. 
 
 Evans. I pray you now, remembrance to- 
 morrow on the lousy knave, mine host. 
 
 Caius. Dat is good ; by gar, vit all my heart. 
 
 Evans. A lousy knave ; to have his gibes and 
 his mockeries i \Exeunt. 
 
 
 sA. 
 
 / j''* 
 
 [ 67 ] 
 
 F 2 
 
Scene IV. — A Room tn 
 
 Pages House. 
 Enter' F'enton and Anke Page. 
 
 Fcnt. I see, I cannot get thy father's love ; 
 Therefore, no more turn me to him, sweet Nan. 
 A/ine. Alas ! how then ? 
 
 Fent. ^Vhy, thou must be thyself. 
 
 He doth object, I am too great of birth ; 
 And that, my state being galled with my expense, 
 I seek to heal it only by his wealth ; 
 Besides these, other bars he lays before me, — 
 My riots past, my wild societies, 
 And tells me, 't is a thing imijossible 
 1 should love thee, but as a property. 
 Anne. May be, he tells you true. 
 Fent. No, Heaven so speed me in ni)- time to 
 come ! 
 Albeit, I will confess, thy father's wealth 
 Was the first motive that I wooed thee, Anne : 
 Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value 
 Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags ; 
 And 'tis the very riches of thj'self 
 That now I aim at. 
 
 Anne. Gentle Master Fenton, 
 
 Yet seek my father's love ; still seek it, sir : 
 If opportunity and humblest suit 
 Cannot attain it, why, then — hark you hither. 
 
 [ They converse apart. 
 
 Enter Shallow, Slender, and 
 Mistress Quickly. 
 Shal. Break their talk. Mistress Quickly : my 
 kinsman shall speak for himself 
 
 Slen. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on 't : slid, 
 'tis but venturing. 
 
 [ 68 ] 
 
Shal. Be not dismayed. 
 
 Slen. No, she shall not dismay me : I care 
 not for that, —but that I am afeard. 
 
 Quick. Hark ye ; Master Slender would speak 
 a word with you. 
 
 Anne. I come to him. — [Aside.] This is my 
 father's choice. 
 O, what a world of vile ill-favoured faults 
 Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a 
 year ! 
 Quick. And how does good Master Fenton ? 
 Pray you, a word with you. 
 
 Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, 
 thou hadst a father ! 
 
 Slen. I had a father. Mistress Anne ; my 
 uncle can tell you good jests of him. — Pray you, 
 uncle, tell Mistress Anne the jest, how my 
 father stole two geese out of a pen, good 
 uncle. 
 
 Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. 
 Slen. Ay, that I do ; as well as I love any 
 woman in Gloucestershire. 
 
 Shal. He will maintain you like a gentle- 
 woman. 
 
 Slen. Ay, that I will, come cut and longtail, 
 under the degree of a squire. 
 
 Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty 
 pounds jointure. 
 
 Anne. Good Master Shallow, let him woo for 
 himself 
 
 Shal. Marry, I thank you for it ; I thank you 
 for that good comfort. — She calls you, coz : I '11 
 leave you. 
 
 Anne. Now, Master Slender, — 
 
 Slen. Now, good Mistress Anne, — 
 
 Anne. What is your will ? 
 
 Slen. My will ? od's heartlings, that 's a pretty 
 
 i—- 
 
 [ 69 ] 
 
jest, indeed. I ne'er made my will yet, I thank 
 Heaven ; I am not such a sickly creature, I 
 give Heaven praise. 
 
 A/nw. I mean. Master Slender, what would 
 you with me ? 
 
 Sk>!. Truly, for mine own part, I would little 
 or nothing with you. Your father, and my 
 uncle have made motions : if it be my luck, so ; 
 if not, happy man be his dole ! They can tell 
 you how thmgs go, better than I can : you may 
 ask your father ; here he comes. 
 
 Enter Page and Mistress Page. 
 Page. Now, Master Slender '.—Love him, 
 daughter Anne. — 
 Why, how now ? what does Master Fenton here ? 
 You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house : 
 I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of. 
 Fent. Nay, Master Page, be not impatient. 
 Mrs. Page. Good Master Fenton, come not 
 to my child. 
 
 Page. She is no match for you. 
 Fcnt. Sir, will you hear me ? 
 Page. No, good Master Fenton. — 
 
 Come, Master Shallow ; come, son Slender, 
 
 in. — 
 Knowing my mind, you wrong me. Master 
 Fenton. 
 
 \E.\cunt P.\GE, Shallow, and Slender. 
 Quick. Speak to Mistress Page. 
 Fent. Good Mistress Page, for that I love your 
 daughter 
 In such ajighteous fashion as I do. 
 Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and man- 
 ners, 
 I must advance the colours of my love, 
 And not retire : let me have your good will. 
 
 [ 70 ] 
 
Anne. Good mother, do not marry me to 
 
 yond' fool. 
 Mrs. Page. I mean it not ; I seek you a better 
 husband. 
 
 Quick. That's my master, master doctor. 
 Anne. Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the 
 earth. 
 And bowled to death with turnips. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself. — 
 Good Master Fenton, 
 I will not be your friend nor enemy : 
 My daughter will I question how she loves you. 
 And as I find her, so am I affected. 
 Till then, farewell, sir : she must needs go in ; 
 Her father will be angry. 
 
 [^Exeunt Mrs. Page and Anne. 
 Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress. — Farewell, 
 Nan. 
 
 Quick. This is my doing, now. — 'Nay,' said I 
 ' will you cast away your child on a fool, and a 
 physician ? look on Master Fenton.' — This is 
 my doing. 
 
 Fent. I thank thee ; and I pray thee, once to- 
 night 
 Give my sweet Nan this ring. There 's for thy 
 pains. \_Exit. 
 
 Quick. Now, Heaven send thee good fortune ! 
 A kind heart he hath : a woman would run 
 through fire and water for such a kind heart. 
 But yet I would my master had Mistress Anne ; 
 or I would Master Slender had her ; or, in sooth, 
 I would Master Fenton had her. I will do what 
 I can for them all three ; for so I have pro- 
 mised, and I '11 be as good as my word ; but 
 speciously for Master Fenton. Well, I must 
 of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from my 
 two mistresses : what a beast I am to slack it. 
 
 [Exit. 
 [ 7T ] 
 
Scene V. — -A Room in the 
 
 Garter Inn, 
 
 Enter Falstaff and Bardolph. 
 
 Fal. Bardolph, I say, — 
 
 Bard. Here, sir. 
 
 Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack ; put a 
 toast in 't. \Exit Bardolph.] Have I hved 
 to be carried in a basket, Hke a barrow of 
 butcher's offal, and to be thrown in the 
 Thames ? Well, if I be served such another 
 trick, I '11 have my brains ta'en out, and but- 
 tered, and give them to a dog for a new year's 
 gift. The rogues slighted me into the river 
 with as little remorse as they would have 
 drowned a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the 
 litter ; and you may know by my size, that I 
 have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom 
 were as deep as hell, I should down, I had 
 been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy 
 and shallow ; — a death that I abhor ; for the 
 water swells a man, and what a thing should I 
 have been, when I had been swelled ! I should 
 have been a mountain of mummy. 
 
 Re-enter Bardolph with the zuine. 
 
 Bard. Here 's Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak 
 with you. 
 
 Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the 
 Thames water ; for my belly 's as cold as if I 
 had swallowed snowballs for pills to cool the 
 rems. Call her in. 
 
 Bard. Come in, woman. 
 
 Enter Mistress Quickly. 
 
 Quick. By your leave. — I cry you mercy : 
 give your worship good morrow. 
 
 [ 72 1 
 
Fal. Take away these chalices. Go, brew 
 rae a pottle of sack finely. 
 
 Bard. With eggs, sir ? 
 
 Fal. Simple of itself; I '11 no pullet-sperm in 
 my brewage. [.E.v/V B.\rdolph.] How now.' 
 
 Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship 
 from Mistress Ford. 
 
 Fal. Mistress Ford ! I have had ford enough ; 
 I was thrown into the ford ; I have my belly 
 full of ford. 
 
 Quick. Alas the day ! good heart, that was 
 not her fault : she does so take on with her 
 men; they mistook their erection. 
 
 Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish 
 woman's promise. 
 
 Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it 
 would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband 
 goes this morning a-birding : she desires you 
 once more to come to her ; between eight and 
 nine. I must carry her word quickly ; she'll 
 make you amends, I warrant you. 
 
 Fal. Well, I will visit her : tell her so ; and 
 bid her think, what a man is ; let her consider 
 his frailty, and then judge of my merit. 
 
 Quick. I will tell her. 
 
 Fdl. Do so. Between nine and ten, say 'st 
 thou? 
 
 Quick. Eight and nine, sir. 
 
 Fal. Well, be gone : I will not miss her. 
 
 Quick. Peace be with you, sir. ^Exit. 
 
 Fal. I marvel, I hear not of Master Brook ; 
 he sent me word to stay within : I hke his 
 money well, — O, here he comes. 
 
 Enter Ford. 
 
 Ford, Bless you, sir. 
 
 Fal. Now, Master Brook, — you come to know 
 what hath passed between me and Ford's wife ? 
 
 [ 73 ] 
 
Ford. That indeed, Sii John, is my businesf. 
 Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you. I 
 was at her house the hour she a|)pointed me. 
 Ford. And how sped you, sir ? 
 Fal. Very ill-favouredly. Master Brook. 
 Ford. How so, sir ? Did she change her 
 determination ? 
 
 Fal. No, Master Brook ; but the peaking 
 cornuto her husband, Master Brook, dwelling 
 in a continual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in 
 the instant of our encounter, after we had em- 
 braced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke 
 the prologue of our comedy ; and at his heels 
 a rabble of his companions, thither provoked 
 and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, 
 to search his house for his wife's love. 
 Ford. What, while you were there ? 
 Fal. While I was there. 
 
 Ford. And did he search for you, and could 
 not find you ? 
 
 Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would 
 have it, comes in one Mistress Page; gives 
 intelligence of Ford's approach ; and in her 
 invention and Ford's wife's distraction, they 
 conveyed me into a buck-basktt. 
 Ford. A buck-basket .? 
 
 Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket !— rammed 
 nie in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, toul 
 stockings, and greasy napkins; that, Master 
 Brook, there was the rankest com])Ound ot 
 villainous smell, that ever offended nostril. 
 Ford. And how long lay you there ? 
 Fal. Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what 
 I have suffered to bring this woman to evil for 
 your good. Being thus crammed in the basket, 
 a cou[)le of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were 
 called forth by their mistress to carry me in 
 
 [ 74 ] 
 
the name of foul clothes to 1 )atchet Lane : they 
 took me on their shoulders ; met the jealous 
 knave their master in the door, who asked them 
 once or twice what they had in their basket. 
 I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave would 
 have searched it ; but Fate, ordaining he should 
 be a cuckold, held his hand. Well ; on went 
 he for a search, and away went I for foul 
 clothes. But mark the sequel, Master Brook : 
 I suffered the pangs of three several deaths : 
 first, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a 
 jealous rotten bell-wether ; next, to be com- 
 passed, like a good bilbo, in the circumference 
 of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head ; and, 
 then to be stopped in, like a strong distillation, 
 with stinking clothes that fretted in their own 
 grease : think of that, — a man of my kidney, — 
 think of that ; that am as subject to heat as 
 butter ; a man of continual dissolution and 
 thaw; — It was a miracle, to 'scape suffocation. 
 And in the height of this bath, when 1 was more 
 than half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, 
 to be thrown into the Thames, and cooled, 
 glowing hot, in that surge, like a horseshoe ; 
 thmk of that, — hissmg hot,— think of that, 
 Master Brook. 
 
 Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that 
 or my sake you have suffered all this. My suit 
 then IS desperate ; you '11 undertake her no 
 more ? 
 
 Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into 
 Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will 
 leave her thus. Her husband is this morning 
 gone a-birding : I have received from her 
 another embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and 
 nine is the hour. Master Brook. 
 
 Ford. 'T is past eight already, sir. 
 
 [ 75 ] 
 
Fal. Is it ? I will then address me to my 
 appointment. Come to me at your convenient 
 leisure, and you shall know how I speed ; and 
 the conclusion shall be crowned with your 
 enjoying her. Adieu. You shall have her, 
 Master Brook ; Master Brook, you shall cuck- 
 old Ford. \E.\if. 
 
 Ford. Hum, — ha ! is this a vision? is this a 
 dream ? do I sleep ? Master Ford, awake ! 
 awake, Master Ford ! there's a hole made in 
 your best coat, Master Ford. This 't is to be 
 married : this 't is to have linen, and buck- 
 baskets. — \\'ell, I will proclaim myself what I 
 am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my 
 house; he cannot 'scape me; 't is impossible 
 he should ; he cannot creep into a halfpenny 
 purse, nor into a pepper-box ; but, lest the 
 devil that guides him should aid him, I will 
 search impossible places. Though what I am I 
 cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall 
 not make me tame : if I have horns to make 
 one mad, let the proverb go with me, — I 'll..be 
 horn-mad. \^Exit. 
 
 L 7'' 1 
 
Scene I. — T/ie Street 
 
 Enter Mistress Page, Mistress W'S 
 Quickly, and William. 
 
 jlfrs. -Page. 
 S he at Master Ford's already, think'st 
 thou? 
 
 Quick. Sure, he is by this, or will be 
 presently : but truly, he is very cour- 
 ageous mad about his throwing into the 
 water. Mistress Ford desires you to 
 come suddenly. 
 
 Mrs. Page. I '11 be with her by-and- 
 by : I '11 but bring my young man here 
 to school. Look, where his master 
 comes ; 't is a playing-day, I see. 
 
 Enter Sir Hugh Evans. 
 
 How now, Sir Hugh ? no school to-day ? 
 Evans. No ; Master Slender is let the boys 
 leave to play. 
 
 Quick. Blessing of his heart ! 
 
 [ 77 ] 
 
Mis. Puge. Sir Hugh, "my husband says, my 
 son profits nothing in the world at his book : I 
 pray you, ask him some questions in his acci- 
 dence, 
 
 Evans. Come hither, Wilham ; hold up your 
 head ; come. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Come on, sirrah ; hold up )'0ur 
 head ; answer )'our master, be not afraid. 
 
 Evans. William, how man)' numbers is in 
 nouns ? 
 
 Will. Two. 
 
 Quick. Trul\', I thought there had been one 
 number more, because they say, od's nouns. 
 
 Evans. Peace your tattlings ! — \Vhat is fair, 
 William. 
 
 Jli'i/. Puhiicr. 
 
 Quick. Polecats! there are fairer things than 
 polecats, sure. 
 
 Evans. You are a \ery simplicity 'oman : I 
 pray von, peace. — What is lapis, AVilliam ? 
 
 ]Vi/l. A stone. 
 
 Evans. .\nd what i., a stone, A\'ilham ? 
 
 Will. A pebble. 
 
 Evans. No, it is I r/is : I [.ray )0u, remember 
 in your prain. 
 
 JVill. Lapis. 
 
 Evans. That is good, \\'illiani. AMiat is he, 
 \Villiam, that does lend articles ? 
 
 Will. Articles are borrowed of the pronoun ; 
 and be thus declined, .Sini^ulariler, luuninativo, 
 hie, haec. hoc. 
 
 Evans. Noniinattvo, hig, hai:;,hog ; — pray you, 
 mark ; geni/iva, hiijus. A\'el', what is your 
 accusative case ? 
 
 /[''///. Accusative, hinc. 
 
 Evans. I pray you, have )our remembrance, 
 child : accusativo, king, hang, hog. 
 
 [ 7S ] 
 
Quick. Hang-hog is Latin for bacon, I war- 
 rant you. 
 
 Evans. Leave your prabbles, 'oman — What is 
 the focative case, Wilham ? 
 1/7//. 0—vocativo, O. 
 
 Evans. Remember, Wilham ; focative is 
 car:t. 
 
 Quick. And that's a good root. 
 Evans. 'Oman, forbear. 
 Mrs. Page. Peace ! 
 
 Evans. What is your genitive case plural, 
 William ? 
 
 Will. Genitive case ? 
 Evans. Ay. 
 
 Will. Genitive, — horum, haruni, lioi-um. 
 Quick. Vengeance of Jenny's case ! fie on her! 
 — Never name her, child, if she be a whore. 
 Evans. For shame, 'oman ! 
 Quick. You do ill to teach the child such 
 words. — He teaches him to hick and to hack, 
 which they '11 do fast enough of themselves ; 
 and to call horum, — fie upon you ! 
 
 Evans. 'Oman, art thou lunatics ? hast thou no 
 understandings for thy cases, and the numbers 
 of the genders ? Thou art as foolish Christian 
 creatures as I would desires. 
 
 Mrs. Pcige. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace. 
 Evans. Show me now, William, some declen- 
 sions of your pronouns. 
 
 Will. Forsooth, I have forgot. 
 Evans. It is qui, qucs, quod ; if you forget your 
 quies, your qnces, and your quods^ you must be 
 preaches. Go your ways, and play ; go. 
 
 Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I 
 thought he was. 
 
 Evans. He is a good sprag memory. Fare- 
 well, Mistress Page. 
 
 [ 79 ] 
 
 jvi 
 
Airs. Paire. Adieu, good Sir Hugh. [Exit Sir 
 Hugh.] Get you home, boy. — Come, we stay 
 too long. [Ereutii. 
 
 s 
 
 CENK II, 
 FortP 
 
 A Room in 
 House. 
 
 Enter Falstafk and AJislrcss Ford. 
 
 Fal. Mistress Ford, )'our sorrow hath eaten 
 up my sufferance. I see, you are obsequious 
 in your love, and I profess requital to a hair's- 
 breadth ; not only. Mistress Ford, in the simple 
 office of love, but in all the accoutrement, com- 
 plement, and ceremony of it. But are you sure 
 of your husband now ? 
 
 J\lrs. Ford. He 's a-birding, sweet Sir John. 
 
 Mrs. Paoe. []]'i//ii>i.] What ho, gossip Ford ! 
 what ho ! 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, Sir John. 
 
 [E.xit F.\LST.\FF. 
 
 Enter Mistress Page. 
 
 iMrs. PiJ(;(. How now, sweetheart ? who's at 
 home besides )'ourself ? 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Why, none but mine own peo[ile. 
 
 Mrs, Pai^e. Indeed ? 
 
 A/rs, Ford. No, certainly. — [Aside /o //cr.] 
 Speak louder. 
 
 Mrs. Poi£;i\ Truly, I am so glad you have no- 
 body here. 
 
 Mrs, Ford. \Vh}- ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in 
 his old lunes again : he so takes on yonder with 
 my husband ; so rails against all married man 
 kind ; so curses all Eve's daughters, of what 
 com[)lexion soever ; and so buffets himself on 
 
 L 80 ] 
 
the forehead, crying, ' Peer out, peer out ! ' that 
 any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but 
 tameness, civihty, and patience, to this his dis- 
 temper he is in now. I am glad the fat knight 
 is not here. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him ? 
 
 Airs. Pagf. Of none but him ; and swears, he 
 was carried out, the last time he searched for 
 him, in a basket : protests to my husband he is 
 now here, and hath drawn him and the rest of 
 their company from their sport, to make another 
 experiment of his suspicion : but I am glad the 
 knight is not here ; now he shall see his own 
 foolery. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. How near is he, Mistress Page ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Hard by ; at street end ; he will 
 be here anon. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. I am undone ! the knight is here ! 
 
 Mrs. Page. Why, then you are utterly shamed, 
 and he 's but a dead man. What a woman are 
 you ! — Away with him ! away with him ! better 
 shame than murder. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go ? how 
 should I bestow him ? Shall I put him into the 
 basket again ? 
 
 Re-enter Falstaff. 
 
 Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket. 
 May I not go out, ere he come ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Alas, three of Master Ford's 
 brothers watch the door with pistols, that 
 none shall issue out ; otherwise you might slip 
 away ere he came. But what make you here ? 
 
 Fal. What shall I do ? — I '11 creep up into the 
 chimney, 
 
 Mrs. Ford. There they always use to discharge 
 their birding-pieces. 
 
 8, -] 
 
jVrs, Page. Creeji into the kiln-hole. 
 
 FaL Where is it ? 
 
 Mrs. Ford. He will seek there, on my word. 
 Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, 
 but he hath an abstract for the remembrance 
 of such places, and goes to them by his note ; 
 there is no hiding you in the house. 
 
 Fal. I'll go out then. 
 
 Mrs. Pjgi. If you go out in your own sem- 
 blance, you die, Sir John. Unless you go out 
 disguised, — 
 
 ^/rs. Ford. How might we disguise him ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Alas the day ! I know not. There 
 is no woman's gown big enough for him ; other- 
 wise he might put on a hat, a muftler, and a 
 kerchief, and so escape. 
 
 Fa/. Good hearts, devise something : any 
 extremity rather than a mischief 
 
 Mrs. Ford, ^[y maid's aunt, the fat woman of 
 Brentford, has a gown abo\"e. 
 
 Mrs. Page. On my word, it will ser\"e him ; 
 she's as big as he is, and there's her 
 thrummed hat, and her muffler too. — Run up. 
 Sir John. 
 
 Mrs. Ford, Go, go, sweet Sir John : Mistress 
 Page and I will look som.e linen for )our head. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Quick, cjuick ! we '11 come dress 
 you straight : put on the gown the \vhile. 
 
 \_E.xit Falstaff. 
 
 .Mrs. Ford. I would, m) husband would meet 
 him 111 this sha[>e ; he cannot abide the old 
 woman of Brentford ; ho s\vears she 's a witch ; 
 forbade her my house, and hath threatened to 
 beat her. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy hus- 
 band's cudgel, and the devil guide his cudgel 
 afterwards ! 
 
 [ 8. ] 
 
Mrs, Ford. But is my husband coming ? 
 Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he ; and 
 talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had 
 intelligence. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. We'll try that ; for I '11 appoint 
 my men to carry the basket again, to meet him 
 at the door with it, as they did last time. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Nay, but he '11 be here presently : 
 let 's go dress him like the witch of Brentford. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. I '11 first direct my men, what they 
 
 shall do with the basket. Go up, I '11 bring 
 
 linen for him straight. [Exit. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet ! we 
 
 cannot misuse him enough. 
 
 We '11 leave a proof, by that which we will do. 
 Wives may be merry, and yet honest too : 
 We do not act, that often jest and laugh ; 
 'T IS old but true, ' Still swine eat all the draff.' 
 
 [Exit. 
 Re-enter Mistress Ford with two 
 
 Servants. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on 
 
 your shoulders ; your master is hard at door ; if 
 
 he bid you set it down, obey him. Quickly ; 
 
 despatch. [Exit. 
 
 1 Serv. Come, come, take it up. 
 
 2 Serv. Pray Heaven, it be not full of knight 
 again. 
 
 1 Serv. I hope not ; I had as lief bear so 
 much lead. 
 
 Enter Ford, Page, Shallow, Caius, 
 and Sir Hugh Evans. 
 Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, 
 have you any way then to unfool me again ? — 
 Set down the basket, villains ! — Somebody call 
 my wife. — You youth in a basket, come out 
 
 '/■^ 
 
 [ 83 1 
 
 G 2 
 
here ! -O you panderly rascals ! there 's a knot, 
 a ging, a pack, a conspiracy against me ; now 
 shall the devil be shamed.— AVhat ! wife, I say ! 
 — Come, come forth ! ^ Behold what honest 
 clothes you send forth to bleaching ! 
 
 Pdge. Why, this i)asses ! Master Ford, you 
 are not to go loose any longer ; you must be 
 pinioned. 
 
 Evans. \Vhy, this is lunatics; this is mad as 
 a mad dog. 
 
 ShaL Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well 
 indeed. 
 
 Ford. So say I too, sir. 
 
 Re-enter Rlistress Ford. 
 
 Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford, 
 the honest woman, the modest wife, the vir- 
 tuous creature, that hath the jealous fool to her 
 husband ! — I suspect without cause, mistress, 
 do I ? 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if 
 you suspect me in any dishonesty. 
 
 Ford. Well said, brazen-face ; hold it out. — 
 Come forth, sirrah. 
 
 yPuIls the clothes out of the basket . 
 
 Page. This passes ! 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Are you not ashamed ? let the 
 clothes alone. 
 
 Ford. I shall find you anon. 
 
 Evans, 'T is unreasonable. Will you take 
 up your wife's clothes? Come away. 
 
 J''ord. Empty the basket, I say. 
 
 A[rs. Ford. \Vhy, man, why, — 
 
 Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there 
 was one conveyed out of my house yesterday 
 in this basket : why may not he be there again ? 
 In my house I am sure he is : my intelligence 
 
 [ 84 ] 
 
is true ; my jealousy is reasonable. — Pluck mc 
 out all the linen. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. If you find a man there, he shall 
 die a flea's death. 
 
 Fiige. Here 's no man. 
 
 ShaL By my fidelity, this is not well, Master 
 Ford ; this wrongs you. 
 
 Evans. Master Ford, you must pray, and not 
 follow the imaginations of your own heart : this 
 is jealousies. 
 
 Ford. Well, he 's not here I seek for. 
 
 Fage. No, nor nowhere else, but in your brain. 
 
 Ford. Help to search my house this one 
 time : if I find not what I seek, show no colour 
 for my extremity ; let me for ever be your 
 table-sport; let them say of me, "As jealous as 
 Ford, that searched a hollow walnut for his 
 wife's leman." Satisfy me once more ; once 
 more search with me. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. What ho ! Mistress Page ! come 
 you and the old woman down ; my husband will 
 come into the chamber. 
 
 Ford. Old woman ! ^Vhat old woman 's that .' 
 
 Mrs. Ford. ^\'hy, it is my maid's aunt of 
 Brentford. 
 
 Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening 
 quean ! Have I not forbid her my house ? She 
 comes of errands, does she ? We are simple 
 men ; we do not know what 's brought to pass 
 under the profession of fortune-telling. She 
 works by charms, by spells, by the figure, and 
 such daubery as this is beyond our element : 
 we know nothing. — Come down, you witch, you 
 hag you ; come down, I say. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband. — 
 Good gentlemen, let him not strike the old 
 woman. 
 
 [ 85 ] 
 
Re-enter Falstaff in wofnan's clot/ies, 
 
 led by Mistress Page. 
 - Mrs. Page. Come, Mother Prat ; come, give 
 me your hand. 
 
 Ford. I 'U prat her. — Out of my door, you 
 witch, \_/>(.'a/i hiiit'\ you rag, you baggage, you 
 |)olecat, you ronyon : out! out! I'll conjure 
 you, I'll fortune-tell you. \^E.xit Falstaff. 
 
 Mrs. Page. ."Vre you not ashamed } I think, 
 you have killed the poor woman. 
 
 ]\Trs. Ford. Nay, he will do it. — 'T is a goodly 
 credit for you. 
 
 Ford. Hang her, witch ! 
 
 Evans. By yea and no, I think, the 'oman 
 is a witch indeed ; I like not when a 'oman has 
 a great peard ; I sp)- a great [leard under her 
 muffler. 
 
 Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen ? I beseech 
 you, follow : see but the issue of m)- jealous)-. 
 If I cry out thus upon no trail, never trust me 
 when I open again. 
 
 P'age. Let 's obey his humour a little further. 
 Come, gentlemen. 
 
 \_E.\euiil Ford, Page, Shallow, and Evans. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Trust me, he beat him most 
 pitifully, 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not ; 
 he beat him most unpitifully, methought. 
 
 Mrs. Page. I '11 have the cudgel hallowed, and 
 hung o'er the altar : it hath done meritorious 
 service. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. \\'hat think )0u ? Ma)' we, with 
 the warrant of womanhood, and the witness of 
 a good conscience, pursue him with any further 
 revenge ? 
 
 Mrs, Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, 
 
 [ 86 ] 
 
scared out of him : if the devil have him not in 
 fee-simple, with fine and recovery, he wiR never, 
 I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how 
 we have served him ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Yes, by all means ; if it be but to 
 scrape the figures out of your husband's brains. 
 If they can find in their hearts the poor unvir- 
 tuous fat knight shall be any further afflicted 
 we two will still be the ministers. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. I '11 warrant, they '11 have him 
 publicly shamed ; and, methinks, there would 
 be no period to the jest, should he not be 
 publicly shamed. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it, then ; 
 shape it : I would not have things cool. 
 
 [ Exeuiif, 
 
 Scene III. — A Room in the 
 
 Garter Inn, 
 
 Enter Host and Bardolpii. 
 
 Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three 
 of your horses : the duke himself will be to- 
 morrow at court, ai?d they are going to meet 
 him. 
 
 Host. What duke should that be, comes so 
 secretly ? I hear not of him in the court. Let 
 me speak with the gentlemen : — they speak 
 English ? 
 
 Bard. Ay, sir ; I '11 call them to you. 
 
 Host. They shall have my horses, but I '11 
 make them pay ; 1 '11 sauce them : they have 
 had my house a week at command ; I have 
 turned away my other guests : they must come 
 off; I '11 sauce them. Come. \^Exeiiiit. 
 
 L 87 J 
 
Scene IV. 
 
 ■A R > n in 
 Fu V House, 
 
 Enter Page, Ford, Mistress Page, 
 Mistress FoRP, a7id Sir Hugh Evans. 
 
 Evans. 'T is one of the pest discretions of a 
 'oman as ever I did look upon. 
 
 Pi'i;e. And did he send you both these letters 
 at an instant ? 
 
 il//-f. Pdi^i. Within a quarter of an hour. 
 
 Ford. Pardon me, wife. Henceforth do what 
 thou wilt ; 
 I rather will suspect the sun with cold 
 Than thee with wantonness ; now doth thy 
 
 honour stand, 
 In him that was of late an heretic. 
 As firm as faith. 
 
 ■Page'. 'T is well, 't is well ; no more. 
 
 Be not as extreme m submission 
 As in offence ; 
 
 But let our plot go forward : let our wives 
 Yet once again, to make us public sport, 
 Ajipoint a meeting with this old fat fellow, 
 \V'here we may take him, and disgrace hmi 
 for it. 
 
 Ford. There is no better way than that the)' 
 sj)oke of. 
 
 Pai^e. How ! to send him word they Ml nicet 
 him in the jiark at midnight ? Fie, fie ! he'll 
 never come. 
 
 Evans. You say, he has been thrown into the 
 rivers, and has been gne\'Ously |)eaten, as an 
 old 'oman : methinks, there should be terrors in 
 him, that he should not come ; methinks, his 
 flesh is punished, he shall ha\e no desires. 
 
 Pas:e. So think I too. 
 
 [ 88 ] 
 
.Mrs. Ford. Devise but how you 'II use him 
 
 when he comes, 
 And let us two devise to bring him thither. 
 Mrs. Page. There is an old tale goes, that 
 
 Heme the hunter, 
 Sometime a keeper here in Windsor Forest, 
 Doth all the winter-time, at still midnight. 
 Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd 
 
 horns ; 
 And there he blasts the tree, and takes the 
 
 cattle ; 
 And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes 
 
 a chain 
 In a most hideous and dreadful manner ; 
 You 've heard of such a spirit ; and well you 
 
 know. 
 The superstitious idle-headed eld 
 Received and did deliver to our age 
 This tale of Heme the hunter for a truth. 
 
 Page. Why, yet there want not many, that do 
 
 fear 
 In deep of night to walk by this Heme's 
 
 oak. 
 But what of this ? 
 
 Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our devise ; 
 
 That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us. 
 Disguised like Heme, with huge horns on his 
 
 head 
 Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he 'II 
 
 come ; 
 And in this shape. When you have brought 
 
 him thither. 
 What shall be done with him ? what is your 
 
 plot ? 
 Mrs. Page. That likewise have we thought 
 
 upon, and thus : 
 Nan Page my daughter, and my little son. 
 
 /,. k 
 
 [ 89 ] 
 
And three or four more of their growth, we '11 
 
 dress 
 Like urchins, ouphes, and fairies, green and 
 
 white, 
 With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads, 
 And rattles in their hands. U[)on a sudden. 
 As Falstaff, she, and I, are newly met. 
 Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once 
 AVith some diffused song : upon their sight, 
 \\'e two in great amazedness will fly : 
 Then let them all encircle him about. 
 And, fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight ; 
 And ask him, why, that hour of fairy revel. 
 In their so sacred paths he dares to tread 
 In shape profane. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth, 
 
 Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound. 
 And burn him with their tapers. 
 
 Mrs. Page. The truth being known, 
 
 AVe '11 all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit, 
 And mock him home to Windsor. 
 
 Ford. The children must 
 
 Be practised well to this, or they '11 ne'er 
 do 't. 
 
 Evans. I will teach the children their be- 
 haviours; and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, 
 to burn the knight with my taber. 
 
 Ford. That will be excellent. I '11 go buy 
 them vi/ards. 
 
 Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all 
 the fairies. 
 Finely attired in a robe of white. 
 
 Page. That silk will I go buy ■,—\iiside"\ and 
 in that time 
 Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away, 
 And marry her at Eton. — Go, send to Falstaff 
 straight. 
 
 [ 90 ] 
 
Ford. Nay, I '11 to him again in name of 
 Brook : 
 He '11 tell me all his purpose. Sure, he '11 come. 
 Mrs. Page. Fear not you that. Go, get us 
 properties 
 And tricking for our fairies. 
 
 Evans. Let us about it : it is admirable plea- 
 sures, a^id fery honest knaveries. 
 
 [Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans. 
 Mrs. Page. Go, Mistress Ford, 
 Send Quickly to Sir John, to know his mind. 
 
 [Exit Mrs. Ford. 
 I '11 to the doctor ; he hath my good will. 
 And none but he, to marry with Nan Page. 
 That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot. 
 And he my husband best of all affects : 
 The doctor is well moneyed, and his friends 
 Potent at court : he, none but he, shall have 
 
 her, 
 Though twenty thousand worthier come to 
 cra\e her. [Exit. 
 
 Scene V. — A Room in the 
 
 Garter Inn, 
 
 Enter Host and Simple. 
 
 Host. What wouldst thou have, boor ? what, 
 thickskin? speak, breathe, discuss ; brief, short, 
 quick, snap. 
 
 Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir 
 John Falstaff from Master Slender. 
 
 Host. There 's his chamber, his house, his 
 castle, his standing-bed, and truckle bed ; 't is 
 painted about with the story of the prodigal, 
 fresh and new. Go, knock and call : he'll speak 
 like an Anthropophaginian unto thee : knock, I 
 say. 
 
 [ 91 ] 
 
Sirti. There 's an old woman, a fat woman, 
 gone up into his chamber ; I '11 be so bold as 
 stay, sir, till she come down ; I come to speak 
 with her, indeed. 
 
 Jloif. Ha ! a fat woman ? the knight may be 
 robbed: I'll call.— Bully knight! Bully Sir 
 John ! speak from thy lungs military : art thou 
 there ? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. 
 
 Fill. \_Al>ove.'\ How now, mine host? 
 
 Host. Here 's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the 
 coming down of thy fat woman. Let her 
 descend, bully ; let her descend ; my chambers 
 are honourable '■ fie ! privac)' ? fie ! 
 
 Enter F.\LST.\FF. 
 
 Fill. There was, mine host, an old fat woman 
 even now with me ; but she 's gone. 
 
 .Sim. Pray you, sir, was 't not the wise woman 
 of Brentford ? 
 
 Fill. Ay, marry, was it, muscle shell ; what 
 would you with her ? 
 
 .Sim. My master, sir, Master Slender, sent to 
 her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, 
 sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of 
 a chain, had the chain, or no. 
 
 Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. 
 
 Sim. And what says she, I [iray, sir ? 
 
 Fill. Marry, she says, that the very same 
 man that beguiled Master Slender of his chain 
 cozened him of it. 
 
 .SY;;;. I would I could have spoken with the 
 woman herselt : I had other things to have 
 sjioken with her too, from him. 
 
 Fill. What are they? let us know. 
 
 Husl. Ay, come ; (juick. 
 
 Sim. I may not conceal them, sir. 
 
 Host. Conceal them, or thou diest. 
 
 [ 9^ ] 
 
Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about 
 Mistress Anne Page; to know, if it were my 
 master's fortune to have her or no. 
 
 J^a/. 'T is, 't is his fortune. 
 
 Sim. What, sir ? 
 
 Jia/. To have her, —or no. Go ; say, the 
 woman told me so. 
 
 Sim. May I be bold to say so, sir ? 
 
 Fa/. Ay, Sir Tike, who more bold ? 
 
 Sim. I thank your worship. I shall make my 
 master glad with these tidings. [E.xif. 
 
 fJosf. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly. Sir 
 John. Was there a wise woman with thee ? 
 
 Fa/. Ay, that there was, mine host ; one, 
 that hath taught me more wit than ever I 
 learned before in my life : and I paid nothing 
 for it neither, but was paid for my learning. 
 
 Enter Bardolph. 
 
 B.ird. Out, alas, sir ! co/.enage ; mere co/.en- 
 age. 
 
 Host. Where be my hordes ? si)eak well of 
 them, varletto. 
 
 Bard. Run away with the co/eners ; for so 
 soon as I.came beyond Eton, they threw me off, 
 from behind one of them, in a slough of mire ; 
 and set spurs, and away, like three German 
 devils, three Doctor Faustuses. 
 
 Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, 
 villain. Do not say, they be fled ; Germans 
 are honest men. 
 
 Enter Sir Hugh Evans. 
 
 Evans. Where is mine host ? 
 
 Host, What is the matter, sir ? 
 
 Evans. Have a care of your entertainments : 
 there is a friend of mine come to town, tells 
 m;, the.e is three co/.in-germans, that has 
 
 V. 
 
 [ 9i ] 
 
cozened all the hosts of Readings, of Maiden- 
 head, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I 
 tellyou for good will, look )ou : )cu are wise, 
 and full of gibes and vlouting stogs, and 't is 
 not convenient you should be co/ened. Fare 
 you well. [^.v/7. 
 
 Enter Doctor Caius. 
 
 Cains. Vere is mine host de Jarterre ? 
 
 Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and 
 doubtful dilemma. 
 
 Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat ; but it is tell-a 
 me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke 
 de Jarmany : by my trot, dere is no duke, dat de 
 court is know to come. I tell you for good vill : 
 adieu. [.ff.v//. 
 
 Host. Hue and cry, villain ! go. — Assist me, 
 knight. — I am undone. — Fly, run, hue and cr\ , 
 villain ! — I am undone ! 
 
 [E.xtuiit Host and Eardolph. 
 
 Fai, I would all the world might be cozened, 
 for I haNe been cozened, and beaten too. H it 
 should come to the ear of the court, how I have 
 been transformed, and how my transformation 
 hath been washed and cudgelled, they would 
 melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor 
 fishermen's boots with nie : I warrant, they 
 would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as 
 crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered 
 since I foreswore myself at primero. Well, if 
 my wind were but long enough to say my 
 prajers, I would repent. — 
 
 Enter A/istri'ss Quickly. 
 
 Now-, whence come )0u? 
 
 Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. 
 
 Fal, The devil take one party, and his dam 
 the other ! and so they shall be both bestowed. 
 
 [ 94 ] 
 
I have suffered more for their sakes, more than 
 the villainous inconstancy of man's disposition 
 is able to bear. 
 
 Quick, And have not they suffered ? Yes, I 
 warrant ; speciously one of them ; Mistress 
 Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, 
 that you cannot see a white spot about her. 
 
 Fa/. What tellest thou me of black and blue ? 
 I was beaten myself into all the colours of the 
 rainbow ; and I was like to be apprehended for 
 the witch of Brentford : but that my admirable 
 dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of 
 an old woman, delivered me, the knave con- 
 stable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common 
 stocks, for a witch. 
 
 Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your 
 chamber ; you shall hear how things go ; and, I 
 warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will 
 say somewhat. Good hearts ! what ado here 
 is to bring you together! Sure, one of you 
 does not serve Heaven well, that you are so 
 crossed. 
 
 Fa/. Come up into my chamber. \^E.\tuiil. 
 
 Scene VI. — Anothe?- Room 
 in the Garter Inn, 
 
 Enter Fenton and Host. 
 Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me ; ray 
 mind is heavy : I will give over all. 
 
 Fent. Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my 
 purpose. 
 And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee 
 A hundred pound m gold, more than your loss. 
 Host. I will hear you. Master Fenton ; and I 
 will, at the least, keep your counsel. 
 
 [ 95 ] 
 
Fait. From time to time 1 have acquainted 
 you 
 With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page ; 
 Who, mutually, hath answered my affection, 
 (So far forth as herself might be her chooser,) 
 Even to my wish. I have a letter from her 
 Of such contents as you will wonder at ; 
 The mirth whereof so larded with my matter, 
 That neither, singly, can be manifested 
 Without the show of both; — wherein fat Fal- 
 
 staff 
 Hath a great scene : the image of the jest 
 
 \^ShoW!>ig the letter. 
 I'll show you here at large. Hark, good mine 
 
 host : 
 'i'o-night at Heme's oak, just 'twixt twelve and 
 
 one. 
 Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen ; 
 The purpose why, is here : in which disguise. 
 While other jests are something rank on foot, 
 Her father hath commanded her to slip 
 Away with Slender, and with him at Eton 
 Immediately to marry : she hath consented. 
 Now, sir. 
 
 Her mother, even strong against that match. 
 And firm for Doctor Cams, hath appointed 
 That he shall likewise shuffle her away. 
 While other sports are tasking of their minds, 
 And at the deanery, where a [)riest attends, 
 Straight marry her : to this her mother's [ilot 
 She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath 
 Made [jromise to the doctor. — Now, thus it 
 
 rests ; 
 Her father means she shall be all in white ; 
 All J in that habit, when Slender sees his 
 
 time 
 To take her by the hand, and bid her go, 
 
 [ 96 ] 
 
She shall go with him : — her mother hath in- 
 tended, 
 The better to denote her to the doctor, — 
 For they must all be masked and vizarded, — 
 That quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed. 
 With ribands pendent, flaring 'bout her head ; 
 And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe, 
 To pinch her by the hand, and on that token 
 The maid hath given consent to go with him. 
 Host. Which means she to deceive ? father or 
 
 mother? 
 Fenf. Both, my good host, to go along with 
 me : 
 And here it rests, — that you'll procure the vicar 
 To stay for me at church 'twixt twelve and one, 
 And, in the lawful name of marrying. 
 To give our hearts united ceremony. 
 
 Host. \\'ell, husband )Our device ; I'll to the 
 vicar. 
 Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. 
 Fent. So shall I e\erir,oie be bound to thee ; 
 Besides, I '11 make a jJresent recompense. 
 
 \ E.xcunt. 
 
 [ 97 ] 
 
(Set (P» 
 
 Scene I. — A Room in the 
 Garter Inn, 
 
 Enter Falstaff and Mistress 
 
 OuiCKI.Y. 
 
 Falstaff. 
 JR'VTHEE, no more prattling; — go: — 
 I '11 hold. This IS the third time ; I 
 hope, good luck lies in odd numbers. 
 Away, go. They say, there is di^■inity 
 in odd numbers, either in nativity, 
 chance, or death. — A\va\'. 
 
 Quick. I '11 provide \ou a chain ; 
 and I '11 do -what I can to get you a 
 pair of horns. 
 
 Fal. Away, I say ; time wears : hold 
 up your head, and mmce. 
 I [Exit Mrs. OuiCKL'i-. 
 
 Enter Ford. 
 
 How now, Master Brook? Master Brook, 
 the matter will be known to-night, or ne\ er. 
 Be you in the Park about midnight, at Heme's 
 oak, and you shall see wonders. 
 
 L 9S ] 
 
Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as 
 you told me you had appointed ? 
 
 Fal. I went to her, Master Brook, as you sec, 
 hke a poor old man ; but I came from her. 
 Master Brook, like a poor old woman. That 
 same knave. Ford, her husband, hath the finest 
 mad devil of jealousy in him. Master Brook, 
 that ever governed frenzy : — I will tell you : — 
 he beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman ; 
 for in the shape of man. Master Brook, I fear 
 not Goliath with a weaver's beam ; because I 
 know also, life is a shuttle. I am in haste ; 
 go along with me ; I '11 tell you all, Master 
 Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, 
 and whipped top, I knew not what 't was to be 
 beaten, till lately. Follow me : I '11 tell you 
 strange things of this knave Ford, on whom 
 to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his 
 wife into your hand. — l'"ollow : — strange things 
 in hand. Master Brook ; — follow. \Exiiini. 
 
 Scene II. — Windsor Park. 
 
 Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender. 
 
 Pa;:;e. Come, come ; we '11 couch i' the castle 
 ditch, till we see the light of our fairies. — 
 Remember, son Slender, my daughter. 
 
 Slen. Ay, forsooth ; I have spoke with her, 
 and we have a nay-word, how to know one 
 another. I come to her in white, and cry, 
 ' mum ; ' she cries, ' budget ; ' and by that we 
 know one another. 
 
 Shal. That 's good too : but what needs 
 either your 'mum' or her 'budget?' the 
 white will decipher her well enough. — It hath 
 struck ten o'clock. 
 
 Page. The mght is dark ; light and spirits 
 
 [ 99 J H 2 
 
will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport ! 
 No man means evil but the devil, and we shall 
 kno'.v him by his horns. Let's away ; follow me. 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 Scene IIL — The Street 
 
 in U indscr. 
 
 Eater Mistress PaijE, Mistress Ford, 
 and Doctor Caius. 
 
 J/>-jr. Pai^e. blaster Doctor, ray daughter is in 
 green ; when you see your time, take her by the 
 hand, away with her to the deanery, and des- 
 patch it quickly. Go before into the Park : we 
 two muit go together. 
 
 Cjitis. I know vat I ha\'e to do. Adieu. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Fare you well, sir. [Exit C.^iu.s.] 
 M)- husband will not rejoice so much at the 
 abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's 
 marrjing my daughter: but 't is no matter; 
 better a little chiding than a great deal of heart- 
 break. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. \\'here is Nan now, and her troop 
 of fairies ? and the Welsh devil, Hugh ? 
 
 A[rs. Page. The\' are all couched in a pit hard 
 by Heme's oak, with obscured lights ; which, 
 at the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, 
 the) will at once display to the night. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but ama'C 
 him. 
 
 Mrs. Page. If he be not ama/ed, he will be 
 mocked ; if he be amazed, he will every way be 
 mocked, 
 
 Mrs. Ford. We '11 betray him finely. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Against such lewdsters, and their 
 lechery, 
 
 [ 100 ] 
 
Those that betray them do no treachery. 
 
 Mrs. Ford. The hour draws on. To the oak ! 
 to the oak ! [E.xcun/. 
 
 Scene IV. — Windsor Park. 
 
 Enter Sir Hugh Evans, and Fairies. 
 
 Evans. Trib, trib, fairies : come ; and remem- 
 ber your parts. Be pold, I jjray you ; follow 
 me into the pit and when I give the watch-'ords, 
 do as I pid you. Come, come ; trib, trib. 
 
 [^ Exeunt. 
 
 Scene V.- — Another Part of 
 the Park. 
 
 Enter Falstaff ciisgiiised as Hcri.c, 
 luith n buck's head on. 
 Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve ; 
 the minute draws on. Now, the hot-blooded 
 gods assist me ! — Remember, Jove, thou wast 
 a bull for thy Europa ; love set on thy horns. — 
 O powerful love ! that, in some respects, makes 
 a beast a man ; in some other, a man a beast. 
 — You were also, Jupiter, a swan, for the love 
 of Leda : — O, omnipotent love ! how near the 
 god drew to the complexion of a goose ! — A 
 fault done first in the form of a beast ; O Jove, 
 a beastly fault ! and then another fault in the 
 semblance of a fowl : think on 't, Jove, a foul 
 fault. — When gods have hot backs, what shall 
 poor men do ? For me, I am here a Windsor 
 stag : and the fattest, I thmk, i' the forest.— 
 Send me a cool rut time, Jove, or who can 
 blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here ? 
 my doe ? 
 
 L 'o' ] 
 
Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress 
 Page. 
 
 Airs, Ford. Sir Jfihn ? art thou there, my 
 deer? my male deer? 
 
 FjL My doe with the black scut! — Let the 
 sky rain potatoes ; let it thunder to the tune of 
 ' Green Sleeves ; ' hail kissmg-comfits, and snow \ 
 eringoes ; let there come a tempest of [irovoca- 
 tion, I Will shelter me here. \_Eiitbradiii;; her. ' 
 
 Aln. Furd. Mistress Page is come with me, ' 
 sweel-heart. 
 
 Fal. Divide me like a bribe buck, each a 
 haunch : I will keep my sides to m)self, my 
 shoulders for the fellow of tliis walk, and my 
 horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a 
 woodman ? ha ! Speak I like Heme the 
 hunter ? — ^^'hy, now is Cupiid a child of con- 
 science ; he makes restitution. As I am a true 
 spirit, welcome. [ATv'.u- within. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Alas, "what noise ? 
 
 Airs. Ford. Heaven forgive our sins ! 
 
 Ful What should this be } 
 
 Airs. Ford. •) , 
 , r r, J Awav, away ! 
 
 Airs. Page. ) ' {Tliey run off 
 
 Fal. I think, the devil will not have me 
 
 damned, lest the oil that's in me should set 
 
 hell on fire ; he would never else cross me 
 
 thus. 
 
 Enter Sir HuDH E\ANS like a Satyr ; 
 Mistress Quii;ivL\' and I'lSTOL ; Anne 
 Page, as the Fairy Queen, ■attended by her 
 brother and otiters, dressed like Fairies, 
 with waxen tapers on their heads. 
 
 Quick. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, 
 You moonshine revellers, and shades of night, 
 
 [ 102 ] 
 
You orphan heirs of fix^d destiny, 
 Attend ) jur office and your quality. — 
 Crier HobgobUn, make the fairy o-yes. 
 
 I'isf. Elves, list your names ; silence, you 
 airy toys ! 
 Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap : 
 Where fires thou find 'st unraked, and hearths 
 
 unswept. 
 There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry ; 
 Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery. 
 Jul/. They 're fairies ; he that speaks to them 
 shall die : 
 I '11 wink and couch ; no man their works must 
 eye. [Lies down upon his face. 
 
 Evans. Where 's Pede ? — Go you, and where 
 you find a maid 
 That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said. 
 Raise up the organs of her fantasy, 
 Sleep she as sound as careless infancy ; 
 But those as sleep, and thmk not on their sins. 
 Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides,, 
 and shins. 
 Quick. About, about ; 
 Search Wmdsor castle, elves, within and out ■ 
 
 ^.{/('ylf'rf^K 
 
Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room, 
 That it may stand till the perpetual doom, 
 In state as wholesome, as in state 't is fit, 
 Worthy the owner, and the owner it. 
 The several chairs of order look you scour 
 With juice of balm, and every precious flower -. 
 Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest, 
 With loyal blazon, evermore be blest ! 
 And nightly, meadow-fairies, look, you sing, 
 Like to the Garter's compass, in a ring : 
 The expressure that it bears, green let it be. 
 More fertile-fresh than all the field to see ; 
 And Honi soit qui mat y fense, write 
 111 emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and 
 
 white ; 
 Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery, 
 Buckled below- fair knighthood's bending 
 
 knee : — 
 Fairies use flowers for their charactery. 
 Away ! disperse ! But, till 't is one o'clock. 
 Our dance of custom, round about the oak 
 Of Heme the hunter, let us not forget. 
 
 Evans. Pray you, lock hand in hand : your- 
 selves in order set ; 
 And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be 
 To guide our measure round about the tree 
 But, stay ! I smell a man of middle-earth. 
 
 Fa/. Heavens defend me from th.at Welsh 
 fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! 
 
 Fist. Vile vrorm, thou wast o'erlooked even 
 in thy birth. 
 
 Quick. With trial-fire touch me his finger- 
 end : 
 If he be chaste, the flame will back descend 
 And turn him to no piain ; but if he start, 
 It is the flesh of a corrupted heart. 
 
 Fist. A trial ! come. 
 
 L '04 I 
 
Evans. Come, will this wood take fire ? 
 
 \^They hur)t him with their tapers. 
 
 Fat. Oh. oh, oh ! 
 
 A?ine. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire ! 
 About him, fairies, sing a scornful rhyme ; 
 And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time. 
 
 Song. 
 Fie oil sinful fantasy ! 
 Fie on lust and luxury ! 
 Lust is hut a bloody fire .^ 
 Kindled with unchaste desire, 
 Fed in heart ; whose flames aspire 
 As thoughts do blow them higher and higher. 
 Pinch him, fairies, mutually ; 
 Pinch him for his villainv ; 
 Pinch hi?n, and burn him, ami turn him about, 
 Till candles,and star-light, and moonshine be out. 
 [During this song the fairies pinch Falstaff. 
 Doctor Caius comes one way, and steals away 
 a fairy in green ; SLENDER another ivay, and 
 takes off a fairy in white ; <7//rf FeNTON comes, 
 and steals away Anne Page. A noise of 
 hunting is nnide within. All the fairies run 
 away. Falstaff pulls off his bud's head, 
 and rises.] 
 
 Enter Page, For<D, Mistress Page, 
 and Mistress Ford. They lay hold 
 on Falstaff. 
 
 Page. Nay, do not fly ; I think, we 've watched 
 
 you now. 
 Will none but Heme the hunter serve your 
 
 turn ? 
 Mrs. Page. I pray you, come; hold up the 
 
 jest no higher. — 
 
 [ i°5 ] 
 
Now, good Sir John, how Uke you Windsor 
 
 wives ? 
 See you these, husband ? do not these fair yokes 
 Become the forest better than the town? 
 
 Ford. Now, sir, who 's a cuckold now? — 
 Master Brook, Falstaff 's a knave, a cuckoldy 
 knave ; here are his horns, Master Brook : and, 
 Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of 
 Ford's but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and 
 twenty pounds of money, which must be paid to 
 iMaster Brook ; his horses are arrested for it. 
 Master Brook. 
 
 M^rs, Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck ; 
 we could never meet. I will never take you for 
 my love again ; — but I will always count you 
 my deer. 
 
 Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made 
 an ass. 
 
 Ford. Ay, and an ox too ; both the proofs 
 are extant. 
 
 Fal. And these are not fairies ? I was three 
 or four times in the thought, they were not 
 fairies ; and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the 
 sudden surprise of my powers, drove the gross- 
 ness of the foppery into a received belief, in 
 despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that 
 they were fairies. See now, how wit may be 
 made a Jack-a-Lent, when 't is upon ill employ- 
 ment ! 
 
 Evans. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave 
 your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. 
 
 Ford. Well said, Fairy Hugh. 
 
 Evans. And leave you your jealousies too, I 
 pray you. 
 
 Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, 
 till thou art able to woo her in good English. 
 Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and 
 
 [ i°6 ] 
 
dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross 
 o'er-reaching as this ? Am I ridden with a 
 Welsh goat too ? shall I have a coxcomb of 
 frize ? 'T is time I were choked with a piece 
 of toasted cheese. 
 
 Evans. Seese is not good to give putter : your 
 pelly is all putter. 
 
 Fal. Seese and putter ! have I lived to stand 
 at the taunt of one that makes fritters of 
 EngUsh ! This is enough to be the decay of 
 lust and late-walking through the realm. 
 
 Mrs. Page. Why, Sir John, do you think, 
 though we would have thrust virtue out of our 
 hearts by the head and shoulders, and have 
 given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever 
 the devil could have made you our delight ? 
 
 Ford. What, a hodge-pudding ? a bag of flax ? 
 
 Afrs. Page. A puffed man ? 
 
 Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable 
 entrails ? 
 
 Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan ? 
 
 Page. And as poor as Job ? 
 
 Ford. And as wicked as his wife? 
 
 Evans. And given to fornications, and to 
 taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, 
 and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, 
 pribbles and prabbles ? 
 
 Fa/. Well, I am your theme ; you have the 
 start of me ; I am dejected ; I am not able to 
 answer the Welsh flannel ; ignorance itself is a 
 plummet o'er me : use me as you will. 
 
 Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, 
 to one Master Brook, that you have cozened of 
 money, to whom you should have been a 
 pander: over and above that you have sufTered, 
 I think, to repay that money will be a b iting 
 affliction. 
 
 [ i°7 ] 
 
Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to 
 make amends : 
 Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. 
 
 Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven 
 at last. 
 
 Page. Yet be cheerful, knight ; thou shalt eat 
 a iiosset to-night at my house ; where I will 
 desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs 
 at thee. Tell her. Master Slender hath married 
 her daughter. 
 
 Mrs. Fagt. [Aside.] Doctors doubt that ; if 
 Anne I'age be my daughter, she is, by this, 
 Doctor Caius' wife. 
 
 Enter Slender. 
 
 S/eii. ■\\'hoo, ho ! ho ! father Page ! 
 
 d'age. Son, how now? how now, son? have 
 you despatched ? 
 
 .Sk/i. Despatched !— I'll make the best in 
 Gloucestershire know on 't ; would I were 
 hanged, la, else. 
 
 Fage. Of what, son ? 
 
 Sle/i. I came yonder at Eton to marry 
 Mistress Anne Page, and she 's a great lubberly 
 boy. If it had not been i' the church, I would 
 have swinged him, or he should have swinged 
 me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, 
 would I might never stir I— and 't is a post- 
 master's boy. 
 
 Fage. Upon my life, then, you took the 
 wrong. 
 
 S/e/i. What need you tell me that ? I think 
 so, when I took a boy for a girl. If I had been 
 married to him, for all he was in woman's 
 apparel, I would not have had him, 
 
 Fage. Why this is your own folly. Did not I 
 
 [ io8 1 
 
tell you, how you should know my daughter by 
 her garments ? 
 
 S/e/i. I went to her in white, and cried, 
 " mum," and she cried, " budget," as Anne and I 
 had appointed ; and yet it was not Anne, but a 
 postmaster's boy. 
 
 Page. O, I am vexed at heart. \\'aa.\. shall 
 I do? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry : I 
 knew of your purpose ; turned my daughter into 
 green ; and indeed, she is now with the doctor 
 at the deanery, and there married. 
 
 Enter Doctor Caius. 
 
 Cains. Vere is Mistress Page? Be gar, I am 
 cozened ; I ha' married un gareon, a boy ; un 
 paisan, be gar, a boy ; it is not Anne Page ; be 
 gar, I am cozened. 
 
 Afrs. Page. Why, did you take her in green ? 
 
 Caius. Ay, be gar, and 't is a boy : be gar, I 'II 
 raise all Windsor. [Exit. 
 
 Ford. This is strange. Who hath got the 
 right Anne ? 
 
 Page. My heart misgives me. Here comes 
 Master Fenton. 
 
 Enter Fenton and Anne Page. 
 
 How now. Master Fenton? 
 
 Anne. Pardon, good father ! good my mother, 
 pardon ! 
 
 Page. Now, mistress ; how chance you went 
 not with Master Slender ? 
 
 Mrs. Page. Why went you not with master 
 doctor, maid ? 
 
 Fenf. You do amaze her: hear the truth of it. 
 You would have married her most shamefully, 
 Where there was no proportion held in love. 
 
 [ i°9 ] 
 
The truth is, she and I, long since contracted, 
 Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve us. 
 The offence is holy that she hath committed, 
 And this deceit loses the name of craft. 
 Of disobedience, or unduteous title. 
 Since therein she doth evitate and shun 
 A thousand irreligious cursed hours, 
 Which forced marriage would have brought 
 upon her. 
 
 Ford. Stand not amazed: here is no remedy. — 
 In love, the heavens themselves do guide the 
 
 state : 
 Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate. 
 
 Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a 
 special stand to strike at me, that your arrow 
 hath glanced. 
 
 Pair/. \Vell, what remedy ? I'enton, Heaven 
 give thee joy ! 
 A\'hat cannot be eschewed, must be embraced. 
 
 Fal. ^Vhen night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are 
 chased. 
 
 Mrs. Fat^v. ^Vell, I will muse no f.irther. — 
 Master Fenton, 
 Heaven give you many, many meriy days. — 
 flood husband, let us every one go home, 
 And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire ; 
 Sir John and all. 
 
 Ford. Let it be so. — Sir John, 
 
 To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word : 
 For he, to-night, shall lie with Mistress Ford. 
 
 [Fxii/nt. 
 
 L I'o ]