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SAINT TERESA. 
 
 Published by Peter F. Cunningham, 817 Arch 5t. Philad-i 
 
LIFE 
 
 07 
 
 SAINT TERESA, 
 
 WRITTEN BY HERSELF. 
 
 TRANSLATED ER0M THE SPANISH, BY 
 
 THE REV. JOHN DALTON.^ 
 
 FIRST AMERICAN EDITION. 
 
 PUBLISHED WITH THE APPROBATION OP THE 
 
 RT. REV. BISHOP OP PHILADELPHIA. 
 
 PETER F. CUNNINGHAM & SON, 
 
 817 Arch Street, Philadelphia, 
 
 UOSTOH GULLE33 tlJSKAUX' 
 
 CXEaXJUT HItL, MASS. 
 

 PERMISSU SUPERIJRuM 
 
 * 214^0 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress in the y»ar 1870, by 
 PETER F. CUNNliNutiiiai, 
 
 tn the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the United States, 
 _itt sod for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania. 
 
PREFACE 
 
 TO THE AMERICAN EDITION. 
 
 The Life of St. Teresa, written by herself, 
 is now, for the first time, presented in the 
 English language to the American readers. The 
 preface by the translator, Rev. John Dalton, 
 of London, and which is here given, leaves but 
 little to be said by the American publisher. 
 
 Among the lives of so many eminent serv¬ 
 ants of God, few have been autobiographies. 
 St. Augustine, perhaps alone, in his confessions, 
 has preceded St. Teresa. This difference, how¬ 
 ever, exists between those holy writers, that 
 whilst the great Bishop of Hippo has left us 
 his Confessions, as a testimony of God’s won¬ 
 derful mercies towards himself, the blessed 
 Teresa wrote her life in obedience to the com¬ 
 mands of her confessor, and to explain the 
 marvels of God’s providence in her regard. 
 
 If the sixteenth century was marked by the 
 
 fearful heresies of Luther, Calvin, Munzer, 
 
 John of Leyden, and so many others, whose 
 
 • • • 
 in 
 
IV 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 shoreless doctrines inundated society with so 
 many evils—during that very period, the church 
 seemed more than ordinarily fruitful with holy 
 and learned men, and institutions of the most 
 beneficial character sprang up in every direc¬ 
 tion. In that eventful century, arose the in¬ 
 stitute of St. Ignatius, giving to the church 
 her brightest, and most learned children, the 
 Jesuits. Then were seen in England, Sir 
 Thomas Moore, Bishop Fisher, and Cardinal 
 Pole. In Italy, St. Charles Borromeo, St. 
 Philip Neri, and Leo the Tenth, the patron of 
 learning, and the fine arts. Whilst Spain gave 
 to the church the great Ximenes, Sts. Ignatius, 
 and Zavier, Borgio, St. John of the Cross, and 
 the no less wonderful St. Teresa. 
 
 Seldom is the holy recluse an interesting 
 writer, or a pleasing author. Those virtues 
 which withdraw one from the world, and forbid 
 its enjoyments, seem not always the best cal¬ 
 culated to form literary habits. St. Teresa, 
 however, affords an exception. Her writings 
 evidence talents of a high order, and her 
 numerous letters attest a command of feeling 
 and expressions not only interesting, but in¬ 
 structive. Her great power, however, lay in 
 her wonderful capacity for prayer, and the 
 
PEEFACfi. 
 
 ▼ 
 
 facility with which she explains its gradation 
 and efficacy. 
 
 We must not expect, in a work of this ex¬ 
 alted character, in which the mysterious dealings 
 of God with his Saints are so familiarly treated, 
 to be able to understand or fully appreciate her 
 sublime, and, at times, supernatural language ; 
 but we can admire her piety and humility, and 
 learn to adore the providence of that God whose 
 wonders and mercies are so great. Her con¬ 
 stitution, naturally weak, and her body so taxed 
 by physical suffering, still endured beyond the 
 ordinary range of human life. This great 
 servant of God lived sixty-seven years, forty- 
 seven of which she spent in the severest 
 exercises of penitence and prayer. Her long 
 and severely exercised life in the service of 
 her God, should tend to correct that over¬ 
 weening anxiety on the part of so many modern 
 Christians, that will not suffer the slightest en¬ 
 croachment upon those gratifications which are 
 now deemed so lawful by a deceitful world. 
 
 J. P. D. 
 
 Feast of St. Philip Neki, 1860. 
 
t 
 
 TO THE MOST EMINENT AND MOST REVEREND 
 
 NICHOLAS, 
 
 CARDINAL OF THE HOLY ROMAN CHURCH, 
 ARCHBISHOP OF WESTMINSTER, &c. 
 
 My Lord Cardinal Archbishop,— 
 
 Your kindness in allowing me the honor of dedicating 
 this translation to your Eminence, calls for the expression 
 of my sincere gratitude. It seems fitting that a translation 
 of St. Teresa’s Life should, in some way, have the approba- 
 tionof your Eminence, who was born in the same noble and 
 Catholic land that gave birth to the Saint, whose wondrous 
 
 Life is now presented to the public. 
 
 Seville was one of the cities in which St. Teresa founded 
 one of her convents, where, no doubt, the spirit of the 
 holy Foundress still lives among her loving and devoted 
 
 Daughters. 
 
 And your Eminence can well testify how, in spite of wars, 
 revolutions, and the insidious attacks of infidelity, Religion 
 has still maintained her ground > while, in the midst of the 
 deepest poverty, and of innumerable snares and temptations, 
 the bishops, clergy, and Religious, have exhibited to the 
 world models of the most enduring patience, and of the most 
 
 exalted virtues. . 
 
 Deeply, too, has Spain sympathized with our late afflic¬ 
 tions and persecutions, and with your Eminence in particular, 
 
 for all the insults and calumnies which you have had to 
 
 • • 
 
 VU 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 • • • 
 
 Vlll 
 
 endure, but which have been borne with such fortitude and 
 meekness. 
 
 And just as days of joy and gladness are now begin¬ 
 ning to dawn upon Spain, even so do we rejoice that your 
 Eminence has lived to see the long-wished-for day, when 
 our own beloved Land has at length been restored to her 
 ancient and sacred Hierarchy, which we are confident no 
 £4 penal Laws” will ever be able again to overthrow. 
 
 May St. Teresa, whose noble soul so often sighed for the 
 conversion of heretical lands, intercede for our own dis¬ 
 tracted country, so long separated from the See of Peter. 
 May she intercede for your Eminence also, that length of 
 days may be granted you to labor amongst us, with fruit a 
 hundred fold. 
 
 I have the honor to be, my Lord Cardinal, your Eminence’s 
 most humble and respectful Servant, 
 
 JOHN DALTON. 
 
 ! ' . 
 
 I 
 
 i ’ 
 
Page. 
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 The Saint mentions how our Lord began to excite her soul, in 
 her childhood, to virtuous actions, and what great help her 
 pious parents were to hir, » 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 She relates how she began to be fond of reading romances, and 
 how necessary it is for youth to keep good company, 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 She mentions how good company was the means of re-awaken¬ 
 ing virtuous desires within her, and how our Lord began to 
 give her light to discover her errors, • 
 
 CHAPTER IY. 
 
 She relates how our Lord assisted her in forcing herself to take 
 the religious habit, and with how many infirmities His Divine 
 Majestv began to afflict her, 
 
 CHAPTER Y. 
 
 She continues to relate the painful infirmities she endured, and 
 the patience our Lord gave her, etc., .... 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 She mentions how much she owed our Lord for giving her 
 conformity to His will in such great afflictions 5 and how she 
 also chose the glorious St. Joseph for her patron, etc., 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 She shows by what degrees she went on losing the favors which 
 our Lord had shown her, and how wicked her life began to be, 
 
 47 
 
 60 
 
 55 
 
 59 
 
 66 
 
 73 
 
 79 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 She mentions what great good her soul received by not having 
 entirely given up her method of prayer; also, what an excel¬ 
 lent remedy prayer is for gaining what we have lost, . 92 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 She declares by what means our Lord began to awaken her soul, 
 and to enlighten her in such great darkness, ... 99 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 The Saint begins to mention the favors our Lord bestowed upon 
 her in prayer, and she speaks of the manner in which we 
 may help ourselves, etc., . . .... 104 
 
 - ■ (“) 
 
X 
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 Page. 
 
 She declares in what the fault consists of not loving God with 
 perfection in a short time; this she begins to declare by a 
 comparison, containing four degrees of prayer, . . 110 
 
 CHAPTER XII. , 
 
 The Saint continues her discourse on the first degree of prayer, 119 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 She continues the first degree of prayer, and gives advice 
 against certain temptations, which are sometimes brought on 
 by the devil,.123 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. . 
 
 The Saint begins to explain the second degree of prayer, . 134 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 She continues the same subject, and gives some advice how 
 
 persons are to act in the prayer of quiet, etc., . . 140 
 
 CHAPTER XYI. 
 
 The Saint speaks on the third degree of prayer, . . 149 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 She continues the same subject, on the third degree of prayer, 
 etc.,.154 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 The Saint speaks on the fourth degree of prayer, . ' . 159 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 The Saint begins to declare the effects which this degree of 
 prayer produces in the soul, etc., ..... 167 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 The Saint treats of the difference which exists between union 
 and rapture, etc.,.176 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 The Saint continues and finishes this last degree of prayer, 190 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 The Saint shows how secure a way it is for those who give them¬ 
 selves to contemplation, not to raise their minds to high 
 things unless our Lord raise them himself, and how the hu¬ 
 manity of Christ may serve as a means of reaching the high¬ 
 est degree of contemplation,.196 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 3 l T ■ f . I • * '’ 
 
 XI 
 
 216 
 
 Page. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 The Saint resumes the history of her life, and tells us how she 
 began to aim at greater perfection, and the means she em¬ 
 ployed for this purpose, .. 207 
 
 CHAPTER XXIY. 
 
 The Saint continues the history of her life, and tells us how her 
 soul Was improved after she began to obey her confessor, 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 . t . i . I ' - - * 1 * 
 
 She treats of the way how those words and speeches are to be 
 understood', which God communicates to the soul without any 
 voice or sound being heard, .... . 220 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 The same subject is continued. The Saint mentions many 
 things which happened to her, .... . 232 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 The Saint mentions another way by which our Lord instructs a 
 soul, and makes her understand His will. She speaks also of 
 a wonderful vision she had, etc..236 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 The Saint speaks of the great favors our Lord bestowed upon 
 her, and how he appeared to her for the first time, . 247 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 , • 4 ■ 9 
 
 The Saint continues the same subject, and mentions certain 
 grfeat favors which our Lord showed her, and what He said 
 to comfort and console her, etc., . . . . • 257 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 She resumes the history of hej* life, and mentions how our Lord 
 remedied many of her troubles by means of St. Peter of Al- 
 
 cantara, etc., 
 
 265 
 
 Chapter xxxi. 
 
 She treats of certain exterior temptations and representations 
 of the devil, etc.,.277 
 
 CHAPTER XXXII. 
 
 The Saint mentions how our Lord was pleased to show her, in 
 spirit, the place which had been prepared for her in hell, and 
 which she had deserved by her sins, . . . . 290 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 
 The Saint continues the history of the foundation of St. Jo¬ 
 seph’s Monastery, etc., .299 
 
XII 
 
 CONTENTS, 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 
 She mentions how she was obliged to leave Avila, and the rea¬ 
 son thereof, being commanded to go by her superior to com¬ 
 fort a lady there, who was much afflicted, . . . 308 
 
 CHAPTER XXXV. 
 
 The Saint continues the history of the foundation of St. Jo¬ 
 seph’s Monastery, etc.,.. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVI. 
 
 The Saint, continuing the same subject, informs us how the 
 Monastery of St. Joseph was at last founded, . . 326 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVII. 
 
 The Saint mentions the great benefit she received from other 
 heavenly favors.—Many particulars are given respecting her 
 ecstasies and revelations,.. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVIII. 
 
 The Saint mentions some great favors which our Lord was 
 pleased to show her, in acquainting her with certain secrets 
 of Heaven, and by giving her visions and revelations, etc., 348 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIX. 
 
 The Saint gives an account of other miraculous graces and sub¬ 
 lime visions with which she was favored by our Lord, . 362 
 
 CHAPTER XL. 
 
 The Saint continues the same discourse, and relates some more 
 of the great favors our Lord showed her; she then finishes 
 the account of her life,. 375 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 1 . Historical notice of Sir Tobie Mathews, Knt. . . 387 
 
 11 . Notice of Mr. Abraham Woodhead, .... 394 
 
 in. Canonizatio Sanctae Theresiae Virginis, . . . 407 
 
 iv. Hymn of Saint Teresa,. 419 
 
 v. Canticle of Saint Teresa after Communion, . . 426 
 
 Vi. Letter to Father Pedro Ibanez,.430 
 
PREFACE 
 
 TO THE SECOND EDITION. 
 
 It is with an humble diffidence, united with a sincere 
 desire to make the works of the glorious St. Teresa more 
 and more known in this country, that I now present the 
 public with a Second edition of the Saint’s Life written by 
 herself. 
 
 To some persons, whose judgment demands respect, the 
 translation of such a life into English may appear quite un¬ 
 called-for. u How few,” it may be said, c< can understand 
 it! It is too dry, too extraordinary, too mystical for the 
 generality of readers. It may do a great deal of harm to 
 some persons. We want something more simple, practicable, 
 and intelligible.” Such is the substance of the objections 
 which I have sometimes heard urged against St. Teresa’s 
 Life. This is not now the place to answer them, though 
 how far the translation of such and such lives of the saints 
 may or may not be desirable, is certainly a subject which 
 requires much consideration. Every one is entitled to hold 
 and maintain his own opinion on the matter. 
 
 In my humb e judgment, I consider—at least I earnestly 
 hope—that the translation of St. Teresa’s life will do a great 
 deal more good 1o many souls than harm. This Second Edition 
 being called for by the public, shows an increasing desire 
 to become acquainted with the means whereby she arrived at 
 such a height of perfection. Those means are within the 
 reach of all, when aided by God’s powerful grace. St. 
 Teresa was no enthusiast. Amidst all her visions and rap¬ 
 tures— (which she never desired or sought after) — she 
 perpetually and emphatically inculcated humility, poverty, 
 obedience, mortification, cheerfulness, purity, resignation to 
 2 13 
 
14 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 the Divine will, and an ardent love of God, &c. Her judg¬ 
 ment and common sense were wonderful. 
 
 Earnestly do I hope, then, that my readers may derive 
 profit and delight from the perusal of this wondrous life. 
 The works of St. Teresa, we all know, are highly prized and 
 extensively read in Catholic countries. Year after year 
 they are becoming more qnd more dear to every devout soul. 
 And here I cannot too strongly recommend the new French 
 translation of the saint’s works, lately undertaken by the 
 Rev. Father Bouix, of the Society of Jesus.* It is certainly 
 most admirable. The good father visited all those places in 
 Spain that are consecrated by St. Teresa ; and above all, he 
 had the happiness of inspecting the autograph manuscripts 
 of the Saint’s writings, and of comparing the printed editions 
 with them. 
 
 The notes in the body of the translation are exceedingly 
 valuable and interesting. To have embodied only a part of 
 them in the present volume was found impossible, without at 
 the same time increasing the price of the work, which the 
 publisher did not \vish to risk. 
 
 I trust D’Andilly’s Jansenistical translation will now be 
 superseded altogether by that of Father Bouix’s. 
 
 JOHN DALTON. 
 
 Northampton, 
 
 Feast of the Immaculate Conception , 1854. 
 
 * Four volumes have already appeared—“ The Life,” “ The Founda- 
 tions,” The “ Way of Perfection,” and “The Letters.” 
 
PREFACE 
 
 TO THE FIRST EDITION. 
 
 To many it may seem presumption in me to have attempted 
 a translation of the Life of St. Teresa. I candidly acknowl¬ 
 edge that I myself have had the same opinion, for I know 
 nothing whatever about “ Mystical Theology and though 
 I have read several writers on the subject, such as Scaramelli, 
 Cardinal Bona, St. John of the Cross, Father Baker, the 
 Life of Balthasar Alvarez, &c.; yet I must confess, that 
 after all, I have very imperfect notions of the matter. “ How 
 then,” I often asked myself, “ can you venture to translate 
 a Life which is so difficult, so sublime, so extraordinary, so 
 different from the ordinary lives of the saints'?” Such 
 were my thoughts ; and so far did they prevail on me, that 1 
 often resolved to abandon the intention of translating the 
 Life, hoping that some one else, more competent than myself, 
 might, perhaps, sooner or later, undertake the work. Still, 
 with all my diffidence, I felt a secret desire not to abandon 
 the intention altogether; and I was encouraged therein, by 
 the very kind manner in which both Bishop Wareing and 
 Bishop Ullathorne, as well as several priests, whose judgment 
 I valued, spoke of my intention to give a translation of 
 the Saint’s Life. 
 
 I accordingly commenced, and was highly delighted with 
 the novelty of the undertaking. The edifying and interest¬ 
 ing account the Saint gives of her early years, and of the 
 means employed by God gradually to draw her from the 
 vanities of the world, quite enchanted me, especially as the 
 first ten Chapters are so very easy to translate. But when 
 I was led into the inmost sanctuary of the Saint, and heard 
 words uttered, “ Arcana verba, quae non licet homini loqui;” 
 
16 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 secret words, which it is not granted to man to utter; when 
 visions, and raptures, and divine colloquies, and all the 
 wonders of the supernatural life came before me, and were 
 related in abstruse words, and in a language I had never 
 been accustomed to, then I was indeed strongly tempted to 
 stop : and yet I did not. And why not ? Because, in spite 
 of the many difficulties I met with, there was a something so 
 charming, though so sublime, in the Saint’s narration ; the 
 heroic sentiments with which her Life abounds; the heavenly 
 virtues of obedience, mortification, humility, self-denial, and 
 divine love, which the Saint inculcates in almost every page; 
 the admirable rules she lays down for the guidance of souls 
 in the way of perfection : the excellent maxims of a spiritual 
 life, which her holy mouth so frequently uttered; these, and 
 many other advantages, induced me to persevere. I could 
 not resist the attractions by which I was surrounded. 
 
 But many imagine there is nothing “practical” in the 
 Life of St. Teresa, or in any of her other works; that it is 
 next to impossible to understand her account of the different 
 degrees of supernatural prayer, to which she was raised ; 
 that being continually absorbed in the contemplation of Him 
 whom her soul loved, she wings her flight too high for ordinary 
 mortals to follow ; that she hardly speaks of anything but 
 visions and raptures ; and hence, that her works are useful 
 and intelligible only to persons who have attained an eminent 
 spirit of prayer, and of these there must be a very small 
 number, even in religious communities.* 
 
 Such are some of the prejudices and objections which we 
 sometimes hear urged, and which we know are entertained 
 by many against the works of St. Teresa : but nothing can be 
 more unfounded and erroneous. There is hardly any modern 
 saint who displays more solid judgment and common sense 
 than St. Teresa. She is eminently 'practical. She is all for 
 action, “ either to die or to suffer,” were the noble words 
 that were always on her lips. “ Do you see Teresa of Jesus ? ” 
 exclaimed F. Balthasar Alvarez, “ what sublime graces has 
 
 * See these objections refuted in “ L’Esprit de Sainte Therese,” par M. 
 Emery, (Pref. xii.) 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 17 
 
 she not received of God, and yet she is like the most tracta¬ 
 ble little child, with regard to everything I can say to her!” 
 To speak here of her practical piety, and of those virtues 
 which every one may imitate by the Divine assistance, would 
 he too tedious. Those who have not the opportunity of 
 reading the high eulogium passed upon her by Ribera, 
 Yepes, Palafox, Villefore, Boucher, the Venerable John of 
 Avila, S. Antonio,* and the learned writers of the last mag¬ 
 nificent volume of the Bollandists, may form some idea of 
 those virtues which adorned her soul, from the interesting 
 life our own Alban Butler has written of her. Father Faber 
 very justly says, “ That she represents the common sense, 
 the discreet enthusiasm of devotion, and the interior life which 
 distinguishes Catholic asceticism and the mysticism of the 
 saints from the fanatical vagaries of the heretics.”! As 
 to the works of the saint, let us hear the illustrious Bishop 
 Milner speak : .... u I will venture to assert, that as 
 
 far as w r e can pronounce on the opinion of the Church, where 
 no formal decision has taken place, there are, perhaps, no 
 writings that have been more pointedly or more strongly ap¬ 
 proved of by this unerring judgment, than those of St. 
 Teresa. Her spirit of prayer, and the character of her 
 ascetical works, were not only examined and approved of 
 by the most eminent divines of the age, but also by a constel¬ 
 lation of her holy contemporaries, such as St. F. Borgia, St. 
 Peter of Alcantara, St. John of the Cross, and St. Lewis Ber¬ 
 trand, who were the best, because they were experimental 
 judges of the excellency of her ‘heavenly doctrine,’J for so 
 it is styled by the Church in the prayer inserted in her 
 public liturgy, after a second examination of our Saint’s 
 spirit and writings had taken place,&c. 
 
 Diego de Yepes says of her works : “ That they are written 
 with such simplicity and sublimity, with such sweetness and 
 
 * “Vita di Santa Teresa.” ( Roma, 1837.) This life of the Saint is very 
 valuable, and ably drawn up. 
 
 -j- Preface to “Catholic Hymns.” {Burns, 1849.) 
 t “ Coelestis ejus doctrinse pabulo nutriamur,” <fcc. 
 g Preface to the translation of St. Teresa’s “Exclamations.” ( Landon, 
 1790.) 
 
 2 * _ - - • 
 
18 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 beauty of style; and that what she says, penerates the heart 
 so easily, that it is evident she learnt her doctrine from 
 Heaven, and. wrote her works by the particular assistance 
 of the Holy Spirit.” This testimony is confirmed by St. 
 Teresa herself in many passages which I might quote; one, . 
 however, will be sufficient“ As our Lord said to me on 
 one occasion, that many of the things I have mentioned here 
 were not my own invention, but that He, my heavenly 
 Master, told them to me.” Lewis de Leon, to whom the 
 Saint’s works had been given for examination, and who was a 
 very learned and prudent Father of the Order of St. Dominic, 
 thus speaks of them, in a letter addressed to the Carmelite 
 Nuns of Madrid : “ I never saw nor knew the Blessed Mother 
 Teresa of Jesus, while she lived in this world; but now, 
 when she lives in Heaven, I know her, and do in reality see 
 her continually in two living images of herself, which she 
 left amongst us, viz., her daughters and her books,” &c. 
 
 How highly does St. Francis of Sales speak of our glo¬ 
 rious Saint, in the preface to his treatise on the “ Love 
 of God.” Bishop Palafox, in a letter to F. Didacus, uses 
 the following remarkable words : “ I never knew a person 
 who was devout to St. Teresa, that did not become a spiritual 
 man ; nor did I ever know a spiritual man who read her 
 works, that did not become more spiritual, and most devoted 
 to the Saint.” S. Antonio, in the fourth volume of his Life 
 of St. Teresa, gives many proofs of the great advantage the 
 works of the Saint are to the faithful. 
 
 But it would be superfluous to enter into more details 
 on this part of the subject. Every one knows that St. 
 Teresa’s works, and especially her Life, have always been 
 eagerly sought after by the learned and devout, not only 
 among Catholics, but also among Protestants. The many 
 editions which ha,ve appeared in Spanish and French prove 
 this truth. 
 
 I had at first intended to say something (in this Preface) 
 by way of explanation, respecting those sublime degrees of 
 supernatural prayer to which our Lord was pleased^ to raise 
 St Teresa. BuV when \ attempted to clothe my imperfect 
 ideas in words, I found how incompetent I was for such a 
 
A 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 14 
 
 task. Being immediately convinced of my utter inability 
 to do justice to the subject, I wrote to one of our beloved 
 bishops, who I am sure is quite competent to write a valuable 
 treatise on Mental prayer ; but he declined, through want of 
 time. No other alternative, therefore, was left, but to give, 
 in a few words, the substance of what St. Teresa herself has 
 said on prayer, and to refer the reader to some standard 
 works on the subject. St. Teresa commences, in the tenth 
 Chapter of her Life, to speak of prayer. She says that she 
 began to consider Christ as present in her soul, in the same 
 manner as she had been accustomed to do after communion. 
 From the twentieth year after she had first applied herself to 
 this exercise, she made little use of interior discoursing or 
 reasoning, to inflame her affections, for the intuitjve consider¬ 
 ation of any object immediately excited in her soul the most 
 ardent acts of divine love, praise, thanksgiving, and com¬ 
 punction. The tenderness of her love, and’ the deep sense 
 of her own sins and miseries,* constituted her prayer, without 
 her being obliged to have recourse to studied words, or to 
 long reflections in her meditations. “ This prayer suspends 
 the soul,” she says, “ in such a way, that she seems to be 
 wholly out of herself. The will is in the act of loving ; 
 the memory seems to be in a manner lost, and the under¬ 
 standing reasons not.” The Saint distinguishes four degrees 
 of Mental prayer, comprising the prayer of Quiet, and that 
 of Union. In the former, she represents a soul so perfectly 
 shut up within herself, as to receive no impressions from 
 without, the avenues of the senses and imagination, by which 
 external objects press upon her, being at that time stopped, 
 so that she then converses entirely with God alone. “ He 
 who begins this way of prayer (says our Saint, chap, xi.) 
 must imagine that he is beginning to make a garden, for the 
 pleasure aud delight of bis Lord, though it may be in a very 
 unfruitful soil, full of weeds. It is His Majesty who must 
 now be pleased to plant good herbs, and root up the bad 
 ones.But, by the help of our Lord, we also, must 
 
 -*• Though St. Teresa represents herself, through her most wonderful 
 humility,°as the most base and wicked of creatures, yet all her confessors 
 declared that she never coinmitted a mortal sin. 
 
20 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 be careful, like attentive gardeners, in seeing that these 
 good herbs which are planted may grow, and we must not 
 forget to water them, that so they may not wither, but bring 
 forth sweet-smelling flowers, which may give delight to our 
 Lord, and induce Him often to come into this garden, and 
 regale Himself with the virtues of our soul,” &c. She men¬ 
 tions how these plants may be watered in four ways: 1. By 
 drawing water -out of a well. 2. By means of a wheel, with 
 little buckets attached to it. 3. Or, by turning a small 
 stream into the garden . and, lastly, the garden is watered 
 when a good shower of rain falls upon it, for then our Lord 
 Himself waters it, without any labor at all of ours. The 
 Saint explains, (in the eleventh Chapter,) these four ways 
 more fully, to which I refer the reader. 
 
 In the twelfth Chapter, she says: “ In Mystical Theology, 
 the understanding ceases from working, because God sus¬ 
 pends it, as I will explain afterwards, if I be able,” &c. 
 By the term “ suspends,” the Saint means, that God repre¬ 
 sents to the intellect supernatural things in so clear a light, 
 that the soul sees them by an intuitive view, without dis¬ 
 coursing or reasoning upon them; and this, too, so strongly, 
 that she is not able to turn her attentiou to any other object. 
 But this operation is not confined to the intellect alone ; it 
 passes on to the will also, and inflames it. The understand¬ 
 ing becomes strongly fixed on the object which it sees, and 
 is astonished at the clear sight it obtains. The Saint calls 
 this suspension “ supernatural,” because in it the soul is 
 passive much more than active, though she may at the same 
 time produce acts of adoration, praise, and thanksgiving. 
 The Saint tells us, that we must not desire these suspensions, 
 nor use any efforts to obtain them, “ because the devil may 
 bring some illusion upon us.” (Chapter xii.) 
 
 In the thirteenth Chapter, she continues the explanation 
 of the first degree, and gives excellent advice against certain 
 temptations. “ His Majesty,” she says, “ is a very great 
 friend of courageous souls, provided they proceed with 
 humility, and not with any confidence in themselves.” Be¬ 
 ginners, the Saint remarks, particularly require a learned and 
 experienced director t “ for I have met with certain souls, 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 21 
 
 who have been afflicted and dejected, because he who had 
 the instruction of them wanted experience, and I was very 
 sorry for them.” Again, she remarks a little further on ; 
 “ I consider that a person who exercises prayer, and consults 
 learned men, will never be deceived by illusions of the devil, 
 if he have not a mind to deceive himself. I believe that the 
 devil is greatly afraid of learning, whenever it is accompanied 
 with humility, for he knows that he will be discovered in the 
 end,” &c. 
 
 In the fourteenth and fifteenth Chapters, the Saint ex¬ 
 plains still more at length the prayer of Quiet or Recollec¬ 
 tion, “ which is easily perceived by the peace and satisfac¬ 
 tion which is felt, accompanied with very great contentment 
 and calmness of the powers, and with the sweetest delight.” 
 In Chapter the eighteenth, she begins to speak of the prayer 
 of Union. It would be too long to give here even the sub¬ 
 stance of what the Saint says on this sublime degree. Alban 
 Butler has a very excellent note on this prayer of Union, 
 which I will take the liberty of quoting at length: “The 
 second, and more sublime prayer is that of Union. By this 
 term is not meant a union of the presence or place, by which 
 God is present to all creatures , nor that of sanctifying grace, 
 by which every just man is a partaker of the friendship of 
 God ; but this mystical union is that of the powers of the 
 understanding and will, which, by their vital actions, are 
 closely united to God The understanding, divested of all 
 corporal images, is penetrated with the clear light and in¬ 
 finite brightness of the divine wisdom, while the will is closely 
 joined to God by the most ardent love, which, like a fire, 
 consumes all earthly affections.”* But let us hear the great 
 Saint herself: “ The soul being in this state, finds herself 
 almost sinking under a sweet and most excessive delight. 
 She faints, and even the breath and all corporal strength 
 begin to fail, so that the person is then not able so much as 
 to move her hands without great pain. The eyes are also 
 closed, though without there being any intention of shutting 
 them; and when, by accident, they chance to open, the soul 
 
 * October 15. 
 
•22 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 sees nothing distinctly; and if she should read, she cannot 
 know any of the letters correctly. She sees, indeed, that 
 there are letters, but as the understanding does not give her 
 any assistance, she knows not how to read even if she wished. 
 
 She hears, but does not. understand what she hears. 
 
 As for speaking, it is vanity so much as to think ol any such 
 thing, for she cannot possibly form any words; and if she 
 could, she could not pronounce them, because all the strength 
 of her body is absolutely lost, on account of the greater 
 increase of tha of the sou:, that so she may enjoy her glory 
 
 the better.However long this prayer may last, it 
 
 does not put the soul to any kind of inconvenience, at least 
 it never put me to any; nor am I able t j remember, that 
 when our Lord showed me this favor, I ever found myself 
 the worse, however weak or unwell I might have been, but 
 rather my health was the more improved thereby. - nd, in¬ 
 deed, what harm can Le done to any one by so great a blessing 
 as this?” (Chapter xviii.) In the nineteenth Chapter, the Saint 
 explains the wonderful effects of the prayer of Union. To this 
 Chanter I refer the reader, who, if he cannot understand 
 all the sublime words the Saint utters, he will at least learn 
 to admire her wonderful sanctity, that deserved to be so 
 richly rewarded by her beloved Spouse; and he will, at the 
 same time, be astonished at the most profound humility of 
 the Saint, who became the more humble, the more she was 
 caressed and exalted. It was by the prayer of Union, that 
 she saw in such a clear manner the immense greatness of 
 God, the emptiness of all earthly things, and her own misery ; 
 for she beh Id herself covered with imperfections and innu¬ 
 merable sins, (so her tender conscience magnified them,) in 
 such a way, that she exclaimed , 6i 0 Lord! who shall be 
 justified before Thee? ” 
 
 Such is the short and very imperfect explanation I have 
 given of the prayer of Quiet and Union. The truth is, as 
 St. Teresa herself frequently mentions, few can understand 
 this kind of prayer, but those who have experienced it. It 
 may, however, be useful to mention some of the most ap¬ 
 proved writers on the subject, so that it any one should feel 
 inclined to study the subject, as it were, he may know what 
 
23 
 
 P REFA C E . 
 
 authors to consult. First of all comes theYenerable Father 
 Baker’s “ Sancta Sophia,” which is quite a treasure in itself; 
 besides containing many valuable treatises and rule's on prayer, 
 it also gives a translation of F. Balthasar Alvarez’s* account 
 of his manner of prayer, which he wrote by the command of 
 his superior. W hen we remember that Alvarez was confessor 
 to St. Teresa, and that she speaks of him in the highest 
 terms of praise, we shall know how to appreciate what he 
 says on prayer. Father Baker’s “Sophia” is certainly Me 
 best work we have in English on prayer: “ nothing is more 
 clear, simple, solid, or profound,” as Bishop Ullathorne 
 justly remarks, in a private letter his lordship kindly sent 
 me some time ago. 
 
 “II Direttorio Mistico,” by Scaramelli, is, perhaps, the 
 next best treatise, though I must confess it is very dry. It 
 is, however, a standard work. 
 
 There is an admirable, but scarce work, in French, en¬ 
 titled “ Secrets Sentiers,” which was composed by a holy man 
 named Barbason. It comprises everything on the subject. 
 I have already mentioned the “ Life of Balthasar AlVarez,” 
 which is exceedingly useful and edifying. 
 
 In German, Gorres has written an historical account of all 
 the principal mystical writers, in a preface to one of the 
 works of Suso. Benedict XIY. has treated the subject 
 with his usual clearness and learning, in his great work “ On 
 the Beatification and Canonization of the Saints.” 
 
 Cardinal Bona’s “ Yia Compedii ad Deum,” will also be 
 found very useful. It is written with great unction, solidity, 
 clearness, and learning. Other authors might be added, 
 such as Thomas a Jesu; Dionysius the Carthusian ; Gerson ; 
 Richard of St. Yictor; St. F. of Sales; Harphius ; Rus- 
 brochius, Taulerus, Suso, Blosius ; “ Scala Perfectionis,” by 
 F. Walter Hinton ; and lastly, the works of St. John of the 
 Cross, which I possess in Spanish, though I have not read 
 them.f I almost forgot to mention, that St. Teresa, in her 
 
 *- The life of this holy man has been written by Lewis de Ponte or 
 Puente, and translated into French. (Paris, 1846.) 
 
 j- See Father Baker, “ On Reading Spiritual Books/' <fec. (p. 85, cap, iii.) 
 
24 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 “Way of Perfection,” lays down many excellent rules for 
 mental prayer; and so also does St. Peter of Alcantara, in 
 his “ Golden Treatise on Mental Prayer.” 
 
 From the prayer of Union came those wonderful ecstacies 
 and raptures ; those impetuosities of the Spirit; those mys¬ 
 terious, yet familiar visions and representations of super¬ 
 natural objects; words spoken by our Lord to comfort or 
 direct her in her troubles and afflictions; revelations; in¬ 
 fused knowledge and understanding of the highest mysteries; 
 —all these, and many other wonders the Saint speaks of so 
 frequently, and with so much sincerity and humility, that 
 we seem at once admitted into Heaven itself,—into the very 
 sanctuary of the Divinity. God seems to have poured out 
 on the blessed soul of Teresa the plenitude of His choicest 
 gifts, so that she might with some degree of justice exclaim 
 with Mary, “ Fecit mihi magna qui potens est.” She sees 
 God as clearly as the prophets; she converses with Him 
 as familiarly as the patriarchs did : she speaks of Him as 
 learnedly and sublimely as the Doctors of the Church. 
 It is sufficient for us to remain at the foot of the moun¬ 
 tain, while she ascends the top, and hears and sees 
 things “ which eye hath not seen, nor ear heard.” Her 
 visions and raptures we are amazed at. But what we admire 
 still more, and what contributes more to our edification, is 
 to see that Teresa is in no way dazzled by such brightness, 
 nor elated by such loving caresses ; but rather, the more 
 she is exalted by her beloved Spouse, the more humble, the 
 more fearful does she become. I must refer the reader to 
 the twentieth Chapter of the Saint’s Life, where she men¬ 
 tions the difference between union and rapture. In the 
 latter, she says, “ Our Lord catches up the soul, (as we may 
 say,) just as the clouds catch up the vapors from the earth; 
 and so He, taking her wholly up from the earth, the cloud 
 rises up to Heaven and carries her along with it, and tie 
 shows her certain things which are prepared for her there.” 
 Again: “ In these raptures it does not seem that the soul 
 even animates the body; and so the body itself feels very 
 great trouble, through being deprived of its natural heat; 
 and it seeks to cool itself, though enjoying the most exces- 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 25 
 
 give sweetness and delight. Here there is no means of 
 resisting, though in the prayer of Union there is some remedy, 
 .... But here there is no remedy, nor any help; for the 
 rapture often comes, without our being able to prevent its 
 coming, even in thought. And there comes such a sudden 
 and strong impetuosity, that you feel the cloud raising itself 
 up ; or rather, this strong eagle takes you and carries you 
 quite away between its wings,” &c. The examples of certain 
 women, who about this time were found to be miserably de¬ 
 luded by the devil and their own wayward imagination, 
 greatly terrified our Saint, though at the same time she was 
 firmly persuaded her favors came from God. Passing over 
 the twenty-first and twenty-second Chapters, which are full 
 of the most sublime narrations, we find St. Teresa resuming 
 the history of her Life in the twenty-third Chapter. She 
 says : u This fear now increased to such a degree, that. it 
 made me inquire diligently after some spiritual persons with 
 whom I could speak concerning my troubles, and already X 
 had received some account of such persons.”* The first 
 person to whom she opened her mind was a gentleman whose 
 name was Francesco de Salsedo, a married man, who for thirty- 
 eight years had practised mental prayer, together with his 
 virtuous wife. Their piety was an example to the whole 
 country, and St. Teresa bestows on them both the highest 
 praise. This gentleman introduced her to a very learned 
 priest named Gaspar X)aza. But both of them, after an 
 examination of our Saint’s manner of prayer, expressed their 
 fears to her, and said, “ they thought there was an evil spirit 
 in some things, but they could not be certain.” This 
 judgment they formed, because they supposed that the ex¬ 
 traordinary favors which the Saint received were inconsistent 
 with all the sins and imperfections which she magnified to 
 them. Great was Teresa’s affliction and abundant her tears on 
 hearing what they said, though she could not persuade her¬ 
 self she was deluded by the devil. At length the gentle- 
 
 * She alludes to the Jesuits, who came into Spain about the year 1553. 
 The Saint always loved the Society of Jesus, because she heard what 
 holy lives the Fathers led: “ Era muy afficionada & quien, desolo saber el 
 modo que llevaban de vida y oraeion.” (Cap. xxiii.) 
 
 3 
 
26 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 ♦ 
 
 man above mentioned strongly advised her to consult one of 
 the Fathers of the Society of Jesus, (who had lately come 
 into Spain,) and were eminent for their experience in guiding 
 souls. He told her also to make a general confession to the 
 father ; to explain everything to him with candor, and to be 
 very careful in doing whatever he should command or ad¬ 
 vise her. St. Teresa did so; and the father assured her, 
 after having heard the account of her life, that her prayer 
 came from God; he encouraged her not to desist from her 
 present practice ; and exhorted her every day to meditate on 
 some part of our Saviour’s passion, besides giving her many 
 other wise and wholesome counsels. “ In all things,” says 
 the ^aint, “ it seemed to me that the Holy Spirit spoke by 
 the mouth of this father for the good of my soul.” 
 
 In 1557, St. Francis Borgia came into Spain. St. Teresa 
 was desired to consult him ; and having done so, he assured 
 her that “ the Spirit of God was the author of her prayer,” 
 &c. She was comforted by his words. But shortly after¬ 
 wards he was called away, to the great sorrow of our Saint, 
 for she thought she would never be able to find another like 
 him. Hei next director, however, was one according to her 
 own heart,—the venerable servant of God, F. Balthasar 
 Alvarez. He told her that she would do well to beg of our 
 Lord to enlighten her mind, and teach her what He willed 
 her to do, and that for this object she should recite every 
 day, u \ eni, Creator Spiritus.” While she was once reciting 
 this hymn, she fell so suddenly into a rapture, that she be- 
 came as it were out of herself; then she heard these words : 
 
 1 will not have thee hold conversation with men. but with 
 angels. These words were spoken in the interior of her 
 sou 1 and terrified her greatly, though on the other hand they 
 afforded her much consolation. Those words were also veri¬ 
 fied to the letter; for the Saint assures us that ever after she 
 (Could not entertain any particular affection for any one, 
 except for those who she thought loved God and wished to 
 se?ve Him I refer the reader to the twenty-fourth Chapter. 
 WUle Balthasar was her director, our Saint suffered most 
 grievous^ trials and persecutions for about three years, 
 orgh it was hei earnest desire that all her visions and 
 
»«ip « M 
 
 > 1 aS 
 
 
 BO. v 
 
 "V • -i 
 
 k' d 
 
 n 
 
 8 E8TJS UT MILL, MAiSS, 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 27 
 
 raptures should he kept quite secret, yet they soon began to 
 be known, in spite of all her precautions. The world is 
 always censorious,—more inclined to blame than to praise 
 and take one’s part. Accordingly, St. Teresa was ridiculed 
 in every place, and censured without mercy. Few had a 
 good opinion of her at first. She was called an enthusiast,— 
 a hypocrite,—and even a devil! She was shunned as 
 something unclean ; as one who had dealings with the prince 
 of darkness. Six individuals consulted together, and de¬ 
 cided that she was evidently deluded by the devil; and they 
 prevailed on F. Balthasar to command her “ not to communi¬ 
 cate so frequently; not to live so retired, nor prolong her 
 meditations beyond the usual time,” &c. Her confessor, 
 however, consoled her to the best of his power; bade her 
 not despond, nor lose her courage ; for even if she were de¬ 
 luded by the devil, he told her he could not hurt her, so long 
 as she endeavored to advance in obedience, humility, patience, 
 and divine love. One day the Saint fell into a rapture, 
 when her soul was in the greatest affliction, and heard a 
 voice interiorly, uttering these words : u Fear not, daughter, 
 it is I; and I will not forsake thee: do not fear.” Her 
 mind was instantly composed. (See Chapter xxv.) 
 
 Passing over many other things for the sake of brevity, 
 but which, I am sure, will be read with the deepest interest 
 in the Life, I must not omit the edifying account the Saint 
 gives us of St. Peter of Alcantara,* in the twenty-seventh 
 Chapter. This great saint visited Avila in 1559, being ap¬ 
 pointed the commissary of his Order. At that time St. 
 Teresa was suffering the most cruel persecutions from her 
 friends, and even from her confessors, as well as laboring 
 under very severe interior trials from scruples and anxieties. 
 A pious lady, named Guiomera d’Ulloa, and an intimate 
 friend of St. Teresa, who was also aware of all her afflictions, 
 obtained leave of the Provincial of the Carmelites for St. 
 Teresa to remain a few days at her house, that- so our Saint 
 
 * See the Life of this great saint, written by F. John of St. Mary, in 
 1619, and also by F. Martin of St. Joseph, in 1644 : there is likewise an 
 interesting account in Wadding’s Annals of the Franciscan Order, and 
 in Alban Butler, (Oct. 19.) 
 
28 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 might there have an opportunity of consulting St. Peter of 
 Alcantara. From his own great experience and knowledge 
 of Divine manifestations, he was easily able to understand 
 her, to clear up all her perplexities, and give her the strong¬ 
 est assurance that her prayer and visions, &c., came from 
 the Spirit of God. He even publicly declared, that, next 
 to the truths of religion, “nothing appeared to him more 
 evident than that her soul was conducted by God.” The 
 authority of so glorious a saint,—the reputation of his solid 
 judgment and eminent sanctity, gave his decision the great¬ 
 est weight, and completely turned the scales in favor of our 
 persecuted and afflicted Saint.* Still, the holy father 
 assured, her that her troubles were not yet over; for about 
 this time, besides interior troubles and temptations, the 
 blessed mother often met with exterior afflictions, and fre¬ 
 quently saw devils in most hideous figures; but she always 
 drove them away, either by making the sign of the cross or* 
 by holy water. Respecting the latter, the words of the Saint 
 deserve to be remembered : “ I have found by experience, 
 
 that there is nothing from which the devils so certainly fly 
 (so as to return no more,) as from holy water. They also 
 fly from the cross,” &c. 
 
 In the thirty-second Chapter comes the celebrated and 
 terrible description of hell, which the devils (as our Lord 
 gave her to understand,) had prepared for her on account of 
 her sins ; or rather she saw the p/ace which she was doomed 
 to inhabit in hell, had not our Lord delivered her; and she 
 also actually felt in her soul the torments of that frightful 
 piison. The different pains she experienced are described 
 with great force and earnestness, as well as the effects pro¬ 
 duced in her soul by the representation. The impression 
 could never be effaced afterwards : and from that time, she 
 tells us, “ she was in very great pain for the many soirls of 
 the Lutherans, who are condemned to hell, especially because 
 they were once members of the Church.” The impulses she 
 felt thereby to do good to souls, inspired her with the idea of 
 reforming her Order. Having consulted God on the subject, 
 
 * See Chapter xxx. Chapters xxviii. and xxix. must be react 
 very carefully. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 29 
 
 His Divine Majesty, one day after she had communicated, 
 commanded her to use all her exertions to accomplish this 
 object, promising her, at the same time, that the monastery 
 should certainly be established, and that it should be called 
 St. Joseph’s Monastery. In the thirty-second and thirty* 
 third Chapters, (which are additions to the Saint’s Life,) she 
 gives us a most interesting account of the foundation of- St. 
 Joseph’s Monastery at Avila.* It would be too long to 
 mention in detail all the trials and persecutions,—all the 
 slanders and reproaches, and the immense labors St. Teresa 
 had to endure in establishing this house. Every one seemed 
 against her at firsts the people of the town, her superiors, 
 the provincial, the mayor, the magistrates, the nobility, her 
 sister nuns,—a 11 protested against the foundation, not in 
 words merely, but by scoffs, jeers, laughter, ridicule, and 
 calumnies. Our glorious Saint, however, could not be 
 daunted ; her courage was superior to all their persecutions ; 
 and so calm was her soul under every trial, that she inspires 
 us with unbounded admiration for her heroic patience and 
 endurance. She simply recommended to God his own work, 
 and He was pleased one day to comfort and encourage her, 
 by these words, spoken to her in a vision : “ Dost thou not 
 know that I am mighty ? What dost thou fear ? Be assured 
 the monastery shall not be dissolved. I will accomplish all 
 that I have promised thee.” The new monastery of St. 
 Joseph was at last established, on the feast of St. Bar¬ 
 tholomew, in the year 1562, to the great joy and consolation 
 of St. Teresa. The people gradually became attached to 
 the nuns ; and they who persecuted them the most were their 
 kindest and greatest benefactors afterwards. They acknow¬ 
 ledged “ that it was the work of God.” (See Chapter xxxvi.) 
 
 Many Protestants will, no doubt, ridicule and disbelieve 
 the visions and raptures of our Saint, and call them all illu¬ 
 sions, or the result of an excited, enthusiastic, or weak 
 
 * In the same town was the convent of the Incarnation, in which the 
 Saint lived several years. Many relaxations, however, had crept in, espe¬ 
 cially that of admitting too frequent visits of secular persons at the 
 grate. The original rule, drawn up by Albert, Patriarch of Jerusalem, 
 was very austere. (See Yepes and Ribera.) 
 
 3* 
 
30 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 imagination. But it is one thing to assert, and another to 
 prove a fact. I defy any one to prove that the visions, &c., of 
 St. Teiesa were illusions. The raptures and visions carry 
 with them their own evidence; for, as Cardinal Bona ob¬ 
 serves, writing on this very subject, “ St. Teresa’s visions 
 and revelations were approved by men endowed with human 
 and divine wisdom ; and this by signs and marks which it is 
 
 worth one’s while to recount here.Now, that St. 
 
 Teresa s was a good spirit, and her revelations true, may he 
 proved by the following arguments:—1. She always feared 
 diabolical illusions, and therefore never asked or desired 
 visions. !2. She always besought God to conduct her soul 
 by the usual way, and only wished that God’s will might be 
 done. 3. She obeyed her directors most punctually, and 
 after her visions she advanced the more in charity and humility, 
 &c. 4. She was more willing to treat with those who were 
 
 less credulous and more suspicious. 5. She always made it 
 a point of duty to mention everything to her confessors; 
 wneieas the devil usually tries to conceal from others what 
 he reveals. 6. She submitted to be examined by persons 
 who at that time were eminent in Spain for their learning and 
 piety; such as St. Peter of Alcantara, St. F. Borgia, the 
 Ven. John of Avila, Balthasar Alvarez, Baiiez, &c. 7. 
 
 Her mind possessed the highest tranquillity and delight, 
 transcending all the consolations of the world. 8. She had 
 a most inflamed zeal for the salvation of souls ; most chaste 
 thoughts, a great candor, and a fervent desire after perfection. 
 9. Her visions came after long and fervent prayers, or after 
 receiving the Blessed Sacrament, and they enkindled in her 
 soul a most ardent desire of suffering for God. 10. She 
 chastised her flesh with fasting, disciplines, and hair shirts ; 
 she rejoiced in tribulations, detractions, and sickness. 11. 
 She lined solitude, and avoided the conversation of men, 
 and was entirely disengaged from all earthly things. VI. 
 Learned men never observed anything in her visions and 
 revelations which was contrary to the rules of faith or 
 Christian perfection.”* 
 
 * “ De Discretion*:> Spirituum ” (cap. xx.) These effects correspond with 
 those mentioned by Benedict XIV. (“De Canon, et Beatif. Sanctorum.”) 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 31 
 
 Gerson lays down a sure method of distinguishing between 
 true and false visions ; viz. if the person so favored is known 
 to advance in humility alone: “ Si unum hoc humilitatis 
 signum bene excuteretur et pateret, alias inquirere notas 
 aecesse non foret. Nam ex humilitate et superbia in rebus 
 spiritus facillime quis discat, quaenam verse sint, et quaenam 
 falsitatem oleant: ” such are his words ; and these cor¬ 
 respond with what our Saviour says, “ By their fruits ye 
 shall know them.” St. Teresa often speaks on the deceits 
 of the imagination and the fancy; and in the “ Book of the 
 Foundations,” she points out to her Nuns the great danger 
 of giving way to melancholy indeed, she was very careful 
 not to admit into the convent those who seemed subject to 
 it. She lays down as a rule, (( that if the person will not 
 observe what her confessor commands her, nor allow him to 
 guide her, it is either some evil spirit or a terrible melan¬ 
 choly.” (Foundations, chap, xiii.) 
 
 It is also very remarkable, that nothing was ever spoken 
 to her in any of her raptures, which was not afterwards 
 literally fulfilled. Thus the death of St. Peter of Alcan¬ 
 tara was revealed to her a year before it took place ] so that 
 St. Teresa says, “ When these words came from God, I find 
 the truth thereof in many things which had been told me two 
 or three years before, and they have all proved true.” (Life, 
 chap, xxv.) 
 
 The admirable letter which Father Avila sent to the Saint, 
 after having perused the account of her Life, also confirms 
 what has been said respecting her visions and raptures. I will 
 quote a few passages : “ The doctrine concerning prayer is, 
 for the most part, good, and you may well acquiesce in it, 
 and follow it; and in the raptures, I find the signs which 
 those have that are true. The method of God’s teaching a 
 soul without the imagination, and without interior words, is 
 safe. I find nothing to scruple at, and St. Augustine speaks 
 
 well of it.I think these things have benefited your 
 
 soul, and especially have made you know your own misery 
 and defects, and amend them; they have continued a long 
 time, and always with spiritual profit; they excite you to 
 
 ■n- 
 
32 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 love God and despise yourself, and to do penance. 1 
 do not see why I should blame them,”* & c . 
 
 When we remember how spiritual a man Father Avila was, 
 and how deeply versed in all the wonders of the supernatural 
 life, his words must have immense weight. In addition to all 
 these proofs, we know that the account of her Life was ex¬ 
 amined by the Spanish Inquisition, and much commended; 
 and above all, her doctrine has been styled by the Church 
 “ heavenly.” What stronger proofs can be desired ? Much 
 more might be said on the subject. 
 
 St. Teresa passed five years in her convent of St. Joseph, 
 with thirteen devout Nuns, who led the lives of angels on 
 earth. In August, 1567, the Saint founded the convent of 
 Medina del Oampo; after which came the foundations of 
 Malagon, \ alladolid, Toledo, Salamanca, Segovia, Yeas, Se¬ 
 ville, Ac. Burgos was the last, and the most trying and diffi- 
 cult.. And here I cannot forbear inserting the following most 
 edifymg account of the death of St. Teresa, translated from 
 the History of her Life, written by Ribera and Diego de 
 iepez, both of whom had been for some time her confessors. 
 
 “ After the holy mother had finished the foundation of 
 Burgos, she departed to Palentia, and from thence to Medina, 
 with the intention of making the best of her way to Avila, 
 where she was prioress, and there bestowing the veil on her 
 niece, Teresa of Jesus. But the Most High had appointed 
 otherwise, for at Medina she found Father Anthony of Jesus, 
 at that time the Deputy-Provincial, who, at the request of 
 e Duchess of Alva, had come to meet her there, on pur¬ 
 pose to take her along with him to Alva. There she was 
 carried in a litter, suffering great pains all the way, and so 
 much sickness, that when she came to Peynaranda, the next 
 town, she felt such excessive torment, together with such an 
 incredible decay of strength, that she quite swooned away; 
 nor was there anything to be found that could relieve her 
 sufferings but a few figs. The venerable Anne of St. 
 
 w * £ h °! e ° f , * is letter ma ? be found in the Preface of Mr. A. 
 Wnn^ ea( ! 3 tra £ sla * 10 . n , of the works of St. Teresa. The remarks of 
 
 \ir m> &o -’ are eice6dingi7 ™ iuawe - 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 33 
 
 Bartholomew,* her individual companion, was exceedingly 
 troubled, that in so great a necessity she could afford the 
 holy mother no better help. But she comforted her, saying, 
 1 Do not afflict yourself, daughter ; these figs are very good, 
 and many poor people have not such.’ 
 
 “ The next day on entering another town, they met with 
 nothing but boiled herbs and onions, to make amends for the 
 meanness of their dinner the day before ; yet, with these she 
 stayed her appetite as veil as she could, though such food 
 was bad for her health. 
 
 u lhe same night, being the Vigil of St. Matthew, she was 
 brought to Alva. She was then so spent and sick, that when 
 she came into the house she was persuaded to go to bed, and 
 take a little rest. The next morning, however, she got up, 
 and went to the church to hear mass, where, with great fervor 
 of soul and extraordinary devotion, she received the Blessed 
 Sacrament. She continued, sometimes better and sometimes 
 worse, till the Feast of St. Michael the Archangel; on which 
 day, after hearing mass and communicating, (which was now 
 her daily practice,) she took to her bed and never rose from 
 it again. 
 
 “ The three days before her decease she spent in earnest 
 prayer and devout supplications to God ; and in the morning 
 she called for F. Anthony of Jesus to hear her confession. 
 It is believed that our Lord had then revealed to her the 
 hour of her death, for some of the nuns heard F. Anthony 
 tell her, to entreat our Lord not to take her away so soon. 
 To whom the holy mother replied, 6 That she seemed to be 
 no longer useful in the w T orld.’ After this, she began to give 
 many excellent instructions to her daughters, saying : ‘ I be¬ 
 seech you, my dear daughters, to observe the constitutions 
 and rules very exactly 5 and I likewise beg of you, not to 
 
 * This holy servant, when very young, was one of the first who took the 
 habit in St. Teresa’s convent of St. Joseph, at Avila, of which city she 
 was a native. Her eminent spirit of humilty and prayer endeared 
 her, in a particular manner, to St. Teresa. After the saint had expired 
 in her arms, she was sent into France, with Anne of Jesus, and was ap¬ 
 pointed, by Cardinal Berulle, prioress of a convent founded at Pontoise. 
 She died at Antwerp, in 1626. (Note of Alban Butler.) 
 
34 
 
 PREFACE 
 
 regard the bad example which such a sinner as I have given 
 you ; but, in whatever I have offended, I desire you will 
 forgive me.’ So overpowered were the sisters with grief, 
 that not one could answer a word. 
 
 “ At five, in the evening, she asked for the holy viaticum. 
 As soon as the sacred pledge of our redemption was 
 brought into her room, though just before she was so ex¬ 
 hausted and oppressed with pain, that she could neither move 
 in her bed, nor turn from one side to the other, except by the 
 help of the sisters ; yet now she raised herself up in the bed 
 with such vigor and ease, as if nothing were the matter; 
 her face shone with unusual* beauty, and darted forth rays 
 of light, looking much younger than she really was ; then, 
 with a venerable look of majesty, closing her hands, she be¬ 
 gan to utter out of the abundance of her blessed heart, 
 certain sweet and amorous expressions ; among the rest were 
 these : ‘ 0 my Lord and my Spouse ! the desired hour I have 
 so long wished for is now come. Now the time is come when 
 we shall see each other. It is now time, 0 Lord! for me to 
 depart; happy and prosperous may the 'journey prove ; Thy 
 will be done. The hour is come at last, when I shall pass 
 out of this exile, and my soul shall enjoy, in Thy company, 
 that which she hath so much longed for.’ She also gave 
 thanks to our Lord for His goodness in having made her a 
 child of the Church, and given her the grace to die in its 
 bosom : she often repeated those words : 6 At last, 0 Lord ! 
 I am a daughter of the Church.’ With great humility and 
 compunction of heart, she begged of our Lord the pardon of 
 all her sins, hoping, as she often said, for eternal salvation 
 by the merits of Jesus Christ, humbly entreating her daugh¬ 
 ters to beg this of our Lord for her. She often repeated 
 these words : ‘ A sacrifice to God is an afflicted spirit. A 
 contrite and humbled heart, 0 God, thou wilt not despise. 
 Cast me not away from thy face, and take not thy Holy 
 Spirit from me : create a clean heart in me, 0 God,’ &c. 
 
 ‘ A contrite and humbled heart, 0 God, thou wilt not despise,’ 
 was frequently in her mouth, till her speech failed her. 
 
 “ At nine o’clock the same evening, she received, with great 
 reverence and devotion, the Sacrament of Extreme Unction, 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 35 
 
 joining with the nuns in the penitential Psalms and the Litany. 
 F. Anthony asked her a little after, if she wished her body, 
 after her death, to be taken to Avila or to remain at Alva ? 
 She seemed displeased with the question, and only an¬ 
 swered, £ Am I to have a will in anything ? Will they 
 deny me here a little earth for my body V All that night 
 she suffered excessive pains. The next day, at seven in the 
 morning, she turned herself on one side, just in the posture 
 and manner that the blessed Magdalen is commonly drawn 
 by painters. Thus she remained for fourteen hours, holding 
 a crucifix so firmly in her hands, that the nuns could not 
 take it away till after she died. She continued in an ecstasy, 
 with an inflamed countenance and great composure, like one 
 wholly taken up with internal contemplation. When she was 
 now drawing near her end, one of the nuns, viewing her more 
 attentively, thought she observed in her certain signs of our 
 Saviour talking to her, and showing her some wonderful 
 things. 
 
 “ Thus she remained till nine in the evening, when she sur¬ 
 rendered her pure soul into the hands of her Creator. She 
 died in the arms of Sister Anne of St. Bartholomew, on the 
 4th of October, 1582; but the next day, on account of the 
 reformation of the calendar, was the fifteenth of that month, 
 the day now appointed for her festival. The Saint was sixty- 
 seven years old, forty-seven of which she had passed in re¬ 
 ligion ; twenty- seven in the monastery of the Incarnation, 
 and twenty in that of St. Joseph.” 
 
 At the moment that the Saint expired, several of the nuns 
 saw many wonderful signs of her happiness and glory; a 
 globe of light raising itself in the air ; a dove mounting to¬ 
 wards heaven from the room where the Saint expired, &c. 
 A nun, who had charge of the infirmary, while sitting at a 
 window of the room where the Saint lay, heard a confused 
 kind of noise, as of a multitude rejoicing; and soon after, 
 she saw a great multitude of persons, all in white, glittering 
 with a wonderful splendor; entering the room where the 
 holy mother reposed, they surrounded her bed, as if they 
 had come to accompany her to heaven. A most agreeable 
 odor filled the whole house. The countenance of the Saint 
 
36 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 looked most beautiful and heavenly, not a wrinkle was to 
 be seen on it.* These, and many other things, are attested 
 in the Bull of her canonization. The Saint’s body was 
 honorably buried at Alva. On the 4th day of July, 1583, nine 
 months after her death, the coffin was opened, and the body 
 was found to be as perfect and incorrupt as if it had but 
 lately been buried. The scent from the body was wonder¬ 
 fully sweet. Before the body was enclosed in a new coffin, 
 the Father Provincial took off the left hand, which he after¬ 
 wards carried to Lisbon, for a monastery of discalced nuns 
 lately founded there. In 1585, by a decree of the Pro¬ 
 vincial Chapter of the Order, held at Pastrana, the body 
 was -secretly removed to Avila. The body was then ex¬ 
 amined again, and found in the same state as before, incorrupt, 
 and sending forth a very sweet odor. But in 1586, the 
 Duke of Alva, being quite angry at the removal of the Saint’s 
 body, obtained leave of the Pope to have it translated back 
 again to Alva, which was accordingly done, with great honor 
 and reverence; and there it remains, incorrupt, at the present 
 day. More particulars may be seen in Ribera, (lib. v.,) and 
 also in the Bollandists, (Oct. 15.) I should have mentioned, 
 that the heart of St. Teresa, (as it is credibly believed, and 
 can be proved,) was miraculously transfixed. The Church 
 alludes to this wonderful fact in the hymn appointed for her 
 festival: it is also mentioned in the Acts of her canonization, 
 and by Benedict XIY. The Carmelites in Spain say the 
 office of the Transfixion at the present day. 
 
 Many relics of the Saint are to be found in several parts 
 of Europe. Her right foot is at Rome; a middle finger at 
 Paris ; one of the shoulder-bones at Brussels ; and in Milan 
 and Venice are some of her teeth. In Naples, her scapular 
 is preserved; and at Paris her mantle. The two fervent 
 communities of Teresians in England, and some of the houses 
 in Ireland, also possess some valuable relics of their glorious 
 mother. 
 
 * (See Ribera’s Life of St. Teresa, in the Bollandists, lib. iii.; also 
 Yepez, lib. ii. cap. xxxviii. Villefore likewise gives the same account of 
 St. Teresa’s death, lib. v.) 
 
PR EP ACE. 
 
 ' 37 
 
 The original manuscript of the Saint’s Life, together with 
 her “ Way of Perfection, the Foundations, and the Manner 
 of visiting Convents,” are still carefully preserved in the 
 royal library of the Escurial. 
 
 The different Spanish editions of the Saint’s works which 
 have appeared, and the translations which have been made, 
 into various languages, sufficiently prove the high estimation 
 the world has formed of the Saint’s writings. To enumerate 
 all the different editions is unnecessary. In Spanish, the 
 following are the principal ones: Eborse, 1583 ; Salamanca, 
 1588; .Naples, 1594; Madrid, 1597, 1611, 1615, 1622, 
 1627, 1635, 1636, 1661, 1662, 1670, 1678, 1752, 1778, 
 1793, Brussels, 1610, 1612, 1674, 1675, 1684, 1740; 
 Antwerp, 1630, 1649, 1661. 
 
 Francisco Bordini, a disciple of St. Philip Neri, translated 
 St. Teresa’s Life into Italian, in 1601.* I believe there is 
 another Italian translation, but I have not seen it. An edi¬ 
 tion of the “ Foundations” was published in Rome, 1622 ; 
 and at Venice in 1636. Her Life has also been translated 
 into German, Latin, and French. Arnauld d’Andilly’s 
 translation was first published in Paris, in 1670; and since 
 then there have been several editions, one at Brussels, in 
 1839, and the last in 1840, published by the Abbe Migne, 
 who deserves much praise for his noble exertions in the 
 cause of religion and literature. D’Andilly’s translation is, 
 on the whole, not very faithful, for here and there several 
 passages might have been translated more accurately. But 
 the reader must be on his guard in reading his translation, 
 for as D’Andilly was a Jansenist, he tries to misrepresent 
 what St. Teresa says in several places. I am not acquainted 
 with any other translation of her “ Life” into French, 
 though several of her other works, including her admirable 
 Letters, have been translated at different times. 
 
 Several eminent persons have written u Histories” of her 
 Life. Among these, the first that deserves to be mentioned 
 is F. Ribera, so well known by his Commentaries on the 
 
 * There is also an Italian translation, entitled “ Opere Spirituali della 
 Santa Madra Teresa di Giesil,” (in 2 vols., Venice, 1690). Another trans¬ 
 lation was published at Turin , in 6 vols., 12mo. 1830-40. 
 
 4 
 
38 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 Holy Scripture. He was born in 1537. Having commenced 
 his studies at Salamanca, be was afterwards made one of the 
 Professors in the Archiepiscopal College of Toledo; but, 
 after a few years, he resigned this office, and entered the 
 Society of Jesus. He made his noviciate under P. Baltha¬ 
 sar Alvarez. After leading a most virtuous and edifying- 
 life, he died at Salamanca, in 1591. So great was his hu¬ 
 mility, that his superiors were obliged to command him to 
 publish his Commentaries on the Holy Scripture.* He pub¬ 
 lished all his works in Latin, except his “ Life of St. Teresa,” 
 which he wrote in Spanish, and which was published at Sala¬ 
 manca, in 1590. It has been translated into Latin, under 
 the following title : “ A ita S. Matris Teresiae de Jesu, auc- 
 tore R. P. I rancisco Ribera; ex Hispanico sermone in Lati- 
 nuni convertebat Mathias Martinez Colonics ji^vippincR^ 
 1620. 1 his translation is a very good one. The Bollandists 
 have republished it at the end of their magnificent volume 
 (page 538). In 1645, Ribera’s Life of St. Teresa was pub¬ 
 lished in Irench, by Pere de Bretigny, who was assisted by 
 D. Duchevre, with this title : “ La Vie de la Mere Terese 
 de Jesus, composee par le R. P. Francois Ribera, traduite 
 d’Espagnol en Franyais par J. D. B. P. et le P. G. C. C.” 
 The style is very antiquated. With regard to Ribera’s Life, 
 as he was St. Teresa’s confessor whenever she came to Sala¬ 
 manca, he must have had abundant means and opportunities 
 of learning many valuable particulars about the Saint’s Life. 
 These he relates with great fidelity and unction, though the 
 thread of his narration is often interrupted by pious reflec¬ 
 tions, and by a want of order and method; still the “ Life” 
 is exceedingly valuable and interesting. 
 
 The next writer after Ribera, is Diego de Yepez, of the 
 Order of the Hieronymites, and Bishop of Tarassona, in 
 Aragon, and confessor to St. Teresa and King Philip II. of 
 Spain. . Having the advantage of the labors of Ribera, and 
 possessing the happiness of being an intimate friend of St. 
 Teresa, he was enabled tx> furnish us with more valuable 
 
 * These consist of Commentaries on the twelve minor Prophets: on 
 bt. I aul s Epistle to the Hebrews; on the Apocalypse, and the Gospel of 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 39 
 
 details than his predecessor. The style is somewhat diffuse, 
 hut the Life is written with more order and judgment than 
 that of Ribera. Yepez dedicated his work to Pope Paul 
 Y. It was first published in Salamanca, in 1606, with this 
 title : “ Yida, Virtudes, y Milagros de la B. Yirgen Teresa 
 de Jesus.” Several other editions have been published in 
 Spanish. The Life has also been translated into Italian and 
 French; into the former, by Cesare Braccini ( Rome , 1623 ; 
 and Milan,. 1628). Giuseppe de Castro published a new 
 and more correct translation in 1733, at Rimini. In 1643, 
 P. Cyprien de la Nativite published a French translation. 
 The style is not at all pleasing. The Venerable Johannes a 
 Jesu-Maria published a short but admirable epitome ot the 
 Saint’s Life in Latin, with this title : 6( Compendium Vitae 
 B. Y. Teresiae a Jesu, Fundatricis Fratrum Discalceatorum 
 et Monialium Beatissimae Yirginis Mariae de Monte Car- 
 melo” ( Romce , 1609). 
 
 Several Lives of the Saint have appeared in French. P. 
 Francois de Sainte-Marie wrote a General History of the 
 Carmelite Order, in Spanish, and this was translated into 
 French by Gabriel de la Croix (Paris, 1655). But the two 
 other histories of the Saint’s Life are those by Villefore and 
 the Abbe Boucher. The former appeared in 1712, and is 
 entitled, “ La Vie de Sainte Terese, tiree des Auteurs ori- 
 ginaux Espagnols et jdes Historiens contemporains; avee des 
 Lettres choisies pour servir d’eclaircissements a l’Histoire 
 de sa Vie.” The Abbe Migne has prefixed this Life to his 
 edition of the works of St. Teresa. The Life is correctly 
 written, as far as I can judge, though it would have added 
 to the value of the work, had the writer quoted his authori¬ 
 ties. There are a few mistakes in the chronology of the 
 Saint’s Foundations; and many have also complained that 
 the author is too cold when speaking of her heroic deeds. 
 Boucher published his Life of the Saint in 1810, iC Vie de 
 Sainte Therese, avec des Notes historiques, critiques, et 
 morales.” I have not seen the work, and cannot therefore 
 pronounce any opinion on its merits. The Saint’s Letters 
 have been translated into French by two different individuals; 
 one is M. Francis Pelicot (Anvers, 1707), the other is M. 
 
40 
 
 preface. 
 
 elegant ’^f a ‘™> which is the most 
 
 include all the Saint’s le»I! But as ft did not 
 
 1748, translated by the Rev’ MoB? 0 ”'x, yo ! u “ e a PP e ared m 
 Morpeou, Superioress of th ■ p 0t , ber 4 Iane Marguerite de 
 she died in ^^^ ^ he Carniel.te Convent of St. Denis; 
 
 1 Should have mentioned Zi thU ? ex , cee . din ^>' we| l done, 
 is enriched with the valuabt “ ll"? of M - Pelicot 
 trious Bishop of Osina. b tCS ° f Palafox > ‘he illus- 
 
 m English. One by the ilbif • haVe been Polished 
 Mathews,* whose edition T ° bie 
 
 tions, though I tliinlr lira : * • - i 1 ^ b—o, Rs Dodd men- 
 
 published at Antwerp and’ f ° P t J he transIation was 
 There may have been two v bears ^ he date of 1642. 
 Flaming Hart or the Tifl r Ti| e title is « The 
 
 name is attached. ° 10 ® orlous St. Teresa.” No 
 
 Abraham Woodhead + '^Tht^ 11 l’ S ! >Y **!? P '° us and lear ned 
 
 StSTS? iiSVS I 676 ' ^Syrs 
 
 raptures of the Saint from t] ’ lln( ^ lcatin g the visions and 
 The merits of both the translaf aCkS °** ■ Protestant writers, 
 and fidelity, are I think T ! 5 as re £ ards correctness 
 
 “ast; 4 “5”S teS - T ~- 
 
 rents, and such as live in <>,„ e “ ayi "S ° f vertuous pa- 
 those favors which I received to S ether with 
 
 been able to have made nm good ^'"hfd'Tt W 
 
 " y i“r.c wi” 
 
 “SK ?■!■"*» toCJTij 1 
 
 Tohe Mat/lews’ The having of vertuous parents, 
 
 t See AppendixfVtf. 2 ™ aUth ° r in th ® A PP end ^ No. 1. 
 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 41 
 
 and such as live in the fear of Almighty God, together with 
 those favors which I have received from His Divine Majesty, 
 had been able to have made me good, if I had not been so 
 very wicked. My father was delighted in reading good 
 bookes, and used to have them in Spanish, that so his chil¬ 
 dren might also read them,” &c. (Chap i.) 
 
 Let us take the commencement of the second Chapter 
 from Woodhead :—“ I believe that a certain thing, whereof 
 I will now give account, began to do me a great deal of hurt. 
 I consider sometimes how ill those parents do who procure 
 not that their children should be ever seeing examples of 
 vertue, in all kinds from them,” &c. 
 
 Sir Tobie Mathews has almost the same words :—“ I be¬ 
 lieve that a certain thing, whereof I will now give account, 
 beganne to doe me a great deall of hurt. Sometimes I 
 grow to consider how ill those parents doe, who procure not 
 that their children should be ever seeing examples of vertue 
 in all kindes,” &c. 
 
 I might give many other passages, and compare them to¬ 
 gether, which would show a striking similarity of expression 
 throughout, making allowance, of course, for a difference in 
 orthography, considering that Sir Tobie’s translation ap¬ 
 peared several years before that of Mr. Woodhead, w T hich is 
 much more English and readable than Sir Tobie’s. But in 
 both the punctuation is exceedingly bad. However, as both 
 the Translations are on the whole very faithful, I found it 
 useful to have them by me, and compare and correct my 
 translation (as I sometimes did) with theirs. 
 
 In 1757, the Venerable Bishop Challoner published an 
 Epitome of Woodhead’s translation, which is very useful for 
 those who cannot obtain a copy of Woodhead or Sir Tobie’s 
 translation, both of which are now very scarce. Bishop 
 Challoner, in his Preface, pays the following very deserved 
 tribute of praise to Mr. Woodhead :—“ The life of the holy 
 Mother Teresa of Jesus, was published in our language anno 
 1671, by that truly learned and pious convert, Mr. Abraham 
 Woodhead, some time fellow of University College in Oxford, 
 a person justly esteemed, even by the adversaries of his 
 religion, for one of the greatest men that this famous uni- 
 4* 
 
42 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 versity ever produced. As he was not only master of the 
 Spanish, but withal scrupulously nice in not departing from 
 the sense or the phrase of the original, his translation may 
 be relied on as most faithful,” &c. 
 
 With regard to the present translation, it is not my place 
 to pronounce any opinion upon its merits. All I can say is, 
 that though I have endeavored to adhere to the original to 
 the best of my power, and to preserve the beautiful simpli¬ 
 city of the Saint’s style, yet we all know how much inferior 
 even the best translations must be to the original. But 
 there is a difficulty about St. Teresa’s Life which few other 
 works present; and that is, the sublimity of the subjects on 
 which she speaks : and this is especially the case in that 
 part of the Life which treats of the prayer of Quiet and of 
 Union. And if it be very difficult for the <£ unexperienced” 
 to understand what the Saint says on that sublime subject, 
 how much more difficult must it be to translate her thoughts 
 and lofty words into another language. Here I am afraid I 
 have failed ; I must have made many mistakes—many mis¬ 
 translations—many errors. In whatever way I may have 
 done injustice to the Saint’s Life, I humbly beg the kind 
 indulgence of the reader. I shall be exceedingly grateful 
 to any one who will point out the mistakes to me, and what¬ 
 ever else may require correction. Still, with all its faults 
 and imperfections, I trust the reader will derive no little 
 profit and delight from the perusal of a work, which, next 
 to the “ Confessions” of St. Augustine, is the most excellent 
 and edifying Biography of a saint that we possess. The 
 labor of translating it has indeed been great, interrupted, 
 too, as it was very frequently, by my missionary duties, 
 which required my chief attention. Still the labor has been 
 abundantly repaid by the pleasure I have experienced in 
 translating the words of so glorious a saint, and by the edifi¬ 
 cation I have received in beholding her heroic virtues, and 
 the bright example she still gives us all of humility, morti¬ 
 fication, self-denial, obedience, purity, and the most ardent 
 love of God, &c. I cannot conclude this imperfect Preface 
 in any better way, than in the words of one who loved St. 
 Teresa most tenderly and affectionately :— <£ Et tu, demon- 
 
preface* 
 
 48 
 
 tissima Virgo Teresia, fave, obsecro, huic scnpton tuo, qui 
 millenos calamos, ut heroica gesta tua oelebret eseroere cu- 
 pit Modicum est saue, nobilissima Virgo, quod extuli: 
 nimium parce scripsi: at, quidquid molm possum, exiguum 
 est .... Per illud ergo immensi amons mcendium, quo 
 in dulcissimum Deum deflagrasti, obsecro te, filio tuo manum 
 porrigas, et ad optatissiman urbem Hierusalem aeterna liber- 
 
 tate donandum recta perducas.’ . , 
 
 I cannot but express the great obligations I am under o 
 the Superioress of Mount Carmel and the Teresian convent 
 at Llanberne, for their extreme kindness in lending me many 
 valuable works connected with the Saint’s life; also to the 
 Rev. Claudio Lopez, late of Yarmouth, for his kindness in 
 explaining several difficult and obsolete Spanish words: to 
 the Very Rev. Dr. Moore, of St. Mary’s, Handsworth, for 
 lending me the Antwerp editionf of the Saint’s work (3 vols. 
 Spanish, 1649); to W. Archer, Esq., for the loan of the 
 last volume of the Bollandists, which contains everything 
 that is known about St. Teresa; and lastly, I return many 
 thanks both to Bishop Wareing and Bishop Ullathorne, tor 
 having given me their kind encouragement to proceed with 
 the translation. To Bishop Ullathorne I am indebted for 
 the loan of Mr. Woodhead’s translation, now very scarce. 
 
 I have annexed, in the Appendix (No. 3), the Bull of the 
 Saint’s canonization, by Pope Gregory XV., m 1622. 1 
 
 have likewise added (No. 4) the Saint’s celebrated Hymn, 
 both in Spanish and in French, which she composed extem¬ 
 pore in one of her raptures, together with an excellent Eng¬ 
 lish translation, by the Rev. Father Caswall; and also (Ap¬ 
 pendix No. 6) the letter which St. Teresa wrote to her con¬ 
 fessor, when she sent him a copy of her Life. 
 
 Bishop’s House, Northamton, 
 Feast of St, Teresa , 1851. 
 
 JOHN DALTON. 
 
 * « Compendium Vitae B. V. Teresiae & Jesu,” per Fr. Joan. & Jesu. 
 
 (Romse y 1609 .) ,, , . 
 
 f This, however, is not the best. I was unable to procure the last 
 
 edition. 
 

PREFACE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 I would have wished, that as my Superiors commanded 
 me, and gave me full liberty to describe the method of 
 prayer, and the favors which our Lord had bestowed upon 
 me, they had also permitted me to mention, clearly and in 
 detail, my great sins and wicked life. This would have 
 given me great consolation; but they would not allow me ; 
 rather they restrained me in this particular; and therefore I 
 beg, for the love of our Lord, that whoever shall read this 
 discourse of my Life, will notice how very wicked it has 
 been ; so much so, that I have not found any saint, amongst 
 all those who have been converted to God, from whose ex¬ 
 ample I might draw consolation. For I consider, that after 
 our Lord had called them to virtue they no more offended 
 Him: whereas, I not only became worse, but rather, it seems 
 to me, I even studied to resist the favors His divine Majesty 
 had bestowed upon me : and though I was one who saw her¬ 
 self obliged to serve Him the more, yet I was convinced 
 within myself I was unable to make any return, for the least 
 part of what I owed Him. 
 
 May He be blessed forever, who waited for me so long. I 
 beseech Him, with my whole heart, to give me grace, that 
 I may, with all clearness and truth, make this relation which 
 my Confessors have commanded me (and which I know even 
 our Lord Himself has long desired; but I could not dare to 
 venture upon it): I hope that now it may tend to the glory 
 
 (45) 
 
46 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 and praise of His Majesty; and also that my Confessors, 
 aung ereby a clearer knowledge of me, may henceforth 
 assist my weakness, that so I may be able to repay some 
 
 ittle portion of what I owe to our Lord, whom may all crea- 
 tures praise forever. Amen. 
 
 TERESA DE JESU. 
 
 
THE 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 THE SAINT MENTIONS HOW OUR LORD BEGAN TO EXCITE HER SOUL, IN 
 
 HER CHILDHOOD, TO VIRTUOUS ACTIONS, AND WHAT GREAT HELP 
 
 HER PIOUS PARENTS WERE TO HER. 
 
 As I had virtuous parents, and such as feared Grod, this 
 would have been sufficient, together with the other favors 
 our Lord bestowed upon me, to have made me good, if I had 
 not been so wicked. My father took great delight in read¬ 
 ing good books, and he had them in Spanish, that his 
 children might be able to read them. This circumstance, 
 together with the care my mother took to make us say 
 our prayers, and to show us the way of being devout to our 
 Lady and some other saints, began to affect me when I was 
 about six or seven years old, to the best of my remembrance. 
 I was also assisted by observing, I should receive no favors 
 from my parents, except I was virtuous, and they were very 
 virtuous themselves. My father was exceedingly charitable 
 towards the poor, and kind to the sick and infirm: and even 
 to his servants he was so considerate, that he never could 
 prevail on himself to keep any slaves, because his kindness 
 was so great. Once there was a slave in his house who be¬ 
 longed to a brother of his, and he treated him as if one of 
 his own sons, and said he could not bear to see such, unless 
 they were free—such was his compassion. He was a great 
 lover of truth ; never did any one hear him swear, or detract; 
 he was also exceedingly chaste. My mother likewise had 
 many virtues, and she passed through life under great infir¬ 
 mities. Her purity was beyond all praise; for though she 
 was very beautiful, no one ever heard she gave any occasion 
 to the least suspicion, or that she made any account of her 
 
48 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 beauty; and when she died, at three-and-thirty years of 
 h e r conduct was such as would become a much older 
 person. Her disposition was very sweet, and her under¬ 
 standing very solid. The afflictions she had to endure all 
 her life were numerous; when she died she made a most 
 Christian end. 
 
 There were three sisters and nine brothers; all (through 
 the goodness of God) resembled our parents in being virtuous 
 except myself, though my father loved me the most , and 
 truly, before I began to offend God, he seemed'to have had 
 some reason; for I am grieved when I remember the good 
 inclinations our Lord had given me, and the little I knew 
 how to make a good use of them. My brothers, too, in no 
 way prevented me from serving God. 
 
 One of them was about the same age as myself, and I 
 loved him more than all the rest j though, at the same time, 
 I loved them all very tenderly, and they loved me; myself 
 and my brother joined together in reading the Lives of the 
 Saints. When I saw the martyrdoms through which many 
 had passed, for the love of God, I thought they had pur¬ 
 chased very cheaply, the sight and enjoyment of God ; and I 
 myself felt a great desire to die in this manner; not , how¬ 
 ever, through the love which I thought I had for him, but 
 rather that 1 might, by so short a way, enjoy the possession 
 of those immense goods which I had read were to be found 
 in heaven. I, therefore, and my brother considered together, 
 what means there were within our reach, for attaining this 
 object. We agreed to go into the country of the Moors, 
 and to beg our way for the love of God, so that we might 
 be put to death there j and it seems that our Lord gave us 
 couiage in so tender an age, if we could have found any 
 means for accomplishing our object; but our having parents 
 appeared to be the greatest obstacle. We were greatly 
 amazed in reading, that both the torments a.nd glory [of the 
 next life] were eternal. Me often spoke on this subject, 
 and we took delight in often repeating these words : s< for- 
 
 Thesc words within brackets are not in the original, but have been 
 inserted to make the sense more clear. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 49 
 
 ever, forever, forever.” By pronouncing them over and 
 over again, our Lord was pleased to imprint the way of truth 
 on me in that tender age ; and now, when I saw it was im¬ 
 possible to go where I might he put to death for God, my 
 brother and myself tried to become hermits, and so, in a 
 garden, whic£ belonged to the house, we endeavored as well 
 as we could to erect hermitages, and collected little stones 
 for this purpose, which, however, soon fell dowti when we 
 piled them up ; and thus we could find no means of exe¬ 
 cuting our desires. But now it excites devotion in me when 
 I consider how soon God gave me these good desires, which 
 I afterwards lost through my own fault; I gave alms as 
 well as I could, though they were but little. I tried to he 
 alone, in order to perform my devotions, which were many, 
 especially the Bosary; a devotion to which my mother was 
 very much attached, and she endeavored to make us love it 
 also. I took great delight, when playing with other chil¬ 
 dren, in making monasteries, as if we had been nuns; and 
 it seemed as if I desired to be one, though not so earnestly 
 as I did those things of which I have spoken. 
 
 I remember that when my mother died I was not quite 
 twelve years old. When I began to understand what a loss 
 I had sustained, I was greatly afflicted, and I threw myself 
 before an image of our Lady, beseeching her, with many 
 tears, to be a mother to me. And though I performed this 
 action in simplicity, yet I think I gained benefit from it, for 
 I have clearly experienced the assistance of this sovereign 
 Virgin, whenever X recommended myself to her ; and, in a 
 word, she has turned me altogether to her. It grieves me 
 now to consider how insignificant those impediments were, 
 which prevented me from remaining constant and firm in 
 those good desires which X began [to have]. 0 my Lord! 
 
 since it seems Thou art determined to save me (and I be¬ 
 seech thy Majesty^ that it may be so), and to show me such 
 great favors as Thou hast already shown me 5 wilt Thou not 
 be pleased (not for my interest but for Thy glory), that this 
 
 * Your Majesty is a title frequently given by the Saint both to God 
 iud our Saviour. It is also applied in Spain to the Sacred Host. 
 
 5 
 
,)U LTFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 dwelling in which Thou so continually abidest, may never 
 more be defiled ? I am grieved even to say so much as this, 
 because I know the fault was entirely my own, since nothing 
 vas wanting on Iky part, that I might be wholly thine from 
 that age. And if I should venture to complain of my pa¬ 
 rents, this would avail but little, since I never saw anything 
 in them but what was good, and a solicitude for my welfare 
 also. Passing on from that tender age, I began to under¬ 
 stand the gifts of nature which our Lord had given me 
 (which were great, according to what people said), and in¬ 
 stead of giving Him thanks for them, I began to make use 
 ot them all in offending Him, as I shall now declare. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 SHE RELATES HOW SHE BEGAN TO BE FONT) OF READING ROMANCES, 
 
 AND HOW NECESSARY IT IS FOR YOUTH TO KEEP GOOD COMPANY. 
 
 It seems to me that a certain circumstance, which I will 
 now relate, began to do me great harm. I sometimes con¬ 
 sider what c\ll those parents commit, who do not always 
 endeavor to show their children every kind of good example ; 
 for though (as I have already mentioned) my mother was 
 very particular in this respect, yet, when I arrived at the 
 use of reason, I did not follow her good example as much 
 as I ought to have done, and, indeed, hardly at all; while, 
 on the other hand, whatever was bad did me much harm. 
 She was paiticularly fond of reading books of romance,* 
 though she did not imbibe so much evil by this entertain¬ 
 ment as I did, because it did not hinder her usual work, but 
 it made us omit many duties, that so we might read these 
 books. And perhaps my mother read them, that thus her 
 thoughts might not dwell on the great troubles she endured, 
 and her children might so occupy themselves as not to fall 
 
 * Books of knight-errantry were very common in Spain when St Te¬ 
 resa lived They were styled “ Romances/' because they were written 
 in the vulgar language, then called Romancierc. (See Alban Butler’g 
 note on the subject, Oct. 15 .) 
 
LIFE OF S Tv TERESA. 
 
 51 
 
 into other more dangerous things. My father,* however, 
 was so particular on this point, that great care was taken 
 lest he should know anything on the subject. But I con¬ 
 tinued in the habit of reading these books, and this slight 
 fault of mine, which I perceived in myself, began to cool my 
 good desires, and was the cause of my failing in other things. 
 I fancied, however, there was no harm, though I spent many 
 hours, both of the day and night, in so vain an exercise, un¬ 
 known to my father. But I was so addicted to.this habit, 
 that if I could not obtain some new book, it seemed to me 
 I could not be happy. 
 
 I began also to wear fine clothes, and to desire to appear 
 handsome. I took great care of my hands and of my hair, 
 and was fond of perfumes, together with all those vanities 
 which I was able to obtain, which were many ; for I was 
 very curious in this respect. I had, however, no bad inten¬ 
 tion, because I would not wish any one to offend God on my 
 account. 
 
 This over-great nicety about finery and neatness con¬ 
 tinued some time : and hence, those things which for many 
 years appeared to be no sin whatever, I now see how evil they 
 were. 
 
 I had certain cousins-german who frequently came to my 
 father's house ; and these only were admitted, for my father 
 was very prudent and circumspect, and would to God he had 
 been so in regard to those likewise, for I now see the danger 
 there is, in an age when virtues are to be planted in the soul, 
 to converse with persons who, not knowing the vanity of the 
 world, are the more inclined to excite others to throw them¬ 
 selves into it. They were almost of the same age as myself, 
 or rather a little older ; we were always together, they had 
 a great affection for me, and in all things I gave them pleasure. 
 I kept alive the conversation, and listened to the success of 
 their marriage-proposals, and such other fooleries that are 
 good for nothing; but what is still worse, my soul became 
 exposed to that which was the cause of her evils. If I could 
 
 * The name of St. Teresa's father was Alfonso Sanchez Cepe (la, and 
 that of her mother Beatrice Ahumada, She was his second wife. St, 
 Teresa was born in 1515, 
 
52 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 advise parents, I would entreat them to take great care what 
 kind of persons‘their children converse with at that age, for 
 great mischief may thence arise, since our nature is more in¬ 
 clined to evil than to good. Thus it happened to me. 
 
 I had a sister much older than myself, whose purity and 
 goodness I highly esteemed, though I profited nothing by 
 them ; but I received much harm from a relation of mine, 
 who frequented the house. Her conversation was so light, 
 that my mother did all in her power to prevent her coming 
 to the house, (she appeared to foresee the evil that was to 
 come on me;) but yet, the excuses of entering were so 
 plausible, that my mother could not refuse her. With this 
 person, (as I have said,) I delighted to entertain myself: with 
 her I-held conversations and intercourse, because she helped 
 me to pass away the time in everything I wished, and she 
 even enticed me into them, and gave me an account of her 
 conversations and vanities. Up to the time when I began to 
 be so familiar with her, (I was then about fourteen years old, 
 and I think a little more,) that she made me acquainted with 
 all her affairs ; I do not think I had offended Almighty God 
 by any mortal sin,* nor ever lost his fear, though I dreaded 
 more the loss of my honor. This had power over me, so as 
 to prevent me from losing it altogether ; and I think that no 
 consideration in the world could have made me change my 
 resolution, nor could my love for any person have induced 
 me to give it up. Would that I had possessed strength 
 enough, not to go in opposition to the Divine honor, as even 
 my natural disposition disposed me, not to lose that in which 
 (as I thought,) the honor of the world consisted, though I 
 considered not I had really lost it in many other ways. For 
 vainly upholding it I used all my exertions, but I took no 
 account of the means to preserve it; however, I used great 
 diligence and circumspection not to lose it entirely. 
 
 My father and sister were much troubled about this friend¬ 
 ship I had formed, and they reproved me for it very often ; 
 but as they were unable to remove the occasion of her coming 
 
 * Bishop Yepes expressly declares, in his Life of our Saint, that she 
 never committed a mortal sin. (Vida de Santa Teresa, cap. lii.) 
 
53 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 to the house, all their care was of no avail, for my quickness 
 and sagacity in everything evil were very great. I sometimeg 
 am struck with the evil bad company produces : and if I had 
 not experienced it myself, I could not have believed it; the 
 greatest mischief arises, especially in youth, and, therefore, I 
 wish that parents would learn experience from me, that so 
 they may consider this point carefully. The truth is, that 
 this conversing with the person above mentioned produced 
 such a change in me, that there was now scarcely any sign 
 left in me of my'former good dispositions ; and it seems that 
 both she, and another also, who indulged in the same man¬ 
 ner of amusements, impressed their character upon me. 
 Hence it is that I now understand what a blessing good 
 company is; and I consider it quite certain, that if, in that 
 age, I could have conversed with virtuous persons, I should 
 have preserved my virtue entire ; and also, if then I had met 
 with some one who could have taught me to fear God, my soul 
 would have advanced and gained strength against falling. 
 But afterwards, entirely losing this fear, the fear of losing 
 my honor alone remained, and this tormented me. 
 
 But thinking that such and such things would not be 
 known, I presumed to do many actions, both against my 
 honor and against God. In the beginning these things did 
 me harm—as far as I can judge; and they happened not 
 through the fault of others, but my own fault, since after¬ 
 wards my own malice was sufficient to commit evil, together 
 with my servants, who were always ready for every kind of 
 mischief. But if any of them had given me good advice, I 
 should perhaps have profited by it; interest, however, blinded 
 them, as my affections blinded me. And though I never was 
 much inclined to evil (for I naturally abhorred dishonest 
 actions,) yet I loved to pass my time in pleasant conversations ; 
 but being placed in the occasion of sin, the danger was near 
 at hand, and that brought my father and brother into it. 
 But God delivered me from this danger in such a manner, 
 that it seems clear He wished, even against my will, to pre¬ 
 serve me from utter destruction ; though matters could not 
 be managed so secretly but that my honor was stained thereby, 
 and suspicions were raised in my father’s mind. 
 
 5 * 
 
54 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 After I had been living about three months in these 
 vanities, I was taken to a certain monastery in this town,* 
 where such young persons like myself were educated, though 
 they were not so habitually wicked as I was. This removal 
 was done with great discretion and caution, for only myself 
 and a relation of mine knew of it. They waited fora favor¬ 
 able opportunity, that so the thing might not appear strange; 
 for as my sister was then lately married, it did not seem 
 proper for me to be at home alone without a mother. The 
 love which my father bore me was so great,* (and so also was 
 my dissimulation,) that he could not believe so much ill of 
 me, and therefore 1 did not fall into disgrace with him. For 
 as the time was short, though he might have heard something 
 ubout me, yet what he heard could not have been said with 
 certainty, because, as I took so much care of my honor, all 
 my diligence was directed towards keeping things secret, 
 while I considered not how impossible it was to keep anything 
 from Him who seeth everything. 0 my God! what evil is 
 done in the world through not considering this truth,— 
 through not remembering that nothing can be secret which 
 is against Thee! I think it quite certain, that great sins 
 would be avoided if we could understand that our duty does 
 not consist in keeping ourselves from the sight of men, but 
 in preserving ourselves from offending God 
 
 During the first eight days I was in the monasteryf I felt 
 very unhappy, and the more so, because I suspected that my 
 vanity was now discovered, and not so much because I was 
 placed in the monastery. And I now began to be tired of 
 my vanities, and to have a great fear when I offended God, 
 and I endeavored to u confess ” often. But eight days after, 
 and I think even less, I enjoyed more quiet and comfort than 
 ever I experienced in my father’s house. All the religious 
 were glad to be in my company; for in this respect our 
 Lord gave me the particular favor of always pleasing persons 
 wherever I might be, and thus I was much beloved, and though 
 
 * In Avila, where there was a convent of Austin nuns. Our Saint was 
 then about fourteen years old. 
 
 f “ Un Monasterio” signifies a convent as well as monastery. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 55 
 
 at that time I was quite opposed to my becoming a nun, yet 
 I was glad to see in that house so many good religious, of 
 great purity, and devotion, and recollection. 
 
 But notwithstanding all this, the devil ceased not to tempt 
 me, and to seek persons out -of the monastery to disturb me 
 with their messages; but as there was no opportunity for 
 them, they soon ceased: and my soul began again to accustom 
 herself to the good impressions of my youth, and I saw how 
 great is the favor God bestows on these whom He leads into 
 good company. It seems as if his Majesty l ad gone on con¬ 
 sidering and re-considering, how He could bring me back again 
 to Himself! Blessed be Thou, 0 Lord, who didst bear with 
 me so long! Amen. One circumstance there was, which 
 seems might have excused me, had I not committed so many 
 faults, it was this: that the conversation I held was on the 
 subject of a marriage, which seemed likely to end well. 
 Having informed my confessor of the matter, and also many 
 other persons, they told me I did not offend God. A re¬ 
 ligious slept where we secular ladies were, and it seems that 
 by her means our Lord wished to enlighten me, as I shall now 
 relate. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 SHE MENTIONS HOW GOOD COMPANY WAS THE MEANS OF RE-AWAKEN- 
 ING VIRTUOUS DESIRES WITHIN HER, AND HOW OUR LORD BEGAN TO 
 GIVE HER LIGHT TO DISCOVER HER ERRORS. 
 
 As I now began to take delight in the good and holy con¬ 
 versation of this nun,,I was pleased in hearing her speak so 
 well on God, for she was a very pious and discreet person. 
 As far as I remember, I was always pleased to hear her speak 
 [on heavenly things.]* One day she began to tell me how 
 she came to be a religious, which was by merely reading 
 these words of the Gospel: “ Many are called, but few are 
 chosen.” She spoke to me on the rewards our Lord will 
 
 
 
 * Not in the original. 
 
56 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 give those who leave all things to follow Him. Her good 
 company soon began to banish all the habits evil company 
 had led me into, and to bring back to my mind the desire of 
 eternal things, and also, in some degree, to divest me of that 
 a\eision I had to become a nun, which once was so very 
 great. Put now, if I saw any one shed tears at her prayers, 
 or perceived that she possessed other virtues, I envied her 
 extremely, though in this respect my heart was so very bad, 
 that were I even to read the whole history of our Saviour’s 
 Passion, I could not shed a tear: this gave me a great deal 
 of pain. 
 
 I remained a year and a half in this monastery to my 
 great advantage 5 for I began to recite many vocal prayers, 
 and prevailed on all the nuns to recommend me to God, that 
 He might place me in such a state of life, wherein I could 
 ser v e Him. But, still, I wished not to be a nun, and that 
 this might not be the state which God would appoint for me. 
 I was, however, afraid to marry. But at the end of the 
 time I was in the monastery, I had a greater desire to be a 
 religious, though not in that house, because the virtues there 
 practiced were too high for me, and their mortifications 
 seemed excessive in the extreme. Some of the younger 
 nuns also encouraged me in these ideas ; but if all had been"of 
 the same opinion, I should have gained much by it. I had like¬ 
 wise a great friend in another monastery, and this was partly a 
 reason which induced me not to wish to be a nun, except in 
 the house where this person lived, that is, if I were to be a 
 nun at all. I had more regard for the pleasure of my 
 sensuality and vanity, than for the welfare of my soul. These 
 good thoughts, however, of being a nun, sometimes came into 
 my mind, and went away immediately, so that I could not yet 
 persuade myself to be one. 
 
 At this period, though I was not without solicitude for a 
 remedy, yet our Lord was more desirous of disposing me for 
 that state which was the best for my soul. I became so un- 
 well, that I was obliged to return to my father’s house. 
 When I recovered, I was taken to my sister’s house on a 
 visit; she resided in the country, and great was the love I 
 had for her 5 and if she could have had her will, I should 
 
57 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 iiever have left her. Her husband also loved me much, at 
 least he showed me every kindness and attention ; and even 
 for this I am indebted to our Lord, since in every place I 
 am always treated kindly, notwithstanding I have been as 
 ungrateful for this favor as I have for all others. 
 
 On the way to my sister, my father’s brother* resided— 
 a very discreet and virtuous man. He was a widower, and 
 cur Lord was disposing him for Himself, for in his de¬ 
 clining year he left everything^ became a religious, and 
 ended his days in such a manner, that I believe he now en¬ 
 joys the sight of God. But as I passed, he wished me to 
 remain a few days with him. It was his custom to read 
 good books in Spanish; and his usual discourse was on God 
 and on the vanity of the world. Those books he made me 
 also read 5 and though I had no great liking for them, yet I 
 pretended I had ; for I always took the greatest care to give 
 pleasure to others, however dear it might cost me: hence, 
 what in others would have been virtue, in me was a fault, 
 because T often conducted myself without discretion. 0 my 
 God ! by what means and ways didst thy Majesty go on, 
 disposing me for that state in which Thou wert pleased I 
 should serve Thee ! Thou didst even force me, against my 
 will, to do violence to myself. Be Thou blessed forever. 
 Amen. Though I remained but a short time in this place, 
 yet such was the effect produced in my heart by the words 
 of God, which I both heard and read, and also by the good 
 company I had been in, that I came to understand those 
 truths I had learnt when a child, viz., that all things were 
 nothing ; how great was the vanity of the world; how it 
 would shortly end; and that I had just reason to fear, if I 
 died (in my present state), I should be sent to hell. But 
 though my will did not yet wholly incline me to be a nun, 
 yet I clearly saw it was the better and more secure state ; 
 and so by little and littie I resolved to force myself to em¬ 
 brace it. 
 
 In this battle I continued three months, urging myself to 
 the religious state by these reasons; the labors and trouble 
 
 * His name was Pedro Sanchez de Cepeda. 
 
58 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 of being a nun could not be greater than the pains of purga¬ 
 tory ; and that as I had justly deserved hell, it should not 
 be considered much, if, while I lived, I remained, as it were, 
 in purgatory, that so afterwards I might go straight to 
 heaven. Such was my desire ;. but in this inclination to em¬ 
 brace the religious life, it seems to me that I was more in¬ 
 fluenced by servile fear than by love. 
 
 The devil, in the meantime, represented to me that I 
 should never be able to endure the difficulties of the reli¬ 
 gious state, because I was so delicately brought up. But 
 against these suggestions I defended myself, by remembering 
 the labors and sufferings of our Lord, and that it would not 
 be much for me to endure some ft r the love of Him: I 
 should also have recollected, that he would give me strength 
 to endure them (for I forget whether I had this thought); 
 but I am sure I had many temptations at this time. Faint¬ 
 ing fits, accompanied with burning fevers, began also to seize 
 me, f r I always had very bad health. But I was supported 
 by having become, at this period, fond of good books. I 
 read the “ Epistles”* of St. Jerome, which encouraged me 
 to such a degree, as to make me resolve to acquaint my 
 fainer with my intention, which was for me almost the same 
 as taking the habit; for I was so nice about my word of 
 honor, that it seems to me, when once I had given my word, 
 I could never on any account withdraw it. But my father 
 loved me so much, that I could not by any means gain his 
 consent; neither was the entreaty of other persons, whom I 
 induced to speak to him, of any avail. The most that I 
 could obtain from him was, that after his death I might do 
 as I pleased. I feared, however, my own weakness, lest I 
 should fall back again; and so I thought it better not to 
 accept the condition, and therefore I endeavored to gain my 
 object in another way, as I shall now relate. 
 
 * “ St. Jerome, when in Rome, had the care of many devout ladies, as 
 Lea, Fabiola, Laeta, Paula, Eustochium, <fcc., to whom many of his most 
 edifying and valuableJetters are addressed. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 59 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 SHE DELATES HOW OUR LORD ASSISTED HER IN FORCING HERSELF 
 
 TO TAKE THE RELIGIOUS HABIT, AND WITH HOW MANY IDFIRMI- 
 
 TIES HIS DIVINE MAJESTY BEGAN TO AFFLICT HER. 
 
 At this time, while I was continuing in the resolution 
 mentioned above, I persuaded one of my brothers to become 
 a religious, having spoken to him on the vanity of the world, 
 &c. VVe both agreed to go very early one morning to the 
 monastery where that friend of mine was, to whom I bore 
 such a particular affection. My resolution, however, was 
 now so great, that I would willingly live wherever I could 
 serve God the best, or my father wished me to go; for now 
 I paid more attention to the welfare of my soul, and made 
 no account of rest or ease. I remember (as far as I can call 
 to mind, and without any concealment of the truth), that 
 when I was leaving my father’s house, I believe that at my 
 death my feelings will not be greater than they were then; 
 for it seems to me, that every bone in my body was then 
 disjointed ; and as I had no love of God to remove the love 
 I had for my father and friends, all which I did then was 
 with such great violence, that if our Lord had not helped 
 me, my own considerations would never have been able to 
 advance me forward : but he gave me such courage against 
 myself, that I was enabled to execute my resolution. 
 
 In taking the habit, our Lord immediately gave me to under¬ 
 stand how much He favors those who do violence to them¬ 
 selves in order to serve him ; though no one noticed any¬ 
 thing in me but a most ardent desire (to enter on a religious 
 life). He then gave me such feelings of delight, in having 
 attained this state, as have never left me up to this day. He 
 also changed that dryness in which my soul had formerly 
 been, into an extreme tenderness, while all the observances 
 of religion delighted me. It is likewise true, that sometimes 
 when I was sweeping the floor—during the very time in 
 which I used once to be occupied with dress and vanities, 
 but that now remembering how I was free from them—a new 
 joy was given to me; so great, that I was amazed, and knew 
 
60 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 not whence it came. When I remembered these things, 
 nothing could present itself before me, however difficult, 
 which I should not willingly have attempted; for 1 now 
 have experience in numerous cases to assure me, that since 
 God helped me in the beginning to resolve to do what I have 
 done, His Majesty will also be pleased, even in this life, to 
 repay us by such means as he only can understand who en¬ 
 joys them (and our actions being done only for the love of 
 God, He ordains for our greater good afterwards, that our 
 souls should be in some trouble and terror at first; and the 
 greater the trouble is, the greater and the sweeter will be 
 the reward, if we persevere). This I have found true by 
 experience (as I have said) in many important cases; and, 
 therefore, if I were a person who could give an opinion, I 
 would never advise any one, when a good inspiration often 
 comes upon him, to throw it aside through fear of not being 
 able to put it into execution; for if he go on solely and 
 purely for God’s sake, there need be no fear of success, 
 since our Lord is powerful to do all things. May he be 
 blessed forever. Amen. 
 
 The favors which Thou, 0! my Sovereign Good, and 
 repose of my soul, hast hitherto bestowed upon me through 
 thy own goodness and greatness, ought to have been suffi¬ 
 cient to have drawn me, by so many ways, to a secure state 
 of life, and to a house where there are many servants of 
 thine, from whom I could learn how to advance in thy ser¬ 
 vice. But I know not how to pass on to anything else, 
 when I remember the circumstance of my profession, and 
 the strong resolution, and the great pleasure wherewith I 
 made it, and the espousals I entered into with Thee: but 
 of this I cannot speak without tears, even of blood; with- 
 . out my very heart breaking (and this would not be any¬ 
 thing sufficient to testify my grief), when I think how I 
 offended Thee afterwards. It now seems to me, that I had 
 reason before, in not desiring so great a dignity, since I 
 should have made such a bad use of it. But Thou, 0 my 
 Lord! wast pleased, during almost all the twenty years in 
 which I abused this favor, to be the person insulted, in order 
 that I might become better. It seems now, 0 my God! 
 that I made no promise, except not to observe what I had 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 61 
 
 promised Thee, though at that time my intention was not 
 such. But I see that afterwards my actions were such, that 
 I knew not what intention I had; and thus it is more clearly 
 seen who thou art, 0 my Spouse ! and who I am! It is 
 quite true, that the sorrow for my great sins is often tem¬ 
 pered by the pleasure which this consideration »giyes me, viz., 
 that my sins will only make more manifest the multitude of 
 thy mercies. For in whom, 0 Lord, can they shine more 
 brightly than in me , who, by my evil actions, have so greatly 
 obscured all the immense favors which Thou didst begin to 
 show to me ? Alas for me, 0 my Creator! if I wish to 
 make any excuse, I can find none; nor can any one be 
 blamed but myself; and if I should endeavor to return Thee 
 any part of that love which Thou didst begin to show me, I 
 could not centre it on any one except Thee, and thus every¬ 
 thing would be remedied : but since I do not deserve this, 
 nor ever had such a happiness, may Thy mercy now supply 
 for all my deficiencies. 
 
 My change of life and food began, at this time, to injure 
 my health, for though the pleasure I experienced was great, 
 it was not sufficient. Fits of fainting again began to in¬ 
 crease on me, accompanied with such a violent palpitation of 
 the heart, as amazed every one who saw me: I also had 
 many other infirmities, and thus I passed the first year with 
 very bad health, though during this period I think I did not 
 offend God much; but as my infirmity was so great, that it 
 almost always nearly deprived me of my senses, and some¬ 
 times entirely took them away; so great likewise was the 
 diligence used by my father, in seeking a remedy. Since, 
 however, the doctors in the place could not find any relief 
 for me, my father ordered me to be removed to a place 
 which had a high reputation for having cured other persons 
 of their infirmities, and so I was assured mine also would be 
 cured. 
 
 The friend of whom I spoke before as living in the house 
 accompanied me, for she was advanced in years ; and in the 
 monastery where she lived, no vows of enclosure were taken. 
 I remained almost a year in this place, and during three 
 months of it I suffered such excessive torments by the severe 
 remedies applied, that I know not how I was able to endure 
 6 
 
62 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA* 
 
 them; and though I did endure them, yet it was not my 
 body which bore them, as I shall now relate. 
 
 This cure was to have commenced in the beginning of 
 summer, and I went in the beginning of winter: all this 
 time I remained in the house of that sister of whom I have 
 spoken before, who lived in the country: I waited till April, 
 being near the place, that so I might not be obliged to be 
 going and coming to and fro. When I was leaving my uncle 
 (whom I mentioned as having visited on the way), he gave 
 me a book called “ The Third Alphabet,”* which treated 
 of the prayer of recollection. Now, though in the first year 
 I had read some good books, and did not wish to read any 
 others (for I already knew the harm they had done me); yet 
 I knew not how to proceed in prayer, nor how to acquire 
 recollection ; and so I was very glad to have this book, and 
 was determined to follow that way (of prayer) to the best 
 of my power; and sinoe our Lord was already pleased to 
 bestow the gift of tears upon me, and as I delighted also in 
 reading, I began to spend some time in solitude, and to 
 “ confess” very often, and to commence following that path; 
 as I considered this book to be my guide, because I could 
 meet with no other master, I mean no director who could 
 understand me, though I endeavored to find one for the space 
 of twenty years after this time. This misfortune did me 
 much harm, and often made me turn back, yea, even to lose 
 myself entirely; but a good director would have daily assisted 
 me in flying those occasions, by which I offended God. 
 
 In these beginnings, His Majesty began to confer on me 
 such great favors, that at the end of the time I remained 
 there in this solitude, (which was about nine months,) though 
 I was not free froln offending God, having neglected what 
 the book directed me to do, from an idea that such great 
 watchfulness was almost impossible; yet I was careful not to 
 commit any mortal sin, and would to God I had been always 
 so ; but of venial sins I made little account, and this was 
 the fault which ruined me. But our Lord began to caress me 
 so much in this way, (of prayer,) that He vouchsafed to give 
 
 o 
 
 * Written by F. Ossuna. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. *63 
 
 me the favor of enjoying the “ Prayer of Quiet,”* and some¬ 
 times that of u Union,” though I understood neither the one 
 nor the other, nor how much they deserved to be prized*; 
 but I think it would have been a great happiness for me if I 
 had understood their nature. True it is, the “ Prayer of 
 Union ” continued so short a time, that I know not if I could 
 have repeated the “ Ave Maria ” during it; yet the effects of 
 the prayer which remained were so great, that though I was 
 not then twenty years old, it seemed as if I could trample 
 the whole world under my feet; and so I remember to have 
 had great pity for all those who follow its maxims and ways, 
 though even in lawful things. 
 
 I endeavored, to the best of my power, to represent our 
 Lord Jesus Christ, who is our only good, as present within 
 me; and this was my method of prayer; when I meditated 
 on any action in His life, I represented it in my interior, 
 though I spent the greater part of my time in reading good 
 books, which was all the recreation I had ; for God did not 
 give me the talent of discoursing with my understanding, 
 nor of helping myself by means of the imagination, which is 
 so dull, that even to think and represent within myself, (as 
 I endeavored to do,) the Humanity of our Lord, was more 
 than I could ever perform ; and although, if we persevere, 
 we may more quickly arrive at “ Contemplation,” by being 
 unable to exercise our understanding, yet the way is very 
 laborious and painful, because if the occupation of the will 
 be wanting, and our love should have no object present to 
 occupy itself on, the soul is left, as it were, without any sup¬ 
 port or exercise ; and solitude and dryness give her much 
 trouble, and bring our thoughts into a most terrible combat. 
 
 For persons who have this inclination, greater purity of 
 conscience is necessary than for those who are able to ex¬ 
 ercise themselves with their understanding; because he who 
 is able to reflect on what this world is—on what he owes to 
 •God—how much He suffered for him—and how little he 
 serves Him, will thence derive matter to defend himself from 
 improper thoughts and dangerous occasions. But he who 
 
 * The Saint explains afterwards what is meant by the prayer of Quiet 
 and Union. 
 
64 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 who teaches him should urge him to pray without reading ;, 
 (which is of , great help to a person who proceeds in this way, 
 
 J p *A vA vl VlOC• 
 
 It now seems our Lord so ordered things, that I could not 
 ", any one to instruct me; for it appears impossible to have 
 
 A , —’ ,— 1uj pmiwc ty nave 
 
 endured my great dryness and afflictions during eighteen 
 
 jears, without being able to discourse with my understand¬ 
 ing, as I have already mentioned. During all this time I 
 never dared to pray without a book, except immediately after 
 communicating, so that my soul was as much afraid to be 
 without a book, as to fight against a multitude of people. 
 Dut by this remedy I went on with much comfort, for it was 
 like a guard of soldiers, or a buckler, on which the blows of 
 many thoughts were to be received; for this “ dryness” was 
 not usual with me, though it always came when I had no 
 book ; and my soul became immediately disturbed, and my 
 thoughts began to wander, but by reading I soon re-collected 
 mm ; and thus, as it were by flattery, my soul advanced on¬ 
 ward. Often, by merely opening a book, I found I need do 
 no more; sometimes I read a little, and other times, much, 
 according to the favors our Lord was pleased to show me. 
 t seems to me, that if in these beginnings whereof I speak, 
 1 could have had books and opportunities of being in soli- 
 tude, no danger could have deprived me of so great a good. 
 
 Vnu ViT 186 ’ tliat W0lll( * ^ ave proved so by the favor 
 ot uod, if I could have had a director, or some person who 
 
 would have advised me to fly the occasion, (of sin,) in these 
 beginnings, and to make me forsake them immediately, if I had 
 fallen into them. And should the devil then have attacked 
 me openly, I think I should on no account have been induced 
 
65 
 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 to offend God grievously. But the devil was so crafty, and 
 I was so wicked, that all my resolutions availed me hut 
 little; though the time I spent in the service of God was of 
 great help towards enabling me to endure my terrible afflic¬ 
 tions, which I bore with as great patience as His Majesty 
 gave me. 
 
 Often have 1 considered with amazement the great good¬ 
 ness of God, and my soul has been enraptured in considering 
 His magnificence and mercy j may He be blessed by all men, 
 for I have clearly seen, that even in this life He has not 
 failed to recompense me for every good desire. And, how¬ 
 ever imperfect and wicked my works have been, yet my Lord 
 continued to make them better and more perfect, thereby 
 giving them worth and merit, while my sins and miseries He 
 instantly hid, (from others.) Even the eyes of those who 
 saw them, His Majesty allowed to be blinded, and their 
 memory to fail. He gilds our faults, and causes that virtue 
 to shine which the same Lord has placed in me, almost doing 
 violence to me, that I may receive His favors. 
 
 But now I wish to return to what my Superiors commanded 
 me to mention. If I were to relate minutely how our Lord 
 proceeded with me in these beginnings, I should require 
 another understanding different from what I have, to be able 
 to appreciate what I owe Him in this respect, and to publish 
 my own wickedness and ingratitude, for He has forgotten all 
 of it. May He be blessed forever, who has borne so much 
 from me. Amen. 
 
I 
 
 66 
 
 life of st. Teresa. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 SHE CONTINUES TO RELATE THE PAINFUL INFIRMITIES SHE ENDURED 
 AND THE PATIENCE OUR LORD GATE HER, ETC. ’ 
 
 I forgot to relate how, in the year of my noyieiate I 
 suffered great uneasiness of mind about things which n tht’m 
 
 ^Z’tW 0f ,itt,CC rr (U ™ Ce ’ but as lUoS 
 without having committed any fault, I bore it with much 
 
 pain and great imperfection, though I endured everything 
 
 through the earnest desire I had to be a nun. When they 
 
 noticed that I sought after solitude, and sometimes shed 
 
 •K an r dTe';^Kr :: d l z 1 a *rr ed 
 
 observe all the' rules of the'rel^lVe" I couldToTho^ 
 ever, endure anything which had the appearance of bringing 
 me into contempt, for I delighted in beiiig esteemed I waf 
 curious about whatever I undertook, and everything appeared 
 
 to me to be virtue, though this will not serve me = as an ex- 
 cuse, because I knew well how to obtain all those things 
 which could give me pleasure; and thus ignorance will not 
 free me from blame. It was a defect that the monastery was 
 
 foHowd d th !" f e f P erfe . ction i a "cl as I was so wicked, 1 
 good d that WhlCh WaS ™P erfeot > and omitted what was 
 
 grit:!:tf le , thCr< : -T * R ? li g ious a fflicted with a most 
 ulcers Tn^ W b ^ ? auSed h f S reat P ain - There were 
 
 so th!t 1 K° dy ’ Whlch came from cer tain obstructions, 
 
 die? of I 1 ® °°J ! d n0t r l am her food ’ and therefore she soon 
 ler disease. Though I noticed that all the other 
 nuns feared to have the like infirmity: yet, for mv Dart T 
 
 wou a id 7 eiv n e V th d rv P at |? nce ’ and be Sg ed of God, thattf He 
 
 ever infinnitv H 7“ A nCe r t0 m<b He mi S ht send me what. 
 HZ , i y I l° P> eased - I* seemed as if I feared no dis¬ 
 ease whatever, for I was so bent on gaining eternal goods 
 
 me T lf th^T P T ha f ‘ hem ’ wbatever they might cost * 
 fnr'n A *1 1S I , woader > tor even then I think I had no love 
 for G°d; though afterwards I believe I gained it, when I 
 began to exercise myself in prayer; and a light (from above) 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 67 
 
 showed me how contemptible everything is that has an end, 
 and how inestimable those goods are which are eternal, and 
 which can be obtained. His Majesty heard my prayer for 
 such an affliction ; for before the expiration of two years, I 
 became so afflicted, that though my disease was not of the 
 same nature as the person’s (above mentioned;) yet I think 
 mine was equally painful and troublesome during the three 
 years I endured it, as I shall now relate. 
 
 The time having now arrived which I had been waiting 
 for, my fathei, my sister, and that Religious who accompanied 
 me, and bad so much regard for me, removed me with great 
 care to the place destined for my cure. Here the devil began 
 to disturb my soul, though God drew good from it. There 
 was a certain ecclesiastic who resided in the place where I 
 went for my cure. He was of a good family, had a solid 
 judgment, and was somewhat learned. I began to “ confess” 
 to him, for I was always fond of learned men, though those 
 confessors who were only half-learned, did my soul much 
 harm, because the}' had not the learning I desired. I have 
 found by experience, that it is better for directors, who are 
 virtuous, and full of holy manners, to have no learning at all, 
 rather than little ; because, those who have none will not 
 trust themselves without asking the opinion of others who 
 are learned, and neither could I trust them myself. But I 
 was never deceived by any truly learned man; and even 
 those others had no desire of deceiving me ; but they erred 
 only because they knew no better. I thought they were 
 capable (of guiding me,) and that I was not bound to do any¬ 
 thing but to believe them; as what they told me was 
 in accordance with the general opinion, and gave me 
 more liberty : if they had been more strict with me, I was 
 so wicked, that I should have chosen other confessors. That 
 which was a venial sin, they told me was none at all; and 
 that which was a most grievous mortal sin, I was assured 
 was only a vsnicil sin. This kind of doctrine did me so much 
 harm, that I consider it necessary to mention this circum¬ 
 stance here, in order to put others on their guard against so 
 great an evil. I see clearly, that in the presence of God, 
 this was no excuse for me : for as the things were in their 
 own nature bad, this ought to have been sufficient to have 
 
08 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 preserved me from them. But I think that Almighty God, 
 on account of my sins, allowed my confessors to deceive me, 
 and to be deceived themselves. And I also deceived many 
 others, by telling them the very same things which had been 
 told me. 
 
 I continued more than seventeen years, I think, in this 
 blindness, till a Dominican friar—a man of great learning— 
 undeceived me in many things ; and the fathers of the “So¬ 
 ciety of Jesus”* made me comprehend, how terrible my 
 state was on account of such bad beginnings, as I will now 
 relate. 
 
 When I began to confess to this person (of whom I spoke 
 above), he became extremely attached to me, because then I 
 had but little to confess, in comparison with what I after¬ 
 wards had ; indeed, I had not much from the time I became 
 a nun. The affection of this man was not bad, though by 
 being excessive it became evil. He knew well that I was 
 determined not to do anything grievously offensive to God, 
 on any account whatever: and he also assured me as much 
 on his part; and thus our conversation became frequent. 
 But in the interviews we then held, I was so absorbed by 
 the thoughts of God, that my greatest delight was to speak 
 on subjects relating to Him; and as I was then very young, 
 he seeing this inclination made him somewhat ashamed. But 
 on account of the great affection he bore me, he began to 
 discover his misery to me; and this was not small, for he 
 had then been almost seven years in a very dangerous state, 
 by reason of his affection for, and conversation with a cer¬ 
 tain lady of the town; and yet he continued to say mass. 
 The thing was so public, that he had lost his honor and 
 character, and yet no one ventured to speak to him on the 
 subject. I was quite grieved to see in what a state he was, 
 because I loved him much. But I was so possessed with 
 folly and blindness, that it seemed a virtue in me to be 
 grateful, and to keep on good terms with one who loved me. 
 Cursed be such a law which proceeds so far as to be against 
 
 * This is the first time our Saint mentions the Society of Jesus. Wo 
 shall afterwards see how highly she prized that illustrious order. St. 
 Francis Borgia, when he came to Avila, had an interview with her, and 
 assured her that her method of prayer came from God. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 69 
 
 the law of God. It is a madness which now prevails in the 
 world; and it makes me almost lose my senses, to see how 
 every good which men do to us we owe to God, and yet how 
 we esteem it a virtue not to break off this friendship, even 
 though it should lead us to do evil against Him. Oh, 
 blindness of the world! But be Thou pleased, 0 Lord, that 
 I may be the most ungrateful creature in the whole world, 
 provided that I may not be, in the least point, ungrateful to 
 Thee! But by my sins I have done quite the contrary. 
 
 1 endeavored to gain more information concerning this 
 person from the domestics of his house ; I then became more 
 acquainted with his misery, but saw that the poor man was 
 not deserving of so much blame, because that unfortunate 
 woman had used certain charms over him, by means of a 
 little copper idol, which she begged of him to wear around 
 his neck for her sake ; and no one had been able to dissuade 
 him from wearing it. For my part, I do not believe in the 
 power of such charms as this, that it could affect one in any 
 definite manner: but I will relate what I saw, in order that 
 others may be on their guard against those women who may 
 wish to act in the same manner, and to the end they may 
 believe, that when such characters lose all fear of God (and 
 they are more obliged to be chaste than men), no trust at 
 all is to be reposed in them; for provided that they have 
 their own will and affection gratified—which the devil puts 
 in them—they care for nothing. But though I have been 
 very wicked, yet I never fell into any crime of thir sort, nor 
 did I ever try to commit any evil; and even if 1 had been 
 able, did I ever force any one to love me, because God pre¬ 
 served me from such an evil; but if He had left me to my¬ 
 self, I should certainly have committed as many evil things 
 in this respect, as I did in other matters, for there was no 
 trusting me in any way. As soon as I heard the particu¬ 
 lars of the case, I began to show him more affection : my 
 intention indeed was good, but my action was bad. for I 
 ought not to have committed the least evil to gain the 
 greatest good. I discoursed very frequently with him con¬ 
 cerning God, and this perhaps did him some good, though 
 I think that the great love he had for me influenced him the 
 most *, for in order to confer on me a favor, and to give me 
 
TO 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 pleasure, he gave me bis little idol, which I immediately con¬ 
 trived to cast into the river. Being deprived of this, he be¬ 
 gan to recover like one roused from a deep sleep, and to 
 remember all that he had done during those years : he was 
 amazed at himself, and so, bewailing his misery, he came by 
 degrees to abhor it. Our Blessed Lady, without doubt, 
 assisted him much, for he was very devoted to her Concep¬ 
 tion, and that feast he always celebrated with great joy. At 
 length he broke off the habit of seeing this woman any 
 more, and could never satisfy himself with giving thanks to 
 Almighty God for the light He had given him. But he died 
 just upon that day twelvemonth after I had first seen him. 
 He had already begun to serve God very fervently : and 
 though I never could perceive that t,he great affection he 
 bore me was bad, yet it should have been more pure. But 
 there was no want of occasions in which, if I had not kept 
 myself in the presence of God, I might have committed very 
 grievous offences against Him. Still, as I have already men¬ 
 tioned, whatever I thought might.be a mortal sin, 1 would 
 not then have committed it; and this person, seeing such a 
 disposition in me, was inclined perhaps to love me the more. 
 All men, I believe, are more fond of those females who they 
 see are inclined to virtue ; and even in those things in which 
 they desire to succeed, they gain more influence over the 
 men, as I shall afterwards declare. I consider it certain , 
 however, that his soul is saved, for he died very piously ; 
 and having quitted so well the occasion, it seems our Lord 
 was pleased he should be saved by this means. 
 
 In that place I remained three months, under the most 
 grievous afflictions, for the cure was more severe than my 
 constitution could endure, so that at the end of two months 
 the medicines were so powerful that my life was almost en¬ 
 dangered ; in addition to this, the palpitation of my heart, 
 which I went to have cured, became so much more violent, 
 that sometimes I thought my heart was torn with sharp teeth, 
 and my friends were afraid I should lose my senses. To¬ 
 gether with a great want of strength (for I could take no 
 food whatever except it were liquid), with a violent loathing, 
 a continual burning fever, and being also so reduced on ac¬ 
 count of the purging medicine, which was continued for 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 71 
 
 almost a month, I was moreover so burnt up, that my nerves 
 began to contract with a pain so insupportable, as to prevent 
 me taking any rest day or night 5 and during this period I 
 was oppressed with a most profound sadness of mind. 
 
 Having recovered so far, my father took me home again, 
 where the physicians came to see me ; all despaired of my 
 recovery ; for, besides my usual sickness, they said I was 
 settled in a hectic fever. This, however, troubled me very 
 little ; but my pains afflicted me the most, for I was full of 
 them, from the crown of my head to my feet: the pains 
 arising from the nerves are intolerable—according to the 
 testimony of doctors—especially when the nerves shrink up 
 as mine did ; and certainly, if I had not lost the merit of 
 patience through my own fault, my torment was great enough 
 to have earned some. I did not remain more than three 
 months in this torture, for it seemed impossible to endure se 
 many afflictions together. I am now amazed at myself, an 4 
 I consider as a great favor of our Lord, the patience whicli 
 His Majesty gave me, for it evidently came from Him. 1 
 gained much benefit from reading the History of Job, in the 
 “ Morals” of St. Gregory; so that our Lord seems to have 
 prepared me by this means, and also by my having com¬ 
 menced the practice of Prayer, in order that I might be 
 able to bear those trials with submission to His will. All 
 my conversation was with Him 1 and often did I remember 
 and repeat these words of Job : “ If we have received good 
 things at the hand of God, why should we not receive evil 
 (Chap. xi. 10.) 
 
 At length came the Feast of our Lady, in August; for 
 till then, from the April before, my pains had continued, 
 though they were greater during the last three months. I 
 then made haste to go to confession, for I was always very 
 fond of confessing often. My friends thought that I was 
 influenced through fear of death ; and so that I might not 
 be troubled thereat, *uy father would not let me confess. 
 Oh, the inordinate love of flesh and blood! for though I 
 had so Catholic a father, and one too, who was so prudent, 
 yet he might have done me a great deal of harm, for his 
 conduct could not have been the effect of ignorance. That 
 night I fell into a trance, which continued for about four 
 
t 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 days, during which I had not the use of any of my senses. 
 In this state I received the sacrament of Extreme Unction ; 
 and every hour, and even every moment, was expected to 
 be my last: my friends continued reciting the Creed, as if I 
 understood them. At one time they considered me to be 
 dead, so certainly, that afterwards I found drops of the wax- 
 candles on my eyes. The affliction of my father was great, 
 for not having allowed me to go to confession : many tears 
 were shed, and many prayers offered to Gcd for me. Blessed 
 be our Lord, who was pleased to hear them ; for though my 
 grave remained open in the monastery for a day and a half, 
 it being expected my body would be buried there • and 
 though the funeral service was performed by the friars of 
 our- order in another town, yet our Lord was pleased I should 
 return to myself again : I immediately expressed a desire to 
 confess. Having done so, I received the blessed Sacrament 
 with many tears, though in my opinion they were not shed 
 with a deep feeling of sorrow for having offended God : for 
 this might have helped to save my soul, if the error into 
 which I was led by those who told me that some things were 
 not mortal sins, which afterwards I felt certain were so, had 
 not proved injurious to me. The torments with which I was 
 afflicted were intolerable, and my understanding was rather 
 dull, though, as I thought, my confession was entire, having 
 declared everything by which T feared I had offended God. 
 
 I his favor His Majesty vouchsafed to grant me among others, 
 that after I had begun to communicate, I never omitted con¬ 
 fessing anything which I thought to be a sin, even though it 
 were venial. But yet I am almost certain that had I died 
 then, my salvation would have been in great danger, be¬ 
 cause on the one hand my confessors were so little instructed, 
 and on the other I myself was so wicked. It is most cer¬ 
 tainly true, that when I think of this event in my life, and 
 how it seems as if our Lord raised me from death to life, I 
 am filled with such great amazement, that almost my whole 
 body trembles. It seems proper then, 0 my soul, that thou 
 shouldst consider the danger from which our Lord delivered 
 thee; and that as thou hast not avoided offending Him 
 thiough love, thou mayest cease to do so through fear, for 
 He might have taken away thy life a thousand times, when 
 
LITE OF ST . TERESA. 
 
 73 
 
 thou wert in a more dangerous state. I believe I should 
 not he exaggerating were I to add a thousand times more 
 though perhaps he may chide me, who commanded me to 
 use moderation in the recital of my sins; and yet I have 
 represented them too favorably. But for the love of God, 
 I beseech my Superior not to make me diminish my faults, 
 because thereby the goodness of God will be seen, and what 
 He suffered for a soul. May He be blessed forever, and 
 may He annihilate me, rather than I should ever cease to 
 love Him more and more. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 SHE MENTIONS HOW MUCH SHE OWED OUR LORD FOR GIVING HER 
 CONFORMITY TO HIS WILL IN SUCH GREAT AFFLICTIONS ; AND HOW 
 SHE ALSO CHOSE THE GLORIOUS ST. JOSEPH FOR HER PATRON, 
 ETC. 
 
 I remained during these four days of the trance in such 
 a state, that our Lord only can know the insufferable tor¬ 
 ments I felt. I had bitten my tongue in several places ; my 
 throat, through my being unable to take anything, and by 
 reason of the great weakness which oppressed me, could not 
 swallow even a drop of water without choking me. It seemed 
 as if I were entirely disjointed, and my head appeared ex¬ 
 tremely disordered ; I was contracted like packthread, for in 
 this consisted the torment I endured those days—without 
 being able to stir either hand or foot, arm or head, unless I 
 were moved ; so that I was like a person dead : I thought, 
 however, I could move a finger of my right hand. No one 
 could touch me in any way, for my whole body was so 
 afflicted, that I could not endure to have it touched. I was 
 removed about in a sheet, one person being at one end, and 
 another at the other end.; in this state I continued till Easter. 
 The only relief I had was this, that if I were not touched, 
 my pains frequently ceased : and then, as I enjoyed a little 
 ease, I considered myself to be well: but I was afraid lest 
 my patience should begin to fail, and therefore I was much 
 pleased to see myself free from those sharp and continual 
 
74 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 pains, though I still had a great loathing for food—in addi¬ 
 tion to extremely severe colds, produced by a double quar¬ 
 tan, which was insupportable. 
 
 About this time 1 made such haste to return to the monas- 
 tery, that 1 managed to have myself carried away just as I 
 was. Though the sisters thought I was dead, they received 
 me with a soul still in the body; but the body was woise 
 than dead, by reason of the pains they saw it had endured. 
 I cannot describe my extreme weakness, for nothing was left 
 but my bones; and for more than eight months I remained 
 in this shite; I was quite a cripple for almost three vears, 
 though still I was getting better. When I began to walk on 
 all-fours, I gave thanks to God. But all these afflictions I 
 endured with great resignation, and even with extreme de- 
 hght—except in the beginning—for I esteemed them all as 
 nothing, in comparison with those pains and torments I en¬ 
 dured at first. I was very resigned to God’s will then, even 
 though lie should have left me in that state forever. 1 
 think that the reason why I was so anxious to recover was, 
 that I might apply myself all alone to prayer in the way I 
 had been instructed ; and in the Infirmary there was no means 
 of doing this. I confessed my sins very often. I frequently 
 spoke of God in such a way as to edify every one ; and, in¬ 
 deed, they were amazed to see the patience our Lord had 
 given me: for had it not come from the hand of His Majesty, 
 it seems impossible I could have suffered so many afflictions 
 with such great pleasure. 
 
 . 9 reat intl eed was the favor our Lord bestowed on me by 
 giving me a method of prayer ; for thereby I came to under¬ 
 stand what it was to love Him ; and from the little time I 
 spent in it, I observed new virtues to spring up within me, 
 though they were not strong, nor were they able to keep me 
 in the way of justice. I did not speak ill of any one in the 
 slightest degree, for my ordinary custom was to avoid all kind 
 of detraction, since I remembered that T should never wish 
 nor say anything of any one, which I did not wish si ould be 
 said of me. Ibis I paid particular attention to on all occa¬ 
 sions, though yet not so perfectly when occasions sometimes 
 o ered themselves of my breaking my rule* still it was my 
 general practice. Those who were in my company, and who 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 75 
 
 spoke to me, I so earnestly persuaded to adopt the custom, 
 that it became natural to them. Hence it was understood, 
 wherever I was, that all absent persons were secure; and it 
 was also the case with those who were my friends and rela¬ 
 tions, or others whom I had instructed. And though in many 
 things I shall have to give a strict account to God, yet I 
 hope His Majesty may be pleased to pardon the bad example 
 I gave them—for I have been the cause of much evil, though 
 it was not done with such evil intentions as those actions . 
 were whic'i I committed afterwards. I was still desirous of 
 solitude, and loved to discourse and to speak on God ; and 
 if I could find any one to enter with me into the conversa¬ 
 tion, that gave me more pleasure and recreation than all the 
 polite conversation—or rather grossness—of the world. I 
 also loved to communicate and to confess much more fre¬ 
 quently, and to desire doing so. I became very fond of 
 reading good books, and began to have such a deep sorrow 
 for having offended God, that n any times I remember I dared 
 not pray, because I feared the excessive pain which I was 
 sure to feel for having offended Him, as a severe punishment 
 for my sins; and this pain became afterwards so extreme, 
 that I know not what to compare it to. This never happened 
 to me, either more or less, through any fear I had, but only 
 when I remembered those caresses our Lord granted to me 
 in prayer, and what I owed Him for them; and when I 
 saw how ill I repaid Him, I could not endure the thought. 
 
 . I was also extremely troubled on account of the many tears 
 I shed for my faults, when I perceived there was no amend¬ 
 ment in me; and that neither my resolutions, nor the pains 
 I took not to fall any more when the occasions of sin were 
 offered, were of any avail. My tears seemed to deceive me, 
 and my fault appeared so much the greater, because I was 
 convinced how great a favor our Lord bestowed on me in 
 granting me those tears, and that great sorrow which I felt. 
 
 I endeavored to confess often: and it seemed to me that I 
 did all I could in order to be restored to a state of grace. 
 AH the evil consisted iji not pulling up the “ occasions ” by 
 the root; my confessors, too, helped me bu little : but had 
 they told me of the danger in which I was, and of the obli¬ 
 gation I lay under to break off those conversations, I am 
 
76 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 convinced the evil would have been remedied; for, on no ac¬ 
 count could I have endured to remain, even one day, in 
 mortal sin, had I known I was in that state. All these signs 
 of the fear of God came to me through prayer; and the 
 greatest of them was, that I went on wrapt in love, and the 
 punishment of sin I did not think of. All the time that I 
 was sick, I kept a great guard over my conscience, as far as 
 concerned mortal sins. But 0 my God ! how much did I 
 desire my health, in order to serve Thee better! And yet 
 this was the cause of all my misery. And now, when I saw 
 myself a cripple, and so young too, and how the physicians 
 of this world had treated me, I resolved to apply to heavenly 
 physicians for my cure, which I still desired with much 
 earnestness, though I bore my pains with joy. Sometimes I 
 used to think, that if by recovering my health, I should be 
 condemned to hell, it would be better for me to remain as I 
 was; however, I thought I should serve God much better 
 had I my health. Here is our error, in not entirely resign¬ 
 ing ourselves to the will of our Lord, who knows what is the 
 best for us. 
 
 In the mean time, I began to get some masses to be said 
 for me, and to make use of devotions that were very n uch 
 approved of; for I was never fond of certain other devotions, 
 which some persons—especially women—went through with 
 such ceremonies and forms as I could not endure; 1 under¬ 
 stood that they bordered on superstition, though they may 
 have excited piety in some people. I took for my advocate 
 and master the glorious St. Joseph, and 1 recommended my¬ 
 self much to him; for I saw clearly, that where my honor 
 and the loss of my soul were concerned, my father and master 
 delivered me from that danger, as well as from others still 
 greater : and this with more advantage than I could desire my¬ 
 self. Up to this time, I cannot remember having asked him for 
 anything which he did not obtain. I am quite amazed when 
 I consider the great favors our Lord has shown me, through 
 the intercession of this blessed saint, and the many dangers, 
 both of soul and body, from which he has delivered me. It 
 seems, that to other saints, our Lord has given power to 
 succor us in only one kind of necessity; but this glorious 
 saint, 1 know by my experience, assists us in all kinds of 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 7? 
 
 necessities : hence our Lord, it appears, wishes us to under¬ 
 stand, that as He was obedient to him when on earth (for 
 he was called His father; and being, as it were, His tutor, 
 he could command Him;) so now in heaven He grants him 
 whatever he asks. This truth many others also have ex¬ 
 perienced, who have recommended themselves to him by my 
 desire: many are now devoted to him, and I myself have 
 fresh experience of his power. 
 
 I endeavored to celebrate his festival with all the solemnity 
 I was able, but with more vanity than true devotion, as I 
 desired it should be kept very properly and exactly, though 
 yet my intention was good. But this was my fault: that 
 whenever our Lord gave me grace to perform any good action, 
 it was full of many faults and imperfections; whereas, in the 
 pursuit of curiosity, and vanity, and anything evil, I used 
 great dexterity and diligence; may our Lord pardon me! 
 Would that I could persuade all men to be devout to this 
 glorious saint, by reason of the great experience I have had 
 of the blessings he obtains from Grod. I have never known 
 any one who was truly devoted to him, who performed par¬ 
 ticular devotions in his honor, that did not advance more in 
 virtue, for he assists in a special manner those souls who 
 recommend themselves to him. During many years I was 
 accustomed to ask some favor of him, and I remember it was 
 always granted; and if sometimes my petition had something 
 wrong about it, he rectified it for my greater good. 
 
 Were I a person who had authority to write, I would 
 glsxily enlarge here, and relate, in detail, the favors which 
 this glorious saint obtained both for me and others ; but in 
 order that I may do no more than what I am commanded, I 
 must be shorter in many things than I could wish, and more 
 diffuse in other points than is necessary; in a word, I am like 
 one who has but little discretion in doing anything which is 
 good. I only request, for the love of Grod, that whoever will 
 not believe me, will prove the truth of what I say; for he 
 will see, by experience, how great a blessing it is to recom¬ 
 mend one’s self to this glorious patriarch, and to be devout 
 to him. Those persons especially who are given to prayer 
 should ever be devoted to him, for I know not how he can 
 think of the Queen of Angels—at the time when she suffered 
 
 7 * 
 
78 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 so much on account of the child Jesus—and not give thanks 
 to St. Joseph for the assistance he gave them. Whoever 
 wants a master to instruct him how to pray, let him take this 
 glorious saint for his guide, and he will "not lose his way. 
 Crod grant I may not have committed any error, in speaking 
 as I have of such a saint! For though I thus profess to be 
 devoted to him, yet I have always failed in imitating his 
 \ irtues; but he acted like himself, by enabling me to rise, 
 and walk, and to be no more a cripple; and so I also acted 
 like myself, by making so bad a use of this favor. 
 
 A\ ho could ever have supposed, that I should so soon have 
 fallen back again, after His Majesty had begun to bestow 
 some \ 11 tues on me , after having received so many favors 
 from God, which, of themselves, excited me to serve Him : 
 after I had seen myself as if it were dead, and in such dan¬ 
 ger of being condemned to hell; and after he had raised 
 both my soul and body in such a manner, that all who saw 
 me weie amazed to behold me alive? What a misery is it, 
 0 my Fold! that we should live in such a dangerous life. 1 
 While I am now writing these lines, it seems I may say, by 
 -Thy fa^ or and mercy, what St. Paul said i( X live now, not 
 I, but Christ liveth in 1116,”—though not with the same per¬ 
 fection as he did, and according to the experience which I 
 have now had for some years, Thou still keepest Thy hand 
 over me, and I find myself tilled with desires and resolutions 
 (and in many things I have experienced this for a longtime), 
 not to do anything against Thy will, however small It may 
 be, though I know I must commit many offences against 
 our Majesty without my knowing it. And it also seems, 
 that nothing could be proposed to me which I would not 
 resolutely perform for love of Thee ; and in some things 
 Ihou hast assisted me, so that I might succeed in them. I 
 caie not for the world, nor for the things of the world; and 
 I find that nothing whatever gives me any pleasure which 
 uocs not come from you, and everything else seems a heavy 
 cross. J 
 
 I may, however, easily deceive myself in this point; and 
 so I think I do, for I do not possess all that I have 
 spoken of; but Thou knowest well, 0 my I^ord! that I do 
 not lie as far as I know. I fear, with much reason, lest, 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 79 
 
 perhaps, Thou mayest leave me again, for I know now how far 
 my strength goes, and what little virtue I possess, in case 
 Thou art not near, to bless me and to help me, that so I may 
 never desert Thee : and may thy Majesty grant, that I be 
 not already forsaken by Thee, while I am thus saying so 
 much about myself! I know not how we can desire to live, 
 since all things are so uncertain here. It appeared to me, 0 
 Lord! impossible that I should entirely desert Thee; but 
 since I have forsaken Thee so often, I cannot help fearing 
 the like again, because when Thou retirest even a little from 
 me, everything falls to the ground. Blessed, be Thou for¬ 
 ever ;• for although I forsook Thee, yet Thou didst not 
 entirely forsake me, but didst give me Thy hand, that so I 
 might rise up again ; and often, 0 Lord! I would not take 
 hold of it, nor would I understand how frequently Thou 
 didst call me again, as I will now relate. 
 
 CHAPTER YU. 
 
 SHE SHOWS BY WHAT DEGREES SHE WENT ON LOSING THE FAVORS 
 WHICH OUR LORD HAD SHOWN HER, AND HOW WICKED HER LIFE 
 BEGAN TO BE. 
 
 I began from one pastime to another, from vanity to 
 vanity, and from one occasion to another, to cast myself 
 very deeply into very great occasions; and my soul became 
 so disordered with many vanities, that I already grew 
 ashamed to approach to God with that familiarity, such as 
 frequent prayer requires; and what helped me on to this 
 was, that as my sins increased, the joy and delight which I 
 had found in the exercise of virtue began to fail me. I now 
 perceived very clearly, 0 my Lord ! that these blessings 
 were wanting to me, because I had first been wanting to 
 Thee. This was the most terrible deceit which the devil 
 could bring upon me, when I began to fear to practice men¬ 
 tal prayer; because I saw myself in so bad a way, that I 
 thought it would be better for me to proceed as the multi¬ 
 tude did—since I was one of the worst of sinners, and to 
 pray only as much as I was obliged, and that but vocally; 
 
80 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 since a person who deserved to he with devils should not 
 inake use of mental prayer, nor hold so close a communica¬ 
 tion with God: and that I was only deceiving the world, 
 because I had an outward appearance of virtue. But for 
 this reason, the house wherein I lived did not deserve any 
 blame, because by my cunning I managed that people should 
 have a. good opinion of me, though I did not act in this way 
 purposely to counterfeit piety 5 for as regards hypocrisy 
 and vain-glory, I thank God that I remember not to have 
 offended Him therein—as far as I can perceive; for, on the 
 very first motion to commit that kind of sin, I felt so much 
 trouble that the devil went away with loss., and I gained 
 thereby; and thus he tempted me but very little in this 
 respect. If, however, God had allowed him to tempt me 
 as strongly in this as he did in other things, I should have 
 fallen into this sin also : but hitherto His Majesty has been 
 pleased to preserve me, for which may He be forever blessed! 
 But I was rather much troubled, that they should have such 
 a good opinion of me, considering what I knew of myself 
 privately. The reason why they believed me not to be so 
 wicked was, that they saw me retire—being so young—many 
 times and on several occasions to solitude and to prayer. 
 They noticed that I read much and prayed much, and spoke 
 of God; that I was fond of making pictures of our Saviour, 
 and putting them up in many places; of making oratories, 
 and ot placing there whatever tended to excite devotion; 
 that I spoke ill of no one ; and other things of the like na¬ 
 ture they observed, which bore an appearance of virtue; and 
 I knew well (so vain was I) how to gain esteem for myself 
 in those things, which the world is accustomed to prize. 
 
 By these observations of theirs, they allowed me as much, 
 and even more liberty, than to the older religious women of 
 the house : and they had great confidence in me, for as to 
 my taking any liberties, or doing anything without leave, or 
 even speaking with any one by night in holes or corners, was 
 what I could never think of; even so fai; as to talk of any 
 such thing in a monastery I never did, because our Lord 
 held me by His hand. It seemed to me (for I reflected 
 much and attentively on many things), that to expose the 
 honor of so many Beligious to chance, they being so good 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 8] 
 
 and I so wicked, would have been a very unworthy action in 
 me. But why do I speak of my having avoided the com¬ 
 mission of evil, as if other things which I did had been well 
 done ? The truth is, that the evil which I did was not done 
 with so much reflection as this would have required, though 
 still it was too much. 
 
 On this account, it seems to me, that not living in a monas¬ 
 tery which was enclosed did me much harm, though those 
 who were good might continue in it without any disadvan¬ 
 tage, because they were bound to no more, not having made 
 a vow of enclosure: but as for me, who am so wicked, I 
 should certainly have been carried to hell, had not our Lord 
 drawn me out of this danger by many especial favors and 
 remedies ; and so I think that a monastery of women having 
 such liberty, is very dangerous for them : in my eyes it seems 
 to be more a road leading to hell those who desire to be 
 wicked, than a remedy for their weakness. What I say 
 does not refer to my monastery, for therein are so many who 
 truly and with great perfection serve our Lord, that His 
 Majesty (being so good) cannot fail to confer favors upon 
 them; and this monastery is not one of those which are most 
 relaxed, for every kind of good discipline is observed in it: 
 but I speak of other houses which I have seen and known. 
 I say then that these excite my compassion, for the Religious 
 have need of 'particular calls from our Lord—not once, but 
 often—in order to be saved, considering how much the 
 honors and amusements of the world are authorized there, 
 and how little they understand the obligations which bind 
 them. God grant that they may not consider as virtue, that 
 which is sinful, as I myself often did ; and there is so much 
 difficulty in making this understood, that it is nec'essary 
 our blessed Lord himself should, in reality, put His hand to 
 the work. 
 
 If parents would take my advice (since they will not place 
 their daughters where they may walk in the way of salvation, 
 but rather where they will encounter more danger than if 
 they were in the world), I would advise them to consider 
 their own honor, and rather to marry them very meanly, 
 than to place them in such monasteries—unless they bo 
 virtuously inclined : and God grant that even this may profit 
 
82 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 them. If the parents do not like what I recommend, they 
 might keep their daughters at home; for if they wish to be 
 wicked, they can keep it secret only for a short time ; but 
 in the monastery, their wickedness may remain hidden for a 
 long time, though in the end our Lord is accustomed to dis¬ 
 cover it. But they hurt not only themselves, but all the 
 others also; and sometimes these poor creatures are not to 
 be blamed, because they only do that which they find prac¬ 
 ticed. It is a pity to see how many, who desire to separate 
 themselves from the world, and to avoid its dangers, think¬ 
 ing that they go to the monastery to serve God, do, never¬ 
 theless, find themselves cast into ten worlds, where they 
 know not what to do, nor how to help themselves. Youth, 
 and sensuality, and the devil incline them to follow some 
 things, which belong to the world, and so they come to con¬ 
 sider them good. In this respect methinks they are like 
 those unhappy heretics, who wish to blind themselves, and 
 then persuade themselves that those opinions which they 
 follow are sound; and so they believe them to be true, 
 though in reality it is not the case, for they have something 
 within them which tells them they are wrong. 0 the misery, 
 the extreme misery, of those Religious (and 1 speak now of 
 men as well as women), among whom discipline is not ob¬ 
 served, and where in the same monastery two different ways 
 are kept: one, the way of virtue and discipline; and the 
 other quite the opposite, though both are considered almost 
 alike—or rather, I should say, just the same. On account 
 of our sins, it happens that we walk along that way which is 
 the most dangerous ; and as the greater number go along it, 
 this makes the road more agreeable to us. Thus so little is 
 true religion observed, that both religious men and women, who 
 wish to commence in earnest to follow their vocation, have 
 more reason to fear the very persons with whom they live, than 
 even the devils themselves : and they are obliged to be more 
 cautious in speaking of the love which they ought to have 
 for God, than of those friendships and affections which the 
 devil introduces into these monasteries. I see no reason, 
 
 then, why we should be astonished on beholding so many 
 evils in the Church, since those who ought to be patterns of 
 virtue to others, have allowed the spirit of their holy 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 83 
 
 founders to be extinguished in them. May God apply such 
 a remedy as He sees necessary. Amen. " 1 ■ 
 
 In the meantime, when I began to use such conversations 
 as these, I little thought that so great distractions and other 
 damages would come to my soul by such bind of acquaint- 
 nces, since I saw they were so much used by others: and I 
 conceived, that so general a thing as it is to make visits, in 
 
 be D0 greater P re J« di «e to me than 
 
 no 7 rt ? *v herS ? bom1 kn6W t0 be g° od ' But 1 considered 
 not that those others were much more virtuous than myself- 
 
 and that those things which were of greater danger to me’ 
 
 were not, perhaps, so very dangerous to them; though yet 
 
 „, li e ‘' lr ,, th f® must tie some danger; and, at best, I am quite 
 
 tuat it is no better than time very ill spent. Being 
 
 once with a certain person, our Lord was pleased to give me 
 
 L U 7 cT aDd ’; n n- the V6 K beginnin S of our acquaintance, 
 that such fnendships would m.no way be profitable to me 
 
 tor Christ our Lord represented Himself before me with 
 
 f ver,t y (* n Bls countenance), and gave me to under¬ 
 stand how much He was disgusted at my conduct. I saw 
 
 WH° n y I 1 * 0 the e i yeS ,° f my souI > but > et mucl > “ore dis- 
 
 whh rt,» aUd “T Clle 1 ar ‘ y than 1 could possibly have done 
 with the eyes of my body : and He remained so deeply im¬ 
 printed there, that although this happened to me above 
 twenty-six years ago, methinks He is still as present to me 
 
 astonished T i 1 S ° aItered ’ and was a,s0 80 
 
 stomshed, that I intended to see that person no more. It 
 
 did me a great deal of harm that I knew not, at the time, it 
 
 as possible for one to see anything but with the eyes of the 
 
 body; and the devil was careful enough to make me con! 
 
 tinue in that erroneous opinion, and to make me still be- 
 
 I 6 ;® ** was ™PO^‘ble, and therefore that I had but fancied 
 these things to myself, and that perhaps it might be a delu¬ 
 de ’j T convinced it was God, and no delu- 
 
 at alb . But ’ because it was against my inclination, I 
 tried to deceive myself; and as I durst not confer with any 
 one about the matter, though greatly importuned to do it, 
 assuring myself that there could b: no evil ,n seeing such a 
 J son, and that there would be no loss, but rr.thcr gain by 
 , I letui-ncd to the same conversation, and even on some 
 
84 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 occasions to others; and for many years I took this pestilen¬ 
 tial recreation; and being once engaged in it, it seemed to 
 me not to be so very bad as it indeed was, though some¬ 
 times I perceived clearly enough that it was not good. But 
 yet no other conversation distracted me so much as this did, 
 on account of the great affection I had for the person. 
 
 Another time, when I was in company with the same indi¬ 
 vidual, both of us saw coming towards us (and there were 
 others also present who saw it), something in the shape of a 
 great toad, which passed on with much greater speed than 
 such animals usually do. I could not understand how such 
 a filthy beast could get into the room* through that part 
 whence it came, and even at noon-day ; such a thing had 
 never .been seen there before. The effect which this appear¬ 
 ance wrought in me seems not to have been without some 
 mystery, and it was an event which I could never forget. 
 Oh, Greatness of God! with how much care and pity didst 
 thou admonish me in so many Ways, and how little was the 
 profit I derived thereby ! 
 
 There was in this house a certain elderly nun, a great 
 servant of God, and who was a relation of mine : she some¬ 
 times gave me good advice ; but I not only not believed her, 
 but I was even disgusted with her, thinking she was offended 
 with me without cause. All this I relate here, in order that 
 both my wickedness and the great goodness of God may be 
 the better understood, and that it may appear how well I 
 deserved hell for my ingratitude : and another object I also 
 have, that if our Lord should so ordain, and should be pleased 
 that any religious women should read this discourse, they 
 may take warning by me. I beg of them, for the love of our 
 Lord, that they will fly from such recreations as these; and 
 I beseech TIis Majesty, that some of those whom I have de¬ 
 ceived may be disabused, for I told them there was no harm 
 in those things; and (being in great blindness at that time) 
 I assured them also there was no danger; and, as I have be¬ 
 fore said, by the bad example which 1 gave them, I was the 
 cause of much harm to them, though I thought I was doing 
 no harm at all. 
 
 While I was yet very infirm in those first days, before I 
 knew how to help myself, I conceived an extreme desire to 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 85 
 
 do others good, which is a very common temptation for be¬ 
 ginners, though it happened to succeed well with me. * As I 
 loved my father very dearly, I desired he might receive the 
 same benefit which I thought I had gained myself, by means 
 of mental prayer; and being of opinion, that in this life 
 there was no greater blessing than to practice such kind of 
 prayer, I began, by indirect discourses, to try all in my 
 power that he might obtain it, and for this object I gave him 
 some books. Being so virtuous a man, as I have already men¬ 
 tioned, he applied himself so diligently to this exercise, that 
 within five or six years he advanced so much, that I blessed 
 our Lord very much for the favor, and it gave me the 
 greatest consolation. The troubles he endured were various 
 and very severe, all of which he endured with much con¬ 
 formity (to God’s will). He often came to see me, and de- 
 uved great comfort by speaking on holy things. But when 
 now I was living in such distraction that I left off mental 
 prayer, and as I saw that he still thought me to be the very 
 same that I had been before, I was not able to endure this 
 without undeceiving him. I had passed a year and more 
 without prayer, thinking it was more humility in me to ab¬ 
 stain, which was the greatest temptation I ever had, as I 
 shall afterwards mention, for by this means I ran headlong 
 towards my total ruin; whereas, when I practiced prayer, if 
 I offended God one day, I recollected myself the next, and 
 removed myself farther from the occasion. Wherefore, as 
 my good father came when I was in this state, thinking that 
 I still conversed with God, as I formerly had done, it was 
 too much for me to see him so greatly deceived; and so I 
 told him that I no longer used mental prayer, though I did 
 not mention the cause. I alleged, however, my infirmities 
 as the obstacle, for although I had recovered from my severe 
 illness, still I always had afflictions, and very great ones too ; 
 of late years they were not indeed so violent and painful’ 
 but they failed not still to continue in many ways. For 
 twenty years together, in particular, I had vomitings every 
 morning to such a degree, that I could never break my fast 
 till noon was over—yea, and sometimes later. That I am 
 now able to receive the blessed Sacrament more frequently 
 proceed', from this cause—that these vomitings come on at 
 8 
 
86 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 mglit before I go to bed, and then they give much more pain, 
 for I am obl.ged to hasten them by means of feathers and 
 other things ; because if I have not these vomits, the pain 
 wlucn I feel is extreme. But I think I am seldom or ever 
 without many pains, and sometimes these are very sharp 
 especially at my heart, though still all my sickness, &c ’ 
 which used to come upon me so thickly, now come only sel¬ 
 dom—such as the dreadful palsy, and other fevers, which 
 used to attack me, so that now I often find myself in good 
 health. But I have made so little account of these sufferings 
 for the last eight years, that sometimes I am even glad I 
 have them, thinking that our Lord may be somewhat served 
 thereby. . As my father believed that this was the cause of 
 my omission, and as he never told an untruth himself, he 
 had no reason to think but that I told the truth, considering 
 on what subject I was then discoursing with him. And that 
 lie might believe me the more, 1 told him also that I had 
 enough to. do to be able to assist in the choir (though I saw 
 clearly this was not a sufficient excuse), to make me omit 
 such a practice, since for such an action there is no need of 
 corporeal strength, but only of love and habit, because our 
 Lord will always give us an opportunity, if we ourselves have 
 the will and inclination. I say, “ always” because, thou-h 
 infirmities and other causes may sometimes hinder one from 
 spending many hours in solitude, yet we shall have some 
 other times wherein we may have health enough for bein^ i n 
 solitude, and even during the same sickness; for, on such 
 occasions, the best, prayer may be made (since it is the soul 
 which loves), by offering up our pains to God; by remem¬ 
 bering for whose sake they are endured; and by conforming 
 ourselves to His will, and in a thousand other ways tha* 
 may offer themselves. Thus we may exercise our love ; for 
 there is no necessity, either for one to be in solitude, or to 
 use mental prayer at all. If we take a little care, we may 
 obtain great blessings, even when our Lord takes away from 
 us opportunities for prayer, by sending us sickness : and I 
 myself found tins to be true, as long as I kept my conscience 
 pure. But my father, through the opinion which he had of 
 me, and the love he Lore me, not only believed all I said, 
 but pitied me. As he now found himself raised to such an 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 87 
 
 eminent degree of prayer, he did not remain very long with 
 me, considering his stay to be loss of time, and therefore he 
 returned home. Being desirous of spending my time on other 
 vanities, I was little troubled at his departure. 
 
 But I not only persuaded him, but others also, to apply 
 themselves to prayer, even while I was in the midst of these 
 vanities; as I found them fond of vocal prayer, I told them 
 how to make use of meditation, and gave them books and 
 did them good, for I still had a desire that others should 
 serve God, even from the time that I began to practice 
 mental prayer, as I before mentioned. It seemed to me, 
 that as I did not serve our Lord so well as I should, I was 
 desirous that the light which His Majesty had bestowed upon 
 me might not be lost, but that others should serve Him by 
 my means. I relate this here to show the great blindness 
 in which I was, which exposed me to the danger of losing 
 myself, while I was endeavoring to do good to others. 
 
 About this time my father fell ill of the sickness of which 
 he died, and which continued only a few days. I went to 
 attend him, being more sick in my soul than he was in the 
 body, on account of my numerous vanities, though not to 
 such a degree as to think I was in mortal sin, even in the 
 worst time of my wickedness ; for, certainly, if I had thought 
 so, I would never have continued therein. 1 suffered much 
 during his illness, and I think, in some slight way, I made 
 up for the trouble lie took with me when I was ill. Though 
 very unwell then, I endeavored to assist him all I could; 
 for I reflected how in losing him, I should lose all my joy and 
 comfort, for in him I placed them. But I animated myself 
 in such a way as not to show him I was in any pain, and con¬ 
 tinued till he expired as if I felt no trouble at all; though 
 when I saw him on the point of death, it seemed as if my 
 soul had been torn from my body, for I loved him much. 
 
 The death of my father caused me to praise our Lord, to¬ 
 gether with the desire he had to die, and the good counsels 
 he gave us after he had received extreme unction; and how 
 he charged us to recommend him to God, and to beg for 
 mercy for him, exhorting us always to serve Him, and to con¬ 
 sider how evervtbim? emies to an end. He told us also, with 
 tears, Low very grieved he was at not having served God better, 
 
88' 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 and that lie wished he had been a Religious in the strictest 
 Order that existed. I consider it certain, that, some fifteen 
 days before, our Lord gave him to understand he was to die ; 
 because before that time he did not think himself very ill, 
 though he was so in reality ; but afterwards, though he 
 seemed to grow better, and the doctors told him so, yet he 
 paid no attention to them, but only thought of putting his 
 soul in order. His sickness began with a very grievous pain 
 in his shoulders, which never left him, and sometimes it was 
 so severe that he suffered exceedingly. I told him that since 
 he had been so devoted to that part of our Lord’s passion in 
 which He carried Ilis cross, he should consider our Lord was 
 pleased that he should feel something of what He himself 
 then suffered ; and he was so comforted by this thought, that 
 I do not remember to have heard him complain any more. 
 For three days he seemed to have lost his reason ; but, on 
 the day he died, our Lord restored it to him so entirely, that 
 we were all amazed thereat; and so he continued reciting the 
 Creed, and when he came to the middle of it he expired. 
 When he was dead, he looked like an angel; and such, in 
 my opinion, he was (so to speak), both in soul and disposition ; 
 this latter was extremely good. I do not know why I have 
 spoken so much of him, unless it be to condemn my own 
 wickedness, inasmuch as, after having witnessed such a death, 
 and known he led such a life, T ought to have reformed mine, 
 so as to have in some degree resembled my father. His con¬ 
 fessor, who was a Dominican, and a very learned man, 
 asserted that he had no doubt my father would go straight 
 * to heaven ; for he had been his confessor for many years, and 
 spoke much of the purity of his conscience. 
 
 This Dominican father, being a very worthy man, and a 
 true servant of God, did me a great deal of good, for I “con¬ 
 fessed ” to him : he undertook the care of my soul with great 
 diligence, and made me understand the way of perdition, in 
 % which I was walking. He also made me communicate every 
 fifteen days ; and when I spoke to him about the nature of my 
 prayer, he told me I must not fail to use it, for that I could 
 not in any way practice it without deriving advantage. i 
 began, therefore, to use it again ; and from that time forward 
 I never left it off, though I did not then quit the occasions 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 89 
 
 of sin. In the mean time I passed a most miserable life, for 
 in my prayer I came to know my faults ; God called me on 
 the one hand, and on the other the world; all the things of 
 God gave me great pleasure, but the vanities of the world 
 held me in chains; and it seems 1 had a desire to reconcile 
 these two contraries, which are such enemies one to another, 
 viz., a spiritual life, and the pleasures and pastimes of the 
 world. In prayer I endured great affliction, because my soul 
 was not master, but a slave ; and thus I was unable to retire 
 within my heart (which was my method of proceeding I 
 formerly used in prayer), without at the same time shutting 
 up with me a thousand vanities. In this way I passed several 
 years, so that I am now astonished how it happened that I 
 did not correct my faults, or that I did not abandon prayer. 
 I know well that it was no longer in my power to abandon 
 prayer, for He held me in His hands who had resolved to do 
 me greater favors. Oh ! that I could declare the occasions 
 of doing ill, which God removed from me in those years, and 
 how I put myself again into them; that I could mention the 
 danger I was in, from which he delivered me, of losing all 
 my reputation ; how I endeavored to discover by my actions 
 what kind of a creature I was, and how our Lord concealed 
 my faults, and made me know the little virtue I possessed,— 
 if indeed I had any at all,—so that it appeared great in the 
 eyes of all men, in such a way that they always esteemed me 
 much. For though my vanities sometimes shone through my 
 actions, yet, as they noticed other things in me which appeared 
 good, they would not believe my wickedness. But the cause 
 of this was, that He who knoweth all things saw this was 
 necessary, in order that when afterwards I should exhort 
 persons to devote themselves to His service, they might give 
 me some credit. His sovereign goodness did not so much 
 consider my great sins, as those desires which I sometimes felt 
 to serve Him, and the great trouble I experienced in not having 
 strength to execute them. 
 
 But, 0 thou Lord of my soul! how shall I be able to ex¬ 
 press with gratitude the favors Thou didst bestow on me 
 during these years'? And how, at the very time I was 
 offending Thee most, Thou didst in a short time dispose me 
 for a most profound sorrow, that so I might enjoy Thy favors 
 
90 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 and consolations. The truth is, 0 my King! Thou didst 
 adopt as one means, the most exquisite and sharp kind of 
 punishment which could be found for me : for Thou knewest 
 well what would prove most afflicting to me, viz.—that my 
 sins should be punished by receiving sorrow from Thee! It 
 is no foolish thing which I utter, though one should not be 
 surprised if I became foolish, when I recall the memory of 
 my ingratitude and wickedness against Thee. But it was 
 much more grievous for me to receive favors, when at the 
 same time I was committing great faults, than it would have 
 been to have endured severe punishments: hence, even one 
 of those favors received seems capable of confounding and 
 afflicting me, more than many corporal infirmities and other 
 troubles united. As to the latter, I saw that I deserved 
 them, and I thought I had made some satisfaction by them 
 for my sins, though all indeed were but little, considering 
 the multitude of my sins. But to see myself again receiving 
 fresh favors, though I made such a bad return for those I had 
 received before, was a most terrible punishment for me : and 
 I think it will be considered so by all who have any knowl¬ 
 edge or love of Grod. Hence flowed my tears and came my 
 indignation, seeing what I found in myself, that I was still on 
 the point of falling again, though my desires and resolutions 
 w r ere then firm—I mean as long as the favors lasted. It is 
 a great misfortune for a soul to be alone amidst such dangers ; 
 and methinks if I knew any one to whom I could have spoken 
 on these matters, it would have helped me from not falling 
 agam : at least, I should have been prevented through shame, 
 even had I no shame in offending Grod. 
 
 Those, therefore, who make use of mental prayer, es¬ 
 pecially at the beginning thereof, would do well to be on 
 terms of friendship and familiarity with other persons who 
 practice this kind of prayer; for this is very important, 
 though it should serve no other purpose than to be assisted 
 by each other’s prayers, and how much more so when so 
 many advantages are to be gained ! And if in the commerce 
 and intercourse of the world, though vain and useless it be, 
 we endeavor to procure friends to assuage our sorrows, and 
 to make us enjoy ourselves the mere by the recital of our 
 vain pleasures, I do not see why they who begin to love and 
 
91 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 serve God in earnest, should not be permitted to communicate 
 to some one their joys aud their sorrows—for those who 
 practice prayer, experience both. For if he be sincere who 
 desires to be in friendship with His Majesty, he need not fear 
 vain-glory : and should he be attacked by any temptations 
 thereto, he will come off with merit. I believe that whoever 
 shall, with this intention, speak to others on such matters, 
 will both profit himself and those who hear him, and will also 
 become more enlightened in his understanding, as well as 
 more skilful in instructing his friends. He who should be 
 exposed to vain-glory when thus speaking, would also be 
 exposed whenever he is seen devoutly to hear Mass, and by 
 doing other things likewise which he is bound to do—under 
 pain of not being a good Christian: and yet these things 
 must not be omitted, through fear of vain-glory. 
 
 This point is of such great impor tance for the welfare of 
 all those souls who are not yet strengthened in virtue (as 
 there are so many adversaries, and even friends, ready to 
 excite them to evil), that I know not how to express its im¬ 
 portance. It seems to me, that the devil has made use of 
 this device—as being something very advantageous to him— 
 viz., that men should as carefully hide themselves from those 
 who understand them, and who sincerely endeavor to make 
 the n love and please God, as he (the devil) has induced 
 others to discover their evil inclinations to each other; and 
 this latter practice is now so common, as to pass for a kind 
 of gallantry—and thus men publish the offences which, by 
 this means, they commit against God. 
 
 I know not if what I say be nonsense; if it be, I trust 
 your Reverence will tear it up; but if not, I beseech you to 
 assist my simplicity, by adding much of your own experience 
 to the subject. For divine things are now so little attended 
 to, that they who desire to serve God have need of each 
 other’s help in order to advance in virtue ; so very much in 
 fashion are the vanities and pleasures of the world, that few 
 see any evil in them. But whenever any one begins to give 
 himself to God, so many blame him, that he will find it 
 necessary to seek for some one to defend him, until lie shall 
 become strong enough not to be uneasy under suffering ; 
 but should he be sorrowful, he may himself fall into great 
 
92 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 difficulties. This, perhaps, may be the reason why some 
 saints have retired into deserts. But as it is a part of 
 humility not to put any confidence in one’s self, so we should 
 believe that God will not fail to help us to live among those 
 with whom we are obliged to converse. And thus charity 
 will increase by being communicated; and there are a thou¬ 
 sand other benefits, of which I should not dare to speak, 
 lad 1 not great experience of their importance. True it is, that 
 I am both the weakest and the most wicked of all creatures : 
 but yet I believe, that whoever will humble himself—though 
 he be strong—and not trust in himself, but in one who has 
 experience in these matters, will not lose anything. Respect¬ 
 ing myself, I am able to say, that if our Lord had not dis¬ 
 covered this truth to me, and had not also given me means 
 to treat, in a very familiar manner, with persons who were 
 given to mental prayer, I should still have gone over—falling 
 and rising till I had fallen headlong into hell. For I had 
 many friends who would have helped me to fall: but in en¬ 
 deavoring to rise up again, I found myself so much alone, 
 lat now I am astonished I did not always remain in a fallen 
 state. I praise the mercy of God, for He alone it was who 
 
 gave me a helping hand : may he be praised forever and 
 ever. Amen. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 SHE MENTIONS WHAT GREAT GOOD HER SOUL RECEIVED BY NOT HAV¬ 
 ING ENTIRELY GIVEN UP HER METHOD OF PRAYER: ALSO, WHAT AN 
 EXCELLENT REMEDY PRAYER IS FOR GAINING WHAT WE HAVE LOST. 
 
 Not without reason have I been considering so long this 
 life of mine; for I clearly see that it will give no pleasure 
 to any one, to look upon such a wicked creature as myself. 
 And really I should be glad that all those who read this ac¬ 
 count would abhor me, in seeing a soul so obstinate and so 
 ungrateful towards Him, who has bestowed so many favors 
 on her. And I wish I could obtain leave to declare the 
 many tunes I failed, during this period, in my obligations to 
 Ixod, because I was not supported by this strong pillar of 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 93 
 
 mental prayer. I passed though this tempestuous sea almost 
 twenty years, between these fallings and risings (though I 
 rose very imperfectly, since I fell again so quickly) • and in 
 this kind of life, which was so far below perfection, I made 
 almost no account of venial sins 5 and for mortal ones, I 
 feared them it is true, hut not so much as I ought to have 
 done, since I did not avoid the dangerous occasions. I can 
 declare, that this was one of the most painful kinds of life 
 which can he imagined, for I neither enjoyed the sweet¬ 
 ness of God, nor the pleasures of the world. When I was 
 entertaining myself with the amusements of the world, the 
 remembrance of what I owed to God gave me pain 5 and 
 when I was conversing with Him in prayer, the affections I 
 had for the world disturbed me : and this was a conflict so 
 very painful, that I know not how it was possible for me to 
 endure it for one month, much more for so many years. 
 Herein I clearly see the great mercy God showed me, that, 
 dealing so much as I did with the world, I could still have 
 the courage to apply myself to mental prayer. I say “ cour¬ 
 age,” because I see not one thing in the world in which there 
 seems to he need of greater, than to be carrying on treason 
 against a King, and to be sensible that He knows it well, 
 and yet never to depart from His presence. For though it 
 be true, that we are always in the presence of God, yet, me- 
 thinks that they who converse with Him in mental prayer, 
 are in a special manner in His presence, because then they 
 see that He regards them ; whereas others may remain some 
 days in His presence, without remembering that He looks 
 upon them. True it is that within this time there were, I 
 believe, many months, and sometimes perhaps a whole year, 
 that I kept myself from offending our Lord ; and I gave my¬ 
 self much to prayer, and I used some, and even great 
 diligence, that I might never offend Him more ; and this I 
 here declare, because what I write now is to be delivered 
 with truth ; but I remember little of those good days, and 
 therefore it may be thought they were few, and the evil ones 
 many j yet few days passed without my giving a considerable 
 time to prayer, unless I were very sick, or extremely busy. 
 The more ill I was, the more was I united with God ; and I 
 endeavored that those persons who were then with me might 
 
94 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 be so too ; and this I begged of our Lord, and we spoke 
 very often of Him. And so, with the exception of that one 
 year of which I have spoken, during the eight-and-twenty 
 years which have passed since first I began to use mental 
 prayer, I have endured this battle and strife for more than 
 eighteen, through conversing with God and the world at the 
 same time. In those other years of which I have yet to 
 speak, the cause of the war was changed, though this has not 
 been inconsiderable. But as 1 was then, I think, in the ser¬ 
 vice of God, and had a knowledge of the vanity of the world, 
 all was sweet and pleasant, as I shall declare afterwards. 
 
 Now the reason why I have given this account is, first, 
 in order that the mercy of God and my ingratitude towards 
 Him may be discerned as I have before mentioned; and 
 secondly, that it may be understood how great a blessing 
 God bestows on that soul, which He disposes to practice 
 mental prayer with a good will, even though she were not so 
 well prepared for it as she should be. But if she persevere 
 therein, whatever sins she 1; ay commit, whatever temptations 
 may be presented to her, or whatever falls she may receive 
 in a thousand different ways from the devil, I consider it 
 certain that our Lord will, in the end, bring her safe to the 
 port of salvation, as (it seems now) He has done so to me; 
 may His Majesty grant that I may never again expose mysel^ 
 to Le lost. Many holy and good men have written on th* 
 benefits he obtains, who exercises himself in prayer—I mean 
 mental prayer; and glory be to God for it. And even if 
 this were not true, though I have but little humility, yet I 
 am not so proud as to venture to speak on this subject. 
 
 But T may presume to say something of that, concerning 
 which I have some experience; and it is this, that whoever 
 has begun mental prayer, I wish him not to give it up, what¬ 
 ever sins he may commit in the mean time, since this is the 
 means by which he may recover himself again; but without 
 it, he will find the work much more difficult. And let not 
 the devil tempt him, as he did me, to leave it off through a 
 motive of humility; but let him firmly believe that God’s 
 word, cannot fail; that if we truly repent, and are determined 
 not to offend Him any more, He will restore us to the same 
 friendship we enjoyed before, and bestow on us the same 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 95 
 
 favors we received before, and sometimes even greater , if our 
 repentance should deserve it. Whoever has not commenced 
 this exercise, I beseech him, for the love of our Lord, not to 
 deprive himself of so great a benefit. Here we have nothing 
 to fear, but much to desire ; for though one should not ad¬ 
 vance much, nor strive to be so perfect as to deserve those 
 favors and caresses which God gives to perfect souls, yet, the 
 least which he will obtain will be, to advance along the path 
 that leads to heaven, and to know that it is the right way. 
 1 trust in the mercy of God, that no one ever made choice 
 of Him for a friend, whom He did not well repay, if he per¬ 
 severed ; for mental prayer is nothing else, in my opinion, 
 than a treaty of friendship with our Lord, often speaking 
 alone with Him, who we know loves us. And if you love 
 Him not yet (for, in order that your love may be sincere and 
 the friendship may last, the conditions must be reciprocal; 
 and we know that nothing will be wanting on our Lord’s part, 
 and that our nature is vicious, sensual, and ungrateful) ; I 
 repeat, if you do not as yet love Him so much, on account 
 of the difference which exists between His nature and ours, 
 . yet, considering how important it is that we should be on 
 terms of friendship with Him, and how much He loves us, 
 we must bear patiently the pain of conversing often with'One 
 whose nature is so different from ours. Oh! infinite good¬ 
 ness of my God • it seems to me that I see Thee and see 
 myself in this manner. Oh ! joy of the angels ! how I desire, 
 when I consider these things, to be dissolved in loving Thee. 
 How certain is it, that Thou dost suffer much, when we do 
 not allow Thee to be with us! Oh ! what a good friend Thou 
 art, my Lord, since Thou continuest to caress us, and 
 patiently to bear with us! And Thou waitest, till we 
 make ourselves like to Thee, and in the mean time Thou dost 
 endure our corrupt nature. Thou takest into account, my 
 Lord, the few hours during which we love Thee 5 and by one 
 single act of repentance on our part, Thou forgettest all our 
 offences. All this I have clearly seen in my own case ; and 
 I cannot understand, 0 my Creator, why the whole world 
 does not strive to draw near unto Thee, in order to share in 
 this close friendship. The wicked, who are not of the same 
 nature with Thee, should come to Thee, that Thou rnayest 
 
96 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 make them good, and that they may suffer Thee to be with 
 them, though it were only for two hours in the day; yea, 
 though it were with a thousand distracting cares and thoughts 
 of the world, as I myself was accustomed to have. And to 
 recompense the violence they use, in order to make them¬ 
 selves love being in Thy company (for neither in these begin¬ 
 nings, nor afterwards, can they avoid these distractions), 
 Thou obligest, 0 Lord, the devils to abstain from attacking 
 them, and each day Thou dost lessen their power over them, 
 and thou givest them strength to overcome these evil spirits. 
 O Life of all lives! Thou dost never destroy any one who 
 puts his confidence in Thee, nor any one who desires Thee 
 for a friend : but Thou sustainest the life of the body with 
 increased health, and Thou givest the same to the soul. 
 
 For my part, I cannot understand why men should fear, 
 as they do, to begin the practice of mental prayer, nor do I 
 know what they are afraid of. The devil, however, strives 
 all he can to make us fearful (in order to do us thereby 
 some real evil) of thinking how much we have offended God; 
 how much we owe Him ; that there is a heaven and a hell, 
 and what great labors and sufferings our Lord endured for * 
 our sake. This was my prayer, which I continued during 
 all the time I was in these dangers; and thus did I medi¬ 
 tate whenever I was able. And often, for some years, I was 
 more desirous that the hour should end, and more anxious 
 to hear the clock strike, than to attend to other good things. 
 And many times it happened, that whatever penance was 
 set before me, however great, I would more willingly have 
 performed it than prepare myself for prayer. And it is 
 certain that the violence which the devil employed against 
 me was either so insupportable, or my own wicked habits 
 were so great, that I was induced not to go to prayer; and 
 the sadness of my heart was such when I entered into my 
 oratory, that all my courage was necessary to help me to 
 force myself: at last, our Lord was pleased to assist me; 
 and people say the courage I have is not little ; and it seems 
 our Lord has given me greater than is usually given to 
 women, but I have made a very bad use of it: but after' 
 wards, when I had made use of this violence, I found myself 
 in the enjoyment of more quiet and more consolation, sq 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 97 
 
 that sometimes I had a desire to pray. Since, then, our 
 Lord endured for so long a time such a wicked creature as 
 myself—and it appears clear that all my evils were remedied 
 by -this means (of prayer)—what person, however wicked he 
 may be, can have any reason to be afraid ? For, how wicked 
 soever he may have been, yet he cannot be so bad as I was 
 during many years, after I had received so many favors from 
 our Lord. And who can distrust our Lord, since He bore 
 with me so long, and for this sole reason, because I desired 
 and procured some time and place in which He might be 
 with me ? And this I often did, without any inclination of 
 my own, but only by the great violence which I either offered 
 to myself, or which our Lord offered to me. If, therefore, 
 the use of mental prayer be so proper—and even so neces¬ 
 sary for those who do not serve God, but offend him; and 
 since no one can possibly find it can do him any harm, which 
 would not be much greater without prayer, how can they 
 omit it who serve God and desire to love Him ? Most cer¬ 
 tainly, unless a man wishes to pass through the troubles of 
 this life with still more numerous troubles, and to close the 
 gate against God himself, lest He should by this means give 
 him comfort, I cannot understand his manner of proceeding. 
 I have, indeed, much compassion for those souls who serve 
 God at their own cost; but as for those who use mental 
 prayer, our Lord bears their expenses, and repays the little 
 trouble they endure with many pleasures, that so they may 
 bear those troubles for His sake. Concerning those caresses 
 which our Lord gives to those who persevere in prayer, I 
 shall speak more at length further on, and shall say nothing 
 here. I will only mention, that prayer was the gate through 
 which God bestowed on me such great favors: if that be 
 closed, I know not how He will bestow them, because though 
 he should desire to enter a soul, to regale both Himself and 
 her, He has no means of doing so, because He wishes to 
 have her all to Himself, to be pure, and to be desirous of 
 receiving favors. If we put any obstacles in the way, and 
 do nothing to remove them, how can we expect Him to 
 come to us, or desire that He should bestow great favors 
 upon us ? 
 
 In order that His mercy may be seen, and the great benefit 
 
it was for me, not to have omitted prayer and reading, I will 
 here mention (since to understand this point is very impor¬ 
 tant) what kind of a battery the devil raises against a soul, 
 in order to gain her: and with what art and mercy our Lord 
 endeavors to draw her to Himself, in order that others may 
 be on their guard against those dangers to which I exposed 
 myself: but, above all things, by the great love with which 
 our Lord seeks to draw us to Himself, I entreat others, for 
 the love of God, to keep themselves from dangerous occa¬ 
 sions ; for when we are in the midst of them, there can be 
 no security against so many enemies who attack us, especially 
 as we are so weak in defending ourselves. I wish I could 
 here describe the captivity in which my soul w r as bound in 
 those days; for I knew well I was a captive, but yet I could 
 not understand to what I was a slave, nor could I wholly 
 believe that what my confessors represented as trifling, was 
 so very bad, as I felt it to be in my soul. A certain person 
 once told me, when I went to him with a scruple, that 
 although I should practice the highest degree of contempla¬ 
 tion? yet such occasions and conversations w T ere not preju¬ 
 dicial to me. This happened to me towards the end, when, 
 by the grace of God, 1 was separating myself more and more 
 from great dangers. When they observed me to have good 
 desires, and to follow the exercise of prayer, they thought I 
 did a great deal; but my soul knew well, that this was not 
 doing all I w r as obliged to do, for One to whom I owed so much. 
 I am now grieved when I consider how much my soul suf¬ 
 fered, and what little help she received from any one but 
 God, and how many opportunities I had for pleasures and 
 pastimes, by being told they were lawful. But the torment 
 which I endured by hearing sermons was not little, for I 
 v r as particularly fond of them 5 in so much so, that whenever 
 I heard any one preach well, and with animation, I conceived 
 a particular love for him, wdthout endeavoring to feel it, 
 though I know not how I came to have it. It seemed to me, 
 that no sermon could ever be so bad which I would not will¬ 
 ingly listen to, although, in the opinion of others who heard 
 it, the sermon might not have been good ; but when it was, 
 it gave me particular pleasure. I was seldom or ever tired 
 with speaking of God, or with hearing Him spoken of: this 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 99 
 
 was after I had begun to use mental prayer. On the one 
 hand, sermons gave me great consolation, but on the other, 
 they tormented me, because by them I understood that I 
 was far from being what I ought to be. I begged of our 
 Lord to help me 5 but, as far as I can judge, I was to blame 
 tor. not putting my whole confidence in His Majesty, and 
 entirely distrusting myself. I sought for a remedy, and I 
 was diligent therein ; but I understood not that all is of little 
 use, unless we strip ourselves of all confidence in ourselves 
 and put all our trust in God. I desired to lead a true life’ 
 for I knew well I was not doing so then, but that I was’ 
 lighting with the shadow of death, and there was no one who 
 could give me life. I could not. take it myself, and He who 
 could give it to me had reason enough not to help me, since 
 He had so often drawn me to Himself, and I had left Him. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 SHE DECLARES BY WHAT MEANS OUR LORD BEGAN' TO AWAKEN HER 
 SOUL, AND TO ENLIGHTEN HER IN SUCH GREAT DARKNESS. 
 
 But now my soul began to grow weary; and yet the bad 
 habits which I had acquired would not permit her, though 
 she desired it, to take any repose. It happened one day, 
 
 • that I went into the oratory to see a picture which had been 
 brought there, to be kept for a certain festival which was 
 celebrated in the house, and when I looked upon it I was 
 much affected; it was Christ our Lord, all covered with 
 wounds; and being devoutly made, it represented very well 
 all that He had suffered for us. The sense of the little 
 gratitude I had showed to our Lord for all these wounds was 
 such, that I thought my heart would break; and so I cast 
 myself down near the picture, shedding floods of tears, and 
 beseeching God to strengthen me once for all, that so I 
 might never more offend Him. 
 
 I was very much devoted to the glorious Mary Magdalen, 
 and I very often thought of her conversion, especially when 
 I received the holy communion; for as I certainly knew our 
 Lord was within me at that time, I placed myself at His 
 
100 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 feet, thinking my tears would not be despised by Him. I 
 know not what I said then ; but still I know, that He who 
 was pleased I should shed those tears did bestow favors on 
 me, since I forgot so soon those tender feelings. I also 
 recommended myself to this glorious saint, that she might 
 help me to obtain the pardon of my sins. 
 
 But I think that I gained more profit on this last occasion, 
 when I prayed before the picture, because I had a great dis¬ 
 trust in myself, and placed all my confidence in God. It 
 seems to me that I then told Him I would never rise from 
 that place till He had granted my petition ; and I am firmly 
 persuaded this did me good, for I have gone on improving 
 much ever since that time. This was my method of prayer : 
 not being able to discourse with my understanding, I en¬ 
 deavored to represent Christ as within me; and I thought I 
 always found myself better, when I saw Him in places where 
 He was most alone; for, being alone and afflicted, it seemed 
 as if He would then admit me, as a person in great misery. 
 I had many of these simplicities, and especially I found much 
 profit in the prayer made by our Saviour in the garden: 
 there I was accustomed to accompany Him. I thought on 
 His bloody sweat, and the great torment He then endured; 
 and I desired to wipe off that most painful sweat from His 
 face ; but I remember that I never dared presume to do this, 
 so grievously did my sins represent themselves to me. How¬ 
 ever, I remained by Him, as well as my thoughts would 
 allow, because many were the thoughts which tormented me 
 most nights, during many years. Before I went to sleep, 
 and was recommending myself to God, I always thought a 
 little on the prayer ip the garden, even, before I was a Reli¬ 
 gious, for I had been told I could gain many indulgences 
 thereby. I think I gained much by this means, for I began 
 to use mental prayer, without knowing what it was; and it 
 was as usual with me not to omit this practice, as to omit 
 blessing myself before I fell asleep. 
 
 But, to return to what I was saying respecting the torment 
 which my thoughts gave me. This method of proceeding 
 without the help of the understanding is such, that the soul 
 either gains or loses much by it. She loses, when all con¬ 
 sideration is gone; and she gains much, because all such 
 
101 
 
 LIFE OF S*T. TERESA. 
 
 prayer is love. But to arrive at this point will cost us a 
 great deal of trouble, with the exception of those persons 
 whom our Lord pleases to conduct, in a short time, to the 
 prayer of quiet: and some such persons I know. But for 
 those who go along this way, it is good to use a book, in 
 order to recollect themselves quickly. As to myself, I re¬ 
 ceived profit in looking upon the fields, flowers, and water: 
 in these things I found something to remind me of our Crea¬ 
 tor—I mean, they served to awaken and keep me recollected, 
 and they were as a book to me : they also brought to mind 
 my sins and ingratitude. As regards heavenly things and 
 other such high subjects, my understanding was so dull, that 
 I was never able to represent them to my imagination, until 
 our Lord represented them to me by other means. 
 
 I had so little ability in representing things to my mind 
 by means of the understanding, that my imagination availed 
 me nothing, except only respecting things which I saw; and 
 yet others are able to do this, because they know how to 
 form representations, by which they are enabled to recollect 
 themselves. I could only think on Christ our Lord as man; 
 and it is quite true, that how much soever I read of His 
 beauty, or saw pictures of Him, yet I could never represent 
 Him to myself, but was just like one who was either blind ol 
 in the dark ; for though he may speak with another person, 
 and know that he is with him, because he is sure this said 
 person is there, yet, he only knows and believes him to be 
 present, for he does not see him. In like manner it hap¬ 
 pened to me, whenever I thought of our Lord : this was the 
 reason I was so fond of pictures. Miserable creatures are 
 they who, through their own fault, lose this benefit. It ap¬ 
 pears clear to me that they do not love our Lord; for, if 
 they loved Him, they would be glad to see His pictures, 
 just as in this life we are glad to see the image of one whom 
 we love. 
 
 About this time the iC Confessions” of St. Augustine were 
 given to me: and it seems our Lord so ordained it, for 
 neither did I procure them, nor had I ever seen them before. 
 I had a very great affection for this saint, because the monas¬ 
 tery where I lived a secular was of his order, and also be¬ 
 cause he had been a sinner: for I found much comfort in 
 9 * 
 
102 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 those saints, who, after having been sinners, were converted 
 to our Lord, thinking that I should be helped by them, and 
 that our Lord would be pleased to forgive me as He had 
 them. But one consideration discouraged me, which was, 
 that our Lord called them but once, and they fell from Him 
 no more; but my falls were so numerous, that I was afflicted 
 exceedingly on this account. But yet, when I considered 
 the love lie bore me, I was encouraged, for I never dis¬ 
 trusted in His mercy, though in myself I did very often. 
 Oh my God, how astonished I am at that obstinacy of mine, 
 during which I continued to receive so many helps from Thy 
 hand! I am fearful when I consider how little I was able 
 to do with myself, and how I remained still tied, and deter¬ 
 mined not to give myself wholly to Thee. But when I be¬ 
 gan to read the 66 Confessions,” I thought I saw myself de^ 
 scribed therein, and I recommended myself earnestly to this 
 glorious saint. A\ hen I came to the account of his “ con¬ 
 version,” and read how he heard that voice in the garden, it 
 was, I thought, as if our Lord Himself spoke to me, so lively 
 was the feeling of my heart. For some time I was entirely 
 dissolved in tears, and felt great affliction and anguish within 
 me. Oh my God, how much does a soul suffer, after losing 
 her liberty of being mistress over herself! And what tor¬ 
 ments does she not endure! I wonder how I was able to 
 live in such great trouble. But, blessed be Grod, who gave 
 me life, that I might escape from so deadly a death; me- 
 thought I obtained great strength from His Majesty, and 
 that He would now hear my cries, and have compassion on 
 all my tears. 
 
 My desire to spend more time with Him began also to in' 
 crease, and to draw myself from all evil occasions; for when 
 once they were removed, I immediately began again to love 
 His Majesty—at least, I thought I then loved Him ; but, in 
 reality, I understood not, as I ought to have understood, in 
 what the love of God consisted. As far as I remember, I 
 had scarcely finished disposing myself, and wishing to serve 
 Him, when His Majesty began to caress me. It seems that 
 what others endeavored to acquire by great labor, our Lord 
 caressed me in such a way as to make me desirous of re¬ 
 ceiving it, viz., His giving me delights and caresses in these 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 103 
 
 latter years. I was never so bold as to beseech Him to give 
 me any tenderness of devotion j but I only begged of Him 
 to give me grace not to olfend Him any more, and that He 
 would pardon my great sins : and seeing how numerous they 
 were, I never intentionally presumed to desire either delights 
 or caresses. I thought He showed me pity enough 3 and 
 truly great was His mercy towards me, in allowing me to 
 appear before His presence; for I knew that if He had not 
 done so, I should never have come. Only once in my life I 
 remember having asked of Him to give me some consolations, 
 and this was when 1 had great dryness of devotion • but as 
 soon as I reflected on what I had done, I was so confused, 
 that the very grief I felt in seeing what little humility I 
 possessed, obtained for me what I had not dared to ask for. 
 I knew well, however, it was lawful to pray for it: but I 
 thought this was true for those only who were disposed to 
 receive it, by their having endeavored, with all their strength, 
 to acquire true devotion; and this consists in not offending 
 God, and in being disposed and resolved to do everything 
 that is good. And methought that those tears of mine 
 w r ere feminine tears, without any efficacy, since I did not ob¬ 
 tain that by them which I desired, though yet upon the 
 whole I believe they were useful to me ; because (as 1 have 
 said) especially after that great compunction I felt on those 
 two several occasions, and the pain I had at my heart, I be¬ 
 gan to give myself more to prayer, and not to interest my¬ 
 self so much in those things which might do me hurt. 1 did 
 not, liowmver, entirely leave them aside : but (as I w r as men¬ 
 tioning) God continued helping me to withdraw myself from 
 them: for His Majesty was only waiting for some prepara¬ 
 tion on my part, that so Ilis spiritual favors might increase 
 in the manner I shall relate : our Lord is not accustomed 
 to grant them, except to those only who keep their conscience 
 in greater purity than I did. 
 
104 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 THE SAINT BEGINS TO MENTION THE FAVORS OUR LORD BESTOWED 
 
 UPON HER IN PRAYER, AND SHE SPEAKS OF THE MANNER IN WHICH 
 
 WE MAY HELP OURSELVES, ETC. 
 
 As I have already mentioned, I sometimes had certain 
 beginnings of that which I shall now relate, though it passed 
 quickly away. It happened in this representation, when I 
 placed myself near Christ (of which I have been speaking), 
 and sometimes also when I was reading, that there would 
 suddenly come upon me such a feeling of the presence of 
 God,-that I could in no ways doubt but that He was with me, 
 or else I was engulfed in Him. This w r as not in the manner 
 of a vision, but I think they call it “ mystical theology,” 
 which suspends the soul in such a manner that she seems to 
 be wholly out of herself. The will loves ; the memory seems 
 to me to be almost lost, and the understanding does not dis¬ 
 course j as far as I can judge, though it be not lost; yet it 
 works not, as I was saying, but remains as if astonished at 
 considering how much it understands ; because God is pleased 
 it should know that it comprehends nothing of that which 
 His Majesty represents to it. At first, I very frequently 
 a certain tenderness, which in some measure, it 
 seems to me, may be procured ; it is a pleasure which is 
 neither wholly sensual nor wholly spiritual: it is all the gift 
 of God.J^Rut it seems we can help ourselves a great deal in 
 the acquisition of it, by considering our own baseness and 
 our ingratitude towards God ; how much He has done for us ; 
 His passion and grievous torments ; His whole life, which 
 was so afflicted ; by taking delight in considering His works, 
 His greatness, how much He loves us, and many other such 
 things. Whoever earnestly desires to profit by these, will 
 often meditate upon them, though he may not intentionally 
 walk along this path. And if, together with these reflections, 
 there be some love united, the soul will be caressed, the 
 heart softened, and tears will flow j sometimes it seems we 
 obtain these by force; and at other times our Lord gives 
 them to us, so that we are not able to resist them. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA.. 
 
 105 
 
 Now, it appears that His Majesty is pleased to repay us 
 for the slight care [we take to serve Him],* by that gift 
 which is so great, viz. ; the consolation He bestows on that 
 soul, whom He beholds weeping for having offended so great 
 a Lord ; and I wonder not at her being consoled so much ; 
 for in this she rejoices—in this she regales herself. 
 
 I think the comparison which now offers itself to me is a 
 just one, viz., that these joys of prayer must be something 
 like the joys of heaven ; for as they see no more there than 
 what God is pleased thev shall see, according to their deserts, 
 and as they see how small those deserts are, every one is con¬ 
 tent with the place he has, although there is a very great 
 difference in heaven between the joys of some and those of 
 others, as there is here on earth between spiritual pleasures 
 and earthly ones. And truly when God, in the beginning, 
 bestows such favors on a soul,, she is then almost convinced 
 there is nothing more to be desired ; and she considers her¬ 
 self to be well repaid for all that she has done in the service of 
 God; and with reason does she think so, for even one of 
 those tears (which, as I was saying, we might almost procure 
 ourselves,—though without God’s assistance we can do 
 nothing) cannot, in my opinion, be purchased by all the 
 labors of the world, because by those tears a soul gains 
 much. And what greater gain can there be, than to have 
 some proof or testimony that we please God ? Let him, 
 then, who has arrived at this point praise God exceedingly, 
 and acknowledge that he is greatly in His debt; because it 
 seems evident our Lord desires such an one for His own 
 house, and has chosen him for His kingdom, that so he may 
 turn back no more. 
 
 Let us not pay any attention to certain feelings of humility 
 which people have (and whereon I intend to speak); for, to 
 some it seems a part of humility not to understand those 
 gifts which our Lord bestows upon them. But let us know 
 well how the case stands with us, viz., that God does not 
 give us those gifts through our own merit, and that we should 
 be grateful to His Majesty for them : for if we know not what 
 we receive, we cannot excite ourselves to love Him. And it is a 
 
 "* These words are not in the original. 
 
106 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 most certain truth, that when we see ourselves to be very rich 
 (provided that we know we are poor), then more profit comes 
 to us, and our humility becomes even more sincere. The 
 other course tends only to intimidate the soul and to make 
 her think herself incapable of receiving great benefits ; viz., 
 if, when once our Lord begins to bestow them, the soul 
 should also begin to terrify herself with the fear of vain¬ 
 glory. Rather let us believe, that He who gives such favors 
 to us will likewise give us strength to resist the devil, and 
 grace to discover him when he proceeds to attack us on this 
 point, lliis will be the case if we act with sincerity before 
 (rod, and desire to please Him alone, and not men. It is 
 Aery certain, that we love a person the more, when we often 
 call to mind the favors he has conferred upon us. If, then, 
 it be lawful and so meritorious for us, always to remember 
 that we have received our being from God,—that He made 
 us out of nothing,—that He preserves us,—and what benefits 
 we have derived from His death and sufferings, which He 
 endured long before we were created for every one who is 
 now alive, why should it not be lawful for me to know and 
 to consider how often I was accustomed to be speaking of 
 vain things, but that now our Lord has given me the grace 
 to desire nothing, save to speak of Him ? Behold here a 
 jewel, which, when we remember that it has been given to us, 
 and that we now possess it, forces and invites us to love 
 Him ! and all this good comes from prayer, when founded 
 on humility. But what will it be when we shall see in our 
 power other more, precious jewels, which some servants of 
 God have already received, viz., a contempt of the world, 
 and even of ourselves ? It is certain that we shall then con¬ 
 sider ourselves greater debtors, and more obliged to serve 
 Him 5 we shall be convinced that none of . these favors come 
 from ourselves, and we shall see the bounty of our Lord, who 
 wished to bestow more riches than I could even desire on a 
 soul so poor and wicked as mine, and without any merit 
 whatever ; for the first of these jewels would have been more 
 than suiiicient for me. It is necessary to acquire new 
 strength to serve Him, and to endeavor not to prove ungrate¬ 
 ful, because our Lord bestows the favors on this condition. 
 A.nd if we should not make a good use of this treasure, and 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 107 
 
 of the high place He has raised us to, He will take those 
 gifts away from us, and then we shall become much poorer 
 than we were before; and His Majesty will give those jewels 
 to whom He pleases ■ to one who will benefit himself and 
 others by the good use of them. But how can that man 
 who does not know he is rich, derive any benefit from them, 
 and distribute them to others with liberality'? In my 
 opinion it is impossible, considering our nature, that he should 
 have a soul capable of doing great things, who does not 
 know he is assisted by God, because as we are so miserable, 
 and so inclined to the things of earth, we cannot effectually 
 abhor them, unless we feel that we have some relish for 
 heavenly things. It is by these .gifts our Lord imparts that 
 fortitude to us which we lost by our sins. And unless a 
 person possess some pledge of God’s love towards him, united 
 with a lively faith, he cannot well rejoice at being despised 
 aud abhorred by every one, neither can he acquire those 
 other great virtues which the perfect possess. Naturally we 
 are so dead (in faith), that we consider only what we see; 
 and hence these very favors are the means which awaken and 
 strengthen our faith. It may happen, indeed, that being so 
 wicked myself, I judge of others by myself, and that these may 
 require no more than the true faith to make their works perfect. 
 But as I am so very miserable, I stand in need of every help. 
 
 Others may say what they think proper, but I relate what 
 I have experienced, following the command of my superiors ; 
 and if what I say be not good or proper, he to whom I send 
 the account may tear it in pieces, because he knows what is 
 unfit better than I do. And I beseech him, for the love of 
 our Lord, that he would publish whatever I have said hitherto 
 concerning my sins and wicked life ; and from this moment 
 I give leave to my present confessor, and to all who 
 have been my confessors (and he is of the number to 
 whom this account is going), to publish my sins even in 
 my lifetime, if they desire it, that so I may deceive the 
 world no longer, for people may think there is some good 
 in me. And I most sincerely speak the truth, that he who 
 should do so* would give me great consolation. But as 
 
 * That is, publish her sins. Here we have one proof, among many 
 others, of the wonderful humility of the Saint. 
 
108 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 regards what I shall relate afterwards, I give my confessors 
 no such liberty ; but should they show what I have written 
 to any one, I desire they will not mention who the person is, 
 nor in whom the things happened, nor who wrote the account: 
 and this is the reason why I do not name myself, nor any 
 one else; but in writing it, I have done my best not to be 
 known ; and I desire it may remain a secret for the love of 
 God. If our Lord shall give me grace to say anything that 
 is good, the approval of grave and learned persons will be 
 sufficient. And should there be anything useful, it will be 
 God’s, not mine; for I have no learning nor goodness, nor 
 have I been taught by any learned person, or by any one else. 
 And they only who command me to write it know that I 
 write it ; and at present they‘are not here. I write also as 
 if by stealth, and with trouble, because thereby I am kept 
 from spinning ; and I live in a poor house, and have a great 
 deal of business. If our Lord had given me better abilities, 
 and a more retentive memory (both of which are very poor), 
 I might then have profited by what I heard or read. And 
 so if I shall say anything go«.d, our Lord wills it for some 
 good end : but whatever is useless or bad, that will be mine, 
 and your Reverence may blot it out. And neither for the 
 one nor for the other will there be any advantage in mention¬ 
 ing my name. While one is alive, it is clear that his virtues 
 should not be mentioned; and when dead, the recital of 
 them will serve no other purpose but to make them lose all 
 authority and credit, when it is known the account is given 
 by such a base and miserable creature as myself. And 
 because I think and hope your Reverence will do this (and 
 I beg this favor from you, and from the others who may see 
 the recital, for the love of our Lord), hence I write with such 
 freedom ; for otherwise I should have some scruple in doing 
 so, though in declaring my sins I have none at all. In other 
 things, my being a woman is sufficient to account for my 
 stupidity 5 and how much more, since J am a wicked woman 
 also! 
 
 Whatever, therefore, your Reverence may find, above and 
 in addition to the simple account of my life, you must con¬ 
 sider it as intended only for yourself, since you have pressed 
 me so much to give some account of the favors our Lord 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA 109 
 
 bestowed on me in prayer, provided it be in accordance with 
 the doctrines of onr holy Catholic Church ; if not, you must 
 instantly burn it, for I submit myself to her authority. 
 I will mention what happened to me, in order that if it shall 
 prove conformable to the Catholic faith, it may be of some 
 service to your Reverence; and if not, you may be able to 
 undeceive my soul, that so the devil may gain nothing by 
 that wherein I thought I had gained something ; for our Lord 
 knows, as I shall afterwards show, that I always endeavored 
 to meet with persons who could enlighten me. 
 
 But however much I desire to speak clearly concerning 
 what relates to prayer, it will be very obscure for him who 
 has no experience therein. I shall also mention some of the 
 impediments which (in my opinion) prevent persons from 
 walking in this way, and other matters in which there may be 
 some danger, according to what our Lord has taught me by 
 experience ; and for many years since I have consulted very 
 learned and spiritual men, who see that during seven-and- 
 twenty years, in which I have used mental prayer (though I 
 have gone on amidst many obstacles, and very badly also), 
 our Lord has given me such experience as He has not given 
 to others during seven-and-thirty, or even seven-and-forty 
 years, though at the same time they had always walked along 
 the path of virtue and of penance. May He be blessed by all 
 men; and I beseech His Majesty, by what He is Himself, 
 that He may be served by me ; for my Lord knows well that 
 I wish for nothing else, but that He may be a little more 
 praised and exalted ; and seeing He desires to plant a garden 
 of sweet flowers on such a foul dunghill as I am, may IIis 
 Majesty grant I may not, through my own fault, pull them 
 up, and so become again what I was before ! I entreat your 
 Reverence, for the love of our Lord, to beg this favor of Him 
 for me, since you know what I am more clearly than I have 
 been permitted to express. 
 
 10 
 
110 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 SHE DECLARES IN WHAT THE FAULT CONSISTS OF NOT LOVING GOD 
 
 WITH PERFECTION IN A SHOUT TIME: THIS SHE BEGINS TO DECLARE 
 
 BY A COMPARISON, CONTAINING FOUR DEGREES OF PBAYER. 
 
 In speaking, then, of those who begin to be servants of 
 love (and it seems to me to be nothing else than to resolve 
 to follow Him, who has loved us so much), I find it to be so 
 great a dignity, that even the very thinking of it delights 
 me in a particular manner; for servile fear goes away imme¬ 
 diately, if we conduct ourselves as we ought in this first de¬ 
 gree of prayer. 0 Lord of my soul! and my eternal Good! 
 how is it that when a soul is determined to love Thee, and 
 to do what she can to leave all things, that so she may em¬ 
 ploy herself the better on this love of Thee—how is it Thou 
 art not pleased that she should immediately rejoice in having 
 attained this perfect love ? But no ; I ought to have said, 
 it is of ourselves that we have reason to complain, because 
 we do not desire it: all the fault is ours in not immediately 
 enjoying this love with perfection : true love of God brings 
 with it every blessing. But we are so fond of ourselves, 
 apd so slow in giving ourselves entirely to God, that as His 
 Majesty on the one hand will not allow us to enjoy so pre¬ 
 cious a treasure without paying a great price for it, so on the 
 other we must never omit disposing ourselves to receive it. 
 I see clearly, that there is nothing on this earth which can 
 purchase So great a treasure; but if we did what we could 
 to prevent ourselves from clinging to the things of this 
 world, and if all our care and conversation .were directed to 
 heaven, I am confident that very speedily this blessing would 
 be given to us, if we quickly and entirely were to dispose 
 ourselves to receive it, as some saints have done. But the 
 truth is, we think we give all to God, whereas we offer Him 
 only the rent, or fruits. Keeping in the meantime the roots, 
 and possession of the land ourselves, we resolve to be poor, 
 and this is great merit; but often do we employ all our care 
 and diligence in seeing that we want nothing, not only of 
 
 ' i 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 Ill 
 
 what is necessary, but of what is even superfluous; and we 
 are also careful to meet with friends who will procure these 
 things for us: and thus we expose ourselves to greater trou¬ 
 ble, and perhaps greater danger, than we were in before, 
 when we had possession of our own estates ; and all that 
 nothing may be wanting to us. It seems, also, that in be¬ 
 coming “ religious,” or when we begin to lead a spiritual 
 life, and to follow perfection, we cared not for the honor of 
 this world; and yet, as soon as ever our honor is in any 
 degree touched, we forget that we gave it all to God, and 
 we wish to snatch it from the hands of God (as they say), 
 and so run away with it, even after we had freely made Him 
 Lord of it, as we thought: and this is the case in all other 
 things. This is an odd way of seeking the love of God—to 
 desire to possess it entirely, and as it were in handfuls, and 
 yet still to retain our old affections, and not endeavor to ful¬ 
 fil our good desires, nor wish to raise them from the earth, 
 though we expect to enjoy many spiritual consolations at the 
 same time. But these two extremes cannot well agree, nor 
 is there, in my opinion, any relation between them; and 
 therefore, because we do not at once give ourselves up en¬ 
 tirely to God, this treasure is not entirely given to us. May 
 His Majesty, however, be pleased to bestow it upon us, were 
 it only drop by drop, and though it should cost us all pos¬ 
 sible labors. God grants a very great mercy to that person 
 whom he endows with grace and courage to resolve on pro¬ 
 curing, with all his strength, this blessing; because, if he 
 perseveres, our Lord-will not deny it to him ; and by degrees 
 He will be giving him courage to gain this victory. I men¬ 
 tion courage” as necessary, because in the beginning the 
 devil represents many difficulties, in order that we may not 
 commence the good path effectually, as one who knows the 
 injury he will receive, not only by losing that one soul, but 
 many others also. If he who has begun to serve God en¬ 
 deavors, by the Divine assistance, to arrive at the height of 
 perfection, I believe such an one will never go alone to 
 heaven, but he will bring many others with him; and God 
 will give these to him as to a valiant captain, that they may 
 march under his guidance. Hence, as the devil will put 
 many dangers and difficulties in the way, great courage is 
 
112 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 necessary, as well as very many graces from God, in order 
 not to turn back. 
 
 I will now speak of the manner in which those ought to 
 commence who are determined to go in search of this bless¬ 
 ing, and to succeed in this enterprise. I shall treat after¬ 
 wards on what 1 have already begun to speak about, viz., 
 “ Mystical theology” (as 1 think it is called). The greatest 
 trouble comes in the beginning, for those who give their 
 whole substance to the Lord are the persons w r ho suffer: but 
 in the other degrees of prayer there is more enjoyment, 
 though all three have their crosses in different ways. All 
 those, however, who wish to follow' Christ must walk along 
 the way He went, unless they W'ish to be lost: and happy 
 trials these are which even in this life are so superabundantly 
 repaid! I will now r make use of some comparisons, which 
 yet I would be glad not to mention, because I am a woman ; 
 and I would wish also to relate simply what my superiors 
 command me : but this language of the soul is so difficult to 
 be expressed by ignorant persons like myself, that I must 
 discover some method of explaining it. It may happen, that 
 seldom I shall have the good fortune to give a proper com¬ 
 parison ; and in this case your Reverence will be amused at 
 seeing my stupidity. 
 
 It seems to me, that I have either read or heard the fol¬ 
 lowing comparison (though, as I have such a bad memory, I 
 know not where or how I first met with it, but it will serve 
 my purpose for the present). He then who commences 
 (prayer) should imagine that lie is beginning to make a gar¬ 
 den, for the delight of his Lord, in some very unfruitful soil, 
 full of w T eeds. His Majesty must be asked to pull up the bad 
 plants, and put good ones in their place. But we will sup¬ 
 pose this is already done, when a soul has not only deter¬ 
 mined, but is resolved to make use of mental prayer. And 
 now, by God’s help, we must endeavor, like good gardeners, 
 to make these plants grow ; and we should take care to 
 water them, that so they may not wither, but bring forth 
 flowers of such sweet fragrance as may please our Lord ; 
 and then he may take pleasure in often coming into this 
 garden, and delighting Himself with our virtues. Let us 
 see then in what way these flowers may be watered, that so 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 113 
 
 we may understand what we have to do, and what trouble it 
 will cost us; whether it will be greater than the gain, and 
 how long it will last. It seems to me, that these plants may 
 be watered in four different ways :— 1 . By drawing water 
 out of a well ; and this cannot be done without much labor. 
 2 . By using a wheel with buckets attached to it j and this 
 can easily be turned by the hand : sometimes I have in this 
 way drawn water myself, and I found it was less troublesome, 
 and drew more than by the former method. 3 . By letting 
 some small stream run into the garden j and by this means 
 it will be watered much better than by the preceding method, 
 and the earth will have more moisture, and there will be no 
 necessity to water the ground so often; the labor of the 
 gardener also will be much less. 4 . By a good shower of 
 rain falling; for then our Lord himself waters the garden, 
 without any labor on our part; and this is without compari¬ 
 son by far the best method of all I have mentioned. And 
 now let us apply these four ways of watering, whereby this 
 garden is to be kept in good order (because without water a 
 garden will perish). This comparison, which suits my pur¬ 
 pose, may serve to explain in some measure the four degrees 
 of prayer, to which our Lord in His goodness has sometimes 
 raised my soul. And may it please His Majesty, that I may 
 speak correctly and in such a way as to profit one of those 
 persons who have commanded me to write this account, and 
 whom our Lord has advanced further in four months, than 
 I was ever able to advance in seventeen years. But he dis¬ 
 posed himself better than I did; and hence his garden was 
 Watered in these four ways, without any trouble on his part, 
 though the last of these was given to him only by drops ; 
 but he advances so rapidly, that, by the assistance of our 
 Lord, he will very soon be engulfed in it: and I should be 
 glad were he to laugh at me, in case he finds my method of 
 expressing these things to be very foolish. We may say 
 that those who begin to use mental prayer are the persons 
 who draw the water out of the wellj and that this work is 
 very troublesome, as I have mentioned above. They grow 
 weary in re-collecting their senses, which, as they were ac¬ 
 customed to wander about, are difficult to keep in order. 
 These persons, therefore, should accustom themselves, not to 
 10 * 
 
114 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 bear or to see anything which may distract them: they 
 should observe their hours of prayer, love solitude, and con¬ 
 sider alone by themselves their past life. And though the 
 perfect and the imperfect ought often to dwell on these 
 thoughts, yet, as I shall afterwards show, some require more, 
 and others less time. At first they will feel some uneasiness, 
 because they are not fully satisfied whether they have re¬ 
 pented of their sins; and yet they do repent, because they 
 are so determined to serve God in good earnest. They should 
 endeavor also to meditate on the life of Christ, though the 
 understanding may grow weary of this practice. At this 
 point we may be able to arrive ourselves—I mean, together 
 with the divine assistance ; for, without this, we know we 
 cannot have even a good thought. This is beginning to 
 draw water out of the well, and God grant there may be 
 some; at least, the fault will not be ours if there be none, 
 provided we endeavor to draw it, and do all in our power to 
 water those flowers. And God is so good, that when, for 
 reasons best known to His Majesty (perhaps for our greater 
 profit), He wishes this well to become dry, He still supports 
 the flowers without water, provided we do our part like good 
 gardeners, and He causes virtues to spring up. By water I 
 mean u tearsand if there be none, tenderness, and an in¬ 
 ward feeling of devotion. 
 
 But what will he do who experiences nothing for a long 
 time but dryness, disgust, and insipidity, and so little incli-\ 
 nation to go and draw any more water ? If he did not re¬ 
 member that he pleases the Lord of the garden, and does a 
 service to Him; and if he were not careful not to lose the 
 merit of all his service, and the hope also of gaining more 
 by the great labor of often easting the bucket into the well, 
 and of bringing it up without any water, then he would be 
 inclined to give up everything. Oftentimes it will happen 
 that he will not be able to move his arms, nor to have even 
 a good thought: this working with the understanding, it is 
 understood, means “ drawing water from the well.” But 
 now, as I was saying, what is the gardener to do in this case ? 
 He should rejoice and console himself, and esteem it a very 
 great favor to work in the garden of so great a prince. And 
 since He knows that thereby he gives Him pleasure (for his 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 116 
 
 object should be, not to please himself, but God), let him 
 praise our Lord, who treats with him so confidently, because 
 He sees him so careful to do what He commands him, with¬ 
 out receiving any recompense; and let him assist our Lord 
 m carrying His cross, and remember that He lived all His 
 life upon it. He should not desire to have his kingdom here 
 in this world, nor ever once give up his prayer : but rather 
 let him resolve, though this dryness should last all his life, 
 never to allow Christ to fall with His cross. The time will 
 come when he will be repaid altogether; he need not fear 
 lest his labor should be lost, for he serves a good Master, 
 who beholds all that he does. He should not make any ac¬ 
 count of bad thoughts, but consider how the devil repre¬ 
 sented them to St. Jerome in the desert. These labors have 
 their value; and I assert, as one who has endured them for 
 many years, that when I drew only a drop of water fr< m 
 this blessed well, X thought that God conferred a favor upon 
 me. I know these troubles are very great ; and it seems to 
 me, more courage is necessary to support them than many 
 other tioubles in the world : but I have clearly seen, that 
 even in this life, God does not leave such souls without be¬ 
 stowing pn them great rewards; for it is most certain, 
 that v hen I have passed one hour only in the enjoyment of 
 our Lord here below, I have afterwards esteemed all my 
 afflictions well rewarded, which I endured all the time I 
 made use _ of prayer. I believe that our Lord is desirous 
 often to give, in the beginning, these afflictions, and many 
 other such temptations which occur, in order to try His 
 lovers, and to discover if they can drink His chalice, and 
 help Him to carry His cross, before He will commit such 
 valuable treasures to them. And I think that, for our 
 greater good, His Majesty wisLes to carry us along this way, 
 that so we may understand how little we are worth; because 
 the favors he afterwards bestows are so excellent, that He 
 wishes we should first know our misery by experience before 
 He bestows them, lest what happened to Lucifer might be¬ 
 fall us. 
 
 But what, oh my Lord ! art Thou doing? Would it not 
 be better, for the good of that soul which Thou knowest is 
 already thine, and which puts herself into Thy hands, to 
 
116 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 follow Thee wheresoever Thou goest, were it even to the 
 death of the cross, and to resolve to help Thee to carry it, 
 and never to leave Thee alone with it ? They who see them¬ 
 selves possessed with such resolutions need not fear; for 
 spiritual persons, who are raised to such a high degree of 
 perfection as to despise all the pleasures of the world, and to 
 wish to be alone with God, have no reason to be afflicted. 
 The rest is already accomplished ; praise llis Majesty for it, 
 and confide in His goodness, for He never was wanting to 
 His friends. Consider not why He gives to one sensible 
 devotion in a few days, and does not grant it to another 
 for many years. Let us believe that all this is done for our 
 greater good ; and let His Majesty guide us where He pleases, 
 for now we are no longer our own, but His. Great is the 
 favor He bestows upon us in permitting us to dig in His 
 garden, and in allowing us to be so near the Lord thereof; 
 for it is certain that He is with us, whether He be pleased 
 that these plants and flowers grow or not grow, by giving 
 water to some and none to others, what does that matter ? 
 Do, 0 Lord, as thou pleasest, only let me not offend Thee, 
 nor let my virtue. 1 ? be lost if Thou hast given me any. I 
 wish to suffer, 0 Lord, since Thou didst suffer. May Thy 
 will be accomplished in me in every way, and Thy Majesty 
 be pleased that a treasure of such high value as Thy love, 
 may never be given to those who only wish to serve Thee for 
 the pleasures thereof. 
 
 It is necessary to remark (and I speak of this fact, because 
 I know the truth of it by experience), that a soul which 
 begins to walk in this way of mental prayer, with a firm de¬ 
 termination not to make much account whether she receive 
 many consolations or none at all,—because our Lord gives 
 these consolations and tenderness of devotion, or He does 
 not,—such a soul has already passed over the greater part 
 of the road, and she need have no fear of going back again, 
 whatever obstacles she may meet with, for the building is 
 placed on a solid foundation. Hence the love of God 
 consists, not.in having the gift of tears, nor in receiving con¬ 
 solations and tenderness of devotion (which we may, however, 
 desire and take comfort in); but in serving Him with justice,* 
 fortitude, and humility ; otherwise, it seems to me, we should 
 
life of st. teresa. 
 
 117 
 
 be receiving everything, and giving nothing ourselves. And 
 as for weak, insignificant, and cowardly women like myself 
 inethinks it good and proper our Lord should lead us on with 
 consolations, such as I now receive from Him,—in order 
 that we may the better endure those afflictions which His 
 Majesty is pleased to send us. But as regards true 
 servants of God, men of solid virtue, learned, and sen¬ 
 sible, that such should be disturbed at not receiving 
 trcrm God tenderness of devotion, gives me sorrow. They 
 -should certainly receive these delights when God grants 
 them, and esteem them very highly, because then His 
 Majesty sees they are good for them ; but when they 
 have them not, they should not be troubled, knowing 
 that as His Majesty does not give them, they are not 
 necessary for them; they should be masters of themselves 
 m everything; and believe this is a defect, for I have tried 
 and seen it myself, and an imperfection, not to walk on 
 
 difficult' rt ^ anC * to cowardly in attacking 
 
 I say not this so much for those who are beginners (though I 
 place much stress on it, because it is very important they should 
 begin with this liberty and determination), but for others also • 
 tor there are many who have begun, and yet do not advance • 
 and. 1 think it is, in a great measure, owing to their not 
 havmg embraced the cross from the beginning. Such persons 
 will fall into affliction, thinking that they do nothing • and 
 because the understanding does not work, they are in trouble 
 though, perhaps, then it is that the will is nourished and 
 strengthened without their perceiving it. We should re¬ 
 collect that our Lord does not look at these things, for 
 though they may seem to us to be faults, yet they are not so 
 m reality. His Majesty already knows our misery and base 
 nature, much better than we do ourselves, and how these 
 souls.desire always to be thinking of Him and loving Him. 
 I his is that “ determination.” which He desires from us ; but 
 the other is an affliction which we bring on ourselves, for it 
 serves only to disturb the soul; and if before she were unable 
 to advance during one hour, now she will not perhaps advance 
 m four hours. And many times (for I have great experience 
 m this matter, and know it to be true, because I have care- 
 
118 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 fully considered the subject, and spoken about it afterwards 
 with spiritual persons)—this arises fromcorporal indisposition; 
 for as we are so miserable, this poor confined soul of ours 
 participates in the miseries of the body. Even the change 
 of the weather and seasons, and our own humors are often 
 the cause, why (without any fault of ours) we cannot do as 
 we wish, and hence we suffer in every way. And when we try 
 to force ourselves at this particular time, the evil becomes 
 worse and lasts the longer. Judgment is necessary in order 
 to know when the evil proceeds from this cause, and the poor • 
 soul must not be oppressed; we should also he aware that 
 we are sick, and the hour of prayer should be changed, and 
 this very often for several days. This banishment we must 
 endure as well as we can, for it is misery enough for a soul 
 which loves God to see that she lives in this misery, and that 
 she is unable to do what she desires on account of the in¬ 
 firmities of the body in which she lodges. I said this is to 
 be done with discretion, because sometimes the devil will be 
 the cause of these things, and therefore it is good not always 
 to omit the usual time of prayer whenever there may be 
 great disturbance and distraction in the understanding, nor 
 yet always to be tormenting the soul to make her do what 
 she is not able. There are also other exterior works of 
 charity which may be used ; and though sometimes the soul 
 may not be able to attend to these, yet she must accommodate 
 herself, for the love of God, to the weakness of the body 
 (because at other times the body serves the soul); and she 
 may use as recreations holy conversations, or walk out into 
 the fields, just as her confessor shall advise. Experience is 
 an excellent schoolmaster in everything, for it makes one 
 understand what suits us ; and in all things God is served, 
 for His yoke is sweet. It is very important the soul should 
 not be dragged along the ground, as it were, but that she should 
 be led along with mildness and sweetness, that so she may ad¬ 
 vance the more. Hence I again advise every one (and though I 
 repeat this advice often, it will do no harm, for it is very 
 important)—not to be depressed or afflicted either on account 
 of drynesses or troubles, or distracting thoughts. If we wish 
 to obtain liberty of spirit, we should not be always going 
 about in trouble; but we should begin at once not to be 
 
119 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 frightened at the cross, and then we shall see how our Lord 
 will help us to bear it, with what pleasure we shall proceed, 
 and what profit we shall derive from everything. We already 
 see that if there be no water in the well, we cannot of our¬ 
 selves put any into it. The truth is, we must not be neg- 
 hgent ,n drawing the water when there is any in, because by 
 this means our Lord wishes to multiply our virtues ^ 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 the saint continues her discourse on the first degree of 
 
 PRAYER. 
 
 That which I intended to be understood in the last chap¬ 
 ter (though yet I spoke at some length on other points, 
 because I considered it necessary to do so) was, how much 
 we could acquire ourselves, and how in this first part of our 
 devotmn we may in some degree help ourselves; because by 
 thinking and pondering on what our Lord suffered for us 
 we are moved to compassion, and the sorrow and tears which 
 spring therefrom are very sweet. To think also of the 
 eternal glory we hope for, and of the love our Lord bore us, 
 and of Ills resurrection,-this excites joy within us, which 
 is neither wholly spiritual nor sensual, but it is a virtuous 
 kind ot joy, and our sorrow is very meritorious. Of this 
 nature are all those things which cause devotion, acquired 
 in part by the understanding, though there be no merit or 
 gain therein unless God give it. But it will be very proper 
 for a soul which God has not raised to this state, not to 
 endeavor to aspire any higher; and let this point Le well 
 remembered, for otherwise it may cause her ruin. In this 
 degree she may perform several good actions, by resolving to 
 do many things for God, and by awakening her love of Him 
 and other such actions, which help her to increase in virtue! 
 according to the rules given in a book called, “ The Art of 
 serving God: _ this is a very good book, and very proper for 
 those who are in this state, because the understanding acts, 
 bhe may also represent herself as in the presence of Christ 
 and to accustom herself to be greatly enamored with His’ 
 
120 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 sacred Humanity, and to be always carrying Him along with 
 •her, and speaking to Him : she may likewise beg His assist¬ 
 ance in her necessities, and even complain to Him of her 
 afflictions, and rejoice with Him in her consolations, but yet 
 so as not to forget Him on their account. All this may be 
 done without making use of any set form of prayer, but only 
 words conformable with her desires and necessities. This is 
 an excellent way of advancing in a very short time ; and 
 whoever will endeavor to keep himself in this holy company, 
 and to make a good use of it, and also to conceive a true 
 love for our Lord, to whom we owe so much, such a one I 
 consider as having already advanced. For this purpose, we 
 must not in any w f ay be troubled that we have no sensible 
 devotion, as I have mentioned already, but rather we 
 should give thanks to our Lord for making us desirous, 
 of pleasing Him, however weak our works may be. This 
 method of carrying Christ with us in all the four degrees is 
 very useful: it is a most secure means of advancing in the 
 first degree, and of quickly arriving at the second degree of 
 prayer ; and of being free, in the two last, from those dangers 
 which the devil may place in our way. 
 
 I have now mentioned what we can do: if any one should 
 desire to pass from this state, and should raise his mind to 
 the hope of feeling certain consolations which God does not 
 grant him, this, in my opinion, 'would be to lose both the one 
 and the other; for 4 s these consolations are supernatural, 
 when the understanding is lost, the soul then remains desolate 
 and in great dryness. And since the whole building is 
 grounded on humility, the nearer w r e approach to God, the 
 more shall we advance in this virtue; and if we do not, all 
 is lost. It seems to me a kind of pride when we desire to 
 advance higher, .since God bestows too much honor upon us 
 (considering who we are)—to allow us to be so near Him. 
 
 But it must not be understood as if I spoke against raising 
 up our thoughts to the consideration of heavenly things, or 
 of God and His wisdom, and the wonders which are above. 
 And though 1 never did this myself, for (as I have said) I 
 have no ability for it; and I knew I was so wicked, that 
 God conferred a favor on me in enabling me to think even of 
 earthly things, that so I might understand this truth (and 
 
LIFE of ST. TERESA. 
 
 lAx 
 
 may profit thereby, especially tfthfv haw’ ?* her . per “ n J s 
 aeoomSd W with 'hun^t^f tr ’ the' excise TT’* 
 
 Kks fr»ss £~ 
 
 have made very great progress • and thi- t^y 
 
 higher'L 1 ,, Gid ^hesTrA^T^ "*?*, ° MSel ™ 
 
 yaking, he who has not experience 
 
 how to express it. In «n^hT 0 W 
 
 ^33SL=?4P= 
 
 ■sume or even to think of suspending it ourselveVtfi ?r -" 
 what I am saying we must not P do; neither must wCf ! i 
 working therewith, because we should then Lconm l? 
 stupid, and not obtain what we desire • h t 1 t 'J 
 
 itsdf and SUSr T 1? i n 6 SUpplies i4 v ’ ith “ a « “ CoccupJ 
 itself, and ravish it with astonishment ± 0CCU Py 
 
 r°« OS]! .‘ h “ Unlte “ -ore during’ttAorilpS 
 
 possible study, tring* ZyTe^ButTT"’ ^ f 
 
 wswiss* h'r£hFF$ 
 
 person is about to take a leap.Cnd bfeld back bv CC & 
 
 himTlf S t0 M aVe em ^ ed aI1 his strength, and tet finds 
 
 mself unable to accomplish what he had desired to do 
 And so, whoever will consider the matter will find L +p * 
 slender gain be has made, some little wantCf humil^,‘of 
 
 11 
 
 * On this subject see the Preface. 
 
122 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 which I was speaking, because this virtue has the excellent 
 property, viz., that there is no action, if it be accompanied 
 with humility, which will ever leave the soul in disgust. I 
 think what 1 have said has been understood, though perhaps 
 only by myself: may our Lord open the eyes of those who 
 read it; for however small may be their experience, they 
 will soon understand what I have been speaking about. 
 
 For several years I continued to read many things, and 
 yet I understood none of them; and there was also a long 
 time during which, though God gave me ability to under¬ 
 stand, I was not able to express myself so as to be understood ; 
 and this cost me no little labor: but when His Majesty 
 wishes, lie teaches us everything in a moment, and this, too, 
 in such a way as perfectly to astonish me. One thing I can 
 say with truth, that though I spoke with many spiritual per¬ 
 sons, who wished to make me understand what our Lord im¬ 
 parted to me, in order that I might be able to declare it to 
 others; yet it is certain my dulness was so great, that their 
 discourse was no use to me. And perhaps our Lord, as 1 is 
 Majesty was always my master (and may He be blessed loi- 
 ever, since it is confusion enough to be able to say this with 
 truth), was pleased I should have no one to thank but Him¬ 
 self; and without my desiring or wishing it (for in this point 
 I was in no way curious, because it might have been a virtue 
 to be so ; but I was curious in other vanities), He gave me 
 to understand it in a moment, that so I might be able to de¬ 
 clare it to others; and this, too, in such a manner, that men 
 were amazed thereat; and I myself was more than liiycon- 
 fessors, because I knew my dulness better than they did. it 
 is not long since this ln.ppened; and so I do not endeavor to 
 know those things which our Lord has not taught me, only 
 so far as they relate to my conscience. 
 
 I again repeat, that it is very important nqt to elevate our 
 spirit, unless our Lord please to do it, and this is very soon 
 understood. For women, especially, it is more dangerous, 
 as the devil may bring some illusion upon them. But still 1 
 consider it certain, our Lord will not permit the devil to do 
 him any harm who shall endeavor to approach His Majesty 
 with humility ; rather will he derive more profit and advan¬ 
 tage from that very thing, by means of which the devil 
 
I 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 123 
 
 thought of ruining him. I have thus entered into some long 
 details, because the road of beginners is more beaten, and 
 because the admonitions I have given are very important. I 
 acknowledge, however, that others have written better than 
 myself on the subject; and it is with great shame and con¬ 
 fusion I have written, though not with so much as I ought 
 to have. May our Lord he praised by all men, since He 
 permits so miserable a creature as I am to speak of things 
 relating to Him, and these so high. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 SHE CONTINUES THE FIRST DEGREE OF PRAYER, ANB> GIVES ADVICE 
 AGAINST CERTAIN TEMPTATIONS, WHICH ARE SOMETIMES BROUGHT 
 ON BY THE DEVIL. 
 
 I think it proper to speak on certain temptations, which 
 I have noticed occur in the beginning, and which I have also 
 experienced myself: I will give some advice respecting them, 
 which I consider necessary. A beginner, then, should en¬ 
 deavor to go on with cheerfulness and liberty, for some per¬ 
 sons seem to think their devotion will vanish, if they should 
 take any little recreation. It is certainly proper to have a 
 fear of one’s self, that so we may entirely distrust ourselves 
 in not putting ourselves in the occasions in which we are 
 accustomed to offend God; and this distrust will be very 
 necessary until we become perfectly confirmed in virtue. 
 Few there are who are so confirmed, that they can safely 
 trust themselves in occasions which are conformable to their 
 natural inclinations ; indeed, as long as we live in this world, 
 it is well to know our miserable nature, were it only for the 
 sake of humility. But there are many occasions when it is 
 allowed (as I have mentioned) to take recreation, in order 
 that we may return to prayer with greater strength ; but in 
 all things discretion is necessary, and likewise great confi¬ 
 dence in God ; for it is not proper to be diminishing our de¬ 
 sires, but we must trust in Him. And if we use our utmost 
 exertions, we may by little and little, though not immediately, 
 arrive at the same perfection the saints did, by the Divine 
 
124 
 
 LIFE OF ST . TERESA. 
 
 assistance. And if these had never resolved to aspire 
 thereto, and had not endeavored by degrees to execute their 
 resolves, they would never have reached so high a state. 
 His Majesty loves, and is a friend of courageous souls, pro¬ 
 vided they proceed with humility, and have no confidence in 
 themselves. I have not seeu any one of such souls remain 
 behind on the road; aud, on the other hand, I have never 
 seen any cowardly soul (though provided with the safeguard 
 of humility)—who has advanced as much in many years, as 
 those others have in a very few years I am amazed when 
 I consider how much is done in this way, by animating our¬ 
 selves to do great things; and though the soul may not have 
 sufficient strength to perform them immediately, yet she 
 takes a flight, and mounts high, though, like a bird not yet 
 well feathered, she grows tired and reposes herself. 
 
 Formerly I often considered what St. Paul says : “ I can 
 do all things in Him who strengthens me.” As for myself, 
 I knew well I could do nothing. I also gained great profit 
 from the words of St. Augustine : u Give what Thou com- 
 mandest, and command what Thou wilt.” I often thought 
 that St. Peter lost nothing by throwing himself into the sea, 
 though afterwards he was afraid. These first resolutions are 
 of great importance, though in this first degree it is neces¬ 
 sary that we should proceed with discretion, and do nothing 
 without the advice of a director. But we must take care 
 that He be one who will not teach us to go along like toads, 
 nor to hunt after lizards; humility must ever precede, that 
 so we may understand this strength does not come from our¬ 
 selves. But we should first understand what kind of 
 humility this must be; for I think the devil does those who 
 practice prayer much harm, and prevents them from advanc¬ 
 ing, by causing them not to understand what humility pro¬ 
 perly is; and by endeavoring to make them think it is a 
 species of pride to have heroic desires, and to wish for mar¬ 
 tyrdom, and to be anxious to imitate the saints. He imme¬ 
 diately tells us, or makes us suppose, that the actions of the 
 saints are only to be admired, not imitated, by us sinners. 
 This I say likewise ; only we must consider what in par¬ 
 ticular is to be admired, and what imitated. It would not 
 be proper for a weak and sickly person to fast much, or use 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 125 
 
 severe penances, or go into a desert where he could neither 
 sleep, nor get anything to eat, and so on. But we should 
 be convinced, that we may, by the Divine assistance, strive 
 to have a great contempt for the world 5 not to esteem 
 honois, nor to be attached to riches. Our hearts are, how¬ 
 ever, so very narrow, that if we neglect a little the concerns 
 of the body, in order to give more attention to the soul, it 
 seems to us as if we should have no ground to stand upon. 
 It seems a help to recollection not to be in want of necessary 
 things ; for cares of any land interrupt prayer. I am grieved 
 that we should have so little confidence in God, and so much 
 self love as to be disturbed by any care. But the truth is, 
 that when a soul has made but little progress, trifles will 
 give as gi eat trouble to some persons as matters of great 
 importance, do to others; and yet in our own minds we pre¬ 
 sume to think ourselves spiritual men. This way of acting 
 seems, to me to imply a desire of satisfying our soul and 
 body m such a way as to take our ease in this world, and to 
 hope to enjoy God in the next. And this will be the case, 
 if we walk m justice and adhere to virtue ; still it is but the 
 pace of a hen, and never will it enable us to enjoy true 
 liberty of spirit. This seems a good method of proceeding 
 for those who are married, and who must act in conformity 
 with their vocation; but for any other state to advance in 
 that way, I on no account desire ; nor will people ever make 
 me believe it is a good way, for I have tried it myself, and 
 1 should always have continued in that road, if our Lord in 
 His goodness had not taught me another shorter way. 
 
 It is true, I always had great desires, and I endeavored 
 (as I have said) to practice prayer, though at the same time 
 1 wished to live at my ease. But I believe that if I could 
 have found any one to encourage me to fly higher, I should 
 have endeavored to execute those desires. But, through 
 oui sins, few there are who have over-much discretion for 
 such cases; and this I think is one great reason why begin¬ 
 ners do not advance more quickly on towards perfection. Our 
 Lord never fails on His part: it is we ourselves who are 
 faulty and miserable. 
 
 Persons, may also imitate saints, in loving solitude and 
 keeping silence, and practicing many other virtues that will 
 
126 LIFE OF'ST. TERESA. 
 
 not destroy these our miserable bodies, which with so much 
 care we desire to preserve, even at the risk of injuring the 
 soul. The devil, too, helps us a great deal to make us un¬ 
 able to do these things ; for when he sees we have some little 
 fear, he desires no more than to persuade us that everything 
 will be apt to kill us, or at least to deprive us of our health ; 
 and if we should have the gift of tears, he will try to make 
 us fear we shall lose our sight. I have passed through these 
 temptations, and therefore know them ; and I know also, 
 that we cannot desire a better kind of life or health than to 
 lose them both in such a cause. Being so infirm myself, I 
 was always tied up, and unable to do anything, till I resolved 
 to make no account at all of my health, or to care for my 
 body : even now I can do but little. But as soon as our 
 Lord was pleased I should discover this trick of the devil, I 
 told him, whenever he represented to me the danger of losing 
 my health, that “ my death would be of little consequencej” 
 if he represented to me the necessity of rest, I told him 
 “ thas it was not ease which I now wanted, but the cross 
 and so I acted in other cases. Though I am certainly very 
 infirm, yet I saw clearly that in many things it was either a 
 temptation of the devil, or my own laziness. But as I am 
 not so nice and delicate as formerly, I now enjoy much bet¬ 
 ter health. It is therefore of great importance, that those 
 who begin to practice mental prayer be not disturbed or ter¬ 
 rified by their thoughts: let them believe me in this point, 
 for I have some experience therein; and perhaps it may be 
 of some use to mention these my faults, that so others may 
 take warning by me. 
 
 There is another very common temptation, which is this: 
 to desire that all may become very spiritual, as soon as we 
 ourselves begin to taste the calm and advantages which come 
 from prayer. To desire this object is not bad; but to en¬ 
 deavor to effect it might prove hurtful, unless great discre¬ 
 tion be used, and also some dissimulation, in such a way as 
 not to let it appear that we are teaching. Whoever wishes 
 to do some good in this respect, must have some very solid 
 virtues, so as not to give any temptation to others. This 
 happened to me, and therefore I understand it; for when 
 <as I have mentioned) I was endeavoring to make others 
 
llFE OF ST. TERESA. 12T 
 
 practice prayer, and when, on the one hand, they heard me 
 speak on sublime subjects, and of the great benefits which 
 come from prayer—and when, on the other hand, they per¬ 
 ceived how few virtues I possessed, I led them into tempta¬ 
 tion and disorder. I could not be surprised at this, and 
 they themselves told me as much afterwards, for they knew 
 not how these two could be reconciled with each other: and 
 it caused them not to think that to be evil which indeed was 
 so, because they saw me do it sometimes, when they had a 
 good opinion of me. And this the devil effects, who it seems 
 takes advantage of the virtues we possess, in order to 
 authorize, as far as possible, the evil which he strives to ac¬ 
 complish. And however little that may be, when it is com¬ 
 mitted in a community, it gains much thereby; and how 
 much more when the evil which I did was very great! And 
 thus in many years, there were only three persons who pro¬ 
 fited by what I said to them. And when afterwards our 
 .Loid had bestowed upon me more solid virtue, many profited 
 by me in two or three years, as I shall afterwards mention. 
 But besides this, there is another great inconvenience, viz., 
 when the soul makes no progress; because the chief thing 
 we ought to mind at first, is to take care of our soul alone, 
 and to consider as if there were no one in the w r orld besides 
 God and herself: this is a very important point. 
 
 There is also another temptation (and all such temptations 
 come with a zeal for virtue, and it is necessary to understand 
 them, and to use caution), arising from the trouble which 
 men feel for the sins and defects that they observe in others. 
 The devil endeavors to persuade us, that this grief is 
 entertained by us only because we desire they should not 
 offend God, and that we are troubled because His honor is 
 insulted. Then we immediately desire to remedy this evil, 
 and we thus become so restless that it hinders prayer; but 
 the greatest misfortune is, that we think this to be virtue, 
 perfection, and great zeal for God’s glory. I speak not of 
 that affliction which public sins cause, when a community is 
 in the habit of committing them, nor of other calamities of 
 the Church, such as heresies, whereby we see so many souls 
 are lost; for this is a very good affliction, and, being good, 
 it does not disturb the soul. But the secure way for a soul 
 
128 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 which desires to practice prayer, will be to forget all persons 
 and all things, to keep an account with herself, and to please 
 God. It is very proper to do this; for if I should relate ail 
 the errors I have seen committed on account of the con¬ 
 fidence men have put in their good intentions, I should never 
 make an end Let us, then, always endeavor to consider the 
 virtues and good qualities which we perceive in others, and 
 to conceal their defects by the consideration of our own great 
 sins. I his is a kind ot work, which, though we cannot 
 perforin with perfection in a short time, yet we may gain 
 great virtue thereby; and this consists in esteeming all others 
 better than ourselves. I his we begin to acquire by the grace 
 of God, of which we have need in everything; and when 
 this is wanting, all our endeavors are useless: we must 
 therefore pray for this virtue, and if we use all diligence, 
 God will not be wanting to any one. Let those, also, who 
 discourse much with the understanding, consider well this 
 advice, for they are able to draw many thoughts and ideas 
 from one subject. But as for those who are unable, like 
 myself, to work with this faculty, there is no necessity to 
 give them advice, but only to have patience till our Lord 
 gives them matter, by which they may occupy themselves, 
 
 . and light also; since they can do so little by themselves, 
 that their understanding hinders more than it helps them. . 
 
 But to return to those who discourse with the understand¬ 
 ing: these I would advise not to spend all their time in this 
 exercise; for though it be very meritorious, yet as prayer is 
 so sweet, they think there will be no Sunday, nor any season 
 wherein they will not be obliged to labor, and therefore they 
 immediately suppose all that time is lost; whereas I think 
 that loss is great gain. But let them (as I have said) 
 represent.themselves to be in the presence of Christ; and, 
 without tiring the understanding, let them speak and regale 
 themselves with Him, and not be fatiguing themselves in 
 composing discourses, but only present their necessities, and 
 acknowledge themselves unworthy to be allowed to appear in 
 His presence. Some of these considerations may be used at one 
 time, and some at another, that so the soul may not grow 
 tired of always feeding on the same food : they are also very 
 sweet and very profitable*, if once we accustom ourselves to 
 
LtPfi OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 129 
 
 feed on them, for they bring with them great support for 
 giving life to the soul, as well as much profit. 
 
 But I will explain my meaning a little more, because these 
 po uts connected with prayer are all difficult; and if we have 
 not a director, they are very hard to understand. And this 
 is the reason why, though I wish to be short (for it would be 
 sufficient merely to touch upon them, on account of the 
 abilities of him who commanded me to write these particulars 
 on prayer), yetmydulness is not able to declare, nor explain 
 
 well V'T'k 3 ’ * sub J ec ‘ whlch 14 so important to explain 
 ' : And because I suffered so much myself, I have com- 
 
 passion on those who begin to practice prayer by using only 
 
 draw L f °M here T° nderful difference between what we 
 draw from them and what we learn afterwards by experience. 
 
 But to return now to what I was saying. Leins begin by 
 considering some part of our Saviour’s passion; af, for 
 example, His being bound to the pillar. Here let the under¬ 
 standing search out the causes which produced those immense 
 sorrows and pams which His Majesty endured in that afflic¬ 
 tion, and so on with regard to other points; and if the 
 understanding know how to meditate, or the person be 
 
 ThiAis a 6 'iT 7 ) T “' any - less ° ns from sueh » subject. 
 This is a method of prayer in which every one may both 
 
 begm, and proceed, and make an end : and it will be a very 
 
 excellent and secure way, till our Lord shall be pleased to 
 
 raise them to other supernatural things. I say « every one ” 
 
 though there may be many souls who will gain more profit by 
 
 other mediations, than from the Sacred Passion ■ for as there 
 
 are many mansions in heaven so also there a/e many wa^ 
 
 Ithis b Some persons profit by meditating on hell, and 
 others by considering the joys of heaven, and others by 
 thinking on death; and others again, if they be tender¬ 
 hearted, grieve too much, and disturb their mind, if they are 
 always meditating on the Passion; while they are more ron- 
 
 ness d of n r d™ fit n° re ’ by considerin S the Power and great- 
 ness °f God m His creatures, and the love He bears us 
 
 wat° h of S ma, " f ?r ted U ! Us “ ever .V‘liiiig- This is an admirable 
 way of proceeding, though at the same time we must not 
 
 forget frequently to meditate on the life and Passion of Christ, 
 
130 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 this being the source whence all our good is to come, and 
 does still come. 
 
 A beginner should consider what he gains most by ; and 
 for this purpose it is very necessary to have a director, if he 
 can meet with an experienced man : if lie be not experienced 
 he may commit many errors, and guide a soul without under¬ 
 standing her, or allowing her to understand herself; for as 
 the beginner knows how very meritorious it is to subject one’s 
 self to a director, so he will not dare to depart from what he 
 shall command. I have met with some persons who were 
 afflicted and placed in difficulties, because he who was their 
 guide and instructor had no experience, and I was very sorry 
 for them : others also I have seen who knew not what to do 
 with themselves ; for, not understanding spiritual matters, 
 they afflict themselves both in body and soul, and prevent 
 any advancement in prayer. A person once told me she had 
 a director, who for eight years would not allow her to pass 
 from the consideration of herself, and yet our Lord had 
 already raised her to the prayer of Quiet, and thus she had 
 great trouble. And though this consideration of one’s self 
 ought never to be omittted, nor should any soul given to 
 prayer think herself so strong, as not often to stand in need 
 of becoming a child. This must never be forgotten, and 
 perhaps I shall speak more about it, because it is very im¬ 
 portant, and also because there is no degree of prayer so 
 high in which it will not be necessary to return again to the first 
 principles. And this knowledge of ourselves and of our 
 sins, is the bread with which all our meals ought to be eaten 
 in this road of prayer : for, however sumptuous these meals 
 may be, they cannot nourish us without we have this bread. 
 This, however, must be taken as it -were by weight and 
 measure ; for when a soul sees herself already humbled, and 
 is deeply persuaded she is good for nothing, and blushes to 
 behold herself in the presence of so great a King, and sees 
 how little she repays Him for all she is indebted to Him, 
 what necessity is there to spend so much time upon this point, 
 without applying ourselves to other subjects which our Lord 
 may place before us, and which it would not be proper for us 
 to omit ? Our Lord knows better than we do what is proper 
 for us to feed on. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 131 
 
 Hence it is very important for the director to be skilful 
 (1 mean of good understanding) and also experienced: and 
 it he be learned, in addition to this, it will be a very great 
 a vantage. Should, however, these three conditions not be 
 found united together, the two first will prove more useful 
 and important than the third, because we may easily consult 
 learned men whenever we have occasion. But learned 
 directors, if they be not experienced in prayer, can be of 
 little use to beginners; yet, I do not say we should not 
 confer with such men, for I myself would prefer to consult a 
 learned confessor who did not practice prayer, than a man of 
 prayer who was not learned, for the latter could not guide 
 me in the truth. Learning is very necessary, since it instructs 
 us who know but little, and gives us light; and when we 
 come near the truths of Holy Scripture, then we do what 
 
 we ought; but as for silly and foolish devotions, may our 
 Lord deliver us from them. J 
 
 I wish to explain myself more, for I think I say too many 
 hings at once : but this was always my fault, not to be 
 
 understood (as I have before remarked), except at the expense 
 ot many words. r 
 
 . A nun > for example, begins to practice prayer: and if some 
 simple man should direct her, he will capriciously give her 
 to understand, that it is better to obey him than her superior: 
 and this he does without any malice, but simply because he 
 thinks he is m the right; and being a Beligious, she thinks 
 that what he says must be correct. If the person be married, 
 he will tell her that it is better to apply herself to prayer, 
 during the time when she ought to be engaged about her 
 household work, even though she should displease her husband 
 thereby; hence she knows not howto dispose of her time or 
 or her business, that so all may go on in order, &c. As the 
 director has not light himself, he cannot give it to others 
 though he may desire to do so; for this purpose learning 
 may not seem so necessary; but my opinion is and always 
 has been, that all Christians should endeavor to consult wifh 
 learned men about their souls, and the < ftener so much the 
 better. Those who walk along the road of prayer have 
 greater need than others to meet with such men, and the 
 more spiritual they are, the better it will be for them. Let 
 
 < 
 
132 
 
 LITE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 not people deceive themselves by saying, “ that learned men 
 not accustomed to prayer are not fit directors for those who 
 practice it.” I have had occasion to consult many, and for 
 the last few years more than usual, because I had greater need 
 of them. I have always been very friendly with learned 
 men; for though some of them have no experience, yet they 
 do not dislike spiritual persons, nor are they ignorant of 
 spiritual matters, because in the Holy Scriptures, which they 
 study, they always find these matters are not without some 
 truth. I am convinced, that a person given to prayer, if she 
 take the advice of learned directors, will never be deceived 
 by the illusions of the devil, unless she wish to deceive 
 herself. I believe the devil is exceedingly afraid of learning, 
 provided it be accouipanicd with humility and other virtues, 
 for he knows he will be discovered and will suffer loss. 
 
 I have said thus much, because some think that learned 
 men are not fit for persons given to prayer, unless they also 
 be spiritual men. I have already said that it is necessary 
 to have a spiritual director : and if he be not learned, great 
 inconvenience may arise. And yet it will help us much to 
 treat with learned men, provided they be virtuous; for 
 though they may not be spiritual, they will benefit us, and 
 God will give them to understand what to teach us; He 
 will even make them spiritual, that so they may advance us 
 in virtue. I do not mention this without having some ex¬ 
 perience of it, for I have met with more than two such 
 directors. I say, therefore, that if a person give herself up 
 entirely to the will of one single confessor, she will commit 
 a great error, unless she endeavor to find one who is learned 
 also : and especially if the individual be a man belonging to 
 some Religious Order, because he must be subject to his 
 superior, who perhaps might want all the three qualities 
 mentioned above ; this would be no little cross to him ; and, 
 besides, he might be submitting his understanding to the will 
 of one who had not a good understanding himself. I, at 
 least, could never prevail on myself to do this, neither did I 
 think it proper. 
 
 But if the person should be a secular, let him beg of God 
 that he may choose a man to whom he will subject himself, 
 and let him not lose this virtuous liberty : he might even 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 133 
 
 remain for a time without any director till he find a fit one, 
 for our Lord will certainly give him such a one if he become 
 deeply grounded in humility, and has a desire to make a 
 proper choice. I myself admire such a director exceedingly ; 
 and both men and women, who are not learned, should always 
 give great thanks to God, that there are some who with such 
 pains have found out the truth, of which we, being unlearned, 
 are ignorant. I am often astonished in considering with what 
 trouble learned men, especially those in a Religious Order, 
 have acquired that which is so advantageous to me, and 
 which I learn without any trouble, except that of asking 
 them; and can any one be unwilling to benefit himself by it? 
 God forbid! I see these persons subject themselves to the 
 mortifications of the religious life, which are great; to 
 penances, to poor diet, to obedience, to want of sleep : I see 
 that every thing is a mortification, every thing a cross, and 
 sometimes the thought thereof throws me into some confusion ; 
 and I think what a great evil it would be for any one to lose 
 such a benefit by his own fault. And there may be some 
 amongst ourselves who are free from these austerities (or at 
 least, if we feed upon them, we have them well dressed, as 
 the expression is), and we live at our ease; but because we 
 give a little more time to prayer, we may fancy that we excel 
 those who are accustomed to such great austerities. Blessed 
 be Thou, 0 Lord ! who hast made me so useless and incapable 
 of good! yet I praise Thee most sincerely, because thou hast 
 raised up so many to excite us to virtue. We should, there¬ 
 fore, continually offer up our prayers for those who give us 
 light; for what should we do without them, amidst such 
 terrible tempests as the Church is now in ? If some men 
 have been wicked, the good will shine the brighter : may our 
 Lord hold them by His hand and help them, that so they 
 may help us. Amen. 
 
 I have digressed from what I first intended to say, but all 
 is useful for beginners who commence this sublime way of 
 prayer in such manner, that they may see themselves placed 
 in the true road of salvation. To return then to what I was 
 saying, about thinking of Christ bound to the pillar: it is 
 good to discourse a while, and meditate on the pains He 
 endured there, and why He endured them, and who it is that 
 
134 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 0 
 
 endured them, and also to consider the love wherewith He 
 bore them. But we should not weary ourselves with seeking 
 out these reasons, but only dwell upon them with a calm 
 understanding. If possible, we should employ ourselves in 
 considering who looks upon us; and we should accompany 
 Him, and pray to Him, and humble ourselves before Him, 
 and regale ourselves with Him, remembering that our Lord 
 deserved not to be there. Whenever we are able to do this, 
 though it should be at the very commencement of our prayer, 
 we shall find great benefit from it; indeed, many benefits are 
 gained by this kind of prayer,—at least my soul found it so. 
 1 know not if what I have said be correct: your Reverence 
 will consider this : but may our Lord be pleased, that I may 
 not fail in always pleasing Him. Amen. 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 THE SAINT BEGINS TO EXPLAIN THE SECOND DEGREE OP PRAYER. 
 
 Having already mentioned with what labor this garden 
 rs to be watered, and what strength is required to draw the 
 water from the well, I will now explain the second way of 
 drawing up the water ; for the Master of the garden wishes 
 that by means of the wheel and buckets the gardener may 
 be able to draw more water with less trouble, and may also 
 be enabled to take a little rest, without being continually 
 obliged to be at work. ow this method, when applied to 
 prayer, which is called the “ Prayer of Quiet,” is what I 
 wish to speak upon. 
 
 Here the soul begins to be recollected and to touch upon 
 the supernatural, for it is impossible she can acquire this 
 gift by her own power. It is true, that sometimes she may 
 grow weary in turning round the wheel, working with the 
 understanding, and filling the buckets; but as the water is 
 higher in this second way, she has less labor than she had 
 in drawing the water out of the well; I say the water is 
 nearer to her, because grace is given to her, to know herself 
 more clearly. This is done by collecting within herself all 
 
LIFE 01* ST. TERESA. 
 
 135 
 
 her faculties,* that so she may enjoy the divine sweetness 
 with more pleasure. These, however, do not remain dor¬ 
 mant, nor are they lost; the will alone is occupied in such a 
 way that she is taken captive without knowing how, and only 
 gives her consent that God may hold her in captivity, as one 
 who knows well what it is to be a captive of Him whom she 
 loves. 0 Jesus, my Lord ! how powerful is your love, since 
 it holds our love so fast bound as not to give us, for an in¬ 
 stant, the liberty of loving any person or thing but You! 
 
 The other two faculties assist the will, that so she may 
 be made capable of enjoying so great a good, although some¬ 
 times it happens that even when united with the will they 
 are a great hinderance to it; but, in this case, the will must 
 not disturb herself, but remain in her quiet and pleasure; 
 for if the soul be anxious to re-collect all her faculties, both 
 she and they will lose the good they might otherwise gain. 
 They are like pigeons, which, not being content with the 
 food the owner gives them from the pigeon-house, without 
 their laboring for it, go and seek some elsewhere, but finding 
 it not good, they soon return ; and thus they come and go 
 to see if the will might give them any part of that which 
 it enjoys : and if our Lord should be pleased to cast them 
 some food, they stay; if not, they go away again to seek 
 for it. It is thus that these faculties act with regard to the 
 will, thinking they are of some use to it; but sometimes the 
 memory and imagination injure it, by wishing to represent 
 to it the happiness it enjoys : let the will then act towards 
 them in the way I shall mention afterwards. 
 
 Whatever happens in the Prayer of Quiet is accompanied 
 with very great consolations, and gives so little trouble, that 
 however long it may last it never tires the soul, because the 
 understanding only acts at intervals, though it draws much 
 more water than it drew from the well. The tears which 
 God gives it then are tears of joy, which, though we feel, we 
 procure not. This water, the source of great blessings and 
 favors which our Lord gives us therein, makes our virtues 
 increase incomparably more than in the first degree of prayer, 
 because the soul now begins to rise out of her misery, and 
 
 * The will, memory, and understanding. 
 
136 
 
 LITE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 to have some small glimpse of the joys of eternal glory ; and 
 this, I think, makes her increase the more in virtue, because 
 she approaches nearer to that true power whence all virtues 
 come, that is, God. Then His Majesty begins to communi¬ 
 cate Himself to this soul, and He wishes her to feel how he 
 communicates Himself. When she has arrived at this point, 
 she immediately begins to lose all appetite for the things of 
 this world, and to despise them, because she sees clearly 
 that even one moment of these pleasures cannot be purchased 
 here below; and that no riches, nor dominions, nor honors, 
 nor delights are capable of giving such pleasures, even for 
 one instant, because the pleasures are true , and we feel that 
 they satisfy us. With regard to the pleasures of the world, 
 it seems- even a wonder to me that we can tell in what their 
 enjoyment consists, because “ Yes and No” are never want¬ 
 ing: but in the other pleasures, everything is “Yes” all 
 the time: “ No” comes in afterwards: for then she sees that 
 the matter has come to an end, and that she cannot recover 
 it again, nor does she know how. And though she should 
 almost kill herself with doing penance and praying, and using 
 all other means, yet all would be of little use unless our 
 Lord was pleased to grant the favor. But God, for the sake 
 of Jlis greatness, is pleased this soul should now understand, 
 that His Majesty being so very near her, there is no need of 
 sending any messengers to her, but only for she herself to 
 speak with Him, though not by word of mouth, because be¬ 
 ing so near her, He understands her even by the very move¬ 
 ment of her lips. 
 
 . 11 lna y appear unnecessary for me to speak in this manner, 
 since we know well that our Lord always hears us, and is 
 always with us : there can be no doubt of this truth. But 
 our Lord and Emperor wishes we should here understand 
 that He knows us, and that we should feel the effects of His 
 presence; that He particularly wishes to begin to work in 
 our soul by giving her a great interior and exterior satis¬ 
 faction, and by showing her the difference there is (as I have 
 declared) between those heavenly delights and the pleasures 
 of the world; for the former seem to fill up the void which 
 our sms have made in the soul. And this satisfaction re¬ 
 sides in the most intimate part of the soul, and she knows 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 137 
 
 not whence nor how it has come; and often she knows not 
 what to do, nor what to desire, nor what to ask for. Therein 
 she seems to find all good things united together, though she 
 knows not what she has found, nor do I know how to make 
 her state understood; for many things learning would be 
 necessary, in order to make those who are ignorant under- 
 stand, that there are general helps and particular helps : and 
 that by the latter our Lord wishes the soul to see Him 
 almost as it were with her‘own eyes, and to see many other 
 hmgs also, which cannot be properly expressed by me. But 
 as proper persons are to see what I write, and to examine if 
 there be any errors in it, I do not feel so uneasy because it 
 will go into the hands of those who will understand the mat¬ 
 ter, and who will blot out whatever has been incorrectly ex¬ 
 pressed ; and I know that through want of learning and piety 
 I may easily be found fault with. 
 
 I wish, however, to explain myself, because a soul to whom 
 Hod begms to show these favors, as soon as she applies her- 
 selt to prayer, does not understand them, nor does she know 
 what to do with herself. If God should conduct her along 
 the path of fear, as He has conducted me, she will experience 
 great affliction, unless she meet with some one who can un¬ 
 derstand her; then her joy will be abundant to see herself 
 well described, and she will know clearly that she is walk¬ 
 ing along the right road. It is also a great blessing to 
 now what one ought to do in each of these degrees, that so 
 we may go on with profit; for I myself suffered much, and 
 lost a great deal of time, because I knew not what to do. I 
 have, therefore, great compassion for those souls who find 
 themselves alone when they have arrived at this point • for 
 though I have read many spiritual books which treat on this 
 subject, yet it is explained in a very obscure manner; and 
 
 •lffi’ S ° ul be P ro P erl y exercised in prayer, she 
 
 will find it difficult to understand them, though they mav 
 explain the point at some length. 
 
 I am very desirous our Lord would grant me the favor to 
 relate the effects which are produced in the soul by these 
 hings, when they begin to be supernatural, that so she may 
 know when these effects come from the Spirit of God. When 
 
 I say, “ that she may know,” I mean as far as we can under- 
 12 * 
 
138 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 stand in this world, though we shall always do well to walk 
 on with fear and circumspection ; for though these effects 
 come from God, yet sometimes the devil can transform him¬ 
 self into an angel of light; and if a soul be not well ac¬ 
 quainted with prayer, she will not understand this stratagem; 
 indeed, to understand it properly, she must have arrived at 
 the highest degree of prayer. 
 
 The little time I have to spare gives me but little help, 
 and therefore it is necessary for His Majesty Himself to 
 assist me; for I must be engaged with the community, be¬ 
 sides being occupied with many other things. I am also at 
 present living in a house which has only just commenced, as 
 I shall afterwards mention. I am writing, therefore, with¬ 
 out having any repose, and only by little and little ; but I 
 wish I had more leisure; for when our Lord helps us by His 
 grace to do a thing, it is always done better, and with more 
 facility ; for then it seems as if we had a pattern before our 
 eyes, which we have only to follow. But when the Divine 
 Spirit is not with us, then we no more understand this 
 language than if it were gibberish (as the expression is), 
 although we have spent many years in prayer. Hence it 
 seems a very great advantage for me to be in prayer when 
 I write; for then I see clearly it is not I who speak, nor 
 does my understanding direct me, so that after I have 
 written I could not tell how I wrote : this has happened 
 several times. 
 
 Let us now return to our garden, and consider how these 
 trees begin to bud and to flower, that afterwards they may 
 give fruit; and how the pinks and other flowers bloom and 
 diffuse a sweet smell. This comparison pleases me much; 
 for often in my beginnings—I mean at the commencement 
 of my life, as I shall mention afterwards (and may our Lord 
 grant that now I may have begun to serve His Majesty),— 
 it was a great delight for me to consider my soul as a gar¬ 
 den, in which our Lord walked up and down. I besought 
 Him to increase the odor of those little flowers of virtue, 
 which seemed wishful to bud, that so they might contribute 
 to His honor and glory; and that He would support them, 
 since I desired nothing for myself, and would prune them 
 as He pleased, for I already knew they would grow the bet- 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 139 
 
 ter afterwards. I said, I besought Him to <c prune” them, 
 because at certain periods the soul has no remembrance of 
 this garden, but everything se^ms to be so withered, as if no 
 Water would come any more to refresh it, and as if there 
 never had been any virtue at all in the soul. Thus she suf¬ 
 fers much affliction, because our Lord wishes the poor gar¬ 
 dener to think, that all the care is lost which he had em¬ 
 ployed in watering and taking care of his garden. Then, 
 however, is the time truly to cut up by the root those small 
 weeds which had hitherto remained in the soul, by making 
 us understand that no diligence of ours will avail, if God 
 take away from us the water of His grace, that so we may 
 not esteem our nothingness—or, rather, our less than no¬ 
 thingness. Hereby great humility is gained, and the flowers 
 bloom with fresh beauty. 0 Thou, my Lord and Sovereign 
 Good! (and I know not how to utter these words without 
 tears, and without feeling great pleasure in my soul)—how 
 desirous Thou art to be thus amongst us ! And Thou art 
 also in the Blessed Sacrament, which may most truly be be¬ 
 lieved, because Thou hast said so : and with great truth also 
 we can make this comparison; for if no fault on our part 
 prevent us, we can enjoy ourselves with Thee ! And Thou 
 art likewise pleased to be with us, since Thou hast said, 
 “ My delight is to be with the children of men.” 0 my 
 Lord, what mean these words'? Whenever I hear them, 
 they always give me great consolation ; and so it was even 
 when I was very wicked. Is it possible, 0 Lord! there 
 should be any soul which, after having received such favors 
 and blessings from Thee, and having understood it was Thy 
 delight to be with her, should again offend Thee—after all these 
 favors, and so many great proofs of the love Thou bearest 
 her, as to leave no doubt it is so, since it is manifest by the 
 effects ? Yes! it is certain there is such a soul who has 
 offended Thee, not once but often—and this is myself. I be¬ 
 seech Thy goodness, 0 Lord, that I may be the only soul 
 who has been guilty of such base wickedness, and such ex¬ 
 cessive ingratitude, though even from this my wickedness, 
 Thy infinite goodness has been able to draw some advantage ; 
 and the greater my misery was, the more has the greatness 
 of Thy mercies shone forth. What strong reasons, then> 
 
140 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 have I not to celebrate those mercies forever ? I beseech 
 Thee, 0 my Lord, that it may be so : and that I may sing 
 Thy praises forever, since now Thou hast been pleased to 
 show such very great favors to me, that those who see them 
 are amazed ; and often they carry me quite out of myself. 
 Were I to be without Thee, 0 my Lord! I should be fit for 
 nothing but to behold the flowers of this garden become 
 withered in such a way, that this miserable body of mine 
 would be again turned into a dunghill, as it was formerly. 
 But in order that I may praise Thee the better, do not per¬ 
 mit, 0 Lord, this soul to be lost, which Thou hast purchased 
 with so many labors, and which Thou hast so often re¬ 
 purchased again and again, and hast saved from the teeth of 
 the terrible dragon. 
 
 I trust your Reverence will pardon me for thus wandering 
 from the subject; do not wonder at it, for it happens so 
 according to the nature of the reflections the soul makes 
 when I write : hence it is sometimes very difficult to forbear 
 breaking out into praises of God, when, as I am writing, all 
 that I owe Him are represented to me. And I believe this 
 will not be displeasing to your Reverence ; for it seems to me, 
 that we may both chant one song, though in a different 
 manner ; for I owe much more to God than you do, because 
 He has pardoned me more sins, as your Reverence knows well 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 SHE CONTINUES THE SAME SUBJECT, AND GIVES SOME ADVICE HOW 
 PERSONS AHE TO ACT JN THE PRAYER OF QU»ET, ETC. 
 
 Let us now return to our subject. This quiet and re¬ 
 collection of the soul are easily perceived, by the peace and 
 satisfaction they produce, together with a very great pleasure 
 and calm, as well as the sweetest delight in the soul. And 
 now it seems to her, as she has not arrived any farther, 
 that already there is nothing for her to desire, and that she 
 may willingly exclaim with St. Peter, “ Lord, it is good for 
 us to be here.” She dare not stir, nor move, lest the good 
 should depart from her : sometimes she would even desire not 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 141 
 
 to draw her breath. The poor soul understands not, that as 
 by herself she is unable to do anything towards bringing 
 this good to her ; so she has less power to keep it any longer 
 than our Lord is pleased. I have already mentioned how in 
 this quiet and recollection the powers of the soul are not 
 wanting; but she is so fully satisfied with God, that though 
 while the prayer la r 'ts the memory and the understanding are 
 not exempt from distractions; yet, as the will remains united 
 with God, the soul does not lose her quiet and calm; but 
 rather, by little and little she recalls the other two powers, 
 so as to make them recollected. And though the will be 
 not wholly engulfed in God, yet she is so occupied, without 
 knowing how, that, however diligent these two may be, they 
 cannot deprive her of her contentment and joy ; but rather, 
 she goes on helping herself without any trouble, in order 
 that this little spark of God’s love may not be extinguished 
 in her. 
 
 I beseech His Majesty to grant me grace, that I may make 
 this point well understood; for there are many souls who 
 arrive at this degree of prayer, and few who go beyond it, 
 and I know not who is in fault: but of this I am sure, there 
 is none on the part of God ; for since His Majesty does a 
 soul the favor of bringing her to this degree, I cannot believe 
 he would cease to bestow many more favors upon her, were 
 it not through some fault of her own. It is very necessary 
 for the soul who has arrived so far, to understand the great 
 dignity she possesses, and the great favor our Lord has 
 bestowed upon her, and what powerful reasons she now has 
 no longer to belong to the earth; because it seems that His 
 goodness has already made her an inhabitant of heaven, if 
 she lose it not through her own fault. Wretched will she be 
 if she turn back 5 for I believe she would descend very low, 
 just as I was doing, if the mercy of our Lord had not brought 
 me back again ; because for the most part such a misery is, 
 in my opinion, to be attributed to grievous faults : nor is it 
 possible to fall from so great a good, without great blindness 
 to such an evil. I therefore beseech those souls, for the love 
 of our Lord, on whom His Majesty has bestowed such favors 
 as to enable them to attain this state, to know themselves } 
 to estimate *such a favor as it deserves, and to resolve, with 
 
142 
 
 life OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 Immihty and a holy presumption, not to return to the flesh- 
 
 ne!s B - Ut lf > tbrou « h their weakness and wicked¬ 
 
 ness, and their miserable and corrupt nature, they should 
 
 a again, as I did, let them always be representing to them- 
 
 sclves the good they have lost: let them suspect themselves, 
 
 d walk with fear,—for they have reason to do so. If thev 
 
 return not to prayer, they will go on from bad to worse : for 
 
 by'which * real . fa11 ’” when a soul a W>ors that very means 
 by which she purchased so great a good; and it is to such 
 
 W 1 J V s P eakln g »ow I say not that they will never 
 
 those^ G< ! ’ T f ? U ‘“t 0 Sin ’ tl,ou S h h is but reasonable that 
 
 l,° rV° U S W ° f haVe begUn t0 receive tIles « favors, should 
 guard against falling as much as possible. But we are 
 
 “ b ' C creatu '’ es > a,,d "hat I earnestly advise is, not to 
 om t prayer, for thereby we shall know what we are doing, 
 and we shall obtain true sorrow for having offended our Lord 
 and strength to rise again when we have fallen. Let us be 
 convinced, that if the soul neglect prayer, she exposes her¬ 
 self, in my opinion, to great danger. I know not if I 
 
 myself tand " 1 aU1 Saymg ’ because 1 judge of others by 
 
 This kind of prayer, then, is a spark of God’s true love, 
 winch our Lord begins to enkindle in the soul; and His 
 desire is, that she should understand what is the nature of 
 this love, and what kind of delight it brings with it. This 
 qmet, and recollection, and little spark, if it come from the 
 fepirit of God, and be not a pleasure either given by the 
 devil or procured by ourselves, however small it may be 
 makes a great noise.. And if the soul do not extinguish it 
 y her own fault, this it is which begins to enkindle a large fire, 
 w mh (as I shall mentuin in the proper place) sends forth 
 from itself flames of the most burning love of God, which 
 His Majesty is pleased perfect souls should 'enjoy, though he 
 who has experience cannot but immediately understand, 
 that it is a thing which cannot be acquired ; but that as our 
 nature is so desirous of pleasure, we wish to taste of every¬ 
 thing. If, however, this quiet and recollection come from 
 the devil we soon grow very cold again; and however much 
 we may desire to make the fire burn, in order to obtain this 
 pleasure, it seems that we need only cast water oq it to quench 
 
143 
 
 Life OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 f', This sp ar k is a sign or pledge which God gives to that 
 soul, to show her how He chooses her for great things, if she 
 wi 1 only make herself fit to receive them ; this is J invalu¬ 
 able gift, much greater than I am able to express. Deeply 
 am I grieved, because (as I was saying) I know many souls 
 who have arrived so far: and yet so very few have passed 
 further on, as they ought to do, that I am ashamed to 
 ac nowledge it. There may, however, be many, for God 
 supports us for some purpose: but I only speak'if those I 
 haie seen. I would earnestly advise such not to hide their 
 talent, for it seems God chooses them, that they may do good 
 to many other souls-and especially in these times, when H 
 /■ necessary for His Majesty to have stanch and resolute 
 
 i!t ndS i 0 *if- UP S 0rt tbe weak - And let a11 who find they have 
 eceived this favor esteem themselves strong, if they know 
 
 how to correspond with the Lord, which even in this world a 
 incere friendship requires; and if not, let them fear lest 
 they do themselves some harm ; and God grant the evil may 
 come upon no one but themselves. ^ 
 
 In this Prayer of Quiet, the soul has nothing more to de 
 an to remain enjoying her sweetness without making any 
 noise. I call it « noise,” if the understanding go H 
 seeking many words and considerations, to give thanks for 
 
 feetionZ*’ and be collecting together her sins and imper- 
 fections, m order to discover she does not deserve this favor. 
 
 11 is m motion now : the understanding represents manv 
 things to us, and the memory is busy : and truly these powers 
 of the soul give me at times some trouble; and as I have a 
 
 rhe wiM should 00 ’ Ca " n •* C ° n,ro1 them - At this «>«>. 
 
 , . foocld remain m repose, and wisely acknowledge 
 
 that this is not the way to treat with God; and that it is like 
 
 throwing great logs of wood, without discretion, on a small 
 
 eZ ;hh°h -r! eXtl T ish !t A Let ber therefore acknowl- 
 edge with humihty, and say, “O Lord! what can I do here 1 
 
 M hat has this slave to do with the Lord of heaven apd earth 1 ” 
 
 Or she may use some other loving words, such as present 
 
 savslbe the trtoh 'a' 7COnTi “ ced ’ howeTCr , that what she 
 says be the truth. As regards the understanding, let the 
 
 <ral comsider ‘i ln , no , otber Ilgbt than that of a miller, as it 
 
 e, and if she be desirous of giving it a part of what she 
 
144 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 enjoys, or shall labor to make it recollected, she will not gain 
 her object: for often we see that in this union and repose of 
 the will, the understanding is still much out of order; and 
 if the will cannot arrest it, is is much better to let it alone, 
 rather than go after it. Let it remain in the enjoyment of 
 this favor, shut up in itself, like a wise bee; for if none of 
 the bees should go into the hive, but be all wandering about, 
 very little honey would be made. 
 
 A soul will lose much, if she pay not attention to this 
 point, especially if the understanding be subtle ; for when 
 once she begins to arrange her discourses, and to seek for 
 reasons, she will think she has done something great, par¬ 
 ticularly if the discourses be eloquent. But the discourse 
 which should be used in this prayer must be, clearly to see 
 and acknowledge that there is no other reason why God 
 should confer so great a favor on us than His own goodness; 
 to consider that we are very near Him; to beg favors from 
 His Majesty ; to pray for the Church ; for those who have 
 recommended themselves to our prayers, and for the souls in 
 purgatory : and this should be done, not by the noise of 
 words, but by a feeling desire to be heard. The Prayer of 
 Quiet comprehends a great deal, and more is obtained thereby 
 than by many discourses of the understanding. Let the 
 will, then, excite within herself some reasons (which will 
 easily present themselves to her when she finds herself so 
 much improved) capable of inflaming this love ; and let her 
 make certain acts of love with respect to what she would 
 gladly do for One to whom she owes so much, without allow¬ 
 ing (as I have mentioned) the understanding to make any 
 noise, under the pretext of seeking for high and lofty 
 thoughts. But a few little straws,—and even something less 
 than straws, if it be possible,—presented with humility, will 
 be much more to the purpose, and will be of greater help in 
 enkindling the fire of divine love, than great logs of wood,— 
 I mean, than learned discourses,—which, however beautiful 
 they appear to us, might extinguish the fire in a few minutes. 
 These may be good for learned men, who command me to 
 write this book, because, by the mercy of God, all of them 
 may attain this degree of prayer, and perhaps they might 
 spend the time in considering some passages from Scripture. 
 
Life OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 145 
 
 Sl uhM le T ,n « oould not fail of bein s usef »i to 
 
 them, both before and after prayer, yet, during the time it 
 continues, there is, m my opinion, little necessity for their 
 learning, unless they wish to cool the fervor of the will. 
 Ihe reason is, because the understanding, then seeing itself 
 so near to Light itself, is so much enlightened, thatCen I 
 
 AnTlLh .“h erab ,, le a creature ) seem to be another person. 
 Oniet ^ lA*® h fPP ene ^ , t0 “0. when in the Prayer of 
 Quiet though I understand hardly anything of what is said 
 
 Itand ?e d “P 6 ™ 1 ^. 1 ? tbe I ! salter > Jet I not only under- 
 s and the verse m Spanish, but I pass further on, and delight 
 
 myself in considering the meaning of the Spanish. I mike 
 
 te n acb °f P tn W1 ? r -tff d t0 thoSe who have t0 Pfeach or to 
 teach, for then it will be proper to make use of their learning 
 
 m assisting poor ignorant persons like myself; for charity is 
 
 : "",1 S ° t0 hel P souls forward, provided 
 that it be always done for God. 1 
 
 .A 1 the l * me when the soul is in possession of this quiet, 
 aside / es * Wlth her true repose, and let learning be put 
 
 wid n f ° r v he tlme wlU eome when ^ will be of service, and 
 ha e 6 h / a'V est eenied, that on no account would men 
 
 it mVe.'ri? eted kno " :Ied ft> were it only for the opportunity 
 t gives them of serving His Majesty, since for this object it 
 
 is very useful But believe me, that a little attention to 
 
 E'irf 1 ? and an act of this virtue, are worth more 
 before His infinite wisdom than all the learning in the world 
 Here we have no need of reasoning, but only to know with 
 sincerity what we are, and to represent ourselves with 
 
 Wself 7 b f n S G ? d ’ Wh ° desires that the souI should make 
 hei.elf as dull and ignorant as she is in reality in His sight, 
 
 since His Majesty humbles Himself so far as to allow her to 
 
 be near His own person, though we are such miserable 
 
 creatures. The understanding is likewise moved to return 
 
 thanks in words very well arranged; but the will, in the 
 
 enjoyment of her calm, and not presuming, like the publican, 
 
 to lift up her eyes to heaven, makes a better thanksgiving 
 
 than perhaps the understanding would be able to do, by using 
 
 all the powers of rhetoric. We should not, however, in thii 
 
 case entirely omit the use of mental prayer, nor even of 
 
 vocal prayer, if we should sometimes wish to practice it, or 
 
 Id 
 
146 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 should find ourselves able to do so; because if the quiet be 
 great, we can hardly help speaking without considerable pain. 
 In my opinion, we can know when this comes from the Spirit 
 of God, or when we procure it ourselves at the commence¬ 
 ment of that devotion which God gives us; but when we 
 wish (as I have said) to procure by ourselves this quiet of the 
 will, no good effect is then produced ; it ends quickly, and 
 leaves nothing but dryness behind. If it should come from 
 the devil, a soul exercised in prayer will I think soon discover 
 it; for it leaves a certain restlessness and confers little 
 humility, and makes us but ill prepared for receiving those 
 effects which the Spirit of God produces ; it leaves no light 
 in the understanding, nor firmness in speaking the truth. 
 
 But this will do little or no hurt to the soul, if she direct 
 to God the sweetness and delight she then feelsand if she 
 also place all her thoughts and desires in Him (as I have 
 already advised), the devil can gain nothing; yea, God will 
 so dispose matters, that he will lose much even by that very 
 delight he causes in the soul; for this very delight will help 
 that soul, which thinks it comes from God, often to have 
 recourse to prayer, with the desire of receiving more and 
 more delight. But if the soul be humble and not curious, 
 nor desirous of delights (even though they be spiritual), but 
 be a lover of the cross, she will make little account of any 
 pleasure the devil may cause in her; this, however, she can¬ 
 not do if it come from the Spirit of God, for then she will 
 esteem it very highly. When the devil—who is lying and 
 deceit itself—attempts such a thing, if he see a soul humble 
 herself by means of this delight and pleasure which she re¬ 
 ceives (and indeed we ought to take great care to humble 
 ourselves in all things relating to prayer and having delights), 
 he will not often return and tempt us, when he perceives he 
 loses, rather than gains thereby. For this and many other 
 reasons I mentioned in the first degree of prayer (which 
 answers to the first method of drawing water), how very im¬ 
 portant it is when the soul enters first upon prayer, to begin 
 to disengage herself from all kind of pleasure, and to be de¬ 
 termined only to help our Lord to carry His cross, like brave 
 knights who are resolved to serve their king gratis* since 
 they are already sure He will reward them; and so we must. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 147 
 
 turn our eyes to that true and everlasting kingdom which we 
 are endeavoring to possess. 
 
 It is very necessary to have these considerations always 
 before our eyes, especially in the beginning, for afterwards 
 we become quite convinced, that instead of endeavoring to 
 remember how quickly everything ends, that all pleasures 
 are nothing, and that worldly rest is not to be esteemed or 
 desired, we rather find it necessary to forget such thoughts 
 in order to live. This seems a very unworthy consideration, 
 and so it is : for they who are more advanced would take it 
 tor an affront, and would even blush at themselves if they 
 thought they had forsaken the pleasures of this life because 
 they were one day to have an end; for were they to last 
 l ve ?, 0,e y er > 3’ et these souls would rejoice to leave them for 
 (rods sake; the more perfect they were, the more they 
 would rejoice: yea, the longer these pleasures lasted, the 
 more would they rejoice in leaving them. The love of God, 
 which is great in these souls, operates these effects; but for 
 those who are commencing, this point is very important (and 
 they-must not consider of little value), to leave all pleasures 
 tor bod; for the benefits which are gained by this means are 
 very great, and therefore do I insist upon this matter so 
 much; for those even who are most experienced in prayer it 
 is necessary to attend to this point, for there are times in 
 which bod wishes to try them, nay, when He seems even to 
 have forsaken them; for, as I have before said, and I do not 
 wish to have my words forgotten, in the life that we live the 
 soul does not increase as the body does, though we say she 
 does ; and this is true to a certain extent, for after a child 
 las giown and become a man, he does not again grow less 
 nor has he a little body: but with regard to the soul, our 
 Lord wishes it to be otherwise, according to what I have 
 seen m myself, though I know nothing with regard to others 
 lhis ought to humble us for our greater good, and in order 
 that we may not grow negligent while we live in this exile 
 for he who stands the highest ought to fear the most, and 
 trust himself the least. There are times, when even those 
 whose will is so united with the Divine will, that they would 
 rather suffet all kinds of torments, and a thousand deaths, 
 than commit the least imperfection, are so violently attacked 
 
148 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 by temptations and persecutions, that in order to avoid com¬ 
 mitting sin, and to keep themselves from offending God, it is 
 necessary for them to make use of the first arms of prayer, 
 and to consider again and again how all things come to an 
 end, that there is a heaven and a hell, and soon with regard 
 to other points of the like nature. But to return to what I 
 was saying: in order to free one’s self from the deceits of 
 the devil, and from those false pleasures he makes us feel in 
 prayer, it is very necessary to commence with a resolution 
 not to desire these pleasures, but to walk in the way of the 
 cross, since our Saviour himself has shown us the road which 
 leads to perfection in these words — u Take up your cross 
 and follow me.” He is our pattern ; and whoever follows 
 Ilis advice, merely with a view to please Him, need not fear 
 anything; and by the profit which they see they have gained 
 in themselves, they will easily discover the devil does not 
 delude them ; and though they should relapse, yet one proof 
 will remain, that our Lord has been there, viz., that they will 
 quickly rise again, and this is what I shall now declare. 
 
 When it comes from the Spirit of God, there will be no 
 necessity to go in search of reasons for acquiring humility 
 and confusion, because our Lord himself gives them in a 
 manner very different from what we ourselves can procure 
 by our mean considerations, all of which are nothing in com¬ 
 parison with that true humility, and with that light which 
 our Lord here gives us ; and these produce in us such a deep 
 confusion that they annihilate us. The knowledge which 
 God gives us, that we may understand we have no good of 
 ourselves, is very easily perceived ; and this the more, the 
 greater the favors are. It also excites a great desire of ad¬ 
 vancing in prayer, and of not omitting this duty on account 
 of any trouble which may happen to us. It produces a con¬ 
 fidence that we shall be saved, united however with fear and 
 humility. It immediately drives away all servile fear from 
 the soul, and puts in its place a filial fear, which is much 
 stronger. She now sees that she begins to have a love for 
 God, which is far from being interested, and she desires op¬ 
 portunities for solitude, that so she may the better enjoy that 
 good. In a word (not to weary myself too much), this is 
 the beginning of all good things, a state in which the flowers 
 
Life of st. teresa, 
 
 149 
 
 are almost on the point of blossoming; and this the soul sees 
 very clearly. Then she cannot but believe that God is with 
 her, till she sees herself guilty of faults and imperfections* 
 then she fears everything, and it is proper she should, though 
 there are souls to whom it is more useful to believe for cer¬ 
 tain that God is with them, than to have all the fears in the 
 world, because if the soul of herself be loving and grateful, 
 the remembrance of the favor which God conferred upon her 
 is more efficacious in turning her to God than the representa¬ 
 tions of all the torments of hell; at least, this happened to 
 myself, though so wicked. 
 
 As for the signs of a good spirit, I will speak of them 
 more in detail hereafter; now I cannot do so, for it costs 
 me a great deal of trouble to have them drawn out in a 
 clear, legible form; but I hope that, by the divine grace, I 
 shall be able to say something to the purpose; for, besides 
 the experience whereby I have come to understand many 
 things, I have learned something from some very learned 
 men, and from very holy persons, to whom it is proper to 
 give credit: let not other souls then be so afflicted as I was, 
 when they shall have arrived, through the goodness of our 
 Lord, at this state. 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 THE SAINT SPEAKS ON THE THIRD DEGREE OP PRAYER. 
 
 I now wish to speak of the third water wherewith this 
 garden is watered, for this is a running water of a river or 
 spring, and it waters with much less labor the garden, though 
 the distribution thereof causes some trouble. Rut our Lord 
 will so help the gardener, that in some degree He will almost 
 be the gardener Himself, and will do everything. It is a 
 repose of all the powers, which, however, are not entirely 
 lost, nor yet do they know how they work. The pleasure, 
 sweetness, and delight are greater beyond comparison than 
 in the former state ) and the soul is so engulfed in the water 
 of grace, that she cannot go forward, nor does she know 
 13 * 
 
150 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 how, nor is she willing to return back, because of the ex¬ 
 cessive glory she enjoys. It is as if a person were cn 
 the point of dying the death he desires, with a blest candle 
 in his hands, for in this agony the pleasure he enjoys is more 
 than can be expressed •, and this seems to me to be nothing 
 more than to die almost entirely to everything in the world, 
 that so we may enjoy God alone. I know of no other words 
 wherewith to express this delight, or to declare it: nor does 
 the soul know at that time what to do, whether she should 
 speak or be silent, laugh or weep. It is a glorious kind of 
 frenzy, a celestial folly, whereby true wisdom is learned ; 
 and.the soul cannot have a more delightful means of regaling 
 herself. I think it is about five or six years ago since our 
 Lord gave me this kind of prayer often and abundantly, and 
 then I neither understood it nor could I express it; I had 
 therefore resolved, when I came to treat on this degree, to 
 say little or nothing. I saw very clearly however, that it 
 was not an entire union of all the powers of the soul, but 
 still that it was more than could be found in the former de¬ 
 grees ; yet I must acknowledge, I could not determine, nor. 
 did I know in what this difference consisted. But I believe, 
 that on account of the humility which your Reverence hks 
 shown, in wishing to be assisted by such great simplicity as 
 mine, our Lord gave me to-day after communicating this 
 prayer, yet without my being able to go forward; and He 
 put these comparisons into my head, and taught me how to 
 express them, and what the soul is to do in this case; and 
 truly I was amazed thereat, for I understood the whole sub¬ 
 ject in a moment. Many times I was as it were out of my¬ 
 self, being inebriated with this love, and yet I could never 
 understand how it was : I knew well, however, it was from 
 God, but I could not comprehend how He worked therein ; 
 for in reality the powers of the mind are almost entirely 
 united, but not so engulfed but that they still work : I have 
 been extremely pleased at having now understood this prayer. 
 May our Lord be blessed for having thus favored me. 
 
 These powers are then only capable of occupying them¬ 
 selves entirely on God ; and it appears that none of them 
 daring to move, we could not turn away from this object 
 without using great violence to them ; and I know not 
 
• ft-. <w ! • 
 
 151 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 whether with all our efforts we could even then do so. Many 
 words are then spoken in praise of God, without any order, 
 unless our Lord himself should arrange them, for here the 
 understanding is of no use whatever. The soul would fain 
 break forth into praises, but she cannot contain herself, and 
 her condition is a pleasing kind of restlessness. Then the 
 flowers begin to open and to scent the air; then the soul 
 would be glad if all the world could see and understand her 
 glory, so as to praise God ; and if every one could assist her 
 therein, that so she might give them part of her joy, not be¬ 
 ing able to enjoy so much herself. She seems to me to be 
 like the person mentioned in the Gospel, who called her 
 neighbors 5 or as if she felt the admirable spirit of the royal 
 prophet David, when he played on his harp and sung the 
 praises of God. I am very much devoted to this glorious 
 King, and I wish that all men were so, especially we who 
 are sinners. 
 
 0 my God ! in what state is a soul when she finds her¬ 
 self raised to this degree of prayer ! She would wish to be 
 changed into so many tongues, in order to praise Thee, 0 
 Lord ! She utters a thousand holy extravagances, always 
 endeavoring to please Thee, who holdest her in this state. 
 I know a certain person,* who, though she was no poetess, 
 made very feeling verses “ extempore,” declaring the sweet 
 pain she suffered, and these were not composed by her under¬ 
 standing ; but the better to enjoy that glory which gave her 
 so delightful a pain, she complained thereof to her God, and 
 she wished both her whole body and soul could be torn in 
 pieces, to show the joy she feels in this pain. What torments 
 could then be placed before her which she would not gladly 
 endure for the love of her Lord ? She sees clearly that the 
 martyrs did almost nothing in suffering torments, for the soul 
 knows then that her strength comes from some other source 
 than from herself. But what will she feel when she comes 
 to herself again, and is obliged to devise the means of living 
 in the world, and is mixed up again with its cares and occu¬ 
 pations? I think I have not at all exaggerated anything 
 
 * The Saint, no doubt, alludes to herself; for being once in a rapture, 
 she composed some sublime verses, still extant. 
 
152 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 respecting the joy which our Lord is pleased a soul should 
 experience in this place of banishment, for all that I have 
 said is very mean in comparison with the Reality. Blessed 
 be Thou, 0 Lord, forever ! may all creatures praise Thee 
 forever Be now pleased, 0 my King! and I humbly 
 beseech Thee, that since even now, while I am writing, I am 
 not out of this holy and celestial frenzy (which through Thy 
 goodness and mercy 1 hou grantest to me as a favor, without 
 any merit of mine), either all those with whom I converse 
 may become fools for your love, or permit me no more to 
 converse with any person, or so order, 0 Lord, that I may 
 have nothing more to do with the things of this world, or 
 take me quite away from it. 0 my God ! this Thy servant 
 can no longer endure so many afflictions, which she sees 
 come upon her when she has Thee not; if she must live, she 
 desires to have no ease in this life, and indeed Thou dost 
 not give her any. She desires to be free from the body • 
 eating is insupportable to her, and sleep afflicts her; she 
 sees that her whole life is passed in satisfying the body, and 
 that now no one but Thee can truly delight her ; she seems 
 to live against nature itself, since she desires no longer to 
 live in herself, but in Thee. 0 my true Lord and my glory! 
 how light and yet how very heavy is the cross which Thou 
 hast prepared for those who have arrived at this degree ! It 
 is light, because it is sweet; and it is heavy, because at 
 certain times, no patience in the world can endure it, and yet 
 the soul would never desire to be free from it, unless it were 
 that she might find herself with Thee. And when she 
 remembers that she has not served Thee in anything, but 
 that by living she may then be able to serve Thee, she would 
 gladly endure a burden much more heavy, and would be 
 content not to die until the end of the world. She cares not 
 for any rest or repose, provided she can do Thee any little 
 service. She knows not what to desire, though she knows 
 well that she desires nothing but Thee. 
 
 0 my son! (for you, to whom this life is directed, and 
 who have commanded me to write it, are so humble that you 
 wish to be called by this name), let these things be known 
 only to yourself, when you see that I do not keep within 
 bounds ; for no reason is able to restrain me when our Lord 
 
LIFE OF ST. TEBtESA. 
 
 153 
 
 takes me out of myself. I do not believe it is I who am 
 thus speaking, ever since I communicated this morning. It 
 seems that I dream of what I see, and that I would be glad 
 to see only those who are sick of this same malady which I 
 now have myself. I beseech your Reverence to pray that 
 we may all become fools for the love of Him, who was 
 pleased to be called a <c fool ” for us. And since your 
 Reverence tells me that you have a regard for me, I wish 
 you may show it by disposing yourself for receiving this 
 favor from our Lord ; for I see very few persons who do not 
 take excessive pains for the accomplishment of their desires. 
 But, perhaps, I may be in greater error than every one else. 
 Do not, however, allow this, my father (for you are both a 
 father and a son, because you are my confessor, to whom I 
 have entrusted my soul); undeceive me by telling me the 
 truth, though these truths are but seldom told. 
 
 I should be very glad, that as in these days men meet 
 together in secret to conspire against the Divine Majesty, 
 and to propagate their wickedness and heresies ; so we five,* 
 who at present love each other in Christ, should also endeavor 
 sometimes to meet together, for the purpose of undeceiving 
 each other, for conferring on the means of reforming our¬ 
 selves, and of giving God the greatest pleasure . for no one 
 knows himself so well as they know who see us, provided 
 they truly love us, and are anxious for our advancement. 
 I mention this in secret, because no such language is used 
 in the world; even preachers so arrange their sermous as not 
 to give any offence ; their intention is good, but we see what 
 the effects are, for few amend their lives. How is it that 
 many still give scandal by their public vices, in spite of these 
 sermons ? The reason is, I think, because preachers have 
 too much prudence, and too little of that fire of Divine love 
 which the apostles had, and so it sends out but little heat, 
 I do not say it should be so great as theirs was; but I wish 
 it were greater than what I see now. Does your Reverence 
 know in what it ought principally to consist 1 In abhorring 
 this life and despising honors ; and that, rather than fail in 
 speaking the truth, and maintaining it for the glory of Gcd, 
 
 * I do not know the five to whom the Saint alludes. 
 
154 
 
 LIFE OF ST, TERESA. 
 
 we should be more ready to lose all than to gain all; and he 
 who is willing to hazard all things for God, will be as content 
 With the one as with the other. I say not that I am such a 
 person, but I earnestly wish I were. Oh ! glorious liberty, 
 to esteem as a captivity the being obliged to live and converse 
 . according to the laws of this world ! And when this favor 
 is obtained from our Lord, there is no slave who would not 
 venture everything, that so he might redeem himself and 
 return to his own country. And since this is the true way, 
 we should not loiter on the road, for we shall never be able 
 to obtain so great a treasure until we die; and may our Lord 
 grant us His grace for this purpose. Your Reverence may 
 tear in pieces what I have written if you think proper, and 
 pardon me, for I have been too bold. 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 SHE CONTINUES THE SAME SUBJECT, ON THE THIRD DEGREE OF 
 
 PRAYER, ETC. 
 
 I have already spoken, at considerable length, of this 
 third degree of prayer, and of what the soul should do 
 therein,—or rather what God operates in her; for now He 
 Himself takes the office of gardener, and wishes the soul to 
 take her rest, provided only that the “ will ” accept of these 
 favors which she enjoys, and offers to submit herself to all 
 that this true Wisdom may be pleased to effect in her: for 
 this purpose courage is certainly necessary. And so great 
 is this joy, that sometimes it seems the soul is just on the 
 point of leaving the body j and what a happy death that 
 would be! 
 
 It appears to me, as I have before mentioned to your 
 Reverence, that it would be well for the soul to abandon 
 herself entirely into the hands of God: if He should wish 
 to take her to heaven, let her go; if to hell, let her not be 
 troubled, for she will accompany Him who is all her hap¬ 
 piness ; if He wish her to leave this life immediately, let 
 ner consent thereto ; if to live a thousand years, let her be 
 willing j let His Majesty dispose of her as of something 
 
Life of st. thresa. 155 
 
 which belongs to Him; for the soul is no longer her own, 
 but she belongs wholly to our Lord, and therefore she must 
 be entirely free from care. I say, then, that in so high a 
 degree of prayer as this is, she understands that she performs 
 it without any weariness to the understanding (for when God 
 gives this prayer to a soul, she is able to do all this, and 
 much more, for such are its effects); she is, it seems, as it 
 were amazed at seeing how our Lord performs the office of 
 so good a gardener, and how He wishes her to take no pains 
 or trouble, but only that she would delight herself by begin¬ 
 ning to smell the flowers. When the Gardener waters the 
 soul with this water, of which He is the Creator, though it 
 may last only for a short time, yet He gives it in such abund¬ 
 ance, that what the poor soul could not obtain by all her 
 efforts in tiring the understanding for twenty years, this 
 heavenly Gardener now does all in a moment; and the fruit 
 grows and ripens so well, that she is able through the good 
 pleasure of our Lord, to support herself by the garden. But 
 He does not give the soul leave to distribute the fruit till 
 she has grown so strong, by having eaten of it, as not to 
 squander it away in tasting it. Thus by not valuing the 
 profit she might make by it, nor receiving anything from 
 those to whom she gave it, she might maintain and feed 
 people at her own cost, while she herself would perhaps die 
 of hunger. W hat I have said will be understood by such 
 persons, who well know how to apply it, better than I can 
 declare, for I feel tired. 
 
 The truth is, that the virtues which are obtained in this 
 prayer remain so much stronger in the soul than those 
 obtained in the Prayer of Quiet, that she cannot be ignorant 
 of them. She sees herself quite another person, and she 
 begins (though scarcely knowing how), to do great things by 
 means of the odor the flowers yield of themselves; far now 
 our Lord is pleased that the flowers should open, that so she 
 may know she has virtues, although she sees very clearly 
 she was not able during several years to acquire them, nor 
 could she till the Heavenly Gardener was pleased in an 
 instant to give them to her. The humility, also, of the soul 
 is greater and more profound in this prayer than in the 
 former, because she sees more clearly that she did nothing 
 
156 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 herself, but only consented for our Lord to bestow these 
 favors on her, and for the will to embrace them. 
 
 It seems to me, that in this kind of prayer there is a very 
 evident union of the whole soul with God, except that it 
 appears His Majesty gives liberty to the powers of the mind, 
 to understand and enjoy the abundance of what He works in 
 the soul. Sometimes, and even very often, it happens, that 
 the will being thus united (I mention this, that your Rev¬ 
 erence may see it can be, and that you may understand it 
 when it happens), she knows and understands that she is tied 
 up, and yet she can enjoy. I repeat, she knows she possesses 
 much quiet and peace, while on the other hand the memory 
 and the understanding are so free, that they are able to treat 
 about business, and attend to works of charity. Now, though 
 this may seem to be all the same with what I said respecting 
 the Prayer of Quiet, yet it is different; because there the 
 soul is in such a state that she would fain not stir nor move, 
 as she enjoys the holy leisure of Mary ; whereas, in the 
 Prayer of Union, the soul may also imitate Martha. Thus 
 she performs, almost all together, the duties both of the 
 active and the contemplative life, and she is able to attend 
 to works of charity, and to other business connected with 
 her state : she can also read, though still the faculties are 
 not entirely masters of themselves, and she understands well 
 that the greater part of her attention is occupied elsewhere. 
 It is just as if we were speaking with some one, and that at 
 the same time Some other person were speaking with us, in 
 such a manner, that neither to the one, nor to the other were 
 we entirely attentive. It is a something which is perceived 
 very clearly, and gives great satisfaction and content when¬ 
 ever it happens ; it serves also as a very excellent preparation, 
 in order that when the soul is in solitude, and free from 
 business, she may enjoy perfect quiet and repose. It is a 
 state of being, as if a person were so satisfied in himself 
 that he would have no necessity at all to eat, but felt his 
 stomach content in such a manner that he would not taste of 
 every kind of food; and yet if he saw any food which he 
 liked, he would not forbear to eat of it. Thus the soul does 
 not satisfy herself, nor is she content to feed on the meat of 
 this world, because she finds in herself that which satisfies 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 157 
 
 her, viz., the greater pleasure she feels in God, and the 
 desires she has of satisfying her wish, of enjoying His 
 presence more and more. 
 
 There is also another kind of union, which is not so entire, 
 though it be greater than that of which I was speaking before, 
 but not altogether so great as that of this Third Water. 
 Your Reverence will be very glad to find it written thus— 
 (should our Lord bestow them all upon you, if you have them 
 not already), and to understand what it is. It is one kind 
 of favor for our Lord to bestow the same favor, and another 
 to understand what grace and favor that is ; and another also 
 to be able to declare it and make it understood. And though 
 it may seem, that the first of these three is only necessary 
 for keeping the soul from being confused and fearful, and for 
 enabling her to go forward with more courage in the way 
 of our Lord, treading under her feet all things of this 
 world; yet it is a great advantage and favor to understand 
 it. It is proper, therefore, that both he who has it and he 
 who has it not, should greatly praise our Lord for it, because 
 His Majesty has been pleased to give it to some who are alive, 
 in order that He might do us good. Now, I often have 
 this kind of union whereof I am speaking ; and Almighty 
 God is very often pleased to bestow this favor upon me in 
 such a manner, that He makes my will and also my under¬ 
 standing re-collected; and then it no longer discourses, but 
 is occupied in the enjoyment of God, as one who is looking 
 on, and who sees so much, that he knows not which way to 
 look; for one thing instantly appears, which takes away the 
 sight of the other, and so nothing makes any impression. 
 
 The memory remains free, and so does the imagination 
 seem to do also : and when it sees itself alone, one cannot 
 conceive what a war it makes upon the will and the under¬ 
 standing, and how it endeavors to put everything in con¬ 
 fusion. It makes me quite tired, so that I abhor it; and 
 often have I besought our Lord to deprive me entirely of it 
 on these occasions, if it should continue thus to distract me. 
 Sometimes I say, “ When, 0 Lord, shall all the powers of 
 my soul be wholly united in singing Thy praises, and not be 
 any more divided, without being able to help herself?” 
 Here I see the evils which sin has brought upon us, since it- 
 14 
 
158 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 hinders us from doing what we would wish, which is to be 
 always occupied with God. I mention how this happens to 
 me sometimes—and even this very day I have had this 
 union, and therefore I remember it the better. My soul has 
 almost exhausted herself, in desiring to be wholly there, 
 where she finds herself for the most part to be already; and 
 yet this appears to be impossible, because both the memory 
 and the imagination make such war upon her, that they 
 allow her not to work. And though they are not able to 
 hurt her, because the other faculties are wanting, yet they 
 do enough by the disquiet they cause. Still I say they do 
 no harm, because they have no strength, nor do they fix 
 themselves in one state: and as the understanding does not 
 help the imagination in that which it represents, neither 
 much nor little, it cannot fix on anything, but goes from one 
 thing to another, just like those importunate and unquiet 
 little gnats which buzz about by night here and there. This 
 comparison seems to me to be extremely proper; for though 
 these faculties have no strength to do any harm, yet they 
 trouble those who feel them. Against this evil I know no 
 remedy, for hitherto God has not enabled me to find any 
 out 5 and if He had, I should have been glad to use it; for 
 it torments me very often, as I have said. But herein our 
 misery is made apparent, and the power of God also is very 
 evident, since this faculty which is disengaged, puts us to so 
 much trouble, and tires us, while the others which attend His 
 Majesty make us feel so much ease. The sole remedy which 
 I met with, after having wearied myself for many years, is 
 that of which I spoke in the Prayer of Quiet, viz., to con¬ 
 sider the memory no better than a madman, and to leave it 
 alone with its folly, for God only can check its extravagan¬ 
 cies. And since it remains as a slave to us, we must bear 
 with it patiently, just as Jacob did with Leah, for God be¬ 
 stows a favor upon us in allowing us to enjoy Rachel. I 
 said that it remains a slave, because it cannot attract to 
 itself the other powers, however much it may endeavor to do 
 so, while they, without any labor, often draw it to them¬ 
 selves. Sometimes our Lord is pleased to have pity, when 
 He sees the imagination so much disquieted and lost, through 
 her desire of being with the other faculties ; then His Majesty 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 159 
 
 consents that she should burn in that Divine fire which has 
 already consumed the others, in such a manner as almost to 
 change their nature, so as to make them capable of enjoying 
 such supernatural great blessings. 
 
 The joy and glory which the soul enjoys in the different 
 ways whereby she draws water from this Divine Fountain, 
 are so great, that even the body very clearly participates in 
 the joy and delight, and our virtues also increase greatly, as 
 I have mentioned. It seems, our Lord has been pleased I 
 should explain these degrees of prayer, in which the soul 
 sees herself more clearly than can be given her to under¬ 
 stand in this life. Your Reverence will do well to consult 
 on the subject with some spiritual and learned person, who 
 has arrived at this degree of prayer. And if he shall tell 
 you that you are going on well, believe that God has said 
 so to you, and consider it a great favor from His Majesty 3 
 because you will, in the course of time, rejoice very much, 
 as I have said, to understand what it is 3 though now, while 
 you have the means to enjoy it, he gives you not the grace 
 to understand it. But as His Majesty has given you the 
 first part, you will afterwards understand the rest by your 
 knowledge and learning. May He be praised forever and 
 ever. Amen. 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 THE SAINT SPEAKS ON THE FOURTH DEGREE OF PRAYER. 
 
 May our Lord teach me some words, whereby I may be 
 able to say something on the fourth method of drawing 
 water. I have great need of His assistance, even more than 
 I had when speaking of the last degree; for there the soul 
 finds that she is not entirely dead to the world 3 and we may 
 say so with truth, because she is still in the world. But, as 
 I have said, she has sufficient understanding to know she is 
 in it, and to feel her solitude; and she makes use of exterior 
 signs to make what she feels understood. In all the pre¬ 
 ceding kinds of prayer which I have described, the gardener 
 
160 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 labors a little; though yet in this latter kind of prayer, his 
 labor is accompanied with so much joy and consolation to the 
 soul, that he would be glad were it never to end ; and thus 
 he finds no trouble at all, but rather a subject of glory. In 
 this fourth degree there is no suffering, but only enjoying, 
 though yet without understanding what is enjoyed. He 
 knows, however, that a certain good is possessed, in which 
 all blessings are comprised : but this good is not compre¬ 
 hended by him. All the senses are occupied with this joy 
 in such a manner, that they cannot apply themselves to any¬ 
 thing else, either interiorly or exteriorly. Before (as I have 
 mentioned), a certain liberty was given to them, in order 
 that they might show some signs of the great joy they felt; 
 but here the soul enjoys much more, beyond comparison, and 
 can make herself understood much less, because both the 
 body and the soul are incapable of communicating that joy : 
 everything would then be an embarrassment, torment, and 
 an obstacle to the repose of the soul. I say, that if there 
 should be a union of all the powers, she cannot, even if she 
 wished, coinrni nicate the joy she feels; and if she could, 
 there -would not be a union. How what is called “ union” 
 happens, and what it is, I am not able to explain. It is ex¬ 
 plained in “ Mystical theology,” of the terms of which I am 
 ignorant: neither do I know what is meant by the “ mind,” 
 nor the difference between mind and soul; nor what is a 
 “ spirit:” all these seem to be one and the same thing to 
 me; though sometimes the soul herself springs out, like a 
 fire which is burning, and has burned into a flame; and 
 sometimes this fire increases with a certain impetuosity, and 
 the flame rises much higher than the fire : but, notwithstand¬ 
 ing this, it is not anything different from the fire, but it is 
 the flame itself which is in the fire. Your Reverence will 
 understand this subject by your learning; I know not how 
 to explain it better. 
 
 I wish to mention what the soul feels when she is in this 
 divine union. Every one knows what is meant by a union, 
 viz., when two things, which before were separated, become 
 one. 0 my Lord ! how good art Thou ! Blessed be Thou 
 forever! May all creatures praise Thee, 0 my God! who 
 hast loved us in such a manner, that we are able to speak with 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 161 
 
 truth respecting this communication, which Thou holdest 
 with souls, even in this land of exile; and however good 
 they may be, still Thy liberality and magnificence are great 
 in treating with them: in fine, 0 my Lord! it is Thine own 
 greatness which gives these favors, considering who Thou 
 art. 0! infinite Bounty, how magnificent are Thy works ! 
 Bo they not amaze those who have not their understanding 
 so occupied with the things of this world, as to allow them 
 time to hear and understand the truth ? Why shouldst Thou 
 bestow such supernatural favors on souls who have so often 
 offended Thee ? This consideration does certainly surpass 
 my understanding 5 and the more I consider it, the more I 
 am unable to pass on further. Where can one go without 
 being obliged to return back, since I know not how to re¬ 
 turn Thee thanks for such immense favors ? J help myself 
 sometimes by speaking foolish things ; and it often happens, 
 both after I have received these favors and when our Lord 
 is beginning to bestow them (I have already mentioned how 
 at the very time I am enjoying them, I have no power to do 
 anything), that I thus address Him: (i 0 Lord! consider 
 what Thou art doing: do not forget so quickly my very 
 grievous sins; and though Thou hast forgotten them so far 
 as to pardon them, yet remember them, I beseech Thee, so 
 as to put some limit to Thy favors. Bo not place so precious 
 a liquor in so broken a vessel, 0 my Creator! since Thou 
 hast already seen how often I have spilt it. Commit not 
 such a precious treasure to one in whom a desire for the con¬ 
 solations of this life has not yet been totally extinguished, 
 as it ought to be : if Thou shouldst commit it, it will be’ 
 utterly lost. How canst Thou commit the strength of this 
 city, and the keys of the fortress, to a cowardly commander, 
 who, on the first attack of the enemy, is sure to Lt them 
 enter ? 0! my Eternal King! let not Thy love of me be 
 
 so great, as that it should make Thee expose such precious 
 jewels as thege to danger. It seems to me, 0 my Lord! 
 that Thou mayest give the world occasion hereby to under¬ 
 value these great favors of Thine, since Thou dost place 
 them in the hands of a creature so base, so weak, so mise¬ 
 rable, and of such little worth as I am. And though I now 
 begin to labor, that I may not lose them, through Thy assist- 
 
 S 
 
162 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 ance (and I have need of no little, considering who I am), 
 yet I shall not be able, by means thereof, to gain any one 
 else to Thee: in a word, I am a woman, and not a good one, 
 but very wicked. It seems that these Thy talents are thus 
 not only hidden, but even quite buried, by being put in so 
 ungrateful a soil. Thou art not accustomed, 0 Lord! to 
 impart such favors and dignities to a soul, but only with a 
 view that she may profit many others. Thou knowest, 0 
 Lord! that sometimes I have begged this favor, and still 
 beg it of Thee, with my whole heart and affection ; and I 
 consider it fit to be content to lose the highest blessing 
 which can be enjoyed upon earth, in order that Thou mayst 
 be pleased to grant it to some other, who will profit more by 
 it to Thine own greater glory.” These and other such mat¬ 
 ters I have often thought of mentioning; but I afterwards 
 saw my ignorance, and the little humility I possessed, for 
 our Lord knows well what is proper for every one, and that 
 my soul would not have had sufficient strength to save 
 herself, unless His Majesty had bestowed on her so many 
 favors. 
 
 I also wish to declare the graces and effects which remain 
 in the soul by this prayer, and what she can do of herself, 
 or if she can in any way be instrumental in bringing herself 
 to so high a state. This elevation of the spirit or union 
 comes with a celestial love ; in my opinion, this union is dif¬ 
 ferent from elevation, though yet the soul is elevated in this 
 same union. Whoever has not experienced this last will be 
 of a different opinion ; but yet, even though they should both 
 be the same, our Lord works differently therein; and by the 
 increase which the soul receives of disengaging herself from 
 all creatures, she seems much greater by that elevation. I 
 have seen clearly that this is a particular favor, although (as 
 I have said) they may both be the same, or at least may 
 seem so. But a small fire is as truly a fire as a great one, 
 and yet we see there is a difference between, one and the 
 other. In a small fire it takes a long time before a small 
 piece of iron can be made hot; but if the fire be great, the 
 iron, though it may also be great, will soon lose the appear¬ 
 ance of iron ; just so does it seem to me, in these two kinds 
 of favors from our Lord. I know that whoever shall hav« 
 
163 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 arrived at these raptures will understand me well; hut he 
 who has had no experience therein, will consider what I say 
 to be foolish : and it may be so, for how shall such a creature 
 as I ain presume to speak on such a subject, and to make 
 that understood which it seems impossible to think of de¬ 
 claring even by words'? It is not strange, then, if I speak 
 foolish things. 
 
 But I believe this of our Lord (for His Majesty knows 
 that, next to obedience, my intention is no other than to 
 make souls desirous of obtaining so high a blessing), that 
 He will assist me herein. I shall say nothing of which I 
 have not had much experience. It is quite true that when I 
 began to write on this last degree, I' thought it would be 
 more impossible for me to treat about it, than to speak Greek, 
 so very difficult did I find it: upon this I gave up writing, 
 and went to communion. Oh ! virtue of obedience ! which 
 art able to do all things : ‘may our Lord be praised, who 
 thus favors the ignorant. Oh, virtue of obedience! which 
 art able to do all things: God enlightened my understand¬ 
 ing, sometimes furnishing me with the words I was to use, 
 and at other times by representing to me the manner in 
 which I should express myself: what His Majesty was pleased 
 to do in the former degree of prayer, so it seems that here 
 also He wishes to declare what I myself am not able to ex¬ 
 press, nor do I know how. What I say is perfectly true, so 
 that whatever is good comes from His teaching; and what 
 is bad, comes from that sea of misery and sin, which is 
 myself. 
 
 But if there be any persons (and there may be many) 
 who have arrived at these degrees of prayer with which our 
 Lord has favored me, though so miserable a creature, and 
 should they wish to speak on these matters with me, think¬ 
 ing they may perhaps have wandered out of the true road, I 
 trust our Lord will so help His servant that she may go for¬ 
 ward and declare the truth. 
 
 I now wish to speak of that water which comes from heaven 
 in such abundance, as completely and entirely to water this 
 garden : if our Lord never failed to give this water when¬ 
 ever there was any want of it, it is evident what ease the 
 gardener would enjoy! There would be no winter, but 
 
164 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 always the weather would be temperate, and flowers and 
 fruit would never bo Wanting: then might be seen what de¬ 
 light the gardener would enjoy ! But as long as we live in 
 this world, such a state is impossible; and we must always 
 take care, whenever we are in want of one of the waters, to 
 procure the other. Sometimes this water falls from heaven 
 when the gardener thinks least of it. True it is, the water 
 comes almost always after a long exercise of mental prayer; 
 and by degrees our Lord catches this little bird, and places 
 it in a nest, there to repose. And when He has seen it fly¬ 
 ing for a long time, that is, the soul endeavoring to seek 
 God, and to please Him by her understanding, her will, and 
 all her strength, then He is pleased to reward her even in 
 this life. And how great is the reward He gives ! One mo¬ 
 ment’s enjoyment thereof is sufficient tQ repay all the trials 
 and afflictions we can endure in this life. 
 
 1 he soul thus going in search of God, finds herself almost 
 sinking under a sweet and most excessive delight, accompa¬ 
 nied with a kind of fainting, so that the breath begins to 
 fail, and also all corporeal strength, not indeed attended 
 with great pain, but in such a manner that even the hands 
 cannot be moved; the eyes are closed without our having 
 any desire to close them ; and when they are open, the soul 
 sees nothing distinctly: if she can read, she is unable to tell 
 a letter, and she knows not how to pronounce it properly. 
 She sees indeed there are letters, but as the understanding 
 does not help her, she knows not how to read, though she 
 should desire. She hears, but understands not what she 
 hears. Thus she receives no benefit at all from her senses, 
 but only that they will not allow her to take the full enjoy¬ 
 ment of her pleasure ; and accordingly they do her more 
 harm than good. As to speaking, it is useless to attempt it, 
 for she cannot form any words; and even if she could, she 
 has no strength to pronounce them; because all her bodily 
 strength is gone, while that of the soul is increased, that so 
 she may the better enjoy her glory. The exterior delight 
 which she feels is both very great and very evident. This 
 prayer, however long it may last, produces no inconvenience, 
 at- least I feel none; nor do I remember when our Lord be¬ 
 stowed this favor on me, however ill I might be, that I ever 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 165 
 
 found myself worse : I was, on the other hand, much better. 
 But what harm can so great a blessing do ? Its effects are 
 so manifest, that one cannot doubt it augments the vigor of 
 the soul, since our Lord took away all her bodily strength, 
 though attended with such great delight, in order to leave 
 her still greater strength. 
 
 It is true that in the beginning this feeling passes away in 
 a short time, at least it happened so to me neither can it he 
 known by these exterior signs, nor by the absence of our 
 senses, since this prayer passes quickly away. But still it is 
 easily discerned by the excess of the favors received, for the 
 heat of the sun must have been great there, since it melted 
 every obstacle. 
 
 This point should, in my opinion, be noticed, viz., that 
 however long the time may seem to be in which all the 
 powers of the soul are suspended, it is in reality short: if it 
 should continue for half an hour, that would be very long; 
 for my part I think I was never so long. It is true one can 
 hardly judge how long the time is, since the person has no 
 outward sense: but it must be a very short time, in which 
 some of the powers will not return again to themselves. 
 The will is the only power which carries on the work; the 
 other two quickly become importunate; hut as the will 
 remains quiet, she suspends them again, and then they 
 remain another little while, and live again. In this manner 
 some hours may be passed in prayer, as in reality they are ; 
 for wher the two powers have begun to taste this celestial 
 wine, and to he inebriated therewith, they easily lose them¬ 
 selves again, that so they may gain the more* and as they 
 accompany the will all three enjoy themselves together. But 
 the period during which they remain entirely lost is very 
 short; and there is no imagination at all; for, in my opinion, 
 this power is also entirely lost, though they do not so entirely 
 return to themselves, without remaining for some hours, as it 
 were, stupid; hut God recollects them, and brings them 
 hack by little and little to Himself. 
 
 We now come to the interior of what the soul then feels ; 
 let him declare it who knows it, for it cannot he understood, 
 and much less expressed. I was thinking (when I wished to 
 write these remarks, after having communicated, and having 
 
166 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 been engaged in this very prayer on which I am now writing) 
 on what the soul did at that time. Our Lord addressed 
 these words to me : “ She forgets herself entirely, in order 
 to give herself more to Me ; it is not she who now lives, but 
 I who live in her : and this is so incomprehensible, that all 
 she can comprehend is,—that she comprehends nothing.” 
 
 He who has proved these words by experience will be able 
 to understand something of them, for I cannot speak more 
 clearly, since what happens here is so very obscure. I can 
 only say, that their being united with God is represented to 
 them: and they are so certain thereof that they cannot 
 possibly help believing it. Here all the powers of the soul 
 cease operating, and are suspended in such a manner that in 
 no way can it be understood (as I have mentioned)—that 
 they work. If the soul were thinking of some mystery, it 
 is instantly forgotten, as if there had never been any such 
 thought; if she were reading, she has no remembrance of 
 what she read, nor of what she was meditating on, and so of 
 praying vocally in like manner. Tlius, this importunate little 
 gnat of the memory has her wings burnt here, so that she 
 can no longer move from place to place. The will, however, 
 is entirely occupied in loving, though it understands not how 
 it loves. It is not known how the understanding under¬ 
 stands - if it understands at all, at least it can comprehend 
 nothing of that which it understands. To me it appears not 
 to understand, because (as I was saying) it is not understood; 
 and I have not yet been able to understand this myself. 
 
 At first I was in such great ignorance as not to know that 
 God was in all things ; and as He seemed to be so present to 
 me, it appeared impossible for me to believe otherwise. Not 
 to believe that He was there I was unable, because it seemed 
 almost certain that I understood Him to be present. Some 
 unlearned men told me that He was present only by His 
 grace; this I could not believe, because (as I have said) He 
 appeared to me to be present; and so I went on in trouble. 
 But, at length, a great and learned m^n, of the Order of the 
 glorious St. Dominic, freed me from this doubt, and told me, 
 that not only was our Lord present, but that He also com¬ 
 municated Himself to us : these words comforted me much, 
 We must take notice and understand that this celestial water 
 
LICE OF ST. TERESA 1 . 
 
 167 
 
 is always to be considered as a most eminent favor from our 
 Lord, for it endows the soul with most precious advantages, 
 as I shall now mention. 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 THE SAINT BEGINS TO DECLARE THE EFFECTS WHICH THIS DEGREE OP 
 PRAYER PRODUCES IN THE SOUL, ETC. 
 
 In this prayer and union the soul is filled with so great 
 tenderness as to be willing to dissolve herself, not through 
 the pain she feels, but by the tears of joy wherewith she is 
 bathed, without knowing how or when she shed them. But 
 it gives her great delight to find this impetuosity of the fire 
 allayed by water, which, however, makes it increase the more. 
 This language may seem to be so much “ gibberish; ” but 
 so it is. 
 
 In this degree of prayer I have sometimes happened to be 
 so entirely out of myself, that I knew not whether I were 
 awake or asleep, or whether in truth I had been* in the glory 
 which I felt. I saw myself so bathed in the water, which 
 came from my eyes with such force and speed, that it seemed 
 as if it were poured down from some cloud in the heavens. 
 1 found that it was no dream 5 and this happened at the 
 beginning of this prayer, but it quickly passed away. The 
 soul, however, remains so courageous, that if she could then 
 be cut to pieces for God’s sake, it would be a great consola¬ 
 tion to her. There are excited and renewed all her promises ; 
 her heroic resolutions, the lively efficacy of her desires; her 
 abhorrence of the world ; her very clearly seeing her own 
 vanity ; and all this is observed much more perfectly and 
 deeply than it was in her former prayers. Her humility 
 becomes much stronger, because now she sees clearly that it 
 was no diligence of hers which jirocured her this excessive 
 and incomparable favor, nor was her diligence in any way 
 instrumental in making her enjoy this favor ; she sees clearly 
 that she is a most unworthy wretch, for if a clear beam of 
 the sun should enter any room, the smallest cobweb cannot be 
 concealed; she sees her misery. She is also so free from 
 
168 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 vain-glory, that it seems impossible for her to entertain it, 
 because she has now before her eyes how little she is able to 
 perform, or rather that it is nothing at all; and, also, that 
 there was hardly so much as any consent of hers, but that it 
 seems, whether she would or not, the gates of all her senses 
 were shut up, in order that she might the better enjoy her 
 Lord • and as she remains alone with Him, what has she to 
 do but to love Him? She neither can see nor hear, unkss 
 she be forced, and therefore there is little for which to thank 
 her. Her former life is then represented to her with perfect 
 truth, and also the great mercy of God. All this happens 
 without the understanding being obliged to go in search of 
 it, and there she sees ready prepared what she is to eat and 
 understand. She sees also that of herself she deserves hell, 
 and that instead thereof she receives glory, and not punish¬ 
 ment. Hence she consumes herself in the praises of Hod, 
 and I should be glad to do the same now. Blessed he 
 Thou, 0 mv Lord! who having found me to be such impure 
 water, hast vouchsafed to purify it in suchamanncrthatit 
 mav be in some measure not unworthy of Thy table. Be 
 Thou praised, O Joy of Angels! who hast been pleased to 
 
 exalt so base a worm.” . , . , 
 
 This profit the soul retains for some time, and she already 
 
 clearly understands thai the fruit is not of her own growth; 
 she begins to give part of it to others, without feeling any 
 want of it herself. She begins also to give signs of being 
 a soul that guards heavenly treasures, and she is desirous ot 
 making others partake of them, beseeching God that she 
 alone .nay not be rich. She begins to do good to her 
 neighbors, almost without understanding it, or doing an)-thing 
 herself; but they who receive the benefit understand it well, 
 because the flowers already yield so great a scent, that ey 
 make every one desirous of coming to them. People 
 she has great virtues, and that the fruit ,s tempting, and 
 they would be glad to help her to eat it. If the earth of 
 this garden (the soul) be cultivated, by labors, and persecu¬ 
 tions? and detractions, and sicknesses (and there are few who 
 arrive so far without these things), and if it be lo o s ™ e d fr °“ 
 all self-interest, the water sinks so very deep that the soil 
 will scarce ever be dry. But if the soul have as many thorns 
 
as I had in the beginning,—if she do not avoid all the 
 occasions of sin, and if she neglect to acknowledge her obli¬ 
 gations to God for so great a favor, she soon again becomes 
 dry. And if the gardener should grow negligent, and our 
 Lord, through His sole goodness should not be willing to 
 give the garden rain, you may give it up as ruined and 
 destroyed. So did it happen to me several times; and truly 
 it amazes me to reflect upon it; if I had not experienced it, 
 I could not have believed it. I write thus for the comfort 
 of such souls as are weak, like mine, that so they may never 
 despair, nor once desist from confiding in the greatness of God, 
 even though they should fall, after having been loaded with 
 such favors as are here mentioned. They must not despair, 
 unless they wish to be totally lost: tears gain everything: 
 one brings another. 
 
 One of the reasons by which I have been animated (con¬ 
 sidering the wretched creature I am) to write this discourse 
 by obedience, and to give an account of my wicked life, and 
 of the favors our Lord had bestowed upon me (and these, 
 not while I was serving, but offending Him), has been this:— 
 I wish I were some person of great authority, that so men 
 might believe me the more in this respect. I entreat our 
 Lord that His Majesty may bestow the favor upon me. I 
 say, that no one of those who have begun to use mental 
 prayer should be dismayed by saying, u If I became wicked 
 again, it would be worse for me to go on with the exercise of 
 prayer.” I believe this, if he should omit prayer, and not 
 correct his life. But if he should not give up prayer, he 
 may be confident it will lead him to the port of life. The 
 devil made so fierce an attack upon me in this point, and I 
 passed so long without prayer (thinking that, being so wicked 
 as I was, it would be an act of greater humility to omit), I 
 gave it over for about a year and a half, or for a year at least, 
 for the half-year I do not remember so well. This was 
 nothing more than making myself fall into hell, without need¬ 
 ing any devils for this purpose. 0 my God, what great 
 blindness ! And how well the devil succeeds in his purpose, 
 by laying so heavy a load upon us herein! The traitor 
 knows that he has lost the soul which perseveres in prayer, 
 and that all those falls which he causes us to make, will bi?* 
 15 
 
170 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 assist us, through the goodness of God, to make us after¬ 
 wards advance more quickly in His service ; the devil knows 
 all this. 
 
 0 my Jesus! w T hat a thing it is to see a soul who has 
 arrived at this state fallen into sin ! In Thy mercy Thou 
 dost lend her Thy hand to rise again : then will she know 
 the multitude of Thy greatnesses and mercies, and her own 
 misery. Then she comes to annihilate herself in earnest, 
 and to understand Thy greatness : here she presumes not 
 to raise up her eyes to heaven, though yet she raises her 
 thoughts to consider and understand her obligations to Him. 
 Here she becomes devoted to the Queen of Heaven, that she 
 by her prayers may appease Thee. Here she invokes those 
 saints who fell, after Thou didst once call them to Thy 
 service, in order that they may assist her. Here she believes, 
 that whatever crosses Thou dost send, they are all too light, 
 because she sees she does not deserve the very ground on 
 which she stands. Here she has recourse to the Sacraments, 
 and to that lively faith which remains in her, from seeing the 
 great efficacy God has given them. She praises Thee for 
 having left such ointments and medicine for the cure of our 
 wounds; and these not only close them, but heal them 
 entirely : at all this she is amazed. And who, 0 Lord of 
 my soul! ought not to be amazed at so great mercy and in¬ 
 creased favors, in spite of treasons which are so foul and 
 abominable, that I wonder how my heart does not break 
 when I write these things, because I am a wicked wretch. 
 And yet it seems as if I wished to make Thee some kind of 
 satisfaction for so many treasons, by shedding these few poor 
 tears, given by Thee, and which, as far as concerns me, are 
 but so much water drawn from a muddy well. Still, I am 
 always committing evil, and endeavoring to frustrate the 
 favors which Thou hast done me. Be pleased, 0 my Lord, 
 to give value to my tears. Make these tears, 0 Lord, 
 acceptable to Thee : purify the troubled water of my soul, 
 that so no temptation may be given to any one, of forming 
 rash judgments, as was the case with me ; for I often thought, 
 why Thou dost pass over, 0 Lord, other very holy people, 
 who have always served Thee and suffered for Thee, and 
 have been brought up in religion, and who are indeed truly 
 
 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 171 
 
 religious ; and not like me, who had nothing more than the 
 name : and yet I see clearly Thou hast not shown such favors 
 to them as Thou hast to me. But I know well, 0 my 
 Eternal God ! Thou keepest their reward in store, that Thou 
 mayest give it to them altogether, and that my weakness 
 requires such treatment. But those others, like valiant men, 
 serve Thee without it, and so Thou treatest them as Thou 
 wouldst people strong in courage who have no interest of 
 their own. 
 
 But notwithstanding all this, Thou knowest, 0 Lord, that 
 often I cried out before Thee, excusing those persons who 
 spoke against me, because I thought they had too much 
 reason for what they said. But this happened, 0 Lord ! 
 when already, through Thy goodness, Thou hadst prevented 
 me from offending Thee so much 3 and when I was already 
 endeavoring to avoid whatever might offend Thee. And 
 when I began to do this, Thou, 0 Lord! didst begin to open 
 Thy treasures to this Thy servant. And it seems Thou didst 
 expect nothing more, than that I might be inclined and pre¬ 
 pared to receive them 3 so quickly didst Thou begin, not 
 only to bestow them, but to wish that men should know Thou 
 hadst given them. 
 
 And when this was known, some began to have a good 
 opinion of me, though all were not aware how wicked I was: 
 still a great deal of my wickedness transpired. Then men 
 began, all at once, to calumniate me, and persecute me 3 and, 
 in my opinion, not without great cause. But still, I enter¬ 
 tained no enmity against any one, but only besought Thee to 
 consider what reasons they had. They said that I wished to 
 pass for a saint, and that I invented certain novelties, though 
 I was not then able, by a great deal, even. to fulfil all the 
 duties of my rule 3 nor had I overtaken, in the way of virtue, 
 those most pious and religious nuns who were in the monas¬ 
 tery. And I think I shall never be able to arrive thereto, 
 unless God in Ilis goodness be pleased to perform everything 
 on His side 3 rather was 1 inclined to do away with every¬ 
 thing which was good, and to establish certain customs which 
 were not good : at least, I did what I could to introduce 
 them; and in doing evil I always had power enough : and 
 thus men blamed me without any fault of theirs. I do not 
 
172 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 say that they were nuns only; other persons also told me 
 truths, because Thou didst permit them. 
 
 When once I was saying my office, and came to this verse, 
 “ Thou art just, 0 Lord! and Thy judgments are right,” 
 as I was sometimes subject* to this temptation, I began to 
 consider how true these words were. In this respect, the 
 devil never had any power to tempt me so far, as to make me 
 doubt but that Thou, 0 Lord! art the author of all goodness ; 
 nor could he prevail over me in anything relating to Faith : 
 rather did it seem to me, that the more the articles of 
 faith were above nature, the more firmly did I believe them, and 
 the more devotion they excited within me. And as Thou 
 art omnipotent, all the manifestations of Thy greatness 
 which Thou mightest display, I resolved upon to ex¬ 
 ecute; and of this (as I have said) I had no doubt. 
 And when I was afterwards considering how, since Thou 
 art just, Thou couldst permit so many dear servants of 
 Thine to he without having received those favors and 
 caresses which Thou didst bestow upon me, Thou didst 
 return this answer: “ Serve Me, and do not trouble 
 thyself about anything else.” These were the first words 
 which I heard You speak to me, and therefore I was 
 greatly astonished thereat. I will afterwards declare this 
 manner of hearing and understand things, together with 
 other matters. I do not wish to speak of them here, for 
 they would be out of place, and I think I have wandered 
 from my subject already: indeed, I scarcely know what I 
 have said. But it cannot be otherwise, and your Reverence 
 must bear with these interruptions ; for when I consider how 
 much God has endured from me, and when 1 see myself in 
 this state, it will not be strange if I lose the thread of what 
 I say, and of what I intend saying. 
 
 May our Lord grant that all my wanderings may be of 
 this kind; and may His Majesty never permit me to wander 
 a hair’s breadth from Him; rather may I be consumed, even 
 at this very moment. It is sufficient to consider his great 
 mercies towards me, by which He has pardoned my base in¬ 
 gratitude, not once, but many times. He pardoned Peter 
 once, but me He pardoned often : and hence, with reason 
 did the devil tempt me, hoping that I would not pretend to 
 
LIFE- OF ST. TERESA. 173 
 
 iiold any close friendship with One to whom I had been so 
 public an enemy. How great was this blindness of mine ! 
 And where could I think, 0 my Lord! of finding any 
 remedy, but in Thee ? What folly was it to fly from the 
 light, and to go on forever stumbling in the dark! What 
 an arrogant humility was it which the devil invented for me, 
 by persuading me no longer to support myself against that 
 pillar and staff which could prevent my fall from being so 
 great! I am now at this moment blessing myself, for I 
 think I never escaped so imminent a danger as this deceit 
 which the devil taught me by the way of humility. He 
 made me think it would be impossible that so wretched a 
 creature as I am, and who had received such great favors 
 from God, should ever be able to arrive at mental prayer; 
 that it would be sufficient if I said those vocal prayers to 
 which I was bound, like all the others did 3 but that now, 
 since I did not perform even these prayers well, w r hy should 
 I wish to do more ? This would imply little reverence for 
 God, and it would be undervaluing his favors. It was pro¬ 
 fitable to think and to know all this 3 but to put it in execu¬ 
 tion would have been a very great evil. Be thou blessed, 
 O Lord! who didst supply me with a remedy! for this 
 temptation seems to have been nothing less than the begin¬ 
 ning of that which the devil brought upon Judas 3 but the 
 traitor did not dare to attack me so openly as he did Judas: 
 he approached by little and little, just as he attacked him. 
 
 Let all those who use mental prayer consider this well, 
 for the love of God. Let them know that during the time 
 I omitted using it, my life was much worse. Behold, what a 
 fine remedy the devil gave me, and what admirable humility 
 that was which produced in my soul only trouble and un¬ 
 easiness ! But how, indeed, could my soul find repose J The 
 wretched creature abandoned her true repose : she remem¬ 
 bered her favors and graces, and she found that the plea¬ 
 sures of this world were loathsome. I wonder how I could 
 have remained so long in this state. It was with the hope 
 that I might remain very free from sin 3 for as far as I re¬ 
 member (though it is now more than twenty-one years), I 
 was always resolved to return to mental prayer. But oh! 
 how ill-grounded was my hope But though I afterwards 
 15 * 
 
174 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 gave myself to prayer and reading (which were capable of 
 making me see the truth, and of discovering to me the evil 
 course I was holding), and though I often prayed to our 
 Lord with many tears, yet ■ I was so very wicked and 
 wretched, that I knew not how to help myself: and as more¬ 
 over I began to omit these good practices, and to employ 
 myself in idle pastimes, and to expose myself to many occa¬ 
 sions of sin, having at the same time but very few helps (or 
 rather, I should say, none at all), what else could I expect 
 but to lose my soul ? I believe that a certain religious, of 
 the .order of St. Dominic, a very learned man, had much 
 merit before God; for he it was who roused me from my 
 lethargy. He made me (as I think I have already men¬ 
 tioned) receive the Blessed Sacrament every fortnight; and 
 my misery being then not so great, I began to return to my¬ 
 self again, though I still committed some offences against 
 our Lord. But because I had not lost my way, I still went 
 on falling and rising by little and little. But he who per¬ 
 severes in going forward, will at length arrive at the end of 
 his journey, though perhaps late. To me it seems one and 
 the same thing for a soul to lose her way and to leave off 
 her prayer: may our Lord deliver us from this evil, for His 
 mercy’s sake. 
 
 The conclusion to be drawn from what I have said (and 
 I desire it may be well attended to, for the love of our 
 Lord,) is this : that though a soul may arrive at such a de¬ 
 gree as to induce our Lord to bestow many favors upon her 
 in prayer, yet she must not place any confidence in herself, 
 since she may fall; nor must she on any account expose 
 herself to occasions of sin. Let her consider this well; for 
 the deceit which the devil may employ afterwards is very 
 great; and though the favors received might most certainly 
 be from God, yet the traitor will not fail to take advantage 
 of these favors in whatever way he can, especially against 
 persons who are not strong in virtue and mortification, nor 
 entirely disengaged from this world ; such should remember, 
 that they are not, by means of this prayer, sufficiently forti¬ 
 fied (as I shall afterwards declare,) if they should place 
 themselves in dangerous occasions, however strong their de¬ 
 sires and resolutions may be. This is excellent doctrine; 
 
175 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 and it is not mine, but taught by God himself; and so I 
 shall be glad if all ignorant persons, like myself, would 
 learn it, because though a soul may have arrived at this de¬ 
 gree of prayer, she must never trust herself so far as to go 
 forth to the combat; she will do enough if she can defend 
 herself. In this state it will be necessary for her to use arms, 
 to defend herself against the devils, for as yet she has not 
 strength enough to attack them, and much less to tread them 
 under her feet, as those persons will be able to do who shall 
 have arrived at that state of which I shall afterwards speak. 
 This is a deceit of the devil, by which he imposes upon us, 
 viz., that when once he sees a soul has arrived so near to 
 God as to see what a difference there is between the joys of 
 this life and the next, and to know what love our Lord shows 
 to her, from this very love he makes such a confidence and 
 security to arise, as if she would never fall away from "what 
 she is enjoying. She also appears to see her reward so 
 clearly, that she is easily induced to consider it impossible 
 for her to leave that which, even in this life, is so pleasant 
 and delightful, for the pleasures of this world, which are so 
 base and insignificant. By this confidence the devil deprives 
 her of that distrust she ought to have in her own strength ; 
 and thus (as I was saying) she exposes herself to danger, 
 and begins with great zeal to give away to others, without 
 any rule or measure, the fruit of her garden, thinking she 
 has no longer any reason to be afraid of herself. And she 
 imagines this is not done through pride (for the soul knows 
 well,she can do nothing of herself) but through the great 
 confidence she has in God. But all this is done without 
 discretion, because she does not consider that she has as yet 
 hardly any feathers: she may indeed get out of the nest, 
 and God himself takes her out; but she cannot fly, because 
 her virtues are not yet strong enough ; neither has she suffi¬ 
 cient experience to know her dangers, nor is she aware of the 
 evil which arises from putting confidence in herself. 
 
 This is what ruined me; and hence a director and con¬ 
 versation with spiritual persons are very necessary for this 
 and other objects. I am fully persuaded that when God once 
 brings a soul to this state, He will continue to caress her, 
 and not suffer her to perish, if she do not entirely forsake 
 
176 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 Him. But if she should fall, let her consider, and consider 
 again, for the love of God, lest the devil should deceive her, 
 by inducing her to omit mental prayer, as he induced me' 
 under a false humility : this I have already mentioned, and 
 I wish to mention it very often. But let her trust in the 
 goodness of God, which is greater than all the sins we can 
 commit; and let her hope that He will not remember our in¬ 
 gratitude, when knowing ourselves we wish to return to His 
 friendship again, nor the favors He has bestowed upon us, 
 so as to make us be punished for them ; but that rather they 
 will obtain pardon for us so much the sooner, as for persons 
 who have belonged to His house, and have eaten of His 
 bread, as the saying is, let them remember His words, and 
 consider how He has proceeded with me ; for I grew tired 
 with offending His Majesty, before He grew tired with par¬ 
 doning me. Never does he grow weary in giving; never 
 can His mercies be dried up ; and so let us never grow weary 
 of receiving His favors. May He be blessed forever, Amen. 
 May all creatures praise Him. 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 THE SAINT TREATS OP THE DIFFERENCE WHICH EXISTS BETWEEN 
 
 UNION AND RAPTURE, ETC. 
 
 I should be glad to know how to explain, by the Divine 
 assistance, the difference there is between union and rapture, 
 or, as it is called, elevation of the soul, for these mean one 
 and the same thing. It is also called an “ Ecstasy :” the 
 names are different, but they signify one and the same thing. 
 The advantage arising from “ Rapture” is very great. The 
 effects, likewise, as well as many other operations.which it 
 produces, are much greater, for u Union” seems to be the 
 same both in the beginning, in the middle, and in the end, 
 and it takes place in the interior. 
 
 But as a <£ Rapture” is an elevation of the soul in a much 
 higher degree, it produces effects both interior and exterior. 
 May our Lord enable me to explain this part of the subject, 
 as He has assisted me in the rest; for, certainly, if His 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 177 
 
 Majesty had not made me understand, by what means and 
 in what manner it might be done, I should not have been 
 able to say anything. 
 
 Let us now consider that this last water (of which I have 
 been speaking) is so very plentiful and abundant, that if we 
 were capable of receiving it, we should believe the cloud of 
 that divine Majesty were with us, which w r aters our souls 
 here upon earth. And thus, when we are grateful to our 
 Lord for this great blessing, and acknowledge our gratitude 
 by our good works, according to our strength, our Lord 
 al tracts that soul, just in the same way as the clouds at¬ 
 tract the vapors from the earth, and mount up towards 
 heaven : and so He takes the soul along with Him himself, 
 and begins to show her the riches of that kingdom which He 
 has prepared for her. I know not if the comparison be just 
 and suitable, but this happens truly and really. In these 
 raptures, it seems as if the soul did not animate the body: it 
 feels very sensibly the want of natural heat, and becomes 
 cold, though possessing the greatest sweetness and delight. 
 
 Here there is no means of resisting, though in “ Union” 
 (being then in our own country) there is a remedy; and so 
 we may almost always resist, though not without pain and 
 using some violence. But here, for the most part, there is 
 no remedy at all; for very often the rapture happens with¬ 
 out our thinking of it, or employing any means of bringing 
 it on : and then there comes such a quick and strong im¬ 
 petuosity, that you see and feel this cloud raising itself up, 
 or rather, this strong eagle carries you away between her 
 wings (and this is understood), for you know you are carried 
 away, though you know not whither, because though you 
 may feel delight, yet so great is the weakness of our nature 
 • that it makes us fear at first. Hence it will be necessary 
 for the soul to be much more determined and courageous 
 than she was when in the degree of union, in order to be 
 able to hazard everything, and to abandon herself entirely 
 into the hands of God, and willingly to go wheresoever she 
 shall be carried, though they will take her wdiether willing 
 • or no. Sometimes the rapture w r as so great that very, very 
 often I wished to resist, and employed all my strength for 
 this object (especially when the raptures happened in public, 
 
2 ZZEanJam -»• 
 
 — 
 
 178 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 and many other times also when they were private), fearing 
 lest I might be deluded. Sometimes I was able to make a 
 slight resistance, but it cost me great trouble ; for it seemed 
 like one fighting with a strong giant, so that afterwards I 
 found myself very tired: but at other times it was in.pos¬ 
 sible to resist, for my soul was carried quite away; and 
 generally even my head, and sometimes my whole body, were 
 raised from the ground. This last happened but seldom : it 
 happened once, however, when we were altogether in the 
 choir, and when I was on my knees (being then about to re¬ 
 ceive the Blessed Sacrament). I w T as exceedingly troubled 
 thereat; and as it seemed to me to be a very extraordinary 
 circumstance, and that great notice might be immediately 
 taken of it, I commanded the nuns not to speak of it; and 
 this I did because I then held the office of prioress. But, at 
 other times, when I began to see that our Lord was about to 
 do the same again (once in particular, during a sermon, be¬ 
 ing the feast of our patron, and in the presence of many 
 ladies of quality), I cast myself on the ground: and though 
 the Religious came and kept my body down, yet the rapture 
 was easily perceived. I accordingly besought our Lord that 
 He would no more grant me such favors as would bear ex¬ 
 terior demonstrations, because I was already very weary by 
 being so watchful over myself, and His Majesty could not 
 bestow such favors upon me without their being known. And 
 it seems that, through His goodness, He has heard my prayer, 
 for since that time 1 have had no raptures of the kind, though 
 it is not long since the last happened. 
 
 But when I wished to resist, there seemed to be some¬ 
 thing under my feet of such great strength, that 1 know not 
 what to compare it to *, and it came with much greater im¬ 
 petuosity than any other thing which I ever experienced in 
 my soul: hence I was torn, as it were, to pieces, because 
 the combat was terrible. In a word, all my resistance w 7 as 
 of little use, because -when our Lord wishes to do anything, 
 no power can stand against Him. At other times He is 
 pleased to content Himself with letting us see that He de¬ 
 sires to do us this favor, and that it Only remains for us to 
 receive it from His Majesty; and when we resist for the 
 sake of humility, the same effects follow, as if we had eu- 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 179 
 
 tirely consented. These effects are very great: first, the 
 great power of our Lord is made manifest thereby • 
 second, that when His Majesty wishes, we are as little able 
 to detain our bodies as our souls; that we are not masteis 
 of them, but that there is a Superior by whom all these 
 favors are given; and that, being nothing ourselves, we can 
 do nothing. These considerations fill us with deep humility . 
 arid I acknowledge that these raptures excited in me great 
 fear: and at the beginning I was extremely terrified to see 
 a body raised from the earth ; for though it is. the spirit 
 which draws it after her, and this with great feelings of de¬ 
 light if no resistance be made, yet we do not lose our senses; 
 at least, I had mine in such a manner that I was able to un¬ 
 derstand I had been raised up. There also appears so great 
 a majesty in Him who can do this, that it makes even the 
 hair of one’s head stand on end ; and there remains a great 
 fear of offending so mighty a Grod : this fear, however, is 
 accompanied by an exceeding great love, which the soul con¬ 
 ceives again for Him, who she sees bears so deep a love for 
 such a wretched worm ; for He seems not content with really 
 drawing the soul to Himself, but He wishes to draw the body 
 also, even when it is mortal and composed of such filthy 
 dust as we have made it by our sins. This also leaves in 
 the soul a particular disengagement from all things in the 
 world, but I cannot explain what it is. I think, however, I 
 may say, that it is not only in some degree a different, but 
 also a much greater kind of favor, than any of those other 
 things which act on the soul alone ; for though in those 
 other visitations, there is also, as far as relates to the soul, 
 a total disengagement from the things of this world, yet 
 here, it seems, our Lord is pleased, that even the body itself 
 should act in the same manner : it likewise excites such a new 
 aversion for the pleasures of this life, that it makes life itself 
 much more painful to us. It afterwards gives another pain, 
 which we can neither procure when we have it not, nor free 
 ourselves from when we have it. I should be very glad to 
 be able to make this “ great pain” understood, but I think I 
 shall not be able; still, I will say something, if I can. 
 
 I must remark, that these things now happen at the very 
 last, after all those visions and revelations whereof I shall 
 
180 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 write, and during the time when I am in prayer, when our 
 Lord is accustomed to give me very great sweetness and 
 caresses; and though I sometimes continue to experience 
 the same sweetness, yet the pain of which I shall now speak 
 comes upon me much more frequently. It is sometimes less 
 and sometimes greater. I now wish to speak of the greater, 
 because though I shall treat hereafter of those great im¬ 
 petuosities which I experienced when our Lord was pleased 
 to give me those raptures; yet, in my opiuion, there was as 
 little resemblance between them, as there is between things 
 spiritual and corporal. 1 believe I do not at all exaggerate 
 the matter, because this pain seems to be such, that though 
 the soul feels it, yet she feels it together with the body, and 
 so both of them share in it; but she feels net that extremity 
 of abandonment which this pain causes, and in which (as I 
 have already mentioned) we have no part ourselves. But 
 there often comes unexpectedly a kind of transport, the cause 
 of which I know not; and this transport, which penetrates 
 the whole soul in an instant, begins to agitate the soul to 
 such a degree, that she rises above herself and all created 
 things; and God makes her so disgusted with them, that 
 however much she may strive, she cannot find on earth any 
 creature for a companion : and even if she could, she would 
 prefer to die in that solitude. If people speak to her, or if 
 she employed all the power which she could possibly possess, 
 in speaking to others, it would be of little use, for her spirit 
 (however much she may strive) is still attached to that soli¬ 
 tude. And though it seems to me, as if God were there at 
 a very great distance from her, yet at times He communi¬ 
 cates His greatness to her, in a manner the most extraordi¬ 
 nary that can be imagined or expressed; and I think that 
 he only can believe or understand it who has experienced it 
 himself; for it is no communication to give comfort, but only 
 to show the reason which he has to be afflicted, on account 
 of being absent from that good which comprehends all good. 
 
 By means .of this communication, the desire increases of 
 remaining in that extreme solitude in which the soul finds 
 herself, together with a pain which is so very acute and 
 penetrating, that she may then, I think (being placed in this 
 desert), literally make use of these words : “ I have watched, 
 
181 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 and become as a sparrow all alone on the house-top.” These 
 words the royal prophet, perhaps, spoke when he was in the 
 same solitude ; but being a saint, our Lord made him feel 
 them in a more sensible manner. This verse comes into my 
 mind, because it seems as if I see myself in it 5 and I am 
 consoled in seeing that other persons also have found them¬ 
 selves in such great solitude, and the greatest saints more 
 than any one else. And thus it appears that the soul in 
 this state is raised, not only above all created things, but 
 even above herself. 
 
 At other times, the soul seems to find herself in the very 
 extremity of misery, asking herself this question : “ Where 
 is thy God ? ” I must remark, that I did not under¬ 
 stand the meaning of these words in the Psalms; but 
 after they were explained to me, I was much comforted in 
 seeing that our Lord brought them to my memory, without 
 any endeavor on my part. At other times, I remembered 
 the words of St. Paul, “ tha: he was crucified to the world.” 
 I say not that I was crucified, for I see clearly I am not ; 
 but.it seems to me, that the soul in, this case, is as it were, 
 crucified, and suspended between earth and heaven; and 
 hence no comfort comes from heaven, because she is not 
 there, nor from the earth, because she is no longer upon it; 
 and she suffers all the time, without receiving any succor 
 from either place. That which does come to her from heaven, 
 is so great a knowledge of God, that she loses herself in the 
 contemplation of His infinite greatness; and this knowledge 
 increases rather than diminishes her pain, because her desire 
 of possessing Him increases in such a manner, that, in my 
 opinion, the excessive pain sometimes takes away her senses ; 
 but she remains without them only a little while. This state 
 seems to be the very agony of death itself; and yet it is 
 accompanied with such a great pleasure and content in suffer¬ 
 ing, that I know not what to compare it to. It is a sharp 
 and yet a delightful kind of martydom, since everything 
 relating to this world which can possibly be represented to 
 the soul, even though it were the most delightful object, is 
 on no account admitted, but rather it is immediately cast 
 away from her. She understands well, that she cares for 
 nothing but for her God; and yet she loves in Him no 
 16 
 
182 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 particular perfection, but all His perfections together; still, 
 she knows not what she wishes or desires. I say, she knows 
 not, because her imagination represents nothing to her; and 
 during all the time she remains in this state, the powers of 
 the soul do not (in my opinion) produce that joy which is 
 felt in union and rapture \ the pain entirely suspends them. 
 
 Oh! that I were able to make your Reverence under¬ 
 stand what I have been saying, even were it only for the 
 object of your telling me what the state is in which the 
 soul finds herself, for this is the condition in which my soul 
 generally remains. When she is not occupied, she then falls 
 into these agonies of death ; and she is afraid when she sees 
 them begin, lest she might die under them. But yet when 
 once begun, she would be glad to remain in this suffering 
 state during all the time of her life, though the pain is so 
 very excessive that the person is scarce able to enduie it. 
 Sometimes I am almost without any pulse at all (as my sisters 
 tell me when they come to see whut is the matter, for now 
 they understand a little more about me), and the bones of 
 my very arms are quite exposed, and my hands becomq so 
 stiff that sometimes 1 cannot close them; and thus the 
 pain remains in my wrists till the next day, and in. my 
 whole body also in such a manner, that it seems as if I 
 had been disjointed. Sometimes I think, if I continue in 
 this state, that our Lord will be pleased to end it by my life 
 coming to an end ; for, in my opinion, so great suffering is 
 sufficient for this object, except only that I do not deserve 
 such a happiness. All my desire then is to die: I neither 
 remember purgatory, nor those great sins X have committed, 
 for which I deserve hell; all is forgotten through my desire 
 of seeing God, and the desert and solitude then appear to me 
 far sweeter than all the society of the whole world. If any¬ 
 thing could give her comfort, it would be to converse with 
 some one who had experienced this same torment; for now, 
 though she complains thereof, no one it seems will believe her. 
 
 The extremity of this pain also contributes to her torment, 
 since she neither wishes for solitude as others do, nor for 
 any company, except for those persons to whom she might 
 be able to complain. It is with her as with one who has a 
 halter about his neck ; and who, while he is strangling, 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 Isa 
 
 
 Endeavors to take his breath ; and thus does this desire for 
 company seem to me to be the effect of our natural weakness. 
 And as this pain puts us in danger of death (that such is the 
 effect is certain, for sometimes I have seen myself in this 
 danger, through my great infirmities and other occasions 
 - which I have mentioned; and I think I may say that this 
 danger is as great as all the rest); so the desire which both 
 body and soul have not to he separated, is that which asks 
 the help of taking breath ; and, by expressing the desire, and 
 complaining, and diverting itself, it seeks for some means of 
 living, though much against the will of the spirit, or of the 
 superior part of the soul, w T hich does not wish to be free from 
 this pain. 
 
 I know not if I am correct in what I say, or if I know 
 how to speak; hut to the best of my judgment, this is the 
 state of the soul. Your Reverence may now see what kind 
 of ease I can enjoy in this life, since that which I used to 
 find in prayer and solitude (for therein our Lord consoled me 
 much) is now changed into this torment; and yet it is so 
 delicious, and the soul sees it to be of such value, that she 
 now delights in it more than in all those other caresses she 
 used to enjoy. It seems to her more secure, because it is 
 the way of the cross, and it possesses in itself a pleasure of 
 great value also, in my opinion ; because she allows the body 
 nothing but pain, and the soul is that which suffers, and w’hich 
 alone feels the joy and content which this suffering gives her. 
 I know not how all this can be, but yet it is so ; and I would 
 not change this favor which our Lord bestows upon me (which 
 comes from His hand, as I have said, and is in no way 
 acquired by me, because it is entirely supernatural), for all 
 those others which I shall afterwards speak of: I say not, 
 for all of them together, but for any one of them taken 
 separately. With regard to these impetuosities, it must he 
 remembered that they happened after those favors which our 
 Lord first bestowed upon me, and also after all that whereof 
 I shall make mention in this book, and likewise after having 
 received that favor which our Lord now gives me. As I was 
 in some fear at the beginning (and this happens almost always 
 when our Lord does me any favor, until, as I proceed, I 
 receive some security from His Majesty), He told me “not to 
 
184 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 fear,” but to esteem this favor greater than all the others He 
 had bestowed upon me, because the soul was purified by this 
 pain, and was burnished and refined, as gold was in the 
 crucible, that so she might be better prepared for receiving 
 the enamels of His gifts; and that being purified here, she 
 might have the less to sutler in purgatory. I knew well that 
 this was a great favor; but after this 1 enjoyed much more 
 security, and my confessor also tells me that it is good. And 
 though I was formerly afraid, yet, because I am so wicked, 
 
 I could never believe it was bad ; but rather, the very great¬ 
 ness of the benefit gave me a certain fear, when I remembered 
 how far I was from deserving it. Blessed be the Lord who 
 is so good. Amen. 
 
 I think I have wandered from my subject, for I began by 
 speaking of raptures; but what I have just been speaking 
 of is much greater than raptures, and so it leaves those 
 effects in the soul, which I have been relating. I will now 
 speak of these raptures, and of that which usually happens 
 therein. I wish to mention then, how the rapture often left 
 my body so light, that all the weight thereof was quite taken 
 away, and sometimes to such a degree, that I hardly knew 
 how to set my feet on the ground. But when the soul 
 is in a rapture, the body remains as it were dead, being 
 often unable to do anything at all of herself; and as it 
 happens to be at the time, so it remains, whether it be in a 
 sitting posture, or whether the hands be opened or closed ; 
 for though she loses her senses a few times (and the same 
 has happened to me now and then), yet they have been seldom 
 entirely lost, and then only for a short time. The usual 
 effect is, that she is disturbed a little; and though she 
 can do nothing of herself, as far as regards the exterior, 
 yet, she is able both to understand and to hear, as if some¬ 
 thing were spoken to her from afar off. I say not that she 
 understands and hears when she is in the very height of her 
 rapture ( I use the words, “ the very height”), at that time 
 when the faculties are lost, because they are very closely 
 united with God ; and then, in my opinion, she neither sees 
 nor hears. But, as I mentioned in the former prayer of 
 Union, this total transformation of the soul into God continues 
 only for a short time ; but, as long as it lasts, no power of 
 
185 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 the soul either feels or knows what passes there. And it 
 seems to be for this object, that as long as we live in this 
 world, it is not God’s will we should understand what passes 
 there, because we are not capable of understanding it: at 
 least, I myself have experienced this. 
 
 But your Reverence will perhaps ask me, how is it that 
 raptures should sometimes last so many hours'? I answer, 
 that what happened to m£ very often (as I have mentioned 
 in the former prayer) is this : that we enjoy raptures only 
 by intervals, and the soul often engulfs herself, or rather 
 (to speak more correctly) our Lord engulfs the soul in 
 Himself; and as He keeps her there for awhile, there 
 remains only her will which she can make use of. As to 
 the exercise of those other two powers, it seems to me to be 
 like that of a needle on a sun-dial, w T hich never stands still; 
 but yet when the Sun of Justice wishes, He makes them stop. 
 This, I say, lasts but for a short time. As, however, the 
 impulse and exaltation of the spirit were great, the will 
 remains engulfed, and acts like a sovereign lady over all the 
 operations of the body, because those other two restless 
 powers wish to disturb her : the senses, however, do not 
 disturb her. And thus they also are suspended, because 
 our Lord is so pleased. ’ The eyes, too, are mostly shut, 
 though we may not wish to shut them: and if sometimes 
 they be open, yet, as I have already mentioned, the soul 
 does not consider nor advert to what she sees. 
 
 The body is now much less able to do anything of herself; 
 and even after the three powers have been united, it can do 
 but little. Let him, therefore, to whom our Lord shall grant 
 this favor, not be astonished when he sees the body so weak 
 for many hours, and his memory and understanding some¬ 
 times so apt to wander. True it is, that souls are ordinarily, 
 in this state, drowned in the praises of God, and in desiring 
 to comprehend or understand what has taken place in them ; 
 and even for this object they are not wholly awake, but like 
 a person who has slept and dreamt a great deal, and is not 
 yet quite awake. I have thus explained myself at some 
 length, because I know there are persons at this time, and 
 even in this place, on whom our Lord has bestowed these 
 favors; and if those who direct these religious have not ex- 
 ' 1G* 
 
186 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 perience in these matters, they will perhaps think, especially 
 if they be not learned, that in these raptures the persons are 
 as it were dead. It is a subject of grief to consider how 
 much otae suffers from such confessors, who do not understand 
 these matters, as I shall afterwards mention. Perhaps I 
 know not what I say ; but your Reverence will understand if 
 I should say anything to the purpose, since our Lord has 
 already given you experience herein ; though as it is not long 
 since you began, you may not perhaps have considered the 
 subject so much as I have. But though I endeavored to do 
 so very often, and to the best of my power, yet the body has 
 not strength enough to stir itself, for the soul takes all its 
 strength away with her. Thus a sick person often recovers 
 his health, and she who was full of weakness and pain regains 
 her strength, because great favors are given in this state. 
 And sometimes (as I was saying) our Lord is pleased that the 
 body also should experience a certain degree of joy, because 
 it obeys what the soul desires. When she has returned to 
 herself, it may happen (if the rapture has been great), that 
 she will go for a day or two, or even for three days, with the 
 powers so absorbed, and as it were engulfed in God, that she 
 seems out of herself. 
 
 But in this state she feels it painful to be still obliged to 
 live in the world; for now, having lost her weak feathers, 
 others have come strong enough to enable her to fly well: 
 now the banner of Christ is so directly unfurled, that there 
 seems to remain nothing more but that the captain of this 
 fort may either ascend himself, or be carried up to the highest 
 tower, there to plant this standard for the glory of God 
 She now looks upon those who are below as one who is 
 already in safety; for so far is she from fearing danger, that 
 she rather wishes it, like one for whom victory is secured in 
 a most certain manner. Now she sees very clearly how little 
 all wordly things ought to be esteemed, and what a “ nothing” 
 they are. He who is in a high place sees many things. Now 
 she does not wish to have any other will but the v ill of our 
 Lord, and she gives Him the keys of hers. From being a 
 gardener, she has now become a governor ; she wishes to do 
 nothing but the will of God, nor does she desire to be the 
 governor of herself, nor indeed' of anything, not even of a 
 
 
1ST 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 single well in this garden : and if there he anything good in 
 it, she wishes His Majesty to divide the fruits thereof: for, 
 from that time forward, she desires nothing of her ©wn, but 
 only that all things may be done in conformity with His will 
 and for His glory. Everything happens in this way truly 
 and really, if the' raptures be real, and the soul enjoys the 
 effects and advantages which I have mentioned. But if such 
 are not the effects, I should doubt much whether the raptures 
 come from God, but should rather be inclined to fear they 
 were of that kind of ravings whereof St. Vincent speaks. 
 This I know, and through experience I have seen that here 
 the soul remains a queen over all things, and acquires in less 
 than an hour so much liberty, that she is not able to know 
 herself. But yet she knows well all this is not her own ; nor 
 does she know how she came to obtain so great a blessing : 
 still she understands clearly the exceeding great advantage 
 which every one of these raptures brings with it. No one can 
 believe all this but he who has experienced it himself; and 
 therefore men cannot believe that a poor soul, which they 
 knew was before so wicked, can so soon undertake to do such 
 wonderful things, because she immediately resolves not to be 
 content with serving onr Lord in small things, but to serve 
 Him in most difficult matters also. But men are apt to 
 imagine that such resolutions are only tentptations and fool¬ 
 ishness. But if they would consider that they come not from 
 herself, but from our Lord, to whom she has already given 
 up the keys of her will, they would not wonder so much at 
 it. I am of opinion, that a soul which arrives at this state 
 neither says nor does anything of herself, but this Sovereign 
 King takes care of everything which is to be done. O my 
 God ! how clearly does a soul see here the meaning of that 
 verse, “Who will give me the wings of a 'dove?” The 
 prophet David had reason to make this request, and so have 
 we all. That “ flight” is clearly meant which the soul takes, 
 in order to raise herself above all creatures, and before all 
 things above herself: but this “flight” is sweet; it is a 
 pleasant flight, and a flight without noise. What dominion 
 docs such a soul possess which our Lord conducts to this 
 degree, that she looks down upon all things without being 
 entangled by them! How full of confusion is she for the 
 
188 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 time in which she was entangled by them ! How astonished 
 at her blindness! How full of compassion for those who still 
 remain in this blindness, especially if they be people of 
 prayer, and such as God is pleased to caress! She desires 
 to cry aloud, that so all may understand how much they have 
 been deceived, and this she does sometimes; and then men 
 pour down upon her head a thousand persecutions; they 
 treat her as having but little humility, and as one who wishes 
 to teach those from whom she ought rather to learn, especially 
 if she be a woman, then they condemn her ; and perhaps 
 they have reason for so doing, because they know not by 
 what impulse she is moved. And as she knows not how to 
 help herself on the one hand, so on the other she cannot 
 forbear undeceiving those persons whom she loves, and whom 
 she desires to behold free from the prison of this life, for the 
 state wherein she was seems neither more nor less than a 
 prison. 
 
 She is much afflicted at the thought of that time in which 
 she attended to points of honor; and for the error and de¬ 
 ceit into which she fell, by believing that to be honor which 
 the world calls honor. She sees that it is a very gross lie, 
 and that all men live in the practice of it. But now she un¬ 
 derstands that real honor is not false, but true; and she 
 esteems that to be worth something which indeed is so, and 
 considers that to be nothing which is in reality so; since all 
 is nothing, and less than nothing, which will one day have 
 an end, and because it does not please God. She laughs at 
 herself for the time in which she made any account of mo¬ 
 ney, and had a desire for it: though in this particular I do 
 not believe (and this is the truth) that I ever had any fault 
 to confess ; but it would have been a fault to have esteemed 
 or desired money in any way. If by means of it I could 
 have purchased those blessings which I now see in myself, I 
 might have valued it very much; but the soul now perceives 
 that such blessings are purchased best by leaving all things. 
 And what is that which can be purchased by this money, 
 which men so much desire ? Is it anything of value 1 Any¬ 
 thing durable ? And for what object do we desire it ? A 
 miserable repose is purchased, and dearly does it cost us; 
 for often do we purchase hell by it, endless torments in 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 189 
 
 everlasting fire ! 0 ! that all men, then, would resolve to 
 
 consider it as earth, which is good for nothing! In what 
 harmony would the world then move ! How free from unjust 
 contracts ! In what friendship would all men live, if they 
 would not hanker after honors or riches ! In that case I 
 think every evil would be remedied. 
 
 The soul also sees that there is great blindness respecting 
 the delights of this world, and that by them nothing is pur¬ 
 chased, even for this life, but trouble and affliction. What 
 trouble, and what little pleasure! What labor in vain! 
 Here she perceives not only the cobwebs of her soul—that 
 is, her great faults—but even the smallest grain of dust, be¬ 
 cause the Sun is very bright. And so, however much the 
 soul may have labored to perfect herself, if this same Sun 
 should truly strike her with its beams, then she sees how 
 dusty everything is. It is like a glass full of water, which 
 you think to be very pure and clear, if the sun do not shine 
 upon it; but when the sun does shine, you find it to be all 
 full of animalculae. This comparison is literally true; for 
 before the soul is in this ecstasy, she thinks that she has 
 been very careful not to offend God, and that she endeavored 
 to do so to the best of her power. But when she has arrived 
 so far, that this Sun of Justice makes her open her eyes, 
 then she sees so many motes in them that she would be glad 
 to shut them again; for she has not yet become so strong, 
 like the courageous eagle which bred her, as steadily to fix 
 her eyes on this Sun. But however little she may open 
 them, she sees herself covered with imperfections, and then 
 she remembers the verse, “ Who shall be pure in Thy 
 sight?” When she beholds this Divine Sun, she is dazzled 
 by the brightness thereof: but when she looks upon herself, 
 her eyes are stopped up with clay ; and so this little dove is 
 blind. And sometimes it happens that she remains entirely 
 blind, being absorbed, amazed, and as it were out of herself, 
 at all the greatness that she beholds. Here true humility is 
 acquired; for she cares not either about speaking well of 
 herself, or about others doing it: she wishes our Lord, and 
 not herself, to divide the fruits of the garden, and so nothing 
 sticks to her fingers. All the good that she has is directed 
 and referred to God; and if she should say anything of her- 
 
190 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 self, it is for His glory, for she knows that she has nothing 
 of her own: of this she cannot be ignorant, even if she would, 
 because she knows it by the very sight of her eyes, which 
 are shut to the things of this world, but open for understand¬ 
 ing the truth, whether she is willing or no. 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 THE SAINT CONTINUES AND FINISHES THIS LAST DEGREE OF PRAYER. 
 
 I will now finish what I was saying, viz., that here the 
 soul has no occasion to give any fresh consent, since she has 
 already given it; and she knows that she has willingly de¬ 
 livered herself into His hands, and that she cannot deceive 
 Him w r ho knows all things. It is not as things are in this 
 world, which is full of deceit and duplicity ; for when you 
 think you have fully gained the good will of any one, by the 
 proofs he gives, you soon discover that it is all pretence and 
 falsehood, so that no one knows how to live in a world so 
 deceitful, especially when self-interest is concerned. Blessed 
 is that soul to which our Lord gives the knowledge of the 
 truth. What a blessing this would be for kings, and how 
 much more profitable for them, than to rule great provinces ! 
 What justice would be found in the kingdom ! How many 
 evils would be avoided, both now and hereafter! Here 
 there is no fear of losing life or honor for the love of God; 
 rather would such losses be considered as great blessings by 
 those w T ho have more regard for the glory of God, than for 
 those to whom they are less obliged ; foj kings are those 
 whom men follow. The prospect of extending the faith, and 
 of enlightening the minds of heretics, ought to induce kings 
 to lose a thousand kingdoms for the sake of gaining a king¬ 
 dom that will never end. And when a soul coines to iaste 
 but a single drop of its heavenly water, everything in this 
 world will appear disgusting to her. And when a soul shall 
 toe entirely engulfed in this ocean of happiness, what joy 
 will be hers ! 0 Lord! if Thou shouldst raise me to such 
 
 a state that I could proclaim aloud this truth, men would 
 believe me no more than they do others, who know how to pub- 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 191 
 
 lish this truth much better than I do; but I should, at least, 
 give satisfaction to myself. It seems to me, however, that I 
 should esteem my life but little, on condition that I could 
 make one of these truths well understood; and yet I know 
 not what I should do afterwards, for there is no trust to be 
 placed in me. But though I am such a miserable creature, 
 still I feel such great impulses to declare these truths to 
 those who are in authority, that I am almost consumed 
 thereby. 
 
 And now since I can do no more, I turn to Thee, 0 my 
 Lord! to seek a remedy for all my evils; Thou knowest 
 well how willingly I would deprive myself of all the favors 
 Thou hast bestowed upon me (provided I might still be in 
 a condition of never offending God), and give them up to 
 kings and princes, for then I know it would be quite impos¬ 
 sible for them, either to consent that those things should be 
 done which are now permitted, or that they would fail to 
 receive extraordinary favors from Thy hands. 0 my God! 
 make them understand what these duties are, since Thou 
 wert pleased to honor them in such a manner on earth, that 
 I have heard there were signs in the heavens when they died. 
 When I think of this, it excites devotion in me, and mayest 
 Thou be pleased, 0 my King! to make them hereby under¬ 
 stand, that they ought to imitate Thee in their life, since 
 there are in some manner signs in the heavens at their death, 
 as there were at thine own death. I am presuming to say 
 too much, and your Reverence may tear in pieces what I 
 am writing if I do not speak properly. Believe me, I 
 would be glad to speak better if I were in their presence, 
 and if I knew how ; and especially if I thought they would 
 believe me, for I frequently recommend them to God, and I 
 wish to do them good. He who ventures his life may do 
 anything, and I often desire to lose mine; and that would 
 be venturing little to gain so much, because we cannot live 
 in this world when we see with our own eyes the great eiror 
 
 and blindness in which men walk. 
 
 When a soul has arrived at this state, she has not mere 
 desires for the glory of God; His Majesty gives her strength 
 to execute them also. No difficulty can be imagined which 
 she would not willingly embrace, provided she could serve 
 
192 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 Him thereby; and she thinks she does nothing, because 
 everything which does not please God appears to her to be a 
 mere nothing. But my grief is, that these occasions of 
 serving Him are not offered to those who are as useless as I 
 am. But be Thou pleased, 0 my Eternal Good! that some 
 time may come wherein \ shall be able to repay Thee, even 
 but a trifle, for all that I owe Thee. Order things as Thou 
 pleasest, provided this Thy servant may be able to serve 
 Thee in something. There have been other women who have 
 performed heroic actions for the love of Thee ; but I am 
 good for nothing but to talk; and so it is not Thy will that 
 I should act, but that all the service I am to do for Thee is 
 to consist in words and desires; and even in these I have 
 not liberty, because I might perhaps fail in every duty. 
 Strengthen my soul, and dispose of it first, 0 Thou author 
 of all blessings! my Jesus! and then ordain things in such 
 a way that I may be able to do something for Thee; and 
 that no one in the world may endure to have received so 
 much, and yet to have returned so little. No matter what 
 it cost, 0 Lord! let not my hands appear so empty in Thy 
 presence, since according to our works so shall we be re¬ 
 warded. Behold! here is my life, here is my honor, here 
 is my will; I have given all to Thee; I am Thine, and dis¬ 
 pose of me as Thou pleasest. I know well, 0 Lord! how 
 little I am able to do; but having now come to Thee, having 
 reached that tower where so many truths are discovered, 
 there is nothing which I shall not be able to perform, if Thou 
 depart not from me. But if Thou withdraw Thyself (how¬ 
 ever little), I shall find myself where I once was—on the 
 road to hell. 
 
 Oh ! what an affliction is it for a soul, who sees herself 
 in this state, to be obliged to return and converse with the 
 world, and to behold the farce of this life so badly acted and 
 arranged ! To be forced to spend so much time in the things 
 of the body, in sleeping and eating! All this wearies the 
 soul, which knows not how to escape from thence, for she 
 finds herself a captive in chains. She then feels more sen¬ 
 sibly the captivity we endure by means of our bodies, and 
 also the misery of this life. Then she understands what 
 reason St. Paul had, in beseeching God to free him “ from 
 
LITE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 193 
 
 the body of this deathas. I have said before, the soul cries 
 aloud with him, and begs liberty from God. But this is 
 often done with such great impetuosity, that the soul seems 
 desirous of leaping from the body in search of this liberty • 
 and as she cannot be freed, she seems like one sold as a slave 
 in a strange land. But that which afflicts her the most is, 
 that she cannot find many to lament with her, and to desire 
 what she desires, for they generally desire to live. Oh! 
 that we were not tied to anything, and that we did not place 
 our happiness in the pleasures of this world ! Then would 
 the pain we might feel of always living without God, temper 
 the fear of d^ath, through the desire of enjoying eternal life'. 
 Sometimes, when I am considering, how such a creature as 
 I am, to whom our Lord has given this light, and though 
 possessing such imperfect charity, and so little true repose 
 (because my actions have deserved no better), should yet 
 often feel so much pain in seeing myself in this land of exile, 
 then I ask myself, what must have been the feelings and 
 sentiments of the saints ? What must St. Paul and St. Mary 
 Magdalen, and others like them, have felt, in whom the fire 
 of divine love burnt so brightly ? It must have been a con¬ 
 tinual martyrdom for them. It. seems that no one could 
 give me greater comfort and ease, than to converse with 
 those persons in whom I could find the like desires—I mean, 
 desires with actions; for there are certain persons who, in 
 their own opinion, are disengaged from all things, and so 
 they publish it to the world; and it is proper they should be 
 so, because their state of life requires such, as well as the 
 many years since they began to enter on the way of perfec¬ 
 tion. But my soul knows well what a great difference there 
 is between those who desire merely in words, and those who 
 confirm their words by deeds ; and she also understands well, 
 how little is the good the former do, and how great is that 
 which the others accomplish: he who has any experience, 
 can see this truth very clearly. 
 
 And now I have mentioned the effects which those rap¬ 
 tures produce, that come from the Spirit of God. It is true 
 that the effects are sometimes great, sometimes less; I say 
 u less,” because though in the beginning the raptures pro¬ 
 duce these effects, yet, as they are not confirmed by works. 
 
194 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA 
 
 we cannot be certain if they are raptures; and, besides, the 
 more we endeavor to free ourselves from every imperfection, 
 the more we shall increase in perfection; but this requires 
 some time; and the more humility and divine love increase 
 in the soul, so much the sweeter will be the odor those flow¬ 
 ers of virtue will be sure to give, both to those who practice 
 these virtues and to others also. It is true, that our Lord 
 knows how to work on a soul in these raptures in such a 
 manner, that little work will remain for the soul herself to 
 do, in acquiring perfection ; for no one can believe unless 
 he has experienced it, how much it pleases our Lord to be¬ 
 stow favors upon a soul in such a state ; nor can we, in my 
 opinion, attain such a state by any diligence on our part. I 
 say not but that, by the help of our Lord, such persons who 
 make use for many years of those means which are prescribed 
 by those who write concerning the beginnings and method of 
 prayer, may arrive at perfection, and become entirely disen¬ 
 gaged from all things: but this will cost much labor and 
 some time. But in raptures our Lord works without any 
 labor on our part; and He expressly draws the soul from the 
 earth, and gives her dominion over all things therein, though 
 there might not be in this soul any more merit than there 
 was in mine: I do not know how to express this point suffi¬ 
 ciently strong, for in mine there was hardly any merit at all. 
 If the question should be asked, why His Majesty does so, 
 the answer is, because it is His will, and He acts how He 
 pleases ; and even though there should be no disposition in 
 her at all, still He disposes her for receiving from His Ma¬ 
 jesty the blessing which He gives her: but not always does 
 He grant these effects, because the gardener may have de¬ 
 served them by having cultivated his garden well; though, at 
 the same time, it is certain, that whoever does this properly, 
 and endeavors to untie himself from all things, will be favored 
 with many blessings. But sometimes He is pleased to 
 show. His greatness upon the most barren soil (as I have 
 mentioned before), and to prepare it for receiving every good 
 thing, so that now the soul seems to have no power, in a cer¬ 
 tain sense, of relapsing into the offences she used to commit 
 against God. 
 
 She has her thoughts so accustomed to understand what 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 195 
 
 is truth, indeed, that everything else seems to her but the 
 playthings of children. Sometimes she smiles within her¬ 
 self, when she sees grave persons, who are given to prayer 
 and other religious duties, make much of points of honor, 
 which this soul tramples under her feet. Some may say, 
 this is prudence, and upholding the authority of their state, 
 that so they may be able to do more good. But this soul 
 knows very well, that such persons might have done more 
 good in one day, if they would have yielded up their authority 
 foi. the love of God, than they would ever do in ten years by 
 adhering to it. Thus does the soul lead a troublesome life, 
 and always she has a cross. But she goes on advancing: 
 though those with whom she converses may suppose that she 
 has already arrived at the top of perfection, yet very soon 
 they discover that she goes on improving, because our Lord 
 continues to caress her more and more. God himself is her 
 soul, and He it is who haS taken the charge of her into His 
 own hands; and there He shines, and seems in a clear man¬ 
 ner to be guarding her, that she may not offend Him, and 
 also to be caressing her and exciting her to serve Him. 
 When my soul arrived so far, that God was pleased to do 
 me so great a favor, my miseries ceased at once, and God 
 gave me strength to avoid them; and I was no more affected 
 by being afterwards in those occasions, and in the company 
 of persons who formerly distracted me, than if I had not 
 been in them at all; rather was I helped thereby. That 
 which used before to injure me, now became instrupiental in 
 making me know God better, and loving Him more, and like¬ 
 wise in making me see how greatly I was indebted to Him, 
 and how sorry I should be for having offended Him. 
 
 But I knew well that this blessing did not come from me, 
 and that I had not obtained it by any diligence on my part, 
 nor indeed had I even time for it; but that His Majesty had 
 given me strength for this purpose through His sole goodness. 
 From the time when our Lord began to do me this favor of 
 having raptures, my strength went on increasing; and He 
 has also held me fast by the hand, that so I might not return 
 back any more. And now, methinks, it is nothing at all 
 which I do on my part, but I understand very clearly 
 that it is our Lord who does all; and therefore do I think 
 
196 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 that the soul on which our Lord confers these favors (provided 
 she acknowledge with humility and fear that it is our Lord 
 who gives them, and that we ourselves do nothing at all), 
 may place herself in any company ; and that, however dis¬ 
 tracted or evil it may be, it will not atfect her or move her 
 in any way, but rather will it help her, and give her the 
 means of reaping more profit thereby. Such are already 
 strong souls, whom our Lord chooses to do good to others, 
 though this strength comes not from themselves. But when 
 once our Lord brings a soul near Himself, by little and little 
 He communicates great secrets to her. In this ecstasy come 
 true revelations, and great favors and visions: and all these 
 tend to humble and strengthen the soul, and to enable her 
 to despise the things of this life, and to know more clearly 
 the greatness of that reward which our Lord has prepared 
 for those who serve Him. 
 
 May our Lord grant that the excessive goodness which 
 He has been pleased to show such a miserable sinner, may 
 be in some way instrumental in strengthening and animating 
 those who shall read this discourse, completely to abandon all 
 things for God’s sake, since His Majesty gives such abundant 
 rewards. And we see clearly, even in this life, what rewards 
 and advantages He gives to those who love Him; and, if so, 
 what will He not give them in the next 1 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 THE SAINT SHOWS HOW SECURE A WAY IT IS FOR THOSE WHO GIVE 
 THEMSELVES TO CONTEMPLATION, NOT TO RAISE THEIR MINDS TO 
 HIGH THINGS UNLESS OUR LORD RAISE THEM HIMSELF, AND HOW 
 THE HUMANITY OF CHRIST MAY SERVE AS A MEANS OF REACHING 
 THE HIGHEST DEGREE OF CONTEMPLATION. 
 
 I wish to make a remark here which, in my opinion, is 
 very important; and if your Reverence consider it proper, 
 it may serve as a word of advice to you; and, perhaps, you 
 may even stand in need of it. I have read in some books 
 which treat of prayer, that though the soul is not able of 
 herself to arrive at this state, because everything is super- 
 
LIFE OP ST. TERESA. 197 
 
 natural which our Lord works therein, yet that she may help * 
 herself towards this object, by raising her mind above all 
 created things : and that so raising it with humility for many 
 years, and having first passed through the “ purgative ” way, 
 and then through the illuminative (I do not know why it is 
 called by this name), the writers particularly advise persons 
 to abstract themselves from all reflection on corporeal things, 
 that so they may be able to arrive at the contemplation of 
 the divinity. They say, that though it should be even the 
 Humanity of Christ, yet it is some impediment for those 
 who have advanced so far, and that it hinders persons from 
 applying to the most perfect kind of contemplation. To 
 support this opinion, they allege what our Lord said to His 
 apostles, when He was ascending into heaven, respecting the 
 descent of the Holy Ghost upon them. My opinion is, that 
 if then theyjiad that lively faith of our Lord being both 
 God and man—(as they had after the coming of the Holy 
 Spirit), His corporal presence would have been no hinderance 
 to them ; for He spoke not thus to His mother, though she 
 loved Him much more than all of them together. But they 
 quote what our Lord said to His apostles, when He ascended 
 into heaven, because it seems to them (as all the action is 
 spiritual), that every corporeal object will prove a hinderance 
 and obstacle to this kind of prayer; that they should con¬ 
 sider themselves independent of creatures; that God sur¬ 
 rounds them on all sides, and hence, that it should be their 
 endeavor to see themselves engulfed in Him. To make use 
 of this sometimes seems to me good: but to separate our¬ 
 selves entirely from Christ, and to place His divine body in 
 the same company with our miseries, or even with all created 
 things, this I can by no means allow. May His Majesty 
 grant that I may make myself understood. I do not wish to 
 contradict these men, because they are spiritual and learned, 
 and they know well what they say : it is also true, that God 
 conducts souls through several ways and paths, as He did 
 mine. And now I will declare some particulars thereof (in 
 other matters I will not interfere); but I will only speak of 
 the danger in which I found myself, because I acted con¬ 
 formably to what I read. I firmly believe, that whoever 
 shall have arrived at the state of union, and not have passed 
 
 17 * 
 
198 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 Jfurther on, so as to have raptures and visions, and those 
 other favors our Lord communicates to souls, may consider 
 that which is mentioned above to be better, as I did. But if I 
 had continued in that state, I believe I never should have 
 arrived to where I am now, because, in my opinion, it is an 
 error; though perhaps I myself may be deceived, but yet I 
 will relate what happened to me. 
 
 When I had no director, and was engaged in reading those 
 books alluded to above, I thought that by little and little I 
 came to understand something; but I afterwards found out, 
 that if our Lord had not been my teacher, I should have 
 learnt very little by these books. It was a mere nothing 
 which I understood, till His Majesty w r as pleased to make me 
 know it by experience ; neither did I know what I was doing. 
 But when I began to understand a little about supernatural 
 prayer (I mean the prayer of Quiet), I endeavored to avoid 
 all corporeal objects, though I dared not exalt my soul; for 
 knowing how very wicked 1 always was, I saw that this would 
 be great presumption in me. But it seemed to me that I 
 felt the presence of God, as indeed I did, and I endeavored 
 to keep myself recollected with Him. This is a sweet kind 
 of prayer, if our Lord assist a soul therein, and the delight 
 is very great; and when both the profit and the pleasure 
 are perceived, no one could then make me return to the 
 Humanity of Christ, because I thought that it was in reality 
 an impediment to me. 0 Lord of my soul! my Good! 
 Jesus Christ crucified! I never call to mind the opinion 
 which I'then held, without feeling pain at the thought, for I 
 think I committed a great treason against Thee, though 
 perhaps in ignorance. I have been especially devoted to the 
 Passion of Christ throughout all my life, for this other cir¬ 
 cumstance happened in the latter part of it; I say, “ in the 
 latter part,” before our Lord granted me the favor of having 
 raptures and visions. I remained but a short time in this 
 opinion, and then I always returned to regale myself with my 
 Lord ; and especially when I received the most blessed 
 Sacrament, I always desired to have some picture or image 
 of Him near my eyes, since I was not able to have Him as 
 deeply engraven on my soul as I could wish. But is it 
 possible, O my Lord! a thought should ever have entered 
 
199 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 iuy mind, even for an hour, that Thou couldst be a hinderance 
 to me in obtaining my greatest good? Vvhence have come 
 all the blessings 1 have received, but from Thee ? But I will 
 not think I was in fault in this respect: rather I ought to 
 pity myself for that which certainly proceeded from igno¬ 
 rance ; and so Thou wert pleased in Thy goodness to remedy 
 it, by giving me a. person who delivered me from this error; 
 and also by enabling me to see Thee so often, as I shall after¬ 
 wards declare, that so I might the more clearly understand 
 how great that ignorance ot mine was ; and likewise that I 
 might declare the same to many persons, as I have already 
 done, and declare it here also. I believe that the cause why’ 
 many souls do not advance more, nor attain great liberty of 
 soul when they arrive at the prayer of Union, is on this very 
 account. 
 
 There are two reasons on which, it seems to me, this 
 opinion may be grounded. And though what I am going 
 to say may be of little or no importance, yet I will declare 
 it, because I have found by experience, that my soul was not 
 at all in a proper state till our Lord was pleased to give me 
 light. For all those joys which she received came to me 
 only by draughts; and when these were over, I did not find 
 myself in such company, nor possessed of such strength to 
 endure tribulations and temptations as I found afterwards. 
 The first reason is, that there is a little want of humility, 
 which, however, lies hidden in such a manner that it is not 
 perceived by the person. And who will be so proud and 
 miserable as I was, even though he should have passed his 
 whole life in numerous acts of penance, in prayers, and all 
 imaginable persecutions, as not even then to consider himself 
 very rich, and very well repaid, were our Lord to allow him 
 to stand at the foot of the cross with St. John? No one but 
 myself could help being content with such a happiness as this, 
 for I was a loser many ways in all those things in which I 
 ought to have been a gainer. But if our frail nature, or 
 our infirmities, will not allow us always to be meditating on 
 the Passion (on account of its painfulness), what should 
 prevent us from remaining with Him now that He is risen 
 again to glory, since we have Him so near us in the Blessed 
 feacrament? Nor need we behold Him there so afflicted, 
 
200 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 torn in pieces, covered with blood, so weary going along 
 those rugged ways, so persecuted by those to whom He did 
 such good, and even not believed in by His own apostles : 
 because it is true that no one can bear always to be medi¬ 
 tating on all the sufferings which He endured. But in the 
 Blessed Sacrament we have Him without His enduring any 
 pain, and full of glory, giving strength to some and courage to 
 others, just as He did before He ascended into heaven. 
 Here, in this most adorable Sacrament, He is our companion, 
 and it seems as if it were not in His power to absent Himself 
 one moment from us: and yet I was able to remove myself 
 from Thee, under the pretext of serving Thee better ! But 
 when I was offending Thee, I knew Thee not: and when I 
 did know Thee, how could I think of gaining by the way I 
 walked? Oh! what a rugged road T walked along! And 
 now I find I should have quite lost my way, if Thou hadst 
 not conducted me back to Thee ; for as Thou wert near me, 
 I saw I had all good things. And whenever any affliction 
 comes upon me I consider how Thou wert treated before the 
 Jews, and then the affliction is very easily borne. With the 
 presence of so good a friend, and under the guidance of so 
 valiant a captain, who was in the foremost rank to suffer, 
 everything can be endured for His sake. He assists us and 
 gives us strength, and never fails in his promises : He is a 
 true friend. I see clearly, that in order to please God, and 
 to receive great favors from Him, He wishes to give them to 
 us through the hands of this most sacred Humanity, in which 
 His Majesty has said, He is u well pleased.” Many, many 
 times, I have known this truth by experience: besides, our 
 Lord himself has told me so. I have also seen, that by this 
 gate we must enter, if we wish His Sovereign Majesty to 
 communicate great secrets to our souls. 
 
 Thus it is that I wish your Beverence not to choose any 
 other way, though you should have arrived at the very height 
 of contemplation ; for here you will be safe, since this is our 
 Lord, from whom all blessings come: if you consider His 
 life, your own will be improved, for He is the very best 
 pattern we can have. What can we desire more than to 
 have so good a friend by our side, who will never desert us 
 in our afflictions and tribulations, like men in the world do ? 
 
201 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 Blessed is that man who loves our Lord truly, and who 
 always has Him near to him. Let us consider the glorious 
 St. Paul, who had the name of Jesus continually on his lips, 
 because he had it deeply engraven in his heart. And from 
 the time I have know this truth, I have carefully considered 
 the life of many other great contemplative saints, and I have 
 noticed that they walked along no other way. St. Francis 
 shows this clearly by his wounds (“ stigmata ”); and St. 
 Antony of Padua by the infant. St. Bernard took great 
 delight in the humanity of our Lord*; so also did St. 
 Catherine of Sienna, and many other saints, with whom your 
 Beverence is better acquainted than I am. This abstraction 
 from corporeal objects must be good, since persons of such 
 spirituality tell us so; but, in my opinion, what they say 
 must be understood of souls very far advanced in perfection ; 
 for till then it is evident that the Creator must be sought for 
 by means of creatures. But I will not say much on this 
 point, since all depends on the favors our Lord is pleased to 
 show to any soul. What I wish to he understood is, that 
 the most sacred Humanity of Christ must not be taken into 
 this account ; and let this point be well understood, that I 
 would wish to know how to express myself properly. 
 
 When God is pleased to suspend all the powers of the soul, 
 as He does in those kinds of prayer already mentioned, we 
 have seen plainly that this presence is taken away from us, 
 whether we will or no. But let it go; for what a happy 
 loss is that whereby we gain more than what we thought we 
 had lost! Then the whole soul is employed in loving Him 
 w r hom the understanding has already endeavored to know; 
 and she loves that which she did not comprehend, and enjoys 
 what she could not have enjoyed, except only by losing her¬ 
 self for her greater gain, as I have already mentioned. But 
 that we should accustom ourselves, by a kind of artifice, not 
 to endeavor w r ith all our strength to place always before our 
 eyes—(and would it were always )—this most sacred Hu¬ 
 manity : this, I repeat, is what I do not like, for it is as if the 
 soul walked in the air, as the saying is, because she seems 
 to have no support, however much she may fancy herself to 
 be full of God. 
 
 Since we are mortal, it is very important for us as long as 
 
202 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 we live to represent our Lord’s Humanity to our mind; for 
 this is that other subject on which I wish to speak. The 
 first (I said) proceeded from a want of a little humility, by 
 presuming to raise the soul up before our Lord raised her; 
 and not contenting herself with meditating on a subject so 
 precious and sacred, she wishes to be Mary before she has 
 labored with Martha. If our Lord should wish her to be 
 Mary, we have nothing to fear then, though it should happen 
 on the very first day of our entering His service. . But let 
 us consider the subject well, as I think I have mentioned be¬ 
 fore. This mote of little humility, though it may appear to 
 be a mere nothing, will hinder us a great deal from advanc¬ 
 ing in contemplation. 
 
 Let us return now to the second point. Though we are 
 not angels, but have bodies, yet to desire to make ourselves 
 angels, while we are still upon the earth, is a kind of mad¬ 
 ness. But our thoughts require some support,, generally 
 speaking, though sometimes the soul may be so raised above 
 herself, and often so full of God, as not to stand in need of 
 any created object in order to recollect herself. . But this is 
 not so common when the soul is overpowered with business, 
 or in persecutions and troubles, when she cannot have so 
 much quiet; and in times also of dryness and duluess, Christ 
 our Lord is found to be a very good friend, because we con¬ 
 sider Him as man, and we behold Him full of weakness and 
 afflictions, and there He keeps us company; and when once 
 we acquire the custom, we shall find it very easy to keep 
 Him close to us, though it will sometimes happen that we 
 shall not be able to do either the one or the other. For this 
 reason it will be well to do what I mentioned befoie, viz., 
 not to strive to procure any consolation of soul, come what 
 may; but willingly to embrace the cross of Christ, is very 
 important. Our Lord was deprived of all consolation : He 
 was left alone in his afflictions: let us not leave Him so. 
 He will stretch out His hand to us, which will raise us up 
 better than all our own endeavors; and yet He.will absent 
 Himself also whenever He shall think fit, and will raise the 
 soul above herself when He wishes, as I have already men¬ 
 
 tioned. 
 
 God is much pleased to see 
 
 a soul take, with humility, 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 203 
 
 His Son for her intercessor; and He loves her so much, that 
 even if His Majesty should desire to raise her up to a very 
 high degree of contemplation, she acknowledges herself unwor¬ 
 thy, and exclaims with St. Peter, “ Depart from me, 0 
 Lord! for lam a sinful man.” This I have experienced 
 myself, and in this manner has God guided my soul. Let 
 others go (as I have said) by another short cut; hut what I 
 have learnt is, that all this edifice of prayer is grounded on 
 humility; and that the more the soul humbles herself in 
 prayer, the more does God exalt her. I do not remember 
 that He ever showed any of those singular favors (of which 
 I shall speak hereafter)—but only when I was in confusion 
 at seeing myself so wicked : and His Majesty sometimes 
 took care to * make me understand certain things, which I 
 never could have imagined myself, in order to help me to 
 know myself better. I believe that when the soul does any¬ 
 thing on her part to help herself on in this prayer of Union, 
 yet the building will very quickly fall (though for the pre¬ 
 sent her efforts may seem to advance her), because it has no 
 so.id foundation. And X am afraid she will never arrive, 
 at true poverty of spirit, which consists not in seeking com¬ 
 fort and pleasure in prayer (for the pleasures of this world 
 are already forsaken), but consolation in afflictions, for the 
 love of Him who always lived in them, and grace to remain 
 patient under them, as well as quiet in aridities ; and though 
 such soul -> cannot help feeling some pain thereat, yet they 
 do not disturb themselves so much as some persons do, who 
 imagine that if they are not always working with the under¬ 
 standing, and do not have sensible devotion, all is lost! As 
 if they could merit so great a blessing by their own exer¬ 
 tions ! I do not mean to say, that they should not endeavor 
 with care to keep themselves in the presence of God; but 
 if they should be unable to have even one good thought (as 
 1 have mentioned in another place'), yet they must not tor¬ 
 ment themselves. We are unprofitable servants, and what 
 therefore can we fancy we are able to do? Our Lord is 
 much better pleased that we should know this truth, and 
 that we should consider ourselves only fit to be treated like 
 some poor little asses, to turn the wheel for drawing the 
 water spoken of before; for though these have their eyes 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 204 
 
 blindfolded, and know not what they are doing, yet they 
 draw up more water than the gardener can, with all his 
 strength and exertions. We must walk in this way with 
 liberty, and put ourselves in the hands of God. If His * 
 iesty shall be pleased to rank us among the number of His 
 confidential friends, we must accept the honor with a good 
 will • but if not, we must be content to serve in inferior em¬ 
 ployments, and not sit down in the best place, as I have said 
 elsewhere. God takes more care of us than we do ourselves, 
 and knows what every one is fit for; what use then is 1 or 
 him, who has already given his whole will tci God, to govern 
 himself? In my opinion, this is less to be allowed her 
 than in the first degree of prayer, and it does us much more 
 harm (if any error be committed), for these are supernatural 
 blessings. If a man have a had voice, however much he 
 may force himself to sing, the voice will not thereby become 
 good; but if God should please to give him a good voice, 
 he need not torment himself. Let us, therefore, always 
 beg of God to grant us His favors ; and let the soul be re¬ 
 signed, though yet confiding in the greatness of God. And 
 when she has received leave to remain at the feet of Christ, ^ 
 let her continue there in whatever way she can : let her imi¬ 
 tate Mary Magdalen ; and when she becomes strong, our 
 
 Lord will take her into the desert. 
 
 Your Reverence will do well to keep yourself in this way, 
 until you meet with some one else who has more experience 
 than I have in this matter. If they be persons who are only 
 beo-inning to delight in God, do not believe them, for they 
 think they receive more profit and delight when they help 
 themselves. Oh ! how manifestly does God show His power, 
 when He wills, without these poor helps! And so, what¬ 
 ever resistance we may make, He carries away the soul, just 
 as some giant would carry away a straw. What an mcredit e 
 thing would it be for a man to believe and to hope, that a 
 toad could fly whenever it liked ! Now I consider it to be a 
 more difficult and absurd thing for our soul to raise herselt 
 up, without being raised by God, because it is laden with 
 earth, and hindered by a thousand obstacles; and merely 
 wishing to fly will be of little use to her. And though fly¬ 
 ing be more natural to a soul than to a toad, yet the soul is 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 205 
 
 so deeply buried in mire, that she has lost the power of fly¬ 
 ing by her own fault. 
 
 I wish then to conclude with this remark, that whenever 
 we meditate on Christ our Lord, we should ever remember 
 the love wherewith He bestowed so many favors upon us, 
 and how great that love was by His giving us such a pledge 
 of it 5 for love produces love. And though we should be 
 mere beginners, and withal very wicked, yet let us always 
 be endeavoring to-consider what I have been saying, and be 
 exciting ourselves to love Him. If once our Lord shall be 
 pleased to do us the favor of imprinting this love in our 
 hearts, everything will become easy to us, and very quickly 
 shall we begin to work, and this without any trouble. May 
 His Majesty grant us this favor, since He knows how neces¬ 
 sary it is for us; and we beg this favor by the great love He 
 bore us, and for the sake of His divine Son, who also loved 
 us so much to His own cost. Amen. 
 
 One thing I would fain ask your Reverence, viz., how our 
 Lord, when He begins to confer such high favors on a soul, 
 as to raise her to a state of perfect contemplation—(and this 
 soul ought then most certainly to become peifect entirely 
 and immediately, since a soul which receives such great 
 favors should no longer desire the consolations of this 
 world)—how our Lord can in process of time abandon this 
 soul, without maintaining her in the perfection of virtue, 
 especially after she has received raptures and been accus¬ 
 tomed to receive other favors; for the more she becomes dis¬ 
 engaged from creatures, the more highly is she favored, con¬ 
 sidering, too, how when our Lord enters a soul He can sanc¬ 
 tify her in a moment ? This I desire to know, for I do not 
 understand it, though I know well there is a difference be¬ 
 tween the strength which these, raptures give in the begin¬ 
 ning, when they continue only for the twinkling of an eye, 
 and between the strength which the soul receives when they 
 continue longer. But the doubt often occurs to me, whether 
 the cause of this may not be, that the soul does not give herself 
 up entirely to Grod, till His Majesty leads her little by little, 
 and makes her determine at once, and gives her the strength 
 of a full-grown man, that so she may trample everything un¬ 
 der her feet, just as Mary Magdalen did so quickly. And 
 18 
 
206 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 so does He do to others, in proportion as they co-operate 
 with Him, and as they allow His Majesty to dispose of them 
 according to His own good pleasure ; for we cannot but be¬ 
 lieve, that even in this life God rewards us a hundredfold. 
 
 I thought also of this comparison : that supposing what is 
 given to beginners as well as to proficients be all the same, 
 ft is like a delicious viand whereof many persons eat; that 
 they who eat little retain the sweet taste of it only for a 
 short time, and they who eat more are enabled to subsist, 
 but that they who feed plentifully on it receive life and 
 strength. A soul may even feed so often and so fully on 
 this food of life, as to have no relish at all for anything but 
 that food, because she derives great benefit therefrom. Her 
 taste also is so accustomed to this sweetness, that she would 
 rather cease to exist than feed on other things, all of which 
 would only serve to take away the good taste which the for¬ 
 mer food left on her lips. Besides, the conversation and 
 company of a holy person does not do us so much good in 
 one day as in many; but we may, by the Divine assistance, 
 become like unto Him by remaining long with Him. Finally, 
 the chief point depends upon God, to whom and when He is 
 pleased to give His graces : but it is important to remember, 
 that he who begins to receive this favor must resolve to dis¬ 
 engage himself from everything, and to esteem the favors of 
 our Lord as highly as they deserve. 
 
 It also seems to me as if His Majesty were resolved to 
 try who they are that love Him—whether this soul or that: 
 and that He likewise wishes to discover who He is Himself, 
 by giving us such excessive delights to quicken our faith, if 
 it should be dead or weak, about those blessings He intends 
 to give the soul; and He says: “ Behold! this is but a drop 
 of that immense ocean of blessing which I mean to give to 
 those that love Me.” And when He sees that we receive 
 them as He gives them, He then gives us Himself. He loves 
 those who love Him: and what a good friend, and who more 
 worthy to be loved! 0 Lord of my soul! who will give me 
 
 words that I might make men understand what Thou dost 
 give to those who trust in Thee, and what they lose who 
 arrive at this state and yet remain attached to themselves'? 
 Do not permit this, 0 Lord! since Thou dost so much in 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 207 
 
 coming to so wicked a place as my heart. Be Thou blessed 
 forever and ever. 
 
 And now I wish to entreat your Reverence, that should 
 you mention these matters on prayer, concerning which I 
 have written, you would do so only to spiritual persons ^be¬ 
 cause if they understand only one way, or have remained 
 stationary half-way, they cannot judge correctly. There are 
 some whom God quickly raises to a very sublime degiee, 
 and they may think that others also might arrive there, and 
 keep the understanding quiet, without making use of corpo¬ 
 real objects as means; such persons, however, will remain 
 as dry as a stick. And some who have enjoyed a little the 
 Prayer of Quiet, presently imagine, that as they have reached 
 one degree they may reach the other; but these, instead of 
 advancing, go backwards, as I have mentioned before. 
 Thus, in all these matters both experience and prudence 
 are necessary; and may our Lord in ‘his goodness grant 
 them to us. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 rHE SAINT RESUMES THE HISTORY OF HER‘LIFE, AND TELLS US HOW 
 SHE BEGAN TO AIM AT GREATER PERFECTION, AND THE MEANS SHE 
 EMPLOYED FOR THIS PURPOSE. 
 
 I NOW wish to return to the place where I left off speak¬ 
 ing of my life for I have dwelt on other matters longer I 
 think than I ought, in order that what is now to follow may 
 be the better understood. Henceforth this will be another 
 new book: I mean, another new life. Hitherto it was my 
 life: but since I began to explain these points respecting 
 prayer, the life I have lived since then is that when God 
 lived in me, as far as seemed to me; because otherwise I 
 consider it impossible for me to have left off, in so short a 
 time, such evil customs and actions. May our Lord be 
 praised for having delivered me from myself. When I began 
 to avoid the occasions of sin, and to give myself more to 
 
 * The Saint left off the history of her life at the eleventh chapter. 
 
208 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 prayer, our Lord began also to confer favors upon me, as 
 one who desired I should be willing to receive them. His 
 Majesty then began to give me very commonly the Prayer 
 of Quiet, and often that of Union, which continued a very 
 long time. But when I learnt, that at this time there hap¬ 
 pened great illusions and deceits to certain w r omen, which 
 came from the devil, I began to be afraid, considering what 
 great delight and sweetness I felt, and that often I could 
 not avoid such things ; though on the other side I saw in me 
 cause for very great security, viz., that all came from God, 
 especially when I was in prayer. I saw also that I was much 
 improved by these favors, and acquired much greater 
 strength. But when a little distraction came upon me, I 
 began to fear again whether the devil might hot be desirous 
 of making me imagine that it were good to suspend the un¬ 
 derstanding, and so deprive myself of the exercise of mental 
 prayer, and that I 'might not be able to meditate on the 
 “ Passion,” nor make use of my understanding; and this 
 seemed a great loss to me. But as His Majesty was now 
 pleased to give me light, in ( rder that I might no more offend 
 Him, and might see how much I was indebted to Him, this 
 fear increased on me in such a manner as to make me dili¬ 
 gently search for some spiritual persons with whom I could 
 speak on the affairs of my soul. Already I had heard of 
 some; for some fathers of the Society of Jesus had come 
 into Spain,* and for this Order I had great regard, without, 
 however, knowing any of the fathers, but for the sole reason 
 of my knowing the kind of life and prayer they practiced. 
 But I did not consider myself worthy to speak with them, 
 nor strong enough to obey them ; and this gave me great 
 fear, because to treat with them on spiritual matters, and 
 yet to remain as I was, seemed to me very foolish and 
 wrong. 
 
 Amidst such thoughts as these I passed some time, till at 
 last by the contest I endured inwardly, and through my 
 fears which I still had, I resolved to state my case to a 
 spiritual man, to ask him what he thought of the kind of 
 prayer I used, and to enlighten me if he found I was in 
 
 * The Fathers of the Society came into Spain about the year 1553.— 
 See Vol. VII. of the Bollandists. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 209 
 
 error: I also resolved to use all possible diligence not to 
 offend God. Through my want of courage I became more 
 and more timid. 0 my God! what a great error it was in 
 me to separate myself from my God, in order to become 
 good: In this point the devil labors much, when we are 
 beginning to acquire virtue, because I could not conquer 
 myself herein. He (the devil) knows well, that the sovereign 
 means of doing good to a soul, is to seek advice from those 
 who are the friends of God; and thus I could not fix on any 
 time to resolve upon this. I expected to reform myself first, 
 as I had done before whem I left off prayer, and perhaps I 
 should never have accomplished my object, for I had already 
 fallen so deeply into certain bad habits (which I did not know 
 were evil), that it was necessary for me to be assisted by 
 some one else, in order to raise me up. Blessed be our Lord, 
 for His own hand was the first to help me. 
 
 When I now perceived my fears to increase so much, be¬ 
 cause I was more given to prayer, it seemed to me, that there 
 was either some great good, or some very great evil involved 
 in my case, because I was already well aware that my prayer 
 was supernatural, since sometimes I was not able to resist it, 
 and even when I wished to obtain it, I could not. I accord¬ 
 ingly thought that there would be no remedy for me, if I 
 did not endeavor to keep a pure conscience, and to avoid 
 every occasion of sin, even venial ones. If my prayer came 
 from the Spirit of God, the benefit would be evident; but if 
 from the devil, he could do me no hurt at all, but rather he 
 would suffer loss, if I endeavored to please God and not 
 to offend Him. Having resolved upon this, and always 
 beseeching our Lord to assist me, though I continued this 
 same course for several days, yet I found my soul had not 
 strength enough to arrive at such perfection of herself, on 
 account of Some affection and inclination I still had for 
 certain things, which though not very bad in themselves, yet 
 were sufficient to spoil everything. 
 
 A certain priest in this place was mentioned to me, who 
 was a learned man, and whose virtue and good life our Lord 
 began to discover to the public; I accordingly endeavored 
 to become acquainted with this ecclesiastic, by means of a 
 holy individual who lived in the same town. This gentle- 
 18 * 
 
210 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 • 
 
 man was married ; but his life was so exemplary and virtuous, 
 and so charitable was he and given to prayer, that all men 
 admired his goodness and perfection; and with reason, 
 because many souls obtained great good through his means, 
 and by the excellent abilities he had; for though they did 
 not assist him in increasing his fortune, still he did not refuse 
 to employ them for the good of others. He had an excellent 
 understanding, and was mild and kind to every one ; his con¬ 
 versation was n^t troublesome, but so sweet and agreeable, 
 as well as just and holy, that every one was delighted who 
 spoke to him ; he directed all things for the greater good of 
 those souls with whom he conversed ; and, indeed, he seemed 
 to have no other aim or desire, but to give pleasure to every 
 one, and to do all for them that they allowed him. Now I 
 do believe that this holy and blessed man, by his care and 
 attention, was chiefly instrumental in the salvation of my 
 soul. I am astonished at his humility in wishing to see me, 
 for I think he had spent little less than forty years in the 
 practice of mental prayer (perhaps not quite so long by two 
 or three years), and he led a life of perfection, such as his 
 station seemed to allow. His wife was also a great servant 
 of God, and so charitable, that he lost nothing by her. In 
 fine, he chose her for his wife as being one whom God knew 
 to be fit for so great a servant of His. Some of his kindred 
 were married to some relations of mine. I was likewise 
 well acquainted with another great servant of God, who was 
 married to a cousin of mine; and by means of this person, 
 I managed that this priest, who was his great friend, and 
 such a great servant of God likewise, should come and 
 speak with me, for I intended to make my confession to him, 
 and take him for my director. The gentleman then before 
 mentioned, having introduced him to me, I was extremely 
 confused to see myself in the presence of so holy a man: 
 I gave him, however, an account of my life and prayer, for 
 he excused himself from hearing my confession, saying, “ that 
 he was then very busy,” and so he was. He began with a 
 holy resolution to guide me, as he would one who was strong, 
 and I ought to have been so (considering the kind of prayer 
 I believed I was using); and this he did that I might not offend 
 God in any way whatever. But I was much troubled when 
 
211 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 1 so soon perceived what his resolution was with regard to 
 those little practices which, as 1 have said, I had not the 
 courage to leave off immediately in a perfect manner: and 
 when I also saw that he meant to settle the affairs of my 
 soul as it were all at once, then I was convinced that I stood 
 in need of much more care and consideration. In a word, 
 I clearly understood that the means he prescribed were not 
 those which would supply a remedy, for they were only fit 
 for a more perfect soul than mine. And though, as regards 
 myself, I had advanced by having received favors from God, 
 yet I -was but just beginning to acquire virtue and mortifi¬ 
 cation. And I certainly believe, that if I had had no one 
 else to consult with but this person, my soul would never 
 have improved ; because, through the affliction it gave me to 
 see how I did not and could not (as I thought) do that which 
 he told me, it was enough to make me despair and give up 
 everything. Sometimes I wonder that as this holy priest 
 had a particular facility in winning souls to God, His Majesty 
 was not pleased to give him a knowledge of my soul, nor to 
 allow him to take the care of it. But 1 now see that all 
 this happened for my greater good, that so I might come to 
 know and converse with such holy men as they are who belong 
 to the Society of Jesus. 
 
 In the mean time I made an agreement with the saintly 
 gentleman of whom I spoke, that now and then he should 
 come and visit me': herein I discovered his great humility, 
 since he was pleased to converse with such a wicked creature 
 as n^self. He accordingly began to visit me and en¬ 
 courage me; and he told me, that I must not think of 
 delivering myself from all my imperfections in one day, but 
 • that God would do it by little and little; and that He him¬ 
 self had been whole years in correcting some very little 
 faults, not having been able to do the work sooner. 0 
 Humility! what great blessings dost thou bestow on those 
 with whom thou remainest, and even upon those who only 
 approach the possessors of it! This saint (and, in my 
 opinion, I may well give him this name) related certain 
 things to me, which, through his humility, seemed weak¬ 
 nesses to him, but he did so for my cure : considering his 
 state of life, they were neither faults nor imperfections ) but 
 
212 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 for me, it was a very great fault to be subject to them. 1 
 do not speak thus without a reason, though perhaps I enlarge 
 too much about those little trifles ; but they are so important 
 for enabling a soul to gain profit, and for teaching her to fly, 
 though she may scarcely have any feathers (as the saying is), 
 that no one who has not had experience thereof, will believe 
 what I say. I mention these things here, because I hope in 
 God that your Reverence will derive profit from them ; for 
 all my health consisted in discovering the means of curing 
 myself, and in my director’s exercising humility and charity 
 towards me, and bearing patiently with me for not correcting 
 myself entirely and immediately. I began to conceive so 
 high a regard for this priest, (for he used great discretion, 
 and this by little and little, and showed me the way to over¬ 
 come the devil), that I could not experience greater comfort 
 than when I saw him, though it was but seldom. When he 
 delayed his visits I was then much troubled, thinking that 
 perhaps he did not come to see me because I -was so wicked. 
 
 When he came to know my great imperfections (whieh 
 perhaps might have been sins), and after I had spoken to 
 him, I was much improved ; and when 1 also mentioned to 
 him the favors God had bestowed upon me, in order that he 
 might enlighten me, he told me, that they did not agree with 
 each other, and that such favors were only fit for persons 
 who were already^ very far advanced, and were very mortified ; 
 that for his part he could not help being greatly afraid, 
 because there seemed to him to be an “ evil spirit ” in some 
 things, though he could not be absolutely sure such wj^ the 
 case; but he wished me to consider w r ell what I knew 
 respecting my prayer, and to relate all the circumstances to 
 him. Now here was the difficulty ; for I neither knew much, 
 nor could I tell much, respecting the nature of my prayer, 
 for it is only a short time ago since God granted me the favor 
 r sf understanding my prayer, and knowing how to speak of 
 t. When he spoke in this manner to me, great was my 
 dfiiction, and many the tears I shed, through the fear I had ; 
 for I certainly desired to serve and please God, and I could 
 not persuade myself that this came from the devil: I only 
 feared, lest through my great sins, our Lord might blind me, 
 so that I could not understand my state. T-arning over one 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 il3 
 
 day some books, to see if I could meet with anything con¬ 
 cerning my prayer, I found in one, which is called “ The Ascent 
 to the Monntain ” (that is, relating to the union of a soul 
 with God), all the proofs of what I used to say so often, viz., 
 that I could not think of anything when I was in that kind 
 of prayer. I marked with lines those places where the 
 passages were to be found, and then I gave him the book, 
 that so both he himself, and the other holy priest and servant 
 of God (of whom I have spoken), might peruse it, and tell 
 me what I was to do, and whether it was their opinion I 
 should give up my prayer altogether. Why should I expose 
 myself to those dangers, if now, after having used this kind 
 of prayer for almost twenty yeaas, I had derived no other 
 benefit from it than to be imposed upon by the devil ? It 
 would be better for me not to practice this pray er at all, 
 though this would be a hard case for me, since I had already 
 found by experience what a state my soul was in without 
 prayer. Thus everything now seemed wretched and mis¬ 
 erable to me ; I was like one who having been cast into a 
 river, saw more and more danger on whatever side he should 
 go, and so was almost on the point of being drowned. This 
 state is a very great affliction ; and of such afflictions I have 
 endured many, as I shall afterwards relate. And though 
 what I say may seem to be of little importance, yet it may 
 prove of some use towards understanding how a soul is to be 
 tried. The affliction which is endured in these cases is indeed 
 great; and much prudence is necessary, especially when men 
 have to treat with women, for our weakness is very great; 
 and great mischief may be done by telling us, that such 
 and such a thing come from the devil, without at the same 
 time considering the matter very carefully, removing us from 
 all possible dangers, and advising us to keep things private ; 
 and it is proper that the men themselves should be careful 
 in this respect. I speak on this subject as one who has had • 
 great trouble, because I could not find proper persons with 
 whom to consult concerning my prayer; I could only ask 
 this or that individual what he thought would be for my good ; 
 but they did me great harm. And many things have become 
 public which ought to have remained private, since they are 
 not fit for every one to know; and, besides, it may seem as 
 
214 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 if they had been divulged by me. But I believe these 
 people made such matters public without any fault on their 
 side ; and our Lord was pleased to permit this to happen, 
 that so I might suffer. I am far from saying that what 
 passed between us in confession was made public. But as 
 they were the persons to whom I gave an account of my prayer, 
 being moved thereto by my fears, that so they might enlighten 
 me, I think they might have kept silence. However, I never 
 could venture to conceal anything from such persons. I say, 
 therefore, that such souls must be discreetly advised and 
 animated, waiting till our Lord shall , help them, as He did 
 me; and if He had not done so, I should have suffered very 
 gpftat harm on account of my fears and apprehensions; and 
 especially considering how much I was subject to palpita¬ 
 tion of the heart, I wonder I did not receive more injury. 
 
 When I delivered this book, and had given him an account 
 Gf my life and sins as best I could, in a general way, for I 
 did not make a confession, because he was a layman, though 
 yet I made him understand how wicked I was ; these two 
 servants of God considered, with great charity and love, 
 what was proper to be done. The answer having come, 
 which I was expecting with great fear, and having re¬ 
 quested many persons to recommend me to God, besides 
 praying myself during all those days with much affliction, 
 the gentleman came to me and told me, the opinion of both 
 of them was, that my prayer was a delusion of the devil, 
 and that the best thing to do would be to speak on the matter 
 to a certain father of the Society of Jesus; for, if I would 
 invite him to call on me, and tell him how I was situated, 
 he would most certainly come; that I should give him an 
 account of my wholo life by making a general confession, 
 and explain everything with great clearness, and that then, 
 in virtue of the sacrament of P«iance, God would give him 
 * more light to guide me : that the Fathers were men of great 
 experience in spiritual matters, and that it would be well to 
 be careful in not departing from what they told me, for if I 
 had no one to direct me, that I should expose myself to great 
 danger. These words filled me with so much fear and pain, 
 that I knew not what to do : I did nothing but weep. And 
 being one day in an oratory full of trouble, and not knowing 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 215 
 
 what would become of me, I read in a book, which it seems 
 our Lord put into my hands, these words of St. Paul: “ God 
 is faithful, and will not suffer us to be tempted above our 
 strength.” I was comforted exceedingly by these words, 
 and began to consider about making my general confession, 
 and to put in writing all the sins and blessings, and the 
 whole history of my life, as clearly as I knew how, without 
 omitting anything. I remember, that when I read over what 
 I had written, and saw how many sins I had committed, and 
 that I had done hardly any good action, I was grieved and 
 afflicted exceedingly. I was also troubled that the people of 
 the house should see me conversing with such holy men as 
 those of the Society of Jesus are, for I was afraid of my 
 own wickedness; and I thought I should be obliged to be 
 wicked no more, and that I should give up my idle conversa¬ 
 tions, and that if I did not, it would be worse for me ; and 
 so I prevailed on the portress and the sacristan not to speak 
 to any one. But this precaution was of little use, for there 
 happened to be one at the gate, when I was called, who pub¬ 
 lished it all over the convent. But what difficulties and 
 troubles does the devil raise against those who desire to 
 approach near to God ! 
 
 After I had spoken with this great servant of God con¬ 
 cerning my soul, and had given him an account of my whole 
 life, he told me what everything was as one well acquainted 
 with this language ;* and he encouraged me much, and told 
 me that my prayer was very evidently from the Spirit of 
 God, but that I must return to it again, because I was not 
 well grounded therein ; nor had I so much as begun to know 
 what mortification was. This was very true, for it seems I 
 hardly understood even the name. He told me also, that I 
 must on no account give up my prayer, but rather apply more 
 diligently thereto, since God had bestowed on me such par¬ 
 ticular favors. Who could tell (he said) whether our Lord 
 might not be pleased to do good to many souls through your 
 means ? Other things also he mentioned to me in such a 
 way, that he seems to have prophesied what our Lord was 
 pleased to do with me afterwards. And I should deserve 
 
 * That is, the language of supernatural prayer. 
 
216 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 much blame if I corresponded not with those favors which 
 our Lord showed me. In all things it seemed to me, that 
 the Holy Spirit spoke by this Father for the cure of my soul 
 so deeply was everything he said imprinted therein He 
 made me greatly confused, and gave me such directions, that 
 lie seemed to change me into quite another person. So verv 
 important is it to understand a soul. He told me to meditate 
 every day on some part of the Passion, and that I should 
 profit much thereby; that I should dwell only on His sacred 
 Humanity, and should resist as much as possible those re¬ 
 collections and caresses, and not give way to them till he 
 should speak to me again on the subject. He left me both 
 comforted and strengthened, and our Lord assisted both me 
 and him, m order that he might understand my state, and 
 . ow 1 was k e guided. I also firmly resolved not to depart 
 m . wa y f rom what he should command me: and in this 
 resolution I have continued till now. May our Lord be 
 praised for having given me grace to obey my confessors, 
 though so imperfectly; and these have almost always been 
 those holy men belonging to the Society of Jesus, though, 
 as I have said, I followed their advice imperfectly. But mv 
 
 relate be ^ al * eVldentl;5r to be much im P r °ved, as I will now 
 
 CHAPTER XXI V. 
 
 TIIE SAHJT CONTINUES THE HISTORY OP HER LIFE, AND TELLS U 
 
 c H o°n™ SOUL WAS IMPR0VED AETER she began to obey he: 
 
 After this confession my soul became so tractable, that 
 it seemed there could be nothing which I would not willingly 
 embrace: and so I soon began to change in many things, though 
 my director did not press me much, but rather seemed to 
 make little account of everything. 
 
 This treatment had the more effect upon me, because he 
 guided me by the method of loving God; and he gave me 
 also more liberty, and told me I should not gain a reward 
 unless I did everything through love. In the meantime I 
 
 
Life OF STo 
 
 217 
 
 TERESA. 
 
 power to resist 3 'ttTfevore “nd^areT^of God “T" h“ 
 
 what I was before Still 1 0.11 1 * ^rooming, considering 
 
 to by my habifand pS„f By reltTnftLT 
 
 God I gained this much—that tt; 3 ^ m ■ ! g , the caresses of 
 
 struck,?; for before k see, Z? tT I “ ajes V became “yin- 
 
 era a 
 
 much pains in resisting that ^ S ? 14 was ' ^ too k so 
 
 and yet our Lord even then to T" qMte a troub,e to me ! 
 
 fts lit r J s£•'f>“ •=2 ft S 
 
 kind of love for the most s*ip Jit t0 conce ^ ve a n ew 
 
 my prayer began to “ettleifeetf“jjT^ °f ,° Ur L “ d i » d 
 mortar in it: I also felt nmw • r a + c which has 
 
 I had grown^carel/ss^(m°nppn C1 f ed r 0 do ^ >enanc > e ? wherein 
 But this holy man to whom T ^ ° f great lnfirm ities. 
 
 that some penances would d n “ a COnfessiou > ‘<>l d me, 
 perhaps afflicted me so much T ha ™’' that God had 
 not wisk to do any myself He 0 & ^T®’ since 1 did 
 
 «™ %?z?r 
 
 sat s r/CiLssr « 
 KftijBJSs! sn: rsr xFS 
 
 I wore anything superfluous about me I was urfahlp + f 
 collect myself till I had cast it nff t 1 •. b ) to re ~ 
 
 19 Cast xt off * 1 P^yed much to our 
 
218 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 Lord that He would protect me, and that since I conversed 
 with His servants He would not permit me to fall back again, 
 for I thought that would indeed be a great offence, and that 
 they might lose their good name on my account.. 
 
 About this time there came to Avila, Father Francis Bor¬ 
 gia,* who had been Luke of Gandia, and who some years 
 before had abandoned the world, and entered the Society of 
 Jesus. My confessor, and also the gentleman (of whom I 
 have spoken before), wished me to speak to this Father, and 
 give him an account of my prayer, for they knew that he 
 was already far advanced in being highly favored and ca¬ 
 ressed by God ; and that as he had abandoned everything 
 for His sake, our Lord wished to repay him even in this 
 life. When Father Francis had heard me, he told me that 
 my prayer came from the Spirit of God, and that it was his 
 opinion I should no longer resist His favors, though till then 
 he thought 1 had done right in doing so. He recommended 
 me likewise always to begin my prayer by meditating on 
 some part of the Passion, and that if afterwards our Lord 
 should elevate my soul, I should not resist, but suffer His 
 Majesty to carry it away, provided however I did not en¬ 
 deavor to procure the rapture. Being far advanced himself 
 in this way, he gave me both medicine and advice; for in 
 such matters experience is very important. He told me also, 
 that it would be an error to resist any longer. These words 
 consoled me greatly, as well as the gentleman ; for he re¬ 
 joiced exceedingly to hear Father Borgia say, that my prayer 
 came from God: he always assisted me, and gave me advice 
 as far as he could, which was very great. 
 
 About this time my confessor Avas ordered by his superiors 
 to go to another place, and this circumstance troubled me 
 much, for I thought I should become picked again; and 
 it seemed impossible to find another like him. My soul ap¬ 
 peared as if dwelling in a desert, so very sad and tearful was 
 she; I knew not what to do with myself. A relation of 
 mine took me home with her; and I was willing to go, in 
 order that I might find another confessor belonging to the 
 
 * See the Life of this illustrious Saint, in Alban Butler, Oct. 10. St. 
 Francis succeeded F. Laynez (who died in 1565), as the third General of 
 the Society. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 219 
 
 Society. Our Lord was pleased I should then Zorin a friend¬ 
 ship with a certain lady, a widow of quality, and one given 
 to prayer,.who was very intimate with the Fathers of the 
 Society. She induced me to confess to her own director, and 
 I remained for some days in her house, for she lived near me. 
 
 I was delighted to be able often to converse with those 
 Fathers, for the mere knowledge of the sanctity of their 
 conversation was a great advantage which my soul expe¬ 
 rienced. This Father began to put me in the way of greater 
 perfection, telling me that I should omit doing nothing, that 
 so I might give the greatest pleasure to God. This he told 
 me with great prudence and sweetness, for my soul was not 
 yet strong in anything, but very tender, especially in giving 
 up certain friendships which 1 had then formed ; for though 
 I did not thereby offend G< d, yet the affection I had for the 
 persons was very great, and it seemed ungrateful in me to 
 break off their friendship; and so I told him, that since our 
 Lord was not offended, why should I become ungrateful ? 
 He replied, “ I should do well to recommend the matter to 
 God for some days, and to recite the hymn c Veni Creator," 
 that so the Holy Ghost might enlighten me to do what was 
 the best.” Having then one day prayed a long time, and 
 humbly besought our Lord to help me to please Him in all 
 things, I began to recite the hymn: and while I was saying 
 it, a rapture came on me so suddenly that I almost lost my¬ 
 self. And of this I could not doubt, for it was very evident; 
 and it was also the very first time our Lord gave me the 
 favor of a rapture : then I heard these words : “ I do not 
 wish you to converse with men, but with angels.” I was 
 much amazed at this occurrence, for the commotion of my 
 soul was great; and these words were spoken to me in the 
 very interior of my heart, so that they made me afraid, 
 though, on the other hand, they gave me great consolation, 
 which remained with me after my fears had left me ; and this 
 fear had, in my opinion, produced the strange novelty. 
 
 These w'ords have been strictly accomplished ; for never 
 afterwards have I been able to form any friendship, nor to 
 feel any consolation, or particular love for any one, except 
 for those persons who I knew adhered to God and endeav¬ 
 ored to serve Him. Nor is it now in my power, neither does 
 
220 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 it matter whether any of these be friends or relations, for 
 if I find that this or that person is not a servant of God, and 
 not given to prayer, it is a heavy cross for me *°, s P eak ''' t l 
 him This is the very truth, as far as I can judge. Fro™ 
 that day I have remained full of courage and resolution to 
 abandon all things for God, as if He had been pleased in 
 that moment (and it seemed to be no more than a moment) 
 to make His servant become quite another creature. _ Thus 
 there was no longer any necessity to command me m this 
 respect, for when my confessor found me so determined, 
 did not venture expressly to tell me I should do it. 
 waited till our Lord should be pleased to do it Himself, as 
 He did indeed. And never did I imagine I should succeed 
 for already I had used some endeavors for this purpose, a.nd 
 so great was the affliction I endured, that I resolved to give 
 up the attempt, as being inconvenient to continue. But n J 
 our Lord gave me both liberty and power to put it in execu 
 tion. This circumstance I told to my confessor, and I gave 
 up everything according as I had been coimnan e . 
 him no little good, whom I had consulted, to behold what a 
 resolution I had taken. May God be praised forever who 
 gave me in a moment that power and liberty which before 
 had not been able to procure with all the diligence I had 
 used for many years; for I had so often exerted all my 
 strength, that my health was thereby considerably injured 
 But as He has accomplished it, who is all-powerful and truly 
 the Lord of all things, I now suffer no pain whatever. 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 SHE TREATS OP THE WAT HOW THOSE WORDS A “ “ 
 
 BE UNDERSTOOD, WHICH GOD COMMUNICATES TO THE SOUL WITH 
 
 OUT ANY VOICE OR SOUND BEING HEARD. 
 
 I THINK it would be well to explain here what kind of 
 speech that is which God makes use of to the soul, and what 
 she feels, that so your Reverence may understand it; tor 
 from the time when our Lord did me this favor (which 1 have 
 mentioned), it often happens to me even now, as you will see 
 
221 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 by what follows. They are certain words very distinctly 
 formed in the soul, which, though not heard with the cor¬ 
 poreal ears, are understood much more expressly and clearly 
 than if they were so heard: nor can the soul avoid under¬ 
 standing them, and giving her whole attention to them : and 
 it is useless to resist, however much we may strive. When 
 in this world we do not wish to hear, we can stop our ears, 
 or else attend to other things, in such a way, that though we 
 may hear the words, yet we shall not understand them. But 
 when God speaks to the soul, there is no remedy whatever, 
 but we are made to listen to the words whether we will or 
 no; and the understanding is obliged to be very attentive, 
 in order comprehend them. Thus, whether we wish or no, 
 God wishes we should understand Him; and because He is 
 all-powerful, that which He resolves must be done, and so 
 He is known as the true Lord of us all. Of this tnlth 1 
 have had much experience, for the resistance I made con¬ 
 tinued almost two years, on account of the fears I had and 
 even now I feel this fear sometimes; but resistance is of 
 little use. 
 
 I should be glad to mention the errors that may happen 
 here, though it seems to me that a person who has great 
 experience would commit few or none : but this experience 
 must be great. I should also like to declare the difference 
 which exists when the spirit is good, or when it is bad, or 
 between that which comes from an imagination formed by 
 the understanding itself (which may happen), or between 
 what the soul says to herself. I know not whether this can 
 happen or no, though even this very day I think it has hap¬ 
 pened so. When the words come from God, I have expe¬ 
 rienced their truth in many things which were told me two 
 or three years before; they all proved true, and till now not 
 one has failed. There are also other things by which the 
 spirit of God is clearly seen, as I shall afterwards relate. 
 
 To me it seems that a person who recommends some¬ 
 thing to God with great earnestness, may fancy that he fore¬ 
 sees whether the affair will succeed or not: this I say is very 
 possible. But he who understands things in the other way 
 of which I have spoken, will clearly discover what will hap¬ 
 pen, because there is a great difference between the two ways 
 19* 
 
222 
 
 LIFE OF ST- TERESA. 
 
 of hearing. And if it be something which the understand 
 ing forms, however delicately done, he understands that 
 something is ordained and said. It is jt -si like a person dis¬ 
 coursing or listening to what another suys. And the under¬ 
 standing will discover, that it does not listen then, because 
 
 • it works; and the words which it frames are, as it were, 
 mute and fantastical, and not delivered with the same clear¬ 
 ness as those others were. And here it is in our power to 
 turn our attention to something else, or to hold our peace 
 when we speak; but in the other case we have no such 
 power. There is another sign much more important than all 
 the rest: what is said by ourselves produces no effect; but 
 when our Lord speaks, he utters both words and produces 
 effects •„ and though they should not be words of devotion, 
 but of reprehension, they immediately dispose the soul, they 
 enable her to be affected, they enlighten her, regale her, 
 and satisfy her. And should she be in a state of dryness, 
 commotion, or disorder, these words take it all away, as it 
 were, with the hand: yea, and even much better than the 
 hands could do: for it seems then our Lord wishes us to 
 
 * understand that He is powerful, and that Ilis w r ords are 
 deeds. It seems to me, that there is as much difference as 
 there is between one speaking or hearing, neither more nor 
 less ] for what I speak I order (as I have mentioned) with 
 mv understanding ) but if another speak to me, I do no more 
 than hear, without any trouble at all to myself. In the first 
 kind of words v 7 e cannot be certain if what w 7 e say be the 
 truth, for we are like men half asleep ; but the other words 
 come from a voice so clear, that not one syllable of what is 
 said is lost. And yet these things happen sometimes when 
 both the understanding and the w 7 liole soul are in such great 
 distraction and disorder, that they would never be able to 
 form any reasonable discourse. Hut the soul finds in this 
 other discourse certain great and important sentences, so 
 well arranged, that though she were ever so perfectly recol¬ 
 lected, she would be unable to produce such : and yet at the 
 very first word thereof (as I have said) a total change is pro¬ 
 duced in her! Especially if the soul be in a rapture, when 
 the powers are suspended, how will those things be under¬ 
 stood which never came to her memory before ? And how 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 223 
 
 will they come, then, when the memory does not act, and 
 when the imagination has, as it were, become foolish '? 
 
 But here we must notice, that whenever either visions are 
 seen or these words heard, it is never, in my opinion, at that 
 time when the soul is absorbed in the rapture itself ) foi at 
 those periods (as I think I mentioned when speaking of the 
 Second Water) all the powers are entirely lost: and hence we 
 can then, in my opinion, neither see, nor hear, nor under¬ 
 stand. The soul is wholly in the power of another at that 
 time, but only for a short* time; and me thinks our Lord does 
 not give her any liberty then in anything. But when that 
 short time has passed, the soul remains still in the rapture, 
 and the reason is, because the powers remain in such a way 
 that, though they are not lost, yet they hardly operate at 
 all, but are as it were absorbed, and not able to perform any 
 discourses. But there are so many ways of discovering the 
 difference between what is true and false, that if the soul 
 should be deceived once, it would not happen so often. I 
 say also, that if the soul have any experience, and be careful 
 in observing what passes, she will see the truth very clearly, 
 for besides all the other ways whereby that will be seen 
 which I have mentioned, these words produce no effect, nor 
 does the soul admit them \ but those which come from Grod 
 she must receive, whether she will or no. Neither does she 
 give any credit to the other words, but rather discovers that 
 they are the effect of an idle imagination, just in the same 
 way as we should pay no attention to whatever a madman 
 might say to us. But the supernatural words are as if we 
 were listening to some very holy or learned person of great 
 authority ; and such an one, we know, would not deceive us. 
 But this is indeed a mean comparison, because these words 
 sometimes bring with them such a great majesty, that, with¬ 
 out reflecting who it is that utters them, even should they 
 be words of reprehension, they make us tremble . and should 
 they relate to Divine love, then they make the soul dissolve, 
 as it were, in loving. And these are things-which (as I have 
 before mentioned) are far from our remembrance; and such 
 deep sentences were so suddenly pronounced, that a long 
 time would be required to have formed and arranged them. 
 
224 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 I think, then, it seems impossible, that we ourselves should 
 imagine we could form such words. 
 
 There is no reason, then, why I should delay any longer 
 on this point, for I think it would be a wonder if an expe¬ 
 rienced person could be deceived herein, unless he purposely 
 wished to be deceived. It has often happened to me, if I 
 were in any doubt, not to believe what was told me, but to 
 think it was my own fancy. This I do when the occasion is 
 past, but now it is impossible; for I have seen the words 
 fulfilled a long time after; because our Lord is pleased the 
 same should remain in the memory, for it cannot be forgotten. 
 That which comes from the understanding is only the first 
 movement, as it were, of our thought, which passes away and 
 is forgotten. But the other is a work, rather than a word ; 
 and though some' part of it may be forgotten in the course 
 of time, yet the memory cannot Iosq it entirely, so as to for¬ 
 get what was said, unless it be a long time after, or except, 
 they be words of doctrine or words of favor. But if they 
 relate to prophecy, in my opinion they can never be forgot¬ 
 ten ; at least, this never happened to me, though I have a 
 bad memory. 
 
 I wish to repeat, that if a person be not so wicked as to take 
 pleasure in deceiving himself, by being persuaded that he 
 understands what he does not understand, it is impossible for 
 him not to see clearly, that it is the soul who frames these 
 words and speaks to herself, especially if she have any under¬ 
 standing at all of the Spirit of God; for if she have not, she 
 may remain in this error during all her life, and may perhaps 
 imagine she understands these words, though I know not how 
 this could be. Either the soul desires to understand them 
 or no : if she cast away that which she understands, and in 
 no way desires to understand anything, on account of her 
 innumerable fears, and for many other reasons which she may 
 have, in order that she may remain quiet in prayer without 
 such things,—how comes she to allow so much time to the 
 understanding, so as to be able to form these discourses ? 
 Time is necessary for these. But by this other way we are 
 instructed without any loss of time at all, and we come to 
 understand certain things in an instant, when, at other times 
 a month would be required. The understanding and the 
 
tit'll Otf ST. TERESA. 
 
 225 
 
 soul are amazed at some things which are understood This 
 is the truth : and whoever has any experience will see that 
 all I have said is very correct. I bless God, who has enabled 
 me thus to declare it; and now I end this part of my dis¬ 
 course by saying, that, in my opinion, when such words come 
 from the understanding, we may easily know it if we wish; 
 and every time that we are in prayer we may fancy that we 
 understand the words. But in this other way it is not so, for 
 there will he many days wherein,—though I should wish some¬ 
 thing respecting them,—it is impossible j and when at other 
 times I have no wish, then I am able to understand them, as I 
 have said. And it seems to me, that whosoever desires to de¬ 
 ceive others, saying that he knows this comes from God, which 
 in reality comes from himself, might as wellassert he heard it 
 with his own ears, for it would cost him little. It is very 
 true, that I never thought there was any other method of 
 hearing or understanding, till I found in my own case that 
 what I now say is correct, and this cost me a great deal of 
 
 trouble. 
 
 When these things come from the devil, they not only 
 produce no good effects, but they also produce evil effects. 
 But this has not happened to me above twice or three times ; 
 and I was instantly informed by our Lord that it was the 
 devil. Besides the great dryness they leave behind them, 
 they give the soul much trouble likewise, in the same way 
 as when at other times our Lord permitted me to have great 
 temptations and troubles of different kinds, and that I should 
 often be tormented, as I shall relate afterwards. This is a 
 disquiet, and we cannot understand whence it comes ; but it 
 seems the soul resists it, and troubles herself thereby, and is 
 afflicted without knowing why, because the devil says such 
 and such a thing is not bad, but good. I think if one spirit 
 is sensible of the presence of another, that the pleasure 
 and delight which the diabolical spirit gives are, in my 
 opinion, very different from those which God gives. 
 The devil, by these delights, may easily deceive a person 
 who has never received any from God, for these coming from 
 Him are indeed true delights, which infuse a sweet, strong, 
 deep-rooted, quiet, delightful pleasure and joy. As to certain 
 little devotions of the soul, and other slight feelings, they 
 
226 
 
 Life of st. teresa. 
 
 are like young flowers which fall away at the least wind of 
 persecution : these I do not call devotions, though they may 
 be good beginnings, and holy feelings : but they are not 
 sufficient to determine wdiether the effects come from a good 
 spirit or a bad one. It is therefore necessary to proceed with 
 great caution, for those who have advanced no farther in 
 prayer than this, may easily be deceived if they should have 
 visions or revelations. I never had these last till God was 
 pleased in His goodness to give me the Prayer of Union, 
 unless it were that first time of which I have spoken ; and 
 it happened to me many years ago, when I saw Christ our 
 Lord : and would that His Majesty had been pleased to make 
 me understand at that time that it was a true vision, as I 
 knew it was so afterwards, for this would have been of great 
 use to me. From the delusions of the devil no sweetness 
 whatever remains in the soul, but she feels much terror and 
 great disgust. 
 
 I consider it certain, that God will never permit the devil 
 to deceive any soul which places no confidence at all in her¬ 
 self, and is strengthened in her faith so firmly, that she would 
 die a thousand deaths for the least article thereof; and this 
 love for her faith (and it is a strong and lively faith), infused 
 into her immediately by God, always induces her to act in 
 . conformity with what the Catholic Church holds and teaches, 
 like one who is so deeply persuaded of the truth, that all 
 possible revelations which could be imagined, not even if she 
 saw the heavens opened, could make her vary in the least 
 point from the doctrine of the Church. But if she once 
 begin to waver, even in thought, against this truth, or to 
 entertain herself by saying, “ If God himself speak thus to 
 me, as He' has to the saints, this may also be true,” I do not 
 say that she believes it, but that the devil begins to tempt 
 her by this first motion to continue therein; but she already 
 sees how very" evil this is. But I believe that often even 
 these first motions will not attack a soul on this point, if she 
 be already so strong as our Lord makes that soul to which 
 He grants these favors. And I think she could tear these 
 devils to pieces, whenever the question was respecting the 
 least article which the Church holds. I say, then, that if 
 the soul do not find in herself this great strength, and that 
 
her devotion or vision which she may have is of no help 
 thereto, she must not consider the vision to he a true and 
 safe one, because, though the evil may not be perceived im¬ 
 mediately, it might become great by little and little. For, 
 as far as I can understand and know by experience, the 
 truth of such visions depends on their conformity with Holy 
 Scripture. And when they go against this rule, however 
 slightly, it seems to me that I should have, without com¬ 
 parison, much greater reason to consider that they came from 
 the devil than that they came from God, however great the 
 conviction might seem to me. In this case there would be 
 no necessity to seek for “signs,” nor to examine from what 
 spirit the vision came, since the sign would be clear as to 
 make us believe it was from the devil : and even if all the 
 world should assure me it was from God, I would not believe 
 it. The truth is, that when these things come from the devil, 
 it seems that all blessings hide themselves, and even fly from 
 the soul, so unquiet and in such disorder does she remain, 
 without feeling any good effect. And though some good 
 desires may seem to be excited in her, yet they are not strong 
 or effectual. The humility the devil leaves behind is false, 
 unquiet, and without sweetness ; and I think any one who 
 has experienced “ the good Spirit ” will understand this. 
 
 However, the devil knows how to play many tricks, and 
 therefore, in this matter, nothing is so certain but that some¬ 
 thing may still be feared from him. We must proceed then 
 with caution, and have a director who is learned : from him 
 we must conceal nothing, and then no harm can come to us, 
 though I have had my share thereof, through the excessive 
 fears to whom some of the religious were subject. It once 
 happened, especially, that many persons met together in 
 whom I placed great confidence (and I had reason to do so, 
 though it- was to one particularly that I gave the greatest 
 confidence; still, when he commanded me, I spoke with 
 others also); they consulted with one another about finding a 
 remedy for my soul; for they loved me much, and feared I 
 might be deceived. I was also subject to very great fears 
 when I was not in prayer ; but when I was, and our Lord 
 was pleased to show me any favor, I immediately became 
 calm and secure. I think there were five or six, all of whom 
 
228 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 were great servants of God. But my confessor told me* 
 that they were all firmly convinced my prayer came from the 
 devil: and they advised me not to communicate so often, 
 and to employ myself in such a way that I might not be alone. 
 As I have already mentioned, I was extremely timid, and the 
 palpitation of my heart made me more so, so that often I had 
 not courage to be alone in my room, even in the day time. 
 As so many asserted my prayer came from the devil (though 
 I could not believe it myself), I began to be extremely scru¬ 
 pulous, thinking I had but little humility, because they were 
 all much more holy without comparison than I was, and 
 also they were learned men; and therefore I said, “ Aft hy 
 should I not believe them ? ” I forced myself as well as I 
 could to do so ; and I thought much of my own wicked life, 
 and how likely it was that what they said was true. Being 
 thus afflicted! went into the church,and entered an oratory, 
 having abstained many days from communicating, and avoided 
 being alone, though solitude had formerly been my greatest 
 consolation. All this I did without having any one to speak 
 to, for they were all against me. Some of them I thought 
 even laughed at me, whenever I spoke to them ; others 
 advised my confessor to take care of me : and others said, 
 that it was quite clear I was deluded by the devil. My con¬ 
 fessor alone gave me comfort (though, as I learnt afterwards, 
 he agreed with the others so far as to have me examined); 
 and he told me, that though it should be the devil, yet, if I did 
 not offend God, he could do me no harm ; that my diffi¬ 
 culties would be removed; that I should pray to God 
 frequently and earnestly, and that he, and the others, and 
 many more persons would do the like. All my prayer was, 
 as well as the prayers of those who I thought were servants 
 of God, that His Majesty would direct me by some other way. 
 I remained about two years in thus continually supplicating 
 
 our Lord. . 
 
 I could have no comfort in any way, when 1 thought it 
 
 was possible that the devil had often spoken to me. But as 
 I now spent no more time in solitude and in prayer, our 
 Lord gave me the gift of recollection, even when I was 
 engaged in conversation, and this without my being able to 
 avoid it; and He said to me what He pleased, though it 
 
229 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 troubled me to hear Him. Being once all alone, without 
 having any one near to console me, I could neither pray nor 
 read, but was like one amazed at my great tribulation, and I 
 was also terrified, considering if the devil could have power 
 to deceive me. And being thus harassed and fatigued, with¬ 
 out knowing what to do with myself (though I had often 
 seen myself in such affliction, yet never had X been in such 
 great trouble I thought), I remained four or five hours in 
 this state; and there seemed to be no comfort for me, either 
 on earth or in heaven, in the midst of the sufferings our 
 IiOrd gave me, and under the fear also of a thousand dangers. 
 But, 0 my Lord! how true a friend art Thou, and how 
 powerful! X^hat Thou wilt, Thou canst effect, and Thou 
 never dost forsake or cease to love those who love Thee ! 
 May all creatures praise Thee, 0 Lord of the world! Oh ! 
 that I could cry out loud enough through the universe, in 
 order to proclaim how faithful Thou art to Thy friends! 
 All things fail • hut Thou, the Lord of them all, dost never 
 fail. How little is that which Thou allowest those who love 
 Thee to suffer. O Lord, how delicately, how wisely, and 
 how sweetly dost Thou know how to treat such souls! Oh . 
 that I had never loved any one but Thee ! It seems, 0 
 Lord, that sometimes Thou triest with rigor those who love 
 Thee, that so by the excess of their affliction, they may 
 understand the better the excess of Thy love. Oh ! that I 
 had understanding, and learning, and new words, that 1 
 might be able to proclaim Thy works, as my soul knows them. 
 
 These I have not; but if Thou wilt not desert me, I will 
 never forsak Thee. Let all the learned men in the world 
 rise up against me ; let all creatures persecute me ; let the 
 devils torment me, provided only Thou, 0 Lord! wilt not 
 forsake me; for I know well, by experience, with how great 
 advantage Thou deliverest all those who put their confidence 
 in Thee alone. When I was in this great trouble (even 
 before I had begun to have any visions at all), these words 
 alone were sufficient entirely to free me from all trouble. 
 « Bear not, daughter, it is I; I will not forsake thee; do 
 
 not fear.” 
 
 It seems to me, that considering what I was then, a long 
 time would have been necessary to persuade me to compose 
 20 
 
230 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 myself, and that no one would have been able to do it. And 
 yet, behold I was oonsoled by these words alone, and endued 
 with strength, with courage, with repose and light in such a 
 manner, that I saw my soul in that instant had become quite 
 another creature. Ob' how good is God! Oh! how good 
 and how powerful is the Lord ! He gives not only advice, 
 but remedies also. His words are works. How is our faith 
 hereby strengthened, and our love increased! Thus I often 
 call to mind how cur Lord, when a tempest had risen at sea, 
 commanded the winds and the waves, and there came a great 
 calm; and I used to say then, Who is This whom all the 
 powers of my soul obey, and who in an instant gives such 
 dazzling light to chase away such great darkness, and makes 
 that heart become soft which seemed before to he as hard as 
 a stone, and who gives the water of sweet tears, where before 
 there was so long such a great drought 1 ? Who inspires 
 these desires? Who gives such courage? What have I 
 been thinking of that I should fear ? What is this ? X 
 desire to serve this Lord, and I wish for nothing but to 
 please Him. I renounce all pleasure, and ease, and every 
 other good, save only the doing of His will, and of this 
 good I was sure, as I can easily affirm. ^ Since then this 
 Lord is so powerful, as I see He is, and know He is, and 
 since all the devils are His slaves (and of this I can have no 
 doubt, since it is of faith), what harm can they do me, who 
 am a servant of this Lord and King ? Why may I not have 
 strength enough to fight with all the powers of hell J Thus 
 I spoke. I then took a cross into my hand, and it really 
 seemed to me, God gave me such courage that, in a short 
 time, I was not afraid to encounter the devils, hut believed 
 I could with that cross easily overcome them all, and thus 
 I challenged them; u Now, come all of you, for, being a 
 servant of God, I wish to see what you can do against me.” 
 
 It is very certain I thought they were afraid of me, for 
 I remained so quiet and so fearless of them all, that even 
 till this day, all the fears I formerly entertained are now 
 entirely removed. And though I have sometimes seen them, 
 as I shall afterwards relate, yet I never feared them more ; 
 rather did it seem that they were afraid of me. I have a 
 certain dominion over them, given to me by the Lord of all 
 
231 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 creatures, so that I make no more account of the devils than 
 of so many flies ; and they seem to me to he so cowardly, 
 that when they see little notice is taken of them, they have 
 no strength or power whatever. These enemies only know 
 how to attack those who give themselves up to them; or, 
 they make their attacks only when God permits them, for the 
 greater good of His servants, whom they tempt and torment. 
 I would it might please His Majesty to make us fear Him, 
 whom we ought to fear, and to make us understand, that 
 we receive greater harm from one venial sin than from all 
 the powers of hell put together : this is certainly true. But 
 when by our affection for honors, riches, and pleasures, we 
 give the devils hold of us, by our loving and desiring that 
 which we ought rather to abhor, then, indeed, they will do 
 us much harm ; for we enable them to fight against us with 
 our own arms, which we put into their hands, and with which 
 we ought to defend ourselves. What a great pity this is! 
 But if we now resolve to detest all these for the love of God, 
 and to embrace His cross, and to serve Him in good earnest, 
 the devil flies away from these resolutions, as we should do 
 from the plague. He is the friend of lies, and a lie itself. 
 He will have nothing to do with one who walks in truth. 
 But when once he sees a man’s understanding obscured, he 
 skilfully labors to obscure it still more: he helps us to blind 
 ourselves ; and considering us only as children, he treats us as 
 such, because he sees that we place all our satisfactisn in the 
 vain things of this world, which are only toys fit for children : 
 with such he wrestles more or less as he sees cause. 
 
 May our Lord be pleased that this may never be my case $ 
 but may He rather do me the favor to make me understand 
 that to be ease and rest, which is indeed “ true ease and true 
 rest; ” and that to be honor, which is “ true honor ; ” and 
 that to be pleasure, which is “ true pleasure ; ” and not the 
 direct contrary to all this ; and then I care not a fig for all 
 the devils in hell, for they will be afraid of me. 1 do not 
 understand those fears by which we exclaim, “ The devil— 
 the devil! ” when we ought rather to say, u 0 my God—my 
 God! ” and so make the devil tremble. 
 
 Do we not already know that the devil is unable to move, 
 unless our Lord permit him 1 What then is the cause of all 
 
232 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 -# 
 
 our fears i I acknowledge that I fear those more who are so 
 frightened at the devil than I fear the devil himself, because he 
 is quite unable to do me any harm; whereas these others 
 (especially if they be confessors) may put our souls to much 
 trouble. I myself have spent so many years m such great 
 trouble, that now I am amazed when I consider how I have 
 been able to endure it. Blessed bo our Lord, who has so 
 truly assisted me. Amen. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 THE SAME SUBJECT IS CONTINUED. THE SAINT MENTIONS MANT 
 THINGS WHICH HAPPENED TO HER. 
 
 I esteem the courage which our Lord gave me against 
 the devils, to be one of the great favors which He was 
 pleased to confer upon me, because for a soul to go cowardly 
 on, and to be fearful of nothing but offending God, is a very 
 great inconvenience. For since we have a King who is om¬ 
 nipotent, and so great a Lord that He can do all things and 
 make all men subject to Him, we have no reason to fear if 
 we walk before Him with sincerity and purity of conscience. 
 And for such an object, I should be glad to have all possible 
 fears not to offend Him at any time, who is able at that very 
 instant to annihilate us ; hut as long as His Majesty is 
 pleased with us, no one can stand against us. You may, 
 perhaps, say, “ that this is very true, but where shall we find 
 a soul so upright as to please Him entirely 1 And because 
 she is not so pure, she is in fear.” I answer, not my soul, 
 certainly, for she is very miserable, unprofitable, and filled 
 with a thousand miseries. But God does not act with such 
 rigor as men do, for He knows our frailty; and the soul can 
 understand, by means of numerous conjectures, whether she 
 really loves God or no ; because whoever arrive at this state, 
 their love is not then a disguised love as it was at the begin¬ 
 ning, but it is attended with such a great impulse and desire to 
 see God (as I shall relate afterwards), that all things afflict, 
 all things weary and tire, all things torment thesoul, unless 
 she be with God,, or suffering and doing something for God. 
 
238 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 There is no repose which does not displease her, because she 
 sees herself absent from her “ true repose and thus it is 
 very clear (as I have mentioned), that things are not dis¬ 
 sembled here. 
 
 It happened to me once, that I found myself in great 
 tribulation, having to suffer many calumnies (on account of 
 a certain affair of which I shall speak afterwards)* from all 
 the religious where I lived, and even from the whole Order, 
 and being also greatly afflicted by the opposition of the 
 whole city. Then it was that our Lord addressed these 
 words to me : u Of what art thou afraid ? Dost thou not 
 know that I am omnipotent ? I will accomplish all that I 
 have promised thee.” And He indeed fulfilled His promise 
 very well afterwards. After these words, I felt such new 
 strength within me that I thought I could then have easily 
 undertaken other things for His service, though they might 
 cost me much more trouble, and have suffered again much 
 more for Him. Hearing these interior words has happened 
 so often to me that I am not able to mention the number of 
 times. Our Lord has made me, and still continues to make 
 me, so severe reproaches, on account of the imperfections I 
 sometimes commit, that they are sufficient to annihilate the 
 soul; at least they bring with them her amendment, because 
 His Majesty (as I have mentioned) gives both advice and the 
 remedy. At other times He brings to my remembrance my 
 pasts sins, especially when He wishes to bestow on me some 
 extraordinary favor ; and this He does in such a way, that the 
 soul sees herself as she will do at the great day of judgment; 
 and the truth is represented to her with such a clear know¬ 
 ledge, that she knows not what to do with herself. At other 
 times, He is pleased to put me on my guard against certain 
 dangers relating to myself and others, which have not hap¬ 
 pened till three or four years after. These were all fulfilled, 
 and some of the events might be mentioned, if necessary. 
 Thus there are so many proofs that these things come from 
 God, that, in my opinion, no one can be ignorant about the 
 matter. 
 
 The most secure way is, not to fail to declare the state of 
 
 * The St. alludes to the foundation of her convent at Avila. 
 
 20 * 
 
234 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 ray whole soul, and the favors our Lord bestows upon me to 
 ray confessor ; to see that he be learned, and to be careful 
 in obeying Him. This is the course which I take, and with¬ 
 out this I could have no security, as our Lord has often told 
 me; and, indeed, it is not fit that we women should have 
 any, for we have no learning 5 and there can be no harm in 
 this, but many advantages. I once had a confessor who 
 mortified me very much, and sometimes he even afflicted me, 
 and gave me a great deal of trouble and uneasiness 5 and yet 
 he was the person who, in my opinion, did me the most good. 
 And though I had a great esteem for him, I had some temp¬ 
 tations to leave him, for the trouble he gave me concerning 
 my prayer quite harassed me. But whenever I determined 
 to leave him, I immediately understood I was not to do 
 so; and I received a reprehension from our Lord, which I 
 felt much more acutely than anything my confessor could 
 impose upon me. And sometimes he tired me by asking me 
 questions on the one hand, and giving me some reproof on 
 the other; and all this I had need of, so weak a will T had. 
 He told me once, that I was not to obey if I were not re¬ 
 solved to suffer, and that I should consider what He had 
 endured for me, and then everything would become easy. 
 
 Another confessor, to whom I had confessed in the be¬ 
 ginning, gave me this advice : that since it had been proved 
 the spirit which directed me was good, I should now keep 
 matters quiet, and not tell the least thing to any one, be¬ 
 cause it was much better not to mention these favors. This 
 advice pleased me, because every time I mentioned them to 
 my confessor I felt great trouble ; and, indeed, so great was 
 my repugnance, that I had much less difficulty in declaring 
 my greatest sins. And especially, if I mentioned those 
 high favors which I had received, 1 thought my confessors 
 would not believe me, but rather laugh at me. I was so 
 troubled by this thought, that such conduct appeared to me 
 to be a kind of irreverence towards the wonders of God, and 
 for this reason I wished to conceal them. But I soon under¬ 
 stood that my confessor had given me bad advice, and that I 
 was by no means to conceal anything from him to whom I 
 eonfessed, because thereby I should have great security ; but 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 235 
 
 that if I acted otherwise, I might sometime or other be 
 deceived. 
 
 Whenever our Lord commanded me anything in prayer, 
 if my confessor bade me do otherwise, our Lord would tell 
 me to obey my director-: His Majesty would afterwards 
 direct him to command me to do that very thing which our 
 Lord himself had commanded me before. When many of 
 my Spanish books were taken away from me, so that I could not 
 read, I was in great trouble, for it was a recreation for me to 
 read some of them; but then I could read none, for what 
 had been left were in Latin. On this occasion our Lord 
 thus spoke to me : “ Be not troubled, for I will give thee a 
 living book.” I could not understand what these words 
 meant, for then I never had any vision ; but within a short 
 time afterwards I understood them very well, for I have had 
 so much to think of and recollect myself about, concerning 
 those things which were presented to me, and our Lord has 
 shown me so great love by instructing me in so many ways, 
 that I have had very little need of books, or rather no need 
 at all. His Majesty has been a living book to me, wherein 
 I have seen many truths. Blessed be such a book, which 
 leaves imprinted in the heart what we read there, and this 
 in such a manner that it can never be forgotten. 
 
 Who can behold our Lord covered all over with wounds and 
 afflicted with persecutions, and not embrace them and love 
 them? Who can have even but a glimpse of that glory 
 which He gives to those who serve Him, and not know that 
 all we can possibly do or suffer here is nothing, since we 
 hope to receive such great rewards ? How can he who con¬ 
 siders the torments the wicked endure in hell, help esteeming 
 all the sufferings of this life to be delights, in comparison 
 with those torments, and not acknowledge how indebted he 
 is to our Lord for having delivered him so often from that 
 place of woe ? But because I intend by the Divine assist¬ 
 ance, to speak hereafter more in particular concerning some 
 of these things, I wish now to continue the account of my 
 life; and God grant that I may have known how to express 
 myself properly in what I have already said. I firmly be¬ 
 lieve that whoever has had experience in those matters will 
 have understood me, and that I have managed, to say . some- 
 
 
236 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 thing to tlie purpose. But those who have had no such ex¬ 
 perience, will perhaps imagine I have been talking nonsense. 
 It is sufficient to state this, that so I may not blamed; 
 nor will I blame any one who may be of a different opinion. 
 May our Lord assist me, that I may always do His will. 
 Amen. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 THE SAINT MENTIONS ANOTHER WAY BY WHICH OUR LORD INSTRUCTS 
 
 A. SOUL, AND MAKES HER UNDERSTAND II IS WILL. SHE SPEAKS 
 
 ALSO OF A WONDERFUL VISION SHE HAD, ETC. 
 
 To return now to the history of my life. I continued in 
 great affiiction and trouble, but at the same time had many 
 prayers offered for me to our Lord, that he would be pleased 
 to conduct me by another way, which might be more secure, 
 since I was told that the former was a suspicious way. But 
 true it is, that though I earnestly begged this favor from 
 God, yet considering how evidently my soul was improved 
 by the other way, I could Dever find it in my power to desire 
 it heartily (though I still did in some degree), unless it were 
 sometimes when I was harassed and distressed by what I was 
 told, and by the fears with which my confessors filled me, 
 I had now become quite another creature, and I could not 
 help putting myself in the hands of God, beseeching Him 
 that, since He knew what was fit for me, He would be 
 pleased to accomplish His holy will in all things concerning 
 me. I saw clearly, that by this way my soul was carried up 
 to heaven, which formerly was dropping down to hell: why, 
 therefore, should I desire such a thing ? And .as for believing 
 those favors came from the devil, it was not in my power to 
 force myself into such an opinion. Still I did what I could 
 to desire the one, and to believe the other : but, as I have 
 said, it was not in my power. I offered for this object a few 
 poor works which I performed, if indeed I did any at all. I 
 became devoted to some of the saints, that by their means I 
 might be delivered from the devil. I performed Noyenas, 
 *nd I recommended myself to St. Hilarion, and St. Michael 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 237 
 
 the archangel, for this purpose : many other saints also I 
 importuned, that by their prayers our Lord might show me 
 the right way. At the end of two years, which both myself 
 and others spent in prayers, that so our Lord might either 
 conduct my soul by some other way, or show me the truth 
 (for now those “ words” I have before spoken of were very 
 common), the following circumstance happened to me which 
 I will now relate. 
 
 Being one day in prayer, on the festival of the glorious 
 St. Peter, I saw standing very near me,—or to speak more 
 properly, I felt and perceived (for I saw nothing at all, 
 either with the eyes of my body or my soul) that Christ our 
 Lord was close by me, and I found it was He who spoke to 
 me, as I thought. As I had been up to this time extremely 
 ignorant as to whether there could be any such vision as this, 
 I fell at first into a great fear, as I could do nothing but 
 weep : but presently our Lord gave me comfort, by speaking 
 only one word ; and I found myself as I was wont, very 
 quiet, with great delight and without fear. It seemed that 
 Christ went always by my side : but the vision not being 
 imaginary, nor represented in any form to the imagination, I 
 perceived not in what shape He was, though I found, and 
 felt very sensibly, that He was always on my right side; 
 that He was the witness of whatever I did, and that if I 
 were recollected, even a little, or rather unless I were very 
 much distracted, I could not help understanding that He 
 was near me-. 
 
 I went immediately to my conffessor, being much grieved 
 that I was obliged to tell him what happened. He asked 
 me what form our Lord had when I saw Him % I told him 
 I did not see Him. My confessor then inquired how I knew 
 it was Christ ? I answered, I knew not how , but that I 
 could not help understanding our Lord was close by me, for 
 I found and felt clearly that it was so ; that the recollection 
 of my soul, in the Prayer of Quiet, was far greater and 
 more continual; that the effects also were very different from 
 those others which I formerly experienced ; in a word, the 
 thing appeared to me very certain and evident. I made 
 use of several comparisons, whereby to make myself under¬ 
 stood, and yet in my opinion, there is none which properly 
 
238 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERES A. 
 
 explains this kind of vision ; for as this is one of the highest 
 kind according to what that holy and spiritual man, Father 
 Peter of Alcantara told me, as well as other great and 
 learned men, so one cannot find words in the world to express 
 it: at least, we who know so little cannot, though learned men 
 may make themselves better understood. But if, as I say, I 
 saw our Lord neither with the eyes of the body or of the soul 
 (because it was no imaginary vision), how can I understand and 
 assert more clearly that lie was near me, than if I.had ac¬ 
 tually seen Him ? It seems as if a person were in the durx, 
 and Jaw not another who stood near him, or as if the person 
 were blind. This is something of a comparison, though not 
 much; for even if a person were blind, he might know an¬ 
 other was present by his other senses, because lie could hear 
 him speak or stir, or he might touch hnn. But here there is 
 nothing at all of this, nor is there any darkness; but our 
 Lord’s presence is represented to the soul by a sign, clearer 
 than the sun itself, and yet no sun or brightness isi seen, but 
 only a certain light, which, without our seeing it, illuminates 
 the understanding, that so the soul may enjoy so great a 
 good. This vision brings also great benefits with it. 
 
 This is not a presence of God, such as many tunes is per¬ 
 ceived, especially by those who have arrived at Union or the 
 Prayer of Quiet, who when they begin to make that prayer, 
 seem to find the person ready at hand to whom they speak , 
 and they fancy he hears them, by the effects and the spirit¬ 
 ual sentiments which are produced,—such as those of great 
 love, and faith, and resolutions accompanied with great ten¬ 
 derness of devotion. And though this is a great favor of 
 God, and highly to be esteemed by him to whom it is given, 
 yet it is no vision; we only understand that God is there, by 
 the effects which are (as I have said) produced in the soul; 
 for in this manner His Majesty wishes to make himself per¬ 
 ceived. But here we see clearly that Christ our Lord, the 
 Son of the Blessed Virgin, is present: in the other method 
 of prayer, certain influences of the Divinity, are represente , 
 but here, together with them, we find that the most Sacred 
 Humanity also accompanies us, and wishes to bestow favors 
 upon us. My confessor then asked me tins question: ‘ W ho 
 told you that it was Jesus Christ 1” “ He Himself told me 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 230 
 
 so,” I answered, “and this very often: but even before 
 he told me so, my understanding was impressed with the 
 truth that it was He : and this before He told me so, and 
 yet I saw him not. If any one whom I had never seen, but 
 had only heard something about him, had come to speak to 
 me, and I were either blind or in the dark ; and should he 
 tell me who he was, I should believe him : still I should not 
 be able so positively to assert it was he, as I should be had 
 I seen him. But in this case I could assert it, for there is 
 imprinted so clear a notice of His presence in the mind, with¬ 
 out our seeing him, that it seems impossible to doubt it; and 
 our Lord wishes to have it so engraven on the understanding, 
 that it can no more be questioned than what we actually see ; 
 no, nor so much. We sometimes suspect things which we 
 see, and fancy this or that without any reason : but here, 
 though this suspicion may arise suddenly, yet on the whole 
 we remain so certain, that a doubt cannot continue. And 
 so also it happens, though in a different manner, that Go 
 instructs the soul, and speaks to her, without spea mg m 
 
 the way I have already mentioned. 
 
 This is a language which is so heavenly, that we cannot 
 well understand it in this world, howevei much we may 
 desire to do so, unless our Lord himself he pleased to teach 
 it by experience. Our Lord places in the very interior ot 
 the soul whatever he is pleased the soul should understand : 
 and there He represents it without any image or form of 
 words, but only by that manner of vision already spoken ot. 
 And let us mark well this manner of God’s making the soul 
 understand what He will, and his great truths and myste¬ 
 ries ; for often that which I understand from our Lord m any 
 vision, His majesty is pleased to represent to me in this way ; 
 and it seems for these reasons, where the devil is least able 
 to intermeddle or intrude himself; and if these reasons are 
 not good, I am likely to he deceived. This kind of vision is 
 so spiritual, and so also is the language, that, there is no 
 noise nor tumult in the powers of the mind, nor in any ot the 
 senses of the body, in my opinion; and by this means the 
 devil can gain no advantage. This happens sometimes, but 
 it lasts only for a short time : at other times it seems to me, 
 that neither the powers of the mind are suspended, nor the 
 
2^ LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 senses of the body taken away, but they are all occupied in 
 themselves; but this does not always happen in contempla¬ 
 tion, or rather it happens very seldom. But when the senses 
 are lost, 1 was saying that we neither operate or do anything 
 ourselves, but all seems to be the work of our Lord. It is 
 like food conveyed into the stomach, without our either 
 having eaten it, or so much as knowing who placed it there; 
 all we know is, that there it is, though we neither know what 
 the food is, nor wdio placed it there. But in this other case 
 the food is known, though I cannot tell how it got there; 
 for neither did I see it, nor do I understand it, nor was 1 
 ever moved to desire it, nor did 1 ever know before that 
 
 such a thing could possibly be. , 
 
 In the heavenly “ Discourse” of which I have already 
 spoken, God makes the understanding reflect upon that 
 which is said, whether it will or no ; for there it seems as if 
 the soul had some other kind of ears to hear, and that He 
 makes her listen, and not think of something else ; as if one 
 who could hear well were not allowed to stop his ears; but 
 people cried aloud to him, and thus, whether he wished or 
 not, he would be obliged to hear. Still he does something, 
 since he endeavors to understand what they say. But here 
 the soul does nothing; for even that little which was done 
 in the former case, and which consisted only in listening, is 
 taken away from her now. She finds now everything ready 
 dressed and eaten, so that she has nothing more to do but 
 to enioy her food. It is like a person who, without e^er 
 having learnt, or so much as having endeavored to read, or 
 without having studied at all, should find himself m posses¬ 
 sion of the whole of that science ; and this without knowing 
 either how or whence it came, since he had never endeavored 
 to acquire it, or even learn his ABC. This last compari¬ 
 son, I think explains some part of this celestial gift, foi the 
 soul perceives that she has become wise on a sudden, and 
 that the mystery of the most Holy Trinity, and ot lei verj 
 sublime truths, are so clearly explained to her, that she coul 
 argue with any divine on the truth of these high subjects 
 The soul on these occasions seems so amazed, that even one 
 such favor as this is sufficient to produce a total change in 
 her, and to make her love nothing but Him, who without 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 241 
 
 any labor on ber part has made her capable of such unspeak¬ 
 able blessings ; who communicates His secrets to her, and 
 speaks to her with such great friendship and love as cannot 
 be written in words, because He shows her some favors 
 which are so admirable, that unless we have a lively faith, 
 we cannot conceive it possible God should grant such favors 
 to one so unworthy of them. I am thinking, then, of men¬ 
 tioning only a few of those which our Lord has shown to me, 
 unless I be commanded to do otherwise; and some of the 
 visions, if mentioned, may perhaps do some good, that so if 
 there be any persons to whom our Lord may have imparted 
 the like, they may not wonder, nor consider them impossible, 
 as I did; or these visions may show the way and manner by 
 which our Lord conducted my soul ; and this is what I have 
 been commanded to write. 
 
 Let us now return to the manner of our understanding 
 these things. To me it seems our Lord is here pleased, that 
 our soul should have some knowledge of that which passes 
 in heaven; and that as the blessed understand one another 
 there without speaking (the truth of which I never knew till 
 our Lord in His goodness made me see it, and showed it to 
 me in a rapture) 5 so also it should be here, that God and 
 the soul might understand one another ; and this for the sole 
 reason that His Majesty is pleased they should do so, with¬ 
 out any other artifice being used to make known the love 
 which these two friends bear each other. Just as in this 
 world, when two persons love one another very dearly, and 
 have a good understanding, they seem able to understand 
 each other without any signs, by only looking at one another. 
 Thus ought it to be in our case, since (without our knowing 
 expressly how) these two lovers look earnestly at each in the 
 face, as the spouse in the Book of Canticles saith to his 
 beloved; for so I think I have heard it mentioned there. 
 
 O admirable benignity of God ! who dost permit Thyself 
 to be looked upon by those eyes, which have abused their 
 sight so much, just as the eyes of my soul did! After the 
 sight of thee, 0 Lord ! let them now be accustomed no more 
 to look upon base objects, nor to take pleasure in anything 
 out of Thee! 0 ingratitude of mortals! how far wilt thou 
 
 go 1 I know by experience that this is true which I am 
 
 21 
 
24*2 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 savin*, and that what I have mentioned is the least of those 
 favors which Thou givest to a soul whom Thou bi ingest 
 s a uTa sTate as this. 0 ye souls! who have begun to n 
 mental prayer, and all yon who have true faith ^at blessings 
 do ye seek which can in any way be compared to the fens of 
 those which are obtained by the servants ofGod 
 mortal life, not to mention the happy eternity^here it ^ 
 Consider that even in this world it is quite true, tUt bod 
 • gives himself to those who forsake all things for the 1< ve ot 
 Mb, He is no accepter of persons : lie loves every one 
 and no one has any excuse, however wicked hei may havt 
 been, since our Lord acted in this manner with me, and 
 raised me to such a state. Consider ubo, that what 1 am 
 now saying is not so much as a cipher of what may be . i • 
 so much only is mentioned as is necessary for making this 
 kind of vision, and the favors which our Lord gives the soul, 
 somewhat understood. But I cannot declare that which the 
 soul feels when our Lord is pleased to impart to hei H 
 secrets and Ilis greatness,—a delight so superior to all that 
 can possibly be imagined in this world, tha w th great 
 reason it makes her abhor the pleasures of tins life, all ot 
 which put together are but dirt; it is even loathsome to 
 compare those pleasures with the joys of ‘bis w°rld, even 
 though they could be enjoyed forever. And of these 
 pleasures, what proportion does God give us in this life . 
 moreZ; a single drop of water is to that great overflowing 
 
 river, which is prepared for us above. 
 
 It is a shame—(and I apply it to myself, and if it w 
 possible for souls to be ashamed in heaven, I should 
 ashamed there much more justly than any one else , that we 
 should desire such great blessings and delights, and such 
 finite glory, all at the cost of our good Jesus. Should w 
 not at least weep over Him with the daughters of Jerusalem, 
 if we will not help Him to carjy the cross with Simon 
 Cyrene * How can we think of coming to enjoy, by pleasures 
 and pastimes, that which He purchased for us at the cost o, 
 so much blood 1 This is impossible. And how can we think 
 bv aspiring to vain honors, to he able to remedy that scorn 
 and contempt which He endured for us that so we might 
 remain forever with Him! No, no, we take quite a wrong 
 
Life of st. teresa. 
 
 243 
 
 course; we shall never reach our journey’s end by such a 
 way. Your Reverence must cry aloud to make these truths 
 heard ; and since God has deprived me of this liberty, I wish 
 to be always crying out to myself,— u How late did I come 
 to hear and know God ! ” This will be seen by what I have 
 written ; and it is a source o f great confusion to me to speak 
 of it, and therefore I now wish to hold my peace. 
 
 I will only mention what I have sometimes been consider¬ 
 ing, viz., that God may be pleased to bring me to such a 
 state, that I may enjoy this immense good. What an acci¬ 
 dental glory and pleasure will it be for the blessed who enjoy 
 this happiness, when they shall find that, though ir was late, 
 yet they omitted nothing which it was possible for them to 
 do for the love of God ! Nor did they fail to present Him 
 with the most they could possibly offer in every way, accord¬ 
 ing to the strength which they had, and as their state allowed 
 them. How rich will he find himself, who loft all the riches 
 he had for Christ ! How full of honor, who rejected all 
 earthly honor, and rejoiced only in seeing himself despised, 
 for love of Him! How wise will he be, who rejoiced that 
 men considered him a fool, since “Wisdom” itself was 
 called by that name ! How few such persons are now in the 
 world, on account of our sins ! Alas ! it seems that all those 
 have departed long ago wliom the world was wont to con¬ 
 sider foolish, when it saw them perform those heroic acts of 
 true lovers of Christ. 0 world ! 0 world ! how art thou 
 esteemed, because thou hast few that know thee ! But to 
 what a state have we come, when men imagine that God is 
 better served by them when they are considered to be wise 
 and discreet! This must needs be so, according as we now 
 understand the word “ discretion.” And we think we give 
 ‘little edification unless we make a show of great gentility 
 and authority, each one according to his state. Even friars, 
 priests, and nuns, think it a novelty to wear anything which 
 is old or patched, as w T ell as an occasion of scandal to the 
 weak ; and even to be recollected and addicted to prayer ! 
 To such a state has the world come! But the study and 
 practice of Christian perfection, and the great impulses which 
 the saints w r ere accustomed to have, do much more harm, 1 
 believe, to the wretched creatures who live in these times 
 
z44 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 than any scandal which could arise from religious persons 
 publishing that to the world by their works, of which they 
 speak by their words, that so mankind might hold the world 
 in little esteem. From such scandals as these our Lord 
 draws great good, and if some are scandalized, others will 
 repent of their sins, and will have in their actions some trace 
 of what Christ and His apostles suffered; for now we have 
 more need of this than ever. 
 
 What an excellent example did God lately take from us, 
 in the person of that blessed man, Father Peter of Alcan¬ 
 tara ! The world was no longer able to endure such per¬ 
 fection. Men say, that our health is now not so good, and 
 that we cannot live now as people did in former times. But 
 that holy man lived in our time, and yet he had as fervent 
 a spirit as men had in other days, and he trod the world no 
 less under his feet; for though we do not go barefoot, nor 
 do such austere penances as he did, yet there are many ways 
 whereby we may tread the world under our feet. Our Lord 
 will teach, us these ways, when He finds a soul fit to learn 
 them. And how great a soul did God bestow on this saint 
 of whom I am now speaking, to enable him to continue for 
 seven-and-forty years a course of such sharp and vigorous 
 penance as all know his to have been. I will say something 
 about it, for I know it is all true. 
 
 He told it to me and to another, from whom he concealed 
 little : and the reason why he told it, was the great love he 
 bore me ; and this our Lord gave him to protect me, and en¬ 
 courage me, at the time of my greatest necessity, of which 1 
 have already spoken, and will declare further. He told me 
 how, to the best of my remembrance, he had slept no more 
 than one hour and a half between day and night for the 
 space of forty years ; and that this was the greatest difficulty 
 he found in his penance at the beginning, to overcome him¬ 
 self in point of sleep ; and that for this purpose he was always 
 obliged to be either kneeling or standing; and when he slept 
 it was in a sitting posture, leaning his head against a little 
 piece of wood which he had driven into the wall; that he 
 could not lie down at full length in his cell, even if he wished, 
 for it was not above four feet and a half long, as is well 
 known. During all these years he never put on his hood, 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA# 245 
 
 how hot soever the sun, or how great soever the rain might 
 be : he never wore anything on his feet, and his body was 
 clad only with a habit of thick coarse sackcloth, without any 
 other thing next his skin, and this as strait as could be 
 endured, with a short mantle of the same material over it. 
 He told m-', that when the weather was extremely cold, he 
 was accustomed to put off his mantle, and to leave the door 
 and the little window of his cell open, that so when he after¬ 
 wards put his cloak on again, and shut his door, he might 
 give his body so much refreshment by it, as that it might be 
 quiet with this additional warmth. It was usual for him 
 not to eat till the third day! He asked me why I was 
 astonished at this ? For he said it was very possible for one 
 who had accustomed himself to it. A companion of his told 
 me, that sometimes it happened he ate nothing for eight 
 days; this perhaps might have been when he was in prayer, 
 for then he used to have great raptures and impulses c" the 
 love of God, of which I myself was an eye-witness. His 
 poverty was extreme, and go also was his mortification rom 
 his youth ; for he told me he had lived three years i 1 a 
 house of his Order without knowing any of the religious, 
 except by their speech, for he never lifted up his eyes : hence, 
 when he was obliged to go from one place to another, he 
 knew not how, except by following the other religious. This 
 was the case on journeys. As to women, for many years he 
 never looked at any one. He told me that it was now all 
 the same to him whether he saw any one or did not see 
 them ; but when I became acquainted with him he was then 
 very old, and his weakness so extreme, that he seemed to be 
 made only of the roots of trees. With all this sanctity he 
 was very affable, though he expressed himself in few words, 
 unless some question were asked him. In them he was very 
 agreeable, for he had an excellent understanding. Many 
 other things I should like to mention, but I fear your Bev- 
 erence might ask me why I turned to this subject , r And 
 even this little I have not written without some fear. I shall 
 add no more, but only that he died as he lived, preaching to 
 and admonishing his friars. When he saw his last end 
 
 21* 
 
246 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 approaching, he exclaimed,—“ Laetatus sum in his quae dicta 
 sunt mihi,” &c.,* and, kneeling down, he expired.! 
 
 Since then our Lord has been pleased to let me enjoy 
 more of him than I did when he was alive, for he gives me 
 advice in many things. I have often seen him in exceeding 
 great glory. The first time he appeared he said,—“ 0 
 happy penance, which has obtained so great a reward . 
 And many other things he said. A year before he died he 
 appeared to me, when we were at some distance from each 
 other ; I understood that he was to die, and I warned him of 
 it.' When he expired he appeared to me, and told me that 
 he was going to rest. I did not then believe it, but yet I 
 mentioned it to some persons, and within eight days after the 
 news came to us that he was dead 5 or rather, to speak more 
 properly, that he had then begun to live forever. Behold 
 here the severe penance of his life, winch ended in so much 
 glory, that methinks he comforts me now much more than 
 when he was alive. Our Lord told me once, that men should 
 not ask anything in his name without being heard ; and 1 
 have myself recommended many things to him that he might 
 beg them of our Lord, and I always found them granted. 
 May our Lord be blessed forever. Amen. 
 
 But what a discourse I have been making, that so I might 
 excite your Beverence not to esteem anything in this world, 
 as if you did not know this already, or were not determined 
 to abandon all things, and to perform what you had resolved 
 upon ! But I see such wickedness in the world, that though 
 it may profit little for me to speak, and though it may be 
 tiresome for me to write, still it does give me some ease, 
 even though I should speak against myself. May our Lord 
 forgive me whatever I may have committed in this particular , 
 and I beseech your Reverence also to pardon me for putting 
 you to so much unnecessary trouble: it seems that I wish to 
 make you do penance for what I myself have committed. 
 
 * “I rejoiced at, the things that were said to me: we shall go into the 
 house of the Lord.” (Psalm exxvi.) 
 
 t See the Life of this great Saint in Alban Butler, Oct. 19. The Saint 
 wrote two excellent short treatises.—1. “On Mental Prayer; 2. “On 
 the Peace of the Soul.” The former has been translated into English by 
 Giles Willoughby. (Dolman, 1843.) 
 

 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 247 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 THE SAINT SPEAKS OF THE GREAT FAYORS OUR LORD BESTOWED UPON 
 HER, AND HOW HE APPEARED TO HER FOR THE FIRST TIME. 
 
 But now to return to wliat I was speaking of: I had that 
 kind of vision for some days continually, and it was so pro¬ 
 fitable to me that I never omitted prayer 5 and besides, 
 whatever I happened to do, I took care it should be done in 
 sucli a manner that it might not displease Him, whom I 
 evidently saw to be there, as a witness of all that passed; 
 and though sometimes I feared on account of what I was 
 told, still my trouble did not last long, because our Lord 
 comforted and encouraged me. Being one day in prayer, it 
 pleased our Lord to show me His sacred hands, and they 
 were so excessively beautiful that I am not able to describe 
 them. But this sight gave me great fear, .as indeed every 
 new sight does in the beginning of any of those supernatural 
 favors which our Lord is pleased to show me. Within a few 
 days after, I saw His divine face, the sight of which, methinks, 
 left me quite absorbed. I could not conceive why our Lord 
 showed Himself thus to me, by little and little, since after¬ 
 wards He resolved to do me the favor that I should see His 
 whole person, till I came to reflect that our Lord was pleased 
 to conduct me according to my natural weakness. May He 
 be blessed forever, since such great glory united together, 
 so base and wicked a creature as myself could not have 
 endured ; and therefore our merciful Lord, who knew this, 
 disposed of things in this manner. 
 
 Your Reverence may, perhaps, imagine that there was not 
 any need of much strength, to behold hands and face so 
 beautiful. But glorified bodies are so beautiful, that the 
 glory they bring along with them (when we behold such 
 supernatural and delightful objects), quite amazes and dis¬ 
 tracts the soul; and thus I was so frightened at first, that I 
 fell into great trouble and disorder, though afterwards I 
 gained certainty and security, with other such effects, that 
 *'ar quickly vanished away. 
 
 On the feast of St. Paul, while I was hearing mass, all 
 
248 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 • the most sacred Humanity of Christ was represented to me. 
 as it is painted after Ilis resurrection; but with such great 
 beauty and majesty as I once particularly described to your 
 Reverence, when you commanded me to do so. 1 was 
 troubled enough at your commanding me, for such a thing 
 cannot be done without almost annihilating one’s self. Hut 
 I did what you commanded me as well as I could, and there¬ 
 fore I need not now repeat it again in this place. . I only 
 say, that if there were nothing else in heaven to delight oui 
 smht but the excessive beauty of glorified bodies, the glory 
 would be immense, especially to behold the Humanity of 
 Jesus Christ our Lord j and if His Majesty be so great, even 
 when it is represented to us in this world, according to that 
 proportion which our misery can bear, what will it be when 
 we shall wholly enjoy and possess such happiness . 1 his 
 
 vision, though represented to me by the way of a mental 
 image, was never seen by me with the eyes of my bo y, nor 
 was any other,—but only with the eyes of my sou . e y 
 who understand these things better than I do, affirm that 
 the former vision, which was purely intellectual, is of a 
 higher and more perfect kind than this; and also that this is 
 much more so than the others, which are seen with corporal 
 eyes; for these latter, they say, are of the lowest kind, m 
 which the devil can more easily introduce his illusions-, 
 though at that time I could not understand any such thing, 
 but rather desired, that when I was to receive any favor of 
 this nature, it might be so that I might see it with my cor¬ 
 poral eyes, to the end that my confessor might not tell 
 me I only fancied these things. And so it also, happened to 
 me as soon as it was past (and this was in one instant), that 
 I began to think I might, perhaps, have only fancied the 
 vision, and I was thus somewhat troubled for having told my 
 confessor, thinking whether or no I had deceived him.. This 
 was the cause of another trouble, and so I went to him and 
 told him of it. He asked me whether I really thought so, 
 and if I had any desire to deceive him 1 I told him the 
 truth, because, as far as I can judge, I had no wish to tell 
 a lie, nor did I intend to do such a thing, nor would 1, tor 
 the whole world, have said one thing for another. This he 
 knew very well, and so he did his best to comfort and calm 
 
249 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 me. But I felt so unwilling to trouble him with these 
 matters, that I know not how the devil could have made me 
 fancy I had feigned anything, or deceived my confessor : this 
 he did to torment me. 
 
 But our Lord made such haste to show me favors, and to 
 declare this truth, that I was soon free from every doubt 
 whether it were fancy or no : since then I see my folly very 
 clearly. Though I were to employ many years in imagining 
 how I could represent an object so beautiful, I should neither 
 have the power nor the ability to. do it, for such a sight 
 exceeds all that can possibly be imagined in this world, by 
 its clearness and brightness alone. It is not a splendor 
 which dazzles, but a sweet lustre. It is a brightness infused, 
 which affords an exceeding great pleasure to the sight, and 
 does not tire us; nor does that light offend, whereby we see 
 this object of such divine beauty. It is a light so different 
 from that of this world, that even the brightness of the sun 
 itself, which we see, is dim in comparison with that light and 
 brightness which are represented to the sight, and hence the 
 eyes can scarcely open themselves to behold it. It is as if we 
 beheld very pure water running upon crystal, with, the sun 
 
 i reflecting upon it and striking through it, in companson with 
 
 other very muddy water, seen in a cloudy day, and running 
 upon an earthy bottom. Not that any sun is represented, 
 nor is that light like the light of the sun ; in a word, this 
 light seems a natural light, and tlic other but an artificial one. 
 This is a light which never sets, and it has no night, but 
 as it is always light, nothing disturbs it. Indeed, it is of 
 such a nature, that however sublime the understanding of 
 a person may be, he would never, during all his life, be able 
 properly to conceive what its nature is; and God places it 
 before us so suddenly, that we should not even have time to 
 open our eyes, if that were necessary; but it helps us no 
 more to have them open than shut, whenever our Lord is 
 pleased we should see it, whether we will or no. Nor can 
 any distraction divert us from it, nor any power resist it; 
 nor, on the other hand, can any care or diligence procure it; 
 and of this I have had good experience, as I shall mention. 
 
 But what I wish to relate now r , is the manner how our 
 Lord shows himself by these visions. I do not say I will 
 
LITE or ST. TERESA. 
 
 *j50 
 
 explain the manner by which this strong light is able to con¬ 
 vey itself into the inward sense, and imprint on the under¬ 
 standing so clear an image, as to make it really appear to be 
 there, because this point belongs to learned men. Our Lord 
 has not been pleased to make me understand the manner 
 thereof; and I am myself so ignorant, and my understanding 
 is so dull, that though many have used great endeavors to 
 explain it to me, I have not yet been able to comprehend the 
 manner thereof. And this is very certain, that though your 
 Reverence may think I possess a quick understanding, 1 do 
 not: for, in many things I have found what I say to be true 
 by experience, viz., that it comprehends no more than what 
 is given it to eat, as the saying is. Sometimes my confessor 
 was amazed at my ignorance, and he never made me under¬ 
 stand, nor did I desire to know how God did this, or how 
 this could be ; neither did I ask him about it, though as . 
 have already mentioned, I consulted for several years many 
 learned men, to know whether this or that were a sin or no; 
 but as for the rest, I only had occasion to remember that 
 God does everything, and that I was not to wonder at His 
 works, but only to praise Him : and thus my devotion was 
 rather excited by difficulties, and the more difficulties the 
 
 more devotion I had. . 
 
 I will now mention what I have learned by experience, 
 
 viz., how our Lord does this : your Reverence, however, will 
 express it better, and will explain all that may be obscure, 
 and which I know not how to explain. It seemed to me, on 
 certain occasions, to be an image which I saw, but on other 
 occasions it was not so : it was Christ himself, judging as 1 
 did from the clearness with which He was pleased to mani¬ 
 fest Himself to me. And yet sometimes it was m so indis¬ 
 tinct a way, that it seemed to be an image or representation, 
 but very different from those portraits which are made in 
 this world, however perfect they may be, for I have seen 
 some very good ones. It would be foolish to suppose that- 
 there is a likeness in any way between them both, for how¬ 
 ever well a portrait may be taken, it can never equal the 
 natural one, for the one is alive and the other dead. But 
 let us put this aside, though yet the relation of one to the 
 
 other holds very well. 
 
251 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 Still, I say not tliat I make a comparison between Christ 
 our Lord and that which I said I saw ; for comparisons never 
 agree so perfectly as these two things did. But the truth is, 
 there is the same difference in what I saw from any image, 
 as there is between something which lives and something 
 which is only painted : if, then, this was an image, it was a 
 living image, and not a dead man, but Christ alive ; and I 
 was enabled to see* Him both as Grod and man, not as He 
 was in the sepulchre, but as He appeared after His Resur¬ 
 rection. And sometimes he comes with such great Majesty, 
 that no one can doubt of its being our Lord himself, espe¬ 
 cially after receiving the Blessed Sacrament, for then we 
 know well He is there, since our faith assures us of it He 
 then shows himself to be so entirely the Master of this my 
 dwelling, that the soul seems to be wholly dissolved and con¬ 
 sumed in Christ. 0 my Jesus! who can express, so as to 
 be understood, the majesty with which Thou showest Thyself'? 
 And how absolutely Thou art Lord of the whole universe, 
 and of the heavens, and of other innumerable worlds and 
 heavens which Thou canst create, as the soul under¬ 
 stands according to the majesty wherewith Thou showest 
 Thyself to her; then she knows that all these would be 
 
 nothing for Thee to be Lord of. 
 
 Here, my sweet Jesus! the soul clearly sees what little 
 power the devils have in comparison with Thine ; and how- 
 lie who pleases Thee may trample hell entirely under his 
 feet. Here the soul sees the reason the devils had to trem¬ 
 ble when Thou didst descend into Limbo, and how they 
 would then have wished rather to have been in a thousand 
 other hells lower down, that so they might fly from such 
 great majesty. I see likewise that Thou desirest to make 
 our soul understand how great Thou art, and the power 
 which Thy most sacred Humanity possesses, joined with Thy 
 Divinity. Here is well represented what the day of judg¬ 
 ment will be, when we shall see the majesty of this King, 
 and behold the rigor He will use against the wicked. Here 
 true humility is fixed in the soul, by seeing her own misery, 
 of which she can be no longer ignorant. Here we accjuiie 
 confusion and true repentance for our sins, so that when she 
 beholds what great love our Lord has shown her, she know3 
 
252 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 not what to do with herself, but is, as it were, wholly anni¬ 
 hilated.* I say, this kind of vision has such excessive power 
 and strength (when our Lord is pleased to show a soul a 
 considerable portion of His greatness and majesty), that I 
 consider it impossible for any one to endure it, unless our 
 Lord be pleased to assist the soul in a supernatural manner, 
 by making her remain in a rapture or ecstacy, and so lose 
 the sight of that Divine presence by the-act of enjoying it. 
 This vision, however, may afterwards be forgotten ; and yet, 
 it cannot be entirely forgotten, because the Divine majesty 
 and beauty are so deeply imprinted in the soul, but only in 
 the case where our Lord is pleased that the soul should 
 suffer dryness and great solitude, of which I shall speak 
 afterwards then it seems that one forgets even God him¬ 
 self. The soul is now quite another creature from what she 
 was before 5 and it seems she has a lively kind of love com¬ 
 municated to her anew, in a much higher degree ; for though 
 that other kind of vision I spoke of before (which represents 
 our Lord without any image), be something more sublime in 
 itself; yet in order to make it remain long in our memory, 
 according to our weakness, and to entertain and keep our 
 thoughts well employed, it is very important for us that so 
 Divine a presence should also remain imprinted in the imagi¬ 
 nation. Thus these two kinds of vision always come to¬ 
 gether ; and it is thus that they come, because the excellence, 
 and beauty, and glory of the most holy Humanity of Chiist 
 are beheld with the eyes of the soul ) and by the other way 
 already spoken of, we are enabled to comprehend that He is 
 God, and that He is powerful and omnipotent; that He 
 commands and governs all things, and that His love fills 
 
 everything. . 
 
 This kind of vision should be valued very highly, and is, 
 in my opinion, without danger ; for it is easily known by the 
 effects, that the devil has no power therein. I think, how¬ 
 ever, that three or four times he wished to represent our 
 Lord himself to me, by a false representation ; but though 
 he may assume the form of flesh, yet he cannot counterfeit 
 by that glory which is manifest, when the vision comes from 
 God. The devil makes certain representations in order to 
 destroy some true vision which the soul has seen j but she 
 
253 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 resists him as well as she can, though she is so disturbed, 
 disquieted, and disordered, that she loses the devotion and 
 pleasure she had before, and remains without any prayer at 
 all. This happened to me three or four times in the begin¬ 
 ning, as I have already mentioned. But this false vision is 
 so different from the other, that whosoever has arrived only 
 at the Prayer of Quiet, will, I think, understand the matter, 
 by the effects which have been spoken of in the discourse on 
 those “ words or speeches” which are sometimes imprinted 
 on the soul. This is a very certain truth; and unless a soul 
 wish to be deceived, I believe the devil will not be able to 
 deceive her, if she walk with humility and simplicity. 
 Whoever receives a true vision from G-od, will from that 
 instantly perceive the nature of another, which is false ; and 
 though this false vision may impart a certain pleasure and 
 delight, yet tho soul will shake them off; and besides, in my 
 opinion, the pleasure will not be real, nor will it have even 
 the appearance of a love which is pure and chaste, and hence 
 very soon she will discover whence it comes. That all this 
 should be mere imagination is utterly impossible, for the 
 beauty and loveliness of only one hand far surpasses all our 
 imagination. Besides, without our remembering or ever 
 having thought of any such matter, to see objects presented 
 before us in an instant, which could never have been formed 
 by the imagination without a long time (because such things 
 surpass all that we are able to comprehend in this world): this, 
 I repeat, would be impossible. And even if we could do 
 something of this kind, yet it could not be done for this 
 other reason, which I will now mention. If we should be 
 able to represent any such thing by the strength of our under¬ 
 standing—(and then it would not produce the great effects 
 which a true vision does, if, indeed, any at all), it would be 
 like one desirous of going to sleep, and yet he would remain 
 awake, because he cannot fall asleep. But if he should 
 wish to sleep, and has need of it, and at the same time 
 should have any weakness in the head which prevents sleep, 
 he uses every exertion for this purpose, and sometimes he 
 thinks he succeeds a little. But if, after all, he do not truly 
 and really sleep soundly he is not refreshed, nor does his 
 head become much better, rather it may sometimes become 
 22 
 
254 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 worse. And so is it, in some measure, with regard to this 
 case, for then the soul becomes dizzy; she w no longer 
 strengthened or supported, but rather gets tired and dis¬ 
 gusted. But, in the other case of which I was speaking, 1 
 cannot express what riches are acquired by the soul, and 
 even the body itself becomes healthful and vigorous 
 
 These and other reasons I alleged, when I was told £ ‘these 
 things came from the devil, or that I only fancied them. 
 This was often mentioned to me; and I, on the other hand, 
 used, to make comparisons as well as I could, and our Lord 
 put them into my mind. But all availed little ; for as there 
 were some very holy persons in that place (and 1 being 
 misery in itself in comparison with them), who were not 
 guided by this way, they immediately began to fear that my 
 sins, in all appearance, were the cause of these effects; and 
 *so the report went from one to another in such a manner, 
 that many became acquainted with these secrets of mine, 
 though I had mentioned them to no one but my confessor, 
 or to such as he commanded me to mention them. I said 
 to them once, that if they who spoke thus to me should 
 assert that some person with whom I had just been talking, 
 and whom I knew very well, was not that person, but that 1 
 only fancied such a person, I should have more easily be¬ 
 lieved them than that which I saw. But if this individual 
 left some jewels with me, and they remained still in my 
 hand, as pledges of the great love he bore me; and that 
 now I perceived I was rich, whereas I was very poor before, 
 I should not then be able to believe them, however much I 
 might desire it, especially since I could show these jewels to 
 others, for all who knew me saw clearly that I had become 
 quite another person, and so my confessor also told me, for 
 the difference was very great in every respect, and not 
 feigned, but all could see it very plainly. Having been so 
 wicked before, I used to say I could not believe, that it 
 the devil did this to deceive, me and send me to hell, he 
 would make use of means very different from these, which 
 had greatly served to root out vices, and to plant in me 
 strength and every virtue ; and I perceived very clearly, 
 that I soon became by these means quite another crea¬ 
 ture. 
 
255 
 
 » 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 My combssor* belonged, as 1 have mentioned, to the So¬ 
 ciety of Jesus, and a very holy man he was : he also made 
 the same answer, as I afterwards learnt. He was very dis¬ 
 creet and very humble ; and yet this humility cost me many 
 troubles ; for though he was a learned man, and a man of 
 prayer, yet he did not trust in himself: as our Lord did not 
 lead him along this road, he had much trouble with me in 
 several ways. They even wished him to take heed of me, 
 lest the devil might deceive him, by inducing him to believe 
 something of what I told him; and to prove their point, 
 they adduced the examples of other persons. All this gave 
 me trouble enough, for I was afraid I should have no one to 
 hear my confession, but that every one would fly from me ; 
 and so I did nothing but weep. It was & mercy of God 
 that this Father still continued to hear me : but he was so 
 great a servant of God, that for His sake he was willing to 
 expose himself to everything; and so he bade me not to 
 offend God, nor to depart from the directions he gave me . 
 he told me also not to fear about his leaving me. He 
 always comforted and encouraged me, and commanded me 
 never to conceal anything from him. And should I observe 
 this command, he told me, that though it were the devil, he 
 would not be able to do me any harm, but rather that our 
 Lord would draw good out of the evil which the devil wished 
 to do my soul. He wished to advance me in all things as 
 well as he could, and I, being in such fear, obeyed him in 
 everything, though imperfectly. He had a great deal of 
 trouble with me for more than three years, during which I 
 confessed to him, in the midst of these afflictions and the 
 great persecutions I underwent, for our Lord allowed people 
 to form a bad opinion of me; and these afflictions came, 
 many of them at least, without any fault of mine, so that I 
 was always coming to the Father, and he was blamed on my 
 account, though he was not in any fault whatever. I think 
 it would have been impossible for him to have endured all 
 these troubles so long, had he not been a man of great 
 sanctity; but our Lord animated him, and enabled him to 
 bear so much, for he had to answer every one who thought 
 
 * Baltassar Alvarez. (See his edifying Life, by Father Dupont ; also 
 some account of hi3 manner of prayer, in Baker’s “ Sancta Sophia.”) 
 
256 
 
 LIFE O? ST, TERESA ( 
 
 I was a lost soul: but they believed him not: and on the 
 other hand, he had to calm my mind, and to draw me out of 
 the fear I had, by threatening me with a greater. He had 
 also to satisfy me in another respect, for, with regard to 
 every vision which was new, our Lord permitted me after¬ 
 wards to have great fears. All this came from my having 
 been and being still so great a sinner. Still, he comforted 
 me with much compassion, and had he followed his own 
 opinion, I should not have suffered so much, for God enabled 
 him to understand the truth in all things: and I believe 
 that the Sacrament of Penance gave him light to direct me. 
 
 Those other servants of God, who could not make them¬ 
 selves sure of my being directed by God, often conversed 
 with me ; and when I used to be carelessly speaking of some 
 things, they would understand them in a different manner. 
 Now one of these I loved much, for my soul was exceedingly 
 indebted to him, and he was a very holy man. I was much 
 troubled to see that I could not make myself understood by 
 him; while he, on the other hand, desired my spiritual good 
 with all his heart and soul, and prayed that our Lord would 
 enlighten me. And so when I used to be relating things to 
 them without reflection upon what I said, it seemed to them • 
 to be a sigu of little humility in me; and when they saw me 
 commit some fault (and they might have noticed many ), all 
 condemned me immediately. Sometimes they asked me 
 some questions, and I answered them with candor, and even 
 without reflection: then they thought I wished to teach 
 them, and that I considered myself to be very clever, and 
 accordingly they would go to my confessor to complain, 
 because they certainly wished me well, and le reprimanded 
 me. This lasted a long time, and I was afflicted in many 
 ways ; but, as I received many favors from our Lord, I was 
 
 able to endure every trouble. 
 
 I mention all these things that we may understand, what 
 trouble it is not to have a director who is experienced in the 
 ways of the Spirit; hence, if our Lord had not favored me 
 so much as He did, I know not what would have become ot 
 me, since there were circumstances sufficient to have de¬ 
 prived me of my senses; and sometimes I saw myself in 
 such a state that I knew not what to do with myself, except 
 
LI IT E OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 ' 257' 
 
 to lift up my eyes to our Lord, because the persecution which 
 I endured from good men—I who was such a weak and 
 wicked poor creature, and also so timorous, may perhaps 
 seem scarcely worth relating ; and though during my life I 
 have passed through very great troubles, yet this last I have 
 found to be the most severe I ever experienced. God grant 
 that by this trouble I may have been able to serve His Ma¬ 
 jesty a little, for I am sure that those who accused and con¬ 
 demned me promoted His service, and all tended to my 
 greater good. 
 
 CHAPTEK XXIX, 
 
 THE SAINT CONTINUES THE SAME SUBJECT, AND MENTIONS CERTAIN 
 GREAT FAVORS WHICH OUR LORD SHOWED HER, AND WHAT HE SAID 
 TO COMFORT AND CONSOLE HER, ETC. 
 
 I have wandered much from my subject, in endeavoring 
 to prove that what I have mentioned was not an effect of 
 the imagination j for how should we be able, by any study 
 of our own, to represent the Humanity of Christ, and by 
 our imagination to form any idea of such great beauty ? For 
 this purpose no little time would be requisite, if we wished 
 to represent anything which could in any manner resemble 
 it. In the one case we may well represent it before our 
 imagination, and stand looking at it for some time, and con¬ 
 sider His shape and complexion, and so go on perfecting the 
 image by little and little, and impressing it on our memory, 
 for who can take this power from the mind ? And this much 
 I am able to do by the strength of my understanding. But 
 in the present case, of which I am speaking, there is no 
 means of doing this ; for we must behold it, when and how 
 our Lord is pleased to represent it to us, and as he wishes; 
 nor can we diminish or add anything, nor use any means for 
 this purpose, however much we may endeavor to do so, 
 either towards our seeing it or forbearing to see it when we 
 wish: and if we should desire to behold any particular ob¬ 
 ject, the sight of Christ is instantly lost. For two years and 
 a half our Lord was very ordinarily pleased to grant me this 
 22 * 
 
258 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 favor (which for more than three years He has changed for 
 another of a higher kind, as I shall perhaps mention after¬ 
 wards) ; and then seeing how He would be speaking to me, 
 while I was beholding His great beauty, and the sweetness 
 with which He uttered those words, with His most lovely and 
 divine mouth, and sometimes with rigor, I had a great desire 
 to see the color of His eyes, and their size and shape, that 
 so I might be able to describe them j but never have I de¬ 
 served to behold them, nor could I gain my object by any 
 diligence, but rather the vision was then entirely lost. And 
 though sometimes I see He looks upon me with compassion, 
 yet the sight is so overpowering that the soul is not able to 
 endure it, but remains in so high a rapture, that in order to 
 enjoy Him the more completely, she loses this beautiful 
 
 spectacle. 
 
 Here it serves to little purpose, either to will or not to 
 will anything; and it is clearly seen, that our Lord desires 
 nothing but our humility and confusion, and willingness to 
 take whatever is given us, and to praise Him who gives it. 
 This holds good in all true visions, without exception, viz., 
 that one can do nothing at all, either for seeing more or less, 
 and that all our diligence is neither able to do nor undo 
 anything, because our Lord wishes us to see veiy clearly, 
 that this is no work of ours, but belongs to His Majesty; 
 and hence we are so far from being proud by such favors, 
 that they rather make us more humble and timorous, con¬ 
 sidering that as our Lord deprives us of the power of seeing 
 what we desire, so He can also take all these favors from us, 
 and His grace too, in such a manner that w T e may come to be 
 utterly lost: we must, therefore, always walk in fear, as long 
 
 as we live in this land of exile. 
 
 Our Lord has almost always represented Himself to me 
 as risen again, and the same in the Sacred Host: except 
 that sometimes, in order to strengthen me when I am in 
 tribulation, He showed me His wounds, as He was on the 
 cross, or in the garden ; and a few times He appeared with 
 His crown of thorns, and at other times carrying His cross : 
 these happened, as I have said, only when I was in some 
 trouble either of my own or from some other persons. but 
 our Lord always appeared in His glorified flesh. By men- 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 (f 
 
 \ 
 
 259 
 
 tioning these things I have suffered many affronts and 
 vexations, and great persecutions and fears. People were 
 'even so certain that I was under the influence of the devil, 
 that some persons fished me to be exorcised. This, how¬ 
 ever, gave me very little trouble; but wh^t I felt the most 
 was, to see my confessors afraid of hearing my confession, 
 or when I came to know that tales were told to them about 
 me. Still, on the whole, I know not how to be sorry for 
 having seen these heavenly visions; nor would I exchange 
 any one of them for all the goods and pleasures of the world, 
 for I always considered these “ visions ” to be great favors 
 from our Lord, and I esteem them as most precious treasures, 
 and our Lord himself has often assured me of this. I also 
 observed, that thereby I began to lov& our Lord the more, 
 and to Him I went to complain of all my troubles, and 
 always I came forth from prayer both with comfort and with 
 new strength. As to these persons, I did not presume to 
 contradict them, for I saw it made things worse, as they 
 seemed to think it was want of humility ; I consulted my 
 confessor, and whenever he found me afflicted, he always con¬ 
 soled me greatly. 
 
 As my visions began to increase, one of those who used 
 before to assist me, and sometimes hear my confessions 
 when my ordinary confessor was not in the way, began to 
 tell me I was evidently deluded by the devil. He coim 
 manded me (since there was no other means of resisting him), 
 
 “ always to be crossing and blessing myself, when I saw any 
 vision, and to use some sign of scorn, because it was certainly 
 the devil, and by this means he would come no more: and 
 that I need not fear but that God would preserve me, and 
 take him away from me.” This command was very painful 
 to me, because, as I could not help believing my prayer came 
 from God, it was a terrible thing for me to use any act of 
 scorn ; neither could I desire these things should be taken 
 away from me : still I did all that was commanded me. I 
 earnestly besought our Lord to free me from being deceived ; 
 and this I did continually, and with abundance of tears : I 
 also prayed to St. Peter and St. Paul: for as I had the first 
 vision on their festival, our Lord told me that they would 
 take such care of me that I should not be deceived: anc^ 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 260 
 
 accordingly I have often seen very clearly, though not by 
 the way of any “ imaginary ” vision, these two glorious saints 
 
 on my left hand, as my good patrons. 
 
 J 5 ut this making signs of contempt gave me excessive 
 trouble, when I saw this vision of our Lord. For when i 
 saw Him present before me, I could not be induced to believe 
 it was the devil, even though I should have been torn m 
 nieces, and therefore it was a severe kind of penance. But 
 in order that I might not be so perpetually blessing myselt, 
 
 I took a cross in my hands: and .this I did almost always. 
 But I did not use the signs of scorn so often, for this would 
 have afflicted me too much; for I remembered the injuries 
 the Jews inflicted on our Lord, and so I besought Him to 
 pardon me, since I acted in obedience to those whom he had 
 appointed in His own place, and not to blame me, since they 
 were the ministers whom He had placed in His Church. He 
 told me “ not to be troubled at this, and that I did well in 
 obeying them, and that He would make them understand the 
 truth.” But when they forbade me the use of mental 
 prayer, our Lord appeared angry at it, and told me to tell 
 them “This was tyranny.” He also gave me reasons to 
 understand that I was not deceived by the devil, as I shall 
 
 relate afterwards. . . , ,. u 
 
 When once I was holding the cross m my hand, which 
 
 was at the end of my Bosary, He took it into His hand, ancl 
 when He returned it to me, it consisted of four great stones, 
 incomparably more precious than diamonds,—for there is 
 nothing here below that can equal the supernatural: a dia¬ 
 mond is but an imperfect kind of stone in comparison with 
 those precious stones seen here. They had on them the hve 
 wounds in a most curious manner. And our Lord told me 
 I should see Him just in that way henceforth, and so I did. 
 and now I no longer saw the matter of which the cross was 
 made, but only these precious stones; no one saw them so 
 
 but myself. , , . . , , . . 
 
 When I was commanded to make these trials, and to resist 
 
 the favors, they increased much more 5 and though I should 
 wish to turn my attention to something else, yet 1 never 
 omitted prayer : nay, it seems that I was in prayer even 
 while I was asleep, for here the love of our Lord was much 
 
 \ 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 261 
 
 increased, and I would then be uttering amorous complaints 
 to Him; nor was it in my power, though I had desired it, 
 and least of all when I endeavored, to leave off thinking of 
 Him : still I obeyed as well as I could, though I was able to 
 do little or nothing therein. Our Lord never freed me from 
 obeying them 5 but though He commanded me to do as they 
 bade me, He gave me confidence on the other side, and taught 
 me what I should say to them : and this He does now, giving 
 me such convincing reasons as to make me wholly secure. 
 
 Not long after this, His Majesty began to perform what 
 He had been pleased to promise me before,—to assure me 
 more strongly that it was He ; for there grew in me so great 
 a love for God, that I knew not who infused it into me, for 
 it was of a very supernatural kind ; nor did I procure it. 
 
 I found myself dying through a desire of seeing God, and I 
 knew not how or where to seek or find this life, but by the 
 way of death. There came upon me such great impetuosities 
 of this love, that I knew not what to do with myself, though 
 they were not so insupportable, nor of such value as those I 
 have-mentioned in another place ; for nothing could satisfy 
 me, nor was I able to contain myself, but rather it seemed as 
 if my soul were really torn from my body. 0 admirable 
 artifice of our Lord ! What delicate industry dost Thou use 
 with this miserable slave of Thine! Thou didst hide Thyself 
 from me, and yet even then Thou didst press upon me by Thy 
 love, bringing on me such a sweet kind of death, as the soul 
 would never wish to be free from. Whoever has not ex¬ 
 perienced these great impetuosities cannot understand them 3 
 for this is not a kind of restlessness of the breast, nor like 
 certain devotions which sometimes are wont to choke the soul, 
 so that she can hardly contain herself. This is a more inferior 
 kind of prayer, and therein we must endeavor to remove 
 these impetuosities, by striving with sweetness to make them 
 recollected within themselves, so as to calm the soul. It is 
 something like when little children cry so much as to seem 
 to be choking, and when they have something to drink, then 
 their excessive weeping ceases. And so in this case also, 
 reason should take the bridle in the hand 5 for perhaps the 
 very natural constitution of the person himself may be the 
 fhing, which hi some degree'contributes to this state of mind, 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 2 G2 
 
 And therefore let consideration be used, for fear lest all 
 should not be perfect, and the greater part might prove o 
 nave something sensual in it. And let this child be still 
 by some caress of love, which may induce the soul to love 
 by a gentle and sweet kind of way, and not by blows, as 
 the savin o’ is. This love should be kept recollected within, 
 
 and not be like a pot which is suffered to boil over, because 
 wood is piled on the fire without discretion. They should 
 rather slake and appease the flame which is fed by that 
 vehement fire with sweet and gentle tears, but not with such 
 as are forced or painful, as they are wont to be which proceed 
 from those sentiments I spoke of before, and which do much 
 harm. Such I myself had in the beginning; and they always 
 left my head so disordered, and my soul so weaned, ttia . 
 sometimes I was not able for several days to return to the 
 exercise of prayer. We should therefore use great discretion 
 at the beginning, in order that everything may go on with 
 sweetness, and the soul may be taught the way of exercising 
 herself interiorly ; we must also endeavor as much as we can 
 
 that the exterior may be avoided. 
 
 Those other impetuosities and impulses are ot a very 
 different kind, for here it is not we who lay the wood, but 
 the fire seems to be made quite ready to our hands, and we 
 are instantly ready to cast ourselves into it, that so we may 
 be consumed. The soul does not endeavor to make lierselt 
 feel the wound which is made in her by the absence of our 
 Lord but they sometimes drive an arrow into the very in¬ 
 most part of the heart, so that the soul knows not what is 
 the matter nor what she desires, though she understands very 
 well that she desires and loves God; and that this same 
 arrow seems to be touched and rubbed over with some herb, 
 to make her abhor herself for the love of this Lord ; she 
 would willingly lose her life for His sake. It is not m our 
 power to express or relate the manner whereby God ap¬ 
 proaches such a soul, or the excessive pain it causes, which 
 makes her not know what to do with herself; but yet this 
 pain is so sweet, that there is nothing in this life which can 
 give her so much delight. As I have said, the soul would 
 be glad to be always dying of this disease. 
 
 This pain and joy together did so distract me, that I kmjw 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 263 
 
 not how they both could possibly subsist! Oh! what a 
 thing it is to see a soul so wounded ! It is just in such a 
 way that we may well say she is {( wounded,” and this for a 
 very excellent reason, for she sees very clearly that she her¬ 
 self did contribute nothing whereby this love could come, but 
 only that it seems some spark suddenly falls down upon her, 
 from that immense love our Lord has for her, which sets her 
 all on fire ! Oh ! how often, when I am in this state, do I 
 remember these words of David: “ As the hart panteth after 
 the fountains of water, so my soul panteth after thee, my 
 God.” (Psalm xli.) Methinks that then these words are 
 literally fulfilled in me. Whenever this feeling does not 
 come on me violently, it seems to me that I can appease it a 
 little, at least the soul endeavors to find some remedy (for she 
 knows not what to do), by the performance of certain penances ; 
 but they are felt by her no more, nor does it put her to any 
 more pain to shed her blood, than if the body were dead. 
 She seeks modes and ways to do something, whereby she may 
 suffer for the love of God ; but so great is her former grief 
 which she feels, that I know not of any corporal torment 
 which can remove it; for the remedy thereof does not con¬ 
 sist in any such things, since these medicines are too mean 
 for so spiritual a malady. The soul, indeed, finds some little 
 ease by these means, and by begging the remedy of her 
 misery at the hands of God, though none she sees, but death ; 
 for by this she hopes entirely to enjoy her sovereign good. 
 At other times, this pain afflicts the soul so severely, that 
 neither this nor anything else can be done, for it pierces the 
 body through and through, and she can stir neither her feet 
 nor hands ; nay, even if she were standing, she feels like one 
 transported, for she cannot so much as breathe : she utters 
 only sighs, not great in outward appearance, because she 
 cannot express them, but they are deep interiorly. 
 
 Our Lord was pleased that I should sometimes have the 
 following vision: I saw an angel very near me, on my left 
 side, in a corporeal form, which is not usual with me ; for 
 though angels are often represented to me, yet it is without 
 my seeing them, except by that kind of vision of which I 
 have already spoken. But in this vision, our Lord was 
 pleased I should see the angel in this form. He was not 
 
264 
 
 LIFE OF ST. 
 
 TERESA. 
 
 S,r;.. -, w, i ~ in j“E„r; c 
 
 ssxzxr?. rj&m-. & tr. 
 
 several times, ana in * seemed as if my 
 
 very bowels ; and when e 1 r ine( j Wholly inflamed with 
 bowels came with it, and thereof was s0 intense, that 
 
 a great love of God. In p sweetness which this 
 
 it forced deep groans fr° m ’ gQ excessive, that there was 
 extreme pain caused in ni the gou i then content 
 
 no desiring to he free froi , . g not a corpor al hut a 
 
 with anything less , * J^y does not fail to participate a 
 
 n“ r - “ f-s ‘”'1 ■* “.riSK^ 
 
 not tell the truth. . t weil t up and down 
 
 During the time ^"^“^Llnor t 5 speak, but 
 like one transported , 1 * greater happi- 
 
 only to be consumed b>-my ^ , 
 
 r steTcontinuedJome time ^n our^ord pj-ed 
 
 I should fall mto -eb great^aptures, that L, . and 
 
 resist them, even in th 1 • rmhlic But, from 
 
 so, to my great grief, tbe ^f^ tureg j have not felt this 
 the time I began to have tb^ ^ ’ poke tefore , though 
 
 CS‘to m *nd the 
 
 is different in many respects, and me> ■ 
 
 then, it seems, as if our Lord forcibly carnes^ay, ^ ^ 
 
 and puts her in , a “ nk^ent comes immediately. 
 
 M g He he'blessed forever, who bestows such high favors 
 K who corresponds so little with such great benefits, 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 265 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 V 
 
 SHE RESUMES THE HISTORY OP HER LIFE, AND MENTIONS HOW 
 OUR LORD REMEDIED MANY OF HER TROUBLES BY MEANS OF • 
 PETER OF ALCANTARA, ETC. 
 
 When I observed the little or nothing I was able to effect 
 towards resisting these great impetuosities, I began to tear 
 my having them ; for I could not understand how it was pos¬ 
 sible that pain and joy could be united ; that corporal pain 
 and spiritual joy were compatible, T knew very well; bu 
 that so excessive a spiritual pain should be compatible with 
 so extraordinary a spiritual joy, did quite astonish me Still 
 I did not omit resisting it, though yet I had such little 
 power in this respect, that I sometimes grew weary. 1 
 armed myself with the cross, with the desire of defending 
 myself from Him, who by His death, defended and succored 
 us all. I saw that no one understood me, though I dared 
 not say so to any one but my confessor, for then people 
 would have had some reason to say that I had no humility. 
 
 Our Lord was pleased to remedy a great par 1 t of my 1trouble, 
 and for that time all of it, by bringing to Avila that blessed 
 man, Father Peter of Alcantara, of whom I have already 
 made mention, and said something of his austerities : among 
 other things I was assured, that for twenty years he contin¬ 
 ually wore a garment of iron plate, in the form of a hair¬ 
 cloth. He is the author of certain little books of prayer m 
 Spanish, which are now much used; for ap he was well versed 
 in prayer, he wrote very profitably on it, and gave excel¬ 
 lent rules to those who practiced it. He observed the firs 
 rule of St. Francis in all its rigor, and did other things 
 which I have mentioned before. When, then, a certain 
 widow lady who was a great servant of God, and a particular 
 friend of mine, came to know that so great a man was there, 
 and as she was also aware of my troubles (for she was wit¬ 
 ness of my afflictions, and had comforted me on several occa¬ 
 sions, because her faith was so great, that she could not he p 
 believing I was directed by the spirit of God, though all 
 others thought I was deceived by the devil: she had like- 
 
 23 
 
2GG 
 
 LIFE 
 
 OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 wise, a very good « 
 
 her word,, ami knew 1. J ^ pray er, and to 
 
 Lord was pleased to sn b f w hich they who were 
 
 give her a knowledge of those tin g » ^ le ave tQ treat 
 
 learned were ignorant), my con e derstoo d them in many 
 with her on some matters, for ske unae ^ yery 
 
 ways, and sometimes she p r3elfe ^ 0yeP llie tnget ber with 
 
 fa\mrs which our Lord had bestowed oponme^g^ ^ 
 having received cerfam ms ^ saying anything 
 
 were very P rofi P' f Provincial that I might remain 
 
 to me, she got lea% o trom y ^ be a bl e the better to 
 
 in her house for eight i y-> there and in several 
 
 consult this holy man , an • > g rst occasion of his 
 
 churches I spoke t^^rwards’l corresponded with him on 
 
 coming to Aula, ivea him a short account of my 
 
 many occasions. “ g with the greatest possible clear- 
 
 life and manner of pi y ? . thnt he understood me 
 
 ness, I found almost at the very fir that he urn ^ 
 
 * tulTtl sowell under¬ 
 
 stand” those things, at least s0 t “re^iTtruth and sin- 
 
 ha h aU ™rth"f "whomTcommitted the care of my soul: 
 centy with those l ° ™ them even the first motions 
 
 1 also wished to make too ^ whic h might, m 
 
 of my heart and, as a j wa9 w ont to discuss 
 
 any way be doubtful o ■ ^P reasons hence I laid open 
 them against myself wi . dunlicitv Since that time, 
 
 — 1 ■? 
 
 r.,;i»»«■*“ j. x K‘S- 
 
 ““Si. .".«i r,u..r 8 ... 
 
 not by any means understand what^tlO ; ^^ at . on _ ^ j 
 
 tziuZ £ rs”-,< m. a *f~ f a:s 
 
 L,r.XvtA'hr.l"iii.ip k •’*. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 267 
 
 seemed to me to be of any value ; and of these I had received 
 none at all. But this holy man enlightened me m every¬ 
 thing, and explained all things to me, and bade me not to 
 be troubled, but to bless God, and be assured I was directed 
 by His Spirit: and that, though it was no article of faith, 
 V et nothing could be more certainly true, nor which I might 
 more firmly believe. He seemed to feel much comfort in 
 beino- with me* and he showed me every courtesy and kind¬ 
 ness? and ever afterwards took great care of me J a » d c0111 ' 
 municated his affairs to me. Finding, also, that I had the 
 same desires which he had already put into execution, anc 
 that I was likewise full of courage (for our Lord had given 
 me great resolution), he took particular pleasure m speaking 
 with me. Whenever our Lord brings any one to this state, 
 there is no pleasure or comfort which can be equal to meet- 
 in «• with such another person, to whom our Lord has given 
 some beginnings of this same disposition ; for then I had not 
 mnr‘V> mnrfi than a beffinnin2\ by what I can remember ; and 
 
 We agreed that 1 should se 
 the success I might meet wit! 
 frequently to recommend one 
 
 another to God; for so .deep 
 
268 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 was bis humility, that he valued a little the prayers of this 
 miserable creature, and this gave me great confusion. He 
 left me in possession of very great comfort and joy, and told 
 me to continue my prayer in security, and to make no doubt 
 that ft came from God ; but that whenever I was in any 
 doubt, I should, for my own greater security, mention what¬ 
 ever happened to my confessor, and that then I might con¬ 
 sider myself safe. But, notwithstanding all this, I could 
 not rest so entirely secure, because our Lord was still pleased 
 to conduct me by the way of fear, so that I was inclined to 
 believe my prayer came from the devil, when people told me 
 that it was so ; and thus no one was able to give me either 
 so much fear or so much security, as to make me give more 
 credit to either of them, than our Lord was pleased to infuse 
 into my soul. Hence, though this holy man both helped 
 and consoled me, yet I did not believe him so entirely, as to 
 bo without any fear at all, especially when our Lord some¬ 
 times, left me in troubles of mind, as I shall now relate ; but 
 as I was saying, I nevertheless enjoyed much comfort. 
 
 I could not then satisfy myself with giving thanks to God, 
 and to my glorious Father St. Joseph, who, I thought, had 
 brought the good Father to Avila; for he was commissary- 
 general of the convent of St. Joseph, to whom I used fre¬ 
 quently to recommend myself, as also to our Blessed Lady. 
 It sometimes happened to me (and so it does still, though 
 not so often), to find myself in such excessive troubles of 
 mind, joined with such violent pains and torments of the 
 body, that I knew not what to do with myself. At other 
 times, I have been subject to corporal miseries, yet more 
 grievous, but as I had not then such sorrows of mind, I 
 endured them with great joy; but when they came both to¬ 
 gether, the affliction was so great that it pained me ex¬ 
 ceedingly. 
 
 I then forgot all the favors our Lord had bestowed upon 
 me: there only remained such a remembrance of them, as 
 of something I had dreamt; and this only served to give 
 me so much more pain, for the understanding becomes dull 
 to such a degree, that it made me fall into a thousand 
 doubts and suspicions, thinking that I had not understood 
 matters well before, and that, perhaps, I had followed fancies 
 
269 
 
 Life of st. teresa. 
 
 instead of truths, and that it was enough to he deceived ray- 
 self, without trying to deceive so many good men. I also 
 seemed to myse'lf to be so very wicked, that methought all 
 the evils and heresies which had lately sprung up were 
 owing to my sins. This was a false kind of humility, which 
 the devil invented to disquiet me, and to try if he could 
 bring my soul into despair • and I know so well by experi¬ 
 ence that this is the work of the devil, that now, as he finds 
 I understand him, he does not so often torment me in this 
 way, as he was accustomed to do. 
 
 This temptation is easily discovered, by the restlessness 
 and disquiet with which it begins, and by the tumult which 
 it causes in the soul all the time it lasts; likewise, by the 
 obscurity and trouble which it produces, and by a dryness 
 and indisposition to prayer, or to any good at all; for it 
 seems both to stifle the soul and to bind up the body, so 
 that it is fit for nothing. But true humility (though the 
 soul knows herself to be wicked, and is grieved in consid¬ 
 ering what we are, and exaggerates, her wickedness as greatly 
 as I have already mentioned, and through these her sins are 
 felt to be such)—comes not with any disorder, nor does it 
 disturb the soul, or overcloud her, or cause in her any 
 aridity ; but rather comforts her, and proceeds in a quite 
 contrary way, with gentleness, sweetness, and delight; for, 
 though she is troubled on one hand, yet she is comforted on 
 the other, to see what a great favor our Lord bestows upon 
 her, in allowing her to feel that pain, and in considering how 
 well employed it is. She grieves, indeed, for having offended 
 God, but then, on the other hand, his mercy cheers her up, 
 and she has light to be confounded at herself, and to praise 
 His Majesty for having borne with her so long. But in that 
 other humility which the devil suggests, there is no light tor 
 anything that is good, but it seems to the soul as if God 
 were ready to put every one to fire and the sword. He re¬ 
 presents the divine justice to her, and though she has faith 
 in God’s mercy, because the devil has no power to destroy 
 that, yet, she believes in such a manner, that her faith gives 
 her no comfort; but rather when she considers God’s great 
 mercy, the tempter makes this serve for her greater torment, 
 28 * 
 
270 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA; 
 
 because she thinks she ought to have served God so much 
 the more. 
 
 This is a stratagem of the devil, and one of the most 
 painful, the most subtle, and disguised that I have ever 
 known, and therefore I wish your Reverence (lest, perhaps, 
 he might endeavor to tempt you in this way) to gain some 
 light, and to know him well, if he leave you understanding 
 enough to do so; but do not fancy that knowledge and 
 learning will be sufficient for this purpose; for, though I 
 want all this, yet, now as I have e^aped from him, I clearly 
 see that what he says is foolery and madness. I am sensible 
 that our Lord is pleased to permit this temptation, and 
 allow him leave to act thus, just as he tempted Job; though, 
 as I am so wicked a creature, He does not suffer the enemy 
 to tempt me with so much fierceness. 
 
 It happened to me once, and I remember it was on the 
 day preceding the Eve of Corpus Christi, a festival to which 
 I am much devoted, though not so much as I ought to be; 
 at that time this following event lasted but one day, but at 
 other times it lasted for a week or a fortnight, and sometimes 
 for three weeks or more, especially during Holy Week, which 
 used to be my delight, in point of prayer. Methinks on 
 these occasions, our Lord surprises my understanding in an 
 instant with certain things, sometimes so very trivial, that 
 at other times I would only have laughed ai them, and 
 He makes it stoop to whatever He pleases, so that the soul 
 remains chained to it, without being mistress of herself, or 
 being able to think of anything, except those impertinencies 
 which the temptation represents, and which have no substance 
 at all, but serve only to choke the soul in such a manner, as 
 not to allow her to be mistress of herself, hence I sometimes 
 have thought, that the devil goes playing with a soul, as men 
 would do with a ball, and she in the mean time has no means 
 of delivering herself from their power. It cannot be ex¬ 
 pressed how much she suffers in this case : and though she 
 goes and seeks for some remedy, God permits her not to 
 find any. She only retains,—and this she always does,—the 
 power of her free will, though it is not clear, but like a man 
 who has his eyes shut. And just as a person who has fre¬ 
 quently gone along the same way, who, though it were by 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 271 
 
 night in the dark, yet knows where he may he in danger of 
 stumbling, because he had noticed the same path in the day- 
 time, and thus he walks free from that danger; so it hap¬ 
 pens to the soul, which now seems, merely through custom, 
 not to offend God : I speak not here of that protection our 
 Lord gives her, which, however, is of the greatest import¬ 
 ance. , 
 
 Her faith then becomes dead, or, at least asleep; as her 
 
 other virtues also are, though yet they are not utterly lost, 
 for she believes what the Church teaches, and she pro¬ 
 nounces it with her mouth ; while on the other side, the 
 devil so harasses and deadens this faith, that she seems only 
 to have such a knowledge of God as men have of things 
 which they hear at a distance. Her love, also, is so luke¬ 
 warm, that if she hears God spoken of, she hearkens m such 
 a manner as to believe He is what He is, because the Chuich 
 teaches the doctrine, but she has lost all memory of what 
 she has experienced in herself. To go and pray, or remain 
 in solitude, is only to increase her affliction, for the torment 
 which she then feels within herself, and yet without knowing 
 the cause, is, in my opinion, insupportable; it is a kind of 
 picture of hell, as our Lord himself was once pleased to 
 make me understand, in a vision He gave me. Here the soul 
 burns within herself, without knowing by whom, or by what 
 means she is set on fire, or how to escape from it, or how to 
 quench it; for, as to seeking to help herself by reading, it is 
 like as if she could not read. I happened one day to read 
 the life of a saint, to see if I could relish it, and thus com¬ 
 fort myself by the consideration of what he suffered; ac¬ 
 cordingly I read half a dozen lines four or five times over, 
 hut though everything was written in my own tongue, I un¬ 
 derstood the account less at the end than I did at the begin¬ 
 ning, and so I gave over reading. This happened to me many 
 
 times, and I remember it particularly.. 
 
 To engage in conversation at that time is much worse, for 
 the devil fills us then with such an unbearable spirit of anger, 
 that it seems as if I could devour every one, without doing 
 anything more; yea, and methinks I act well in forbearing 
 to do it; and that God shows him who is placed in this cir¬ 
 cumstance a particular favor, by preserving him from doing 
 
272 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 or saying anything against his neighbor, whereby he might 
 prejudice him and offend God. 
 
 As to going to my confessor, what I shall here relate is 
 certain, for it has happened to me very often, viz., that 
 though they were saints with whom I Jtreated at that time, 
 and do still consult, yet they uttered such harsh words, and 
 rebuked me with such asperity, that when I afterwards re¬ 
 peated their words they themselves would be amazed at 
 them : and they told me it was not in their power to do 
 otherwise. For though they fully resolved within themselves 
 not to do it, and at other times had not only compassion on 
 me, but even a kind of scruple to treat me so severely, when 
 I was so full of affliction both in body and mind ; and though 
 they had resolved to comfort me with kindness, yet they were 
 not able to do it. They did not, however, use such ill lan¬ 
 guage towards me as to offend God thereby, but they would 
 use w T ords as offensive as could be heard from a confessor, 
 intending thereby to mortify me; and though at other times 
 I could have endured this with joy, yet then it became a tor¬ 
 ment to me. Sometimes I thought I had deceived them, and 
 then I would go to them, and advise them in good earnest, to be 
 on their guard against me, lest I might deceive them. I knew 
 well, however, that I would not wilfully deceive them, nor 
 tell a lie ; but the truth is, I was afraid of everything. 
 There was a certain person, who, having heard of this temp¬ 
 tation of mine, advised me not to be troubled at it, for 
 though I should wish to deceive him, yet that he would have 
 sense enough not to let me. 
 
 That which often gave me great comfort, at least most 
 frequently, was, that I used to have some respite after I had 
 communicated, and sometimes in the very instant of ap¬ 
 proaching the Blessed Sacrament, I became so perfectly well, 
 both in soul and body, that it amazed me ; for it seemed 
 that all the darkness of my soul was dispersed in a moment, 
 and that upon the rising of this Sun, I immediately discov¬ 
 ered those fooleries wherein I was engaged. At other times, 
 by hearing only one word which our Lord spoke to me in¬ 
 teriorly, such as “ Be not afraid,” or *“ Be not afflicted,” I 
 remained perfectly well; and sometimes also by seeing some 
 vision I became as if nothing ailed me. I then regaled my- 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 273 
 
 self with God, and complained to Him ior permitting me to 
 suffer such great torments, though He repaid me well, be¬ 
 cause these afflictions were always followed with a great 
 abundance of favors. Methinks the soul here comes, like gold, 
 more pure and refined out of the crucible, by seeing our Lord 
 within her ; and then all those troubles are accounted little 
 which before seemed insupportable, and she desires to suffer 
 them again, if our Lord could be served the better by them, 
 and even to endure still greater persecutions and tribula¬ 
 tions, provided they could be endured without offending 
 God : she rather rejoices to suffer for Him, since all tends to 
 her own greater gain, though I never did bear them as I 
 ought, but very imperfectly. At other times, troubles came 
 upon me in another way, and this too so suddenly, that me¬ 
 thinks I am then deprived of the possibility of thinking any¬ 
 thing good, or of desiring to do it, for that I have a body 
 and a soul which are utterly useless and burdensome. But 
 at these times I am not subject to these other temptations 
 and disquiets, but only to a disgust for all things, without 
 knowing why, so that nothing can give content to my soul. 
 
 I endeavor on these occasions to occupy myself by the 
 outward performance of some good works, and these I do as 
 it were by force; and I know well how little a soul can do 
 when God’s grace is hidden from her: but this does not 
 give me trouble, for it gives me some satisfaction to behold 
 my own baseness. At other times I find myself in such a 
 state that I am utterly unable to form any distinct idea of 
 God, nor indeed of any good in a solid manner; nor can I 
 then apply myself to prayer, though I am alone, and am 
 sensible I know God. But I find it is my understanding 
 and imagination which injure me on these occasions, for my 
 will I think is good, and is disposed to all good: but this 
 understanding of mine is so entirely lost, that it seems to 
 me like some mad fool whom no one can bind, nor am 1 so 
 far mistress of it as to make it quiet even for a few minutes. 
 Sometimes I laugh at myself, and acknowledge my misery, 
 and look at my soul and allow her to do what she likes : but 
 thanks be to God, she never, for a wonder, applies to what 
 is bad, but only to things indifferent, if anything is to be 
 done here or there or anywhere. And here I know better 
 
274 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 the exceeding great mercy our Lord shows me, when he 
 holds this fool (the imagination) bound in perfect contempla¬ 
 tion. I consider, also, what would become of me, if those 
 persons who consider me to be good were to see me in the 
 state I have described. 
 
 I have great pity on the soul to see her in such bad com¬ 
 pany. I wish to see her at liberty, and thus I speak to our 
 Lord : “ When, 0 my God ! shall I be able to see my soul 
 united in singing Thy praises, that so all her powers may 
 enjoy Thee ? Permit her not, 0 Lord, any more to be torn 
 in pieces, for now it seems as if every one of them were 
 running up and down in different ways.” Such words I 
 often repeat; and sometimes I know well that the little 
 corporal health I have, contributes much to these inconve¬ 
 niences. I also reflect much on the injury which original 
 sin brought upon us; for methinks it comes from this that 
 we are incapable of enjoying so great a good, and that my 
 own sins likewise form a part of this cause ; for if I had not 
 committed so many, I should have remained more free in 
 doing good. I also endured another very great inconveni¬ 
 ence, for I thought that I understood all the books which 
 treat of prayer, and which I read ; and that as our Lord had 
 already shown me such favors, I did not stand in need of 
 these books, but applied myself to reading the lives of the 
 Saints. And finding how much I fell short of what they 
 had done for God, this seemed to do me good, and to give 
 me strength: but yet I thought this was a sign of little 
 humility, that I should fancy I had already arrived at that 
 degree of prayer. And as I w r as not able to compose my* 
 self, I continued in great pain, till certain learned men, and 
 especially that blessed Father Peter of Alcantara, declared 
 to me that I was not to be troubled thereat. I know well 
 that I have not yet so much as begun to serve God, though 
 by His Majesty conferring favors on me is what He does to 
 those who are good ; and yet I am imperfection itself, unless 
 in my desires to love Him ; for in this respect I see well 
 that our Lord has favored me, in order that I may be able 
 to do something to serve Him. I certainly think I love 
 Him ; but my actions, and the many imperfections I discover 
 in myself, give me great uneasiness. At other times my 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. ^75 
 
 soul falls into a kind of foolery: this is the case when I think 
 I neither do good nor ill, but follow on the track of other 
 people, as the saying is ; and this neither with pain, nor 
 with glory, nor with thought of life or death, nor with plea¬ 
 sure, nor with pain : she even seems to feel nothing at all: 
 rather, she appears to go on like a little ass, which feeds 
 himself because they give him something to eat; and he 
 eats almost without thinking what he is doing. And the 
 soul, when she is in this state, cannot be without feeding on 
 some great favors from God, since she is not troubled with 
 living in such a miserable life as this, but passes through it 
 with patience and equality of mind. But these feelings and 
 effects are not experienced by her in such a way that she 
 can understand herself by them. 
 
 It now seems to me as when men sail at sea by the . 
 breath of a very gentle wind, for then they move along 
 without knowing how ; and so in these other cases the effects 
 are so very great, that the soul almost instantly perceives her 
 own improvement, and her desires immediately rise up, and 
 never can she satisfy herself. They experience these great 
 impetuosities of love to whom our Lord gives them; and it 
 is like certain little springs which I have observed to rise, 
 where the sand never ceases to move upwards. This com¬ 
 parison seems natural to me, as applicable to souls who 
 have arrived at this state; love is ever boiling upwards 
 and considering what it can do ; it cannot contain itself, just 
 as the water is not able to remain in the earth, but is cast 
 up from it: and so it is very usual with the soul not'to be 
 at rest in herself, through the love she has for God, w r ith 
 which she is so full that she wishes all other men would 
 drink of it (since she herself has abundance); that so they 
 might assist her in singing the praises of God. Oh ! how 
 often do I call to mind that living water of which our Sa¬ 
 viour spoke to the Samaritan woman !* I am very fond of 
 reading that part of the Gospel containing the account: it 
 is very true that I was so even from my childhood, though I 
 did not then understand the benefit as 1 do now; but I often 
 besought our Lord to give me this water to drink, and I had 
 
 * The Saint speaks more at length on this “living water” in her 
 “Way of Perfection,” already translated. 
 
276 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 a representation of it always near me, with this motto : “ 0 
 Lord, give me this water.” It seems to me likewise, that as 
 a fire which is very great requires fuel to burn, in order not 
 to be extinguished; so for these souls of which I am speaking, 
 it is necessary that they bring wood, however dear it may 
 cost them, in order that this fire may not go out. But I am 
 such a miserable creature myself, that I would be content if 
 I had only straws to cast in. And so it often happens to me, 
 that sometimes I laugh, and at other times I am in great 
 affliction. An interior impulse which I have is ever exciting 
 me to serve God in something (since I am not capable of 
 doing great things), such as by gathering flowers, and making 
 bouquets, and placing them around images and pictures, or 
 by sweeping a room, and doing such like little'offices which 
 might humble me. And so also if I did any penance, it was 
 all so very little, and so imperfectly done, that unless our 
 Lord had been pleased to accept the desire for the deed, I 
 saw clearly that I was good for nothing ; and I quite laughed 
 at myself. Again : it gives no small trouble to souls whom 
 God in His goodness abundantly fills with this fire of His 
 love, if they have no corporal strength to do something for 
 Him. This is indeed a great affliction, because as strength 
 is wanting to carry wood to this fire, it seems to me that the 
 soul burns herself to ashes, or else dissolves into tears, and 
 so is entirely consumed: this is a severe torment, though 
 indeed it is sweet. 
 
 Let the soul who has arrived at this state praise our Lord 
 exceedingly ; and if He have given her corporal strength to 
 do penance, or learning and talents, and power to preach, 
 and hear confessions, and bring souls to God, she knows not 
 nor understands the great benefit she possesses, unless she 
 feel what an affliction it is always to be receiving so much 
 from God, and yet to be unable to do anything for His ser¬ 
 vice. May He be blessed by all men, and may the angels 
 give him glory and honor. Amen. 
 
 I know not whether I do well in writing about so many 
 Jittle things; but since your Reverence has commanded me 
 »«ot to consider it any trouble to go into details, and that I 
 must be sure to omit nothing, I have mentioned everything 
 which I can remember with clearness and with truth I 
 
Life of st. Teresa. 
 
 277 
 
 cannot help, however, omitting many other things, the recital 
 of which would take much more time (and you know I have 
 but little at my command, as I have mentioned already )) 
 and when I had related them, they would perhaps be of 
 little benefit to you. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 SHE TREATS OF CERTAIN EXTERIOR TEMPTATIONS AND REPRESENTA¬ 
 TIONS OF THE DEVIL, ETC. 
 
 As I have already spoken of some interior and secret 
 temptations which the devil brought on me, so now I wish to 
 speak of others which were in some manner public,-and in 
 which one could not be ignorant that the evil spirit was the 
 agent. 
 
 I was once in a certain oratory, when he appeared to me 
 on my left side, in an abominable figure. I observed his 
 mouth in particular while he spoke to me, and it was most 
 terrible; for it seemed to me that a very great flame came 
 out of his body. He told me in a terrible manner, “ that 
 though I had escaped his hands, yet he would bring me 
 back again.” I was exceedingly terrified, but I blessed my¬ 
 self as well as I could, and he vanished away : but presently 
 he returned again: this happened to me twice, and I knew 
 not what to do. But as I had some “ holy water 99 near me, 
 I threw it towards the place where he was, and he never re¬ 
 turned more. Another time he was for five hours to¬ 
 gether tormenting me with terrible pains, joined with such 
 interior and exterior disquiet, that it seemed impossible for 
 me to endure it. The women who were then with me were 
 astonished to see what passed ; but they knew not what to do, 
 nor could I help myself. My custom is, when any corporal 
 sickness or pain is very intolerable, to make certain acts of 
 resignation within myself, as well as I can, beseeching our 
 Lord that His Majesty may be pleased to give me patience, 
 and that I may so suffer, if He please, even until the end 
 of the world. Whenever then I found myself suffering with 
 24 
 
278 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 so much pain, I helped myself by making some such acts and 
 resolutions, that so I might bear it the better. Our Lord 
 was pleased I should understand that I was tempted by the 
 devil, for I saw near me a very horrible little negro, gnash¬ 
 ing his teeth like one raging mad, as if he had lost something 
 which he hoped to have gained. As soon as I saw him, I 
 laughed, and showed no fear at all, for there were some per¬ 
 sons near who knew not what to do with me in this case, nor 
 what remedy to apply for so great a torment; for the blows 
 he made me give myself were very severe, and I had no 
 power at all to resist him; and what was still worse, I felt 
 so great inward disquiet, that I could in no way find any rest: 
 neither did I dare to ask for “ holy water,” lest I should 
 terrify those who were present, or let them know what the 
 matter was. I have often found by experience, that there is 
 toothing from which the devils fly more quickly, and return 
 not again, than from “ holy water;” they fly also from a cross, 
 but return again immediately. Certainly, the power of 
 “ holy water ” must be great; for my part, my soul feels a 
 particular comfort in taking it; and very generally a refresh¬ 
 ment and interior delight which I cannot express, and which 
 comforts my whole soul. This is no fancy, or a thing which 
 has happened to me only once; it has happened very often, 
 and been observed by me with great attention. It seems 
 like as if a person, who was suffering with heat and thirst, 
 should drink a glass of cold water, which would greatly re¬ 
 fresh him. I consider also, that whatever is ordained by the 
 Church is of much importance; and it is a subject of great 
 delight to me, that those words which the Church uses when 
 she blesses the water, should be so powerful in making such a 
 difference between blessed and unblessed water. I told those 
 who were present, as my torment did not cease, that if they 
 would not laugh at me, I would beg some “ holy water” of 
 them. They brought me some, and sprinkled me with it, but 
 it did me no good: I sprinkled some myself in the place 
 where the devil was, and in an instant he departed, and all 
 my pains went away also, as if some one had removed them 
 with his hand, except that I found myself as tired as if I 
 had been severely beaten. I afterwards considered, that if the 
 devil, when our Lord permits him, is able to do so much mischief 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 279 
 
 to us in body and soul, even when we are not his, what will he do 
 to them who shall fall entirely into his power! This considera¬ 
 tion gave me fresh desires to be free from such ill company. 
 
 Another time, and that very lately, the same thing hap¬ 
 pened to me when I was alone, though it did not last long; 
 then also I drove the devil away by u holy water.” Two 
 nuns who came into the room after he had departed, said 
 that they smelt a very disagreeable stench, as of brimstone ; 
 and these persons were well worthy of credit, for on no 
 Account would they tell an untruth; I myself, however, 
 did not smell anything, though I was told that the smell 
 continued so long that others might have perceived it. 
 Another time I was in the choir, when I fell into a state of 
 deep recollection, and I went away lest others might perceive 
 it; but all the nuns who were near, heard great blows given 
 in the place where I was kneeling, I also heard persons 
 talking near me, as if they were debating about some busi¬ 
 ness, though I understood not the conversation, for I w r as so 
 fixed in prayer that I understood nothing, neither had I any 
 fear. This used to happen almost every time when our Lord 
 did me the favor to confer a benefit on some soul or other by 
 my advice. It is certain that something happened to me once, 
 which I shall now relate ; and there are many witnesses of 
 it, especially my present confessor, for he read it in a letter 
 without my telling him who the person was that wrote the 
 letter, though he knew well who the individual was. 
 
 A certain person came to me, who had lived about two 
 years and a half in a most abominable mortal sin ; and 
 during all that period he neither confessed it, nor reformed 
 himself, but yet he presumed to say mass. And though he 
 confessed his other sins, yet respecting that one he used to 
 say to himself, 66 How can I ever confess so foul a crime!” 
 Still he was desirous of freeing himself from it, but knew 
 not how. I took great compassion on him, and was grieved 
 to see God offended in such a way. I promised him to beg 
 of God to grant him some remedy, and that I w T ould prevail 
 on others also to do the same, who were much better than 
 myself. I accordingly wrote to a certain person about him, 
 sending my letter by the individual himself: and it so hap¬ 
 pened that by this first letter he confessed his sin ; and thus 
 
280 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 God was pleased, by the prayers of these very holy persons 
 (I also, miserable sinner that I am, not failing to beg this 
 favor the best I could), to extend His mercy to this soul. 
 The individual wrote to inform me, that he was already so 
 far reformed, that some days had passed in which he had 
 not returned to the sin, but that the torment which the 
 temptation caused was so great, that he considered himself 
 to be in a kind of hell, and therefore that I must still re¬ 
 commend him to God. Upon this I again recommended 
 him to my sisters, by whose prayers our Lord was pleased to 
 do me the favor, for they took the matter exceedingly to 
 heart. No one could guess who the person was : and I be¬ 
 sought His M ijesty to lessen his torments and temptations, 
 and that those devils might come and torment me , provided 
 that I might not offend our Lord in anything. And it is 
 quite true that, shortly after this, I endured most grievous 
 torments for a month ; and these two afflictions which I have 
 mentioned happened at that time. But our Lord was 
 pleased, as I have siuce learnt, that the devils should not 
 afflict that person any more : his soul was strengthened and 
 became quite free, so that he could not be satisfied with 
 giving thanks to our Lord, and to me also, as if I had done 
 anything: the conviction, however, which he had, that our 
 Lord sometimes bestowed favors on me, might have been of 
 some benefit to him. He used to say, that whenever he 
 found himself greatly assaulted, he was accustomed to read 
 my letters, and that then the temptation immediately left 
 him. He was mijch amazed to lie.ar what I suffered, and the 
 manner how he himself came to be free. May our Lord be 
 praised by all men ; for the prayers of those who truly 
 serve Him, as I believe my sister’s do in this house, can do 
 much : but because I had procured those prayers, the devils 
 were exasperated against me, and our Lord permitted it for 
 my sins. About this time one night I thought they would 
 have strangled me ; but as soon as I had a quantity of 
 “holy water” sprinkled on me, I saw a multitude of them 
 falling, as it were headlong, and running away in despair. 
 So frequently do these cursed spirits torment me, and so 
 little is the fear I now have for them, seeing that they are 
 not so much as able to stir unless our Lord give them 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 281 
 
 leave, that I should weary your Reverence if I related 
 everything. 
 
 What I have already said may serve to show us, that a 
 true servant of God need give himself little trouble about 
 these scarecrows which the devils set up in order to make us 
 fear them : let him be assured that every time they see we 
 despise them they have less strength against us, and the soul 
 acquires more power over them. Some great advantage is 
 also gained, which I will not here relate, lest I should be 
 too tedious. But I will only relate what happened to me ax 
 night, on All Souls. Being in an oratory, and having re¬ 
 cited matins, and also those other devout prayers which are 
 z at the end of them in our Breviary, the devil put himself 
 on the book, that I might not finish the prayer : but I blessed 
 myself, and then he went away. I began again, and he 
 returned again ; and I think the like happened three times : 
 and until I had thrown some “ holy water” at him, I could 
 not succeed in driving him away. I saw that some souls 
 were freed from Purgatory at the moment, and that little was 
 wanting for their deliverance ; and I thought that the devil 
 wished to raise some obstacle. It is seldom that I have seen 
 the devil in any particular form, but many times I have seen 
 him without form, as I did a vision ; for as I have mentioned, 
 one sees very clearly that he is there without form: this I 
 wish to relate, because I was greatly astonished thereat. 
 
 Being one day in a certain monastery, and in the choir, 
 upon Trinity Sunday, I was in a rapture, and saw a great 
 contention of devils against angels. I knew not at the time 
 what this vision meant; but before a fortnight I understood 
 the contention, by a great disagreement which happened 
 between some persons who were given to prayer and many 
 others who were not so : and there came a great deal of harm 
 to the house on account of this contention, which continued 
 long, and caused much confusion. At another time p saw a 
 multitude round about me ; but it seemed to me that I was 
 encompassed with a great light, which did not allow them to 
 approach me. I understood by this, that our Lord kept 
 them from coming near me, in such a way that they might 
 not make me offend God. By what I had sometimes found 
 in mvself, I understood it was a true vision ; the fact is, that 
 24 * 
 
282 
 
 LIFE OF ST.TERESA. 
 
 now I know well what little power they have whenever I go 
 not against God, that I do not fear them at all ; for their 
 strength is a mere nothing, unless they find the souls whom 
 they attack to be cowardly, and that they yield to them; 
 then , indeed, they show their power. Sometimes in the 
 temptations I have already mentioned, it seems that all the 
 vanities and weaknesses of my former life revive within me, 
 so that I have need to recommend myself frequently to God ; 
 then I was presently tormented with the apprehension that all 
 came from the devil, till at last my confessor comforted me; 
 for then it seemed to me, that even the first motion of an evil 
 thought ought not to be entertained by one who had received 
 such great favors from our Lord. At other times I am tor¬ 
 mented to see myself so much esteemed, and especially now 
 that eminent persons should esteem me so much, and speak 
 such good things of me. In this I have suffered and still 
 suffer much ; and presently I consider the life of Christ and 
 of the saints, and methinks I walk in a way very contrary to 
 theirs, because they endured nothing but contempt and in¬ 
 juries. This consideration makes me so fearful, that I can 
 scarcely dare to raise up my head, and would be glad not to 
 be seen : this does not happen to me when I am suffering 
 persecution, however much I may be afflicted in body or mind ; 
 for then my soul seems to be mistress in such a "way that I 
 know not how it can be, but still she then seems to be in her 
 kingdom, and to tread all things under her feet.. This hap¬ 
 pened sometimes, and lasted many days ; and it appeared 
 to me to be virtue and humility, but now I am sensible it was 
 a temptation ; and a Dominican Father, who was a learned 
 man, declared this to me very clearly. When I thought 
 that those favors which our Lord was pleased to show me 
 would be publicly known, it was so excessive a torment to 
 me, that it troubled my soul exceedingly. I thought I could 
 more willingly have consented to be buried alive ; and so 
 when I began to have those very great recollections and rap¬ 
 tures, in such a way that it was impossible for me to resist 
 them, I remained afterwards so confounded with shame, that 
 I wished to be where no one could see me. 
 
 Being once extremely afflicted at this, our Lord asked me, 
 «What I was so much afraid of? Only one of these two 
 
.LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 283 
 
 things could happen in this matter, viz., either that they 
 would murmur against- me, or else that men would praise 
 Him meaning, that they who believed it would praise Him, 
 and that they who did not believe it would condemn me with¬ 
 out any fault of mine ; and that as both these things would 
 prove an advantage to me, I had no reason to be thus 
 troubled. These words comforted me very much, and do 
 comfort me still, whenever I call them to mind. The tempta¬ 
 tion went so far, that I was desirous of leaving this place, 
 and of retiring to some other monastery, which was much 
 more enclosed than that in which I am at present; and I 
 liked it the more, because I had heard it praised exceedingly. 
 It was also a house of my Order, and very far off, and this 
 it is which comforts me, to be in a place where I am un¬ 
 known ; but my confessor would never give his consent. 
 These fears greatly deprived me of liberty of spirit, and 
 afterwards I came to understand that this was no good 
 humility, since it gave me so much disquiet: our Lord then 
 taught me this truth, that if I were convinced and assured 
 I had no good whatever in me, but that it all came from Giod, 
 it would follow, that just as I was not sorry to hear other 
 persons praised, but was rather glad and greatly comforted, 
 that in them God made Himself manifest, so neither should 
 I be sorry that His works should be shown in me also. 
 
 I fell also into another extreme, which was to beg of God, 
 making particular prayer for this purpose, that when any 
 person should entertain a good opinion of me, His Majesty 
 would be pleased to declare my sins to him, in order that he 
 might see how, without any merit of mine, it had pleased our 
 Lord to show me favors ; and this I always earnestly desire. 
 My confessor bade me not ask it; but hitherto, till very 
 lately, if I saw any one who had a very good opinion of me, 
 I made known my sins to him by circumlocutions, or by 
 whatever way I could ; and, by this means, I thought I found 
 ease. A scruple, however, was raised in my mind thereby, 
 for, in my opinion, this proceeded not from humility, but 
 from a temptation. Many persons came to me, and it seemed 
 that I deceived them all : and they were indeed deceived if 
 they thought there was any good whatever in me ; still, I had 
 no desire to deceive them, nor did I ever intend any such 
 
284 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 thing, but our Lord allows it for some object nor would 1 
 ever have mentioned any of these matters, even to my con¬ 
 fessors, had I not been convinced it was necessary ; otherwise, 
 I should have had great scruples. But now I perceive, that 
 all these fears, and troubles, and excessive humility, do 
 savor of much imperfection, and proceed from a want of 
 mortification ; for a soul perfectly resigned into the hands of 
 God, is no more troubled at being spoken ill of, than well of, 
 if once she is deeply convinced (and our Lord wishes to grant 
 her this grace) that she has nothing at all of herself. But 
 let her confide in Him who imparts this favor, and she wiil 
 know why He discovers it; and, in the mean time, let her 
 prepare herself- for persecution, for she will certainly meet 
 with it in such an age as this, when our Lord wishes to mak6 
 it known that He bestows such favors on her. On one of 
 such souls a thousand eyes are fixed, whereas there will not 
 he one fixed on a thousand other souls, who act in a different 
 way. There is really much reason to fear, and this ought to 
 have been my fear, for the other was not humility but 
 pusillanimity. A soul which God thus permits to be exposed 
 to the eyes of the world, should prepare herself to be a 
 martyr of that same world : for if she will not die to it, she 
 will die by it. 
 
 I see nothing in this world which seems good to me, except 
 that it does not allow the least imperfection in virtuous 
 souls, and thus by means of their murmurs against them, 
 they become more perfect. But there is need of greater 
 fortitude for one who is yet imperfect to walk on in the way 
 of perfection, than even to become a martyr at once. Per¬ 
 fection is not acquired in a short time, unless by some one to 
 whom our Lord, by a particular privilege, may be pleased to 
 grant this favor. But when the world sees a person begin¬ 
 ning to wish to be perfect, then it immediately considers him 
 quite perfect, and will notice any fault in him, however 
 trifling, and perhaps will condemn him for that which, in 
 reality, is a virtue ; and the person who condemns him may 
 be accustomed to commit the self-same fault, through a bad 
 habit, judging of others by himself. Thus people wish (as 
 soon as they see an individual resolved to serve God) that 
 he should neither eat nor sleep, nor even draw breath, if 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 285 
 
 possible ; and the more they esteem such a person, the more 
 apt are they to forget, that however perfect a soul may be, 
 she is still in the body and lives upon the earth, subject to 
 all the miseries thereof, even should she tread the whole 
 world under her feet. Therefore, do I still say, there is 
 need of great courage, because the world wishes a poor soul 
 to fly, which has not yet begun to walk. She has not yet 
 overcome her passions, and still people will expect her to 
 remain in great temptations as firm and as solid as they have 
 read the saints did, after they had been confirmed in grace. 
 Here we have reason to praise God, and, at the same time 
 to be afflicted to the heart, to see so many souls turn bad 
 again; for they know not, poor creatures, what to do foi 
 themselves : so, I believe, such would have been my case, il 
 our Lord, in His infinite mercy, had not supported me. Till 
 He did so, out of His own goodness, your Eeverence has 
 already seen that I did nothing but rise and fall. I would 
 gladly be able to relate how this happened, because I am 
 persuaded that many souls are deceived <n wishing to fly 
 before God gives them wings. 
 
 I think I have already made use of this comparison; but 
 it suits my subject very well, for I find many persons much 
 afflicted on this account. As for instance, when they begin 
 with great desires and resolutions, to go forward in the 
 way of virtue (and some abandon even everything for love 
 thereof, as far as the exterior goes); and when they see 
 others more advanced than themselves, and raised by the 
 graces God has bestowed on them to a degree of virtue they 
 cannot attain; and when they read in books which treat of 
 prayer and contemplation, the means of arriving thereat, and 
 which they find themselves incapable of practicing, then they 
 are afflicted and lose courage. These means are, to care 
 little or nothing about being spoken ill of, but rather to take 
 more pleasure in it than when they praise us; to have little 
 esteem for honors; to be disengaged from kindred, and not 
 to be desirous of conversing with theifi, unless they be people 
 of prayer, and so with regard to n ally other things of this 
 kind, which must, in my opinion, be given by God, because 
 they appear to me to be supernatural blessings, and very 
 contrary to our natural inclinations. But let them not be 
 
286 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 afflicted, but trust in the Lord, that so what they now have 
 in desires, His Majesty may afterwards be pleased to give 
 them in effect by means of prayer, and by doing on their 
 part what they can. It is very necessary for this weak 
 nature of ours, to have great confidence, and not to be dis¬ 
 mayed, but to remember, that if we act with courage, we 
 shall come off with victory. And because I have much 
 experience in this matter, I will speak a word or two to 
 your Reverence, by way of advice; and you must not think 
 (though it may appear to be true) that this virtue can be 
 gained, unless we have first experienced the contrary to it. 
 We must always be fearful and careful, as long as we live, 
 for our weakness will stick close to us, unless (as I was say¬ 
 ing before) grace is given to us, that we may know the value 
 of every earthly good, and that in this life there can be no 
 advantage, which is not attended with many dangers. It 
 seemed to me, some few years ago, that not only was I not 
 attached to my relations, but rather that I was weary of 
 them; and it is very certain that there were times when I 
 could not so much as endure their conversation. But after¬ 
 wards there arose a business of great importance, which 
 obliged me to remain with a sister of mine, whom I had for¬ 
 merly loved with great affection. But when I came again 
 to converse with her, we did not remain long together; for, 
 though she was better than I was, yet, as her state was dif¬ 
 ferent from mine, since she was married, the conversation 
 was not always what I could have wished, and therefore I 
 endeavored to be alone as much as I could. I found, also, 
 that her affairs gave me much more trouble and care than 
 those of my neighbors; and so I came to understand that I 
 was not so free as I thought I was; but that it was still 
 necessary for me to avoid occasions of sin, in order that this 
 virtue which our Lord had begun to give me might increase ; 
 and I have endeavored, through His favor, to proceed in 
 this manner ever since. 
 
 When our Lord begins to give virtue to a soul, it ought 
 to be held in great esteem, and on no account should we 
 expose it to the danger of being lost: this holds good in 
 things regarding our reputation and honor, and in many 
 other cases. Be your Reverence assured, that we who think 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 287 
 
 •I 
 
 ourselves to be entirely disengaged from all things, are not 
 so in reality; and hence we have great need to be careful in 
 this respect, for whoever feels in himself any care for the 
 point of honor, let him believe me, if he wish to gain profit 
 to his soul, that there is at the end of it a chain which no 
 file can divide, but God’s grace, united with prayer and our 
 own endeavors; and this chain seems to me so strong, that 
 I am not surprised at the evil it produces. I know some 
 persons whose actions are so holy and so great, that we can¬ 
 not help admiring them, and exclaiming, “ 0 my God! how 
 comes it that such a soul is still upon the earth "? Is she not 
 already at the top of perfection'? What is this'* What can 
 keep such a soul on earth, which does such great things for 
 God'?” I answer, some point of honor detains her; and what is 
 still worse, she is unwilling to believe there is any such thing : 
 and this happens because the devil makes her think that she 
 is obliged to take care of it. But let people listen to me; 
 for the love of our Lord, I beg of them to believe me, a poor 
 little miserable ant, whom our Lord wishes to speak : be 
 assured, that unless they free themselves from this cater¬ 
 pillar, though it may not destroy the tree entirely, because 
 some other virtues perhaps remain, though worm-eaten, vet 
 it will never be a beautiful tree, nor will it ever flourish in 
 itself; no, nor even allow any others to flourish that grow 
 near it, because the fruit of good example which it gives^ is 
 not wholesome, nor does it last long. I say again and again, 
 when any point of honor is to be maintained, however incom 
 siderable it may be, it is like the stop of an organ; when 
 the tone is not correct, the whole of the sound is grating: 
 this is a matter which does harm in every way; but in this 
 way of prayer it is a very pestilence. 
 
 For then we endeavor to join ourselves to God by the way 
 of union, and we desire to follow the counsels of Christ, 
 loaded with injuries and false testimonies, and yet, at the 
 same time, we* wish to be very careful of our honor and repu¬ 
 tation. But it is not possible ever to arrive at our journey’s 
 end, without walking along the same road our Lord went. 
 Our Saviour then comes to a soul, when we endeavor to cor¬ 
 respond with His grace, and to give up, in many things, 
 even that which is our right. But some perhaps will say, 
 
288 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 “ I have no opportunity of this kind, to give up something 
 for His sake.” I believe, that whosoever has such a resolu¬ 
 tion as this, our Lord will not suffer him to lose so great a 
 good. His Majesty will ordain things in so many ways in 
 order to gain this virtue, that he will wish he had not so 
 many opportunities. Let us all then put our hands to the 
 work ; for I wish to inform you, that those miserable nothings, 
 or at least some of them which I performed,—those straws 
 of which I have spoken, and which I cast into the fire, and 
 which were fit for nothing else,—are all accepted by our 
 Lord : may He be praised for ever. Amongst my other im¬ 
 perfections I was subject to this : I had very little knowledge 
 of the Breviary, and of all that was to be performed in the 
 choir; and this happened by my being so careless and so 
 given to vanities, while, at the same time, I saw other 
 “ Novices” who were able to teach me. 
 
 I did not ask them any questions, for fear they should 
 discover my ignorance : but shortly after a good example 
 was presented to me, and this favor is usually granted by 
 Hod ; for when He had opened my eyes a little, I then asked 
 (when I was in the least doubt, though I may have known 
 the thing Very well) the little children to inform me ; and so 
 far from lessening myself in their esteem, our Lord was 
 rather pleased, in my opinion, to give me a better memory. 
 I was also a bad singer, and I was troubled if I had not 
 learnt what I was commanded, not through fear of making 
 any blunders in the presence of God (for that would have 
 been a virtue), but because so many heard me; and thus I 
 was so disturbed, purely about my reputation, that I really 
 acquitted myself much worse than I need have done. After¬ 
 wards I thought it better to tell the sisters plainly, that I 
 could not sing well, which was really the case. At first I 
 had some difficulty even in this, but afterwards I took plea¬ 
 sure in doing it, and thus it is quite true, that when a soul 
 begins not to care about her faults being known, she per¬ 
 forms her duty much better. And when I renounced this 
 unhappy desire of honor, which I fancied I could acquire in 
 singing, and which every one places where he likes, I began 
 to sing much better than before: and thus by performing 
 such poor little acts as these, His Majesty is pleased to give 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 289 
 
 them worth and vtilue, because they are done for His sake, 
 though in reality, they are nothings, and I am sure I am 
 nothing. He also helps us to perform greater things; and 
 so it happened to me in matters concerning humility, by 
 seeing that all the sisters advanced, except myself, for I was 
 never good for anything ; when, however, they left the choir, 
 I would stay to fold up their mantles; for it seemed to me 
 as if they were angels who were there singing the praises of 
 our Lord; this I continued to do till they came to hear of 
 it, and then I was not a little ashamed, for my virtue was 
 not so far advanced as to desire they might know this eir^ 
 cumstance, not because I was humble, but only lest they 
 might laugh at me, because I was so completely good for 
 nothing. 
 
 0 my Lord ! what confusion ought I not to have in behold-* 
 ing so much wickedness, and in counting such little miserable 
 grains of sand, which I did not even raise from the earth for 
 Thy honor, but all was wrapt in a thousand imperfections; 
 for the water of Thy grace had not yet flowed from beneath 
 those sands, to make them rise up. 0 my Creator! would 
 that I had something valuable to mention among so many 
 sins, since I have been commanded to relate those great 
 favors which I have received from Thee! 0 my Lord ! it is 
 
 true that I know not how my heart can endure the thought, 
 nor how any person who reads this account can help abhor¬ 
 ring me, when he sees such immense favors so ill repaid, and 
 that I am not ashamed to mention these services, as if they 
 were mine. But my not having anything else to mention 
 which I could call my own, makes me declare these base 
 beginnings of mine, in order that whoever may have made 
 greater and better beginnings may have good hopes, since 
 He who has accepted my poor beginnings as a kind of pay¬ 
 ment, will certainly accept those others which are so much 
 better than mine. May His Majesty give me grace, not 
 always to continue in these things, which are only begin¬ 
 nings. Amen. 
 
 25 
 
200 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXII. 
 
 THE SAINT MENTIONS HOW OUR LORD WAS PLEASED TO SHOW HER, 
 IN SPIRIT, THE PLACE WHICH HAD BEEN PREPARED FOR HER IN 
 HELL, AND WHICH SHE HAD DESERVED BY HER SINS. 
 
 After our Lord had bestowed many favors upon me, 
 which I have- already related, as well as many others, which 
 were very great, lie was pleased that one day, while X was 
 at prayer, I should find myself (without knowing how) in a 
 moment lodged in hell. I understood that our Lord was 
 pleased to let me see the place which the devils had pre¬ 
 pared for me there, and which I hatT deserved by my sins. 
 This lasted only for a very short time ; but yet, if I should 
 live many years, it seems impossible to forget such a place. 
 The entrance seemed to be like a long close alley, or rather 
 like a low, dark, and narrow oven; and the ground appeared 
 to be like mire, exceedingly filthy, stinking insupportably, 
 and full of a multitude of loathsome vermin. At the end 
 of it there was a certain’hollow place, as if it had been a 
 kind of a little press in the wall, into which I found myself 
 thrust, and close pent up. All that I have said might pass 
 for delightful , in comparison with what I felt in this press : 
 the torment was so dreadful that no words can express the 
 least part of it. 
 
 • I felt a fire in my soul, which I cannot express or describe, 
 as it was in reality. All those other most grievous torments, 
 almost insupportable, which I have endured, by the shrink¬ 
 ing up of all my sinews, and by other ways (which, m the 
 judgment of physicians, were the greatest that could be suf¬ 
 fered, in a corporeal way, in this world); and some also, as 
 I have said, which were caused by the devil, were all a mere 
 nothing, in comparison with what X suffered there, joined 
 with the dismal thought, that all this suffering was to be 
 without end or intermission. And even this is still nothing, 
 if compared with the continual agony the soul suffers; that 
 pressing, that stifling, that anguish so exceedingly sensible, 
 together with such desperate torturing discontent and dis¬ 
 gust, that I cannot express it. To say it is a butchering, or 
 
LIFE OF ST . TERESA. 
 
 291 
 
 rending of the soul, is to say little; for this would seem to 
 express a violence, used by some other agent to destroy her. 
 But here she is her own executioner, and even tears herself 
 in pieces. I saw not who it was that tormented me; but I 
 seemed to find myself both burnt and cut in pieces all at 
 once ; and in so dreadful a place there was no room for the 
 least hope of once meeting with any comfort or ease ; neither 
 was there any such thing as sitting or lying down. Thus 
 was I thrust into this place like a hole in the wall; and these 
 walls, which are also most horrible to the sight, press in 
 upon their prisoner, so that everything chokes and stifles 
 there. There is nothing but thick darkness, without the 
 least glimpse of light; and yet, I know not how it is, though 
 there is no light, yet one sees all that can afflict the sight. 
 
 Our Lord was not pleased I should see any more of hell 
 at that time. But afterwards I had another vision of most 
 terrible things, as punishments inflicted for certain particu¬ 
 lar vices; and these, as far as I could judge of them by the 
 sight, seemed to be more hideous than the former. But as 1 
 did not feel the pain, they did not give me so much fear. 
 But in this other vision, our Lord was pleased that I should 
 really feel those torments, and that affliction of spirit, as if 
 my very body had been suffering them. I knew not how all 
 this could be; but I understood very clearly that it was a 
 great favor, and that our Lord was pleased 1 should see, by 
 the light of my own eyes, from what place His great mercy 
 had delivered me. It is nothing to have heard people talk 
 of hell, nor to have meditated on several kinds of torments ; 
 all is nothing to this, since it is quite a different thing; and, 
 indeed, the torments of this world are no more than a mere 
 picture; and the burning here in this life is but a trifle in 
 comparison with the fire of hell. I was so astonished and 
 amazed at this sight (and so I am even now while I am 
 writing, though it happened six years ago), that at the 
 thought of it my blood seems to chill in my veins through 
 fear And whatever troubles or pains I now suffer, if I do but 
 call to my remembrance what I then endured, immediately 
 all that can be suffered in this life seems to be nothing at 
 all. I therefore say again, that this was one of the greatest 
 favors which our Lord has ever shown me; for it has been 
 
 
292 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 of very great benefit to me, both in making me lose all fear 
 about the tribulations and contradictions of this life, and 
 giving me strength to bear them; and also in teaching me 
 to give thanks to our Lord, for delivering me (as I may now 
 hope) from those dreadful and never-ending torments. 
 
 Since that time all seems easy to me, in comparison of one 
 moment of such suffering as I endured there. I wondered, 
 that having so often read books which give an account of 
 some of the torments of hell, I yet feared them so little, and 
 did not regard them as I ought to have done. Considering 
 in what state I then was, I was also astonished to see how it 
 was possible for me tv take pleasure in anything, that was 
 likely to bring me at last to so bad a place. Be lhou eter¬ 
 nally blessed, O my God! For how well hast lhou made it 
 appear, that Thou didst love me incomparably better than I 
 did myself! How often, 0 Lord! hast Thou delivered me 
 from that dark and horrible dungeon! And how often have 
 I returned to cast myself in there again, even against lhy 
 will! Hence I feel very great pain for the many souls which 
 are condemned to this prison, especially for the Lutherans, 
 because they had once been members of the Church by their 
 baptism.* This jvas followed by strong impulses to do good 
 to souls; so that it seems to me very certain, that for the 
 delivery of any one of them from such excessive torments, 1 
 could very willingly suffer many deaths. I consider that if 
 we see a person in this world, whom we love dearly, in any 
 great pain or affliction, it seems that our natural disposition 
 invites us to compassion. And, therefore, to see a soul which 
 is forever to endure that supreme affliction, and misery of 
 all miseries, who shall be able to bear it? Surely, no heart 
 can endure it without great grief. And since in this world 
 we are moved to so much compassion for those whose misery, 
 at the farthest, is to end with their lives, I know not how 
 we can be. at rest, considering what a vast number of souls 
 
 the devil daily takes with him to hell. 
 
 This also makes me desire, that in a business of so great 
 importance, we should not be satisfied with less than doing 
 all we can on our part, and leaving nothing unattempted; 
 
 * These words are remarkable, as the saint alludes to the followers of 
 Luther. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 293 
 
 and I beseech our Lord to give us His grace for this pur¬ 
 pose. When I consider, that although I was formerly very 
 wicked, yet I was somewhat careful to serve God: nor did I 
 then commit certain sins which are swallowed down by the 
 world as if they were nothing; and though I had endured 
 most dreadful sickness, with much patience that our Lord 
 gave me, and I was also not inclined to murmur, or to detract, 
 or to speak ill of anybody ] nor was X covetous or envious., 
 as far as I can remember, in any way, so as grievously to 
 offend God, for though I was so wicked, I usually had the 
 fear of God before me; yet, notwithstanding all this, I see 
 where the devils had provided me a lodging: hence I com 
 dude, that it is a dangerous thing we should take our plea¬ 
 sure here ; and that a soul ought to take no rest, which is 
 frequently falling into mortal sin. . Let us, for the love of 
 God, remove all occasions thereof, for our Lord will help us, 
 as He has done me. May His Majesty vouchsafe to hold me 
 fast in His hand, that so I may not relapse any more ; for in 
 that case T see to what place I must go : but I beseech our 
 Lord not to suffer such a calamity to happen, for the sake 
 
 of what His Majesty is. Amen. 
 
 Having now seen all these great things, and heard many 
 secrets, which our Lord through His mercy was pleased to 
 show me, concerning the glory which is prepared for the 
 good, and the torments prepared for the wicked; and desir¬ 
 ing, therefore, to find out some way and method whereby I 
 might do penance for all the sins I had committed, and be 
 enabled to do something towards obtaining so great a glory, 
 X was desirous of flying from the world, and avoiding once 
 for all the company of men. My heart could find no rest, 
 but this restlessness was not troublesome to me, but sweet 
 and delightful. It was evident it came from God, and that 
 His Majesty had given heat enough to my soul—for digest¬ 
 ing other stronger meats than she had before eaten. And 
 now I began to consider what I could do for God : the first 
 thing I thought of was to follow the u call which He had 
 given me to a religious life, and to observe my rule with the 
 greatest possible perfection. And though there were m the 
 house where I lived many servants of God, by whom He was 
 greatly served, yet as they were in great want of temporal 
 
 25 * 
 
294 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 means, many of the nuns were-often obliged to go abroad to 
 seek assistance ; still they did so with all due decorum and 
 nietY ; and besides, that house was not founded according to 
 the first rigor of the rule, but that rule only was observed 
 which was conformable with all the rest of the Order, accor 
 ing to the Bull of the Pope, granting a relaxation. I here 
 were also some other inconveniences: it seemed to me, also, 
 that the place was too good, as the house was large and 
 pleasant; but the inconvenience of leaving the monastery 
 had become very troublesome to me, though formerly 1 had 
 frequently indulged in it, because some persons, whose wishes 
 the Superiors could not refuse, were pleased that I should 
 accompany them when they went out; and the Superiors, 
 being importuned by them, commanded me to do so : and 
 thus by this means I grew accustomed to remain but seldom 
 in the monastery. The devil, also, was sure to be instru¬ 
 mental in helping me not to remain at home ; for by my 
 imparting to some of the religious there what I had learnt 
 from those with whom I used to converse, they derived much 
 advantage. Being once in the house with a certain P^on, 
 she happened to say, both to me and to others, “ TV hat 
 would you think if we were to become nuns, like those who 
 are called Piscalced, for it might be possible to form a monas¬ 
 tery of that kind 1” As I had the same desires, I began to 
 talk over the matter with this widow, who was my companion, 
 and of whom I have spoken before, for she had the same ^ 
 desires as myself. She then began to consider how she could 
 endow the monastery with rent; but I soon saw there was 
 no great probability of that, though the desire she had ot 
 doing so made us believe it might be possible. But 1, on 
 the other hand (as I found the greatest pleasure m the house 
 where I was, because it was in accordance with my own satis¬ 
 faction, and the cell in which I dwelt was very convenient), 
 delayed all I could the execution of my design, though we 
 did resolve to recommend it earnestly to Almighty Hod. 
 
 •One day after T had communicated, His Majesty earnestly 
 commanded me “ to endeavor to accomplish this object with 
 all my strength,” promising me, at the same time, c “ that the 
 monastery should certainly be established, and that He would 
 be greatly served in it j that it should be called by the name 
 
295 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 of St. Joseph; that He himself would guard us at one gate, 
 and His Mother our Lady at another ; that He would continue 
 with us, and that the place would become like a star, which 
 of itself would shine with great splendor. and that though 
 other convents were then relaxed, yet men must not tlimk 
 He was but little served therein; and what would become 
 Of the world, were it not for religious orders ?” I was told 
 to inform my confessor of all that had been said to me, and 
 that our Lord wished him not to oppose my design, nor put 
 any obstacle in the way. This vision was followed by such 
 great effects, that the “ words” used therein were uttered m 
 such a manner, that I could not possibly doubt of their hav - 1 
 ing come from Gfod. Still I experienced the greatest afflic¬ 
 tion, because all the labors and trials this project would cost 
 were represented to me. I considered how extremely happy 
 I was in my first house ; and though formerly I began. to 
 think about this matter, it was not with any determination 
 and certainty that it would succeed. It seemed, however, 
 that the reward I should have for accomplishing it was placed 
 before me ; yet when I foresaw what great trouble the under¬ 
 taking would give me, I began to doubt about what I should 
 do. But our Lord again spoke to me so many times on the 
 subject, and represented to me so many reasons for under¬ 
 taking it, that I saw clearly it was His will I should do so; 
 and I thought of nothing else but of acquainting my confessor 
 with the matter, and I gave him in writing what had taken 
 place. He did not dare expressly to command me to aban¬ 
 don the project; but he saw little hopes of accomplishing it, 
 judging humanly, because my companion, who was the per¬ 
 son to commence the work, had but little means. He told 
 me to speak on the subject with my Superior, and that I 
 should do exactly as he told me. But I did not mention 
 these visions to that Superior. The lady, however, spoke to 
 him on the matter, and told him she wished to erect a new 
 monastery. The Provincial very readily gave his consent, 
 for he was a friend to all religious orders; and so he gave 
 all the liberty and power that were necessary, and told her 
 that he would admit and accept the house. They then settled 
 the revenue which the house was to have 5 and. "we ne\er 
 wished the community to consist of more than thirteen reli- 
 
296 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 gious; and this for many reasons. But before we finally 
 settled the matter, we wrote to that holy man, Friar Peter 
 of Alcantara, and told him all that had passedhe advised 
 us to proceed with our design, and not abandon it, and gave 
 us his opinion upon the whole affair. 
 
 But as soon as our intention began to be known in the 
 town,* there instantly arose such a violent storm of perse¬ 
 cution as cannot be described in words. The scoffs, the jeers, 
 the laughter, the exclamations that it was a ridiculous, silly 
 undertaking, were more than I can describe. They said it 
 was better for me to remain where I was ; but they perse¬ 
 cuted my companion to such a degree that they quite afflicted 
 her. As for myself, I knew not what to do ) for it seemed 
 as if they had some reason for what they did. In this dis¬ 
 tress I recommended myself to God, and then His Majesty 
 began to comfort and encourage me, and told me, u that now 
 I might see through what difficulties those saints had^passed, 
 who were the founders of religious Orders in the Church ; 
 and that I was to suffer many more persecutions than I could 
 imagine, but that I must not be troubled at them. He told 
 me also some things which I was to tell my companion ; and 
 that which astonished me most was, that we were instantly 
 consoled respecting what had passed, and encouraged to bear 
 up against all trials that were to come. I am quite certain 
 that there was hardly any person of prayer who did not 
 oppose us : and indeed all in the town were entirely against 
 us, and all thought the undertaking was a most foolish thing. 
 
 The trouble and disturbance which the affair excited, in 
 the monastery were so great, that even the Provincial, 
 thinking it would be rash to act in opposition to every one, 
 changed his former opinion, and was now unwilling to admit 
 the foundation of the house. He said, (( the revenue was 
 too small, and also not very certain, and that the opposition 
 was too great.” He seemed to have reason on his side . in 
 a word, he gave up the affair altogether, and w r ould not 
 admit the house. "W e, who had already received the first 
 blows on our head, were greatly troubled at this change in 
 the Provincial 5 and especially was I afflicted to see the Pro* 
 
 * Avila. 
 
life of st. Teresa. 
 
 '297 
 
 vincial opposed to us, for had he approved of the under¬ 
 taking, then every one would have freed me from blame. 
 But to my companion people were not so favorable ; they 
 left her to herself; for they said she was bound to take 
 away the scandal. 
 
 She went, therefore, to a very learned man, who was a 
 great servant of God, and belonged to the Order of St. 
 Bominick, and told him all that had passed, and gave him 
 an account of the whole business. This happened before 
 the Provincial had given it up, for now no one in the whole 
 town would give us his opinion on the matter, and therefore 
 they might justly assert, as indeed they did, that the project 
 originated only in our own head. But this lady gave the 
 holy man an account of the whole affair, and mentioned that 
 the revenue she intended to settle on the monastery came 
 out of her own estate, and she wished he would assist us, 
 because he was the most learned man in the town at that 
 time, and there were few so learned in th whole Older. . I 
 told him likewise, all that we intended to do, and gave him 
 some reasons for the undertaking: but I did ^ not mention 
 any of my revelations ; I only dwelt on tnose natural 
 motives which struck me, because I wished him not to give 
 any opinion but what was conformable to them. He an¬ 
 swered, that he wished to have eight days to consider the 
 matter ; he also asked us, whether we were determined to do 
 whatever he should tell us; and I assured him we were. 
 But, though I said so much, and methinks I would have 
 done as I promised, vet, never did I lose the confidence that 
 the monastery would be established. The faith and confi¬ 
 dence of my companion were still greater than my own, tor, 
 whatever people might say to her, she was resolved never to 
 give up the project. But, though I considered it was quite 
 certain the work would be done, so deeply was I convinced 
 the above revelation was true (provided that it contained 
 nothing against Holy Scripture, or the decrees of the 
 Church, which we are bound to observe); yet, though 1 con¬ 
 sidered the revelation was really from God, still, if this 
 learned man had told me that we could not effect oui design 
 without offending our Lord and going against a good con¬ 
 science, I think I should instantly have abandoned it, and 
 
i 
 
 298 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 sought for some other means; but our Lord gave me no 
 other but this. This servant of God told me, some ti 
 afterwards, that he had carefully considered the matter, an 
 had come to the resolution of doing all in his power .to'induce 
 
 us to abandon the undertaking, because the opposition of the 
 
 people had already come to his ears, and also because every 
 one considered it to be a foolish thing. And a certain gen 
 tleman as soon as he heard that we intended to speak with 
 the Father, sent word to him, and advised him to consider 
 well what he did, for he would not help us. But now, when 
 he began to consider what answer he should return, and to 
 reflect seriously on the matter, and upon the intention we 
 had, and what regularity and devotion we intended to intro¬ 
 duce into the monastery, he came to the conclusion that its 
 establishment would tend much to the honor of God, and 
 that we should on no account abandon our object , and 
 hence he advised us to make all possible haste to bring ie 
 matter to a conclusion, and he gave us his own opinion as to 
 the best method we should adopt; and he told us, that 
 though the revenue was small, God was to be trusted, and 
 that whoever opposed the design should be sent to linn, for 
 he knew well what answer to give; and thus he always 
 
 assisted us, as I shall afterwards declare. 
 
 With these words we went away much comforted, and 
 we found that some holy persons who had before been 
 opposed to us, were now much more satisfied and quiet, and 
 amongst them was that devout cavalier, of whom I have 
 made mention above, who, knowing that our Order aimed at 
 great perfection, as indeed it does, because it is wholly 
 founded on prayer, he gave us his opinion, that however 
 difficult the means seemed to be, having no appearance ol 
 success, yet, it may happen to be an undertaking inspired 
 by God. Now our Lord may have disposed him to be ot 
 this mind, and the priest also,—that servant of God, who 
 was the first (as I mentioned) to give his opinion, and who 
 is a pattern for all the town, and one whom God preserves 
 there for the advancement of many souls : this person now 
 came forward to assist me in the business. We had thus 
 so far succeeded, by the help of many prayers, for we bought 
 a house, though a small one, in a good part of the town, 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 but its smallness did not trouble ire at all, for oui Lord 
 had told me before that I should take possession as well as 
 I could, and that afterwards I should see what His Majesty 
 would do; and this promise I have seen strictly performed. 
 And thus, though I found we had but little means, yet I 
 believed our Lord would so arrange matters that we should 
 be assisted in other ways. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 
 THE SAINT CONTINUES THE HISTORY OF THE FOUNDATION OF ST. 
 
 Joseph’s monastery, etc. 
 
 When the business was now so far advanced, and so near 
 being completed that the deeds were to be drawn up the very 
 next day, it happened that just then our Father Provincial 
 changed his opinion ; and I believe he was moved thereto by 
 Divine Providence, as we shall see afterwards, because, as 
 our prayers were so numerous, it seems our Lord was per¬ 
 fecting the work, and arranging things in such a way that it 
 might be accomplished in a different manner. But as the 
 Provincial was unwilling to admit the house, iny confessor 
 immediately commanded me to think no more about the 
 matter. but our Lord knows what great troubles and afflic¬ 
 tions I had to endure, before I could bring the business to its 
 present state. But, as it was now abandoned, all the former ob¬ 
 jections were confirmed, viz., “ That the project was the foolish¬ 
 ness of women,” &c.; and I had to bear all their complaints and 
 murmurs, though up to this time the Provincial had com¬ 
 manded the business to be done. 
 
 In the mean time, I was in very bad odor in the house 
 where I was, because I w'ished to have more enclosure in 
 the monastery. They said, “ That I affronted them (by my 
 new project)'; that God could be as well served there as in 
 another place; that there were persons much better than 
 myself, that I had no love for the house; that I should have 
 done much better to have procured revenues for that house 
 than for any other place.” And some even said, that I 
 ought to be thrown into prison ; and few there were who took 
 
300 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 my part in any way \ but I saw clearly that they had reasons 
 for many things they said ; and sometimes I made excuses, 
 though as I could not tell them the principal motive (which 
 was the command of our Lord), I knew not what to say, and 
 so I held my tongue. At other times our Lord showed me 
 very great favors, and all this affair of the monastery gave 
 me no trouble whatever; for I gave it up with as much 
 pleasure and facility as if it had never cost me any pam. 
 But this no one could believe, not even those persons of 
 prayer with whom I used to converse, for they thought I was 
 still full of trouble and shame; even my confessor himself 
 could hardly believe the contrary. But, as I thought I had 
 done all that lay in my power, it seemed to me I was no 
 longer obliged to promote what our Lord had commanded 
 me. I remained still in the house, quite content and at my 
 ease, though I could never help believing that the business 
 would be done. Still I neither knew how nor when, but I 
 believed that it would certainly be accomplished. 
 
 That which extremely afflicted me was, that once my con¬ 
 fessor wrote me a letter to this effect, as if I had done some¬ 
 thing against his will, though it seems our Lord was pleased 
 I should have some affliction, even by means of that which 
 was most dear to me ; and thus, in the .multitude of my per¬ 
 secutions, when I was expecting to receive some comfort, my 
 confessor, as I have said, wrote to me, saying: “ That now 
 he hoped I saw, by what had happened, that all had been a 
 dream; that I should, for the future, so far correct myself, 
 as not to meddle any more with any business, nor talk any 
 more of this business in particular, for I must have observed 
 what scandal had arisen,” &c. Other things he said which 
 gave me great pain. But this letter, I confess, gave me 
 greater pain than all my other troubles put together, because 
 I then began to think whether I might not have been the 
 cause of all the evil, and whether I did not commit an error 
 whereby God may have been offended . nay, I even began 
 to fear whether those visions might not have been illusions, 
 and my whole course of prayer have been from the devil; 
 and whether, in a word, I were not then in a state of error 
 and perdition. These thoughts so overpowered me, that I 
 fell into the most profound grief and trouble* But our 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 301 
 
 Lord, who was never wanting to me in all my afflictions, 
 often comforted and strengthened me, though this is not the 
 place to relate what He did. But He told me, “ I should 
 not trouble myself; that I had served Him well, and had 
 not offended Him in this business.” In the mean time, He 
 told me, that I should do what my confessor commanded me, 
 by keeping silence till a fit time should come to renew the 
 subject. After this I became so content and consoled, that 
 the afflictions which came upon me seemed to he a mere 
 nothing. Hereby our Lord showed me, what a very great 
 benefit it is to endure troubles and persecutions for His sake, 
 because so much had the love of God increased in my soul, 
 as well as other virtues, that I was amazed at it: and this 
 is the reason why I cannot help desiring afflictions. In the 
 mean time, other persons thought I was quite dejected with 
 what had happened, and this, indeed, would have been the 
 case, had not our Lord been pleased to honor me so much 
 with such great favors. Then greater impetuosities of divine 
 love, and greater raptures than those I mentioned before, 
 began to happen, though I did not mention them to any one, 
 nor the profit I derived from them. 
 
 In the mean time, that holy Dominican* continued to 
 believe for certain the business would succeed, and I believed 
 the same also : but I made no account of this, because I was 
 resolved to obey my confessor. The Dominican and my 
 companion arranged matters together, and wrote to Borne 
 about the affair, and made their offers. Here the devil 
 began to make it known, one person talking about these 
 things to another, that I had had some revelation on the 
 matter. Upon this, some came to me, in a great deal of fear, 
 to tell me " I had better look well to myself j that the days 
 were evil, and that, perhaps, men might lay things to my 
 charge, and complain even to the Inquisitors.” These fears 
 made me laugh, because in this matter I never had any fears, 
 because I knew well, that in all things relating to the Catholic 
 faith, even to the least ceremony of the Churph, or for the 
 truth of any doctrine in the Holy Scripture, I was ready to 
 
 ♦His name was Pedro Ibanez. (See vol. vii. of the Bollandists, p. 
 183, <fcc.) 
 
 26 
 
302 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 die a thousand deaths. I therefore desired those persons not 
 to fear for me, and that my soul would indeed be in a miser¬ 
 able condition, if anything could be found in her to make her 
 afraid of the Inquisition; and that, if I thought there were 
 any grounds to fear, I myself would be the first to go before 
 the Inquisitors ; and that if any charge were brought against 
 me, our Lord would deliver me from it, and I should be the 
 
 gainer thereby. . 
 
 I spoke on this matter with the Dominican Father, who, 
 as I have said, was so learned a man, that I could confidently 
 rely upon whatever he said. And on this occasion I told 
 him, with all the clearness I could, of all the visions I had 
 received, and of the kind of prayer I used, and of the great 
 favors which our Lord had been - pleased to show me, and I 
 begged of him to consider well all these things, and to let 
 me know if they were in any way against Holy Scripture, 
 and that he would give me his opinion thereon. This he did, 
 and so he made me very secure in my mind ) and I also 
 thought he himself derived some advantage from this matter ; 
 for though he was before very holy, yet, from that time he 
 gave himself more to prayer, and entered into a monastery 
 of his own Order, which was a place of great solitude and 
 silence, in order that he might exercise himself better m 
 prayer. There he remained about two years, and then he 
 was removed by obedience, much to his sorrow. But his 
 Superiors stood in need of such a man, and I was much 
 grieved myself when he left me, because I wanted such a 
 person, though I knew he would be the gainer. While I was 
 in trouble about his departure, Our Lord told me “ to be 
 comforted,” for he went for some good purpose. And, in¬ 
 deed, he returned afterwards, with his soul so much improved 
 in spiritual matters, that he himself told me, at his return, 
 he w 7 ould not for anything in the world have neglected 
 making the journey. I also might say the same thing, be¬ 
 cause, as he formerly comforted and consoled me only by his 
 letters, he was now able to do the same, by the great ex¬ 
 perience he had acquired in supernatural things. Our Hold 
 was also pleased to bring him back at the time when His 
 Majesty saw we stood in need of him, to assist His work concern¬ 
 ing this monastery, which it was His will should be established. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 303 
 
 In the meantime, I remained silent on this matter for five 
 or six months, neither hearing or saying anything; nor did 
 our Lord command me to do anything, and I did not know 
 the reason thereof; but still I could not help thinking that 
 the business would be accomplished sooner or later. About 
 the end of this period, the rector of the college, who be¬ 
 longed to the Society of Jesus, being removed from this 
 place, His Majesty brought another* to succeed him, who 
 was a very spiritual man, and of great courage, understand¬ 
 ing, and learning: he came at the time when I was in much 
 need of help, because, as my confessor had a Superior over 
 him, this virtue was practiced to perfection, viz., not to re¬ 
 move from any place but only in conformity to the will of 
 their Superior ; and, though he clearly understood the state 
 of my soul, and desired I might advance more and more, yet 
 he dared not, in some things, come to any fixed determina¬ 
 tion, for many reasons which he had; while, on the other 
 hand, my soul had such great impetuosities, that I found it 
 very troublesome to be tied down so much : still I resolved 
 not to swerve from his commands. 
 
 Being one day in great affliction, because I thought my 
 confessor did not believe me, our Lord told me u not to be 
 troubled thereat,” assuring me that all my troubles would 
 soon be at an end. At these words I rejoiced, thinking I 
 should soon die, and I felt great pleasure when I remem¬ 
 bered this. But I clearly perceived afterwards, that these 
 words related to the coming of this new rector, of whom I 
 have spoken, because never afterwards did I experience any 
 pain on account of this rector, for he was not opposed to the 
 sub-rector, who was my confessor ; but rather he told him to 
 console me, and assure me, “ there was no reason for me to 
 fear; and that he would not conduct my soul by such strait 
 and narrow ways, and with such restrictions, but would allow 
 the Spirit of God to work freely in me.” 
 
 Sometimes it seemed, by reason of these great impetuosi¬ 
 ties, that my soul had scarcely room to breathe. I went to 
 visit this rector, and my confessor commanded me to speak 
 to him with all candor and clearness : I felt, however, the 
 
 * His name was Gaspar de Salazar. 
 
304 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 greatest difficulty in doing so. But it is quite true, that on 
 my entrance into the Confessional, I felt in my soul I know 
 not what, and neither before nor after do I remember ever 
 to have experienced the like •. T cannot tell how it was, nor 
 can I explain it by any kind of comparison, because it was a 
 spiritual joy and an understanding which my soul had, that 
 the soul of this man would be able to understand me, and 
 that his judgment and mine would agree, although (as I have 
 said) I knew not how this would be. If I had spoken with 
 him before, or if others had told me something great about 
 him, it would not have been very surprising if I rejoiced 
 when I heard that he was to hear me. But neither of us 
 had ever spoken to each other, nor had any one ever given 
 me any account of him : but since that time I have clearly 
 seen, that my soul did not deceive me, because, by speaking 
 with him, I have derived great advantage in every way, 
 because his method of conversation is very important for 
 those persons whom our Lord seems to advance (in the road 
 of perfection), for He makes them run , and not walk step 
 by step. His method is entirely to disengage them fiom all 
 creatures, and to exercise them by mortifications; and in 
 this respect our Lord has given him very great talents, as 
 well as in many other things. As soon as I began to speak 
 with him on my affairs, I immediately understood his method, 
 and saw I had found a holy and pure soul, and that our 
 Lord had given him a particular talent in trying spirits. He 
 consoled me exceedingly. Soon after I had spoken to him, 
 our Lord began to press me to resume the business of the 
 monastery, and that I should declare both to my confessor 
 and to this rector, the many reasons why they were not to 
 oppose my design : some of these reasons made them quite 
 afraid to oppose me, because this Father rector never doubted 
 but that all was directed by the Spirit of God, since he beheld 
 and considered with great care and attention all the effects. 
 
 At last, after much consideration, they durst not presume 
 to oppose me; and my confessor again gave me leave to use 
 all my endeavors: and yet I clearly foresaw what trouble 
 the undertaking would give me, because I was quite alone, 
 and had very little power to do anything. But we agreed 
 the matter should be carried on with great secrecy, and 
 

 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 805 
 
 therefore I prevailed on a sister of mine, who lived elsewhere, 
 to buy the house with money, which our Lord found means, 
 by certain ways, to give me in order to purchase it. But it 
 would be too long to mention how our Lord continued to 
 provide for us, for I made it a point not to do anything 
 against obedience. I knew, however, that if I told anything 
 to my Superiors, the whole business would be undone, as it 
 happened before, and if I should mention the subject now, 
 things would he even much worse. In procuring money to 
 make the bargain and fit up the house, I endured many 
 troubles, and some of them all alone, though my companion 
 did what she could. But this was little, so very little, that 
 it was next to nothing; all she did was to lend her name to 
 the undertaking, and to patronize it; all the rest of the 
 trouble was mine, and it came upon me in so many ways, 
 that I now wonder how I was able to endure it. Sometimes, 
 when I was thus in affliction, I said : “ 0 my Lord ! why do 
 you command things which appear impossible ? Though I 
 am a woman, yet, if I had liberty, something might perhaps 
 be done; but being bound in all directions, without money 
 and without knowing where to get any, to pay either for the 
 brief, or for anything else, what can I do, 0 Lord ?” 
 
 Being one day in great want, and not knowing what to do, 
 and not being able to pay the workmen, St. Joseph, my true 
 father and patron, appeared to me, and told me, “ That I 
 should not fail to make the agreement, and that I should not 
 want for money.” Accordingly, I made the bargain without 
 having any money, but afterwards our Lord provided some 
 by such wonderful ways, that they who heard them were 
 amazed. 
 
 But now the house seemed to be too small; and, indeed, 
 it was so to such a degree, that it appeared impossible ever 
 to make it a monastery, and I had a good mind to buy 
 another house ; but I had no money, nor means to procure 
 any : there was another very small house near it, whereof a 
 church* might be made. But one day, after I had commu¬ 
 nicated, our Lord spoke thus to me : “ I have already told you 
 to enter how you can.” And in the manner of exclamation, 
 
 * That is, a small chapel for the nuns. 
 
 26 * 
 
306 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 He also said to me: “Oh! the covetousness of mankind r . 
 why are you afraid of wanting a little earth 1 How often 
 did I sleep in the open air, not knowing where to lay my 
 head !” These words terrified me, for I saw our Lord had 
 reason for what Ho said ; and so I went to the little house, 
 and bargained for it. Hut X found, that though it was so 
 very small, it was fit for such a monastery, and X thought no 
 more about purchasing a larger place: but I endeavored to 
 prepare this house in such a way as to make it habitable, 
 though everything was rough and coarse. All I aimed at 
 was,^hat it might not be injurious to our health, and so it 
 shall ever remain. 
 
 Upon the Feast of St. Clare, when I was about to com- 
 municaet, she appeared to me in great beauty, and told me 
 “to be of good courage, and to go on with the work I had 
 commenced, and that she would assist me. Her words 
 proved true, for a monastery of religious, belonging to her 
 Order, which is near this house, helps to support us; and 
 what is still more, she has by little and little brought my 
 desire to snob perfection, that the very same poverty which 
 that blessed saint established in her house is also practiced 
 in this belonging to us, and we live on alms. This, however, 
 cost me a great deal of trouble, in getting the point so con¬ 
 firmed by the authority of the Pope, that no innovation 
 might be made afterwards, nor the house ever have any 
 revenue. And now our Lord does even more than what I 
 have mentioned—(and perhaps this favor may have happened 
 through the intercession of this blessed saint), for His 
 Majesty provides us with all things necessary, in the most 
 abundant manner, without our asking any one. May He be 
 
 blessed for all things. Amen. ^ 
 
 Being one day, about this time,* in a certain monastery 
 belonging to the Order of the glorious St. Dominic, I was 
 considering the many sins of my former life (which I had 
 confessed in that house), and the events of my wicked way 
 of living, when suddenly there came so great a rapture upon 
 me, that it took me almost out of myself. I sat down ; and 
 yet it seemed to me I was not able either to hear Mass, or 
 
 * This was about the year 1561. 
 
307 
 
 LIFE OF ST.TERESA. 
 
 * 
 
 even to see the Elevation, for which I afterwards had some 
 scruple. While I was in this state, I appeared to be clothed 
 with a garment of great whiteness and brightness, and at 
 first, I could not tell who clothed me; but afterwards I saw 
 our Lady on the right hand, and my father, St. Joseph, on 
 the left, who clothed me with this robe. I was then given 
 to understand that I was now cleansed from my sins. When 
 I was thus clothed, and full of the greatest joy and glory, 
 our Lady immediately took hold of me by the hands, and 
 told me, “ that seeing me devoted to the glorious St. Joseph 
 gave her much pleasure ; that our Lord, and she herself, and 
 St. Joseph, would be devoutly served in the monastery; 
 that I should have no fear about this decree being changed, 
 though the obedience placed upon me might not be agreeable 
 to ni} r inclinations, because they themselves would protect 
 us ; that her Son had already promised He would remain 
 with us.” As a proof that all her words would come true, 
 she cast a very beautiful chain of gold around my neck, with 
 a cross of great value attached to it. But this gold and 
 these precious stones are so very different from those of this 
 world, that no comparison whatever can be made between 
 them, nor can we possibly imagine what their beauty was. 
 Neither can our understanding know of what the garment 
 was male, nor can it form any idea of its whiteness; for all 
 the whiteness we see in this world is like soot in comparison. 
 The beauty I saw in our Blessed Lady was beyond descrip¬ 
 tion, though I could not determine the form nor figure of any 
 particular part. I could only discern the form of her coun¬ 
 tenance : she was clad in white, and surrounded with exces¬ 
 sive splendor, yet this was sweet and not dazzling. I did 
 not see the glorious St. Joseph so clearly, though I knew 
 well he was present, as in those visions which are not seen, 
 whereof 1 have already spoken. Our Lady seemed very 
 young, and she remained with me only for a short time, but 
 I enjoyed great pleasure and glory from the sight, more in 
 my opinion than ever I had enjoyed before ; and glad would 
 I have been never to have been deprived of the vision. I 
 thought I saw both of them ascend into heaven, attended 
 with a great multitude of angels; in the meantime I was left 
 quite alone, though so comforted, and transported, and recol- 
 
308 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 lectsd in prayer, that I remained for some time unab/e either 
 to move or speak, for I was almost out of myself. I had 
 great impulses to be, as it were, annihilated for God, and 1 
 experienced some of the effects thereof; and the whole hap¬ 
 pened in such a way that I was never able (though I used 
 great endeavors) to doubt but that the vision came from 
 God. 
 
 The Queen of Angels left me very full of comfort and 
 peace, by wdiat she said to me concerning obedience; and 
 the case was this : for my part, I was unwilling to give up 
 this house to the Order ; and, indeed, our Lord Himself told 
 me that it was not proper I should give it to them : He also 
 gave me the reasons why it was not proper at all, and told 
 me to write to Rome by a certain way, and He assured me 
 He would arrange the matter so that it should be successful. 
 And so it happened ; for the business was despatched by the 
 very means whereof our Lord had spoken to me, for we never 
 should have been able to manage it ourselves. But on 
 account of what happened afterwards, I saw it was proper 
 that obedience should be shown to the Bishop, by submitting 
 the matter to him. Then, however, I did not know him, nor 
 was I aware what kind of prelate he was: but our Lord was 
 pleased he should be so good, and should favor this house as 
 much as was necessary, in order to oppose what happened 
 therein, as I shall' relate afterwards, and to place it in its 
 present condition. May He be blessed for ever who has 
 done all things ! Amen. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIY. 
 
 SHE MENTIONS HOW SHE WAS OBLIGED TO LEAVE AVILA, AND THE 
 REASON THEREOF, BEING COMMANDED TO GO BY HER SUPERIOR TO 
 COMFORT A LADY THERE, WHO WAS MUCH AFFLICTED. 
 
 Notwithstanding all the care I took that people might 
 not know what we were doing, the whole of this business 
 could not be carried on with such secrecy, without certain 
 persons knowing something about it: some believed it, and 
 others did not. I was greatly afraid, that if the Provincial 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 309 
 
 should come, and they happen to tell him about it, he might 
 command me to abandon the affair altogether, and then all 
 the undertaking would he at an end. But our. Lord or¬ 
 dained matters in such a way that in a large city,* more 
 than twenty leagues distant, there was a certain lady*j" in 
 deep affliction for the death of her husband. She was re¬ 
 duced to such extremity of sorrow that her health was en¬ 
 dangered : she had heard something of such a miserable 
 sinner as myself; for it seems our Lord had so ordained, 
 that persons spoke well of me to her, in order that other 
 good effects might be produced, which I shall mention, and 
 which followed from this journey. This lady was well ac¬ 
 quainted with the Provincial, who, considering what a 
 respectable lady she was, and that I was in a monastery 
 which did not keep enclosure, our Lord gave Jier so great 
 a desire to see me (thinking she would be comforted by my 
 means), that she could not possibly stop any longei, without 
 using all her endeavors to get me there : and so she wrote 
 to the Provincial, who was then at a great distance. He 
 sent me a command under obedience, that I should immedi¬ 
 ately visit the lady, and take a companion with me. On the 
 night of the Nativity I received the command ; and it put 
 me to some confusion, and gave me much trouble to see they 
 were resolved to take me away, as if they saw some good in 
 me. But knowing myself how wicked I was, I could not 
 endure the thought of the journey; and so, recommending 
 myself earnestly to God, I remained during all the time of 
 Matins, or at least, during the greater part of them, in a 
 great rapture. Our Lord then told me, u that I must not 
 fail to undertake the journey, and that I was not to listen to 
 the opinions of others, for few would think they could advise 
 me to go without rashness; but that, however painful the 
 journey might be to me, yet He would be greatly served 
 thereby ; and that it would also be proper to absent myself 
 from the monastery till the brief should arrive, because the 
 devil had devised a great plot when the Provincial should 
 come, but yet that I must be afraid of nothing, for He 
 would assist me in the business.” These words strengthened 
 
 * Toledo. The journey was undertaken in January, 1562. 
 
 t Her name was Louisa de la Cerda. (See Bollandists, vol. vii.) 
 
310 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 and comforted me exceedingly, and I mentioned all to the 
 rector, who told me “ that I must go by all means.” But 
 others said I ought not to go, and that it was only a strata¬ 
 gem of the devil, in order that some evil might happen to 
 me, and that my best plan would be to write to the Provin¬ 
 cial. But I obeyed the rector ; and considering also what 
 had happened in prayer, I began my journey without fear, 
 but yet not without extreme confusion to consider for what 
 object they sent for me ; and finding how much they were 
 deceived, it made me importune our Lord the more not to 
 forsake me. But I was comforted to know, that in the 
 place I was going to, there was a college belonging to the 
 Society ot Jesus ; and, by being obedient to all their com¬ 
 mands, I thought I should enjoy some security. When I 
 arrived there, our Lord was pleased to give the lady so much 
 comfort, that an improvement in her health immediately be¬ 
 gan to be visible, for every day she became better and better. 
 This was the more to be prized, because (as I said before) 
 the pain she had, kept her in great trouble. But our Lord, 
 no doubt, granted her ease on account of the many prayers 
 which certain holy persons, whom I knew, made in her be¬ 
 half, in order that everything might succeed well. She was 
 herself full of the fear of God, and so good that her deep 
 piety supplied for what was wanting in me. She conceived 
 a great affection for me ; and seeing her goodness, I con¬ 
 ceived the sante for her : but still, all was a cross to me, for 
 the .attention they paid me was a great torment to me; and 
 making so much of me caused me to fear exceedingly. My 
 soul was therefore so recollected, that I durst not be careless 
 in any way, and our Lord also was not unmindful of me ; 
 for while I was there He showed me excessive favors, and 
 these gave me such great liberty of soul, as to make me 
 despise, all the esteem I received there, and the more I re¬ 
 ceived the more I despised it, so that I failed not to treat 
 with those ladies, who were so great, with as much liberty 
 as if I had been equal to them, though they were of such 
 honorable Dirth that I might, without any dishonor to myself, 
 have been their servant. I derived great advantage from 
 all this ) and so I told her. I saw that she was a woman 
 subject to weakness and passions like myself, and what little 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 311 
 
 reason she had to esteem her greatness and power, which, in 
 proportion as it is great, brings after it so much the more 
 trouble and care. And they are so careful to live in a man¬ 
 ner conformable to their rank, that the trouble hardly allows 
 them to live, for they eat out of the proper time, and out .of 
 order, because everything must be done in accordance with 
 their station, and not with a regard to their health and 
 constitution; and sometimes even they must feed upon such 
 meats, that are more agreeable to their greatness than to 
 their taste: and thus I abhorred the idea of being a great 
 lady. 
 
 May God deliver me from such a dangerous state, though 
 she of whom I am speaking is one of the principal ladies in 
 the kingdom, and I believe there are few more humble or 
 more affable than she is ; but still I have compassion for her, 
 to see how she sometimes acts, not in conformity with her 
 own inclination, but to comply with the rules of her state. 
 In servants there is little trust to be placed; and though 
 those which she had were good, yet she could not speak more 
 confidently to one than to another; and if she does, then 
 whoever is most favored by her is sure to be less beloved by 
 the others. This high state is indeed a slavery, and one of the 
 greatest lies which the world tells is, when it calls such persons 
 as these “ lords and ladies.” To me they seem to be nothing 
 more than slaves a thousand times over. Our Lord also was 
 pleased, while I remained in this lady’s house, that the do¬ 
 mestics should greatly improve in serving His Majesty, 
 though I was not free from some troubles : and some persons 
 even envied me, on account of the great affection which thjs 
 lady had for me. They might, perhaps, fancy that I had 
 some personal interest in \tfhat I did: and so our Lord per¬ 
 mitted them to give me scnne little trials, both in this and 
 other ways, in order to prevent me from being intoxicated by 
 the kindness and attention that were paid to me on the other 
 side. But from all these troubles He was pleased to deliver 
 me, to the great benefit of my soul. 
 
 • While I was yet remaining there, a certain Religious, 
 who was a very eminent person, and whom I had sometimes 
 consulted many years before, happened to come to this place. 
 While I was at Mass one day, in a monastery of kite Order, 
 
312 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 which was near the place where I resided, a desire cam© 
 upon me to know in what disposition his soul then was, for 1 
 desired that he might become a great servant of God. I 
 rose up that I might go and speak to him ; but being already 
 recollected in prayer, 1 thought afterwards it would be lost 
 time; and besides, what had I to do with him 1 I then 
 began to sit down again, and, as far as I remember now, I 
 did this very same thing three several times. At last, my 
 good angel became stronger than the evil one, and so I went 
 and inquired for him. I began to ask him many questions, 
 as he did me also, because many years had passed away since 
 last we met, respecting the liv^s we led. I began to tell 
 him, that as for mine, it had been subject to many afflic¬ 
 tions. When he heard this, he pressed me to acquaint him 
 with those afflictions; and I replied, that it was not fit to 
 know them, nor very fit for me to relate them. But he made 
 answer, that since the Dominican Father (of whom I spoke 
 before) knew them, he would soon make him acquainted with 
 them, as they were both great friends, and therefore that I 
 should not feel any unwillingness or difficulty in relating 
 them. 
 
 The truth is, he could not refrain from importuning me, 
 nor was I able to prevent myself telling them to him. For 
 with all that trouble and shame which I used to have when¬ 
 ever I spoke on these matters, yet when I discoursed about 
 them with this man, and with the rector (of whom I have 
 already spoken), I had no trouble at all, but it was rather a 
 comfort to me. I therefore explained my whole life to him, 
 but under the seal of confession; and he appeared to me 
 more prudent than ever, though I always considered him to 
 be a man of strong understanding, and I admired the great 
 talents and qualifications he had, which would enable him to 
 do much good, were he wholly and entirely to giv<^ himself 
 up to God. This wish I have had for some years,—that I 
 cannot see any one who pleases me, but I must instantly 
 desire that he might give himself entirely to God; and I 
 wish it so ardently, that sometimes I can hardly contain 
 myself. And though I desire all the world might serve our 
 Lord, yet I desire, with great impulses and impetuosity, that 
 those who please me should do it most, and therefore I used 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 313 
 
 often to importune our Lord in their behalf. As regards 
 the religious man of whom I was speaking, he requested 
 me to recommend him earnestly to Almighty Godbut there 
 was not much necessity for him to tell me to do this, for I 
 was already so taken with him, that I could not possibly do 
 otherwise. And so I went, quite alone, to the place where 
 I was accustomed to pray; and being then in deep recollec¬ 
 tion, I began to speak with our Lord; but it was in a man¬ 
 ner so very familiar, that often I knew not what I was saying . 
 for then it is love which speaks, and the soul is so disengaged 
 from herself, that she does not consider what a difference 
 there is between her and God. The love which I know His 
 Majesty has for me makes my soul forget herself; for she 
 thinks she is then in Him: and so, as if both He and she 
 were one and the same without distinction, she speaks foolish 
 things. After I had entreated our Lord, with abundance of 
 tears, that the soul of this religious might devote herself in 
 good earnest to His service, I remembered having thus spoken 
 to our Lord : « that though I had him already in reality, yet 
 that would not content me, for I must have hiin altogether 
 and I also said, “ 0 Lord! do not refuse me this favor: con¬ 
 sider that this good man is fit to be numbered as our friend.” 
 
 Oh! how great is the goodness and kindness of God ! He 
 does not consider so much our words as the desires and affec¬ 
 tions with which they are spoken. But how could He allow 
 such a miserable creature as I am to speak to Him with so 
 much boldness ? May He be blessed for ever and ever! I 
 remember that during those hours of prayer there came upon 
 me that night a great affliction, for I was thinking whether 1 
 was in favor with God; but as I could not tell whether I 
 was in His favor or no, I desired not so much to know this 
 as to die, rather than continue in such a life, wherein I could 
 not be sure whether I was dead or no ; for I could not endure 
 a more cruel death than to think I had offended God; and 
 this pain afflicted me so much, that even caressed as 1 was 
 and dissolved in tears, I entreated His Majesty not to permit 
 it * and then I came to understand that I was in a state ot 
 grace, because such a love for God, and my having received 
 those favors and feelings from His Majesty, were not com¬ 
 patible with a soul in the state of mortal sin. In the mean 
 
 27 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 *tfU 
 
 time, I began to be confident that our Lord would grant 
 what I bad asked for that other person. He told me to say 
 certain words to him. But this command troubled me much, 
 because I knew not how to utter them; for to carry a mes¬ 
 sage to a third person, in the way I have mentioned, is what 
 always afflicts me, especially when I know not how it will be 
 received, or whether the person will not laugh at me for my 
 Dams This gave me much trouble ; but I was at last so far 
 persuaded, as to promise God that I would not neglect men¬ 
 tioning those words; and on account of the great con fusion 
 I was in, I wrote them and delivered them to him. Ihis 
 action seemed to have been inspired by God, by the great 
 effect it produced ; for he very seriously resolved to give him¬ 
 self to prayer, though still he did not do it immediately. 
 But as our Lord wished to make him wholly His own, tie 
 was pleased to declare certain truths to him by'my means, 
 which though I did not then understand myself, yet they 
 happened so opportunely for him that he was amazed thereat. 
 Our Lord disposed him to believe that they came from His 
 Majesty; and I, on the other hand, though so miserable a 
 creature, earnestly besought our Lord that He would per¬ 
 fectly turn him to Himself, and make him detest all the 
 pleasures and enjoyments of this life; and He has been 
 pleased to grant me this favor, for which may He be praised 
 forever; and He did the favor in so complete a manner, 
 that whenever this holy man speaks to me, it makes me 
 almost go out of myself; for had I not seen it with my own 
 eyes, I should have doubted whether in so short a time so 
 many favors could have been bestowed upon a creature ; and 
 these keep him so occupied on God, that already he seems 
 not to live for anything in this life. May His Majesty take 
 him by the hand, for if he should continue to advance in this 
 way (as I trust in our Lord he will)—his soul being so deeply 
 rooted in the knowledge of himself, he will become one of 
 the most eminent of God’s servants, and will do great good 
 to many souls, on account of the deep experience he has 
 acquired, in a short time, of spiritual things. These are 
 gifts which God gives when and how He likes, without any 
 respect either to time or services. I say not, but that these 
 sometimes avail much: still I wish to say, that our Lord 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 315 
 
 sometimes gives not after twenty years of contemplation what 
 He bestows upon another in one year. Our Lord knows the 
 reason of this. There is also an error which deceives us, 
 when it seems we understand that by the course of years, 
 which can, however, in no way be obtained without expe¬ 
 rience. And so many err, as I have said, in thinking they 
 are fit to judge of spiritual things, without having any spirit¬ 
 uality themselves. I say not but that a learned man, even 
 should he have no knowledge of spiritual things, may direct 
 another man who is spiritual: but this is to be understood 
 both interiorly and exteriorly, so far as it may be conform¬ 
 able with his natural powers, by the help of the understand¬ 
 ing : and as for those things which are supernatural, a person 
 must be careful to act in conformity with Holy Scripture. 
 For the rest, let him not vex or harass himself, nor imagine 
 he understands that of which in reality he knows nothing; 
 nor should he choke and stifle spirits which, as regards these 
 things, are governed by another and a higher Lord : they are 
 not without a superior of their own. 
 
 Be not amazed at this, nor let these things seem impossi¬ 
 ble to you, for all things are possible with our Lord : but 
 endeavor, to strengthen your faith, and to humble yourself, 
 when you see that our Lord knows how to make a poor igno¬ 
 rant woman more wise perhaps in this science than another 
 person, however learned he may be. By means of this humility 
 one will be able to do more good, both to the souls of others 
 and to himself, than if he became a hermit without this vir¬ 
 tue. I repeat again and again, that if he be not a man of 
 experience, and have not abundance of humility whereby to 
 know that he does not understand the matter (and such a 
 case is not impossible) then he will gain but little himself, 
 and lie also whom he guides will gain still less. But if he 
 have humility, then he need not fear our Lord will ever per¬ 
 mit that either the one or the other will be deceived. 
 
 But now to return to this Father of whom I was speak¬ 
 ing: though our Lord had given him experience in many 
 things, yet he also endeavored to acquire all that may be 
 obtained by study; and whenever his own experience fails 
 ldm, he gains information by means of those who have more. 
 And here our Lord comes in to his assistance, by giving him 
 
316 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 greater faith ; and thus he does great good, both tor his own 
 soul and to those of others also: and mine is among the 
 number: for as our Lord knew the many afflictions I should 
 have to endure, it seems His Majesty so provided, that as 
 some of them would be brought upon me by those who 
 directed me, there might be others likewise to help me in 
 these trials, and to do me great good. Our Lord has so 
 completely changed this Religious, that, so to speak, he is not 
 like the man he was before. He has also given him great 
 corporal strength to do penance, which before was impossi¬ 
 ble to him, for he was always unwell. But now he is full 
 of courage to do everything that is good; and lie has li e- 
 wise a variety of other good qualities, which make it quite 
 clear that his vocation came in a very especial manner from 
 our Lord. May He be blessed forever! I believe that all 
 the good he has received has come from the favors our Lord 
 bestowed upon him in prayer; and these are no ar 1 cia 
 things, for our Lord has been pleased to give him experience 
 of them in many cases; and he has given proofs that he 
 is one, who understands very well the value of that merit 
 which is acquired by patiently bearing persecutions. 1 trust 
 in the greatness of our Lord, that some persons of his 
 “ Order” will gain great benefit by his means, and even the 
 whole of the Order itself. This already begins to be under¬ 
 stood : I have seen wonderful visions, and our Lord has told 
 me some particulars relating both to him and the rector of 
 the college belonging to the Society of Jesus : and these par¬ 
 ticulars are deserving of great admiration. 1 lieard othe J 
 things of two more religious men, belonging to the Order ot 
 St. Dominic; but of one especially, of whose advancement 
 in spiritual matters our Lord has already manifested some 
 proofs to the world. I had also formerly heard of him; but 
 many things are related of him of whom I was speaking 
 
 before : one of these I will now relate. 
 
 I was once with him in the Locutory of the monastery, 
 and so great was the love which my soul understood was 
 burning 'in his, that I was almost absorbed by it ; for I was 
 considering the greatness of Hod, and how in so short a time 
 he had raised a soul to such an admirable state. He puts 
 me to great confusion, when I hear him listen with such eep 
 
llFE OF ST . TERESA. 
 
 317 
 
 humility to what I sometimes say to him about prayer 5 and 
 I can say but little to such a person as he was. But our 
 Lord was pleased to bear with me, through the earnest 
 desire I had to see him a great proficient in prayer. And it 
 did me so much good to be with him, that he seemed to 
 inflame my soul with new fire, and with new desires to serve 
 our Lord, just as if I had then to begin over again. 0 my 
 Jesus ! what cannot a soul do, when she is all inflamed with 
 Thy love! We ought to esteem such a soul very much, and 
 beseech our Lord to allow her to remain in this life * whoever 
 has the same kind of love should follow such souls as far as 
 
 possible. , 
 
 It is a great comfort to a sick man to find another afflicted 
 
 with the same disease, for it is a consolation for him to see 
 that he is not alone : they help one another : both to suffer 
 and to merit. They unite together like men, determined to 
 risk a thousand lives for the cause of God, and they desire 
 no other happiness than to meet with some opportunity of 
 offering themselves in sacrifice for His service. They are li^n 
 brave soldiers, who, in order to gain the spoils of their 
 enemy, and so become rich, desire that there may still <oe 
 wars, because they know well there is no other means whereby 
 to better themselves. To labor is their occupation ; and oh ! 
 what an admirable thing it is, when our Lord gives us light 
 to know how much is gained by suffering for Him! This 
 truth is not well understood, till everything be given up, 
 because whoever keeps anything for himself, proves that he 
 esteems it worth something. And if he esteem it worth some¬ 
 thing, he cannot help being sorry at leaving it. But here 
 all is quite lost, and the proverb comes in well which says, 
 <c that he is a lost man who goes after that which is lost.” 
 And what greater perdition, blindness, and misfortune, than 
 to esteem that highly which in itself is nothing V 9 
 
 To return now to what I was saying. Being excessively 
 delighted at beholding that soul, in which I thought our 
 Lord wished me clearly to see the treasures He had placed 
 in her : and considering the favor He had done me, in hav¬ 
 ing made me the means of its being effected, though I knew 
 I was unworthy of such a favor, I valued the more the 
 favors our Lord had bestowed upon him, and considered 1 
 
 27* 
 
318 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 was more a debtor for them than if they had been conferred 
 on myself; and I praised our Lord exceedingly, because I 
 saw that His Majesty still continued to accomplish my desires, 
 and to hear my prayers, in which I begged of Him to excite 
 the spirit of such persons. In the mean time, my soul, unable 
 to bear such excessive joy, went out of herself, and lost her¬ 
 self, in order to gain more. She lost these present considera¬ 
 tions, and the hearing of that divine tongue in which the 
 Holy Spirit seemed to speak, and there came on me a great 
 rapture, which made me in a manner lose my senses, though 
 it lasted but a short time. I saw Christ in very gieat 
 majesty and glory, showing that He was exceedingly well 
 pleased with what passed there. And so He told me; and 
 He wished me clearly to know that He is always present at 
 such conferences, and is extremely delighted when men love 
 to speak of Him. 
 
 At another time, being far from this, place, I saw this 
 Religious carried on high by angels with great glory. I 
 understood by this vision, that his soul was making great 
 progress.. And so she was, for he was slandered with a 
 horrible crime by a person whom he had formerly obliged, 
 and whose soul and reputation he had greatly benefited. 
 This affliction he endured with admirable patience, and he 
 did many other things which promoted God’s honor, besides 
 suffering other persecutions. 
 
 I need not, I think, relate any more here, as your Rever¬ 
 ence knows them already; but, if you think otherwise, they 
 may afterwards be related for our Lord’s greater glory. All 
 the predictions respecting this monastery which I have 
 already mentioned, and others which I shall afterwards re¬ 
 late about it, and several other matters, all have been fulfilled. 
 Some were told me three years before they were known: 
 others sooner, and some later, as our Lord related them to 
 me. I always mentioned them to my confessor, and to this 
 widow, who was my friend, with w T hom I had liberty to talk 
 freely * and she (as I learnt afterwards) discovered them to 
 others, who know that I do not lie : this our Lord never 
 allowed me to do in anything, and much less in matters so 
 important, for I always spoke the whole truth. A cousin of 
 mine dying suddenly, I was exceedingly troubled, because he 
 
319 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TEBESA. 
 
 had no time to confess. I was told in prayer that my sister 
 should die in this way, and therefore that I was to go to her, and 
 exhort her to prepare for death. This I told to my con¬ 
 fessor, and as he did not give me leave to go, our Lord 
 mentioned the matter to me several other times ; and when 
 I acquainted my confessor with this, he bade_ me go, for 
 there was no harm in doing so. She lived in a certain 
 village ; and I came there without saying any thing to her at 
 first, or telling her the reason at once. But I proceeded by 
 little and little, and gave her what light I could in every¬ 
 thing. I persuaded her to confess often, and, above all things, 
 to take care of her soul. As she was very pious she did so. 
 Having continued in this way for four or five years after¬ 
 wards, and taken very great care of her conscience, she died 
 without seeing any one, or being able to make her confession. 
 It fortunately happened, that she had been to confession!>n y 
 a week before. I was exceedingly glad when I heard of lie 
 death; she was a very short time in purgatory : it was no , 
 I think, quite eight days after, when one morning after 1 had 
 communicated, our Lord appeared to me, and I saw H 
 conduct her to glory. During all those years, up to the ve y 
 moment of her death, I never forgot what had been said 
 me, nor did my companion, who, upon the unexpected news 
 of her death, came to me quite amazed, to see how punctually 
 the words were fulfilled which our Lord had spoken to me. 
 May He be blessed forever, who takes such care ot sou s, 
 that they may not perish! Amen. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXV. 
 
 the saint continues the history oe the foundation or ST. 
 
 Joseph’s monastery, etc. 
 
 Haying now lived with the above-mentioned lady more 
 than half a year, our Lord so ordered things, that a devout 
 nun of our Order (Maria de Jesu) came to hear ot me, 
 though she was more than seventy leagues from this place. 
 She happened, however, to be traveling this way, anc un¬ 
 derstanding that I was here, she went some miles out of her 
 
320 
 
 LITE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 road in order to see me. Our Lord inspired her the same 
 year and month that He had moved me, to erect another 
 monastery of our Order: through this desire, she sold all 
 sho had, and went to Rome barefoot, in order to obtain leave. 
 She is a woman of great penance and prayer, and our Lord 
 had bestowed upon her many favors: our Blessed Lady also 
 appeared to her, and bade her execute her design. She so 
 surpassed me in serving our Lord, that I was ashamed to 
 appear before her. She showed me the despatches she brought 
 from Rome; - and, during the fortnight that we lived together, 
 we arranged how we should have these monasteries built. 
 Till I had consulted with her, I never knew that our rule, 
 before it was mitigated, forbade our having property. I 
 was unwilling to found the house without revenue, because 
 my intention was, not to harass ourselves with the care of 
 providing what was necessary for our support, not reflecting 
 on the many cares property brings along with it. But as our 
 Lord taught this blessed woman, she knew well, though not 
 able to read, what I, with all the study of our constitutions, 
 was yet ignorant of. When she told me this I was glad, 
 though I was afraid the Superiors would not consent thereto, 
 hut that they would say, “ I attempted extravagant things, 
 and should not undertake matters for which others might 
 suffer on my account.” Had it concerned myself only, 
 nothing would have withheld me from founding the house in 
 poverty j rather did I feel great pleasure in thinking that 
 I was to observe the counsels of Christ our Lord, because 
 His Majesty had already given me strong desires of poverty. 
 
 Thus, for my own part, I made no doubt but that it was 
 for the best, for long before 1 had wished this might be the 
 case suitable to my state, to go begging for the love of God, 
 and to have nothing, neither house nor anything else. But 
 I was afraid, that if our Lord did not give the same desires 
 to others, they might, perhaps, be discontented; and also I 
 was afraid lest it might be a cause of some distraction, for 
 I saw some poor monasteries not very recollected, not con¬ 
 sidering that their poverty came from want of recollection, 
 and not their want of recollection from their poverty. 
 Solicitude makes not Religious the richer, and God is never 
 wanting to those who truly serve Him. In a word, my faith 
 
LIFE OF si?. TERESA. 321 
 
 was weak, but not so that of this servant of God. Though 
 I asked the opinions of many on this matter, yet hardly any 
 one was for this project, neither confessors nor the learned 
 whom I consulted. They gave so many reasons against it, 
 that I knew not what to do : for when I understood that the 
 rule enjoined it, and that it tended to promote greater per¬ 
 fection, I could not be persuaded to admit revenues. And 
 though I sometimes found myself convinced by their reasons, 
 yet, when I afterwards returned to my prayers, and beheld 
 Christ so very poor and naked, I could not have the patience 
 to be rich: and so I begged of our Lord, with tears, that 
 He would so arrange things that I might see myself poor 
 as He was. I found so many inconveniences in having 
 revenues, and I saw so many troubles and distractions would 
 arise from them, that I did nothing but dispute with the 
 learned. I wrote to that Dominican Father who had assisted 
 us, and he sent me in writing two leaves of objections and 
 theological reasons against the project, assuring me he 
 had deeply studied the matter. I answered, that I would not 
 follow that theology which forbade me following my vocation, 
 and my vow of poverty, and the counsels of our Saviour, in 
 all perfection 5 nor did I wish that he would assist me, in 
 this point, with his learning. If I met with any one who 
 took my part, or was of the same mind as myself, I rejoiced 
 greatly. The lady with whom I lived assisted me in this 
 matter very much. Some told me, at first, they liked the 
 project very well 5 but, considering the matter afterwai ds 
 more carefully, they found so many difficulties in it, that 
 they labored all they could to dissuade me from it. My 
 answer was, that since they had changed their mind so sud¬ 
 denly, I was resolved to follow the opinion they gave fiist. 
 
 About this time it happened, that as this lady had never 
 seen the holy man, Peter of Alcantara, our Lord was pleased, 
 through my entreaties, to bring him to her house. And as 
 he was a true lover of poverty, having observed it for many 
 years, he knew well what great riches were to be found 
 therein } and, accordingly, he was of great assistance to me, 
 and he commanded me, on no account, to desist from my 
 design. Thus, with his opinion and approbation, being one 
 who could much better than others deliver his judgment, on 
 
822 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 account of his long experience, I resolved to proceed no 
 further in consulting others. 
 
 Being one day in prayer, earnestly recommending this 
 matter to God, our Lord said to me, “ By no means neglect 
 to found the house in poverty, and this is the will of my 
 Father as well as mine ; I will assist you.” These words 
 were said in a rapture, and with such effect, that I could not 
 possibly doubt of their coming from God. Another time 
 He told me, “ That in having revenues I should have con¬ 
 fusion,” with several other things in praise of poverty, 
 assuring me, that whoever should serve Him, should not 
 want necessaries ; and of this want (as I said), for. my part, 
 
 I was never afraid. Our Lord also changed the mind of the 
 Belio-ious, the Dominican, who had formerly written to me 
 against founding the house without revenue. I was now ex¬ 
 ceeding v delighted at having heard this from our Lord, and 
 having 3 had the opinions of other persons; and hence by re¬ 
 solving to live upon alms, I thought I already enjoyed 
 all the wealth in the world. 
 
 At this time my Provincial released me from the obedience 
 he had put me under, of living in that lady’s.house, leaving 
 it to my choice, either to go or to stay, as I liked best, until 
 the time came for the election of a prioress in my monastery. 
 I was informed that many intended to give me this office, the 
 mere thought of which so afflicted me, that I resolved to en¬ 
 dure any torment for God’s sake with joy .; but no one. could 
 in any way prevail on me to accept this dignity; for, in ad¬ 
 dition to the trouble, which was great, because the nuns 
 were numerous, together with other motives, I never loved 
 to be in office, but always refused it, thinking it would be 
 very dangerous to my conscience, so that I thanked God 1 
 was not there. I wrote to my friends, begging of them not 
 to vote for me. 
 
 Being very pleased on seeing myself out of this noise, our 
 Lord said to me, “ Do not neglect,, on any account, to go ; 
 and since you desire a cross, there is a good heavy one pre¬ 
 pared for you : do not refuse it, for I will support you : go 
 immediately.” These words afflicted me extiemely. an 
 did nothing but weep, because I thought the “ cross ’ was 
 to be elected superioress; and this I could not persuade my- 
 
LIFE OF S T . TERESA. 
 
 323 
 
 self would be good for my soul in any way, and I knew not 
 how T could avoid it. I mentioned the matter to my con¬ 
 fessor, who commanded me to depart immediately, for it was 
 clearly greater perfection; but, because the heat of e 
 weather was then excessive, he allowed me to remain a few 
 days longer, lest the journey might injure me, for it was 
 sufficient if I arrived in time for the election. But our 
 Lord having ordered things otherwise, I wished to obey His 
 command instantly, for I was so extremely disturbed that I 
 could not pray ; and I thought I was wanting in obedience 
 to our Lord’s commands , and by being treated there kindly, 
 and made much of, I was unwilling to go away, and expose 
 myself to suffering. All I gave to God was but words ; and 
 since I could live where there was greater perfection, why 
 did I neglect it? If I died on the way, be it so ; lo this 
 was added a heaviness of soul, and being deprived by our 
 Lord of all pleasure in prayer. In a word, I was in such a 
 state, that to stay was such a torment to me, that 1 begged 
 of the lady to allow me to depart, because my confessor, 
 seeing me in this state, had already told me to go, God haying 
 moved him as He had me. She felt my intended departure 
 so much, that this proved another affliction for .me, foi she 
 said “ it had cost me much trouble, and many importunate 
 requests, to prevail on the Provincial to allow me to come 
 
 here.” , 
 
 I considered it very extraordinary that she consented, on 
 
 account of the grief she felt; but, as she feared God, and 
 as I told her my departure would tend greatly to the Divine 
 honor, besides giving her many other reasons, and holding 
 out some hopes that she would see me again, she consented 
 with much difficulty. As for myself, I now felt no sorrow at 
 all about my departure, because when I understand that 
 anything tends to promote greater perfection, and to give 
 greater glory to God, I am contented; and the joy oun 
 in pleasing Him, took away the grief I felt in leaving this 
 lady I who I perceived regretted my departure exceedingly), 
 and in leaving others also, and especially my confessor, who 
 belonged to the Society of Jesus, and with whom I was much 
 pleased. But the more I perceived that I lost these consola¬ 
 tions for God, the more I was pleased at losing them. I 
 
324 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 could not understand how this could be, for I clearly per¬ 
 ceived these two contraries, viz., to delight and console my¬ 
 self, and to rejoice in that which grieved me to my very 
 soul; for here I lived in ease and comfort, and had an oppor¬ 
 tunity of spending many hours in prayer. But, on the 
 other hand, I saw I was about to cast myself into a fire, our 
 Lord having already signified this to me, by telling me I was 
 to endure a heavy cross (though I never thought it would 
 prove so heavy, as afterwards I found it); and yet, in spite 
 of all these things, I departed cheerfully, and was, as it were, 
 out of myself, because I could not commence the battle im¬ 
 mediately ; and since it was our Lord’s pleasure I should, 
 His Majesty gave strength to my weakness. 
 
 As 1 have already remarked, I oould not understand how 
 this would happen; I thought of this comparison. If I had 
 in my possession a jewel, or something which gave me great 
 pleasure, and should happen to know that one whom I loved 
 more than myself wished to have it, whose pleasure I pre¬ 
 ferred to my own, it would certainly give me more satisfac¬ 
 tion to he without that jewel than to keep it, because thereby 
 I should please the person whom I loved so tenderly ; and, 
 as this desire of pleasing him would exceed my own pleasure 
 in possessing it, so likewise it would remove the sorrow I 
 might feel in parting with that jewel, or anything else I 
 loved, and the pleasure I took therein. Hence, though I 
 did not wish to go, on account of the opportunity I enjoyed 
 in that lady’s house for my prayers, and through my leaving 
 persons who I saw felt my departure so much, which (as I am 
 naturally very grateful) would at another time have served 
 to afflict me deeply ; yet now, even if I wished, I could not 
 be sorry. 
 
 Not to delay my journey a day longer was so important 
 to the business of this blessed house, that I know not how it 
 could possibly have been concluded, had I then delayed. 
 Oh ! the immense greatness of God 1 Often am I astonished 
 when I observe, how particularly His Majesty was pleased 
 to help me in founding'this little chamber of God (for such 
 I believe it to be), and this lodging in which His Majesty 
 delights ; for, being once in prayer, He told me, Ci that this 
 house was the paradise of His delight; ” and so it seems His 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 825 
 
 Majesty has chosen those souls whom He has conducted there, 
 and in whose company 1 live with great confusion to myself; 
 because I myself could not have known how to desire such 
 persons for this purpose,—persons of such austerity, poverty, 
 and prayer, who suffer everything with such pleasure and 
 joy, that every one considers herself unworthy of being 
 admitted to such a place, and especially some whom our Lord 
 has drawn there from out the vanities and pleasures of the 
 world, wherein they might have lived contentedly, according 
 to its laws and customs. And our Lord has here so doubled 
 their joys, that they clearly see how, even in this life, they 
 have gained a hundred-fold for one which they left, and 
 therefore they are never weary with giving thanks to His 
 Majesty. Others our Lord has changed from good to better. 
 To the young He has given courage and understanding, in 
 order not to desire anything else, and to know, that even 
 here below, if they wish to live in quiet, they must separate 
 themselves from all worldly pleasures. To those who are 
 older and infirm, He gives strength (as He has given before) 
 to enable them to endure the same penance and austerities 
 as the others do. 
 
 0 my Lord! how does Thy power appear! we need not 
 seek out reasons for what Thou wishest to happen, since Thou 
 makest things so possible beyond all human calculation, that 
 Thou makest us understand nothing more is required, but 
 only to love Thee sincerely, and to forsake everything in good 
 earnest for Thy sake, that so Thou, 0 my Lord! mayest 
 make everything easy for us. Here one may say, that Thou 
 wishest to intimate there is some difficulty in observing Thy 
 law, since I see none, O Lord! nor do I understand how the 
 road which leads to Thee is strait. I find it a royal road, and 
 not a narrow path; a road along which he who walks in good 
 earnest, walks the more securely. Those who avoid the occa¬ 
 sions of sin, are far removed from narrow passes, and are in 
 no danger of falling from rocks. That I call a narrow path, 
 and a bad one, which on one side has a very deep valley, 
 down which one may easily slide; and on the other, a steep 
 precipice, down which the careless fall, and are dashed to 
 pieces He that loves Thee, 0 my eternal God! walks 
 securely along a broad and royal road, far from precipices; 
 
 28 
 
326 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 he stumbles not, when Thou, 0 Lord' extendest Thy hand 
 to him. If, however, he should sometimes fall, yet, such 
 falls will not ruin him if he love Thee, and not the things of 
 this world. 
 
 If men walk along the valley of humility, I cannot under¬ 
 stand why they are so afraid of putting themselves in the 
 way of perfection. May our Lord grant us in His goodness 
 to understand, what a poor security it is to be in the midst 
 of so many manifest dangers, as are to be met with by fol¬ 
 lowing the maxim and opinions of the world , and that true 
 security consists in endeavoring to advance still further in 
 the way of God. Let us fix our eyes upon Him, and fear 
 not lest this Sun of Justice should set, or leave us wander¬ 
 ing by night ■. we shall not be lost, if we do not first abandon 
 Him. Men fear not to go among lions, every one of which 
 seems as if it would tear them in pieces: I mean honors, 
 pleasures, and delights, for so the world calls them ; but 
 here, the devil makes us afraid of little mice. A thousand 
 times am I astonished at this ; and ten thousand times would 
 I be satisfied with weeping and proclaiming aloud my great 
 blindness and wickedness, in order to try if I could bo of 
 any use in making others open their eyes a little. May He 
 open them, who can do so, in His goodness, and may He 
 never allow mine to grow blind again! Amen. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVI. 
 
 THE SAINT, CONTINUING THE SAME SUBJECT, INFORMS US HOW THB 
 MONASTERY OF ST. JOSEPH WAS AT LAST FOUNDED. 
 
 Having now left that city (Toledo), I went on my journey 
 very cheerfully, being resolved most willingly to suffer what¬ 
 ever our Lord might be pleased to send me. The same 
 evening that I arrived here, there came the letters and brief 
 from Rome for the erection of the monastery, so that both I 
 and all those who knew how much our Lord hastened my 
 coming, were astonished when they understood how necessary 
 my presence was, at that very conjuncture, when our Lord 
 brought me to this place, because here I found the Bishop, 
 
327 
 
 LIFE OP ST. TERESA. 
 
 and that holy man Peter of Alcantara, and that other gen¬ 
 tleman, a great servant of God, at whose house this holy 
 man lodged; for he was a person with whom the servants of 
 God were accustomed to be entertained hospitably and cour¬ 
 teously. These two prevailed upon the Bishop to admit the 
 monastery; and this was no small favor, considering the 
 house was to have no revenue. But he was so great a fuend 
 to all those who he saw were determined to serve God, that 
 he soon consented to the proposal. That holy old man, 
 Peter of Alcantara, approved of it, and did all he could, 
 sometimes with one and sometimes with another, to promote 
 it, and to induce them to assist us. Had I not come at this 
 particular time, as I have said, I cannot imagine how the 
 business could have been effected, for this holy man re¬ 
 mained her but a short time (not more, I think, than eight 
 days, and during that time he was very ill), and soon after 
 our Lord took him to Himself. It seems our Lord had pre¬ 
 served him till he had finished this businessj for it was a long 
 times since he had been dll, I think more than two years. 
 
 Everything was done with the greatest secrecy; for had 
 not this been the case, nothing could have been accomplished, 
 for the people disliked the undertaking exceedingly, as was 
 afterwards seen. Our Lord so disposed things,That a rela¬ 
 tion of mine fell ill, he being from home at the time ; and so 
 dangerously ill was he, that leave was given me to go and 
 take care of him: and on this occasion nothing transpired, 
 though some persons had a little suspicion of the affair, but 
 they had no certainty of it. It was wonderful to see that 
 he lay no longer ill than was necessary for the business; and 
 when it was requisite he should recover (in order that I 
 might be disengaged, and the house be empty), our Lord 
 suddenlv restored him to health, so that he himself wondered 
 at the circumstance. I had great trouble in endeavoring to 
 persuade sometimes one, and sometimes another, to admit the 
 monastery; and also with the person who had been ill, and 
 with the workmen,^lo induce them to make haste, and clear 
 the house, and finish it as soon as possible, that so we might 
 have at least the form and appearance of a monastery, for a 
 great deal was yet wanting to complete it.. My companion, 
 the widow, was not here (for we thought it best for her to 
 
328 
 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 keep away, in order to disguise the matter the better) • and 
 I saw clearly that a great deal depended on despatch, and 
 this for many reasons : one was, that every hour I was afraid 
 I should be commanded to return to the monastery of the 
 Incarnation. The troubles I endured here were so numerous, 
 that they made me think this was the cross mentioned 
 by our Lord, though it seemed to me a very light one in 
 comparison with that heavy cross, which our Lord told me I 
 was to bear. 
 
 Everything being now prepared, our Lord was pleased 
 that on the feast of St. Bartholomew, some ladies took the 
 habit, and the most Blessed Sacrament was then placed 
 there : and thus, with full license and authority, this monas¬ 
 tery of our most glorious Father St. Joseph was established 
 in the year 1562. I was present to give them the habit, 
 together with two other nuns from the monastery of the In¬ 
 carnation. Now as this house (converted into a monastery) 
 was the same that my relation dwelt in ; for, as I have men¬ 
 tioned, he purchased it in order the better to conceal the 
 real object, I had leave to live in it: and I did nothing but 
 by the advice of the learned, in order not in any point to 
 offend against obedience; and these persons seeing that, on 
 many grounds, the monastery tended to the reputation and 
 advantage of the whole Order, told me I might proceed in 
 the business, though I acted with great secrecy and caution, 
 in order that my Superiors might know nothing of the mat¬ 
 ter ; and rather than commit the slightest imperfection they 
 might discover in me, I would have given up a thousand 
 monasteries, much more one; this is very certain. For 
 though I was desirous to separate myself from every one, 
 and to follow my profession and vocation with the greatest 
 perfection and enclosure, yet I desired this in such a way, 
 that whenever I understood it w T ould tend more to God’s 
 honor to abandon all this, I would have done it with tran¬ 
 quillity and cheerfulness, as I did before. I seemed then to 
 be, as it were, in a kind of glory, to seethe most Holy Sa¬ 
 crament on the altar, and shelter given to four poor orphans 
 (for they were admitted without dowry), who were great 
 servants of God ; for it was intended at the beginning that 
 such persons should be taken in who by their example might 
 
32& 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 prove a foundation. to the new edifice ; and that we might 
 attain our object of high perfection and prayer, by which a 
 work would be effected that would, I was confident, contri¬ 
 bute to the glory of our Lord, and to the honor of the habit 
 of our glorious Mother ; for this was my sole desire. Be¬ 
 sides, it gave me great consolation to behold that effected 
 which our Lord had so strictly commanded me to do, and to 
 see one more Church in this place, under the title of my 
 glorious father St. Joseph, than had been before. Not that I 
 seemed to have done anything in this business myself, for I 
 never had, nor have I now any such thought, for I always 
 knew it was our Lord who did everything. And what little 
 I had done was attended with so many imperfections, that I 
 find I rather deserved to be blamed than to be praised. But 
 it was a great pleasure to see that His Majesty had made use 
 of me, though so very wicked, to be the instrument for so 
 noble a work; and I was so transported thereat, that I was, 
 as it were, out of myself in profound prayer. 
 
 When all this was finished, I think it was some three or 
 four hours afterwards, that the devil made an attack upon 
 me in the following manner. He represented to me that 
 what I had done had perhaps been ill done, and suggested 
 whether I did not act contrary to obedience by attempting 
 to found the monastery, without a command from the Father 
 Provincial—(for I imagined he might take some offence at 
 my subjecting it to the Bishop before I had acquainted him, 
 although as the Provincial was unwilling to admit the monas¬ 
 tery, I thought he would not care much). The devil also 
 suggested to me, whether those sisters who lived here in 
 such austerity would be contented; whether they might not 
 sometimes want victuals ; whether it were not foolishness for 
 any one to put such an idea into my mind: had I not a 
 monastery of my own ? In a word, the command our Lord 
 had given me, the many opinions of others whom I consulted, 
 the prayers I offered up without ceasing almost for two 
 years,—all had now escaped my memory as completely as if 
 I had never entertained such things. I only remember it 
 was my fancy. All virtues, and even faith itself, seemed 
 then to be suspended in me, without having the power to 
 exercise one of them, or to defend myself from his blows. 
 
 28* 
 
330 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 The devil also represented to me, that as I wished to keep 
 enclosure in so strict a house, and was afflicted with so many 
 infirmities, how should I be able to endure such penance, 
 and to leave a house so spacious and delightful, and where i 
 lived so contentedly, and had so many friends ^ That per- 
 haps the sisters would not be to my liking; that I bound 
 myself to too much ; that possibly I might fall into despair; 
 and that perhaps the devil instigated me thereto, to deprive me 
 of my peace and quiet, and thus I should be unable to con¬ 
 tinue my prayer, being so disturbed, and might in the end 
 lose my soul. Thoughts of this nature the devil represented 
 to me altogether, so that I had no power to think of any¬ 
 thing else; and this was accompanied with such affliction, 
 obscurity, and darkness in my soul, that I cannot express it. 
 
 Seeing myself in this state, I went to visit the most Blessed 
 Sacrament, though I was unable to recommend myself to our 
 Lord, being in sueh agony, as if I were in the agonies of 
 death. To mention my state to any one I dared not, because 
 
 I had not a confessor appointed for me. 
 
 0 my God! what a miserable life is this, in which there is 
 no secure contentment, nor anything without change! A 
 very short time before I was so happy, that I thought I would 
 not have exchanged my happiness with any one on earth; 
 and immediately the same thing which had caused such hap¬ 
 piness tormented me in such a way that I knew not what to 
 do. Oh! did we carefully observe the events of our life, 
 every one would see by experience how little we ought to 
 
 esteem cither its joys or its sorrows. 
 
 This certainly seems to me to have been one of the sharpest 
 attacks I ever had to endure during my whole life : it appears 
 as if my soul had a presentiment of all I was to endure, 
 though had it lasted it would not have amounted to so much 
 as this. But our Lord did not abandon His poor servant in 
 her sufferings, for He always supported me in every tribula¬ 
 tion ; and so He did in this, for He gave me a little light to 
 understand those thoughts came from the. devil, and that he 
 suggested all these to terrify me with his lies. Then I began 
 to remember the strong resolutions I had made of serving 
 our Lord, and the desires I had of suffering for His sake; 
 and I considered that, if I intended to execute them, I must 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 331 
 
 Lot seek after ease ; that if I met with troubles there would 
 be merit too; and that if I bore them to honor God, they 
 might serve instead of Purgatory. What was I afraid oH 
 If I desired crosses, these were good heavy ones; and the 
 more opposition, so much the more gain; and why did I want 
 courage to. serve one to whom I was so much indebted'? 
 With these and other considerations, doing violence to my¬ 
 self, I promised before the most Holy Sacrament to do my 
 utmost to obtain leave to come and dwell in this house; and 
 in case I could do so with a good conscience, to vow per¬ 
 petual enclosure. As I was forming these resolutions the 
 devil immediately vanished, and left me quiet and content, 
 and so I have continued ever since. All that is observed in 
 this house respecting enclosure, penance, and other matters, 
 have become extremely pleasant, and are consideied to be 
 little or nothing : the delight also which we experience is so 
 very great, that sometimes I think I could not have chosen 
 in the whole world anything sweeter. This must be, in some 
 measure, the reason why I now have better health than ever 
 I had; or because there were both a reason and a necessity 
 why I should do what all the rest did, perhaps our Lord was 
 therefore pleased to give me this consolation to enable me to 
 do it, though with pain : and this strength of mine all wonder 
 at, who know my infirmities*. Blessed be He who gives every 
 gift, and who can do all things by His power! , 
 
 I was very weary and tired with this combat, and I laughed 
 to myself at the devil, for I saw clearly it came from him. I 
 believe our Lord permitted it (for during twenty-eight years 
 and more, since I have worn the habit, I never knew, even 
 for a moment, what sadness meant), in order that I might 
 understand what a great favor He had bestowed upon me in 
 this way, and from what a torment He had freed me; and 
 also, that in case I-saw any one else in the like state, I might 
 not wonder, but rather compassionate her, and be able to 
 
 console her. , . . . , . 
 
 This combat being now ended, and desiring to take a little 
 
 rest after dinner (for all the previous night I had hardly any 
 sleep, and during several other nights I was full of cares and 
 troubles, besides being tired from all the troubles of the 
 preceding days), I was informed that what had been done 
 
332 
 
 life op st. Teresa. 
 
 ♦ 
 
 was known in my monastery of the Incarnation, and also In 
 the town: immediately, for the reasons already mentioned, 
 there arose a great uproar and disturbance, which seemed to 
 be, in some measure, justifiable. The Prioress immediately 
 commanded me to come to the monastery instantly. When 
 I received her message, I went immediately, leaving my 
 nuns very unhappy. I saw I should now meet with many 
 troubles : but as the house was already established, I did not 
 trouble myself much about them. I gave myself to prayer, 
 beseeching our Lord to help me, and my Father St. Joseph 
 that he would bring me back again to his monastery ; and I 
 offered up to him whatever I was to suffer. Being exceed¬ 
 ingly desirous of an opportunity of suffering something for 
 His sake, and of being able to serve Him, I went there 
 thinking they would certainly put me into prison. This I 
 thought would be a great comfort to me, for there I should 
 not speak to any one, and would he able to repose a little 
 while in solitude: and this was necessary for me, for by con¬ 
 versing so often with people, I became, as it were, ground 
 to the dust. 
 
 As soon as I arrived, I gave an account of myself to the 
 Prioress, who then became somewhat pacified. But they all 
 sent for the Father Provincial, and the cause was to be heard 
 before him. When he came, I ‘was summoned to appear 
 before him, and I w r as exceedingly delighted to see myself 
 suffer something for the love of our Lord ; for I found that 
 I had not, in this case, offended His Majesty, nor done any¬ 
 thing against my Order, hut rather had endeavored to pro¬ 
 mote its interest with all my strength, and for it I would 
 willingly have died ; for it was my sole desire that the rules 
 should be observed with all possible perfection. I called to 
 mind the sentence passed on Christ, and saw how little that 
 was which I endured. The Provincial- blamed me very 
 sharply, for I acknowledged my fault to him, as one very 
 guilty; but he did not blame me so severely as the offence 
 deserved, and considering what so many had told him. I 
 did not wish to excuse myself, because I was resolved to 
 suffer; but I desired he would rather pardon and punish 
 me than entertain any angry feelings against me. In some 
 things I saw clearly they condemned me wrongfully : for they 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 333 
 
 said, I had commenced this undertaking to get myself a name 
 and reputation, and so on. But in other things I was con¬ 
 vinced that what' they said was true ; as, for instance, u that 
 I was the worst of all the nuns; that not having observed 
 the rules used in this house, how could I think of observing 
 them with greater strictness in another ? That I gave scan¬ 
 dal to the people, and introduced novelties.” These accu¬ 
 sations did not give me any trouble or pain, though I appeared 
 to be afflicted, lest I should seem to disregard what they said 
 to me. At test, the Father Provincial commanded me to 
 declare there before the nuns, my reasons, and the object of 
 my actions. As I was recollected within myself, and our 
 Lord assisted me, I gave my reasons in such a way, that 
 neither the Provincial nor the nuns present could find any 
 cause to condemn me. I spoke afterwards with the Father 
 Provincial alone, and informed him more in particular of the 
 success of the business. He was quite satisfied, and promised 
 that, if I could succeed in appeasing the city, he would give 
 me leave to remove to the new house, because the tumult in 
 the place was very great, as I shall now relate. 
 
 Two or three days after, the mayor and magistrates of the 
 city, together with some of the chapter, met together, and all 
 declared they would on no account consent to the establish¬ 
 ment of the new house, because it was a manifest injury to 
 the city : that the most Blessed Sacrament should be taken 
 away, and that they would not in any way allow the matter 
 to go further. They appointed several divines from every 
 Order to give rtie their opinions. Of these, some were silent, 
 and others condemned the business, and came to the conclu¬ 
 sion that the house should be dissolved. Only one Father, 
 a doctor of divinity of the Order of St. Dominic (he was 
 against us, not on account of its being a monastery, but 
 because it was poor), said, “ that there was no necessity for 
 dissolving the house so suddenly ; that the subject ought to 
 be carefully considered, since there was time enough for it; 
 that this case belonged to the Bishop,” &c. These words 
 did a great deal of good ; for, considering the excitement, it 
 was a wonder the people did not immediately pull down the 
 building. But it was to be a monastery, because our Lord 
 was pleased it should be, against whose will all of them 
 
334 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 united together could do but -little. They gave their reasons, 
 and showed great zeal; and thus, without their offending 
 God, they made me and all who were favorable to the busi¬ 
 ness (for some such there were) suffer and endure great per¬ 
 secutions. The tumult and excitement of the people were so 
 great that no one talked of anything else ; and all condemned 
 me, running first to the Provincial and then to my monastery. 
 
 I was no more moved by what they said against me than if 
 they said nothing; but the fear lest the house should be dis¬ 
 solved, and seeing that those who assisted me lost their 
 credit, and knowing what affliction they endured, all this 
 grieved me exceedingly. As to what was said about myself, 
 
 I was rather glad of it; and if I had had a little faith, I 
 should not have felt the least alteration. But a falling off 
 in any one virtue, is sufficient to lay asleep all the rest. 
 During the two days in which the meetings were held among 
 the people, I was very much troubled; and being exceeding 
 sad, our Lord said to me, £< Dost thou not know I am power¬ 
 ful? What are you afraid of?” And He assured me the 
 monastery should not be dissolved. These words consoled 
 me very much. 
 
 In the mean time the king’s council was informed of the 
 whole of the proceedings ; and an order came that an account 
 should be drawn up, on our part, how this monastery was to 
 be founded. Here, however, a great contest began ; for on 
 the part of the city some had gone to the court, and some 
 were also obliged to go on the part of the monastery. but 
 we had no money, and I knew not what to do. Our Lord 
 so ordered, that the Provincial never commanded me to 
 desist prosecuting the business; for he is such a friend to 
 any good work, that though he might not assist the business, 
 he would not put any obstacle in the way. And he would 
 not grant me leave to remove to the new house till he saw 
 what the result would be. These servants of God remained 
 alone, and did more by their prayers than I did with all my 
 labors, though I was obliged to use my utmost endeavors. 
 Sometimes all seemed lost, especially one day before the 
 Father had come, it happened that the Prioress commanded 
 me not to do anything in this business, which was in reality 
 to give up everything. I went to our Lord and said to Him, 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 335 
 
 “This house is not mine, it is established for Thee-, and 
 since there is no one to conduct the case, do Thou undertake 
 it.” Having spoken these words, I felt as great repose, and 
 as free from care, as if I had the world to plead for me, 
 and I immediately considered the business as completed. 
 
 A priest (G-onzalo de Aranda), a great servant of God and 
 friend to every perfection, who had always assisted me, went 
 to court to attend the business, and was exceedingly careful 
 to promote it; and that devout gentleman (Francisco de 
 Salcedo), whom I have already mentioned, labored exceed¬ 
 ingly in the matter, and did all he could to favor us; not, 
 however, without suffering many troubles and persecutions. 
 
 I always esteemed him, and do still esteem him a,s our father. 
 But our Lord inspired those who assisted us with such zeal 
 and fervor, that each one took up the business as if it had 
 been his own in particular, and his life and honor had been 
 at stake therein ; being, however, no further concerned than 
 because they thought it would tend to the glory of God. 
 Our Lord’s help to a certain priest, whom I have already 
 mentioned (Gaspar Baza), one of those'who was of great 
 assistance to me in this affair, was_ evidently seen: for in 
 another great assembly held in the city, he appeared in be¬ 
 half of the bishop, and stood up alone against every one, and 
 at last appeased them by proposing certain expedients, which 
 were sufficient to delay the design of dissolving the house, 
 and to stop their fury. But nothing could induce them 
 wholly to desist; for they soon returned again, and seemed 
 willing to lose their lives if they could dissolve the monastery. 
 It was this servant of God who gave the nuns the habit, and 
 set up the most Blessed Sacrament, for which he endured 
 very great persecution. This opposition lasted almost half 
 a year; and to relate all the great afflictions I endured during 
 that time would be too tedious. I was astonished to see 
 what mischief the devil was able to do against a few poor 
 women, and how all the people could imagine that twelve 
 women and a prioress could be so injurious to the city, for 
 they were not to exceed that number (I speak to those persons 
 who withstood -us), and these women, 100 , led very austere 
 lives. But supposing there was some injury or error therein, 
 it would all fall upon themselves, and the city would not 
 
336 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 suffer any loss: but they fancied so many misfortunes would 
 happen, that they opposed the monastery with a good con¬ 
 science. At length the people began to yield; and they 
 came to the conclusion, that in case the monastery were en¬ 
 dowed, they would admit it, and be content it should go on. 
 
 I was now so afflicted with seeing the trouble of all those 
 who assisted us, more than I was with iny own, that I thought 
 it would not be wrong to receive revenue till the storm was 
 over, and afterwards I might refuse to take any. And 
 sometimes I likewise imagined (like a wicked and imperfect 
 creature), it might perhaps be our Lord’s pleasure, since 
 without this revenue we could not carry on, and already I 
 had consented to this agreement. The night before it was 
 to be concluded, the agreement having now commenced, our 
 Lord said to me, while I was in prayer, “ Daughter, make 
 no such agreement, for if once you begin to admit revenue, 
 the people will not afterwards allow you to refuse itadding 
 also other things. 
 
 The same night there also appeared to me the holy man 
 Peter of Alcantara, who died a slrnrt time before, and had 
 written to me before his death, hearing of the opposition and 
 persecution we endured; he said he was glad the house was 
 founded in the midst of such great opposition, for it was a 
 sign our Lord would be truly served therein and honored, 
 since the devil labored so much to hinder it. That I should 
 not by any means consent to have it endowed; and two or 
 three times he inculcated this point in his letter with great 
 earnestness, assuring me that if I continued firm, all would 
 succeed as I desired. I had already seen him twice since 
 his death, and observed the glory he was in; and so I was 
 not at all frightened, but rather * rejoiced, for he always 
 appeared like a glorified body, full of glory, and it gave me 
 the greatest delight to behold him. I remember that the 
 first time I saw him, he told me amongst other things, the 
 great bliss he enjoyed, and how happy his “penance” was 
 which he had performed during life, whereby he had obtained 
 so high a reward. But because X think I have spoken in 
 another chapter on this subject, I will say no more here, 
 except that this time he showed a little severity, and only 
 told me « by no means to have revenue and he asked me 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 337 
 
 why I did not take his advice ? And immediately he vanished, 
 leaving me greatly amazed. The next day I soon acquainted 
 the above-named gentleman (he being the individual to whom 
 I had recourse in everything, and who exerted himself in the 
 cause more than any one else) with what had happened, and 
 told him not to consent in any way to admit revenue, but to 
 go on with the suit. He was more firm in the matter than 
 I was, and glad I was. He afterwards told me how unwill¬ 
 ing he was to speak on this agreement. 
 
 Afterwards there rose up another person, an eminent 
 servant of G-od; and as things were now in a good way, he 
 wished the matter might be referred to the judgment of the 
 learned. And here I found trouble enough; for some of 
 those persons who assisted and consented thereto were of the 
 same opinion. But this was an artifice of the devil, more 
 deep and subtle than all the rest. Our Lord, however, helped 
 me in everything; for it is impossible for me, writing thus 
 so briefly, fully to relate what was endured during the two 
 years from the time the monastery began till all was com¬ 
 pleted. This last year and the first half-year were the most 
 troublesome. 
 
 The city being now somewhat appeased, Father Banez, the 
 Dominican doctor who had assisted us, though not present, 
 made haste to conie to Avila; and our Lord brought him 
 there just at the time he was wanted ; and he did us great 
 good, for he told me afterwards he had no reason or occasion 
 to come, but that it was only by chance he heard we wanted 
 him. He remained here as long as was necessary. At his 
 departure, he induced by certain means the Father Provin¬ 
 cial to give me leave to remove to this monastery (and to 
 obtain this so soon seemed impossible), and to take some other 
 nuns with me, and also to instruct those who were already 
 there. The day we entered was a day of great consolation 
 to me. When I was praying in the church, before I went 
 into the monastery, being as it were in an ecstasy, I saw 
 Christ our Lord, who I thought received me with great love ; 
 and He put a crown upon my head, and thanked me for 
 what I had done for His Mother. 
 
 At another time, when all the nuns were at prayer in the 
 choir, after Compline, I saw our Blessed Lady in very great 
 29 
 
338 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 glory, who seemed to be protecting us all under a very white 
 robe, which she had on. By this I understood what a high 
 degree of glory our Lord would bestow on the religious of 
 this house. When the Divine Office began to be recited, the 
 people also began to have a great devotion to this monastery. 
 More nuns w r ere received, and our Lord began to move those 
 who had opposed us the juost to favor us exceedingly, and to 
 give us alms: so that now they began to like what they had 
 so much disliked before; and by degrees they gave up all 
 contention, and acknowledged that they knew this work was 
 favored by God, since, notwithstanding so much opposition, 
 His Majesty was pleased it should prosper. No one now 
 thinks it would have been well not to have founded the mon¬ 
 astery, much less to have dissolved it. And thus they are 
 at present so careful to provide us with alms, that without 
 our asking any one for them, our Lord moves them to send 
 us relief, that so we may live without wanting necessaries: 
 and I hope in our Lord it will always be so: for as the nuns 
 are but few r , if they do what they ought (as at present His 
 Majesty gives them grace to do so), I am sure they will 
 never want anything, nor will there be any necessity for them 
 to be burdensome to any one, for our Lord will take care of 
 them, as He has hitherto done. 
 
 It is for me the greatest consolation to see myself placed 
 here among souls, so disengaged from the things of this world. 
 Their whole study is to know how to advance further in the 
 service of God. Solitude is their delight, and the very thought 
 of their seeing any one, even should it be one of their nearest 
 relations, is a great affliction to them, unless they hope to be 
 able to excite such persons to renewed love for their spouse. 
 Thus no one comes to this house who has not this object in 
 view ; for otherwise, neither are they welcome to others, nor 
 others to them: their language is all about God, and they 
 neither understand anything else, nor are they understood 
 except by those who speak only of Him. We observe the 
 rule* of our Lady of Mount Carmel, and this in all its strict- 
 
 * The rules were drawn up by Albert, Patriarch of Jerusalem, iu the 
 year 1209. St. Teresa’s Reformation of tho Order dates from the year 
 1562, when her Constitutions were drawn up, and approved by Pius IV. 
 in 1565.—(See the Rules in Yepez, “Vida de Santa Teresa,” cap. xi. lib. 
 ii. p 145.) 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 339 
 
 ness and integrity, as it was confirmed by Pope Innocent 
 IV., in the year 1248, and the fifth of his Pontificate. Me- 
 thinks that all the troubles which have been endured for the 
 monastery have been well bestowed. For though the rule is 
 somewhat rigorous, because flesh-meat is never eaten, except 
 in case of necessity, and we fast eight months in the year, 
 and observe other things, as may be seen in the primitive 
 rule ; yet the sisters consider it not to be severe enough, and 
 therefore they observe additional mortifications, which seem 
 to be necessary in order to keep the rules with greater perfec¬ 
 tion. I hope in our Lord that what has begun will prosper 
 and increase, as His Majesty has promised me. The other 
 house which that pious lady of whom I spoke was instrumental 
 in erecting, was likewise favored by our Lord, and was 
 founded in Alcala, not without strong opposition, and being 
 obliged to endure very great troubles. In it I know that 
 our rule is observed with all strictness and devotion. May 
 our Lord grant that all things may tend to His glory and 
 praise, and to that of the glorious Virgin Mary, His Mother, 
 whose habit we wear ! Amen. 
 
 I think your Reverence will be tired with this long account 
 I have given you about our monastery; but it is very short 
 in comparison with the many afflictions we endured, and the 
 numerous wonders our Lord wrought in its foundation, of 
 which there are many witnesses, who can take their oath as 
 to the truth of them. And now I entreat your Reverence, 
 for the love of God, that whatever you judge to be superflu¬ 
 ous in this account you will erase ; but that you will preserve 
 in it all that relates to this monastery ; and after my death 
 give it to the sisters who may be in the monastery, for it will 
 animate those who come after me to serve God, and to endea¬ 
 vor to prevent what has commenced from being dissolved, but 
 rather that the house may go on from good to better, when they 
 see how much our Lord has done for it, in founding it by means 
 of sujh a base and wicked creature as myself. And since 
 our Lord has been pleased to express His approval of this 
 work in so especial a manner, I think they will do very wrong, 
 and will be severely punished, who shall dare to attempt any 
 relaxation of that perfection which our Lord has established 
 here, and assisted in such a way that it is observed with the 
 
340 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 greatest pleasure and sweetness : hence it is evident that the 
 rule is very tolerable, and may with great ease he practiced, 
 as there are so many helps for those who live always well, 
 who desire alone to enjoy their spouse, Jesus Christ: and 
 this is all that they aim at, delighting to be in solitude alone 
 with Him. The sisters do not exceed thirteen; for I learnt from 
 the opinions of many persons that this number is sufficient; 
 and by experience I have seen, that in order to procure and 
 maintain the spirit which now exists in the house, and to live 
 on alms without being a burden to any one, it is requisite 
 the number should be no more. And in these matters, rather 
 believe one who, with so great difficulties, aided by the 
 prayers of so many persons, has done that which seemed to 
 be the best. The great pleasure and joy which we all ex¬ 
 perience during the years we have lived in this house, besides 
 the state of our health, so much better than what we formerly 
 enjoyed,—all this clearly proves that the number is the most 
 convenient. But whoever thinks the rule rigorous or difficult, 
 let them blame their own want of courage, and not the rules 
 observed here, since even delicate and sickly persons bear all 
 things with pleasure and great sweetness. Let such persons 
 go to other monasteries, where the., may secure their salva¬ 
 tion in a way agreeable to their own mind.* 
 
 * The remainder of the Saint’s history will be found in the Book of her 
 Foundations. In the History of the Foundation of Medina del Campo, 
 she says “I lived five years in the monastery of St. Joseph, at Avila, 
 after it was erected; and these now seem to me to have been the most 
 peaceful part of my life, the want of which repose and tranquillity my soul 
 often feels ... I took great delight in conversing with such pure 
 and holy souls, seeing that all their care was only to serve and praise our 
 Lord. I praised our Lord for beholding such heroic virtues, Ac. f he 
 Book of the Foundations is already published. It is interesting and edify¬ 
 ing beyond description. 
 
tlFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 341 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVII. 
 
 THE SAINT MENTIONS THE GREAT BENEFIT SHE RECEIVED FROM 
 OTHER HEAVENLY FAVORS.-MANY PARTICULARS ARE GIVEN RE¬ 
 
 SPECTING HER ECSTASIES AND REVELATIONS. 
 
 I AM unwilling to mention any more of those favors which 
 our Lord had bestowed upon me ; since those which I have 
 already related are too numerous, that they should be 
 thought to have been shown to so wicked a creature. But 
 yet, to obey our Lord who has commanded it, and your 
 Reverence also who expects it, I will mention some more 
 things here, for His greater glory. May His Majesty grant 
 that it may serve for the profit of some soul to see, since our 
 Lord has vouchsafed so highly to favor such a wretched 
 creature as I ami, how much more He will do for such as 
 serve His Majesty in good earnest ; and that every one may 
 be encouraged thereby to please His Majesty, since even in 
 this life He grants us such earnest pledges. 
 
 But here it is to be observed, that in these favors which 
 God bestows on a soul, there is sometimes more, sometimes 
 less glory} for the glory, joy, and consolation which He 
 imparts, are so much greater in some visions than in others, 
 that I was quite amazed to find so great a difference of en¬ 
 joying, even in this life. And sometimes our Lord is pleased, 
 in one vision or rapture, to give so much that it seems im¬ 
 possible to desire anything beyond it in this life ; nor does 
 the soul desire more, nor would she wish for more joy and 
 pleasure. Since our Lord has been pleased to show me 
 how great the difference is in heaven between the glory en¬ 
 joyed by some, and that which is enjoyed by others, I see 
 very clearly that even here also there are no limits set in 
 giving, when our Lord pleases; and so I could likewise wish 
 that there were no limits set in my serving His Majesty, and 
 employing my whole life, strength, and health in this way ; 
 I would not lose, through any fault of mine, the least de¬ 
 gree of further enjoyment. I even go so far as to declare, 
 that if the choice were offered to me, whether I would rather 
 remain subject to all the afflictions of the world, even to the 
 
 29 * 
 
342 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 t 
 
 end of it, and then ascend by that means to the possession 
 of a little more glory in heaven ; or else, without any afflic¬ 
 tion at all, enjoy a little less glory, I would most willingly 
 accept of all those troubles and afflictions for a little more 
 enjoyment, that so I might also understand more of the 
 greatness of God, because I see that he who understands 
 more of Him, loves and praises Him so much the more. I 
 say not but that I should be contented, and should esteem 
 myself very happy to be in heaven, though it were but in 
 the lowest place, for our Lord would thereby show abundance 
 of mercy to me, who had been condemned to so horrible a 
 place in hell; I beseech His Majesty that I may go to 
 heaven, and that He will not consider my great sins. What 
 I say is this ; that “ if our Lord would give me grace to 
 labor much for Him, and if I were able to do it, I would not 
 on any account, however much it cost me, forego the gain of 
 any degree of glory, through my own fault.” Miserable 
 creature that I aln, who had once lost all by my numerous 
 offences. 
 
 It is also to be remarked, that in every favor of a vision 
 or revelation which our Lord bestowed upon me, my soul 
 received some great gain; and in some visions the gain was 
 very groat indeed; for, by seeing Christ our Lord, His ad¬ 
 mirable and inexpressible beauty has remained imprinted on 
 my mind, and I remember it to this day; for, in this case, 
 only once would have been sufficient, how much more so very 
 many times in which our Lord vouchsafed to impart this 
 favor to me. From this sight I also derived another con¬ 
 siderable advantage. I was formerly subject to a very great 
 fault, by which much hurt came to my soul, and it was this: 
 whenever I began to observe that any person had a liking 
 for me, and was agreeable to me, I began to have so much 
 affection for him, that my memory would bind me in a man¬ 
 ner to be still thinking of him, though yet without any in¬ 
 tention at all of offending God; but I would be very glad 
 to see him and to remember him, and consider the good 
 qualities which I found in him ; but this was so prejudicial 
 that it did my soul a great deal of harm. But when once I 
 beheld the great beauty of our Lord, I saw none afterwards 
 which oould bear comparison with it, nor which was able to 
 
 V * 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 343 
 
 occupy my thoughts; for, by casting my eyes upon the 
 image of Him who is engraven in my mind, I remained with 
 so much liberty in this respect, that everything which I have 
 seen since this has become loathsome to me, in comparison 
 with the excellencies and graces which I discovered in our 
 Lord; nor is there any knowledge, or any kind of pleasure, 
 on which I set a value, in comparison with that which comes 
 by hearing only one single word which proceeds’ from His 
 divine mouth ; how much more so many as I have heard! 
 I consider it impossible, unless our Lord should permit it 
 for my sins, that the remembrance of this should entirely 
 leave me, and that any creature should ever so far possess 
 my mind as that I should not instantly be free, by recurring 
 a little to the remembrance of this, my Lord. It happened 
 sometimes with some of my confessors (for I always love 
 those who direct my soul, because I consider they hold the 
 place of God, and methinks it is ever there where I employ 
 my affection the most), that thinking I was secure with 
 them, I was apt to show them extraordinary kindness; hut 
 they, being servants of God and cautious persons, would he 
 fearful, lest I should become too much attached to them, 
 though in an innocent manner, and they would sometimes 
 show they were displeased at it. This happened afterwards, 
 when I began to subject myself to be directed and com¬ 
 manded by them ; for before I did not bear them so much 
 love. I smiled at myself when I considered how much they 
 were deceived, though I did not always tell them so plainly 
 how little I tied myself to any one, as I was sure of this in 
 myself. but I told them enough; and when they became 
 more intimate with me, they knew how much I was indebted 
 to our Lord, for these suspicions which they had of me were 
 always in the beginning. 
 
 I also began to have more love and more confidence in 
 my Lord after I had seen Him, as one with whom I now 
 held a continual conversation. I saw that though He was 
 God He was also man, and that He did not wonder at the 
 weakness of men, for He well knows our miserable nature, 
 which is subject to falls of so many kinds, on account of the 
 first sin which He came to repair. Although He is my 
 Lord, I may still treat with Him as with a friend, because I 
 
344 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 know He is not like the grandees we are accustomed to meet 
 with in this world, who place all their greatness in a certain 
 affected authority, and who appoint hours and seasons for 
 an audience, and admit those only to speak to them who are 
 distinguished persons. If any poor man lias any business to 
 transact with them, it will cost him many labors and favors 
 before he can get it settled. But what if he has some busi¬ 
 ness with the king himself! Poor people must not presume 
 to come near him, but be content to inquire who are his 
 favorites (and these we may be sure are not such as tread 
 the world under their feet, because such persons are accus¬ 
 tomed to speak the real truth, and so are not fit for a court), 
 and so recommend their affairs to them: there those things 
 are not usual; but they dissemble whatever they dislike, 
 and scarcely do they think of doing such a thing for fear of 
 being disgraced. 
 
 O King of Glory, and Lord of all kings ' Thy kingdom 
 is not set out with such straws as these, since it has no end! 
 Nor is there any need of third persons to introduce us to 
 an audience with Thee! By our seeing Thee, \ve instantly 
 perceive that Thou alone deservest to be called Lord ; so 
 great is Thy Majesty that there is no need of many guards 
 and attendants, in order that we may know Thou art a King; 
 whereas, if any earthly king were left quite alone, he would 
 hardly be known to be a king, for, in himself he is no more 
 than other men, and therefore something must appear about 
 him to make men believe that he is the king; and he has so 
 much more need of using these external helps, because other¬ 
 wise the people would make no account of him; for his ap¬ 
 pearing so powerful is not from himself, but his grandeur 
 and state arise from those about him. But who is able, 0 
 my Lord and my King! to represent that Majesty which 
 Thou hast ? It is impossible to help seeing that Thou art 
 a great Emperor in Thyself, and I am quite amazed to be¬ 
 hold Thy Majesty. But I am still more amazed, 0 my 
 Lord ! to see united with this Majesty the great humility and 
 love which Thou showest to such a wretched creature as my¬ 
 self ; for we may speak and treat with Thee about all things, 
 even as we wish, when once we have lost that first amaze¬ 
 ment and dread which we feel at the sight of the majesty of 
 
346 
 
 ItFE OS' ST. TE&ESA. 
 
 s r* ^ • !* 
 
 Thy presence, though there still remains a greater fear of 
 offending Thee; but not the fear of the punishment, for this 
 we do not regard at all, in comparison with the misery which 
 it is to lose Thee. Here are some of the benefits which I 
 have derived from this vision of our Lord, besides other great 
 effects which it leaves in my soul. If the vision be from 
 God, it makes itself understood by the effects, whenever the 
 soul has light; for, as I have often said, our Lord is pleased 
 that it should remain in darkness, and not see this light; 
 and then it is not so strange that one so wicked as myself 
 should have some fear. 
 
 It is only very lately that I happened to be for eight days 
 in such a state, that it seemed I neither had, nor could have, 
 any knowledge of what I owe to God, nor yet any memory of 
 His favors \ but my soul was so inebriated and employed 
 upon I know not what, nor how, though not upon bad 
 thoughts; but, with respect to good ones, so very sluggish, 
 that I laughed at myself, and took pleasure in beholding the 
 baseness a soul is in, when our Lord does not vouchsafe to 
 be continually working in her. She sees very well, that 
 even in this state she is not without possessing Him, for it is 
 not like as in those great afflictions which, I have said, I 
 sometimes suffer ; for, though the soul brings wood, and does 
 all the little she can on her side, there is no enkindling the 
 love of God within her. It is a great mercy of His that some 
 smoke is observed, for thereby we know that she is not dead, 
 and our Lord comes again to enkindle it; but then the soul 
 seems to be in such a state, that everything only serves to 
 choke her the more, though we break even our heads in 
 blowing, and weary ourselves in arranging the wood. I think 
 the best thing is to give heyself wholly up, and to remember 
 that she is unable to do anything of herself alone, and there¬ 
 fore to apply herself (as I have said) to other meritorious 
 things, for our Lord, perhaps, takes away prayer from her, 
 that the soul may exercise herself in those other acts, and 
 so understand, by experience, how little she is able to do of 
 
 herself. . , 
 
 This very day I have solaced myself with our Lord, and 
 
 presumed to complain to His Majesty in these words: u HoW 
 is it, 0 my God! that it is not enough for Thee to keep me 
 
346 
 
 LIFE OF SI. TERESA. 
 
 in this miserable life, and that I endure it all for Thy sake, 
 and that I wish to live where all this trouble is, because I 
 cannot enjoy Thee, without at the same time eating and sleep¬ 
 ing, and transacting business, and conversing with every one ; 
 and all this I suffer for the love of Thee ? Thou knowest well, 
 0 my Lord! that this is a very great torment to me; and in 
 those few moments which remain to me for enjoying Thee, 
 Thou art yet pleased to hide Thyself. How can this be 
 reconciled with Thy mercy ? And how can Thy love towards 
 me permit it 1 I believe, 0 Lord ! that if it were possible 
 for me to hide myself from Thee, as Thou dost hide Thyself 
 from me, I think and believe so much concerning the love 
 Thou hast for me, as to be sure Thou wouldst not endure it. 
 But Thou art still with me, and always beholdest me. This 
 is not to be endured, 0 my Lord! I beseech Thee to con¬ 
 sider that this is doing an injury to one who loves Thee so 
 much.” These and such like words I spoke, though I con¬ 
 sidered, first, how very tolerable that place was which had 
 been prepared for me in hell, in comparison with what I had 
 deserved. But sometimes the love I bear our Lord is so 
 very extravagant, that I scarce know what I do, except to 
 complain with all my understanding in this manner; and our 
 Lord endures everything from me. May so good a King be 
 praised! But can we approach the kings of this world with 
 such presumption as this ? 
 
 And yet I am not surprised that we do not dare to speak 
 to earthly kings in this way, or to those great persons who 
 are their representatives, for they are men whom we have 
 reason to fear. But now the world is so changed, that we 
 should be obliged to live longer, in order to have time enough 
 to learn all its punctilios, and modes, and fashions, if we 
 would have any time to spend in the service of God. I bless 
 myself when I see what passes. The truth is, that already 
 I scarcely knew how to live in the world, when I came to 
 understand this; for now it is not considered a jest, when 
 there is any inattention shown, in treating men with much 
 more ceremony than they really deserve ; but they so truly 
 take it for an affront, that you must profess your desire to 
 make satisfaction, if there be (as I was saying) any omission ; 
 and God grant that they believe your professions. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 847 
 
 I repeat it again, that I do not really know how to live, 
 because these things do greatly afflict a poor weary soul. She 
 sees that, on one hand, she is commanded always to employ her 
 thoughts on God, and that it is necessary for her to do so, in 
 order to free herself from many dangers; and, on the other 
 side, she also sees, that it concerns her not to omit anything 
 regarding the punctilios of the world, under pain of not giv¬ 
 ing offence to those who place their chief honor in these 
 things. As for me, they tire me quite out, and I could never 
 come to an end of making satisfaction, for it was not in my 
 power (however much I endeavored) to prevent myself from 
 making many faults in this respect ; and these are not con¬ 
 sidered little in the eyes of the world. It is true, that reli¬ 
 gious Orders ought to be exempt from all these attentions, 
 and there is reason for it: but, no; people assert, “ that 
 monasteries ought to be, as it were, so many courts for good 
 breeding, and that their inmates should know the rules of 
 politeness.” I do not really understand this kind of lan¬ 
 guage. I think some saint has said, that a monastery should 
 be a court to instruct those who wish to be courtiers in 
 heaven. But now things are understood in quite a different 
 wav. But how they who should be continually employed in 
 pleasing God, and in endeavoring to abhor the world, are also 
 to be obliged to bestow so much care and attention in pleas¬ 
 ing those who live in the world, and that in things which 
 change so often, this I cannot comprehend. 
 
 But though it were possible for one to learn all these rules, 
 yet they would soon be changed. Even for the titles which 
 are expected in letters, a chair should be founded, that so 
 the Professor might teach us how such and such people were 
 to be addressed; for sometimes the paper is to be left blank 
 on one side, and sometimes on the other; and he who used 
 to be styled “ Your Worship,” must now be called “The 
 Honorable.” I know not where things will stop ; for I am 
 not fifty years old, and yet I have seen such changes in my 
 life, that now I know not how to live. How then will those 
 who are now young know how to conduct themselves, if they 
 should live long ? I have really great compassion for spiritual 
 persons, who are obliged to live in the world for certain holy 
 purposes ; for it is a terrible cross to bear this. If all could 
 
348 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 agree together, and profess themselves to be ignorant, and 
 could be content to be considered as such in these sciences, 
 they might free themselves from a great deal of trouble. 
 But into what fooleries have I cast myself? From speaking 
 of the greatness of God, I have come by degrees to speak of 
 the baseness of the world. Since our Lord has enabled me 
 by His grace to leave it, I am resolved no more to speak 
 about it. Let those love it who, with so much trouble, 
 encourage those toys ; and may God grant, that we may not 
 pay dearly for them in the other life, which is without 
 change! Amen. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVIII. 
 
 THE SAINT MENTIONS SOME GREAT FAVORS WHICH OUR LORD WAS 
 PLEASED TO SHOW HER, IN ACQUAINTING HER WITH CERTAIN 
 SECRETS OF HEAVEN, AND BY GIVING HER VISIONS AND REVELA¬ 
 TIONS, ETC. 
 
 Being so very ill one night, that I thought I might excuse 
 myself from prayer, I took my rosary to employ myself 
 vocally, not taking any pains to recollect my understanding, 
 though as to my exterior I was sufficiently recollected, being 
 in an oratory. But when our Lord wishes, all our endea¬ 
 vors serve but to little purpose ; for after I had been praying 
 a little in this way, there suddenly came upon me a rapture 
 of the Spirit, with so great impetuosity that there was no 
 power in me to resist it. I seemed to be placed in heaven, 
 and the first persons whom I saw there were my father and 
 mother; and I also saw some other things so very wonder¬ 
 ful, and in so very short a time (as long only as one would 
 say Ave Maria), that I was amazed, thinking it was too great 
 a favor for me. With regard to the time being so very short, 
 I may perhaps be deceived, for it may have been longer, but 
 it seemed to me at least to be very short. I was afraid of 
 an illusion; but yet to me it seemed none. I knew not what 
 to do, for I was quite ashamed to go with the account to my 
 confessor; not through humility, as I thought, but because 
 I fancied he would make a jest of it, and say, “ what a St. 
 

 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. • 349 
 
 Paul, or a St. Jerome this woman has become, to see sueh 
 heavenly things ! ,J And because these glorious saints had 
 such visions as these, it made me so much the more fearful 
 of myself, so that I did nothing but weep bitterly, because I 
 thought there was no probability that such favors should be 
 shown to me. However, I went to my confessor, notwith¬ 
 standing all my repugnance; for though it was painful for 
 me to mention these things, yet I never dared to conceal 
 anything from him, on account of the great fear I had of 
 being deceived and deluded. When he saw me in such great 
 affliction, he comforted me very kindly, and told me many 
 consoling things to free me from the trouble I was in. 
 
 It has happened to me several times since, that our Lord 
 has shown me still greater secrets: there is no means, how¬ 
 ever, of the soul being able to see more than our Lord is 
 pleased to represent to her, nor is it possible; and hence I 
 never saw more than our Lord was pleased to show me at 
 each time : but this was so very much, that the least part 
 of it was sufficient to make me quite amazed, and to improve 
 my soul very much, and help her to undervalue and despise 
 all the things of this life. 1 wish I knew how to explain the 
 least part of that which I saw represented ; but .when I am 
 thinking how to do it, I find it impossible. For though the 
 light which we see here, and that which is represented there, 
 be all light, yet there is so great a difference that there is 
 no comparison; for the brightness of the sun itself is very 
 obscure when compared with that brightness. In a word, 
 the imagination of man, however subtle it may be, cannot 
 paint or describe this kind of light, nor any other of those 
 things which our Lord gave me to understand, and this with 
 such excessive delight as cannot be expressed ; for all the 
 senses enjoy such a superior degree of sweetness that cannot 
 be comprehended, and therefore I think it best to say no 
 more about it. 
 
 I was once for more than an hour in this state, when our 
 Lord showed me wonderful things; and appearing not to be 
 far from me, He said, “ See, daughter, what they lose who 
 are against Me : do not fail to tell them ot it. ,J But, 0 my 
 Lord, what good will my telling them do, since their own 
 evil actions have blinded them, if Thy Majesty do not give 
 30 
 
350 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 them light? Some there are to whom Thou hast given it-, 
 and they have profited much by the knowledge of Thy great¬ 
 nesses : but, 0 my Lord, they see them given to such a 
 wretched and wicked creature, that I wonder I find any one 
 to believe me. Blessed be Thy name and Thy mercy! For 
 I, at least, have seen an evident amendment in my own soul 
 from these things : how glad I should have been afterwards, 
 if I might still have remained in that state, and not come 
 back to live here again, for the contempt in which I held the 
 whole world was very great, and it seemed to be no better 
 than dung to me: and now I see how meanly we are em¬ 
 ployed who are detained here. 
 
 While I remained in the house of this lady (Louisa de la 
 Cerda), whom I have already mentioned, it once happened to 
 me, when I was ill with a violent pain in my heart, that look¬ 
 ing on me with great compassion, she one day commanded 
 certain jewels of hers to be brought forth, which were of 
 great value \ and one in particular, of diamonds, which she 
 prized at a great price. She thought that the sight of them 
 would delight and revive me. But I smiled at her within 
 myself, and was grieved to see what mean things men esteem, 
 when I considered what our Lord has laid up for us; and I 
 thought how impossible a thing it would be for me to put 
 any value on such toys as these, though I should endeavor 
 to do so, unless our Lord should first take away the memory 
 of other things. This kind of favor gives the soul so great 
 a dominion, that I know not whether it can possibly be un¬ 
 derstood by any other person but such as possess it, because 
 it is a proper and natural disengagement of the soul from all 
 created objects; and this comes without any labor on her 
 part. God does everything ; for His Majesty shows us these 
 truths, and this in such a manner that they remain so im¬ 
 printed on the soul, as to make us clearly see that it was not 
 possible for us to acquire them, especially in so short a time, 
 by any exertions of our own. 
 
 I also came to have very little fear of death, of which 
 formerly I had great dread; but now it seems a very fcasy 
 thing for such as apply themselves to the service of God; 
 for in a moment the soul sees herself freed out of this prison, 
 and placed in repose. The way by which God carries the 
 
351 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 soul up, in these raptures, to show her such wonderful things, 
 seems to hear a very close resemblance with the passage of a 
 soul out of the body at the hour of death, since in a moment 
 she beholds herself possessed of all this good. I omit here the 
 consideration of those pains felt when the soul is borne out 
 of the body, for we should make little account of this: and 
 they who love God in good earnest, and have bid adieu to 
 all the pleasures of this life, are wont to die with more 
 sweetness and resignation. 
 
 It also seems to me, that these favors did me much good 
 towards making me know my true country, and being con¬ 
 vinced that we are only pilgrims here below : it is very neces¬ 
 sary to consider what passes there above, and to know where 
 we are to live forever *, for when one goes to live tor good 
 and all in a country, it is a great help towards enduring all 
 the troubles of the journey, to know that it is the land where 
 we shall enjoy very great repose. It also enables us to con¬ 
 sider heavenly things, and to endeavor that our conversation 
 may be in heaven : this is done with ease. It is likewise a 
 great gain, because merely looking up to heaven recollects 
 the soul; for as our Lord is pleased to show her some 
 glimpse of that which is there, she is thereby induced to 
 pause and meditate upon it. And sometimes it happens, that 
 they who I know are living there are the only companions I 
 choose to comfort myself with,—these being the persons who 
 seem truly alive 5 and those others who live here on earth 
 appear to be so very dead, that this world affords no com¬ 
 pany at all to me, especially when I have those great 
 impulses. All seems to me but a dream, and what I see with 
 my eyes looks like a jest. But that which I have already 
 seen with the eyes of my soul is the very thing she desires; 
 and because she sees herself to be yet far off from it, this is 
 death to her. In a word, the favor is exceedingly great 
 which our Lord grants to that soul to whom He gives such 
 visions as these ; for they help her much in all things,, and 
 especially in bearing a heavy cross, because nothing satisfies 
 her now, but everything disgusts her and if our Lord did 
 not permit one to forget it sometimes (though yet we remem¬ 
 ber it again afterwards), I know not how one could live. 
 May He^ be blessed and praised forever! I beseech His 
 
352 LIFE OF St. TERESA. 
 
 Majesty, by the blood His Son shed for me, that since He 
 has vouchsafed I should understand some part of these great 
 benefits, and in some measure to begin enjoying them also, it 
 may not happen to me as it did to Lucifer, who lost all by 
 his own fault. Do not permit this, 0 my Lord ! I beseech 
 Thee by what Thou art; for it is no small fear which I have 
 sometimes (though at other times, and even very generally, 
 the mercy of God gives me security), that since He has been 
 pleased to deliver me from so many sins, He will not forsake 
 me now, so as to let me he lost. This I beg of your Reve¬ 
 rence, that you will always pray for me. But, in my opinion, 
 the favors which I have already mentioned were not so great 
 as that which I will now relate, for many reasons particu¬ 
 larly for the great courage and strength which have remained 
 in my soul on that account, although if each of the other 
 favors be considered in itself, it is so great that nothing else 
 can be compared with it. 
 
 One day, after mass, it being the vigil of Pentecost, I 
 went to a very retired place, where I often used to pray; 
 and I began to read in a certain book, written Ly a Carthu¬ 
 sian on this festival; and I found there those signs by which 
 they who are beginners, or proficients, or perfect, may under¬ 
 stand whether the Holy Spirit is with them or no. Reading 
 what was said there of these three states, it seemed to me 
 that God, through His goodness, was in this manner present 
 with me, as far as I could understand. And while I was 
 praising Him for this blessing, I called to mind that when I 
 had read the same thing formerly, I stood much in need of 
 my present state ; and thus I came to know how much I was 
 indebted to our Lord for the great favor He had bestowed 
 upon me. I began also to consider the place I had deserved 
 in hell for my sins, and I gave great praises to God, because 
 I found my soul, as I thought, so extremely changed, that I 
 could hardly know her. Being fixed in this consideration, 
 there came a great impetuosity upon me, without my knowing 
 the occasion of it. It seemed as if my soul were endeavor¬ 
 ing to get out of my body, for now she could not possibly 
 contain herself, nor could she find herself capable of remain¬ 
 ing any longer in the expectation of so great a good. This 
 was so wonderful an impulse, that I could not tell what to 
 
LIFE OP ST. TERESA. 353 
 
 do with myself; and it was very different, in my opinion, 
 from those which I have had at other times ; nor did I know 
 what was the matter with my soul, nor would I admit she 
 was so much altered. I leaned myself on one side, not being 
 able to sit upright, for I found my natural strength began to 
 fail me. When in this state I saw a dove above my head, 
 very different from the doves of this world, for it had not 
 the like feathers, but the wings seemed to be composed of 
 certain little shells, which darted forth a wonderful splendor. 
 The dove was much larger than any ordinary one; and I 
 thought I heard a noise which it made with its wings, for it 
 was hovering over me about the space of an Ave Maria. My 
 soul was then in such a state, that, losing herself in an 
 ecstasy, she also lost sight of the dove. By entertaining so 
 sweet a guest, my soul became quiet, though so wonderful a 
 favor might well have disturbed and affrighted her : but as 
 she already began to enjoy, all fear soon vanished, and with 
 joy began the quiet, she remaining in a rapture. The glory 
 of this rapture w 7 as extremely great. I remained during the 
 greater part of Whitsuntide so stunned and transported that 
 I knew not what to do with myself, nor how to contain within 
 me so great a grace and favor: I neither heard nor saw (so 
 to speak), on account of my great interior joy. From that 
 day my soul has found a very great improvement, as she 
 enjoys a more sublime love of God, and stronger virtues, 
 than she did before. May our Lord be praised and blessed 
 forever! Amen. 
 
 Another time, I saw the same dove over the head of a 
 Dominican Father: only I thought that both the beams and 
 the brightness of the wings extended themselves much fur¬ 
 ther. I was then given to understand that he was to win 
 souls to God. 
 
 Another time I saw our Blessed Lady putting a very 
 white garment on a Professor of Divinity belonging to the 
 same Order, of whom I have often spoken. She told me, 
 that for the service he had done her, in helping to erect this 
 house, she gave him that mantle, as a sign that his soul 
 should be preserved for the future in purity, and that he 
 should not fall into mortal sin. I am confident it proved 
 so; for he died within a few years after, and his life and 
 
 30* 
 
354 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 death were attended with such penance and sanctity, that 
 there can remain no doubt of his salvation, as far as we are 
 able to judge. A friar, who was present at his death, assured 
 me, that before he expired he told him how St. Thomas had 
 been with him. He died with great joy, and with a desire to 
 be free from this banishment. Since then he has sometimes 
 appeared to me in very great glory, and told me many things. 
 He was so given to prayer, that when before he died he 
 wished to omit it, on account of his great weakness, he was 
 not able to do so, for he had many raptures. 
 
 He wrote to me a little before he died, asking me what 
 means he had best employ, because as soon as he used to 
 finish mass, he fell into raptures, which would last long, 
 without his being able to help himself. God at last gave 
 him a reward for the great services he had done for Him 
 during his whole life. Of the rector of the Society of Jesus, 
 whom I have mentioned before, I have seen some things con¬ 
 cerning the great favors our Lord bestowed upon him : but 
 I will not mention them here, for fear of being too long. 
 A severe affliction happened to him once, by being unjustly 
 persecuted, at which he was greatly afflicted. As I was 
 hearing mass one day, X saw Christ on the cross, when the 
 priest elevated the XIost. He spoke certain words to me, 
 which I was commanded to tell him for his comfort; and 
 others to put him on his guard against something that was 
 to happen; and to represent to him how much our Lord had 
 endured for his sake, and that he should prepare himself to 
 suffer. These words gave him great strength and courage, 
 and all happened to him just as our Lord had foretold. 
 
 I have seen wonderful things relating to the religious of 
 a certain Order,* and of the whole Order together. I have 
 sometimes seen them in heaven, with white banners in their 
 hands, and many other things, as I have said, very admira¬ 
 ble. Accordingly, for this Order, I have a great veneration, 
 for I have often had communication with them, and I see 
 that their life is conformable to what our Lord gave me to 
 understand regarding them. 
 
 Being one night in prayer, our Lord began to utter some 
 
 * The Society of Jesus. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 355 
 
 words to me, by which fie brought to my remembrance how 
 wicked my life had been. These words gave me both pain 
 and confusion; for though they were not spoken w T ith any 
 severity, yet they caused within me such tender feelings of 
 sorrow and grief as quite to dissolve me. We find more help 
 towards the knowledge of ourselves by only one of these 
 words, than we should be able to acquire in many days by 
 considering our own misery: for it so engraves the truth in 
 the soul, that we cannot possibly deny it. He represented 
 to me those inclinations of mine, which I had formerly en¬ 
 tertained with so much vanity ; and He told me that I was 
 to set a great value upon the desires I had, that He would 
 abide in me—desires which formerly I had directed to such 
 evil objects. At other times, He bade me remember how 
 formerly I had considered it as u point of honor to go against 
 His honor ; and at other times, that I should remember how 
 much I owed Him, since when I was committing the greatest 
 otfences against Him, He used to be doing me favors. If I 
 have any faults (which are not tew), our Lord then makes 
 me understand them so well, that I am, as it were, ready to 
 annihilate myself; and because I have many faults, this 
 happens very often. It happened that my confessor repre¬ 
 hended me, and when I thought to find consolation in prayer, 
 it was there that I found real blame. 
 
 But to return to what I was saying. When our Lord 
 began to bring my wicked life to my remembrance, which 
 cost me so much tears, and when 1 considered that then I 
 had done no good, as I thought, I began to think within 
 myself, whether He might not wish to bestow some new 
 favor upon me : because whenever I have received any par¬ 
 ticular favor from our Lord, it has generally been after I 
 had annihilated myself in this way. And our Lord acts 
 thus with me, that I may see the more clearly how far I am 
 from deserving these favors. A short time after, my soul 
 was so absorbed that it seemed to be almost out of my body : 
 at least, it could not be perceived that I lived in it. Then 
 I saw the most sacred Humanity of our Lord, in more ex¬ 
 cessive glory than ever I had seen it before. This was re¬ 
 presented to me by a certain admirable and clear notice of 
 His being placed in the bosom of His Father; and yet I 
 
356 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 know not how to explain it: for it seemed to me, that with¬ 
 out seeing, I saw myself present before the Divinity. I re¬ 
 mained so amazed, in such a manner, that I think some days 
 passed before I returned to myself: bilt T always thought 
 that I had the majesty of the Son of God present to me, 
 though not like the former. This I understood very well; 
 but the sight remains so engraven on my imagination, that I 
 cannot free myself from it (though it was represented in so 
 short a time) for some time. It is, however, both a comfort 
 and a great benefit to my soul. 
 
 I have seen this vision three other times ; and this, in my 
 opinion, is the most sublime vision which our Lord ever 
 granted me the favor to see ; and it brings with it the great¬ 
 est benefits. It seems that the soul is greatly purified by it, 
 and it takes all strength away from our sensuality. It is a 
 vehement flame, which seems to burn up, and even perfectly 
 to consume all the desires of this life: for though (glory be 
 to God for it) I had before no inclinations to vain objects, it 
 was here declared to me, in a very distinct manner, that all 
 was vanity; and, in particular, how vain were all the titles 
 and grandeurs of this world. It also gives us great informa¬ 
 tion how to raise up our desires to the pure truth. A reve¬ 
 rence for God remains so imprinted on the soul, in such a 
 way that I know not how to describe it: it is very different 
 from whatever we can acquire in this world. It also pro¬ 
 duces a strange amazement in the soul, to consider how she, 
 or how any creature can presume so far as to dare offend such 
 an exceeding great Majesty. 
 
 Sometimes 1 have mentioned the effects of these visions, 
 and that a soul receives sometimes more, sometimes less, 
 profit from them; but from this vision the profit was won¬ 
 derfully great. After I used to communicate, and when I 
 remembered the incomparable Majesty which I had seen, 
 and which I saw was the very same that is in the most Holy 
 Sacrament (and sometimes our Lord is pleased to let me see 
 Him in the Sacred Host), the very hair of my head stood 
 quite on end, and I thought I was wholly annihilated. 0 
 my Lord ! if Thou didst not hide Thy greatness, who dare 
 presume to approach so often as we do, so filthy and mise¬ 
 rable a creature, to so great a Majesty ? Blessed be Thou, 
 
 % 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 357 
 
 0 Lord! May the angels and all creatures praise Thee, 
 who dost so measure things according to our weakness, in 
 order that, enjoying such wonderful favors, Thy immense 
 power may not terrify us, being so weak and miserable. 
 
 It might happen to us, as it once did to a laboring man 
 (and this fact I know to be correct), who found a treasure, 
 which being greater than his mind, caused him to fall into 
 sadness when he saw himself possessed of the treasure; 
 hence by little and little he came to die through mere care 
 and affliction, not knowing what to do with his treasure. 
 Whereas, if he had not found it altogether, but some one 
 had given it to him by degrees, and had thus supported 
 him, he would have lived more contentedly than when he 
 was poor, and it would not have cost him his life. 0 riches 
 of the poorhow admirably do you know how to sustain 
 souls! How careful are you, without letting them see too 
 much at once, to show them great treasures by little and 
 little! When I see so great a Majesty concealed in so small 
 a thing as the Sacred Host (and so it is), I am in admiration 
 at such great wisdom, and I know not how our Lord gives 
 me courage and strength to approach Him, did not He who 
 hath bestowed and still bestows such great favors upon me 
 fortify me also herein : and it is not possible to dissemble 
 the matter any longer, or cease to proclaim aloud such great 
 wonders. What sentiments, then, ought so miserable a crea¬ 
 ture, and so laden with abominations, as I am, and who have 
 spent my life with such little fear of God—what sentiments 
 ought she to have, when she sees herself approach to a Lord 
 of such great majesty, because He is pleased that my soul 
 should behold Him? How shall this mouth of mine, which 
 has uttered so many words against this same Lord, presume 
 to touch that most glorious body, so full of purity and sanc¬ 
 tity ? The love which that countenance of such great 
 beauty, tenderness, and affability, discovers to us, does more 
 afflict and wound the soul for not having served Him, than 
 do that fear and terror which are inspired by the majesty she 
 beholds in Him. But what should be my feelings, after 
 having seen on two occasions that of which I will now speak ? 
 I am really about to say, 0 my Lord and my Glory! that I 
 have in some way done Thee a little service, by the great 
 
358 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 afflictions which my soul has experienced in herself. Alas! 
 
 I hardly know what I say; for I am now writing, though I 
 scarcely am able to speak, because I find myself troubled, 
 and almost out of myself, when I bring these things to my 
 remembrance. If this thought came from myself, I might 
 seem to have some reason for what I say, that I had done 
 something for Thee, 0 my God ! But since I cannot have 
 so much if Thou do not impart it to me, there is nothing 
 which I can attribute to myself. 1 am therefore Thy debtor, 
 0 Lord! and Thou art the party offended. 
 
 Going one day to receive the Blessed Sacrament, I saw 
 two devils, with the eyes of my soul, more clearly than if I 
 had seen them with the eyes of my body: they had a most 
 horrible appearance, and seemed with their horns to encom¬ 
 pass the neck of the poor priest. I also saw our Lord, with 
 that majesty (of which I have already spoken), placed in the 
 sinful hands of the priest, in the Host which he was about to 
 give me, for I understood that soul to be then in the state 
 of mortal sin. What a sight must it have been to behold 
 Thy beauty, 0 Lord ! in the midst of such horrible figures! 
 These devils were so confounded and terrified by Thy pre¬ 
 sence, that they would willingly have gone from thence, if 
 they could have obtained Thy leave. This sight gave me 
 such great affliction, that I was scarce able to communicate ; 
 and I was in great fear, thinking that if it had been a vision 
 from God, His Majesty would not, at such a time, have 
 allowed me to see it; but it was permitted, that I might un¬ 
 derstand what power the words of consecration have, since 
 God would not be kept away, however wicked the priest 
 might be who pronounced them. Our Lord himself told me 
 to pray for him, and that He allowed me to behold this vis¬ 
 ion, that I might see His wonderful goodness, in not forbear¬ 
 ing-to put Himself into the hands even of His enemy, and 
 this for the good both of me and of all men. I understood 
 then very clearly, how priests are bound to be much more 
 virtuous than other men, and how terrible a crime it is to 
 receive the most Blessed Sacrament unworthily, and how 
 absolutely the devil has possession of a soul in mortal sin. 
 This vision did me a great deal of good, and gave me a very 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 359 
 
 deep knowledge of what I owed to God. May He be blessed 
 forever and ever! 
 
 On another occasion there happened to me something else, 
 which amazed me extremely. I was in a certain place where 
 a person died, who had lived very badly for many years, but 
 for the last two years had been sick, and in some things 
 seemed to be reformed. This man died without confession ; 
 but still I did not think he would be condemned. While, 
 however, his friends were preparing the body for burial, I 
 saw several devils take the corpse, and they seemed to be 
 sporting with it, and practicing many cruelties upon it, which 
 struck me with great terror, for they tore it with certain 
 sharp hooks, and tossed it from one to the other. W T hen 
 afterwards I saw him taken to be buried, with the usual 
 pomp and ceremonies, I considered the goodness of God in 
 not permitting the soul even of that man to be defamed, but 
 in so permitting it to be concealed that he was His enemy. 
 During all the time of the office for the dead I did not see 
 any devil; but, when afterwards they put the body into the 
 grave, there stood such a multitude of them within, that I 
 was utterly amazed to behold them, and I had need of great 
 courage to conceal my emotions. I considered how those 
 devils would treat tljat soul, when they exercised such tyranny 
 over the poor body. Would to God that this dreadful spec¬ 
 tacle which I saw, could have been seen also by those who 
 are in mortal sin, for I think it would be a powerful motive 
 to induce them to amend their lives. All this obliges me to 
 know the more what I owe to God, and from what He has 
 delivered me. I had great fears till I mentioned these things 
 to my confessor, thinking the vision might, perhaps, be some 
 illusion of the devil to defame that soul, though the man was 
 not considered to be a very good Christian. However, the 
 truth is, that whether it were an illusion or no, I am always 
 frightened when I remember it. 
 
 And now, since I have begun to speak of visions which 
 relate to the dead, I will also mention some other things con-* 
 cerning souls which our Lord has been pleased that I should 
 see. But I will speak only of a few, for the sake of brevity, 
 and because it is not necessary in the way of receiving any 
 benefit. News was brought to me of the death of one who 
 
360 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 had been Provincial here; but when he died he was the Pro¬ 
 vincial of another province. I had transacted a great deal 
 of business with him, and had also been indebted to him for 
 some good offices which he had done me : he was a virtuous 
 person. When I heard that he was dead, I was greatly 
 troubled thereat, because I was afraid for his salvation, inas- ^ 
 much as he had been superior for twenty years,—a responsi¬ 
 bility I dread much, because it is very dangerous to have the 
 care of souls. I went therefore in great trouble to an ora¬ 
 tory to pray for his soul. I gave him all that good which I 
 had ever done in my whole life, which was little enough ; and 
 I besought our Lord, that His merits might supply for what 
 that soul wanted in order to deliver her from purgatory. 
 While I was begging this favor from our Lord in the best 
 manner I could, he seemed to rise up from some deep part 
 of the earth, on my right side, and so I saw him ascend to 
 heaven with very great joy. He was very old before he died; 
 but he now seemed to be about the age of thirty, or rather 
 somewhat less, and his face shone very brightly. This vision 
 passed away very speedily, but yet I was so much comforted 
 by it, that his death gave me now no more grief, though 
 many others were troubled about him, for he was much be¬ 
 loved. The comfort my soul experienced was so great, that 
 I had no care about anything else, and I could not possibly 
 doubt but that the vision was true j that is, no delusion. 
 This happened but fifteen days after his death ; but still I 
 was not negligent in procuring prayers to be offered up for 
 him to God, and in praying for him myself, except that I 
 could not do this so willingly, had I not seen this vision; for 
 when our Lord shows me a soul in this state, and I afterwards 
 wish to recommend it to His Majesty, I cannot help thinking 
 that it is as if I gave an alms to a rich man ; but learnt after¬ 
 wards (for the man died at a great distance), that the death 
 which our Lord granted to him was so edifying, that all were 
 astonished at the self-knowledge, contrition, and humility 
 with which he departed. 
 
 A nun died in our house about a day and a half before 
 this occurred, whereof I am going to speak: she had been 
 a great servant of God ; and while we were reciting for her 
 soul the office of the dead in the choir, where I stood by and 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 361 
 
 assisted in reciting the verse, I thought in the middle of the 
 lesson, that her soul rose from the same side as the other 
 did, and so went to heaven. This was no imaginary vision 
 like the last; but like others which I have mentioned before; 
 yet these are no less certain than those others which are seen. 
 
 . Another nun, between eighteen and twenty years of age, 
 died in the same house. She had always been infirm, and a 
 great servant of God, and very diligent in the choir. I 
 thought for certain that she would not have gone to purga¬ 
 tory, on account of the long sickness she had endured, but 
 rather that there would have been supernumerary merits. 
 But while we were reciting the office, about four hours after 
 she died, I perceived that her soul rose out of the same place, 
 and went to heaven. Being one day in a church of the 
 Society of Jesus, oppressed with those great afflictions and 
 troubles, of which I have spoken sometimes, and which I still 
 have both in soul and body, I found myself in such a condi¬ 
 tion, that I thought I was not able so much as to entertain 
 one good thought. That night a father of the Society had 
 died in the same house, and mass was then being offered for 
 the repose of his soul. While I was recommending him to 
 God as well as I was able, I fell into a very great rapture, 
 and I saw him ascending into heaven in great glory, our Lord 
 himself accompanying him by a particular favor. 
 
 Another friar of our Order, a very good man, was very 
 dangerously ill; and I being then at mass, fell into recollec¬ 
 tion, and saw him departing out of this world, and going 
 immediately to heaven, without entering purgatory at all; 
 and he died, as I was told afterwards, at the very hour that 
 1 saw him. I wondered that he had escaped purgatory ; but 
 was given to understand, that as he was a religious, and had 
 carefully observed the vows of his profession, the Bulls of 
 indulgence granted in favor of the Order, had availed him 
 towards his exemption from purgatory. This, I suppose, was 
 signified to me, as implying, that more is required to make a 
 religious than merely wearing the habit. 
 
 •j\ W P re .^ e 110 more of these things, because (as I have 
 said) there is no necessity for it, though our Lord has done 
 me the favor to show me very many. But among all the 
 souls which I have seen, I did not understand that any one 
 
LIFE OF gT.TERESA. 
 
 302 
 
 escaped going to purgatory, but only this last Father, and 
 that holy man, Peter of Alcantara, and another holy man, 
 of the Order of St. Dominic (Peter Ibanez). Our Lord has 
 also been pleased to let me see the several degrees of glory 
 to which they have been raised, the places being represented 
 to me wherein they are : there is a great difference between 
 some and others. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIX. 
 
 THE SAINT GIVES AN ACCOUNT OF OTHKR MIRACULOUS GRACES AND 
 
 8UBLIME VISIONS WITH WHICH SHE WAS FAVORED BY OUR LORD. 
 
 I was once very importunate with our Lord, that He 
 would be pleased to restore sight to a certain person to whom 
 I was under great obligations, who had become almost quite 
 blind; and I was afraid our Lprd would not hear my prayer, 
 on account of my sins. He tlien appeared to me, as He had 
 done at other times, and began to show me the wound in His 
 left hand, and with His right hand He drew out the great 
 nail which had been fastened in it: and I thought that some 
 of the very flesh came out with the nail, by which it was 
 evident .how great was the pain it caused Him. The sight 
 of it pierced my heart with grief. He told me, u that since 
 He had endured that for my sake, I should not doubt but 
 that He would more willingly grant this request of mine ; 
 and so He promised me, that I should ask Him nothing that 
 He would not do; for He knew already, that I would beg 
 nothing of Him but what shorl 1 be for His glory, and that 
 He would grant this favor v. hich I now begged for. He 
 bade me also consider, that even when I did not serve Him, 
 I had not desired anything of Him which He had not 
 granted, even better than 1 knew how to ask : and, there¬ 
 fore, how much more would He do it now, when He knew I 
 love'd Him! And that I must not doubt His word.” I 
 think eight days had not passed before our Lord restored 
 sight to this person. I informed my confessor of this imme¬ 
 diately when it happened. 
 
 Another time, there was a person sick of a very painful 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 363 
 
 infirmity, but as I do not know what the disease was, I can¬ 
 not give the particulars. It was very insupportable, and he 
 had been troubled with it for two months, and had been tor¬ 
 mented in such a way as to be almost torn in pieces. My 
 confessor, who was the rector I have mentioned, went to see 
 him; and, as he took great compassion on him,, he told me I 
 must by all means go and see him, for he was a relation of 
 mine. I went, and took so much pity on him, that I began 
 to beg his health of our Lord, in a very earnest and impor¬ 
 tunate manner. In this I saw clearly the favor our Lord 
 was pleased to grant me, for immediately the very next day, 
 he was quite free from his pain. 
 
 I was once in very great trouble, because I knew a cer¬ 
 tain person, to whom I was much indebted, was resolved to 
 do a thing which was greatly against the honor of God, as 
 well as his own, and yet he was resolutely bent upon it. My 
 affliction was great, because I knew not which way to find 
 any remedy to make him leave it, and it seemed to me that 
 there was none. I therefore begged very earnestly of God to 
 apply one, but without seeing myself able to alleviate my 
 pain. I then went to a little hermitage, somewhat retired, 
 where there was a picture of Christ at the pillar; and I be¬ 
 sought Him to do me that favor. While I was praying, I 
 heard a most sweet voice speaking to me, as if in the act of 
 whistling. At this I became greatly terrified, though I had 
 a strong desire to hear what it said to me; but I could not, 
 for it passed suddenly away. But when once my fear was 
 removed, which was soon, I remained in such great quiet and 
 joy, and such great interior delight, that I was amazed to 
 see how only hearing a voice (and that with my corporal ears, 
 and without any word) was able to produce so powerful an 
 operation in my soul. I perceived thereby that what I had 
 asked should be done, and accordingly all my solicitude was 
 removed, as much as if I had seen it actually performed, as 
 it was afterwards. I related the whole matter to my con¬ 
 fessors, both of whom were then very virtuous and learned 
 men. 
 
 I knew also a certain person who had resolved to serve 
 God very seriously, and had practiced mental prayer for 
 some time, and therein His Majesty had shown him many 
 
364 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 favors; and yet he omitted this kind of prayer upon certain 
 occasions which fell in his w r ay; and he did not avoid those 
 occasions, though they were very dangerous. This gave me 
 very great affliction, because the person was one whom I 
 loved much, and whom also I was bound to love. I think 
 it was more than a month, during which I did nothing else 
 hut beg of God that He would bring this soul back again 
 to Himself. At the end of this time, being one day in prayer, 
 I saw a devil very near me, with certain papers in his hands, 
 which he was tearing; he seemed to be in a very great pas¬ 
 sion. This gave me much comfort, because thereby I knew 
 that my request was granted; and so it was, as I learnt 
 afterwards ; for the individual had been to confession, which 
 he had made with great contrition; and he returned to God 
 so earnestly, that I hope in His Majesty he will always 
 advance in His service. May He be blessed by all men! 
 Amen. ^ 
 
 With regard to our Lord delivering souls from grievous 
 sins, at my humble supplication, and often bringing others 
 to greater perfection, and freeing souls from purgatory, and 
 doing many other extraordinary things, these favors of our 
 Lord have been so numerous, that I should weary both my¬ 
 self and my reader were I to mention them. These have 
 happened more frequently for the benefit of souls than of 
 bodies. This is so well known, that there are many wit¬ 
 nesses thereof. At first, I had many scruples about it, be¬ 
 cause I could not help believing that our Lord was pleased 
 to do many things by my prayers (I omit here speaking of 
 His goodness alone, which is the principal reason); but there 
 are now so many particulars, and so well known by others, 
 that I have no difficulty in believing this. It gives me, how¬ 
 ever, great confusion, because I find myself still more and 
 more His debtor; and, in my opinion, it increases my desire 
 to serve Him, and it revives my love. But that which 
 astonishes me still more, is, that those things which our Lord 
 finds not to be convenient, I cannot beg of Him, though I 
 might wish to do so, except with such little strength, spirit, 
 and attention, that though I would fain force myself, it is 
 impossible for me to do so in these, as in those other things 
 which His Majesty intends to perform, Such, I see, I am 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 365 
 
 able to beg often, and with great importunity; and tllough 
 I am not particularly anxious about them, yet, methinks, 
 they come before me of themselves. The difference between 
 the two ways of asking is so great, that I am unable to ex¬ 
 plain it. Though I ask only for one favor (and herein I 
 urge myself to beg the favor from our Lord, though I do 
 not feel that fervor within me, which I do in those other 
 cases, and yet these are closely connected with my welfare); 
 still, it is as if a man were tongue-tied, who, although he 
 would fain speak, yet cannot 5 and if the people speak, it is 
 in such a way that he sees they do not understand him; but, 
 in the other case, it is when a person speaks to another 
 clearly and plainly, and whom he finds very willing to hear 
 him. Let us say also that one of these favors is begged, as 
 if we were engaged in vocal prayer 5 and the other, by a 
 contemplation so sublime, that our Lord represents Himself 
 in such a way, that we understand that He understands us, 
 and that His Majesty rejoices in doing us the favor which we 
 beg of Him. May He always be blessed who gives so much, 
 and to whom I give so little! For what, 0 Lord ! does he 
 do, who does not wholly annihilate himself for Thee? And 
 yet, how much—how much—how much, and a thousand 
 times more might I say, how much am I wanting in this re¬ 
 spect ? On this account, I do not wish to live (though I 
 have other reasons also), because I do not live according to 
 my obligations towards Thee. How full of imperfections do 
 I see myself! What lukewarmness in Thy service ! Some¬ 
 times I really wish I had no sense, that so I might not know 
 how much evil there is about me : may He apply the remedy 
 who can do so! 
 
 Being in the house of a certain lady, of whom I have 
 spoken before, it was necessary to take great care, and 
 always to be considering the vanity of worldly things, be¬ 
 cause I was much esteemed and praised there; and there 
 were many occasions into which I might have fallen, if I had 
 looked to myself. But I looked up to Him, who has assured 
 me, that He would always protect me; as I am now speak¬ 
 ing of having a true knowledge of things, I remember the 
 great troubles which those persons, whom it has pleased God 
 to endue with a knowledge of the truth, must suffer when 
 31 * 
 
366 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 
 forced to treat with others about these earthly things, where 
 so much is disguised, as our Lord Himself once told me. 
 Many of the things which I mention here do not come from 
 myself, but have been told me by my heavenly Master. And, 
 because in all those things wherein I used to express myself 
 positively in these words *. “ This I understand;” or, u Oui 
 Lord told me;” I find very great scruple either in adding 
 or diminishing a syllable thereof, whenever I do not ex¬ 
 pressly remember every circumstance, I am accustomed 
 always to mention that as in my own name. Some things, 
 however, come from myself, though I do not remember any¬ 
 thing of mine, which is good in itself, because there is no 
 such quality in me, except what our Lord has given me, 
 without any merit on my part. I call it a thing said by me, 
 when it does not come to my knowledge by revelation. 
 
 But, 0 my God ! how comes it, that even in spiritual 
 matters, we are resolved many times to understand things 
 just according to our own opinion, and to twist them from 
 the true sense, as we always do with regard to the things 
 of this world; and we think we must estimate our spiritual 
 advancement, according to the years we have had some prac¬ 
 tice in prayer? It seems, also, that we wish to put a tax 
 upon Him, who, subject to no restraint, bestows His gifts 
 when He wills, and who can give more to one in half a year, 
 than to another in many years. These things I have so often 
 seen verified in many persons, that I wonder how we can 
 have the least doubt thereof. But I firmly believe, that a 
 man who has any talent in discerning spirits, and to whom 
 our Lord has given true humility, will not be subject to this 
 error. Such a person judges of things by their effects, and 
 by the resolutions, and love produced ; and our Lord gives 
 him light whereby he may understand it; and by that he 
 also discerns the proficiency and improvement of souls, and 
 not by the number of years, because one may have obtained 
 more in six months than another in twenty years. As I 
 have said before, our Lord gives His favors to whom He 
 willsand frequently He gives them to such as dispose 
 themselves best to receive them. There have now come to 
 this house certain ladies, who are very young; but, as our 
 Lord has touched their hearts, and given them a little light 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 367 
 
 and love (and this in a very short time, wherein He is pleased 
 to impart some pleasures to them), they do not stay and 
 pause, nor is any difficulty able to stop them; but they go 
 on, without even remembering their meals ; and they shut 
 themselves up forever in a house, without any revenue, like 
 a person who does not value his life, for the love of Him, 
 who they know loves them. They abandon all things, nor 
 have they any will of their own; ‘nor do they represent to 
 themselves, that sometimes they may, perhaps, feel unhappy 
 through being so strictly enclosed; but all of them together 
 offer themselves in sacrifice to God. How willingly do I 
 allow them to get before me herein ? And how ought I to 
 be confounded and ashamed in the presence of God, to see 
 that what His Majesty did not accomplish in me during so 
 many years, since I began to use mental prayer, and He be¬ 
 gan to bestow favors upon me, He has accomplished in them 
 within three months; yea, even with some of them in three 
 days, though He bestowed upon them less favors than He 
 did upon me; still, His Majesty rewards them well: I am 
 quite certain, then, that they are far from being sorry for 
 what they have done for the love of our Lord. 
 
 For this purpose, I wish we would remember how many 
 years it is since we made our profession, and have practiced 
 prayer; but not with the object of disturbing those, and 
 making them turn back, who have advanced a great deal in 
 a short time, that so we may induce them to go our pace. 
 This would be to make them who fly like eagles (through 
 the favors which it has pleased God to show them) to walk 
 no faster than a strong hen ; rather must we fix our eyes on 
 His divine Majesty, and if we find those persons humble whom 
 we find to be so much in advance, then we should let them 
 have a free course ; for certainly our Lord, who shows such 
 great favors, will never suffer them to fall headlong. They 
 put their trust in God, and this benefit they reap from the 
 truths which faith teaches them! and shall not we then trust 
 them ? Must we wish to measure them by our measure, ac¬ 
 cording to the littleness and lowliness of our minds'? No! 
 not so ; for if we cannot acquire those strong affections and 
 resolutions (and these cannot be well understood without 
 experience), let us humble ourselves, and not condemn them. 
 
368 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 By seeming to look at their advancement, we shall deprive 
 ourselves of our own, and lose the occasion our Lord gives 
 us for our own greater humility, and for better understand¬ 
 ing how much we are still deficient in, and also that we may 
 see how much more those other souls are disengaged from 
 all earthly things than we are; and how much more closely 
 they are united to God than we are, since His Majesty ap¬ 
 proaches so near to them. 
 
 I mean nothing more, nor do I desire to be understood 
 further, than that I had much rather have such prayer for a 
 short time, and which is found to produce such great effects 
 (and these are known immediately; for it is impossible that 
 one should be content to forsake the whole world at once, for 
 the sole reason of pleasing God, without being impelled by 
 the great force of love) than that which has continued for 
 man y y ears > and never made an end of resolving more at the 
 last than the first to do anything for the service of God, unless 
 it be some insignificant little things no bigger than a grain 
 of salt, which has neither weight nor bulk, except what a 
 bird might carry in its bill. Let us not look upon it as any 
 notable effect or mortification when we make great account 
 of doing some things for the love of our Lord, which it is a 
 pity we should value at such a rate, however many such acts 
 we may perform. I am myself one of these persons, and I 
 continually forget the favors of God. I say not but that 
 His Majesty will put some value on these little things, for He 
 is good : but I do not wish to make any account of them, 
 nor so much as see that I do them, since they are nothing. 
 But pardon me, 0 Lord ! and blame me not; for I must con¬ 
 sole myself with something, since I serve Thee in nothing : for 
 if I really did serve Thee in great things, I would make no 
 account of these nothings. Happy are they who do Thee 
 service by their noble actions! If by envying them, and 
 desiring to do the like, might be accepted by Thee as for 
 payment of what I owe, I should not be very far behind in 
 pleasing Thee. But, 0 my Lord ! I am good for nothing i 
 give me some value, since Thou lovest me so much. 
 
 There lately came a brief from Rome, ordering that this 
 monastery should be incapable of having revenue. This 
 circumstance completed everything: and though it cost me 
 
§ome trouble to accomplish this object, yet it gave me great 
 consolation to see things thus settled. Reflecting upon the 
 difficulties I had met with, and praising our Lord for being 
 pleased to have made use of me, I began to look back upon 
 what had happened; and it is very true, that in every one 
 of those particulars wherein there might be any appearance 
 that I had contributed, I found many faults and imperfec¬ 
 tions, and sometimes little courage, and oftentimes little 
 faith. Up to this time, when I see everything accomplished 
 which our Lord told me should be done concerning this house, 
 
 I never did come to any fixed belief that this would be the 
 case, though yet I could not doubt it in the least. neither 
 did I know how all this could be ; but often it seemed impos¬ 
 sible on one side, and yet it could not be doubted on the 
 other. I mean, one could not help believing that the under¬ 
 taking would not be accomplished. In a word, I found that 
 our Lord himself did all the good which was done, and I all 
 the evil ; and so I gave over thinking about it, and would 
 not call it to my remembrance, lest I might stumble on my 
 numerous faults. Blessed be He who when He pleaseth 
 
 draws good from them all. Amen. 
 
 I say, then, that it is a dangerous thing to go measuring 
 the years during which we have practiced prayer: for al¬ 
 though there may be humility, yet there may also be some¬ 
 thing else,—an opinion that we had deserved some favor for 
 our pains. I do not deny but that these years have acquired 
 some merit for us, and so we shall be well paid for them . 
 but if any spiritual person shall think, that for the many 
 years in which he has practiced prayer he deserves these 
 great favors, I consider it certain he will never have them. 
 It is not enough that he has been protected by God from 
 committing such sins as he fell into before he gave himself 
 to prayer, but now he must needs sue His Majesty for His 
 own money, as the saying is. This does not seem to me pro¬ 
 found humility, but yet it may be so: but I think it rather 
 a boldness, since I who have such little humility never dare 
 presume so far. But as I never did God any service, I beg¬ 
 ged no such favor from Him ; whereas, if I had done any* I 
 should have desired (more than any other) of our Lord, that 
 I might be rewarded for my pains. I do not say but that a 
 
370 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 soul may go on increasing by this means, and that God will 
 make her amends, if her prayer has been humble. But we 
 shdTild not call to mind those years ; for whatever we are 
 able to do is all mean and vile in comparison with the least 
 drop of that blood which our Lord shed for us. And if the 
 more we serve the more we become His debtors, how strange 
 that we should begin asking for recompenses, since if we pay 
 a farthing of the old debt, He returns us a thousand ducats 
 for it. For the love of God, let us leave these judgments 
 which belong to Him. These comparisons are always bad, 
 even in things of this world: and what will they be in that 
 which God only knows ? His Majesty gave a good example 
 of this, when He paid the last as much as the first (in the 
 parable of the Gospel). 
 
 I* have written these three leaves at so many different 
 times during several days (for I had, and have still, as I said, 
 so little leisure), that I forgot what I was beginning to say 
 about this vision ; and it is this :—Being one day in prayer, 
 I saw in a great field, where I was by myself, people of dif¬ 
 ferent kind around me : it seemed to me that every one of 
 them had arms in his hands to injure me : some had lances, 
 some swords, some daggers, and others very long tucks.f 
 In a w 7 ord, I found I could not get out of this place in any 
 direction without exposing myself to death, especially as I 
 was alone, and had no one to take my part. Being in such 
 great affliction of spirit that I knew not what to do, I lifted 
 up my eyes and saw Christ our Lord,—not in heaven, but 
 very high above me in the air; and He stretched forth His 
 hand to me, and favored me in such a manner from that 
 time, that I neither feared all the other people, nor were 
 they able to do me any harm, even if they wished. This 
 vision seemed at first to be without any fruit, but it has since 
 done me a great deal of good, because I have come to under¬ 
 stand what it meant. For shortly after, I found myself 
 placed in almost a similar engagement, and I knew this vis¬ 
 ion was quite a figure and representation of the world. For 
 all that is in it seems to carry with it weapons to injure our 
 
 * The Saint here resumes the thread of her discourse, 
 f “ Estdques—long narrow swords,—tucks. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 371 
 
 poor soul,—as honors, riches, and pleasures, &c. It is clear 
 that the soul gets caught in a net before she is aware ; at 
 least, all these things do their best to ensnare us : nay, friends, 
 kindred, and (what amazes me more) even persons who are 
 very virtuous. Afterwards I found myself so tied by them 
 (they thinking in the meantime no harm was done by them), 
 that I knew not how to defend myself, or what to do. 0 my 
 God ! if I could relate all the various kind of troubles which 
 I endured at this time, even after I had suffered- what I have 
 mentioned before, this would be sufficient to make one utterly 
 abhor everything here below ; for it was, I think, the great¬ 
 est persecution that ever I had to endure. I sometimes 
 found myself so straitened on all sides, that I only found 
 a remedy in lifting up my eyes to heaven, and calling upon 
 God. I remembered very well what I had seen in this vis¬ 
 ion ; and it did me a great deal of good, towards making me 
 not put confidence in any one ; for no one is firm and stable 
 but God. In all these great afflictions which God sent me, He 
 always provided some person or other who might assist me, 
 in Ilis name, as He assured He would, and as He showed me 
 in this last vision, without attaching myself to anything, but 
 wishing only to please Him : and this has been sufficient to 
 support the poor little degree of virtue I had in desiring to 
 serve Him. Be Thou blessed forever! 
 
 Being once very unquiet and troubled, so as not to be 
 able to recollect myself; and, moreover, being engaged in a 
 battle and conflict, with my thoughts roving upon things not 
 very perfect, and not seeming to myself to be so perfectly 
 untied from all things as I used to be, when I saw myself so 
 wicked, I began to be afraid lest the favors which our Lord 
 had shown me might be illusions, and I remained in very 
 great obscurity. While I was in this affliction, our Lord 
 began to speak to me, and bade me “ not to be thus disqui¬ 
 eted, but as I found myself in my present state, I should 
 thereby understand how great a misery I should be in if once 
 lie should depart from me ; and that there was no security as 
 long as we lived in this flesh of ours.” I was also given to 
 understand how well our labor was employed in this conflict 
 and war, since these combats would merit so great a reward. 
 Our Lord likewise seemed to pity those who lived in the 
 
372 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 world, adding, “that I must not think He had forgotten me: 
 that He would never leave me, but yet that I must still do 
 my part.” These words He spoke with great tenderness and 
 affection : and many other words also His Majesty often 
 addressed to me, showing great favor, and which I need not 
 here relate. These He often spoke with great love : “ Thou 
 shalt be mine, and I will be thine.” And the words which 
 I am always accustomed to say (and in my opinion I say them 
 with sincerity), are these: “ What do I care, 0 Lord, for 
 myself, but only for Thee.” 
 
 But these words and favors of His give me excessive con¬ 
 fusion, when I remember what I am. Hence it seems (as I 
 think I have often said, and sometimes say still to my con¬ 
 fessor) there is more need of courage for receiving these high 
 favors, than for enduring even the greatest afflictions. When 
 this happens, I almost forget my good works, and then I 
 remember how wicked I am, without any discourse of the 
 understanding. This also seems sometimes to be super¬ 
 natural. 
 
 Sometimes there came upon me such strong desires of re¬ 
 ceiving the most Blessed Sacrament, that I knew not how 
 to express them properly. It happened one morning to rain 
 so heavily, that it did not seem fit for me to go out of doors : 
 however, when I was out, I was so far transported with this 
 desire, that even though spears were set against my breast, 
 methought I could have passed through them all: and how 
 much more through water ! As soon as I entered the church 
 I was seized with a great rapture. It seemed as if the 
 heavens were opened, and I saw there a throne which had 
 been represented to me before, as I have told your Reve¬ 
 rence, and above that another throne, upon which I under¬ 
 stood (in a way I cannot express) that the Almighty rested, 
 though I saw Him not. This throne seemed to be supported 
 by certain animals, and I considered whether they might not 
 be the Evangelists. But I neither saw how the throne was 
 placed, nor who was sitting upon it, but only a very great 
 multitude of angels were around it. These appeared to be 
 much more beautiful than those others I had formerly seen 
 in heaven. I have been thinking whether they were Cheru¬ 
 bim or Seraphim, for they were very different from others in 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 373 
 
 glory, and they seemed to be all on fire. The glory which 
 I then felt in myself can neither be written nor described, 
 nor is any one able to conceive it, but only such as have 
 been made partakers of it. I understand that whatever can 
 possibly be desired was there united, and yet I saw nothing. 
 They told me (though I know not who), that what I could 
 do there was to understand that I could understand nothing, 
 but that I might see the nothingness of all things in com¬ 
 parison with that. And it is true; my soul was afterwards 
 confounded to observe that she was able to rest at all on 
 anything created, and how much more to be affected by it, 
 for everything seemed to me no more than an ant-hill. 1 
 communicated, and remained during the whole of the mass, 
 though I knew not how it could be so. The time seemed 
 to me to have been very short; and I wondered when the 
 clock struck to find that I had been in the rapture for two 
 hours. 
 
 After this I was amazed to see how by approaching to 
 this fire, which seemed to come from above, out of the true 
 love of God, the old man of defects, and lukewarmness, and 
 misery, seems to be consumed (for however much I desired 
 and endeavored to procure it, though I was willing to anni¬ 
 hilate myself for the purpose); yet it was not in my power 
 to get the least spark thereof, but only when His Majesty is 
 pleased to give it. As I have read of the phoenix, out of 
 whose ashes when she is burnt another springs up, just so 
 does a soul become quite another creature, with desires 
 wholly different, and with a courage so great, that she seems 
 not to be what she was before, but begins to walk with a 
 new kind of purity in the way of our Lord. As I was be¬ 
 seeching His Majesty that this might prove to be so in my 
 case, and that I might begin afresh to serve Him, He thus 
 spoke to me :—“ Thou hast made a good comparison : see 
 that thou forget not to endeavor always to be improving 
 Thyself.” 
 
 Being once in the same doubt, of which I have spoken 
 above, whether these visions came from God, our Lord ap¬ 
 peared to me, and uttered these words with severity :—“ 0 
 ye sons of men, how long will ye be dull of heart?” He 
 wished me to examine myself well on this point: whether I 
 82 
 
374 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA# 
 
 had wholly given up myself to Him or no; and that if I had 
 given myself up and were His, I should believe He would 
 not suffer ine to perish. I was greatly afflicted when He 
 uttered that exclamation ; but He turned to me with much 
 tenderness and affection, and told me, “ that I must not 
 afflict myself: that He knew well I would not fail to apply 
 myself entirely to His service, and that He also would do 
 what I desired.” He was then pleased to bestow the par¬ 
 ticular favor I was begging of Him, saying, “ that I should 
 consider the love which "was daily increasing in me, for 
 thereby I might perceive that the devil had no part in it, 
 and that I must not think God would consent that the devil 
 should have so much power over the souls of His servants 
 as to be able to give me such a clearness of understanding, 
 together with such a repose of mind as I possessed.” He 
 also made me understand, that since so many persons had 
 told me “ that these visions came from God, I should do 
 wrong if I did not believe them.” 
 
 As I was once reciting the Creed of St. Athanasius, 
 “ Quicumque vult,” I was given to understand the manner 
 how there was only one God in three Persons, and this in 
 so clear a way that I was both comforted and amazed ex¬ 
 ceedingly. This did me a very great deal of good for in¬ 
 creasing my knowledge concerning the greatness of God and 
 His wonders. And now when I think or speak of the most 
 Holy Trinity, it seems as if I knew something of the mys¬ 
 tery ; and this gives me great pleasure. 
 
 On the feast of the Assumption of the Queen of Angels, 
 our Blessed Lady, our Lord was pleased to do me this favor 
 in a rapture : to represent to me her Assumption into heaven, 
 together with the joy and solemnity with which she was re¬ 
 ceived, and also the place she holds. I cannot describe 
 what kind of a vision this was. The glory which my soul 
 had, to see that hers is so great, was extreme; and I felt 
 great effects and improvement from such a sight, and desired 
 to suffer still greater afflictions here. It also increased my 
 desire to serve our Lady, seeing that her merit was so 
 great. 
 
 Being one day in a college of the Society of Jesus, and 
 the Fathers of that house then receiving the most Blessed 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 375 
 
 Sacrament, I saw a very rich canopy over their heads; and 
 this two several times : when other persons communicated I 
 did not see it. 
 
 CHAPTER XL. 
 
 THE SAINT CONTINUES THE SAME DISCOURSE, AND RELATES SOME 
 
 MORE OF THE GREAT FAVORS OUR LORD SHOWED HER ; SHE THEN 
 
 FINISHES THE ACCOUNT OF HER LIFE. 
 
 Being once in prayer, the delight which I felt was so 
 great, that knowing myself to be unworthy of such a favor, 
 I began to consider how much I deserved that place in hell, 
 which I had seen prepared for me, and which (as I said then) 
 I shall never forget. By means of this consideration, my 
 soul began to be much more inflamed, and there came a rap¬ 
 ture-on me, but in such a manner that I know not how to 
 explain it: for I seemed to be plunged in that Majesty which 
 at other times I only understood. In this Majesty I was 
 allowed to comprehend a certain truth, which is the accom¬ 
 plishment of all truth. I know not how to relate it, for I 
 saw nothing; but these words were said to me, though yet I 
 saw not any one who spoke them : but I knew well it was 
 the same truth:—“ That which I do for thee is no small 
 matter, but it is one of those things for which thou owest 
 Me much; because all the evil which happens to the world 
 proceeds from not clearly knowing the truths of Scripture : 
 one tit* le thereof shall not fail.” As regards myself, I 
 thought that I had always believed this, and that all the 
 faithful likewise believed it. He then said to me again, 
 “ Ah, daughter! how few truly love Me! If they did, I 
 would not conceal my secrets from them. Dost thou know 
 what it is to love Me according to truth ? It is to know that 
 all is a lie which is not pleasing to Me. Thou shalt see this 
 clearly, which now thou dost not understand, by the profit 
 which thy soul shall obtain.” And so it has been done, our 
 Lord be praised : for from that time everything which is not 
 referred to the service of God does seem to me to be so great 
 a vanity and a lie, that I am in no way able to express it as 
 
376 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 I understand it: neither can I express the pity I feel to seo 
 men live in such great darkness respecting this truth. By 
 these words I was benefited in many ways, of which I will 
 here relate some, for many others I cannot. Our Lord spoke 
 a particular word to me of the greatest favor. I know not 
 how this was, for I saw nothing; but I remained afterwards 
 (in a manner which I cannot explain, with exceeding great 
 fortitude, and a firm resolution of accomplishing even the 
 least article of the divine Scripture with all my power. And 
 nothing, it seems to me, could present itself to me through 
 which I would not pass for this purpose. 
 
 There also remained a truth of this divine truth, which 
 was here represented to me, though without my knowing 
 how or what, and so deeply engraven in my heart that it 
 inspires me with a new kind of reverence for God, because 
 it imparts such a knowledge of His majesty and power, and 
 this in such a manner as cannot be expressed. I can only 
 understand it is a wonderful thing. I had also a very great 
 desire only to speak of things that were really true, and 
 which are above whatever is spoken of here in this world, 
 and so I began to find it painful to live in it. This vision 
 left me with great tenderness, delight, and humility ; and I 
 had no suspicion whatever that it was a delusion. I saw 
 nothing, but yet I understood the great benefit there is in 
 not making account of anything which does not bring us 
 nearer to God : I also understood how important it is for 
 souls to walk in the truth, in presence of this same truth, 
 for our Lord gave me to understand that He is the very 
 Truth itself. 
 
 All that I have mentioned here I sometimes understood 
 by their being spoken to me, and at other times without my 
 being spoken to; but yet these I understood more clearly 
 than those others which were imparted to me by words. 
 I learnt very high truths respecting this Truth, and better 
 than many learned men could have taught me. It seems 
 to me, that in no way could they have imprinted them on my 
 mind, nor so clearly have made me understand the vanity of 
 this world. This Truth of which I speak is the Truth in 
 itself, and is without beginning or end; and all other truths 
 depend upon this Truth, and all other loves on this Love, 
 
377 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 and all other greatness upon this Greatness; though what I 
 say is said so dimly, in comparison with that clearness with 
 which our Lord was pleased to make me understand it. 
 And how does the power of His Majesty appear, in giving 
 so great a gain in so short a time, and other such things as 
 are imprinted on the soul! 0 greatness and majesty of my 
 
 God! What wonders dost Thou not do, my all-powerful 
 God ! Consider who it is to whom Thou showest such high 
 favors. Dost Thou not remember how this soul has been 
 a very abyss of lies—an ocean of vanities % And all this 
 was through my own fault; for though Thou didst give me 
 an inclination which naturally abhorred lying, yet I was apt 
 in many things to act in a deceitful way. How can this be 
 endured, 0 my God! And how can such goodness and 
 love on Thy part be shown to one who has so ill deserved 
 them ? 
 
 As I was once reciting the hours of the Divine Office, with 
 all the rest of the nuns, my soul immediately began to be 
 recollected; and there seemed to be something like a clear 
 looking-glass, without having anything either on the back, 
 or on the sides, or above, or below, which was not all ex¬ 
 ceeding clear. In the very centre of this Christ our Lord 
 was represented to me, just as I am accustomed to see Him. 
 It seemed as if I saw Him clearly in all the parts of my 
 soul, as in a looking-glass; and this glass was engraven all 
 over (though I know not how), and our Lord Himself was 
 represented in such a very enamored way that I cannot ex¬ 
 press it. I know this vision has been of great benefit to me, 
 every time I remember it, especially after receiving the most 
 Blessed Sacrament. Hereby I was given to understand, 
 that when a soul is in mortal sin, it is like covering this glass 
 with a great cloud, and making it become very dark ; so 
 that though our Lord be ever present with us, thereby giv¬ 
 ing us our very being, yet then He is not so represented or 
 seen in us; and that when any persons become heretics, then 
 the looking-glass is, as it were, broken, which is far worse 
 than to be obscured. But there is a great difference be¬ 
 tween my seeing this and relating it, for it is difficult to 
 make it understood. But the vision has done much good, 
 and has filled me with great grief for those times wherein j 
 32 * 
 
378 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 myself obscured my soul, so as not to be able to behold my 
 Lord. 
 
 This vision seems very useful to persons of recollection, 
 to teach them a way of thinking of our Lord as if in the most 
 interior part of their soul: and this is a consideration which 
 keeps the closest to them, and is much more beneficial than 
 if He were considered as out of the soul, according to what 
 I have said elsewhere: it is also contained in some books 
 written on prayer, by which we are to seek God. The glori¬ 
 ous St. Austin especially speaks of it, for he tells us, that 
 neither in the streets, nor in pleasures, nor in public places, 
 where he sought God, did he find Him so well as in himself; 
 and this is evidently the best way. And there is no need 
 for us to go to heaven, nor any further off than ourselves, 
 for this would only weary and distract the soul, and not do 
 us near so much good. 
 
 I wish to mention one circumstance here, if any one has 
 such a thing, and it happens in a great rapture. When the 
 time is past wherein the soul remains in union, so that her 
 faculties are wholly absorbed (and this lasts, as I have said, 
 but a short time), the soul remains still recollected, and is 
 not able, as to the exterior, to return to herself. But those 
 two faculties, the memory and the understanding, remain in 
 a kind of phrenzy, and quite foolish. This, I say, happens 
 sometimes, especially in the beginnings. I have been think¬ 
 ing whether it may not proceed from this, that our natural 
 weakness cannot bear such strength of spirit, by which the 
 imagination is much weakened : I know this happens to some. 
 Now, in such cases, I think it would be good to force them¬ 
 selves to leave off their prayers for that time, and recover 
 afterwards what they lose then, so that all come not together, 
 for it might be an occasion of much harm. I have experi¬ 
 ence of this, and also how secure a thing it is to consider 
 how much our health can bear. 
 
 In all things there will be need of experience and a master, 
 for when once a soul has come so far, many things will occur 
 which will require us to have some one to consult; and if 
 any such cannot be found, when sought for, our Lord will 
 not be wanting to them, since He would not be wanting to 
 me, though I am such a wicked creature, for I believe there 
 
379 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 are few who have attained to the experience of so many 
 things 5 and if there be not experience, it is in vain to pre¬ 
 scribe any remedy which will not rather serve to afflict and 
 disquiet the soul. But our Lord will take even this also for 
 a payment, and therefore it will be the best to consult some 
 one on the subject (as I have mentioned before, and also on 
 all those things of which I am now speaking); this I see is 
 of great importance, especially if there be women, to consult 
 with their confessor. There are many more women than men 
 to whom our Lord imparts these favors ; this I heard from 
 that holy man, Peter (f Alcantara (and I have seen it also 
 myself), that they profited more in this way than men do. 
 He gave excellent reasons for his opinion, which need not 
 be mentioned here: all were in favor of women. 
 
 Another time, when I was in prayer, there was suddenly 
 represented to me, with very great clearness, though without 
 my seeing anything formed, how all things are seen in Glod, 
 and how He holds them all in Himself. I know not how to 
 describe this, but it remained deeply imprinted on my soul; 
 and it is one of the great favors which our Lord has shown 
 me, and one of those too which has put me to the greatest 
 shame and confusion, when I considered the sins I had com¬ 
 mitted against Him. I believe that if our Lord had been 
 pleased to let me see this vision at some other time, or if they 
 could see it who offend Him, they would never dare to act 
 as they do. I say, it appeared to me so, but in such a way, 
 that I cannot affirm I saw anything; something, however, 
 must have been seen by me, since I am able to make this 
 comparison ; but this was in so subtle and delicate a way, 
 that the understanding is not able to reach it, or else, that I 
 have no experience in those visions, which do not seem to be 
 imaginary: in some of these there may be something of the 
 imaginary; only, as the powers of the soul are then in a rap¬ 
 ture, they are not able afterwards to describe, how our Lord 
 represents Himself to them therein, and how He is pleased 
 that they should enjoy Him. Let us suppose the Divinity 
 to be like some very bright diamond, much larger than the 
 whole universe ; or else, like some looking-glass, after the 
 manner that I spoke before of the soul in that other vision 
 (except that this is in so sublime a manner that I cannot 
 
380 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 express it), and that whatever we do is seen in this diamond; 
 for it is so great as to comprise all things within it, and 
 nothing is able to escape from that greatness. It was a very 
 amazing sight to see, in so very short a time, so many things 
 all united together in this bright diamond: but it was also a 
 subject of extreme grief to me, and it is so every time I re¬ 
 member it, to see that monsters so ugly and foul as my sins 
 were, should be represented with such great clearness of 
 light. The truth is, that whenever I remember it, I know 
 not how to endure it; and, at that time, I was so much con¬ 
 founded and ashamed, that it seemed I could not tell where 
 to hide my head. Oh ! that some one could make this truth 
 well understood by those who commit filthy sins, that so they 
 might remember those sins are not hidden, and that God has 
 reason to be very sensible of those wrongs, since they are so 
 truly committed in the presence of His Majesty, and that we 
 behave ourselves with such base irreverence before Him. I 
 saw also how justly hell is deserved by one mortal sin, because 
 we cannot understand what a most heinous thing it is to com¬ 
 mit any such crime in the presence of so great a Majesty; 
 and what a difference there is between what He is, and what 
 our sins are. His mercy, likewise, appears hereby so much 
 the more, since, notwithstanding we know all this, He still 
 bears with us. It also made me consider, that if such a 
 vision as this can leave the soul so extremely astonished and 
 confounded, what will the day of judgment be, when this 
 Majesty will show itself clearly to us, and when we shall see 
 the offences we have committed. 0 my God! what blind¬ 
 ness is this which has seized me ! I have often been amazed 
 when I reflect on what I have written ; and your Reverence 
 may wonder how I am able to live when I see these things, 
 and consider myself. May He be eternally blessed, who has 
 borne with me so long! 
 
 Being once in prayer, in very great recollection, with 
 much sweetness and quiet, I thought I was entirely sur¬ 
 rounded with angels, and was very near to God. I began 
 to beseech His Majesty for the welfare of the Church, and I 
 was given to understand the great good a certain Order* 
 
 * The Saint evidently alludes to the Society of Jesus. 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 381 
 
 would do in the world, in these latter times, and the great 
 courage with which the members thereof would uphold the 
 faith. Being once in prayer, near the most Blessed Sacra¬ 
 ment, a certain saint appeared to me, whose Order was in 
 some decay. He had a great hook in his hand, which he 
 opened, and bade me read certain words in it, which were 
 very large and legible; they were these : “ In future times 
 this Order shall flourish, and have many martyrs.” 
 
 Another time, being at matins in the choir, six or seven 
 persons were represented to me, who appeared to he of the 
 same Order, with swords in their hands. I thought, that 
 by this I was given to understand they were to defend the 
 faith ; for, being in prayer, at another time, I was rapt in 
 spirit, and I seemed to be in a very spacious field, where 
 many were fighting, and they who belonged to this Order 
 fought with great courage. Their faces were beautiful, and 
 very inflamed; and they threw multitudes down upon the 
 ground, quite beaten, and others they killed : this battle 
 seemed to be carried on against heretics. I have seen this 
 glorious saint many times, and he has told me some things, 
 and has given me thanks for the prayers I offered up for his 
 Order, and he promised to recommend me to our Lord. I 
 do not specify the different Orders here, lest others might 
 take offence at it, though, if our Lord please to have them 
 known, he may mention them. But every Order, or every 
 member thereof, should endeavor, that by this means our 
 Lord may make his Order so happy, that as the Church is 
 now in such great trouble, they may be able to serve it. 
 Happy are the lives which are spent in such a cause. 
 
 A certain person once desired me to pray to God, that he 
 might understand whether it would be for His glory if he 
 accepted a bishopric ? I did so ; and, after I had received 
 the Holy Communion, our Lord gave me this answer : u When 
 he shall understand, with all truth and clearness, that true 
 dominion consists in possessing nothing, then he may accept 
 it.” These words give us to understand, that whoever is to 
 be a bishop, must be far from desiring or seeking such a 
 dignity, or, at least, he must not seek to procure it. These 
 favors, and many others also, have been, and are still, very 
 pften ehowR to this poor sinner; which, I think, it is not 
 
382 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 necessary to relate, since, by those which I have already 
 mentioned, my soul may be known, and the spirit our Lord 
 has given me may be understood. May He be blessed for¬ 
 ever, who has taken such great care of me ! He told me 
 once, to comfort me, 66 that I should not afflict myself (and 
 this he spoke with the most tender love), for that in this life 
 we could not possibly be always in the same state, but that 
 sometimes I should be fervent, and sometimes not; some¬ 
 times I should have trouble and temptations, and at other 
 times quietness and peace; but that I must always trust in 
 Him, and fear nothing.” 
 
 I was one day thinking, whether it was not an attachment 
 to creatures, to take pleasure in being with those persons to 
 whom I mentioned the affairs of my soul, and to love them; 
 and with others also, who I find are such great servants of 
 God, that I comforted myself with them, our Lord said to 
 me : u That if a sick man who is in danger of death, thinks 
 a physician has restored him to health, it would not be a 
 virtue to neglect to thank him, and to love him •, and what 
 should I have done, had it not been for such as they ? That 
 the conversation of the good never did any harm, but that 
 my words must ever be well weighed and holy, and therefore 
 I should not omit treating with them, for it would prove 
 rather beneficial than hurtful.” These words comforted me 
 much ; for, sometimes as I seemed to be too addicted to crea¬ 
 tures, I desired to give up entirely all converse with them. 
 Our Lord always gave me advice in everything, so far as to 
 tell me how I should act towards the weak, and some others 
 also; and He never forgets to take care of me. But some¬ 
 times I am troubled to see how little I can do in His service, 
 and also to see that I am forced to spend more time than I 
 would, upon so weak and sinful a body as mine is. 
 
 I was once in prayer, and when the time for retiring to 
 rest had come, I found myself in great pain, and expected 
 to have my usual fit of vomiting. Observing myself, there¬ 
 fore, so tied up, while the soul, on the other hand, desired to 
 have some time for herself, I began to be greatly afflicted, 
 and to weep much. And this has happened, not only once* 
 but, as I mention, very often; and it caused such an indig¬ 
 nation against myself, that I heartily abhor myself at the 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 383 
 
 time, though it is true I do not abhor myself as I ought; 
 nor yet am 1 wanting in what I see is necessary for me ; and 
 God grant that I may not take more care of myself than I 
 should, for so I fear I do. While I was in this affliction, our 
 Lord appeared to me, and told me, 6i that I must go through 
 these things, and endure all for the love of Him, for my life 
 was necessary yet.” And so, methinks, I never see myself 
 now in any great pain which I care about, since I have re¬ 
 solved to serve this Lord and Comforter of mine with all my 
 power ; for, though He has permitted me to suffer a little, 
 yet He has comforted me in such a manner, that I do not 
 consider myself to do much in desiring afflictions ; and thus 
 there seems no reason why I should live, except only to 
 suffer: this is what I beg with most affection from God. 
 Sometimes I say to Him, with my whole heart: “ 0 Lord! 
 either to die or to suffer. I beg nothing else of Thee for 
 myself. It comforts me to hear the clock strike, for then 1 
 think I draw a little nearer to my seeing God, since one 
 hour more of my life is past. 
 
 At other times, I find myself in such a way, that I neither 
 relish my life, nor yet, methinks, desire death ; but I remain 
 with a kind of tepidity and darkness in all things, for (as I 
 have said) I have often great troubles. And since our Lord 
 was pleased that these favors should be publicly known, 
 which His Majesty has bestowed upon me (as He himself 
 some years ago told me they should be, which greatly afflicted 
 me; for every one understands them as he likes), I comfort 
 myself that it has not been my fault ; because I never spoke 
 of any such thing, except either to my confessors, or those 
 others, who, as I knew by them, had been informed thereof; 
 for of this I was very cautious, even to extremity, not so 
 much out of humility, as on account of the difficulty that I 
 had to speak even to my confessors about these matters. 
 Now, glory be to God, though there may be some who 
 blame me much, and with good intentions: and others 
 who are afraid to speak to me, or even hear my confessions ; 
 and others who say many things about me ; yet, since I un¬ 
 derstand that our Lord has been pleased, by this means, to 
 bring many souls to His service (as I have seen very clearlv, 
 and I remember how much He himself would endure for 
 
384 
 
 LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 
 
 gaining one soul)) I am very little troubled about it. I am 
 not sure whether this may not be, because His Majesty has put 
 me in this little corner, where I am in such strict enclosure, 
 and where I hoped there would be no more remembrance of 
 me than if I had been dead. But people’s forgetfulness is 
 not so great as I wished; and since then I have been some¬ 
 times obliged to speak with persons. But as I am not now 
 where I can be seen, it seems our Lord has been pleased to 
 drive me to a port, which, I trust in His Majesty, will he a 
 secure one. And since I am now out of the world, and in 
 the company of a few and holy persons, I look down upon 
 things, as if from a mountain, and I care very little about 
 what people say or think of me. I should feel more, if any 
 one soul should have profited (though ever so little) in God’s 
 service by my means, than I shall ever do at all that can he 
 said of me; for now, since I have been here, our Lord has 
 been pleased that all my desires should terminate in this 
 (the salvation of souls). He has given me a kind of sleep 
 in this life, which makes it seem to me, that what I see here 
 is a dream ; nor am I able to say, that I perceive in myself 
 either much pleasure or trouble from the things of this world. 
 If sometimes I feel any pleasure, it passes away with such 
 speed that I am astonished ; and it leaves no other impres¬ 
 sion than a dream does. It is quite true, that although I 
 should afterwards have a mind, either to rejoice at any plea¬ 
 sure, or to be sorry at any affliction, it is not in my power to 
 do so; just as a sensible person would not be glad or sorry 
 about what he had dreamed ; for now our Lord has been 
 pleased to awaken me, and free my soul from all that which 
 before made me to have such feelings, because then I was 
 not truly mortified, nor dead to the things of this world. 
 May His Majesty grant that I may become blind no mere. 
 
 In this way, my Reverend Father, do I live now ; and 
 I trust your Reverence will beg of God, that He will either 
 take me to Himself, or give me means to serve Him. May 
 His Majesty grant, that what I have written here may be of 
 some advantage to your Reverence 1 1 have not written this 
 account without trouble, on account of the little leisure I 
 have had. But happy will this trouble be, if I have said 
 anything to the purpose* and if our Lord shall have received 
 
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 385 
 
 thereby only one act of praise; I should then consider my 
 labor fully repaid, even though your Reverence were to burn 
 all I have written immediately. I would not wish, however, 
 this to happen, till those three persons had seen it, whom 
 your Reverence knows, since they are and have been my 
 confessors ; for, if what I have written be bad, it is proper 
 they should lose the good opinion they have of me; and if 
 what I have said be good, they are holy and learned men, 
 and I know they will perceive whence it comes, and they will 
 praise Him who has spoken by my mouth. May His Majesty 
 always protect your Reverence, and make you so great a 
 saint, that you may with your spirit and zeal enlighten this 
 miserable creature, who has such little humility and so much 
 boldness, in having presumed to write about such high sub¬ 
 jects. God grant that I may not have fallen into any error, 
 for my desire and intention were to do my best, and to obey; 
 and also, that our Lord might receive some praise through 
 my means; and this is what I have begged of Him these 
 many years. But, since I have had no good works of my own 
 for this purpose, 1 have presumed to put in order this irregu¬ 
 lar life of mine, though without bestowing on it any more 
 attention or time than was necessary for writing it. Thus, 
 mentioning those things which have happened to me, I have 
 spoken with all the truth and plainness I was able. Since 
 our Lord is powerful, may He be pleased, (for if He will He 
 can), that in all things I may be able to do His will; and 
 not allow this soul to be lost, which His Majesty has been 
 pleased, by so many ways and means, and so often, to deliver 
 from hell, and to draw so near to Himself. Amen. 
 
 LAUS DEO. 
 
 33 
 
 FINIS. 
 
appendix. 
 
 No. I. 
 
 The following short historical notice of Sir Tobie Mathews, 
 is taken from the “ Catholic Miscellany ” for March 1825. 
 It is more circumstantial than the account given by 5 Dodd. 
 
 At the end is appended a catalogue of the works this illus¬ 
 trious convert published :— 
 
 SIR TOBIE MATHEWS, Knight. 
 
 This gentleman, who became equally eminent for his vir¬ 
 tues and for his polite acquirements, was the eldest son of 
 Doctor Tobie Mathews, Archbishop of York, and was born 
 at Oxford at the time his father was dean of Christchurch, in 
 
 At ™ e ear] y of eleven years, he was matricu¬ 
 lated a member of that house, and in the following year, 
 namely in 1590, he obtained a student’s place. His talents 
 tor oratory and disputation were of the first class, and he per- 
 mitted no opportunity of improvement to escape him, so that 
 after he had taken his degrees in arts, he was considered an 
 accomplished scholar. “ He was one of considerable learn- 
 rng, says A. \\ ood, “ good memory, and sharp wit, mixed 
 with a pleasant affability, and a seeming sweetness of mind.” 
 tic obtained a seat in parliament when very youn*r, and be- 
 came so favorite a speaker that his rapid preferment was 
 confidently anticipated. An earnest desire to visit Italy 
 which he had long indulged, prompted him, in his twentv- 
 seventh year, to request his parents’ permission to travel 
 abroad They were both shocked at his proposal, for they 
 loved him tenderly, and could not endure the thought of 
 
 887 
 
 * See Dodd, vol. iii., folio ed. 
 
388 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 being long separated from him; they also feared that his 
 intercourse with Roman Catholics might induce him to change 
 his religion. Perceiving the strong opposition which would 
 be raised to his plan, he appeared to submit to the wishes of 
 his parents, and only solicited their consent that he might 
 spend six months in France, until the parliament, of which 
 he was a member, should assemble: they reluctantly com¬ 
 plied with his request, but with the special condition that he 
 should visit neither Spain nor Italy. He readily gave his 
 promise that he would not,—although at the time he had no 
 intention of keeping it, if he could but once set his foct on 
 the contineat: in after-life he deeply regretted this deliberate 
 falsehood. Having thus obtained the consent of his parents, 
 he hurried off to France; and, determined to indulge his 
 inclination, he continued his route without intermission until 
 he arrived at Florence. After an absence of about six months, 
 his father discovered that he was in this town, and wrote to 
 him, but in terms of great affection, requesting him to return 
 to his own country after he should have taken a reasonable 
 * time to gratify his curiosity, and conjuring him, above all 
 things, to remain firm in the Protestant religion. Mr. 
 Mathews felt great pleasure on the perusal of his father’s 
 letter, for he now considered that he had his tacit consent to 
 prosecute his travels, and as he had no thoughts about chang¬ 
 ing his religion, the latter part of the letter gave him no un¬ 
 easiness. An incident of no seeming importance brought the 
 first serious thought to his mind. Happening one day to take 
 a walk into the country with Sir George Petre and Mr. Robert 
 Cansfield, two Catholic gentlemen, they entered a poor little 
 church on the road-side ,—they to offer up a short prayer 
 before the blessed sacrament, and he to satisfy his curiosity. 
 In a small and dark chapel behind the altar, they chanced 
 to discover a countryman bathed in tears and in fervent 
 prayer. One of the gentlemen, turning to Mr. Mathews, 
 said with a smile, “ That a man might have walked long 
 enough in England among the Protestants, especially in re¬ 
 tired country churches and on a working day in the afternoon, 
 before he could find a poor countryman so heartily praying 
 with so many tears.” As he well knew that there was much 
 truth in this observation, he felt hurt, and made the best 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 389 
 
 answer he could, but this circumstance made a deep impres¬ 
 sion upon him. Not long after, Mr. Partradge, an English 
 Protestant, who had just returned from Naples, gave him an 
 account of the liquefaction of St. Januarius’s blood, and 
 stated that he himself had been an eye-witness of the fact: 
 the same thing he heard from other gentlemen, who attributed 
 so extraordinary a circumstance to the power of the devil. 
 Mr. Mathews was perplexed, and knew not what opinion to 
 form of the matter. About this time he removed .to Sienna, 
 that he might avoid the company of the English, whose con¬ 
 versation he thought was an obstacle to his perfecting himself 
 in the Italian language. He afterwards visited Naples 
 himself, and having satisfied his curiosity, went to Rome, 
 with an intention of residing there for some time. Upon 
 his arrival in this city, he waited upon Father Parsons, as 
 he had a desire to see one of whom he had heard so 
 much ; besides, he thought it prudent to be upon terms 
 with a man who had been represented to him in England 
 as an intriguing, bad character, lest he might otherwise 
 do him some serious injury. The politeness with which 
 he was received surprised him, and he was induced to call 
 upon him a second time : an observation which the good 
 father casually made, concerning the pains and trouble that 
 men take for this world, and how little they do for the next, 
 struck him, and he could not help reflecting upon it. He 
 paid also, from motives of prudence, a visit to Cardinal Pi- 
 nelli, the grand inquisitor, who received him with much 
 kindness. The reception he met with made him frequently 
 reflect how differently he had been treated by these great 
 men, to what a Roman Catholic foreigner would have been 
 in England, even by a country justice of the peace. Amuse¬ 
 ment, however, and examining the curiosities wdth which 
 . * ^ ^ engrossed the w T hole of his time, and a 
 
 serious thought upon the affair of his salvation seldom or 
 never crossed his mind, until a short time before his return 
 to Florence. When at the request of Father Parsons, with 
 whom he was upon very friendly terras, he read Renolds’s 
 “ Reprehension” of Hr. Whitaker; this brought on several 
 conversations concerning religion, and Father Parsons soon 
 convinced him that he had formed very erroneous ideas upon 
 33 * 
 
390 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 that subject. The doctrine of purgatory did not in the least 
 accord with his system of belief; nevertheless, the father 
 brought so many proofs from the works of St. Augustine in 
 favor of this doctrine, that he was obliged to yield, and con¬ 
 sequently became in his belief neither Catholic nor Protest¬ 
 ant. In this state of mind he returned to Florence, and 
 again gave himself up to amusement, and to the study of the 
 Italian language. When Lent arrived, however, he took a 
 pleasure in hearing sermons ; some of which made so deep 
 an impression upon him, that he began to think seriously 
 with himself upon the affair of religion, and to examine into 
 the works of the fathers, St. Augustine, &c. His conversion 
 followed ; but before he could prevail upon himself to em¬ 
 brace the Catholic faith, he had to overcome many violent 
 temptations, and to set at defiance what appeared to be at 
 first view insurmountable obstacles. The grace of God, how¬ 
 ever, at length prevailed, and he applied to Father Lelio 
 Ptolomes, an Italian Jesuit, as he had been more particu¬ 
 larly affected by the sermons of this father. Some little 
 time was necessary to complete his instruction, after which 
 he was received into the church by the inquisitor. He then 
 entered into a spiritual exercise for ten days, and made a 
 general confession of his whole life to Father Ptolomes, who 
 advised him to frequent the Sacraments of penance and com¬ 
 munion every week, which he faithfully observed to the end 
 of his life. He had endeavored, even in Italy, to keep the 
 change of his religion from becoming publicly known, and 
 returning to France, he was still more secret upon this point. 
 He, however, knew that in England it w T ould be impossible 
 to prevent the emissaries of Secretary Cecil from making 
 the discovery; therefore upon his return to this country, 
 about six months after his conversion, he first took lodgings 
 near the Tower, and wrote to his old friend Sir Francis Ba¬ 
 con, a letter so worded that it might be with propriety shown 
 to the minister whose displeasure he principally feared. This 
 letter had the effect he desired ; Cecil was pleased with it, 
 and promised not to molest him. Mr. Mathews then ven¬ 
 tured into public, he changed his lodgings into Fleet-street, 
 and paid a visit to Sir Francis Bacon, to thank him for the 
 kind service he had rendered him with the secrctarv. After 
 
 V. . %, 
 
 \ 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 m 
 
 this he waited upon Dr. Bancroft, Archbishop of Canterbury, 
 who received him with some harshness, and appointed a time 
 to see him again, when he would confer with him upon the 
 subject of religion. Mr. Mathews had afterwards several 
 interviews with the archbishop, who giving way at last to 
 passion, when he could not prevail by argument, committed 
 him a close prisoner to the Fleet, where he was confined 
 during six months, and frequently treated with great severity. 
 In prison he was visited by many persons, several of whom 
 were his friends; but the greater number came to dispute 
 with him—among these were some friends of his father, who 
 hoped through their means to induce his son to return to the 
 Protestant faith; among others was Dr. Andrews, Bishop 
 of Chichester. When they discovered that he was immov¬ 
 able in his religious creed, they varied the attack, and pressed 
 him to take the oath of allegiance, which at that time was so 
 worded, that it could not be taken with a safe conscience; 
 but Mr. Mathews was proof against all their sophistry. 
 While he was thus confined, the plague began to rage with 
 great violence, he therefore petitioned to be removed from a 
 prison situated in the very centre of contagion, and offered 
 to find bail to any amount. Nevertheless, his petition was 
 disregarded. At last Sir Francis Bacon, who interested 
 himself by every means in his power to obtain his release 
 from confinement, so far succeeded that he obtained permis¬ 
 sion for him to visit him at his own house, attended by a 
 proper guard, and after a time his discharge was granted, 
 when he was allowed to remain during two months at the 
 house of a friend, under the care of a messenger, to settle 
 his affairs, and then the king gave him permission to travel 
 abroad. This was understood to be a peremptory command, 
 and he immediately obeyed ; twelve years, however, elapsed 
 before leave could be obtained for his return to England, for 
 which leave he was indebted to Mr. Villiers, who was after¬ 
 wards Duke of Buckingham, with whom he had contracted 
 a friendship in France. He had not long returned to his 
 native land, when the oath was again tendered to him : this 
 obliged him once more to pass over to the continent, where 
 he remained until the following year, when Lord Bristol sue* 
 ceeded in obtaining from the king an order for his uncondi- 
 
392 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 tional return in January, 1621. His majesty soon after 
 thought fit to take him into favor, and to send him to Spain 
 to his son the prince, who was in that kingdom upon a chiv¬ 
 alrous expedition relating to his projected marriage. Some 
 of Mr. Mathews’s letters are extant in print, which he wrote 
 while attending upon his royal highness, and they show that 
 he was a discreet negotiator and prudent councillor ; these 
 may be found in the M Cabala,” &c. Upon his return to 
 England, his reception at Court was very flattering: the 
 king, at the request of the prince, treated him with particu¬ 
 lar kindness, and on the 10th of October, 1623, bestowed 
 upon him the honor of knighthood; and his father, the 
 Archbishop of York, seeing how high he stood at court, ven¬ 
 tured to receive him publicly into his favor, and invited him 
 to his palace, where he continued to reside until that pre¬ 
 late’s death, which occurred in the year 1628. Sir Tobie 
 never after lost the favor of the court; he was particularly 
 esteemed by Thomas. Earl of Strafford, whom he accompa¬ 
 nied to Ireland in 1633, when that nobleman was appointed 
 lord-lieutenant. When the civil wars broke out, Sir Tobie, 
 being far advanced in years, retired from the world, and 
 ended his days among the Jesuits at Ghent, on the 13th of 
 October, 1655. He had previously taken priest’s orders, 
 but the time of his ordination is uncertain. For many years 
 of his life he had been an object of attack to the Puritans, 
 who sincerely hated him, and many of their writers abused 
 him without mercy, styling him a crafty politician, spy, &c. 
 He was the author of several works, and many of his letters 
 are to be met with in “ Scrinia Sacra,” and in the “ Cabala 
 he also collected together a small volume of letters, which 
 was published in 1660, to which his portrait was prefixed. 
 
 The titles of his works are the following: 
 
 1. A rich Cabinet of Precious Jewels. 
 
 2. A Collection of Letters to several Persons. London, 
 1660. 
 
 3. Several Letters in the “ Cabala,” 1654; also in the 
 “ Scrinia Sacra.” London, 1663. 
 
 4. The Benefit of washing the Head with cold Water 
 every Morning. 
 
 5. The History of the Times. (Not published.) 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 393 
 
 6. St. Augustine’s Confessions. Translated from the 
 Latin, 1624. 
 
 7. The Life of St. Teresa. Translated, 1623. 
 
 8. The Penitent Banditto. 1625, 1663. 
 
 9. Essays of Sir Francis Bacon. Translated into Italian. 
 
 Dodd gives this list, but I cannot be certain of its accu¬ 
 racy ; indeed the Rev. Mr. Tierney, in a kind letter lately 
 received from him, proves that Dodd has made two mistakes 
 respecting the dates of the publication of “ St. Augustine’s 
 Confessions” and the “Life of St. Teresa.” The former 
 was printed in 1620, not 1623; and the latter in 1642, at 
 Antwerp, under the title of the “Flaming Hart.” (J. 
 Dalton.) 
 
394 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 No. II. 
 
 The following notice of Mr. Woodhead is taken from the 
 * Catholic Miscellany,” January, 1825. 
 
 ABRAHAM WOODHEAD. 
 
 This gentleman, who was one of the most able contro- 
 vertists of his time, was born in the year 1608, at Meltham, 
 in the parish of Abbesbury, or, as it is generally called 
 Ambury, in Yorkshire. His father was John Woodhead, 
 of Thornhill, in the same county. At the age of sixteen 
 years, he was sent to Oxford, and was admitted into Uni¬ 
 versity College. His first tutor was John Ratcliff, and after 
 his death he was placed under the care of Thomas Ratcliff, 
 both of whom were fellows of the same house. He soon be¬ 
 came distinguished in the university as a logician, and as a 
 good philosopher. In 1632, or in the following year, he 
 took his degree of Master of Arts, and was afterwards 
 elected Freestone Scholar, then Walter Skirland’s Fellow, 
 and there is reason to suppose that he was also elected Free¬ 
 stone Fellow. The honor of pronouncing the Latin oration, 
 when the west side of the University College was built, was 
 conferred upon him at the time when he was a Walter Skir- 
 land’s Fellow, and the discourse which he then delivered is 
 still preserved in the college library. When he had finished 
 his course of divinity, and had taken orders according to the 
 rites of the Church of England, he was elected one of the 
 proctors of the university : this occurred in 1641. In the 
 following year, Mr. Woodhead was summoned to answer at 
 the bar of the House of Commons, various charges which 
 were brought against him in consequence of his courage in 
 opposing an overbearing faction, and of his attachment to 
 the privileges of that university, of which he had the honor 
 to be a member; for when the parliament attempted by 
 every means to gain it over to the republican party, and had 
 proposed a convocation in order to introduce the Solemn 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 395 
 
 League and Covenant, the firmness of Mr. Woodhead pre¬ 
 vented in a great measure the innovation; and at the bar he 
 made so able a defence, that he was dismissed without fur¬ 
 ther molestation, and returned to the university, where he 
 remained until the expiration of his proctorship, and then 
 procured the college license to travel with Messrs. Harlack- 
 enden and Culpepper, two of his own pupils, up m condition 
 that he should quit the care of these gentlemen, when Mr. 
 Radcliff, the son of Sir George Radcliff, should be sent over 
 to him; and probably this event soon occurred, for by the 
 college register it appears, that on the 22d of June, 1645, 
 he and Mr. Radcliff had both leave of absence for four terms. 
 About this time he began to entertain doubts with regard to 
 the truth of the Protestant faith, and felt some inclination 
 towards the Catholic religion : this was occasioned, as he 
 writes in one of his letters to his intimate friend Dr. Withy, 
 by reading the saints’ lives, and the learned and pious works 
 of the great St. Augustine, by way of index. “ To read the 
 Fathers,” says lie, “ would be the business of a man’s life ; 
 but in a quarter of a year, by consulting the heads and in¬ 
 dexes of the best Fathers about all controversial points, one 
 may be plentifully satisfied concerning their opinions, and 
 what way the Fathers incline.” He examined also and com¬ 
 pared Harding and Jewell; a book written by Dean Cressy 
 pleased him in part, although he disliked the strong and 
 severe expressions with which it abounded. The fame of the 
 virtues and extraordinary piety of St. Charles Borromeo, of 
 St. Philip Neri, St. Francis de Sales, of St. Teresa, and 
 other devout servants of God, had also reached Mr. Wood- 
 head, and he had been induced to commence an inquiry into 
 their lives, and into that religion which had taught them 
 such principles of sanctity, and this inquiry had in a great 
 measure dissipated his errors and prejudices. Still, however, 
 in an affair of such consequence, where the eternal salvation 
 of his soul was concerned, he thought it proper to proceed 
 with the utmost caution. Some years therefore elapsed be¬ 
 fore he declared himself a Catholic. It was about this time, 
 when he began to entertain doubts of the orthodoxy of the 
 Protestant faith, that Mr. Ailsbury, afterwards Sir Thomas 
 
396 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 Ailsbury, governor to the Duke of Buckingham, and his 
 brother Lord Francis, prevailed upon him to undertake the 
 instruction of these young nobleman in the mathematics, and 
 other liberal sciences. Mr. Woodhead spent some time on 
 the continent with his noble pupils, and when they returned 
 to England, apartments were provided for him at York- 
 house, and a handsome salary allowed him. But this was 
 of short duration, for at the unhappy defeat at Kingston, 
 which occurred in 1648, Lord Francis was killed, and the 
 duke was in danger of utter ruin. As he knew himself to 
 be particularly obnoxious to the republican party, he con¬ 
 cealed himself for a short time, until he was received into 
 the family of Lord Capel, with whom he resided at least 
 until the close of the year 1652. Doctor Fern, who became 
 after the Restoration Bishop of Chester, was during most 
 part of this time chaplain in the same family, and he and 
 Mr. Woodhead were in the constant habit of arguing upon 
 the controverted points in religion : the doctor was a stanch 
 Protestant, while the latter inclined towards the Catholic 
 side; and it is probable that these discussions finally com¬ 
 pleted his conversion, and induced him to quit Lord Capel, 
 and also to resign a pension of sixty pounds per annum 
 which had been settled upon him for life. He now retired 
 to the house of his friend Dr. Witby, who resided in the 
 city, where he had leisure and opportunity to examine the 
 best Protestant writers upon controversy, of consulting the 
 Fathers and Councils, and of more attentively perusing the 
 Holy Scriptures, and of examining with particular care those 
 passages which Protestants and sectarians generally cite in 
 support of their various innovations and novelties. After 
 some time, being desirous of secluding himself as much as 
 possible from the world, and of giving himself up entirely to 
 controversial reading, he united with a few select friends in 
 the purchase of a house and garden at Hoxton, where they 
 lived in common, uniting into one fund the wreck of their 
 property which had escaped the sanctimonious grasp of the 
 Puritanic faction, and devoting themselves to prayer and 
 study until 1660, the period of the Restoration, when the 
 king’s commissioners deputed to restore the banished mem- 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 397 
 
 bers of the university to their respective posts, called Mr. 
 Woodhead from his solitude to reinstate him in his fellowship. 
 “ He accepted of it again rather as a mark of justice due to 
 the cause for which he was deprived of it, than as a design 
 to retain it as a Protestant, and never communicated with the 
 Church of England , then or afterwards. He remained in 
 the college for a short time ; but finding residence there in¬ 
 consistent with his religious principles, which now were so 
 well known, that not long after one of the beadles accused 
 him of Popery to the vice-chancellor, he laid hold of the 
 occasion, and without any contestation generously chose to 
 retire to his dear solitude at Hoxton.”—< 44 Here he employed 
 his time in praying, meditating, and writing in defence of 
 his faith, and for the good of his neighbor, with some small 
 exercise to enable him to return to his labors with greater 
 alacrity. As to the interior perfections of his soul, and what 
 passed in the pious* moments of his retirement, it is only 
 known to the Searcher of hearts, for whom, and to whom 
 his life and labors were chiefly dedicated; with only some 
 select and pious associates joining in the same views, and 
 assisting him in his labors, that is, helping him to find places 
 in authors, collate his citations, or transcribe his learned 
 works and the like. For it was here, and that, too, without 
 any other assistance but what was just now mentioned, this 
 learned champion of the Church wrote those elaborate trea¬ 
 tises of controversy, particularly that of 4 Ancient Church 
 Government,’ in five parts ; 4 The Rational Account of the 
 Doctrine of Catholics, concerning an Ecclesiastical Guide in 
 Controversy,’—having in view two of the most learned 
 writers of the Protestant side, Archbishop Laud and Dr. 
 Stillingfleet.”— 44 In this retirement he perfected those last¬ 
 ing monuments of his pious soul; that is, his works of de¬ 
 votion, chiefly wrote in his latter days, in which we see, not¬ 
 withstanding his humility, how much his soul was elevated 
 towards God. This appears almost through every page of 
 that excellent treatise of the 4 Motives to Holy Living,’ by 
 way of heads for meditation, through which the spirit of the 
 Gospel and the most Christian virtues shine in the most de¬ 
 lightful colors ; as also in his tract of 4 Catholic Devotions 
 
 34 
 
398 
 
 APPENDIX.' 
 
 \ indicatedand in two large prefaces of his composing, 
 before ‘ St. Teresa’s Life 5 ’ and in one to his translation 
 of ‘ Gregory Lopez’s Life.’ The same spirit shows itself 
 in ‘The Life of Christ: that of the Benefits of our Sa¬ 
 viour.’ ” 
 
 But to return to the last scene of this holy man’s life ; 
 though his thoughts in this retirement were chiefly taken up 
 in the choice of the better part, still preparing and purifying 
 his soul the nigher he approached his end; nevertheless, as a 
 prudent economy and management is a moral virtue, he so 
 discreetly ordered his temporal concerns, and the little stock 
 God had blessed him with, as not only to secure a moderate 
 maintenance, agreeable to his choice, but something also to 
 be disposed of at his death, to such uses as he thought most 
 proper; leaving good part of what he had to the mainte¬ 
 nance of a school in the country; believing that learning 
 and a careful education were proper steps to attain the best 
 religion, since it was his own learning, next to God’s grace, 
 that brought him to the knowledge of the true church, of 
 which he died an humble and holy member, as well as a very 
 great sufferer for it.” The praiseworthy intentions, and 
 charitable bequests of Mr. Woodhead, were however frus¬ 
 trated by the storm which was raised against the whole body 
 of English Catholics, in consequence of “ Oates’s Plot,” and 
 had he lived but a very short time longer, it is probable that 
 his name also would have occurred in the list of victims of 
 persecution and perjury, which blots the annals of Charles 
 the Second’s reign. “ However, the providence of God 
 thought proper to take his faithful servant to himself, just 
 before these dismal times happened. He had run through a 
 great many trials before ; he had been prepared for the king¬ 
 dom of heaven by many tribulations; he had employed the 
 talents entrusted to him by his Divine Master to the best 
 advantage, having spent the chief part of his time from his 
 youth in improving himself in what he thought might be for 
 the good of his neighbor. And though the stream ran in a 
 wrong channel at first, he soon rectified its course, and made 
 amends for it, to the best of his power afterwards. We 
 don’t find he ever took any orders in the Catholic Church* 
 
 r 
 
Appendix. 
 
 399 
 
 though he had in the Church of England, but behaved as a 
 layman after his conversion. However, it is supposed he 
 thought celibacy to be the properest state for persons in holy 
 orders, not only as approaching nigher that of Christ his 
 Master, but as a state less distracted with family cares, and 
 worldly solicitude, allowing more leisure for the great duties 
 of their calling. But by all accounts of him, he lived with 
 an unblemished character, with respect to his morals and 
 chastity; all sides agree in his character as a Christian. He 
 was now drawing towards the end of his career, and pre¬ 
 paring his soul in a greater degree of sanctification and re¬ 
 signation to the will of his Creator, when that dreadful 
 storm of persecution against the professors of his ,religion 
 was just going to rise; but the goodness of God snatched 
 him from it, to place him in the tabernacles of the just; and 
 being seized with a fever, which proved his last, he rendered 
 his pious soul to God in a good old age, May 4tb, 1678, 
 aged 70.”—“ He was privately interred in the church-yard 
 of St. Pancras, near London, under an ordinary monument 
 raised altar-wise, built a little height with bricks, and 
 covered with a slab of blue marble, on .which was this hum¬ 
 ble inscription: ‘Elegi abjedus esse in domo Domini , Sr 
 mansi in solitudine , non queerens quod mihi utile , sed quod 
 mult is d ” 
 
 “ Afterwards, in the year 1732, the grave was opened, 
 and after digging about a foot from the surface of the earth, 
 a small but firm cemented arch was found, just sufficient to 
 encompass the coffin, which being quite laid open, the coffin 
 was found to be decayed, and the bones, bare of flesh, were 
 carefully gathered together, and preserved decently till a 
 new coffin was brought, wherein they were deposited ; and a 
 handsome marble monument was erected to his memory, and 
 to that of a young lady of great merit.” This lady was 
 “ the first and most beloved wife of Cuthbert Constable, of 
 Burton, Esq., Amatia, or Amcy, daughter of Lord Clifford ; 
 she died 25th July, 1731, aetat. 26. Her widower caused 
 her to be buried by Mr. Woodhead, and erected this new 
 monument jointly for her and also for that pious great man, 
 with the following epitaph : 
 
 . . ; ~ - - «- 
 
400 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 Hie jacet 
 
 Qui elegit abjectus esse in dorao Dei, 
 
 Et mansit in solitudine, 
 
 Non quaerens quod sibi esset utile, sed quod multis, 
 Abraham Wood head ; 
 
 Maximum Oollegii Universitatis Oxonii, ut & 
 totius saeculi ornamentum; 
 
 Vivumque virtutem omnium exemplar. 
 
 Yir 
 
 Versus Deum ardentissima pietate, 
 
 Versus Ecclesiam Cafcholicam humilisimo obsequio, 
 Studiorum indefessa assiduitate mirabilis, 
 Honoribus, divitiis, saeculiq; voluptatibus omnibus 
 Vitarn humilem, obscuram & laboriosam praetulit: 
 
 Neque Libris 
 
 Qnos per-multos & utilissimos & piissimos doctissimosque 
 
 edidit, 
 
 Nomen suum inscribi passus est. 
 
 Obiit fere septuagenarius Maii 4to, 
 
 Anno Dom. 1678. 
 
 P. V. 
 
 Cuthbertus Constable, &c. 
 
 “ On the same monument which covers both bodies, on 
 the opposite side to this epitaph of Mr. Woodhead, is in¬ 
 scribed on a like slab of fine white marble, an epitaph of 
 like length in memory of Mrs. Amey Constable, daughter 
 of Hugh Lord Clifford, of Chudleigh, in which is drawn 
 an admirable portraiture of her most amiable virtues. 
 
 “ Cuthbert Constable, Esq., died 25th March, 1757, and 
 was buried at Burton, near Hull, in Holderness.” 
 
 VVe are aware that many of the circumstances related in 
 this sketch of Mr. Woodhead’s life, do not accord with what 
 Mr. Wood has written in his “ Ath. Oxon.but we have 
 preferred the authority of Mr. Simon Berington, who wrote 
 his life at the request of Mr. Constable, and who has always 
 given his reasons when he has dissented from Mr. Wood; 
 we have had also the advantage of consulting some notes 
 written by the late esteemed, learned, and accurate Reve¬ 
 rend Alban Butler. In our next number, we intend to give 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 401 
 
 some account of the numerous works composed by the inde¬ 
 fatigable and pious subject of this memoir. 
 
 The writings of Mr. Woodhead are so numerous, and con¬ 
 tain such a fund of erudition, of solid piety, and of sound 
 argument, that they form a complete devotional and contro¬ 
 versial library, and have not only been highly commended 
 by many succeeding Catholic authors, but several learned 
 Protestant writers have borne testimony to their merit.— 
 66 His works,” says A. Wood, the Protestant Oxford histo¬ 
 rian, <£ show him to have been a person of sound and solid 
 judgment; well read in the Fathers, and in the polemical 
 writings of the most eminent and renowned defenders of the 
 Church of England.” The celebrated antiquary Hearne 
 writes in one of his letters: “ I always looked upon Mr. 
 Abraham Woodhead to be one of the greatest men that ever 
 this nation produced.” And one of his antagonists, Dr. 
 W'itby, allows, in his u Preface to his Appendix of Idolatry 
 and Host-worship,” that “ the author of the ‘Guide to Con¬ 
 troversy’ is a person most highly famed among the Roman 
 Catholics; and he is the most ingenious and solid writer of 
 the Roman party.” These gentlemen were all Protestants. 
 It will be unnecessary to quote more than one Catholic 
 writer. Mr. Simon Berington, in his brief account of the 
 writings and life of the author of <e Ancient Church Govern¬ 
 ment,” &c., has this passage : u But what is particularly to 
 be admired in Mr. Woodhead is, that in all his disputes with 
 his learned adversaries, one may say, the most learned the 
 Church of England ever had, he never exceeds the bounds 
 of modesty and fair language ; never using any personal, or 
 even party reflections; free from passion or invidious zeal, 
 he calmly, but with the more solidity, shows the weakness 
 of his adversaries’ cause, the strength of his own, and leads 
 them insensibly to the truth, by a certain force of reasoning 
 peculiar to himself.” He however admits, that “ his method 
 and style is wholly peculiar to himself; and indeed so very 
 uncommon, that if there can be any objection against them, 
 that is the cbiefest; nothing can be objected against his learn¬ 
 ing or judgment, and very few come up to it; his intermixing 
 so many paratheses and parentheses, runs through all his 
 . 34* 
 
402 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 works, and sometimes hinders the sense from being carried on 
 so smoothly as it might be otherwise, but makes fully amends 
 by the solidity of his judgment, and vast stock of learning; 
 he almost crowds in his paragraphs. This is another pecu¬ 
 liar mark of his writings, so that sometimes, by an over¬ 
 cautiousness, endeavoring to express his sentiments more 
 fully, and to leave nothing without reflection, he is a little 
 hard to be understood in some places. It is also customary 
 with him to refer the reader to what he had wrote in some 
 former treatises.” With these acknowledged peculiarities, 
 his works were nevertheless greatly esteemed by the late 
 learned and pious author of “ The Saints’ Lives,” who pos¬ 
 sessed many of his manuscripts. The following catalogue 
 of Mr. Woodhead’s writings, which we trust will prove more 
 correct than any hitherto published, has been formed in a 
 great measure from the manuscript notes of Mr. Cuthbert 
 Constable; like him, we have not attended to the exact 
 chronology of dates, but have in this respect followed Mr- 
 S. Berington. 
 
 While he resided at the university, he composed a book 
 of logic, another of philosophy, and one of the form and use 
 of a common place-book, besides some other tracts; none of 
 these were ever printed, and the manuscripts are lost. 
 
 When he was tutor to the Duke of Buckingham and his 
 brother, he wrote a paraphrase on St. Paul’s Epistles, to the 
 end of the Hebrews, in 222 pages, octavo, printed at Oxford, 
 1675 ; it was afterwards, in 1702, reprinted by Dr. Fell, at 
 London, in octavo, in 419 pages, and was perfectly con¬ 
 formable to the MS. as far as it went. 
 
 During the time he was with Lord Capel, he published his 
 “ Instructions for Oratory,” and a small tract « Of Perspec¬ 
 tive Glasses.” 
 
 After he had retired to Hoxton, the following numerous 
 list was the work of his indefatigable pen:— 
 
 “ An Historical Narration of tlie Life and Death of Christ,” 
 in two parts, printed at the Theatre, Oxford, 1685 ; many 
 exceptions were made in the university against this book, 
 particularly by Doctor George Reynall, of Caius College. 
 
 “ The Benefits of our Saviour.” Quarto, Oxford, 1680, 
 pp. 287. ’ 
 
403 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 * , ' 
 
 11 Ancient Church Government,” in five parts : the first 
 part is entitled, “ A Brief Account of Ancient Church Gov¬ 
 ernment, with Beflections on the several modern Writings 
 of the Presbyteriansit is also called the “ First Treatise 
 of the first Part of Ancient Church Government;” it con¬ 
 tains, first, the succession of the apostles to our Lord in his 
 pastoral office, and the primacy of St. Peter; secondly, the 
 succession of bishops to the apostles, their authority, and 
 the presbyters’ subordination to them; thirdly, the presby- 
 terian plea against bisbops ; and fourthly, the answer to this 
 plea; in one vol. quarto, London, 1685, pp. 267. 
 
 The second and third treatise of the third part of “ Ancient 
 Church Government,” consisting of 287 pages : the second 
 treatise treats of the indeficiency of the clergy, and of the 
 Evangelical doctrine delivered to them by the Lord; in 99 
 pages, quarto. In the third treatise is contained the subor¬ 
 dination of bishops, their several jurisdictions, and the pri¬ 
 mary and supreme authority of the Bishop of Rome, reflecting 
 on the writings of several learned Protestants—Bishop Bram- 
 hill, Doctor Field, Doctor Fern, Doctor Hammond, and others. 
 These two treatises are commonly bound together, making 
 287 pages quarto, printed at Oxford, 1688. These, with the 
 first treatise, make up all the first part of “ Church Govern¬ 
 ment,” in two distinct volumes. 
 
 . “ Church Government,” second part, showing the autho¬ 
 rity and subordinations of councils composed of united bodies 
 of the clergy ; a MS. in quarto, containing, if printed, about 
 200 pages. 
 
 i( Ancient Church Government,” * third part, concerning 
 heresy and schism, and who have anciently been accounted 
 such: London, 1736, quarto. This volume is now lying 
 before us, and from the back of the title-page we transcribe 
 the following note, which is in the handwriting of the learned 
 Alban Butler himself:—“ Mr. Constable, who died at Bur¬ 
 ton, his seat, at Holderness, near Hull, 25th of March, 1757, 
 employed in publishing this volume Mr. Simon Berington, 
 who died in 1758; was much dissatisfied with the style and 
 
 ♦This third part contains an accurate account of Mr. Woodhead’slife. 
 (See Dodd also, vol. iii., folio ed.) 
 
 « - . 
 
404 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 inaccuracies of the preface and author’s life; and on this 
 account, suppressed and destroyed the whole edition, except 
 three or four copies which were got abroad before they came 
 into his hands. This copy he kept for his own use, and cor¬ 
 rected it in the list of the author’s writings. Mr. Constable 
 was displeased to find that Mr. Berington endeavored to give 
 Mr. Woodhead the honor of being the author of the ‘ Whole 
 Duty of Man,’ and other works of the same hand, which Mr. 
 Constable could by no means be persuaded of, merely on 
 account of the difference of style, there occurring in the 
 4 Whole Duty of Man,’ and the other works of that author, 
 scarce any parentheses, with which all Mr. Woodhead’s works 
 abound. Nevertheless certain it is, that Doctor John Fell, 
 dean of Christ Church, afterwards bishop of Oxford, who pub¬ 
 lished the other works of the author of the ‘ Whole Duty of 
 Man,’ namely, the ‘Ladies’ Calling,’ the ‘Art of Contentment,’ 
 the ‘ Government of the Tongue,’ the ‘ Lively Oracles given 
 unto us,’ &c., in folio, at Oxford in 1675—1678 ; and wrote 
 the preface, which he prefixes to this edition, and who was the 
 only person then living who knew the true author of the ‘ Whole 
 Duty of Man,’ gave this book in London with the pieces of 
 Mr. Woodhead, and ordered Mr. Woodhead’s name to be 
 adiled to the title of this, as well as of the other works, 
 which he gave to be bound ; if Mr. Woodhead wrote that 
 celebrated work, it was before he travelled abroad, or had 
 any thoughts of embracing the Catholic faith.” 
 
 The fourth part of the “ Ancient Church Government,” is 
 a MS. in two vols., containing what former Councils have 
 been lawfully general and obliging ; and what have been the 
 doctrines of such councils-, obliging in relation to reformation. 
 In one of these vols. is to be found considerations upon the 
 Council of Trent. 
 
 The fifth part of the “ Ancient Church Government,” con¬ 
 cerning the Reformation, was published at Oxford, 1687, 
 quarto, and was answered by Doctor Smalridge, and also by 
 an anonvmous writer. 
 
 “ A Rational Account of the Doctrines of Catholics,” con¬ 
 cerning the ecclesiastical guide in controversy of religion, 
 reflecting on the writings of Protestants, particularly Areh- 
 bish. Laud, and Doctor Stillingfleet, on this subject, by R. H. 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 405 
 
 The second edition, 1673, quarto, consists of four discourses, 
 to which are commonly added explications concerning the 
 resolution of farith. 
 
 “ Doctor Stillingfleet’s Principles Considered.” Paris, 
 1671, a small octavo. Of this piece Dr. Seth ward, Bishop 
 of Salisbury, said it contained more reason than all Dr. Stil¬ 
 lingfleet’s volumes. 
 
 “ Of the Holy Eucharist,” in four parts, a thick quarto MS. 
 
 “ A Compendious Discourse on the Eucharist.” Dr. Adrick 
 wrote a reply to this, which Mr. Woodhead answered in an 
 appendix. 
 
 “ Two Discourses,” concerning the Black Rubric, and the 
 adoration of our Lord in the Holy Eucharist.. Ox. 1687, 
 quarto. 
 
 “ The Apocalypse Paraphrased,” a small quarto, without 
 a title. To which is added an extract from Bish. Montague’s 
 appeal concerning Mahomet. 
 
 “ Of Images and Idolatry.” Ox. 1689, pp. 82. 
 
 u Of Justification,” a MS. in quarto. 
 
 “ Roman - Doctrine of Penance and of Indulgences.” 1672, 
 small octavo ; and quarto in 1679. 
 
 “ Roman Devotions Vindicated.” 1672. 
 
 “ Luther’s Spirit, or the Original of the Reformation, and 
 of Celibacy.” Ox. 1687. The first part of this was answered 
 by Bish. Atterbury, and the second part by Mr. Tully, of 
 Queen’s Coll., Ox. in 1688. 
 
 “ Five Discourses of the Necessity of Faith, of Infallibility, 
 of Submission, of Judgment, Trial of Doctrines, Dangers of 
 Schism.” 1688, quarto. 
 
 u Of Invocation of Saints,” in four parts, a thick quarto 
 MS. 
 
 “ Of the State of the Dead,” in two parts, MS. 
 
 <c Of -Sacred Things,” a small quarto, MS. 
 
 <e Benefits of the Holy Ghost,” MS. 
 
 “ Of God’s Just Proceedings with Man fallen, and of the 
 actings of His Spirit with Man’s freewill,” MS. 
 
 “ Catholic Theses,” on several chief heads of controversy, 
 printed only to p. 101, the rest in MS. sufficient to make a 
 thick quarto; what is printed is without name of place or 
 year, 
 
406 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 Of “ Miracles,” MS. This, Mr. Nicholson says, was hia 
 last work, a small quarto, in 207 pages. 
 
 “ Short Confession of Faith,” MS. 
 
 “ St: Augustin’s Confession,” translated 1679, octavo. 
 
 “ St. Teresa’s Life and Way of Perfection,” translated, 
 with a long preface by himself. 
 
 “ Life of Gregory Lopez,” a translation. 
 
 “ The Life of Mons. De Renty,” from the French. 
 
 “ The Piety of Rome and Paris,” thin octavo. This was 
 answered by James Harrington, B.A., of C. C. Coll.; he was 
 afterwards a barrister of the Inner Temple. 
 
 “ Of Temporal Government;” this has been long since lost. 
 
 “A Discourse of the Necessity of Church Guides,” for 
 directing Christians in necessary faith, &c., by R. II., 1675. 
 
 “ The Greeks’ Opinion of the Eucharist,” misrepresented 
 by Mr. Claude, in his answer to Mr. Arnold, 1686, quarto. 
 
 “ Institutions of the Congregation of the Oratory, at St. 
 Mary’s in Vallocell,” by St. Philip Neri. Ox. duodecimo, 
 1687. 
 
 “ The Life of St. Philip Neri,” founder of the Congrega¬ 
 tion of the Oratory, translated from the Lati» copy of Johan¬ 
 nes Baccius, printed in 1656, in octavo. To which are added 
 certain pieces of St. Augustine, vindicating the continuance 
 of miracles. The miracles of Port Royal, &c. 
 
 “ The Scale of Perfection,” London, 1679, and other pious 
 devotions first published in 1494, by Walter Hilton, put into 
 modern English by Mr. Woodhead. 
 
 A small tract, u Of Measuring Figures,” MS. 
 
 “ Heads of Meditations,” in obscure characters, MS. 
 
 A treatise “ Concerning Prayer,” quarto. 
 
 “The Considerations on the Council of Trent,” being the 
 fifth discourse concerning the guide to controversies, by R. 
 H., 1671, and again, London, 1687. 
 
 Such are the works of Mr. A. Woodhead: works which 
 display such an extraordinary degree of profound learning, 
 of patient investigation, and of unaffected piety, with such 
 cool and dispassionate argument, that they justly stand pre¬ 
 eminent among the polemical writers of the seventeenth 
 century. 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 407 
 
 No. HI. 
 
 CANONIZATIO SANCTiE THERESLE VIRGINIS, 
 
 Tam Fratrum , quam Monialium Carmelitar^'m 
 Discalceatorum Fundatricis. 
 
 GREGORIUS EPISCOPUS, 
 
 Servu8 Servorum Dei. 
 
 AD PERPETUAM REI MEMORIAM. 
 
 Omnipotens Sermo Dei, cum de sinu Patris ad hsec infe- 
 riora descendisset, ut erueret nos de potestate tenebrarum, 
 completo dispensationis tempore, transiturus de hoc mundo 
 ad Patrem, ad propagan dam per to tarn terrarum orbem elec- 
 torum suorum Ecclesiam, quam sanguine suo acquisiverat, 
 eamque yerbo vitae erudiendam, ad confundendam sapien- 
 .tiam sapientium, et destruendam oinnem altitudinem, quae ad- 
 versus Deum extollebatur, non multos nobiles elegit, nec 
 multos sapientes, sed contemptibiles mundi; qui non in sub- 
 limitate sermonis, nec in humanae sapientae verbo, sed in 
 simplicitate et veritate ministerium swum, ad quod a diebus 
 aeternitatis praedestinati erant, adimplerent. 
 
 1. In sequentibus verd generationibus, cum juxta praeor- 
 dinata tempora, plebem suam per servos suos fideles visitare 
 dignatus est, plerumque parvulos et humiles assumpsit, per 
 quos Catholicae Ecclesiae ingentia praestaret beneficia; quibus 
 ipse, juxta verbum suum, abscondita a sapientibus et pru- 
 dentibus regrii coelestis mysteria revelaret, eosque superiorum 
 charismatum donis adeo illustraret, ut omnium virtutum ac 
 bonorum operum exemplis Ecclesiam foverent, ac signorum 
 gloria clarificarentin diebus vero nostris fecit salutem 
 magnam in manu feminae; suscitavit enim in Ecclesia sua, 
 veluti novam Debboram, Theresiam Yirginemj quae post- 
 
408 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 quain mirabili victoria carnem suam perpetua virginitate, 
 mundum admirabili humilitate, et cunctas adinventiones dia- 
 boli multis maximisque virtutibus superasset, excelsiora mo- 
 liens, et virtutem sexus animi magnitudine supergressa, ac- 
 cinxit fortitudine lumbos suos, et roboravit brachium suum, 
 et instruxit exercitus fortium; qui pro domo Dei Sabaoth, et 
 pro lege ejus, et pro mandatis ejus armis spiritualibus decer- 
 tarent, quam Dominus ad tantum opus peragendum abun- 
 danter implevit spiritu sapientiae et intellects, et thesauris 
 gratiae suae adeo illustravit, ut splendor ejus, tamquam Stella 
 in firmamento, fulgeat in domo Dei in perpetuas aeternitates. 
 
 2 . Dignum igitur et eongruum existimavimus, ut quam 
 Deus et Unigenitus Filius ejus Dominus noster Jesus 
 Christus, quasi sponsam ornatam corona, et decoratam moni- 
 libus suis, in gloria miraculorum plebi suae manifestare dig¬ 
 itus est, Nos quoque pro pastorali solicitudine nostra in 
 Universali Ecclesia, cui, licet meritis minime suffragantibus, 
 praesidemus; tanquam sanctam et electam Dei colendam et 
 venerandam, Apostolica auctoritate decreveriuius, ut omnes 
 populi confiteantur Domino in omnibus mirabilibus ejus, et 
 cognoscat omnis caro quoniam non defecerunt in diebus nos- 
 tris miserationes ejus j qui, quamvis peccatis nostris exist- 
 entibus, visitet nos in virga indignationis suae, non tameri 
 continet in ira sua misericordias suas; dum in afflictionibus 
 nostris novis nos praesidiis munit, et amicos suos multiplicat, 
 qui Ecclesiam suam meritorum, et intercessionum suffragiis 
 protegant ac defendant. 
 
 3. Atque, ut universi Christi fideles intelligant, quam 
 abunde in ancillam suam effuderit Deus de Spiritu suo, ac 
 propterea erga ipsam devotio in dies augeatur, insigniores 
 quasdam ejus virtutes, et aliqua ex magnalibus, quae in manu 
 ejus operatus est Dominus, his literis duximus inserenda. 
 
 JNata est Theresia Abulae in regno Castellae, anno Salutis 
 humanae millesimo quingentesimo quintodecimo, parentibus, 
 ut genere praeclaris, ita etiam vitae integritate conspicuis; 
 a quibus in timore Domini educata, admirandum futurae 
 sanctitatis in tenerrima adhuc aetate specimen dedit; nam 
 cum Martyrum Acta perlegeret, adeo Sancti Spiritus igne 
 cor ejus intra earn concaluit, ut cum fratre germano etiam 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 409 
 
 puero domo aufugeret, ut in Africam trajiceret, ubi sangui- 
 nem ac vitam pro testimonio Jesu Christi profunderet. Sed 
 occursu patrui revocata, cum optimam sortem sibi ereptam 
 esse, jugibus lacrymis deploraret, ardens martyrii desiderium 
 eleemosynis, aliisque operibus compensavit. 
 
 4. Sed cum ad vigesimum aetatis annum pervenisset, 
 Christo se totam despondit, et vocationem, qua ab eo vocata 
 erat, aggressa, ad moniales Sanctae Mariae de Monte Carmelo 
 ordinis Mitigati se contulit, ut plantata in domo Domini, in 
 atriis domus Dei nostri floreret: professione itaque in eo 
 Monasterio emissa, cum per duo et yiginti annos gravissimis 
 morbis, ac variis praeterea tentationibus vexata esset, nul- 
 lisque supernis consolationibus reficeretur, adeo invicte, ad- 
 juvante Domino, omnia pertulit, ut probatio fidei illius omni 
 pretiosior auro, quod per ignem probatur, inventa fuerit, in 
 laudem, et gloriam, et honorem, in revelationem Jesu Christi. 
 
 5. Et quoniam ad erigendum sublime Christianarum vir- 
 tutum aedificium, fidei fundamentum ponendum fuit, illud 
 adeo stabile ac inconcussum Theresia collocavit, ut juxta 
 verbum Domini, comparanda sit viro sapienti, qui aedificavit 
 domum suam supra petram; ea etenim firmitate Sacrosancta 
 Ecclesiae Sacramenta, caeteraque Catholicae religionis dog¬ 
 mata credebat et venerabatur, ut majorem, ut ipsa saepius 
 testificabatur, de qualibet re certitudinem habere non posset: 
 hac fidei lucerna illuminata, Domini nostri Jesu Christi cor¬ 
 pus in Sacratissima Eucharistia mentis oculis adeo clare in- 
 tuebatur, ut assereret, nihil esse quod invideret eorum beati- 
 tudini, qui corporeis oculis Dominum conspexisset, tantjum 
 autem vivae spei in Domino collocaveret, ut jugiter deplo¬ 
 raret quod tamdiu in praesenti mortali vita detineretur, quae 
 sibi impedimentum afferret, quo minus semper cum Domino 
 esset, nec raro dum in corde suo coelestis patriae gaudia re- 
 cogitabat, mente excedebat, et ad eorum fruitionem in carne 
 rapiebatur. 
 
 6 . Sed inter caeteras Theresiae virtutes, praecipue emicuit 
 dilectio Dei, quae adeo in corde ejus exarsit, ut Confessarii 
 ipsius Theresiae caritatem, tamquam non hominis sed cheru¬ 
 bim propriam, admirarentur et celebrarent, quam etiam 
 Dominus noster Jesus Christus multis visionibus ac revela- 
 
 35 
 
410 
 
 AP P ENDI X . 
 
 tionibus mirabiliter auxit: quandoque enim data dextera, 
 clavoque ostenso, illam in sponsam suam adoptavit, atque 
 his verbis alloqui dignatus est: “ Deinceps ut vera sponsa 
 nieuin zelabis honorem ; jam ipse sum totus tuus, et tu tota 
 mea.” Aliquando etiam Angelum vidit, ignito jaculo sibi 
 praecordia transverberantem, ex quibus ccelestibus donis 
 diviui amoris flamma in ejus corde adeo exaestualat, ut 
 maxime arduum votum a Deo edocta emiserit—efficiendi 
 semper quicquid perfectius esse, et ad majorem Dei gloriam 
 pertinere intelligeret. Quin etiam post mortem cuidam Mo- 
 niali per visum manifestavit, se non vi morbi, sed ex intole- 
 rabili divini amoris incendio vita excessisse. 
 
 7. Sed quam perpetua cbaritate proximum dilexit, nmltis 
 arguments manifestum fuit, sed prae.sertim ex ardenti desi- 
 derio quo animarum salutem desiderabat. Infidelium et 
 Haereticorum tenebras perpetuis lacrymia deflebat, ac pro 
 eorum illuminatione non solum juges ad Deum preces funde- 
 bat, sed et jejunia, flagellationes, ac alias carnis rtiacerationes 
 offerebat. Proposuit enim S. Virgo in corde suo, nullum 
 diem sine caritatis officio transigere: in quo etiam Deus ipsi 
 auxilium preestitit: nunquam enim ei defuit, ipso largiente, 
 exercendae caritatis occasio. 
 
 8 . Mirabiliter autem imitata est Dominum nostrum Jesum 
 Christum in delectione inimicorum : nam cum ingentes pate- 
 rentur persecutiones et adversitates, diligebat tarnen perse- 
 quentes, et orabat pro his qui oderant se. Quinimo, detri- 
 menta et offensiones quas perpetiebatur, amoris et caritatis 
 ipsi escam ministrabant, adeo ut viri graves dicere solerent; 
 qui amari a Theresia vellet, damno aut injuria ut earn affr- 
 ceret, oportere. 
 
 9. Vota vero, quae in professione religionis Deo voverat, 
 maxima cura ac diligentia reddidit, nec enim tantummodo 
 omnes exteriores actus Superiorum arbitrio maxima cum ha¬ 
 bilitate spiritus perticiebat: sed firmiter etiam in corde suo 
 constituit, eorum voluntati omnes etiam cogitationes suas 
 subjicere. Cujus etiam rei egregia exempla reliquit, nam 
 Dominum Jesum Christum sibi saepius apparentem, aliquando 
 
 (yonfessariis jussa, qui dolusam ab angelo tenebrarum sus- 
 picabantur, humiliter irrisit, sprevitque ) sed non sine niagno 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 411 
 
 tarn profundae obedientiae praemio. Quin etiam volumen, 
 quod in Cantica Canticorum insigni pietate refertum, scrip- 
 scrat, ut confessario obtemperaret flammis injecet. Dicere 
 auteui solebat, se in discernendis visionibus ac revelationibus 
 decipi posse: in obedientia vero superioribus prsestanda, 
 falli non posse. 
 
 10 . Paupertatem aded dilexit, utnon solum labore manuum 
 suarurn victum sibi compararet; sed si quam monialem vilio- 
 ribus indutam vestimentis conspexisset, illico sua cum illius 
 commutaret: ac si quando sibi necessaria deficerent, mirifice 
 laetaretur et exultaret, gratiasque Deo ageret, tamquam in- 
 signe aliquod consecuta beneficium. 
 
 11. Sed inter eaeteras ejus virtutes, quibus quasi sponsa a 
 Deo ornata, mirifice excelluit, integerrima effulsit castitas • 
 quam adeo eximie coluit, ut non solum propositum virginita- 
 tis servandae a pueritia conceptum, usque ad mortem per- 
 duxerit, sed omnis expertem maculae, angelicam in corpore et 
 corde servaverit puritatem. 
 
 12. Quas adeo insignes virtutes mirifica humilitate cordis 
 ornabat, cum etenim in dies divinis charismatibus anima ejus 
 impingeretur, saepius exclamabat ad Dominum, ut beneficiis 
 in earn suis terminum statueret; nec tarn cito ingentium 
 scelerum oblivisceretur. 
 
 13. Contumelias vero et irrisiones ardentissime sitiebat, ac 
 non solum bumanos honores, sed nosci quoque ab hominibus 
 abhorrebat. 
 
 14. Invictam autem hujus sanctae virginis patientiam ilia 
 vox attestatur, quae saepius ad Dominum exclamabat “ Domi- 
 ne, aut pati, aut mori!” 
 
 15. Praeter haec omnia divinae beneficientae munera, quibus 
 hanc dilectam suam, quasi pretiosis monilibus decoratam, 
 esse voluit, Omnipotens, aliis etiam gratiis et donis abunde 
 ipsam locupletavit: adimplevit eniin earn spiritu intelligentiae, 
 ut non solum bonorum operum in Ecclesia Dei exempla re- 
 linqueret, sed et illam ccelestis sapientae imbribus irrigaret, 
 editis de mystica theologia, aliisque etiam multa pietate 
 refertis libellis, ex quibus fidelium mentes uberrimos fruc- 
 tus percipiunt, et ad supernae patriae desiderium maxim$ 
 excitantur. 
 
412 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 V 
 
 16. Quibus coelestibus instructa ac illustrata muneribus, 
 opus aggressa est maximum quidem, et cuicumque difficilli- 
 mum, sed Ecclesiae Christi perquam utile ac commodum: 
 reformationem euim exorsa est ordinis Carmelitani, illud 
 quoque non solum in mulieribus, sed in viris egregie 
 praestitit. 
 
 17. iEdificatis non modo per universas Hispanias, sed et per 
 alias etiam Christiani orbis partes tam virorum, quam mulie- 
 rum monasteriis, sine pecunia, sine proventibus, de sola Dei 
 misericordia praesumens; nec modo omnibus humanis destituta 
 auxiliis, sed adversantibus plerumque ac contradicentibus 
 principibus et potestatibus saeculi: quae tamen, Domino opus 
 suum confirmante, radices miserunt, incrementum suscepe- 
 runt, et demum in domo Dei uberes proventus fructificarunt. 
 
 18. Tantas virtutes Theresiae, plurimis, dum adhuc in 
 humanis ageret, miraculis Deus illustravit; quorum nonnulla 
 praesentibus literis duximus inserenda. Cum in Conchensi 
 dioecesi maxima esset frumenti penuria, atque in monasterio 
 de Villa Nova de Zara vix tantuin farinae reperiretur, ut per 
 integrum mensem ad victum decern et octo monialium satis 
 esset; hujus sanctae virginis mentis et intercessione, Deus 
 omnipotens qui sperantes in se enutrit, earn adeo abundare 
 fecit, ut quamvis per sex menses ex ea affatim panes ad re- 
 fectionem ancillarum Dei fierent, numquam tamen usque ad 
 novas fruges diminueretur. Gravi erysipilate in vultu, ac 
 febri afflictabatur Anna a Trinitate, monialis conventus Me¬ 
 dina de Campo, cui Theresia primum blandita, deinde laesa 
 membra leviter attrectans, 4< Bono ammo,” inquit, « sis filia : 
 Deus, ut spero, te hoc modo liberabitstatimque febris, 
 omnisque morbus ab ea abscessit. Alberta, ejusdem monas- 
 terii priorissa, pleuritide ac febre, non absque vitae periculo, 
 laborab.it. At sancta virgo Theresia, tacto latere, quod 
 morbo urgebatur, earn sanam esse pronunciavit ac surgere 
 jussit; ilia perfecte sanata statim e lecto exiliit laudans 
 Deum. 
 
 19. x\dveniente demum tempore, quo pro tot laboribus pro 
 divino lionore exhaustis, ac tot bonis operibus in Ecclesiae 
 utilitatem perpetratis, coronam decoris de manu Dei esset 
 receptura, gravi morbo Albae decurabens, cum toto infirmi- 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 413 
 
 tatis tempore frequentes, ac plene admirabiles de divina cha- 
 ritate cum sororibus sermones habuisset, ssepius gratias Deo 
 agens, quod se Catliolicae Ecclesiae aggregasset, commendans, 
 tamquam praecipua bona, paupertatem, ac debitam praepositis 
 obedientiam ; accepto humillime ac cum coelesti prorsus cha- 
 ritate sacro peregrinationis suae viatico, ac extreiuae unctionis 
 sacramento, Christi crucifixi effigiem manu tenens, ad coeles- 
 tem Patriam evolavit. 
 
 20. Pluribus vero signis manifestavit Deus quam sublimem 
 gloriae gradum Therisiae elargitus in ccelis esset 3 multae 
 etenim moniales, religiosae, ac timentes Deum, viderunt de- 
 corem gloriae ejus. Alia etenim conspexit supra tectum 
 ecclesiae et in cboro, et super decumbentis cubiculum multi- 
 tudinem coelestium luminarium; alia Christum Dominum 
 magno coruscantem splendore, et ingenti angelorum frequen- 
 tia circumdatum, ejus lecto assistentem; alia plurimos albis 
 amictos vestibus ipsius cellam ingredientes, ac cubile circum- 
 fusos; quaedam etiam in ipso transitus momento candidam 
 columbam ex ipsius ore in coelum evolantem 3 alia, splendo- 
 rem, crystalli instar, fenestra egredientem vidit 3 quin etiam 
 quaedam arbor calce ac macerie obstructa, ac jamdudum arida, 
 quae cubiculo proxima erat, praeter omnem temporis et naturae 
 ratiouem, repente floribus onusta. In ipsa transitus hora 
 apparuit corpus exanime, specioissimum ac nulla ruga con- 
 tractum, ac miro decoratum candore apparuit, ac una cum 
 vestibus ac linteolis, quibus aegra usa erat, omnibus admiran- 
 tibus, mirifice spirans odorem. Multa etiam magnalia, quae 
 tneritis ancillae suae operatus est Deus, ipsius in paradisum 
 transitum exultabilem reddiderunt. Quaedam etiam monialis 
 dudum capitis et oculorum infirmitate laborans, apprehensa 
 mortuae virginis manu, ac capiti oculisque admota, statim 
 convaluit: altera item ejus osculatis pedibus, sensum odora- 
 tus amissum recuperavit, et corporaliter odorem unguento- 
 rura, quo sacrosanctum ejus corpus a Domino perfusum erat, 
 percepit 3 corpus ejus absque ullo prorsus medicamine ligneo 
 loculo inclusuin, alte efossa ad sepulturam humo, ac ingentibus 
 lapidibus et calce oppleta, scrobe sepultum est; sed e sepul- 
 chro ejus odor adeo ingens ac mirificus emanabat, ut decre- 
 tum fuerit, sacrum corpus exhumari 3 atque illud sane inte- 
 35* • 
 
414 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 grum, ac incorruptum, ac flexibile, ac si nuper tumulatum 
 fuisset, repertum fuit, odorato liquore circumfusum, quo pe- 
 ren niter usque in praesentem diem, Deo ancillae suce sancti- 
 tatem jugi miraculo attestante, desudat; quare aliis vestibus 
 indutum, novaque area inclusum, cum priora computruissent, 
 eodem loco conditum fuit. Lapsoque triennio, cum rursus 
 ipsius monumentum aperiretur, ut sacrum pignus Abulam 
 asportaretur - f ac deinceps frequenter jussu delegatorum 
 apostolicorum inviseretur, semper incorruptum, ac tractabile, 
 eodem liquore ac odore perfusum apparuit. 
 
 21. Sed et procedentibus temporibus, manifestavit Deus 
 hominibus gloriam suam, praestitis per intercessionem ancillae 
 suae frequentibus beneficiis his, qui se fideliter ejus precibus 
 commendassent: puer etenjm quidam quadriennio adeo con¬ 
 tractus ac detortus erat, ut nec pedibus insistere, nec cum 
 jaceret movere posset, eaque infirmitas, cum illi a nativitate 
 luisset, nullumque alferret doloris sensum, incurabilis prorsus 
 videbatur, cumque per novem dies ad cubiculum, quod vivens 
 Sancta \ irgo inhabitaverat allatus fuisset, sensit in se virtu- 
 tern venientem ; ac repente sanus, ac validus, ac suis pedibus 
 ambulans, stupentibus cunctis, coepit diffamare se a Matre 
 Theresia de Jcvsu perfectam sanitatem fuisse consequutum. 
 Sajvissimis doloribus per biennium cruciabatur Anna a Sancto 
 Michaele monialis, tribus chancris pectus ejus adeo alfligen- 
 tibus, ut non solum solemni expers esset, sed nec collum 
 flectere, nec brachia posset attollere; cumque particulam 
 reliquiarum Sanctae Theresiae super pectus apposuisset, et 
 toto cordis effectu se ejus patrocinio commendasset, non* 
 solum omnis evanuit plaga a corpore ejus, sed et alia etiam, 
 quam in corde diu habuerat, infirmitate libera, momento tem- 
 poris effecta. Adeo vexabatur Franciscus Perez, parochialis 
 ecclesiae rector a postemate, quod in os pectoris insederat ut 
 brachio etiam contracto, a celebratione sacrosancti missae 
 sacrificii per quinque menses impediretur, humanisque re- 
 midiis deficientibus, ad divina confugit, et ad montes Dei 
 elevans oculos, salutem consequutus est ejus partis sanita¬ 
 tem ; cumque deinde sepulchrum virginis visitasset, ejusque 
 brachium, quod Albae asservatur, proprio brachio, quod adhuc 
 contractum erat, admovisset; in eo etiam divinam virtutem 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 415 
 
 expertus est, restituta sibi perfecta valetudine. Joannes de 
 Leyna, magno gutturis morbo adeo affligebatur, nt omnis 
 respirationis via fere interclusa esset, jamque morti proximus 
 aniraam agebat, cum sudarium, quod Sancte Theresie fuerat, 
 ad morbi locum magna cum fiducia opposuit: somnoque 
 captus, ac paulo post experrectus, se meritis Beate Theresiae 
 curatum esse repente sanus exclamavit. 
 
 22. Cum igitur per universas jam gentes et nationes sanc- 
 titas Theresiae eelebraretur, et nomen ipsius ad Christi fideles 
 magno in honore esset, operante Domino per intercessionem 
 ejus tot mirabilia, quae etiam in dies una cum ipsius venera- 
 tione augebantur, fuerunt auctoritate apostolic a in multis 
 Hispaniae partibus formati processus, ac ad Sanctam Sedem 
 transmissi. 
 
 23. Et instanter agente clarae memoriae Philippo III., 
 Hispaniae Rege Catholico, negotio tarn in Sacra Rituum Con- 
 gregatione, quam in RoU diligenter discusso, Paulus Y. 
 predecessor noster indulsit, ut in ejus honorem, tamquam de 
 Beata Virgine divinum officium in to to fratrum Carmelitano- 
 rum ordine posset celebrari. Cumque idem Philippus Rex, 
 iterum apud predictum Paulum similiter predecessorem nos¬ 
 trum, pro canonizatione B. Virginis Theresie supplicasset, 
 idem Paulus iterum negotium commisit Cardinalibus Sancte 
 Rituum Congregationis, qui novos processus auctoritate apos- 
 tolica conficiendos decreverunt; atque ad id munus peragen- 
 dum, Bernardum Cardinalem de Royas Archiepiscopum To- 
 letanura, et Yenerabiles Fratres Episcopos Abulen et Sala- 
 mantin, eadem auctoritate deputarunt; qui cum diligenter 
 de mandato negotio perfuncti essent, omnia acta eidem Paulo 
 Y., predecessori nostri transmiserunt. 
 
 24. Qui, tribus apostolici palatii causarum auditoribus 
 Francisco Archiepiscopo Damasceno locum tenente, nunc 
 S. R. E. Cardinali; Joanni Baptiste Caccino Decano; et 
 Alphonso Manzanedo dedit. in mandatis, ut summa cum dili- 
 gentia dicta acta examinarent, et que eorum sententia esset, 
 ad ipsum referrent. Qui omnibus accurate, prout rei mag¬ 
 nitude postulabat, perpensis, eidem Paulo Y. predecessori 
 retulerunt, plene justificari vite sanctitatem ac miracula 
 Beate Yirginis Theresie, omniaque abunde constare, que 
 
416 
 
 appendix- 
 
 pro canonizatione ejusdem a sacr. canonibus requiruntur, 
 posseque ad ulteriora procedi. 
 
 25. Utque ea maturitate, quae rem tantam decebat, nego- 
 tium transigeretur, idem Paulus dilectis filiis nostris S. R. E. 
 Cardinalibus Sacris Ritibus praefectis ordinavit, ut praedictos 
 processus quam diligentissime rursus inspicerent, ac de tota 
 causa accurate cognoscerent. 
 
 26. Cum vero idem Paulus humanae peregrinationis viam 
 complevisset, nosque (nullis licet nostris meritis) sola divinm 
 gratiae dignatione ad Ecclesiae gubernacula vocati essemus, 
 ad augmentum divini honoris, et sanctae Ecclesiae utilitatem 
 pertinere arbitrati suinus, ut hujusmodi negotium promovere- 
 tur; plurimum etiam ad praesentium temporum calamitatem 
 levandam interesse existimavimus, si Christi fidelium devotio 
 erga sanctos et electos Dei, qui pro nobis in tantis necessi¬ 
 tates intercederent, augeretur, mandavimus itaque praedic- 
 tis Cardinalibus, ut quod illis a praedecessore nostro praedicto 
 fuerat injunctum quam-primum excquerentur. 
 
 27. Quod cum illi ea diligentia, qua decebat, perfecissent, 
 ac pro S. V irginis canonizatione omnes unanimiter censuis- 
 sent, venerabilis frater noster Franciscus Maria Epis. Por- 
 tuen. cardinalis 5. Monte, totius processus summam, ac suam 
 collegai unique sententiam coram nobis in Consistorio nostro 
 exposuit: quibus auditis, reliqui Cardinales, qui aderant ad 
 ulteriora fore procedendum coinmuni suffragio pronuntiarunt. 
 
 28. Igitur cum in publico Consistorio dilectus filius Joan¬ 
 nes Baptista Mellinus, Consistorialis Aulae nostrae advocatus, 
 pro ^ ejus canonizatione perorasset, ac nomine charissimi in 
 Christo filii nostri, Philippi, Hispaniarum Regis Catholici, 
 ut ad earn procedere dignaremur, humiliter supplicasset, nos 
 de tanta re venerabiles fratres nostros S. R. E. Cardinales, 
 et Episcopos in curia praesentes consultores esse respondi- 
 mus; atque interim Cardinales atque Episcopos praesentes 
 vehementer in visceribus Christi hortati sumus, ut orationi- 
 bus instantes, in jejuniis et eleemosynis animas suas coram 
 Deo nobiscum humiliantes, preces a Deo Patre luminum ex- 
 poscerent, ut ex alto super nos lucem suam, et veritatem 
 suam emitteret, quae nos ad voluntatem et beneplacitum ejus 
 cognoscendum et perficiendum deduceret. Itaque cum semi- 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 417 
 
 publico Consistorio, quod consequenter celebratum est, voca- 
 tis non modo Cardinalibus, sed patriarchis, arcliiepiscopis, et 
 episcopis in curia nostra existentibus, praesentibus etiam 
 nostris ac Sedis Apostolicae nostariis, ac sacri palatii apos- 
 tolici causarum, auditoribus, cum plura a nobis de eximia 
 sanctitate ancillae Dei, ac miraculorum frequentia et celebri- 
 tate, populorumque erga earn per universas Christianas na- 
 tiones devotione, commemorata fuissent, expositis etiam in- 
 stantiis, quae coram nobis non modo nomine maximorum 
 regum, sed etiam charissimi in Christo filii nostri Ferdinandi, 
 Romanorum Regis in imperatorem electi, aliorumque com- 
 plurium Christianorum principium fiebant omnes concorditer; 
 ac uno ore benedicentes Deum, amicos suos honorificantem, 
 Beatam Tberesiam canonizandam esse, atque inter sanctas 
 virgines adscribendam censuerunt, quorum omnium audito 
 consensu, intimo cordis affectu exultavimus in Domfno, et 
 jubilavimus in salutari ejus gratias agentes Deo, et Fiiio ejus 
 Domino nostro Jesu Christo, quod Ecclesiam misericorditer 
 respexisset, ac tanta gloria illustrare decrevisset; canoniza- 
 tionis itaque publicavimus diem, eosdemque fratres ac filios 
 nostros monuimus, ut in orationibus et eleemosynis perse- 
 verarent, ut in tanto opere exequendo splendor Domini Dei 
 nostri esset super nos, qui opus manuum nostrarum ad perfi- 
 ciendam ejus voluntatem dirigeret. Demum peractis omni¬ 
 bus, quae ex saer. Constitutionibus, ac Romanae Sanctae Ec- 
 clesiae consuetudine peragenda erant, hodie in Sacrosancta 
 Principis Apostolorurn Basilica, cum venerabilibus fratribus 
 nostris S. R. E. Cardinalibus, necnon patriarchis, archiepis- 
 copis, et episcopis, Romanaeque curiae praelatis, officialibus et 
 familiaribus nostris, clero saeculari et regulari, ac maxima 
 populi frequentia, convenimus, ubi repetitis pro canoniza- 
 tionis Decreto petitionibus nomine ejusdem charissimi in 
 Christo filii nostri Philippi Regis Catholici, a dilecto fiiio 
 nostro Ludovico Tit. Sanctae Mariae Transpontinae Cardinali 
 Ludovisio nuncupato, nostro secundum carnem nepote, per 
 Nicolaum Zambeccarium, Consistorialis Aulae nostrae advo- 
 catum praedictum; decantatis sacris precibus, et litaniis, ac 
 Spiritus Sancti gratia humiliter implorata: ad honorem 
 sanctae et individuae Trinitatis, et fidei Catholicae exaltatio- 
 
418 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 nem; auctoritate omnipotentis Dei Patris, efc Filii, et 
 Spiritus Sancti, BB. Apostoloruui, ac nostra, de venerabi- 
 liurn fratruui nostrorum Sanctae Romaum Ecclesim Cardina- 
 lium, patriarcharum, archiepis., episcop. in Roman a curia 
 praesentium consilio, ac unanimi consensu ; Theresiani Vir- 
 ginem de Abula, de cujus vitae sanctitate, fidei sinceritate, 
 et miraculorum excellentia plene constabat, et constat, ac 
 sane tarn esse definiinus, ac sanctarum virginum catalogo ad- 
 scribendam decrevimus, prout praesentium tenore definimus, 
 decernimus, et adscribiinus, illamque universos Christi fideles 
 tamquam vere sanctam honorare et venerari mandavimus, et 
 mandamus; statuentes, ut ab universali Ecclesia in ejus 
 honorem Ecclesae, et altaria in quibus sacrificia Deo offeran- 
 tur, aedificari et consecrari, et singulis omnibus die quinta 
 Octobris, quoad coelestem gloriaui translata est, ejus officium, 
 
 ut de Sancta Virgine ad praescriptum Romani Breviarii cele- 
 brari possit. 
 
 29. Eademque auctoritate omnibus Christo fidelibus vere 
 poenitentibus et confessis, qui annis singulis eodem festo die 
 ad sepulchrum, in quo corpus ejus requiescit, visitandum ac- 
 cesserint, unum annum et unam quadragenam; iis vero, qui 
 in ejusdem festi octava, quadraginta dies de injunctis eis, seu 
 quo modo libet debitis pcenitentiis misericorditer in Domino 
 relaxavimus, ac relaxamus. 
 
 30. ^ Postremb, gratiis Deo actis, quod Ecclesiam suam 
 insigni hoc, novoque luminari illustrare dignatus esset, de¬ 
 cantata in Sanctae Theresiae honorem solemni sanctarum vir¬ 
 ginum oratione, ad altare principis Apostolorum missam cele- 
 bravimus, cum ejusdem Sanctae Virginis commemoratione, 
 omnibusque Christi fidelibus tunc praesentibus plenariam om¬ 
 nium peccatorum suorum indulgentiam concessimus. 
 
 31. Decet igitur, ut pro tarn insigni beneficio omnes cum 
 omni humilitate benedicamus, et glorificemus eum, quern 
 decet omnis benedictio, et honor, et gloria, et potestas in 
 saecula saeculorum, assiduis precibus ab eo postulantes, ut 
 per intercessionem electee suae a peccatis nostris faciem suam 
 avertens, misereatur nostri, et respiciat nos, et ostendat no¬ 
 bis lucem misericordiarum suarum, et immittat timorem 
 suum super gentes, quae non cognoverunt eum, ut cognos- 
 cant, quia non est alius Deus, nisi Deus noster. 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 419 
 
 32. Caeterum, quia difficile foret, praesentes nostras literas 
 ad singula loca, ubi opus esset, deferri, volumus, ut earum 
 exemplis etiam impressis, manu publici notarii subscripts, et 
 sigillo alicujus personae in dignitate ecclesiastica constitutae 
 munitis, eadem ubique tides habeatur, quae ipsis praesentibus 
 adhiberetur, si essent exhibitae, vel ostensae. 
 
 33. Nulli ergo omnino hominum liceat hanc paginam nos- 
 trorum definitionis, decreti, adscriptionis, mandati, statuti, 
 relaxations, et voluntatis infringere, vel ei ausu temerario 
 contraire. Si quis autem hoc attentare praesumpserit, in- 
 dignationem omnipotentis Dei, ac beatorum Petri et Pauli 
 apostolorum ejus, se noverit incursurum. 
 
 Datum Romae, apud sanctum Petrum, anno Incarnationis 
 Dominicae millesimo sexcentesimo vigesimo primo, quarto Id. 
 Martii, pontificatus nostri anno secundo. 
 
 + Ego Gregorius, Catholicae Ecclesiae Episcopus. 
 
 — 
 
 —- 
 
 No. IV. 
 
 The following sublime Hymn is supposed to have been 
 composed by the Saint after receiving the B. Sacra¬ 
 ment. There is an old translation of it in French by Pere 
 Cyprian, but it will not bear any comparison with the trans¬ 
 lation of Monsieur De la Monnoye, which I subjoin, together 
 with the original Spanish. The hymn is called in Spanish 
 “ Glosa,” which is a species of Spanish poetry, so named, 
 because it is as it were an explanation (or gloss) of certain 
 verses called the Text, which are placed at the head of the 
 piece. The last verse of the text is repeated in every 
 stanza. 
 
 
 V. 
 
 
420 
 
 appendix. 
 
 TEXTO. 
 
 Vivo sin vivir en mi, 
 
 Y tan alta vida espero, 
 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
 QLOSA. 
 
 I. 
 
 Aquesta divina union 
 Del amor con que yo vivo 
 Haze a Dios ser mi cautivo, 
 Y libre mi caramon ; 
 
 Mas causa en mi tal passion 
 Yer a Dios mi prisonero, 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
 n. 
 
 Ay! que larga es esta vida! 
 Que duros estos destierros, 
 Esta carcel y estos hierros, 
 En que el alma esta metida! 
 Solo esperar la salida 
 Me causa un dolor tan fiero, 
 Que muero porque no muero* 
 
 III. 
 
 Ay! que vida tan amarga 
 Do no se goza el Senor! 
 
 Y si es dulce el amor, 
 
 No lo es la esperan^a larga: 
 Quite me Dios esta carga, ’ 
 Mas pesada que de azero; 
 
 Que muero porque no muero* 
 
 IV. 
 
 Solo con la confian^a 
 Vivo de que he de rnorir, 
 Porque muriendo el vivir 
 Me asegura mi esperan^a. 
 Muerte do el vivir se alcanna. 
 No te tardes, que te espero; 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
APPENDIX. 421 
 
 TEXTE. 
 
 Je vis, mais c’est en Dieu qui vient de me nourrir, 
 
 Et j’attends dans le Ciel une si belle vie, 
 
 Que, pour contenter mon envie, 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourn:. 
 
 GLOSE. 
 
 I. 
 
 Dieu s’unissant & moi par un heureux melange. 
 
 Fait sentir a mon coeur son amour pur et vif. 
 
 Je suis libre, il est mon captif, 
 
 C’est lui qui sous mes lois de lui-meme se range. 
 
 Quoi, mons Dieu, mon captif! Ah! le puis-je souffrir ? 
 
 Dans ce renversement etrange, 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir. 
 
 II. 
 
 Oh! qu’il me reste encore une longue carriere! 
 
 Que cet exil est dur qui m’arrete en ces lieux! 
 
 Que le sejour est ennuyeux, 
 
 Qui retient dans les fers mon a me prisonniere, 
 
 Attendant que la mort vienne.me secourir! 
 
 Mais ignorant l’heure derniere, 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir, 
 
 m. 
 
 La vie est a mon gout d’une amertume extreme; 
 
 Est-ce vivre, Seigneur, que de vivre sans vous % 
 
 Si l’amour que je sens est doux, 
 
 Le terme de l’attente, helas ! n’est pas de meme. 
 
 Ce faix rude et pesant m’empeche de courir, 
 
 Et toujours loin de ce que j’aime, 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir . 
 
 IY. 
 
 Je fonde sur la morte toute mon esperance. 
 
 L’arret qui iimita le compte de nos jours, 
 
 Sitot qu’il en tranche le cours, 
 
 D’un meilleur avenir nous donne Passurance. 
 
 Mort, dont le coup propice exempte de pcrir, 
 
 Hate-toi pour ma delivrance. 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoix mourir • 
 
422 
 
 APP ENDIX. 
 
 V. 
 
 Mira que el amor es fuerte *, 
 Vida, no me seas molesta, 
 Mira, que solo te resta, 
 
 Para gozarte, perderte. 
 Venga ya la dulce muerte, 
 Venga el morir muy ligero 5 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
 vr. 
 
 Aquella vida de arriba, 
 
 Es la vida verdadera; 
 
 Hasta aqui esta vida muera 
 No se goza estando viva. 
 Muerte, no me seas esquiva j 
 Vivo muriendo primero, 
 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
 vn. 
 
 Viva que puedo yo darle 
 A mi Dios que vive en mi, 
 
 Sino es perderte a ti, 
 
 Para mejor a el gozarle ? 
 
 Quiero muriendo alcan 9 arle, 
 Pues a el solo es el que quiero j 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Estanda ausente de ti, 
 
 Que vida puedo tener 
 Sino muerte padecer 
 La mayor que nunca vi I 
 Lastima tengo de mi, 
 
 Por ser mi mal tan entero, 
 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
 ix. 
 
 El pez que del agua sale 
 Aun de alivio no carece j 
 Aquien la muerte padece, 
 
 A1 fin la muerte le valfe. 
 
 S . s 
 
Appendix. 
 
 423 
 
 v. 
 
 Fol amour des mortels, trop dangereuse vie, 
 
 Un autre amour plus noble et plus puissant que toi, 
 Arme de courage et de foi, 
 
 Your inieux me faire vivre, a mourir me convie j 
 Ta perte est le salut ou je dois recourir; 
 
 Que ne m’es-tu bientot ravie! 
 
 Je me ineurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir. 
 
 VI. 
 
 La vie babite au Ciel, heureux qui l’y peut suivre; 
 Faisons pour la trouver un genereux effort; 
 
 Ici la vie est une mort, 
 
 Dont la mort cependant a la fin nous delivre j 
 Approche, douce mort, qu’on ne peut trop cberir: 
 
 Dans l’ardeur de mourir pour vivre, 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir. 
 
 VII. 
 
 m 
 
 Vie humaine, tresor qu’a tout autre on prefere, 
 
 Si mon Dieu vit en moi, si je vis en mon Dieu,. 
 
 Craindrai-je de te dire adieu ? 
 
 Et la mort a ce prix me sera-t-elle amere ? 
 
 C’est un bien qu’elle seule a droit de m’acquerir; 
 
 Pourquoi faut-il qu’elle differe ? 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Absente de mon Dieu, je languis triste et sombre, 
 Qu’est-ce que je puis voir ou je ne le vois pas! 
 
 Ma vie est un affreux trepas : 
 
 Mon jour est une nuit et ma lumiere une ombre j 
 La source de mes maux sans lui nc pent tarir: 
 
 Lasse d’en voir croitre le nou.brc, 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir. 
 
 IX. 
 
 Le poisson, qui se meurf sorii du sein de l’onde, 
 Trouve au moins dans sa mort la fin de son tourment, 
 Mourir est un contentement 
 A qui traine une vie en supplices feconde. 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 424 
 
 Que muerte avra que se yguale 
 A mi vivir lastimero ? 
 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
 x. 
 
 Quando me empie$o en aliviar, 
 Viendo en el Sacramento, 
 
 Me haze mas sentimiento 
 El no poderte gozar. 
 
 Todo es para mas penar, 
 
 Por no verte como quiero; 
 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
 XI. 
 
 Quando me gozo, Senor, 
 
 Con esperan^a de verte, 
 
 Viendo que puedo perderte, 
 
 Se me dobla mi dolor; 
 
 Viviendo en tanto pavor, 
 
 Y esperando como espero : 
 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
 XII. 
 
 Sacame de aquesta muerte, 
 
 Mi Dios, y dame la vida; 
 
 No me tengas impedida 
 En este lazo tan fuerte, 
 
 Mira que muero por verte, 
 
 Y vivir sin ti no puedo, 
 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 Llorare mi muerte ya 
 
 Y lamentare mi vida, 
 
 En tanto que detenida 
 Por mis pecados esta. 
 
 0 mi Dios, quando sera, 
 
 Quando yo diga de v$ra: 
 
 Que muero porque no muero. 
 
Trop sure qtie le temps ne sert qu’a les aigrir, 
 
 Vive ensemble et morte en ce monde, 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir. 
 
 x. 
 
 En vain pour soulager les transports de mon ame, 
 
 Je vous cherche, Seigneur, sur vos saeres autels; 
 
 Invisible aux yeux des mortels, 
 
 Vous suspendez ma joie, et redoublez ma flamme. 
 
 Ce n’est qu’apres la mort qu’on peut vous deeouvrir. 
 
 Viens done, 6 mort que je reclame! 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir ! 
 
 XI. 
 
 Vous le savez, mon Dieu, lorsque je vous possede, 
 
 A peine, puis-je, helas ! un moment vous garder, 
 
 Qu’au plaisir de vous posseder 
 La crainte de vous perdre aussitot ne succede. 
 
 II n’est que le trepas qui m’en puisse guerir. 
 
 Mourons, e’est l’unique remede. 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir ! 
 
 „ * t 
 
 XII. 
 
 Mettez fin, mon Sauveur, a ma longue agonie; 
 
 Sans vous je ne puis vivre, et je meurs pour vous voir; 
 
 Ne retardez plus mon espoir, 
 
 Rompez, brisez les fers d’une ame agsez punie. 
 
 II est temps qu’a mes cris le Ciel se laisse ouvrir. 
 
 Brulant de m’y voir reunie, 
 
 Je me meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir ! 
 
 xm. 
 
 Mais non, je dois, Seigneur, pour apaiser votre ire, 
 
 Le ma vivante mort prolonger les douleurs. 
 
 Je dois, les yeux baignes de pleurs, 
 
 Expier mes forfaits par un juste martyre. 
 
 Ah ! quand si vivement pourrai-je m’attendrir, 
 
 Qu’il soit enfin vrai de vous dire : 
 
 Je mt meurs de regret de ne pouvoir mourir ! 
 
 De La Monnoye. 
 
 36* 
 
426 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 No. V. 
 
 CANTICLE OF ST. TERESA AFTER COMMUNION. 
 Translated by the Rev. Father Caswall. 
 
 VIVO 8IN VIVIB BN MI. 
 
 TEXT. 
 
 I live, but from myself am far away 5 
 And hope to reaoh a life so high, 
 
 That I m forever dying because I do not die! 
 
 GLOSS. 
 
 i. 
 
 This union of divinest love, 
 
 By which I live a life above. 
 Setting my heart at liberty, 
 
 My God to me enchains; 
 
 But then to see His Majesty 
 In such a base capitivity! 
 
 It so my spirit pains, 
 
 That evermore I weep and sigh, 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 II. 
 
 Ah! what a length does life appear! 
 How hard to bear this exile here! 
 How hard from weary day to day 
 To pine without relief! 
 
 The yearning hope to break away 
 From this my prison-house of clay, 
 Inspires so sharp a grief, 
 
 That overcome I weep and sigh, 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 427 
 
 III. 
 
 Oh! what a bitter life is this. 
 Deprived of G-od its only bliss! 
 
 And what though love delicious be. 
 Not so is hope deferr’d. 
 
 Ah ! then, dear Lord! in charity, 
 This iron weight of misery 
 From my poor soul ungird; 
 
 For evermore I weep and sigh, 
 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 IV. 
 
 This only gives me life and strength, 
 To know that die I must at length ; 
 For hope insures me bliss divine, 
 Through death, and death alone. 
 
 0 Death ! for thee, for thee I pine! 
 Sweet Death ! of life the origin! 
 
 Ah, wing thee hither soon ; 
 
 For evermore I weep and sigh, 
 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 v. 
 
 And thou, fond Life, oh ! vex me not, 
 By still prolonging here my lot; 
 
 But know that love is urging me; 
 
 Know that the only way 
 To gain thee, is—by losing thee! 
 Come then, 0 Death! come speedily. 
 And end thy long delay; 
 
 For evermore I weep and sigh, 
 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 VI. 
 
 The life above, the life on high. 
 Alone is life in verity; 
 
 Nor can we life at all enjoy, 
 Till this poor life is o’er; 
 
428 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 Then, 0 sweet Death! no longer fly 
 From me, who, ere my time to die, 
 Am dying evermore; 
 
 For evermore I weep and sigh, 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 VII. 
 
 To Him who deigns in me to live. 
 What better gift have I to give, 
 
 O my poor earthly life! than thee ? 
 
 Too glad of thy decay ; 
 
 So but I may the sooner see 
 That face of sweetest Majesty, 
 
 For which I pine away; 
 
 While evermore I weep and sigh. 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Absent from Thee, my Saviour dear! 
 I call not life this living here; 
 
 But a long dying agony, 
 
 The sharpest I have known; 
 
 And I myself, myself to see 
 In such a rack of misery, 
 
 For very pity moan; 
 
 And ever, ever weep and sigh, 
 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 IX. 
 
 The fish that from the brook is ta’en 
 Soon finds an end of all its pain 
 And agonies the worst to bear * 
 
 Are soonest spent and o’er; 
 
 But what acutest death can e’er 
 With this my painful life compare 
 In torture evermore ? 
 
 While evermore I weep and sigh, 
 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 * 
 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 429 
 
 X. 
 
 When m the Sacred Host I see, 
 
 My God ! thy hidden Majesty, 
 
 And peace is soothing my sad hearts" 
 Then comes redoubled pain, 
 
 To think, that here from Thee apart^ 
 
 I cannot see Thee as Thou art, 
 
 But gaze and gaze in vain; 
 
 While evermore I weep and sigh, 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 When with the hope I comfort me, 
 
 At least iu Heav’n of seeing Thee, 
 
 The thought that I may lose Thee yet, 
 With anguish thrills me through; 
 And by a thousand fears beset, 
 
 My very hope inspires regret, 
 
 And multiplies my woe ; 
 
 While evermore I weep and sigh, 
 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 XII. 
 
 Ah, Lord ! my light and living breath ) 
 Take me, oh take me from this death! 
 And burst the bars that sever me 
 From my true life above; 
 
 Think how I die thy face to see, 
 
 And cannot live away from Thee, 
 
 0 my eternal Love ! 
 
 And ever, ever weep and sigh, 
 
 Dying because I do not die. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 I weary of this endless strife; 
 
 I weary of this dying life ;— 
 
 This living death—this heavy chain j— 
 This torment of delay, 
 
 
 
430 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 
 In which her sins my soul detain ; 
 
 Ah ! when shall it be miue ? Ah ! when, 
 With my last breath to say, 
 
 “No more I weep—no more I sigh j 
 - I’m dying of desire to die ?” 
 
 No. VF. 
 
 To the Reverend Father Pedro Ibanez. 
 
 Jesus and Mary. 
 
 The Holy Ghost be always with your Reverence! Amen. 
 
 It would not be amiss to exaggerate to your Reverence 
 this service of mine, in order to oblige you the more to take 
 particular care to recommend me to God. And this I could 
 do well, seeing it has cost me so dear to see myself in writ- 
 ing, and thus to have brought to my remembrance so many 
 of my miseries, though I can say with truth that I have 
 experienced more reluctance in mentioning the favors our 
 Ijord has shown^ me, than the offences I have committed 
 against His divine majesty. I have done what your Reve¬ 
 rence has commanded me—to enter into more particulars • 
 but upon this condition, that your Reverence also will per¬ 
 form what you promised me—to tear up whatever you do not 
 approve of. I had not finished the perusal of it, after 1 had 
 written it, when your Reverence sent for it-’ hence it is very 
 likely that some things are not mentioned as they should be, 
 and other things I may have repeated twice; for the time I 
 had was so short, that I could not review what I had writ¬ 
 ten. I beseech your Reverence to correct it, and to com¬ 
 mand it to be transcribed—if it must be sent to Father 
 Avila, otherwise some one may know the hand. 
 
 I aui very desirous such arrangements may be made—that 
 he may see what I have written, since I began to write the 
 account of my life with this intention. If he shall judge 
 that I am going on in a good way, there will be no more to 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 431 
 
 l&e done on my p^rt. Your Reverence must act in every¬ 
 thing as you think proper: consider that you are bound to 
 one, who trusts her soul in your hands in so confidential a 
 manner. Your soul I will recommend to our Lord all the 
 days of my life, and therefore make haste to serve Grod, that 
 you may be able to obtain a favor for me from Him. Your 
 Reverence will easily see (by what is now sent to you) how 
 well you are employed in giving yourself wholly to Him (as 
 your Reverence has already begun to do so) who gives Him¬ 
 self to us without any reserve at all. May He be blessed 
 forever! for I hope, in His mercy, that both your Reverence 
 and myself may see ourselves one day in that place—where 
 we shall understand more clearly the great mercies He has 
 been pleased to show us both, and where we shall praise 
 Him for all eternity. Amen. 
 
 Your Reverence’s unworthy Servant, 
 
 TERESA DE JESU. 
 
 N. B.—The saint began to write her life at Avila, in 1561; 
 she completed it at Toledo the following year. By the com¬ 
 mand of her confessor she soon after divided it into chap¬ 
 ters, and added “ The History of the Foundation of St. 
 Joseph’s Convent at Avila.”—(See the " Bollandists,” Oct. 
 15, p. 447, &c.) 
 
 % 
 
 FINIS. 
 
\