, 3 ^ 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 in 2015 
 
 https://archive.org/detaiis/sidetaikswithgirOOmaii 
 

SIDE TALKS WITH 
 GIRLS 
 
 BY 
 
 RUTH ASHMORE f 
 
 CP I'tiTisUT 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS 
 1903 
 
Copyright, 1895, by 
 
 CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS 
 
 TROW DIRECTORY 
 
 printing and bookbinding company 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 45151 
 
TO 
 
 THE AMERICAN GIRL 
 
 WHEREVER SHE MAY BE I DEDICATE THIS BOOK 
 I RESPECT HER INDEPENDENCE, I HONOR HER GOODNESS, 
 AND I LOVE HER SWEETNESS 
 SHE MAKES THE MOST CHARMING OF FRIENDS, 
 
 THE BEST OF WIVES, AND THE TRUEST OF MOTHERS 
 THESE THREE POSITIONS IN LIFE WILL, 
 
 I HOPE, REPRESENT HER FUTURE 
 
 RUTH ASHMORE 
 
PREFACE 
 
 A SIDE talk with girls means a word here and 
 there about things that are interesting — a little 
 discussion of this or that which provokes a question. 
 
 Our girls are going to be the wives and mothers 
 of the future ; they are going to make homes in 
 which they should know how to rule royally. 
 
 Now a royal rule is one that strengthens the 
 weak, has sympathy for the sick, knows how to be 
 glad with the merry, and marks with the white 
 stone of a good deed every day in the year. 
 
 You and I like to sit down before the bright fire 
 at night and gossip about the doings of the day ; 
 compare notes about what looked pretty in the 
 shop windows ; agree or disagree about a book or 
 a ribbon, think out schemes of economy, measure 
 out the money in the purse, so that it will allow 
 for a pleasure, and talk over those little points of 
 
vi 
 
 Preface 
 
 etiquette that oil the wheels of society and make 
 them run more smoothly. And this we did. 
 
 As the circle grew there came in another and 
 another girl ; the chat increased, a question was 
 asked, each was ready to laugh and be merry. A 
 day came when grief reigned and you were glad 
 for a word of sympathy — a word perhaps not 
 voiced, but told by a grasp of the hand, and yovi 
 learned through the telegraph of hearts that there 
 was a feeling of sorrow for every tear you shed 
 and for every moan you made. But the sorrow 
 only made the pleasant times brighter, for, dear 
 girls, in life, as in a picture, the dark lines arc 
 necessary to bring out and emphasize those that 
 are light. So the side talks came about between 
 my girls and me. 
 
 Do you care to be one in the circle ? A side 
 talk is not of necessity a talk all on one side, and 
 what you think, what you wonder, and what your 
 ideas are will result from the giving of mine to 
 you. 
 
 Ruth Ashmore. 
 
 August 30, 1895. 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 7 . 
 
 The Average Girl, 
 
 . / 
 
 II. 
 
 The Social Life of a Girl, . 
 
 . 2 
 
 III. 
 
 Girl Life in New York City, 
 
 • 3 
 
 IV. 
 
 The Country Girl, 
 
 • 3^ 
 
 V. 
 
 Her Letter and My Answer, 
 
 • 47 
 
 VI. 
 
 Quiet Walks for Girls, 
 
 . 6o 
 
 VII. 
 
 A Girls Religious Life, 
 
 • 71 
 
 VIII. 
 
 The Small Faults of Girls, 
 
 . 84 
 
 IX. 
 
 What Shall a Girl Read? . 
 
 • 95 
 
 X. 
 
 The Girl who Uses Slang, . 
 
 . 107 
 
 XI. 
 
 Your Own Familiar Friend, 
 
 . I IQ 
 
 XII. 
 
 The Elder Sister in the Home, . 
 
 . I JO 
 
 XIII. 
 
 The Restlessness of the Age, 
 
 . 142 
 
 XIV. 
 
 The Girl who Goes A-visiting, . 
 
 • ^53 
 
Contents 
 
 viii 
 
 PAGE 
 
 XV. 
 
 The Art of Travelling Easily , . 
 
 . 164 
 
 XVI. 
 
 The Mother of My Girl^ 
 
 • m 
 
 XVII. 
 
 My Sweetheart and /, 
 
 . 186 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 The Mantle of Charity, 
 
 . 197 
 
 XIX. 
 
 The Physical Life of a Girl, 
 
 . 208 
 
 XX. 
 
 A Stranger in a Strange Land, 
 
 . 2 IQ 
 
 XXL 
 
 The Young Wife s First Year, . 
 
 . 230 
 
 XXII. 
 
 The Young Husband's First Year^ 
 
 . 241 
 
THE AVERAGE GIRL 
 
 3HE girl who is sitting near you or me, 
 working with an immense amount of 
 industry on a dainty tea-cloth, and 
 putting a great deal of energy in the 
 pushing in of her needle by the little gold thimble, 
 which, she will tell you with a smile, the favored 
 man gave her at Christmas, is the average girl.’^ 
 In years she is between eighteen and twenty-four ; 
 she is whole-hearted, happy, generous, pretty and 
 pleasant to look upon, and very anxious to do 
 what is right. She lives in a small country town, 
 or maybe on a farm, and last summer you en- 
 joyed the long golden days spent in the country 
 with her. Now she is returning your visit, and 
 you, being a polite woman, are making her have 
 as good a time as possible. To-day she is with 
 me, and she knows me well enough and likes 
 me well enough to tell me of her ignorance 
 
 I 
 
2 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 about certain things. She troubles herself about 
 these rather more than is necessary, for good man- 
 ners are the same all the world over. And while 
 the average girl may not be fully acquainted with 
 the minor details of social life she is gently bred 
 and kind of heart, and it is impossible for her to 
 make any very great mistake. On a piece of 
 paper she has written about the little things that 
 trouble her, and I am going, as far as I can, to 
 explain them to her so that she may feel less ill- 
 at-ease than she does. 
 
 ABOUT THE LUNCHEON 
 
 The other day she was invited to a luncheon by 
 a friend of her hostess, and when the time camfj 
 she had to go alone because her hostess had a 
 severe cold. She had never seen a table as elabo- 
 jately spread as the one at that luncheon, and she 
 soon realized that she had made a mistake at the 
 very beginning. When she went upstairs to re- 
 move her wrap she took off her bonnet also, and 
 when she came down found that she was the only 
 woman, except the hostess and the friends who 
 were staying in the house, whose head was bare. 
 Not a great error, but then the average girl likes 
 to be correct, and with a handsome silk visiting 
 dress proper for this two o’clock luncheon, she 
 should have retained her bonnet and her gloves, 
 
The Average Girl 
 
 3 
 
 removing the latter as soon as she was seated at 
 the table. 
 
 Glancing at her place she saw that the two- 
 pronged fork was for her oysters, and realized 
 that if she took up each fork in the order in 
 which it was placed she would get the right one 
 for each course. 
 
 The average girl once made a great mistake. - 
 Having been invited for half-past one o’clock she \ 
 arrived at one, to find that the hostess was not | 
 dressed, and the drawing-room not lighted. One 
 is asked at a certain time and expected to arrive 
 not earlier than five minutes before it, or, better 
 still, exactly on the minute. She felt embarrassed 
 because she was introduced to nobody. Now, 
 my dear, that you will find customary in most 
 houses, the English idea of a roof ” introduc- 
 
 tion being deemed sufficient. Where one is an 
 entire stranger, a thoughtful hostess will mention 
 the names of the women between whom one sits, 
 but generally one hears the name mentioned by 
 acquaintances, and conversation is easy. Re- 
 member this : Never ask a servant for anything 
 except bread; usually the French roll laid on 
 one’s napkin suffices, but if you should wish more 
 bread it may be asked for, or a glass of water. 
 But a second helping is an unknown quantity at 
 a formal affair. 
 
 At home the average girl is well acquainted 
 
4 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 with what is called high tea’' in the city, that 
 is, the serving, about eight o’clock, of hot meats, 
 with dishes of salads and sweets, and where all sit 
 down — a pleasant way to entertain when the late 
 dinner is not a custom. However, the card you 
 have got for the afternoon tea is not of that 
 sort. The tea card invites you to come between 
 four and seven, and you wonder what you should 
 do. You need write no acknowledgment of this 
 invitation, but to be correct you will appear about 
 half-past five, gowned in your handsomest visiting 
 dress, the pretty black silk with its trimmings of 
 velvet and jet, and the little bonnet in harmony 
 with it. If, for any reason, you are unable to go, 
 then in the morning you send by post as many of 
 your visiting cards as there are hostesses, that is, 
 hostesses whose names are on the invitation. 
 These cards are inclosed in the usual card enve- 
 lope, addressed to the lady of the house, and seal- 
 ing-wax is omitted. 
 
 WHILE AT THE TEA 
 
 When you enter you shake hands with your 
 hostess, and with any of the ladies receiving with 
 her with whom you are acquainted, or to whom 
 she introduces you. You are asked by one of the 
 receiving party if you will not go into the tea- 
 room, and there you enjoy a cup of tea, of bouil- 
 
The Average Girl 
 
 5 
 
 Ion, a bit of delicate cake or an ice, which is the 
 most that is ever served, even at a formal tea. 
 Unless you should meet many friends, ten or fif- 
 teen minutes is quite long enough for you to stay. 
 It is not necessary for you to remove your gloves, 
 and, if you are fortunate enough to have come in 
 a carriage, you will find it more convenient to 
 leave your wraps there, and so be able to make 
 your entrance at once, than if you went to 
 the room dedicated to the caring for one's outer 
 garments. We are all getting to be such good 
 walkers, however, that it is the exceptional 
 woman who, going from house to house, can 
 make her entrance right from her carriage to the 
 drawing-room. Cultivate, for afternoon use es- 
 pecially, a quantity of small talk, about the charm 
 of the hostess, the beauty of the flowers, that 
 blessing to all humanity — the weather, and the 
 last entertainment counted of worth. Never mind 
 if you do say the same thing to everybody you 
 meet, as long as it makes you avoid personalities ; 
 there is always wisdom in saying that which makes 
 conversation and wounds nobody’s feelings. 
 
 A FASHIONABLE DINNER-PARTY 
 
 You have never been to one before, and so your 
 cousin, with whom you are staying, suggests the 
 proper frock. It is a light-colored silk made sim- 
 
6 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 ply, cut out just enough at the neck, and having 
 for sleeves enormous puffs finished by frills of 
 chiffon that come just below the elbow. Your 
 gloves go up under these ruffles, and are, of course, 
 immaculate. Your hair is prettily dressed, and, 
 following the picture fashion, you have put a white 
 rose just at one side of it. A little heart-shaped 
 brooch fastens your bodice at the neck, and a 
 string of small gold beads is about your throat. 
 You know that, even if you possess them, it would 
 be in bad taste for an unmarried woman to wear 
 diamonds or expensive jewels of any kind. In 
 the dressing-room, after the maid has taken off 
 your wrap and straightened out your skirt, you 
 start to go downstairs, walking just behind your 
 chaperon. The gentleman who is to take you in 
 to dinner has been informed of this in the dressing- 
 room by receiving a card with your name upon it, 
 and so your thoughtful hostess presents him to 
 you, and you have a chat of a minute or two be- 
 fore taking his arm and joining the formal proces- 
 sion to the dining-room. Your name card is at 
 your place, and after the little flutter of getting 
 seated you pick up and look at the bunch of vio- 
 lets that is before you, and, unless you are willing 
 to risk staining your skirt with them or crush- 
 ing them, you put them on the table just in front 
 of your plate, while your escort fastens in his 
 buttonhole the single orchid intended for him. 
 
The Average Girl 
 
 7 
 
 At the best houses what used to be known as 
 dinner millinery/’ which included strips of rib- 
 bon and jars of sweets — jars frequently of expen- 
 sive china intended to be taken home — is no 
 longer seen, for it is counted as vulgar to appeal 
 to have to bribe people to come to one’s house. 
 Chat with your neighbors on either side, giving 
 the most attention, however, to your escort j but 
 err on the side of shyness rather than of self-satis* 
 faction. Many a nervous girl, bright and witty, 
 is over-eager to be entertaining, and unconsciously 
 raises her voice until it is heard above everybody 
 else’s, and her high, shrill, exciting laugh is a hor* 
 ror to the women, who blame her while they pity 
 her. A dinner-party is a formal function, and spe' 
 cially demands dignity of manner. If the Conti^ 
 nental fashion is followed, and ladies and gentle- 
 men leave the dining-room at the same time, you 
 go out as you came in. If the English fashion ob- 
 tains, and the gentlemen remain to smoke and talk, 
 rise when your hostess gives the signal, stand quite 
 still until you see your chaperon, and then fall in 
 line behind her, passing, not too quickly, the gen- 
 tlemen, who are all standing up and allowing you 
 to walk out before them. Learn to walk well and 
 not to ^‘trot.” A dinner invitation should be 
 acknowledged within three hours, and the chang- 
 ing of one’s mind about it is never permitted. A 
 witty Frenchman said, Only death is an excuse 
 
8 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 for not keeping a dinner engagement, and even 
 then a polite man would send the undertaker to 
 apologize for him/* 
 
 ABOUT YOUR CALLS 
 
 I know it to be true that when you came to 
 town you had for a visiting-card a faintly tinted 
 stiff one, on which was written your name, Eli- 
 nor Pegram,** in a fine Italian hand heavily 
 shaded. Fortunately for you, your hostess saw 
 this and kept you from making a faux pas. In 
 the place of those rose-tinted ones, happily con- 
 signed to their proper resting-place, the waste- 
 basket, you now have rather thin white cards, al- 
 most square, with, as you are the oldest daughter, 
 and as your middle name is your mother’s maiden 
 one, ‘^Miss Cholmondeley Pegram,” engraved 
 upon them. Your visiting-card represents you, 
 and consequently it must be in good taste. This 
 form is desirable because, seeing it, old friends 
 who knew your mother as pretty Elinor Chol- 
 mondeley,” will recognize you as her daughter, 
 and make an effort to show you some special 
 courtesies. When visiting leave a card for the 
 lady of the house and for each daughter in soci- 
 ety. When you cannot go to a reception or a tea 
 your cards represent you. When you do go you 
 leave your card either with a servant who holds 
 
The Average Girl 
 
 9 
 
 out a silver salver for it, or you put it on the 
 table prepared for cards. This is done because, 
 seeing many people, your hostess may not re- 
 member all who were there, and the little bits 
 of thin pasteboard tell of her visitors and warn 
 her of those to whom she owes either a personal 
 visit or a return card. You called one day on 
 a friend who lives very quietly, and who opened 
 the door for you. For her a card must be left 
 also, and as you are a bright girl you can either 
 do it before her, reminding her that you do not 
 intend to let her forget that you came to see her, 
 or you can leave it in the hall when you are 
 alone, for your hostess does not accompany you 
 further than the drawing-room door. 
 
 ABOUT YOUR SWEETHEART 
 
 You sat and wondered about your sweetheart. 
 As yet your engagement is a secret. When you 
 came to town you let him know where you were, 
 and you expected that he would call that first 
 night, ask specially for you, and that a tHe-d-tete 
 would be the result. But he is a well-bred young 
 man who understands the rules of society, and so 
 he did what was correct. He called about five 
 o’clock in the afternoon, asked for your hostess, her 
 daughter and you, and one of them went down with 
 you to see him. When he wished to take you to 
 
fO 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 see a great actor he invited your hostess and you, 
 and he never went to any place with you alone. 
 There were only a few stolen moments when you 
 could say to him just what you wished, but he 
 was acting as society in the city demanded, 
 and showing by his formal behavior his respect 
 for you. When he sent you a bunch of flowers 
 there was one for your cousin, and you were a bit 
 foolish not to value yours as much as you would 
 if he had not sent another. What he did was 
 right, and he would have been counted singularly 
 gauche and awkward if he had done as you 
 wished, and so called forth criticisms in which 
 the words bad -mannered ” would have been 
 most conspicuous. 
 
 Do not make the very great mistake of counting 
 elderly women as of no use socially. Of course, 
 you are respectful to them, but you have thought 
 that at social functions they were out of place. 
 My dear girl, the matron is the power behind the 
 throne. She decides whether you are desirable, 
 whether you shall receive an invitation to the 
 most exclusive affair and whether her daughter 
 shall count you among her intimates. It is she to 
 whom the young men go for introductions, and 
 your doom is sealed if she says : I don’t think 
 
 you would care for Miss Pegram, she is not a girl 
 of good manners.” With the passing of youth 
 power comes as a recompense. 
 
The Average Girl 
 
 II 
 
 THE VALUE OF ETIQUETTE 
 
 It seems to you ^ that there is a great deal of 
 formality necessary even about the pleasant times. 
 There is, and it is right that it should be so. If 
 society permitted free and easy manners, lack of 
 punctuality and general thoughtlessness, the whole 
 social structure would tumble over, and, worst of 
 all, woman would not receive the respect and con- 
 sideration due her. Our little talk about ways 
 and manners will, I hope, be some help to that 
 dear average girl all over the country, who, being 
 an American, has the quickness and brightness 
 making her able to do everything just right, pro- 
 vided the method of doing is suggested to her. 
 She will be, socially, a great success, if being gen- 
 teel (I like that old-fashioned word) in her man- 
 ners and her dress, she should be equally genteel 
 in her speech, in her voice, and in her choice of 
 acquaintances. If she is wise she will imitate 
 nobody, and especially will she refrain from imi- 
 tating the very loud girl who may attract atten- 
 tion, but for whom no gentleman ever has any 
 serious liking. 
 
THE SOCIAL LIFE OF A GIRL 
 
 Y this I do not mean the society girl, 
 that is, the girl whose whole life is 
 given up to the claims of society, but 
 I mean the girl who, having reached 
 a suitable age, goes to places of amusement, enter- 
 tains visitors, and no matter what her occupations 
 may be during the day, is supposed to be in the 
 social world. She is, very many times, troubled 
 about how she shall act, how she shall speak, and 
 what is her duty. I think if I were asked what 
 her duty was I should say, To get as much 
 pleasure out of life as is possible without hurting 
 anybody else, or doing anything that is wrong.” 
 The laws of conventionality were made, not that 
 people should enjoy themselves less, but to pro- 
 tect them more, and no young girl can break 
 these laws and be happy, for I can never be con- 
 vinced that a girl enjoys being spoken of as 
 
The Social Life of a Girl 
 
 13 
 
 or free and easy/’ or different from 
 the other girls. 
 
 The girl in society who is a bit shy may envy 
 that other girl who is boisterous and rough, who 
 laughs very loudly, who tells and listens to stories 
 and jests that are not quite nice, and who is par- 
 ticularly at ease in the society of men. The shy 
 girl may wish for her composure, but if the shy 
 girl could look into the hearts of the men who 
 are about this girl she would realize that she has 
 no kingdom, and that never for a minute has she 
 been a queen except in her own imagination. 
 Men, when they want comrades, seek other men. 
 What they desire in a young woman is a compan- 
 ion, and one who is totally different from them- 
 selves in her ideas and her manner of speech. 
 
 IN THE SOCIAL WORLD 
 
 You are just beginning to go out; you are 
 twenty years old, and you would like, as is per- 
 fectly natural, not only to have the love of wom- 
 en, but the genuine admiration of men. The 
 admiration of all men is hot worth having. You 
 believe that you are pleasant to look at, but 
 when you meet strangers you are abashed, the 
 blood rushes to your face, and you don’t know 
 what to say. Now a little bit of that is due to 
 self-consciousness ; more of it to inexperience. 
 
14 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 When a man is presented to you you need not 
 expect to enter into an easy conversation with 
 him, as does the woman of forty, but you can get 
 your thoughts away from yourself and answer him 
 as intelligently as possible. Make up your mind 
 to be a little slow in your speech rather than to 
 give a foolish answer, and after you have resolved 
 to do this you will not find it difficult to over- 
 come that silly giggle so peculiar to young women, 
 and which is very often the result of great ner- 
 vousness and an effort to speak quickly. 
 
 Don’t be too perfectly certain about things. 
 The positive girl who, the very minute a stranger 
 speaks to her, gives him an answer which ^he 
 announces is her opinion, and which she per- 
 mits no one else to doubt, is quite as undesirable 
 as the girl who is afraid to say anything. I think 
 you will be most successful socially if you are 
 willing to learn, and if you never permit your- 
 self, from false shame, to tell an untruth and say 
 you do know of things about which you are tO' 
 tally ignorant. Experience has taught most social 
 leaders that men like to give information, conse- 
 quently when a stranger has been presented to 
 you, and after the first ordinary commonplaces, 
 asks, Did you meet the Spanish Princess?” 
 answer yes, or no, as the truth may be, and sup- 
 plement this by another question, ‘^Did you? 
 And what did you think of her ? ’ ’ 
 
The Social Life of a Girl 
 
 IS 
 
 It is not difficult in this world to attract, if one 
 is young and pleasing to look upon. 
 
 HOW TO RETAIN FRIENDS 
 
 It may be taken as a general rule that no wom- 
 an can retain her friends who cannot control her 
 temper. What she thinks may be right, but, be- 
 cause it is so, no excuse can be found for her 
 going into a long, quarrelsome argument, raising 
 her voice, and making her hostess and all the 
 other guests uncomfortable. Then people must 
 know that, socially, a girl is to be relied upon ; 
 that she is not going to bring the daily worries of 
 her life into the social atmosphere, but that she is 
 certain to bring her mite of agreeableness to add 
 to all the other mites until the perfection of en- 
 joyment is achieved, and the pleasant side of 
 everybody is seen and enjoyed. The woman who 
 wishes to keep her friends must steer clear of vital 
 subjects on which they may differ, religion or 
 politics being especially undesirable for discussion. 
 
 RESPECT FOR LITTLE THINGS 
 
 Be pleasant and agreeable to all men who may 
 be in your own social world, but give no one man 
 the right to especially claim you until the verita- 
 ble Prince Charming appears. To retain one’s 
 
i6 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 friends one must also respect their social rights, 
 and by this I mean that if their hospitality is ac- 
 cepted one must conform in the way of dress and 
 manner to the standards of one’s hostesses ; and 
 that girl shows wisdom, who, invited to a very 
 elaborate affair and feeling that she cannot afford 
 even a simple suitable dress, refuses the invitation 
 rather than mortify the hostess by being out of 
 tune in the general harmony. 
 
 One has achieved a great wisdom when one has 
 learned how to say no ” in the social world 
 without giving offence. Personally, I do not ap- 
 prove of general dancing, though I see no harm, 
 in fact a great deal of good, in the home dance, 
 but when a girl has a conscientious feeling about 
 dancing she is wisest if she says no ” courte- 
 ously to the invitation that includes dancing. 
 She has no right to go to a dance and to make 
 her hostess uncomfortable by refusing to do as the 
 others are doing, and by so airing her honest con- 
 victions that she impresses those around her with 
 doubts of her belief. What she does not approve 
 of she should not look at. So it should be with 
 any games, or any affair involving late hours, or 
 at which she would meet undesirable people. 
 The saying no ” is right, but it must be said at 
 the right time, that is, it must be said before the 
 temptation arises and before you would be forced 
 to appear as rude. You cannot accept an invita- 
 
The Social Life of a Girl 
 
 17 
 
 tion and refuse to meet your hostess’s friends. 
 Once there, you are bound to be polite to them, 
 though afterward you need only recognize them 
 very faintly, and gradually the recognition may 
 die away altogether. It is always permissible to 
 refuse to have a man presented to you if another 
 man offers to do it, but you can never do this to 
 your hostess. You want a form of declination for 
 those invitations which you are sure will place 
 you either in disagreeable positions or among peo- 
 ple whom you do not care to meet ? Well, here 
 is one that is always courteous and which is, at 
 the same time, truthful : 
 
 Miss Brown thanks Mrs. Charles Jones for 
 her kind invitation for Wednesday evening, and 
 regrets her inability to accept it.” 
 
 That is a note that can never be questioned, 
 and no hostess is ever supposed to ask one one’s 
 reason for declining her invitation. 
 
 SOME LITTLE SUGGESTIONS 
 
 I realize that in many small places the custom 
 obtains for the young girl of the house to receive 
 visitors alone and that it is very general, but kill I 
 do not think it is right. I believe implicitly in my 
 girl, but I want her to make a change about this. 
 Have the parlor the prettiest and most comfortable 
 room in the house, but don’t be alone there — have 
 
 2 
 
i8 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 some, if not all the members of the family with you, 
 and let whatever fun there is to the fore be enjoyed 
 by everybody. The most popular girl I ever knew, 
 and one who was most admired by men and 
 women alike, told me that she never knew what 
 it was to see visitors alone until after she was 
 married. All the young men who were acquaint- 
 ed with her said they liked to visit her because 
 they got a chance to have interesting conversa- 
 tion, or sing choruses, and two or three of them 
 were quite used to helping her arrange a bit of 
 supper for the rest. One of them said, It is 
 different from going to see the other girls ; there 
 you go right into the home ; at another girl’s 
 house you sit in the parlor and after awhile she 
 comes down, and the family stay away from that 
 room as if the plague were there, and the girl acts 
 half silly, and after a fellow goes home he thinks 
 he has behaved like a fool. ’ ’ And he probably 
 has. 
 
 If I were you I should arrange my parlor with 
 a view of furnishing subjects for conversation. 
 I’d have whatever illustrated magazines or papers 
 I possessed in full view ; any photographs of 
 celebrities ; the piano open and the music on 
 it, and end by making everybody take an interest 
 in everybody else. If you want to make the peo- 
 ple about you, young men and young women 
 with whom you associate, better and brighter, 
 
The Social Life of a Girl 
 
 19 
 
 you must be the master spirit that substitutes that 
 which is interesting and innocent for that which 
 is, possibly, customary and not quite so innocent. 
 It is in your power to obliterate the vulgar kissing 
 games by offering instead interesting conversation, 
 cheerful music, and even puzzling contests for 
 them. Society does not approve of freedom, al- 
 though it may laugh at innocent frivolity. 
 
 SOME OTHER SMALL POINTS 
 
 To the girl who wants to know, and who has 
 asked me so many times if she must look after a 
 man^s coat and hat, I again answer by saying, 
 ‘‘No, let him care for them himself.” Neither 
 is it necessary for her to follow him into the hall, 
 unless, indeed, she should be seeing off a party, 
 in which are included some girl friends. The 
 girl in society, if she is a social success, soon 
 learns the value of politeness as regards little af- 
 fairs. She learns to ignore the using the wrong 
 spoon or fork ; I mean ignores the little mistake, 
 and realizes that while it is desirable to fully un- 
 derstand all the minor points of etiquette, they do 
 not absolutely comprise pure politeness, for this, 
 my dear girl, must come from the heart. It is 
 your duty, your social duty, to educate gently, 
 and by example, the various young men who 
 come around you, in the little ways of etiquette 
 
20 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 which they have ignored heretofore, but which 
 have seemed so easy to you. A clever man once 
 said that he could always tell from a young man’s 
 manners the sort of women with whom he associ- 
 ated, and really I think this was one of the best 
 tributes ever paid to the influence of woman. 
 
 I do not believe in allowing men to conclude 
 that because you know them well and like them, 
 they can do as they please before you. I saw 
 one man subdue a familiarity on the part of an- 
 other one evening in a way that was a delight to 
 my soul. There had been a good bit of fun and 
 laughter, and the young man, who was rather 
 lively, said, taking out his cigarette case and 
 looking inquiringly at the young man who had 
 brought him, I don’t suppose Miss Stuart would 
 mind our smoking.” Before the embarrassed 
 hostess could do anything more than blush, the 
 other man said, ‘‘ I have known her for five years 
 and I have never even had the impertinence to 
 ask her.” That was a friend in need. Months 
 afterward the young man made his apology, and 
 said that up to that time he had gone among 
 women whom he had treated as if they were all 
 good comrades. Again I repeat that if one wishes 
 a friendship to last, a woman must be a man’s com- 
 panion and not his comrade. 
 
The Social Life of a Girl 
 
 21 
 
 HER QUESTION AND MY ANSWER 
 
 But/ ' says my young girl, you talk about my 
 being entertaining to young men, attracting them 
 and retaining them as friends. What is their 
 duty? And don’t you think they are being con- 
 sidered a little too much?” Well, you see, my 
 dear, I am not talking to young men, in the first 
 place, and then I do not think they are being ca- 
 tered to too much. 
 
 Society is formed by the coming together in 
 pleasant intercourse of women and men. Its 
 mainspring is the family. And though our girls 
 are not sold to the highest bidder, nor are they 
 slaves in any sense of the word, still each one real- 
 izes that she wishes to marry, because her heart is 
 full of love, and because it is natural to give that 
 love to her opposite. Man, it is claimed, rules all 
 the greater affairs of life, but it has never been 
 claimed that he ever attempted to take away from 
 woman her social prerogative, and this means a 
 deal more than just deciding how to amuse one’s 
 self and how not to be bored, for it means building 
 up a wall against wrong and showing the beauty 
 and the sweetness of right. 
 
 My dear girl, you can do that. Society is good 
 or bad as women make it, and about you, although 
 you may spend your day behind the desk or be 
 
22 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 busied in household matters, you can collect the 
 best of society and get the greatest amount of hap- 
 piness out of it. Have a little confidence in your- 
 self ; don't be afraid to think out problems for 
 yourself, and when you have worked them out in 
 your mind don’t be afraid to put them in practice, 
 but always with courtesy. Society cannot exist 
 without politeness, and politeness means consider- 
 ation. The American girl has shown, all the world 
 over, her adaptability. Now let her make the 
 best society wherever she may be. She can do it, 
 for she does not lack brains, she does not lack 
 consideration, but just at times she does not see 
 the value of conventionality. I want her to think 
 over how it protects her ; I want her to be the girl 
 in society, popular and pleasant, whose greatest 
 charm is that while she is courteous to every- 
 body, she is always sincere and doesn’t make blun- 
 ders. That is the art of social life. 
 
1 
 
 GIRL LIFE IN NEW YORK CITY 
 
 OU are one among the many thousands 
 who write to tell me that you want to 
 leave home and make your own living. 
 Apparently you never stop to consider 
 that doing your duty as a daughter is earning your 
 own livelihood ; but being possessed of a vague 
 spirit of unrest, you want to come to the great me- 
 tropolis and enter the ranks of the workers, receiving 
 in absolute money what is considered the value of 
 your work. Have you ever thought out what girl life 
 in New York is? I mean the life of the girl who 
 has to work for the money with which she pays for 
 her bread and butter, the clothes she wears, and what- 
 ever little pleasure she has. You have wonderful 
 dreams of independence. You think how you will 
 rise and rise and rise, and with the hopefulness of 
 eighteen you see a great future before you. Sup- 
 pose I tell you exactly what the life of the New 
 York working girl is. If this will keep one girl 
 
24 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 at home I shall feel that all my thought has not 
 been in vain, and if one girl is convinced that, by 
 staying at home and helping with head and heart, 
 living out her life as it is planned for her, she is 
 doing right, I shall feel so glad that extra thanks 
 will go up to Him who careth for all, and before 
 whom the rich and the poor are equal. 
 
 THE GIRL IN THE GREAT TOWN 
 
 A girl, who, one year ago, came to New York 
 from a country town, obtained a position in one 
 of the big shops, is well liked by her customers and 
 the people in authority over her, works from eight 
 o’clock in the morning until six at night, with 
 half an hour’s intermission for luncheon, and earns 
 exactly six dollars a week. She is considered ex- 
 tremely fortunate, for girls who are near her, and 
 who work for the same length of time, are only 
 earning four or five. The six dollars a week in a 
 small town sounds like a great deal of money. In 
 New York it barely keeps girls from starvation, or 
 worse. I will tell you how the money goes. My 
 friend pays four dollars a week for her board, and 
 occupies a room with another girl ; her washing 
 costs her fifty cents a week, her car fare fifty more. 
 and she has one dollar left, out of which to dress 
 herself, to buy the little necessaries of life and, 
 God help her, to get her pleasures. She tells me 
 
Girl Life in New York City 
 
 25 
 
 that so far she has had to buy no clothes, for she 
 came here with a good stock, and that the firm at 
 Christmas-time gave the girls their choice of a 
 cashmere dress or money, and that she took the 
 cashmere dress, hoping in time to save enough 
 money to get it made. Why does she not do it 
 herself? Do you suppose that after standing all 
 day, working with hands, eyes, feet, and brain, 
 she is in a condition to sew at night ? Do you 
 not know that her feet are tired, that her back 
 aches, and that when she returns from work she 
 is unable to do anything but rest ? 
 
 WHAT HER HOME IS 
 
 You know she never calls it home ; she always 
 speaks of it as the house where I board. And 
 you do not wonder at this after you have seen it. 
 She and the girl with whom she chums have a 
 hall room on the top floor, three flights up. It is 
 furnished with a high chest of drawers, topped by 
 a small looking-glass ; there are three chairs in 
 various stages of decay, a medium-sized wash- 
 stand and, abomination of abominations, a fold- 
 ing-bed. Just why there should be a folding-bed 
 is not explained, for visitors are seldom in this 
 room, and no man visitor, not even one^s own 
 father, would be permitted up there. The room 
 is heated, so it is claimed, from a dark register. 
 
26 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 but through this there comes the odor of every- 
 thing that is cooking, or has ever been cooked, 
 and the warmth is quite secondary to the various 
 smells. 
 
 The girls, bless them, have tried to give the 
 place a home-like air, and there are a few photo- 
 graphs, a book or two, a little Bible, a devotional 
 book and some of their belongings about, but all 
 the womanliness in the world could not make home 
 of a place like this. The food given, oddly enough, 
 is not bad, neither is it good. If a girl was out 
 in the open air and was healthy and well, not 
 knowing what the close air of a store was, she 
 could come in, eat and enjoy her dinner, but these 
 girls are too tired to eat. Everything seems too 
 heavy to them, and as the boarding-house keeper 
 takes them as boarders, and does not propose ca- 
 tering to their special conditions for the price they 
 pay, they are obliged to make the best of what 
 they have. Breakfast, at which too often liver 
 and bacon and overdone steak appear, is not ap- 
 petizing, for the cloth bears the stains of the din- 
 ner of the night before, and a fresh napkin in 
 the morning is unknown. One or two cups of 
 coffee are taken, and, improperly equipped, bod- 
 ily, for the day’s work, the girl goes out to meet 
 it, and begins by feeling tired. The laws of the 
 State command that there shall be seats for girls 
 when they are not actually employed, but the near- 
 
Girl Life in New York City 
 
 27 
 
 est approach a shopper ever sees to this is a girl 
 leaning in a tired way against one of the shelves. 
 Do you blame these girls for getting so tired that 
 they lose hope ? Do you blame them when, seeing 
 so little of happiness themselves, they think God 
 has forgotten them ? You cannot, my friend, you 
 cannot. 
 
 HER SOCIAL LIFE 
 
 My girl is a social little creature. At home the 
 girls used to come in of an evening and talk and 
 laugh, then some sweethearts would appear, there 
 would be more talking and laughing, maybe a lit- 
 tle singing, and possibly a lively game or two. 
 What social life has my girl now ? The other 
 night some friends came to see her. They were 
 taken into the parlor, which is a stiff, bare-look- 
 ing room, with chairs and sofas arranged against 
 the wall, and a black marble table, which looks 
 like a bier, in the centre. Other people were there, 
 and everybody whispered when he talked ; it 
 was not very cheerful. It failed to make a man 
 think that a girl in that place might know how to 
 arrange for a home, or enjoy the delights of a 
 home nest. But what can my girl do ? In time, 
 if she has a sweetheart, he and she both get to un- 
 derstand that if they want to see each other they 
 must go out to do it, and going out night after 
 night for this purpose does not always tend to 
 
28 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 keep a girl in the straight line. I am sorry to say 
 this, but my own girl told me it was sadly true. 
 
 She knew, and I knew, a pretty girl, such a 
 pretty girl, who came to New York with the 
 country roses blooming on her cheeks and God's 
 own sunshine making her hair lovely. She was 
 young, healthy, and happy. She did not know 
 how to be careful, she did not know how to just 
 make the best of things and get along as most of 
 the girls do, but she wanted pleasure, she wanted 
 pretty clothes, and she loved fun. Well, she got 
 into debt, and then the theatres saw her every 
 night, first with one man and then with another, 
 and then — well, she never comes in the store 
 now ; she has plenty of fine clothes, and she told 
 a girl she met, that she was as happy as the day was 
 long, but somehow that girl did not believe her. 
 She did not have to get up early in the morning 
 any more, she was not answerable to anybody, so 
 she said, but the girl who spoke to her went back 
 and said to the other ones, and there was a tear 
 in her voice : I could not blame her; she was 
 
 young and pretty, and she wanted happiness and 
 pleasure. I do not know whether she has found 
 it or not, but let's every one of us pray for help to 
 try and drag along. ' ' 
 
 That is what they pray for. Think of it, you 
 happy people ! For help to try and drag along. 
 You never prayed for that at home. Maybe you 
 
Girl Life in New York City 
 
 29 
 
 did get tired of helping to make beds and wash 
 dishes and fix over clothes, but there were times 
 that were your own, when you could go into the 
 room that was yours and think all by yourself. 
 There is a deal in that, having a place for your- 
 self, and my girl does not get it. She has to share 
 her home with a friend. And no matter how 
 near and dear anybody may be, there are always 
 times when one wants to be alone. It is the right 
 of every human being. But my girl cannot have 
 it, as it costs too much. 
 
 AT THE FIRST GLANCE 
 
 When my girl first took her position, she won- 
 dered how, on the wages earned, some of the 
 girls near her were so well dressed. After a while 
 she discovered. They were girls who lived in 
 New York, who were not obliged to pay their 
 own board because they had homes, and who 
 used their money entirely for their clothes. They 
 took these positions because they wanted finer 
 clothes than their parents could give them, and 
 the proprietors of the stores were only too glad to 
 have well-dressed girls behind their counters. In 
 my own personal acquaintance there is one girl 
 who dresses extremely well, and who shows that 
 she lives well from her healthy appearance. In- 
 quiry proved that her father is employed by the 
 
30 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 Government, and that she spends more money 
 than she earns for her wearing apparel. Many 
 other girls are helped out by their friends at home, 
 so that the girl who has to live and dress herself 
 out of her own earnings, unless she is very care- 
 ful, chances the being discharged because she 
 does not look as well as the other young ladies 
 behind the counter.’^ My girl is good at mend- 
 ing and freshening up, and as yet her eyes permit 
 her to brush and clean her frocks in the evenings, 
 but girls who have been at work many years, are, 
 unhappily, forced either to go shabby and untidy- 
 looking, or to mend their belongings on Sunday, 
 because they are too tired at night. I am not 
 writing anything that emanates from my fancy. 
 I am stating simple facts, and I know absolutely 
 whereof I speak. 
 
 Too often, because she is unused to thinking 
 out money problems, my girl gets into debt. Her 
 landlady may be kindhearted, and trust her for a 
 week’s board, or even for a little longer. She 
 may have borrowed a little money from a girl 
 who has saved some, and at the drug store or at 
 the dressmaker’s she may have a little account. 
 What is she to do ? Say that she pays her board 
 promptly, she will still find herself a week or two 
 behind. She does not make enough money to 
 catch up, and, unfortunately, she seldom has the 
 courage to go to her creditors and offer to pay her 
 
Girl Life in New York City 
 
 31 
 
 account in very small sums, say fifty cents at a 
 time. The burden of debt is about her neck ; 
 if she is an honest girl she will do as I have sug- 
 gested ; if not, she will leave the boarding-house 
 in disgrace, go to a different neighborhood, pos- 
 sibly do exactly the same thing there, and as the 
 descent is always rapid, she will in time lose all 
 feeling of honor as far as money is concerned. 
 True, poverty has brought her to that condition, 
 but did she not seek that special state ? 
 
 SUPPOSE YOU ARE SICK 
 
 That you are good to each other, you working 
 girls, when trouble comes is undeniable, but, oh, 
 you have so little to be good with ! You cannot 
 even give of your time, for it does not belong to 
 you. It is possible that there is a society in your 
 store to which each one contributes twenty-five 
 cents a month ; then when you are sick you re- 
 ceive from three to five dollars, but your board 
 goes on just the same, your wages from the store 
 do not come, there is possibly a doctor, certainly 
 medicine, but, if you have a long illness, the 
 possibility that your place has been filled stares 
 you in the face. There is no time to look after 
 ill people in the work-a-day world. Everyone 
 of your comrades may be sorry for you, may do 
 her best to help you out, but they can neither re- 
 
32 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 serve your position for you, nor convince your 
 employers that you are a il^cessity. 
 
 A little while ago I was in one of the best 
 stores in New York, when the girl who was wait- 
 ing on me turned deadly white, swayed to and 
 fro, and I thought was going to faint. One of 
 her comrades put her arm around her, while an- 
 other finished attending to me. Then I said : I 
 
 will get a glass of water for that girl, and speak to 
 the floor- walker and ask him to allow her to go 
 home,’^ but her friend said to me: Please 
 
 don't, ma'am; Annie has these fainting attacks 
 often, and we all try to help her out, but if it is 
 once known how delicate she is she will be dis- 
 charged, and she has nobody to take care of her." 
 What could I do ? I was perfectly helpless, for I 
 could not guarantee that after I went away she 
 might not be told that she could go, but she need 
 not come back. So you see in considering the 
 question of earning your living in New York, you 
 have to think of yourself as well or sick, and you 
 must remember what enormous chances you take. 
 
 GIRLS WHO PAINT OR TEACH 
 
 Somebody says: ^^You are only taking the 
 class of girls who go into the stores." I do that 
 because they form the greatest number, and be- 
 cause they are the girls who come here from the 
 
Girl Life in New York City 
 
 33 
 
 small towns. The girl who paints, or the girl 
 who teaches painting, has, however, by no means 
 an easy life, that is, if she is entirely dependent 
 on her own exertions. I do not speak of the girh 
 who have friends to care for them, or incomes of 
 their own. Of course, it is claimed that girls who 
 have friends to care for them should not in any 
 way take the bread out of the mouths of those who 
 absolutely need it ; but this state of affairs is 
 caused almost entirely by the desire of the many 
 girls to shirk home duties and earn money out- 
 side. The right or wrong of this must be decided 
 by the girls themselves. I can best explain how 
 many a girl who paints well is placed — and you 
 must remember how many there are who only 
 paint fairly — if I tell you the story of one. 
 
 She came to New York with the prestige of hav- 
 ing had a picture in the Paris Salon, a few pictures 
 already done, and about one hundred dollars in 
 money. She was used to economizing, and ex- 
 pected to do it. She took a studio, for which she 
 had to pay thirty dollars a month, and by spread- 
 ing about her little belongings she made it look 
 pretty. What seemed like a lounge was really her 
 bed, and she did her cooking on a little gas-stove. 
 She exhibited a picture at the Academy, but it 
 was not sold. She painted away day in and day 
 out, and principally because she had no social 
 
 connections there was no sale for her work. Then 
 3 
 
34 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 she took to doing dinner cards. They were mar- 
 vellously artistic, but because of the time devoted 
 to each she had to ask a higher price than people 
 were willing to pay. She worked along with a 
 brave heart, and one day sold a picture for seventy- 
 five dollars ; that seventy-five dollars was mortgaged 
 to the extent of fifty, but she paid her debts and 
 started to work again. A woman friend sat for 
 her and the picture was sold, because this special 
 woman was the model. A little cooking was 
 done on the gas-stove, but the body was not well 
 cared for, and after three years of struggling, after 
 three years of trying to sell pictures, souvenirs, din- 
 ner cards, or anything that the public seemed to 
 demand, she broke down, and casting paint- 
 brushes to the wind, married. With what result ? 
 Broken in spirit, weak and impoverished in body, 
 she was only able to live long enough to bring 
 into the world a sad-eyed little baby, to kiss it 
 once, to turn her face to the wall, and to close her 
 eyes to this world forever. 
 
 WHAT DO I MEAN? 
 
 That is what you are asking, and this is what I 
 have to say. I have no desire to seem to wish to 
 crush a laudable ambition in any girl, but I do 
 most earnestly pray that my girls all over the 
 country will think over this picture of girl life in 
 
Girl Life in New York City ^ 35 
 
 New York City — the great city of which you read 
 and hear so much — realize its sorrows, its worries, 
 and the small, almost infinitesimal amount of en- 
 joyment in it, and then think of their lives at 
 home. ^ ^ Helping mother ’ ’ may grow tiresome, but 
 if you are sick you will be cared for, if you are 
 tired you may rest, and nobody like your own 
 home people will find so much delight in seeing 
 you have a happy time. In your home you are 
 earning your own living when you lend a helping 
 hand, are cheerful and bright, and do your best to 
 make others happy. You are earning the best sort 
 of a living, for you are making life seem worth 
 while ; you are training yourself for home life, and 
 that is the best that can come to you. Unfortu- 
 nately, there are thousands of girls who have to 
 work outside their homes ; give them your sym- 
 pathy and your greatest pity, but get down on your 
 knees and thank the good God, who made you, for 
 the privilege of working at home, and of being out 
 of the great world where there is no time for any- 
 thing but work, where the sick and the helpless 
 fall by the wayside unnoticed. 
 
THE COUNTRY GIRL 
 
 country girl, by whom I mean the 
 who lives outside of the large cities, 
 always been very dear to me, be- 
 se it has not been so very many 
 years since I knew what life in a small town meant, 
 and when, although I was only six miles from a 
 large city, I delighted in calling myself ^^a coun- 
 try girl.’’ Nowadays the country girl seems to 
 have an idea that in some way her city cousin is 
 superior to her. But my experience among both 
 city and country girls has taught me that the 
 country girl has untold advantages. In the first 
 place she has more time, her life is not so com- 
 plex, and she has the leisure, I am judging from 
 her letters, to educate her mind, strengthen her 
 body, and keep herself delightfully feminine. 
 
 When the city cousin comes to seek green fields 
 and pastures new, she is, I am afraid, inclined to 
 be a little arrogant ; not intentionally, but be- 
 
The Country Girl 
 
 37 
 
 cause her life in the city has made her feel that 
 she knows all that is worth knowing, and it seems 
 to her that the social laws of her small circle gov- 
 ern the world. Right is right everywhere and at 
 all times, but what would be counted a breach of 
 etiquette in the city may be nothing but a neigh 
 borly kindness in the country, and no thought of 
 wrong is given to it until the city girl suggests it. 
 Long ago she was told that it was not correct for 
 her to go driving with a young man alone; her 
 cousin in the country feels very grateful when a 
 neighbor who is going to the nearest town, stops 
 and takes her in his buggy, and gives her time to 
 do her shopping at the country store, and then 
 brings her back home ; there is not a thought of 
 anything wrong about this, and Chevalier Bayard 
 could not be more courteous than is her neigh- 
 bor. I think the city girl very often forgets that 
 the country is not environed by an iron railing 
 with a plot of grass behind it and a back yard. 
 Lilies grow in country gardens, and country girls 
 are very often as ignorant of evil as the lilies them- 
 selves. 
 
 TO IMPROVE HERSELF 
 
 A question that is continually asked by the girl 
 who is far off from the picture galleries, the libra- 
 ries, and the great centres of civilization is, how 
 she shall improve her mind. She does not wish 
 
3S 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 to be ignorant of what is going on in the world, 
 and yet perhaps she meets no one who has abso- 
 lutely come in contact with the busy world itself. 
 Now, the best thing for her to do is to see the 
 world as in a looking-glass, that is, to read good 
 newspapers, as many of the magazines as possible, 
 and, best of all, to discuss with someone else the 
 questions of the day ; it may be with her father, 
 her brother, or her mother. She can keep herself 
 well informed in this way, I am positively certain ; 
 many a country girl does, I am equally certain. 
 Then, too, whenever there is an opportunity it 
 will be wise for her to blot out the petty gossip 
 that exists in her own particular set, and gently, 
 but easily, interest her companions in events and 
 things in the outside world rather than the affairs 
 of the neighborhood. The country girl who will 
 think out, as she works away at her daily tasks, 
 that which is of interest to the whole world, is 
 armed to go anywhere and to meet anybody, for 
 she is feeding her mind with a diet that will 
 strengthen and widen it. Don’t, my dear girl, as 
 I said before, let yourself drift into the personal- 
 ities of the neighborhood, for as sure as you do 
 you will become quite as narrow as the city cousin, 
 who thinks that what we do in our set ” is as 
 important as the actions of Mr. Gladstone. 
 
The Country Girl 
 
 39 
 
 ABOUT HER OPINIONS 
 
 The country girl is very apt to be decided in 
 her views : she has had time to think them over 
 and to form them, and she has, as the darkies 
 down South say, made up her mind.'' But she 
 must not force her opinions on other people. 
 That is to say, because she believes one thing she 
 must not conclude that every one who dilfers with 
 her is wrong. She may refuse to do what she 
 does not think right, but she has no right to do 
 it in such a manner that she is a wet blanket upon 
 everybody else. What is one man's meat is dis- 
 tinctly another man’s poison, and difference in 
 education, in surroundings, and in habits, may 
 make what is wrong to her right to somebody else. 
 While she would be horrified at her city cousin 
 dancing a Virginia reel, her city cousin would 
 be amazed at seeing her play a kissing game at a 
 church picnic. This is just one comparison, but 
 it gives an idea of what I mean. 
 
 ABOUT HER CLOTHES 
 
 That country girl is wise who, remembering 
 that the blue of the skies and the green of the trees 
 form her background, elects that during the sum- 
 mer she shall wear pretty cottons daintily made, 
 
40 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 and wide-brimmed, somewhat fantastic straw hats. 
 She would be entirely out of place in stuffy wool- 
 lens or elaborate silks, and yet each one of you 
 knows that this mistake is sometimes made. For 
 the morning she can have the simplest ginghams 
 or lawns, and for the evening a somewhat more 
 elaborate, but still a cotton, costume. She is un- 
 wise in imitating her city cousin, who nine times 
 out of ten looks over-dressed when she is in the 
 country. I wish I could make the country girl 
 understand exactly the charm, the restful charm 
 that there is in her simplicity, and I wish I could 
 make her content. I know it is in the heart of 
 every girl to long for pretty gov/ns, and a much 
 betrimmed silk frock may look very charming to 
 the girl who has not one, while to the unpreju- 
 diced observer it seems absolutely out of place. 
 
 WHAT TO TALK ABOUT 
 
 When the city cousin comes, and the girls who 
 are to have tea with you are all together, don’t 
 ask questions about the silly habits of the town, 
 and above all things, if you hear of some silly 
 habit affected by a so-called fashionable woman, 
 don’t attempt to imitate her in her folly. Induce 
 your city cousin to tell you about the things worth 
 seeing and hearing about : of the great paintings, 
 of the wonderful naval show, and how our Amer- 
 
The Country Girl 
 
 41 
 
 ican ships contrasted with those of other nations, 
 of the flower-market, and how it interests city 
 women, while you country girls have so many 
 flowers you scarcely seem to set any value on 
 them. But do not ask about little vices, and do 
 not believe that well-bred women in the cities do 
 many of the ill-bred things that are described — 
 that they smoke cigarettes, that their gowns are 
 cut immodestly, that they are slaves to drink or 
 opium, that they are oflensively free in their lan- 
 guage — there may be such women, such women 
 are everywhere. But, my dear child, a gentle- 
 woman is always the same, be she in the city or 
 the country, and she is not addicted to anything 
 that takes away from her womanliness. Talk 
 about frocks if you like, there is no harm in that ; 
 hear pretty ones described, they are a pleasure and 
 a delight to the eyes ; but if you feel the little 
 demon of envy biting at your heartstrings, change 
 the subject right away. You think the city girl, 
 as she talks about amusements and admirers, must 
 have a very good time in life. It is not as good 
 as yours, for she does not have plenty of fresh air, 
 she does not know the joys of the singing birds, 
 she cannot tell the flower or the bloom of the tree 
 that announces the coming of spring, and her 
 world is, curiously enough, a much smaller one 
 than yours. 
 
42 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 ABOUT HER SWEETHEART 
 
 Of course you believe in him. But still you 
 have quite a funny little heartbeat when you see 
 his eyes open wide with admiration as he looks at 
 your city cousin, who, in a ribbon-trimmed gown 
 of summer silk, seems like a Dresden statuette. 
 It is useless to say you are foolish. But you are. 
 If he is worth anything, if he is worth the having, 
 he will never give you up for the city cousin, and 
 any courtesy he may show her will probably be 
 not only because she interests him, but especially 
 because he loves you. Sweethearts, my dear, are 
 much truer than we give them credit for, and if 
 you want to keep yours believe in him, and that 
 belief will make belief. If his so-called love has 
 only been the fancy of a moment, then be thank- 
 ful that by the appearance of the city cousin you 
 discovered in time that what you thought was pure 
 gold was not even silver gilt. 
 
 Some country girls tell me of little liberties they 
 allow their sweethearts, and which can really not 
 be called wrong, but I wish I could make them 
 understand how much more what a man cannot get, 
 is to him, than what is given to him as if it were 
 of no worth. No, my dear country girl, I do not 
 think you ought to let your sweetheart kiss you 
 whenever he wishes. A kiss from you should mean 
 
The Country Girl 
 
 43 
 
 so much that it should be an event, and then he 
 will be certain that nobody else is getting your 
 treasures, and that you are hoarding great expres- 
 sions of affection for the time when you shall be 
 his very own. The city girl, in keeping her sweet- 
 heart at a little distance is very wise, and the coun- 
 try girl should be equally wise. I do not mean 
 there should be no love-making — I like that old- 
 fashioned word — but I do believe that a little too 
 much freedom is a speck on the perfect fruit of 
 love, and it is one which it is in the power of the 
 girl to prevent. 
 
 WHEN SHE GOES TO TOWN 
 
 The country girl away from home is a bit troub- 
 led. She doubts her gowns, she doubts whether 
 she knows the ways and manners of the people, 
 and she is apt to be unhappy. She asked me the 
 other day if a book of etiquette would help her. 
 I say to her, No.’' The great book of etiquette 
 is the world, and it is read, like the smaller book, 
 with the eyes. Having been properly trained you 
 are not likely to make any great mistakes, and 
 the smaller customs that differ in every town are 
 easily acquired by watching what other people do 
 and imitating them, only do not imitate the 
 wrong people. If you are in a hotel, and the 
 woman opposite you uses a toothpick and walk$ 
 
44 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 out of the room with one in her mouth, don’t fol- 
 low her example. If the man next to you piles his 
 fork with vegetables by means of his knife, as if he 
 were loading a coal wagon, don’t follow his ex- 
 ample, and if somebody else near you tucks in 
 her napkin like a bib, do not think that well-bred 
 people do such things. If a dish that you have 
 never eaten is put before you, chat pleasantly with 
 your neighbor until you see how she eats it. If, 
 very properly, you do not care for wine, and are 
 at a table where wine is served, simply signify in 
 some unobtrusive manner to the waiter that you 
 do not wish any. Don’t be afraid of yourself in 
 conversation. That is to say, the chances are you 
 can talk as well as any girl in the room, but if you 
 begin to stammer and get nervous you will never 
 be able to say anything, and you will be credited 
 with knowing nothing. 
 
 ABOUT THE MEN SHE MEETS 
 
 Because a man lives in the city, which is his 
 misfortune and not his fault, it must not be sup- 
 posed that he is a black sheep roaming round seek- 
 ing whom he may devour. Though, by the by, 
 from what I have seen of sheep they devour in a 
 very quiet and polite fashion. Men are better 
 than they are credited with being, and one seldom 
 says or does anything to an innocent girl that is 
 
The Country Girl 
 
 45 
 
 not quite right. Of course there are ill-mannered 
 men, just as there are vulgar women. The coun- 
 try girl who is visiting in town must use that fine 
 wand of self-protection to discover the one from 
 the other. Gentlemen are never over-dressed, are 
 never boisterous, and are never effusive. It is 
 best, if possible, to avoid making enemies, and so 
 the country girl must use a little tact. 
 
 I do not think the country girl needs to be told, 
 she must never accept an invitation from a man 
 who is not a relation to go with him alone to any 
 place. If he wishes to do her any honor he will 
 make up a party, properly chaperoned, and then 
 she can have a thoroughly good time. The coun- 
 try girl looks at me and wonders if I think she 
 would do anything wrong. I do not. I not only 
 believe in her, but I believe in the American man, 
 yet in most large cities there are certain social 
 laws that must be observed, and the protection of 
 a young girl by an older woman is one of the most 
 important. It is true that the girl's mother may 
 have gone to a concert, to drive, or to supper with 
 a }Oung man, that all her friends did it, and that in 
 those days it was considered quite proper. But we 
 have grown older as a people, and we have got 
 that wisdom which teaches us that to keep our 
 young girls perfectly protected is the greatest of all. 
 I know that a girl who desires to do wrong can 
 do so whenever she wishes ; she can say the im- 
 
46 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 proper word, or she can act improperly when she 
 knows her chaperon is not looking. But I am 
 thankful that among American girls this type is 
 unusual, and that most of them are glad to have 
 with them an older woman, who suggests the 
 pleasantest ways out of difficulties, and who places 
 near to each other the people she thinks are at- 
 tracted the one to the other. 
 
 TO MY COUNTRY GIRLS 
 
 When my country girls are reading this I shall be 
 off where the grass is green, where the sweetest flow- 
 ers in the world bloom, and where a lazy river runs 
 beside a very old-fashioned town, and there I will 
 meet the girl I am very fond of — the country girl. 
 And we will gossip in good faith about books and 
 pictures, and she will tell me lovely stories about 
 the flowers and the woods, and she will take me to 
 drive just before the sun sets, and we will stop at a 
 farmhouse and get a drink of milk, and then when 
 I get back home I shall feel so delightfully tired.- 
 The river will sing me to sleep, and after I have 
 said my prayers, and asked a blessing upon all my 
 girls, I will unconsciously add to the fervent 
 ‘‘Amen,’' “God made the country and man 
 made the town.” 
 
HIS is her letter : 
 
 It has become necessary for me 
 to earn my own living. I have been 
 delicately reared and well educated, 
 but I am not very strong physically. People say 
 I am pretty. From my earliest childhood I have 
 had a great desire to go on the stage. I think of 
 making it my life work. What would you advise 
 me to do ? ’ ’ 
 
 My answer is this : Take up any honest em- 
 
 ployment in preference to becoming an actress. 
 You come from the South, where women are ten- 
 derly brought up, where great care is taken of their 
 surroundings, of the mode of speech used to them, 
 and where consideration is the keynote of a man’s 
 attitude to women. You are imaginative and 
 ambitious, you believe in yourself, and although 
 you have in a vague way a slight idea of the 
 temptations of the stage, you think you are strong 
 enough to withstand them. Suppose you did ; 
 suppose you were as pure as snow, you would not 
 
4B 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 escape calumny. Do you think that your work 
 would be sufficient reward for the innuendoes, 
 the shrugs, and, in many instances, the outspoken 
 words of contempt ? I am going to speak to you 
 very plainly. I am going to tell you what I know 
 to be true, because I have many friends on the 
 stage, and yet among them there is not one 
 who, when I have put the question : If you 
 
 had your life to go over would you go on the 
 stage? has not answered, No; most positively 
 no/^ 
 
 THE LIFE OF AN ACTRESS 
 
 What is the life of an actress? Unlike other 
 women she has no home, for in this great coun- 
 try there are not more than five or six stock com- 
 panies, and naturally the number of actors in 
 them is limited. A woman wants the protective 
 influence, the regular living, and the deferences 
 paid to moral laws only possible in an established 
 place of living. To-day you are in the North, 
 next week in the South, the week after in the West, 
 and you never hav^e the time to make for your- 
 self an abiding place, to surround yourself with 
 friends, or to think about the advisability of liv- 
 ing regularly. You arrive in a strange town at 
 three o’clock in the morning ; the advance agent 
 has not notified you about the hotels, and it is 
 possible that if you wish to go to a respectable 
 
Her Letter and My Answer 
 
 49 
 
 ) 
 
 one you have to pay more than you can afford, 
 because you cannot take any chances at that time 
 in the morning. In a large city there may be a 
 hotel carriage, or a cab at the station ; in a small 
 one you may look about in vain for any such ac- 
 commodation. You have no maid ; shall you go 
 hunting for a hotel in a strange place by your- 
 self? 
 
 Some man in the company, who sees your 
 plight, kindly takes your bag, goes to the hotel 
 with you, and speaks to the clerk about your room. 
 As you say good-night you thank him, oh ! so 
 heartily, and as you lay your head on your pil- 
 low you think to yourself how untrue it is that 
 actors are not gentlemen. The days go on, the 
 kindness continues, for it is meant as kindness ; 
 you know, poor little soul, that you are going to 
 be looked after, and after awhile, quite uncon- 
 sciously, you rely on this care. Very soon you 
 and he are calling each other by your first names, 
 then one night when you go back to the hotel, 
 tired and hungry, your escort suggests that he buy 
 some supper, bring it to your room, and you have 
 it together. You are very particular to keep your 
 door open, and it is all proper. But just stop and 
 think, my dear girl ; the end is always disastrous, 
 it is the first little step that counts. What is the 
 end of it ? Think it out for yourself. 
 
 4 
 
so 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 THE ATMOSPHERE OF THE FOOT-LIGHTS 
 
 You think it will not be different from any 
 other, but it will, and it is. It seems to cause 
 the growth of envy, and a good deal of unchar- 
 itableness. Your friend of yesterday, to whom 
 you wondered how you would get along, is your 
 enemy of to-day. Why ? Because you had a 
 round of applause, and a line of approbation in 
 the morning paper. The stage director orders 
 you at a certain time to take the centre of the 
 stage, the leading man is indignant at your be- 
 ing pushed forward ; he revenges himself at night 
 by moving his face in such away, ^‘mugging’' 
 is the stage slang, that the audience is attracted 
 to him, and from you. The next day he is 
 reprimanded before the whole company, and the 
 result of it all is that you have made a bitter 
 enemy, innocently enough, and one who does not 
 speak to you the entire season, but who is only 
 too ready to speak against you. You think men 
 do not do this off the stage ? My dear, they do 
 it on. This is not the worst. When two or 
 three or four or five members of the theatrical 
 profession meet, what do they talk about ? Great 
 plays ? Great actors ? Or the value of study ? 
 Oh ! no. The successes and failures and follies 
 of each other. What you hear will shock you 
 
Her Letter and My Answer 
 
 51 
 
 at first, though you get to think nothing after 
 awhile of the absolute lack of reverence shown for 
 anything that is good. The woman who tries to 
 lead a good life is laughed at. I do not mean by 
 this that there are not good women on the stage, 
 but I do know that in almost every case their 
 goodness, instead of being a subject for praise, is 
 treated not only by the stage people, but by the 
 newspapers, half scornfully . 
 
 THE WAYS AND MANNERS 
 
 You do not expect to find stage-hands with the 
 manners and courtesy of properly trained ser- 
 vants, but do you expect to find the greatest fa- 
 miliarity existing and also to hear some profane 
 language? ‘‘To swear like a stage carpenter is 
 an ordinary comparison. What effect is it going 
 to have on you in time ? It is possible you may 
 not grow equally profane, but you will become 
 so accustomed to it that it will no longer offend 
 you. Long, tiresome rides, with little or no 
 food, lunch of the kind furnished at a railroad 
 station, making it easy for you to learn to 
 take a little something to strengthen you, and 
 after you have been assured again and again that 
 there is no harm and a great amount of consolation 
 in a cigarette, you try one. Who can blame you ? 
 Not I for what you do, but I am telling you this 
 
52 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 to keep you from putting yourself in a position 
 where such temptations may come to you. Let 
 me tell you what a manager said to me the other 
 day. He was talking of one woman who had been 
 in his company, and who had been discharged. 
 On my asking him the reason, he said : Her 
 
 great charm was her womanliness. She called it 
 personal magnetism ; but it was because she was 
 such a real woman that she held an audience. 
 Now, after two seasons on the road, she may be a 
 better actress, but she is not as attractive, she has 
 become like all the rest of them, and her charm is 
 gone.^’ Was it her fault ? I cannot say. I only 
 know if she had been living out a more protected 
 life she would have remained her own sweet self 
 much longer. 
 
 THE QUESTION OF WAGES 
 
 But you claim that women make more money 
 on the stage. Do they ? Have you ever counted 
 it up ? Have you ever thought out the number 
 of rich actresses ? The salary offered seems large 
 to you ; there are few professions in which you 
 would get, as a beginner, twenty-five, thirty-five, 
 or possibly fifty dollars a week. But in what 
 other profession is the outlay so great? Few 
 companies are on the road more than nine months 
 during the year, many of them not that long. So 
 even if you are re-engaged there are three months 
 
Her Letter and My Answer 
 
 53 
 
 when you earn nothing at all. Then during the 
 long, busy days of the rehearsal you receive no 
 salary. During that time your clothes have to be 
 got, and unless you have been provident and have 
 saved some money, you are obliged to go in debt 
 for them, and this means paying more for them 
 than you would if you could give ready money. 
 
 It is necessary for you when travelling to go to 
 a respectable hotel, and these are seldom cheap ; 
 of course, in some of the large cities you may find 
 some less expensive place, but when you are only 
 going to be in a town for a few days, you have 
 not the time to hunt up a boarding-house. You 
 are obliged to look well, and the wear and tear on 
 your clothes is very hard. It is possible that one 
 of your stage costumes is an elaborate evening 
 dress — the average dressing-room is a dirty, un- 
 carpeted place, that in your own home you would 
 not offer to the lowest servant. From the dress- 
 ing-room to the stage the walk is rough and dusty, 
 and the stage itself is too often covered by a car- 
 pet, when it has one at all, that is heavy with 
 dust. The expensive gown is soon soiled, a new 
 one has to be had, and even though you do 
 have your gowns cleaned, this process is expen- 
 sive. When the outlay is considered, I do not 
 think the average actress — the average one, re- 
 member — earns much more money than the girl 
 who stands behind the counter in a good shop. 
 
54 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 HOPES OF THE GIRL IN FRONT 
 
 You have an idea that as travelling improves 
 most people, the going through the country will 
 do the same for you. How many actresses know 
 anything about the places where they have been ? 
 Thoroughly tired out after the night’s perform- 
 ance they sleep until late the next day, and then, 
 if there is not a rehearsal, seem to find more pleas- 
 ure in staying in their rooms, reading novels or 
 playing cards until it is time to go to the theatre 
 again. Too often all they know about a place is 
 the distance from the station to the hotel and 
 from the hotel to the theatre itself. I am not 
 stating this as a surmise ; I absolutely know it to 
 be true. The life inclines one to indolence, and 
 the thought of going out to take a walk or to see 
 the places of interest never seems to enter the 
 head of the average actress. You think she talks 
 well and is versatile. She talks easily — her pro- 
 fession has given her control of words ; it is to 
 her advantage to be able to sing a little, play a 
 little, and dance well, but most of her accom- 
 plishments are superficial. She has neither the 
 time nor the inclination to take up any studies, or 
 to think out questions that are not of immediate 
 use to her. 
 
 You had hoped by going to that well of Eng- 
 
Her Letter and My Answer 
 
 55 
 
 lish undefiled, the works of Shakespeare, to im- 
 prove yourself so much mentally, that you would 
 stand out as an intellectual woman as well as an 
 actress. My dear child, the average actress in 
 reading Shakespeare looks for the business’’ 
 that it will give and does not trouble herself about 
 the meaning of the words, or the subtlety of the 
 character as painted by the great writer. After 
 you have been laughed at, you will, in a little 
 while, get to be like the rest of them, for, as on 
 the stage you imitate somebody else, so off it you 
 will unconsciously exercise your mimetic power. 
 
 THE ACTRESS AND THE WOMAN 
 
 You think I am severe. You think that you 
 can live your own life as you wish it without giv- 
 ing a thought to the people about you. My 
 child, this is impossible. Unconsciously, we are 
 impressed by our environment, and people with 
 whom we are thrown in contact, day by day, are 
 each doing something for or against us. They 
 may never know it. I do not like to think any 
 human being would wilfully set a bad example, 
 and yet the mere lives of some people make the 
 difference between good and evil seem less. You 
 imagine you can keep to yourself. You might if 
 you were the star of the company, but as you are 
 not, as you dre.>^ in the room with someone else, 
 
56 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 you are forced, if only for your own comfort, to 
 be civil to all those around you. And civility 
 and familiarity are almost synonymous back of the 
 foot-lights. A very curious habit increases this 
 familiarity — somebody wants a little rouge, some- 
 body wants a little powder; would you mind 
 lending a pair of stockings to somebody else ? 
 At first you resent this lack of recognition as to 
 mine and thine, but after awhile you grow to be 
 like your comrades. 
 
 At first — and now I am going to say something 
 that because I am a woman I can say — at first, 
 you bit your lip and blushed at the freedom with 
 which words were used — words that you had never 
 heard before ; you lost your opportunity to stop 
 such conversation when it began, and you will be 
 surprised to discover, later on, how first you listen 
 and then indulge in it yourself. I do not know 
 why it is that back of the painted curtain there 
 seems to crop up, like weeds, most of the small 
 vices. You cannot get out of it by isolating your- 
 self. I will prove this by telling you something. 
 
 FROM PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE 
 
 A woman, a young woman and a pretty woman, 
 who has managed to keep herself free from re- 
 proach, and who is a well-known actress, never 
 mingles with the company. Between the acts she 
 
Her Letter and My Answer 
 
 57 
 
 sits in her room, and after she is dressed, usually 
 reads. When she is waiting for her cue, her maid 
 stands beside her, and she speaks to her in French. 
 Not one of her fellow-actors ever comes near her. 
 She bows when she meets them, and does her own 
 work regularly and religiously. She never says one 
 word against the people ; she simply never discusses 
 them ; and the consequence is, she is one of the 
 most thoroughly disliked women in the profession by 
 the profession. They do not forgive her her success, 
 and they are ready, only too ready, to find fault 
 with her. She has told me that she knows she is 
 credited with being disagreeable and haughty, and 
 she adds : I prefer they should think that, to 
 
 being very popular and being forced to be one of 
 them.'’ Her safeguard consists in being disliked. 
 Do you think that is pleasant? Do you think 
 that any woman with a heart likes to know that 
 the men and women around her do not forgive 
 her her successes, that they begrudge her her hap- 
 pinesses and are glad if she has sorrows ? I can- 
 not explain this to you. I can only say that I 
 know it to be true, and that this dislike sometimes 
 takes the form of acts as well as of words. 
 
 You give a shrug of your pretty shoulders, and 
 doubt this. But you have not as yet lived on the 
 other side of the foot-lights, and so I will tell you 
 what I saw myself. I went one afternoon to visit a 
 young girl in her dressing-room ; there was great 
 
58 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 excitement all around. Since the night before 
 someone had entered the dressing-room of another 
 actress, had taken the scissors and maliciously slit 
 up in strips the dress which she wore in the play. 
 There was not time to get another one. It was a 
 peculiar dress, and so she had to be out of the bill 
 for the afternoon. I asked if they did not think 
 a crazy person had done it, and I was told con- 
 fidentially that it was undoubtedly a member of 
 the company, a girl who was the rival in singing 
 and dancing of my friend. It was hard to believe 
 this, but I was assured it was true. It is possible 
 that you think I am severe, my dear girl, but I 
 want you to see the other side and to realize that 
 the applause, the gayety, the brightness belong to 
 the audience, and that there is very little of it be- 
 hind the curtain. Among my own friends I num- 
 ber women who are on the stage, good women, 
 honest women, and true women, but not one of 
 them wishes a sister or a daughter of hers to follow 
 in her footsteps. 
 
 AN IMPORTANT QUESTION 
 
 Although you do need to earn your own living, 
 you think that some day Prince Charming will ap- 
 pear and make you his wife. Suppose he happens 
 to be an actor, suppose you are true to each other, 
 what kind of a life will you have ? You will nof 
 
Her Letter and My Answer 
 
 59 
 
 in reality be a helpmate and companion to the 
 man you love, you will only bear his name. And 
 he ? Is it surprising when you two are so far apart 
 that he should not always make you first in his 
 thoughts ? He will be away from you many 
 months in the year. Few managers care to em- 
 ploy husband and wife, so if you remain on the 
 stage you may be in one part of the country while 
 your husband is in another, and when the vacation 
 time comes, you just stay some place’* until 
 the season begins again. When you were cre- 
 ated it was intended that you should lead the 
 the life of a woman, and living the life of a woman 
 means having a home of your own, and making 
 out of your life a sweet fragrance that will rise and 
 be accepted as tribute by Him who created you. 
 It will not be easy to do this if you lead the 
 wandering life that the stage demands, and the 
 very fact of your being young and pretty will tend 
 to lessen your chance rather than to increase it. 
 My dear, I beg of you to select any work rather 
 than that which the stage offers you. The play- 
 er’s life is not calculated to bring out the virtues 
 of a woman. 
 
QUIET WALKS FOR GIRLS 
 
 OMEONE asked, not very long ago, 
 why women went out into the world 
 to work ; whether it was for love of 
 money or for love of work ; whether it 
 was to get away from home, or whether it was with 
 the desire to become famous. I think oftenest — 
 and I am forced to think this from innumerable 
 letters I receive from my girls — that the girl who 
 goes out into the workaday world to earn her own 
 bread and butter does it because of the necessity. 
 But when the question of making one’s own living 
 stares one in the face, and what one must do to 
 gain this livelihood has to be decided upon, noth- 
 ing is more common than to see the quickness with 
 which girls choose the paths in life which are al- 
 ready overcrowded. 
 
 They think they would like to make their living 
 by writing. They have read about some woman 
 who has made money and fame by her pen. They 
 hear of her to-day ; what about the ten long years 
 
Qiliet Walks for Girls 6i 
 
 when she worked, unknown, to make this reputa- 
 tion ? They hear of a woman painter who got a 
 big check for her picture. They think they have 
 talent of the same sort. There are millions of 
 women who have thought the same, but who to- 
 day are decorating cups and saucers that do not 
 sell. Won’t my girls have the moral courage to 
 try and earn the bread and butter in one of the 
 quiet walks of life ? What are the quiet paths of 
 life ? Well, here is one : 
 
 THE NURSERY GOVERNESS 
 
 You may be only seventeen years old when it 
 becomes necessary for you to take care of yourself ; 
 you know nothing of Greek or Latin, and you 
 could not train a young girl for college, but you 
 have the three R’s at your finger-tips, you are 
 good - tempered, and you have accumulated a 
 store of patience. Now try for the position of 
 nursery governess. In a big city ITl tell you what 
 that means. At nine o’clock in the morning you 
 enter the nursery where your small pupils are, 
 ranging in years from three to seven; probably 
 there are three of them. There is a pleasant 
 
 How-do-you-do,” because, first of all, you must 
 'make them like you. And then the so-called les- 
 sons begin. The seven-year-old, having mastered 
 her letters and knowing how to read in single- and 
 
62 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 possibly double-syllabled words, reads a story that 
 interests the other two, or at least one of them^ 
 while the baby starts in to build a house of alpha- 
 bet blocks with the letter on top. Then 
 
 for the seven -year-old you set a copy on the slate 
 — preferably her name ; and the five-year-old, to 
 whom you should devote your closest attention, 
 you teach how to spell words from a picture- 
 book. 
 
 Before you know it will be eleven o’clock, and 
 the nurse will be ready to go out with you. She 
 puts on the little people’s wraps and gloves and 
 hats, and you, as superior, oversee this. Then, 
 once in the open square, you teach the children to 
 walk properly, and to speak politely to any ac- 
 quaintance whom they may meet, and at the end 
 of the exercise hour you may let them have a run 
 that will not be too boisterous. At home again a 
 little after twelve, preparations are made for the 
 midday dinner. Then you must watch. Baby 
 must be taught that it isn’t right to swallow things 
 whole ; the five-year-old must be educated not to 
 pile his fork with vegetables, and the seven-year- 
 old must be shown how to help herself to the dish 
 that is passed to her without dropping its contents 
 on the table-cloth or the carpet. After a little 
 time the girl is given a thimble and you teach her 
 how to sew, while the boys are busy with whatever 
 will occupy them quietly. At half-past two you 
 
Quiet Walks for Girls 
 
 63 
 
 go home, and if you are as willing and as eager to 
 succeed as one little woman I know, when the 
 half-hour strikes you will have your pupils hang' 
 ing to your skirts, expressing their regret at your 
 departure, and wishing that you might live with 
 them forever and forever/* 
 
 The average nursery governess is paid thirty dol- 
 lars a month, and, of course, she has her dinner. 
 Sometimes several families will unite, make a little 
 group of six or eight children, who will all be 
 taught at the house of whoever has the largest nurs- 
 ery. But when that is the case the governess’s 
 hours last from nine to one, she is paid more, and 
 she does not dine with her pupils. There is no 
 publicity about this position, a college certificate is 
 not required, it is one that no gentlewoman need 
 scorn, and yet it is said to be very difficult to find 
 a good nursery governess. 
 
 ANOTHER NEGLECTED OCCUPATION 
 
 It is that of maid. I can see the scoffing air 
 with which this is received, and yet a good maid 
 not only gets good wages, but she has slight ex- 
 penditure. Her living is paid for, and usually she 
 eats by herself. She is very apt to have the gowns, 
 the black ones, which it is most proper for her to 
 assume, given to her on special occasions. And 
 if she knows anything about her work she can 
 
64 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 command twenty-five dollars a month. It is ex- 
 pected of her that she should be neat, know how 
 to take care of clothes, be responsible for her mis- 
 tress’s jewelry, be able to brush hair and do or- 
 dinary mending. If she is ambitious and will 
 learn to dress hair, teach herself how to make- 
 over dresses, and proves able to take care of her 
 mistress when she is ill, she can earn fifty dollars 
 a month. No education except that of the heart 
 and that of the hands, which every woman, 
 even if she doesn’t know how to read nor write, 
 is supposed to have, is required for the position of 
 maid. I have known good maids who were never 
 made to feel for one minute that it was a question 
 of mistress and maid, and who gained this con- 
 fidence and love by good work and consideration. 
 Personally I would much rather be maid to a lady 
 than stand behind a shop counter. I know that 
 many of my girls will disagree with me, but I can 
 assure them that the life is much easier. 
 
 THE PLEASING COMPANION 
 
 I know you from your letter. You think you 
 could play Lady Macbeth^ and yet you have 
 come down to giving lessons in elocution, and the 
 average of teachers to pupils in this line, as quoted 
 lately, is ten to one. There are a great many 
 women whose eyes being a bit weak like to be read 
 
Quiet Walks for Girls 
 
 6S 
 
 to. Why don’t you drop elocution and start in 
 as a reader to one of these women? You can 
 charge from fifty cents to a dollar an hour, and 
 your work will consist of picking out from the 
 morning paper what will be interesting to your 
 employer. Then you can answer her notes. This 
 is neither hard nor unpleasant work. To be able 
 to take the mail, select from it the letters that are 
 purely personal, or which are from members of the 
 family, and those that are social or business notes, 
 to open and read the latter, and answer them in 
 accordance with the wishes expressed, answer them 
 in proper language and in a good, clear hand, will 
 add to your value as a reader. And if the lady 
 for whom you are working should be of sufficient 
 importance socially to require an elaborate visiting 
 book, and you can learn how to keep that in or- 
 der, you will add just that much more to your 
 value. 
 
 BY WORK OF THE NEEDLE 
 
 Some time ago I wrote of the money that might 
 be made by a young w^oman who was a good 
 mender ; since then there have been a number of 
 menders who advertised and readily found work. 
 But they made a great mistake ; they overcharged. 
 Asking one dollar an hour for their work, and in 
 that hour mending one pair of stockings, was an 
 evidence of very bad business tact. If the stock- 
 5 
 
66 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 ings happened to be lace or silk ones it might be 
 worth while, but the general stocking doesn’t cost 
 over a dollar a pair, and it is really cheaper to buy 
 new ones than be bothered by a strange woman 
 coming in to mend the old ones. To the woman 
 who can mend, but who cannot remake, I would 
 suggest that a dollar a day and her board is quite 
 enough for her ; and when I say her board, I mean 
 two meals, her breakfast and the midday one. 
 She should learn as rapidly as possible where the 
 family for whom she works keeps the undarned 
 stockings, the torn skirts, the worn linen, and the 
 shoes without buttons. And she should induce 
 her employer to purchase and keep for her a mend- 
 ing-basket, in which to keep the different threads, 
 the buttons and the tapes, the hooks and eyes, and 
 different-sized needles, so that when it is desired 
 the implement is to hand. Once she has the repu- 
 tation of being a good mender, and an honest one, 
 her services will be called for once a week in dif- 
 ferent families, and if she is agreeable — and unless 
 she is no woman will succeed in any business — her 
 patrons will soon become her friends, eager and 
 anxious to advance her interests. In Paris, the 
 city of great luxury and great economy, your laun- 
 dress can always recommend a mender to you, so 
 that the forlorn bachelor is cared for, and though 
 he may never see the woman who looks after his 
 belongings, still he gladly pays the laundress for 
 
Quiet Walks for Girls 
 
 67 
 
 her work, and the laundress, as she pays her, either 
 deducts a small percentage, or they work in good- 
 fellowship. 
 
 SOME OTHER WORKERS 
 
 In the large cities the young woman who knows 
 how to manicure has discovered that she can make 
 more money and be more independent by going 
 to her customers at their houses. She carries in 
 her little bag all her implements, and if her ser- 
 vices are rendered regularly she will be required 
 from half an hour to an hour. For this she is 
 paid fifty cents, and as her time is usually taken 
 up from nine in the morning until six in the 
 evening, it is easy to understand that she can 
 make a nice little income, especially as if when 
 she is kept after six she charges, properly enough, 
 one dollar. 
 
 The visiting hair-dresser is equally fortunate. 
 She comes to do your hair every day at the hour 
 which is most convenient ; it is not expected that 
 she arranges it in an extremely elaborate way, but 
 she brushes it well, shampoos it once a month, 
 curls the front, and arranges the back as you like 
 it. For this she is paid fifty cents or two dollars 
 and a half a week. She can get through with 
 almost any head in half an hour provided she 
 is not detained, and if her services are needed for 
 the evening, and an elaborate coiffure is de- 
 
68 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 manded, she charges a dollai extra. During the 
 gay season the extras are many, and as at all 
 times women like to have their hair look well, 
 most of them are quite willing to pay the price 
 that she asks. Of course, in the case of the 
 manicure and the hair-dresser the first struggle is 
 to get the customers ; after that to keep them. 
 This is done by having an agreeable manner, but 
 one that is not familiar. You must remember 
 that you are not paying social visits, but those of 
 business. Then you must be prompt and be neat. 
 The best hair-dresser I ever knew lost most of her 
 customers because she was slovenly in appearance ; 
 and another one who had every qualification nec- 
 essary to make a success in her special business 
 was equally unfortunate because she was never on 
 time. 
 
 STILL ANOTHER WORK 
 
 I have spoken of Paris as the city of the great- 
 est luxury and the greatest economy. There is a 
 work there which has been usurped by men, and 
 yet which should belong to women. It is that of 
 the professional packer. Do you know how to 
 pack a trunk well ? And if you donT, how many 
 people do you know who do? And wouldn't 
 you gladly give a dollar for a large, and fifty 
 cents for a small trunk to be properly packed ? 
 The packer comes with dozens of sheets of tissue- 
 
Quiet Walks for Girls 
 
 69 
 
 paper and several pieces of tape. You can sit 
 where your belongings are, and as skirts and bod- 
 ices are taken down say which you want. Then 
 ^he bodices have their sleeves stuffed with paper to 
 keep them in shape, the trimmings carefully cov- 
 ered with it ; the skirts are properly folded ; the 
 bonnets and hats have tapes pinned to them, and 
 these same tapes are tacked to the sides of the hat- 
 box, so that no matter how much the trunk may 
 be shaken not a feather nor a rose moves out of 
 its place. Then when everything is done, there 
 is laid on the top of the last tray a list of the 
 things that are in the trunk, so that you don’t 
 lose your temper searching for the pink bodice 
 which isn’t there, or the tan- colored shoes which 
 you expressly requested should be left at home. 
 I do not suppose there is sufficient business in the 
 ordinary town for a packer all the year round, but 
 I am quite certain that once it were known that 
 you could pack well, when the going-away time 
 came your services would be in great demand and 
 you would seldom be out of work. 
 
 WHAT I MEAN 
 
 My dear girl, it is just possible that you are very 
 foolish ; that you scoff at the honest ways of earn- 
 ing a living about which I have spoken. Work 
 is never dishonorable. The manner in which it 
 
70 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 is done is all that can make it so. The position 
 you occupy is gauged entirely by the worth of 
 your work. A thorough mender is a thousand 
 times better than a careless dressmaker. You 
 would be horrified if I called you dishonest, and 
 yet when you force your friends to buy one of 
 your badly painted pictures, when you annoy 
 editors with worthless stories, and when medioc- 
 rity stamps whatever you do, it would be wiser 
 and more honest for you to choose one of the 
 quieter paths in life. It is a misfortune for a 
 woman to have to earn her living. But it is 
 a misfortune which, thank God, she has met, oh, 
 so many times, bravely and honestly. When she 
 goes out into that world where she has to give a 
 dollar's worth of work for a dollar, then I do not 
 think she wants to be a beggar ; but she is this if 
 she tries to foist upon a circle of acquaintances and 
 friends miserable specimens of work. She is self- 
 respecting and honorable when she does well the 
 work which she finds will pay her the best, for, 
 after all, we are all working, as the clever little 
 Western woman wrote about her newspaper. 
 Not for favor, not for fun, but for cash." I do 
 not want you always to think of the dollar as the 
 sole aim of your work, but I do want you to re- 
 member that if you do good work you will get 
 good money. 
 
1 
 
 A GIRL’S RELIGIOUS LIFE 
 
 N every language it has been said that 
 a woman without religion is like a 
 flower without perfume/* and that it 
 is true is best proven by the fact that 
 men who have no belief grieve bitterly if the 
 women who belong to them are unbelievers. I am 
 going to have a little talk with my girls about 
 what religion means to them, and what I think it 
 should mean. I say religion because I hope that 
 every one of them respects the faith which is lived 
 up to by the other, and that no one of them would 
 dare question the right or the wrong of a belief 
 that gave forth beautiful blossoms of purity, sweet- 
 ness, and charity. 
 
 First of all, then, your religious life must be real. 
 You probably wonder what I mean when I say this, 
 and I am going to try, as well as I can in black 
 and white, to tell you. Each one of you has, 
 please God, been taught when you were a little 
 girl to say your prayers, to read certain devotional 
 
72 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 books, and to do as nearly as possible that which 
 is right. This you have accepted with the beau- 
 tiful faith that comes only to a child. As you 
 near womanhood, you begin to think about the 
 meaning of things. You decide for yourself what 
 is right, you make a public announcement of your 
 belief and of your intention to live up to that be- 
 lief. Almost invariably this is followed by an ef- 
 fort to live what you think is a spiritual life. You 
 mark out for yourself certain pages that are to be 
 read, you think out the prayers you wish to say, 
 you are willing to work for the cause in which you 
 believe, and nothing gives you so much joy as the 
 absolute giving up of yourself, mind and body, to 
 religion. This is what might be called the ecstasy 
 of religion. You who are feeling it will think 
 that I am cruel in saying that it is almost worse 
 than no religion at all, because all such violent 
 emotions have their opposites and are certain to 
 turn sooner or later in that direction. 
 
 RELIGION WITHOUT RELIGION 
 
 Wrapped up in prayer you find your daily du- 
 ties troublesome ; uplifted by heavenly words you 
 regard the ordinary speech of life as coarse ; think- 
 ing of the lives of saints and mart)U-s you seem 
 wicked, and there is an absolute pleasure in re- 
 minding yourself of that fact. Now, my dear girl, 
 
A GirVs Religious Life 
 
 73 
 
 this is only an evidence of vanity. You are by no 
 means the greatest sinner that ever lived, and you 
 give yourself pleasure, and do not mortify yourself 
 when you say so. If you face the situation you 
 will realize that your sins are mean, nasty, petty 
 little ones — that you do not commit great sins, that 
 you are not tempted to, and that you are telling 
 what is an absolute untruth when you call yourself 
 the greatest sinner in the world. So put down 
 vanity as one of your faults. 
 
 It seems most important to you that a certain 
 number of prayers be said each morning ; that is 
 right, if the prayers are said at the right time as 
 well as in the right spirit, but when you linger 
 over your prayers, keep the breakfast- table wait- 
 ing, or find it impossible to give a helping hand 
 in the household because of your religious duties, 
 your prayers are, in the sight of God, of no worth 
 whatever. If you wish them to be as a lovely 
 fragrance before the great white throne, get up 
 half an hour earlier and in this way make faith 
 and works combine. The tired mother, who sent 
 a small child up to sister ''to be amused, only 
 to be informed that sister" was reading her 
 good book and couldn't be bothered with him, is 
 not to be blamed for sympathizing with Martha 
 for being troubled about many things. 
 
74 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 THE SPIRITUAL AND MATERIAL 
 
 Your religious life is absolutely worthless unless 
 you can make the spiritual side show itself in your 
 daily life. Dear old George Herbert long ago 
 wrote, ^^Let thy mind^s sweetness have its opera- 
 tion upon body, clothes, and habitation.’’ Now, 
 are you doing this? Or are you simply using 
 your religion as a course of aesthetic pleasure for 
 yourself? Are you living a negative life — that 
 is, doing what you think correct, as far as the 
 outward observance of your religion demands, 
 and, as you put it, doing no harm to any- 
 body”? That last condition does not exist. 
 When you don’t do harm to people you do them 
 good, and so you must be influencing them in 
 some ways. To your brother, your sister, your 
 father or mother, you are showing something of 
 your religious life. Are you giving them the im- 
 pression that religion is good to think of and talk 
 about, but not to live by ? — that it makes very 
 little difference whether one has a belief or not 
 when it comes to a question of every-day life ? If 
 this is so, do you realize that you are announc- 
 ing that while it is interesting, it is neither 
 worth living by, nor dying for? Harsh? No, 
 I am not that. I am only trying to show you of 
 how little use is religion unless you make it a 
 
A GirVs Religious Life 
 
 75 
 
 working one. I do not mean by this that you 
 shall separate yourself from your people to work 
 solely for this, though there are thousands of or- 
 ders where great and good work is done by 
 women who are called by God to do this work, 
 but I am talking to you who are in the world and 
 of the world, and who, each in your own way, 
 can make that world better. 
 
 A DAY OF YOUR LIFE 
 
 Just take a day of your life and work it out. 
 You get up a little late, and if you stop to say the 
 long prayers that you usually do you can’t help 
 the children to dress. What ought you to do ? 
 Kneel down for a minute and reverently ask 
 God’s help during the day, and thank Him for 
 His care during the night. Then go to your 
 work. Don’t do it sullenly, don’t do it as if it 
 were a trouble, but do it cheerfully as a sister 
 should. Later on different duties arise, and do 
 not shirk one. I feel like saying many times that 
 there is nothing so pleasing to God as work that 
 is done cheerfully ; it is a prayer, a very rosary of 
 deeds. Try throughout the day to speak the 
 kindly word, and be charitable even in your 
 thoughts. If you have time to be alone for a 
 little while, then the book you are fond of, or the 
 prayer you wish to say can be attended to, but 
 
76 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 God who made you and placed you where you 
 are, He, who can read the heart, thoroughly un- 
 derstands that to do what your hand findeth to do 
 is worship. 
 
 THE DUTIES OF TRUE RELIGION 
 
 I would not seem for one minute to underrate 
 the duties of religion, but I must say that I think 
 young girls are too apt to remember the letter of 
 the faith rather than the spirit. It is right that 
 you should show the world what you believe, that 
 there should be the outward visible sign in the at- 
 tendance at church, in the respect shown to those 
 occupying spiritual positions, and in the doing of 
 charity, but, and this is too often the case, these 
 good acts are counted first of all, and the duties 
 that come into one’s life, and which are just as 
 important, are neglected. A girl of my acquaint- 
 ance, who was very enthusiastic, said during 
 Holy Week, last year, to her clergyman : Oh, 
 
 Mr. Brown, I am so weak, I can hardly walk to 
 church, I have almost starved myself this Lent ! ” 
 She expected approbation, she got none ; instead 
 the clergyman said to her: You are not only 
 
 a foolish, but a wicked girl. You are not strong 
 and should not have fasted at all. As it is you 
 will be ill, you will cause your mother, who is a 
 very busy woman, much trouble and a great deal 
 
A Girls Religious Life 
 
 77 
 
 of worry, and in the sight of God you have com- 
 mitted a great sin. You have lacked considera- 
 tion for others, and you have ill-treated the body 
 which was made in His image. If you had kept 
 yourself well and strong and been a help to your 
 mother, your Easter day might have been a happy 
 one, but as it is, it can only be filled with re- 
 morse. Pray for wisdom.'^ 
 
 This explains better than I can what I mean 
 when I tell you that you must make your material 
 and your spiritual lives in perfect harmony. The 
 soft answer that turneth away wrath does more to 
 convince your brother of the value of your relig- 
 ion than all the prayers ever written, if you are 
 ill-tempered. The forgiveness rendered some one 
 who has hurt you is more convincing of the 
 beauty of the golden rule, and of your living up 
 to it, than all the societies that were ever formed 
 for the benefit of the heathen. To make religion 
 beautiful in your own home and among your own 
 people is a great work. And if every girl did that 
 there would be no heathen. I know it is hard 
 to always do the right thing. I know it is hard 
 when there are beautiful, high, and noble thoughts 
 that we would like to enjoy alone to have to sweep 
 a floor, or mend a gown, or bathe a baby, but 
 the doing of any of these gently and cheerfully 
 is better than thinking high thoughts — it is living 
 them. 
 
78 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 THE GIRL AT PRAYER 
 
 I do not know that I can tell any girl how to 
 pray, for each of us unconsciously has her own 
 way. All that I can do is to tell you mine. God 
 Himself has never seemed far off from me, and 
 there is nothing for which I would not ask Him. 
 I think He knows my temptations, and He knows 
 me physically and mentally. Therefore, when I 
 say: Dear God, take away this sorrow,’’ or 
 
 ^^give me this pleasure,” I know He understands, 
 and will do as seemeth best to Him. When the 
 burden of the day becomes almost too great, the 
 cry is only, ^^Lord, help me.” And I tell you 
 from my heart that I have never prayed and found 
 my prayer unanswered, not always, perhaps, just 
 in the way I expected it, but in time I saw the 
 wisdom of it all. I believe in spoken prayer, 
 but I believe also in the greatness of the prayer 
 that is never uttered by the lips. I believe that 
 with God every intense wish is a prayer, and 
 so I warn you, as did the preachers long ago, 
 to beware of that for which thou wishest with 
 all thy heart. Many girls, not content, or not 
 feeling sure of the words that would come from 
 their own hearts, appreciating the majesty rather 
 than the mercy of God, prefer a formula of 
 prayer. 
 
A GirVs Religious Life 
 
 79 
 
 Of this I only have to say, do not get into the 
 habit of repeating it thoughtlessly, but linger over 
 the beauty of its words and realize what they 
 mean every time they are uttered. The universal 
 prayer, the one which asks Our Father^’ for 
 help, and wisdom, and charity, and sweetness, 
 belongs to all of us, is simple enough for the 
 youngest to understand, and magnificent enough 
 in its words and intention to satisfy the most 
 intellectual. That is all I can say about prayer, 
 because when we pray and how we pray must be 
 arranged by each, only we do not want our pray- 
 ers to be mere words, nor do we wish to go on the 
 housetops or the highways to make them. 
 
 VALUE OF SELF-EXAMINATION 
 
 There is probably no way to arrive at one^s re- 
 ligious condition so valuable as by self-examina- 
 tion, and by this I mean the living over in your 
 thoughts the hours of the day, and the seeing 
 wherein you have made mistakes, and how in 
 future they can be avoided. Sometimes this prac- 
 tice is carried to such a degree that hope is driven 
 away from one, but this is only when one is not 
 looking at the world justly, and is too prone to 
 see the dark side of the cloud and not its silver 
 lining. Probably the best way to "examine one’s 
 conscience is to say to one’s self the Ten Com- 
 
8o 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 mandments, giving a thinking time after each, to 
 see if one has committed the small sins that, while 
 they are not mentioned by words, are yet really 
 included in the Commandments. True, you may 
 not have stolen anything, but have you been 
 quite just ? Certainly you have not killed any- 
 body, but have you been cruel in act or word ? 
 You have not been unchaste, but have you looked 
 at or listened to anything that you would not like 
 to tell God about ? Have you by a quick word, 
 a sullen temper, or an ungracious manner shown 
 lack of respect to your elders and superiors ? 
 Have you, even by innuendo, or by a silence 
 that spoke louder than words, borne false witness 
 against your neighbor ? And have you with that 
 question of who is my neighbor ? neglected to 
 do a kindness ? Do you know that in a beautiful 
 garden where the rose-trees grow there sometimes 
 comes one poisonous plant that kills their beau- 
 cy at once ? But this seldom happens. Much 
 oftener, when no attention is given to it, thou- 
 sands of little weeds spring up and choke off the 
 growth of the roses so that they wither and lose 
 their loveliness little by little. Now, if you will 
 only recognize the little sins and pull them up 
 every day you will be in condition, if the great 
 one comes, to hew it down with the sharp battle- 
 axe of religious strength, so that it will not hurt 
 you. 
 
A GirVs Religious Life 
 
 8i 
 
 A LIVING FAITH 
 
 What I want to make you understand, my dear 
 girls, is that yours is a faith to live by, as well as 
 to die by. It is a faith that will send forth beau- 
 tiful blossoms of love and consideration, will make 
 sweet your daily walks, and it is only when you 
 make it a living faith that it is worth while. I do 
 not wish to seem to underrate repentance, even if 
 it be at the last hour, but I want you to dis- 
 tinctly understand that the beautiful life dedi- 
 cated to God, lived out in His honor, certainly 
 does more for the world at large than the mere 
 giving to Him of one’s self at the very end. I 
 wish I could tell you more plainly what I think 
 comes from a living faith. It seems to me that it 
 must make all the words spoken sweet, all the 
 looks kindly, and all the actions unselfish, and 
 yet with it all there must be so much of humanity 
 in you that you never once suggest to the other 
 girls that you are anything but the most agreeable 
 girl they know, and the best one. I wouldn’t 
 have you a hypocrite for the world ; I would not 
 have you assume any virtue that you do not pos- 
 sess, but I am more than anxious that you should 
 get so close to every virtue that it will become a 
 part of you, and that your life will be a picture of 
 perfect faith as shown by works. 
 
 6 
 
82 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 WHEN HOPE SEEMS GONE 
 
 There comes to every one of us a time when 
 life seems full of darkness, and all the asking for 
 light remains unanswered. There comes a time 
 when everything we do is darkened, when hope 
 seems gone, and life itself is made up only of the 
 dark and dreary times. These days always come 
 with the greatest intensity to the girl who is most 
 enthusiastic and most emotional. And these are 
 the times when she needs to pray continually for 
 help to hold on to her belief. Sometimes this 
 condition comes from purely physical reasons, 
 again from mental ones ; sometimes one is so 
 tired with working and seeing no apparent result, 
 and, again, one grows weary of calling for help 
 and apparently getting none. The wisest girl 
 once in awhile grows weary in well-doing. Un- 
 belief walks like a skeleton everywhere. 
 
 The true faith may be yours, it may be mine. 
 The good Samaritan had it, for he took care of the 
 poor and the sick and asked no questions. It is 
 the faith that makes men and women live better 
 lives, do more good in the world, and teaches them 
 to let their own lives be the lanterns to guide the 
 doubting over the troublesome path. Are you 
 going to let the world scoff at your faith ? Are 
 you going to let it be only the spoken and not the 
 
A GirVs Religious Life 83 
 
 active belief? Or are you going to let people see 
 how happy and how good it is to have such a faith, 
 by letting them [see how happy, how good, how 
 loving, and how charitable, your own life is ? Un- 
 less you mean to do this, to try to do this, you 
 will never convince anyone that you have the 
 true faith. You will never convince anyone that 
 yours is the true faith when you attack every 
 other. 
 
 In the Talmud is the story of the many pilgrims 
 who came to the gate of a great city ; each was 
 hungry and thirsty, each spoke in a different lan- 
 guage and said one word. They looked angrily at 
 each other, and it almost seemed as if they were 
 coming to blows, when the keeper of the gate 
 sent for an interpreter. He listened to each one, 
 smiled, and said : Give them grapes, each in 
 
 his own tongue has asked for them.’^ Peace was 
 restored and they became friends. Now, each of 
 us in our way is trying to get to the Kingdom 
 of Heaven ; each of us may take a different mode 
 of expression, but as we know what the desire of 
 each is, shall we scoff at the mode of speaking ? 
 My dear girls, respect the belief of every human 
 being, no matter how different it may be from your 
 own, for it is God, not you, who will judge of the 
 right and the wrong. 
 
THE SMALL FAULTS OF GIRLS 
 
 |HEY can only be compared to the little 
 foxes. You have a beautiful bunch of 
 grapes, perfect in shape, exquisite in 
 bloom, looking as if they must be lus- 
 cious and sweet, and you pick one, expecting great 
 pleasure, but it sets your teeth on an edge, and 
 you discover that at its very heart it has been bit- 
 ten by two sharp little teeth, and in consequence 
 it is not at all pleasant to the taste. So, very 
 many times, is it with the character of the young 
 girl. There may be about her everything that is 
 charming; she may appear agreeable, attractive, 
 and amiable, but, suddenly, something occurs, 
 some little thing is said or done, and you discover 
 that the mental little foxes have bitten at and taken 
 away from her perfection. In many cases a watch- 
 ful mother sees that the little foxes do not come 
 near her daughter, but quite as often the watching 
 for them and the being careful that they are not per- 
 mitted to come near one must be the work of the 
 
The Small Faults of Girls 85 
 
 girl herself. These small faults are at first trouble- 
 some to get rid of, but when the effect that they 
 have upon the character is realized, and it is seen 
 how quickly they grow from mere faults to abso- 
 lute sins, surely a girl will take all the care possi- 
 ble and not only discover them for herself, but 
 hate them and conquer them. 
 
 THE SIN OF SILENCE 
 
 Usually much is said about speech being silver 
 and silence golden, and yet there are times when 
 silence itself is a sin. If someone you know is 
 being talked about, spoken of maliciously, and all 
 her faults discussed, what is your duty ? This : 
 To think up something about her that is good, 
 and to mention it so distinctly that all the talkers 
 will be shamed out of hunting for her faults and 
 will begin to look for her virtues. Very often you 
 set your lips tight and resolve not to say a word 
 against anybody, and then you think you have 
 done your duty. But you haven’t. A persistent 
 silence in leaving undone that which you ought to 
 have done has been your fault, and that means 
 committing a sin of omission. Speak, and speak 
 quickly and honestly, never hesitating to tell of 
 the virtues belonging even to your enemies, be- 
 cause, after all, it is a mean thing merely to keep 
 silent ] and it is a great thing to control one’s self 
 
86 
 
 Side Talks with Girls. 
 
 so that one may speak well of those for whom one 
 does not care. 
 
 Of the sin of speech you girls all know. It is 
 the unnecessary word of fault-finding. It is seeing 
 and speaking of people’s faults, rather than search- 
 ing out and proclaiming their virtues. It is being 
 willing to make people unhappy by nasty little 
 speeches that may seem clever, but are really rude. 
 It is saying what you ought not to say. It is al- 
 lowing free license to your speech. In time as 
 the result you will get so that you will even look 
 for the disagreeable traits among your friends and 
 those whom you love, and you will speak as quickly 
 about them as about utter strangers. Irrespective 
 of the wrong that you do, how long will you re- 
 tain any friendships worth having? Men and 
 women both are afraid of the young woman who 
 makes unkind speeches, and so I beg of you watch 
 carefully that the sin of speech does not overcome 
 you, and rule that organ which should be divine, 
 the tongue. 
 
 SINS OF MANNER 
 
 In your manner you can commit sin. Some- 
 body has just been introduced to you, and instead 
 of bowing pleasantly, you give a stiff, haughty nod 
 that makes a shy woman feel uncomfortable and 
 causes her to have anything but a pleasant opinion 
 of you. In your home you come into the dining- 
 
The Small Faults of Girls 
 
 87 
 
 room late for a meal, throw yourself carelessly into 
 a chair, and as you eat the semi-cold dishes, you 
 sulk and refuse to speak to anybody. When you 
 are asked to help a little in the household, you 
 start to do it by banging the door and giving poor 
 work because your heart is not in it, and you 
 make everybody about you uncomfortable by your 
 disagreeable manner. Some one comes in to see 
 your mother, some old friend, and she wishes to 
 present you to her. You toss your head, curl your 
 lips, don’t want to go, but at last yield, principally 
 from curiosity. Probably the lady you meet is 
 not very finely dressed, nor can she chatter about 
 social affairs as you like your friends to, but that 
 doesn’t excuse your speaking to her in the stiffest 
 manner and making her feel anything but com- 
 fortable. 
 
 ONE OF YOUR SINS 
 
 If one of your pet sins is to sulk I will tell you 
 what to do. As pleasantly as you can ask your 
 mother to excuse you for a little while ; then go 
 to your own room and sit in front of your look- 
 ing-glass. Watch your face and see how ugly it 
 grows when you yield to this sin. I am sure that 
 in a very little while you will be down on your 
 knees asking God to help you, and making to Him 
 a promise to do all that you can to help your- 
 self. Another ugly fault, and one which is of 
 
88 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 manner, consists in finding nothing to your liking. 
 Of course, you display this fault at the home table 
 most prominently, but when you are visiting you 
 make your hostess feel uncomfortable, although 
 you don’t say a word, by refusing everything on 
 the table except bread and butter and tea. Now, 
 my dear, unless you learn to avoid this sin of 
 manner, you should eat by yourself at home and 
 not be permitted to go visiting. 
 
 SINS OF DISRESPECT 
 
 You think that respect is only necessary to your 
 father and mother, and yet it is absolutely due to 
 whoever is older than you, whoever is greater, 
 and whoever is better. Flippant speeches and 
 carelessness of manner simply stamp you as being 
 very ignorant. Fancy making an old lady a sub- 
 ject of jest as I heard a girl doing not long ago ! 
 It happened to be true that she was odd, that she 
 dressed much too young for her years, and that 
 she seemed to forget that she was no longer a 
 young woman ; still, no matter what she did, that 
 did not excuse the light criticisms that were passed 
 upon her. And you and I, my friend, are just as 
 likely to be foolish when we are old. There were 
 many good things in this old lady’s life ; to many 
 a young girl had she given a pretty party dress, 
 and nothing pleased her so much as to collect 
 
The Small Faults of Girls 
 
 89 
 
 young people about her and make them have a 
 good time. But this girl who was making fun of 
 her forgot the kindness and only remembered the 
 little follies, reversing the judgment that would be 
 passed upon her at the last great day. 
 
 You are lacking in respect to a clerg)unan when 
 you go to church and do not pay proper attention 
 to his sermon. You are lacking in respect to your 
 hostess when, having provided some good music 
 for your pleasure, you leave the room, sit on the 
 staircase, and chatter with a group of young peo- 
 ple quite as disrespectful as yourself. You are 
 very rude if you permit yourself, by spreading out 
 your draperies, to occupy two seats in a car, and 
 permit an old gentleman to stand. You think 
 that these are little faults ; so they are, but the 
 specks upon the grape where the sharp little teeth 
 entered were almost invisible. 
 
 SINS OF EXTRAVAGANCE 
 
 There are more ways of being extravagant than 
 by spending money. Extravagance of speech is a 
 common fault among young girls. Something is 
 seen and when it is described later on it would 
 scarcely be recognized by any other looker-on. 
 Extravagant words have been used, the situation 
 has been made dramatic, and what was an ordi- 
 nary, every-day occurrence is, by your extravagant 
 
90 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 language, made to seem a something of great im- 
 portance. After awhile this habit grows upon 
 you, and your friends laughingly say, If you want 
 to be amused listen to Florence ; if you want the 
 absolute truth of the affair ask somebody else.^^ 
 Extravagance in dress very often means im- 
 proper dressing — over - dressing. Possibly you 
 kept the greater part of your money and with it 
 bought a fine silk frock, only fitted for evening or 
 visiting wear, and yet, after it has seen a little 
 service, you are forced to go to business in it. 
 What you ought to have done was to get a smart- 
 looking woollen gown, and then, when the time 
 came for it to be used for every-day wear, it 
 would have been quite proper. Think, if you are 
 among the butterflies, whether you are not ex- 
 travagant in urging those who love you best to 
 give you pieces of jewelry which they really can- 
 not afford and which are utterly unsuited to the 
 life you live. Many a business man can trace his 
 downfall to the diamond ear-rings for which wife 
 or daughter begged so hard. And then a woman 
 is seldom satisfied with just one bit of prettiness. 
 So, my dear girl, unless you know your father can 
 afford it, do not even hint to him that you would 
 like a bracelet, or a locket, or a brooch, but make 
 yourself look as charming as possible in the sim- 
 plest way, and then if dark days should ever come 
 you will have nothing with which to blame yourself. 
 
The Small Faults of Girls 
 
 91 
 
 SINS OF THOUGHTLESSNESS 
 
 A very good motto to put up in your bedroom 
 in bright red letters is this : Evil is wrought by 
 
 want of thought/' Yes, it is, but that is no ex- 
 cuse for it. You are a thinking human being, 
 and you have no right when you have done 
 wrong to excuse it by saying you didn't think 
 about it. It is your business in life to think. 
 You were rude, your manner was not perfect, and 
 the words you said were evidences of ill-temper ; 
 thoughtlessness will not pardon any of these. It 
 always seems to me as if it were the weakest of all 
 reasons, that one of lack of thought. It is equiv- 
 alent to saying that you've no brain. You are 
 asked by your mother to dust the parlor ; it isn't 
 done, and when, later in the day, you find her 
 busy at it and know that she is so tired she ought 
 to be resting at this time, what a poor reason it is 
 for you to give as an explanation of your neglect, 
 
 I got to talking and didn't think." 
 
 You are asked by an employer to carefully 
 watch a certain account and to see that there are 
 no errors. At first you do with much enthusiasm ; 
 then, without exactly fonnulating the idea, you 
 let it alone. Some day there is a great error ; it 
 means a loss of much money, and when you are 
 reminded of what you were asked to do, isn't this 
 
92 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 a poor excuse for not having attended to your 
 duty: I looked carefully after everything else, 
 
 but lately I haven’t given a thought to that ” ? 
 
 You hear a bit of gossip, you repeat it to your 
 best friend. It goes around the circle and event- 
 ually you are forced to face it again. Then the 
 woman about whom it was asks you why, and it 
 seems a mean, low reason when you say : Well, 
 
 It was told to me and I never gave a thought to 
 there being any harm in repeating it. ’ ’ So you 
 see what may be wrought by thoughtlessness. 
 The shrug of the shoulder, the curl of the lip when 
 someone else is referred to may, on your part, 
 mean very little, but when they are described and 
 much stress laid upon them, the impression is that 
 you know a great deal that you haven’t told. 
 What you did was done from thoughtlessness; 
 that is your excuse. But this is absolutely true, 
 one can easier battle with something that is pre- 
 meditated than with something that is done in so- 
 called thoughtlessness. 
 
 SINS OF JEALOUSY 
 
 These are very mean sins. They make you 
 undervalue your friends. They make you say 
 petty, mean things, and they cause to grow in 
 your heart a poisonous green plant which is bitter 
 to the taste and which is called envy. You are 
 
The Small Faults of Girls 
 
 93 
 
 jealous of somebody’s beautiful looks. Beautiful 
 looks, my child, do not last forever, but beauty 
 of manner will cling to one all one’s life. You 
 are unhappy because somebody’s clothes are finer 
 than yours ; keep yours sweet and neat, try and 
 forget about outer garments, go out in the sun- 
 shine, and you will realize that in life she who 
 wears beautiful clothes gets very little more pleas- 
 ure, no more sunshine, and no more keen appre- 
 ciation of everything than you do in your simple, 
 suitable frock. 
 
 You are jealous because somebody is spoken of 
 as a fine musician, whereas you can only play the 
 accompaniments, while your brothers and sisters 
 sing the songs that all of them like. Perhaps the 
 girl who is such an artist in music may be unfort- 
 unate enough not to have brothers and sisters ; 
 so you must think about your blessings, think 
 over what you have that she doesn’t possess, and 
 make yourself happy. If you allow jealousy to 
 take possession of you, you will not only be a 
 very unhappy girl, but you will make everybody 
 around you dislike you, and surely you don’t 
 want that to happen ? 
 
 THESE EVERY-DAY FAULTS 
 
 I know every one of my girls can think of some 
 other little fault, one that is peculiar to herself. 
 
94 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 Now, I want her to represent the perfect speci- 
 men of girlhood, just as the perfect grape is the 
 finest of fruits, satisfying the thirst, the taste, and 
 the eyes. But, my dear girls, if you want to be 
 this you must pull out the little faults as you 
 would the weeds from a garden. Pull them so 
 carefully that they cannot come back, and in 
 their place sow the seed of the beautitul flowers 
 that represent the virtues. Then you will be 
 happier, better, and more lovable, and it will 
 make life sweeter for everybody around you. And 
 behold, some day, taking you in her arms, your 
 mother will tell you that the brightness and good 
 cheer in the house are due to you and your virt- 
 ues. She may, perhaps, remind you of that 
 time when you weren’t as wise as you are now, 
 and be sure she will congratulate you on your 
 victory over the little faults of every-day life. 
 After this it is so easy to conquer big faults ; they 
 stand out so prominently, having no little ones to 
 excuse them, that you see them and control them. 
 You get them well in grasp and master them, 
 and in time, you, my girl, by your own efforts, 
 will become ‘‘a perfect woman nobly planned.’’ 
 
WHAT SHALL A GIRL READ? 
 
 jY dearest comrade, my chosen friend is 
 the girl who loves to read. I am 
 thankful that there are so many of 
 her. Her voice comes crying from 
 the wilderness, ‘‘What shall I read?” And I, 
 sitting among my books, feel that in my own way 
 I must answer her question. But first I want to 
 tell her how to read. She must not attempt a 
 book that does not interest her. It may be true 
 that she has taken it up because she has expected 
 it to improve her, but that will never happen un- 
 less heart and brain alike are working on the 
 thoughts bound between the covers. Mere read- 
 ing by the eyes is of no value, we may read page 
 after page and then put the book down and find 
 that we know nothing whatever about it. 
 
 The book that is a friend to me may be a 
 stupid, tiresome acquaintance to another, there- 
 fore no one person can say what will interest the 
 other. In the last few years there have been in 
 
96 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 numerable lists of the hundred best books, and I 
 feel that I may say that they are as useless as a ♦ 
 worn-out blotter, for they only express the opin- 
 ion of one person. So I will not tell my girls 
 what books they ought to read, but I will tell 
 them of the books I love, and which I hope they 
 will learn to love. 
 
 WHAT TO READ 
 
 Even if one could live the time allotted to the 
 good man it would be impossible to read every- 
 thing. The girl who is reading for a special pur- 
 pose is, I may mention, not the girl to whom I 
 am talking. My girl is the one who, busy either 
 in the home or outside of it, is able to devote only 
 a certain time to reading, and wants to get pleas- 
 ure and benefit from books. 
 
 The girl who is able to speak French and Ger- 
 man, and to read both easily, very contemptu- 
 ously says, Never read a translation.” Now 
 she is wrong. To-day there are extremely good 
 translations of foreign authors in the market, and 
 it would be very unwise to lose the reading of a 
 good book because you have to take it in English 
 rather than in its native tongue. Read books that 
 are adapted to your moods ; take a merry book 
 when you are sad, but make it one of those merry 
 books in which the wit does not sting and hurt 
 
]Vhat Shall a Girl Read? 
 
 97 
 
 the heart, and be very careful to avoid those most 
 undesirable books that presume to jest at sacred 
 things. 
 
 THE WAY TO READ 
 
 First of all thinkingly. I know there is no 
 such word in the dictionary, but what I say cov- 
 ers what I mean ; let your eyes, mind, and heart 
 become absorbed until you feel that you are of the 
 people about whom you are reading, or else that 
 you are arguing with the author as to his opinions. 
 Don’t be afraid to be ignorant. And the very 
 first word which is not absolutely clear to you 
 attach to your vocabulary by looking it out in 
 the dictionary. Learn also to forget — to forget 
 the wrong that you may have stumbled across and 
 to forget the book that has made you unhappy. 
 Last year when I was ill I had a book experience 
 that taught me much. A friend came in and 
 brought a book, which at that time was being 
 talked about and reviewed, and in which she 
 thought I would be interested. I read it through 
 very carefully — with this result, that every pain 
 I had grew worse, the entire world seemed against 
 me, there was a black cloud across the sun, all the 
 people were unhappy, and there was no promise 
 of improvement in the future. 
 
 The next day some old novels were brought to 
 me, and when the friend who had brought the 
 
98 
 
 Side Talks with Girts 
 
 black book came to me she said, How much 
 better you look ! I am sure you liked that book,’’ 
 and I answered, No, take it away. If I could 
 I would burn every copy of it. If I look better 
 to-day it is because I am living in the days of chiv- 
 alry; I am seeing the romance of the French 
 court ; I am bowing down before Louis XIV. , and 
 I am happy to read about the daring deeds of the 
 Mousquetaires, and how their cry was always ^ For 
 the king and for the ladies.’ ” 
 
 Oh,” she said, you are only reading a nov- 
 el ’ ’ And I then confess to stealing a quotation 
 from Jane Austen : 
 
 ‘ Only a novel,’ ” I said ; ^ it is only Ce- 
 
 cilia,” or Camilla,” or Belinda,” or, in short, 
 only some work in which the greatest powers of 
 the mind are displayed, in which the most thor- 
 ough knowledge of human nature, the happiest de- 
 lineations of its variety, the liveliest effusions of 
 wit and humor are conveyed to the world in the 
 best language.’ ” 
 
 SOME TRANSLATED BOOKS 
 
 For the girl who loves to read I do not advise 
 all translations, but there are very many which are 
 good. If you are interested in France you can 
 choose all the novels of the elder Dumas ; that 
 wonderful story of life, ’93/* written by Victor 
 Hugo, and also Les Miserables.” Then you 
 
IVhat Shall a Girl Read ? 
 
 99 
 
 may take up Daudet’s earlier novels and get a 
 glimpse of life during the time of Louis Napoleon. 
 France will become so close to you that just here 
 will fit in Dickens's Tale of Two Cities/' and 
 then while your heart is full of the heroism of a 
 man, you will elect to read a new and very full life 
 of the martyrdom of Marie Antoinette. It is a 
 new life of the queen written by Maxime de La 
 Rocheterie. There you will not only find de- 
 scriptions of the beautiful women of that day, but 
 you will see pictures of all those who were famous 
 either by their virtue or by their wickedness. A 
 book with pictures is always doubly interesting, 
 and I fancy my girls are like me in that respect. 
 To gain a better knowledge of the women of the 
 French courts read all the books written by Im- 
 bert de St. Armand. He begins by writing about 
 the women of the Valois, and goes right through 
 to the time when Josephine won friends for Napo- 
 leon by her sweetness and her loyalty, and even 
 later. Having got so far you may choose Car- 
 lyle's French Revolution," but if you find it 
 stupid drop it, for if it tires you it will be of no 
 use to you. 
 
 Ah," says my girl, you are mixing novels 
 and history, Ruth Ashmore." 
 
 So I am, but that is the way I believe in read- 
 ing. When you read let it be first of all for pleas- 
 ure and then for profit. 
 
lOO 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 TO VISIT FOREIGN LANDS 
 
 If you want to visit Italy, the home of art, the 
 land of beauty, the country that is like a wondrous 
 old book, you must get the novels of Italian life 
 written by Marion Crawford ; they will show 
 you pictures of the Italy of to-day, and in them 
 you will also find descriptions of famous pictures 
 and palaces that will make you hunt for yourself 
 the books that will touch upon the subjects in 
 which you have grown to have an interest. You 
 will read Mrs. Piozzi's Glimpses of Italian So- 
 ciety in the Eighteenth Century.’’ You will find 
 yourself searching out for the lives of the popes, 
 and of the pagans as well, until some day you will 
 discover that you want to possess, that you may 
 look at it often, the book of that Christian Pagan, 
 
 The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius.” 
 
 Russia, with its mystery and awfulness, is a 
 country that you long to know about. Then you 
 must take up The Midnight Sun ; or. The Tsar 
 and the Nihilist,” by Buckley. You will read 
 Kennan on Siberia, and Stepniak, as he writes 
 about the Russian peasantry ; then you will give 
 a jump away back and read the life of Catherine 
 the Great, and so will understand why Russia has 
 become what it is. I do not advise you to read 
 the Russian novels of to-day. 
 
IVhat Shall a Girl Read? 
 
 lOI 
 
 England is so near to us, and her books are so 
 many, that no girl will have trouble in finding 
 them, but as she reads English history let her take 
 with it Agnes Strickland’s Lives of the Queens 
 of England,” those poems of Austin Dobson’s 
 that belong to certain eras, and the comedies and 
 tragedies not only of Shakespeare, but of those old 
 writers who to-day furnish ideas for modern play- 
 wrights. 
 
 THE GOOD NOVEL 
 
 But some of you have so little time that you 
 cannot read any histories but must find relaxation 
 in the good novel alone. By the good novel I 
 mean the one that, written in good English, tells 
 an interesting story, has a distinct plot, and ends 
 happily. The novel is the comedy of the library ; 
 it should bring pleasure ; it may cause tears, but 
 as the tears course down your cheek they should 
 mark the place where the dimple is to form for the 
 laughter. First of all Thackeray, and then Dick- 
 ens. When you read Henry Esmond” and 
 the Virginians ” you will get a good picture of 
 life in America when it was called the Colo- 
 nies.” When you read The Newcomes ” you 
 will meet and be thankful for the acquaintance of 
 one of God’s noblemen — a Christian gentleman. 
 You will like John Halifax, Gentleman.” You 
 will probably drift to the books of Walter Besant, 
 
102 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 the man who draws pictures of life as it is to-day 
 and life as it ought to be. And then if you want 
 a weird but intensely interesting book, you may 
 take Crawford's Witch of Prague," and for a 
 while every-day life will go from you and you 
 will be living in a city that is always old and 
 which will never grow new. 
 
 NOVELS OF ADVENTURE 
 
 If you like adventure read the books of Rider 
 Haggard, and follow them up, if you possibly can, 
 with a history and a geography. If you like 
 stories that hinge around a crime and show how 
 by tiny clews and great ingenuity the criminal is 
 discovered and the innocent proved free of sin, 
 read the translated books of Gabor iau, of Boisgo- 
 bey, and of that clever English writer, A. Conan 
 Doyle. If you want an absolutely merry time 
 take up the books of the man to whom I owe a 
 never-ending debt of gratitude for the pleasure he 
 has given me. I mean Jerome K. Jerome. After 
 you have laughed at the adventures of the Three 
 Men in a Boat," delighted in the pranks of that 
 wise dog Montmorenci, you will discover that in 
 with the story you have read is a wonderful de- 
 scription of historic England as it is found going 
 up the Thames. And when you take up the 
 
 History of a Pilgrimage " you will find you are 
 
IVhat Shall a Girl Read? 103 
 
 reading not only one of the most beautiful de- 
 scriptions of the Passion Play, but the tender 
 story of the Man who came and died for you and 
 for me — died in suffering and in shame. If you 
 love short stories read Marse Chan and Other 
 Stories,'' by Thomas Nelson Page. Take ‘‘ Gal- 
 legher " and Van Bibber," by Richard Hard- 
 ing Davis, and when you have finished reading 
 them you will save up your money to buy those 
 two books, because you will want to enroll them 
 among your friends. Kipling ? Well, yes. Cer- 
 tainly Plain Tales from the Hills." And for 
 a good picture of Indian life, The Potter's 
 Thumb," by Mrs. Steel. Then, too, you must, 
 for the sake of the fun, as well as the pictures of 
 old New York, read all of Janvier's, beginning 
 with his inimitable Color Studies." 
 
 AMONG THE POETS 
 
 You will tell me that you have read all the 
 standard poets. If you have lingered with de- 
 light over Childe Harold" you should read 
 Moore's Life of Byron." With Shelley's poems 
 you should combine the story of his life as written 
 by his dear friend Trevelyan, who is buried close 
 beside him in the English cemetery at Rome. 
 
 Do you see how I want you to read ? I want 
 you to make one book connect with another until 
 
104 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 you have gained a thorough knowledge of the 
 writer, his environment, and his friends, and 
 have seen the reason for the existence of his 
 works. You should read Austin Dobson, and Sir 
 Edwin Arnold, choosing especially his shorter 
 poems, and Thomas Bailey Aldrich. You will 
 probably have a marked copy of Owen Meredith’s 
 Lucile,” and I hope, my dear girl, one also of 
 that greatest poem ever written by a woman, 
 Aurora Leigh.” You will learn to love Tom 
 Hood. Whittier will appeal to your quiet hours, 
 and so will Adelaide Procter. There is a writer 
 of to-day who is a never-ceasing pleasure to me, 
 and I think he will be to you. Through long 
 nights of sleeplessness I have had his poems and 
 his stories read to me, and one night when noth- 
 ing would quiet pain, it was forgotten for a few 
 minutes as I listened to the description of ^^The 
 Hush-a-by Lady from Lullaby Street.” That 
 this writer is an American and of to-day makes 
 me glad, and I am sure it will you. Of course, 
 you know I mean Eugene Field. His Little 
 Book of Profitable Tales ” and its companion, the 
 ‘^Little Book of Western Verse,” will bring hap- 
 piness and pleasure even where there is despair 
 and pain. 
 
JVhat Shall a Girl Read? 
 
 los 
 
 THE RELIGIOUS BOOK 
 
 I think we have to find out each for himself the 
 books that appeal to our souls. I am not a great 
 believer in the so-called religious books. I can 
 recommend only those I know about. First of all 
 the Bible, then Thomas a Kempis, then the old- 
 fashioned Hymns, Ancient and Modern,’’ and 
 Mrs. Ewing’s stories. With these an old copy o^ 
 
 Solomon’s Prayer for Wisdom,” and beside it, 
 printed on a piece of parchment. Cardinal New- 
 man’s great prayer in verse, ^^Lead, Kindly 
 Light.” 
 
 I hope that this little talk about books will 
 make my girls more interested in them and more 
 anxious to make their acquaintance. They are 
 friends that never fail us ; they never deceive, 
 they never gossip, nor can we ever find them lack- 
 ing in any of the virtues. Just as long as there 
 are books in the world we can live in the very 
 finest society ; we can be worldly and courteous 
 with Lord Chesterfield j we can be gay at Little 
 Trianon with Marie Antoinette ; we can be pow- 
 erful and rule Russia with the great Catherine; 
 we can be diplomatic with Richelieu, and best of 
 all we can live in our books that old, old story of 
 hope, of suffering, and of love, the story which 
 has been the key-note to every book that ever was 
 
io6 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 written. The best way I can end this little talk 
 is by quoting Mrs. Browning : 
 
 “We get no good 
 By being ungenerous, even to a book, 
 
 And calculating profits — so much help 
 By so much reading. It is rather when 
 We gloriously forget ourselves, and plunge 
 Soul-forward, headlong, into a book’s profound, 
 Impassioned for its beauty and salt of truth — 
 
 *Tis then we get the right good from a book.” 
 
THE GIRL WHO USES SLANG 
 
 WONDER how many times my girls 
 are slangy? I wonder if they ever 
 think what a lack of refinement is 
 shown in being slangy in word, dress, 
 or manner ? I wonder if they ever think how 
 this much-to-be-deplored slanginess affects the 
 listener and the looker-on ? I cannot believe that 
 any of them think this out, and so I am going to 
 preach a little sermon about slang. The first step 
 down on the very quick descent of bad manners 
 is shown in the use of it. Commencing with the 
 mere words of slang soon, very soon, a general 
 degeneration in the girl herself may be noticed. 
 A girl may claim that she uses slang in a joking 
 way ; she may just at first, but commenced as a 
 bit of fun it gets to be, like all bad habits, difficult 
 to overcome. 
 
 The American girl is bright, cultivated, and re- 
 fined ; she is pretty and interesting, and yet when 
 you hear her say, as many a one does every day 
 
io8 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 of her life, about a book, or a song, or a play, or 
 somebody’s manner, Oh, I caught on to it,” 
 or about something of which she was tired, some- 
 thing that wearied her, ‘^Oh, I’ll give it the 
 shake,” or of somebody who was very quick 
 in manner or perception, ‘^Oh, ain’t he fly?” 
 what would you think of her and what does the 
 world conclude about her ? 
 
 THE WAY SHE USES SLANG 
 
 You ask her if she knows something and she 
 responds, You bet ! ” You ask her if she en- 
 joyed herself at some place and she answers, Like 
 a streak ! ” If she starts to tell you a story she 
 would possibly be surprised to be told that she 
 uses slang. She does not know where she gets it 
 herself. Nobody ever does know. She sees no 
 harm in it. There is no use of profane or unclean 
 words, and yet this slangy mode of speech is the lit- 
 tle rift within the lute that, by and by, will make 
 all the music of the fine womanly conversation not 
 mute, but drowned in a hubbub of loud sounds 
 and common words. The girl who continually 
 uses slang as naturally elevates her voice as she 
 breathes ; she does this because she wants to give 
 the full effect of her mode of speech, or, as she 
 says, Give everybody a chance to catch on.” 
 
 In the great world of to-day it would seem as 
 
The Girl IVho Uses Slang 
 
 109 
 
 if there were plenty of girls with brains, plenty 
 of entertaining girls, plenty of pretty girls, but 
 can you tell me how many girls you know whose 
 words, dress, and manners are perfectly refined ? 
 I know that it is said that the various reformers 
 see no charm in the woman who is conspicuous by 
 her quiet manner, sweet voice, and good English, 
 and yet she is the woman who is a power where 
 the slangy girl receives absolutely no recognition. 
 Good English is not difficult to speak. It does 
 not mean words of many syllables. The very 
 best is that wherein the shortest and simplest 
 words are used. 
 
 WHAT YOU MUST DO 
 
 % 
 
 I do not want my girl to be slangy. So now I 
 am going to make a little suggestion : Suppose 
 you take a sheet of paper and a pencil, put on 
 your thinking-cap and then write down the vari- 
 ous slang words you are in the habit of using, and 
 I am sure you will be surprised when you see 
 them in black and white. You have not realized 
 that you are a slave to slang. But having dis- 
 covered the power of the enemy half the battle is 
 fought. Now just take to fining yourself each time 
 you use a word of slang, and then give your fines 
 to something or somebody to whom you do not 
 wish to be generous. You will be a bit surprised 
 
no 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 when you see how quickly you will stop using the 
 objectionable language, and how easy it is, after 
 all, to express all that you want to say in pure 
 English. 
 
 Then, too, just think how ridiculous slang 
 words would make certain situations in life. You 
 are fond of that pretty play called The Lady of 
 Lyons — fancy, after Claude Melnotte has made 
 his beautiful avowal of love — one of the most 
 perfectly expressed and exquisite word-pictures in 
 the English language — ^just fancy Pauline looking 
 up into his face and meeting his question by say- 
 ing, should smile !*' Imagine, if you can, 
 when Richelieu, to protect Julie, draws around her 
 form the awful circle of our solemn Church,’* 
 and causes the villains who are pursuing her to 
 recognize the power of the cardinal as well as the 
 purity of the girl — imagine Julie turning and say- 
 ing, Well, we got there ! ” Now there are times 
 when your slang sounds just as ridiculous as this, 
 and without considering the other bad effect it has 
 on you, it makes you appear silly and undignified. 
 
 SLANG IN DRESS 
 
 A puzzled girl says : How can I be slangy in 
 
 my dress? ” I’ll tell you, and then you can see 
 whether you are or not. The girl who, because 
 lace frills are fashionable, has her frills wider than 
 
The Girl IVho Uses Slang 
 
 111 
 
 anybody else, who accentuates the width of her 
 skirts, the brim of her hat, who, because pink 
 roses are fashionable, has the greatest number of 
 pink roses and those deepest in tone, this girl is 
 slangy in dress. She is the girl whose dress tires 
 your eyes as you look at it. She is the girl who, 
 the very minute she enters a room, makes you 
 conscious of her presence by the noise of her 
 skirts, and who gives you an overpowering sense 
 of her having too much to wear. That is one 
 type. 
 
 Another is the girl, who, seizing the jaunty 
 fashion of cloth skirts, soft blouses, and pretty 
 jackets, makes it slangy by having the soft blouse; 
 developed into a loud, stiff shirt, and the jackef; 
 made to look as much like a man^s coat as possi- 
 ble. With this she wears a masculine tie, a stiff 
 plain hat, and, unconsciously, she assumes the man- 
 ners of a man. But as she is not a man she does 
 not succeed in this, and the consequence is that 
 she appears to you as being neither a feminine 
 woman nor a manly boy. Dress has its influence 
 over everybody, and girls who are slangily 
 dressed, that is, who go to extremes in any style 
 of dressing, certainly become exaggerated in their 
 manners and speech. 
 
1 12 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 WITH THE EYES OF A MAN 
 
 A young woman I knew, who affected this mas- 
 culine get-up, was so pretty that it seemed a 
 shame, and a gentleman ventured to expostulate 
 with her, telling her that she was so charming as a 
 woman that she ought not to try to look like a 
 poor imitation of a man. His words were met by 
 a prolonged whistle, and this reply, which was un- 
 answerable, Oh, but it is so tart ! '' This same 
 young woman was invited to a dinner - party. 
 She announced that she intended to make a sen- 
 sation by her costume, and it was generally be- 
 lieved that she was going to appear in some very 
 beautiful gown. Imagine the horror of the host- 
 ess when she entered the drawing-room in a black 
 broadcloth skirt that fitted her figure closely. 
 With this she wore an evening shirt, a black waist- 
 coat, cut low to show the expanse of white linen, 
 and a black dress-coat. Her shirt-buttons were 
 white enamel ones, so were the links in her cuffs, 
 and her tie of white lawn was arranged after the 
 fashion affected by men in the evening. After she 
 went away the son of the hostess said to his 
 mother, Never invite that girl to the house 
 again. No woman with the least refinement 
 would, even for a jest, appear dressed in that 
 manner.’^ The mother gave a sigh of relief and 
 
The Girl Who Uses Slang 
 
 113 
 
 said, My dear boy, I am so glad to hear you 
 say that. She is so bright and witty and the 
 men all seem to admire her so much that I was 
 afraid you would not look at her dress with the 
 eyes of a woman.” No,” he answered, I am 
 not looking at it with the eyes of a woman, I am 
 looking at it with the eyes of a man, and to a 
 man it is a thousand times more offensive than it 
 would be to a woman.” Will you just think this 
 over a little bit and conclude whether you are 
 slangy in your dress ? 
 
 WITH YOUR FRIENDS 
 
 How long do you suppose you will keep women 
 who are refined and intelligent and womanly as 
 friends if you are boisterous, loud, and slangy ? 
 Gradually these friends and acquaintances will slip 
 away, and you will discover that, instead of the 
 people who had at one time a deep interest in 
 you, you are surrounded by those whose manners 
 are quite as bad, if not worse than your own, and 
 who only regard you as somebody who affords 
 them great fun.” It will come home to yon 
 some day and hurt you when you realize that the 
 girls you liked visit you no longer. After awhile 
 they will begin to bow coolly to you and perhaps 
 not recognize you at all. Wise mothers do not 
 
 care to surround their daughters with objectionable 
 8 
 
Side Talks with Girls 
 
 114 
 
 friends. It will annoy you at first to think that 
 you are counted one of these, but after awhile you 
 will assume an air of bravado and say that you 
 don’t care. But you will be telling an untruth, 
 for you do care. There is no woman who does not 
 like to think that she has real friends — friends who 
 love and admire her, and who are loyal to her. 
 The slangy girl may have hundreds of acquaint- 
 ances, but she will never get these thoughtless 
 people interested in her so that she will be com- 
 pensated for the loss of a friend who would have 
 stood by her through sorrow and through joy. 
 
 SLANG IN MANNERS 
 
 The girl who is slangy in her manner is the girl 
 who commenced by being slangy in her speech, 
 and who is to-day the worst specimen of bad 
 manners in existence. Carelessness in speech has 
 brought this about. She sees no use for the pretty 
 courtesies of every-day life ; she doesn’t care to be 
 treated like a lady, because she wants to be ‘ ‘ one 
 of the boys.” She likes to call herself a jolly 
 fellow.” She leans her elbows on the table at 
 dinner, she lolls in the chair in the most careless of 
 attitudes. She thinks it very funny to jump on 
 and off the car as it is going, and equally funny to 
 whistle for the car to stop, instead of motioning 
 for it as other girls do. She sees no reason why 
 
The Girl IVho Uses Slang 115 
 
 she should be respectful to older people — she 
 shrugs her shoulders and announces audibly that 
 they bore her. She doesn’t care to read books 
 unless they have what she calls go ” in them. 
 She is familiar with the scandals of the day, as 
 gleaned from the newspapers, and is greatly given 
 to announcing that she doesn’t hesitate to call a 
 spade a spade. She is very pronounced in her 
 likes and dislikes and will not endure contradic- 
 tion. She doesn’t trouble herself to hint for any- 
 thing that she wushes men to do for her, she de- 
 liberately asks them, and it rather surprises her 
 after a while to find that, considering her just one of 
 themselves, a man will refuse her request. She 
 doesn’t seem to understand that while a man may 
 be attracted by her prettiness and amused in a way 
 by her manner, he very soon gets tired of her, for 
 from the beginning of the world men have never 
 loved the women who were slangy in their man- 
 ners, but rather the woman who represents what 
 a French writer calls the eternal feminine.” 
 
 The girl who is slangy in speech, dress, and man- 
 ner is very apt to grow slangy in her amusements. 
 She is best pleased by the trashiest of literature, and 
 for a book to be advertised as not quite nice is 
 to her a special recommendation for it. In music 
 she selects, by preference, songs that have neither 
 wit, melody, nor sentiment to recommend them, 
 and which only please by their lack of sense. No 
 
ii6 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 man cares to hear a woman whom he respects sing 
 comic songs. It lowers her in the eyes of every 
 one, and the fact that she sings a comic song well 
 does not add anything to the making it desirable 
 for her to do it at all. 
 
 The slangy girl is apt to be the jester of the 
 company, and who likes to see a woman wear the 
 cap and bells ? Why do not girls understand 
 this? Why canT they see that to amuse people 
 by making a clown of one’s self is vulgarizing to 
 the last degree ? 
 
 A POSITIVE CERTAINTY 
 
 It is absolutely certain that the girl who is 
 slangy in her manner forgets to be gracious and 
 doesn’t hesitate to say disagreeable things. She 
 is, day by day, stilling her conscience and hard- 
 ening her heart, and she fails to see why she 
 should refrain from hurting other people. She 
 entirely loses the grace of consideration. With this 
 gone, it is sad to relate, she next loses her belief 
 and her regard for the belief of others. Probe 
 way down into what heart she has and she may, 
 all unknown to herself, still believe, but she has 
 an idea, a very false one, that it is an evidence of 
 her intellectual strength to sneer at all belief and 
 all accepted faiths. She doesn’t know enough to 
 realize that knaves and fools can say, ^ ^ It is not 
 
The Girl Who Uses Slang 117 
 
 so, and I do not believe what I cannot see,’’ but 
 that it is the wise man who prays, Lord, I be- 
 lieve, help thou mine unbelief/' She can talk 
 very rapidly against all faiths, using the arguments 
 of the non-believers of to-day, which are simply 
 those of the non-believers of thousands of years 
 ago. Poor girl, she is to be pitied, for it has not 
 yet dawned on her of how little account she is to 
 the world, and how she is, after all, hurting nobody 
 as much as herself. My dear girl, you who begin 
 to use slang in your speech must stop right now, 
 for if you continue it is certain that you will grow 
 slangy in dress' and later on in manners. 
 
 CAN YOU AFFORD IT 
 
 Can you afford, for the sake of amusing a few 
 foolish people, to lose your own womanliness ? 
 
 Can you afford, for the sake of being conspic- 
 uous on the street, or at some place of amusement, 
 to express in your dress your contempt for all 
 women ? 
 
 Can you afford, for the passing admiration of an 
 hour, to give away your attraction as a well-bred 
 girl, while you pose as one of the boys " ? 
 
 I do not think you can afford it. The day 
 will certainly come when you will regret it, and 
 then it will be too late. We who are fond of 
 flowers know that if we wish them to give forth 
 
ii8 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 sweet perfume and beautiful buds we must see that 
 they are not choked up by weeds. This is only 
 done by continually watching for the weeds, pull- 
 ing up each one, little root and all, and burning 
 it. The sweetest blossom of humanity is a gentle 
 girl — wonT you make her number increase? 
 
YOUR OWN FAMILIAR FRIEND 
 
 HERE is nothing so beautiful as a faith- 
 ful friendship between two women. 
 Nothing is quite so unselfish and noth- 
 ing in life lasts quite so long. This 
 friendship, however, must have the trial-test of 
 years ; it does not grow up in a day, or a night, but 
 it is cemented and made perfect by the gradual 
 learning of each to understand the other, by the 
 willingness to help bear each other^s burdens, and 
 by that greatest of all virtues in friendship, the 
 never asking a question, but the waiting until the 
 confidence is given. Young girls very seldom 
 form such friendships. They are, as I have said, 
 the outgrowth of years of confidence, and you, 
 who are sixteen, seventeen, or eighteen, have not 
 had the time to try, or be tried, to prove your 
 worthiness as a friend. You look at me with a 
 bit of indignation, and you tell me of the dear- 
 est girl that ever lived,** who sympathizes with 
 you in everything, to whom you tell all your 
 
f 20 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 hopes and ambitions, who loves you dearly, and 
 whom you have known exactly one week. You 
 know it must be a real friendship because you were 
 attracted at once, and because immediately you 
 began to tell one another things that you wouldn’t 
 have had the other girls know — not for anything. 
 And you think this friendship is going to last for- 
 ever. You have planned it all out in your own 
 mind. You two, after you leave school, are going 
 to marry two brothers, the handsomest and best 
 men that ever were born, and you are all going to 
 live in one house, and you will tell each other 
 everything and life will run along as smoothly as 
 possible for both of you. That is what you say 
 this week. 
 
 THE WEEK AFTER 
 
 Next week I ask after your bosom friend and 
 you don’t seem inclined to talk about her. When 
 I insist upon hearing about this feminine Damon 
 I hear that she has rather neglected you ; that a 
 new girl has come whom she finds more sympa- 
 thetic, and you find to your horror that she has 
 told her the secrets which you whispered, believ- 
 ing that they were as sacred as if they had been 
 told in the confessional. But you brighten up a 
 little and tell me that after all you suppose one 
 must make mistakes, but that now you have dis- 
 covered a real friend, one who loves you simply 
 
Your Own Familiar Friend 
 
 121 
 
 for yourself. She has such a lovely name, too. 
 You think you never heard a more musical one — 
 Florence. And then you show me the little notes 
 she has written to you, notes that are as senti- 
 mental as possible, full of darling ” and sweet- 
 est,’' and making protestations of love such as 
 Romeo might have made to Juliet. And then 
 you tell me how on your desk you find a rose from 
 her ; and you show me the ring you are wearing 
 which is hers, and which she begs you to kiss every 
 day. As a profound secret you hear from another 
 girl that she has sent to the city and is having a 
 locket made in the shape of a heart with her pict- 
 ure inside it, and that this will reach you on 
 Easter Day. And then you look at me and say, 
 ‘ ^ Isn’ t this beautiful ? Isn’ t this real friendship ? ’ ’ 
 
 WHAT I THINK 
 
 I don’t like to hurt your feelings by laughing at 
 you, and I know, my dear, that you are quite in 
 earnest, but this is all very silly. A veritable 
 friendship between women doesn’t express itself 
 in that manner, and you are not old enough yet 
 to have friends. The pleasant acquaintance 
 among the girls will last a thousand times longer 
 than that with the gushing admirer. Florence is 
 as jealous as if she were your sweetheart, and you 
 pride yourself on this. She writes you most de- 
 
122 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 spairing notes because some afternoon you take a 
 walk with some other girl, or because you broke 
 an engagement with her to go out with your 
 mother. You think it is very desirable to be 
 known among your girl friends as Florence's 
 crush,’’ but if you will take a little trouble and 
 inquire, you will find that you are only one 
 among a number for whom Florence has expressed 
 this great admiration at various times, and to 
 whom she has shown this marvellous devotion. 
 This may last three months or even a year, but 
 great emotions have sudden endings, and some 
 day you will be surprised to get a letter from 
 Florence inclosing the photograph which you 
 gave her, and begging you to return the little 
 locket. That poor little locket ! If you have the 
 sense I credit you with you will wonder who the 
 girl is who is going to get it next, for you may 
 be very certain that it will answer for several 
 people. 
 
 THE DANGER OF IT 
 
 The great dangers of such intimacies as I have 
 described are that they wean a girl from her best 
 friend, her mother, and that they induce her to 
 be over-confidential and to tell the affairs of her 
 home to one who is not of her own household. 
 Then, too, by mincing up one’s love as if it were 
 a piece of citron, and giving a little of it here 
 
Your Own Familiar Friend 
 
 123 
 
 and a little of it there, there is left a portion not 
 altogether desirable which is to be given to Prince 
 Charming when he comes to claim his bride. I 
 like a girl to have many girl-friends ; I do not 
 like her to have a girl-sweetheart. There are but 
 two people in the world to whom a girl should 
 give her confidence — the first is her mother, the 
 second is her husband. To the first belongs her 
 life while she is unmarried ; after that she must 
 find in her husband the one person to whom she 
 can tell everything. And she is a very foolish 
 woman if she ever whispers to either mother or 
 woman-friend the confidential life of her husband 
 and herself. 
 
 Many, very many girls may say, Oh, it is 
 very easy to say tell your mother everything, but 
 suppose she doesn't care to hear it?" Now, I 
 just want to ask you one question : Have you 
 ever tried to make her your confidante ? Have 
 you ever tried to tell her how your life goes along, 
 the acquaintances you make at school, what in- 
 terests you, or even the little compliments that 
 are paid you by young men, and about which 
 you are, properly enough, a little shy? Don't be 
 satisfied with one trial and feel repulsed because 
 she happens to be too busy, or too much troubled 
 about something else to pay strict attention to 
 you, but instead, take another time, and when 
 you try this and keep on trying you will gradually 
 
124 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 discover that she will grow interested, that you 
 will have no more ardent partisan in your troub- 
 les and your happiness than she is, and no one 
 who will give you better advice. If you are un- 
 fortunate enough not to be able to gain this con- 
 sideration from your mother, then, my dear girl, 
 keep your private affairs to yourself. Discuss 
 everything else you want, from gowns to books, 
 from pictures to sweetmeats, but do not tell to the 
 rapturous girl-friend the story of your innermost 
 life, or wear your heart upon your sleeve for every 
 daw to peck at. 
 
 THE MANY DISAPPOINTMENTS 
 
 They will come surely, and you will be hurt 
 again and again. While you believed in Louise, 
 or Florence, or Geraldine, you may have whispered 
 how difficult it was for the home-people to save the 
 money to have you take the music - lessons you 
 so much desired. And then when Geraldine, or 
 Louise, or Florence has turned the page that bears 
 your name, you will be horrified to hear that this 
 has been told all over the school. Very young 
 girls seldom remember that there are obligations 
 even after a friendship has ceased to exist, and 
 that the greatest one of these is to force one’s self 
 to forget that which was told in confidence when 
 life meant nothing unless you two were together. 
 
four Own Familiar Friend 
 
 I2S 
 
 Too many girls are inclined to think themselves 
 martyrs some time in their lives. The fancy for 
 believing that they are ill-treated and misunder- 
 stood at home is a common expression of this mar- 
 tyrdom, and to the girl-friend this story of suffer- 
 ing is told with the keenest sort of pleasure. Now 
 the suffering may consist in the fact that the martyr 
 (?), after lounging all day reading a volume of po- 
 etry, was asked to take care of the baby for awhile, 
 as nurse was busy in the kitchen, and mother must 
 go down and see a visitor. And the martyr holds 
 the baby carelessly, and the poor little tot cries 
 because it is uncomfortable, while the happy vic- 
 tim of sixteen, who really enjoys her trouble, thinks 
 what a sorry lot is hers that she should be taken 
 from her beautiful poems and forced to be a slave. 
 
 For so she puts it. She never seems to realize 
 that there is a thousand times as much poetry in 
 helping her mother as there ever was in any volume 
 published. Next day her confidante hears in 
 most inflated terms the story of her suffering, 
 and the confidante tells somebody else, and she 
 tells somebody else, and some day — this is not 
 only possible but I have known an actual case 
 — the loving mother of a foolish girl is horri- 
 fied to hear that she is credited with not treating 
 her child well. 
 
 And all of this came through the overwrought 
 imagination of a young girl who didn’t know 
 
126 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 how to hold her tongue. You have said foolish 
 things, and folly too often is really criminal. You 
 have talked without thinking, and thoughtlessness 
 has brought about a sad state of affairs. When 
 will you learn to control your silly talk ? When 
 will you learn to be a womanly girl ? 
 
 WHAT TO DO 
 
 Until you are quite old enough to comprehend 
 that friendship is more than a name, and that the 
 real friend is one that is tried and not found want- 
 ing, you will probably speak of all the girls you 
 like as your friends, meaning, of course, your ac- 
 quaintances. Now, I want you to like each other, 
 to be good comrades, but I think it will be wiser 
 if you make this good-fellowship, in number at 
 least, one of three or five, rather than two or four, 
 for then you will not be so likely to discuss your 
 private affairs, or to reach a state of sickly senti- 
 mentality that is as undesirable physically as it 
 is mentally. Where there are three girls or five 
 girls there is certain to be one who, healthy in 
 mind and body, will laugh down any inclination to 
 martyrdom, or any other nonsense that may ex- 
 hibit itself. Possibly you think I am a little hard- 
 hearted. Indeed, my dear girl, I am not. No- 
 body grieves more sincerely than I do when a 
 young girl loses her belief in her companions, but 
 
Your Own Familiar Friend 
 
 127 
 
 what I would like to do would be to suggest to 
 her how to thoroughly enjoy these companions, 
 ^d how to be so careful in her conduct with them 
 that there will be no possibility of her being dis- 
 illusioned. 
 
 When two girls are very intimate, and count 
 out of this intimacy not only their own sisters but 
 all their other friends, they are apt, unconsciously, 
 to cultivate the faults of selfishness, of meanness, 
 and to cause an undesirable morbidness to spring 
 up. You think, perhaps, I shouldn’t have used 
 the word meanness, and yet I’ll tell you why I 
 say it. You two have a long talk together about 
 everything and everybody, and consequently you 
 do not hesitate to criticise severely every little 
 fault, every little weakness of your neighbors, al- 
 though you never stop to remember what was said 
 about the mote and the beam. If it were not for 
 this very great intimacy you would not dream of 
 speaking ill of others ; if nothing else restrained 
 you the fear that what you say might be repeated 
 would have much to do with making you careful, 
 but this great friendship, so-called, permits you to 
 give license to your tongue, and you do not hesi- 
 tate fo utter before your bosom friend words and 
 opinions which you would be ashamed to have 
 other people know even entered your mind. Too 
 great intimacy begets too great familiarity. 
 Books and stories are often giggled over between 
 
128 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 two girls, and affairs are discussed that if a third 
 girl were present they would never dream of re- 
 ferring to, 
 
 THE RIGHT KIND 
 
 I have been talking to you about the foolish 
 and the wrong kind of a friend, but you must not 
 suppose for a minute that there is not a sensible 
 and a right friend. She can be as jolly and as 
 full of fun as possible ; you and she can read to- 
 gether, walk together, play on the same side in 
 the out-door games and find much joy in each 
 other’s society. But this companion won’t show 
 a ridiculous jealousy because you happen to walk 
 to-day with some other girl and to-morrow take 
 tea with another one. No, on the contrary, she 
 will be delighted to hear what a good time you 
 have been having, and if she has been the one 
 to have the good time she will tell you about it, 
 and how she wished, earnestly and honestly, that 
 you were along. She will never tell you of the 
 affairs of her home, and be very certain that she 
 will not write love-letters to you, or make you 
 think yourself a much-abused young woman be- 
 cause you have some duties in life to perform. 
 She will be a pleasant acquaintance, careful never 
 to grow sufficiently familiar to give or accept any 
 rudeness, and quite as careful not to listen or talk 
 about anything that does not concern her. You 
 
Your Own Familiar Friend 
 
 129 
 
 will find that you can rely upon her, that she will 
 not run to you with every unpleasant thing she 
 hears, and that if the day of sadness comes and 
 she is near you, she will try and console you. As 
 the years go by you will be surprised to discover 
 that the girl you thoroughly liked has become the 
 friend with whom you are on the most affection- 
 ate terms, while she who adored you for a day or 
 a year has either entirely forgotten you, or else 
 when you meet her again you are amazed that you 
 could have cared for a woman who seems so foolish. 
 
 A good friend is a blessing straight from Heav- 
 en, but it is a blessing like a beautiful flower : it 
 does not bloom all at once, but requires continual 
 care. It will not stand rough handling or neg- 
 lect. You must be gentle and considerate ; you 
 must allow to it the same individual life that you 
 have yourself, and while you may differ it must 
 be without the utterance of unkind words. You 
 must never permit anyone to speak ill of your 
 friend to you, and if something should seem to 
 come between you, a coldness for which you can 
 find no cause, then the good friend will seek out 
 the other, discover the reason, and clearly explain 
 away whatever has seemed wrong. Just be a little 
 careful, and in electing who shall be close to you 
 choose that girl whom in the years to come you 
 can still call by that sweet old name, your own 
 familiar friend.^' 
 
 9 
 
THE ELDER SISTER IN THE HOME 
 
 WONDER how many of my girls have 
 the great privilege of being the sister 
 in the family ? And when I say sister 
 I mean the oldest daughter. Some- 
 times she is the baby whom God first gave to the 
 happy household ; sometimes she has two or three 
 brothers to greet her when she comes into the 
 world, but as long as she is the first girl, she is 
 always sister, and to her come special rights and 
 privileges. I want to talk to her just a little bit 
 and tell her what these rights are, what the priv- 
 ileges are, and what the pleasures are. She is very 
 near to me because she and I stand side by side, 
 and I know, perhaps better than she does, the 
 mistakes that may be made and the privileges that 
 are within her reach. She is, before everything 
 else, the closest one to the dear mother. A boy 
 may come near to the maternal heart, but he 
 never gets her confidence, and she never quite 
 relies on him as she does on her oldest girl. The 
 
The Elder Sister in the Home 
 
 131 
 
 mother and the daughter are close friends. And 
 between these two, little affairs can be talked over, 
 little troubles discussed and made easier to bear, 
 little pleasures thought out and made possible, 
 and all life itself made fuller of joy than it would 
 be if sister did not exist. 
 
 I wonder if you know your influence ? And I 
 wonder if you use it? I wonder if you realize 
 that you can be the cheerful, loving, willing, 
 helping hand ? My dear girl, if you do you can 
 be a comfort to so many people. You can give 
 the loving word of advice, you can help the one 
 who is in doubt, and by the beautiful power of 
 kindred and love, you can have an influence that 
 is greater than any other over your brothers and 
 sisters. What do I mean ? Well, in this, the 
 little talk between you and me, I am going to tell 
 you — tell you just what your position is, and what 
 you can make of it to each member of the house- 
 hold. 
 
 TO YOUR MOTHER 
 
 As your mother is queen of the household you 
 can be her prime minister. She can decide what 
 is right to be done and you will help her in carry- 
 ing it out. She represents the brain and heart, 
 you represent the hand and heart. There come 
 times in all households when the machinery that 
 has run so smoothly seems either to stop en- 
 
132 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 tirely, or to be so clogged that the wheels move 
 slowly and in a way that is irritating to everyone. 
 
 In many homes the cause for this differs. But 
 a very common one is the introduction of a poor 
 or an old relation : one who is queer, possibly tire- 
 some, and yet who has the claim that blood and 
 poverty always have on kindred and kindness. 
 The boys fret the old lady, father sees so little of 
 her that she doesn’t trouble him, and yet she wor- 
 ries mother. It may be that she is your grand- 
 mother, and because she is an old lady she doesn’t 
 realize the material or mental changes that have 
 taken place, and she exacts from the daughter of 
 forty-five what she had from the daughter of fif- 
 teen — that is, continual consideration and obedi- 
 ence. 
 
 Mother, whose views of life have broadened, 
 and who is a very busy woman, is irritated by 
 these demands. Here comes one of your oppor- 
 tunities. You have left school ; you have a good 
 bit of time on your hands; devote as much of 
 that as you can to grandmamma ; make the hours 
 that you spend with her pleasant to her, and 
 when you grow weary in well-doing stand in front 
 of the looking-glass by grandmamma’s side and 
 remember that some day you will be as old as she 
 is and will want patience and consideration shown 
 to you. Find out what she likes to have done 
 for her, and do it ; see if she fancies walking with 
 
The Elder Sister in the Home 
 
 133 
 
 you, and go with her gladly. And if, once in 
 awhile, or indeed very often, she should drift into 
 a kindly gossip about people who are dead and 
 buried, and whom you never knew, listen to her 
 with interest, and think to yourself that when you 
 grow old and a trifle garrulous, you will probably 
 yearn for a sympathetic listener. Never let her 
 feel for one minute that she is a burden. Tell 
 her of your friends and of the pleasures in your 
 daily life. Get her interested in you, and to 
 your surprise grandmamma will suddenly grow 
 much younger. Loving-kindness has worked this 
 miracle. 
 
 That is one of the things you can do to help 
 mother. You can amuse and entertain grand- 
 mamma, and then when mother’s leisure hours 
 come she will find her happy and pleased, and 
 the life between them will seem like a renewal of 
 the old days when they were both many years 
 younger. And thy days shall be long in the 
 land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” 
 
 TO YOUR FATHER 
 
 I never saw a man who wasn’t proud of sister. 
 He may love his boys, but this oldest girl gets 
 very close to his heart, and she can do much to 
 make life pleasanter to him. To my sorrow I 
 have seen her sit and sulk when he was present, I 
 
134 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 have seen her complaining because she didn’t 
 have what all the other girls had, and I have 
 known her to think that her father represented a 
 money-making machine, bound to take care of 
 her and give her a good time. And she might be 
 so much more. When father comes home in the 
 evening it ought to be her place to greet him with 
 a smile and as much merriment as she can. It is 
 her honor to be his daughter, and that means to 
 give him all the pleasure possible and to keep 
 from him the little frets and worries. Sometimes 
 if a question of great importance comes to her 
 she goes to him to ask how it shall be solved, and 
 if she has been a good daughter she will certain- 
 ly get from him considerate advice and loving 
 thoughtfulness. Some day when the blushes 
 cover her face she will go to her father to tell 
 him that she loves the man who has asked her to 
 be his wife, and then he will look at the man who 
 wishes to be her lifelong companion, not only 
 through the rose-colored glasses which she wears, 
 but through those clear ones of good sense, and 
 he will consider and weigh in the balance the 
 man who wishes to take from him his dearest one. 
 For, sister, that is what you can be to him — his 
 heart’s delight. 
 
 I know a man who says that his oldest daughter 
 would make pleasant the poorest home that can 
 be imagined. He says no matter how much 
 
The Elder Sister in the Home 
 
 135 
 
 everybody else is down in the depths, she always 
 has a merry greeting, a funny story, an interest- 
 ing topic, or a pleasant question for discussion 
 that interests everybody else and puts down the 
 inclinations of the other members of the family to 
 tell of their woes and worries, as a sauce for their 
 dinners, rather than of their pleasures and inter- 
 ests. 1 call that being a great deal to one’s fa- 
 ther. He who is out in the busy world earning 
 the bread and butter doesn’t want to be met with 
 complaints and cross looks; he wants to be 
 greeted with a kiss, to be entertained by the 
 mind which he has really formed by earning the 
 money to pay the teachers to broaden and round 
 it, and to be able to look at the bright, cheery 
 girl, neat in her dress, sweet in her manner, and 
 ever ready to make glad those who are sad. 
 
 TO YOUR BROTHER 
 
 Brother is close to you in years. A little older 
 or a little younger, but near enough to you to be 
 your companion and friend if you wish to make him 
 so. What are you going to do ? Are you going 
 to let him drift away from you and find his pleas- 
 ures away from home ? Or are you going to 
 keep him close to you and make him a sharer 
 in everything that comes to you ? I think, dear 
 sister, you are going to do the last. There is a 
 
156 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 cigar-shop down street where the boys of the neigh- 
 borhood drift in and smoke and talk. Possibly 
 they do nothing more harmful, but your brother 
 might just as well have all this pleasure at home. 
 And this is the way you can make him happy ; 
 Make him feel that his friends are yours, and if 
 he will not bring them to the house because of 
 some queer idea, and all young boys have them, 
 then get your mother’s permission to write a note 
 to each and every one asking him to come on a 
 certain evening, and then have some of your 
 friends to meet them. Put yourself to a little 
 trouble the first time ; have a nice little supper, 
 plenty of music, pleasant games, and the simple, 
 innocent dancing that is permissible in a home. 
 Find out who is the shyest, or better still, the 
 roughest of these friends, and pay to him the most 
 attention, for you want him to come again. And 
 you must convince him that he will have a better 
 time if he comes to Jack’s home and meets Jack’s 
 sister than if he induced Jack to spend an even- 
 ing with him in the cigar store. After a while 
 you will find that your brother will rely on you ; 
 you will find that his friends come to you with 
 their little confidences, and gradually Jack’s 
 house will be cited as the one where a fellow can 
 go without being treated as if he always did 
 wrong. 
 
 I once knew of a household like this, a household 
 
ne Elder Sister in the Home 
 
 137 
 
 long ago broken up, but where innumerable stray 
 boys, boys without sisters, or who lived in boarding- 
 houses, came to enjoy themselves, and where they 
 knew they could always drop in for Sunday evening 
 tea, and not only have good things to eat but a 
 pleasant time altogether. Two or three of them 
 who sang well would lift their voices in praise to 
 Almighty God and all the rest of them would come 
 in on the chorus. 
 
 HOW TO REFINE HIM 
 
 That is your work. The young boy who is 
 careless about his appearance, unrefined in his man- 
 ners, and lacking all thought is the one over whom 
 a sister has had no influence. So when he comes to 
 you, even though you are forced to regard him as 
 somebody else’s brother, do what you can in a quiet 
 way to make him conscious of right and wrong. 
 You will have an opportunity some day to tell him 
 how difficult it was to teach your own brother that 
 hands well cared for, that clothes well brushed, and 
 clean linen were necessary if he wished to associate 
 with his sister. That boy will look in an embar- 
 rassed way at his own hands ; he may become con- 
 scious of a mussed and decidedly soiled collar, and 
 he may remember that his clothes are not very well 
 brushed and that the hat he wore was thick with 
 dust. As soon as he recognizes these facts he will 
 
Side Talks with Girls 
 
 138 
 
 reform, and you will be surprised to see how quickly 
 he will remedy his mistakes, and how certainly he 
 will realize that in his own person he must express 
 refinement if he desires to be a friend of Jack’s 
 sister. 
 
 Then when the impolite word is spoken — or per- 
 haps it may go beyond that and be a rude or vulgar 
 word — a little look and a little reminder that he 
 has forgotten himself will cause him to think, and 
 the possibilities of the man who once begins to 
 think are wonderful. The fact that Jack’s friends 
 admire you, that Jack’s friends find you charming, 
 will make Jack very proud of you, and he will sug- 
 gest to the boys who come to the house that they 
 have got to do this, or they have got to stop that 
 if they want to meet his sister. My dear girl, you 
 have no idea what your influence is over your 
 brother. 
 
 The day will come when brother will ask you 
 with many blushes if you know that pretty girl who 
 lives in the next block. It doesn’t take you but a 
 minute to understand that your brother is in love. 
 Possibly you may feel a touch of jealousy, but if 
 you do, don’t betray it, for you must remember 
 there will come a love to each of you that is stronger 
 than any other, and you have no right to find fault 
 with him if he has found this love before you. 
 
The Elder Sister in the Home 139 
 
 TO YOUR SISTERS 
 
 Having made little mistakes, having been the 
 pupil of that great teacher, experience, it is only 
 right for you to give the hand of guidance to your 
 younger sisters. This you can do in such a way 
 that you do not seem to put yourself up on a ped- 
 estal and preach to them, but you do appear to be 
 what you really are — interested in their not mak- 
 ing the same mistakes that you have, and so forc- 
 ing all life to become smoother to them through 
 your goodness. The inclination of an older girl 
 is to patronize a younger one. Don’t do this. 
 Make your sister or sisters your companions and 
 friends ; try to induce each one of them to make 
 the home-life more interesting and to co-operate 
 with you in lifting the burdens from the shoulders 
 of the busy mother. Tell your sisters of your pleas- 
 ures ; let them feel that together you can discuss 
 their daily lives, and enter closely into whatever 
 seems of importance to them. Help a bit with the 
 lessons ; give a word of encouragement to that one 
 who tires of the many hours of practice on the piano; 
 tell her of the great pleasure that music gives to 
 others, how its sweet strains will deaden the voice 
 of scandal and kill the unkind word. Teach your 
 younger sisters the womanly care they should give 
 to their clothes ; teach this by gentle words. Make 
 
140 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 them understand the refinements of the table, but 
 do this in that best of all ways — set them a good 
 example. Make them comprehend that even a 
 little lady has lost her claim to the title if her apron 
 is soiled, if her hair is mussed, and if her manners 
 are bad. Make your sisters seem of importance. 
 Ask them to help you with some of your tasks, and 
 you will be surprised to see how willingly this is 
 done when the duty is recognized not as a duty, 
 but as a something to be done with pleasure because 
 it is helping mother or sister. 
 
 IN YOUR PLACE 
 
 When God put you in the place that you now 
 occupy, when He made you sister of a household, 
 He meant that you should be a pleasure and an 
 example to those around you. Don't believe He 
 meant you to be a prig. He meant you to be merry 
 and wise, happy and considerate, counting it no 
 trouble to do a service for those you love, or indeed, 
 if it came in your way, even for those who were 
 strangers to you. He meant that you should love 
 and respect old age or weakness. He meant that 
 you should be a joy forever to your father and 
 mother. He meant that you should be mother's 
 little comforter, sharing her happiness with her and 
 helping her, as far as possible, iti her troubles and 
 worries. Be willing, more than willing, to do what 
 
The Elder Sister in the Home 
 
 141 
 
 is right, and so by love, generosity, and considera- 
 tion to fill your place perfectly, and when Prince 
 Charming comes he will be made the happiest 
 man in the world, because all of the family will 
 say, What will we do without sister? 
 
THE RESTLESSNESS OF THE AGE 
 
 LL restlessness and seeking after what 
 does not belong to one is a hindrance 
 to any woman, be she old or young, 
 and one which, in many instances, 
 God did not intend should come into her life. 
 Repose and perfect quietness seem to be unknown 
 factors nowadays, and the simple doing what one 
 has to do, quietly and properly, also ignored. The 
 girls of to-day, no matter what their age may be, 
 rush for everything. There is excitement in mind 
 and body over the least little thing, and women 
 are wearing themselves out doing absolutely noth- 
 ing. You cannot convince a girl that, with proper 
 deliberation, she might accomplish just what she 
 wishes, and be strong in body and restful in mind 
 as well. No, she has got so entirely used to rush- 
 ing at everything that she wears herself out rac- 
 ing up and down stairs, and when simple, normal 
 work is finished she is, as she puts it, so dead tired 
 that I can’t even rest.” 
 
The Restlessness of the Age 
 
 143 
 
 TAKING THINGS EASY 
 
 One can do three times as much by being quiet 
 and taking things easy as by rushing. Girls in 
 every station of life are hurting themselves by at- 
 tempting to do too much. The girl who has to 
 work is over-ambitious, and the society girl thinks 
 she must let as much as possible come into her life. 
 And so, between clubs and classes, with every 
 form of gayety imaginable, she is working so 
 hard that when she is thirty and should be reach- 
 ing her prime, which physicians say is thirty-five, 
 she is old and broken down. The feverish desire 
 to have and to achieve is killing the girls of to-day. 
 They are never satisfied ; everything in their lives 
 is rush and hurry. They want to dress like one 
 friend, to be as learned as another, and as great a 
 society leader as another. 
 
 THE WOMAN OF TO-DAY 
 
 The woman of to-day, as we hear of her, be- 
 longs to a class for each day in the week, and has 
 every afternoon and evening filled up with gay 
 functions. She is eager to know all about politics, 
 to understand the great poets and writers of the 
 day, especially those that are counted most difficult 
 to comprehend ; she wants to belong to societies 
 
144 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 that will make the world better and that will per- 
 mit her to talk about them in public, and yet she 
 desires as w'ell to keep the position in life to which 
 she was born. Speak to her suddenly and see her 
 start. That means overtaxed nerves. Get her to 
 talk to you about one of her plans and see how she 
 flushes, notice the unnatural brilliancy of her eyes, 
 and watch the quivering of her lips and her hands. 
 That woman is on the verge of nervous prostration. 
 And why ? She is living an abnormal life. She 
 is neglecting her duties, and is permitting herself 
 to be worn out to interest people who do not care 
 in the least for her. 
 
 To me she is dreadful — this woman of to-day — 
 and I do not want any one of my girls to be like 
 her. She does no real work, she only worries, and 
 worry is very apt to kill. Work properly done, 
 systematically arranged for and carefully and easi- 
 ly carried out, does not wear women out. It is 
 only when it is rush, rush, rush, fret, fret, fret, that 
 women become bundles of overstrung nerves, tied 
 with the red ribbon of continual excitement. But 
 the ribbon comes untied and the nerves are free, 
 and what is the result ? A fretful answer to a ques- 
 tion asked by a member of the household, inatten- 
 tion to one’s duties because the head and the eyes 
 ache so they are almost killing me,” and then, too 
 often there follows the resort to a stimulant of some 
 kind. The tears come to the eyes very easily, the 
 
The Restlessness of the Age 
 
 I4S 
 
 feelings are supersensitive, and all because hurry 
 and fret have made of a healthy girl a wretched 
 bundle of nerves and nothing else. Patience is 
 asked from everybody. The tiny girl must be 
 quiet so that mamma may get over her head- 
 ache.’’ The healthy boy is asked to walk quietly 
 because your sister has done so much that she is 
 trying to rest,” and the whole household is under 
 nerve-rule. What can be done ? One can advise 
 quieter methods, plenty of fresh air and a nourish- 
 ing diet, but the nervous girl is apt to be very pos- 
 itive, for she counts herself a deep thinker, and 
 advice is the last thing she wishes to hear or to fol- 
 low. The end of it all ? You can see it. There 
 are quite enough nervous girls and nervous middle- 
 aged women now. It is, alas, only too easy to 
 picture what they will be when they are veritable 
 old ladies. 
 
 THE QUESTION ASKED 
 
 But,” says one of my girls, don’t you want 
 us to be intelligent ? Don’t you want us to know 
 something, and don’t you want us to enjoy our- 
 selves? ” Certainly I do, but I want you to dv it 
 as a woman should, and not after the fashion of a 
 locomotive attached to a fast train, and which must 
 keep up its record. Look at our English cousins ; 
 they study one thing and know it well. These 
 women who attempt so much are usually entirely 
 
 lO 
 
146 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 superficial because they cannot possibly learn one 
 thing well when they are attempting so much. 
 Then, too, about work. There is a perfect craze 
 among young women to leave their homes and go 
 out to work in the outside world. When this is 
 necessary it is all right, but in many cases it is not 
 necessary. There is work to do at home, and the 
 foolish girl does not see the value of her home work, 
 but with every nerve at a tangent, with her heart 
 throbbing so rapidly she can almost hear it, she 
 rushes out into the big world for work that should 
 not be hers, and which will use her up mentally 
 and physically in a very short time. When the 
 good God was arranging the human pegs into their 
 abiding-places, He did not put the round ones in 
 the square holes, but when a woman rushes away 
 from the work that is laid out for her, she finds 
 that she is wrongly situated, and she wears herself 
 out worrying over this. Then she is old and tired 
 when she should be young and fresh. 
 
 Sometimes, even in her home life, the fever of 
 haste comes to her, and I beg of her, for I know 
 her among my girls, to learn to do things quietly. 
 Walk up and down stairs ; make the beds and dust 
 the rooms quietly, and not as if you were being 
 pursued by the demon of unrest, enjoy yourself 
 easily, don't let your nerves get the better of you 
 when you are playing a game. If you dance, don’t 
 do it furiously, and, above all things, don’t fall into 
 
The Restlessness of the Age 
 
 147 
 
 the sad error of hastening to be married. Learn 
 to know the man to whom you are giving your 
 love, and be sure that each of you will be better in 
 the future because of the time given to your becom- 
 ing acquainted even after the story of love has been 
 told to you. Physicians say the best prescription 
 for the woman of to-day is more rest and more 
 quiet enjoyment. Try this. Allow yourself to 
 take every day that which is a rest to you. 
 
 HOW TO REST 
 
 Some girls donT know how to do this. They 
 think rest and sleep synonymous, whereas rest may 
 mean simply change in occupation. It may mean 
 the sitting quiet for a while. It may mean the hav- 
 ing a cup of tea, or a bit of bread and butter — the 
 tea being that which does not hurt the nerves, and 
 the bread and butter being that which is health- 
 ful and which tastes good. Often you donT eat 
 enough, my dear girl, and you hurry too much 
 when you do eat. Learn to linger over your meals, 
 to talk to your father or mother pleasantly, and so 
 to aid digestion by slow eating and bright conver- 
 sation. Sometimes the best rest that comes is the 
 sitting in an easy-chair and closing your eyes for 
 ten minutes. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of this. 
 It is necessary if you wish to be a well and strong 
 woman. You rest when you don’t attempt too 
 
148 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 much, for then you do better work. Rest for you 
 may mean reading a pretty story, while for me it 
 may be leaving books and looking out at the green 
 trees for a while. Find out that rest which is best 
 suited to you and permit yourself to have it. 
 
 REST IN TALK 
 
 That is a pleasant rest. To sit still and listen 
 to the quiet talk of somebody else, somebody who 
 will not require an answer from you — a charitable 
 somebody who will not mind if gradually, as the 
 talk drifts into a monotone, your eyes close and 
 a refreshing sleep of ten minutes comes to you. 
 Generally, talk is work with a nervous girl. She 
 is so eager to show that she is up in everything, so 
 anxious to be considered intelligent and cultured 
 that she forgets that listening is part of conversation, 
 and she degenerates into what is called a great 
 talker. And that means one who absorbs the con- 
 versation. But she who is wise, and who finds 
 rest in talk, will listen with intelligence, and once 
 in a while say something worth hearing. But she 
 will not determine to tell all she knows at once, or 
 to drive all other talkers out of the field of conver- 
 sation. Who has not been tired out by the restless 
 talker — by the one who answers the question you 
 did not ask her while she gives information to some- 
 one else who has forgotten more than she ever knew? 
 
The Restlessness of the Age 
 
 149 
 
 WOMEN ONLY IN NAME 
 
 Isn't it to be dreaded? The being at thirty- 
 five a nervous, fretful, irritable woman, feared by 
 society at large and a continual source of unhappi- 
 ness in your own home. This will surely come if 
 you follow the footsteps of the so-called advanced 
 woman of to-day. A desire to know the truth for 
 myself has induced me to look at the women who 
 stand forward as representing the intellectual woman 
 of the times — ^she who claims to be up in every- 
 thing, to miss nothing and to be ready to give her 
 opinion at club or society. She is a sad sight to 
 me, because the nervous quickness with which she 
 speaks proves that she is controlled by haste, and 
 that a beautiful, restful, loving old age will be im- 
 possible to her. ‘^But,’' you ask, ‘‘sha’n’t I be- 
 ^ long to a benevolent association ? ’ ’ Yes, to one, if 
 you have the time to do the work that you under- 
 take. But one is enough for every woman, and 
 the work itself will be better done if each woman 
 would limit herself to one, and so be able to do 
 her portion thoroughly. Do I object to women 
 speaking in public? I do, most emphatically. 
 With the advanced woman I have no sympathy, 
 and I think the best influence a woman can wield 
 is in her own home, and by the example of her 
 own good and true life. I do not want my girls 
 
ISO 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 to be advanced women. I want them to be 
 healthy, happy, normal women, intelligent, well- 
 read, and above everything else, to understand the 
 art of making those bound by ties of blood cling 
 close to them. I do not think women can be 
 good politicians and good mothers, wives and 
 daughters, too. I do not think that a woman can 
 speak on politics to-night and be interested in 
 having a dainty dinner as a rest for her husband 
 to-morrow night. Our men are, sad as it seems, 
 slaves to money-making, and the least we can do 
 for them is to create a place where the keynote is 
 rest and warmth and love. She who spends her 
 time seeking votes, making speeches and arranging 
 blue books will find it impossible to think out the 
 proper way to perform household duties, to make 
 life pleasant for others, or to build a nest as it 
 should be built if it is to bear in golden letters the 
 name of Home.^* 
 
 CLUB LIFE AMONG WOMEN 
 
 Neither do I approve of the extent to which club 
 life among women has been carried. I do think it 
 charming for women to meet and talk over that which 
 is interesting to each other, but I rather like the 
 old-fashioned way, when all womankind met in 
 the afternoon, some with a bit of fancy-work, some 
 with hands that were resting, and then, as it grew 
 
The Restlessness of the Age 15 1 
 
 near supper-time, the husbands and sons appeared, 
 and after supper all had a merry time together. 
 The advanced woman says that was the day 
 of gossip, but I have been the guest of many 
 clubs, and I have never heard at a tea-party as 
 much malicious gossip as I have in these clubs, 
 which, first of all, demand that the members shall 
 be sisters in words as well as in deeds. This 
 sounds positive, but, my dear girl, it is true. The 
 malice and evil speaking that come out in the 
 ‘^society’' are just as prominent in the ‘^club,’' 
 and are, I think, a little more daring. The desire 
 for position is great, and the rivalry to be president 
 or chairman, or whatever the office may be, brings 
 out all the petty faults that the advanced woman 
 affects to scorn, and declares were relegated long 
 ago to the sewing circle.^’ 
 
 WHAT I WOULD LIKE 
 
 I would like my girls to do their work as they 
 should, have the pleasures which are theirs by right, 
 but not take on themselves unnecessary work, and 
 above all things, to avoid unnecessary haste. A 
 restful woman is the most gracious of nature ^s crea- 
 tions. She is the perfect flower of womanhood. 
 But the nervous, quivering, gasping bundle of 
 nerves, the result of too much hurry and too many 
 unnecessary duties, as represented by the advanced 
 
152 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 woman, is what I dread, that my girls should be- 
 come. If you go on an errand, go quietly, stead- 
 ily, and certainly. If you are exercising, walk 
 evenly and restfully ; do not rush and tear. If 
 you have an opinion to give, don’t set your 
 nerves to tingling and your heart to throbbing by 
 the haste with which you utter it. Say what you 
 have to say quietly, slowly, and distinctly. When 
 you are among women don’t attempt to talk when 
 everybody else is talking, for then your voice will 
 become that shrill falsetto which is the sign that 
 the nerves are all undone. Do what your hands 
 find to do, but don’t reach out and take work 
 that does not belong to you and which was never 
 intended for you. If you make yourself well and 
 strong, you can help the weak, but it is due to 
 those among whom you live that you care for 
 yourself mentally and physically. And be sure 
 that when the good God asks you as to your soul 
 He will also ask you how you have treated the 
 case given for it and which was made in His 
 likeness. Will you think over this and avoid the 
 vice of the day — hurry ? 
 
THE GIRL WHO GOES A-VISITING 
 
 AM sure with the pleasant summer 
 days that many an invitation comes 
 to my girls to go a-visiting. I hope 
 that each one may be able to accept, 
 and that her visit may be a succession of bright 
 and happy days worthy to be put down on the 
 book of life as among the golden ones. This 
 result, of course, depends largely on the girl her- 
 self. I can see her look at me with doubt as I say 
 this, and yet it is certainly true. People invite 
 others to have a good time, and surely it becomes 
 the duty of the visitor to meet this desire half way 
 and achieve what is wished. Your invitation has 
 come. If it does not state exactly how long your 
 friends wish you to stay, write and ask them, or if 
 you know them sufficiently well set an exact time 
 yourself, so that the housekeeper will understand 
 that you will arrive on a certain day by the four 
 o’clock train, and leave two weeks after on the ten 
 o’clock train. Do not allow anything to change 
 
154 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 this plan once it is made, for, my dear girl, it is 
 much better to go away and leave your hostess re- 
 gretting you than to stay and make her wish that 
 you had gone. To welcome the coming and 
 speed the parting guest ' ' is her business, and to go 
 away leaving a pleasant impression behind you is 
 yours. 
 
 THE DUTY OF THE VISITOR 
 
 Now you have started to visit at the house beau- 
 tiful, and as you go whirling through the country 
 on a fast train you must think over what you are 
 going to do. First of all, you are to be a pleasure 
 and not a trouble to your hostess ; your luggage 
 has been checked through, and, like a wise little 
 woman, you will have prepaid for its delivery at 
 the house. Arriving there and being greeted by 
 the various members of the family, you will be 
 taken to the room that is to be yours, and, unless 
 you have a very intimate girl friend there, you will 
 be left alone for a little while so that you may 
 straighten up your belongings, freshen yourself 
 and be ready to meet all the members of the family. 
 I am concluding that you are the girl who has no 
 maid to arrange your affairs and put them in their 
 proper place. Your hostess has very thoughtfully 
 cleared out a cupboard and a chest of drawers for 
 you, and you put away your gowns and underwear 
 with exactly the same care that you would if you 
 
The Girl who Goes A-visiting 155 
 
 were at home. There is a dainty cover on the 
 dressing-table, and, being a well-bred girl, you 
 will not stain that with perfumery, nor scorch it by 
 being careless with the lamp that heats your curl- 
 ing tongs. You will remember that your first duty 
 is to be as neat as possible in the room which has 
 been dedicated to you. If you are visiting where 
 only one servant is kept you will be wise and kind, 
 if, without being asked, you take care of your own 
 room, so making yourself of as little trouble as pos- 
 sible. ‘ It may be that at home you are a bit lazy, 
 but here it is your duty to be perfectly prompt, 
 especially at the breakfast-table, but you must not 
 appear until you know that that meal is ready. A 
 well-bred girl never keeps a table waiting, and 
 never, by word or manner, suggests that at her own 
 home the hours are different, or possibly more con- 
 venient. For the time being she is a member of 
 the house in which she is staying, and the member 
 who takes the greatest amount of care in being 
 courteous. 
 
 THE TIME TO DISAPPEAR 
 
 It always comes — that time when it is wise to 
 leave one’s hostess to herself. You may argue and 
 say, ^^But she asked me to come and see her.” 
 So she did, but she didn’t ask you to live with 
 her and to be a burden on her hands at all times 
 and hours. Have a bit of fancy-work or a book 
 
IS6 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 to which you can devote your time for a while, 
 and disappear, either on a veranda, to the library 
 if there is one, or, if there is no other place, to your 
 room. This gives your hostess time to arrange 
 her household affairs, to plan out the day, and 
 when she is ready, be sure she will come and seek 
 you. It is possible that you are visiting the daugh- 
 ter of a household, but whether it should be the 
 mother or the daughter the time for disappearing 
 should be observed, because, naturally, each will 
 have duties that need attention. You may be very 
 sure that a judicious absence will be appreciated by 
 whomsoever you may be visiting. But then, too, 
 you must be ready to do whatever your friends may 
 desire, and, my dear girl, show that you are satis- 
 fied with the arrangements made for your pleasure. 
 
 SOME OF THE MISTAKES 
 
 When you are a visitor yourself remember those 
 guests who were joys to you when you were act- 
 ing as hostess, and those whose visits were a con- 
 tinual misery. In very few households can the 
 general arrangements be so upset that the washing 
 of a visitor’s linen can be done in the house, her 
 clothes brushed or her shoes looked after. Now, 
 taking my advice, you will ask your hostess to 
 recommend you a laundress, and if someone in 
 the house does have time enough to do you one or 
 
The Girl who Goes A-visiting 157 
 
 two little services you must surely pay for them. 
 Remember that you are to be a pleasure and not 
 an expense, and therefore when little jaunts are 
 got up, or outings are arranged, you must take the 
 trouble to find out whether each one is paying 
 for herself, and if that is the arrangement, then 
 insist upon your hostess letting you pay your share. 
 A great many pleasant friends have been lost 
 through lack of thought in regard to money mat- 
 ters, and many women would entertain much more 
 if it were not that the visitors themselves were such 
 a heavy monetary expense. 
 
 Another something about which you must not 
 make a mistake is your morning manner ; you must 
 come to the breakfast-table neatly dressed, with 
 your hair properly arranged, greet everybody pleas- 
 antly, and, no matter how you may feel, impress 
 your friends with the fact that you are happy. 
 Then, too, try not to see or hear the unpleasant 
 words that are sometimes spoken in the family cir- 
 cle, and religiously close your eyes to whatever is 
 disagreeable, forcing yourself to forget, so that it 
 may be impossible for you ever to go away and 
 speak of that which happened while you were under 
 the roof of someone who had been kind to you. 
 
Side Talks with Girls 
 
 158 
 
 IN YOUR TRUNK 
 
 When you are packing your trunk try and put 
 in it everything that you will need, so that you will 
 not have to borrow from your hostess. You will re- 
 quire the silk or cotton matching your gowns, your 
 needles, scissors, and thimble, and if you are an 
 adept at artistic needlework I would suggest your 
 doing a pretty piece while you are visiting — one 
 that may be left as a souvenir of your visit with 
 your hostess. You must have with you your own 
 brushes, your letter-paper and pens, and when 
 you open your trunk you must put your things in 
 their proper places, giving them the same care 
 which you would if you were going to be in the 
 house a year instead of a week. Besides your 
 clothes there must be some virtues packed in your 
 trunk, virtues that you will take out and use all the 
 time. One is consideration. You will find that 
 a visitor well equipped with this will be much liked. 
 Another is punctuality, that virtue of kings. And 
 still another is neatness, a dainty little virtue spe- 
 cially adapted to young women. Then, too, there 
 is another little virtue which doesn’t always have 
 that name given it, but it certainly is one, and that 
 is pleasant small talk. You want to be able among 
 your friends, when you are out, and most especially 
 at the table, to talk pleasantly on subjects that are 
 
The Girl who Goes A-visiting 
 
 IS9 
 
 not personal, and by making yourself mistress of 
 the art of small talk you will be surprised to find 
 how agreeable you will be considered, and as you 
 do not discuss the affairs of the last establishment 
 where you visited you will make your hostess glad, 
 for she will know that her surroundings and what- 
 ever happens in her house will be shown the same 
 respect. 
 
 YOUR FRIEND’S FRIEND 
 
 Naturally, when it has been decided that you 
 are coming, your friend lets her friends and 
 acquaintances know that she expects you, and she 
 informs them that she will be glad to have them 
 all call on you. Now, it is possible that you may 
 meet one who is particularly attractive to you, 
 whose manner charms you and whose intelligence 
 is a delight to you. The attraction is mutual, but, 
 my dear girl, don’t make the mistake of letting this 
 new friend become more to you than the one with 
 whom you are staying. Accept from her only the 
 invitations that include your hostess, and if your 
 new acquaintance should invite you to come and 
 visit her, do not be rude enough to give her part of 
 the time that was intended for your old friend, but 
 if you wish to go to her, and your mother does not 
 object, make your arrangements for the time to be 
 after your first visit is finished. I do not approve 
 of staying at the houses of people whom you have 
 
i6o 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 just met. Such quick friendships are not likely 
 to last. 
 
 THE UNDESIRABLE VISITOR 
 
 You know her. She appears late and untidy at 
 breakfast, and shows by her listlessness that she is 
 dissatisfied with the food that is set before her. 
 Her room is very untidy, and she annoys the ser- 
 vants by asking favors of them when they are busi- 
 est. The children in the house worry her, and 
 she invites people who are strangers to you to pay 
 visits at times that are most inconvenient. When 
 you are going to take her for an outing she is late 
 and appears overdressed. Then she makes one of 
 the girls of the family unhappy by attempting to 
 attract her sweetheart from her and prove how 
 fickle he is. She is never satisfied, and she is always 
 telling you about the place where she stayed last 
 and how differently everything was done. She is 
 surprised that you have your dinner at the hour 
 that you do, and doesn't hesitate to say she isn't 
 hungry at that time. When you have taken a deal 
 of trouble to make the parlor dainty and sweet, 
 and shut out the glaring sun, she elects to write 
 her letters there, and fails to see why you shouldn't 
 prefer the brilliant daylight to stream in at all hours. 
 
 She is the guest you certainly are willing to 
 speed. And she is the guest that I do not wish my 
 girls to be like. She doesn't hesitate to borrow your 
 
The Girl who Goes A-visiting 
 
 i6i 
 
 belongings, she uses your letter-paper, and she 
 never has any stamps, but counts on the men of the 
 family buying them for her. Without speaking to 
 you she invites people to visit her whom you do 
 not wish to know, and she places you in such un- 
 comfortable positions in regard to these people that 
 you wish you had never met her. She tells you 
 that she knows you wish her to feel as if she were 
 at home, and all you can do is to smile very weak- 
 ly. Nobody wants a visitor to feel that. A vis- 
 itor should remember that she is not in her own 
 home, and that, while everybody wishes her to 
 enjoy herself, still she has no rights in the house- 
 hold — only those privileges which her hostess 
 grants her, and these she must respect. 
 
 This inconsiderate girl is the girl you are not to 
 be. 
 
 UNDER THE ROSE 
 
 While you are having a pleasant time with 
 your friend you must remember that you are 
 at all times under the rose and that on your lips 
 must be set the seal of silence. When you leave 
 you only remember all the pleasant things, and, be- 
 ing a high-minded girl, you criticise nothing. If, 
 by accident, you have heard a family secret, make 
 yourself forget it, and if you have been present at 
 that most unpleasant of all things, a family quarrel, 
 convince yourself that you are mistaken, if you 
 
 II 
 
i 62 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 remember it. Let all the pleasures and all the 
 lovingkindness stand out before you as boldly as 
 possible, and let everything else be blurred out with 
 the sponge of forgetfulness. I spoke of the family 
 quarrel. If, unfortunately, you should be in the 
 room when such a thing occurs, leave at once if 
 you possibly can, but if not, refuse to give any 
 opinion whatever, and after it is all over do not 
 discuss it with anybody. You must also forget 
 any reference to money matters you may hear, and 
 surely you are too kind-hearted, if you have visited 
 among people who are not wealthy, ever to speak 
 of the economies that you have noticed and which 
 were necessary. 
 
 NOT A BIT OF TROUBLE 
 
 That was what we all said about a girl who had 
 been visiting us. She was always there when we 
 wanted her, and when, for domestic reasons, we 
 desired to be alone, she had either gone out for a ■ 
 walk or was in her own room amusing herself. 
 She found everything that was done for her very 
 pleasant, and when the time came for her to go, 
 from the mother of the household down to the 
 servants, there was regret. She departed carrying 
 with her a loving invitation to come soon again — 
 an invitation that was direct from the hearts of 
 those who gave it. That is the sort of visitor I 
 
The Girl who Goes A-visiting 
 
 163 
 
 want every one of my girls to be : the one whose 
 coming is a delight, and whose going is a sorrow ; 
 the one who, while she is with us, is a pleasure in 
 the household, and who is spoken of after she has 
 gone as being the very nicest of girls. 
 
 Now, won’t you try to be the right kind of a 
 visitor ? Won’t you think over what I have said 
 and make yourself a joy to your hostess ? Won’ t you 
 be careful not to talk about disagreeable things, and 
 won’t you be more than careful not to criticise any- 
 thing or anybody ? For being among strangers, 
 you do not know whonj you may hurt. Think and 
 act always with the greatest consideration ; be sure 
 then you will have a good time, and when they all 
 say good-by to you it will be with regret, and, of 
 course, that is how you want them to feel. 
 
 This little bit of a sermon is given to my girls, 
 not because I believe they would do anything that 
 was wrong wilfully, but because they sometimes 
 forget. I want them to remember, and with the 
 remembrance will come the right action. 
 
THE ART OF TRAVELLING EASILY 
 
 ^ROM all over the country letters come 
 to me from girls who are going to 
 have an outing ; and as almost every 
 one of them has saved the money 
 for her trip by many sacrifices she wants to 
 obtain the greatest possible amount of pleasure 
 from the expenditure of it. Now, she cannot do 
 this unless she knows how to travel, which, by- 
 the-bye, doesn’t mean just the buying of a ticket 
 and the going from one place to another, but 
 also means doing it in the most comfortable 
 manner, and the most comfortable manner, curi- 
 ously enough, is always the easiest. To spend 
 money so that the greatest amount of pleasure and 
 comfort may be got from it is an art, and, oddly 
 enough, an art that is usually well understood 
 by girls who have plenty of money, and not very 
 well understood by those who have not. Person- 
 ally, I think there is economy in securing a 
 seat in a parlor-car, for then one is comfortably 
 
The Art of Travelling Easily 165 
 
 placed, one is sure of not being near objectionable 
 people, and travel is made so much easier and 
 pleasanter, and, I might add, safer. 
 
 MY GIRL^S TRAVELLING DRESS 
 
 Of course, it goes without saying that my girl is 
 going to be as neat as a Quakeress when she trav- 
 els ; that her frock will fit her well and easily ; 
 that her hat, while it is pretty and becoming, may 
 be brushed, and that it shows neither feathers nor 
 flowers upon it, and that her gloves, the loose, 
 heavy kid ones, have each button firmly buttoned. 
 Her shoes are very tidy, and if they are buttoned 
 ones the row of buttons is unbroken, but if by 
 chance she happens to like for summer-time low 
 tan shoes, her stockings match them, and the 
 strings are tied and warranted not to come un- 
 done. A very simple coat, tailor-made, is the 
 wrap which she carries, and which is assumed 
 when there is any draught. A coat is to be pre- 
 ferred to a short cape, for the reason that it covers 
 the arms, and really doesn’t give a breath of cold 
 air an opportunity to get close to one. 
 
 My girl enters the car with her parlor-car check 
 in her hand, and is very quickly ensconced where 
 she should be ; her bag, her shawl-strap, and two 
 or three small packages have all been put about her 
 by whoever has come to bid her good-by, and she 
 
i66 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 goes off amid good wishes to that city where she 
 knows she will receive a welcome. As soon as the 
 train has got well out she will, being wise, take 
 off her coat, hang it up, remove her hat and put 
 it in the rack, take off her gloves, put them in her 
 coat pocket, and then settle herself comfortably 
 to enjoy the passing panorama, or the book which 
 she has brought with her. She need never have 
 any hesitancy in touching the electric bell and 
 asking the porter where the ladies’ toilet-room is, 
 for this is something that the good traveller always 
 finds out. The hours fly by, and being a healthy 
 girl she finds to her astonishment that she is hungry ; 
 she looks at her watch and discovers to her sur- 
 prise that it is exactly her luncheon hour. It is 
 only a minute’s work to put the books aside, and 
 to pick up the small square package done up in 
 white paper and marked in blue pencil. 
 
 Somebody who was wise, very wise, knew that the 
 average lunch on the train was not only extremely 
 poor, but, for what was given, extremely expen- 
 sive, and so, for the girl who is going to have a 
 good time, there was a luncheon prepared. 
 
 ABOUT HER LUNCHEON 
 
 Just here I want to say a word or two to some 
 girls who have rather silly ideas about one’s right 
 to economize. These girls smile at the idea of 
 
The Art of Travelling Easily 167 
 
 taking a luncheon, and would rather foolishly spend 
 their money in getting a meal, because they thought 
 it looked the right thing, than in taking a lunch with 
 them. Of course, it may not be possible for you to 
 carry all your meals with you, but this first one 
 you certainly can. To the silly girl I would like 
 to say as an encouragement that the people whom 
 she envies and whom she calls the best,” are 
 always those who look out for their own comfort, 
 provided it does not interfere with that of any one 
 else. That eating one’s luncheon from a box 
 should to her suggest poverty is ridiculous ; it sug- 
 gests, instead, that one is fortunate enough to have 
 home people who look after one’s comfort. And 
 it may be added that no people so consistently 
 carry their luncheons with them as do the mem- 
 bers of the English aristocracy, whom she so much 
 admires. 
 
 WHAT IT MAY CONSIST OF 
 
 In the lunch-box, which, by-the-by, i§ a nice 
 clean white one, there is laid a dainty paper, the 
 kind that confectioners use, in which are four 
 or five delicate sandwiches made of thin bread 
 with the crust cut off, and having spread be- 
 tween them, over the thin scraping of butter, a 
 layer of canned meat, or thin slices of chicken, 
 tongue, or ham, finely minced. Then, wrapped up 
 in another piece of paper are some olives that have 
 
i68 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 been carefully dried before they were put in the 
 box, and for a dessert there is an apple or a pear, 
 and for a surprise there is a most delightful piece 
 of poundcake. No matter how fond of them you 
 are, do not have an orange put in your box ; they 
 are troublesome to eat and are apt to soil your 
 hands. Your lunch over, and you have eaten it 
 very slowly, you open your travelling bag, take 
 out your own towel, go down to the toilet-room 
 and give a little bath to your face and to your 
 hands. Ask the porter to throw away for you the 
 box in which your lunch was, or, indeed, if you 
 have some still remaining put it and the box back 
 among your belongings, for you don’t know what 
 your supper is going to be like. By-the-by, speak- 
 ing of the porter, I may mention that another econ- 
 omy is to fee him ; I do not mean extravagantly, 
 but moderately, and the fifty cents which you give 
 him, as well as your polite manner, will tend to 
 make him courteous and obliging during the trip. 
 
 ABOUT HER TRAVELLING BAG 
 
 In your travelling bag are not only the little 
 things that you will need on your journey, but a 
 sufficient number of your belongings for use, in 
 case your baggage should not arrive in time. 
 There is your brush and comb, your whisk, and 
 then you may have two towels, your own soap in 
 
The Art of Travelling Easily 169 
 
 its box and your sponge in its rubber bag. Your 
 toothbrush is carefully wrapped up, and if you wear 
 buttoned shoes your buttoner is in, but if you wear 
 laced ones you have an extra pair of laces in case 
 something should happen to those with which you 
 start out. If you are delicate and in the habit of 
 taking any medicine you will have your medicine 
 bottle with its glass fitted over paper tight over 
 the cork j then there will be your hand-glass, 
 which to save space and to keep from breaking, 
 may be wrapped in one of your towels, and there 
 will also be whatever jewelry you may possess 
 put in a case and very carefully wrapped up ; 
 however, if it is very valuable you had better have 
 a chatelaine bag and carry it about your person. 
 And then you have the slippers, either knitted 
 or very soft kid ones, which you will require for 
 night wear. 
 
 ABOUT HER SLEEPING TOILETTE. 
 
 The wise girl knows that nothing is quite so 
 desirable for wear in the sleeping-car as a wrapper 
 of dark-colored flannel. It may be stated as a 
 positive fact that women who try to make them- 
 selver look coquettish in a sleeping-car, and wear 
 elaborate negliges or lace-trimmed wrappers, show 
 extremely bad taste. Experience has taught my 
 girl that a wrapper of soft flannel in stripes of 
 
Side Talks with Girls 
 
 170 
 
 black and blue, made in the simplest fashion, is 
 most useful. When she is ready to go to bed, the 
 porter arranges her berth for her and she goes to 
 the toilet-room, taking with her her shawl-strapped 
 package. She removes her shoes and stockings, 
 puts on the knitted slippers that she has taken out 
 of her bag, removes any garments which she 
 pleases, and assuming her wrapper, which has been 
 folded in her shawl-strap, repairs to her berth. 
 After fastening the buttons of the curtains, she 
 disposes of her clothing as best she can, folding 
 each article smoothly and carefully, and placing her 
 money, watch, and tickets in her wrapper pocket. 
 And then she should try to rest — the porter will 
 call her in good season, and her ticket will not be 
 asked for during the night. In her strap, which 
 shows as its outer wrapping a shawl or travelling 
 rug, she may have her own pillow if she desires it. 
 But this is not a necessity, as the cars are supplied 
 with linen that is usually fresh and clean. In the 
 morning the wise girl will put on her stockings and 
 shoes in bed, leaving the lacing or buttoning of 
 them until later. Then she will assume her other 
 garments and repair to the toilet-room, where she 
 should as expeditiously as possible make herself 
 neat, trim, and fresh, that her friends who are to 
 meet her may not find her dusty, nor travel -stained. 
 This must be done quickly, that she may not be 
 classed among the women who are the dread of all 
 
The Art of Travelling Easily 17 1 
 
 considerate women on parlor-cars — the women 
 who take and hold possession of the toilet-room as 
 if it were a fort. 
 
 ABOUT HER ARRIVAL 
 
 If friends are to meet you and entertain you there 
 is nothing for you to trouble about except the find- 
 ing of them in the great crowd which is likely to 
 be assembled at the station. But if you are going 
 to a hotel it is a little different, and now I want 
 you to take my advice about this. Do not take a 
 strange cab, but the carriage or omnibus that bears 
 the name of the hotel. When you reach the hotel 
 you will be shown to the reception-room ; then 
 send word by the servant that you wish to speak 
 to the clerk, giving the servant your card. When 
 the clerk comes tell him, if such is the case, that 
 your rooms were engaged by letter or wire, if not, 
 tell him exactly what you want, and what you 
 wish to pay. Make the matter perfectly business- 
 like. Sometimes it is wise to mention the name 
 of whoever recommended you to the hotel, espe- 
 cially if you are entirely alone. If your trunk has 
 not come up with you give the check for it to the 
 clerk, who will attend to it for you, and I do not 
 think you will have any trouble. In this country 
 women who are alone are respected, and if you 
 are quietly dressed and ladylike in your appearance 
 
172 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 men in all stations of life will respect you and show 
 you the deference due your sex. 
 
 ABOUT THE HOTEL 
 
 The girl who is stopping at a hotel, whether she 
 is alone or in a party, must understand that con- 
 spicuous gowning in the dining-room or about the 
 hotel is in extremely bad taste. At a famous hotel 
 in Washington they always conclude that the 
 woman who wears a tea-gown in the dining-room 
 knows nothing about hotel life, and in this they 
 are correct. Your gowns want to fit you well ; 
 they may be as smart as you desire, but they must 
 be quiet, and they must not expose your neck or 
 arms. If you are going out with friends after din- 
 ner and wish to wear an elaborate toilette then as- 
 sume it after dinner. But do not go into the 
 public room dressed in your party frock. Then 
 about service. It is quite true that you are paying 
 for service, but that service has its limits and it 
 does not mean the running of your errands, the 
 attending to your personal affairs, unless you pay 
 extra for it. If you wish a carriage find out di- 
 rectly from the office exactly how much it will 
 cost you, and do not put yourself in the position 
 of having to wrangle over the -price. There is 
 probably no better test of a well-bred woman than 
 her appearance and manner in the cars or in a 
 
The Art of Travelling Easily 1:73 
 
 hotel. She may never have been in such places 
 before, but instinct teaches her that the more 
 quietly she is dressed and the more quiet is her be- 
 havior the more certain is she to impress strangers 
 with the fact that she bears the hall mark of gen- 
 tility. 
 
 ABOUT HER ACQUAINTANCES 
 
 I mean the acquaintances who, like weeds, 
 spring up by the wayside. Some of my girls tell 
 me about meeting pleasant men in cars, and ask 
 if there is any reason why the acquaintance should 
 not be kept up. Perhaps I am a little positive, 
 but I do not think such acquaintance ought ever 
 to begin. I know that very often courtesies are 
 shown to young women who are travelling alone, 
 courtesies that it is difficult to refuse, but it is usu- 
 ally well to refuse them, inasmuch as all the ser- 
 vice required can be gotten from the porter, or is 
 furnished by the car itself. I would suggest most 
 positively that to a service offered, a girl should 
 say a ‘Hhank you’^ that carries in its intonation 
 a quiet hint that no further acquaintance is de- 
 sired. I do not deny that many times men of 
 good breeding and of honor are desirous of being 
 kind to women who are strangers and alone. But 
 the wolf in sheep’s clothing is equally gentle in 
 his manner, and few young women can distinguish 
 
174 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 the real from the imitation. Therefore, my dear 
 girl, be satisfied with the friends you have. 
 
 Start out determined to have a good time. Put 
 in your travelling bag a great lump of hope; make 
 as little as possible of the troubles and as much as 
 possible of the pleasures, and when you are talk- 
 ing it all over you will say : I never had such 
 
 a good time in my life. ’ ^ And maybe somebody 
 who is a bit like me will whisper to you: ‘^It 
 was because you started out with that intention. 
 My girl, one makes or mars most of the pleasures 
 of life oneself. If you are only determined to 
 see nothing but the silver lining it will always 
 appear. ' * God bless every one of you and make 
 you have a happy time wherever you may be. 
 
THE MOTHER OF MY GIRL 
 
 OMETIMES my girl is seven years 
 old, sometimes she is fifteen, some- 
 times she is eighteen and again she 
 may be any age and yet feel as 
 though she would like to be mothered a little. 
 And when I read her letters I wonder what the 
 mothers all over the world are doing. I wonder 
 if they remember that when the great command- 
 ment was given that respect should be shown to 
 parents by their children, it was meant just as 
 certainly that a respect should be shown to 
 children by their parents, and especially by their 
 mothers? Your girl has come into this world 
 endowed with a brain and a heart, and your first 
 duty is to cultivate both. Then she may be sen- 
 sitive, she may be quick-tempered, she may be 
 nervous, where you are stolid, calm, and equable. 
 Now, my friend, the obligation you owe that girl 
 is a great one. You have got to think out her 
 character and cater to it. I do not mean that you 
 
176 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 must give her the privilege of doing what she 
 pleases. I do not mean that in your desire to be 
 a good mother that you must make her selfish ; 
 but you must understand her, and you must ht 
 tender and patient with her. One girl may be able 
 to endure what is commonly known as a good 
 talking to,’’ and be all the better for it; another 
 girl, given the same treatment, may suffer agony 
 and grow to hate her mother. Possibly you think I 
 am exaggerating, but if you will take the trouble 
 to study your own and other girls, you will find 
 that there is truth in what I say. 
 
 THE SENSITIVE GIRL 
 
 You who lack all romance, have no imagina- 
 tion, who do not mind hearing the plain unvar- 
 nished truth, have been given a daughter who 
 finds her greatest happiness in the world of imag- 
 ination ; her feelings are easily hurt ; she longs, 
 not only for love, but for the expression of it. 
 The other day when she came up to you, leaned 
 over your shoulder and kissed you gently, you 
 said, Oh, nonsense ! ” and gave her a little push. 
 I don’t think she will ever try to kiss you again. 
 And yet, in your heart, you were pleased at the 
 kiss, but you had so long thought it foolish to 
 give an outward sign of the inward love that you 
 felt it almost as your duty to act as you did. 
 
The Mother of My Girl 
 
 177 
 
 Then, when she came in late to dinner, and 
 there was company at the table, you said to her 
 before everybody, No matter how much you 
 were interested in that book you will have to be 
 on time at this table, or go without your dinner.’' 
 There was a lump in her throat, and her heart 
 swelled as if it would burst. She couldn’t eat 
 anything and then you called her sulky. Now 
 she ought not to have been late, but then you 
 ought not to have reproved her before others. 
 The reprimand should have taken a different 
 form and been given when you and she were 
 alone. Her love for you should have been ap- 
 pealed to, and she ought to have been told how 
 badly it looked for strangers to see her unpunctual, 
 and how it made her mother appear as if she did 
 not train her properly. This girl will either 
 find an intimate friend who will become her 
 confidante, or else she will live along an unhappy 
 life alone, and at the first opportunity that offers 
 leave her home. And you will wonder at her in- 
 gratitude and think that because you have fed, 
 clothed, and sheltered her, you have done all that 
 was necessary. 
 
 THE GREAT RESPONSIBILITY 
 
 When God gave you that little life He gave it 
 to you that you might train it up in the way it 
 
 12 
 
178 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 should go, but He expected that mother-love 
 would make you study the difference between 
 one girl and another, and make you discover the 
 best way to give happiness to your own girl. 
 Sometimes when she gets to be sixteen, you com* 
 plain that you had hoped to find so much comfort 
 in her, but that she seeks strangers instead of you 
 and finds her greatest pleasure away from you. 
 Think back during the years. 
 
 Remember when the child came to you with 
 the story of her joys and you told her you were 
 too busy to listen. Remember when she came into 
 the parlor where you were entertaining friends, 
 and you told her to go out, that grown-up people 
 wanted to talk about things she mustn’t listen 
 to. As you did this, why are you surprised that 
 she should be far away from you now ? Why 
 should you wonder that her closest friend is not 
 her mother, but some young girl who lives in the 
 neighborhood ? 
 
 BE CAREFUL HOW YOU SPEAK 
 
 Once, when your girl was very little, she asked 
 to be allowed to choose her own hat. She had the 
 instincts of an artist, and she knew the hat you 
 bought her didn’t suit her, but you insisted on her 
 wearing it. Now, why couldn’t you have given in 
 to her ? If she had chosen something too delicate, 
 
The Mother of My Girl 
 
 179 
 
 or too expensive, you could have explained to her 
 the reason why it was impossible, and then, be- 
 tween you, something could have been selected 
 that would have pleased both. As it was, your girl 
 went home, looked at herself in the glass and made 
 up her mind she was ugly ; that it didn’t make any 
 dilference what she did, that nobody cared for her 
 because she was ugly and that nobody ever would. 
 And she suffered as only a sensitive girl can suffer. 
 And I would like to warn you, my friend, that the 
 sins you commit against your children will cer- 
 tainly, either here or hereafter, rise up very black 
 before you. 
 
 I know of two women who were told, when they 
 were children, that they were ugly. One of them 
 brooded over it, was hurt by it, never ceased 
 thinking of it, was awkward and shy, until one 
 day, when she was about sixteen, she met a man 
 who loved her and who married her. He laughed 
 at the idea of her being ugly ; he took her to a 
 mirror and showed her a pair of bright eyes, and 
 he told her that her hair was beautiful. She was 
 slender, it is true, and a bit sallow, but a year’s 
 travel and a year’s love, and a year’s constant be- 
 lief that after all she was not ugly, made her, if not 
 a beautiful, at least an attractive woman, while 
 becoming dresses brought about ease of manner, 
 and the ugly duckling, to everybody’s surprise, 
 was counted among the swans. But to this day she 
 
i8o 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 has never forgotten and never ceased to dislike the 
 people who told her she was ugly. 
 
 And the other girl ? That was a tragedy. She 
 bore the comparison between her and her sister 
 until she was^ seventeen, and then, unhappy, 
 wretched child, she killed herself. Now don’t 
 you think you ought to consider your daughters ? 
 You will not hurt them by telling them of any 
 charm they may possess. There is a dear girl of 
 my acquaintance whose quick temper was cured 
 by a wise mother telling her of the beauty of her 
 eyes and of how differently they looked when she 
 was angry. 
 
 ABOUT HER RELIGION 
 
 There comes a time in every girl’s life when the 
 question of right and wrong presents itself to her 
 very positively. She has heard prayers and ser- 
 mons all her li fe long, but she has not thought. Sud- 
 denly, sometimes from a physical, sometimes from 
 a mental state, she is overcome with the thought 
 of religion, and a desire to do what is right. Just 
 at this time she needs her mother to guide her ; 
 she wants that mother to teach her that religion is 
 for every-day use; that it is something in life 
 which has a close relation with the rest of the world, 
 and that it is not merely the going off, either to 
 church or to her room, and throwing herself into 
 a state of ecstasy. Her mother must teach her 
 
The Mother of My Girl 
 
 i8i 
 
 that religion is worth nothing unless it makes her 
 more patient, more charitable, more willing to do 
 the work which is at that time her task, and more 
 eager to let faith exemplify itself in beautiful acts. 
 Make your girl understand the beauty of belief, 
 and, if she should cite to you some of the miserable 
 clap-trap that is said against it, tell her of the wise 
 men and women who have been believers and lived 
 noble lives. Don’t attempt to argue with her, but 
 give her facts to think over, and try to teach her 
 the advantage of thinking out things for herself. 
 Tell her to seek the privacy of her own room, say 
 a little prayer there, and ask God to make her see 
 life as it is, and to make her live her own as she 
 should. Go with her sometimes and share this 
 quiet little prayer, but always do your best to make 
 her realize that what her life shall be rests with her ; 
 that God and her mother will help, but that she is 
 the one who will have to live through the long 
 years, and that it is she who must decide to live them 
 well. She wants your encouragement j she wants 
 her faith to be strengthened by yours, and surely 
 you will not deny this to her, but putting your 
 arm about her, you two, mother and daughter, 
 will walk together, helping each other as long as 
 God is pleased that it shall be. It is the mother’s 
 place to bear with her patiently, and show this 
 girl, to whom religion has just come as the great 
 motive of life, what it means in life, and, my dear 
 
i 82 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 mother, this can be easily done by setting a good 
 example, and by encouraging your daughter’s faith. 
 
 ABOUT HER SWEETHEART 
 
 Some day your girl blushes and stammers and 
 looks extremely conscious, and if you are her con- 
 fidante she tells you about the young man who 
 walked home from church with her. The wise 
 mother will take that purely as a matter of course, 
 say that it is very polite in him and ignore the 
 blushes and the shyness. But she will find out 
 about that young man ; and then, when she thinks 
 it proper, she will invite him herself to come into 
 the home. There he will be seen as he is, and 
 time will prove whether he is the real sweetheart, 
 or whether he merely turns out to be one of the 
 pleasant friends which it is always a girl’s right to 
 have in her mother’s home. Many girls have 
 made bad marriages and foolish ones simply be- 
 cause they never saw the man whom they event- 
 ually married except in the house of strangers, at 
 entertainments, or when these two were entirely 
 alone. And no girl ever became thoroughly ac- 
 quainted with a man in this way. The wise 
 mother will sympathize with her girl in the story 
 of her sweetheart ; will have him around very 
 much with all of them, will make him one of them, 
 so that the girl sees his virtues and his faults, and 
 
The Mother of My Girl 1S3 
 
 has an opportunity to decide whether she loves 
 him well enough to, not only admire the first, but 
 bear with the second. She is a bad mother who 
 makes her girl’s small vanity at the admiration 
 shown her by a young man, a subject of ridicule, 
 for at once the girl’s heart will close up, and never 
 again will she confide in her mother. I wish, oh 
 so much, that mothers would think of this. Surely, 
 then, more girls would be saved from unhappy 
 marriages and fewer lives would be made wretched 
 forever. 
 
 THE GIRL’S VIRTUES 
 
 Can you expect your girl to be charitable when 
 in her presence you do not hesitate to talk of your 
 neighbors maliciously ? Can you expect your girl 
 to be free from envy when, in a fault-finding way, 
 you compare what you have with that which is 
 possessed by your richer neighbor ? Can you ex- 
 pect your girl to be modest when you show no 
 respect for her and think that she need not mind 
 saying or doing anything before her mother ? Can 
 you expect your girl to tell the truth, when, to save 
 yourself a little trouble, or because it would involve 
 a long explanation, or for some equally silly reason, 
 you do not hesitate to tell a falsehood ? Can you 
 expect your girl to give to you the respect that is 
 due when she hears you laugh and make a jest of 
 your own mother’s peculiarities ? Can you expect 
 
184 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 your girl’s religion to be one to live by when she 
 sees that it has no part in your daily life ? Can 
 you expect your girl to be a good and noble 
 woman when you are petty and selfish and trifling ? 
 
 Every day in your life you must remember that 
 you are the living example that your daughter is to 
 follow. Every morning you ought to pray for help 
 to live so well during the day that your daughters 
 will find in you their ideal of the perfect woman. 
 The girl who is happy enough to have her mother 
 represent all that is good, is the girl who cannot 
 but be good herself. So much of it rests with you. 
 I tell you the cry of the children all over the land 
 is for mothers, for thoughtful mothers, loving 
 mothers, and sympathetic mothers. So many girls 
 are hungry for a little love and a little sympathy, 
 and you, who should be so generous with them — 
 you, from whom they have a right to ask so much 
 — you let them starve. Certainly your reward 
 will come to you ; there would be no justice if it 
 did not, and knowing this, I beg of you to think 
 of your children, and be mothers, not strangers 
 to them. 
 
 IN YOUR OLD AGE 
 
 Then it will all come up before you — the mistakes 
 that you have made. And you will realize that 
 not only have you failed in your duty toward God 
 
The Mother of My Girl 185 
 
 in not caring for the soul that He trusted to you, 
 but that your sins have come back to you and 
 you are suffering for them. Your daughter cares 
 nothing for you. You lacked interest in her when 
 she was young, and now she is not interested in 
 you. If you live with her she finds you a burden ; 
 she is as far from you as if she were not flesh of 
 your flesh, and you are alone and old, and the con- 
 solations of love and gratitude do not come to 
 you. Do you want an old age like that? Do 
 think of it while there is time. Think of it and 
 be to your girl all that you should be, not because 
 of what you look for in the future, but because it 
 is right, and because you want to make your girl 
 happy. Your sons may love, honor, and revere 
 you ; but as the years go on it is your daughter 
 who is closest to you — your woman child. Make 
 her girlhood a happy one, and be sure that when 
 she is a mother she will make other girls happy, 
 and so the good seed will be planted, and from 
 generation to generation the good that you have 
 done will grow like a beautiful green vine until it 
 covers all of the house of life. Your girl can be 
 so much to you even now, and she stretches out 
 her hands so eagerly, asking for affection and sym- 
 pathy. Surely you cannot refuse to give her the 
 gospel measure, pressed down and running over. 
 
MY SWEETHEART AND I 
 
 ^HAT’S the way I think it ought to be 
 worded. Because, then, the trace of 
 selfishness that suggests itself in Me 
 and My Sweetheart is entirely lost. 
 And there can be no real love where selfishness exists. 
 You may smile at this, my dear girl, and think that 
 then there must be very little love in the world ; 
 there is only a little bit, but you have a right to 
 your share of it. Your sweetheart and you ! I 
 wonder if you know what that means to people 
 whose sweethearts have drifted from them, 
 whose sweethearts have forgotten them, or whose 
 sweethearts have been taken away from them by 
 that inexorable tyrant. Death ? The days are long 
 and sunshiny, and the knowledge that you possess 
 a sweetheart, a real one, ought, it seems to me, 
 make your heart dance with delight, every duty 
 become a pleasure, and every pleasure seem 
 tripled. 
 
My Sweetheart and I 
 
 187 
 
 Perhaps you have known your sweetheart for 
 years, perhaps you have only known him for a few 
 months, but, nevertheless, he has discovered that 
 you are the one woman for him, and the one whom 
 he wishes to have walk beside him all his life, shar- 
 ing his sorrows and his joys. And you ? You 
 are only too glad to be his companion. And thus 
 being of one mind, it becomes necessary that you 
 shall think out what are your duties toward each 
 other, for life is not all love, though, as far as you 
 two are concerned, you may make it so. 
 
 MAKE HIM YOUR FRIEND 
 
 First of all it is necessary that your sweetheart 
 should be your companion and your affectionate 
 friend, as well as your lover. Indeed, unless you 
 combine these two — the friend and the lover — the 
 love will wear away, and the lover will grow weary. 
 So, it seems good and right that you should think 
 of the things which interest him, and also think out 
 things which ought to interest him, and by pleasant 
 talk make him aware of them. What I mean, my 
 dear girl, is that while the expression of love is 
 right and proper, and that it is quite right that the 
 man who is to be your husband should greet you 
 with a loving kiss and words that tell of his affec- 
 tion for you, still your hold on him will be greater 
 if you make him interested in the books you have 
 
i88 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 read and the plays you have seen, or if you talk to 
 him about some question which has interested you 
 and about which you have a decided opinion. In 
 this way you will become companionable ; and, let 
 me tell you, that while it is the easiest thing in the 
 world for a young girl to get a sweetheart, it is only 
 by becoming his good friend that she can keep him. 
 
 THE MARMALADE OF LOVE 
 
 ^^But,’^ says some girl who has very independ- 
 ent ways, why shouldn’t he cater to my ideas; 
 why should I cater to his ? ” Oh, my dear, what 
 a mistake you are making. You are not catering 
 to his ideas, you are only doing that which is right 
 and womanly, and endeavoring to keep the love 
 which you have gained. You may discuss nothing 
 more serious than the difference between yellow and 
 brown hair, and your sweetheart may say to you 
 that brown locks are the loveliest in the world, and 
 his eyes may tell you the reason why he thinks so. 
 Then you may defend golden hair the evening 
 through, and when you two part you have had a 
 merry little time, you have made your sweetheart 
 forget the cares of life, and it has been entirely be- 
 cause you talked about something that each was 
 interested in. Another evening it may be a book ; 
 another evening you may let him explain to you 
 all about the politics of the country, and still an- 
 
My Sweetheart and / 
 
 189 
 
 other happy time you two may build castles in the 
 air about the little home which is to be yours, 
 which you both look forward to as a positive real- 
 ity. Treat your sweetheart always as a friend ; let 
 him know of the great love that is at your heart, 
 and let it find expression in words once and a 
 while, but remember that a continued expression 
 of it is like the giving of many teaspoonfuls of 
 marmalade — the hungry one will tire of it, and 
 yearn for plain bread and butter. Give plenty of 
 the bread and butter of affectionate friendship, and 
 every now and then add to it a spoonful of mar- 
 malade of love. 
 
 I like the old-fashioned word sweethearting.’' 
 But it, like all good things, has its written and 
 unwritten laws, which must be strictly observed 
 by the girl who wishes to retain her sweetheart’s 
 respect as well as love. I think the law that must 
 be most closely observed is that of discretion. 
 
 SURROUNDED BY YOUR FAMILY 
 
 But that one little word, discretion, covers a 
 very wide ground. It means that not only must 
 you be careful in what you say and think, but 
 you must be wise in the giving of good things, 
 and no matter how much your sweetheart may 
 seem to long for your presence, you must not let 
 him have too much of it. When he comes to see 
 
190 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 you in the evening let him come where all the 
 rest are, mother and those bad boys, and the other 
 girls — let him come right into your home-life, 
 see what it is like and how you fill your place ; 
 in time your interests will become his. You hang 
 your head when I say this — you think you would 
 rather see him alone ; well, it is not such a long 
 time since mother was a girl herself, and she will 
 manage, before he goes, that you shall have fifteen 
 minutes, or half an hour, to talk over with him 
 whatever seems of most importance to you. That 
 half-hour will appear more to both of you than 
 all the rest of the evening, but do you think it 
 would have been counted so valuable if you two 
 had been alone all the time ? 
 
 It is possible that your sweetheart is going to 
 escort you to a concert ; then let him take you 
 from the very midst of your family, your mother 
 wishing that you may have a good time, and, my 
 dear girl, if he always thinks of you as surround- 
 ed by care and consideration, his self-respect, 
 when he is honored with the charge of you, will 
 keep him from doing or saying anything that 
 would not be done or said in the home nest. 
 
 SMALL COURTESIES OF LIFE 
 
 It is possible that your sweetheart may never 
 have had any sisters to tell him of the little things 
 
My Sweetheart and 1 
 
 191 
 
 that annoy women, and that he has never before 
 cared enough for a girl to give her the right to 
 make known to him what she thinks are odd little 
 ways. Once or twice he has caught you by the 
 arm in getting through a crowd, or when you 
 were walking together in the evening ; naturally 
 you did not like that. Well, tell him so, but 
 don’t draw your arm away and be cross about 
 it; instead, look him right straight in the face, 
 and say: ^^Dear boy, I would so much rather 
 
 lean on you than have you lean on me.” Then 
 slip your hand where it belongs, under his left 
 arm, close to his heart. Suppose your sweet- 
 heart should incline to scarfs you don’t admire. 
 I once heard a girl tell a man she hated him 
 because he wore a pale blue scarf. You needn’t 
 be as positive as that, but you can suggest to 
 him that as a blonde he always looks better in 
 an all-black scarf, while as a brunette he can 
 wear the white ones all day and put on the 
 black ones for very formal occasions. Men are 
 very much what women make them, and it is 
 the easiest thing in the world to teach your 
 sweetheart how to act and dress according to 
 the social laws, and he will never dream that he 
 is being taught, but will believe that every sug- 
 gestion has emanated from his own brain. Let 
 him understand that he is never to be anything 
 but respectful and considerate of your family, 
 
192 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 and make this an unwritten law by showing re- 
 spect and consideration for his. 
 
 Never permit him to gossip over the affairs of 
 his family with you. Their secrets are not 
 yours, and you have no right to know them. 
 If something is forced upon you, make up your 
 mind to think the best of it. This is some- 
 thing you will never regret. Don’t let your 
 sweetheart, because you have told him you love 
 him, neglect any of the little courtesies about 
 which you were so careful before he had gotten 
 this confession of your love. Set nothing down 
 to lack of thought, but giving proper thought to 
 all small politenesses yourself, exact the same 
 from him. Never let that meanest of all things, 
 jealousy, enter your heart. If the man is worth 
 your love, if you have promised to trust and 
 believe in him, you are wronging him when 
 you permit suspicion to come to you, and it 
 will injure you in every way. If, before you 
 told him your love, you had not thought out 
 whether the love he offered you was a good and 
 true one, then it is possible you deserve to suf- 
 fer from your carelessness, but if you believe in 
 your sweetheart you are insulting him when you 
 let yourself become a prey to jealousy. Polite- 
 ness is one of the cardinal virtues, and its great 
 value is never so much appreciated as when every 
 one of its laws observed between people who care 
 
My Sweetheart and I 
 
 193 
 
 for each other. A slighting word, a rude gesture, 
 or an impolite action has done more to break 
 love than all the unfaithfulness or change of heart 
 that ever existed. A great break can be healed, but 
 a thousand little ones can only result in total de- 
 struction. I call on you, if you want to retain 
 your sweetheart, to remember this. 
 
 JUSTICE AND GENEROSITY 
 
 It is undoubtedly pleasant to receive presents 
 from those we love, and usually a girl’s sweetheart 
 enjoys giving to her. But many a young man has, 
 because of his love, been more generous than just, 
 by giving the girl he loved gifts that he could not 
 afford. For this reason the wise maiden will refuse 
 to accept, even from her sweetheart, gifts of great 
 value, and when she comes to know all his affairs 
 she may show greater wisdom by refusing to take 
 anything of greater worth than a flower or a few 
 sweets. Every girl loves a pretty ring, and for 
 this reason many a man has gone into debt to give 
 to the girl of his heart a diamond ring, which he 
 could not afford, but which she seemed to yearn 
 for. Personally, I think it in much better taste 
 for a girl to have a very simple engagement ring, 
 a gold loveknot or a blue enamelled one being really 
 more appropriate for the engagement than a ring 
 set with precious stones. There is a certain vul- 
 garity in the wearing of jewels by young girls, and 
 
 13 
 
194 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 that it is an engagement ring does not excuse the 
 assumption of an enormous diamond. A ring 
 which has some sentiment attached to it, or one 
 that has its own story for two, is a thousand times 
 more to be desired than the kind of ring that can 
 be bought by anybody. Certainly you do not 
 want to begin your engagement with, as its 
 souvenir, a ring that has caused your sweetheart to 
 assume a debt, for that would be a very bad com- 
 mencement. 
 
 If your sweetheart is away from you it goes with- 
 out saying that you will write to each other. Now, 
 I do not want to start a grain of suspicion in your 
 mind, but I must say : do not write to him every- 
 thing you would say. Men are proverbially care- 
 less, and you do not know whose eyes may rest 
 upon your letters, and strangers might find in them 
 a source of amusement that would be extremely 
 mortifying to you. Then, too, while you may 
 give your sweetheart, for his own special pleasure, 
 one picture, do not let him decorate his rooms 
 with innumerable photographs of you for strangers^ 
 eyes to rest upon and strangers’ lips to criticise. 
 Frenchmen say that if you are looking for the 
 woman a man loves you will not find her picture 
 in his room ; that though there may be pictures of 
 many other women there, the woman of his heart 
 cannot be found. It is the woman who is not 
 there whom he loves. 
 
My Sweetheart and / 
 
 195 
 
 ABOUT YOUR RELIGION 
 
 Sometimes you tell me that you and your sweet- 
 heart get into heated religious discussions. If I 
 were you I wouldn’t do this. No man was ever 
 convinced of the beauty of religion by argument. 
 You must make your faith a living one to impress 
 your lover with its beauty and worth. Your re- 
 ligion must show itself in your every-day life, and 
 by your works he will know how great and beauti- 
 ful a thing it is. I do not think that happy mar- 
 riages ensue when people have exactly opposite 
 opinions, and very decided ones, about their be- 
 liefs, and for that reason I should not advise your 
 acceptance of a man whose faith is different from 
 your own. Many a girl will tell you that she 
 knows of such marriages, but a happy marriage 
 presupposes similarity of thought about matters of 
 great importance, and certainly one’s religion is 
 the most important. Faiths in which people have 
 been born and educated mean much to them, and 
 a house divided against itself is certain to fall. 
 Into the religious question about you and your 
 sweetheart comes the consideration due to your 
 father and mother, and I must say, in answer to 
 many of my girls, that I cannot advise them to 
 marry against the wishes of their parents. I be- 
 lieve that if a girl will tell her father that she be- 
 
196 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 lieves she loves a certain man, and will ask why he 
 objects to him, that she will be made to understand 
 it all. Fathers are reasonable creatures, especially 
 where the happiness of their daughters is concerned, 
 for we all know that, though they may have a cer- 
 tain pride in their sons, it is their daughters who 
 always get closest to their hearts. 
 
 A TINY SERMON 
 
 To the girl who has a sweetheart I would say be 
 as careful of your love as if it were the most fragile 
 china, and do not let it ever be nicked in any 
 way, for you want nothing less than a perfect love. 
 This may be yours if you will guard your love. 
 Your love may be as ideal as you please, and yet, 
 because love itself is above the mere things of earth, 
 it can yet govern your life practically, so that, for 
 dear love's sake, the unkind word will not be spoken, 
 and the cruel thought will never enter your heart. 
 Sometimes, for dear love's sake, we suffer, but the 
 love itself is so well worth having, that one can 
 endure the pain. To you and your sweetheart I 
 say be faithful, be true, be loving, have a great 
 affection for the friend, with the great love that 
 goes to the sweetheart, and you will attain that 
 perfect union which, on the day when you two 
 become one, will show itself in your lover's face, 
 and the lookers-on will know that ‘‘the heart of 
 her husband doth safely trust in her." 
 
THE MANTLE OF CHARITY 
 
 is the one garment the fashion of 
 which never changes. The years may 
 go and come, and yet she who 
 cloaks herself in this mantle is at 
 once happy herself and the giver of happiness. In 
 cut it never alters. It is always large and full, 
 so that it can envelop those who are unhappy and 
 give them warmth and comfort. Like the cloak 
 worn by the prince in the fairy tale, it is invisible 
 to all but those whose eyes are made clear by faith. 
 It is the garment that I would like my girls to 
 wear. It is true that much patience and much 
 self-denial are required before this cloak is put on, 
 as it should be, for all time ; but once assumed, 
 the amount of joy to be gotten from it, and the 
 happy heart -beats to the wearers of it, cannot pos- 
 sibly be overestimated. 
 
193 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 UNDER THE GOOD CLOAK 
 
 It is almost impossible for you to listen to un- 
 kind words, yet I want to tell you of the different 
 methods of repelling gossip should it come to you. 
 This kind of chatter, which isn’t always evil, is, 
 unfortunately, the beginning of that gossip which 
 in time drifts into being malicious, and induces 
 the speakers to think that a clever thing, even if 
 it is bitter and sarcastic, is right and proper to 
 say. Now, you who are bright and merry can 
 stop this sort of talk very quickly, and the best 
 way is by showing not only an absolute indifference 
 to it, but by being so quiet that your stillness at- 
 tracts attention ; then it will soon dawn upon the 
 talkers that your silence means scorn. 
 
 ^^But,” says my bright girl, suppose they 
 are saying disagreeable things of my friend ? ’ ’ 
 Then, of course, you must defend her, but be care- 
 ful in your defence. Make it a quiet and reason- 
 able one, and not an excited defence that is with- 
 out argument, and which only tells how much 
 you care for the friend against whom the disagree- 
 able words are being said. Sometimes, more is 
 the pity, the truth is told, but told in a hard, un- 
 kind way. Then, if I were you, I should say, 
 ^^That is true, but this girl is my friend, and I, 
 for one, would rather not hear it. Suppose we 
 
The Mantle of Charity 
 
 199 
 
 all think of the worst about ourselves and how an 
 account of it would sound if it were told.'^ In 
 the presence of scandal -mongers take under your 
 mantle of charity all those people whom you can 
 defend, and show your contempt for evil-speakers 
 by defending the right if you can ; or by keeping 
 perfectly quiet. 
 
 FOR EVERY-DAY USE 
 
 Not just for festive occasions. For your cloak 
 must be worn all the time, and your charity must 
 be not only of words and deeds, but of looks. A 
 pleasant smile will sometimes make a great many 
 people feel happy when before they were all, as 
 the children say, ^^as cross as sticks.*^ Charity 
 really means consideration. When you go into 
 the breakfast-room you may wonder that your 
 mother is quiet and seems a little troubled and 
 not very much interested in the idle talk of the 
 children. Be sure that to mother’s brain come 
 many worries and frets ; she has to think out the 
 arrangement of the household ; she has to con- 
 sider how best the limited sum of money can be 
 disposed of, and so you must bring to her pres- 
 ence all the consideration you can, and try and lift 
 at least some of the burdens from her shoulders. 
 
 You are employed in an office; you may find 
 your superior a little irritable, inclined to be fault- 
 
200 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 finding and showing himself anything but pleased 
 at the morning events. Go along and do your 
 work properly and exactly ; when spoken to an- 
 swer pleasantly ; do what is absolutely right, and 
 if fault is found with you you can afford to forgive 
 it because you know that time will prove all 
 things. While you have a minute to think, re- 
 member that you sit at your desk or your type- 
 writer, and when the end of the week comes draw 
 your salary, and the only responsibility on your 
 shoulders is to do good work, whereas your em- 
 ployer has to study the needs of the market, has 
 to submit to being a loser when the days are dull, 
 and bears on his shoulders the burden of many of 
 you who simply do your work and draw your sala- 
 ries. Charity toward employers is, according to 
 the newspapers, out of fashion, but I like to think 
 that my girls know how valuable it is in its use 
 toward every one with whom they may come in 
 contact. 
 
 THE ONE WHO NEEDS 
 
 To most people charity represents giving. In 
 reality it means as well the giving of kindly words, 
 of material help, or whatever may at times be 
 needed. Many young women think that the giv- 
 ing of a little money here and there constitutes all 
 the acts of charity they need to perform. Now, 
 giving, from a charitable stand-point, is utterly 
 
The Mantle of Charity 
 
 201 
 
 worthless unless it is accompanied by self-denial. 
 Therefore, make the purse of good gifts one well- 
 filled with acts of renunciation. It is not difficult 
 to deny one’s self a little pleasure that somebody 
 else may be made happy, and I wish very much 
 that some of my girls could know how, in the 
 working world, there are girls to-day who are busy 
 and happy all the time, and yet whose earnings go 
 to help some one who is close to them, or to make 
 a home for one of their own who needs it. How 
 easy ought it to be, then, for you to deny yourself 
 the box of sweets, the gay trip, or even another 
 bright ribbon, that some one else may be made 
 happy. You ask to whom shall you give. First 
 of all to those of your own family who need. If 
 this were done as it should be there would be very 
 few poor in the world. Then you can extend 
 your charity, and you will not have to go far to 
 seek objects for it, as you will certainly find them, 
 if you inquire, close at hand. 
 
 GIVE WHAT YOU CAN 
 
 If you do not have the luxuries of life, if you 
 do not handle much money, you can still give and 
 give lavishly, because you can give of your kind. 
 The half-day spent in helping your pretty cousin 
 to make her gown, the hour devoted to reading 
 to some one whose eyes are not quite as strong 
 
202 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 as they used to be, and the cheerful visit paid to 
 some one who is ill — all these are acts of charity 
 that will stand out like golden stars opposite your 
 name on the judgment-book. The girl who won- 
 ders listlessly what in the world she can do to 
 help anybody need only open her eyes very wide 
 and she will quickly discover. In every family, 
 in every neighborhood, there is work of this kind 
 to do, and while it would not be called charity 
 work, still it is that, for charity pitieth much. A 
 few cheerful visits, a few kindly actions, and a few 
 cheerful words are worth more than all the pennies 
 that were ever collected for the heathen. For we 
 have so many heathen at home, and the best way 
 to reform them is by example. 
 
 ANOTHER FORM OF CHARITY 
 
 That is consideration for the young and the 
 awkward. The young girl or boy may not know 
 just the fork that it is proper to use to eat some 
 special dish with, and you are doing a kindly act 
 when you quickly pick up yours and so end the 
 embarrassment. That other boy who in the parlor 
 dance or the game always seems to knock things 
 over and to make everybody conscious of his arms 
 and feet, can, by a little care on the part of the 
 considerate girl, be guided in such a way that he 
 will become a pleasure rather than a horror, and 
 
The Mantle of Charity 
 
 203 
 
 remembering, after his departure, how easy it was 
 to be graceful, he will think over and take to heart 
 the lesson so gently given to him. I tell you, my 
 dear girl, there can be no happy life without char- 
 ity, and you not only want to pray for it day and 
 night, but you should practise it so persistently 
 that it becomes part of yourself. When you hear 
 somebody say, like that girl, you never hear 
 her say anything disagreeable, and she always 
 makes people feel comfortable,’’ conclude that 
 that girl has simply learned the beauty of charity, 
 and assuming its mantle has taken under its shel- 
 ter those who were shy, who were troubled, or in 
 pain. I do not think a charitable girl reminds 
 people of the follies that have brought about cer- 
 tain results, but while she tries to cure the pain, 
 and eventually succeeds, she lets the sufferer think 
 out for herself how it all came about, and how a 
 pleasant folly was succeeded by much sorrow. 
 
 Nobody who makes a mistake likes to be told 
 that they were warned about it before. The 
 
 I-told-you-so” habit is one that is more un- 
 charitable than almost any other, because it is 
 unprovoked. Your friend undoubtedly thought 
 that she was doing right, and when she makes a 
 mistake it becomes your place not to remind her 
 of what led up to it. She has learned her lesson 
 sadly and sorrowfully. The harsh method of 
 treating her suffering, of tearing her wound apart 
 
204 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 and pouring acid upon it, is not that which 
 Christ would have commended. 
 
 THE WAYS OF CHARITY 
 
 Many hundred years ago the God-Man said 
 that only those who were without sin should dare 
 throw a stone at a sinner. So you who are going 
 to walk in the ways of charity must learn, first of 
 all, to control your tongue. You have no right 
 to judge any human being. You know nothing 
 of the temptation, you know nothing of the 
 temperament that made it so easy to yield, and 
 you do not know what the motive was when 
 the poor sinner first started to do what afterward 
 turned out to be all wrong. You know that she 
 told a lie. You don’t know what she told that 
 lie for. That it was wrong nobody can doubt. 
 Maybe it was told to hide poverty ; maybe it was 
 told to protect some one else ; maybe it was told 
 without thought. Nothing can make it right. 
 But be a little charitable in your judgment. Try 
 and put yourself in that girl’s place, and if you 
 succeed in doing that you will be surprised to dis- 
 cover that under the same circumstances you 
 would probably have done much worse. 
 
 Sometimes people are branded with sins that 
 they do not commit ; but the world accuses them 
 and the uncharitable stand afar off and condemn. 
 
The Mantle of Charity 
 
 205 
 
 and the noise of that sin is heard far and wide, 
 and there is no one to speak. Immediately under 
 my own eye something happened not long ago 
 that proved how utterly foolish it was to judge 
 people without proof, and, indeed, how sinful it 
 was to judge them at all. A young woman at a 
 watering-place lost a brooch ; she declared it 
 was stolen, and insisted that she believed it to 
 have been taken, not by some of the servants, but 
 by some of the young girls in the house who had 
 frequently visited her room and admired her 
 jewels. She did not openly accuse these girls, 
 but whispered her accusation until three of them 
 found themselves almost ostracized. She went 
 away, and after her departure one of these girls 
 appeared, wearing, as it was said, the stolen pin. 
 This was house gossip for a week, and at the end 
 of that time a woman declared her intention to 
 speak to the girl. She asked her where she got 
 the pin. The girl told her it had been sent to 
 her by her father for a birthday gift. She was 
 then told that it was believed that she was a 
 thief. Her father was telegraphed for, and when 
 he discovered the state of affairs he had a detec- 
 tive brought. While a close search was being 
 made a letter arrived from the woman who had 
 lost the pin. In it she said: I forgot to tel] 
 
 you, but three weeks ago I found my brooch hid- 
 den away among some lace just where I had put it 
 
2o6 
 
 Side Talks with Girts 
 
 myself. Of course, it wasn't stolen, and I am 
 sorry anything was said about it." It was a lit- 
 tle late to be sorry, for the girl who had been 
 accused of being a thief was lying ill with a fever 
 brought on by excitement, and the other two girls 
 were both ill with nervous attacks. Surely no 
 one in that house wore the mantle of charity, for 
 there hadn’t been a woman to defend those girls, 
 and almost everyone had, without a thought, con- 
 demned them. The ways of charity are broad, 
 making one think well before speaking, and always 
 giving to the one accused the benefit of the doubt. 
 
 ANOTHER WAY OF CHARITY 
 
 You think the way to Heaven requires the 
 walking over a certain path of belief. Your 
 neighbor believes that it is approached by an- 
 other, and her neighbor by still another. You 
 all have faith in the same great truths and only 
 differ in a few forms. Yet, if a discussion should 
 arise, one would think from the way you speak 
 that your neighbor worshipped graven idols, and 
 that into her religion there came nothing that was 
 beautiful, or good, or lovely. You bitterly con- 
 demn her ideas in regard to music, or whether she 
 should kneel or stand when praying to the good 
 God, and you wonder how in the world she can 
 expect a happy hereafter when she doesn’t elect to 
 
The Mantle of Charity 
 
 207 
 
 follow certain ceremonies here. Now, judge your- 
 self. What must God think of you? He said 
 that in His Father’s house there were many man- 
 sions. May there not be many paths leading to 
 them ? And you who claim to be upon the right 
 one, so faj: forget the very first of the virtues of 
 pure religion, charity, that you condemn your 
 neighbor. She goes along her way pouring oil 
 upon the wounds of the sick, giving drink to 
 those who thirst and a helping hand to whoever 
 may need it, while you do not hesitate to say that 
 her way is wrong. I don’t like to think that any 
 one of my girls is like this, and yet youth is in- 
 clined to be severe. 
 
 Charity should pervade the whole of life, just 
 as the fresh odor of the trees fills the air with a 
 thousand sweet scents. It should make the words 
 that you say better, the deeds that you do worthier, 
 and so permeate every act of your life that to the 
 world at large you yourself seem an outward sign 
 of goodness and kindness. Truly it is a beautiful 
 thing, the possession of this virtue. Faith and 
 hope stand beside it, but lo, it is the greatest of 
 all. You and I will pray for it, so that life may 
 become more beautiful. 
 
) EAUTY of body and face, which is 
 much to be desired, constitutes a 
 letter of introduction to the people 
 one meets, but does nothing beyond 
 that. A woman who seems to be beautiful may 
 become absolutely ugly by showing herself to be 
 ill-tempered, vain, or malicious. Wrinkles upon 
 the face are very often the result of bad passions. 
 The mouth, my dear girl, draws down at the 
 corners from malice ; the eyes grow small by the 
 lids coming together when one is possessed of a 
 cunning curiosity ; the chin doubles itself from 
 gluttony, and the cheeks incline to fold over when 
 one allows one’s self to grow cross and to speak 
 with shrill, high notes. The strain that results 
 from speaking loudly causes the muscles of the 
 throat to over-develop, and makes it look stringy 
 and unfeminine. 
 
 So, first of all, she who would be charming 
 ncxust remember that the woman who allows her 
 
Voe Physical Life of a Girl 
 
 209 
 
 temper to control her will not retain one single 
 physical charm. It is said that gluttony and anger 
 will deform a face. The greatest charm — that 
 something which we feel and yet cannot explain, 
 is what is best described as beauty of expression. 
 It delights the eye, but it cannot exist where 
 there are low, sordid feelings, and when encour- 
 agement is not given to everything that is high 
 and noble, pure and womanly. After one has 
 cultivated these virtues and made them one’s own, 
 then it is necessary to study the physical side of 
 life. Fortunately you are starting out in life with 
 no inherited disease, and with everything in your 
 favor, therefore what remains for you to do is to 
 learn the laws of life, and to live up to them. 
 The treatment you give your body shows, and so 
 you must take special care of the casket holding 
 that jewel, your soul. 
 
 ABOUT YOUR BATH 
 
 Your skin and your eyes, my dear girl, constitute 
 the thermometer that tells whether you are well, 
 physically, or not. If your skin has little spots upon 
 it, is dull to look at and feels dry, and your eyes 
 have a glazed appearance, with yellowish whites, 
 then be sure it is time to think whether you are 
 living rightly from the physical stand-point. Now, 
 what does your morning bath amount to ? Do you 
 14 
 
210 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 dab over your face, whirl the cloth around your 
 neck, carefully bathe your hands, and then go out 
 of the bathroom fully satisfied that you are quite 
 clean ? There are thousands of girls who consider 
 this all that is necessary, and yet, as the old darky 
 mammy would say, That’s nothing more than a 
 lick and a promise.” There are few American 
 houses in which there is not a bathroom, and if one 
 is so unfortunate as to live in a boarding-house 
 where one has not a private bath there will be wis- 
 dom in paying a little extra for the privilege of 
 having the bathroom to one’s self at a certain hour, 
 and saving this on car fares. My dear girl, I know 
 exactly what this is, and it is not a woman who 
 has never lived in a boarding-house who is talk- 
 ing to you. Therefore, I say take five minutes to 
 yourself and scrub that tub out well with soap and 
 water before you get into it. I do not recommend 
 for any girl in this country a perfectly cold bath. 
 American women are inclined to be nervous and 
 are not over-strong, consequently the wisest thing 
 to do is to plunge into water that is tepid, and 
 which, when one gives one’s self a thorough rub- 
 bing, will not cause the much-to-be-dreaded cold. 
 This morning bath is taken for cleanliness, and it 
 is the only way, unless, indeed, one stands up and 
 is carefully sponged, by which one can be sure of 
 perfect physical sweetness. Use soap ? Plenty of 
 it. But this soap need not be of an expensive 
 
The Physical Life of a Girl 
 
 21 1 
 
 kind, and the wise girl is that one who chooses 
 the simplest quality and that which is not scented. 
 A hot bath, which is desirable at least twice a 
 week, should be taken at night, and the tired 
 girl will be surprised to find not only how rest- 
 ful it is, but how perfectly delicious her own body 
 feels when she lies down and the eyelids gradu- 
 ally fall over the eyes weary of looking all the day 
 long. The cheap napery that is sold makes a good 
 wash-cloth, for you must remember that, while the 
 sponge is desirable in the bath, something more 
 than a sponge is required to make one absolutely 
 clean. By the bye, a light quality of flannel, one 
 combining cotton with wool, is also recommended 
 for a wash-cloth. It is only after one has grown 
 accustomed to the morning bath that one realizes 
 all that it means ; how, in the best way, it wakens 
 one up mentally and physically, and starts one 
 out ready to begin the work of another day. 
 
 AFTER THE BATH 
 
 After you have bathed and dressed yourself, put- 
 ting on underwear sufficiently warm, but not heavy, 
 arranging your stays so that they are well fitting, 
 but not tight, and having a gown out of which all 
 the dust has been shaken, so that none of it will 
 seek a refuge in your skin, you go to your break- 
 fast. And what do you eat ? First of all, oat- 
 
212 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 meal, because you have heard it is healthy. Now, 
 oatmeal is good for a big, strong man who is out 
 in the open air a great deal ; for a woman who is 
 not, it, first of all, has a tendency to cause a greasy 
 skin, and in time to upset the digestion. In addi- 
 tion, nine times out of ten oatmeal is not well cook- 
 ed — it is served in lumps, whereas, when properly 
 boiled, it should be like good rice, each grain 
 being absolutely separate from the other. Then, 
 do you eat the oatmeal properly ? More than any 
 other food it requires to be well chewed, or else it 
 will solidify and form an indigestible and heavy 
 lump in the stomach. Physicians say that oatmeal 
 that is swallowed whole is more to be dreaded than 
 meat taken in pieces at a gulp. If you are really 
 found of a cereal, then choose cracked wheat, which 
 is not as heating as oatmeal, is more easily digested, 
 and is more generally well cooked. That the 
 brawny Scotchman is a wonder of health upon an 
 oatmeal diet is not denied, but he, unlike you, is 
 taking much exercise, and spends nearly all his 
 time in a wonderful, bracing air. After this you 
 elect to have some beefsteak. In the first place 
 that should have been broiled, and the only gravy 
 about it should have been that which comes from 
 the meat itself. And then you ask for a well-done 
 piece. Oh, dear ! There you have made three 
 mistakes. Beef is not fit to eat when it is cooked 
 until the juice is gone out of it and it is dry — in 
 
The Physical Life of a Girl 
 
 213 
 
 the way of giving you strength you might as well 
 choose sole-leather for your breakfast dish. It is 
 always possible to ask, if you wish to eat meat in 
 the morning, for an underdone bit and one which 
 has no gravy upon it ; but to keep you in good 
 condition I would advise your having as much toast 
 as you care to eat, and instead of meat one or two 
 soft-boiled eggs. You will not find these heavy, 
 and they are nourishing, while at the same time 
 they are helps to one’s digestion. It may be taken 
 as a good rule that to keep the complexion in order, 
 while one may eat good things and encourage 
 the appetite, all grease should be avoided, as well 
 as overdone meats and any great quantity of sweets 
 or sauces. If one is inclined to be stout, potatoes 
 and all starchy foods are omitted from the bill of 
 fare, but for the slender woman all foods of this 
 kind are desirable. Your dinner will neither build 
 you up nor make you comfortable unless you eat it 
 properly, and when I say properly, my dear girl, 
 I mean the exact opposite of the way you usually 
 eat yours. You must cultivate eating slowly ; then 
 your food will be well chewed, will be easy to 
 digest, and during the time that you have been 
 eating your body will have been resting. 
 
214 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 ABOUT YOUR WALKS 
 
 Many of the books that I have read giving sug- 
 gestions about walking, do not hesitate to talk 
 about five miles a day as being proper exercise. 
 Now, there are a great many of us who couldn’t 
 walk five miles one day without being laid up for 
 the next. Personally, while I regard walking as 
 good exercise, I think it is more apt to do one 
 good when it is taken either with an object at the 
 end of the walk or in pleasant companionship. 
 Over-quick walking is not good for anybody, and 
 the time to stop walking has been reached before 
 one gets tired. Tennis, golf, and croquet are all 
 healthy out-of-door games, and I advise my girls 
 to indulge in them as far as possible, always with 
 a proviso that their love for the game does not 
 make them stay at the sport too long, nor in their 
 excitement must they allow themselves to be too 
 energetic. As I have never ridden a bicycle I 
 can say very little about it, only I cannot believe 
 that it is wise for one to overdo any good thing, 
 no matter how charming it may seem at first. I 
 wish that all my girls would learn to walk well ; 
 good walking means neither to stride nor to hop, 
 but to place the front part of the foot deliberately 
 on the ground, allowing the heel to follow, and 
 then to take a step in proportion to the length of 
 
The Physical Life of a Girl 
 
 215 
 
 one’s legs. Dancing, when one does not do too 
 much of it, and when it is limited to a well-aired 
 parlor in one’s home, is a gentle, desirable exer- 
 cise. Much good may come from the exercises in 
 a gymnasium, but so many young girls overdo ath- 
 letics nowadays that I almost fear advising them. 
 
 THE VALUE OF RUBBING 
 
 The old-time remedy, a thorough rubbing, is 
 now a fashionable one under many names, massage 
 being the usual one. A good rubbing is the best 
 remedy for the tired body ; but that rubbing must 
 be given evenly and quietly, and the patient must 
 not be allowed to talk. To the worn-out girl 
 who cannot sleep a few pennies are well spent 
 when this mode of gaining rest is chosen in 
 preference to opiates. The arms, the back, under 
 the knees, and the forehead should all have even 
 rubbing, made smoother by the hands of the rub- 
 ber having a little cocoa butter or vaseline upon 
 them. If one is fortunate enough to be with 
 one’s own people, then a sister, or, better still, the 
 mother, will be the masseuse. In addition to giv- 
 ing one a good rest a rubbing tends to develop 
 the body and to make it more supple. The rub- 
 ber is advised to cultivate a very even, impressive 
 movement, but while it suggests strength it must 
 not be rough, else sleep or rest will never come, 
 and excitement be the only result. 
 
2i6 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 When the head and eyes are tired a systematic 
 smoothing of the hair, which, of course, must be 
 loosened and have all its pins taken out, is a great 
 relief. The eyes may be rested by being dabbled 
 with hot water — remember, gently dabbled with 
 an old handkerchief, not with cold water, and not 
 rubbed. Rubbing will irritate them, when the 
 soft pressure of a good dabbling will relieve them 
 very much. As soon as there is the slightest evi- 
 dence of a weakening on the part of the eyes go to 
 a good oculist. Economize as you will, but if 
 you can, keep your eyesight. 
 
 ABOUT YOUR MEDICINES 
 
 If one is ill it is proper to go to a doctor. And 
 the doctor should be sought at the very begin- 
 ning of the illness, so that a cure may come 
 sooner. However, there are various little med- 
 icines that one may keep among one’s belong- 
 ings for the little troubles that are certain to 
 come, and which are easily cured. For the girl 
 who suffers from indigestion there is to be taken 
 from April until September, whenever it may 
 be needed, for it is not recommended for cold 
 weather, the creamy mixture of sulphur and mo- 
 lasses. This will clear the eyes, make the skin 
 white and firm, and, unless the trouble should be 
 of long standing, put the stomach in good condi- 
 
The Physical Life of a Girl 
 
 217 
 
 1 
 
 tion. A good prescription for slight indigestion 
 is the drinking, just before breakfast, of a glass 
 of tepid water, in which a teaspoonful of or- 
 dinary table-salt has been dissolved. Then, of 
 course, among your medicines will be — and, by- 
 the-by, it is rather odd to count it a medicine — a 
 rubber bag which will hold plenty of hot water, 
 and which is used to warm your feet, or to draw 
 away the pain from any part of your body which 
 can be soothed by this heat. If you have a slight 
 inclination to rheumatism, keep two small flannel 
 bags filled with coarse salt, and when the pain first 
 comes heat these by putting them in the oven, and 
 then lay them where the pain is worst. As they 
 give a very dry heat they are to be preferred to 
 that which comes from the hot-water bag for 
 either rheumatism or neuralgia. In a small bottle 
 is myrrh, for you will use a few drops of this in 
 the water with which you rinse your mouth, mak- 
 ing it taste well and smell sweet. I do not believe 
 in dosing one’s self, but there are some simple 
 teas that are good to take, and which every girl 
 should know about, so that she may be permitted 
 to doctor herself for ordinary ailments. Very 
 often the best medicine is a day of rest. I do not 
 mean an idle day ; I mean one when one deliber- 
 ately goes to bed, if possible sleeping most of the 
 time, but at least not talking, and certainly, as far 
 as possible, not thinking about one’s worries. 
 
2lS 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 THE MIND AND THE BODY 
 
 I want my girls to understand thoroughly the 
 close relation that exists between the mind and the 
 body. With the body uncared for it does not 
 seem as if the mind could be in good order. And 
 surely, when one has bad thoughts and bad man- 
 ners the body will cease to be beautiful. The 
 best motto for you to take in regard to your body 
 is ‘‘Be clean.'' 
 
 Many of us are unhappily handicapped from birth 
 by ill-health. Then all that we can do is to try 
 and keep as well as possible, and to determine 
 that the weakness of the body shall not be reflected 
 upon the mind. When “one's back is bad and 
 one's legs are queer," then to make an effort to 
 forget this and to fill the mind so full of cheerful- 
 ness that the looker-on will believe one beautiful 
 is the greatest heroism. My dear girl, take care 
 of yourself ; try and keep well and cheerful. Few 
 people die from overwork. Many lose their good 
 looks from idleness and sulkiness. It is said that 
 it is better to wear out than to rust out. Now, 
 you and I are not anxious to do either in a hurry, 
 but we will join hands and resolve that, being 
 happy, healthy, and wise, we will make ourselves, 
 physically and mentally, a joy to all those who 
 love us, or whom we love. 
 
A STRANGER IN A STRANGE 
 LAND 
 
 ’S what you are, you and I. We 
 ^e come to this great city to earn 
 • bread and butter, and the people 
 loved and who loved us, the peo- 
 ple who had kindly thoughts of us, the people who 
 were interested in our hopes, our joys, and our 
 sorrows, are all left behind. And we are facing a 
 new world. Now, how shall we do it ? Shall we 
 perform our tasks indifferently, returning home to 
 mope and be unhappy, and refusing to find any- 
 thing good in life because the dwellers in this new 
 land do not put out the hand of good-fellowship ? 
 If that is what we intend doing, you and I, we 
 may as well make up our minds that we will re- 
 main strangers forever. There is an old-fashioned 
 song that says, ’Tis home where the heart is,’* 
 and you and I must remember that we can carry 
 home in our hearts and find it wherever we are if 
 we will only remember that God is in his Heaven, 
 and that all goes well on earth. 
 
220 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 IN GOOD SOCIETY 
 
 Surely we need not count ourselves as among 
 the dwellers in tents when we can build a beauti- 
 ful mansion in which love and friendship may be 
 enshrined. You who are without hope say to me, 
 
 We are two strange girls who are working to 
 earn our bread, and who live in a small room in 
 a boarding-house. How can we get into society — 
 no one wants to know us ? ’ ’ Now I, who am a 
 bit hopeful, laugh at you and answer, There is 
 every reason why people should want to know us. 
 We are bright in wit and we are healthy in body. 
 These things make us agreeable companions. 
 Then,’^ I continue, call up some of your honest 
 pride, and remember that ^ where MacGregor sits, 
 there is the head of the table,* consequently that 
 where you and I are is good society. ’ * 
 
 In the first place it isn’t wise to solidify one’s 
 self into an ice-block and refuse to know any- 
 body. In finding the flowers one must come across 
 some weeds. To make pleasant acquaintances you 
 and I will have to go through some experiences 
 that are probably not quite pleasant. In the office 
 where I work there is a pretty girl, who, after 
 twenty-four hours of acquaintance with me, de- 
 clares that she never before met anybody for 
 whom she cared so much, is eager to tell me all 
 
A Stranger in a Strange Land 
 
 221 
 
 her affairs, and insists on introducing me to some 
 of her friends by bringing them to our boarding- 
 house. She appears, accompanied by a pleasant 
 young man, who, after he has been there a little 
 while, discovers that I have heard of somebody 
 whom he knows well — this world is a very small 
 place — and so he goes on to talk about his friend 
 to me, and the girl who was going to love me 
 forever becomes sulky and disagreeable, insists on 
 going home, and the next morning at the office 
 declines to speak to me, on the ground that I tried 
 to attract one of her admirers. Now, that was 
 the wrong way. I ought to have waited a week 
 at least, three months certainly, before I allowed 
 myself to believe that this extreme affection, so 
 suddenly born, was real. 
 
 FRIENDSHIP WORTH HAVING 
 
 You complain that the girl who sits next to you 
 is cold toward you. She says a pleasant good- 
 morning to you, remarks something about the 
 weather, and during the day, if it is in her power, 
 very quietly shows you how the work is done. 
 You complain that she is not sympathetic. Why 
 should she be when she knows nothing at all about 
 you ? Gradually the weeks go by, and one even- 
 ing you find on your desk a couple of tickets for a 
 concert given by some club to which she belongs. 
 
222 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 and a little card saying that she hopes you will 
 bring me. We go together, and after the concert 
 is over she introduces her sister, and possibly her 
 brother to us. Perhaps two weeks later we are 
 asked to spend an evening with her, listen to some 
 music, and have a bit of supper. Her home is only 
 a little flat, but her mother is there, and the whole 
 place is fragrant with an essence of hospitality. 
 Months and years may pass, and that girl, though 
 we may become great friends or simply pleasant 
 acquaintances, will never be as effusive as the 
 young woman who was in the office with me, but 
 she will, as the friendship grows, prove that her 
 affection is worth having and therefore worth win- 
 ning. An acquaintance made with great ease is 
 usually dropped in the same rapid way. Time 
 does wither it, and custom proves its undesirability. 
 Do you see what I mean ? 
 
 AT THE BOARDING-HOUSE 
 
 It is so difficult to know how to do what is just 
 right here. Neither you nor I want to sit at the 
 table like disagreeable mummies and say nothing, 
 so what shall we do ? I have no trouble in decid- 
 ing that I prefer to go from the table to a book, 
 and have nothing more than a mere bowing ac- 
 quaintance with any of the people there. But 
 you, who are a sociable little creature, you, who 
 
A Stranger in a Strange Land 223 
 
 wonder what pleasure I find in books, would like 
 to know about the pretty girl who sits opposite to 
 you, and if the young man next her is really in 
 love with her, and whether the young matron at 
 the end of the table makes all her pretty gowns, 
 or if she doesn^t how she occupies her time. You, 
 who represent the general woman, want to know 
 your kind, and be of them. You are perfectly 
 right in saying that I, in my love for solitude and 
 books, am different. You become acquainted 
 with the pretty girl ; she introduces to you two or 
 three of the young men; you meet the young 
 matron, and at night you are all down in the 
 parlor laughing and having as merry a time as 
 possible. Then, after a while, there comes the 
 little rift within the lute ; the gossip of the house 
 — there always is one — whispers to you that the 
 matron laughs at your countrified dresses ; that 
 the young girl is jealous of you, and that they 
 think there must be something queer about me be- 
 cause I prefer to keep to myself. The gossip in a 
 boarding-house is always dramatic, and she credits 
 people who merely want to be left alone with hav- 
 ing some frightful past. You come up to me and 
 cry as if your heart would break, and all I can say 
 to you is, My dear, it isnT worth it ; take the 
 pleasure out of it all as you do the cream from the 
 milk and let the rest go. Sometimes in a board- 
 ing-house an acquaintance becomes a friend, but 
 
224 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 it is only occasionally that this happens, so regard 
 these people as you do the pleasure of the moment. 
 Get from your intercourse with them all that you 
 can, innocently, and refuse to see or hear the dis- 
 agreeable side. ' ' After we have had a little ex- 
 perience we learn the absolute unstability of sudden 
 friendships, whether made in the office or in the 
 parlor. We know by heartaches and tears shed, 
 by disappointments and facts, that friendship is a 
 plant of very slow growth, and that it must be as 
 tenderly cared for as the finest orchid. 
 
 AT THE CHURCH 
 
 You have brought from your clergyman at home 
 a letter of introduction to a clergyman in the city. 
 You present it. He is genial and kind and tells 
 you that he must find you some friends among the 
 congregation. You go regularly to church, to 
 Sunday-school, and to prayer-meeting, but at the 
 end of three months you know as many people as 
 you did when you first came. Your clergyman 
 has been to call on you, but you were out ; his 
 wife came to visit you, and the same thing hap- 
 pened. You did not take the trouble to tell him 
 that you were busy all day, and so both he and 
 his wife came at the wrong time. You think very 
 black thoughts about ministers who are paid big 
 salaries and pay no attention to their parishioners, 
 
A Stranger in a Strange Land 225 
 
 and how different it is with your dear old clergy- 
 man at home. Of course it is. A stranger comes 
 to him about once in six months, but to the city 
 clergyman they come every day. He has done 
 his best in trying to see you and in sending his 
 wife to call upon you. You have not returned 
 her call, nor after prayer-meeting have you intro- 
 duced yourself to her. I begged you to do it, for 
 how else could she possibly know you ? One Sun- 
 day there was a demand for some helpers at a con- 
 cert to be given to amuse the boys in a down-town 
 mission. You, who sing, or who play, or who 
 read, or who would even be of some use in taking 
 the tickets, do not volunteer, and yet there was 
 your opportunity to meet pleasant people and to 
 gain some pleasant acquaintances. 
 
 You do not speak to the girl who sits next to 
 you in the Bible class because she is dressed fash- 
 ionably, and you fancy that she is disagreeable 
 and arrogant. Now it may happen that she is 
 just as shy as you are, and that she is only waiting 
 to have a question asked to induce her to say 
 something, but you set your teeth and look disa- 
 greeable. My dear girl, fine clothes do not al- 
 ways cover a hard heart, nor shabby clothes a ten- 
 der one. When you speak as scornfully as you 
 do about ^^fine clothes and hard hearts’^ lam 
 surprised at your narrowness alike of heart and 
 brain. I have known people with the meanest 
 
 15 
 
226 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 sort of pride who were shabbily dressed, and 
 others who had the tenderest, most loving hearts 
 hidden under rich apparel. 
 
 ABOUT OUR MANNERS 
 
 You and I think that we know all about good 
 manners, and yet, just as the cut of the gown and 
 the shape of the hat in the big city differ from 
 those worn in the little town, so there are some 
 customs that are different, and if we wish to gain 
 a social position we must notice and imitate them. 
 I may be none the less a clever woman, and yet 
 drink my tea from a cup with my spoon in it ; 
 but my cleverness would amount to very little if I 
 did not discover that people generally do not do 
 this. You may be as pretty as possible, but peo- 
 ple will forget your prettiness if they see you cut- 
 ting your asparagus and eating it from a fork 
 rather than from the stalk held in your fingers. 
 These are little things, but the little things that 
 you and I must learn if we wish to be something 
 more than mere strangers. 
 
 Then, when in answer to a letter of introduc- 
 tion, somebody who could be of help, socially, to 
 both of us calls on us, leaving a card on which her 
 reception-day is engraved, we make the mistake 
 of returning her visit on some other day only to 
 be told that she is not at home. Now, the wisest 
 
A Stranger in a Strange Land 227 
 
 thing to do, as we cannot go upon her day at 
 home, is to write her a pleasant little note, telling 
 her that we are busy women, that we cannot come 
 upon her day at home, and asking if she will per- 
 mit us to come at some other time. You, who 
 claim to be very independent, say that you will 
 not give in to her in this way. That is ridicu- 
 lous. She is a woman older than either of us, 
 and respect is due to her for that reason if for 
 no other. Then, too, we have sought her in pre- 
 senting the letter, and if we wish to continue the 
 acquaintance and to gain her friendship, we must 
 make it plain to her just how we are situated. Be- 
 ing a kindly woman she asks us to come and have 
 a cup of tea on the home day, Sunday, or else she 
 invites us on some special evening, and then we 
 become acquainted with her. So you see our man- 
 ners in regard to cards and letters, as well as at the 
 table, have much to do with our gaining friends. 
 
 A FALSE PRIDE 
 
 You say you are sensitive. I say you are fool- 
 ish. When any one seems to overlook you, you 
 claim it is because you are earning your living. 
 Now I insist that that has nothing to do with it. 
 It is because there is something in you that doesn’t 
 attract this person. People are liked socially for 
 what they are and what they can give and not for 
 
228 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 what they do. When I say ^^give’* I do not 
 mean in its ordinary sense, but I do mean in the 
 sense of being generous with pleasant words, and 
 by showing an interest in whatever is going on. 
 You have the wrong kind of pride about your 
 work. You say, with a curl of the lip and a 
 toss of the head, to some one who has just been 
 introduced to you, and who it is most likely will 
 be only a five minutes’ acquaintance, ^‘Oh, I 
 am a working-woman. ” Now, that is none of 
 her or his business. Strangers are not interested 
 in it, and you have no right to thrust your pri- 
 vate affairs upon them. It is quite as vulgar to 
 talk continually of one’s poverty as it is to flaunt 
 one’s riches, and indeed, sometimes I think it is 
 the more vulgar of the two. 
 
 FOR YOU AND ME 
 
 So for you and me, who are strangers in a 
 strange land,” there are many things concerning 
 which we must be careful if we wish to gain and 
 to keep a social position. First of all we must 
 be careful in making friends, and I think it is al- 
 ways wise to beware of the new acquaintance who 
 is over-familiar and over-confidential. Then, 
 too, we must take advantage of what we can bring 
 from home, that is, the letter of introduction to 
 the clergyman, and to the various ladies who may 
 
^ stranger in a Strange Land 229 
 
 be friends of long ago of our home people. Then, 
 too, we must remember that there is no letter of 
 introduction equal to a pleasant manner, and no 
 way to keep a friend so certainly as to refuse to 
 listen to disagreeable things about her. It is pos- 
 sible that we may be misunderstood. People are in 
 too much of a hurry to read carefully every life 
 book, but we can try to do what is right, be hon- 
 orable and true, and our friends will last and 
 prove worth having. 
 
 I am only going to say to you one word about 
 making the acquaintance of young men, and I am 
 going to speak very plainly. Let these friends 
 come through the women you meet, for then you 
 will be more certain of their being proper men 
 for you to know than if you yourself had met them 
 in a casual manner. I think if we try, you and I, 
 in a quiet way and without expecting to gain 
 everything at once, we will make for ourselves a 
 pleasant circle of acquaintances, from among whom 
 we can cull two or three friends. Surely this 
 would be good fortune, and having achieved 
 this, which will, of course, take some time, we 
 shall be in positions to put out our hands and 
 help some other girl who is ‘ ^ a stranger in a 
 strange land,” remembering the day when we 
 ourselves were strangers. 
 
[1 
 
 THE YOUNG WIFE’S FIRST YEAR 
 
 ERY many of my girls were last June’s 
 brides, and yet they have been lov- 
 ing and kind enough to ask that they 
 may still be on the list to which they 
 belonged before the title of mistress ” was put 
 before their names. 
 
 As the days go by it dawns on the mind of the 
 young wife that the man she loves is regarding her 
 no longer as an angel, no longer as a bit of Dres- 
 den china, and, just at first, she is surprised. No- 
 body has told her that the first year of her married 
 life would be the most difficult one. During that 
 time she must learn what it is to be a companion 
 to her husband. She must remember that she has 
 entered into his life, that she must be his comrade 
 through good fortune and through bad, and en- 
 courage him to look at the best side of life and al- 
 ways to hope when it is dark for sunshine in the 
 future. The years or months of courtship have 
 not made these two people acquainted with each 
 other. The little bit of temper that was so care- 
 
The Young Wife's First Year 
 
 231 
 
 fully concealed, the habit of saying some hasty 
 little word that was subdued, and the undesir- 
 able method of being unpunctual and a bit careless 
 that was hidden — all these are gradually discov- 
 ered during the first year of one’s married life. 
 And no matter how much a wife may suffer (and 
 she certainly will) she must learn to control her- 
 self, and to bear as much as possible with her hus- 
 band’s weaknesses. The advanced woman may 
 think that this sounds very weak and not at all 
 progressive. Perhaps it is not, but very certainly 
 it is the only way that one can become a good 
 wife, and a happy one. 
 
 HIS LITTLE WAYS 
 
 Perhaps the husband you so much love is in- 
 clined to be untidy ; to throw a scarf there and a 
 piece of soiled linen here; to lay a book down 
 where it does not belong, and to leave a pile of 
 photographs in disorder, so that it really requires 
 some trouble to arrange them. Now the wisest 
 thing to do is to say nothing about the careless 
 ways, but after the lord and master has departed 
 to take a little time to put everything back in its 
 place. It is much better to give that time and 
 that little extra work than it would be to find 
 fault, for while the first words of fault-finding 
 might be listened to with a certain amount of 
 
232 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 grace, the next might be met with frowns and the 
 next with disagreeable words. And then just as 
 certain will come the first quarrel. 
 
 And when two people who love each other 
 quarrel they can say more bitter words to each 
 other than any people in the world. Your 
 husband will go away feeling that you do not 
 care for him ; you will cry until your head aches, 
 and all because you refused to take a little bit of 
 trouble. Think of the trouble that he takes for 
 you ; think of the many hours when business 
 cares are upon his shoulders about which you 
 know nothing ; and thinking of this remember 
 that all he asks of you is to be a good housewife. 
 
 THE FIRST QUARREL 
 
 It will surely come. Two healthy people are 
 bound to differ about something, and all that I 
 can advise you to do when it does appear is to say 
 that you are sorry and you hope that it will 
 never happen again. No matter if you are in the 
 right, do this. You are in the wrong for quarrel- 
 ing, and you can apologize for that. Be sure that 
 your husband will find out where he was wrong, 
 and after your little request for forgiveness he will 
 make his. Then, when you feel inclined to 
 quarrel the next time, don’t do it. Don’t set 
 your teeth and close your lips and make up your 
 
The Young Wife's First Year 
 
 233 
 
 mind that you will hold your tongue, but speak. 
 A sullen silence is as bad as a quarrel. 
 
 If Jack has found fault with you about some- 
 thing you have left undone tell him you are sorry 
 and you will do better in future. Say this with a 
 laugh, and give a loving kiss after it, and to your 
 surprise no quarrel will follow. If you disagree 
 tell him with a smile to find out, when he is down 
 town, which of you is right, but that you don't 
 intend to have any ugly words about it. If things 
 have gone wrong in the household, and he sees 
 the effect without knowing the cause, tell him the 
 reason why. Don't be afraid of your husband. 
 Don't practise any small deceits with him, and 
 then the kind words and the loving words will 
 take the place of those that lead to unhappiness. 
 
 YOUR HUSBAND’S MOTHER 
 
 I will not call her your mother-in-law. I like 
 to think that she is your mother in love. She is 
 your husband's mother, and therefore yours, for 
 his people have become your people. There have 
 been vulgar jests, ridiculous songs and coarse puns 
 about the husband's mother ever since any of us 
 can remember, but in how many households is the 
 husband's mother an angel, not in disguise, but 
 appreciated and loved ? Now, will you take my 
 advice and call her what your husband does ? 
 
234 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 Will you treat her just as you do your own mother, 
 not being afraid to tell her of your little affairs, 
 receiving her as one of your own, and making 
 her feel happy in the fact that she has not lost a 
 son but has gained a daughter, and a loving, con- 
 siderate daughter ? Will you remember this, too — 
 that before you came your husband was all in all 
 to his mother ? And sometimes when she comes to 
 see you, won’t you leave these two alone, and let 
 them talk together as they did before the two be- 
 came a trio? Don’t make it evident that you are 
 doing this, but go off for a little while and attend 
 to some of your household duties. You will be 
 loved all the better for it, and be sure that if any- 
 thing is said about you the words will only be 
 those of appreciation and love. 
 
 Don’t make your husband’s mother an utter 
 stranger, receiving her in the drawing-room, and 
 changing all your arrangements so that she may be 
 treated exactly as if she were a formal visitor. 
 You do not do it with your own mother. When 
 she pays you a visit she comes up-stairs where you 
 are busy working, and if she feels like giving a 
 helping hand you take it ; if not, she chatters and 
 gossips while you are sewing, and both of you have 
 a pleasant morning. If she sta)^s to dine or lunch 
 with you, you may make a little change, putting 
 some special delicacy on the table. Still you do 
 not treat her as you would a visitor from far off 
 
The Young IVife's First Year 
 
 235 
 
 whom you know slightly. And you must not, if 
 wish to retain her love and sympathy, receive your 
 husband’s mother in any other way. Listen to her 
 words of advice, think them over, and if you do 
 not believe it is wise to follow them give her your 
 reasons for this. Don’t ignore the wisdom that she 
 has gained by experience. Somebody asks, Shall 
 she be a slave to her husband’s people! ” Cer- 
 tainly not. No good, loving woman ever was a 
 slave when she did what was right. But no 
 good, loving woman ever treated the mother that 
 she has gained by marriage in the way that I have 
 seen some mothers treated — mothers who wished to 
 give to their sons’ wives exactly the same love and 
 sympathy, to show the same kindness and give the 
 same active help that they have always given to 
 their own daughters. 
 
 TO KEEP QUIET 
 
 Remember that what you learn about your hus- 
 band’s family is to be kept to yourself ; that when 
 you married him and took his name you became 
 one of the family, and the little trouble, the little 
 skeleton, is not to be discussed with the members 
 of the family of which you were born. To your 
 sister it may mean nothing that some trouble has 
 come to your husband’s brother. You may tell it 
 to her in secrecy, and it may seem of so little im- 
 
236 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 portance that she will repeat it to her sister-in- 
 law, and gradually what was meant to be a secret 
 is told all round the neighborhood. The art of 
 keeping to yourself what you hear on each side of 
 the house is one that you must cultivate, for it 
 means the keeping of peace. Surely you would 
 not wish to hurt your husband, and yet you will 
 do it if you cannot realize the importance of 
 silence. 
 
 When you enter his mother’s house anything 
 that is told to you in confidence must be forgotten 
 when you leave it, unless, indeed, it is discussed 
 with your husband, and the same rule will apply 
 to your own family. Don’t imagine that every 
 little frown, every little disagreeable word is 
 meant for you, and do not retail to your husband 
 anything unpleasant that may have happened when 
 you were visiting at his mother’s house. Think 
 that she is your mother, too, and give her the 
 privilege of speaking to you as your mother does. 
 I know it isn’t always easy to have fault found with 
 one when one is trying to do one’s best, but think 
 over what was said, if there is anything helpful in 
 it, and let the rest go. Respect your husband’s 
 mother as you do your own, and the respect will 
 beget love and confidence as well as happiness for 
 you both, in the new life and the new home. 
 
The Young Wife* s First Year 237 
 
 THE VICE OF CURIOSITY 
 
 It is very ignoble, and before you were married 
 you would have been inclined to scorn any one 
 who told you that you would have been curious 
 about the secrets in your husband’s family ; that 
 you would have been eager to learn of the trouble 
 that came to one, of the wrong deed of another, 
 or of the mortification to which another member 
 of the family had to submit. Now, my dear 
 girl, crush this desire to know unpleasant things. 
 Make up your mind that you are going to know 
 about each one that which is best, and refuse 
 to let outsiders give you any information about 
 the family into which you have just entered. 
 If some low-minded person (for that is what such 
 person would be) should offer to do this, decline 
 to listen, and if, against your will, an effort is 
 made to tell you, leave the room. At such a 
 time rudeness becomes right. If your husband 
 wishes you to know any of these things, be sure 
 he will tell you. 
 
 Put yourself in his place. You haven’t told him 
 about the young man who first made love to your sis- 
 ter and then left her ; about the uncle who did some- 
 thing that was not quite honest, or whatever else it 
 may be that is one of the family horrors, and why 
 should you expect him to tell you ? And is it not in- 
 
238 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 considerate in you to make an effort to find out those 
 things? My dear girl, don’t soil your mind with 
 such knowledge, and don’t lower yourself morally 
 by cultivating and encouraging a vile curiosity. 
 Be eager to know the best about your husband’s 
 kin. See the best and tell of it, and when they do 
 — these people who bear your husband’s name — 
 some kind act, don’t forget to tell those from 
 whom you came about it, and never, no matter 
 what may happen, carry an unkind story about 
 your husband’s mother to the mother who bore 
 you. If she be wise she would not listen. But 
 sometimes extreme love makes people unwise, and 
 she might forget to reprimand her daughter for 
 talking about things that it would be wiser to for- 
 get. Learn to control your ears as well as your 
 tongue ; be only eager to hear words of praise 
 rather than words of blame. 
 
 A LITTLE THING 
 
 Some morning when Jack goes down town 
 there is a perplexed look on his face, and when he 
 kisses you, you think he does it rather as a matter 
 of habit than desire, and like the loving little 
 goose that you are, you go up-stairs and have a 
 hard cry, concluding that your husband has ceased 
 to love you. Now that is all nonsense. If you 
 have been a wise little woman your husband loves 
 
The Young Wife's First Year 
 
 239 
 
 you to-day a thousand times better than he did 
 during the honey-moon. But while he was put- 
 ting on his coat he remembered some business 
 perplexities, and when he said good-by he was 
 thinking of them. Instead of crying you ought to 
 be glad that he thinks it worth while, in these 
 days when many men are thoughtless, to care to 
 earn comforts and luxuries for you. The kiss does 
 become a habit, but none the less is it a loving 
 habit. 
 
 Forget all about the perplexed look on his face, 
 be ready and full of good cheer to meet him when 
 he returns, and in your society let him find such 
 companionship that the down-town troubles will 
 be forgotten, and the worries will be worries no 
 longer, because, after all, the surmounting them 
 means making a home which is a nest of blissful 
 refuge. DonT be afraid to let your husband be 
 familiar with the home. Dress yourself as prettily 
 as you like for dinner, but let him lay aside the 
 business suit and put on a loose jacket, let him 
 don soft slippers, and be as comfortable as he can 
 while he is enjoying his dinner. Let home 
 and you mean rest. I don't mean that he 
 shall forget the word politeness, but I do mean 
 that after the long, toilsome day he shall be per- 
 mitted to have rest of body and mind. Perhaps 
 he may want to take you out to some place of 
 amusement, perhaps not. If he does, go with 
 
240 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 good will and enjoy it, this pleasure that he has 
 provided for you. If not, make yourself happy in 
 your home, and make that home a pleasant place 
 for his friends to come. If you do this he will not 
 seek his friends outside. 
 
 Most women forget the value of making friends 
 of their husbands' friends. Possibly there may be 
 one or two whom you dislike with good reason. 
 Don't show this dislike, but after a while tell your 
 husband of the faults or the weaknesses that you 
 have noticed, and you two may either form a band 
 to help the man, or if he thinks it wise, gradually 
 drop his acquaintance. No man wishes his wife 
 to be surrounded by men who are not desirable. 
 
 It seems to me that your motto for this first year 
 should be that very old-fashioned one, Be 
 patient." Be always patient, and in time the 
 fruits of your patience will be a happy home, a 
 loving husband, respect from your friends, and 
 respect and love from all who are united to you by 
 the ties of law and love. 
 
THE YOUNG HUSBAND’S FIRST 
 YEAR 
 
 HE stands beside you a wonderful vis- 
 ion in white satin and orange blos- 
 soms, so beautiful that you can find 
 no words in which to express your 
 admiration, and so lovely that it seems as if the 
 English language were not rich enough for you to 
 tell of your love. She seems something too 
 bright and good for every-day life, and as you 
 are promising to care for her you think to your- 
 self how unnecessary is this vow, for caring for 
 such a beautiful object can only be a never-ending 
 delight. She looks so exquisite you wonder if she 
 can possibly belong to ordinary, every-day life, 
 and you think that you must put her on a pedes- 
 tal and fall down and worship her. Then, for a 
 little while, you are off on an idyllic journey. 
 During that time you have a blissful feeling when 
 you arrange her wraps about her, and you would 
 burden yourself with any number of bundles and 
 
 i6 
 
242 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 bags if she needed them. And then — and then — ■ 
 you come back to the little nest that is going to 
 be home to you, and you make a wonderful dis- 
 covery. It is that this marvellous creature, this 
 exquisite being, this dream is, after all, only a 
 woman. If she had been an angel she wouldn’t 
 have married you. She is human and therefore 
 she has her weaknesses and her little faults, and 
 these you will have to be introduced to and you 
 will have to have patience with them. You will 
 have to learn to understand her and them during 
 this first year of your married life. 
 
 BOTH OF YOU 
 
 It is a hard time for both of you. She 
 knows little of the peculiarities of man, and 
 you know nothing of the weaknesses of woman. 
 All during the honey-moon there were kisses 
 and smiles, and pretty words and dainty com- 
 pliments, and now that you are back home, 
 that you have taken up your business life, that 
 you are indeed living the ordinary life of a man, 
 you forget some of these affectionate acts. You 
 come home in the evening to be greeted by a wife 
 whose eyes are fiery red, whose lip quivers, and 
 who cannot speak without bursting into tears. 
 What is the matter ? As you rushed away to 
 catch the car in the morning you forgot to kiss 
 
The Young Husband's First Year 243 
 
 her good-by and tell her that you hoped she 
 would be happy all the day long. It is a little 
 thing, to be sure, but you trained her to this 
 caress during the honey-moon, and you hurt her 
 feelings when you leave her without a word now. 
 A woman, my friend, is not an angel, but she is a 
 sensitive being who likes to have, as a wife, the 
 expression of affection that you gave her as a 
 sweetheart, and during that happy month after 
 she was a bride. 
 
 THE FINDING FAULT 
 
 She thinks it is queer that you didn’t discover 
 that she possessed all these faults before you mar- 
 ried her. And she wonders, as she sits by herself 
 and stares out of the window, why, if she had so 
 many faults, anybody ever cared for her. It 
 is true that the breakfast was very bad. It is 
 also true that she has had four or five cooks 
 within the last two months, but she is trying her 
 very best to get a good one, and she does wish 
 that you would encourage her a little bit in her 
 troubles and not find fault with her all the time, 
 especially this morning when her head aches as if 
 it would split. She could have said some very 
 nasty things to you when you spoke to her, but 
 she tried not to, and then you called her sulky. 
 And she wonders if men ever have headaches as 
 women do. And her back aches, too, and still 
 
244 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 she must discharge that cook, who she knows will 
 be impertinent to her. And she wonders what 
 the next one will be like. I think you might 
 have had a little patience with her. It is true 
 your mother’s household runs like a perfectly 
 oiled machine, but then your mother has been 
 keeping house for fifty years, and this little girl, 
 who, in her white satin and orange blossoms a 
 couple of months ago, you thought must be an 
 angel, has only been experimenting a short time. 
 Just remember that, physically, women are not 
 as strong as men, and that a headache that makes 
 her eyes burn and a backache that makes her 
 wonder if she can walk upstairs, sometimes come 
 to her, forcing her to be conscious of nothing but 
 her physical misery. It isn’t necessary for you to 
 say that you like the bad breakfast, but you can 
 encourage her, and hope that she will soon have 
 a better cook, and you could remind her that these 
 are the early days of her housekeeping. That is 
 where your strength ought to come in. That is 
 the time when you should represent to her, not 
 only her husband, but her helper. 
 
 HER LITTLE WAYS 
 
 Of course she has them. And it is just possible 
 that some of them may not suit you. But don’t 
 you think it would be rather nicer for you to 
 
The Young Husband's First Year 245 
 
 talk them over quietly with her than show your- 
 self a barbarian and permit your angry passions 
 to rise? If you don’t like them tell her the 
 reason why. She is a reasonable creature, and 
 she loves you well enough to prefer to do what 
 you like, if what you like is right. You are a 
 bit set in your ways yourself, but she doesn’t 
 find fault with you, and you can keep your hand- 
 kerchiefs in the top drawer, or in the second 
 one, as you please, and she will not object. But 
 if, for some pretty little idea, she takes all your 
 handkerchiefs and puts them in a perfumed sachet, 
 why need you get so cross with her ? And why 
 need you insist upon her having certain things to 
 eat upon certain days ? Why need you insist on her 
 liking strange people or saying that she likes them 
 when she does not ? She is sweet, and amiable, 
 and loving, and hospitable to all who bear your 
 name, but you can’t expect her to be attracted 
 at once by Tom Brown, who is an old friend of 
 yours, but whose manners are extremely brusque, 
 and who greets her with this salutation, Well, 
 Mrs. Bride, I suppose none of his friends will ever 
 see your husband now.” She is anxious for you 
 to keep your friends, and she is hurt when this 
 is said to her, and surely you can’t blame her for 
 it. Find out all her little ways and be patient 
 with them when they are little ways that you 
 don’t like. And then be sure, for dear love’s 
 
246 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 sake, she will make her ways your ways, and life 
 will be happier all around. 
 
 THAT FILTHY LUCRE 
 
 If anybody had told you that you would be 
 stingy to your own wife, you would have cut him 
 dead. And yet, when the summer time passed 
 and the autumn days were over, and the winter 
 bonnets came, it wasn’t very nice of you, when 
 she said something about getting a new bonnet, 
 to say, ‘ ‘ Why, I thought you had eight or ten 
 bonnets in your trousseau.” And I don’t think 
 it is very nice in you to ask her to tell you ex- 
 actly how she spent the household money. A 
 woman, my friend, will economize closely for 
 the man she loves, but that man has no right to 
 conclude that she isn’t a partner in the purse. 
 You are wise in giving her a regular sum for her 
 household expenses, but if you are both wise and 
 loving there will be another little purse that you 
 will fill, unasked, for her personal expenses. I 
 say this, and yet the woman I know best said 
 that she never minded asking her husband for 
 money ; that she loved him well enough to know 
 that he wouldn’t refuse, and that she didn’t ask 
 him unless she wanted it. Still, I think if you 
 are a generous-minded man, you will never let 
 your wife ask you for money, and so never 
 
The Young Husband's First Year 247 
 
 make her feel that what she has fe not hers by 
 right. She earns it just as much as you do, for 
 she makes a home for you, and she gives you 
 such happiness as can come from no other woman. 
 Don’t do as some men, let a woman make bills 
 all over the town and never give her any money ; 
 but let her learn the value of money by handling 
 it ; let her realize what it means ; let her delight 
 in buying for you, with the money that is hers, 
 something for your birthday, or for Christmas, 
 or to introduce a New Year of love. 
 
 YOUR WIFE’S MOTHER 
 
 You wish her to love your mother ; then you 
 must show the same kindly feeling to hers. Think 
 it all out, and realize how close a girl is to her 
 mother; how my mother” represents consola- 
 tion and wisdom to her ; how she goes to mother 
 with her grief and her happiness, and remember 
 that you have to be not only husband, but mother, 
 for you must be so tender to her that, with her 
 head on your breast and your arms about her, she 
 will tell her troubles and her worries, her joys and 
 her pleasures, and not only look for, but receive 
 sympathy from you. And then, when her mother 
 is there, be gentle and considerate of her. She 
 has given you her companion and her little helper, 
 and be sure that there has been many a lonely 
 
248 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 hour for her since that gay wedding day. So re- 
 member that you owe her thanks that must express 
 themselves in a pleasant manner and in courteous 
 speech. None of us can love people at once, but 
 making up our minds to care for them will make 
 affection come, and, best of all, stay. If once in 
 a while your wife should quote her mother, listen 
 to this patiently, for do not forget that, to the 
 good daughter, her mother represented wisdom 
 before she even knew you. Men, my friend, are 
 not thankful enough to mothers. 
 
 A PHASE OF TEMPER 
 
 She had the headache. When you asked her 
 something she answered with a certain amount of 
 indifference, and you grew silent and sulky. At 
 night, when you came home, she had forgotten all 
 about it ; there was a dainty dinner for you, and 
 a bright, happy-looking wife to greet you, and you 
 were still sulky. You thought it due your dignity 
 to make her comprehend that she could not ignore 
 a speech of yours. What a miserable dignity that 
 is ! I can’t imagine it belonging to anybody but 
 a schoolboy, and yet you claim to be a man. She 
 came up to kiss you, and you drew away, and she 
 wondered what was the matter with you. You 
 ate your dinner and seemed to enjoy it, but you 
 didn’t speak. After dinner you read the evening 
 
The Young Husband's First Year 249 
 
 paper. By the next morning your lordship con- 
 descended to say a word or two, and the poor lit- 
 tle woman was so glad that she cried with delight. 
 And you thought of your own importance, and 
 felt that you had given her a lesson that she de- 
 served. It was like breaking a butterfly on a 
 wheel. You ought to feel mean. It is a great 
 pity that you caii't see yourself in a mental look- 
 ing-glass, that you might realize how mean, and 
 poor, and contemptible you are, and how unmanly 
 it is to take revenge on a woman. It would have 
 been a deal better to say to her that you didn’t 
 like the way she spoke to you ; then you would 
 have heard the reason for it, and you would have 
 parted with a kiss, and everything would have 
 been all right. 
 
 It is never unmanly to speak a loving word, to 
 give expression by kiss, or by gesture, to your af- 
 fection, and the strongest and the bravest men 
 that have lived were those who did not fear to tell 
 their wives how much they loved them. Many 
 women are hungry for loving words, and they are 
 so easily said ! You may argue to yourself that 
 you love her just as much, even if you don’t say 
 so. My dear boy, she doesn’t know that ; she is 
 not a mind-reader, and so you must take just a few 
 minutes every day to make your wife understand 
 that you love your wife better than you ever did 
 your sweetheart. 
 
250 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 THE TENDERNESS OF A MAN 
 
 That is your best side. When you are manly 
 enough to be womanly, and to be charitable to 
 the physical and mental side of your wife. You 
 laugh with disdain, as is proper, at woman’s suf- 
 frage ; then you must understand that the woman 
 who is not capable of taking the position of a 
 man in the world requires from men a deal of 
 consideration. Perhaps the time will come when 
 the little wife may whisper to you that, with the 
 summer time, there will be somebody else for you 
 to love. Now comes the time for you to show 
 your manliness. You can’t possibly know all that 
 that means to her, and when the little baby comes 
 you are not going to be mean enough to be jeal- 
 ous and complain because all your wife’s thought 
 and all her love seem to be given to the new- 
 comer. You know why it is? Because in him 
 she sees the picture of you, and though she may 
 appear to regard him as the most important person 
 in the world, in her heart of hearts it is you who 
 have her best love. And you must learn to be 
 very thankful for that little child, for unless your 
 household is peopled with children you won’t 
 have a home. Children are needed to make it, 
 and when the years have gone by and the time is 
 growing very near for you to leave this world, you 
 
The Young Husband's First Year 251 
 
 will find a joy and satisfaction in them that noth- 
 ing else can give. 
 
 HIS FIRST YEAR 
 
 It is the most important of all. You are two 
 people who are getting acquainted with each other, 
 and this acquaintance means a friendship for life. 
 You must have, first of all, a good stock of patience. 
 You know little about the ways and weaknesses of 
 women, and you must learn to bear with them. 
 You have promised to love and protect this wom- 
 an, and you must show that you are a man of 
 your word. You must protect her from your own 
 follies, and you must be man enough not to be 
 afraid to tell her of your love. The spoken word 
 of love means very much to the wife. The kiss 
 of greeting or farewell tells a more loving tale to 
 the wife than it ever did to the sweetheart. You 
 must cultivate, if you wish to make your wife 
 happy, the expression of love. Many a woman 
 has died believing that her husband did not love 
 her, because he thought it unmanly to tell in 
 words or deeds of all the love in his heart. Un- 
 manly? It is manly. It is great and strong to 
 take the woman you love close to you, close to 
 your heart, to make your wife understand that 
 every day brings her nearer to you, every hour 
 makes you love her more, and that you are ten 
 times happier when you think of her as your wife 
 
252 
 
 Side Talks with Girls 
 
 than when you dreamed of her as your sweetheart. 
 A man is at his best when he loves most. And 
 he is the best husband who makes his wife most 
 thoroughly understand the strength of his love 
 and all that she is to him. 
 

45151 
 
 boston college 
 
 3 9031 01327897 3 
 
 C 4 ■ ' 
 
 Hu - 
 
 BOSTON COLLEGE LIBRARY 
 
 UNIVERSITY HEIGHTS 
 CHESTNUT HILL. MASS. 
 
 Books may be kept for two weeks and may 
 be renewed for the same period, unless re- 
 served. 
 
 Two cents a day is'^ charged for each book 
 kept overtime. 
 
 If you cannot find what you want, ask the 
 lyibrarian who will be glad to help you. - 
 
 The borrower is responsible for books drawn 
 on his card and for all fines accruing on the 
 
 same.